|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard and the guys were back from their 2 week vacation today. Howard started the show talking about some issues Fred was having getting the show started. Howard said people are out of shape. Fred said he had no idea what was going on and he had to get Scott to hit a button. Scott didn't say what the problem was.
Howard said the fans have been giving them hell for their vacation. He said most of the TV shows are off the whole summer. He said they're coming in for an occasional show. Howard said he had a nice vacation too. He said he didn't want to come back. Robin said she likes to forget when she's on vacation.
Howard said Lady Gaga is supposed to be stopping by today at 8. Robin asked if she's really going to show up. Howard said Gary has him convinced that she will. He said that she's canceled out before and he has a bet with Gary about it so he could lose $500.
Howard said he has a lot to talk to Lady Gaga about. He said most of the interviews are very superficial. He said he has found out that her real name is Stephanie so he may go with that or just ''Gaga.'' He said that she's going to play a tune when she comes in. He said she can really sing which is rare these days. Robin said she claims to sing in every show and doesn't lip sync. Howard said Katy Perry sang in the studio and she has a good voice. He's not sure if she sings in concert every time. Howard said in the 60s and 70s no one was lip syncing.
Howard said Jon is directing a movie and thinking about what he should give him from the movie. He said he likes that. He told Jon to send him some stuff from his movies and now that's what he's doing. Howard said he has some Iron Man stuff that Jon sent to him. Howard said he wished that hat had made an appearance in Iron Man.
Robin said she was listening to the show before the show started and Howard never made a video for the Backside Boys. Howard said it was just an idea that was funny and he never got to it. He said the idea of it was funnier than if they had done it. Howard said he says he's going to do something all the time and he never does.
Howard asked Robin how her vacation was. He said He shouldn't even ask her that. He said he should do it this way and then played a clip of ''Guess What Shithole Country Robin Quivers Went To On Vacation'' clip. Howard said the guys went to the trouble of making that so he figured he should play it.
Howard thought she stayed home on vacation. Robin said she wasn't home the whole vacation. She went to London and saw a bunch of shows and had a wonderful time.
Howard said he didn't do a thing on vacation. He stayed home. Robin said she got a ticket in the car Howard bought for her. Howard said that's not his fault. Robin said she got a speeding ticket and it's probably because she was black and driving that car. Robin said the guy was walking around inspecting the car. She said he walked around the whole thing. Robin said the guy was so mean. She said she didn't say anything to him and she didn't have any cards to give him. Robin said it seems like such a hassle.
Howard said that you give the card to the guy and say your brother is on the job. It's very easy. Howard said Robin speeds a lot. Robin said the traffic was so slow that she had to make up some time. Robin said she wasn't able to go that fast most of the time so she just opened it up.
Robin said her vacation ended in a weird way. She said the guy asked her how long it took her to see him behind her. Robin said she wasn't paying attention. She said she wasn't looking for a cop. Howard said he checks all the time. He said he's constantly looking behind him. Robin said she doesn't do that. She said she saw the blinking lights eventually so she looked.
Howard said Robin should have told the guy where she was from. Robin said she never does that. She only did it once on 9/12/2001 when she had to get into the city.
Howard said the family he shot the birthday for loved what he did. He said that sometimes he's good and sometimes he's bad. He's not consistent. Howard said he's only been at it for 4 months though. He's not a pro. Howard said people think he's a pro but he's not. Howard said the Hamptons Magazine people cropped one of his shots so that bummed him out. He said He didn't like that. Howard said it was one with Beth in a purple top and they cropped out the bikini bottom and that was the sexy part of the picture.
Howard said he hates editing the pictures and trying to keep track of everything. He said he needs a secretary to keep track of it all. He said he might need a whole organization just for his pictures. He said that he'll take like 1000 of them and he's run out of room on his Dropbox account so he can't even access that. Howard said He has to get some big storage thing to keep them all. Howard said that the pros keep all of their pictures and that's how they find the good ones.
Howard said he had a big dinner party and Jimmy Kimmel and his girlfriend came. He said Dax Sheppard and his girl Kristen Bell came over too. He said he decided to take some love shots of the couples. He said he wanted to do that with Jimmy and his girl and Dax and Kristen. He said He went out in the back yard with Jimmy and Molly and set them up in various locations and had them doing love poses. Robin laughed. Howard said the pictures came out beautiful. He said Jimmy took it seriously. He said he told him to do it seriously or not do it at all. He said Jimmy was doing an impression of him like he sounds like his father.
Howard said he took all of these shots and wanted Beth to help him pick out the good ones. He said she's always too busy to help. Howard said Kristen was easy to shoot. He said Molly was too. Howard said Jimmy was pretty easy to work with too. He said he does something called Flow Posing. He said that's what his teacher taught him. He said he only knows about 10 poses but he gets them loose and works with them.
Howard said he took some nude pictures of Beth. He said she was getting changed and he started snapping. He said he did ask her permission. Howard said she would have thrown him out if she didn't want him to do it. Howard said he got some titty shots and he'd show them to Robin. He said Beth actually likes them. He said Beth let him show them to a few guys. Howard said they're just pretty. He said he's making some headway with the nude shots. He said that's cool.
Howard said they had a dinner party one night and that was in Jimmy's honor. Howard said Jimmy does that for him so he did it for Jimmy. Howard said he doesn't have the same kind of friends that Jimmy does. He had a few famous people over but they were mostly just his friends. Howard said they had dinner and that was about it. He said it was also Beth's birthday so he mixed the two. Fred came over. Howard said he did a love portrait of Fred and his wife and that came out the best. Fred said that maybe you have to be in love for it to work. He said he was just joking about that. He said he took some shots of Fred in his car. Fred said that's actually his wife's car. Howard said they love that car. He said he'd like to do more because he has a whole new idea. He said the shots he took were good but he has more ideas.
Howard said Fred is his muse. He said he took some shots and he gave him some darker hair with Photoshop. Fred said that sounds awesome. Howard said he's going to look like Roy Orbison or Moe Howard. Howard said that he wanted it to pop a little bit so he darkened the hair. He said that he made it a little darker and sharper. He said He does it with the girls too.
Robin said that Gary is incredibly grey. Howard said Gary stayed with him at his house and he was commenting on Fred's grey hair. Howard said Gary is really grey too and he was thinking about how he's as bad as Fred. Gary said there's a huge difference. Fred said it's a very close race. Robin said she noticed Gary's grey. Gary said he's overdue for a hair cut and it's not as grey when he gets it cut.
Howard said he could tell that Gary's wife wanted to leave the house but Gary wanted to stay. He said that Gary did this weird move where he wouldn't get out of the pool and his wife was circling it like she wanted him to leave. He said Gary stayed in the pool and wouldn't get out. Howard said Gary didn't want to leave. He said he went to his wife and told her that they were more than welcome to stay. She wanted to get home. Howard said this was bullshit so he went to Gary and told him he could stay. Gary was all for it. Then Mary said she had to get back.
Gary said that they left Jackson home alone on Thursday and Friday night. Gary said that they thought it might be a little too long. Howard said Jackson was fine. Gary said that he was and he joked about getting rid of the beer cans and heroin when they got home.
Gary said it wasn't a big thing with them. He said it worked out fine. Gary said he didn't want to leave when Howard wasn't there. He said Howard had gone up to meditate so he wanted to wait for him to come back to say goodbye. Howard said it's not like they ever see each other.
Howard said they talked a lot about Benjy out there. Gary said jimmy has a friend who goes on Craigslist to find sex. The guy went to one of these places and a bunch of guys were watching TV and they told him to go into another room to see where the sex was happening. There was a line of guys and a guy collecting money for the sex. That's the kind of stuff they talked about and they threw Benjy into the discussion.
Howard asked Benjy if he still does that stuff. Benjy said he's not doing it. Robin said he's just not talking about it on the air now. Benjy said he dates more now and he's still having sex. Howard said he's still doing the weird stuff but not talking about it. Gary said he thinks so but the girls he dates don't like to hear it. Gary said Benjy's mom listens to the show too so that's another reason He won't talk.
Howard asked Benjy what he did on vacation. Benjy said he was trying to clean up and organize.
Howard said Artie and Nick are trying to get a radio show going and he'd like to listen. He said he'll support Artie in any way he can. He said it sounds like he's doing well but he's fooled him so many times he's not sure. Howard said he thought he was doing fine days before he tried to kill himself. Artie can fool him anytime. He's not very good at seeing what's going on with him.
Howard said Artie was on the Dan Patrick show and he sounded good. He played some clips from the show where Artie talked about what he's missing now that he's not on the Stern Show. Artie was talking about how fun it was hanging out with those guys. He said they'd be laughing hard and almost crying from it. Artie said that he did it for 9 years and he blew it. Artie said he wished that he had gotten help long before he actually did.
Howard noticed some crashing sounds during the clip and wondered what it was. JD came in and said that they're like little stingers that they do during the show.
Howard played more of the clip and Artie was telling Dan that he'd do anything to get back on the show. He said He knows he put them in a crazy position and he gets that. He said he thinks Howard is a smart guy and maybe he'll let him on when he feels the time is right. He said he understands their position completely.
Howard said maybe Artie was having so much fun on the show because he was on heroin. Robin said while he was there he was always talking about how he had to go but now that he's gone he wants to come back. Howard wondered if Artie would come back to vacuum. He said the place is filthy. He said that maybe he could get one that he could ride around on.
Howard said he's glad that Artie is doing better and he's out there talking on radio. He said he hopes he does okay. He said he's pulling for him.
Howard said that he can swim but he's not very good. He said that the people who taught him didn't care. Robin could hire someone really good to teach her. Howard said that it would take her a few months to master. Robin said she doesn't have time to practice. Howard said she has fears so they get in the way. Robin said she doesn't have fears. She wouldn't be out Kayaking if she did. Robin said she has trouble floating. Howard said you'd think those things on her chest would help her float.
Robin said a boat went by and a wake knocked her over in the kayak. Robin said that the wave tipped her over and it was upside down. She was in the water and she went under. She said that she was lucky that this person Chris had told her to put the life jacket on. Her nephew had to turn his kayak around and come and get her. He rowed her over to a ladder and she had trouble getting up on the ladder. Her leg got scratched from barnacles. Howard said He would never do any of this. Fred said he kayaks and he never has any incidents.
Howard said Beth has been Kayaking too. He said she goes to this guy Mr. Adventure and this is the kind of stuff he has her doing. Howard said this guy is like the world's best looking black man. He may have to set Robin up with him. Howard said that when she gets home she's so worn out that she doesn't have the energy to bang. Howard said it pisses him off. Howard said Beth comes home crabby and she doesn't want to make love. Howard said it's not doing him any good. Howard said that he wants to fuck, he's on vacation. Howard said that it becomes her life.
Howard said he asked her what she does with the guy. He said she told him that she had to kayak to class. He carries a bag with him and it's full of shovels and crap like that. Howard said Beth kayaks for like 55 minutes. Then she gets into a parachute and she has to do lunges on the beach with the parachute attached to her. He said he doesn't get what that's about. He said that she complains the whole time but she really loves it. Then the guy tells her to dig a hole with a shovel he has in his bag. He said that she's in the middle of nowhere digging a hole. Howard said he'll tell her to do 50 push-ups in the middle of that. He said it's fuckin nuts. Then she has to kayak back to the car. He said she told her to just get a landscaping job instead of doing all of this. Howard said they have plenty of work to do around his house. He said the guys doing that work are all fat though.
Robin said she was trying to get back into the kayak and some people came by asking if they needed some help. Robin said the people helped and got her on the boat for a little while. She said they asked if they could take her back to her house on the boat. Robin said she was enjoying herself in the kayak so she got back in and went off with her nephew. Howard said she needs Mr. Adventure to work with. Robin said he has her own adventures.
Howard said Jimmy's girlfriend went out with Mr. Adventure but she wasn't able to wake up after the first session. Howard said that there was no love making after that Mr. Adventure. He said he might put his foot down and put an end to that. He said he was going to try it himself but he figured he'd have a heart attack or something. He said you don't need to work out that hard. Howard said he doesn't need to look that good.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who asked if he's going to ask Lady Gaga to get on the Sybian. Howard said he'll put it out there for her. He said he's not sure if she'd be into that. Howard said she's into some guy that treats her like shit from what he's heard. Robin said that she was out with that guy one day and she looked miserable. Robin said they don't seem like a match made in heaven.
Howard said that he wanted to set Robin up with a guy but she's too busy. Howard said he met him at a dinner party. Howard said that he might set up Lady Gaga with Mr. Adventure.
Howard said this guy he wants to set Robin up with is supposedly the catch of the century. He's a guy who is supposedly a billionaire and he got a divorce like a year ago. He said that he'll let him fuck his friend and then he'll set him up with Robin.
Robin said she was fascinated with the Rupert Murdoch melt down over vacation. Howard said he hasn't been able to figure all of that out. He said he understands that over in England he owns a bunch of newspapers. Robin said he does own that and some broadcasting stuff. Howard said the guy owns The News of The World and they had to shut it down. They were so anxious to get a story that they tapped into a missing kid's phone to listen to her voice mails. The parents thought that the kid was still alive when they saw that her voice mails were disappearing. It turns out it was the reporters from this newspaper deleting the messages. Robin said they were hacking a lot of phones and they were doing it to random people. Robin said they may have tried to get into the families of 9/11 victims too.
Howard said he asked Gary about it over vacation and he had no idea what was going on. Gary said he read up about it and read about how Hugh Grant was involved. He got a reporter to admit it and that broke the story. Robin said it was the hacking of this missing girl's phone that really caused problems.
Robin said they have reported that they were paying off people in Scotland Yard and they were reporting about stuff that no one should have known about. Robin said that Rupert Murdoch was trying to buy Sky 1 over there and he had to shut down the paper to try and save that deal.
Robin said that they're calling for investigations here about that whole thing. Robin said Murdoch is trying to pin it on other people. Robin said the guy who ran The News of the World was fired from a job he got with the Prime Minister of England. Robin said that Murdoch didn't want to fire the current editor but he was forced to walk away from the whole thing because it got so huge.
Howard said he likes the papers that find out those kind of stories. He said he might have to stick by Rupert Murdoch. He said he wants to tell him he's all for it as long as he doesn't tap into his phones. Robin said they were following Rupert all over the place after this story broke. Howard said he used to get pissed at Murdoch when his FOX guys were following him around. He said they were targeting him and it pissed him off. Howard said he was going to have a guy follow Murdoch around and photograph him to see how he liked it. Robin said that's what's going on now. Howard said he would just scream old age. He said that Murdoch is like 80 now. He said he'd blame the kids for the issues they're having.
Howard said he asked Gary about it over vacation and he didn't know a thing. Gary told Howard he was watching more about it after that and he saw some interesting stuff. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Lady Gaga will be coming to visit today. He said that her sound guy was there checking the equipment. Howard said he may owe Gary $500 today.
Howard said Lady Gaga's fans are attacking him on Twitter. He said they're afraid that he's going to attack her. He said he likes Gaga so he's not going to attack her. He might attack someone who doesn't come on the show.
Howard read some of the Tweets that her ''little monsters'' were leaving for him. He said that there are people leaving death threats. He read some of their comments and they were saying how ugly he is and things like that. Howard read some about how he has no idea who he's messing with. Robin said that Gaga is all about not bullying but now her fans are bullying Howard. Howard said he may have to explain that to Lady Gaga. He said that they're out of control. He said that the little monsters are turning into bullies themselves. He said anyone with power turns into a bully.
Howard read some more of their comments and someone said he would kill him. They were threatening to unleash hell on him if he messes with Lady Gaga. Howard told the guy to come down there and he'll face him face to face. Howard said he'll beat him and give him an ass beating. Howard said this person is probably like 11 years old.
Howard read more comments and the fans were warning him to watch what he says. Howard said that the monsters are threatening to come after him if he does anything to wrong her.
Howard read a few more and said he's not sure why they think he's wronging her. He said he's looking forward to interviewing her. Howard said that he's never said anything bad about her.
Robin said that the governor of Oklahoma had tried to have a day of prayer to get rain for the state. She said that's insane.
Howard played a clip of Michelle Bachman trying to say the word ''Chutzpah'' and she didn't say it right. Howard said he'd like to know why she'd try to say it if she doesn't know how to say the word. Robin said that someone must be putting words in her mouth.
Howard said that Sal and Richard called a
Tradio Trading Post. station and made a new prank call. He said He doesn't know where they get these hosts but they all have the big radio voice. Howard said it's kind of odd that they play Jimi Hendrix on the show too. He played the call and the Tradio host is talking about how he's on the original Trading Post show. Howard said that he's hearing a lot of false teeth in there. Howard let it play and Sal calls in and tells the host he's going to have to part with an antique Japanese vase. He says it has an inscription on it. He asks his wife to get it off the shelf. Richard plays the wife of course. She drops the vase and Sal flips out on her. The host had to hang up on them for saying ''God damnit!'' Howard said he's never heard an announcer so befuddled before. He said it gets worse though.
Richard calls back in and tells the host he wanted to apologize for the guy who was cursing. Richard said they had that vase in the family since World War II. He said that he was hoping they had some vase glue because her husband beats her. Then Sal attacks her and the host hangs up again. The guy got all confused again and rambled on for a couple of minutes before going to commercial. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that he has a couple of things going on. He said he has Lisa G there so maybe she should come in. Lisa came in and said that it was nice to see Howard. She said he looked good at the magazine cover party. Howard said Lisa was there covering the story. Lisa said her favorite shot of Beth was the one inside the magazine.
Howard said that he took a shot of Beth laying down and he took one shot and she didn't like laying there. He said that he had 3 seconds to take the cover photo. He said Beth was the one who gave it to the magazine. Howard said he would have put some effort into it if he knew it was going to be the cover. Howard said the shot of her laying down was one he just shot real quick. He would have taken a bunch more if he knew that it would be in the magazine. He said he'd like to be able to set up and get really good shots. Howard said he took one of Beth coming out of the water and he Tweeted it out. He said he thinks that's his best work ever. Lisa hadn't seen it.
Lisa asked Howard if he would take one of Lady Gaga. Howard said he's doing a radio show. Lisa said he could do it after. Howard said he would need like 2 hours of her time. He said he can't do it. He said he'd like to take shots of her at home to capture her essence. Howard said he'd even do some nudes with her but he's been banned from doing them by his wife.
Howard said that High Pitch Mike is waiting in the hall with his Lady Gaga t-shirt on. He said he's one of her little monsters. He said the shirt is too tight too. Howard had Mike come in. Mike came in with dark glasses and the Lady Gaga shirt on. Howard said the shirt was too busy and too tight. Howard said he hopes he's not one of the creeps who threatened him. Mike said this is the biggest musical guest he's ever had on the show. Howard said he had Billy Joel and Paul McCartney on. Mike said that this is bigger. Gaga is a solo artist.
Howard said he's never been mean to Lady Gaga. Mike agreed. He said he had a bunch of her fans there but he's not going to let them come in. Gary told Howard that they have another fan there. Howard said he's keeping them all out of the studio. Mike wanted to come in and just talk to her for 20 seconds. Howard said he will see how it's going. Mike said he just wants to thank her. He said that no one has done what she's done for gay youth in music. Howard said he'll tell her that. He said Mike doesn't need to come in.
Howard asked mike if he could cry when he comes in. Mike said that he might be able to cry. He said that this is like Michael Jackson to him. He said that it's a really big deal to him. Howard said maybe he should wet his pants. Mike said that could possibly happen too. Howard said he'll see how it goes.
Howard had Gary send in the guy who wanted to meet Lady Gaga. This guy Chris came in and said that he'd rather meet Howard than Lady Gaga. Howard said Gary needs to get back into his work and get the real story out of the guy. Gary said the guy changed his story. Chris said he does want to see Gaga and thinks that she's amazing. Chris said he did come in to meet her. Howard asked Gary if there were any other gay guys who wanted to come in and meet her. Gary said that's what Chris told him. Howard said Gary should have interviewed him before letting him come on the show.
Howard said Gary is marching in every gay person to meet Lady Gaga. He said he can't believe he's fighting with Gary an hour into the show after vacation.
Lisa G got to her news preview and ran down some of the stuff that they're covering. She had a story about Richard Christy's wedding. She said that Ronnie is going out to read for his part in the show ''Wheelz.'' They have some other people auditioning. Howard said it sounds like they're using Ronnie. He said he shouldn't even bother going. He said it sounds like horse shit to him.
Ronnie came in and said that they are going to give him a regular part. He said there are other people reading parts for the show. Ronnie said he's been told he has the part but they want him to read. Howard said if he really sucks they're going to give him the boot.
Ronnie said that his followers told him that they want Beth to be the Hottest Chick of the Week. He said the last two girls he had up there didn't get topless.
Lisa G said that they have a story about Carol Leifer getting a TV show. She also has a story about Lisa Lampanelli getting a show and opening up a Broadway show in 2013.
Howard said that show ''The Real L Word'' is so good. He said that the girls go down on each other and they show it all. He said he will watch anything with Lesbians. That led to him playing a clip of a woman screaming during an orgasm. He had some other orgasm clips to play after that too. He had one dude grunting like an animal. Howard said that's ridiculous. He played another one of a guy moaning and grunting. Howard asked Robin if she would kick him out of bed. Robin laughed and said she would. Howard played another one of a woman who sounded like an animal to him. That woman was grunting and saying ''oh my god'' over and over.
Howard asked Robin if she makes sounds. Robin said she may have been louder years ago. He asked Lisa if she makes any noise. Lisa said it's not like that. She said she has neighbors. Howard figured she's like a mouse. He said he imagines her just going ''oh.'' Howard let Lisa go a short time later.
Howard said there are scientists who say that you'll eventually be able to have a camera on you all the time and you'll have your whole life documented. He said that when you kill someone they'll have it on tape. He said that's what jurors need these days.
Robin said that they say the kid died accidentally and the mother used bad judgment in the way she handled it. Howard said the only reason people care is because this woman is so hot. He said if she was ugly no one would have cared. Howard said they did say she wanted to come on this show. He said that wasn't going to happen with her lawyers though. Howard said she's supposed to be in line to make millions from a book and things like that. Howard said that the lawyers are going to make the money. He said he heard that the state she lives in will be suing her over the false statements she made. Howard said hopefully she won't get any money.
Howard said he had so many things to play today. He said he might have to take a break first. He said Lady Gaga should be coming in soon. He was hoping she wouldn't show up so he could collect the $500 from Gary. Gary said that her manager is there so he's pretty sure she's coming. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Lady Gaga in the studio. Howard said that he was happy to see her. Howard said they had tried to get her in there. Gaga said that she was glad to be there too. She said Howard was pretty sexy after he said she was sexy. Howard said that she was exited she was coming in.
Howard said he was reading about how she made 90 million dollars and was the number one earning artist. He said that if it was the old days in the record business she would have done even better. Howard said that it must freak her out that her songs are given away. Gaga said that she loves it. She doesn't care about money. Gaga said that her apartment there is smaller than Howard's studio. She said she bought her dad a Rolls Royce and paid for his heart surgery. That's about all she's done with her money. Gaga said that her father was so sweet about her shows when she was starting out. She said that she told him that she was doing performance art.
Gaga told Howard that her dad may have seen himself in her and got scared. He used to do some wild stuff when he was growing up. Gaga said that her father would play classic rock for her before and after dinner. She said she started playing piano at 4. She said she didn't take lessons in the beginning. Howard asked if it just came naturally. Gaga said she would just bang on the keys. Howard asked if she played video games as a kid. She said she did but it was Atari at the time.
Howard asked if she begged for lessons. Gaga said she didn't but her mom got them for her. Her first teacher was a stripper. Gaga said she can write music and she learned all of that. Gaga said she has kind of a knack for it. She said she learned it by ear in the beginning but she took lessons from the stripper. Howard said her father must be proud that he got her into music.
Howard asked Gaga what she does with her money if she's not spending it. Gaga said she held that monster ball and it was very expensive. She said the next show will be big too and she'll be paying for that. Howard said that Joe Cocker went bankrupt from touring live. Gaga said she did too. She said she went out and did a theater tour and she wanted to go to Australia and she was $3 million in debt from that. Gaga said that her manger told her that she would have no money. She said that she'll just keep touring and the money will be there.
Howard asked if anyone calls her by her real name of Stephanie. She said that everyone calls her Gaga. Howard said it's going to be very hard for her to find a boyfriend. Howard said that it has to be tough to figure out who is real and not. Gaga said she doesn't need much. She said that her first love is music. Howard asked if she's gotten laid lately. She said she got laid last night. Howard said she should be getting laid. Howard asked if she has a boyfriend because she seems to be uptight about it. Gaga said she's not uptight about it. She told him to look at her and asked if she really looks uptight. Howard laughed.
Gaga told Howard that she wrote a song called ''Money'' trying to be like Pink Floyd. She said she really didn't understand why a rock band would put the sound of a cash register in their song.
Howard asked Gaga about the music she writes now and if she was influenced by the bands her father played for her. She said she was but she wanted to do her own thing and she got into pop music.
Howard asked Gaga about getting signed to Def Jam and if she was suicidal when her first album didn't hit. She said that she doesn't have any hard feelings over that. She said that she had to be on a label that understands who she is and what she does. She said she was going to keep going anyway. She said that she had to make her daddy proud and that's what she was concerned with. Gaga said that her parents didn't come from money and they were really hard working people. She said they were the first ones to go to college.
Howard asked Gaga if her parents were worried about what she was getting into. He said if she hadn't made it she would have felt so much pressure from her parents. Gaga said she had felt like she had made it already. She said that she was paying her rent and doing her own shows. Gaga said she just wanted to do her music and do it her own way. Robin asked when she started wearing the wild outfits. She said that was all complete psychological damage from high school. She said there were kids who were poor and really rich kids in the same school. She said she was bullied and didn't know who she was. She said she was very confused. She said it terrifies her thinking about the whole thing.
Howard said that she talks about getting high and she must still get high. She said she doesn't but then Howard asked about weed. She said that she doesn't do it all that often. She said she's honest about it and she doesn't like artists who lie about it. She said that she likes to be honest for the fans. Howard asked when she last did coke. She said she didn't remember. She said her father kicked her ass, not really, but he called her out on it. Howard asked if that's why she spoils her father now. Gaga said the reason she gave her dad the car is because she is who she is because of the way they raised her. She said she didn't do drugs because of them. She said it was a rebellious kind of thing.
Howard said he was lost and unhappy as a kid. Gaga said she was too. She said she was very lonely and she felt she had a friend when she was doing the drug. Howard said he felt the same thing. She said that coke is the devil and told her fans not to touch the stuff.
Howard asked Gaga if she was upset that Britney Spears turned down some of her songs. She said she was thrilled that she sang on her album so she's not upset at all. Howard said he wouldn't want Britney doing her song. He would have wanted the glory and fame from it all himself. Gaga said that she doesn't care about the money so that doesn't matter to her.
Howard asked Gaga if she knew that her song was going to be a hit. Gaga said that they thought that Britney might use it eventually. She didn't have the power to get the song back until she had the power and fame to herself.
Howard asked Gaga if she ever feels idiotic when she's writing a song. He asked if she thinks if it's cool or not. Gaga said that not everything in her brain is cool. She said that she doesn't think about it. She said that the songs are not stupid. Howard said he wrote one called Psychadellic Bee when he was in 6th grade. Gaga wanted to hear it. Howard asked what song she wrote first. She said she wrote ''To Love Again'' at 13. She said that's kind of funny and she didn't know anything about love. She said she was kind of a prude and didn't have sex until she was 17. Howard asked if it's the same guy she's with now. Gaga said that he's talking about Luke Carl and that's just a very good friend. She said that he's her best friend. Howard asked if he took her virginity. Gaga said she knew she walked into this coming in there. She said that he did not take her virginity.
Gaga said that she has a lot of young fans and she doesn't want them hearing about her sex life or about drugs. She said that when you're 17 you don't know how to operate the equipment down there and they should wait to have sex. She said that kids these days are having sex too young. Howard said he agrees with her about that. He said that he has 3 daughters and he doesn't want them to become promiscuous. Gaga said that it's way too young to have sex when you're that age.
Howard said Gaga experimented with women. She said that was in college. She said that was very brief though. Howard asked if she dropped out after a semester. She said she wanted to say she lasted a year but she doesn't think so. Gaga said it wasn't what she wanted. She said she was kind of an asshole in school. She said that she would ask questions about why there were no African American writers and things like that in class. She said that she was trying to make the teacher look bad.
Howard said her parents must have been beside themselves when she dropped out. She said that they did ask what was wrong with her. Howard said it takes balls to do something like that. Gaga said that her father told her she had one year to make something happen. She said that happened on her 19th birthday. She said she got a production deal a year later.
Howard said it hasn't been easy for her. She took a lot of chances. Gaga said she paid for it all herself too. Howard said that there are a lot of people out there waiting for the same thing to happen. Gaga said that she had no fear of rejection. She said that's what you need to have when you're in the business. Howard said it's sad that there are people out there with no talent who are waiting for the big break and it will never come. Gaga said talent is subjective and once you harness what you're good at you can create yourself. She said that she has seen such talented singers get the biggest heads in the world. She said that they go nowhere because they think that they deserve or are entitled to a certain lifestyle because they have a record deal. Gaga said she has some bosses who say that they don't even like coming to her neighborhood.
Howard asked how Gaga learns what the fans are into. Gaga said she goes to clubs and she has some DJ friends who give her ideas. Howard asked if she gets filled with dread when she hears some of the stuff out there. Gaga said that it hurts when people rip you apart. Howard asked if it hurts more because she's just trying to make people feel happy. She said of course it does. She said it's very personal when they attack her and they claim it's not personal.
Gaga said that putting her music out is like spreading her legs and taking a picture of her vagina and putting it out there for people to discuss.
Howard asked Gaga about who she has become and how she's changing these days. Gaga said that David Bowie changed from Ziggy Stardust to David Bowie but he's always going to be that person. She said that's what she feels she's doing. She will always be Lady Gaga.
Howard asked if her parents call her Lady Gaga. She said they do. They do it mostly when they're mad at her but they call her by both of her names. Gaga said that her parents were very happy for her when she found this happy place in her life. She said that she finally became brave enough to buy the shoes she wants to wear and the clothes she wants to wear. Gaga said that she wore her father's sweater and jeans for a couple of weeks and she was in the hospital crying over her father. She said the first thing he said to her when he saw her was ''You look like fucking hell...'' and told her to go home and put on some make up. Howard said it sounds like she's describing a transgender person who becomes the person they really think they want to be. He said it must be tough to go out in public wearing her outfits. She said that's the way she wants to dress so she wants to be who she is. Gaga said that she has been photographed without make up on. She just goes out like she wants to and doesn't worry about it.
Howard said that Gaga looks good on stage shaking that ass. She thanked Howard for that. Howard said there are so many singers out there who don't look good and you do need to have a certain look. Gaga said she doesn't agree entirely. She said there have been so many women and so many men who don't fit that mould. She said that Aretha Franklin has an angel in her throat and it doesn't matter what she looks like. Gaga said she is beautiful. Howard said that people do focus on looks these days and it does help to be thin. Gaga said she had eating problems when she was growing up and she never really outgrew it.
Howard asked who the record execs were who ridiculed her. She said it was every label except the one she's at now. She said she did a showcase once and the executive came and walked right by her and didn't come in the room to say hello. She said that she just said ''fuck him'' and went somewhere else. Howard asked how she holds that faith in her and keeps going. Gaga said it all goes back to loving who she is. She said she feels pretty and beautiful and she loves wearing the latex she has on.
Howard asked how Gaga became the godmother of Elton John's kid. Gaga said she'd rather not talk about it. It's something very special to her and very real. She said she does talk to them and their baby is so beautiful. Howard asked if she goes over and hangs out with them. Gaga said she didn't want to publicize all of that.
Gaga said this business is so full of the fake mother fuckers. She said that they don't want to talk to you when you don't have a hit. She said that the people who think that Elton picked her just because she's hot are so wrong. She said that there are a lot of people who don't have integrity in this business. She said that she's catholic and she's taking this all very seriously.
Howard asked if she has met David Bowie. She said she hasn't but she has met Iman. Howard asked if she met Bowie, would that be the ultimate for her. She said that she'd probably pass out. Howard said he had him at a birthday show once and he almost came in his pants because of that.
Gaga said that she will Google every interview Bowie has done and they were really mean to him in some of the interviews. She said that she'll watch some other interviews and she's reminded that she gets the same kinds of questions. Howard said she must think if she has to stick to that kind of music. Gaga said she just goes with whatever her vagina whispers to her. Gaga said that inspiration doesn't come all the time. Howard said he can hear interviews in his head when he's in the shower. Gaga said she does the same thing in the shower. She will yell to someone to get her phone so she can get her ideas down.
Howard asked if the tune comes first. Gaga said that she gets the idea for the song in her head. She said there's a preacher that she has seen who she thinks is gay. She said that he sang this song ''Born this Way'' and she heard the song and it answered every question she didn't want answered. She said that it made her think about how she was born like this and others were born like that and it got her thinking. She said she put the song out and there was a huge shitstorm over it. She said no one was ready for her to make a statement about herself like that.
Howard asked Gaga how she came up with the song in the shower. Gaga said she will just start singing the song and it goes from there. She said she comes up with it right there and she'll sing it into her phone. Howard asked if she saves the tapes. She said she probably has some with her. She said she won't play them though. Howard said he would love to hear what she has on there. Gaga said she's not sure if there's a new one there. Howard said no one is going to steal it. Howard asked why she has a Blackberry. She said it's good for her nails.
Howard had Gaga play some of what she had on her phone. She played a song called ''Judas'' from her album. Howard asked why she has it on there. She said she recorded it on her laptop and she sent it to the producer.
Gaga played a clip of her singing into her phone and it was just her singing. Nothing else. Howard asked if that was the first time she did that. She said it was. She said the song is on the album. Gaga played some more of her singing into her phone. It was her way of writing ''Judas'' from her new album ''Born This Way.'' Howard seemed really interested in the way she was doing all of this.
Gaga played more of her singing into her phone. She cut one off saying it was something new she was working on. Howard had her playing clip after clip. Howard asked what her best song is. She said it was ''You and I.'' Gaga had a problem turning off her phone.
Howard asked what her net worth is. Gaga said she really has no idea. Gaga told Howard to call her father. Howard asked if she uses her powers for good. She said of course she does. Howard said there are people who use their fame for power. He asked if she's looking to sign anyone new. She said that she is trying to help out the band that opens for her. She said that they've been on the road with her for years. Gaga said there are some other bands too.
Howard said he can't imagine what her life must be like. Howard said that Gary told him that there are thousands of people waiting to meet her outside. Gaga said she just lives in Brooklyn and she has no problem there. She said that there's a really sweet guy out on the street who sings to her as she walks by. She said she thinks it's really cute.
Howard asked why she won't live in L.A. Gaga said it's just not fun. She said she doesn't get it. They spent a minute talking about that and then Howard asked if she thinks that she'll ever sleep with another woman. Gaga wondered where that came from. She asked Howard if he's ever going to sleep with another woman. Howard said he's not as long as he's married to his wife.
Howard asked if everyone is nice to her now. Gaga asked if he's kidding. She said that everyone is mean to her. Howard said Letterman was nice to her. She said he tried to ask questions but she ate the paper he was reading off of. Howard said he wishes that people would ask her real questions because everyone seems so fake.
Howard asked who has made her want to throw up. Gaga said people are mean to her when they can't get to her. She said they're not mean to her in person.
Howard said He would love it if she would play a song for him on the piano. Howard said he knows that she can really sing. He asked about lip syncing and if she ever thinks about doping that. She said ''no way.'' Gaga said that she's not going to cheat the 14 year olds who pay to come see her by lip syncing. Gaga said no way she's going to do that to her fans.
Gaga asked Howard what he was talking about earlier about her fans. Howard said that her fans are attacking him like bullies. Howard said he found in his life that whenever the downtrodden get power they're just as bad as the people who are in power. Gaga said that she's not going to lecture them but she thinks that they assumed that Howard was going to be hard on her. She said they're very loyal and they defend her. She said that they talk about bullying and it's not right to bully anyone. Gaga said that they get so angry when they say things about her.
Howard said one of her little monsters called him a cunt. Gaga laughed. Howard said that's not very nice. She said it comes from a nice place and they thought he was going to be mean. Howard said it was like the glee club had just attacked him all at once. Gaga said that they have a beautiful thing going on there. Howard asked if she's crazy in bed. Gaga laughed and asked where this comes from. Howard asked if she ever wears a bra. She said that she'll show him her tits if he shows her his junk. Howard said that's not happening. Howard said he's wearing boxer shorts. Gaga said she's not wearing a bra.
Howard said that he bet Gary $500 that she wouldn't show up today. She didn't understand that. Howard said that she had canceled before and she did the Gayle King show. Gaga said that she didn't sing on Gayle show so Howard is getting that.
Howard asked what she's going to sing. Gaga said that she's going to sing ''The Edge of Glory'' and explained where that song came from. She said she went to a funeral and it was the first time she had experienced death. Gaga said that her grandmother and grandfather had such a great love story. She said that her grandmother was saying goodbye and something intense happened for her and she saw that both of them had really won in life because they had each other. She said her grandmother told her grandfather to just go. She said that he wasn't able to move much but he was able to squeeze her hand and her grandmother's hands. Gaga said that he waited to die until she got back from her tour. Gaga said that she was filled with so much empathy and sadness. Gaga said that moment happened and they left and went home and got the call that they thought he was going to pass that day. Her dad was really upset about it and it was a big deal in their family because they're Italian. She said the song just came right out around that time. Howard told Gaga she has to play the song then. She told Howard that she played the song on her phone for her grandfather and she's sure he heard it before he died.
Howard said he wanted Gaga to play this song. She went over to the piano in the studio and played her song ''The Edge of Glory.''
After the song Howard said he thinks he's in love with her. He said that was really good. He asked her to sit back down so he could ask her some more questions. He said that he was moved by that story she told about how the song came about. He said that was one of the best live performances that he's ever had on his show. She said she could do another one for him if he wanted. Howard said he would love it.
Howard asked Gaga if she does any warm ups before she sings. She said she has a vocal coach who helps her out and he always tells her that she can always trust her voice if she can't trust anyone else in her life.
Gaga said she's a little bit nuts about performing. She said she called Troy yesterday to schedule another TV show. She said she will go crazy if she doesn't perform.
Howard asked what song she could do. Gaga thought about it and just started playing. She said she could play her song ''Hair.'' Howard thought it was the song from the play. She said this was her own song though. She told Howard how she wrote that song and how her mother would cut her hair when she was growing up. She said that she'd cut her hair while she slept. Gaga said that she would go in there with her scissors and cut it while she was sleeping.
Gaga told Howard that she thought about identity and how her hair identified her. She said that was the only thing she had. Howard said that's what identifies him too. Gaga said she also thought about how they're bonded by the things that challenge us and every night at the show she would do meet and greets and sign as many autographs as she could. She said that people tell her stories about their lives and she reads them all. She said ''Hair'' became not just about what she had been through but what everyone has been through. Gaga said it's about what the fans feel and how they entrusted her with their stories. She played the song a short time later.
After that performance Howard told her how beautiful it was. Robin said she wants to cry after every song. Howard said she sounds very sad to him. He said he can relate to that song. Gaga said hair is a metaphor for anything. Howard asked if she would ever do a cover of a song on an album. She said she has thought about it but she has a problem doing covers. Howard asked if she ever thinks about covering anyone. She said she did cover ''Stand By Me'' with Sting. She said that she got to meet Sting and that was great. Howard said that a lot of singers must not want to be shown up by her. Gaga said she could see Troy hiding behind a curtain in there. She said that he told her to just go out and sing the way she sang for him. She said that he's never tried to change her.
Howard asked how he knew that she was the find of all time. Troy didn't want to talk on mic but Gaga told him it was cool. Howard said he wants to thank her for coming in today. He said it was great to have her in there and it was great for Steinway to send them the piano. Howard gave her some plugs for her new album ''Born This Way'' and had High Pitch Mike come in to say hello.
Mike came in and Howard told him to cry. Mike said this is more than her music. He said that she's changed so many gay youth's lives. Mike said that she's saved lives and she's changing the world. Gaga just said ''Thanks.'' Mike said he came out because of what his mother had said to him and what some of the people there had said to him. Mike said that the fact that she's there on Howard today was changing his life. Gaga said that he's changing her life too. She thanked him again.
Howard said at least Gaga is trying. Howard said that no one around there cries. Howard said she's terrific and he hopes that she comes back and visits again. Gaga said she will and told Howard to come to her Born This Way Ball. Howard said he should. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Gaga can really sing. He said that he was tearing up hearing her sing. He said she's really a terrific singer. The guy said he didn't hear the whole interview but he can't wait to get back to it.
Captain Janks called in and said that Howard Stern is trending on Twitter. Howard didn't know what that meant or how he can benefit from that. Janks said that a lot of people are commenting on him and it's positive stuff.
Howard took another call from a guy who said it's amazing that she was able to hit the notes she did at this time of morning. Another caller said Howard is the best interviewer. He said that she moved him and it was a great interview. Howard said he does owe Gary $500 now too.
Another caller asked if Lady Gaga could front a whole band if she changed her style. Howard said he thinks she could.
Ham Hands Bill called in and said he wanted to ask Gaga a question when she was on. He wanted to ask her if she has ever tried to get anal while singing. Howard said he's sorry he didn't put him on while she was there.
Robin started off her news with the Casey Anthony case story. Howard said that a lot of people were saying they wanted to know what his thoughts were on that case. Of course he thinks that it's horrible. He said he doesn't want her out just so she can come on the show or anything. Robin said that Casey is out of jail now and people are wondering how big of a star she's going to be. She's already got a book deal. Robin said she may never go away, kind of like Amy Fisher. Howard said she'll fuck up and she'll end up in porn.
Howard said that people need to pay attention to his predictions. He said that Gary pulled a clip of him talking about where Osama bin Laden was hiding. Howard played the clip and Howard was talking about how Osama was hiding in some nice house in Pakistan. He didn't say when the clip was from though.
Robin read a story about David Beckham and Victoria having another child. Robin told Howard what the name of the child was and Howard talked about how he saw David at a hotel once and he was hanging out looking cool. Howard said that his parents knew that ''Howard'' was going to be a cool name. It couldn't have been worse.
Robin read about how Donald Trump is a grandfather to another child. Ivanca just had a little girl recently. Robin said that they have a version of The Apprentice over in the UK and they're very serious about it. She said this guy is very demanding compared to Trump.
Robin read about a guy who made a YouTube video to ask a celebrity to a Marine Corps Ball and everyone is making videos now. Howard said he loves the guys who serve in the military but this guy doesn't want to go to a dance with Mile Kunis. Howard said that she won't give him head or anything. He said she should but it won't happen. He said this guy just needs to go with a normal girl. Robin had the audio of the guy asking her to the dance. Howard said this guy, Scott, is better than that. He said he needs to find a regular chick to go to that dance. Robin said there's a woman who put out a video asking Justin Timberlake to the same ball. Robin had another clip of a guy asking Betty White to the ball. Howard went to break after that.
After the break Robin got back to her news and read a story about this guy DSK who allegedly raped a housekeeper. Robin said that the case is falling apart.
Robin read about how Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver went to a dinner party together. Howard jokingly said that he wishes he had been there. He said that must have been amazing. Howard goofed around with that for a minute.
Robin read about how everyone seems to be going after Obama in this presidential race. Robin had some audio of Herman Cain talking about why he should be nominated. Howard said he agrees and he'd like to have someone like that in office. Howard said that we never do elect someone like that though. Robin had some audio of some others like Rudy Giuliani talking about getting the nomination. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about some troops that marched in a gay pride parade in San Francisco. Robin said it's the first time that's happened.
Robin read about a congressman who was the victim of a home invasion. Robin read about what had gone on and how the guy had a shotgun that he pulled out when his home was invaded.
Robin read about how Dick Durbin is asking for Rupert Murdoch to be investigated here in this country to find out if his company was breaking the law here like they were doing in England. Robin said that they think that FOX news may have hacked into some phones of families of 9/11 victims. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about auto makers blasting the demands for higher fuel standards that Obama came out with. Robin said the automobile manufacturers are upset about that and they think that it's going to hurt their recovery.
Robin had some audio of some people talking about other things that Obama has done that they're not to happy about.
Robin read about a Washington State woman who tried to sell her 3 day old baby at a Taco Bell. Robin said that she offered him up to a female customer for $500. Robin said the woman was arrested.
Robin read a story about a boy who was abducted and killed there in Brooklyn. Robin said they say the guy who abducted the boy may have done it out of a fondness for little children. Robin said they think the guy panicked and smothered him and then dismembered him. Robin said the guy might be a little simple minded and panicked when he found out how big of a deal this was.
Robin read about Nelson Mandella turning 93 years old today. Robin said that Donald Trump had some comments about him so Robin had the audio of that. She had audio of Charlize Theron and Morgan Freeman talking about Mandella as well.
Robin had some audio of the Dalai Lama talking about how he wanted to meet with President Obama so that's what they did over the weekend. Robin had some details about that.
Robin read about the box office and how Harry Potter made $168.6 million this weekend. Howard said he didn't see the last one. Robin said it broke records. She said that the Dark Knight had a $154 million take. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:20am.
After the break, around 10:30am, Jon and Gary got back to the Lady Gaga discussions and talked about how talented she was musically. Gary said that was one of the best sounding performances on their show. Gary said the whole thing blew him away. Jon said they had to give some kudos to Scott for getting it all right today.
Gary said that they had talked to her people about how to get her in and out of there but that never turned into a big deal. Gary said that she was very personable. Benjy said that she said during the break that she used to watch the show on TV. She must have been watching the E! show and she would watch the replays at 2am.
Jon said that Howard accused Gary of sending in every gay staff member to meet Lady Gaga. Gary said that all he said was that he had one other guy there who wanted to meet her. Gary said this guy is one of the great untappeed guests of the show. Gary said that he may not have wanted to come across as wanting to meet her so bad. Gary said that was Chris from Howard TV.
Jon said that High Pitch Mick got to go in there and meet her. Jon said that he was getting bullied in Gary's office. Mike said that he was trying to watch her performances and people were shoving bananas in his ears and stuff like that. Gary said it was really annoying but he ended up with a penis on the floor and it was kind of funny.
Jon asked Mike why it was so important for him to meet her. Mike said that he thinks about himself from 15 years ago and no one else was out there telling them to just be themselves. Gary said that Elton John was out and giving shit to people. He said it's not just Lady Gaga. Mike said that not every gay guy is flamboyant. He said Gaga has a story that people can relate to.
Benjy said that Mike was giving her credit for coming out but he'd like to know if he even knew who she was back then. Mike said it was the stuff that came out with his mom and the people there that made him come out of the closet. He said it wasn't really her. Mike said that he thinks that she's as honest as Howard is with his life. He said they both kind of tell it like it is. Mike said that he was tearing up today during her performance.
Benjy asked if she's the most famous person they've had on the show at the height of their fame. Gary said that she might be it. He said that they've had Billy Joel and Letterman on but Joel came on because of his friendship with Howard. He said Paul McCartney is huge too but he didn't come on at the height of his fame.
Shuli said that there were about 200 people in the lobby who were waiting to get a glimpse of her. He said that didn't happen with Billy Joel or McCartney. Gary said he's right about that. He said he's never seen anything like that.
Jon asked Mike if Howard got some good stuff in the interview. Mike said he got her to play the songs from her phone. The sex talk was another thing. Gary said he was sort of amused that she was annoyed with the sex talk. He said it seemed like she was willing to talk about anything.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she thought the interview was epic. She said that she really enjoyed the interview and she thought the whole thing was fantastic. She didn't think there was anything unexpected in the interview. She said it did sound very conversational though and it was like she was a fly on the wall. She said she's so glad they were able to make this happen.
Gary said he's never listened to the words of her songs until she explained how she wrote the songs. He said it gave a real meaning to the song.
Jon said when she sat down and performed those songs she showed she really has talent. He said you may not like the songs but she does have talent. Gary said that she could have been like Tori Amos with her music if she wanted. If she had done that then her albums probably would have been a hit with the critics. Jon said that he thinks that we'll eventually see her a few years down the road stripped down like that on an album.
Shuli said there are no real singers out there anymore and he was blown away by her performance today. He said He didn't know what to expect.
Gary said that he and Jon were talking about who comes in there and knocks it out of the park like that. It's not a lot of people. Shuli said she was powerful as hell today. He said that her stories were very powerful too and meanwhile they were throwing dildos at Mike in Gary's office.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gaga said she had no knowledge of her cancellation of the appearance. Gary said that they had a tentative date and the only cancellation was that one time. Shuli said he's not buying it. He said he doesn't believe she doesn't know how much money she makes on tour either.
Jon said that he was buying the story about how she doesn't care about the money. He said she was also talking about how seriously she takes being the godmother of Elton John's kid. He said she wasn't messing around with that. Gary said that she didn't want to talk about it either so that made him believe she was telling the truth.
Jon asked the guys how long you can keep up the outfit thing and wearing masks. Gary said he doesn't know. He said some people would say it's gone on longer than they thought it would. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said he would have liked to have stayed there at Howard's place but his wife wanted to leave. He said it wasn't that big of a deal.
Jon said that Robin got a speeding ticket and she blamed Howard since he bought her the car. Gary said that she was speeding so she should just accept it. Gary said He has like 20 PBA cards in his glove compartment. He said He pulled one out once and the cop threw it back at him. Gary said there are levels of cops and Ronnie told him to take out his license and show him the card. He said this particular guy didn't care and the threw it at him saying he didn't care.
Jon and Gary also talked about Robin not being able to swim and why she can't figure it out. Benjy said it's not just swimming. She can't even tread water. Gary said that's something that people learn when they learn to swim. Jon said she has no fear of the water, she's always in it. She just can't swim.
Gary said Robin had a pool in Staten Island and she almost died because she didn't know how to swim. Gary said that Robin saw the ladder in the pool and she was able to get to it but she could have drowned in her own pool. Mike Gange is another one who can't swim.
Jon said that Howard also talked about getting the hat from Cowboys & Aliens. Gary said He sure hopes for Jon Favreau's sake that he doesn't find out that it's not the real hat.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary got Lady Gaga to come in and it's a testament to the show and what Gary can do for the show. He said He wanted to give him some props for that. Gary said he always wanted Madonna to come in like this. He said that he knows that the interview with Howard would have been different and better. He said that's what this was today to him.
Jon had to wrap up the show but he asked about Mr. Adventure and what Gary thinks about that. Gary said He didn't meet him but he did see Beth after she came home from her time with Mr. Adventure and she was wiped out. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about the big day yesterday. He said he watched a piece of tape of Lady Gaga leaving the studio yesterday and the people outside swarming around her. He said she apparently likes that whole thing and didn't leave through the basement. Robin said she did mention that she likes doing that. Howard said it didn't look safe to him. She loves it though.
Howard said a lot of people liked the interview. He said a lot of people who weren't fans kind of got her now. He said they got a lot of nice feedback about the interview. He said that usually people don't give that kind of feedback.
Howard said he's reading about the News of the World scandal and the things the reporters were doing over in England. Howard said it reminded him of the movie ''Wall Street'' and when Gordon Gecko told Charlie Sheen's character you need every bit of information you can get. He said they're pretty sure they were tapping Prince William and Prince Harry's phones. He said that they had their exact conversation in the paper. Howard said that's ballsy to do that. He said they were getting high government officials to go along with this too. Robin told Howard what she knows about the story and how everyone is turning on Rupert Murdoch now. He has no friends in politics now. She said his son might be indicted too.
Howard asked what's going on with Rupert Murdoch. Robin said he's supposed to be testifying today. She said there are people in Scotland Yard who have had to resign because of this. Howard said that's pretty wild. Robin said it's not over yet. They're calling for an investigation here in the United States for News Corp too.
Howard said that's crazy shit. Robin said the Paparazzi job standing around in the street is a crazy job. Howard said that's the worst. He said he feels sorry for those guys sometimes. Robin said it isn't pleasant. Howard said none of them are photographers either. He said he was asking some guys how they shoot and none of them really know anything about the cameras they're using. They just use automatic settings. He said you can do that with the cameras these days but they really don't know.
Howard said you'd think they'd get out of the Paparazzi business and just become a wedding photographer. He said he was asking these guys about the settings and they all said they just use automatic. He said he'd look into it if he was a Paparazzi. Howard said they just use them to annoy people though so maybe they don't care.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Victoria Jackson was comparing Obama to Hitler. Howard said she's the chick who used to be on Saturday Night Live. He said they used to know her but she became born again and now she's gone off the deep end with the religion stuff. Howard said she believes in some pretty wild stuff. The caller said she was a lunatic. Howard said he doesn't think she is but she has gone pretty far off the deep end.
The caller also brought up the King of All Blacks and how he's been trashing Chuck Zito's show and Chuck is saying he has to show up to quiet him down. Howard didn't know that was going on. Howard said Chuck is in no danger of his show being canceled. The caller said Chuck knows that but he has to shut King down.
Howard asked if there's any tape of that to play. JD came in and told him where it was. Howard played the audio and a caller was telling Chuck about what King of All Blacks was saying about the show. Chuck said he's going to have to go in and kick their ass. Chuck said he'd be there the next time they do a show.
Howard said maybe someone is trying to pull his leg and get something going. Chuck didn't sound happy and he was ready to do an investigation. Howard said he doesn't need his shows killing each other.
The caller told Howard that King is going to have to back down from all of that. Howard said he hopes that Chuck likes the show and doesn't do anything too crazy.
Howard played another clip of a guy who was talking to Chuck Zito about Howard taking pictures of little kids and taking pictures of his wife in the bathroom and stuff. Chuck said he hadn't heard about that. Howard laughed at what the caller was saying. The caller said he finds it really creepy and like he's some kind of weirdo rolling around in the grass taking pictures. He told Chuck that he should give Howard a talking to. Chuck said this was the first he was hearing about it. He said Howard is Howard and he does what he wants. Chuck said he may have to have a ''stern talk'' with Howard.
Howard said Chuck doesn't need to talk to him. He said it's not creepy what he's doing. He said he should have a show where he turns guys into real men. He said he'd like to see that. The caller said that Chuck is going to be on a Charlie Sheen TV show. Howard said Chuck went out with Charlie and turned his tour around with him. He did some Jeffrey Ross material and it killed.
Howard said he read about the TV show that Charlie got. He said he keeps fucking up his life though. He said he was making like 2 million a week doing that Two and a Half Men and now he's doing a show based on the movie ''Anger Management'' and that wasn't a big hit. Howard said Charlie is going to play the wimpy guy and they're switching the roles around. Howard said Charlie had his success. He's a loon. Howard said the guy was fighting with his producer. He couldn't have had a better show. All he had to do was show up to work.
Howard said he never saw the show but he heard good things about it. The caller said it was the same dumb joke every show. He thought it was lame. Howard said Ronnie would tell him to watch it all the time. He never got into it though.
Howard said Ronnie suggested a movie to him and Ralph told him it was no good. Howard said Ronnie has never steered him wrong on movies though. Howard asked what the movie was but he had it in his ToDo app. Howard said he loves that he has his To Do list in his phone now. He's working without paper now. He told Robin he's paper free.
Howard said he'd like the Howard TV guys not to show his pass code for his phone on TV. He said he would like to know who the asshole is who watches the show before it goes out. Howard said he got a note from a fan who saw it. Howard said he knows they'll do it again though. He said he never fires anyone around there. Robin said that Rupert Murdoch would just get rid of someone's stuff and that's how they would know they were fired.
Howard asked Doug Goodstein what the fuck is wrong with them. Doug said it's his fault. He accepted the blame. Doug said he's there in the morning and he should have seen it. Doug said that they were doing a wider shot and they didn't think it was getting out there. Doug said that there is nothing they can do with his password. Howard said it could be his password for all of his shit though. Doug said he's sorry about that. Howard said he's smiling and everything is a big joke to him. Howard told him to ruin his life some more. He said that's like when Baba Booey put out his screen name for his chess site he loved. Gary said he didn't do that. He said the Howard TV guys put that out.
Doug said Howard is right about all of this and he's sorry. Howard said ever since Doug got his eyes fixed he stares and it's weird. He said he looks like the man with the X-ray eyes. Howard wondered what they did to him.
Doug said he'd give out his phone password too. He said it was ''77777777'' but no one will do anything with it. Howard said all of his passwords are probably the same thing. Howard wondered why he would lock his phone. Doug said he has no choice.
The caller asked Howard if he is getting paid by Apple to use their products. Howard said that's ridiculous. He said he can't get a free computer. He said he's purchased a bunch of their stuff but hasn't gotten anything free. He said he's so honest about that. He said he doesn't get paid by anyone to use their stuff like that. Howard said that's a ridiculous rumor.
Howard said he loves Apple products. He said the iPad is great and he's doing everything on that. He said he uses the iMac at home and then uses the iPad on the road. He said his iMac got screwed up the other day and he just used the iPad instead. He said it's terrific.
During that clip Howard got a laugh out of what Big Black was saying about getting laid off. He said he told Tim to ''Jackie off'' because he doesn't want to get laid off. Howard said that they should lay Jackie off because that would be funny to lose it to their show.
Howard said it would be great if Jackie lost his show there after asking for permission to take his show to other places. He said that would work great on terrestrial radio. He said that his show is cunt jokes. The name of the show is ''Joke Hunt'' which is ''Joe Cunt.'' He said that he'd love to let Jackie take his show somewhere else. He knows that they told him they didn't have any more money for him. He said he had to take Jackie to dinner so he could hear his pitch to do more time on the air. Howard said he realized that it wasn't about being friends. It was the Jackie agenda.
Howard said Jackie can do whatever he wants. He would never stand in the way of that show. Howard said he did really well with his career decisions. He listened to all of his friends who told him he didn't need him. Howard said he sat Jackie down and told him he has the biggest group of loser friends. Howard said Jackie asked him what he was talking about but he told him that he was going to end up walking around talking about how he used to be on the show.
Howard said he told Jackie he needed him there but if he gave him time to think by leaving, he could live without him. Howard said he was making a lot of money when he was there. Jackie wasn't making the kind of money Howard was making but Howard said he was making 50 times what his friends were making.
Gary told Howard that Jackie used to tell him that he could sell all of his stuff on the web way back when he started doing that. Gary said Jackie once told him that he could sell his stuff to people in Poland. Howard said that he had all of that shitty merchandise and he'd sell it at his shows. Robin said everything he did was an ad with him.
Howard said Jackie is the biggest show business blow up ever. He said that Brian Dunkleman left American Idol but he didn't really leave it. He was canned. Howard said Brian said he left and he gets that. He said the guy didn't really leave. Robin said she thinks that he did. She said he was the whacko who said he didn't like doing it. Howard said he's glad she believes that but he doesn't think it's good for him. Howard said Jackie left on his own free will.
Gary told Howard that Jackie once told him that Howard, Mel and Don had all of the marbles and they didn't want to give any up. Howard said Jackie was making a really good living there. Gary has stuck it out and he has longevity because of that so that's why he's making good money doing what he does.
Gary said that Jackie used to take his bumper stickers and put them in bathrooms at places they'd visit. It was like advertising for him.
Robin said Jackie used to make 922-WINE wine. She said they used to get that as gifts. Howard said Jackie would give his stuff to people as gifts and he gave some of it to him and his kids.
Howard said Jackie didn't appreciate what he had when he had it. He said he would love to know why he would leave a job like that.
Howard got back to King of All Blacks and played the clip of King talking about how they should get rid of Chuck Zito's show. Howard got King on the line and told him that's not too smart. King said that Tim was joking around about laying them off and he was just messing with them. King said that Chuck's show isn't his cup of tea. He said that's all it is. He said it's just an opinion. He said he doesn't have a beef with Chuck or anything. Howard thanked King and tried to let him go. King wondered if he should say something to chuck. Howard told him he doesn't think Chuck is that offended. Howard said you gotta love King.
Howard let King go and got back to Jackie for a few minutes. He said that maybe they should give Jackie's show to Artie. He said that would be pretty funny.
Robin said she saw that Charlie Sheen's ex-wife had to be taken off an airplane recently. Howard said that you see her on that Paris Hilton show and you see how dumb they are. Howard said they do some really stupid things on the show.
Robin asked if he's still watching the Ryan and Tatum O'Neal show. Howard said he's been trying to catch up on his TiVo stuff. He just caught up on True Blood. Robin said she has some issues with True Blood this season. She said she doesn't care about a lot of the stuff they do in that show. She said they have the shape shifters and the panther family and Werewolves and she doesn't care about the panthers or the shape shifters. Howard said he can't talk to her about the show anymore. He said she's ruining it for him. Howard said now he hates the show. He said Robin is right about all of that. Robin said it's making her crazy. Howard said the show has jumped the shark but he's still watching it. He kept asking her not to ruin it for him. He said that she keeps ruining shows for him and she won't stop.
Howard said he went home and gave himself a spa day. He ordered a salad and sat down and watched some TV. He watched some America's Got Talent and True Blood. He said he's behind on the America's Got Talent by about 6 shows. Robin said that's like the new Ed Sullivan show. Howard said you know that no one on that show is going to have a career after the show. He said that's like American Idol. He said he can't remember who even won that show this season.
Howard and Robin said that the real talent isn't on American Idol. Howard said Lady Gaga is the one with real talent because she can sing and write songs herself. Howard said she doesn't need a show like that.
Howard said he wanted to stay in front of the TV because that comforts him. He said that's his work because He does research by watching TV.
Robin said she watched Ryan and Tatum and thought it was pretty good. Howard said he didn't think he needed to see more of the show. Robin said that Ryan started to be a human being in the 3rd or 4th episode. She said that you think he might be okay but then they showed the next week and he goes off.
Howard said he got his phone out for something and now he can't remember what it was for. Robin reminded it was for the movie that Ronnie recommended. Howard said the movie was ''The Lincoln Lawyer.'' Robin said that was good. Howard said Mary McCormack's husband recommended a movie too.
Howard said he watched True Blood but he's stopped watching Teen Wolf. Robin said she likes that show. Howard said he liked it too but he stopped watching that.
Howard said he got a DVD of Stoya to watch. He said that she does baby sitter porn and he has watched it two nights in a row. Howard said they have some good looking women on that DVD too. He said the guys need an upgrade. He said there isn't one guy in the movie who has good skin. He said it looks like an ad for Clearasil. Howard said the girls are part of this baby sitting organization and they show up almost naked. He said there are no kids around when they show up though. Howard said he fast forwards to the blow jobs and fucking though.
Howard said the porn is always the same kind of thing. The guy always goes down on the girl first. The guy goes in from behind in the newer porn too. Howard said he wouldn't want to do that. He doesn't need his nose up a girl's butt while he's doing that. Howard said that the guys are also doing this thing where they spank the girl's clitoris. Howard said the girls don't look like they're having fun with it either. Howard said the girls don't seem to know how to shave their vagina's either. He said they have red marks and they need to put some makeup on there. He said he hates watching women blowing guys too. He said he doesn't even want to think about it when he sees the veiny penises and things. He said he feels so bad for Beth when he looks at his own now.
Howard said he doesn't know the names of the girls in the movie but there were some really good looking girls. He said he watched some Bill O'Reilly after he came and cleaned up. He said he actually got back into bed and watched some more America's Got Talent. He said he tried watching some other TV shows and they were just bad. He likes reality shows.
Howard said that Nick Cannon stopped by the Wrap Up Show before vacation and he was talking about how he thinks he hates him. Howard said he really doesn't hate him. He said he watches his show every week. He said he's a fan of his. Howard said Nick was saying that he didn't like him because he goofs on his wife. Howard said He can't help doing that when she does the strange things she does.
Howard said he thinks that Nick Cannon is so deep into his marriage that even he's not digging his wife. He said he must be thinking that she's a handful. Robin said that might be why he's taking more and more jobs. Howard said He really doesn't hate the guy. He seems like a lovely guy. Robin said He should have him and Mariah over for dinner. Howard said he's not looking for that. He wants a mellow existence. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and let the song play a little longer. He also got in a plug for the World's Biggest Whore contest they have coming up soon. He said they're still looking for whores to participate. Howard said you can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard.
Howard said he was just now listening to the lyrics in the song. He wondered what version it was. Fred said it was from a Beatles Anthology and it was the demo version.
Howard said he was listening to various tapes during the break. He said he had another Chuck Zito clip to play. He said he had a road rage incident. Howard said it was a great story. Howard played the clip and Chuck was talking about how he borrowed Charlie Sheen's car for a week and he was going up a road where there was some traffic. A guy in an SUV was right on his ass so he slowed down and the guy gave him the finger. Chuck said he stopped and got out of the car. He had a cut off shirt and a Jujitsu shirt on. The guy in the SUV saw him get out and locked the doors and windows. Chuck said he told the guy he'd break his fingers. Then people started honking when they recognized him. Chuck said he got back in his car so he wouldn't get arrested for road rage.
Howard said he loves the co-host on Chuck's show who goes along with the stories and says ''no fucking way'' when Chuck talks about the guy giving him the finger. Howard said Chuck looks like he's jacked out of his brain when you see him. Howard said he loves that JD is ''Da Bad Ass'' online but Chuck Zito is the real bad ass.
Johnny said that he has messages from Eric and he's way out of control. More than ever. Howard said they're going to give him a microphone that's in the same of a cock. Shuli said it should be a Smurf cock.
Gary came in and said that Eric was very upset about Lady Gaga coming on the show because she's against bullying and Howard is a bully. Howard said he's been bullied his whole life so he knows what that's like. He said the people who are in power become the bullies. He said it doesn't matter who it is, they become the bully.
Howard and Robin were talking about Lady Gaga and the story she told about her grandfather dying. Robin told Howard what she got out of that and how Gaga was writing that Edge of Glory about her grandparents because they took their life to the edge. Howard had the clip from the interview where Gaga was talking about what it was about and how you may not reach that glorious moment until your death. Howard said it moved him to tears but he didn't get the philosophy thing while she was explaining it. Shuli said he didn't get it either. He said He was busy putting dildos next to High Pitch Mike's head.
Howard said that performance by Lady Gaga was really good. He played the whole song since they were talking about it.
After the song Howard said it was a really moving performance. He said he gets emotional every time he hears it. He said the guy who set up the Steinway said that it was refreshing to hear how gifted she really is. Howard said he got a lot of messages, emails and Tweets about how powerful she was. He said that she made a lot of fans out of their fans yesterday.
Howard said that Robin's explanation of her song was making more sense to him now. Robin said she could hear what she was talking about during the song. Robin said that you're right at the edge and that's it. Howard said he almost cried during the replay.
Benjy said he knows what the song is about. He said we're all about to die and during the time that we're alive we have to celebrate it and dance on the flames. Robin said he's close on that. Howard said he doesn't know what to think about Benjy. He said it's very hard to have a serious discussion with him.
Howard asked Sal what a guy shoots out when he cums. Sal said it's ''Seaming'' or ''Seamin.'' Howard asked Sal how he doesn't know that it's ''Semen.'' He said he doesn't know what to say. He said he was looking over the song Little Mikey sent in and noticed that Sal put it in the computer wrong. Sal said He wrote it as the song was sent in by Mikey. Gary said that's not true. Gary said that Mikey thinks that it's spelled ''Seamin'' and Sal added the G. Howard said he can't believe that he doesn't know how to spell it. Sal thought that was the correct spelling.
Shuli was goofing on Sal asking how he didn't know that after watching so much porn. Sal told Shuli he was being a dick. Sal explained that the act of cumming is seaming like seaming to cum. He said He knows that's not even a good explanation.
Scott came in and said that they had a collaboration between Lady Gaga's engineer, Chris and himself. Howard asked if Scott was involved then. Scott said he was. That led to Fred singing ''I'm on the edge of boring'' and goofed on him for a few seconds about that.
Robin asked what Scott did. Scott said that Lady Gaga's guy told them what the settings should be. He said they set it up and Chris was in there mixing it during the song.
Howard asked if Shuli is still doing shows with Scott. Shuli said that he told Scott and Ronnie that they had to share a room at the last show but it was just a goof. He said he pulled Scott aside and told him that it was just a goof. Shuli said he was trying to find out if the prank was up and he didn't give it up to Ronnie. He said that Scott was yelling at him for not giving it up and Ronnie already knew that it was a goof. Ronnie called the front desk and asked if they had rooms.
Howard had tape of Scott and Ronnie arguing about it. Ronnie came in and said it took 5 hours to get to the show and Shuli was taking pictures of the back of his head the whole time. Shuli said that he looked like a dead body when he fell asleep in the car.
Ronnie said that he knew nothing about the joke. He said they got to the room and it was two double beds that they got. He said he asked Scott if he wanted to take a shower and he said he didn't know. Ronnie said that he told him to just go do it. Ronnie said Scott used the shampoo but he doesn't have any hair. Scott said he uses it on the hair on his face.
Ronnie said Scott threw a shit fit and said that the joke was supposed to end in the elevator and he was all upset about that. Ronnie said he went ballistic so he figured that Shuli was fucking with him in the room. He said he thought that there were cameras in there or something. Then this new camera guy came down and knocked on the door. He said he told him to get the fuck out of there and told him to tell Shuli to shove it up his ass.
Shuli said he had the ''funnest time ever'' on that trip. Howard found out that Scott and Ronnie shared a bar of soap. He figured that was kind of disgusting but Scott said it's just soap so it cleans itself.
Howard had Shuli give his news preview. Shuli said they have a story about Joey Boots who got a hit and run driver on video. Shuli said that Joey has been getting some serious recognition now that he's out there taking video on the streets. He's going to have a display at a museum.
Shuli said Ronnie's dog sitting thing is in the news. Shuli said that Rose was told that she could sleep in his bed while he was gone. She slept on the couch though. Word came through that he wants her to dog watch again. Howard said Ronnie should try to not be involved with the interns anymore. Ronnie said she won't be working there at that point. He said she'll be gone by then. Ronnie said all he told her was to sleep on the pull out couch if she wanted to. He said it was all old news anyway. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was listening to some of the interviews Wolfie did at a little people convention. He said he'd get to that after some calls.
A caller asked Howard if he saw Paul McCartney this weekend. Howard said he didn't but his daughter went. Howard said Paul performed at Yankee stadium and there was a whole thing about it. He said the guy is still out there working hard. The caller said that the show was fantastic. Howard said that this guy is driving him nuts talking over him. He said he's shot out of a cannon.
Howard said his daughter was playing some Beatles for him and she was telling him about going to the McCartney concert. He said she's as into them as he was when he was younger. He said it's pretty amazing.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn. Mariann said she cried yesterday during the Lady Gaga interview. She said she showed up dressed like Howard to talk to the little monsters there. Howard said Howard TV is going to have her song up all month on Howard TV.
Mariann said it was wild outside the building yesterday. She said that the Paparazzi almost crushed her out there. Howard said she went out to meet her fans and she did a costume change. Howard said she's truly eccentric. He said she took a picture with him but she had to glove up first. He said her gloves don't go on easy so she had to ask for oil to get them on. Howard said they were latex. He said Mike Gange came over with spray butter and told her that they use it to spray girl's asses. Howard said it was a lot of work to get her gloves on. He said it was kind of a cute picture they took. Mariann said she didn't see that. Howard said he told the guys to put it up. Jason said he never got that note. Howard said something is wrong with his email. He said he didn't have it for a full day and Beth is saying she didn't get anything from him.
Howard told Jason what email it was and he knows he sent it. Jason said he hasn't gotten an email from him in over 24 hours. Howard said he's in such a nightmare with everything. He said it's all just bad. He said that his ToDo list won't sync and his Lotus Notes isn't working. Howard asked Jason to call Laura. He said it's every day of his life that this is going on.
Howard said he asked his computer guy why his stuff isn't working and he had to reinstall everything to get it to work. Now it's not working. He said he just wants a reliable email. He asked Jason to please put the picture on Twitter. He told them to look into the email thing and get Laura and Matt on that. Gary said they were already on it.
Howard asked what he has to do to get this stuff to work. Robin said that he can't even keep up with technology. Mariann asked if she could sing to him to make him feel better. Howard said no. He said it doesn't make him feel better, it's horrible. He hung up on her.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he snuck into the Kimmel party while he was out in L.A. He said the interview yesterday was amazing. He said Howard is the only thing that gets him through his life. Robin wondered what it was that was so hard for the guy. The caller said he works at a company that builds satellites for Sirius and he got hurt on the job. He said he was going through a lawsuit with them. He said he didn't want to sue but he has to sue the doctor. Howard thought he was going to say he had to sue Sirius like he's doing.
The caller said he had a question about Sirius too. He asked Howard if he thinks he'll go down in history as someone huge like Charlie Chaplain. Howard said John Stamos said he wishes he was him once because he knows that he'll go down in history. Howard said he didn't give a fuck since he'll be dead. Howard said John will have gotten laid with that beautiful face of his.
Howard said that he's not sure he'll go down in history. Robin said he could be like Charlie Chaplain. She said you do know who he is even if you're not familiar with his work. Robin said there are many people like that. The caller said that he could be a modern day Tesla. Howard said he doesn't think he'll be in history like they think he'll be.
The caller said he's been listening since Howard was in Detroit. Howard said he feels sorry for him now. Howard said he really liked the people in Detroit though. The caller told him about where he grew up there and Howard said Robin just had to ask him what his history was. He asked the guy, Shandor, about his life more but he wasn't really interested.
Howard played the first one for the caller and they asked Lupe who George Bush was. Howard said she must know who that is. The caller said she will know. Lupe said he was a really mean guy and the president. She got that one right. Next up they asked Lupe who Winston Churchill was. Shandor said she would not know. Lupe said he was a ''hot guy inventor.''
Next up they asked Lupe who Abraham Lincoln was. Shandor said no way she'd know who that is. Lupe said he was a president. She knew.
Howard said he had two more to go. They asked Lupe who John Lennon is. Shandor said that she might know that one. He wasn't sure. He went with yes. Lupe said John Lennon was a ''hot guy, singer.'' Shandor won the iPad 2.
Howard said he's the worst game show host. Shandor was confused about if he had won or lost. Shandor told Howard to keep up the good work because he's helping keep people alive out there. Howard asked if he would have killed himself without the show. Shandor said it never crossed his mind but he thinks there are people out there who are.
Robin was choking on her Smoothie. She said it was the little things floating in there. Howard said they must be ''seamings'' floating in there.
Bobo called in and asked Howard what that hat was that he was wearing. He liked the look. Howard said he liked it but people were goofing on him. He said Beth picked it out. He said he knew he was going to be on TV and his hair was kind of fucked up. He said he doesn't like doing those interviews but he did it for her. He said he thought the hat was good but people were goofing on him about it. He said He gets a lot of attention when he does something like that. Howard said he's not sur what to make of Bobo's comment because he thinks his own toupee looks good. Howard said it doesn't look good. Bobo said that he does have the real hair coming out the back. He has that mullet look going on.
Bobo asked if he got laid before or after he ''tooken'' those pictures of Beth. Howard and Robin goofed on him about the grammar a little bit. Howard said he did want to get laid that day but she made him wait until that night. Howard said she wanted to take a bath. He said he was all boned up during that photo shoot. Howard said he had to take a break and then get to Miss Howard TV. He said that this girl was one of Ronnie's Hot Chick of the Week. Howard said Ronnie has a lot going on right now. He could have his own talk show. Howard said he's not sure how that will work if he has to drive him and do security. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he might have to take a break because he's coughing like crazy. Howard said he went running yesterday and his eye was hurting and he may have blown himself out.
Howard said he wants to meet Miss Howard TV. He said her name is Britney Shannon (@xxVixenBritxx) and Ronnie found her. He has that Twitter account (@RMLimoDriver69) and he had her as a Hot Chick of the Week.
Britney came in and Howard noticed all of the tattoos she had. Howard said she's a hot chick but he's not sure why she would do that with the tattoos. Britney told Howard she actually found Ronnie, not the other way around. Howard checked out some of her tattoos and saw one of a hot chick on her shoulder. Britney said that her artist designed that one. Britney said she's done with the tattoos. Howard said she has some body on her. She has some Marilyn Monroe tatts so Howard asked what that was about. She said she's fascinated with her. Britney even has some quotes from Marilyn written on her.
Howard asked Britney about the process of getting the job. He said he heard that Doug, Gange and Chris Costa all interviewed her and asked her the same questions. He said they're all so horny over there. Howard said Will does the pre-interview there and then he finds out that the Howard TV guys do an interview and put her through the third degree. He said that's why his iPhone password ends up on the air. They're busy interviewing chicks.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that they go through a process and that's why they interview her with a bunch of guys. Howard asked Britney if they asked her the same questions over and over. Doug said that's just not true. Howard said they also prank called Ronnie. Doug said they audition the girls and they have to find out if they're good for the job. He said they have turned down some people because they can't read. Doug said that some of the girls don't know what they're going to be doing.
Howard asked what kind of questions they asked. Britney said they ask about being married and things like that. Howard asked if they ask if they can touch her. Britney just laughed. Doug said they have done this with 70 girls and nothing inappropriate has happened. Howard said He didn't say it had. He said it's just weird that they have to interview her with 3 guys.
Howard said that he's done with Doug now. He wanted to move along. Doug said no and said she's his girl so he's not leaving. He was kidding and left.
Howard asked Britney about going to strip clubs and dancing. He wondered if guys shoot loads when she dances for them. She said she's not sure but she does see wet spots. Howard asked if she gets pissed off. She said she does. Britney said they can tell her instead of letting her sit on it. Howard said he would just tell her that he's finished and she can leave.
Britney is married and her husband doesn't mind this. She also has a girlfriend and the husband knows about her. He gets to watch them doing their thing. Howard asked if he gets to fuck the other girl. She said that he doesn't. The other girl isn't interested. Howard asked if she's more in love with the girl or the guy. Britney said she loves men more. Britney said she fucks her husband more than 3 times a week so Robin wondered how she has time to do anything else. Howard asked how much she's been offered to fuck a guy. She said she was offered $5,000 but she didn't do anything. She said she wouldn't do that.
Howard said some girls take money from guys just to be their friend. Howard asked if she dances completely naked. She said she does. Robin said that's how she knows she's sitting in the wet spots on guy's laps.
Ronnie came in and said that Britney met up with him at Rick's with her husband and girlfriend. He said they were all loaded. He said that her and the girlfriend were going at it on the couch making out. The girlfriend is there too. Howard asked the guys to bring her in.
The girlfriend came in and she told Howard she's half and half when it comes to men. She said she doesn't have a boyfriend of husband. Howard asked if she's in love with Britney. She said it's getting there. They've been dating for about 5 months. Howard found out they're exclusive girl wise with each other. They said it's a very complicated situation.
The girlfriend said that her name is Britney too. She said it's kind of weird. Howard asked if the husband can stick his fingers in her ass or anything. She said no. Britney said that she doesn't do anything like that with him. She's never touched his cock. Howard said that's kind of strange. The girls talked about how they met at a bar and how they ended up hanging out before they got it on.
Howard asked where they got it on the first time. It was at Britney Shannon's house. Howard asked if they finger each other all the time. They do that and lick each other. Howard said that must go on forever. They said it does and it's a work out.
Howard asked if the girlfriend does things to Britney when the husband is fucking her. She said she will make out with her and grab whatever she can grab. Howard asked if she ever sits on her face. She said no to that. Howard asked if Britney 2 gets jealous of the stripping. She said it's natural to get jealous.
Howard asked if she fantasizes about Britney leaving her husband. She said she doesn't really. Howard said they must look hot together. He said that maybe they could make out or something. Britney Shannon said she'd take her top off for Howard. Howard said that sounds good. He had the girlfriend helping her out. Howard said she looks good to him.
Howard asked what Britney is going to do after she's done stripping. She wants to be a nurse. Howard said she'd be some nurse. He would have a boner the whole time she was around him if he was a patient.
Howard said Britney will be Miss Howard TV all month long in August. Howard said he heard that she got kicked off of Twitter for showing her vagina. She said she took a shot of her butt and she didn't see that there was something else in the picture. She said they freaked out and she had to start a new account. Britney said that the Twitter people won't let you be topless. Howard said he's not sure if you can curse on there. She said it's fine to do that. She said that you can post any picture you want but you have to use another service if it's nudity.
Howard asked who turned her in. Britney said Ronnie had a theory about who it was. Robin said he always has theories like that. Howard thanked the two Britney's for coming in and wrapped up with them a short time later. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he likes that Foo Fighters song. Robin said she loves it. Howard let it play for a few seconds and said he loves it. He said he can't believe he was the drummer in Nirvana. He said that if they had stayed together maybe he wouldn't have written these songs. Robin said that he was so amazed by Kurt (Cobain) he wanted to drum for him.
Howard wondered if Dave has a lot of money. Robin said he has Nirvana money and Foo Fighters money. Howard wondered if he has a big penis. He asked Robin if she thinks he's handsome. Robin said he has a look. Howard said he thinks he's handsome. Robin said he gets better looking when you listen to him sing. She said that doesn't mean he's not good looking.
Howard said he had tape of Dave Grohl kicking a guy out of a concert for fighting. Howard played the clip where Dave stops the band from playing and points a guy out in the crowd who is fighting. He calls him out and then gets him kicked out of the show. He tells him to get the fuck out of his show right now. Howard said that should be a song. They go right back to the song after the guy gets kicked out. Howard said he loves that guy Dave Grohl.
Howard played more of Sal and Richard's questions for the guy with the funny voice. They were asking all kinds of weird stuff that he could do with Casey Anthony if he could be with her. The guy said he would let her shit on his chest. Howard said the guy would rather let Casey baby sit his kid before Howard Stern. The guy thought she was innocent and he'd be fine with her watching his kid.
Howard said he had a clip of Joy Behar asking Casey Anthony's attorney if she would let Casey baby sit her kids. In the clip the attorney said he came to trust her and felt comfortable with her. She wouldn't answer the question. Howard said just imagine that's your lawyer. The lawyer said her kids are grown. Joy asked if she would let her watch her grandchildren then. The lawyer wouldn't give a straight answer.
Howard had some audio from outside the courthouse when Casey Anthony was released. There were women out there screaming at her about her being a murderer. Howard said women get pissed when you say that Casey Anthony is hot. He said they freak out if you say that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the Lady Gaga interview was good yesterday. He said that when she sang that song Hair he was taking his hair out and tying it into a noose. He said he couldn't handle it. The caller also said that he saw the interview that Beth did with him and he wondered what was up with the hat. Howard said he just talked about it a little while ago. He said it's not all that interesting. Howard said his wife suggested it and he wore it. He said he does whatever Beth asks him to do. He said he's wrapped around her finger. He said she puts thought into her outfits but he never does. Howard said she says he has no ''summer look'' and that sounds effeminate to him. He said Beth puts a lot of thought into her outfits. He doesn't. Howard said if Beth finds him attractive with a certain look he'll go with it.
Howard said he carries around one of those big wallets now and he has to carry that around. He said it doesn't fit into anything. He said the thing is so big. Howard said he'd show it to Robin. Howard took it out and showed her how big it was. Robin said he can't put that anywhere. She said he must put it in a purse. Howard said he has a money clip too. Howard said he likes looking cool with it. Robin said no one can see it. Howard said it's no different than Robin wearing really high heels. He said it's not practical but neither are heels.
Howard said he's not going to listen to Robin. She carries around 2 cell phones. Howard said he carries one iPhone and that's it.
Howard said on The Bachelor they never have a black bachelor or bachelorette. He said he knows that white people wouldn't watch if they did. He said that's not right but it's true. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show after that. They ended up talking about Britney Shannon and how she didn't have much to say. Howard said he kind of blew his stick with Doug about putting her through the pre-interview with four different guys. Howard said he told Doug that they're not right for radio if they're not talkative.
Doug came in and tried to defend himself. He said that Howard doesn't know that this girl didn't just come in and choke today. Howard said he's not going to argue this. He said if you know they're not good on camera you don't put them on the air. He said that's what he's trying to tell Doug. Doug said that she was fine on camera when they tested her out. Howard said you can't tell someone ''don't be nervous'' and expect them not to be nervous. Howard said that if Doug told him he knows what he's talking about he'd think he was insane. He said that Doug has to defend himself.
Doug said he didn't tell Howard to put her on the show. Howard said no more Miss Howard TV's then. Doug said he didn't tell him to put her on the air. Doug asked why she can't come in and choke. He said that she was fine after the interview. Robin couldn't believe what he was saying. She said he was saying that she was nervous but he sent her in there anyway. Doug said this is the first time they've had this problem. Howard said he has to move on. He said they'll talk about the Miss Howard TV thing later. Howard thanked him and tried to get him out. Doug asked if he could just stare at him with his crazy eyes. Howard said that was fine. He said maybe he can learn something by staring at him. Jon ran down the rest of his Wrap Up Show preview after that.
Robin read a story about a man who was convicted in a semen tainted yogurt case. Robin said he was having women tasting his semen claiming it was yogurt. Howard said they have to convict this guy. He said he would chop the guy's dick off if he did it to his daughters. Howard was still on the gay sex study and the waste of money that it was. Howard said the President must see things like that.
Robin read a story about the men in porn and how disgusting Howard finds them. Howard said the guys are scary looking. He said it must be embarrassing to be in them. Robin said a porn star was arrested for having a car full of animals. Robin said that he was in a series called BangBus. He was charged with 22 counts of animal cruelty. Robin said that one of the animals died in his car.
Howard asked JD where his porn clips were. JD said they were still up there. He had taken some down. Howard played one of the clips where a guy was grunting and groaning.
Robin read a story about how Rachel Uchitel had to give back $10 million to Tiger Woods because she had spoken out about her situation. Howard said if Tiger gave him 10 million to shut up, he'd never do an interview. He wouldn't go on Celebrity Rehab either. He said that he'd just keep his mouth shut and smile. Howard said Tiger gave her the money before all of the other women came out of the woodwork. He said he would disappear with 10 million. He said he'd buy a nice little house and live off the rest of the money. Howard said that's even dopier than Jackie leaving the show. He said Jackie must love it when he mentions him on the show. Howard went off on Rachel for a few minutes talking about how she should have just shut up and laid low.
Robin read about a 17 year old kid in Florida who had a part after he bludgeoned his parents to death with a hammer. Robin said a bunch of people came to the party. That led to a noise complaint and the cops showed up and someone tipped them off that a slaying may have taken place. Robin said the kid will be charged as an adult.
Robin read about the break up of Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez. Howard said He heard he's a control freak. He said of course he bosses her around. He has nothing going on in his life. Howard said what he knows about J-Lo taking American Idol he's not surprised that they'd break up. Howard said she has to be a huge pain in the ass. He said he can't imagine being married to her. Howard said you know she's a pain in the ass when you see her posing on stage while her husband is singing. Howard said Marc is actually a really nice guy but J-Lo is the one who runs away from him. He said Marc was really cool with him when he complimented him about what he did on American Idol. Howard said He told him he's a genius for what He did helping the kids out on the show.
Robin read about Ryan Phillippe who is rumored to be dating Demi Lovato. They spent a minute on that when Jeff the Drunk called in. Jeff said he wanted to know why he didn't ask Lady Gaga to ride the Sybian. Howard said that he didn't want to ruin the vibe. Jeff said she looked great in the picture with Howard.
Jeff asked Howard if he could do him a quick favor. Howard asked how much he needs. Jeff said he hasn't asked for money in a long time. Jeff said he would like to know if Fred could play the song ''Snap Your Fingers'' that he sang. Howard said he has better things to do.
Robin read about a study that was done about kids who are allowed to share a bed with their parents and how it doesn't really affect them. Howard said he was in the bed with his father once and his father just read the paper and didn't want anything to do with him. He said it was really creepy.
Robin read about how DC Comics is breaking up Superman and Lois Lane. Robin said that Lane will have a boyfriend in the upcoming comic books. Superman is going to lose the red underpants and go with a full blue body suit too.
Robin read about the heat in the mid-west and how bad it's been. Robin said they say that it felt like over 120 degrees in Iowa yesterday. She had some audio of a guy talking about the heat wave. Howard said he loves the heat. He said everyone bitches about the cold in the winter and now they're bitching about the heat. This is what everyone was waiting for. Robin said the governor of Oklahoma was asking people to have a day of prayer to help with the drought out there. Howard said He just prays for air conditioning.
Robin read about a guy who claims he saw an image of Jesus on a WalMart receipt. Robin had some audio of the guy who saw it first. Robin said that the people are saying they want to show the people of the world the receipt. She had some audio of a woman talking about that.
Howard said he took a shit once and Albert Einstein's face showed up. Robin said there was an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry David goes to pee and he splashes his pee on a picture of Jesus and the people think the picture is crying. Howard said that's pretty funny.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the military loves Robin. Howard said they love the military too. The caller asked if Robin saw the new Breaking Bad episode on Sunday. Robin hadn't seen it yet but she has to check it out. Howard said Jimmy and Molly are into it. Howard said he's into Fringe right now. Robin said that Breaking Bad is about a guy who is a Meth producer and he's sort of living a double life. Howard said He doesn't like double life shows. Robin said it's an incredible show.
Howard asked the caller what he wanted. The caller said his wife is giving birth to their baby and he wanted to give them a call. Howard wished the guy luck with all of that.
Robin read about the case of the guy who killed the 8 year old kid in Brooklyn. Robin said they're thinking about going with an insanity defense with the guy who killed the kid. Robin said she thinks that if you try to get rid of the body you're not so insane. You know you did wrong if you do that. Robin said that anyone who kills someone like that is crazy.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if anyone there jerked off to the picture of Beth in her bathing suit. Benjy said he did kind of. He said it wasn't exclusive. He said that the back of the panties coming up her ass was really hot. He said it crossed his mind while he was doing it. Howard said Gary might have jerked off too it. Gary said she's off limits to him. Howard didn't believe that. Gary said it would be very easy if he did do that.
Robin read about borders books closing the rest of its stores. Howard said he never thought that would happen. He said it's kind of weird and depressing. He said he likes having stores to go to.
Robin read about the debt ceiling crisis and what's going on with that. Robin had some details about that.
Robin read about how one of the reporters involved in the News of the World scandal has been found dead.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jason Tweeted the picture of Howard and Lady Gaga and they look good but he wondered how Benjy was left in the background. Howard said he finds it interesting to leave that stuff in it. Howard said it's fun to look around the studio to see what's happening. The caller said he looks like a freak back there. Howard said the picture was out of focus too. Howard asked what was going on with that. Jason blamed the upload to the web site for the blurriness. He said that it drops the resolution a lot. Jason said everyone is always in the background and he can't crop every photo. The caller said it's really distracting to have ''ugly Benjy'' in the pictures.
Robin read about the new Captain America movie that's coming out this week. She had some audio of one of the stars of the movie talking about how she read the comic books to get familiar with the story. Howard said that bothers him that a woman who never read a comic book gets to be in a comic book movie and talk about it. He said he read all of those things when he was growing up.
Robin had some audio of Emma Watson talking about the Harry Potter movie and what she'll be doing now that the series is over.
Robin had a story about Josh Grobin so she had Howard play some of his awful music. Howard goofed on him for a minute and Robin said that he's a good looking guy so he's going to be in a movie with Steve Carell and Ryan Gosling. She had some audio of Josh talking about the movie. Howard wondered what kind of singing style that is. Robin said she doesn't know but it floors her. Howard did an impression of him singing and said you'd think that it would have died with his parents generation. He played his dad singing ''Old Man River'' as an example. Howard said his dad complains that he doesn't have that timber in his voice anymore. Like he ever did.
Robin said Cowboys & Aliens hits theaters soon. Robin had some audio of Steven Spielberg talking about that movie. Howard said he has the hat that Harrison Ford wore in the movie. Jon Favreau sent it to him. He said he hopes the movie is a hit. They wrapped up the news and the show around 10:15am.
Doug said it didn't bother him because he knows where he works. He said Howard has points and he will respond to them in his job. Jon asked why Miss Howard TV had to be interviewed by so many people. Doug said he thinks that it's the same process as it happens on the show. Gary said that's not true because only Will interviews the guest. Doug said it's a group process and Chris and Gange are involved. He said they all discuss it between 3 people. He said it's pretty straightforward. Doug said they're making more of it than is there.
Doug said they've done this with 70 people and no one has done anything inappropriate. He said no one has called any of them or anything. Benjy said that's not true. Gange had called one of them.
Gary said he kind of gets what Doug is saying. He explained how there is a process for picking guests to come in so that's what they're doing with the Miss Howard TV girls. Jon said that it's still just Will who calls the guests. Will said that there is a double booking there because they interview her for the TV show and once for the radio show.
Gary said there is nothing funnier for him than when they have a hot chick there who can't read for the Miss Howard TV filming. He said that they want to kill the girls when they can't read and they have to stay there all day filming. Doug said they once stayed until about 5 at night after starting to film around noon.
Gary said it is kind of weird that they do the three interviews with the girls. Doug said that would be like having someone on the show without interviewing them. Doug said they could do it with Will in the mix from the start. They do the interviews via Skype so he could be involved.
Doug said that the girls aren't TV personalities and he just told Britney to relax and have some more energy when she was on the air. He said she was already part of the show because of the Ronnie connection. He said he thinks that Ronnie loves seeing him getting hammered.
Jon said that Doug got hammered for letting Howard's passcode out on the air. Doug said they did take the show down and stuff like that happens. He said that it should be zero but it does happen.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Doug does a great job and it's just one mistake with the passcode getting out. Jon took another call from a guy who said that Doug should be fired for fucking that up. He said everyone is a fuck up on the show and they never fire anyone.
Gary asked the caller if he's perfect at work. The guy said he rarely makes mistakes. Gary said that people make errors and you hope that they don't get worse. Doug said he hasn't gotten yelled at for about 7 months now. He said he doesn't screw up a lot.
Jon asked Ronnie if he felt responsible for any of this. Ronnie said she was nervous and he had no idea she was going to be. He said he hung out with her Friday night and she was great to hang out with. He said they had a blast. Jon asked if he thinks that Doug did anything wrong. Ronnie said it's up to Howard to determine that. Jon asked if he feels that Howard was hitting everyone today. Ronnie said everyone gets hit eventually.
Jon asked Ronnie about Rose the intern watching his dog and what Howard was saying about that. Ronnie said he will have her back and he gave her $120 for watching the dog that night. He said she did a great job and she was awesome.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what he gets out of the whole Miss Howard TV thing. Ronnie said he became friends with her outside of twitter and she's a nice girl. He said he doesn't get anything out of it. He said he hopes that he brought something good to the show. Doug pointed out that he gets to watch the two making out at a strip club. The caller kept digging and getting Ronnie worked up about the whole thing. Ronnie started getting pissed and getting louder and louder with the caller until Jon let him go.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that they'd call Ronnie a chicken hawk years ago. He said he's such a creep. He said that he got his job by writing a letter in crayon. Ronnie said that's how stupid the caller is. He said he didn't get the job that way. Ronnie and that caller yelled over each other for a minute.
Ronnie said he has people who bad mouth the shit out of him on Twitter but they keep following him. He said they all show up and shake his hand at his appearances. Ronnie said they all knock the shit out of him but he can deal with it.
Gary said that Nick Cannon, on Twitter, was wondering if there is any difference between a hater and someone who is jealous. Ronnie said there isn't a difference.
Will told the guys that he has girls who want to get on the show who have great stories and he could suggest a few for Miss Howard TV. Will said that Britney didn't tell the story she had about Beetlejuice and how he tried to finger her once when she gave him a lap dance. Will said she smelled like urine too.
Doug said he has to be involved in the whole process of picking a Miss Howard TV because he has to see if she can read. He said that nothing goes on Howard TV without him being involved with it. He said there are some girls who just can't read. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked Gary what happened with Sal screwing up the word semen. Gary said he saw the song up on the computer and he saw the misspelling. He said he thought it was Sal who screwed it up so he had to check to find out what was going on with it. He said Jason checked into it and found out how Little Mikey had spelled it. Gary said that he saw that Mikey had spelled it ''Seamin'' and Sal had added the G at the end. Gary said when he saw that Sal had spelled it with a G he knew it would work on the air.
Sal said he was relieved to know he didn't fuck up too bad and he wasn't in trouble. Sal said he knows how to spell semen. He said he thought that Gary needed it for personal reasons so he didn't think anything of it. He said he thought that Mikey had spelled ''Seaming'' when he sent it so that's why he put it in the computer like that. Jon said he spelled it wrong when Howard asked him to spell it too. Sal said he spells things wrong sometimes. He said he spelled it the way he thought he had spelled it on the computer. Sal said he knows how to spell it.
Gary said Sal thinks the word is spelled the way he spelled it for Howard. Sal said he thought it was spelled ''Seamen'' and then Howard called him out on the air about it and he went with Little Mikey's spelling. Sal said he thought it was ''seamen'' but he knows it's ''semen'' now.
Gary said that Sal looks for the reaction from everyone in the studio and that's why he went with ''seaming'' this morning. Sal ended up even laughing at himself during that explanation he had for Howard.
Jon asked Sal about the bracelet he got that he can't take off. Sal said he likes it and he doesn't think he'll be taking it off. Jon said of course he's not, he can't take it off. Gary asked what he's going to do when he goes through the airport. Sal said he gets stopped anyway so it's just another thing. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked Gary about Scott taking credit for the engineering of Lady Gaga. Gary said that Scott took the credit but the audio engineer was the one who set everything up. Scott came in and said that the engineer gave him the settings. Scott said he didn't have time to enter them though. He said that Chris is the one who put them in. Gary asked what Scott did in his studio. Scott said he was sitting there monitoring the song and making sure it sounded fine. Scott said he made sure the piano got in there and the piano tuner got it all set up. Scott also said that he was emailing about the set up they have there with the microphones and stuff like that.
Sal asked what percentage Chris contributed and what he contributed. Scott said he would say it was 50/50. He said that he has to listen and make sure it sounds right. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about the Wolfie interviews he had to play. He said that Wolfie went to the Blobfest and interviewed people there. They go to see the movie ''The Blob'' and people have too much time on their hands. Howard said he has so many things he'd like to go do and he can't imagine wasting his time going to see Blobfest.
Howard played some audio of the audience running out of the theater screaming to play along with the movie. He said the whole thing is crazy. He said a lot of the people are on SSI and it's annoying that he has to pay for them.
Howard played Wolfie interviewing a guy and asking him to scream for him. Howard cut it off when the guy started screaming. He said it was too early to be listening to that. He said he doesn't like people who yell. He doesn't do that himself so he doesn't understand that craziness. He said it seems odd to him.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie asking a guy why he was there. The guy said he likes running out of the theater. Wolfie asked if The Blob or the Godfather is a better movie. Wolfie had also found out the guy was gay and Howard said he heard a lot of the guys there were gay from what he heard.
The guy was telling Wolfie about why he likes going to the Blobfest and screaming for him. Howard said his blood was curdling and boiling hearing that.
Wolfie asked another guy who was better looking, the Blob or Howard Stern. The guy said it was the Blob. Howard wasn't so upset about that. The guy was bad mouthing Howard so Howard said that he doesn't care what he thinks.
Howard said he saw that Todd Phillips is apparently fucking Paris Hilton. He said he thought Todd was kind of deep but maybe he's not. He said he's friends with him on Facebook so he was going to ask him what he's thinking. He said he must be just fucking her.
Howard said he loves watching the show and he can't believe Robin isn't watching it. Robin said she hates watching people she can't stand. Howard said he and Beth were going to stop watching the show but then they started and had to see the whole thing. Now they can't wait for the next episode.
Howard goofed on Paris about her talking about her ''brand'' all the time. He said he'd like to know what her brand is. He said he's not sure how much of what they do is for play but her assistant has to go through so much. Howard said that Paris treats her like he's never seen someone treat someone. He said she yells at her and the assistant puts up with it.
Howard said the mother seems to be afraid of Paris. He said she walks on pins and needles with the kid. She wants to be her friend so badly and Paris is just annoyed with her.
Howard told Robin to ask him anything about the show and he'll answer. Robin had nothing for him. She really doesn't care about the show.
Howard said if he didn't work he'd be waking up around 7 and he'd read the paper, fuck around with the dog a little bit, maybe bang Beth and work on his photography and read a magazine. He said he'd have lunch and do whatever he wants. He said that he could have a perfectly nice day. Howard said this guy was telling him he doesn't work enough but he thinks he's working too much.
Howard said he's done this for over 40 years or something crazy like that. Howard said he started out in college radio and that's almost 39 years or something crazy like that. Howard said he doesn't want anymore letters telling him he doesn't work enough. He said he is there doing his job and talking a few days a week. He said he's terrific at it and he wouldn't be there if he sucked at it.
Howard said there are people who get paid and they've put in their time. Robin said that's right and it's hard time.
Howard took a call from Bobo. Bobo said he heard that Fred tweeted something. Fred doesn't Tweet though. Bobo said this guy has over 9,000 followers. It's not Fred.
Bobo said that the guy claimed that Lady Gaga left a blood stain or a bacon strip on the couch. Howard didn't even know what that was. Fred said he's not sure what it means but it might be something left by the vagina.
The caller asked if it would be funny to hire Jackie and goof on him for 5 more years. Howard said he's done with the drama in his life. He will never put himself through horseshit in his life like that. He said he wants to come in and do the show and not have someone counting his money. He said when Jackie left he was upset but once he left he was done. Howard said that Jackie has never worked for nothing in radio and he has no idea what he had to go through himself in the business. Howard said there are guys working for zero dollars. Robin said Jackie just had to sit there and write and he got paid.
Howard said he'd bet that there are radio guys who are falling over hearing that the fucking writer made a million and a half. Howard said he wants to sit back and watch Paris Hilton, fuck his wife and go to work a few days a week. He said he doesn't want to hear it anymore. He just wants and easy day. He doesn't want the drama anymore.
Howard said there was a point in his career where Jackie made them turn off the lights in his area so he wouldn't be on the TV show. He said he let him get away with that for the longest time. Howard said he was trying to do something for the guy and he was just messing with them. Howard said he eventually wised up and learned.
The caller said he thinks the show has been fantastic lately. He said he's the best interviewer ever. Howard said he's looking forward to Bree Olson coming in today. He said he thinks that she'll tell it the way it is. Robin said there are a lot of questions there. Howard said they'll find out when she comes in.
The caller said that the fans who hate so much on SFN are doing it because Howard has set the bar so high. Howard said he's not sure why the fans hate him so much. He said he gets shit for so much.
The caller said he thinks Howard deserves more time off and he's doing a great job. Howard thanked him for that. He said he likes that Boston accent that the caller, Tommy, had.
Howard read a note that someone put on the computer. It said ''Fred just had a heart attack.'' Howard wondered what that was. Will said it was a joke for when Fred heard what Jackie was making. Howard said Fred is doing just fine and he doesn't need to have a heart attack over that. Fred said that he remembers Jackie negotiating and the smug look he'd have on his face when he'd come back to work after walking off the show. He said he doesn't miss that.
Robin said that Jackie would just not come in at times and he wouldn't bother telling them when he would be leaving. Howard said the whole thing was weird and he doesn't want to put up with all the nonsense anymore. Robin said he had a whole attitude that got really ugly.
Howard said the new year's show is what did it for him. He said he had a lot of pressure on him and he was creating work for everyone and Jackie started bitching that he didn't have champagne in his room that night. Howard said he wasn't a drinker at the time and he didn't think of it. Jackie was the only one complaining about it too. Howard said Jackie doesn't think of anyone either. He said Jackie gave his kid a blue night light and he obviously doesn't think about anyone either.
Howard said Jackie is like Megan Fox. He said she's never going to be in any big movies after bad mouthing Michael Bay. He said that's why she's not in the new Transformers. Howard said that people are boneheads. He said that one girl turned down the offer to be on E.R. He said that was a boner move. He said that he knows that girl, Julianna Margulies, and she's a nice person but that was a bonehead move. Robin said Charlie Sheen is a bonehead too. Howard said that's a prefect example.
Howard said he didn't file this lawsuit on a whim. He said he's owed money and they're not paying him. He said it's ridiculous. He said he's not looking for anything that he's not owed. He said he's honest to a fault. Howard said he can't imagine anyone more honest except for maybe Robin. Howard said he's not a their and he's not trying to steal from anyone. He said he came out of Roosevelt broke and he doesn't take anything that's not his. Howard said he believes in that too.
Howard said he doesn't want anything that isn't his. He said he's worked hard for what he has. Howard said everyone is angling in this business. Howard said he doesn't want any pats on his back for doing his job. He said he was hired to do a job and he's doing it. Howard said they asked him what he could do for them and he told them that he could put XM out of business. Howard said that whoever hired him would put the other company out of business. He told them that they'd have to make him a partner in this and that's what they did.
Howard said if he doesn't pull this off then they don't owe him anything. He signed the contract and now they're going back on their word. Howard said this was 7 years ago and XM was the number one satellite radio company. Howard said he told the people at Sirius he could sell a lot of radios. He said he promised them that they would be the only satellite radio company standing when it was over. He said he just wanted to be rewarded for it.
Howard said he wanted to be rewarded but all of those guys walked away with hundreds of millions of dollars. He said one guy walked away with 5 billion. Howard said that he pulled off the miracle and everyone around there forgets. He said if he wasn't there they wouldn't even exist. He said they're a bunch of cock sucking fucks. Howard said they can walk away with their 5 and a half billion dollars. He said it's just horseshit.
Robin said they should go back to talking about Paris Hilton. Howard got back to her and said she has no idea what it is to be a businesswoman. Howard said she somehow got some recognition. He said she's not bright enough to be a business woman. Howard said that he had to be a good business man to get where he's gotten. He said every place he's gone has been a nightmare.
Howard said they have all day to plot against him there at Sirius. He said he can't fucking take it. Howard said they're so proud of themselves when they get the 5 and a half billion. He said the reason he's upset is that he's lied to.
Howard asked if anyone wanted to laugh this morning. Howard said that they're surrounded by sharks. Fred threw in some laughs from Seth Rogen, Maria Menounos, Tim Sabean and Jason. Howard said that they're all workers and they try to be part of management but they don't let him in.
Howard played some audio of Paris Hilton talking about her ''brand'' on her TV show. Howard said she was worried she might be pregnant in this scene. Paris was saying she wants to have kids but she wonders how she can do her music and be embarrassed to go on talk shows when she's got a big stomach. She was worried about her brand. Howard said he was going to call Robin and tell her to tune in to see this.
Howard said he got all worked up by that whole management thing. Howard said he doesn't like doing that. He said he did blow off some steam though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he went to a strip club recently and he had asked if anyone knew Ronnie the Limo Driver. He said that the girls were calling him Ronnie the Midget there. Howard said he has to be lying about that. The caller, Ox, said that's what they said to him and his friends. He said they were laughing at him and they hated Ronnie. Howard said Ox is the guy who said that Lisa G has enormous pussy lips. Ox said that's true too. He said that Robin should go in the bathroom with her and check. Robin said no thank you.
Howard read some notes about who showed up there at the auditions. Robin said Richie is just a camera man there. Howard said that they were asking for more people to send photos into the show to get an audition. Howard said Ronnie and the others were shot for Howard TV and Richie and Ronnie auditioned together.
Ronnie came in and said that no one knew anything about this except him. He said that he Twittered about it back in April and they held an open audition. He said that their auditions were coincidence. Ronnie said he thinks that it went really well for him.
Howard asked Ronnie what he had to do. Ronnie said he was auditioning for the part of a coffee truck driver. He said that he had to talk to the guy about what the rules were for his truck and things like that.
Howard asked Ronnie if he can become a character like that. Ronnie said he thinks he did. He said he got into a fight with Stephanie before he went so that's where he found his energy. Ronnie said the argument was about this job she started but he didn't want to go into it on the air. He said it was really nothing and it was stupid.
Ronnie said he got into it again on the phone. He said they were just arguing. Ronnie said that it actually worked out pretty good when she got him all angry. Howard kept asking what it was about. Ronnie said it's really nothing.
Howard read some more notes about the audition and how Lisa G was going to back out of going. Ronnie said they were going to do it around 8 but they got in early. He said at 6:50 Lisa said that she couldn't make it. Howard said that's a big story that she should have been covering. Ronnie said he doesn't know what happened there. He said that Howard TV covered it. Howard wondered what's up with Lisa G not covering it.
Howard read more notes from the audition and how Ronnie had screwed up the word Epicurean. Ronnie said he kind of did that on purpose.
Howard read that Richie did it as a goof and he's not expecting a call back. Howard said Richie heard clapping when Ronnie was done so he may have gotten the job. Howard asked when they'll find out if he's on the show. Ronnie said he's not sure. He said he heard they were doing the auditions until 2 in the morning.
Gary said he'd have the audio of his audition in about 10 seconds. Howard asked if they told him how much money they're going to pay him. Ronnie said he hasn't talked about that. His agent is going to take care of all of that. Ronnie said he thinks it would be cool to do the show though.
Gary told Howard he had the audio of his audition. Howard played the clip and Ronnie was ''acting'' out his scene with someone. Howard laughed and said ''... the fuck...'' Howard asked if Robin thinks he has something there. Robin said they were clapping when it was over. Howard said Ronnie is a horrible actor. He sounded like he was reading his lines.
Howard played more of the audition and he was doing his lines but it sounded like he was reading and not paying attention to the periods. Howard had to back up the clip and play it again. He missed something he was saying. Howard asked if he really thought it went well. Ronnie said he did. Howard said he's not even saying English words in that clip. Howard said he definitely sounds dopey. Ronnie said they were telling him that's what they were looking for. He said he met with those guys like a month ago.
Howard asked if they gave him the lines before he went in there. Ronnie said they didn't. He was reading it right off the script for the first time. Ronnie claims he was screwing up the words on purpose but Howard didn't believe that. Ronnie swore he was screwing it up on purpose.
Howard said it sounds like they were throwing words in there to screw him up on purpose. Howard said no one has this big of a dialog in a TV show. Howard said that they must be up to something. Ronnie said he doesn't think so. Howard played the end of that clip and he did get applause. Ronnie said he thinks it went alright.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they found someone who sounds truly stupid. Howard took another call and that guy said he sounded like Hank the Drunken Dwarf in that clip. Another guy said that guy was right. Another caller asked Howard to make it stop. He said he's killing us.
Howard had Richie Wilson on the line. Richie said Ronnie had a shirt on that looked like he was ready for the part. He was wearing a shop shirt with the name ''Mack'' on it. Howard said he did look the part. Howard said that was some read. He played more of the read and Ronnie got held up by the script for a couple of seconds. Then Ronnie goes on and on about his coffee truck. Howard said he hopes it works out for him. He said it's really unbelievable.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that was so fucking funny. He said he thinks he could do better than that. Ronnie said he's sure he could. Howard congratulated Ronnie on the audition and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news headlines. Howard asked her why she didn't cover Ronnie last night. Lisa said that she was at home in her sweats and she and Brad Driver had already decided that they weren't going to cover it because they're short staffed. Howard said he's finding out more and more about the sitcom and they're trying to put something together. He said they don't even have a deal. Ronnie said the show is sold. Howard said he heard it's not. Ronnie said that's not what he was told. He said he can't say who it's sold to. It is a cable network and they have a 13 episode deal.
Ronnie said that Lisa told him she would be at the audition. Lisa said that's not what she told him. She said that they were going to try and move the audition up to accommodate him. She said that Ronnie was saying if he was in the Hamptons then she would have shown up. Lisa said they're short staffed so she couldn't go. Ronnie asked why they're short staffed and what she was covering. Lisa told him to take it up with her news director.
Ronnie said he had to be up at 3:15 in the morning but he was still able to make it. Lisa told him to hold it in the Hamptons next time and she'll go. Ronnie said he doesn't know what that means when they're short staffed. He said that Steve just isn't there. It's only one person.
Howard said maybe Brad should have covered it. Lisa said that he's the news director, he doesn't cover stories. Ronnie said he felt that Lisa didn't want to cover it because she had to get up early. Ronnie said she was only a few blocks away and she could have gotten there in 15 minutes. Lisa said she couldn't have made it. Ronnie said it seemed to bother her that it was being held so late. Howard said maybe she put in a long day and she was beat. Ronnie said everyone puts in a long day once in a while. He said that's not what she told him last night. She just said she couldn't make it and wished him luck. Ronnie told Lisa to go on with her news. He didn't want to talk to her anymore.
Lisa also said that she was already in the Hamptons for the story she did on Howard. She was on vacation. Howard said she can skip his stories and go cover Ronnie any time she wants to.
Lisa said they have a story about Scott the Engineer taking credit for the Lady Gaga engineering. She said that he split the credit with Chris Gibbons 50/50 and Chris is saying it's more of a 90/10 split with Scott taking 10 percent. Lisa also said that Sarah, Tim Sabean's assistant, is the one who had to deal with the piano, not Scott.
Howard said Gary told him that Scott told Jared to take care of the piano and he took all of the credit for it. Lisa said that Sarah had to deal with movers, insurance companies and others. Howard said he'd like to get to the bottom of this.
Howard asked Scott if he had anything to do with the piano getting in there. Scott said he obviously had nothing to do with anything. Howard asked if he had anything to do with the piano. Scott said he was there when the movers got there with it. Howard asked why Sarah is saying she took care of it. Scott said he was asking them to take care of the delivery and he was there when they brought it in. Scott said he wanted to make sure it was in there and that they were all set for Monday.
Tim was in Gary's office saying that Sarah is the one who set it all up. Scott said he's a sound engineer and he doesn't do the paper work. He was there for the set up of the piano. Scott said that he deserved the praise he got from Howard. He said he was part of the process.
Robin asked Howard what needs to be done to make the Lady Gaga performance get on the air. She said the piano has to be mic'd, she has to be mic'd and they have to have a sound mix. Who did that? Howard said he complimented Scott on it but Chris did it. Scott said that he was at the board making changes to what they were telling him to do. Scott said it was a team effort. Scott was in on it so he's taking credit. Robin said he didn't say it was a team effort until now. Scott said it's not like he didn't do anything. He did some things. Robin asked if he set up Lady Gaga's microphone. Scott said he did not.
Gary said that Tim was saying that Scott is the kind of guy who offers to come and help you move but all he does is hold the door. Scott said Tim thinks that he does nothing around there.
Scott said he did his job well as far as he's concerned. Howard said he came by and gave him a sincere compliment. He said it still stands but all hell breaks loose when he does that. He said he has to stop complimenting people there.
Howard said the sound for Lady Gaga was terrific. He said he did a good job and it was his best work ever. Howard said he usually doesn't say anything. For once he did and now that started a whole problem. Scott said it started a problem with other people. He said people think he doesn't do anything there but he does. He said he multi tasks there. Howard thanked Scott and let him leave.
Lisa said they spoke to one of the guys who helped Robin out of the water when she had her Kayaking incident. Lisa said that he felt good helping someone in need that day. Howard thanked Lisa for her update but she told him not to thank her. They went to break a short time later.
Scott came in and said that he doesn't hate Tim. He said Tim seemed to be trying to say that he doesn't do anything there. It had nothing to do with what they were talking about. He said he's not sure why Tim was starting in with him. Howard said he thought they had something going on between them. Scott said he has nothing going on. He said he knows that they think he doesn't do anything there but he does. Howard said Tim did say he's good at holding a door open when people move.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has to defend Scott a little bit. He said he's been there so long.
Howard got in a plug for the ''I'm the Biggest Whore'' contest they have coming up. They're looking for some whores to participate. Howard said you can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard.
Howard said that Rupert Murdoch's wife was with him while he was testifying in front of the British Parliament and some guy attacked him and the wife tackled the dude. Howard said that's the kind of loyalty you want to see when you have a young wife like that. Howard said the guy is 80 and the wife is 42. He said that's real love.
Howard said the great thing about the hacking scandal is that FOX News is having a hard time dealing with it. He said the other day on FOX and Friends they made it seem like they could spin anything there. He played the audio of them talking about the News of the World scandal and they were wondering why so many people were piling on top of it. Howard said they were basically telling people to get over it. Howard said he's mortified over this whole thing. He said you can't just start hacking people's phones and just get over it.
Howard played more of the audio and got some more laughs out of the spin they were putting on the story. Howard said it's kind of like him and Howard 100 News. He said that it's actually worse with Howard 100 News because they put stories on that he doesn't want on the air.
Howard played more of the audio and they were really downplaying the whole thing. Howard said Rupert does employ them so they have to do that. Howard said that we have to protect ourselves from FOX News. He said maybe people are piling on because the law was broken and public officials were involved. They kept talking about how Citi Corp was hacked on FOX News but Howard pointed out that FOX wasn't hacked, News Corp were the ones who hacked.
Scott DePace said that FOX News didn't do anything wrong. He said this is just a way of getting them off the coverage of the debt ceiling thing. Howard said that he can't compare what happened to Citi Corp to what happened with News Corp. Scott said this is in England so he doesn't give a shit. Scott said it wasn't here. Howard said they're saying that it could have gone on here too. Scott said they haven't shown that they do it here. Howard said it could have though. He said they have to investigate but it's the same company.
Howard said that if you're the Prince of England and your private phone conversation ends up in the news paper then something is wrong. Scott said this is all just a distraction. Howard said he would be just as upset if it was NBC that did this. Howard said if a company in England did this he'd still be upset. Scott said that's fine but this happened in England. Howard said they have to find out if it was widespread or not.
Robin said Scott is being silly and naive. Robin said that it's of interest because it's a company that is all over the world. Howard asked Scott if he would mind if they recorded his phone conversations. Scott said it's a big deal but it's not here. Howard said it's a big deal and he would question an entire company no matter who owns it.
Scott said this is just a distraction to get us off of the debt problem. Howard said that's just not true. Scott said that the debt problem is more important. He asked Howard if he knows what the deficit number is. Howard didn't know it but Scott did. Howard said he doesn't have to know the exact number. He knows it's in the trillions.
Scott said he doesn't give a shit until he hears that it was going on here in this country. Howard said that's a pretty narrow view of the world. Howard said he was worried about the nuclear reactor in Japan because the same thing can happen here. Howard said he's concerned about the overseas markets because they could go to shit if they go to shit.
Scott said he just doesn't see how this story affects us. Howard didn't understand how he could not care. Scott said he bets that the National Enquirer does the same kind of thing. Howard said he bets they don't.
Howard said that FOX News has a bias and they're not covering the story. Howard asked Scott if he just heard the clip he played. Scott said they didn't bury the story. He said he believes what they were saying in that clip. Howard said the Murdoch company did the hacking. He said Citi Corp got hacked, they didn't hack anyone. He said that's not the same kind of thing. Robin asked Howard how he can argue with Scott. Howard said she's right and he has to move on. Scott said he's sorry. Howard said he can't have Scott to his house because he's so out of it it's hard to hang with him. Scott said he's too intelligent for Howard.
Howard said Scott thinks he's more intelligent because he knows the exact number of the debt. Robin said Scott doesn't know the name of the family that was hacked.
Howard and Scott went back and forth about the economy when George W. Bush took office. Scott said he was handed a recession but Howard said the economy was good and he was handed a good one. Howard said Scott was rewriting history. Howard said Bush and his people all lied and handed them a bunch of bullshit.
Howard said Scott is nuts. He wants him off the fucking show. Howard said he did a good job directing the Lady Gaga interview. Robin said it must not be that difficult. Scott said that Robin's job isn't that difficult. Robin said she's not talking about her job. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Bree Olson come in. Howard said she started dating Charlie Sheen but she's left him now. Howard said that she's a huge porn star too. Howard said she's beautiful and innocent looking. Howard said his heart was broken when she was dating Charlie. Howard said she won the Biggest Whore contest and at the time she said something about Charlie. Howard played the clip where Bree said that she didn't respect Charlie Sheen and she would fuck him but she wouldn't respect him. Bree got in a bunch of plugs for her web site BreeOlson.com before Howard played it. She asked him not to.
Howard asked Bree about the Charlie Sheen dating thing and what was going on there. Bree said that Charlie was the one who wanted to call her by her real name. She just went with it. Bree said that she was just staying to the side during that whole thing. She said she was taken aback by the whole thing and she was just observing. Howard said he thought she was falling in love with Charlie. Howard asked if he paid her at all. Bree said she didn't get paid. She said she really liked him.
Howard asked how this whole thing started after she said she didn't respect him. Bree said that was a classic example of her giving her opinion before she knew anything about him. She said she's not going to do that anymore. Bree said that she met Charlie at a friend's house and she didn't really know who Charlie was. She said she had heard his name but didn't know much about him.
Bree said she went to meet Charlie but she didn't recognize him. She said she started talking to him and she had to fly out the next morning. They were texting back and forth and didn't fuck that night. Howard said people must have figured she did fuck him but she didn't. Bree said she had met him while the Two and a Half Men thing was still going. She said that he's a good conversationalist. She said that she sat at his kitchen table and just shot the shit with him.
Bree said that she was really busy working and wasn't able to get out there to see him. She said that he flew out to her home town to meet her instead in Indiana. Howard asked what that was like when he showed up. Howard asked if she has her own house or does she live with her parents. Bree said she has her own house out there. She said that she hopes that people know she has enough money to have her own house.
Bree said Charlie loved coming out there. She said he found it very charming. She said that he rarely leaves his own house so it was nice for him to get away. Bree said they made love there for the first time in Indiana.
Howard asked Bree if it's hard to distinguish between fucking and love making. She said she hasn't made love in a long time. Bree said she figured Charlie would be crazy but he was very casual and considerate.
Howard asked Bree if the guys she dates expect her to be like her character in porn movies. Bree said they do.
Howard asked Bree if she was pleased that Charlie was kind of normal in that way. He said that she could have expected him to be kind of wild. Bree said she likes regular sex so that was interesting for her. Robin asked what his favorite position is. She said it's just regular missionary position. Howard said that's his favorite too. Bree said he has a lot of stamina too. Howard said he wouldn't last long. He said he doesn't get how guys can last long. Bree said they used condoms all the time.
Howard asked Bree if there was anything crazy going on like drugs. She said that there was no drug use. She said that he did drink at the time but that was it.
Howard asked Bree about the other girl that was living with them. Bree said they were called ''the wedge'' because they all fit together. Bree said that Charlie told her about the girl who was in the house and he told her that he just wasn't able to get her to leave. She said that Charlie is a really nice guy and he just wasn't able to get rid of that girl.
Bree told Howard that Charlie came out to Las Vegas to see her and he stayed at the big suite at the Palms. She said that Charlie found out that the porn awards were going on so she ended up going to his room that night. She said that she had to go the next morning to work. Bree said that Charlie may have liked that she didn't always stay with him. Bree said she's pretty independent.
Bree said that she had invited Charlie to Vegas for just her. She said that she wasn't really having feelings for him but she did like him. Her friend told her that Charlie really liked her and she didn't believe it. Bree said that it came out that they were seeing each other and that's when the news broke in Vegas.
Bree said that she usually dates college guys. Howard asked if she's ever dated anyone more famous than Charlie. She said that she has but then took it back when they started questioning her about who it was.
Bree told Howard that she was going to go to Japan right before the tsunami hit. She said that Charlie had emailed her and called her telling her to come live with him. She said that he told her he was in love with her and things like that. Howard said it's like frantic love with him. Bree said that she talked to Charlie about the Japan thing and he helped pay for the cancellations for her. She paid off everyone so she didn't lose out on anything. Howard wondered what that cost him. She said it was a good chunk of money. She didn't want to say what it cost. Howard asked if he's bankrupt from all of this. She said he seems to be doing whatever he wants so he must not be broke.
Bree said she got to Charlie's house and she saw Natalie there. She didn't expect to see her there. Then she found out that Charlie had a hernia and a bunch of people came into his house but she didn't get kicked out because she hid. She said that they both started recovering together and that's when they coined the term ''Sober Valley Lodge.''
Howard said that must have taken her by surprise that the other woman was living there. Bree said she had fantasized about a relationship like that so it was interesting for her. Howard asked if she was hot. Bree didn't seem to think so. She said everyone has their own opinion. Howard said it sounds like she doesn't like this woman. Bree said that Charlie once told her that Natalie acted much younger than her even though they were about the same age. Howard said being in that relationship must have been tough. Bree said that she did sleep with the two of them on two occasions.
Bree told Howard that Charlie is all over the place all the time. She said that she can understand when he forgets to tell her things. She said that you'd have to know him to know what he's like. Howard asked if she thinks he's crazy. Bree said no. She said he's not crazy. Howard asked why he self destructed then. Bree said that Brooke came to live there at the house and he had a fantasy about all of his women living together there. She said Brooke came to the Bahamas with the rest of them.
Howard asked if Charlie would fuck her and then fuck Natalie hours later. Bree said she's sure that happened. Howard asked if that bothered her at all. She said it didn't bother her at all. Bree said that she just went with the flow. Bree said that Natalie didn't go down on her. They just focused on Charlie when they were together.
Howard asked if Natalie was jealous of her because she's more beautiful. Bree said she could feel the tension brewing between them. She said it was throughout the whole situation. Bree said that she didn't trust her at all.
Robin asked about going to the Bahamas and if Brooke was expected to take part in the sex. Bree said that she, Charlie and Brooke had some fun. Bree said Brooke was hot. She said that she got kicked out of the Bahamas on the first night. Howard asked if she went down on Brooke. Bree said she doesn't think she went down on her. She said they had some fun playing with each other's tits.
Howard asked when she got laid last. Bree said she got laid a couple of times this week for the first time in a long tine. She said it was a college boy.
Howard asked Bree about what was going on with Charlie and Chuck Lorre who produces Two and a Half Men. Bree said she heard him on a radio show going off on Chuck and she was hoping that he would stop. She said that she asked him to stop doing it but he has so many yes men around him that they were just egging him on to keep doing it.
Howard asked what Charlie said to her. Bree said he would tell her that she was right but everyone else would get in his face and get him amped up again. She said that they cut their vacation short and then the media storm hit and there were reporters there all day long.
Howard said Charlie got a break with that TV show and you'd think he'd be appreciative. Bree said that he was making so much money that he told her he had nothing left to buy. She said she doesn't think it was about money, it was about his pride. She said she can see why he was upset with what was going on.
Howard said Bree saw him self destructing and tried talking to him but it didn't help. Howard asked if she wanted to get the fuck out of the house at that point. Bree said she was hoping that he would come to his senses and stop. She said that she hoped he would kick Natalie out of the house too.
Howard asked if Bree is in love with this college kid. Bree said that she is but the guy is one of those guys who is a career student. She said that's the problem with him. Howard asked if he wants her to stay out of porn. Bree said that it was a lot of work for her to do porn. She said that she's actually missing it now. She wouldn't want to do it as much as she was though. She liked the rush of having the cameras there. Bree said she'd love a mainstream movie deal over and adult film role. She said that she'd be willing to start from the bottom up. She said she would even fuck a producer to get that role.
Howard asked Bree how she met this college kid. She said she met him through friends. He's 26 years old though. Howard said he's like that Van Wilder character. Howard said he should get a job already. Bree said he told him to get one.
Howard said he saw that Bree had left the house. He asked what did it in. Bree said it was that tour that he was on. Howard said that tour was out of control. Bree said that she wanted Charlie to go on Howard's show and he wouldn't talk about it after he did it. She said that he never spoke to her about what he said. Bree said that Howard is the best interviewer and she knows that from being interviewed by other people. Bree said that Charlie was trying to get off the phone with Howard because he didn't know what he was going to say.
Howard asked Bree if any of Charlie's friends tried to fuck her. She said none of them did. They knew that would be a bad idea.
Bree said she had some movies lined up that she had already agreed to do and Charlie didn't want her to do them. She said that he wanted her to come out on tour and be with him instead. Howard said he may have wanted all of them to come out because he was bombing all over the place. Bree said that she didn't think that was the smartest thing for him to do. She didn't say it was a bomb though. Howard it must have made him feel better about the tour when he had all of those people with him.
Howard said Chuck Zito told them about doing stand-up with Charlie and Chuck said he was better than Charlie. Howard asked Bree if she met Chuck. She said she did. Howard said he's surprised that she didn't fuck Chuck. Bree said that none of the people were there for Charlie. They were there to take advantage of Charlie. She said that she didn't talk to anybody on the tour.
Robin asked if she felt awful about the video of her with the kids since child services got involved. Bree said that's one of the things she didn't like because she was being judged for having kids around her. She said she's in porn but if you came to her house you wouldn't know it. She said she doesn't have porn all over the house or anything.
Howard asked Bree if she was surprised when Playboy came to her. She said she was. She said it was so much fun doing it. She said she was sick during the shoot. Bree said that she loves Howard and she has been listening since 12 and this is the only other thing she wanted to do in her career. Bree said it's amazing to her that she's there talking to Howard about being in Playboy. Howard said that it must be hard to resist going back to porn. Bree said that she is trying to hold out and she's hoping something works out.
Howard asked if Charlie was able to make her cum. She said of course he did. Howard said she must not be that easy to make cum. Bree said it's not that hard. Howard asked if they made out a lot during love making. She said Charlie was very passionate. Howard asked if she would ever fuck Charlie again. Bree said she doesn't know.
Howard asked Bree about getting arrested after crashing her car into a light pole. She said that she had a couple of drinks that night but she wasn't drunk. She said that the cops made $20,000 selling her mug shot to the media. Bree said that she was fine after the accident and she turned down the breathalyzer. Bree said they had over 10 cop cars show up at the accident.
Howard asked Bree why she's not with Charlie anymore. Howard said it sounds like she's looking out for him. Bree said it was everything Howard just said and people were making her feel uncomfortable. She said that Natalie was one but she's never said anything bad about her. Bree said Natalie just made her feel uncomfortable. Bree said she didn't know how to leave since she didn't want to make a big scene. Bree said she wrote Charlie a note and left the house. Bree said she told the tour manager that she was gone and she gave him a watch back that he was letting her borrow. She went back to Indiana after that.
Howard asked if she's traumatized by all of that. Bree said she's not. She said she did get a call from Charlie after Natalie left asking her to come back. Bree said she would take it a lot slower if she got back with him. She said she could end up with him again. She said you never say never. She learned that after being on the show and saying that she would never be with someone like Charlie.
Howard asked how many times Charlie would bang her in one day. She said it might be like 3. Howard said he would bang her like 3 times a day.
Howard asked if she had to watch ''Apocalypse Now'' with Charlie. She said that she did once and she saw where he got a lot of his quotes from. She said the tiger blood and the ''winning'' came from that movie. She said it made sense to her after seeing the movie with him. Howard asked if they ever watched porn together. Bree said she never did.
Howard asked if she's getting more offers for work in porn. Bree said she has a very high rate in the business and people can't afford her. She said that she can make very good money but not $100,000 a scene or anything like that. She said the economy has cut that down. She said she does make good money though.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Bree if Charlie liked his butthole licked or poked. Bree said he wasn't into anything like that at all. She said he was a very clean guy though. Howard said Bree must not care about that. She said that she'd really have to care about something like that. Bree said Charlie made it very clear not to go to that area. She said that she would do it with someone she's really in love with. Howard said Beth hasn't done that to him so maybe she's not really in love with him. Then he said that no one would want to go back there. He said it's got to be pretty gross.
Howard asked Bree about sleeping with random guys and found out she's not doing that anymore. She said she really did do it but Howard made her think the last time she was on. She said that he asked her about the STDs and that really made her think.
Another caller asked what Sasha Grey's pussy tastes like. Howard didn't know who she was. Bree said she's on Entourage now. Bree said she adores her and she was her favorite. She tasted fine apparently. Howard asked if she ate Sasha's ass. Bree said she doesn't remember. She'd have to watch the movie again.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's a big fan and he thinks that Howard is jealous of Charlie. Howard said of course he's jealous. He said that the guy has tiger blood. Howard said Charlie was given a gift in life and not that many people have that. He said it's like a dream come true to have a job like he had. Howard said he feels bad for the guy because he had everything and he doesn't appreciate it. Howard said he bets that if he could talk to Charlie he'd admit going off on that producer was the wrong thing to do. Howard said he has always had the ability to work with the biggest shitheads in the business. He said Charlie needs someone to straighten him out.
The caller asked Howard about playboy photographers and if they're really good or do they just have good material to work with. Howard said they are top notch photographers and they can make them look incredible. Howard said some of the girls are natural beauties but some of them don't look that good but the photographers work with them. Howard said they have some of the best photographers in the business. Howard said you can fuck up a good looking woman's picture. He said that people tell him that about Beth.
Howard asked Bree if she's still talking to Charlie. Bree said that she is and who knows what could happen. Fred played a few nutty Charlie clips as they were wrapping up. Howard gave Bree some more plugs and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he missed that Cream song because he was in a conversation with Benjy. He said he was trying to convince him to try some noodles that have no calories. Benjy said they have a pre-made kind that smells like garbage but this stuff he has is incredible. Howard said he's reading about it and it's like a pasta with zero calories. Robin said she's not sure how it can have zero calories. Howard said he missed a cream song to have that discussion.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They spent a little time talking about Bree Olson. Howard said he thought she looked really cute today. He said she's a load of fun for any young man.
Jon also brought up Scott DePace and Howard's argument. That led to Howard talking about it again and saying that the conversation was so ridiculous. He said he can't believe that Scott doesn't think it's a big story. Scott keeps bringing up the debt this country has and how that's the real important issue. Howard said that you can concentrate on more than one thing at a time. Robin told him that he's getting right back into it. Howard cut himself off and moved on to Robin's news.
Howard said they have two individuals in the studio observing them today thanks to Robin's charity. Howard said the woman was very attractive. He asked the guy how he got her. He said he got her young. Howard said she's very sexy. Howard asked if her boobs were real. She said she had a little help. Howard asked if he's a rich guy. The guy said he's not really. He does construction. Howard found out they have four kids. Howard said the wife looks good for having 4 kids. She was 35 years old. Howard told the guy not to let her go. Howard finally asked what their names were. They were Louis and Yvette. Howard said Yvette wasn't even wearing a bra. She said she actually was. Howard asked how that was possible. Howard said she's a hot one and he can imagine her marching around at the PTA meeting.
Howard had Ralph on the phone. Ralph said he saw Captain America and it's really good. He said they did it again with that movie. He said they're tying in for the Avengers movie. Howard said he has to see that movie. He said he doesn't get why they don't send him a copy. Ralph said he has to see it in 3-D. Howard said the studios think he's going to steal it. Ralph said the Red Skull is awesome. Howard said he doesn't know much about the character. He said he bets that he's very handsome though. Ralph said he's not as good looking as Thor.
Ralph said that they're going to be broadcasting from Comic-Con this week on GEEKTIME!. Howard thanked Ralph for the call and let Robin get to her news.
Robin read about Jane Fonda being dogged by protests ever since her protest of the Vietnam war. Robin said now she wanted to sell a product on QVC and they canceled her appearance. They had some alleged pressure from some right wing groups and canceled the appearance according to Fonda.
Ralph called in again and gave Howard a fuck marry kill game. He gave him Thor, Captain America and Iron Man. Howard said he'd fuck Thor, marry Iron Man and kill Captain America.
Howard said that this guy Ed Flesh designed the sets for a bunch of game shows and he's dead now. Howard said that Ed figured out the wheel on Wheel of Fortune. Howard said he figured out to put it on the floor instead of hanging it on the wall. Howard said the guy was an innovator. Howard read about some of the other sets he designed and he did a bunch.
Robin read about a woman who tried to sell her young cousin on eBay. Robin said that she's 19 and she tired to sell the 2 year old for $1,000.
Robin read about a shark attack down in South Carolina. She didn't have a lot of details about that. Howard was goofing on DePace telling Robin that no one cares since we have a budget deficit.
Robin read about Dominique Strauss Kahn and how his case is getting kind of murky. Robin said that he is being charged with raping a woman in France now. Robin said that this reporter claims he raped her during an interview. Another woman said she had consensual but brutal sex with that guy in France too.
Howard read some email about Benjy being in the photo with him and Lady Gaga. Howard said the fans like seeing who's in the pictures with him. Howard read one where the guy said he likes seeing Benjy standing back there looking like a psycho.
Robin read some news about Rupert Murdoch and how he was accosted by someone with a foam pie during his testimony in front of the British Parliament. Howard said they have to stop wasting time with this, we have a deficit. Howard asked Scott if it was okay to keep talking about this. Scott suggested they move on. Robin had some audio of the attack. They played that and talked about the details of that story.
Robin read about some arrests being made in Congressman Boswell's home invasion. Robin said the guy who broke in was holding a BB gun. Robin said they arrested a 19 and 20 year old in connection with the arrest.
Robin read about a chihuahua that kept some robbers from robbing a store. Robin had some audio of the surveillance footage. Robin said the video shows the store owner putting money in the robber's bag and they took off before the guy was done.
Howard read some email about the Lady Gaga interview. He had a bunch of positive feedback about her musical performance. Howard read one where a guy said he was crying when she sang that song. Howard said the guy asked him not to have someone with so much virtuosity on the show again. He's looking for more mediocre guests on the show. another writer said that Gaga gave a different background story for The Edge of Glory and it had nothing to do with her grandfather. Howard said he can't imagine she was lying about it.
Someone in the email called Robin out about her reviews of Harry Potter and True Blood. Robin said that she will say that the first episode of this season's Breaking Bad is really good. Yvette said that she liked True Blood. She said she was also out to see Harry Potter at Midnight. She said she was kind of pumped up and liked the special effects. Howard asked if she wanted to slip into a bikini before giving her opinion. Yvette said she thought she had dressed for Howard.
Howard read an email about Gary coming to his house with fungus feet. Howard said that Gary's feet looked fine. He claims they were cured with laser treatment.
Robin read about how New Jersey Governor Christie is going to let the medical marijuana law pass in that state.
Robin read about Steve Wynn coming out against President Obama and how he's stifled business in this country. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin said that Michael Vick is throwing his support behind an anti-dog fighting law. Howard laughed when he heard that. Howard said Vick doesn't know what to do to prove he loves dogs. Howard ended up doing an impression of Vick talking about how he could prove his love.
Robin said Apple is on a huge upswing with sales of their products. Howard said that he heard about that. He said that guy Steve Jobs is a genius and he loves his iPhone and iPad. Howard said they figured out that you can touch a piece of glass and the computer can feel it. Robin said that their products aren't that great. Robin said they're not as user friendly as he says they are. Robin read more details about Apple's sales.
Robin read a story about Google issuing a notice about how some people will see that their computer is infected and they will be offered a link to help them clean it off their computer.
Robin read about a guy who shot up a pharmacy and how his wife has had her charges upgraded to first degree robbery but not murder. Robin said they could never figure out if she was aware that people might be killed. Howard asked Robin to talk about the debt since she's off the topic.
Robin read about U2 sending good cheer to Nelson Mandella on his birthday. They shot a video tribute for him. Robin had some audio of U2 singing ''Happy Birthday'' to him.
Robin read about the rapper DMX getting out of jail. Robin had some of his song ''My Niggas'' for Howard to play. Howard used to play that on the show very often. Robin said that DMX got out after 9 months in jail for a probation violation. Robin said he's looking forward to getting back to music. She had some audio of him talking about that. Howard said he sang that song and included his whole crew in the song. He played the song which he called ''My Radio Niggas.'' Howard said he was very inspired by DMX. He said he's looking forward to DMX getting back to work.
Robin read about Denise Richards showing pictures of a child that she just adopted. Howard said it looks like she got a white baby. Robin said it took her 2 years to get that child. Howard said he's not sure how that happened. Robin said she could have gotten one sooner if she wanted to.
Robin had some audio of Justin Timberlake talking about his new movie. Howard didn't last long listening to those. He said it's silly to be listening to those clips when we have such a huge debt in this country.
Robin read about the new Smurf movie coming up and how they hope that Eric the Midget will be doing the red carpet interviews. Robin had some audio of Sofia Vergara talking about the voice she plays in the movie. Howard wondered how they hired her to do a voice. He could hardly understand what she was saying.
Robin said that Jimmy Kimmel has John Stamos on his show tonight. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:10am.
Gary said he got so frustrated with Scott that he doesn't want to hang around with him. He said he didn't understand the argument that Scott was having with Howard. He said he made it political and it really wasn't political. Gary said that Scott thinks that it's not that big of a deal when it really could be. He said you can use that logic on a lot of things like the Anthony Weiner story and other things. Jon said that's in this country though. That's what Scott would probably say.
Jon said they'll get into that more later. He went over some other things and said that he wanted to start off talking about Ronnie and his audition. Jon said if he wanted Ronnie he wouldn't ask him to read for the part. He doesn't understand why they would have him read for the part if he basically had the part. Gary said he didn't know he had the part. Jon said that's what he thought Ronnie said. Gary said that he thought they just wanted Ronnie to be Ronnie.
Ronnie came in and said that's what he thought when he met with the two guys. He said when he went there last night they handed him a script. He said he had about 8 minutes to read the script before he did his scene. Ronnie said maybe they just wanted to see what it sounded like. Benjy said Ronnie just being Ronnie is one thing but a scripted show is much different. Jon said he thought he was part of the show already and he's still not sure why he had to audition.
Ronnie said they wanted him to come in and read no matter what, just to make it look good. He said he's not sure if he has the part. He said he thinks so but he's not sure. Ronnie said he was trying to be himself but also be kind of angry. He said he's not angry all the time in his real life.
Jon asked if he was surprised that they asked Richie and Rachel to read. Ronnie said it was an open casting call so it wasn't surprising.
Jon asked about Lisa G not showing up. Ronnie said he thought she was going to come. He said she contacted him in the afternoon. He said she asked if they had moved his time to 6 instead of 8. He said he drove into the city and got there and Howard TV was there to do their shoot. He said he was out of there by 7:30 or so. He said Lisa lives in the city so it wouldn't have been a big deal to get down there. Ronnie said she texted him back and said she wasn't going to make it.
Gary said the news department is short staffed right now and he thought this was important enough to cover. He said that he thinks if it was a Robert De Niro red carpet Lisa would have been there. Benjy said he thinks it's up to the news department if they want to cover it. Benjy said he doesn't understand some of the story and why he was saying that they were going to move him to an earlier time but they canceled it. Ronnie said that it was kind of a ''fuck you'' to him. He said it didn't make much sense.
Ronnie said it made him look like an asshole. He said Lisa made arrangements with the people that she was going to be there. He said that they all had phone numbers to find out of they could come and Lisa just didn't show up. He said he's not sure why she said she was coming if she wasn't going to come. Ronnie said she made a big deal out of it and then she didn't show up. Ronnie said she didn't have to cover it and she could have told him she didn't want to.
Robin came in and said that it hurt Ronnie that she didn't show up. Ronnie said of course it did. He said they kept asking to cover the story and then she didn't show up. Ronnie said he understands that she didn't have to cover it but she canceled at the last minute. Gary said he's not sure why he cares so much. Ronnie said they made a whole story out of it and then walked away from it.
Ronnie said no matter what he says, he's wrong. Gary said he's not saying he's wrong. He said he just seems to be a little upset about it. Ronnie said he is and Lisa didn't need to say she was coming if she didn't want to come.
Jon asked Robin what she thought of Ronnie's read. Robin said it was a cold read and he had no familiarity with the script so she's not sure how he's supposed to do. She said he had no chance if he didn't know what was coming.
Chuck Zito showed up so Ronnie asked him what he would do if the news department did to him what they did to him. Chuck said he'd be upset. Jon told Chuck that they went out of their way to get Ronnie to do the part but now they have him reading. chuck wondered why they would have him read if the part was written for him. Jon said that's what they're all wondering.
Robin said you don't give a guy a script 5 minutes before they do the scene. Chuck said that he has walked out of readings because they wanted him to read something he hadn't seen. He said he worked on Oz for 5 years so they know what they're getting. Robin said Ronnie is so wacky. He got his contact for this show through Twitter. They had to go to break a short time later.
Robin asked if it was really 50/50 like he said it was. Scott said he thought of it later and he was the one who suggested getting a piano in there. He said Gary told him he wanted a keyboard. Gary told him to stop because he didn't want him to look bad. He said Howard is the one who suggested the piano. Gary said that they thought about getting a keyboard instead but they had a discussion about that and they decided on the piano. Gary said Scott isn't the one who came up with the piano idea.
Jon said that Scott was also saying he made sure that the piano got in there. Scott said that he is an audio engineer and he just had to make sure the piano was in there. He followed up on it but he didn't do the paperwork. He said that he was emailing with Jared and making sure it was going to get there. He said he has to make sure it sounds good and the artist is happy.
Gary said that Scott was there with folded arms as the piano was being delivered. He said they have video of that. Scott said that he isn't a mover. He said it was his responsibility to make sure it was set up properly. He said he would have gotten the blame if it sounded like shit.
Jon said the problem is that Scott took the credit for doing 50 percent of the work and it became less and less. Robin said that Gary isn't taking the credit at all and he's the one who got a Steinway in there. Gary said that he got Lady Gaga as a guest. That's something he'll take credit for. He had nothing to do with getting Billy Joel in there.
Jason said that Scott just told him out in the hall that he had Chris Gibbons helping out because he wanted someone to blame if things went wrong. Scott said he was kidding about that. Scott said they have two people that work on the mixing and he's done them before.
Jason asked Scott what he did. He said he wants to know what he did other than watching the piano being moved into the studio. Scott told Jason what he's been saying this whole time. Robin said that Howard gave Scott credit and he didn't credit anyone else who helped out. Scott said he usually does. Benjy said that you don't always have the ability to get into that with Howard.
Robin said Howard would want to know about those people who helped. Jason said there was no 50/50 there. He said all he did was open the door. He said he just wants to know one thing he did to help and Scott isn't telling him anything.
Jason said he was standing next to Scott the whole time and he didn't move during the performance. He said nothing was going wrong but he didn't move. Scott said that all he did was say ''thank you'' to Howard when he said it sounded good. That's all he did. Scott said there must have been a little birdy in the hall or a big fat birdy in the hall who heard the conversation and said something to Howard. Jason said he'd like to take credit for that but he didn't do it.
Robin said she's not sure how Scott is positioning himself on the air making it sound like he's doing these things and everyone else starts screaming. Scott said he didn't take credit. Jared showed up and said that Scott did say he was the one who got the piano in there. He had nothing to do with it. Scott told him to get the fuck out if he had nothing to do with the sound. He said Howard complimented him on the sound and he had nothing to do with that. Jared said he did take credit for getting the piano in there. Jared said Scott emailed him and asked him to do it. He didn't have anything to do with it.
Gary said he has no idea how they got the piano there last time when Billy Joel was in. He said that he was a little bit surprised that Jared was the one who got the piano in there after he asked Scott to do it. Scott told him not to worry about it because he'd take care of it.
Jon said if anyone else got the compliment, would everyone be going this nuts over it? No. Robin said Scott is the one who took credit for the piano. Jared said Sarah was the one who busted her ass the whole two weeks to get the piano in there. Jared said that Scott took credit for it and it was really Sarah who did it. Scott said she did a great job getting it in the building. Scott said he did say it was a team effort. Scott said all he said was two words (Thank you) and this is what happens.
The guys were all goofing on Scott about taking credit over and over for getting the piano in there. Jared said he's taking credit when he really had nothing to do with it. All he did was make sure it was in the studio. Jared said Sarah is new there and he took credit for her work. Jason said he loves that Sarah is a new chick and she is already goofing on Scott.
Jason asked Scott what he was saying about Tim and telling him not to ''go down that road.'' Scott said that all he said was not to start.
Sarah the assistant showed up so Jon asked her if she was upset. She said she did get the piano in the building. She said she didn't tune it or mix it but she did get it in the building. Scott said that he did say it was a team effort. Gary said he sent Scott an email about the piano and he passed it off to Jared and then he had nothing to do with it until he held the door open for them to bring it in.
Gary said he was the one who sent Scott the information about the piano and when it was going to show up. Sarah said she showed the guys where to go and Scott just opened the door. Jon said that Scott wants to take credit for being the supervisor.
Robin said he took credit for the sound. Then he was caught when the sound person said he couldn't take credit. Then he took credit for anything else he could. Jason said he's taking that Scott just stayed out of everyone's way while they got the job done.
Jon told Scott that Chris was really upset about him taking credit. Scott said he thought things were fine with them. He said he didn't say anything on the air about this. It was someone else who said something to Howard about him saying thank you when Howard said it sounded great. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said that when Howard did the replay of Lady Gaga yesterday he said that it was one of the best sounding performances on the show. Gary said Scott didn't take credit for it when he brought it up with him that time.
Jon asked Benjy why he let Howard know about the bag of noodles during the show. Benjy said he knows Howard likes noodles and he thought it would be good for the show too. Gary said that he kind of did it when they were in the middle of talking about the show. Benjy said Howard did ask if anyone had anything else and he figured it was a good time to do it. Benjy said that these noodles are good and he thought it would be good for the show.
Jon brought up Bree Olson and asked Chuck what he thought of that. chuck said that she was talking a bunch of bullshit saying that Charlie had people taking advantage of him. He said Charlie gave her a $150,000 watch and a car. He said that she was leaching off of him too. He said Bree is only on the show today because she banged Charlie Sheen. He said she's getting the perks like anyone else.
Chuck said that she was eating caviar while hanging out with Charlie. She said that she walked right by him when she came out of the studio today. Chuck said he wanted to go in and refute all of the bullshit she was saying. Gary said that the clip they played of her was from a year ago though. Chuck said he knows that but those words did come out of her mouth at one time.
Jon asked Chuck about Charlie and how he claims he was there to weed out the people from his life. Chuck said he's been with Charlie for over 25 years and he hired him back for this tour that he went on. He said Charlie is the most generous person he's met. He said that she was taking advantage of him. He said he's not sure that she'll be back in his circle and she's a gold digger just like everyone else. He was pissed at Gary for not letting him say that to her face. They ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard said this hyena, bitch, no talent Sally Jesse Raphael did this show and every time Robin was up there she was titled ''I hate my own race.'' Robin was just there to promote her book. She never said she hated her own race. Howard said the interview was in a one on one fashion and she was asking Robin about him being a racist. Robin told her to discuss it with Howard. Howard said that was the right thing to say. Howard said Robin doesn't know what's in his heart. Howard said he loves everybody.
Howard said Sally has some mug on her. He said she came out looking worse after plastic surgery. Howard said she's like a pig squared. He said that she's a pig and a beast. He said she has craters on her skin and she looks hideous. He said that's why drugs were invented. He said that they had to invent booze so her husband could get it up.
Howard said Sally was talking to Robin about broadcasting and things like that too. He said he hates all of these interviews because they talk to Robin about being black and whether or not he's a racist. Howard said they never used to discuss this stuff. Howard said Robin warned him that they were going to be talking about some stuff that would surprise him. Robin said everyone tells her about her race and she can never forget about that.
Howard said Robin had a conversation with Sally and it was a nice interview. He said anyone who was black would have some racial pride. Howard said it was going well and it was fun. Then Sally had a list of questions she wanted to ask but she didn't have the balls to ask them herself. Howard said he has the balls to ask them himself. Sally packed the audience with people who would ask her the questions instead. Howard said Sally went to a black woman in the audience who started in with Robin and got her all riled up. Then they put that ''I hate my own race'' up on the scree and this woman in the audience was trying to set her straight.
Howard said they went to commercial and showed Robin and him on the air and they were just doing something that most broadcasters can't do. He said that these people like Sally Jesse are just ripping off people like Phil Donahue. He said that they could be replaced at any second. Howard said she is no better or worse at it than anyone else. He said she has never done anything to touch people or reach millions of listeners. He said that she has to put on a carnival barker costume and get the lowest common denominator to watch. Howard said there are a bunch of shows like the Montel Williams show and he does nothing for a living. Howard said the guy is a motivational speaker. That's no way to make a living. Howard said it's the same with this Charles Perez guy.
Howard said they lined up that first woman to yell at Robin and then they had a guy doing it and he had no idea who Robin was. He said he was getting coaching from his buddy in the audience. Howard said the guy was all over the place. He said this Sally Jesse is a skeeve coward. He said he's lower than any of them. Robin said she was supposed to be set up as an expert but they set her up to be someone who hates her race. Howard said he hates Sally. He said she's trying to pawn herself off as a Puerto Rican but he doesn't believe it.
Howard said he would have walked right off of that show if he were Robin. Robin said she just sat there and thought about how she didn't want to just walk off. She said she's better than that and she can't let this run her life. Howard said it was a set up. Robin said she knows it was.
Howard said this isn't the first time Sally has tried to pull that on them. Howard said the whole thing was a goof and she's a no talent. Howard said he hopes she dies of cancer. He said he's glad that her plastic surgery failed. He said that she must be all craterie up close. Robin said she has to cover up with a lot of make up. Howard said he wishes that the National Enquirer would print some pictures of her without make up on. He said he really does hope she gets cancer. Howard said she's a piece of garbage and a snail. He said she's nothing but a leach to the human race.
Howard said he'd like to get that pig in there so he can talk to her. He said she's a beast master and a filthy piece of human garbage. Fred played some pig squealing sounds while Howard was doing that. Howard told Gary to pick up the hotline. He could see it was ringing. Howard said maybe it's Sally Jesse calling in. Gary told him it was Richard Lewis. Howard didn't want to talk to him right then.
Howard continued to go off on Sally for setting Robin up like that. He said she packed the audience with black people who could barely speak. Howard said it was such a set up. He said she's a filthy, lying dirt bag.
Howard said he has more respect for hookers than he does for Sally. He said at least they're honest about what they do. Howard said she's a hypocrite. Howard kept calling her a pig. He said she's filth and her hands are filthy.
Howard said Sally is a 3 bagger. He said her husband needs to put 3 on to make sure that he doesn't see her face. One to cover her up, the second to cover her in case the first rips and the third to make sure you don't see any of that. Then you need a fourth to puke in.
Howard said he can imagine her going to court and the judge asking for a bag to cover up her face. Howard imagined her going there to sue her plastic surgeon. He said it would make a great movie.
Howard went to break. After an edited out break Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Robin on Sally Jesse. Howard said they aren't calling her Sally Jesse anymore. He said that she's a pig. He went off on her for a couple more minutes talking about how she doesn't have any thought provoking thoughts. He said if she dropped dead tomorrow she'd be replaced in 5 minutes. Howard said she can't even have a conversation and get people to tune in. He said he'd be there dancing on her grave if he could. He went off on her being a liar and going over the stuff he had gone over earlier. He said her new name is Sally Jesse Rapha-hole. He said that the producers of that show are the people who are making it what it is. Sally has nothing to do with it.
Howard said he had a horrible experience watching that show. He said he only watched it because Robin was on. He said he bought a new TV recently and he was watching Robin on this new TV. Howard said he thought he had to adjust the set when he saw Sally. He said he was adjusting the color and the picture and then he went to his other TV and the same thing was wrong. He said he realized that it was Sally's face. He said his arm was hurting from adjusting his TV. He said he took the TV apart trying to adjust the picture tube. Howard said he wanted to apologize for yelling at the people at Cablevision. He said he couldn't believe that his set was broken. Howard said they shouldn't allow her on TV. He wondered what would happen if his kids saw that. He said he needs a bag for his TV set. He said they should sell bags so you can bag your TV when you watch her on TV.
Howard went off on her for a few more minutes. He said that they have to use robotic cameras on her show because if a guy sees her he turns to stone. Howard said if he was the make up person on the show he'd kill himself. He said that he'd have to use a 10 foot pole. Howard wondered if they have a make up person who gets credit on the show. He said he has to watch and see if anyone is brave enough to take that credit.
Howard said he wanted to break his TV set watching that show. He said he hopes someone brutally murders their kids soon so Sally can make a show out of it. He said she can take her road show out on the road. Howard said that she doesn't have a thought in her head. Howard said she should be in his next movie about Frankenstein's Bride. He said that they should call Mary Kay cosmetics and see if they can get a truck down there to make her over.
Howard kept going on and on about Sally and how awful her show is. He was calling her a freak and going off on her about the surgery she had on her face. He wished anus cancer on her and said he hopes that her whole rectum falls out in the toilet. Howard said they made a movie about her face called ''Under Siege part 2.'' He said she's a dog. Howard said they could feed Spanish fly to a rapist and even he wouldn't touch her. He went to break a short time later.
Howard Talks About His Parents. 07/21/08. 7:20am
He let the caller go and then played a prank call the guys made to a gay phone sex line using Howard talking as his mother.
Howard talked about being with his parents yesterday. He said that they're getting old and they have stairs and stuff in there and they walk up and down them and don't realize how old they are. He said they look like they're going to fly off the steps when they're using them. He said he wishes they weren't in that house. He'd like to get them out of there. He said his mother started in with his father about the wedding and what he was going to be wearing to it. His father was saying that he has beautiful shirts and he didn't need a new one. He said he looked at them himself and they were just fine.
Howard said that his mother is getting all dolled up for his wedding thing and it's not even going to be that fancy. He said that he blessed his father's shirt and said it was fine. He doesn't even have to wear a tie. Howard said his father is super organized and his mother is driving him nuts. He said that the guy is almost 90 years old and he's being dragged to the store to get new shirts.
Howard said that his mother used to take him out shopping and would buy him slacks and stuff. He said that he would never buy that stuff on his own and she'd help him out. He said that she would pick out the ugliest slacks that were a red color.
Howard said that he was starting a job when his mother helped him get those slacks. He talked about how he lied on his resume to get that job. He said he claimed that he was a math major but that wasn't true. He spent a few minutes talking about that and how he could make a resume something out of nothing. They had to go to break after that.
Various Phone Calls And Other Stuff. 7/21/03. 7:25am
After the break Howard took a call from a woman who was in Germany. She said she was listening to the show over the phone. Howard mentioned Hitler and ended up talking about him for a short time. Howard said that people are saying that Kobe Bryant can't be a spokesperson for products now because he may have raped someone... but Hitler started the Volkswagen brand and they don't have a problem selling cars to people so why should Kobe be a problem. Howard and the guys goofed around with the woman on the phone for a couple of minutes. They were talking about how ugly the German language is and goofed on some of the words that they found amusing. The woman mentioned the German word for ''beetle'' which led to Howard and Artie goofing on that for a short time. Howard eventually let the woman ask her question. She wondered if there's any way for her to hear Howard's show on the web or anything like that. Howard said he's planning on broadcasting to Germany because they have such a great sense of humor. He and Artie had some fun with that and joked about how they'd be asking for more ''nig*er jokes'' over there if he was broadcasting to them. Howard's German accent sounded more like a Mexican accent so he was goofing on that as well. Howard told the woman, Anna, that he had no plans to broadcast to Germany or over the web. He said she could try and find a station to broadcast his show but he doubted that the show would go over well in that country.
Howard took a call from a guy who was joking about how he shouldn't be bashing the Germans. He then said he lost a relative in the concentration camps during World War II... because he fell out of a watch tower. Howard seemed to find that kind of funny.
Howard talked to Scott Einziger from E! about the temperature and how they have to get there 2 hours early and turn it down. Howard said it won't cool down in there for a few hours. He said Ralph told him not to take off his vest but he has to because he's so hot. Howard said he thought they ordered some new air conditioning for this studio.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that the temperature was set where the marks were at. Gary said it was actually way above. Scott claimed he checked it but Howard didn't believe him. Howard said he wants the Gary puppet to come in and talk to Scott's wig.
Howard said that Scott the Engineer is in charge of the air conditioning and Scott Einziger is in charge of checking his work. Howard said he wants to work Scott's wig like a puppet. He said he's going to have that talk to the Gary Puppet. Howard had the guys pull up Scott's wig and hooked a fishing pole up to it so he could raise it up. That took a couple of minutes. Ralph was the one trying to get it working. Howard told Ralph not to hook it up, just work it manually. Then they got it on and Howard did his thing.
Howard said this was Scott's wig talking to the Gary puppet. Howard did his Scott impression and moved the wig up and down so it appeared that the wig was talking. Fred worked the Gary puppet and did that for a couple of minutes.
Don Rickles Stories And Audio Clips. 07/21/05. 6:00am
Howard said that Gary went out and got a copy of ''Dirty Work'' after hearing the story that Artie told earlier in the week about Don Rickles goofing on him and calling him a ''baby gorilla'' at one point. It was a line that he improved for the movie and everyone found it to be really funny. Howard said he wants to watch the movie if that's how funny it was. Artie said there are a lot of people who like that movie. Howard continued on and said that Bob Saget directed the movie and couldn't get Rickles to do what he wanted. Howard has seen the scene where Rickles calls Artie a baby gorilla and it comes out so genuine. He played the audio from that scene and got a few laughs from it. Artie said that Rickles was coming out with lines like that through the whole scene and they didn't know what he was doing. Artie was able to hold in his laughs but Norm MacDonald was unable to hold back and laughed through every scene they shot. They had to acknowledge the laughter so Don asked Norm why he was laughing at one point. Norm says he found it funny when he was talking to his friend's belly.
Artie told a story about this one kid, Darcy, who worked on the movie and didn't know who Rickles was. Rickles was goofing on him on the set and Darcy had no idea who the guy was. Artie said that Rickles was doing an effeminate voice and saying his name over and over. Artie said Rickles once told him ''You were good in that scene, good luck in construction.'' Howard had to take one last listen to the scene that he'd just listened to. Howard, Artie and Robin were laughing pretty hard during the minute long clip. Artie said he and Norm tried to figure out what Don was talking about during the scene and it made it even funnier. Rickles tells Artie that ''Baskin Robins called and said that they're down to just 5 flavors'' thanks to him. Artie told Howard that in the movie their revenge on Rickles character by putting gay porn in his theater.
Howard said he had Don Rickles on the show one time and he was all serious and down while he was on. Howard later heard that Don was intimidated by him and that's why he doesn't do the show. Artie said that during the movie shoot, Bob Saget would give them notes between scenes and Rickles would say ''Wait a minute, wait a minute... I'm trying to forget Saget's notes.'' Howard told the guys that John Stamos claims that he hangs out with Rickles. He doesn't think that makes much sense and can't imagine that his stories are true. Artie remembered that Norm wanted to get Howard to play the devil in the movie but he turned it down and Adam Sandler ended up playing the part. Howard remembered getting the script and not being able to make much sense of it.
Artie said that when Don met Bob Saget for the first time he said to him ''I just told Marty Scorsese that Bob Saget is directing a movie, the man grabbed his chest.'' Howard remembered how down Rickles was when he was on the show and kind of blamed Fred for staring at the guy too much. Howard said he didn't expect to spend that much time talking about ''Dirty Work.'' Artie remembered going out with Norm MacDonald to promote the movie and how he wasn't all that thrilled to do it. Howard had to take a break after that.
Gary came in and said that he didn't listen to it to hear if it was okay. Howard told Gary that he has to listen to this stuff. Gary said he counts on Scott to listen to them for the quality. Howard said Scott can't be trusted. Gary asked why they have him then. Howard said he's not sure.
Robin said that Gary was supposed to listen to all of the new production. They discussed that in a meeting.
Howard asked Scott what happened there. Scott said he was listening to it loud and he didn't notice when he heard it. Howard laughed when he heard his explanation. Howard said Scott plus Gary in his life is misery. Howard said he can't be that smart. Gary said Scott listened to it for quality. Howard said Scott is obviously retarded. He said he's worthless. He can't even argue that with him. Scott said it's Howard's show and he always wins. Howard asked Scott if he's worthless. Scott said he is. Gary said he's worthless too then. Howard said that Scott is going to give him the new production from now on and he'll listen to it in his car on his way to and from work. Howard said he just wants to be able to hear what's being said. He said he'd get a dunce cap but he only has one.
Howard said he's not sure what goes on with Scott back there. Scott said he must be lost. Gary said he has an assistant back there now too so he's not sure what the problem is. Howard said Scott is really a beaten man. He was just caving into everything he was mentioning.
Howard said Scott caved in and said that he won't argue because it's his show and he always wins. Howard said he tries to make this all into a joke but it's really not funny. Howard said Gary needs to make sure everything sounds okay. That's all he's asked him to do. Robin thought he was supposed to check everything daily. Gary said it wasn't every single thing that he was supposed to check. They were all laughing at Gary as he was yelling. The Gary puppet was there and cracking them all up as Gary was talking over his mic in his office.
Arnold told Howard about how he was shooting his own stunts in this movie. Howard said Arnold is a real man and he could never do anything like what Arnold does. Howard said he's too much of a pussy to do that stuff.
Howard said that he doesn't understand why Arnold married Maria Shriver. Howard said he was getting all the women he wanted and he didn't need to get married. Arnold said he met Maria in 1977 and he's been with her for a long time. He said that it was casual for years but the relationship grew over time. He said that he has the ultimate respect for her and she's the greatest wife and a fantastic mother. He told Howard he's totally in love with her. Howard asked how many housekeepers he has. Arnold said it's just one. Arnold said that Maria does some housework herself. He said it's incredible how she whips that place into shape.
Howard told Arnold he would have banged Jamie Lee Curtis on the set of that movie. He said he must be tempted all the time. Arnold said that Jamie is very sexy and she's a great actress. He told Howard about shooting some of the scenes and how he had been shocked to see her stripping in front of him. He said that he had James Cameron yelling at him for accidentally dropping the tape recorder when he saw her stripping.
Arnold told Howard how the movie deal worked for this one and how some of the people don't take a salary. they take a percentage of the movie instead.
Arnold told Howard that he has heard from more people about ''true Lies'' after Howard talked about it than any other show. He said that it's really amazing how many people heard it on Howard Stern. Howard gave him some applause for that. Howard said he has to kiss Arnold's ass now that he's kissed his. He said he loves the food at Planet Hollywood. He said his shirt is beautiful too.
Howard had Ralph come in and tell him what happened at the movie last night. Ralph said he went and he thought the movie was great. He said he was amazed. Howard told him to shut up already. He said everyone hates him. Ralph said he and his friends went to the movie and they were all stunned. Ralph said if you can see a movie this summer that's the one to see.
Howard said the most stunning thing is that they took Tom Arnold and turned him into a star. Arnold said that was James Cameron who wanted to do that. Howard said he wanted to hate Tom but he liked him in the movie. Howard said he doesn't like the guy and what he and Roseanne have done. Arnold said that's just what he's hearing in the media. He said he's not a bad guy.
Arnold said that Tom was the funniest guy that came in and his acting ability is great. He said that they were right going with him for that role.
Arnold told Howard about the next movie he's working on where he plays a man who gets pregnant. Howard said that sounds pretty funny.
Howard asked Arnold about who he hangs out with. Arnold said he got to hang out with George Bush and he stays in touch with him. He said he has many friends. He said he still has friends from the body building days. Howard ended up lifting up his shirt and showing off his work out body. Arnold said he had good rear deltoids. Howard said he knows he's a mess. Arnold told Howard not to pose for him again without oiling up. He said he has to pump up first, then oil up and then pose.
Howard talked to Arnold about what Maria wears around the house. Arnold told Howard she has a great body and she wears nice things.
Howard talked about how strong Arnold is and how well hung he is. He said that when Maria sees him she must go wild. Howard said he's a muscular billionaire. Howard said he'd love to be in that position. He said he's married to a Kennedy and he has more money than the Kennedys. Arnold said he isn't more popular than they are. He said they are a big name and they will always be a big name.
Howard asked if he's gotten to hang out with JFK Jr. and Darryl Hannah. Arnold said they do come over to the house sometimes. He said they come over and swim sometimes.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Arnold before he had to get out of there. Howard let Arnold go and talked about what a great life the guy must have. They went to break a short time later.
Benjy The Intern Interviews. 7/21/98. 8:25am
Benjy the intern was out interviewing washed up actors at some toy show. The first interview was with the woman who played Marilyn on ''The Munsters'', Pat Preist. He started off by asking her if she was Barbara Feldon. She yelled out who she was and Benjy continued his interview. He asked her a bunch of questions about Fred Gwynn who played Herman Munster. Then he moved on to the hardball questions. He asked her how many dates a woman should wait until anal sex is introduced into a relationship. That question didn't go over too well. Benjy then asked her questions about Rosie O'Donnell. He asked her if she thought Rosie's had the fattest head. ''Marilyn'' said she doesn't know Rosie so she's not sure but then said that she thinks that the head is in proportion to the rest of her. That was about it for her.
Linda Harrison was next up. Linda played the woman in ''Planet Of The Apes'' who didn't talk. Benjy asked her ''Who are you?'' and if she was paid for her role in ''Planet Of The Apes''. She went along with them but when Benjy asked her ''Why do the Arabs hate the Jews?'' she didn't want to answer. Then he asked her if she allows herself to be photographed while on her period she said ''CUT!'' and that was it.
One of the bigger attractions at the toy show was Batman Adam West. Benjy asked him a few questions and Adam just droned on in his monotone. There weren't any good questions to piss him off.
Minot Kelly, a woman who models for comic books or something like that was next. Benjy asked her ''Who are you?'' and if she allows herself to be photographed while on her period. She said that she doesn't have a period because she works out so much. Then she ended the interview.
B-Movie actress Debbie Dee was asked ''Why do the Arabs hate the Jews?''. That led to her talking about how the Christians and the Jews don't get along. She said that Jews are very materialistic and that's what makes them good business people. Benjy then asked her a couple of trivia questions. She said that a triangle had 2 sides. She said three at first but then thought about it and changed it to two.
The final interview was with Jimmy ''JJ'' Walker. Benjy asked him to say his famous line ''Dynomite'' and the guy went nuts and had Benjy kicked out of the event. Benjy yelled out a few more questions but Jimmy didn't answer.
Wendy The Retard Vs. Andrea Miss Howard Stern. 07/21/05. 8:25am
Howard came back from break and said he'd just gotten done eating his lunch, at 8:25 in the morning. He said he won't eat again until about 6 o'clock at night. Last night Beth made him some meatballs and he ate about 20 of them. He should only be eating about 4. Howard quickly moved on to bring in Wendy the Retard and Andrea ''Miss Howard Stern'' so they could compete against each other in an intelligence contest. He said Andrea was looking good with her big boobies. He said he heard that she's been drinking a lot lately. Andrea said she's 22 years old and she can drink if she wants to. She wants to have fun while she's young. Howard heard from the guys that she's been getting depressed out there talking about how she'll probably end up doing a porn movie and then kill herself. Andrea told him that she's just joking around. Howard heard that she was dancing at Scores the other night too. Andrea said she's embarrassed by that but she needed to make some money. She said she needs to save money for when she gets older and needs a face lift. Andrea kept saying that she's 22 years old and she wants to have fun.
Andrea said that she's not a retard but she's not able to think when it comes to this intelligence contest. She's scared that she's going to lose to Wendy the Retard and she would be ''ruined'' if that happened. Howard told her that the prize for the winner is $5,000. Wendy the Retard came in after that and said that she's letting her hair grow. She colored it last night and it was reddish purple instead of brown. Howard asked her if she could beat Andrea in this contest. Wendy is very confident and said that she went to a regular high school and a special school when she was growing up. Andrea was stripping down while that was going on because she was hot. Wendy told the guys that she just turned 25 years old. That led to Howard asking her if it would be legal for him to have sex with her. Wendy thinks that it would be fine. She also told Howard that she wanted to say hello to her brother who is in prison for driving someone's truck without their permission. Howard asked her if she's still a virgin. Wendy said she is still a virgin and didn't have sex with Gary the Retard like Andrea thought.
Richard asked Howard if they could get the girls into bikinis for this contest. Andrea didn't want to do it but Wendy was willing to. Howard figured they'd pass on it today since they didn't have the E! cameras there anymore. Gary said he thought he heard Andrea say that she'd take her top off. Andrea didn't say that and said it would take a whole bottle of Petrone to get her loose enough to take it off on the beach. Howard wondered if Wendy could do a lap dance. Andrea was willing to teach her but Howard went Benjy over to get one from her. Benjy sat on the couch and Wendy gave him the lap dance. Howard wondered why there was no TV camera there for that. Wendy tried to go in for a kiss from Benjy but he turned away. Howard told her that she shouldn't do that. Andrea warned her that she could get herpes doing that. Howard had Andrea give Benjy a lap dance as well and she was good according to Howard and Artie. Benjy said she was good with the knee.
Howard moved on to the game. Andrea was scared and wanted a lifeline to help her out. Howard wouldn't give her one though. Here are each of the girls questions and answers:
The caller Howard had on the line asked him if he was doing 4 or 5 days over at SIRIUS. Howard told him that he's doing 4 days but they have something planned for Friday's when they make the move over there. He said we'd learn more about that when he makes the move. Howard started to wrap up and asked Wendy if she could point to her shins. She pointed to her chin. Howard asked Andrea to do it. She pointed to her elbow. Wendy went on to tell Howard that she's been on a diet and is down to about 185 pounds. She was up over 200 before the diet. Howard had to end the segment but Wendy and Andrea kept going on and on about a bunch of nonsense. Andrea didn't want to leave so Howard told her the only way she could stay is if she was naked. Andrea said she'd do that for Howard but not for everyone else. Howard went to break after that.
More About Jackie Showing His Penis To KC. 7/21/98. 9:10am
Back on June 29 Howard and the gang talked about how Jackie had chased KC around with his penis exposed. They spent a little more time talking about it this morning. Howard thinks that it's a little bit of homo coming out of Jackie. This brought up a few more stories about how Jackie tries to grab some of the E! show guys genitals as they walk past him in the hallway. A former intern called in and said he had a similar problem with Jackie. I think Jackie used to grope Robin also. He claims he's just being funny which is what he does best.
Howard said he had another one where a guy sang about OJ killing his wife. Howard cut that one off after a few seconds saying that you get sick of them pretty quick. Howard made up his own songs and said that he should record them too.
Gary asked what would happen if he was found innocent and got off. Robin said that OJ could get off and she thinks he will. Howard said he didn't think that would happen. OJ was on the board of Infinity Broadcasting so Howard might have to see him again if he did get off. Howard and Robin talked about the OJ case and how they've had some issues with the evidence.
Howard played some more song parodies and the first one was really bad but Howard had to listen to it. Gary said he had another one and he gave the title of the song. Robin was able to guess that it was to the tune of a Doors song. Howard had figured out the song before that just by reading the title.
Howard said it's amazing that OJ could run through all of that blood and not get any on him but then he cuts himself and bleeds all over his golf clubs.
Howard said OJ is on the board there but he rarely ran into him. Howard said the guy was a great guy when he did meet him. Gary wondered if he would forgive him if he did come back. Howard said the chances of seeing him there again are about a zillion to one. Howard said he had to take a break but Robin wanted to hear more song parodies. Howard played more of the guy singing to the Herman's Hermits song ''Mrs. Brown You've Got A Lovely Daughter.''
Ronnie The Limo Driver's New Tattoo. 7/21/03. 9:15am
After the break Howard said Ronnie the Limo Driver got another wacky tattoo over vacation. Howard said he got a skull and it's an angry looking skull with daggers and stuff in it. He has blood tattooed in there as well. Howard said the woman did a nice job but the skull was very angry looking. Ronnie came in and showed it to Robin. Ronnie didn't seem to think it was angry looking but Robin sure did. She said the skull is wearing an army helmet. Ronnie said he had a t-shirt for years with that picture on it so he wanted it tattooed. He said the t-shirt says ''Born to Kill'' but he didn't have that put on his arm. Howard also mentioned the strange tattoo that Ronnie had put on his other arm years ago. It was a shark with a baby head in it's mouth. Howard told him he should have had that ''Born to Kill'' thing put in there as well. He said Ronnie really is an angry guy.
Howard moved on and played the Kobe Bryant press conference tape to start off Robin's news. Howard and Robin described the scene as Kobe broke down crying as he talked about his legal troubles. Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) also called in with some details he's heard about Kobe. There were some other callers who also had their thoughts on the whole situation.
A woman called in at one point and said she heard that Howard and Beth got married recently so she wanted to know if it was true or not. She said she heard it from someone Howard probably knows but she wouldn't say who that was. Howard eventually got fed up with trying to figure it out so he hung up on her. Howard said he's not married and he's not getting married.
Howard mentioned this story about the guy who recently came out of a 19 year coma. He said they haven't told the guy yet but the daughter he had, who was only 6 weeks old when he had his accident, is now all grown up and a stripper. His wife moved on and got married to another guy and had some kids with him as well. Howard said they'll probably tell the guy about all of the good things before they break that bad news to the guy. Howard said they'll probably tell him about the technology that exists and how there are 100 TV channels and DVDs and stuff like that. Then they'll quickly tell him that his daughter is a stripper. The guys had some fun talking about that for a couple of minutes before Robin started her news segment.
Howard and Gary ended up talking about the ''Mr. Ed'' show and some of the episodes. Howard said that set must have been a nightmare for any animal lover. Howard said he heard that they put glass under the horse's lips to get it to move its mouth. Howard said the lip would itch and it would move them around. They talked about how they got the horse to slide into home base in a baseball game in an episode. Howard said he can't imagine what they had to do to that horse to get it to do that.
The caller said Gary told a funny story about playing the tuba and how it was his lips that caused the problem. Gary said this is the guy who followed him around in an animation gallery once. He said he draws pictures of him in crayon and has him picking his nose and things like that. Gary said the guy was asking him questions with this goofy voice he has. Gary said the guy followed him around for like a half hour. Howard said they laugh like crazy when they see those things. The caller said he sent in a few new ones.
The caller said he has drawn a bunch of things of Gary. Howard said Gary has a whole wall of cartoon art at home. He said he should sneak into his apartment and hang this caller's pictures on his wall. Howard said his whole apartment is full of animation art.
The caller said there was another story Gary told about a woman throwing up in his bed while they were having sex. Gary didn't even know she did it because he was working her from behind. Gary just took her into another room and finished the deed. Gary said they never discussed it after that. He said they were both drunk and young. Howard said he wasn't that young. Gary said they went out a bunch more times after that.
Howard said he knows who that girl was. He told Robin she'd know her too. Robin wanted to know who she was. Howard said he didn't think she was that cute. Gary did though.
Fred played some puking sounds and had some of Gary gagging too. Howard had him play some girl puking sounds with them.
Howard asked Gary about this caller following him around. Gary said all of his pictures are drawn in Crayon so they stick together. He said his version of a cell is crayon on Saran wrap. He said they smell really bad when he mails them in because the Crayon ferments in the envelope.
Howard asked the caller if he did it just to annoy him. the guy said it's fun goofing on Gary. He said it's fun hearing him talk too. He said he says ''Noine'' instead of ''nine'' when you talk to him. Howard said he knows what he means. Howard said he says ''Mare'' instead of ''Mayor'' too. Howard said that's like one of Gary's biggest fans.
Daniel Carver Reveals He's Backing McCain For President. 07/21/08. 7:35am
After the break we heard a prank call the guys made to Gary the Retard using Blue Iris audio clips. Fred also played the Dixie Chicks' cover of ''Landslide'' as they were coming back. Howard came back and got Daniel Carver on the phone. He asked Daniel if he's still a member of the KKK. Daniel said that he's always going to be a member of the white race. He was saying ''wake up white people'' and was very riled up this morning.
Howard asked Daniel if he's still a member of the KKK. Daniel said that he's a lifetime member so of course he's in it. He said that they don't go around hanging people or anything. He said that they do have dues that he has to pay. He said that he's not a grand dragon anymore because he's getting too old for that stuff. Daniel said that the dues are his time that he puts in. He doesn't have to give any money.
Howard found out that Daniel is part Indian so they pointed out that they're pretty dark skinned. Howard said he's going to write a letter to the KKK and get him kicked out if that's the case. Daniel said that they were the ones who found out that he was part Indian when they did a DNA test on him. Howard had forgotten about that.
Howard said that the reason they're calling him today is because they want to know who he would back for President. Daniel doesn't usually vote because he doesn't believe that it would make a difference. Then he started to spew some bible crap and how God may just put Obama in the White House and that's going to curse us and ruin this country.
Daniel said there's nothing they can do about it if God wants to put him in there. He said that of course he's going to vote for McCain. He said that it won't matter if God wants Obama in office though. Howard asked if he ever thought he'd see this day that a black man could get into office. Daniel said that he never thought he'd see it when a black person could drink from the same fountain as a white person.
Howard asked Daniel what he would do if McCain took Joe Lieberman, a Jew, as Vice President. Daniel said he won't vote at all if that's the case. He said that he won't vote for no nig*er or a Jew. He said that he can't vote for either.
Howard asked Daniel what's going to happen if a black man is elected President. Daniel said that this nation will turn into a third world country based on what he's read in the bible. He said that it's going to be a curse that God is going to put on us for not following his rules. He said that's what the Mexican's are to this country and that's why they're invading this country.
Howard said that this Obama makes a lot of sense to him but Daniel said that he makes about as much sense as Martin Luther King. He said that Martin Luther King didn't write his own speeches and Obama isn't writing his own either. Daniel was saying that a black person can mate with a monkey and have babies with them. He said that he's read that stuff in National Geographic magazine. Howard said he didn't know that. Daniel said that every black baby is like a little monkey.
Howard asked Daniel when he became so vicious. He said that he had become kind of nice the last couple of times he was on. Daniel said he hasn't changed, he's just telling it like it is.
Howard said that when Stalin was running Russia he tried to mate humans with monkeys but it turned out it didn't work. Daniel said that it does work and he's read about it. Howard said that he'd like to see that article.
Howard said that this Obama thing must be a big blow to him. Daniel said that it is and he would have voted for Hillary if she had gotten the nomination. He said he didn't like Hillary but it would have gotten Bill back. He said he wasn't a fan of Bill's either but he's better than the two that are running now.
Howard said that maybe this is a good sign for this country. He said that it would show that we can all get along. Daniel said that it's going to be another one of those curses that God puts on us for not following his rules.
Howard said that Daniel never expected this and asked him if he'd prefer a Jew over a black guy. Daniel said that he'd rather have the monkey over the devil, yes. Howard said that it's very interesting that he and his wife are bonded in that hate that they have for these people. He asked if his wife still keeps her black dolls segregated from the white ones. Daniel said that of course she does. He said that everything should be segregated from cows to clothing.
Howard said that he dated a black woman. Daniel said that just proves that he's the devil. Howard said that he even had sex with black people. Daniel asked him if he threw up. Howard joked that he did but that was a fluke.
Howard said that there are a lot of black people out there who are better educated than Daniel. Daniel said that Robin isn't intelligent and she looks like Whoopi Goldberg. Daniel continued to throw out the racial stuff and goofed on Robin a bit.
Howard wrapped up with Daniel and was about to let him go. Artie asked where his wife was. Daniel said that she was at home and he was at work. He said that's what White people do, they work. Howard told Daniel that Robin is dating a white guy, Jim Florentine. Daniel said that guy is a nut. Artie agreed with him on that.
Daniel said that Robin is going to hell for doing that. Artie told Daniel that he's been with a black woman as well. He told Daniel that he's Italian and not black or a Jew. Daniel said they like Italians and even have some in the Klan.
Daniel said that he rode in a car with Artie's mother on their last day at K-Rock. Artie said that he had forgotten about that. He said that his mother and sister rode in a cab with Daniel because they weren't able to get a ride. He said that he's got a picture of the two of them with Daniel and they're smiling like they were meeting a celebrity. They had to wrap up with Daniel a short time later. Howard went to break after that.
Mr. Methane Comes In. 7/21/00. 9:25am
Back in February this amazing talent by the name of Mr. Methane came in to perform some songs for Howard. He amazed everyone with his talented ass flatulence. Today he came in to announce that his album ''MrMethane.com(CD)'' is now available in the U.S. Thanks to Oglio Records, the same company that brings us Jackie the Jokeman's many CDs. Robin apologized to Mr. Methane because when she saw him walking down the hall she burst out laughing. Mr. Methane didn't mind it though. He dresses in a green and purple super hero outfit and it looks pretty goofy. He says he does what Pavarotti does but with his butt. He told Howard that he does a lot of performances over in England for clubs, student unions and even corporate-types. He said that he may be touring the U.S. now that he's hooked up with PegasusConcerts, the same people who book some of the Wack Pack.
Mr. Methane was on the show to talk though. He was there to perform. He warmed up with the ''Mr Methane.com'' theme song and blasted some big farts for us. He then went on to perform a little bit of ''Blue Danube'' and ''It's Flatulation'' which are both on his CD. Jackie said that he was actually ''singing along'' with the songs with his ass. Howard said that people wonder if Mr. Methane can perform without a musical accompaniment. Mr. Methane then went on to perform an a cappella version of ''Da Do Ron Ron'' which blew everyone away.. So to speak. He actually farted the ''Da Do Ron Ron'' parts quite well and at one point he was singing with his mouth and his ass at the same time! Amazing! Jackie said it was like a ventriloquist drinking water at the same time his dummy is talking. Mr. Methane also performed Stevie Wonder's ''I Just Called To Say I Love You'' and blasted some of the lyrics to that song. He wrapped things up with a flatulent version of ''Swan Lake''. He had to use talcum powder to tighten up his sphincter to perform that one. Ann Marie, in the back office, wanted Mr. Methane to perform ''Flight of the Bumble Bee'' like he did last time but Howard could see that he was pretty worn out from all of the other songs. He let him off the hook and brought the segment to a close.
This Date in Howard History was over around 11:45am.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 10:55am.