|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how Fred was out last Wednesday. He asked how things are. Fred said today could be a better day but it's not. He said they'll survive though. Howard said they had a discussion about when it's okay to take a day off and they didn't come to a resolution. Howard said they figured Fred had to be out because they have a young daughter. Fred said that his family needed him so that's why he was out.
Fred said that the deal is that he had a situation where he got a call from his sister-in-law about this guy that she lived with for many years. She called Fred one night and told him that Andrew was out on a mountain bike ride and hadn't come home. Fred said this happened to her father-in-law years ago and he died of a heart attack. Fred said that this guy is in really good shape and he's way skinny. Fred said the guy is in tremendous shape. Fred said he got this call and figured she was pressing the panic button. He told her to call the police immediately since he was late by a couple of hours. Fred figured that he just had a flat tire or something.
Fred said he called back a few times and finally his wife came home and they got someone who wasn't his sister-in-law on the phone. Then he heard his wife say ''He's dead...'' so he got on the phone when she handed the phone to him. Fred said that he heard ''Andrew is dead'' from a neighbor who was on the phone. Fred said that he could hear his sister-in-law wailing in the background. He said that this guy was only 45 years old and dropped dead from a heart attack.
Howard said he didn't know that the guy wasn't married to his sister-in-law. He said he and Robin didn't know. Howard said he and Robin figured that he could have done this on their days off. Fred said they dropped their daughter off and drove out on Wednesday. He said that no one was able to think or breathe. He said that there was a memorial service on Sunday. They're flying the body back to Ireland today. Fred said he was 45 but looked 35. He said that's one of life's cruel jokes.
Howard asked if the guy had a history of heart problems. Fred said that the autopsy results should be coming back soon. He said he really doesn't know. Fred said that there are people who look fine and they just drop dead. Howard said he wonders why he's wasting his time working out. Robin said some people just go and there's nothing you can do about it.
Howard went into his impression of his mother telling him that he's doing too much. He had his mom and dad telling him what's wrong with these people who work out too much. Robin tried talking to Ben and Ray but Ray kept saying that these people are doing too much. Ray said that she walks and gets her exercise. Fred said more people die walking than biking. Howard had Ray saying that you should just walk and not over do it. She said that they go to the gym one day a week. Ben said that he does weights in the basement too. Ray and Ben were going on and on about what they do for their work out. Howard had Ben talking about the track they walk on and how the Canadian geese poop on it. They walk around this track 4 times which equals a mile. He had Ray talking about walking around the mall too. Robin asked if it was a fast walk. Ray said it was just a walk.
Robin asked if it was appropriate to be talking about this now. Ray said that it's Fred. Fred said that this is like closing the barn door after the cow got out. Ray kept saying ''what?'' to Fred so Fred yelled out his answer.
George Takei was sitting in but his microphone wasn't working. Howard tried pulling it up and it wasn't working. Howard asked why they don't check this stuff for him. Howard had to have him switch microphones.
Howard said they really have to come up with a rule about who they can be out for when there's a death. Howard said Gary asked if his friend Frank died, should he take the day off. Howard said no. George agreed and so did Robin. Howard said he doesn't need to take a day off. Gary said sometimes there are friends that you like more than family. Howard said that he could come in for a couple of hours. Gary said that if the funeral was at 9 in the morning then he might have to take off. Howard said if his immediate family died then he'd take off. Robin asked why there has to be a cut off. Howard said things might get chaotic if they don't have rules. He said that people are going to take off for things that they don't need to. Robin said that Fred had to take off because he was the only functional one.
Fred said that he had to drive to the East end of Long Island to bring family to be with his sister-in-law. He said he was home the next day. Howard said he has no problem with that. Howard said you look like a dick if you have a problem with it. Robin said she can see the argument there. She said if you're not doing anything and just sitting around then she gets it.
Howard said that Fred could have driven back. Fred said he could have driven back but he was up since 4 in the morning and didn't get there until 1 in the morning.
Robin said Gary is asking about getting a day off because his friend died. Howard asked Fred if his family could have taken the jitney out to the east end. Fred said maybe they could have but they really needed him. George was laughing while they were talking about all of this.
Howard asked George what he thinks about all of this. George said that he thinks he had to do it because it was family. Howard asked George what he would do if he was shooting Star Trek back in the day and someone in his sister died. George said that he would have taken off of work. He said he has had to do that on occasion actually. He said they can move production around that. Robin said they could have had the funeral moved. George said it would have been nice if someone had died on a schedule. George said he feels for Fred. Fred said he sent out an email telling people that he was tied up. Howard said he was going to call but then he got that email. Howard said he wouldn't want Fred consoling him. He said his family must get something out of him though. Fred said that shows how small his family is because they have to rely on him.
Howard said he wants to learn from Fred. He said he's void of all humanity himself. Howard asked what he did to help. Fred said he was hand holding and hugging and just letting people go about their business. He said that you have to help talk them through all of this. Fred said they sometimes say they can't go on and you have to talk them through that. George said just being there can be of help. Howard said he's hearing all of this and thinking that he might want Fred there for him in a situation like that.
Howard said this had nothing to do with Fred. He said that this is showing that you don't want him to console anyone who is grieving. Howard said that Fred can sit there like a walk but he can't. Howard said he gets ants in the pants and has to get out. He said that he can't sit and grieve like Fred can.
Howard said that George walked in and told him about how he was in Italy and how he has a lot of fans over there who would come up to him and say ''Oh my'' or ''Dry oatmeal'' to him so he knew where that was coming from. Howard said he told George to save this for the show and not tell him off the air.
George said he has been working on the show ''Supah Ninjas'' and he's the ninja master on that show. He said he has been very busy with that show. George said he works about 3 days a week and it keeps him in town.
Howard asked where he went in Italy. George went over a bunch of cities he had been to. Howard said Gary told him to ask where he had been because he over annunciates it. George said that he believes it should be called by the name of what the people there call it. Howard said that someone has to keep the integrity of the language. He agrees with George. Howard said he was telling someone about a tsunami and he pronounced the TS the way George taught him.
Gary came in and asked George to pronounce some other names of the places he visited just to hear the way he was pronouncing it. Howard asked George what he does in these places that's so dreamy. Robin said the places are dreamy.
George said that it depends on the place they're at. George said that in Florence they would go to the museums to see Michelangelo's David and things like that. Howard said it sounds like a big gay thing. George said it's not a gay thing. George said they go and sight see. He said they take pictures of themselves at these places. George said they get people to take pictures of them too. Howard asked if they give each other a BJ by the statues. George said that's very hard to do in a public place.
George said that it was 90 degrees in most of Italy. He said they had guides that were helping them get around. He said that they took them when it was a down period. He said they celebrated their anniversary over there.
Howard asked what they do in the hotel room when they're over there. He wondered if they give them a hard time about being gay. George said they've very sophisticated over there so they had no problem. Howard asked if they get into their swim trunks and go out to the shore. George said they had a pool at the hotel. He said he wore boxer trunks for that. He said Brad likes to keep his t-shirt on. He said that he's substantial so he keeps his shirt on. George said someone over there said that Brad wasn't as fat as he makes him out to be on the show.
Howard asked if they sit by the pool for hours. George said they sit and drink by the pool. He said they also discovered some things over there. Robin and Howard were having trouble understanding what he was saying. George said that they're really illiterate Americans.
George said that Brad has problems with other languages. He said that Brad can't get it down right and he will say ''Mercy'' instead of Merci when they're in France.
Howard asked George about drinking this Campari drink that he's talking about. He said they drink and get buzzed and then what. George said they get buzzed and go to the hotel room. Howard asked if Brad blows him more when they're on vacation. George said they may have a slow dance in bed when they go back to the hotel room. He said they don't wrestle. He said they were more relaxed on vacation. He said they get dressed and walk around over there. George said that the places over there are very charming. He said it's more romantic there. Howard said that they must want to do things more over there. George said ''oh yes.'' He said they went to Pompeii and he recited from Julius Caesar there. He said that there were a few people there when he did it.
Howard asked George how often they had sex. George said that they made love almost every night over there. He said that they were doing it more than once a week. Howard asked if he asked Brad why they can't maintain that at home. George said they have schedules at home and Brad is very schedule oriented.
George said that he is very grateful that he's there to share this moment with Howard there. He said that he got up this morning and he was jet lagged from being over in Italy.
Howard said he got up at 4 this morning and figured that George had a hard time getting up. George said he was wide awake. Howard said people don't realize how old George is. George said he tries to maintain himself so they can go out and do these trips. He said he had problems with his feet but he sits down periodically. He said he likes going up and down the steps over there so he can work out his thigh muscles. Howard said he has the weirdest feet you've ever seen. George said that he used to run marathons with those feet. Howard asked what he does if he can't work out anymore. George said he can lift wights and things. Howard said George is going to be sitting in all week.
Howard said he has never seen anything so boring in his life. He said that Modern Family was winning almost every award. He said that the guy in the show is from ''Married With Children.'' He said he was watching the show and this woman from Glee was hosting. He said her name is Jane Lynch. Howard said he must be out of it. He said that he doesn't get it and had no idea who she was. He said she's not funny. Howard said that they started out with that opening number and they had Leonard Nimoy in the opening. Howard said that Alec Baldwin was supposed to be in it but he made a joke about FOX hacking so they took it out and Alec backed out of the whole thing. Howard said that he defies anyone to sit through that awful bit they did. Howard said he's not sure why Leonard did the opening. He said that he just walks in and does the bit.
Howard said that his point is that they hired this woman to host the Emmy's and he fast forwarded through the first 10-15 minutes. He said her monologue was safe and boring and ass kissy. He said that the show is supposed to be showing how great TV is but it was horrible.
Howard said Julie Bowen got up with a dress showing her titties. He said that it was working for him. He said she might be getting too thin. He said that some women are getting too muscular. He said her titties are small but you can see the side of the titty and he loves that. Howard said they have beautiful women on that show. Howard said they were doing one bit after another and they were all bad.
Howard had an example of the bad presenters. He said this is so great. Howard said he was very happy for Peter Dinklage winning. He said that they make these presentations where the people read off the teleprompter and it's just awful. He said that the show is pathetic. Howard played a clip of Kerri Washington and Jason Omara coming out to announce a category. Howard said this is not entertaining at all. He said they have to have them say something so this is what happens. He played the clip and the two people were talking about the side effects of winning an Emmy. George was chuckling while that was playing. Howard said that they have the real William Shatner calling in this morning. George said ''Well what do you know...'' Howard said it's really him. George said he knows the meaning of ''real'' on this show. George figured that it was a bit they were going to do. Howard said it's really not a set up. George said if they got him in the studio he would believe it. He doesn't believe that this is really going to be him. Howard said it is going to be him for real. They have Tony Bennett coming in today too.
Howard got back to this awful clip he was playing. The two people were boring and reading and it was awful. Howard said they could have put some effort into it. Robin said they make really funny people unfunny. She said David Spade was unfunny and he's a really funny guy. Howard said that the whole thing is bizarre. He said they have to find a formula that works. Howard said they want to come out on the Emmy's with something to say and the people who are reading it act like they're reading it. He said they read it so the show that they're reading. He said they're like third graders.
Howard played some of Julie Bowen's speech and talked about how good her titties looked. Howard said he wondered if David Spade regrets not marrying her because he came close to doing that.
Howard said JD heard a weird tone in the show. He played an example but Howard said he didn't detect it. Robin could hear it.
Howard said Charlie Sheen came out and acted very normal. He was wishing everyone well over at Two and a Half Men. George said he must have been acting.
Howard said Scott DePace's wife won for working on the Daily Show. Howard asked Scott if he was out there. Scott was still out there so he wasn't in this morning. Mike Gange was directing the show today. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he had William Shatner on the phone. George Takei is sitting in and they really didn't plan this. Howard said that George doesn't even think this is the real William Shatner. George said that Bill is very good and he'll play along. Howard kept saying that it was really him. Howard said it's really him and George said he'd play along.
Howard said he's reading about how Bill is promoting a new record album. He has covered ''Rocket Man'' again. Bill said that he has done it differently and there are a wide selection of songs on this album. Howard asked why he did ''Rocket Man'' again. Bill said that there are many others on the album. He said he had a lot of people sing with him too.
Bill said he has a new book coming out called ''Shatner Rules'' too. He kept saying that these things were ''dropping'' so Howard asked where he learned to say that they drop. Bill didn't answer seriously.
Howard asked Bill about a story in the Toronto Sun saying that he made $600 million when he took payment in stock from Priceline.com. Bill said they did pay him in stock but then there was a bubble that crashed. He said that the stuck came out at a dollar and went to hundreds of dollars but then the bubble burst and the stock was worth pennies. He said that the stock was gone when it was at pennies but now the stock is worth hundreds of dollars. He said they still pay him for doing the commercials.
George said that you buy low and sell high. Bill asked them to put a foot in his mouth. Bill said he loves that guy. George said they get along just fine.
George asked Bill if he ran into him last night. Bill said he did not but George said that he did out in Las Vegas. George said they were like ships in the night and they just said hello. Bill said he was out filming a documentary out there for five days and he thinks that it will be another wonderful film. He said he was paying attention to nobody. He said he really doesn't remember running into George and that's the real Bill saying that. Howard said he loves this feud that they have. Bill said he doesn't have a feud. He said that George is the one who has a feud with him.
George said that Bill was the one who said hello to him at the convention. He said he had a bunch of people around him from the convention and Bill was the one who said hello.
Howard asked Bill if he gets $75 from fans for an autograph. Bill said that's a cheap thing that people do and he doesn't do that. Robin said that was in an ad they were reading. Bill said he can't control those ads. Bill said he doesn't do that.
George said that the charges for autographs are from the convention runners. He said that they get the money and they pay them to show up. Howard said that Bill must have a lot of money and he must not have to work.
Bill said he thought Howard was doing 5 shows a day and he must want to relax. Howard said he's only working 3 days. He said that he rests on the other two days.
Bill kept plugging his album, ''Seeking Major Tom,'' and his book ''Shatner Rules: Your Guide to Understanding the Shatnerverse and the World at Large'' so Howard helped him out with that. He gave him a couple of plugs.
Howard said that he should come in and sign for them when he's in town. Bill said he will be in New York doing promotion so maybe he'll do that. Howard told Bill about what George and Brad had been up to last week. Bill said that he wasn't invited to the wedding. George said he was invited and he made a big deal out of it.
Howard asked George if he would ever make love to Bill. George said that he loves Bill but Bill thinks that he has a psychosis. Bill said you can love a person with a psychosis.
Howard asked what happened with ''S*%T My Dad Says'' show. Bill said he's not sure. He said that they had 11 million people watching that show. He said he thinks it had something to do with Two and a Half Men. Howard said that you never let go of a TV show and you know how difficult it is. He asked if he wants to shake Charlie Sheen. Bill said he thinks a lot of people wanted to shake him. He said he's a personable guy. He said there's a crazy intelligence there and even when he was on his tirades he was having fun and coining phrases. He said he was there for 8 years so he must have some money. Howard said he should count his blessings though and should stick with it. Howard asked about doing the roast for Charlie and if he read the jokes that were written for him. Bill said that's essentially what happens.
Howard said he heard that Bill's dogs were poisoned while he was on vacation. Bill said that his help had put down poison to kill some snails and the dogs ate it. The dogs are fine now though. He said they were in the hospital for a while but they're fine. He said it was a horrible experience though.
Howard said he didn't know that Sandra Bullock and Jesse James were close to Bill. Bill said he was at their wedding. He said that both of them are very close friends. He said he did two movies with Sandra. He said that he didn't know Jesse all that well. Bill said that Howard must know what it's like to be in someone else's motorcycle boots. Bill said that he's not sure what Sandra was thinking but she was deeply in love with him and he must have been with her too.
Howard asked Bill if he feels a deep connection to the songs that he did for this new album. Bill said that he was thinking about Major Tom when he did this album and that's why he covered the songs he did.
Howard asked if he really set fire to his principal's car in high school. Bill said he did and the whole story is in the book. He said the book drops on October 4th.
Howard told Bill about what Brad and George do sexually once a week. Bill said that's good and it must be good for his prostate. Howard asked Bill if he's making love as much now as he used to. Bill said he does and he's more passionate now than he was in the past. Howard said he makes love to his wife often too.
Howard asked Bill why he burned his principal's car. Bill said that the guy used to strap his hands when he'd do something wrong. He said he and his friends wanted revenge. He said the cops never knew he did it. He said that he really thinks that they lit a little fire that never even caught.
Howard gave Bill some plugs for his book and Bill said that the book is about the power of saying ''yes.'' He said that he was told years ago not to do the Howard Stern Show but he did say yes and he's glad he did. He said that many things have happened by saying yes. Bill said that the book is funny and he gives his philosophy in the book.
Bill kept saying that he didn't get an invite to George's wedding but George said that he did get one and it's a blatant falsehood saying that he didn't get one. Howard said he likes this feud and he likes that they have something going on that's not so perfect. George said they're human. He said there is no perfection.
Bill said that he thinks George will like this book and CD. Howard said he hopes that Bill will come in and visit when he's in town. Bill said he will be in town so he will come in.
Howard said he's interested in his philosophy. Bill said he can't wait to see Howard and George when he's there in October. George said that he thinks that this is the real, genuine Bill.
Gary came in and told Howard to ask about the Schwarzenegger story. Howard said he heard about this breakfast he was having and how Bill went up to say hello to Arnold. Howard said Arnold blew him off and treated him like shit. Howard said he read this all over. Bill said that was a true story. Howard said that Arnold asked who it was and Arnold had no idea who he was even after the explanation. George said he knows Arnold and he's had many conversations with him. Howard asked Bill what the truth is about that story.
Bill said that the area is an area he used to take his kids to. He said his grandchildren now go to this same place and it was magical. He said they were eating and over at the next table was Arnold and his family. He said that after they ate he dropped over and said hello. He said Arnold vaguely recognized him and shook his hand. He went his separate way and he's not sure how Howard knows the story. Bill said that Arnold was at the table with his son but there were guys there carrying food to his table. He said that's all that took place. Howard said this story was in the newspaper. Howard asked Gary where it was that they read it. Gary said they got it from a kid who was at the next table. The kid blogged it. Howard said it sounded very awkward. Bill said it really wasn't that awkward. Howard said it sounded very weird to him.
Howard said he went out once and saw Heath Ledger with his wife out at dinner one night. Howard said he went up and said hello to Heath and kind of got blown off by them. Howard said he wanted to show off to Beth and when he walked over Heath shot him a look that made him feel like the biggest jerk off. He said he must have looked like such a tool. Howard said he will never do it again.
Bill said that this took place in like 5 seconds so he's shocked that Howard found out about it. Bill said that he went on his way and he didn't think that he was even with anyone. Bill said when he was in his car with his wife he told her about what happened. He said that's the only verbal explanation that happened. He said he doesn't want to leave his hotel room now that he knows these stories get out.
Howard said that you expect that someone in show business is going to give you a conversation and when you don't get it then you're shocked. Howard said he doesn't go up to anyone when he's at a party. He said he saw Rod Stewart and his wife at a party once and Rod told someone to have him come over to meet with him. Howard said if he wants to meet him he can come over to him. Howard said that happened with Britney Spears too. He said he stays to himself and doesn't bother anyone.
Bill said that he didn't give a shit if Arnold recognized him or not. Howard said that he could be considered a nudge. Howard asked Bill if his fans should walk up to him when they see him out. Bill said that you just say yes to opportunity. He said that he got an honorary degree from some school and he was encouraging the kids to take their own path. He said that he makes an ass out of himself all the time and they shouldn't be afraid to do something. He said you have to take chances.
Bill got in some more plugs for his book, album, one man show and a few other things. Bill said that the one man show is basically his life told in anecdotes. He said he talks about George all the time. George asked if they could make it a two man show. Bill said that would be suspect if it were a two man show.
Howard wrapped up with Bill and let him go a short time later. George said a few nice words to him as he was saying goodbye.
Robin said that Leonard Nimoy mentioned that he's not going to do anymore conventions. Bill isn't going to give that up. George said that if he's getting $95 per autograph of course he's not going to give it up. George talked about what it's like there at the conventions where people get a personal experience with people like them. George said he charges thousands himself. Howard said it's all fantastic.
George said that this was the real Bill Shatner but he knows that they'll pull his leg and they shouldn't expect to get away with that again. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard played another one where the announcer was making jokes as Peter Dinklage was going up to accept. Howard said he had to congratulate Eric the Midget on that win. He had Eric on the phone. Howard picked up and called him ''Eric the Midget.'' Eric said he doesn't like that he calls him that. He said he thought he'd learn.
Eric said 9 years ago today was his first call to the show. Eric said he can find the information on the internet. He said it's on YouTube and Wikipedia and a lot of different web sites. Howard congratulated him on that.
Howard said Eric had a long tirade on their voice mail about Kelly Clarkson and the comments they made about her weight. Howard said Eric took an IQ test and he had a 90 IQ. He said that he realized that he's arguing with a guy who is limited. Eric said that's much lower than his real IQ. Robin asked how many women he's had sex with, within 3. Eric said it's 5.
Howard said there were certain skills Eric needed for the IQ test and it was hard to do it with the handicaps Eric has. Howard asked if that's why he thinks that his IQ was too low. Eric said he was doing well until a certain point.
Howard said this girl, Kelly Clarkson, has turned into someone who doesn't care about her appearance. Howard said it's not all about looks but it helps when you care about your appearance. Howard said he doesn't think she cares. Howard said her hits aren't coming anymore so she doesn't care.
Howard said Eric left a two part voice mail about that but he doesn't have time to play it. He has other things to get to. Howard let Eric go after that.
Howard asked if Tony Bennett was there yet. Gary said he was just signing in. Howard said he should take a break then.
Howard said he'd take some calls first though. Howard took one from a guy who asked if he had seen the Scarlett Johansson nude pics that were leaked. Howard said he did see them quickly but they were taken down very quickly too. The caller said he heard they were sent to her boyfriend and someone hacked into a phone to get them. Howard said he's not sure why they don't delete them from their phone. Howard said there's nothing to be embarrassed by. He said he looked at them and said they're nice but who cares? He said that he didn't remember it until this caller brought it up.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Brad would be upset if he found out that he thinks about other celebrities when he's masturbating. George said he might be. He said he does think about other guys. George said he didn't want to say who they were. He didn't want to upset anyone. George said he was thinking about Jason Ellis after seeing him in there. Howard said that's good for him. George said he did have that tactile experience in there. He said he has to go home after this and Howard can really ruin things.
Gary asked if he has ever done it to anybody on the show. George said ''What?'' and laughed. George said no to that and said that he didn't want to be set up there. Howard asked if he has ever beat off to Will. George laughed. He said he hasn't said a thing. George didn't say if he actually had. Jared was another name that came up. George laughed again. Howard asked if there's anyone he doesn't masturbate too. George laughed and Howard went to break. George thanked him for ending that conversation.
Howard came back and said that Tony Bennett is there and he has a new album out where he does duets with various people. That album is ''Duets II.''
Tony came in and Howard said that they had his album playing. He asked if he recognized himself. Tony said he knows that's him. He said he hears his own voice when he records these songs. Howard asked if he listens at home. Tony said no.
Howard introduced Tony to George Takei and asked if he wanted to take a seat. Tony said he'd prefer to stand since he just got up.
Howard said Tony was in World War II and he couldn't stand seeing what he saw. Tony said he's anti-war. He said that's the worst form of human behavior. He said life is a gift and you should enjoy it. He said to be alive is the best thing that could ever happen. He said he was drafted into the war.
Howard asked Tony about this war and how his life was interrupted. Tony said he didn't look at it like that. He said the war was horrible but it was a really terrible thing. Howard asked if he was scared. Tony said of course they were. He said that everyone was scared.
Howard said that Tony's captain hated that he was friendly with a black guy. Tony said he was in the army for just a couple of years. He said it was toward the end of the war. He said that the guy was the greatest guy and he was a good friend. He said they were in high school together and they saw each other in Germany. Tony said that he ended up getting put on a grave digging duty because he had a black friend. He said that whole thing took away all of the bigotry in his life.
Tony said that he got pulled out of that and put in another thing where he was the librarian for an orchestra. He said that was in Germany and once a week they'd perform there and get broadcast all over Europe. He said he got out on the GI Bill of Rights. Howard asked if he was traumatized from the war. Tony said they had gone in and liberated some of the concentration camps and it was horrible. Tony said the first time he saw a dead German was when he became a pacifist. He said he looked down while he was on a truck and he saw a dead cow, a downed tree and a dead German. He said that's a nightmare that's permanent. He said this is not life, it's death.
Howard said he remembers guys like George Bush who backed off the invasion of Iraq because he knew what wear was. He said that other guys don't know war so they start wars. Howard asked if he ever killed anyone. Tony said he never did and he never will. He said there was only one soldier who loved to kill. He said the guy was a murderer. The other soldiers wanted to end the war and that guy wanted to go out and kill. Howard said you need guys like that in war though. Tony said they should melt every weapon on the planet. He said it's the lowest form of human behavior. He said it's a gift to be alive.
Howard asked about how he started his music career. Tony said he did get into it after the war. He said his father was a great singer in Italy and he used to sing to the whole valley.
Howard asked if people ever thought it was kind of girly to sing. Tony said that Frank Sinatra wasn't girly. He said that they were all saloon singers and they took requests. He said they'd get $15 a week when they started out. Howard said kids today want to be instant stars. Tony is saying you have to work at it.
Tony said what he likes about the new artists is that they're prepared. They come in ready to go. Howard asked if Lady Gaga was dressed provocatively. Tony said that the dress she wore was gorgeous. He said the next day she was dressed in checkerboard. He said she was very original and creative and she reminds him of Howard. Howard said that he thought she was fantastic when she came in and performed for them.
Howard played some of what Tony did with Lady Gaga on this new album of his. He played some of the song he performed with Lady Gaga from ''>Duets II.'' They played ''The Lady Is A Tramp.''
Howard asked Tony if he still gets aroused at his age. Tony said he's getting very personal. Howard said that he knows he's done it all. He said he knows about him. George is 74 and he still gets it up and masturbates. Howard said he just did it last night. Howard said he's like a jack rabbit. Tony laughed. Howard said that he hopes that he still gets it up at 85. Tony said that he still gets those urges and he hopes Howard is like that at his age.
Howard asked Tony about working with Amy Winehouse and how it worked out. Tony said that she was kind of apprehensive when she started working with him. He said that she had to get into it and relax to make it just right. He said that there is no such thing as a bad audience either. He said that there are bad performances and good performances. Tony said he had done the song with Amy and then a month later she was gone. He said it was a great loss.
Tony said Amy died at 27 but her family said that she did what she wanted to do. Howard said he could see the sadness in his eyes. Howard said it was a loss of a great talent. Tony said they're doing a TV show about his 85th birthday and he wanted Amy to be on the show. He wanted to sit down with her and tell her that he took a left when he was coming up. He said that he knew Lenny Bruce's manager and he told him that Lenny had sinned against his talent. He said that turned him around and he got out of all of that stuff. He said he was doing coke and he just stopped . Tony said that happened to everyone. He said that the country fell apart and a lot of people fell into that.
Tony said this war in Iraq was a bad thing. Howard asked what they're supposed to do about the terrorists. Tony said they have to melt down every weapon and make them illegal. Howard said he's into eliminating airplanes too. He said if they put a stop to those then they can't attack anyone.
Howard said Tony is right about war but you can't just get rid of all weapons. Tony said that the terrorists attacked because we were bombing them and that was their way of getting us to stop. Howard said that he was making a lot of sense today.
Howard asked Tony about how he stopped with the drugs. Tony said he thought he was doing great and he wasn't. He said Sinatra told him he had to slow down. Tony said he was very stand offish with him and he was never part of the Rat Pack but he's okay with that. He said that Frank said in an interview that he was his favorite singer though so that got him a lot of Frank's fans. He said he's been sold out ever since Frank said that.
He said Frank told him to slow down with the drugs and that got him to slow down. Howard asked which broads he banged. Tony said he's not giving any names. Howard said that he wants to know if it's better to be with famous chicks. Tony wasn't saying. Howard asked if he ever had Marilyn Monroe. Tony said he never did. Howard asked if he could get two women at once. Tony told Howard that they were very naughty out in Las Vegas. He said that one guy asked someone to spy on him and another guy and then tell the press that they were doing the same thing as they were.
Howard said he must have had a lot of broads. He said he must have had 2 and 3 women in bed. Tony was silent. Howard said he thinks he just left. Howard said it must have been a great time. Tony said he's having a better time right now. Tony said that's what everyone should learn. Howard said you don't have much time on the planet so you have to enjoy it.
Howard was going to play some of the song Tony did with Amy Winehouse. The song was ''Body and Soul.'' Tony said that he picked the song to do with her. He said she looked beautiful when they did that recording session. He said that she was religious and she kissed her Jewish star that day. Tony said he wanted to tell her to slow down like Frank said to him. He said he regrets that he didn't get to tell her to slow down. Howard said Tony is a good guy and he's a man of compassion.
Howard said he heard that Tony got his name from Bob Hope. Tony said he was Joe Barry and Bob Hope gave him the name Tony Bennett. It was closer to his real name.
Howard said he heard that he's been painting and he has sold some of his stuff. Tony said that he has a couple in the Smithsonian. Howard said painting isn't easy. He said he can't even make the color blue so he had to give up. Tony said he's taken up sculpting too. Howard said he would pose for him nude if he wanted.
Howard played the Amy Winehouse and Tony Bennett song. Howard said George was back there kissing Benjy hearing this song. Howard said Amy sounds like a black woman.
Howard said he heard that Tony threw up when his record company wanted him to do a rock album. Tony said he did and he just wasn't at that point. Tony said that they told the press that his career had gone down since he left them. He said that he thinks it actually went up. He said that he left Columbia for 2 and a half years and his son saved his whole career. He said that his son told him that he'd handle the business part and he should just sing and paint whatever he wanted. Tony said his son made his life all that much better.
Howard read some of the names of the people what Tony sang with on this new album. He has people like KD Lange, Aretha Franklin, Sheryl Crow, Willie Nelson, Queen Latifah, John Mayer, Mariah Carey and many others. They spent a little time talking about some of the performers.
Tony claims that George W. Bush pulled him to the side and said that he made a mistake with the war. Robin said he hasn't said that publicly. Howard said that's some mistake to make. He said it's unbelievable that he would admit to that. Maybe he was referring to his marriage or something.
Howard asked Tony what the best part of his life has been. Tony said he has a great family. Howard asked what in his career has been huge. Tony said when Frank Sinatra said that he was his favorite singer was the best thing in his career.
Howard asked Tony if he's a religious guy. Tony said he believes in nature. He said nature is god. Robin said she just looked it up and Robert Redford and Tina Turner were honored the same night Tony was at that show he talked to Bush at.
Howard said it's fantastic that Tony has this new album out. He said that he's shown the record company that he knows what he's doing. Howard said that his career spans how many years? Tony said he started in 1950. Howard said he was just a dream in his father's nut sack at that point. Howard said that Tony has the longevity. Tony said that his idols were Jack Benny and George Burns. He said that they said that you never retire. You just keep going. Howard said he wants to retire and stare at the wall. Tony said he loves working. Howard said he's an inspiration and he will take the CD and make love to his wife. Tony told him to do one for him. Howard asked how old his wife is. Tony said that she's a beautiful young lady. Howard said he has a younger wife too. He asked if he's ever worried that he can't satisfy her. Tony said they just love one another and things are great.
Howard asked Tony who he hangs out with. Tony said he hangs with Herb Seagal. Howard had no idea who he was. Howard wrapped up and gave Tony some more plugs for his album.
George said that he is awed and inspired by this man. He said that he was told by an actor that George Burns was doing a big show when he turned 100. He said Tony should plan to do shows all over the world when he's 100. Howard said if he keeps going on with this story then Tony will be 100 before it's over. Howard said it was an honor to have Mr. Bennett there today. He said he's welcome anytime. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and had George Takei do a quick announce. George read his lines and talked about Ronnie the Limo Driver having two TV shows in the works. George was goofing on Ronnie about that in the announce. They also played a George Takei ''Big Black Wang'' song parody.
George asked what shows Ronnie was up for. Howard said one is a sitcom and one is a show that would be Ronnie's show. Howard said that Ronnie may be in the next Star Trek movie too. George said he would make a good alien.
Howard said Ronnie didn't do the hot chick of the week during the week if 9/11. Howard said he had a list of his tweets from that week. Ronnie said he did have a hot chick of the week but he told her not to get naked on 9/11. He said it was just that day though.
Howard read some of Ronnie's tweets from 9/11. He did ask the girl not to get nude. Howard said he got a weird email from a fan who was at Ronnie's cook out. The guy said he heard that Ronnie asked to go shopping with Rachel Fine to pick out her wedding dress. Ronnie said they were drunk but he's going to go out with her shopping. He said they may bring some girls along. Ronnie said she's his buddy and it's fun to go out and watch that stuff.
Howard told George that Ronnie was on Inside the Actor's Studio too. He played a bit that Sal and Richard put together using Ronnie clips in an Inside the Actor's Studio clip.
Ronnie told Howard about how the NY Post had the headline of ''TOPLESS'' in the paper over the weekend. He said he knows they stole that from him.
Howard said he called to find out how she was doing and she was in remission. Howard said she told him how well she was doing and how great it was to be back at work. He said he tried asking how she was but it was kind of awkward and she just said she was fine. Howard said he's glad he called to see how she was doing. Howard said he told her he cared about how she was doing. He was very sad to read that she had died. Howard said he was upset and he was thinking that Fred wouldn't want to come in. Fred said he hardly knew her. Robin said that the last thing you want to do is bury a child. Her father is still around.
Howard said he thought she was a healthy person and then boom, she gets brain cancer. She died at 51. Robin said she was diagnosed in 2005 with the brain cancer.
Robin said that Eleanor was romantically linked to a few guys like Arnold Schwarzenegger and some others. Howard said he didn't know about some of the people that she mentioned. Robin said she married this husband of her's in 2005, right around the time of her brain cancer.
Howard said that he didn't get to say goodbye to Tony today. He said that George and Robin were both talking to him. George said he was such a fan of his and it's been great meeting people there on the show. George said he was an extraordinary human being. He said he shares the same philosophy with Tony about the weapons. Howard said that he heard him lecturing him on Buddhism. George said he was just comparing his philosophy to Buddhism.
Howard said he has to masturbate once in a while. He's a man. He said he whacked off to baby sitter porn just last night. Howard told George about the porn he watched and how this one was about a wife who accused her husband of fucking the baby sitter and called her a whore. Then she told her to suck her husband's cock right now. Howard said that she forced her to do that and she forces her head onto her husband and then the wife gets in on it. Howard said he was as hard as a rock seeing that. Howard said he fast forwarded through some of that and went back and forth trying to find the fucking part. He said it's hard to do on the iPad. He said he finally cued up and the wife sits on the husband's penis and tells the baby sitter to rub her clit. Howard said he got to that point and finished. Then he got disgusted and went to watch the Emmy's and got even more disgusted.
Howard asked Jon if he enjoyed the Emmy's. Jon said no and said that it was horrible TV even though it was supposed to be honoring great TV. Howard said they were trying to be cutesy and it was just bad.
Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show. They talked about Tony Bennett and how he was standing throughout the whole interview. Jon ran down the other subjects he had for today's show.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to talk to him and Robin. She said she hasn't had sex or masturbated in 2 years. Howard said she's like Jon Hein. She said she's not married and she has no desire. Howard said that sounds like most women. Robin said she has gone for a long time with no sex but not without masturbation. The caller said she's only 36. Howard said she should go to the doctor and get a physical. Howard said he thinks it's odd. The caller said that her fiancee died about 3 years ago. Howard said maybe that had something to do with it. the caller said she does want to be in a relationship. Howard said sex is very important to a guy. He said that you have to do that and you have to touch and kiss them. He said you can't just lay there. He said a guy will be a slave for you if you do that. Howard asked if she's heavy set and if she's good looking. She said she's not heavy and she is good looking. Howard told her to just get going then. She said that she's just really down. Howard told her to go to a doctor and get checked out then.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who said he'd do that girl. He said he hasn't gotten laid in 2 years either. He asked Howard if Beth passed away, and her best friend hit on him, would he do her. Howard said ''sure!'' Howard said she has some very beautiful friends. Howard said if she goes then he'd have to start dating. Robin said she knows who Howard is going out with if she goes. She knew exactly which one it was. Howard wanted to know which one she was thinking about. Robin said that she won't say. Howard told her to just say it. Robin said it would be Jill. Howard said if she needs to console him then she needs to console him. Howard said you have to go on after a death. Speech asked if he could have a dating game for him. Howard said he'd have to talk to him later about that.
Robin read about how Sinead O'Connor has said that she's not going to be killing herself. Robin said she posted some tweets about wanting to go to heaven so bad and how she didn't want to ruin her kid's lives by doing that. Robin read some details about what she's been saying lately. Howard said she's a genuine whacko. He said she's gained a lot of weight and she's soliciting dates. Robin said she has posted that she needs a man and she doesn't want any stamp collectors or any ''Nigels.'' They had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 9:45am, Howard came back and had George do another announce. George said he was going to say that Dr. Keith is an asshole. He talked about his moronic comments about Chaz Bono. George said it's not like anyone ever watched Star Trek and wanted to be a homosexual flying through space... but then said that maybe that is what happened to Ralph Cirella.
Howard asked George if he retains all of the lines he's said over the years. George said he's reminded of many of the lines that he has said. He said they will repeat them to him at conventions. Howard asked if he's ever worked with actors who forget their lines a lot. George said that it happens and the director will work with the people. He said that Bill Shatner used to improvise when he'd forget his lines. He said he pulls it off though. He said Bill pulls off a lot. George said that he would do things like rip off his shirt and they were things that weren't scripted. He said that there was a scene in Galaxy Quest that was like a documentary for them. Howard said Bill wouldn't remember it if he asked about it.
Howard asked George about working with John Wayne and what that was like. George said that he made up lines for other people on the set. He said that they learned how to improvise and he would help them. He said John was like another director on the set. Howard said he didn't know that Bill was ripping his shirt off back then. He remembered the episode where he was fighting that reptile thing and he had his shirt off. He said that he didn't look all that ripped back then. Howard said he must be like 80 years old now. George said he is 80 and he's very energetic. Howard said Leonard looks his age. He's got those big, fake teeth and he should age them better. George said that he used to smoke a lot so that may have taken a toll. He said there was a point when it looked like he had Soviet dentistry. That made Howard laugh.
Howard asked who George things will be the last remaining cast member. George said he's the youngest so maybe him. He said Walter Koenig isn't in great shape. Howard said that he's still upset about the death of his son. Howard asked how Nichele Nichols is. George said she's an elegant lady. Howard said he thinks Nimoy will be the next one to go. Robin said that's not right. George said that he had dinner with Deforest Kelly a while back. He said that they had dinner one night and he started speculating who would go next. He thought that George was the youngest and he'd go next. It turns out Deforest was next.
George told Howard about seeing Aldo Ray at a party and how he rattled off the names of the people who were in The Green Berets and there were a lot who were gone. George said that Aldo greeted him by saying ''George! Thank god you're alive!''
Howard said Bill Shatner may stick around for a long time. Howard said bill doesn't want George to out live him. Howard asked if he thinks that Nimoy or Chekhov will go next. George didn't get a chance to say.
Robin said that a sperm bank has stopped accepting sperm from red headed men. Robin said the demand is very low for red heads. Howard said for the most part red heads are not attractive people. Robin said that Angie Everhart is a red head and she's gorgeous. He said that there aren't many. He tried to think of others. Howard said Lindsay Lohan was a red head but she has many freckles. Robin said that Cynthia Nixon is a red head. Howard didn't sound impressed. He said most people don't want red heads. George said he couldn't think of an attractive male red head. Howard said Ron Howard was a good looking guy. Fred asked if anyone mentioned Angie Everhart. Howard said he just did. He also said that Ronald McDonald and Bozo were red heads. Robin said the most popular is brown hair and brown eyes. Howard said he figured it would be brown hair and blue eyes like he has.
Robin read about how Dominique Strauss-Kahn has stated talking about the incident he had in New York City. All of the charges have been dropped. Robin said that he has said there was sex but no violence in the room.
Robin read about how Charlie Sheen was roasted and that will air tonight on Comedy Central. Robin had some audio clips from the special. She had some of what William Shatner said to Charlie. Howard got a few laughs out of those jokes. Robin said she had some other clips to play. Howard played some of those and said that it sounds good. Then he played a clip of Mike Tyson doing a rap. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read some Emmy news. She had some clips for Howard to play. She had Charlie Sheen offering his best wishes to the people at Two and a Half Men. Howard said he thinks that someone made him do that so he can get some work. Robin said that Jane Lynch was the host of the Emmy's and she said hosting wasn't easy. She had some audio of her talking about that during the show. Howard said she sounds very much like Ellen. Howard said that was some revelation.
Robin said that it's U.N. week there in the city. Robin said the President is arriving today. Howard said that means you don't go to the east side of Manhattan today because traffic will be fucked. Robin said that it's going to be very busy all around the city. Robin said the new tolls are in effect now and it costs $12 to get into the city now.
Robin had some audio of Bill Clinton talking about a few things and he thinks that Obama has a chance of being reelected. Robin said not many people are saying that.
Robin had some audio of some people talking about Rick Perry going out and campaigning.
Robin had a story about Dick Cheney pushing his new book. She said that he was pushing for Bush to pardon Scooter Libby. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin said there was an air show in Reno, Nevada and a plane crashed. Howard said that he's not sure who goes to these things. Robin said 9 people died when a plane went down on Friday. It narrowly avoided the packed grandstands. Robin said that there was clearly something wrong with the plane according to some eyewitnesses. Howard said he doesn't know who the hell would want to see a bunch of planes flying around. He said he's all for transportation but not for shows like this. Howard said we have a fuel crisis and they're wasting fuel flying around. Robin said the pilot of the plane was 74 years old. Robin said the cause of the crash has yet to be determined. She said that the guy spared some people by avoiding the packed grandstands. She had audio of a guy talking about that. Howard said you have to have a lot of free time to go out and make that a priority in your life.
Robin read about the number one movie at the box office. It was the 3-D version of The Lion King. She said the movie ''The Warrior'' is really good and she's not sure why it's not doing better. Howard said he saw it and liked it. Robin said it's not getting a lot of interest at the box office but it was really good. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon said that Eric the Midget also called in to talk about his 9th anniversary of being on the show even though he hates calling into the show. Jon mentioned a bunch of other things that they'll be talking about today on the show.
Jon asked Mike Gange why he said ''Gange'' is directing the show today. Gange said that he didn't think Howard would recognize his voice. Gary said that's like High Pitch calling in and saying ''Hi this is High Pitch.'' Gange said he didn't think it was that recognizable and he thought Howard sounded confused so he wanted to make sure he knew.
Gange said that he isn't always the first choice for director. He said that if they had a bunch of things going on in the studio then they might get someone else to do it. He said that the William Shatner thing is kind of difficult but they were able to do it.
Benjy asked who is higher up, Gange or Scott DePace. Gary said Scott is Gange's boss so he's higher up. Jon said he thought that Gange was Doug's second and Scott worked for In Demand so he was maybe equal. Gary said that DePace would give you the feeling that he's higher up. Gange said he thinks that technically he's higher than Scott but they might be close to being equals. Gary said he was surprised that Scott didn't get any crap for not being there today. He said Fred is more important to the radio show than Scott is. He said that it is interesting that he gets to go out to the Emmy's like that. Gange said he didn't go for a couple of years but now he's back to going.
Gange said they didn't miss anything today so it was seamless without him there. Gary asked what would happen if things were just fine for a full week. Gange said he'd be upset. He said that Scott is needed there though. He said he thinks that they did a good job today.
The guys talked about how tough it is to cover Tony Bennett when he's standing right next to Howard. Gary said that he tried to get him to sit but he wanted to stand.
Gary said that Chloris Leachman came in and sat on Howard's console the whole time. She was sitting there like a sexy pin up from the 40s.
Gange said George looked like he was in love with Tony during that interview. He said he kept cutting to him because of that.
Jon asked if there is anyone that George doesn't love. Gary said it's only William Shatner. Gary said that those two were great today too. They were going back and forth and tweaking each other. Gary said that you can't find anyone else in the world to say they hate George but you can find plenty that don't like Shatner. Jon said you can hear the glee in Shatner's voice when he's going after George. Gary said he thinks that Shatner is the main guy and he tweaks George just being himself.
Gange asked Gary who he thinks will be the two in the future who will be going at each other. Gary said he used to think it would be Jackie and Robin. They went to break after that.
Jon said that Shatner has a lot of stuff going on. He has a book and a CD, a show and more. Will said that some of these older guys say that work keeps them alive and they seem to really believe it. He said that Shatner and Regis are a couple of those guys.
Jon asked about the story Howard read about Shatner running into Arnold Schwarzenegger and how he was kind of snubbed. Gary said they found that story on a blog and had no idea if it was true or not. He said they were hoping it would be an it turned out it was.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think Shatner was trying to end the feud today or was he just getting in his plugs. Jon said he thought that he was still trying to tweak George today. Gary said that they never really get out of hand. He said that Shatner won't let it get out of hand. He said he thinks that he's way above all of that.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Shatner is very passive aggressive with all of this. He said he thought that it was funny that they had all of the captains from Star Trek in this movie that was put out. He said that they had all of them except George. Gary said that Shatner would probably say he didn't know George was a captain. Gary said that Shatner used to come on and hawk calling cards and things like that and he's come a long way. Once he was on to promote a paint ball festival. Gary said in the mid to late 90s he had calling cards where he could chat with thousands of people at the same time.
Jon asked how the mood changes in the studio when George is there. Gary said that it puts him in a better mood. He said he's not sure how everyone else is though. Jon said that George turned bright red when he was asked about who he masturbates to there. Will's name came up and he turned red. Will said he'd like to know if he's ever masturbated to Benjy. Will said that he is the best looking guy on the show after all. Benjy said he was hoping his name would come up.
Benjy said that it's a big step to pick someone out to masturbate to. He said there's so much porn out there that you can't just pick one. Benjy said he thinks that it's a big honor to be picked if you actually are. Jon asked Will if he would want to know if he was doing that. Will said he wants to know.
Benjy asked Gary if he's ever been hit on by a gay guest on the show. Gary said he's been hit on by some guys but it could be brushed off as a fun thing. He said he's never had someone ask him to go into the bathroom to blow him. He said that hasn't happened with male or female guests.
Jon said George isn't on this show today and he thinks that Brad may have asked him not to come on. Gary said that he didn't know that. Benjy said that he may have asked him to stop with the masturbation stuff. They weren't sure if he was kidding or not. Will said that he thinks that Brad wouldn't listen to the show when George was on. Gary thought he did but Will said that he's said before that Brad doesn't listen when he's on. Gary didn't know. They had to go to break after that.
Jon moved on to talk about why George isn't in there. Shuli said that he spoke to George in the hall and he didn't want to come in and talk more about the masturbation thing so he didn't come in. Shuli said he did ask George if he would make love to Will or Jared if he was stuck on a desert island and George said that it would be both of them.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if George misses Artie being there. Gary said he thinks that George would miss anyone who left. The caller said he seems like such a wonderful soul and he adds so much to the show. Gary said he's been coming on quarterly since they started there and it's great. Gary said that George is so busy that they have to work around his schedule now. He said he thinks part of that is because of him being on this show that he's gotten so much work.
The guys talked about Tony Bennett and what he was talking about today. Gary and Jon talked about how Frank Sinatra said that Tony Bennett was his favorite singer in Life magazine. That was a huge thing for him back in those days when Life was a major magazine.
Gary said that Tony is great and he really likes his voice. He said he's a big thing in his house. Benjy was wondering if his story about what bush said about the war being a mistake was true. He said that he could have been referring to something else. Benjy said that Tony also said that we were bombing the terrorists and they bombed us back. He said that could turn into something really controversial.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he went to a Tony Bennett concert at the Mohegan Sun and he seems to be losing his voice. He said it gets weaker and weaker as the years go by. The caller said that the guy brings a lot of class to the stage though and that's why people go to see him. Gary said that Tony has a very distinct and unique voice.
Benjy said that he didn't think about the age difference when he was listening to his songs. Tony demands that they do those songs live together so they don't record them separately. Gary said that's the way Tony wants it done.
Jon said they have to talk about Ronnie and how he has these projects in development. Today he was claiming that the TOPLESS thing in the NY Post was because of him. Benjy said they should look into it and talk to the headline writer at the NY Post to find out if it's true.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Tony Bennett has to be nuts thinking that Bush leaned into him and said that it was a mistake going to war. He said that Bush isn't leaning into Tony Bennett and confiding in him. Benjy said that maybe Tony is losing his hearing and Bush actually said ''Do you want steak?''
Wendy the Retard called in and asked if there's any way he could talk to Howard about getting her some money. She said she can't get what she needs because she doesn't have any money. She started crying and saying that she can't get what she needs. Wendy said she owes money to the IRS. She said that's where she gets the money from. Gary asked if she has to pay taxes. Benjy said she probably gets some kind of return but she may have to pay it first. Benjy asked how much she needs. Gary asked what she needs that other people have. She said she doesn't have many clothes. Gary said that he'll try to get Howard to talk to her tomorrow. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking to George Takei who is sitting in all week. Howard said he went out to the Guggenheim with his daughter yesterday and that made him think of George. Howard said that he saw a display of a Japanese dude's. He said that his oldest daughter is the one who is into that stuff. He figured it would be fun and he actually did enjoy it.
George said that he and Brad went to the Guggenheim in Venice and he doesn't think Howard should go there. He said they have a sculpture of a man there on a horse and the horses head goes straight out and then you see the man's body and he's got an erection going straight out. Howard said his daughter is 28 so she'd be fine with that.
Howard said he's into photography now so he found it interesting to go there. George said Leonard Nimoy is into photography now too. Howard said someone asked him to shoot his head for his book and he's not sure he wants to do that. Howard said he's supposed to shoot every day but he only does it when he can. He said he doesn't want to do head shots.
George said it can develop into a fine art. He said Leonard had a bunch of obese women do a shoot and it was very minimalist art. He said that some African American women told him to be more inclusive so he did another shoot with them included. He said that they don't even appear nude because of the angles that he shoots them at. George suggested that Howard do something like that. Howard said he thinks he could come up with his own thing and not do something like that. Howard said he might shoot hot women instead. Howard said he's going to get naked, hot women and shoot that. He said that would be so awful.
Howard said that his comic books meant something to him and he can't imagine why someone would just throw them out. Howard said he was a kid and he enjoyed those things. Robin asked if a child's room is sacrosanct. Howard said he doesn't know what that word is but he assumes it means sacred. Howard said it is a sacred place and that room shouldn't be disturbed. His mother would just come in and throw things away. Howard said she had the wrong philosophy. He said it would be like him going into her room and throwing her jewelry out. Howard said his comic books were tied up in the basement not bothering anyone. He said they made him put them down there and then they handed them off to another guy.
Howard said his cousin Jack is the reason he had all of the comic books. Howard said he was living in a white community that was anti-Semitic. He said that he was in Rockville Centre and had just gotten out of the black community. He said he wasn't able to talk and he was taking a lot of drugs. He took a psychology class there and these kids would discuss their feelings and things. He said he didn't have any feelings. Howard said he was dead inside. He was a beaten man.
Howard said he was a mess in school. He was smoking pot and falling asleep in class and his grades showed that. He said that his parents never asked him if anything was wrong either. He said his mother was caught up with her own things and she didn't have time for his problems. Howard said he just didn't cause a problem and went his own way.
Howard said he got to this South Side Senior High School and he was in psychology class. He was flunking the class. He said the teacher pulled him aside one day and asked him what was wrong. He said he just told her he couldn't talk. He was told that he would flunk if he didn't speak. She told him that if he got an A on the final project she would pass him. Howard said that he was going to flunk if he didn't talk. He said that people from back then don't get how he can be so talkative now after knowing him back then. Howard said he had no idea how to relate to anyone. He was on drugs too. He said he was using all kinds of drugs. He said he knew a guy who sold drugs and this guy was a fat guy who would lay around nude. Howard said he would wear a straw sombrero and he was naked. Howard said it was disgusting.
George asked if that guy was the breakthrough guy for him. Howard said he was the drug dealer. Howard said he hasn't gotten to that point yet. Howard said he's actually doing a eulogy for Jack.
Howard said in the class he was told he would flunk so he had to graduate and get the fuck out of there. He said he hated the kids he went to school with. He said he had 5 guys in a car pool with him. He said they hated him and he was fine with that. He said they would get in the car with his mother and wouldn't even say good morning to her. Howard said he's not sure what kind of child is like that. He said they just had to say ''Good morning Mrs. Stern.'' He said they wouldn't even do that. Howard said his mother would complain to him about it later in the day. Howard said he couldn't say anything to her about it because she'd get upset.
Howard said that he was angry about a lot of things. He said that the kids were awful in the new neighborhood and they were worse at the old one. He said that he didn't know what to say in class either. He said he didn't have any idea what to say. He said he would have had to go to summer school if he didn't get out of his depression and pass that class.
Howard said his cousin Jack was a great painter and photographer and all of that. He said he was a hypochondriac like most artists. Howard said his aunt Shirley died in her 40s and said that Jack would out live all of them. He was at the psychiatrist and the doctor all the time. Howard said he was medicated all the time. Howard said Jack had a terrible childhood and he'd talk about it for hours. Howard said he thought about it and figured he'd interview Jack about his problems. Howard said his father had the recording studio so he could make them into a record album. Howard said he figured he'd make an album for class and he wouldn't have to talk. Howard figured that would solve all of his problems. Howard said Jack had verbal diarrhea and he loved talking about everything. Howard said he got him in a room and his manner of speech was great. He said he turned on his tape recorder and asked him if he had ever been to a psychiatrist. Two hours later he finished his answer. He said he brought it to his father's studio and his father made it into a record album. He said he put the record on the player in class and played it. He said his teacher called him up and told him he got an A. He said she had never heard a human being like that in her life.
Howard said that he was invisible to the teacher and she wanted to keep the record for future students. Howard said he said that was fine and now the album is gone. He said that he could have cared less at the time. He said Jack saved his life. He said he saved it many times but that whole thing was crucial. Howard said Jack would sit and tell him stuff about his shrink and he would talk to him like an adult.
Howard said Jack was a phenomenon in his life. He was show biz and scandalous. He said that he was married to his first cousin. He was a free spirit. Howard said the guy was bordering on genius. Robin said marrying your first cousin is odd.
Howard said he doesn't know if he could have talked to his mom about this stuff. Howard said his mom called him this week to tell him that Jack had passed away on Sunday night. He said he was sick all his life and died at 94 in his sleep. That's the way you're supposed to go. Howard said that Jack sent him some of his photography toward the end. He said that he lost his hearing toward the end. Howard said Jack wanted his email for his daughter so he asked what it was. Howard said he couldn't get it because he kept repeating it and Jack didn't get it. Howard said he told him he'd just mail it to him instead. Howard said his last conversation with his cousin, no one could hear anything. Howard said he was a big influence in his life though.
Howard said Jack used his art in commerce and he's fine with that. Howard said he never had his hand out. He said he compromised and that's fine. Howard said people would say to him in his career that people were selling their souls for the devil. Howard said that's what the radio guys would tell him about the sales department. Howard said that the radio guys wouldn't have a job without those sales people. Howard said it's a business and he'd play whatever he had to play back then. Howard said he worked with morons.
Howard said all of those people are out of work now. He said they're all artists and they're out of work. Howard said one woman would talk to the records. He said they found her naked and rubbing the records in a closet. Howard said he worked with a lot of nuts in his life.
Robin asked Howard if he's going to take a day off to go to the funeral. Howard said he wishes he could have taken the day off like Fred did. Howard said he has to console himself. Howard said Fred was in a situation though so he understands. Howard said he still thinks that Fred could have come to work. Fred said he'd doing very well with that actually.
Robin said Jack is probably buried already. Howard said he was actually cremated. He said he doesn't thinks there's any service anyway. Howard said he called his cousin Karen to talk to her about it. Howard said he was about to give Robin a lot of wisdom. He said that he went to visit Jack and maintained phone contact with him. Robin said it might be nice to go and visit with the other people who cared about him. Howard said he wants to be with his wife and that's it.
The caller said he ran into Craig Gass at some event. Howard cut him off saying that they had been disconnected.
Howard said he had some clips to play from the Charlie Sheen roast. Howard said the guy is a big dummy and you'll never find a bigger one. Howard said the guy is out of control. He said his film career went cold and then he got a break in life and got that TV show ''Two and a Half Men.'' Howard said he didn't watch the show. Robin said she hadn't watched it until last night. She said it was a perfect show for him from what she saw last night.
Howard said he heard that the show was funny. Robin said it was a decent show. Howard said Ronnie was a fan of it but he didn't find it funny. He liked Charlie Sheen in it. Howard said they're saying that Ashton Kutcher did a good job with it though. Howard said George knows that you have to stick with something and not walk away. Howard said George understood the longevity of the Star Trek thing and he knows you don't walk away. He said that he didn't walk around saying that he wouldn't go to a convention. George said he knows he's in show ''business'' so he stuck with it.
Howard said you have to use common sense. He said some artists don't have common sense. George said that's why they're artists. Howard said they have to use their brain. He said they're idiots.
Howard said Charlie Sheen was the highest paid man on TV. He said he was making so much money that he's still getting $25 million as a pay out for his contract. Howard said that he's getting syndication money too. He said the guy is an idiot because he didn't appreciate what he had. Howard said Chuck Lorre wrote him a show and he should have been appreciative. Howard said the guy didn't cheat him out of money or anything like that. Howard said the guy wrote him funny lines and Charlie went out and bad mouthed him all over.
Howard said Charlie gave up a good thing and now he's going on the Emmy's and sucking dick. He said he actually feels bad for him now. Howard said the guy thinks he's a genius and he has tiger blood and he's really not. He said that the guy is dopey. He said he got carried away with himself.
Howard said he was walking through a museum yesterday and someone asked how he can do that being famous. Howard said he just said he can do what he wants. Robin asked who asked him that. Howard said no one did, he just made it up.
Howard said he was going through that museum and he felt he was inside the mind of the artist who was displayed there.
Howard said when you're in one of these roasts you're in bad shape. He said it's not a good thing. Howard said you don't see A-list people being roasted. Robin said that they do have people like David Hasselhoff being roasted. Howard said that the best thing they got out of the Charlie Sheen mess was the phony phone call Sal and Richard made. He played that since George hadn't heard it. Sal and Richard called a guy with some dogs and had Charlie asking what kind of dogs he had and giving the dog guy his email address that was just a bunch of clips of Charlie's rants.
Howard said he was in the gym at the time and he hoped that no one there in the gym heard that. Howard said he didn't want any of the guys knowing he was watching Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he was excited though. He was up past 10 last night watching the show. Robin said they also had something called the Sing Off on last night. Howard said he didn't see that. Robin said it was a bunch of A Cappella singers and she thought it was stupid but she watched it anyway.
Howard said he felt that David Arquette did well on Dancing with the Stars. Robin said that Courteney and Coco were there and that was surprising. Howard said that Coco is out in the public now and that's a big deal since they had her hidden all these years. Howard said if he was on that show he would ask David what the fuck is going on with Courteney being there. Howard said no one brings that up. Howard said Pee Wee Herman was in the audience cheering him on too. He said that was very weird. He said that he was there as Pee Wee and not even as Paul Reubens. Robin said she didn't see that.
Howard said they hit a bonanza with Chaz Bono on that show. He said they're infamously cheap on that show. He said if you're a guy going to work every day you go and do it for $125,000. He said it's a number one show on ABC. He said Chaz is the one people are tuning in to see but he should be asking for a lot more money. He said that Chaz actually did pretty well. Robin said he kept going from man to woman for her. Howard said it was the same for him. He said that he wanted to see her as a man but he kept seeing a woman with a beard.
Howard said he also kept thinking that he had to go get a sex change like Dr. Ablow said would happen. Howard said that Carson Krestley was good too. Robin said he was not a good dancer. Fred said he was. He thought he was going to suck but he thinks he did well.
George brought up Chyna Phillips and said she was very good. Howard said she's going to be the one who will break down. He said the whole show was fantastic. Robin said that Ron Artest should be the first one to go.
Howard said he didn't know about this guy who was burned. Robin said he was over in Iraq. Robin said he danced well too. Howard said the guy was talking about how he's proud of his scars. Howard said that's some guy there. Howard said even with his facial deformities he's better looking than he is. Howard said he should be better looking than that guy but he's not.
George asked how long this show goes on. Howard said it goes on forever. Howard said he doesn't feel good that he watched the show. He said he has heard from the ABC executives that they will not end the show until everyone in America is either gay or transgender.
Howard took a call from Pinnochio Dave who asked how his giant beak is doing. He also said that Cher wasn't there last night and she had said some stuff about Dancing with the Stars on the Ellen Degeneres show. He said she called it the ''dancing with the fucking stars'' show or something. Howard said Cher probably doesn't want to be there and she'd probably overshadow the whole thing. He said that if that's the way you judge a parent then he's in trouble himself.
Dave asked what he thinks Chaz's cock looks like. Howard said it probably looks like his nose. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said George was looking very handsome today. George said that she looked lovely too.
Lisa said that John, big ball guy, was at UCLA last week and they told him that they have to do something soon or his situation could become cancerous. Howard said that he got a lot of feedback about John. He read through some of that and people were talking about how great the show was that day. Howard told George about how big this guy's balls were and how it looked fake, but it wasn't. Howard read some more email and one guy said they could send him out on tour to raise money for his operation. Howard said they could do that but Robin said that it should be fixed instead of turned into a show.
Howard read a few more emails and one guy said he had an operation on his balls and they blew up to the size of a tennis ball. He said was nuts over that and he can't even begin to imagine how John does it. Howard said John is a strong guy. He said he'd love to see him on Dancing with the Stars.
Lisa said that they're saying it would be at least a million dollar undertaking to operate on those balls. Lisa said that they have given approval to be admitted. She said that you can email him at BenefitBallSack@yahoo.com. Howard said he might want to come up with a better name for his benefit.
Lisa said they have a story about Benjy Bronk when he was in high school. They suggested that he see a therapist for his bizarre behavior. They found that he wasn't ill, he just wanted to be a comedian. Howard said they have that debate there all the time. They're not sure if he's crazy or wants to be a comedian.
Howard tried talking to Benjy but he wasn't answering. Howard asked what he was drinking. Benjy said he wasn't sure if he should say. Howard said he asked him a question so he should answer it.
Howard said Benjy was wondering on the Wrap Up Show if George finds him attractive. George said he told him yesterday he looked good. He said he's an attractive man. Howard said Benjy wants to know if he finds him sexually attractive. George said he's a married man. Howard said he knows but he wants to know if he's attractive. Howard told George to be honest and say if he would suck on his penis in a bar. George said ''Who knows!?'' He said he may become suckable. Howard said he's not suckable now then. Benjy said he must be pre-suckable then.
Lisa said that Sam Simon is suing the owners of Pinkberry because his charity bought a building and they told him it had certain things and he claims they lied to him. Howard said that's what your lawyer is supposed to check into. Howard said it sounds crazy to him.
Lisa said that Sal and Richard are going to be on the show ''Blue Mountain State'' this week. They're going to be in the season premiere of the show. Lisa got in plugs for Jackie the Joke Man and Riley Martin's shows that are on tonight.
Howard played some of the audio of them asking their questions. They were asking about what's more important, Martin Luther King Day or the San Gennaro feast. One guy said it was the feast. They were also asking about the differences between Jews and Catholics and things like that. Howard said he wasn't even hearing the questions because he was busy counting the number of times they were asking questions. Gary said that they split them up and make it seem like one is asking more than the other but then the other guy will get in his questions. It was tied up at that point.
Howard played more of their questions and they were asking people about what they think of Jewjeans who are Jews who act like Italians. The people being interviewed didn't seem to like them too much. Howard said Sal and Richard made sure they got equal billing in that clip. Robin said they don't think about the performance, they're thinking about equality. Robin said that they do that with their phone calls too. They both have to be part of the call no matter what.
Another guy said that he finds it sick and she needs psychiatric help. Wolfie asked that guy what it would take to turn him on to a transgender person. He said ''death.''
Wolfie asked another guy what it would take to get him to fall for a transgender. that guy said he thinks it's a mental sickness and he would never fall for one. Another guy said that he would take that person to the head doctor.
George said he could never do that himself but he can't put himself in that person's shoes. Howard said his mom says she owns him and she could do that to him if she wanted. Howard said she wouldn't even let him get an ear ring because she said that was her ear.
Howard said his favorite story about Bob Hope was when he was at WNBC radio. He wasn't very liked over there and they kept looking for ways to fire him while he was there. Howard said they didn't want to pay him and fire him. He said that's what ended up happening anyway. Howard said somehow they booked Bob on his show. Howard said Bob was doing a special for NBC and told him to call in during the afternoon show. Howard said he decided to do the interview him as Out of the Closet Stern. Howard said he got him on and did that character during the interview. He said they got off around 7 that night and one of the engineers came running in and told him that they were fucked. Howard said he asked what was wrong. He said he felt that nauseous feeling in his stomach. Robin said that she thought they had done it this time.
Howard said that Bob was calling to talk to the general manager and he wanted this person fired. Howard said he asked the guy where the phone was. He found out and got on the line with Bob Hope. Howard said he told him hew as the general manager, Don Fiorvanti. Bob said that he was on the phone with a very rude young lady. Howard said he told Bob it would never happen again. He said Bob was upset and said that he didn't like being treated that way. Howard said he told Bob that the gentleman would be fired and he would never work in the business again. Howard said he went home thinking that he was going to get fired. He said Bob was out of it and figured he'd be okay.
Howard said that he did an interview with Bob after that while dressed like Bob Hope. Howard said he had fun with Bob that time.
Gary had a favorite story too. Howard asked him what that was. Gary said that Cher yelled at him for 10 minutes one day. He said they were at K-Rock and Cher was dating that guy they called the Bagel Boy. Gary said that Cher was on the west coast and everyone must have called her about the song parody they did about her. Gary said he picked up and she went off on him and then he transferred her to Tom so she could yell at Tom. Gary said that she was yelling about a lawsuit so he gave the call to Tom. Gary said he has had a lot of phone calls like that. Gary said Chevy Chase threatened to put his head in a toilet one time. Howard said Gary could probably handle Chevy. Howard said that's all water under the bridge.
Robin asked Howard if he wants to live to 100. Howard said he thinks he would if he had all of his functions. Howard said his mom and dad are in their 80s and they move well and have all of their marbles. He said that they still do very well and they enjoy life. Howard said that's what he'd want if he got that old.
Howard said getting older is rough. He said he got out of his car yesterday and he has to hang on to the car. He said that he gets dizzy when he gets out. He said he hadn't eaten much yesterday and that's why he gets dizzy. He had worked out too. Howard said that he has very low blood pressure so that doesn't help. He said he would like to go in his sleep like his cousin Jack did. They had to go to break after that.
Mariann said that David Arquette is going to go all the way on Dancing with the Stars. Robin said she wants Chaz to stay too. Howard said that Chaz doesn't come on the show though. David does. Mariann started to tell Fred how bad she feels for his family but Howard hung up on her. Howard said they're all upset for Fred.
Howard said Beth is busy with the birds all the time too. He said that he's the same way too though. He said that he saw a squirrel last winter and its eyes were open and he wanted to save it. This was in the winter and Beth told him it had been there 3 days and it was frozen.
Howard said Leslie West is coming in and he just lost his leg. He said that this is the first time they're seeing him since that leg was taken off. He's in a wheelchair today. Howard said he told Leslie to take better care of himself. He said he lost it because of diabetes. Leslie came in and said that he got his new leg on Friday. He isn't using it yet though.
Leslie threw a shoe at Howard. Howard said that he must be angry he lost his leg and that's why he threw it. Leslie said they asked for a shoe so he gave it to them. Howard said he's a lousy thrower. Howard said the shoe was very nice actually. Robin asked if the new leg has a foot. Leslie said it does. He said the new leg is so complicated. He said he lost it above the knee so this thing is going to be hard to use. Leslie said the leg is called a sea leg.
Howard told Leslie to calm down. He had to ask him some questions. Howard said Leslie is one of the greatest living guitar players today. He said that Leslie used to be very overweight and he did a lot of drugs and didn't take care of himself. Robin said many drug addicts are skinny. Leslie said when he was in the hospital after he had the leg removed he tried to get up and move and he ended up falling down when his good leg got stuck in the carpet. He said that he fell right on the stump. Howard asked if he has the phantom leg pain there. Leslie said that's still there.
Howard said Leslie has a great wife who has big titties. Leslie said he prefers the word ''breasts'' instead of that word. Howard asked the guys to bring Leslie a new microphone because his was not working correctly. There was a lot of noise coming through it.
Howard said he knows that Leslie would be out the door if his wife lost her leg. Leslie said that she saved his life down there. Howard said Leslie has diabetes and he was on blood thinners. Leslie said that he was on his way to the Hard Rock and they stopped in Memphis. He said the doctor told him that his blood was too thin so they told him to get off of this drug he was taking for his blood thinning. He said that they ended up having to put him in a coma for a couple of days to get this under control. He said they had to take his leg off and Jenny was the one who made that decision. Leslie said they were trying to break up the blood clots but that didn't work.
Howard asked if they had a choice about being above or below the knee. Leslie said he had no choice in that. He said they had to do it above the knee.
Howard asked if he's there to tell kids to take care of themselves. Leslie said he's not, he's there to promote his album. That made George Takei laugh. Leslie said George is his hero.
Howard asked Leslie what happened to the leg. Leslie said he doesn't know. They didn't tell him what they did with it. Howard said he's lucky he didn't lose an arm. Leslie said he wouldn't be there if he had.
Howard said that Leslie used to inject his penis with a needle to get a hard on. Leslie said he doesn't do that anymore. He doesn't have to now that his blood sugar level is under control. He said that his wife helps him stay busy now.
Howard said he spoke with Leslie off the air. He said that Leslie called him. Leslie said that they had him on all kinds of drugs and his eyes were rolling into the back of his head. Leslie said they were giving him what they gave to Michael Jackson. He said you forget everything and you're out and then you wake up and you think you went to sleep two minutes ago.
Howard asked Leslie if he ever doubted his wife's love for him. Leslie said of course he didn't. He said they can still make love and all of that. He said there are just more inconveniences for him. Leslie said that she wants that leg out and it turns her on. Howard said that's surprising. Leslie told him to bring her in to talk about it.
Howard had the guys bring Jenny in. Leslie said that she likes his stump. Howard said she has big... breasts. Howard said she's a lovely girl. He said she's a saint too. Jenny said she loves him the same. She said Leslie is her new kid. She has to take care of him now. Howard said her breasts look real but they must be fake. Leslie said they are fake but they did them in a way that makes them look natural. Howard asked if Jenny had been with an amputee before. She said she never was. She said that now that the leg is gone it looks like a short knee and she likes it. She said it fits right there when she's straddling him. She said she uses the stump and they're more intimate now. Howard asked if Leslie wanted to keep his pajamas on so she wouldn't see it. Leslie said ''No!''
Howard said he must not want to look at it. Leslie said they make you look at the stump. Jenny said he didn't look at it for weeks. Howard asked how many weeks was it before they made love. Leslie said as soon as they got home. That was a couple of months after going into the hospital. Jenny said it had to be 6 weeks. Howard asked how many weeks it was before he cheated on her. Leslie said he has to be kidding. Jenny said she would kill him if he did.
Leslie said that he has a friend who owns a pharmaceutical company and one of Beth's friends, Shannon, works for him. Howard said he knows the woman he was talking about.
Howard said Jenny had to make the decision about removing the leg. Jenny said that she wanted to bring Leslie out of it so they could tell him what was going on. Leslie was asking for the Propopol to put him under.
Howard said they're going to hang Leslie's shoe from the wall in the studio from now on. Howard asked Jenny about making love to Leslie for the first time after his leg was removed. Leslie said that he stands up and puts her legs around his neck. He said he doesn't do missionary. He said he never did it before the leg was removed. Howard said Leslie is a freak. Howard asked for details about how he does this. Leslie said that they're in bed that has handles on it. Jenny said he's very well endowed and this is the only way she can handle him. Howard asked how many inches he is. Jenny said that it's the largest she's ever seen. Howard asked if it's 8 or 9. She said that it has to be 10 or more inches. She said it's very thick too. She said he's hung like a colt.
Howard said he had no idea it was that big. Leslie never talked about it. Jenny said she didn't even know who Leslie was when she met him. She said she almost backed out of having sex with him because of how big he was. Howard said she looks like she needs 10 inches. Howard asked if she does anal. She said that it doesn't really work. Leslie said he has to grease her up liquor wise. Howard said he could do her in the ass and she wouldn't even know he was there.
Howard asked Jenny about massaging his stump. Leslie said that's foreplay. Jenny said that she wants him close to her and the stump works. Howard said that's like these women in movies who are into the stump. He said that he's seem movies like that. Howard said when a guy has a thing happen to him she will start to rub his stump. Robin asked what movie he's talking about. Howard said it must be ''Coming Home'' or something like that.
Howard asked Leslie about the wheelchair. Leslie said he will learn to walk with the fake leg. He said that he has to go back to Kessler to get that worked out. Howard asked Leslie when he goes back to playing guitar. Leslie said he did the rock and roll fantasy camp and he invited Fred down for that. Fred went to that. Howard said that Fred can go to that but not come to work when someone dies. Leslie said that he introduced Fred to the camp and they all got excited.
Howard asked Jenny about making love to Leslie and how she rubbed her vagina and breasts on the stump. Howard said he'd like that. He asked if she tittie fucked him. Leslie said he really hates that word. Howard said Jenny is very generous.
Howard asked Leslie about showering and how hard that is. Leslie said it's a whole production with a seat and everything. Leslie said that he was offered a private plane to come home on. He said that he wondered how he was going to go pee. He said he was given a portable bag that you put on your penis and piss into. Leslie said you piss into a condom like thing that goes into a bag. Howard found out Leslie had never really worn a condom before.
Leslie said they had to figure out what to do when he was going home. He said the flight was 3 or 4 hours long. Leslie said to put the cap on you need some hardness. He said that Jenny blew him just to get him hard enough to put it on. He said you really have to love someone to do that.
Howard asked Jenny if she has underwear on. She said she did. Howard said he's impressed with her. Howard said he didn't know Leslie was packing either. Jenny said that his penis is the same length as his stump. Leslie said he's been sitting down to pee for many years. He said his penis will touch the water occasionally. Howard said he'd love to have that. Howard said his penis hits the seat instead. He said it's like a button. Leslie said when he's cold the same thing can happen to his.
Howard saw Leslie's new album and had to stand up to get a copy from him. He said that Leslie has people like Slash playing with him on the new album ''Unusual Suspects.''
Howard asked Leslie if he thinks he's the best guitar player out there. Leslie said that Joe Satriani is one of the greatest. He said that Steve Vai is great too. Leslie plays guitar and sings but he also writes. Leslie said that Felix, his writing partner, was the key. He said that Jay-Z and Kanye West took one of their songs and used it and that's something he never would have imagined happening.
Howard asked Leslie about the song Mud Flap Mama that Jenny helped write. Howard said she's doing it all. She's blowing a guy with a stump and she's writing lyrics. Howard said she's a fucking angel. Howard said that's what he would tell her if she was blowing him and rubbing on his stump.
Howard played some of Leslie's song ''Mud Flap Mama'' and asked George if he liked it. Howard said he found it sexy. George said it was sexy. Howard let the song play and Leslie told him this was him coming up. He was about to play a solo and Howard was confused. Howard said he thought he was playing at the start too. Leslie said he was but he was playing the solo too. Howard asked George what he thinks about the 10 inch cock. He asked if he thinks it would be impressive. George said ''Oh, I would think so.''
Howard played more of Leslie's song and said he wishes he could play like that. Howard gave Leslie some plugs for his album and some tour dates he has coming up. Howard said now is the time to see him before he loses more limbs. You can find out more at 3-Guitar-Heroes.com
Howard played the rest of Mud Flap Mama after the plugs. Leslie told Howard about the song a little bit. Leslie had a guitar for Howard. It was a Mississippi Queen guitar. Howard said he's taking that thing home. He said he has the other one he gave him at home too. Howard said the guitar is gorgeous. The strings go through a woman's breasts. Howard said he had to wrap up with Leslie. He said he wanted to say a few more things. He had to stand up to get the guitar from him.
Howard thanked Jenny for taking care of Leslie. Jenny said Howard is great too because Leslie spoke to him 15 minutes after he got off the ventilator and it started the recovery on a positive note.
Leslie said he doesn't know how Howard odes it day after day. Howard said the days are getting to be less and less. Leslie said he knows that but he's still doing a great job. Howard said Leslie is an inspiration. He said he's a fantastic guitar player and he loves him. He thanked him for stopping by today. He said if you want a lesson in guitars then go see him play. Leslie said that he has a guitar game out too and you can find that on iTunes. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said it was a beautiful song Fred was playing. Fred laughed and said that it's a song about a kid who shot himself. Howard said it's still a beautiful song. He said he wishes he could write a song like that. Howard said not many people would write a song like that. Fred said it is an incredible song.
Robin said she had no idea that Fred went to fantasy camp. Fred said it was Leslie's first time in public after the amputation so he figured a friendly face in the crowd would help.
Howard said there's a phony phone call that they've only played one that had George's voice in it. Howard played the call since George hadn't heard it. In this one Sal and Richard used George's audio clips to call some guy with a really odd voice. They had George telling him he had a beautiful cock and things like that. The guy was selling a cot and they had George asking him about his ''cock.'' The guy eventually told him to get the hell out of here and called him a god damned queer.
Howard said George really made an impression on the guy. George said he had no idea those bits and pieces could make a coherent conversation.
Howard said they're giving away $10,000 and you have to be the world's biggest whore to win it. Howard took a call from a woman and asked if she wanted to be the world's biggest whore. She said she didn't. She said she wanted to talk about Tony Bennett but today's interview with Leslie was great too.
Howard said that a lot of people wrote in about Tony Bennett. He said that a lot of people loved the interview. He read through a few of those emails. There were some people who pointed out Tony's comments about why the 9/11 attacks took place. Gary said that FOX news was all over that story this morning.
Howard said that Tony Bennett saw a dead body in Germany in World War II and that turned him off to war. Howard said Tony also said that George W. Bush told him he thinks he made a mistake about the Iraq war. Robin said that maybe Bush made a mistake talking to Tony about the war.
Howard played the FOX news audio of Tony talking about why we were attacked. They said that Tony should get a newspaper. Howard said they should get him back in there to talk about that stuff. He said that he loves Tony and he would like to talk more about that.
Howard said that the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy officially ends today. Howard said that's great and he bets George wants to fight for the country. George said that he's on Tony Bennett's position and he doesn't want to go to battle but he appreciates the people who do fight for our country.
Howard said he thinks that the 9/11 attacks were provoked by our support of Israel and not because of our bombing.
Howard said he had Kelly on the phone and she was going to play for this $1,000. Howard ended up talking to George about the Germans and their architecture. George said that their architecture at the time was just as dehumanizing as their philosophy was back then. Robin said they had good uniforms. George didn't think so. They spent a minute talking about their uniforms and fashion.
Gary said they're going to play a clip and Pete is going to give a U.S. State and they have to guess what state he's saying. Howard said she has to get 3 out of 5 correct. Howard said Whitney is actually coming in tomorrow to promote her show.
Howard played the first clip which sounded like ''Guhhluah.'' Howard asked George what he thinks he said. George guessed it was Iowa. Robin said she has no guess. She said she'd have to hear it again. Howard played the clip again. Howard said he thinks it might be North Carolina. Robin said it was Nevada. Howard asked Kelly what she thought. Kelly said she thinks it might be Nevada. It turns out it was Colorado. Gary said if you listen again you can hear it. Howard played it and it was clear as day.
Since they mentioned the Nazi fashion earlier, Howard played a clip of Sal and Richard talking to a woman during Fashion Week about the way the Nazi's dressed. The woman said that Hitler had good fashion sense. Gary said he heard it going back and forth between Richard and Sal asking the questions.
Howard got back to the game and played the next clip. This time it was a little easier. Howard said he got it. Kelly said it was Arizona. Howard said he doesn't think that's it. He said he thinks that he said Alabama. It turns out it was Alabama. Kelly got that one wrong.
Howard played the third clip which was Pete mumbling something that sounded like ''Ahloso.'' Fred said he thinks he knows it. Howard didn't get it. Howard asked Kelly if she wanted Fred or George Takei to play for her. She said that she would go with George. Howard played it once more for George. George said he thinks that it's Alaska. Fred had a different answer but Howard said Kelly was using George. Fred said he thinks it's Arkansas. Kelly went with George and said it was Alaska. Howard said he's not sure Pete even knows Alaska is a state. Howard played the clip one more time. Howard said he thinks it night be Alaska but it turned out to be Arkansas.
Howard said that Kelly didn't win. They played some buzzer sounds and some other losing audio clips. Howard said the good thing is that Fred is there and he will console Kelly. He said he's going to give her the money anyway. Robin said she wanted to keep playing. Howard said they'll play it another time. Howard put Kelly on hold and wrapped up the game.
Howard said that you can email him at BenefitBallSack@yahoo.com. John said that he has spoken to some other doctors and there are some people who have done this kind of surgery. He said that the guy is in New York City so that would be tough to get to as well since he's out in Las Vegas.
John said that he tripped over something in a parking lot and fell down and smashed his side. He said that some strangers had to help him out and pick him up. George asked how he moves about. Howard said George should have been there to see it.
John mentioned that he has also been suffering from seizures. He didn't get to talk about that last week. Howard said if he lucks out he'll die from the seizures and he won't have to worry about the ball thing anymore.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said this is a problem he let get out of control. John said he did everything he could to get it fixed. He said that no doctor there was sure what to do so they kept him going around and around in circles. He said he finally got a recommendation from a guy 6 months ago to go out to UCLA. John said it's been very frustrating for him over the past 3 years. He said they were making appointments for him 2 months down the road so it was delay after delay.
Howard said he hopes that they get him some help and he's able to get this thing fixed. Ralph said it sounds pretty awful and he hopes he gets the help he needs. John said he appreciates the exposure Howard has given him. Howard said the guy worked for a living and he had this horrible thing happen to him. He wished him the best and gave him another plug for his email.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he didn't like those comments Tony Bennett made yesterday. He said that shit makes him sick to his stomach. He said there are people fighting over there for this country and he was talking about melting down all of the guns. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go. Howard said he thinks Tony's heart is in the right place. He had to go to break after that.
Jon ran down his list of things that they were going to cover today on Wrap Up. Jon mentioned a bunch of things from today's show that they'll be covering.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they had Regis Philbin throw out the first ball at a game yesterday and he almost threw a strike. He said it made Gary look even worse. Howard said Gary is very embarrassed by his pitch. He said that Regis threw an almost perfect pitch. Howard said Gary brought shame upon the show.
Howard said that Regis is leaving his show over money according to an article he was reading. Howard said he basically got fired. Howard said this makes no sense. Howard said that they wanted to give him a pay cut and he walked away when his contract expired. Howard read the article and they were saying that they weren't willing to pay Regis what he wanted so they let him walk away. This insider wondered why they'd risk letting him leave from that cash cow of a show they have there. Howard said the show runs like clockwork and they don't do anything controversial. He said they make a fortune so why not just pay the guy? He said that they basically print money there. Robin said it sounds like what happened with Jay Leno over at NBC. Howard said the story makes no sense to him.
Howard said Jeff Jarvis came out with a book called ''Public Parts: How Sharing in the Digital Age Improves the Way We Work and Live'' and he dedicated it to him. He said that some other guy did the same thing so he read that dedication from ''Only the Names Have Changed.''
Ralph called in and said he wanted to mention that he dedicated something to Howard too. He said that his iPad app ''Champion Magazine'' is dedicated to him. Ralph said he's really proud of this thing too. Howard is supposed to shoot a cover for them. Ralph said Howard should shoot Scarlett Johansson for the cover. Howard told him to set it up and he'll do it.
Jeff Jarvis called in and said that it's an honor to have Howard mention his book. Jeff read the dedication that he wrote. He mentioned Howard for inspiring the book title. Howard thanked him for that. Howard said he's honored. He said he started to read the book but he can't stay interested in anything.
Robin got back to her news and read about how John Travolta's $100,000 Mercedes was stolen while he was shopping around for another car. Robin said he has had some really awful luck. Howard said he's not sure what's going on with that guy. He asked George if he thinks he's bi-sexual. George said he hears the same things that Howard hears and they're based on what people read in the Enquirer. He said he thinks there might be something to it because there's been too much conversation about it. That led to them talking about Travolta's car collecting. Howard said he finds it gross when people have so many cars.
Robin read about how there will be a car auction in Las Vegas and 6 cars being sold are owned by Criss Angel. Robin read about some of the other cars that will be up for auction and said that it'll be covered on the Speed channel.
One of the people selling a car is Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. Howard said he imagines that she's good in bed. He told Robin what his fantasy is about her and how he was thinking about how kinky she'd be. He said that he imagines her bringing these things called snakes into bed and putting them on her nipples. Robin said she had never heard of these snakes things. Howard said he has. He told her that they're nipple clamps. Howard went through this whole fantasy and said that she'd have some vomit in her mouth from seeing her. Gary came in and said that she was a meth head so he imagines that she's dirty too. Howard told George he was talking about Fergie from the band, not the Duchess. George seemed to think it was the duchess. They went to break a short time later.
After the break, around 9:45am, Howard had George Takei do a quick announce. George said that he was honored to be sitting next to Chaz Bono today. He feigned confusion and said that's actually Benjy but Benjy has bigger tits.
Robin got back to her news and read about how Brad Pitt is still talking about Jennifer Aniston all these years after dating her. Robin read about his comments and Howard said he read it too and it was a real hatchet job. Howard said he didn't feel that the marriage was good and it was unhappy. He didn't diss her in it. He was talking about his life and how he felt dead inside. Howard said he doesn't think he bad mouthed her but Robin does.
Robin read about last night's ''Two and a Half Men'' premiere and had Howard play a clip. Howard said he heard it was good but Ronnie didn't like it. Robin said John Stamos did show up in the episode and she thinks he looked great. Howard said that's his whole thing. Robin said it was kind of a cute idea with that and Darmah and Greg showing up too.
Robin had some clips from the Charlie Sheen Roast that was on Comedy Central last night. They played some clips of Jeff Ross doing his roast of Charlie. Howard and the guys were all laughing. Howard said Jeff is great. Jeff was nailing everyone there. Howard said that guy is really great. Howard played some of William Shatner's roast of Charlie too. George said it's because of him that he didn't watch the show. Shatner did his thing with Charlie. Howard let it play for a minute but cut it off saying he didn't want to offend George. George said he thought he was funny. Howard said he had a bunch of other comedians from the roast to play. He wasn't sure who to play. He ended up playing Steve-O. Howard played some of his stuff and then played some Anthony Jeselnik. Howard seemed to like his jokes. Howard said that guy is good. He didn't know he was a writer on the Jimmy Fallon show. Howard said he heard that Amy Schumer was good too. He wasn't sure he wanted to play all of the stuff from the roast. Howard did a live commercial instead.
After the live commercial Gary told Howard that Amy Schumer was really good but she did a joke about Ryan Dunn and Steve-O stared her down. Howard played Amy's material and she was roasting each of the people up on the deus. When she got to Steve-O she made a joke about Ryan Dunn saying that she was sorry and he must be wondering why it wasn't him. Amy said everyone is thinking ''Why wasn't it?'' George really liked the joke she made about how bloated William Shatner was. She also hit Charlie pretty good. Howard said he has to watch that whole thing on Comedy Central. Howard said he's not sure why Charlie Sheen was even there. He said it must be some sort of rehab for him.
Robin said that Charlie has settled his lawsuit with Warner Brothers and he will get $25 million but in 10 years it will produce $100 million with the syndication deal.
Robin said that they estimate that the government wastes about 51 cents out of every dollar they spend. Robin said this was according to some poll that was done.
Robin read about how Chaz Bono has had to get protection to keep her safe from the nuts who are watching Dancing with the Stars. That led into Howard doing another live commercial.
Robin read more about Chaz and how they have security for him on the set and off. Robin read about how President Obama is in the city for the UN meetings. Robin read some details about what they'll be doing there this week.
Howard read some email about George being on the show this week. He said everyone loves it when he's on. Howard read a bunch of those emails and people really do like him on the show. Howard said they did get one negative. One guy said that his laugh is annoying and it ruins the show. George said that his laugh can get annoying.
Howard read some email about what he said about Julie Bowen's chest on the Emmy's. Howard said he liked what he saw. The writer didn't think he had good taste. Howard said he likes skinny chicks, what can he say? Howard read some more email about the guests he's had on lately and how great the show has been.
Robin read about how News International could pay a huge fine for hacking a phone of a dead girl. Robin said that they were closed down earlier this year but the settlement will be paid to the family of the dead girl.
Robin read about Jane Lynch being on the new season of Glee. She has a book out too. Robin had some audio of her talking about that book on Good Morning America. Howard said he found the Emmy's to be boring this year and he's not sure how she got into his life. Howard said he's tired of this woman's life story.
Ralph said that he thought Julie Bowen was hot and you could almost see her nipple. He said he has no idea what she was saying because he was waiting for that to come out.
Robin read about the new Miss Universe and how she may not have qualified for the pageant because of where she lived. Robin had some audio of Miss Universe talking about that.
Robin read about this girl Lexi Thompson who is in the LPGA and became the youngest winner in the tour over the weekend. She's only 16. Robin had some audio of her talking about that win.
Robin read about an openly gay Republican who wants to run for president.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had a story about an accident up in Massachusetts that his cousin was involved with. He said that a tire fell off a tire truck and killed his cousin. Howard said that he saw a truck transporting bricks that weren't tied down correctly and he saw them sliding off the back of the truck. Howard said these guys have to do their job and tie down their stuff. Howard said he was sorry to hear about his cousin.
Robin read about how they have a new burger at Wendy's. Robin said that the burger has a thicker patty and a toasted bun and no mustard. Robin said the new burger is available now.
Robin read about the movie ''Killer Elite'' that will be out this week. Fred was playing a bunch of various George Takei audio clips during the news and George didn't know that some of them were him.
Robin read about how Anna Kournikova is one of the trainers on ''The Biggest Loser'' now. She had some audio of Anna talking about the new job. Howard said she's gotten rid of her accent pretty good. Robin said she still has it a little bit. Howard said they might need to edit her a little bit because she talks a lot.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk but he said ''fuck you Howard!'' and hung up. Howard said he must not have done something for him in a long time. Gary said that he asked him to sign something for his sister and he didn't personalize it for him so he was pissed. Howard said when Jeff does something for him then he'll do something for him. Howard said he had no idea he had to do something for him. Gary said they just got it today to fix it. Howard said that they can throw it in the garbage then. Gary said that's what Jason was asking to do. Howard said he's going to personalize it by shitting on it. Howard said he knows Jeff will call back apologizing. Howard said the lack of civility is insane. Howard said he could have asked him to do it instead of yelling at him and hanging up. They ended the show around 10:20am.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jeff just went from lovable drunk to ungrateful bastard. He said he had met Jeff before and he was nice but now he's just gone over the edge. He said he lost a lot of respect for him today. Gary said he likes Jeff but no matter what you do for him, it's never enough. He said Eric is in the hall of fame though. He said Jeff will come back crying with sorry but Eric would never do that. They had to take a break after that.
Jon said that Leslie said that he didn't hear anything from Gary or Robin while he was in the hospital. Gary said he didn't think he was important enough to call him. Jason said that Leslie has given a lot of money to Robin's charity and he knows that personally.
Jon asked what Gary thought of Jenny. Jason said he'd chop off his leg for her. He said she's hot and she's got big boobs and now she's like Leslie's nurse. George said that he saw love between those two when they were in there.
Jon said that Jenny was saying that she prefers the stump to his penis sometimes. Leslie's penis size was also discussed. George said that he's sure that it's thick too. He said anything that long has to be substantial. Benjy asked if he's ever been surprised by a penis. George said he has had some of those experiences. He said that it can be an enormous hunk of meat that pours out.
George said that the bigger the better when it comes to sucking. He said that's what he prefers. He said he's never tried it in the ass. He said he has put his in another ass but he's never had it in his. He said his is too tight. George said Brad isn't interested in it but he has tried it with Brad and he didn't enjoy that. He said it was just one time. Neither of them liked it.
Jason asked George if he gets uncomfortable with a man who is bigger than he is. George said yes. He said that the guy with the bigger one can be the one who is in charge in a relationship.
George said that Leslie must have something down there to have a wife like he has. Benjy asked who is larger, him or Brad. George said Brad is. Benjy found that interesting.
George told some stories about the things he has learned and described some scenes. Gary said that Howard would want to see this in a movie but maybe not in a musical. George said he signs with the chorus but doesn't have a solo in it.
Gary asked who is funding it. George said he has some wealthy friends who are helping and he's funding some of it himself. George said that he has put in $150,000 into it himself. He has other investors too. He said that they're opening up on Broadway next year. He said he's hoping it's a big hit and that they can go long. He said the way it happens is that they do a regional show in San Diego for two and a half months. Then they come to Broadway and try to get it in a theater with 1100 or so seats. He said they don't want to do it in a theater that's too small. He said they don't want one too large either. Jon said they're excited for him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked George if he gets turned on when Howard talks about straight sex. He also wondered if he finds Ronnie attractive at all. George said when he was much younger he thought he might be bi-sexual. He said straight sex can turn him on. He said it all depends on the setting and what's happening. George said as one matures the heat gets less intense. He said it's still there but it's less intense.
Jon asked if he stated to feel one way more than the other. George said he was always into men, even in grammar school.
Gary asked if he's ever wanted to sleep with a woman just once. George said he's committed to Brad so he can't say. He said once you get on a track you're on that track and he's comfortable with it. George said that society is getting more relaxed too. He said his orientation is more toward men.
Gary asked if he got any grief from Brad about the masturbation thing on the show. George said brad does not listen when he's on and he didn't share that with him yesterday. Gary said they thought that maybe Brad had texted him during the show yesterday. George said Brad did not text him.
George said that he has paid the price for being too open. He's more protective than he used to be. Jon asked if he really didn't think that was Bill Shatner calling in yesterday. George said he did know it was the real one after a short time.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if he still goes out to Redmond, Washington. George said that they used to visit family up there but they're no longer out there. The caller said he heard he had a house out there. George said he has one in Arizona but not in Washington.
The caller asked if he ever went to the Water preserve in Washington. George had no idea what he was talking about. Gary said they were trying to do a show there, not find out where George went on vacation.
Jon asked George if he finds Ronnie attractive. George said he's a nice guy but no, he's not attracted to him.
Jon asked Benjy if he got his answer about how he thinks he looks. Benjy said that he thinks that if he was single he could get him. George said that if it was another time maybe he could. They had to take another break after that.
Jeff didn't even have anything to talk about. Jeff said that's not the point. Jeff said the problem is that he should pick up on him more often than he does. Gary asked why. Jeff said ''why not?'' Gary wondered what's so interesting that he has to talk about. Jon said that Howard did pick up on Ralph a couple of times. Jason said that maybe if Jeff had something interesting to say the first time then maybe he'd pick up again. Jason said that he's lucky he got picked up on at all.
Jeff said he has a lot of personal things going on in his life. Gary said that they don't know that. Gary asked Jeff if he was upset about Howard not personalizing this autograph for his sister. Jeff said it's for a friend, not for a sister. Jason said he thought it was his sister. He said that it was supposed to be made out to this girl's name but then Jeff got all upset and told him not to even send it.
Ralph called in and said that he called in 3 times and didn't hold at all. He said he's not sure why he stayed on the line so long. Jeff said he doesn't suck Howard's dick like Ralph does. Ralph said Jeff always wants something and he's exhausting so he's a pain in the ass. He said he's just fucking annoying. He said he's lucky he gets anything signed. Ralph said that he just says gimme, gimme, gimme all the time.
Gary asked Jeff why he didn't just say what he wanted to talk to Howard about instead of saying ''fuck you'' to him.
Jon asked George what Jeff should do. George said that there are many people who call in and want to be heard and he doesn't have that awareness that others do. He said that you're very fortunate to get through at all. He said that to be disrespectful and rude isn't right. Jeff said he realizes how lucky he is. George said that he doesn't show it. Jon said he had to wrap up the Wrap Up Show so he had to hang up on Jeff. They ended the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking to George Takei and saying it was great having him with them. Howard said he came back from Italy and this was his first stop. Howard said that's what most prominent people do. Howard said they have a big show today.
Howard said he almost didn't come in today though. He said that he has a stiff neck and he can barely turn his head. He said it's nauseating. He's not sure what caused it. He said he was going to bed and felt a little sore and woke up 2 hours later not being able to turn his head. He said he doesn't mean to bitch about it but it's impairing his ability to work. Robin said she used to have things like that happen to her.
Howard said he knows this will pass but he's sure that he has 450 emails saying he has small pox or something like that. George said he'd teach him some neck exercises. Howard said he doesn't need that. Robin said she used to get it while she was nursing. She said that her dad was a chiropractor and she did something to her that released her neck immediately. Robin said she's not usually into the chiropractor thing but that worked for her.
Howard said he almost went to the hospital with this pain. Robin said he overreacts to things all the time. Howard said he tends to dwell on things when he's not feeling well.
Howard said Bush is saying the story was bullshit now. Howard said that the newscasters are saying that Bush would never admit that to Tony Bennett. He said that the entire tape of the interview was being played by these news outlets and they don't give that stuff out. Howard said they must have a subscription to be able to record it.
Howard said he had some audio of some reports about the interview. He played one from a local news broadcast. In that one they were saying Bennett pout his foot in his mouth. Howard said he didn't think that was the case. In the report they played the part where Tony said that the terrorists had attacked us because we were bombing them. They also said that the President had not commented on the Iraq war comments that Tony mentioned. Howard said he actually has commented on it.
Howard played another news report where they talked about Bennett's comments and how he seems to be a bit out there with his comments. The reporter said that he would not buy Tony's latest CD even though he was a fan. He was boycotting Tony over those comments. Howard said he has learned not to overreact to things like that. He learned that from the Dixie Chicks.
Howard said he still has no idea what Tony was talking about with us ''bombing them'' because nothing like that was going on. Robin said she wasn't sure either. George said maybe he was referring to some bombing over in Afghanistan but that was years before. Howard said that he's not sure Tony deserves getting his ass ripped up over this.
Robin said that's what's wrong with the country right now. If you're not into what the rest of the country is talking about then you get ripped.
Howard said he heard a lot of cock and ball talk on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard said a lot of people end up ripping him for being a bad interviewer when they catch shit in the news. He said that's what Tony should do too.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he loves Tony Bennett and this is the biggest splash he's made in years. He said that this is going to be good for his new album. He said he loves Howard and the guys too. Howard thanked him for the call.
Robin said maybe Tony is trying to be controversial just to get some press like Madonna used to do. Howard played some more news reports about Tony's interview. In one report they were talking about what he said and they said Tony has put out a statement saying that if people were offended he was really just praising America. The reporter said maybe Tony didn't understand the impact he was having with his comments. One of the reporters said that Howard leads people into a trap at times but this didn't seem to be the case with Tony Bennett.
Howard said he doesn't ''trap'' anyone. He said that's not what he does. People just speak freely on the show. Howard said they all weigh in with their opinions on those news programs. They were claiming that Tony had hurt a lot of people and they don't have any proof of that. They're just making stuff up.
Howard played more of the news coverage where they talked about what Tony had said and how nothing had ever tainted Tony in the past so this was unusual.
Howard said the amount of publicity is unbelievable. Howard said there are certain individuals around there who want to get the word out about Sirius radio and he has to say that it seems they do make the news almost weekly. He said it's something about them all the time. Howard said it's constant. George said that's because it's a free speech arena.
Fred said he thinks that he knows what Tony was alluding to. He said that Clinton was trying to get rid of bin Laden and in 1996 he did send some cruise missiles over there and he also did that in 2000 trying to take him out. Howard said that was his response to the first attack on the World Trade Center or the attack on the USS Cole. George said he could have been going even further back in history with his comments.
Howard played another news report about Tony Bennett's comments. This reporter also reported on the George Bush stuff and said that Bennett has come out saying that his comments may have been misconstrued.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that was just Tony's opinion on why we were bombed. He said he wasn't saying that was the truth. Howard said that you have to back it up with something. He said that those planes going into the World Trade Center were really intense. He said that there were people in the buildings who had to choose to jump or burn up in there. He said that's really intense. He said that if he has his facts straight or not is one thing. He said he was going to try and get into it with him but he kind of moved on. He said he should have asked what he was talking about.
Howard said that Jeff Ross was really good on the roast. He said that Amy Schumer was good too. He said that they have a lot of nobodies on that show though. Howard said one of the jokes was about Martin Sheen and Emilio not showing up because they had pressing business. Howard said the roast was really good but it was a depressing group of people. Mike Tyson was one of the people roasting him. He said Mike was getting offended and talking back to people. He said you have to watch it. He said he was laughing inappropriately hard and he may not even know what's going on.
Howard said Patrice O'Neall was saying that he was wondering why so many white people were paling around with Mike and not being afraid of him. Howard said he heard that no one was allowed to make fun of Tyson's rape conviction.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he's concerned about Howard being light headed the other day and now his neck is bothering him. Howard told him not to worry about him. Bobo said that he likes the Behind the Scenes 5 episode on Howard TV. Howard said that Bobo is talking about Howard TV and the woman Bebe who came in there and walked around naked begging everyone in there to fuck her. Howard said all of the guys there turned her down. Howard said he's surprised JD didn't go for it. Bobo said she was really hot too. Howard said the Howard TV episode is good because she's trying to get laid and she's walking around almost naked.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he cried when he found out that his cousin Jack had died. Howard said he didn't but last night he was getting emotional and got tearful. He said that all of his kids are gone from the house now and he started thinking about that too. Howard said that the kids are gone and his cousin died.
The caller asked about his mother and her parenting and if she would get upset with him saying that she was wrong. Howard said she's a very strong woman and she thinks she did the right thing thinking that he came out just fine. He said she tried very hard and he doubts that any mother tried any harder than his. He said that he's not sure how many mothers actually do get it right. Howard said his dad could have done better. He said if that was his best it was pathetic.
Howard said there are some people who pretend to be in show business saying they were models or actors. Howard said you look at them and you wonder what they've done because they never were in the business. Howard said he never thought he was in radio when he was in college. He said he was on the radio back then but he doesn't count it. Howard said that's pretending to be on the radio. Howard said this woman is out of it.
Howard played more of Dina Lohan's comments where she says she's starting her own management company and thanked people for being so supportive of her kids careers. Dina said she wants to help kids navigate the waters of the industry. Howard said she did such a good job with Lindsay that now she wants to help other kids. Howard let the clip play and Dina talks about how all of her kids are pretty much in the entertainment field. Howard said the reporter knows that she's nuts.
Howard said he had an interaction with Dina Lohan once. He was out to eat and this guy came up to him and asked him to come over to her table to wish her a happy birthday. Howard said he didn't want to go over because he doesn't know her. The guy asked if he really didn't want to go over. Howard said if she wants to say hello to him then she can come over to him. Howard said that it would be humiliating to go over and say hello to her. Howard said he wouldn't do that. He didn't want to get involved in that world. He said it was an odd way to approach him.
Howard said he had that with Britney Spears years ago too. Howard said he was talking to Billy Joel at this Grammy party and this guy came over and asked him if he would come over and say hello to Britney Spears. Howard said the guy pointed her out to him from across the room. He said if he wants to meet someone he'll go over himself. He doesn't need someone to ask him to go over. Howard said that the guy asked him to go over and talk to her and he didn't want to do it. Howard said he told the guy to wish Britney well because he was in a conversation with Billy. Billy had walked away during that discussion though so he ended up standing there alone.
Howard said Rod Stewart pulled the same thing with him about 12 years ago. He said he was out in L.A. and he was at a bit Hollywood party. He said he was at the house of a director and the house was full of stars. He said that Rod was there with Rachel Hunter and he was like a kid in a candy store. Howard said he heard from a guy that Rod wanted to speak with him. Howard said he asked why he didn't come over to him then. The guy said that Rod doesn't do that. Howard said he doesn't get the being summoned thing. He said he finds it humiliating. Howard said he's not into it.
After playing the clip Howard said that he loves George's honesty and openness. George said that it's only there that he's that open and honest. He said he's got a horrible reputation there. Howard said he loves hearing that stuff. He said he can imagine the news covering that story. Howard said they could say that he talks about how his ass it too tight to take a cock in there.
Howard said there are all kinds of stories out about Tony Bennett. He said it's in the news and Tony has said that he's sorry if he offended anyone but he didn't take back what he said.
Howard said that he had Jeff the Drunk on the show at the very end. He said Jeff cursed him out and he didn't know why. Howard said it turns out it wasn't over the autographed magazine that he didn't personalize. Gary said that Jeff did give Jason major shit over that. Howard said Jeff called the Wrap Up Show and explained what it was that he was upset about. He played that clip and Jeff said that he was pissed that Howard doesn't pick up on him. He had been trying to get through for two weeks and then he takes the call at the end of the show. Jon and Gary asked why Howard should pick up on him more often. Jeff said ''Why not?''
Howard said Jeff has called in and complained about Eric the Midget wanting to get on the air all the time and telling him to just wait. Now Jeff is doing the same thing. Howard said they get a lot of phone calls there and he can't pick up on everyone. He said he's not against speaking to Jeff but he is a pissy mother fucker. He said he truly is. George said it's hard to understand him too. He said he didn't understand what he was saying.
Howard said there's a fat woman on the show who he fast forwarded through. He said he wasn't even sure who it was. Robin said it may have been Nancy Grace. Howard said he doesn't care about her dancing or anything about her. Robin said that people always ask her about her twins. Howard said he thought that they were talking about her boobs. He didn't know they were referring to her kids. He said he doesn't know anything about the woman and doesn't care. He said he'll watch any good looking woman though. He said that he likes this Elizabeta woman. He said that she's only there because she fucked George Clooney. Howard said that's how they should introduce her.
Howard said David Arquette is acting very strange. He said he's on some mission where he says the same thing over and over again. He said he's not being himself. He said he's being Robo-David. Howard said he talks about how much he enjoys being there and he repeats himself back stage. Howard said it's the same thing over and over. He said he has to talk to him and tell him to loosen up a bit.
Howard said Jonah Hill is stopping by today. He lost a bunch of weight and people think he's not going to be as funny after losing weight. Robin said she saw him in Cyrus and it was one of the funniest films she's seen. Gary said that in that movie he's just like Benjy. He said that he even looked like Benjy. Benjy said he's had people tell him that. He said he hasn't seen the movie yet but they think that it was based on him. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and asked Jon Leiberman come in with his news preview. Jonah Hill came in instead. Howard said Gary was really on top of things. Howard said he has him at his worst today. He said he has a stiff neck. Jonah said that he would massage him if he wanted.
Howard said Jonah has had quite a career so far. He was discovered by Dustin Hoffman. Jonah had gone to a poetry reading and that's where he was found. Jonah said he was a writer and he was told to take an acting class to learn to speak to writers. He said it's not as simple as Howard made it out to be. He said he's friends with Dustin's kids and they saw him performing at a poetry thing. He said that Dustin would have him make phony phone calls for him. He said he would pretend to be a guy who owned hotels and he'd call another hotel chain owner and goof on him. He said he would do this at the Hoffman house. Dustin said it's a great improvisational exercise. He said you have to think on your toes like no other scene.
Howard said he likes the thought of Dustin Hoffman making prank calls. Jonah said that he knows Tobey Maguire and he was friendly with him. He said that he likes to call and pretend to be a celebrity's assistant. He said during Oscar season there are hotels that are all booked up around Los Angeles. He said that he calls these hotels and pretends to be Tobey's assistant. He said he was 17 years old when he was doing that. He said he would call and tell them that they were trying to get a hotel room. He said that it would be like midnight on a Tuesday and the guy at the counter would think it was a great thing. Then he'd tell the guy that they need certain things in the room like a huge aquatic tank in the room. He'd tell the guy that he travels with a baby seal everywhere so that's why they need the tank. The guy would agree to all of this stuff. He said he'd tell the guy that Tobey likes to jog at night and he likes to have kids following him around like he's the pied piper. Jonah said that someone played these tapes for Tobey and Tobey was like ''what the fuck?''
Howard asked about what it was like doing that stuff for Dustin. Jonah said that he knew the kids so well that it was just hanging around the house doing it and it wasn't like he was trying to take advantage of the opportunity. Howard said that his kids made some prank calls when they were kids and he wasn't sure if he should get mad or praise them.
Jonah told Howard that Dustin told him he should be an actor and he took that as a compliment. He said that was very encouraging. Jonah said that he never thought about asking what to do. He said he wasn't trying to be opportunistic. Howard asked if he was a popular kid in school. Jonah said he was popular and he got kind of handsome for a while so he had a girlfriend. Howard asked if he got laid. Jonah said he had a great story about that.
Jonah said that he lost his virginity on his first day in college but that was another story. He said in middle school he had a lot of anger because his friends were all getting girls. Jonah said that he had a lot of anger and he was a dick for a couple of years. Then he got kind of handsome and girls started to like him. He had a cute girlfriend and he was psyched. Jonah said he grew up in Los Angeles. He said he was going to have sex on prom night and he had plans with the girl to do it. Jonah said they made the plans to do it at the hotel. He said he got really drunk and then he ended up puking into his girlfriend's mouth. He said he didn't get laid that night. He said she went to sleep in another guy's room that night. He said that cock blocked that guy too. Jonah said that he did get a hand job from that girl though.
Howard asked about him getting laid the first night at college. Jonah said he went to Boulder college and it's like a drug and snow boarding factory, not like a college. Jonah said that he went to a school he didn't like very much in 7th, 8th and 9th grade. He said that his mom was sick back then too and he was bummed he wasn't getting girls. He said he was a dick. He did really poorly in school. Then he went to another school and straightened up. He said he got A's and then F's the next year. He said that he had to go to Boulder. Jonah said that the first night his parents were going to stay with him for that night and maybe a couple more nights. He said that he just wanted to be left alone. He secretly smoked at the time and he pulled them out to show what he was really up to.
Jonah said that he had never been to a cold area like that before so he didn't snow board or anything. He said everyone there was a mellow party animal. He said he ended up getting drunk that night and met a girl who was really cute. He said he wasn't heavy at the time and he was feeling really good. Jonah said he had sex with this girl that night. He said he remembers having sex but he doesn't remember it very well. He said he woke up and had this girl next to him. He said she had a Playboy insignia on her that wasn't tanned. He said that it was obvious it wasn't the first time she had done this.
Jonah said his roommate was freaked out when he saw that he had this girl in there. Howard asked if he thought that's what school was going to be like. Jonah said that's actually the way it is at Boulder. He said his parents showed up the next morning to take him to breakfast and this girl was in his bed. He said he didn't let them see that. Jonah said that he did okay with the girls. He said that the gift of gab is a powerful thing. Howard said he agrees with that.
Jonah said that he got heavy and ended up getting cast in a bunch of movies. He said that he really is focused and motivated but he never learned about nutrition. Howard said he was the same way. He said he went to a nutritionist and he pointed out that he was eating like a 6 year old with chicken fingers and mac and cheese.
Jonah told Howard that he got into some movies when he was like 21/22 years old. Jonah told Howard how Dustin had told him to get some acting lessons. He was folding boxes at the time for work. He said that he was getting high and folding boxes. Howard asked what kind of drugs he was doing. Jonah said that he has only enjoyed weed and mushrooms but he's tried other drugs. Howard said that he used to take ludes. Jonah said he's not sure if they even exist anymore. Howard said he's a big anti-drug guy now.
Jonah told Howard that Dustin called him one day and asked him to come meet with some people. He said that Dustin went the extra mile for him. He said that he went to his boss and told him he had to leave. He said he wasn't sure if he could tell his boss why. Jonah said that he told him about Dustin Hoffman at his house and the boss said he was meeting Christopher Walken at a bar.
Jonah said she went to this house and it was full of a bunch of stars that were reading for this movie they were about to do. He said he walked in and he was wondering ''what the fuck'' and wondered how he got there. He was just folding a box before he went there. Jonah said that David O Russell wanted him to come and audition for the movie. He said he auditioned and he was awful. He was nervous and didn't have an agent or anything. He got the part though. Jonah said that he has to thank Dustin for helping out. He said that the guy is a great man. Jonah said that he understood that he was a big star but he hadn't seen all of his great films. He said as he grew older Dustin and Bill Murray have become his heroes because they do comedy and drama very well.
Howard said that he heard that he only has a demand in his contract where he has to have a car with Sirius XM in it so he can listen to Howard Stern. Jonah said that is in his contract and he has had to trade in cars without satellite. He said that in between takes he will go to his car and listen to Howard. Jonah said that people want to talk to you during the breaks and he has to go listen to Howard instead. He said he's focused on something instead of being distracted by other people.
Howard asked how he learns his lines if he's listening to the show during his breaks. Jonah said that he's good at memorizing lines. He said that he has to make it feel real after just doing it once. Jonah said that it's like hanging out with friends and not having to contribute at all. Howard said he's learning that he's a big enough star that he can make demands. Jonah said that they're just happy he's not asking for a huge trailer and things like that.
Howard asked what he did after he did ''I Heart Huckabees.'' Jonah said that he went to school thinking his shit didn't stink. He said he was in acting class telling the teacher that he just worked in a real movie. He said he had an inflated sense of where he was in his career. He said he dropped out of school and his parents were freaking out. He said they were legitimately freaking out. Howard said he must have figured he was going to take off after that. Jonah said he figured he could try it out for 5 years and go back to college if he had to. Jonah said he didn't work for 2 years after that. He said he was applying for jobs at Dominos and things like that.
Jonah said that he was making friends and trying to get something going. They were all struggling. He said he was in a movie theater watching a movie and Seth Rogen was right in front of him. He said he had a mutual friend with this guy Dave. He said that he became friends with Seth after that. Jonah said that he started hanging out with him and a bunch of other guys. He said that Judd Apatow is one of those people. He said that they believed that they could make different kinds of comedies if they had that power. He said Judd had some success so it looked like he would be the key. Jonah said that Judd worked on the Larry Sanders Show so that's the kind of shit he liked.
Jonah said that they asked him to audition for a one line part in ''The 40 Year Old Virgin'' so he did that. He said he knew Seth now and he told him he was going in to read. He said they were all trying to make it and no one had made it yet. Howard said they're all very natural on screen. He said that's how it comes across with all of those guys.
Howard asked Jonah if he started getting laid when Superbad came out. Jonah said that was the turning point. He said it's not even a level thing but it did change things. He said when that movie came out he has this feeling. He said that when they made that movie the extras thought they were making a straight to DVD movie. He said that he has the same feeling about this new movie that he's in called ''Moneyball.''
Howard asked about the pussy he was getting after this Superbad movie came out. Howard did give him a plug before that. Howard said the movie ''Moneyball'' opens this Friday.
Howard had Jonah get back to the pussy story. Jonah said that he and the guys on Superbad were having parties and they were doing really crazy stuff. He said they were playing ''Edward 40 Hands'' which is where you tape two 40 ounce malt liquors to your hands and you can't take them off until you're done. He said that he invented a system with a string where you can pull down the zipper and maneuver the penis out with the bottle. He said he's like the Einstein of the game. Jonah said that they were having a lot of fun making the movie and they were all just hanging around because no one had a job. He said he would help write the movie. He said he was still living at home at the time. He said that his parents didn't understand why Judd liked him. He said they must have thought he wanted to fuck him or something.
Jonah said that his father had a discussion with him and he was very concerned with him and wasn't sure if he'd be able to support himself.
Jonah told Howard that Superbad came out and he and Michael Cera were friends at the time and they didn't have a lot of girls. Jonah said that he and Michael spent a lot of time together. He said he ended up getting his own apartment. Jonah said he bought a newspaper on August 17, 2007 and the movie was coming out and no one really knew what it was about. He said it was really confusing. He said he had a billboard above his apartment and even that didn't get him laid.
Jonah said that he and Michael went out to get a bite to eat and it was like the Beatles going out. He said people would go nuts when they saw them out. He said that the kid who played McLovin was the same way. He said that they went out on the promotional tour and the movie ruled and played great so people loved it. He said that they'd walk into a Q and A and the people loved them.
Howard asked if he ever had a twosome or threesome. Jonah said that the movie came out and then they got shipped out to Europe the next day. They weren't famous there and he was upset that he had just won the lottery and they were shipping them off to some place that they weren't known. He said that the movie opened in England that weekend and it opened big. He said they got there and they were in the hotel with high school musical kids. He said that he invited some of the kids to see Prince. He said he was like 21 and the rest of the guys were 18. He was the one who could buy booze. Jonah said he got the kids all drunk but didn't fuck any of them.
Jonah said that he did start getting more sexual attention than he ever imagined he would. He said a friend told him a story that really resonated with him. He said this guy was a big guy and he lost weight and became thin and good looking and the girls that hated him started to like him now. He said he hated the girls but they were giving him attention now. Jonah said that he was feeling kind of the same way but not in the exact same way. He said he was angry but it wasn't really toward the girls. He said he went around the country and had some fun out there. He said he talked to his dad about what he was up to and his dad told him to just have some fun. It was a rare opportunity so he should enjoy it.
Jonah told Howard that he had his fun but he's had this girlfriend on and off for years. He said that she let him go out and do his thing and now they're together again. Howard asked if she was there in the green room. He said that's actually his assistant. Howard said he heard she's pretty hot.
Howard asked if he's going to settle down and get married. Jonah said that he's not sure but this girl is the shit. He said he's not sure about the marriage thing.
Howard asked Jonah about hanging out with Brad Pitt on the set of this movie. Jonah said that he didn't smoke weed with him. He said that the movie was serious and they didn't do that kind of thing. He said that Brad and his kids are so cool. He said that Brad is so cool and funny. He said he didn't give him any bullshit. He said that Brad fought for him to get the part.
Howard asked who is a real asshole in the industry. Jonah said that's a dangerous question. Howard asked who they are. Jonah said he doesn't talk shit. He said that no one has been outwardly mean to him. Howard said he knows he's thinking of someone. Jonah said that Howard is making a move now to get him to say something. Howard said he wants to know who has treated him poorly. Jonah said he hasn't really had that happen to him. Howard asked if he wanted to say something about the terrorists attacking us because that seems to get into the news. Jonah said he wasn't going to touch that with a ten foot pole.
Jonah told Howard he's been living at home with his parents again. He said that he has his house being worked on but they told him it would be 6 months and it's been two years now. He said he'd like to be able to take a shower and not have his mom asking him questions.
Howard asked if Jonah is buying big ticket items. He said he's really not. He said making big movies is what he would rather do. Howard said he heard he turned down Transformers. Jonah said that he did but he loves Michael Bay and the movies he makes. He said that it wasn't that big of a deal. He said he called his brother and his brother told him don't do it if he didn't want to. He said it wasn't worth it. Jonah said that he didn't think he'd be into standing gin front of a green screen for 6 months pretending to do things. He said that he was offered good money for that too. He said it was a couple million. Howard asked if it was 5 million. Jonah said he's not going to say exactly what it was but it was a couple.
Gary came in and said that Jonah's brother manages the band Maroon 5. Jonah said that he does and his dad used to manage Guns N Roses. Jonah said that he based a lot of what he did in ''Take him to the Greek'' on what his brother and father do.
Jonah told Howard that P. Diddy took him out on the town to learn what it's like on the road for ''Take him to the Greek.'' He said he was doing the movie ''Cyrus'' at the time and Diddy wanted him to go out with him. He said that he ended up calling him Sean instead of Diddy. He said that he went out to dinner with some friends and Sean wanted him to go out. He said that his friends wanted him to just go out because they found out it was him. Jonah said that they went to his house and asked ''Hey, did someone order 5 Jews?'' The bodyguard didn't even crack a smile. Jonah said they got to the house and waited in the house. He said that they were told Mr. Combs would be with them in a few minutes. He was in a recording studio recording music. He said this is the kind of thing you never see in a movie.
Jonah said Diddy came up and said that they were going to drink. Jonah said he was driving so he didn't drink. He said that Kanye West showed up a few minutes later with a video director. Jonah said that he had to get going after a short time. He said that it was like 10:30 but Diddy wanted to go out and party more. Jonah said that they went out and there were like 8 black guys and 5 white guys. He said that Diddy got in the car with a bottle of vodka. Jonah said that 3 of his friends were in the other car and he was driving with Diddy. He said that he was talking to Diddy in the car and they were playing James Brown Live at the Apollo. He said that Diddy said he was at that concert. He said he knew he wasn't. Then they saw a billboard with Diddy on it and he hangs out the window and yells ''That's me mother fucker!'' He said that Diddy slammed his leg down on the accelerator and then asked if he had ever driven with a gun in the car. He said he hadn't and then one of his guys mentioned he had one too. Then Diddy smashed his leg on the gas more and they were doing like 80 down Sunset Blvd.
Jonah said that he told the writers of the movie about his night out and he said they had to put that in the movie. He said it turns out that Diddy was fucking with him and he was just getting him to react like his character would.
Jonah said that Diddy wanted to take him out to Vegas. He said that he had like 9 of his own friends and Diddy had 9 friends too. He said they went out with him and he travels with more clothes than he's seen in his life. They were only there for one night. He figured he could joke around with them like he jokes around with his friends. They met with Jermaine Dupree and they were in an elevator with like 20 people in it. He said he was drunk and he goes ''Hey, how about I press stop and we all suck each other's dicks.'' He said there was dead silence. He said that shit doesn't fly with those guys. The doors opened after about 30 seconds and his friend wondered what he was doing that for. He said that Diddy pulled Jermaine Dupree aside and said ''that guy is usually really funny...''
Howard said they were running out of time so he wanted to talk about this new movie ''Moneyball.'' Howard and Jonah talked about it being based on a true story and what it's all about. Jonah told Howard about what his character does and he thinks the movie is fucking great. He said that it's fucked up how handsome Brad Pitt is too. He said people are just weird around him. He said that Brad is a movie star too.
Gary came in and said that he really has to go. Gary said that he wanted to know if Brad was a fan of the show. Jonah said that they didn't really listen during the shoot. Howard said he can't believe he didn't smoke weed with Brad. Jonah said that they did drink but they didn't smoke. Howard said Quentin Tarantino told them about smoking with Brad. Howard said Quentin is a wild guy.
Howard asked if Jonah regrets not following that box making carer. Jonah said there are regrets at times. Howard asked about the girlfriend and if he's going to dump her for someone else. Jonah said that they've been together for 2 years now. He said that she had another boyfriend while he was broken up with her. Howard said that he's getting the high sign to get out of there. Jonah said that's bullshit. He wanted to stay.
Howard asked Jonah who he should get rid of from the show. Jonah wasn't sure. He said he has to keep Fred. He said that he loved that they said that Benjy was like Cyrus. He said that he and John Riley would listen to the show during the shoot of that movie. He said that Sal and Richard are great too. He said that maybe JD. He said he was totally kidding. He said even Scott the Engineer is great. He said he wanted to meet him but Scott didn't really say anything to him. He said he tried to make eye contact but Scott didn't bite. Howard said it's hard. Scott said they're not supposed to interact with the guests so that's why he didn't do anything.
Jonah said that he couldn't believe that Ronnie actually lets you into the area there. He said that it was wild to him. Howard asked what kind of money he made for this new movie. He said he did okay but he wasn't sure what kind of money Brad Pitt got. Howard said he loved talking to him and he has to come back in. Jonah said he'll come back anytime they want him. George said he was genuinely hilarious in person. He said he likes him on the big screen but in person he was hilarious.
Howard asked George if he thinks that Jonah has a big cock. George said he would think that he does. Jonah said that he's doing okay. Howard asked how big it was. Jonah said that it's like 19. He was joking. Jonah said that he has an in house seamstress who sews condoms together. He said he really wanted to hang with Sal and Richard for a bit. Howard said he can come up and hang out next time he's there. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he's glad Whitney Cummings is coming in. He said that it's good that he has so many guests because of his stiff neck. He said they can take up some of the slack.
Whitney came in so Howard said that her show is all over the place. Whitney said that it's too much. She said that they have her in the corner of the screen and it's really annoying. She said she's sorry that they're doing that.
Howard asked Whitney about her modeling and why she didn't do more of that. Whitney said she did some modeling when she was young. She said that sort of stuff paid for college.
Howard said that Gary thinks that Whitney is shot out of a cannon today. Howard said Whitney was on the show for the Funniest Hot Chick contest they had and she came in second. Whitney said she wanted to make sure they knew she didn't win.
Howard asked if she's feeling the pressure from this TV show. He said her show is coming out and this whole thing has converged at once. Whitney said Howard called it too. She said that he said that she would be famous very soon and he was right. Howard said he felt that she was acting like a star and he knew that she was going places. Howard said he would fuck her hard if he was single. Howard said one of his fantasies is that he'd hook up with a Whitney and he'd stick it in and she'd love it and they'd be a very powerful couple. Whitney said she wouldn't let Howard wear a condom. She said that she'd take care of the birth control. She said that she'd make sure that they wouldn't get pregnant.
Howard said Beth is the love of his life but if they pretend that he didn't know her he'd want to go out on a date with Whitney. He said he imagines she's good looking naked. She said that it's fine but there's a bit of an adolescent boy thing going on. She said that she feels like she might have some cheese on her thighs or something. Howard said he has Cellulite all over him. Howard said he imagines that they would try out some sex stuff and he'd have fun with her.
Howard said he does find her attractive. Whitney said she finds that very weird. Howard said that he knows guys find her attractive. She said she still finds it odd.
Howard said that they're making Whitney out to be a big deal. They're not even mentioning her last name. NBC seems to be very high on the show and they're really pushing it and promoting it. They put her on Thursday night too. That's a big deal.
Howard said Whitney's show starts tomorrow night and she also developed a show that's on CBS. that got big ratings. The show is ''Two Broke Girls.'' Howard said she wrote that show. Whitney said that she did. Howard said it's a hit too. Whitney said she writes that one with Michael Patrick King. Howard asked if she's spreading herself too thin. Whitney said her schedule is insane but she has 10 writers helping. She said that it really is intense. Howard said that it's unfortunate that the shows came on at the same time. Whitney said that she's putting most of her time in on ''Whitney.''
Howard said he was contacted by Whitney's people to do her show. Howard said that she wanted him to be on the show. Howard said that her idea was to have him come on and she'd bang him after meeting him. Whitney said that the boyfriend actually encourages her to do that. She said that the guy would pimp her out to Howard. Howard asked if they would have had sex on the show. Whitney said they would have. She said that she may have had to back out at the last minute. She didn't think that they would get Howard but she would have made out with him. Howard asked if he would get tittie and ass. She said of course he would. She said they get away with a lot on the show. Whitney said that they have sex in the shower in one episode.
Howard asked what the sex in the shower thing was. She said that they shot it in a shower and she had a little Band-Aid sticker on her vagina in the scene. She said she had nothing on her ass other than a little thong thing. Whitney said that she was in the shower and it did feel like she was naked. Howard asked if she would dump her boyfriend and go out with the fake boyfriend on the show. She said she's his boss so that would be weird. Howard asked about taping it in front of the audience. She said it was sexy and they did it pre-taped so they didn't do that in front of the audience.
Howard asked how her titties look naked. She said they're not big but they're perky. Howard asked if she's had any surgery for the show. She said she hasn't but people think she has.
Howard asked how much sleep she's gotten lately. She said she got like 2 hours last night. She said it hasn't been much sleep at all lately.
Whitney told Howard about how her mom would watch her on her comedy special and ask her about the commercials that ran during the special. She said that she doesn't really compliment her.
Whitney asked Howard about his tweeting and why he hasn't done it lately. Howard said he's done. He said that there's too much negativity. Whitney said she's stuck in that vortex lately. She said she sees like one in 20 are compliments.
Howard asked about Whitney's relationship. She said that she's living with her boyfriend and the schedule is insane. She said that she spends the day with the fake boyfriend and the real boyfriend is like a strange one night stand. She said he's not that upset about the fake relationship. Howard said that would make him insane. Whitney said that she's making out with the guy constantly so it is kind of weird. Howard said that he'd go insane and Whitney said she loves that. Howard said he would have to have her every night to be secure in their relationship.
Howard said he missed Whitney not being on the Charlie Sheen roast. Whitney said that she just couldn't do it with her shooting schedule. She said that she felt that it would be kind of weird if she was on there and shitting on someone when she's doing so well all of a sudden.
Whitney asked Howard what he thinks will happen with her show. Howard said he hasn't seen it yet. He said he will watch it though. Howard said that he is into her and he wants to see her in her sexy nurse outfit in the show. Howard said he would be banging her if he was single. He said she's very talented and funny as hell. He said that he imagines that if she does the show like she does her comedy that it will be a big hit. He said that if she has a good cast then it could be huge. Howard said it seems like the network is behind her. Robin said the show ''Two Broke Girls'' seems to be getting huge compliments.
Howard said that Whitney has to assume she's going to do well. He said they have to wait a couple of weeks to see what happens in the ratings. He said if they drop off 50 percent in the following week then she's fucked. Howard said she needs to know this. Howard said she'll end up becoming a crack addict if that happens.
Howard said he has to prepare Whitney for the worst. He said if the show is huge then she's never going to have to do another roast or work a comedy club again. He said she'll be so rich and so alone. Howard said she'll never have to put up with any bullshit. Whitney said she'll get big titties and get her face all fucked up and have tigers all over the place. Howard said if she fails then she's got to move to another state and go into hiding.
Whitney said she wants to have a hit. She said that the network is really behind her and they have the bar set really high for her. Whitney said that the show is named after her and it has to do well. Howard said the network is kissing her ass right now. She said they've been so supportive and they're letting her do the craziest things.
Howard told her to calm down and try to relax. Whitney said she thinks the show is funny. She said that no one has done what she's done and hasn't gone bat shit insane. She said that she may go insane. Howard said it is hard to turn it out week after week so it remains to be seen. Howard said he's glad he got to talk to her before it goes on.
Whitney said her mother had a stroke so she's kind of out of it. Howard said that he has this neck thing going on and wondered if that's one of the symptoms. Whitney laughed. Howard said his schlong is so hard that it's pulling on his neck.
Whitney said that this whole thing is fun but she has to wait a long time to get a reaction. She said she's feeling a little bit of the jealousy. She said people tell her the reviews are bad and not to listen to the haters. Whitney said she thinks Howard will like it. She said it's kind of edgy and funny and he'll like it. She said every episode is her in a different outfit trying to get the guy to fuck her. Howard said he can't get her show out of his mind. He said they're really pushing it lately.
Howard said he hopes that she'll do well. Whitney said she's sweating like crazy. Howard asked what kind of deodorant she wears. She said she stopped wearing it because it gives you cancer. Howard said he uses Dry Idea and it keeps him confident. He said he tried the organic stuff and it was worse than nothing. He said that he'd rather die than smell bad. He said he went back to Dry Idea.
Whitney said she wipes down with baby wipes every couple of hours instead of wearing deodorant. She said she wipes down in her area a couple of times a day. Howard said he does the same thing. He said he doesn't want any stink. Whitney said they're very much alike. Howard said if she was his girlfriend then they'd be wiping each other down all day long.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Whitney was spanked as a kid and if she likes it now. She said she does like it now but she wasn't spanked as a child. She said she likes being bossed around. Howard said he likes that.
Howard asked Whitney if she likes being spanked during sex. She said she likes the smack and grab of the ass. She said she likes the lower hair grab too. Howard said he doesn't think he could handle her. Whitney said she likes to be shushed in the bedroom too. Whitney said she doesn't talk too much in bed since she talks so much out of bed. Howard asked if she likes gun play. She said she hasn't had that.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who asked if she lets her men get mud on the helmet. She said that she has done that but she hasn't with the current boyfriend. Whitney said that sex is the only time that her mind stops working. Whitney said that the guy comics out there have never wanted her. She said it's odd because they'll fuck just about anyone.
Howard took a call from a guy who just blurted out that Jeff the Drunk is an asshole. Howard moved on and said that he hasn't seen her show yet but he thinks that she'll be okay. Howard said that she just touched her arm pit. She said she's sweating and Howard is making her nervous.
Whitney said she's going to be on Jimmy Fallon tonight, with Jonah, and she's doing the Today Show. She said she thinks that they have a lot of promotion going on and she doesn't want to be too annoying. She said she likes it and she's not selling out or anything. Whitney said she's going to go out of her fucking mind. Howard said the ratings will be huge tomorrow night but in 3 weeks he wants to know if she's going to lose it if they go down. Whitney said that this is a dream and it's so surreal. She said she doesn't want it to end.
Howard said that she's never going to forgive her mother for having a stroke during this. Howard asked where her father is. She said that he's getting married to a woman her age. She said that he's on his 5th wife. She said he crushes. She said that he looks like Dan Aykroyd... a handsome Dan Aykroyd. Howard asked if he ran off when she was a kid. She said that he didn't but he was on the road a lot. She said that she has a sister and a half brother. Whitney said that Howard would like her sister too. Howard asked if he could fuck both of them. She said that they'd have to be in different rooms but maybe.
Howard wished Whitney luck and gave her some plugs. Whitney said that she's been emailing Don Buchwald all the time. Howard said he knows because Don BCC's him on all of them. She said that she's so embarrassed by that.
Howard said that he really would like to go out with her. He was fantasizing about what that would be like and Whitney said that she's not sure if she's sweating or if those are juices coming out. Howard said that he wishes her luck and he hopes that she's a big Whitney Cummings. Howard asked how her nipples are. She said that they fit her breasts pretty well. Robin said she heard that Chaz Bono took her shit off back stage at Dancing with the Stars and it was very weird because she still has women's nipples.
Howard told David to stop being ''Robo David'' on Dancing with the Stars. He said that he feels that someone got a hold of him and told him what to say. David said that no one told him what to say. Whitney said it sounds like someone took more Ambien than she did. Howard said that David is clean and sober for months. David said it's been 8 and a half.
Howard said it's kind of odd that he has Courteney in the audience every time. Whitney said that she has never stayed friends with someone she's had a relationship with. David said that Courteney doesn't love him anymore. He said he is dating or doing something. Whitney asked how old the girls are that he dates. She was wondering because he might be single after this interview.
David said that he still loves Courteney. Whitney said she'd be rooting for them to get back together. David said the romantic part of the relationship died. Whitney said that happens with every relationship in the first year. David said you have to nurture it.
Howard said that he thinks that David's kid was great in the audience. Howard asked what Pee Wee Herman was doing there. David said he's one of his best friends. Howard told him to tell Pee Wee it's getting disturbing and he should just be Paul Reubens.
Howard said that this whole thing is in the bag for David. Robin said he dances beautifully. Whitney said she wants to go out with him when her whole thing falls apart. David said that he'd be the one who could put the gun to her head. Whitney said he seems like a good guy. Howard told her she should bang him. Howard said that Courteney thought he was too child like. Whitney said if you treat him like a man then he will act like a man. She said she thinks she could handle that.
Howard let David go and spent a few more minutes with Whitney. She said hi to George and asked if he was just jerking off back there. He said he was just listening to this interview. He said that he will be watching her show tomorrow night. She asked who has the shinier face. George said she does. She said she wore some luminizer stuff on her face. Howard said that might be why people think she's had plastic surgery. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
After the break Howard came back and had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the list of things they'd be trying to cover on today's show. They spent a little time talking about David Arquette's call and his dancing on Dancing with the Stars.
Fred played Robin into her news with a Little Mikey song parody. Howard had George do a quick announce before Robin got into her news. George did one about the stereotype of Asians eating cats. He said that this is one Asian that will not be caught with a pussy in his mouth. Howard asked how that stereotype started. George said there is a little truth in every stereotype. He said there are some dishes that have cat in them. He said he hasn't had any but he has had horse sushi. He said it's like beef but very tender.
Robin started her news with a story about how doctors no longer have to wait two minutes after someone dies to harvest their organs. Howard said that's just great. He figured that he's going to die for a short time and they'll harvest his organs. Robin said that she's not sure she wants to be an organ donor. She said she just recently had to make that decision and she's not sure she could do it. Robin said that she's going to be dead and they'll start ripping her apart. Howard said he heard that they turn a blank choice into a yes.
Jeff the Drunk called in so Howard picked up and asked what he has to say. Jeff said he had to apologize. Howard said he's so rude and he's so nice to him. Jeff said he wants an apology from Howard. Jeff said he's been with the show for 10 years now. Howard said he's a listeners, he's not ''with the show.'' Jeff said that Howard goes out of his way to help Eric the Midget and maybe he should help him out. Howard said that no one is sitting around thinking about him. He said that the show isn't directed to him. Jeff said he seems to go out of his way to help out Eric the Midget. Howard said Eric is multi-handicapped. Jeff said he helps him out all the time. Jeff started yelling that he doesn't help him out. Howard said Jeff is nasty. He said he calls up and says ''fuck you'' to him. Jeff said that's not the way he is. Howard said he sounded convincing to him.
Howard told Jeff that he's not the only one in the audience. Robin asked why he thinks that he should be compared to Eric the Midget. Jeff said they're both in the Wack Pack. Howard said this isn't going to happen. Robin said if it bothers him then he should stop listening. Jeff said he used to be more a part of the show than he is now. Howard said he's not the only caller. He asked what planet he's living on. He said everyone doesn't want to hear from him every day. Jeff said that he had some comments on Tony Bennett the other day but Howard breezed right by it.
Gary said that Shuli told him that Jeff was complaining about all of the stuff that he's done for the show and he could only mention the time that he was handcuffed to the girl ''and a bunch of other stuff.'' They paid him for being handcuffed to that girl. Jeff said he also fell over at the elevator. Gary said he did that because he was drunk.
Jeff said he's done other things too. Howard asked if he could go now. Jeff said sure. Howard said he doesn't want to be berated. Jeff said ''like I do...'' Howard said he's in a bad mood today because of his neck. Jeff said he hopes he's not the cause of anything. Howard said he wasn't. He said the guy called to complain about not taking his calls. He said they're in a Catch 22 with this whole thing. They went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:30am, Robin got back to her news and read about Derek Jeter breaking up with Minka Kelly and Cameron Diaz and Alex Rodriguez breaking up. Howard said that Cameron is going to hit the wall and wonder what the fuck happened. He said that she goes out with guys that don't want to get married.
Robin read a story about this woman who ran off with the guy from Journey. Robin had more details on the story that she had read about yesterday. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read about Charlie Sheen and how Chuck Lorre tried to block him from being on the Emmy telecast. Robin said that he apparently hasn't gotten over the whole Two and a Half Men thing. Robin said that Charlie was bad mouthing the guy a lot during the battle. Howard said he thought that he had called Chuck by his Jewish name too. Robin said that he did that too. Howard said Charlie shit all over Chuck and Chuck is never going to forgive him. Robin said he could have just let it go but he put pressure on the Emmy people to try and keep him off. Robin said there is still bad blood there that may continue into the future.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Tony Bennett was a great interview and he agrees with him on what he said about the terrorists. He said he thinks that President Bush is a liar, thief and racist too. Howard asked what he agrees with about 9/11. The guy said that we are responsible for our own actions and we were in countries that we shouldn't have been in. He thinks that they thought enough was enough and they had to do something. Howard cut him off and let George talk to the guy for a minute before moving on.
Robin read a story about a woman who had sex with her son's under age friends. Howard said he would be horrified if that happened to him. Howard did an impression of his mother telling him that she had sex with his two friends. Howard had her talking about how he would never be beaten up by those boys again. He had her talking about how she was giving them every input and did everything with them. She talked about how they had to battle through ''the hairs'' down there. He said one held them apart while one put his salami in. Robin said that this woman was arrested when one of the boys let the story out. Robin said that they may have gone on 3-5 years. Robin said that the woman would serve alcohol to the minors at parties she held at her house.
Robin read a story about a person who committed suicide by freeing himself from his parachute while sky diving. He left a suicide note. Howard said that he's ready to jump out a window himself. Robin said this guy was 60 years old. He jumped from about 8,000 feet and he was found in a field after jumping. Robin said he didn't really explain why he killed himself. Howard said he probably got a call from Jeff the Drunk.
Howard had Jeff the Drunk back on the phone. Jeff said he's on SSI and he is disabled. Howard asked why he's bothering him. Jeff said that he's making it sound like he's a leach. Howard said Jeff calls saying ''fuck you'' and berates him for money and that's the definition of a leach. Jeff said he doesn't do that. Howard said he has done that over the years. Jeff said maybe he's done that twice. Howard asked if he can drink beer. Jeff said he can. Howard asked if he can go to the store and buy beer. Jeff said he has. Howard said he's not disabled. Jeff said he can't drive there though. Robin said he lost his license from drunk driving, that's why.
Howard said he has nothing to give Jeff. He said he's going to have to accept no. Jeff said he is but there are a lot of ''varitables'' there. He meant variables. Howard said he's not sure what conclusion he wants. Jeff told him to have a good evening. George said ''evening?'' Howard let Jeff go and did another live commercial.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about the Disney World park adding an Avatar attraction. James Cameron is consulting.
Robin mentioned seeing a movie called ''Sleepers'' and Kevin Bacon was in that and he was very mean in the movie. Howard said he raped one of the kids in that movie.
Robin read about how Chaz Bono is saying that he doesn't want all of the protection he's getting at Dancing with the Stars. Howard said that he really is trying to look like a lumber jack or something. He said they could have taken more time with the breast reduction. He said that he loves taking his shirt off.
Robin read about the end of the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy and had someone commenting on that. Howard did another live commercial after that. Robin had more audio clips of the Don't Ask Don't Tell thing being eliminated. Howard played some more of those.
Robin read about a school board member sexting a teenager. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that. Robin said that the board member was a woman and she sent texts to a 14 year old boy.
Robin read about Michelle Bachman and how she thinks the food industry has too many regulations. Robin said she made the comments in Ohio yesterday. She had audio of that.
Robin had some Rick Perry updates and some news about President Obama not having a good shot at being reelected based on some polls that have been going on.
Robin read about what's going on with Muammar Gaddafi now that he's disappeared. Robin said that the Afghani president disappeared too so she had some news about that and some audio of Obama talking about that.
Robin read about the number of troops we have in Iraq and how the withdrawal deadline is coming up soon. Robin said that they were thinking about leaving just 3,000 troops over there but now they may be having second thoughts about pulling out.
Robin read about how secret drone bases are being set up in Somalia and Yemen. Robin said she's not sure why they're reporting that if they're supposed to be secret.
Robin read about how the jailed hikers in Iran are supposed to be released today. Howard said he'd like to interview those two idiots and ask what they think they were doing. Robin said that their $1 million bail was paid and they were released.
Robin said that there was some buzz about Lady Gaga on the web last night but it turns out she's alright. Robin said there were some phony reports about her being dead but she's just fine.
Robin read about Simon Cowell's new show ''The X-Factor'' and had some audio of Simon Cowell talking about that on Piers Morgan's show. Robin had some audio of Paula Abdul talking about the new show on David Letterman's show and she says that it won't be the same as American Idol and other shows like that.
Robin read about the new movie ''Dolphin Tale'' that's opening this week. Robin had some audio of Chris Christoferson talking about the movie. Howard cut that off pretty quick.
Robin had some audio of Taylor Laughner talking about his new movie ''Abduction.'' Howard cut that one off too and said he really doesn't care.
Robin said that Dr. Drew has another TV show going on. Robin said he's going to be helping people improve their lives. Howard asked if he ever does anything to really help anyone like give them a shot. Robin said he claims he does. Howard said it's such a waste of a medical license.
Robin said that ''Killer Elite'' is opening this weekend. She had some audio of Yvonne Strahovski talking about that. Howard cut it off and started to wrap up. Howard thanked George for being in this week. George said he had fun this week. Howard said he hopes he comes back and sees them again sometime soon. They ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon asked about the Tony Bennett story and how it's being picked up in the news. Gary said he's not sure it's newsworthy. Jon said that anyone who has anything negative to say about the country with the 9/11 stuff it makes news. He said that the fact it was Tony Bennett makes it bigger than it might be if someone else was saying it.
Benjy said that Jon is saying that they're putting a spin on it but he's not sure they are. Jon said that they were saying that they weren't going to buy a Tony Bennett album or go to his concert. He said they're supposed to be reporting the news and not giving their opinions. Benjy said maybe that show is one where they do comment.
Gary said that he thought they were going to be trying to spin it like they made him say something he didn't want to say. He said that can make things hard for them because publicists don't want to bring people there when that happens.
Jon said that David Arquette called in during the show too. He said at one point George Takei didn't realize that Howard was doing a commercial and made some comments.
JD came in so Jon asked him if the news report that Howard played with the guy saying that he wouldn't buy Tony Bennett's album was a news report or an opinion show. JD said it was a news program. He said sometimes they give their opinions though.
Jon asked JD about the look on George's face when he realized he was on the air when he was commenting on Whitney not knowing they were on the air. JD said his eyes were wide open when he found that out.
Jon said they had another great week with George this week. Gary said they did. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Gary said there were things he had to talk to Howard about today but he held off. He said that he did hold back on a guest today and he'll call him on Friday night and pitch them.
Jon moved on to talk about Jonah Hill coming in today. Gary said he was up there once with Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow. He said that they didn't have him in even though they kind of knew who he was. Gary said that Jonah is a big fan of the show. Jon asked if Sal and Richard were happy to hear him asking to meet them. Gary said they were waiting for him to come out when he was done. JD said that Sal and Richard wondered if they could get a picture taken with him. Gary said that Jason said no to them and that was probably the right move. He said he would have let them do it if they had asked him. He said Jason made the best decision and said no just so he doesn't get in trouble.
Jon asked who Sal and Richard asked to take the picture. Gary said they asked Jason to take the picture and Jason said no. He said he thinks that they asked for permission from Jason.
Benjy said he thought they asked to take one with Jonah because Jonah wanted it. Jason came in and said Sal was the one who asked him to take the picture and if it would be okay. He said he's not sure they actually did ask for permission. Jason said that Jonah had to run out so he didn't want to hold him up. He said if Jonah was hanging around then maybe it would have been okay. Gary said they do have a no picture policy too.
Jason had to run in there so JD asked if he was going to be okay. Jason said he was just yawning. It was a long run down there though.
Jon asked if anyone else had tried to pull a move like that. Jason said no one else does. Jason said that he gets the picture request from them when someone says they're a fan of theirs. He said he's surprised that Richard wasn't wearing Superbad underwear today.
Sal came in and said that he didn't want to overstep the boundaries. He said that they were excited that Jonah was saying he was a fan. He said they didn't stand in the hall in the way. He said that Gary told them to come over and say hello. Gary said he thought it would be good for the Howard TV guys. Sal said that he asked Jason to take the picture and he said in that whiny voice that it wasn't the right decision.
Jason told Sal to get over himself. He said he was standing in the hall trying to take a picture with a 20-something year old kid. Sal said that Jason made the right decision. He said that his own brain spins out of control and that's what he's explaining there. He said he was elated thinking about meeting him and he figured they were going to be hanging out tonight. Sal said he thanked Jason for making that decision. He said he can't rely on himself because he goes into that wacky world.
Sal said he has a note on his desk that says ''ASK GARY FIRST!'' and that's become his mantra. He said that he almost got his ass handed to him when he had Howard take a picture of him and Ace Frehley. He said Ace was on the show and he asked if Ace would take a picture with him and he asked Howard to take the shot. Gary dove in and took the picture. Sal said he was only there for 6 months and he thought he was going to be hanging out with Howard back then. He said he knows better now though.
Benjy said Jonah thought that it was odd that Scott wasn't acknowledging him but he was just trying to follow the rules there.
Jon said that there were times when Jonah was trying not to answer some questions. Gary said there were some stories that Will got in the pre-interview and he didn't give away the joke with P. Diddy. He said that was his favorite part of the interview when Jonah told the joke about asking everyone to suck dick in the elevator. He said he laughed really hard at that.
Benjy said that he didn't understand if P. Diddy had the role in the film yet. Gary said he thinks that he did and that's why he was fucking with Jonah.
Jon took a call from a guy who talked about the great stories Jonah had about Dustin Hoffman. Gary said that it really did make it sound like he's a great guy. Gary said that he loved the line Jonah said to the boss about having to go to Dustin Hoffman's house. He said that he told the guy he couldn't even tell him because the story was so crazy that he'd think he was out of his mind.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loved how they keep finding these stars who are fans of the show. He said he bets there are a lot out there like that. Gary said he thinks there are a lot who don't want to say that they're fans and listen every day. Jason said years ago you had to twist their arms to say they're fans. Now they demand cars on the set so they can listen to Howard in the car. Gary said when he started working on the show no one wanted to do the show. Now people like Jonah are thrilled to be there.
Jon said that Jonah was talking about getting famous and getting laid. He wasn't sure how to take that. Jon asked JD if he agrees. Gary said JD is getting more action now than he used to. JD said that of course he is. Gary asked if it bothers him that they want to fuck him because he's JD from the show. JD said it doesn't bother him but he doesn't have a lot of fame either. JD said there are people who have started talking to him because he's on the show.
Gary asked JD how many girls he thinks he would have banged if he didn't get on the show. He was a virgin when he started there. JD said he might still be a virgin, who knows... They went to break a short time later.
Whitney is also a big fan of the show and she as a fan before she was famous. Jason said that they knew she was a fan before she became famous. Gary said he has always liked her a lot. He said that he doesn't know her very well but he has spoken to her off the air. He said that they were talking about Twitter in the green room and how it makes you feel bad about yourself and you stay on it anyway.
Jon said that they're really pushing her show on NBC. They have a lot of ads for it. Gary said that they should stop soon and hopefully it will go on for a while. Jon said it seems like they're pushing for her to be the face of the network. Gary said that they really are all over that network. Jason said that it seems like they're trying to market that big smile of her's.
Jon asked Jason about how Howard was flirting with Whitney. Jason said that she is Howard's type. She's tall, skinny, funny... Gary said she also does a lot of stuff like having her hair pulled and being spanked. Jon wondered if she was putting that on. Gary and Benjy didn't think so. They thought she was being sincere. Gary said he thinks she has a low self esteem thing going on, especially with Howard.
Benjy said that he thinks that she could get laid anytime she wants. Jason said she could do that even before she was famous. He said that if she has two successful shows on TV she'll be able to boss people around and get things made.
Jon said that Whitney has a boyfriend and Howard said he doesn't have a free pass. Gary said he thought he had a free pass with Jenny McCarthy but he got in trouble for touching her breasts on TV. Gary said that his wife brings it up whenever they see her on TV now. He said he was wrong. Gary said he fucked that one up. He said that Mary loves John Stamos and if she wants to feel his tits, that's fine with him. That's her free pass.
Benjy asked what Mary would have done if he did it off the air. Gary said that would have been worse. He said it would be dirty and gross instead.
Sal said he thinks that he'd get thrown out on his ass if he took a free pass. He said that everyone has a free pass and they utilize them when they get a chance. Gary said that's called cheating. Sal said that you make your own free pass. Jon asked what he means. Sal said his wife didn't have a free pass but she took it and he let her pass on it for free. Gary said that sounds like one of those answers you give when you don't know what the answer is. Sal said that his mom gave his dad a free pass when she found out what he was doing and he gave his wife a free pass when he found out about what she did. Benjy asked if he thinks she physically cheated. Sal said he doesn't know. He's just looking at the worst case scenario and figures it can only get better. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard Advises Gary On Making Appearances. 09/22/1999. 9:00am
Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked what happened with Gary over the weekend. He was supposed to be at some event making an appearance but didn't show up on time. Gary said that he got stuck in traffic for 2 hours because of a fatal accident on the highway he was on. He said that he was stopped there on the highway for 2 hours and 40 minutes. He said that the people at the event were very upset but there was nothing he could do about it. He said they got really mad at him and one woman grabbed him by the lapels on his coat and said that he had to give the money back.
Howard told Gary that he should have left about 5 hours early instead of just a few hours. Gary said that would have been ridiculous. He's made the trip a million times and there's never been trouble. He gave himself plenty of time but this one time it didn't work out for him. Gary said that he's still in negotiations with them about what kind of money they're going to pay him. He said he really doesn't care what they give him now because they really weren't that nice to him.
Howard told Gary that he should have left in the afternoon and he would have been there on time. Gary said there was no way he could have predicted that there would be an accident on the way there. He said he's never had this kind of trouble in the past, it was just this one time that he did. Gary said the trip is a 2 hour and 50 minute drive from his house and he gave himself an extra hour to get there. Howard told him he should have gone up early and gotten a hotel room. They went back and forth about that stuff for a few minutes.
Howard told Gary he should probably leave now for his next appearance. He said that if it were him, and he finished work on a Friday morning, he'd drive up early that day to be sure he was there on time for the appearance. Gary said he thinks he's just saying that in hindsight when that's not fair. He said there was some other upsetting things about the whole ordeal but he didn't want to talk about them on the air. He said that it had to do with money and he figured the station up there wouldn't want him to discuss it. Howard let Gary go and had Robin start her news after that.
In this clip Howard was talking to Robin about his book and how Judith Regan was yelling at him to get it done. Howard said he's not done yet. He said he wants a variety of chapters and subjects and he doesn't have enough yet. He said he likes to get to a lot of thoughts and ideas so he's all over the place. Howard said he has a whole picture thing going on too. He has a 32 page color picture insert he has to get done. Howard said that this could end up being 16 chapters. He said he has finished 5 completely and he has another 7 or so that he has to go back and polish up. He said he has about 12 total that are in reasonable shape. Then he has another chapter he finished last night but he has to go over it and fill in the blanks. Sometimes he doesn't finish a sentence. He has to go back and finish all of that.
Howard said he has 4 to 6 chapters that he has in his mind that he'd like to get into the book. He said they're just in his head right now. He has the weekend to write those and get them done. Howard said he has to organize the pictures and cool stuff like that. He has a 5 page insert of a comic book. He took the Fartman script and turned that into a comic book. He didn't change anything in the script. Howard said it was drawn and painted by one of the big guys at Marvel. His first name is Tom and he's really good.
Robin asked what he needed from her. Howard said he knows she didn't think he gave her the proper picture in the last book so he had to get something she likes for this one. Howard said he has one of her that he wanted to use but it's not really her. She's in make up. Howard said he knows she has a lot of pictures so she must have something she wants to use. Robin didn't think that was the case. Howard said if you've been to Robin's apartment you see her walls are wallpapered with pictures of her.
Ralph came in and Howard went off on him for carrying around his pictures. He asked how he got them. Ralph said he's been working on them and he made them. Howard said he did not. Howard said he's a jackass for showing them to everyone. Ralph asked why he's freaking out on him. Howard told him to get out. Ralph didn't understand why he was so upset. Howard called him a homo-boy and told him to get out. Ralph wouldn't leave. He said he didn't show anyone the pictures. Ralph said he had it closed.
Howard said the artist for the Fartman stuff was Tom Morgan. That's why Ralph was in there. Howard said that he didn't ask Ralph to walk around with the Fartman cover. He asked who gave it to him. Ralph said it was Jack Keller who gave it to him. Howard said he shouldn't have that stuff. He said Ralph is stupid with that stuff. He went off on him about that and said Jack shouldn't have given it to him. Ralph said he was showing it to some girls so he could get laid. Howard told him to get out and go figure out how to make his hair look good for tomorrow.
Howard went off on Jack Keller for handing over that stuff to Ralph. Howard said he should go hand them out on the street. Jackie said he could drop them from a helicopter. Howard said Jack was bamboozled by Ralph. He said he's tried to tell him.
Ralph came back in and asked what he did wrong. Ralph said that he just dug out the name of the artist for him. Howard said he's fine now that he has his pictures back. He said that Ralph is running around with that filthy knapsack and he's going out drinking at night and passing out on the street. Howard said he uses it as a pillow when he's sleeping on the street. Howard said Ralph is a kook. He said he wouldn't let him run around with that stuff but he went over to Jack Keller's place and asked him to see the pictures. Howard said he bamboozles people all the time.
Ralph came back in again and asked what he did wrong. He was working on those things. Howard said he did his work and now he can retire. Ralph said the pictures had to be set up. Howard said he an leave now.
Howard said that he was putting the pictures together for the book and he thought about how they should start taking pictures of the guests for the show. He said Ralph volunteered to be the photographer. Howard said Ralph then asked for the camera to use for his own personal photographs. Howard said he was in his office hearing this. He said what went from being easy went to difficult. Howard said that Ralph asked him if he could use the camera at home. Howard said he told him that would be fine but then Ralph asked if the film he bought could be used by him. Howard said that most people would just take the pictures, give him the film and let his assistant develop them. Howard said he told Ralph that was fine but then he made Kathy the staff photographer instead. Howard said it was becoming a big thing when it should have been so easy. He said that he thanked Ralph for his help and told him to forget it.
Ralph said that he didn't say half of what Howard just said he said. Howard asked if he asked if he could take the camera home. Ralph said he didn't. He said he didn't ask about the film either. Ralph said what he remembers is Howard bringing it up first. Howard said Ralph is a user and he's complicating things. Ralph said he was thinking about buying an expensive camera so he was willing to split it. Howard said he doesn't need an expensive camera. He didn't want to split anything with him. Ralph asked why he didn't just say that then. Howard said he's not looking for Ralph to be his photographer now. He said he doesn't have the ability to sit there and teach him common sense. Howard said he's not honest with people and he can't just say things like that to their face.
Howard said that Ralph would end up keeping the camera with him most of the time. Robin said even if it was left there he might not be there to take the pictures. Ralph said he wanted to do it and do it good. Howard said he doesn't want him involved. Howard said he becomes a pain in the ass and that's why people hate him. Howard said he should have just said he'd go buy the camera, a year's worth of film and give him the bill. Howard did his impression of Ralph talking as he was telling him all of this. Howard said he didn't want to worry about the film in the camera and his pictures.
Gambling Dan came in and said that everyone in the office thinks he just wants a free camera and he's never going to be there to take pictures. Howard said Ralph would leave at 8 o'clock and he'll end up taking the camera with him. Then he'll think that a surprise guest is going to show up. Howard said he knows it's going to turn into this big thing with his pictures and the show pictures and all of that.
Howard said this sounded like such a great idea but then the more Ralph talked the more he realized it wouldn't work. He said it was a huge mistake to bring it up. He said he wants nothing to do with Ralph and his camera. Howard said he's not even sure what a camera costs. Ralph said that he was the one who said they could spend $1,000 on a camera. Howard said he wants a $200 camera. He doesn't need a $2,000 camera.
Howard said Ralph talked about taking pictures of his own and he didn't want him running around with his pictures. Howard told Ralph he's done. He said everything started getting really complicated. Howard said Cathy is now the staff photographer. Ralph asked what's going to happen when she's not there. Howard said Steve Grillo will be the one who takes them early in the morning.
Howard told Ralph to go stare at a hair brush. That's his job. Fred played some camera shutter sound effects and said that's a sound Ralph will never hear. Howard said he needs to keep things simple. Howard shut off his mic and told him he's gone. Howard told them to get him out of there. Howard said he had to do a show. Stuttering John came in and asked if he wanted him to wake up Steve Grillo. Howard said Steve crashed on the couch in the jock lounge and he hasn't gotten up. Howard said that's the drunken interns. Howard said Grillo got him breakfast and told him he was in really bad shape. Howard said he didn't want to hear it. Grillo said he was out working all last night. He's hung over. Robin said he's been out late every night this week.
Grillo came in and said he wasn't hung over. He said yesterday just beat the crap out of him. He said he was really busy working and making an appearance. Howard told him to go get some sleep. He said he wants him to sleep so they can wake him again. He said it was sickening to look at him. Howard said he's the staff photographer now. Jackie said that's still better than Ralph. Howard said he just couldn't do that with Ralph. It would have been too confusing.
Howard said he imagines Ralph wanting to add pictures to his portfolio. Howard said he had to take a camera away from him at the Geraldo and Frank Stallone fight once. Ralph came back in and said that he thought it should be caught on film. Ralph said he asked him for the pictures years later. Ralph said he didn't have them. Howard said he took the film and threw it out the window. Howard said it's always a hassle with him.
Ralph said that all of the pictures he has are pictures he's asked him to use. Howard said he doesn't care and he's just not going to deal with it anymore. Howard told him to kiss his photographer job goodbye. Ralph still didn't understand why. Howard said he can imagine him taking shots of Pam Anderson and turning it into a 5 hour shoot. Howard said he just can't do it. He kicked him out again. Howard said he's fired as staff photographer. He said he has no idea when he was going to buy the camera either. Howard said he wanted to buy a $2,000 camera so only he would know how to use it. Howard said then he'd have to be there to use it.
Ralph came back in and said that he wanted the $2,000 camera because they do everything for you. He said you just set it and take pictures. Gary said that the guys are saying that it sounds like Ralph just wanted to get a $2,000 camera for $1,000. Howard said that's basically what it would be.
Howard said he doesn't need Ralph to run around with his camera so he doesn't even have it there. Ralph said he could have just said it was a bad idea. Howard said he knows the camera would never be there when he needs it. They went to break a short time later.
Howard asked the woman if she noticed that the Jews jumped the line or something at the horse club. She said it's just an air and cockiness that she doesn't like.
Howard asked the caller if she has had sex with uncircumcised men. She said she hasn't. Howard said the Jews brought that to people. The caller said she has some Jewish friends who are nice people and they don't have that attitude. She said if they lost the attitude there wouldn't be a problem.
Howard asked if she would make love to a Jewish man. She said she would if she found him attractive. Howard said a big nose doesn't make her legs slam shut then. Howard said they're learning a lot today.
Howard said they have Kurt Waldheim Jr. there and he's going to give the caller some names and she has to guess which one is a Jew. Howard had Fred, as Kurt, do his thing.
Kurt asked what the caller's name was. Her name was Julie so Kurt repeated it as ''Jew-ly.'' He said that he had a word, Schvigga, that she had to guess the meaning of. It turns out it means mother-in-law. Howard said she didn't win the prize because she guessed it was a derogatory name for a black person. Howard let Julie go and asked Fred to use that word in a sentence. Fred said that he has to go visit his Schvigga. Howard wrapped up after that.
Comedian Jon Stewart Comes In. 09/22/04. 7:55am
Howard brought in Jon Stewart after the commercials. He said that you'd think that Jon's show ''The Daily Show'' was the greatest thing on earth the way people talk about it. Howard thought that Jon was done with the show because he hasn't been on in a while. Jon said he's never done with Howard's show though. Jon remembered the time he was on for the Gay Dance Party. He danced with Fred and remembered Fred talking to him during the dance and asking him if he likes dancing and movies like he would do if he were dancing with a chick. Howard remembered that gay dance party as well and how uncomfortable it was to dance with dudes while the Goo Goo Dolls performed. Jon brought up Gay Ramone and the outfit he was wearing that day. He was wearing a cod piece that was poking people in the ass as he walked around. Jon said coming back to the studio was like revisiting the scene of a crime.
Jon thinks that the Gay Dance Party changed everything for the guys who were involved. Howard said he was dancing with Jackie that day and he didn't think that he should be with just one guy so he switched off with other guys. Artie wasn't working there yet but he remembers listening while he was living out in Los Angeles.
Howard asked Jon about the Emmy Awards that he won the other night. He said that he seems to be kind of uncomfortable accepting awards like that. Jon said that it's all a crap shoot and you don't feel that different when you win. He hadn't prepared a speech that night but he knew he had to thank certain people. Howard asked him what he meant when he asked people not to ''poach his writers'' while making that speech. The two of them tried to figure that out but the just ended up joking around.
Howard asked Jon what his work day is like over there at The Daily Show. He gets to work around 10:30 and they shoot the show at 6:30 in the evening. John said he's usually home by 8:30 or so. Howard was serious about the questions but Jon thought it was kind of boring or something. Howard really was interested in finding out what they do over there though. Jon said he is kind of a perfectionist about the show and he is a hard ass about some things over there.
Howard asked Jon about who goes out to the Emmy Awards with him. Jon said that the whole crew gets to go with him out there and they bring about 70 people. Scott DePace's wife works on Jon's show so Jon told Howard how Scott showed up looking like he was ''going to camp'' the night they were going to the Emmy's. Jon said he asked him what he was doing and Scott said he decided not to go.
Howard asked Jon about the celebrities he met out there at the Emmys. Jon said he gets a lot of feedback about the show out there and a lot of people say they TiVo the show so they can watch it. He finds that hard to believe. Howard said he's never seen the show himself because he doesn't even know what time it's on.
Jon talked about the interview he had with John Kerry recently. Howard said he would like to have Kerry on now to shamelessly plug him to help him win the election. He was offered Kerry during the primaries but turned him down because they thought that Howard Dean was the guy. Jon is a Kerry supporter so he and Howard spent a short time talking about that.
Jon talked about some of the people he sat near at the Emmy Awards show on Sunday. He mentioned James Spader so Howard said the guy did a good movie that was really weird. It was called ''Secretary.''
Howard said that Artie was kind of mad that Jon won the two Emmy awards. Artie said he's not mad about that, he just doesn't get why they get so much positive press. Howard told Jon that he's going to start TiVo'ing the Daily Show now that he's won the Emmys but Jon told him it's not worth learning how to TiVo just to watch that show. Howard told Jon that he knows how to use the thing already and he wouldn't believe the kind of crap he records on his TiVo. He jokingly said he's got so much gay stuff on there that the TiVo people sent him a letter that said ''Fag'' on it.
Artie said that it's funny that Scott DePace's wife works for a show that has been called the best TV show on while Scott works on a show that has been called the worst. That led to Howard talking about how people treat him because so many people dislike him. Jon gets nothing but positive press. He talked about the time TV Guide put him on the cover but didn't put him on every cover that week because they didn't want to offend people.
Jon and the writers from his show have put out a book, ''The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents America (The Book) : A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction,'' and that's what Jon was in to promote today. He told Howard about it and said that Wal-Mart won't carry the book because there's a picture in the book of the Supreme Court Justices naked. Howard told Jon how Wal-Mart did something like that with his book that was a best seller. They actually changed the best seller list to make it appear that his book wasn't on there.
Howard took a few phone calls for Jon after that. A couple of people told Howard how good The Daily Show is. Zolar called in doing his female voice. He told Jon that he went out with him years ago and they had a baby together. Zolar eventually broke into his deep voice and let Jon in on the joke. Howard took a couple more calls and gave Jon some plugs for the book and a book signing he's doing at Borders books at the Time Warner Center tonight. Jon also told Howard about his 11 week old baby. Jon talked about how his wife was in labor for like 40 hours or something like that. He spent his time up by her head and didn't watch the other end. They want to have another one now but Howard thought that he shouldn't ruin his life anymore than he has already. Jon said that the two of them are like the same losers who go to work and don't do anything else. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later and went to break.
CP Kids Sean And James Need Dates. 9/22/00. 7:20am
These two kids who suffer from Cerebral Palsy called in to try and get dates. They each had lists of women they read who they would like to go to their high school prom with. The guys said that they go to a regular school but the girls don't want to date them. One of the kids said that he could have gone out with another CP girl but he wants a regular girl. They told Howard that they were both stricken by CP because of a lack of oxygen at birth. One of the kids sounded worse than the other though. They both said that from their waists up they're pretty normal but they can't stand up.
They both gave their lists of women and they included women like Houston the porn star and a bunch of other women like that. After a few minutes of talking to them a 17 year old girl by the name of Jerri called in and said that she and her friend would date them. Howard asked her a couple of questions and the guys sounded in to it so he put them all on hold to set up the date. The girl said that they're both blond and really cute. Howard's not taking her word on that though. We'll find out more after the date.
Howard asked Joe if he's partying this morning. Joe said that he made a list of things to talk about. Howard said he wanted to know if he did any drugs last night or did he just drink. Joe said ''oh come on.'' Robin said they're trying to bring honesty back to radio. Joe said that he drank beer, that's it. Howard asked if he picked up any girls. Joe apparently didn't hear that. Howard said he loves this guy. Joe said he has been drinking beer waiting for them to call.
Howard asked Joe if he picked up any broads. Joe said he didn't get a chance. He said his old lady is there. Howard asked if that's his wife. Joe said he doesn't know. Howard asked to speak to her. Joe put her on the line and Howard asked if she's the one from Santa Barbara. She said that she's the same one. Howard said she must be so fine. He said that Joe wouldn't be with any slouch. Howard asked what cup size she was. She said that it doesn't matter and it wasn't any of his business. Howard said it really isn't. She asked Howard how big he is. Howard said flaccid he's about 3 inches. Robin showed him a ruler and Howard said it might be 2 inches. Howard said full he might be able to fill a 6 inch ruler.
Joe got back on the line and said that was Lisa they were just talking to. Howard asked if she has a great body. Joe said she does and he should see her.
Joe was asking Howard questions like ''Why can't Billy Ocean swim?'' and also wondered who gives drug tests to the people who give people drug tests. Joe had a bunch of questions like that. Howard spent another couple of minutes with Joe and then Joe said he had to get going. Howard said that must be the life they all want. Howard said he's porking some broad in a hotel room in Dallas. Robin said that's not what she wants. Howard told her not to knock it until she's tried it.
The Big Foot Password Game With Angelique Morgan. 09/22/08. 9:10am
Howard said that they were going to get into the Big Foot Password game now. He said that Big Foot is going to be playing with porn star Angelique Morgan. They will have to give each other clues and try to figure out what the other one is giving clues to.
Big Foot and Angelique came in a short time later. Howard said that Angelique is beautiful. Big Foot said that he would mess with her anytime. Big Foot said that he could see that in his bedroom.
Howard spoke to Angelique for a short time and asked her if she's still doing porn. She said that she's actually on a reality show and not doing porn. She's on the Brett Michaels show but she got kicked out when she got completely naked on the show. Howard said that you'd think that would attract Brett and not scare him off.
Angelique said that today is her birthday today. She was upset that Will the Farter stole that from her today. Howard sang Happy Birthday to her with the Will the Farter farts playing in the background. Big Foot asked him if he was black or something because they never did that for his birthday. Howard had no idea what he was saying there.
Howard asked Angelique how old she is. She said that she's 27. Howard said that she has been out of porn because she's doing all of the reality shows. She's going to be on the Rock of Love Charm School special with Sharon Osbourne.
Howard thought that Angelique has had her lips enlarged even more since last time but she said they're the same as they were last time. Howard said that Big Foot probably wouldn't know what to do if she gave him a blow job. Big Foot said that he's had a few blow jobs lately.
Big Foot had some trouble understanding what Angelique was saying so he appeared a bit confused a couple of times. Howard asked Big Foot about the blow jobs he's been getting and asked what he pays. Big Foot said that he pays them whatever they want. He had to give one girl a laptop computer but he got to be with her all night long.
Howard said that Angelique has been having some trouble finding a man. She said that she hasn't gotten laid in about 8 months now. She said that the guys that she meets are super gay or already taken. Big Foot interrupted and said that they sell girls up in Newport for $200. The two of them were talking over each other like crazy.
Big Foot said that he was at a pub up in Newport and this guy was trying to sell his wife to him or something crazy like that.
Howard told Big Foot and Angelique that they were going to play to split $2,500. He gave Angelique a plug for her web site ClubAngeliqueMorgan.com before getting into the game.
Big Foot and Angelique were talking over each other again and Big Foot told her to stop speaking Spanish and speak English. She had a heavy French accent but wasn't speaking Spanish or French. Angelique said that she'd like to get her own VH-1 show sometime but she's taking baby steps right now.
Howard asked Big Foot some questions about his legal problems. Big Foot said that he's taken care of all of that stuff and they found that he's ''uncompetant.'' He said that means he doesn't know what's really going on. Artie told him that's very ''untelligent'' of him. Big Foot said he still thinks of Artie when he's taking a shit.
Howard read some notes about Big Foot and what he's been up to. He found an apartment to live in but he claims it's full of bugs. Big Foot said that his neighbors are horrible too and they have threatened his life it is. He said they don't like him being on Howard's show. He said they report him and people threaten his life ''it is.''
Howard asked Big Foot about the people who live in this town he lives in. Big Foot said he has a lot of problems and what he was just saying was the start of it.
Big Foot said that he has the real tape of the 9/11 attacks and said that the president is involved in the whole thing. He said that he got the video at the place where they got tape of him it is. Big Foot said that he calls himself Bush and Clinton and he's a two headed monster. Big Foot said that he has two names and President Bush has a problem with him because he's got two names also.
Big Foot has referred to Vermont as being a single person before so Richard was on the phone as ''Vermont'' and arguing with him about various things. Big Foot said that he has a lot of problems with Vermont and talked about some of them with ''Vermont'' on the phone.
Howard said that Big Foot has been charged with some knife thing. Big Foot said that he has had some problems with people and the cops tell him to just handle it himself. When he does he ends up getting into trouble.
Howard asked Big Foot what he would do if he could be with Angelique. He said that he might eat her out and nibble on her tits and stuff like that. Angelique told him he can keep dreaming.
Angelique said that she goes for looks first and not money or anything like that. She said that Big Foot isn't her type.
Howard started the game and gave Angelique her first word. It was Nun and she had no idea what that was. Howard said they would throw that one out and move on to the next one. Angelique gave Big Foot a clue and he tried to guess but Big Foot was throwing out full sentences instead of just one word answers. Angelique gave Big Foot ''Female, Orgasm, Sex'' and Big Foot didn't have a clue what she was trying to get him to say. Robin guessed it was a ''clitoris'' and she was right.
Howard said that Will was going to whisper a word to Big Foot and he would have to give Angelique clues. Big Foot tried it and said ''somepen' you watch'' instead of a one word clue. She guessed it was TV and got it right. Howard said they get to split $500 for getting each one right.
Howard went back to Angelique and gave her another word. She gave Big Foot clues like ''pussy, female, orgasm.'' Big Foot didn't have a clue as usual. He thought he had given the answer by saying ''pussy'' but they were actually looking for ''vagina.''
Howard said they were going to put the rest of the money on this last word. He said that Big Foot had to stick to one word clues though. Big Foot said he was hard of hearing and didn't know that. Big Foot gave her ''space, stars, moon.'' Angelique guessed it was space or sky. It was actually ''astronaut.'' They didn't get it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that both of them were retarded. Artie said that one was retarded and the other one was French.
Howard gave them another word to try and win the whole $2,500. Angelique tried to give some clues but Howard suggested that Angelique take off her clothes. She took her top off and Howard said she did have nice boobs. He told her to concentrate and give more clues. She gave words like ''Halloween'' but Big Foot didn't know the answer. He guessed it was Trick or Treat. She said ''scary'' and Big Foot said ''Herman Munster.'' He was close so they tried to tell him he was close but without the Herman. Big Foot was clueless and didn't get it.
Howard gave them another word trying to give them this $2,500. Will gave Angelique the word and she said ''Frankenstein.'' Big Foot said ''aminal'' and missed it. Angelique said ''scary'' and Big Foot thought it was Herman Munster again. They had given them Monster again but Big Foot still didn't get it.
Howard kept saying this was the last word but he'd give them another one if they missed it. Big Foot gave her the clue ''scary'' and she guessed it was Monster. They won the $2,500 and but they had to split it. Big Foot said he doesn't know how to do math very well so he told her she had to split it. She knew it was $1250 but Artie told Big Foot he gets 5 bucks.
Big Foot said that he needs a Howard Stern radio for inside his apartment. Howard told Big Foot that the last time they gave him a lot of money he had all kinds of problems with women trying to steal it from him and stuff. Big Foot said that won't happen again.
Howard got in some plugs for the movie Eagle Eye since they were the sponsor for this game. He took some calls after that. One guy, Patrick, called in and said that he was the guy who tried to go up and help him out. Big Foot said that he took something from him and sold it. Patrick said that Big Foot keeps calling him and bothering him and his wife. Big Foot said that he's going to keep calling him until he changes his number. Big Foot said that he was harassing him and now it's his turn to harass him.
Howard asked Pat what went wrong with his trip up to help him. Patrick said that he drove 30 straight hours to go up and help this guy. He said that Big Foot was covered in fecal matter and he wanted him to drive him down to New Jersey from Vermont. He said that Big Foot was a mess and he couldn't put him in his car. Howard asked Big Foot if he rubbed doody on himself. Big foot said he couldn't remember.
Big Foot claims that this guy stole his medication card and it took him months to get it back. Big Foot said that if someone makes a disgrace out of him then he'll do the same to him. He said that he's been trying to call him for months now and he just doesn't call back. Patrick got in a plug for his book The Mountain Mafia before Howard let him go.
Howard asked Big Foot if he's going to stop calling this guy. Big Foot said he's going to call him at all times of the day and night and when he least expects it.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing clips of Artie asking how long he had to wait for the five grand. Big Foot argued with the audio clips not having a clue it was audio clips. Howard wrapped up with them a short time later and went to break.
Stuttering John's Ass The Subject Of The Morning..Again. 9/22/00. 6:05am
Stuttering John's hemorrhoid was the major subject of the morning again. Howard had a guy on the phone who said he'd pay $10,000 to see it but there was one stipulation. He had to be able to meet Robin Radzinski. Howard said he could set that up but John would have to agree to it also. John came in and said that he's still not going to take the money. It's still to personal to him. He said the 'roid is so uncomfortable that he was unable to sleep last night. He has to keep his legs in a position so that they don't rub his 'roid the wrong way. He can't have sex either. Howard told him he's got to change his diet and he's got to stop pushing when he's on the bowl. Howard and Gary came to an agreement that the money they're offering John to see his ping pong sized hemorrhoid is way too much. Gary was only paid $20,000 to see a dopey tape he made for his girlfriend and that's where John's offer is heading. Howard called off the whole offer this morning.
This discussion led to Howard talking to John about his alcohol consumption. John doesn't think this stuff has anything to do with his ass problems. Howard and Gary told him that he's an alcoholic and asked him if he'd be able to stop for a month. John says he can do that but he has no desire to do it. Gary admitted that he's addicted to cigarettes again but John won't admit that he's an alcoholic. He says he doesn't drink every day.. just Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. John also revealed that he's been sick and he's fighting the illness with antibiotics. Howard told him that's another problem with his health. He said he should let his immune system cure him. John said that he tried vitamin C but that didn't work this time. Howard said that vitamin C causes diarrhea and that won't help his ass problem.
Gary tried to help John out by giving him some advice but John wouldn't listen. He kept bringing up the fact that Gary is addicted to smoking and he's trying to tell him how he shouldn't keep drinking. Gary said that he knows that he's an addict but he's not in pain at this moment. He was just trying to help John out by having him stop drinking. It wasn't sinking in to John's head though. Gary eventually got fed up and said that he had 3 words for John and he'd leave the studio. He said that any doctor would tell him that his major problem is ''You don't listen.'' He then walked out of the studio. Shortly after that Howard kicked John out of the studio.
Howard asked Brian to say some stuff that they say on Star Trek since he sounds kind of like Scotty. Brian did say a line for him. Howard seemed to like that.
Howard said Brian's work is great and he must know that already. Howard asked how he got in AC/DC. Brian said something that Howard didn't understand. He had to ask him to speak slowly for him. Howard asked if he porked any of the groupies. Brian said he didn't but then he said he should probably say he did thousands of them.
Howard asked Brian if he has kids. Brian said he does have a couple of girls. Howard and Brian talked about American TV and how many advertisements there are there.
Howard said he wanted to sing with Brian. He wanted to sing ''You Shook Me'' but Brian said no. He said he sounds like a dog with a carrot up its ass when he sings in the morning. Howard said he wanted to sing anyway.
Howard had Fred play guitar and asked Brian to sing. Howard started to sing and when he asked Brian to sing Brian didn't make a sound. Robin ended up singing instead. Brian started to sing a little bit. Brian said that he forgot the words. Howard cut himself off and asked what the hell he was doing.
Howard said he has to believe there are some people out there who want to ask him some questions. Howard said he had to take a break and then take some phone calls.
After an edited out break Howard came back and said that the Rock and Roll Madam was in there telling Brian how much she likes AC/DC. Howard said she made it with all of the guys in Toto. Howard said that's what she mentioned on the air the other day. Robin said that's not exactly what she said.
Brian was telling Howard some stuff thinking he was off the air but Howard told him they were actually on. Howard said Madam looked really good today. Robin said she was in the paper yesterday. Howard told her to go ahead and throw her breasts into Brian's face. Brian asked Howard why he didn't tell him that he was back on the air. He said he wouldn't have cursed.
Howard was doing a commercial for a cellular phone so he asked Brian if he had one. Brian said he doesn't believe in it. He said when he goes for a drive he wants to get away from everyone. He said in England you have to pull to the side of the road to use one.
Howard took some calls and let some fans ask Brian some questions. One guy asked about the hat he wears. Brian said that's the kind of hat they wear over in his country. One caller asked when they're coming back to Philadelphia. Brian said as soon as they can get back there they'll go. He said they had a great time there.
Howard took a few more calls and let some fans ask some questions. Howard said he had to go to the bathroom so he had to play a song. He said he was going to play ''Who Made Who.'' Howard was about to play it and Brian seemed to think they were off the air again. Howard said once he figures out when they're on the air things will be fine. They wrapped up a short time later.
Fred played his guitar and Howard and Pat sang ''Twist and Shout'' together for a short time. Howard said he doesn't know what song Fred was playing. He had some trouble singing so he blamed it on Fred. Howard said Pat did just fine. Howard said he just got a note about the Isley brothers throwing themselves in front of a bus after hearing that song.
Howard asked Pat what she does all day. Pat said she and her husband spend the day recording together. Howard asked about her kids and how old they are. Howard said he has a couple of young kids and Pat's kids are pretty young too.
Howard asked Pat about hanging out at home with the kids and things like that. Howard asked Pat about the person who takes care of her kids and if they have hair on their head. Howard said that he asks these questions because he makes a living be a jackass for a living.
Howard said that he had a TV deal with FOX that fell through the roof. He said he knows how Pat must feel talking to a radio guy like him.
Howard said he asked the hair question because there is now a way to grow hair on a person's head. He talked about that for a minute.
Howard said that Pat opened the door for a lot of women. He said she led the way. Robin said she's such a ground breaker. Howard said she didn't break open the door for Yoko though.
Intern Week: John Ditches Stuttering Vic, September 22, 1994. 06/01/11. 9:40am
Next up we heard a segment where Stuttering Vic talked about how John ditched him at an interview they did. Howard went off on John about ditching the guy and said he knows he doesn't want to teach him the ropes so that's why he did it. John said he swears he didn't do that. He said he got in and Vic didn't. Howard told John that's just not right. Mike Gange said that Vic just couldn't get in and John didn't ditch him. Gange said they were outside for a good 5 minutes before they went in and Vic never found them.
Howard played the interview that John did with Hugh Hefner. John asked Hugh a bunch of questions about his stroke, photographing women with their tampon strings hanging out, and things like that. Hugh stuck around and answered all of his questions.
Howard said he had about a hundred more for the guy but he didn't think he'd get past the second one. Howard said he digs that guy.
Gary said John ran into a protester after the interview and spoke to her. John said she was a cute girl too. He said that she was holding up anti-pornography signs and stuff there. Howard played that clip next. John was asking this woman what she was protesting. She said they were protesting Hugh Hefner for exploiting women. She said that they are being used as sexual objects that men can degrade. John asked if she was opposing Playgirl magazine too. The woman said that men are not degraded the way women are every day but they're not in favor of that. John asked her what she thinks of Howard Stern. She said ''Very little.'' Howard said she's very angry. John said she was very cute and he did ask her to give him a kiss. Howard played the rest of the clip and John asked her more about Howard before asking to pose for a picture with her. He even gave her a huge. John said she wasn't too happy about that. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Various Stuff. 9/22/00. 6:40am
Howard spent a few minutes talking about Jackie's CD release party that he had last night. Howard said he showed up for about 2 minutes but the party wasn't that great so he left. He said it was held at the Friars club and there were a bunch of people there who Jackie didn't even know. Howard said they asked him to take pictures with them so he did that to be nice but he didn't stick around. Howard also said that there was no food to eat and you had to pay for your own drinks. Robin said she only spent about 15 minutes there. Gary said that later in the night the party turned in to a real party. He also brought up something Jackie introduced at the party. It's a Joke Karaoke thing called KaraJokie. You go up on stage and tell Jokes while reading them like you'd do to a song in Karaoke. Gary said it was actually pretty funny to see an old woman yelling out the F word while telling one of Jackie's jokes. Jackie is hoping to make some money off of this new invention. Howard said he's like Ralph Kramden from the ''Honeymooners''. He's always got these wacky business ideas.
Benjy's Special Dietary Needs. 09/22/08. 8:15am
After the break we heard some prank calls Sal and Richard made to the public access TV show ''Beyond.'' Fred played some Bon Jovi as they were coming back. Howard said that he had some new porn clips to play. The clip was from a Czechoslovakian porno that the guys found. It was a bunch of guys cumming on a chick at the same time. Robin didn't hear him introducing the clip so Howard had her guess what they were doing. Howard joked that it was the final day at Yankee stadium and it was all of the people who showed up at 1 in the afternoon.
Howard had another porn clip from an American porn where the guy sounds like he's dying. The guy was kind of choking and grunting and it did sound like he was being choked to death or something.
Howard said that he's having his wedding and he's excited about it. They were just going to have a dinner with friends but there are some things that are irritating him. He said he's got special meals for Robin and Toni who are vegetarians. Howard said they found out that someone else has a special request for food. It turned out it was Benjy and Gary guessed correctly with that.
Howard said that Benjy requested the vegetarian meal. Benjy said he didn't really request it, he was asked if he wanted the regular meals and he just picked it. Benjy claims that he doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't eat pork or cheese so he picked the vegetarian.
Benjy told Howard ''Fuck you man!'' so Howard told him to get out of the studio but he laughed when he said it. Benjy claims that he doesn't have any special dietary needs. He said that he was pulled aside by JD to find out if he had any special dietary needs. Howard wanted to know why JD was asking him that.
JD came in and said that Beth asked him to ask them there if anyone had any special dietary needs. JD said that he just asked Benjy what Beth wanted him to. Howard said that JD has to be wrong about what was in the e-mail.
Howard said that he's taking that request back and he's going to get a regular meal just like everyone else. Benjy said he won't eat a regular meal. Howard told JD to print out the e-mail he got because he's sure that he got it wrong. He said he's going to back out of this whole thing if that's really what happened.
Howard described what was in the video preview that he saw. He said the chick in the movie had a nice body but she had a few zits on her chin. John said that he thought the last scene was great. He said they worked on it for 12 days. John said he was drained from doing it so much. Howard said he thought he had gone homo because that thing didn't seem to be working.
Howard did more of his impression of John and described what was going on in the scene. He said John looked pumped up for the movie. He said that the woman started to kiss his underpants. Howard said he thought John had a big one. That was the impression he had anyway. Howard said it was shocking to see John's wee-wee. He said it's not as big as you expect it to be. Howard said he might be bigger than John. He said John might be wider but he thinks he's longer.
Howard said they give you a good long look at his penis since it is a porno. Howard said the thing looks like it points in the wrong direction. John said it's still healing. It's supposed to take like 2 years to heal and it's only been a year.
John told Howard about some of the scenes he did and what they were like. He said that he was with this hot chick and then he saw Ron Jeremy standing a few feet away naked. John said that Ron wanted to get into it somehow so that's why he was there naked. Howard said he couldn't handle being in the same state as Ron Jeremy naked. John said that Ron was playing with himself there in the room. Howard said that has to be disturbing. Howard said he would lose total confidence in himself if he saw that.
Howard played a clip from John's movie that featured John and this Jordan chick. Howard described what was going on in the scene as it was playing. Howard also described the look of John's penis. Howard said he may not be more than an inch. Howard said he's like a normal guy and not like a porno star. Howard said that John was shaved down too. He said that they must have done that to make it look bigger. Howard said the penis looks like it was sewed up during the Civil War.
Howard said he didn't see more than this one scene in the movie. He thinks that they're going to sell a ton of the movies though. John said that Ron wanted him to do more scenes but he was worn out after those 12 days. Howard said he wouldn't have any trouble getting it up if he had sex twice a day for 12 days. John said he's not at his peak anymore so he was worn out.
Howard said the girl in the movie has the zits on her chin and John has that weird looking penis. He said it's a strange thing to see.
Howard said he was going to take a break and bring in the girls from the video. Howard said that he may even have to bring in Ron Jeremy. John didn't want him in there. He said he was just kidding but it sounded like he didn't want him in there.
Howard talked to John about the money he got from this movie. John said he gets a percentage of the sales. He also got a flat fee. He said it wasn't a million bucks or anything. John said that Jack Gordon is helping him out handling all of that. Howard said he's in good hands then.
Howard said he was going to bring in the girls that were in the movie with John. He asked if everyone got AIDS tests before doing it. John said they all got checked. He said that he and one of the girls got together off the set and they had some fun at her hotel. Howard said that she must be used to the guys who are hung like mules and it must have been more comfortable for her. John said that's right.
Howard had the guys bring in some of John's co-stars. They met Letha Weapons and Jasmine Allure. Howard talked to the girls about what it was like shooting the movie with John. Howard said Letha is a HHH cup and he said he has missed them. Howard met Tiffany Lords next. Howard asked if John fell in love with her. John said he didn't meet her until later. He said that they had sex off camera too. He said they did a shower scene off camera. Howard said she's a knock out and he can't believe she's in porn. Howard said she should be in the marrying rich guy industry. Tiffany said that she's just starting out. She was a DD cup. Howard said he would like to see her underwear too. Tiffany gave him a view.
Howard talked to the girls about the problems they had getting John off. One of the girls said it took two days for him to finish with her. Howard said he has to be bigger than John. One of the girls said that it's not the size that matters. It's the way you make it work. Howard said he likes this one.
Howard asked who else was there. They mentioned Ron Jeremy was there. Howard asked if the girls would do a lesbian scene for him. The girls were up for it so Howard had them mess around. Letha and one of the other girls messed around a little bit. Howard said they went right into it. Jackie said there was no preamble at all. Howard said these are the kind of girls he likes. Howard said they weren't kissing on the mouth but they said they would and went right into that too.
Howard said he was aroused. He said he can't believe that John took 12 hours to get excited. Jasmine said it didn't take that long with her.
Howard found out that Tiffany was a virgin until 18 and she's only 20. She said she lost her virginity at 18 and she wanted to be an exhibitionist. Howard said she had to be popular in high school. Tiffany said she wanted to go crazy so that's what she did. Howard asked if she grew up in a small town. She said she grew up in Miami. One of the girls said she was molested at the age of 13. She said that the guy was a shoe salesman. She said the first guy she had was 18 and he was the preacher's son.
Howard said he'd bring Ron Jeremy in for a second before wrapping up. Howard said that John doesn't seem to like him but he'll bring him in anyway. Ron came in and told Howard that John basically wrote his own script. He said that he said he had script approval but he wrote the whole thing. John said that they figured it all out and they're friends now. He doesn't have a problem with Ron. Someone told Howard that Letha threw up after having sex with Ron. Letha said that she did get sick but she's not saying that it was Ron. She said it was a hot day and she ended up throwing up. Howard asked if she did it on camera. She said she didn't actually throw up. She said she got ill. Ron said he would have thrown that out if they had gotten it on camera.
Howard asked Tiffany what kind of money she can make doing this. Tiffany said it all depends on the person and what they do. She said she didn't make much. Howard asked if it was like $1,200. She said it was around that much. She said these things can help make you popular so that's why they do them so cheap.
Howard had Jack Gordon's son come in. He's the one actually managing John Wayne Bobbit. Howard asked if he speaks to his dad. He said that he does and the situation with Latoya Jackson changes every day. Howard said he spoke to Latoya and she told him she wants him out of the house. The son said that she may change her mind on an hour to hour basis.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Ron and the girls. Howard said that Robin has to see John's penis. One of the guys said that they've had a huge pre-sale order so far and they should do very well with the movie.
Howard talked to John about his ex-wife and what was going on with her. John told Howard that he thinks she lied on the stand and so did her friend. He said that he spent 12 days in jail and he ended up meeting this guy in jail that was just like Butt-Head. Howard asked the girls if they'll hook up with John. They said they're still friends with him. Howard wrapped up a short time later.
This Week in Howard History was over around 11:50am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:35am.