MarksFriggin.com started logging the show in 1996 so there weren't any show rundowns from any years before that... until Howard got control of the K-Rock tapes in 2006 after moving to SIRIUS Satellite Radio. They started playing some of the older shows on Mastertape Theatre so I typed up some rundowns for those shows. Below you'll find the 1989 shows that I did manage to write up...
Howard started off the show saying it smelled like a bathroom in the studio. He also talked about how he had missed the opening theme song where they had a guy singing along to it. Robin said it sounded like Howard singing the song but when she looked over to see him, he wasn't even there.
Howard wondered if the bathroom smell was coming from his microphone. He took a whiff and asked if Maria had been pleasuring herself with the mic or something. He asked John to bring him in some water and announced that it was Robin's birthday today so he had a bunch of guests scheduled for her. He said it should be pretty exciting.
Howard told Robin the guys all chipped in and got her a gift. Howard figured that he was going to get stiffed out of some money by some of the guys on the show. He said that Gary and Fred might chip in but some of the other guys will stiff him.
Howard said that Jackie always skimps on gifts. He talked about how some of the guys will try getting decent gifts but Jackie can be kind of cheap. He said they hadn't even gotten Fred his gift yet though. He's very difficult to shop for, especially if you forget his birthday. Birthdays are always very touchy around there.
Howard said they have a whole list of things to do on the show today. They may have Sam Kinison dropping by and also a bunch of mystery guests. Gary said their guests weren't there yet but they would be spread out throughout the show.
Howard brought up Sam Kinison and that led to Robin saying that she's not sure that he's so sincere when he says he loves the show. After what he did to them, she's not so sure that he is sincere. Howard said that Sam may be coming by with Bon Jovi but he's not sure about that either.
Howard said that today is the day for Jessica Hahn meets Mr. Ed. He said he spent his whole day working on that yesterday. He took a call a short time later. The caller said that what Howard is doing for Regis' son is really cool and he should keep it up.
Howard had a caller on the line who asked if he really needs to hang out with John Bon Jovi again. Howard said it doesn't matter to him. He pointed out that the band's fan base seems to be dropping off from what he's been reading. The caller also asked if Dice and Sam Kinison get along. Howard said that he thinks Sam has a problem with Dice but he's not sure if Dice has a problem with him.
Howard read some quotes from John Bon Jovi where he was talking about how they're the hardest working band around. Howard was doing an impression of John talking about all of that stuff and goofing on him for a few minutes.
Robin said it was a Sony mini-component system and she was shocked that they got it for her. The guys were saying that they should all throw in a few bucks each to pay for it. Jackie said they should throw in the money in front of her so she knows how much it cost. Howard said he had another gift for her and Fred played some clips of him unzipping his pants and something popping out for her.
Robin said that her birthdays are usually such a disappointment but this one was very nice. Howard joked that they had used some of the telethon money to buy her gift.
Howard said they had a mystery guest there for Robin's birthday. He said the guy is pretty famous and his voice is pretty distinctive so they have to have him disguise his voice for her. Gary and Howard ended up talking about the way they run the office there and how Gary should be able to come up with some better ways to run things there. They went to break a short time later.
Howard told Gary to bring in the mystery guest. He said he's pretty sure that Robin is going to like to see this person. Robin put on her blindfold and waited for the guest to come in. Gary brought the guy in and Howard said it was nice to see him and it was an honor to have him on. The guy was disguising his voice so Robin wouldn't be able to guess right away.
Robin asked the guy if he was in show business but when he spoke again, she knew who it was. It was Darren the Foot Licker. Howard said the guy had kind of grown his hair out like his so he looked kind of odd. Howard said that he's going to cut all of his off if that's the way he's going to look. Howard told Gary to bring in Darren's latest letter that he wrote to Robin.
Howard said that he could see Darren with a ponytail instead of the long hair. Jackie thought he looked better with the long hair though. Robin said that maybe he can date Darren instead then. Howard said that Darren is in love with Robin and he would be willing to lick her feet for her whole newscast if they asked him to. Robin didn't sound so thrilled about that though.
Howard asked if Darren has been working out. Darren said he hadn't been in the gym lately. Howard told him he might want to get rid of the glasses he wears and maybe get rid of the long hair. Howard pulled out the letter he got from Darren and asked him why he doesn't speak in person like he does when he writes these letters. Darren said that he's writing the letter to Robin and not to the whole audience so that's why he doesn't talk like that.
Howard asked Darren to read his letter out loud but he didn't want to do it. Howard started to read it instead. Darren wrote in to tell Robin how much he's in love with her. Howard said that he's in love with Robin's radio personality, he can't know the real person.
Darren said he thinks he knows the real Robin but she said there's no way he could because he only knows her from radio. Howard told Darren that he should have combed his hair this morning. Darren said Gary dragged him in before he could. Howard said the hair looks like black sour kraut. Darren asked Howard what happened to his hair, it looked kind of similar.
Howard asked Robin how long Darren has been after her. She said it has to be about 2 years now. Howard said that he's almost like a stalker because he makes him nervous with his behavior. He asked Darren if he would ever go out and do something like shooting a President for Robin. Howard said Darren really is trying to win Robin over by putting on some weight and growing out his hair. He thinks that he's really in love with her. Darren said that the last year and a half has been one big joke.
Robin asked Darren how he thinks he can know the real her if he's never seen her outside of the studio. Darren said that he's in love with her stubbornness. He seemed to be getting upset and said that this is important to him and Robin doesn't know how it feels. He said that it's fine if they want to laugh at him but that's why he doesn't give up. Howard didn't understand what he meant by that. Darren said that if she doesn't want to spend time with him or get to know him, he can't imagine why. He said that she doesn't even know him.
Howard told Darren that she's a real woman who has a period and gets cramps and stuff. He doesn't know what he's in for. Howard wanted him to read his letter to Robin but Darren refused to do it. Howard read more of the creepy letter that Darren wrote to Robin and even Darren said that he didn't want to read it because of what he said to her in the letter.
Howard was trying to help Darren out by giving him some advice but Darren didn't seem to be taking it very well. Howard told him to go out and get a girl and leave Robin alone. He told him he's a mental case and Robin already has a man, she doesn't want him. Howard said the guy that's with Robin is a guy who has been with a lot of women and he's a super stud so there's no way she's going to go for him.
Howard figured that he had upset Darren when he stopped talking. Darren asked Robin if he wanted him to leave now. Robin said she's fine if he stays there because she didn't want to upset him. Darren asked Howard why he thinks he came down there. He said he just wanted to wish Robin a happy birthday. He said he wished her a happy birthday in the letter he wrote. Howard confirmed that and said he wrote ''Happy birthday sweetheart.''
Howard told Darren he could chip in a few bucks for Robin's birthday gift if he wanted, he was trying to find as many people to chip in as possible. Darren was getting upset and said he just wanted to joke around and have a good time. Howard told him that's because he's too sensitive. He asked if Darren has been masturbating to Robin's picture. Darren said he doesn't have any pictures of Robin so he can't do that. He complained that Howard had never sent him a picture of her.
Howard asked how much Darren would pay for a picture of Robin's feet. Darren was pissed at Howard for making this one big joke. Howard told him that this wasn't a very happy birthday for Robin with him getting so upset. Darren then told Robin how much he cares about her and that he gets upset when he hears her bad mouthing him on the show.
Darren got upset when Robin said some things to him about the way he thinks about her. He sounded like he was ready to kill her when he spoke to her. Howard said that this was like their first fight. Robin told Darren to never go to bed angry. Gary told Howard that they had their next guest there. Darren knew that meant he was going to get kicked out of there. Darren quickly came around and started smiling again. Howard said he's got some wild mood swings.
Howard brought up the date that he set up with Darren and Celeste and that led to Darren telling him to take her and shove her up his ass. He almost walked out so Howard had to talk him down and tell him to get back in there. He said he can be as mad at him as he wants but it wasn't his idea to have him down there. Howard said that maybe some day Darren and Robin would be able to go on a date.
Robin told Darren that he is a very nice young man with a lot of potential. Darren said that meant a lot to him and started to break down as he was talking to her. He said that she never gets to see the good side of him when he's smiling and happy. Robin told him that he was getting very upset about nothing. He got even more upset when he heard that. Robin told Darren that she wants to see him happy but that has to be without her.
Howard told Darren that he looks much better than when they first met him and he should keep working out and all of that stuff. He let Darren go a short time later. He said he thinks that Darren really looks great. He wasn't quite gone yet so Howard told him to go out and sit down for a while.
The guys spent a short time talking about how Darren was going on those wild mood swings and it happened at least 5 times. Gary came in and told Howard that they had their next mystery guest and also another guest who had just shown up unannounced. He said he's not sure how this guest even got in there.
Howard said he can't believe that they don't have TV cameras in there and doesn't know why people don't want to put him on TV. All of this crazy stuff would be great on a TV show.
Howard went through some phone calls and asked the fans what they thought about what was going on. One woman didn't know that she was on the air so he hung up on her. A guy said that was pretty crazy in there when Darren was getting pissed. Howard thanked him for the call and said they had to take a break.
Robin put on her blindfold again and had the guest brought in a short time later. Howard said it was an honor to have the guy come in. Robin asked the guy a few questions and tried to figure out who this guest was. Howard told her that it might not be someone that she'd want to meet. Howard broke the news to her that it was Arthur Gold who just came in to with her a Happy Birthday. Howard said Arthur runs a store and he wanted to come in before going to work. Howard said they called him on short notice and he was able to come in. He brought his wife in with him and Howard thought she was very cute.
Howard spoke to Arthur and his wife for a short time. He told Robin that he tried to bring in all of the big names this morning, Darren and Arthur Gold. Arthur had brought in a gift for Robin so Howard was going to open it up for her since she was in her booth and unable to get the gift. Howard opened it up and found that it was a digital clock radio. Howard said it was state of the art stuff from Arthur Gold. Howard wondered what it was that kept Arthur's wife with him, a big penis or money. She must have given the signal that it was his penis because that's the way Howard took it.
Howard said he heard that Joe is stealing the show while he's out on tour with Ringo. He's been performing Desperado on piano at the shows. Joe told Robin he's got some gifts for her that he'll give her after the show. He told her that she can put on her blindfold and try to guess who he is.
Joe was telling Howard about what's been going on with the tour he's out on with Ringo. Howard thanked Joe for coming in and sounded like he was wrapping up but Joe said he wanted to hang out in there if he could. Howard asked Joe what kind of car he owns. Joe told him about his 1965 Corvette Stingray Fastback that he hardly ever drives. He said he's afraid to drive it and he's hardly ever home anyway.
Howard said that Joe probably has a newer car that he actually drives. Joe said he did have a car that he leased. He said he's hardly ever home and doesn't drive that much either. He would drive that car when he wanted to go out and not be recognized.
Howard asked Joe to perform some stuff for them but they just had a lame little keyboard for him to play. Joe said he couldn't do it right then, he'd have to wait until the next segment. He did perform a little bit of some Who stuff but didn't do all that much. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Pat told Howard about how he doesn't talk to his kids after Howard mentioned the Regis Philbin's son story. Pat said that he supported his kids for 21 years and they were fine with that until they turned 21 and he stopped. Then it was a problem. Pat said his mother just wanted to know where his money was and didn't care about him. He complained about that and told Howard that he shouldn't be so worried about the way his mother treated him.
Pat got into his stories about his mother and how he thought that all she wanted from him was money. He said that his father died about a year ago and he left about $300,000 behind. Pat said that he signed away his rights to that money so they all took their shares and moved on with their lives. Pat said that his father wasn't a wealthy man, he just saved his quarters and dimes and put them into the bank until he had that three hundred grand.
Pat said that his daughter got married about a year ago and she didn't invite him to the wedding, she just left him a pineapple from the wedding. He said that takes a lot of gall. He also said that he was felling the love coming from Howard's mother yesterday when she was on the show. He continued to go off on his family for a few minutes.
Howard and Pat talked about Regis' son a little more and Pat was saying that he thinks that Regis' wife probably wanted to keep the kid, not Regis. He said that some people use those kids to make money. He went off on them and got crazy over a bunch of other things. He had Howard laughing quite a bit.
Howard said he can't imagine what went wrong with Pat and his kids, he seems like a great father. Pat said he would like to talk to his kids on the show and find out what they think. He said he doesn't need those kids and there's such a thing as ''good bye'' and he can say that if he doesn't want anything to do with them. Howard let Pat go off on them for a couple of minutes and then said they had to go to break.
Howard said that Joe Walsh wanted to come back in to play some stuff for them so he told the guys to bring him back in. Joe came in a short time later so Howard introduced him to Pat. Howard said that Joe is on tour with Ringo and wanted to give some tour dates. He mentioned that they were going to be at Jones Beach that night. That led to them talking about how Joe and the rest of the band have a private plane they take when they're flying to their gigs. Joe said they fly on a prop-jet.
Howard got back to Joe and asked him to please perform some ''Desperado'' for them on the Casio keyboard they had in the studio. Joe said he'd see what he could do but they didn't give him much to work with. Joe said he was going to sing the last half of the song and he mixed it up a bit for them. He went into the song a short time later.
Howard thanked Joe for the performance and said that he had brought in a cool tape with him. He said that there are some celebrities on this tape who are losing their minds. Joe said he couldn't really play that one on the air. He said he's not sure where it came from and he's not sure if it's legal to play. Gary said that they were editing down some of those clips so they can play them on the air. He said the Barry White clip is the best of the bunch.
Joe said that he brought in a CD of a band he produced down in New Zealand but he said Howard didn't have to play it today if he didn't want to. Howard said they were going to take a break and then try to track down Pat's kids to get them on the phone. Pat ended up going off on his kids again saying that all they want is money. He said he hasn't seen his son in years and the last time he saw him was when he needed two grand for a carburetor. He said his son looked at him like it wasn't enough money at the time and he didn't appreciate that.
Howard tried to calm Pat down a little bit. Pat said he was angry because when someone turns your kids against you, it's horrible. Howard said he was going to take a break. He played Robin a birthday wish from Dennis Miller and she figured they taped it about 3 years ago since he doesn't even do the show these days. They went to break a short time later.
Howard told Pat that maybe he should do his act and talk about Cheryl Ladd. Pat said he doesn't hate anyone and doesn't want to bad mouth people in his act so he doesn't want to do that stuff.
Howard told Joe that he seemed to be a whole different guy when he doesn't drink. He was really mellow this morning. Joe said that he was going to try to find Carlos Santana to bring him in there. He headed out so Howard spent some time talking to Pat about working with Cheryl Ladd.
Pat told Howard how he was hired to do an episode of Charlie's Angels show and he was playing the part of a producer on the show. He was working with the women on the show, Jacklyn Smith, Tanya Roberts and Cheryl Ladd. He said they were all very nice to him when he introduced it. He said that his first scene was with Cheryl and he was supposed to go off on her according to the script. He was yelling at her and did the scene the way he was told to do it. Cheryl called for them to cut and went over to the director and told him that she was annoyed that he was stealing the scene from her.
Pat said he did what he was supposed to do and she kept calling cut while they were filming. She ended up walking off the set because she was so annoyed with him. He said he wasn't trying to upstage her, he was just doing his job. He claims that he wouldn't know how to upstage her.
Pat said they eventually got Cheryl back on set but this time he cut the scene when she didn't do something right. He was that if they were going to cut scenes, he was going to do one for her since she had cut some for him. Pat told the director that this was terrible and they could get rid of him if they wanted to give it to someone else. He said he apologized to Jacklyn Smith who was just whistling while she was breathing. He said that Tanya Roberts was egging him on to go for it even more while he was talking to these people.
Howard said that Cheryl Ladd lucked out with that part and there are hundreds of other woman who could have played that part. Gary came in at that point and said they had Pat's son on the phone.
Howard picked up the phone and Pat's son Mike was there. Pat told him to say what he wanted to and he just wanted him to be honest.
Howard asked Mike about the last time they saw each other. Mike said he's 32 years old now and it was probably even longer ago than his father thinks it was. He said that it was at least 10 years ago. He's not sure what went wrong there. He doesn't know what he had to do with the divorce and why he stopped talking to him. Pat interrupted and asked him if he asked his mother why she thinks he's so bad. He said that he should have asked why she was putting him in the toilet. He said his mother should have taught them a little better how to treat people.
Pat said that the judge told him how much money he had to send to them and that's what he did. He didn't send any more or any less. Mike said that when he turned 15 or 16 years old he had to try and get to know his father. He still doesn't know him after 32 years. He said he knows his dad about as well as he knows Howard. Mike said he wanted to get something from his father, anything from him. He said he doesn't want any of his father's money and he hasn't needed it for a long time now. He said he's been independent for about 15 years now.
Mike said he may have asked his father for things when he was younger but that's what kids do. Pat said it wasn't all about the money. The two of them went back and forth talking about what went on in their lives. Howard thought that Mike was trying to reach out to his father. Mike said he doesn't dislike his father, but he doesn't know him either. Howard told Mike that his father is a lot of fun and he could hang out with him and have a lot of fun.
Mike said that things that mattered to him as a child don't matter to him now. He said he would like to spend time with his father now but he's not sure if his father knows what he missed out on when he was young. Pat said he wants to know what he has done that they treat him like a second class citizen.
Pat eventually said that he loves his son but he doesn't like him. Mike said that he had never heard that before and Pat told him he may never hear it again. Pat said that Mike thought he had him on the hook and tried to point out that he had never heard that before but that's why he said he may never hear it again. Pat continued to go off on his son about what he was saying about him but Mike tried to defend himself by telling Pat that he had to defend his mother over the years. Pat said that his mother never told him to defend his father but his father always told him to defend his mother.
Howard said this is all terrible because he loves Pat and hates to hear this stuff. Pat said that he may have to get together with his son to talk about this stuff in person. Joe Walsh told Mike that maybe he should take his father to Disneyland or something.
Howard told Pat that maybe they shouldn't get together. Maybe they could let bygones be bygones but he's not so sure. Mike said that he's tried to do that before but he eventually has to give up because it becomes so hard to keep trying. Joe Walsh gave Pat a hug and Howard said that he may have lifted Pat's wallet. Pat figured it was enough of that nonsense and they should move on. Pat said he does care about his family, otherwise he wouldn't have brought it up.
Mike said that he's been working at the same place for 10 years and his father knows where he's at if he wants to get together for lunch one day. Pat said he might just do that. He didn't know exactly where he was working but did know the general area.
Pat asked where Santana was because he wanted to move along with this stuff. Howard said that if Cheryl Ladd called in, then they'd have something. That led to Pat getting back to that story. He said that he was the one who ended up with the bad rap of being hard to work with when it was really Cheryl Ladd. He said that lost him a job on The Love Boat back then. Howard said he's going to make sure he doesn't speak to any of those women from now on.
Howard said they will have some news stories when they come back and also have Mega Man come in. Stuttering John also had a song to perform for Robin so they'd get to all of that after taking a break. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he had Pat's daughter on the phone and he wanted to get to her. He mentioned that they have Kreskin on the other phone line. Sam Kinison never showed up so Howard figured that maybe Pat scared him off. Howard picked up on Kreskin and let him say a few words to Robin. Kreskin said he just wanted to wish Robin a happy birthday and got off the phone quickly.
Howard got Pat's daughter on the phone after that. Pat hadn't spoken to her in 12 years. She got on and asked him what he had to say to her after that time. Pat had nothing to say but told her she could say what she wants. She said that he makes demeaning comments about her profession in his act and she doesn't appreciate that. She said it's a disgrace to use his family to make money. Pat said that he did everything he was supposed to do for his family, legally, and that's all he had to do.
Pat's daughter Luann said she had to pay for her own education and complained about that. Pat told her that she's supposed to do that. Luann told him that he ridicules her profession but he said that he's doing comedy and it's not personal. She asked Pat when the last time was that he saw his mother. Pat and Luann went back and forth about the way they think they should treat family. Pat said he never did anything bad to his kid, he never hit them or beat them. Luann complained that he only gave them $65 a week when they were growing up. Pat said that's what the court told him to pay so that's what he was paying.
Pat told Luann that she should be ashamed of herself with this nonsense. He went off on her for a short time and told her that he owes her nothing. Luann said that he has a responsibility as a father and he seems to forget that. She called her a con-artist and said she should be ashamed of herself.
Pat told Luann that he didn't care if he had any grandchildren even though he wasn't sure if he had any or not. Pat said that if she does have kids, maybe she should tell them that he was a great person. She said that her kids would call her a liar if she did that.
Pat went off on his daughter again saying that she's just a ''taker'' and that's it. Luann continued to go off on him but Pat said that she was all about ''me, me, me'' and what he gave her or didn't give to her. Luann said this has been going on for her whole life. She said that her father left her in the hospital when she was just 2 years old. Pat let out a ''Whooohoooww'' and asked her who told her that. She didn't answer him so the two of them were talking over each other for a little while until Howard called an end to it all.
Howard let Luann go and spent a little more time talking to Pat about his family. Joe Walsh had to get going at that point because he had some gigs to get to. He gave him some plugs and let him go.
Howard told Pat that he was emotionally drained after all of this stuff. Pat continued to go off on his family and told Howard about how he paid the bills that he had to pay when he was told by the courts to pay. He pointed out how his daughter was all about herself and complaining about what he didn't do for her. She never said anything about her brother and what he didn't get, it was all about her.
Gary interrupted and told Howard that Pat's mother was on the phone. Howard asked Pat if he wanted to talk to her so Pat told him to put her on. Howard told the guys to hang on while they spoke to Pat's mother. She got on the line and said that Pat is a wreck and a mess. Howard told Mrs. Caputo that it was a pleasure to speak to her but he wanted to bring the family back together. She said that he never quits and doesn't give up on anything. She said that everyone hates the truth and that's what his problem is.
Mrs. Caputo said that Pat thinks that money is important but it's not. Pat said he never said he thought it was important. He remained oddly calm while trying to explain to Howard what he thought about his mother but he started to get riled up the more he spoke.
Pat said that he has nothing to hide and he's not ashamed of anything he's done. He started going off on his mother about the way he's been treated by his family. He tried to help his family out but they didn't appreciate it. Pat eventually started yelling at his mother and that's when he found out that she was upset that she even had him as a son. He figured she wanted the money she spent raising him so he asked her how much she wanted.
Pat said that his mother could never stand any man... or any person with pants on. All she loved was her daughters. She said that Pat was the trouble maker but he said that she was the trouble maker. Pat told Howard that this is the greatest thing to have happened to him because he's had this stuff on his mind for years and it's been eating him up inside. Pat said he thanks his family for calling.
Pat asked his family if they got their three hundred thousand and pointed out that they never even visited the grave of the man who left them that money. He said that they're all money hungry people and they'll never admit it.
Howard asked Darren the Foot Licker if he wanted to say anything to Robin. He said that this is the way he wanted to wish Robin a Happy Birthday, not like Howard was doing it earlier. Howard told Darren that Robin may never love him but Darren said that it might change some day. Robin said that's true and you never know what could happen.
Darren asked to give Robin a kiss for her birthday but Robin wasn't going to allow that to happen. Howard got back to Mega Man and spent a couple of minutes talking about the stuff he was going to be doing. Mega Man said he's going to try and water ski and also roll around the city in his wheelchair. Howard said that maybe Darren would be willing to take on Darren as his team mate if he wanted.
Mark Coppola came in to do his shift there so Howard introduced Pat to him. He wrapped up with everyone else and ended the show a short time later, around 10:35am (Mastertape Theatre time)
Howard started off the show doing his morning zoo deejay impression talking about ''the weekend baby.'' He and Robin had some fun goofing on those types of morning guys for a short time. Howard moved on to talk about his left eye bothering him and how he thought it might be cancer or something. He then said that they'd be doing a Dial-A-Date and playing some Stuttering John clips. He said they'd also be contacting Elvis.
Howard said that he had been reading a book about Johnny Carson that was pretty interesting. He told Robin about some of the things he read in the book. Gary had also read some of the book and got in on the conversation. Howard said that the book was worth a read and all of the stuff that Carson did on The Tonight Show was scripted, even the ad-libs that were supposedly off the cuff.
Howard said it was really weird to read about some of the stuff that went on with Carson taking over the tonight show. Merv Griffin was second in line for that show and Howard thinks that he would have been just as successful as Carson was. The book was ''King of the Night: The Life of Johnny Carson.''
Howard and the guys talked about the pictures in the book and how they came from a guy who turned on Johnny after getting screwed over. The author was able to get the interviews for the book from other people that Johnny screwed over according to Howard.
Howard also brought up how older people seem to talk less than younger ones. He said his father used to talk a lot more than he does now. He said his father used to do whole radio shows for his guests when he'd entertain. That led to Howard talking about how he spends time talking to Gary every night before the show to prepare for ti. He said he kind of zones out once in a while though. Gary said that Howard will be yessing him and all of a sudden he'll notice that Oprah is on and point that out to him. Howard had to take his first break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard about a bit he did in Washington DC where he got into some trouble for something he said about the 14th Street Bridge airplane crash. Howard said he wasn't joking around when he made that call back then, he was being serious when he asked the airline if they were going to sell him a one way ticket to the bridge. He said no one thought it was out of line at the time, everyone thought he was fired over that incident but that wasn't the reason.
The caller Howard had on the line told Howard that the signal down in Washington was awful. Howard said he's spoken to the manager down there and he doesn't like that he complains about that signal. He said that's probably the reason his ratings weren't higher than they were.
Howard took another call from a guy who did his Mr. Magoo impression which led to Howard talking about Billy West and how he was auditioning for the part of a Mr. Magoo remake that was being worked on. He said Billy hadn't head back about the audition yet.
Howard talked about how MTV needed some work with their hosts. He said the graphics and videos were fine but some of the other stuff they do on that channel were kind of lame. Howard said they were running some local commercials on that channel which made MTV seem really lame. Howard said that Jackie's wife Nancy was in one commercial and he wasn't even sure what it was all about. Jackie said he didn't even know what the commercial was for. Jackie said it was for some loan company or something. Even Jackie wasn't exactly sure what it was for.
Gary talked about one show they were doing on MTV with a couple of the VJs over there. He said the show was really lame. They also talked about some of the good looking VJs over there. Gary mentioned one girl who was hot for Howard. Howard said he had to move on to some other things after taking a break.
Howard booted Scott out after he fixed the echo and then went into his Elvis impression. Robin told Elvis that he sounds young. Elvis said that he was very upset about that idiot who was messing with the echo chamber. He went on to tell Robin about how he likes Cajun food because it's blackened... just like Priscilla likes her men. Elvis also talked about his mother and how much he loved that lump on the back of her neck.
Elvis also said that they have a nickname for his mama... Pig. He talked about his baby brother that died before he was born and how he's up in heaven with him. Elvis asked Jackie to hook him up with some drugs and rattled off a list of drugs that he needed.
Elvis said he wanted to stop all of the nonsense about how he died after a drug overdose and banging his head on a toilet. He said he was just getting a drink of water when he hit his head. He also had a song that he had written to the tune of the Gilligan's Island theme. It was about this woman who was lost at sea and had to drink her own pee.
Elvis and Robin talked about his family and what's going on with them. Elvis had a bunch of jokes about that woman who was stuck on the boat and had to drink her pee. He had a ton of those jokes to tell. Not too long after that they lost Elvis and Howard came back and then went to commercial break.
After a couple of minutes of that Howard had Robin do some news reports. Robin read a news story about Louis Palonia which led to Howard taking a call from Louis (Fred) who was talking about the story that Robin had read. Howard spent just a short time with that bit before having Robin get to more news stories. After reading a bunch of stories Howard took another break.
Howard had Jed in and everyone laughed when they saw the way he looked. Howard said ''Jm J Bullock move over...'' Howard asked Jed if that's a gay look or what. Jed said that he's not gay, he just woke up looking like that. Howard asked Robin if that was the gayest thing she's ever seen. Howard described Jed a little bit and goofed on him.
Jed said he's impressed that Howard can do his show being himself. Howard asked him if his hair was really long or something. Jed let his hair down and he looked more normal according to Howard. Howard asked whose idea it was to bring him in there.
Howard talked to Jed about the ratings out in L.A. and why they don't put his show on at the right time. He was goofing on Jed's voice which sounded like Jack Nicholson on ludes according to him. He asked Jed how he got the job at the radio station that he had. Jed told him how he did an internship and got the evening shift after that. He's been waiting for a full time job since then.
Howard found out that Jed's real name was Edwin Fish Gould III... So he uses his real Fish name. Howard wrapped up with Jed a short time later and let him go. Howard asked him to please not touch him when he asked to shake his hand. Jed also said that he was in town for a The Cure concert that was taking place at a stadium. Howard said he hopes that he'd be the morning man out there in L.A. Sometime soon. After Jed mentioned Mel's (Karmazin) name, Howard told him it was time for him to leave as if he wasn't supposed to mention that name on the air.
Howard and the guys goofed on Jed a little bit after he left because of the goofy hair he had. They also goofed on him for liking The Cure and over that strange voice he has. Gary told Howard that Jed showed up in a stretch limo which surprised Howard.
Gary told Howard that 'Gina Man wasn't going to be showing up because he was in the hospital. He was ''backed up'' and has scar tissue in his urinary tract so he was in the hospital over that. Howard said he guesses that he can let him off if he's in that bad condition. They had to take another commercial break after that.
Howard moved on to play some clips of some interviews that Stuttering John did. He was at a Ron Delzner press conference and questioned him about a bunch of goofy things. Ron answered the questions very seriously and didn't seem to want to joke around. John also asked Henry Stern, the New York parks commissioner, some questions. After he asked those questions John said that he hates his job.
Howard said that John created a bit about how they hire the handicapped so he played that. In the bit they say that John is their handicapped employee of the month. Howard took another break after that.
Howard said he was reading the Johnny Carson book and started to feel guilty about not spending more time with his own kids so that's when he got down on the floor and played with Debra. He said it was a typical night for him. He was trying to watch Entertainment Tonight and read that book.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he's been listening for 3 years and wondered who he thinks his best guest was. Howard said it was Pat Cooper and Sam Kinison. Another caller told Howard that his show is really boring because he does the same stuff over and over again every day.
The caller told Howard that he should try to be more creative. Howard hung up on the guy and said that if he doesn't like it then he should turn it off. He said he can't please anyone. He created a couple of new bits after people told him he wasn't coming up with enough and still people complain. Howard called the guy a dick and said he hates guys like that.
Howard said he's not going to create any more bits after that phone call. He said he's going to play music instead. He said that maybe they should listen to the Zookeeper in Philly to see what he's doing. He played some bits off of his album and said he's not afraid to play them because they're so bad. The bit he played was painfully boring and unfunny. Howard said the guy had some delivery and he reminded him of A. Whitney Brown from Saturday Night Live. Howard also pointed out that this was ''the best'' of the Zookeeper's bits.
Howard wondered how people stayed tuned to those lame bits. He said that the guy should have put some effort into the bit because it was really horrible. He had to take another commercial break after that.
Howard played some other awful bits from the album and goofed on them. There was one bit with a backwards message in it so Howard pretended to figure it out and said it was the guy saying ''I lost my wig.''
Howard had Robin try to perform the song parody to the tune of the Gilligan's Island theme song that they were trying out earlier. Robin sang it but Howard didn't seem to think it was all that much better than what he did. Gary thought that might have been the worst musical performance on the show in a while and she might win an F-Emmy for that.
Howard was messing around with his board and found a strange signal coming through from a radio station or something. He spent a short time listening to that and pretending to fall asleep while listening to it. Edgar Winter was being interviewed on the feed and he got really bored by it.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told Howard to put out an album of his own because he's got some great bits to put on it. Howard said he couldn't imagine doing that with the bits that he does on the show. He's not into that Zookeeper type of stuff. The caller said he taped the Woodstock Minute bit that Howard did and played it for some friends of his who loved it.
Howard hung up on the guy a short time later and then asked Fred to perform that song parody that Robin had attempted a short time before. Fred sang the song and ended up screwing it up just like Howard and Robin did. He said he was trying to run his sound effects at the same time though so it wasn't so easy. Howard said that was Fred's real voice and they had never heard that before. He was actually Fred doing Fred and not doing some other voice. They had to go to break after that.
Howard sang a new song parody to the tune of the Gilligan's Island theme. This time it was about Fred but it didn't go through the whole song. He went through a couple minutes of that and then moved on to some audio clips from the Larry King Show with Jessica Hahn.
Howard played some of Jessica's interview with Larry and goofed on her about not just answering the questions. He said that Jessica has way too much going on in her head. He said she goes into every single detail about her relationship with Sam Kinison instead of just telling Larry she doesn't like the guy. Jessica said that Sam was useless to her and she was done with him.
Howard seemed to think that Jessica was digging everything that was going on with Sam, she just didn't want to admit it. He said he could probably whip Jessica into shape but she won't listen to him. He talked to his agent about her but she wanted to do everything on her own. Howard had to take a break in the middle of the Jessica tapes. He said he'd get back to them after the break.
Howard got back to the Larry King interview with Jessica Hahn clips he started playing before the break. Howard ran out of clips to play after a short time and ended up going off on Gary about not pulling all of the clips he wanted him to pull. Gary thought he had pulled everything that Howard wanted him to but Howard insisted he asked for more.
Gary said he was pretty sure he didn't screw up but Howard said he did. Howard said that Jessica said that she loves him at one point but Gary didn't pull that. Gary said he would bring in the tape the next week if he wanted him to pull those clips.
Howard read an article about Jessica and how she wanted to have a baby. Howard said he was thinking of having him, Fred, Jackie, Gary and John all donate their sperm so they could inject her with all of their greatest traits. He read more of the article where Jessica talked about how she would like to find a man and have that baby. She set a deadline of 1990 for having a baby and if she didn't, she would get artificially inseminated.
In the article Jessica went off on Sam Kinison for not paying her for doing his video and then just disappearing from her life. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard went on to play ''One Question and One Question Only.'' He took a call from a guy who asked if they're trying to track down Denny Terrio. Howard said that Gary did track him down and they found out he's still alive. He had Gary come back into the studio to ask him about that. He took another call in the mean time. A caller asked Howard to pass his number along to Jessica Hahn for him. That led to Howard talking about how some woman had asked him to pass a note to Pat Cooper because she was willing to get a hug and a cuddle from him. A woman called in and asked who is more ticklish, Howard or Jessica. Howard wasn't able to answer that one so the woman hung up.
Howard said he was thinking of hiring a court stenographer to write down everything they say so they could have a transcripts of the show. He wasn't sure how those stenographers do that stuff with that little machine they type on. He said they get every word and even accents in their reports. Howard asked Fred if he knows how that works. Fred said all he knows is that it takes a long time to learn that machine. Howard said he was tempted to call one but he'd wait until the week after.
Gary came in and said that they had a woman on the phone who went to school to become a court stenographer. She told Howard that there were like 16 keys on the machine and you do it in a combination that will spell out words. Howard said that has to be impossible. She said that she hated the class she went to and would cut out of it all the time. She said she was only 18 years old at the time so she wasn't into it. Howard asked her what they pay for a good court stenographer. She said it was probably over $50,000 so Howard figured that wouldn't work. She also said that you have to have someone who can read stenographer notes to type them out.
Howard said there's no way Tom (Chiusano) would spring for that. He said he only wants the person to write about what he and Robin say, not what everyone else is saying. The woman said the classes were tough for her and she just took the class to kill some time.
Howard said it would be cool if they had a transcript of the show each day. He thought it would be really cool. The caller said that she could type up the show as it went along. Howard wanted to test her out by having her type up one show and send it in. He didn't want her taping it and sending it in though. She said that she could do that but she has friends who might be better than her.
The woman knew Gary after he met her one time. Gary remembered who she was and said she was kind of attractive but he didn't try to sleep with her or anything like that. Howard let the woman go after that.
Howard talked about the Oprah Winfrey show he had watched the day before and how strange the subject matter was. He said that Oprah was crying over what was being discussed during the show. Howard also mentioned that he got $536 for doing an appearance on David Letterman's show and he gets like $300 or so for the reruns as well. He said he made like over $4,000 for his Letterman appearances the year before.
Howard asked Gary if deejay Meg Griffin was there because he wanted to play her some tape. Meg came in a short time later. Howard told her that she seems to be much less uptight and much softer. He also said he liked the red that she put in her hair. She said she was trying to get it back to her natural color which was more like Howard's color.
Howard told Meg she seems much sexier and she was more of a woman than she was in the past. He told her she should start to grow her nails out. He said she was kind of flipping out when she saw his wife and her friends stop in a few weeks before. She doesn't get all dressed up like they were.
Howard eventually scared Meg off and she was about to walk out on him. He told her how hot he thought she was. He said he would have loved to have had a girl that cute when he was in high school. Meg said that Howard was much different when they first met and worked together at another radio station (WRNW). Howard said Meg got mad at him after she left that station and he stuck around.
Howard wanted to know what attracted Meg to her man. She said they just hit it off and things worked out for them. Howard told her to relax because she was kind of getting upset with the line of questioning.
Howard spent a few more minutes with Meg before wrapping up the show. The show was over by 10:00am (on 10/20/06, the show may have gone longer back in 1989)
Howard started off the show talking about how he hoped that Jackie the news intern was there. Robin told him that she doesn't get there until a little later in the morning. ?Howard said she's there to get hypnotized with some of the other girls on the show. Howard asked Gary when that's all going to happen. Gary said they're going to start it around 7:30. Howard talked about Dr. King and how he was going to be doing the hypnotizing. He said he'd love to be able to do that stuff himself. Gary said maybe you can send away to one of those comic book ads to get the X-ray specs.
Howard and Gary talked about Dr. King for a short time and how great it is to be able to hypnotize hot chicks. Howard changed subjects and talked about some frightening pictures of Barbara Bush in the paper today. He said that her eyes are bulging out of her head in the pictures and that's the way she looks. Robin said it's some kind so thyroid condition. Howard said it looked like George Bush was blowing air into her vagina making her eyes pop out. He figured that President Bush comes home and has to look at that and he probably can't believe he's married to that.
Howard also mentioned that Pete Rose has been kicked out of baseball finally. Robin said that he's supposed to go through rehab. Howard said that guy is very pompous and arrogant and he hopes he goes away. He said he could care less about him or baseball. He said he's got better things on his mind like hypnotizing girls.
Howard said they're going to work on trying to get rid of Stuttering John's stutter as well. He said if they do stop that stutter, John will get fired.
The caller also told Howard about going to college up at Boston University and how he's hoping he can get laid up there. Howard said anyone can get laid at that college. He said he had his fair share of chicks up there. He said it started out slow but he was able to get laid a few times when he was going there. Robin asked him how many girls he had there. That led to them talking about the number of women Howard has had. Howard figured he had sex with about 27 women before he got married. He said he met his wife and stopped having sex even though he could have had sex the week after he met his wife.
Howard said that 27 came between the ages of 16 and 21. He thought that was a pretty good number. Robin said that was pretty good for 4 years. Howard asked Jackie how many he had. Jackie said he had a lot more than 27. Howard said that he's wondering why else he'd want to live if he can't get laid again. Howard said he likes the thrill of a new girl. He said he was talking about some news woman, Perry Peltz, he likes and how he's pretty sure he could get her with the reputation he has. He said he spoke to a few people about her over at the station she works at. It could have been perfect if he had been able to get a date with her. He said he was ready to close the deal but he's married so he can't even make that happen.
Howard said he was working on a new bit called ''Larry King's Bachelor Party'' that they should have for next week. He said they also have a big anniversary show coming up next week. They've been in New York radio for 7 years now. He said he's pretty sure that it's the 7th year at the end of the month. They'd been there since 1982. Howard said that they're putting some effort into it and they'll be working on that stuff at his house. He told the caller he had to take a break after that.
Howard said he knows that Tom makes a lot of money doing what he does and he doesn't deserve it. He said Tom probably figures he's underpaid at $308,000 per year there but he really doesn't deserve it. He said Tom has it pretty easy there and doesn't even get blamed if they don't get decent ratings on the station.
Howard kept talking about the 17 carts he needs for this bit he's working on. He told Gary to go down to WJIT and see if he could take some from him. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said he was watching the news yesterday and saw John F. Kennedy Jr. on the news. He said that guy gets ton's of hot chicks and has them coming on to him all the time. He said it must be quite a life. He figures it must turn women on that he went to law school and has this job paying him $30,000 a year. He said they're still jumping through hoops to get near him even though he's got that low paying job. Howard can't get women without hypnotizing them.
Howard asked Robin what was in the news. She brought up a story about this McMillan family where the father had killed his family so Howard had a quick song parody to sing about that. He sang the song to the tune of the Addams Family theme song but said they really had to work on it a little more.
Howard mentioned that they're going to be doing a trivia contest on the show tomorrow as part of the anniversary celebration for the show. He said that they have some cool prizes for the winners. One of the prizes involved a trip to a Rolling Stones concert with a limo. The runners up in the contest get a ride to the concert in a bus. That led to the guys talking about how the driver of the bus might be Ted Kennedy. When Howard heard that he went into his Ted Kennedy impression and goofed on him for a short time. He said it was great that Ted grew up ugly.
Howard wondered if any girls had shown up for the hypnotism thing today. Robin said she saw some girls out there. Gary came in and said that some of the girls looked good. Howard figured Gary was going to get some of the girls when he should really be the one getting them.
Robin got back to her news and read through some more stories. Stuttering John came in at one point to talk about one of the stories that Robin brought up. The story was about a sexual education class that was offered at a school. John had taken the class so he talked about that for a short time. Howard told John that he should really cut his fingernails because it was really vile to look at. John said he doesn't care about how he looks but Howard said it's kind of disturbing.
John talked about some of the homework in that sex ed class. He said that one of the homework assignments was to draw a picture of your own genitals. Howard had some fun talking about that. He figured the professor's name was probably like Dick Hertz. He said something about how he had gone home and squeezed his testicles for extra credit.
Stuttering John said he had to go out and interview people and ask them if they had ever had thoughts about doing gay stuff. He talked about some of the other homework assignments and movies that they had to watch. Howard eventually told John to get out of there with that nonsense and had Robin get back to her news. They went to commercial break a short time later.
Howard asked where Gary had gone to because he wanted to get Jackie the Intern in there. Gary came in and said that Howard was being a big loud mouth so Howard told him he was fired. Gary said he was fine with that. Gary said he didn't hear Howard asking for him and there were 50 people out there who should have come in to let him know. Gary didn't even know why he was being called in there.
Howard told Gary to get out of there and fired him once again. Jackie the Intern and Dr. King were brought in a short time later. Howard asked Dr. King if he could cure John's stutter. Dr. King said he could do that if he really wanted him to. He could stop the stutter until he wanted it to come back too. Howard said maybe they should make him stutter worse instead.
Howard asked Dr. King if they should talk about what to do to Jackie in front of her or not. He suggested they not talk about it in front of her. Howard asked if they had a perfect subject with Jackie the Intern. He said they did so Howard let Jackie leave the room so they could discuss it. Howard told Dr. King that he wanted her all over him and he wanted her to orgasm loudly.
Howard said there is no better doctor than Dr. King. He asked him what it would cost him to have him walking around hypnotizing women for him all day. He didn't wait for an answer, he just got into the Jackie the Intern thing. He told Dr. King to go off and try working on Jackie while he spoke to some of the other girls there. They ended up talking about Bo the Lesbian a little bit and that led to Dr. King talking about how he had a guy who was gay who he was able to turn straight.
Howard told Dr. King that he wants to make Jackie the Intern hot for him. He told Dr. King to go out and make that happen. A short time later after an edited out commercial break, Howard said he got the word that Jackie the Intern was a good subject. She came in with Dr. King and he told Howard that she was an incredible subject. He said it didn't take long to figure out that she was going to work out well.
Dr. King said you really feel relaxed and fresh after going under hypnosis. He said he was going to allow Howard to hold one of his balls... one of his crystal balls... and show that to Jackie. Howard showed it to her and that put her to sleep. Dr. King put her into a deeper sleep and then said he was going to talk to Howard about what they wanted to do with her.
Dr. King suggested that they tell her that she was with Howard in a room last night and Howard was devastating in bed. Howard told Robin to interview her about that. Dr. King then told Jackie what she was going to think when she woke up and she was going to think it was for real. She woke up a short time later and Robin asked her what had gone on the night before. Jackie laughed and said that she and Howard went to a hotel and she was with him. Her dream came true and she got to do stuff with Howard in the hotel room in a heart shaped bed. She was laughing quite a bit as she was telling the story. She said they took a shower together and did things in there.
Robin asked detailed questions about what went on there. Jackie talked about the bubbles flying in the air and how she had champagne and had Howard kissing her neck and stuff like that. Howard let her go through the story for a short time while she thought that they were in a commercial break. He came back from the fake break and asked Jackie if she wanted to talk more about it on the air. She told Robin not to say anything to anyone about what had gone on. Gary said he got an erection during that discussion. He said that she was talking about all of the stuff that she'd really want when she was making up this fantasy. Howard said the reality wouldn't have been as nice. He said he would have been farting at some point.
Dr. King brought Jackie back out of her sleep so Howard talked to her a little bit more. Jackie was saying that Howard is the only guy she wants to look at in the room. She said that he belongs on the cover of GQ because he's so good looking. Howard played along and said that he just pretends that he's not good looking. Howard said that she loves his personality and also loves his body. Jackie said that he really does have a great body and she's never been with someone like that before.
Jackie said that she'd like to live with Howard and they'd have to stay in Manhattan if they did that. Dr. King put her under again and made her think that when Howard farted, it was disgusting. Howard then pretended to start farting with fart sound effects and had her thinking that he was blasting away. She ran out of the studio because they smelled so bad. Howard asked Dr. King to please help him out and make Jackie in love with him. He told him they were going to bring in another girl after the break and have them fight over him. He gave Dr. King some more ideas for what he could hypnotize the girls to do.
Jackie came back in the studio so Howard blasted out some more farts and told her that he really can't control it. She got upset with him about farting so much but he said he just couldn't stop. They went to break a short time later.
Howard had Jackie on his lap and had her touching his hair and stuff like that. She was giggling and saying that he had too much clothing on. Howard took his jacket off and thanked Dr. King for what he was doing. Dr. King put her under again and had her falling in love with Howard even more. Howard was telling her how much he loved when she was rubbing him and kissing his neck. Dr. King put her under again. He had her saying that she would give him anything she wanted while she was there. Howard asked her if she ever thought she'd be like that with him. She said she did but it was even better than she thought it would be.
Jackie said that it was Howard physically that was turning her on, not just his personality. Howard told Dr. King he was a genius as he was putting Jackie back under. King was telling her to kiss Howard when she came out of it but Howard said he couldn't do that.
Howard said that today is Jackie the Intern's last day there and then she asked if she could get a kiss. Howard let her kiss him but didn't go as far as Dr. King had told her to go. Howard said goodbye to her a short time later and said that they're going to miss her. She kept kissing him before saying goodbye to him. Howard told Dr. King to put her under again so he could talk to him. He told King he might need to hypnotize his wife because she won't understand this at all.
Howard told Dr. King to keep the girls in their trances for a while. He also told him to go work on the other girls while they talked. After coming back from an edited out commercial Howard was rubbing his nose which was supposed to be turning Jackie on. She was giggling and laughing as he was doing it. Then Gary told him that he had a call from Jackie's father. Howard picked up the call and Dad told Howard that he was going to be the first guy to be castrated with a broken nose. He asked him what he was doing to his poor daughter. Jackie said that nothing had happened and she was very confused right now. Howard told Jackie to leave the room so he could talk to her father. She was worried that someone was mad at her but Howard told her that no one was mad.
Howard told Jackie's dad that his daughter was a hot little fireball when she was under hypnosis. He said that he was a gentleman during the whole thing. He said he didn't do anything wrong. Jackie's father said he wasn't sure about that because he couldn't see what was going on. He let the guy go a short time later.
Howard said he wants Jackie back in there. He was also saying that he'd like to get Meg Griffin in there too when she comes in. He said he doesn't think that they could get her hypnotized at all. He had a caller on the line who was saying that this guy was great and had probably beat out Sam Kinison as the best guest on the show. He was also telling Howard that he should have Dr. King hypnotize him and bring out the 10 year old Howard Stern. Howard said he's not sure that would work on him, he's not sure he could be hypnotized.
The guys talked about how hot Jackie was during that whole thing earlier. Howard joked that Fred had ''inserted himself into the cart machine'' during that segment earlier. He had to take a quick break before getting to more of that.
Howard said that none of the girls ever grab his crotch like he'd like them to do. He said he really doesn't want that but it would be good for the show. He had a bunch of girls come in and said hello to each of them. The first woman said she had called in and asked to come in recently. She's 35 and a model and claims to look like Natalie Wood. Howard also said hello to Lauren who was another girl who was there to be hypnotized. Those two were hypnotizable while some of the other girls weren't. Howard had Dr. King do his thing with the one girl who was an aerobics instructor. Dr. King then had him pick up his crystal ball and swing it back and forth. He put her under and then Howard told him what he wanted to do. He told him to make it happen for him and said he wants them to go into wild orgasms when he rubs his chest. Dr. King worked his magic and told the girls what they were going to do.
Howard said he hopes his wife just turns off her radio while this is going on. He woke her up a short time later and Howard told Linnie and Lauren that they were off the air. Robin asked the girls what they were up to with Howard. Lauren said that she and Howard had gone into a bathroom to mess around but Linnie said that she wasn't with him, she was. She said it was early this morning and she didn't think that Lauren had been with her. Linnie said that she and Howard had messed around in the bathroom and screwed around and played Twister in the nude. She said they got all tangled up and had some fun. She said they were trying to do it standing up but it wasn't working very well so they slipped to the floor. She said it turned out to be better than she expected it to be too.
Howard asked Lauren to describe what they had done. She filled in the details of their mutual massaging. She said that she knows how to give really good massages so that's what she was doing for him. She said that Howard is a big man and isn't as small as he claims to be.
Howard said he was hoping that the girls were going to really fight over him. He asked Dr. King what else he could do. King said they could do the same thing that they did with Jackie. Howard said he wanted them less inhibited and orgasming when they touch him or something. Dr. King worked his magic on the girls for a short time and then the girls came back in. Howard talked to Linnie again and had her touching him. He talked to her while she was feeling him and waiting for her to orgasm. She said she would like to give him a nice massage. Howard asked her if she was getting turned on more by him than other men. She said that he was doing it to her right then. Howard invited Lauren over while they were doing that. Linnie didn't want to leave, she just kept touching him.
Dr. King came over and told the girls that they had to really get into this and get worked up while they were touching Howard. He brought them out again and they kept feeling him up. Not too much was happening though. Then Linnie started moaning a bit and said she was feeling so good inside. Howard said he liked that they were touching him and started moaning a little bit himself.
Lauren was kissing Howard's fingers and getting off on that. Howard wasn't sure what else he could do after that. He said that both of them were very sensuous women. He also said he likes when he hears them scream so they did a little more of that. Fred threw in a dog howling sound clip when he heard that.
Howard spoke to the girls a little bit after letting them come out of their hypnosis. Howard took some phone calls after that and one guy said they have to get Meg in there and get her hypnotized. Howard said that he was going to put his shirt back on for the girls. Then he was asking them to bark for him. If they barked he was going to let them touch him. The girls didn't want to do it though.
Stuttering John told Howard that Meg was there so Howard told Dr. King to go do his thing with her. Howard had Linnie and Lauren sit back down and spent a few more minutes talking to them. He took a few more phone calls as well. The callers thought the whole thing was incredible. Stuttering John said that Meg was still debating if she should do it or not. Howard had him bring her in so he could try to convince her himself.
Howard said that Meg is very uptight. He asked Jackie to go out and convince her to come in. Jackie said he would carry her in if he had to. Howard told him to go ahead and do that then. Meg came in a short time later and Robin said she looked like she was afraid of everything. Meg wasn't interested but Howard promised her that he wouldn't do anything bad with her. She wasn't going to do anything but Howard begged until she said she would do it. She was more afraid of what Howard was going to do than what Dr. King was going to do.
Howard sent Meg off to be hypnotized and spent a little more time with Linnie and Lauren. Gary came in a short time later and said they were still working on Meg. Howard wondered what they should do with her if it works. He and Robin figured they were going to do the nose rubbing thing that would make her feel really good. While they waited Howard gave one of the girls an orgasm by letting her touch him. Lauren was going nuts watching that one according to Jackie. Howard asked her if she wanted one like that. She said she wanted one in private.
Gary said that Dr. King is working very hard on Meg but he seems to be trying very hard and may just be able to do it. He came back a short time later and said that Dr. King had given him the thumbs up for Meg. Howard gave Linnie and Lauren a little more pleasure by letting them touch his hand. He said they know they wanted that and kept going with that for a short time.
Howard let Linnie and Lauren go and had Meg come in. He asked her how that went. She said it felt funny. Howard asked Dr. King what they could do there. Dr. King said she had an excellent frame of mind and she was a great pleasure to work with. He put her to sleep a few seconds later so they could figure out what to do with her. Howard wanted to get Meg to fall in love with him. Dr. King worked his magic on Meg and told her that she had a nice breakfast with Howard and then went up to a hotel room where Howard showed her a few new ideas. He told her that she was going to reveal all of this stuff to Robin because she was her close friend.
When Dr. King brought her out of her sleep she came up and Howard asked her to tell Robin what she did with him this morning. She wasn't playing along and said she was home with her boyfriend this morning. She didn't seem to be under any hypnosis at all and was kind of goofing on the whole situation. Dr. King put her back to sleep and tried to get her to play along. It wasn't working. She was goofing on Howard when he rubbed his nose instead of having an orgasm like Dr. King was trying to make her do. She said she has a strong mind and will so that might be why she's not falling under this spell. Howard said she might just be uptight.
Dr. King tried to make her hand get stuck to a can by putting her under again. That didn't work either. Howard said all he cares about is that Dr. King got Jackie the Intern to go under. He wondered why it didn't work on her. Howard told Dr. King he did a good job with the others so he wasn't unhappy at all. Meg said she heard just a couple of minutes of the show so she didn't know what to expect.
Howard had Jackie the intern come back in to talk about what she had gone through. Dr. King put her under again and told her that she was going to get jealous of Meg and get very upset that she was hitting on Howard. Jackie then came out of it and asked Howard why Meg was laughing. Howard told her that she was flirting with him, that's why. Jackie said that she knew that Meg had a boyfriend and that she wasn't hitting on him. Howard spent a few minutes talking to the two of them but Meg still wasn't going along with the story even though they were supposed to be just goofing around. Meg was laughing at Howard as he was pretending to be in love with her.
Dr. King put Jackie under and told her that Howard had taken his thing out and Meg was holding it in her hand across the console. Howard said they really have to wrap up with Dr. King. Then they made reference to Howard's ''thing'' being on the console. He asked Meg to please touch it as Jackie the Intern was laughing. Howard told Meg that she was the best and said he was putting it closer to her. Meg told him to get away from her. Jackie didn't seem to have a problem with her doing what she was doing.
Howard asked Jackie if she wanted to touch it. She was just laughing and said that she didn't want to touch it with so many people there. Howard wrapped up with Dr. King and said he had to go to break after that. He rubbed his nose for Jackie one more time and she got another giggle from that. He said maybe he'd spend some time alone with her later. He ended the show around 10:00am (Mastertape Theatre time).
Howard and Robin were trying to figure out stage direction. They couldn't get it down. Howard said he was on the phone all night with the ticket company working this out, so he missed the big tennis match on TV last night. Robin was there along with Donald Trump and Chevy Chase. Robin said Imus was there and he got angered when he saw her.
Howard said Jim Jenson is doing sports reports on Channel 2 now. They said Jim Jenson is a local reporter that had some trouble with cocaine. He was a real distinguished guy before his coke problems. Robin said she feels bad about how low on the totem pole he fell down.
Howard asked Robin about Imus again and Robin said Imus was sitting in the nosebleeds but she was up front. Howard said he hates Imus and he's glad Imus's life is ruined. Howard said Jessica Hahn and Richard Lewis would be calling in. Robin asked if Dice would be coming on to discuss his latest controversy with MTV. Howard said he thinks Sam Kinison did the same thing a year ago. Howard said naked girls would be coming by to audition for spots on the Nassau Coliseum Show. Howard will be playing Gary and Robin will be playing Darren the Foot Licker.
Howard asked if Robin knew how to play and she said she isn't very good. Howard said he isn't either but he'll give it his best. Gary said he used to play as a teenager but not often. Gary said he'd beat him but Howard reminded him that he got his butt kicked at racquetball by Howard. Howard said his story was BS. Howard said if Gary's a natural athlete then he's Megaman.
They talked a little about tennis players and the U.S. Open Match that took place last night. Howard said there was a guy named "Igor" who looks like a Nazi.
Howard said he wants Kimberly Taylor and Jessica Hahn to orgasm when Howard rubs his nose after they undergo hypnosis from Dr. Marshall King.
Gary said Celestine, the armless and legless woman would play the National Anthem with her tongue. Jessica Hahn will also be there. Vinnie Mazzeo Jr., who will light his penis on fire, will be there. Stuttering John said he opened up for Pat Cooper but Howard ended up making fun of John's long nails. Gary said Megaman and Grandpa Al Lewis have also confirmed. He said a few comedians are also in the works. Gary said that tickets go on sale today.
Gary said anything can happen at these live shows. Howard said there's always at least one moment worth going for. Howard said the tampon eating contest and the Prom Queen's heel trick were some of the best.
Howard picked up the phone and said that they'll be recommending certain area hotels. Howard said people want to party with other listeners in the hotel. Howard said tickets are $22.50. Robin said it's happening on October 7. Howard said Gary took out the Russian immigrant and his date that he met on Dial-A-Date. Howard said the girl who called in to date him thought he was Yakoff Smirnoff, so there will be some pretty and dumb girls at the show.
Scott the Engineer came in and said he saw Rob Camiletti at the bagel shop yesterday looking for a job. Then he was eating a bagel on the curb for an hour. Howard told John to get out. Scott started to talk and then Howard cut him off to talk to John. Howard told John to tell Ernie to knock it off with the staring. Howard asked where Ernie is and John said he's in the back office. Howard said he has to bring Ernie in and do news after the commercials.
Gary came in and said some of the girls that were here today have arrived. Howard said he wants to do the news and get it out of the way.
Robin got to her first story about a local news anchor for Channel 9 who saved a man's life. Howard asked Robin if she heard a hum. It was coming from Jackie's mic. Scott the Engineer came in to fix it and Howard stopped him at the door. He told him to get the hell out because he'd only make it worse.
Robin's second story was that Mother Theresa had a heart attack. After her heart attack she went to church but eventually had to get to a hospital. Howard said that the MTV awards weren't bad and that Mother Theresa wrote Dice Clay's act that got him banned.
Robin's third story was about Axl Rose fighting with a guy from Motley Crue. Howard said the show was better backstage than on-stage. Howard said he knows the real story. Robin said she had a clip. It was Axl Rose telling the story.
Robin's fourth story was about the president's speech about the war on drugs. Robin asked if Howard remembers the president holding up a bag of crack. The president may have ruined a secret investigation on LaFayette Park, where the bag of crack came from.
Robin's fifth story was about the PTL and Jim Baker story. Robin said Jim Baker sat composed and trying to look good and look like a good client at the trial. Robin said she thinks televangelists are just bad businessmen.
Robin's sixth story was about the Giamatti club finger guy. Robin said the guy was born with club finger. Robin said this should teach people not to diagnose over television.
Robin's seventh story was about LaToya Jackson marrying her manager. That happened over the week. Robin's eighth and final story was about Tom Jones and how he's not as faithful as he says. Now there is a paternity suit against him.
Gary brought in the five women who are auditioning. Howard was enjoying looking at the half-naked women but he was mad at Gary because he didn't have chairs set up. Howard asked the girls what they do and they said they do hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing.
Sir Harden Thicke interrupted the broadcast to say that Scott the Engineer realized at that exact point that tape was running out so he changed tapes while recording. Sir Harden Thicke was sorry to say that the next few minutes are lost in time. He then resumed where the recording continued.
Howard picked up Richard Lewis and Sam Kinison. Richard and Sam started fighting with each other. Sam asked Richard if hates Dice. Howard told Kinison to stop involving everyone in his fights. The fighting was starting to get heavy and Howard and Robin tried to calm it down. Howard told Sam to stop fighting with Richard because Sam likes Richard. Richard said he got a call yesterday that Howard wants him to call in so he can mock Richard. Kinison said Dice evicted his fried. Sam Kinison started pulling out Dice facts and trashing him. Sam was really upset with Dice and wanted how Howard treated him when he said he did DeBella's show. Howard said Dice is Kinison's Paul Reiser. Howard said that he thinks Arsenio screwed Richard's MTV appearance up. Howard talked to the guys for a few more minutes. Sam Kinison said he'll come down to the studio. Howard let Sam go. Howard said he had to let Richard go because Jamie Lee's was in the lobby.
Howard picked up on Jessica Hahn and said he wanted to talk to her before Sam came in. Jessica said Sam was supposed to come to a charity event but never showed up because he's afraid of her. Howard said he has to break for commercial but he'd get back to her. Howard gave out the ticket information for U.S. Open Sores. Gary said 6 more girls were out in the lobby and they're getting unruly. Howard said he has to go to break but he'd get back to Jessica in a minute. The ball girls said they would pull their tops off but Fred said he had a lot of commercials to get to. Howard did a live commercial, but the sponsor name was fart noised out.
Howard let Jessica go and then got back to the girls. The girls started rambling so Howard tried moving it along by getting them naked. The girls said they'll be oil bathing each other. Howard was enjoying what he saw when they got naked. They started oiling each other up and running to show how they chase balls. The girls said they'd love to chase balls. Once girl said she didn't want to get naked or be a ball girl. Gary got the 3 girls who participated together and took down their names and numbers. Gary brought in the second group of girls to audition.
Howard came back from break and started to chat with the girls. He brought one of the girls up to the mic. The girl had a missing tooth and was talking in slang. Howard and Robin said she's not ready for a show. Howard was examining the girls' breasts. He interviewed the girls for a little while longer. One of the girls dates Moogy from Buzzy Linhardt's band. The same girl said she's attracted to Howard. Howard chatted with a few more women and then asked them to show their breasts. Howard gave out the numbers to get tickets again, but Sirius bleeped them with fart noises. Howard gave the ticket price again. Some girls wouldn't show their breasts so Howard kicked them out. A guy called in and said he didn't buy tickets because he lives in Philadelphia. The caller asked if Jessica would be there. Howard gave the number out again. Howard gave out the list of U.S. Open Sores hotels. One of the girls suggested hypnotizing Siobhan into thinking she was a man again. Howard said he had to go to break. Gary said that the auditions were over.
Howard went to break and when he came back Sam and his crew were in there having a good time. Sam said Malika's there but she's not mad at him because she sees Sam's in heaven. Howard and Sam asked Malika to bear her breasts. Malika said she would if Robin does. Robin said she's not going to. Sam kept going on and on about Dice so Howard and Robin decided Dice would be banned from the show for life! They said they'd be making the MTV announcement but replacing "MTV" with "The Howard Stern Show." Sam was thrilled at that. Howard gave the number out again for tickets. Kinison hung out in the studio for a while longer. He spent most of his appearance trashing Dice. Howard ran down what would happen at U.S. Open Sores. Sam was playing around with the girls for a little bit and Malika got angry. They spent a few more minutes hanging out with Kinison and then they had to wrap up.
Howard started off the show talking about how he was showing the guys some video. He said he hired a good camera outfit to film this thing he wants to show to Richard Simmons. He said this was the woman with no arms or legs (Celestine) getting ready to perform the Star Spangled Banner for his upcoming videotape, ''U.S. Open Sores.'' He played the audio where the crowd was booing her while she was begging for money. Howard forwarded through the tape to get to the part he wanted to hear. She went on to play the song with her tongue on a keyboard. Robin told Howard that the photography on the video was incredible. Howard liked that they had the American flag superimposed on Jackie's face at one point. He said the look on his own face was that of shock.
Howard said he would have liked to have seen her get dressed instead of playing the song. He wondered how she even gets her earrings in. He also said he really wants to show that to Richard Simmons to freak him out. He said he's really happy with the filming of the video. He said the orders for the video will be going out in six weeks or so if ordered quickly. That will be the first mailing, the second mailing he's not sure about. He said he was asked to make that announcement by the officials of video tape which was something he just made up.
Howard took a call from someone who said he ordered the tape already. Howard assured him he'd be on the first mailing then. He and the caller then spent a minute talking about Ed McMahon for a short time. They talked about the kind of money Ed must be making on The Tonight Show and how he's apparently made threats of leaving in the past. Howard said he can imagine how that would go and how Jackie's contract might be up in a few weeks. Jackie said it is and he might just hit them up with the same letter he sent to them last year. That led to Howard talking about his current contract and when that's up for renewal.
Gary came in and said he found a couple of the most offensive moments in the new video tape. He had Vinnie Mazzeo burning himself and Sucrete Gable singing. The guys talked about the burning Vinnie did and how the fire was burning in a way that they couldn't even put it out. Vinnie used an oil based lighter fluid that couldn't be put out. They talked about how much of the fluid Vinnie put on himself and how he ended up engulfed in flames.
Howard talked to the guy on the phone about what they had on this new video. He said you'll see everything that happened there when they were filming. He let that guy go and took another call. He ended up talking about the contracts he signs there at the station and they seem to go on forever. He said he likes the guys who sign for just one year. He did that once down in Washington DC but only because there was no money there. The caller said that he ordered his tape recently and was on and off the phone really quick. He said he got some good people take the calls this time. Last time they had some lame people answering phones.
Howard let that caller go and talked about the bet he had with Gary for the tennis match they did. He said that Gary won and took that money to buy an ugly vinyl coat. He wondered how much he spent on it. Gary said it was $430.
Robin said she was watching the news the other night and the local channel was showing coverage of the Grateful Dead concert. She said it was kind of odd because the audience is so young. That led to the guys talking about the Dead Heads and how they demand that the venues allow their fans to camp out outside of the venue.
Jackie said that he had some people heckle him the night before. He said it was this guy Wavy Gravy and David Peel too.
The guy on the phone said that he had gotten a ticket from Fred the Elephant boy. He went to the after party that everyone knew about because Celeste was telling everyone. The caller said he got into the party and then Crazy Jerry came up to him. He had some friends of his with him and all of a sudden Crazy Jerry comes in and then Siobhan comes in. Jerry couldn't stay quiet so security came up to the room. Crazy Jerry didn't know where Gina-Man was, he ended up losing him. That led to Jerry accusing him of losing him. Then Jerry went off on him saying that he wasn't invited to the party. Security came up and tried to get rid of them all. The caller said he paid for half of the room. He said he gave her half but then said he gave $25 of the $125 room. Howard couldn't figure out that math so the guy corrected himself with that.
Howard said that he tried to kick Jerry out of the room at one point because he was making phone calls. He said Jerry ended up punching him in the eye and then security came up again. He said they eventually hauled Jerry out of there. Howard ended up putting the guy on hold because he wasn't a great story teller. He had to go to break after that.
Howard and Robin spent a little while talking about that stuff but then got back to the guy on the phone who had the hotel room story. He also asked Gary to bring in Siobhan's manager who was also there at the hotel room. Howard told the caller that he wanted him to get to the point of the story and stop dragging it out. Siobhan's manager, Eric, came in a short time later and told Howard that he's a teacher usually and does the managing thing part time.
Howard wondered how people are making a living doing nothing while he has to work so hard. Robin said she wonders the same thing. The caller on the phone, Randy, reminded Eric who he was. Eric then went on to tell his part of the story but Randy said he had some of it wrong as soon as he started to tell the story. Eric gave a few details but they weren't learning all that much. They had Celeste on the phone too so Howard put her on. She said that these guys were telling lies and she didn't like her name being brought into it. She said she didn't tell all of those people to come to her room, it was Howard who told everyone. Howard said he's not the one who gave out her room number, she did.
Howard asked if anything happened at the hotel or not. Celeste said she had a guy there but Randy said that wasn't true. Howard was getting annoyed by that guy but he still didn't hang up on him. Celeste said that she got kicked out of her hotel room but she went to another room for a different party. She said they were supposed to get kicked out as well but she managed to go up there anyway. She said they knew she was going to go up either way but they just left her alone.
Howard asked Celeste if she serviced the guy she was hanging out with. She said she did but Randy said he didn't believe that. She said she saw this guy Scott who was throwing the party. She didn't do anything with him though. Randy wondered who would want her. Robin said you have to see the video tape just to see the way she walks on stage. It's very entertaining. Howard said he felt like the video cameras should still be rolling.
Howard said he really had to get out of this conversation. He couldn't take it anymore. Howard hung up on Randy who was getting way too annoying by yelling stuff out on the phone. Celeste said that guy didn't pay her for half the room either. Howard told her he didn't care and told her to stop calling him ''How'' the way she was. He said that he's not her friend.
Howard had to get out of the conversation but then Celeste said that Siobhan hooked up with some guy at the party so Howard anted to hear more about that. Siobhan's manager was getting annoying as well so he asked him to stay quiet as well. Gary came in and said that Celeste was hitting on his brother in front of his wife. She claimed she was just being nice, not hitting on him. Howard let Celeste go after that and also said goodbye to Siobhan's manager. He said he digs talking to the mental people from his show for about 5 minutes and then has to take a break from it.
Howard ended up talking to Eric more about what Celeste was up to over there at the party. He told Howard a couple of stories about what he saw going on there. Howard let him go a short time later. The guy asked if they had gotten his song parodies. Howard said they were working on that.
Howard had Rachel the Spanker on the phone so he asked her about what went on with her and Eric. Eric claimed that she had pulled up her skirt at the hotel. She was wearing nothing underneath it. Howard said that when a guy sees something like that they think that she's available. She said that guys find her hot but Howard told her that she's not all that attractive.
Howard talked to Rachel about what went on after she got kicked out of the hotel. Eric claimed that she had guys all over her when he saw her at the hotel. She said he wasn't there when she first got there though. Howard wanted to know the good stuff but Rachel was taking to long to get to it so he hung up on her. He told Eric to say hello to Siobhan for him and let him go as well.
Robin talked about how frightening looking Siobhan has gotten and said that's all on the video tape. Jackie said that Siobhan had something shoved up his nose when he saw him. He claimed that it was something to filter out the asbestos at his apartment or something. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard asked Richard to sit down but he wasn't listening and just kept talking and handing out the food he brought in. Richard asked Howard for a hug but Howard told him he had a cold. Richard didn't care and got his hug. Howard said he thinks he just exchanged bodily fluids with him when he hugged him. He also said he could see his ''meats'' hanging out of his shorts. Richard asked him to stop with that stuff. Howard said Richard was trolling for Cub Scouts with that outfit. Richard got a laugh out of that. He continued to hand out stuff to everyone. He got them all glasses with birds on them. Howard said they were very gay.
Howard asked Richard if he goes to the store and asks the store clerks to find him shorts that will allow his sack to hang out. Richard ignored those comments and asked everyone to put on the glasses. Howard interrupted and said he talked to Leslie West about the salad spray that Richard has out and how good it is. He said that each spray is only one calorie and he only needs to use four sprays on his salad.
Howard had to do a commercial and Richard wanted to help out but Howard told him he's really not very good at it so he wasn't going to let him. Howard told Richard about this video tape he's putting out and explained to him what kind of video they've shot. He wanted to show him one clip from the tape that no one had seen yet. He then played the clip where Celestine was playing the keyboard with her tongue. Richard thought it was very sweet when he first saw it. Then he saw her tongue and said he's never seen a tongue that big before. He said he had never seen anything like that before. Richard let out a squeal when he saw that size of the tongue. He asked how they met her. Robin said they read about her being kicked off the boardwalk down in Atlantic City and got in contact with her.
Howard cracked a joke about Richard being gay and he almost walked out. Howard said he knows he's into chicks. Richard said he asked Jane Fonda out so Howard asked if that's why he had vomit on his feet. Richard said she has a great body but Howard said she's almost a man at this point. Howard said he had to go to break and said that they'd talk to Richard more about how he asked out ''Peter... I mean Jane Fonda.'' Richard almost walked out again. Howard said he just screwed up, he didn't mean anything by that.
Howard asked Richard about this movie he shot and found out that Charles Nelson Riley was directing it. That led to Howard doing an impression of Charles for a few seconds. Howard asked him about who else is involved in the movie and mentioned a bunch of gay guys. He then showed Richard some of the Vinnie Mazzeo video where he lit himself on fire. Richard said he couldn't watch it and told Howard it was very dangerous. Howard told him that he's a mental case and just got out of a marijuana clinic.
Stuttering John came in and said that Howard's mother Ray was on the phone. Howard picked up and she said she just wanted to say hello to Richard. She told Howard to be nice to him because she really likes him. Howard said he was being nice to him. Ray said she thought for sure she was going to see Richard at the video taping for the tape Howard was releasing. Howard told his mother he thought she was off her rocker because she was complaining about the seats that she had there. She said that the fans really love Howard and the show was very good. She told Richard how great her son is most of the time but she also told Howard she wanted him to be nice to Richard today. Howard said he's always nice to her. He wanted to ask her some questions about her having sex with his father but she hung up on him before he could.
Richard asked Howard to please call his friend Michael Hebranco who had lost hundreds and hundreds of pounds using his diet. He gave Howard some vitamin pills to take and asked him again to call Michael. Howard didn't do it and asked him about this play he was getting started. Richard started to explain it and Jackie cracked a joke about how Michael Hebranco was going to play his mother in the play. Richard didn't appreciate the joking around.
Richard asked Howard to call her friend again but he still wasn't dialing. He eventually did dial so Richard asked him to please be nice to him, he's been through a lot. Howard got through to him and asked him about his weight loss. Michael said he's lost 706 pounds and he managed to get himself healthier. He was in a chair but not a wheel chair because he couldn't fit in one. Michael said that he started on Richard's deal-a-meal plan 20 months before and he lost all of that weight. Howard said that he guarantees he'll go back to eating like he used to when he sees this play that Richard is doing.
Howard cracked some jokes about Michael's weight and what he does with all of the skin. Michael said he has to have it surgically removed, he's already had 50 pounds of it taken off. Howard wondered if he kept any of it in a box. Michael and Richard both asked Howard to stop with the jokes. Howard told Michael to make a suitcase out of the extra skin for him as he was letting him go. Howard told Richard that he's an angel and a very, very good man. He said a few more nice words about him and then went to break.
Howard said he wasn't going to take Richard's check but Richard was going to write out the check. He asked why he couldn't do that. Howard told him he didn't want to take his money and he was being insincere about the whole thing. Richard said he wanted to treat 10 of his fans to free tapes. Howard said the guy could get a job and pay for it himself. Howard told Richard if he wanted to give away free tapes, he'd do that himself.
Howard asked Richard to stick around during the news but Richard wondered who was going to read it. He had no idea that Robin read the news on the show. He said he thought that she was just part of the team there. Howard asked Richard if he wanted to hear some of the Leona Helmsley bits they created. Richard remained silent. He eventually broke his silence and asked Howard if he wanted the check for the tapes made out to him or to cash. Howard said he'd take it as cash.
Howard said Richard always runs out like he's running off the show even though it's really just time for him to leave. He said he wishes that he would spend more time there with them. He had Robin read through a few more stories and then read some info they got on the hotel stories they heard earlier. There were reports about people doing things like peeing in the ice machine at the hotel and things like that. That led to Howard talking more about the video tape he was selling and saying that the tape is really great but he doesn't want people to think he's hawking it just to sell something. He said it's really a great tape and he thinks that people will really like it.
Howard tried to call Rudy Giuliani's office to let him know that he was going to back him in the election. He made the call and got into the press office who put him through to the campaign manager. Howard said he wanted to talk to Rudy himself but he wasn't sure if that was going to happen. He got the press office again and asked who he could talk to that was the top person there. The woman who answered said that person was on his way in. Howard said he wanted to make an announcement about who he was going to back and she said that she didn't know what to say. Howard wondered why Rudy hadn't called him to thank him for his support. She said that she would put him on if he was there. Howard said he might just call someone else if they don't give him some recognition.
The press woman told Howard that Rudy was on his way to an event and he couldn't call in. Howard asked her if she had ordered her video yet. He plugged the tape again and told her how quick he could get it to her within 4-6 weeks if she ordered today. Gary said that she might want to let Rudy know that he can stop in on the show if he's up at the Spanish station there. She said she'd let him know.
Howard told the woman that they should be doing anything they could to get someone higher up to call into the show so he can give his endorsement. She said that she didn't have a way to get in touch with the campaign manager, he was on his way in though. She said she could go see who else was there so Howard had her do that. She disappeared for a few minutes and then came back and told Howard that they really didn't have anyone there for him to talk to. He figured that no one knew how to respond to his call. She said that there was hardly anyone there and he should call back in a short time and ask to talk to Peter Powers the campaign manager. Howard let her go a short time later. He had Robin get back to her news.
Howard took some phone calls and one woman asked if she could get some Rolling Stones tickets. He told her she had to rub her phone up against her breasts but she had no idea what he was talking about. Howard told her she could also win if she took off all of her clothes and farted some Stones songs. Fred played some fart sounds to help her out. Howard hung up on her.
Howard called into the Giuliani campaign office again and asked to speak to Peter Powers the campaign manager. He was transferred and a woman picked u