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Playboy Cyber Club
Howard started the show talking about how he was having Shuli sit in today. Howard said he felt bad for him. Howard said he's going to let him sit there and look at him. Howard asked if anyone had anything to say. No one was talking.
Howard said he tried to watch as much of the Emmy's as he could last night. He said his friend Jimmy Kimmel was hosting it last night. He said he sent him a note after watching. Howard said he knows Jimmy was nervous. He said he thought he did well with it. Howard said he felt it was edgier bits and stuff. Robin said she blanked on it and didn't watch. Robin said she was very upset with herself that she missed it. She said they didn't make that big of a deal about it this year.
Howard said every review he saw was positive about Jimmy. Howard congratulated Jimmy and Molly for what they were able to do. Howard said they're like Desi and Lucy. Howard said they're a show business powerhouse. Howard said maybe they're like Sal and Richard.
Howard said Sal can't cover up his lies. He said he would break down in 3 seconds in a show like Homeland. He said he deteriorates in 3 seconds and has a meltdown. Robin asked why he can't just tell the truth to begin with. Howard said he has to lie. Howard said he just lied on radio. Howard said it's fucking amazing.
Robin said Sal forgot about the meeting but not for the whole day. Just for that set time. Howard said that's why you need alarms.
Howard said in the NY Times yesterday they had a story about the company that's growing like crazy is Samsung. He said that they are the phone leader right now. Howard said they have a phone called the Galaxy S III and people love it over the iPhone. Howard said they say that Apple is doing fine with the iPhone but Samsung is doing well.
Howard said they Sal and Richard went down to the line for the iPhone and people were waiting days to get one. Howard played a clip where one guy said he was on line for 5 days. The guy said he loves white girls and he wants white kids himself. He said he loves white kids and he loves white phones. He doesn't want to have black kids.
Sal and Richard asked the guy what he'd be willing to do to get an iPhone. They asked if he'd lick dog shit or smack a baby. The guy was all over the place with his answers. He was willing to stomp on a kitten but not lick the shit.
Howard said 7 taxis showed up to Tim's apartment hoping he'd leave his iPhone in their car. Howard said he's lost like 2 iPads in cabs before. Gary said it's actually 3.
Howard said the big news over the weekend was that Jesus might have had a wife. Howard said they found some old piece of parchment that said he had a wife. Howard said now they know why he didn't put up any resistance when he was crucified. Howard said he just gave up. Howard said it bothers people that he was married, especially the religious people. Robin said that's because they say that Jesus wasn't married and that's what the whole priest thing is about and why they won't let women in. Howard said they say that Mary was his wife with his two songs Jackson and Lucas. Howard said they all lived in the 4th century. Howard did his impression of Gary as if he were Jesus.
Howard said that Kato Kaelin has come out and said he's now thinking that OJ Simpson killed his wife. Howard said that he also thinks that an iceberg sunk the Titanic. Howard said that guy is weird. He said he tried to interview him but he wasn't able to get anything out of him.
Howard asked what they think of Paris Hilton being taped in a cab. Howard said he's not fan of her's but he's not sure that taping her in a cab is right. Howard said that's kind of fucked up. Howard said the more shocking thing is that she took a cab. Howard said he didn't know she took a cab. He said he figured she had a limo driver. Shuli said he doesn't see her getting in a yellow cab ever. He said he figured it was just some dick taping her.
Howard said he's sick of the blurry pictures of that princess chick. He said he'd like to see her titties clear. He said they should get some decent cameras. Howard said Jason takes better pictures for their web site. Howard said maybe her titties are naturally blurry.
Howard said there's a statue of Columbus that's in a high rise building and he doesn't understand this story he was reading. Robin said it's some artist who did it. Howard said the statue has a great view from the apartment he's in.
Howard said he read that the band LMFAO is breaking up and he can't think of anything that affects him less. Howard said the two guys in the band are breaking up to focus on their shitty music projects. Howard said they'll make individual shitty albums instead of just one. Howard said he's not sure what's happening with music.
Howard said he was reading Bob Lefsetz's column about going to see a concert and he was talking about older bands who made music. Howard said that no one is doing that anymore. Shuli said that Richie Sambora was up there doing a concert the other day and it was fantastic.
Howard said Apple is stamping into the new iPhone ''Please return to Tim Sabean'' since they know he's the only guy who is going to lose one.
Howard said that he was talking to Ronnie the Limo Driver about his weekend. He had some major people out at his Block Party show over the weekend. Shuli talked about some of the people that came out to see the show. They had David Arquette, Mike Judge, Rob Corddry and a bunch of others. Shuli said that Arquette and Eric's meeting was great. He said he loves to watch people shaking his hand because they don't quite know what to do when they do that.
Shuli said that Eric had a joke about the fireworks show that went off this summer that went off in like 15 seconds. He had a joke about Scott the Engineer running them.
Howard took a call from Eric the Actor who said that he wasn't frozen up like he said he was when he met David Arquette. Howard said he freezes up whenever he meets someone famous. Eric said he doesn't freeze up. Eric told Howard to shut the fuck up. He said he was talking to David about a bunch of things. Howard asked if that was on stage or back stage. Shuli said it was back stage.
Howard said they must get bored with him. Shuli said that some do and they walk away after 30 seconds. Eric said he talked to Shuli's friend the whole night.
Howard said Ronnie was in Laguna for a couple of nights and then he was out doing these shows that were sold out.
Eric said that he got compliments about how soft his skin is too so they should shut the fuck up. Howard said he didn't say anything about it. He said it was Jimmy Kimmel that said his hand feels like a rotten plum. Howard said it's not him.
Shuli said Ronnie brought his girlfriend to a couple of shows and he was telling the audience that you should never do that because it's a big fucking headache. Ronnie said he was just busting her balls. He said he just wanted to chill out in San Diego but she wanted to walk around the gas lamp district. Ronnie said it's like bars and shops and stuff. He said she wanted to walk around and he didn't want to but he ended up doing it.
Shuli said Ronnie had a girl with her tits out within seconds on stage. They had Eric getting motor boats out there. Eric wasn't able to hear Ronnie. Howard said maybe his microphone isn't working. Howard asked Eric if he had a lot of boobs all over him. Eric said he did.
Howard asked Eric if it frustrates him that these broads are sticking their tits in his face like he's a kid and not a man. Howard said he must want to just fuck them. Howard said they should just fuck him instead of stick their tits in his face. Howard asked if he likes that. Eric said of course he likes it. Shuli said Eric seems to be fine with what he gets. Ronnie said his eyes roll into the back of his head. Eric said he did not do that.
Howard asked if the last time he got laid was at the Bunny Ranch. Eric said it was. Howard said they have to get him back there. Howard said he won't promise anything but he'll look into it.
Howard said it was cool when he was there. He said he looked like a bowling ball with a kickstand on it. Shuli said they drove Eric to the shows and he was in the van with them. Shuli said he was like one of the guys. Howard said he has a picture of Shuli with his arm around him. Ronnie said they made Jon, his handler, ride in another van. Howard said it looks like he had a good time with the guys. Eric said he did.
Shuli said he asks the women in the audience if they'll stick their boobs in his face. He said they had about a dozen in San Diego. He said that Eric had a look on his face like he's never seen before. He said his eyes were so wide open like he was in heaven. Ronnie said the girl kissed him on the mouth too. Shuli said they paid Eric very well too. He said JD was jealous of him because he had such a great time.
Ronnie said that they got one girl to come up on stage and get topless if JD would drink a shot of Jameson. He said JD did that but he almost puked. He said he had to run off the stage.
Howard said that JD doesn't like to do stuff like that. He said he likes to keep his life secret and quiet. Ronnie said there was one girl there who wanted to meet JD and JD was waiting for some other girl to show up. Ronnie said this girl was already there and wanted to hang with him. He said he didn't want anything to do with her. Howard wondered where that fucking kid is. Ronnie said he's busy pulling audio clips.
JD came in so Howard asked what's wrong with him. JD said he was looking for someone that he knows. Howard said this girl was there. JD said the other girl was there too. He said he was trying to get her into the club. JD said she's a friend. Ronnie said this other girl wanted to fuck him. Howard asked what's wrong with him. JD said he's fine. Ronnie said the girl who wanted to fuck JD did meet him. Howard asked if he fucked her. JD said he's not getting into who he fucked or if he even had sex at all. Howard asked if he got laid out there. JD said he guesses he did. Ronnie asked how you guess if you got laid.
Howard asked if he's glad he teamed up with the block party. JD said he doesn't like the travel or going on strange. Howard said he must be happy about getting laid.
Shuli said that JD is always nervous but Ronnie is the complete opposite. He said he doesn't give a fuck. He said Ronnie told JD to just yell at the audience. That was the first piece of advice he gave.
Howard asked who JD fucked. JD said he's not going to give any information about who he fucked. He said there were a lot of cameras around out there. Howard said he had better be careful about who he goes down on. JD said he doesn't think he has uh... Howard said he has to be careful with that stuff. JD said he has done it before but he hasn't done it recently. Howard asked where he finishes. JD wasn't talking. He said he was using condoms and stuff. JD said sometimes he finishes in mouths and sometimes in condoms. Howard asked if he finishes in his own mouth. JD said no.
Howard asked JD if he's feeling good about himself or are these chicks a once in a while thing. JD wasn't able to form an answer. He was mumbling and stumbling over his words. JD said there is nothing serious going on with any of the chicks. The guys were cracking up listening to him trying to answer. JD said he doesn't know the women all that well. Howard said he must feel good about being able to attract women. JD said it's a ''weird both.'' Robin wondered what that means.
Howard asked if the girls spend the night with him. JD said that some do. Ronnie said he's seen a couple of them come down the next morning.
Howard asked if JD was in the car with Eric. JD said he was. They were watching baseball together. Howard asked Eric if he likes JD. Eric said he puts JD above Shuli on his list now. He wasn't happy with what he was saying earlier in the morning about him.
Howard asked about what Ronnie tweeted out while he was in California. JD said Ronnie was talking about watching guys on the beach while he was standing naked in his hotel. Ronnie said there were guys surfing and he was naked since he just woke up. He said he took pictures of the guys surfing and then posted the picture. Howard asked if he sleeps naked. Ronnie said of course he does. Howard said he must not look that good naked. Howard said he can't imagine what that must look like. Shuli did his Ronnie voice and said ''Don't step on my balls honey.'' Howard and the guys were all goofing on Ronnie about that for a minute.
Howard asked Eric what his favorite part of the weekend was. Eric said it was split between the two places. He said he liked stuff about both of the places. Ronnie said he liked Los Angeles because he met so many famous people out there. Ronnie said he was in heaven out there. Howard said Eric really owes these guys. Robin said that didn't stop him from yelling at Shuli.
Shuli said that someone brought Eric a bag of stuff for Eric and someone stole the bag. He said Eric's guy Jon came up to him and told him that someone ''stoleded'' his bag. Shuli said he made the announcement on stage and asked for it to be returned. He said he asked them to return it or Eric wouldn't come out. He said some douche bag came up and gave it back. He said he had the guy thrown out after that. Eric said he guesses he appreciates that.
Howard asked JD if he got laid in San Diego too. JD said he didn't. Ronnie said that the fans were all getting back to where they were supposed to be. He said they had to move them into another room because there were so man people in this other room. Ronnie said that JD got some out there but he just won't talk about it.
Robin said JD was rocking like an autistic kid. JD said that's just the way he is. Ronnie said he was watching football on the plane and JD yelled out ''Oh no!'' like something horrible happened. JD said he talks to the TV.
Shuli said he thinks that JD could have a line of girls to bang him if he said he was going to talk about them on the air. JD said maybe he doesn't want that. Howard asked if he has his standard moves that he gets into and he's kind of fallen into a routine. JD said whatever happens, happens.
Howard asked who moves in for the first kiss. JD said it's different every time. Howard asked if the girl starts undressing first. Ronnie asked if it was the girl with the red shorts. JD said he's not going to say who this person was.
Howard asked JD if he goes back to the room and moves in right away. JD said it did happen right away in Los Angeles. Howard asked if he pushed her right up against the wall. JD wasn't really sure. He said he didn't know.
Shuli said that he watches the Jersey Shore and these girls know they're going to fuck these guys. He said JD has the same thing.
Howard asked JD more about this girl he banged and what she says to him in the room. JD sounded really uncomfortable talking about it. Howard said he must remember what she said to him. JD said he didn't want to get into it. Howard said that he probably told her to call him Jamie. Howard asked how long she stuck around after. JD said it was a few minutes. Fred played a sound clip of a car peeling out while they talked about that.
JD said he had a short time to sleep so he had to ask the girl to leave. He said he wouldn't be able to sleep if she was there. Shuli said he pictures her pulling the fire alarm and leaving so she can blend in with the crowd and disappear.
Robin said there are girls who want to bang JD and they know there is no future. Howard asked if he's able to keep in touch with all of these chicks. JD said he keeps in touch with some of them. Robin said JD won't tell them anything. JD asked what they want from him.
Howard said he figures he's a freak in bed. Howard did his impression of JD telling chicks to do weird shit like shit in his Sirius hat. Howard told him to be careful and not get any of them pregnant. Howard said they'd be really disappointed if they got half his money.
Howard asked if he wears rubbers all the time. JD said he does for the most part. Howard said he had better be careful. He said he doesn't want to knock up any of these chicks. JD said he hasn't done it without a condom in a long time.
Howard told JD that he should be glad that he told him to do the block party. Ronnie said JD was complaining about the travel and he told him to shut up about that. Howard said Scott must be upset that he left the block party. Shuli said this was off the charges for them. He said they all made good money. Howard asked Ronnie what Scott missed out on. Shuli said he would never ask to see an expense report after getting this kind of money. Howard asked JD what he made. JD said he got 2 grand for this weekend. JD said that he only does maybe 3-5 minutes on stage. Ronnie made even more. Ronnie said it's great. Shuli said these guys want to be there and they get into it too.
Ronnie said Scott once said he was kind of sorry he quit. He said he misses him on the tour. He said they had some fun with Scott. He said he threw a chair at him once and that was fun. Howard said it sounds like more fun since he left.
Ronnie said their promoter, Sequoia, texted him about the after party being so crazy. Ronnie said it was actually cool because the fans wanted to be with them. He said that they were interacting with the people and he likes doing it. He said they had a great time. He said Sequoia thought they were upset but they really weren't.
Shuli said he almost called Scott from the stage to tell him what was going on. Ronnie said they're all hooked up through January already. He said they have hotels fighting over them in Atlantic City. Ronnie said he never dreamed it would be like that.
Howard congratulated everyone on their weekend. Howard said that was their full weekend update. Howard said it's all hard to believe. Howard said he had to go. He told Eric that he had to get going. He said they have High Pitch Eric coming in today too. Eric said he'd talk to them later then. Howard let him go.
Howard asked Gary if he's going to vote in the election this year. Gary said he doesn't like to vote. Howard asked if he has any issues he's passionate about. Gary said he doesn't. He said he doesn't care about any of the stuff Howard was asking about. Howard said they can't talk politics with Gary. He said it's like talking about women with JD.
Howard asked Gary if he would go with Obama or Romney. Gary said Obama. Robin said he picked him because Howard said his name first. Howard asked if he would go with Romney or Obama and he said Obama again. Howard said he seems to be an Obama guy.
Howard said they'll see him when they get this bit arranged. Gary said he really wants to come in. Howard asked if Gary is smarter than a Caribou yet. Gary laughed. Howard said they're going to have him in when they have a hot chick in there. Gary sounded excited about that. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard asked what happens if no one claims the dog. He said his mother doesn't know. He said he told her what he would do is tell Beth and she'd get on the phone and make some calls to help out. Howard said the North Shore Animal League will do something. Howard said his mother asked him if he'd call her if something happens. Howard said he would and he had to repeat himself since she can't hear.
Howard said he wishes someone had called to get him some help when he was in school in Roosevelt. Howard said he would have loved some help when he was in trouble there. Howard said he had women beating him up. He said he wishes someone had taken him in but there was no shelter.
Howard said the dog is at the shelter and if that's your dog then please look into it. It's a white husky.
Howard asked what was on Eric's arm. Eric said they were tattoos. He had a tattoo that said DeBarge or something. Howard said it looks like it says ''I'm Disgusting.'' Howard said Eric's gums are bleeding too. Eric said they are not. Shuli confirmed they were.
Howard picked up on Eric the Actor who said he doesn't know how Shuli knows what he said to David Arquette. He said Shuli was on the stage while he was talking to him. Shuli just said he apologizes so Howard could hang up on him.
Howard asked Gary if they have any money to give away. He said that if Eric weighs less than Tim he'll give him $500. If he's more than Tim then he's got to kiss a fish. Eric didn't want to do that and he didn't want to let Sal paint his face with his cock.
Howard said Gary was talking about how unusual Eric is. He has a scrapbook of celebrities. Howard said he's so proud of this book and it's just weird. Howard said he has some pictures with him and then the rest of the people are TV weather people. Eric said they're regular news people too. Howard said they're all from CBS too so it's the weirdest thing. Robin asked if he only gets one channel.
Gary said that Eric has a lot of CBS pictures and then he has the news people from CBS in the book. Eric told the guys who he has in the book and it's mostly the CBS news team. Howard said when Eric is in there he feels like he's going to vomit. Gary said it's that throat thing he has going on.
Eric said he likes CBS and not NBC. He said he likes to watch the CBS news. Gary said they let him come in and get tours of the studio and stuff. Eric said they do. Howard said they cater to him so that's why he likes them. Howard asked Eric how old he is now. He's 41. Howard said he acts like a 3 year old.
Eric said he keeps busy doing interviews on the street now. Howard said the interviews are horrible. He said the quality is awful. Eric showed him his recorder. He said Shuli teaches him the ropes.
Howard asked Eric what they were doing with him today. Eric said he had the interviews to play. Howard said people will last about 3 seconds with them. Howard played one where Eric talked to someone at AGT. Howard said the quality is horrible and you'll want out after a few seconds.
In the clip Eric was talking to this fan and there was wind noise in the audio so it sounded like he was in a wind tunnel. Eric said it was very windy that day. Howard said it sounds like he's on the wing of a plane. Howard played more of the audio and said that Eric looks so proud. Howard asked if he thinks that it's interesting. Eric said he does. He said he likes doing stuff like that.
Howard played another interview Eric did and the quality was much better. Eric didn't know why. He said maybe it wasn't so windy.
Howard said he has some news about Eric. Howard said he lives in an apartment building where he has to share his toilet and shower with other residents. Howard said Eric jerks off in the shower that other people have to use. Howard asked why he doesn't jerk off in his apartment instead. Eric said he uses bleach in the shower. Howard said it's fucking gross. Eric said he does it late at night when he showers. Howard said he could do it in the apartment. Eric said he does it in the shower. Howard asked if he goes in there barefoot. Eric said he wears slippers. Howard asked if he gets any on his toes. Eric said he wipes down the floor and cleans up with the Chlorox. Howard said that's bull. Eric said he swears he does that. He said he sprays the curtains too. Howard said you know he's lying. Eric said he isn't lying.
Howard asked Eric what he thinks about when he jerks off. Eric said he doesn't think about anyone. Howard said maybe he thinks about a guy. Eric said he just thinks about himself. Howard asked if he thinks about girls. Eric said he loves himself. Robin said he doesn't even know how to masturbate. Howard said he has to be thinking about a girl or a guy. Eric said he loves himself. Howard said he just wants the truth from him. He said he can't have him on anymore if he doesn't tell the truth. Howard said he'd be interesting if he told the truth.
Eric said the truth is that he thinks about Kelly Ripa. Howard said that's being honest. Eric said he watches her every morning with Michael Strahan. Eric said she's beautiful and he thinks about her blowing him. Howard asked if Michael Strahan ever slips in while he's thinking about that. Eric said that never happens.
Howard asked if it's true that he had Joey Boots rub lotion in his ass crack. Eric said he did. He said he had Joey look at his ass crack to see if he had a rash in there. Eric said he had a girl do it or maybe Joey did it. Howard said he heard Joey did it. Eric said he can't do it on his own. He said he had to have someone do it for him. Howard laughed when he heard that. Howard asked what the cream was. Eric said it came from a store. He said it was some kind of cream for burning and itching.
Howard asked why it burns and itches. Eric said he wipes and washes back there. He said he doesn't know why it burns but it's not hemorrhoids. Howard said maybe Robin will look back there. Robin said no. She said Joey Boots can do that. Eric said all he needed was one application of the cream. He said he used Monkey Butt Powder after that. Howard said he doesn't know what's going on with him. Eric said it was just that one day. Howard said stuff like that never goes away after just one day. Howard said he must have had to do it more than once.
Howard asked Eric if he could read his plug and be finished. Eric said he could but he and Eric have a truce. Howard said no one knew they were at war. Eric said they were. He said he has a girl in the green room with him and she does an internet radio show. She helped them with their truce.
Howard said that Eric is going to be doing a 5 mile cancer walk in Central Park next month. Howard said he heard that he had heart problems. Eric said he's doing it with Mariann from Brooklyn. Howard said he has to be careful with his heart if that's how far it is. Eric said that he walks a lot. He said his feet don't even hurt when he walks. Eric said he is doing the walk with Mariann. Howard said he's walking 5 times as far as usual. Eric said he's doing the walk with Joe Mooski from Stern Facebook Superfans too. Howard gave him the plug and said Eric really loves AGT and stuff like that. Howard said he saw him at the show. Eric said he wanted to interview Howard about that. Howard said he didn't want to do that. Then he told him to ask a question. Eric asked how he wanted to see win. Howard said Tom Cotter. Fred played some noise over them so it sounded like Eric's other interview.
Howard wrapped up and said it was great seeing him. He said he commends him for doing that breast cancer walk. He said he has bigger tits than most women.
Eric asked if he could get on the scale. Howard said of course he can. Howard said he was 344 pounds. Eric said he dropped some weight. Howard congratulated him on that. Eric said goodbye to everyone but Howard said he would love to have a budget so they can do a Dancing with the Stars kind of thing with the Wack Pack. Eric said he would like to dance with Kelly Ripa. He said that he liked Michelle Jerson when she worked there for Howard 100 News. He said he used to jerk off to her too. Will Murray said he knows Eric jerks off to Chris Wragge, not chicks.
Howard said that it's a nice compliment when Eric says that he jerks off to someone like Kelly Ripa. Howard asked what he thinks about doing with her. Eric said he envisions her voice in his head. Howard asked where he would meet her. Eric said he would meet her in the streets and she'd invite him to her house for dinner. Eric said she'd be dressed very hot. Howard asked him to describe it. Eric said she'd be wearing red lingerie and heels. Howard asked who makes the first move. Eric said she does. Howard asked if he'd be flipping out. Eric said he would be. He said he'd just want to fuck and not waste time with other stuff. Howard asked if Mark Consuelos gets involved. Eric said no to that. He said that she's a personality like he is so they'd get along well. Howard what he'd do if Mark walked in and wanted to rub his shoulders. Eric said he'd tell him to fuck off. He's not going to let him rub his shoulders.
Howard asked if Eric would eat her ass. Eric said no. He said he'd just fuck her. He said she'd blow him first though. Howard asked if he would use a rubber. Eric said no to that. Howard said in his fantasies he'd be wearing a rubber. Howard asked if Kelly would be more insulted that he thinks that he has the same personality or that he'd want to fuck her.
Howard asked Eric if he'd fuck her again after the first time. Eric said he would. Howard asked Eric where he blows his load in the shower. Eric said he does it right down the drain. Howard laughed. Shuli was doing his Eric impression saying he does it all over Joey. Howard asked if he would Chlorox Kelly. Eric said he would clean her up with baby wipes.
Howard said he would pay millions to see that happen. He said Kelly is so small and Eric is so huge. Robin said he might crush her. Howard said he can imagine his load being like an elephant.
Shuli said that Eric's old place was so gross that he had a cat and the cat chewed a hole in the screen to get out of the apartment to get away from him. Howard said no one believes that he uses bleach in the shower. Eric said he swears on his mother that he odes. Howard said he knows he's lying. Eric said Leiberman came to his apartment a few months ago and it was spic and span. He said Leiberman was there in the apartment and he knows it's clean. Shuli said he had his laundry and his cat pan in the shower stall in his other apartment.
Jon Leiberman came in and said that his apartment was very clean. He said they reenacted the cream application and it looked like they had it down to a science like they had done it many times. Howard asked who did it the other times. Eric said he had a girl do it. He said the girl used a Q-tip. Jon asked if that's the girl he threatened. Eric said that was another girl.
Jon said that the masturbation thing is 100 percent. He said he believes the Chlorox thing too. He said he just throws it on the walls though. Eric said he has a spray bottle that he uses. Howard said his story is breaking down. Eric said he uses hot water and cleans up the shower. Jon said the shower is a co-ed shower. He said women use the shower too. Howard said that is so vile.
Jon said the cream he uses is called Butt Paste. He said it's made for babies. Shuli said he's gotten that for his daughter. Howard said that seems kind of crazy. Howard said it sounds like he's not wiping correctly.
Jon said that he passed the woman who put the cream in Eric's ass. He said she's in her 50s or 60s. He said the people who live in that building are not mentally challenged but this woman was clearly willing to look in his ass so that shows you a lot. He said Joey and Eric used to live right next to each other. He said Joey thought that Eric got aroused when he put the cream on. Howard said he could see why because no one really touches him. Eric said he didn't get aroused.
Eric said that woman Rachel also helped cut his toe nails. He said he has a hard time cutting them himself. Howard said maybe he should fuck her. Eric said no to that. Shuli, as Eric, said ''She's gross.'' Howard said it would be great if Kelly fucked Eric. Howard said they could be a new Hollywood thing.
Jon said that Eric has piles of Spaghetti-Os and Chef Boyardee in his apartment. Shuli said that Joey and Eric used to go to a Chinese buffet to eat and they would eat a ton. The guys wondered what those bowel movements look like. Howard said they probably come out like cans of Chef Boyardee.
Leiberman said that Eric's apartment was pretty clean other than the toe nail clippings near his bed. He said his toe nails were kind of yellowish green. Howard asked if he has toe fungus. Eric said he has had that problem in the past. Howard asked what his best physical feature is. Eric said it's ''Me.'' Howard said he really has to end this. He said he's had him in there a long time.
Howard asked Robin whose toe nails she would rather cut, Eric's or Gary's. Robin said she would go with Gary. She said that he's clean at least.
Howard gave Eric some more plugs and asked Jon if he thinks that he can walk 5 miles. Jon said that Eric walked with him to a diner about 3 blocks and he was huffing and puffing there. Eric asked if they could have Howard TV follow him. Howard said if he guarantees that he will die maybe he'll do that. Howard said he thinks that he's going to wrap this up now. He said Eric was very entertaining. Will said ''If you say so...'' Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that they were preparing for Cyndi Lauper. He cut off that bit they were playing so he could get to Cyndi.
Howard got Cyndi in there and she was complaining about some health issues she's had. Howard said that she should talk to Dr. John Sarno. He said he'll talk to her off the air about that.
Howard said that Cyndi is very honest in her book. He said she even talks about her failures. Howard said she talks about this movie ''Vibes'' she was in and how Dan Ackroyd was supposed to be in it but he backed out because he hated her. Cyndi said that he said he had bad vibes about her. She said that Dan was doing this thing with her that she didn't understand. She said he was just kind of blowing it off. She said she didn't know that it was a process that he was doing. Cyndi said that she didn't want to look like a complete idiot. Cyndi said she did a screen test with Ron Howard and he told her she was great. Howard said it sounds like she lost confidence when Ackroyd left. Cyndi said she felt like the bad egg. She said they brought in Jeff Goldblum and Peter Falk. She said that she begged them to bring in Peter Falk. She said the rhythm of his speech was kind of like her's so she thought that would work.
Cyndi said that she found Jeff Goldblum to be kind of odd. She said she felt he was going through problems. She said that he was reading a book like he was having a breakdown. She said that she had him standing next to her and he'd have a nervous breakdown when someone would forget their lines. Cyndi said they were doing a scene with an older fellow and she told Jeff that if he didn't stop she was going to kill him. Cyndi said that Jeff would do things to her that were very mean.
Howard said that he understands her better now after this book. Howard said he knew she had it tough but didn't know how tough. Howard said she had a miserable childhood. Cyndi said she had comedy though. She said her mother was terrific. Her father left when she was 5 and her mother remarried and married a guy who was crazy. Howard said it sounds like he was a pedophile. She said that's not what they called it. She said that he also tortured the dog. She said that he would spy on her in the bathroom and things like that. Howard said that's horrible. Cyndi said that the man had a fight with her mother and her wedding ring was made of platinum. The ring hit a window and cracked it. That's the hole that the guy would spy on her through. She said that he would spy on her and her sister.
Cyndi said that she had to leave home. She said that her brother stayed and he learned to get really tough. She said that he got tough enough to tell that guy to take a hike. Cyndi said that bullies only like to bully people who are smaller than them. She said it's a whole chain. Howard asked if she ever asked her mother why she didn't protect them. Cyndi said she would protect them and she'd tell them to go for a walk or something. She said she didn't have any help and she was working 14 hours a day. Cyndi said there are people who talk about the 47 percent and they don't know what it's like to be those people. She said her mother worked really hard. She said they all pay taxes and they probably pay more than that guy who only pays 11 percent. She said that there are a lot of little sections of the 47 percent that they don't know about.
Howard said Cyndi left home at 17 years old. Cyndi said she was going to break down crying but she can't because she'll mess up her make up. Cyndi said that her step-father was a mix between Freddy Kruger and Don Rickles. She said he could be really funny at times. She said he could be very mean too though.
Cyndi said that she went to at therapist about all of this and it didn't help. She said that they all had this tone where they'd say ''Well Cyndi...'' and it didn't help. Howard did that with her too. Cyndi said she had a guy who worked with her and had her doing some strange stuff. She said that he turned out to be a writer for Comedy Central after that. She said it was very odd. Howard said she's had a very strange life.
Howard asked Cyndi about how she tried being gay. Cyndi said she had some gay friends and she didn't want to lose them. She said that she was only 15 at the time so she just tried kissing and it didn't work for her. Howard said she's into guys now. Cyndi said that's the way it worked.
Howard said that Cyndi had her manager in a few videos. Cyndi said that it was a way for them to be together. She said she got depressed after that break up. She said that she thought about killing herself but never tried it. Howard asked if she had a dark part in her life. Cyndi said that Tommy Mottola took over and he's that evil guy who took over the record company. She said she was stuck with a guy who was a bit of an alcoholic. She said she had a lot of people leaving her life and they were all gone. She said that they wanted to make her do what Heart did and sound like Heart. She said that she changed the way people sounded on radio and they turned around and asked her to wear jeans and a t-shirt. She said that they wanted her to change and she didn't want to do that. Howard said Tommy probably wanted to see her succeed. Cyndi said that they kept giving her memos about not wanting to promote her. She said there was a lot of political stuff going on. She said that Tommy was trying to get Walter Yetnikoff out so there was a lot going on.
Howard said he figured that they would care if they had them as an artist on the record label. Cyndi said once the person who hired you is gone the rest of the company doesn't care. She said that the Japanese came to her and told her they believed in her. She said they wanted to promote her music so they asked her to make a record. She said these other people were telling her they didn't like it and they wanted her to change.
Howard said you have to stay yourself and be true to yourself or you become cookie cutter. Cyndi said the thing that made her famous is that she wasn't like everyone else.
Cyndi said that she had that song ''Girls Just Want to Have Fun'' and that was a big hit. Cyndi said that she was told that the song would never make it because her voice was too high. She said that they put the song on the WWF shows and they did cross promotion like that. Cyndi said they ended up on E.T. as a news item and that led to them bleeding over to other mediums. Cyndi said it got to MTV and the news and all over. Howard said he didn't know it was the wrestling that helped her so much. Cyndi said she stayed because she and Dave Wolf were able to work as equals. She said that Dave is managing some other people now. She said that they weren't able to stay together after they broke up as a couple.
Cyndi said she thinks that she's here on this earth to do something larger than herself. She said that she usually does things for herself but she has done some things for the record company.
Howard got back to the Girls Just Want to Have Fun song and who brought that to her. Cyndi told Howard about the guy who signed her and brought her the song.
Howard asked Cyndi about her topless dancing days. Cyndi said that she did that to make money to buy a P.A. system. She said that she had guys telling her that she smelled bad and things like that. Howard said that's such a rude comment. Cyndi said when she was growing up it was a very sexist time. She said that it actually is all the time. She said she had a singer/songwriter come up to her recently talking about all of the ''rape music'' that's out these days in hip hop. She said that it's all talk about assault and it's rape music to her. Howard said he thinks of that kind of music as disposable.
Howard said all of Cyndi's early experiences were rough. Howard said one guy wouldn't let her get out of his car until she blew him. She was hitchhiking and she wasn't able to get out of the car. Cyndi said she's not sure how she's still alive. She said she took a ride to a job interviews and that's why she took the ride. She said at the time she thought it was her fault. Cyndi said that you're not supposed to hitchhike. Howard said he has hitchhiked in his life. Howard said he hitchhiked with a girl he knew and a group of guys started shooting up a cactus. He said he felt unsafe but nothing weird happened. He said they were kids and they didn't know any better. Cyndi said you should know better these days. Howard said she must come out of this thinking that she didn't have a father to protect her and her mother didn't really do anything either. Howard said she didn't have a strong role model. Cyndi said her mother helped and put them in a convent to protect them for a while.
Howard said Cyndi's biological dad died and she wishes that she had sold out so she had the money to take care of the guy. Howard asked why she would want to do that for someone who walked out on her at 5. Cyndi said that he visited her and stayed in her life. Howard said that he didn't protect her though. Cyndi said he wasn't there all the time. She said that he was divorced so he wasn't around.
Howard said that one boyfriend gave Cyndi Hepatitis. Cyndi said that the doctors thought she had a rare dog disease because she worked with dogs. Cyndi said that she heard a nurse talking about her in the hall and they were talking about how she must have gotten it while having an affair. She said she thought that was weird that they referred to it as an affair.
Howard asked Cyndi about her take on the WWE and how disgusted she was about Vince McMahon's wife was running for office. Cyndi doesn't think they take care of their own wrestlers so she found that kind of strange. Cyndi said that the wrestlers love wrestling. She said that she wasn't really negative about the McMahon in the book. She said the whole running the state thing was weird though.
Howard said that Cyndi's song ''Time After Time'' was a great song. He said that Ann Murray turned it down. Cyndi said she can tell he didn't read the book. She said that he's getting all of the facts wrong. Cyndi said that the song True Colors was pitched the Ann Murray. She said it wasn't ''Time After Time.'' Howard said he got the name wrong then. Cyndi told Howard about the song and how she got it. She said they changed the song around and had a bunch of people working with her on that. She said that she wanted the song to be like a whisper in the car while people were driving. She said that it was a healing kind of song and that's what she was going for. She said Girls Just Want to Have Fun was kind of like that too. She said that song helped heal some people.
Howard asked Cyndi about this play she's working on called Kinky Boots. They spent a short time talking about what the play is about. Cyndi filled Howard in on the details and how she wrote the music for it. She said she's still adjusting the music for the play. Cyndi said that they have to fit it to the people in the play like a wardrobe. She said she isn't in the show at all. She said that she's just doing the music.
Howard asked Cyndi why she isn't rich from all of this. Cyndi said she never had that kind of deal. She said she thought she was putting her money away but she never sold out and invested in things. She said in the beginning she didn't accept any sponsorship from a corporation. She said after her everyone started selling out. She said she thought about going to a company like Kodak and asking them to sponsor her tour. She said they said no. Then after the tour they asked her management to sing it for their commercial. She said she didn't get money for that. They had some kid sing the song instead.
Howard asked how old Cyndi's son is. She said he's 15 and he's in the reality show with her. Howard asked how it was doing The Apprentice. Cyndi said it was okay. Howard said he read that she met Bruce Springsteen once and it went horribly. Cyndi said that she went to a Hollywood Sader once and she had no one to talk to. Howard said she was invited to Walter Yetnikoff's house. She said it wasn't at his house. She said they went to a restaurant. She said she met Bruce there and she didn't have anyone to talk to. She said that the women weren't supposed to talk unless they were spoken to. She said it was a very strange thing. She said Bruce gave her a dirty look while she was talking about how uncomfortable it was there. She said that she felt so bad when Bruce gave her that look.
Howard asked Cyndi when she's going to learn to play well with others. He said he heard that she likes Sharon Osbourne a lot. Cyndi said she really does. She said on The Apprentice it was very odd. She said that she tried to connect with people and it was like being in High School. She said she tried to fit in but it was like high school. She said she hated high school.
Howard asked Cyndi about doing a topless shoot with Annie Leibowitz. Cyndi said she didn't like it but she did another shoot with her later on. She said that she got control of the topless shots. Howard said he wants to see them. Cyndi laughed. Howard asked why she didn't like them. Cyndi said she they were okay but not great.
Howard asked Cyndi about meeting Bob Dylan and how he asked her if she's one of those ''bra burners.'' Cyndi said as a woman you have to be concerned about your civil liberties because no one else is going to be. He said Dylan just turned to her and said ''Yeah'' like it was a revelation.
Howard asked Cyndi about writing the book and if she did it herself. Cyndi said she had help from Jancee Dunn. She said they were going to call her a ghost writer but she isn't dead so she had her put her name on it.
Howard gave Cyndi a plug for her book ''Cyndi Lauper: A Memoir'' and for the play ''Kinky Boots'' that she wrote the music for. You can find out more at KinkyBootsTheMusical.com. Cyndi also has a reality show called ''Still So Unusual'' coming out in January on the WE network. Cyndi said that they have some interesting things in the show. She said they follow her on the road at work and not so much at home.
Howard asked Cyndi if she accused Bruce Springsteen of stealing a loop from one of her songs. Cyndi said she was working on a song and Bruce's wife, Patty, saw her doing the song. She said that Patty commented on the loop and then a few months later the movie ''Philadelphia'' came out and they had the loop in a song that Bruce did. She said that it was just a weird coincidence.
Howard said the worst thing in her book was about the guy in her band who assaulted her with a dildo. Cyndi said she was told that if she didn't call the cops right away then it was just hearsay. She said that it was two women and a guy doing it to her. She said they held her down and assaulted her with the dildo. She said she asked the girl why she did it and she said she just wanted to make her boyfriend happy. She said she stuck with the band for a while and she thought that it was just a power struggle. Cyndi said she became successful and they didn't. Howard said that's still not cool. She said that it's not cool that they go unpunished. Cyndi said that life punishes you. She said it teaches you. She said that she put that in the book to let people know not to go to auditions alone.
Howard gave Cyndi some more plugs for her book and asked if she has pictures in the book. She said there are some but no nudes. Howard said she could have sold a billion copies if she had the nudes in there. Cyndi asked if he even looked at the book. Howard said he doesn't have time to look at books.
Howard said there are a lot of things in her book that he didn't get to. He said she had an abortion. Cyndi said she was told she couldn't get pregnant. She did get pregnant though. She said that she wanted the kid but it wasn't the right time. She said it was Richie's kid. She said that was her boyfriend at the time and both of them decided not to have the kid.
Howard and Cyndi talked about how good it was to see the other. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he saw that one of the guys from Green Day had a nervous breakdown on stage. Howard said it was some I Heart Radio concert. Howard said they told him to get off the stage and he didn't think he had enough time so he was yelling and screaming and smashing his guitar. Howard said he was saying that he isn't Justin Bieber. Howard said now he's checked himself into rehab. Howard said that they were on America's Got Talent. Howard said they had a Justin Bieber tape before Green Day on AGT and he thinks that Billie Joe was referring to that. Robin said they were at this festival and Justin was there too. Howard said Justin wasn't there. He said he pulled that name out and he thinks that he was dicked off at AGT about that whole thing. Howard said he saw what happened at AGT.
Howard said he was a bit baffled by that Justin Bieber performance. Shuli agreed it was weird. Howard had some of the rant that Billie Joe did at the concert. In the clip Green Day was playing and Billie Joe stopped the song they were playing and he was complaining about how they had just one minute left to play. Billie said he's been around since 1988 and they're giving him one fucking minute. He said they had to be fucking kidding him. Billie said he's ''not Justin Bieber you mother fuckers.'' He said it was a fucking joke. Then he had no time left. Billie Joe smashed his guitar and said he'd show them. Then he left.
Howard said he checked himself into rehab after that. Howard said it was a beautiful guitar too. He said he's not sure the audience can relate to that. He said he could have just given it to someone in the audience instead.
Howard said it's a good idea not to wear eye make up when you're yelling about not being Justin Bieber. Howard said they were great on AGT when they performed though. He said they were doing great that night.
Howard said he understands that cookies were brought in again today. He heard that Tim was out in the hall shoveling them in. He said now he's saying he can't understand why he can't lose weight. Gary said last week Tim was saying that he's a grabber and he just eats on the run. Howard said he tried calling him last week and he was out to lunch the four times he tried calling.
Shuli said that Tim is like that video of the Tsunami in Japan. He said if you're around he just rounds you up and takes everyone with him.
Gary said that Tim claims he wasn't out there shoveling them in. He said he had just one cookie. Howard said he doesn't know who to believe.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Piers Morgan running his mouth about him on Jimmy Fallon the other night. Howard said he didn't see it. He said he thinks that Piers was talking ratings bullshit. The caller said that Piers was talking about the finale being the lowest rated in history. Howard said he's not sure how Piers can talk about ratings when he has lower ratings than Larry King even had. Howard said he can't think that the ratings would be any better with him on. The caller said that he was also saying that Howard claimed that he was going to find some great talent but a couple of dogs won. Howard said he's got a point there. He said he thinks that if the Earth Harp guy or Tom Cotter had won then he would have found some great talent.
Howard said they're begging him to come back and they're not begging him because the ratings were low. He said they were happy with the ratings. Howard said Piers shouldn't be talking about ratings when he has so few viewers.
Howard said he thinks that he set out to do what he wanted to do on AGT. Howard said that Piers is just trying to be interesting on Jimmy Fallon. The caller said he'd rather watch those dogs over Piers Morgan.
The caller said he's been watching Gary's show online and it's very good. He said it's called ''They Call Me Baba Booey.'' Robin had no idea he had a show. Howard didn't either. Howard asked what that was about. Gary said it's a tech show and he thought that Howard had seen it. Gary said you can find it at Nerdist.com under the ''videos'' heading. Gary told Howard he talks about stuff he likes on the show and it can include the Emmy nominations or discussions about gadgets. That led to Howard and Robin doing their impressions of Gary talking about things he likes. Howard was talking about how Gary likes Bruce Springsteen and typing with two fingers.
Gary said he talked about this car starter that lets you use your cell phone to start your car. He said Sonos has some new stuff out too. Howard said he's always talking about Sonos. Gary said they're always changing and bring out new stuff.
Howard played some audio from Gary's first ''They Call Me Baba Booey'' show. Gary said this isn't his best work. Howard said there's no reason to listen to that then. He immediately started playing the audio. Howard goofed on Gary from the start. He did his impression of Gary and then played more audio. He kept that up for a few minutes. Gary was talking about Apple TV and Shuli said it sounds like he has an apple and a TV in his mouth.
Gary ended up yelling at Robin about some of the stuff she was making fun of him about in the clip. Howard would play more and everyone would goof on Gary and he'd try to defend himself.
Howard played another clip of Gary talking about the Warren Littlefield book. Howard cut it off saying that Gary really loves to talk. Gary got in another plug for the Nerdist web site. Then Howard played Gary doing his MTV audition. Gary said his last name differently back then. Gary said that's Howard used to do things wrong when he was starting out. Howard said he's a success though. Gary is not.
Howard and the guys kept goofing on Gary until about 9:55. Howard had to start the news but he also had to do a spot break. Howard read a live commercial and then went to break.
Robin started off with a story about Arnold Schwarzenegger's new book and how he talks about how he had to tell his wife about his affair. Howard wondered what the chances are that he'll come on the show to talk about that. They spent a short time talking about Arnold and how he fucked everything up with that maid.
Robin read about how Dina Lohan wants to talk to Dr. Phil again after she came off so poorly on his show. Howard said it's like Phil is berating a retard when he's talking to someone like that. Howard said he's not helping her out by doing what he did. Howard said if he was interested in helping someone he wouldn't humiliate someone the way he did. Howard said at least Dr. Drew pretends that he cares. Howard played some of the audio from the Dr. Phil show where he was talking to Dina Lohan. Howard said you can hear that she's got issues and Phil shouldn't be berating her the way he does. Howard said he really hates Dr. Phil. He said he can't stand that prick. He said he hates that guys like Jay Leno give that guy respect like he's a real doctor. Howard said the guy has no respect for people on his show. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read some news about last night's Emmy Awards. She had some clips that Howard played. They had some audio of Jimmy Kimmel talking about the TV show Homeland. That led to Howard talking about how he's about 5 episodes in and he's liking it but he's getting worried about it based on some of the stuff they're doing. Robin told him to stick with it because it does get good.
Howard said he was almost on the Emmys because Jimmy asked him to do it. He said he thinks that Jimmy talked to the Emmy people and they didn't want him because he's on NBC now or something like that. Howard said they were going to do a phony bit where he'd win an award for being the best first time judge on a show or something. He said that he'd walk out all bitter and go off on everyone there.
Robin had audio of Julie Bowen accepting her Emmy. They had audio of Jon Cryer accepting his too. They both gave similar types of speeches where they basically say they're not that great and get all humble. Howard spent a couple of minutes goofing on Jon Cryer about that speech.
Robin had audio of Damian Lewis accepting an Emmy too. Howard wondered if he has fire down below since he's a red head. Howard said he's pretty amazing with the American accent on Homeland. Howard said he was just offered a movie and he wants to do it but he can't if he does AGT again. Howard said the movie would be with an academy Award winner and he thinks they'd be a good team. Howard said he didn't want to give out what the movie was. He said it was Gandi 3D.
Howard said he saw Dredd 3D this weekend. He said it was pretty cool. Howard said it's pretty simple and you could sleep through it and still know what's going on. Howard said Judge Dredd shoots through everything and kicks everyone's ass and it's all in 3D. Howard said he also saw ''End of Watch'' and liked that too. Howard said he liked both movies. Howard said he also started watching ''Revolution'' on NBC. That led him right into a live commercial read for the show.
Robin had some more Emmy clips to play. She had audio of Claire Danes thanking her husband during her acceptance speech. Howard said she had a bad dress on. Robin mentioned her husband's name and they thought she said it was Hanzi. They played some Hanzi clips during that discussion. Shuli asked Howard if he thinks that she's really crazy like Jon Hein does. Howard said that's not what he thinks. Gary said he agrees with Jon. Howard said that's because Jon is his boyfriend. That also led to them goofing on Gary and the things he likes to talk about in that internet show of his.
Robin had some audio of Mitt Romney talking about how he's going to reinvigorate the economy. Howard and Robin spent a short time talking about that before Howard had to read another live commercial.
Robin read a story about cancer research and some researchers who found that more people are surviving cancer. Howard said that's pretty cool. They had some audio of someone talking about the survival numbers.
Robin read about a panda cub that was born but died. Robin said they heard cries from the mother panda and found the baby dead. Robin said that they found that the baby was in good condition but its heart had stopped. Robin said that it was only 6 days old. Howard wondered what it is about captivity that keeps them from mating.
Howard said that he wants to mention that he did a shoot for the Wildlife Center of the Hamptons with Robert Zepps. He said that he was a nice fucking guy. He said he took pictures of him and his wife Diane. Howard said he did about 3 hours of portrait shooting. Howard said he thinks he made a new friend. Howard said Beth liked them too. Howard said if he wants to show any he'll put them up for people to see. Howard said his wife was lovely too. He said he could have done just an hour but he was there for 3-3 and a half hours. He said he can only imagine how beautiful it was for them.
Robin read about the tiger that mauled the intruder at the zoo over the weekend keeping a low profile. Robin said that the tiger has stayed out of the public eye since that incident. Robin said the guy who jumped into the pen was mauled but didn't lose a limb like people were saying. Howard said it's unreal what that guy did.
Robin read some box office numbers from this weekend. She also read that Sharon Stone had to go to the hospital after a fashion show.
Robin said they say that they have video of Kanye West and an 18 year old woman engaging in sex acts. Robin said that his lawyers are saying that they could sue over this theft.
Robin said Led Zeppelin is putting out a new concert film. She had some audio of someone talking about that. They wrapped up the news and ended the show around 10:35am.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she caught the show a little later in the show and asked if Shuli was in for someone. Jon said he sat in the entire show right next to Benjy. Jon said he's not sure if he'll be there every day.
Gary came in so Jon asked him if Shuli is in permanently. Gary said it's just something they're trying out. He said they don't commit to anything. The caller said Shuli was awesome. Gary said he thinks he's very funny and he brought an element to the show. Gary said Shuli was busting his balls today and it's like Jackie lives again.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he has been up since 3 this morning. He said he was happy to hear Shuli on the show. He said it's a long time overdue. He asked what happened with Benjy. Gary said that Benjy was there. He said Shuli was next to him. The caller said it was great that there was no vortex with him. The caller asked if they're going to get to the Romney 47 percent video. Gary thought they had last week. The caller said they didn't talk about it.
Gary said that Scott DePace isn't there because he's out at the Emmys with his wife who works for The Daily Show. Gary said that Howard might tell him he needs him there. Jon asked what JD thinks. JD said he's not going to comment. He said he would probably be there. Gary said that they've won like 11 years in a row so he's not sure Scott needs to be there. They went to break a short time later.
Benjy said he's been showing up early and he totally lucked out with the phone thing today. He said there was something crazy going on out on the East Side and he got stuck. Gary said that's the U.N. Summit. Gary asked what time he usually gets there. Benjy said he gets there around 10-15 minutes before the show starts. Gary said he's there by 5:30 himself. Benjy said he's there by 5:45 or 5:50. Jon said he was very worried for him. He said Shuli was already in there. He said he was kind of asking for it unintentionally. Benjy said he's going to go with more padding. Gary said he should.
Gary said Benjy should be there for 5:30. He said he's there by 5:35 on average. He said Benjy should be there to contribute.
Jon asked Benjy how the dynamic was with him, Shuli and Fred. Benjy said they all know each other so it's not an awkward thing. Gary asked Benjy how he felt when Shuli came in. Benjy said he was insecure at first. He said that he has very little control over what happens with that stuff. He said he had a great fucking writing day today. He said he had a lot of good stuff but he's the only one who knows that. He said that doesn't change what his function is. Gary said he agrees with him on that. He said Shuli being there had nothing to do with that. He said that Shuli was supposed to be writing but that's not what it turned out to be.
Shuli said he was told it was going to be writing. He said then it turned into something else. He said Benjy is writing like crazy the whole show. He said that he is like a machine. Shuli said he wrote maybe 4-5 things himself but Benjy was writing the whole time.
Jon said he wasn't sure if Gary was happy about Howard bringing up that Nerdist show stuff. Gary said it sounded like it was going to be good but Howard didn't know what show he was talking about. Gary said he did some news stories about the show and he thought for sure someone there would have told Howard about it and sent him the link or something. Gary said he was really surprised that Howard hadn't seen it. JD said he had the clips ready to go for a couple of weeks. Gary said he didn't send Howard the links because he didn't want him to think he had to plug it for him.
Shuli said one of his first successful calls to the show was a bit where he pulled clips from fights Howard and Gary had. He said that before the mics were on this morning he managed to piss Gary off before the show even started. Gary said that some of the people who have done really well on the show are people who have messed with him. He said Sal and Wolfie are two of them. Gary said he and Sal were in the smoking room at K-Rock talking before Sal was hired and he couldn't believe that he was helping Sal out. He said that's his job though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was glad to hear Shuli talking about Benjy cranking out stuff non-stop on the show. He said he is annoying at ties but it's great when he gets his balls busted.
Gary said that's the great thing about the show. He said Benjy is quiet in the back doing his job when he's not getting his balls busted. He said he's sitting there doing his job and doing it well.
Gary said he was talking to Howard about Benjy the other day. He said he likes it when they're in a meeting and Benjy comes up with a ridiculous idea for the show and then Howard will find this crumb from that crazy idea for something that will work. Benjy said he appreciates what Gary said. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said that they were talking about how you know Eric is coming in because you can smell him. Gary said it's not a really awful smell but you can smell him. Ronnie said that it's like not washing your ass after taking a shit for a couple of days. He said it's kind of a sour smell. Ronnie said it's like when you shit and you wipe the best you can but don't wash and then you go out and sweat. He said that's what the smell is like. He said the smell comes up as soon as you take your shorts off.
Jon asked what Eric is doing in that shower. Gary said he's not using soap. Jon said he claims he uses Chlorox every time. Shuli said the last place he lived in he didn't do anything to the shower. He had his cat litter box in the shower and he had clothes hanging in there with the cat box.
Gary said Eric thought he was thinner than Tim but only because he doesn't eat cookies but Tim does. They also talked about how Sal was ready to paint his face with his cock but Eric wasn't into it.
Benjy said he thought that Eric was into guys at one point. Gary said he thought so too but you can get Eric to say just about anything if you spend enough time with him.
Shuli said that Eric is drawn to weather men, police and firemen. He said he walked by a firehouse once and he ran in to say hi to them all. He said he's so excited when he sees those guys.
Gary said that Eric is so child like and that's child like behavior. Shuli said Eric took him to the Port Authority and he wanted to be finger printed there at the jail. Ronnie said Eric knows all the cops and he was in love with all of them.
The guys talked about how big the block party has gotten. Ronnie said he enjoys working with the guys. He said the people really enjoy seeing them and they appreciate it. Gary said he got notes from someone who was there and someone said JD wasn't on very long and didn't do a poem. Ronnie said they were cut for time. He said that they had to cut down on some stuff because they only had 90 minutes.
Will came in so Jon asked what went on with him and Ronnie. Will said he asked Ronnie where Cyndi Lauper was and he got attitude from him. He said he told him to drop the attitude because he needed information for the show. Ronnie said he gets bullshit from him all the time and he gave it back to him. Jon asked when he noticed that Ronnie was changing. Will said it was when he started the whole Macho Man Randy Savage act that he does. He said Ronnie has bought into his own bullshit. Ronnie said that's just not true. Jon said he didn't want to end the show. He was ready for more of those two yelling. They had to end the show a short time later around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about farting as they were starting the show. He said he thinks he over ate last night. He said he lost weight and wasn't farting so much but last night he binged on fruit and nuts. He said he ate enough that his belly is full and he's gaseous. Howard said he's erupting. Howard said he was snacking too much. Robin asked if it was after a meal. Howard said it was. He said on work days he has to eat tons of nuts and fruit when he's watching TV. He said he can't watch TV without eating. Robin said it's like the reflex people have when they go to the movies. Howard said he's fine at the movies. Robin said people get popcorn when they go to the movies. Howard said it's like a reflex but he has to get it under control. He said it's only in the city in a certain room next to the kitchen. Howard said the TV show is boring otherwise.
Howard said he was watching Boardwalk Empire that he taped. He said he thought he had a new Sons of Anarchy but it was a 3 minute replay. He said he hates that. Howard said they do that to fuck with him. Robin said they do that with the show Justified too.
Howard asked if Robin is watching Revolution. Robin said she is but she didn't see last night's show. Howard said he didn't see it yet either.
Howard said Sour Shoes was going to come in and play during the breaks for them but his car broke down. Howard said he has a shitty car apparently. Howard said they asked him to be the house band for them but he wasn't able to make it in on time. Howard said Sour was all excited about coming in. Howard said Sour is 33 years old and he's never had sex with a girl. Howard said some of the guys were hanging with him and found out. Howard did his impression of Sour doing his many voices for them.
Howard said the notes about Sour are frightening. He had some Jon Leiberman notes about spending time with Sour so he read through those. He had notes about the toys he has in his room and how he has many tapes of the Stern Show he recorded when he was a kid. Howard said Sour went to Pepperdine University but it took him 8 years to get through it. Howard read that he still uses a tape recorder to record the shows. He doesn't know how to use his computer to do it.
Howard said they spent time at Sour's house last summer and they found out more odd things about him there. He shaves the hair on his chest. Shuli said he brings toys up there with him too. He told Howard about some of the stuff he brings up there.
Robin said that Sour once said that he babysat. Shuli said he's heard a lot of things about the jobs he's had.
Howard said that Sour had a physical done on him a year ago and he ejaculated when the doctor examined him. Howard said that the doctor thought it was cute when he came. Howard said he wants to know who that doctor is. He wants to be cute too. Howard said he's not sure what sex that doctor was though.
Howard played some prank calls the guys made to Steve Langford using Sour Shoes audio clips. Shuli told Howard about how angry Steve got during those calls and how he slammed the phone down one day after getting one. Howard played more of the calls where Steve was getting angry and trying to talk to Sour not knowing it was just audio clips. Then the guys had someone call Steve as Sour's father and Steve doesn't know if it's really him or not. Langford tells him that he got 300 phone calls from him and the father says that can't be. Steve says that's harassment and against the law. The guys kept making the phony Sour Shoes calls to Steve and he eventually says he wants him to go to jail for this.
Howard asked Shuli if he was near Steve when this was going on. Shuli said they would tell Sal and Richard when Steve was there in the office. They were trying to help out as much as they could. Howard said this was a news story in a sense. He said Steve should have gone with it. Shuli said he was just as crazy as Sour Shoes.
Howard read more about Sour Shoes and found out he has 2 brothers and 2 sisters. He said they must be better off than he is. Shuli said he will talk to Sour for 5-10 minutes and he's not sure if he's talking to him or his parents. He said hie does such great impressions. Howard said that's why they wanted him in there today. He said he didn't even show up. Howard said it's more of a headache then Eric the Actor or any of those guys.
Howard asked the guy what he does for work. The guy said he takes care of his wife who has health problems. Howard asked how much money they live on. The guy said it's not very much. He said he gets about $235 ever two weeks. He said his wife gets SSI. Howard said they have a pretty good income. Robin asked if he married her with the problems. Howard said he just wants to know what kind of guy sucks a dick for crack.
The caller, Matt, said that he wants to work his ass off to get money. Howard said no one is going to hire him because he's jacked out of his head. He said he's been a singer since he was like 5 years old. Robin asked why he didn't come to the AGT auditions. Matt said he tried to do that but he had problems with his printer. Howard said he's afraid he's going to start sucking dick again for crack.
Howard asked if the dude blew his load in his mouth. Matt said he finished himself off. He said he kept biting down on his cock so he didn't want to finish. Howard asked if he threw up sucking that cock. Matt said he didn't but he also went to a crack whore once. He said the chick was big and fat and didn't wash all day. Howard said he thinks he's going to throw up.
Matt said he has other stories for him. Howard told Matt to call back with more stories some day. Howard was getting grossed out but then he asked more about the sucking dick thing. Howard asked if he played with his cock with his fingers first. Matt said he doesn't think so. He said he may have held on to the shaft. Howard asked if he licked his balls. Matt said he didn't do that. Shuli asked if he did any dirty talk. Matt said he just wanted to get shot up with crack again so he did what he had to do. Howard said that must be some drug if you're willing to do that.
Howard said he must be a little gay. Matt said he isn't gay, he's eccentric. Howard said he sounds gay to him. Howard said gay is eccentric. Howard said if you suck a dick you have to have a little gay in you. He said he doesn't think he could ever do that. Matt said everyone has a little gay in them and you experiment when you're young. Howard had to hang up on the guy after he got sick of him.
Shuli said that stuff has to be strong to make you forget you have a dick in your mouth. Howard and Shuli were doing their impressions of Matt's laugh for a few seconds. He had a very goofy laugh.
Howard also had a new bit where they took JD's voice and made it sound like a baby. He said that's what a baby JD would sound like. Howard said JD was on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and one of his answers was great. Howard played that clip where JD was talking about Scott DePace and if he should have been there at work when he was actually out at the Emmy's. JD said he wasn't going to comment and stammered his way through his answer. Howard did his impression of JD trying to answer. Then he replayed the baby JD clip.
Howard said King of All Blacks and Big Black did their show the other night. He said Big Black made King look kind of foolish.
Howard said Sour Shoes just showed up. Shuli told Howard that Sour has to use that 2x4 board to hold up the cord to his keyboard because the cord isn't working right and he can't find a replacement. Howard said Sour looks kind of normal and you'd think he could get a girl. Howard said it looks like he's carrying around someone's garbage.
Howard got back to the Black on Black show. Howard said King had no idea what the Electoral College was. Howard played the audio of King trying to explain what that was. Big Black was laughing when King gave his explanation to him. King was saying that the states are so small that they won't have a voice so they gave them a little power. Howard said this lunacy went on and on.
Howard said that King is also way into Demi Lovato and he doesn't get that at all. He said JD is into her too. Howard played a clip of King talking about her and how he'd drink her bath water. He said he'd drink the film off the top of the water that chases you around in the tub. Howard said he's not sure what film that is.
Jon congratulated Ronnie on his block party success. He said he heard that he has an attitude now. Ronnie said that's Will who gave him bullshit for no good reason. He said that he thinks he's all Hollywood now. He asked Jon if he thinks he has gone Hollywood. No one thought he had.
Will came in so Jon asked what went on with him and Ronnie. Will said he asked Ronnie where Cyndi Lauper was and he got attitude from him. He said he told him to drop the attitude because he needed information for the show. Ronnie said he gets bullshit from him all the time and he gave it back to him. Jon asked when he noticed that Ronnie was changing. Will said it was when he started the whole Macho Man Randy Savage act that he does. He said Ronnie has bought into his own bullshit. Ronnie said that's just not true. Jon said he didn't want to end the show. He was ready for more of those two yelling. 11:15am.
Howard said the really annoying thing is that Ronnie's voice is shot after the block parties. Howard said he's always hoarse now. He said if you yell loud enough the people must like it. Howard said he has to side with Will today.
Ronnie came in and said of course he's wrong again. Ronnie said that Will is angry too and he gave him attitude yesterday. Howard said he has to knock it off and just act like the other guys there. Howard said he has to tell Will where the guest is. Ronnie said that he's fine every day but yesterday was one time. He said that it was Will who was in a bad mood. Howard said he wasn't in a bad mood, he was under the gun trying to find a guest. Ronnie said he had already told Gary where she was. He said he always tells Will too. Will said this is like talking to a wall. He said he should stop with the attitude off the air. Will said he's Hollywood Ronnie. Ronnie said that they have to see what's going on out there with Sour Shoes.
Will told Ronnie to apologize to him and it'll be fine. Ronnie said he's not going to do that. Howard said this annoying voice thing has to stop. He said he might need to get voice lessons. Will told him to get some comedy lessons too. Ronnie said he's not a comedian. Will asked what he's doing on stage then. Ronnie told him to shut up. Howard told Will and Ronnie to try to work things out. He let them go and said he had to take a break before getting to Sour Shoes.
Howard said he can't figure Eric out. He said Gary got a 2 page letter from Eric about Johnny Fratto and Shuli. Howard said Gary gets caught in the middle of it. Howard said the letter was meant for Johnny but Gary gets CC'd on it. Howard said he's not sure if it's a bit or not. Howard said the letter goes on and on and on.
Gary told Howard that Eric was writing about how Johnny should be available for him and he wants Johnny to pay for pain pads that he uses for the pain he's in. Gary said he goes into a long winded thing about Shuli too. Gary said the thing that makes him laugh is that Eric said that Johnny should be combing the crowd for his groupies to bring them back to his room for him. Howard laughed and asked if that's what he really expects. Eric said it is for real. Howard said he can't tell if it's real or not.
Eric asked if they have Johnny on to explain his part. Shuli said Johnny is tapped out. He said he woke up to Eric yelling at him about his 10th anniversary. Howard said Eric can't be for real with the groupies. Howard said his groupies would have contacted him and he wouldn't have to comb the crowd. Howard said they make themselves known. Howard said maybe he has shy groupies.
Howard picked up on Johnny and said he got reamed in that 2 page letter. Johnny said Eric does think he has groupies. He said that Eric would be the mummy if he got all of the pain patches he wanted. He said they can't be good for you.
Howard asked Johnny why he's still involved with Eric. Johnny said he went too far. He said Eric can be nice but this last 6 months has been horrifying. Howard asked if he gets calls at home. Johnny said he gets about 30 calls a day. He said if he tells him he's in the shower he'll call back in one minute. Howard asked Eric if that's true. Eric said maybe. Johnny said that he was playing basketball with his son and Eric thought that he should be working for him.
Howard said there's no money in this for Johnny. He said Eric has to know that. Johnny said that he got invited to that show the other night and he said the show was great. He said Eric started on him right away there. He said he didn't know that Eric was talking about his own groupies. Howard said maybe he wants him to pressure some girls into sleeping with him. Eric said if he had shown up with the people he said he was going to show up with then he wouldn't need groupies. Johnny said he wanted some porn stars. One showed up and the other one didn't. Johnny said maybe the other one killed herself.
Johnny told Howard about Ronnie's screaming at the block party shows and how loud he is. Howard said he really has to hang up and move on. He said that he doesn't have time for this today. Howard let Johnny go and then Eric. Howard said that the letters they get are hard to believe and they end up getting involved in them.
Ronnie came in and told Howard that Sour's car overheated so he had to add water to it. He said the car was like 150 degrees inside because he told him to run the heater to keep it from overheating. Howard asked how he even affords the car. Ronnie said he claims he has a job.
Howard saw the car which was an old Plymouth Volare. Howard asked what year it is. Ronnie said it might be late 70s. Robin said it has to be from the 80s. Howard said he really has to take a break but he has to talk to Sour.
Howard had the guys bring Sour in. Sour came in and started doing voices. Howard asked him to speak normally. Sour changed voices but he was still doing a weird voice. Sour said he got the call on September 9th. He did his Gary impression and then did a Will impression too. Howard said his Gary impression is great. Sour said the voice is pretty good but the speed he does it is very close. Howard said that Gary cuts people off all the time. He said he doesn't care either. He cut his own wife off at dinner recently and told a story that she started to tell.
Howard said he thought it would be cool to have Sour in there today. Howard asked if it's true he hasn't gotten laid. Sour confirmed. Howard asked if he ever kissed a girl. Sour said he did but it was when he was 7 years old. Howard asked if he has a job. Sour has about 3 jobs. He's working a bunch of jobs at Roy Rogers and a couple of other places.
Howard asked Sour about his home life and how he has toys all over his room. Sour did an impression of Jon Leiberman talking about the toys in his room.
Howard asked about the doctor giving him a physical and how he ejaculated. Sour said it was a female doctor. Howard asked if he plays with his toys. Sour said he does. He said he plays with the matchbox cars and stuff while he makes phony phone calls.
Howard asked what this doctor looks like. Sour said she looks kind of like Lisa G with dark hair. Sour was going in and out of his Gary impression and other voices as he told these stories.
Howard asked if he was in his underwear with the doctor. Sour said he was. Howard asked what she was examining when he came. Sour said she was checking his posture. He said when she started breathing on his shoulder she touched his rib area and his tummy. Then he exploded. Sour said she went down the back of his leg too. Howard asked what she was touching him so much for. Howard asked if this is a true story. Sour said it is. Howard asked why she was touching the back of his legs. Sour said he has a growth and she was checking for more. Howard said maybe she could just look. Robin said she might do that from now on. Sour said he got a full boner and then he started spraying all over. Howard said that load has been building for a long time.
Howard asked if he sprayed into his underpants. Sour said he started giggling and said ''wow.'' He said she knew what happened. Howard asked if Sour bathed today. Howard said he smells something. Sour said he bathed last night and this morning. Howard asked if he has socks on. Sour said he does today. Howard said maybe it's his shoes.
Howard asked what the doctor said after he came. Sour said she said ''Aww... that's cute.'' Sour said he did the baby voice after that. Howard said she must think he's retarded. Sour said maybe she does. Howard said he's whacked out of his skull. Howard asked if he's mentally challenged. Sour said he doesn't know. Sour did go to college for 8 years. Howard said he seems bright and normal but then he can't figure out why he can't get his act together.
Howard asked Sour if he's ever been tested. Sour said he had the Rorschach test but he doesn't know how that came out. Sour said that he got hit in the head with a baseball when he was in 11th grade. He said ever since then he has had weird thoughts. He said he had a concussion and he was in the hospital for 3 days. Howard asked if his parents noticed a difference after that. Sour said he started thinking about weird stuff back then. He said that he was focusing on how there is no end to things and he would obsess on infinity. Sour said then he slammed his head into a windshield and that made it worse. Howard said he was normal until that baseball hit.
Howard said he thinks that he was always fucked up and his parents are just making an excuse for all of this. Shuli asked if he always did the voices and stuff. Shuli said that he has. He said his family does that kind of stuff.
Howard asked if Sour eats with his parents. He said he still does. He did an impression of Artie but it wasn't recognizable to Howard. Howard said he likes when he's Ferrall. Sour did his Ferrall impression for a few seconds. Howard asked if he calls him every night. Sour said he does call the number in the studio. Howard said he should pick a normal character and play that part to pick up girls. Sour said he can't help getting into the other voices.
Howard asked if his parents ask him not to do the voices. Sour said they'll ask if he's on the phone and most of the time he's not on the phone. He's just talking to himself. Sour did his Gary impression again. Howard said he loves that Gary impression. Sour also did an impression of Fred the Elephant Boy. He was doing impressions and going from voice to voice. He did an impression of Gary doing his They Call Me Baba Booey internet show. Gary said he's getting it right with all of the pauses and everything just right. Sour kept going and recited some of the Nerdist show. Howard said he's a super talented mother fucker. Howard said he would go see a one man show with him as the star.
Howard asked Sour how many times he had to watch that internet show. Sour said he watched it like 30 times. Sour said he loves Gary's quick movements too. He said the last time he was up there about 9 years ago he noticed some of the movements he makes. Howard said it's amazing what he does with the impression.
Gary asked Sour what he does at Roy Rogers. Sour said that he does voices the whole time. Howard asked if they get annoyed. Sour said they do. He said they have the generated music playing there and he'll talk it up. Howard said Roy Rogers is a family place so they must want him to stay in line. Howard said he must be a good employee. Sour said he does his voices all day long around the house.
Shuli said that Sour will call him and he'll do an entire show for him. He said he gets into it too. Sour did a Jeff the Drunk voice that Howard didn't recognize. Shuli said that he just runs through voices with him on the phone.
Gary said that he and Sour would do a show around noon every Friday. He said that he'd call up in the office and he'll play a game with him and the interns out there. Howard said he has to take a break so Sour can set up and play. Howard said they have stuff set up for him already but he's not sure if he needs his own stuff there. Howard said he can do whatever he wants to do.
Howard asked if Sour is medicated. Sour said he's not yet. Howard said he must want a girlfriend and a life. He said he's a grown man. Sour laughed. Howard said maybe he's like Michael Jackson being stuck in his childhood. Sour said he kind of likes it. Howard asked if he's been on a date. Sour said he has a time or two. He said in 1998 he went out with someone. Howard said that was a long time ago. He did the math and figured it was like 14 years ago. Sour said a few years later he went out for ice cream. He said he goes to sleep really early anyway.
Howard asked why he shaves his chest. Sour said he cuts his own hair and just keeps going. Howard said they noticed he shaves himself.
Robin asked if they think he's a criminal at all. Howard said he doesn't think so. Sour said he's a Teddy bear. Howard asked if there's anyone he'd like to fuck there. Sour said he likes Lisa G and Tracey. He said he likes a couple of other chicks there at Sirius. Howard asked if he likes any famous chicks like Kelly Ripa like High Pitch Eric does. Sour laughed.
Howard asked if Sour watches porn or anything. Sour said they only have one computer and it's Texas Instruments. He said that they only have basic cable too. Sour said he doesn't really watch porn. Howard said they could give him some if he wants. Sour said he likes to save up so he can see how much he can spray. Sour said he hasn't done anything since the doctor's appointment in august. Howard just said ''Oh my god.''
Howard said Sour is like a kid. Sour said Fred made a good point when he said there is no intro to today's songs. Howard said Sour seems to be embarrassed by the whole sex talk thing. Howard said he might have to do those dumb voices while he's having sex. Howard said he really has to take a break now. Howard asked if he was ever molested. Sour said he doesn't think so. He said he did get peed in the face by someone named Kevin. Sour said that the kid got him down and started peeing all over his face. Howard asked if he liked it. Sour said it was a bitter taste. He said he had just finished playing tennis ball baseball and the kid started wrestling him and he took it to another level and peed on him. Howard said that's dark.
Howard asked if his parents were excited that he was leaving the house. Sour said they were. He said they get up at 4:30 to go swimming so they were on the same schedule this morning. Howard asked Sour if he has songs all picked out. Sour said he'll think of something. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and turned it over to Sour Shoes who performed Cyndi Lauper's ''All Through The Night'' as a DJ and as Ferrall and even threw in a little Mariann from Brooklyn impression. Howard asked Sour some questions as Gary and Sour did his Gary impression. He had all kinds of Gary quotes and facts.
Howard wanted to play the game that he plays with Gary in the back office. Sour did the whole talk up as if he were himself calling Gary. Sour played the game where he asks questions about music history. Gary answered one correctly so Howard wanted to give it a try. Sour played a song and Gary knew what it was immediately. Howard thought it was Gary Wright ''Telephone'' but he wasn't sure if he was right or not. Gary thought it was Level 42 but it was Glass Tigers ''Some Day.''
Howard was doing his Steve Langford impression trying to get Sour's attention. Then he picked up on Tracey Millman (Rachel Butera) who was on the line. Sour said he loves her. He said he wanted to send a song out to her. The two of them went back and forth talking for a few seconds before Sour performed a song for her.
Howard said it's an amazing talent but he's all over the place. Howard told Sour to give Gary one more question and he'll move on to other things. sour played a song from 1977 and did his Gary impression talking it up. Howard asked what happened to the game. Sour was all over the place doing baseball game calls and things like that.
Howard asked Gary if he knew this song. Gary said it was Men at Work. He was right. Howard said he didn't know that one. Howard asked for one that he would recognize. Sour played another song for him and said Howard opened up his show with this one. Sour played a song and Howard didn't know it. Gary did though.
Howard asked Sour to turn it down now. He said he's just a little flavor, not the whole show. Robin asked what happened to Sour's show. Howard said it was a bit much. Sour said he's doing it quarterly. He said Tim didn't want to over do it. Howard said he has to take a break and then come back and get to more of the show. Howard asked Sour to play them into commercial with a real song. Sour performed a song as they went to break.
Howard said he's sounding good. Howard asked if he can play something straight without goofing around. Howard asked what song he can do that to. Sour said he can do that. Sour talked it up like a DJ and said it's an Elton John song. Sour sang the song as Elton but he wasn't able to do it without going into a goofy voice.
Howard said Jon Leiberman is there with his Howard 100 News preview. Howard said he has a story about a new feud there. Jon said he spent the day with Sour. He said his bedroom resembles his 5 year old son's bedroom. He said he was watching cartoons at one point.
Jon said they have a few breaking stories. He said the first is this feud between Jason and JD Harmeyer. He said that their relationship has deteriorated. Howard said he had some audio of this. Howard played a clip of JD and Jason going at each other on the Wrap Up Show. JD was upset with Jason trying to prove that he's the best employee around there. Jon said this started when Jason asked why they were sending pictures from the Block Party out and not sending them to the show.
JD and Jason came in to talk about this. JD said that Jason is trying to make it seem like he doesn't give a shit about the show when he does. Gary said the complaint is that JD goes out on the block party but he won't tell them who he fucked when he comes back. Jason said he has tries setting up accounts for these guys to send their pictures to.
Jon said that JD is very articulate when he's fighting with Jason. He said he has a 45 second clip where he doesn't say ''uh'' once. Howard told the guys that they work for the show so they should be sending the pictures to the show. Howard said every guy there should cancel their Twitter account. JD said he'll do that for him if he wants.
Howard asked JD what his defense is. JD said it's hard to be around Jason at work. He said Jason didn't ask him at all to send him the pictures. He said he voiced his displeasure to Jon Leiberman in front of him. JD said he's not the block party photographer guy anyway. Howard asked if Jason asked JD to send pictures. Jason said he did ask JD to send him pictures if he got any good ones out there. JD said he doesn't remember him doing that. Jason said he didn't single JD out in the story either. He said he saw Ronnie sending out Tweets and other guys too. He said he was just venting to the news. Jason said the bigger story is that JD isn't upset about this. He was unloading about other stuff.
Howard said it's okay if Jason is a good employee. JD said he knows that. He said he respects him as an employee but he's busting the ass of people who he thinks aren't good employees. JD said he isn't stopping him from using pictures either. Howard asked who he works for. JD said he knows he works for Howard Stern. JD said he doesn't care about the block party. He said he will just do his job and that's it.
Jon said that this isn't about the block party. They have a personal feud going on. JD said he came home from the block party and he was fine for work but he was tired. Howard said he really doesn't need this block party stuff. Jason was laughing at JD and JD almost walked out. He said he can't deal with Jason. Howard said he likes that Jason tells him this stuff. Howard said Jason is his go to guy.
Jon said that JD has asked the block party people to book him on Virgin airlines because it's better for his sinuses. Jason was cracking up. JD said that this is Jason over laughing because that's his M.O. Howard asked if that's true that his sinuses are better on Virgin. JD said he was fine on JetBlue this time.
Howard asked JD who loves him. JD said he loves Howard too and he loves the show. Howard said Jason is going to make him a better employee. Howard told JD to just send his pictures to Jason and Jason will distribute them. Howard said Jason is right. JD said ''Whatever.'' He said he doesn't like him. Howard said JD is mad at Jason for laughing. Howard said JD laughs at everything.
Howard told JD to apologize. JD apologized to HowardStern.com and Jason took that as a personal apology since he runs it. Jason said he heard the news stories about JD and he was going off on him about GEEKTIME and the guests they book on the show. He said JD has a lot of stuff against him that he didn't know about. Howard said the news department is right on with this stuff.
Howard let Jason and JD go and told them to get back to work. Howard said Jason is employee of the month. Jon said he had one more thing to get to quickly. He said that Lisa G has signed a book deal and it's going to be called Sex, Lies and Cookies. Jon told Howard about the book and said that each chapter will have a cookie recipe that will reflect what was going on in her life at the time. Howard said Sour is attracted to Lisa. Howard asked if he would cum if she touched him on the shoulder. Sour said he would.
Ronnie told Howard that Jon just pissed Lisa off out there. He said she's looking really angry. Lisa came in and said that she doesn't know what Ronnie is talking about. She said she thought that was very nice of Jon to mention it.
Howard asked Lisa if she would touch Sour on the shoulder. Howard told her what happened when he went to the doctor. Lisa said she heard it. Howard asked if she would touch him on the shoulder to see if it would happen now. Lisa asked what part she has to touch. Howard said the doctor touched his shoulder and ribs. Sour said if he feels her breathing then he might finish. Howard said he just wants to see if he cums in his pants. Lisa said she'll touch his shoulders. She said she sees nothing wrong with that. Howard asked her to touch above his knee on the back of his leg. She said she'll start at the shoulders and see what happens.
Howard had Lisa go over to Sour and start touching his shoulders. Lisa pretended to be the doctor and told him to take a deep breath and give a cough and say ahh. Sour did that and Lisa touched his ribs. Then Howard had her rub him. Sour was doing his baby voice. Howard had Sour stand up so he could see if he had a boner. Sour had a boner. Howard had Lisa touch the back of his leg. Sour did another cough and Lisa said she could see the back of his pants had a hole in them. Howard asked her to breathe on the back of his neck. Shuli told her she could add this to her book.
Howard asked if Sour came. Sour said ''A little.'' Sour was touching himself according to Jon Leiberman. There was a spot on his pants and it was growing according to Gary. Howard said he really did blow a load. Howard said Lisa got him off. Lisa was smiling big according to Jon. Lisa said that was the least sexual thing she's ever had to do. Howard said Sour blew a big fucking load. Lisa said she just touched his shoulders. Howard said Lisa is good. She got him off. Lisa said anyone could have done that.
Howard said Sour blew a load. Howard asked how that was for him. Sour was just laughing. Howard said he's looking at Lisa a whole different way. Lisa said that's why she's writing a book. Ronnie said it would take a lot more than that to get him off. Howard said Lisa is a bit of a hooker. Howard said she barely touched him and he blew a load. Sour said he hadn't done it since August 9th. Ronnie asked Lisa when she last did it. Lisa wasn't talking.
Howard said he didn't know Sour was going to have such a good time today. Lisa asked if Sour could get married. Shuli said ''not in those pants.'' Howard said he's looking at Lisa in a very sexual way now. Lisa said that you have to look at who she's dealing with. Howard told Sour to thank Lisa for what she just did for him. Sour did his baby voice and thanked her. Howard told her to talk to her as a man. Howard told him what to say and Sour repeated after him. Howard said he just had sex with Lisa G. Lisa said he has a big rip in his butt too. Howard asked if he was free balling it. Sour was. He didn't have any underwear on.
Howard said he has Perez Hilton there and he's going to fill them in on what's going on. Howard thanked Jon for the update and congratulated Lisa on her book deal. Howard had Sour play them out to commercial with a song.
Howard came back and asked if that was LMFAO that Fred was playing. Fred said it was. Howard said they're breaking up to go make their own solo albums that will probably be awful. Howard said he does like that song though.
Howard had Perez Hilton come in and asked if he had any song requests for Sour Shoes. Perez asked for La Bamba. Sour went right into the song. Perez asked if he does rap songs. Sour did Funky Cold Medina for him. Howard said that was enough. He said it's getting annoying.
Howard asked Perez if he's lost weight since they saw him last. Perez said he doesn't weigh himself but he does have abs now. He said he was obese when he met Howard. Howard said he was obese back then. He said he was kind of miserable and unhappy back then too. Perez said he didn't know he was unhappy but now that he's healthier he is happier.
Perez said he was in yoga the other day and he tweeted out to her about the concept of yin and yang. He said he can be deep and he can be superficial too. He said the fact that he has abs makes him happy.
Howard said when Perez was unhappy he would spend the whole day in his room working on that web site of his. Now he's doing a Broadway show and going to the gym. Howard asked how the hell he can burn the candle at both ends. Perez said now it's just making choices. He said he has 5 web sites and his own radio show stuff and a TV production company too. Howard said he can't be doing a Broadway show and working out and doing this other stuff. Perez said he doesn't get much sleep and he loves what he's doing so he doesn't complain.
Howard said Perez is shirtless in many of the pictures he posts now. He has pictures of himself in a diaper out on the web too. Howard said he was practically nude. Perez said he was playing Prince Harry so he was nude in underwear.
Howard said some people are accusing him of getting abs with surgery. Perez said that's not true and this has been a 5 year process. He said it's 80 percent what you eat and don't drink. He said if you cheat and booze a lot then you won't be in good shape. Howard said he just lost 10-13 pounds and he had to stop drinking wine to do that. Perez said that's what you have to do but it sucks. He said he has fun doing other stuff.
Howard asked Perez if he's almost anorexic. Perez said he's not. Howard asked if he thinks he's too thin. Perez said he's not. He said he drinks lots of protein shakes and he knows when to eat and what to eat. Howard asked if he was ever this skinny in his life. Perez said he never was. He said he knows how hard it is to maintain abs now.
Howard asked Perez if he has met anyone that he's fallen in love with. Perez said he hasn't yet. He said he's very picky but his heart is open. He said he is looking for a husband but he's open to sex. He said the last date he went on was in August and they hooked up then. He said the guy lives in a different city though. He said that they did more than blow each other. He said he went up the other guy's asshole. Perez said the guy is a dancer so he can do amazing things with his butt. He said he was able to squeeze him with his butt cheeks and that was just the appetizer. Howard asked if he came and then had to wait to go in his ass. Perez said he was drunk at the time. He said they went in the shower first. Howard said that's a good place to start. Howard asked why he isn't husband material. Perez said he lives in Vegas. Perez said he's all over the place himself. Perez said he is open to all of this stuff but it's hard.
Howard said Perez is a sugar daddy and he could be moving the guy in with him. Perez said he'd like to find an equal. He said the guy is a great guy but he's unsure what he wants to do with his life. He said that can be unhappiness and he is really happy himself so he wants someone who is an equal.
Howard asked what the guy did to him in the shower. Perez said the guy had him bend over and he ate his ass. Howard said he must worry about the smell and all of that. Perez said that they were in the shower so that's not that big of a worry. Perez said they were massaging each other's penis during the shower time too. Howard asked if he's afraid of any kind of STDs. Howard said Paris Hilton said that they apparently can get them pretty easy. Perez said that he knows Paris and he thinks that there are other people who say this stuff on purpose and Paris was just being ignorant and not hateful. Howard said he thinks he would agree with him on that. Howard said he's not a fan of Paris Hilton but he agrees with him on this. Howard said that she was having a conversation with a gay friend at the time. Perez said that she was probably high too. He said she's a wake and baker daily.
Perez said that he makes fun of Paris in the show he does and she came to see it and she enjoyed it. Perez said he's doing a show off Broadway, called NEWSical, and he plays Prince Harry in it so he's pretty much nude. Perez said he plays a lot of characters in the play.
Howard asked Perez if he sings in this play. Perez said he does. Howard asked him to sing. Perez sang a song for him and he sounded kind of like a Mark Harris.
Howard said he heard Perez talking about working with Lindsay Lohan and what a nightmare that was. Perez said she's been hospitalized just recently. Perez said that he's shocked that she still gets gigs. He said that they did Glee together and the director, Eric Stoltz, personally emailed everyone who was going to be in the episode. He wanted them to come in off book with all of their lines memorized. Lindsay came in not knowing any of her lines. Howard asked how she can expect to go in on a movie and not know her lines. Perez said maybe she thinks that she can learn them while they rehearse. She had to ask for her lines during the shoot and the first day went fine enough. He said the second day of shooting was a few days later in a different location. Perez said the second day was in a big auditorium and they had a lot of extras. Lindsay showed up over 4 hours later. Howard asked if he was shitting him. Perez said they said it was a miscommunication about the call time. Perez said that's such bull because they have the call time on a sheet of paper. Perez said it might have been more than 4 hours.
Perez said they were judges in a performance number and Lindsay didn't want to sit with him and Rex Lee during filming. She thought they didn't need her during the shoot so they had her stand-in sitting with them instead.
Howard asked what Eric Stoltz was doing during this. Perez said he had to keep the rest of the staff calm because they were pissed about her showing up late.
Howard said he understands that. Howard said if they replace Sharon on AGT and he goes back, he's going to expect the person to show up on time and be professional. Howard said he sees where this came from with Lindsay because of her mother's behavior.
Perez told Howard that it got worse. He said that Lindsay would get up to take a break and not tell anyone where she was going. Howard said he's surprised that Perez didn't tell her to act professional or he'd expose it. Perez said he's surprised that no one else told her not to do this stuff. Howard said Perez has millions of followers on the internet so he has power.
Howard asked if Stoltz had to handle her. Perez said that's the producer's job to handle her. He said Eric was doing his job directing. He said that they had to extend the shoot to a second day because of her. Howard asked why he didn't write this up. Perez said he wanted to respect that thing and not dis the show or anything. Perez said that this was months ago and he held off on talking about it until now.
Howard said that Perez is in this ''NEWSical'' play and he's going to be in that until sometime in October. Perez said he likes being in New York because he can sleep in a bit more. He said he still has to wake up and do radio but he's liking it there.
Howard said Perez was critical of Brad Pitt's mother who wrote an open letter about being against gay marriage.
Howard said that Perez is also talking to people about being a former bully who is reformed now. Perez said he hasn't had a drink or a cheat day for a long time either. He said he was going to do that for a month. He said that he had some extra skin on his body and he wanted to get rid of it without surgery. He said he had to build muscle and do other stuff. He said he has become more spiritually happy and connected through all of this. Howard asked if he's now a rabbi. Perez said he isn't but he has changed his spiritual views and he's into this ''energy'' thing that some people call God.
Howard had to ask Sour Shoes to be quiet when he started playing church music while Perez was talking about spirituality. Perez was going on and on about tapping into this energy thing. He said that energy has to be positive and negative to work. He said that's the way a battery works.
Howard asked how many stories he's sat on since becoming a better person. Perez said that it's not sitting on them, it's the way he goes about reporting on them. Howard asked Perez what he thinks happened to Amanda Bynes. Perez said he's not sure but it could be drugs or something. He said he's really not sure. He said that she could end up being the biggest fuck up of 2012. He said that Lindsay Lohan is the one they always talk about when he's on the show though.
Perez said that Britney Spears seems to have straightened up her act but the stuff they show on the X-Factor are edited so it'll be interesting to see what happens on the live shows.
Howard said Perez can't really go to a regular religion because he's a gay man and they're so against gay people. Perez said that's why he likes spirituality. He said that it works for him. Perez said they use religion as an excuse for hate. Robin agreed with him on that.
Howard said he still follows Perez on Twitter. Perez asked how Beth is doing. Howard said she'd doing well. He said Beth went out to the opera with some friends last night. Howard said he didn't want to go. He said he could throw up from that. Howard said if he didn't have to work the next day he might have tried it, who knows.
Perez said he has an animal web site called TeddyHilton.com where he reports on a lot of what Beth does. He said he loves what she does. Howard said Beth told him that she really liked the opera and he got worried about that.
Perez asked Howard if he would ever live out in L.A. Howard said he's not sure. He said he has family there in New York so he has a reason to be there. He said he could move out there because he rarely leaves his house. Howard said he almost did move out there years ago. He said he was ready to quit if they didn't let him syndicate his show at K-Rock. Howard said he would have taken the job out there if they hadn't let him syndicate. Perez told Howard he could do even more TV stuff if he was out there. Howard said he doesn't want to do more work.
Howard thanked Perez for coming in and wrapped up. He had him make a request for Sour Shoes to play them out to break. Perez asked if he could do a version of that LMFAO song. Howard asked him to play a nice song for him. Sour did a B-52s song instead. Howard asked if Perez could do a name that tune kind of thing. Perez said he could. Sour started to do a song and it was a Barbara Streissand song. Howard had him play a nice song out so he could let Perez go. Sour played them out and did his Gary impression as he did that. Howard asked if he ever practices. Howard asked for King Crimson's Court of the Crimson King. Sour did some of that and Howard sang along with him a bit.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the Sour bit was the best. He said it's going to be the cum shot heard around the world. Howard said Lisa touched him on the back and he blew a load. Howard said she touched him like he was a cadaver. Shuli said that it looked like two virgins touching each other. Shuli said he's looking at her in a different way now too though.
The caller said that Sour is great and he calls his wife who suffers from depression. He calls just to cheer her up. Sour said he calls her as Paul McCartney and it cheers her up.
Howard asked Sour to play ''Maybe I'm Amazed'' as Paul. Sour did his Paul impression and did some of the song for Howard. Howard cut him off before he could do the whole song. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who said he thought Sour's load was fake. He said that Lisa was too willing to do it. He said she was willing to touch him. Howard said she was just touching his shoulder. Howard said within seconds he was done. Howard said you can see this on Howard TV. Hanzi said he doesn't have Howard TV anymore. Howard said the people who do can see it. Howard said he swears that it was real.
Hanzi asked if he can come into the studio. Howard said he can be on if he plays in a band. Hanzi said ''fuck you dude.'' Howard said he likes Hanzi on the show. Hanzi said they never let him on. Howard said yes to him being on the show. He didn't have an answer for when that would be though. Howard asked what he can do. Hanzi said he can sit in. He can do jokes. Sour did his Mad Dog Chris Russo voice and tried talking to Hanzi. Hanzi wasn't playing along.
Sour went into his Ferrall impression and tried talking to Hanzi but Hanzi wasn't playing along with that either. He said he's an asshole. Howard asked who the asshole was, Sour or Ferrall. Hanzi said ''who cares.''
Sour was doing his Mad Dog impression and talked to Howard about sports. Sour had him cracking up laughing. Howard said that Sour was on the Mike Francesa show when he won an impression contest and they didn't even give him a prize.
Howard told Hanzi that he will have him in for something but he's not sure what yet. Hanzi asked him to help get him some acting roles on some TV shows. Howard said Eric the Actor is funny to watch but he's not sure Hanzi would be. Howard said it doesn't feel organic with Hanzi asking like that. Hanzi asked him to do that for him. Robin said Eric came up with that on his own. Hanzi said he did not. Sour did his Gary impression and tried talking to him. Hanzi was all pissed off so he was talking to him as if it was really him. Howard said he will have Hanzi on but he has to just wait. Hanzi ended up hanging up on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Sour to do his Mutt impression from Superfan Roundtable. Sour did some of that impression and had Mutt down pretty good too.
Howard said the cool thing is that the texting will come up on his computer too. He said he digs it. Howard said he's not sure what good it does him that it's better and faster. Howard said he's happy he has a new phone. He said he's all excited about it but he's not sure why.
Howard said it has Siri and he uses that. Howard said he fed it voices to see if it could understand stuff. Howard said they had James Brown on the show years ago so they talked to Siri using the James Brown audio clips. Siri said that she didn't understand. They also played some Crackhead Bob audio for it and she tried to interpret but didn't quite get it. Howard said they played some other clips for Siri and it didn't get those but it was trying. Howard said they played some Joe Frazier clips and she answered them but she didn't really understand.
Howard said they played Beetlejuice for her and she thought he was asking for ''Jared Barto Propagandists.'' Howard said they played another clip of Beet for her and she thought that he was looking for designer lip gloss. Howard said that they had George Takei saying Guacamole. She thought it had to do with a train.
Howard played one where Crackhead Bob was asking for chicken chow mein. She didn't get that one. A James Brown clip said that she was the nicest and most sincere people and Siri responded with ''Thank you, you're too kind.''
Howard said there was a Full House reunion and Stamos, Saget and Coulier showed up. The only people not to show up were the Olsen Twins. Howard had to ask Sour to calm down again. He was joking around and playing his keyboard. He asked Howard if he thinks that Gary Oldman ever met Henny Youngman. Howard asked if he was doing jokes now. Sour said that's all he had.
Howard said Sour went to Gary's father's funeral. He said that's weird. Gary said he thought it was kind of sweet at the time. Howard asked Sour if he was talking in his real voice now. Sour was doing that. Shuli said that might be the creepiest voice of all.
Gary said that he saw Sour show up at the funeral and there was a parking lot next to the church and he was out in the parking lot playing football with himself. He said he was throwing it up in the air as far as he could and then running to catch it. Sour said he was going to the beach to play. Sour said they sang ''On Eagles Wings'' in the church. Gary said he's so not religious so Sour would know better than he would. Sour played some of that song and said that it was like a Steve Winwood song. He went right into that song too.
Howard took a call from a guy who had a request for Sour. He asked him to do Mariann from Brooklyn's voice singing Ann Murray. Sour did his Mariann voice and sang a ''Dreaming'' for the caller.
Howard let Yucko go and went through some notes he had about yesterday's show. He had a note about how bad High Pitch Eric smelled.
Howard had a new iPhone 5 commercial parody where Tim was talking to Siri and Siri was responding to him telling him how fat he is and things like that.
Gary said he may have written down the Eric smells thing because he had the clip of Ronnie talking about it on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said that's right but he has to get to news instead. He had to read a live commercial first.
Howard said Sour has been performing with a load in his pants for the past couple of hours. Howard said he hasn't left the studio since he had that load in there.
Robin started off her news with some Yom Kippur updates. Fred played some audio of Gilbert Gottfried singing some songs for the holiday. Howard said the city should have no traffic while this is going on but they have the U.N. thing going on and that's causing traffic tie ups. Sour did some of his Jackie impression and Howard thought that was his Mad Dog impression. That led to Sour doing his Jackie jokes as Mad Dog. Sour was doing the Mad Dog impression and had Howard cracking up with some of his responses. Howard asked if he had a song for Yom Kippur.
Robin had some news about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and what he's been saying while in the country for the U.N. stuff. She had a few stories about what people were talking about at the U.N. Sour was doing more impressions during the news as well. He was doing an Obama impression that wasn't so great. Howard said Ralph was the one who told him that it was great. He said Ralph always leads him down the wrong road.
Robin read about about a gay marriage court case that's going on and how it could end up going to the supreme court. Howard asked Sour, as Mad Dog Russo, what he thought would happen. Sour did his impression for a minute and had Howard laughing at some of his lines. Howard said he would love to see the supreme court come out for gay marriage but he's not sure what will happen there. Sour did his Gary impression again when Shuli asked for his thoughts on a story.
Howard did a live commercial after that. Howard was cracking up thinking about how he had a guy sitting there with a load in his pants. Sour was cracking up too. Howard asked him to play them back in with a song. Sour ended up doing a couple of quick songs and Howard did his WNBC DJ voice to help him out.
Robin read a story about a woman who was trying to get Obama's name from the ballot in Mississippi. Robin said she's saying that he wasn't born in the United States and his Social Security number isn't real.
Howard took a call from Debbie the Pet Lady who was crying about something. Howard asked her what she had on her mind. Shuli asked her to calm down. Debbie was going nuts yelling saying he owed her 10 minutes on his show. Howard said he doesn't have 10 minutes and hung up on her.
Bobo called in and said that Robin looks stunning in the Daily News today. Howard said Robin mentioned that too. Bobo said Sour Shoes is spot on with his impressions and he loves it. Howard asked if he still has Sal's pubs on his face. Bobo said he took them off as soon as he got outside that day.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Monica Lewinsky claims that she tossed Bill Clinton's salad. Howard said he didn't know that. Howard asked if he's kidding about that. The caller said she has a book in the works and they found that in the testimony she gave. Gary said they have the redacted papers and you can look up what the words were that they redacted and you can do the math and figure it out. That led to Howard asking Gary about having that done to him. Gary said he had a girl do it to him but he took a bath first. Howard wondered who would look at Gary and want to lick his ass. Howard said he'd push a woman's head away if a woman went down on him like that. He said he can't imagine. He said he thinks that Beth is his last sexual stop and he may never get it. The caller asked if there is bacteria in there. The guys said there is but Gary said people do it all the time and don't die. Shuli asked if he was on his back when he had it done. Howard asked when Gary is going to tell the kids about that. Gary said that he got Jackson a car that has Sirius in it but he only got him the Family package. Gary said he doesn't need his kids listening to him.
Howard asked Gary how long this went on with him. Gary said it was like 5 minutes. Howard asked if she got deeper and deeper. Gary said there was a lot of alcohol involved and it was a long time ago. Howard asked if she got to the balloon knot. Gary said she did and that's the whole point. The caller was cracking up at all of this.
Shuli asked where you go after 30 seconds of that. Gary said the girl moves to your penis after that. He said he thinks that's what they call a rusty trombone. The caller asked if he kissed her after that. Gary said he probably did.
Ronnie came in to talk about how he's had a tongue up his ass a few times. Howard said he's a big star and he's never had that. Howard said he was famous in his 20s and he's never had that. Gary said he was married for 27 years. Ronnie said it's great. He said you don't blow a load from it though. The caller asked if his new girlfriend does it. Ronnie said he never said she did that. Howard asked if Ronnie was on his back. Ronnie said he was. Ronnie said he had it on his back with his legs in the air and on his stomach where she got up there and spread it open. The caller was cracking up laughing at all of that. Howard asked if they go all the way to the balloon knot. Ronnie said they try. Robin said Ronnie is hairy too. Howard said they have to work hard to get down there.
Shuli asked if Ronnie has had other things in his ass. He's had a finger. Shuli thought he had a vibrator in there. Ronnie said he had it on the taint but not in his ass. Ronnie said the greatest thing ever is to take a small vibrator and put it on the head of your dick and you'll cum. Ronnie said that he had someone do that to him. The caller was still laughing so Ronnie asked what's so funny about all of this.
Ronnie gave Howard some details about what to do and Howard said he must be great in bed. Ronnie also told a story about having a smelly chick once. He said they took a couple of chicks out and went to a hotel. He said they were going back and forth doing these chicks and tag teaming them. Ronnie said this one girl had a bush the size of a bush in front of your house. Ronnie said that was back in the days when girls had that. He said that chick smelled so bad. Howard said that traps the smells when they don't shave. Howard said that's how the cave man would find a woman. He said they were attracted to the smell. Howard asked Ronnie if he just fucked her. Ronnie said that's all he did. He didn't go down on her.
Ronnie said that he and his buddy would call each other and ask if they were done with the chicks yet. Then they'd run down the hall naked to the other room. Howard had to do a live commercial after that.
Howard had Sour play them back into Robin's news. Sour played a song and did some of his wacky voices. Robin got back to her news and played an Obama campaign ad where they talk about Mitt Romney's tax returns. Robin said he actually did release them on Friday.
Robin read about the NFL who are using refs who have been fired from the lingerie football league. Robin said that there have been some very questionable calls in the games since they put these new refs in the games. Howard asked Ferrall what he thought of that. Sour did his impression of Ferrall and gave his thoughts on the refs. Sour did his Mad Dog Russo impression talking about that too. He had Howard laughing at the impression. He was even arguing with himself as Russo and Ferrall.
Robin had some audio of Mitt Romney talking to some supporters. Sour did more of his Gary impression talking about how Mitt Romney and Pat O'Brien sound alike. Howard said Sour isn't even embarrassed that he has a load in his pants right now. Sour said he's really not.
Robin read about Chuck Norris and what he's been up to lately. Howard wondered why he doesn't come on the show anymore. Robin said it's because he became an evangelical, that's why.
Robin read about how Rick Santorum is going to try and oust a judge who legalized gay marriage in Iowa. Robin had some audio of Santorum talking about that. Howard said he should shut up already. He said he's a fuck ass. He said he's so on fire over gay people getting equal rights. Sour did his Tracy Millman impression and called him a douche.
Robin read about a bacon shortage and how the pig farmers aren't sure when it'll end. Sour started playing his keyboard again and Howard had to ask him to stop. He said it's too much of him now. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about the bacon shortage and why it exists.
Robin read about someone dying on the set of the Lone Ranger movie that's being shot.
Robin said that Fiona Apple was arrested a few weeks ago. She had some audio of one of her songs. That led to Sour Shoes doing his Gary impression and asking if that sounded like a couple of other songs. Howard said Sour is out of steam now. Robin said that Fiona Apple is saying that there were some things that went on with the police in that arrest. Howard said cell phone recordings suck. He did an impression of what that clip sounded like and you could barely hear him with the echo on his voice. Robin said that Fiona claims that there were four people who did things wrong to her but she hasn't said what those things were. She had marijuana and hashish on her tour bus when she was busted. Robin wrapped up and Howard thanked Sour for showing up today. He asked if the load is wet and sticky. Sour said it was still moist. Howard had him stand up to show the stain. It was still there and it was pretty big.
Sour said he's going to be signing copies of a coloring book at a couple of places. You can get the coloring book at Sourshoes.biz. Howard ended the show around 10:20am.
Jon said his Gary isn't perfect but he captures word for word what Gary says. He said that's pretty incredible. Steve said it really is. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jason said that Gary is the head producer but it can be hard to get a word in during the breaks. He said sometimes you have to be aggressive about it. Gary said he got mad at JD the other day because he didn't tell him what he had. He said he has to give him the information so he can get to it.
Jon said that they learned some stuff about Lisa today. She has a book in the works and she got Sour off. Jon congratulated her on the book deal. Lisa thanked him for that. Lisa said she had an idea for a book so she called a publisher and told her what that was. Lisa said the book will be out after Memorial day 2013.
Lisa said she felt that it was appropriate for her to walk over to Sour Shoes because she had a feeling that something could happen. Gary asked Lisa how long it's been since she made someone do that in any way. Lisa said it's not as long as everyone thinks. Gary said he's happy for her then. Lisa said she has done it since she's been there at Sirius. She said she doesn't sit home knitting.
Jon asked Jon Leiberman what he was thinking. Leiberman said he was wondering how long it's really been. Jason asked if she's doing booty calls. Lisa said that's crazy. Leiberman asked if she will tell stories in the book that she hasn't told anyone there. Lisa said she will. She said the book is ''Sex, Lies and Cookies.'' Gary thought the title was longer than that. Lisa said it's not. Leiberman had a longer lie but it was a description of the book.
Jon asked what kind of stories she might have in the book. Lisa said ''spanking'' and that's all she's going to say. Jon wanted to know more but Lisa said she's not talking about it.
Jon asked Lisa if she could tell that Sour Shoes was getting excited when she walked over to him. Lisa said she knew that he was aroused before she even went over. She said she knew he had a crush on her and she wouldn't have to do much. Jon asked if she had second thoughts about doing it. Lisa said she thought it would be okay. She said she was reading Howard's face and she knew it wouldn't be so bad.
Jon asked Sour if he thought he was going to last as long as he did. Sour said he knew it was going to be fast. Jon said he thinks there's some chemistry there. Gary said he thinks that Lisa finds him sweet. Jason said he heard Lisa describe someone she would date and she doesn't want someone she has to take care of. Lisa said he's 33 but he has a ''mitt and glove'' and he turns 5 years old again.
Leiberman said that Sour has a room in the attic and he was up there talking to him one day and Sour was talking about Lisa like he was in love with her. Lisa asked Sour if he wants to get married. Sour said he does.
Jon asked Sour what voice he loves doing the most. Sour said he loves the Gary voice the best. Gary said he loves Sour and the voices he does. Sour did some of that impression. Jason had him cut him off like he was cutting off his wife. Jason said it really is discouraging and that's the way it goes. Gary warned Jason not to piss off the one person in the office that still likes him. Jason just laughed.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he liked the Sour Shoes stuff today. Sour said he thinks that he may have been on too much today. He said he may listen back today and think that it was too much.
Jon said that Sour has so many little nuances in his impressions and people don't even realize it. Gary said Sour will call up as many different people and he'll use names from the 60s and 70s. He said Keith Emerson from Emerson Lake and Palmer called the other day and the first thing he thought was that it was Sour Shoes. That's the kind of people Sour will call up as.
Gary said he gets the feeling that Sour's parents are worried for his future. He said they were hoping that Sour might get a job from this appearance today. Ronnie asked if his parents worry about him when he goes out in that car. Sour said they probably do. Gary asked if he has a cell phone. Sour said he had one. He doesn't have his own but he has one that he can use when he works for Autism Speaks. They had to take another break after that.
Jason said maybe Ronnie was testy and Will was testy and they got on each other's nerves. Ronnie said that it happened and they just said their ''fuck yous'' to each other and kept going. They didn't get into a big fight about it.
Benjy said there are a couple of things going on there. He said that Will was claiming that it has to do with the block party but Ronnie always acts like that. He said he's surprised that Will reacted the way he did.
Gary said the thing that he cares about is that Will didn't get the information that he needed. Jason said he should be mad at Ronnie then.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Jason if he is worried about getting along with people in an office at another job. He said he seems to antagonize people a lot there. Jason said he's not worried. He said he gets along with a vast majority of his co-workers. He said he feels more secure in his position there than ever before. He said you only hear the negative stuff on the air. He said it's not the first time he and JD have butted heads.
Gary said that the guys in the office knew that it wasn't new but he didn't know that himself. Jason said JD doesn't like him and it's been a long time coming for him to realize that. He said it's gotten to the point that he just doesn't like him. He said Shuli and Ronnie have no problem with what he said about the block party but JD has a problem with it because he doesn't like him.
JD said he has nothing to say. He said it's an uphill battle fighting with Jason because he can't state his points so clear all the time. He said Jason is smarter than him and he's able to verbalize it better. JD said he may have spouted a bit too much yesterday. Gary asked if he likes Jason. JD said he likes him more outside of the office than inside the office. Gary asked if Jason is right that he doesn't like him. JD said at times like this he tends to hate everything about him. He said he likes Jason when he's not involved with him and trying to fuck him over.
Gary asked what's different about Jason breaking his balls. JD said it's more about the way he went to the news with the story instead of talking to him about it. Gary said it seems like they're not really friends. JD said they don't hang out a lot. Jason said he doesn't think they're friends. He said he likes JD but there's nothing really friendly that happens between them.
Gary asked if they ever call each other to hang out. Jason said he used to call JD to go out. JD said he doesn't really go out with anyone.
Jon said it seems like everyone has gotten into a tiff with Jason about something at some time. He said Jason can cut people apart on the air in seconds though. He said he's good at that. Jon said Jason also relishes in people getting pissed off. He wants to see people get pissed off. JD said after they were on air today he went over to Howard TV and talked to them. Jason said the cameras came to him, he didn't go to them. JD said Jason was talking about how he's an air whore and he was just trying to irk him. That led to Benjy and Jason arguing about an air whore comment they had between each other. Jason told Benjy to show up to work on time and have that conversation another time. They had to end the show while Jason and Benjy were still going at it. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about the long day he had yesterday. He said they had multiple meetings after the show because the show is so difficult to put together. Howard said he runs a tight ship around there. Howard said he got home after the meetings and then he had a meeting about his iPhone and his new operating system Mountain Lion. Howard said they're making the desktop OS more like the portable stuff. Howard said he was all cranky when he got home. He said he was angry and irritable and Beth had sex with him to calm him down. He said it was weird because he was all calm and not headachy. He said he was backed up and didn't even know it.
Robin said he's like Sour Shoes. Howard said that was a crazy show yesterday. Robin said she read up on Sour Shoes yesterday. Robin said he's the little boy she read about with the baseball. Robin said that isn't the same boy but it's a similar incident. Howard said that it is similar but he knows way more about Sour Shoes. Robin said she was perplexed. Howard said Sour was hit in the head with a baseball and he was in the hospital for a few days. Howard said someone said that the story was a plant but she really doesn't want to know the whole story there. Howard said Lisa G has to know that she can't get every guy off like that. He said life would be a lot simpler if it was.
Howard said the Harry Potter books just printed 2 million more books. Howard said the woman who wrote the books, JK Rowling, has written a sexy book. Howard said that people like her writing style. Robin said there were tons of pre-sales with the Harry Potter books. Howard said he didn't know if they did that with these.
Howard said that country we hate blocked Google and YouTube because of that movie they had on YouTube. Howard said that those assholes can still watch people being stoned to death but they can't watch YouTube. Howard said they still do shit like that over there. Howard said they treat their women like that over there. Howard said they get angry at the women for getting raped and stone them to death.
Howard said he read that Bradley Cooper was back with Zoe Saldana. Howard said they broke up but got back together. Howard said that always makes him feel better when a good looking actor gets back with some hot chick.
Howard said that Chris Brown was back in the news too. He failed a drug test. That led to Shuli telling Howard and Robin about how he failed a drug test at the casino he worked at in Las Vegas when he lived there. Shuli said he had a guy who was caught throwing chips in when he saw his cards. He said the pit boss saw him cheating. He said they came and caught the guy and took him downstairs. He said he ended up having a random drug test done on him. He said that they took hair from his head and that goes way further back. Howard said he's bald though. Shuli said he had some hair back then. Shuli said he had a buddy who thought they could pass by bleaching their hair. He said they had the girl do that and he ended up with eggplant color hair. He said he went to the clinic and the woman couldn't take her eyes off his hair. Shuli said she took hair off his arm instead of taking it off his head. He said he got fired and he was walking around with purple hair.
Howard asked Shuli about the training for dealers out there. Shuli said you have to go to school for blackjack and then you go into a breaking house where you learn to deal. Howard said he would be terrible at math. Howard said he'd have to do the math and tell everyone to calm down while he did it. Shuli said he was really nervous but not that bad at math. Shuli said they hired him and told him he started on a Tuesday. He said that's when he realized they'd hire anyone.
Howard asked what he got paid to be a dealer. Shuli said you live off the tips. He said you don't get a salary. Howard said he thought they paid pretty well. Howard said he tips the dealers but if he wasn't himself he's not sure he'd tip. Howard said everyone loses money. Shuli said that they pool the tips from every table. Shuli said he made $155 in tips for one day worth of work on Super Bowl Sunday. He said that at another casino they made $500 each. He said it depends on the casino. He said that there are people who will never leave those jobs. He said the base salary is right around minimum wage. Howard said he doesn't get why they split up the tips like that. He said the whole system is dirty.
Howard asked Shuli what drugs showed up in his drug test. Shuli said he smoked weed and that lasts the longest in your system. He said he had to explain to his parents why he got fired too.
Howard said he doesn't know who looks up to Chris Brown. He said that the judge said something about that in the case. He said he must be Judge Michael Vick.
Ronnie came in and said that Spanish girls love that shit. He said they love eating ass and they love having it eaten. Fred, as Ronnie, said ''I'm Bi-Anal!''
Howard said Ronnie's voice is shot and he has some audio showing why. He had a clip where Ronnie was screaming on stage. He was telling people to get up stage and he was yelling at the top of his lungs. Howard said Ronnie is so low rent. He asked how he says ''here'' because it sounds funny. Ronnie didn't know how he said it.
Ronnie said that girls can have anal orgasms. Howard asked Robin if that's true and if she had one. Robin just laughed. Robin said it can feel pretty good. Ronnie said Robin knows. Howard asked Ronnie how he knows. Ronnie said it happened.
Howard said Ronnie comes back from those block party shows and his voice is shot. He said Ronnie told JD that he has to yell at everyone if he wants to be funny. Howard played more audio of Ronnie talking about his dog licking some girl's ass. Shuli said sometimes he wonders why people buy tickets to this show. Howard said they had a lot of famous people there. Shuli said they were thanking them for showing up and putting this catastrophe on stage.
Howard asked if people think their show is good. Howard said he thought they were laughing at him but maybe they're laughing with them. Ronnie said everyone loves the show. Howard said they keep flocking to the shows even though they sound awful. Shuli said they do have a train wreck element to them. He said the fans love to see them though so it's all of that.
Howard had a clip from Richard's Inside the Porn Actors Studio show where he asked Hillary Scott about anal and she said she has orgasms from that. Howard said he has a hard enough time giving a regular orgasm. He said he's thrilled when a woman tells him she had an orgasm.
Shuli said he likes how Ronnie comes back 24 hours later with the anal information. Ronnie said he thought about it yesterday but Howard was off the subject already.
Howard said that Rob Corddry gave Ronnie a big intro at the block party in Los Angeles. He had a clip of that to play. Howard said Rob knows the show from what he hears in this clip. Rob mentioned JD Harmeyer and how he's a natural. Rob said he didn't give one ''whatever'' in the whole paragraph. Rob introduced himself as Rob the Actor and mentioned that he was on a show called Adult Swim. Rob said it was his honor to introduce a man who has everything. He said he has the respect of the security community, he has grey facial hair and he's not afraid to dye it. He said he doesn't care what you think, dude. He said he has at least 3 feet on Eric the Actor and he has a hatred for Jon Leiberman. Rob said he has a truck for when it snows and a bus to throw people under and he may or may not have a purple pace car. Rob said he likes talking to girls and talking to guys. He said Ronnie has a clock and he will fucking stop it whenever he wants. Rob said the most important thing is that he has a party and he's bringing it to our block. Rob said he has everything except a sense of humor about himself and Howard's respect.
Gary told Howard that Rob wrote a bio for his character in Hot Tub Time Machine and he wrote that he has the third most popular Howard Stern tribute site. That's what he put in his fake bio about his character.
Howard said that was a lot of fun. Howard said that's why Ronnie has no voice. Howard played the ''Hey Dude Eat My Ass Out'' song parody again.
Howard took a call from Ass Napkin Ed who said that Ronnie isn't acting normal these days. Howard said this is coming from Ass Napkin Ed. Ed said that Ronnie needs to be checked by someone. Howard asked how he's acting. Ed said he screams like a crazy person and he gets drunk all the time. Shuli said Ed does the same things at the block party. Ronnie said Ed got thrown out of one of the shows because of that.
Howard said Ed gets thrown out of AGT too. Howard said he had to go so Ed threw in an ''819'' mention. Howard said ''whatever that means.''
Howard said yesterday's show was so wild with Lisa G and Sour Shoes. Howard read that she made Ralph Howard and High Pitch Mike cum by just rubbing up against them. She has that super power. Howard said he's afraid to go near her because he doesn't want to be Sour Jeans.
Howard said he wants to talk more about Chris Brown. Howard said he was glad to see that he was smoking weed and not beating up girls or breaking a green room window. Howard said if he was the judge he'd tell him to keep doing that and don't beat up girls. Howard said maybe that will keep him calm. Robin said that could help keep him from beating up girls.
Howard said he read that Lindsay Lohan was in the hospital for having a pain in her lungs. He said she claims it was caused by her latest accident.
Howard said that there is a lot of traffic in the city because of this U.N. thing that's going on. He said that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in the city and he seems to be the only one who can pronounce his name.
Howard said he's been watching Dancing with the Stars and Bristol Palin is on the show. Howard said he doesn't like her mother's politics but she's a pretty good dancer. Howard said he was also watching The Voice. Howard said that's why his TiVo thinks he's a girl. Howard said that Kelly Monaco has a great body. He said that his load hit the ceiling when he saw her. He said she has the same effect on him that Lisa G did with Sour Shoes.
Howard said he's still fascinated by that guy who jumped into the tiger cage at the zoo. Howard said the only time he's wanted to jump in one is when he's stuck in the hall talking to Scott the Engineer. Howard did his Scott impression and goofed on him for a second.
Howard said he thinks that the Palin's are trying to have a retarded dynasty. He said that the other great thing in the news is this Arnold Schwarzenegger book. Howard said that this maid is on to something. Howard spent a minute talking about that.
Howard talked about his new iPhone and how he's been playing with some of the new features. He said he tried the panorama photo thing. He said that's pretty cool. He said now everything is nicely tied together. He said you can see the person on your iPhone when you talk to them. He said that YouTube stuff is faster now that he's on 4G.
Howard said he would like to see those jobs in America too. Robin said that we wouldn't work under those conditions though.
Howard said he got the link to Gary's new Nerdist show ''They Call Me Baba Booey.'' Howard said he was watching it in his car. He said that it streamed perfectly but the show is so awful that he only lasted a minute. Howard said he wants to be constructive with the complaints. Howard said Gary should know how to broadcast after working for him so long.
Howard said Gary is into gadgets and he's always talking about Sonos. Howard said Gary is kind of interesting when he talks but when he reads he's horrible. Howard said Gary could get up there and just talk instead of reading his stuff. Howard said it's mind numbing when he reads. Howard said he had to turn it off.
Howard said when Gary reads he appears to not read and he lifts his chin and points it to the sky. He said he should just look into the monitor. He said it's just one horrible thing after another. Howard said he wanted to hang himself after watching it.
Howard said when Gary talks about these gadgets he's an interesting guy. He said he has to stop reading. Howard asked why he's not talking. Gary said he tried doing it the other way and he said ''Uh'' a lot. Howard said it's just the internet and he doesn't have to do things like that. Howard said he could pretend he's with a friend. Gary said he doesn't disagree with him about that. Howard said it's the worst show he's ever seen. Gary said he only watched one minute out of 5. Howard said he hated it. Gary said that if he only watched AGT for one minute and said he was the worst then he'd be upset. Howard said he's a professional and he knows how to do it. Howard said he's just trying to teach Gary. Howard said he was terrific on AGT. Gary said he didn't say he was bad. He was trying to make a point.
Howard asked if everyone wanted to turn off their radios. He said he'd play a clip from Gary's show. Shuli said that they should call the show ''They Call Me Horrible.''
Howard said that Gary isn't Gary in that show. He said he should do one where he's just showing people cool stuff. Gary said the next episode is kind of like that. Howard said Gary could just show people how to use something. Howard said he loves that Gary is the gadget guy but he uses post-it notes to keep track of things and he types with two fingers. Howard did his impression of Gary typing and telling him about Sonos.
Howard TV showed a picture of Gary with his head in the air so the guys were goofing on him about that. Shuli laughed when he saw it. Howard said he looks like an accident victim with ah halo on his head. Howard said he looks like he's sniffing for gazelles.
Howard said that if Gary stops reading he might start watching the show again. Howard said they should take those shows down because they turn people off to watching more. Howard said Sal had his Gary mask on out there with post-it notes all over his face.
Howard played a clip of Gary reading his opening for the show. Howard said he watches this guy called The Nikon Guy who does an internet show. Howard said he does it naturally and he's just talking to you. He said he's not reading off a teleprompter. Howard said that's what Gary should be doing. Robin said Gary read that opening so fast. Howard said that's what he was talking about. Howard said he just blasts through it too fast. Howard said he has no idea what he's going to talk about.
Howard said you can hear those teeth and lips clacking. Howard said it's worse than JD and Jason going at it. Howard said those lips and teeth. Howard played another clip of Gary talking about people not buying CDs anymore. Gary said they skipped the part where he talks about Sonos.
Howard asked JD to put the whole show up so they can listen to the whole thing in order. JD told Howard that the first clip is Sonos. Howard said he didn't know that. He went back to the first clip and replayed the opening. Gary talks about this Sonos thing and Howard was sighing like it was the worst thing ever. Howard and Fred were doing their Gary impressions complaining about how much detail he was getting into.
Howard said he was watching this on his iPhone and it was streaming perfectly. He said he doesn't need 4G if he's watching shit like this.
Howard said it's no wonder Gary's wife Mary is shell shocked. Howard said she must have to watch all of this shit. Howard said he was wishing for a slow internet connection with this. Howard said if it wasn't Gary he wouldn't be watching anymore. Robin said she'd stick with it a little longer. Howard played more of the clip and complained about Gary's reading. He said that it's like a kid getting up in class and reading from a text book. Howard said he feels like Gary is reading about Sonos from a text book.
Howard said Gary is trying to be like these other shows on the internet with hot chicks as eye candy. Howard said there is no eye candy there. Howard said that there were 8,000 views of this show and that's because he was so fascinated that he watched it 8,000 times. Howard said he'd like to know if everyone watched it all the way through.
Howard, Shuli and Fred were all doing impressions of Gary reading his lines. Howard said he would have tuned out by this point. Robin said she had no idea what he was even talking about. Gary said that he was playing 3 words at a time, that's why she doesn't know.
Howard said he's going to shut up now and let it play through the rest of the minute and 40 seconds. Howard played the clip and stopped it when Gary said something about ''the sub'' when referring to the sub woofer. Howard said it's impossible to get through this without sleeping. Gary said he wrote all of this stuff himself. Howard said he should just talk. Gary said he gets that.
Gary was trying to explain why he does things this way. Howard said he was getting a headache. Howard said Ambien is suing Gary over this show because they had cornered the market on putting people to sleep. Howard played more of Gary rambling in his show. Howard said that no one gets this far in the show.
Howard said you can't pay someone enough to sit there and tape Baba Booey's show. Howard said that some guy has to sit there and tape him. Howard said he heard that Gary thinks that Robin is mad at him and that's why she's insulting him today. Gary said that's not true. Howard said someone put a note up about it. Howard said he would be so mad at himself for putting up such a shitty show on the web. Howard said he wouldn't be able to sleep at night.
Gary said he is aware of what Howard is saying but the show has to go on. Howard asked if they pay him to do that. Gary said they do and they pay pretty well too. Gary said they seem to be fairly happy with it. Howard said he'd be upset with him about it. Gary said that the company is a good company. He said they do very well. Howard said this is kind of promotion for them talking about how shitty the show is. Howard said people will go on and see Gary with his chin in the air.
Howard played more of Gary's audio and he mentioned the interface of the Sonos system. Robin asked why he was talking about that. Gary said he's talking about the system. Howard said he could make it a little easier to understand. Howard wondered why everything is Sonos with Gary. Gary said the system has been around for a while and they just came out with a new device.
Gary said next week he's going to be talking about the new version of the running watch he uses. Howard said he threw his out because it doesn't work. Gary said it works for him. Howard said it worked for a couple of days for him but it doesn't work for him now. Gary said Richard is wearing one now and it works for him every day. Howard said Richard is an asshole. Gary said he likes how when something doesn't work for Howard it's a piece of shit. Howard said it just didn't work for him. He said he's done with this.
Howard said that Gary is standing there staring with his chin up in the air in this show. Howard said he has no delivery and no eye contact with the audience. Howard played more of the audio and continued to goof on him. Howard told Gary to just be Gary and pretend that he's just talking. Howard said he likes talking Gary instead of reading Gary.
Howard said the show is horrible but it can only get better from here. Howard said he's not hurting Gary, he's helping him. Howard said he took some of his valuable time to help Gary and he'd like an apology from him for getting upset. Gary said he's so fucking sorry. Howard said he accepts that apology. Howard asked what Mary said about it. Gary said to her she saw that he was reading. Gary said that the first episode was the worst. Gary said he wore a shirt and he had one button too many open. He said he looked like a mess. He said it was awful. Howard said he thought this was the first one. Gary said that was the fourth show. Howard said he has to hear the first show.
Howard told JD to get him that one. Gary said you have to watch that one. He said you need to see him with his shirt open.
Howard and the guys goofed on Gary about why he didn't realize he had one button too many open. Howard said there must not have been a mirror available.
The caller asked if Robin is still doing the show from home. Howard said she is still at home. Howard said she's had it with the job and she has one foot out the door. Howard said Robin is in Israel for Yom Kippur. Howard said Robin is like Lisa G and you'll cum in your pants if she touches anyone. Robin said this is not the new norm. the caller said that there is a different dynamic. Howard said that they have acknowledge it.
Gary said last night on Howard TV they showed him telling High Pitch Eric that Robin wasn't in there. They don't talk about it during interviews because they don't want to slow the show down. Gary said there's a conspiracy theory going on out there about Robin not being there. Howard said people think they're so smart that they could do that. Howard said they're not that fucking bright. Howard said they're just doing a show the best they can.
The caller said the show has changed and Howard is doing more commercials than he ever has. Howard said he has to clump them because he goes so long. Gary said they take 3 breaks per show now when they used to take 3 breaks per hour. The caller said the show has changed. Howard said that's fine and he can cancel his subscription if he doesn't like it. The caller said that's really not a great way to approach it. Howard said he doesn't know what else to tell him. The caller said that he's shifting loyalties. He said that his loyalties have gone to AGT. Howard said he hates this guy and begged him to cancel his subscription. The caller, Ken, said Howard is taking this too seriously. Howard played a ''Fuck You'' song to Ken. Ken said Howard is taking this too seriously and he's very thin skinned. Howard said he is very annoying and if he changes maybe he won't be so thin skinned. Howard said he's playing radio host to an annoying caller. Howard muted Ken and played the song over him. Howard eventually hung up on Ken. Howard said he just went an hour and 15 minutes with no commercials. Howard said they do have commercials to deal with and now he has to play catch up. that's why he does commercial during the news. It's not a conspiracy. He said he's all crabby again and he needs Beth to finish him off to calm him down. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Pam Anderson is on Dancing with the Stars and she apparently asked for a Coconut water that comes from Australia. Robin said that might be why they voted her off.
Howard said Pam makes a lot of faces on that show. He said Britney Spears makes really odd faces on X-Factor and they're really fucked up. Howard said one guy came out saying he was a huge fan of her's and Britney kept tweaking her nose and making weird faces. Howard said the guy was being nice to her. He said that she was being obnoxious. Howard said she lost custody of her kids to Kevin Federline who is a mess himself. Howard said that chick is odd.
Howard said he's going to decide this week if he's going back to America's Got Talent. Howard said he will decide tomorrow. Howard said he'd like to know who the other judge is going to be. He said he hopes it's not someone who would be late all the time. Howard said he won't put up with someone showing up late. Howard said he doesn't want to have to walk off the show but he will do that if the person shows up late.
Howard said he is already angry about it and no one has even done anything yet. Howard said this is why he can't sign up yet. He said he has too many unknowns. Howard said he's not sure if they're going to bring the show to New York City like they claimed they were going to.
Howard said he thinks they should fly the contestants all in to audition for them. He said that way they don't have to fly all over the country. Howard said that would be cheaper than flying the entire production to every city.
Howard said he thinks that Nick shouldn't go to every judge either. He said he could just give his opinion and cut everyone else short. Shuli said that's what the fans want anyway.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that Debbie was on the floor causing a scene and the security guys were trying to throw her out of the building. Doug said that Gary is down there right now. Howard TV put up the video feed and showed what she was doing down there. Debbie was screaming and Jon Leiberman was down there trying to get an interview. Howard said Debbie has a rat on her shoulder and he's not sure he wants a rat up there. Debbie was screaming at Jon and Howard said maybe he should have her up there. Howard said Leiberman is good at listening to what she has to say.
Will Murray said that Debbie had Crazy Alice call in and ask Tim if he'd be willing to help her with her pet and then Tim says yes and Debbie freaked out because they won't help her out with her pet.
Ronnie said they won't let her into the building with the rat. He said that he could try to work around that. Howard said it's amazing that she has a rat that won't run away.
Gary said he's used to that kind of screaming and yelling because of his mom. He said Debbie feels that Alice fucked her over and they're all out to get her. Howard said she's laying on the ground now. Howard said she was doing something with her vagina. Jon Leiberman was asking her to put the rat away and asking if she wanted to be on the show or not. Debbie was screaming and saying she was sick. She said she didn't want to make a scene. Howard said he's had enough of that.
Howard asked Gary what he thinks. Gary said he thinks she should come up. He said they can tell her to just leave when he gets sick of her. Howard asked Ronnie what he thinks they should do. Ronnie said that he's going to have to do some talking to get her up there. He said they have to decide so he can go down there and talk to them.
Howard said they have to be nuts to rent space to The Howard Stern Show. Gary said they have been pretty good tenants compared to the old place. Howard said he's not sure what he wants to do.
Fred was all for bringing her up. Gary was too. Robin said yes and Shuli said that you never say no to crazy. Howard said he knows Benjy is a yes. Benjy said it will be entertaining. Howard said sometimes it's not. Ronnie said he's on his way down now.
Howard and Benjy got into an argument but Howard wondered why he was talking to him at all. Howard said Debbie just smashed her phone on the ground. Gary said it's like a $20 phone. Howard said that they all voted yes so they'll have her up there. Gary said it could be another 15 minutes or they could say no. Howard said they'll see what happens.
Howard took a call from Ass Napkin Ed who told him not to have her up there. Howard said that's one ''no'' vote. Howard said it's a weird premise to blame him for the bird being sick. Howard asked Gary if his mom would be like that. Gary said no. He said that Howard has become Debbie's care taker and he's the only one paying attention to her and being nice to her.
Ed said that he knows Debbie is a phony. He said they pulled that scam on Howard once and Debbie tried to be part of that. Howard said he'll let Ed talk to her when she gets up there.
Shuli said that Debbie is the real deal. He said he had her on the phone once when she didn't realize she hadn't hung up all the way. He said he heard her and that is no act.
Howard took a call from Wheels who asked if they think Sour Shoes could cum every 20 minutes. Howard said he's not sure about that. Gary said that Tiny Tim was the only other guy that has done something like that. He said that he came when he got a rub down once.
Wheels asked if the Wrap Up Show has a time limit. Howard said it does but he's not sure why. Gary said yesterday they had a good fight starting on the show and they had to end the show. Howard said they should just go long if they have something good happening.
wheels brought up the iPhone and how it's been out since 2007 but they're already on iPhone 5. Howard said he doesn't care. He said he likes the phone. He said he got one for Beth but she really didn't seem to care that much about it. Howard said he wanted to show her how to use the texting feature on her computer. He said that he doesn't always have his phone with him. Robin found that to be odd. Howard said he likes typing on his computer instead of his phone. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard had Debbie the Pet Lady come in and Fred played her in with ''Crazy Train.'' Howard said that Debbie the Pet Lady is there... She started screaming at Shuli for not taking her calls for two days. Debbie said she came there for one reason. She said she has a sick bird and she's trying to get some help to fix the bird. She said that they gave her money and she spent it on the bird and she wouldn't have gotten it if they didn't give her the money. Robin said she begged for the money. Debbie asked where the fuck Robin was. Debbie said she wanted to be treated like everyone else. Howard said he won't give her anymore money and then they'll have no problems.
Debbie said she isn't mad at Howard so much. She said she knows Howard doesn't like her so much. She said she was mad at Tim. Howard asked if she wanted Lisa G to touch her shoulder and make her cum. Debbie was all over the place so Howard asked what was wrong with her hand. She smashed it and had a cast on it.
Howard asked Debbie what she wants. Debbie smashed her hand while she was trying to make a point about why her hair was a mess like it was.
Howard got Ass Napkin Ed on the line and Debbie screamed at him so he couldn't get a word in. Howard hung up on Ed almost immediately.
Howard said he knows Debbie is having a tough time. Debbie was yelling and complaining about this bird she got. Howard said he never told her to get a bird. Debbie said she got one because her mother killed one. She said her mother made her go on a holiday vacation and she kept them away too long. She said that the bird was sick and dying by the time she got home. The guys were laughing as she told the story. She screamed at them for laughing at her.
Debbie said that Tim was going to help Crazy Alice out with her sick pet. She said she wanted help and Tim wouldn't help her. Howard said she should take it back to the pet store. Debbie said she didn't get it from a pet store. She said she can't find the person she got it from. Debbie said they're just going to let the thing die. Howard said he is out of this. Debbie was screaming and saying she wasn't going to leave. Shuli said he can't wait to see Ronnie drag her out of there. Ronnie had to drag her out of the studio. Howard said this was a disaster. Howard said Robin made him bring her in. Debbie was still in the studio so Howard asked what she was screaming about. She was going on and on about the money issue.
Shuli tried to get her to calm down but she was still yelling. Shuli said he wanted that rat if he gives her $250. Shuli said all he's done is try to help her too. Howard told her to go lay down in Tim's office. Debbie said that's fine. Shuli asked why she came up there to shake people down. Debbie told him to tell them the truth about the money he owes her.
Howard told Debbie to calm down. He said that he wasn't the one who let her up there either. He blamed Robin. Debbie asked how much Shuli pays the rest of the guys on the show. She said that she heard that they pay people $8,000. She was freaking out yelling at the top of her lungs. She said she only got $3,000. Shuli said that some wack packers get more than others.
Howard said this whole thing is ridiculous. Debbie had gotten $3,000 and she spent the money on a pool, a nice TV and more. She said she wanted more money for the bird. Howard said she's treating him like a shit head and he can't give her anymore money. Debbie said she'll make him a deal.
Howard asked how much they've paid the wack packers. Shuli said they paid one wack packer $500. He said that's the most they paid. Debbie started yelling again so Shuli tried yelling back but it wasn't helping so Howard told Debbie to go calm down.
Howard ended up giving her $250 since she was complaining so much. Robin asked why he was doing that. Shuli said that she'll be shitting all over him by the end of the day today. Howard said he's going to do it anyway just to shut her up. Robin said she did nothing responsible with her $3,000. Howard said the bird is a goner. Shuli asked what's wrong with the bird. Debbie yelled at him and called him a stupid fuck. Debbie said that they think that they're a fucking act and they're not an act.
Howard asked why they brought her in there. Howard blamed Robin. Howard said his vote is to give her the money. Robin said her vote is a no. Fred said if they all vote to give money to her he's going to kick in $100. He said that he feels responsible for her being up there. Howard asked Benjy what his vote was. Benjy said yes. Howard asked if he feels bad for her. Benjy said he feels bad for her. Howard told Debbie she has to be quiet during this vote. Shuli gave a vote of yes just to see how much shit she'll talk in 4 hours from now. Will said that she could just get another bird. He gave her a vote of no. Ronnie said he feels horrible. He said he's not even sure she has a bird. Debbie said she does. Ronnie gave her a yes vote. Howard told her to never ask him for money again. Debbie said she'll pay him back. Howard said she doesn't have to do that. He said that he knows she won't and she's just like all of the other leaches out there.
Howard told Ronnie to take the $250 and get her out of the studio. He said you lead her out with the money on a string. Howard said this was $250 and told her to stop bad mouthing him for an hour. He told her she doesn't have to pay him back.
Howard said that she'll get the money if she leaves right now. Debbie started screaming about how they were all fuck faces and mooned them as she left. Robin said that was worth it. Howard said Jon Leiberman is going to follow her to the vet to see what she does with the money.
Shuli said that shows that Howard needs a different security guy. She almost beat the shit out of Ronnie and Will.
Howard said he thinks that was a bad idea. He said he was so glad to get her off the air it was worth paying her. He said Ronnie didn't look capable of getting her out of there. Howard said when she laid down he figured Ronnie wouldn't get her out of there. He said he had to give her the money to get her out. He said he bought into that bird story and there may not even be a bird. Robin said she did nothing with that $3,000 she won. Robin told her not to give her money ever again. Howard said Robin is sitting at home and he's stuck in that studio with Debbie the Pet Lady.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Debbie was just screaming about how she needed the money to get home. She said that she didn't even need it for the bird. Howard said he will end up owing her thousands when she goes out and spends that money. Howard said he's not going to take votes on that kind of stuff anymore. He said that's her last visit. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Tim Sabean met the Prudence from that song. He said that it's actually Mia Farrow's sister and he had lunch with her somehow. Shuli said he thought Tim didn't take lunch. Howard said that's what he thought too. Howard said he thinks she needed money for her bird.
Howard asked why the music was so low. He asked if it was his equipment. Howard said it's coming through the headphones weird. Fred said they did a faux stereo back then. Howard said that's because of George Martin and his production. He said that George Martin thinks he was the 5th Beatle but he's not.
Howard said he knows there's a story behind Prudence. He said McCartney told the story somewhere, it may have been there, about how the song came about. Howard said she finally came out to play and ended up having lunch with Tim Sabean.
Howard said Wolfie is there so he had him come in. Howard said Wolfie goes out and does interviews for them and he wants to pitch a bit idea. Howard said Wolfie contacts then and ends up going out to do interviews for them. Howard said he contacted Gary about going to this San Francisco thing. He said he begged to go out there and they have fetishes and stuff. Howard said Wolfie was so sorry he went. Howard said Wolfie was sickened by the whole thing.
Wolfie said it was 400,000 naked gay guys packed into a couple block space. He said he couldn't move through the crowd. He said guys were stroking their dongs in the crowd. He said one guy had a padlock in his penis and it was just dangling there. He said guys were being beaten with whips and blood was streaking down their backs. He said it was so intense he had to get out of there.
Howard said that sounds crazy and he's not sure if he could handle that. Wolfie said the smell was bad too. He said it was really rough. He said it was outside too. He said it was like Mardi Gras but it was just dudes playing with themselves out there. Howard said this is called the Folsom Street Fair.
Howard said he had some of Wolfie's interviews. He said some guys call themselves pups. Wolfie said they have guys who get walked around like dogs. Their doms are the ones with the leashes. Howard said he thinks that Wolfie has PTSD after all of this.
In one interview Wolfie asked the guy if he's impressed with guys who can shoot ropes. The guy said that he is and he likes to see guy swallowing loads and stuff. Wolfie asked how big the largest penis was that he saw. The guy said he had a 12 incher and he had to get high before taking it. Howard said these guys are so casual about this. He said that's the most shocking thing.
Wolfie asked one guy if he'd be okay with Jerry Sandusky visiting the fair. The guy said it's open to anyone and ''whatever.'' Wolfie said that was a common thought among the people there.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie asking a guy what he was dressed up like. He was dressed up like a panther. Wolfie said he had a full sized panther head on. He said he asked the guy to take the hood off and then he had a latex bag on underneath that. He said he had no idea why he had that on.
Howard did his impression of the guy in his mask. He played more of the clip and the guy was very hard to understand with the mask on.
Wolfie said many of these guys would smack him on the ass with a whip when he'd finish the interview. Howard did an impression of the guy in the mask doing Gary's Nerdist show. He had him talking about Sonos and stuff like that.
Howard played another interview Wolfie did with a guy and there was thumping music playing in the background. Wolfie said that this guy was selling adult DVDs and he thinks that if Howard saw them he'd throw up. The guy said they were popular titles and rattled off a few. Howard said he wishes they wouldn't talk so much while that music is playing back there.
Howard played a clip of Richard asking people if they think Howard looks more Jewish or Italian since he's half and half. The guys they were asking were all saying that he looks Jewish. Sal and Richard were at the San Gennaro festival. Howard said that Sal fits right in with these guys.
Howard got back to Wolfie's interviews and he had one with a guy who was just barking like a dog when he'd ask him questions. He was playing a pup and he did give one ''yes'' answer. Howard said this is where Wolfie started to get sick. Wolfie said it was pretty creepy. He said the master was dressed in a Nazi outfit. Howard said these guys sound a little too comfortable. He said this guy sounds like Prince Harry.
Wolfie said that guy told him that he should try it. Wolfie said if you go down that road there is no going back. Howard said he might just throw up hearing about the pup life. Howard said it's having some big dude lock you up in a cage.
Howard said he's not sure which festival he'd feel least comfortable at. This one or the San Gennaro. Howard played more audio of Wolfie asking these guys questions about where they like to finish on guys and things like that. Howard asked if the guys ever question where he's from that he can ask questions like this. Wolfie said that they could care less.
Wolfie had the guys talking about how they pee inside other guy's mouths and things like that. One guy said he's into ball stretching and he had his stretched about 4 inches once. Howard said he doesn't even like when Beth brushes her hand against his balls. Wolfie said they have a device called a ball crusher and you crank down on it. He said he'd like to see Sal and Richard do that. Howard asked if that's the idea he had to pitch. Wolfie said that's not it.
Wolfie said he's done promotion and stuff and he wanted to help the block party. He said Ronnie has a lot of moles on his arms. Howard said that's true. He said he took him to his first tattoo and the tattoo artist thought he wasn't going to be able to do anything with him because of the moles. Howard said he suggested turning the moles into shells on the beach in the tattoo.
Wolfie said he was looking at the tattoos and he was thinking that he could form constellations on his arm. Wolfie said he found the Cancer constellation on his arm. Howard asked if his bit is to connect the moles and make constellations. Wolfie said he has a market with him to mark them out. Howard said he's pretty sure Ronnie won't go for that.
Ronnie came in and Howard asked if he would allow him to draw the constellations with his moles. Ronnie asked why he would do that. Wolfie said he could sell more tickets. Ronnie said he's doing just fine. Shuli said he has the calm Ronnie voice going on now. Ronnie said he can go ahead and do his thing. He told him to do it and give it a rest.
Wolfie went over to Ronnie and started goofing on his tattoos. Ronnie asked why he didn't bring the FBI analyst with him today. Ronnie said that Wolfie has a nice friend out there and he's not sure why. He said the guy is a nice school teacher.
Howard had Wolfie do his thing. Wolfie started to draw on Ronnie and Ronnie said this is really funny. Shuli said it's funny because Ronnie hates it. Ronnie said he's doing this for the show. He said he's not doing it for Wolfie. Howard said Ronnie is supposed to hate Wolfie and not let him do it. Ronnie said he'd doing this for Howard.
Howard asked where the constellation is. Wolfie showed him and Howard said that he was pretty good. He said his moles form constellations. Wolfie said he has 3 more. He said he has the Little Dipper on the Salamander. Wolfie drew that one next. Wolfie was making jokes about Ronnie and Ronnie wasn't reacting. Wolfie said this is weird with Ronnie being so calm.
Wolfie revealed the little dipper and Howard said he thinks he proved his point. He said that's enough of the constellations. Howard said they just saw the little dipper in his arm moles.
Wolfie asked about Ronnie's pace car and if he trailers it around to race tracks. Ronnie said that's not true. He said it has never been to a track. He said he was going to trailer it to the track if he took Jon Leiberman out because he didn't want to put the miles on it. He said he does drive the car but he doesn't want to put a lot of miles on it. Ronnie said he wants to keep it nice.
Ronnie said he wanted to do it but] they have all kinds of legal things going on. He said they wanted an ambulance there with a fire truck and he can't do all of that.
Wolfie was asking why Ronnie bought the car if he doesn't want attention. Ronnie said he knows he wants to get under his skin but he's not Shuli and he's not Artie and he never will be. He said he knows Wolfie is jealous. That led to Howard playing the Ronnie's Pace Car song parody that Richard did.
Wolfie said that Ronnie reminds him of the guy who died in the bed next to his grandpa in the hospital. Howard said that was pretty funny.
Ronnie said he knows that Wolfie is dying to be there. He said he knows he does all of this to try and get on the show. Wolfie said that of course he would like to work there. Ronnie said that he didn't get anywhere with the drawings on his arm. Wolfie said he did that for Ronnie.
Howard asked Wolfie if he was done with Ronnie. Howard said Ronnie kind of screwed up his bit by letting him draw the stuff on his arm. Howard said Wolfie is right about the pace car. He said that it does scream ''Look at me.'' Ronnie said that when you buy a car like that people are going to look at you. He said it doesn't make a difference what the car is. He said he got the car in Kentucky and had a transporter pick it up.
Howard thanked Ronnie for being a good sport with the whole thing. Howard thanked Wolfie for coming in too. Howard said he's great and he likes when he comes in to talk to Ronnie.
Wolfie said he has a lot more stuff that Howard has to play. Howard said he has all of that and he'll get to it eventually. Howard said he thinks it's great that Ronnie has a car he won't drive. Howard said he bought a carpet he won't step on. Fred joked that he was going to buy a house that he won't live in either. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said Van Halen was the coolest band ever for a while. He said they just fell apart. He said they managed to keep it together for years and then everyone got nutty. He said they got nutty with Sammy Hagar and that stopped working too. Robin said that it seems to be the core group that loses their lead singer.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked about Pam Anderson on Dancing with the Stars. She didn't show up on Good Morning America this morning. Howard said he didn't see it last night but he did hear that she was disturbed when she got voted off. Robin said it appeared it was a big blow to her ego. The caller said she thinks that Pam knows she just doesn't have it anymore. Robin said she made strange faces and looked pained when the judges critiqued her. Howard said it must be tough for a hot chick getting critiqued. Shuli said it hurts when you hit the wall. Robin said she's still beautiful. Howard said he hit the wall when he was 9.
Howard said Jesse Ventura asked him to be his running mate in the next election. He said it seems to be catching on. He played a clip from MSNBC where they talked about the possible run. Howard said that woman sounded weirded out by the whole thing.
Howard said on CNN they were debating if he'd be good or not as a running mate. Howard played that clip and the panel debated about the possible run. One guy said he thinks that Ventura should run with Lindsay Lohan or Gary Busey. He said Ventura could run and he could be a real candidate but it's a joke when you say Howard Stern should be your running mate. Howard said he might as well have a joke of a running mate if he's going to run. Howard said he has to start the show later than 6 in the morning if he does win. Howard got back to the clip and another guest was saying that Jesse could get a lot of votes. She said she might go back to her country of Nicaragua if they do win.
Howard played another news clip about the story. The reporter didn't say anything negative about Howard. Howard said she knows how to be a reporter. Howard thanked her for that.
Howard said he thinks it would be fun to go around talking to reporters about the run. He said that he doesn't even know what their platform would be. Howard said he'd have to sit there like a wife and agree with his husband. Howard said he is honored that he was asked to run with him. He said Jesse has a shot at winning if he actually does run.
Howard imagined what the debate would be like and had audio clips of his dad asking him about politics when he was a kid. Howard said that was probably the warmest moment he had with his dad when he was a kid. Howard said his dad called him a moron in that clip. Howard said any moron knows that you can't stop being stupid. He said that's like telling Gary the Retard to stop being retarded.
Howard said he thinks that he gave a pretty good answer for a 7 year old. He said it might be different if he was 24. Howard said he would like to turn back the clocks and be back in high school. Fred played some screaming clips as Howard talked about those days. Howard said his mother stepped in and yelled at him instead of pointing out that he's 7 years old and being yelled at.
Howard played another clip where his mom was yelling at him about singing ''Jelly Beaner'' when they wanted him to sing something else. Howard said he was miserable even back then. Howard said he still doesn't know the lyrics to any song to this day. He said things really haven't changed since then.
Howard said Little Mikey wrote a new song for Robin. It's called ''Can I See.'' It was about her big brown titties of course.
Robin started her news with a story about a new album coming out from No Doubt. Robin had some clips from the new album. Howard said Gwen Stefani isn't so nice to him. He said that her husband is nice but Gwen won't even say hello to him when he sees her. He said he's always so complimentary to her too. Howard said she's hot. He said he'd play the song anyway. He played some of one song and said she does have some catchy tunes. Howard played a second clip and said the first one was a hit but not the second one.
Howard said that Scott the Engineer took off for Yom Kippur today and he's the only Jew who took off. Even Lisa G is there. Shuli said Jon Leiberman was going to try fasting but he's not sure he'll be able to do that. Howard goofed on Scott for a short time about taking today off.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that Scott told him yesterday that he wasn't going to temple today. He said he told him flat out he wasn't going. Howard said Scott is a fucking hypocrite. Howard said he thinks he's beating the system. Howard said he is so lucky to have a job with them. Howard said he would take today off but he fucked up with the AGT schedule. Doug said he got a lot of flack about not taking today off. He said he's probably not going to eat today. Howard said he ate last night though. Doug said he did. Howard said Scott thinks he's so smart taking a day off and sitting home.
Doug told Howard that his cantor is a guy who sends in some Baba Booey Opera song parodies. Howard sarcastically said that was a great story. Fred played one of the guy's songs that he sent in. Howard said it would be great if he threw in a Baba Booey at Temple. Doug was going to tell Howard more about the temple stuff but Howard said he's very boring and asked him to leave. He said he's boring the fucking world with his cantor story. Howard goofed on Doug for a few more seconds and said he's trapped in another conversation with this fucking guy. Howard said he zoned out with that whole story. Howard said he's so fucking boring.
Howard asked where that Gwen Stefani clip is. He said she might be too old to be doing that. He said she's dressed like she's 19 but she has two kids and she should sit home with them. Howard said she gives him shitty attitude so fuck off, asshole. Howard said she sings for a living and that's being like an ape in a zoo. Howard said people pay to see her dance around and sing. Howard said she's not doing anything important. Howard said curing Alzheimer's is important. Howard said she should be sucking his balls. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.
Howard asked Doug when the Debbie the Pet Lady stuff will be up on Howard TV. Doug said that the Sour Shoes stuff will be up tonight and Debbie will be on tomorrow night. They have a bunch of Ronnie's Block Party stuff that will be up tonight as well.
Robin got back to her news and read about a millionaire madam who was running a brothel there in the city and she made a plea deal so she won't have to go to jail other than time served. Howard wondered why they give her such a good deal. Robin said she probably did everything she could to stay in the legal limits so they're sweeping it under the rug.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that he seems to be cranky today. She asked when Howard is doing Jimmy Kimmel. Howard said he rarely gets to see Jimmy on his show but he will go on when he's doing the show in Brooklyn. Howard said he's going to be on for Halloween. Mariann said she knew he was going to do that. Howard told her to be quiet and listen to the story. Howard said they asked him not to do it on Halloween. Howard said they asked if he could do Tuesday or Thursday. Howard said if it was anyone else he'd tell them to fuck themselves. Howard said if they want him Tuesday he'll do it. Howard said he will do it at 6 but no later. Howard said he's going to do it on that Tuesday which is October 30th. Howard said they must have gotten someone better for Halloween. Mariann asked who is better. Howard said they must have gotten God because he's the only one better than him. Howard said he's glad it's not on Halloween. He said he doesn't want to dress in a costume. Howard said he will dress sharp instead.
Howard said he would have gone on as 1980s Howard Stern with a big bouffant wig on. Howard asked Robin what she thinks about that. Robin said that he'd be doing a lot of explaining. Howard said he's glad he's doing it on Tuesday instead. Mariann said she was going to go dressed as Howard.
Howard said he just realized why he's not into organized religion. Howard said it's like all of the rules his mother had for him. He said that if you're into religion then you have to follow all of those rules just to live. Robin said that Howard isn't following the rules and he's doing just fine. Howard said he doesn't think God would be so trivial. Howard said that you just have to make someone's day pleasant. Howard asked where Baba Booey was so he could yell at him.
Robin got back to her news and read about a school that gives out morning after birth control pills. Howard said if his 13 year old was pregnant he'd be happy that they do that. Howard said these right to lifers are out of control. Howard said he would hand out those pills like Tic Tacs. He said it sounds like a fantastic program.
Robin read that France is going to rid official documents of the words mother and father and replace that with ''parents'' so homosexuals can have children without a problem.
Howard said he wishes he was raised by homosexuals. Howard said he wishes he was raised anywhere other than where he was raised. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Howard had some audio of Riley Martin having some trouble saying the word ''Connecticut'' on his show this week. Riley was having a hard time getting the word out. Howard said when you're from other galaxies it must be hard to pronounce it.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who thanked him for another week of great radio. He said yesterday was the funniest with Sour Shoes. He said yesterday was his moment of the week. Jeff asked if he can come down for the artist thing. Howard said we'll have to see what happens. He let him go a short time later.
Robin read a story about a new iPad app that's out that lets you see Albert Einstein's brain. Howard said there's a new Sal the Stockbroker app where he pays you $9.99 to look at his brain. Howard asked if Einstein's break looks different than others. Robin said she's not sure.
Robin read a story about a family that was arrested when children were found in the trunk of the car. Robin said that the family dog was in there too. Robin said the kids were turned over to child protective services. Robin said Howard's parents don't sound so bad now. Howard said they weren't bad at all.
Howard said he saw this movie ''End of Watch'' and they had these really crazy stories where kids are all locked up and stuff and you don't think it's real. Then you hear a story like Robin read and there are crazy things like that going on out there.
Robin read about the NFL referees and how up in arms people are about the calls they're making. Robin said it's not affecting betting though. She said people don't care about bad calls.
Robin read about this guy Todd Aiken who came out with the ''Legitimate rape'' thing recently. Robin said he's still in the race for congress. Howard asked if he has any chance of winning at all. Robin said they say that he's still ahead. Robin had some audio of him talking about not dropping out. Robin said the woman running against him is using that ''legitimate rape'' comment in attack ads. Howard said if he runs for Vice President then people will be pulling a lot of his old stuff out and attack him over that. Howard said this guy Aiken has 45 percent of the votes in the polls. Benjy was asking questions about that and Howard left his microphone off so it sounded like he was wearing a mask. Howard spent a minute doing that and then went into another live commercial read.
Robin read a story about Ann Romney being on Jay Leno's show last night. Robin said Ann told a story about a flight she was on that had a problem. Robin had some audio of Ann talking about that. Howard goofed on Jay for being so bad at those set up stories that he asks his guests about. Howard said he'd rather listen to Gary talking about Sonos.
Robin had some audio of Mitt Romney and President Obama talking at the U.N. summit. Robin had some audio of Madonna talking about how we have a black Muslim in office right now. Howard did an impression of what that sounded like with the huge amount of echo.
Robin read about cars that will drive without drivers. Howard said he heard about cars that will parallel park themselves and he's wondering where those are. Robin read about the cars Google is working on and how they're getting approval to test them out in some areas. Howard said he would love a car like that. Robin said that's because he doesn't like to drive. Howard said he imagines there would still be cars that people could drive. Howard said it's pretty cool that Google is developing that kind of technology. Howard said he likes the stuff they're doing. He said they're a pretty cool company. He jokingly said he bets that their stock will be worth something some day.
Robin read about tonight's Powerball Lottery drawing and what that's worth. Robin asked Howard if he has his tickets. Howard said he doesn't think that anyone out there is going to win. Howard said it's not you, referring to everyone listening. Robin said the Powerball is up to $128 million. That led to Howard doing his Gary impression and talking about driver less cars with Sonos installed. Howard said if he won that jackpot he's sure they'd find a way not to pay him. He said he has hit that jackpot before and they figured out a way not to pay him. They ended the show around 10:15am.
Gary came in and said he sent Howard the link yesterday and he wasn't sure how he was going to feel about it. Gary said Howard asked JD what he had for him this morning and he heard JD tell Howard he had the Nerdist show up. Gary said he knew Howard asked him to put it up. Gary said he knew Howard was going to make fun of him for reading badly but he wanted to know what else he was going to go off on him about. Gary said he was as prepared as he could be. He said they didn't have any guests today so he knew it was coming.
Gary said there are a lot of reasons he doesn't just talk the way Howard told him to. He said he has started to go that way but it's taking time to get there. Gary said that he has people asking what's wrong with his neck and all of that. He said people say he looks like an ape and things like that too. Gary said they call him names and say that Howard will hate it. Gary said he is getting some positive feedback about the content of the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how many times Howard has told him that this kind of thing was just for the show. Gary said he never does that. The caller asked Gary if he has ever pulled Howard off the air and told him to take it easy on him. Gary said he did that once. He said they were in the bathroom and he asked Howard to take it easy on him about the tape he sent to his girlfriend and Howard told him to just shut up.
Jon said he thinks that Howard can't help himself when it comes to Gary. Gary said someone like Lisa G might have some wiggle room but not him.
Jon asked if Robin was picking on Gary a lot today. Gary said a lot of people thought she was but she was just being who she is. He said she was breaking his balls but that's what she does. Gary said he thought she was just doing what they do there. He said he doesn't care if Howard never watches that show again. Gary said he knew what he needed to do before he did it. Gary said Howard asked him to send him that video link so he did.
Gary said the show is not where he would like it to be. He said it's not as awful as Howard made it out to be. Gary said Howard calls Benjy fat and when people see him he's not the 500 ponds they expect. He said it's never as bad as Howard makes it out to be.
Gary said he is speaking to a very specific audience and he thinks they're okay with the show. He said that Howard was talking about that running device and he never heard Howard talk about it again. He said he had a feeling he had gotten rid of it. This morning he confirmed that. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked Gary about Scott the Engineer and if he got a bad rap today. Gary said that Scott isn't really a religious guy. Gary said Shuli is from Israel and he didn't even take off. Benjy said that has nothing to do with it. He said that being from Israel doesn't make you more Jewish. He said he hates when people tell you when to take off. He said it's up to Scott when he wants to celebrate. Gary said that he's derailing the conversation because he's taking a day off when he's not a religious man.
Benjy asked Gary if he's a religious man. Gary said he's not anymore. He said they did some stuff for his dad but he could care less about that. Gary said he understands what Benjy is trying to say. He said there are consequences when you take off a day like this.
Shuli said it is weird when someone like Lisa G takes off for Rosh Hashana but not for Yom Kippur. Benjy said he would have taken off because his parents would prefer it. He said he made a personal decision to come in. Gary said that's what he expected from Scott. Gary asked Jon if he would have taken off today. Jon said he would have so he can put out the right message to his family. He said if Howard is on then he's on. He said that's the way he works. Jon said that's not what he expects from everyone though.
Jon said no one there believes that Scott took the day off for religious reasons. He said they believe he took a day off to take a day off. Benjy asked who they are to question it. Gary said that it's a questionable thing. He said if he took Easter off but doesn't go to church and he just sits home then what's that all about? Benjy said people can celebrate their religion the way they want. Benjy said that the company doesn't have to give you the day off. Gary said that's not true. He said they do have to give you a day off for a religious holiday. Benjy still didn't think that was true.
Jon said they'll find out when Scott comes in next week. Jon said that he was noticeably absent today. Gary said that it's always magnified when you do something like this. Shuli asked if he took it off last year. Ronnie said he did take it off but Howard always takes it off. He said Howard always takes it off but the AGT schedule screwed that up so he didn't have any days left.
Jason mentioned Scott's bowling and if he was doing it on Kol Nidre which was last night. Gary said he heard he was bowling on Monday. They may have moved nights for the holiday.
Jon said he thought that Debbie was going to go through everyone and attack. He said that Howard just gave her the money and told her to get out. Gary said that it's almost like handing money to a drug addict. He said she'll probably go out and buy more pets. He said that's really not his business but she's going to want more money from Howard. He said she's like Wendy the Retard and she won't stop asking for money.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Gary would be a good addition to GEEKTIME. Gary said he thinks Ralph doesn't think he's of a caliber to be on that show. The caller also asked if Debbie has been diagnosed with anything. Jon Leiberman said she showed him her legally handicapped card when he was at her apartment. She has some kind of schitzo defective disorder or something like that. Leiberman said that for four hors she was normal after taking her meds. He said as soon as the meds wear off she's back to being crazy again.
Jon asked why Shuli gave her a yes vote. Shuli said that it's the same reason he does news stories with her. He said he tries to be nice to her but the following day she'll want another story done. He said that he can't do an interview with her every day. Shuli said she calls him a piece of shit and he's tired of that. He said he knows there is no fixing it. Shuli said when Howard asks if he should have her up she's great radio and you can't deny that.
Gary said they gave her that money to go away. Jon said that Howard didn't think she would get up and leave. Jon asked Ronnie how he would have gotten her out if she refused to leave. Ronnie said he would have picked her up by her hair and pulled her out.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Debbie needs help and they should have called a doctor to get her out of there. Gary said she has already been diagnosed and he's not sure that would have helped. Ronnie said if the building had called the police they would have held her for 72 hours. Jon had to take another break after that.
Ronnie said that Wolfie's friend was a really nice guy and it didn't make sense to him why he'd have such a nice friend. He said that he heard what they were talking about on the air and he just said to himself that he'd just go in and let the guy do what he wanted. Ronnie said it was really nothing to him. He said Wolfie didn't get under his skin today. He said he has gotten to him before. Ronnie said he talked to him off the air and told him that. Gary told him not to do that because he fucks the whole bit up.
Gary said Ronnie didn't have a beef with Wolfie until last time he was on. He figured they'd just let him fuck with Ronnie today.
Shuli asked Ronnie who gets under his skin more, Wolfie or Dan the Song Parody Man. Ronnie said he didn't even want to talk about that guy. He said he had a whole thing with him at AGT in Los Angeles.
Benjy said that the whole thing with Ronnie today came off as kind of lame. He said it was kind of funny to see him not get pissed off. Ronnie said that Wolfie was trying to get under his skin with the pace car thing but it really didn't happen. Gary thought he did get under his skin. Ronnie said he did a little bit but not that much. He said he felt he made his bit fail the way he handled it. He said he thinks he outsmarted the guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's aggravated with the way Howard treats Gary. He said that they're supposed to branch off on their own in a few years but Howard won't let them. He said that he should throw shit back in Robin's face too when she goes off on him the way she does. He said that Gary sold more books than she did. Gary said he's not sure he actually did. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
In the clip Howard had Penn Jillette in the studio. He was talking about the taping they were going to be doing for the tennis match and he had to call his sister about not being able to get her more tickets. Howard called his sister Ellen and told her about the ticket situation. Ellen said she asked for a few more tickets and Howard promised her some but then he took it back. Howard said Ellen is lying through her teeth. Howard said he never said he would get her six tickets.
Howard told Ellen to give her side of the story. Ellen said Howard said he'd give her six tickets. Then the family went out for her birthday and Howard was sitting there all sour puss. Howard said that's not why. He said the guy sitting next to them was staring at him and he told mommy why he was like that. Howard said this guy was staring at him and he had to turn and face the wall. He didn't want to make a scene there because he's that kind of guy. Howard said he wasn't able to just ignore the guy. Howard said the way he eats is kind of embarrassing. Howard said his nose runs when he eats so he's always wiping his nose.
Ellen said she asked about the ticket situation. She said that he told her he had a problem then. Howard said that's not right. He said he turned to her and told her he had a problem. Howard said Ellen asked for six tickets after he announced the show. He said okay to her but he was trying to be a big man with his sister. Howard said they have 18,000 tickets but he can't give her more. Ellen said when all of his fans disappear he'll still have his sister. Howard said he wants to finish his story.
Ellen said she told her husband, Peter, that Howard has all of these tickets and he couldn't give her more. Howard said he's going to tell her the way it really is. Howard said he has a limited amount of free tickets. Howard said Ellen is his sister so she's going to get a couple. Howard said they sold out the paid tickets in a day. Howard said this isn't a party for himself. He said this is work for him. Howard said if she wants to see what this whole thing is going to cost he'll show her. Howard said he had 20 pair of tickets available. Howard said that's 40 total. Howard said his agent got the tickets and they have to give some to people they do business with. Howard said that was maybe 10 pair of tickets. Howard said he had to go out and buy more to give to other friends. Ellen said that she should have told her that. Penn told her that he will tell her personal business only on the air.
Howard said he didn't pay for Ellen's tickets. Howard said he had those 10 pair that were free. Howard said he really doesn't want his family there. Howard asked Penn if he would want his family there. Ellen said she would want her's there. Penn said Howard was talking to him. He told her to watch Howard's eyes to see who he's looking at.
Howard said he has friends and relatives that want tickets. Howard said he's not going to give them to Ellen's friends. He said he wants his sister there. Ellen said he should have told him this at the start. Howard said he never should have told her he had six for her. He said he told her that he had a problem that night at the restaurant. Howard said he didn't have enough and he had to ask her to help him out.
Ellen said her friend was very understanding when she told her she might not be able to get them. Howard said he isn't giving up yet. He said he might be able to get more. He said he might have to buy them from Robin. Howard said Ellen has to tell her friends ''no'' when they ask for tickets. Howard said he's not sure if he can get the tickets.
Howard said he could sell out a lot of large venues. Ellen said she never imagined that this place would sell out. Penn said Howard is a superstar so of course he's going to sell the place out.
Gary said that Howard's secretary just called and asked where her tickets are. Howard said she's going to be working that night.
Howard told Ellen that he doesn't have the tickets and he can't get them. Howard said Dr. Lou wanted tickets too. He said he called Lou's wife last night and told her that he can only get them one set of tickets. Howard said he has to invite Lou before Ellen's friends. Howard said they just don't have the tickets. Ellen said everyone is in shock that he sold out. Howard said this is work for him so that's the way it is.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Ellen about other stuff before Gary came in and said that a listener had two extra tickets to give to Ellen. Ellen appreciated that and said that she has learned her lesson from all of this. They wrapped up a short time later.
In the clip Howard explained how John was going to pull a prank on Steve Grillo but they told Grillo what John was going to do so Grillo could prank John. Howard said John wanted to come on to Grillo so they told Grillo to come on to John and try to kiss him.
Howard had John and Grillo come into the studio to talk about it. Howard said that John was in his underpants when this all went down. Howard said there's not a lot to hear in this clip though. John said he thought that Grillo would freak if he came on to him and he had no idea this was going to happen.
John said that Grillo was next to him on the couch. He said he tried to give Grillo a kiss on the cheek and he didn't run away. He said he knew something was up. He said he normally would have run away.
Howard said he thinks that Scott DePace could be gay because he's always talking about homosexuals. Howard said Scott calls Doug as a woman all the time. He has some of the audio of him doing that too. Howard said Scott also went to a tranny bar and didn't know that the women were men.
Howard played a clip of Scott calling Doug Goodstein's voice mail. Scott was singing to him in a woman's voice.
Howard said he had another one too. He played that one and Scott said he had problems with his pee-pee. Scott was asking Doug why it burns when he pees. Howard said that was Scott. Scott said that singing clip wasn't him. Howard said he constantly thinks about gays and he's obsessed.
Howard asked John what else when on with him and Grillo. John said he gave Grillo a couple of pecks on his cheek and he didn't do anything. Grillo said he went a little longer and gave him a hug and Grillo stayed with it so he asked him if he knew where the camera was at.
Howard had some tape of John and Grillo talking before the hugging and kissing went on. John and Grillo were having a discussion about gay experiences and if they would do anything if they were forced into it. Grillo said he's not sure if he would do anything.
Howard said he believed Grillo was gay in that clip. John said he had a good scam planned but he's not sure he can do it now. He said he needs these guys to help him out. He can't truest them on that now. Howard said that's the hijinx that go on there.
John said that Doug betrayed him. Doug said he didn't betray him. He explained why they did what they did. Doug said that John took it way too far because it was a joke. They wrapped up a short time later.
More News With Robin. 09/27/1991. 6:25pm
Howard said he's waiting to get a copy of the new Guns N Roses album. He said Gary was supposed to get that for him. Stuttering John came in and said that he has a couple copies. Howard ended up making fun of his stutter when John said something that made him sound like a bee. Howard did an impression of that for a couple of minutes. Howard asked John how he has Guns N Roses albums and Gary can't get him one. John said it's because he has it on Z-Rock. Howard said his stutter is like a wind up. He and Fred goofed on him about that for a short time. Howard said they have to get out of there. He let John get in some plugs for a gig he had coming up. Everyone was doing the bee impression and goofing on John.
John asked Howard if he wanted to play Live and Let Die. Howard said he had no idea what John had just said. He said it so fast it wasn't clear.
Leslie West called in and told Howard that he ordered 20 copies of ''Crucified by the FCC'' for gifts in Japan. Howard said he thinks that they'll be impressed with that. Leslie did his impression of Stuttering John and it was like a Porky Pig impression. John hates that. Leslie said he loves John though. Leslie said this just comes out when he mentions John's name. Howard let Leslie get in a plug for his gig and then let him go. Howard played the Guns N Roses ''Live and Let Die'' as he was wrapping up the show.
In the clip Robin was reading through some news and read about the Tawana Brawley case and gave Howard some information on what was going on with that. That led into a bit they created called the ''Brawley Bunch.'' It was a parody of the Brady Bunch.
Howard's Bathroom Break. 09/27/1991. 6:10pm
Howard said he should talk to the guy that saw Jackie's rudeness. Howard said he should get to it today and not wait. They went to break a short time later.
After an edited out break Howard came back and talked more about the handcuffing thing and how he was still in pain. Howard told Gary to instruct the new intern not to stand next to him in the bathroom. He said that he came right up next to him at the urinal. Howard said he also thinks that Tom Chiusano should cut back on the bran muffins. He said the smell in there was awful. Howard goofed on Tom about that for a couple of minutes.
Howard said there was another guy in the bathroom too. He said he saw the intern come over and he was kind of looking over. He said that he can't handle a regular guy checking him out while he pees. He said that he got up close to the urinal but he was afraid that he was wetting his jeans.
Gary brought in the intern who was in the bathroom with Howard. Howard told the kid that he shouldn't be looking. The intern, Marak, said he wasn't looking. He said he didn't mean to bother him. Howard said it's fine. Howard spent a little time finding out what he does there as an intern. Marak said that he wants to be a DJ so he's learning how to do stuff there.
Howard wanted to give Marak a chance to talk up a song. He set something up on the turntable but it wasn't working. Howard said he should learn to work in all formats so he had a Paul Lynde song playing for him. Howard had him talk that song up and he actually did it. Howard said he may have some talent there. He had him talk up a Led Zeppelin song too but he didn't hit the post like Howard can. Howard said he had better stick to staring at his penis. Howard let Marak go a short time later.
Howard said that kid is better than Gange and he has an accent. Howard told Gange to come in there so he can talk up a song. He wanted to compare the two. Gange came in so Howard was goofing on his voice. He told Gange to talk up 'Rock and Roll'' by Led Zeppelin. Gange tried it but he screwed up when Jackie laughed at him. Howard let him go after he tried talking it up again.
Howard played more of the Paul Lynde song and goofed around with that for a minute. He asked Billy West come in to do his impression of Paul. Billy didn't come in so Howard figured he wasn't there. Howard figured they'd save Jackie's friend for Monday after all of that.
In the clip Howard took a call from a guy who was having trouble hearing since his radio was on. The caller turned his radio down and then asked what happened to the bum in the underpants party video. Howard said they got him cleaned up and got him a job but he really didn't want a job. Howard said the guy didn't have a high pressure job either. Howard spent a minute talking to that guy about the homeless guy and then moved on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they spelled Sam Kinison's name wrong on the back of his video. Howard said they did that on purpose. Howard said that's what he told Sam anyway. Howard said they had a contest for the fans to figure out what the problem was. He said they told Sam they did it for a contest. Howard said Sam told them to do whatever they wanted. Howard said he would have gone back and changed it if he wanted. He said Sam was fine with it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he was talking to Howard. Howard had Fred play a bunch of clips of footsteps and doors opening like he was walking through the building. Howard said that was a nice job Fred did. Howard was going to talk to the guy but when the guy started asking his question Fred played more of the footsteps and doors opening and closing. They told the caller Howard had left but he was coming back. Howard pretended to come back and the guy started to ask a question and Howard said he forgot his wallet so he had to leave again. Fred played the sounds again. This time he added some change falling on the floor. Howard came back and asked what the caller was asking about. The caller got back into it again but Howard said he forgot to flush. He had Fred play the clips again. He had Howard walking out and going back to the toilet to flush it. He let that caller go a short time later.
Howard took another call from a guy who was asking about a black guy they had on the show. they ended up doing the same thing to that guy that they did with the other caller. Fred played Howard walking away and then coming back. Howard said the clip the guy was talking about was real. They had a kid who could pop his eyeballs out of his head. Robin didn't think it was real. Howard said it really was real. Robin said it was trick photography. Howard insisted it was real.
An intern told Howard he had a woman on the phone who was upset about Howard walking back and forth to the bathroom with the caller on the line. Howard spent a minute talking to the intern and then took the call from the woman who was upset with him about the footsteps. Howard told her to hold on because he had to go do something. Fred played the audio clips and the woman talked to Robin for a few seconds. Robin told the woman that Howard went somewhere but she's not sure where.
Howard came back and talked to the woman about his walking back and forth. He disappeared again and then came back and went off on the woman for a few minutes before hanging up on her. Howard said she was a big dummy.
In the clip Howard had the crew playing the parts of various celebrities in a Match Game parody. Howard took a call from a guy named Jason who was going to be one of the contestants in the game. He took another call and got Walter on the line. Howard told the caller what he has to do in the game. The caller said it sounds similar to the TV show. Howard laughed.
Howard asked Jason and Walter a couple of questions and then got into the game. Howard asked questions and got goofy answers from the ''celebrity'' players. They were making pussy jokes and things like that.
Howard asked for the next match and it was ''____ Bag'' so the contestants had to match with the celebrity players. Howard went to break after everyone gave their answers.
After the break Howard had another match game to play. It was ''Dirty Sally was so dirty that even her ___ had to be crop dusted.'' Howard asked the player Walter to give his answer first. Walter said ''hair'' and Howard got the answers from the celebrity contestants. One said ''thighs'' and another said ''hair'' so the caller won a tube of Preparation H.
In the clip they were playing Howard announcing on Hollywood Squares. Howard was filling in for Shadoe Stevens at the time. Howard came on and talked about getting calls about how good he was on the show. Howard said they didn't edit him in that episode but they did with other shows. Howard said he
Robin said she forgot to watch. Howard said he was waiting for her opinion about the show. He said she really is a bitch. Howard said she didn't do her homework. Robin said she was very upset that he took it home and watched it over the weekend. Howard said if he didn't watch it then he wouldn't have been able to do his shtick.
Howard said he had Leslie West on the phone telling him how great he was. Howard said he needs Robin to go and watch it now. Fred missed the show too. Jackie said he was working so he missed it. Howard said they have to watch the show tonight because they edit him. He said Monday's show was the only one they didn't edit. Howard said that Leslie was telling him how great he was but he told him that it was the unedited show. He said if you add up all of the time he's on the rest of the week it's only about a minute total.
Howard said Leslie was calling it a conspiracy after he told him what happened. Howard said Leslie told him that they must have told the people how to play so they wouldn't pick him. Howard said he didn't think they did that. He said the people just didn't pick him.
Howard said he heard that some people were upset about the show and saying it was very obscene. Howard said that's what he wanted. He said the rest of the week he won't be because they edited him out.
Howard asked Gary if he saw the show or was he parking Robin's car? Gary said he saw the show. Howard said Robin has Gary parking her car and she's going to get paid back karma wise. Robin said she has a broken ankle so she has an excuse. Howard said that it is helping the show run smoother. Howard said Gary was complaining about it when he said that one minute he's booking Ronald Reagan for the show and the next he's parking her car.
Gary asked Robin how she gets her car after the show. Robin said it takes her 25 minutes to walk to the car. Gary didn't sound convinced that it took her that long. Howard said this really irritates Gary. Howard asked Robin when she thinks her ankle is going to be better. Robin said in about 6 months. Howard said it is demeaning but that's his job. They went to break a short time later.
Brad / Houston Prom Date Update. 9/27/99. 7:55am
A few months ago Brad, a high school student, asked Howard to hook him up with Porno star Houston for his prom. Long story short, they went to the prom and hit it off. They went out with each other a few times and enjoyed each other's company. Well, that relationship soured when the two of them hooked up in Las Vegas recently. Howard had the two of them on the phone this morning to find out what happened. Houston was out in Las Vegas to promote a bunch of things and she invited Brad to hang out with her. Houston explained how she was overwhelmed with all that was going on plus Brad was near her constantly. It eventually got to her and she had to get away from him. There were a couple of other things that freaked her out also. She said Brad told her that he'd shaved all of his pubic hair and it was kind of weird for her since he's so young. She said she didn't see it that week though. Brad explained that he doesn't like body hair and that's why he shaved. Houston also thinks that all of this publicity has gone to Brad's head. Brad said that the reason he hung around her so much was because he didn't know what to do while he was in a strange town. He didn't know anyone so he stayed by the one who invited him out there. They went on and on for 25 minutes or so and eventually Houston said that she was sorry and said that she'll probably hook up with him when she's in the New York area in November. Brad wasn't sure if he wanted to hook up with her because he's still upset over the whole thing. Howard took a couple of phone calls and some guys took Brad's side in the whole thing. One guy said ''What did you expect from a whore?'' Brad said he got to know another side of Houston and actually fell in love with her! He said he didn't think he would but he did anyway. Before Howard ended the segment Brad mentioned that he's going to be reviewing strip clubs for BachelorParty411.com. Houston made a good point when she said that those clubs are over 21 and Brad is only 18. Brad said he has connections and told her not to worry about it.
Stuttering John Interviews Audrey Meadows. 09/27/1994. 6:25am
After the break Howard took a phone call from a guy who thought that Howard had a new speech impediment. He said it's been coming out as a stutter when he gets upset. Howard said that's more of an act than anything. He demonstrated the stutter for the guy to show him how he does it. That led to them talking about Stuttering Vic who wasn't there. Stuttering John came in and said that he wasn't there and he wasn't sure why. John said that someone offered to knock the guy off for him when he was at a hockey game.
Howard had some audio of Stuttering John interviewing Audrey Meadows. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about Audrey Meadows and The Honeymooners before moving on to the tapes.
Howard talked about some trouble he had with his two daughters the night before. He said one of his kids bit the other. He said he was in the middle of masturbating when he heard the kids crying so he had to stop that and go upstairs.
Gary came in and told Howard that Stuttering Vic was on the phone and it was funny to hear him try and say the word ''doctor.'' Howard got Vic on and found out that he had a problem with his eye. Gary asked him to say where he had to go and he stuttered as he was saying the word. Howard told him that was the right answer. He also told Vic that he misses him and he's working out very well with Stuttering John.
Vic told Howard that no one knows who he is so he is able to get into these events easier than John can. Vic had his call waiting coming through so it was interrupting his phone call. Vic figured it was one of his friends calling to tell him that he's on the air like he doesn't know.
Howard moved on to play some of the interview that Stuttering John got with Audrey Meadows. In the tape John was yelling out questions even though he wasn't supposed to be. He asked her if Jackie Gleason ever slipped her the tongue. She said she knew he was going to ask her a question like that.
Stuttering John was giving Howard some excuses for why he wasn't able to get a better interview. He said he didn't bring his disguise with him when he went out to do the interviews. Robin was busting his balls telling him that he should always have that disguise. John thought that Howard wasn't all that interested in having him interview Audrey Meadows so he didn't think he needed the disguise. Howard didn't understand what he was saying. He wrapped up with him a short time later.
Lisa G's Howard 100 News Preview, Sal Wants A ''Traction.'' 09/27/07. 7:15am
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he didn't like the Bionic Woman. He thought Howard was wasted or something last night while he was watching it. Howard said that he thinks that they have room for improvement but he liked it. He said they have a lot of potential. The caller said that the show Reaper was another good one. Howard said he won't watch that one because the premise is flawed. He said that the premise is that the parents of a child sold the soul of their child to the devil but that's not possible so he can't watch it.
Howard let that caller go and said he had a ton of stuff to get to. He had Lisa G come in since she was waiting outside. She said that it was 2 years ago this weekend that the two Howard Stern Channels went live. Howard said he thought it was 3 years ago. That's not the case though, it was just 2 years ago.
Lisa said that they spoke to Scott the Engineer about his operation this week. Howard said he spoke to his wife about it too and they had to do an extra big operation because Scott waited so long to have the surgery. He said that Scott is in pain and he can't walk because of this operation. He said he spoke to Scott and he was telling him how much pain he's in. He's taking Oxycotin and that's not even numbing the pain, it just makes him sleepy.
Howard said he told Scott that he misses him around there but he was full of shit when he told him that. Scott really appreciated hearing that but Howard claims he was lying. Artie told Scott that if he wants to make some extra scratch, he should bring in that Oxycotin. He then claimed that he wouldn't take that stuff. He said that it's basically Hillbilly Heroin to quote Rush Limbaugh. He said that would probably lead to him getting back on heroin.
Lisa said that Jason and Will have another story about Sal enrolling in acting classes. Howard said that he was listening to Sal on the Wrap Up Show and he really comes across as an idiot. He explained the story that Jason had told on this Page 69 report and Sal was so dumb that he was both denying and confirming the story that Jason had told. He said that Sal doesn't even know that he's doing it.
Howard played some audio of Sal explaining what he did and he was going around in circles explaining what he had done and trying to defend himself against what Jason had said about him. He said he was trying to find Seth McFarlane's e-mail address but didn't tell Jason he had to give it to him. Artie said that Sal was basically just admitting to have done what they accused him of doing but also saying he didn't do it.
Howard said that Seth McFarlane isn't going to pay any attention to an e-mail from Sal unless he mentions he's from the Howard Stern Show. Artie said that the whole thing was really weird. He said that Sal trying to get a job on Entourage was weird because he just wanted to teach him a lesson.
Howard heard that Sal and Richard were arguing over the leaking of the acting class story. He said they were fighting out there in the studio. Richard came in and said that he thought it was funny that Sal was taking acting classes. Sal said that he told Richard that story in confidence and that's what upset him. Richard said that Sal had a consultation and the woman in the class didn't want her name mentioned. She was Jackie's acting teacher according to Sal. He said that he thinks he's going to quit today. That led to the guys doing impressions of Jackie and goofing on his acting abilities.
Sal said he feels like such a douche now that all of this stuff has come out. Howard told him that's because he is a douche. Richard said that Sal gave him permission to tell this story. Sal denied doing that. Howard said that Sal had asked for them to do a ''traction'' on the story from Page 69 yesterday. Howard had him repeating the ''traction'' thing over and over again while Artie laughed at his comments. Sal said he wants Jason to go on the air and give a traction for the story. Howard kept him going on that and Jason came in and told him that they have a ''no traction'' policy for Page 69. Sal said that he had plenty of traction on the show. Artie said that this is becoming a classic bit right now.
Howard kept asking Sal about the traction thing and Sal didn't get that he was being goofed on. He was talking to Howard as if it was a real term. Artie kept laughing whenever Sal would say the word and he still didn't get that he wasn't using the right word. Howard and Artie were both laughing and asked Richard if he even knows why this is funny. Sal was about to walk out of the studio because he thought they were goofing on him about something else. He still didn't know it was the ''traction'' thing.
Richard said that maybe he was wrong for doing this to Sal and maybe he should give him some ''traction.'' Howard asked Sal if he wants Jason to come in and give him some ''traction.'' Sal kept using the term over and over again so Howard asked him if he went to college. He said he went to Suffolk Community for a year. Artie said that this is even better than KC's ''Serenading meat'' segment. Sal still didn't get it even after all of the goofing. Artie told him that he was part of maybe one of the funniest bits on the show. He still didn't grasp the whole idea that he was being goofed on over the traction thing.
Richard told Sal that he's going to give a traction for him. Sal said that he's never going to ask for stupid shit like that again. Richard knew why this was so funny and brought up the traction thing himself. Artie told Sal that it's not ''attraction, it's traction'' so Sal was saying it as ''traction''' and assuming that Howard was going to goof on the way he was saying the word.
Howard asked Sal if he wants traction or not. Sal said he doesn't want any traction from Jason or from anyone else. He said he doesn't need one from the NY Times or anyone else. Jason said that he's going to give Sal his traction today. Howard wanted the fans to all agree that they were never going to tell Sal what was so funny about this segment. Sal said that he doesn't want a traction from anyone and that's it. That was the end of that.
Richard said that he was insulted that they had to ask him if he knew what was going on. Artie said that this should be the final segment of the show forever. He said that they should just end the show and Howard's career right now because it can't get better than this. A phone caller told Sal that snow tires are what give traction, not a radio show. A couple of callers said that this was the best Sal segment ever. Howard agreed. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard, Jackie And Fred Practice ''My Brown Eye.'' 9/27/99. 8:45am
Howard and the gang came up with a couple of new song parodies. The first one they performed was ''My Brown Eye'' and the second one was ''The Gay Way'' to the tune of a Backstreet Boys song ''I Want It That Way.'' After performing both of the songs live Howard took some phone calls. Pretty much everyone agreed that ''The Gay Way'' was the better of the two. A short time later Howard and the gang sang the song again. Howard decided to call the band ''The Backside Boys'' and said he's even willing to go on MTV to perform it.
In the clip Robin was reading about what Bernhard was saying about the people he shot in the subway. Robin and Howard spent a little time talking about how they think Bernhard Goetz was in his right to shoot people that were hassling him but maybe not shoot so many of them and maybe not so many times. Howard said that guy was acting as wacky as the guys who were hassling him.
Howard said if he were the governor he'd put all of the people who were on the train that night on Retarded Island.
Robin read about a guy who moved to this country and need up being killed in the subway by some killers. Robin said everyone down there should be a killer. Robin said you can't blame this guy for going off on those people. Howard said it's too bad the guy who got killed last night couldn't be prosecuted for being mugged. Howard said Bernhard Goetz was mugged and sent to jail.
Robin said there was a little justice on another train. The mugger was electrocuted when he fled from the train and hit the third rail. Robin said he had mugged the woman and then the woman started screaming and a bunch of people went after the mugger. Robin said they chased him and he hit the third rail in a rail yard that was dark. Howard said he loves that. He said it's like a Twilight Zone episode.
George Takei Live Via Satellite. 09/27/1994. 8:10am
Howard had George Takei on a satellite feed so he could talk to him as if he were in the studio. He told George that he had George's long lost brother (Billy West) in the studio. Billy was doing his impression of George and making comments that George would never say. Howard asked Billy to stop it with the jokes because he would never make it through the interview.
Howard asked George about the way he enunciates his words and why that is. He said he never did it in Star Trek. George said that's because he was acting. He was Sulu in those shows so he was doing that character. Billy West continued to do his impression so George asked him to behave.
Howard told George that he's happy that he took on William Shatner in his book (To the Stars: The Autobiography of George Takei, Star Trek's Mr. Sulu). George said that he thinks that Shatner is a great actor and he did some great things on Star Trek. He said that you have to look at the whole man and not just that one part of his life.
Howard asked George if Shatner had sex with Uhura. George said they just kissed on the TV show. Howard talked about what he had read in his book and how Shatner was a pain in the ass on the set of the TV show. George said that Shatner has a wit and a smile that fools people. He said Shatner treated everyone the same on the set so it wasn't just him.
Howard asked George if he was Chinese as he was joking around about throwing stars. George corrected him and told him that he's Japanese. He talked about going to some Japanese language school when he was a child and how much he hated that.
George was talking about what a phony Shatner was when Howard asked him if he'd pull off his wig. George said that's a very expensive wig he wears. He talked about the many versions of the wig he had. Robin said that in the early TV shows Shatner had hardly any hair. Then he got curly hair in the TJ Hooker TV show and he has even more in the Star Trek movies.
George told Howard and Robin about the time he spent in the Japanese internment camps when he was a small child. He said that they were American citizens back then but just because they looked like the enemy, they were locked up in these camps. He said there were no trials or anything like that, they just came in with guns and shuffled them off to these camps. He said that they did get reparations in 1988. He gave that money to a charity for Japanese Americans.
Howard said that George had fun in those camps but he was only 4 years old at the time. Howard asked George why he wasn't there in the studio because they could have some real fun there. Billy West got back to doing his impression of George.
George talked about how much some of the other cast members on Star Trek disliked William Shatner. Gary came in and told Howard that he had a woman on the phone who was very angry at George. Howard took the call and the woman said that she thinks he's just jealous of Shatner and no one will buy his book. She said that she will not buy his book and she's had a crush on Shatner since she was a little girl.
George and the woman argued with each other for a short time and George let out his infamous ''Oh my!'' after she said that no one was guy to buy the book. Billy West, as George, mumbled under his breath ''Stupid bitch'' as she was getting off the phone. George asked him to behave after hearing that.
Howard let George go and had Billy West doing more of his impression. He had Billy doing an impression of George snoring and stuff like that. They went to break a short time later.
Gary Unable To Sleep Thanks To The Mets. 09/27/07. 6:10am
Howard said that Gary wasn't able to sleep last night with the Mets doing what they're doing. Gary said he's got heartburn over the whole thing. He said he actually had to take a Tums because of the heartburn he has over it. He said that they're having a meltdown late in the season. He told Howard how bad they're doing all of a sudden.
Artie said the Yankees are coming back and doing really well all of a sudden after a turbulent season. Gary said that no one is watching them now anyway. The two of them went back and forth arguing about their favorite teams. Gary said that things are so bad right now that he doesn't care about the Yankees, only about how the Mets are doing. Howard said that he has to care because if the Yanks make it and the Mets don't, that's going to bother him.
Gary said he saw a bad sign this morning when he came in and saw an armless midget outside the building wearing a Mets cap. Howard heard that and said they have to get that guy up there. He said he'd love to meet an armless midget. Gary said that the guy asked to be on the show and he asked the guy ''why?'' as if he were just some regular dude. Howard wondered how he can sign a release to get on the air if he doesn't have any arms.
Gary got back to his Mets stories and that led to Howard and Artie telling him that he's basically setting his son up for disappointment making him a Mets fan. Howard told Gary he should have made his son a Yankee fan. Gary said that he hates when Artie throws out those gay Mets fan jokes. He said they're just stupid but Howard said they're funny.
Gary said that Artie throws those jokes out during the Wrap Up Show and he really gets angry with him. Artie said that Gary gets visibly angry when he throws those jokes out there. Howard asked Artie what he'd do if he had a son and he was a Mets fan. Artie said that he'd probably put cigarettes out on him if he was a Mets fan. He was just joking of course.
A caller asked if he could win tickets to see Artie doing the Pat Cooper roast. Howard didn't have any to give away so he gave him a copy of Halo 3 instead. The guy wanted to play a game to win it even though he didn't have to. He asked Artie what hotel franchise The Who was banned from. Holiday Inn was the answer but Artie didn't know the answer. Howard didn't get the question so Fred had to explain it to him. Howard said that's fucked up anyway and they should have been banned for trashing rooms and stuff. He said that he won't listen to The Who just based on that story alone. He said that the Holiday Inn didn't do anything wrong to them and they can't just trash rooms for no reason.
Howard thought that the caller was going to request that he sing that song that he played yesterday about Beth. Howard went into the song and sang it for the caller. He knew the lyrics a little better today. He said the song was still awful though. He played the original version by the guy who wrote it. He had a whiny little voice according to Howard.
Howard Meets Johnny The Armless Midget. 09/27/07. 6:25am
Gary came in and told Howard that the armless midget was signing the release with his feet. He also put his hat on with his feet. Howard gave the caller his prize and said that this armless midget has peaked his interest. He showed up a short time later. His name was Johnny Monteleoni. Howard got right to him when he came in. Howard said that it has to be a pain in the ass having no arms and being a midget. Johnny said that his mother was exposed to some fumes where she was working and that's what did that to him. He said that he's technically a dwarf and not a midget. He said that he doesn't use that midget word himself.
Johnny told Howard that he has one arm that's bent at a weird angle. Howard wondered how he wipes his ass. Johnny said he has to ball up the paper and drag his ass on the ground to wipe it. He wasn't kidding either. The guy also said that when he blows a load he can't clean it up so he just leaves it.
Johnny told a story about taking advantage of a woman one time and the guys were kind of surprised that he could do such a thing. Howard had him taking his hat off and putting it back on with his feet. Johnny said that he wore the Mets hat just to get Artie to go off on him but he was being quiet over there.
Howard asked Johnny if he gets angry when people who are pretty normal kill themselves. Johnny said he doesn't know what kind of problems they have in their lives so he can't really say anything against that. Artie asked Johnny how old he is because he doesn't look that old. Johnny said he's 29 years old.
Howard asked Johnny about this chick he had. Johnny said that he didn't rape her or anything. He said that he felt kind of bad and he didn't want to leave a load inside of her. He said that he actually wasn't able to finish with her. Johnny said that he's not gay but his life would be different if he was. He said that he has gay guys come on to him and they don't seem to have the same issues that women do.
Howard asked Johnny about who takes his clothes off for him and stuff like that. Johnny said that he does all of that stuff himself. He said he's able to flex enough to do all of that himself. He kept mentioning that he has jokes that he's written about this stuff so Artie asked him if he wanted to do a gig with him. He said he'd give him a job. Johnny didn't answer him.
Johnny told Howard that he does his own shaving with his feet and brushes his teeth with his feet. He said he can even pick his nose with his feet. Howard wanted to see that so he asked him to do it. He sat down and picked his nose real quick. Johnny said that's easy. The wiping of his ass isn't so easy and he tries not to do that in public. He seemed to have a very positive attitude though and seems to be happy that he's alive.
Howard asked Johnny about the chick he was with and what position they did it in. Johnny said that they were in a bunch of positions. Howard asked him to show how he drinks water. He said he has a couple of methods of opening the bottle. He uses his teeth at home and out in public he can usually twist it off with a little work. He got the cap off very quickly.
Gary asked Johnny if he worries about getting sick from using his feet so much. Howard said he's probably not worried about that, he's got other things he's more concerned with. Howard had him show how he drinks the water so he demonstrated that very quickly.
Johnny talked about going to school and how when he went to one school the kids didn't goof on him because they were shown a movie about kids who are like him. When he went to another school, where the kids were learning disabled, the kids there goofed on him. He said that there have been people who have threatened to beat him up too. He said just recently there was a guy who threatened to beat him up because he thought he looked like the Taliban.
Johnny talked about his stand-up act and how some people are jealous of him because he has a gimmick. Artie said that those open mic shows are awful.
Johnny told Howard that he plays chess so Howard asked him about that. Johnny said that he's at about a 1400 score but he's been up to 1650. Howard told him to join the site he's on and play against him. Johnny said he wants to play on a free site, not on a pay site like Howard does. He said that it's a scam.
Howard asked Artie if he's really going to give him a gig. Artie said that he'd do it. Johnny said that if Artie wants to sabotage his own comedy show, he'll do it. He told Howard that he had to thank him because he's helped him prepare for this comedy stuff he does.
Howard wrapped up with Johnny and said they'll see him at one of Artie's shows. Johnny said that if they ever want him to do Superfan or screen calls or something, he's up for it. Artie went into a game where he asked ''Who would you rather be, this guy or...?'' He asked if they'd rather be him or High Pitch Eric. The guys talked about how retarded Eric is and how they'd rather be Johnny. Then Jeff the Vomit guy came up. Everyone wanted to be Johnny. Jeff the Drunk's name came up, everyone picked Johnny except for Artie. Artie said that he'd rather be Jeff. They said that this guy can wipe his ass better than Jeff and he doesn't even have any arms. Artie changed his mind and said that he'd rather be Johnny then.
Artie told Johnny that he has a perfect gig for him to do. Johnny said that he's never flown before so he doesn't want to do that. Artie told him he can drive then. He said that flying sucks anyway. He told him he can give him $500 to do this show on October 5th up at the Hampton's Beach Casino up in New Hampshire. Johnny said that if the Mets make it into the Playoffs, he doesn't want to do the gig. He'd rather stay home and watch the game.
Artie was going to give the guy $500 to do the show and he was basically turning it down. He thought that Artie would back him up in this whole thing and he'd get why he wanted to see the Mets in the playoffs. Johnny said he knows that Howard is right but he was trying to get a rise out of Artie.
Artie told Howard that this crowd is going to be a Red Sox crowd so that should be funny. Johnny said that they're not going to hate him, they're going to hate Artie. Howard wrapped up with Johnny and let him go after that. He said they'll find out if he's funny after he does that show up there in New Hampshire.
Howard said he had to take a break and he was going to try and figure out what was on Amy Winehouse's head. He said he's never seen a rat's nest on someone's head like that. He said she's really weird and odd but that song she has is really good. That led to them talking about her father saying that she and her boyfriend have a bad drug problem and they really need to get some help. Howard said that chick is one hard core bitch.
Howard wasn't even looking at a picture of Amy, he was just thinking about her. He said it just popped into his head as he was talking about going to break. He went to break a short time later.
Henry Hill Calls In. 9/27/02. 7:25am
Ex-Mob guy Henry Hill called in this morning to promote his cook book ''The Wiseguy Cookbook: My Favorite Recipes from My Life As a Goodfella to Cooking on the Run.''
Howard mentioned some of the stuff that Henry is famous for including the Lufthansa heist which Henry says was the most successful heist ever. Howard said he saw some movie about that heist and they made it seem like Henry slept with a guy afterward. Henry said he banged a chick with another guy but he didn't do the guy.
Howard asked Henry when he last drank Alcohol. He said the last time he was in New York was the last time he drank. He couldn't come in this morning because he was afraid of blowing his parole.
Howard quickly mentioned Henry's cook book and then took a call from a guy that was in prison with Henry many years ago. This guy Paul said hello to Henry and told Howard what he was in jail for back then. Howard spent a few minutes talking to that guy finding out about the scams they used to run and how they got caught. Paul also said that Henry is taking credit for some of the stuff he did and he's making a movie out of it. Paul said he's also working on a movie about this stuff and he wants Henry to tell the truth from now on. Paul said that Henry has been lying and even during the interview he was laying about being gay. Paul claims that he was the guy in the threesome and he ended up in Henry's mouth during that encounter. Paul went on to make other claims about what Henry has done over the years and it turned pretty nasty. At first it sounded like Paul was going to be nice to Henry but he wound up burying him and telling Howard all kinds of stuff about him. He made Henry sound like a liar and a homosexual.
Howard took a bunch more phone calls and wrapped up the interview a short time later. There were a lot of people who seemed to be happy that someone was saying that Henry was gay.
In the clip Howard took a call from Corey Feldman who wanted to promote his new show ''Dweebs.'' Corey was kind of upset that Howard hadn't had him on the show in a while. Howard said he hasn't had much going on lately so he didn't have him on. He said it's nothing personal.
Howard asked Corey about his new TV show and also about dating Casey Kasem's daughter. Corey said she was sitting there with him actually. Howard asked if she looks like Casey. Corey said she looks nothing like him actually. Howard asked to talk to her. Corey put her on the phone. Her name is Kerri Kasem. Howard asked what she looks like and if Casey dumped her mom. She said he did that about 14 years ago when she was 7. Howard asked if it was traumatic for her. She said it was.
Kerri told Howard that she used to love Howard until he bagged on her dad. Howard said he has to do that because all the guy does is count backwards. She said he's actually a really cool dad. Howard said all the dads who leave are cool because they have to pay. Howard asked how weird it is to see that tall blonde he's with now. Kerri said she's really beautiful and she sees what he sees in her. Howard asked if she hangs out in bathing suits and stuff. Kerri said she doesn't but she does have great clothes. Howard asked if she has that giant knot on her head. Kerri said she stopped wearing that.
Howard did his Casey Kasem impression for Kerri. Howard asked how old she is. She said she's 23. Howard asked what her measurements are. She said she really didn't know. Robin asked what she does for a living. She said she's an actress. Howard asked what she's been in. She said they probably haven't seen her in anything. Howard asked how she met Corey. Kerri said she met him at a supermarket. She said she met him when she was like 12 years old.
Howard asked who had the big breasts in her family. Kerri said her grandmother on her mother's side did. Howard said that's where women inherit them from.
Howard asked how long it took her to sleep with Corey. Kerri said it was about 3 weeks. She said he was really nice and didn't even ask her to sleep with him. She said he did ask her to sleep over though. Howard asked what she looks like. Kerri said she has hair like Cher. She said people tell her that all the time.
Howard asked Kerri if Corey told her about doing queer stuff when he was on drugs. She hadn't heard that. Howard asked how she decided to sleep with him. She said they just decided. She said he's the best lover she's had in her life. She said she hadn't had that many before him though. Howard asked if she's ever had a girl. Kerri said ''no comment'' so Howard took that as a yes. She said she thought she was gay for a while and that happened a long time ago.
Howard asked if she was ever molested. Kerri said she's not sure if she should answer that. Howard asked if t was her family. She said nothing really happened. She didn't want to get into it and told Howard to just move along. Kerri said Howard is very good at this. Howard guessed it was her gym teacher. Kerri told him that he was right on with that. She didn't want to talk about it though. Howard kept digging and found out she was 6 years old at the time. Howard said Robin had that happen too. Kerri said this was her next door neighbor.
Howard said a lot of people are molested so she's not alone. Howard said like 95 percent of people have been molested. Howard kept going with the questioning and Kerri eventually said she had to give the phone back to Corey. Corey got back on and said she was shaking from that call.
Howard asked Corey about his mom living in a trailer. Corey and Howard talked about the story that was in the news where she claimed she was homeless. Corey said she was making claims to make him look like a bad guy. He said that he spends a lot of time with his family and his mom doesn't live in a trailer. He said they bought her a nice hole in the wall. Howard spent a little more time on that and also asking about Kerri before wrapping up and letting Corey go.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:50am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:55am.