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Playboy Cyber Club
Howard started the show doing his phony DJ voice and talking about DC-101. Howard said he's not sure why that came out. Robin was wondering why he was doing that and doing his own voice. Howard said Sal and Richard called Tradio again and the announcers are funny there. Howard said they keep that voice going even when they're mad at them for calling. Howard did an impression of them not coming out of that voice.
Howard played a clip of this guy from a Swap and Shop show where the host is doing that goofy DJ radio voice. Howard goofed on that guy and did more of that awful DJ voice. Howard said he used to have to sit in meetings about that kind of shit where they would talk about the things they were supposed to say on the air like ''Kick ass Rock and Roll.'' They thought a slogan like that would get big ratings. Howard said it turns out they needed them to do a show there to get ratings.
Howard said one program director had a 5 point plan to get ratings. He said one of them was that they needed electricity to run the radio station. He said they needed signal strength too. He said he thought that sounded pretty obvious to him. He said he didn't think they had to sit in a meeting on a Sunday for that. Howard did an impression of that guy talking about his 5 point plan and how he never brought up the good morning show that would really make the station. Howard said the would talk about how they needed good programming. Howard said the guy would pull them in on a Sunday morning to talk about these things.
Howard said the guy was that lame. He doesn't remember exactly what it was but it was lame stuff like that. He said it was signal strength that he was worried about. Howard said he had a big cigar and he would talk to them like the voice he's doing.
Gary came in and told Howard that he had to shut off his computer screen again because he's having problems with the phones again. It's a Verizon problem that they weren't able to fix. Howard thought it was something there but Gary said it was a Verizon problem. Howard figured they just didn't look into getting it fixed all weekend. Gary said that it was working this morning and now it's not. Howard said they should have come in at 2 then. Howard said he has to go home. He said he's been through it all, he just wants to go home.
Howard said he has a 5 point plan and one of those things is to have a phone. Howard said they could make sales calls and take calls from listeners. Howard tried to take a call and just got a strange noise on the line. He ran down the rest of his 5 point plan and talked about how they could get a car and drive around to see the listeners. He had ideas for things they could give away to the listeners and things like that. Those were the things that the program director would tell them about.
Robin said she saw a car completely covered in bumper stickers the other day. She said it was something about 9/11 being a conspiracy. Howard asked if she thinks the person is nuts. Robin said it probably was. She said it was all about conspiracy theories.
Howard said he had the new Tradio call that Sal and Richard made. In the clip Sal and Richard call a Swap and Shop show and ask $50 for a $25 Tim Horton's gift card. The host thought that was a bit much for a $25 gift card. Sal said he wanted to make a buck with it. The host thought it was a little crazy to ask that much. He thanked Sal for the call and said he had to get to some real people. Then Richard called in asking $57 for 4 shiny new quarters. The host hung up. Sal called in again and the host called them by name and said that they should do an accent from where they're supposed to be calling in from. The host was making a phony laugh and thanked them for entertaining them. He told them to say hello to Howard for them.
Howard said he could hear the guy typing during Sal's call. He told Sal he wasn't entering it into the system during that prank call but you could hear him typing. Howard said that's a weird show. You can hear them typing.
Howard said he talked to one of the kids and asked what he was doing. The kid is teaching kids in Harlem to read. Howard said he was shocked. He said his kids are really something to see. He was quite impressed.
Howard said he was stuffing his face with free food there. He said it's really hard to eat though because so many people would stop him to talk. Howard said it's impossible to get to the buffet. Robin said that's what Scott discovered when he did the Ronnie's Block Party show. He wasn't able to get to the food. Robin said he must feel Howard's pain.
Howard said that Leon's kids wrote these poems for their father. He said that was pretty amazing. He said the Kennedy kids would never do that. That led to Robin saying she discovered that one of the Schwarzenegger kids is a model. They spent a minute talking about that. Howard said Leon's kids were all great and they were telling Leon how much they love their father.
Howard said that he got a call from his parents and his mom told him something terrible had happened. They had water in their basement. Howard did an impression of his mother talking about that. He said she asked if he knew anyone who could help. Howard said a plumber might help. Howard said his mom is getting really hard of hearing and he had to repeat himself a bunch of times to let her knew he was going to call someone. Howard said he was yelling to her but she wouldn't hear. Then she'd ask why he was yelling at her. Howard did an impression of what that sounded like.
Howard said he wanted to call Beth and ask her to take care of this. He said he just doesn't want to be bothered. Robin said he needs one of these phones that types out everything that you say. Howard asked where he can get one of those. Robin said she's seen them on TV.
Howard said his friend John Kean who is a contractor. He said the guy will help out with stuff like that. Howard said he had to call him to help his parents out. He said his mother was asking when the guy would call. He had no idea. Howard said that his mother said they can't go out because they have to wait for the phone call. Then he tells her that's because they don't have an answering machine. They don't want to be bothered by that. Howard said that he has no choice but to tell them to wait for the call. He said if they want to join the rest of America they can get an answering machine. He said other people have voice mail and email.
Howard said he gets all stressed out from this. He said he wants to be Leon Black's kid. He said he wouldn't be stressed out by this. Howard said he bets that Leon doesn't get stressed out when he gets water in his basement. Howard said that his mother yells at him for getting stressed out with her. He said his parents are at home right now and waiting for a call. He said they'll call at 10 today asking when he's going to call. Howard said they're just going to have to sit by the phone call day. Howard said the guy might forget to call but they'll sit there all day without an answering machine. Howard said he told them the guy may never call because he doesn't want them freaking out if he doesn't call this morning.
Howard said his mother calls and leaves a message for him and she tells it who she is like he won't know. Robin said her mother is like that too. At the end of her voice mails she'll say ''Mother'' like she won't know it was her.
Howard said he tries to stay open to new ideas and he wants to have an answering machine and things like that. Howard said his parents won't use anything that was invented after they turned 60. He said they won't even get a TiVo. He said his mother tells him that they love his pictures of Beth and he says he could send them more if they had email. She doesn't want that. Howard said he asks if they want that but they don't.
Howard said his mother had an old friend she wanted to look up so he told her that he could Google her. Howard said he could get right on the computer and check. Howard said he looked up the friend and found the person they were looking for on Facebook. Howard said they were amazed. He said they could have that if they just got a computer. They look at it like it's witchcraft. Fred played the ''2001 a Space Odyssey'' music as Howard was talking about that because it was like they were seeing something shocking from the future.
Howard said he went through all of this and said he'd email the family to get the email and address. He said he asked his mom if she wanted to mail the person. His mom said she just wanted to know if they were still alive. He went through all of that for nothing.
Howard got back to the Leon Black story and talked about what a lovely guy he was. Howard said that he was the one who sat him down and told him that they only had like 60 subscribers and asked him how many radios he could sell. Howard said he figured they could beat XM and that's what Leon wanted to hear. Howard said Leon told him he was the Picasso of radio and he had to have him. Howard said the guy got him.
Howard said he showed up to this party and he had a spectacular night. Howard said he saw a lot of nice people there. He ran into Robert Kraft and his wife just died 3 weeks ago. Howard said this guy is another great guy. He said he was so connected to the guy. He said he's a devoted guy and his family means a lot to him. He said he's a down to earth guy and he was talking to him about his wife. He said he got goose bumps talking to him about that. Howard said he hates guys for the most part but this guy is something else. He said Kraft is so together and he loves his wife and family so much and he really respects him. He said he owns the New England Patriots but he has to be a self made guy. He's too great not to be.
Howard said Robert is in bad shape after losing his wife. He said that he told him that he lost his best friend. He said he knows how he feels because he feels that way about Beth and his parents. He said this guy is so together even when he's grieving.
Howard said he got to talk to Mayor Bloomberg at the party. He said he asked him how the hell he handles all the negativity around him. He said that Bloomberg told him it comes with the job. Howard said he doesn't even need to be doing that job though. Howard said everyone at the party seemed to have a couple billion. Howard said someone handed him a glass for a refresher. He said he didn't quite fit in there. Howard said he met a lot of interesting people there.
Howard said he made his way to the buffet. He didn't eat that much and he didn't get enough food. He said he saw Scott Greenstein there and he was walking around with Little Steven like it was his wife. Howard said he ran into a lot of people there.
Howard said after he ate the buffet one of the kids pointed him to the living room. Howard said he went over there and the kids made their speeches. Howard said Leon then said that Sir Elton John was a great artist and then Elton John came out and performed a full concert. Howard said he did every hit he ever wrote. Howard said he was blown away. Howard said he was sitting on a couch and he had the best seat in the room. He said he picked the best seat he could find and he was in direct view of whoever was going to be playing. He didn't even know it was going to be Elton John. Howard said he was practically on the bench with Elton John.
Howard said just as the concert was about to start this guy pulled up two stools and sat right in front of them. Howard said he was going to go kick the guy's ass so Beth had to calm him down. Howard said he wanted to knock the guy off his stool. He said Beth calmed him down.
Howard said he loves Elton John. He said he got his ass up and sat on the floor in front of the guy with the stool. He said he sat his fat ass on the floor and it's not that easy to get down there anymore. He said he wanted to cut off the beehive hairdo on that woman on the stool. Howard said that Elton John was doing one hit song after the other. He said the guy sounded magnificent. Howard said he was watching his fingers and he was like 3 inches from him. He said he has these pudgy fingers and it's amazing that he's able to play the way he does. Howard said it was amazing the way it sounded. He said it was like sitting and watching Mozart in his prime. Robin said it's a little bit past his prime. Howard said it was still great.
Howard said people started dancing and he had to get up. He said he and Beth pretended to get up and dance and just stood there. Someone told him he's supposed to move when he dances. He said he told the guy he wasn't dancing... asshole.
Howard said he stood there and watched the hour and a half of music watching him from just feet away. Howard said he must have gotten paid really well for this appearance. Howard said this is why Leon is great. He was sharing this with his friends. Howard said he might be one of those friends. Howard wondered what you get a billionaire for his birthday. He said he has a garden so he made a basket of fresh grown vegetables. He said there's nothing else you can get the guy. Robin said he'll never see those things either.
Howard said this was an emotional experience. He said that Elton dedicated a song to Robert Kraft's wife too. He said he felt like he was the luckiest guy in the world to be there. He said he took pictures with his iPhone. He said it takes the worst pictures in the world. He said he took some video and sent some to his daughter. He said she told him she should be the one there, not him. He said he was sending her clips and sharing the moment with her.
Howard said he and Beth were beside themselves. He said he thanked Leon on his way out for sharing that. He said it was some birthday. Howard said there are some billionaires who are misers and they're cheap. Howard said this guy was generous.
Howard said he was voted one of America's most despised over the weekend. He said he has to question that. He said it was something he had never heard of before. Howard said they have to talk about that.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked what Leon Black plays in the lawsuit. Howard said he was thinking of saying something to him but it was his birthday. Howard said he's not sure what the status is for where he is in the company. He didn't want to bring it up at the party either. Howard said he's not a compete asshole.
Howard said Robin lived and she's triumphant. Howard had Fred play her theme song. Robin said the Barnegat police were wonderful. She said they took down her information and hopefully tried to track the guy down. She said it was crazy. Robin said this woman Maurine saw it happen and she ran after him looking for the license plate number. Robin said the guy just backed up and took off after he hit her.
Howard said the guy almost got away with it. Robin said they did get his license plate number. She said that they have a lot to work with. Howard congratulated her on making it through that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was listening to a couple of tribute albums to Buddy Holly that they got. Howard said that Paul McCartney was involved. He said that they got a CD and Paul wasn't in that one. He said there are two CDs out with tributes to the guy. Howard said no one is buying CDs anymore and who would buy this? He said Stevie Nicks does a good job on this one. He said Pat Monahan, Jackson Browne and others are on this one.
Howard played the Stevie Nicks song and said it sounds like she put some effort into it. Howard said between the two albums they covered just about every Buddy Holly album. Howard said Paul McCartney used to own the collection or something.
Howard said this guy who just won the PGA Championship is a fan of the show. Howard said he was reading about how the guy is a fan of the show and his favorite entertainer is Howard Stern. Howard wondered how Tiger Woods did. Gary told him that he didn't even qualify. Robin said he can't even golf anymore. Gary said after the first two days he was 10 strokes over. Howard said all he needs is some pussy. He said it's amazing what pussy can do for you. He said that might be all Tiger needs.
Howard took a call from Little Mikey who asked if they named their cat. Howard said they did. They named him Leon. Howard said it had nothing to do with Leon Black. He said that Beth added ''Bear'' to Leon so it's Leon Bear.
Howard said he has a picture of the cat up on his web site. He said the cat is 18 pounds. He said he's a big boy. Howard said Beth is holding the cat and it gives you an idea of the scale. He said that his body goes down to her waist. He said the cat is huge. He said that black cats don't get adopted because of people's superstitions. Robin said they stopped black cat adoptions around Halloween because people would adopt them and do bad things to them.
Howard said he can't imagine why people want to hurt these animals. He said they're such great pets. He said he felt really good about this Leon. He said that he was stuck in a shelter for so long. He said that this woman gave him up for adoption. He said that he used to be called Emo. He said that he didn't like that name and didn't want to think of Emo Phillips every time. He said he has nothing against Emo Phillips though. Howard said that he was thinking about Leo the Lion when he named the cat.
Howard said Beth is into these pets and she wanted to take care of this one. He said he didn't want another one but he wasn't going to stop her from getting one. Howard said that he doesn't want to get stuck with them if something ever happens to Beth though. Robin asked where the cat picture is. Howard said maybe Doug didn't get the email he sent out to him. Howard said he should just Tweet it out. He wondered why Twitter doesn't have a picture service. He said he didn't want to go through TwitPic. Jason said he was trying to get through to Doug now to get the picture up. Howard said he hadn't written to Doug in months and wondered if he even still works for him.
Howard asked the TV guys not to put the phone code on TV. He got into his iPhone and went through the process to email it to Jason. They Tweeted it out after that. Howard said that picture was taken with his Nikon D3S.
Howard said he wanted to take pictures of Elton John. He said he still has that toupee and it must make him happy. Howard said that he got the picture Tweeted out. Robin took a look at it while Howard talked about the cat.
Robin asked if she had to get on Twitter now. Howard said she does if she wants to see that picture. Howard asked what happened to Doug Hurwitt. Gary said they were calling him but he wasn't answering. Howard noticed the picture was blurry so Jason said it was because he had resized it. Howard sent it bigger so they could get a better view.
Howard said he can't send the picture big. He said it automatically made it small this time. He gave up on trying to send the bigger version.
Howard had Doug on the phone. Doug asked if he got the picture last night. Doug said he did but he was at a birthday party. Doug said he was stuck at home all night. Howard said he should have gotten up early to do it. Howard asked why it wasn't top priority with him. Doug said he sent it to Jason so Jason could get it out there. Howard said it didn't sound like Doug. He said he was at a birthday party. He said that he has never asked Doug to put anything up in the last year. Doug said he knows. He said he had sent him an email earlier in the day that he didn't understand. It was something about photography. Howard said that's because his photography teacher's name is Doug and it sent it to the wrong person.
Howard said he has so many fuckin problems. Howard asked why he didn't ask him why he didn't tell him he got the wrong email. Doug said he did. He responded with ''Huh?'' Howard said he was getting aggravated. He apologized for bothering him with all of this.
Howard told Robin about this woman who owned the cat. He said that she died and the family took the cat and there was a tornado in the town the lived in. They dropped the cat off at a kill shelter. Howard said they wrote to them how great the cat was but just dropped it at the shelter. Howard said the cat was the only link to the grandmother. He said he can't imagine turning the cat away. He said you'd think they'd find someone to take it. Howard said that the shelter had a tornado hit and it survived the tornado. It was walking around the rubble there. Howard said the cat has been in a cage for 4 and a half months. He said the cat had the flu or something and got sick but now he's doing okay.
Howard said that the cat is now with them and he's a sweet and loving cat. He said he finally came out and hung out with them. He said he sniffs around and the dog doesn't care about the cats. He said she hates them because they take time away from her. Howard said Apple the cat isn't thrilled though. He said he has cats and dogs and everything like a zoo. He said he likes it though.
Robin said she has some pictures she has to send to Beth of her cats. She said they're hysterical.
Lisa said that Beetlejuice was held at Customs in Canada recently. Lisa said that he was grilled by agents there when he wasn't listening to them when he was asked to step aside. Howard and Fred recreated the scene with Beetlejuice clips. Howard had some fun with that for a few minutes. Lisa said they ended up googling him and questioned him for 90 minutes. Howard said that he would love to see that on video. He wondered where Howard TV was for that. Howard said he can't imagine them interviewing him for 90 minutes. He asked why he was detained for so long. Lisa said they were just pulling him in for questioning. Howard said he obviously travels with someone. They must have explained what was going on. Howard said he can't imagine they thought he was an intelligent guy. Howard and Fred had some more fun with the Beet clips. Howard said he's one step from being carried in a pet carrier and they're questioning him for 90 minutes. Robin said he's the size of a child getting through security. She wondered what the problem was.
Lisa said that Pat Cooper went on an internet talk show and ranted about Howard Stern. She said he's been talking about how he's doing the same garbage he's been doing the past 30 years and even took a shot at Beth. Howard said he's a bitter old man. Robin said he shouldn't even answer any of these question.
Lisa said that Jackie has a business where you can download his instructional videos for how to be a comedian. Howard said they're really weird. He said that Jackie is overly tan in the video and he's explaining how to tell a joke. Howard said he's teaching a class. Howard said you don't see anyone in the class, it's just Jackie.
Howard had the guy show some of the video. Fred hadn't even heard about it until now. Howard pointed out how goofy Jackie looks in the video. JD came in and told Howard where to find some of the clips. Howard played one where Jackie tells you how to tell a joke. Jackie said you have to be subtle and tell the joke in the present tense. He was telling the joke and explaining why it works better if it's in the present tense. Jackie then talks about the radio show he does on Howard 101. He said he shows the listeners how to correct their jokes with these subtle things. Howard said just imagine you're as successful as Jackie after you learn this stuff. He said he's not even sure if Jackie knows how to tell a joke. Howard said he's putting so much thought into this.
Howard played another clip where Jackie tells a couple of jokes and laughs and says they're great jokes. Jackie says that you can connect those jokes. He explained how he was doing that. It really didn't make a lot of sense. He was trying to explain how you can remember all of these jokes and he was linking them with a piece of paper that was mentioned in both jokes.
Howard said that he was trying to help you memorize the jokes by changing them around so you can link them. Howard just said ''Wow.''
Howard played more of Jackie's instructional video and Jackie is talking about how to go over the punch lines and remember the jokes. He mentioned King Kong's balls in that clip. Howard said that's what's going on inside Jackie's head. Howard said Jackie is in his 60s and thinking about King Kong's balls. He said it's no wonder his wife left him.
Howard said it would be great if in 10 years or so they're interviewing a famous comedian and he says he learned it all from Jackie's instructional videos. Howard said he can imagine Jackie doing the math figuring out what people would pay and how many would pay to see these videos.
Howard said he watched some of that stuff and it goes on and on. He wasn't sure how long it was. Lisa said she's not sure how long it is either.
Howard played another clip of Jackie talking about his jokes and how you can stop yourself from screwing up a joke. Jackie tells a joke and says it's easy to remember these jokes if you think about a couple of things that are in the joke. Robin asked Howard to wait a minute. She asked if there are going to be comedians telling jokes like Jackie does. Howard said most comedians talk about their lives and don't just tell jokes.
Howard said he was watching this a few days ago but he put it out of his mind. He wanted to play it for Robin but he forgot about it. Howard wondered if it's really that important to know how to tell these jokes. Robin said there might be a real craft to telling them.
Howard played another clip where Jackie was talking about how to include yourself in some of the jokes. Jackie explained why you'd want to do that and how you go about doing it.
Howard said he didn't know that Jackie was such a professor. He did his impression of him and goofed on him for a minute about these instructional tapes. Robin said he looks like he's in a mental institution in the video. Howard said that's because he is. Lisa wrapped up and Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said when he was watching Elton John it was like watching Mozart. He said that he's right up there with the Beatles and bands like that. He said it was nuts watching him performing. Howard let the Beatles song play and Fred played Robin's ''Cocaine'' singing clip in there.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that the picture of Beth looks like she's holding a baby. Mariann asked how he changes a cat's name. She wondered how they get used to it. Howard said they get used to it eventually. Mariann also mentioned that John Stamos did a video where he uses Bob Saget for his joke. Howard said he saw that but Mariann had just given away the punch line.
Robin said that everyone is into Greek yogurt right now and John Stamos is Greek so he got an endorsement deal with some Greek yogurt company.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about Selena Gomez. He said that his 12 year old daughter is obsessed with her. He said that Selena is gorgeous but even when she was like 10 she looked the same. He said that she may always look like a teenager. The guy said that she's 19 but she looks 12. The caller said Valerie Bertinelli kind of looks that way. Howard asked if they're really talking about this. The caller, Tony, said he was. Howard said it sounds like he wants to fuck her. Tony said he doesn't but he thinks Howard odes. Howard said he thinks she's very pretty but he doesn't want to fuck her. He hung up on Tony.
Howard said he was reading about Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber and someone was saying it was like Statutory rape for her to be dating Justin and fucking him. Howard said he can't imagine that would be wrong.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who asked if he's met the new Howard 100 News reporter, Jon Leiberman, yet. Howard said he hasn't yet. He said Tim asked him if he wanted to meet him and he said no. Gary said Tim is going to ask him the same thing today. Howard said he'll meet Jon on the air. Gary said he wants him to meet him so he can meet him on the air. Howard said he doesn't want to meet him off the air. He'll just meet him on the air. Howard said Tim doesn't know how to read him yet. He's been working there for years and he still doesn't know. Howard said he wants to go to his office, take a nap and then leave. Howard said he gets upset with Tim when he does this to him. Howard said he wasn't even sure that Leiberman was the permanent guy. He said he thinks he's terrific. Howard asked Janks if he likes him. Janks said he thinks he's pretty cool. Robin said she met him and he was temporary at the time. Howard said he figured he'd get blown out of there and he would have wasted his time meeting him.
Gary said Tim came to him earlier today and said that he had to talk to him. Gary said that he told Tim ''not now'' and Tim had to leave. Howard said he has told Tim not to come in there but he ignores what he says. Howard said he doesn't want him in there every break. Howard said Tim stares at him the whole time Gary is talking to him and it looks mental. Howard said it's weird. He said he has to addresses him so it's this whole weird thing.
Howard said the thing that bums him out the most is when he's done with the show and Tim tells him to cut a spot. He can't come in and bum him out during the show. Howard said he has asked Tim to email him things instead of bothering him during the show or after the show. Howard said he doesn't need to know this stuff now. He doesn't get Tim. Howard said last time he was in there he tripped over a guitar. He had the clip of that moment so he played it. It was Fred's guitar that he tripped over and smashed into the floor.
Howard said he's just trying to get through the day. He said Tim is supposed to be the guy making sure no one bothers him. HE's running the channel and he's supposed to take care of everything. He said it's crazy out there.
Howard asked who he is again. Gary said his name is Jose and they had him on the air once or twice. Howard said he really doesn't remember the guy. Howard said he was out in the hall telling him that he's the man and all of this. Gary said he claims to have won a guacamole contest.
Howard told Gary to bring Jose in. Howard said he thought this guy was gay. Jose said that's what he told him the last time he was on the air. Howard asked what contest he won. Jose said it was a world Guacamole contest they did there at Sirius XM. He said he beat out some chefs that came up to cook. He said he beat out some Martha Stewart cook too. Jose said he doesn't really even cook.
Howard said he doesn't eat tacos either. He said he doesn't trust a guy covered in tattoos either. Howard asked what station he's with. Jose programs Octane and Liquid Metal. He said he's been there for 11 years.
Howard asked Jose if he's ever kissed a man or blown a man. Jose said he never has and he's straight. Howard asked who he would blow if he had to blow someone. Jose wasn't interested in doing that. Howard asked who the greatest rock guys are out there. Jose said he loves Metallica and Ozzy. He said that he loves that Howard came there because they've gotten so many more listeners for their channels. Howard said this is the stuff he hears out in the halls. He said he's always telling him how he's helping get the heavy metal message out there. Howard did an impression of him talking to him in the halls there. Jose said that he loves Pantera the most. He was going on and on about all of that.
Howard asked Jose about his parents and found out his father died a while back. He was very energetic and going on and on about his family. Howard said this is the energy he gets out in the halls there. Howard asked how old his mother was when she met his father. Jose said that she was 19 years younger. He said his father was 49 when he was born. Jose said that he learned a lot from his father. Howard kept cutting him off and telling Robin this was the kind of energy that he has all the time.
Howard asked how he ended up there at Sirius. Jose told Howard about where he went to school and how he got a degree in pharmacy. Howard said this was fascinating but he's giving too many details. Jose said he worked at terrestrial radio and he eventually came up there. Howard said he heard that he was in a metal band and he was so into it he would puke on stage. Jose said he just did that once. He said he did a bunch of takes and he vomited at the end of 3 of them. He said he was body banging in the performance and he threw up and then his nose started to bleed.
Jose told Howard about how he got up there to Sirius and gave way too many details. Howard said he was zoning. Jose went through more of the story and said that he was a metal hard rock rep dude and... Howard cut him off again and said that was all he could take. Jose told Howard he fuckin' loves him. Howard said he won't forget Jose again. He congratulated him and let him go a short time later. Howard told him to stop staring at him.
Robin said he's that intense every time you talk to him. Howard said he starts with that rap every time he runs into him. He said that he gets his resume going every two seconds. He said that's when he wants to get out the door. Howard said that's what Tim is like too. He said he doesn't want to meet Jon Leiberman after the show. He said Steve Langford left and they hired a new guy. He said they knew this guy and they were auditioning him. He said he sounded good to him. He said he's been all over the place and he's wondering what he's ding there. Janks mumbled something so Howard said he can't understand what he's saying so he hung up on him.
Howard said he heard Jose was crying out in the hall. He had him come back in. Jose said he wasn't crying. He said that was such a rush being on with Howard. He said Lisa was looking at him like she was going to cry too so it was big for him. Howard said he's like Dennis Rodman at the Hall of Fame induction. He was crying too. Howard said he thinks they're getting into too much of this with him. He let him go after that.
Jon said that more people knew Howard's name last year than knew Casey Anthony this year. Howard asked if he's officially at the job or not. Jon said he's not unless Howard says he is. Howard said he didn't want to meet him if he wasn't. He said that's why he didn't want to meet him last week. Howard said he told Brad Driver that he sounds real good so he should keep him there. He's not sure if he's going to get the official word.
Jon said that Tim Sabean asked him if he was single. He wondered if that was a hint. Jon said he's divorced but he's dating someone. He said he has a little one and he says ''Baba Booey'' all the time.
Howard said he thinks Jon sounds really good and they should give him the job. He said Langford had the intensity that Langford did so he should get the gig. Jon said that he and his ex are best friends now. He said that they talk every day. He said he was with her 5 years and dated 2 years before that. Howard asked if he was faithful. Jon didn't say anything but Howard made it sound like he wasn't faithful. Howard asked if he was working with other reporters and fell in love. Jon said that it was just one of those things that happened. He said he got married young, at 28, and things happened. Howard asked if it was a coworker. Jon said it was actually a producer for anther network. Howard said that's why women have to fuck their man 3 times a week minimum. Gary said that's a good number. He said he's going to go home and tell his wife that.
Howard asked Jon about how his wife found out about it and what they did. Jon said they had grown apart and it wasn't really like cheating.
Gary said he thinks they have a live one there. He said that he used to work for Sinclair Media and he got fired. Jon said that they asked him to do a smear campaign against Jon Kerry and he didn't want to do it so he stood up and did an interview with the Baltimore sun and they sued him over what he had said. Jon said he was out of work for 3 weeks and they challenged his unemployment for 3 weeks so it was a big deal. Howard said they need more guys like Jon to stand up to the media like that. Jon said that he had to defend himself and he had to tell people who he voted for during all of that.
Howard said they smear plenty there so he had better get used to it. Jon said that they deserve the smear there. Howard said he's a hero to him. Robin agreed. She said he's more of a hero than Sully is. Howard said he's on board with Jon and he says they should hire this guy. Howard said he's a good man and he's probably too good for them.
Tim came in and said they have to do their due diligence before they can hire Jon. They said that's just a technicality. Howard wondered if he has a big penis so they can give him Langford's theme song. Howard said that they could have another theme about him cheating on his wife. Jon said it's been good coming on the air and maybe he'll see them tomorrow or maybe not.
Howard asked Jon how long he's been dating this new woman. Jon said it's about a year. He's not looking to get married again.
Howard said that Jon had a movie moment in his life and he lost his job over it and got sued. He said that's the kind of shit you see in the movies. Jon said he did it and it needed to be done. Jon said that there aren't a lot of jobs out there where you can have fun with your journalism skills. Howard said he's glad that he got to meet him on the air and not off the air. Howard said he likes this guy. He said he's a guy he can talk to. He told Jon to get back out there and chase down some stories.
Howard said he thanks that they're making him jump through some more hoops before they give him the job. Howard said he wasn't sure about the first story he heard but the more he heard the more he liked him. He said he's digging him now. He said he likes him. He said he's good at what he does. Howard said he tells them about other guys and no one hires them.
Howard said he likes Jon but Tim may be working on some other things. He said he may be looking at other people and checking into them. Howard wondered why Tim would ask him if he's single. Robin said maybe he wanted to go have a beer with him or something. Howard said maybe that's what it was.
Howard said Dennis even thanked him ahead of time. He played a clip of Dennis talking about how Howard Stern was coming in the next day. Howard said Gary told Dennis' manager that he wasn't coming. He's not sure what that was all about.
Howard said Dennis did a lot of crying at the induction. Howard played some audio of that. Dennis went up to make his speech and he was already crying. Howard was laughing. He said it's a good thing he didn't go. He said he would have been thrown out for laughing.
In the speech Dennis took a while to get going. He was making funny noises trying not to cry. Howard said that's what he was laughing at. He said guys don't want to cry but when they do this is what happens. Dennis was able to speak finally and he was sniffling while he did that.
Howard played another clip of Dennis talking about the people who helped him and he started to break down again. Howard said he sounds like JD on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he's an emotional guy. He's feeling everything.
Howard said he's sorry he wasn't there. He said it was a very emotional thing for Dennis. Howard played more audio and Dennis was talking about how many kids his father had and how he wrote a book about him but never came to say hello to him. He said that didn't stop him though. Dennis talked about what his wife has put up with and how much crap she's had to deal with. He said he hasn't been a great husband. Dennis said she's tolerated him through all of this. Howard said he's really using this as a purging.
Howard said it's got to be hard for a guy who has 46 siblings to come out of it undamaged. Howard said he must not even know all of their names. He imagined what that would be like.
Dennis talked about how he wishes he was a better father. He broke down again as he was saying that. Then he talked about his mother and broke down again. Dennis said that he and his mother never got along but he was a very good kid. He said when he got to 16-18-20 his mother kicked him out of the house. He said that he resented her for a long time. He said his mother didn't really hug him or his siblings. He said she worked her ass off though and as he got older he realized that he realized he hadn't been a good son to her. He said they can laugh about this now but he knows he hasn't been good to her. Dennis was going on and on and it wasn't clear if he was thanking her or throwing her under the bus. Howard said he didn't get where he was going with that. Howard said he's sorry he wasn't there for Dennis.
Howard played a clip of a news reporter talking about the list. Howard said it's ridiculous because Spencer Pratt is on the list. Howard said no one would even think of that guy. He said the whole thing sounds absurd. The reporter reads through the top 10 and eventually gets to Howard Stern at number 10.
Howard played a morning show clip where they talked about the list and mentioned Howard Stern. When they got to his name one of the women said it wasn't a surprise and one of the guys said ''Yeah, that satellite radio gig is working out well, huh?'' Howard said it's actually working out really well. He said that guy just wishes he had his life. Howard said they're all playing that Lady Gaga song and not crediting them either. He said they just steal it.
Howard played more of that morning show clip and said no one even knows their name and they're saying it's awesome that Howard Stern is on the list. Howard said that guy is a douche. He said he always meets guys like this and they end up slathering his ass when he does.
Howard played another clip of a reporter talking about the list and mentioning Howard's name. The guy said Howard is probably the only guy who likes being on the list. Howard wondered why he would think he'd like being on the list.
In another report they mentioned Howard but said ''Howard Johnson'' after talking about Levi Johnston being on the list.
Howard said that this web site has used his name before. He said that they used his name in a creepy Halloween list once.
Howard played another clip from a local newscast. In that one they talked about the people on the list and came to Howard's name and the woman said that wasn't fair. She said that Howard is a good guy who has a great wife. Howard said he likes News 12 Long Island. He said it was nice that they defended him. He said he always stops and does interviews with them.
Howard said you get the idea after all of that. He sounded like he was going to stop but he played part of another one and cut it off before he got to his name.
Benjy asked this guy about the new Spider-Man and the guy didn't know that he was supposed to be gay too. He was fine with it until he mentioned that. The guy on the street said he'd prefer that he wasn't gay but he's fine with him being black and Hispanic.
Howard said he's not a comic book guy anymore so he's not sure how this all came about. He said he kind of grew up. Robin said it hasn't been that long. Howard said he's proud that at 57 he's stopped reading comic books. He said he was still reading them in his 30s though. He said he used to clip them into books to make it look like he was reading. They went to break after that.
After that Howard said he had two people sitting in the studio today. They were Doug and Marcy. Howard that they were the winners of an auction to come in and sit in. Howard asked them where they're from. They were from Massachusetts. Howard said that the wife was good looking. He asked if he's older than her. He said he's 49 and he can't say how old she is. She said she just turned 56 in June. Howard asked how she's older than he is. He said he'd totally bang her. He said she looks good. Howard said Doug looks older than Marcy. He said that he's a stud though. Howard asked if it's his first wife. Doug said she is. They didn't have any kids because they didn't want them. Marcy said she didn't want them now. Howard asked if she was going to cry. She said she won't.
Howard asked Doug and Marcy about how they have sex and if they use condoms. Marcy said they don't. Howard figured she went through menopause. Howard asked if Doug gets a hard on for her. She said ''Oh yeah.'' Howard asked if she hates him for not giving her kids. She said she doesn't hate him at all. She said she loves her life. Howard said they seem like a nice couple. He said they're good looking and it was nice of them to donate to charity.
Howard said he can't imagine what goes on between them sexually. Howard asked if Marcy is conservative. She said they do the regular stuff plus some. Howard asked if she's into anal. She said she's not. She likes to sit on her butt. Howard thought she was saying she likes to sit on his penis.
Marcy mentioned they have a Pomeranian so Howard asked if that gets involved in sex. She said it doesn't. Howard said their cat sat on the bed while they had sex the other day. He said he had to block it out of his head.
Howard said Doug and Marcy were holding hands. He said a lot of people don't have that. He said he bets Doug is holding her hand so she doesn't run out. Howard said he's got a prize there. Howard asked if she does oral and the whole thing. Marcy said sure. Howard asked if she licks his balls too. She said ''sure.''
Robin started her news with a story about what's going on in Detroit. Robin said there have been some violent shootings there so the police are upping their presence there. Robin said they say the 15 shootings don't appear to be linked.
Robin read about today being Shark Day in Sacramento. Howard said he's all for killing sharks. He said he's for that and blowing up the moon. Robin said that people who enjoy shark fin soup should know that they don't kill the shark, they just rip off the fin and throw it back into the water to die. Howard said it seems like the poachers do a lot of things wrong.
Robin read about how Bernie Madoff's wife is leaving him after 52 years. Robin said that she hasn't seen him for over 6 months. Robin said she is looking to reconcile with their sons. Robin said that she's turned her back on Bernie though.
Robin read about a woman who tired to kill herself by jumping off a ferry to the Statue of Liberty. Howard said he hates people who ruin other people's day. He said she could have gone home to kill herself. Howard said that it's really rude to ruin a trip like that for everyone on the ferry. Howard said you know she's an idiot and that she's going to be saved. Howard said he wishes a finless shark would have eaten her. Robin said that she grabbed the life preserver when the crew sent it to her. Robin said she was taken to a hospital for observation. Howard said they're going to find she's nuts and she's depressed.
Robin read about a study that was done about autistic kids that found that if their sibling has it then the second child might have it too. Howard was talking about what that might be like if you have a couple of kids who bang their heads into the wall. He said people would think that your kids play football but they're really just banging their heads. Robin said she once went to this luncheon and this woman told her that her life was horrible and she hated going home to her autistic kid. She said that it must be very tough to have an autistic child. Howard had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 9:35am, Howard came back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about a guy who was run out of central park and took over a building. He's refusing to leave.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a kid who has autism but they don't all whack their heads into walls. Howard said they know that. It's called humor. The caller said he knows that and he's taking it all as a joke. He said he was just calling in to say that there's a 95 percent chance that they'd have another autistic kid if they had another son. He said that he loves his son and he's great. He said the kid is so smart and he can look at something just once and tell you what it is and what it does and how it works. He said his personality is lax and he doesn't have very good motor skills. He said it took him a year to learn to talk. He said they taught him sign language by 8 months old though.
Howard said he's glad that Beth is on the same page with him about kids. He said that he'd take a trip to the Statue of Liberty and jump off a ferry if he had an autistic kid. Howard said his worst nightmare would be for Beth to get pregnant and then the baby comes and it's autistic and Beth dies during child birth. Howard said he'd be alone with a kid and no one would want to date him. Howard said he'd end up banging his head against the wall. Robin, Doug and Marcy were all laughing at him. Howard asked why they were laughing, he was pouring his heart out there.
Howard said he got lucky with his three kids. He said that's enough. He said he's happy with that. Howard said he doesn't want anymore kids. Howard said he has a great life as it is. He said he has a great time with Beth and he doesn't need to screw that up. Howard said he can imagine screwing it all up with a kid. Fred was playing a head banging sound effect through the whole discussion. Howard said he'll be lucky if he has maybe 20 years left of life and he can imagine screwing it all up with something like that. He said he's with Doug and Marcy not having kids.
Robin read about Casey Anthony being ordered back to Florida for some case. Robin said that they gave her probation and she was already in jail for the suspected killing of her daughter. The judge is saying she never served her probation so she's been called back to Florida. Robin said they may still want her to serve that out before she can leave Florida.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that JD is like Howard's autistic child. Howard changed the subject and wondered if anyone is banging Casey Anthony. He said he'd be creeped out if he was laying next to her in bed. Robin said she's not sure guys think that hard about who they're banging. Robin said she could say the same thing about Amy Fisher and she has a husband. Robin said one of the most pathetic things she ever saw was at a bar. She saw a woman really inebriated and two guys fighting over who was going to take her home.
Robin had some audio of a guy named Peter Johnson talking about the use of the name ''The fighting Sioux'' with a school mascot. Howard said he couldn't pay attention to it because the guy's name was Peter Johnson. Gary said that the school doesn't want to hold onto the name. The state legislature has told them they can't change it. Howard said that's really complicated.
Howard read through some email and said that a lot of people liked Dave Navarro on the show last week. Howard said that there were some people who said they'd be buying the new Jane's Addiction album. Howard said there were a lot of people who didn't like the Howard Stern look alike. Someone suggested they have him sit in when he's not there. Howard said there were other people who liked that segment. Howard read through some of those. Howard said that the Jason and Ross dust up on the Wrap Up Show was also in the email. Howard said that some people thought Ross was too much of a baby. Other's thought that Jason was too rough on Ross. Howard said he'll play some of that tomorrow on the show.
Robin read about the Indiana State Fair tragedy where the stage collapsed. Howard said he saw that and it was pretty wild. Robin said that the stage came tumbling down and the death toll is now up to 5. Robin said that the people there showed remarkable bravery. Robin had some audio of the governor talking about that.
Robin read about the straw poll and how Michele Bachman came out ahead of everyone. Howard said there must be a lot of idiots living out there in Iowa. Robin had some audio of them talking about the win for Bachman. Howard said they say it means nothing but it says something about people out there. Robin said it all helps her out with name recognition. Robin said that Michele was on Meet the Press talking about how he won't judge gay American's. Robin had some audio of what she said. Howard said that she's a dickhead. Howard said that she's full of it and saying what she said is so condescending. Howard said she really is condescending. Howard said she's talking about how we have to have profound compassion for these people who are struggling.
JD said there were some great pictures of her and her husband eating corn dogs at a fair. Howard said they were great pictures. Howard said that whole tea party movement is full of people who want to vote for these people who aren't very well spoken. They spent a few minutes talking about that. Gary came in and said that they're saying that the straw poll doesn't really mean much. Not too many people who have won the poll go on to become president.
Howard said a happy birthday to his assistant Laura Lackner. Howard spent a minute on that.
Robin read a story about the governor of Texas and how he's going to be trying to win the republican nomination for running for president. Robin said he's the one who had people praying for the country's problem's to be solved. Howard said that's very condescending too. Howard said he did a rain dance to pray for rain.
Robin read about President Obama's approval rating dropping to its lowest point yet. Robin said that only 39 percent approve of his performance at this point. Howard said he thinks that Mitt Romney is going to end up running. He said he hears that Ron Paul is good too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ron Paul will bring the troops home. He said that he's not part of this whole political thing. Howard said that would be great if he could actually do it. The caller said that we'd be saving a lot of money if we did that. The caller said he's really excited to talk about this. Howard said he's seen him talk before so he'd heard enough. Howard said Bubba and Brent are really into Ron Paul too. Howard said that he'd like to read more about Ron Paul but he gets bored. He said he feels like a bad American not knowing more.
Robin read about how the NBA may allow Phil Jackson to return to coaching in 2012. Robin said he could return to the NY Knicks if he does return. Howard said that would be fun.
Robin read about a Star Trek convention in Las Vegas where they broke a record for the most Star Trek costumes in one location. Robin said the convention was 4 days long. Howard did his impression of guys in masks talking about Star Trek. Robin said that Leonard Nimoy came out and said it was the last one he would ever attend. Howard laughed. He said that's a shame.
Robin read about how Charlie Sheen and MC Hammer were embraced by the Insane Clown Posse Juggalos. Robin said that they showed up to the concert and the crowd loved them. Howard said he never would have expected that. Robin had some audio of the crowd chanting Charlie Sheen's name. Robin had some audio of them cheering for MC Hammer after his performance there. He was still performing ''Can't Touch This.'' Robin said that Charlie Sheen was injured while doing some batting practice over the weekend.
Robin read about the box office winners this weekend. Robin said that Rise of the Planet of the Apes was very good. Robin said that it beat out ''The Help.'' They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:10am.
Marcy said that she could feel Howard's presence there and he really lets it get to you. Jon asked if today lived up to her expectations. She said it did. Benjy said it was pretty wild to see her crying like that. He asked what was going through her head. Marcy said she was thinking about how handsome Howard is and how he has a lot of magnetism. She said that he's an absolute talent. She said she isn't a kook so she doesn't cry a lot. Gary said Howard seemed very touched by this too.
Benjy asked Marcy if her husband said it was okay, would she sleep with Howard. Marcy said she wouldn't d that. She said she's very square in that way. Jon said he's glad she got to have that moment on the show.
Jon said that he wanted to talk about what it's like meeting Howard. He also wants to talk about Howard's cat and a bunch of other things.
Jon asked Benjy if he remembers meeting Howard. Benjy said he thinks he had seen him in the hall but he never formally met him.
Gary said he remembers meeting Howard at WNBC. He said that Howard had joked about blowing your nose and why you have to look at it. He said he saw Howard in the bathroom and he was thinking the same thing and mentioned it and Howard really nice to him.
Jon brought up how Tim was making Howard nuts trying to get him to meet Jon Leiberman. Gary said that Howard uses that time after the show to decompress. He said that he doesn't want to meet people after the show.
Jon said that Tim has been doing things to upset Howard lately. He still goes into the studio even after Howard asked him not to. Gary said Tim came into his office today saying he's just trying to do his job. Gary said Tim is very energetic and he wants to get stuff done. He said the quicker he can get stuff done the quicker he can get it off his desk. Gary said he knows what that's like so he does the same thing.
Jon asked if Tim can't read Howard like Howard said today. Gary said Tim has an agenda and he has to get it done. He said Howard just wants to be left alone.
Jon said that Howard ran into Jose and Howard didn't seem to remember who he was. Gary said he got an email from Jose who said that he had told Howard about making the tacos for everyone. He said he had an idea of what went down so he just told him to come in. Gary said he told Jose to come in one day that they weren't busy and it went down the way he was hoping it would. Gary said he could have ended up just hanging outside the studio asking if Howard tried his tacos.
Jon said they heard Jose reacting in the green room to Howard saying he didn't remember him. He's a very passionate person too. Gary said he is and he's very stream of consciousness. Gary said Howard went right to the gay thing with him again. Jon said that Jose is very thankful to Howard for coming there. Gary said he's a good guy and they all like him there.
Benjy said that he's one of the ones who everyone seems to know outside of the group there. He's so happy and so friendly. Jon said he really is a sweetheart of a guy. Gary said his kids know who he is. He said that he has a bunch of CDs that he gave to his kids once so they remember who he is. They had to go to break after that.
Jon said that he wanted to talk about Jon Leiberman and how he's not really working there yet. Gary said he thought he had the job. He said he thought he stared 2 or 3 weeks ago. Gary said today may have cemented it for him. Jon said he was admitting to things pretty quickly today. Jon asked Benjy if he was surprised. Benjy said he wasn't shocked. He said it was a fun thing to explore more. Gary said the shocking thing is that he was so willing to talk about it so soon.
Benjy and Gary talked about that for a short time and Benjy said that he told Jon that he thought he looked like him. Benjy said Jon seemed kind of offended by that. Jon said that Benjy thinks he's better looking than a lot of guys there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's glad that they didn't give anymore air time to Ross Zapin. He said he comes off so arrogant and he didn't want to hear him again. He said he shouldn't get any air time at all. Jon and Gary said it was because Tim took a picture of the back of his head. That's what got it on the air. Gary said Ross isn't the kind of guy who tries to get air time. He said he's there if they need him but he's not trying to get on.
The caller also said that Tim needs to get back to work and figure out some programming for the channels and stop riding motorcycles in Baja.
Gary said that Ross didn't start this whole thing either. He said Tim was the one who took the picture of his head. He said he's not sure why people are saying that he should ''man up'' and take it. Gary said that Ross didn't even know he was part of a bit until it came up on the air the next day.
After the clip Jon said there was a collective gasp in the office when they heard that. Gary said that Howard rarely calls him on a Sunday at 8 at night. He said that he must need something done if he does contact you. Jon said that Howard was basically saying ''drop everything and do this.'' Gary asked how long Jon is away from his email. Jon said maybe 5 minutes. Gary said that he's always got his email around him. He's never away from it for long. Jon said Doug could have called Jason to get it done. Benjy said he has no idea what the protocol is with Doug. Gary said that it's his job to get it done. Benjy said he doesn't know enough about it to know how to get it done. He said it sounded kind of Spicoli-ish to him.
Jason came in and said posting a picture is a fairly easy thing to do but their web site makes it very hard to do. He said that it could be done in 5-10 minutes. He said this is the way Doug does things. He said that if you ask him a question he won't answer it directly. He said he was taken aback by what he said when he said he was busy. Jason said the honest answer might be that he just forgot about it until this morning.
Benjy said that maybe it was just one of those things that he had to do the next day. Jason said that Howard will tell him to get things up on the web site and it's something you work fast on. Gary said Howard seemed kind of irritated by that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they get paid for over time. Gary said their jobs are 24/7 there. He said that they all know that when they work there. Jon said he was putting himself in Doug's position there and said that he would figure out how to get it done that night even if he was at a party. Gary said that the picture should have been posted by 6 this morning.
Jon said that they're always on call there. The caller said it was just a picture of a cat. Gary said it was the boss saying something had to be done. The caller said that he works for himself and he has some employees and he doesn't ask his people to do work when they're not working. Gary said there are a lot of people who work on salary and not every job is a 9-5 job. Jon said it's not every Sunday either. Jason said posting a picture barely qualifies as work either.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thought Jason was supposed to take over the web site. Jason said he tries very hard but that's the stuff he has to deal with. He said Howard didn't send him the picture anyway. Jason said that he can post pictures but it's easier from work. He said his password is saved at work and not from home. He said he'd have to call Doug to get it done from home.
Jason said he doesn't know what to tell him. He said he can't get straight answers about who is running the web site. He said they made some changes and they're getting the rundown up earlier and things like that. Jason said he wishes that Doug would call in so they could ask. He said this is the way things work with Doug.
Jon said that Howard's cat does look huge. Jason said he thought it looked like a ''man coon'' (Maine Coon) type of cat to him. Gary said he thought it looked like a mix of something else because it was so big.
The guys talked about how the cat got another name when Beth threw in Bear with Leon. Jason said he thought it was so he'd sound like a financial institution like Leon Bear Stern. They had to go to break after that.
After the break Jon moved on to talk about the party Howard went to. He said he liked when Howard said he took out his iPhone and started taking pictures. Gary said he's done that too. He said you feel like you're ''that asshole'' when you do it. Jason said it would have been awesome if Elton had come out and demanded to play in complete darkness.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about Beth and the cat. He said that he thinks that Beth is substituting the pets for kids. Gary said that doesn't really hold up. Beth isn't talking about kids. Benjy said maybe there's a kid hidden inside the cat.
The caller started to ramble about something about Ronnie but Jon cut him off because he had Doug Hurwitt on the line. Doug said it sounds like Howard is pissed but he got the email during a barbecue yesterday. He figured that he'd use it on the site if Howard talked about it. He said Howard didn't tell him to put it up. He said he just said that he could use it on the web site. Doug said that makes sense what he just said.
Gary said he could have said that on the air this morning. He said it didn't sound like that. Jason and Gary were saying it sounded like he was saying he was too busy to do it. Doug said he would never say that or say it that way. He said he takes it all seriously and Howard didn't ask him to put it up immediately. Gary said Doug seems like the kind of guy that would like to be on the air but not in this way. Doug said no one wants to be under the gun like that.
Jon asked Doug if he had a problem with Jason. Doug said he doesn't and he still works with him. He said they work with the company that handles the web site. Jason said the web site itself is frustrating. Doug said they hope to be changing that soon. Jon thanked Doug for calling in. He said they were just looking for the truth.
Gary said it was a better explanation but Howard could comeback and say he did ask him to put it up. Gary said if you get something on a Sunday afternoon it should probably get up. Gary said it sounded like he didn't want to do it but now he's saying that there may have been a miscommunication there.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he just saw Keeshawn Johnson out on the street. They spent a minute talking about that. Then he confused Doug Hurwitt for Doug Goodstein but the guys didn't correct him.
The caller asked about the top 10 most hated poll and how Howard shouldn't have been on that. They quickly moved on to another caller. The caller said that it made her laugh when she heard Howard wondering what you get for a billionaire as a gift. She said that must be what it's like for the guys on the show. Gary said that he tries to listen and figure something out for him but he's impossible to buy for. The caller said she wonders if Howard knows how hard it is to buy for him.
Jason asked what would have happened 10 years ago if Gary had bought Howard some fresh vegetables for his birthday. Gary said if it was pre-Beth Howard would have thrown the vegetables at him. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about the big night they had there last night with Chuck Zito's show. He had Charlie Sheen on the show. Robin said she heard about 35-45 minutes of the show. She said she hadn't fired up her system in a while so she had to figure it out. Howard said they had some pictures of Chuck and Charlie doing the show. He said they sat around and talked for an hour. He said they even played the Sal and Richard phony phone call they did with Charlie's voice. Howard had some clips to play.
Howard played one clip where Chuck talked to Charlie about playing baseball with the Diamondbacks. Howard said Charlie seemed very normal on the show. He said at one point he was complimenting Ashton Kutcher. He said he thinks he still gets a piece of the action from that show (Two and a Half Men). Howard said he's being nice about the creators of the show and about Ashton. He said he's wishing them the best. He was talking about how smart and talented they all were.
In another clip Chuck was talking about how he doesn't know how they're going to replace Charlie on the show. He said he hopes Ashton pulls it off. Charlie said he thinks he's the perfect man for the job. Chuck said he thought Hugh Grant was one. John Stamos may have been another. Charlie said he thinks that where they ended up is superb. He said it will be a different show though. Charlie said he thinks they'll have a good run.
Howard said he was kind of disappointed that he wasn't bashing everyone. He let the clip play and Charlie was talking about how talented everyone is over there. Howard said Charlie must be on meds. He said he's so calm.
Howard played more of the clip and Charlie said that the show will probably be memorable. He said he's going to look at it and see what he left behind. Chuck asked him what he was getting doing the show. Charlie said it was going great and it came to a Flintstone's halt. He said he was partying and he got confused. Chuck said they wanted him to be that party guy but only on the show.
Howard said Charlie was being rational and charming on the show. In another clip Charlie and chuck talked about how Denise is going to be moving up the street from him. He's got his mom living with him now and the goddesses are gone. Howard said it seems like no one wants to get away from this guy. Chuck said he had his kids there, his mom there and his two ex's moving up the street. Charlie said that the goddesses are gone but the real goddesses are moving in. Robin wasn't sure about what he meant. Howard said he's saying that his two ex-wives are the real goddesses.
Howard said that Chuck played the classic prank call Sal and Richard made using the Charlie clips. In that call they had Charlie calling a guy about a dog he was selling. They had him asking questions about the dog and the guy was asking him for his email address.
Howard said the boys had a discussion about that too. He played that clip and Charlie explained where they got the clips of him from. Charlie said they created something really funny. He said that guy was really lost. They got some laughs out of that.
Robin said that Charlie sounds normal in that clip but Chuck talked about a night at the house and it sounded so wild that Charlie shut it down. Howard said Charlie shut that down and didn't want to say much about that. Howard played another clip where a caller asked Charlie about what he thinks about Howard. Charlie said when they were talking it was early in the whole thing and he didn't want to talk about certain things. He said he wishes that he was in studio with Howard in person. He said they probably could have crafted it differently. Chuck said that they did it first.
Howard asked Gary what he had there for them. Gary said that morning that he called in Charlie didn't want to talk about the sex stuff. He may have been trying to avoid that so he didn't lose the kids. Howard said that's how you get kids though. Robin said you just don't talk about that stuff though. You talk about arguments with his producer instead.
Howard said Charlie talked about his batting practice with the Diamondbacks too. Howard played that clip and Charlie talked about hanging out with them and how they let him play. Howard wondered how that happened and why. Robin said there's a rumor that they're doing another Major League sequel. Charlie said that they're not doing that yet but it's going to happen next spring. Charlie said he was just messing around with the team.
Howard said there are a lot of people talking about Charlie and a lot of confusion out there. He played more of that clip and Chuck wrapped up with Charlie thanking him for coming in to do the show. Howard said Charlie apparently gets to do whatever he wants and gets to play with the baseball team.
The caller thanked Fred for playing the Yoko Ono ''People of Earth... how are you?'' clip. Howard had Fred play it again. Howard said she's such a nut. He said she has no idea why she's funny. That's what makes that clip so great.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he'd like to hear more Chuck and less Black on Black. Howard said that might have been a mistake in programming. He said he's sure Charlie would have stayed another hour if Chuck wanted him to. He said you don't leave Chuck. Howard said you know that Charlie isn't going to bad mouth Chuck.
Howard said that the general consensus is that there was too much Black on Black and not enough Chuck and Charlie. Howard took another call from a guy who said that he wanted to talk about Black on Black and how it's very close to being great. He also mentioned that Riley Martin had a great show where he had ''food poisoning'' again. Howard said he'll have to get some clips from that show too.
The caller said Black on Black is good and he likes it. He said Big Black seems intelligent and well spoken. He said King of All Blacks is right on the edge of that ''my clothes are better than yours'' part of his life. He said there was a lot of inside discussion on the show and Big Black was calling him out on that. He said it was distracting and annoying. Howard said he'll try to get some clips of that too.
Howard played more of Riley talking about Steven Singer and how he's upset about them not sending his wife anything. Howard said he's obsessed with that. Howard said he thinks that everyone owes him something. Robin said she doesn't get how you get that logic. Howard said Riley thinks he's the top show on the top channel and you should lay gifts at his feet.
Howard had another clip where Riley talks about being at the end of his rope with the show. Howard said they should do a whole show of ''Uhm'' since Riley starts everything with that. In the clip Riley talks about being at the end of his rope and how he's going to be stopping his symbols. He said he's going to go about his merry way. Riley said if it's not of any value to you then you won't join him.
Howard said he's not sure why he's going to stop making the symbols. He said it sounds like he's closing down shop and he's the only one in touch with those aliens. Howard said he's trying to give you a wink and let you know it's time to order now.
Howard said Riley needs to get into a business where he can get out of the whole symbol thing. He said he sits around all day drawing those things.
Howard played another clip of Riley giving shout outs. He gave one to Robin Quivers. Riley said that she's still good looking and pure. He wished her a happy birthday. Riley talked about giving a picture of Robin to someone and the guy looked at it and said that he'd love to get a beef on that bitch. Riley said that he asked the guy where he learned that. Riley was starting to slur his words pretty bad around that time. He took a call from a guy who asked if he was feeling okay. Riley said that he had a bad shoulder and no one cares. The caller brought up how Scott Ferrall is going to be off and asked if he was offered any time on the air. Riley said they won't give him more time.
Howard said they would give Riley the time if they thought it merited it. Howard said he was talking to Tim about this the other day and Tim asked what he thought about Riley filling in. Howard said he told Tim that if he thinks people need more Riley then it's fine. Howard said Tim may have picked up that he didn't think it was a good thing but he wasn't saying that. Howard said he just wonders if it's entertaining enough for a few hours. Howard said Tim may put Riley on sometime but he's not sure.
Howard played more of Riley talking to that caller about the Ferrall time slot. Riley acted like he didn't care and wished the guys on Black on Black well. The caller kept going and got Riley riled up. He was telling him he's put in his time there and they should give him more air time. Riley eventually starts to talk about how they don't seem to like him there and they don't give him more time on the air. He talks about how poorly he's treated there. Howard said he gave the guy a radio show and this is how he treats him.
In the clip Riley goes on to complain about his treatment there. Howard said Riley should be thanking him for giving him a show that no one else would ever give him.
Howard played a Jack and Rod Show clip that Sal and Richard did with Riley Martin audio clips. They had an author on the phone to talk to Riley. They had Riley saying ''Huh?'' over and over again to her questions. Howard got some laughs out of that.
After that Howard played some more Riley clips and had him mumbling unintelligibly. Howard said he had food poisoning that night from what he remembers.
Howard said he would like to be considered a professional because he does it but he's not sure. He said that his pictures look as good as a professional's do. He said he's not a pro but he's trying to learn. He said he's not looking to do it as a profession. Howard said he wants to be good enough one day where his teacher tells him to go out and cover a wedding. Howard said he would like to be good enough to be able to not fuck up someone's wedding.
Speech asked what he likes to take picture of. Howard said people and not landscapes. He said the landscape stuff bores him. He said his sister is into photography and she got some kind of award. He said she's been in Newsday 3 times and she's doing good.
Howard said the weird thing is that his sister is into it too and they never talk about it. Howard said he's been busy learning Photoshop. He said Adobe is a weird company. He said he likes this Adobe Bridge and it's not all that great. He said that they don't let you put star ratings on the pictures so he had to go out and buy Light Room. He said he has purchased a bunch of products from them. He said he doesn't want to learn another program.
Speech asked Howard about chess and what happened with that. Speech said ''chest'' so Howard and Robin picked up on that and goofed on him about that. Howard said it's chess, not chest. Speech just laughed. Howard asked what his IQ is. He said just imagine being so out of it you don't know it's chess. Howard asked how he lives. Speech asked what he means. Howard told him to spell it. Speech spelled it fine so he just can't say ''chess.'' Howard said he thought he was saying chest.
Howard asked him to spell chest. Speech spelled it fine. Howard said he thought he was retarded. Speech said Shuli is going to let him do a few minutes at his comedy show this weekend. Howard said that should be great. Speech said he hopes he doesn't get mugged like he did in Louisville. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said he was busy working on his white balance yesterday. He told Robin about what he was doing and Robin had no idea what he was talking about. Howard said there are settings on a camera that let you do a white balance. He explained how all of that works. He said if he wanted to do it right he would do a custom white balance. Howard said he doesn't use a light meter, he just uses the camera. He said he can spot meter on Robin's face. He said when he shoots black people he has to do exposure compensation. Howard said that they're made by white people so the camera thinks it's darker out than it is. He said sometimes he has to under expose.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Light Room might save his life a little bit. He said he likes Photoshop but light Room has things set up so you can do things really quick. Howard said he doesn't need that though. He said he likes Bridge and Photoshop. The caller said he's going to be sucked in no matter what. Howard said he knows that. The caller said it's way more than a browser. Howard said he knows that but he didn't want to get into a whole discussion about it. He said you can do a lot of stuff with the pictures in Light Room.
Howard said this isn't ''ask the photographer'' show. Robin said he should come in and do an hour show talking about that. Howard said he could do that. Howard said he's not doing that now though.
Howard said the best photographer he's seen is this Richard Avadon guy. He said what he was up to was crazy. He said that he had a lot of great ideas. Robin said that's what art is about. She said it's about the idea. Howard said he's an artist now. He said he took some pictures of Beth's aunt last week and the family said they were the best they've seen. Howard said there's a lot of pressure on him with the photos.
Robin said she was watching a documentary on Tammy Faye Baker and she was really behind a lot of the stuff they did with that club they ran. Robin said that she was a mess with that look of her's but some photographer did a shot of her that made her look beautiful. Howard said she was a mess with that make up. Robin said the photographer made her look amazing though. Howard said everyone expects him to be great now. Robin said that's how he sets it up though. Howard said people think that he can do it with everyone now that he does some good pictures. He said that he can't make them all great. He said you have to throw some out.
Howard said he feels a lot of stress doing this. He said that he's not sure he can do this. Robin said Richard Avadon didn't do it with every picture. Howard said he'd like to see his outtakes. Howard said the guy really knows what he's doing. Howard said Wendy the Retard doesn't worry about stuff like that. Robin said a bowel movement is a big thing for Wendy.
Howard said that Kidd Chris sent him some songs. There was one song where this guy sings a song and uses the N-word in it. The name of the song was ''Dumb Nig*er.'' Howard said the song starts out okay but then he ruins it with the N-word. Howard said it goes wrong pretty quick. He said they have to interview this guy. Howard said if you're driving listening to this then roll your windows up. You don't want anyone hearing this song. Howard asked Robin if she liked it. Robin said the message might be a good one but it's coached in a weird way.
Howard said, Zenaida Perez, that girl who does the ''I'm real'' thing, called them and left a message. He played her message and she was just checking in and saying she's happier than ever. She said that the end is here and she hopes that they're all saved. Howard said a lot of people who have emotional issues are looking for the end. He said they find god and talk like that.
Howard played some audio of Debbie the Pet Lady leaving voice mails. She's blaming them for people hating on her and blaming them for not taking care of her. Debbie was talking about what ''Shelly'' did to her. She meant Shuli. Howard said he's not sure who she's talking about. Debbie was saying that people are posting her information on the web and things like that.
Howard played more of her message where the answering service cuts her off. Debbie was screaming about how she would file a lawsuit if she could. She said she's not going to take it anymore. She was in the middle of yelling when the voice mail cut her off. Howard said this goes on night after night.
Howard played a prank call Sal and Richard made to Debbie the Pet Lady using Vinnie Favale ''I love you Debbie'' tapes.
Howard said he doesn't know what's going on with Debbie. Robin said that has to be a tough state to live in every day.
Howard said Andy has run out of friends. He said that they should ask Andy about what he did to Ben Stiller. Howard said Andy seems to think that all of the Jews are out to get him. He said it's a big conspiracy to get him. Howard said the only person out to get Andy is Andy. Robin said that Andy is the one who screwed himself. Gary said Andy thinks that making fun of his shed is not funny anymore. It used to be okay but now it's not funny to make fun of it.
The caller said that Greg was going to contact Howard about sponsoring Andy Dick's rehab. Howard said that would be a waste of money. He said he has a family to worry about. He said he's not going to pay for Andy Dick's rehab which is a big waste of time. Howard said he should pick his shit up and get his shit together himself.
Howard said that maybe Greg can sponsor Andy. He said he shouldn't be passing that along to him. JD said that Greg didn't come to him because he didn't feel it was his responsibility. Howard said that's good.
Howard said that Andy is a fucking moron. He said that the reason he's not getting paid to do his show is because his show sucks. He said he has to go out and start a radio show and get sponsors and listeners and make himself valuable to someone. He said he's got to stop waiting for ''the Jew'' to give him a job. Howard said it's fucking bullshit. Howard said they're looking for someone to blame. He said that Andy is going into bathrooms and grabbing cocks and fucking people over. Howard said he has to think about what he's doing. Howard said he should concentrate on his own life. Howard said he doesn't see Andy showing up on Leno or Letterman or anywhere else. Howard said Hitler blamed the Jews too. Howard said the guy is a fuckin' nut. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he'd get to the Andy Dick rant but he had Jon Leiberman there with this news headlines. Howard said he had an email there from someone asking why everyone there was Jewish and Italian and maybe that's something Jon can look into. Howard said that he had nothing to do with hiring Jon. He said Brad Driver and Tim Sabean are the ones who are doing that. Jon said he's not even hired yet. Howard said the emailer doesn't think there are any ''brown faces'' there. He must have forgotten about Robin. Howard said people are such assholes. Howard said Richard Christy never met a Jew before he came to New York.
Howard asked Jon what he had for them. Jon said they have some breaking news about Robin's hit and run accident. Jon said the man who is accused of hitting Robin's car has been given 4 citations. He said there is a lot to this and they found out the guy's name is Robert Crockett. He said they'll be investigating more. Howard said Robin might be lucky that he drove away. Howard said anyone who leaves the scene of an accident is bad news.
Jon said they also have a story about the poll that named Howard the 10th most hated person. He said they found out that the company that ran the contest has had 21 complaints filed against them. He said that there are more questions about the legitimacy of the company. Howard said Jon is like Steve Langford on steroids. He said he's a real pit bull. Jon said he knows how to find out things.
Jon said there's a new film that Steve Grillo is in but it was shot by a 14 year old. He said that the 14 year old played Grillo as a kid and the role had Grillo playing the part of a look out in a neighborhood. Howard said this is fascinating. Jon said that Grillo took some shots at Gary on the Intern Show recently. He's been saying he makes up things about him. Grillo is upset that Wolfie is out in the field and he's not.
Jon said that Adam Carolla told a Las Vegas magazine that Howard Stern was never number one out there. Howard said he was number one almost every rating period. Jon said they did some research and found out Howard was number one many times out there. Howard wondered why Adam would do that. Jon said it had to do with bonuses and things like that. Howard said so many guys are hung up on him. He said he doesn't remember a time when he wasn't number one. Howard wondered why Adam isn't on radio now if he was number one everywhere. Howard said everyone is pissing him off today.
Howard asked Leiberman if he was in there to get him fired up over. Jon said he is actually. He said they did an investigation into bootleg CDs and DVDs and they found a guy in Canada who was selling them online. He said they found the identity of this guy and confronted him over the phone. The guy has stopped selling the stuff on eBay. Howard said Jon is good. He said he must really want this job. Howard said they hired him because he's good, not because he's Jewish. Howard said he's doing good work.
Dave said he had it almost right. He said that he just pointed out that the kid had a big ''howitzer'' down there. Howard asked if he doesn't get that what he did was wrong. Dave said he knows legally that he's within his rights to do what he did. He said that people might think it's right and the cops didn't arrest him. He said that he has the legal system on his side.
Howard asked Dave if he has kids. Dave said he does not. Howard said he would never post a picture of a child and comment on their genitals. He said that maybe not having a kid is part of that. Howard said it seems like something you wouldn't do. He said it seems kind of seedy. Dave said he doesn't think it's seedy at all. He said that he didn't think it was an issue either.
Howard asked why he took the picture down if he didn't think he did wrong. Dave said that he didn't want to deal with the complaints. He said he felt he was selling out by taking it down.
Howard gave Dave a plug for his web site BarStoolSports.com. Dave said that the blog is Boston based so Tom Brady is something that's a big subject up there. He said that they have taken pictures of the baby up there before and he thinks that means they don't care that they're taking pictures of the kid. Howard said you don't think that people are going to post pictures of your two year old on the web. He said Giselle and Tom may think that they're going to be photographed but not their 2 year old. Dave said if she cared about it they wouldn't let the kid run around naked.
Howard said he thinks that it's wrong to post pictures like that. He said it disturbed him on a couple of levels. He said first of all the kid was bigger than him. He said he doesn't think that anyone should post naked pictures of a kid online either. Howard said he kept the photo away from his wife. He didn't want her seeing how big it was. Howard said he would never post that picture on his web site. He said Dave is only promoting it if he puts it on his site. Dave said they absolutely do.
Howard took some calls and the fans were all saying that it's wrong to do this if they didn't have permission to post it on the web. He said that it's okay to post it if they have permission to put something like that up like they did on that Nirvana ''Nevermind'' album cover. Howard said he doesn't think the picture is pornographic but he doesn't think the parents expected the kid's picture to end up on the internet.
One caller said that he was a cop and he said the picture becomes pornography when you make the genitals the center of attention. He said that's what Dave did when he pointed out the size of the penis. Howard asked Dave what he thinks of that. Dave said he thinks this guy isn't a lawyer. He said that lawyers have told him it's not child porn.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if Dave put the comment on the picture. Dave said he did. The caller said that he's a piece of shit. He asked what he would do if people put a picture of his kid up on the web. Dave said he isn't followed by the Paparazzi.
Another caller said he doesn't think it's wrong to post the picture but it's wrong to talk about the size of his penis. Howard said that's just something you do as a human being. You don't mention it.
Another caller said that he'd like to know where all of the haters are when he's talking about this stuff. He said he's a great guy and he got all choked up hearing him talking about Bob Kraft yesterday. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard said he doesn't think posting the picture was right and that's his opinion. Dave said that's a fair statement. Robin also pointed out that the blog is about sports and the kid had nothing to do with sports. Dave said that it clearly wasn't illegal to do and he just thought it was a funny joke.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he knows Dave is a huge Stern fan and he was just commenting on this picture that was out there.
Another caller said he thinks that Dave is getting some serious backlash in Boston. He said he wouldn't give him the time of day. The caller said that people are asking his sponsors to boycott his site. Dave said they are getting some negative feedback and there is some backlash with the sponsors. He said that they didn't do it as a publicity stunt though. He said the site is off color and they may be taking it out of context if they're visiting for the first time.
Another caller compared this picture to the Nirvana picture and said that you just can't do that. He said he's a photographer and you need the permission of the parents to post something like that. He said he deals with that every day. Dave said that they never get releases when the Paparazzi take the pictures. Dave said that they're not getting prosecuted for that. The caller said that it is child pornography. Dave said it is not child pornography.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what his wife thinks about it. Dave said his wife is on his side. The caller said that's messed up. Howard wrapped up with Dave after that. He said that the controversy continues. Robin asked if Dave thinks that kids need protection. Dave said they do but not when it comes to this. Howard said that he has to get to Eric the Actor after the break. He said that he has the producer of Mary McCormack's show ''In Plain Sight'' calling in to offer Eric a job. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and asked where that song was from. Fred said he's not sure. He said he thinks that it's from Sirius but they only give so much information. He said that it might be a live XM performance. Howard said he loves stripped down stuff like that. He said that's why he loved Elton John so much. He said that guy is something else. He said he played hit after hit and he didn't even get to like 500 of his hits. Robin said that Billy Joel has a huge catalog too.
Howard said he was just reading about how in the mid-1970s the record companies made deals where they owned the rights to the songs from people like that and they're going to have to give them up soon. Howard said 35 years later they're going to have to give them to the artists. Howard said they'll have termination rights and the recording industry never thought they'd be where they are now. Gary said that the albums that are up this year are big albums. Howard read about some of those and there are some big ones from the Rolling Stones and Pink Floyd. Howard said that would be a tremendous punch in the face to the record companies.
Howard picked up on Eric the Actor. Howard said ''I'm an amazing guy...'' and told Eric no matter what he does to him he keeps trying to get him work. He said he's done so many nice things for him but Eric keeps calling him a piece of shit. Howard said Eric said he mentioned he wanted to be on ''In Plain Sight'' and now he's got John Strauss calling in to give him a job. Howard asked who else gets him work. He said he's not the least bit nice to him.
Eric said it's funny that he says he's abusing him. Eric said he gets it on his end from Howard and the fans. Robin said they can't take responsibility for what the fans do. Eric told Robin to get it right because he's been acting for 8 years on the show. Howard said this is so Eric and he's not acting.
Howard got John Strauss on the line but told him to hold on. Howard said that Eric won't play any parts they offer him. He said he's an actor but he refuses anything they mention.
Howard asked John what kind of role they'll have for him. John said they're just writing the shows now and they're talking about story areas. He said this is the time to do it. He said he heard the demands that Eric had last week. He said he called Mary and they were thinking they could do this.
Howard asked Eric if he would play a stalker. Eric said no because he's been accused of that in his real life. Howard said this is a character he'd play. Eric said he's been called a stalker already. Howard asked if he would play a person who killed a dog. Eric said he would say no to that too. Howard asked if he would play a crystal meth addict who watches kiddie porn. Eric said probably not. Howard asked if he would play a little person who hides in a diaper hamper who likes looking at little children. Eric said probably not. He wouldn't play a member of Al Quaeda either. Howard said he could be the world's smallest Al Quaeda member. Howard told Eric these were all John's ideas.
Howard asked Eric if he would play Mary McCormack's vagina. Eric said he doesn't think so. Howard asked if he would play a person who doesn't recycle. Eric said he would do that. Robin said that's a big leap.
Howard asked John Strauss what kind of role he could play. John said they have some very talented writers and they'd have to get to work on this. Howard asked what kind of role he'd have in mind. John said they have one they're in the area of who would be a hoarder. He said that they could go down that road. John said that maybe Eric could work with that. Howard asked if Eric would play the hoarder. John said that's one thing they discussed. Howard asked Eric if he would play that part. Eric said he wouldn't mind that. Howard asked if he was a hoarder who had to kiss a guy. Eric said no to that.
Howard said Robin Williams was in that movie where he played a gay man. Howard said all of the great actors have played gay parts. He asked how Eric is an actor if he won't act.
John said that some of the parts are people who don't come from the cream of society. He said there are drug traffickers and pot farmers and things like that. Howard asked Eric if he would be a cross dressing pot farmer. Eric said no.
Eric said he's watched just about every episode of this show so he knows what it's about. Howard asked how he can turn down parts thinking people will think he's really a pot farmer. Howard said this is what acting is. He asked how he's an actor if he won't play any role. Robin said he will only play a hero.
John said they have a role of a drag queen that they're working on. He said Eric could play something like that. He said he could be in the club where the inspectors go. Howard said maybe Eric could go under cover as a Federal Agent. John chuckled at that. Howard asked if that's what John was referring to. John said Eric would be one of the people in the club. He said maybe Eric could be wearing a wire or just be part of that scene. They could interview him and ask him a question or two. He said maybe he'd be an informant. Eric said he would not play that part.
Howard said this is a chance to get on a hit show. They're on their 5th season. Howard said it's a hit show and it stars Mary McCormack. He said that he won't play a cross dresser so how can he be an actor? Robin said most actors will take whatever role they can take. Eric said he doesn't feel like playing something like that. Robin said he's not an actor then. Eric said that he feels if you don't like the role then you won't perform well.
Howard asked if he would play a white supremacist. Eric said no. John asked if he would play a hit man. Eric said he's not sure how that would work. Howard said it would be a great part for him.
Gary asked Eric about the Fringe episode where his head exploded. Eric said that he didn't know that was going to happen until after he said yes. Gary asked if he would have turned it down if he knew that his head would explode. Eric said he doesn't know. Howard asked if he would play the part of a person in a cuckoo clock. Eric didn't see how it would work.
John asked if he would play a con man. Eric said he would go for that. Howard asked John if he would go with just a few lines. John said he was thinking two lines. Eric said he did more than two in ''Fringe.'' John asked how many he'd be comfortable with. Eric said that he didn't have much experience doing that show so he didn't know if he could handle much more. He's ready now apparently.
Howard asked Eric if he really thinks he should help him with this. He asked Eric why. Eric said it would be nice and it would help his karma go in reverse. Howard said his karma is shot. Eric said it might help turn it around. Howard asked Eric if he could go on a show as a thanksgiving Turkey. Eric said no.
Howard said John wrote the movie ''Something About Mary'' and also the Santa Claus movies for Tim Allen. Howard said the guy is very talented. Howard asked Eric if he will bitch and moan about everything on the show. Eric said he didn't do that on Fringe.
John said that they wanted to see the kind of latitude they have with Eric. He said it's a little on the narrow side. Howard said maybe he could play a guy who believes he's an Ewok. Eric said he would do that. Howard asked if he would dress up as an Ewok. Eric said you can't see who is in the costume. Howard said that's right. He'd be pretending to be an Ewok. Eric said he'd have to think about that one.
John reviewed what they went over. He's willing to be a hoarder or a con man. He said he won't be the cross dresser. John said that the hit man was a possibility. Howard said this was painful but they did learn a few things. John said they've moved a few moves down the field. Howard said Eric has boycotted the show and he's sent in lists of demands but he's going to try and do this for him anyway. Howard said he's a nice guy so he's doing this for Eric.
John said that they wanted to do their part to help. Howard said Eric may even thank them for the opportunity. Howard said he's not going to hold his breath for a thank you.
John asked Eric about traveling to New Mexico. Howard asked Eric if he'll be a pain in the ass. Eric said he's never said he needs 5 star accommodations. Robin asked if he can get to Albuquerque. Eric said he can work it out. Eric said they had to get an SUV and a driver to drive him to Vancouver and back for ''Fringe.''
Howard asked John to explain to Eric that they don't hire actors and drive them to work. John said generally they will fly someone in from L.A. He said they are willing to do that. John said they could make some kind of arrangements. Howard said he wants to be in on the writing. He said he wants him to ride around on a Shetland Pony and play a tiny sheriff. Eric said that sounds ridiculous. Howard asked John if they could do that. John said they could make that work. He said they were thinking he could play a homeless person. Eric said it would be the second time he's done it so sure.
Howard said the show is called ''In Plain Sight'' and John is the Executive Producer of the show. Howard told Eric to repeat after him and tell him what a great guy he is. Eric did it. He thanked Howard for the opportunities he has given him. Howard thanked Eric for that and thanked John for helping out with this.
John said they start shooting in January so the show will air in March of next year. He said they'll iron this out over the next few months. Eric said he figured that since Mary is pregnant and will be delivering soon. John said that is correct.
Howard said he'll keep an eye on this situation and they'll follow up on it. Howard said that Eric is getting his third role from this show. He said he must be a maniac for doing this. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about how Mary is having her third child. Howard said he never thought Mary would end up being a mother like that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he was told not to listen to the Andy Dick clips before hand. He said that they're apparently very harsh.
Howard played some of Andy talking to Greg Fitzsimmons on his Monday night show about how he has no more friends. Howard said that's a shocker. He said that they've all abandoned him because they can't take it anymore. Andy was saying that people are fuckin' dicks. Howard Stern is one of them. Howard said he likes how he blames everyone else.
Howard played more of Andy going off on him. Andy said that Howard used to be his friend. He said that he's a hateable guy. Andy said he used to be a great friend. Robin asked what happened. Howard said he doesn't know. Andy said he went on the show 6 months ago and Howard is a ''hook nosed fuckin Jew.'' Howard said he has just about alienated everyone in Hollywood. Howard said now that he's said that he's shown his true colors.
Andy goes on to talk about Howard ''the Jew'' and how he must be used to that. Howard said he's not the first and he never forgets. Andy talks about how sweet Beth is and he wondered how she puts up with that hook nosed Jew. Howard said he can't wait to get a hold of this mother fucker. He said he's a rat.
Andy was talking about Howard and Howard said even this was boring and he's roasting him. Howard said this is why they don't have him back to the roasts on Comedy Central. Andy continued to go off on Howard about what he said about him when Charlie Sheen called into the show. Andy said he was newly sober around that time and he wasn't able to sleep. He said he called in to talk to Charlie for helping him get sober. Howard cut it off and said that Andy had nothing to say that day so he hung up.
Andy talked about how he's listening to the show on the phone and he can hear Howard and Robin crapping on him after they hung up on him. Andy said he just wanted to thank Charlie for helping him get sober. Howard said Andy wasn't helped. He said they were two enablers who were crying and not getting well.
Howard said he doesn't like the Anti-Semitic bullshit. He said there's enough of that in this world. Howard played more of the clip and Andy goes on to talk about how Robin and Howard shit on him that day. Then Greg started saying that Howard always has something up his sleeve. Howard said that he thinks he's had enough of Greg too. He said it might be time to get rid of him too.
Howard played more of Greg talking about how Howard always has something up his sleeve to get his guests with. Howard asked what he's done to Greg. He said he knows what he said about Andy but he's not sure what he said about Greg. Howard said Andy has fucked up and he's at the bottom of the barrel going on Celebrity Rehab. Howard said he's always supported Andy. He said he doesn't see Greg booked on a million shows either. He said he's been really nice to Greg and he has nothing up his sleeve other than his arm.
Howard said maybe Greg was trying to get Andy to talk but he didn't have to bad mouth him. Andy went on to tell Greg that Howard is a shallow, money loving Jew. Howard said the guy is a fucking scumbag. It all boils down to ''the Jew, the Jew, the Jew...'' Howard said he's been in fights over it and people get real worked up over that. Howard said some of the cheapest scumbags on this earth aren't Jewish. Howard said Andy thinks that the world is out to get him. He said he's calling on all Jews to boycott this disaster even more.
Howard played more of Andy talking about how he thinks Howard has a lot of fans. He's not sure about that. Howard said of course he does. Howard said that's why they pay him.
At one point Greg said that he had to go to break and Andy thought it was Tim telling them to break. Andy said that he's groveled and begged to go back on Howard's station. Andy said that Howard can clamp down on his musty nuts and suck on them. He said he doesn't want his show back now. Andy said that Howard came to him and asked him to do a show there. Howard said yeah, that's how he figured he'd make a living. Howard said Andy is a delusional asswipe.
Howard said he had endless voice mails of Andy begging or a show. Andy said he told them that they didn't even have to pay him to do the show. Howard said he felt bad for Andy and he wanted to let him go on and repair the damage he did to himself. Howard said Andy fucked that up too.
Andy said he didn't get paid a cent to do the show for 2 years. Howard said they didn't tell him to do it. It was Andy's idea to get the word out. Andy said that he's not sure about the ''Jewish facts'' which Greg laughed at. Howard asked why Greg is laughing at that. He said if Andy had said ''Nig*er facts'' he bets Greg wouldn't be laughing.
Howard said that Andy is an anti-Semitic dick. There was something mentioned in the clip about some stuff that went missing during a show and they blamed him. Andy said he wasn't even there. He said they used that as the reason to shut his show down. Howard said no one wanted the liability of him and his friends. That's what it was about. He said Andy thinks that everyone is out to get him. He said that can't have anything to do with Andy. Howard said his raw talent is bowling over Hollywood.
Howard said that they don't need anyone on the channel but him. He said that putting Andy on was a goof. It was fun. He said that maybe Andy could have gotten his life back together. That's why they gave him the show. Howard said Ben Stiller dropped him as a friend and he's really suffering from that. Howard he's not sure how they could have filled that hour with anything else.
Howard said that all of these guys think that their shows are the best shows on the channel. Howard sarcastically said Andy's show was so good that he was afraid that he was going to have competition. Howard said all of these comedians are doing shows and he's really afraid of them. Howard said they all turn on him and they can't figure out why they can't be a hit on radio. Howard said that they can't do jack shit. He said they could never do a radio show and be number one. Howard said he'd like to see anyone go to Hartford, Connecticut and do it. Howard said he did nothing but sit and listen to radio and figure out how to win. That's why he wins. He said it's not talent alone. Howard said he wins because he works at it.
Howard said that he knows what he's doing and he's an incredible talent. He said that he's also a hook nosed Jew and that's how he made it. Right Andy? Howard said if they're so fucking funny then go out and find a job in Detroit or Hartford and get 2 rating points. He said he wants to see them do it with no help from anyone. Howard said they can't because they're not willing to put in the hard work. Howard said he could care less about Andy Dick. He said he's a fucking loser. He said he was nothing but nice to the guy. Howard said everyone in Hollywood has turned their back on him. He said he's acting like a 5 year old on that show. Howard said he can't get his habits under control. He said he's not sick, he's just a pussy. He said he should stand up and be a man and take the responsibility himself.
Howard said he doesn't get paid out of the clear blue. Howard said the reason he gets paid is because of all the hard work he put into his career.
Howard played more of the clip and Andy goes on and on about how they let him go. Howard said Tim came to him and said that this guy was out of control. That's why they let him go. Andy was talking about how he had nothing to do with the guys who stole the shit from them. Howard said it's amazing Andy never has anything to do with any of this stuff. He grabs cocks and does stuff back stage but nothing is ever his fault. Howard said that's amazing that it's never his fault. Howard said his channel is filled with guys who hate him. Howard said he's not sure why that is.
Howard played more of Greg and Andy talking. Greg asked if he ever reached out to Andy. Andy said he did and Howard never returned his calls. Howard said that Andy is out of control so of course he's not going to return his calls. He said that he's like a 5 year old. Howard said no one is going to help him. Howard said no one helped him get to where he got. Howard said he clawed his way to the top. Howard said he'd like to know who Andy is helping. He said it's nobody.
In the clip Andy talked about how he has called Howard at home. He said he gets a voice mail system that's robotic. Howard said that it's called a computer you fucking dope. Andy said that he has everyone screened. Howard said no one has that. Howard said that everyone screens their calls. Howard said he's not going to pick up the phone and listen to Andy talk for 2 hours about how he should have a radio show. Howard said he can go out and get a radio show on his own... or maybe not because no one wants him. Howard said he was the one guy who gave him a radio show.
Howard said maybe he knew where Andy's anti-Semitic brain was at. He said maybe that's why he didn't pick up the phone. Howard said all he did was complain about how the world treats him. Howard said no one else wants to talk to Andy either. Everyone in Hollywood is done with him.
Andy said that Howard is a nice guy under all of that ''Jewiness.'' Greg got a laugh out of that. Howard said Greg thinks that's a scream. He wondered where Greg came from with that. Howard said this rant shows Andy has no problem with Jewish people. He said he has a problem with people, period.
Andy said that he was making fun of Howard in the soft spot. He said he knows that's where it hurts. Howard asked how it is living in that trailer (shed). He said it must be great. Andy said he thinks Howard is butt ugly too. Andy said he knows that he's not a handsome man either but he doesn't have that giant hook nose like Howard does.
Howard said all of this is getting acceptable in the newspapers too. Howard said he doesn't mind if someone doesn't like him but when you get into the anti-Semitic stuff it bothers him. He said it's like people who say that not all black people are nig*ers. Howard said this is Andy doing his roast. He said the reason you only see one minute of Andy on those roasts anymore is because they edit out the 90 minutes of shit he does.
Andy talked about how he used to be a fan of Howard's. He said he's divorced Howard and doesn't look up to him anymore. Howard said Andy has no one looking up to him. He's an embarrassment. Howard said he's a fucking idiot. Howard said none of this bothers him other than the anti-Semitic shit. Howard said Andy should move to Egypt with the rest of the Jew haters. Howard said the guy is a scumbag. Howard thanked Andy for making his career.
Howard took a call from Joey Boots. Joey said that Andy has just surpassed Mel Gibson with his rants. He said he hopes that the media picks up on this. Howard said no one will pick up on this because no one cares about Andy Dick. Howard said the guy's whole life is a mess. He said he'll end up going to some sober treatment and he'll write him a letter apologizing. Howard said this is the real Andy Dick. He said that the drunk Mel Gibson is the real Mel Gibson too. Howard said this was the real Andy. Joey said he hopes that the media picks up on this. Howard said they're not going to. No one cares about him.
Howard said Andy had a career and he ruined it. Howard said he's off his fucking rocker. Howard said the guy is a mutant. Robin said he is a sick guy.
Howard took a call from Pete in Pittsburgh who said that Andy just wanted to be talked about. Howard said no one else even has him on their show. This is the only place that lets him on. Howard said when he goes to rehab again he doesn't want him to make amends to him. He said that's a bunch of horse shit. Pete said that this is what's left of Andy's career at this point. Howard said he was one of the guys who would still talk to Andy and now he won't even do that.
Pete said that Adam Carolla can go fuck himself too. Howard said he doesn't get it. He said that he's sure he'll get a call from him saying that he's crazy talking about that whole thing. Howard said maybe it was taken out of context. Pete said he was never good.
Pete said that the Jason Kaplan and Ross Zapin fight was great. He said he wants to hear that replayed. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he's a big pussy when it comes to the dogs and cats and all of this. Howard said he likes the cats. Howard said that pussy is good. Howard went to break after that.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He mentioned the Eric the Actor thing and Howard said he doesn't know why he keeps helping the guy. He said he likes the little guy. Robin said he does not. Howard said she's right. He doesn't like him, he feels bad for him.
Howard said he was going to make Eric grovel but he couldn't do it. He said his life is hard enough. Howard said he's a survivor. Howard said Eric was supposed to die when he was young. Howard said he thinks of himself as Superman when he's around Eric. He said this is a guy who can't walk and can barely shit by himself. Howard said he can walk and he's tall and he must be like Superman to him. He said Superman helps everyone, even the criminals. Howard said Robin must feel for him too. Robin said she dos but she thinks that he should be required to act with decency. Howard said he really is like Superman to Eric. He can masturbate any way he wants. He doesn't have to rub up against a pillow. Howard said his feet look like feet. He's not club fucking footed, you moron.
Jon said that they'll talk about Eric and his demands and how he won't play most roles other than a hoarder. Jon said they'll talk about Chuck Zito, Riley Martin, Howard's photography and a bunch of other things.
Howard and Jon talked about Andy Dick and his anti-Semitic rant. Jon said that he knows about that. He joked about how he got his job there being Jewish and how he put that on his resume to make sure he got the job.
Robin read a story about Warren Buffet coming out and saying that the super rich should be taxed more. Robin said that he's saying that the taxes aren't enough for the super rich and it's not that much of his income. Robin said that they say that they should raise rates on people who have more than one million dollars of income annually. Howard said that's part of the problem but the real problem is the spending that the government does. They don't watch the bottom line.
Robin read a story about a man who admitted to decapitating his son in Louisiana. Howard said the kid had a lot of problems and the father couldn't handle it. Howard said the CP kids are really hard to take care of. Howard said he tried to volunteer with people who had CP but he didn't last the whole day. Howard said he lasted 2 hours doing that. Howard said that kid was the toughest case. Howard said that's not how you introduce someone to that. Howard said the guy was like 25 years old and he was told to play music for him. Howard said the guy can't talk and he has multiple handicaps and can't communicate. Howard said he could barely point. He said he put a record on for him and it was a 45 on a spindle. He said he got nervous and his hands were shaking. The guy started groaning and he didn't know what he was doing wrong. The guy started rocking back and forth so violently that he fell over out of the chair. Howard said he ran out of the room and got someone. He said he was scared out of his mind. Howard said he was told that's the way the guy responds to music. He said he was left alone in the room again so he asked what he wanted to hear. The guy groaned at him and started crying. He ran out of the building and never returned.
Robin said this guy who decapitated his kid was 30 years old and he was tired of taking care of the boy. Robin said he had Cerebral Palsy and was in a wheelchair and needed a feeding tube. Robin said the guy left the head on the side of the road for the wife to see when she drove by and saw it. Robin said there was a lot of anger there. He could end up with the death penalty. Howard said all he did was run out of the room. Howard said maybe Eric could play that part. Robin said he'd find a problem with that too.
Robin read a story about a Colorado woman who fell off a cliff in Italy. She may have been drinking before she fell. Robin said there was a woman who fell into Niagara Falls and hasn't been found yet. They did find the body of a man though.
Robin said that in Aruba someone went missing. Robin said it's a Maryland woman who went on a trip with a guy she met on the internet. Robin said the guy claims that she went missing while snorkeling. Authorities down there think she was the victim of foul play.
Howard picked up on Benjy's friend Marianne who said she saw Beth last night at a party and she said that Howard is secretly obsessed with Leon. Howard said he hasn't spent that much time with him so he's not sure about that. Marianne said that Beth was also saying there's a chance of getting a second dog. Howard said he wishes he saw Beth as much as Marianne does. Howard said he loves the cats and the dog. He said he's enjoying the cat but he's obsessed with Walter, not Leon. Howard said he hopes that she doesn't get another dog. Howard said he loves Bianca and they're going to be a mess when she dies. Howard asked Marianne to say hi to Beth if she sees her tonight. Marianne said she'll keep him up to date on his relationship.
Howard said he got some email about Leon the cat. Howard read through some of that. Howard said someone was asking if he was a Maine Coon. Howard said he's not sure. Robin said he could be a mix breed. Howard said he doesn't want to read a book about it. Robin said that they should be able to figure it out easily. Robin told Howard about what they're like and how he could possibly tell. Howard said he looks like he's part Jaguar. Howard read more email from some fans about Leon and what the fans were saying about adoption. Robin said she had better put something in her will about her pets.
Howard read some email about yesterday's show. Howard read some about his impression of his mother. There was someone who thanked him for making her laugh every day. There was someone who didn't like Tommy from Boston's accent and didn't want him on the show anymore. Howard said Robin brought up John Stamos being one of the biggest stars of Greek dissent. The emailer said that Jennifer Aniston is actually the bigger star. Robin said she doesn't think of Jennifer as being Greek. Howard said that some people enjoyed their discussion about Beetlejuice too. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and talked about how fascinating it would be if vampires came out like they do on True Blood. Robin said that there was a guy who bit a woman on her neck in Texas and he claimed to be a vampire. Howard said all of these movies and TV shows about vampires are making people want to be vampires. Robin said this guy claims to be 500 years old and doesn't mean to be harm to the human race.
Robin read a story about a pastor who was found dead in his hotel room on Friday. Robin said that it could have been a drug overdose.
Robin read about how addiction is a chronic brain disorder. Robin said that addicts can now say that it's a brain disorder. Howard said Andy Dick can say that now. Howard said they can claim their sick and that they can't do anything about it.
Robin read about exercise and wondered how much you need to do to live a longer life. Howard said he spends a good part of his day doing it and he's tired of it. Howard said his parents are thin and they don't exercise. Howard said his mother thinks that if she walks it's exercise. Howard said he wants to do that. Howard said he works out and it's such a waste. He said he wants to go home and just sit and be on his computer. He said he thinks he's throwing in the towel. Robin said that they say just 15 minutes a day could be enough to live a longer life. Howard said he's spending 2 hours a day. Robin said they say that 15 minutes could add years to your life.
Howard did his impression of his parents talking about going on their walks and going to the gym once a week. He had his mother talking about how the body needs plenty of rest. She said the pounding of the joints is no good. Howard said he's trying to keep his weight under control but his mother will tell him to just eat a normal meal.
Robin said they say that anyone who spends 6 hours in front of the TV might have a life 5 years shorter than those who get out more. Robin said they say watching too much TV is as dangerous as smoking or being overweight. Robin said it should be viewed as a public health problem according to some.
Howard said his parents watch a lot of TV. They watch at night. Howard did his impression for a few more minutes. He had them talking about their TV watching. He had them talking about the show ''Baggage'' and how they watch it even though they don't really like it.
Robin read about Dominique Strauss Kahn and how his defense lawyers are going to give the Mike Tyson defense. Robin said that they're saying that he's going to claim that the maid was miffed that he didn't pay her for oral sex.
Robin read about a student who was found hanging from a tree in Chandler, Arizona. Robin said they haven't given his identity yet. Robin said that it's an apparent suicide.
Howard said that Charlie Sheen is definitely getting back end syndication even though he won't be on the show. Howard said he read that in a story he got.
Robin said that the number of Army suicides is up. She said that 32 soldiers took their own lives in July. Robin said that it's the highest since June of 2010. Howard said they crack from the stress. He knows what the stress is like there at Sirius and he's cracking from that.
Robin read a story about how a lot of states that are cultures of honor have a higher rate of death than others. Robin said that's why guys are always fighting when someone says something to them.
Robin read about Jeff Bridges putting out his first album. Howard said he thought it was his second. Robin said it seems to come out of the Crazy Heart movie. Robin said that this one he scored a record deal on. Howard wondered who would give him a record deal. Howard said he's a great actor but he played a singer. Howard doesn't get that. Robin said that happened to Gwyneth Paltrow too. She almost got a record deal from what she was doing in a movie. Howard said that's like what Billy Bob Thornton was doing. He said he was offended when someone asked him about it too. Howard said the guy was out of his mind.
Fred had some Jeff Bridges music to play. Howard had him play that and goofed on that for a short time. Fred threw in some door slamming sounds since the song had that kind of beat to it.
Robin read a story about the Kate plus 8 show is at an end. Howard said she looks hot in some pictures he saw. Robin said she had a make over and she had some work done on her too. Robin said they have decided to end the show. Robin said she wonders what this group is going to do now. Howard said she's going to have to dump those kids. Robin said Kate is putting her best face on it and saying that they can't wait for the future. Howard said maybe they can put a block party together and send them out on tour with Shuli.
Robin read about how there are dangers of swimming in fresh water. Robin said that they say that a Florida teen died after she became infected with a fresh water amoeba. Howard said there is no safe place to be. Howard said you can't leave your house. He said he hates leaving his house. He said he only leaves to exercise. Robin said this girl died after just a few days. She got infected and it got to her brain and she died. Howard said he will only swim in a pool. He won't go in a lake anymore. He said lakes are disgusting and smell. He said he has realized that nothing is safe. Robin said most accidents happen at home though. Howard said he was only safe while he was inside his mother.
Robin had some news about President Obama and had some audio of him talking about the economy boost plan he has in the works for September. Howard said he has a 5 point plan. It starts with a strong antenna, sales, programming and a couple of other things.
Robin read about the movie ''Fright Night'' that was remade. Robin said that was a fun movie. Howard said he doesn't like scary movies. Robin said it was a vampire movie though. Howard said he might like that. Robin read about how Colin Farrell will be in ''Fright Night.'' She had some audio of one of the stars talking about the movie.
Robin read about how Spy Kids is coming out this week and Jessica Alba is in it. Robin had some audio of Robert Rodriguez talking about having Jessica in the movie. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon asked Gary how he thought Howard was going to take it. Gary said he told Howard to wait until he was on the air so they could get his real reaction. He knew he'd react to it.
Benjy said he didn't think the Michael Richards thing was racist. He saw the Andy Dick thing as being something real. He said he doesn't think that he's ever done anything like that before.
Jon said that one of the other people on the channel who seems to have the problem with the Jew thing is Jackie. Howard doesn't take that in jest. Gary said that Jackie says that he insults everyone but he does that Jew thing when he's not telling jokes. He said he'll do it and not laugh.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they do have a lot of Jewish people on the show. Jon said that he'll let him talk but in that room right now they have 5 people and 2 are Jewish. Two of them are Italian though. Gary said that for every person you hear on the air there are 20 people making it work. The people they hear on the air might be a mostly Jewish though. The caller asked about Ronnie, who is Jewish, and some other guys who are around Howard. The caller said they have to admit that they have a lot of Jews there. He said that the majority of people are Jewish there.
Gary said that he's not Jewish, Fred isn't, Robin isn't either. Jon said that Richard, Sal, JD, Steve and a bunch of others are not Jewish. Scott DePace and Brian Phelan are not Jewish. Doug Goodstein is. The caller said that the majority of them are. He said he thinks that Jewish people go out of their way to hire their own. He said that in a Steven Spielberg movie the whole crew is Jewish in the credits.
Jason came in and said ''Jew here...'' and said that Sal and Richard are not Jewish. Will is not Jewish and he's working with Robin. He said that Fred isn't Jewish either and there is plenty of non-Jewish stuff going on there. they spent a minute talking about that and how busy some people are keeping track of how Jewish they are there. They went to break a short time later.
After the break, around 10:30am, Jon talked more about the Andy Dick thing. Jon said during the break they were talking about being identified by their race. Gary said he's been called a guinea bastard before. He said that he was in a fender bender and the guy said that his type was that of a bunch of greasy mother fuckers. Gary said he didn't know what he thought he was. He said people will call him a WOP or something and it rolls off his back. He said that anti-Semitism is still around and it hasn't died off.
Benjy said that he grew up in South Carolina and he got the Jewish stuff but it was kids trying to find anything to be a dick to him about. He said he didn't think it was anti-Semitism.
Jon said that he was told he was the first Jew that the person had seen and asked to see his horns. He said the kid was serious. Benjy said that's ignorance though. Jon said that's true. He said it has a lot to do with the way you were brought up.
Jon said that it was Jews and Italians that work there according to Andy Dick. Sal came in and said he thinks that Andy was showing his true colors and he's a true racist. Gary said Sal would know. Sal asked why. Gary said he worked in a pizzeria. Sal said that there's one thing when you joke around and it's another when someone says it with such anger.
Jason said he didn't want to cut Sal off because he might say something stupid... but he wanted to talk about the Jew thing. He said that saying that is like calling someone fat because it hurts. He said it's being used as a horrible, negative thing.
Jon asked Sal what the difference is between what Andy did and what Sal does when he says he has ''Jew friends.'' Sal said that he isn't being anti-Semitic when he does it. He's just describing his friends. Jon said he wouldn't say that their his Lithuanian friend though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to call Jon out on his story. He said there is still a lot of anti-Semitism and he doesn't think that anyone there was anti-Semitic. Jon swore on his kids that he was telling the truth about that. The caller said he has to believe him then. He said he still doesn't think that there's anyone who went to the University of Michigan who could be that ignorant.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thinks Andy was trying to be outrageous and you have to brush that off. He said that Greg Fitzsimmons was enabling it. He said he's the one who should be fired. Gary said Howard was upset with Greg. He said he may have let it go on a little too long. Jason said that you have to be mad at Andy. He said it did bother him that Greg was laughing along with him but you might let the guest go on about it for a while.
Sal asked what Fitzsimmons is. Gary said he's Irish and he can't believe that he didn't know that. Sal said that Greg should have been defending Howard. He said you can go there to a certain degree but he was being very disrespectful. He said if you cross the line you should be fired. Jason laughed his ass off at that comment.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that his grandfather was a racist and when he got a garage door opener he would joke about how he had a little nig*er kid in the garage opening it. He thought that was funny. He said that's innocent stuff. The caller said that Howard is like 100 percent Jew and he still says that he's half Jew. Gary said that if you listen to the show it's pretty obvious.
Jon took another call from a Jewish guy who said that if you think about the guests who are on the show some of them are only on because they're Jewish. The caller said that Dee Snider, Andrew Dice Clay, Sandra Bernhard and Courtney Love are a few. He said he can't stand them but it appears that they're only on because they're Jewish. Gary got a laugh out of that. He said he didn't even know that Courtney Love was Jewish. The caller said that he grew up hearing this stuff and it's the same kind of racism that other people have. He said he is offended by Andy Dick and what he said.
Benjy asked the caller if he thinks that Howard thinks in his head that someone like Sandra Bernhard isn't that entertaining but he'll have her on because she's Jewish. The caller said he doesn't think it's that blatant. He said Howard has other Jewish friends and he named a few of those. Gary said he has friends that aren't Jewish too though. The caller said from someone who isn't Jewish these are the things that someone would think about.
Jason said that he can't believe that people put this much thought into how many Jews and Christians someone has on the show. He said that this is New York after all. He said that if you live there then you probably know some Jews.
Jon said Howard doesn't care if a guest is a Jew or not. He just wants them to be interesting. Jason said Howard has passed on plenty of Jews as guests. They had to take another break after that.
Jon asked if he feels sorry for him. Gary said he feels bad for Eric in a way. He said that he can be very cantankerous for a handicapped guy though. Jon said the funniest thing he said was that he's been acting for 8 years now.
Gary said if Eric really wanted to see himself as an actor he would take more roles. He said that he has turned down so many. Jon said that you have to be able to take a role that you don't want to really play.
Benjy said that he thinks it would be funny if he took every role thrown at him. He said that he doesn't think that he should take every role thrown at him. Gary said when you're starting out in acting you do. He said he gets some of the things he's turning down but not all of them. Gary said you're not going to get a lot of work if you turn down everything. Benjy said that he's just being picky. Gary said Eric isn't an actor so what are they talking about?
Gary said that they were talking to people about Eric's travel and how he needs some special treatment. He said that it's a lot to spend for a character to do one line. Benjy said they could have a character who is on Skype.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that guy Dave got kind of screwed by Howard and Robin. He said that he didn't think that he published the photo for the first time. He got it from some other web site. Gary said just because someone else posted it doesn't mean it was right to post it. Gary said that if you don't have kids it's one thing. If you do have kids it's a big deal. The caller said if you're sexualizing a 2 year old picture then you have the problem. Gary said that Dave did sexualize it though.
Jason said he's a huge fan of that web site and he hates Boston. He said that guy Dave is a funny writer and he does some dark stuff like that all the time. He said if you read it every day it's like that. He said that he was just making a joke about Tom Brady and how everything turns to gold. He said it works in the context of the site. Jason said maybe he steeped over the line but he doesn't think he was publishing child pornography. Gary said he thinks he took it down because he was afraid though.
Jason said that he was joking about the kid but he was looking at a picture of Giselle Bundchen. He said that he wasn't putting it up just because the kid was in it. Sal said there are pictures of Nicole Brown Simpson's slashed open neck out there and he knows not to put it out there and say it looks like his wife's vagina. Jason said that actually sounds like something he'd do.
Ralph called in and said that the whole Howard hiring Jews thing couldn't be further from the truth. He said that it's even more ridiculous that people are counting. Gary said no one there is counting Howard's Italian friends. He said it's really strange.
Jason said that no one there even got hired by Howard. Jason said that he was hired by Tom Chiusano. Gary said that Sal was ok'd by Howard. He said there are some who were but others who weren't. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about some tape he was listening to of Sheppard Smith reporting on a top cop. He said ''top cock'' instead. Howard played the clip and in that Sheppard had some problems getting that top cop out. Robin said he had trouble getting it out a couple of times. Howard said he's not the first. He played a montage of some others saying the same thing. He had one from the same show but it was Smith's co-host who screwed up that time. Howard said he had a couple more. In another one the guy screwed up the same way and said top cock.
Howard said it's not so easy to read off a teleprompter so Al Sharpton had some problems. Howard said this is why they have to hire professionals. Howard played that clip of Al screwing up and not knowing what he was saying. Al just started rambling and wasn't making any sense when the prompter didn't work. Howard said that Al doesn't even need a prompter because he's got the gift of gab.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks. Janks asked if he'd hold a funeral for Andy Dick's career. Howard said he went off on Andy yesterday because of him being an anti-Semite. Howard said Jason hit it on the Wrap Up Show when he talked about how he was making Jew out to be a word that has negative connotations. Howard said he's not upset that he's Jewish. He said he's proud. Howard said he looks at Poland and that's when he's proud to be Jewish. He said that the Polish did themselves in because they were helping the Jews. Howard said they were a cultural phenomenon. Howard said it's like what New York City is today. He said they had a cultural center that rivaled none. Howard said no one is going to Poland for vacation now. He said they're known for perrogies and not for having cultural interests.
Howard said New York City is the greatest city in the world. He said no one wanted that desert they live in now. Howard said that they turned it into something. Robin said Howard has his right to be there no matter what. Howard said Andy was using it as a negative connotation and it's not. Robin said that Andy is wrong and not Howard. Howard said he's just giving his feelings. Robin said she has to justify it. She said that this is what it's like for everyone out there.
Howard said he's trying to straighten out Andy Dick. Robin said that you're bankrupt if you're like that. She said you're devoid of argument. Howard said there were some callers who though that he has guests on his show because they're Jewish. Howard said he doesn't tend to think about people like that. He doesn't even think of it. Howard said he doesn't do a body count like that.
Howard said this guy was counting Jews and it felt like Hitler in World War II. Howard said his father used to tell him about growing up poor even though he was a Jew. Howard said his family were immigrants. He said they would look for jobs and it would say ''NO JEWS'' or ''JEWS NEED NOT APPLY.'' Howard said Andy spouting off his Jew comments just came across as unacceptable. Howard said he'd like to see Andy say that to his face.
Howard said even the guy who he had on the show with the picture of Tom Brady's kid's penis. He said the guy was fine on the air but then he got on his web site and started cursing him out. He said that the guy thought he would be on his side. Howard said the guy was saying some stuff he thought he said about Columbine. Howard said he didn't say that. He said he's not sure how that compares to showing a 2 year old's dick and circling it and commenting on it. Howard said it's cowardly to go on his web site and not say it on the air. The guy was on the phone and didn't say a word.
Howard said he'd like to see Andy Dick say this stuff to his face. Howard said they can't even let Andy in the building because he was groping guys. Howard said at least Daniel Carver doesn't hide his hate. He said he hates everyone. He's very consistent. Howard said Andy will say he's a comedian and he was just trying to be funny but he hasn't been funny in years. Howard said they cut out all of his material from the roasts he's on.
Janks asked Howard if he's okay with him doing a show of prank phone calls. Howard said they have all of his calls though. Janks said he has hundreds of them. Janks said that he has a lot of them that were on TV shows. Howard said not all of them are gems. Janks said a lot of them are. He'd like to make a show out of that. Howard said he can't do live calls because he needs permission. Howard told him to call Gary and have him line it up with Tim. Janks got in a plug and said that his Twitter is @CaptainJanks. Howard let him go after that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said it doesn't seem like getting mad at Andy was worth it. He said he feels for Howard over the whole thing. Howard told him not to feel for him. He's fine. Howard said he should feel for society and Andy Dick. Howard said Andy is a talent less scumbag. He said he felt bad for the guy and gave him a job on the radio. Howard said he can't go out and get a radio job on his own. Howard said he's waiting for some Jew to give him a job. He said if he really wanted to do a radio show he'd go out and learn his craft and learn to speak on the air. Howard said that would be a radio job. He said Andy wants a hand out. Howard said they're looking for a radio show and a million bucks with no audience.
Howard said of course they gave Andy a free radio gig. No one would pay him. Howard said the reason he's in the position to do that is because he's on satellite. Howard said he could never do that on terrestrial radio. Howard said management would point out that there were no ratings there. Howard said you have to be a phenomenal performer to get a job and get paid.
Howard said Andy got on the air and complained about not getting paid. Howard said no one is going to pay him. Howard said he didn't have the best show. It was the best show in his head. He said Andy is a retard. He said he's not the only one that thinks that way though. He said there are a lot of people who think they deserve it.
Howard said Andy is a pathetic drunk and he should figure it all out. Howard said they cut everything out that he does on the roasts and he doesn't seem to get it. Howard said Andy probably thinks show business is out to get him. He said show business wants funny and they want to make money off of you. He said Andy is incapable of making money. He said he's capable of groping though.
Howard said he's going to cure Andy. He said he'll explain the world to him. He said if he wants to be on radio then go out and get a job at a terrestrial station and learn how to do it. Howard said Andy thinks that he needed him when he was starting at Sirius. He said he didn't need him. He said he's a fuckin' retard.
The caller said that the guys on Black on Black were talking about how much they like Howard and Robin. He said it was nice to hear after the Andy Dick rant. Howard said he doesn't need to be pumped up like that.
Robin said they had a big gay wedding there at Sirius on Out Q. Robin said they were talking about it on Black on Black and they were saying they can't get behind that. Robin said she was shocked. Howard said those are two great thinkers on Black on Black. He said a lot of people couldn't get behind ending slavery. He said somehow everything changed.
Howard let the caller go and took another one. That caller said that he thinks it's the end of the line for Greg Fitzsimmons. He said he was laughing like a 3 year old with Andy. Howard said he gets that he was being the host but he might have said something to Andy about not agreeing with him. Howard said it did seem a little odd to him. He said he's been gracious to Greg and he's not sure Greg would be the same to him. Howard said he thought his behavior was kind of strange. Howard said he's not firing Greg over that though. He said he's not going to get into his grill about doing the right or wrong thing. Howard said maybe Greg has a good explanation for it. He didn't think it was his finest hour though.
Howard said if someone came on the show and talked about something like that he'd have to ask where they're coming from. He said he can't just ignore it. Howard said he'd have to ask how they got to be so damaged. Howard said that's what he'd have to do as an interviewer.
Howard said that Ross was working there before he got there but some people seem to think he hired him there. Howard said he didn't. Howard said Tim was in a meeting with Ross and took a picture of Ross' bald spot and sent out and email to the guys there. He said Tim pointed out that he's going bald. Howard said he thought it was inappropriate. Howard said they were in a meeting and Tim shouldn't be doing shtick. Howard said his excuse was that he was trying to create a fun atmosphere. Howard said that's not what's expected of Tim. Howard said he told Tim that he was wrong for doing that. It's not for him to make that environment fun.
After all of that Ross ended up on the Wrap Up Show and Jason called him a crybaby. Gary said Ross was upset with Jason Tweeting something out about it. Howard played the clip and Ross was asking Jason why he Tweeted that comment out. Jason said that it had nothing to do with Ross. He said it was just ball busting. Howard played a couple of clips from last Wednesday's Wrap Up Show. Here are a couple of excerpts from my rundown:
Jason came in so Jon asked Ross why he's upset with him. Ross said that Jason went on his personal Twitter feed and wrote something about him. Jason said he loves ball busting. Ross asked if he wants him to ball bust on him. Jason invited him to go ahead and do it. Ross said he thought he was a friend of Jason and Will's. He said he took him to Yankee stadium and things like that.
Jason said yesterday he was listening to Tim yesterday saying he was going to go Photoshop hair on Ross' picture. He busted out laughing and he put that quote up on Twitter. He said it had nothing to do with Ross. He said it was just a great joke.
Ross called Jason a ''Gary Junior.'' Jason wasn't sure if that was an insult. Ross said that Jason tends to flex more than he should with the power he has. Jason said he thinks Ross flexes more than he should with the power he has too. He said he holds things over people's heads. Ross and Jason went back and forth and Jason said he feels that Ross is very childish. He said that when you call people fat and ugly in meetings that's wrong. He said he did that to Sam Benrubi. Jason said that he's talking professionalism but he's not acting professional himself. Ross said if he knew what his job was and what he does then maybe he'd understand why he does what he does.
Jason said maybe he'd understand better if he knew what he did. Jason mentioned something that Ross had done where he suggested that they put special words into the show for advertisers but Gary turned that down for 4 years but he kept asking for it. He said that Ross won't take no for an answer and he brings it up. Ross said the rules in sales are to never take no for an answer. He asked Jason if he takes no for an answer when he books guests for Geektime. Jason said that he doesn't yell at them like Ross does with his sales people.
Howard said this went on for a while and they were really going at each other. Gary said that Tim made things worse because Tim had said that he was going to Photoshop some hair on Ross' picture. That really got Ross upset because Jason tweeted that quote out.
Howard said that he'd like to know what Tim's next bit is going to be. He said he thinks he's creating fun there. Howard said Tim wants a loose, fun atmosphere there. Howard said he should let him worry about that. Howard said Tim says it's not an insurance company. He's right about that.
Howard said this week on Howard TV they had some behind the scenes stuff and he saw Tim siting in the control room watching the naked chick they had in the studio. Howard said Tim is busy creating fun all over the place.
Howard played some more of Jason going off on Ross. Howard said it got worse and worse after that. He said Ross tries to get Jason to step outside. In the clip Jason talked about what great radio it was when Tim got under Ross' skin. Here are a few more excerpts:
Jason said that Ross is a ball buster and Tim was wrong for doing what he did. He said that Tim did have a point when he told Ross to get over it. He said that people leave him in droves. Ross asked how fat he is. He said he's going to start weighing him every day. He said he's going to do attendance and Jason is going to be weighed.
Jason said that he noticed that his assistants flock away from him. Ross said he wishes he wasn't there working with him. Ross said he's a piece of work. Jason said so is Ross. He said they're both a piece of work. Ross told Jason he'll learn. He said that it's fun for this environment but not anywhere else. Jason said that Ross will probably be retired in 4 years on some beach.
After playing all of that Gary said he had a bonus clip. He said they went to commercial break and Ross wasn't done yet. Ross asked him to step out of the studio. Howard played the clip that was taped by Howard TV. Ross asked him to come out and take a walk with him. Jason refused. Ross said he wasn't going to hit him. Ross kept asking him to come out and take a walk. Jason said he's too fat to walk. Ross kept asking to talk to him out in the hall. Jason said he'll talk to him after the show in his office. He said he's not his boss and he's not going to let him boss him around. Ross asked the camera guy to turn off the camera.
Gary said they shut off the camera but Jason went out in the hall and Ross told him he was a piece of shit and he wasn't his friend anymore. That's what Jason was expecting.
Gary said that this thing has been brewing since before this whole thing. Gary said he thought they had gone too far or let it go too far. Howard said they might as well fight on the air if they're going to fight. Howard said it keeps things civil. No one is going to kill anyone if they do it on camera. He said it's the only thing from keeping them from killing each other.
Howard said he told Tim that he can't be doing this in meetings. He said his whole point was missed. That's how this whole thing got started. He said his point still hasn't been made.
Howard said that Wheels is echoing so he had to get to his point. Wheels said that some people might be freaking out over the fact that he has so many Jewish guests on the show. He made a list of Jewish guests. Howard said he has to be out of his mind. Howard said he doesn't sabotage his show by having on Jewish guests just because they're Jewish. Wheels said that he was kidding with him and he can't even tell. Howard said he shouldn't call up to just break his balls. Wheels said he loves him. Howard said he can call in with something real then. He didn't know he was joking around. Howard said there's no goofing around with him. Howard said he doesn't have people on because of his ethnic pride.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard to calm down or he'll have an aneurysm. Howard told him not to tell him to calm down. Howard said if he calms down there is no show. The caller agreed. He started to talk about the whole Jew thing but Howard said he's done with that discussion. Robin said it's like Jew central there. Howard said he's done with that and with Andy Dick. Howard said Andy seems to think he's the source of his problems. He's tired of that.
The caller asked if Beth has ever made out with another woman. Howard said she's really not into women. He said they went to a strip club a couple of times but Beth isn't into it. Howard said the strippers tried to make out with her but Beth isn't into that. Howard said she likes dudes. The caller said he wouldn't make out with a dancer either. Howard said he would.
The caller asked about Beth going out without him. Howard said that he goes out with his daughter one or two nights a week and Beth goes out on those nights. He said she goes out to animal events too but it's not every night of the week. He said he'd like her home with him but she has to go out once in a while. You have to let the other person to have a life. Howard said there are guys who get jealous and end up shooting their wives. He said they get jealous. Howard said he doesn't get jealous.
Howard said he'd like to be out with Beth but he has to say no to himself. He said that he doesn't think Beth has made out with a girl unless she's keeping a secret from him. He said he doesn't think she has. The caller said he sounds really annoyed today. Howard said he is. He said he'd be fine with Beth making out with a woman but he doesn't think she has.
Howard said Beth has had girl crushes but she just thinks women are attractive. Howard said he gets all hopped up over that and asks her what she would do if she was with that person. He said she's not going to act on that.
Howard asked Robin if she's ever made out with a girl. Robin said she hasn't. Howard said Robin loves cock. He told her to say that she loves cock. Robin said ''Olive Blackcock.'' She said that was one of the phony names Sal made up in a phony phone call.
Robin asked Howard if he's ever had a guy crush. Howard said he has and his name is Fred. Howard said he never has had a guy crush. He said he's not sure what that even means. Howard said he has some buddies he really likes. He said he likes his friend Pat and he can have a conversation with him. He said it's not that dumb either. He said he has friends and likes talking to Ralph for some reason. Howard said he doesn't want to hug and stroke his penis though. Howard said he doesn't think that way.
Howard said he was watching himself on Howard TV Behind the Scenes and he noticed how gross he looks. He said there's nothing attractive about him. Beth told him to stop watching it when he told her about it. Howard said he has to watch Howard TV. That's part of his gig. Howard said the Behind the Scenes show is great. He said he loves seeing Will interviewing the porn stars and things like that. He said they do a good job with that show.
Howard said that he liked seeing Scott DePace directing the show too. Howard said Scott was getting the guys to get a Sybian rider back into the light and things like that. Howard said Scott is terrific and yells at the guys. Howard said that they darken the room when the girl is on the Sybian and he's the one who controls when it happens. Howard said that show begins airing the first week in September. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back talking about the prank call. He was also talking about the Nirvana and how Courtney Love gave the rights to the songs to her daughter. Howard said Francis Bean is apparently in control. Robin said that sounds odd. Howard said maybe she's trying to get her daughter back in her life. Howard said a lot of these kids don't want to work so maybe that is something fun for her to do.
Howard said Pauly Shore is there to say hi. Howard said he has a new project called ''Vegas is my Oyster'' and it'll be on Showtime all month long.
Howard had Pauly come in. He said he was reading in the notes that Pauly tried to get on the Chelsea Handler show but she wants nothing to do with him. Pauly said he knew he was coming there so he wanted Howard to help him figure this out. Pauly said Howard gets right to it. Pauly said he was out promoting a film a few years ago and they asked to do her show. Pauly said he's a big fan of her's too. He said he noticed a lot of comedians on the show and figured it would be fun. Pauly said she passed on him coming on the show. Pauly said he wanted to find out why so maybe he could change something up. He said she didn't give a reason at all. Pauly said that there was dead silence that time. It was like white noise from her.
Howard said maybe she just doesn't think he's funny. Pauly said that's okay but he'd like her to just say it. Gary came in and said that happens with him a lot. He said that maybe Chelsea doesn't want to say it because she doesn't want to keep him off the show in the future. Pauly said she's done it 3 years in a row though.
Pauly said that he had a movie come out last year so he wanted to go on Chelsea's show to promote that. He said he talked to Eddie Murphy about it the other day. He said he saw Brett Ratner at a party and he worked with Eddie. Pauly said that Brett told him that Eddie loved ''Adopted'' and told him to call. He called Eddie and got to talk to him about that. He said Eddie wanted to talk to him. He said it was a 15 minute call and he was out in the parking lot of an Office Depot in South Carolina. Howard said that's a big deal for him. Pauly said it really was. He said it made him wonder why Chelsea doesn't like him.
Pauly said that they'll reach out to Letterman and they'll tell him why they don't want him on. He said they reach out to Chelsea's show and they don't say why. Pauly said he loves Chelsea though. Howard said if a show didn't want him on he'd just assume that they're not into him. He said he wouldn't want to know why they didn't want him. Pauly said he thinks that he did something personal that she's upset about. Pauly said he was so fucked up years ago that he might have done something he doesn't remember.
Pauly said she may just not like his style. Gary said that he may keep pressing her and he'll get an answer that he doesn't like. Howard asked if he treated her bad at a comedy club or something. Pauly said he's not sure. That's what he's trying to find out. He said he wrote a note to her assistant and never heard back from her either.
Howard said maybe they just don't want to upset him. Pauly said he wants to know though. He's fine with whatever the answer is. He just wants to know.
Howard said he was talking to Gary and Will about Pauly's old movies and he likes some of the old ones. He liked Jury Duty and some others. He said not all of them were great but there were a few that were home runs. He wants to know what happened to Pauly. Pauly said he thinks it's the box office. He said that the box office went down and that's that.
Howard asked how he ended up on MTV. He said he did Spring Break and Joel Gallen got him on. He said he hosted a comedy special for them. He said that his manager at the time brought this women to the Comedy Store and she thought he was really funny so they brought him down to MTV Spring Break and it didn't go so well the first time. He said he did it live and had to figure out a different way of doing it. He said he did it live with Corey Feldman and Christian Slater. Corey was getting all of the pussy back then too. He said he and Christian were getting nothing and sitting in their hotel rooms wondering what was going on.
Howard said Pauly got a lot of pussy. He asked if he got more back then or now. Pauly said he's getting more now. He said he's not chasing it as much now that he's 43. He said that it's still coming at him though.
Howard asked Pauly about tapping the well at the Playboy mansion and how that's very well known. Pauly got a lot of playmates so the girls would talk about that. Howard said Pauly is very honest when it comes to sex. He doesn't mess around. Pauly said his dad was never happy with his mom and he didn't tell her the truth. Pauly said he doesn't think the two worlds mixed properly. He said his dad was hanging out with Elvis and saw all the women there.
Howard said Pauly is just being honest and living that lifestyle. Howard asked if he's in a relationship now. Pauly said he's not but he got laid 2 days ago. Howard asked who this girl was. Pauly said she's a girl and a friend but not his girlfriend. Howard said Pauly has it all figured out.
Robin asked how he keeps his distance from the whole relationship thing. Pauly said he just does. Howard asked if he dated anyone seriously. He said he did and it was Kylie Minogue. He said he loved her so much he flew to London where she was performing and as he was flying there she was flying to L.A. to meet her new boyfriend. Pauly said that if they don't text you back then you know they're out. Howard said girls are as scummy as guys then. Pauly said he had a conversation with her after they broke up. He said she was dating this guy and he had to think about all of this. He took his headphones off for a few seconds to think about it. Howard wondered what the hell he was doing.
Pauly told Howard that he went to London and Stephen Baldwin was there so he found out from someone on the set that Kylie had flown to L.A. to meet this guy. He said she hit him back and said she was in L.A. and she was nervous that he was going to do something. He said they had been dating for like 6 months. Pauly said she told him to pick her up and they'd go to lunch. They went to a cafe and he ended up crying. Pauly said that he had to know why she did that to him. Howard said Pauly demands a reason from everyone.
Pauly said that Kylie was in shock that he was crying. He said she was looking at him like he was a mess. Pauly said he was crying and Kylie told him about the boyfriend who was directing videos. He did music videos for the Red Hot Chili Peppers and bands like that. Pauly said that Kylie was an awesome person. He said it was one of the first times that he listened to what a woman said to him. He said she was just a great person. He said he didn't even know who she was but she was in Biodome with him. Pauly said he loved Kylie. Howard said she has some following too. Pauly said he loves and misses her. He said that they ran into each other a couple of times and she's still awesome.
Howard asked Pauly about the MTV thing and what he did after that first disaster. Pauly said he worked hard on some material for about a year. He said that he did a whole thing and developed that and a manager guy named Rick Messina was doing a show at the Laugh Factory called Comic Strip Live. He said John Mulrooney was the host. He went on the show and he killed. They took that and sent it to MTV and they saw that he was ready.
Pauly said he did some vignettes for MTV and they caught on. He said that they were really funny. Pauly said he was doing shows with Jonathan Katz and sharing a condo with him. He said he was watching MTV and he saw his video come on and he thought that was great.
Howard asked Pauly about his first movie ''Encino Man'' and how that came about. Pauly explained to him what happened there. He said that they made it cheap and it did well at the box office. Pauly said that he didn't make a lot on that film. He said he signed a 3 picture deal and he made around half a million on that. He said it made about $70 million. He said he got about 70 million worth of vagina off of it. Pauly said he had a good time.
Pauly said that his second movie was ''Son in Law'' and that one was a pretty big hit too. He said it was less than Encino Man. He said they were all less than Encino Man. He said that he did a few more and they all made less and less. He said they eventually stopped .
Howard said making a movie now must be much different than back then. Pauly said that it was cool when he was making movies like that. He said he will be in a new film in September and it was nice to be back on the set of a real film. He said that the movies play every day on TV and they do for a reason. He said they did well and they still do well.
Howard asked Pauly if he still goes to the Playboy mansion. Pauly said he does once in a while but he's not as interested in getting laid these days. He said that his ''Mobido'' is gone. Howard said it's Libido. Howard asked how often he's gotten laid in the past couple of months. Pauly said maybe 4 times. Howard said that seems like he's still getting a lot of girls. Howard said he'll never get married. Pauly said he'd never say never.
Pauly said that the kind of girl he'd settle down with is the Sharon Osbourne type. He said that he would like someone who can be the yin to his yang. He doesn't need a playboy model type. He said that they have fun but that's not who he's going to marry. Howard said Pauly is looking for a woman to take care of him and not the other way around. Robin said she can imagine Pauly getting married at like 100 like Groucho Marx did.
Howard asked if Pauly's dad is getting laid. Pauly said he's married. Howard said he's sorry to hear that.
Howard told Pauly he should do a film with Sharon Osbourne next. Howard said Ozzy fucked up with her over the years but she's still with him. Howard said maybe he should date the daughter.
Howard gave Pauly some plugs and Pauly mentioned that Andy Dick is in his special. He asked what went on with Andy. Howard said he felt it was a weird thing that Andy was attacking him over. Pauly said he would have cut him from the special if it hadn't already aired. Howard said Pauly is the only one who hasn't had to cut him out of everything.
Howard asked Pauly what this ''Vegas is my Oyster'' thing is. Pauly said he does a special for Showtime once a year. He wanted to do something special this time. Pauly said he wanted to do a variety show like they did in the 70s. He said he wanted to do it at the Palms hotel. He said he wanted to do it on Porno Weekend so that was the backdrop. He said that he had this Amber Lancaster on the show. Howard asked if he's ever banged a porn star. Pauly asked if Howard has. Howard said he hasn't. Gary said Pauly dated that porn star Savanna who died. Pauly asked why he had to bring that up. He said he just got done with therapy for that.
Howard said he didn't know that he went to that dark place. Pauly said they had this discussion the last time he was on. Howard asked if they're really good in bed. Pauly said they give great oral sex. He said it seems different now though. He said the girls are really into the porn thing these days. Howard said he'd be a little sad for them. Pauly said that it's a pretty much mutual situation and they're not looking for a relationship.
Howard said he thought Pauly loved the Playboy mansion. Pauly said he still goes up there. He said he' sin his 40s now and it's not as interesting to him anymore. He said he doesn't go out and party like he used to. He said he likes to relax now.
Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who asked Pauly if he ever thanked him for Jillian Grace. Howard said they've been over that. Howard said that she was on the show and they got her into the magazine. Pauly asked how she's doing. Howard said David Spade got her pregnant and she hasn't been on the show in some time now. Howard said it's amazing that Pauly has avoided knocking up any of these girls. Pauly said that someone must have been watching over him. He said he wears a rubber all the time... pretty much. He said he doesn't think he's gotten anyone pregnant. Pauly said that he thinks he knows when the pre-cum is coming out. He said he has to pull that out so he doesn't knock them up. Howard said it's a miracle that he hasn't had a child. It could have really screwed up his whole life if he had.
Pauly said he's guessing that 25 percent of the population is an accident. Howard said he thinks he was an accident. He said his parents didn't really seem to want him.
Howard asked Pauly if he's a multi-millionaire. Pauly said he has a couple of homes that are worth millions. Howard asked if they worked out the family thing with the Comedy Store. Pauly said they have worked it out and the family is talking. Howard said Pauly's family didn't want him to develop the club the way he wanted to. Howard said he was very open and honest on the show about it and then the brothers wanted to get on the air. Howard asked how they worked it out. Pauly said they just started talking. He said he thinks it was about the control of the club. He said they needed to make money at the end of the day. He said that there are people who don't get along in business and that's what they had to talk about. Pauly said he's not running the club. He said his brother is running it. Howard said he thought Pauly was the one who was going to run it. Howard said he must have given up. Pauly said that they're working together on it right now.
Pauly said they're friendly and they do talk. He said that they have dinner with their mom and they do talk. Howard said that sounds like big doings. Pauly said that it is a business and they're all putting that first instead of the past things that were going on. Pauly said they're trying to put together the 40th anniversary of the club right now.
Howard gave Pauly some more plugs for his Showtime special. You can find out more at PaulyShore.com. He said that Pauly is also looking for an assistant and you can go through WillWorkForPauly.com to find out more. Howard said that he's looking for someone who knows Hollywood people and people they can get in touch with. Pauly said that they have to be available a good portion of the day because he has to have tours booked and things like that. He said he has a lot of things he needs help with. Howard said it sounds like a lot of work. He asked what he would pay someone like that. Pauly said everyone is different. He said that he's not going to say that he's going to pay something and give it to someone who doesn't know what they're doing. Howard asked if it would be around 50,000 a year. Pauly said it would be around that.
Howard asked if he will fuck his assistant. Pauly said of course not. Pauly said that the assistant will be managing his stuff and also oversee a small team of people that work with him. Howard said it sounds like he needs an illegal alien.
Howard asked if there's something going on with him. He asked if he's alright. Pauly said he's fine. Howard said he's just kidding with him. He wished him luck with the new special and talked to him more about this assistant thing. Howard said he thinks that a lot of people expect the assistant to be everything to them for 50 grand a year. Howard said that's really not fair. He wrapped up with Pauly and told him to let go of the Chelsea Handler thing. He asked if he was okay because he seems a little weird today. He said it seems like something is bothering him. Pauly said he was fine. Howard said he seems depressed. Pauly said he's really okay. Howard said someone must be pregnant. Pauly said that would be awful. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he can't believe he still hasn't seen Neil Young in concert. He quickly moved on to talk about Benjy going out to an event. He said that the tolls are going up there in New York and they held a hearing about it. Howard said that Benjy went to the hearing and most people are upset that they're doubling the tolls. Howard said people are outraged and they bussed in some transit workers for the meeting. Howard said that means more money for jobs if they raise the tolls.
Howard said everyone gets up and talks and talks at the meeting. Robin said they are doubling it over the next couple of years. Howard said that so many people get up and make speeches that they get to be dull. Howard said Benjy got up and started doing a speech from Footloose. Howard played the speech from the movie first. He said that Kevin Bacon's character gets up and makes his speech about the dance thing. Howard said that the girlfriend is very proud in that scene. He said that they all want to have a dance even though it leads to sex.
Howard said Benjy got up an made the same speech. He said no one seemed to care that he was making it. Howard played Benjy's clip and in it he was reciting the lines from Footloose and no one was doing anything about it. Howard said there's something about the speech that wins people over. Howard said if something is going wrong just read this speech. Benjy made the speech to a room full of silent people. Howard said he watched the video and people were just listening to it like any other speech. Howard said they thought he was making a point.
Howard said at one point Benjy stands up and detaches the mic from the mic stand. He started walking around. He kept making the speech and rambled on and on. No one did anything. There were a few giggles that could be heard in the audio clip but most of the people stayed quiet.
Gary said there was a woman standing next to Benjy doing sign language and when he would get excited she would too. Benjy said that he had to thank the girl who shot the video for them. He said her name was Nikki something. He said she's the ''dog girl'' like Howard knew who he was referring to. Howard had no idea.
Howard played more of Benjy's speech and he was able to recite the whole thing without interruption. Robin said no one knew it had nothing to do with the fare hike. Howard said maybe they thought he was against it and he was saying they should dance as a community. Howard said that read rivals Kevin Bacon's performance.
Howard played more of Kevin's read and compared it to Benjy's. There was one woman who said ''Amen'' at the end of his speech. Benjy said it worked, the Port Authority is going to have a dance now.
Howard said that Joy just got married. He said that he thought that was pretty funny. He said she was all proud that she wasn't married and she was with this guy for 20 years. Howard said she was asking him about why he was marrying Beth when he got engaged. He said she was all over that but then she went out and got married.
Howard asked who filled in for Joy when Robin didn't do it. Robin said she has no idea. Howard said he'd be interested to know. Robin said she didn't care. Howard said it must not be that much fun filling in for Joy. Robin said she enjoys it. She said she wanted to take some time off though. Howard said she's earned that right.
Howard asked what show Lisa was on. Robin said she was on Showbiz Tonight. Howard said he likes that. Robin said she was talking about Jennifer Aniston and her boyfriend moving in together. Howard asked what Lisa knows about Jennifer Aniston. Robin said she had some things to say. Howard said Lisa should say she has no idea what to say.
Howard said that he wouldn't know what to say and Lisa shouldn't either. Howard said Lisa should have said she had no fucking idea what to say. Robin said that they all had something to say about the situation on that show.
Howard asked Robin if she would go on one of those shows where you try to find a man. Howard said he heard that Judith Regan was doing that. Howard said that it's her birthday today actually. He said it's his mother-in-law's birthday today too. He said that he has switched over to all electronic calendaring now. Howard said Jeff Shick helped him out with that. He said he acted like a 2 year old with that whole thing. Howard said Jeff is like a Yoda to him. Robin asked how he enters things. Howard said he enters them through his iPhone and iPad and Lotus Notes and it all works together. He said he's using iCal as an app.
Ralph called in and said that the Port Authority is so fucked up that they had no idea what Benjy was doing and they don't run anything on time either. He said they're a mess. Howard said Ralph is upset over this. Robin said they obviously don't care what people are saying at that meeting. Howard said that's right because Benjy made that whole speech. He said now there's no dancing allowed on the trains.
Gary said that a lot of that money is going to the rebuilding of the World Trade Center. He said he's not sure why he would have to pay for that for taking the train.
Howard said that there was a discussion about The Talk and how Julie Chen went on vacation and she didn't allow the other hosts to talk to certain people since she wasn't there. Howard said Ralph was like that with Jim Cameron. Gary said he heard that the guys were complaining about it. Ralph said that he wasn't able to be there but he didn't tell the guys not to interview him. Gary said he begs to differ. He said they're afraid of Ralph so they may not come in to back him up.
Jason came in and said that none of this came from him. He said that Gary has the story pretty much right. He said Ralph eventually let them do the interview but the initial thing was that Ralph didn't want to let them do it without him. Ralph said that's just not true.
Howard wrapped up with that and said he wants to know what Lisa G was saying on that Showbiz show. He asked JD if he had any clips.
Howard said he's a couple of episodes behind on Celebrity Rehab so he and Beth sat down and watched some of it. Howard said they're having some season. He said that it's the greatest. Robin said that Amy Fisher is the best train wreck ever. Howard said Bai Ling is great too. Robin said she could watch Amy Fisher all day long. Howard said one of the people said something to Amy about her shooting someone in the face and she had a meltdown over it. She has no idea why people are so mean to her. Howard said Steven Adler hates her. Robin said he's the best. Howard said Steven is on every season. Howard said that he points out that she shot someone in the head. Her husband Lou threatened to kill someone and it's just great stuff.
Howard said they had some chick on the show who had spent some time with Dr. Drew. Howard said she's gained a few pounds but she's doing okay with not drinking. Robin said you know Amy Fisher is going to leave and start taking pills again. Howard said that's good. He said he still can't believe she got out of jail. Howard said she should be laughing and smiling that she got out of jail. Robin said that the husband is complaining that he lost jobs because of Amy and that's why she has to do porn. Howard wondered what kind of jobs he lost. Robin said he was in the lighting business for shows or something like that.
Howard said he wouldn't even know who Lou was married to. He wondered how he would lose work. Howard said he doesn't even know who Fred is married to. He said she could be married to Casey Anthony for all he knows. Fred said she is pretty hot.
Gary told Howard what the quotes were about the rape thing and how it was part of his childhood. Howard said he's a guy who pisses on a plane and rapes people. Howard said that he may have claimed that it was misinterpreted. Benjy said that he claims he witnessed rapes as a young man but he didn't participate. Howard said maybe he should have jumped in and tried to stop the rapes. Howard asked how many rapes he could have really seen.
Howard read that Scientology may have been the reason behind Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony's break up. Howard said that's a really dumb thing to break up over. He said he's not putting Scientology down. He's putting down all organized religion. Howard said it's all make believe. Robin said that Jim Breuer's wife got like that and Jim became kind of religious.
Howard said that he had the tape of Lisa G on Showbiz Tonight. He played that clip and they were asking Lisa about a poll they held and why people picked what they picked. Lisa commented on that dopey poll. Howard said he'd tell the guy the show was idiotic if they asked him about it.
Howard played more of Lisa on the show and they asked her about Jennifer Aniston moving in with her boyfriend. Lisa said that it might be too quick but then she was saying that you never know when Cupid's arrow is going to hit. Howard said he needs to go on that show and have some really crazy views. He said he wants to go on now. He said his views are going to be insane.
Howard was doing an impression of what it would be like for him to go on that show. He was going insane with the answers he was giving to the host. Howard said that he wants to be on that show. He said there is no reason for that show. Howard was asking himself questions about his own show and going nuts with his answers.
Howard played more of Lisa's answer and she was going both ways on her answer. She was saying it was too soon but then saying that Jennifer should go for it. Robin said they should have Howard's mother on that show. That led to Howard doing his impression of his mother commenting on that nonsense.
Howard had the host asking his mother all kinds of various questions. He was doing his impression of his mom answering them all with her wacky logic. That led to Howard saying that he thinks his parents gave up on square dancing. Howard said he thinks his dad can't hear the calls anymore so he gets upset about that. He said his dad is a perfectionist and he'll yell at his mom for not doing it right. Howard said that was good exercise for the though so he's kind of upset that they don't go.
Howard played more of Lisa G's clip where she was commenting on Jessica Simpson and her boyfriend not having a job. Howard said this is some show. He said it's the greatest show on TV. Howard said that Lisa is commenting on a relationship and she doesn't even have one herself. Howard said this is some show. Howard said Jessica Simpson must have tuned in and wondered who the hell this Lisa G was.
Howard said that the whole show is an abomination. Howard said maybe he should get Lisa's opinion on the Jennifer Lopez story too. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and didn't recognize the song Fred was playing right away. He said he liked it once he recognized it. Howard said it's good. Fred threw in Robin's ''Cocaine'' singing during that song. Howard kept telling her that it wasn't the right song.
Howard said that he had to congratulate Chaz Bono who now has a beard. Howard showed Robin the picture. He said he looks tremendously like Benjy. Howard said they should get Lisa G to come in and comment on that.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show and mentioned Pauly Shore and the odd way he was behaving toward the end of the interview. He and Howard spent a minute going over that. Jon mentioned some other things they were going to talk about and mentioned Benjy and his interviews and speech.
Howard said he felt like Jesus. He said that people used to carry on over him and he felt like a deity when she cried. Howard said he doesn't remember anyone crying over Jesus in the bible. Howard said he felt weird though. He said that was a very powerful thing. Howard said if his wife started crying over someone like him he'd be upset. Robin said that must be hard for a guy to get over. Howard said he must be pretty secure. He said that only a husband should make you cry.
Howard said he got annoyed with Beth when she said that one of Leon Black's kids was so good looking that it took her breath away. Howard said that upset him. He said he told her that didn't sound good to him. He asked her not to say that anymore.
Howard played some audio from Monday's Wrap Up Show where Gary talked to the woman about her crying. Howard said he's pretty sure he could bang her after hearing that. Howard asked Gary to make a ring tone out of that clip. He said he wasn't kidding either.
Howard said this reminds him of that Braco the Gazer guy that Robin talked about. Howard played more of the clip and talked about what a big deal that was for him. Howard said he's pretty sure that he could leave radio and go start his own community where he gets to fuck everyone. He said he could probably have a good 8,000 people who are devoted followers. Howard said he felt like Braco the Gazer. He played some clips of some people talking about that creepy Braco guy. Howard said that guy reminds him of Scott Stapp.
Howard said all this guy Braco does is stare. He doesn't do anything else. Howard then had Fred play some music and played the Marcy clips to make it sound like the Braco tape he was playing. Howard was pausing the Marcy clips and would let the music play a little bit to make it more dramatic. Howard told Gary to send the tape to his dad.
Robin read a story about the Kim Kardashian wedding. She said there's a lot going on around that. Howard said he didn't know anything about it. Robin said that Kim is with a guy who plays some sport. She wasn't sure what sport that was. Kim used to date Reggie Bush who was a black guy and Howard was thinking that's show she was marrying. Robin said it was a white guy she was marrying. Robin said the marriage is happening on Saturday. Howard said he could care less. Howard did a live commercial and went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:40am, Robin got back to her news and read about The Dudefest going on last night. Robin said she knows Richard Christy was there. Robin said The Big Lebowski is coming out on Blu-Ray so they were promoting that last night.
Robin read a story about Tom Hanks being told by fans that his last movie sucked. Robin said that hanks apologized and gave them back the money they spent on tickets. Howard wondered what kind of shithead goes up to Tom Hanks and does that. He said that he doesn't go where they work and shit on their work. Howard asked if that movie was particularly bad. Robin said she didn't think it was all that good. Howard said he doesn't think anyone wants to fuck Tom or Julia Roberts anymore. Howard said her million dollar smile is worth about 20 bucks now.
Robin read about a couple in Florida who had 692 cats in their house. Robin said they've been charged with animal cruelty. Robin said that this is one of the top 3 cat hoarding cases in history. Robin said they called themselves a cat sanctuary and now they're facing 35 counts of animal cruelty. Robin read about how they had to put down about 100 of the cats. She said that the people who brought the cats there thought they were going to a country club-like environment.
Robin read about how Abercrombie and Fitch has asked the Jersey Shore people to please stop The Situation from wearing their clothes. They don't think it's a good thing for their brand. Howard said Kenneth Cole did something like that to him when he got to New York on WNBC. Howard said he didn't like being used like that. He said he thinks it was Kenneth Cole that did it. Howard said he heard that Abercrombie and Fitch sells a t-shirt based on The Situation so they're obviously obsessed with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was watching Erin Andrews on Regis and Kelly this morning. He said that Jeff Bridges was also on the show. Howard said Jeff Bridges has some balls on him putting out a record. He said he's not going to have a hit record. He said he's not that great. He said he sang well in a movie. He said he's like Billy Bob Thornton. Howard said that guy is out of his mind. The caller said you can hardly understand what Jeff is saying when he speaks. Howard said the guy is a good actor and that's what he should stick to.
Robin read about a second person who was killed by a brain eating amoeba. Robin said a 9 year old Virginia boy died from the same thing that a 16 year old Florida girl died from. Robin said that it's in a river there in Virginia. Howard said that at least when you get eaten by a shark you can see it coming. He said you don't see this amoeba coming. Robin said that the amoeba attacks through the nose and to the brain. Robin said that this same thing killed the 16 year old girl in Florida. Howard said he's so paranoid about germs and he doesn't go anywhere. Howard said now you get this in America and not even just by going to Mexico. Robin said that both of them were in rivers. Howard said he barely leaves his house. He said he'll never go swimming in a river.
Robin read about how some cigarette makers are taking the FDA to court over labels they're being forced to put on their packaging. Robin said that they're looking for the graphic labels to be made unconstitutional. Robin said the labels are due to be out next year and they show very graphic images of people with cancer. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read about a guy who got into it with President Obama at a Town Hall speech. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about why he was complaining about the way Obama is doing things. Robin had some Obama speech clips to play too. Robin had some clips of Rudy Giuliani talking about how bad Obama has been at doing his job. Howard said that he likes Rudy so much and he was convincing him that Obama is no good. Robin said Rudy will figure out if he's going to run in a couple of months. Howard said he's not going to run. He said Rudy and his wife are having too good of a time to do that. Howard said guys who are having a bad time are the guys who are going to run.
Robin read about how the Casey Anthony family is not going to go away. Robin said that they're all going to be on the Dr. Phil show. Robin said he says he's going to ask every question that's on his viewer's minds. Howard said he feels bad for the parents. He said if the father didn't do anything wrong and he's trying to protect his daughter he feels bad for the guy.
Robin read about how Sea World is having some problems. Robin said they had a whale eat a trainer and now they had a lightning strike in Orlando. Robin said that it sent 8 people to the hospital. Robin had some audio of one of the people who was there talking about what happened.
Robin read about a woman who won a contest to be Mayor for a day. Robin had some audio of the woman talking about how she was going to rename Main Street to Justin Bieber street. Robin said they won't be keeping that name. They did put up a new sign but it won't be staying.
Howard said he went on vacation once and he went swimming with the dolphins. He said it was such a letdown. He felt bad that the dolphins were stuck in this pool. He said it was him and Beth and a couple of other people. He said that the trainer was an asshole too. He said the guy was Australian or something. He said the guy told them to take a sardine and hang it out of their mouths. He said the guy was just kidding about putting it in their mouths. Howard said Beth didn't fall for it. He said he was sick and shivering but everyone convinced him it was the chance of a lifetime. Howard said the dolphin came near him and it was creepy. He said it wasn't talking to him and there was no connection. Howard said Beth told the trainer it was amazing but it really wasn't. He said that dolphins sometimes rape female swimmers. He said he thinks that happened once. Robin said she's not sure about that.
Robin had some news about the band Sugarland so she had Howard play some of their music. She had some news about the concert they were playing when the stage collapsed. Howard said he can't imagine dying while seeing that. Howard said that's such a shitty concert to die for. Robin said that the band put out a letter to their fans on their web site.
Howard said Bianca just had a good visit with their vet. He gave her a shot for her arthritis. Howard said that's the only guy they can trust to do it. Howard looked for a joke he had in his phone about Sugarlnad. He said he wasn't able to find it and it might not be that great of a payoff if he did.
Robin read about how Eminem has been named the king of Hip Hop by Rolling Stone magazine. Howard said that must piss off guys like Jay-Z. Robin said they go by record sales and concert sales. Robin had Howard play some Eminem music.
Robin read about how Jay-Z and Kanye West's new song is selling very well and broke a record at iTunes. Robin had Howard play some of that song. Howard said it's not his thing. Fred played the door slamming clip while that song played.
Howard asked if Sugarland was on stage when it collapsed. Robin said they weren't. It collapsed right before they were to go out.
Robin had some audio of Jessica Alba talking about her new ''Spy Kids'' movie. Howard played a few seconds of that and asked if she's ever been in any good movie. He said Sin City was okay but he doesn't get why she's still in the movies. Robin said she's very pretty and she gets to stand around in movies.
Robin had some audio of Anne Hathaway talking about her new movie. Howard said he heard from Beth that it was pretty good. He said that she can look very pretty at times but she seems kind of peculiar. Howard wondered if she's good in bed. He said he'd bet she is. Robin said she's going to be in the new Batman movie ''The Dark Knight Rises'' so she had her talking about that too. Howard goofed on her a little bit about the things she was saying in that clip.
Robin said that Fright Night is coming out soon. She had some audio of one of the stars talking about that. Howard let that play and said she's a bore.
Robin said that Burt Reynolds may soon lose his home. Robin said that a lawsuit was filed earlier this month and he owes some money to the people who own his mortgage. Robin said that he's been trying to sell the house since 2009.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that lesbians love Sugarland. Howard asked what he meant by that. The guy said he went to a concert and all of the girls around him were hot lesbians. Howard said there's a whole lesbian thing going on out there and he didn't know that they loved Dinah Shore golf tournaments. The caller said that they love Sugarland too. Howard thanked him for that.
Robin said that Nick Cannon is going to be on a new TV show. Howard said that it sounds like he's so busy he doesn't want to be home. Howard said he knows he doesn't like him saying that but he's not sure what that guy is up to.
Robin read about how Coco Channel may have been a spy. Robin said that's what someone is saying in a new book. They wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:20am.
Gary said that he didn't know Benjy was doing the Footloose speech. He said he thought he was just being weird. Gary said Benjy kind of moon walked out of the meeting too. Jon went to break and said he wanted to get everyone in there to go on with the show.
Jon asked Robin why she's not doing the Joy Behar show. Robin said she's trying to enjoy her summer. She said it takes a lot of energy to do that and this show. Robin said she just wants to enjoy the summer so she's not going to do that.
Jon asked the guys if they think Howard would do the show. They said those shows would love to have him but Howard probably wouldn't do it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought Pauly was being kind of a bitch today. He said he was kind of smart ass and moody. Gary said that Howard said he did have a weird vibe today. He may have been tired or something. He wasn't the usual Pauly. The caller said he was kind of snappy and short with Howard. Robin said that he didn't seem to go down the leads that Howard would give him. Benjy said that asking Pauly about sleeping with a porn star is like asking AJ Benza if he likes espresso. No one got the reference.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thinks Howard named his cat after the guy who hired him, Leon Black. Robin said she thinks Howard would admit that if he did. She didn't think he'd be ashamed of that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he heard Jackie's show last night and the only thing that kept him awake was him yelling at his radio about Jackie being so horrible. He asked Robin if she's listened to the show since he added the girl to his show. The guy said that the woman laughs at his stuff and she's just like Robin but she laughs 5 times as much. Robin said she hadn't listened to it.
The caller asked if they could bring Jackie back to the show after Artie left. Gary said he thought Jackie did well on the show writing bits back in the day but the show has changed. He said he doesn't think he would have fit in quite as well this time around.
Gary said they got an email from the guy who dated his student who was on recently. He trashed the shit out of Robin and he's not sure why he went off on Robin. Robin said she thinks that people don't want her stoking the fire anymore. She said she has tried to defend Sal on the show and he started screaming at her. Gary said that he forgets that Robin is there sometimes and then he hears her yelling at him.
Ronnie came in and said that Shuli cut up that news report to make him sound like an asshole all the time. Ronnie said he interviewed him about Robin losing her ID there and he said some people are stupid when they lose their IDs. He wasn't saying Robin was stupid but Shuli made it seem that way.
Ronnie said he wasn't calling Robin stupid. Robin said she's only lost her ID like 2 or 3 times since they got there. Ronnie said he hasn't lost any. Robin said it's not that often that she loses her stuff.
Benjy asked Ronnie if he thinks that losing an ID makes a person stupid. Ronnie won't talk to him so Gary had to ask. Ronnie said no. He said that it makes them forgetful. He said that Robin has become kind of ''Maggooie'' lately. He said she's not all there all the time these days.
Jon was wondering if her car accident threw her off in some way. Robin said it didn't. Gary asked Robin if they caught the guy who hit her in her hit and run. Robin said they did. She said that the guy hit her after doing a 360. She said he drove off after hitting her. She said they caught him and she's not sure if there will be a trial or anything.
Jon said that Howard played some of the show from the other day when Marcy was crying. He wondered if Howard could lead a religion like he was saying he could. Robin said that woman Uzo was like that with Howard and she thinks that Howard could have his own religion. Gary said that they might not be the most normal people but the Wack Pack would be there like the apostles. Jon mentioned Sal and Gary thinks he'd be part of it too.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she got a black cat that she named Robin Ophelia Quivers. She said that she was so happy she got through to talk to them. Robin said that's the second cat she had named after her. The other one was black as well.
Jon brought up the fight that Jason and Ross had on the show and how that took place right there in the studio. Robin said that she thinks Ross has a problem with Tim taking a picture of his head in a meeting. Gary said you can do a lot of wrong stuff as long as it creates content. Robin said Ross told Tim that he was wrong and if he's the one who is supposed to be behaving the right way then it throws it all off. Gary said that Jason and Ross may never speak again. He said that Tim and Ross will get over it but Ross and Jason may never speak. They both think the other one doesn't respect the other.
Benjy said that Ross and Tim have to get along. Gary said they're good friends though so it makes it easier to deal with. Gary said when you come on this show it's a safe haven to air your stuff. He said when you're in a meeting you don't do that. Gary said that he thinks Ross is going to stay off the show for awhile. Gary said he heard Ross talking about how he's never going to talk to Jason again while being interviewed by the Howard TV guys. Jon said they had to go to break after that.
Benjy said he was debating on how to do the whole thing. He said he was going to go in and neigh with the horse head costume. He said that he figured this would be better though. Benjy said he had pre-registered for the meeting so he could make a speech. He said he got there around 6 and waited about a half hour. He said he had clips of some of the other speeches that were made. Gary said he saw some of the coverage on the news and there was a very passionate woman there making a speech. Jon said it can diminish the other speeches when Benjy does his thing. Benjy said there was an online meeting thing and he sent in a few lines to try and get them into the official transcripts.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought this was the funniest thing Benjy has ever done. He said he isn't a fan of Benjy's either. He said that he has to commend him on this bit though.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he saw the Ross and Jason fight on Howard TV. He asked why Ross was able to shut the camera down at the end of the fight. Gary said that he thought there was an unspoken rule that you don't shut it off, ever. The caller said that it was a great fight and it was like having sex with a woman and you have to stop before you cum. Jon said they had other cameras and mics in the studio so he's not sure how they didn't get the rest of it.
Benjy asked the camera man, Dan, what happened. Dan said that they do have the rest of that on audio. Gary said they should get that then.
Jon said that this fight went on outside and the bad feelings keep lingering. Gary said that the Howard TV guys may have been honoring Ross' request to shut the camera off. He said he's going to listen to the clip and maybe get it on the air. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking to Robin. Robin said she just learned that there's something called HBOle which is Spanish HBO on demand. Howard didn't know what she was talking about at first. He thought he was talking to audio clips since Fred had played her ''My clitoris is dainty'' at the start of the show.
Howard said he was up late trying to catch up on TV. He said he's been falling behind lately. He said they watch Celebrity Rehab and they're going to start Bachelor Pad soon. Howard said people keep asking if he's watching and he hasn't started yet. He said he heard it's very good.
Howard said he loves the show ''Falling Skies.'' Howard said it's really good. Robin said she hasn't seen it yet. Howard said they're really good but there's only 6 episodes. Howard is into Fringe now too. He said that he's in season 2 of that show. Robin said she lost her episodes. Howard said Robin has been losing things all the time lately and it seems she doesn't care. He said he thought Ronnie calling her stupid was a bit harsh.
Howard said Robin really just doesn't care. Robin said she has a lot on her mind. Howard said she's not organized either. Howard said she's not stupid, she just doesn't care. Robin said she used to see people put things in their wallet in a certain place and that would make her nuts. She said she has realized she has to do that now. Howard got a note saying that Howard TV has had to let her into the bathroom like 100 times. Robin said she leaves her ID at home a lot. Howard said he has his key because he puts it in the same place every time. Robin said she's learning to do that.
Howard said his father used to yell at his mother when she'd lose her keys. He said he made her a hook in the kitchen but he couldn't comprehend how she could lose them. Howard said he berated her until she got it right. Now you never hear about her losing her keys. Howard said his father will berate you until you conform.
Howard said organization is a wonderful thing and it liberates you. Robin said it saves you time too. Howard said for years he didn't understand keeping a schedule. He said if Robin had 10 million dollars in a box she'd lose it. Robin said she would not. Howard said she only loses things that are not important to her. Robin said she's lost many things. She said that she lost phones, money and things in her purse just weeks ago. Howard said she'd clear it up in a day if she really cared. Robin said she realized she had to start doing it so she got a wallet. Howard said anything that's precious to you, you don't lose. Robin said she's been doing this since she was a child. Robin said she lost money as a child and she was devastated. Robin said she cried over that.
Howard said he doesn't think she cares. He said that his wife is the one who told him to get organized. Howard said he used to go to that book that he kept things in. Now he's electronic but he's still organized. Howard said Robin has a purse and she has too many things in there. Robin said that the wallet, phones and keys are in there now. She said that's it. Howard said that's good.
Howard said he has a purse too. He said he's like a woman. He said he has his phone in there with the To Do list. Howard said that's essential to be organized. He said you can't have notes everywhere. He said they have to be in the same place. Howard said you have to commit to it. Robin said she's committed to her wallet. She asked if he wanted to see it. Howard said he didn't want to see it. Robin said it's great to open it up and be organized. Howard said she has to have a calendar book where she has all of her appointments and things written down. He told her if she wants to do it in her phone she has to get the ToDo app. Howard said she has to weed everything out every day and get organized.
Howard said Robin can write in the ToDo list about who she has to write back to in email. Robin said that's something she should do. Howard said he puts everything in there about meetings. Robin said she keeps that stuff in her head. Howard said that's why she forgets everything. Howard said she has to check the calendar and prepare. Howard said that you can keep track of birthdays and things like that. Howard said you can move everything around if you don't want to do it that particular day. Howard said if you have to get Fred a gift for his birthday you can move it to the day you want to do it. Howard said this is synchronized between his phone and computers so he can change it wherever he wants.
Howard asked Robin when she got the wallet. Robin said she started last month after she lost her purse. Howard said that she has to be organized and that's the key to everything. It's the key to who you are. Howard said he used to forget meetings and he'd yell at people. Howard said he keeps a list now and it's his responsibility. Howard said if Beth tells him she's going out he writes it down in his list and he keeps track so he knows when he's got a free night.
Robin said that she used to keep her license and registration in her purse and it wasn't organized. Now that she has a wallet she's able to keep it organized. Robin said that she had that accident last week and she had no clue what to do.
Howard said Robin could have had all of her key information in her organizer. Howard said he doesn't even know his own address so he just hits ''Howard Stern'' in his phone and all of his information comes up. He doesn't keep track of his passwords in there though. Howard said he has something else that Robin and do about passwords. Howard said he'd talk to her off the air about that.
Howard said it's very liberating to have all of this information. He said she should have all of her phone numbers and important information in her contacts. He said he'll show her how to do it. He said she has to look at the ToDo list every night. Howard said she can take control of her life if she does this. Howard said if she's depressed and she starts doing this, the depression will go away. Howard said Robin walks around in a tizzy and this will make things better. Robin said she hasn't tantrumed in years. Howard said she did not too long ago. Robin said that wasn't her. Howard told her that she'll be liberated. Robin said she could do this for someone else. Howard told her to do it for herself. Robin said she gave her driver a phone and she's been making the phone work for him for a week. She said she can do it for other people but not herself. Howard said he took some courses about being organized and it's so much fun to look over his week. He said he plans out his whole week on Sundays. Howard said he has fun doing it.
Robin said that Howard's OCD might be kicking in. Howard said the OCD causes chaos and this organization helps. He said that it is empowering for him.
Robin said she has had problems with organizing things. Howard said she should check into this Franklin Covey thing and follow what they say. Howard said she can learn a lot from all of that. Howard said he keeps pictures of friends in his organizer. He said that it keeps track of important things. He said there are pictures of Fred in there. He said he has learned that you become in love with the story of your life and the book becomes the story of your life.
Robin said she had an assistant who kept track of what was going on with her and she looked at it for a year and she realized how much she got done. She said it made her proud. Howard said he keeps track of his too and he prints them out. He said that you can go through them month by month to see what you've done. He said it's great and Robin will love it.
Howard said this is a fantastic and empowering thing and Robin must do it. Howard said you can't blame other people for things you forget. Robin said she gets upset with herself. She said that she has a dinner coming up soon and she's holding on to that date for dear life because she doesn't have it written down anywhere.
Howard said Robin's birthday was coming up in August and he got a pop up 2 weeks before. Howard said he wrote down that he had to get a gift for her. He said that he put that in his To Do list and then put it in his calendar. Howard said Robin will love her life the way she loves her wallet. Howard said he even schedules time to sit down with his calendar and To Do list. Howard said he has found a good solution and this is going to be great for Robin too.
Howard said Robin has to be the one putting the information in there too. He said she can't pass it off to Captain Dennis. Howard said that he got an invite to Leon Black's house and he put all of the information right into his calendar. He said that if anyone calls up asking what he's doing on a certain day he can tell them what he's doing. Robin said she does need to do that because she has things she has to keep on her mind when she has people visiting.
Howard said he knows the chaos in Robin's life and he's trying to advise her. Howard said she has to heed his advice because he's right. Howard said it's very simple. He said that she has Lotus Notes. Robin said she does but it always crashed her computer. Howard said he uses that calendar and it integrates with others. Robin said she's afraid it will crash. Howard told her to use it and it'll be fine.
Howard said he even has things in his calendar about the show. He said that he was reminded that it was 25 years ago that he started on WYSP. He said he puts all of this information in his phone. He said Robin would be jealous of this. Robin said that she would. Howard said he's having fun doing it. He said his photography teacher schedules lessons for the whole month.
Howard said that he knows when it's someone's birthday. He knows when it's Brian Phelan's birthday. No one cares about it but it's in his calendar. Howard said this is what's important and he's been so happy ever since he started doing this. Robin said she just remembered she forgot to write to someone on their birthday. Now she has to do a belated birthday note. Howard said Robin is going to love this organization.
Howard said he even writes notes into his ToDo list for his photography teacher. He said he'll have a while list of things for him by the time the lesson comes around.
Robin said that she and Dennis never plan to do anything to discuss things that they need to discuss. She said she wishes she knew when they were going to plan to do that. Howard said she'll figure all of that out if she has these lists. Howard said he has this guy Matt who does his computers and he has like 75 things that he has to ask him about. He said he forwards him the list and he checks it off when he's done. Robin said she still needs something to keep the cats from crawling under her bed. She said Captain Dennis hasn't done that yet. Robin said she has to keep opening and closing doors. Howard said Robin should be angry at herself for not having it on a list. Robin said it's Dennis who is supposed to do it though. Howard said she'd stay on him about it if she had it on her To Do list.
Howard said Robin isn't scheduling the story of her life and she's got to do it. Howard said this is not directed just at Robin. He said that everyone could use this information. Howard said that he works at being together like this. Howard said Robin is staring at ''together'' right now. He said he just did her the biggest favor of her life.
Robin wanted to take baby steps with all of this. Howard said that Robin has to start with the calendar. Robin said she has a hard calendar for her work days. Howard told her to put it all in an electronic calendar. He said he has a few apps that she can use to help. Howard said that the syncing on the ToDo app is terrible but he thinks they're coming out with a new one in September. Robin said she thinks the Droid gives you a full 30 day calendar. Howard said that's good.
Howard told Robin she has to have access everywhere. He said she needs a big place to input stuff. He said that you put it on the big computer and it should replicate everywhere. Howard said Captain what's his name can help her out with that.
Howard said he'd be fine with Robin doing it all in a book. Robin said she had a book and she never used it. She said she needs it all on her phone. Howard said he wants Robin to sit down and figure it out tonight. He said she has to spend an hour with it and get busy.
Robin said she was with Dr. Kaufman yesterday. She had a filling drop out so she called him and he did an amazing job. Howard said that she should go to him all the time. Robin said she has to have a root canal and she's going in today for that. Howard said the guy is great and he loves him. He said he saved his teeth. Robin said he did a thing in her mouth and he was so good she didn't even know he had been in there.
Howard said he just did everyone a big favor if they're not organized. Howard said that all of the stuff he told Robin can work for anyone.
Howard told Robin that he keeps track of everything with his calendar. He said it's fantastic to be in charge of your life. Howard said he could have been a motivational speaker and made a fortune doing that. Howard said there's a place in his religion for everyone.
Benjy asked Howard about the To Do list and the questions he keeps track of. He asked if they break down into separate lists. Howard said they all go on one list. He said he sits down at night and throws things into separate lists himself. He said they're all filed at night. During the day he keeps the notes on one list and then organizes it at night. Howard said it's like you're throwing it all into one bucket and then sort through it at night.
Howard said this is the kind of stuff they should teach in school. Howard said people don't know how to teach it. Robin said she took a course once. Howard said he could teach this in a week... or in an hour. Robin said she has tried the To Do list and it didn't work. Howard said Robin is going to figure it out and she's going to love it. Howard said Robin could have had the story of her life in her book if she had been doing this the past 20 years.
Fred said he uses iCal religiously. Robin said that she needs to get a word processor in all of her computers. Howard said he uses Lotus Notes for everything. Robin said she writes blogs and articles. Howard said she could do it in Lotus Notes. Robin didn't know that. Howard said she's got chaos in her life. Robin said she has to have a word processor. Howard said she has to keep notes about the articles she wants to write. He said she can put it in her To Do list. Howard said she can schedule a time to do it too. Robin said maybe people in her life are in chaos because she's in such chaos. Howard said that's what it is. He said life is simple but people complicate it.
Howard said Robin should be doing this stuff. He said that she has to put on her calendar that she's going to show him her wallet in 2 months. Robin said she'll do that.
Howard said that Gary uses post-it notes and it's the worst system ever. Howard said that Robin has to stick to it once she starts. He said it's very easy and it will work for her. He said that he lived in that chaos and he knows what Robin is going through. Robin said she has a lot to do today and she isn't planned out. Howard said she has to get this going and she'll be much happier.
Robin said she's not even sure when her cat is supposed to get things done to her. Howard said she could have it all in her calendar. He said everything goes in there and you spend 30 minutes a night working on it. He said she's wasting time and that's no good. He said he's trying to help Robin liberate herself.
Howard said he understands robin's chaos. He said she seems to be excited about it. Robin said she thinks it's going to be tedious. Howard said routine is everything. He said it's good and it releases chaos.
Howard said he was watching TV last night and Piers Morgan was doing a great job with Christine O'Donnell. He said she's one of those Tea Party assholes. Howard said the woman is insane. Howard said Piers started asking her about her book and she walked off the show. Howard said the woman is nuts. He said it was unbelievable. Howard said she's a flaming asshole. Howard said Piers was trying to ask her about the book and she didn't want to talk about it. She wanted to talk about what she wanted to talk about. Howard said this woman was elected to office and she's an idiot. Howard said he's not sure what's going on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Christine O'Donnell was never in office. Gary said she won a primary. Howard asked if she's ever been in office. Gary said he doesn't think so. Howard said she's kind of chubby. Howard said Gary told him this morning that she was in office. Howard said this woman is a loon.
The caller said that he knows Andy Dick isn't Anti-Semitic. Howard said he is an anti-Semite and he's a piece of shit. Howard said he's another guy who walks around blaming the world for his problems and they don't know how to get off their ass and do things for themselves. He said he can fuck off. Howard said the guy did himself in and he's a raging alcoholic. Howard said he's nothing and no one even cares about him. Howard said that it's become acceptable for people to walk around being bigots. The caller, Tommy, said that even when you say Retard you get in trouble these days. He let Tommy go after that.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked Robin how she conducts her financial life. Howard said you can get through life being disorganized but it's not fun and it's not funny. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and said that was the great Jimi Hendrix. He said he wanted to name his cat Hendrix but his wife put a stop to that. Howard said she just wasn't digging it. Robin thought it would have been a good name. Howard said it's a nice, dignified name.
Howard had Jack Osbourne on the phone. Howard asked when he last spoke to him. Jack said it had been a long time. Howard said he keeps himself in shape but he's starting to pack on the pounds. Howard said Jack used to be out of shape but he's gotten into shape lately. Jack said he's not that into shape. He said he started rock climbing and went around the world a bunch of times doing that. Howard asked how much time he devotes to that. Jack said it's just an hour. Howard said he thought he was an exercise freak. Jack said he's into this thing that's kind of like P90X but it's a bit different.
Howard said he read that Jack's mom, Sharon, is leaving The Talk. Robin said she's signed for the next season. Howard said it's amazing how famous his mom has gotten. Howard said he thinks he was the first one to put her on radio. Jack said it all comes down to Howard. Howard said he thinks that's true. Howard said he always thought Sharon was a star and he was right. Howard asked if she was difficult as a mother. Jack said she's actually overly nurturing. He said he never buys anything for himself. He said his mother will get him new stuff herself. He said he has to ask her to stop buying him stuff.
Howard asked Jack about getting off drugs. He said he knows he was a heavy addict. Jack said the last time he was on the show he was 16 and wasted. He said he was up all night drinking. Howard said some people can't get a handle on it but it seems like Jack has. Jack said he's been sober for 8 years now. He doesn't miss getting high either.
Robin said that the people on Celebrity Rehab are all talking about how afraid they are of going out and not being able to drink. Robin said Jack seems to be able to do it. Jack said he was thinking the same way about going out and having fun.
Jack said he figured that it was a hereditary thing and he drank like his father. Howard asked if it was an acceptable thing in the house. Robin asked when he started drinking. Jack said it was around 13 or 14. Robin said she never could have done that at that age. Howard said they were in a very wealthy household and they grow up much faster than other kids. Howard said he got pussy when he was like 14. Jack said that is true.
Howard asked Jack what his secret was back then. Jack said he doesn't know. He said he thinks that he was raised by his mom and sisters and a nanny. He never felt awkward talking to girls because of that. Howard said back in his day he had to get a nudist magazine to see naked women. Howard said porn kind of desensitizes you toward that stuff. Howard said that he used to have to jerk off to bra ads and stuff like that.
Howard said he wanted to go over Jack's sexual resume. He read that he was with Paris Hilton. Jack said that's not true. He said they were just friends. He said they would hang out but he never banged her. Jack said he's kind of glad he didn't. He said they're still friendly when they see each other. Howard read that he banged Kimberly Stewart. Jack said no to that one too. He said they were also just friends. Howard asked if he can be friends with a woman and not bang her. Jack said he can. He asked if Howard has ever banged Robin. Howard said they're not friends.
Howard read that Jack was with Taylor Momson. Jack said that was not true either. Howard read he dated the half sister of Kurt Cobain. Howard said he has no idea who she is though. Jack said that was true. Howard said he read that when jack was 20 years old he banged Kate Moss. Howard asked how he met her. Jack said he met her in London at an event. Howard asked if drugs brought them together. Jack said he was sober then. He said he never had sex with her either.
Howard asked if Jack has a girlfriend now. Jack said he does. He said her name is Lisa. Howard asked to speak to her. Jack said she's 24 and very hot. Howard asked how he met. He said they met through friends. Howard asked if he has his own place. Jack said he does. He said he's had his place for a long time.
Jack wanted to put Lisa on the phone but she said she was sleeping. Jack said that she was wearing t-shirt and underwear. Howard asked what the parents think of her. Jack said they like her a lot. Howard said that they never reject them though. He said Ozzy and Sharon won't tell it to their face even if they hate her.
Howard asked to talk to Lisa again. Jack put her on but she didn't want to talk. She eventually said hi. Howard asked how long she had been with him. She said it was a few months. Howard asked how it's going. She said that she's been cuddling with the bulldog. Howard asked if she's an actress. She said she is and she's been in a few Green Day videos and in a pilot she shot a few weeks ago. Howard said she must be super hot. Howard asked what she weighs. She said she's like 122 pounds and 5'7'' or 8. Howard asked if Jack gives it to her good. She said she had to go. Howard asked if Jack knows what he's doing. She said he does. Howard said a lot of young guys don't know what they're doing. She said he does. She said he's able to last a long time with her. She said that Jack can hold out as long as he wants with her. Howard asked if she's sober. She said she drinks. Howard wondered how that works.
Howard said this is little Jack. He said they saw him growing up. Howard asked if they're going to get married. Lisa said that it's too early to figure that out. Howard asked if she likes Sharon and Ozzy. She said she loves Sharon but doesn't see Ozzy that much. Howard told her to stay with Jack and she'll inherit the mother load. Lisa laughed. Howard said she should get herself knocked up and she'll have it made. She gave the phone back to Jack.
Howard asked Jack if he's using a rubber. Jack said he does. He said there are other methods too. He said sometimes he'll go in bareback. Howard asked if he's afraid he's going to get her pregnant. Howard said that his parents must have had this conversation with him. Jack said they have. Howard said this girl won't have an abortion so he had better be careful.
Howard said Jack has made a movie about his family. Jack said that he wanted to show what the family is like after The Osbourne. He said that his father got sober and he's become a different person. He said they followed him on the road for 2 years and it shows what happened then. He said they go aback to when his father was a kid in the movie too. Howard asked why he left the fights out between his father and his sister Kelly. Howard said he read that it was really dark stuff. Jack said they actually left it in. He said that there is some stuff of his older sister Jessica. Howard asked if he hates the other kids. Jack said that the other kids are great. He said Jessica has 3 kids. He has another sister by the name of Amy. Jack said she's very shy and likes her privacy. He said she's not upset she didn't do the TV show.
Howard said Kelly turned into some piece of ass too. He said that she slimmed down and looks really good. Howard asked what her beef is with Christina Aguilera. Jack said he's not sure what's going on with that. He said he thought it would tone down over the past 10 years but it hasn't.
Gary said that he thinks they found pictures of Jack's girlfriend. Her last name starts with an S and they found shots of her. Gary said she looks like a young Gina Gershon. Howard checked them out and Robin said she's beautiful. Robin said she may have seen her somewhere before. Howard said it sounds like Jack is doing well. Jack said that he started his own production company and they're making reality shows and scripted stuff too. Howard said it sounds like he's doing well. Howard gave Jack some plugs for his documentary ''God Bless Ozzy Osbourne.'' He said you can get tickets at FathomEvents.com. Howard asked if he had to put his own money into this. Jack said he did. They spent a minute on that. They talked about how proud Jack is of his father.
Howard asked Jack what he does with the girlfriend and if he's with her 24/7. Jack said she's chained to the bed. Howard asked if he's afraid that she's going to get hit on when she goes out. Jack said she wasn't interested in any guys when he met her. He said he was persistent with her and it took him about a month to get into her pants. Howard said he can see why. Howard said he can't imagine why he doesn't cum faster with her. He said she's so hot. Howard said he'd last maybe a minute. Howard said he sometimes doesn't last more than a single stroke. Jack said that he should go 15 seconds and pause for a minute. Howard said the girl won't get off then. Howard said that can frustrate a woman.
Howard asked how many times a day he's doing this girl. Jack said he's very busy so it's like once a day. Howard said he'd be banging her multiple times a day. Howard said that's good for Jack. He asked what she's doing for work. She had no plans. Howard asked if she's just going to hang out at his place. Jack said she will probably hang. He said she's pretty much moved in there. Jack said he's selling his house and his mom will be coming over to put some stuff in the house even though he's trying to move out.
Howard asked if Jack gives her cash. Jack said she works. He said she has her own money. Howard said that the acting must not pay that much. Jack said she does a lot of commercials and things like that. Jack said she is a working girl. Howard said she's got some body. Gary said they have pictures of her as a blonde. Howard said she's even cuter like that. Howard said she's really a doll. Howard asked if Jack has met her parents. Jack said he hasn't yet. Howard said he's playing it smart. He said it's a good move to pretend you don't really care. He said that's what he'd do too.
Howard asked if Lisa has ever dated any famous guys. Jack asked her and she said she hadn't. Howard said that's bullshit. He read that she went out with Joe Jonas. She said she was in a video of theirs but she didn't date him. Howard read that she dated this rock star Matt Goode. She said she did but he wasn't famous. Howard said that she's a firecracker. Howard said Jack is doing well. Jack thanked him and said he thinks so too. Howard wrapped up and told Jack to say hi to his parents. He told him to tell Lisa he likes her too. Jack did that while he was on the line.
Howard said that kid is having some life. Howard said that you should Google her. Benjy said that her name is Lisa Stelly. Howard said that kid has had major action since he was 14. Howard said he had more stuff to get to later. He had to take a break first.
Howard came back and said this was the greatest call. He and Robin laughed as they were listening to Sal and Richard dicking the guys around.
Howard said Tim sent him an article about their old Philly station WYSP. He said it's the 25th anniversary of when they started there on WYSP. Howard said Andy Bloom was interviewed and he made it seem like it was his idea to syndicate them. Howard said that he's rewriting history. Howard said he had been trying to syndicate the show all the way back to when he was at WNBC. Howard said that Andy is actually still there at WYSP. Howard said that he's in for a shock because they're going to be changing formats today. Howard said he's so connected in the business he knows everything. Howard said he's not sure who is staying and going. He said he actually does know but he won't say it on the air. Howard said at 8:30 this morning they're going to find out. Gary said he thinks that they're actually all out of work. They're going to simulcast the AM station's stuff. Gary said they're not even changing formats. He said they're just simulcasting. Howard said that they're done with rock. He said that's what he's saying.
Gary said there is no job for anyone if they do this. Howard said he's not saying that everyone is going but he knows what's going on. Howard said he knows everything. He told Gary to ask him anything. Gary asked what date they started on WYSP. Howard said he doesn't know trivia.
Howard said that at KFI in Los Angeles he knows they're getting a new computer this morning. That's the kind of stuff he knows. Howard said he knows that Andy works for the AM station too so he may not be out of work.
Howard said that's going down at 8:30 this morning. Gary said he knew about the change too. He said that Gange emailed him about it. Howard said none of the stations they were on were able to survive. Howard said this is the greatest testament to the show. Howard said that all of these companies acted like they were geniuses. He said that they put their show on in the morning and thought that they were the geniuses. Howard said they are the geniuses, not the station owners.
Howard said he was approached to return to terrestrial radio. He said that they don't want to pay him what he's worth though. Howard said that he's learned his lesson. He said that even when he got there he learned that the business still sucks. He said that from now on he's got to get his money in escrow. He said that his new name is going to be Howard Escrow Stern. He said he's the pied piper and he's not going to get screwed again. Howard said at Sirius XM they say that they have 20 million subscribers but when he wants to get paid they say they don't have 20 million because XM is a separate company. Howard said he didn't want to get into it. He cut himself off. He said it doesn't matter anymore.
Howard told Gary that they were speculating in the paper that the format change at WYSP was coming. Howard said that he knows for sure that it's coming. Howard said Gange doesn't know everything. Gary just told Howard he's right.
Howard said he also wants to tell Adam Carolla that he was number one in Philly for years just in case he doesn't believe it. Howard said he was number one and not in just one demo. Howard said he was on the number one station. He said he was number one, that's it. Howard said that's his legacy and he's going in the history books. Howard doesn't know where those books are but he's going in them.
Howard said John Stamos told him he was jealous of him because he'd be in the history books. Howard asked where those books are. Robin said he will be in the history books. Robin sad that Arthur Godfrey is in history books. Howard said he doesn't think he'll be in any book.
Jon said that Keegan Bradley won the PGA championship and he's a big fan of the Stern Show. He was quoted taking about Howard and how he listens to calm down.
Jon said they have a story about Ronnie Mund and how he's using the unpaid services of one of his Twitter followers to help vet out some of his Hot Chick of the Week girls. Jon said Ronnie said he asked JD to help but JD didn't want to do it so he found this woman ZenaBuddysGirl to help.
Jon said they'll be following this WYSP format change story too. He said they knew about the story like Howard did.
Jon ran down a couple of other stories they have today. He said that Keith Fenimore has a book he's written and he's having a book signing in Greenwich Village. Howard thanked Jon for that and said he was shot out of a cannon.
Howard said he heard that Jon got upset when Benjy went up to him and said he thinks that he looks like him. Benjy said that Jon asked him if he thought he was a model or something and he said they look alike. that's what upset him. Robin said they had a guy on this show ''Millionaire Matchmaker'' and she thought he was good looking but then she thought that he looked like Benjy. Howard said he thinks that Benjy looks odd but Beth has said that she thinks he's good looking. Howard said he doesn't think he is that good looking. Benjy said he's not incredible but he thinks he's okay. Howard said Benjy has dated some hot chicks. He said they're not all hot but there were a few.
Fred said he doesn't think that Benjy is that good looking in his current state. Benjy asked Robin what she thought. Robin said around his eyes he's okay. Howard asked Robin if she would fuck a guy who looks like that. Howard said Benjy has big, red zits around his eyes. Benjy said it's just his left eye. Robin said that Benjy is okay if you take him in different parts.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Benjy is a fucking troll. Howard asked Robin if she's falling for him. Robin said it's his personality that keeps people away. Benjy said he actually has a great personality. Robin said he'd have to tell her that because she wouldn't know. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about how angry Eminem sounds. He said the guy doesn't chill. Howard said he's seen him on some award shows and it looks like the veins in his head are popping out when he performs. Howard laughed as he listened to the song playing. Fred threw in some Ronnie the Limo Driver ''Yo'' clips while it played.
Howard said the boys put together a new phony phone call. Howard said Richard does his Ethel voice and no one ever believes he's a woman. Howard said they called a Dollar Store this time. In the call Richard spoke to a woman at a Dollar Store and asked for prices on some stuff in their ad. Richard asked for prices on a bunch of things and the woman said that everything is a dollar. She had to tell him over and over that it was all one dollar. Richard kept asking. Howard said he's so annoying. Richard kept saying it was a good deal and the woman told him everything was a dollar. She eventually hangs up on Richard. He calls back and she immediately hangs up on him. Howard said she stayed on a long time.
Howard said he was watching TV while he was shaving last night and he saw Piers Morgan doing this interview with Christine O'Donnell. He said the woman is a moron. He said she wrote a book and Piers wanted to talk to her about some stuff she wrote. She didn't want to talk about it so she asked Piers not to go there. She eventually walks off the show.
Howard said Christine was on this weird thing where she was telling people not to masturbate. Piers wanted to talk to her about that campaign she was on and she didn't want to talk about it. Howard said Piers started asking her about it and she freaked out. Howard played some of the audio of her talking about that stuff with Piers. Then Christine said she didn't want to go there. (The Christine O'Donnell video on YouTube)
Howard said Piers was just asking her if she still believes this view she had on sex. Christine said that doesn't matter if she's in politics. Piers said that it is. Howard said she did write about it in her book but she won't talk about it with Piers. Piers said that he was asking relevant questions. He asked her what she thinks of gay marriage. Christine said that was in the book. She said she was there to talk about the book. Piers asked her to talk about what's in the book but she won't do it. Piers said that he was just asking her about her views. Christine said he was being borderline rude.
Howard asked how he was being rude. He didn't understand that. In the clip Christine said she wanted to talk about what was in the book but not the stuff he was asking her about. Piers wanted to know if she wrote about gay marriage in the book. She asked why it matters. Piers said that he's wondering why she won't talk about it. Christine said she's been there and done that and she didn't want to go down that road.
Piers and O'Donnell went back and forth with that but then Christine's people pulled her away. She said she was supposed to be speaking at an event and she turned that down to talk to him. Her people pulled her out of the interview. She said that she wanted to talk about the issues in her book. Piers said that's what he was doing. These things were in her book.
Howard said she's a real dummy this Christine O'Donnell. Howard wondered what her problem is. He said she could have just answered the questions. He said she was on an interview show. Howard said she could just say what her position is and move on. He said the world is nuts. He said she's a nut for sure.
Howard let the clip play and Rush explained the cookie like he was explaining it to idiots. Robin freaked out and said it's not that complicated. Rush then makes the joke about the ''Orbameo'' thing. Howard let it play some more and Rush is joking about the Oreo and Obama and Howard said the guy is fucking insane. Howard said he has race on the brain every second. Howard said he's not sure how you make that leap. He said he's kind of like Andy Dick and his ''Jew'' comments. Howard said that people are nuts.
Howard said Mark Harris is on some kind of mission. He played his voice mail and Mark says that Bachman's husband is a flaming gay. Howard paused it and said that he has no proof that it's true. He said no one has said the guy is gay. Mark is just saying this on his own. Howard said Mark wanted to do a radio show there and Tim put it in his box. Howard said that the proposal was preposterous. Howard said he did read it and it was two pages long. Howard said Mark wants to marry people on the show because he's become a reverend. Howard said he has to come up with something that people would be interested in. He said he doesn't care about the reverend part of the whole thing. He said he'd rather have him do a variety show or something like that.
Howard played more of Mark's voice mail and he starts singing this song about Marcus Bachman and how he thinks he's gay. He sang it to the tune of ''Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.'' Howard said his musical talents have changed. He doesn't have a hit song in there. Howard said even his Gay Papa song was better than that. He played some of that song.
Howard said Mark wants an hour so he's going to let him do it. Howard said the worst that could happen is that no one listens. Howard played a prank call Sal and Richard had Evil Dave make to Mark Harris. They had Dave asking Mark to be on his show. He asks him to do some gay stuff and Mark eventually hangs up when Dave asks him if he'd let him fuck him in the ass.
Howard said that he was reading about David Letterman being targeted by Al Queda. Howard read the article and they say that they are after Dave because he had joked about the deaths of Osama bin Laden and his successor. Howard said he thinks that it's not all that serious because it was just some blogger. Robin said that some people might take it seriously though and go after him. Howard said that this guy said Dave was Jewish but he's not. He's Presbyterian. Howard said this guy called Letterman ''one of the scum of the Jews.'' Howard said that they have Dave's big joke. He read the joke and Dave talked about the terrorist who was killed and made a joke about how he had screwed up the history of Paul Revere. That's what this nut got upset about.
Howard said he has more Sal and Richard stuff to play. He said he had some of their calls that he's played recently so he could honor them by playing another one. Robin picked one out and it's one where they call a Trading Post show about a vase they wanted to sell. Richard's character Ethel drops the vase and Sal flips out on ''her'' yelling about how she had just broken it. The host had to hang up on them. Richard called back as Ethel and apologized for the gentleman who was yelling. Then Sal starts to beat her again so they hang up on them. The host didn't know what to say after that.
Howard said some people wrote in about Ronnie calling a pizza shop too. He played that call where Sal and Richard used clips of Ronnie to place an order. Sal and Richard cut up the clips of Ronnie's audition for a TV show and used that in the call. Howard wondered what happened to that TV show deal. He figured it was gone.
Howard had another Sal and Richard call where they called Swap and Shop and tried selling a $25 gift certificate for Tim Horton's and asked $50 for it. Richard called in with 4 quarters and asked $57 for them. Richard said he was going to ask for 90 but he was feeling friendly. The host knew it was Sal and Richard. He told them to do an accent from where they're calling from. The host said they do give him a laugh and they do get through very fast.
Howard said they had a whole personal message from the Tradio guys in that one. Robin said there was some minister who used Howard's name in a sermon he gave. Howard said he thought it was kind of long and boring so he didn't play it. Howard said the guy thinks that he has an anger and Jesus would help. Howard said the guy brought him up in his religious ceremony and all of his anger would leave if he had Jesus in his life. Howard said he's actually very happy. He said this guy is trying to make money selling Jesus to people.
Howard read some email from some fans who were upset with Andy Dick. He read through a bunch of those. Howard said a lot of people wrote in about Eric the Midget and asked why he continues to give him things. Howard said he's not even sure why.
Howard said that someone wrote in about Jon Hein being missing from Geektime last week and how he's the key to the show.
Howard read some email about Lisa G's appearance on that Showbiz Tonight show. Another person asked about the Beatles song that Fred played on Tuesday. Howard said it was Adam Levine from Maroon 5 who did that one. Howard said he didn't know Fred had played that. He had him play it again. He threw in some Little Lupe clips too. Howard said she works her way into just about every song.
Howard said that he had some comments about Pauly Shore. one guy said he didn't care about Pauly at all and he should get back to Jason and Ross' fight.
Jeff told Howard that Bachelor Pad really rocks. Howard said he's going to catch up on that this weekend. Howard said the studios have stopped sending him movies thanks to the scumbag who bootlegged the movie with his name on it. Howard said that had nothing to do with him. He said someone stole it from a plant somewhere. Howard said his whole source has dried up. Now he has to go to the movies to see a movie. He said it drives him crazy.
Howard said that Bon Jovi and Matt Lauer get movies. Gary said that Bon Jovi gets them on film. That's what the movie studios tell him. Howard said he knows that other guys get DVD copies too.
Howard said he can't stand going to movie theaters. He said everyone stinks and the theaters have bed bugs. He said he can't take it. Howard asked if anyone has died from an amoeba in a theater. Robin said a third person did die but not in a theater.
Howard said he has to get out of the city. He said they should do the show from somewhere else. Howard said he can move anywhere now that his third daughter is in college. Jeff said ''Lets go to Vegas!'' Howard said he could never live there. He said it's too dry there. Howard said they should go to Florida for the winter. Robin said she would do it. Howard said Fred can't go, he has a kid. Fred said that's where the kid died from the amoeba.
Howard said all of his kids are grown up and he's going to have empty nest syndrome. He said he does still have Fred though. Jeff asked if he has any games to play. Howard said he has a great one but no prize. He said he has been waiting to play it but they don't have a prize. Gary said they call it ''What Would Wendy The Retard Do For Money.'' Howard said he had to give a tiny sample of the game. He said it's a hit. Howard said he has copyrighted it so Telepictures can't steal it.
Howard played the clip of Sal calling Wendy and asking her what she would do for money from the show. Sal asked her if she would give up eating pizza for the rest of her life for $5,000. Robin guessed no. Wendy said yes. Howard said Wendy has no concept of forever. Gary said she has no concept of money either. Gary said that he went through the whole game and the money values change and she's got no concept.
Howard played another one where Sal asked if she would give up bowling forever for $50,000. Robin guessed no. She was right. Wendy won't give up bowling.
Howard played a third one where Sal asked Wendy if she would kick her pet cat in the ass as hard as she can for $5,000. Robin said no. Wendy said she would. She said she does it all the time. Howard said that's how they play the Wendy the Retard game. He said that was the abbreviated version of the game. They went to break after that.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon came in and went over the subjects for today's show. He talked about the organizing skills Howard was trying to help Robin with. Jon said he thinks that Gary's Post-It note thing works for him. Howard said it can't possibly work. He said his wife once washed the notes in his pants. Howard said he loves Gary but he looks like he's confused. Jon said he has himself organized like Howard does. Jon ran down some more subjects for the show and wrapped up.
Howard had Mutt on the phone to promote tonight's Superfan Roundtable. Mutt ran down a few of the subjects they'd be covering tonight. They talked about Howard mentioning he'd like to do the show in Florida. Howard said that won't happen but he does love Florida. He said they wouldn't get any guests down there. He can't move to Los Angeles because they have earthquakes. He said it would be nice out there though. Superfan Roundtable is on Howard 101 tonight at 7.
Robin said she saw that Jenny McCarthy walked away from an Oprah deal. Howard said Oprah locks these people into development deals. He said Jenny got some heat for a while there. Howard said they're saying that Oprah wanted her to do a late night show but Jenny didn't want to do it. Howard said that he could have banged Jenny but he missed his opportunity. Howard said Jenny turned to him and said that she would fuck him. He said it was in private and on the air. Howard said she said she would have sex with him and it was a slam dunk. Howard said he was married at the time though. He said then she was married when he got divorced. He said he was already with Beth when she got together with Jim Carrey.
Robin said that Jeff Probst is looking for a talk show. Howard said he's a bright guy and he'd be good. Howard said he's good with those morons on Survivor. He said he makes them sort of interesting during those finale shows he does. Howard said you have to have talent to be able to do that.
Robin said Katie Couric is looking for something and so is Rikki Lake. Howard asked if she retired or did her show not get ratings. Robin said he had a show for a long time and she retired. Now she's seeing she shouldn't have quit. Howard said she's an idiot. He wondered what's wrong with people. He said you have plenty of time to retire when people get sick of you. Howard said you have to admire Oprah retiring when she was on top. Howard said Rosie retired but she had over a hundred million.
Robin read that Sarah Silverman is in a bidding war for her TV show pilot. Robin said that ABC, CBS and NBC are all interested in the show. Howard said that's good for her. Robin said that Ron Howard is involved in the deal too. Howard said that girl has come a long way from sniffing Richard's balls. He said he loves her so he wishes her luck with that.
Robin read about Simon Cowell being in talks with Mariah Carrey to be a mentor on X Factor. Howard said he's looking forward to that show. He said he's been watching America's Got Talent and he loves Howie Mandel but he has to say that he really champions people who have no talent. Howard said this show isn't bullshit. He said they give the winner a million bucks and a show in Vegas. Howard said you have to look at these acts like they're something people will go and see. Howard said no one is going to go see three little kids rapping. He said Howie is doing this to annoy Piers Morgan and it's not fair.
Robin read that the X Factor show is looking for more stars to be on the show so they have star power. Howard said you have to take the show seriously and not just have judges that are amusing themselves. Robin said she saw a preview of the show and they have a black guy judge. Robin said it's Simon, Paula and a black guy. Howard said he likes a fat black guy. Robin said this guy is younger and thinner than Randy Jackson.
Robin read about the husband of the housewives of Beverly Hills dying. Robin said they've shot the next season already and he's in the season. Robin said that they're wondering if Bravo will air the show. Howard said they have to air it. He said that it will be in horrible taste but just air it. Robin said that the rumor is that he may have been close to being outed for being gay and that might be why he killed himself. Howard said that's why he's all for gay rights. He said that if gays were accepted then they wouldn't end up doing things like that. Robin had some audio of this guy talking about the dark side of reality shows. Howard said when you get on a reality show you have to realize that you're wanted because you're dumb. He said that they're not looking for smart people. He said you're a moron. He said you're desperate and needy and a black, empty hole wanting your needs filled. Howard said you're pathetic and you should just accept it.
Robin read some news about President Obama and how he was saying that the country won't see a double dip recession. Robin had some audio of him talking about that and the unemployment crisis. Obama said that we can fix our problems. Robin said that we can fix our problems easier than a country like Greece can.
Robin had some audio of a woman screaming about how Obama didn't go to any black areas on his tour of the mid west.
Robin said that Donald Trump was upset that President Obama was on vacation during this tough time in the country. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about that. Howard said he has to agree with trump about that. Howard said Obama needs a 5 point plan. He needs an antenna, sales and programming and the other two things that he can't remember.
Robin said that the TSA has been using body scanners and people are really against going through them. Howard said when a guy has to show his cock it goes bad. He said that he'd freak out if he had to go through that thing. He said he doesn't want anyone seeing his cock. If he had a big one he wouldn't be so worried. Robin said that the TSA has changed the scanner just enough to show a generic body shape. Howard said this is all about the penis. He said if it was women's breasts no one would be worried. Howard said if dudes had to have babies then abortion would be legal. He said it's just about the man's penis. He said men rule the world. Howard said he has a nubbin down there and he doesn't want anyone photographing that.
Robin read about how stolen dog reports are on the rise these days. Robin said that dogs are being stolen even while they're on walks with their owners. Robin said they're being stolen from shelters and homes. Some of them are returned safely when they scan the implanted microchips. Robin said that the AKC has some advice on how to avoid having your dog stolen.
Robin said there's a dog that can do math. Robin said that the dog gives the answers in the correct number of woofs. Howard and Fred created that with dog barking clips. Robin said that the guy claims he taught the dog how to count using dog biscuits. Howard said he doesn't think Ralph can even do that.
Robin read about how the Social Security Administration marks thousands of people as dead every year and it causes all kinds of problems.
Ralph called in and said that they have a new Geektime this week. He said DC is re launching their titles this year and they'll have some people on to talk about that and a bunch of other things. Ralph also said that he invented an app and it might be approved by tomorrow. Howard said he's proud of Ralph for what he did. Ralph also said that Jon Hein will be there for the show tomorrow.
Robin read about how Standard and Poor is being investigated by the government. They're looking into some things. Robin said that people are taking a stand against Standard and Poor and they should make sure their ratings actually stand for something.
Robin read about a teacher who was accused of rape but acquitted is returning to teaching. Some parents aren't so sure about that. Howard said even if you're innocent then you're screwed when you are accused.
Robin brought up fast food franchises and how some of them get screwed up. Howard said that he mentioned Whetsons on the show and they fucked it up. He said McDonald's came in and wiped them out. Robin said that there's a place in Baltimore called Gino's Burgers. Robin said that they've been gone for 30 years but they reopened recently. Robin had some audio of the customers talking about how good their burgers are.
Robin had some audio of one of the former cast members of Jersey Shore talking about how they were made to put on the personalities that they have on the show. Howard said ''Sure, sure...''
Robin had some audio of Anne Hathaway rapping on Conan O'Brien's show the other night. Howard said a lot of actresses want to be funny and come up with routines that really aren't that funny. Robin said you have to give her credit for trying to do something. Howard said when you act like that it's not hot and it kind of turns guys off. Howard said he didn't think this was hot. He said she's annoying. Howard said if she became ugly and does that she'll get thrown right off the show. Howard said he does like her movies though. He said she must be good looking but he has a hard time figuring that out.
Robin said that Maroon 5 and Train are going to be doing a show together out in the same venue where the stage was blown over. She had some Maroon 5 clips and some Sugarland clips since they were the band that had to cancel when the stage collapsed. Howard said a Sugarland show has to be the most embarrassing show to die at.
Robin read about another brain eating amoeba death. Robin said that this third one was in Louisiana. Robin said it attacks the body through the nose and attacks the brain. Robin said that the amoeba is in stagnant, warm water.
Robin said that Shaquille O'Neil is taking a film course. Howard said he thought he wanted to be a police officer. Robin said he must have given that up when he moved out of Florida. Howard said the guy has a monotone like you've never heard. He said he can't imagine him being an actor. Robin said he might want to be a director. Howard did his impression of Shaq talking in that monotone.
Robin said that Lady Gaga and Cher are teaming up to do a song together. They should be releasing it later this year. Robin said that Lady Gaga will be on the MTV Video Music Awards this year.
Robin read about how they're talking about doing a sequel to Sex and the City for TV. Robin said it would be the girls as teens.
Robin had some Katy Perry clips to play. Howard said they have a niece who is like 7 years old and she went to see Katy and got her picture taken with her. He said he had to call in that favor.
Robin said that Kelly Preston is crediting Scientology for helping her get over the death of her son. Howard said he'll give her a pass on that one since she lost her son.
Robin had some audio of Steve Martin and his banjo playing. Robin said he's a nominee in the Bluegrass Music Awards. Howard said that he has to stop with that Banjo stuff. He said he can imagine going to a Steve Martin Concert and having the stage fall on him. They ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Robin talking about Benjy's looks and how she can only take him in parts and not as a whole. Benjy said he didn't start that whole thing. He said Jon Leiberman asked him about something and he said he thought that they were similar in look. Benjy said Jon thinks that he's a 9. Gary said Jon is not a 9.
Jon asked Benjy who he thinks is better looking than he is. Benjy said he's not including his weight. Jon said he has to include his whole package. Benjy said he's not going to do that. Gary said you have to take into account what he looks like today. Gary asked who someone would pick, him or Teddy. Benjy said he thinks they're about even. He said Teddy doesn't have a very good chin though. Teddy asked if he could borrow one of his 15 chins.
Jon asked Benjy who he thinks is good looking. He said that Jared might be. He said he thinks that Will isn't that much better looking but women do tend to think he is. Jon asked how he thinks is better looking. Benjy would only say Jared was. Gary said Benjy does not jump out as one of the better looking guys to him.
Jason said that Benjy is saying that girls don't find the same things attractive that guys do. Benjy said he didn't think Tom Chiusano was that good looking but girls went crazy for him. Benjy said he was once voted the best looking when they brought in photos.
Jon said that everyone has an inflated view of how good looking they are. Benjy's is just higher than most.
Jon Leiberman came in and said that Benjy was untagging himself from photos that he didn't think looked good. Benjy asked if he's ever untagged a photo. Jon L said he has not. Gary said he's never untagged a photo of himself either. Gary said there are pictures of him as a monkey that he wouldn't untag. Benjy said when people tag you and they don't look good you untag them. He said that he thinks Gary and Jon L are lying. Gary said he's not. Benjy said wanting to put his best photos up is not crazy.
Gary said that he doesn't seem to care on Facebook when it comes to pictures. Benjy said Gary isn't trying to get laid on Facebook. Gary said Benjy isn't either, he's on Craigslist. Gary asked Jon Hein if he's ever untagged himself. Jon said he has not. Jon L said that Benjy has launched a campaign to control his image. That's what he said in his news report.
Benjy was getting all worked up about the whole thing and was yelling at the guys about the whole thing. Jason said he's kind of on Benjy's side in this Facebook thing. He said people can tag you and sometimes it's not a good shot. Gary said that he has many people who tagged him and he has no problem with it.
Jon cut everyone off and said that they've made their point. Jon said that Benjy's mentality is different than Gary's is. Jon said that Benjy does things like tilt his head for an acceptable picture. He said that's just odd. Benjy asked Jon why he wears button down shirts. Jon said that it was for a change and maybe so it looks better. Benjy said that he's trying to control his image then. Jon said Benjy cares more about it.
Jon said that Benjy is getting too defensive about this whole thing. He said it's okay to care about this stuff but he's too defensive. Jon had to cut everyone off again so he could go to break.
Gary said that people have systems that work well for them and that's not good enough. Howard's system is the one. Gary said that Robin has none. Gary said that if Robin was a nurse who lived by herself she might figure it out herself or get fired.
Jon asked Gary about his Post-It system. Gary said he has a calendar and he puts notes in his pocket sometimes. He said he is pretty well organized.
Jason said that Robin isn't functioning very well and if she leaves her bag at work every other day then she's not functioning. Gary said that she's not losing friends or anything when she does that. Jason said she has lost credit cards and cash though.
Jason said that Robin was bragging about having a wallet this morning. He said he's had one since he was 8 years old. Ronnie came in and asked how long it'll be before she loses that wallet. Jason said they have some dates on the calendar that they'll be watching.
Ronnie talked about how organized Howard is these days. Gary said Howard's desk used to be a mess but now he goes through everything first thing in the morning. He said he keeps his console pretty clean now.
Jon said that once you're organized it frees you up to do a lot of stuff and that's what his message was to Robin. He said Howard may have been insulted by Robin forgetting his gift and that might have been his motivation.
Gary said there are people who are unorganized and they just don't care. He said he knows people like that. He said Benjy is one of them. Benjy said that he hates being unorganized. He said he's trying to get better. Gary said this has been going on for years. Gary asked if he thinks he's borderline hoarder. Benjy said he doesn't have a lot of space so that's why that happens. He said he's not as bad as a hoarder but he has those tendencies.
Jason said he has been to Benjy's apartment but it was years ago. He said he keeps a lot of stuff but it's organized. He said that the jokes he writes are all in boxes and he keeps them in printer paper boxes.
Gary said Jackie used to keep track of all of his jokes and he could go back and find out when a guest was on based on his jokes. Gary said Benjy doesn't keep track of when the jokes were written.
Jason said that Stuttering John used to printed out his jokes and shove them in a desk drawer and take them out once a year and show them to Tom to get a raise by showing how many jokes he wrote. They were all crumpled up paper though.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Robin's disorganization and how she's trying to be Howard. Gary doesn't think that's the case. She's just seeing how it worked for Howard and she's going to try it herself.
Another caller said that he thinks it's ironic that Howard admits that he doesn't do a whole lot is bragging about how organized he is. Gary said he disagrees. He said Howard has so much to do that he has meetings and dinners he goes to all the time. He's never said he does nothing. The caller said he doesn't see evidence of his meetings. He said when someone preaches about organization he thinks they don't have enough to do. He said that's the way he feels about the whole thing. They had to go to another break after that.
Jon moved on to talk about Jack Osbourne. He asked Gary if he knew that Jack was messed up the last time he was on the show. Gary said that he didn't know at the time. He said that he's turned around and cleaned up. Jon said he's done a 180. He wondered how hard it is to turn yourself around like that. Gary said he's not sure since he's never been there himself.
Benjy wondered if they ever thought about how the kids got so fucked up and if they blame the parents. Jon said that no parent thinks that their kid is going to be a drug addict at 14. The guys talked about how some people just don't have good parents and they end up getting exposed to all of that.
Jon said that Howard was reading the notes about Jack and the women he had allegedly banged. Gary said that they're going by what Jack was saying and it could be true and he was just denying it because he had that Lisa S sitting next to him in bed.
Jon asked how JD was able to find the pictures of that girl as quickly as he did. Jason said JD found out that she was following Jack on Facebook and he found her Twitter and some posts she made while her boyfriend Jack was doing something else and he figured it out that way. Benjy said you can also Google Jack Osbourne and Lisa and find her.
Will came in so Jon asked if he believed that Jack denied all of the people he had on the list of girls. Will said that's what you get when you do research on the web.
Gary said that he has never lied about banging a chick. He said he hasn't lied saying that he banged a chick when he hasn't. He said he may have denied banging someone to protect them though.
Jon brought up what Benjy was saying about Will earlier and how Benjy didn't think he was that good looking. Will said that Benjy thinks that he's a good looking guy so that's fine. Gary told Benjy to give himself a number on a scale of 10. Benjy said he's a 9. Then he said he's teasing and he's like a 7.5 out of everyone in the world. Benjy said that his name Benjamin Bronk is an attractive name too. Gary said Benjy can't bring guests into the show anymore. Jon said that Benjy brought in 4 guests and he's shot out of a cannon and he's acting really odd. He said they love him but he doesn't have to do this. Benjy said that his name is great. Jon said that Owen Murray is great too. That's Will's son's name.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they always get sucked into the Benjy vortex. Gary said they let it go there at times. The caller said that this whole thing is ridiculous. Benjy said that women think his voice is great on the air too. The caller said that's just not true. Benjy asked what his name is. His name is Craig Blackburn. Gary thought that was a cool name. Benjy didn't.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she thinks that Benjy's blue eyes are great and she would fall for them. Gary wanted her to give her weight and the first digit of her weight. She told Gary that she's decent looking. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:20am.