|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard and the guys were back from their 1 week vacation. Howard started the show talking about how he was up since 3:30 raring to go. He said they were going to be playing a new game show called ''Guess What Shithole Third World Country Robin Went To on Her Vacation...'' Howard said that he'd get into the details later but told Robin to say where she was. Robin said she was in Peru.
Howard said they had a new phony phone call to play. He said that proves that Sal and Richard do work when he's away. Howard played the call where they used George Takei audio clips to call a guy with a strange voice. They used a bunch of clips of George talking about many different things. They had him coming on to this guy and the guy told him to get the hell out of there and called him a god damn queer.
Robin said she had to hear this. Howard said Bubba got it out of him somehow. Howard played some of the audio and Howard went off on Robin too because she'd talk about Mr. X on other shows but not on this show.
Bubba was talking to Ronnie about his girl who is actually 27 and Ronnie told Bubba stories about her. He said that her parents are actually younger than him. Howard said Ronnie says the dumbest things. He's talking about how they're younger and trying to fit in with Bubba using his lingo. Howard said Ronnie has no lingo of his own. He said he used to use that ''throw him under the bus'' a lot and he gets into that stuff. He said that it's not the best part of the deal having her parents being younger than him. Howard played more of the audio of Ronnie talking to Bubba and the guys.
Howard said Ronnie has like 60,000 Twitter followers and he's on Bubba's show with his girlfriend. He said that it's all from this show. Howard said Ronnie has made a whole life out of it. He said he used to go crazy being stuck in the car all the time. He said now he's out there and people do want to see him. He said he'd like to talk to him about fucking this girl in her 20s but he won't talk about it there. Howard said he was busy talking to Bubba about it on his show instead.
Howard said they got really graphic in this clip. He said he almost threw up his breakfast listening to this. He played more of the clip and Ronnie's girlfriend was there talking to Bubba. Howard said that stuff on Ronnie's face would scare off most women. He said this girl is really cute too. He said that she's very sweet. Howard played more of the audio and they were goofing on Ronnie's moustache that makes him look like he's out of the Civil War.
Bubba talked to Ronnie's girl about oral sex and things like that. She said that he's the best out of the guys she's been with. She told Bubba that he's a good size and that she had dated a black guy a few years ago. Howard said they were getting a lot of details there. They were shocked when they heard that she had been with a black guy. Howard wondered if it was really that crazy to fuck a black guy. Howard said a lot of chicks fuck black guys. Howard asked Robin if she had heard that slogan ''Once you go black you go 60 year old white guy...''
Howard said he remembers Ronnie bringing his girlfriend to a party and the wives all freaking out. Robin said she remembers him bringing her to Jon Hein's daughter's bat mitzvah. She said that might be where the wives freaked out. Howard said Gary's wife freaked out. Gary said they were on their way there and he told her about it and she just turned to him and said ''Please.'' She thought it was too much of an age difference but she did end up liking the girl.
Howard said he still doesn't understand why Ronnie was on the show talking about her but he won't talk about her on this show. Howard said he saw that Ronnie got all burnt up down there in Florida. He said he's got a sun burned chin so he must have worn a hat. He said he saw that chin and asked how Florida was. He said he didn't know he was on Bubba talking about his sex life.
Howard played more of the Bubba show audio. Bubba asked Stephanie some questions about how she likes to have sex with Ronnie and things. Robin said she can't believe that this conversation didn't happen there. Ronnie wasn't coming into the studio either.
Stephanie told Bubba that she swallows. Ronnie came in and said that it was 4 years ago that he didn't want to talk about this. Howard said he didn't know what kind of stuff he was going through. Ronnie said you don't know what it's like to be in Bubba's lair down there. He said all kinds of shit comes out.
Ronnie went off on Howard about his beard too. He said he doesn't care what people say. He said he gets compliments on it so he doesn't care if he doesn't like it.
Howard was also goofing on his chin being red and Ronnie said he didn't wear a hat. Howard goofed on Ronnie some more about his Civil War look. Ronnie got very defensive as always.
Howard said that maybe he could have told them that the ban was off of the girlfriend. Ronnie said he didn't know Bubba was going to start with that crap. He said he had a great time down there and Bubba is awesome. Ronnie said Robin did the same thing down there. She went on his show once and told him stuff that she didn't tell Howard.
Howard told Ronnie he could leave. He said he was going to play more but Ronnie asked him not to. Howard said Ronnie came screaming out of the closet and he had no idea he was so wild. Ronnie said he's only 61 too. He said they said he was 69 and he's only 61. Howard asked what that had to do with anything. Ronnie said it's constantly an age thing with him. He said Howard is old too. Howard said Ronnie is the fucking nut and the asshole. He said everyone is talking about his age. Ronnie said he doesn't care because he's having a good time. Howard said he's not saying this is a terrible thing.
Howard said that Ronnie is 61 and his girl is 27. Ronnie was comparing his age difference to Howard and Beth's. Howard said it's an amazing thing that he has this lifestyle. He said people are freaked out by it. Ronnie said he's sorry if they are. Howard asked why he would apologize. Ronnie said people are giving him a hard time. Howard said it's probably people in his life who are giving him a hard time. Ronnie said Howard is always talking about his age. He said he's sick of it.
Howard said this girl might be too old for Ronnie now. He's been with her for 4 years now. Howard said he asks himself what's wrong with this girl in the back of his head. Howard asked if Ronnie is in love with her. Ronnie said he likes her a lot. They've been going out almost 4 years and he just likes her? Ronnie said he doesn't like using the L-word anymore. Howard said he's like Hef. Gary said ''Like'' is an L-word. Ronnie told him to stop it. Ronnie said he doesn't have to say it, she just knows it.
Howard asked Ronnie if he is in love with her. Ronnie said he has told her he is a few times but he doesn't like using the word. Ronnie said he must be like Robin because she must not use the word. Robin said she uses it all the time. She has told Howard she loves him. Ronnie said that's just a friendship thing. Robin said she loves Howard romantically but Ronnie just as a friend.
Howard asked if Stephanie has told him that she loves him. Ronnie said she does that all the time. Howard asked if he's in love with her or not. Ronnie said this isn't Bubba's show. He would only say that she's a great girl and an awesome girl. He won't say he loves her. Ronnie asked what the big deal is. Howard told him to just say it. Ronnie said he says it in different ways to her. He said she knows.
Howard kept asking Ronnie if he's in love. He wouldn't say yes but he told Howard he's not saying no either. Howard asked what the big deal is. Ronnie said he just doesn't say it all the time. He said he has told her that he does but he's not going to say it to Howard. Then he finally said he does but Howard had to drag it out of him. Howard asked what's wrong with him. Ronnie said noting is wrong, he's fine.
Howard said he's like a little boy with this stuff. Ronnie said that's right, he's a little boy. He said he hardly ever said it to his wife either. He said things were fine for many years. Ronnie said that shit happens. Robin was goofing on him about that so Ronnie pointed out that she has never been married so she doesn't know. Robin said she isn't having a family so she didn't need to get married.
King of All Blacks called in and asked what's so awesome about Bubba. Ronnie said he likes the guy and he enjoys doing his show. He said he doesn't care if King doesn't like the show. King asked why he's so open on that show and not on Howard's show. Ronnie said he just never got asked those questions on this show. Howard said he banned them from talking about her. Ronnie said that was years ago. Howard said he didn't know the embargo was lifted.
Robin said that Bubba hangs out with Ronnie so that's why he talks to him. She said they don't hang with Ronnie like Bubba does. Ronnie said he hardly sees Bubba.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that this is funny and she can't explain how she feels. She said that this girl is kind of young. She said that she wants to know why he didn't give Howard the exclusive. Ronnie said there was no exclusive.
Another caller said that everyone is older than girlfriend. Even the age difference between Ronnie and the girl is older than the girlfriend. Another caller said she didn't want to hear about this at this time of morning. She said maybe in a couple of hours it would be fine. She said he's stuck in this Ronnie vortex.
Howard asked Ronnie if Stephanie wants to marry him. Ronnie said she doesn't care about marriage and she doesn't want to. Howard asked if she's going to move in. Ronnie said that's not in the cards right now. He wouldn't say why. Ronnie said he has things going on right now that it just won't work.
Howard asked if she would say yes if he asked her to marry him. Ronnie said she would probably say yes. He said she really doesn't care one way or the other. Fred played some wedding music as they were talking about that. Ronnie said he has told her he's never getting married again.
Ronnie said that he was married once and that was enough. He's not going to do it again. Ronnie said that she says she loves him. She doesn't want kids and she doesn't want to get married. Robin laughed when she heard that.
JD came in and said that he didn't want him to move on. He wanted him to play the last two clips he had pulled. Howard got back to that and Ronnie said he was leaving. Howard told him he could go. Robin wanted to look at him while Howard played the clips. Howard said he could go.
Howard played a clip of Bubba talking to Stephanie about how she likes girls. She told Bubba that she played around with this girl she lived close to. She said that she would stay the night in her apartment. She told Bubba she ate the other girl out. Ronnie said this was great because that's not the story he got.
Howard played another clip of Ronnie talking about shaving his balls. Bubba was asking Stephanie about her shaving and then she revealed that Ronnie is bald. Ronnie said he's not bald. She said that he shaves them all the time for her. He said that he's not totally bald. He does shave his balls for her though. Bubba asked Ronnie about eating out assholes with chicks too. Ronnie made that revelation too. Ronnie said that he does anal once in a while too. Bubba asked if he has ever taken a strap-on up his ass. Ronnie said he hasn't but she has put her tongue there.
Howard said she must love him if she has used her tongue on his ass. Howard said he was very open with the sex life stuff. Spice and Bubba were asking Ronnie about how she gets in there and got really graphic. Ronnie asked if they were in the room with him the night before.
Howard thanked Bubba and RadioIO for this audio. Howard played a little more of the clip of Spice and Bubba talking about what she must do to him. Spice asked how close he was to the description of what happens. Ronnie said he was at a 9 out of 10.
Howard said his teacher wanted to see some pictures from California but he didn't take any. He said he went to San Francisco but he wasn't there long. He said he took some pictures there when she just got there. He said he didn't want to bring out the camera just to take more. He said he didn't bring it out there that day. Then the next day he went to the hotel and saw Jimmy Fallon there. He cut himself off and said he'd talk more about this after a break.
Howard came back and said he had a game to play with Gary. Gary said that Ronnie and Stephanie have an age gap of 34 years. He had some other celebrities who have big age gaps. He asked about Larry King and his wife. Howard guessed it was more but it was only 26. Woody Allen and Soon Yi's is only 35 years. Gary said Tony Randall was with a girl named Heather. He said that was 51 years. Gary had a few others like Paul McCartney and Heather Mills which was 25 years. Gary said Howard Marshall and Anna Nicole's was 63 years.
Howard asked what's up with Gary's voice. Gary said he was fine until he came into the studio. He said Howard looks at him funny and it makes him nervous. Howard said Gary gives him a brief rundown during the break and he was clearing his throat while he was trying to eat. He said he thinks that he's so freaked out that he gets freaked out that it's a regular response. Gary said he starts thinking about it in the car on his way to work. He said it happens every morning. Then he leaves the studio and he's fine.
Howard said he had to get Lisa G in there to do her news preview. He said he had to talk about the camera thing too. He said he just can't carry that thing around everywhere. Howard said he's been learning about how to use the camera and stuff but he does mostly indoor stuff with Beth. He said she's the only one he sees. He said he took a shot of her in the bath the other day and now every bath she takes he's taking pictures. He said he has some great pictures and she let him Tweet one out. He said that it wasn't all that revealing. He said guys were saying they were beating off to it. He showed it to Robin and Robin wondered what it was. Howard told her it was Beth in the tub. She just said ''Wow!''
Howard said that he doesn't show those pictures to his photography teacher. He said he has a lot of the dog and cats. He said he was talking to the teacher about how he had to go out and take pictures outside. He tried doing that at a lake but he didn't give a shit about the lake so he wondered what he was doing. He said he realized that he doesn't care about landscapes. He said he doesn't even know where to begin with them. He said he cares about people so that's what he wants to do.
Howard said he saw some telephone company guys taking a break and they were more interesting than the lake. He said the teacher told him he should have asked if he could take pictures of them. Howard said he doesn't want to be bothered. Howard said he did go to the Wildlife Center out in The Hamptons to take pictures of people working. He said he put in several hours and his back was bothering him. He said he had to sit and observe and just wait. Robin laughed. Howard shushed her.
Howard said he's trying to learn Photoshop and he's been watching videos to learn. Howard said he can't figure that out. Robin said she got an iPhone and she thinks that you can put Photoshop on your iPhone. Howard told her not to listen to anyone and stay away from that.
Howard said on Friday he got to Los Angeles and he can't take pictures at the big party out there. It was 85 degrees out there and he wanted to swim but he wouldn't because every fuck nut was taking his picture out there. He said he's 10 pounds too heavy to be photographed. He said that he and Beth just stayed out of the pool. He said they all had their phones out by the pool. He said they pretend that they're doing work but they're taking pictures.
Howard said he ran into Jimmy Fallon out there. He said he's a really nice guy. He said he got up at one point and said he just had to go. He saw that Mario Batallia there and ran over to him. Howard said Jimmy ran over to this power meeting with him and with Lorne Michaels. Howard said he saw David Beckham out there too. Howard said Beth saw him and wondered who the really hot guy was. Howard said he thought he knew it was Beckham. He said the guy was wearing a wool cap and it was 85 degrees out. He said the guy has a look and he won't give it up even for the heat. Howard said that dude is a good looking guy. He said he wants to look like that.
Howard said he went to the Kimmel party on Friday night. Then on Saturday he went to Brad Grey's wedding. Howard said he didn't bring his camera to either of those. He said he knew that the wasn't going to be taking pictures so he didn't bother bringing one out there. He said he doesn't even like taking pictures so it's a great hobby for him.
Howard said he actually does take a lot of pictures. He said he took hundreds at the Wildlife center. He said that he got pictures of people and of the animals. He said that he waned to capture the compassion there and he thinks he got 2 out of 500 that do show it. Howard said he destroyed just about all of them but 2. He said his teacher tells him that's a pretty good average because there are some days when you get none.
Howard said he has a shoot set up for this weekend but he won't say where it is. Howard said he's way into this stuff.
Howard said Jimmy's party would have been a great place to take pictures. He said it was packed with famous people. He said the next day he talked to Jimmy and he had no idea that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner were there right next to him. He said that they didn't come over to talk to him. He said he was talking to Jon Favreau and he didn't know that Ben was right next to him. He said he would have dumped Jon in a second to talk to Ben. He said that Jon did give him a Cowboys & Aliens coin. He said he'll be holding on to that.
Howard said he wasn't drinking out there. He said he used to be fun when he'd drink some wine but now he's back to not being fun at all. He said he drank for like 5 years and had to give it up. He said his doctor told him that his liver was sensitive so he has to be careful. Howard said there's no point in drinking now. He said he's back to club soda and cranberry juice. He said any little joy he has he can't enjoy. He said even his agent told him to just drink.
Howard said he thought about having a vodka at Jimmy's party but he didn't. He said he did have one at the wedding. Howard said the wedding was wild. He said he almost felt acceptable. He said he had a nice conversation with George Clooney and his girl. He said that she was very hot. He said George was a very nice guy. He said that Don Rickles and his wife were at Jimmy's party and they were great. He said that Don started in with some people at the party and it was the funniest thing ever. He said Courteney and David were there. Demi and Ashton were there too. He said they were holding hands at the party. Howard said Demi was really cute. He said she has some tuchas on her. Howard said everyone is hot out there. He said it was crazy how many celebrities were there.
Howard said he was fixated on Clooney's girl's arm. He said that he was telling him to come to Italy and visit. He said he can talk a good game and tell him he'll be there. He said he seems like a really good guy. He said that he seems to be a huge fan of the show and knew everything that goes on. Howard said he didn't ask why he doesn't come on the show though.
Garry Shandling and Carol Leifer were at the party. He said that he loves Gary and went over to him to talk to him. He said he was talking to him about relationships or something like that and Gary wasn't even looking at him. He felt he was boring him. He said Gary wanted to get out of there so he just stopped wasting his time. Gary said he was interested but he kept looking around the room. Howard said he kept going.
Howard said that Ryan Phillippe was there. He didn't bring Amanda Seyfried. Howard said he heard he's thinking about giving up acting. He said if he had told him that at the party he would have smacked him in the head. Howard said he heard that Matt Damon was there but didn't see him. Mary McCormack was there with her husband. Howard said that Breckin Meyer was there too. He said he didn't know he was a drummer too. He said that Jimmy's Karaoke machine wasn't working and Jimmy was bummed about that.
Kristen Bell and Dax Sheppard were there too. He said that Emily Blunt and John Krasinski were there too. He said that Jimmy's family was there. John Stamos was there. Howard said the party was good.
Howard took a call from someone who claims to have crashed the party. The guy was sleeping though. Howard said there were a lot of people there.
Howard said that out there people never ask you a question. They just talk about what they're up to. Howard said he did have a good time though. He got to the wedding early and it was held at Brad's home. He said that this place had 3 giant tents. He said it had to be a $3.5 million wedding at least. He said he has big property out there. Howard said he has to be worth a fortune. He's just guessing though.
Howard said they had a tent for hors d'oeuvres and one for dinner. He said Beth was in the NY Post in her outfit. He said that Jennifer Lopez was there. He said that conversation didn't last long. He said she was very pretty and he didn't think she looked fat at all.
Howard said that the wedding invitation said it starts at 6:30. He said he got there at 6:20. Howard said that he wanted to be there to get a seat. He said when they say 6:30 it should start at 6:30. Robin said that's when you're supposed to start showing up. Howard said he got there at 6:20 and must have been one of the first. He said they had the paparazzi a block away. He said they had helicopters flying around and all of that. He said it was like a military zone.
Howard said he saw people in tuxedos since it was black tie. He said he was talking to one guy and it turned out to be Brad's driver. He said that's how early he was there. Howard said the guy seemed to be a great guy.
Howard said he found a great seat but didn't know the wedding wasn't going to start for an hour. He said that 10 minutes later Tom Cruise came in. He said that he saw Eddie Murphy come in next. He figured he'd catch him later and talk to him. He said he realized he shouldn't even be there when he saw famous person after famous person walking in. He wanted to just go home. He said he was getting nervous. He said it was like pressure on him.
Howard said other famous people like Jack Nicholson and people like that were coming in. Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale came in. He said it was like every famous person he could think of. Brad Pitt and his manager walked in. He said Beth was swooning. Johnny Knoxville and Martin Short were there. Howard said it was one after another.
Howard said Don Rickles and John Stamos were at the wedding too. He said Don got up and roasted Brad there at the wedding. He said he was honored that he came to the Kimmel party. He said he fucked up with Don though. He said Don was telling him personal stories about all kinds of things and he asked Don if he had read about Peter Lasalle in the NY Times. He said he told Don about what happened and it turns out it was Freddy DeKordova, not Peter Lasalle. He said that Peter is still alive. Howard said Don asked him what was wrong with him like his dad would. Howard said that he felt awful about that. Howard said Freddy was Johnny Carson's producer and he got him confused. He said Rickles looked at him like he was a moron.
Howard said Norm MacDonald came to Kimmel's party. He walked in wearing a ski jacket. He was dressed like a bum. He said that he didn't care but Jeffrey Ross was there and Jeff Ross started roasting him. He said Jeff walked over and told Norm he dresses like he's parking cars tonight. Howard asked Norm if he was going to let him get away with that. Norm said Jeff walked over to him again and said something to him about the outfit and Norm didn't know what to do. Jeff was just picking on him.
Howard said Jimmy threw some party out there. Howard said they had a pizza guy there making pizza and it was all very nice. He said it was even nicer than last time. He said the guy is such a gracious guy. He said Beth was happy to just get out. He said he was laying in bed in the hotel watching stuff on his iPad 2. He said he had a Superman cartoon on and she thought he was watching porn. He said she saw him watching cartoons instead.
Howard said Rickles was on fire asking Jimmy if he still does that show that no one watches. He said he started ripping into him and he's as sharp as ever. Howard said Don was sitting there and Beth sat down to talk to Barbara and Don. Don started telling them a story off the record and it was a great story. He said Don was making fun of the wife and Beth wondered what people say about her. Don said ''You? You're not even important enough. No one is talking about you...''
Howard said Adam Carolla was at the party but he never came over to him. He said that was weird. He said Christa Miller was there with Bill Lawrence.
Howard said he wants to meet Oprah's make up person. Howard said he saw the Chris Rock interview and they previewed a behind the scenes thing for her OWN network. Howard said that she still doesn't promote Sirius. He said that she's a genius. Howard said they showed her behind the scenes and she had no make up on. He said that she looks like a monster. He said he's not kidding. Howard said he's never seen anything like it. Howard said he has to meet her make up person. He said that the person would be able to transform him. Howard said he wants the guy's name. He should be on this show and he will honor him.
Howard said Mark Wahlberg was at the party and he didn't say hello either. Howard said he could have come over. Sting and Trudy were there. He said Sting didn't come over but Trudy did. Howard said Sting is too big. He said that they were at different tables. Howard said that this guy Bill was there and he plays trumpet. He didn't know the guy's name. Robin guessed it was Chris Body. Howard said that was it. Howard said that he told the guy how great he was.
Howard said Beth looked stunning at the wedding. He said that her nips were almost out at the wedding. He said that they were out by the time they got back to the hotel. Howard said that she looked incredible. Howard said he was very aroused.
Howard said he talked to Gavin Rossdale, Bob Saget, Jon Lovitz and others. He said he was trying to be social. Then Les Moonves came up to him. He thought about walking away but he was a nice guy about it. He said Les came up to him like he had never sued him. He said he asked if he was going to hand him another lawsuit. Howard said he thought that he was going to serve him the papers. Howard said his wife was there so he told her that he watches ''The Talk.'' Howard said he was just being nice like you do in Hollywood. It's all just business. Howard said that Mel told him once that it was just business and everyone sues everyone else. Howard said those words rang in his head so he just said hi to him. He said it was fine.
Howard said he was talking to Gavin Rossdale and Gwen didn't come over. He said she was like half a foot away and she didn't say hi. Howard said he likes Gavin but he'd like her to come over. Howard said Beth came over and Gavin started talking to her. He said that he looked over and Gwen was talking to Beth. He said she made the move after he left. Howard said Gavin listens every day and loves the show. He said he's putting out a new album but he doesn't think that Gwen likes him. Howard said she was fine with Beth though. Howard said he thinks that she got jealous of Beth.
Howard said he talked to Jon Lovitz and Lorne Michaels too. He said he went up to Lorne and told him he's a fucking genius. Howard said Lorne told him he's a genius too. He said that he told Lorne that he's kept Saturday Night Live going all these years and he's discovered so much talent. He said that he was in the middle of that and then Jon Lovitz comes over. He felt like he was in show business. Then a gay dude walks over to him and tells him to please follow him. He said that someone wanted to speak to him. Howard didn't know who this person was. Howard said he was busy talking to Jon Lovitz. He had no idea who Sue Mangers was. He asked who that was. Lovitz told him she's the biggest agent ever. Howard said that maybe she should have walked over to him. Howard said he thought he did the right thing staying in the conversation with Jon.
Howard said they summoned him to go over to speak to the bride. Howard said he grabbed Beth and went over to talk to Cassandra. Howard said Jack Nicholson was there and he asked if he was too good to speak to Sue Mangers. Howard said they fooled him into coming in to see Sue. Howard said he saw Sue there in a wheelchair and he didn't know that's why she wanted him to come to her. Howard said she wanted to tell him how much she enjoyed his books. Howard said Jack spoke to him this time and didn't brush him off. Howard said that's how Hollywood works.
Howard said that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony were there too so he told Marc what a genius he is. Howard said he watched him on American Idol and said he saw him telling them how to mix in their headphones. Howard said he and Marc were getting along and he told him that he's the best thing to happen to American Idol. Next thing he knew he was hugging Marc. He said Jennifer ran away. Howard said Beth saw him just about making out with the guy. He said he did something for the kids on Idol that no one else does. Howard said he did the right thing.
Howard said he sat with Stamos and he didn't bring a girl to the wedding. Howard said that was kind of boring. He said that the whole thing about Stamos is seeing the girls he's with. Howard said Bob Saget and his girlfriend were there. Rudy Giulianni and his girl were there too. He said that he had never hung out with him before but he was a funny guy. He said Mr. and Mrs. Clap were there. He said that he had no idea who they were. Howard said it turns out that Johnny Knoxville and his wife were Mr. and Mrs. Clap. He said that's his real last name. Howard said that JJ Abrams was there too. He said he wanted to swap his card for Mr. and Mrs. Clap.
Howard said it turned out that he had a shitty seat at the wedding. He said that he got to sit next to the guy who owns a restaurant even though all of these famous people were there.
Howard said Martin Short came over and talked to him. He said the guy is a really nice guy and a fan. He said spent most of the night talking to him. He said that he did that movie with Steve Martin ''Father of the Bride'' and it was the best thing he's ever done. He said he saved that movie. Howard said Martin just lost his wife after 40-something years.
Howard said they took a long time to make things happen at the party. They were starving and Rudy looked like he was going to pass out. Howard said it was a great wedding. They were out of there by 11:30. He said they were there since 6:30 so it was enough.
Howard said he and Beth did get up to dance and he saw Tom Cruise. He said hi to him but his wife didn't say anything. He said he heard that Gwen Stefani and Sting did songs at the wedding but they missed out on that. Howard said Tom seems like a gregarious guy. He said that his wife doesn't seem to be the same. Howard said he had to go to break after that. He spent a minute talking to Robin about her trip to Peru. He heard that she did some psychedelics there. Robin said it wasn't really psychedelics. She said she did this Ayahuasca ceremony that was kind of trippy. They had to go to break after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Jillian Barberie out in L.A. Howard said she never showed up to the party. He said she was Tweeting about the party all week but never showed. He said she was doing some car race and said she was tired and had to go home to sleep.
Howard had a clip of Jillian talking about missing the party. He played the clip and Jillian was talking about it on her show last week. Jillian said she had a lot of stuff going on with the car race and she had no voice by Friday night. She said you know it's bad when she misses a party for Howard Stern.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if the party was a Howard Stern party or a star fucking party. Howard said Jimmy threw the party and asked if there was anyone he wanted to see. He said it was a fun, wonderful experience. That's it. The caller also suggested taking pictures of sunsets and things like that. Howard said that's boring. He said he takes pictures of Beth in the bathtub instead.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Robin is wrong about this Ayahuasca thing not being a Psychadellic thing. Robin said that it's not meant to be used for just Psychadellic. The caller said that it's the most potent Psychadellic on the planet. Howard said this is a way of taking drugs for people who don't take drugs.
Robin said that she thought that this could help her out with her depression. Robin said she's not depressed now. The caller said that the active ingredient is DMT which can be taken out of many different plants. Robin said she's drinking the tea and not taking the drug. Howard said the caller was boring the shit out of him so he had to hang up. He said he was droning on about the DMT.
Howard said Robin does seem to be very happy. Howard asked if she knew that he'd talk her out of it if she told him ahead of time. Robin said she did. Howard said she once went to a witches coven and that's the kind of wacky stuff she does. Robin said she likes to experiment with things like that. Howard said if it worked then they wouldn't be doing it in a broken down hut. Robin said it was kind of sad. She said the guy, who calls himself Master, was a sweetheart. She said he's a master and he's revered there. Howard asked if she got caught up in his philosophy. She said she doesn't speak the language so she doesn't know what his philosophy is. She had an interpreter telling her what he was saying.
Robin said she was the only one there. She said that it's usually a group that goes. She said they have retreats all over Peru. Robin said there's a guy who created this retreat because this Ayahuasca thing cured him.
Robin said she was taken out to this place where she had 5 mattresses on the floor. Howard asked why they didn't put her in a nice room. Robin said they don't have a nice room. You live like the natives. They had chickens in the yard and things like that. Howard asked if she thought it might be dangerous. Robin said she knew it was going to be rustic. She said she didn't know where she was going.
Howard said it looks like it was a real shithole from what he saw. Robin said she was brought to her room and they had a shamen there to wanted to read cocoa leaves for her. She was just following what the tradition was. The guy told her that she was healthy and she'd live a long life. Howard said ''Yeah, like he knows...''
Robin said she wasn't allowed to eat all day. She said she had to stay silent too. Robin said you have to be only on water. Robin said she was told it was time for her Ayahuasca ceremony and she had to wear a lot of clothes. She said you get cold when you take it. Howard asked her what she's doing. Robin said they have them brew this stuff on the full moon. She said they have it in a big plastic jug. Robin said they gave her some cocoa leaves to chew. She said she did that and he started talking about the medicine and it's so reverent. She said that he was telling her it was for her spiritual revolution and things like that.
Howard said if a guy there in America did that to her in a bar she wouldn't do it. Robin said that's true. She said that they had some paint buckets in the room and the Master told her she was going to get sick. She said he said that was there for her to vomit in. Howard said he would have left right then. Robin said she never vomits and she figured it wouldn't happen to her. She was told that she would get cold or hot and sweat. All of this is normal for this Ayahuasca thing.
Robin said Master prayed and read the cocoa leaves and then told her it was time to take ''la medicina.'' Robin said he tried to open this stuff and it started foaming. She said it was an ugly brown liquid. Howard saw a picture of it and asked if she drank it. Robin said that this stuff was foaming like crazy and he started laughing. She said that he stopped the foaming and gave her a Dixie cup full of it. She said that he told her to drink it down really quick. She said it was the worst tasting stuff you can imagine. Robin said she gulped it down. Robin said they sit and watch you as it takes effect.
Robin said 30 minutes goes by and she felt a little queasy. She said that they said they'd give her more if she didn't feel anything. Robin said she drank some more of it and 10 minutes later she was sick as a dog and she started throwing up so violently that she was also farting. Howard said she's nuts. Robin said she was embarrassed from the farting. She said it just kept going and going.
Robin said you get this stuff out of you and you lay down and start having visions. Robin said that she started to see all of the misery of the world. She said she cried for about 4 hours non-stop. She said she was weeping. Howard asked how she saw the misery of the world. Robin said you see all of the pain of your own life and think about other people's pain and see the pain of the entire world. She said she was just weeping and weeping. Robin said Master fell asleep. She said she could hear him snoring.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Robin she has to be the most gullible person on the planet. Howard said he would have been miserable. the caller said he loves that she turns her nose at French fries but she'll drink that shit.
Robin said she did it the second night and she had to grab a bucket and go to the bathroom. She was going at both ends at the same time. Robin said she was throwing up in a bucket and going to the bathroom. She was starting to hallucinate while she had the illness. Robin said she wasn't sure if she should close her eyes or keep them open. She said she was on a trip that night and she doesn't even know what to say about that. She said it was very colorful and it was weird. Howard said it sounds like peyote. Robin said it is kind of like what American Indians do.
Robin said they were telling her that she should be fighting for her life in this. Robin said they give you a day break and then she was going to have to take the Ayahuasca again. She said she had to stop eating for a day. She said that they told her not to fool around and fight for this. She said she did it again and had nothing happening for like 2 or 3 hours. Robin said that she did that for an hour or two and got past the colors and had an incredible conversation with herself. She said she learned that nothing matters. She said she learned that life is great except for all that sucks. She said all of the crap they put on themselves is what sucks. Robin said she got violently sick again after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that she took peyote. He said it's plain and simple. Another caller said he could get her to throw up for 4 days in a row if she wants to fly down to Atlanta. Howard said he had to take a break and digest what she just said. Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said she won't drink milk but she'll take that shit. He said it makes no sense.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that her story is fascinating and it's something that he supports. Howard said she learned that society is no good. That's it. Robin said that she learned that the things we do are just for other people. She said we don't have to do these things. Howard told Robin not to base her life on this. He said it's nonsense. Robin said she thought a lot about Howard and it's all of this desire to have everyone approving of you. She said it's ridiculous. That's what makes life hard.
Howard said he had to take a break and get the Miss Howard TVs in there. Howard said he could go on with this all day but he has to get to the other stuff. He said he'll revisit this all week. He did a live commercial after that.
Howard said it looks like she's been working out. Howard asked if they could see her boobs. She took them right out. She said she paid good money for them so of course she's going to show them off. Ronnie said that he wanted her to put on another outfit but she didn't want them to see her ass in that. Ronnie said this outfit is great but he had another idea. Ronnie said this one is fine. Howard said Ronnie helps with the outfits. Brittany said that's what she heard.
Howard said she's single and she broke up with her boyfriend recently. She said that boyfriends cheat. She said she likes to fuck so she'll be with women and men. She said she models for Playboy Live and she enjoys doing that. She said she can only get topless on that. She said she's happy with Playboy so she's going to stick with that for a while. She said that she plays naked Twister on there but she can't show anything really graphic. She said they do get topless and play Twister with friends.
Howard asked where she can make the big money. She said guys can take you into a private room. She said he can get naked in the private chats. She said she hasn't been asked to do anything too crazy in the private chat. She said she's not sure what it costs these guys. Howard asked if she's ever met any of these guys. She said she hasn't but she has met them at the Playboy parties.
Howard asked if she's ever done this Ayahuasca thing. She had no idea what that was. Howard just moved on and asked about her boyfriend cheating on her. She said that she was with him a couple of years. She said she wouldn't cheat on him but he cheated on her. Howard said she seems to be plenty for a guy. He asked if she brought girls home for this guy. She said she wasn't like she is now.
Howard asked how many guys she's fucking now. She said she has 5 or 6 guys in her rotation. She said that she has a doctor in rotation and he's very cocky and confident. She said she likes that. She likes rough sex too. Howard read about her having sex with some people she met at an after party for Playboy. She said she had some pictures taken at that party too and they ended up getting out. Brittany said that people were really wasted there.
Brittany said she has a lot of hot men around her and her gynecologist is kind of hot. She said that she flirts with him but he won't flirt back. She said she tries really hard and he won't react. Brittany said that she gets wet because the guy is so hot. Howard asked if she lifts up her ass to show she wants it. She said she should. Brittany said she was there once and after the exam she kind of played with herself for a little bit. She's not sure if he knew what she did.
Howard said Brittany went to an all girls school. She said she went crazy when she got out of there and went to college. Brittany said she used to get in trouble all the time. She said that she would get in trouble for her skirt being too short and things like that when she was in school.
Howard asked if she was into Gange. She had no idea who he was. Howard had Gange come in. She said she thinks that Gange is hot when he came in. Gange said that she told them that she would fuck all three of them when she saw them on Skype during their interview.
Howard said that Brittany Ireland is going to be on Howard TV all month long. He said you can follow her on Twitter @BrittanyIreland.
Howard had Miss Howard TV of the year Devon Alexis come in too. Howard said she won the Miss Howard TV of the year. Howard spent a minute talking to her about how she's thinking about getting into porn. She said that she's thinking about it but she doesn't like the taste of jizz and she's not sure she wants it in her eye. Brittany and Devon were talking about their hot gynecologists and things like that too.
Howard read that Devon went out with a guy she met on a web cam site. She said that he gave her $1,200 for that. She said he was very shy.
Howard also read about how Devon goes to swinger parties. Devon told Howard about what that was about. She also masturbates all the time. Howard asked if she has a girlfriend too. She said she has girl friends that she has fun with. Howard asked if they're going to get it on together tonight. They're pretty sure they will.
Howard told the girls to take their tops off and make out. The girls took their tops off and checked each other's boobs out. Devon said that Brittany's boobs really did look natural.
Howard said the girls are going to be at Rick's Cabaret tonight. Howard gave them some plugs for that stuff and said he's proud of them. He said he wishes them the best and wishes Devon the best in the porn industry and hopes she doesn't get any jizz in her eyes. He said he hates cum in his eyes too. Howard wrapped up and let the girls go. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said it's unbelievable what Robin is up to. Robin said her trip was a spiritual one. She said it wasn't just a trip.
Gary came in and said that they have the audio of the parade that Robin got video of. He said she must go to countries that don't know how to tune their instruments. Robin said this goes on all day long. Howard played the audio of the awful sounding parade. Howard said Robin takes drugs and says that it's a spiritual thing. He said he learned the same thing in college when he did acid. Robin said she has a profound understanding now.
Howard said he can get Robin that same Ayahuasca stuff there in the city if she wants to puke and shit her brains out. Robin said she wanted to do it in a traditional way. That's why she did it the way she did.
Robin started her news with a story about a sex study that was done that found that people are all sexual deviants or there is no such thing as a sexual deviant. Robin said that they found that the top 10 searches that guys make are youth, gay, MILF, breasts, cheating wives, vagina, penises, butts and cheerleader's. One of them was blocked out because it was too dirty even for the authors. Robin read some more details about that and found that a lot of men are into feet.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said Beth looked unbelievably hot in that photo in the NY Post. Howard said that wasn't a photo shoot either. He said they had the paparazzi kept away from them for the wedding so they had high powered lenses. He said they got out of a car and they got pictures. He said he's not sure how they did it actually. Howard said she looked great. Bobo said he's a lucky man to wake up to that every day.
Robin got back to her news and read about this guy Sy Baba who has died at the age of 84. Robin read some details about that.
Howard was still asking Robin about her trip to Peru and asked if she misses her Master. Robin said she does not. She said that she doesn't want to know more about him or anything like that either. Robin said that someone recognized her down there and her guides asked how they knew her. She said that she was kind of famous in the United States so they Googled her and found out what's going on with her.
Robin read that Charlie Sheen has lost his goddess Bree Olsen. Robin said that he wishes her well. Robin said his tour is still going on too. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Howard asked Robin if she met any other guys down there. Robin sad there were some guys who were kind of cute who were around. Howard took a call from a guy who told her she has to have sex because the lack of sex is making her crazy. Howard said he would kill himself if he was stuck down there like that. Robin said she was fine down there. She said they were very lovely people there. They spent a few more minutes talking about that stuff. Howard asked if she feels attached to god. Robin said she feels attached to creation.
Robin got back to her news and read about a couple of bodies being found in a pile of horse manure. She said they were buried in the pile. Howard was still on the Peru trip thing and asked Robin some questions in the middle of her news.
Robin read more about the horse manure thing. Robin said the bodies were wrapped in plastic and they say that one was male and one was female.
Robin read about a pro bowler who was stabbed. Robin read the details of that story.
Howard mentioned he saw Norm MacDonald's new ''Sports Show'' and thought it was very funny. He said he liked Oprah's interview with Chris Rock too. Howard said he wanted to rip the TV out of the furniture the other night. He said HBO had Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Louis CK and Ricky Gervais talking to each other about what it's like to be a comedian. He said he went berserk. He said Louis and Ricky don't shut up. He said Chris Rock would try to talk and they'd interrupt. Howard said it was making him nuts. He said Chris is the greatest stand-up right now and they should be taking notes about Chris. He said Chris would start to talk and Ricky and Louis would talk over him. He said it was the worst show ever. Howard said they should have Chris talking by himself about what it's like being a comedian. Howard said Ricky was talking about throwing stuff out because the jokes are too easy. Howard said Ricky seems like a funny enough guy but he wouldn't shut up. Howard said they needed a host to cut them off and tell them when to shut up.
Robin read about Floyd Mayweather's assault charges and how he could face up to 34 years in prison if he's found guilty.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it's time to replace Robin. He said she's out of her fucking mind. Robin said she was watching some Spanish TV and saw The Bachelor movie with Artie in it and they had him speaking Spanish. Howard said Robin is searching for an answer and she's confused. That's what this is all about. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a rare flower that opened up at Ohio University. Robin said the plant bloomed about a week ahead of schedule. It goes several years between blooming.
Robin read about a break out of an Afghanistan jail and 541 prisoners escaped through a tunnel. Robin said the Taliban is taking credit for the break out.
Robin read about how there are still questions about President Obama's religious beliefs. Robin said that Franklin Graham is the one questioning it. Robin said we're supposed to have freedom of religion in this country. She said it shouldn't matter what it is. Howard played some audio of the guy and went off on him about his comments.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump's possible run for President. Robin said a lot of people think it's a goof. He hasn't made any official announcement. She said that he did go to visit a tea party convention though. Robin said that Trump is chiming in on the whole Obama thing about him not being a citizen of this country. Howard said Trump isn't going to run. He said it's all a publicity stunt and so is the complaint that Obama isn't a citizen.
Robin read about Obama attending some Easter services yesterday with his family. They went to a Baptist church. Howard said that's not good enough for Franklin Graham. Robin said they were snapping pictures of Obama at the services.
Robin read about Robert De Niro speaking out against Donald Trump's comments about Obama's birth certificate. Robin said that De Niro said it's awful and terrible to say without backing up their statements.
Robin read about what's going on in Libya and how they haven't been able to get Muammar Gaddafi. They bombed a house thinking he was in it but he wasn't there. Robin said they say that he wasn't there.
Robin read about how Gabrielle Giffords is going to go see her husband's Space Shuttle lift off. Howard said that this woman is never going to be the same. He said the guy who shot her should have a hole drilled in his head. He said that guy is parading around and it's just not right. Robin said they say that Giffords has recovered sufficiently to be able to travel to Florida to watch her husband's flight. Howard said this is just as bad as that John Hinkley getting out to have sex and things like that when he gets out on furlough. Howard said that guy who shot Giffords is going to get his own TV show. He said that woman is never going to get her life back again. Robin said Giffords is able to stand up and push a shopping cart down the hall at the hospital. Howard said he needs to go see Master and get some Ayahuasca.
Robin read a story about Eli Sachs, the creator of the TV show ''Bewitched,'' dying at the age of 100. Howard said that show was great. He said that Elizabeth Montgomery was hot back in the day too.
Robin read about how Lenny Dykstra is in more legal trouble. He apparently got naked and interviewed a woman to be his housekeeper. He also asked her for a massage. Robin said that she answered a Craigslist Ad and showed up finding him naked and telling her that she'd have to massage him.
Robin had some movie news. She read about the new movie ''Prom'' and had some audio of one of the stars talking about that.
Robin read about Khloe Kardhashian and her sister starting in an episode of Law and Order tonight. Robin had some audio of Khloe talking about that. Howard cut that off and ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon asked if Ronnie was mad at JD for doing that. JD said he was saying he wished he had cut some stuff out but he knows he can't do that. JD said he had to leave it all in.
Jon asked Gary if he thought that it was off limits to talk about Ronnie's girlfriend. Gary said he did still think it was off limits. He said they didn't know they could go that deep with him. He said if Howard knew he could talk about it, he would have done it and gotten that same interview out of him. They had to go to break after that.
After the break Jon said he had to get into this Ronnie stuff. He asked JD when he didn't want to hear anymore. JD said he heard him talking about his balls being shaved and things like that. He said that the ass stuff he'd heard before. JD said that the bald balls was too much to hear. Gary said the big revelation for him was that Stephanie is into other chicks. He said he's imagining that they're doing other people. JD said they said they haven't done that yet but they're open to it.
Jon said Ronnie seemed kind of surprised that this came up on the show today. Gary said he had to know it was going to come up. Benjy said he wasn't all that shocked by anything that they talked about. He said he doesn't think the finger in the ass thing is all that bad. He said that's just not for him.
Gary said that it could be odd for him to hear the intimate details of Jon Hein's sex life. that's what it's like for Ronnie. JD said he loves Ronnie but he doesn't want to hear about those things he's doing.
Ronnie came in so Gary told him how weird it was for him to hear the details. Ronnie said it was interesting alright.
Jon and Gary asked when they knew they had said more than they thought they should. Ronnie said he and Bubba have been texting back and forth for weeks. He said he was planning on going down there. He said he was texting and calling and didn't get any answers. He said he got there and asked Bubba if he was too good for him. That led to about 40 minutes about that and then they brought Stephanie into the studio. He said it started like it happens there. He said Bubba was dragging stuff out of him and the next thing he knew she was in the studio standing in the dark. He said that's how it wound up with her being in there.
Jon asked why he doesn't use the L-word. Ronnie said he used it for 34 years and he's really not that type of person to say it all the time. Gary said Howard was just trying to find out if he's in love with her or not. Gary asked if he's in love with her. Ronnie said he likes her a lot. Jon said that makes it sound like he's keeping his options open. Ronnie said he's with her now and that's that. He's not keeping his options open.
Benjy asked if they're in a monogamous relationship. Ronnie said according to her they are. Gary said he just can't give a straight answer. Benjy said he's curious if he thinks he's free to see other women. Ronnie said he wouldn't tell her if he was with another woman but he hasn't been. He said they don't have any boundaries.
Ronnie was also talking about the age thing that he talked about with Howard. He said he's not that much older. Ronnie said he's enjoying himself and he had an awesome time down in Florida.
Jon asked about the marriage thing. Ronnie said that she could move in and they have talked about that. The marriage thing is out. Ronnie said he isn't going to get married. Ronnie said there will not be an engagement or anything like that. He said that she could move in but that's where it ends. He said that she says she doesn't want a ring but if she does then they're done. He said maybe the day will come when he needs someone to push him in a wheelchair and he'll want to marry someone. He said he's not having kids either.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Ronnie if he thought that the relationship would come up with Bubba. Ronnie said he didn't know it was going to come up. Gary said it's funny because it sounds like Bubba's guys operate like they do up there. They get them into the green room and then work them into the studio.
Ronnie said Brent came to him when the show ended and said that JD was on the phone asking for the audio already. JD said he was on the phone before he was even on the show.
Benjy asked if she's a better fingerer than other chicks. Ronnie laughed and told him to give him a break.
Jon asked who is telling him that his moustache looks good. Ronnie said he has friends who do. He said no one there at work tells him it looks good. He said they know that they'll get poked. Ronnie said he saw some friends down there in Tampa and they liked it. He said he doesn't know if Scott likes it but he'll throw it out there. He said it would be cool if Scott grew sideburns and a moustache like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who was wondering if Ronnie is hiding it from this girl that he doesn't want to get married. Ronnie said he's not hiding anything from her. He said that they had a great vacation together too. He said he's not sure what people are talking about when they say they're surprised about his girl. He said that people were surprised about Howard and Beth too. He said life goes on.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks Howard was upset that he had the conversation he did on Bubba's show. Ronnie said he asked Howard if it was okay and he was. He said you never know what's going to happen. He said he's fine now. He said he did the whole two hours with him down there.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks. Gary said he thinks that they knew it would end up there. Ronnie said he knew it would end up there. Gary wondered what her parents are going to do. Ronnie said he's not sure. Benjy said he can't wait to ask to smell Stephanie's fingers. They went to break after that.
Gary said that this was great intel for him because he thought that Clooney wasn't into the show but now he knows that he's a fan and he can try to get him on the show again.
Jon asked if Gary was surprised that Howard got to the wedding early. Gary said Howard takes time very seriously. It wasn't surprising to him.
Benjy asked about what Howard was saying about Mark Wahlberg not coming up to him but maybe Mark was wondering why Howard didn't come up to him. Gary said that's possible.
Jon wondered if Robin doing the Ayahuasca thing was her taking drugs. Gary said that she said it was a guided trip tour so it's different. He said he's not sure what that means. Gary said throwing all of the jokes out the window, he's wondering what she's looking for. He said that she may feel she purged some emotion or something. Jon said she might be looking for different ways of feeling better. Gary said this seems kind of extreme though. He said racing cars and that other stuff she used to do seems much more normal now.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how big Howard really is that he thinks people should be coming up to him. Gary said he is a big star and he can go on Letterman whenever he wants. He was on the cover of Rolling Stone and things like that too. He said that Howard is a number one guy and people seem to understand that. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about watching Robin's tapes from Peru. He said he's really worried about her. He's serious about that too. He said he might have to do an intervention with her. Robin said she knew that was going to happen. Howard said the most disturbing thing was when she pulled over and let some homeless looking guy breathe on her and rub her with rocks giving her some kind of powers. He said she'd never do that in New York. Robin said she was trying to have an experience down there.
Howard said the interpreter down there was a nuisance. He said the guy was taking her to homeless people and interpreting what they're saying. He said Robin went down there to experience drugs and he did that in college. Howard said Seth Rogen is a big drug user and he talked about that Ayahuasca thing that Robin did. He played the clip for Robin from the last time he was on. Seth talked about how it's like the most powerful hallucinogenic on earth and he would never do it.
Howard said he thinks Robin is seriously depressed and she's going about it the wrong way to fix herself. He said he saw the tape of her in the room with the 5 mattresses on the floor. He said it's just not right. Howard said he used to take drugs in college like that.
Howard played some more music from Peru that Robin taped while she was there. Howard said he doesn't think anyone listens to what the other people are even playing down there. He played the clip from yesterday and some new clips they found. Howard and Robin laughed. Howard said it's a horrible country and you can judge a country by its music.
Howard said Robin is on some kind of mission and it's kind of like what he did in college. He said he basically put himself out of his mind. Howard said Robin had that Shamen helping her around and had that ''Master'' guy helping her out. Howard said he should take her to the deep south and have her do the same thing with those people. He said she could have died down there doing that stuff. Robin said Doug was worried about her and she said she was worried too.
Howard had some audio of Robin pulling off to the side of the road and letting this little guy using rocks on her and stuff. Robin laughed and said she finds his reaction to all of this very funny. She said this is a tradition of that country. Howard said it was disgusting to see him breathing on her like he was.
Howard played the clip and Robin was asking what this ceremony was. Howard said the ceremony is the guy taking her money. He said the interpreter is probably making stuff up to tell her. He said this guy is wrapping rocks up in newspaper and Robin sits there waiting for her ''experience.'' Howard said people are worried about Robin. He said they think she's seriously ill. Robin said people have been worried about her since she started working there.
Howard said he's wondering what she's going to do next. He told her to just relax. He told her she might want to go to therapy more than once a week too. He said he'd suggest 5 days a week. Robin said all she did was go down to see how people live in another part of the world. He said she needs to relax instead.
Howard played more of the audio of the interpreter telling Robin what this ceremony is called. The guy told the interpreter what it was and how he was going to give Robin new powers and new energies. Howard said poor Robin. He said she's so lost. He said people told him he should have done something for Artie. He's wondering what he should do for Robin.
Howard said this guy had Robin in the weeds and it looked like he was going to blow her. He said he was wrapping his garbage in newspaper and wrapping it like it was the Torah. Howard said they're all in on it and they're just scamming Robin. He said Robin was sitting up and this guy was blowing into her head and praying over her. Howard said the guy didn't have a power in his life and he's passing nothing on to Robin. Howard said if he had someone from New York City doing this to Robin she'd have him taken away.
Howard said this guy was breathing on Robin's head and he was knee deep in her dreadlocks. Howard played more of the audio and described what was going on. He said the guy was grabbing her tits and molesting her. Robin laughed some more.
Howard said he had a clip he hadn't heard yet where the guy describes what the rocks do. He says the rocks are energy. Howard said the guy probably pulled this guy over a few minutes before Robin got there and set this up.
Robin said she doesn't believe in any of this energy stuff. She was just going along with these traditional things they do. Howard said he feels bad for Robin. She's on some weird trip and he's worried about her. Robin said she's the same person she's always been.
Howard said Robin was laying in the weeds and it was in filthy Peru. He said people have to see the tape. He said maybe Robin needs to be a little paranoid. Robin said she didn't have one bite or insect incident down there.
Howard said he would smoke hash or drop mescaline when he was in college. Howard said that's what this is like. He said even Seth Rogen who is a big drug guy won't go through this Ayahuasca thing.
Howard asked Robin what the difference is between regular rocks or magic rocks. Robin said here is no difference. She said it's all about the ceremony.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's really depressed because his wife has Lupus and some other things. Howard said he could send him to Peru if he wants. Howard said people have reasons for being depressed. He said no one knows what other people's lives are like. He said you can't determine what will make someone sad or depressed. Robin said having a reaction to bad things happening to you isn't necessarily a depression.
Robin said that she's not depressed anymore. Howard said Robin is very euphoric when she gets into something. It doesn't last though. He said she gets into car racing or the green drink thing. Robin said the green drink is her life. Howard said ''We'll see...'' Howard asked if she feels good from the Ayahuasca. Robin said she feels good from what she learned down there. She said she learned about the suffering of people around the world. Howard said he did acid and almost lost his mind. He said he fears that Robin is doing the same thing.
Howard said Robin wants an answer and she's not going to find it in Peru in a jug. Robin said she didn't go there looking for answers. She went for a spiritual investigation. Howard said that's what he was doing in college.
Howard asked who recommended this to her. Robin said it was friends. Howard said he would never do something where he's going to vomit and shit his brains out. Howard said this stuff is insanity. Robin said this is stuff brewed from a plant at least. Howard said she's trying to have a childhood she didn't have. Robin said she's not trying to get out of her head. Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said it sounds like a mid-life crisis.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that going to a foreign country and doing drugs is dangerous. He said that she could have been raped or something. The guy told Robin that you don't get anything spiritual from a drug. Robin said it wasn't a drug. It's from a plant. Howard said everything is made from plants. Fred and Howard tried to tell Robin that what she did was take drugs but she insisted it was just from a plant. Howard said her logic makes no sense. Robin said they're being very extreme with this. Howard said he thinks that he might have to avoid talking about this because Robin seems to be taking joy from this.
The caller said that they use this stuff Ayahuasca to get rid of worms from people because it makes you vomit and shit so much. Robin said she must be clean then.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he thought she was insane when she talked to her horses. Howard said she was whispering to those horses. The caller said he thinks that Robin would be crying right now if she didn't laugh so much. Howard said the laugher is her crying.
Howard said Robin was Tweeting about this asking people to guess ''where's Robin.'' He said the whole thing was insane. Robin said the people were enjoying it. Howard said she doesn't know that they were enjoying it. Robin said she read the Tweets and they were enjoying it. Howard said the next place Robin is going to be is Bellvue.
Howard read some email about Robin and people were saying they have to get her in a straight jacket and things like that. Howard read through a bunch of those emails and one person said this is what happens when black people get too much money. Another person told him not to stop goofing on her for the next 4 years. Another said that she was at a Peruvian version of a crack house. Howard read one where a person talked about how insane she really is. They mentioned Ronnie in one of them so Howard talked about how nuts he sounded on the Wrap Up Show.
Howard said he's sorry to hear that. He asked if he got her a good casket. King said he'll get her something nice in dark wood. Howard said he's sorry to hear that and he knows how attached to her he was.
King said that the Nick Di Paolo show was a horrible thing too. Howard said he heard it was good. King didn't like it. He told Howard to hug his mother today. Howard said he would if he could find her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is a great day. He said King is crying because he's not going to get anymore money. Howard said he'll probably inherit the money. The caller said this is the best new ever. He said he's a big baby crying over his mother. Howard said that's not cool.
King said the funny thing is that it's almost better if he had parents that weren't there for him. He said you don't feel bad when they die. Howard said you're just depressed your whole life and you'll take Ayahuasca.
Another caller asked what kind of casket he's going to bury her in. King said they did that already. She's going to have the best. Howard wished King the best and said he's sorry to hear the news. King said he's leaning on granite right now.
Howard asked Robin about her third trip and what she realized in that. He knows that in the first trip she saw the horror and then the colors in the second one and the Master yelled at her. Robin said that she realized that people impose the horror of the world on themselves in the third trip.
Howard said Robin needs help. She's not doing fine. Howard said she's depressed. Robin said she's not depressed anymore. She said she got rid of that anger and pain.
Doug Goodstein came in and told Howard that the guy on the side of the road was rubbing cookies on Robin too. Howard described the scene and there were candies in there with cookies. He said the guy took whatever he had and wrapped it in a bag and then rubbed it on Robin. Doug said it was like he went to a bakery dumpster and rubbed it on her. Robin said that cost her $150 too. Howard said he'd rather go with the Braco guy than this. Robin said they don't understand the purpose of a ritual. It's not magic. Howard and the guys continued to goof on Robin about being such a sucker with this stuff.
Howard said this was crazy stuff. Robin said that there are many rituals like this in the world. She said people think it's okay when they do that. Howard said he doesn't. He thinks they're all nuts.
Howard said this is just as nuts as the Pope holding his smoking purse. He asked her why she would go and do this when she knows that the smoking purse thing is crazy. Robin said he wouldn't have known what this was unless she had gone on this trip.
Howard played some audio of people talking about that Braco guy who does the ''gazing'' with people. The people feel that they felt some kind of power when he did that with them in the room. Howard said the guy just stares at people. They claim that if you're open you'll get it. Howard said you're an idiot if you don't get it. He said he'd go there and just say he doesn't get it. Howard said the guy stares like he's a retard. He said he should put Wendy the Retard out there to do the same thing.
Howard said these people can barely speak after this Braco thing. He said that guy takes money from these poor people.
Howard said Robin is looking for an answer. Robin said there are no answers. She said that the Ayahuasca allowed her to find her own answer. Howard said that this Shamen is going to end up in his green room and he'll have to be nice to him. Howard said Robin had that person living in there with the green drinks for weeks. He said he wishes she had brought them back with her.
Howard asked Robin what she discovered down there. Robin said she got to release repressed emotions that first night there. Howard said she was farting and puking that night. Howard said he feels sorry for her. Robin said he should feel good for her. She said she feels sorry for Howard who is still carrying around all of that crap. Howard played some of the music that they played while she was down there. Howard said the guys Tweeted the picture of the crap the guy wrapped up and put on Robin.
Howard played more audio of the Braco guy and said he looks like that guy Scott Stapp. Howard said he had to take a break. He said they have Gilbert Gottfried coming in today. He said he wrote a book and he has some autobiographical stuff in the book and he mentions him in a very unflattering way. He said he might be done with Gilbert after today. He said he has a lot of questions about the book and the Aflac duck thing. He has to yell at him like he's yelling at Robin. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Wolfie was busy at a toy show. He also went to some neighborhood and asked about how scientists brought back some dinosaurs and asked the people what they thought. Howard said it was remarkable.
Howard played the clip and Wolfie asked people about this made up story about Mexican scientists bringing back a Tyrannosaurus Rex. One guy was saying that he's wondering if they should be bringing them back because they were extinct for a reason. Howard said at least they know better than to cross the border. The guy Wolfie was interviewing was rambling on and on about what could happen.
Howard played another one where a guy took a little long to get to his point. Howard said he'd fast forward through it but he wasn't able to do it. Gary said they actually did edit it down. Howard replayed it and the guy said that it was amazing that they were actually able to do that. He said he was excited about it.
Another guy said he was shocked that they brought back a dinosaur when he heard about it. Wolfie was making this story up but everyone was reacting to it like it was a real story. Howard said Wolfie could make up a story every day and people will never say that it's not a real story. In another clip a guy said that when god makes animals extinct there's a reason for it and they shouldn't be brought back.
Howard said Wolfie went to a toy convention and got some interviews too. He had an interview with a guy dressed up like Optimus Prime from the Transformers movies. Wolfie asked him who he was and the guy went into a long description about where he came from. The guy would lose it when he'd have to ad lib. Howard said they offered everyone the Ayahuasca stuff and they all refused.
Howard had another interview where Wolfie interviewed a guy dressed up as Cobra from the GI Joe series. Howard said they were all wearing masks. Wolfie asked him what he does for a living. The guy said he's just an average Joe but right now the economy is tough. Howard said he'd be ashamed to go to this convention and go home to his parents house without a job.
Howard played another one where the guy said he had bought a bunch of toys there at the convention. Howard said if he were his parents he'd get in the car and drive into a lake. Robin said that's not right. Howard said he'd have to give up at some point. The guy was telling Wolfie what he bought at the convention and Howard had no idea what he was talking about. Robin said some people can't be helped. She said they can't do anything but this. Howard said he'd have to drive into a lake. He said he doesn't agree with what that woman did by driving into a lake but he would have to do that with a kid like this. He said he'd set his GPS for ''lake'' and just drive. Fred played some sound effects of a car peeling out and some splash sounds.
Robin said these people are like Sour Shoes in a way. Howard took a call from Sour Shoes and asked if his parents had ever tried to drive him into a lake. Sour was performing a song and didn't hear the question. Howard said he was playing Chicago. Howard pretended he was Sour's father getting ready to drive him into the lake. Fred played the sound effects again with the car driving into the lake and making a splash.
Howard kept asking for Sour to answer him but he kept playing. Howard said he felt like Steve Langford talking to him. He said he couldn't take it. Sour kept singing. Robin asked if he even cares that they're on the phone. Howard asked if it sounds like he cares. Of course not.
Howard played some of the prank calls the guys made to Steve Langford using Sour Shoes audio clips. Steve kept asking Sour to put his parents on the line. He said he wanted Sour to go to jail for the prank calls not knowing it was Sal and Richard playing clips.
After that Howard took a call from a guy who said that they have some people on trial in Arizona for killing a woman in one of those ceremonies. Robin said it was a sweat lodge, not the Ayahuasca thing.
Howard played more of Wolfie's interviews. He had one with a guy who was talking about the toys he bought there at the convention. The guy said he got some GI Joe parts that will keep him busy. Gary said it's apparently a big business. He said you can find the parts and buy the crotch for $3. Howard wondered what you do with that. Robin and Gary said you must build your own or restore the old ones. Howard said that's really being into GI Joe.
Howard played a clip of a guy who was dressed up as a Ghostbuster. The guy said he was representing a group of people who do it. Wolfie asked him to describe what he was wearing and the guy said he had the proton pack on and he built it himself. He said it can run $1,500 to $2,000 to build one complete. Howard said you want to drag these people into a job.
Wolfie interviewed another guy who was dressed up as a military toy and was talking to him like he was actually in the military. Howard said he can imagine a real military guy seeing this asshole running around in a Cobra outfit. He said this is the stuff you do when you're 5. He said it's no wonder the country is going down hill.
Howard said he read about what happened over in Libya when we bombed them trying to kill Gaddafi. Howard said he found himself agreeing with Gaddafi's son. Howard said they ended up blowing up guys who just work for a living. He said that we don't want to send ground troops in so they're just blowing stuff up. He said there were probably cleaning people in there. Low level people who didn't have anything to do with Gaddafi. Howard spent a few minutes talking about that. He said the whole world is nuts.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he goes to yard sales and buys up the GI Joe things and sells them on eBay. He said he can get some good money for the stuff too. Howard asked what they do with the parts. The guy said he thinks they customize the toys and they sell them as unique figures. He said he has no idea what he puts online but he knows he can sell any GI Joe parts he finds. Howard asked what the most valuable stuff is. The caller said he had 5 GI Joe dolls missing arms and legs and the guy bid them up over 100 bucks. He said he just knows he's making money on them. Howard said they should see how many of these parts Sal can fit in his pouch.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie interviewing a guy who was dressed up as an Alley Viper. Howard said this guy is against GI Joe. Howard said GI Joe is like Gaddafi. He can't be found. The guy was in a mask and talking to Wolfie about how his wife supports him in all of this and she has some costumes of her own.
Howard played another one where a guy told Wolfie he probably has 5 or 6,000 figures in his collection. Howard said that was enough of that.
Steve said they have a story about Curtis Sliwa being disgusted that Stuttering John is involved in that John Gotti movie.
Steve said that Lisa G is on the cover of Making Music magazine with her violin. He told Howard about some of the stuff she said in the article. Howard said the picture didn't look good. He said that it doesn't even look like Lisa. He said it looks more like Lisa Kudrow. Howard wondered why she won't play her violin for them. Steve said she should be in there playing if she's on the cover of a magazine. Howard said he doesn't even care if she's not that good. Steve said she does recitals so they need to go to them. Howard told him to get on that.
Steve said that they have a story about the anniversary of Kenneth Keith Kallenbach's death 3 years ago. Steve said he spoke to his mom yesterday and she's doing okay but not great. She told him that she heard from Ken from the great beyond and he told her to just let go. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he had some new song parodies inspired by Ronnie and Robin. Howard said Ronnie gets really defensive when people aren't even goofing on him. He had some clips from the Wrap Up Show where he was talking about his hang up about saying the word ''love.'' He was also saying he questions whether or not she loves him.
Howard said Ronnie must think he's him or something. Ronnie said his father went through some stuff and he saw it happen. He went off on Robin too saying that she's always contradicting him. He said Robin just sits there and laughs when Howard is goofing on her so he doesn't think that she should be going after him.
Howard said Ronnie is nuts. Ronnie said everyone who works there is nuts. Howard asked why he can't say he loves Stephanie. Ronnie said it has nothing to do with him. He said it has to do with his father. Howard said his father had no money, he had nothing. Howard said Ronnie is comparing himself to him.
Howard said Ronnie isn't rich and he's not famous. He said that he's comparing himself to Howard Stern. Ronnie said he is no. Howard said this girl must love him because she's not after anything. She can't be after anything because he has nothing. Howard asked Ronnie what she could be after, his apartment? That big tire in his basement? Ronnie said he's not sure why Howard thinks it's about him. Howard said Ronnie is funny. He said Ronnie has this fear that he's after something but what would it be? Ronnie got really defensive and said it's not about Howard. Howard said of course it is. He's putting himself in his position. Ronnie said he is not.
Ronnie said he saw his old man go through some stuff and it's not about Howard. Howard asked what she's going to get out of being with him. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Howard said she could get a lot of other rich guys. She must not want anything from Ronnie. Ronnie said it's just something in his head. Howard said that's not his situation though. He's a limo driver, not David Arquette. Howard said Ronnie is a hard working man. He said she's not going to inherit anything.
Howard said maybe she's after his Twitter verification. Ronnie told Howard to call her and ask her about this. He said he has talked to her about it. Howard said Ronnie has nothing so she's not after anything. Howard said he didn't want to tell anyone this but Ronnie is worth $23 billion. Ronnie said it's just something he has a feeling about and all Robin does is laugh. He said when Robin is under the gun she just laughs. Robin told him his perception is just off. Ronnie said he's telling them that he's just fucking nuts. Howard said he's great on the Wrap Up Show. Robin said she doesn't understand this either.
Howard played some audio of Ronnie on the Wrap Up Show talking about his relationship with Stephanie. He was talking about how he hasn't cheated on her but he wouldn't tell her if he had. Howard said the guy is crazy. Howard said he's the best on the show. Better than anyone.
Howard played more of Ronnie talking about how he has no boundaries but they actually do have boundaries. Howard said he's like Hugh Hefner. Robin said he's actually trying to be like Howard from a few years ago. He's trying to hold on to the pride of the Mund name. Ronnie talked about how he's not going to have a relationship more than moving in. He won't get married. Howard just laughed.
Howard said the guys on Bubba's show said he looks like a guy from a Civil War reenactment. Howard said this girl is working her ass off and she's not after him for anything. Howard said Ronnie thinks he's famous. Ronnie came back in and asked if he's crazy. He said Stephanie has her own thing and she's working two jobs. Howard said he knows. She's not a gold digger. Howard said she just wants to be a Mund.
Ronnie said he doesn't get Howard. He said it's just something in his head and it has nothing to do with Howard. Ronnie said they discuss stuff all the time and he pretends that they didn't talk about it. Howard asked what he thinks she's looking for. Ronnie said he doesn't know but it's in his head. They went back and forth on that for a few minutes not getting anywhere.
Howard asked what she's after. Ronnie said he never said she was after anything. He said all he does is question it. Howard asked what she would be after if she was after something. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Howard said maybe he copyrighted ''TOPLESS'' or something. Ronnie said he didn't. Robin and Ronnie went back and forth arguing for a minute. Howard asked what she would be into him for if he has nothing. Ronnie said he never said she was after anything. Howard let Ronnie go. He said he's going to end up locking up the windows and drive them into a lake.
The caller, Hillbilly Jack, said he had throat cancer. He was wondering when he could get on the show. Howard said people come on the show and they're great. He said they constantly call trying to get on again. Jack said he has a show he does every Wednesday on his web site. He asked if he could say hi to his friend. Howard hung up on him.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Howard shit on Jillian and that's why she didn't show up to Kimmel's party. The guy said he heard Natalie goofing on her about puking at the last party and Howard didn't defend her. The caller said Christa Miller did the same thing when she was on the show. Howard didn't defend her. Howard said he didn't know he was supposed to defend her. He said maybe he's right about that. He doesn't know.
JD came in and said Jillian Tweeted that she had a headache from the racing she was doing and then she overslept. That's why she missed the party. Howard said that's what he thought too. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he should play some of the songs that are coming in about Robin and Ronnie. Howard played one called ''Big Titty Soft and Brown'' by Eli Braden. Howard said he had another one called ''When I'm Fucking Robin'' which was also by Eli. Howard said that was a nice tune and Eli has a nice voice.
Howard said Little Mikey has a new one about Robin's boobs called ''I Love To Touch Myself To Your Cans'' to the tune of ''With a Little Help From My Friends.'' Howard said that was a keeper. Robin said it was alright. Howard said it was good.
Howard said they had another one about Robin's trip. He played that one which was to the tune of ''Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds'' and it was ''Robin Took Peyote and Farted.'' That was by Eli. Eli also had one about Ronnie and his girlfriend who is only 1/3rd of his age.
Howard said they tweeted the clip of the guy rubbing Robin with the crap on the side of the road.
Howard said the book is strange. He said that it's called ''Rubber Balls and Liquor'' and it's kind of strange. they talked about the title and where Gilbert got that from.
Howard said there's one story in the book about him and he has been so great to Gilbert over the years. He said he even defended him in the whole Aflac thing. Gilbert said he's not allowed to talk about that right now. He said he can't talk about that. Gilbert said it's like the head of GM coming on the show and saying he can't talk about cars.
Howard said the Aflac work was like one day of work and he didn't have to do that much with it. Gilbert said that's right. Howard said it was probably the easiest money he's ever made. Gilbert said ''Oh sure...'' Howard said it must be making him crazy that he has the kids and he has to pay for school and all of that.
Howard said Gary asked Gilbert how old his kids are and he didn't know. Gilbert said he just says ''the girl'' and ''the boy'' and doesn't say their names. Gilbert said it's still like waking up in the Twilight Zone with the kids around.
Howard said Gilbert is so disconnected and his wife must have to yell at him to do stuff. Gilbert said that they would probably find the kids starved to death if his wife wasn't there. He said he would forget to feed them. Gilbert said he thinks that it's a better experience for women than it is for men. He said that he will hold them and hug them up to a point. He said his son isn't two yet so he doesn't think it's gay to kiss him yet. Howard asked if he's going to give up on that eventually. Gilbert said the kids will probably let him know when they're sick of it.
Howard said Gilbert doesn't mention his wife in the book. He doesn't mention how he met her or anything about the kids. He dedicated it to them though. Howard asked if that was done because it's the right thing to do. Gilbert said he didn't know who else to dedicate it to. That's why he did it.
Howard asked Gilbert about the Aflac thing again and if he would do it over again. Gilbert said that he does have a lot more followers than he did before the whole Japan thing. Gilbert said he wondered why everyone got so upset when he does the same kind of thing every day of his life. He said he has done that kind of thing many times in the past. Howard said he has stopped doing the offensive Tweets lately. He even had to apologize. Gilbert said he did that in the first day and a half and they were going back and forth with the agents and all of that.
Howard asked if he was trying to hold on to that Aflac gig. Gilbert said he was in a daze and he's not sure what he was doing. He said he was shocked that of all the things he's said in his career that it was this thing that got him in trouble. He said none of them had apparently heard of Howard's show.
Howard said it wouldn't have been anything if 75 percent of Aflac's business wasn't in Japan. Howard said that he must look into where Shoedini is sold now. Gilbert said that Kathie Lee Gifford got into trouble with the sweat shop thing and maybe not every celebrity knows where that stuff is made.
Howard asked how he got fired. Gilbert said he found out through his agent. Howard asked if the agent told him to do damage control. Gilbert said he did. He said the media was reporting that it was comments and remarks that he made and not ''jokes.'' He said if they had said ''jokes'' then it wouldn't have been a big deal.
Gilbert said the two first days on Twitter were like psycho emails saying that they were going to kill him and his family. He said after that it was an overflowing of fans saying that he was just joking and that's what he does.
Howard asked if he composed the apology himself. Gilbert said that came out of a machine like ''Apology 176, okay, lets use that.'' Howard said that Gilbert is all about himself and he's not thinking about other people. The apology was obviously not written by him.
Howard said Gilbert has been Tweeting other jokes about the Tsunami since then. Howard said his income must have been cut down by a lot. Gilbert said of course it was. Howard asked if he'll be able to get more commercial work now. Gilbert said it's a funny thing. He said he realized that the tsunami was on the news every minute but then one day he woke up and Chris Brown throwing a chair had taken over. He said they use the same emotion and urgency with that story as they do with the tsunami.
Howard asked Gilbert which of his jokes was his favorite. Gilbert said he did a really dumb one about what Japanese Jews like to eat and it was Hebrew National Tsunami. He said it was so stupid and unfunny but they took it seriously. He said he asked what the best pop singer in Japan was and it was ''Gwen Tsunami.'' That's the kind of jokes he does on there.
Howard said Gilbert doesn't do his own Tweeting thing. He said he has someone doing it for him. Gilbert said he has like 50 Howard Stern's following him on there.
Howard asked if this is the first time someone has been fired for Tweeting. Gilbert said there was a guy stuck in traffic who said that no one there in Detroit, the Motor City, knew how to drive. He said that Chrysler went after his company and got the guy fired. He said that there was a teacher who complained about her students being too loud and she got fired. He said another guy at an airport had complained about the airlines and he got fired too. He said it's a really weird time period.
Robin asked if he lost any other commercial work. Gilbert said he didn't. He said the people who were most outraged were the people at TMZ and Perez Hilton. He said Perez draws penises on people's faces but he was offended by him. Howard said Perez was drawing penises on some kid's faces for a while there and he said to him that it was kind of crazy. He said he thinks that he's grow up a little bit since then. Gilbert said he's the arbiter of good taste.
Howard asked Gilbert if he would take it all back if he could. Gilbert said he would. Howard said this is how he makes his living though. Gilbert said that's what he said earlier. That's what he does for a living.
Howard asked if he wanted to lock the doors and give up on show business. Gilbert said there were people running out and chasing him all over the place after the whole tsunami thing. Howard asked if he was ready to get out of show business. Gilbert said he thought show business had already left him, not the other way around.
Gilbert said he thought it was going to be like a Frankenstein movie and people were going to be outside with pitch forks. He said that it turned out people have lives and they don't bother. He said people still wanted to take pictures with him and all of that.
Howard said he read that Gilbert writes about his father being a hardware store guy and he would sell airplane glue to kids because he knew they liked to get high. Gilbert said he had a store where nothing got sold. He said it was in the middle of nowhere in Coney Island. He said that it was in a side area there not near anything. Gilbert said people were sniffing glue around then and they passed a law saying they could only sell glue to kids if they bought a model kit. He said his father had one airplane model collecting dust and he'd sell that to them so they could buy the glue. He said the kids would just buy the kit and throw it in the garbage where his father would take it out and put it back on the shelf.
Howard said he didn't talk about his mother in the book. Gilbert said someone who is close to him who said it looked like it was getting touching but then it would turn to childish and immature things that were obscene. Howard said there are some revealing moments in the book.
Howard said he thought that he would get emotional about him but he only mentions him in one paragraph about the time he was in the hospital. He said he was really emotional about Gilbert back then and he likes the guy. He read the paragraph and Gilbert goofed on him about his looks and how it was like the number 7 was visiting him when he'd show up disguised. Gilbert knew that they were only visiting so they'd have something to talk about on the show the next day.
Howard said Gilbert didn't want them telling anyone he was in the hospital because he didn't want anyone bothering him. It turns out that no one cared so a month later Gilbert was begging them to tell everyone. Howard said Gilbert told them he was out of show business when he was in the hospital.
Howard said he read about Gilbert picking up a stripper at a strip club and brought her home. Howard said he finished so fast that she refused to return his calls the next night. Gilbert said that he was shocked that he got her to show up to his apartment. He said if you wrote a TV show there are rules and this is something that would never happen. He said he had seen this stripper before and he was at an event doing a set and he saw this girl there. Gilbert said he met with lunch with her and then went to his place. He said he was making out with her and going nuts. He didn't know what he was doing. Howard asked if he was trying to win her over with his soft kissing or anything. Gilbert laughed and said that's not what he was doing. Gilbert said he was thinking about how shocking it was he was making out with this hot girl. He said the clothes came off and she was wearing nice underwear and he was totally crazy. Howard asked if he got naked too. Gilbert said he did. This was pre-operation.
Gilbert said he heard that Marilyn Monroe would pick up guys off the street and they'd make out with her but then she'd see this look on their face about how they were about to fuck Marilyn Monroe and they'd lose their erection.
Gilbert said he didn't lose his erection. He said this girl's ass was great and he was about to do her doggy style and her ass was like perfection. He said he got his dick in and he lasted maybe 2 and a half seconds. He said he put on a rubber and put his dick in and he was done. He said he might not have even moved it once. He said he just exploded. He said he can last long with his wife. Howard said he would pay anything to see him fuck. Howard said he's had the same problem when he finishes in a second. Gilbert said the stripper looked over her shoulder shocked and horrified. He said it was like she saw the Loch Ness Monster. Gilbert said she asked if he had finished. Gilbert said he was in total ecstasy. He was exhausted and drained and she couldn't believe it. Howard asked if she got dressed and left. Gilbert said she did. Howard said that's the ultimate walk of shame.
Gilbert said he tried calling the girl the next day because he had said that he would try to call her the next day. Gilbert said that she gave him a look like she was hot that day but in a year she'd be ugly and maybe dead. He said he called her the next day and all he got was silence and felt like she was giving him that look over the phone again.
Howard said Gilbert writes about working on Saturday Night Live and tells a story about how Woody Allen watched his audition tapes. Gilbert said that he sat there stone faced and when Woody saw his tape come on he sat up and pointed his finger and asked if he was a Navajo Indian. That was it. Howard laughed his ass off at that story. Howard wondered what he did in that audition. He said he would have loved that Groucho impression.
Howard said Gilbert does great impressions and he should have done them on SNL. He said he could do his Dice Clay, Groucho and the Jew who sings. Gilbert said no one would ever describe him as self destructive. Howard said he's in a competitive business so he has to do that stuff. Gilbert said he did that Groucho impression for Dick Cavett and his mouth was wide open. Howard said it's incredible. Gilbert said he knows he should have done it. Howard said he really should have and he had his moment when he could have.
Gilbert said he hated the other writers and they hated him. He said they wrote a sketch once where he played a dead body in a casket. That's how much they hated him. He said he really didn't get that he was getting this great job. He said he didn't think that much of it when they hired him. He said that season was a season where they didn't think the show would go on without the original cast. Howard said he could have been bigger than Billy Crystal if he had done his impressions.
Howard asked what he did for Dick Cavett. Gilbert went into his impression of Groucho and had Robin and Howard laughing. He does it as ''Old Groucho'' who can barely speak. He had Groucho singing a song and speaking in that old man voice that he had. Howard said Dick Cavett would let him go on and on with that stuff too.
Gilbert said he was on Thicke of the Night once and he got a great compliment from Alan Thicke. He did an impression of Alan Thicke for a few seconds too. Gilbert said he was on doing a bit and he started improvising and did a Peter Lorre impression and Vincent Price was on the show and Vincent said he loved that imitation. Howard asked what the Peter Lorre impression was like. Gilbert didn't do it but he said there are a lot of different ones.
Gilbert said he did do the Dracula thing for ''Son of the Beach.'' Howard said that was a great show and he's not sure why it didn't take off.
Howard said Gilbert quit school and he stopped going to class but the teachers didn't even notice. He said that must make him feel like a snail in life. Gilbert said he left school and he'd hang in the library. He said he had no place to hang out.
Howard asked Gilbert if he's proud of his new book ''Rubber Balls and Liquor.'' Gilbert said the funny thing is that he likes the way it looks and the way the cover looks. He said he sat between that model's legs for hours. Gilbert said he likes holding the book and he was forced to read it but he got no joy out of it. Gilbert said he had to read it to look for mistakes and he doesn't want to read other people's books so he sure doesn't want to read his own. Howard said that would be a great quote for the back of the book.
Howard said Gilbert got a job in Beverly Hills Cop II and he had worked with Eddie Murphy on SNL for a year. When Eddie saw him on the set of the movie he asked if he knew him from somewhere. He had no idea he had worked with him on SNL.
Gilbert said he worked with Christopher Lloyd on something once and he had done ''Cyberchase'' for 10 years. He said Katey Seagal worked with him on a show once and he was right up against her in a scene. He said that when he met them at an event once neither of them knew who he was.
Howard said he read that Gilbert was going to be Mumbles in the Dick Tracey movie but at the last minute they went with Dustin Hoffman. Gilbert said they told him they had him in mind for the part and then at the last second they went with Dustin Hoffman. He said that he met Warren Beatty and he was a fan for a short while.
Howard asked Gilbert if he's going on a tour for his book. Gilbert said he's doing The View today. Howard said they're going to yell at him today about that Twitter thing today. Gilbert said he knows and he's scared.
Howard gave Gilbert some plugs for his book signing at the Barnes and Noble in Union Square in New York City Thursday night. Howard said Gary went to a book signing once and all of the book store people had to get on line to make it look like there were more.
Howard said that Gilbert should refer to Sheri Sheppard as Star Jones today on The View. Gilbert laughed. Howard asked if he's going to dress up for this show. Gilbert said his wife wanted him to. Gilbert said he's on Twitter @RealGilbert and he has GilbertGottfried.com too.
Howard asked Gilbert about why he says that some of the stories in his book are not true. Gilbert said he starts stories off as true but then he'll make them funny at the end. He said that they're not completely true.
Gilbert once got stuck in the bathroom of his dressing room at the Tonight Show. Gilbert said he had to dig his way out of the bathroom. Howard said it sounds like it was like the movie with the guy who got his arm stuck. Gilbert said he had to chip his way out of the bathroom and he kept pounding and pounding cracking the door. He said he had to climb out and it was like Die Hard for him.
Howard said there was one touching story in the book about how he worked at a movie theater and he would time the sex scenes in the movie so he could go and watch and get back to work at the concession stand.
Howard said Gilbert also talks about working at a club and there were Mexican guys who would watch the women in the bathroom from the rafters. Gilbert said he saw them climb up like rats in the crawl space to look in the bathroom. Gilbert said they waved him up once and they boosted him up and they showed him what they were doing. He said they didn't even speak English. He said they'd peek into the women's bathroom where they had punched holes in the ceiling. He said they would watch the women going to the bathroom and you'd just see the tops of their heads.
Gilbert said he thought it was ''something different'' but he was getting scared from the walls shaking. He said he could imagine falling through the ceiling. Howard said this is some book he wrote. He can say that he's lived the life of a 3 year old most of his life. Howard gave him some more plugs and then went to break.
Wheels asked if he ever uses his computer to listen to Sirius. Howard said he listens on a receiver at home. He said he uses it in the car and at the house. Wheels said they upgraded the system online and they used to give you a warning before they'd cut you off but now they just cut you off and it's a pain in the ass to get it back going. He figured Howard would be able to help since he's the big cheese there.
Howard said he's really not the big cheese. They think he has some kind of agenda there and they tend to mistrust him. He said he's included in nothing there. Howard said people complain about the app and how they can improve it but he's thrown his hands up. He said he doesn't think anyone cares. He said he likes the app but Wheels said that he's talking about the internet feed, not the app. He said they give you like 10-15 minutes and then cut you off.
Howard said when he was at K-Rock they couldn't get equipment that worked. He said he wondered if things had changed. He said he heard a story about Nick Cannon doing a show and he claimed he was giving out his home phone number. Howard said he wanted to listen to that so he went on their web site and clicked and watched the old radio bit where they pretend to give out their home phone. Howard said he saw a link to listen to the station online and he figured he'd check it out. Howard said he clicked on it and listened to the music. Within 2 minutes the whole thing got jammed up and stopped working. He said some things never change.
Howard played some audio of Nick Cannon talking about this home phone number thing. Howard said this guy knows how to talk so he's not sure why he's got that hood accent. Nick was talking about his wife being very pregnant and she can have the baby at any minute. He eventually says he's going to give out his home phone number so the fans can keep in touch. Nick said this proves how real he is and how he wasn't joking about this. He said there was no B.S. in that. Howard said the retards listening think that they're getting his real number. Howard said this is lame radio. He said he should stick with America's Got Talent.
Howard said he doesn't hate the guy either. He said it's just lame radio. He said he likes when people are honest. He said they could just say that this is a number where fans can leave messages and they'll replay them. Howard said he likes Nick on America's Got Talent and he doesn't hate him or his wife.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on there. Wheels said he had the Ronnie app and he wanted them to add some other stuff. Howard said that's not Ronnie's app and he's against it.
Ralph called in and said that the Sirius app also shuts off by itself too. He said they should put a beep in there and warn you. Fred played some of Ronnie's ''Dude'' clips so they figure they could use that instead of a beep for the app.
Fred played Robin into her news with a Little Mikey song parody. Robin started her news with a story about Al Sharpton starting a music career. He does a song with Bootsy Collins. Robin had some audio of that song. They were also talking about Al's relationship with James Brown and how he wasn't left anything in his will even though they were supposedly really close.
Robin read a story about a guy who has died while getting fired from a cannon in England. Robin said the net he was being fired into gave way and he died.
Robin read about a new video that just went viral. Robin said this guy's daughter laughs uncontrollably as a dog is trying to eat a bubble. Howard said he saw that and it's the cutest thing ever. Robin had some audio of the baby laughing. Fred threw in Maria Menounos' laugh during that. Robin said that the video has been featured on a bunch of TV shows. Howard said it's terrific that a baby can find humor in something like that. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a transgender beating victim who was beaten up at a McDonald's restaurant. They have video of it that was taped by an employee. Robin said the people in the store told the girls who were beating the person up that they should get out of there. Robin had some audio of the transgender person talking about how she's afraid to leave her house. Robin said they have fired the person who taped the fight.
Robin read a story about another McDonald's in Ohio where a woman ran her car into the crowd. Robin said that they claim she was trying to leave the scene and it was a self defensive move.
Robin read a story about Nicholas Cage getting into trouble for allegedly abusing his 5 year old son. Howard said he saw the video from that night and it didn't look like abuse to him. Robin said she thought it was a big deal when they were arguing about where they live. Robin said a witness claims they saw Cage drag his son to the ground. The wife says Cage fell with the son but the witness said he pulled him to the ground. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Charlie Sheen coming to the said of Lenny Dykstra. Howard said things aren't going bad enough for Lenny, now he's got Charlie in his corner. Robin read that Dykstra filed for bankruptcy in 2009 and he was arrested earlier this month for embezzling. Robin said Charlie put up 15 percent of his bail money. Lenny tried to help him out with lawyers when he was first fired from Two and a Half Men.
Robin read about this guy Franklin Graham who is challenging the President's birth certificate. Howard said this guy is bullying everyone like his dad did. Howard said they should tell him to shut the fuck up. He said they have some racket with that Graham family. Howard said he should put as much faith into Obama as he does with the imaginary friend who was resurrected.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump and Robert De Niro going back and forth arguing and how Trump has said that De Niro is no Einstein.
Robin read about how Lindsay Lohan has been told to do some janitorial work near corpses for community service. She'll be near a morgue area and she will be exposed to some dead bodies. Howard hopes that she'll realize she's hit rock bottom doing janitorial work like that. He read another live commercial after that.
Robin read about Michael Vick joining the humane society and condemning a dog fighting app. Robin said he's saying that it's not right to glorify something like that. Robin said they're trying to get rid of the app from the Android app store.
Robin read about how Ron Paul may announce he's running for President in 2012. Howard said he thinks that Brent from Bubba's show is into him. Robin read about another guy who has announced he won't be running.
Robin read about how Katie Couric may announce she's leaving CBS soon. She could make that announcement very soon. Robin said that she won't be doing anything major, just an announcement.
Robin read a story about the warning that the U.S. has put out about traveling to Mexico after a bunch of kidnappings, beheading's and other violence.
Robin read about Lindsay Lohan going on the Tonight Show tonight. She pre taped an interview on Monday.
Robin read about Facebook working to give deals to Facebook users. Howard said it sounds annoying to him. Robin said the deals are intended to be for groups of people to share with friends.
Howard said he got a Tweet from this guy who told him to check out this web site Lynda.com to help him learn Photoshop and he did it. He said it's 25 bucks a month but he likes it. He said sometimes he can actually follow what they're doing.
Robin read about the NFL lockout and how some players are saying they will show up to work. The NFL is saying that they may not have a season this year.
Robin read about this group of victims of molestation by priests and how they're spreading out across the country. Robin had some audio of a guy from the group talking about what they're trying to do.
Robin read about a paralyzed Rutgers football player who says he will walk again. She had some audio of the guy talking about how he believes he will walk again.
Robin read about Elton John's baby and how they want to know who the biological father is. They both provided samples so they can find out who the actual father is.
Robin read about a new movie called Hoodwinked that will be out soon. She had some audio of Heidi Klum talking about her part. Howard said that she's gotten rid of that annoying German accent. He said that was very impressive.
Robin had some audio of Brandon Routh talking about a new movie he's in. Howard said he got a note saying that Lindsay Lohan got a standing ovation at the Tonight Show. He wondered what the hell people are thinking.
Robin read that Phoebe Snow died this morning. Howard said he heard she was in bad shape. He said she was lost without her daughter. Howard said he saw her at a concert a while back and she didn't know what to do with herself. Howard said they went out to dinner with his wife and had some good times. Howard said she even sang at his wedding. Then she had this stroke that was a major stroke. Robin said they say it was in January of 2010. Howard said she was basically gone by then. He said they love her and miss her already. Robin said she sang at many of their birthday shows. Howard said the most inspirational thing was how devoted she was to her kid who was severely retarded. Howard said there was some mishap there and she was very devoted to her. He said he thinks that she loved that child more than any person has ever loved a child. She raised that kid all by herself. Howard said he thanks Phoebe for all of her appearances on the show. He said he enjoyed them all. They ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon brought up the Phoebe Snow death story and that led to Gary talking about how she was his go-to person for the birthday shows. He said she would do it reluctantly but she would be so thrilled after the show because the feedback was so good. He said she once opened up for Jerry Seinfeld.
Jon said he wanted to start with Robin's video that they talked about first thing this morning. Gary said he thinks that she's searching for something or experience something. Gary said he went SCUBA diving with his kids on vacation and he was glad his kids pushed him to do it. He said Robin's thing is a whole other level of that. He said someone sent him an email about that process and they claim that it pushed all of the bad out of their life. Jason laughed. Gary said the person claims that they had just shed a wet winter coat off of their back.
Jon said Howard didn't seem to get where Robin was coming from. Jason said he doesn't know what Robin is searching for but he wants to know what the truth is. She's not being honest to herself or to the audience. He said that she's saying that it's spiritual and that's bull. He said she's doing this to ''cleanse'' her body. He said there is something there about her thinking that she's dirty inside and she's trying to cleanse it.
Benjy said he thinks that it's cool what she's doing but she's not embracing what she's doing. He said what she's doing can seem silly. Gary said it can be dangerous too. Jason said he's happy if it works for her but the antidepressant market is huge and if he could do this to get rid of his depression he'd do it too.
Gary said Robin might be thinking that it's a different way of getting rid of depression instead of doing it the way Jason is doing it with Western medicine. Jason said he's not closed off to that but Robin sounds like Jenny McCarthy claiming she got rid of that depression in 3 days. He said that she thinks that they're all idiots for thinking that she can't do that.
Benjy said that maybe there are things to search for and that's what Robin is doing before she dies. Jason said she's claiming that it's spiritual but it's a personal thing. Jason said that there's a show where these guys go off and live for 3 months doing that kind of thing. He said they did the thing that Robin did and one of the guys ran into the woods in the pitch black and they weren't able to find him for the longest time. He said the guy went crazy for a while.
Gary said Robin should have been on the buddy system going down there. He said she's in Peru and you should go there with someone else. Jon said it is a dangerous situation to put yourself in. He said he gets that she's looking for something and that's okay. Gary said he's surprised she didn't bring someone with her.
Jon said Jason told him that he was proud of her for doing it. Jason said he thinks it is a brave thing to do if you want to have an experience like that. He said he has seen how it works and Robin had to work to get what she got. He said he does respect that.
Jon asked if Howard is concerned for Robin. Gary said he thinks that he is and he's kind of with him there. Jason said it's odd that he can't have a real conversation With Robin about it. He said that's the really odd thing.
Gary said he was told that he was crazy to be SCUBA diving in Mexico. He said that they took a 2 hour lesson and then went and did it. He said he was told it was crazy. They compared that to skydiving and to what Robin did. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked Ronnie if he feels like he's Howard. Ronnie said he really doesn't. He said that whole thing about his dad is about his dad. He said his father and mother split up and his father wound up with a young chick... Gary cut him off and asked what it was that the woman wanted from his father. Ronnie said he saw what this woman did to his father. He said Howard knows this whole story too.
Ronnie said this woman ran off with some guy one day after she had taken care of him after his heart attack. He said she was much younger than him and he's thinking that she could do the same thing to him. He said Howard doesn't seem to understand that. Ronnie said he told Howard this story and he knows that's what it's about. He wouldn't let him explain that this morning.
Jon asked if that's something he really worries about. Ronnie said of course he does. He talks to his shrink about it all the time. Benjy said maybe it's a silly thing to worry about like being afraid of the dark. Ronnie said he doesn't think it's silly.
Gary asked how old the woman was when she left his dad. Ronnie said that she was probably in her 40s. Gary said maybe she just didn't want to do that the rest of her life and wanted to get out. Ronnie said that's what it was.
Jon asked Ronnie if he tries to be like Howard. Ronnie said he doesn't look anything like him and he doesn't do anything like Howard does. Jason said he looks the opposite of Howard. He said Ralph looks like Howard. Ronnie said Ralph tries to look like Howard.
Jon said it's not the physical stuff. It's Ronnie saying he won't get married and things like that. Ronnie said he doesn't want to get married again. Gary said he dares them to meet any divorced guy over 50 who wants to get married again.
Ronnie said he doesn't do what Howard does and he didn't even get the Blackberry himself. He said Stephanie got that for him.
Jason said he sometimes wonders when his wife is going to leave him. He said he's not sure why she doesn't once in a while. He said it's not constantly there but he's waiting for her to wake up one day and ask ''What the fuck am I doing here?''
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard was being a hypocrite saying that Robin was being scammed when he does that Transcendental Meditation thing. Gary asked how that's a scam. The guy said you do have to pay to learn how to do it. Gary said you could say that TM helps him out. The thing that Robin did is something you do in the back woods of Peru though. Benjy said he thinks that Howard was pointing out that Robin was doing drugs but not admitting it. Gary said Howard doesn't like to take any drugs and he'll avoid them if he can.
Ralph said that Howard started with the TM thing when he was like 15 and it's not like what Robin is doing searching and searching. He said Robin can't sit still and there is something wrong there. He said that she's not in either one of her homes for more than 2 minutes. Ralph said she gets into things and she's really high on them for like 2 minutes. He said she does them all and then gets sick of them. He said there's something mentally wrong with that. Ralph said she just takes off to Peru spur of the moment.
Jason said she's not just doing something wild. He said she's doing things that can change her life forever. He said it's pretty major stuff.
Ralph said he thinks that she likes the attention she gets from it all. He said that she's crazy. He said he loves her but he feels bad for her. There is no calmness for her.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think Howard is upset that Ronnie talked to Bubba about his girlfriend and he didn't get that radio gold. He said that Howard might be jealous of Ronnie living that crazy life he could be living. Gary said he doesn't think that's it at all. Gary said that Howard wasn't jealous of the stories Ronnie told on Bubba's show at all.
Ronnie said Howard wasn't pissed and he thought it went from Bubba having radio gold to the Howard Stern Show having radio gold. Ronnie said it was just something happened and Bubba is a great interviewer like Howard is.
Jason said they have like 3 years of questions for Ronnie now. He said the floodgates have opened up now that he did that interview. Ronnie said it just happened and they opened up on the show.
The guys talked about how Ronnie wouldn't have gone to Gary telling him he was ready to open up about sex with his girlfriend. The stuff just comes out during discussions. That led to them revealing that Ronnie had anal during a Mets game a while back. Ronnie said he's a Mets fan so he had sex during the game. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said he wouldn't do what Robin is doing but that doesn't mean it's wrong. Jason said that if Robin was saying that she was an adventurer and that's what she's doing then it would make sense. She's not saying that though.
Another caller said that Robin is giving Ronnie a hard time about being honest when she's not being honest either. He also said that Ronnie looks like Jeff Lynn from ELO. That led to Jon and Gary giving the guy a $500 prize for his call. That was from Sony Pictures for the ''POM Wonderful presents The Greatest Movie Ever.''
Jon asked the guys what they thought of Gilbert today. Gary said it was great because it's so hard to pull stuff out of him and now he's written a book so they were able to get some stories. They talked about Gilbert for a minute before they had to end the show.
Howard started the show talking about a press release about Beth doing a TV show. Howard said Gary asked what her real name is because she goes by Beth Stern and Beth Ostrosky. Howard said that's one annoying thing about her. He doesn't know what her name is.
Howard said the show is called Gossip Cop and she'll be on the TV Guide channel. She'll be hosting the show. He said they announced her as Beth Ostrosky Stern. He said he almost asked if that's her name or not. He thought she was changing it to Stern. Howard said they said she was Beth Ostrosky in the NY Post the other day. He said it's a big mystery to him. Howard said he just shut up because he's asked before and didn't get a straight answer. He said he'd like to know if it's Ostrosky. Howard said Courteney Cox wanted to be known as Courteney Cox Arquette. He said Beth could do the same.
Howard said Beth should establish who she is. He said she could be Beth Cox Arquette Stern if she wants to be. He doesn't care as long as she gets it straight. Howard said he'd call and ask her but she's busy doing interviews for the North Shore Animal League. He said she's unavailable and he doesn't know her name.
Howard said the fans get pissed on Twitter whenever he does anything. He said they complain about the short clip they put out there yesterday. He said they want to know why they don't put more out there and the reason is that they have to make a living over there. He said they have to charge for that stuff and get paid. He said they can't give it all away. Howard said they distribute stuff for free and you get what you pay for... shit.
Howard said Lady Gaga was on the internet talking about how she doesn't feel worthy. He said she calls her fans little monsters and she says she's one of them. Howard said he was watching it but turned it off feeling like it was all contrived and made up. Howard said if it was real she wouldn't be video taping it.
Howard was having some problems clearing his throat. He said he could take a break and try to fix it but he's trying to work. Fred threw in some Gary clearing his throat clips. Howard said Gary is able to leave the room to clear his throat. He said he can't do that since he's on the air.
Howard said he pointed out to Nick that if he wants to beat Elvis Duran on another station then he can't make up this stuff and claim it's real. Howard said it's such a fake thing and it's been done before. It's a mistake to do it.
Howard said Nick got his tits in an uproar and started bashing him. Howard read his Tweets where he told him to shut his old ass up. Howard said he's not that old and he still does a relevant show and still sounds good. Howard said he's been around radio long enough to know what bits are bullshit. Howard said he has been number one in every market and he should use his head. He said his station is in the toilet and he should listen to his suggestions. Nick Tweeted some other stuff about him and said it's comical when old people make fun of current bits. Howard said Artie once gave out his real phone number on the air and actually did it. Howard said people were calling him non-stop. Howard said that's why he loves Artie. You don't pretend to give out your home phone number.
Howard said Nick told him not to be mad because he's out of touch. Howard said he'd like to know what Nick has done in radio. He hasn't set the world on fire. He's getting his ass kicked. He said he's the one who is out of touch. Howard said at least he's been in touch himself.
Howard said he had some various Tweets about Howard Stern and Imus and some other stuff like that. Howard said the fans pointed out that he's successful and Imus isn't. He said that if he doesn't know the difference he shouldn't be on radio. He said he should listen to his show and Imus and try to figure it out himself.
Howard said he finds it to be odd that she doesn't think that she took drugs. Robin said it had a medicinal effect on her. Robin said that it's not a drug and it does matter what state it was in. She said it was a brewed tea. It wasn't a synthesized tea. She said it's not considered a drug. Howard said it is a drug. Robin said she took a hallucinogen. She said it's not a drug. She said that it's something that's been separated from its natural form. Howard said they disagree on that.
Howard said he doesn't agree with colonics and enemas but if Robin gets off on that then that's fine. He said he doesn't care. The caller said that she can search in his pants for some Jewish cock if she's in search of something.
Howard played some of the Wrap Up Show discussions from yesterday. Here's some of what Howard played:
Jon said Howard didn't seem to get where Robin was coming from. Jason said he doesn't know what Robin is searching for but he wants to know what the truth is. She's not being honest to herself or to the audience. He said that she's saying that it's spiritual and that's bull. He said she's doing this to ''cleanse'' her body. He said there is something there about her thinking that she's dirty inside and she's trying to cleanse it.
Ralph said that Howard started with the TM thing when he was like 15 and it's not like what Robin is doing searching and searching. He said Robin can't sit still and there is something wrong there. He said that she's not in either one of her homes for more than 2 minutes. Ralph said she gets into things and she's really high on them for like 2 minutes. He said she does them all and then gets sick of them. He said there's something mentally wrong with that. Ralph said she just takes off to Peru spur of the moment.
Jason said she's not just doing something wild. He said she's doing things that can change her life forever. He said it's pretty major stuff.
Ralph said he thinks that she likes the attention she gets from it all. He said that she's crazy. He said he loves her but he feels bad for her. There is no calmness for her.
Gary said they have a clip of someone trying to say Beth's last name and he's unable to say it. Howard said that's another thing that he told her. It's not an easy name.
Howard played that clip and said he'd just be Beth Stern. The news guy was having a really hard time trying to say her last name. He called her something like ''Or-tort-ski.''
The caller asked Howard why he would give Ronnie such a hard time about not being able to say he loves his girlfriend. Howard said he just found it odd that he was like a kid in second grade. He said he seems kind of immature. Howard said it's weird that he doesn't use the ''L-word.'' He just thought that would be interesting to bring to the audience.
Howard said he's told Beth she has to be more active in this name thing and tell people what it actually is. He said he can't get a clear answer from her though.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he has to stop with the lies about not knowing what shows his wife is on. Howard said he really doesn't know and he's not lying about it. Howard said he's not lying about it. He called the guy a fucknut and the guy gave him a ''fuck you'' right back.
Howard said Richard and Sal have a new phony phone call with Seth Rogen clips and Maria Menounos clips and pranked a woman on a Jack and Rod Show. In the clip they were speaking to an author about her book and had Seth and Maria clips as stoners that they were trying to get straightened out. They had Seth and Maria laughing with their strange laughs and responding to the woman like they don't care that they're addicts.
Howard said they can't get anywhere with those stoners. Fred threw in a few more of Maria's laugh clips. Howard took a call from a guy who said since Howard left radio the stations are taking guys with no skills and they're killing it. Howard said radio doesn't know what to do and they want a quick answer. They think they can put people with name recognition on the air and get ratings. That doesn't work. He said they want people to be radio talent but it's not that easy. He said it's a lot more difficult than TV. Howard said it's just weird.
Howard said he doesn't see a farm team out there on terrestrial radio. The caller said the stupid bit that Nick Cannon was doing really is an old thing. Howard said Nick thinks that he's just some old guy but this guy is doing an old bit that was in radio when he started out. It was lame back then and it's lame now.
Howard said he thinks there's a lot of shitty talent out there. He said these guys want to go out in small markets and have a show like theirs. He said you have to do a little bit here and a little bit there. He said when he first started out they didn't let him just talk. He had to play music and do bits and stuff.
Howard said these people want to go on radio and be them and they end up just bombing out. The caller said he does radio but he's doing it in smaller markets. He said he's been doing it for 5 years now and he grew up listening to Howard. He said he strives to do good shows but then they bring in the syndicated guys and they just kill it. Howard said he thinks there's still a place for guys like him.
Howard said he thinks there's more slots in major league baseball than there is for radio guys. Howard said he went and auditioned in Hartford for a crazy morning man and he just did the lamest shit. He said he just started to figure it out but it takes a long time to do that. He said you can't just win everyone over right away.
Howard said the thing to do today is to just bash Obama saying that he wasn't born here. He said that's what people seem to want to hear these days. Howard said he wasn't really trying to beat up Nick Cannon. He was just trying to let him know the bit was lame. Howard said if you want to be a radio person there you just become a receptionist at Sirius. He said that they had a receptionist there and she's on a morning show there now. Howard said anyone can have a radio show there. He said you should see what goes on around there. It's kind of a bummer for him. He said anyone can do radio. He said that girl Nicole does a really good job. He said maybe he just sucked for so long that he doesn't know what it's like.
Howard said one of the DJs there had a meltdown on the air about the equipment. Howard played that clip and this woman Lynn was freaking out about how she didn't know why she had to put up with this shit. She told them to get it working by tomorrow or she's finished there. She said she had nothing to say. Lynn said she wanted to know what was going on and wanted to hear from some people there about what the problem is. Howard said he doesn't think anyone really cares. Howard got some laughs out of that.
Howard asked who Jake and Dave Garub were and why they weren't helping her out. Howard said it's so bad when you can't get help there. He said that people will be upset that her show isn't being heard properly but they'll get around to it when they can. Howard said she can just put in a suggestion in the suggestion box there. Lynn was complaining about how Rosie O'Donnell can get stuff fixed but she can't. Howard asked if Lynn gets why she doesn't get the attention but Rosie O'Donnell does.
Wheels said he was almost crying laughing yesterday when Gilbert Gottfried was on the show. Howard said he loves that Groucho impression he does. Howard said he has a weird thing going on with Gilbert. He said when the guests leave the cameras follow them. Last time Gilbert was there he started spitting on the cupcakes they eat there. Howard said it was really disgusting and the staff looks forward to eating them. He said it was gross and not that funny. He said this time he left and there were no cupcakes. He just started spitting everywhere. He said he must really be angry with him on some level. He said it's like spitting on him and very disrespectful. He said he didn't spit on The View.
Gary said he saw what was going on and the spit was really gross. He said the spit had color in it. He said Tim was livid about it. They had to call a special cleaning crew to come in and clean it up. Howard said that's horse shit. He said a woman had to come in and clean it up with special gloves. He said you have to feel some compassion for those people. He said it just wasn't cool of him to do that. Howard let Wheels go after that and then went to break.
Howard came back and said that was Phoebe Snow who just died yesterday. He let that song play for a short time. Howard said that Leslie West emailed him and told him that Phoebe really loved being on the show. He had a lot of memories about her. Meg Griffin had some stories too. He said Meg would talk to Phoebe and her daughter on the phone many times. Howard said Phoebe always came out and performed for them on his birthday shows. He said she had a tough life. He said her daughter had some severe afflictions and Phoebe spent her whole life dealing with that. She walked away from show business to do that. He said that she had a bond with her daughter that was second to none.
Howard said he thinks that Phoebe died of a broken heart because she was lost without her daughter. Howard said they took her out to dinner one night and she was beside herself that her daughter had died. She died in her 30s and Phoebe's whole purpose was that daughter.
Howard said he saw Phoebe performing that night and it was the most powerful thing he had seen. He said that they took her out to dinner a couple of weeks later and heard her stories. He said she had a hard time with all of that. Howard said Phoebe's big song was ''Poetry Man'' so he played some of that. He said he heard that she wrote the song about Jackson Browne but she never admitted to it. Howard said she took that secret to the grave.
Howard said they had a guy call into the show when he wanted to jump off a bridge. He said he took responsibility for saving the guy and had Phoebe write a song for him. She jumped right in and did that. He played some of that song too.
Howard said Phoebe did some other stuff for the show and he could call on her for just about anything. He played another song she did for them where she sang about Howard writing a sequel to his first book. Howard said Leslie West performed with Phoebe on the show. He played some of that too. They got to do that a couple of times on the show. He said they wouldn't even rehearse. It would just happen.
Howard said this is a white, Jewish woman. He said people thought she was black. He said she had some features that made people think she was black. She was kind of olive colored. Howard said her real last name was Laub. He said she changed her name after she saw a sign somewhere. Howard played those songs and said that Kim Cattrall will be in next. He went to break after that.
Howard said he likes Kim's hair style too. He said he likes the short hair. She said she likes Howard's short too.
Howard asked Kim about the Sex and the City movies and if she was holding up the second one with asking for more money. She said that it wasn't her. She said that it was the money that all three of them were making. She said that the negotiation was tough. She said HBO got them cheap and they were contracted to 6 years. Kim said she was the one who spoke up and asked for more money. She said she's 10 years older than the other girls so she was the one who spoke up. She said she wasn't set for life and she wanted to be set for life. Kim said she fought for it. She said she wishes that Sarah had fought for it. She said that they never discussed it. Kim said she respects that though.
Kim said the good ending was that they made the movie. She said they didn't even have a script when they were doing the negotiations in the first place. Howard asked if they threatened to replace her. She said they didn't but she figured they could have tried it. She said she told them that they couldn't have done it without her though.
Howard asked Kim if she lost any friends because of it. She said she didn't and it actually made it better.
Howard said he liked the Sex and the City movies and people call him gay for that. Kim seemed to like that and applauded him for admitting that.
Kim said she works in theater and you really can't make a living doing that. She said she was paying her rent and didn't want to go back to waitressing. She said she had to do something that would pay her rent so she did the movie ''Porky's.'' Kim said she was offered the movie and she was told it would change the way people perceive her. She said she had to do it because she couldn't pay her rent. She said she remembers driving her car one day and she saw a huge poster for Porky's and her name was the first one listed. She said she let out a scream when she saw that.
Howard said she must have thought it was going to be the end of her career. She said she's known and praised for it now. Kim said people thought it was going to ruin her career. She said she was told it was stupid and things like that.
Kim told Howard about being born in Liverpool and how she started acting when she was 11. She said she was a chubby little girl back then. She said that she became the hot chick after doing Porky's. She said she wasn't hot.
Kim said that it's still difficult to get a date for her today. She said she has been married three times though. Howard said the guys must not have known how to fuck her. He said she has been quoted as saying the sex wasn't good. She said she wrote a book (Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm) and wrote about that in there. She said that she was the one who was afraid to ask for what she needed. She didn't know what she needed. She told Howard that she had to do a nude scene once and she couldn't do it as ''Kim'' but after reciting some lines for her character she was able to do it. People will tell her they've seen her naked and she'll tell them that they didn't see her, they saw her character.
Howard asked Kim about being married to Pierre Trudeau and what happened with that. She said they were both very busy and it just fizzled. Howard said she dated Bruce Willis too. She said she did not. She said that's a myth.
Howard asked about the three divorces she had and she said it was two divorces and one annulment. She explained that and told Howard that she didn't have any kids but she did want to. Kim said she kept saying that she would do it but eventually realized that it wasn't going to happen.
Howard asked what movie she's in there to promote. She said that it's called ''Meet Monica Velour'' and it's about a 1970s porn star. She told Howard about what the movie is about and how it's about outcasts. She said the people you expect to see naked in it don't get naked. She said that you do get to see Brian Denehey's ball sack and ass. Howard said he's always wanted to see that.
Howard gave Kim some plugs for the movie and said that Kim will be answering questions at the movie. It's being shown there in the city at the Beekman Theater.
Howard asked Kim why she got upset with the production company. She said the movie did great at a film festival last year and she knew that it would show that she can do more than just be Samantha. Kim said she was very busy last year doing stuff and the window for this movie was right. Kim said this movie came out and got a great review but the company had no money for advertising. She said she did every show she could and did an opening for the movie in L.A. and there were no ads for it. She said she got angry because they pulled the movie on a night where friends were going to see it. She said they had no advertising so no one came. She said the day before they pulled it they were up by 192 percent and they could have been the number one independent movie. She said she called them and asked what she could do. She said it was the movie theaters that pulled it and not the production company. Kim said they found her a theater and she offered to do anything to get it going. Howard said she will have a packed house if she has sex with the audience. She said she's willing to talk about sex. Howard said he's never seen her like this. He said she's very passionate.
Kim said she shot the movie 3 years ago and she has lost a lot of weight since then. She had gained 20 pounds for the movie. She said she loved gaining it. Howard asked how her ass looks naked. She said she likes it. Howard asked if she has cellulite. She said every woman has cellulite. Howard said he had it in his 20s. Kim said she did too.
Howard asked Kim when she last had sex. She said she can't remember. Howard said he heard that the kid who did a sex scene with her in the movie got a boner and she got upset with a reporter asking about it. Kim said that never happened. She said that she did get upset when she was asked about it. She said it was trivializing the movie and she didn't like that. Howard said it's a good story to get out there. He said it's promotion for the movie. He said giving a kid a boner should be embraced. Kim said he's right and she should have just gone with it.
Howard asked Kim about the kid getting a boner and if he said it then maybe it's true. Kim said she thinks he said it as a joke and it didn't happen. Howard said she got upset about it when she asked about it. She said she did.
Howard asked Kim if she was ever approached to do the casting couch type of thing. Kim said she had that. She told Howard about how this guy Sam Spiegel, who was very gross, had auditioned her. Kim said that he told her to come over to his desk and put his hands behind her and tried to put his tongue in her mouth. She said she ran out of the room and got into her car. She said her agent was driving and asked her what she did. She said she didn't play into it. Kim said she got an invitation to go to San Francisco with him even after that. Howard asked how she goes on after that. She said she knows that it exists so she just deals with it.
Howard asked Kim if she's a multi millionaire. She said she's not but she's set for life if she plays it smart. She said that she has properties and mortgages. Howard asked if she's upset that Sarah Jessica Parker is so much richer. She said she's really not. She said that she has some life left in her and she's not done. Howard said she looks good and she doesn't look all pulled back. Kim said she has some botox in there but that's about it.
Kim said there are people who are really against you getting old and they're filled with rage. She said that it's really bad. Howard said it's tough getting older and older when people don't come up to her like they used to. She said she still gets that. Kim said people are looking at her face to see if she's had work done. Howard said he hasn't heard a word she's said. He said she looks a lot like Michelle Pfeiffer.
Howard asked how long she's been alone now. She said she has been on her own for a while now. She said that she likes to read. Howard asked what she does to get the poison out. She said she takes care of herself in many ways.
Robin asked what happened to the agent who asked what she did with that Sam guy. She said she got rid of her eventually. Kim said that the agents work for you and not the other way around. Howard got a picture of Sam Spiegel and said he was gross looking.
Howard gave Kim some more plugs for the movie and asked if they get to see tittie. She said you don't but you get to see more interesting things. She said she did a scene where she has this big belly and she's looking in the mirror shaking her belly fat. She has another scene where she has her legs open with underwear on and she dips a Twinkie in some wine and eats it. Howard asked if she's heard from Sarah Jessica Parker or any of the other girls. She said she hasn't. Howard said it seems like they don't like her. Kim said she doesn't think that's what it is. Howard said he has never seen her so fired up about a role. Kim said she did send out invitations but no one called her. Howard said they're not supporting her. She said that Charlotte lives in L.A. and they all have lives so they can't all make it.
Howard said show business is tough. Even Darren Starr didn't come to see the movie. Howard asked if Sarah asked her to go see a movie she'd be there. Kim said she was there for The Morgans movie. She supports Sarah in everything she does. Howard put the word out that this isn't cool for Sarah not to show up. He said she's a woman that worked with her and told her to put aside her differences and go to the movie. Howard said they should all support each other. Kim said he's right.
Howard said he and his audience will support her. He gave her some plugs and told everyone go to see the movie from Friday through Thursday at the Beakman theater.
Howard asked Kim who she's hanging with these days. He asked if she's hanging with Pee Wee Herman. She said she's not. She said she hangs with Michael Stipe. She said he has a new album out and they made a film for each song. She said he's still doing movies and stuff too. Howard said he doesn't get how she doesn't have a man. She said they're terrified. Howard said he's not. Kim said most guys her age are married or terribly damaged. Howard said he's both. Howard gave Kim some more plugs and wrapped up with her a short time later.
Howard came back and said his wife just stopped by. Howard said Kara DioGuardi is there too. Beth managed to get a dog in there. She told Howard they have a huge adopt-a-thon going on at North Shore Animal League today. The dog was a Basset Hound mix. She said the dog is really good too. She said that people thought it was a stuffed animal in her bag. It's only 10 weeks old and it'll be available this weekend. She said the dog's name is Duncan. Howard said it's so sad with these dogs. Beth said the adult dogs are the sad story.
Howard asked Beth what her name is. She said it's Beth Stern. Howard said he saw them talking about her being Beth Ostrosky Stern. He thinks it should be Beth Stern. Beth said that's fine. It's done. Beth said she should legally change it. Howard said he thought she did. She still has Beth Ostrosky on her license. Howard said she has to tell people that she's Beth Stern. She said she will do that on Good Day New York today. She'll do the same on LX this afternoon. Howard said that's what she should do. He told her he loves that dog. He told her to wear a name tag too.
Howard said Beth is one of the hottest Jewish women in the world too. He said she's not even Jewish. He told the guys to take a picture of the dog and put it on Twitter. He said as soon as someone sees him they'll adopt him.
Howard said Kara wrote songs for years and then the put her on Idol in a bikini. She said she was told not to wear a white one. She said that she was so nervous she peed in her bikini. Howard said he loves that. He asked if the bikini was wet. She said it was a little. She was afraid that they'd see it on the dress she wore too.
Howard told her to tell him she defecated in the bikini and he'll marry her now. She said she didn't do that.
Howard asked Kara if American Idol was bad because she took such a beating on the show. He said he was even calling her names. Kara said it was like she broke up the Beatles. Kara said she never got to voice who she was and they never told people who she was. She said she sat on the couch in the back of the studio and got coffee for artists when she was behind the scenes.
Howard said they could have orchestrated her in a better way for the show. He said she's actually written hit songs that have been on the top of the charts. She said it's like 40-50 songs and she's sold like 150 million songs. Howard said they didn't introduce her right on that show.
Kara said it was hard reading the blogs and watching the show. She said that even she was annoyed with herself on the show when she'd watch it. She said she was nervous and trying to fit in on the show because they had a chemistry already. Howard asked if she just didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Kara said she was always negative and she would tee Simon up. Howard
Howard asked if Kara dislikes Simon. She said she really doesn't dislike him. She said she respects him and she thinks that he helped her out on the show.
Howard asked Kara about the songs she's written and if she has made millions. She said she has done very well and she owned her own catalog from the beginning. Kara said she figured she could get out of all of that because she made so much from the songs. She said she made more doing that than working on Idol.
Howard had a list of her hit songs that she wrote. He was going to read them but he asked her how she knows they're paying her the right amount. Kara said she audits the record companies. She said she's the only one who had them audited and they had over paid her so she had to send back some money. She said it was EMI that had overpaid her. Kara said that she registers her songs and if you don't then the companies don't know to pay you. She said that a lot of artists don't know that. Howard said he feels bad for the guys in the bands who write songs but can't sing them. He asked if that's the worst part in her profession. She said she wanted to sing but she hates performing.
Kara said her father pushed her as a kid and she had stage fright. She said she was a perfectionist and she wanted to love what she did. She said she didn't like it and it was tough for her. Howard asked if she ever sings her own songs. She said she was doing some shows singing the songs and telling the stories about them and that's what led to her writing her book.
Howard asked what her favorite song is. She said she loves ''Sober'' which is one that Pink did. Howard had her sing some of that. Kara did it no problem. Howard asked if she ever gets upset that she didn't sing it. She said she doesn't think that. Kara said she just thinks that she loves that bitch Pink. Kara said she met Pink so they could write songs together. She said they met once and things were awkward. Then a year later she met with her and wrote some songs. She said Pink is great and writes some great songs on her own. Kara said she talked about what happened the first time and they cleared the air on that. She said they had some wine and she was ready to go. She said Pink can drink more than her and they were playing drunken tennis. She said they threw lines back and forth making them up as they went along. She said they already had a track and a title and they wrote backwards from that. Kara said she was so drunk that she had to pull over and nap on the side of the road that night.
Kara told Howard about the song and how she thinks that Pink is the most talented person she's ever met. She said she went in and sang the song and nailed it after a few tries. She said she's never seen anything like it. Kara said she was jumping around yelling and screaming kissing the producer and Pink said she's nuts. Kara said she loves her life even after taking all of the abuse on Idol. She said she is a record exec at Warner Brothers and she goes out and discovers people.
Howard said Kara can make someone's career. Kara said she's trying to keep the music industry going. She said they need a good gate keeper.
Howard asked Kara if she's married. She said she is and his name is Mike. She said he's a great guy. She said that he's great and he's like operations in the house. She said he's very supportive of her. He works too. She said that he's doing a job so she pays him. Howard asked what she pays him. He wanted to know what kind of money she has to pay him. She said that he has his own money so she doesn't have to give him money to go out and buy things. Howard asked if he has access to her money. She said he doesn't. They don't have a joint account or anything.
Howard asked if she's going to have a kid. She said she might adopt. She said she's having plenty of sex but no kids. She said she's tried IVF but that hasn't worked. She said that trying to have a kid while on a live TV show is impossible. Howard said the In Vitro thing is hard too. Howard asked where they shoot that stuff. She said it's into your stomach. Howard wanted to see where she shoots it but she wasn't going to show him.
Howard played some of a Christina Aguilera song that Kara wrote. It was very tough to write according to Kara. Howard said she must need to get together with people who have clout and can make a song big. She said that is something that has to happen. She wrote ''Walk Away'' by Kelly Clarkson. Howard played some of that too. She said she co-wrote that and did it in about a half hour. Kara said that song is about a really bad relationship she was in.
Howard asked Kara if it's tough having hit songs when no one knows who you are. She said it's not about that. She said she just wanted to be able to pay the bills and make a living. She said that was her primary goal.
Howard asked Kara who approached her to do the show. She said it was the producers. Howard said that Simon kind of reduced her on the show but meanwhile she's doing more than Simon ever did.
Howard asked Kara who has wrecked her songs. She said she can't say anyone wrecked her songs. Howard asked what songs she has liked that should have made it. Kara said some people running the labels pick the wrong song for an artist. She said that Faith Hill was one of them and they picked a song that she wrote that didn't fit her market.
Howard said Kara is a very attractive woman. He asked if she had it all going on in high school. She said she wasn't writing songs back then. She did have a boyfriend. She had sex at 15 for the first time. She did it for the boyfriend and didn't do it again until she was 19.
Howard gave Kara a plug for her book ''A Helluva High Note: Surviving Life, Love, and American Idol'' and said she'll be signing books at Book Soup in Huntington, New York.
Howard asked Kara about getting molested by a record company guy when she was 28 or 29. She went in to sell some songs and some guy, that she didn't name, molested her. Kara said she didn't name him because it isn't about the one guy. This kind of thing happens. She said she ran into the guy the next night and said ''I know what you did to me.'' He told her ''You wanted it baby.''
Howard said that Kara was also molested by a family friend at 11. This guy got her alone and touched her in inappropriate places. Kara went to her mother about it and her mother basically ignored it. Kara said her mother was very catholic and very repressed. She said that her parents never had sex until she was in her 20s. She said she talked about this with her mother when she was sick. Kara said that she forgave her. She said her mom said she just wasn't strong enough and she was sorry. Kara said it was one of her close friends so it was a bad situation. Howard asked Kara why she has the strength. Kara said you have to forgive and move on or it will eat you alive.
Howard asked Kara about the record company guy. Kara said she said that to the producer and the guy she was with stood up to him too. She said that this producer had raped her. She said he seemed really nice. Kara said they went on a date and they went to dinner. She said at the end they went to her apartment and started kissing and whatever. She said that date rape is a very strange thing. She said that you don't realize it's happening to you because you're with someone you know. She said before she knew it she was frozen and saying ''no'' a million times but he kept pushing it. She said she's not sure if he finished. She said that it got awkward and he eventually stopped . He was pushing too hard and not taking no for an answer. She said the guy thought that's what she wanted. Kara said if the guy had admitted to what he did then she would have been fine. She said he just said ''You wanted it'' so that wasn't cool.
Howard asked Kara how long it took to go on another date and trust someone. She said that she got into relationships with people who she shouldn't have. She said that's why she used all of those things to write songs.
Howard asked if she thinks that every man is an animal after that. She said it makes it hard to be intimate. Kara said after you've been with someone for a while it's the intimacy that keeps you together. Howard said he likes the challenge. He said he has done that a few times in his life. He said that he sees it as a challenge and he nurses women back to health. Kara said she wished she had known that.
Howard gave Kara some more plugs for her book and wrapped up with her. She said she will sign every autograph and take pictures with the fans. She said she'll even kiss the fans on the cheek. Howard said he had anal with all of his fans that bought his book.
Howard said Kara is going to be on a new TV show. Kara said that should be good. Howard asked what's wrong with Paula Abdul. Kara didn't have anything bad to say about her. She said she gets why she was upset that they brought in a fourth judge on the show. Kara said she just saw her a few weeks ago and they were fine. Howard asked if Simon knew that she was going to be on the show. She said that Simon did but Paula and Randy didn't.
Howard asked if she believes that Paula has never taken any drugs. Kara said that she doesn't know what she's been on other than pain pills for her back. Howard said that Kara got high on pot brownies at Paula's house and Paula claims she didn't know that they were in there or who brought them. Kara said she believes that. She said no one knew what they were and they were in the freezer.
Howard asked Kara what the weirdest thing is she's done sexually. She didn't really answer but Howard guessed it was anal. Fred played some fart sounds and grossed her out. Fred played a bunch of different clips and Kara said it was like music to her ears.
Howard asked Kara how many songs she had to write before she got recognition. She said it was the Enrique Iglesias song she co-wrote with him. Kara told Howard how she got that job.
Howard said Kara got caught up in a fight between Lindsay Lohan and Ashlee Simpson and they were writing songs about it. Kara said she didn't want to be involved in that. She said that Ashlee got murdered on Saturday Night Live and she shouldn't have. She said that it was the drummer in the band that was supposed to do something and he's the one who ruined her career. She said that Ashlee got fucked 100 percent. That ruined it. She said there are defining moments that are hard to come back from and Ashlee is a good kid.
Howard played some more of the songs that Kara has helped write. Kara talked about how she got involved in some of the songs.
Kara told Howard about what Enrique Iglesias did to her once. She said that he was doing this Jingle Ball concert once and he asked her to sing backgrounds for him. She said she would do it and she went up and did it asking them to cut the mics because she didn't remember the lyrics. She said that she was in a wool coat while girls around her were singing in salsa outfits. She said she ran off the stage once and security stopped her thinking she was just a fan. Enrique pretended not to know who she was.
Howard said when Kara stood up to tell that story the Howard TV guys caught panties. Howard told the guys to play it for him. Kara had no idea what he was talking about.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Kara if she likes to have her ass spanked during sex. Howard asked if that's true. Kara said she likes her hair pulled sometimes. Howard asked if she's highly orgasmic. She said she doesn't know what that means.
Gary told Howard that they had the panties shot ready. The Howard TV guys showed it and Kara said they're a bunch of sickos in there. She said she's glad she wore panties today.
Another caller asked if they watched The Voice show last night. Robin said she saw it and it was interesting. No one else saw it.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Kara how hot she is and if she has ever tried cough medicine as a replacement for IVF. He said he won't go on too long about it because it's boring but he has a son thanks to that. He said that a nurse told them about it and he has a son to prove it. She said she may drink it just so she can get some sleep. Howard asked if she's a drug person. She said she never really was. She smoked pot when she was young but not anymore.
Howard asked Kara about getting liposuction. She said that was a dumb thing to do. She said she got the fat sucked out of her knees. She said that her binge eating was gone after spending 5 grand on that.
Howard asked Kara if she likes the new American Idol. She said she likes Steven Tyler. She said that she told the producers to call him. Howard said that Steven told him that it was him that got him on there. Kara said she knew Steven from writing a song with him. She said she got a call from a friend who had Steven in the car once and he came over to meet her. She said Steven is so open and smart and nice. She said he played Dream On in her living room. She said that he's an icon and she saved the pizza he ate in her living room.
Howard asked if she likes J-Lo. She said she has a hit now and she's relevant. She said that it was a great experience for her when she was on.
Howard asked if she's worked with Britney Spears. She said she has. Howard asked if she's worth over 100 million. She said not quite. Howard said that she owned her own catalog and sold it a few years ago. Howard asked what they paid for it. She didn't say but when Howard asked if it was 50 million she started to hum a song. Howard asked if she has a pre-nup. She hummed again. She asked if her time was up. Howard said it is up and tried to take another call but the guy hung up.
Howard gave Kara some more plugs and started to wrap up with her. Howard said Kara was a very good person and took care of her mother for the last few years of her life. She took care of her while she was dying. Kara said that was the best thing she's ever done. Kara said she really likes Howard and she knew it when she read that Rolling Stone article. She said she likes people who face their shit. Howard said he thinks he turns her on. Kara said she's so in love with him if he's going to help her sell books. Howard said he will help. He gave her some more plugs and mentioned that her dad was a congressman. He said he didn't have time to get to that. Howard said the panty shot was the best. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They spent a minute talking about Beth coming in and about Nick Cannon. That led to Howard giving Nick more advice and told him not to be so defensive. Howard said he's the greatest thing to ever hit the medium and he should listen to him. Howard said the fans can smell a bullshit artist when he's saying he's giving out his home phone number and he's not. Howard said he should be defensive when he's number 1... no, make that the top 5... or the top 10. He's not there yet.
Jon ran down some more stuff after that and Howard realized what a long show they had today. He thanked Jon for reminding him what day it was.
Robin started her news with a story about a guy who drove off the rim of the Grand Canyon and survived. Howard said he's seen it and he can't imagine how he survived. Robin said the guy was 21 but his name hasn't been released. She said he had a non life threatening injury. The car ended up lodged against a tree about 200 feet below the road. Robin said the guy got himself out of the car and climbed back up to the rim to get help.
Howard said they got a new guy to do the Aflac duck. He played a quick clip of that. Howard said it sounded okay to him.
Robin asked Howard if his wireless network is locked. Howard said Jeff Shick did lock it down for him. Robin said she thinks her's has locked her out of her own network. Robin said that there has been an episode where the FBI raided a computer and found child porn on it and it turned out it was actually the neighbor who had downloaded it on an open network. Robin said they say it's important to lock your network down.
Howard said they have a World's Saddest Listener contest coming up this week. He said that's a big contest with a $10,000 prize. He said that Asian Pete will be a judge for that.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she saw Beth on Good Day New York and the dog was drooling on her boob. She said it was very funny. Howard said he heard that Regis is saying that he hasn't been watching Babysitter porn on his computer. Regis lives in the same building as Howard so Howard joked that maybe logged on to his network.
Mariann told Robin she's playing Russian Roulette with the stuff she's doing in Peru. Howard said that show is going to be on Howard TV very soon.
Robin said that Prince is trying to get a law passed that will stop people from covering his songs. He doesn't want people remaking his hits. Howard said he thinks the guy is a genius but he's also an asshole. Howard wondered if he has a point there though. He said he'd have to think it through.
Howard said he saw Hanson on Dancing with the Stars and they did a couple of cover versions of songs and he liked it. He didn't like their stuff so much but the covers were good. He got back to Prince and said that he has covered songs too so he's not sure why he's so mad.
Gary said he had a news story. He said Obama released his birth certificate and he has some tape to go along with it. Gary said that Donald Trump got off a plane and took credit for it immediately. Howard played that clip and Trump said it was all because of him that the birth certificate was released.
Howard said that Prince also covered the Foo Fighters ''Best of You'' at the Super Bowl. He said the guy is against covers but he has done them. It doesn't make sense. He went to break after that.
During the break Howard found out that Brian Phelan wanted the puppy Beth brought in earlier. Howard sent her a text letting her know. Brian said he has 3 kids and Howard wasn't so sure that was the best place for a 10 week old puppy. Brian said it'll be fine.
After the break Robin came back and read some news about Donald Trump and Robert De Niro's war of words over the Obama thing. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about how De Niro isn't the brightest bulb in the world. Howard said that's how you know he's not running for president. He's just trying to be entertaining and he's not seriously running. Robin had some audio of Chris Rock talking about Trump running for President and how he has enough ex-wives to vote him in. Howard said that interview with Oprah and Chris was great. Howard said Chris is so funny. He said he was thanking Oprah for his career though and he doesn't have to do that. He wishes he hadn't said that. Howard also talked about the HBO special that Chris was on with Louis CK, Jerry Seinfeld and Ricky Gervais. Howard said the other guys wouldn't shut up and let Chris talk. He said it was very annoying.
Robin said that Oprah is going to be ending her show soon. Howard said they almost ended their show too. He said they'll be cutting back on the number of shows they're doing soon too. He said they could have been going off into the sunset like Oprah though.
Robin read about Michael Douglas talking about his wife being outed with her bipolar disorder by a fellow patient. Robin had some audio of Douglas talking to Oprah about that. Howard said he feels bad for the guy. He's being sued by his ex-wife and he has cancer on top of all of that. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about teachers not being able to talk about certain things in class. Robin said that teachers in Kentucky can lose their tenure if they talk about homosexuality in class. Howard said that's a little bit much. Howard said that won't work if they have a legitimate math question where they have gay guys in the equation. He gave Robin some examples of that kind of math.
Robin read about Katie Couric announcing that she's stepping down. She had some audio of her talking about that on the CBS Evening News.
Robin read about Congressman Ron Paul preparing to run for president. Howard said Brent from Bubba's show is behind him. Robin said that he made his announcement yesterday that he's going to run. He thinks that people will listen to his message more now than they did in 2008. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin read a story about the Space Shuttle crew getting ready to fly. She had some audio of Mark Kelly talking about his wife Gabrielle Giffords and how well she's been recovering. Howard said he's disgusted by the guy who shot that woman. He said she'll never be the same again.
Howard ended up talking about what's going on in Libya and said he's not sure why we're trying to help them. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about some bakers in England who are making the cakes for the royal wedding. Robin read some other news about the wedding and said that Tony Blair and his wife weren't invited because his wife refused to curtsy for the queen. Robin had some audio of some people talking about the wedding. Howard said they're going to have some coverage of the weeding on Friday morning from 5-7am on Howard 101. Gary said they're going to have some Wack Packers in there with Lisa G hosting. Big Foot, High Pitch Eric, Wendy the Retard and others will be involved.
Robin read about the NFL fighting the ban on the lockout and how they're not letting the players practice. Robin had some audio of some players talking about that.
Robin read about Lindsay Lohan's appearance on The Tonight Show last night. She had some audio of Lindsay talking about how she's trying to get her life back on track. JD came in and said he thinks they filled the audience with Lindsay Lohan fans. Howard said they should have arrested them all. He said maybe they stood up for her to put their hands on their wallets.
Robin read about Jodie Foster talking about how Mel Gibson is the most beloved actor in Hollywood. Robin read some quotes from her and she was saying that his behavior isn't what he's all about. Howard said he's second only to Charles Manson. He said she must be delusional. Maybe she's taking that Ayahuasca.
Robin read about Vin Diesel returning to the movies. She had some audio of him talking about that but Howard cut it off and ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon said they're going to talk about the Gilbert Gottfried spitting thing. Gary said Tim was very upset by that so they should get him in there. He said he said that Gilbert is never coming back there after that.
Jon said they had a couple of guests today and he wanted to start off with Kara DioGuardi. He said he knew he was a successful song writer. Gary said he did too but he didn't know how big those songs were. He said that she is very successful at writing them. Gary said he had no idea who the fuck she was until he saw the notes from her book. He said they never established her credibility on American Idol. Gary said he's not even sure what Randy does. Gary said that Kara has written a bunch of hit songs. Jon said she didn't even need American Idol.
Tim Sabean came in so Jon asked him about the spitting thing. Tim said it's a very amateur thing to do and it's disgusting. He said there are health issues there. Tim said they played him the tape and that lit him up. He said they had to have the walls and carpet washed down. He said it was an amateur move. Tim said he would have grabbed him and handed him a rag to clean the walls if he had seen him doing that. Tim said this is a professional environment and they can't let people do that.
Gary said Gilbert isn't doing that at the Tonight Show or at The View. Benjy asked if they asked him if he was going to spit again. Gary said he doesn't think so.
Tim said it's not healthy and it's very uncouth. He said he doubts that he'll be allowed back in the building. Tim said you can't do that and you'd never do that in someone's house. It was total disrespect for everyone there.
Jon asked Tim about Robin's trip and what he thinks. Tim said it blows his mind. He said he can see going to Peru but not doing what she did. He said he just doesn't understand that. Gary said he doesn't get why she'd do something that might not be so healthy when you're trying to be healthy. Jon said she was making an excuse for it being medicinal. Gary said that's like medicinal marijuana. He said it's pot if you don't use it for medicinal purposes.
Gregg Karmel came in and told the guys about what happened with Gilbert. He said Gilbert was the one who brought up the cupcakes. He said that he showed him where they usually are but they weren't there so Gilbert started spitting.
Benjy said maybe Gilbert thought it was funny the last time. Gregg said he was laughing but it was just because it was so outrageous. He said he has this sick, maniacal laugh that makes you laugh. Gary said the spit had color too and it was gross. They went to break after that.
Jon said that Kara had mentioned Ronnie for some reason during the interview. Ronnie came in and said that he had greeted her outside the compound and she was very friendly. He said they started talking and she took his picture off the wall and took that into the green room with her. He said she was kind of nervous to go in with Howard so she was looking to do a bit or something. He said it was like she was looking for a confidence thing. He said he didn't do anything to help that. He'd rather see her go in nervous.
Ronnie said Kara was saying she heard that he had a 27 year old girlfriend and stuff. He said that he saw her laying on the couch in the green room and she gave him a better view than Benjy got. He said it was all open. He said that she's a very beautiful woman too.
Jon said that Ronnie is a huge Idol fan. He's been watching it since the beginning. Ronnie said he told her he thought they made her look like an idiot on that show. Benjy asked how she knew that he was dating a 27 year old. Gary said someone must have told her. It turns out it was Gary.
Ronnie brought up the Gilbert thing and someone did mention the cupcakes and asked him if he was going to spit on them again. Ronnie said he saw there was nothing there and he let some spit drip out. Then he spit on the floor and the walls as he was walking out. Ronnie said he's not sure who asked him about the cupcakes. Ronnie said he thinks that Gregg reminded him of the spit thing and if he hadn't he probably wouldn't have done it.
Gary said if he had seen him doing that he would have told him it's not cool. Ronnie said he didn't know what to do at that point.
Jon got back to Kara and talked about her singing and the guys were impressed with that even though they didn't all like the kind of songs she sings. Gary said she's really attached to her songs too. Jon wondered if she's okay being the co-writer. Gary said she says yes. He said she could put out her own record at this point but she doesn't seem interested in that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Kara looked good. Gary said she's hot. He said there's a naked picture of her in Allure magazine. He said her body is in pretty good shape.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he has two people to comment on. He said he has something good to say about Ronnie. He started off with Robin though. He said Robin is doing a lot of things in her life so when she turns 80 she can look back and think about everything she did. He said she's just living her life. Gary asked the guy if she had gone down and died doing that thing in Peru. The caller said that would be bad. He said it's dangerous but he's defending her ''search'' for whatever it is she's searching for. Gary said she could die doing that thing too. The caller said there are a lot of things you could die from. Gary said there are ways of increasing your odds and doing things that may not be necessary.
Ronnie told the guy to say the good thing about him already. The caller said that Ronnie made a comment about his girl maybe not loving him. He said everyone is talking about this girl and theoretically she might be in this thing to get this exposure. He doubts that though. Gary said that would mean she's after Ronnie's fame. If she was looking for fame she'd be going after someone more famous. The caller said he doubts that but he's thinking that maybe Ronnie has low self esteem issues. He said that might be the doubt. Ronnie said it was something that went on with his father that he talked about yesterday.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's sick of Ronnie taking all of this crap from people. He said they have to lay off of him. He said he thinks that Robin is nuts though. He said she's nuts, straight up. Gary said he worries about stuff like that and it scares him that she did that.
Jon asked Ronnie what he thinks about Beth's name and Howard wondering why she's not going by Beth Stern. Ronnie said he knows he has her already so he doesn't think it really bothers him. Gary said he thinks he is bothered by it. Gary said he likes that his wife took his name. He said he was glad that he didn't have to explain to his friends why his wife wasn't taking his name.
Jon asked Ronnie if he would be upset if Stephanie didn't take his name if they got married. Ronnie said it wouldn't but he won't have to worry about that. They went to break a short time later.
Jon and Gary talked about how she's trying to get out and do some serious roles instead of that role she had on Sex and the City. They talked about the story she told about the gross producer that hit on her and tried to jam his tongue down her throat. Gary said that a lot of people don't bring up names but she had no problem doing that.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that the girls from Sex and the City don't get along. Gary said it's hard to get a read on that. He's read some things about it and it's not clear what the relationship is. Jon said she was saying that even if they don't have a bad relationship the press likes to play it up like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Robin was getting on them about drinking more than a couple of drinks to get drunk and then she goes down and does that Ayahuasca thing. Gary said that Robin went with a licensed Shamen and did it as a spiritual thing so that's okay. Gary said he was being sarcastic with that. Benjy said he thinks that if anyone else on the show had done that Robin would have said it's ridiculous. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how Gary wasn't there first thing in the morning. He was running late. Howard said that's very suspicious. Robin said that's very unlike him. Howard said he'll just dock some pay. Jason said that Gary called and said he's running a few minute late. He should be there soon. Jason thought JD had told him he was late. Howard said he did know he had called.
Howard said he did a photo shoot with Sal this morning. He brought his gear in and took some pictures. Robin said she heard that Jason has the same camera. Howard said his pictures are better than they were. He said that the cameras are so powerful. He said that the pictures are so detailed compared to film. He said it's like looking at a high def TV show.
Howard said it was hard getting into the mood with Sal. He said he has been reading Annie Liebovitz's book (A Photographer's Life: 1990-2005) and he likes that. He said she's a brilliant woman. He said anyone can run around taking pictures but she's different. Howard said Annie was there when Nixon resigned. He said a bunch of people took pictures but she hung around and waited when everyone else left. He said she took a shot of the three marines that rolled up the red carpet that Nixon walked on. Howard said that's a very interesting picture to him. She had some cool pictures of Hunter S. Thompson too. Howard said they're not necessarily great pictures but they capture a mood. He said she's able to do what a reporter does with just a picture. Robin said they tell a story with a picture.
Howard said Annie was against working for American Express at first but she was hired to do some stuff and she got some great pictures in that. Robin said Howard won't be able to just hang out and take a picture. Howard said he will but he's not sure how he would do that. Robin didn't think it was going to happen.
Howard said Annie was working at Rolling Stone and Mick Jagger told her to come work for them while they were on tour. Howard said Annie thought about that and said she had to go do it even though she might not have a job if she wanted to go back to Rolling Stone. Howard said he admired that she went off with them. He said she had access to the Stones like you wouldn't believe. She was part of the scene. She got some great pictures but her favorite one was one after Mick Jagger would get off stage and he'd be wrapped up in towels after sweating on stage. Howard said she took a picture of him in an elevator and she thought it was the best one. Howard said he's looking at the picture and it is captivating. He said it's Mick Jagger and it's how you've never really seen him.
Howard said Annie got some great pictures of the band in concert but she wasn't even into that stuff. She talked about how dangerous it was to be in the crowd back then. They would surge forward and people would crush you. She didn't think it was very innovative for her photography either. Howard said she didn't think that all of her pictures were that meaningful but the stuff back stage is what she liked. Howard said she had one of Keith Richards that was pretty interesting. She had some OJ Simpson trial pictures too. He said she's done some weird stuff over the years too so she talks about that in her book.
Howard said her book is a great book. Gary gave him the book for his birthday or something. He said he was back shooting Sal in his office working. He said he turned off the lights and took some shots of him doing his thing. He wanted the glow of the computer to be in the pictures. He said he's going to be doing some more stuff this weekend with someone. He's not saying who it was. Howard said he will be unveiling some of these pictures in a show so the audience will be benefiting from his photography.
Robin said she got some of Howard's pictures. Howard said those are just pictures of his dog and cats. That's not his ''art.'' He said that would be like him taking a picture of Robin just sitting there. He said his work is shit.
Howard said someone told him to check out this one photographers work. He checked it out and this guy takes pictures of doors and shadows and stuff. He said that this is the stuff he throws out himself. Howard said some of it is bullshit but when it's Annie Liebovitz he pays attention. He said there was one shot of some people who looked like refugees behind a fence and it turned out to be Rolling Stones fans at the airport trying to get a look at the band.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked how he didn't know that Beth didn't change her name. Howard asked Bobo how he doesn't know that his hair looks fucking retarded. He said Beth told him she was thinking about changing her name but he wasn't sure she ever did it. Howard said he was sitting there with his wife talking to her about the new TV show she's doing and they named her as Beth Ostrosky. Howard said she's listed with different names all the time so he's not sure why that is. Howard said she's like Gaddafi with his many spellings. He said you don't know what he is. He said that's what his wife is like. Howard said she's never introduced as Beth Stern. He said he doesn't know what her name is.
Howard said Beth stopped in yesterday and asked about the name thing and Lisa G had already asked her about it. He said he wanted to hang himself when he heard that.
Bobo asked about the new 3 day work week they're going to be working. Howard said they have a 3 day work week next week but the week after it's going to be 4 days. He said they have a very complicated work schedule now. Howard said he could have retired. He said he figured that it would be best to cut back on the number of days.
Bobo told Howard he saved his life. He said he would have been totally devastated if he had left. Howard said he has saved his life many times. Howard said the toupee glue was seeping into his head and he told him to stop with that.
Howard let Bobo go and took another call. The caller said he heard the story about Lindsay Lohan getting a standing ovation. Howard said the world is really warped. He said he wishes her well but he's wondering why anyone would stand. Howard said that she was accused of stealing from a store. Howard said Jay Leno was congratulating her on the John Gotti movie she's supposed to be in. Howard said there is no movie. He said she's done nothing and there isn't even a script. He said there's no indication that the movie will ever be made. He said Stuttering John is in this thing with a guy who used to call the show. He said they don't have a movie and Jay is congratulating her on something that doesn't exist yet.
Howard said he's not sure how Jay Leno has a career. He said that he's never heard an interview like his. Howard talked about how the interview went and how scripted it all sounds. He said it sounds more like he's reading questions off a piece of paper and not doing a real interview.
The caller was also saying he's worried about Robin. Howard said Robin is doing it all man. The caller told Howard to be nice to Robin. Howard said he's always nice to Robin.
Howard pulled the clip of Jay Leno talking to Lindsay Lohan to show what a douche he is. Howard played the clip and Jay is talking about the ''exciting news'' about her getting signed to the Gotti movie. JD told Howard it was in a different clip. Howard said JD is doing a good job back there.
Howard played the other Leno clip where he introduces her and says she'll be playing Kim Gotti in this movie that doesn't exist yet. Jay had her talk about the part she'll be playing. Jay asked her how the whole deal came about. Robin and Howard pointed out there is no script yet. Lindsay explained how she was asked to come out and meet with some people who are going to be in the movie. Howard goofed on Jay about his awful acting abilities.
Howard said he can't take that fucking guy. He said he wants to take him and throw him off TV. He said when Trump becomes president and makes him head of the FCC then he'll throw Jay off TV. Howard said he's not going to ask Trump about that position until he announces he's running.
Howard said he could crack down harder on radio and the religious right would love him. He said that Robin wants Trump so he can legalize that stuff she did in Peru. Robin said that stuff is good for tourism in Peru so she wouldn't want it legal up here.
Howard said he's going to crack down so hard they won't be able to say doody or pee-pee on terrestrial radio. He said they won't even be able to say ''frak'' instead of fuck. He said they'll lose their license for that kind of thing. He said he's going to crack down like you won't believe.
Howard said radio will be so boring that satellite will go through the roof. He said he's going to be Commissioner Stern and he's going to fuck with the broadcasters. He said there's a new sheriff in town and he cares what kids hear. They're not going to hear anything other than Lady Gaga. He said that might be wrong too.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he heard that Charles McCord quit the Imus show. Howard didn't know about that. Howard said McCord is a lightweight and a nuisance. He said the guy was the biggest phony of them all. Howard said the guy was the deep voice guy who read the news. Howard said he tried to be friendly with everyone at NBC but the general manager told him to meet Imus even though Imus didn't want to meet with him. Howard said he didn't need that. Howard said they had him meet McCord instead. He said the guy is a snob and didn't want to meet him. Howard said the guy is a fucknut who reads the news. Howard said the guy should get off the air. He said when he becomes the FCC commissioner he's going to throw him off the air anyway.
Robin read about Imus having prostate cancer. Howard said of course he does. Howard said the kicker is that when he went to number 1 in the ratings at NBC he was at Al Rosenberg's kid's bar mitzvah and McCord became his best friend. He said he just told him to fuck off. He wanted nothing to do with the guy. Howard said Imus had a little ego but he doesn't get why McCord had a beef with him. The caller said he married his cousin too. Howard said any broadcaster who does that should be kicked off the air.
Howard said Imus is a miserable prick so McCord must have hated him. He said he would read his book if he wrote one about Imus. He said he wouldn't buy it, he'd steal it.
Robin brought up the Imus ranch too. He told Robin not to get him started on that. He said he can't stand the whole lot of them. The caller asked what he would do if Robin wanted to retire. Howard said he'd be devastated. He said Robin is great. He said that Charles McCord is a bore and he's just a robot. Howard said Charles should be at WINS or somewhere like that reading the news. Howard said Robin has a brain in her head and goes to Peru to take drugs. He said she's interesting, Charles is a bore.
Howard played some of the music Robin recorded down in Peru and asked if she recorded that on a camera. She said she did get it on an HD camera. She was standing on a balcony taking the video. Howard listened to some of that and said he wouldn't trust a balcony down there.
Howard said the whole birther thing is all about the color of Obama's skin. Howard said Hawaii wasn't a state of this country for very long. He said when you're born in Hawaii they have a process where they have a birth certificate but they give you a legal thing that shows where you were born. He said no Hawaiian has a birth certificate that they're talking about. Howard said the guy is a citizen of the United States but he has an abbreviated birth certificate. Howard said they wonder why he didn't find it earlier but the thing was buried in records. Howard said they have to stop the nonsense with this guy. Howard said they think he's Muslim too and that he's on a jihad. Howard said the people on FOX News are insane. That's why he watches them. He said he doesn't get his news from them. He just watches for fun.
Howard played a clip from FOX News that he said would sound like The Onion doing a report. He said you've never heard anything more moronic than this. In the clip they were picking apart the shot of the birth certificate saying it was Photoshopped and copied. Howard said this was just the preamble. It gets worse. They were saying they were going to keep digging and try to figure out if it's a real thing. They were also talking about how this should have been released earlier. They were talking about how they still don't know if he was really born in Hawaii. The reporters were going on and on wondering why he didn't release this document earlier.
Robin said she's sorry they ever produced anything. They got them to react. Howard said this is like OJ being innocent because they don't have tape of him committing the crimes. Howard said he doesn't get where this belief comes from that he's not a citizen. Robin said she was upset that they released the document. Robin said they just need a reaction to get into it more. It gets bigger and bigger and they're like children. Howard said it's a dumb conversation. He said it's like the abortion issue and we need abortion. He said that it's a great conversation piece for idiots. It's the same thing with this birther thing.
Robin said they should just say what they're really thinking and say that they don't want a black man for president.
Howard said he had audio of Pat Robertson talking about how abortion is something that Lesbians are trying to keep going. He explains how they can't have children so they're trying to stop other women from having children. He said it puts them on a level playing field. Howard said this guy is like your uncle with Alzheimer's. He said he doesn't make any sense. Howard said lesbians are having babies every day. He said the guy should read a newspaper. Howard said it's like Riley Martin believing in aliens. He said Riley can't get any money because it's aliens and not Jesus. He said Riley could be a billionaire if he just talked about Jesus.
Howard said he's not sure who these people are who give Pat Robertson money. He said it doesn't make sense. Howard said the guy comes out with all kinds of wild shit and people believe it. Robin said she thought he was going to be done when he ran for president saying he was on a mission from God and then didn't win. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he had Insane Clown Posse there. Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview first. Steve said they have a story about Ronnie Mund and a TV project he may have. He said he may have a part in a sitcom but he can't say what show it will be. Howard said he's becoming quite a star. He said he has a lot of Twitter followers and this young girlfriend. She was on the Intern show last night. He has some clips from that show to play.
Steve said that Richard Roeper wrote about Donald Trump being just one conspiracy theory away from co-hosting with Riley Martin on Howard 101. Steve also got in a plug for the royal wedding coverage they'll have tomorrow morning on Howard 101 from 5-7am.
Steve said Riley Martin was talking about how he'd like to rub honey on Robin to cheer her up if she's depressed.
Steve said they also have an update on Robin's 15 Foundation charity event out in California. that's happening in about a week.
Steve said that the number one name for CEOs in the country is ''Howard.'' They also found that people linked to Howard CEOs is the name Fred. That's what a study on LinkedIn.com found.
Howard said they seem to be getting softer as they age. The guys said they have always been like that and their ''juggalos'' would tell him that. Howard said that people think they're just violent thugs but they're not. They don't like Ted Nugent because he hunts. They said that he needs to relax with that stuff and not bring a bow and arrow on stage.
Violent J said he has a kid and he likes watching the world through his eyes. Howard asked why he dumped his wife after she had the kid. J said that it wasn't working out. He said he found it impossible to make her happy anymore. Howard asked what went wrong. He said he met her when she was 19 and that was very young. He said that was 8 years ago and he feels that he's one of the hottest agents in the game now. He said he's out there fucking like a rabbit now.
Howard asked if he fucks with the make up on. He said he has done that many times. He wasn't sure if he had ever done that with his wife. He said he may have. Shaggy told Howard about how he had this one chick who wouldn't stop staring at his face. He said he tried flipping her over but she still stared at his face so he had to get out of there.
Howard asked Shaggy about staying sober and if that's working out. He said he's doing good. Howard asked Violent J if he's sober. He just said ''what?'' like he had no idea what he was talking about.
Howard asked the guys if they think they should be on the Grammys. They said they'd like to be on but it will never happen. He said they have gotten some awards. Robin didn't believe that they got any. She said she needs to see proof.
Howard said Robin doesn't believe that they're superstars. Howard said they really are. The guys said they remember when Robin used to like them. Howard asked if she would go out with Violent J. Robin said no.
Howard said he's worried about Violent J's weight. He asked what he's eating. He said he eats cheeseburgers and pizza. He likes good tasting food. J said he's content with who he is these days. He said his ex-girl was very beautiful. Robin asked if the clown cried. He said he has a big heart and he does cry sometimes.
The guys said they're running their own record label and they have a lot of guys who wear face paint. They said their fans love that kind of stuff. Howard asked how they find bands to be on their label. They said they build it really slow. He said they have a new band called The Dayton Family and they've been around a long time. The guys said they have a video out called Cocaine and they have coke flying all over the whole video. They're not trying to get it on MTV or anything like that. It's just an underground video and that's what it's meant for. He said just because it's underground doesn't mean it has to look bootlegged.
Howard said they have an entourage with them today. He said he read that they made $10 million last year. They said they'll go with that but they won't be making that this year.
Howard asked how many records they've sold. They said they've sold like 10 million or so. He said they own the rights to most of the records too. They don't like to be told how to do things so they don't go with those big record labels.
Howard asked what they mean when they say scientists are lying mother fuckers in their song. Shaggy explained that and said that they're killing the fun and magic out of how the world works. Howard said that they must like computers and stuff. J said he doesn't like them. He said he hates his cell phone too. He just started doing the Twitter thing and he hates that after just two tweets.
Howard said that they can't be for real with that. They said they are. Howard said it sounds like they're very religious. They said they respect it but they're not very religious themselves. They don't go to church or anything like that.
Howard asked what kind of weed they smoke these days. J said he doesn't smoke when he's singing because it screws up his voice. Shaggy said he never does. He doesn't like it.
Howard asked if they're being sued by Tila Tequila. They said that she said she was going to sue them but she never did. Howard said they have their Juggalo convention every year and they lose money on it every year. They were happy that they only lost $15,000 this year. He asked how Tila ended up on their tour. J said she was famous because she's hot and she gets naked on stage and shit. Shaggy said they figured it was a great idea to have her on the tour. J said they had a few other girls there too. Shaggy said she was on Twitter disrespecting them spelling their name wrong and claiming she was a Juggalo and stuff. He said they knew she was going to get booed off the stage so they asked them to try and stay calm. They can't control their fans though.
Howard said he read that they have seminars for their fans too. They said they have about a thousand people show up for those things.
Howard said he read that Tila was pelted with bags of urine and feces. Shaggy said he saw rocks but no piss or shit. He said they were hitting a metal roof and they heard that stuff. They didn't see that other stuff. They said she refused to get off stage too. Then she showed her breasts and that got the fans even more incensed. Shaggy said she kept saying she was no wack bitch and she wouldn't run. That made things worse. Shaggy said that she looks really weird too. He said she's really small and she has a chipmunk face and tits that are too big for her body.
J said that she had ample time to get off stage before things got bad. She's the one who decided to stay up there. Shaggy said he's gotten knocked in the face with stuff so hard he was knocked out. He said he had to have some cadaver parts put in his neck after he broke his neck. He said he broke it wrestling and once in a show. He said he finished that show though.
They said they get hit constantly with shit like that. Howard asked if he ever wanted to find out whose parts were in him. He said he never did. Howard asked if J ever tried to fuck Tila. He said he never did. He said they stand behind their fans and if they don't like Tila then they're behind them. Howard said this is a hell of a way to make a living. He said it sounds pretty tough.
Robin asked how long they're going to do this stuff. They said they're going to do it forever if they can. They've been around a long time already. Howard said it is pretty amazing that they've been in it so long. Shaggy said they have a new album they're working on and they can't even talk about what they're up to.
Howard gave the guys some plugs for some upcoming gigs they have and one of them was in a festival. They don't do festivals usually. They said they're doing it for the story just so they will have a story to tell. Howard said it's not a built in slam dunk for them. They know something is going to happen.
Howard asked how many songs they're going to do. Shaggy said they're doing 50 minutes. It's at this Bamboozle festival in New Jersey.
Howard asked Shaggy about the felony charges he's had over the years. He's had a few, about 5. He told Howard about them and said that this whole thing keeps him under control. J said he thought he knew him but then he goes out and does something crazy. He said he's been on point for the past 5 years or so. Shaggy said his last home invasion was about 4 years ago. He said he didn't think he was going to get caught. J said they found out where some stuff that was stolen from Shaggy's house was at and he went to get it back. That's all that was. Howard asked how he got off. He said that he had a lawyer who knew the judge.
Howard said Shaggy sounds like a black guy with that voice of his. Shaggy said he doesn't get that confusion with anyone else. Howard asked if he's a mix. He said he's not. Howard asked him how he would decide where to break in when he was a kid. Shaggy said he would see a good place to do it and he'd run in and steal. He said it wasn't a big decision. He said he doesn't live a life of crime now.
Howard asked Shaggy if he ever felt bad stealing. He said he never did. He said he would steal from the big stores and not from the smaller stores. Howard asked if he was like Robin Hood and stole from the rich to give to the poor. Shaggy said ''hell no.''
Howard took a call from a guy who asked when they're going to kill themselves. The guy said he called in last time and went off on them. J said that you have to look for them so he's not sure what bothers him so much. The caller said that his douche bag son listens to them. He said anyone who listens to them is a douche bag. The guys said this guy was making a fool out of himself.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if they lip sync in concert. Howard said that they don't sing, they rap. The guy said he doesn't believe they do it. They said he can come and see them perform at a concert.
Another caller said they were fucking horrible. The guys told him not to hold back. The caller said they dress like clowns. That's just fucked up. He asked when Yucko is going to join the tour. They had no idea who that was.
Another caller said he was at a show and they played in a room next to some old ladies who were singing A Cappella. He said the Juggalos scared the shit out of the other group of people.
Another caller went off on the guys saying they sound like illiterate idiots. Howard said he doesn't know how to explain these calls. He said they might be Tila Tequila fans.
Howard said they have proven themselves and they continue to have tremendous success. He said they can just say fuck 'em to the people who bad mouth them. The guys said that's the way Iggy Pop used to be treated and now people love him. They said they're beloved now too. Howard gave them some more plugs and told Robin that if she's interested in a date he can set her up. Shaggy said he wants to go out with Bree Olson. Howard said he will try to set her up for the next time they're on the show. Howard wished the guys luck and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said they have a $10,000 prize to give away, courtesy of Cheetah Power Surge, in the World's Saddest Listener contest. He said he was going to bring in Asian Pete first. He said he's going to be a good judge for this contest. Howard said Pete used to be Pete the Asian Virgin but he lost his virginity. Howard said he's a good looking guy but he's kind of weird. He speaks funny even though he grew up in the United States. He has a speech impediment but he went to a regular school. He thinks that he's of normal intelligence. Pete said he has a high school diploma.
Howard asked Pete if he knows why he's there. Pete said it's for a contest. He tried to say saddest listener but it didn't sound like that. Gary said he wants to have him in the next IQ test. He figured he'd have a 65 IQ or so.
Robin asked if Pete has a job. Pete said he does and he works in something that sounded like Styrofoam. He was actually saying cell phone. He sells the phones. Robin said that's crazy. Howard asked here he works. He works in a phone store. Howard asked if he tells people about the phones. Pete said he does and he likes Verizon best. Howard asked what phone he would sell him. He said something unintelligible. Howard asked if he knew what 8x7 was. Pete said no. Robin asked how he can sell phones if he can't do math. Pete said he works 3-4 days a week.
Howard said he heard he was hitting on Rachel Fine, Richie Wilson's girl. Pete said no. Howard said he heard he was sending her love letters.
Howard asked when Pete last got pussy. Pete said it was like a week ago. Howard asked if she was normal. He said she was. Howard asked if he's been going out with her. It turns out it was just a one shot deal. Pete said he gets it frequently. Howard said he's going to be a good judge today.
Howard told Pete to just hang out during the break and they'll get to the contest. Howard went to break a short time later.
Ray said he didn't even know what the prize was until a couple of days ago. Howard said that's because he's the replacement player for the guy who died. Ray went on to tell his story. He said his wife gave birth to their child last year. She had really bad pain during the pregnancy and it turns out she had cancer. She died 8 months after the diagnosis. Now he's left with a 15 year old child without a mother. Ray said it's really tough. He said they never had an argument in the 9 years they were together. He said in 2003 she had a benign cyst removed and she shouldn't have been able to get pregnant. Howard asked if he has someone to help take care of the kid. He said he has some family around and his sister has 4 kids of her own. She has the baby today but it's really tough.
Ray said he started a job last year on the same day she was diagnosed. He said he had to take a leave of absence and he went to the hospital and they told him they couldn't do anything else for her. She would have been 36 years old on March 31st of this year. Ray said he took that leave and the job laid him off. He said he doesn't have a job now either. Ray said she had to fly home to be with her family in England. He said she wasn't able to fly commercially so he had to take a private jet to get her around. He said he flew her to England and that used up most of his life savings.
Howard said he has to get a new wife in there and get her working. Ray told Howard that he feels that people know he's sad and it's tough to find a woman. Howard asked if he has anger about the kid. He said he's losing his mind but it's not fair to blame the child or his wife. He said he also owes money to the city and that's about $4,400. He said he should pay that off and then buy as much heroin as he can and overdose.
Howard said that's a sad story. He asked Pete if he understood what was going on. Pete said he has a baby and no job basically. Howard asked if he ever thought of giving the baby up for adoption. Ray said no. He said he needs that child to just go away for a month or so. He said he needs to recoup. He said that seeing his wife decay the way she did was the toughest thing. He told Howard to go give his dad a hug if he's still around.
Howard asked if the wife got to see the child. Ray said she did get to spent a little time with the baby. He said she had about 4 months of time out of the 8 months she had left. Howard asked when he last had sex. He said it was about 2 years ago. Ray said he doesn't even care about money.
Howard said maybe Pete can sell Ray a phone. Pete said something that no one understood. Howard said he's going to let Ray go and get to Dave.
Dave said he's had 14 surgeries on his leg. He said a nurse sneezed into his open wound while changing the dressing. That led to him getting an infection in the leg because of that. He said the bone got infected and that led to his bone getting eaten away. He showed everyone what his leg looks like. The leg was giant according to the guys. Dave said they operated on the leg and took some muscle and grafted it on to that leg.
Dave said his wife had back problems from helping him move around. Dave said it turns out her disks were starting to break down in her back. Pete was smiling during that story so Robin and Howard asked what's going on there. Pete didn't explain.
Dave said he and his wife are both disabled. He said that they are able to take care of each other though. He said the kid that hit him only got a ticket for making an illegal left and he beat that ticket. Howard said Dave says he would kill himself if he didn't have an 8 year old son. Dave said it is something he would think about but he's tired of being a burden on his wife. He said he has metal in his leg and if he doesn't win this money he's going to have that leg amputated. Robin asked if he could sue the hospital since the nurse sneezed on him. Dave said that he'd have to have loss of life or loss of limb to sue. He can't sue now because the time has passed.
Dave said that there is one guy who can do the work to clean out the infected stuff but he needs that money. He said if he doesn't get it then he's going to lose his leg.
Howard said these stories are bad. Ray said that Dave was calling the lawyer a ''weasel'' and he was basically calling him a Jew. Ray said Benjy got that too. Howard didn't think that's what he was saying. Howard said this is not good for Dave and Ray. They still have Bobby to get to.
Bobby said it gets worse. He moved to Cleveland and when he was 6 his mother was addicted to crack and she was a prostitute. She left them with no one and left them homeless. She never came home and they lived on their own for a long time. Bobby said he was so smart that he was able to get her welfare card to get food and stuff. He said they lived at home for about 8 months. His grandparents were the ones who found them living alone and eating spoon's of mayonnaise.
bobby said his mom came back around the time he was 8. A 32 year old neighbor was allowed to sodomize him. He had to suck the guy's dick. Howard asked if she would stand there and watch. Bobby said that his mother would just give him to this guy.
Bobby said that his mom married another guy who ended up murdering someone. He said the guy was 6'6'' and he beat a jockey to death. Bobby said that this guy went to jail about 4 months after he married his mom. She took him back into the home when he got out. The guy would crawl on top of him and fuck him in the ass at the age of 12. He said he made himself homeless and got out of there.
Bobby said he met his dad who used to be a drug addict who found Jesus. He said he would get the shit beat out of him for being gay when he was there. He said his dad's wife hated him. He got married at 17 to a girl to stop from getting beat up. He said he got married, got a culinary degree and then his wife found out that he was gay. He said he went down on her once and she was wiping from back to front and she had poop on her vagina so he told her he was done and got out of that marriage.
Bobby said he met a gay man on Gay.com and lived with him for 6 months. He said the guy became very controlling and he would beat the hell out of him on a weekly basis. He said that's all he ever knew. He said he has scars on his face from getting a Jack Daniels bottle smashed on his face. He was in a coma for months. He said it gets worse.
Bobby said 9 years into the relationship they were doing good. He said that he moved away for a while. He said they had a great relationship but the guy was HIV positive and they became close again. He said they started the process to adopt a kid. He said they got a girl from Mexico and a few months later the guy left for a pack of cigarettes and he ended up getting smashed by a car and dragged for 4 miles. He said that he got his shoe and part of his food. He said he was completely obliterated. The very next day his parents showed up. He said he had never completed the paperwork so his parents took the child away and threw him out of the house. Bobby said they gave him 24 hours to clear out.
Bobby said he moved to North Carolina and he was making $60,000 a year working and wrestling. Then he came out of the closet and got fired from the wrestling thing. Bobby said he met another man and got into a relationship. He said he had a gall bladder explode so he had to go the hospital and the guy he was with ended up ripping him off. He was left with nothing again.
Bobby said he got cancer and then met another nice man. The guy found out he was half Jewish and the guy was from Lebanon and he hates Jews. He said for the last 2 and a half years he gets beaten up by this guy. He has nowhere to go and no family to go to. He said he is attracted to this guy and loves him but he beats the hell out of him. He said he got beat up in the grocery store recently. He also said he got ripped off by a girl that was going to have a baby for them.
Another caller said that he had a job for Ray but he can't have him saying anti-Semitic things. Ray said he didn't say it, he was just pointing it out. Ray said that's what it sounded like to him and that's the way he heard it. Howard said he had Bobby's boyfriend on the phone. It was actually clips of Iron Sheik yelling at him.
Howard said all three of them could use the money. He said he's struggling between two of them. He said he'd get Pete's vote first though. Howard asked Pete what he thinks. Pete said he thinks that Ray should win. He said he's got the kid and he needs money.
Howard said Pete is a man of few words but he makes sense. Howard asked Fred for his vote. Fred said this was very tough. He said he thinks that the two saddest stories are Dave and Bobby's. He said Ray is having a tough time too but he thinks he can get through it. He said he thinks he has to give his vote to Bobby.
Howard asked Robin for her vote. Robin said her dilemma is between Ray and Dave. She said that Bobby can turn his life around. She said he keeps making bad choices and stays with a man who beats him. Robin said he has nothing holding him back but himself. Robin said that she's left with Ray and Dave. Robin said she's going to vote for Dave. She said that he's going to lose a limb if he doesn't win.
Howard said it comes down to Ray, Dave and Bobby. They all have one vote. Howard said he has the winning vote. Dave said he has something he left out. He said he has a rod in his leg that goes so high up that they can't give him a prosthetic. He said he'll be in a wheelchair.
Howard said he has the final vote and any one of them could win. Howard said it's all based on him. Fuck everything else. Howard said he's stuck with that face. Howard said Ray has a sad story. Dave and Bobby do too. He said the answer is clear to him who should win. He said when he sees a guy about to lose his leg he has to give him the 10 grand. Howard said he has some prizes for the other two but he has to give his vote to Dave. Howard said he thinks that Ray is going to be okay. He gave him $500 courtesy of ''POM Wonderful Presents the Greatest Movie Ever Made.''
Howard said Ray will get through this. He said he knows he has to go back to the real world but he can do it. Howard said Bobby has been fucked in the ass by life. He said he could get his shit together too and get out of that abusive relationship. He said he thinks he can do it. He said he's a good man and a nice man.
Ralph called in and said that he heard the fat guy and there can't be anyone more miserable than that. Howard said he has had a terrible life. Ralph said he was with that guy for days on end getting fucked. Howard said this other guy is going to lose his leg.
Howard said they had someone there to present the check to Dave. Howard said that the person was from Cheetah Power Surge. Howard gave them some plugs and let this guy Frank present the check to Dave. Frank presented the check to him and said he hopes it does for him what it needs to do. Dave thanked him and said that it means the difference between having one leg and having no leg. Howard thanked the guys for playing. He wrapped up with the guys and went to break a short time later.
Howard had the guys bring Bobby back in. Bobby came in and said that this sounds like his sister but she's so full of shit. Allison and Bobby went back and forth arguing and Bobby said that they disowned him for being gay. Allison said that is not true.
Allison said that Bobby split after their grandmother co-signed for the car loan. Bobby said that Allison is full of shit and she fucked everyone like their mom did. She said she can't believe he's doing this to her. Bobby said she hasn't even spoken to him in 10 years.
Howard said it's a shame that their mother was so shitty to them and now they're treating each other like this. Bobby said that he would take a lie detector test right now. He said he'd fly back and take it. He said that his sister is trying to cover up everything that he went through. Allison said that he's going to be judged one day. Bobby said he'll make out just fine.
Allison said that she's been nothing but hospitable to him. He said that he hasn't seen her for 10 years. She said he was just there 2 years ago. She said that she let them come and visit just two years ago. Bobby said he did see her one time in 11 years. He said he got to her house at 2 in the morning and she had no choice but to take him in. He said that she tried to kick him out. He was taking care of some kids after his friend died.
Bobby said that she's just trying to save face because she has friends listening. He said she's trash. He said that he would take a lie detector test to prove that he's telling the truth. Allison said that he does this to people all the time. She said he leaves for years and talks crap and then comes back. She said it's never been to this magnitude. She said he has a family that loves an supports him and he does this to them.
Allison said they had a great childhood together with their grandparents. She said they did all kinds of fun things and they were not neglected. Bobby said that they were neglected. He said she doesn't remember any of this.
Howard was trying to wrap up with them but they continued to argue. Allison said that Bobby married that girl and he dogged that family too. bobby said he gets along with her family. She said that's not true either.
Bobby said he went through all of this shit and she has no idea. Howard said it could have happened without her knowing what was going on. She said that he's living in a land of make believe. Howard said he's glad that Allison has a happy life. Howard said he hopes that they can work it out eventually. Bobby said he wants to drive to Ohio because he's so aggravated.
bobby said he's going to write a book and he'd like her to read it. Howard had to cut Bobby off when he was calling his sister an alcoholic. Howard said he has to end this. Bobby said he's been dealing with this stuff his whole life. He said he's told them what went on and they all turned their back on him. He said he's always felt like he's on his own. Howard told him to go and calm down. Howard said he was going to leave it at that. He let Bobby go. He said that Robin thought that she had it bad.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the line too. Mutt quickly ran down what they're going to be talking about tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Robin asked Howard how he's going to be ''stored'' when he dies. Howard said he wants to be in a coffin above ground. He said he'd like an airway so he can breathe just in case he isn't dead. Howard said they bury live people every day in this country. Robin told him to bring her proof. Robin read a story about a California State Assemblyman who has introduced a bill that would allow people to be liquefied when they die. It doesn't pollute the air and it uses about 1/10th the energy of cremation.
Howard had, Jessie, the wife of the guy who was supposed to be on the World's Saddest Listener contest on the phone. She said he was so looking forward to the contest. She said he had a kidney diseases that he suffered from since the age of 12. She said that he had a stroke, he battled countless things. She said he was amazing. Howard said he could have had her marry Ray. He asked if he picked the right person. She said that Garrett's the one. Howard said that's a no brainer but he's not there. Howard asked if he picked the right one. She said that Dave's life was pretty shitty.
Howard said she might be the world's saddest listener now. Howard asked if she was going to be okay. Jessie said she lost her best friend. He just turned 30 in December. she said that Garrett was honored to have been picked to be on the show. She said that he listened to he show 24 hours a day. She thanked Howard for the opportunity. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said they're not doing another one of these contests. Howard said they're going to do ''Happiest CEO of a Corporation'' next time.
Robin brought up the social networking site Friendster and how they're going to turn it into an entertainment site. Robin said they're telling anyone who has an account to get their stuff before the blow it all out.
Robin read about how the medical profession is advising that teens should have someone present when they undergo an exam. Howard said his mom used to stay with him. Robin said she remembers being alone. She said now they're saying there should be chaperones. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Howard took a call from a woman, Lily, who asked if he thinks it's appropriate for a door man to comment on how she looks every day. Howard said that's horse shit. He told her to go to the head of the door men and complain. Howard said maybe she could tell him not to comment on her appearance. Lily said it could be uncomfortable if she did that. Howard said he would just open the door and close the door if he was a door man. He said he'd be the best door man ever. Howard said if he were Lily he'd write an anonymous letter to the board. She said that's a good idea.
Lily also said she thought the picture Howard took of Beth in the bathtub was gorgeous. Howard said that was some of his early work. He said she's right and it is a beautiful picture. Lily asked him to make a series of her in that pose. Howard said there is a series and he's trying to get permission to send them out. He said Beth thinks they're ''too sexy.'' Howard let Lily go and said he knows how uncomfortable it can be to have a door man like that. He said that no one is looking to be evaluated. Howard said guys are so dumb when it comes to girls.
Robin read a story about the latest Gallup poles that show people will not vote for Donald Trump or Sarah Palin.
Robin said that Donald Trump's attacks on Obama's birth has attracted the attention of Cher. She Tweeted about it yesterday and said that she called him pompous among other choice words. She also said that everyone in Aspen thought he was an idiot when she saw him out there.
Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about the birth certificate thing. He said he's been puzzled by the whole thing. She had some audio of someone else talking about how this is distracting people from other issues. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Howard took a call from a woman whose phone wasn't working. He had to hang up on her. Robin got back to her news and read a story about Katie Couric announcing that she's leaving the CBS Evening News and Sarah Palin was commenting about that. Howard wondered how she's still around and who is supporting her. He said it's crazy. He said she couldn't even stick with her job as Governor of Alaska. Howard said he would finish the job if he had it. Howard said Katie asked Sarah what newspapers she likes to read and Sarah had no answer and she thinks that it was some kind of sabotage.
Howard mentioned the ''Royal Waste of Time'' special they have going on tomorrow morning at 5am. They have Lisa G and some Wack Packers covering the Royal Wedding.
Robin read about how much Exxon Mobil made in the first quarter of this year. Robin said they reported a net income of 10.65 billion dollars. Robin said that BP is hoping to start drilling in the Gulf of Mexico later this year. Robin said they have to meet some new standards.
Robin read about Starbucks being the number 3 restaurant chain in the United States. Robin asked Howard what he thought number 1 and 2 were. McDonald's was one. Howard thought Burger King was another. Robin said he was right about McDonald's. The second one is Subway. Burger King and Wendy's were knocked down below those three.
Robin said today is National Take Your Daughter or Son to Work day. Howard said he has done that in the past. He said he'd bring them in and their friends would call in. He said they grow up and they don't want to do radio anymore.
Robin said that Gabrielle Giffords is in Florida to see her husband fly with the last Space Shuttle flight.
Robin said Steve Jobs says they will fix their phones and iPads so they don't track your ever move. Howard said he doesn't care about that. He said he's fine with them tracking him. Robin said she doesn't like her iPhone. She said she doesn't like the way it handles email and Twitter. She likes the Blackberry better. Robin read more about the iPhone thing and said that Jobs said it was a bug in the software.
Robin said they've been talking about identity theft and the NY Yankees leaked a bunch of email addresses for 17,000 fans when a spreadsheet was attached to a mass email.
Robin talked about the Royal Wedding that's happening tomorrow. Robin read some details about that. She had some audio of Winston Churchill's great grandson talking about it as well. Robin read about how it's a big day for photographers. She had some audio of a photographer talking about what a big deal it is for them.
Robin read a story about David Ogden Stiers doing a voice in a new movie. She had some audio of him talking about that. Robin had some audio of Paul Walker talking about the new ''Fast Five'' movie too.
Robin read about how Dr. Drew is doing another TV show. Robin had some audio of him talking about the new show. Howard said he was going to sleep with that clip.
Robin said that Kate Hudson is engaged to the frontman of the band Muse. Howard said it's just another relationship that won't last. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:10am.
Gary said there's a theory going around about Benjy and why he was late. He said they think he might be the killer from Long Island. Gary said he would come in sweaty and he was on Craigslist all the time. Benjy said he swears on his life that he had nothing to do with that and he doesn't condone it either.
Gary said he overslept this morning and he got stuck in traffic. He said that Sal has been late too but he doesn't get noticed because he's not on the air. Benjy said he's trying to fix his problems.
Jason came in and asked when he's been late to work. Benjy said he was once during the winter. Jason said he has not been late. Benjy apologized to him for that. Jason said he's never had to be talked to for being late like Benjy has.
Gary said he was telling Howard today about how he drives by this one spot on the Cross Bronx expressway and they usually have the construction stuff cleaned up by then. Some days they don't get it cleared out on time.
Jon asked if they could move on or were they going to complain about people being late. Jason said that Sal is late sometimes.
Gary said he walked in the second the show started and heard Howard talking about him. He said he decided not to walk in. Jon said that was probably the right move.
Jon brought up the photography discussion Howard had and how full tilt he is with the whole thing. Gary said Howard says he has to be great at the things he picks up on and he's trying to do that with the photography. He said he can't be great at it immediately. He said that he should have fun with it and slowly become great at it.
The guys were also talking about Beth's last name and trying to figure out if she had changed it or not. Jon said he wanted to talk about more but they had to take a break first.
Jon said it wasn't just one sad story with them. It was one story after another and it was a never ending list of tragedy.
The guys talked about the guy who died before he got to come in for the contest. Gary said he had a lot of interesting and competitive stories. Benjy said he would have voted for Dave. He said the other guys have happy personalities. Gary said Ray has a kid and he has financial problems so that's why he would have voted for him. Jon said that Ray can get past that and move on but it's still sad. Gary said he has a huge financial strain and no job. Gary said raising a kid alone is a financial strain alone.
Jon asked Will what he thought about Ray. He said he was a nice guy when he spoke to him on the phone but some of the stuff he said in the studio wasn't coming across well.
Gary said they had one contest where he had to pare down 10 people down to 3 and he had to hear all of their stories. He said that he listened to them for 3 hours and it put him in a bad place.
Jon said Asian Pete was great and he made that segment in his opinion. Jon said it sounds like he's a cell phone salesman or something. Gary said maybe he just hangs around the place and they let him go get pizza for them or something.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the saddest story was the guy who died. He said he choked up when he heard his fiancee on the line. He said he should have been represented. Will said he seemed like a good guy and it was brutal. He said he had like 3 kidney transplants and two times they didn't take because of doctor error. Will said he sounded like an upbeat guy but then he just died one night. He said it was crazy.
The guys were also talking about Dave's leg problem and how it was caused by a nurse who sneezed into his open wound and how he can't sue over it.
The caller on the line said that they have no original content during the afternoons but he'd like to hear Miserable Men back on the air.
Jon said that all of the guys seemed to be happy that they got on the show even if they didn't win. Will said that's what he felt when he spoke to them on the phone.
Gary said he felt like Bobby was interesting and it was very weird when his sister called in because you don't know what's true and what's not now.
A caller said that he doesn't believe that story about the guy who said he ate mayonnaise. He said he doesn't believe that story. He said the scars on his face story wasn't so believable either. The guy said he doesn't believe that kind of stuff goes on. Gary said it could be true. He doesn't know for sure it didn't.
Jon took a call from Lily who said that she's back to work so that's why she hasn't been calling. Gary asked what she does. She said she sells real estate. She said she thought what Gary said to Howard about Beth's name upset Howard. She said she thinks that he was upset the whole day. Gary said they talk about that stuff to get conversations going on the air. He said that's what they do during the breaks.
Benjy asked Lily what her doorman says to her that upset her. She said that he commented about her looking like she lost all of her baby weight. She said that he will ask about her hair cut and comment on her shoes and things like that. Lily said that he will comment on her shoes and stuff too. Lily said that she thinks she will talk to him and not mess with his job by reporting him. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked the guys if they knew what happened with Tila Tequila. Gary said he understands it completely. He said that the same thing happened with Sinead O'Conner. He said she got booed and she stayed on stage too long.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was friends with Garrett and he was really looking forward to getting on the show. He said he just wanted to say thank you to them for that. Gary asked if they could give the money to Garrett's wife if they give it to him. The caller said he would do that. Jon gave him the $500 prize.
Ralph said that Garrett should have won. He said his estate should have gotten the money. Gary said the rules said the person had to be there. Ralph said he doesn't see that it says you have to be alive to win the contest.
Ralph said that he heard bobby's story but he didn't hear the others. He said he felt it was very callus of Robin to tell him to just get his shit together. He said she should just get her shit together.
Jon took a call from another guy who brought up the way Ray was talking about the Jew thing. Gary said he felt it was taking some points away from him. Will said that he felt like all of the stories were equally sad but it was the way they told their stories that brought out the winner.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he vomited when he saw Ronnie with that stripper girlfriend of his. Ronnie came in and said that no one told him to look at him. He said he doesn't have to watch him. The caller said he's a bully too and told him to come up with a different personality. They went back and forth with that for a minute until they had to end the show. Ronnie told the guy to fuck off. They had to end the show a short time later.