|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about the death of Osama bin Laden. He said he was reading about what the President announced last night in his speech. Howard said the Navy SEALs went in and did the job. Howard said he thinks that America has felt very dejected after 9/11 since it's been nearly 10 years since 9/11. He said it's a great thing and if you remember back to that horrible ''Monday'' a lot of people lost people in that attack. Howard said Osama had been around for a while and he had tried to destroy the World Trade Center before. He said this guy was a thorn in the side but sort of a joke until he pulled off the 9/11 thing. He said that he masterminded this ridiculous plan and it somehow got pulled off. Howard said it was 10 years in the waiting but they did it.
Howard said Osama was in Pakistan and they found out where he was like a year ago. He said they held off on attacking the area to give him a false sense of security. Howard said the guy is a real coward because he puts other people up to suicide missions. He was also living in a highly populated area. Howard said they had a woman being held as a human shield. Howard said he would lead others to kill themselves and use people as human shields. He said the guy was a scum bag and you can't forget that.
Howard said this guy killed 3,000 American's and took credit for it. He was proud of what he did. Howard said the guy became a real symbol of a guy who could defy America. Howard said the guy was born into a very rich family and he figured out many years ago when the Russians attacked Afghanistan that they could humiliate these super powers. He organized the maniac jihadists and kept it going.
Howard said he read about Lara Logan and how she was talking about her attack. The guys were yelling that she was a Jew and that made it alright for them to attack her. They had it all wrong though. She wasn't a Jew. Howard said that's a whole other story. He said they'll never bring anyone to trial for that whole thing. He said they claim they're going to round them up. He said that won't happen.
Howard got back to Osama and said that 3,000 people died that day and he can't forget. No one can forget that day. He said Osama lived in the biggest house in the neighborhood in Pakistan. He said they say it was worth about a million dollars and it was six times bigger than the other homes in the area. Robin said he was very well protected there though. They didn't have any internet or phone there. He said that they even burned their own garbage so no one would see any of their stuff. Robin said they had couriers coming and going from there too.
Howard said the military kept an eye on the compound and they were trying not to spook the guy from leaving. Howard said they had to figure out a way to get into the compound. They weren't going to let him get away this time. He said this was some operation that was going on there. He said it was the Navy SEALs and they came in on a helicopter and with ground forces and exchanged fire with Osama and his people. They say that they shot him in the head.
Howard said this probably won't change the war on terror. He said Osama brought this to us and now we've shown that you can end up with a bullet in your head if you do something like that. Howard said this is a day to celebrate and a day to celebrate our military. Howard said they should be off today. He said we should be running up and down sitting on lamp posts like those Egyptians.
Howard said it's a great day and we should be very proud of our military. Howard said the guy was like a rat and it's hard to rout out one. It's a nation of rats and they were able to creep into the rat hole. Howard said this was no easy feat for the military. Howard said it's like finding a rat with a white tipped nose in Manhattan. He said they found this particular rat and they got him. He said they did it without any civilian casualties. Robin said they say they buried him at sea and they did it quickly. Robin said he's in the sea and they do that so no one can erect any monuments. Robin said she'd like to see the people who want to see him go out there to sea.
Howard said he guesses they wanted proof that he was dead and they apparently have pictures. Robin said that they do have the DNA evidence. She said that they're not going to let them have a funeral for the guy though. She said they put them out to sea and let his people try to go find him. Howard said the guy was a scum bag and he wants to say a personal ''fuck you'' to him. He said he's glad he's not breathing the same air he's breathing ''you cock sucking fuck.''
Howard said he knows that it's symbolic but he's dead and gone now. Howard said he's been taught a lesson and he has to give a hand to the military for what they did.
Howard said he was out watching the movie Thor and he loves these movies because you want to see a hero and see someone win in the end. He said the real heroes are these guys like the Navy SEALs who put on a uniform and do this stuff and we never see who they are. He said we'll never know who put the bullet through Osama's head. He said he'd love to see the guy get famous and fuck hot chicks on TV. He said he'd like to see that guy fucking Hollywood chicks, not Sean Penn. Howard said it's guys like that who deserve it.
Howard said these guys are such heroes that we won't even know what they did. Howard said he would love to hear the story blow by blow. Robin said there are plenty of stories that she'd love to hear. She said she'd like to know what women were in that compound with Osama. Howard said they did use that woman as a human shield. Howard said they don't want casualties. Robin said any woman in the compound with Osama has to be a prisoner.
Howard said Sandra Bullock should be sucking off one of these guys, not someone in Hollywood. Robin said that Justin Timberlake is getting the hot chicks in Hollywood, not these guys. Howard said all jokes aside, this is a tremendous accomplishment. He said he thinks it's terrific. He said that they are the real heroes.
Howard said he doesn't think Trump needs this. He said the guy is a builder and not that many people have gotten famous doing that. He said it's an amazing thing to become famous for that. He said he probably takes no advice as far as public relations. He said he has gotten famous on his own but now he's becoming hated by a lot of people. He said they embarrassed him at that event and he could tell the guy was embarrassed. Howard said the guy doesn't need this and he's not coming off well.
Howard said he was watching Seth Meyers joking right to Trump's face and he was being very funny doing it. Howard played some of the audio from that event. Seth was making fun of his run for President and his hair and stuff like that. Howard said he could see that Trump wasn't comfortable there. He said he's not sure why he even showed up. Howard said he didn't think he was having a good time.
Howard played more of Seth's roast of Trump. Seth had joke after joke about Trump's Presidential run and some comments he's made lately.
Howard said this is all fun and games until someone starts firing back. He said Trump must be wondering what he needs this for. He played more of Seth goofing on Trump.
Howard said Obama even started in on Trump. He played that audio too. Obama was joking about how he should be following up on Mitt Romney passing universal health care in Massachusetts. Trump said that Donald can now get back to focusing on the things that matter and finding out if we faked the moon landing and things like that.
Howard said he's not sure why Trump needs this. He said he might realize that soon and give up. Gary came in and said that some people think that Obama made his speech last night just so he could interrupt The Celebrity Apprentice which is Trump's show.
Howard said he asked some people but they didn't know why. He said they remain at channel 100 though. He said they didn't want to give him channel 1 when he got there. He said he wanted 100 if he couldn't have channel 1. He said it's very easy to remember. He said he was jealous of Z-100 because it was so easy to remember.
Jon Hein said that there is no channel 1 on XM radio so they moved Hits 1 to channel 1. Howard said that makes no sense. Howard asked if XM radios are going to have the same channel line up as Sirius radios. Jon said that's what they're doing. He said they should be the same on both services. Howard's channels are the same on both already.
Yucko joked that Howard was on channel 36 this morning and he wasn't sure what was going on. Howard asked Yucko what he wanted to say about Osama. Yucko said Jon Hein ruined his jokes so he didn't have anything to say.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's happy Osama is dead and he's not even American. He asked if DePace is happy that Osama is dead. Scott DePace said he's very happy. The caller asked why bush wasn't able to do this. Howard said he tried. The caller said that a year after Bush said he wasn't even thinking about Osama. Howard said he's just glad the guy is gone.
The caller asked what should happen to Pakistan now. Howard said the guy who runs Pakistan can't win. He said he has to walk a tight rope. He said the people who live in these countries have a tough time and they're fucked. He said they can't in either way.
Howard said there was a woman in Libya saying she'd rather have the Jews or the American's in there than Gaddafi. He said they've said it about other leaders over there too. Howard said these people are all fucked. He said they're kooks too and dealing with them isn't easy. He said you just want to hide your head in the sand.
The caller said that India could wipe Pakistan off the map but we protect them from India. Howard said that we made it possible for Saddam Hussein to become the leader of Iraq. He said that it's very difficult to know what to do. He said there have been many Presidents who don't know what to do with that area over there. He said you can't discipline these people. You have to kill them or lock them up or let them run wild. We're like the parents of the world and we have to take care of all of these people. He said we're fucked if we sit it out or if we go in.
Howard said it's fantastic that Osama is dead. The caller agreed. Howard said Robin should offer herself up to the Navy SEALs. Howard said she should be spreading for them if she's going to spread for anyone. Robin said if she could get to the guy then maybe she would. Howard said he's afraid that Robin is closing up down there because she's not getting nay cock.
Howard said he sees these women swooning over Johnny Depp and not over the Navy SEALs. Robin asked what he would do if the guy who killed Osama was gay. Howard said he would suck the guy off if the guy was gay. He said he's sure that the guy wouldn't want him doing it even if he was gay.
Howard got back to the Navy SEALs thing and talked about how great it is that people volunteer for those jobs. He said that they handled the whole thing beautifully. Howard said Osama was a coward and he would send people out to die. He said the guy hides behind women. Howard said if they had captured the guy it would have been an endless circus with him. Howard said he bets that he had his hands up like a coward as they blew him away. He said he imagines him begging for mercy and one of our guys just blowing his head off.
Howard said that he was a rat fuck and he's glad he's dead. Howard said none of the Navy SEALs will come forward and say they did this. He said they're the real heroes.
Howard said he saw Thor in 3D and he loved it. He said he's not a big fan of 3D but he liked the way they did it. He said it's fun. Robin said that Kenneth Branagh directed it. She said she was afraid it wasn't going to be good but it's getting good reviews. Howard said the movie was good and they had some great actors in it. He said that they had Anthony Hopkins in the movie as the father. Robin, Fred an Howard all had trouble coming up with his name when it came up.
Howard said the weakest part of the movie was Natalie Portman. He said she's very tiny next to him and they needed a bigger woman next to the guy. He said he found it hard to believe that he was falling for Natalie Portman. He said he should have had Chynna Doll or someone taller like that. Howard said she did a fine job in the movie but physically she didn't look right for the part.
Howard said the movie was very good and they had him using that hammer and it was very good how he revealed himself as a god and all of that. He said the movie is one he'd recommend.
Howard said he heard that Jason and Ralph saw the movie too and they loved it. He said his wife loved it too. She usually falls asleep during movies like that but she liked it. Robin was glad to hear that because she was afraid it wasn't going to work.
Howard said he read that Superman has renounced his U.S. Citizenship in the comic books. Howard said they're accusing him of politicizing his stuff so he's no longer a citizen. Howard said his wife is from America so he's going to have to pick a side. Howard said he will always love Superman though. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and sang along to the song and talked about what a great day it was. He said it's great that they announced this Osama thing on a Monday since 9/11 happened on a Monday. Fred and Robin corrected him on that and said it was actually on a Tuesday. Howard said he thought it was a Monday.
Howard said as soon as people announce that Osama is dead people are in the streets celebrating. Howard said he saw David Arquette in Washington DC with a group of people in the middle of the night. Howard said he doesn't know who these people are that can get out of work and go out and celebrate. Robin said it is interesting.
Howard said he was watching the Royal Wedding and they declared it a holiday over there. He said they could have held it on a Saturday but they did it during the week. He said it looks like it's so not fun. He said when women get married they make the classic blunder of dressing up to look uglier than they usually are. He said that people walk in looking like total strangers. He said these women put on a dress that your grandmother wouldn't even wear. He said they put their hair up in a bun and look awful. Howard said you look at this and wonder if it's a test to find out if the guy will marry the woman at her ugliest.
Howard said Beth looked hot in their wedding but most of the time the women don't look good in wedding dresses. Robin said the dress was ugly. She said that this one was ugly and so was Diana's. Howard said this whole thing helps tourism over there in England. He said that's why they make such a big deal out of it.
Howard said it's so boring to watch this thing on TV. He said it was the most boring thing ever. He said he liked the Brad Grey wedding because he had some interesting things going on.
Howard said the guy who married them in this Royal Wedding was so boring. He said he was lecturing and going on and on. He said that they make them miserable at the wedding. Howard said they should make it fun. He said he and Beth got married by Mark Conseulos and they didn't take long to do it. They just did it while people were drinking. This is the way it should be all the time.
Robin said the music was awful at that wedding too. Howard said he had Natalie Maines there at his wedding. He said his point is that a wedding can be fun and the bride can be pretty.
Howard talked about how unbelievable it is what goes on at those things. He said they had a special on Friday morning called ''A Royal Waste of Time'' with Beetlejuice, Ass Napkin Ed, Wendy the Retard, High Pitch Eric and Big Foot. Howard said they were covering the wedding. Howard said he thinks it was the best coverage out there.
Howard played some audio from the show where Lisa G was talking to a woman on the phone and the Wack Pack were all chiming in on that. Howard said Wendy the Retard got pissed at Ass Napkin Ed at one point. He played that clip where Ed interrupted a guy Lisa was speaking to on the phone asking if he gets a boner and jerks off to this stuff. Wendy asked if that's all Ed cares about and told him to grow up. Howard said you can hear that Wendy is missing most of her teeth now. He said he thinks that soda and stuff is rotting out her mouth. Wendy told Ed to go suck his own dick. She didn't understand why all he could think of was sex.
Howard said it was a weird group but a great show. He said they had live reports from England. He had a clip where they were responding to Kate Middleton's dress for the first time. Lisa and a woman on the phone were talking about the dress and Lisa said she was going to cry because it was so bad. She asked the Wack Pack what they thought and they were talking about how she looked fat in it. Ed said he'd hit it. High Pitch Eric said he thought she looked fat. Lisa said that it was like Grace Kelly's gown.
Howard said that must be what it sounds like to be in a mental institution. Howard said they started praying after that so he played that clip. Lisa asked them to pray along with the wedding prayer. Beet didn't want to do it. High Pitch Eric did the prayer thing instead. Beet joined in with that and had a comment for each thing Eric said.
Howard said Gary was down on the street and saw that Sour Shoes was parked out there with High Pitch. He said the car smelled really bad and Gary had to get out of there. He said he saw some of the coverage and that will be on Howard TV soon. He said Sour does some really great impressions. He said he crosses his eyes when he does it and it drives him crazy.
Howard said they Tweeted out a picture of all of the Wack Packers on Twitter. He said Tim was freaking out last week when they did it. He said that Big Foot showed up with his head shaved. They didn't think much of it but he finally revealed why he did it. He said Tim had to burn all of the headphones after he admitted it. Howard played the audio of Big Foot telling them what it was that made him shave his head. He said he got scabies from a girl so he had to shave his head.
Howard said Tim got pissed because they should have known ahead of time. Howard said Tim called all rattled from that whole thing. Howard said that's a little taste of what went on for two hours.
Howard said he tuned in to watch the wedding. He said he just watched the vows and stuff. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked if that was Adele. Fred said it was and it's the number 2 song. Howard said she's pretty good. Fred said she's real good. He said she's kind of chubby but a great singer. Howard said he was wondering what she looked like. Howard said you hear her voice and think she's hot.
Howard asked Robin if she's been watching ''The Voice'' and she just shook her head. She had a mouth full of vegetables. Howard said she sent him a note over the weekend and she started it off with ''Hi, it's Robin!'' and it obviously wasn't her writing it. Howard said she has a marketing person writing them. Howard said he gets annoyed with them. Robin said she has some people write her back at her email address.
Howard said they invited him to a web chat she was doing about Peru. He asked who the woman was interviewing her. Robin said it was a woman who is working with her on creating her web site. Her name is Howa. Howard said he's going to change his name to Howa. It's like a female version of his name anyway.
Howard played some clips from Robin's web chat. He asked what's going on with this. Robin said it was an hour long chat and she has a web site she wants people to start interacting with her on. Howard said she has a branding expert working with her. Robin said that's what Howa does. Howard asked if she knows what she's doing because she's turning him off.
Howard said this is the most annoying thing he's ever heard Robin say. He said he wanted to jump through the radio when he heard this. Howard played a clip where Robin talked about how she doesn't warm up her voice in the morning because she eats right. She said there is something wrong with your diet if you have that throat clearing thing going on. Robin said she sounds exactly like that when she wakes up.
Howard said she's making herself out to be some kind of superwoman. Robin said she was just saying she used to have to warm up her voice. She doesn't have to do that now.
Howard said Robin also talked about him in this chat. Howard played the clip where Robin said that Howard was the biggest inspiration in her life. She said that Howard has taught her so much over the 30 years they've worked together.
Robin was asked if she ever thought about putting out a line of clothes for big chested women. Robin said she should do that and she would like to sit with some engineers to figure that out. Howard said Robin had another revelation about how she might write another book soon. She said she doesn't have anything to announce yet though. Howard said he hopes that she doesn't write about wanting to stomp on his face again in that book.
Howard asked how many people tuned in for that chat. Robin had no idea. Howard said she also talked about her Ayahuasca thing in the chat. He played a clip of her talking about that and how she doesn't believe in relying on drugs to help you through life. She said that she is going to move on after doing the Ayahuasca thing.
Howard said a lot of people saw Robin getting rubbed down on the side of the road by a guy who had cookies and candy that he put in a bag to rub on her. Howard said they found the guy and had some audio of him talking about rubbing her down. Howard said the guy admitted that he ripped Robin off and took her money. He said she was a black woman with big breasts and he ripped her off. He was just making all of that up of course.
Howard said their agent made a big announcement this morning. He said that Buchwald has merged his L.A. office with the Fortitude agency. Howard said Don has been great for his career. He said that Don told him about this merger and they want to become bigger. He said Don wants to expand out his company and that's what he'd doing with this. Howard said he liked that it was a boutique agency. He said Don has had offers to sell his agency over the years but he wants to keep it and expand it. Howard said he congratulates him on that. He's not sure what they're going to call the business though. He said he likes the company. Howard said Don also killed bin Laden.
Howard said today was the shittiest day to make the announcement. No one is going to hear about it with the Osama thing going on. Howard said he's been with Don for over 30 years. Robin said he has not. Howard said he's been with him for 50 100 years like Beetlejuice would say. Robin said it's been more like 27 years or so.
Lisa said they have more details about Robin in the news. She said that she said she might want to adopt a child. Howard said he had to hear that. Lisa said that she didn't have a clip of that. Lisa said that Robin talked about a child her family had for a few years and Robin was going to adopt the child. He was adopted by another family. Robin said she thought she was going to adopt the child but she ended up meeting him about 30 years later.
Lisa said that Gilbert Gottfried apologized for spitting in the hallway there. She said that he was sorry for what he did and said he was sorry to Howard and his fans for what he did. Robin asked why it took Howard being upset for him to apologize. Howard said he thinks Gilbert thought they found it funny when he spit on the cupcakes last time. He said it was an unfortunate thing and if he did that again that would be it for him being on the show.
Hunter said in 2009 he said they should bomb Pakistan. He said he got reprimanded for saying that back then. He said he got in trouble for talking to Howard and the press. He said he was told he could be thrown in jail for talking about any of that.
Howard said he thought the whole operation was great and you have to praise the military for what they do. Robin said Hunter joined up after 9/11 too. She said we have to talk about that. Howard said these guys don't even look for credit for what they do. Hunter said they're the real deal and that's what he aspired to be when he was a kid.
Howard talked about how great these Navy SEALs are. Hunter said he likes how they dumped his body in the ocean a day after he was killed. Howard said it's a wonderful day. Hunter said he would have called in earlier but they threatened him with a bunch of shit. He said there's a lot of politics going on. He said he wants to go out and fight but there are dudes who won't let them do it. He said he wasn't able to say that on the air. He said he talked about killing someone with a bomb with Howard's name on it. He said that they did some great shit over there.
Howard asked what kind of shit he did. Hunter said they raided a village that ambushed him. He said he did a fake thing where they had a convoy go out to one town and turn around to come back. He said he hid in the village as a spotter and waited for them to come out when they saw the convoy in the other town. He said it was a good day and he's not sure how many people he killed. He just said it was a good day.
Howard said this operation was great and they pulled it off. Robin said that she really wants an autopsy so they can find out what kind of condition he was in. They said he was dying of cancer and all of that but she'd like to know what was really going on. She thinks that he was in bad shape dietarily and it warped his brain.
Lisa G wrapped up with a story about The Beets being big fans of Howard's. She said they listen to Howard 8 hours a day. Howard had Fred play some of their stuff. He liked what he was hearing. He said they sound kind of like the Ramones. He said they mix their music in a very strange way. Fred said it reminded him of someone he knows. He played some of Howard's ''Silver Nickels And Golden Dimes'' that he wrote and performed as a child. Howard said he was in sixth grade and it's one of his best songs. He let that song play through and said his singing style was very much like The Beets. Howard played his second song ''Psychadellic Bee'' too. He said this was about drugs and it should turn Robin on because of her Ayahuasca thing. Howard laughed at some of the song when the drums would come in.
Howard said he jut went over to the memorial and it was near his apartment. He said he read that Phoebe was Jewish but they had her in an open casket. Howard said he was kind of surprised by that. Robin asked what he's going to have. Howard said he will have an open casket too. He said people need to see proof that he's dead. He said he wants his body to be taken out on tour. He said he will do 10 major cities like King Tut. He's going to wear a suit and people will see him beautifully entombed. Howard said he will have his eyes closed of course. He said he doesn't want to upset people. He said he'll actually have sunglasses on. He said that's how people will want to see him.
Howard said he has to start making provisions for that stuff. He wants a large sausage stuffed in his pants. He said he'd like to be entombed in glass right there and he can sit in his chair so people can behold him in his natural habitat. He said people can hit a button and hear him speak. He can say something like ''I'm Fartman!'' or something short like that.
Howard said Billy Joel told him about how Phoebe was the one who told him to release ''Just the Way You Are'' on his album. Howard said Billy didn't want to put it on but Phoebe heard it and told him that was a hit.
Howard said he didn't look in on Phoebe's body. He said he heard it didn't look like her. He said that Beth asked if he wanted to go kneel with her. He said he doesn't kneel so they just sat in a pew. He said he told her to say a prayer there. He said he didn't pray but he thought about the great times he had with her.
Howard said he was talking to Phoebe's sister and she's a huge fan of the show. He said she was quoting bits from like 20 years ago that he didn't even remember. Howard said he had met her a couple of times before and she thanked him for being so good to Phoebe. Howard said she did things for him, he didn't do anything or her. Howard said she sang at his wedding and did so many shows with them. Howard said she was a very gifted singer. Howard said he and Beth took Phoebe out to dinner a few months before their wedding and she really opened up about her daughter. Howard said he saw one of her last concerts and it was remarkable. Howard said it was a very emotional roller coaster. He said she loved her daughter and loved food too. Howard said when she was thin she looked terrific. He said she didn't care about the outward look though. Howard said Beth eats like a bird so Phoebe ended up finishing her meal. Howard said she was a great guitar player too. He said she had a slew of medical problems.
Howard asked Lisa if she had something else. Lisa said she was just waiting for him to let her go. Howard said she could leave now. He told her she did a great job with the Royal Waste of Time show.
Howard said he went to ABC Kitchen and loved it. He said he went there before going to see Thor. He told Robin that she could probably find a man there. Howard asked Robin what Prince William's last name is. Robin said it was Windsor. Howard said she's right. Fred said that's the name they use but it's actually Saxe-Coburg.
Bobo called in and asked how the Hamptons shoot went with Beth. Howard said he did a different shoot this weekend. He did one at WEHM radio in South Hampton. He shot Anthony in the Afternoon. He said he's doing a study of radio personalities and that's what he was photographing. Howard said he took pictures of the Wrap Up Show last week and he will take some of Fred too.
Robin asked what Howard told this Anthony guy to do. Howard said he planned ahead and called over there and spoke to the station manager. He said he asked to take some pictures and talked to Anthony about it too. He said that Anthony told him to bring some food. Howard said he brought in some sandwiches and deserts. He said he hung with the guys from WEHM. He said he observed the show and they did have some questions for him. He said Anthony was doing everything himself there. Howard said the board is about as big as Robin's arm. He said the studio is very small. He said he captured Anthony doing his thing. Howard said it's another great photo shoot. Robin asked what interesting things he took. Howard said he got some shots of Anthony that make him appear to represent the whole industry. He told Robin she'll never see these photos though.
Bobo asked if he's going to get into this even more. Howard said he's not sure what he's going to do. He said he has been doing a lot of photographing there at Sirius and he got some shots of the Wrap Up Show and of Sal doing his work.
Robin said she saw a special about photographs of Princess Diana and they were talking about bringing some part of her out in each photo. She asked if Howard is a portrait photographer like that. Howard said he's not. He said he had some plans for Beth to be in Hamptons magazine but Beth put her foot down. He said he won't say what it was because he may save it for someone else.
Howard said he's into it and he's working away. He said the biggest problem he has is organizing his photos. He said he wishes someone would show him what to do. Howard said he's becoming an expert with Photoshop too. He said he's improving upon his photographs with that. Howard said some pictures are so brilliant that he can't Photoshop them.
Howard said at one point he hopped in his car and ran out to get some pictures. Robin said he could have gone out last night to capture people cheering about the Osama bin Laden stuff. Howard said he could have but he chose to sleep instead.
Robin said there's a show called Gigolos that they have on Showtime and they show sex acts that they're doing with these women they're with.
Howard said that Sal and Richard did a Jack and Rod phone call that's really good. They took the laughs of Seth Rogen and Maria Menounos and had them laughing during their ''Jack and Rod Show'' while talking to someone about drug addiction. Howard played some of Maria's laugh in a song parody that Dan the Song Parody Man created.
Howard played the Jack and Rod Show bit that he was talking about. In that bit Sal and Richard had a woman on the line trying to talk their son and daughter out of smoking pot. They had Seth and Maria laughing with their goofy laughs and saying a few other things that made it sound like they didn't want to give up smoking.
Howard said that's one of his favorites. He said he loves it. He said one of his favorite moments last week was Ronnie saying that he can't say the ''L-word'' to his girlfriend. He said it really is a man's world. He said that Ronnie Tweeted a picture of his girlfriend in her panties over the weekend. Robin thought they were in a public bathroom because there was an ad on the wall. Howard said it's probably in his house. It was a Nextel Cup Series poster thing. Howard said they just retweeted the picture. Ronnie said he took it real quick with his cell phone. Howard told him to light it properly next time. Howard said the girlfriend gets an A+ and Ronnie gets a C- for his photography.
Howard said Eli Braden sent in a song about Ronnie. Eli sang about the word ''Love'' and how Ronnie won't say it. It was to the tune of ''The Love Boat'' theme.
Fred played Ronnie saying ''Whatever dude'' and some other stuff. Ronnie said that today is Stephanie's birthday so he had to say happy birthday to her. Howard had some more songs from Eli Braden. He had a bunch about Robin's boobs.
Howard let Ronnie go and said that he got a note from Fred about this book that came out about classic rock. He read about how Robert Plant loathes the song ''Stairway to Heaven.'' There was a story about Neil Young being unhappy that he wrote the song ''Ohio'' because he was taking advantage of the story and the four kids that died.
Howard talked about a few other stories he read about some various songs. He read about an Elton John song that he doesn't even know the meaning of. There was a story about ''Lucky Man'' and how it was written when the guy was 12 years old originally.
Howard said Elton John hated one of his songs ''Don't let the Sun Go Down on Me'' that turned out to be a big hit. Howard said the book is ''Classic Rock Stories: The Stories Behind the Greatest Songs of All Time'' by Tim Morse.
Howard read a story about Scotty McKnight writing some really weird stuff in his school journal when he was a kid. He wrote some threatening stuff about his teacher. He claims that he and his friend were just writing really wild stuff to see who could outdo the other. Howard said he would never write anything like that down. It will come to bite you in the ass eventually.
Robin said she was watching a movie about a couple of kids from Africa who made it to Las Vegas because they got into some kind of competition. Howard said he gets her point and he should start a magic scholarship. Robin said it's not about that. She said that it's about the kids being able to do things that they believe they can do. They can learn to do this stuff by reading books. She said it's amazing.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she has the same feeling she had back in 2001 when she called in after losing her friend Jodi in 9/11. She said she had to thank him for making her feel good today.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Bill Maher had mentioned him this weekend. He told Howard what he said but Howard an Robin didn't get what he was talking about. Howard said he's up for a battle with Bill if he wants it. He said he likes his show and he thinks he's a funny guy. The caller said Maher was talking about how he doesn't joke about Trump's hair but Howard Stern will. Howard said he thinks that farts are funny and if low brow jokes make you laugh, fine. He said laughter is laughter. He's all for having fun and laughing. He said that these guys talking about jokes being too low brow is beyond comprehension for him.
Howard and the caller also talked about Jerry Seinfeld not using profanity in his act and he threw out a joke because he had to use the F-word in it. The caller also asked Howard to bring back Miserable Men. Howard said he didn't get rid of them. He said they wanted to end the show so that's what they did.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's tired of people glomming off his success. He said Gary has that book deal and he's parlayed his job into success. He has Ronnie too and he's with that chick who he thinks could be an escort if he won't say he loves her and won't marry her and have kids. Howard said he doesn't mind all of that. He kind of enjoys it. the guy said Ronnie looks like Paul Teutel Sr. from ''American Chopper'' and he looks like a dick.
Ronnie came in so the caller told him to get out of there. Howard asked Ronnie what kind of birth control he's using. Ronnie said Stephanie is on this Nuvaring thing. He doesn't even know what it is. Howard asked if he's afraid that he'll get her pregnant. Ronnie said he doesn't want to listen to this guy laughing on the phone. He said he's a moron. Howard asked why he doesn't wear a condom. Ronnie said he hates them. He said he won't get her pregnant. He's not worried about that.
The caller kept saying that this girl was an escort. Ronnie just went with it and asked who that guy is dating. The guy said he has a girlfriend. Ronnie ended up talking over the caller so Howard would hang up on him. It worked. Howard said he had to let the guy go. He said he had to take a break anyway.
Howard asked Ronnie about the Osama bin Laden thing. Ronnie said that Evan is saying he wants to see the body. He doesn't believe that he's dead. Robin said that Osama would be the first to dispel the rumor if he wasn't dead. Ronnie said he believes that he's dead. He said that it was Evan who was saying he didn't.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Alec Baldwin was blatantly hitting on Beth on Access Hollywood. Howard said he did see that. He said Alec was saying that he was in love with Beth and if anything happens to Howard he'd like to date her. Howard said he thinks that he was quite taken with Beth. He said he thinks he was joking around though.
Howard played the audio of Alec talking to Beth and Beth was giggling and seemed to like the attention. Alec was talking about politics and then Alec said if Howard were to slip and fall and impale himself on a chess piece he thinks that Beth would be a great political wife. Alec said that Howard would torture him about his ex-wife and he would always give him the business. Howard said he told Beth if she wants to be with him, good luck. He said he would be livid if she actually left him for Alec.
Howard said that interview was supposed to be about Alec's TV show or something he was working on. He said he'd be livid if that's what they aired. Howard said he's fine with all of that though. He was entertained by the whole thing. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Steven was supposed to be there today but he had some family stuff going on so he wasn't able to make it in. He said he will be back though.
Howard said he doesn't get guys who are into sports so much that they get beaten up for wearing the wrong team's jersey. He said some guy got beat up outside of a stadium and now he's in a coma just for wearing the wrong jersey outside Dodger Stadium.
Howard said Wolfie got some interviewed some Philly fans about that incident. The fans were saying that people should expect to get fucked up if they show up wearing the wrong jersey. Some guys said they have fucked up some people in Mets jerseys. Howard said it's very violent out there.
Howard said he thinks that the girl who married the prince in England has a sister who is way hotter. Howard said her name is Pippa. Howard said Pippa's dress was way hotter than Kate's was. He said Kate looked horrible.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll be talking about the Osama news and find out how everyone is feeling. Jon said they'll also talk about Donald Trump. That led to Howard going over the stuff he went over earlier in the morning about Trump.
Howard got his replacement oatmeal. He said that he didn't want any syrup in it and his order earlier had some in it. He said he wants dry oatmeal, that's it. He said they assume that he wants syrup in it. He said they didn't have the banana in it either. Howard asked Will what's going on. He said he gets fucked every time. Howard said he never said he wanted to cut up the banana himself. He said he wants to kill himself for lunch. He said everyone should be happy today but now he's not happy. Howard said it's going to be cold if he has them put the banana in there. He said he has to hire a chef to do this stuff for him. Howard said he needs a Navy SEAL to come in and do this for him. Howard said he's just going to eat this shit even though he hates it. He told Robin she'd throw up if she saw what he eats every day.
Howard said he will have a good dinner today. He said he's taking Gary out to dinner for his birthday. Howard said he likes Gary. He said he's starting to get to know him after 30 years. He said he likes his wife too. That led to Howard doing an impression of Gary talking while he eats his shrimp. Fred got in on that too. Howard was making noises like Gary would make while eating.
Jon said that they're going to talk about the new channel line up and how they're going to call Sirius Hits 1 even after they move the channel to channel 2. Howard said he can't believe they're doing that. He said whoever decided to do that should be fired.
Robin ended up going off on Howard about the way he eats and how clearing your throat has something to do with your diet. Howard said we get it. He told her to stop yelling at him. Robin said she just wants Howard to pay attention to his body.
Robin read about how American's are being warned about travel because of the fears of retaliation for the death of Osama bin Laden. Robin said the State Department says that there may be some anti-American violence so you should limit the travel outside of your homes. Howard said he's fine with that. He likes staying home.
Robin read about Osama's death and how President Obama made the announcement last night. Robin had some audio of his speech last night. Howard said that's so great. Robin had some audio of President Bush and some other various news about what people are saying about the killing of Osama. She had some audio of some citizens being interviewed out on the streets last night. They took a break after that.
After the break, around 9:40am, Robin got back to her news. She had some news about John McCain talking about what's going on in Libya.
Howard took a call from a guy who said today was a great day and it's his birthday today. He said he will be celebrating it in more than one way from now on. Howard said it really is a wonderful day. Another caller said he can't believe they finally got that cock sucker. He said he's glad that goat fucker is finally dead. He said so many families were destroyed after 9/11. Howard said he's glad the guy is dead now and it sends a message to these fuckers. He said it's a symbolic thing at least.
Robin read about the tornadoes that ripped through a bunch of states last week. Robin said they killed over 300 people. Robin had some audio of the Governor of Alabama talking about that. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read some news about the Royal Wedding and that led to them talking about the young boy's in the choir that sang at the wedding. Howard said it looks really bad to see something like that. Robin had some audio of a kid talking about the wedding. Howard said that kid is going to grow up to be a mess. Howard said his father would have told him to shut up. He said he used to sound just like him. Howard played the kid again and played his father saying ''Shut up! Sit down!'' He also had him saying ''I told you not to be stupid you moron.'' Howard wondered how you tell a moron not to be stupid.
Robin read about Donald Trump and how he went on FOX and Friends the morning after the Correspondents dinner and talked about how many jokes were about him. Trump said he thought it was inappropriate with the way the economy is right now. Robin said that Trump said Seth Meyers is a stutterer and he was having a hard time delivering his lines.
Robin had a story about Kid Rock and how he's defending the use of the Confederate flag at his concerts. He has some people saying that they don't like it and asking if he knows it stands for racism, murder and other things. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Ann Curry replacing Meredith Viera on The Today Show.
Robin read about Beyonce joining the fight against childhood obesity. Robin said that she was seen in short shorts and encouraging kids to eat healthy in a new video.
Robin said Jaden Smith was 10 when he was in the Karate Kid. Robin said he made 7 figures for his initial work and there were some other incentives that got him even more. He made 1 million and then a 2 million bonus. Three million is the bare minimum he made for that movie alone. Howard said it was a good movie. He said he cries in the movie and he's not sure how anyone could cry through that dialog. Robin said he could have made even more money that they don't know about. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read about the movie ''Fast Five'' being number 1 at the box office this weekend. Robin said it made $83.6 million. Howard sounded shocked by that. He said he must be out of it. He would throw that script right in the garbage if someone brought it to him. Robin had some audio of one of the guys from the movie talking about how the audience never thought they'd see this. Howard said he hopes that Jaden Smith remakes that movie... soon. They spent a minute talking about that and how now we're going to be subjected to more Vin Diesel movies.
Robin read about Lindsay Lohan pleading no contest to her charges in the necklace stealing case. She is currently free on bail. Howard said he doesn't think that she's ever going to get straightened out. He said Britney Spears seems to have straightened herself out a little bit though.
Robin read about Lorenzo Llamas getting married again. She said this is his fifth marriage. Howard said this guy is fantastic. He loves romance and who could blame him.
Robin said that Nick Cannon and Mariah Carrey had twins.
Robin had some audio of the star of ''Thor'' talking about the movie. Howard said he's very pumped up. He talked about how hot he is while doing an effeminate voice.
Robin read about a teacher who was honored at the White House for being the national educator of the year.
Robin read about Pia Toscano being hired for a private birthday party for $100,000. That was it for the news so they need the show around 10:05am.
Jon also talked about Big Foot having Scabies and how Tim freaked out about that when he heard the news. Gary and Jon didn't know what they were. Teddy said it's a highly contagious skin condition. The things get under your skin. Teddy said that he has to put a lotion on his whole body. Benjy said it says it rarely affects the head on adults but Big Foot had shaved his head.
Jon ran down some more stuff they were going to cover and brought up Ronnie's picture of his girlfriend that he had Tweeted out.
Jon asked Gary what he thought about Robin's comments about his diet causing his phlegm issues. Gary said he loves Robin but she's nuts. He said that Robin has never had phlegm problems and she doesn't have a PhD so she can come to him about that when she does.
Jon said he wanted to start off with the Osama bin Laden news. He said everyone seems to be happy there about this. Gary said it's like a sense of relief for him. He said he couldn't believe it's been nearly 10 years that they've been trying to track him down. Gary said he doesn't think he was running the show for a long time now. Gary said he doesn't think the war is over.
Benjy said he was excited about the celebration. He said he was up around 2 or 3 in the morning and he went on the internet and saw what happened. He said he thought about going down and joining the celebration so he could have an opportunity to get laid. He said he ended up just going back to sleep instead. Benjy said he doesn't know who these people are who go out there and celebrate so quickly. Benjy said he got scared when he heard the news. He said it seems like this is a time when retaliation might be possible. Gary said he thought about that too.
Jon was wondering if this will help with Obama's approval rating. Gary said he thinks it might. He said it was bound to happen eventually but it could help.
Jon took a call from Hanzi who said he thinks that Osama has been dead for years and this is just bullshit. Gary asked why they would cover up the death for years. Hanzi said they cover up a lot. Gary asked what the benefit would be. Hanzi said for Political gain. He said that they could keep it hidden so they can bring it out to get Obama elected again. Gary kept asking questions and Hanzi said he was just wondering.
Benjy asked Hanzi if he ever goes to Pakistan. Hanzi said he wouldn't go to that fucking country even though he has family there. Gary asked what his family thinks of Al Quaeda. Hanzi asked what he thinks his family thinks. Gary said he doesn't know. He's just asking a question. Hanzi said he doesn't know. He said he gets a little defensive when a white guy asks him a question like that.
Hanzi said he's sorry he doesn't have enough back up for his theory but he thinks he's been dead for years. Benjy said he thinks that it could happen. It is possible but they don't have any evidence of it.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks about Trump getting hit hard at the dinner the other night. Gary said he's surprised he didn't expect that. Jon asked if he thinks he's running for president. Gary said he doesn't. Jon didn't either. They had to go to break after that.
Jon brought up how Ronnie Tweeted out a picture of his girlfriend with a NASCAR sign above her head. Ronnie said he has that bathroom in his basement in his Man Cave. He said that's not where everyone goes. Jon asked Gary if he has anything like that in his Man Cave. Gary said he doesn't. Just a mirror. Ronnie said he has a NASCAR sign and a picture of his Corvette. He said he has a picture of Tony Stewart in there too. He said he has one of him and Tony outside of the bathroom. He said he has some flags in the bathroom too. He said he has them up like a wallpaper border.
Gary asked if he owns a NASCAR jumpsuit. Ronnie said he doesn't but he has a Jeff Gordon crash helmet. Benjy asked if he think it's a nice way to decorate. Ronnie said he likes it. It's a Man Cave so it's fine there. He said you come down the stairs and you see a wall with a checkered flag on that. He said at the bottom of the stairs is a stand up of Pamela Anderson that they took up there. Ronnie said he has pictures of Dale Earnardt, tires from Ernie Irvin's car and all kinds of other NASCAR stuff. Ronnie said he has that autographed Jeff Gordon helmet too. He said that's his basement and the rest of his house is empty.
Ronnie said everything goes in that Man Cave. Jon asked if Stephanie is okay with it. He said she's fine. Jon asked if she's going to redecorate. Ronnie said that won't happen because she doesn't live there.
Jon asked if Ronnie took that picture because Howard does that with Beth. Ronnie said he caught her in that moment and took the picture. He said that people asked to see a picture of her so he put it out there for the fans. He said he wasn't trying to be like Howard. He said there are guys out there who put pictures like that on Twitter. He said one he follows is @ILikeGirlsDaily.
JD said he doesn't think that this was a sneak attack like Ronnie says. He said that her hands aren't by her pants. He said it looks posed to him. Ronnie said she kind of knew he was taking it. He said he didn't pose her though. JD said it looks that way to him.
Jon asked if JD has studied that picture in depth. JD said he analyzed it for the news, that's all he did. Ronnie said he thought it was a great picture and she's been working hard to tone up lately. He said he wasn't thinking that he was copying Howard either.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she had a relationship with a man who was much older than her. She said that it's nice to have a big contrast like that. She said she thinks that Ronnie does love his girlfriend and he's just being protective of her. She said he doesn't want her getting emotionally committed.
Ronnie said that's basically what he's said. He said he has asked her if she knows what she's getting into. He said she doesn't care or at least that's what she claims. Gary said it sounds like he's protecting himself too. The caller said that she really does love Ronnie and he has to block that from his mind.
Benjy asked the woman how Ronnie should prepare Stephanie for his death. The caller said love is love and attraction is attraction so Ronnie shouldn't worry about it. Gary said they get that. They asked what happened to her guy that she dated. She said he was 72 and they dated on and off for 22 years. She said that he was the best and the love of her life. She said Ronnie has to forget all of this stuff the guys are saying. If you love a person then don't worry about it.
Jon asked Ronnie if he's discussed funeral plans with Stephanie. Ronnie said he hasn't. Benjy said he knows that they like each other but it's a real thing to talk about. He said Ronnie is getting up there in age. Ronnie said she has dated guys her age and she can't find anything in common with them. He said they just want to go to clubs, go home, fuck and leave her. Gary said that sounds like the same thing. Ronnie said she's looking for one night stands and she wants someone who can care about her.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he agrees with the previous caller but Ronnie is emotionally immature. He said that she's more adult than Ronnie is. The caller asked who is doing Ronnie's job when he's doing all of this other stuff up there.
Ronnie was talking over the caller and not letting him speak. Jon asked what the question was. Ronnie wouldn't stop talking even when Jon asked him to let the guy talk. Ronnie told the guy he was an immature asshole. The caller said he has no capacity to be quiet. It's all about him.
The caller said that he knows that if Ronnie leaves his post then he's compromising security there. Ronnie said his post is inside and outside the studio. The caller said his perimeter is unsecured. Ronnie said it's not insecure. He said they have other security there too. Ronnie and the caller went back and forth arguing about that for a couple of minutes.
Ronnie wondered why he thinks that he is so much better than everyone. The caller said he doesn't think he is. He did tell them that he came in as runner up in the Gary audio book contest. He said he works for himself too. The guy said that Ronnie's behavior is just out of control and Howard and Gary let Ronnie steam roll over people. Gary said they find that funny when he does that.
Jon said he was going to bring that to an end and take a break. He told Ronnie to catch his breath and they'll talk more to him after the break.
Gary asked if Tim accepts Gilbert's apology for the spitting thing. Tim said he doesn't because it's an irresponsible thing.
Jon asked about Big Foot's Scabies. Tim said that was a problem too. He said that they should have let them know that before he came in the building. He said there's always something. Gary said it's been a bad year with the bed bugs and all of that stuff.
Jon asked about Howard's breakfast and how he ended up with syrup in his oatmeal and then he got another one and the bananas weren't in there. Tim said that stuff is more important than bin Laden any day.
Jon told Tim to stick around if he wanted to but he walked right out. Jon asked JD about Robin's web chat thing and if he found any other surprises in there. JD said the bra line thing was new. He said the book discussion was new too. He said there was a lot of Peru and food discussions in there. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about his morning and how great it's been so far. He was reading about the mission to get Osama bin Laden and it was very impressive. He said it could make the best movie of all time. Robin said it was about 12 guys that did it. Howard said it's a remarkable story. He said it's like something you'd see in ''The Bourne Identity'' or something.
Howard said it starts with our intelligence community. He said they have everything working like a fine oiled machine. He said a bunch of years ago they had the number 3 guy in Al Quaeda in custody. He said they tried to get anything out of him that they could. They got the name of the courier for Osama. Howard said they got a real name eventually. He said it was a fascinating story that he's cutting down a little bit. He said they got that piece of information and it was important. He said Osama is paranoid. He doesn't use a phone or a computer. He stays in a compound that's just about windowless. He stays in a neighborhood where his house is like 6 times the size of anyone else's. Robin said there was a guy who tweeted the raid and he had no idea Osama was his neighbor.
Howard said this courier was so good he would make a phone call and rip out the battery and then throw it away to keep from being tracked. They found out the name of this courier and they searched and searched for him. He said they had to listen to endless phone calls. He said they finally heard a conversation with the courier and found a location for him. Howard said they found this compound and they had to confirm that Osama was there. They somehow got a tap in there and listened in. They took their time doing all of this. They had to be sure he was in there. Howard said they had to tell the President that they had these options. He said the code for Obama was Geronimo. Howard said they used that because Geronimo would commit acts of terrorism too. Robin was arguing that it was the code for success. Howard said he was sticking by his story. He read the quote from the article he was reading. Robin said she heard from a reporter about what she was saying. Howard told Robin to listen to him and she'd be alright.
Howard said they got into this compound and Osama ended up using one of the women there as a human shield. She wasn't killed like they said she was. She was just injured.
Howard said they could have just dropped a bomb on this compound. He said the President had to decide if they should do that or go in and attack. Howard said he didn't want to injure innocent people in the neighborhood.
Howard said they ended up using Osama's sister's brain to do a DNA test. He said they matched it up 99.9 percent. He said they went in and took a helicopter in. He said the SEALS were going to be dropped in by ropes like you'd see in the movies. He said the compound is surrounded by barbed wire and armed guards. He said these guys are really brave to be going in there like that. Howard said they built a replica of this compound and didn't even know who the target was. They didn't want to blow the secrecy of the mission. We didn't share any of the information with anyone else either. It was all secretive.
Howard said there is a video of this attack but it may never be seen by the public. Howard said the helicopter stalled out as they were going into the compound. He said they weren't sure if it got hit or what. He said it's one of those helicopters that's infamous for breaking down too. Howard said the pilot is so brave that he made an emergency landing with the team in it. He said they landed and got fired on by Osama's people. Howard said they began to search floor by floor for Osama. Howard said they found him on the top level. Howard said the guys went in and found him using this woman as a human shield. Howard said Osama said he wouldn't be shot by the American's because he would have his own guards shoot him first. That didn't happen.
Howard said the team went in and one of the Navy SEALS put a bullet into his brain and then one into his chest. He said this was a kill mission. They're not even sure if Osama's gun ever even fired. None of his bullets ever hit an American. Howard said he's glad that they shot him with an American bullet.
Howard said this can't bring back the people who died in 9/11 but at least there was some justice. Howard said the President handled this perfectly. Robin said people are now talking about how cool our president is. Robin said he knew all of this was going on while he was doing the correspondents dinner and stuff like that.
Howard said the amazing thing is that no Americans were harmed. They carted off Osama's body and took it out to sea and threw him out like garbage. Howard said they say they did the whole Muslim prayer thing for him. There are some whackos who are complaining that they did that. He said they have all kinds of rules and you never throw a body into the ocean unless there's no land available. Howard said he knows that they just threw him right in the ocean with no ceremony. Howard said he's just fish food now.
Howard said when you hear these mother fuckers saying he didn't get a proper burial you tell them that the people killed in the World Trade Center attack didn't get one either.
Howard said it's a great thing. He said the new leader of Al Quaeda should be shot in the head and thrown out in the ocean too. Howard said Osama bin Laden was nothing more than a heroin dealer, a bum and a scumbag. Howard said it must have been so great to see him get shot in the head. He said he bets he pissed right in his birka.
Howard said this is feeling great. He said it's 10 years late but it's still great. He said the SEALS are great and they should all be getting blown by Hollywood starlets. He said Jennifer Aniston should be dating the guy who shot Osama in the head. He said that's what they should be reading this morning in the paper.
Howard said the intelligence guy who tracked the courier should be meeting with all of the models from the Elite agency. He said the guy who shot Osama should be dumping Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie. That's what we should be reading this morning.
Robin said they didn't get the names while they were torturing the guy with extreme torture. She said they were using regular interrogation tactics when they got the information. Howard thinks that the water boarding could have softened him up for the regular interrogation. He said shooting someone in the head is painful and dangerous and water boarding is less painful. Robin said shooting in the head is quick though. Howard said all of it is fantastic.
Howard said the guy is dead and yesterday was a great day. He said he was walking around happy. Robin asked if he knew what happened to the real Geronimo. Robin said he went on to embrace Christianity and became a famous guy.
Howard said the whole raid only lasted 45 minutes. That's because they did so much planning. Howard said the Blackhawk helicopter has to be looked into. He said they have a lot of hiccups with them. He said they blew up the one that crashed. He said they don't want people stealing the tech from those things.
Howard said they handled the whole thing beautifully. Howard read a story about the people who are complaining about the way they buried Osama at sea. Howard said this guy is saying it's an insult. Howard said they don't think it's in the best interest of this country to do such a thing. Howard said he should shut the fuck up and fix what's wrong in his own country.
Howard said he had another quote from this Muslim doctor who said that he would have gotten nauseated and sick if he had to read part of the Koran over Osama. Howard said he would cut his dick off and shove shit up his ass before shoving him into the water. Howard said he'd love to be the one who pushed him into the water.
Howard said he loves these clerics who speak up and talk about this stuff. They're the same guys who say that women who are raped and beaten should be sentenced to death. Howard said they throw rocks at them.
Howard said it's a great day. He said they made this tape for the President to watch and they watched it in real time. Howard said they say we'll never see it but he wishes that we could. He said it would be the highest rated show ever. He said they'd beat American Idol and maybe even get a 100 rating. Howard said they could sell it for a million per commercial and give the money to the military. He said again that the SEALS should be fucking the Hollywood stars. He said that's what Robin should be doing too. Robin said she could start a new dating service where you can date Navy SEALS and Intelligence guys.
Howard said the deaths of the 9/11 attacks was broadcast. They should do that with the Osama thing. Robin said Evan was in there asking why there are no pictures and why there's no video available to see. Howard said for Evan Osama is still alive. He said some people can rejoice and some can't. Howard said Donald Trump is demanding to see the death certificate.
Robin said that Franklin Graham has crawled back into his hole since all of this went down. Howard said it doesn't bring back the dead but at least it brings some justice to some people.
Howard said Osama must have shit his diapers. He said he thinks it's so great. Robin said she wishes they had made him cry and beg for his life. Howard said he'd be free if they did that. Robin said maybe it did happen. She can only hope.
Howard said if there was justice they would have made him jump out a 100 story window. He said he's a big pussy for hiding behind a woman. Robin said he was in prison because he never did step out of that place. Howard said he didn't think he was a very good decorator. He said Osama had an area where he could walk outside but he had huge walls around him. He said he must have shit his pants that night.
Howard said there were people partying in Times square and places like that within minutes. Howard said he's never out there at things like that. He said he's going to die of having a stroke and he's never seen The Strokes. He doesn't have that lifestyle. Howard said he's busy obsessing over his photographs.
Howard asked David where he is. He's back in L.A. now. Howard said that attack was great. He said he would like to see a movie made of it. David said they should have a game made where you can play the Navy SEALS and go in for the attack.
Howard said he'd like to make a movie about it and use Gary Busey as Osama. He said that David can play a Navy SEAL. He asked if he would do that within a week. David said he can do it. Howard told the Howard TV guys to prepare to do it. Howard said he can get Tracy Morgan to play the President and Robin can play Michelle Obama. Howard came up with some ideas for the movie on the spot. David said this is the greatest movie. Howard said he could have Robin giving anal to President Obama and Tracy Morgan would say he's going to make her pregnant and then gives her a spider web. He said the sex could go on for over an hour.
Howard said Gary Dell'Abate would play the courier. David would play the Navy SEAL. He said he'd give a role to Courteney but he's not sure what role to play. Robin said she could play the human shield.
Howard said George Takei could play Vice President Joe Biden. Fred said he has the same hair line so that would work. Howard said he's serious about this. He wants to shoot it. David said he's ready to do it. He played a member of I.C.E. in a TV show once. Howard said he plays a sheriff in the Scream movies too. Howard said he can be the one who shoots Osama bin Laden. Howard said he has to bring his own wardrobe though. Howard said it would be a great day.
Howard said he saw David's picture in front of the white House. He said that was pretty cool. Howard said maybe Beetlejuice should play Colin Powell or maybe President Obama. David said that would be awesome. Howard said they would get a lot of letters about that. Fred played some clips of Beetlejuice saying ''Me?'' and things like that.
Howard thanked David for calling in. David said he loved being in the studio a few weeks ago. Howard said they had some great stuff that week. He said when Courteney came in it was great. Howard said he saw them holding hands out at the Jimmy Kimmel party. Howard said Courteney split without David. He said she's a buzz kill.
Robin said they had a story about Jesse J saying she likes Courteney better than David. Howard said she said she's more likely to have sex with Courteney than David. David said he's more into Little Lupe anyway.
Howard said he must have been confused at that party. He asked what's up with the hand holding. David said they're still very affectionate. He said he still can't sleep. He said they see each other but it's mainly parental stuff. He said he thinks it's pretty much dead. Howard said he has to get over this shit. David said he's good and solid. Howard said he has to get out and get a woman next to him. Howard said he's like him in that way. Howard asked why he doesn't have one there now. David said he had his daughter there so he doesn't do that when she's there.
Howard said Courteney must be getting laid if she doesn't have the kid. David said she probably has one of the Navy SEALs there. Howard said it's probably one of her co-stars. Howard said he's still not buying it that she's not with one of them. He said Courteney doesn't want to hurt David but she must be doing something. Howard said they should be happy today about the whole Osama thing. David said he's happy.
Howard said they have to get the CIA guys to figure out who is in Courteney's bed. He said that it's probably The Rock and Vin Diesel. Howard said that movie ''Fast Five'' made some ridiculous amount of money. Robin said people love cars. Howard said he can't believe it. He said their movie about Osama will be great. He said he'll have a script ready in like a day. He said they'll shoot it in half a day. He said he wants a serious script too. He doesn't want it funny.
Howard said he'll get in touch with Tracy Morgan to see if he can play Obama. He said he has to figure out who can play Osama's wife. He said maybe Jessica Simpson or that chick from Slumdog Millionaire. Howard said she's probably free. Robin said that maybe Nicole from the morning show there at Sirius can play the part.
Howard said he's rambled on a bit this morning so far. He said the Osama thing was great and other than the Helicopter glitch, it all went well. Howard said Courteney Cox should be with the SEALS when she's not with her daughter.
Robin said she heard there is a game where you can kill Osama bin Laden. Howard wondered if any of the SEALs are fans of the show and said his name before killing Osama.
Howard came back and talked about what a hard time the newscasters are having with the Osama and Obama names. He said he had a clip of one woman completely off the chart with her mistake. She said that it was Obama that was killed and she kept saying it over and over. She said it at least 3 times. Howard said she said that it was Obama that had Obama killed.
Howard had another one where a reporter said that President Obama was dead. She said that they were hearing through DNA that it was Obama's body. Robin said she thinks that's the one she woke up to the morning after.
Howard played another clip where the reporter said it was Obama that was killed. He corrected himself after making the mistake twice. In another clip a reporter said that ''President Obama'' was dead. He quickly corrected himself too.
Howard said a bunch of people went down to ground zero to celebrate and someone got off a Baba Booey down there. Howard played that clip where a reporter was reporting live and someone was yelling out Baba Booey.
Howard said one reporter said something that sounded like she was ''shitting on a plane'' when she heard the news. He played that clip too.
Howard played one of Geraldo Rivera screwing up the Osama / Obama thing. He had a clip of Kathie Lee Gifford screwing it up too.
Howard said he took Gary out to Jean George for dinner. He said they had a great time. Howard said he talked to Gary about this investigator and how cool it would be to hire them to see if they could entice Mary to see if she would flirt back. Gary said he'd be worried about it going too far. Howard said that would lead to divorce.
Howard said this was Mark Chauppetta and Jojo Ryder. Howard said they have John Lamb in there too. He had a really deep voice that didn't even sound real. Howard said he was telling Beth about this company. Mark said it's called On the Mark investigations and they're located up in Brockton Massachusetts.
Howard said that they say that most men are willing to cheat and they will hit on Jojo when she goes out and does her thing.
Howard asked how long it takes for the cheaters to make their moves. They said it's all different and it depends on the individual. Mark said that he is always shadowing them. Howard asked how far Jojo has gone with these guys. She said that she has gone pretty far on occasion. She said she didn't know better at the time. She said that the client said she was done with the guy so she figured he was fair game. She went to his hotel room. She said things happened. Howard asked if it was a blow job. She said they were both satisfied. Mark said he didn't get to witness that before he almost fired her ass.
Howard said the women cheating must be a lower percentage. Mark said that women are working more so it's going up. He said it's normal for them to start cheating more. He said they'll send John in and he'll do his thing.
Howard found out that John has gotten into some trouble over the years. John said that the charges were dismissed. Mark said he found him on a show called Tool Academy which is a show where they go out to find cheaters. Howard asked how he does his thing. John said he'll go out and meet these women and about half of them will actually cheat. Howard asked if guys are shocked when they find out. Mark said most of them know before they hire him. He said that they like the confirmation and they like to torture themselves.
Mark said he and John went to an island where they were hitting on a young woman. He said they were on a couples island and they had to convince people that they weren't a couple.
Howard asked John how he makes the approach. John said that usually the partner isn't there so he'll get to know people and what their style is. He said that he has to do the eye contact and smile. Howard asked what kind of line he has. John said in one situation there were kids involved so you talk to the kids. He said he would joke around with them and then the conversation starts from there. He said this woman had a tiny bikini thing on. Howard asked John if he was wearing a speedo. John said he had a typical bathing suit on. Mark said he will text the spouse with the details of what's going on. He said that John is there to download their brain and he finds out if they claim they're not married and things like that.
John said that he has a girl at home and he never cheats. Mark said John is pussy whipped. He said that he only allows him to go so far anyway. Howard asked if these women can say that they weren't going to go that far. Mark said they will let them kiss just to see if they are willing to go that far. John said he won't do certain things in front of kids.
Mark said he had a case where the client wanted to see it going on live. He said he watched John perform his act and they saw him making out and the client went out and started yelling and flipping chairs over. He said that he doesn't need a domestic disputer on his hands so he won't bring clients anymore.
Howard said if he saw his wife kissing a guy it would be over for him. He said that's all it takes. Mark said that some call it entrapment. Howard said that's not what he'd call it.
Howard said he heard about a case where this guy had a mistress and left his wife for the mistress. The guy wanted to know if his mistress was cheating on him. They brought in Big John to do his thing and she was 100 percent honest. Howard said the guy left his wife and married the mistress and they're happy now.
Mark said it's cheaper to do this for a couple grand than get into a messy divorce that's going to cost you a lot more.
Howard asked if it's really our jobs to bust people who cheat. He said that a lot of people cheat once or twice and realize they made a mistake and don't keep doing it. Howard said if they get involved then it's probably going to end up being a divorce. Mark said Jojo has been cheated on so she's got a vendetta to catch guys who are cheating. Jojo said she keeps that separate though. She said if you're hurting someone then it's just not right.
Howard said he knows a guy who cheated on his wife but he only did it a few times and realized what he did wrong. Howard said the guy has it good at home now. He said she doesn't know and he loves her so he's not going to tell her.
Howard said that it could ruin a marriage if they call these guys. Mark said that they usually know that there's something going on by the time they call them. Mark said he's sent women in who look like Jenna Jameson and the guys figure there's something up there.
Howard said John is a handsome man so women must think something is going on sometimes. John said he knows the demeanor to have so he knows that he's not David Beckham. Howard asked if he has to kiss ugly chicks. John said he's had some 6's but he's had some 8's too.
Howard asked what it costs to find out if his wife is a cheat. Mark said it can cost up to $10,000 if they have to go off somewhere to do the investigation. Mark said he is also the fall back guy and he'll go in if John doesn't work out.
Howard said some people think that he might be a cock sucking fuck and others might think they're necessary. Howard asked which one it is. Robin asked where they do these investigations. Mark said it all depends on the person.
Howard read that they do paranormal investigations too. Mark said they will sub that out to other people. He said that they do everything there though.
Howard heard that Mark has done some stuff for the church of Scientology. Mark said he did that and he had to go through their testing. He said he has nothing bad to say about them. He said they just wanted to know what people were saying about them when they were bad mouthing them. Howard said Mark said that Tom Cruise walks through some secret passageway at the church. Mark said he's going to have people watching him now. He said he didn't see this himself. He said he just saw Tom come in and say hi to him. He said he was a great trash picker there. Mark said he wasn't doing anything illegal. He said he would go through trash and figure out what these people were doing in their lives.
Howard asked Mark if he has ever turned down a case. Mark said he had one woman who thought she had a listening device implanted in her head. He turned that one down.
Howard gave Mark a plug for his book ''Happens all the Time: Cheating in the Good OL' U.S.A.'' and for his web site On-TheMark.com
Howard took a call from a guy who went off on Mark saying he ruins people's lives. Mark said he'd take him on in a fight. That led to John saying he'd kick his ass. The guy said that Mark is ruining lives by doing this and he should mind his own business. Mark said he's not doing anything illegal. Jojo told the guy not to cheat and it won't be a problem. Howard gave Mark some more plugs and wrapped up with them and then went to break.
Howard came back and asked where that version was from. Fred said it was from 1985 at the L.A. Colosseum. Howard sang along with it for a few seconds.
Howard said he's got a lot of songs coming in about Robin's trip to Peru. He said she had an interpreter there with her and he had a clip from him. He played that clip which was a guy with a weird accent saying he was the tour guide in Peru. He said he needs more money. He likes her big titties and he'd like her to come back. He said he'd be happy to take all of her money.
Howard said Sal and Richard went out on the street and found people who still had no knowledge that Osama was killed. Robin wondered where those people were. Howard played a clip of Sal and Richard asking a woman what she thought of the big news. That woman was still thinking that Princess Diana was still alive. She was really out of it. The woman thought she was getting married to the king. Richard asked about Osama and she said she hopes that they catch him. They asked the woman if she thinks that he should be locked up and have his driver's license taken away. She said yes and she thinks that he should have to take the bus as a punishment.
Richard and Sal found a guy and asked him about Osama. That guy said they should leave him alone. It's been ''over 10 years'' so they should leave him alone. Howard said there are a lot of people who are out of it. Robin said they might be out of it in a lot of ways. Another guy was the same way and had no idea that Osama was dead.
Howard played more of the clip of Ronnie talking about the man cave stuff. Howard said he was on fire. Ronnie said he wasn't going to take shit from the callers. You can read about Ronnie's Man Cave in yesterday's Wrap Up Show rundown.
Howard played the clip and commented on it as Ronnie was describing it. Howard said he has to go visit that man cave. He said he has to see it in person. Ronnie told them to come on over anytime they want.
Ronnie said JD was kind of upset with him for kind of staging the picture. He said he kind of did that. JD came in and said he's not upset. Ronnie said he was upset. JD said he just figured out that he had staged the picture. He wasn't upset about it.
JD said Ronnie just thinks he's mad. He said he's really not. Howard played more audio of Ronnie talking about the picture of Stephanie and how that's the only one they'll ever see. Then a caller went off on Ronnie and Ronnie had to fight back. That was the caller who said Ronnie isn't doing his job when he's in the studio talking to Howard. Ronnie went off on that guy and wouldn't let him speak.
After playing that Howard said he's on fire. He asked if the fame is getting to him. Ronnie said he's fine. He's not cracking.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he'd like them to put Ronnie on another channel when they change the line up tomorrow. The caller said he's sick and tired of hearing about Ronnie. Another caller said he thinks the picture is a dirty picture. He said she looks like she's 16. Ronnie said she's 28. The caller said he doesn't even have a 28 year old so that's why it bothers him.
Ronnie said there are people around there who think his relationship is weird. Howard asked who they are. Ronnie said he's not saying anything and then took that back saying that no one there has a problem.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie spanks this girl for fun. Ronnie said he doesn't. He said he doesn't do the ''daddy'' thing. Howard asked if she ever calls him Daddy. Ronnie said she never does. Ronnie said that people call him Grandpa. He said he gets a lot of positive stuff on Twitter about it.
Another caller asked how this became the Ronnie Mund show. He said it's all about Ronnie. Howard said he has done 2 and a half hours of show and he's only had about 10 minutes of Ronnie. The caller said it's enough already.
Another caller said that chick has a lot of junk in her trunk. He said that Tweet must have been brought to us by Doritos. Howard and Ronnie said she's not fat. They said she's a nice girl too.
Another caller said that people are just jealous of Ronnie. He said JD is probably secretly hating on Ronnie. Bobo called in and said that he noticed that when Howard brings Ronnie in and Fred says something to him he never says anything to Fred. Ronnie said he has gone at Fred before. He said they get along great though. Fred said Ronnie knows that he's just joking.
Another caller called Ronnie a lame piece of shit. He said no one hates Ronnie. He's not important enough to hate. Ronnie said he doesn't use the word ''hater'' anymore. He said he calls them assholes. The guy said that Ronnie insults the subscribers when they call in so that's not cool. Ronnie said he only does it when they insult him. Ronnie knew that it was the same guy that was on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Ronnie asked what time work starts for him. The guy, Ken, asked if he could talk now. Howard asked if he doesn't have a job. The guy said he works for himself at home. Ken said his work involves Pro Tools. He said it's the same kind of thing Sal and Richard use. He said he has audio skills and he's able to do his work at home. Ronnie asked if he has legs. Ken said unlike Ronnie his legs are full sized.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Ronnie is banging a young chick so what's better than that? Robin said he does have some fans out there. The caller said he should tap that ass and fuck everyone else.
Ronnie said that he picked up 2,800 followers after yesterday's show. That's the power of Howard's show. Howard let Ronnie go after that. Fred played him out with ''All the Young Dudes'' which was edited with Ronnie's ''Dude'' clips. They played a phony phone call the guys made using Ronnie clips too. They went to break after that.
Howard said Nick looks like he has a new hair color. Nick said it's hair color that fades. He said Howard must know about that. Howard said he doesn't dye his hair. He said he has a little grey but he's lucky that way.
Howard said Nick is kind of conservative and one of the more masculine men he knows. He said he's surprised he colors his hair. Nick said that he's in show biz so he has to do things like that. Nick said he doesn't know why he has to do that but he found a white pubic hair the other day... in his Filet-o-fish.
Howard said years ago the older comics didn't worry about that kind of thing. He said David Brenner used to change his age to make people think he was younger. Nick said that they have to shoot to the younger kids so they have to be younger.
Nick said there are guys who are older than him who open for him. He said they just do it to get away from their wives. Howard said there are guys who don't make any money doing this stuff and he must want to tell them to just give it up. Nick said there are guys like that. He said there is a part of him who admires them because they're doing what they want for a living.
Howard said he remembers seeing radio guys who were being treated like shit at 40 and they should have gone out and found another career.
Howard asked Nick where he gets his hair colored. Nick said he goes to CVS and picks out hair color number 117. He said he does it himself. Robin said that all of the comedians do that. Nick said Bob Levy used to do it great and he looked like Roy Orbison.
Howard said Nick recently Tweeted the word ''faggot'' and told gay people to get over it. Nick said he did that in response to Kobe Bryant using the word. He said that he doesn't use it to refer to people as being gay. He said he uses it to bust his brother's balls and things like that. He said he'll use the N-word in his car if someone cuts him off. Howard said he doesn't use the word. Nick figured he'd use it if he bet on basketball. Nick said we have to get over ourselves here. Nick said he's been bullied and he's bullied people. Get over it.
Howard said this is a great day with the whole Osama thing. Nick said this was no surprise that Obama did this. He told Howard to look at his origins. Nick said they got the information from enhanced interrogation. Robin said they didn't get it during the water boarding though. Nick said people were upset with Bush years ago for torture and this Obama was doing the same thing. Howard said he's alright with water boarding. He said when you have a situation like we have then it's okay.
Nick said that he has a bit about torture in his special. He said that if pouring water over someone's head for 40-50 seconds then they had better arrest the chick who washes his hair at SuperCuts.
Nick said they have rules about torture and they say that slapping someone is torture. He said they should look into what his father did to him as a kid. He said for years he thought he had a bee on his forehead.
Howard and Nick talked about the intel and how they found Osama bin Laden. Howard talked about the Blackhawk helicopter thing. Nick said he was in one once. He said he has video up on his web site. Howard said that was before he was coloring his hair. Nick said his hair turns a weird red when it grows out. He said it looks like a deer's ass when it's molting.
Howard said they took that fucking Osama bin Laden and threw him right in the ocean. Nick said they did the whole Muslim ceremony. Howard said they didn't do that. They just threw him in the water. Howard said these Sheik's in Egypt are upset about it but they're not thinking about what this guy had his people do to our World Trade Center buildings. Howard said they can go fuck themselves.
Nick said what they should have done to the body was tie it to an F-150 pick up truck bumper and drive him around New York City.
Howard told Nick that the Navy SEALS should be dating Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz. Nick got a laugh out of that.
Robin noticed that Nick was wearing jeans that had holes in them. Nick said he was in a mall checking out a hot chick and he had to pretend he was buying something so he bought these things for $110.
Howard talked about what Osama did with the human shield. Nick said his wife wouldn't step in front of a snow ball to protect him. Nick asked if the wife stepped in front of Osama or did he grab her. Howard said he grabbed her.
Nick said they should have kept the body and lowered it down on a noose around the time of the next election. That would get Obama re-elected.
Howard asked Nick about the hate he gets when he does his show there on Howard 101. Nick said that people call in and tell him the show sucks. He said some of them set him up and say he's their favorite and then say that he uses the N-word. Nick said Tim Sabean said he didn't handle it very well. He was shocked by it so how is he supposed to handle it?
Howard gave Nick some plugs for his ''Raw Nerve'' special on Showtime that's available all this month. Howard said that's a big deal for him. Howard said the audio version is on iTunes. Nick said it's at number 17 on there this week. Howard said he has a web site at NickDip.com too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a big fan of Nick's. He said today he got through without a problem. Nick asked what he's up to and told him to get back to the fryalator. Another caller went off on Nick saying he sucks balls. Howard said he was set up too. The guy said he was his favorite comedian. Howard asked if that bothers him. Nick said he's making a ton of money with this special so he's fine. He said he can remodel his bathroom with that money.
Hanzi called in and asked Howard why he's having this guy on the show. Hanzi went off on nick when Nick made fun of his stutter. Hanzi said he hopes he burns in hell. Nick told him to be nice. Hanzi freaked out and went off on him saying he's Artie's bitch and a bunch of other stuff. Hanzi also thought that Osama has been dead for years. Nick said he could be right about that.
Hanzi and Howard ended up arguing about the Osama being dead thing. Hanzi didn't know for sure but Howard doesn't know for sure he was alive either. Howard and Hanzi went back and forth on that for a minute. Howard told him to get back to yelling at Nick.
Howard heard that they edited out something about Cyalis in Nick's special. They're a sponsor on CBS and CBS is linked to Showtime in some way so they edited it out. Nick said they edited out a Katie Couric joke too. Nick said you can get that stuff on the album. He said they have bonus tracks on there. Howard asked what it was they edited out. Nick said he had a joke about going on vacation with his wife and bringing Cyalis so he could take it and he talks about cooking it and injecting it into his cock in an alley. He said the next day he had to explain to his wife why he had a hard on while watching a 2 year old building a sand castle on the beach. Howard said he's surprised they edited that out. He didn't think it was so bad.
Howard asked Nick if he's still attracted to his wife. Nick said he is but he's not having as much sex as he used to. Howard said maybe he's just sick of his wife. Robin asked why it has to be the wife's fault. Nick is just not getting into the mood himself. Howard asked if the wife wonders what's going on. Nick said of course she does. She busts his balls all the time. Nick said when you get over your 40s then you have stuff you can take for that.
Howard said he's seen his wife and she's very good looking. Howard said it can't be her looks so maybe it's her personality. Robin said circulation is everything. Fred played her Peruvian music as she started to talk about the circulation thing. Robin said it's about the food he eats. She said if he has vascular problems then he needs to change his diet. Howard said he's masturbating so he has no problem getting it up. Nick said it's low testosterone levels. Robin said that's not what it is. She said he's doing everything wrong and his arteries are getting clogged and he needs to clean himself out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the enhanced interrogation thing had nothing to do with getting Osama. Howard said he can't understand a word this guy is saying. Nick said they did start tracking this guy 4 years ago and they got it from water boarding.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't get this Neanderthal thing that Nick does. He said he's been listening to him since his Free FM show. He said he gave him a lot of chances. Howard said he's always going to get haters.
Howard took another call from a guy who said Howard represents freedom to him but jumping on the enhanced interrogation thing has made him lose respect for him. Howard said he's really not someone to look up to. He said that if your family was killed in the World Trade Center then you'd understand.
Howard said Nick has to be somewhere so he took another call. Nick said he has to get his hair colored. Nick said there's no way Howard doesn't color his hair. Nick said he's still skinny too.
The caller said he loves Nick and he loves our military for what they did. He said Obama has to stop taking the credit. Howard said everyone has handled it very well. Howard said everything went off beautifully except for that helicopter. Howard said they did a great job and a big round of applause for the guys who did that job.
Howard gave Nick some more plugs and Nick said that he hopes to be number one on iTunes with the power of Howard today. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was listening to some Howard 100 news reports through Twitter yesterday. He said they have the links on @SternShow. He said he heard that Robin left San Francisco early over the weekend. Robin said that she left a little early because she had a personal thing going on. Robin said she's not saying what that personal thing is. Robin said she had to take care of something and she had to go home early. Howard said he's curious about what it is. He asked if someone drank milk or something.
Howard said Robin has these events going on. Robin said they have an event coming up on May 6th. She said Leon Russell is their headliner. Howard said it's going to be the big event to go to and then she has to stop. He said she's running around like a nut. Robin said she's not running around. Howard said she just got back from Peru. Howard said he wouldn't leave for 2 years if he went to Peru.
Robin said she met this amazing family in Peru. She said she didn't tell Howard about them. Robin said she met a mother, father and 3 kids. She said she told them she was on a spiritual retreat and the woman said they were in Chile and they had been in New Zealand where they lived to visit the boy the sponsor and they worked a week with the prison children. Robin said they were having a spiritual vacation too. Robin said the kids were able to go around the world and work with prison children. Howard said people are against abortion but meanwhile all of these unwanted kids are in prison in New Zealand. The whole time she was talking about that Fred was playing the music Robin captured down in Peru.
The guys also talked about Nick Di Paolo's hair color. Howard said he thinks he should get it professionally done if he's going to do it. He said the color came out as red and he really needs a professional. He said he can't allow his hair to turn red.
Howard was still trying to figure out what Robin flew home early for. Howard asked if it was a family matter. Robin said it was a personal matter. She said maybe it had to do with her. Howard asked if it had to do with her and Captain Dennis. Robin laughed. Howard kept digging and trying to find out if she had an illness or something. Robin said no. She wouldn't give him an answer. Howard eventually gave up.
Robin said that an actress by the name of Yvette Vickers was found dead in her home at the age of 82. Robin said she had not been seen for a long time and she may have been dead for close to a year. She was mummified. Robin said the official cause of her death wasn't known. Robin said she was the July 1959 Playboy Playmate. Robin said she was in some movies as well.
Robin asked how Howard feels about security now that Osama is dead. Howard said he feels better. He said he thinks it sends a message to these guys who aspire to be Osama bin Laden Jr. He said they fall in with this Al Quaeda and hearing the story about how he went out then maybe they'll think twice about it. Howard said in the end a sniper's bullet goes into your head. Howard said it shows our determination and how we don't give up. Howard said he feels safer and he feels good. Robin said that the procedures they do at the airports will not change. She had audio of an official saying that we'll always be a target so nothing has changed when it comes to that.
Robin read about how they're going through evidence in the Osama killing. She had some audio of an official talking about that.
Howard said he was talking to Gary last night and he noticed that Sour Shoes can do a very good impression of Gary. He didn't think he had it down but he really does. Howard took a call from Sour who was doing his Gary impression. Howard said he could hear that impression in Gary's voice last night at dinner.
Howard said Sour has taken a car and turned it into a music studio. He said it's ingenious. Howard said you can see Sour on Howard TV and he crosses his eyes every minute. Howard said it creeps him out and he has to stop it. He said he's going to end up going cock eyed. Sour said that's what his mother told him at dinner a couple of days ago.
Sour said he had Seal on the phone in honor of the Navy SEALs. Howard said you have to watch this guy in his car on Howard TV. He said the Behind the Scenes show has started on Howard TV too. He said you get to see him go behind the scenes at The Daily Show in the first episode. Howard said they have another moment when he shows JD how to organize his office. He said he just tells him to throw everything out. Howard said they'll have new shows every month. Howard said people's minds will be blown when they see this stuff. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read some news and had some audio of President Obama talking about how great the military was at doing their jobs to find Osama bin Laden.
Howard read a story about how American Idol turned down Roger Daltrey for a job on the show. He lost out to Steven Tyler.
Robin read a story where they questioned why the Pakistani government didn't do anything about Osama. She said they had to have known he was there. Howard said they're afraid that the Taliban would put bullets in their heads. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about that.
Robin had some audio of Dick Cheney talking about how the enhanced interrogation they put into place is what led to Osama getting caught eventually. He said we're still at war though so we can't let our guard down. Robin had some audio of some people reacting to the news of Osama's death.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it seems like when Ellen Degeneres dances she jumps over a desk and he'd swear that she thinks she has a dick. Howard said he thinks that she's the ''man'' in the relationship. He said she's more of a man from what he's seen. Howard said she always wears men's clothing. He said that her wife wore a dress and she wore man pants so maybe she does strap one on. Howard said there are a lot of people who will put on a strap on and pretend they have a cock. He said it's not like that in every lesbian relationship though. He said he'd bet that she does that with her wife though. Howard said he wouldn't be surprised if she cums in some way. He said maybe she even wears a strap on during her show.
Robin had some audio of a Pakistani guy talking about the Osama situation and how they were not protecting him and saying they were is not fair to their citizens. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the guy who gave up the information about Osama's courier. Robin said they're going to give him a military tribunal to figure out what to do with him. Robin said he has to live with the fact that he brought down the leader of Al Quaeda.
Robin said Oprah Winfrey had an exclusive interview with Obama that aired the day after that news. Robin wondered if it was bad timing for her. Howard said if it's a good interview it's a good interview. She will have a pay off if it's good. Robin said she thinks the timing is terrible. Robin said Obama was talking about how he's been working to help people realize the American dream. Robin had some audio from the interview that she had Howard play. She had some of Michelle Obama too.
Robin had some audio of a trial where this woman was found innocent of her boss' murder after a new witness came forward.
Robin had some news about Justin Bieber and asked Howard what he thinks of him. Howard said he watched his movie and it was okay but he's not into that music. Robin had him play some of his music. Howard said he kind of liked that particular song. Howard said he should be the one singing that song. Robin said he's in Australia touring and people threw eggs at him. Howard said people are probably jealous. Fred, doing his Ronnie impression, said ''They're haters...'' Howard said he seems like a nice kid. Robin said she tried watching his movie and watched as much of it as she could take.
Robin said Stevie Nicks has a new album coming out. She had some of her new music for Howard to play. Howard checked that out and said her voice has gotten a lot deeper. He said he's not sure what to think about that. Robin had a second song she had Howard play. Howard said it's hard for him to get into new music without listening to it a bunch. He said he's not sure he could do that with her music.
Robin said the former Village People cop, Victor Willis, is back in court. He's trying to get $1.5 million in royalties since he left the band in 1979. He sang in the group and also wrote the biggest hits ''YMCA'' and ''In the Navy'' and ''Macho Man.'' Howard said you have to watch yourself when it comes to money. A lot of times they don't want to pay you what you're owed. He said he knows about that. Howard played some of their music and told Fred to blow him.
Robin said that the Black Eyed Peas will be playing a free show in Central Park this summer. Howard said he likes that group. He likes the dynamic with everyone in the band.
Robin said Steve Vai is bringing a new show called GuitarTV.com live next week. Robin said he purchased a domain name a decade ago and he's finally bringing it live. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the John Gotti movie that Stuttering John is involved with. Robin said that Barry Levinson is on board to direct. Howard said he wants to see the script. Robin said they must have a real project if Barry is involved. Howard said Stuttering John is involved and that's all he has to say. Robin said they have Joe Pesci lined up as well as John Travolta and Lindsay Lohan. Howard said he hopes it works out. Howard said he'd put money on it that the movie never gets made.
Robin said Rick Springfield was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving this weekend. He's 61 years old. Howard said he's got reason to drink if he's a 61 year old Rick Springfield.
Robin said that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon renewed their wedding vows over the weekend. Al Sharpton conducted the ceremony.
Robin read about Jennifer Lopez's new album and said she was on the Today show playing her new music. Howard had some audio of her new song. Howard said that's awful.
Howard said he just got a note about Andy Dick being arrested for being wasted in public. Howard said he was apparently acting disorderly in public. Howard said he has full grey hair in his mug shot. Howard said he's hardly recognizable.
Robin had some audio of one of the actors talking about working in the movie ''Thor.''
Robin said that the Biggest Loser is on tonight. Howard said he stopped watching that show. He said that he used to like seeing the women lose weight and he'd become attracted to them. He said that stopped happening. Howard said they go from being ugly fat to being ugly thin and there is no reason for them to be thin.
Robin said Ralph Macchio is on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he really likes the body on the girl he dances with. Howard said she's got an okay face but her body is great. Robin mentioned some of the other people on the show and Howard talked about how good Kirstie has done working on that show. He said she's lost like 60 pounds. He said she still has a few more pounds to lose though. Robin had some audio of her talking about her dance partner. Howard said the blonde on the show is gorgeous and she's like a professional but they blast her every week. He said he thinks they're trying to make it exciting. They should have made her the winner in the first week. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:05am.
Jon said there was a moment when Ronnie got angry yesterday when the caller was going off on him so they'll get to that today too.
Jon said they have to talk about bin Laden and what went on with that. He said he wants to talk to Scott DePace about that. He asked Scott how he feels about the water boarding thing. Scott said he's fine with it. He'd like to know how Gary feels. Robin said they never said they got the information from him during water boarding.
Benjy said that people are mixing up the moral argument and if it's effective. He asked Robin if it's morally wrong to be doing it. Robin said it is morally wrong and she doesn't think it's effective. She said the guy didn't talk until after it was done. Scott said he's reading the opposite of that so she doesn't know for sure he didn't talk because of that. Gary said he's not sure who two different stories can come out about the same thing like that. Scott said he doesn't care if they chop the guy's toes off. He said the Geneva Convention doesn't apply to them. Robin said it doesn't matter, it's not right.
Gary said he hasn't come out and said he's against torture. He said he's glad that they killed bin Laden because it could have turned into a whole thing if they had just captured him. Benjy asked Robin if she thinks that assassination should be a policy we have. Robin said it depends on the person. She said that Osama was an enemy of the country and he called for a war against us so that's why we did what we did.
Scott ended up talking about the Obama birth certificate thing and how there was a poll done that found that 70 percent of the citizens in this country didn't believe he was a citizen. Gary said he doesn't believe that at all. Scott said Obama did it to put an end to the fiasco.
Scott said he found it funny Robin had screwed up the Geronimo thing with Howard this morning. Robin said she was going by what some FOX News reporter had said.
Scott was saying that if Obama had been President the years before he was elected they might not have had the information they had for him. He said he was against the enhanced interrogation. Scott said they're trying to shut down Guantanamo and stop water boarding people but we have to stop babying the situation and get down to business.
The guys talked about the way they do things and whether or not they'd believe that they'd be getting hit on if someone came up to them like these people do.
Gary said he trusts Mary so he wouldn't need to see this stuff. Gary said that you'd be a jackass after doing it jut to find out if she would do anything. Gary said that she could take a guy's phone number and not throw it away until she's at her car. It's a fine line. Benjy said any decent looking woman is going to get hit on every day. Gary said he thinks that even good guys can get lured in. He said women have to be looking for something.
Benjy said Howard mentioned he knew some guys who have cheated. He asked Gary if he found out 10 years ago Mary had a fling, would it change his relationship. Benjy asked Jon too. Jon said it would change but he's not sure to what degree. Gary agreed. Jon said once the trust is broken then it's hard to replace. Robin said she had a friend who had an affair with her husband's friend before they were married. Ten years into the marriage she told him about it and that made the guy ask her about every encounter they had. She said it was very touch and go after that.
Robin said she caught a guy cheating on her once. She had almost forgotten about it. Robin said she called the guy once to find out what he was up to and she found the conversation kind of odd. She decided to drive to his house and found a red card parked outside. She rang the doorbell and no one would answer the door. She said she went to a phone booth and called and he acted like he was asleep. She said the red card whizzed past her as she was on the phone. Robin said he told her to come back and she confronted him. She said he admitted it. Robin said she asked why he told Suzy Wong to leave and he asked her how she knew she was Asian. She hadn't even seen the woman.
The guys were also talking about kissing being cheating and things like that. Sal had come in so Jon asked if kissing is cheating. Sal said it is. He said some people think looking at a Penthouse is cheating but that's ridiculous. Jon asked what he thinks about this investigation company. Sal said it's not right and it's just about making money. You don't need to send a decoy in. Gary asked if he knows of anyone who has sent in an investigator to check on his wife. Sal said he didn't... He did it himself.
Sal said that they hire these decoys to entrap people so they can suck their spouse dry. That's the only reason you do something like that.
Gary said he was shocked that Steve Martin had to give money to his wife after they got divorced. Sal said he knew a guy who had to give all of his money to his wife after she was caught fucking another guy in front of their kid.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he had his wife cheat on him but he couldn't take her back. He said if your wife has an emotional friend or kisses someone it's much different than a man doing it. Sal said he has to agree with this guy. He said men and women are apples and oranges. He said we're really different. Sal said guys just want instant pleasure. It's like smoking a cigarette. He said when his wife had this ''emotional friend'' she was donating her whole life to that guy. That's the way he felt. He said that was much more detrimental than a guy doing the same thing.
Sal said he had some women come up to him with their husbands and take pictures. Then they go out to the car and the women come back to him asking where he's going to be after they drop off their wives. Sal said they're just like men. Gary asked if he just told them that they were completely different just a few minutes ago. Sal said there are two sides to a coin. He said these women were looking for a quick fling. He said the majority of women want the relationship and the garbage that comes with it. He said women are no different than men. Scott said he's confused. Everyone was after Sal's explanation. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked Sal how he gets past that point when he had doubt in his mind about his wife. Sal said he wanted to keep a roof over his house and his kids in the house.
Gary said he knew a divorced guy who lived in a house with a bunch of guys and they all had to share a hot plate.
Robin had to get going so she got in some plugs for her charity event. you can find out more at 15Foundation.org.
Jon got back to Sal and asked when that doubt went away for him. Sal said it never does. He said he was watching the news and they were asking about the 9/11 thing and that will never go away. It gets better but it never goes away. Sal said he's reading the Dalai Lama's book and he's hoping that helps. He said that he's trying to have compassion and forgive people because of that. He said he's trying to find happiness and that's what he decided to read. He said he's constantly searching for peace within himself.
Jon asked about the interviews Sal and Richard did with the people on the street about Osama being killed. Sal said that one lady thought Lady Diana was killed and Osama was responsible for it. He said the other folks had no idea he was dead. Jon asked Sal if he would have known about it. Sal said he didn't know about it until he got to work on Monday morning. He said Lisa G told him about that.
Jon also congratulated Sal on the Seth Rogen and Maria Menounos prank call. He said it was one of the best they've done. Gary said Howard got to some more of their stuff right away this morning. They did the ''Robin's tour guide'' bit with a guy on the street.
Jon asked Ronnie about the thing he and JD have going on. Ronnie said he was just breaking balls. He said he doesn't have a problem with JD.
Jon asked Ronnie why he's into the whole Twitter thing. Ronnie said he's having fun with it and he may have some work from doing that. He said he might be in a sitcom. He said he got direct messaged by some guy and he called the guy. He said he doesn't have a deal yet. He's just in talks to do the show. He said he can't talk about it right now. Sal asked if he was playing a cadaver. Ronnie said that's the way Sal is and he's just an angry man.
Jon asked who is angrier Sal or Ronnie. Gary said Sal doesn't show his anger. He said Ronnie lets it out more but Sal will save it up. Ronnie said he doesn't think that Sal loves women at all. Sal said he loves women. He said women aren't women when they marry you. He said that they change when you marry them. He said they become more like maids, guardians and parents. He said he's like the fourth kid in the house. He said he's like the kid in the basement that gets peed on.
Sal said he thinks that it's a common thing with guys and women. He said that he and David Arquette have the same problem. He said it's very common. Gary said he doesn't think it's common, it's just something he and David suffer from.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he hopes that he can find a hot chick like Ronnie did when he's older. He said it's cool with him. Ronnie said he gets the feeling that some guys there don't think it's cool he's with Stephanie. He said he didn't think there was any one person. Benjy said he'd like to hear who it is. He said he loves Stephanie and has no problem with it. Ronnie said it's Benjy he gets the vibe from. Jon had to cut them off and take another break though.
Jon asked Sal if he thinks Ronnie is paranoid. Sal said he's paranoid about every move he makes. Benjy said that a lot of people are jealous of what Ronnie is doing. He said a lot of people resent it when someone dates someone that much younger.
Jon moved on to talk about Nick Di Paolo and if Gary ever thought about coloring his hair. Gary said once you start you have to keep doing it. He said everyone knows you're dying your hair when you do it too. Sal said he didn't notice it that much. He said he is in the business so he has to do it. He has to stay young and fresh looking.
Jon asked the guys if they think it pained Nick to admit that Obama did a good job. Gary said it probably did. They spent a minute on that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was up there for a tour a few months back and he had a great time up there. He also said he got back stage with Nick a couple of times and he's a great guy. Gary said he thinks that a lot of people like to fuck with new guys on the channel so that might be why he gets so many negative calls on his show.
Gary said he likes nick and he's hung out with him. He said he's a good guy and fun to hang out with. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how Robin was right on about Ronnie on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He said she had some rap going about the guy who cheated on her too. He said he was listening to her about Ronnie and Twitter and what the end game is with that. Robin said he's just reveling in being popular in some way. Howard said she hit it and it's like he's reliving high school. Robin said he has his own personal fan club. He's like Justin Bieber.
Howard played some audio of Robin talking about Ronnie on Wrap Up yesterday. She was talking about him using Twitter and why she thinks he's doing it. Robin said she thinks it might be ego. You can read the full rundown of the Wrap Up Show here.
Robin said it's like Ronnie has his own monsters following him like Lady Gaga has. Howard said Ronnie's fans are called ''Mundsters.''
Howard said Scott DePace sounded like a moronic birther on the Wrap Up Show. He said he's a bright guy but he sounds silly. Robin said he thinks that his beliefs are facts.
Scott came in and said he never considered that Obama's birth certificate was fake. Howard said he may not have but he was going to tell him about Hawaii. He said Hawaii is part of our country. He said it's the same as Kansas. Howard said the state of Hawaii, when someone is born, they don't issue a birth certificate. They issue a certificate that proves birth but it's an abbreviated form. He said Obama didn't make this up. He said it's legal and he's been able to work and carry on his life. He said it's not the full thing. Howard said everyone who was born in Hawaii has the same stupid thing. He said he's not going to make up something like that.
Scott said Howard was missing his point. Howard said he is not. Howard went on to say that he wouldn't pay attention to this nonsense if he was President and people were saying this stuff. Scott said this was a huge thing and they were trying to pass laws in states to get him to prove this. He told Howard is so wrong about this. Howard said there are people who don't believe we even landed on the moon. He said he had to prove to those whack fucks that he was born in this country. Howard said he didn't have to do it.
Howard said there are people out there who don't believe Osama is dead either. Howard said they took that rat fuck and threw him right in the ocean. He said that was so smart. He said if the body was laying around there would be carrying on and people would be tantruming like crazy. He said they're not worried about people wondering if he's dead or not. Howard said you just don't worry about that stuff.
Scott said he has to get his own show because Howard won't let him talk. He went on to say that this birth certificate was an issue from the start. He said that if it had been proven that he wasn't a citizen then all of the things he did in office would have been null and void. Howard said he had the certificate the whole time. He shouldn't have been questioned.
Howard asked Scott if he believes in god. Scott said he does. Howard asked why because you can't see him. Scott said it's faith. Howard told him to have faith that the President has a birth certificate. Howard told him to get out of there. He said he likes Scott but he can't stand when he talks.
Fred said he feels the same way. Scott was out in Gary's office talking to him so he and Fred ended up arguing. Howard said Fred is an artist. He's very sensitive. Fred said he's very smart but he lacks common sense.
Howard and Scott continued to argue over the intercom. They were arguing about the birth certificate and other stuff. Howard said Scott is out of his fucking mind. He said this is a result of the fact that the guy is black. Howard said he's a citizen of the United States and everyone in Hawaii gets one like that. He said they're looking to get rid of the guy over a technicality. Fred asked why they accept that John McCain is a citizen of this country. Scott said it was never questioned. Howard said they should question everyone like they did with Obama.
Howard said Scott is out of his mind. He said he thinks that Scott just wants to live in the south and have slaves. Scott told him to take that back. Scott said he's not racist. Howard said he's not saying he's racist but questioning the guy over his citizenship is about race. Howard said that McCain is white and they don't question where he was born.
Scott asked if Howard will tell Trump he's moronic. Howard said he likes Trump the same way he likes Scott. He said the guy isn't going to run for President. He's trying to appeal to morons and it's ruining his brand. He said this publicity can ruin his brand and he will tell him that. Howard said it's hurting, not helping.
Howard said Trump is spreading a lot of bad vibes and he's not welcome on Letterman and Seinfeld canceled something with him. He said people are going to be upset with him if he keeps doing what he's doing. He's not getting anything out of it. Howard said the guy has a lot of good will but he doesn't have to keep talking about all of this stuff the way he is. Howard said people are fact checking everything he says and he's not used to that scrutiny. He said they're going to make him into a complete buffoon and a joke. Howard said he knows he loves the attention and he would tell him all of this. He said he'll have Trump on anytime. He said he's had him on the show for many years and even before anyone else wanted to have him on.
Howard said there are people looking at Trump like he's a clansman. He said of course he'd tell him all of this. He's a friend.
Howard said of course the government of Pakistan knew where this guy was. Robin said they're saying in Congress that they have to stop the aid. Howard said they're saying in Pakistan that the United States should have told them they were going in. Howard said Osama would have been whisked out of there if they had told them. Howard said they did this mission without killing the kids that were in the compound. He said it's amazing that they did what they did.
Howard said the SEALs have to be protected. He said they have to have the smarts and physical strength to do what they do. He said these guys are very special. Robin said they have some very physical things they have to do like holding their breath really long.
Howard said this Team 6 is an older team and they're brought in on the toughest assignments. Howard said they don't fuck around. Robin said they have to say goodbye to their family and kids and they have no idea what they're up to. Howard said their wives never know what they've done. They're not allowed to say a word about where they were or what they were doing.
Howard said the irony in all of this is that this compound was only a mile away from a training camp we set up for the Pakistan military. Howard said that country is such a shithole that you have to understand what they're doing. Howard said the leader there would just throw people off the base and take it over. Howard said the government over there had to know where Osama was. Osama's guys all live in that same area too. Howard said if the Pakistani government wanted to help they'd go in and round them all up. Howard said they might be able to get some leads from their computers there at the compound. He said it's a great day.
Howard said the President is going to be coming to New York City to Ground Zero. Howard said many of the people who had lost people there had put flowers there to remember the dead after the attacks. He said Obama and John McCain put flowers on the memorial back then and they were both moved by the whole thing. Howard said Obama was so moved by that day that he said he would get Osama some day if he became president. Howard said Obama is going to come back and say a few words about it.
Howard said this is like Hitler being assassinated. He said this guy wasn't assassinated though. He said Osama had people blown up. He said this was a reaction and he was public enemy number 1.
Robin asked Howard about Obama inviting George Bush to come to Ground Zero and he declined. Rudy Giuliani hasn't gotten back to him either. Howard said he thinks that it's too painful for Rudy to come down. Howard said Bush is just staying out of the spotlight. He thinks that Bush is just laying low. Howard said he thinks he's doing the right thing.
Howard said he had a list of the things that the SEALs have to do. He read about all of the push-ups, sit-ups and pull-ups that they have to do. They have to be able to run a certain distance in a certain time. Howard said these guys have to run mile in full gear in around 10 minutes.
Howard said he had something from the paper about Team 6. He read about the guys who have an average age of 38. He said they're seasoned pros. Howard said they write about the preparations and how they shot Osama in the head with one shot. Howard said they can't get details about Team 6 and officially the team doesn't exist. Howard said he wishes he was on Team 6. Robin said he could say he is because they don't officially exist.
Howard said they say that these guys aren't supposed to talk about any of the stuff they do. He said this guy who wrote about this stuff knows one of the guys in Team 6 but he's not going to try to pick his brain over it. Howard said he's not sure how he knows the guy. He shouldn't even know that.
Howard did an impression of his mom talking about her husband going out and killing Osama. Howard had her talking about what her husband does and how the wives should get credit for helping out.
Howard read about some of the other stuff this Team 6 has done. They took out some Somali pirates that had some people held hostage once. Robin asked where team 1 through 5 are. Howard said we'll never know.
Robin said they say that Osama was never marginalized because he was always a factor. She said the computers were all found and they say that they could have a wealth of information in there.
Howard read something from the NY Post where they said that the leader of Team 6 was supposed to utter the word ''Geronimo'' but he didn't do it. He shouted ''For God and country Geronimo, Geronimo, Geronimo...'' That was his way of saying their mission was successful.
Howard read about the people who were killed and how they didn't kill any of the children in there. They say that Osama's son was killed and some other people but no children.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what his dad had to say about this thing. Howard said he spoke to him the other day and they were excited about it. He said his mom wasn't happy about it so she put out the fire. She told him not to be so happy about it. Howard said his dad was excited about it too.
Howard said his mother doesn't like war talk. He said she's a veal. He said she wouldn't play a sport or anything. He said she says that running around is ridiculous. She won't let his dad even watch baseball. He likes baseball but she won't let him watch.
Howard did his impression of his mom again. He had her talking about how the SEALs shouldn't be running around and doing all of their push-ups and sit-ups so much. They need to rest. Howard said she would shut Robin down if she tried to argue with her about what she's up to. Howard said there's no winning with her. He said you don't even know what she's saying.
Howard said he and his dad were having a good time talking about Osama. He said his dad called him last night and said he heard him talking about what happened and he said he did it without reading from the paper. He said his dad thought it was very interesting and he got very into it. He said it was a nice moment when his dad told him that.
Howard said his dad told him the Sirius stock was up over $2. He said he doesn't check it that much now but he used to. Robin said she's now with two bucks. Howard said they have Jesse James coming in today. Howard said he'll be there to talk about what went on with Sandra Bullock and all of that. He's got a new book out to promote.
Howard came back and said he was just sitting there thinking about their next guest, Jesse James. Howard said he almost said Jesse Ventura. Howard had Jesse come in after that. He said he had cut his hair. Robin thought he had a pony tail the last time he was in. Jesse said he cut his hair like 15 years ago.
Howard said Jesse looked like a guy walking to death row. Howard said he didn't get Jesse's plug. He asked what happened to his hit TV show. Jesse said it just ended like 5 years ago. Howard said he did the Jesse James is a Dead Man too but that was just one season.
Howard said he read that Jesse is going to marry Kat Von D. He said that he knew he was married to Janine Lindemulder and Jesse knew it was a bad idea just 4 months in. Robin asked when he knew it was wrong to marry Sandra Bullock. Jesse said Robin has lots of jokes today. Jesse said he's been married 20 years if you add all three together.
Howard asked why he's rushing to marry Kat when he could just live with her for a while. Howard said if he was having issues like Jesse was then he'd avoid getting married again. Jesse said it's just a testament to what an amazing girl she is. He said she's stood by his side through all of this. He said she was there when no one wanted to be his friend. Jesse said she was his friend no matter what anyone said. He said it just blossomed and happened. He said he did some hard work on himself in rehab and therapy. He said he finally loves himself and he accepts himself for who he is. Jesse said he can now love someone else and be in a relationship. He said the problem in his other relationships was him, not the other people. Jesse said he would always screw it up and sabotage it because he couldn't live with himself.
Howard said in the book Jesse talks about how rough is father was on him. He thinks that he's saying that his vibe was that Sandra, who said she loved him, he never felt worthy. Jesse said he felt that the rug could be yanked out at any moment. He said he didn't really believe that she loved him and it was all of this self manifestation in his mind.
Howard said he had Jesse in there and he believed that he wasn't into Sandra. He said she wasn't fun. Jesse said he was so fucked up after that. He said he drove to rehab at like 120 miles per hour. He said he really needed help. He said he turned on Howard Stern that day and he heard himself the whole way there. They were replaying his interview. Howard said he never did see them together. Jesse said that's what everyone saw. He said they were like the odd couple to most people. He said she was just Sandy to him though. He said she wasn't that movie star.
Howard said when you're married to a movie starlet they're not there all the time. Howard said Jesse needed someone in bed there. Jesse said he cheated on her when she was gone so that is kind of true. He said he didn't cheat on her right away. He said it took a couple of years. Jesse said he still had a steady stream of shit heads coming through his shop and he was living in that same life he was always living in. He said people thought he had it made but he was working his ass off.
Howard said he thinks that he wanted to be caught. He said Jesse was kind of open about fucking these broads. He said they had that Bombshell McGee in there and she told them what they were up to. Howard asked if he wanted to be caught. Jesse said he thinks subconsciously he did. He knew that what happened would eventually happen. He didn't think it would get that blown out of proportion though.
Jesse said he was being hunted by paparazzi and he almost killed one. He said he was almost hit by this guy and he got off his bike and there were like 6 guys and one of them decided to be a bad ass and not leave. He said one of his dudes slashed his tires and he almost ripped the guy's head off. He said he kind of caught himself and said he had to get a grip. He said he knew he had to get help.
Howard asked if Jesse ever thought about just leaving. He said he did think about it. He said he was in the middle of it though so it was tough with the kids and all of that going on. He said he was under the pressure of the media too. He said he was afraid that he would embarrass her and he had no idea that he was going to embarrass her as much as he did by not leaving her.
Robin asked what was going wrong that he knew was going wrong. Robin said Sandra was talking about how great he was to her and Jesse was standing there crying. Howard asked if he was crying because he was so upset about what he had done. Jesse said he really cared for her and the stuff he did doesn't nullify what he had done. He said he had real feelings for her and the problem was him.
Howard asked Jesse why he wrote a book and didn't just move off to Europe like Clause Von Bulow. Jesse didn't know who he was. Howard said he was a guy who was accused of killing someone. Howard said Jesse didn't kill anyone but he's just comparing him.
Howard asked Jesse about crying at the Academy Awards when Sandra was talking to him. Jesse said he was happy for her. He said that the stuff that happened was 11 months before that. He said she didn't know about it and it was old news. He said they had adopted a kid at the time and that brought them closer. He said their relationship was in a great place at the time. Jesse said he was trying to get his life in order and devoting himself to her.
Howard asked who talked and ruined it all. Jesse said they were working on their relationship and it was Bombshell McGee who broke the news. He said she's an opportunist and she took 30 grand to tell that story. Howard asked if she tried to blackmail him. Jesse said there wasn't but he would have told her to go get fucked if she did try to do that.
Jesse said that Sandra got a call from her publicist about the whole thing. He said he had to level with her and tell her what happened. Howard said he can't imagine what that was like. Jesse said he had to tell her what he did and it was really tough. He said what he was telling her was going to make it so he'd never see her again. That was very tough.
Howard asked where Jesse told her about it. Jesse said he had her meet him at the shop and she came over and gabbed the kid and her stuff and she was done. Howard asked if he tried to get back with her. He said he did try to do that for the sake of the kids. He said the damage was already done though.
Howard asked if Sandra was completely done with him after that. Jesse said that if it was any other couple they probably would have worked it out. He said she was completely done with him though. There was no chance of it working out.
Howard asked Jesse about his kids and how they dealt with the whole thing. Jesse said that everything has stopped . He said he sat his older kids down and told them what was going on. He said he told the older kids everything. He said he said they were pretty upset but they hugged him and said they loved him no matter what. Howard said that's because he was honest with them. Howard said as a parent you have to confront that stuff directly. Jesse said his parents never told him shit. He said he still doesn't know what happened with them.
Howard said he read that Jesse was an athlete in high school. His house burned down and his father accused him of burning it down so they put him in Juvi so he lost out on all of his scholarships. Jesse said he had a lot of offers. He said his father punched him in the face pretty hard over that. He said his father had a wife at the time who didn't dig him. He said his father was single for a few years and they were really close. Then he met this woman who didn't like him and that ended.
Jesse said his father was a really funny guy but he has no contact with him now. He said his mom is still around for the kids but he doesn't feel that bond between them. Jesse said his mom would hug him but it was just a pat. He said she wasn't the hugging type. He said his kids hug him really hard.
Howard said maybe Jesse was unfaithful to Sandra because he was abandoned. Howard said Sandra would leave him for weeks at a time so maybe he took it out on her for cheating. Jesse said he didn't knowingly do that. He said he thinks he's just angry with himself. He said he should have just left her instead.
Jesse said he had to stop living his life the way he had lived it for 35 years. He said he had to think about Sandra before he'd go out and punch someone out who owed him money.
Howard asked Jesse how long he was in rehab. He said it was 30 days. He was in there for alcohol. He never did drugs. Jesse said he just showed up there and a lady there welcomed him in there and put him right in. He said they never question you about why you're there. He said you start intensive therapy. He said they don't treat you for one particular thing. He said you list your history and stuff came out that he hadn't thought about since he was a kid. He said they don't tell you what's wrong with you. Jesse said he put the pieces of the puzzle together himself. He's still in therapy a little bit.
Howard asked why he's still in therapy. Jesse said you have to learn stuff and apply it. He said he has good and bad days and he's got life in perspective now. He said if you're in a constant state of discovery. He said he stepped out of rehab and felt like a new man. Howard asked if women give him looks and stuff. Jesse said he's never had anyone come up to him and say anything to his face. He said it's all good now.
Howard asked about Kat Von D and if they have a wedding date. Jesse said they don't yet. Howard said maybe he should deny himself this marriage thing for now. Jesse said they're not living together yet and the old Jesse might have been married by now. He said he would never cheat on her. He said he knows better now. He said he would break up before he'd do that.
Howard asked Jesse if he was right about what he said last time he was there. Jesse said that was only 2 years ago. Howard asked if it can be too tame and not good enough in a relationship. Jesse said he doesn't feel comfortable talking to another dude about his sex life. Howard said he's wondering if it's a mental thing or a physical thing to cheat. Jesse said it's a mental thing. Jesse said he's with Kat and it's like nothing he's ever had. He said she's more of a match to him on every front. Howard asked if Kat's family wonders what she's up to. Jesse said she has a great relationship with her parents and they're cool people. He said her dad is great and he'll get on the phone and talk to him. He said most people think he's a fuck head when they see him in pictures so you have to get to know him.
Howard asked Jesse if he ever thought about being treated with a drug or if he thought about suicide. Jesse said he never felt like killing himself because he has kids but he wondered when he might snap. He said he's been pretty positive in life. Jesse said he has dome good friends who stuck with him through all of that. Jesse said he got a lot of letters and comments from people who are happy it happened. He said they thought he went all Hollywood when he married her. He said they think they have him back now. Jesse said that there would be guys who would talk about cars around him trying to get his attention. He said that's like talking about cars with Howard.
Howard asked who the first people were not to return calls. Jesse said there were a lot of people who were upset by the whole thing. He said NBC won't have him on any shows related to NBC because they're devoted to Sandra. He said he thinks that's just because they're dicks. Jesse told Howard that he did Piers Morgan last night and the guy is kind of scared of him because he almost socked him on The Apprentice.
Jesse said he made sure he got sleep last night because Howard is the only guy he's afraid of. He said his friends all listen to Howard so that's why he's so afraid of doing the show.
Howard asked Jesse about this child that he adopted with Sandra. He's the adoptive father and he hasn't seen him at all. Jesse said it's been a source of sadness that he's come to grips with. He said that he has to wake up and think about his own 3 kids. He said he can't put himself in a depression about the kid he doesn't have. He said he hasn't had any contact with Sandra at all.
Howard asked Jesse about Janine Lindemulder and the kid they have together. He has custody of that child. Jesse said he lets Janine see the kid and she has limited visitation. He said they have this amazing little girl and he'd go through it all again just for that. He said he tried to take the high road with Janine and Sandra. He said that Janine was beautiful and a big star and she took offense to him marrying someone bigger than her. He said Sandra became the kid's mom.
Howard asked how long you wait to bang a woman again after the break up. Howard asked if that woman was Kat. Jesse said he doesn't agree with that term ''banged.'' Howard said that he was gun shy at first. Howard said they must have told him not to rush into it. Jesse said they didn't give him any advice in rehab. He said during that whole scandal there was no TV in rehab. He said there was one chick in there who was a Howard Stern fan. He said she would give him daily updates about Howard and Robin talking about him on the show.
Howard asked if Sandra is Jewish. She had a bris with the kid they adopted. Jesse said they did that to keep it private. He said the Moil came to the house and did his thing. He said it was really cool. Howard asked why they did it. Howard said he thinks that it's cruel. Jesse said when you're 2 months old you don't care. Howard said he wishes he still had his foreskin.
Howard asked Jesse about the Nazi stuff he collects. Jesse said that picture was taken a decade ago. He was wearing regular clothes and he put on an SS hat and it was a joke. He said it was funny at the time. He said he was at a party in his house and his old assistant sold that picture for $200,000. He said his godfather, who is Jewish, rents a building to a guy who has uniforms. Jesse said he collects Volkswagens and he puts the hats in the cars when he puts them on display. He said he doesn't goose step or anything like that. He said he's the most non-racist guy Howard would know. He said he was born in South Central L.A. and he was the only white kid in the area. He said he's not racist at all. Jesse said it was funny at the time but it's not funny now. He said he feels regret about the picture now.
Howard asked Jesse about his father and if he was racist. Jesse said his father didn't like the blacks. He said he grew up in Compton and it was only 4 percent black and by 1962 it was only 4 percent white. Jesse said he knows every joke with the N-word in it from his father telling them. Jesse said he had a friend in high school who came over and his dad made a joke to his face and it wasn't funny. Howard asked what his father's favorite joke was that he would tell over and over. Jesse said his father would say ''Do you know where Cocoons come from? Co-Compton.''
Howard asked when he last spoke to his dad. He said it's probably 10 years now. He doesn't even know what his father thought of him adopting the black kid with Sandra.
Howard said Jesse must not be able to forgive his father for what he did to him. Jesse said that his dad sells childhood pictures of him on eBay and stuff. He said his dad doesn't care. Jesse said his dad had a son who died of AIDS and he never called him when he was sick. Jesse said that he was better off not having him around though.
Howard said his father must have been trying to get back with him when he was with Sandra. Jesse said it didn't happen like that. Everything that happened with his dad was like 20 years ago. Jesse said he got arrested for stealing some cars once and he heard the cops telling his dad to say he had bought the cars from someone and make out a receipt and they'd let him go. Jesse said his father just said ''fuck no'' and let them lock him up. Jesse said he was a bad kid. He would steal cars and rob places to get money for school clothes.
Howard asked Jesse about the Swastika tattoo that Bombshell McGee had. Jesse said he didn't know about any of that. Howard said he heard that Robert Downey Jr. had sent a note to Jesse about what a great shitstorm he was in. Jesse said that Whoopi Goldberg was very supportive too. He said she said that people shouldn't judge him over infidelity. Howard said there are people who have done the same thing who are now holier than thou.
Howard said Jesse is going to be signing copies of his new book ''American Outlaw'' in the New York and New Jersey area over the next couple of days.
Howard asked Jesse if the book is going to help him with people. Jesse said that it might make him look worse actually. He said it's kind of therapeutic for him though.
Howard asked if he wanted to take some calls. Jesse said he's fine as long as that Ralph guy doesn't call in. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jesse just bullshits the whole time he's in there and he's not sure why Howard has him in there. He said that he's blaming his father for what he did. Jesse said he's being honest and he owns everything that he's done. Jesse said he thinks the caller just isn't listening.
Another caller asked about Kat being with Nikki Sixx and if she said she had found her soul mate with him. Jesse said they were together for like 3 years. Howard said that Bombshell McGee said that Jesse has a big cock when she was in there. Howard said that must make him feel good. He said that would be a big deal to him.
Howard said Jesse used to do security for rock stars before he was doing his bikes. Jesse said he did that for the Red Hot Chili Peppers once. Jesse said he had a kid die in his arms at a concert once. He was like a 13 year old punker kid. He said he had fallen on his head at the concert when a security guard got into it. Howard asked if the family knew about it happening like that. Jesse said he doesn't think it would make national news.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said he is a fuck head and he's obnoxious. She said that Sandra had this beautiful life and he went out and wrote a book. She said he should have gone out into oblivion. She said no one will be at his book signings. Jesse said he gets an overwhelming amount of support. Mariann said that was bullshit.
Howard asked Mariann if she knows anyone who cheats. Mariann said that they're not doing it in the public eye. Robin said that doesn't matter. Howard said his big crime is that he cheated on Sandra Bullock. Jesse said he owned up to it. Mariann asked why he didn't go out quietly. Jesse said he's not going anywhere. Jesse told her to have a glass of water. He could heard it in her voice.
Jesse said this woman on the phone must have something painful going on in her life. He said he stood up like a man and took all of the shit. He said he didn't hide from anything. He said he's beyond remorseful and he's fixed himself. He said most people would deny it or try to hide it. He said the first statement he made was about how he deserves anything bad that comes his way. Robin said that most of the people who do cheat, like Bill Clinton and Elliot Spitzer have recovered.
Howard said he thinks that Jesse is back. He said he doesn't care that Bill Clinton got a blow job. He said he shouldn't have been messing around with interns though.
Howard asked Fred if he's turned off to Jesse at all. Fred said he's not one bit. He said he's just moving on with his life.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Jesse had ever met the Teutels from American Chopper. He said he did like 10 years ago and they were trying to get him to look at their Spider Man bike. He said that they might end up doing a biker build off together. He said it should be high stakes if they do.
Another caller said he's a supporter of Jesse's and he's read his books and all of that. He said he did own up to his stuff so fuck all of the haters.
Howard asked how long the conversation was with Sandra when he told her about what he did. Jesse said it was probably 10 minutes. He said he's happier now than he's ever been a year later. He said Kat doesn't want to change him and she has his back. Howard asked if it's the best thing that could have happened. Jesse said it's not the best because he hurt so many people. He said it's the best thing that he's had happen to himself.
Howard asked how he met Kat. Jesse said he met her in 2002 when she started doing her TV show. He said she was looking for help and they were just friendly over the years. He said it was purely plutonic all of those years.
Jesse said he had to go to a trial after rehab and this guy was trying to sue him over this Walmart thing. He said he ended up winning that case. He said he sold some work ware at Walmart and the guy was saying it was his. He said he had guys coming in and saying that if he cheated on his wife he must cheat on this thing. He said they had people on the jury who were working for TMZ. He said it was like his lowest point ever. Jesse said he was paying some of these guys six figures at his motorcycle shop saying he was a piece of shit. He said it really hurt. Jesse said he was the best boss ever. He said he would boot out lazy mother fuckers but he took care of the guys who worked well. Jesse said he had one guy step up and say they felt for him and knew he was hurting. That one person was Kat Von D.
Jesse said he and Kat got together for dinner and he had no feelings for her other than respect. Howard asked if he was shocked he won the case. Jesse said he knew he was right so he wasn't shocked.
Howard asked if Sandra had to pay him when they divorced. Jesse said she didn't have to pay him anything. He said they had a pre-nup but he didn't want any of her money. He said that's not the way he rolls. Howard asked if he got anything at all. Jesse said he got nothing.
Howard asked if there was any romance that night with Kat. Jesse said there was a spark there but no romance. Howard asked how long it was before they had sex. Jesse said everything happened the right way and that's all he's going to say. Howard asked if he has a problem with sex because he's so big. Howard said he has no problem with his. Howard said Bombshell said she freaked when she saw him. Jesse said he doesn't obsess on his penis size. Howard asked if Sandra freaked when she saw his penis. He said that maybe she adopted a black child so he'd have a big penis like his father. Jesse said he didn't care what the kid was. He said he just wanted a kid that needed them the most.
Jesse said he had to take his name off the adoption papers for the kid so he doesn't have to send money or anything. Jesse asked if they could talk about motorcycles or cars or something.
Ralph called in and said he defended Jesse through that whole thing. He said Sandra knew what she was getting into with him. Jesse said that she married a biker and he acted like a biker and everyone was bummed. Howard said she must have been attracted to him for being a bad boy. Jesse said he's not a bad boy. Howard said he burned down his father's house.
Ralph said he defended him on something else. Jesse thanked him for that. Ralph also said that he defended him on the Nazi uniform thing too. They've had Nazi uniforms in the studio before too. Fred dressed up in one. Ralph said that the stuff just looks cool. That doesn't mean he's a Nazi. Jesse said that he collects the cars and not the other stuff. He said that there were G.I.'s who brought home Nazi memorabilia. He said they made it seem like that picture was taken days before they broke up. It was 10 years before.
Howard asked Jesse if he thinks about running into Sandra. Jesse said he's pretty sure that won't happen. They don't hang out in the same places.
Howard said he saw a movie with Sandra in it where she was naked and making out with a dude. Jesse said she made like 6 or 7 of those while they were together. He said it is a little weird. He said that it was kind of trying on his ''what the fuck.'' He said she would downplay it and he'd have to watch her in a scene nude with some dude. He said she'd tell him that they had to wear these little bikini things. He said he knows that she wanted to find the good looking guys. Howard asked if Jesse thinks that she ever cheated on him. He said he doesn't know anything about that. Howard asked if he has hit into something there. Jesse said he didn't suspect her of cheating on him. Howard said he looks like he wants to say something but he won't say it. Howard said he must think she cheated on him. Jesse said he doesn't think that. He said she could have cheated if she wanted but he has no knowledge of that. Howard asked if she had any emotional connection to the guys she worked with. He said she probably did but that's bound to happen. He said that whole world is a funny pretend world. Jesse said he thinks that he's in reality and that's what he focuses on. He said he's just glad he's out of that whole thing.
Howard took a couple more calls for Jesse. One guy asked who the best fuck he's had was. Howard asked if it was Sandra, Janine or the other one. Jesse said that the media is who fucked him the best.
Another caller said that Jesse is the baddest bike builder ever. He asked why he closed up his shop. Jesse said he closed it up and moved to Texas. He said he was over California. Jesse said he can shoot automatic weapons with silencers at home now. He said he loves that.
Another caller asked how many women he's been with at once and how many in the same day. Jesse said he didn't know. He said his life isn't as crazy as people think it is.
Howard stated to wrap up with Jesse and Jesse asked if Robin likes him or not. Robin said she does. Howard asked why he doesn't use a condom. Jesse said that's a myth. Howard asked if it's true a condom won't fit him. He said that is true and he has to use trash bags. Howard asked if he has used Magnums. Jesse said he's not endorsing any condoms. Howard told him to answer his questions. Jesse said he uses whatever Howard uses.
Another caller asked if Sandra likes anal. Jesse just laughed. He said Howard is bummed he didn't ask that one. Howard asked if he spanked her and if she came on his face. Jesse said that was a weird one.
Howard said he had fun with the interview today. He told him to use a condom when he's with these broads. Jesse said he's only got one and that's forever. Jesse said he used to say that he would see how it would go but now he's saying he's with just one.
Howard asked what that Kat Von D is doing in bed. Jesse said she's a great girl and he would forgive her even if she cheated on him.
Howard asked Jesse what he thought of the Osama bin Laden thing. Jesse said that SEALs rule. He said that was great. He thinks that we'll know the guy who plugged him sooner rather than later. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and played a clip of Doug Stanhope doing a comedy bit about boners, porn and the fat guys that show up in porn clips and ruin it for you. Doug was sitting in so Howard asked if he's really disgusted with sex. Doug said he has no sex drive at all and he thinks he's disgusting. Howard asked if he's on any medication. Doug said he's not, he's just not horny. Howard said Bingo was there too. That's Doug's long time girlfriend. Howard said she has to be medicated because she's schizophrenic.
Howard asked Bingo if she understands why Doug won't have sex with her. She said she's fine with it. She said her sex drive is gone from the medication anyway. She's on all kinds of mood stabilizers and things like that.
Howard asked Bingo if she gets angry at god for doing this to her. Bingo said she's got a great life and she's very happy right now. Doug said he's 44 years old and he doesn't want to crawl on top of her and try to have sex. He said the last time they did it was like 6 months ago. Bingo said he only has a sex drive when he's done cocaine.
Bingo is 34 years old so Howard said it must be weird to be that age and not be having sex. Bingo said she'd rather do it by herself. Howard said sex is an important part of a relationship. Bingo said it's weird to stick a body part into another person's body part.
Doug said he's never related sex to love. He said he loves Bingo and they don't have to have sex to show that. Howard asked if Doug would be jealous if Bingo went out and had sex with someone else. Doug said he'd be fine with it but he wouldn't want to know about it.
Howard asked Doug why he does drugs after seeing what Bingo has been through. Doug said he doesn't take them that often. He said he takes some downers. He said he's not what he'd call an addict. Howard told Doug about Robin's Ayahuasca experience. Doug said he heard about that and he smoked DMT which is the synthesized version of that. Robin said she knows what the active ingredient is. Howard said he's done some drugs and he tells people not to do them. Howard said 4 hits of LSD will make you see what Bingo sees.
Howard asked Doug if he had a bad time like Robin did when he did the DMT thing. Doug said it didn't last that long but you see data and formulas and stuff. Doug said you know everything and you've always known it. He said that's what he saw just like Robin. Howard asked Doug if he's done it all. Doug said he's done everything but heroin.
Howard said Bingo must need sex. He asked how her body is. She said it's alright. She has grown her hair out too. Howard said she used to shave her head. Howard said he finds it odd that they don't think about having sex. Howard said you'd think that you'd want to be intimate with the other person. Howard asked Doug if he'd be jealous if Bingo went out and fucked someone. He said he'd be fine as long as she didn't talk about it. Howard said maybe she has done it. Bingo said they don't talk about it.
Bingo said Doug goes out on the road and maybe he fucks girls but they don't ask. Howard said he can see right through Bingo and she's fucking someone. Bingo said they don't ask and they don't tell. Howard told her to be honest. She said okay and said she has done it twice in 6 years. Bingo said it was a very drunken moment. She said she didn't want to say who it was. Howard asked if Doug knows them. She said no. Howard asked if he really wants her fucking other guys. Doug said it's an over rated thing and it's no different than sneezing. Howard asked if they were bigger comedians than Doug.
Bingo said one of them was a school bus driver. Bingo said she went to a football game at the high school and got drunk. Doug laughed and said she got shit faced that night and went to the high school football game and walked out on the field with the marching band. Bingo said she had bitten one 13 year old kid and grabbed his trombone. She said she was marching up and down the sidelines with the Trombone and she doesn't even know how to play. She said she drank a lot that night. She said it's not smart to drink on the medication she's on.
Howard asked if this was in the middle of the day. She said it was in the evening. Howard said she's a cute package and he finds her adorable. Howard said he can picture her running around with the trombone. Doug said this would be a relationship killer for most people. He said somehow he's the weird guy.
Howard said Doug is an amazing guy. He overlooks everything. Doug said that's a hilarious story to him. He said he really doesn't care that she fucked the bus driver. Howard asked how they kicked her off. She said the driver was also the band leader. She said that he had to get the trombone back. He took her home and she ended up Skyping someone.
Howard cut Bingo off and asked if the guy fucked her in their bed. Bingo said that they sleep on the couch actually. She said they have a really strong relationship. Howard asked how the guy seduced her. Bingo said it was kind of hazy. She said she's not sure how it happened. Bingo said she Skyped one of her friends and that guy had to tell her what happened. She said it was a little hazy and she doesn't remember the details.
Doug said when she drank she would be completely whacked out. Bingo said she was checking in with this guy and explaining what was going on. The friend saw her nude in the room and she was telling him that she was getting fucked by this guy. Howard said it sounds like she wanted to be seen fucking. Howard said she's a lot of fun.
Howard asked Doug why he doesn't want to be the guy banging her on Skype while she's naked. Howard asked if the guy was a good fuck. Bingo said she doesn't know. She said she never cums so she doesn't know if he was good. Bingo said the guy left in the morning. She said she never told Doug about this until now. She knew he wouldn't care about it.
Howard said that would bother him. He said he thinks that it bothers Doug. Doug said it really doesn't. Doug said he doesn't want to see the guy in the Safeway though. Howard asked Doug if he wants to go out and fuck someone now. Doug said he has no sex drive. He has no desire to do that. Howard asked when they last fucked. They said it was at least 6 months ago. Howard said that's sad.
Bingo told Howard she was with a woman once too. She said the name of the woman so Howard dumped out of it. Howard thought she said the name of the girl but she was actually trying to say that she ''looks like'' Anna Nicole Smith and said the wrong name.
Howard asked Bingo about that night but she said it wasn't that big of a deal. Howard asked Doug if he had any jealousy at all. Doug said no. Howard asked for the details and Bingo said she took the other girl's clothes off. She said she was somewhat turned on when she disrobed the other girl. She said she licked the other girl's vagina but it didn't last long. She said that she kissed her clitoris and did that kind of stuff. Howard asked if she did it until the girl had enough. Bingo said they were drunk so it didn't last too long. She said it was really a non-event.
Howard said this sounds like a great relationship. Howard said he'll live and learn but he doesn't understand it.
Howard asked Doug if he wants to spend the rest of his life with Bingo. He said he does and maybe he'll get free bus passes out of it. He said that story was so fucking funny.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Bingo is a real party. He said he had a threesome with her once. Howard asked if that was true. The guy said he was serious but it sounded like he was just joking. The guy said they had her during Doug's show. Doug said it's not easy to pull the wool over her eyes.
Another caller said Doug could get a cream to rub on him if he really wanted to fuck her. Howard asked Bingo if she worries about getting AIDS or anything from the guy she was with. Bingo said it wasn't a planned thing. The caller said that Doug sounds like a broken man. Doug said he feels great though.
Howard took another call and the guy said that Doug talks about how pathetic the audience is that comes out. He said that he just keeps going telling them how pathetic they are. Howard asked what his point is. The caller said it felt awkward to him. He said Doug has this intentional awkward moment. Howard didn't know where the guy was going with that so he moved on.
Another caller said she's bipolar and this relationship sounds more normal than Howard realizes. She said it's typical for a bipolar relationship. She said that it can be done. Howard said he knows a lot of women would like a guy like Doug who doesn't want sex.
Howard took another call and the guy said Doug has a great story about getting blown by a tranny once. Doug said that was from like 1992 or something. Howard said that sounds like a nightmare. He asked if it was intentional. Doug said they had assumed it was a dude. He said she jumped in their Jeep and said she'd blow them for $15. He said it was only 15 bucks but she stole his wallet while she was doing it. He said it turned into a fist fight so it was a bad night.
Howard said it was great seeing them. He gave Doug another plug for his CD ''Oslo: Burning The Bridge To Nowhere'' and talked to him about pirating and bootlegging. Doug said he has no problem with pirating his CD. He has a problem with the bootlegging of the stuff he's working out. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Howard came back and listened to the Ozzy song for a few seconds. Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview after that.
Jon came in and ran down the list of things they're going to cover today. They spent a little time talking about Jesse James, Ronnie's tweets, Doug Stanope and Bingo and more.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been enjoying his commentary on Osama bin Laden the past couple of days. He asked Howard what he thinks about Sal and his wife's emotional friend. He said he thinks that Sal's wife laughing at him in pain on the show the time she shot him with the paint ball gun was disturbing. Howard said that's a horrible relationship. He said it's not right for her to laugh at him like that and to have the whole 143 thing going on.
The caller asked Howard if he would be able to stay with someone who laughed the way Sal's wife did. Howard said no, he would not be able to stay with her.
Howard read some more about the enhanced interrogations thing and how they think that they could have helped get the information out of the prisoner that they got the courier information from. Howard said the problem is that water boarding people who don't know anything won't work. Robin said the problem is that they get false information just so they'll stop doing the water boarding. She said that they'll agree to anything just to stop the torture. Howard said he still thinks it's good. Robin said we're no better than the people we're going after if we keep that up.
Howard said he read about Sean Penn and Scarlet Johansson making out at the Correspondent's dinner. He said that they ran off for like 20 minutes during the dinner and if you have to fuck that bad then don't go out. Howard said maybe it's some needy black hole inside of them where they have to prove that someone loves them. Howard said he has no proof that they fucked at the dinner though.
Ralph called in and said they have a bunch of things coming up on GEEKTIME this week. They're now on Friday's at noon on Howard 101. They're going to b talking about Thor and have some great guests coming up. Howard and Ralph talked about how great the movie Thor was. Ralph thought it was going to be way out there but the movie was great. Howard agreed.
Howard said Sal and Richard went out and interviewed some people about what Donald Trump was doing to Obama about the birth certificate. The guy said he didn't give a shit about that. Then they asked the guy about Robin Quivers. He knew all about Robin. He knew that she was the big titty chick. He mumbled something that no one understood.
Robin started her news with a story about how they're looking to measure people's noses to enter them in a contest. Robin said this is going on in Germany. Howard wondered if he could win that. Robin said the man who has measured the longest has a 5 inch nose. Robin said a woman has 4 inches. Howard said he must have one pretty big. Robin said his is probably 3 or 3 1/2. Howard said he's cute compared to those guys.
Robin said that TV ownership has dropped off over the past few years. Robin said that's because there are new ways to get TV shows. She said you can watch on computers and tablets and things like that. Howard said he likes watching on TV because it doesn't have any glitches. He said his kids don't have TVs though. They will watch stuff on their computers.
Robin read about how he downloaded that Zombie show ''Walking Dead'' and he watched 2 episodes. He said it was $59. He didn't like it that much. Howard said you can buy one episode so he's going to do that from now on. He said no one told him that. He said he should have done that himself. Robin said people are cutting their cable and satellite off too.
Robin said the Chinese are having their flight attendants learning a form of self defense that's made for close quarters. That will work well on airplanes.
Robin read about a 10 year old who shot his neo-Nazi father to death. Robin said that all of his kids were under the age of 12 and the guy was the regional director of the group he was in.
Robin said CBS is looking to bring back Two and a Half Men and they're retooling the sitcom without Charlie Sheen. Howard asked Robin if she's hoping it's a hit. Robin said she hopes they do fine. Howard asked who is going to replace Charlie Sheen. Robin said they haven't said yet but they're going to give Jon Cryer a bigger role. Howard said Donald Trump would be great in that role.
Robin said that Katy Perry is opening up about her childhood in Vanity Fair this month. She's talking about how she didn't have much of a childhood. She wasn't even allowed to say ''deviled eggs'' or ''dirt devil'' because her parents were so religious. Robin read some of the other comments Katy made in that article. Howard did a live commercial and went to a commercial break after that.
After the break Robin got back to her news and read a story about Osama bin Laden's death and how most people polled are happy he's dead. Robin said a lot of people are worried about a retaliation attack.
Howard took a call from a guy who said something unintelligible. Howard said they can't get one good phone connection today. The caller said Norm MacDonald is copying Howard by having his retarded cousin on his show. Howard asked how that's copying him. The caller thought that it was like when they have Wendy the Retard on the show. Howard said Norm's new show is really good. He said he saw some good bits on there. He said he taped it because he liked it. Howard said it's like his Saturday Night Live News segment but he does it about sports.
Howard took another call from a guy who brought up Sully and asked Robin if she thinks they're heroes or were they just doing their job like she said Sully was doing. Robin said they are heroes. She said when you're risking your life you're a hero. Robin said what she said about Sully was that he was in the plane and he was already in it.
Robin read about President Obama's visit to Ground Zero tomorrow and how they're preparing for that in New York City. She had some audio of Mayor Bloomberg talking about the heightened security they have. Robin said reports of suspicious packages have gone up lately. All of them have been false alarms so far. Robin had some audio of Rudy Giuliani talking about that as well.
Robin had some more about the Osama bin Laden killing and some audio of some people talking about that. Howard did a live commercial a short time later.
Robin said we're learning about how Osama has been living over the past 10 years. Robin said that they're saying that the Pakistani government either knew he was there or they were incompetent. He was right down the road from the military training in Pakistan. Robin said that they're calling for an end to aid to that country until they do something. Howard said he read about how they had a goat delivered there every day. They also had milk delivered there every day. Robin said they say that they bought the best brands and they paid in cash. Robin said the local grocery store owner didn't ask why they stocked up on so many things.
Robin read about how some people are saying the U.S. hasn't delivered enough proof that bin Laden was killed. Robin said house lawmakers are learning more about the operation and they think that all American's will be happy with the way it was carried out. She had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin said there was a $25 million reward on Osama's head so she wondered if that's going to be paid. Howard said no one tipped them off so that's not going to happen. Robin said there is one man saying he helped by getting Osama out of Afghanistan and into Pakistan.
Robin said Sarah Palin has come out and made a comment about this. She said that it was the military and the special forces that did it all. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read about the Dalai Lama condoning the killing of Osama bin Laden. Robin said he was in a speaking engagement when he was asked about it. Robin said he was saying that people should forgive but you can't forget about what's been done. He said that you have to take counter measures sometimes.
Robin said the CIA is saying that they will release a photo of Osama bin Laden dead. They're trying to figure out how to best do that before they release it. Howard said he's going to hang it on his wall.
Robin read a story about the woman who was voted the teacher of the year and had some audio of President Obama talking about the award.
Robin had some audio of Gerald Ford's daughter speaking at the unveiling of a statue of her father.
Robin said the creators of South Park are up for some Tony Awards. She had some audio of Matthew Broderick announcing that they were nominated for an award for their play ''The Book of Mormon.'' Robin had some audio of Matthew announcing some other nominees as well. Howard said he hates to tell Matthew but no one cares.
Robin read about how Shania Twain has come out to talk about her husband, Mutt Lange, cheating on her. She had some audio of her talking about that on some talk show. She was saying that her best friend was the one who was cheating with her husband.
Robin read about the movie Thor and how it's about to hit the theaters. Robin had some audio of Anthony Hopkins talking about the part he has in the movie. Howard said he liked the movie because it explained a lot to him.
Robin said that John Stamos is going to be on Law and Order SVU tonight. Howard said he got a note from Team 6 saying that they listen to the show and they took out Osama for him. A few seconds later he said he made that up. They ended the show around 10:05am.
Jon said they're going to talk about Scott DePace and his arguments with Howard. Gary said he stopped in and told Scott he had a birth certificate for Jesse James during his interview. Scott said that wasn't funny but Gary said he thought it was funny because he got so upset over it.
Gary and Jon talked about Doug Stanhope and Bingo a little bit too. They were talking about how Bingo was the focus of the interview and how they barely spoke to Doug.
Jon said that Jesse James was in today and he had no idea what a big deal the Howard Stern show was to Jesse. Gary said that he had to defend Ralph on what he said about Jesse too. He said he did kind of defend Jesse in the whole thing and said that Sandra should have known what she was getting into with him.
Jon said he's trying to get Fred in there today. He wanted to talk to him about Jesse James since he's a fan. Gary said he seems to get shit from a lot of people and a lot of guys aren't backing him because they're afraid to since their wives would get upset. He said a lot of women are upset with what Jesse did.
Fred came in and said that Jesse grew up with a lot of problems. Gary said he's thinking that Jesse went to rehab for sex addiction and he doesn't want to come right out and say that. Fred said that there are many addictions and you have to get to the root of addiction because they all come from the same well.
Gary said he and Howard used to laugh about sex addition because every guy wants to get laid. Fred said he doesn't have that problem with addiction but he sees other people who do. Gary said he thinks that some people claim they have it that don't and they just use it as a crutch.
Benjy said he thinks that Fred is pretty black and white about moral issues and he thought he'd come down hard on the guy who did it. Fred said if Jesse said he didn't see anything wrong with what he did then he'd think he was an asshole. He said Jesse knew he had problems and admitted what he did and checked himself into a clinic to help himself out. He did wrong, admitted it and moved on.
Gary said Howard has said that if you don't want to be married then get out and move on. You don't stay in a relationship if you're going to cheat.
Benjy asked if it was wrong to put the book out. Fred said he's not sure because he hasn't read the book. He said he'd have to read it before he could comment. Jason said he thinks that the book isn't all that personal from what he read in Will's notes. Gary said that a lot of people think they're going to read about that break up in there. Steve Brandano read the book and he said that he was very nice about Sandra in it. Fred said he wouldn't have a problem with it then. Jason said from what he read in the notes it seemed like a very tame book.
Jon asked what it must have been like for Sandra to go to the shop and hear the news from Jesse. They spent a minute talking about that.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she loves Fred. She said she wanted to point out something about Jesse. He said he manned up but she said that he was ratted out. She said that if he was a real man he would have gone to Sandra before. Gary said she's right but sometimes that's what it takes to slap you in the face. He said some people do drugs for years and don't do anything until they get arrested. Gary said sometimes it takes something like that to happen.
Jon said it sounds like Jesse and Sandra both knew that their relationship was falling apart but they were trying to work things out. Fred said that seems to be a normal thing for Hollywood relationships. Gary said he'd bet any amount of money that her feeling was that she took a chance on him and look what he gave her back. Jon said that Jesse would say that's who she married though.
Fred said there are people who buy a rottweiler and they're surprised when it bites a neighbor. Sandra knew what she was getting. Gary asked if Kat knows that she's getting a rottweiler. Fred said she does and she's of a similar background so she gets that.
Jason said that not every biker is the same so you don't know for sure that you're getting someone who is going to cheat.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Fred he's way off base. Fred said he's not sure why Mariann is so angry at him. Mariann said he wouldn't have come out if someone didn't rat on him. Fred said that's true but he was never saying he was a great guy. He has admitted he was an asshole. Mariann said that he said ''You know'' and ''like'' a lot during that interview. Fred said he's not dumb. She thinks he is brain dead.
Fred asked Mariann what she thinks about Donald Trump. She said she doesn't like him either and she doesn't like anyone who cheats on their spouse. Gary said he finds it odd that a stranger has cheated on a complete stranger and it's somehow ruined Mariann's life. Mariann said it's not about that. Gary said he thinks that it's the fact that it was Sandra Bullock that upsets her. Mariann said that everything about the guy pisses her off. Fred said there are two sides to every story too. He said we don't know everything about Sandra. He said he's not sure if she's been perfect in this either. Mariann said he didn't have to come out with a book. He could have gone off quietly somewhere. Mariann said that he's a star fucker. Fred said that maybe they both used each other. Jason said this is crazy that just because someone cheats on someone you like that they should just disappear.
Gary said they all know people who have cheated and they walk by that window every day. He said you just sort of move on. Jason said he was more mad about the Nazi stuff than he was about this. Jon said he had to take a break before getting to that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said sex addicts will fuck anything that walks by. Jason said he believes that. He said if you're addicted to it you don't wait for your wife to go to a movie set to cheat. Jason said to him a sex addict is someone who has to run out to fuck other women no matter what. He said he doesn't think being with one or two girls while your wife is away is not a sex addict. Jason said he thinks that the bar for a sex addict is set very low on their show.
Gary asked what else he might have gone to rehab for if he didn't go for drugs or drinking. Steve said he went there to get away from everything. Jason said he had to get away from the paparazzi and stuff. Gary said you'd think they'd want to know why he was there. Gary said he didn't know that you could go to rehab for nothing. That's basically what it sounded like Jesse did.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the only people upset with this whole thing are Sandra Bullock fans. He said that most guys don't even care if a guy cheats on his wife. It's the wife's deal to be pissed. Fred and Gary didn't agree. Gary said he thinks that Jesse got a lot of fans by being married to Sandra. Benjy asked if it angers Gary if he hears a guy cheated on his wife. Gary said it makes him question what the person might be lying about if they're lying about that. Benjy said he thinks he's being a jerk to his wife and it would affect his perception of the guy but it wouldn't make him angry. Jon said it all depends on the situation.
Ralph called in and said that he'd prefer to be called ''That Ralph Fucker'' like Jesse called him. He said he's ready to rename GEEKTIME to ''GEEKTIME with Jon Hein and That Ralph Fucker.'' Ralph went on to say that he defended Jesse back when that whole thing was going on. He found it odd that he didn't tap Sandra for money. He said that he's also not embracing the whole celebrity thing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't think that there is such a thing as sex addiction. He said we're here on earth to reproduce. He said there are urges to do that. Fred said it's not normal to do something like what Tiger Woods was doing. Gary asked the caller if he cheats. The guy said he doesn't but he has urges every day. He said you have to block it out of your head. Fred said when it becomes a thing that affects you day to day then it's an addition.
Ronnie came in and said he doesn't think that there is such a thing as a sex addict. He said that there are drug and booze addicts and even a food addict. Ronnie had to run in the middle of that.
Benjy said he thought sex addition was bullshit but there are guys who are having it way more than when you're horny. Jason said he thinks you can be addicted to many things and it's anything that makes you feel good. Jason said he doesn't think that Jesse is a sex addict if he's waiting for his wife to leave town though. They had to take another break after that.
Benjy was asking if it's okay to let a kid dress up in a pirate outfit. Gary said the way they're depicted in movies these days it is okay. Jason said he would leave a party of someone pulled out a Nazi arm band and asked him to dress up like one as a joke. He said he thinks that Prince Harry displayed poor judgment in picking out a Nazi outfit to go to a costume party in. He said there's a lot of smoke there and he doesn't buy his story. He liked that Jesse apologized and felt regret for doing what he did though.
Fred said it was weird to put on the Nazi outfit when he did that bit on Butt Bongo Fiesta. He said Daniel Carver came over and shook his hand when he saw him wearing it. He felt that there was some kind of kinship there and there really wasn't. Gary said Fred looked natural in that outfit too so that was very strange.
Gary said they had to rent that Nazi outfit twice and the second time they had a problem. He said that someone had rented it and went around dressed in it instead of using it for a show. He said he had to bring a letter saying that they would take full responsibility for the costume when they used it. Gary said Fred's outfit was used in The Sound of Music. He said that was a true fact.
Benjy said he can see the fun of wearing a Nazi outfit. He said he can imagine doing it for fun and not doing it to upset someone. Gary asked how he can do that. Benjy said he could do it in an absurd way and going to a gay dance club or something. He said he could go ice skating or something. Fred said he could see Benjy's next bit.
Gary said doing it for your own humor is just wrong. Benjy said they're just ''ugh...'' Gary said going to a gay dance club isn't going to be cool. He said that there will be some wildly offended people. Gary asked what the joke is. Benjy said he was just throwing it out there. He said the ice skating rink would be better. Jason said that's different than what Jesse did. Steve said that they must have some goofy pictures out there of themselves. Gary said there are none of him in a Nazi outfit.
The guys asked Benjy if he's gone to gay dance clubs. Benjy said he has and he won a dance contest too. The guys had to wrap up and end the show a short time later.
Robin figured that at Howard's age he wouldn't spill. Howard said guys are not like women and they can't just stop. He said he's a man and he's not going to keep himself from going all the way.
Howard told Robin how he thought about Jackie the intern a little bit but she's not doing it for him anymore. He doesn't see her enough. Howard said he had her in a bikini on his lap once and that made it last like 2 seconds when he'd think about it. He said he might be able to go to that in a pinch if he had to. Howard said he doesn't know if Fred does any of this. He said he might use tissue to blow his nose.
Howard said he pulled out a fantasy about telling this girl Ann about going on a date with another girl. He said this is a girl he knew in college. Howard said she was broken hearted that night and he remembers her standing there in her bra and her belly was hanging over her underpants a little bit. Howard said this was from like 17 years ago and it was stuck in his memory. Howard told Fred to get him some tissues as he talked about it. Howard said it was like it just happened yesterday when he thought about it.
Howard asked Gary what he has in his memory for masturbation. Gary said he has one but Howard said Robin wouldn't even tough Gary if he told that story. Gary said he's thought about Kimberly Taylor a few times too. Howard said he has too. He said he remembers Kim and her friend in mini dresses at a party they had once. He said he has to have something that's real in his memory to work with though. He said he can't make stuff up.
Jackie said there is a time when you start to write stuff in your mind about what could happen. Gary noticed that Fred was just writing away and not joining in on the story. Howard asked Fred who he thinks about. He said they'll never hear stories from Fred. Fred didn't even answer. Howard said he's afraid it's him in a dress. Robin said Howard is sure fire. Howard asked Fred if he thinks about the black chick in Washington who spent the night in the car with him. Fred said he didn't have her. Howard said he will find out something about that night before they die. Howard said he wants to know what happened. Howard thought about that and said he's not sure he wants to know.
Howard said this whole discussion they're having actually happened in his office just 20 minutes ago. He said they talked about this after Jackie brought it up. Howard said he did his thing last night and then went to the kitchen to have something to eat. Howard said he's usually out after something like that. Robin asked how he gets rid of the tissue. Howard said you run into the bathroom and throw it away. He said it's like jogging. He said Gary just sticks it to the wall. Gary said his curtains are petrified.
Howard asked Jackie if his wife knows he does it. Jackie said she doesn't really know but she must know he's up to something. Jackie said sometimes you do it in front of each other. Howard cut him off and told him he's getting too graphic. He said Jackie doesn't know that line. Jackie didn't seem to get what the big deal was. Howard said he just doesn't know that line. He leaps right off the cliff.
Howard said he went to get something to eat and went to bed. He said he was talking to his wife about her day before he went to sleep. He said that was his night. He said he needs 8 hours of sleep and he didn't get it. Howard said they had to take a break after that.
Howard said he does it pretty much every day of the week. He said he's with his wife on Friday and Saturday nights and he doesn't have the energy to do it then. Howard said it's like the Grucci family in his pants usually. Howard said he thinks about what it would be like if he could have a different woman every night. He said he'd use up someone like Kimberly Taylor every night if he had her. He said he'd do her during the day if he couldn't do it at night. Howard said he would cut back on the masturbation.
Howard said he never really did it when he was in college. He said they didn't have a lock on their bathroom door and he wouldn't do it in front of his friends. Howard said he'd be so embarrassed if that story got around the campus. Howard said he really had to take a break after that.
Sam Kinison Calls In. 5/5/97. 7:35am
The voice of the late Sam Kinison was on the phone this morning. This is a comedian who does an excellent impression of the late comedian. Howard talked to 'Sam' for a few minutes about some current news stories like the Jon Benet Ramsey murder case, Ellen Degeneres being a lesbian and Eddie Murphy picking up a transvestite. It didn't last long because the guy doing the Sam impression wasn't sticking to the script.
Howard talked to Sam about Jon Benet Ramsey and Sam said she's down there in hell with him. Sam also talked about how they all knew that Ellen Degeneres was gay down there. Sam talked about Jackie Robinson being down there. Sam said he's the janitor down there in hell. Howard told Sam to take it easy down there. He was getting a little excited and doing a lot of inside jokes.
Howard had Sam talk about Robin. Sam said the one regret he had was that he didn't get to ride between those brown melons. Sam said he met the cult members who cut off their nuts down there too. Howard went over what they learned with Sam and let him go a short time later when he lost his connection with hell.
Howard said Sam was a great man. He could ad-lib with the best of them. Howard said he wished that he had stuck with the script.
Ava came in and told Howard about how the record came about. Howard said he was aroused looking at her. He said he had to sit down. Howard had Ava take off her top and she said she'd take her skirt off too. Howard said he'd promote where she's going to be after she performs. He asked her what she does for a living. She said she's an actress. She said she's been in some action movies or ''bad movies'' as Robin would call them. Ava said she was in a movie with Pat Morita. Howard found out her husband is a rich guy too. She said her husband used to work with Robert Shapiro.
Howard asked Ava how many times she's been married. She said it's been twice. She said she's into brains, not looks. She said she likes brainy rich guys. Gary said the husband is there and he's wearing some Elvis-like TCB glasses. Howard told him to bring the guy in and then kick him out when they do the singing thing.
Gary brought in Ava's husband Peter. Howard said he looks like a hipster. Howard said he's not even good looking. Ava said he was hot. Howard asked him who told him to wear glasses like that. They were bigger than Yoko's. Jackie asked if he takes them off after drilling. They looked like safety glasses to him.
Howard talked to Peter about what he does for a living and asked if he thinks she cheats. Peter said he didn't think so. Robin told Howard to check out his watch. Peter said that was courtesy of the Pasadena Police Department. Howard asked if they really think that this album is going to make money. Ava and Peter do think it will do fine. Howard asked who put up the money for it. Ava said Peter had nothing to do with it.
Howard told Peter to get out of there. He said he wanted to get to this moaning thing. Ava told Howard about how she had done some erotic tapes called Ava's Hot Lips a few years ago and she had some experience moaning and groaning. She said she and Mel Klein had this idea to do this album. She said she wrote a book called Hot Spots a few years ago and got that published. She said she was just doing fun projects. She said they came up with this idea to have people having sex to music and they figured they could make money with it. Howard asked if she ever had sex with Mel Klein. Ava said she never did.
Howard said he was going to stand behind Ava and poke her with his spear. She said she thought he was going to use his finger. Howard said that's what he would do. Howard said he had to take a break before she got to her song.
Howard spent a minute talking to Ava about her husband and how much older he is. She said she's younger than 55. Howard asked if she has to get sexed up before doing something like this. She said she didn't need that. Howard went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard came back and explained who Ava was and how she ended up on the show. He asked her some more questions about the album and how they got that produced. She said that they had this amazing musician do the music for the album. Howard asked if she scripted the moans or did she just do them when she felt like it. She said she did it when she felt like it but she did have some complicated lyrics she had to read. She said she was close to being nude when she did it. Robin asked if her husband helped. She said he did in a way. She said he wasn't there in the studio.
Robin asked what that accent was. Howard guessed it was British. She said it is a little bit British. Howard said Ava looked gorgeous. He said he would poke her with his fingers. Ava told him to be gentle. Howard said he wasn't sure he'd be able to play the whole song. Ava said it was only 3 minutes. She said she was ready to go. Howard played a song which was a farting song. Ava told him it was the wrong song. Howard had Fred turn that off.
Howard played Ava's song ''Cool Whip'' and had Ava do her thing. Ava moaned and she'd say ''Cool whip'' a couple of times. She moaned and groaned for a few minutes while Howard asked if he could squeeze her butt. She said she couldn't take it. Howard said her ass was like Jell-O. Howard said he was rubbing her back. He asked if anyone was getting tired of that song. Robin said it was enough already. Ava said that the music changes. Howard said he heard the music and it's not that different. He said they must be on drugs.
Howard said he was rubbing her ass like a magic 8 ball. He said he didn't get that aroused though. He said she kept ignoring him. Howard said she's like so many good looking girls who don't pay attention to you. He said he thinks that she just moans a lot. She said she was wiggling too.
Howard played some more tracks from her album and said they sounded similar to him. Ava said this one song was more sensual than the other one which was more aggressive. Howard played another track that Ava said was more Hungarian sounding. Howard said it wasn't that different to him. Ava said she though it was different. Howard said she has to mellow out.
Howard said Ava brought in some vibrators and stuff. He said she brought in a fake vagina for him. He said it was moulded from the dead porn star Savanna. Howard said he'll take it home with him. He thanked Ava for coming in and started to wrap up. Ava said she wanted to feel everyone's butts. Howard forgot they were going to blindfold her and let her do that.
Ava brought in a pocket rocket vibrator and said that was her favorite. She said it's so good. Howard told her to put that away. He had her put a blindfold on and feel their butts trying to identify them. Robin and Fred said she would guess none. Jackie said all 3 and Howard said she'd get just one.
Howard had Ava feel the first butt. She felt the first one and felt underpants. She said it was nice and firm. Ava guessed it was Fred. Robin said Fred talked, that's why she got that one. Howard waned her to feel all three and guess who they were. Howard had all three go in this time. Ava felt each one and said the second one was kind of squishy. The third one was the firm one. She said it was firm, muscular and tight. Robin asked who each one was. She said Jackie was number 1 and she was right. She guessed number 2 was Howard. She was right. Ava said it felt like a woman's butt, a hairy woman's butt.
Howard thanked Ava for coming in. He still had his pants down. Howard said she predicts her album is going to be a big hit. They spent a minute talking about that and then went to break.
Sal Screws Up Again. 05/05/09. 6:20am
Howard said he and Beth had their first fight over the weekend about her book. Howard said he got a note from Beth apologizing to him and he had to apologize to her as well. He said that she was frustrated with the book and this stuff was eating away at him. He ended up telling her about how he was feeling that they had their first fight like that.
Howard said he and Beth were writing notes back and forth all day and they were okay. Howard said that she asked if he wanted a divorce in a joking way. He said that they were all good by the time he got home. Howard said they kissed hello and he sent a note to JJ about the movie and all of that.
Howard said that he and Beth went to dinner and they were doing just fine. Howard said Beth had her phone with her and she was waiting for some text message. Then she got a text from Sal. Howard said Sal sent Beth an e-mail late in the day after they had forgotten about the whole fight. Howard said it was all over by that time. Beth didn't hear anything on the radio at all.
Howard said the note that Sal sent told Beth that they had discussed that whole thing on the air. Sal said he was sorry to hear about the ''save option'' story. Sal told Beth how that had happened to him one time and he gave her some advice on how to remind yourself how to save. Howard said that his head was steaming hot because Sal had sent her this note. Howard said Beth didn't even know that he had discussed it on the air until she got this note.
Howard said he and Beth both got angry. Howard said that Sal didn't even hear what he said on the air properly. Howard said the save function didn't work and it wasn't even Beth's fault. Howard said that Sal is such an idiot that he was saying that it was Beth who did it but it was actually his fault and he was telling Beth that it was his fault by doing that.
Sal said he was just trying to be nice. Howard told him to stay out of his life. He told Sal not to email his wife and to email him instead. Howard said that he'll just delete the email when he sends it to him.
Howard said Beth pointed out that Sal is trying to help her out after he was the one making jokes about her in comedy clubs. Howard said Sal is retarded. He told Sal that the save didn't work because this document was embedded in a Lotus Notes thing.
Howard was yelling at Sal and told him that they hit Save 50 times and it didn't save. He said that Sal has to stay out of his life and leave them alone. Robin told Sal it's none of his business to write about this stuff. Sal said he's the only one that cares then. Howard said he got notes from other people but they all sent their notes to him, not to Beth.
Howard said that he doesn't write to Sal's wife. He said it's none of his business. Howard told Sal that he didn't even listen to what he said on the air yesterday. Sal said he was working and didn't understand it. Howard told him to just stay out of his life.
Robin was going off on Sal as well so he shot back at her about how he was just trying to save their marriage and Robin wasn't doing anything to help. Robin told Sal to look at who is giving someone marriage advice. Sal said he's seeing the early signs of a marriage in trouble.
Howard told Sal to write a post-it note on his computer that says ''save his marriage'' like he was telling Beth to do with the note to save. Howard said that he tried to save the document and it didn't work, that's what they ended up fighting about.
Robin asked what human being doesn't know that this is real life and you don't send a note like that. Robin said that's a Sal thing right there. Howard said he's trying to get tight with Beth so he can eventually hang out with her and then both of them. Howard said that Sal is off the show if he does something like that again.
Howard read Sal's note again and pointed out his ''helpful tip'' for putting a post-it note on his computer so she remembers to save. Howard went off on him and goofed on him a little more.
Howard had Gange come in to talk about that. Howard asked Gange what the invitations cost. Gange didn't know. He said he knows the party is costing about 5 grand. He didn't see the whole bill though. He said his parents are in charge of that. Howard said he has the invitations of a Harvard grad. Howard said his dad has to be spending a ton on this party. They hired Scott to spin records at the party so it's not that much.
Howard said Gange's parents think he's going to be a DJ. Howard asked what radio stations he's contact. Gange said none. He figured Howard would help him. Howard said they're not going to hire Gange. Gange said Mark Chernoff wants to help him too. Howard didn't think he was going to get a job.
Howard goofed on Gange saying that he'd end up in Alaska working for WICE or something like that. Howard and Fred did impressions of him doing a show up there talking to two people on the radio. They had him working on Radio Borneo and things like that too. Howard said Gange could play 150 songs in a row so no one had to hear him talk.
Howard had Mike talk about his final test that was about rock and roll. Mike told Howard some of the questions and they were pretty simple things. Howard said you'd think they'd go into more music appreciation instead of rock trivia. Howard said they should talk about the difference between rock and jazz or something like that.
Mike was telling Howard all of this stuff and Howard pointed out how bad his radio voice is. Howard said this is the last thing he should be getting into.
Gary came in and told Howard that he hired Scott's company to do his wedding. He said Scott won't be there but one of his guys will. Howard said he had nothing to do with his own wedding. He said he wanted nothing to do with it. Gary said he hopes his will be good since he's involved.
The Mexican Delivery Game With Porn Star Roxy Jezel. 05/05/08. 7:40am
Howard had this porn star Roxy Jezel come in to play the Mexican Delivery Game. Howard told her that they were just listening to her porno movies earlier. He said he heard that she stopped doing anal scenes. She said that she did that because she doesn't want to lose control of her bowels when she gets older.
Howard played some clips of Jezel's porn that he had just played a short time ago. They talked about the noises she was making in those clips and how she does that when Roxy's getting deep throated. Roxy explained how she didn't know about deep throating the first time she did it so someone had to explain it to her. She actually punched a guy when she had that done to her the first time.
Howard told Roxy how they were going to play this game. They were going to have Mexican delivery guys come in and they were going to offer them a big tip or the chance to see Roxy naked. They'd play with the guys and see what they'd be willing to go for, the money or Roxy's boobs.
The first guy came in so Howard asked him a few questions through a translator. Howard then told the guy they were going to make him an offer. Howard offered him a tip of $100 or he can see her completely naked. The translator told the guy what he could get and the guy picked the money. Howard told the guy to wait a second and then offered him the chance to let her sit on his lap naked. The guy stuck with the money.
Howard told Roxy to show off her body to the guy to try and get him to change his mind. She thought that he should get the money instead but Howard wanted her to take her top off for the guy. She took her top off and then Howard asked the guy again if he wanted to touch them. He said that he would so Howard offered to let him touch them or take the tip. The guy stuck with the money. Howard asked Roxy to take her pants off but she didn't want to do that. Howard said that she's not going to do well with this game.
Howard gave the delivery guy his $100. The translator said that the guy wanted to see her naked but he also wanted the money. Howard gave the guy his money and let him go.
Howard said that this was like playing a drinking game with a nun. Robin said that Roxy was mouthing that she never agreed to do this. Howard said that he had to talk this over with Roxy then. He said that the last girl who was there, Gina Lynn, was able to get guys to pass on the tip to see her naked. Howard said he was going to offer the next guy $20 instead of 100. He said that he'd offer to let the guy touch her boobs but he'd have to pass on the money.
Howard said that Gina Lynn was able to get guys to turn down $100 just to be near her and this isn't coming off good today. Roxy said it just showed the guy wanted the tip. Howard said that if she was good she'd be able to get the guys to turn down the money. He said that she just has to be super seductive.
Howard spent some more time talking to Roxy and playing some more of her porn movie clips. He had one clip of her getting anal from a guy. Howard asked her if that was painful. She didn't remember that scene but she did remember the movie. She said she hated doing all of that stuff for the anal scenes and she's glad that she doesn't have to do it anymore.
Howard had the next delivery guy come in. That guy was able to speak English pretty well. Howard introduced him to Roxy and asked him what his best tip ever was. The guy said that it was probably be $80. Howard asked him what he was delivering today. It was just a sandwich. Howard asked him how big the tip would be. He said that it might be $2. Howard said he was going to give him $20 or he could offer him something else. He said that this beautiful woman was willing to get naked for him if he was willing to turn down the tip. He told him that she would rub her boobs in his face too. The guy picked Roxy. Then Howard upped the tip to $50 and asked him what he would take. The guy said that he was going to stick with the girl. He said he would stick with her even if the tip was $100. The guy said that his name was Luis Lopez but people call him Juan Carlo. Howard called him Johnny just to make it simple.
Howard told Johnny it was time to collect his prize so he told Roxy to pull down her top for him. She did that and said that she's a 32-C. Howard had her rub her boobs in his face and said that he would have picked the same thing if he were Johnny.
Johnny said that it was good and he liked what she was doing. Then Howard had Roxy pull down her pants so Johnny could spank her. He gave her a few whacks and Artie told him that he was going to be arrested for rape next. Howard said that Johnny didn't seem to be happy. Johnny said that he was just a little nervous with all of the people around him. He said that he did enjoy it though.
Howard told Johnny that he got to spank that ass and dreams do come true. He said that he was going to give him $100 as a tip for playing the game. Johnny thanked him for that. Howard thanked him for coming in and Johnny told Roxy how beautiful she was. Howard had Roxy let him touch her boob before he left. She let him do that and Howard wrapped up with him after that. Johnny said that he'd rather stay there than go back to work.
Howard told Roxy that she redeemed herself after that. He got in a plug for this Bowling Beauties show that's going to be on Howard TV starting May 12th. He said that you can find out more at CraveOnline.com/HowardTV.
Howard went through some more of Roxy's bio and talked about a bunch of crazy stuff she'd done. She said that she once stabbed a crackhead who was robbing her parents in their flower shop. She said that it's not seen as self defense when it's an actual weapon so the guy blackmailed her parents and they had to shut their shop down because of that. She said that's when she started to do the anal and got into the business. She said that she was able to buy them a house after that.
Howard said it sounds like she could make a movie out of her life and maybe Disney would like to make that movie. She said that she is working on a book about her life. The guys spent a few minutes talking about that stuff and about her drug use. She said that she was using crystal meth for a while but she's gotten off of that.
Howard thanked everyone for the game and then wrapped up with Roxy. She said that she has a contest going on where she wants people to get tattoos of her on them. She said that they want people to write in and tell them why they think they should get a tattoo of her on them. Howard said he didn't get the concept of the contest. He thanked her again and then went to break.
Howard talked to Jackie about that for a minute and played more of his comedy. Jackie was up on stage selling more of his stuff. He was selling t-shirts and stuff and yelling out ''Where are you Guinea's?'' Howard goofed on Jackie about that. Jackie had to explain that it's what they call those t-shirts. He was holding it up and asking where they were.
Gary was going to say something but he cut himself off. Howard told him not to do that. Gary said he was going to say that they call some bottle rockets ''nig**r chasers'' but you don't get up on stage and say it. He said he was going to say that about Jackie and the t-shirt thing. Jackie corrected Gary on the chaser thing. He said a bottle rocket is not what he's talking about. The chaser thing is something that spins around on the ground. Howard didn't get why they call them that. Gary didn't know either.
Stuttering John came in with the update for them about the chaser. John said that's the name that they call them. They're not called something else. Gange was saying that if you want to make your own you just break open a bottle rocket so it twirls around on the ground. John said they make their own kind and they actually say ''Nig**r chaser'' on the side. Robin didn't believe that. Gange explained how they would cut open the bottle rocket to make them.
Howard played more of Jackie's comedy routine where he was selling his t-shirts and sweatshirt's on stage. Howard said he's pushing those shirts but in an entertaining way. Howard asked if the people even know who Nancy is since he mentioned her. Jackie said of course they do. Howard wasn't sure how they'd know. They wrapped up a short time later.
Marty The Midget Wrestles Playmate Tiffany Taylor. 5/5/99. 8:10am
Playboy Playmate Tiffany Taylor offered to wrestle on the show so Howard hooked up Marty ''The Midget'' Klebba to compete. Howard spent a little while talking to Marty before the match. He lost his girlfriend to a guy in a wheelchair and he's got a kid with her. Marty is appearing in ''The Wizard of Oz'' musical at Madison Square Garden from May 6 to May 16. He plays a few parts in the play including the commander of the flying monkeys. Marty is only about 4'1'' tall and weighs in at around 80 pounds. Howard and the gang placed bets yesterday on who would win. Howard chose Marty to win while Gary, Jackie and Stuttering John all picked Tiffany to win. Eventually Howard brought in Tiffany and the wrestling coach. Coach Williams used to be KC's coach in High School. The plan was to have 3 one minute rounds. Tiffany was dressed in a shirt and pants and it upset Howard. She's a Playmate and she's fully covered. She claimed that it was in her contract that she's not allowed to show her breasts or something like that. So Howard convinced her to tie off her shirt so it was a little sexy. Marty said he was looking forward to this wrestling match. They started the match and there was a lot of yelling and cheering going on. Howard said Marty looked like a monkey on Tiffany's back. By the end of the round Marty had 2 points and Tiffany had 1 point. There was some controversy about the last move in the round but they moved on. There were no points scored in the second round. The third round brought Marty 3 more points and Tiffany got nothing. Marty won the match 5-1. Howard said he was going to give his winnings to Marty. He collected $50 from Jackie, $75 from Stuttering John and $50 from Gary. Howard spent a little more time talking to Marty, Tiffany and Coach Williams. He found out poor Marty hasn't gotten laid since December 7! Tiffany accidentally grabbed his nuts during the match also. The wrestling frenzy was in the air so it led to a match between Gary and Benjy. They took a commercial break and Marty turned green during the break. He may have been dehydrated after the match. Howard wanted to call off the match between Gary and Benjy because he thought Benjy would have a heart attack. He changed his mind though. The two of them went at it for one two minute round. There was a lot of flipping and tossing going on between the two of them. Gary came out the winner with 5 points to Benjy's 2. Afterward Benjy said he'd need about an hour to catch his wind. He couldn't even stand up after the match.
Phone Calls And Audio Clips Played. 05/05/10. 8:45am
Howard said the phrase ''get the poison out'' has become very big lately. He said after Dave Lampert said it people have been using it all over TV. He played another clip where they talked about that during a game. The guy even credited the show for the phrase. Howard said another guy worked it into a Tampa Bay Rays game. He played that clip as well. Howard said there was also a podcast where this guy was doing a politics thing and that guy said ''get the poison out of your system'' too.
Howard said they have to get Dave back in there once more before they end their time there. Howard said they could never use him on terrestrial radio. He said that's the great thing about doing the show there. They can do the Sybian thing there and they could never do that back at K-Rock.
Belzer told Howard about meeting Kreskin at a party the night before. He said he broke his arm shaking his hand so hard. Howard said he refuses to shake his hand anymore. Belzer said he spoke to Kreskin for a few minutes and then Kreskin spoke to his brother thinking he was him for like 20 minutes. He said the guy is a mentalist so you'd think he'd know. Belzer said he asked Kreskin to guess how much money he had on him and he didn't do it. Howard said that's because it's all set up.
Howard said Kreskin doesn't have great breath either. He said he's gotten pretty close to him so he knows.
Howard asked Belzer what he's there for. Belzer said he was promoting a movie he was doing with Tori Spelling for NBC. Howard said she's one of his favorite gals on TV. He said her boobs have blown up.
Howard said he had to take a break before getting to Robin's news. He and Belzer spent a minute talking about Joey Lawrence and that led to Howard and Robin talking about how he was becoming really nice. Belzer ended up cursing using the F-word thinking that they were off the air. Howard had to go to break after that.
Gary also asked Huey if he has ever felt threatened by Leslie West. Huey said he hasn't. Gary asked if he worships the devil. Huey said of course he doesn't. Gary asked who he thinks should be the host of the PTL club now. Huey said ''Howard Chiusano.'' Gary asked who he thinks is the best looking oriental woman in the United States. Howard paused the tape and talked about who he would put on that list. Then he played the tape and Huey didn't have an answer.
Gary asked Huey if he knows who Susan Berkley is. He had no idea. Gary asked Huey if he thinks Paul Simon has ripped off the Black Man with his new album. Huey said he doesn't think so and said a joke about how he should win an award as a small Jewish man who did the best black album or something like that. Huey told Gary he liked that album and he's surprised he didn't have a smash hit with one of his songs.
Howard said Huey must have thought Gary was a real case. Gary said he kept giving him a look like he didn't have a clue. Gary said he was very nice considering what they did. Howard said he'll play ''Jacob's Ladder'' for him today for doing that interview.
Howard asked Gary what Huey was wearing and went over that for a minute. Howard told Gary he did a good job with that.
Howard asked Christie how about what it was like being there with Mia and Woody Allen. Christie said Woody isn't all that big and she could probably throw him over her head. Howard said he always hires foreigners when he hires help. He said it's not really fair to be hired and work for someone like that and then go out and write a book. He asked if she had to sign anything. She said she didn't. Christie said there was a suit against another writer and there were no forms signed so it wasn't a problem.
Howard said it's kind of weird to write about it. Christie said Mia was actually for her writing the book at first. She said she was very close to her and she figured she would be sympathetic to her.
Howard asked Christie if she wanted to be a nanny again. She said she probably couldn't be without having plastic surgery.
Howard asked Christie what she was making doing that. She said it was about 10 bucks an hour and she was basically babysitting and taking care of the house. Christie told Howard about Sun Yi and what she was like to be around. Howard said he's surprised that people don't condemn woody for doing what he did with her. Howard said people in Hollywood seem to be afraid of him.
Christie told Howard she did witness that Sun Yi would lock herself in the bathroom when Woody would come over. She said that Mia had told her to be watchful of Woody when he came over.
Howard read some quotes from the book and Christie talked about some of the conversations she overheard with Woody and Mia about Sun Yi. Howard read some other private details that she got from Mia.
Howard had Steve the Engineer come in as Woody Allen to talk to Christie. Howard asked him a few questions and had him answering questions inappropriately. Howard would ask him written questions and Woody had his answers written down for him. He had a lot of Asian jokes and things like that. He had Christie cracking up with his lines. Howard spent a few minutes with Woody and then let him go.
Howard said Christie does an impression of Woody too. She said she does. Christie told Howard a story about going to see Woody one day and then did an impression of what he said to her that night.
Howard asked if Mia or Woody's attorney's are upset about the book. She said she has heard from them but she can't talk about it. Howard said she does make some allegations in there so he can see why they would contact her.
Christie told Howard about what she knew about Woody and Mia's divorce and things like that. Howard said he doesn't understand the whole lawyer thing. He said he's not sure why it costs so much to get a divorce. Howard said he was fascinated by the book so he'll finish reading it. Howard wrapped up with Christie a short time later.
Gary came in and said that Edward James Olmos was on the phone to talk about this. Howard asked if he was mad at them. Gary wasn't sure. Howard tried to pick up but he was gone by the time he got to the phone. Gary said he was on a car phone so he may have lost the connection.
Howard eventually got Edward James Olmos on the phone. Olmos said he had a broom with Howard's name on it out there. He lost the connection again. Howard wondered why they would put phone cells out in that area anyway. Howard said he doesn't know what a cell is anyway.
Howard told Edward to pull over out there and call in. Gary had him back on the line a minute later. Howard picked up and asked if he's calling in from one of those burnt out areas. Edward said he was on the freeway. Howard said he should pull over. He said they must not have enough cells out there. Howard said he must make a fortune if he can afford to make a call like that. Edward said it's actually his friend's phone.
Howard said Edward should give up and not go and help clean up out there. Edward said he was going to get his buckets and broom and head home. It sounded like he couldn't hear what Howard was saying. Howard said they call him ''Olmos'' because he ''Olmos got through to them.''
Howard said there is no reason why they can't take the video tape and blow up the picture so they can catch the people that beat Reginald Denny. Howard said they have evidence so they should be able to catch them.
Robin said the transsexual in question is very upset that it's not a low key thing. Robin said that the person is now saying that he's going to tell his side of the story and it's a little different than Eddie's side.
Robin read that Eddie likes to look at feet too. Howard said that's weird. The sex thing makes more sense but not looking at feet. Robin said Eddie says if he wanted to have sex he would have just turned down some dark alley. Jackie said maybe he's just looking at his feet in the car and not doing anything else.
Jackie said it's one thing to look at women's feet but this was a guy. He said he probably had hairy toes. Robin said there is no living this down. Howard said it's over for him now. Fred threw in the ''It's over Johnny... it's over!'' clip while they talked about that.
Howard said he'll probably end up going on Oprah's show to talk about this. Howard said there are endless opportunities to goof on this. Robin said she loves how people attack Betty Thomas and Ivan Reitman for working with Howard while this is going on with Eddie. Robin said no one said a word to Ivan about Anne Hache and no one said a word to Betty about working with Eddie Murphy. Howard said now they have Dr. Doguys instead of Dr. Doolittle.
Howard said Betty is working with Eddie now on that movie. Howard said he and Betty talk once in a while but he didn't bother calling her this weekend.
Robin said that Eddie claims he stopped at a stop light. The cops say he was pulled over. That's one discrepancy in the story. Howard and Jackie were making jokes and laughing during the whole discussion. Howard said maybe he thought it was a woman. That's one thing they can say about it. Howard said he hopes that Eddie will call in and straighten this all out tomorrow.
Jackie was making gay jokes so Robin said he's not gay. Jackie said he might not be gay but he might be a little confused. Howard said it doesn't mean he's gay just because he picked up a dude. Jackie asked Howard if he's ever gone out to get a paper in the middle of the night and came home with a dude dressed up like a woman. Howard laughed and said he's never done that.
Robin said the newspaper man who Eddie gets his paper from was saying that Eddie comes down there pretty often. It's in an area where transvestites hang out a lot from what she was reading. That led to more jokes from Jackie, Howard and Fred. The newsstand guy was saying that people only come down there for one reason so that might be why Eddie was there. Howard told Eddie to call in now so he can straighten that all out.
A woman called in during the news and said she hates Gilbert and feels like she's being tortured this morning just hearing his laugh. She said she's felt this way about him for a long time, ever since she saw him for the first time. Howard took another call from a guy who felt the same way about Gilbert. He hates Gilbert and doesn't think that anyone would buy a DVD if he put one out. Another woman called in and said the same thing. She told Gilbert he sucks and he ruins the news when he's on. She was yelling at him to shut up already. Gilbert just laughed through all of the negative phone calls.
After taking a break Howard took a call from a woman who actually does like Gilbert. She said she finds him to be hilarious. Her phone connection sucked though so they missed out on some of the stuff she was saying. Another guy called in and said that he hates Gilbert and his phone was cutting out as well. That guy said that Joe Piscopo is funnier than Gilbert. Gilbert kept doing his impressions during the news so Artie figured that the one chick who called in earlier must be going completely crazy after hearing all of that stuff. At one point Howard told Robin that they were at ''98 percent.'' Robin asked what the 98 percent meant and he said that it was ''the amount of radios turned off'' thanks to Gilbert.
Howard asked if that's the noise Robin made. Robin said she didn't do that. Jackie said she did that noise and then laughed. Howard said that Paul Lynde used to make that noise on Hollywood Squares.
Robin mentioned that Kathie Lee's unborn child is going to be named Cassidy. That led to Howard goofing on her some more about that. Robin said that she claims she's learned her lesson and she's not going to have the kid out in public like they did with Cody.
Robin mentioned the album Kathie Lee put out so Howard wanted to play some of her songs. Howard said he had a copy of one of her songs called ''When I Fall In Love.'' Howard said she'll fall in love 10 minutes after Frank drops dead.
Howard said Kathie Lee is a real nitwit. He said he's sure she had nothing to do with the production of her album. He said she just sang on the songs. Robin read more details in the article and Howard goofed on Kathie Lee some more about her Carnival cruises and things like that. Howard said that's like going to prison taking a cruise like that. Howard spent a few minutes talking about the cruise thing.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:05am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:15am.