|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
|Please help support MarksFriggin.com by using these sites:|
(Sirius, XM merch and more)
(Just about everything)
Playboy Cyber Club
Howard started the show talking about how he was listening to the Wrap Up Show from last week. He said that Tim had confessed to shitting in the bathroom and now the whole world knows. Howard said he didn't know this one story about Ronnie. He played a clip of Ronnie talking about the time he had to crap. Here's my rundown from last Tuesday:
Ronnie said he's had things like this happen to him twice. He said he had one in the car. He said this was a really long time ago. Will said it must be when he was in his 50s. Ronnie said he got this bad attack and it must have happened to Tim too. Ronnie said he knew he was in trouble and it was going to explode. He said he grabbed the NY Times and the Post and threw it on his seat. He said he exploded in his suit and it went through to the newspaper. He said he had to walk from the car on his tiptoes. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Howard said he's never had anything like that happen to him. He said that Tim came up to him last week trying to shake his hand at AGT. Robin said she heard that people were shunning him at AGT because of the story. Howard said they were. Howard played another clip of Jon Leiberman talking about the time he had a shitting issue. Here's my rundown of that clip:
Leiberman said he was a reporter in New Mexico and he had a balloon fiesta that he was covering. He said he was out drinking the night before and they had these home made burritos that morning. He said he was out at 5 in the morning and he felt his insides coming out. Jon said he was interviewing a cop and he ended up throwing out his underwear and socks in the port-a-potty. He said he thought he was clean and he got back in the live truck and the camera woman, Lynn French, asks what the brown on his ankle is. Jon said he had to come clean to her and she got on the phone to the station and everyone there was laughing. Jon said it was a mess.
After that clip Howard said Sal kind of made a good point about Tim maybe having ADD or something because he just moves on to the next thing without thinking. Howard said the whole thing has inspired so many songs. He said he can't even play all of them for Robin. Howard played one by Little Mikey. Mikey sang to the tune of The Ramones ''I Wanna Be Sedated'' and made it ''Tim Just Defecated.''
Howard said this has to be Tim's worst nightmare. Gary said it is. Robin said it won't go away either. It's just going to keep growing. Howard said of course it is. He said he shit all over the wall and got it on the light switch. He said he couldn't replicate that if he tried. He said that the spray was just crazy. He said he loves the explanation Tim has because it's still not clear where his ass was when he shit. Robin said even Tim doesn't know.
Howard played more song parodies about Tim's shit. He had one from the Bleeding Deacons, Eli Braden, a second one by the Bleeding Deacons and more. Robin was cracking up at the songs. She said that is wild.
Howard said they did some man on the street interviews too. Sal and Richard went out and asked some people who they would handle it if they had the shit problem. They had some people talking about their shit stories. Some of the guys were saying that they back Tim up with what he did. The guys were black that they were interviewing and they had some interesting theories about why he wanted that shit out of him.
Howard said he's not done talking about this with Tim. Gary said Tim is destroyed over this. He said he was upset that they spent too much time on it on Superfan Roundtable on Wednesday night. Howard said this is the craziest thing ever. He said he wouldn't have left that bathroom until every bit of evidence was gone. Howard said it's just crazy.
Howard said Sal and Richard went out on the street and asked people if they think Howard Stern or the Colorado shooter is worse. He said he didn't do so well. Howard said they may have been in the same place as the Tim Sabean people.
Howard played one clip of a woman talking about how awful Howard Stern is and how he's the same as the Colorado shooter. Howard said he just talks and that doesn't kill anyone. The woman was saying that Howard is too negative and the talks too much nasty stuff. She said that Howard is the one who goes around passing wind on the stage. Howard said at least he wasn't worse than the shooter.
Howard played another clip where the guy said the shooter was worse and that he likes Howard. Another guy said they should get rid of that Colorado son of a bitch. One guy said that Howard Stern is worse than the shooter. He said that words do hurt and he is worse than the shooter. He said Howard has shot down a lot of careers. Howard asked what is going on with that.
Howard replayed one of the Tim song parodies. Robin said they should play ''Shit Man'' every time Tim comes into the studio. Howard said he should get some kind of punishment.
Robin asked how the bathroom is today. Howard asked Gary for an update. Gary said that he's going to send Jon Leiberman in there because it's still not well. Howard said it's ruined.
Leiberman came in and told Howard that it stained the wall so much that it will take an intense cleaning. He said it might take bleach. He said there is still residue on the railing. He said it's the handicap rail and he may have grasped the rail to hold himself while he was having this attack. He said that if you look at the railing you can see that it's not rust, it's feces. He said that's how bad it was in there. Robin said they need a crime scene clean up team in there.
The Howard TV guys were showing what it looks like in there. Leiberman said he wants to be sure he doesn't get fired for continuing to cover this. Howard said he's safe. Robin said they have to get a guy in there and find out how they can get this cleaned.
Howard asked Jon if he has been pressured not to cover this story. Jon said he has not. He said he has the surveillance footage from the hall and you can see him entering the kitchen outside the compound at 8:14. He said he spends 41 seconds in there and then he talks to Ronnie and some other guys and then goes to the bathroom after he went to the kitchen. He said the facts show he didn't appear to be in any rush or in any distress. He said Tim claims he was in a rush.
Jon said that Tim spent about 7 minutes in the bathroom and then he comes out and talks to Gregg Karmel for a minute and then comes into the compound. He said Tim has this look on his face and then rushes out of the compound. He said they have a shot at 8:24 and you see Tim sweating and his shirt unbuttoned more than usual. He also pats a Sirius XM employee on the shoulder and he's walking with a waddle as if he had shit in his pants.
Jon said they found some shit stains near where you swipe the key card too. He said that he may have had shit on his hand before he went into the bathroom. Jon said the trail ends there.
Jon said that they are still trying to find out how explosive this shit was. Howard said he's curious about where his asshole was because the spray is insane on that. Jon said he must have had it come on very quickly and he may have erupted before he got close to the bowl. Howard laughed at that. Jon said the splatter on the walls was like they were painted with feces. He said it looked like he was trying to send a message to someone.
Howard said maybe he laid on the floor like a volcano. Robin was cracking up at that description. Jon said he thinks that he was trying to get to the toilet and didn't quite make it there. Jon said there are a lot of unanswered questions and the criminal process is not over yet. Jon said he could come back in a month and tell them that he didn't do it and he did it just to keep the pressure off someone else. Howard said he doesn't think he'll do that.
Howard said this is probably good for Jon to know. He said he has contacted a woman who is an expert in toilet training and she's going to teach Tim how to shit properly. Robin said they may have to see Tim's home. Howard said he probably just shits all over his house. Howard said they were talking about it all weekend. He said it was like a murder mystery.
Jon said that this is like Watergate based on how people were going over it online. Howard said they have to teach Tim how to clean up his shit properly. Howard said they have to paint that bathroom. Jon said the key swipes have drastically reduced since that incident. Howard said if you have to do something embarrassing you should go somewhere else. He said they should make that bathroom Tim's office.
Howard asked if this is one of the biggest stories that Jon has covered there. Jon said it is because of the layers and how high up it goes. He said the cover up is worse than the crime though. He said he does know that Tim wants it to go away. He said people at AGT didn't want to shake his hand. He said Howard was giving him a hard time there too. Robin said she dealt with him but it was only by phone. Howard said he does admire that he came forward. Jon said he felt the pressure and he did the right thing.
Gary said he tried to get Tim in there but Tim said he's done with this bullshit and he won't come in. Howard said he's trying to put an end to it. He said if he comes in he can end it. He knows Tim is going to tell him that it has to end but he doesn't want to hear that off the air. Howard said he made his shit and now he has to lie in it.
Jon said he had his shit incident in 1997. He said he remembers the date of that incident. He said he has moved on since then. Howard asked Jon if he's happy being a reporter. Jon said he is. He said he loves unraveling the mysteries. Jon said he has never seen any place like this place. Howard thanked Jon for coming in and let him go. Howard said people respect him now that he's covered this story. It's put him on the map.
Robin said that people ask her what he looks like because the last guy, whose name she forgot, was kind of creepy. Howard said they had to take a break but he played a new theme song for him and said that it's Jon's 1 year anniversary working for the show. They played a ''Happy Anniversary'' song for him and then went to break.
Howard came back and took a call from Ass Napkin Ed who said that he wants to know what his agenda is with the security guards keeping him out of AGT in Newark. Ed said they don't like Howard but he won't say how he knows that. Howard said he doesn't think that them throwing him out means they don't like him. Howard said he has seen his behavior before and he knows how he acts at these events. Ed said he was on drugs.
Ronnie came in and said that they're under the impression that Howard will be upset if they boot these people. Howard said he won't care. Ronnie said Ed was drunk off his ass and he was outside humping his girl and pretending to get his girlfriend. He said they have all of this on video. Ed said Ronnie is an asshole. Howard asked why he's surprised he gets thrown out when he acts like a jerk. Ed said Ronnie is an asshole and he's lying. Ronnie said the video is all over YouTube already. He said it was all over the place this weekend.
Howard said Ed is the only one who gets thrown out. Howard said he's like a baby and he has to have all of the attention. He said it's not Ed's night. He said it's a show. Ed said he has his girlfriend, Jasmine, on the phone too. Howard said he doesn't care about Jasmine. Howard said he got thrown out because he's an imbecile.
Howard said it's turned into this whole thing. He said there are all kinds of stories in the news about it. He played a clip of one reporter talking about Sharon's tweet and how it was directed at Howard Stern. One of the reporters asked if she can imagine what it would be like working with Howard Stern with that big ego.
Howard said this was an NBC station he just played. He said that ABC and CBS do all kinds of weird reports about him and now the NBC reporters are doing it too. Howard played another report from an ABC news report and the reporter blamed him for making Sharon quit.
Howard played a couple more clips where reporters were talking about the tweet and making up stories about how there is bad blood between Howard and Sharon. Howard said there is no bad blood and Sharon has told reporters that they are very good friends. Howard said that Sharon has credited him with giving her the idea to do a talk show. He said this whole thing is absurd.
Howard said that was an ABC station that he had just played. He said he heard that the NBC affiliates are told to be nice to him but ABC and CBS can go after him and make up stories. Howard said they just make up rumors about Sharon being mad at him.
Howard said that they make fun of FOX news for having this agenda but the other networks aren't any different. Howard said it's really distressing to him. He said you have to go for the facts and not for a smear campaign. Howard said that's exactly what this is. He said that they don't ask Sharon if there is bad blood. They just make it up.
Robin said she saw Good Morning America do a whole in depth story about Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Howard said it's crazy how much they're getting into it.
Howard said they meet the press on Wednesdays after AGT. Howard said they just go on and on with the questions after the show. Howard said they ask about the Robert Pattinson stuff and don't even broadcast what he says about AGT. Howard said he just wants to go home after the show but he has to stick around. Howard said if they want to hear what he has to say about Robert Pattinson then they should tune into his radio show.
Howard said they asked him about Tom Cruise at one of these press events. Howard said he'll just say stuff to sound interesting. Howard said they asked him about Kristen Stewart and he said that she's 22 years old and that's what you're supposed to do at 22. Howard said the guy she was cheating with is a married guy and he's the one who is really doing wrong. Howard said a 22 year old should be dating, not marrying anyone. Howard said when you're that age you should get out and experience other people. He said you do have to like the guy you're with.
Howard said he knew something was up with Kristen. He said he saw her almost smiling the other day. Howard said a 22 year old doesn't understand what marriage is. Howard said it's the greatest thing to ever happen to her.
Howard said someone sent him a video of a chubby young lady on the web and she's very upset about the Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson break up. Howard played some of the audio and she was crying as she was talking about how she didn't want it to be real. Howard said you can tell she's never had a boyfriend. Robin said it must have been her fantasy relationship. In the clip the girl was talking about how this is no one's business to talk about. Robin and Howard wondered why this girl is talking about it then.
Howard let the clip play and the girl was saying that they have to leave them alone and stop bothering them. Howard said it's like she was forced to make that video. Howard said she needs help.
Howard played more audio of the girl talking about Kristen and Robert. She read the statement that Kristen put out about the cheating.
JD said this girl is obsessed with the Twilight thing. He said that she talks about the movies and she breaks down crying over them. Howard said he doesn't feel that deeply about the people he loves. This girl is really obsessed.
Howard played more audio of the girl breaking down and crying over the whole thing. Howard wondered what it would be like to be in this girl's life. He said that it must be crazy. He let the audio play and the girl was saying that they just have to leave them alone. Howard said she's the one not leaving them alone. Howard said she must live with her parents. Robin said these are the basement tapes. Howard said they must knock on her door asking if she's going to get a job today.
Howard said he has to take another break because Will the Farter is there. He said that his mom is there with him and they're going to play a game where he may have to fart on his mom's head. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said there was a guy at the Olympics who Baba Booey'd. He said his name is Jake Herbert. Howard played the audio of him yelling out ''Baba Booey'' as he walked by the camera. Howard said he's an American hero.
Howard had Jake on the phone and asked why he's in Russia right now. Jake said that he's training there and they'll be going back to England when it's time to do their thing there. Howard said he knows that wrestling is hard and they used to have to do it naked when they started the Olympics.
Howard asked Jake how he thinks he's going to do and if he thinks he can bring home the gold. Jake said he thinks he can do it and he'll be doing it for the Howard Stern Show. He said that's the ultimate goal.
Howard said that it might be one of the greatest Baba Booey mentions ever. Jake said he and his roommate have been thinking about how to get on the show for years and this was a great way to do it. Howard asked if he got into any trouble over it. Jake said he didn't. Robin asked how he got it on there. Howard said he was walking by the camera and he just yelled it out. Howard said he got the gold for Baba Booey. He said he'll get a Howard Stern gold medal.
Howard asked jake about wrestling and sex and if he has to abstain from sex. Jake said he's the opposite of Muhammad Ali. He said he likes to do it before he's out on the mat. He said he tries to keep it regular. Howard said he thinks it's an old wives tale that you have to abstain.
Howard asked how old Jake is. He said he's 27 and this might be his final time in the Olympics. He said he has to get his shoulder operated on and he may move to something else. Howard asked how he makes a living. Jake said he has a degree from North Western so he may use that somehow. He said he has a wrestling club that he wrestles for and he makes money doing that. He said he also gets money from being an Olympic wrestler. He said if he gets a gold medal then he can win $250,000. He said that would drop to $50,000 if he gets a Silver.
Howard asked if he has ever crapped himself from exerting himself. Jake said it can happen. He said that he tries not to eat before a match. He said he'll end up not eating for a couple of days before the match. He said he'll eat a ton after the match.
Howard asked Jake about shitting his pants. Jake said he sharted when he was in college. He said he did it right before the match and he knows he may have gotten some shit on the guy's face. He said he felt bad about that.
Howard said Gary used to wrestle and you have to be really strong. Jake said he once did 55 pull ups. He doesn't bench press because of his shoulder. Jake said that he lost it when they had the girls in there to do the World's Strongest Stripper thing and they were doing 5. Howard said that's impressive he can do 55. Howard said he does 14 and he thinks he's a hero.
Jake said he'd like to get Howard to do some training with him. Howard said it's over for him. He said he's an old fart. Jake said he's America's Judge though. Howard said he knows that. Howard told Jake to come in and see them and they'll talk more about the wrestling thing. He said he'd love to hear more about it.
Howard told Jake to try and get a Baba Booey in during his match. Jake laughed. He said he'll do what he can. He said maybe he'll Booey his way through the whole thing. Jake said he won't know who he's wrestling until they weigh in. Howard asked if he gets nervous. Jake said he does but he should be fine. He said it's just 4 matches for a gold medal.
Howard asked if he studies martial arts. Jake said he doesn't. He said he just does the wrestling thing. Howard said if he knew some of that Jujitsu stuff he might be able to take the guys down really fast. Jake said that he has some moves and he's able to take some guys down really fast.
Howard told Jake to come in and keep up with the Baba Booey thing. Jake said he wants to get in 69 of them. That's his goal. Howard thanked him and let him go.
Howard asked Will how he's doing and if he's still in the sex industry. Will said he kind of is. His mom didn't know anything about that. Howard said that he's known as Brutal Master. Howard told him to tell her what he does. Will said that's not something you tell your mother. Howard said she wants to know. Will said he's not going to tell her. Howard said she can brag to her friends if she knows what he does. Howard said he heard he made over 100 grand last year being Brutal Master. Will denied that. Howard said that's what he heard.
Howard said Will tried to get on AGT but he didn't make it. Will said he had to leave when they asked him to stick around but he had to go to Atlantic City. He said they were on a short time schedule. Howard said he should have stuck around. He could have gotten on AGT. Howard said he can hang out in Atlantic City anytime.
Howard asked Priscilla what she thinks Brutal Master is. She said she doesn't want to know. Howard asked Priscilla if Will ever sees his father. She said she just saw him recently. She said they were supposed to get a divorce but it may not have gone through.
Howard asked who had the farting abilities in the family. Priscilla said that his father did. She said that he once grabbed her face with his legs and locked her head in there and farted on her. Howard asked Will if he knew that. Will said that's the first time he's heard that.
Howard asked Will to give them a blast. Will sucked in some air through his ass and let out a long blast. Priscilla said it stinks.
Howard gave Will some plugs for XTube.com where you can see him. Will said he's on this porn site for no good reason. He didn't want his mom to know what he odes.
Howard said Priscilla has a chance to win some money. He said they're doing $100 per question and if she gets one wrong then Will is going to blast in her face. Howard said Will was still going with the farting. Howard asked Priscilla if she can get on the floor to get farted on. She said she can do that.
Howard asked Priscilla how far she got in school. She said she didn't graduate High School because she had to take care of her family. She said she dropped out in like 7th or 8th grade.
Howard asked Priscilla ''Spell Potatoes.'' Priscilla asked him not to do that one. She spelled it ''POTATOSC.'' She told Will to fart on her right after trying. Priscilla said that Will is the one who did that. Will asked what he did. Priscilla said that he knows what he did. She said he's in trouble.
Howard had Priscilla lay down so Will could fart on her. She did that and Will got over her face and farted on it. Howard was laughing really hard because Will grabbed her face and stuck it in there.
Priscilla asked where the woman was whose voice she was hearing. Howard pointed her out, even though she wasn't there, and Will Murray said that she was told, before she came in, that Robin wasn't there.
Howard asked Priscilla what 10 percent of 300 was. Priscilla said that if she was home she could do all of this. She said she's brainwashed. Howard said she has to do this or Will is going to blast her in the face again. Priscilla said that her answer is 10. She said she wasn't prepared for this. She said that she was told it would be questions like Jeopardy questions. Howard said he's trying to make this as easy as possible. Howard said he'll give her a Jeopardy question but it's not going to be this easy.
Howard told Priscilla to get down and get farted on again. She did her thing and Will hurt himself grabbing her head again.
Howard said he'll give Priscilla a Jeopardy like question. He asked her where the Nile River is. She said it's in Egypt. She just earned $100. Howard asked Priscilla ''How many people are in a Quartet>?'' She said it's four. Will said he's never even heard of that before.
Howard asked ''Who is the first ex-movie actor is that became President of the United States?'' Priscilla knew it was Ronald Reagan.
Howard asked ''What is an MVP (in sports)?'' Priscilla said it's the announcer. Howard said he smells a gaseous eruption coming. He said that it's Most Valuable Player. Priscilla said she doesn't watch a lot of sports. Howard had her get right in there again. Will farted on her once again and everyone was cracking up. Robin said she was almost rolling over on his head.
Howard gave Steven Singer Jewelers a plug and then moved on to the next question. Howard asked ''Name the force that keeps our feet on the ground as we walk.'' She said ''Static.'' Howard asked if that was her final answer. She said it wasn't her final answer. Priscilla said that it was weight. Howard said she's wrong and it's gravity. She had to get farted on once again. Will blasted her a few times. Howard was laughing through that. Howard said Priscilla almost vomited.
Howard asked ''Adolph Hitler was the leader of what country?'' She knew it was Germany. Howard asked her to complete ''Four Score and Seven...'' She said ''Innings.'' Howard said it's ''Years ago.'' Priscilla had to get farted on again. Will blasted her in the face again. Howard said Will grabs her head an shoves it right in there.
Howard asked ''What is H2O?'' Priscilla had no idea. She said that she's heard of it but she didn't know. Howard told her it's water. She had to get farted on again. Will blasted her in the face again and Priscilla said that was brutal. Howard said that was the wettest one. Will said he gave her some H2O with that one.
Howard said he's going to try and give her an easy one. He asked who the first president of the United States was. She said it was ''Warshington.'' Howard took it since it was close enough.
Howard asked what state San Diego is in. She knew it was California. Howard said she just won another $100. Howard asked her ''What time is it in New York if it's noon in Boston.'' Priscilla thought that Boston was 3 hours off so it was 9. Then she said 8. Howard said if it's noon in Boston then it's Noon in New York. Priscilla said she was thinking of another state. Howard had Will the Farter blast his mom in the face once again. He let out a few good ones. Howard and Robin were cracking up.
Howard said he's going to go for a final question and make it a $400 question so she can win the full $1000. Howard asked ''Spell Dumb.'' She spelled it correctly. Howard gave her the full $1000 thanks to Steven Singer Jewelers.
Howard said that Priscilla has to be proud of her son. Howard asked if they were going to split the money. will said he's going to let her keep it all. Howard said that's very nice. He said he has a rare gift being able to fart like that. Priscilla said she's very proud of him but she never tells anyone that. Howard said it's a shame she has to live privately about that. Howard said the police are waiting to take a statement about what her son just did to her.
Howard said the Howard TV guys had an instant replay of what Will just did. They were all watching that and laughing. Howard asked Priscilla what she's going to do with the money. She said she's saving it for a face job. Howard said she shouldn't do it. Howard said she's beautiful as she is. Howard said she doesn't really need it. Howard said a lot of women get it and they look fake. Howard said for $1000 she's not going to get what she wants either.
Howard said when you see this on Howard TV you're going to love it. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said this has been an exciting morning. Robin said she can't get over what she just saw. She said that Will rolled over on his mom's head to make sure she got a blast. Howard said that was pretty funny.
Howard played a couple of quick song parodies about the farting thing that were already made. He said he's very excited about this next guest. He said it's Tiffani Thiessen. Howard said she dropped the Amber.
Howard said he used to beat off to Tiffani all the time when she was on 90210. Howard said he didn't do that when she was on Saved by the Bell. Howard asked if she was a good looking kid. Tiffani said she was about 8 when she got into it. She said she wasn't forced into it either. She was doing modeling at 8. She said she would do it after school and she stayed in school. Howard asked if she was popular in school. She said she really wasn't. Howard asked why she wasn't popular. She said she had just one friend. Tiffani said she missed a lot of school so she wasn't there a lot to connect with the other kids.
Howard asked how old she was when she got Saved by the Bell. She said she was 15. Howard asked if that was big bucks. She said it wasn't really. Howard asked how many years she was on that show. Tiffani said they were on 4 years on Saturday morning. She said they got canceled after half a season during prime time. Tiffani said that they got crappy money. Howard said she wanted a break so that's why she did it. Tiffani said she did want that break.
Howard asked about her moving out of the house at 16. She said she was 17, almost 18 when she moved out. She said that she didn't do the emancipation thing. She said she didn't want to drive from Long Beach to Los Angeles every day. That's why she moved. Tiffani said her dad taught her how to shoot a gun before she moved out.
Howard asked Tiffani if she would let her 17 year old move out. She said she probably wouldn't. She said they're different times now.
Howard asked Tiffani if she ever did drugs. She said she never did. She said that she did have a boyfriend who was 5 years older than her when she was 17. She said that he was with her a few years before that. She said the guy was 19 and she was 14. Tiffani said she was dancing a lot as another passion of her's. She said it wasn't stripping dancing but she was doing all kinds of dancing.
Howard asked Tiffani if she's sorry she lost her virginity at 14. Tiffani said she tries not to have a lot of regrets. She said the guy was a lovely guy. She said she has really fond memories of the guy and his family. She said both of their families were very close. She said that Saved by the Bell was a great experience too. Howard asked if she felt the pressure to learn her lines and stuff. She said it wasn't that bad. She said they did 4 days of rehearsal before shooting the show. She said that it's not like other shows when you do a sitcom.
Howard said that it's a miracle that Tiffani's father didn't shoot that older guy when he found out that he was banging her. Howard said if he knew a 19 or 20 year old was banging his 14 year old he would call the police. Howard said she wasn't protected by her parents. Tiffani said that she really was. She said that it wasn't like Howard's making it out to be.
Howard said there was dirt on Saved by the Bell and Dustin Diamond blasts her and the other people on the show. Tiffani said that she never runs into him at all. She said he lives in Wyoming or somewhere like that. Howard asked if she gets offended when she hears what he says. She said that she doesn't pay attention to it. Howard said he claims that she banged everyone on the show but him. Tiffani said she had a boyfriend at the time so she wasn't doing that. Howard asked why he would do that to her. Tiffani said that if you ignore it it'll just go away and no one is listening to him. Howard said he was listening to him when he was in there. Howard said he was painting her out to be a slut. Tiffani said it doesn't bother her at all. She said he had a very hard childhood and he didn't have a great relationship with his father and his mother passed away when he was young. She said that Dustin stayed with her and her family a few times so it's really sad that he's doing that. She said that she does feel sorry for him.
Howard asked if she would say something to him if she ran into him. She said she's not sure she would talk to him. She said it depends on her mood.
Howard asked if she had a good time doing that show. She said she did and she still talks to some of the cast. She said that she would want her daughter to wait a little longer before she get into show business if she does get into it. Howard said she has had quite a long career. He said she's worked pretty constantly. She was on 90210 and she's on a show now that's been on for 4 years. Tiffani said that she's a working actress and she's able to pay her bills so she's doing okay. She said she isn't sure if she's a millionaire. She said it depends on the year. She said she has nice cars and a nice home so she's done well. She said she's done well and she's proud of that.
Howard asked if she dated a lot of famous dudes. Tiffani said she dated Brian Austin Green for a while. She said that he's a great guy. She said that she lived with him for a little over 3 years. Howard asked why she dumped him. Tiffani said she was dating him before she got on 90210 and then she got on the show and it was hard to work with him and keep the relationship going.
Howard said Luke Perry left 90210 and that was a huge mistake. Howard asked if Tiffani laughed at him about that. She said that you live and learn. Howard asked if she ever made love to him. She said that he was married so she would never do that. She said she's never been with a married man. Howard said Dustin Diamond told him that she was with everyone. Howard said he figured she'd sue him over that. Howard said he would do that. Tiffani said he has no money so what would she make?
Howard asked if Brian is big in the pants. She said he'll have to ask Megan Fox that. Howard asked if she talks to him at all. Tiffani said that she emails him like once a year. She said it might be longer than that now.
Howard said that Tiffani was friends with Jennie Garth and now she doesn't talk to her. Tiffani said she came in and replaced Shannen Doherty and it was probably hard for the other girls on the show. She said that the guys were very nice to her. She said that the girls weren't all so nice. She said they weren't easy. She said it wasn't all of the girls though. She said Tori Spelling is fine and their kids go to the same school now.
Howard asked if it's true that she stopped talking to Tori after she married this guy Dean. She said that she did. She said that they were friends with her first husband and they were very close to him. She said it was very hard. Howard asked if she sided with the husband. Tiffani said that she thought that the whole situation was handled wrong. Howard asked how it was handled wrong. Tiffani said that's her business. Tiffani said they weren't talking that much anyway. Tiffani said that all of her friends now aren't in the business. She said actresses are hard to be friends with.
Howard asked if Tiffani thinks that Tori was jealous of her looks. Tiffani said she doesn't think it was that. She said they have moved beyond all of that now and Tori is great now and she's happy for her.
Howard asked Tiffani about getting on 90210 and then the girls got on and treated her like an asshole. She said they are honest about it now and she can say that is true. Tiffani said that the other girls would make her change if she had something nice on. She said that she wouldn't cry over it when they did that to her though.
Howard said there must be pressure when you're on the set and you have people treating you like that. Tiffani said that Jennie eventually came to her and apologized. She said that she became really close to her and was there when she gave birth to her first child. She said that she filmed the birth for her husband who wasn't there. Howard asked what happened to the relationship. Tiffani said that she was the one who was hurt and that's all she'll say about it. She said it was so long ago that she didn't even want to get into it. She said it was water under the bridge now. She said that she has seen Jennie a few times since then and she's just moved on since then. Howard asked what she could have done that upset her so much. Tiffani said it's kind of silly in the sense that it happened but there were reasons why it happened and it shed light on the friendship they had and that they didn't need it anymore. Howard asked if she blocked her from a job. She said it wasn't' that. She wasn't going to tell Howard what happened. Howard tried guessing but he wasn't getting it.
Tiffani said it's really not about what happened. It was more about shedding light on what their relationship was and how they were in different places. Howard said he wants to know what it was. She said there are so many other things they could talk about. She said it's really water under the bridge for her and she has a lot of thanks for her. She said that Jennie introduced her to her husband. Howard said that's wild. Robin said some people do outgrow each other. Robin figured it out and Tiffani said that she had it right. Howard said he has no idea what Robin just said.
Howard asked Tiffani what her husband's name is. She said it's Brady and he's a painter and an actor. She said he's very talented. She said that he has a new show there in New York with his art. Howard saw a picture of Brady and their daughter. Howard said the whole family is good looking. Howard asked if he's ever painted a picture that says ''I hate Jennie'' on it and given it to her. She said they don't even talk about that.
Howard asked if she dated Ryan Seacrest at some point. She said they did briefly. Howard said he thinks that he's gay. Howard said if he didn't have sex with her then he's gay. Tiffani said that they just kind of hung out and didn't really date. She said it was big trips with other people. Howard said he's heard stories about Ryan laying in bed and not having sex with girls. Howard said that Tiffani is a very good looking woman and she's got a body that doesn't quit. Howard said he finds it hard to believe that Ryan didn't want to have sex with her. She said they weren't really dating. They were just hanging out together on trips with other people. She said he didn't put any moves on her. She said he's not really her type. Howard said he has accused Ryan of having a mixed sexuality but he swears he's straight.
Howard said that Tiffani was engaged to a guy and Sarah Michelle Gellar stole all of her wedding ideas from her and that's why she broke up wit that guy. Tiffani said that is not true. She said that she's friends with Sarah and that's just not true.
Howard said Tiffani has a show called ''White Collar'' on the USA Network. She said she does and it's been on for 4 seasons. She told Howard about the show and Howard asked if she's ever done nudity. Tiffani said she hasn't really. She did the pasty thing in the tub but she hasn't done full nude. Howard asked if she'd do Playboy. She said she won't say she'll never do Playboy but she hasn't done it yet. She said it's just not for her.
Howard asked Tiffani if she's voting for Obama or Romney. She said she thinks she's going to vote Obama. She said that her whole family is republican and they just don't talk about that stuff when they get together.
Howard said Pauly Shore was on the show once and claimed he had sex with her. She got upset with him over that. Howard said Pauly gets in everyone's pants. Howard said he's not sure about now but he used to. Howard asked if he's a great lover. Tiffani said she doesn't know. She said that he never had sex with her. Howard asked why he would claim that he had. Tiffani said they kissed in the movie they were in together. That was ''Son in Law'' and Howard said he liked that movie. Howard asked how far he got with her. She said the movie was as far as they got.
Howard said he pictures Tiffani as being very active in bed. Tiffani said she might be. Howard asked if she's open to all kinds of love. She said she has done a lot for her husband. Howard asked if they will have more kids. She said she'll have another one before she gets too old. Howard asked if she's had a threesome. She said she hasn't. She said she hasn't kissed another woman in her personal life. Tiffani said she can't imagine living with one and having sex with one.
Howard summed up what they learned today. He said that Tiffani looks great and she's still got a great body. She said it's not bad for having a kid. Howard said that Dustin Diamond said that Dustin Diamond claimed that she had a weight problem when she was on Saved by the Bell. She said that's just not true because she didn't have problems until she was a woman. She was a child on that show and she was skinny as a rail on that show.
Howard asked Tiffani who she hates more, Dustin or Jennie. Tiffani said hate is a harsh word. Howard asked who she would save if Dustin and Jennie were drowning. She said she would save Jennie. Howard said she could save the human race if she had sex with Dustin. She said that's just what she wants to do. She said that game was very easy.
Howard asked if she ever had a weight issue. She said she did but she worked out to get the weight off. Howard asked Tiffani if she would ever do Dancing with the Stars. She said that she's a working actor right now so she has no reason to do it. Howard said she would probably win because she's a good dancer. Tiffani said that she could have a good shot but she's not guaranteed the win.
Howard asked Tiffani if she had Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling on the island where she'd have to save one. She said she'd have to pick Tori because she has one more kid than Jennie. Tiffani said she really has no issue with Tori now. She said that they get along just fine. Howard asked if she'd save Tori over Octomom. She said that she'd stick with Tori there too.
Howard said Tori is the oddest girl because she has alienated her family and that family has so much money. Tiffani said that she's doing just fine now. She said that she doesn't think that they were thinking about the money. Howard asked if her implants are too big. Tiffani said that she's been pregnant for the last 5 years so it's hard to say that. She said that her own boobs were too big when she was nursing so she can't say that.
Howard gave Tiffani a plug for her TV show and said she will be almost nude and at strip clubs all the time. He took a call from a guy who said that he's been a fan of her's for a long time and asked if Mr. Belding tried to hit on her. Tiffani said he never did.
Tiffani said that Tiffani sounds just like Maria Menounos and she wondered if she's related to her. Tiffani said she's not but she is her neighbor. Mariann said that they have that same twang. Howard had to cut her off when she was going on too long.
Howard asked Tiffani if she thinks that Maria is doing wrong by hanging out with this guy she was on Dancing with the Stars with. She said she's not sure about that. She didn't know all of the details but she said it seems to be working just fine for Maria and Kevin.
Another caller asked about how she gave birth to her child. Tiffani said that she had to have a C-section because the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. She said she has s small scar there now.
Howard asked Tiffani if she would save Pauly Shore or Dustin Diamond on that island. She said that she might just swim to the island herself and let both of them go. Then she said she would probably pick Pauly but she doesn't have relationships with either of them so she's not sure.
A caller asked if she has any idea how many guys have whacked off to her around the world. She said she has been told a few times.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he met Tiffani when she was Miss Junior America. She said that was a very long time ago. She said she only did a few of those. The caller said he used to be pen pals with her. She said she wants to say she remembers that but she really doesn't. She said that after she had her child her brain was fried.
King of All Blacks said that it sounds like she has the prettiest feet. Howard asked to take a look. She said she has nice feet actually. Howard said they're more beautiful than his. Robin said King was right. King said he would smell them gently and then he would rub up against them with his joint. Tiffani said that those fetishes are so funny. King said he likes them when they're musky smelling. He said he doesn't like them clean.
Howard said that he heard Tiffani got a nude picture of a famous baseball player. She said that he's very famous too. She said that she wasn't a fan of it. She said he's not really a fan of that though. She said he's hung okay but that's not her thing. She gave the picture to her gay best friend instead. Howard asked for a team. She said he won't do that because then they'll figure it out.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Tiffani was ever spanked and if she likes being spanked now. She said she was spanked once as a child for something she did wrong. She said it was with a switch that she had to go pick out herself. She said it was done just that once though. Howard asked if she gets spanked now. She said she doesn't and she never has. She said that none of the guys she went out with spanked her. Robin said the stupid thing is that parents send a kid out to get a switch and they bring back a good stick to get hit with. Tiffani said that you just want to get it over with.
Howard asked Tiffani if she would ever hit her kid with a switch. She said that she would never do that. She said there are other ways that are more constructive. He said that years ago it was the way they did things. Howard asked if she would let her daughter be in a beauty pageant. Tiffani said she would not. She said that things have changed.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if John Stamos or Scott Baio ever tried to get in her pants. She said they never did. She worked with Baio too. She said she wouldn't have let Baio get into her pants. She said he wasn't her thing. Howard said he likes that she doesn't like pretty boys. She said she was on Charles in Charge for two episodes. She said he didn't even try with her.
Howard asked Tiffani who she finds attractive. She said she likes this guy Mike Rowe who has a show called ''Dirty Jobs.'' She said her husband knows about that too.
Another caller said that Tiffani is a classy woman and it's great to hear that. He said that she's keeping it classy during the interview and that's great to hear.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he went to middle school with her and she was such a slut back then. He said that they went to he same school so he knows. Tiffani said that she was 6 years old. She didn't do anything back then.
Howard gave Tiffani some more plugs for ''White Collar'' and also told her that he did some photos with their mutual friends. Howard said he'll show them to her. Howard said that he might have to photograph her too. Howard said he's a professional. She may have to do them naked. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was reading an interview with Billy Corgan and he was saying that their sales went through the roof after he appeared on the Howard Stern Show. He said that was very nice.
Howard said that Chad Everett died last week. Sherman Hemsley died too. Howard said Sherman was very good on that show ''Good Times (Actually The Jeffersons).'' Robin said that he was good when he came on their show too. He did it a few times.
Howard went through some other stuff he got in the mail. He said he had a lot about the Colorado shooter. Howard said that the guy had red hair and he was supposed to be dressed up like the Joker but the Joker had green hair. Fred said maybe he was going with the Heath Ledger Joker.
Howard said he was reading an article about Tom Waits and he's so odd that Heath Ledger may have been doing an impression of Tom Waits when he did his Joker character. Howard said he had no idea that Tom Waits was even like that. Robin said she saw that video and it's hysterical. She said that Heath Ledger was doing a Tom Waits impression.
Howard said they say this kid who shot everyone in Colorado was with prostitutes and he was with someone who had red hair and he asked her how she did her hair. He said one of the prostitutes says that he wasn't able to get it up the last time he was with her. Robin said she had a few details about that story. She said she had some news about the psychiatrist who was treating him and things like that.
Howard said he got an email about the rendition of ''Creep'' that was played last week. Howard said it was Macy Gray. Howard said she did that live in the studio. Fred said that's what he played last week. He played some of it after Howard mentioned it.
Howard was repeating some of the lines during the song. He asked Robin if that's great when he does that. Robin didn't say.
Howard said Robin has such bad technology. He said he tried calling her yesterday and you get something like you're calling the wrong country. Robin said the building has something going on. She said it's not her phone. Howard said he knows her number works but it's hard to get a hold of her. Robin said that they're putting FIOS in the building and it's screwing up the phone lines. Howard said he went through that in his building too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Tiffani was great and sounded very down to earth. Howard said he felt the same thing. Howard said she's very attractive too. The caller said that Sherman Hemsley was gay. He asked Howard if he knew that. Howard said he thinks he knew that. He said there were always rumors he was. The caller asked if he had a game to play today. Howard said he doesn't have time for that now.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show rundown after that. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They spent a little time talking about Tiffani Thiessen and what she was saying about her friendship with Jennie Garth. Howard still had no idea what had gone on there. Robin said that she thinks that Jennie wasn't there for Tiffani when she needed her even though Tiffani was there for Jennie when she needed her.
Howard had Ass Napkin Ed back on the phone. Ed was saying that the security people were telling him that they don't like Howard. Howard said that the reason he was thrown out is because he was acting inappropriately. Howard said he's trying to turn it around to make it seem like they don't like him. Howard said Ed doesn't know what is inappropriate. Ed said that he was dancing on the floor with the DJ. Howard said they have video of Ed outside of AGT. He said he's banging a chick outside and his shirt is off. Ed said that's Jasmine. He said they were entertaining the guests. Howard said it's not about Ed. He said he already went through this. Ed said he has to explain something. Howard said he already did.
Gary said that Ed showed up and he wasn't even on any list. He said Jason Kaplan got a call from AGT and they asked if he knew that he was showing up. Howard said he can't just show up. Ed said that another fan of his just showed up. Howard said it's enough already. He hung up on Ed.
Bobo called in and said that last week's AGT was great. He said they had so many great acts on the show. Howard said all of the judges get to bring back four acts so it's like everyone will be back.
Jon Hein ran down more of his Wrap Up Show preview and then Howard had Robin start her news.
Robin said she was reading about Sherman Hemsley and how he never acknowledged that he was gay but it was believed that he was. Howard said it's a shame that he wasn't out of the closet if he was gay. Robin said it's not easy for some people of that generation.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that Will the Farter is going straight to hell. Howard said that he made great radio so why should he go straight to hell. Howard said he couldn't do that but Will is a great entertainer. Howard said if he did that on AGT he'd be a million dollars richer.
Robin said that one of the Wachowski brothers is now a woman. She said that Larry Wachowski has gone through the operation and he's now a woman. Robin said he's calling himself Loretta now.
Robin read a story about a study done about how semen might be the best cure for morning sickness. Robin read about that and said that it was a man who came up with that. Howard said it had to be a guy who came up with that idea. Robin said it has to be the juice of the man who impregnated the woman too.
Robin read about Mayor Bloomberg and how he's turned his attention to breast feeding. She said that he wants them to hide formula in hospitals so women are encouraged to breast feed. Howard said he wishes that his mother had breast fed him. He said maybe he'd be able to do math if she had. He said they claim that breast feeding raises your IQ a couple of points. He said he'd do it today if he was told that he'd go up 10 IQ points. He said he'd fart on her head too.
Robin read about a gay couple that wanted to turn a home into an inn up in Massachusetts and the church that owned it ended negotiations when they thought that gay marriages might happen there. Robin said their intention was to have all kinds of marriages there. Howard said it's crazy that we have problems with this in the year 2012. He said it's just bizarre. Robin said she read a story about a guy who refused to make a cake for a gay wedding just because they were gay. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read about how Dick Cheney has been giving advice to Mitt Romney about picking a running mate. Howard said Dick was the worst Vice President ever. Howard said he had some advice for him too. He said ''Don't pick a retard like McCain did.'' Howard said that Dick Cheney was a liar and he'd rather have Sarah Palin over Dick Cheney any day.
Robin read about what Mitt Romney was doing over in London when he was there for the Olympics. He insulted them saying that security might not be good enough. Robin said now he's in Israel and trying to win them over. He's talking about how Iran is a big threat to us and we have to do what we can to make sure they don't become a Nuclear state. Robin had a few clips of him talking. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read about the Olympics and how there are a lot of empty seats at the venues. Robin said they're hoping to fill them at future events. Howard said the reason is ''internet porn.'' He asked who would go to the Olympics when you have internet porn. Robin said there are people who have tickets but they're just not showing up.
Robin read about Penn State and the Jerry Sandusky case. Howard wondered what they're going to end up paying when the students sue. Fred figured it'll be like $50 million.
Robin said the Superman ride at Six Flags in Viejo, California stalled and they had to get people off the ride that was stuck at the highest point. Robin said it was stalled for 2 hours. Howard said he hates roller coasters. He did an impression of his mother asking who goes on those rides because they're nonsense.
Robin read about how Playboy is going to have an Indian woman taking it all off. Robin said that this is the first time that has happened. Howard said next they have to find an Eskimo. Robin said this woman is already getting flack from her home country. Robin said that they can't do this kind of thing in India.
Robin read about a woman and some kids who were shot in a drive by shooting in Brooklyn last night. Robin said that a lot of people complained about the stop and frisk law that Mayor Bloomberg came out with but now they're changing their tune after these shootings in Brooklyn. Robin said this person was in a White Altima with Florida plates. Robin said it might be random, reckless shootings. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about James Taylor being willing to teach people how to play his songs. He has video up on his web site to show his finger picking technique. Howard said he has enough money so he can't be asking for more. Robin said this is all free.
Robin read about a couple of climbers who fell in the Andes mountains and died. Robin had some audio of the father of one of the guy's talking about his son. Robin said that they say that it may have been bad weather that contributed to the deaths. Howard said he doesn't get it. He said life is so precious and wonderful and he's not sure why you'd risk it like that.
Robin read a story about this congressman who disappeared and didn't show up for work. Robin said now they're saying he's being treated for depression. Robin said there were a lot of rumors about what might be going on but now they're saying this.
Robin read about some people who are defending Chick-Fil-A and letting them open in Chicago and Boston. Howard said when you have a business you don't talk about your views like this guy at Chick-Fil-A did. Howard said you keep your mouth shut. Howard said that he's not looking to turn off anyone if he owns a business. He said he can go and be religious all he wants but he should keep his mouth shut.
Robin read some news about the Olympics and how the USA is doing. Howard said he doesn't have any interest in them. He said he's just reading about it in the paper and not watching.
Robin read a story about how younger people are worried about their futures as they go into adulthood. They spent a minute talking about that.
Robin read a story about the Charlie Sheen show ''Anger Management'' being picked up for another 90 episodes. They wrapped up and ended the show a short time later. They were done at 10:05am.
Steve Brandano said that it's hard to talk to Benjy sometimes. He said that he doesn't know when he's being himself or not. He said that can get very frustrating. Teddy agreed. He said it's just the one word ''Frustrating'' that describes it all.
Jon said that they're going to talk about the Tim Sabean thing and he thinks he may have made a tactical error by not going in the studio today. He said he could have helped it go away if he had. He said that he might be prolonging the whole thing if he doesn't go in and talk to Howard about it.
Jon said they also heard Ronnie talking about Ass Napkin Ed and why he can't get into AGT. Jon said that Jake Herbert also called in from Russia to explain his Baba Booey. He said it was pretty cool he was calling in from Russia and they'll talk more about that. Jon said if he does a Baba Booey after winning a medal then it might be the Best Baba Booey ever.
Jon also went over the Tiffani Thiessen interview and some of the stuff she was talking about. Jon said he really wanted to talk about Will the Farter and his mother Priscilla. Jon said that Howard was upset that no one wrote down her name for him. Howard said that the game was general knowledge and if Priscilla didn't get an answer right then Will would fart in her face. He said it was really off putting and it sounded very funny. He said he didn't see what was actually happening.
Jon said Will went all out and put on quite a show for Howard. Jon asked Benjy if he thought it was off putting at all. Benjy gave his opinion about what was going on there. Jon said that it's a strange relationship they have there. They don't seem to share much about what Will does.
Jon asked Benjy how Will was farting in her face. Benjy said that it looked like an assault. He said she would put her head down and Will would grab her head and she'd come up with her hair a mess.
Jon said the questions were pretty simple but she got quite a few wrong. He said he liked her answer of ''Four Score and seven innings.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Benjy is one of the funniest people he's heard. He said he has to say ''fuck Teddy'' after hearing what he had to say earlier. Benjy didn't hear that so he asked what happened. Teddy told Benjy that he has frustrated him in the past and that's all he was saying. Benjy said he can't tell if he and Teddy are buddies or not. Teddy said he's fine with him but he frustrates him a lot. Teddy said he loves him but he doesn't think that he appreciates the job he has.
Gary came in and asked if Teddy really does love Benjy. He asked if he really knows him. Teddy said he has hung out with him before. He said it was just once but it was cool. Benjy said that he thinks Teddy gets very jealous. Teddy said that's true.
Benjy wasn't invited to Teddy's wedding. Teddy said he knows better than to do that. He said he knows he'd make it all about Benjy if he did. Benjy said that makes him feel sad but that's fair. Gary said that Benjy dressed up in a weird outfit at Howard's party once. Benjy said that they seem like such pussies about that stuff. He said that he feels like they're fascist about that kind of thing. Gary asked if he thinks it was about him a little bit. Benjy said it was a party and they were just having fun. He said he doesn't feel that it was infringing on any people in a negative way.
Jon said that it's kind of like Ass Napkin Ed. He said that Howard told Ed that it wasn't supposed to be about him. Gary also said that Ed wasn't invited.
Jon said that it's hard not to be the center of attention there. He said that there are a few people like that. Benjy, Sal and Richard are a few. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked if Will and his mom have a weird relationship because the mom doesn't know what her son does. Gary said he thinks that she just doesn't want to deal with it. Gary said he has seen guys in porn movies who grab the woman that's blowing them and shove their face in their junk. He said that's what Will was doing today.
Jon said that Ronnie just walked in. Ronnie said he wanted to hear more about why Teddy hates Benjy. He said Teddy is under the radar there most of the time.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks that Ass Napkin Ed was being kept out of AGT unfairly. Ronnie said he wasn't at all. He said he was a mess and he claimed to have a Howard TV camera crew with him and that was a lie. He said that some of the people there was wondering if Howard would be upset with them if they got rid of him. Gary said they shouldn't worry about that at all. He said that they can get rid of anyone who comes there and acts inappropriately.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Will's mother may have had anxiety and that might be why she wasn't able to answer questions. He said that's the same as Gary not being able to throw a baseball. Gary said he doesn't think that's it at all. He said she may have been anxious but she wouldn't know H2O in the game or not in the game.
The caller asked about Tim Sabean and if he thinks that if he asked Howard to leave him alone that Howard would leave him alone. Gary said he thinks that if Tim does get a hold of Howard it could spur Howard on to goof on it more or he could make Howard feel bad. He doesn't think Howard would stop because he was asked but it might make him feel bad.
The caller had also asked if they could ask their boss to get drug tested. Gary said that would be interesting if they could. He said that he would like to get everyone drug tested there. Gary said there are rumors about Benjy being on drugs but he doesn't see it. Benjy said he would love to be drug tested.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has a question about Teddy and Benjy. He said that Teddy took his job for granted with Artie when he worked with him. He asked if he ever paid Artie back. Teddy said he never borrowed money from Artie. He said that Artie said he was stealing because of the salary Artie was paying him. He never borrowed anything from him.
Gary said he was talking to someone about Teddy the other day and they were asking about the Artie thing. He said that Teddy was only 25 at the time and he was learning because he had never done that kind of thing before. Teddy said Artie was a raging drug addict at the time too. He said he just went out to dinner with him recently and he's never been nicer. He said Artie is really good now and he hopes he stays that way. Jon said they had to take another break after that.
Gary wondered if he should have it on his tombstone. Jon asked if he's thinking about it. Gary said he's not sure he wants a tombstone. He said he might be cremated. Jon asked Ronnie if he's going to go that direction. Shuli said that it looks like he's already started. Ronnie gave him a ''ha ha'' and asked if he learned that at comedy school.
Jon asked Ronnie what he wants to do when he dies. Ronnie said he wants to be buried under a dance floor at a strip club. He said he wants to be laying under a glass floor and looking up. Gary said that Mel Blanc's tombstone reads ''That's all, Folks.'' Gary said maybe he should have Baba Booey on his.
Benjy asked Ronnie if he thinks about death at all. Ronnie said he doesn't think about it. He said he gets depressed when nice people get sick like that. He said he'll worry about himself when it comes time.
Gary said they talked about some stuff on the air a few months ago about the colonoscopy. Ronnie said he's going to do it soon.
Shuli said that JD is one who can't talk about it at all. He said if you ask him about death he just shuts down completely. Jon said maybe they'll get him in there to talk about that.
Gary said she was very good and she answered all of the questions and talked about the Saved by the Bell stuff. Jon said that Howard seemed most surprised at the 19 year old dating her when she was only 14. She didn't find it weird at all. Gary said that she didn't think it was weird at all. Gary asked Jon what he would do if his 15 year old brought home a 19 year old. Jon said he'd be reaching for the shotgun. Jon said that he wouldn't be okay with anyone having sex with his daughter at 15. He said that he may feel that way when he's 35 years old. He said it's just a maternal thing that's in him.
Benjy asked if Jon still eaves drops on his daughters IM conversations. Jon said he doesn't do that anymore. He said he's letting his kids live their lives.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he gets aggravated with Jason not taking full body shots. He said he's not getting their feet in the shots. Gary said that Jason has about 4 seconds to take a picture. He said sometimes they're running out the door. Gary said he will mention it to Jason and try to get him to get the shoes into the photos.
Jon asked JD about mortality and JD said he doesn't want to talk about it. He said it scares the shit out of him and he thinks about it enough. Gary asked if he thinks that it'll happen if he talks about it. JD said it just weirds him out. Shuli said he was the same way for a while and he knows that it could end and you only get one shot at it.
Jon asked JD what it is that worries him so much. JD said he's not sure what happens after and he's not sure if he'll be in pain or not. Gary said he gets that. Gary said he read about a guy who drove the wrong way on the highway and died when he hit someone head on. He said he could just die at any minute. Gary said it's not that weird to have that attitude that it could end at any moment. He said that you should live your life like it could end at any moment.
JD said there is a scene in the movie ''What about Bob'' and Bill Murray tells the kid that everyone dies. He said that freaked him out and he'll never forget that scene. Will told him if he was so worried about living then you'd think that he'd try to eat healthy. JD said he's lazy so that's why he doesn't do anything about it. Gary said he's living life but he's not enjoying it. JD said ''Exactly...''
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he dated Tiffani when they were in high school. He said she was pretty wild back then. The guys figured he was full of it since she claimed she didn't go to a regular school after 7th grade. Jon hung up on the guy because of his bad connection.
Jon brought up how Tiffani was talking about her friendship with Jennie Garth and how that just ended. That led to Ronnie talking about how he had a weird relationship like that with a friend of his. He said that he would run into the guy once in a while and then the guy just died. He said that the guy was the dummy in the situation and took his orders from his wife. He said that's just the way things go.
Jon said sometimes you have to pick sides in a relationship when it ends. Ronnie said he had to do that when he divorced. He said he hasn't seen Neil Drake for years and he thinks that has to do with his divorce. He said he just doesn't deal with it. He said if you don't want to be his friend then ''fuck you, goodbye.''
Gary said he used to go to a club and he was told not to talk to this guy who would sit in the corner. He said that the guy cheated on his wife who was like 1/4 his age and if you talked to him then everyone's wife would get angry with you and you'd be an outcast too. The guys had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about Dick Cheney and what he's been talking about in the news lately. Howard said that he lied to the country about his company and if he were him he'd hide in shame. Howard said that Cheney is out bad mouthing Sarah Palin, which he agrees with, but now he's out bad mouthing Obama. Howard played a clip of Cheney talking about the mistakes he thinks Obama has made. Howard said he has some balls talking about that. He said that he would probably send in Haliburton again if he was up to Cheney. Howard played bits and pieces of Cheney's comments and said that he was the worst vice President ever. Robin said she thinks that he was running things.
Howard said Cheney took credit for Bin Laden being taken out too. Howard played that clip and Cheney was talking about how the intelligence that led to bin Laden being taken down was from their administration. Howard said this guy just won't go away. Robin said he's like a fly. Howard said he's an annoying man. Howard said he's got that crooked smile and he's just weird.
Howard said that woman who put out that song ''Pussy Good, Pussy Sweet'' put out another song about pussy. This one is called ''This Pussy Be Yankin.'' Howard said her name is Lady. Howard said he saw the video for the song. He played some of the song for Robin. Howard said he liked the first song better. Robin said she has to get off the pussy train. Howard said she just said the N-word in that song too. Howard said that he's been hypnotized by a few pussies.
Howard said he liked her first song. He said she might be running out of ideas. Robin said if she thinks she can make a whole career singing about pussy she should think again.
Howard said Wolfie went out to a Dyke March event and he interviewed some people there. He played an interview where Wolfie asked what the grossest part of a man is. The lesbian said that it's the Man himself. She said she can be friends with a man but that's about it. She said she did suck dick about 3 times though. Wolfie asked who she'd like to bed down. She went with Hillary Clinton. She also said that pussy tastes like an Italian Hoagie or a funnel cake.
Howard played another interview where the lesbian was describing what it was like to be with a man. She said it was disgusting and men don't know how to take care of their bodies. Howard agreed with her about how guys take care of themselves.
Howard played another one where Wolfie asked if a woman has ever farted on her during sex. She said that has happened. She was also asked about having a stinky woman. She said she does the finger test before going down there. Howard was grossed out by that. He said he does the finger test too though.
Howard said when Steve Brandano was at Comic-Con he left out a couple of interviews. Howard said he had two more. Howard played the clip and Steve asked this woman what she was dressed up as and she said it was something like Bushnico Dragon Goddess. It was a character she made up herself. Steve asked her what her character does and the woman told him the details that she made up.
Howard said that he saw some report that described how many people are on Welfare in this country and after hearing these Comic-Con things he's not surprised.
Howard said he saw a video of Mitt Romney talking about how he'd never take away a woman's right to choose. He said that was when he was running for Governor up in Massachusetts. Howard said he wanted to play it but JD didn't have it ready for him yet. Howard said he asked him to get it for him. Gary said they got messages from a strange email address and they weren't sure where it was coming from. Howard said it was his email and he's not sure why it comes through like that.
Howard got back to the Comic-Con audio and said that JD sent him a tape of a dude from a TV show where this guy is in love with balloons. He said the show is called Taboo and it's on the NatGeo channel. He said they have a promo for the show and that's what they show in this clip. Howard said the guy is sitting in a bed with balloons that are all blown up. Howard said it gets really dark in a few seconds. They talk about the guy being obsessed with balloons and he protects them by putting them in his shirt. He was talking about how warm he felt with the balloon under his shirt.
Howard said the music changes in the promo because he's in the bedroom with the lights off talking about sleeping with his balloons. The guy was talking about how he felt the love from the balloons and he claims that he's not doing anything else with them. Howard said it's a lot easier to fuck a balloon than a man or a woman.
Howard said they played those Brony guys from that Brony-Con. Howard said some of them were at Comic-Con where Steve talked to them. Howard played a clip of Steve talking to one of the Brony guys. The guy was telling Steve why he was dressed as one of the My Little Pony characters. He was going on and on about how they beat up other characters. Howard said these people are so damaged.
Howard got the clip of Mitt Romney talking about how he was going to protect the rights of women to choose. There were a bunch of clips where he was saying that he would do whatever he had to do to protect them in Massachusetts. Howard said that this guy just flip flops on everything.
Howard said Romney would probably have to say that he has to lie to the Republicans to get the nomination. Howard said he hopes that's what he's doing. He said you'd hope he'd have some sort of backbone. Howard said he was against Obamacare and he was the one who was so progressive up in Massachusetts. Howard said he must be doing this stuff with a wink.
Howard said there's a whole movie trailer about this. Howard played the clip and it was a movie trailer for ''The Shitter'' featuring Tim's voice and some shitting sounds. Howard said he'd go see that. Robin said it sounds too horrific for her.
Howard said people are sending in song parodies about it too. He played a couple of songs that people are sending in. Howard said he had one from Ryan Touker and one from Daniel Mendelson. Howard said that stuff just doesn't go away.
Howard said Gary talked to Tim about it and tried to tell him that it will eventually go away. Howard said that Gary's pitch lasted a couple of weeks and then it went away. Gary said he told someone this was Tim's pitch and someone pointed out that he didn't shit on the field.
Gary said that Tim is going to think that this will last twice as long as it actually does. He said he used to walk into the supermarket thinking that people were only remembering his pitch. Howard said he still doesn't know how he shit all over the wall. He said Tim shouldn't worry about it because Baba Booey has only lasted 30 years so far.
Howard said Tim was smart because they had people writing ideas for the shit stains. They were going to make a mural out of the shit stains and leave it there permanently. Howard said he thought that was brilliant. Howard said they were thinking about cutting out the wall and putting it in the Howard Stern Museum. Howard said Tim said it was all cleaned up already though. Gary said it is cleaned up.
Howard asked what they used to clean it up. Gary said Tim must have gotten someone in there to clean it up. Jon Leiberman was saying it was a two man crew. Howard told Jon to come in and give them an update.
Jon came in and said that this is his Watergate. Howard said it really is. Jon said they confirmed a 2 person crew spent about 25 minutes cleaning up and sanitizing. He said they looked at it this morning and the bathroom is spotless. He said the white wall is a little brown like it's a permanent stain. He said they cleaned everything and it's spotless. He said the railing is cleaner than it was pre-Tim's shit. Some of the guys are saying that it's the cleanest it's been since they got there to Sirius.
Howard wondered why it took so long to get it cleaned up. He asked Jon if they could have an artist come in and paint a tribute to it. Jon said they could easily do that. Howard said it would be a memorial to what happened there. Robin said sometimes Dexter will make strings from the body to the splatter point and they should have done that to see the spray.
Jon said Tim confessed too early. He said they could have done all of that. He said Tim is still very stressed out about this. He said Tim stopped by the news room and he voiced his opinion saying he thinks this is over now. Howard said that's fair enough. Jon said they do have some other news today. He said the shit is still on people's minds though. Howard said they had some great coverage about the story. He congratulated them on their coverage. Jon said sometimes you have to get your hands dirty. He said it took 17 years of doing real news to get to cover Tim's shit. Robin said he gets to the bottom of things.
Howard said Jon was actually swabbing stuff. He thanked Jon for covering it. He asked if Lisa G is jealous that he got to cover it. Jon said he's pretty sure she's fine that he has run with the story. Jon said she had her sweet and meet and he has Tim's shit.
Howard asked if Lisa drives him nuts. Jon said she means well but she will talk about stuff that he's not interested in. He said he just kind of nods his head and it can get kind of annoying at times. He said she does that stuff and he has his thing. Jon said that he keeps his headphones on to make it look like he's listening to stuff even when he's not. He does that to make it appear that he's busy.
Jon said that Lisa will talk to him before the show and she gets very into what Howard is doing. He said she was infatuated that he may have had Nick Cannon over to his house. Jon said he's more into crime stuff. He said Shuli just makes fun of everyone back there.
Howard asked if Lisa texts him about stuff like that too. Jon said that it's slightly annoying. He said she has her pros and cons. He said she can be annoying but she's also like the mother of the newsroom. He said she wants to be in everyone's business. Howard said they're doing a good job back there. He told them to keep on top of that stuff.
JD came in and said that he didn't remember the last time he wore the suit and he may have just thrown it on the floor. Howard asked how they got rid of the rodents. JD said he was finding dead mice in the apartment every day for a few days. Howard said they must have poisoned them in the walls. JD said it wasn't fun. Howard said New York is gross. He said the shit they have to put up with there. He said that you rent an apartment with mice in it and then you can't give it up because the rent is good.
Howard said we have so many people in this world. He said that's why there's joblessness and homeless and all of this stuff. He said there are just too many people and that's why he's for abortion.
Howard said Richard Christy was telling him how he threw a live mouse out of his apartment because it was trying to bite him.
Howard asked Jon what else he had. Jon said that they have a story about Scott Salem who showed up in the news about running a stop sign. Jon said that it inferred that he didn't stop but Scott claims he did stop. Jon said that if you go back and watch the clip it does appear that Scott did stop. Howard said he wishes Scott was on more news. He'd love to watch.
Jon said that Sal has released an app that finds the nearest massage parlor. He said the app is the Spa Now app. He said you can leave comments about the massage parlors and stuff. Howard said that's a great idea actually. He said if you're there from out of town you can find a place to go. Jon said that Sal is so proud of how the thing works. He said Sal will show everyone how it works if you're around. Sal came in and showed it to Howard. Sal said he came up with the idea himself and he partnered up with an app company to design it for him.
Howard said that Sal's hands are shaking like crazy. JD said they shake all the time. Sal said they're essential tremors. Howard said it shakes like he's an old man.
Howard checked out the app and Sal said that you don't know for sure that they're rub and tug places. He said that if you luck out you might find one. Jon said that he has key words in there and some of them are ''happy'' and things like that. Sal said it's not really a code. He said you can review the places and give it a smiley face which might mean that it's a ''happy'' place to go to.
Howard said he could just check for the massage places on Google Maps. Sal said he has seen stuff like that on his GPS before. He said he was just driving around and tried it out. He said it didn't come up on his GPS so that's how the idea came about. Robin said he found a niche in the market. Howard said he really did.
Howard thanked Sal for the update. Sal said you can get the app by going to his web site HorseToothJackass.com or just go to the app store and download the Spa Now app.
Jon said that if you go back to see Sal and Richard they have their stuff going on so you get Sal doing that and Richard is doing his alligator impression for the movie he's going to be in called Manigator.
Howard said he thinks he's had enough of the news. Jon said he had just one more thing. He said Riley Martin is charging people $50 to talk to people on the phone now. Howard asked if anyone there is just working on the show. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about how great that song was. Robin said they had a lot of drama in that song. Howard said he loved James Brown. He said you never knew what the fuck he was talking about. He said he was so great. Howard said as bad as musicians they were he made that song sound good. Howard said that was his wife singing with him too. Robin said that they said they weren't a couple at the time. Robin said she had no idea what was going on there.
Howard said he was reading the paper and they're saying that the new iPhone is due out in September. He said he was wondering how it was going to be better. Robin said it's supposed to be smaller and it's supposed to be 4G. Howard said if they could make it faster he'd dig that. He said that would be cool. Robin asked if being thinner would be good. Howard said that would be fine too. He said he doesn't spend a lot of money on himself. He said he has been buying some clothes lately but that's mostly for AGT.
Howard said he has been losing some weight so he fits into his clothes. He said people tell him that he's too thin. Howard said his balls are so squished that they go numb in his pants lately. He said that he has no room in them. Robin said they're not that tight. Howard said he's wearing tighty whiteys and his balls go numb. He said he'd rather go numb and look good than not look good. He said he's trying to lose weight and he doesn't eat bread in the morning now. He said he's talking about going down to 140 pounds and the John Varvatos people think he's nuts. Howard said that 140 weight range would be good for his balls.
Howard said he stands up now and gets dizzy. He said it's a recipe for disaster. Robin said that he's going to faint one of these days. Howard said they might end up reporting that he's anorexic.
Howard played a prank call the guys made to a dry cleaner using clips of him talking about his pants shrinking.
After the clip Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about how much of a moron Will the Farter's mom is. Howard said Howard TV has a twitter feed where they put out teasers. He said it's @HowardTV and they put out a video yesterday where they showed Will grabbing his mom's head and shoving it into his ass. Howard said that will be on Howard TV tonight.
The caller said that he thinks that Wendy the Retard would know what gravity is. Howard said that was pretty weird. He said that Will's mom was hot when she was young. Howard said she was hot and sexy. Robin said Will has some sort of hostility toward her. Howard said he was pretty brutal with her.
Howard said that Governor Cuomo put through a new law so young kids will have to get consent to get piercings. Howard said he likes this. He said that his kids wanted to get things pierced and he didn't want them to do that. He said it turns out they could have done it themselves. Howard said his daughter wanted to get something done and he told her no. He said that she thanked him years later for not letting her do it. Howard said it was hard to convince her back then. He said he's glad there's a law now.
Howard said people say that government should stay out of your life but this kind of thing is a good thing. Howard said he doesn't want some guy in a tattoo parlor making decisions for him.
Kelsey said that she wants to know if she should get it done. Howard had her stand up. Howard said he thinks that they fill out her body nicely. Kelsey said she feels they make her look bigger than she is. Howard said she has nice, big tits. Gary said he thinks that she's supposed to take her top off. Howard asked her to do that then.
Howard asked how old she is. Kelsey said she's 24. She said she started getting them when she was 15. She said that she got a lot of attention back then. She wants to go down to a C-cup. Robin said the doctor won't do it. Howard said Beth is a C. Robin said she wanted to be a C but she woke up a D. She said the doctor couldn't bring herself to make them smaller.
Howard said he will tell Kelsey if he likes them or not. She took her top off and Howard said they are nice. Fred said they are absolutely beautiful. He said they fit her body. Kelsey said they do not. Fred said if she gets anything smaller she'll be out of proportion. Robin said she's out of her mind. Robin said she will have scars if she gets them done. Robin said her breasts now look like her breasts. She said that her's weren't nice when she got hers done. She said they were bad boobs and they made them look nicer. Robin said she does not want scars and her breasts are perfect. Robin said her surgeon was a brilliant man and she's seen women mutilated.
Fred asked if they move the nipples. She said they do. Fred said that they always look like a science project.
Howard said this girl is bored. Howard said she needs a job. She said she has a job. She's a nurse. Fred asked her to turn sideways. He wanted to see the profile. Howard said they don't even sag. Howard said she has nice nips. Fred said if they move the nipples they look like refrigerator magnets.
Howard asked if her nips are really sensitive. She said they are. She doesn't get sexually stimulated from that though. Howard asked if she keeps the lights on or off. She said they stay off.
Howard told Kelsey not to do it. He said that she's going to have some doctor in Pennsylvania do the work. Howard said it's not going to be good. He said all of her issues are in her head. She said that the work is going to be covered by insurance because she has back problems. Howard said she's not thinking clearly. Howard said she'll go from having maybe the best tits he's ever seen to having shitty tits.
Gary said all of the guys are coming into the office and saying that they fit her. Gary said they're not sloppy at all. He said Doug told him that they're not bad at all. Kelsey said she does have back problems. Howard said he has back problems and he doesn't have tits.
Jason came in and said that he would kill for tits like that. He said it would be a crime against humanity to have them touched. He said he has taken lots of pictures and those are the best he's seen. Howard said women who get implants are going for that and they never achieve it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had a girlfriend who had the work done and he was never able to look at those boobs. He said they were like Frankenstein.
Howard told Kelsey not to do the work. He had Kelsey promise not to touch them. Kelsey said she is going to get the work done. Howard said he doesn't know her and he is America's Judge. Howard said she's making a big, fucking mistake. Robin said she's going to be scarred. Howard said he's way into aesthetics. He said that he's seen many breasts and those things are perfect. Howard said she's in the top 3 that he's ever seen in his life. Howard said if she mutilates them then she's insane. Robin said thinking there is something wrong with them shows she has problems and she should get counseling. Kelsey said she goes to a therapist already. Howard said she's not going to a good one.
Howard said that she should take her top off for her and show her. Kelsey said her family supports her in this. Howard said they're nuts too.
Gary said that their director was asking her to put her arms down. Gary said the guys were wondering if they could check them for firmness. Gary said that DePace, Brian Phelan and JD want to check them. Kelsey said that she'll let JD check them. JD came in a short time later and said ''Good golly...'' Howard asked if he wanted to feel them. JD said she should go bigger.
Ronnie came in and said that girls at Rick's would kill for those. Howard said her nips are going to look weird if she gets them moved. Ronnie asked why she wants to do that. He asked if the guy out there in the green room is making her do it. She said that he's an ex-boyfriend and he's not giving an opinion.
Kelsey asked what size dress they think she is. Ronnie guessed a 5 or 6. She said she's a 3 and the boobs make her look bigger. Robin said she's healthy and she has beautiful breasts. That shouldn't matter. Ronnie said the guys were drooling over her when she came in and it wasn't just the boobs. He said she has great legs and a great face too.
Howard had JD check Kelsey out. JD said they were amazing. JD asked her to please not do anything with those. Howard said they're beautiful. He told her to see a real psychiatrist and get this out of her head. Ronnie said if they looked like shit they'd tell her. He said they have no reason not to.
Howard said those are perfectly shaped and she has great nips. He said she's a home run. He said JD is hard as a rock right now. Kelsey said she thinks she's nothing but boobs and she doesn't want to be that. Ronnie asked if her bra was her grandmother's bra. He said he'll take her to a bra place and get her something nicer. JD said she's hot overall.
Robin said that they're perfect and they're right where God meant them to be. Howard said they're so good that Robin believes in god all of a sudden. Howard said she's beautiful and she's a whole package. Howard told her not to touch those boobs. Howard said her parents should lock her up.
Howard asked if anyone in the room thought she should get them done. No one spoke up. JD said that the silence was deafening. Howard asked if she's ever done jumping jacks with those. She said she was in heels so she can't.
Howard asked Kelsey if she's going to get it done anyway. She said she thinks she is. Howard and the guys were bummed out. Howard said she's going to ruin her body. Howard said he knows she's hell bent on this but she's going to ruin it. Robin said she's going to take a masterpiece and make it ordinary.
Ronnie asked why she came in there if she wasn't going to listen to them. Howard said she must know she's crazy on some level. Howard asked her not to screw them up. He said she's going to look weird and irritated when they do them. Howard said this is a cry for help. Ronnie said she's not listening at all and they're being honest.
Howard said they should lock her up topless. Howard asked Ronnie if they're in the top 5 for him. Ronnie said that they are. He said dancers pay $10,000 to get boobs like that. Kelsey said she can't dance with those. She said they move. Ronnie said they're supposed to move.
Howard said he would dance with her. Howard had Fred play some music. Howard got up and danced. Ronnie told her to dance and show how they move. Kelsey complained that they move too much. Robin said they're supposed to move.
Howard said Kelsey getting a breast reduction is like Einstein getting a brain reduction. Howard said they're perfect and told her not to do it. Kelsey said guys stay away from her boobs. Howard said she must live in a gay part of town.
Ronnie asked why the guy is out there in the green room and why did he let them go. She said they'll have to ask him. She said she's not in love with him.
Howard said they were replaying Kelsey jumping up and down on the monitor. Howard said she looks great. JD said she's a lot hotter than the girls that come in there. JD said she's probably top 10 of the girls that come in there.
Howard told JD to ask her out. JD said he can't ask her out. He said he has a whole other thing going on. Robin asked if he's tied up. JD said he's interested in someone and she's interested in him. He said they're figuring things out. Howard asked what the delay is. JD said that she lives in another state and she has other people in her life. Howard said this girl is drama free so he should go for it. JD said he can't ask her out. Howard said he's sitting home alone jerking off. JD asked if she would go out with him even if he did ask her out. Kelsey said ''probably not.''
Howard took a call from a woman who said she must not love her breasts. Howard said she won't be happy if she gets them done. Ronnie asked where she's getting them done. She said it's close to home. Kelsey said that she's spoken to women who have had the work done and they said it was the best thing they did. Robin said they didn't have perfect breasts. Robin said if she had her breasts she wouldn't have touched them.
Howard said he thinks that she came to the right place because they're titty experts. Howard said they are top 10, phenomenal. He said Fred even talked and he doesn't speak. Howard said that woke Fred up. Fred said she's going to rue the day she chopped them off if she goes through with it. Howard said he doesn't get why her family supports this. Howard said they must be jealous of how hot she is.
Kelsey said she has a hard time shopping for clothes. Robin said that's not a good reason. She said that she's going to get mutilated so she can find clothes.
Ronnie said that after she gets the work done and the boobs look like shit then she's really going to regret it. Howard said if she was his girlfriend she'd have to walk around topless. Howard said if they were at home she'd be topless all the time. Robin said that any girl who has told her to get it done is just jealous of her. Robin said that's the tit job she got and now Kelsey is trying to get rid of it. Howard said she really shouldn't get it done.
Howard and the guys kept telling Kelsey not to do it. They even showed her a botched breast reduction. She said she would think about it but then she said she has already made her decision to get it done. Howard asked JD what he would do if she was his wife. JD said he'd want to be around her all the time. He said he might even quit his job and stay home all day with her.
Kelsey claimed that she can't even wear lingerie. Ronnie told her she's out of her mind. He said she can too. He was going nuts over what she was saying. Ronnie said popped an eye vessel. He said he blew his eye out from this chick. Howard said Ronnie is really upset. Ronnie asked what the hell is wrong with her and why she would do this. Ronnie said he's going to follow her home and make sure she doesn't do this. JD told him to calm down. Howard did too.
Howard told Kelsey to not do this and he swears that they are the best he's seen. She asked him to promise that he's not lying. Howard did. Howard said he knows she's going to be so sorry when she gets this done. Howard said she's a gorgeous girl and she's a 10 when she takes her top off. Howard told her to get out of there before Ronnie follows her home.
Howard said that Sal is inventing an app now that finds Kelsey's breasts. Howard said she will regret it if she gets the work done. Ronnie said this is insane. He said that she's going to do it. Kelsey said that she will think about it. Her appointment is on Friday. Howard told her to say goodbye to that and say hello to mutilated tits. Howard said he hopes the insurance company turns her down. Ronnie told her to do it in the winter time when she's not showing them off.
Howard said at least them have them on video so they can remember them when she gets them taken away. Howard said he wants to hear Taps so they can say good bye to perfect tits. Kelsey said she will think about this but she's thinking about her future too. Howard said if she wants they can put her in a bikini and ask people on the street what they think. Kelsey said they have to find a bikini that fits her. Howard said they need one that doesn't fit her. Howard said Pam Anderson wants to look like her. Kelsey said that she can't find clothes that fit. Howard said she's making excuses.
Howard told her to throw out her bra and just go bra-less. She said she can't find good bras out there in Pennsylvania. Howard told Ronnie to take her out to the shops and get her something nice. Ronnie said he'll do that but he has to be back to take Howard out. Howard said he can go out for like an hour.
Richie Wilson came in with a large Bikini top. They wanted her to try it on. Howard asked Richie what he thinks. Richie said he sees boobs like this every night with Rachel Fine. He said that this girl is nuts. He said that's what Rachel's look like. Howard told him to bring her in there then.
Howard said that she's worried that she's going to spill out of the top but no one cares if she's spilling out. Howard had the guys help her out with the top. Howard said he bets the top is going to look great. Howard said Richie is genius. The top looked great on her. Richie said that it covers the nipple and that's fine.
Howard had Kelsey turn around so he could look at it. She said that she can't wear that to the beach. The guys told her she can wear it to the beach. She said it only covers nip and that's it. No one cared. She said she wants something that covers more.
Howard said Kelsey is just too uptight. Howard said she doesn't need special sizes made. Ronnie said that's right. He said she must be fucking stupid. Ronnie tied her bikini top up to help out but she said that she's self conscious about it. Kelsey said that she doesn't want guys looking at her for just her boobs. Howard said that's like people saying he has nice hair and then he goes and cuts it all off. He said that's just not the right thing to do.
Ronnie told Richie to get the bikini bottom on. They had her go into the closet with Richie. Howard was cracking up at the way Ronnie was talking to her. He asked what happened to his eye. Ronnie said he blew a blood vessel and the doctor said it's fine.
Kelsey was trying to find a bottom for this girl. She wasn't able to find it. Howard took a call from Rachel Fine who told her not to touch those boobs. Howard had Kelsey come back to talk to her. Kelsey got back on the microphone and Rachel told her not to touch her boobs. She said they're gorgeous and she's the one making her life about her boobs. Rachel said that she can be a better person. Howard said that Rachel has boobs like hers too. Howard said she should listen to her.
Ronnie came out of the closet with a whole outfit. He had a school girl outfit for her to put on. The guys were all cracking up. Howard told them to get her in it.
Howard asked how it was going. Ronnie said that the bottom wasn't that good. He said she is hot. Ronnie said he wants people to see how hot she can be. He didn't like the outfit they picked out. Howard said she could get a job at any club in the country. Howard told her that's how she should dress every day.
Howard said she was in a school girl outfit in a bikini top. Howard said that's quite the picture. Howard said she looks fantastic. Howard said she has a great body. JD said now they can go on a date. Howard said Tim Sabean just took a look at her and shit all over the wall.
Howard said Kelsey came there asking for their advice and they gave her a resounding ''NO!'' Howard said as a man this is a tremendous turn on. He said her boobs are amazing and he's not even a boob man. Howard said he has to take a break and he asked Kelsey not to get the work done. Ronnie told her to cancel and at least think about it for a while. Robin said she hopes this works.
Ronnie asked if this guy Waldo ever saw her in an outfit like this. She said he hasn't. Howard had the guys bring him in. Howard asked if he broke up with her. The guy said she broke up with him. He said the outfit looks awesome. He said that's what he wanted her to wear to the beach. He said he doesn't think that she should get them reduced. They dated for 4 years. Howard asked what he did with those. He said he did what he can. Howard asked what that means. The guy didn't answer. Ronnie asked what's wrong with him. Howard said he's a lucky guy to have had her for 4 years. Howard said he has to chain her down and not let her get this work done. Howard said it's going to be a disaster.
Howard asked Kelsey why she dumped this guy. Kelsey said she had a few reasons. She said that he stopped giving her attention. The guy said that they lived together for 2 years and then he moved home so they only saw each other a couple times a week. Ronnie said that's what goes on in Pennsylvania. Howard said if he was him he'd get a job and move in with her. The guy said that he's been telling her not to go through with this. He said she just doesn't listen.
Howard said that it was nice to meet Kelsey and her boobs. Howard asked her to trust him. He said he's a judge on America's Got Talent so she should trust him. Ronnie told her not to get the work done again.
Howard took a call from Wheels who asked if she touches her boobs when she masturbates. She said that she doesn't do that. Wheels said that she must hate those things and she should touch them when she'd doing that. He said this is like a guy with a big penis saying he's going to take 3 inches off and move the head around. He said that's just nuts.
Howard said everyone there is telling her not to get this done. They all love her breasts. They told her to touch them and say she loves them. She did that and then JD told her to kiss them too. She did that when Howard told her to. JD said he has to get out of this room. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and thanked everyone for hanging in there during that intervention. Howard said she says that she is going to think about that.
Howard said that someone said they didn't mention that Lynn Samuels had died. Robin said they did talk about that. Howard said that's what he thought.
Howard said that Jeff Probst did an interview with the L.A. Times talking about his new talk show and he said that his prototype for doing interviews is the Howard Stern interviews. Howard said anything about him in the press in negative so they put a spin on it like it's a big surprise that he's using him as a prototype. Howard said he's been on the air for 35 years now and he must be doing something right.
Howard read the article from the L.A. Times ('Survivor' host Jeff Probst transitions to daytime with help from Howard Stern?). Howard thanked Jeff for saying what he said.
Howard said he had audio of Billy Corgan talking about how his album sales went up after he appeared on the Howard Stern Show. Howard played that clip and Billy was talking about how he didn't want to play old songs but he did it for Howard. He had Howard play one new song and he knew that Howard was a big fan. He said Howard was very gracious and after he played their one new song their sales went through the roof. Billy said Howard picked the song to play and they talked about it and the sales went through the roof. He said that's a relationship of respect and god bless Howard Stern for that respect.
Howard said he really likes that Smashing Pumpkins album. He said he wishes he could remember the name of the song he picked out and played on the air. Gary said it was something with the word Rays in it. Fred said it was ''Violet Rays.'' Howard had Fred play some of that for him. Howard said he thought it was Billy Corgan but it's actually out as a Smashing Pumpkins song. Howard said Smashing Pumpkins is Billy Corgan. He said the band is all new. Howard said this song is great.
Howard let the song play and said there aren't many songs you can get into after hearing them for the first time. He said this is one that you can. He said it's beautiful.
Howard said Billy is such a genius. He said they tested him in school and it turned out he had an unbelievable musical aptitude. He said his family didn't want him to get into music even though that was true. Robin said a lot of people try to bottle other people up. Howard said his family wanted to make him something that didn't have anything to do with music.
Howard said that song was great. He said Billy has a great voice too. He said that is a genius right there. Howard said the guy doesn't have anywhere to go and promote an album. He said he has to come on this show to do it.
Howard played some random thoughts from JD. He said the way he eats makes it appear he doesn't care about dying. Howard played some of the Wrap Up Show from yesterday where JD talked about how death scares the shit out of him. JD was talking about how everything about it bothers him. He said everything just ends and you don't know what happens. Howard also played a song parody about JD called ''He's Got a Mush Mouth'' to the tune of ''Brick House.''
Tommy said he got into AGT last week and got to see the show live. Howard said he likes seeing the fans at those events. He said he likes that part of the process and that's one reason he'd like to do another season of the show. Howard said when you do radio you're locked up in a studio all morning and you don't see anyone. Howard said most people who see him just ignore him. He said when he goes out the fans are all saying hi.
Tommy said he was yelling out from the balcony during the cloggers. Howard said people yell out during the whole show and Sharon was giving her opinion and people were yelling out Baba Booey and crazy stuff like that. He said it gets crazy there. He said you have to ignore it or you don't make any sense.
Tommy said in defense of Tim he thinks that he has a medical condition and he has the salts... the Somersaults. Howard wasn't laughing.
Howard asked Tommy if he's won money on the show. Tommy said it's been over 3 years. Howard said he'd let him play a game then. He said he has $1000 to give away in the Gary the Retard Trivia game. Howard gave him a practice question of ''Where is your Adam's Apple?'' Howard ended up making that one count as a question. Tommy said he thinks that Gary will not know. Gary said ''Probably in the ground... I guess.''
Howard played the next question which was ''Recite the alphabet.'' Howard said he thinks he gets up to D and then blows it. Robin said she thinks he won't make it past G. Tommy said he thinks he does know it. Howard said he's a bold man. Gary's answer was the full alphabet. Howard said Tommy has zoned in on Gary the Retard.
Howard played the next question which was ''Gary, you're 57 now, how old will you be in 3 years?'' Tommy said he won't know. He was right. Gary's answer was ''59.''
Howard said that's some game and Tommy is really good at it. Tommy said that doesn't happen very often. Tommy said great minds think alike.
Howard asked Tommy what he's going to do with the money. Tommy said he doesn't know. Howard put him on hold and said he's a happy Sirius subscriber who just won $1,000.
Howard played a prank call the guys had Gary the Retard make to a guy who was selling a truck. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked up the song like an old DJ would do. Howard was doing it as a bunch of old DJ-types. He was Bee-Bee and Imus and others. Howard said they don't make songs like this anymore.
Howard said that song they used to have in the movies ''Lets All Go to the Lobby'' they changed it to ''Don't Bring Guns to the Movies.'' He played examples of both.
Howard said he was talking during the commercial about Taylor Swift dating the grandson of Robert Kennedy. Howard said they say that the kid went from obscurity to being a star overnight. Howard said the kid is younger than she is. Howard said it's amazing that the Kennedy thing is still happening. He said they keep spreading the money around to more and more Kennedy's. Howard said he'd like to know when one of them is going to get a job.
Howard said this Kennedy kid is hanging out on the beach and getting all touchy feely with Taylor Swift. Howard said they say in the article that Taylor arrived at the compound and she had rented a house on the Kennedy compound. Howard said if the kids have a friend over they make them rent a place. Howard said he'd like to know how they breeze over that little thing. Howard said she has to pay rent to visit her boyfriend.
Howard said they have to generate money somehow so that must be how they're doing it. He went into his Kennedy impression and talked about charging people for that.
Gary said they say that Joe Kennedy had like 400 million back in the day. They say that in 1998 they sold a building in Chicago and sold it for $600 million. He said they say that they bought it for $12.5 million. Gary said they tell you who got what money and it was just this one building that they were talking about. Howard said once they sell it all off they're eventually going to run out of money. Robin said they're not going to let go of that initial investment. They'll keep making money somehow.
Howard said that this kid is never going to have to work a day in his life. Robin said that's a beautiful thing. Howard said she's right. Howard didn't think it was at first but then he thought about it and said it is. Howard said he feels he accomplished something in his life though. Howard asked if that kid is the one whose mom killed herself. Robin said that's who he is.
Howard said that a lot of guys dump Taylor Swift. He said she must be bad in bed. Robin said she's only 22. Howard said that's right. He said some people know how and some don't.
Howard played more and Jimmy was asking what movie he went to see and the movie names were all jokes like ''Was it Free Willy'' and things like that. Howard said it was all jokey stuff. Robin said it's like talking to Tim about the shitting on the wall thing.
Howard played more of the audio and Willard was saying that he's trying to laugh the whole thing off. He really didn't get into details. Howard said he's more confused than ever. Robin said he should come in there to redeem himself. Howard said that's exactly why he won't come in.
Howard read about the show that ABC pulled because of Willard's arrest. Howard said that he's not even sure what he did in that theater. He read through more of the article about Willard and said he feels really bad for the guy. He said it seems kind of harsh to take away his TV shows.
Howard said that people are talking about the Chick-Fil-A thing. Howard said they went out and asked people on the street if they would go now that they are known as anti-gay marriage. Sal and Richard asked a woman about that. The woman said as long as it's clean she'd go but it's none of their business what people do in their personal life. Howard said he'd love that woman to marry JD. She had a mumble mouth so he said he'd like to hear the two of them talking.
Howard said Shuli's mom has called in with opinions about AGT. He said that she calls Shuli about the show every week. Howard said he was listening to some of the clips and she's the most detailed critic in America. Howard played some examples of Shuli's mom talking about what she likes and doesn't like on AGT. She was going on and on about how wrong she was about Howard Stern. Howard said he has a big heart because he hired her son. Howard said Shuli's mom calls Shuli more than once because she's not sure if her message got recorded. She repeated the whole thing about him having a big heart.
Shuli came in and said that the voice mail cuts off after 3 minutes and she doesn't remember where she got cut off so she starts all over from the beginning. Howard said she was repeating the exact same thing. He said she will leave a long message and then leave the exact same message.
Shuli said that the show ends in Vegas at around 1 in the morning and he'll get a call from her after that. He said sometimes he'll make the mistake of picking up. Howard asked if his dad is still alive. Shuli said he is. He said about 5 or 6 years ago she called into the Miserable Men show and they asked her if she still had sex with his dad. She told them that's the reason they're still together.
Shuli told Howard that his mother loves him. Howard said he has a lot of young girls on Twitter telling him how much they love him. Howard said he has to keep a clean image with these kids.
Shuli said he has more messages about the last AGT. He said that he figured they weren't listening to them. Howard did an impression of Shuli's mom talking about him. He asked Shuli if they're still fucking. Shuli said he don't know. He said they're up there in age. He said that his mom is like 70. Shuli said that going shopping for school clothes with her was humiliating. He said she would argue about pricing on the clothes. He said he just wanted to get out of the store and she'd be asking to speak to the manager. He said he still hates shopping to this day.
Shuli said he would tell his wife about his dad and what he sounds like. He said that she didn't think he sounds like a count. Shuli said his dad used to own car washes and he worked like a dog. He said he used to fuck with him and his friends. He said that he'd answer the phone and ask his friends ''What the fuck do you want?'' in a deep, scary voice. He said his dad would come into his room and stand over him knowing that he was faking his sleeping. He said he would say something to get him laughing because he knew he wasn't sleeping.
Shuli said he told his mother to get his dad on the phone to review the show but she said he's too chicken to do it. Shuli said his dad's vision is going and he still goes to work.
Howard said there was this 11 year old girl who sang the National Anthem and she did it really badly. Howard said her dad is all mad that people are saying nasty things about her. Howard said if she can't sing then don't put her out there to do it.
Howard played the clip and this kid can't sing at all. She was horrible. Robin and Howard were laughing as they listened. Howard said the video is the best because the players were trying not to laugh. He said some of them were trying to sing along and they weren't able to do that because of the way the girl was singing. Howard said that the dad is upset about what people are saying about his daughter.
Howard had to cut the song off. He said he had to take a break before the news. Howard told Shuli to let his mom know to keep the reviews coming. Howard played more of the girls singing and Fred played clips of popping sounds like the girl was popping people's ear drums. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said Jon has a new TV show happening with Gary. He said he heard about that when Gary was staying with him over the weekend. He said Jon is very busy. Howard said he has a bit of a belly so he might want to drop a few. Jon said he's thinking about doing that.
Howard had Robin start her news after Fred played her in with a song parody by Eli Braden. Howard said he's some talent. Howard said they have a new one from Psyche too. Howard played that one which was to the tune of the Green Acres theme song. Howard said he did one to the theme of The Jeffersons. Howard said they put a lot of work into those songs. Robin said they do it for no reason too. Howard said it's to help people pass the time in their cars.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that JD was talking about Jenny McCarthey one day and he said that ''she is magic to his ears'' instead of ''Music to his ears.'' The caller thought that it was a Baba Booey-ism. Robin didn't think it was that bad. The caller said they didn't catch it. Howard said sometimes they do but maybe it wasn't that big of a thing.
Howard asked Robin what she had in her news. Robin started off with the Michael Jackson family controversy. Howard said that family loves Michael's money... or, kids. He said that the family is all fighting over the kids because they got all of Michael's money. Robin said Jackson was able to hold on to all of his stuff and now they say his estate is worth a billion dollars. Robin said he's a much better businessman dead than he was alive. Robin said that the guys who run the estate get 10 percent and the brothers get nothing. Robin said they also duped the mother into going off to Arizona with them and they got some fake doctor to say she needs a rest and spread rumors about her having strokes and the family wants to take care of the kids. Janet Jackson went along with it because she didn't want to have to support her brothers. Robin said Michael's mother has to go to court now to get control of the kids. Robin said she's fine and didn't have any strokes. Howard said he'd like to take in Blanket. Howard said the kid has to assert his authority and get out of there. Robin said that Paris is going to be a stunner.
Robin read a story about James Holmes and how he was wearing a Batman t-shirt to court. Robin and Howard spent a minute on that. Howard played some of the interviews Sal and Richard did with people on the street where they asked who is worse, Howard or James Holmes. There was one guy who said Howard is worse.
Robin asked what's going on with the Today Show. She said that their ratings continue to go down even after replacing Ann Curry. Howard said the new girl just started. He said this is the problem with TV. They want to see results within a week. He said it's crazy. Robin said her first day wasn't even good. She said that didn't even cause a blip on the ratings. Howard said they may need him to step in on that show. Robin said they're talking about how they might have Hoda take over on the show. Howard said they sent her over to London for the Olympics. Howard said he tuned into the Olympics coverage and he saw people playing soccer and he had to tune out. Gary said he watched some volleyball coverage and some girls had sweatshirt's on with a bikini top over the sweatshirt.
Jon said that the ratings are big for the Olympics. Howard said that's good because they paid a fortune for that. Howard asked if they're promoting AGT during the Olympics. Jon said he hasn't seen anything. He said maybe toward the end when AGT is going to come back. Jon said he doesn't like the Olympics. He said he just can't get into them. Howard said he can't either. Robin said she'd like to watch Tennis but she can't even find it.
Robin read a story about Kristen Stewart and Robert Patinson. Robin said they think that Robert has moved out of the house. they're not speaking to each other but they will have to go out and promote the new Twilight movie together. Howard said Kristen is only 22 and she's still a kid. He said that she wants to be with other guys. He said she shouldn't go with married guys but if she wants other guys then she should get out of the relationship. Robin said that the guy who she cheated with is still with his wife. She's sticking by her man. Robin asked if kissing is cheating. Howard said it is. He said she doesn't have to go all the way. Robin said that some people say that blow jobs aren't cheating. Howard said he thinks that Blanket Jackson should go out with Kristen Stewart.
Robin read about Mitt Romney going over to Poland to visit. Robin had some details about that.
Robin read a story about this woman who list some limbs to a flesh eating bacteria. Robin said she has 3 new prosthetics. Howard asked where she reads about this. She seems to have stories every day. Robin said it's not every day. Robin said that the woman is able to do some things on her own now that she has the prosthetics.
Robin had some audio of Dick Cheney talking about his heart transplant and how great he's feeling after getting that done 4 months ago.
Robin read about John McCain not being too happy about what Cheney said about him picking Sarah Palin to run with him 4 years ago. McCain said he's always glad to get comments 4 years later.
Robin read about a woman who stole a baby from a Harlem hospital 25 years ago and raising it as her own. Robin said she was arrested after they found out what she had done. Robin had some audio of the father of the child talking about how this woman stole 23 years of his daughters life from him.
Howard picked up on ''Bob Seger'' which turned out to be someone playing a Bob Seger song and doing nothing else. Howard tried another call. He wasn't able to get that guy either. Howard tried a third call and that guy was there. The caller asked if he's noticed that his interviews have been making more news since he got on AGT. He said that they have the Tiffani Thiessen interview mentioned in the news today. Howard said it's a funny thing with his show and a lot of the interviews he's done over the years generate a lot of press. Howard said he saw a quote from Tiffani in the NY Post or Daily News today. He said he hasn't really seen a difference in the amount of coverage.
Robin read about how Apple will be revealing a new product in September. Howard said he needs that. Robin said it will be the redesigned iPhone. Howard said he heard that they're changing the size of the plugs you use for their devices. Howard said people are upset about that. Howard said it's money people have to spend on the products. Howard said they say they want to put the plug on the same end as the headphone plug. Gary said he has a bunch of docking stations and things like that. He said he won't be able to play that stuff on them unless there's an adapter.
Howard wondered who would get the new iPhone first, him or Tim Sabean. Gary said Tim. Howard figured he was right. Gary said Tim is on his third iPad. He left one in the cab last week. Howard told him he has to value that stuff more. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Apple and Samsung fighting over patents. She told Howard about that. Howard knew some of the details.
Howard said he saw the trailer for the latest Wachowski brothers movie. Howard said that one of the brothers became a woman. Howard said that she doesn't look like a woman. Howard said he's happy if she's happy but it's such a dramatic thing. Howard said he can't imagine that the vagina feels that good. He said from what he's heard it doesn't feel that good. Howard said that his new name is Lana Cutchacockoff. Robin said they say that the new place to go for the operation is Serbia. Robin said there are only 5 surgeons in the Unites States who regularly do the operation.
Robin read about the trial of this guy Drew Peterson who allegedly drown his wife in their bathtub. Robin said that they think he may have gotten rid of more than one wife.
Robin read about India having a power failure that deprived more than half the population of electricity. They said up to 600 million people were without power. Howard said that country has to be the worst. He said it just sounds awful. Robin said they lost power in a huge portion of the country. Howard did his Indian impression and talked about how a day in the life of someone over there might be.
Howard said Robin went over there and she didn't last more than 24 hours. Robin said she couldn't take it. She said they had power when she got there too. She said she would have turned right around and left if the power was out. Fred played some Wendy the Retard audio clips where she was freaking out over her power being out.
Robin read about how Dennis Hopper's 21 year old son is accused of raping a 15 year old girl. Robin said that the girl's mother is suing Hopper's son. Robin said that the girl claims that they were communicating on Facebook and he invited her to his home with the promise of drugs and alcohol.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that NBC has been showing tons of AGT commercials and Howard isn't in any of them. He said they show Howie and Sharon but not Howard. Howard sounded shocked by that. The guy said that he's not kidding. Howard said he's not returning then. Robin said that he can't go by what this guy is saying. Howard said that better not be fucking true. The caller guarantees that he's not lying. He said he'll come to the studio and slit his wrists if he's lying. Howard said he'd like to see that. Howard said that can't be right. Robin said they love him so why would they do that? Howard said he doesn't know.
Howard took a call from someone who called herself ''vagina.'' Howard picked up and tried to get her on the line but she had a horrible connection. Howard wondered where she's calling from. He said it sounds like she's a million miles away. Howard tried talking to the girl but she sounded confused and the sound was awful. It sounded like she was juggling the phone while she was trying to talk.
Howard did an impression of what it sounded like and said he's never heard anything like this. Howard said they never have calls like this on other radio shows. The caller said that her friend was going nuts. Howard asked if her friend is vagina. The girl said that it wasn't. She said that it's Janelle. Howard asked what he could do for her. She wasn't getting to her point so Howard just hung up.
Robin said that Dennis Rodman is writing a new book for children. Robin said that he's trying to connect to his own children through this.
Robin said that there are people on the street begging for money all the time. Howard said some of them make 100 grand a year. Robin said she read about a guy who made 60,000 a year begging on the street.
Robin read a story about a guy who shot off his penis and now he's getting a new one made of someone's leg bone. Howard said someone asked him if he was Peruvian the other day and he had no idea what they were talking about. Robin said they're going to build this guy a penis out of various spare parts.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the caller was right about the NBC commercials. He said they must think that people don't want to see Howard Stern at all. Howard said that he's just made his decision then. He said he will not go back to AGT if he's not in the commercials. Howard said one season is enough for him. Howard said he's the whole show. Howard said he should be in the commercials. He said he's fabulous. He thinks he is. He said he knows he is. Robin said he was in the Super Bowl commercial. Howard said that's right. He said he feels he brought the level of judging up on all of these shows. He wondered what's up with that. He said he's done if he's not in them. He said he was leaning toward coming back but this just made his decision for him.
Robin said there is a new wave of violence in New York. She said they have to do something or they'll become Chicago. Robin said that a Brooklyn man attacked a tourist with a hammer in a park. Robin said that Chicago has a terrible problem with violence in the city. Robin said that this man hit the man in the head with a hammer and he has a fractured skull now.
Robin read about football player OJ Murdoch being dead from an apparent self inflicted gun shot. Robin said they found him in his car outside a high school he attended. Robin said that he was on the Tennessee Titans and they are shocked at the news. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon said he wanted to start off with Lisa G because he wanted to know what she feels about Jon Leiberman saying that she drives him crazy. Lisa said that it wasn't a surprise. She said that she knows that he doesn't listen to her. She said that she comments on things in the paper that bother her and she talks out loud. Gary said that Leiberman was very diplomatic. Lisa said she thinks it's funny that he leaves his headphones on if he's not even listening to anything.
Lisa said that she was going off about the Olympics today. She said that they aren't covering the Olympics very well. Jon asked if Leiberman does anything that drives her crazy. Lisa said that he has his headphones on so loud that they can't get his attention. She said they all have their little things they do that drive each other nuts. Gary said they work out of a room the size of a closet. He said they have a bunch of people in that very small office. Jon said that of course you're going to get under each other's skin.
Gary asked Lisa when she's going to bang Ronnie. Lisa said that will never happen. She said that he gets under her skin and she can't do it.
Jon asked if she was surprised that Ronnie was changing Kelsey's mind. Lisa said that it was fascinating to her. Gary said he has seen Ronnie working like that at the strip clubs and the girls listen to him.
Jon said Kelsey had a G-cup and Lisa says she has a 30-D. Jon said there is a big difference between her and Kelsey. Lisa said that she can relate to her having issues finding clothes. JD said that she has to be kidding. Lisa said it is hard for her to find clothes. She said she wears a 00-Petite. Gary said that Kelsey has a size 3 and she's still petite. Lisa said she can relate because she has a hard time finding things to fit. She said she had to learn how to sew so she could take things in herself. She said nothing is small enough around her waist and she needs it in the cup size.
Jon said there is a sizable difference between their boobs though. Lisa said she's just talking about the fit of the clothes. Gary said he thinks they were talking about the big difference in actual size. He said if you see Kelsey as a G then you don't really think that Lisa is a D.
Jon Leiberman said that he asked Kelsey what she thinks Lisa is and she guessed a B. Lisa said she went to a shop and got fitted and that's the size they told her. Gary said that maybe it isn't really a D-cup. He said that if you take it to a Macy's and get a D there it might not be the same. Lisa said they don't understand what cup sizes are. She explained why she's a D and the guys weren't really going along with that. Benjy was though.
Ronnie came in and said that Lisa got upset with him this morning. He said they were talking about the boob thing and he agreed that Lisa wasn't a 30-D. Ronnie said he thinks that she's a B-cup. Ronnie said he knows what he said. He said Lisa doesn't even need to wear a bra.
Lisa was smiling so she said that she finds Ronnie to be hysterical. Ronnie told everyone to be patient. He said that they'll eventually do something. Jon said they had to go to break after that.
Jon said that Ronnie was all about titty fucking that Kelsey girl. Ronnie said if you've got 'em then you use 'em. He said that he thinks that she's going to go through with the surgery. Gary said that he's not sure why she came there because she didn't seem to want their opinion. He said maybe she thought that they were going to tell her to get the boob job.
JD said that girl had great tits and she was cute. He said the tits put her over the top. Jon Leiberman said they had her back in the Howard TV control room and they were throwing money at her to do things in her bikini. JD asked why they didn't call him for that. Gary said that DePace was all upset about the way she had her arms covering up her boobs. He said that Scott was really upset that he didn't get to feel her up and JD did. JD thanked Scott.
Jon asked what was going on with the Howard TV guys. Ronnie said that it was just him and DePace betting that her tits would fall out of the bikini top. Gary said he went back there and saw Sal putting on some kind of show. He said that he wanted to shut it down so he told him to stop. He said Sal came to him later and thanked him for shutting him down because he might be going too far. Ronnie said that Sal was going nuts showing her how to do the jumping jacks and he almost broke his hand doing it.
Scott DePace came in and said that he wasn't cursing up a storm in the control room. He said he has felt a lot of tits over the years and it was his idea. He said that JD is non-threatening and that's why she let him feel her up. Gary said that she didn't really choose JD. She just went for a name they threw out for her.
Scott said that he felt Victoria Zdrock and he felt her from behind and his wife was pregnant at the time. He said she told him she didn't care but then she called back and one of the neighbors told her what he was up to and got her all upset.
Richie said that Sal crawled on the ground and looked up Kelsey's skirt. Gary said that can't be happening. Scott said that Doug wanted to do something with her in the back room and that's how that all happened. Gary said he didn't want to know anything else.
Jon asked Leiberman what he wanted to say. Leiberman said that Sal was following her around with Gregg Karmel and he was showing her how to do the jumping jacks so her boobs would fall out. He said that she was replicating everything Sal was doing.
Jon asked who was the most crazy today. Scott said it's Ronnie. Jon said that Robin was very vocal too. Scott said she has experience with that.
Ronnie said that Victoria Zdrock has a clit that looks like a guy's cock. He said he would have felt that up instead of her boobs. The guys were all laughing and wondering what the hell was going on with him.
Sal came in so Jon asked what was going on with him and Kelsey. Sal said he wasn't following her around. He said he was in the hall and Gregg was following her around. Sal said that he saw this girl and it was like someone hit him with a wand. He said she had these wonderful tits and he wasn't able to see straight. He said that the light shone down and he followed her into the control room. He said Scott wanted to see her do some jumping jacks and then they started taking out money and making bets. He was the one who was so worked up that he showed her how to do the jumping jacks and he hit his thumb and it still hurts. Sal said he saw Gary and Gary told him to stop so that's when he snapped out of it. He said that he was in such a daze with that girl. He said that's how powerful her tits are.
Sal said Gary saved his life and he's glad that he did what he did. He said he was ready to just go nuts with that girl. Sal said he wouldn't have done anything crazy but it was turning into a crazy frat party. He said if he had gotten the green light he might have done something with his pouch.
Scott asked who told him to go on the floor and look up her skirt. Sal said he was just checking the straps on her shoes. Sal told Scott he's an idiot.
Sal said he wouldn't have raped her or anything. He said the guys wanted to see her doing jumping jacks. He said the only thing missing was the champagne room.
Gary said that he was afraid that Sal was going to take his pants down and play ''Guess what's in the pouch'' or something. Sal said it almost turned into a no holds barred kind of thing. Gary said they can't have that there. Sal said he knows that and they won't have that. He said her boobs are hypnotic.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they have to let JD keep boobs in his hands because he stops being a mush mouth when he's touching them. Jon said he's right about that. JD said he doesn't know about that.
Ronnie asked why he didn't ask her out. JD said he's got something brewing with someone else. He said he will have to see what happens. Leiberman said it's a safety and security thing that's keeping him from doing that.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that even Robin was mesmerized with those tits. She said that she was surprised that Robin was dropping the ''tit'' word so much. She said that Robin wasn't even herself.
Jon asked Sal if that's what he was experiencing. Sal said he thinks that's what it was. He said that the fact that Robin was so mesmerized proves that they are magical. Gary said Robin said that's what she wanted and that was surprising too. Gary said that Kelsey wants to do this to change something in her life and he's afraid it won't be what she wants. He thinks that she wants to blend in with everyone else. Benjy said that it might work for her. Gary said that they're not going to be able to cut them down as small as she wants them to be and she's just going to be the big boobed girl who got the operation to make them a little smaller.
Sal said he's not saying that Robin is a lesbian but sometimes people like to experiment and they have their go-to girl. Gary asked Sal who his go-to guy is. Sal said he doesn't do that. He said he thinks that if Robin was going to do a girl she'd want to do this chick. Gary said he thinks this is Sal just coming up with a fantasy scenario. Everyone thought that's exactly what that was. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked Sal about his shaking today because he was shaking out of control. Sal said that it's his essential tremors. He has medication for them but he didn't take it today. Sal said that it works when he takes it. Sal said that Howard was trying to look at the app but he had a hard time seeing it with it shaking so much.
Jon asked Sal if he's still smoking the E-cigarettes. Sal said he is but he's not using the stuff that he was having shipped in from out of the country. He said he had some out of body experiences with that stuff.
Jon asked the guys about Kelsey putting them in a haze what was it that set her apart. Gary said she's a regular girl, that's what it was. Ronnie said that's exactly what it is. He said she's a natural girl from Pennsylvania.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought the best line of the day was when Howard told her to grab her boobs and say she wasn't going to let them go and then JD tells her to kiss them. JD said he wasn't joking about that either. He said she was able to kiss them too. Gary said it was charming and sexy when she did it too.
JD said he's going to get the DVD of her appearance today. Ronnie asked what he's going to do with them. JD said he will just enjoy them and re-live the memory. Ronnie told him he shouldn't do that if he has something brewing. JD told him to shut up.
Jon asked about the pants he wore to Teddy's wedding. JD said he had holes in them and he hated it. He said he looked at the pants before he brought them to the dry cleaner. He said he took them out at the hotel and they were full of holes. Ronnie said he had the same problem when he sent some stuff out to the dry cleaners. He said he had holes in his after they went to the dry cleaners. He said they claim they didn't do it of course.
Jon tried taking a call but the guy wasn't there. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about a guy in Miami who went into a theater with a shaved head and started yelling. Howard said he was wearing black gloves and yelling ''This is it! This is it!'' so a bunch of dudes tackled him. Howard said they jumped the guy and called the police. Howard said he yelled that he didn't shoot anyone so they asked what he was up to. They say he didn't have any weapons on him but he may have been drinking. Howard said he's an idiot. Robin said there is a lot of this going on in the country. Howard said he's another genius.
Robin said there was a study done and they found that the number of adults living at home has gone up from 17 percent in 1980 to 24 percent in 2009. Howard said that the parents get to keep their baby longer that way.
Howard said he can't figure out Mitt Romney. He said he's listening to some tapes of him and yesterday he yelled out ''Kiss my ass'' to a reporter in Poland. Howard said that's wild to him. He said the guy invited the press to go with him to England and Poland and then he doesn't want to talk to them. Howard said he's just pissing these people off. Howard said it's expensive to send someone on a trip like that. Howard said Mitt, or his people, end up calling people assholes and the whole thing is a fiasco. Howard said people are saying that it's possible that he didn't pay taxes for 10 years. He said that if you're running for President then you have to be fair.
Howard said he only took 3 questions during the whole trip. He said you don't invite them to go on the trip if you're not going to talk to them. Howard said he invited them. It's like calling the paparazzi and then taking a swing at them when they show up. Howard said he doesn't know what this guy is doing. He said he's really turning him off.
Howard said they're saying that Romney and Obama are neck and neck. Robin said the economy is the thing that's keeping Romney in the running. She said she thinks that they secretly don't want the job when they do stuff like this. She said that the family might want him to run and that's what this is all about.
Howard said it's like when Ted Kennedy did when he drowned that woman. Howard said that he had to be a fuck up so he couldn't get to be President. Howard said it's crazy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his movie Private Parts isn't available anywhere. Howard said the movie is old. The caller said he's trying to find it in Walmart and stores like that and he can't find it. The caller said he asked a guy at Walmart about it and the guy said they would never carry anything disgusting like that. Howard said you can probably get the movie on Amazon.com or somewhere like that. Howard said it would be funny if the guy beat up the guy at the store because he can't find the movie.
Howard said he didn't want to get started with that guy. He said he sounds like he's got a screw loose. Howard said he was going to ask why he doesn't own the movie already if it's the greatest movie he's ever seen. Robin said he'd have it on VHS and DVD already if he liked it that much.
Howard said Private Parts was a good movie. He said Walmart is one of those stores that would never carry anything of his. Robin said they manage their delivery system very stringently. She said that they are almost gangster-ish with the way they run their business. Robin said they become the only way to sell your goods and then they tell you how much they're going to pay for something. Howard said he was told that you can buy Private Parts on the Walmart web site.
Howard said people are missing the point on the whole Chick-Fil-A thing. He said he doesn't care what their political beliefs are for a corporation. Most of them keep quiet. Howard said when you're in business you don't want to turn off anyone. He said that's the smart way to do business. Howard said he's not gay but he does support gay marriage. He said he won't go to Chick-Fil-A now that they've come out against gay marriage. He said what the guy is really saying is that anyone can eat there but their money and beliefs are that anyone gay who wants to be married is wrong. Howard said that's a pompous thing to say. He said the guy just knows how to make chicken. He said that's not even healthy chicken, it's chicken that will clog your arteries. Howard said it's like they're making poison. Howard said he's turned off to that company now. He said he doesn't want to know what they think. Howard said if you want to come out against Hitler he'll back you on that but that's about it. Howard said no one asked their opinion.
Howard said he would ask his listeners to boycott Chick-Fil-A. Howard said some political guy was saying that they have free speech. Howard said no one is saying they don't. Howard said they should just shut up. He said maybe they're wrong and maybe it's okay to be gay and be married. Howard said it's so silly. Howard said it's not like all of these straight families are doing so great.
Howard said he's no fan of McDonald's but no one is saying where Ronald McDonald is sticking his dick. Howard said he seems kind of gay to him. He said his clothes are very questionable. Howard said he could be fucking Grimace or the Ham Burglar or someone like that. Howard said he'd guess that people who work at McDonald's are against gay marriage too but they keep their mouths shut. Howard jokingly said he's heard that Wendy from Wendy's is transgender. Howard said Wendy's keeps their mouths shut about what they think about gay marriage and that's the way to do things if you're a corporation.
Howard said he won't eat Chick-Fil-A because that shit isn't good for you. That's his main reason for not going there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they were watching the Poopgate on Howard TV. He said it was really funny. He said they figured out how the shit got on the light switch. He said he thinks that Tim didn't even turn the lights on when he initially went in there. He said he turned on the lights and saw what he did. Howard said he thinks Tim should come in and explain every bit of it. He said Tim isn't comfortable with it though so he won't come in.
Howard said he thinks that Mitt Romney should answer questions at a press conference and so should Tim. Howard said he could get it out of the way if they just talked about it. Howard said they need all of the questions answered.
The caller said that he'd like Richard and Sal to recreate the reenactment they did for Howard TV. He said they shot chocolate syrup into the toilet and it didn't work very well. Howard said he agrees with him on that. Other than that he thought the special was very good.
The caller said that they all came up with that theory about the lights not being on. Howard played a ''The Shitter'' movie trailer parody that he played earlier this week. He also played a song parody that Little Mikey came up with about the shitting.
Howard said there are so many songs coming in. He said Rachel Butera called in as Tracey Millman. Howard played that clip and she had Tracey threatening to use her finger to get blood from her period to write on the walls of the bathroom. Howard thought that was pretty great.
Robin said it's a total waste of time and putting yourself in danger for no good reason. Robin said she really needed to get her's done but Kelsey doesn't.
Howard said Sal was off his rocker on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard said he was talking about how Robin might have lesbian feelings for Kelsey. Howard played some of that for Robin.
Howard said he feels that Lisa G is off her rocker. Howard said that Robin went to get a bra at a special bra store. They told Robin that they have a new way of evaluating breast sizes and they told Robin that she's a G-cup. Lisa G went to that shop and she's usually an A or a B. That shop called Lisa a D-cup. Howard said that Robin is a D or a triple G. Howard said he can tell what a cup size is. They told Lisa that she's a D and she's so thrilled about it. He said she goes by the name Lisa 30 D because of this. He said that she's adopted it as her identity.
Howard said she's accepted it and she's just not a D-cup. Lisa came in and said she is too. Howard said she's not a D-cup. Howard said Robin's bra store aside, all of the bra stores in the past have not been D. Lisa said she was a 32-C before that. Howard said she wasn't a C. Lisa said she wears a C on the last clasp on the bra. She said she's petite around this area and pointed that out to Howard. Howard said she is not a D-cup. He said there is no evidence of that size being on her chest. He said he's not trying to burst her bubble but if a store told him that he was 15 inches he knows they're making it up and that he's just 3 inches.
Howard said they call her bra a 30-D but she's not a D. Lisa said she is not an A or a B. Howard said she's not even close to having what Robin has. Lisa said that she is a D. Robin wanted her to bring in her bra and she'll have it compared to her bra. Howard said he's sure that she can buy a bra that size but as far as her fitting in it, that's just not going to happen.
Ronnie came in and asked Lisa if she can do them a favor. Lisa said no. She said Ronnie's eye is even worse today than it was. Ronnie said it is not. He showed it to Howard and he said it wasn't that bad. Ronnie said it takes 10-14 days to heal. He said he just went to sleep and it was there when he woke up.
Ronnie asked Lisa to take off her bra in the bathroom and just bring it in and show them. She said she wouldn't do that. Howard said there is no way she's a D-cup. Lisa said she has a 32-C on today. She said they're insulting her today. Howard said she's taken on this whole thing with the Lisa30D on Twitter and she's not a D-cup. Howard said she doesn't even need a bra. Robin said she doesn't see anything there.
Lisa said Beth was there when she tried the bra on. Howard asked if she has a big, full bosom. Lisa told them to stop it. Howard said Carmen Electra is a D. He said when she walks in a room you can see them.
Richie Wilson brought in Robin's bra. They took a look at the size of that thing and it was huge. Robin said they have to put Lisa's next to that. Robin said that wasn't even her bra. She said that was even bigger.
Howard said both of Lisa's boobs wouldn't fill up Robin's bra. Robin said that 30 is a very unusual size. She said that might be why they call it a D. She said they don't even make those sizes. Howard said that woman who was in there yesterday was a real G. Lisa said she has to buy tops that are bigger and she could relate to that.
Lisa said that Howard's web site crashed yesterday because of Kelsey. People wanted to see her boobs. Howard said he heard about that. He said anytime they would play the replay the site would crash. Ronnie said people were going nuts on Twitter last night. They wanted to see her boobs.
Howard said the good word is that Kelsey is keeping her boobs. He said he has to take a break. He said the good thing is that Kelsey is going to keep her boobs. She's a 34-G. Lisa said that she's bigger around than she is.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she has to call Lisa out. She said she's a 30-D and it is hard to find bras but she can promise Howard that she looks very different than Lisa. Howard said of course she does. Howard said they have a certain bra type for Lisa and she's taken this to a new level. Ronnie said that he's going to go buy a 30-B for her and it's going to work. Lisa said it won't work. Howard asked if she's hiding something in there. Lisa said that she does hide them for work. Ronnie said that she can't hide it all the time. He said he's seen her out and there is nothing there.
The caller asked if she has been sized at Victoria's Secret. Lisa said that she has been fitted and the 32-C doesn't fit. Howard said she needs a B-cup. Lisa said that's too small. She said no one believes her. Robin said that it's a proportion thing. She said that the 30-D is a tiny bra and it's a misrepresentation to say she's a D-cup. Lisa said she's not making this up. Howard said she should go bra-less and Ronnie agrees.
Howard asked Lisa what happened to her banging Ronnie. Ronnie said that he did something to upset her and she doesn't want to do it. Howard said he fucks like a cave man. Lisa said that guys who brag about that aren't good in bed. Ronnie said he never brags. He said he doesn't walk around saying he can fuck the shit out of someone. Howard said he has class. Ronnie said he'll bang her at the Trump International and show her what he can do. He said he'll take her out to dinner too. He said it'll be a night to remember just like the Titanic. Robin said that was a disaster. Ronnie said it would be a great disaster.
Howard said Ronnie would take her to Jean George and then to the Trump hotel. Ronnie said he'll get a room overlooking the park. He said he'll show her everything. Howard asked if it's off the table. Lisa said it is for now.
Howard had Richard and Sal come in to do that. Sal wasn't comfortable doing it. Howard said Sal seems to have a D-cup. He said that Sal was undressed already. Richard was looking forward to it. He took his clothes off before Howard even started reading. Howard said Sal has some odd looking vagina.
Howard read the book and the scene is Richard pulling Sal's pants down gently. Richard followed what Howard was reading and caressed Sal's ass and grabbed his cock. Howard read about the guy hitting the woman and Richard did that. Sal told him to take it easy. Richard was spanking Sal and Sal was yelling out in pain. Howard said they're not done yet. Howard told Sal not to fight him. Howard read more and the woman was savoring each one and she was cumming and cumming. Sal was trying to act but Howard said he's had enough. Howard said Will just vomited. Will asked ''What is this?''
Howard asked if Sal was hard. Robin laughed. Richard said Sal wasn't that into it. Sal said that he had some sleazy redneck slapping him in the ass with oil. Lisa said she liked the wig. Ronnie said they caught her staring.
Ralph called in and asked if they berate women every day like this. Richie came in and hit Sal in the ass with a paddle. Howard asked what he was doing. Sal told him to stop. Richard said he grabbed Sal's cock and he though it was his balls or something.
Ralph asked what this had to do with Fifty Shades of Grey. Richard said it had nothing to do with it. Howard said he likes that Sal has that tattoo of his family on his arm while this is going on.
Sal asked Lisa if she gets wet and hot when she sees this. Lisa said it doesn't turn her on. Sal said that figures. Howard said Howard TV was replaying Richard grabbing Sal's cock. He said he had seen enough. Howard asked Lisa if she would have the baby if Ronnie accidentally knocked her up. Lisa said she would have it. She said she'd be up for that. Howard said they have to get together. Lisa asked if he's potent. Howard said he might be.
Howard asked Lisa if she would do Ralph. Lisa said no. She said that she's still saying no to Ronnie since he turned her off yesterday. Ralph said he's nice to her and Ronnie isn't. Lisa said she's never really thought about that before. Howard asked if she'd go out with Ralph instead of Ronnie. Lisa said she hasn't thought about it. Howard asked if Ralph would fit the bill or not. Lisa said that she doesn't have that kind of relationship with Ralph.
Ralph said he would choke her... until she shuts up. Ralph said they should all bang her and that way they won't know who the father is. Howard asked if she'd bang Sal. Lisa said Sal is fun. Howard said Ralph isn't that much fun. Ralph said he doesn't even want to fuck her but now he's bumming out. He said he has to go. Howard said he thinks it would be wild for Ronnie and Lisa to do it. Howard said he's like a cave man and she's all refined. Howard said maybe they can do it this weekend. Lisa said she's busy. Howard said they have to get it done. Howard thanked Lisa for coming in and went to break.
Howard came back and said that he was reading about Snoop Dogg in the paper and he went to Jamaica for some reason and he had this spiritual awakening. Howard said he changed his name to Snoop Lion. Howard said some dude told him that was his new name so he changed it. Howard said they're baked day and night over there. Howard said he's said that he won't do rap music anymore and he put out a rasta music album. Howard said it's easy to make fun of the guy but he's had some success and he can't go around being a gangster his whole life.
Howard said he gets what Snoop is doing. He said the guy is 40 years old and he can't act like an angry 20 year old anymore. Howard said it rings false. Howard said he loves the band Green Day and they're in their 40s and they're out there yelling like they're angry kids ''C'mon motherfucker!'' and running around. Howard said they have kids now.
Howard said Snoop hasn't turned into a pussy or anything. He said he's smoking weed with some scary looking dudes. He said he's trying to change things up a little bit. Howard had some audio of Snoop talking about how he didn't plan on this. He said that he went to this center down in Jamaica and how he got the new Snoop Lion name.
Howard said that changing your name doesn't always work out when you're already established. Howard said he kind of likes Snoop Lion as a name though. Howard played more of Snoop talking about his change and why this reggae is music of love. Snoop said now he can play some music for kids. Howard said he was listening to it and he kind of likes it.
Howard played some of Snoops new album. It's called ''La La La.'' Howard said that's Snoop Lion. Howard let the song play for a minute. Robin said she's not sure she can accept that he's speaking like a Jamaican. Howard said that Medicated Pete has become Pete the Star Man after going to that temple.
Howard said he admires Snoop for trying something new. Robin said it seems kind of like a rocker who goes country to her. Howard said Robin is such a cynic. Howard said he's not sure what happened to her. Howard said he's going with Snoop. They went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's been listening since she was about 11 and now she's 38. She said she wanted to extend her condolences about Bianca. Howard thanked her for that. The woman said that she thinks they should have this Howard-Con thing and she has some characters for people to show up as. She mentioned Janie the Cleaning Lady as one.
Howard said he was thinking about this Howard-Con and they could pull it off. Howard said they were kicking around some ideas about where to do it. Howard said they could have different conferences for engineering and some for the back office people. Howard said they could have their own booth and do question and answer seminars. Howard said they could have a Wack Pack area where they would hold panels. Gary said they could have booths set up too. Howard said maybe people who used to be on the show could come back and set up panels too. Gary said he would go to something like that. Howard said Jackie could have his own panel since he's so bitter.
Gary said they could have fans asking why they left the show and things like that. Howard said he would be like Shatner and Robin could be Leonard Nimoy. Howard said they could have a Howard 100 News panel and things like that.
Howard said the caller could come as Janie the Cleaning lady and maybe they could have a panel of NBC people. Howard said he could have people that used to be on the show back then. Howard mentioned Judy DeAngelis. Howard thought she was hot. Gary said she was cute. Gary said there were some hot women back then.
The caller kept asking Howard if she could say something but he kept talking about the people at NBC. Howard asked if some of the women who were hot back then are hot now. They were going over a couple of people like that. Howard said that's a whole other panel. They could have a wives and girlfriends panel. Fred did his impression of Benjy demanding that Elisa Jordana be on the panel. Benjy said maybe they'll be married by then. Howard said he should marry her because he can't do better than Elisa. Benjy said that she wants Howard to photograph her. Howard said he'd do that. He said she'd be easy to photograph.
Howard wondered who would put this whole thing together. The caller said she would help. Howard said he was thinking of turning America's Got Talent into something like that. He said they could have everyone show up to the show in costume. Howard said he's not sure he wants to take over the show for his own purposes. Gary said they do a Comic-Con every year in New York. He said they have a template for doing that. He said they could give the money away to North Shore Animal League or something. Howard said they could do that. Gary said they could give some to the Wildlife foundation that Howard donates to. Howard said they have people who have to be paid to show up too though. Gary said that some of the money might go to those people but the profit would go to charity. Howard said he doesn't want to make money off the audience. He said it's funny that people pay for the Comic-Con thing though.
Gary said that maybe Stuttering John would come and do a panel. Howard said the person who would make a fortune is Eric the Actor. Howard had him on the phone and said he would be like a main player there. Robin said he could have his own panel. Gary said he could. Gary said he would put him on wires and fly him in. Howard said he'd have a huge entrance. Howard asked what it would cost to attend that. Gary said they don't charge to go to the panels. Gary said they charge you one flat fee to come in for the 3 days. He said it might be between 4-600 dollars for the 3 day event. Howard said 3 days is a long time. Gary said they could do a one day for 200 bucks.
The caller said she would come dressed as Kenneth Keith Kallenbach. She said that would be funny. She had some ideas for some other characters she could dress up as.
Howard thought about having Donna Feducia come to the event. Howard said that the New York Comic-Con is $85 for four days. The caller told Howard he has to make this happen. Howard said he has a life.
Robin said this could really be something. Howard had Ralph on the phone and asked if he would come. Ralph said he would like to be in charge of the stuff that he has in storage. Howard said he has about 5,000 items. Robin said they'd like to make this happen soon. Ralph said he could do it this weekend. Gary said they do bring stuff like that to baseball card conventions. Howard said he has a lot of cool stuff. He asked Ralph what he has. Ralph told Howard he has a lot of cool artwork and guitars and stuff. Gary said that they have the penis that exploded on New Year's Eve that one year. Howard said that might have deteriorated. Ralph said they have cooler stuff than that. He said they have the Jackie Puppet and things like that. Ralph said people would rather see the puppet than Jackie.
They talked about the Fartman costume Howard has. Howard has other things that he could show. Howard said they could do this as Nassau Coliseum. Ralph said they should do it at the Javits Center. Howard said this would be pretty funny.
Howard asked what Eric the Actor would do. Ralph interrupted and said that Eric has to stop calling him and telling him what he has to show Howard and stuff. Howard said if Ralph starts doing that he's not going to let him in the house. Ralph said he likes talking to Eric but he can't be his conduit. Gary said that Eric wrote to him about how Johnny Fratto has to work him into the show more.
Howard asked Eric what he'd like his role to be. Eric said he won't do anything with balloons. Ralph said that whatever he agrees to he will go back on. Howard said he's thinking that Tim could do his whole bathroom experience in 3-D. They could have a whole symposium about shitting in the bathroom... in 3-D. Gary said they could do it in 3-D and have stuff come at you for real. Howard said they could have Howard TV shoot it the right way and have a Tim Sabean hologram. Howard said you want the real Tim there though.
Gary said they have another panel with the Program Directors. Ralph said they have to have booth babes too. Howard said they could have Penny Crone come back. Gary said they could have people who don't do the show anymore as a panel too. Howard said they could have Dr. Doody there too. Ralph said Howard would have to make an appearance too. Howard said of course he would.
Howard said maybe they could have a sleep over with all the fans. Howard said one night they could camp out with the fans. Robin laughed. Howard said on the last day Richard could blow Ronnie and then Robin does an enema. Robin said ''Oh god no.''
Howard asked Eric if he wants to be involved. Eric said ''Yeah.'' Howard asked what he would do. Eric said he has no idea. He said they should do it in Vegas when he's doing Vegas week next year for AGT. Howard said that's if he does it for AGT. Howard said that's too much work for him. He said they could have an Eric acting seminar. Howard said they could show his scene on Fringe when his head explodes and then his scene from In Plain Sight.
Gary asked Eric why he says ''no balloons.'' Gary said he'd be on wires and it would be safe. Eric said he's pretty sure that none of his doctors would okay it. He has a heart valve problem. Howard said he's not going to be flying for real. He said they can find a doctor who will okay it. Ralph said he would pay $100 to see that. Howard said they could have a whole panel where they just do shit with Eric. Ralph said he'd like to see that. He said he'd like to see Eric host a panel. Gary said it would be 55 minutes each. Howard said they could shoot Eric out of a canon or something. They could catapult him. Ralph asked if he would do it. Eric was thinking about it.
Eric said that he might be getting into a movie with Kurt Angle. He said Johnny is working on that. Gary made the mistake of saying he's in the WWE. Eric corrected him on that.
Howard said he'll think about this whole thing. Howard thanked Ralph for calling in and thanked Eric too. Eric said he found some web sites for Kelsey to work for. He sent that list to Jason. Howard said she's a nurse so he's not sure that she'd want to do that.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said she's been thinking about this thing ever since they brought it up. She said that she wants to go. She said that AGT is all about Howard too and they could make that happen there. She said they should do this so they can donate it to a charity. Mariann said she's so excited about this. Howard hung up on her in the middle of a sentence. Howard said he's staying away from that booth.
Howard said Bobo could be in Mariann's booth. Howard had him on the phone next. Bobo said he could talk about being a superfan. Howard asked if he would bring his shrine. Bobo said he would and he could give a detail by detail description of how to do it. Ralph said all he has to do is sit there and let people look at him. Howard said he'd go to that panel. He said he'd have a full day. Robin said Beetlejuice would have to be involved. Howard said they could do all kinds of things with Bobo's toupee. He said they could have a Gary the Retard ''fly to the moon with Gary'' event. Howard said they could all get in the box with him and fly to the moon.
Ralph said they could have people take pictures with him on the moon. Howard said they could make him stay on the moon for the whole day. He said Bobo could have facts about Bobo like how he was thinking that tadpoles growing up to be butterflies.
Howard said that he was going to ask Eric if he knows what they grow up to be but he had already ruined it. Howard asked Eric what a raisin comes from. Eric knew it was a grape. Robin asked where Werewolves come from. Howard said they come from Albuquerque. Howard asked what a pickle is. Eric said that's a cucumber. Howard said he thought he had him on that one. Howard asked Eric where a veal chop comes from. Eric said veal is cow. Howard asked what venison is. Eric knew it was a deer. Howard asked what foie gras. Eric knew that one too. He knew that bacon comes from pigs. Robin said that's right unless it's turkey bacon. Howard said he really has to go. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about that Riley Martin call for a few seconds. Howard was trying to talk to Robin but Fred was playing some stuff under him that he didn't like.
Howard said he was watching some of the Olympics last night. He said he saw some ping pong and that was boring. He said he saw some gymnastics stuff last night too. Howard said they did balance beam and parallel bars and things like that. Howard said that stuff is really hard to judge. Howard said you really have to know your stuff.
Howard said he saw some of the swimming stuff last night. He said he wishes that he had been a swimmer. He said he could have stayed in shape if he had done that all these years. Howard said his parents never encouraged him to do anything athletic. Howard said he threw a baseball to his father and hit him in the balls once and that was it. He said his dad blamed him for the throw even though it was right to him.
Howard said Gary told him about some girl in Romania who was born with no legs. Her father put her up for adoption and she was adopted in America. She decided to become a gymnast and she did it. Gary said she does a floor exercises. Howard said she became a state champion and she idolizes this girl from Romania and it turns out to be her sister. Robin spoiled the story when she blurted out the sister part. Howard said he was trying to tell this story. He said the girl idolized this girl and it was her sister and the dad was the guy who gave her away. He said that was something else but they ruined the story.
Howard said sometimes it's in your blood. He said that she had this desire to be a gymnast and her sister was one too. Gary said they were both Americans and the father was Romania. Gary argued with Robin and Howard about whether or not she was from Romania. Gary said that the parents left the kid at the hospital. They never took her home from the hospital. Howard said he didn't know you could do that. Gary said you can. Howard said it's nice to have that option.
Howard said that's some story even though it got botched. Robin said she told the story in the news weeks ago when she first read it. Howard said that shows how much he pays attention.
Howard asked if the dad is still alive. Gary said the whole thing gets weirder. He said the girl who stayed with her father and how she emancipated herself from him. That guy died in 2009 and the mom is still around. She claims that she's old school Romanian and she had to do anything the dad said. Howard said that's bullshit.
Gary said he spoke to Doug about that this morning. He said they were going around asking opinions about her boobs and they went from 0-60 and they were asking her to do jumping jacks for money. Howard said he doesn't want them doing that back there. Scott said it won't happen again. Howard said they do a whole show after his show. Howard told him to come in there and do the show.
Scott said that no one told them not to do it. Gary said that's because no one knew. Gary said that Scott was also pissed off that he didn't get to feel her up. Scott said he was just joking around. He said he wasn't pissed off.
The caller also told Howard about Ronnie talking about Victoria Zdrok's clit being like a penis. Howard said he heard that too. He played a clip of that. Ronnie said that her clit is like a guy's cock and he'd like to play with that. Howard said that was weird.
Ronnie came in asking what's so weird. He said Victoria is a girl. It's not gay. Howard said it's just weird that he's talking about it like it's a cock and he wants to get blown by Richard and all of that.
Ronnie told Howard that he's been horny since he was a young kid. He said at 13 he had sex and he tried sticking his dick in the girl's ass. He said that she moved away. He said that the girl was a strict catholic. He said he'd meet her at the bus stop and they'd run home to do stuff. He said that her parents found out that he was Jewish and the shit hit the fan. Ronnie said he was at the bus stop one day and the car pulled up and the father got out of the car and told him to stay away from his daughter. He said he just got in the car and drove away. He said that didn't keep him away from her. He said he would drive up to see her when he was in high school. He said he hooked up with her after she moved.
Howard said he should try to find her on Facebook. Ronnie said he should. Howard said he does that with women he knew. He said that most women will use their maiden names. Howard said the only problem is that the women are your age. He said that they don't look anything like they did when they were young. Howard said he has yet to find one that still looks hot.
Ronnie said this girl's mom was hot. He said he'd bet that she still looks good. Ronnie told Howard that he hooked up with a girl when he was 10. He said he dry humped her. Howard said that's really young. Ronnie said his dad came home early and they were making out on the couch and grinding. He said his dad came walking in and he was so embarrassed. He said he was only 9 or 10. Howard said he's all sexed up. Ronnie said it must be the Scorpio in him.
JD came in and said that the sports to watch are the women's beach volleyball. He said they have to wear body suits at night when it gets cold but that's not all the time. He said they wear bikinis and they have nice asses. Howard asked Brandon if he can jerk off to that. Brandon said he can't talk about that.
Howard went through the line of command at NBC and how Brandon is like third in command. Brandon said he does get to oversee America's Got Talent. Howard said he researched him before he signed on and he was impressed with his education. Howard asked where he grew up. Brandon said he grew up in Virginia but he was also overseas.
Howard asked what his ethnicity is. He said he's got some Asian in there. He said he lived in China for 2 years. He said his mom was in the State Department so they traveled a lot.
Howard asked what his SAT scores were. Brandon said they were good but he can't tell him. He eventually said he got over 1400. Howard asked what the breakdown was. He had 700 on the two different parts. Howard talked to Brandon about how bad he was in school.
Howard asked Brandon if he got into Harvard. Brandon said he didn't even apply. He said he ended up going to University of Pennsylvania. Howard said that was impressive to him.
Howard asked what his title is at NBC. Brandon said that he's the VP of alternative programming. Howard said that he's the one who put that Jenny McCarthy show on. He has AGT and Biggest Loser and Ninja Warrior too. Brandon said he helped develop Wipe Out over at ABC when he was there too.
Brandon told Howard that he worked at a lot of places. He said he's 35. Howard asked where else he has worked. He said he was at FOX, VH-1, ABC, Warner Brothers and a couple of others. Howard said that he thinks they need an idiot in charge of TV. Howard said they don't need a smart person in charge. Howard said that's why he's so successful himself. He said he's just as dumb as the audience.
Howard said they need someone who laughs at a guy spraying feces on the wall. Howard said AGT is high brow for him. Brandon said even horse. He said that he's not sure America loves Horse but Howard sure did. Howard said he could bring him back with a wild card. Howard said he has a few he's thinking of bringing back. Brandon told him to save that for the show.
Howard said he's thinking about going back. He said that they say he only has to work 30 days but it's so much more than that. He said they have him show up too early too. Howard said he loves doing the show.
Howard said he got together with Nick and Mariah over the weekend. He said it went well too. He said that he talked to Nick and Mariah and he had a lot of talking to do because of things he may have said about Mariah in the past. Howard said he hasn't been that great with Nick in the past either. He said he is now because he thinks he's great on AGT.
Howard said he gave Mariah some tips on doing American Idol. Howard said he thinks she'll be a good judge based on what she's told him. Howard said she's going to be very clear on what the issues are. Howard said she talked to her about not showing up late and things like that. He said her eyes were glazing over because she didn't ask for his opinion.
Howard said he got upset with Howie on the last show they did. Howie went a minute 50 and they were supposed to have 30 seconds. Howard said he only had 10 seconds by the time they got to him. Howard said he asked Howie what the fuck was with him. He said Howie didn't even apologize for it. Howard said Howie knows how long 30 seconds is and he wasn't saying anything that profound. Howard said he wanted his full 30 seconds and he would have made it dramatic. Howard said he just had to blurt out Dittleman. Howard said if they get another live show like that he's going to cut Howie off if he talks too long. Howard said he'll clobber him. He said he'll stick to his 30 seconds but he won't let Howie go on talking.
Howard said he said the other day that he thinks that the producers of the show were drinking because they put too many good acts on the show. He said he heard through his ear piece ''fuck you'' and it turned out to be Jason. He said that he was in the middle of talking to America and he heard ''fuck you'' through that ear piece. Howard said he didn't lose it though. He said he just kept talking. Howard said he could have yelled back ''fuck you'' right back to him. Brandon said that Howard started it though.
Howard said Brandon has a pretty cool job but he wouldn't want it. He said trying to figure out what America wants to watch on TV is hard. He said that you never know what they're going to go for. Howard asked Brandon why he left ABC. Brandon said Paul convinced him to come over. He said that he was in charge of shows like Dancing with the Stars and others. He said that he wanted a challenge so he moved to NBC.
Howard asked if Brandon would take Paul Telegdy's place if they fired him. Brandon said that he's not next in line. He said that it would be Meredith (Ahr). Howard said that Brandon has to pile the shit on Paul and make him take responsibility for stuff that doesn't work.
Howard asked Brandon what show he had that did really well that he didn't think would do well. Brandon told Howard that no one believed in Breaking Bonaduce but he did. He said that it turned out to be a hit. Howard said that was a great show and he believed in it. Howard said that show was insane. He said Bonaduce was dedicated.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to confirm the AGT commercial controversy. She sad that Howard is not in the commercial. Howard said he's going to quit if he's not in the commercial. Brandon said that they're taking the word of callers and neither of them have seen it. Brandon said he will find out today. Howard said it's crazy if he's not in them. Brandon said he saw one promo and Howard was in it. Howard said according to Brandon he's in it. The caller said she saw it yesterday and Howard is not in it. Brandon said Howard has been fantastic on the show. He said that he thinks all three of them are great. Howard asked him to rank them. Brandon said he can't do that. He wanted to go alphabetically. Howard asked if he's a better judge than Howie and Sharon. Brandon said he won't do that. Howard said he's first and then Howie and Sharon are next and they're equal.
Howard said he wants his own promo without those two in it. Brandon said they did that earlier this year. Howard said they have to have an apology promo too. He said that they have to apologize for not putting him in it.
Howard asked Brandon if he has worked at CBS. Brandon said he hasn't. He said he hasn't worked as an executive there or at FOX. Howard asked what kind of money he can make. Brandon said that you can make 300 grand. He said you get stock options and things like you would with any company.
Howard asked if he has a golden parachute. Brandon said he's not at that level. Robin said she thinks she could do a good job picking TV shows. Robin said TV wouldn't look like it does if she was running it. She said she would need a network where the shows have some depth. Howard said his shows wouldn't have depth. They'd have to work at different places.
Howard took a call from a woman who had shot cement into her ass. Howard said this is Rajee. She said that she wants to have an all transgender cast on a show. Howard said that Brandon would throw her right out of there. Howard let Rajee explain her show and it was transgender actors playing regular people. Brandon asked what the show would be about. She said that it would be about a psychotic, upscale family. She said it's a very simple concept. Howard said he doesn't have time to get into this right now. He said he's caught in a loop that he doesn't want to be in. There were actually two people on the phone and Howard was getting confused. He said that he really has to go. He hung up on them a short time later.
Howard asked Brandon if that's his day hearing stuff like that. Brandon said he's heard pitches where he thought that he was being Punk'd.
Howard asked Brandon if he thinks that Sharon is going to leave AGT. Brandon said he loves Sharon. He said Sharon has only said she loves the show. Howard asked if she's said anything informally to him. He said he hasn't heard anything. Howard said he heard that Howie will walk out with her. He said he was the one who told Howie that he should do that. Howard said he's inclined to come back but he's trying to figure out his schedule. Howard said it's grueling. Howard said his schedule is really tough. He said Brandon should try it out some day and do his radio show for him one day.
Howard asked what show he's most excited about. Brandon said Biggest Loser is coming back in January. He said that's what he's excited about other than America's Got Talent.
Howard asked Brandon if they'd show people dying on these shows if someone died. Brandon said they'd have to address it somehow. Howard said they should have shown the rehearsal of the bow and arrow guy almost hitting the girl. Howard asked if he had hit her then they'd have to show it somehow. Brandon said they would have to cut away if it was on live TV. Brandon said they did have someone catch on fire last season.
Howard asked what the back up plan is for Sharon leaving. Brandon said he's planning on Sharon coming back. He said there is always a back up plan though. Howard asked if they will consult him on it if she does leave. Brandon said no. Howard said Simon calls him all the time and discusses judges with him. Robin said he didn't talk to him about X-Factor. Howard said that's true.
Howard talked about Christina Aguilera and how she still tries to fit in clothes she wore when she was a kid and when she was thin. Howard said she's hanging out all over the place. Howard said The Voice got her career going again. He said she must be thankful for that. Howard wondered if anyone has ever told her to lose weight. Brandon said he doesn't work with that show so he doesn't know but he's sure they never have.
Howard asked again what will happen if Sharon leaves. Brandon told him to stop because he's getting Sharon all wound up. Howard said he's really not. Howard said he wants both of them to stay. He said he likes Sharon and Howie. Howard said they need to get a real nut to sit there. He said they need Mike Tyson. He said that guy is a maniac. Howard said that guy would be great. He said if Howie leaves, which he doesn't think will happen, they have to get Tyson.
Howard said they could get Fred Willard to come in as a judge. Howard said he can beat off during the show. Brandon said he just had a show that got pulled from ABC. He said he doesn't think that incident had anything to do with the show being pulled.
Howard asked Brandon when they need an answer from him. Howard said he was already asked by Meredith. He said he wants to see how the show goes when he's doing the live shows and the radio show at the same time. Howard said he also wants to know what Sharon is doing. Howard said maybe they could get Gary Busey or Courtney Love to come in for Sharon. Howard said maybe Coco the gorilla could do it. Howard said he'd work with Coco. Brandon said that's not a bad idea. He told Howard he should be a producer.
Howard said maybe Katy Perry or someone like that would be good. Robin said Rihanna might be good. Howard said anyone who would go back to Chris Brown has to be kind of nutty. Brandon said they need some kind of credibility so that's why Howard, Sharon and Howie are great.
Howard said Brandon has seen what it's like doing the show. He said he tortured him with all of this stuff. Howard said the network guys can't say anything. Howard asked who he would vote for, Romney or Obama. Brandon said he has no comment. Howard said that's because he wants to be a network president. Howard asked if he likes Coke or Pepsi better. Brandon said Coke. Howard asked if he likes Snapple or Pepsi better. Brandon picked Snapple. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he's done with Brandon so he doesn't have to worry about that. Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon quickly ran down what they were going to discuss today.
Howard took Mariann from Brooklyn's call again and she gave Brandon an F, Marry Kill but Howard cut her off. She was also upset about Howard not being in the AGT promo. Howard said he went through that already but he does want Brandon to look into it.
Fred played Robin into her news with a song parody ''Robin Titty Fucked My Cock.'' Howard said that guy loves Robin and you can't blame him for that. He said the song was kind of graphic.
Howard said he had some people calling in and pranking various TV shows. Howard said Martha Stewart was on a show a while back on Bravo. This guy called in and asked if she's been a lover of Howard Stern and Baba Booey's. The host just moved on. Howard said some people don't handle it very well. He said they give lectures. Howard said that's what gets them in trouble. Howard said they play those type of calls more.
Howard played anther call where a prank caller got through and said he was a tow truck driver and he told the news anchors some B.S. story and then said the cause might actually be Howard Stern's penis and balls. The news anchors said the would like these knuckleheads to keep that kind of thing to themselves.
Howard said a lot of broadcasters have a problem with the term ''bulging disk.'' Howard said there are a lot in baseball apparently and a lot of ''bulging dick'' is getting on the air. Howard played a couple of examples. One clip was a woman having some problems saying the term. She said bulging dick. Then he had another one of a guy with the same problem. He also said this guy had bulging dicks.
Howard said Jane Velez Mitchell had a breakdown when someone pranked her. Howard played that clip and Jane was talking to a guest about a trial and what she thought of the trial. The person on the line was a guy and she thought it was going to be a woman. The guy said he had a question and asked if he could suck on her... and got cut off. Jane went off on the caller for calling in during a tragedy. She said it makes her sick.
Howard said when you're doing a straight TV show and a jerkoff calls in just move on. Howard said maybe he should start talking like that with some of his callers. Howard said talking like that just encourages people to call in. Howard said yelling at them just makes them call back.
Robin read about Sofia Vergara is a proud 32-F cup and she has said that she wanted to have them reduced when she was younger but her mother talked her out of it. She's very happy that she never did it because they have helped her with her career. Howard said he's glad that they were able to convince Kelsey not to get it done.
Howard read through some of the email they got about Kelsey yesterday. Howard said a lot of people were writing in telling her not to have the procedure done. Howard read some from people who have had experience with these type of operations. Howard said he only got one from someone who said she should be allowed to get it done.
Howard said he knows the web site crashed yesterday. He said the site is back up and they have pictures of Kelsey and a letter from Rachel Fine trying to talk her into keeping them. Robin said she's glad she canceled her appointment.
Robin said today is Chick-Fil-A appreciation day thanks to Mike Huckabee. Howard said he likes the guy but for him to be anti-gay is just abhorrent. Howard said he supports the right for the people to say what they want but they're a business and they should just shut up. Howard played some clips of Sal and Richard asking people on the street if they would support Chick-Fil-A. A bunch of people said they support gay people but they would still eat there.
Robin read that Rahm Emanuel came out against Chick-Fil-A's values and some people in Chicago are upset about that. Robin had some audio of a guy saying that their city is bigger than that. Robin said he says that they're being too short sided in this controversy.
Robin had some audio of some pastor who says he's all for discriminating against gay marriage. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about that.
Robin read about how President Obama is doing against Mitt Romney in the polls. Robin said he's still got a lead against Romney but there's still a lot of campaigning to do. Howard said Romney didn't do too well on his trip to Poland. He invited the press and then ignored them. Howard said he only answered a total of 3 questions.
Robin read about Robin Roberts having to leave the show she does because she was feeling ill. She's been sick with side effects since having treatments for breast cancer. Howard did a live commercial a short time later.
Robin read a story about a woman who forced two toddlers to fight and then posted the video on Facebook. Robin said she's been charged with child endangerment. Robin said that the children were hitting each other and crying while the woman laughed.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who asked if he was mad that Sharon put through that dance group instead of that Wordspit group. Howard said he wasn't mad. He said he just wishes that people agreed with him. He said he can't get angry. He just gives his opinion and Sharon wasn't swayable.
Robin read about Michael Phelps winning some medals for the U.S. Howard and Robin spent a short time talking about that. Howard said he was intimidated by physical activity as a young man. He said he was never into anything like swimming. He said if he had a father who pushed him into that kind of stuff maybe things would have been different. Howard said he had no role model so he just took up masturbation as a sport. Howard said he didn't have any uncles to help. He only had aunts. Howard said that his mother would never want him to do anything like that either.
Robin read about the Women's gymnastics team winning a medal too. Robin said the Olympics continue today. She said they have all kinds of special equipment today that analyzes swimmers in many ways. She had some audio of a guy talking about that. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin got back to her Olympics coverage and read about this one Chinese swimmer who blew her own personal record out of the water and now people are accusing her of cheating.
Robin read about some teams that may have thrown games in a badminton match. Robin said people are watching very closely to see this stuff. Robin had some audio of one Olympian who got a shout out from some big star on Twitter. Howard said he had to take a break. Fred said they didn't have to. Howard said he has to go do something. Fred apologized. Howard did a live read and then they went to break. Howard said he just had to sign something. He told Fred to just play a song or something. Fred played a Green Day song. Howard said that sounds alright. He played Green Day's new song ''Oh Love'' while Howard did his thing.
Howard came back in the middle of the song and said he had to run back in there. He said he's so dedicated to his job.
Robin got back to her news and read about Cuba Gooding Jr. having a warrant out for his arrest after allegedly shoving a female bartender in New Orleans. Robin said they say people were trying to take his picture in this bar and the bartender asked him to leave. Then he allegedly pushed her. Howard said you'd think he'd be happy that people wanted to take his picture.
Robin read about the power being restored in India. Robin said that the grid system had collapsed there and now it's back on.
Robin read about a flight that was rerouted after a strange item was discovered. Robin said it turned out to be a camera. Howard said flying is such a pain in the ass now. He said that it must discourage people from flying. Robin said that it's still the best way to travel if you're going a long way. Howard said you don't really have a choice.
Robin read about some things going on in Iran and also some things in Israel. Robin said one man in Israel lit himself on fire. He poured gas all over himself and lit himself on fire. He was trying to get some welfare benefits and this was a protest. Robin said another man did something similar earlier this year.
Robin said that a bunch of Jewish people will be getting together at a stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey. Robin said that they will have a celebration there and they are expecting a lot of traffic there. Howard said that sounds like some night. Howard said he remembers reading the Talmud when he was a kid. He spent a minute on that.
Robin had some audio of Sarah Palin talking about the republican convention and who she thinks will be showing up to that. Howard said she always sounds like she just learned to speak English.
Robin read about Rosie Perez who is in a new movie and she filmed it in Pittsburgh. She was on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson last night talking about Pittsburgh. Robin had some audio of her talking about her experiences there.
Robin read about J-Lo's boyfriend and how he's been frequenting one of those places where they have booths and it might be a gay pick up joint. Howard said ''Wow... wow!'' Robin said that they have apparently spotted him there and there is a lot of gay cruising that goes on there. Robin said she's not sure what he's doing there but that's what Star Magazine is claiming. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:05am.
Jon said they have to talk about Brandon from NBC coming in. Gary said he has to apologize to Brandon. He said he didn't know that Howard was going to spend so much time with him. Gary said he threw him in the chair and he doesn't think he was ready for that. He was just there to observe and not chat. Jon said that happens there sometimes. Jon said he thinks Howard is happy with AGT and he'd bet that he'll be back next year.
Scott DePace came in to talk about the issues they had. Scott said that they're acting like he's the only one to throw someone under the bus. Gary said no one said that. He said that Scott was saying he was hardly involved in what went on back there yesterday. Scott said he may have been the ring leader but there were about 11 people involved. He said that Sal and Ronnie were back there. Gary said he spoke to Doug, Sal and Ronnie about that. Gary said he could have just told Howard that it won't happen again instead of throwing Doug under the bus. Scott said that's what he said but then Howard goes on and says something else. He said he did say he wasn't the only one and Doug was the one who brought her down. Scott said Doug tried to come off all high and mighty but he was there laughing along the whole time. He said he could have said it was a problem.
Shuli came in and Scott said that he was in there cheering the girl on too. Shuli said he's there to cover his mistakes. Shuli said Scott claims that he only did this because Doug felt that he had done a bit with her that wasn't very good. Scott said that he did an interview with her that came off kind of lame.
Doug said that Scott and Phelan came up with this idea to do this thing with everyone. He said they wanted to talk about their opinions of this girl. He said it just went from 0-60 real quick. He said Sal appeared and then more and more people started coming in. He said he knew he should have said something but in his head it was show content evolving and he didn't want to stop it. He said she was in there with a smile on her face and she wasn't in there against her will.
Gary said that it was a judgment call and he's made the wrong judgment at times. Gary said he feels that Scott will take responsibility but there's always a ''but'' in there. Doug said it did go to a place that they didn't think was right. He said Scott and Sal thought it went a little too far. Scott said he never got within 15 feet of her. Gary said he saw the video and he wasn't 15 feet away. He said he was within 7-8 feet of her. Scott said it's easily 12 feet.
Jon said it sounds like he was telling a different story today than he was yesterday. Scott said that he was the only one Howard was talking about on the air. Gary said he had spoken to Doug about it before he got on the air. Doug didn't have time to get to Scott though. Scott said he told his wife about it yesterday and she didn't care about it.
Gary said that it is funny that Scott always brings up another person. Scott said he took the fall for Gary's sleeping thing. Gary said that he brings up Doug's name every time when it comes to that story. Scott said he is still the one who takes the blame. Gary said he is to blame and they could go around in circles with this forever. Gary said he and Scott discussed using that camera and he told him he'd never use it. Scott said that he didn't use it, Doug did. Gary said he's not the only one who brought this up. He said it's funny that when he has this spotlight on him he lashes out at others. Scott said he doesn't do that when other people were involved.
Gary and Scott went back and forth arguing about that. Benjy asked Scott if he thinks that Doug has the responsibility to tell him to stop. Doug said it was on the tip of his tongue and he almost did it. He said the whole thing just kept going and it escalated. Gary asked Doug if it bothers him that Scott brought his name up after all was said and done. Doug said it really doesn't.
Scott and Shuli got into it again and Scott was saying that Shuli was in there cheering them on. Shuli said he'd like to hear the video of that because he didn't do that. Shuli said that if Scott was drowning he'd grab on to someone and drown them. He said he can't man up and admit that he fucked up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they're all a bunch of liberals there and they have to shut the fuck up. Gary said this has nothing to do with politics. The caller said that Gary piles on Scott every time because he's an easy target. Gary said he promises him that he and Scott are opposed on politics but that has nothing to do with this discussion.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Sam Simon is an asshole but that's a conversation for another time. The caller asked Scott how he can be so unable to take responsibility for his own actions. Scott said that people point fingers around there and he's not the only one doing it. Shuli said he sees him doing it 24/7 and it's not just the job. The caller said these conversations could be over quicker if Scott would just take responsibility. Scott said maybe he'll just go to therapy and get himself fixed. The caller said Benjy does the same thing. Scott said everyone there does. The caller asked Scott if he can just say ''my bad.'' Scott said he did that but they kept piling on him.
Gary said a couple of weeks ago Howard gave him a hard time for not telling guests that Robin isn't there. He said he took full responsibility. Scott said that he was the only one involved in that. Scott said if Howard told him he cut the show like shit yesterday, he'd take full responsibility. He said that he was the only one involved so that's on him.
Gary and Scott were going back and forth with who should take responsibility. Scott still wasn't taking it even though it was his idea to have Kelsey do the jumping jacks. Jon had to cut them off so they could take a break.
Jon said that Scott and Gary are arguing about who takes responsibility and who doesn't. Jon said they just can't get past what happened between them and it kind of bums him out.
Gary said he thinks that whatever is going on between them started before the sleeping incident. He said he has found things about Scott that he doesn't like. He said it's not all political either. Scott said they've never been close. Gary said they were closer for a time. Benjy said that their tension goes back to when they started at Sirius. Gary said it was before that. He said that they used to walk to work from the parking garage and they would talk about things. He said he got to know Scott better.
Gary said that he cold get into some stuff about Scott that he really wouldn't like. He said he was talking in the studio about his father, off the air, around the time he died. He said he didn't have much money left and how the health insurance didn't cover it and then Scott made a comment about how maybe he should have prepared better. Gary said that wasn't cool.
Scott said he went golfing with Gary once and they were talking about health care. He said it was about his mom this time. Scott said that Gary was talking about the gall of the people at the home she was going to be in and Gary said he would like the government to pay for it. Gary said that if someone works hard and they run out of money then maybe the government should help pay for it. Gary said that Scott can be very abrasive and not mean it. He said maybe that happened with that discussion about his father.
Scott said that what he said about his dad was a political comment. Gary said it really wasn't. He said it was a direct comment about his dad. Gary said he thinks that Scott has lost respect for him in some way. Scott said he thinks that he's a good producer. He's willing to admit that.
Ronnie said that Scott is a very angry man. He said Scott won't fight it out like he will. Ronnie said he's such an angry man. Scott said he really isn't. He said his life is full of smiles outside of this place. Ronnie said he thinks that Scott doesn't like anyone there. Scott said just because he doesn't like going to strip clubs doesn't mean he dislikes them. He said he and Will are good friends. Gary asked who his next best friend is after Will. Scott said he doesn't hang out with anyone else really. He said maybe Gange or some of his crew. Ronnie said he doesn't think that. Scott said Jason and Gary aren't close. He said maybe Jon too. He said Doug is on that good list. He said he doesn't like how Doug throws him under the bus with that whole Gary sleeping thing. Gary said he didn't throw him under the bus. He said Doug never threw him under the bus. Scott disagreed.
Scott said that he has people who think he's right about Doug. Gary said he thinks that people are afraid of him and they just agree with him so they don't piss him off. Scott said he thinks Gary is in the same situation. Gary said he doesn't think so. Scott said he has friends who he gets along with just fine. Gary said that he's talking about people he works with who are telling him what he wants to hear.
Benjy said that it might be time to do that thing where they could say whatever they wanted to say about people there anonymously. Gary said that was brutal when they did that in the past. He said people were in the fetal position after that.
Doug said he knows what he told Gary and what he told Howard. He said he told them that he takes full responsibility for what happened. Scott said he wishes he had known that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary was trying to pass off responsibility when the phone system was down. Gary said that wasn't him making a bad judgment. He said yesterday was a judgment call. The phones weren't.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Will and Scott get along because they're superior intelligence to the other idiots there. Gary said that he and Scott are one point apart and that means that they're basically the same. Gary said he'd like this guy to come up and take a test to prove that he's smart too. Scott said he's just saying that because of his Southern accent. Gary said the guy just questioned how smart he is and he doesn't care what part of the country he's from.
Another caller said that Gary takes the hit for a lot of stuff there. Scott asked for an example. The caller was trying to talk about Scott cut him off saying that he's a liberal. the caller said this has nothing to do with politics. Gary said Scott is a megalomaniac. The caller said Gary took the fall for falling asleep. Scott said that's not true. Gary said he took the full fall for that.
Gary asked Scott if he takes the fall for anything that Howard gets upset with. Scott said he doesn't have that much interaction with Howard. He doesn't know. They had to take another break after that.
Jon said they had to move on. He asked Ronnie what he was saying about Scott being an angry guy. Ronnie said that Scott is an angry guy and he brings up that same shit about the strip clubs all the time. Ronnie said he has nothing else to say about him. He has never hung out with him so he has no idea what any of them are like other than Will. He said it's obvious that he wants nothing to do with anyone else there other than Will.
Ronnie said that Scott had one barbecue 15 years ago and that's it. Scott came back and said that he has tons of friends. He said he doesn't feel like driving through the city to go out with other people. He said he likes his life in Jersey. Scott said he has gone out with Ronnie and the guys before and all he heard was Ronnie screaming. He said that it's like a false sense of fun when you go out with him. He said he thinks that he's loud just to be loud.
Ronnie and Scott were going back and forth arguing about strip clubs. Jon asked Scott if he knew Ronnie felt this way about him. Scott said he still doesn't know how he feels about him. Ronnie said Scott doesn't give a shit about anyone there. He said it's everyone there. Scott said he and Will hang out. They live near each other though. Gary asked if Scott would go visit him if he didn't live near him. Scott said he has gone to Doug's house and he's gone to Jackie's house. Scott said Gary wouldn't come down to visit him in Chatham. Gary said he would too. Scott didn't believe it.
Scott said that he doesn't think that everyone hates him there. He said that he doesn't want to go out with them and go screaming and yelling at a bar with everyone there.
Jon changed subjects and asked Ronnie if he thinks Lisa G is ever going to be with him. Ronnie said if it does happen they won't know about it ahead of time. Benjy asked if he thought she was joking around or serious about it at first. Ronnie said it was a shock when she brought it up at all. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
In the clip Howard was talking about how many jerks there are in the world. He said that his listeners aren't jerks but everyone else is. Howard said there might be a few jerks listening but very few.
Howard heard a strange hum in the studio. Fred said it was a whir. Howard looked around to find it. Howard turned down his microphone and it went away. Howard wasn't sure what it was. Robin said it has to be the new air conditioning.
Howard said everything bothers him. He asked Fred if he heard it. Fred didn't have headphones on. Fred said there's a fan in there that cools things down. Fred showed him where it was. Howard said that's just the equipment running there. Howard said that's right down by his left foot. Howard showed it to the TV camera and said that it's totally useless equipment.
Howard said he has an FCC license and he can't even tell you what that stuff does. Howard said he kicks it once in a while and that sets off alarms. Howard said now it's making noise while he talks. He said he's sure it's intermittent... and they happen at different times too. Howard said he can't believe how loud it is. He asked if they could put a coffee machine and a lawn mower in the studio too.
Howard said they've been number one for so long that they want to challenge him now. Fred played some audio clips of a train, a race car, horns honking, drills, saws, hammers and more.
Howard said they must want to challenge him. He said he makes a joke out of it so Tom just lets him have fun. He said that it's not too distracting to hear a motor running in there. Fred was piling on the sound effects and Howard asked him to keep adding more and more.
Howard said he's had enough so he had Fred turn it all off. Howard said he's trying to relax but it only works to a degree. Howard took some headphones and threw them. He plugged them back in and they squealed really loud. He said he has to get out of there because he's deaf now. Howard said he hates it there.
Robin said she was talking to one of the Scott's who works for the TV show and he was complaining about what they have to work with. Howard said this studio wasn't even rigged for radio.
Tom Chiusano came in so Howard talked to him about the problems he's having. Howard said they need room for guests. Howard showed Tom the equipment and how they could put it up against a wall somewhere else. Howard said no DJ there knows what that is.
Howard thanked Tom and said he can't argue with him. Tom said he'll have it looked at. Howard said Tom's innovation for the TV show was this clip. He took it and threw it in the garbage. Tom wanted the clip after he did that. Howard said he'll put it back up. Howard asked Tom if he cut his chin thinking today. He had a little nick on there. Howard told him to get that looked at.
Howard said Tom was in on the designing of the studio. He said he should have thought it out more. Howard said he put more thought into bumper stickers than he did with that studio.
Howard Stern Superfan Trivia Challenge. 08/02/06. 8:55am
Howard said that there are a few guys there, Sal, Richard and Richie from In Demand, who are always arguing about who is the biggest fan of the show. Richard and Sal came in and Richard was nude when he walked in. Artie was throwing out his sandwich because of that.
Richard told the guys that he wanted to psyche everyone out so that's why he was nude. Richie also came in and said he's been working on the show for 9 years. He was a huge fan before then and actually slept on the street for Howard's book signings before he started there. Howard asked Richard about what a fan he is. Richard said that he used to listen to every minute of the show back when he was working as an electrician. Sal also believes that he knows the show because he was a huge fan as well.
Gary asked Sal about the ''war paint'' that Sal had on his body because he had a female intern putting it on for him. Gary told him that's inappropriate and he should ask him to do it instead of a young, female intern. Sal apologized and said he would do that.
Howard said they had $500 and a copy of Madden 2007 for the winner of this trivia contest they were holding. Here are the questions, answers and who got them correct.
Sal said that he wasn't cheating and he knew it was John Davidson and he wasn't cheating but Howard told him he was cheating so he told him to get out of the studio. Everyone chanted ''Out, out, out, out...'' to get him out of the studio. Howard told the guy on the phone he was going to give him his own question but the guy argued that he had already won. Howard gave him the prize without asking him a question.
Howard told Sal that he will never have him over to his home after that. He said that dishonesty is not cool and asked him to admit that he had cheated. Sal refused to admit it and said that he wrote John on his paper and knew that it was John Davidson even though the other guys said his name before he gave his answer.
Sal mentioned that he really needs that money and he's been selling stuff on eBay just to get a train into the shithole that they're working on. Howard didn't believe him and then Brian Phelan came in and said that Sal may have seen the questions ahead of time because he asked him about a couple of them during a car ride yesterday.
Howard gave the win to Richie Wilson from Howard TV. He said the $500 was courtesy of this Madden football video game. He took a call from Wendy the Retard who said that Sal is a pussy cheater and he should go to his room. Even she knows that cheating is wrong. Howard wanted to give her a chance at winning $500 so he asked her a couple of questions...
Sal was still pissed that he was being accused of cheating but Howard was convinced that he was one. Bong Hit Eric called in and said that he would give Sal $500 to admit that he cheated. Sal said that he had admitted it and said that he did cheat. Howard wrapped up a short time later and said that Richard had gone over to Sal and rubbed his naked penis all over him so he did get some revenge.
In the clip Howard had some girls coming in and he said it should just take 5 minutes. Howard said they're just going to take their clothes off and get naked for them. He said he was going to spank them and then get them out of there. Howard said they can say where they're from but then they're out.
Howard met Christina who was a 34-D. She said they're real tits. Howard said they can't use foul language like that. Howard said the other woman was very tall and he likes that. She was 5'11'' tall.
Howard asked if the girls had fathers who molested them and things like that. Howard asked one girl if that was what happened to her. She said that may have happened a few times. Howard said he read about that. He asked another woman what her name was. She said it was Siobahn. Howard said she must have had something happen to her too. Howard said he's never had a Chinese woman in his life.
Howard asked the girls if they do lesbian stuff. A couple of the girls said they might be up for that. Howard had the girls start stripping down. He sounded impressed with what he saw. He asked a couple to kiss each other but they turned him down.
Gary said that they have a guy there who brought the girls in. He came in and brought Howard a gift. Howard said the girls were great getting naked in there. Howard asked if they take their bottoms off too. The guy told him to just tell them what to do and they'll obey. The girls said they usually do the commanding. One girl said she likes spanking men on the butt with paddles. Howard said he has been a bad boy. One of the girls said that she deserves a spanking. Howard asked if she'd spank him. She said she would but he has to remove his bottoms. Howard said he's not totally opposed to that. Howard said they're filthy girls.
Howard asked the Asian woman if she's 100 percent oriental. She said she is. Howard said she looks a little bit like May Pang without the droopiness of child birth. Howard asked how old she is. She said she's 22. Howard said that's so young but too young. Howard asked how she would spank him. She said she could have him over her lap or do it other ways. Howard asked if she would take off all of her clothes for her spanking. She said it depends on how bad he's been. Howard said he might have to do this.
Howard asked the guy who brought them in what he had to pay to bring them in. He said he has worked with them for 9 years in the business he's in. He said he does peep shows and topless bars. Howard said he sounds so legitimate too. Howard said he didn't want to upset this guy.
Howard asked the girl again if she would spank him. She asked what it's worth. Howard said he didn't know he had to pay for it. She said that Howard doesn't work for nothing. Howard told her to forget it if he has to pay for it. Howard asked the other girls if he had to pay them. They all said he would. Howard said he's gotten that out of his system then.
Howard asked the dude if he would spank him. The guy wasn't going to do that. Howard said he thinks this guy would chop off his head. He asked Siobahn if she will do it or not. She said she might. Howard said he doesn't have time for this today. He asked the guy what's up with these girls. He said they were up all night working.
Howard asked Siobahn if she would spank him with no pay or not. She said she would do it. Howard had Gary take the other girls into the hall so they can't watch this going on... unless they pay.
Howard had Gary escort the girls out so they could get Siobahn to do her spanking. Howard had never done this before so he asked how this works. Siobahn told Howard there are code words so he can get out of it if he's not into it. She told him how it works and Howard took some calls asking people if they wanted him to go ahead with it. A few callers weren't on the line when he picked up. Howard finally got a guy who agreed with Howard that Mark and Brian never do stuff like this. Howard said they do their stupid little stunts. Howard went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard came back with Siobahn and asked her if she was cold. She said she was fine. Howard said she's pretty much his fetish. Howard said she knows what she's doing. He had Jackie dim the lights for him too. Howard asked if she knows what to do. She said she does. Howard asked her not to hurt him too bad. She laughed. Howard said she has some body on her. He said she's got a great face too.
Howard had Siobahn come over and tell him how to do this. She came over and treated Howard like a slave. She was telling him to say he's her slave. Howard did it and Siobahn was laughing. She had Howard moo like a cow. Howard did it but she spanked him anyway. Howard kept mooing but she kept spanking him. She told him to roll over on his back. She told him to kiss her shoe. Howard did it. Howard said he's not sure what she's doing now. Howard asked what she was doing. Siobahn was silent. Robin asked what she was doing. Howard said she was resting her weight on his leg. She said he was her foot stool. Siobahn told him to bend over.
Siobahn told him to take his pants off. Howard said he had to go to commercial. He said he'd only pull them down to a certain point. Siobahn was hurting him and Howard was yelling out in pain. Howard said that was a turn on like you wouldn't believe. Howard said she took total control. Howard said she's something else.
Howard wrapped up with Siobahn and asked where they can see her dance. She said she dances all over the place. Howard let her go a short time later. Howard said she ripped down his pants and spanked him when he pulled them down just a little bit. Howard said it felt like she was trying to break his leg earlier too. Howard said he wanted her to throttle him but he doesn't think she dug him. Robin said she must dig kooky guys and he wasn't kooky enough.
Benjy's Behavior At Scores. 8/2/99. 6:15am
Howard and the rest of the guys discussed their trip to Scores last Friday afternoon. Howard said that Benjy was allowed to go even though last week they'd discussed not letting him go. He said he didn't see Benjy himself but heard stories about how odd he was. The first thing Benjy did was move his bowels in the bathroom and stunk it up. Then Gary said that Benjy likes to stare at people while they're getting dances from the strippers. Gary said at one point he could feel Benjy's stare from across the room. Stuttering John said the same thing. He added that Benjy would comment on how the girls were acting while they were dancing for John instead of concentrating on his own dancers. A couple of the other guys told Howard that Benjy stunk pretty bad without having gone to the bathroom. This is what Howard was afraid of last week and they warned Benjy to clean up that day. Benjy thought is was a manly thing to go in to a place like that and have the balls to take a dump. No one else thought it was cool though. Benjy said he had a really hot stripper who looked like Catherine Zeta Jones and said she liked his eyes. Howard also spent some time talking about going to see the new ''Inspector Gadget'' movie with his 6 year old daughter over the weekend.
In the clip Howard took a call from Michael Moore and said he can't figure this guy out. Howard said he did that movie ''Roger and Me'' last year and he thought it was good. He said they had Michael on the show and they raved about the movie. Howard said Michael said he was a fan of the show and that was great. Howard said he figured Michael was a fan.
Howard said a few months later, after he was there, he read an article where Michael was saying bad stuff about him. Michael said he's never said a bad word about him. Howard said he did say something nasty. Robin said she met him at a movie opening and he said ''ugh'' when she was introduced. Howard said he thinks that Michael's new show ''TV Nation'' is good. Howard said he heard he wanted to come on the show and promote it but he remembered how he bad mouthed him in the press. Howard said he came to his face and said he liked him. He said he thought he was one of those real guys who says what's on his mind. Howard asked who he really is.
Michael said he really doesn't know what he's talking about. He didn't know what Robin was talking about either. Robin said she knows what happened. Howard asked why he would use him like that. He's not supposed to be like that. Howard said he's supposed to be a friend to the working man. Michael said he really does like Howard and this must have been taken out of context or it was made up. He said he's shocked at some of the things he's seen in the paper about what he's said or done. Michael said he must have been misquoted.
Howard said he thought they were on good terms. Michael said he's been listening to Howard since he was on W-4 years ago. He said this is coming from out of left field. Howard said Michael is kind of irreverent but he works clean. Howard said he goes out and confronts people like Stuttering John does. Howard said he seems so sincere. Michael asked why he would trust any of the shit in the newspaper. Howard told him he has to watch his language.
Howard said Michael is saying he likes him. Michael said he's calling Page Six right after this to trash him. Robin said she got the coldest shoulder from Michael out in public. Michael said she must have him confused with someone else. Robin said she's not confused at all.
Howard and Michael talked about some of the stuff that they do on TV Nation. Howard liked some of the bits they were doing. Howard said it's like 60 Minutes with more of a slant on it. He said he really likes the show.
Howard said at first he thought about saying ''Screw him'' when Michael wanted to come on. Michael said that it's really not true that he was bad mouthing him. Michael said that if he gave Robin the cold shoulder it's just because he's lacking social skills. Howard said Michael is doing pretty good. He produced that John Candy movie and then he died. Michael said he died on the movie he did after his movie. Howard asked if he read what John Candy was eating before he died. He said the guy was a good guy but he was eating a lot. Michael said he was a great guy. Howard said he was on a suicide binge and he was out of control.
Howard asked if Michael ever saw John eating. Michael said he never did. He said he was actually taking very good care of himself when he saw him. He said that was a few months before he died. He said his family had a history of heart disease.
Howard asked Michael if he's married. Michael said he actually did get married since he last saw them. Howard asked if it's a black woman. Michael was just listening and laughing as Howard tried to figure out what's going on with him. Howard asked why he got married. Michael said he married his girlfriend from Flynt.
Howard gave Michael some more plugs for his TV show. He and Robin both really like the show. Robin talked about one segment that they did that she liked. That was about Merrill Markoe who works on the show.
Howard told Michael he has no problem saying he likes the TV show now that they've cleared the air. Howard asked if he's getting good ratings. Michael said he's not sure how the ratings work exactly. Howard said the bigger the number, the better. He said they have boxes out there that monitor what people watch.
Michael asked if Howard misses Detroit. Howard said he hated it and doesn't miss it at all. Michael said he's glad that they cleared up that stuff. Howard said he's glad too.
Howard said he hopes that people go to see that movie with John Candy in it. Michael said the movie is very funny. He hopes that they go see it. Howard said they might think it's too morbid. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said he has to find that article where Michael bashes him. He said it must have been too much work for Gary to find it. Howard said Gary isn't really effective anymore. Howard said he might have to fire Gary. He said he used to be more effective and it might be time to get rid of him. Robin said you'd think he'd be nervous with that child coming. Howard said Gary thinks that he'll never fire him. He said he figured he would have moved on by now. Howard said when he quits in a year and a half he'll have to get rid of him. Howard said he knows it's time for a new producer but he can't fire Gary at this point. Robin said it wouldn't be right at this point.
Howard told Grillo to tell Gary to put down his Newsday and get in there. Gary came in so Howard told him he's a bright guy. He said he keeps a whole archive of stuff people have said about him. He said Gary could have gone and found that article for him to read. Gary said he was wrong. He said Howard is right and he should have done that. Howard said that's his job and he should find stuff. Gary said he usually does that kind of thing but this time he screwed up.
Fred worked the Gary Puppet and pointed out that Gary had a ''Bite Me'' t-shirt on. Howard said Gary will wear anything. The puppet was goofing on Gary and how he spent all last night putting his bag of M&M's in alphabetical order.
More News And Other Stuff. 08/02/1988. 9:05am
After the break Howard still had Jessica in the studio. He was doing his live commercials and she was still in there talking to them. Robin got back to her news after that. She read through some stories and Gilbert stuck around to comment on that stuff.
Jessica finally left so Howard got back to Robin's news and talked about some of the stuff that was in the news. Robin read through the rest of her news while Howard and Gilbert goofed around with some of the stuff she was talking about.
Howard spent some time with Gilbert and said he was going to play the Karen Carpenter Story that he had played earlier. He spent a few minutes talking to Gilbert about opening up for Belinda Carlisle and not having a good time with that.
Howard spent a little more time talking about his Hollywood Squares experience. He talked about what a pain in the ass it was over there and how he really didn't have a good time. He told the guys about all of the people who were there on the show with him. He talked about Michael Winslow and how he spits when he makes those sound effects he does. He said that he was talking to him during the show too while they were shooting the show. Howard goofed on some, if not all, of the people who were on the show with him.
Howard had a woman come in to meet him toward the end of the show. He spent a few minutes with her and asked her a bunch of questions about her breasts and her weight loss. She was in for a sponsor that Howard was doing a commercial for.
In the clip Howard was talking about a guest they had coming up. Gary came in and Howard got mad at him and pointed out the things he does wrong. Howard said they made a contact with a guy at Warner Brothers. He said Gary got a shipment of stuff that was addressed to him. Howard said that Gary is supposed to have that stuff delivered to him, not to himself. Howard said that the guy from Warner wants his stuff talked about on the air so he should be able to see this stuff. Howard said that some of the videos Gary is getting are pre-release. He said he can't just go out and buy those.
Howard said he saw some videos in Gary's corner where he keeps stuff to take home. Howard said it's like a Christmas corner for Gary. Howard said he asked Gary what it was doing there and Gary said the guy had given it to him. Howard said he was going to take it. Gary said he told Howard to take them because he's not going to watch them. Howard said that he was put in the awkward position of asking what they were. He said Gary wasn't interested in them but he was going to take them home.
Howard said if he hears that Gary took stuff home that he didn't see then he's done. Howard said Gary seems to be confused with this stuff. Gary said he wishes he could save the original letter that he got from the guy. He said he was on the mailing list because he has to take so much crap from Howard. Howard said that proves that he's even stupider than he thought he was. Howard said even if the guy sends him stuff because he's going to the electric chair he wants to know what he gets. Howard said the reason he gets stuff is because he works for this show. He said he has to keep his job by keeping his boss happy.
Howard said Gary has to examine his attitude. He said Gary thinks he's a big shot there. Gary said that Howard has told him to take stuff home because he doesn't use it himself. Howard said maybe he changed his mind since last week. Howard said he will decide. He said he lets Gary keep everything but he wants to know what he's taking home. Howard said he wants to know what is going on with promotional items. Howard said he has to take a break now. He said he needs a break from Gary.
Paul Mckenna, 'the worlds funniest hypnotist', comes in. 8/2/96.
Paul has been in before to hypnotize some Scores girls in to thinking that Elephant Boy was a nice looking guy. He came in again today to hypnotize some interns. He also wanted to plug his ABC show 'The Worlds Funniest Hypnotist' which will be on at 8pm EST tomorrow night. Gary came in and said that he wasn't hypnotizable but a few of the female interns were. And so was Doug from the E! crew. Doug was the first to come in to the studio. Mckenna had Doug tell untruths to everyone in the studio. He was saying that he was a heart surgeon and that he dates Robin on a regular basis. He also said that he was the inventor of Windows 95! After telling his lies Mckenna had Doug come out of the hypnosis but told Doug to remember what he had just said. Doug got really embarrassed and couldn't believe what he himself had just said. The next two hypnotized victims were interns, Christina and Leslie. These two weren't as convincing as Doug. Christina was saying that she was the 'real' Robin Quivers and the Robin in the studio stole her job. After arguing with the Robin we all know and love, Christina became Kathie Lee Gifford. She played it too mellow. She told some lame stories and sang really bad. Leslie was hypnotized into thinking that she dates Howard. This seems to be one of Howard's favorite things to do with hypnotized women. He does it almost every time that people are hypnotized. Leslie was saying that she love's Howard's ass. She saw it at the movie shoot when he was dressed up in his Fartman uniform. I guess those dimples in his ass turn her on. She also said that she's having his baby! She also sang to Howard. She's a little better at it than Christina...but not much! She also talked about her sexual experience with Howard. Howard said that he wants her to get rid of the baby but she refused.
Mike Tyson And Beetlejuice Audio Clips. 08/02/04. 9:20am
Howard had some tape of the guys trying to get Beetlejuice to read some promos last week when he was in. You have to tell Beetlejuice what to say but he doesn't pay attention and it turns into an Abbott and Costello bit. KC came in and told Howard how tough the whole thing was and he doesn't know why. They're usually able to get him to just repeat after them but this time it was really hard. Beetlejuice goes off on KC in one clip. He was ready to fight him over the whole thing. Howard said he could listen to that stuff all day long. Beetlejuice sounded really pissed off and he was saying he wasn't there to fool around, he was there to promote his stuff. Artie did an impression of Beetle for a few seconds before Howard had Robin start her news.
Howard said Eric called back and complained again about his voice mails being used on the air. Eric said he does not leave these messages so they can be used in those ''stupid comedy bits.'' Eric called Howard a ''big nosed, dumbass'' for thinking that he's leaving those messages just for them to use in bits. There was a lot of noise coming from Eric's room when he made the call so the guys goofed on that. Howard said that he really does sound like a sinister villain when he leaves those messages. He and Artie had a little fun with that doing impressions of Eric for a few seconds.
Two Truths And A Lie Game. 8/2/99. 8:05am
After KC got rid of Andrea the stripper he had some of his 2 Truths and a Lie games to play. This is where he gets 2 true stories and one false story from different people on the show and everyone else has to guess which one is false. The first stories were about Fred:
In the clip Howard was talking about the song parodies they had for OJ Simpson. He said the guys from the band The Tokens there to sing their song parody. Howard said the guys were willing to sing their parody if it was good so they showed up.
Howard said he wanted to play some of the bad parodies that they had coming in before getting The Tokens in there. Howard said he has to hear the ''I see OJ'' phony phone call to Peter Jennings. Howard said everyone has heard it but it's worth playing again. Robin said it's the best. Howard played the call where this guy claims to be Robert Higgins and tells Peter Jennings that he's looking at OJ in his Bronco. Jennings asks questions about what he sees. He ends the call with ''And Baba Booey to y'all.'' Jennings has no idea what happened so Al Michaels has to tell him it was a ''totally farcical'' call. That led to Billy West doing his Al Michaels impression. Howard said he could hear that again and he never gets sick of it. He replayed the call again.
Howard said they have a lot of song parodies to play. He played one that was to the tune of ''Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay.'' Howard only played a few seconds of that before cutting it off. Howard said they have The Tokens coming in to do the parody too. Gary said they have to say that the views in the song aren't those of The Tokens.
Howard played another parody where a guy was doing an awful Kermit the Frog impression and singing about OJ. He had another one where a guy was doing a Jimi Hendrix song parody and singing like Hendrix. Howard said he had another one which was a parody of ''Little Pink Houses'' and it was ''Little Padded Cell.'' Howard said everyone has to make their songs racial. Gary said he has one more in his hand. Howard said this one is called ''OJ's Run'' and it was like a Jackie song. Fred threw in some Jackie clips as the song played. Billy West did his Jackie laughs too. Howard said that was the latest batch of song parodies. He said they'll take a break and come back with The Tokens.
After the edited out break they came back with The Tokens. Howard said Steve Grillo's mom hired them a few years ago to play at a party she had. Howard said he doesn't think they've been anywhere in a while. The guys said they actually travel a lot. Howard said everyone is excited about this song. He had the guys perform the parody which was to the tune of their song ''The Lion Sleeps Tonight.''
After the song Howard took some calls and one of the guys was the guy who wrote one of the parodies they played earlier. Other callers were saying The Tokens parody was great. Howard said the reviews are in and The Tokens have scored again. Howard said this was an exciting day.
Crazy Fans, Various News And More. 08/02/04. 6:40am
After the commercials Howard asked Robin if she had seen some dude with his kid there at the studio. He said that the guy was asking to come up to the studio because he and his son are big fans of the show. The security guy there had to keep taking him out of the parking garage. It was kind of creepy. Howard read some of the stuff that the guy was saying to try and get up to the studio. He doesn't think a guy should put his kid through stuff like that though. He doesn't want to make the guy look bad to his kid but you just don't do that. He eventually broke down and said he felt bad for the kid so he wanted to let him come up.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that the guy has been there since before 4 this morning because he had another security guy take down the note that they ended up giving to Howard. While they waited for that guy Howard brought up a story about Paris Hilton being all bruised and claiming that Nick Carter had beaten her. Howard talked about that for a minute and said that it should be on tape because Paris never travels anywhere without a camera on her. He pointed out that she got right on camera after she was beaten and went out shopping. She had a fat lip and a black eye as well but it didn't stop her from shopping out in The Hamptons. Robin said this would have been great on that reality TV show of hers. Howard said they should have her on with Tom Sizemore because he'd teach her a lesson.
Howard asked Robin about the Mike Tyson fight and how he was knocked out in the fourth round. Robin said she didn't see it be read some stuff about it. Artie also heard that Tyson had knocked the other guy down a couple of times before the guy came back and knocked him out. They were talking about how Tyson is broke now and wondered what he did with all of the money he had.
Howard brought up a story about Michael Douglas' stalker whose lawyer is blaming Catherine Zeta Jones for his client's suicidal thoughts. Howard said he could never be a lawyer because he couldn't defend people like that. Robin and Howard talked about that for a little while and pointed out how crazy this chick sounds.
Nicolas Cage got married over the weekend so Howard brought that up and said that he's a weird dude as well. He married a waitress. The guys said that he seems like he's always trying to save people or something like that. Howard said this is some kind of weird trend in Hollywood and there are a couple of celebrities who are marrying waiters and waitresses.
Howard Talks To A Wacky Fan And His Son. 08/02/04. 6:50am
Gary came in a short time later with the nutty father and son team, Joe and Nick, that were trying to get up to the studio. Howard said he only wanted them in for a few seconds. He told the guy he felt bad for his son and that was the only reason he let him up. The kid told Howard that they're both into the show but Robin figured that his father got him into it. Howard sent the kid out for a minute and asked the dude what he was doing. The guy said that he got up at 4:45 this morning to come down to the station. They were there on vacation and he wanted to come down to meet them. The guy admitted it was his desire but it turned into his son's desire as well. Howard told the guy that he was using his son for this whole thing and if he had showed up alone, he never would have gotten up there. Howard told the guy to put his son's needs ahead of his own.
The dad told the guys that he took his son to a Yankee's game when they showed up there because that was a wish his son had for the summer. Howard told the guy he had to be kidding with all of this stuff. Howard told the guy he was going to bring the kid in and make his father look like a champ because he feels bad for him. Howard said the guy is screwing up his kid but he was going to try and help him out. The guy said that he and his wife split up because she wasn't ''filling his needs.'' The guys talked to him about that for a few seconds before bringing the kid back in.
Howard asked the guy what his son's name was and brought him back in to talk to him. The kid, Nicholas, came back in and told Howard about what he and his father did while they were there. The guy took the kid shopping for new sneakers and to Toys R Us and stuff. Howard told the kid that his dad was a good guy. Then they found out that the kid is a diabetic. He carries around a fanny pack with the stuff he needs to check his blood. Howard asked Gary what they had for the kid as a prize for the kid. All they had was a picture and an autograph though. Gary told him that they had something from Steven Singer Jewelers but that was it. The kid said they already have 3 Xbox's so they don't need another one of those. The kid said they have two at his father's house so he and his sister don't fight over it. Howard spent another minute with the guy and his kid before wrapping up the interview.
In the clip Howard read the love letter he got in the mail. The writer was talking about her fantasy about Howard that had her tied up in bed with handcuffs. Howard said she has a metal bed and bondage bracelets on each wrist. Howard said that's connected to a collar on her neck. Howard said she's very vulnerable.
Howard read more of the letter and the woman claims that she had an orgasm in her sleep thinking about him. She said that she wants to come to the studio to do stuff for him too. Howard said she sent a picture along with it. Howard said she's 6' tall. Howard read about her measurements and she said that she's bisexual too. Howard said she's dying to see him and she'll do anything it takes to get in there. Howard said she left a number too.
Howard said they should call. He said she says that she's fine if they don't get her in there for her birthday which was a couple of days ago. Howard made the call.
Howard tried calling but he had trouble reading a number. Jackie told him it was a 2. Howard thought it was a 3. Howard tried calling again. This time he got her.
Howard told the woman he got her letter. She sounded like she was half asleep. Howard asked what he should call her. She said he can call her anything. Howard called her Mimi. Her name was really Lisa. She told him that she was on the line with her roommate Kelly.
Howard asked Lisa if she's really hot. She said she's so in love with him. She said she is so hot over him. Howard said he's so aroused. She said she's got a guy she's been seeing for years and people say he looks like Howard. Howard said she should be with the real thing. Howard asked if she's really 6 feet tall. She said she is. Howard asked if she has any fat on her belly. She said she doesn't.
Howard asked if Lisa wants to come in there. She said she odes. Kelly said she wants to watch. Lisa said Kelly told her that she's ''ready.'' Howard said he's aroused and he's so horny at 40. Howard wondered how he can be so horny at that age.
Howard asked Kelly what she looks like. She said she's like 5'5'' and she weighs 112. Howard said she must have a hot body too. Lisa said she does. She said she's a little thing. Lisa said Howard could have the best of both worlds with the two of them. Howard asked if they're models or actresses. They said they're career girls. They work during the week and then rage on the weekends. Howard asked if they have done anything together. Lisa said they don't because they're not each other's types.
Lisa claims that she was with one girl and the other girl said she was really good. She said it was fairly recent. Howard asked how she met her. Lisa said she met her on a 900 number. She said she put her name on a date line and they got in touch like that. Howard said he's not sure he could be with her if she's so picky. He was joking about that.
Lisa said she's pretty sure she climaxed in her sleep thinking about Howard. Howard and the guys were getting all worked up over that.
Howard asked Lisa when she's going to get there. She said she will fly in as soon as her boss flies her there. She said she's going to talk to him today.
Howard asked Lisa what this other girl looked like when she was with her. She said she looks like Sandra Bullock. Howard said she and Kelly should kiss right now. Kelly said she has done that before. Howard said everyone is doing everything these days.
Howard had the girls make out over the phone. They did it for him. Robin heard a sound that made her say ''Ick!'' Howard said that's not what he was thinking. The girls were cracking up at the kiss. Lisa said that she has to call him with her girlfriend. Kelly asked Howard to set her up with a really good looking chick. Howard asked what's wrong with Lisa. Lisa said they've been good friends for a long time. Howard said it didn't sound so friendly to him.
Howard asked to talk to Kelly but he didn't last long with her. Howard asked Lisa if she wants to get it on with Kelly and she just doesn't want her. Lisa said that might be what it is. She said they really aren't each other's type though.
Howard asked Lisa more about this other woman she was with. Lisa told Howard about the date and gave him a lot of details. They went through the kissing and Lisa was talking about how soft it was. Howard said that's why he likes women too. Howard asked who disrobed who. She said that she unbuttoned her top. She said they both had the same kind of body so it was nice. Howard asked if they did everything. Lisa said they did. They've been together about 6 times total.
Howard told Lisa to come in tomorrow. She said she'll try to do that. Howard said she can bring her roommate because Jackie is pretty horny. Howard put Lisa on hold so they could set her up to come in. Howard picked up again and asked what she was wearing in the picture she sent. She told him and Howard tried to find it. Howard asked Gary if he had it. Gary said that it usually goes in the garbage or on the back of the door. She said she will FedEx him a picture today. Howard told Gary to keep an eye out for that. Jackie said it's very suspicious that he can't find that picture. Howard said he's going to find it. Jackie told him to take a break and look for it. Howard said he has to do it now or he won't have time to do it later. He went to break a short time later.
Arnold Schwarzenegger Calls In? 08/02/06. 7:20am
After the break we heard a couple of prank calls that Cabbie and Sal made. Howard had (Fake) Arnold Schwarzenegger on the phone after that. Howard spoke to Arnold about how he's thinking of banning all cell phones in California. Arnold wants to stop people from taking pictures with the cell phone cameras so that's why he wants to ban the phones. He was also saying that he wants to outline some new initiatives that he has in the works. He said he wants to make Scientology illegal because they all know who invented the religion and if it was for real, they wouldn't know who it was.
Arnold also said that he wants to ban iPods because they're too much of a distraction. He said he would also like to build unisex bathrooms in all government buildings. He said it costs the states too much money to have both bathrooms.
Howard asked Arnold if he has been following the Mel Gibson stuff lately. Arnold said that he has been following it and he thinks Mel is a great guy. He said he's gotten a bunch of shit himself by hanging out with the president of Austria so he knows what Mel is going through. He said they joke around during Thanksgiving time. When they put the turkey into the oven, Arnold's father says it's time to put the Jew into the gas chamber. He said it's all in good fun.
Arnold said that he was drinking this morning so that's why he's all over the place with this stuff. He was also saying that he's looking for one of those gossip merged names like Brangelina. He said he would like to be known as Schivenegger. He had a few others that he would like to use for celebrities.
Arnold told Howard that he was looking to destroy the moon a few months back and that may be coming to fruition in the near future. He said that they want to build a giant shield over all of California to block out the sun because the sun does cause a lot of deaths. He said he doesn't know all of the technical aspects of the whole thing, he just knows it will work. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later and let him go.
This week's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:40am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:20am.