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Howard started the show talking about being live this morning. Robin said he sounded kind of stuffy this morning. Howard said this is his usual Monday morning voice. He had a squeal coming from his microphone so he said he was ready to go home.
Robin asked how St. Louis was. Howard said that St. Louis was great. He said the talent was better than other places. He said that they put more people through there than anywhere else. Howard said L.A. and San Francisco should have the best talent but they didn't. He said it's weird as a judge to see all of these acts and you remember the variety acts and not so much the singing acts.
Howard said there's one guy they didn't put through that he shouldn't talk about but he's going to. He said this guy was the funniest guy. He said he was a mid-western guy and he did karate and you wonder what makes him think that anyone would want to watch an act like that. Howard said the guy comes out and he's kind of hefty. He said he came out with a couple of students and he calls these guys ''See-foo.'' He thought that he called them seafood. Howard said these two guys and says he's going to punch them 20 times in one second. He starts out and smacks the two guys around. He said it was the funniest thing he had seen since the Three Stooges. He said he turned to the guy and asked how he got them to go along with him. Howard said he laughed the rest of the night thinking about the guy. He said he's never seen anything like it. Howard said he was laughing the rest of the night and Beth wondered why. It was because of that guy. He said they didn't let that guy go through.
Howard said they told him he'd only do 30 days of work on this show and it seems like every day he works is 24 hours long. Howard said he has all of this traveling to do. This week he's going to Austin, Texas. He said Gary has tickets available for this weekend. Howard said you can call in and try getting tickets if you want. Howard said they do have general seating there so that's what you'll get. Howard said watching the audition is fun. He said the audience loves yelling out stuff too. He said they have a lot of fun at the tapings.
Howard said they have a guy who asks the audience to quiet down at some points. He said it'll be quiet enough to hear a pin drop and then someone will yell out ''Sauce on side!'' or something like that. Howard said they have a lot of Stern fans who are very vocal. He said that the crowd goes berserk when he walks out. He said you'd think the guy who invented the cure for polio walked out.
Howard said that Howie Mandel doesn't sleep and he's constantly on. Howard said he'll walk through the halls entertaining everyone. Howard said he heard from Toni the hair dresser that Howie is a great guy and very entertaining. Howard said the guy is woozy after the end of the day. Howard said everyone gets exhausted and Howie just keeps going.
Howard said he goes back to his hotel room and just sleeps or watches Breaking Bad. He said he's in season 4 of that show and he thinks it's better than Walking Dead now that he's gotten that far. He said he watched 4 straight hours and he can't get enough. He said that it's like watching the Godfather or something. Robin said that it's a great evolution of a character. Howard said he just wants more and more of that show. He said he's having a great time watching the show. When he has that to watch he doesn't care about the down time in St. Louis.
Howard said going to St. Louis was 2 hours and 45 minutes but coming home it was like an hour and a half. Robin said it's the tail winds. Howard said they should have tail winds going the other way then.
Howard said Howie Mandel is on the whole day and they had this whistling act and he whistled the whole day after that act. Howard said Howie would just whistle without any cameras on him. He said he gets into something and won't let it go. Howard said he really likes working with them though. He said he barely sees Nick Cannon. He said he's doing a whole different show out there. Howard said he's so used to doing his own show and he can't do that there. Howard said it's a different kind of thing. He said sometimes it's weird. He said he was trying to make a point in an off stage meeting they had and Nick came in and said rap is a big thing he does and he was asking if he's really a rap guy. Howard said they told him to move on and not talk about it. He said he got all paranoid and asked Howie about that. He said he wasn't saying anything negative about him. He was just asking if he's really into rap. Howard said he got paranoid about being shut up about it. Howie told him that they're not going to air anything like that. Howard said he was just curious. Howard said maybe he doesn't know the rules. He said Howie explained that maybe they felt it was a waste of time or something. Howard said he thinks that a lot of what they talk about is a waste of time though.
Howard said the crowd goes crazy for Nick when he comes out and does something on stage. He said people love it. He said it's really funny stuff. He said the guy is a good physical comedian. He said he didn't know that after just watching the show.
Howard said he fucked up this weekend. He said he can't give the details but he had a belief in someone and he turned out to be so wrong. He said he thinks that it'll be a story line on the show.
Howard said he thinks that they have a good chemistry going there too. He said he's getting a lot of good feedback about it. Howard said they give you these cards to assign you a contestant. He said he's been keeping track of how many times he gets to interview a contestant and it seems like Sharon and Howie are getting the most. Howard said people say he's the one getting the questions though so he's not sure. Howard said it's very weird because Howie will go on for 15 minutes questioning someone. He said then they'll rush him because they're running out of time and he's not sure what's going on there. Howard said he's paranoid about that. He said that he hopes he's doing a good job as a judge.
Howard said they seme to have a vibe that this will be a great season for the show. He said that Howie and Sharon are stepping up their game and the producers aren't giving them any notes so they must be doing things right.
Howard said he thinks that he's gotten more direct and he gets crabby so he has no nonsense. He said that he'll be very direct with the contestants. Robin asked if they have found any huge talent yet. Howard said they have. He said St. Louis put them into another level. Howard said that you have to be open minded in a way. He said there are a lot of people who aren't polished and some of it is charming. He said sometimes you have to use your imagination too. He said that's some of the challenge. Robin said they have to find a diamond in the rough. Howard said they are very rough.
Howard said there were a lot of people crying and even he was getting emotional. He said that this one act made him think about how great this nation is. He said in some countries they don't let people have their freedom so that's what he was thinking about. Howard said that he's the only American judge on the show even though Howie claims dual citizenship. Howard said he enjoys the whole operation. He said that they're very well run and they're all nice people. He said he thinks that they have the best show on TV as far as talent competitions. He said they don't just stick to singers. He said that would be insufferable to him. He said it breaks things up to judge these acts. Howard said that they have a nice pace on the show.
Howard said he talked to this guy who works on American Idol and America's Got Talent. He said he asked how it was going over there and the guy told him that they could run this show as a 5 hour special without editing it. He took that as a good thing and they must be doing it right.
Howard said this operation they have is bigger than a military operation. He said they have crews upon crews working on it. He said they put so much money into the show.
Howard said the whole thing is wild. Robin said it sounds like he's having fun still. Howard said he is. Robin asked about the photo session he had to do. Howard said they used this thing called a Red camera to do this shoot. Howard said they were telling him that it was some kind of special camera that makes things look cool. He said they don't show him anything they were shooting though. He said they shot them with that camera where they do some kind of movement in the opening of the show. Howard said they shoot them alone and then together. He said he brought a change of clothes for that. He said he brought a cool coat and they told him that Sharon was getting decked out to the 9s. He said they told him he wasn't dressed up enough. He said that's the way he looks so he told them to just shoot him the way he's dressed. He said he's not keeping up with Sharon. He said Howie wanted to wear a sweat shirt but they wouldn't let him.
Howard said Howie shot his piece and told him he'd feel stupid up there. Howard said he went out to shoot his thing. He said they played him some music to get in the mood and they have guys working the cameras with dollies and stuff. He said they just told him to do what he does when he greets the crowd and stuff like that. Howard said they were playing some Bruce Springsteen song and he figured they wanted him to dance or something. He wasn't going to dance. He said he didn't dance but he did kind of cross his arms and pose. He said when you shoot dudes when they smile and move around they look effeminate. Howard said he did some posing but that's all he did. He said Howie told him he looked cool. Howard said Howie seems to have his back on that show.
Howard said he told Howie that he used to do that for his dad and Howie said that was the saddest thing he's heard. Howard said that when that shit would come out he'd be so proud. He said that he'd squeeze it down with a paper clip. He said sometimes it was smelly. He said he was just glad there was a use for him in life. He said that he was good at getting blackheads out. Howard said that should have brought them closer but it really didn't. He said that he would help his dad out and do that and he was so satisfied. Howard said he wasn't being yelled at by his dad. It was like he had some kind of talent. Howard said he had a natural gift for popping blackheads.
Howard said that's like the people who come on that show and have talents. He said that Mr. Methane can fart at will. Howard said he can remove blackheads. He said that his dad would walk away after that and it was like he had just been ass raped. He said it was a humiliation for his dad. He said that he wanted his dad to think he was a good kid. Howard said he saved his dad from boils from popping those things. Howard said he'd wipe it down and do anything just to be loved and accepted. He said for those 30 seconds his dad was in love with him.
Howard said Howie got sad over that story. He said that they went and got rubber gloves and Sharon was his nurse. He said they got masks and utensils to get the blackhead out. Howard said that someone tweeted a picture of it too. Howard said he won't say what happened though.
Howard said that Sharon is great. He said that she's fucking crazy though. He said he was squeezing this blackhead out of Howie's head. He said that it was crazy. He said he had to make a medical bed out of a few tables. He said that he had Howie laying on that. Howard said he went in and squeezed out this blackhead and it was so buried in there. He said it was one of the most challenging things he's ever done. Howard said he had to deal with some nasty ones but this one was bad. Howard said that Howie would move his head and not let him get it done. He said that if you see what was going on it was very cool. Howard said that it was in a weird spot. He said it was kind if in Howie's ear. He said he can't say what happened... or maybe he can. He said he should wait until they air it though. He said it's funny what happens. He said that Howie is a hard guy to operate on. Howard said he needed to knock Howie out.
Howard said Howie's mom was there and he was having a hard time getting this blackhead out. He said Howie's mom was yelling at them to stop so they had to kick her out of the operating room. Howard said he lost confidence. Robin said this sounds like a scene out of E.R.
Howard said Sharon took over at one point. He said the whole thing was nuts. Robin said she's not sure she'd let Howard do that to her. Howard said he knows that. He said it was insane. Howard said Sharon was the one who saw the blackhead. He said that no one would have noticed it.
Howard said this show is a lot of time and energy. He said it's got to be more than 30 days of work. He said that he has to travel and the show tapings take a full day to do. Howard said it's crazy.
Howard said this whole thing is a lot of work. He said they convinced him it wasn't that hard and it was only 30 days. He said that he's already packing to go to Austin. Howard said he didn't even know where he was. Howard said that Gary has a message he left for him. Gary hadn't pulled it yet. Howard asked Gary if he keeps notes. He remembered he keeps post-it notes. Howard said he told Gary to pull the clip. Gary said he didn't think he sounded that interested. Howard said he told him to pull it.
Howard said that he had forgotten where he was. He said he was in St. Louis and he just goes to the hotel and then to the shoot. Howard said they retweeted the photo of him popping that blackhead. He said that there was some blood coming out. Howard said he's not even sure how Sharon saw that thing.
Howard said they had 3 days of taping and they were going to be doing 2 days in Austin but now it's 3 days. Howard said they keep adding days. He said he has to leave a day early now. He said that this whole thing is expanding. Howard said he and Sharon should give Nick a kidney transplant for their next operation.
Howard said sometimes the producers will come over and give them notes. He said at one point Sharon came over and said she had some advice for him. He said she had this serious look on her face. Howard said he thought maybe she had some kind of judging tip for him. He said maybe there was something missing. He said that she leans over and says that maybe he should dye his eyelashes. Howard said he was like ''what?'' and asked what the fuck she was talking about. Howard said she told him that it would bring out his eyes even more. Howard told her to take a look at his face and said that his eyelashes are the last thing he'd be changing on that face. Howard said Sharon said that she thinks he should dye them. Howard said he's completely freaked out by that. He said that h asked Sharon if Ozzy does that. He said it involves putting dye on your eye lashes and that's too close to his eyes. He said he'd freak out if he did that. He said he doesn't care about that.
Howard said Sharon must look them over for flaws the whole time. He said that she noticed that when Howie is talking to the producers his nostrils flare. He said that she was laughing about that. He said she must look at every single thing they do. Howard said that Sharon makes it sound like all of his problems would be over if he just dyed his eyelashes. He said that's like telling the elephant man to dye his eyelashes and his problems would be gone. Robin said he should try it and see what happens. Howard said Benjy was doing that a few weeks ago. Benjy said they were trying to get him to do that.
Howard said he's dying to get a manicure. He said he does them himself but he really thinks he needs to get some professional care. He said he's not going to go to a shop to get it done. He said he may have someone come to the house to do it instead.
Howard said he doesn't want all of the suds and soaking and things. He said that he just wants someone to give him a clipping and filing. He said his nails seem to grow very fast. He said it would be humiliating to have it done in a shop. He said he's not sure he wants to have it done in the hotel room either. He said he feels he has to entertain people if they're there.
Howard said that he'd never let Piers get away with being late. He said he'd tell him that one of them is going to win the battle and it won't be Piers.
Howard said that Howie Mandel went up to Ronnie in Los Angeles and started in with him. He told Ronnie to bang on his door to get him. He said that Howie almost tricked him but it didn't work. Robin said that Howie should thank Ronnie. Howard said he really should because he may have saved his life.
Ronnie said that Howie wanted him to wake him up like that and he figures there's something going on there. Howard said he will kill someone if they do that. Howard said he pulled Howie aside after that. Howard said he told him that he grew up in a very fucked up situation and he will lose it if he fucks with him. He said he can't take a joke. He said he loves it when Howie does things to other people but he finds it cruel when it's done to him. Howard said he may break Howie's nose if he does fuck with him.
Ronnie said that Howie has something going on. He said that the night they were in the bar there was a guy Rich who was there with Howie. Ronnie said that's Howie's road manager. He said Rich came over to him and asked if Howard is afraid of heights. Ronnie said later on he asked if he's afraid of geese. Ronnie said he doesn't want to know if they're doing something.
Howard said he has fucked with people so clandestinely that he's ended their careers. Howard said that he tried to give Howie a taste of his own medicine. Howard said he told Howie that things looked bad with the blackhead and he's not sure if they can go on with the taping. Howard said he fucked with him and he wanted to quit the show and go to the hospital. He said that's what it will be like if he fucks with him. He said that it'll be 50 times worse though.
Howard said that Howie asked if he could do a practical joke if he told him what it was. Howard said that's when the whistling thing started. He said that Howie said he was doing his practical joke at that time. Howard said he hates practical jokes. He said he doesn't want to be involved.
Howard said Howie is a great guy and he thinks he's really funny. He said he will punch the guy in the nose if he fucks with him though. He said that he would have punched him if he had woken him up in his trailer that day. He said he'll still like the guy but he will punch him.
Howard said Howie might feel that he has to compete with the other judges. Howard said he will stick his foot up his ass if he fucks with him.
Howard said Beth came out there for a couple of days but then left. He said he was still out there for a couple of days after she left. Howard said it's a big commitment. He said he does look forward to getting back to work over there. He said he has fun doing it.
Howard said he saw JD's dad out there. He said he met JD's dad and his wife. Howard said he saw some kid next to him that was supposed to be JD's brother but he's not sure it was. He said that JD's dad is a nice guy. He said he told him that he really loves his son. He said that he's a hard working kid and he raised a nice son. Howard said he walked away after that. He said that JD's dad wanted to introduce his wife to Sharon so they did that too. Howard said JD tweeted back that Sharon's bodyguard almost knocked his dad over. Howard said Sharon was nothing but gracious and then JD said he was just kidding.
Howard asked JD why he tweeted that. JD said he was just trying to be funny. The caller told Howard that he's apparently Jason Kaplan's favorite caller. He asked if that means anything. Howard said it doesn't.
Howard got back to JD and asked who the kid was with his dad out there. JD said it might have been a step-brother. Howard asked if he gets together with them. JD said that he does once in a while. Howard asked if any of his step-sisters are hot. JD said he's not getting into that. Howard said it would be cool if he dated one of his step-sisters. JD said that his dad said that everyone was very nice out there.
Howard said he ran into the Mad Russian out there. He said that he was talking to this guy and the guy told him it was the Mad Russian. Howard said he didn't recognize him. He said that it had been a long time since he had seen him. Howard said that he yelled out ''F-Jackie'' during the show. Mad Russian said that he was at the hotel and hung out with Howie and Sharon.
Ronnie said that the Mad Russian is a little wacky. Howard said his shirt came off at one point. Howard said that some autograph seekers came up to greet them. He said that Howie was there for like 20 minutes signing autographs. Ronnie said that Howie likes wasting people's time. Ronnie said Howie had Mad Russian take his shirt off. He had him take his sweater off first. Then he asked what the shirt was made of and Howie had him take the shirt off. Howard said that the joke isn't on the guy. He said that the joke is on Howie.
Robin said that Howie likes to see how far they'll go for him. Howard said maybe that's what's going on. Ronnie said that Vladimir, Mad Russian, was there and sat right at the next table and walked away with them. Howard said Howie enjoys people. Ronnie said Howie loves hanging out. Howard said that Howie will tell him the next day that he's tired. That's because he's out so late with the fans.
Howard said he could spend an hour with the guy if the camera is rolling but that's just the way he works. Howard said that he had one minute of Mad Russian in the audience and he'd had enough. Vladimir said that it was great being there. He asked if he could curse just once on the air. Howard told him to go ahead. Mad Russian said ''fuck'' and that was it. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and played the voice mail he left for Gary when he had forgotten where he was in St. Louis. He quickly did that and then moved on to Rajee the Transsexual. Howard said Rajee was in the news when a plastic surgeon put cement in her ass as implants. Howard said that Rajee was born a man but wanted to be a woman. Howard said when he was a little boy he wanted to be a woman. Howard said she didn't have a lot of money so she went to this doctor who wasn't a real doctor.
Rajee said that this person had medical training but she wasn't a doctor. Rajee said she wanted to enhance her looks so she wanted to start on her face. She said she wanted injections of medical silicone. She wanted to feminize her face. She said she's an actress so she wanted to look more feminine.
Howard said this fuckhead ''doctor'' is a transsexual too. Rajee said she thought that she could trust her. She showed Howard a shot of what she looked like before. Howard said that she should have left her face alone.
Howard said this fucker injected cement like the cement you'd use in a cement truck. She didn't use any anesthesia either. Rajee said that she kept saying that beauty is pain over and over in her head. She said that she had a reaction to the cement after she got it injected into her breasts. Rajee said that the cement in her face was fine at first. She said that she got it put into her chest and that's when she ran into problems. She said the cement is still in there too. Rajee said that her face had this horrible reaction to the cement. She said she's getting treatment now. She said that the role she got on this show was for a distorted looking woman. She is that it worked in her favor actually. She said she had 4 hours of surgery and this is the after look.
Howard said that this whole thing is weird. He said it's like a super hero that becomes a hero after getting injections. Howard said that would be the happy ending if it actually happened. Howard said hopefully Stan Lee is listening and can create a character.
Howard said that Rajee must have cried a lot over this. Rajee said that she did cry at times. She said that this has worked out in her favor though. She said she's going to be in this show that's in the works. She said that the whole cast is transsexual. They don't have a home for the show yet though.
Howard got back to the doctor and asked if Rajee is going to testify. She said she will if they want her to. She said she hopes she has the strength to do it. She said there are other people who have had it done to them too. She said that unfortunately it fucked up her face. Howard asked if she still has a cock. Rajee said she does but she calls it her ''she cock.'' Howard said he has a she cock too. Rajee said she says that her's is an extra long clitoris. Howard said he'll let her bring in her friends if she shows him her cock. Rajee said that her cock is about 8 inches long. Howard said he should have a cock like that. Howard asked how long it is when it's flaccid. She said that it's maybe about 5. Howard said this is bullshit. Howard said she doesn't even want a cock and she's got 8 inches. Howard said he only wishes he had one that big.
Howard said that this fake surgeon injected Rajee with the cement instead of silicone. She didn't have a reaction to it at first. Howard said then she goes in for titties and gets more cement injected into her chest. Rajee said that she's a double D so there must be a lot in there. She said that she didn't plan to go that big but gravity came into play. Rajee said she has some in her buttocks and in her hips too. She said once her face started to go bad then she stopped getting the injections.
Howard asked to see Rajee's ass. She wasn't sure she wanted to do that. Howard said that she's half a guy so just do it. She showed Howard what it looked like. Howard said it didn't look so bad. Howard asked to see her cock next. Rajee said that she's shy. Howard asked to see her tittie too. Howard said that's a cement tit. She showed it to them.
Howard said that guy loaded her up with cement. Howard said she has the Berlin wall in her ass. Howard asked what her childhood was like and if she was molested or something. Rajee said she started pretty young. She said she was about 9 or 10 when this guy got on top of her and told her how beautiful she was. She said he was in his 30s. Rajee said that she didn't know what semen looked like and she saw all of this stuff on her stomach and she thought it was oatmeal.
Howard asked about this doctor who removed the cement from her face and how that worked. She said that the doctor broke his scissors trying to remove it from her face. He said that he could see the fear in their eyes as they were working on her.
Rajee told Howard that there's still cement in her face. She said she still has the cement in her chest too. She said she doesn't want to get that removed unless she can get implants. She said she's trying to deal with all of this and get over it.
Howard asked if she can get cancer from this stuff. Rajee said she's not sure so she'll just have to see what happens. She said that the trail should be sometime in April. He said that the doctor says that she's the victim though. Howard said the ''doctor'' has an ass full of cement too so there's no telling what will happen to her in prison if she goes.
Howard said that Rajee Narinesingh can be seen in Bellamado and some of her cast members are there. Howard talked to one of the girls, Isis, who had her surgery done so she has a vagina. Howard was referring to her as a tranny or transsexual but she said that's not right to use those words. She said they are transgender. Howard said that this chick is so feminine that he'd bet he could get her pregnant. She said that Tyra Banks helped pay for her surgery. Howard asked to see her ass. She turned around and showed Howard. Howard asked if she was gay in high school. She said that she did live her life as a gay male. She said she knew she was transgender and she made it happen.
Howard asked if you can still cum when you have a fake vagina. Isis said you can't really since your testes are gone. She told Howard what it was like to have sex for the first time after having the surgery. She said that she can have orgasms now. She said that it took a while to heal but she can now do it and orgasm. Howard said that doesn't work every time though. Howard asked if it's a psychological orgasm or real. Isis said it's a real thing.
Howard asked if Isis showed Tyra her new vagina. She said she didn't want to see it. Howard asked what it costs to do that. She said the surgery was about $24,000. Howard asked if she prefers anal sex or the new vagina. She said that she likes them both. It depends on her mood. Howard asked how big her titties are. She said they're a small C. Howard said he bets that a lot of straight dudes would want to do her. Howard said that a lot of dudes would take a blow job at least. She said she has to be in a relationship to do that.
Howard asked how big of a penis she's had inside of her. She said that she's only had about 3. She said that it can't take anything too big. Howard wondered if he could get his four and a half inches in there. Robin said that he should date her to find out. Howard said he might have to.
Howard asked Isis if she's wearing a wig. She said she is. She said that her natural hair is growing out now. She said that she doesn't want to grow it out into an afro because it would remind her too much of her past. Howard said that Isis has nothing masculine left on her. He said he'll even call her sweetheart. Isis thanked Howard for that. Howard said that she's more girl than 90 percent of the girls he knows.
Howard asked Rajee if she's jealous of how she got her surgery done and didn't get any cement in the process. Rajee said that she's not jealous.
Howard asked if dudes fight over Isis. She said that she likes to go out and have fun but not at clubs where guys will fight over her.
Howard asked Isis what kind of panties she has on. She wasn't going to show Howard. She said she will only show that during a photo shoot. She said she'll only show it if she's in Playboy. Howard told the guys to lay down a carpet for her to walk up and down like she's on a runway. He got her to do that and she had that bad ass attitude like she thought she was a model. Howard said she's having fun.
Howard said that they both had great stories. He said that he had fun talking to them. Howard said he's sorry that Rajee got cement injected into her but you get what you pay for. Howard said he hopes she learned her lesson. Rajee said she did. Howard wrapped up and gave the girls some more plugs. Isis said you can follow her on Twitter @MissIsisKing. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he can't imagine getting cement put into his ass and boobs. He said that's just awful. Howard asked Fred if this was Rush. It was. Howard said they should be in the rock and roll hall of fame.
Howard said Gary forgot that Mary McCormack is coming in today. Gary said he knew she was coming in but he forgot it was today. He said he wishes that Howard hadn't brought it up on the air. Howard said he bets Gary didn't forget about the Bruce Springsteen concert. Gary said he was there. Howard asked how it was since he basically paid for it. Gary said it was great.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if it's hard to keep things in perspective with fans yelling out his name like they do. Howard said that it doesn't even seem real to him. He said he has fabulous fans and they support pretty much everything he does. Howard said he doesn't think it goes to his head. He said it really doesn't. He said when people are screaming he thinks that he hopes that he doesn't disappoint them. He said he doesn't think he's carried away by it.
The caller said she was blown away when she went to a book signing for his Private Parts book. Howard said the crowds at America's Got Talent are great too. He said if you can get to Austin, Texas they should come by and hang out. The caller said she will definitely be there. She said that she would love tickets so Howard hooked her up. Howard said they put all of the good looking people up front at the tapings.
Howard asked how her husband handled it. She said he's a great guy and he handled it very well. Howard asked if she wanted to have sex during the pregnancy. She said that at a certain point you're very uncomfortable and it's tough. She said that you start to feel pain everywhere and everything just hurts. Howard said he can't imagine that.
Howard asked if she's a breast feeder. She said she does that. She said that she did that with each of her kids. Mary said that when you're breast feeding you're famished all the time. She said she stopped breast feeding after 3 months so she's been done with that for 3 months now. Mary said that she had lots of milk coming out of those things. She said she has big boobs and she never had a problem making milk.
Howard asked Mary if she attempted to breast feed Eric the Actor when she worked with him. She said that she didn't make that mistake. Howard had Eric on the phone so he put him on. Howard said they have a Behind the Scenes show coming up with Eric the Actor and Mary. He said that Mary is part of that and Eric stares at her and doesn't say a word. Howard said that there is a piece of tape where Eric gets Tia Carrere to come say hi to him and Tia is trying to start conversations with Eric and he has nothing to say to her. Howard said that she wants to walk away but she tries to ask him questions. Howard said he felt so bad for her.
Howard said Eric has no rap with women. Eric said ''Yeah, right, whatever.'' Mary said she loves it. Eric asked Howard how he's doing this morning. Howard let Eric talk to Mary. Eric asked how she's doing. Mary said she's good and asked how he's doing. Eric said he's good and asked how the show is doing. She said they're up to their second to last episode. Eric asked if there's a rap party. Mary said there is and he's welcome to come. Howard said they'll have to fly him in if they do have him there.
Howard said Eric was at their taping in San Francisco and he got some grunts out of Eric. He said it was tough to talk there since it was loud.
Howard thanked Mary for putting Eric in her show. She said she's happy to do it. She said she hasn't seen his scene cut together yet. Howard asked if she would date Eric. Mary said she will never say never.
Howard asked Eric if he would bang her and if she's his type. Eric said sure she's his type. Howard said he's proud of Eric. He said that he was a gentleman over there at the show. Howard said Eric probably would have banged her even at 200 pounds. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Eric for a few seconds. Eric said his episode airs on the 23rd of March. He said yesterday was his birthday too. Eric said he's 37 years old. Howard wished him a happy birthday. Eric said all he did was go out to breakfast. He hung out with his family too.
Howard asked Eric when he was supposed to drop dead. Eric said that he wasn't supposed to make it out if his teens. Howard asked if he wants to tell his doctors ''fuck you.'' Eric chuckled.
Robin asked if Eric got any gifts. Eric said he got some Amazon gift cards from his family. Howard said he sent him roller skates but Eric said that was inappropriate. Eric asked Mary if she got any more fake tweets from the imposter Eric. Mary said she doesn't think she has. Mary said she won't look at the account for like a month so she's very inconsistent. Mary said that she doesn't have the sense of humor that some have on Twitter.
Howard told Eric he has to go interview Mary now. He had to let him go. Howard said Eric thinks that he knows what he's talking about. Mary said he was just saying that the fake Eric told her to stop posting pictures of them together. She said that she doesn't get on there that much really.
Howard said he was out in L.A. and he barely spent any time with Mary. Mary said she got a few minutes with him and with Beth. She said they had a great time. Howard said he can't believe that people don't want to meet him. He said they're afraid. Howard said he was listening to Jon Hein's show and this one guy, Adam Scott, was out there and he's afraid to meet him. He was at the Kimmel party though. Howard said that he's not the messiah so he's not sure why these people can't just say hello. Howard said he should just walk up and introduce himself. Howard said he'd just talk to the guy. He said he's not sure why people are afraid to meet him.
Howard said a lot of the people at Jimmy's party aren't really his friends. They're Jimmy's friends. Mary said that Howard has met a lot of people there though. He's become friends with Kristin Bell and people like that. Howard said he used to stay away from people in show business but one day he was thinking to himself that he is in show business so he should talk to these people. Howard said he finds it interesting to talk to people like Jimmy and those people at his party.
Howard asked Mary why her show is in its last season. Mary said that she's not sure because they have good ratings. She said that shows do get expensive after being on for a few years. She said that she has to pull her kids out of school in L.A. to go to New Mexico. She said that it's tough on the kids but they do handle it pretty well. Howard asked if the third kid was an accident. Mary said it wasn't. She said that it was a science experiment though. She said they did the in vitro fertilisation thing four times before it took. She said that it probably isn't good for your body but she wanted that little baby. Howard said he's against that whole thing. He said that he doesn't think that people should fake it like that.
Howard asked Mary about why she never talks about her kids when she's in a conversation. Mary said that many people don't really care. Howard said that his parents never carried pictures of him around. He said he makes sure he carries pictures of his kids around. Howard said that he tries to block out that Mary has kids. He doesn't want to think about her like that. Mary said that she won't share a photo with someone unless they ask for one about 3 times. Howard said that Beth likes to see stuff like that.
Howard said Mary's show is ending and now she's happy. Mary said she loves the show and it was a great part for her and it was a great part to play. Howard said that she must have gotten paid pretty well. He said that she must be set up for life. Mary said she's not set up for life. She said her husband is making some money and he's doing the finale of ''Smash'' right now.
Howard asked Mary if she's doing something else now. Mary said she's going to do a sitcom for ABC. She said that she likes the writer and she thinks this is going to be good. Howard said he could introduce her to Bob Iger if she wants. Howard said that George Clooney invited him to his place in Italy too. He said that's the way he rolls now.
Howard asked Mary if she spoke to anyone at the party. She said she talked to John Stamos. Howard said Stamos claims he can't find the right woman. He said that's probably best since he'll never be able to stay in a relationship. Howard asked what they talked about. Mary said he was telling her about what he's going to be doing next. Howard said she's a lucky girl.
Howard asked who else she spoke to. Mary said she talked to Courteney Cox. She also spoke to Christa Miller, Carol Leifer, George Clooney and others. Howard said that there were a lot of good looking guys at the party and he wanted to be left out of the pictures.
Howard said that Mary's show is returning this Friday on USA Network. He spent a minute talking about that and then took a call. The caller asked Mary about working with Howard. Mary worked with him in Private Parts and she said that was the best acting job she ever had. She said it was the most fun acting role she's had.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he did the in vitro thing too and Howard talks about how wrong it is but he's wrong. Howard said Mary didn't need to put chemicals into her body to have another kid. Howard said she already had two. Howard said science is out of control with the baby thing. Mary said she's greedy. She wanted another one.
The caller asked if he believes in chemotherapy. Howard said he does because people are dying. Howard argued with the caller going back and forth about the baby thing. Howard said that Mary has a new baby so good for her but if she gets cancer and dies he's not going to the funeral. Howard said he warned her. Mary said he wouldn't have come anyway. Howard said he would too.
Howard asked Mary if she would have had her kid even if it had Eric the Actor's afflictions. Mary said she's not sure what his afflictions are. Howard said she's seen him, she knows. Mary said he's gorgeous.
Howard took another call from a guy who got Howard to talk about how he knows what Mary is really like behind the scenes on a movie set. Howard said they would sit there and fry people together. He said that Mary would go and smoke a cigarette on the street while she was in her pregnancy suit just to get people's reactions. Mary said she wasn't really smoking. She just did it to see the reactions. Howard said Mary was in a fat suit and she'd do this thing just to see the reaction.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if Mary was able to have an orgasm while she was pregnant. Mary said she was. Howard said women have more juices when they're pregnant so they can do that kind of thing.
Howard gave Mary some more plugs for In Plain Sight. Mary said they have 8 episodes this season. She said that she's a U.S. Marshall in the show. Howard said the show is on at 10pm on USA Network on Friday night.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Mary likes to be spanked. Mary said she's not that type. She said she would probably laugh if she had that done to her. The caller asked what her kinky thing is in bed. Mary said she's pretty old fashioned. Howard said her kinky thing is in vitro. Howard said she likes to mix that stuff outside of her body, put it in and then have a baby.
Howard asked Mary what Clooney said to her at the party. She didn't get a chance to answer. Robin asked if she heard about Jillian Barberie falling into the pool. Mary said she heard about that. She was too late to see it though. Howard said she always has something going on at those parties. Howard said Jillian threw up at the party once.
Howard said Mary looks great and she's doing good with the weight loss. Howard said she should run from here to New Mexico and she'll lose that weight. Howard asked if the new sitcom will be shot in L.A. Mary said it will be if it gets picked up. Howard gave her some more plugs and went to break.
Howard said Sal called a tow truck place and kept calling the guy ''sweetheart'' and freaked the guy out. Howard played the call and Sal calls about his car being broke down and calls him sweetheart a bunch of times. The guy tells him to stop so Sal calls him butter cup, angel cakes and other names. The guy hangs up and tells him to quit calling. Richard calls in as Sal's mama and asks him to do him a favor. Then he starts calling the guy pumpkin and names like that. Howard asked why people get so upset over that. He said they must be so homophobic that they can't take it.
Howard said he had a clip of a sports announcer freaking out. He played the clip and the guy screams when a high school basketball player scores. His voice got really high and he was screaming about the amazing play.
Howard said this is like how he and Beth carry on when they walk into a room. Howard said this guy did the same thing at another game. He played that clip and the guy screams whenever a good play happens. Howard said that you don't scream like that when a cure for cancer is created. He said this guy is really carried away. He said that doesn't sound very manly.
Howard said that clip was just for them being tied. They didn't even win. Howard said they should hire that guy to go pro. He said that's really annoying though. Robin said she's not sure how you'd watch a broadcast like that.
Howard said Gary gave him a clip from a movie called ''Inning by Inning'' where this college coach is yelling at the players. He said this is why he never wanted to be in sports. Howard said this was Augie Garrido yelling at his team in this clip. Howard played the clip and the coach went off on the team saying it was the most humiliating game he had been involved with in the past 10 years. He said this isn't about a game, it's about their lives. Howard asked if that's really what it's about. He played more of the clip and the coach says that he has failed them. Howard said that's some martyr there. Howard said that's what his mom would do to him too. The coach went on and on about that game.
Howard said that guy is 73 years old. He said he has a lot of energy. Robin asked why he cares so much at that age. Howard said he'd let the coach take the blame and start yelling at him. Howard said all of the guys just sit there quiet.
Howard said that someone yelled out a Baba Booey during the PGA tournament recently. Howard played that clip and you can hear it loud and clear when someone yells it out during one of Keegan Bradley's plays.
Howard said there was another Baba Booey during an NCAA game. Howard said he thinks the announcer worked it into his announcing. Howard played that clip and the announcer did throw in that mention about Gary. Howard said it's becoming a word. Howard said that it means humiliating... or anything you want it to mean.
Howard said Elle Macpherson is coming in tomorrow. He said she still looks amazing. He said she's like 40 but she still has that killer body. He said there's no sign of damage on that thing.
The caller said he yelled out ''Steak for two for one'' during the taping. Howard said the crowd gets quiet waiting for the act to come out and he thinks they get bored. The caller said it's not that bad.
Howard said all you hear is silence and then this guy yells out ''Steak for two for one'' and he has to turn around. He said the crowd goes wild when they see him turn around. Howard said that someone will yell out ''Mayday, mayday... the boat's on fire'' and the crowd goes wild. Howard said people yell out Scott's name when there's technical problems too.
The caller said there was one guy who reminded him of the Gammorean Guard. He said the guy had a mask on and he was singing through the mask. Howard said he doesn't even remember that. Howard said one guy got angry with him and flipped him the bird so he flipped that guy off right back. Howard said he got into a whole thing with that guy. The caller said that's the guy he's talking about.
The caller brought up anther act that was there and didn't want to give away too much information about it. He sand Howard talked about some of that stuff and how people have no idea they have no talent.
Howard said that he wants to talk about this soldier who went berserk and shot up a bunch of people in Afghanistan. Howard said the guy shot like 16 people including some kids. Howard said it's time for us to get out of there. Howard said some of the soldiers are going nuts over there. He said we really have to get out of that country. Robin said that guy had been on three tours in Iraq and they sent him over to Afghanistan.
Howard said he hopes he survives the year. He said he has a grueling schedule. Howard said it seems like a year already. He said that he has to go to Austin this week and they picked the week that they do South by Southwest in Austin. He said it's going to be a mad house down there.
Howard said in St. Louis they had no cars on the road. He said it seems to be more depressed than Detroit. He said you go downtown and there are no cars there. He said his driver told him that they get traffic when the Cardinals play there. Howard said he could see the arch from his hotel room and what a disappointment that was. Howard said it looks like an aluminum arch and it's not lit up cool or anything. He said anything in New York is lit up better than that. He said the bridges are lit better in New York than that Arch.
Howard said the arch isn't that big either. Robin said she saw it and it really isn't very impressive. Howard said it's in a random place and it's got lame signs all around it. He said they didn't light it up or anything so it's really not that cool. He said he hates to say that but that's what he's thinking. He said Beth took a picture of him looking at the arch. He said she tweeted it out and some guy said it looked like a big palm tree looking at the arch.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn and she said that he didn't look like a tree. She said she saw a picture of him in Us Magazine this week that's great. She said that she's still working on her tattoo and she's also trying to log on to see Beth's show thing but she cant get on. Howard hung up on her saying he had no idea what she was talking about. Robin told him what she was saying about Beth's Mom Caves show.
Howard said that he likes how Santorum and Gingrich are hanging on even though they have no chance in the nomination. Howard and Robin spent a minute on that.
Howard said that this new cardinal in New York is all freaked out by gay marriage being legal in the city. He said that the guy wants to limit abortions and stuff too. Howard said that these people spend way too much time worrying about what other people are up to. Robin said they should be concentrating on their own church and the issues they have. Howard said that the funny thing was that this cardinal looked so effeminate wearing a dress while talking about gay marriage. Howard went to break after that.
Jon ran down a few more subjects for today's show and got Howard on the subject of Rajee for a short time. Howard said he really felt bad for that dude. Howard said he saw Robin hugging Rajee so he backed up so he wouldn't have to. He said he doesn't want to hug anyone. He said it's not just Rajee. He said she had some perfume on that he could smell for a half hour. Robin didn't get that smell.
Howard said he was sitting across from Ronnie on the plane and he could smell so much fucking Mambo that he got nauseous. Howard said it was wafting around the plane. He said that he had to tell Ronnie to take it easy. He said that stuff is so potent. Howard said that he really stinks from Mambo. Ronnie told him that some chick told him how good he smelled. Howard said people shouldn't even notice it on a dude.
Howard said on FOX News they play all of these songs to show hot hip they are. He said that they play Biggie Smalls songs and things like that. Howard said meanwhile they probably bad mouth guys like that. Howard said Rush rocks out to show how hip he is too. He said these conservatives are the people who wanted to rate records and stuff.
Jon finished up his Wrap Up Show preview a short time later. He mentioned how the St. Louis arch didn't fare so well with Howard. Howard said it really didn't.
Howard said he loves Breaking Bad and he's moved the show up to number one. He said he moved Walking Dead to number 2. Robin asked if he saw this week's episode yet. Howard said he hasn't.
Howard said that he realized that he can see his reflection in his iPad and he's so fucking ugly. Howard said it's like a mirror so he sees his neck and chin. He said he has to position it so he can't see himself and he just can't do it. He said you can see yourself jerking off in the reflection too. Howard said he doesn't look good and he needs like 30,000 hours of beauty sleep in one night.
Robin started off asking Howard if he's for or against college professors sleeping with their students. Howard said he's against it. He said that these people are in a powerful position and there are enough women to fuck that you don't have to fuck your students. Howard said the kids are still young and it's just not right. Howard said it's a recipe for disaster. He said that some of the professors can't get women any other way though. Howard said there are just certain things you don't do. Howard said the interns there are like that. He said he's like a professor there. He might have to tell them that he won't be fucking them.
Robin said there are some people who think that they should have sexual harassment laws for the professors at college.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who said that he was watching The Descendants and all he could think about with the music was about JD and his mom. Howard said he gets some songs stuck in his head but they're usually song parodies. He said that Little Mikey song is one that might get stuck in his head but the original song he doesn't care about.
Robin got back to her news and read about Robin Gibb fighting cancer and how he's said that maybe it's karma that they're getting for being so famous. Howard said that's not the right way to think. Robin said Gibb is 62 and he's in remission now. Robin said that Maurice died at 53 and their other brother died at 30. Howard said they had some cool songs before all of that Disco crap. Howard sang some of their stuff but wasn't actually singing. He was doing an impression where he was just kind of doing a nasally thing. Fred played some of their songs and Howard sang along for a minute.
Robin said that Aerosmith was on 60 Minutes last night and Steven was on saying that the guys in the band ride his coattails. Robin said that he's obviously the problem in the band. Howard said he feels bad for Joe Perry. Howard said he wrote those songs with Steven. Robin said it has to be tough for those guys. Howard said Steven doesn't seem to care about American Idol this season. Howard said he think that all three of the judges are bad on that show. Howard said Randy is still Randy and they have nothing going on. Robin said there is a lot of animosity and mistrust between the band mates. Robin had some audio of Joe Perry talking about how he has no desire to have another front man. Joe said that Steven is a world class voice so he'll put up with whatever he has to. Howard said he recorded 60 Minutes so he'll have to watch that. Robin said that they were talking about how Steven wanted to micro manage the cameras during the shoot so he'd get all of the air time.
Howard said he loves Aerosmith and their come back. He said that he always looked at the band as Steven and Joe and then the rest of the guys. Howard said when Joe and Steven aren't in the same room then it spells out double trouble. Howard said he's not sure what will happen but it has to be good for the band when Steven goes on American Idol. Robin said Joe said it was a good thing for them.
Howard said Fred rides his coattails but he'd never say that. He said that they're like a band there pretty much. He said he doesn't look at anyone like that though. He said they're a team and they all fulfill a function there. Gary came in and said that Steven was saying that he did American Idol because the band was looking for a replacement for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him that the FOX news thing was them playing Biggie because it was the anniversary of his passing. Howard said they play other music too though. He said they play stuff so they can appear to be hip.
The caller told Howard that he was out at a store and he smelled what he thought was a woman's perfume. He said he told her she smelled nice and she told him it wasn't her, it was the guy standing behind her. He said he had to walk out of the store because he was so embarrassed.
Robin read about how some restaurants in the city have been busted for skimming tips from their wait staff. Howard said he hates hearing that. He said he wants to reward someone for working hard. He said he leaves a nice big tip at the hotel. He said that the staff has to clean up after him and he wants to leave money but then he thinks that maybe the person getting the money isn't the right person.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Howard is a bit of a sell out. He said that it's not that he's doing 3 shows a week. He said that they replay the same shows over and over. Howard said he made a decision to do 3 shows because he wanted to retire. He said that he had the opportunity to do 3 days instead of no days. The caller said that not having a birthday show wasn't cool either. The caller said they look forward to the birthday shows. Robin said they haven't done a birthday show in years. The caller said he knows that. that's what they miss. Howard said that he only does a certain number of shows a year and that's that. He said that there are less shows but he's doing 4 or 5 hours for those 3 shows a week. The caller said that they pay for this though. He said that they're only getting him for 2 shows a week sometimes. Howard said he gets vacation and he takes that time off.
The caller was talking over Howard so he obviously didn't want to hear his answer. Howard hung up on him. Gary said they do 112 live shows a year. Howard said that he's doing a 4-5 hour show and it's not that easy. He said getting up that early is grueling. Howard said that you walk around like a zombie. He said that it's tough. He said he talked to Nick Cannon about it and Nick had to quit his morning show. Howard said to be a morning man you have to give up almost everything. He said you have to win and compete and it becomes your whole life.
Howard said there is room for nothing unless you want to be mediocre. He said to be great you have to put everything into the show. He said if you're just doing it as part time work it'll never happen for you. Howard said just doing 3 days a week is a tremendous effort for him.
Howard said that they have figured out what the audience wants to hear and that's what they play in the time that he's off. Howard said on one channel they play the shows from the week and on the other channel they play other replays. Howard said if you don't like it then you go on with your life and listen to something else. He said that they assume that most people don't' sit there for 4 hours straight. Howard said if you don't want to hear an interview then change to another channel. Howard said they have music, talk shows, and a lot of other stuff on there. Howard said this caller wouldn't listen to him. He said if that's being a sell out then he's a sell out. Howard said it was very tough doing 5 days a week so he cut back. Howard said America's Got Talent is a whole different kind of thing. He doesn't have to get up at the crack of dawn and it's not his show. He said it's a different thing. Howard was talking about aging and how he doesn't dye his hair. Robin said she has to. Howard said there is some grey in his but for the most part it's still dark. Howard also said he feels pain under his nails when he peels oranges. Robin said she doesn't peel her's. She said she has someone do it. She said she was just kidding and she cuts her's but Howard thought she was serious about having someone do it for her.
Robin got back to her news and read about the one year anniversary of the tsunami in Japan. She said there were a lot of animals there around the nuclear reactor and there is one man there who has been taking care of the animals that are left. Robin said that he has seen things like goats being tied up and growing so large that they choked from the rope being tied around their necks and things like that. The guy is taking care of what he can but he's shortening his life by staying there in the radioactive area. Howard said the guy is a saint. Robin said he's getting used to being alone in the area but he knows he's shortening his life.
Howard said there was a lot of tragedy from that tsunami. He said that there was a lot of death and destruction and Gilbert Gottfried lost his Aflac endorsement.
Robin read about a man who was in the hospital trying to recover from spinal surgery and he was sexually molested by the guy who was moved into his room. Robin said that the victim was heavily sedated and when he woke up and screamed the hospital staff stopped the man. Fred played a bunch of George Takei clips during that discussion.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about America's Got Talent and those kind of shows and if he thinks that a musician is a good judge. Howard said no. Howard said he's a good judge himself because he buys albums and he doesn't care if he tells someone they suck at music. Howard said he has no problem telling them they suck. He said Sharon will lean over to him and say that someone is horrible. She has worked with Ozzy and she had to figure out if bands were worth spending time with when Ozzy was on tour. Howard said that she's blunt but diplomatic with her judging. Howard said Howie is the comic and he will give it to you straight and then get the finger from the person auditioning.
Robin read about this soldier who went nuts and killed 16 civilians in Afghanistan. Robin said that the taliban has already put a message up that they're going to retaliate. Robin had some audio of an official talking about what this guy did and how they don't endorse this kind of thing.
Howard said for 99 percent of the time we're well behaved. He said there are some guys who are going to go bonkers. He said that we have to be proud of our guys for the most part. He said it is time to get out of Afghanistan though. He said those fucknut Taliban guys are going to come in and take over again no matter when we leave. Robin said that we're supposed to be out of there by 2014. Howard said according to his math that's 2 years.
Robin had some audio of Rick Santorum talking about the timing of the war. That led to Howard talking about how he's one of the guys who is afraid to say anything about what Rush Limbaugh says on his show. Howard said that guy has yet to make sense. He said that there are some nuts out there who will vote for him though.
Howard said he was invited to appear at a GLAAD awards show. Howard said he was invited to present. Howard said he would go to that but he's not sure if he can fit it into his schedule. Howard said he won't make it to the end if he starts going to award shows. Howard said he thinks he should get an award actually. He said they just want him as a presenter. Howard said he'd be honored to be there. He said that he is with the cause.
Robin read some more news about the Afghanistan shootings and had some more audio clips to play.
Robin read about how Mitt Romney hasn't been able to win any southern state in the primaries. Robin said it's not clear if he's going to be the nominee or not. Robin had some audio of Romney talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy in Austin who said he'll be at the taping. He said he hopes it's a blast. Howard said he won't be walking on water or anything but it should be fun. The caller asked if he's part of all four shows. Howard said of course he is. He said he's a judge.
Robin read about how Oprah Winfrey had Bobbi Christina on her show talking about her mother Whitney Houston. Howard asked if she was promoting something. Robin said she wasn't. Robin had some audio from the interview. Howard said she'll be better off financially now that her mom is gone. She won't be burning through all of that money now. Robin said she was also talking about how she wants to get rid of her father's name. She had some audio of her talking about her mom.
Howard picked up on that caller from Austin again and the guy told him the same stuff he had already said. Howard said he's looking forward to the taping too. Howard said that he saw him back on there and didn't know what just happened.
Robin read about Montell Williams being into legalizing pot. Howard said he's suffering from MS so he's on it. Robin had some audio of him talking about how his mom is in the hospital and this could be helping her if it was legalized. Howard said that he has a Pat Robertson clip where he basically tells a guy not to go to his sister's wedding because she's marrying a woman. Howard said he can't imagine that. Howard said that guy is all over the map because he's all for the legalization of marijuana.
Robin had Howard play some of Glen Campbell's ''Rhinestone Cowboy'' and said that he's got Alzheimer's. Howard said he just saw him on the Grammy's recently. Robin said he was there. She had some audio of him talking about how he's handling it.
Robin read about a 68 year old conductor who collapsed during the middle of a performance. Robin said the guy was leading his orchestra when he succumbed to a heart attack. Robin said his wife was playing violin in the orchestra when he passed. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
Jon also brought up the story Howard told about popping his father's blackheads. Gary said if he told that story and Howard had never done it, he would have been kicked out of the studio. Gary said that was normal for Howard so it's okay to him.
Benjy asked if they've ever had chicks who wanted to pick their backs. Gary and Jon said they've never had that. Benjy said he thinks that there are a lot of chicks who like doing that stuff. Gary said that he doesn't think he has blackheads on his back to pick. He said he knows his wife doesn't like to do that kind of thing
Jon said that Howard was talking about punching Howie Mandel in the face if he pranks him. He said Ronnie seems to think that there is something in the works. Gary said he's interested in how violent Howard wants to be and how manly he gets over that prank thing. He said when Howie was up there a couple of weeks ago he was talking about what they did to Piers Morgan. Gary said Howard has always hated practical jokes and they only pulled one on him. He said Howard just doesn't like them.
Benjy asked what the guys were picturing when they heard that Howie was asking about Howard being afraid of heights and about being afraid of geese. He wondered what they could be working on. Gary said he has no idea. Jon said he doesn't either.
Jon asked Gary about this trip to Austin. Gary said he's going with Howard on the plane and he will be at 3 of the 4 tapings. He said he's worried about getting a sneezing fit or something on the plane. He said he knows Howard will freak out if anything like that happens.
Jon said that Howard was attacking the arch in St. Louis too. He said he's not sure why he attacked it the way he did. Jon said he's been in the arch and it was kind of cool. He said he felt that it got a raw deal in that discussion. He said he'll defend it.
Gary said he didn't want Mary to know because he didn't want her to feel slighted. He said that he didn't want her to think that he had forgotten about her or something. He said it was just a bad error on his part.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard would really punch Howie Mandel. He was also wondering if he could get Austin tickets. Gary said he doesn't have tickets to give away on this show. He said he'd have to call Howard. He said that he thinks Howard would be pissed but he's not sure if he would actually punch someone. Benjy said that Howard said something ominous today when he said that he has destroyed careers without people even knowing about it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's dated chicks, like Benjy has, who like popping zits. He said that he doesn't look for it but he's run across it. Gary said it's a weird thing. They went to break a short time later.
Jon had JD's dad, Chuck, on the phone so he picked up on him. Chuck said he wanted to clear up what happened with Sharon. He said they were treated like royalty over there at America's Got Talent. He said that everyone was nice to them. He said when Sharon was leaving she had walked past and Howard hollered to her. She gave his wife a hug and a kiss and then she turned to give an autograph to someone. He said that he went to pat her on the back to thank her and her bodyguard gave him a dirty look. Chuck said he didn't physically do anything. He said that he told Jamie (JD) what had happened and it really wasn't a big deal. He said that her bodyguard was just giving him a dirty look like he wanted to pull his arm off. He said he probably shouldn't have touched her.
Gary asked JD how that turned into a joke on Twitter. JD said he doesn't know. He said he shouldn't have tweeted it in the first place. JD said that he only had 140 characters and he just shouldn't have said anything. He said that Sharon was one of the nicest ladies ever and he shouldn't have said anything. Chuck said she really was very nice to them.
Benjy asked if the kid there was his kid. Chuck said that wasn't his kid. He said it was just someone from the NBC affiliate there.
Jon asked JD if he was surprised at Howard's reaction. JD said he thought it was funny but Howard obviously didn't. He said Howard tweeted back ''No, she was very nice...'' so he knew he didn't like it. Chuck said it was a great time out there. He said he appreciates everything they did for them there.
Jon asked Chuck if he's worried about Ronnie taking JD under his wing. Chuck said he's not at all. He said he's glad that he's getting JD out. He said he needs to get out. Chuck said that he had a good time talking to Ronnie out there.
Chuck said that he's out driving now. Gary asked him to honk his horn for them. Chuck did that. Jon said he has missed Chuck on the show. He said he's glad that JD let him call in. JD said that he got a call from his dad right after the show and he told him what a good time he was having.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was at the show on Thursday and got two fist bumps from Howard. He said they were all having a good time there. He said Sharon looked good in person. He said he agrees with Benjy about the back zits thing too. He said that he had girls who loved doing that stuff. Gary said he sees on the phones that a lot of people have found the same thing.
Jon asked JD if he's had that with girls. JD said he hasn't been with a girl long enough. Ronnie came in so Gary asked him about the zit popping thing. Ronnie said he's never found that. Ronnie asked who brought that up. Benjy was the one who brought it up.
Jon asked Ronnie about taking JD under his wing. Ronnie said he had a nice discussion about that with Chuck. He said that he talked about JD's social life. JD said ''... or lack of one.''
Gary asked Ronnie about Howard complaining about the Mambo. Ronnie said they had the heat turned up in the plane so maybe that was making it bad. He was in the car with Howard and Howard didn't smell it in there. Gary asked if it's okay to sleep on the plane. Ronnie said it's fine to do that. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Ronnie what he thought about Isis and Rajee. Ronnie said Isis was cute. He said he found Rajee kind of scary though. Ronnie said that one of the guys there was saying that after a few drinks he wouldn't know that Isis was a dude. Gary asked if you're gay if you're a dude and you marry a transgender. Benjy said he thinks it's a gay act. He said if they think they're a woman then they're doing it for a heterosexual reason. Ronnie said there's nothing wrong with it if you're into it.
Gary wondered if they're a woman if they've had the operation. Ronnie said they're still just a tranny. He said that it doesn't work right even if they call it a vagina. He said that guy is still a guy.
Jon took a call from a transgender who said they're wrong about all of this. She said she wasn't born a woman but she finds it ironic that they're gay and lesbian friendly but when it comes to trans people they're clueless. She said it's not a gay act. She said that she's been married to her husband for 10 years now and he dated only women before he married her. He said it's not gay. She said her parts work just fine. Ronnie said that there's no way she feels it. She said she does feel it. Ronnie said that it's impossible to feel it the way she thinks she does.
Benjy asked the caller, Diane, what she would define as a gay act. She said it's two men or two women doing something together. Gary asked if Diane would test as a man or a woman if they tested her. She said it would come up as a man but that's just one thing.
Ronnie said that this Diane doesn't sound like a woman. He said he knew she was a guy as soon as she spoke. Gary said that he thought they were picking up on a woman but as soon as he heard her voice he knew it wasn't a woman. Diane said that no one ever calls her a man when she calls someone.
Jon asked Diane why she thinks that Howard doesn't support transgender people. She said that Howard gets weirded out and uses the wrong terms. She said that they don't understand why tranny is offensive. Ronnie said he's not sure why she's calling him an idiot. He said they have their friend Siobahn come up there and she showed them her thing and there is no way it's real or works. Jon said that Ronnie is basically saying she has a fake hole so of course she's going to be offended. Ronnie asked Jon what he feels. Jon said he hasn't been through that experience. He doesn't know. Gary asked what his gut is. Jon didn't say.
Benjy asked Diane if he sprays himself black and wears an afro, is he black? Diane said of course he's not. Diane said that Siobahn is also a nut case and she does normal stuff and people don't know that she's a transgender. Ronnie asked if she has kids. She said she does. Ronnie asked if she gave birth to them. She said no. Ronnie proved his point with that. They had to end the show after that. They finished up at 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about Oprah Winfrey and her interview with Bobbi Kristina. Howard said Oprah has gotten into this thing where She says ''Mmm hmm'' every second. He said it's all the time and She sounds nuts. Howard asked Robin if She heard it. Robin said She didn't notice it. Howard said she's very successful but She must be rusty from not doing her TV show. Robin said She doesn't think She cares about the interview. She's just clocking it in.
Howard said this clip he's about to play is not doctored in any way. He played the clip and Oprah was talking to Bobbi Kristina and saying ''Mmm hmm'' over and over as Bobbi was talking to her. She did it after almost every word Bobbi was saying at certain points. Howard asked what the fuck she's doing.
Howard did an impression of her doing it and goofed on her for a short time. Howard said he emailed Robin last night and She didn't respond. He said She never checks her email. Howard said he checks his like every 5 minutes. Robin said She used to check it when She had a Blackberry but now She doesn't do that with the iPhone. Howard said he was asking Robin about the show ''Being Human'' and if the British version is different than the American version. Howard said he's going to be done with Breaking Bad soon and he needs something to watch while he's in Austin this week.
Howard said that he has a photo shoot on Friday and he needs something to do. He said that they have the photo shoot in the afternoon so he needs something to do the rest of the day. He said he downloaded The Wire. Robin said that's a really good show. She said the show ''Damages'' is really good. Howard said he doesn't want to watch anything with Glenn Close in it.
Gary told Howard to watch ''Game of Thrones.'' Howard said it's not on iTunes. Gary said it just came out. Howard said he'll check that out then. Howard said for a while they didn't have it available. Gary said he thinks it came out on March 6th.
Robin said that he should check out Camelot too. Howard said he won't watch it if that's the name of the show. He said he has quirky things with names of TV shows. Howard asked about Being Human and if it's a different show completely. Robin said it is. She said the British version is better. Howard said he's watching a lot of TV lately. He said this schedule he has is unrelenting.
Howard said he has to sit in his hotel room all day long when he's in these different cities. He said he's very busy with the iPad lately. He said he can't read so he has to watch TV. He said he gets bored with books. Howard said he's going to get the new iPad since they say the screen is so much better.
Howard said he has to go to Las Vegas and that's going to be a week long. He said that's going to be really unrelenting. He said that he has to go to Tampa too so he's going to get together with Bubba and Brent. He said they wanted him to drive someplace but he wants to go near his hotel. He said he doesn't party. Howard said the dinner will be over very rapidly.
Howard got back to Oprah and played more of her ''Mmm hmm'' clips. Howard asked dhow you pay attention to Bobbi Kristina while that's going on. Robin said Bobbi wasn't saying much. Howard said Oprah almost has a tick with that ''Mmm hmm'' thing. Robin said She must just want to get out of there really bad.
Howard was also talking about some of the things that Bobbi was saying. She was talking about how she's going to be singing and things like that. Howard said that's a lot of pressure on that kid to try and sing like her mom. Howard said he can't believe the constant ''Mmm hmm'' coming out of Oprah. He said She must really want to get back home.
Howard played another clip of Oprah talking to Pat Houston about Whitney and She was doing the ''Mmm hmm'' thing through that whole clip too. Howard said it's like that Kevin Nealon bit where he did that during a phony phone call.
Howard was doing his impression of Gary goofing on the way he talks to him. He said he should just get it fixed and not argue with him on the air. Howard said he can't believe he's arguing with him about it. Howard said he believes it's orange on his but it's white on his screen. Howard said he gets this Christian Bale guy when he freaks out. Fred was playing some of Bale's screaming clips.
Howard said he understands there is something wrong there but he can't argue with him. He said that it does happen often and he has to get it fixed. Howard said he'll pay for it. He said they charge him for repairs lately and that's their latest way to screw with him. Howard said trying to get people paid more there is impossible. He said they have charge offs so he can't do anything.
Howard asked why his isn't orange. Gary said he's not a technician and there is no answer. Howard said he should look into it and try to find out what the issue is. Gary said he and Tim are relentless with the guy but he can't get an answer. Gary said they'll report this to Jeremy Savage who is the head technician for the Prophet system they use. He said no one understands why this happens.
Howard asked Gary what he would do if his kid was ill and the doctor said there was no hope and the kid would be dead in one day. Gary said they might have to get someone else from outside. Howard said that's what he should do then.
Howard told Robin to pretend She has a house and She has termites. Robin was doing her Oprah ''Mmm hmm'' thing while he did this. Howard said that if you have termites and they say your house is going to fall down and there's nothing you can do. You get a second person to try and help.
Howard said he had a cat that was licking itself to death. He said one vet says that they have medication that will help but it might give it kidney problems. Howard said Beth went to a second person that gave her some advice and some other pills to try. He said the hair has all grown back in and the cat doesn't lick itself and it didn't get the overdose. Howard said that's the way you do things.
Gary said there is no one in the company that can look into this. Howard said that Jeff Schick is someone he could go to. Gary said he doesn't know about the Prophet system. Howard said that he can call Jeff and maybe Jeff knows someone who can look into it. Howard said Jeff is willing to help with this kind of thing. He has resources. Howard said Gary has resources. He should use his head. Howard said if he was Gary he would go to other people and try to find someone to help.
Howard said that Jeff is the top guy at IBM. He said they're ''the solution company'' and they've helped them out a lot there. Howard said if he was gay he'd blow Jeff. Howard said he tried to buy him a gift once and Jeff returned it.
Howard said Gary doesn't apply himself. He said he's busy with coaching and outside gigs. Howard said Gary has some show he's going to be doing with Jon Hein. He said that he can't leave him in the lurch there on the ledge. Howard told Gary to get in there and apologize to him. Gary said that's not going to happen. Gary said that the reason the guys in Aerosmith hate him is because he says cruel things to them.
Howard asked Gary what he's eating. Gary had his breakfast so Howard goofed on him about that and made noises as if he was Gary eating. Howard did an impression of him calling Jeff Schick while he's eating.
Howard said it's not easy being the top guy. Howard said he saw that Steven Tyler interview and he understands how he feels. Howard said Gary is riding his coattails. Howard said he has to get to fucking work. Howard asked what he was eating. Gary said it was just eggs. He didn't even have toast. Howard said he'd rather have the toast instead of the eggs. Gary said he has to go now because he's working with JD on something.
Howard said he had the Kevin Nealon bit that he was talking about earlier. It was a prank call from Crank Yankers where Kevin keeps doing the ''Mmm hmm'' thing to a woman he's talking to about a car. Howard said that's Oprah. Kevin eventually makes monkey sounds instead of the ''Mmm hmm.'' Howard said that's what Oprah should do in that Bobbi Kristina interview.
Howard said Sal and Richard took clips of that call and called a religious show where they pray for you. Howard played that call and they had Bobo telling them that they found a lesion on his liver and he wasn't sure what that means. The hosts of the show said they are going to pray to god. Howard said this is how fucked up religion is. Howard said you don't just pray, you go to a doctor. Howard played more of the call and they had Bobo cursing so the hosts asked him to tone down his language. They said they know she's scared. They told him that if he keeps saying negative things he's not going to be healed. They told him they know it hurts and they will pray for him. Sal and Richard had Bobo saying that this fucking blows but maybe he'll be okay.
Howard said they probably wanted to hang up on him but he was their best caller of the day. Howard said he likes that one. He told the boys they did a good job.
Howard had Bobo on the phone so he picked up on him. Bobo said they did a great job with that call. He said he did flip out when they told him about that lesion. He said they have to tell you it could be cancer. Howard said they have to make sure of what it is but a normal guy waits to hear what it really is before freaking out. Howard said Bobo can't interpret anything like that. He just ran with it and looked for some sympathy.
Bobo said that Dancing with the Stars is going to be against America's Got Talent. Howard said they won't be up against each other as far as he knows. Howard said he doesn't really pay attention to it though.
Howard said he heard Ronnie talking about his Mambo. He said he could smell Ronnie in the hallway but Ronnie thinks he can't smell it. Howard said he could smell it in the car and in the hall but Ronnie thinks he can't smell it. Howard said he just doesn't say something to him. He said he had to say something to him on the plane though. He said he told him to lighten up on that stuff.
Howard said he should use one little spritz. Howard said if he's dead set on using it then he should spray it into the air and walk through it. He said when he uses it so concentrated it's really bad. He said that he could smell Ronnie in the hallway. He said he had to move behind him. Howard asked if he sprays one on each side of his neck. Ronnie said that he did the same thing today but maybe that morning he over did it.
Ronnie said he doesn't smell it at all. He said people tell him it smells good. Howard said if they can smell it that much then it's too much. Ronnie said that they were at AGT and he was sitting there and a girl moved over toward him to ask a question and She said it smelled really good. Howard laughed.
Howard asked when Ronnie is going to run out of this stuff. He thought they were out of business. Ronnie said they're still in business. You just have to order the stuff online.
Howard said Ronnie was talking about that stuff and saying that it releases ''endorphins.'' Ronnie said that's what it does when you sweat.
Howard said that Ronnie got into a fight with a transgender on the Wrap UP Show. Ronnie asked the woman if She had given birth to her kids. Howard said She just wants to be accepted as a woman and Ronnie was busting her balls. Ronnie said She was busting his balls first.
Howard played the clip from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where this transgender called in to talk to Ronnie. She said that her parts work and Ronnie said there's no way She feels it. She insisted that She does. Ronnie said there's no way She feels what a girl feels.
Howard said Ronnie was all over the Wrap UP Show talking about that and about Mambo. Howard played another clip of Ronnie explaining why he smelled more on the plane. That's where he talked about the endorphins. Ronnie said that everything was fine in the car.
Howard said he didn't say anything in the car but he did smell him. He said he doesn't say something every time there's an issue. Howard said he couldn't take it in the plane anymore. That's why he said something. Howard said it was hard to take. He said they got on the plane and it was worse. Ronnie said he doesn't usually see him right after he gets dressed. Howard said it was really strong. He said he drops hints to him and tells him that there's too much perfume on a woman and he understands that. Howard said Ronnie is just like that. He said he was stinking just like that woman. Ronnie said there's no way it's that bad. Howard said the people in the audience yell out ''Mambo'' to Ronnie too so they must smell it.
Howard and Ronnie talked about how they have to pack and unpack some more for all of these trips. Howard said he was with Ralph yesterday talking about that.
Howard said that JD was talking about something on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and he got into one of those tongue tied things where he can't express himself. In that clip JD's dad called in and explained what happened with Sharon Osbourne. The guys asked JD about why he tweeted what he did and JD got all tongue tied and blurted out an unintelligible answer. He just says ''I don't know'' after starting and stopping about 5 incomplete sentences.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who had a bad phone connection. SIM asked if he's met a lot of contestants and had to jerk off to them. Howard said he hasn't had to jerk off to any of them. He said it's not like that on the show. He said his sex life has been really good with his wife and he's not even jerking off that much. He said it could be his age too. He said he's really not jerking off that much anymore. Howard asked Robin if it's maturity or age. Robin said She thinks it's his good sex life that's very satisfying to him. Howard said he hasn't looked at anyone sexually at AGT. He said it's such a wholesome show that he doesn't look at it that way.
Howard said he still watches some babysitter porn once in a while. He said he wasn't able to find it on YouPorn the other day. Howard said he has to go because he has Elle Macpherson and Whitney Cummings coming in today. Howard said they still have tickets available for Austin if anyone wants them. Howard said that Gary was only giving a few away a day. Howard said he told him to just give them all away. Howard said that he thinks if someone calls in then they should just give them to them. Howard said if people want them then just give them away. Gary said he thinks it makes sense to let other people try to get them. Howard said they don't have to jerk people off. He said it's a huge inconvenience to do that to them.
Howard and Gary went back and forth arguing about the tickets thing. Howard said it's not fair to the guy who called in yesterday to get tickets and they turned him away. Howard said they should just give all of the tickets away when they can.
That argument led back to Gary and Howard arguing about the Prophet system. Howard said Gary has to call Jeff and just try to get some help from him. He said it can't hurt to try. Then Gary and Speech Impediment Man got into an argument. Gary said he's an untalented stand-up comedian who has never done anything but this show. SIM said at least he knows how to throw a baseball. Gary said he's the same guy he was 15 years ago when they met him.
Gary said that Elle was there so they shouldn't be doing this. Howard said she's probably wondering what kind of radio show this is. He said she's a very good looking woman. Howard said this woman who was on The Bachelor is like the worst person in the world. Howard said She was so beautiful and that's why She won. Howard said if you're good looking you get everything. Howard said he's jumping for joy that Elle Macpherson is there. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said Billy Joel told them that this song was written for Elle Macpherson. Howard had her come in and said it looks like She was chewing gum. She said She had a mint so her breath would be good for him. Howard asked how She was. She said the last time She was there they were talking about her undies. Howard asked when She was on the show. Elle said that She was on a few years ago, maybe 5. She said maybe She just wanted to be on the show. Howard said that must be it. Howard asked if she's ever been on the show. Gary said they couldn't find anything. He said he doesn't remember.
Howard said that Billy told them that ''Uptown Girl'' was written for her. She said She didn't know that. Howard said Billy told them that they were out on a dinner date or something. Elle said that She was out with Whitney Houston and they met in St. Barths and Billy told her that She had to hear this tape of Whitney singing and it was so beautiful. Elle said that She worked with Whitney when She was a model. She said that shows how old She is.
Howard asked Elle if She watches The Bachelor. She said She doesn't watch anything but Fashion Model (her new show). Howard said that people are obsessed with good looks. Howard said that he tells women on America's Got Talent that image is everything. He said that's a very important thing. Elle said she's been in the fashion and entertainment business for 30 years and beauty and talent surpasses everything. She said beauty is a carte blanche to do anything. She said that you have to know how to take advantage of it though.
Howard said that he thinks about Elle's life and how she's dated a lot of dudes. He said that She might get in with the wrong crowd. She said that's not true. Howard said that they don't seem to last with her. She said She lasted 10 years with her first husband and the man who is the father of her children. Robin said She has a 10 year cycle.
Howard said that Elle learned French for her husband, in 6 months. Howard said he read that She tested in the top 3 percentile of her country. She said that She did that and She was going to study law at 17. She said that She took her final exams and did very well. She said She got into university and then She took a gap year to model. Howard asked why She didn't start modeling at 9. She said that's not appropriate at that age.
Elle said that She was either going to be a teacher or a lawyer. Then She was told about modeling and She tried that out. She said that She went to the modeling agency and She started working. Howard said She rapidly started earning big money too. She said that was a year later and that's what happened.
Howard said he heard she's worth $70 million. She said she's worth more than that. Howard said that she's a huge catch. He said that men must be beating down her door. She said She wanted to be an independent woman and she's a single mother. She said that She has an assistant who works with her boys who are 14 and 9. Howard said he wishes he had an assistant. She said that the assistant helps them for school hours and then She does her mom thing the rest of the day.
Howard asked if Elle has ever been rejected by a man. She said She has felt rejected. Howard said She couldn't have been rejected. Elle said that She has been rejected in relationships. Howard asked if She had a relationship with George Clooney. She said She ''snogged'' him in a movie but that was it. Howard asked why they never hooked up. She said that George was seeing a woman at the time. She said that the woman was French and very pretty.
Howard asked Elle if She gets what She wants. He said very few men can resist her. She said She doesn't have a prey and go after it. She said that they have to have a mutual thing going. Howard asked if she's ever made love to a man the same night she's met them. She said she's sure She has. She said She doesn't have a rule book for that kind of thing.
Howard asked Elle if it was Billy Joel. She said it's too early in the morning for this conversation. Howard asked more about Billy and how She went out with him and Christie Brinkley. Elle said that She had no place to live and Billy had a big apartment that he offered to her. She said he lived on the bottom floor and She lived on the top floor. She said that it started off as plutonic. Howard said that Billy wrote that song for her and Christie got the credit. Howard said that it was about Elle and She didn't even know it. Elle said that She didn't know it at the time.
Howard said She was always known as ''the body.'' Elle said that She started to build a product around that term after Time magazine coined it. Howard said She was going to sue Heidi Kluum over that term. Elle said that's not true. Howard said that She met the Dalai Lama who told her not to sue. Elle said that's not true at all. She asked where he gets this stuff from.
Howard asked Elle how many brothers and sisters She has. She said She has a sister, a brother and a half sister. Howard asked if her sisters are as good looking as her. Elle said they're more attractive in many ways. She said they've just chosen to do different things with their lives. Howard asked if they're jealous of her and her career. Elle said She hopes they're not. Howard said he would get her to talk about this stuff if he was in bed with him.
Howard asked if Elle is extraordinary in bed. She said he'd have to ask the men that. Howard asked if there is a lot of photographers using women and getting them to sleep with them to get them into the big stuff. Elle said She never had that kind of experience. She said that the modeling agencies were very helpful to her when She was working her way up. She said that She was independent from day one when She got there. Elle said that She was able to pay her rent and lived on trail mix when She wasn't able to pay her rent. She said She built a life for herself and never had that experience Howard is talking about.
Howard said Elle was worth $70 million in 1998. He said that She must have made more since then. Howard asked how tall She is. She said she's 6 foot and 6 foot 3 in heels.
Howard asked Elle about breaking up wit this billionaire dude Jeff. Howard said She dated him from 2009 until recently. Howard asked if she's on the market now. She said he's making it sound like she's a piece of meat. Howard said that She is. Howard asked if this billionaire is a super good looking dude. She said that it's all about the inside. Howard said that she's not after him for his money. She said that She isn't. Elle said that she's not in love with him now. Howard asked if She gets bored with these guys sexually. Elle said no. She said that they live a lot longer than they used to and you're not supposed to be with someone so long. She said she's had truly loving relationships and She doesn't feel She owes Howard an explanation.
Howard read that She dated Bryan Adams. She said She did not. She said She was friends with him. Howard said he's way shorter than her. She said she's not a heightist. She said She will date someone shorter than her. Howard said She dated Kevin Costner too. She said She didn't date him. Howard asked if he's wacky. Elle said that she's not going to talk about this stuff. She said Kevin was the all American boy. Howard asked about Colin Farrell. Elle said that they must be getting their information from Wikipedia. She said Wikipedia is full of shit.
Howard asked Elle about what goes wrong with her relationships but She said that he's a bright man and he must know why these things end.
Howard said that Elle isn't wearing a bra. He asked what size She is. She said she's a 34-C. Howard asked if she's done any plastic surgery. She said that she's very natural. Howard asked if that's the trick not to fall into that. She said that works for her. Howard asked if she's tried botox. She said she's tried everything. She said this is about as natural as you can get. Howard said She looks like a woman instead of being all pulled back. Howard asked if She looks in the mirror and feels good. She said she's happier than she's ever been. Elle said She feels good about her whole life right now. She said She feels really good about the show that's premiering. Howard said he'll get to that in a minute.
Elle said She decided to do a show in Britain and She did that with Tyra Banks. She said She took that show over as the host. Howard said now she's going to be on this show here called ''Fashion Star'' which will be on NBC. Howard said John Varvatos will be on the show too and he wears nothing but John Varvatos clothes. Howard said he thinks the guy is a genius.
Elle told Howard that the designers in the show will get their lines picked up by some big stores. She said that they'll have the winner's clothes available the following day or that night online. She said it's an interesting concept in shopping. She said that it's all about branding and selling. She said that they are targeting women and men with the show. Elle said that they can change these people's lives overnight. She said the show stars tonight on NBC at 9:30. Howard said if this takes off she must own the whole show. Elle said that she has ownership in the show to some extent. Howard said if it takes off she's going to have a lot of money.
Howard asked Elle who her model friends are. She said that she lives in London so she sees Claudia Schiffer and Stella McCartney. She said that it's the British crowd that she sees.
Howard asked Elle if she was into drugs. She said she has tried some stuff but she's not going to be specific. Howard asked if she got wild and got it on with another model. She said she's not going there with him. Howard asked what the big deal is. Elle asked what he thinks. Howard said he thinks she did make it with another woman. Elle wasn't saying anything.
Howard asked if she has stretch marks on her from the kids. Elle said she doesn't think she does. She said her body has changed as she's aged though. Howard asked if she ever saw Whitney Houston naked. Elle said she doesn't remember that. She said that there was some swimming going on though. Howard asked if they ever went skinny dipping. Elle said they all did things like that at 20. She said they're not monumental milestones. Howard said that it must not be a big deal to be nude when you're a model. She said she's Australian too so she was very at ease with her body.
Howard said that she must walk around naked in the house. Elle said she has a 14 year old son so it's not appropriate to do that now. Howard asked if she ever rubbed oil on Christie Brinkley. Elle said that Howard is so gross. She asked if he got a shag this morning. Howard said he didn't. Elle asked who they have to call to get that taken care of. Howard said that would be his wife.
Howard asked Elle about what kind of underwear she likes to wear. She said she's into briefs. Howard asked Elle what she likes to do for fun. Elle said that she likes to be around her kids. She said that she shares custody with the father of her kids. She said she gets them for 20 days and then he gets them for 10. She said she does her travel during those 10 days.
Howard gave Elle a plug for ''Fashion Star'' and asked about the judges on the show. Elle said that she's a host and also an executive producer. Elle said that they have Jessica Simpson, Nicole Richie and John Varvatos on the show as judges. Howard said Jessica is heavy. Elle said that she's pregnant. Howard asked if she's an idiot or smart. Elle said that she's built a business so you have to be smart to do that. Howard asked if she's smart or not. Elle said that she's done really well for herself. Howard asked what Nicole Ritchie's credential is. Elle said that both Jessica and Nicole are great on the show. She said that Nicole is funny and intelligent. Howard asked if her credential is her father Lionel. Elle said he should watch the show and see for himself before asking.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Elle is flirting with him and he could bang her. Howard asked Elle if he could get her if he was single. Elle said she was flirting but she didn't say that she would definitely do it.
Elle told Howard that she's going to do Kelly Ripa's show this morning. Howard said he thinks that Kelly doesn't like him anymore. He said that she's not into them like she used to be. He said he must have done something to piss her off.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if she likes being spanked and if she was spanked as a child. Elle said that her parents used a hair brush. She said that her mom was the one to do that. She said that her mom would do it over the clothes so she wouldn't leave a mark. Howard asked what her mom would wear. Elle said that her mom is really hot. She said that her mom is only 16 years older than her. She said she adores her mother and father too.
Howard took another call from a guy who mentioned a movie Elle was naked in. Howard asked Elle if she's doing any acting now. She said she's not doing that much. The caller asked Elle how she keeps her bush these days. Elle said she's been through it all. She's not going to tell them what she dos now. Howard said he thinks that she's completely shaved. She said that's so cliché. Howard said he would beg her to shave down completely. Elle said she wouldn't do it just for Howard. Howard asked if she'd let him shave it. She said she wouldn't trust him near that. Howard said he would be very gentle and do it while she sleeps.
Howard wished Elle luck with her new show tonight. He said that he hopes she's wearing something hot in it. She said she does wear some rock and roll stuff as it goes along. Howard said John Varvatos is the best designer out there. Elle said he is... for men.
Howard asked Elle if she's American. She had told him about 3 times that she lives in London. Elle said that she flew in just to see Howard. She said she got in at 1 last night. Howard asked who she thinks should be the next president. She said she thinks Obama will take it again. She said he's very popular around the world. Howard said that it's cool that he's black too.
Howard asked Elle what she had on her feet. She showed him her shoes. Howard said he loves those. He took one more call for her. The caller asked if Carol Alt is a super model. Elle said it depends on how you define it. She said that the phrase was coined by Sports Illustrated. She went into an explanation but didn't say if it was yes or no. Howard asked Fred. Fred said no. He said that Elle definitely is. He said that Carol was close but she never was a super model. Fred said that he saw some pictures of then and now and Elle was in the article and Carol was not.
Fred said that Giselle Bundchen and Linda Evangelista are super models. Elle said that women whose names you know and have had a long career are super models. Howard asked if she has any photos of her hanging on her walls. She said she has one that Herb Ritz took and it's just her wearing a gun holster. She said that's all she's wearing. She said she has it hanging in her bedroom. Howard asked what the kids think of that. She said that it's just from behind so her breasts aren't showing.
Howard said that he was traumatized when his mother came out of the shower naked in front of him once. Elle said she can imagine that if she looks like him. Howard took that pretty hard. Elle said she was just joking. Howard said that he's going to let her go now. He said he appreciates her not wearing a bra. He said she's wearing a t-shirt and it's almost see through. Howard said that she doesn't even need a bra. Howard wished Elle luck with the new show and let her go a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about why he was fawning over Paul Simon when he met him a couple of weeks ago. He said that this song is one of those reasons.
Howard said that Whitney Cummings is coming in now. He said that she's got a hit TV show on NBC. Howard said that he was thinking about her. He said that there must be a lot of pressure on her. Whitney said that she has to take her jacket off for Howard. She said she's following Elle Macpherson so she's feeling kind of self conscious. Howard said that she should take off her stockings. He said that she'd be so much hotter without those things. He told her to take them off.
Howard said that Whitney is so hot and he's surprised that she doesn't have better luck with men. Whitney took off her stockings for Howard. Howard said she's going to be so much better without them. Howard said she has nice legs. Whitney said she thinks they're pale and ugly. Howard told her to put her shoes back on. Whitney said she should be getting paid hourly for this.
Howard thanked Whitney for taking them off. He said her legs are cute. He asked what she weighs. She said she's like 130 something. Howard asked how tall she is. She said she's like 5'9'' or so. Howard asked if guys hit on her a lot. She said she's the loud girl so they really don't. She said that there are much quieter girls out there. Howard said she has a great mind though. She thanked him for that.
Howard asked Whitney if she's on medication. Whitney said she is. Howard said he can tell. He said that she seems to be filled with anxiety. Howard said she has two shows on the air. She stars in one and she's taken a beating from the critics. Whitney said it was crazy because the negative feedback was very personal. She said that maybe that's because her name is on the show. Whitney said that they were saying she's too skinny and looks old and stuff like that. She said that these were journalists saying this stuff. She said that a New York Times reporter asked her if she slept her way to the top. She said she knew something was going on after that. She said it really hurts when that happens.
Howard said the reviews were brutal. He said that the ad campaign was intense and he hoped that she was going to be okay. Howard said he likes her personally and he was worried about her. He said that he doesn't have her number and he knew it must have been disappointing to her. Howard said other comedians became jealous of her. Whitney said that comedians feed off of each other. She said if one does well with a show like that then they all do well.
Whitney said she didn't know what was going on with the whole thing because she was so busy with the show. She said she hadn't read the reviews until after the show started. She said she had some family drama going on too. She said she had to put her sister in rehab and her mom had a stroke. Whitney said her sister is 30 now and she had this 15 year thing that was going on. She said that she didn't know it was as bad as it was. Whitney said that she hadn't seen her sister in like 5 years and one of her friend sent her a note about what she was up to and she had to do something.
Whitney said all of this was going on as her show was staring. She said that her mom is able to speak but she can't use her whole left side. She said she's doing okay though.
Howard asked Whitney about how she got her sister to go. Whitney said that she had to yell at drug dealers and people like that like she was Liam Neeson in ''Taken.'' She said that she had to intercept her sister at the interventionist's office. She said that her sister wanted to get out of this whole thing and she thinks she had an out of body experience. Howard said they have to voluntarily go to rehab. Whitney said that she had to let her sister take as much Xanax as she wanted to get her on the plane. Whitney said that she tried to act very calm but she was so jacked up in her addiction. She said that it was a very emotional thing for her.
Howard asked Whitney why she thinks she was spared from the addiction thing. Whitney said that it's just the luck of the draw. She said she has realized why she's got all of this stuff going on in her life. She said she thought she was just fucked up but she has found out what her personality defects are from being the child of an alcoholic.
Howard asked Whitney how her sister handled rehab. Whitney said that she ended up leaving rehab early and went to heroin instead of the prescription drugs. Whitney said she learned what love is through her sister. She said that she went back and she told her to let her know when she was done with rehab. Whitney said that she wasn't able to make good decisions. She said that she left rehab and got on heroin which she had never done before. Whitney said that rehab is like porn for drugs. She said they talk about what the drugs do to you and it sounds great so you go out and try them.
Whitney said that she got on the phone with the drug dealer her sister was with and she threatened him. She said that she was destroying his manhood. She said it was like she was roasting him. She said she should save some of those jokes for her next roast. Whitney said she lifted the speech from Liam Neeson in ''Taken'' and told him that she'd ruin his life. She said she has money and she will go after him. Whitney said that she got her sister into rehab in L.A. and she had pneumonia and gangrene. She said that she got back into rehab and she's been there for about 4 months now. Howard asked if she wears stockings too. Whitney said that he'd like her sister. Whitney said her sister doesn't wear underwear or bras.
Howard asked Whitney about how much it costs to go to rehab. Whitney said it's about $40-60,000 a month. She said that's a lot but she's looking at it as if she's saving her sister's life. Howard asked if she's thankful for her helping. Whitney said she was pissed at first but now she's doing great. Howard asked if Whitney had that guy killed who was giving her sister drugs. Whitney said that he's out of their life now. She said he did fly out to L.A. with her but then she sent him back home. Whitney said that she had to fly him in with her so he could give her the drugs she needed to fly out there.
Whitney said that people treated her like she had cancer when the show came out. She said that she got the negative feedback from them. Howard asked if people were talking behind her back. Howard said that he's very insecure. Whitney said she wouldn't leave her house. Howard said he didn't want to call because it could make it worse. Whitney said that it would have been fine if he had called. She said she would have been excited for that.
Howard told Whitney they tweeted out the picture of her taking her stockings off. Howard said it looks like she's done something to her eyes too. She said she does something to her eyebrows. She said it might be the antidepressant's she's on. Whitney said she's on trazadone. Howard said he likes fixing damaged women. He said he could fix her but it's a lot of energy and he's not sure he has that.
Howard asked if things were so bad she wasn't able to function. Whitney said that she was having panic attacks, real panic attacks, and she was having a hard time. Whitney said that things were getting really personal and nasty with her show. She said that they tried to find one positive review of a multi-camera show and there aren't many. She said they were going off on her about her grating voice and things like that. She said it was brutal. Whitney said that she cant change most of the things that they were complaining about.
Howard said the show was on Thursday night and it got good ratings but then it dropped off. She said they didn't drop off that much. She said now they're on Wednesday nights at 8 and they're doing really well. Howard asked if they're going to renew. She said she's not sure but she hopes so. Howard said he'll make some calls for her. Howard asked if she'd go into a major depression if she was canceled. She said that she would not. She said she was missing stand-up but she's back into that too.
Whitney said that ''Two Broke Girls'' is doing phenomenally. She said that Michael Patrick King is taking care of that but she'll throw in a joke here and there.
Whitney told Howard that the people at NBC took the pressure off of her and had them make the show more like friends and not just focus on her. Whitney said that she would be so much more delicate with people in the roasts after going through this whole thing.
Howard asked if people approach her more in public now. She said that they do come up to her in the airport and stuff. She said that they knows her name now.
Howard asked Whitney if she is in ''the club'' so to speak. Whitney said that she hasn't gotten the whole fame thing down yet. She asked what you're supposed to think when you're on the red carpet. She said she's not sure what to think while doing that. Howard said most people are just thinking about being on the red carpet and Whitney is just thinking about how crazy it is. Howard said you just think that it's good they're taking pictures of you. He said that you should pose and just think about that. He said that you don't think about how stupid the whole thing is.
Whitney said that all celebrities pretend they know each other and she had no idea. She said they say hello like you've met and she's never met these people. Howard said Robin is like that with black people. Robin said that they will say that they'll talk later and they don't even know each other.
Howard said he has fought against that all his life but now when he goes he gets to hear about these people's lives. He said he kind of likes that. Howard said maybe that's the way to look at it.
Howard asked Whitney who she's met. She said she met Gerard Butler. Howard asked if he was interested in her. She said that was right before he went to rehab so he's her type. Howard said maybe he wanted her to pay for his rehab. Whitney said that these men get paid to be sexy and charismatic and she's not the only one having that connection with them.
Howard asked Whitney if her boyfriend was her assistant. She said he basically is now but he's a very successful writer. She said that she bought the house and he owns another house. She said the key to owning the house is that you never have to suck dick if you don't want to. Howard said it sounds like she's just settling for him. She said that she loves her boyfriend. She said she has to work on herself to make it work but he's flawless.
Howard said Whitney dated a Hollywood agent for a while. Whitney said that she did date that guy on three dates. She said they went to some nice restaurants but they were hole in the wall type places. She said that once he asked her to go to a really nice place. She said that she thought it was going to be really cool. She said that he told her that his fiancee was going to be at a party the next night. She said they never really had sex but they did hook up in her car. She said it was like he was having a relationship with her and he had another wife. She said she was stunned. Whitney said that she thought it was her fault at first but then she was like ''fuck you'' and walked out.
Whitney said there are guys who are doing weird shit these days. She said she was hooking up with this guy and he went from sucking on her nipples to violently biting them. She said that it was going on for a long time. She said it was painful. She said it felt good for a little while but then it hurt. She said she was screaming so hard. She said that she was in so much pain that she got numb. She said it was going on for like 10 minutes. Whitney said she doesn't have that much there. She said she woke up the next morning and her whole chest was covered in dried blood. She said that it was like a Jackson Pollock painting. She said she had scabs all over her chest. She said that she had her hair pulled too. She said she likes that but she has hair extensions and it was just too much.
Whitney said that she wants to go back to being a comedian again. She said that people will ask her how she got the TV show and things like that. She said that she worked hard to get it and they think that her manager just got it for her.
Howard asked when they'll know if Whitney is renewed. She said it should be in May sometime. Howard said he'll talk to some of the execs about that.
Whitney told Howard that she and Beth are tweeting together. She said that they're direct message tweeting. Howard said he heard about that. Howard said he talks to Jimmy Kimmel like that. Whitney said she wrote a stupid tweet about Christmas cards and not needing to see a dog wearing a hat. She said that Beth wrote back that she shouldn't send a card of Bianca in a hat. Beth wrote her back and sent her the card and calendar. Whitney said that Beth is very nice to her over Twitter. Howard said he would like to get Beth to do something with another chick and maybe he can get Whitney to do it.
Howard said he thinks Whitney is terrific and he was wondering how she was doing during all of this. Robin said that it really was a lot of things going on at once with her. Howard said he heard that ''Whitney'' had died an he thought of Whitney Cummings. She said she likes that she's the first one that pops into his head.
Howard said that Whitney's show airs on Wednesday nights on NBC. Howard said she must be making a ton of dough. Whitney said she is doing well but a lot of that money goes right back out to pay for her sister's rehab.
Howard asked Whitney if she has a lot of celebrities living near her. She said she has Shia Labeouf somewhere near her and some other people like that. Howard said that Jimmy has a lot of famous people living near him. He said that Emily Blunt lives across the street and Kristin Bell and Dax Sheppard stop by. He said it's a lot of fun out there.
Howard said he went to Malibu once and he kept getting invited over to famous people's homes. Howard said that's dangerous for him. He kept thinking that he had to bang these women that invited him over.
Whitney asked if he can go to dinner with a woman alone. Howard said he can't do that. Beth isn't good with that. Howard said he can't go to dinner with Whitney alone.
Howard said that he wishes Whitney luck with the TV show. He said she has to get off the meds if she can. She said she only takes them at night so she can sleep. Robin asked if she thinks that she could ever get off of them to sleep on her own. Whitney said she doesn't see that happening.
Whitney said that she has a body psychic. Howard said that sounds kooky to him. She said that it works for her. She said that this woman is really smart and good looking too. She said she finds the spot where your body hides pain and helps relieve it. Howard said he needs to go to her. He said he holds pain in his cock. Whitney said that she apologizes a lot and this woman tells her she doesn't have to do that all the time. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that they got to know Whitney years ago when they had the Hottest Funniest chick contest. Howard mentioned anther contest they have coming soon. They have a Triple X Factor contest coming up soon where they have a $10,000 prize. Howard said you can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard.
Howard said he was listening to the ads they have on there and he heard one for a strip you put on your penis to make it taste better. Howard said that he might have to get that. He said it's a good ad. Howard played the ad for something called Mask. Howard said that he bets that women have been with a few dudes who have needed that. Howard said he knows he needs one. He said sometimes he might be stinky down there. He said he's insecure about that. He said he doesn't need anyone blowing him and throwing up.
Howard said he got a newsletter from this guy who runs a radio station. Howard said he runs a charity for down and out radio guys too. Howard said that they've wasted their lives on radio and they're old now so he helps them out. Howard said he gives to the charity. His name is William O'Shaunessy. Howard said that the guy wrote an editorial about Rush Limbaugh. Howard said that as broadcasters they should defend the guy. Howard said that if you talk for a living you might be on for four hours a day and you are bound to say something that's going to offend someone. He said you might say something stupid. Howard said he knows he's done that himself. He said that even Babe Ruth struck out.
Howard said he thinks that Bill Maher was making a point about it. Robin said Bill said that he differentiated himself from Rush because Rush isn't a comedian. Robin said Bill was saying that you may say something that will offend someone and he's been through that kind of thing when he had a show on ABC. Howard said it would be kind of cool if they took Rush off the air. He said he's lost all of his advertisers from what he's heard.
Howard said he thinks Rush is an ass because he never deviates from the views of the republican party. Howard said he is kind of bummed that Bill Maher doesn't come on the show anymore. Howard said he must have been shitty to the guy.
Howard had the audio of Bill talking about Rush Limbaugh. Bill said he doesn't like it when people are made to disappear when they say something you don't like. He said that no one died and one guy made a bad joke. Howard said he doesn't buy that Rush is a comedian either. Robin said he will claim to be an entertainer. Howard said he took offense to what Bill said about the terrorists being brave on 9/11. Howard said he thinks Bill is mad over something other than that though. He said he likes Bill a lot though.
Howard played more of Bill's comments on Rush. Howard said Scott DePace said that Rush was just kidding around. Howard said there was no kidding around. Gary said that Rush wouldn't even say he was joking. Howard said that if Scott had a daughter and Rush called her a prostitute he'd have a big problem with it. Scott said that Maher made a joke about Sarah Palin's daughter. Howard said that was a completely different thing. Scott said that Billy Maher called Palin's daughter a slut. He asked why there's no problem with that. Robin said that he's taking that out of context. Howard told Scott to find the audio and he'll play it.
Howard said he has called Maher out on his bullshit before. He said he's not just siding with Maher on this. He said that if he finds someone who says something then he'll call him out on it. Howard said Bill lost his show over a joke. Scott said it wasn't over the same offense. Howard said he's not making an issue out of this. Howard said that Limbaugh's line was not done in a comedic way and he basically called a young lady a whore. He said he did this over a four day period. It wasn't a one time thing.
Howard played a clip of Rush Limbaugh talking about this woman while Peter Gabrielle's ''Sledgehammer'' playing behind him. Rush said that this woman is basically a slut. Howard said that he's a fat, fucking sausage fingered, pig. Robin said right.
Howard said he heard that Robin has a rage monster in her. Robin said that women have a rage monster in them. She said it's not just her. Robin said she is going to learn to teach this kind if thing. Robin said she's going to learn about the concepts and then teach. Robin said it's just for practice. Howard said he likes it.
Howard asked JD to find a clip of that girl doing that. He said it's really annoying. Howard did an impression of her breaking in and out of that ''vocal fry'' thing. Howard said the Bachelor picked the worst woman to win that show. He said that she's the most vomitus type of woman. He said she is the hottest chick he's seen and he would date her too. He said he'd fuck her brains out. Robin said she doesn't think he would. Howard said he has put up with the worst personalities for weeks just because they were so hot.
Robin started with a story about a guy in London who was letting guys pee on him in the bathroom of a pub. Robin said that one guy saw an eye so some other guys went in and grabbed the guy but he ran away. Robin said she's not sure how that can be enticing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has to say he appreciates as much of Howard's show as he can get. He said that guy who called in yesterday was an asshole. The caller said they give them like 40 hours a day of Howard between the two channels. Howard said he's a fan of radio and the more of the show you have the better it is. He said he knows people would like 5 shows a week but he felt that this was something he had to do to keep himself sane.
The caller said that there is nothing else better on Sirius. He said the only thing he'll tune away for is a football game or something. The caller said he has fallen asleep snoring on the show like three times now. Howard had to hang up saying that he was putting him to sleep.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he was at the America's Got Talent show on Saturday... and then hung up. Robin said that was odd. Howard said the phone callers were very interesting today.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows they were talking about the Austin tickets and he got two tickets today. He said he wanted to get two more if he could. Howard told Gary to get him two more. He said he wants him to handle this personally. Gary said he just anted to make sure he knew that he already gave him two. Howard said he knows what the guy got. He wanted two more so he's saying yes. Howard said Gary if feisty today. He said he must not be getting laid. Gary said he's doing his very best trying to produce the show. Gary asked if he wants him to take a nap. Howard said Gary is really worked up today.
Howard said he understands what the guy said and he just asked Gary what his problem is. Gary said he was talking to Scott about a piece of tape for Howard and he heard this guy talking to Howard and he heard he already had tickets. Howard said he asked him to just give him two more. Howard asked him to stop. He said maybe he's irritable from being at the Springsteen concert. Gary said that Howard was up late too. Howard said he's trying to make the show more valuable.
Gary asked if he shouldn't go out on the weekends. Howard said he has to do what he has to do. Howard said he should be calling Jeff Schick. Gary said he already did that. Howard said he has to take Gary out to Austin this week. Gary said he's having second thoughts. Howard told him not to come then... ''Fuck you.''
Howard said he just wanted to know if Gary was okay. Gary said he's fine. He said Howard is the one who doesn't seem to be okay with him. Howard said it's enough already.
Robin got back to her news and read about a middle school basketball coach who ran to the other side after his team lost and bit the other coach's ear. Robin said that the victim had to be rushed to the hospital to have his ear reattached. Howard said that's like the guy who got his ear shot off in Breaking Bad.
Howard had Rachel Butera on the phone. She wanted to do an impression of these girls who croak. She did her impression and that was exactly what Howard was talking about. Howard asked if JD was working on that too. Gary said he didn't hear the question. Gary said he is working on that.
Howard said Gary is like a maniac in there today. He said he's high strung today. He needs those pills that Whitney is on. Howard and Rachel did more of that croaking voice thing for a minute and then Howard let her go.
Robin read about how the Knicks lost last night and this ''Linsanity'' thing seems to have gone away. Howard said that guy is a good player but he can't carry the team. He said he won't transform the team. Howard went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:45am, Robin got back to her news and read a story about Peyton Manning. Howard had some audio of him crying at a press conference.
Howard said Richie Wilson sent him a video of this game called Tazer Ball. He said that they use tazers to tackle guys playing the game. Howard said it was the most exciting game he's seen. Howard said that it was great. He said those guys have to be really tough.
Robin read about some notes they found from Richard Nixon. Robin had some of the stuff they found and read it. Howard repeated what she was saying in his Nixon impression.
Howard said JD found that clip of Lindsay talking on The Bachelor. Howard played the clip and Howard wasn't sure what show that was from. Howard said that wasn't from the show. JD said it was before the proposal. Howard said that's cool. Howard played the clip and the chick was doing that vocal fry thing. Howard said she has a girl voice but then she breaks into that voice fry thing. Howard said a lot of women are doing it now. Howard said this chick is hot but that voice fry thing is annoying. Howard did his impression of it and said it's like when Fred does his Tranny voice. Fred did some of that for him.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who had a problem with his phone. Howard said he can't put up with that. He hung up on him after he asked why Gary is on the rag today. Howard said he doesn't know.
Robin read about a 2 year old girl that fell into a septic tank and died. Howard said that's a horrible way to die. Robin said that the family didn't know that the girl had fallen in. She said the kid disappeared and they didn't know where she went. Robin said they found the hole and drained the tank where they found the body. Fred threw in some Jackie laughs after Robin read that.
Howard said he saw this week's Walking Dead and they're killing off major characters. He said he loves it. Robin said that it was suspenseful right up until it happened. He said he really digs that. Robin said they are doing a great job with that show.
Robin read about how Jane Fonda is calling for Rush Limbaugh to be removed from radio. Robin read about how they're going to the FCC asking them to remove him from the airwaves. Robin said she's not sure they have a case there.
Robin read about a guy who is suing Apple over their Siri app because he says it's false advertising. Howard said that the app doesn't always work right but he doesn't want anyone suing over that. He said he wants them to be able to keep developing stuff like that.
Robin read about how Mitt Romney has been asked about what some of his favorite things are. Robin had some of his favorite songs. Howard said he must have them picked by someone else. Robin had Howard play the songs that were his favorites. One of them was a country song. Howard played one that might be another favorite. It was ''The House Next Door Was Sold To Nig*ers.'' Howard told Fred to turn that off after a couple of seconds. Robin said that Mitt is into the Kingston Trio. He's also into Clint Black. Robin had some examples of those songs. Robin said he's also into Roy Orbison and Willie Nelson. Howard said this is ridiculous. He said this Willie Nelson song is just filler. Howard said he has terrible music choices. Robin said he does like The Killers and Kid Rock too. Howard said the guy must be a weird dude.
Robin had some news about the primaries that have been going on and had a couple of audio clips of some of the guys talking about that.
Robin read some news about the Rutgers student who was accused of spying on his roommate who ended up committing suicide. Robins said that case is being heard today.
Robin read about the soldier who shot and killed up to 16 Afghans in Afghanistan. Robin said that he was on his first tour of duty over there. Howard said he read he had a brain injury and they packed him up and sent him right back into service. Robin said she heard someone saying that someone should have known that he wasn't fit to be in service. Robin and Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Robin read about the Rolling Stones 50th anniversary coming up. Robin said that they are putting together a tour to honor that anniversary and people like Ronnie Spector, Art Garfunkel and Marianne Faithful will be part of the tour. Howard said they should have done that. Robin said they have already announced the tour. Robin read some of the other people who are supposed to be on the tour that starts on Tuesday night. Howard said he thinks he's just going to wait for the Stones instead. He said this show sounds depressing.
Robin read about Jessica Simpson being on The Tonight Show last night talking about her fiancee and how she has a problem saying the name of the state he's from, Massachusetts. Howard said that Jay is acting all confused and freaked out that she's saying ''Mass-a-two-shits'' instead. Howard said he met Nick Lachey, Jessica's ex-husband, and he looked like he had been through Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Howard said the guy was a mess after that. Robin said Howard tried to warn him about marrying her. He didn't listen.
Robin read about a woman who was soliciting sex from her home. She's a porn star and the cops arrested her after she was caught soliciting.
Robin read about the state of Missouri having a huge problem with child abuse. Howard said it's the kids talking back and wising off. Howard said he thinks it's a positive sign. He said he thinks more people are coming forward than they did in the past. Robin had some audio of someone talking about child abuse.
Robin read about how a lot of people are worrying about their future retirement with the economy the way it is. Howard said he had to get a second job. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:25am.
Gary said that getting the problem fixed is the next issues. He said he's not sure that Jeff chick is going to be able to talk to the people from Prophet. That's what he was trying to tell Howard today.
Jon also asked about what happened with the caller who asked for more tickets. Gary said he didn't hear what had transpired. He said he was talking to Scott during that discussion so he missed it.
Jon said that Howard and Scott DePace also had a little argument. Scott was in so Jon asked him what he thought of what was going on with Gary and Howard. Scott said that Gary takes it out on everyone else. He said he and Gary were having a conversation about the Rush Limbaugh thing and Howard asked what Bill Maher had said. He said he stopped talking to Gary and then Gary asked if he was being a crybaby or something. Gary said somewhere in the middle of that they got lost in what they were discussing. He said that he told Scott maybe he shouldn't talk to him on the box during the show.
Benjy asked Gary if he has something else going on that's making him crazy. Gary said he has nothing else going on. Jon said that the whole Springsteen thing is what seemed to get to him. Gary said he's not the only one who went to that concert. Scott said he was surprised that Gary went. He said he's Howard's right hand man. Gary said if Howard is so upset about it then why did he give away tickets? Gary said that he didn't think Howard would look at it as a turncoat thing. He said Howard isn't thrilled with the concert but he didn't think it would be an issue for the rest of them. Scott said he didn't think Howard wanted anyone participating in the event.
Gary said he went to the concert to see his favorite artist in a way that he'd never be able to again. He said he hardly saw anyone there. Scott said he's not saying he did anything wrong but he may have made the wrong call.
Jon Leiberman was in and asked if he thinks that Howard was upset with him over that concert and it carried over to today. Gary said Howard did throw it in there a couple of times today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Howard feels back stabbed by Gary and that's why he's acting the way he did. The caller asked how many times Gary has seen Springsteen. Gary said he's seen him like 50 or 60 but this was different. He said if it was Madison Square Garden he probably wouldn't have gone.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked about the color problem with the Prophet system. Gary said they just found an issue with the system and they're not sure how to fix it. Scott said he thinks they should number them instead of using colors. He said the numbers aren't subjective.
Leiberman said that Gary was snapping at him for pointing out that JD had pointed out the problem. Leiberman said Gary was saying he had found the problem but JD had found it. Gary said he was saying that the people who work on the system hadn't looked at it yet. He said that he thought it was a dumb question. Jon had to take a break so he had to cut them off with that.
Jon moved on to talk about Elle Macpherson. Gary said she looks good. She's 47 years old. Gary said that he and Will were talking about how she's too tall. Gary said he could get over that though.
Jon said that it was interesting how the interview unfolded. He said Elle was saying there was no rule book for her life and Howard was questioning her on that. He asked if Gary felt she was being disingenuous about it. Gary said she seems to have rules when she needs rules.
Gary said he thinks that Howard ran into Elle at a party years ago and she may have thought that's the guy she was going to get today. She may not have expected the sex questions today.
Jon said that Howard asked Elle about the nude picture she has hanging in her bedroom and he seemed to be concerned with the way it would affect her kids. Gary said that they're from a different culture so maybe it's not that big of a deal.
Gary said he went and looked at a house that had a nude picture of the guy's wife hanging in it. He said that was kind of weird to him.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she thinks Gary did the right thing today. She also said that she anted to talk about Elle's comment about Howard's mother. She said that was below the belt. Gary said the interview did get weird at the end. He said that she pulled out that line which was kind of unnecessary. Benjy said the apology made it even worse.
Sal said that's the beauty of being beautiful. He said if an ugly chick had said that then Howard would have kicked her right out. Sal was saying ''Elly'' instead of Elle but no one pointed it out to him. Jon asked Sal who he thinks are the hottest models. Sal said that Christy Brinkley really holds up.
Jon asked if Fred was vindicated today when they talked about Carol Alt. Gary said he thinks he did. He said they'll have to play that for Carol next time she comes in. Sal said he would do anything to be with Sofia Vergara. He said that she's the hottest chick in the world right now.
Gary said that he likes how Elle didn't think that the movie ''Sirens'' was about her being naked. He said that's all he saw in that movie just like that caller. They had to take another break after that.
Sal said that it doesn't mean that Gary did the wrong thing but he'd feel awkward if he went. Gary said he doesn't believe Sal. Sal said it would be really tough.
Jon said that Whitney Cummings was anything but reserved. Gary said she's been funny from the say she was first on. He said he had no idea what was going on in her life. He said that she really had a lot of stuff going on. Jon said he's not sure anyone could handle what they put her through. Gary said they were pounding the shit out of that show really early and it was too much. He said it would have been better if they had waited until the last minute instead of going on and on about how she was going to save the network.
Benjy asked if they're doing that well. Jon said they're doing okay in the ratings. He said he's not sure if it'll make it. He said he's not sure what the specific demographic numbers are. He said it's a shame too because people aren't judging the show for what it is. Gary said that he and his wife haven't been watching but he does have them on his TiVo. He said she told him to watch the last 3 and he'll like it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it's amazing how much control Howard has over Whitney. He had her take off her panty hose. Jon said that she is taken with Howard and he thinks Howard is taken with her too. Gary said she's funny and has a great personality. He said he doesn't even care that she doesn't have big tits.
Sal said she has that hit show ''2 Broke Girls'' too. He said that's a huge hit. Sal said he thinks that there are bitter people out there who have been breaking their asses trying to get shows going and Whitney shot out of a cannon and NBC got behind her. He said he thinks that the bitter people wanted to see her fail. He said there's a lot of jealousy out there. Sal said they wanted to kill the monster and she was shot out too fast and too soon. He said they should let it breathe like a bottle of wine. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show doing his George Takei impression. He was talking about going to a Broadway play and about Brad. Fred threw in some clips of George too. Howard was talking about how he misses him. Howard said he got booted off Celebrity Apprentice like in the first week. Robin said it was a little longer than that. Howard said they said he didn't have that meanness in him to keep going.
Robin said she had a stellar theater experience. She said she went to see Bam with Kevin Spacey. Howard and Fred asked her questions as George. Robin said he was amazing in the play. Howard, as George, said he's one of our greatest treasures. Howard said George always has things that keep him from going to certain things. Robin said he really should go see that play. Howard kept doing his impression and had George talking about how she always has a wonderful take on things. Fred played some of George's laugh and Robin asked how his play is coming along. ''George'' told Robin that it's coming along and they have funding for it now. He told her that William Shatner didn't come to see his play. He said they're not sure why he didn't come.
Howard said it's exhausting doing George. He said he's not sure how he keeps up because it's so exhausting.
Howard said he was watching The Voice and he's getting good at judging lately. He said he's so definite now. He said he's been to three cities so far and he's found that he's used to judging everything own. He said he starts like a computer and tabulates everything. He said he's like a Jedi now. Howard said he's in the zone and his judging chops are really good.
Howard said he thinks that he's the judge that people are going to agree with. He said sometimes you'll disagree but most of the time you will agree. Robin said that they say that some things don't translate over TV. Howard said he saw one act that was great in person but on TV they said it may not come through the same way. Howard said he made this passionate speech about how good they were and then he found out that it might come across as kind of flat on TV. He said he has to go with his gut though.
Howard said his attitude has changed and he's putting people through if he feels they might have it. Robin said that's what he's been talking about. Howard said they'd have no show if they didn't do that. Howard said if they were that good then they'd be headlining already. He said they do need to find a diamond in the rough.
Howard said they had a comedian out in St. Louis who he thought was really good for a guy who was just starting out. Howard said he had to put him through. Howard said the guy had good material that day so he had to put him through. He said he has the potential to be a great comedian.
Howard said it matters when and where you show up too. He said there are some similar acts so it depends on when you show up if you're going to make it through.
Howard said when he was in St. Louis he saw that arch and he wasn't very impressed. Howard said he got an avalanche of feedback about that and he wonders if people really care that much. He said that the St. Louis arch isn't that impressive and he can't believe people are that upset about it.
Howard said that he was listening to this Macy Gray album after Gary told him about it. He said that she covers some interesting songs. He said that he was listening to the album in front of his computer and he was getting sad. He said his dog was at his feet and she was looking up at him and he started hugging her so he decided to tweet out that he was feeling down. He said he started getting feedback about what a pussy he was. He said he was so desperate for love at that point. He said he was going to turn to his fans and expose himself and that's the feedback he got. He said he was so sorry he sent that message out.
Howard said people were calling him old. Then if you wait long enough people will turn around and they started sending him pictures of their dogs and stuff. He said that was a little better but not much better. He said one woman asked for a picture of his dog so he tweeted that out. Then he got off the computer so he wouldn't read that stuff anymore. Howard said he tried to turn to his fans for support but they called him a homo. He said they were gay bashing.
Robin said that people are bullied even as adults and they make it seem that it's just a kid thing. Gary said adults do get bullied. Howard said Gary was bullying him. Gary said that he got a lot of email about that yesterday. Howard said that Whitney Cummings is on major medication from the bullying she got.
Howard said he heard Sal bullying Whitney on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He said he should try writing a sitcom and see if he can get to where Whitney has. Sal came in and said that he praised her on that show. Howard said he heard what he says in the back office.
Howard asked Sal who the model was that came in yesterday. Sal said her name is ''Ellie'' Macpherson. Howard said that's what he thought. Howard said he interviewed her all morning long and he still doesn't know her name. Howard told Sal to say her whole name. Sal said that it's ''Ellie'' but he spelled it ''Elle.'' Howard said that she's one of the most famous models in America and he doesn't know her name. Howard asked if he heard the interview. Sal said he didn't hear all of it. Howard said they're just pointing out how ridiculous and retarded he is. Howard said people are laughing at Sal right now.
Howard said Sal is one of those guys who thinks that Whitney isn't talented. Sal said that's not true. Sal said he's not a huge fan of Whitney's but he thinks she's a great roaster. He said he's not floored with her comedy. He said he's not floored by her comedy. Howard said Sal is evaluating her as a comedian but he's not floored by her comedy. Howard said he heard that he was talking crap about her in the back but Sal said that's not true.
Howard asked Sal about Elle's name again but didn't correct him. Sal thought he was screwing up her last name. Howard said that her name is ''Elle'' and Sal said he knows that he called her that. Sal said that her name is ''Ellie'' and ''El'' is short for Ellie. Howard said that her name is Elle and it's not ''Ellie.'' Howard said Sal just refuses to learn.
Sal said that they were calling her ''Ellie'' on the wrap up show. Sal said he sees ''ELLE'' as ''Ellie.'' Howard said Sal has a reading problem. Sal said he thought it was like his name, Salvatore, being shortened to Sal. Howard said he's retarded.
Howard said that her name is Elle Macpherson and he walks in out of a time machine and says ''Ellie.'' Sal said she's a nice piece of ass and he doesn't care about her name. Howard said he's so dumb on so many levels. He said Sal doesn't care about anything.
Howard said Sal is constantly screwing up. Sal said that's not true. He said he gets plenty of stuff right. Sal asked why it's retarded if he says her name wrong. Howard said that everyone is saying Elle and Sal doesn't.
Gary said it's not that he read it wrong. It's that she's been in the mainstream media for 30 years and he still doesn't know what her name is. Sal said she hasn't been in the spotlight in his eyes. He said she doesn't stand out like some do to him.
Howard and Sal went back and forth about Whitney Cummings too. Sal told Howard to just hit the buzzer on him and throw him out. Howard said hitting that buzzer is so great. He said he loves when they all hit it and the stage goes black and a sound effect comes on. Sal said that Howard deserves that job. Howard thanked him and Sal thought he was goofing on him about that too. Howard said he wasn't goofing on him.
Howard said this girl Lindsay on The Bachelor will just break into that weird voice where it's kind of croaky. Howard played an example of her doing that. Howard said Richard and Sal called Tradio yesterday and had vocal fry. Howard played the call.
In the call Sal calls a Swap Shop show and says he has some stuff for sale and he's doing an impression of that Lindsay chick with her vocal fry. They even goofed on Sal over the voice on the show. They hung up on him and then Richard called in with the same thing. They hung up on him too. Richard called back and said that these prank callers are so annoying. They hung up again. Sal called in doing his voice again. The host said he's going to cut them off if they do that. They said that they're going to scan all of the callers from now on. A short time later Richard was back on and doing the same thing. The host tells his co-host to stop taking their calls. Sal calls back in and does the same thing. The show went to commercial break.
Robin said that was the best. She said that the whole system broke down. They were still getting through even when the guy said they were going to stop taking their calls. Howard said that whole vocal fry thing is crazy.
Howard said he thinks that the bachelor was turned off by that voice. Howard said no guy could put up with that in a long term relationship. Robin said Mariann is married. Howard said that's true. He said for the most part that vocal fry is very annoying.
Howard said he read that article about the vocal fry thing and he realized what it was. Howard said sometimes it's confusing when you hear it. He said you can't tell if they're doing it or not. Howard played more of that Lindsay chick from The Bachelor doing it. She talks in a normal voice at times but then she'll slow down and do that croaking thing. Howard said it seems like she does it when she's talking about her emotions. Howard got a laugh out of that when he heard her doing it again.
Fred did his impression of what that sounds like. He was doing it like he does his Tranny voice. He goes from a feminine voice to a Herman Munster kind of voice.
Howard said he's never heard Robin get into any voice shtick. He said she does do a British accent once in a while. Robin said that some of the people on Walking Dead aren't American. Howard said he doesn't know which ones they are. Robin said the sheriff, Rick, and the daughter of Hershel, are British.
Howard said he had a weird experience. He said he knows Ronnie watches The Walking Dead so they were leaving yesterday and he was talking to him about this character Shane on The Walking Dead. He said he didn't want to give anything away but he was talking about what a great actor he is. Howard said a group of people were passing by him and he saw a guy in a hoodie in the lobby there. Howard said he was talking to Ronnie about Shane and how good he is. Howard said he didn't know the guy's real name. Then this guy in the hoodie turns around and it's the guy who plays Shane (Jon Bernthal). He said he never talks about that stuff but the guy overheard him. Howard said it was very cool. He said the guy looks way younger in person. He said he looks like a little kid. He said he talked to the guy for a little bit. He said he thinks he was there doing Ralph's show GEEKTIME. Howard said it was so weird.
Gary said that guy is a superfan and he's been up there to visit a few times. He said he saw Howard but he didn't want to bother him. He said he was going to leave him alone but then he heard him talking about him and he had to talk to him.
Howard said he and Ronnie were talking about that and the guy says that he's his hero. Ronnie tells the guy that he's his hero. Howard said Ronnie thought he was talking to him. Ronnie said he was talking to him. He said the whole thing was very strange. He said they couldn't stop talking about it. Howard said it really was very strange because it was like he appeared magically.
Robin said she has a question. She asked what's going on with the zombie infection. Robin said last week they had those two officers lying there and there were no bites on it. Robin said that there were two officers who didn't have any bites on them but they died zombies. Howard said maybe they died some other way and became zombies. Howard said when you die you become a zombie. Robin said that all of the people who had become zombies had been bitten. Howard said anyone who dies is becoming a zombie. Robin said that it had to be a bite. Now they're saying that it's not just a bite. Howard said she's way more into it than he is. Robin said it's a real progression about how the zombies are becoming zombies.
Howard said that in The Walking Dead comics they have anyone who dies become a zombie. Robin said that's not what's been going on in the TV show. She said they've been talking about the changes with the zombies and how they're doing different things now. Robin said she sees this on ''The Talking Dead'' show that comes on after the show.
Robin mentioned that Howard has been watching 5 hours at a time of Breaking Bad lately. She said that's kind of crazy too. Howard said he downloaded a bunch of ''The Wire'' so he can watch that when he's out in Austin. He said he would like to download other stuff like Homeland but he can't get it from iTunes yet.
Ronnie told Howard to check out Sons of Anarchy and some other shows. Robin said he would like Damages too. Ronnie said Justified is good too. Robin said that's a good one too and told Howard about that. They told him to check out Game of Thrones too. Howard said Ralph said he wasn't able to get into it so he's not sure if he could. Gary and Robin told him to check it out. They mentioned that little person Peter Dinklage is in that show.
Howard asked Eric what's on his mind. Eric said that show has Katherine McPhee on it but he's still not going to watch it. Howard asked Eric if he watches Game of Thrones. Eric said he has not watched it yet. He said he has watched Justified. He said that is definitely a good show. Howard said he should try to get Eric on some of his favorite shows.
Howard said he wants to get him on Breaking Bad and be a meth freak. Howard asked if he would do that. Eric said he won't play a meth addict. Eric said Breaking Bad is in its final season this coming season. Robin said he's right. Robin said they announced it. Eric said they were talking about that in New Mexico. He said that the current governor isn't happy about producing shows in the state. He said she was trying to change things and she made it so they're going to move away from there. Howard said he's bored. Robin said she was too. Howard said he wanted to let him talk but he got bored.
Howard said that it's the way Eric speaks that makes it hard to follow. Howard said Eric has that vocal fry thing going on. Fred and Howard did their impressions of what it sounds like when he speaks. They were going back and forth goofing on him for a few minutes. Robin just laughed. Fred and Howard did the ''ee'' sound that they think Eric does and made it into music. Howard was cracking up.
Howard told Eric it's hard to hear him going on about the governor of New Mexico. Howard said maybe they're not being fair. He asked what he was trying to say about the governor. Eric said he had already said it. Howard said he may not have gotten it. Howard asked if the governor is against the portrayal of the drug thing. Eric said he thinks she's just against the whole movie making thing in the state. Eric said that she's made this reverse decision and they had already canceled the shows.
Howard asked Eric why he doesn't watch Game of Thrones. Eric said he doesn't watch everything with little people in it. Robin asked if he has HBO. Eric said he does. Howard said Eric seems to have a pretty good life. Howard said he's going to be in a hotel watching TV and Eric will be home watching TV all weekend. Howard said he might get to go to some nicer restaurants but that's about it.
Gary said that Game of Thrones won just about every major award so you'd think that he'd want to see it. Eric said he didn't catch the show when it ran for the first season because he didn't have HBO at the time.
Howard asked Eric what he had for dinner last night. Eric had pizza. Howard said he had a salad from a take out place. Eric wished Gary a happy birthday. He turns 51 today. Gary said Sal thought he was 53. Howard said he doesn't see Gary as a grown up. He sees him as that Boy Gary he hired at 23. Howard said he still thinks he doesn't know anything.
Howard said he's taking Gary down to Austin with him. Gary said he's going to see Bruce Springsteen down there. Howard said he heard that he did most of his new songs that night. Gary said that he did but they're good songs. Howard said he should do his hit songs.
Howard asked Gary who was at the concert. Gary ran down a bunch of celebrity names. Howard said that he doesn't get how that sells subscriptions. Gary said they say that they get a lot of celebrities to come. He said they got a lot of press for that and it'll be in the magazines. Gary said they did get a lot of press. Howard said he'd spend the money on billboards. Howard said he thinks the billboard is more effective. Howard said they sell radios to people who have cars. He said that's why he'd do the billboards. Howard asked if Tommy Hilfiger watching Bruce Springsteen is getting subscribers. Gary said he doesn't know. He said he's not sure if it's more effective than billboards.
Howard said Eric's phone is making noise. He didn't know why. Howard asked Gary where you reach people in their car. Gary said with billboards. Howard said that's wrong, it's with Tommy Hilfiger watching Bruce Springsteen doing a concert. Howard said he'd smack someone's head into the wall if they suggested a concert like that.
Howard asked Gary what he would do if he gave him 2 million bucks to take out billboards or hold a concert. Gary said he would do the billboards. He said that they swear to him it was nowhere near 2 million though. Howard said it had to be over a million. He said it has to cost more than that to set up a concert like that. Howard said that he figures it has to cost a lot to rent the Apollo and things like that. He said it had to be over $1. million. He said he looks at it as them spending the money they owe him.
Howard said he'd like to see the stock go up. He said he wants them to do the right thing and spend the money the right way. He said that they sold off 40 percent of the company and the guy has billions now. Gary said that he was going to buy stock at 5 cents but he wasn't sure if the company was going to be around the following Monday.
Howard said this is just his opinion and he's just a dope. He said he is a judge on America's Got Talent though... but what does he know? Howard said he knows Tim Sabean went to the concert. Gary said he was there.
Robin asked what they're doing about Clarence in the new band. Gary said they have a guy come out to do the solos. He said that Bruce did reference that Clarence isn't there. Gary said it's kind of weird he's not there but his nephew is really good. He said he thinks he's 23 but he looks 18. Gary said you want him to do well. He said you know he's in a tough spot.
Howard wondered if people root for Wolfgang Van Halen to do well. Gary said probably not because he grew up privileged. Howard said he replaced Michael Anthony. Howard said Michael had the nerve to side with Sammy Hagar and they kicked him out of the band. Howard said the Van Halen brothers freaked out about that and kicked him out of the band.
Howard said he bets Bruce likes playing with the younger guys. Max Weinberg's son sits in once in a while on drums. Howard said Taylor Hawkings in Foo Fighters is really good with the drums and he seems to be having a bromance with Dave Grohl. He said those two hang out but not with the rest of the band. Howard said Max Weinberg doesn't look rock and roll. Gary said when his son sits in the band seems a little more energized. Gary said he plays like Dave Grohl. Robin said that Bruce is the cool one in the band. No one else is as cool as he is.
Howard said that when you're on stage singing they must have stinky breath. Howard said that they get on the same mic and sing together and they must have bad breath.
Gary said that Clarence and Bruce used to do that and they would kiss after they sang. He said that always weirded him out. Howard said that is weird. Robin said she's seen Patti, Bruce and Steven on the mic together. Howard said the older he gets the older the bands are looking these days. Gary said that the Aerosmith guys appear to be wearing their scarves to cover up their turkey necks. Howard said he's going to end up with that too. He said he's getting up there in age too. Gary said Howard might look better because he didn't do all of the drugs that those guys did.
Howard said the sharing of the mic thing looks really weird. He said maybe they shared a mic in the old days because they couldn't afford it. He said now it's a ''thing'' they do. Gary said after seeing the 60 Minutes thing he thinks about how much they hate each other but they still share a mic.
Howard asked Eric if he had anything else to say. Eric asked if he could make a deal. Eric said he would like to go to the premiere of ''Mirror, Mirror.'' He said he would like to ask questions but he'd like Howard to help him raise his twitter followers up higher and also raise the number of apps he's sold. Howard didn't even know what ''Mirror, Mirror'' is. Howard asked why he wants to see it. Eric said that Marty Klebba is in it so he wants to see it. Howard asked Eric if he's ever banged a dwarf. Eric said he hasn't and Howard knows the girls he's been with. Howard said maybe he should try to find a dwarf. Howard asked if he's attracted to them. Eric said he's seen a couple that are attractive.
Howard said Eric wants to go ask questions on the red carpet but he won't ask their outrageous questions. Howard said Eric will say that he will ask the questions but he'll choke. He said he won't end up doing them and he'll ask his own questions that no one cares about. Eric asked Jason Hervey some questions once and Johnny told him he was a great interviewer. He said they don't even have the budget to do anything like this. Howard said they took away all of his money charging them for fixing equipment there.
Howard said that Gary should tweet out ''Buy Eric's App'' (EricTheActorApp.com) on twitter. Gary said he would do that. Eric said he got some good sales when they talked about it on the show. Howard said he really has to take a break now. He said that he isn't going for this deal. He said sending him to an event doesn't do them any good. Gary said they don't have any way to do this. Eric said that the listeners have been asking him over and over about The Viper Room. Howard said he'll talk to him next week about that. Eric thanked him for that. Howard said he's had enough of him. He said it's like he's his dad. He said he's always making deals. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked who was singing on this version. Fred said he'll have to check. Howard said he thinks it's Roger. He said that DePace said it was Gilmore though. Howard said that's a good song. Fred said Gilmore is a better singer.
Howard said he was thinking that if he was president he'd blow up every country but this one. He said we'd have no enemies. Howard said he doesn't think he'd be elected though. Howard said he's starting to be more open to other countries though. He said that he saw Switzerland on The Bachelor and thought it looked really nice. He said he gets to travel through TV. Howard said he's like a shut in.
Howard said he ran into Regis and his wife the other day. He said that his wife is bringing him to China for like a month. Howard said he looked miserable. Howard said he's bumming out evidentially.
Howard said he thinks we'd be fine if we blew up every other country. Robin said we may not have enough bombs to send to every other country. Howard said she might be right. Robin said that we're not the only ones with the bomb either. She said even if we got rid of everyone else we'd still have conflict there.
Robin told Howard that Rome tried to do that and look what happened to them. Howard said they didn't have nuclear weapons. Howard said if they were the only ones left they'd have it made. Howard said that the Chinese wouldn't compete with us anymore.
Howard mentioned that Santorum has been winning more states. Howard said he can't believe this. Howard said he's a fringe candidate though. Howard said Romney is a conservative who seems to be giving the wink about the whole abortion thing and stuff like that. Howard said that's why he's becoming more of a democrat. Howard said he doesn't like that whole abortion thing an all of that religious stuff. He said it's creepy. Howard said he used to think of himself as an independent. He said he thinks that Andrew Cuomo is a decent guy. He's cutting spending and he's also for gay marriage. Howard said he's very proud of him as their governor.
Howard said that SAG and AFTRA are merging and he was asked to vote but he just threw it out. Howard said that he's not sure why they have to merge. He said it does make a stronger union.
Howard said he would like to be like Andrew Cuomo if he was in office. Robin said that Howard doesn't want to say he's a democrat because there are some who go way too far. Howard said she's right. She also told Howard that he can't blow up the whole world. Howard said he would only keep America. Robin said that innovation comes from around the world. Howard said we'd be fine. Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred asked Howard to name 3 that he'd bomb. Robin said he's talking about bombing every place. Fred said that he's not with him. He said that if he just blew up the middle east then he might be with him. Howard said he would get rid of Mexico but he might keep Canada. Fred said that they have to worry about China but maybe not Russia.
Howard asked DePace if he's with him on this. DePace that's a little extreme. Robin said he should question himself after hearing that.
Howard had Lisa get to her news preview. Lisa said they ran into Will Ferrell and he told them that he got an email about what Howard said about him the other day. Howard said he loved that announcing he did. He said he's an amazing guy.
Lisa said that Ronnie has a problem with Howard TV. They're talking about how he's gained some weight and Ronnie is upset that they put it out there.
Lisa said they spoke to the head of this atheist group that's putting up billboards. He talked to them about what Howard said about atheists recently.
Lisa said they have a new Page 69 with Jason and Will coming up today. They say that Shuli has been banned from talking about Doug Goodstein and the baby clothes thing. Howard said that was crazy. Doug gave Shuli some clothes and then demanded them back. Howard said Doug is up to some weird stuff. He said he knows everything he's up to. Howard said Doug offered Shuli some baby clothes and he took it. Howard said it's weird when you want them back. Howard said they throw them out when they're no good anymore and they freak out. He said they stop talking to you. He said people are nuts with their baby stuff.
Howard asked if Doug is around. Doug was on the mic. Howard said that baby stuff was weird. Doug said if he says so then he must be right. Doug said it's over and done with. It was years ago. Howard asked Doug if he thinks it's nuts or is he still going with it. Doug said he said his piece two years ago.
Lisa said that they heard that Doug was getting threats over it so he stopped Shuli from talking about it. Doug said that's not true. Gary asked Doug if he ever went to Tim and asked him to squash future stories about it. Doug said there may be something about that. Howard said he thought Doug was a loose guy. He asked why he would do that. Doug said he got into some legal issues. He said it's best not to talk about it. He said it had nothing to do with him or Shuli. Doug said he can't discuss this. He said it got a little weird. Things happened. He said he can't talk about it. He said he can prove it though. He said that the postal police were involved. He said someone may have sent him something threatening. He said the person who sent it had left her name on the package on an old label. He said that it was easy to track.
Howard asked Lisa about her jeans because they were really tight. Lisa said she got them at Express. She said she used to have to shop in the boys department because they didn't make slim jeans that fit her. Howard asked how tall she is. She said she's 5'3'' tall. Howard asked if she's over 100 pounds. She said she's like 110. Howard said that's pretty substantial.
Lisa got in a plug for tonight's Superfan Roundtable. Howard was going to let her go but they ended up talking about jeans. Howard said he stopped buying them because they didn't fit him. He said John Varvatos helped him out with his jeans. He said he only wears them on America's Got Talent. He said they're black jeans. Howard said everything is accentuated in just the right spots.
Howard said no jeans fit him until he got the John Varvatos jeans. He said he's exhausted from the whole thing. Howard let Lisa go after that. Howard said that he is very happy with the John Varvatos stuff.
Howard played a clip of Elle Macpherson telling Howard he's being ''absolutely Jewish'' when he was asking her about the nude photo and worrying about her son seeing it. That's also when she said that it wouldn't' be surprising that he was traumatized seeing his mother naked if she looks like him.
Howard said she was being very nice to him and not really flirting like people thought she was. Howard said he did think that was kind of weird but he didn't get offended. Howard said he didn't want to throw her out of the studio or anything.
Howard said he's not sure why anyone would think he's Jewish. It's not like he looks Jewish. Howard laughed. So did Robin. Howard said it was like one of the kids in high school was making fun of him. Robin said it was kind of mean girl-ish. Howard said he got a lot of email about her. He was going to read it but he had to take a break first.
Howard came back and sang along to the song Fred was playing. Howard said there were a bunch of Little Mikey songs that came in about Robin. Howard said he's very busy. Howard said he had one that was a big production. He played the one where he did a parody of ''Time Of My Life'' about whacking off to Robin. Howard said he's sure Fred will be playing that one in heavy rotation. He played another Little Mikey song that was to the tune of a Bruce Springsteen song. He had another one that was to the tune of a Nirvana song. Howard played short clips of each of those songs. Howard said Mikey really loves Robin.
Howard said they have a new guy writing songs about Robin. His name is Martin Mezaros. Howard played one to the tune of a Led Zeppelin song. He sings about Robin's ass sweating so she doesn't need lube. Howard said he has so many songs. He played another Little Mikey song. He said he has a million more. He said it's ''dawesome... totally dawesome.'' Howard said not many women have 10 songs a day written about them. Robin said women are lucky to get just one.
Howard replayed the call that Sal and Richard made to a show using Bobo's crying voice mail clip. They called a show where the hosts pray for their callers. They had Bobo crying and cursing on their show.
Howard said if they were decent Christians they'd tell Bobo to go to a doctor instead of just praying for him. Howard said it's not going to work just praying. Howard said they're worried about him cursing after he says he might have cancer. Howard said that call is a great one on about 20 different level.
Howard said a couple of weeks ago he played a rap woman who sings about her pussy. Howard said it turns out there are a bunch of rappers who sing about their pussies. Howard said he got a link to a white rapper who tries to be funny. He said this one about the pussy that he played a couple of weeks ago was kind of musical. He said this new one he has isn't so musical. He said this one is about how tight her pussy is. Howard played some of that and said these chicks are gross.
Howard said he had a Pat Robertson clip where he tells someone not to go to their sister's wedding because she's gay. Howard said this woman who sits there with Pat is something else. Howard said Pat Robertson is a vile man and this is the worst advice you can give to someone. Howard played that clip and the woman reads an email they got about this wedding. Robertson said going to the wedding is basically saying that you bless this union. Howard said it's actually supporting your sister. Pat says it's in the bible that you shouldn't do that. Howard said what he really wants to say is that she should do is go to the wedding and stone her.
Howard asked why this guy is so worried about what other people do. Howard played more of the clip and let Robertson drone on and on about this nonsense. Robertson says that you have to stand up for this and break the union with this person. Howard said this guy is such a dick. He said he really hates that guy. He said he's the worst human being. He said there are so many dummies that watch that show too. He said they keep giving him money to keep it going. He said it's crazy.
Howard played an edited clip of Robertson talking about how he stuck his cock in a glory hole and got jerked off. They had him saying that he stuck his dick in a sheep and fucked him good with the help of God. Howard said you can only wish he would say something like that for real. He had another edited clip that he played and then said that those clips are not real for anyone who thought they were. Robin asked who would be fooled by that. Howard said someone like Wendy the Retard might be fooled.
Robin said that Bill Maher had Nancy Pilosi's daughter on his show and she went to Mississippi and interviewed some people there. Robin said they vote republican there so she asked them why and they were spouting a bunch of this stuff. Robin said it was amazing to see. She said that they're standing in front of shacks and stuff. Robin said that they point out that the policies haven't worked for them yet but they still say ''they could!'' Robin said that they don't even realize that they want to take away their food stamps.
Howard said he has another clip of Robertson talking about how the tornados could have been stopped if people had prayed. Howard said he can't play this stuff. He said he gets too aggravated over this stuff.
Howard played some of Macy Gray's album (Covered) and said that's what he was listening to. He played her cover of Radiohead's ''Creep.'' Howard said he was sitting there looking at his dog and thinking about how he didn't want her to be uncomfortable and die. Howard said Beth was off working on her show and he was alone in the apartment. Howard said he hugged his dog and said he doesn't want to ever have to put her to sleep. He said that's when he tweeted that out. Then someone writes back ''You faggot, shut the fuck up...'' Howard said people were calling him a fucking douche and telling him to listen to metal. Howard said they tell him to stop talking about AGT and to shut the fuck up. Howard said he's never going to break down and share anything emotional again. He said he thought it was social media but it turns out it's just creepy media.
Howard played another track off of Macy's new album. He played her cover of the Metallica song ''Nothing Else Matters.'' He played a cover of ''Here comes The Rain Again'' and said they will try to book her for the show to play something live.
Howard said that AshleyMadison.com is sponsoring the contest. He and Robin talked about how crazy their commercials have gotten lately. They talked about how they sing weird songs about cheating on their spouses and things like that. Gary said the one thing that gets him is that they say you should do it for your family. He said there's another one where there's a woman in the background just nagging a guy. Robin said she hasn't heard that one yet. Gary said he'd pull the clips so they can hear them.
Howard said that they had a commercial for a strip you put on your penis to make it taste better. He said that was crazy but this stuff is pretty crazy too.
Howard said that is a little weird. He said that's the way you pose with your husband. Robin said it is kind of intimate. Howard asked why the fuck she's doing that. Howard said he's going to say something to her about it. King told Howard not to let her talk him out of it either. Howard said he's not the jealous type. King said he should be in this situation. Howard said maybe he'll have King talk to her. Howard said he's going to take a picture with a hot chick with his hand up her dress or something. Gary asked why he's going to let this guy ruin his relationship. Howard said this is a weird thing to him.
Howard said Gary is an idiot. Gary said King is just causing trouble. Howard said King didn't do anything. He just pointed out a picture. Gary said he thinks it's funny that King sits and looks at everything Howard ever day.
Howard said Beth wouldn't pose with Ronnie like that. King said no. He said no human would. Howard said he should get Beth on the phone. He's going to get her on and keep King on. Howard said that picture is kind of intimate. King said that the guy tweeted that picture. Howard said he can't understand what King is saying. He said he must have AT&T. King said it's actually Sprint.
Howard asked Benjy what he thinks. Benjy said the guy is holding his arm out and it looks like he took the picture himself so she had to lean in. Howard said he thinks King has a point and he doesn't usually agree with him. King said she didn't have to put her arm on his waist. King said he can see that. Howard said he's right. Robin asked what they're talking about. She said you can't see any arm on the waist.
Gary got Beth on the phone so Howard got her on. Howard told her that the picture is kind of intimate and he wondered what's up with that. Beth said that he was taking it himself and it was like the 10th one he took. Howard said she wouldn't take one like that with Ronnie or Gary. Beth said she would too. King told Howard not to let her get away with that. Howard said even Robin was saying that it was a little intimate. King said that some women have to prove that the man isn't the center of the universe. He said she doesn't have to do that because he is the center.
Robin said that she is cheek to cheek. Howard said he's her husband and she shouldn't be doing that. Howard said he knows the guys get off on doing that. Beth said she understands. She said she can see where he's coming from. Beth said they spend 12-15 hours a day on the show together. King was cutting her off saying ''Nah, nah, nah...''
Beth said she'll never tweet another picture like that. King said that he was the one who tweeted it. Beth said that the guy is an incredibly hot guy and that's what sucks for him. King said he's not that good looking. He said that this is a perfect thing for that guy. He said that if he wasn't in a relationship then it would be even worse. He said that he can still sneak out once in a while. He said this is disrespectful to Howard and if he doesn't stop it now then it's going to continue. Howard said at some point he does have to say something. He said it didn't bother him until King started working on him. He said King might be making some points.
Gary said he's getting mad now. He said that Howard is letting this guy create trouble where trouble doesn't exist. Gary said they don't have a problem. He said that King is just creating trouble. King was yelling but no one could understand what he was saying. King said Howard shouldn't trust anyone. Howard said he does trust Beth. Howard said he is getting to him though.
Robin said that this is an overreaction and someone else seeing that picture might have the impression that she's really affectionate with guys. Gary said that no one is going to have a universal reaction to anything. Howard asked where Beth was. Gary said she must have hung up. King asked why she would hang up. Howard said she doesn't want to talk to King. That's why. Howard said he took over the conversation. Howard said Beth will talk to him. Howard told King to hang up or he'll ruin his relationship. Howard let him go a short time later.
Gary said he doesn't get that out of that picture so he bums out. Howard said he's really not upset. Then Robin said it was too intimate. Gary said that Jason was going to tweet out something about having Beth on the phone over a photo that was too intimate but he didn't send it out.
Howard told Gary to get Beth back on the phone. He said he feels weird about this whole thing. Gary went back to get her on the line.
Gary came in and said that Beth isn't happy. Howard said this is going to turn around on him now. Howard said that fucking King of all Blacks. Gary said that's why he called him an idiot. He said he's really pissed. Howard said he is too. He said he's not even sure why. Gary said he's bummed that Beth is upset over what someone else was saying. He said she's very upset. Gary said that she didn't want to be yelled at by some guy. Howard said it's really no big deal. He said he trusts his wife. Gary said he may want to take a break and call her. Howard said ''Uh oh...'' Howard said that Gary has been married a long time so maybe he knows. Fred played a Baba Booey song parody and then they went to break.
Howard came back and talked about how beautiful that song is. He let it play for a little bit. Howard said he loves it and he'd love to see him in concert. He doesn't want him doing any of his new bullshit though. He said he hates when these old artists try to be relevant with their new songs. He said that this song is better than anything that's out now and it's still relevant. Howard said if he put together a band he'd sing like this.
Howard said King of All Blacks is back. He said he put him in a difficult position. King said that what he does has nothing to do with what she did. King said they have to think about this for a second. Howard said he doesn't want him riling him up. King asked why Howard is the bad guy. Howard said he's not the bad guy. He said he really doesn't have a problem with Beth posing in a picture with a guy. He said he has a good marriage. King said that he has a perfect marriage but it's perfect because Howard sets certain barriers. Howard said he doesn't go to strip clubs and stuff.
Howard said Beth isn't up to anything bad. King said he doesn't know that. Howard said he doesn't want to get into this. Robin said even if she didn't pose for the picture she could still be up to something. King said if he had a booger in his nose and didn't tell him then he'd be a bad guy. Gary said that this is an opinion. A booger isn't an opinion. King said that the guy is going to say ''what the fuck is wrong with Howard'' if Beth tells him about this. Howard thanked King for telling him there's a booger in his hose. King told him not to let her off the hook.
Gary asked King if he's ever struck his wife. King said back in the day... Gary told Howard this is who he's taking advice from. Howard said King is very intelligent. He said he made his point. King said he doesn't want him to let her off the hook. Howard said he's going to hold it against her the rest of her life.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him to listen to John Lennon's ''Jealous Guy'' song. He said this is the mentality that black guys and some white men have. He said that if their woman looks at another guy they think she's a whore and a cunt. Howard said Beth knows he's not like that. He said he's not the Taliban with his wife. He said if she didn't love him then she'd tell him and get out. Howard said he has no problem.
The caller said that King is trying to cause problems and he can't clamp down on his wife. Howard said he can't handle anything else in his life right now.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that it's not really King's fault. He said King didn't do anything but tell Howard. He said it's the photo that's the problem. He said everyone sets boundaries and Howard getting upset shows that she went over the boundary. Howard said he's not upset. He said that he really wasn't upset. The caller said he did say that Robin had a point when she said it was kind of intimate. The caller said that Howard cant smack her around obviously. He said that what he should do is say that his self esteem is down and he needs Whitney Cummings to come over and have dinner and a threesome. Howard said he can use it as a weapon. Howard said he's not above doing that. Howard said maybe he'll have Whitney and Elle Macpherson come over so all four of them can get something going.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has a beautiful wife and he has women in the studio all the time. He said that if she didn't like that then she'd say something to him. The caller said Howard would get a lot of heat from the audience if he stopped doing that stuff.
Another caller said this is the most compelling radio in a long time. He said it gives an insight into his relationship and that's why they love him. He said he's sorry that Beth is hurt and he knows they work it out. He said they do care about this and he just wanted Howard to know that.
Howard said he's glad he's making some good radio. He said he was having a perfectly great day before that. Howard said he tried calling Beth but he was unable to get a hold of her. Howard said she may have been going from the apartment to the car. He hopes that's what was going on anyway.
Howard said he doesn't want to upset anyone. He said he's a happy go lucky guy. He said they're just having fun there. Robin said sometimes it's just the two of them who are having fun. Howard said he can't tell you how fun it is to get up at 4 in the morning to have fun.
Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show. They talked about Howard's depression, Eric the Actor's call and how his life isn't much different than Howard's. Howard said Eric can't run, that's about the only difference.
Howard said Sal stated calling Elle ''Ellie'' on the Wrap Up Show yesterday so that's where they got that from. He played a clip of Sal calling her ''Ellie'' over and over again. Robin got a laugh out of that. Jon said he says it in the next clip too. Howard played another one where Gary had him say it again.
Howard said he still can't understand how he got that wrong. Howard said Sal is a trip. Jon said he's the best. Robin said she liked how he was trying to correct the last name instead of the first.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric who asked if they should dress up when they come to America's Got Talent. Howard said they can wear what they want. He said he can dress up if he wants. Eric said he'll rent a tux. Howard said he weighs 360 pounds. He said he's almost 400 pounds. Howard said they should film that. Howard said someone has to wear that tux after Eric if he rents one. Howard asked how that business works. Robin said they have a store full of tuxedos and they measure you and pull something off the rack for you. She said that they're made to be adjusted. Howard said he does want to see the reaction on the tailor's face when he gets his tux.
Howard had Robin start her news. Robin said that George Clooney just got back from the Sudan. Howard said that's his bro. Robin said he did an interview with the Today show today and he'll be testifying in front of congress about what's going on in Sudan. Robin had some audio of Clooney talking about Sudan and what the problem is over there. Howard wondered why he would want to go over there with so much stuff going on. Howard said that guy has the life and he'd be home with Stacy Keibler if he was George.
Robin asked Howard if he's heard about this Kony 2012 video. Howard said he did and he watched about 5 seconds of it before he got bored. Robin said he has to see the whole thing. Robin said this Kony guy is a rebel who grabs kids and turns them into soldiers. He has the kids kill their parents and things like that. Robin told Howard about why this video came out and how they're trying to stop this guy. Howard said he's behind getting rid of the guy but he's not going to watch the video. Howard said he thought it was an action film but that's not what it turned out to be.
Robin read about Rihanna's fans making Chris Brown's current girlfriend feel unsafe. Robin said the girlfriend doesn't want to leave the house without security. Howard asked who this girl is afraid of. Robin said Chris Brown's girlfriend is afraid of Rihanna's fans. Howard said she should be afraid of Chris Brown. Howard said he's not a guy with a good track record. Robin said some fans were threatening this girl and that's why she's afraid of them.
Howard read about the top music money makers of 2012. He said that Rod Stewart and Usher were at the top. Gary said they were out of order. Taylor Swift was actually up at the top. Howard said Sade was number 6. He asked how she made $16 million. Robin said she did a tour last year. Howard asked if she's selling out arenas. Robin said she does. Howard said that Taylor Swift, U2, Kenny Chesney, Lady Gaga, Lil Wayne and others were up at the top of that list. Gary said Journey is number 12. Bob Seger is number 19. Howard asked if he's on tour. Gary said he must be. He said that the Beatles are at number 24 because they released their music on iTunes.
Howard had Fred play some of Sade's music. Howard said he could sing like that. He said that's the kind of band he could sing in. Howard said he could do this no problem. Howard asked Fred for an instrumental thing he could sing along to. Fred said he'd find something. Howard said all he has to do is sing a bunch of nonsense. Robin said she sings about stuff that's not nonsense. Howard said he's pretty sure he can come up with something. Howard ended up singing about ''Blueberry Muffin'' to the tune of ''Smooth Operator.'' Then he sang about Elle Macpherson liking blueberry muffin. Howard changed it to ''Ellie'' for Sal.
Robin read about the primaries that were held yesterday. Robin said that Mitt Romney came in 3rd in Alabama and Tennessee. Robin said that she's starting to think that he's a loser. Robin said it's not looking good. Howard said it's a nasty, ugly thing going on there. Howard said they seem to hate Romney. Robin said that they're saying there is no end in sight for the republican race.
Howard asked DePace what he thinks. DePace said he'll take any of them to beat Obama. Scott said he thinks that it'll come down to a contested thing. He said he doesn't think that he'll get the votes he needs before the convention. Howard ended up singing a song about the whole thing to the tune of that Sade song. Robin said that was better than ''Blueberry Muffin.'' She said she likes that political song.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that picture of Beth was very innocent. Howard said he thought it was funny that King was doing that and somewhere along the line it didn't go well. Mariann said Beth should have a thick skin and she should know she needs that. Mariann said she can't wait for her new show. Mariann asked if she has a voice fry too. Howard hung up on her.
Robin had audio of Rick Santorum talking about his win yesterday. Robin had some audio of Gingrich talking about how he's counting delegates and not wins. Howard asked what his game is. Robin said he must want to broker some power. Howard said he thinks all of this is doing a disservice to the party. Robin had another clip of Gingrich talking about Romney's statement about him being the inevitable nominee is blown out of the water now. Robin said that Newt Gingrich's daughters were on the trail too. She had some audio of one of them talking about her father.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if anyone is getting Gary monkey Midol. Howard didn't know how to answer that. The caller went into an explanation but Howard just hung up on the guy. He did a live commercial and went to break a short time later.
After the break, around 9:40am, Howard came back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin got back to her primary news and had some more Mitt Romney news. Robin said he did win a couple of the primaries. Robin said he kept the conversation off of Alabama and Tennessee. She had some tape of him talking about Afghanistan.
Robin read about how some homeless people are being used as mobile hot spots. Robin said that they have a homeless hot spots project going on in Austin, Texas right now. Robin said they hold a gadget that has 4G WiFi and they get a $20 stipend to hold it. Howard asked if he has to stand near the homeless to use it. He said he can just imagine what that would be like. He did an impression of the guy Robin had audio of. Howard said he doesn't know what the guy has. He said he might get Tuberculosis or something from him. Howard said he likes seeing homeless getting work but this is crazy. Howard said he's all for homeless getting work but that sounds tricky. Howard said it sounds like we might be killing them off by giving them cancer with those things. Robin said she has a mobile hot spot that she carries around. Howard said that she's talking about something different. He said that the homeless have WiFi, not 4G. Howard said he should turn Ronnie into a hot spot. He said he's always around him. Howard said his homeless guy has an electrical outlet plugged into his ass. Howard said he keeps him around as a coffee machine.
Robin said that there is a laundry detergent on lock down. People have been stealing it so some stores are locking it down. Robin said that the sales can be linked to drugs. Robin said they steal it and give it to drug dealers for drugs and then the drug dealer sells it to crooked store owners. Howard said if you're that good at coming up with a plan then you could have a real job. Robin said she's not sure why Tide is the popular one. She said that's the one they're stealing though.
Howard took a call from a guy, Voodoo, who said he wants to be a judge on Triple X Factor. He's the guy who did the sex skydive. He said he thinks he'd be a good judge. Howard said he thinks they can handle it themselves. Howard asked him what his best selling movies are. He said ''New Wave Hookers 6'' and ''Stop! My Ass is on Fire 5'' are just a couple. Howard asked how big his cock is. He said it's about 11 inches. Howard said maybe they can turn that into a hot spot. Howard asked if he has a regular sex life. Voodoo said that it's very complicated. He said he had a girl who wanted the whole porn star experience but it didn't last. Howard asked if he ever worries about his future. Voodoo said he's the highest paid porn star out there. He said he makes $1,500 per scene. He said he has become a valuable commodity. He said he works almost every day too. He does just one scene a day now that he's 34. He said he used to do more than one. Voodoo said he does pretty good with the money.
Howard said that he must be able to make about 300 a year. Voodoo said he can make about 200. Robin asked about the condom law and how that's going to change things. Howard said you'd think they'd want to use condoms. Voodoo said that's what the testing is for. He said they're tested every 15-30 days. He said it's better to do it without the condoms because it causes less problems as long as they're tested.
Howard asked Voodoo how much of his penis he can get into a woman. He said some women he can get the whole thing in. He said that there are others that can only take a few inches. He said there are some women that can take the whole 11 down their throat too.
Howard asked if he had a big penis when he was a kid. Voodoo said his father had a huge cock and he thought his was small next to that. He said that he's about 6-7 inches flaccid. He said he used to ride the bus with catholic school girls so he would get painful erections and he had to wear baggy pants to cover it up. Voodoo said that the first girl he was with was screaming in pain. Howard said he's never had that problem.
Howard said Voodoo is the guy who did that sex video skydiving. Howard said he doesn't think they need him to judge. Voodoo said he's cool with that. He said he just wanted to talk to Howard. He said he was kind of upset with Howard not getting upset with King of All Blacks over the whole thing earlier. Voodoo said that King was over reacting to the whole thing. Robin said they are talking to a porn star so they have two ends of the spectrum there.
Howard let Voodoo go and took another call. The caller said he feels bad for Howard about the whole picture thing. He said he thinks that Beth is going to be pissed at him. He said that he may have created something that wasn't really there. Howard said he just wanted to know what Beth thought about the whole thing. He said he's really not bothered by it. He said the only thing he is bothered by is the fact that his wife is upset.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that you do have to be close to those homeless guys to get the hot spot to work. Howard said he's not going to do that. Howard did his homeless guy impression again. Howard said he'll take his chances without the hot spot. Howard let Ralph go after doing a little more of his homeless guy impression.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a doctor who said that a lot of basketball players get a vasectomy around the time that the season is starting. She had audio of the doctor talking about how it's good because they can sit around and watch TV while they're healing.
Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about China and their unfair trade of rare earth materials.
Ralph called back and Howard said that's his OCD. He said he has to call in more than once. Howard said Ralph is all stressed out when he gives him extra work to do. Ralph said that's not it. Howard said he has all kinds of problems. Howard said he has vocal fry too. Ralph asked what that is. Howard told him not to worry about it. Ralph said he just wanted to let him know that Jon Bernthal, the guy from The Walking Dead, is going to be on GEEKTIME this week.
Robin read a story about a woman who felt she was being followed while she was on the phone. Her friend called the police when she heard about her being followed. Robin had some audio of the friend calling but it was very hard to hear. Howard said it's always horrible quality. Robin said the girl was able to grab on to a fence post and was able to escape the abduction.
Howard said it's very weird out there. He said there are a lot of nut jobs. He said women should be very afraid. Especially of dudes.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he tried that Mask stuff that Howard was talking about yesterday. He said that it looks like those Listerine strips and you put them in your mouth. He said that his wife puts it in her mouth and blows him. He said that he brought it up and tried it with her. Howard said the guy is lucky that he doesn't have to shower now. The guy told Howard how they work and said they last for about 15 minutes.
Robin had some audio of a call to 9-1-1 when a flight attendant freaked out and said the plane was going to crash. Howard said he has the audio of the flight attendant screaming. Howard said this was taped by someone on the plane. He played the audio and the flight attendant was screaming like a baby. Robin said it sounds like Wendy the Retard got a job as a flight attendant. Fred played some audio of Wendy that sounded just like the flight attendant. Robin said they say that the woman may have forgotten to take her medication for bipolar disorder. Robin said they're going to be doing an investigation to find out more.
Howard took a call from Little Mikey who said he did a jingle for WhatsYourPrice.com. Howard hadn't heard it. Howard said he'd like to hear it. Fred said Scott is going to get it for them. Howard let Mikey go a short time later.
Robin read about a child who saved his grandfather's life when he called 9-1-1. Robin had the audio of the kid making the call. He was only 6 years old. Robin said that the man was taken to the hospital and they found he had a seizure. Howard said that no one taught him how to do anything as a child. Howard said this 6 year old knew how to call 9-1-1. Howard said his parents were too busy worrying about themselves. Howard said he didn't know his own address or his own phone number.
Robin had some audio of Simon Cowell talking about the new season of X Factor and what contestants can do to try and win.
Robin said that Jessica Simpson made her debut on Fashion Star last night. Robin said some of the contestants weren't happy about her being their mentor on the show. Robin had some audio from the show.
Robin read about Courtney Love not being happy with the Muppets take on her husband's ''Smells Like Teen Spirit'' song. Howard had some audio of that. He said it must be great to hear the Muppets mangle a good song. Robin said that Courtney described it as being like rape. Howard said he agrees with her. Howard said he'd love to see her take the Muppets to court. He said that would be good. It could be Courtney vs. Gonzo. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am. Howard said they'll be back on Tuesday.
Jon said that today's Gary's birthday. He turns 51 today. Gary said that after 50 it's just a countdown to 60. He said after 60 it's a countdown to how many more you can squeak out. Gary said today was just another day at the office. He said that he figured Howard would mention it today but someone else brought it up first.
Jon said Howard also mentioned that he still sees Gary as a little boy. Gary said the good thing is that it's all relative. He said that Howard will call to pick his brain at times. He said Howard never calls Gange.
Jason asked Gary if he looks at him like Howard looks at him. Gary said he sees two different people who started with him. He said that they have gotten older.
Jon said that Howard ran into Shane from the Walking Dead and Ronnie was his hero. Gary said he met JD in the back and he realized that the JD thing is real. Jason said he thinks that JD is perfect in every way. Gary said they're not goofing on him. They're just saying it the way it is.
Jon said that the Doug and Shuli thing came up today and that's thanks to Jason and Will. Jason said he's glad that Gary asked Doug about the Tim thing. He said it could have been dropped. Gary said he asked Doug if he went to Tim and Doug said it may have happened. That changed everything. Jon said that changed the way Howard thinks about Doug when that whole baby clothes thing happened.
Gary didn't remember what happened with that. Jason said that Doug had given Shuli the clothes and a baby seat for the car and when Doug saw that he wasn't using his baby seat, he asked for everything back. He said Shuli returned it all to him.
Gary said once you give stuff away it's given away. Jason said that when you have second hand crap you keep it or throw it away. Jon said he gets that. He said he knows that it happened a long time ago but today it was relevant because Doug had squashed the story. He said that it turned out to be true.
Jason said that the Page 69 thing is gossip and he did check into it before he ran with the story. He said the whole point is to get it on Howard's show so they can talk about it.
Shuli was in and said he thinks that Doug was wrong through the whole thing but he's not bitter or holding a grudge. Shuli said that they were doing parodies about the whole story at the time. He said that they got all of that taken away from them when Doug went to Tim. He said it was good content and they had it yanked off the show. Jason said it was water under the bridge but then Doug asked for the water back.
Jon said that Sal gets some nasty feedback too. Sal said he's gotten some brutal ones. He said people always comment about his wife. He said after a while it's just lame. He said it's the same joke all the time. He said that some are hilarious but some are just lame. Jason said he gets a lot of fat jokes and if they're funny then he likes it. There are others where they just tell him he's a fat fuck and he should die.
Jon asked what Howard expected putting up that note. Gary said that he just got that first wave of really bad replies. He said not everyone on Twitter is like that.
Gary said he gets weird emails because today is his birthday. He said there is no privacy anymore. He said that a lot of it is just fake stuff. Jason said that he will just retweet someone's happy birthday. He said that he will just say ''me too.'' Sal said he copies and pastes ''Happy birthday Gary.'' Jason said that they really don't mean anything at the end of the day.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's calling bullshit on Sal not knowing how to say Elle Macpherson. He said that she's been around for 30 years with that name. Gary said he swears to him that there was no comedy in Sal about that at all. He said Sal looked genuinely surprised when he corrected him. Sal said that it's not that crazy to think that it sounds like Ellie.
Jason asked Sal if he would think someone was stupid for saying ''Belly'' when they saw the word ''Belle.'' Sal said yes but not for Elle. Sal said that Elle really wasn't on his radar as he was growing up. Gary said she's like one of the top 5 models out there. Sal said she wasn't on his radar.
Jason said that they've been discussing her for the past week and he still didn't know. Sal said he's very busy. He said he thinks that they're putting him under a microscope and scrutinizing every little thing. He said that it's not that big of a deal. He said everyone fucks up. Sal asked what the name of the Foo Fighters drummer is. Gary didn't know. Sal said Howard screwed up and said ''Taylor Hawks'' today. He said even Howard screws up. Jason said Howard would admit to being wrong. Sal said he admits he's wrong but he's not as wrong as Howard.
Jon said Sal came up to him and said that he knew it was Elle. Jon said he did not and Sal said ''Jeez, I can't even pull that off.
Sal said that if he read ''Phone'' off a book he might say ''Pa-ha-hone.'' Jon asked how he would say Vogue. Sal said that he knows that one. Then he realized that there's that magazine Elle. He said he knows what Robin was saying and he knows how to say Elle magazine. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon said that Doug loves everything for the show so going to Tim and asking him to stop it must have been conflicting. Doug said he did talk to Tim about it and they decided to let it die. He said things just got too real and too removed from Shuli vs. him yelling at each other.
Shuli said the way it was presented to him is that it was his fault that this stuff was going on. Shuli said they had a meeting in Tim's office and they were talking about it and he had nothing to do with it. He said it wasn't his fault that people were pissed at Doug. Doug said it's a good point. Shuli said it wasn't that day.
Doug said on the air it's one thing but it calms down off the air. He said that things have been cool for the past 2 years. He said they still have that weird thing there but he still likes Shuli. He said he had a lot of anger back then but he's okay now.
Shuli said it all seemed to come down against Doug. Doug said it wasn't all against him. Shuli said that the people mailing in clothes was all put on him. He said the fans mailed it to Doug and that's what the caller was talking about. Shuli said he asked people to stop sending the clothes even though he didn't start it.
Jon said that Shuli and Doug went at it pretty hard back in 2009 but they're cool now. Jon said that this stuff can carry over for years though. Jon said it has to be uncomfortable around the office. Doug said he's been mad at just about everyone in this room except for Benjy. He said he was really angry with Shuli back then. Shuli said he had to shlep all of that crap back in there so he was angry too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's given clothes to people and never expected them back. The guy also said that he knew Elle Macpherson's name but you don't really think about her that much. Jon said he knew her name though. The caller said it correctly. Sal said he knew it from the show. Sal said he just said she's not that big in the spectrum of super models out there. Gary said he thinks she falls right in there. Sal was still talking about the magazine Elle and how he didn't know that's what Robin was talking about. He said he thought she was talking about Elle Macpherson being in magazines being interviewed. Jon said they have to take another break.
Jon took a call from a guy who wished Gary a happy birthday. He also said he's going to go see Howard at AGT on Sunday. He said his girlfriend is 5'1'' with D-cups and she's going to be showing those off. He also asked Sal how he can say Elle's name wrong. Sal said he has no explanation and he's just not in tune with the whole industry. Jon asked Sal if he thought he had her last name wrong. Sal said he doesn't know. He said he still doesn't think Ellie is a huge jump from Elle.
Jon asked Gary about going to Austin and if he's ready for that. Gary said he is. He said he knows when they're leaving and he will get there early. Gary said Howard is always early so he's going to be ready for that. Gary said when they went to Florida for Bubba's wedding and Benjy was like a minute late. He said Howard freaked out and he was ready to leave. He said Howard shouldn't have to wait around.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they have South By South West going on in Austin right now. He said that it's really crazy down there. He said that Howard is going to hate it. He said it won't be that leisure weekend they think it will be. Gary said that's what he's been hearing. He said they have all kinds of things going on down there this week. Jon asked Gary how he's going to play it. Gary said he's spending a couple of days with his brother and then go see the shows taping.
Jon asked Gary what he wants to see out there. Gary said he's looking forward to seeing how the show works. He said it sounds like a lot of fun.
Jon congratulated Sal on their new call that Howard played today. Sal said he and Richard are very pleased with their calls that they've gotten played lately. They had to wrap up and end the show at 11:00am.
In this clip we heard Howard taking a call from Jessica Hahn who was on to promote a Playboy video. Howard said he watched the video but he's not going to talk about it on the air anymore. Howard said he heard she calls there crying every time he talks about it. Jessica said she wasn't upset about that. Howard said that's what Gary said. Gary came in and said that she was mad at Robin and Jackie. Jessica said she was upset about something Jackie said as a joke.
Howard said he found another great rap from Jessica's tape. He told Gary where it is. Gary said they pulled all of it. Jessica wasn't sure which one that was. She said it might be about being happy. Gary said Scott says they pulled every single thing she said. Howard said she was on a carousel and it was going really fast.
Howard played a clip but it wasn't the one he was looking for. Howard said Gary was just sitting there with a dopey look on his face. Howard said he thought he could pull the rap he wanted. He said he didn't know what he pulled. Gary said Howard said he wanted every thing she said. Howard asked if they leadered the tape or pulled individual clips. He said he can't just go through a huge tape.
Gary told Howard said he would find the scene if he told him where it was. Howard said he had just said it. It's the second to last scene. Gary said he was just waiting for orders. Howard said Gary must have been on the carousel. He's all confused from spinning around.
Howard asked Gary to put the clips on carts and label them. Howard said he can't find anything on his own. Howard said he's the stupidest guy he knows. He said he never does anything right.
Howard said Gary gives him a giant reel of tape. He said it's not even leadered so he can't tell what's second to last. He did an impression of Gary explaining himself. He said he just stands there staring at him with his huge lips.
Howard said today is the last day for Butt Bongo Fiesta. Jessica said she ordered 5 more copies for herself. Howard said they have a limited supply of these things. He said they've had other tapes selling for huge numbers. He said that they have some great stuff on this tape too.
Howard said Jessica did some modeling for him in her dressing room. Jessica said she had a huge trunk of clothes with her and if she had known what Howard was going to have her wear she wouldn't need the trunk. She could have just put this outfit in her purse. She was basically nude.
Stuttering John came in and asked where the scene is because Gary isn't able to find it. Jessica gave a detailed description of it so they could try and find the video and then pull the audio.
Howard said it's too late now anyway. He said he had to hang up. Jessica told Howard that everyone should get the Butt Bongo Fiesta tape. She said it really is good. Howard gave some plugs for that and talked about some of the stuff she did in the video.
Howard said Jessica was stroking the elephant's trunk. She said he tried to sit or something. Howard said he did try to sit. Howard said Jessica was so frightened that she was grabbing him. Howard thanked Jessica for calling in and let her go a short time later. Jessica kept him on the line trying to get him to say ''Love you'' back to her. Howard did that and then let her go.
Howard said that Baba Booey is something else. He said he told him where that scene was. Robin was doing her impression of him. Gary came in and said they're two idiots. He said that he did what Howard told him to do the other day. Howard said he needs it leadered so he can find the different scenes. Gary said Howard expects them to do things and read his mind. Howard said he never said he wanted it all in a row. He said Gary always has an excuse. He said he never listens to him.
Howard said if he was the producer of the show he'd handle things a completely different way. Gary said he's not sure what he wants when he wants it. Howard said Gary should just go organize. That's what he's supposed to do.
Howard cut Gary's mic so Gary said he's leaving. Howard said that's a great way to handle things. Howard and Jackie goofed on Gary for a short time after he left. Howard said he sees he has to take a break now. He asked who is coming in for the big party today. Gary said Fred the Elephant Boy and Tempest are coming in. He said everyone else is gone.
Howard said Gary obviously spent 3 minutes on the phone with this. Gary said they were turned down by some people. He said that the producer of the tape wasn't able to come in. He said a lot of people just weren't able to make it with such short notice. Gary said Howard is acting like a jerk with him today. Howard told him to get out of the room now. Gary said he's on his way. He left and Howard wrapped up.
In the clip Howard was reading about and old intern, Liz, who was doing very well for herself working at a news station. Howard said all of their interns have outdone Gary at this point. Howard talked about Donna Fiducia too. Howard asked if he ever made her cry on the air. Robin said he did. Howard asked what he did. Robin said it was something about her husband. She said that Howard was attacking her and her husband. Howard asked if they have tape of that.
Gary came in and said that Howard definitely made Donna cry more than once. Howard didn't remember doing it. Gary said Howard had edited her to say that she was a DB (Douche Bag) but Howard wasn't able to say it on the air there at K-Rock. Howard said he can't say scum-blank or douche-blank. Howard said he's not sure why he can't do that. It doesn't make sense. Howard said he gets tired of words and stops using them so he's not sure why he can't use these.
Gary said that was the one thing that upset Donna. Howard said that was funny though. Gary said he hit her with a sensitive subject about her husband and she got really upset about that. Howard said he doesn't remember any of this. Robin said that's because he's heartless.
Gary told Howard about making someone else cry and he didn't remember that either. Howard said he never made Judy DeAngelis cry. Gary said he said something about her father dying. Howard asked what happened. Gary said he doesn't remember the whole story. Robin said they were talking about her tough life as an orphan and they brought up her father. She said Howard told her to get over it already and that made her break down.
Gary said Howard made Roz cry too. He said she used to clear her throat before going on the air and they played ''Celebrity Phlegm'' and they would play the clips whenever she'd call in. Howard said that they made her out to be the bigger star at NBC. Howard said he had to kiss her ass every day but then he got huge ratings and he stopped treating her like she was a big star. He said that's when they started playing the phlegm clips. Robin said Howard got under Roz's skin with a lot of things. She said that Roz would go screaming to the boss and he eventually wasn't able to say anything but ''hello'' to Roz. Howard said they were slow to get the traffic for him on the show. He said that they made it out to be like the traffic was the important thing on the station when it was actually his show.
Howard once joked about Roz having eye cheese. Howard said he made a joke about that in an interview and she freaked out about that. Howard said he didn't know she was having a nervous breakdown at the time.
Robin said there have been quite a few women who have broken down and cried. Gary said they made Gilda Radner cry when she came in. Gary said he got yelled at for Howard making the Go-Gos leave crying. Howard said he hit it off with them but then this guy came in... He said that might have been The Bangles. He was confused. Howard said he interviewed George Michael and Andrew Ridgely once and he asked if they were gay. He said they handled it fine. Gary said that the record company guy told them not to ask that question and that was the first thing Howard asked.
Howard said it's not a good idea to tell him what not to ask. Howard said that's happened before and he doesn't take it very well. Howard said he will just go after anyone who tells him what to ask.
Howard said he doesn't remember making the Go-Gos cry. He said he thought he was being good for the traffic copter girls. He said he thought he was helping by talking to them on the air so much.
Howard said he almost made Tiny Tim cry. Gary said he made Susan Berserkawitz cry. Gary said he made Richard Simmons cry too. Howard said that was easy. Robin said he has made a few people cry. She told him about some other people.
Howard did his impression of Roz in the N-Copter and what that would sound like. He made fun of her husband starting a business and having it fail.
Howard said he had Bob Hope on the show once and almost made him cry. Howard said he and Fred were Out of the Closet Stern and Blackswell. He said he didn't just want to talk to Bob Hope. Howard said after the interview Bob said he was insulted by a very rude woman. Howard said he had no idea what was going on with the show. Howard said he remembers the conversation he had with the publicist. Howard said they asked about the rude woman who did the interview. Howard said he told them that it was just a comedy routine. Howard said it was totally inoffensive. Howard said they told him that they'd had problems with Bob not knowing what was going on.
Gary said Mike Farrell left the show upset once too. He said he was in town doing a rally for someone and he left there very mad. He said Howard was doing some rank outs with a caller and Mike asked if that was the show he was going on. He said that ''People think this is funny'' as a statement and not a question. He said he just said yes and no answers during the interview. Howard said he wasn't a very fun interview. He said the guy is too serious.
Robin said Bruce Dern almost attacked Howard. He jumped over the desk at him. Howard said that guy from The Cars, Elliot Easton, was a jerk too. Robin said she thought Bruce Dern was going to hit Howard for real. She said that Howard told him that he was too serious when he acts and that's the one thing you don't mess with. Howard said Bruce didn't know he was joking. Howard said David Carradine pretended to attack him but he knew it was just a joke.
Randolph's Creepy Erection Story. 03/15/06. 7:35am
Howard took a call from a guy, Randolph, who said that he was a teacher who believes he got fired for the wrong reasons. He went on to tell the story about how he got an erection in front of an all boy's class and ended up getting an erection. He claims that every man gets an erection at inappropriate times. He said he's even gotten erections while out at a basketball game.
Randolph said that he would stop the class and tell the students about the erection and explain it to them why he gets something like that. These were 8 year old boys he was explaining it to so there was some laughter and giggling according to the caller.
Randolph said that he would also excuse himself to go to the bathroom to finish himself off. He wouldn't tell the kids that he was going to do that of course. He said he would never masturbate in front of the class but he would explain it to the students. He says that he's actually gotten thanks from some of the students over the years.
Howard found out that the guy is married and has children of his own. He hasn't told his wife why he was fired yet though. Howard took some phone calls to see what the fans were thinking. One guy said that he'd like to back this guy up because he has a problem getting erections in public as well. Howard told the guys that he was fully aroused himself because he was playing with himself under the console. He believes that you can hide that stuff though. Some other callers believe that he shouldn't be allowed to teach kids about having erections like he claims he was.
Randolph said he wants his job back and he's going to fight the school to get it back. One caller told Howard that he's a teacher and has never gotten an erection in front of his students. Another caller said he's studying to be a teacher now and he would make sure to get out of the room before he got a full erection.
Howard asked him more about beating off and how he goes about telling the students about how he does it. He said that he will excuse himself telling them that he's heading out to relieve himself. He once had a student follow him into the teacher's lounge and into the bathroom one time but he didn't do anything.
Howard took a few more phone calls for the guy and let some people go off on him. Some people said that he can't just teach kids sex education stuff if he's not supposed to. The caller thinks that Randolph is out of his mind. One woman said that she thinks he's out of his mind as well. Randolph said that he thinks he can get his job back but if he doesn't, he'll just move on to another school. Robin wondered how he can get a job after losing one for this reason. The guy didn't answer her on that question.
One caller told Howard that this is great because it will expose the guy for what he's all about and hopefully keep him from getting another job teaching students.
In the clip Howard was reading some news and Robin was giving him a hard time about something he wanted her to do. She said that she'd defend Howard from Fred if Fred attacked him. That led to Fred talking about how she isn't capable of analyzing anything. Fred and Robin went back and forth with that for a second but Howard cut them off.
Fred was still going off on Robin so Robin told him to go back to his stripper wife. Fred did his impression of Robin and making fun of her while she made fun of his wife going out and stripping in that play she's in. Jackie said something so Fred went off on him too. He told him to watch what he's saying ''fat boy.''
Mike Gange came in and said he hates ratting on Fred but he was having some problems with the carts earlier and Robin was nagging him through the glass. Fred said the carts got knocked over and Robin was giving him a hard time so he told her to leave him alone and called her a witch. He said he hates her guts. Howard said he takes things too personally. He can't hate Robin. Robin said she's hurt but she'll get over it.
Robin said all she did was tell Fred they were off the air. Fred said he was frantically looking for carts and he was frustrated. He said that's why he took it out on her. He said he just said it and he was done. It was just a verbal hiccup. Howard said he wouldn't call someone a witch if they told him they were off the air. Fred said he was frustrated. Robin said sometimes Fred doesn't hear it and she wasn't sure if he knew they were off the air. Fred said it was just 2 seconds. Howard said she doesn't know that. Fred said he'll figure it out and no one needs to tell him anything. Jackie said that Robin does always throw knives so you never know when she's being serious or busting balls.
Scott The Engineer IS Pussy Whipped. 3/15/02. 6:40am
Yesterday Howard made a deal with Scott the Engineer. He had a trip to a NASCAR race but Scott the Engineer had to agree to go without asking for his wife's permission. Scott accepted the prize and said he was going. Ronnie the Limo Driver was also going to go as long as Scott got to go. Within minutes of that conversation yesterday Scott's wife called in and wanted to talk to Scott. Scott said his wife told him she wasn't even listening. Now Scott says he has other stuff he has to do that he can't get out of and he can't go on the trip. Ronnie said he knew this was going to happen.
Howard said he lost respect for Scott when he heard about this. He knew it was going to happen this way. He predicted it during the conversation yesterday. Howard wanted to know what was so important that he wouldn't be able to go. Scott kept repeating that he had to ''...take care of some personal things.'' He wouldn't give specific reasons though. Someone joked that he has to stay home and watch the race on TV.
Howard said there's nothing that important that would keep Scott home. He said nothing is open on Sunday for him to go to. Howard then offered Scott's wife $1000 if she lets him go. He told Scott to call his wife and offer her the money to let him go. He said he doesn't want to pressure her into this though.
Ronnie thinks that it has to do with him. Last year the two of them went to a NASCAR race school and Scott's wife seems to think that Ronnie's wife ''swindled'' her into letting Scott go to the school. Now she won't talk to Ronnie or his wife. Scott told Howard that it's got nothing to do with Ronnie. He said he has to take care of his wife that weekend and that's it.
Mike Gange from E! came in and said that they already booked a trip to the race so they could tape it. He asked Scott if he could tell his wife that it's a business thing and he has to do it for his job. He said he'd call her and ask her about the $1000 thing and see what happens but they've already discussed it with her.
Howard pointed out how Scott was so defiant when he said ''I'm going!'' during the discussion yesterday. Today he's a completely different man.
Howard took a break and asked Scott what happened when he called her. Scott said she wasn't answering the phone so he wasn't able to talk to her. He said he left her a message for her though.
Crazy Cabbie called in during all of this and asked what was going on with the fight between him and Stuttering John. Howard said he spoke to Donald Trump yesterday and they're working on getting something together. It might happen at the Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City. Cabbie and John ended up arguing with each other again this morning.
Howard's E-Mail And Blue Iris Calls In. 03/15/06. 7:20am
Howard read some mail about the Blue Iris prank call that Artie loves so much. The guys think that they should do something new with her every week. Howard had Blue Iris on the phone so he spent a minute talking to her. Blue said that she was sick recently and was bleeding internally... Having a backwards period. She was in the hospital for five days. Howard asked her what went on when she met this young man that she had mentioned that she tried to seduce. She said that she got the guy to pull down his pants and told him that she had never done anyone in a hospital bed.
Blue said that they had to operate on her and they removed two polyps. Howard said that he assumes that this guy she did ended up vomiting as he was doing her. She said that she didn't want to go out without having sex. Howard asked her if the guy took off all of her clothes. She said the hospital gown was slit up the side so he just went in that way.
Howard figured that she must have been quite ''pungent'' after not cleaning up for a few days. She claims that she took one every day and didn't stink. She also told Howard that she believes that Howard will win his lawsuit. She asked if she could have one of his 'I Hate Leslie Moonves Tour'' t-shirts. Howard told her he gave away his last one already so he didn't have one for her. He let her go a short time later.
Howard said that he just saw something called a Viagra Ring that you can get at ViagraRing.com. It has a hole cut out it so you can hide your Viagra in it. He said he can't imagine having something like that. Artie said he's seen ecstasy rings in clubs before but not a Viagra ring.
In the clip Howard said he had a guy on the phone who was from a dwarf organization. He wanted to talk about a commercial that ran with a dwarf in it.
Howard picked up on Billy who was playing Sinque the dwarf. He was the head of the Dwarf Liberation Party. Sinque said they call it DLP. Robin asked what this was. Sinque said he didn't call in to be made fun of. Robin said she wasn't making fun of him.
Howard asked Sinque why they were going to picket these TV stations. Sinque was saying they didn't like this commercial that ran with a dwarf in it. He said they're going to be protesting at the TV station there next week. He said they can come out and face them directly. Howard was cracking up at what Billy was saying.
Howard talked to Sinque about what his signs are going to say. Sinque said that they say ''Dwarves are People Too.'' He got all worked up about Danny DeVito and how he's not a midget like people say he is.
Howard asked Sinque to stop by the station later and talk to them. Sinque said he will do that. Robin said she wants to see what he looks like. Howard said that guy is some character.
In the clip Howard had Nicole Eggert come in. Howard said she looks like she wasn't wearing a bra. She said she wasn't. She told Howard she had her implants removed. Howard said she still has nice breasts. She said she had them before she had the implants too. Howard said he liked the big cans. She said they got in the way so she had to get rid of them. Howard said Robin had breast reduction and the doctor refused to make them as small as she wanted. Howard said the doctor kept them a D-cup instead of making a B-cup like she wanted. Nicole said that's what the doctor told her.
Howard said he liked the way she looked with those implants. He said this outfit she has on now isn't flattering. He said she doesn't look like a sex symbol. He said he's a big fan of her's. He said that no one even knew who Pam Anderson was before Nicole left. Howard said everything was about her before she left Baywatch.
Howard asked if she hated the people she worked with. Nicole said that's not it. Howard asked if David Hasselhoff is retarded. She said he's not. Howard asked if it was a mistake leaving the show. She said it wasn't a mistake. She said she was miserable working there. Howard said he's miserable doing this job. He said that's what makes him successful.
Nicole said they shot the show in the winter so it was rough. She said the water was disgusting and she saw a dead body on the beach one morning. She said they had a bunch of garbage on the beach too. She said that the dead body was a guy and it was a black man. She said he was naked. Robin asked how they lose their clothes. Howard said the fish do it.
Nicole said the guy was bloated like 3 times the normal size. She said his penis wasn't even there. She said she was looking at everything. Howard asked if she thinks someone took it as a souvenir. Maybe Pam Anderson took it since it was a black man. Nicole said she didn't see Pam there.
Howard said he wishes Nicole was wearing something better. He said she must have panties on. She said she does. She asked if Howard has panties on too. Howard said he does. Howard asked to see her shoes. He didn't sound impressed with those either. Howard said she's not being sexual at all. Howard said when Pam came in she was dressed really sexy. Howard said she was all over him.
Howard told Nicole they should have taken that dead guy and done a Weekend at Bernie's Baywatch show. He told her what they could have done with the body. Howard ran through a scene with the body. Nicole said she thinks they actually did a Weekend at Bernie's kind of thing on the show already.
Gary came in and said that there's a rumor that Nicole is dating Brett Michaels. Nicole said she heard that rumor too. She said it's not true. Howard asked who she is dating. She didn't say.
Howard said Nicole is in a new movie and she plays a stripper. Nicole said she hasn't filmed it. Robin asked why she's there. Nicole said they start filming on Saturday. She's just in promoting that she's doing the movie. Howard said Nicole's teeth are so nice. He said he has such bad genetics. Nicole said she used to go to the dentist every 6 months. Howard said his teeth were all crooked and gnarled. He said his mother refused to get him braces. Howard said his mother is into everything natural. He said she thinks that people place too much on beauty. He said she's a genuine kook.
Howard said his mother would take aspirin before going to the dentist. Howard said he'd go to the dentist and he wasn't allowed to take anything. Howard said these cavities were really deep too. Nicole said she's never had a cavity. Howard said he goes to the dentist now and it's no big deal. He said he hasn't had any pain since he went to this guy. He said he won't even show Nicole his crooked teeth. Nicole showed him her teeth. Howard said her's aren't crooked.
Howard said he still doesn't understand why she had to get out of Baywatch. He asked what she's doing now. She said she just did a movie for Showtime. Howard asked if she's hard up for money. Nicole said she's doing okay.
Howard asked Nicole who her boyfriend is. She said his name is Nick. Howard asked if it's Nick Savalas. She said it's not him. Howard asked what happened with this guy who she got into a fight over. Nicole said she got into a fight with another woman over a guy. Howard said she should make a movie about that. Howard said he'd like to see that. Nicole said she's still in court with this. She said the other chick has big medical bills.
Howard asked Nicole about the guy she was dating and if he was the one who told her to take her breast implants out. She said he didn't do that. Howard said that's a cool thing to do. He said you tell the chick that she doesn't need those things. Howard said her B-cups are more than enough for him. Howard asked Jackie Puppet if he likes those. The Puppet said he did. He was trying to breast feed off of her.
Howard asked how old Nicole was when she had sex the first time. She said she was 17. She bought her first house at 16. Howard asked if it was Scott Baio who she banged. She just laughed. Howard asked who her first boyfriend was. Nicole said it was just some guy. Robin asked if he was an older guy. She said it was just a couple of years. She said it was just a little bit older.
Howard asked if she's gotten it on with a girl. Nicole said she hasn't. Howard asked if she's ever had a hairbrush incident. Nicole didn't even know what that was. Howard explained it to her. Jackie Puppet said he'll put on a wig and she can pretend he's a woman.
Howard asked Nicole here her parents were when she bought the house. She said her mother would come over and hang out with her. She said they were divorced. Howard said he knew there was a problem there. She said she gets along with both of them. Howard asked if his mom is good looking. Nicole said she is. Howard asked if she has sisters. Nicole said she does. Howard said they must be hot too.
Howard said he'll never forget the scene where she was laying out by the pool and dreaming about having sex with a ghost. Howard said he has a bootleg video of her doing it in rehearsal. Howard said this guy was standing there taping it out in the open. Nicole didn't believe it when Howard told her what was on the tape. Howard swore that he saw this tape. Gary said they watched the video a couple of times.
Howard asked if this guy she's dating now can do anything for her career wise. Nicole said he can't. Howard asked what she does in this movie she's shooting. She told Howard it's nothing that he can get off on. She told Howard about the character she's playing and what she's up to in the movie. Howard asked if she's all slutty in the movie. She said she's not.
Howard told Nicole he learned to check women for breast cancer. Jackie Puppet said he would check it with his teeth. Nicole asked how he can deal with him. Howard said he doesn't have to deal with him. He said he can just fire him.
Howard said he's thinking of putting Nicole in his movie. Nicole asked what she'd have to do in that movie. Jackie Puppet said she'd have to let him check her for hemorrhoids. Howard said she can play the nurse or the patient that comes to him for hemorrhoid surgery. Howard said he's calling it ''Forest Dumper M.D.'' Howard said she just has to be examined in the movie.
Howard talked to Nicole about her boyfriend and how she should be dating different guys. Jackie Puppet said he had a rubber on just in case she needs him during the commercials. She told her to stick that tongue out and she'll suck it out of her skull. Howard asked if she knows she's sticking it out. She said she does it when she laughs. She said she didn't even know she was doing it.
Howard said he would eat her feet if he was dating her. He asked to see her feet. She said she had shoes on. Howard told her to wear something better next time she's in there. Howard said she's in town shooting the movie ''Melissa'' and he might go visit the set. Howard said he'd like to see the stripper scenes.
Howard asked Nicole why she can't tie up her t-shirt at the bottom. Howard showed her what he was talking about. Nicole said she didn't shave her chest today. Howard asked if he's turning her on. Nicole said ''Oh yeah...''
Jackie Puppet was asking if he could touch her shoulder. Nicole said no. Howard asked if they could all just touch her shoulder. Nicole said Howard could. Howard touched her shoulder. Jackie did it too. Robin said they're so sick. Nicole said that's so unbelievable. Jackie Puppet even went over and touched her shoulder. Jackie started cracking up. Howard said the puppet started to dive into her lap. Howard said this proves that even though she's trying to get rid of the sex symbol image, it's very hard. Nicole said she's not trying to get rid of it. Howard told her to come back and see them when this movie comes out.
Howard asked if he could give Nicole a hug. She said that he was very nice last time. Howard said he might rub up against her if he does. He said maybe he shouldn't do it. Nicole said maybe not.
Howard asked Nicole what her boyfriend does. She said he owns restaurants and nightclubs and stuff. She said he loves producing music too. Howard said he's not going to treat her right. He said the guy will dump her. Howard said she should go for an old, married guy, like him instead. Howard said she wants a guy who explodes on impact. He wrapped up with her a short time later.
Howard Tells Ralph's Scores Fight Story. 03/15/05. 7:15am
Howard came back from break and plugged tonight's E! show featuring Heidi Cortez and Motley Crue. He mentioned that Jose Canseco would be in a little later. Playboy Playmate Courtney Rachel Culkin was also going to be in a little later. Howard mentioned that Ralph was beat up over at Scores over the weekend so he told the story as he knew it. Howard said that Ralph was out at a business meeting for some show someone wants to do with him. He had a few drinks there at the meeting and then went out with John Stamos for dinner. Ralph had a few more drinks at the dinner with Stamos. He apparently kept telling Stamos to go out with him to Scores but Stamos didn't want to go. Ralph went by himself and had more drinks, without any food. He was getting some table dances and some guy came up to him and started in with him. Ralph has been taking kick boxing classes so he should have been able to defend himself. Ralph somehow lightly punched this guy in the face, supposedly just kidding around. The dude who got hit ended up punching Ralph in the stomach so Ralph said ''Hey man, F*** you!'' and the two of them went at it. Ralph got punched in the face and didn't even realize how hard he'd been punched because of the alcohol. He felt blood on his face a little later and went in the bathroom and saw it bleeding. Howard said Ralph went home and his face was still bleeding. He should have gone to get it stitched up but ended up just taping it closed. The next morning the whole side of his head was blown up. Ralph isn't even sure exactly what happened because he was so wasted.
Chuck Zito was at Scores and he was apparently lecturing Ralph about how he should have expected it because he punched this guy in the face. Howard got an e-mail from someone who said that the guy who popped Ralph was in the bathroom but ran out after he saw Chuck Zito lecturing Ralph. He found the letter and read what the guy wrote. The guy said he saw Ralph come in the bathroom after Chuck Zito had come in. The writer thought that it was actually Chuck Zito who punched Ralph out. The writer was actually the one who ran out of the bathroom because he didn't want to upset Chuck in any way. He said he actually left town because he doesn't want to witness anything Chuck does.
In the clip Howard had movie reviewers Siskel and Ebert come in. Ebert was upset that Howard kept them out there waiting so long. He said Siskel has to do another show in a short time. Ebert said he has the time but Gene doesn't.
Howard said that Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert have a special coming up. Siskel told Howard they will predict what will win at the Oscars. Howard said it sounds like this is the new Siskel. He said he's talking slow for some reason. Ebert said that he's been this way since he saw The Doors movie. Howard said he didn't see it but he knows what this director did. Ebert said Siskel has seen Saturday Night Fever 17 times and he's trying to live his life vicariously through the Doors. Siskel told Howard he spent his life in the same areas that the movie was filmed in. Howard said it's a fan stay film for guys like Siskel.
Howard said he gets to read Roger's reviews in the Daily News. Howard said he doesn't see Siskel's stuff as much. Howard told the guys what an awful paper the Daily News is. Howard said that the guy who bought the paper has no idea the yellow journalism that's going on there. Howard said they target and attack people with no basis of fact.
Howard said he is not a film reviewer but that paper reviewed his TV special and the woman who wrote it admitted she hadn't even seen it. Howard said that's just not right.
Howard said Roger has gone off the deep end. He said he thinks that he's contrary to popular opinion with every movie he sees. Howard said he thinks that if there's a popular feeling at the screening he'll write the opposite. Howard said he follows a reviewer if he agrees with about 80 percent of their reviews. Howard wadi he doesn't get why Roger is so against so many.
Howard went through some movie reviews with the guys and told them they were nuts with some of their reviews. Howard said ''Postcards from the Edge'' was a huge waste of time. Howard said they're off the wall with their reviews.
Robin said she thought that they had given ''Harlem Nights'' a good review but they said they did not. Robin said that all of Spike Lee's movies get a bad review. Roger said that ''Do the Right Thing'' was a great movie. Howard said Roger is a racist. He said any normal person doesn't like his movies. He said even black people hate his movies. Howard said black people don't go to his movies. He said it's the white liberals that go. Howard said that they're both out of touch. Howard argued with Roger about that for a minute. Roger said his girlfriend is black. Howard said he didn't know that. Howard asked Gene if he knew that. Gene said he did. Howard asked if she has white features. Roger said that's not very nice.
Roger said that he's been dating her for about 2 years now. Howard said that's why he's the Spike Lee expert all of a sudden. Howard said he has a fetish for black women. Roger said they just kind of met at a dinner. He said it was at a restaurant with friends. Howard asked if she let him do everything to her. Howard said black women are wild. Roger didn't answer that.
Robin said she liked a couple of Spike Lee movies but ''Do the Right Thing'' was not a good movie. Howard said that they all know that he's not a good film maker. Roger disagreed. Howard said he wants to stop this discussion. He said that his movies are about as good as a college student's films.
Howard said he will never be convinced that he's a good film maker. He said his stuff isn't real and it's boring so that's that. He said his opinion is what counts on this show. Howard went back and forth with them on that subject for a couple more minutes.
Howard said he's going to watch Siskel and Ebert's special. He said that they're going to be at Regis and Kathie Lee waiting to go on when they could stay there and promote. Howard said that Regis bores everyone to tears with his opening monologue. Gene said that's the best part of the show. Howard said they really are out of touch.
Howard said he has a woman on the phone who claims she slept with Roger Ebert. Howard picked up on her and spent a minute talking to her. She said her name was Lillian. Roger said he actually does remember this woman. She said she tied him up and her fat little ''Ebsie'' would try to escape from her. Roger said this is a different Lillian. Howard asked more questions and Roger said this is not the woman he knew. She said he loved to run around her apartment naked. Howard broke the joke and said this was Billy West on the phone. Roger said that no one has ever called him ''Ebsie'' before.
Billy asked Ebert to rate his performance. Roger was shocked it was a man. He had no idea it was Billy West. Howard said he has another guy on the phone who says that they were arguing at dinner last night. Roger and Gene said they didn't have dinner in the city last night. Howard picked up on the caller but he didn't get far since it was a lie according to Roger and Gene.
Howard kept the guys in there longer than they were supposed to be so Gary said their publicist was freaking out. Howard let them go a short time later.
Greg Fitzsimmons Visits. 03/15/07. 8:30am
Howard took a call from a guy who called himself Pinworm Paul. That led to Howard asking him how he got the pinworms because he sounded too old to have gotten something like that. He tried explaining it to Howard but he was bored by it and hung up on the guy. Greg said his kid had them and the way he found out was to wait until his kid was sleeping, pulled down the pants and saw squiggling worms in the asshole.
Howard had pinworms when he was little so he explained how his mother had to have him shit in a box to bring that to the doctor. He said he can remember seeing the worms squiggling around in his doody in the box. Howard said he had to hand that box of doody to his mother and she had to take it to the doctor. Howard said he used to have issues wiping and he would always end up with shit stains in his underwear. He talked about his mother washing the shit out of his underwear instead of just throwing them away.
Greg told a story about shitting his pants at a friend's house one time. He said he was going to throw the underwear into a dryer but decided to just throw them out instead. He put them in a bag and threw them out in someone's hard and realized that someone was going to find them. That reminded Howard about Ronnie shitting his pants when he was driving and how he ended up throwing them into a tree.
Howard told another story about being a little kid and shitting his pants. He remembered waddling home and burying his underwear because he was so embarrassed. Howard also talked about his mother taking his temperature anally until he was in his teens. He said she was still invading his ass when he was in his teen years and even his psychiatrist asked him if he felt invaded.
Artie said the worst for him was when he got strip searched when he went into jail. He said that was awful. Howard took a call from a guy who was in New york somewhere and it reminded him of this restaurant that he used to go to called McCluskys. He said he didn't remember the name but Jon Hein knew it because he used to go there as well. Howard couldn't stop thinking about his underwear being washed by his mother so he kept talking about that. That led to Greg talking about how his kids wipe.
Greg then admitted that he still takes a bath with his 3 year old daughter. Howard said that his giant dick is going to traumatize her if she keeps seeing that. Greg said he loves taking a bath with his kids and he doesn't see any reaction from her at this point. Howard and the rest of the guys thought that was very wrong to take a bath with his kids. Greg said he never even thought that it would be wrong. He said his brother-in-law was there with him and he always wore underwear in front of his kids.
Gary said that they used to goof on him for taking a bath with his bathing suit on. Howard said that he shouldn't have been taking a bath with them at all. He didn't need to be there in the tub with the kids. Howard asked Greg if his daughter has ever commented on his dick. He said she has talked about the hair she sees. Howard asked Greg if his father ever showed him his dick. Greg said he doesn't remember ever seeing it. That led to Greg saying that he didn't have his son circumsized because it's like genital mutilation. He doesn't think it's right. Howard agreed with him on that.
Baseball Player Jose Canseco Visits. 03/15/05. 8:45am
Howard had baseball player Jose Canseco in after the break. Jose was in to promote his book ''Juiced : Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits, and How Baseball Got Big.'' Howard said the guy is huge and he probably could have played football instead of baseball. Howard talked to Jose about his nuts and whether or not they shrunk when he took steroids. Howard said he's be afraid of that if he was on steroids. Jose said it doesn't have any effect on your penis, just the testicles. Howard said that Artie is kind of pissed at Jose for outing all of his friends. Jose said that he's not getting all that much crap about the stuff because people realize that what he's saying is the truth. Artie asked him what his objective is with this book. Jose said he just wants the players to come out and talk about this stuff because he believes that the teams were allowing them to use the steroids. He even claims that he played for George W. Bush and even he may have turned a blind eye to the steroid use. Jose doesn't think it's all that big of a revelation because everyone pretty much knows about it already.
Jose said that the whole thing comes from the pressure that these guys are under to perform. There's a lot of wear and tear on the human body and that's why these guys are taking the steroids. Jose said that the steroids don't help your hand eye coordination but if you already have that, it can enhance that. Artie was also asking about Barry Bonds and why he's doing so well in his later years. Jose said he thinks that steroids can be the fountain of youth for some guys. Jose said the book has actually been number one for the past few weeks and it's doing very well. Howard asked Jose if he he'd be able to beat Mark McGwire's ass if he ran into him. Jose said he's pretty sure he could hold up pretty well even though Magurie is a pretty big guy.
Jose was talking about how he hates the politics of the Major League Baseball stuff. He talked about how they kicked him out of the game when the steroid use became a big story, even after they knew about the stuff before. Jose said he thinks the owners and the players association booted him out and used him as a scapegoat. Artie asked him why he wrote it, was it revenge or something else. Jose said he talks about his life growing up and not just about the whole baseball thing. Howard read some other notes he had about Jose and went over some of that stuff with him. Benjy asked Jose why he didn't name the guys who sold him the steroids since he was so willing to name the players who took them. Robin said he doesn't' want to get killed, that's why he's not naming those names. Howard also pointed out that Jose is mad at Major League Baseball, not the people who sold them the steroids. Jose said that he thinks that other people will eventually come out of the woodwork and talk about this stuff. Meanwhile, he's the only one talking about it.
Jose told the guys a story about these people who would pay to just hang out with him. He said he was offered $10,000 from a guy who wanted him to sit at the dinner table with tight shorts and a tight shirt one time. He used to have people over to his house that would pay $2,500 to just hang out with him. Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and said that Jose is claiming that he's not writing the book for the money but that's exactly what he's doing. He was also saying that steroids are killing more kids these days than even cocaine is. Jose thought that was a ridiculous statement and it just wasn't true. Another caller said that Jose is like the Henry Hill of baseball and someone should put a hit out on the guy. The caller said that Jose should just shut his mouth and get out of there already. Jose said that he has been subpoenaed to testify in front of congress on Thursday and he's going to be doing that. He thinks that the other players that have been asked to show up will be there but they may plead the fifth if they don't want to talk about it.
Howard asked Jose about the time he spent with Madonna. He said he met her years ago when she was looking for a Cuban man to have a kid with. He said someone saw him and called him asking if he wanted to meet Madonna. Jose said he didn't even think about having sex with her, he was just honored to have been able to meet her. He said he arranged a meeting with her. He went to visit and she brought him into her bedroom. She showed him the masturbation scene from a movie she did while they were in the bedroom. He didn't know what was going on but she was looking at him as he was watching it. She asked him what he thought about it and then showed him around her house a little more. She was also asking him a lot of questions and stuff. He left without having sex with her. He kept in touch after that and met with her again when they were both in New York. Jose said that he was separated from his first wife at the time but he really didn't have intentions of having sex with Madonna. He went over to visit her and there was a lot of paparazzi there. He said that Madonna was very relaxed that day and he liked seeing that side of her. He said they were just sitting there when Madonna asked him if he wanted to kiss her. Jose said he told her ''no'' like an idiot. They ended up making out anyway. He left after that and there were even more paparazzi outside. He got a call from his ex-wife because it became big news. He also had a bunch of people throwing stuff at him at a game a couple of days later. Artie said he was at the game and saw Jose almost hit a guy with a baseball bat after he was yelling some stuff at him. Jose said he never threatened anyone but Artie saw it happen.
Ralph called in and said that Jose is making the game more interesting by talking about this stuff in his book. Artie didn't think it was right for him to out all of the other guys that are using steroids. Howard got back to the Madonna stuff and said he's amazed that she didn't just grab his package when he was with her. Jose claims that he never had sex with Madonna. Jose brought some people with him and there was a hot chick in the group. Jose said that the woman wasn't with him though, that was a friend of his. There were a few arguments going on about the steroid use and whether or not they should change the record books. They went back and forth about that stuff for a few minutes before Howard had to wrap up the segment. He gave Jose a plug for his book and his web site JoseCanseco.com. Jose said that he's going to be making a movie out of the book. They're going to have to find a guy who can play him in the movie and that's not going to be all that easy. Jose said that he may have to play himself in the movie. Howard offered to play the part of Madonna. He ended the interview after that and went to commercial.
In the clip Howard was going off on Gary about not getting the girls in there when he asked for them. Howard wondered if he's out there picking his nose of his ass. Gary showed up and told Howard he's stupid. Howard told him to get out. Gary said they don't know what goes on in the office back there. Gary ended up hitting Jackie in the face with the microphone. Robin said this poor girl has no idea what she just walked into.
Gary came back in and said that Howard makes things up to suit himself. He said he was out there on the phone and there were commercials on so he didn't know that they were back. Gary said he has guests to book for the show. Howard said Gary has to hear him out. He said he's not doing his job correctly. Gary said Howard doesn't understand life. He said he runs the show by the seat of his pants so he has to understand that things like this are going to happen.
Howard asked Gary why he had to wait. Gary said he was on the phone with someone who had to change a date for a booking. Howard said he has to tell the rest of the guys that he's busy so they can get things going.
Howard asked the girl who was there what was going on out there. She said she was waiting for a really long time. Howard said they had 5 minutes to get the girl set up to come in there. Howard gave up on the argument and talked about how this girl is only 18. Howard asked if she's nervous. She said she is nervous but excited too. Howard asked if she's ever exposed her breasts in public before. She said she hasn't. Howard said he's very upset about Gary's treatment of this girl. Howard said it ruined it for him. He said he was all sexed up but now he's got to yell at Gary.
Howard said this girl probably thought that was planned or set up. She said they wouldn't let her boyfriend into the building. She said they gave him a hard time too. Howard said he's a lucky man.
Howard asked the girl if she was ready to do this. She said she's ready and she wants him to spank her too. Howard asked if the boyfriend spanks her. She said she does. Howard asked if the boyfriend is okay with this. She said he is and it's only because it's Howard. Howard said he's like the pope taking her on.
Howard asked what it is that makes him sexy. She said it's his hair. Howard said he's like a kid. He's underground like Bon Jovi. He said he's actually nothing like Bon Jovi. He said he's not afraid of his record company.
Howard asked the girl what her name was. She said it's Carrie. She went over to get her breasts painted green. Howard said that she's already rubbing him. Howard asked if she loves guys. She said she does. Howard asked why she's lived all over the country. She said she has her reasons. Robin asked what she's running away from. She said she's running away from her parents.
Howard asked Carrie if she was wearing any underwear. She said she had a g-string on. She took her top off and Howard was shocked. Howard said they're real and they're like a D-cup. She said they are a D-cup. She's only 100 pounds. Howard said her breasts were huge. He said her boyfriend is very lucky. He started to paint her boobs with his finger paints. Howard painted a flower on one boob. He asked what she wanted on the other. She asked if he could paint a likeness of himself. Howard drew himself on the other boob.
Howard finished up painting and had her get over his knee so he could spank her. Howard said this is some way to end the week. Howard told her to get her head near the mic while she's getting spanked. He told her to relax and get comfortable. He asked how hard she likes it. She told him to go kind of soft. Howard asked if she has any diseases. Carrie said she doesn't. Howard spanked her and asked what she says to her boyfriend when he's doing it. She told Howard to spank her, she's been a bad girl. Howard said he just met this girl. He gave her one whack and she said that she was aroused. Fred played a baby crying sound effect. Howard asked how many she wanted. She told him to give her five more.
Howard let Carrie go and had to clean off some green paint from his pants. Carrie said he made her day. Howard said she's got such a big rack for someone so thin. Howard said he was totally fooled in the clothes she was wearing. Howard said he'd ask Fred what he thinks but he doesn't think he likes women.
Howard asked if he could bring in another woman. Carrie said she was fine with that. Gary brought in the other woman who was also very big. Robin said she just saw this woman. Howard asked where. Howard said she was on Donahue. Howard asked if that's true. Robin told Howard what she was on for but it was in private. The woman said she was on and she was on because she was depressed. She said she was treated and she's not depressed now. Howard said he believes in Paint-O-Therapy. Howard said her breasts are even bigger than Carrie's. Howard asked girl 2 if Phil was gracious when she came on the show and did that. She said he was very gracious.
Howard told girl 2 to come over and get her breasts painted. Howard said she's a nice sized woman. He said he likes them big. He told her to take off her top. Howard said she's very luscious. He told Gary to bring in more paint. Howard said he likes this girl. She was 5'11'' tall. Howard said his leg is going to hurt after she sits on it. Howard said she's very excited too. She said she was cold. Howard said he was going to paint his picture there. He said it might take a while. Howard said he's never had a black woman. Howard painted himself on her boob and said he'd put a shamrock on the other. Howard said he really needs a paint roller on those. He said she's hot with those big breasts.
Howard asked girl 2 if she had a boyfriend. She said you'd think so. Howard asked if she had a g-string on too. He said he might not have enough hours to explore that.
Howard asked if that was sexually stimulating for her. She said it wasn't but it was a new experience for her. Howard said that they have to get other girls to think that way. Howard said that Carrie will dream about the green paint after this. Howard said these girls have really worked him up.
In the clip Howard had one of the stars of Dallas, Mary Crosby, in the studio and he had a bit that they had written. Howard played a gay man in ''Fallas'' who comes out to this woman. She ends up shooting him in the butt.
Howard said that he did a great job in that bit. He said he didn't want to overplay it. Howard took some calls and asked the audience what they thought. One guy said he loved it. Howard said he thinks he showed that he can hold his own against Mary Crosby. They wrapped up a short time later.
In the clip Howard was coming out of a U2 song and singing about Judge Ito. Howard wondered if Ito ever killed any nips. Howard talked about that for a short time. Billy West was doing his impression of Judge Ito during that discussion. Robin read some news about the OJ trial and the guys were goofing around talking about that.
Howard was talking about one of the witnesses in the case and what they were saying about Mark Furman using the N-word. Howard said he's not buying what they're saying about how free he was with that word. He said people just don't do what they claim he did.
Robin had some clips from the trial so they went through those and Howard commented on that. Howard said he's not sure what they're doing there. He said it doesn't make a lot of sense.
Robin read more about the case and had Howard playing various clips of people's testimony. Howard went over all of the stuff. Howard said he thinks that the jury won't be able to get past the use of the N-word and they won't let it go. Howard said this jury will not convict OJ. He said the only way they would is if a bunch of people saw him commit the crime. Howard said he's sure that they'll be a hung jury.
In the clip Howard was wrapping up a segment when one of the guests mentioned Baba Booey. Howard mentioned the ''Baba Booey'' thing a few times and Gary came in to defend himself. Howard played a song since he was ending the show. He sang along to the song with Baba Booey as the lyrics. He was singing Creedence Clearwater Revival's ''Fortunate Son.'' They ended the show a short time later.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:40am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:25am.