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Howard talked about how beat he was when he got up to his room around midnight. Ralph was running around in his bathrobe so no one could get in. Howard said he had the double doors locked and he was in this kimono. Howard said they were at the Trump casino and it was like Ralph was settling in to live there. He had porn on every TV. He said Ralph was using the tub to take a bath and things like that too.
Howard said he got into the room and saw a big ring in the tub. Ralph told him that he took care of himself in the tub. He said it was a black tub so it was showing the ring around the edge. Robin shook when she heard that story. Howard said it was like a big soup in there. He wanted to puke. Ralph was in the studio laughing.
Howard said they were in Dominic's Limo so they had 5 guys in the back. He said they picked Ralph up in Jersey and he sat in the good seat. Then he was acting like it was his own car. Howard said he was fighting Ronnie and different people.
Howard said they wanted some girls to rub them down but it never happened. He said the only girls they could get were hookers. He said that they're not hard to find down there. Howard said they were looking around and found some girls but he decided against it. Howard said he would have ended up in jail.
Howard said that Neil had a cot to sleep on and he didn't like his arrangements. He said that he didn't want to sleep in that cot so Ralph offered him his room. Howard said Dan Foreman was going to offer him the room but he's a homophobe so he didn't even want to be in the room with Ralph. They goofed on Dan about that for a few minutes.
Howard told Robin about how Ralph showed his penis to the guys. Ralph said it was only to Neil. Howard said Ralph and Neil came down to the blackjack tables and they looked more guilty than OJ. Howard said it was hot in the hotel so Neil stripped down to just about nothing. Ralph said he told him that he didn't want a show.
Howard said Ralph and Neil got the idea to rig the bathroom for Dan's shower in the morning. He said they took the towels and loaded them up with lotion. Howard said they took the shower cap and molded it over the shower head. They took the shower curtain off so he had nothing but toilet paper hanging off the rod. Ralph said they put bath oil on the knobs too. Howard said Dan said he saw all of the crap all over the towels. He just went in and took the shower and he was unphased by the whole thing. He was like a guy who had been goofed on his whole life and he was used to it.
Howard said Dan saw that Ralph and Dan had big smiles on their face while they slept. Ralph said it was like Christmas morning and they were waiting for Dan to take his shower. Howard asked Ralph if anything happened in the bed with Neil. Ralph said nothing as far as he remembers.
Howard told Robin about how they had a black dealer at the blackjack table. He said this guy wasn't being all that friendly. He said Neil was asking inappropriate questions so Dominic got up and started yelling at Neil. Then some guy came over to get an autograph and Dominic ended up yelling at him. The guy was drunk so he was ready to fight Dominic. Howard said that's what his weekend was like.
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Howard talked to Henry about his wife and henry said that she's looking for his money. He cursed again so Howard told him he has to watch that. Henry went off on his wife saying that she's half a dyke. Howard said they should have put that in the movie. Henry said they left about a half hour of stuff on the floor.
Howard asked Henry about stuffing that guy into the trunk and Henry told him to shush. Howard said he had it in the movie.
Howard said he can't blame Henry for being on drugs. He said if the mob was after him he'd be on drugs too. Henry said he's on Prozac. Howard asked Henry about some of the guys they killed off and Henry told Howard about one of the guys who was let go very slowly and it was Gotti who took care of him himself. Howard said he doesn't mind if mob guys take care of each other as long as he's not caught in the crossfire.
Howard took a call from a guy who had a run in with Henry. He said that Henry his band but the other guys he was with didn't like them. They ended up getting rid of their keyboard player and he ended up with a phony $100 Bill when they finally got paid. Henry asked what this guy's name was. The caller said he didn't want to say. Henry said he was pretty sure who it was. Howard asked Henry if he knew the guy. Henry said the story did sound a little familiar.
Henry told Howard to get that fat, Jew, bitch wife of his on the phone. Henry wasn't happy with her at all. He told Howard that he's done with Jews now.
Howard asked Henry about how many guys he actually killed. Henry told him not to get personal now. He didn't want to get into that stuff with him.
Howard asked Henry if he can get laid out on the lamb like he is. Henry said he has a girlfriend right now. He said he's doing just fine.
Howard spent a few more minutes with Henry before letting him go. He had him laughing at times and his laugh was pretty scary. Howard said there isn't much difference between Henry and Jeffrey Dahmer. Howard said Henry is out there on the lamb now and he was just checking in with them. They went to break after that.
Howard asked Sam more about what he said to Arsenio and found out he grabbed his face and Arsenio wasn't saying a word to him. He said he had 5 guys pulling him up the stairs. John told Sam he loves him and he would do anything for him.
Sam told Howard that he's nominated for a Grammy so he'll be out there tomorrow. Howard asked what he's going to do there. Sam said he came up with some stuff to do. He said that they won't be airing his competition though.
Howard asked Sam about goofing on Sebastian Bach at the American Music Awards. Sam said he wanted the other guys, Warrant, to win because he knows those guys.
Sam told Howard about the guys he's up against for the Grammy. They mentioned that PDQ Bach was in there and Gary had to explain to Howard who the guy was.
Howard asked Sam more about what happened with Arsenio. Sam told Howard how he came in with his bodyguard and he told Arsenio that he was a snake and cursed him out. Then he grabbed his face and asked if he wanted to do something about it. He said they ran out of there and pulled Arsenio out. Howard said that's too cool.
Howard let Sam go and had Kari Wuhrer come in. Howard said she sued to be on MTV but no one knows who she is. Howard said she's really cute but that's her whole thing. Howard said she has a good voice and she just signed with Rick Rubin. He said he saw her making out with him. Howard said he thinks he could have sex with her. He said she has such a tight little body. Howard said guys must freak out over her. He said she's really obnoxious though. He knows that she wouldn't play any attention to him if he didn't have a radio show. Howard asked if she has ever seen Rick Rubin naked. She didn't know what to say. She told Howard she hasn't.
Howard told Gary to have Kari come back. Gary went out to get her but she was busy talking to some other show.
Sam showed up so Howard had him on live instead of on the phone. They spent a minute talking before Kari showed up again. Howard asked if she would show up in his hotel room naked. Kari said she has too much respect for him to do that. Howard told her to come back later with Rick.
After some edited out content Howard came back and Gary asked what guests they wanted to talk to. Howard ended up saying he'd talk to Alice Cooper but not Charles Fleisher. Howard said he has tried to talk to Charles before but he won't do the Roger Rabbit voice for them. Howard told Gary to blow the other guys off.
Rick Rubin showed up so Howard had Kari back on. They spent some time talking to Rick too. Howard had to shake Sam's hand for getting into a fight with Arsenio. Sam told Howard that the guy is a jerk. He said he will never do his show and Arsenio knows it.
After another edited out break Howard came back and talked to Rick about doing an album with him. Rick said they'd have to edit a lot of they wanted to put out an album. Howard told Kari to take off all of her clothes or leave the microphone.
Gary told Howard that they have some people who want to do the show and he had Charles Fleisher asking if he was getting the brush off. Gary said maybe they can talk to him for a couple of minutes and then Alice Cooper will be ready to come in. Howard thanked Rick and Kari for coming in and let them go. Kari mooned the as she was leaving. Howard sounded very happy about that.
Howard had Charles Fleisher come in and told him that he should make that Roger Rabbit do some dirty stuff. Sam said that he and Charles go way back. He told Howard about getting into an accident once with Charles in the car. Howard said he heard that they left the car and didn't wait for the police. Sam said that's not what happened. They spent a few minutes talking about that.
Howard and Sam spent a few minutes talking more about the Arsenio thing. Howard told Sam to give them a call when he's at the Grammy's and they'll put him on the air while they're announcing the winner. Sam said that would be great.
Alice Cooper showed up so Howard let Charles go. Howard asked Alice if he wanted to perform a song for them or did the other stations already do that. Alice said they did. Howard gave him a guitar anyway. Sam played a little bit but Alice wasn't interested in playing.
Howard had Sam and Carmine playing a little bit. They played some of Alice's stuff so Alice sang a little bit of ''School's Out.'' Howard asked the guys if they knew ''I'm 18.'' They played some of that for Alice to sing along to. Howard spent a minute talking to Alice before wrapping up and ending the show.
In the clip Robin was reading some news about the OJ Simpson trial and Howard talked about how out of control the trial seems to be. Howard talked about Judge Ito and how he's making it all about himself and he takes breaks that are longer than they're supposed to be.
Howard said OJ is so guilty. He said that they have more reports coming out in the paper about all of that. Robin gave Howard some more details about the trial and what's been coming out lately. They talked about some new stuff that Kato Kaelin was saying. Howard spent a few minutes talking about that and about some of the other stuff he had heard about the case.
Howard played some ''Ed Wood'' audio and did his impression of that during the OJ discussions. Robin read some more details about what was coming up in the trial.
Howard had June do her Rocky character and had her and the other guys doing this bit they had written. Howard was playing Bullwinkle, Jessica Hahn was in the bit too. They were goofing on Jessica a lot in that bit.
Sal And Richard's New Prank Call. 02/21/06. 6:50am
After the break Howard had a new phony phone call to play. They took clips of Tommy Lasorda going on a tirade at a press conference and used some of that to call TJ's Tires since Tommy made a reference to a TJ during his tirade. Howard played some of the tirade and then played the prank call that Sal and Richard made to the tire shop. They put the guy from the shop on the phone with Tommy yelling at him. The guy on the phone told Tommy that he would kick his ass himself after they had clips of him cursing him out. Howard said that's an instant classic.
Artie said it's kind of funny how Sal and Richard have to both be on the phone. There was no reason for them both to be on but they found a way to make it happen. Richard played the wife and Sal played the husband while Tommy's audio clips were playing the grandfather.
Stuttering John and Bozo the Clown. 2-21-96. Yes, John was out once again getting another great interview with a damn clown. John asked Bozo why so many clowns become child molesters?, are you allowed to fart in the Bozo costume, where do you get odor eaters for those giant shoes, etc etc. Bozo actually hung in there until his publicist chased John away.
Black Jeopardy. 2-21-96. Every year Howard likes to take part in Black History month so he does his version of the game show, Jeopardy. Today's contestants were Big Blackie the black nerd, King of All Blacks, and Tineen Howard the guy who was recently arrested in front of the governors mansion in Virginia with a gun...he was also yelling out 'Howard Stern is the king of all media'. So you can see that we have quite a collection of wacky people. Big Blackie was 'sipping' on a 40oz. Malt Liquor to make himself seem more like a real black man. Uzo the big breasted sex kitten was also in to turn over the Jeopardy question cards. King of All Blacks spent his whole morning goofing on Big Blackie's look and his glasses. Howard was dressed in his big afro wig and goofy glasses. They went through the usual black questions and came down to the Final Jeopardy. The question was: 'How do you spell Cochran?'. Big Blackie came out the winner with 230 points, King of All Blacks had 80 points and Tineen had 210 points. Uzo tried to spell the word but was unsuccessful. She spelled it Cockran. How is her spelling on Prodigy? Big Blackie came away with a $500 gift certificate for Tops Appliance. Everyone came away a winner when Howard gave gift certificates to all three goofballs. Big Blackie wants to become an entertainer and put the word out that he's up for hire. King of All Blacks told Big Blackie to sing a little of 'Ben' for us and he screeched out a tune.
In the clip Howard was complaining about all of the other stations that were in the room doing broadcasts. Howard said they were all Howard Stern wannabes. Howard went off on them for a short time and then Gary said they had Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys there.
Howard had Brian come over to talk to him. Brian disappeared for a minute but eventually showed up. Howard introduced him to everyone there. Howard said he had been trying to track him down for a long time. He talked about hearing a story about how he was with Joan Rivers and he didn't think that could be true. Brian said he did spend some time with Joan. Howard asked if Brian was all alone today. He was so Howard figured that he wasn't with this Dr. Landy guy he was always with in the past.
Howard talked to Brian about some of his music and said he had a lot of questions for him. He asked Brian about this Dr. Landy guy and how it is being around the guy 24 hours a day. Howard said he can't even be around himself 24 hours a day. Brian told Howard about his issues and how he's gone from dirty to clean in 1 year.
Howard asked Brian about John Stamos being in the Beach Boys and why they do that. Brian said John loves being in the band. Howard said he never liked the guy but if Brian likes him then he'll have to go with him on that.
Howard talked to Brian about his new music and why this Dr. Landy got writing credits on his songs. Brian said the guy can do a lot and he did write the songs with him. Howard said he should have a lot more money than he has. Brian said they had bad management over the years and they got all messed up. He said he's not worried about that though. He worries about his health first and then the money just falls into place.
Howard talked to Brian about Dr. Landy and if he goes out on dates with him. Brian said he doesn't have to be there but indirectly he is there.
Howard asked Brian about getting sucked into the whole Charles Manson thing. Brian said he didn't, that was one of the other guys in the band.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Brian and said he had to take a break. After the edited out break Howard came back and talked some more with Brian. Brian said he had to go to the bathroom but he'd be gone for just 3 minutes. Howard let him go and talked about how distracted he was by the other stations he was. Howard asked Gary what was going on with Brian. Gary said Brian is in the bathroom and the Cowsills were there playing music. Howard said they brought them out there and they were with another station. Howard said he should tell them to go home. He said his blood is boiling with these other stations in there.
Howard said Brian was back. He talked about how he wanted to get another room for tomorrow's show. He said that Brian must know what it's like to be ripped off. Brian said he didn't get angry when other bands tried to sound like them. Howard said he's crazy over this whole thing. He said he might need Dr. Landy. Brian said he could probably help.
Howard said he might have a nervous breakdown with all of the other stations there. Howard got back to Brian and asked if he has any special ladies in his life. Brian said he doesn't right now. Howard asked why the Beach Boys didn't put him on their new album. Brian said he wanted to be on the record and he's kind of upset about it. He said he did get paid for it though. He said he's pretty much set.
Howard said that he's upset that Dr. Landy is getting writing credits and he's just hoping that he's actually writing. Brian said he is, very much so.
Howard spent more time talking to Brian about this Dr. Landy guy and about Brian's therapy. Howard suggested that he never get electro-shock therapy. He said that just can't be good. Brian said he never had that. Howard took another break and then came back with more Brian.
Howard spent some more time talking to Brian about a bunch of various things. He talked about how great he is on radio and how embarrassed he is to be in the same room with the other radio shows in that room. Howard said it's like his broadcast is like a Polish wedding all of a sudden. He spent some more time talking to Brian about the Beach Boys and all of that again.
17 Year Old Who Got Laid Because Of Private Parts Bus. 2/21/97. 7:00am
This kid called in to tell a story about how the Private Parts bus got him laid for the first time. He explained how he and his friend went to see the short trailer and sat next to some women who looked like prostitutes. He and his friend went to some hotel with the two women and managed to get laid. Just being around Howard Stern stuff seems to get people laid. It's an unusual side effect to listening to the show I guess. The kid's mother was in the room when he called Howard so she heard all of this stuff for the first time this morning. She got on the phone and told Howard that she was a little upset but the kid is 17 so it's just about the right time for him to start getting laid. She was pretty laid back about the whole thing. Sounds like a cool mom.
Steve Grillo...'bud i downt have a plaze to livea...heh heh' 2-21-96. Mike Gange and Steve Grillo are losing their home. Stuttering John has been subbing out his NYC apartment to Mike and Steve but John's landlord want's John evicted. From what I gather, John isn't supposed to be renting his apartment out to anyone and the landlord found out about Mike and Steve. John, Mike and Steve got in to a huge yelling match late this morning about this matter. Grillo thinks that John can't throw him out because he doesn't have any where else to go. That's not John's problem. Mike seems to understand this but he doesn't really want to move out either. All three say that they have lawyers trying to stop the eviction but one of the lawyers called in and told them all to shut up because they're all ruining the case. More on this when we get the whole story.
These arguments went back and forth for quite some time. Mike Gange was saying too much so the Lawyer asked him specifically to be quiet. Howard was wondering how he could get Steve Grillo out of his office. He was afraid he was going to squat in there too.
Howard said he loves the interns. He could watch this stuff going on all day long. Howard called the office and asked to speak to Grillo. Howard asked him if he was locking himself in there. Grillo said he just had to go in and cool off for a minute.
Howard talked to Anthony about them performing with socks on their penises. Howard said he used to put on puppet shows when he was a kid and he got them taken away from him. Anthony told Howard about how dangerous it can be and how you have to be careful about swiping the girls in the front row.
Howard and Anthony talked about the Grammy's since that's what Howard was out in L.A. for. They talked about Sinead O'Connor and some of the stuff she was in the news for. Howard did an impression of Sinead for a minute as he was talking to Anthony. He was pointing out how she rambles on and on about anything and everything.
Anthony told Howard about how they were going into the studio to record with Rick Rubin. Howard told Anthony that they know Rick and he wanted to help them out with some TV stuff. Howard said Rick thought he could do something with TV even though he has no experience with it. Anthony said he could have people eating French fries out of that big beard of his. Howard had to take a break but during the break he saw Robin checking out Anthony so he had him stick around. Robin seemed to be into him so Anthony took his shirt off for her. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Anthony and he seemed to be into her.
After an edited out break Gary asked Howard if he wanted to talk to some other band. Howard said he didn't want to talk to them. Howard said they already said no about this one chick. Howard said Gary should know better. Gary got all upset with Howard and Robin goofing on him. Gary said they dig making him run around like an ass. Howard said that's his job. Howard told Gary to get out of there. Then he called him back and told him to repeat after him. Gary walked away but Howard had John chase after him with the mic. Howard told Gary that he was unimportant and he should just serve, go to sleep and then wake up to serve him again. Gary said there is no escape. Jackie laughed his ass off.
Howard did a live commercial and ended up having to fart. Howard said he swore on his life that the fart he did yesterday was real. This was going to be real too. He had some good looking girls looking at him though so he had to get them kicked out. Then he ripped the fart into the mic. Howard said that was bad. He told Gary to keep Robin out of there. Howard told Gary to get him a pot. He has to make a movement.
Howard asked Gary how his son Jackson is doing. Gary said he's doing well. He told Howard about what he does and Howard goofed on him. Billy continued to do the impression of Gary talking about his kid.
Billy was cracking Jackie up so much he was turning bright red. Jackie said he had waited 3 years to use a joke that Billy had just used. Howard said he really was red. They wrapped up and ended the show after that.
Howard and the guys were back live this morning. Howard started the show talking about how they were back live. He said there was some concern that they were going to be off all week. That's why he has to quit Twitter now. He said he has too much contact with the fans now. He said he was on Twitter and there's a percentage of people who are lovely to you. He said there are people who are nice and ask him to send pictures of Beth out and things like that. He has a good time doing it. Then there are people who have a problem with everything you do and they let you know. Howard said someone told him to send out a picture of Beth and she wasn't too crazy about it but he did it. Howard said he Tweeted it or twitted it or whatever. He said someone asked why he was doing it because it was going to ruin his mystique. Howard said everyone has an opinion about it. Some people told him to stop sending out pictures and just do the show. Howard said other people will complain that he's not tweeting. Then people complain that he's tweeting too much when he does finally tweet.
Howard said he was on Twitter over the weekend and he was enjoying it for the most part. He said he's trying to figure out how to do it. It wasn't so easy. He said there are so many people tweeting that he can't follow it all. He said one guy said that Private Parts the movie was on. He said he tuned in to check it out and then he started to Tweet about the movie. Howard said he wrote some stuff about Paul Giamatti and people liked what they were seeing. He kept tweeting things about the scenes that were on. He said people were enjoying reading about that.
Howard said the fans were watching the movie along with him. He said he then got a tweet back from someone telling him he was doing it too much because his phone was going off too much. Howard said he figured people wanted to hear from him. He said it turns out they only want to hear from you occasionally. Howard said it turned out to be a brilliant thing and they were doing reports about what he was doing and how revolutionary it was. Howard said Jeff Probst liked it so much that he's going to start Tweeting during Survivor to tell people what goes on behind the scenes. He said David Spade did the same thing with one of his movies. Howard said he felt good about what he did but there are fans of theirs who are just insane.
Robin said the fans are nuts. She said they'd be miserable if he did get off of Twitter. Howard said he has to block some people because they're so annoying. Howard said that people ask about Artie and he really doesn't know what's going on with the guy. He said people are just such retards. Howard said he's not concealing anything from them.
Howard said that he was feeling good about the Private Parts thing and then all of this contact with the audience was too much. He said he was on vacation and people couldn't believe they weren't around last week. IT was their regularly scheduled vacation. He said that yesterday was another vacation day and people freaked out over that.
Howard said he had to come to a decision about staying there or leaving. He was ready to leave. Howard said he was going to retire but he has this great team of people there. He said he wasn't sure if he'd be bored at home or not. He said he likes the paycheck too. Howard said he decided to stay and worked out a deal that was acceptable to him. He said they're going to be working less. He said they won't be there as much and he's hoping that the time they are there will be special. Howard said they're talking about bringing more people to the channels too.
Howard said that's the other thing that he's getting Tweets about. He said people keep asking where Bubba is. He said he's still working on all of that. Howard said that he's trying to keep up with the Tweeting and he tried to do it every day. People would get upset with him when he did Tweet or when he didn't Tweet.
Robin said she didn't Tweet during vacation because she had no reception. She said people were wondering what she was doing too. Howard said it's crazy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he should do less Tweeting and concentrate on getting Bubba back. Howard said this is what he has to deal with on Twitter. He said that some people loved the Tweeting about the movie. This caller thought it's gay. The guy said he misses Bubba. Howard said he agrees and he's looking into some other personalities and he's trying to figure out what kind of budget they have.
Howard played a news report about his Private Parts tweeting. It was from Good Day L.A. so Jillian Barberie was talking about that. Howard said he Tweeted a picture of Beth out there with a tittie shirt on and he asked Jillian what she was wearing but never heard back. Howard said he was trying to get Alyssa Milano to do some stuff too.
Howard ended up talking about what happened over in Egypt with the 60 Minutes reporter. Howard said he's watching what's going on in Libya too. He said that they're all fucking nuts over there. They're wondering where the rest of the world is to help them out. He said that they're so busy with the Jews that they're not hating the people who are enslaving them.
Howard talked about what they did to this reporter and how some other women tried to save her. He said that female reporters should sit this one out. He said things are just too crazy over there. He said they beat Laura Logan and Anderson Cooper. Robin said that everyone should stay away. She said that they don't just jostle people over there.
Howard said Ashley Banfield was talking about what it's like to go around the world as a reporter and it's really whacked out. He said women get groped and kids will out their hands all over you too. He said they should all go fuck off around the world. He said that they're their own worst enemies. Robin said none of them can hear him so she's not sure why he's yelling at them.
Howard said he was looking for a camera the other day and he was on Twitter talking about that. He said he went to get a better camera but no one was answering the phones. He said this guy from Adorama saw he was posting and they had the camera. Howard said he went down to their store and bought it. Howard said they were downtown somewhere. He said he has a friend who was helping him out with the camera set up. He said he's trying to upgrade his pictures from what he takes now. He said he has a point and click thing going on and he wants to do something nicer. He got a Nikon D7000 instead. He wants to do some family stuff and he wants quality.
Howard said he wants to learn more about photography. He said he doesn't play chess anymore so he's going to get into photography. He wants to be an expert in a lot of things instead of just a few. Howard said the next thing to learn about is how to remove moles.
Howard said the Twitter thing was making big news so he played some more news reports where they mentioned his Tweets. Howard played a Dan Patrick report where they talked about that. Howard said there was a lot of positive feedback. He played another news report where they talked about his Tweets.
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Howard played some of Dylan's performance. He said he came out with this gravely voice and it was pretty bad. Howard said it seemed reasonable as they started with the music. Then Dylan started to sing. Howard said he didn't look all that great either. Howard laughed when he hear his voice. Howard said they couldn't drown him out anymore than they were. He said he sounds like that dog on that heavy metal album. Robin wondered why they invited him. Howard said they must have figured he still had something going on. Howard played some of the heavy metal song where the dog is the singer in the band. Fred said the dog is Basil and the band is Caninus. The dog died recently. Howard wondered what happened to Dylan.
Howard said Bill Murray is supposed to be calling in this morning. They had a mix up once where Bill was supposed to call in but didn't. Howard said he's not sure if he'll actually call in though.
Howard said that Dylan sounds kind of like Henry Hill the time he was messed up outside the Sirius building that time. He played some audio of that. Lisa G was interviewing him outside the building that morning and she thought that he wanted to cum on her face when he really said he wanted a Caramel Machiatto.
Howard said the other thing was Eminem saying ''fuck'' during the Grammy's. Howard said that they cut half the song out when you curse live now so it was a mess. He said he was cursing so much that they actually missed one of his ''fucks.'' Howard played that audio. He laughed when he heard him sounding all angry. He said it's pretty wild.
Howard said Pat Monahan thanked him too. He said that was a big deal. Robin said she was like ''Finally, someone remembered.'' Howard said he wrote Pat a note after that and he thought it was a big help for Beth to see that while they were laying in bed watching. Howard said that was a great moment for him. Howard had the audio of that too. He said Pat wrote him back and said he should have thanked his wife but he was concentrating so much on thanking him that he forgot. Howard said Pat wrote the song about his wife so that should be enough. Howard said Amber looked great at the show. Howard played the audio of Pat thanking him. Pat thanked a bunch of people and saved Howard for last.
Howard said when Pat said that there were a group of people who were there for them when they were at their lowest, he's right. Howard said that he always let Pat and the guys come on the show when they wanted to. Howard said he thinks they deserved it. Howard said Pat made good on his promise. He played the audio of Pat saying that he was going to thank him the last time they were on the show. He made good on that promise. Howard said he's sorry that Amber wasn't thanked. He said he loved that too. He won't be leaving Pat.
Howard and Robin talked about Lady Gaga and how she's like a rip off of Madonna. Howard said that her song is very similar to Madonna's song. Howard played some of her performance. He said it is very Madonna like. He said her whole career is a rip off of Madonna's. Her song sounds very much like one of Madonna's songs too.
Howard said he saw Lady Gaga on 60 Minutes and she's very caught up in her struggle. He said she was giving speeches to her audience and she calls her fans ''little monsters.'' He said he wouldn't be a fan if that's what she called him. Howard said a guy in the paper was saying that it's a little much to give these speeches. She talks about being free and being yourself. He said she must have been goofed on as a kid and she's just like everyone else with that. Most people aren't good looking and they know what it's like to be goofed on.
Howard said he's going to be shooting the cover of Rolling Stone later this week. He's going to have an article about him in the issue. They're rushing it out though. He said he still loves the magazines even though he's had some issues with them. He said they had one guy write that they were no good the first day they were on at Sirius and that upset him. He said he still likes the magazine though. He said it still means something to him to be on the cover. Howard said he hopes that he can help them out a little bit and sell some copies.
Howard said he has to figure out how to look good for the magazine. They have some ideas for the cover and they're high concept. He said he's not coming out of any egg or anything. He said he just wants to look human. He had an idea to be naked on the ground being beaten by Egyptians but they didn't want that. Howard said they could have them yelling out ''Jew! Jew! Jew!'' as they're doing that. Howard said he hopes the new leader of Egypt is even worse than the guy they ousted. He said he'd like to go in there and flatten that place Pyramids and all.
Howard said he doesn't like Pyramids. Robin said they're burial things and they weren't meant to be used for a home or for touring. Howard said that those people should stop with the Jew thing because they're not the ones who enslaved them. Howard said that they should read a paper once in a while.
Howard said he saw the Justin Bieber movie ''Never Say Never.'' It was sent to him to watch. He said Justin said he was dedicating it to him and Beth so he watched it. Howard said he enjoyed the movie actually. It's no a concert film. He said it's about how he was discovered and it was about his management. Howard said his fans are girls from the ages of 5-12 or so. Robin said it might be 14. Howard said it's like the whole David Cassidy thing. He said the kid has talent. Howard said he put tapes of himself up on YouTube and some guy saw the tape and flew the kid out and hooked him up with the right people. He said they created this phenomenon. He said the kid sells out all over the country.
Howard said he found the movie very good and it was a great documentary about how to market a pop star. Howard said the kid is evidently fucking that Selena Gomez chick. Howard said they must be fucking. He said he saw the kid tweet that he was dedicating it to him and Beth so he wrote back that he was going to dedicate a Sybian ride to him. Then he realized the kid is just 16. He said they're very smart in the movie when they put in some songs of his. He said the movie is very good and it's shot well and you don't have to be a fan of his to like the movie. Howard said it's like a documentary of how to build a career.
Robin said she saw a lot of Janet Jackson being interviewed. Howard said that none of that family ever says anything. He said that Latoya used to say stuff but they got a hold of her and now she says nothing. Howard said they wrapped her up like a Scientologist and locked her up. He said she was a great guest when she would come on the show.
Howard mentioned this reporter who had some trouble speaking during a news report the other night. Howard played the audio of her having this issue. He said that she didn't have a stroke but it was some kind of migraine or something. Robin said they had a name for it.
Howard said he had the TV on in the bathroom while he was showering and the girls on FOX news are so hot. He said that he wants to have a FOX News Beauty Pageant. Howard said that there was one chick who was so hot. He said that her name is actually Martha MacCallum. He said that she's dreamy and she can read the fucking news. Howard said that he was in a sexual frenzy watching this chick. He said Rupert Murdoch knows what he's doing. He they don't put a desk in front of these girls. He said this girl was crossing and uncrossing her legs and it was making him nuts. Howard said all of these women are hot. He said they are so powerful at FOX that they can fire these chicks and not even get sued over it. Howard said they constantly change these women around. He said Rupert must be like Lonnie from Scores Rick's. He said that they get rid of girls and you never hear from them again.
Howard said that Rupert has figured it all out. He said the women can speak well and they can read. He said that this Martha is amazing. JD said they dress in tight sweaters and stuff. Howard said you don't even have to look at pictures on the internet. He said that you can just watch the girls on FOX.
Howard said he was thinking of beating off to the news. He thought that would be weird though. He wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he thinks that guy judges American Idol now. He said he's loving that Steven is doing that. He said he enjoys him on American Idol. He said that he checked around and found out that he and J-Lo both needed the money. He said he got the whole story about J-Lo but he doesn't want to talk about it on the air. He said he'd talk to Robin about it off the air. Howard said he had a highly confidential source tell him about that.
Howard said he's going to dinner with Robin tonight. Robin said she sent him a message. She said she BBM'd him. Howard said he doesn't have BBM anymore. He said that he doesn't like that BBM because you can tell when he reads stuff. Howard told Robin to text him instead. Howard said that anyone who knows him can't BBM him anymore. Howard has an Android phone now.
Howard said they're going to be taking Jason and Will out tonight. Robin said ''How wonderful!'' Howard said ''We'll see...'' Howard said he and Robin will talk and they'll ignore Jason and Will. Howard said they're having a dinner party tonight for the four of them. He said that he doesn't want anyone mentioning where they're going. Howard said Benjy might be crying over there. He said some day he'll get a dinner. He said he actually had one and that was the last one.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve came in and Howard had Captain Janks on the line to complain about some reports that Steve is doing. Janks said that Steve is reporting that he's not paying his restitution payments but he has been doing that all along. Howard said that Janks was ordered to pay these payments to the people he ripped off. Janks said he has checks to prove that he's making his payment. He said he's on probation and his probation officer is happy with what he's doing.
Howard asked Steve what his side is. Steve said this wouldn't be the first time that Janks didn't like what they were reporting. Steve said he has some paperwork that shows he was late paying some payment. Janks said he told his officer about this and he was out of work so she told him to resume payments when he was ready. He said that he got back to the payment a month later and he paid more money for the time that was lost.
Steve asked Janks how much he pays. Janks said that's not his business. Steve said that he was just reporting on the paperwork that was filed. Howard said the story sounds accurate. Janks said that there's something else going on that Steve knows nothing about. He said he got a letter in the mail saying that his account was going to go into collection because nothing was being paid. Howard cut him off and said that he's bored with this stuff. He said there are times he'd like to make the whole news department go away.
Howard said he's going to say this. He said that Janks was late a couple of times but he's back to paying and that's that. He said he's not going to go on about it anymore. Janks got in a plug for his Twitter account which is @kingcranks.
Steve said they have more to report. He told Howard about how someone put a bag of excrement in this woman's mailbox. The woman was the one who said that she didn't support Gary being put in the parks and recreation committee up in his home town. Steve said Gary met with this woman, Colleen Jenkins, for 90 minutes about that. Howard said this position is an unpaid position and it's turned into a nightmare. Howard said it has nothing to do with anything relevant. He said that Gary works for a guy who is a madman on the radio and that's that.
Steve said they caught JD red handed asking a woman to fellate a dildo on Facebook. Steve said that the woman is a speech pathologist. Gary said they have the interview that they did with this woman. Howard said he doesn't get the story. Gary told Steve to tell the story. Steve said this is a woman who does movies on the internet about cooking and JD started a relationship on the internet with her. Howard said this sounds crazy.
JD came in and told Howard that the girl's new boyfriend told everyone about it. JD said he was talking to this girl back and forth for a little while. This happened last April. He said that they spoke for a while and talking to girls just doesn't work for him. Howard said he doesn't know what JD is saying. Gary said they could play the report.
Gary said that the guys think that JD has gone to a very odd place. They think that he won't talk to a woman in any way unless he can fuck them. Gary said that there's a girl there who is on Superfan Roundtable and JD won't talk to her because she's not willing to fuck him. Howard said when you ask a woman if you can fuck her they're not going to be into that. Howard said some women need to get to know you first. He said he knows that JD is a stud but he has to put in some time talking to them. He said JD is going to a very dark place. Robin said he should be talking to him like a probation officer, not a father. She said he sounds like he's close to committing crimes.
Howard said he heard that JD was upset that a stripper wasn't giving him her number the other night. JD said they're taking this all out of context.
Howard asked JD what happened with this woman on Facebook. JD said they chatted on camera one time and nothing happened. He said he was talking to her and he told her what he's done with other people on cam and it came out. Howard said this is always going to come out if you do that with fans of the show. Howard said that he can't be doing that if he doesn't want it coming out. Robin said he has to know that he's a high profile guy and it's going to come out.
Gary said he had some audio of this woman explaining her side of the story. Howard played the news report where this woman said that JD offered her $50 to fellate a dildo. She found it creepy. Steve said that there were others who had similar things happen with JD. Howard asked JD if that gets him off watching chicks blow a dildo. JD said it does get him off. Howard said he's wild. He said he's a really horny guy. Howard said he never wants to see a chick sucking on a piece of plastic thinking that it's his own dick. JD said he's 31 and he's single. He said he doesn't go out in public much.
Howard said JD is like the poor man's Charlie Sheen. Charlie gives $50,000 and JD pays $50. JD said he's not feeling very okay right now. Howard said that maybe he'll Skype him tonight and suck on some plastic. JD said he's too busy with Will and Jason. Howard said he almost took JD to dinner. Robin said she's glad he didn't.
Robin said she feels like they had a child and things are going terribly wrong. JD said this isn't the first time this stuff has come up. It's come up before. Robin said it disturbs her every time. JD said that the news department likes to fuck with him.
Howard said it doesn't sound that crazy to him. He said he gets how JD got there. Robin said that JD is getting to the point where he thinks this is how to talk to all women. JD said that's not what's happening. Howard said that JD asked a woman to eat peanut butter off her pussy once too. JD said he's tried to forget about that. Howard said JD and Sal are into some weird shit. He said that JD is into some freaky shit and he should be partying with Charlie Sheen.
Robin asked if this is in the realm of normal. Howard said it's not. Howard said he likes porn and all of that but he never wants to see weird stuff. Robin said she gets the feeling that he thinks that this is normal and she's worried about him. Howard said he is becoming more and more of a recluse. JD said that's true. Howard said he needs to get out more.
Howard said JD is going to be like Ralph who sits in his apartment all the time and he's very anti-social. JD said he's already like that. Robin said she's very worried about him. Howard said JD is never going to be with a chick one on one and have a long term relationship. JD said he's not right now but he doesn't know what will happen.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that JD is acting like one of these senators or Brett Favre. She said she likes JD but he's a weirdo and he's out of control. Howard asked Mariann if she would go on Skype and suck on a dildo for him. Mariann said no to that. She said JD is doing this all the time and he won't even speak to her when she says hi to him. JD said that's because he doesn't know her. Mariann said he's a weirdo and that's why his mother went to Hawaii. JD gave Mariann a ''fuck you.''
Howard said JD was on Celebrity Superfan Roundtable and it was really good. He said that Natalie Maines and Jeff Probst were very good doing the show and he thinks that Jeff should get Regis' spot. He said they did a great job with that show. He said they had some great guests. Howard said JD came in and he was getting some shit from someone. He said that they were talking about getting rid of someone from the show and Dan Patrick said something about getting rid of JD. JD then came in and mumbled something. Gary said the visual was really funny because Dan is so good announcing and he was laughing in JD's face when he'd try to talk.
Robin asked Howard if he has to have a private discussion with JD. Howard said it hasn't come to that yet. JD said he just doesn't want to be reported on anymore. Howard asked JD if he's upset with Janessa Brazil. JD said he wishes that no one had told Will about that. Howard said she charges by the minute. Gary said it's $5 a minute and JD is good for 20 minutes or so. JD said it's never 20 minutes. He said it's just a few minutes. Howard said he thinks JD is alright. He said he really doesn't want to know about it.
Howard asked JD if he thinks he has a problem. JD said he's not sure if it's a problem. He said he has a lot of problems though. Howard asked if he has a problem with sex. JD said he's inexperienced. Howard said he has the whole thing figured out. He said that in a nutshell JD, for whatever reason, has had a life where he has very little social skills. He doesn't sit home fantasizing about sharing his life and his apartment with a woman. He said he's not thinking about a relationship. He's very guarded against being hurt and having relationships with people. Howard said he's more comfortable being alone and having this solitary life. When he does want to have a relationship he does it over the internet with hookers or social workers or whatever you want to call them.
Robin said she thinks that every girl is a girl who JD would ask to suck his dick as normal conversation. Howard said he's not that bad. He told JD to get out of there because no one cares. JD thanked the news department. Howard told JD to calm down with all of that shit. Howard said JD should be beating off on YouPorn like he does. Howard said he's no angel himself. He said he likes babysitter porn. Howard said he shouldn't have to pay for sex. He said he can go to strip clubs once in a while but not every day. Howard told JD that he shouldn't be paying for sex that much.
Howard asked Steve if he has anything else. Steve said they checked into Robin's speeding ticket and they found that she has not paid that ticket yet. Robin said she has to get on that. She could have her license suspended if she doesn't pay. Robin said she will get on that and thanked Steve for reminding her.
Steve said that Ralph Howard has returned to the news just 6 months after lung surgery. Steve said that he is back and sounding better than ever. Robin said that's a miracle. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he thinks that Beetlejuice is a one hit wonder. He said the guys were trying to come up with another song for him but it's not very good. Howard said they did a song about Texas and it's not all that good. Howard told Fred to play the ''This is Beetle'' song first. Fred played that one and Howard said it's good. Howard said that this Texas song isn't very good.
Howard played the new Beetlejuice song and told Robin to let him know what she thinks. Beet sang about Texas and the guys put some music in there. Robin was laughing when she heard it. Robin said she wasn't liking it at first but now she's liking it. Howard said maybe he jumped too soon. He said that he knew with the Beatles right away if he liked it. He said maybe he was wrong about this song.
Howard said he doesn't know much about this group Lady Antebellum but they won a Grammy and their song sounds a lot like the Alan Parson's Project song ''Eye in the Sky.'' Howard played a mash up of the two and they did sound very similar. Howard said they won a Grammy for that and Alan is sitting home picking his hole.
Howard said that he was talking about Celebrity Superfan Roundtable earlier and one of the issues they talked about was about how far he went with his sexual activities while he was single. Howard said he assures them that he went all out during that time. Howard said no one was clear on what ''all out'' meant. Howard said he was in a fevered frenzy during that time. He said he was going out with 2 or 3 women in a day at times. He said he was with women when he should have been in bed. He was out of control. Howard said he should have been home sleeping when he was out there with women.
Gary said that they were wondering on a scale of 10 how bad he was. Howard said he was a 10. He was doing more than Charlie Sheen. He said it was too much at the time. Gary said he knew it was crazy when he heard Howard would go out at 8 at night. Howard said he was on a mad dating frenzy. He said he met some people on the show and some at parties, just walking around shopping or strip clubs. He said that he would get to know some people doing that. He said he didn't just take them home.
Gary said Dan Patrick wasn't buying the Carmen Electra story. Howard said no one asked anyone to buy anything. He said there were famous people he'd meet and have sex with. He said he had a lot of sex. Benjy said he's intrigued with him meeting strangers. He asked if he would have sex the same day he met someone. Howard said he didn't do that. He'd meet people and get to know them.
Howard said there were times when he'd score in minutes with people. Howard said getting regular girls isn't that hard. He said he was at a party once where he met a celebrity. He said this person had never met him before. He said it took 15 minutes for her to tell him that she wanted him. Howard said she brought him up to the bathroom to blow him at this party. He said he was very uncomfortable because there were some people waiting in line for the bathroom and they were famous directors. Howard said he did stop the blow job but she tracked him down later in the evening. He said he had people banging on the door. Howard said he didn't care what people thought though.
Howard said that woman found him in his room later that night. Howard said she was very famous. He said he's not sure if she's A-list. He said that she's Red Carpet material but maybe not A-list. He also said it wasn't just one. Howard said he just met this woman at the party and that's what happened. Gary said that is a frenzy. Howard said that was for Dan Patrick and Isaiah Mustafa who didn't believe he was on that much of a frenzy.
Howard said he was happy to hear that Rosie O'Donnell called into the Celebrity Superfan Roundtable. He said she was very nice to him in that call. Gary said she revealed something about how she had asked Mia Farrow to call Howard and talk to him about laying off of her. Howard said he doesn't even remember that. He said he's had so many things happen to him in his life he can't remember them all.
Howard asked the guys to get him the article so he could read it. He said he had some other things to get to and he likes this Mike Huckabee playing bass on his show. He said he's very good at it.
Howard said he tuned into the Glenn Beck show and he had to turn it off because he was talking about abortion. Howard said the guy is out of his fucking mind. Howard said he has to remember that he was a morning zoo keeper at one point. Howard said the guy started in about how no one would be able to kill a baby if the woman had a window into her belly. Howard said he would still be able to do it. Howard said there are kids who are going to grow up deranged because they don't have someone to love them. He said that if Glenn Beck was raising all of these unwanted kids then maybe he'd be okay with that. He said that there are a lot of young girls how would rather kill themselves than go to their parents about getting pregnant and those are the girls who they need abortion for. Howard said someone has to take care of the unwanted kids and that's just not happening. Howard said Beck is a raving lunatic. He said it's dangerous what the guy is doing.
Howard said that Mike Huckabee might be another abortion nut but he seems okay. Howard said that he had Ted Nugent on his show and Nugent got up and started playing the national Anthem. He said it was so great because he can play the fuck out of that guitar. Howard had the audio from that performance. Howard said that all of the old geezers on the show were fist pumping so it was pretty wild. He played the clip and said he wishes he could play like that. Howard said it was just one guy playing that. He loved the way he was playing more than one note at a time. He asked Fred what he was doing. Fred tried explaining it to Howard.
Howard said the director was great because he kept the camera on him while he played. He said he gave that performance a thumbs up. He said they should ask him to do the National Anthem at the Super Bowl.
Howard said he was reading about this Iraqi Vet who was at Columbia University who got spit on and booed while he was talking to the students. Howard said the guy should be allowed to have an opinion.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows the chick he was talking about earlier. He said it was Andy Dick. Howard said he had better keep that quiet. Howard said Andy is A-list. Howard said that Andy is much stronger than him. He thanked the guy for calling and asked him to keep that quiet.
Howard said he heard some other stuff on Celebrity Superfan Roundtable. He said they were talking about what it must be like for him to watch ''Private Parts'' now that he's divorced. The movie was like a love letter to his first wife. Howard said it's tough to watch because of that. Howard said that it feels embarrassing to him that it's a movie about how good his marriage is and his marriage fell apart. He said it was painful and it was downright sucky to watch the movie. Howard said he loved making the movie though. He said that makes him happy but the side of him with the love story is sad. He said he's divorced and remarried so it makes him feel retarded. Robin asked if Beth has seen the movie all the way through. Howard said he doesn't think she has.
Howard said that they were also talking about Sal crying in there the day he fooled him into thinking he was retiring. He said Sal isn't that good of an actor. Robin said that she was talking to Sal the other day and he said it was real to him that it's the last 5 years.
Howard said Natalie Maines wished that JD had taken the psychological exam. Robin said they need to get another round of people to take that test.
Howard said they asked Rosie O'Donnell if he would be a good match for her new TV show. Howard said she doesn't think so. He said he might have to agree with her on that. Howard said that he was reading Oprah's magazine this weekend and he saw that she had a big ad for Sirius in the magazine and his picture was missing from it. Howard said Oprah can't put his picture in there.
Howard said that David wanted to come in and spend the week there. Howard said that he would be open to it but there will be times when he'll ignore him. He said David understands that so he might be coming in shortly. He might be spending some time with them. He said he think that David will be on Oprah today. He thinks. Then he was corrected and told that he'll be on Thursday.
Robin said she saw that Mike Tyson is going to have a show about him on Animal Planet that will feature him and his pigeons. She said he's still very interesting.
Howard said that he heard that the lead singer of Muse is banging Kate Hudson. He said he heard that she's knocked up again too. He said that she should take care of the one kid she has at home and stop it. Howard said she had to have someone new and now she's waling around pregnant with her dress cut out.
Howard played some of Muse's performance from the Grammys. He likes that song they played. Howard said Barbra Streissand performed at the Grammys too. He said he doesn't get her at all. He played some of that performance and goofed on her a little bit. Robin said she wanted to hear if she still has a voice. Robin heard some of that and said that she doesn't have a voice anymore. She talked about how great she used to be and how it's just not there anymore.
Howard asked Robin if he ever told her about meeting Barbra at a party... He was joking about the famous chick that blew him. Howard said he was just joking about that.
Howard said he saw John Mayer, Norah Jones and Keith Urban playing a song and that Keith Urban is a good guitar player. Howard said he had no idea. Robin said he really is good. Howard said he must be miserable being married to Nicole Kidman. Robin said he does look like he's having a horrible time. Howard said he wishes that he looked like him. Robin wondered if that was his real hair though. Howard said that he saw John Travolta with no hair piece on and he looks good. Howard said Travolta should get rid of the air piece all together. He said he's a good looking dude.
Howard and Robin talked about how Travolta never flinches when there are stories about him being gay or anything like that. He never even makes a statement. He just ignores it and keeps going. Howard said no one bothers him about it either.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Debbie Schlussel was bad mouthing the woman who was attacked in Egypt, Laura Logan. Howard said he didn't hear anything about that but he may have to have Debbie on the show to hear her point. Howard said that if he was CBS News he'd sit down with all of the women on their news staff and tell them to stay away from the Middle East. Howard said they don't have an education over there and they're so backwards and filled with lunatics that they have to have leaders who run their country the way they do. Howard said that they have to tell them that Allah is mad at them and that's the only way to scare these people.
Howard said that everyone from this country is a ''Jew'' to them over there. Howard said they have been so tortured by their government that they think that everything bad happening to them is caused by the Jews. Howard said that's what their leaders are telling them.
Bill asked Howard what happened to his show and where he's doing the show from. Howard said he's been doing it from New York. He said that he does the show in New York. Bill said he was down south. He said he was watching the news and it was kind of goofy news. He said it's not depressing but Egypt is already over and now it's Libya and Wisconsin.
Howard asked Bill if he's tortured by show business. Bill said no. Howard said he reads stuff about him that makes it seem like he's a tortured artist. He doesn't want a manager or an agent or anything like that. Bill said that hate is a strong word but he only lived in Los Angeles for 9 months. He said that the high point was the blooming jasmine at night. He said that he's from Chicago and he lives in New York now. He said he isn't a self starter so he has to be able to bump into people to have creative things going through his brain.
Howard said that Bill seems to have secluded himself and he won't contact anyone for months at a time. Bill said he's not in deep hiding. He said he is on Howard's show this morning. Bill said that when you have an agent the agent will call your house and let the phone ring forever. He said that he wonders why anyone would do that to anyone else. He said that they don't let it go.
Howard said you'd think that Bill would want the offers to come through. Howard said he heard that he missed out on some good movies because of that. Bill said he really hasn't. He said that if people really want you they will find you. Howard asked how people can find him. Bill said that he would have to chase him down.
Howard said he heard that Ghostbusters was written for John Belushi. He said he heard that Bill was offered the part of Han Solo in Star Wars too. Bill didn't remember reading that. He said that he has heard that story though. Bill said that he heard they wanted him to play Batman too.
Howard asked Bill if he thinks he's a genius. Bill said no. He said that he's pretty good at what he does but he's just as good as anyone in his neighborhood. Howard asked Bill about doing improv and if he likes that or acting in movies. Bill said he likes acting in movies. Bill said that he had some great fun doing Saturday Night Live. He said that Second City was another great experience. He said he had great teachers and a great education. Bill said you can do just about anything after doing SNL.
Howard asked Bill about working on SNL and if he likes Lorne Michaels. Bill said it was tough working there because no one wanted to work with him and he had some tough times. He said that Lorne is a unique guy and he's able to keep the people together over there. He said that he has managed to keep good people on the show. He said it's a tough building to keep that many good people in the room.
Howard asked if he still watches the show. Bill said that he did the show for so long that he doesn't watch it that much. He does watch it once in a while. Bill said that his friend will send him some of the best sketches. Howard asked if he sends over the bad ones. Bill laughed and said his buddy doesn't do that. He said this guy has been on the show since the same week he started on the show.
Howard asked Bill about the repackaging of the old SNL shows and if he gets paid for any of that. Bill said he got a check for 1 cent once. He said he hopes that they're paying the people who should be getting paid. He said they are making money off of those things and he hopes that they're paying the people who deserve it. Howard said he sounds like he's saying it sarcastically. Bill said that Lorne does help people when they need help.
Howard asked Bill why he doesn't host SNL. Bill said he does it once in a while. He said he really likes the group they have right now. Howard asked if he stays in touch with Dan Aykroyd. Bill said he is his friend for life. He said that he seems to be doing just fine. He said he has his interests and he keeps busy. He has a lot of different interests and he likes reading, driving cars and ghosts.
Howard asked Bill if he disliked Chevy Chase. Bill said that he does like him and he has no problem with him now. He said he does see him once a year or so. He hasn't seen him in a bit now but Chevy is funny and Chevy in life is almost funnier than everyone.
Howard asked Bill if he made love to all of the women on the show. Bill said ''Of course...'' but he was just joking.
Howard asked Bill if he's bitter about all of his divorces. Bill said no but said he was joking about that too.
Howard said he had Ron Howard in there and Ron told him a story about a script they were working on and how they ruined it because Bill was so hard to work with. Bill said they never really had a relationship so there was nothing to ruin. He said they did end up shooting this movie and Ron didn't want to make it so was kind of chagrinned to hear what he was saying. He said that he does like Ron and he's a nice person. He said he enjoyed him as an actor and he has had a long career. Howard said maybe the script just wasn't Ron's cup of tea. Bill said that it was odd that he didn't want to do it.
Howard said there was a time many years ago when he and Bill did Live at 5 the same night. Howard said he thought Bill hated him and he got very intimidated. He said that Governor Cuomo was there too. He said they all took a picture together and he was a nervous wreck. Howard asked Bill if they had a problem. Bill said that the guy who was most uncomfortable was Cuomo. Bill said that he remembers them telling him to get in the middle between Howard and Cuomo. Howard said that's his life.
Gary came in and said that Jerry Nackman came in and said that it was the decline of human civilization that day.
Howard asked if there is a Ghostbusters 3 and Bill is the reason that it's not being made. Bill said there is a script somewhere over there and he hasn't read it yet. Howard asked why he hasn't read it yet. Bill said he made the one sequel and it wasn't put together quite the way it was represented. He said the agents had foam coming off of them and they had come up with some story ideas and it was good. He said that they could do that one and he figured it would be fun. He said they had Rick Moranis and some other great people in the movie. Howard asked if Ivan wants to make it. Bill said he does. Bill said he does own Ivan one.
Howard asked how long the script has been sitting around. Bill said he's not sure. He said he will get to it eventually. Bill said that he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings but it's not the foremost thing in his head. He said the studios get excited about it and they want to recreate the franchise. He said they wanted to get a whole new crew in there to do it. He said they would like to keep it going because there are still kids today that like the movies. They still sell toys.
Howard asked Bill if he's worth over 100 million. Bill said he's doing fine and all of his bills are paid. He said that he doesn't make money from SNL anymore though. Howard said he must have had a crappy deal with Ghostbusters. Bill said he never really had a crappy movie deal. He said he didn't unless he worked for a friend.
Howard said he did ''Stripes'' and he must have done really well on that. Bill said that he's doing okay. He said every person that does a movie gets paid. Howard said he just got a check for his movie the other day. Howard asked Bill if he bought some minor league baseball teams. Bill said he did and the business is okay. He said that he's pretty good in his own business.
Bill said he thinks that Howard used to plug this car called the Sterling. Howard said he knows nothing about cars. Howard said he does read live commercials and he had a Sterling. Howard said he doesn't even know what that was. Bill said he used to plug this goofy car. Howard said he never had one. Fred told him it was an advertisement. Howard didn't even remember it. Howard said he doesn't have one. He hates driving.
Howard asked Bill about his big family and if it was tough growing up around 9 siblings. Bill said that some people would say that the middle child has to work hard to get attention.
Howard asked Bill if he's in therapy. Bill said he doesn't go now but he did have a about of depression. He said he had some complicated things going on and he had to figure it all out. Howard asked if he will ever get married again. Bill said that he isn't on eHarmony.com or anything. Howard asked how many times he's been married. Bill said it's been two times. Howard said he must have had a lot of chicks. Bill said that he's surprised that he ever went to work. Bill said it was a different time back then. Howard asked if he did a lot of drugs. Bill said he was never really into that. He said that it destroys your timing. He said he never got into cocaine or anything like that.
Howard asked Bill about his lounge singer character and if he's pissed that so many people rip him off. Bill said he's not upset about that. He said people do bits from movies and things like that and they like things that resonate in a moment.
Howard asked Bill if he had tons of famous women and if they're better than regular women. Bill said that the interesting thing about being famous is that women will speak to you. He said it's more interesting to talk to women when you can get them to talk. He said you don't have to be some kind of clever person to get them to speak to you. He said you don't have to play those games.
Howard said he's not an attractive man but women are willing to speak to him when he walks in a room because they feel safe in a sense. Bill said that it becomes apparent the older you get how important that really is.
Howard asked Bill to share the names of the women that he went through and what their sexual preferences were. Bill said he was crazy about Sissy Spacek back in the day but she wasn't interested.
Howard asked Bill if he'll ever get into the studio up there. Bill said he's been doing the show for a long time. Howard said he has been doing it like 35 years. Howard said he's still on radio but they're on satellite now.
Howard said Bill is promoting this movie ''Get Low'' and Robert Duvall is in it. Howard said he hasn't seen it yet. Robin said it's great. Howard said he will have to check it out. Bill told Howard how great Robert Duvall is in the movie and how surprised he was that he didn't get an Oscar for his role.
Howard said he thinks that Bill is upset that he didn't win for ''Lost in Translation.'' Bill said that getting nominated is like having a virus for a while. He said you get this weird sense about yourself. He said he was sick during that time and he didn't even realize it. He said he's glad he didn't win at this point. Howard asked if he walked away in a huff when Sean Penn won. Bill said he went to the party that night. He said he may have even gotten laid that night.
Howard asked Bill if he had many, many women. Bill said he had a couple of good ones. Howard asked if he had Sigorney Weaver. Bill said he did not. Howard asked if he likes getting older. Bill said it's not so bad. Howard said he hates it.
Howard asked Bill if he liked Andie McDowell in ''Groundhog Day.'' Bill said he likes her now but back then when he made Groundhog Day he hated waiting for her hair to get done. Howard asked how tough that was to deal with. Bill said there may have been more going on than that. He said he remembers one day he was eating cake in a scene and Andie forgot her lines and he kept eating cake in take after take. He said he sees the movie now and realizes how great it was though. Bill said that he didn't sleep with her. Howard asked if he had Gwyneth Paltrow. Bill said he didn't have her either. Bill said he doesn't even think about that. He said she was a wonderful girl though.
Howard said he could talk to Bill all day long. He said that he was going to let him go. He gave him some more plugs and asked him about working with Robert Duvall. Bill said the guy is a character and his performance in the movie ''Get Low'' is amazing.
Howard said he heard that Bill will show up to people's parties randomly. He asked if that's true. Bill said he does bring something and people are okay with it when you do that. He said if you behave and are polite then they're okay with it.
Howard asked Bill if he has a girlfriend now. Bill said he doesn't. He said he isn't that hung up on it right now. Howard said he has to find out what's going on with him. He has to get him in the studio.
Gary came in and said that Bill is up for an Independent Spirit Award this weekend. Bill said he didn't know that it was this weekend. Howard said there must be a ceremony. Gary said he thinks that the awards are on Saturday and the Oscars are on Sunday. Howard said he would go and accept for Bill if he wants him to. Bill said that there might be some other people there to accept for him. Bill said the party they have is a lot of fun.
Robin asked Bill if he has a whole trophy case of awards. Bill said he has them in a corner on a shelf. Howard said that's what he would do too. He said he would just shove them in a corner and not make a big deal out of them.
Bill asked Howard how things are going at Sirius. Howard said things are very good and he's loving it. He said they don't have any interference from the government now. Bill said that he used to hear Howard in rental cars and stuff. Howard said he could get him on his Smartphone too. Bill said that he liked XM because they had baseball. Now they're combined though so he could get both. Bill doesn't have a Smartphone or even email. Howard asked if he's on Twitter. Bill said there is someone on Facebook who has his name but that's not him.
Howard told Bill that he follows Steve Martin on Twitter. Bill told Howard that Steve used to hand people cards to people who would ask for his autograph. He said the card says that it acknowledged that the person had actually met him and it was really funny.
Howard said he had so many questions for Bill but he felt like he was holding him hostage. Bill told him to see this movie.
Howard asked Bill what he's doing today. Bill said he's going to go out and do some putting. He said he won a golf tournament last week. Howard said he heard about that. He let him go a short time later. Howard said he loves that guy. He wanted to get into his relationship with Letterman and things like that. Howard said he had a lot of things to talk to him about. He had him on for an hour and he had more to talk about. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had Robin start her news. Fred played her in with a Little Mikey song parody. Howard said that he had the Chris Rock quote that he meant to read earlier. Howard said that Chris said he's one bad mother fucker. He read some of the other stuff Chris said and he was saying that Howard would be the most brilliant comedian ever if they narrowed his act down to one hour a year like most comedians do with their material. Howard thanked Chris for the nice words. He said he would call Chris but he lost his number. He said that he's been getting organized again and he's setting up his phone with contact information. He said he has lost numbers because he didn't have a contact list like that.
Gary said he would try to get him the number. He just sent out an email to someone trying to get it. Howard said Chris' wife hates him. He said the poor guy has tried to get her it listen but she really hates him. Howard said that Chris can't convince her to even go out to dinner with him.
Robin started her news and talked about how she has to get her traffic ticket paid today. She said there's a UFO meeting in Scottsdale, Arizona this week. They'll be discussing alien abductees and things like that out there.
Howard said he has a very busy day today. He said he doesn't know how these people can go out looking for UFOs. Howard said there are so many people who don't contribute. He said they have so much free time. He said you just want to shake them. Fred threw in some Riley Martin mumbling clips while they talked about that.
Robin read a story about abortion laws and how they can't do one if they're doing it because of race or eye color or anything.
Robin read a story about people in Libya revolting against Muammar Gaddafi. Robin read some details about that and how they're cracking down on the revolt. Robin read that there were war planes dropping bombs on people there so he's not going out without a fight.
Robin read about an American being held on a double murder charge in Pakistan. They say that he was working as a body guard and he shot a couple of guys he claims were attacking him.
Howard said he saw a great movie over the weekend called ''Devil.'' He said he saw another movie about a model but he didn't say what the name of that one was.
Robin read about the earthquake that happened in Christchurch, New Zealand. She read some details about that and then Howard went to break.
After the break, around 9:55am, Robin got back to her news and read a story about the man who developed the SCUBA underwater breathing device, Christian Lambertson, and how he died at the age of 93. Robin said he developed the device in 1939.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard him saying that he was tsar struck with Bill Murray but they were stepping all over him. Howard said he didn't feel he was doing that at all. He said he was on for about an hour and he was just starting to get to stuff. He said he has a million questions for him. Howard said he doesn't know. He got frustrated and hung up on the caller. Fred didn't think he was stepping on him and said that Bill sounded very relaxed. Howard said he needs about 4 hours of Bill's time. He said he might have to have him sit in for a whole week.
Robin said there is some protests going on in Wisconsin. The governor is being very hard on the unions there and the laborers there are very upset. The governor is sticking to his budget plan. Robin had some audio of the governor talking about what he's doing.
Robin read about how Michael Bloomberg is expected to sign a law that would ban people from smoking in public places. Robin said the one place that's bad is the door in front of the building. She said they hide under the awning there and you have to walk through a smoke tunnel there. Howard said they don't like it. Robin had some audio of a smoker complaining about the new law. She had a really bad smoker's voice. Robin said the law goes into effect in 90 days.
Robin said that Gabrielle Giffords logged into Twitter and wished her husband a happy birthday. One of her staffers actually typed it into the computer. Robin said they are very optimistic that she's going to be fine. They said she may return to work in a few months. Robins said doctors are baffled at how quickly she's recovering.
Robin read a story about a company that came out with a GPS watch so people can keep track of their family members. Robin said the watch acts as a cell phone and a GPS. Robin said the device is $495 though and it has a monthly charge. This is aimed at Alzheimer's sufferers. Howard went to break after that.
After the break, around 10:10am, Robin got back to her news and read a story about the Knicks getting a big star player on the team. Robin said that Howard may not be able to get court side tickets if they get really big.
Robin read some news about George Steinbrenner's son mouthing off about the Yankees and saying that they've lost Eye of the Tiger. He said that they didn't go as far as they could have because of that. He gave a little jab to Derek Jeter.
Robin said that Piers Morgan is having Larry King on his show tonight. Howard said they just got rid of Larry over there. Howard said it might be more interesting to do that than have him on every night.
Robin read a story about Justin Bieber and how they have a new version of his movie out with 40 minutes of 3D material added to it. Robin said the movie will be extended by 10 minutes. She had some audio of Justin singing. Howard said he liked the movie.
Robin read a story about a guy who was criticizing the Grammy Awards because they snubbed Justin Bieber and Eminem. Howard thought he had a pube sticking through his pants but it turned out to be a string. He said that would have been amazing if it was a pube that made its way through his pants.
Robin read a story about Rihanna and how she was reportedly paid $500,000 to do a fund raiser and she canceled at the last minute. The next day she showed up to perform at an NBA game. Donald Trump said that her behavior was insulting to everyone.
Robin read about some new movies that are coming out. Robin said one of them is ''Drive Angry'' with Nicolas Cage in it. She had some audio of Amber Heard talking about working with Nick.
Howard said that Robin sent Joy Behar's ratings up when she filled in for Joy. Howard said they should give Robin a show over there.
Robin had some audio of Christina Applegate talking about working on her new movie ''Hall Pass.'' Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read about the new Liam Neeson movie ''Unknown'' and had some audio of one of his co-stars talking about working with him.
Robin read about Judi Dench's new movie ''Jane Eyre'' and had some audio of her talking about that. Howard didn't last long with that. Robin also had some audio of Robert Downey Jr. talking about working with Zach Galifianakis on ''Due Date.'' She also had some audio of Todd Phillips talking about making the movie. Howard hadn't seen it yet so he will have to check it out. He said he was too busy with ''Devil'' and that other movie. Robin said she was surprised that he liked that movie. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:20am.
Jon said that Howard also talked about going all out with his sexual frenzy. Gary said he has no idea who that celebrity was that he was talking about today. He said that maybe he could get Howard drunk and get it out of him. He said that he is pretty tight lipped about it though.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Bill Murray so he moved on to that. He said that Howard seemed to be enjoying that interview today. Gary said that Bill has been at the top of his list for a long time but he really has to get him into the studio. Gary said the interview was about what he expected. He said Bill is kind of out there but he means that in a positive way. He said he didn't think he was going to call in today.
Jon and Gary talked about some of the stuff Bill was saying during the interview and how he was saying he doesn't play those games with the Hollywood people. Jon said that he just does what he wants to do and he seems to be making a great living doing them. Gary said he's heard he's great to work with once you get him there.
Jon brought up the stuff Bill was saying about working on Saturday Night Live and how different things were back then. Gary said that was a totally different show back then. Jon said that he had to earn his stripes on the show and he had to do some different stuff to do that. Gary said he's been watching the show a lot more now. He said that they have a good cast right now.
Jon asked Benjy if Bill struck him as being eccentric. Benjy said he loves his attitude and he seems to do what he wants to do. Gary said Benjy is like Bill Murray without the talent or the hair.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Bill about Ghostbusters 3 and what the hold up is there. After playing that Gary said that for that movie to be really good it has to be an unbelievable script. Jon said that's true. He said that he was expecting that from Ghostbusters 2. He said that Bill talked about that during the interview too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he loved the Bill Murray interview. He also asked Gary if they're ever going to have Leonard Cohen in for an interview. Gary said he's pretty sure that hardly anyone knows who he is and he's not a household name. He said that they turn down a loot of people who are a lot more well known. Benjy knew who he was. Gary said that they pass on a lot of guests who are bigger than that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Bill is a very interesting individual and they really need to get him into the studio so they can see his reactions. He got the feeling that he was very Benjy-esque. Gary said he thinks that he would be very Benjy-esque live. Jon said he agrees that his sense of humor is very dry and it was hard to tell when he was joking. He said that if he's there they might be able to read it better. He said he doesn't think he's going to be less laid back in the studio though. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said he's looking at this on three levels. He went out with a girl at NBC who told Howard about all of the moves he tried to put on her. He said he understands that embarrassment. Gary said JD is also from the show so he's going to get thrown under the bus. He said he's also worried that he's getting into this and he won't be dealing with women on a more visceral level. JD told Gary he's right.
Gary asked JD what he would do if he couldn't talk to these women. JD said he doesn't know. He said he used to do things like this when he was just an intern. He would send out Myspace messages and things like that. Gary said that one of the interns there used to try to talk to JD but when she got married JD didn't want anything to do with her. Gary said she might have some friends and he could end up meeting other people. Jon said that they were saying that he doesn't want anything to do with women if they're married. JD said that he's not a fan of just talking and conversation. He said he knows that's a problem.
Gary said that women want to be talked to and he might do better if he spends that time talking. Will said it sounds like he wants to have sex with a woman without talking to her. He said it's like he wants to go out with a prostitute. JD said that all of the issues that come with having a relationship is what he doesn't want.
Gary said that JD was seeing that stripper. He asked what's going on with that. JD said he's not looking for a relationship with her. Gary said he's not looking for a relationship with anyone. That's a turn off to women. JD said there are a lot of things that turn off women. Gary said JD is a good guy.
Jon asked him again what's got him bummed out the most. JD said that he's just bummed about the whole thing. He knows he has social issues. He said he's 100 percent sure of that.
Jon asked if he thinks it's wrong of the news to report that story. JD said that it's putting someone's personal information out on blast and he's not sure how to react. He said nothing good is going to come of it. Gary said that Steve said the news isn't always pretty. JD said ''Well fuck him...''
Benjy said that it's a private thing but it's really no big deal. Gary said he's worried for JD that it's all he's doing. JD said that everyone is hearing about this. Will said that no one wants to be looked at as a creepy weirdo.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that JD needs a girl that he can trust who is married or not. She said that she doesn't find him creepy. She said he needs a girl who won't make fun of him and can give him some advice about going out. Gary said that JD may not want to be social. He asked if he just wants to fuck these girls. JD said he would like to be able to talk to someone but it never happens. JD said he never really wants to.
Jon asked JD if his standards are too high. JD said he just likes who he likes. He likes all types of girls. Benjy asked if this girl started out on a sexual level. JD said that he doesn't remember but he thinks that they were just talking on the web cam and going into things that they had talked about on the show. JD said he doesn't know. Will started laughing so JD told him to leave.
Jon asked how JD can deal with the perils of fame. Gary said that it's true and the fans have some place to call so there are perils.
Jon said this isn't the first time he's been thrown under the bus either. JD said he hopes it's the last time but he's not sure.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD has to know that he's on the Howard Stern Show so everything he does is going to be broadcast. JD said he tries to be private but shit happens. The caller said that he's going to get nailed if he keeps doing it. He said that they antagonize him to make him crazy on the show. JD said the news antagonized him by making that story the last story on Friday so he had to deal with it all weekend. Gary asked if he thinks that they were out to get him. JD said he does think that they like to embarrass him like that. JD said that at the end of the story they say they want more people to contact them. He just wants to be left alone. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about an issue he was having with his headphones. He fixed it in seconds though. Howard went on to talk about how Jessica Hahn was going to be stopping by today. He said that Miss Howard TV will be in too. She was supposed to be on yesterday but she got bumped for Bill Murray.
Howard said he went out to dinner with Robin, Jason and Will. He said he's still full from that. He said he woke up at 1:30 in the morning bloated from the food. They went to the legendary Reos. He said he was scrambling to put together some cash when he realized they don't take credit cards. He said they're like the only ones who don't take credit cars. Fred said that happened at another place he went to once with Howard. He said they didn't take them either.
Howard said he left an extravagant tip too so he can go back there. Howard said the place is really good and they're in Harlem. Howard said he figured he was in Harlem when he saw all of the black people there. Robin said they call it Hispanic Harlem there. Howard and Robin talked about the Ponce De Leon bank that's up there.
Howard said they went out and had some wine and Robin had her vegetables. Howard said he was concerned about that but it worked out. Howard said Robin had some desert too. She didn't eat the whole thing though. He said he doesn't have the will power. He said he just ate the tartufo. Robin said they ended up eating it with their fingers because it was too hard to break with the spoons.
Howard said everything flowed easily with the guys. He said that it all worked out and they had a lot of fun. Howard said they were eating dinner and met radio personality Joe E Reynolds. Howard said that he didn't know who he was but on the gift box it had his name. Howard said he would introduce himself if he went over to anyone. Howard said Joe should have done that too. Howard said he was just being friendly to the guy pretending that he knew who he was.
Howard said the guy was very nice and he brought over a cheesecake for him. Howard said he's not going to eat it so Jason or Will took it home. Howard said he thinks Will took it. Howard said he told Will to be careful with what he eats because a lot of radio guys are jealous of him.
Howard said Joe lives there in Spanish Harlem and he must not be doing too well if that's where he lives. Howard said he had no idea who the guy was until he saw that box though. Howard said he thinks he works on WOR. Gary said he thinks he's on overnight's. Benjy used to listen to him. He said he's not on WOR anymore. Benjy tried to find out where he was working.
Howard said he doesn't know Joe's history but you'd think he'd have money to live somewhere else. Gary said that he'd probably tell them that it's an up and coming neighborhood. Howard said he shouldn't have to live next door to Ponce De Leon bank.
Fred said that they do list him working for some TV channel that's on the internet or something. Howard said that's what he was rattling off last night but it wasn't clear where he was at.
Howard said he was talking to Kidd Chris the other day and he was sent out to another personal appearance. Howard said Chris told him about how he has to go out and give away free food and no one showed up this last time he went out. Howard said he drove like 2 hours to do it too. Howard said he thanks the lord Jesus Christ and any other god that he never had to go to small market radio again. Howard said when he'd see these guys working at these small stations it was really depressing. Howard said he'd see these older guys working and he had this trepidation about going into radio. They were at the top at one point and then they were doing personal appearances for these tiny stations.
Howard said that he could have ended up in some shithole but he had to do what he had to do. Fred told Howard that Joe E Reynolds worked at like 20 some stations. Howard said he seemed like a nice guy. He said he ran into Pat Metheney yesterday too. He said he's a really nice guy. That didn't happen at dinner though. Howard said he thought he did ''Boom, boom, out go the lights'' but Fred said that was someone else.
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Howard said Aspen is naked in some pictures they have on his web site. Howard asked who took them. She said that her boyfriend took some of them. She said she hasn't been with a man for a while now though. Aspen said that she has some other options while she's single. Howard asked if she likes to suck on dildos like JD likes women to do. She said she does that and she has a dildo that shoots out fake cum.
Howard said Aspen decided to get naked on the internet to make money and now she has guys paying her to get naked. Aspen said that Burger King didn't hire her either. She said she was just meant to be a cam girl instead.
Howard asked if she's intelligent. Aspen said she thinks she is. Howard said he can't imagine why they didn't hire her then. Howard said that if she walked into his restaurant he'd hire her just to be able to beat off to her. Howard said he'd marry her. Aspen said she should have walked in a bikini.
Howard asked if she was popular in high school. She said she wasn't. She said she was smart but also athletic. Howard said that you have to start young with that. Howard asked if she started with soccer or something. She said she actually ran and did swimming.
Howard asked how many times a day she takes a dump. She said it's not more than once a day. She said she does her best to do her daily duties.
Howard asked how she became a web cam girl. Aspen said that she never wanted to do anything like hooking. Howard said that if he offered her 10 grand would she do it. She said she would let him watch her fuck herself for that money. Howard said that she's a good girl. Howard asked if she was freaked out doing this on cam. She's only 20 years old. Howard asked if she told her parents. She said she didn't tell them until just last year. She said they handled it just fine. Aspen said that they couldn't afford to send her to college so they were fine with her making money like that.
Howard said the Howard TV guys have some video of her masturbating. Howard watched some of that and said that she looks like she's really good at it. Howard said she has a great body too. Howard asked Aspen about the place she works and what kind of money she makes. She told Howard about all of that. She's on a site called MyFreeCams.com. She told Howard that you can watch her for free and you can tip her if you want to. She said that she'll require some tips from people if they want her to continue.
Aspen told Howard she had one guy shoving tampons in his ass as he was watching her do a show once. She said that he ran out of money after shoving 12 in there. She said she had no idea what to do after that. She said she was in shock.
Howard said he must have wanted her to look at him while he did that. She said that she hasn't been doing too many one on one shows lately. She said she gets thousands of people in her room so she gets off on that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that she's the most gorgeous girl on MyFreeCams. He said that her room is filled immediately and guys throw tokens at her. Howard said he would do that so he could jerk off to her. Howard asked if the guys think they can hook up with her outside of the site. Aspen said that the majority of them don't want to do that. The caller said that she's very thankful for the money that they throw at her.
Howard had JD come in to meet this girl. He asked JD why he doesn't go on this site. JD said he's not on any site and MyFreeCams is kind of complicated with the tokens. Howard said that she enjoys doing what JD likes to see though. Howard asked if she would just start doing something without him even asking. Aspen said she'd hope that he'd ask her to do it. Howard said that he must want to see that kind of thing. JD said he's not in a good mood because another girl went to the news. Howard said that's what JD likes to see though.
The caller said that Aspen does a Sybian ride on her cam too. Howard said that she must make good money if she does that. She said she didn't pay for it herself. She had guys pay for the Sybian. Howard asked if she would ride the Sybian for them. She said she would never turn down a ride on one.
Howard had the guys set up the Sybian. Howard said that Aspen could be a model. She said she's very short though. Howard said they must have some room for shorter girls.
Howard asked Aspen if she does stuff with girls on her site. She said she does prefer to do that with girls. Howard asked if she ever walks around in a bikini. She said she doesn't usually go out in bikinis because she's a winter vacation kind of girl. She said she's very girl next door looking so she doesn't have guys hitting on her all the time. Howard asked if she's making over $100,000 a year. She said she is. She said she's investing in her future too.
Howard asked if she's ever going to try to get into In and Out Burger again. She said she hopes she never has to do that. Howard asked if she would ever try to get a sugar daddy. She said she wants to be successful on her own so she wouldn't do that.
Robin asked how she got into girls. She said that in elementary school she was called into the principal's office for snapping bras. She said that was like 4th or 5th grade. She said her first kiss with a girl was when she was like 15. Howard said he was touching the head of his penis while she talked about this. Aspen said she had a threesome at 16. Howard asked how that happened. She said she was at a party and they told her that she could sleep over so she got into bed with the other girl and started making out. Howard asked if she started to kiss her vagina. Aspen said that did happen. Howard asked if rockets went off for her. She said she had an orgasm.
Howard had Aspen get on the Sybian and take a ride on that. She kept her panties on. Gary told her she could take them off if she wanted. She kept them on. Aspen took her ride and Howard pretended to be throwing tokens at her on cam. Aspen moaned for a few minutes as Gary ran the machine turning the speed up to 100 percent. Aspen said it felt really good. She eventually finished after asking Howard if she could cum. Howard gave her a ''Whoa!'' when he saw her finish. She almost fell off the Sybian. She said she has violent orgasms. Howard said that was some performance. He said he'd give her a standing ovation. Howard said she almost tripped over the machine. She must not be used to it being on the stand. Howard told her to try and stand up. She was weak in the knees from the Sybian.
Gary asked Robin if she ever thinks about trying that thing out. Robin said no way to that. Howard said he's surprised that she didn't vomit after that ride. Howard said they'll have her ride on Howard TV soon. Howard thanked her for coming in and asked why she's in college. He said she should be doing this full time. She's in school studying Criminal Psychology.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Gary is the biggest scumbag in the world. He said that he's really creepy with the Sybian rides. Howard said he pays Gary to be creepy so he doesn't have to be creepy himself. Another caller said he was on his way to work and now he's good to go after hearing that. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and hummed along with that song and said that Robert Plant is now playing fiddle music instead of great music like that. Howard said the guy is a fucking mental case.
Howard said he heard that David Lee Roth is back in the studio with Van Halen. Howard said that is one nutty band. Fred said that Michael Anthony still isn't back. Howard said that Sammy Hagar will be in there soon to talk about what went on there. Howard said he wrote a book about his experiences. Howard said he'll ask him ''What the fuck?'' about the band.
Howard said that they have so many things going on. He said he has to get to a whole bunch of things. He said he was going to talk about the stuff they were talking about earlier about Pat Metheney. Howard said he thought he was a big fan of his thinking he wrote ''Boom, Boom Out Go The Lights'' but he was wrong about that. Fred played some of his actual music. One of the songs was ''James'' which was inspired by James Taylor. Howard said he thinks he must have played his stuff at some station. Fred said he's confusing him with Pat Travers. Howard said he played that kind of stuff at WCCC in Hartford. Howard said that people loved that song ''Boom, Boom Out Go the Lights.'' He said that his program director told him that it was one of the most popular songs they had on the station at the time. Fred played the song as they were talking about that.
Howard asked Fred how long that song was. Fred said it's 5 minutes. Howard said he never played anything shorter than that at WCCC. He wondered where that guy is at now. Fred said he's doing Skype guitar lessons. Howard was all charged up listening to the song. Howard talked about how the program director told him that this was the kind of stuff people liked to hear on the station. Fred said Howard isn't lying at all.
Howard and Fred talked about how Fred Travers is doing the guitar lessons and how he charges people to do it over Skype. He's also doing a cruise this year. He's charging like $200 to do a guitar lesson over Skype. Fred read some of the names of the people who are on that cruise he was talking about.
Howard said that Sal and Richard should get Gary the Retard to Skype with Pat Travers to take a guitar lesson. Howard said he thought that Pat Metheney was Pat Travers. He said that was funny too.
Howard said the music playing there was from Back to the Future. Howard said he just watched that again recently. Howard said he recognized that music from the movie.
The caller told Howard he has a Droid phone and he wants to get a new one. Howard said that a lot of people are asking him about phones and he doesn't know what he's doing. Howard said he went out and got the Droid 2 Global. He said he loves the phone but he's going to give him some advice. Howard said it's a bit complicated when you get it and he had the help of Jon Hein and Jason and a bunch of other guys. Howard said he had a team of people around him helping him out. He said the phone is fantastic though. He said he loves the pull out keyboard. He said he can't type on a virtual keyboard. He said his thumbs are big and he has to have one. Howard said he loves the phone but the camera needs some work. He said the phone shuts itself off and things like that so it's annoying. Howard said there are some kinks in it and the good outweighs the bad. Howard said it has Adobe Flash support too and he appreciates that. He said the phone is quick and it pulls up everything he needs.
Howard said he heard that the Xoom tablet is coming out soon but it doesn't have Flash on it yet. He said he won't use it if it doesn't have Flash.
The caller said that he loves Mutt but SFN isn't full of fans like you'd think. Howard said he agrees. He said that he's doing the Twitter thing now and it's much less hostile than SFN. The caller told him that they have a group on Facebook that are real fans. Howard told the guy he really had to go. The caller asked one more question about what he really thinks about Dominic Barbara. Howard said he knows him mostly from him calling in on the show. Howard said he likes the guy and he's been fun to have on the show. Howard said he got disbarred for 18 months and that's very serious stuff. Howard said he didn't get into it with him but he was sorry to hear what was going on. He said Dominic is doing alright and he thanked him for calling him and that was about it. He said that he gave the guy some support.
The caller said he has a personal connection and he has a friend who hired him for a divorce and he used $8,000 of the $55,000 retainer and then disappeared. Howard cut him off and said that Dominic isn't there to defend himself so he's not sure what to tell him. He said he's making a strong accusation and he can't talk about it there. The caller said Dominic is gone and he'll never get him in a courtroom. Howard said that he can't just make allegations like that. He said that he finds it odd that he's calling in and kicking the dog while he's down. He said he knows Dominic is being punished for something right now but he doesn't know anything about it. Howard said if he wants to call in and discuss it then he'll do that. He let the caller go after that.
Howard said he has to take a break but he has to get to Jessica Hahn. He said he has to talk to Richard Christy about something really dumb he did too. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he remembers that song and the video that Jessica Hahn was in. Howard said he was listening to one of the old shows they played during vacation and Sam was a good guitar player. He said they haven't seen Jessica Hahn in many years. She came in and Howard said she's looking very thin. Howard said it was good to see her. Jess said hi to everyone and told Howard she just lost like 40 pounds. Howard said he heard about that. Jess told Howard how great the studio looks. Jess told Howard that he looks great. Howard said Jess looks great too. Howard said he thought he hit the wall but Jess said she did. Then they said that neither of them have. Jess is at 118 pounds and she's 5'6'' tall. She said she was up to 160 pounds.
Howard said Jessica was in a relationship for a really long time. She settled down with this guy Ron who had written Married with Children and wrote for a bunch of other shows over the years. He was very wealthy and divorced. Howard said Ron set Jess up with her own house and she had an allowance. He had his own residence though. Jess said she was thrilled with the set up. She said he was 2 minutes away from her so it wasn't far. Howard said it seemed like the perfect set up for her. Howard said they'd have sex and he'd fuck her like twice a week. Jess said it was more than that. Howard said he wouldn't even spend the whole night. Jess said he'd leave when she'd fall asleep.
Howard said Jess and Ron were having a great time and it was a great set up for both of them. They didn't have the monotony of living together. Howard asked how it all worked. Jess told Howard that she knew his working hours and after work he'd come over and she'd be waiting there for him. She said she would prepare for him the whole day and be ready for him. Howard said that she was meticulous about it all and she freaked out that time he said her belly button smelled. He was just kidding about it but she cried over it.
Jess told Howard about how much stuff she'd do to prepare for Ron. She said that he would even buy her clothes because she hated shopping so much. She said that he bought her a latex dress one time and it was great. She said she didn't have a bra on this morning. Howard said he doesn't believe her. She said she won't be showing him so Howard said he believes her then.
Howard asked Jess about what else they would do and Jess told Howard about how Ron would ask her not to wear panties and things like that. Howard asked if he would bang her in a public place. She said he wouldn't do that. She said he was very shy in a way. She said he was shy but at home he was very sweet. Howard asked if she was the dominant one. She was. Howard asked what she would do to him. She said she would undress him and things like that. Howard asked if she would put his penis in her mouth and suckle him all night. Jess said she would do that blowing thing and then she would keep it in there until it relaxed. She would take a break and then go to bed. She said that she had a pillow for her boobs and she'd lay the pillow on his chest and then she'd go down a little bit and kiss it. She said she wasn't draining the hell out of it but she would be close enough to kiss it if he wanted her to. Jess said she would do that a couple of times a night if he wanted it.
Howard asked Jess about the arrangement that she had and if she ever wanted to get married. Jess said he gave her an engagement ring and he wanted her to be his. Howard said that Ron was taking care of her financially and he didn't leave her any money. jess said he actually did. The next day after he died she got a letter from the lawyers who said that she had to stop talking about him and she had 60 days to wait until she got any money he left for her. Jess said that he left her plenty of money and took care of her.
Jess said that the kids turned off her utilities the next day too. She said that she thought they were okay with her but they apparently hated her. She said she never interfered with the kids and she never wanted to be the step mom or anything like that. She said that they had their quality time. Jess said that she would play with the kids when she did see them on occasion. She said it turns out they hated her so much. Jess said they didn't think that she deserved the money. Jess said that they get Married with Children money every time that show airs. Jess said Ron took care of her but it was just one lump sum. She said that she got the house and things like that too.
Howard asked Jess about her depression and things like that. Jess said that she could have ended up like Dana Plato. Howard said that he talked to some people years ago about Jessica and they thought she would kill herself before she was 40. Howard said he asked why and the people said that she was going to go downhill and freak out. Howard said that someone said it was going to be a disaster for her. Howard said he was glad that she hooked up with Ron because it gave her that stability. Jess said that Ron was so cool and he believed in her too.
Howard said he's amazed that he was able to avoid doing anything with Jess over the years. He ended up in hotel rooms with her on many occasions. He said she was ready to give him a hand job once and he turned that down. He said she had the lotion ready but he didn't do anything. Howard said she is an incredibly sexual woman. He said that he figured it would be something else and he just said no. Howard said he wants some sort of credit for doing that. Jess said that he has some kind of power that other men don't. Jess said that Howard has the ability to say no. She said that must be why he's really angry when he's angry.
Howard asked Jess if she ever did anal. She said she did it once but it was with someone other than Ron. She said that the guy she has now is even bigger than Sam Kinison was. Howard asked if this new guy got her ass. She said that it is this new guy, Frank, who is a stunt man. Howard said he knows that Jess blew Gene Simons. Jess didn't want to talk about that. She said that was in her past.
Howard said that Frank is Ron's best friend. Jess said she's known him for like 16 years. She said that Frank came over the day Ron died and he didn't know what he was going to do. Jess said she needed someone to trust and Frank was that guy. She said she just laid in bed for 3 years after Ron died. She said she was in the fetal position and she was into drugs. She said that she understands what Artie did. She said she couldn't kill herself but she did everything but that. She smoked heroin and it was great. She said that you shouldn't do it because your body goes into convulsions.
Jess said that she was able to find the heroin and she had coke and a lot of bad things. She said she just laid in bed and did it. She said she did nothing for 3 years. Jess said she went to rehab after that. Jess said that they wanted her to do Celebrity Rehab and she didn't want to do that. She did go to the same facility but she didn't do it on camera. She said she was there for 50 days because she was such a mess. Jess said Frank came and he was her only friend. She said that he went into a drawer of her's and she had everything in there. She said Frank emptied the drawers and threw it all away. She said that he dumped them in everyone else's barrels. She said it was really bad. Jess said she wanted to die but she couldn't kill herself because of her religious beliefs.
Jess went on to tell Howard about how Frank was killing her by throwing out all of that stuff. She said she had hidden stuff around the house so she took that stuff with her too. Jess said she took a bottle of pills and then she went to the hospital and got her stomach pumped. She finally went to Las Encinas and got into recovery. She said she can't say who was in there with her but there were people that have been in there on Howard's show. She said that they're A-celebrities. She said she can't say who they were though.
Jess said that she's been sober for years now but it's a struggle every day. Howard said he remembers smoking weed with Jess years ago and how paranoid he got. Howard said he wanted to smoke weed and she had this weed in her purse and he smoked it. He took 3 hits and he thought he was going to die. Jess said that he steamed it like a cigarette. Howard said he doesn't like marijuana and he just wanted to try it because it looked like fun. He said that his agent made him swear that he'd never do it again. Howard said he thought that she had laced it with something. Jess said she would never do that to him.
Howard said he would never do that again after that. He said his agent didn't like what it did to him. Howard said the pot is very strong. Robin said even when it's not strong it's too much for him. Howard said Jess has no problem with that though. She thinks that she has a strong stomach.
Howard said he read that Larry King had claimed that Jess jerked him off once. Jess said she swears that she never did that. Howard said he knows she says she can jerk a guy off with her foot. Jess said she was in Larry's Limo once and Larry did ask her to go out for a drink. She said she was sitting in the car and she does not remember doing it. She said it could have happened but she doesn't remember doing that. She said the worst thing is that he said it was terrible.
Howard said Jess has pulled out of her depression and went through her rehab. He asked if she's gotten friendly with anyone since then. She said that they do call her from the rehab center to check in on her. She said that she's listening to Howard now and she gets on the bike and rides like a banshee. She said she stopped calling in because she thought she was a pain in the ass.
Jess told Howard that she's trying to save her money now so she lost the maid and things like that. She said she was left a lot of money and she has to live on that the rest of her life. Jess said that Frank does very well himself. She said that Frank is there too. Howard had the guys bring Frank in.
Jess said she's engaged to Frank and they live together. Jess said that if Ronnie came back then they'd both rather be with Ronnie.
Howard said Frank looks a little like someone he knows. Frank said he worked on Son of the Beach once and he had to do some stuff in the water and the girl was naked. He told Howard he does a lot of stunts for ''Chuck'' and some movies. He said that he might double Jeff Bridges and guys like that. He did a movie called ''Water for Elephants.'' He did a stunt in Spider-Man 2 where he had to catch a car with another car. He yawned while he was telling that story. Jess told him not to yawn while he talks. She said he does that and doesn't even realize it.
Howard asked Frank how often he's banging her. He said that she handles that end of things. He didn't want to say how many times it was. Frank said he never really knew Jess until Ron died. He knew her but not very well.
Howard asked if he does well as a stunt man. Frank said he does okay and he got a residual check from Son of the Beach for like $4. Howard asked if he's big and thick. Jess said that he is. She said that he's great and they did prepare for anal that time they did it. Jess said she had never done it before so she had to prepare for it.
Howard asked Frank how he prepared for that. Frank said that he just had to be a stunt man for 30 years to prepare for that. Howard asked if he had to start with a chop stick and then work his way up with his huge cock.
Jess told Howard that she had to Fleet enema first. She said that she shaved completely back there. Frank was blushing from all of this. Jess said she has a tub so she can see everything while she's shaving. Howard told Frank he has a winner there. Howard said she should make a documentary about this. Jess told Howard that she also makes sure that it's all clean back there and then she puts moisturizer back there. She said that she was realized with such a great man. Jess said that she thought it was really nice when they did it too.
Jess said that Frank is so apple pie and he's so shy that they're like complete opposites. Howard asked if Jess came from doing it that way. Jess said she did. Jess said that Frank is going to argue with her after this.
Howard asked if she's back to drinking. Jess said she had a glass of wine the other day. She said that she's not really drinking like she used to though. She said she does it like once a month and has one glass. Jess said that compared to what she was doing it's not much. Howard asked if she's going to want anal again. Jess said she would like it again.
Howard said Frank seems like a decent man. Howard asked when they're getting married. Frank said that they have never been married before so they're waiting a few years. They've only been going out a year and a half so far. Jess said that Frank is the guy who helped her get help and she really appreciates that.
Frank said that Ron's kids got vicious and mean and didn't let Jess go to Ron's wedding. He said that he just about raised those kids with Ron and they turned on them. Frank said that Ron was so good to Jess.
Jess told Howard about what her day is like now and told him that she does house work on her own and things like that.
Howard said Jessica was on The View and she gave it to Barbara Walters. Jess said that she told Barbara that she brought up Barbara's past and she didn't want to talk about that. She said she did get quiet during the interview but they told her they'd like to have her back again.
Jess said she likes being in the spotlight. She said she has had some meetings about doing something on TV but everything is ''in development'' right now. Jess said she's had some offers to do another View like show. She said that it's already been done though.
Howard said he'd like to go on all day with this but he has to move on. Howard said he likes this guy Frank sand he seems like a decent, regular guy. Jess said he's like a cowboy. Howard said he's happy for Jessica and he's glad that she's gotten through all of this stuff. Jess said that Robin and Howard were always there for her. She said she's very happy for Howard and Beth. Howard said Beth doesn't jerk him off with her feet and he's never had that. He said she is amazing though. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked what song that was. Fred told him what song it was and Howard recognized it as being the Madonna-like song. Howard said that Mr. Skin is there and he's lurking around the halls. Howard said they have a Speech Impediment Idol contest going on. He said you can find out more about the rules and info at SiriusXM.com/Howard.
Howard said the Iranians were saying it was great when the Egyptians were overtaking their leader. They have the same thing going on there now and they're stopping it from happening.
Howard said he called the end to all pyramids yesterday and people weren't too happy about that. Howard said he didn't know why they built those things but they should flatten them. Robin said that would be wrong. She said it's amazing they got them built back when they built them.
Howard said he loves animal hoarding stories. He read one about a woman who had over 100 animals from a woman's home in Shirley, New York. He said that he read she had a baby bull in her house among the animals. Gary said the house is only 1400 square feet. Howard said sometimes Gary annoys him. He cut him off and went on to read the story. He read about all of the animals she had living in her house and it was all kinds of animals. Howard said they condemned her house and it's a really weird obsession.
Howard said he heard that Fist Pump is a big song on the Jersey Shore show and he heard that they remixed it for them or something. Howard said he has no idea what the song is or anything about the show. He said he doesn't understand that show just like he doesn't understand hoarding animals. Howard said the people who collect these animals seem to be ugly women. He said it's like they're looking for affection from someone.
Richard said he's fine with that. He said that he knew that not everyone would come. Howard said that he's got another wedding coming up but it's in October. Howard said that Richard isn't thinking of anyone but himself. Richard said a lot of people get married in the summer. He said it'll be beautiful in the city then. Howard said he'd love to come but he won't be doing that in the summer. Robin said she might have to go to see the family there.
Howard said the city smells like boiling piss in the summer. He asked why he would do that. Richard said it just seemed like a good time. Howard said he doesn't know what's with that girl that's marrying Richard. He said that there must be something up with her.
Richard said they want everyone there but he understands if they can't make it. Howard said that's fine then. Richard said he didn't know that Howard was going to yell at him about so he's glad it was just this.
Mr. Skin said there was one scene from a movie in 1988 where they showed Sherilyn Fenn's butthole. He said they showed Holly Hunter's butthole in one scene too.
Mr. Skin said that Erica Durance did a movie called House of the Dead and she had some side bush in her panties. He said that hey have that in one of the playlists. Howard said she's kind of grown on him and she has some nice titties. Howard asked if she has big nips. Mr. Skin said that they're okay. The Howard TV guys had some pictures to show Howard.
Mr. Skin said they're getting a lot more traffic on the site now that they have these new features. He said that nudity never rests either so they're always working on this stuff. Mr. Skin said that you can't find this stuff anywhere else on the web presented the way they do.
Howard said that he's happy that they're investing millions into this. He said that he was watching a movie this weekend called ''Stone'' that he didn't really like. He said that Mila Jovovich took off her top and he's never seen nipples that big in his life. Mr. Skin said she won an Anatomy Award for those nips. Howard said he thought that they were very unattractive. Mr. Skin said that some people really like that. Howard said he didn't dig it. Mr. Skin said that she won the ''Most Niptastic'' award. He said they have all kinds of categories for boobs and they have one called ''Mashed Potato Boobs'' where the boobs look like masked potatoes. Howard jokingly said he should fire the guy who came up with that.
Howard said that Mr. Skin has the Anatomy Awards up on his web site and you can find all of them at MrSkin.com.
Howard said he heard that there's a movie called ''Take this Waltz'' where Sarah Silverman is going to get fully naked. Mr. Skin said he thinks that she's going to look great but Sarah has said she doesn't look all that good. Mr. Skin said that he heard that she's full frontal naked. He said that she's said that she's going to be completely naked.
Howard heard that Elizabeth Olsen is going to be showing her breasts in a new movie too. Mr. Skin said that she's not one of the twins. He said that they used to talk about the twins getting nude but they never did. The movie is coming out later this year but his guys have seen it and she's got medium sized breasts.
Howard said he has heard from people who are more excited about the Anatomy Awards than the Academy Awards. Howard said they should call the ''caged monkey'' bush ''Larry Fine'' instead.
Howard asked Mr. Skin about some of the Anatomy Awards. He found out that they gave Jessica Paré in Hot Tub Time Machine ''best breasts.'' They spent a minute talking about that. Mr. Skin also gave Best Lesbian Scene to Amanda Seyfried and Julianne Moore in Chloe. They went over that for a minute and talked about how good that scene was.
Best Butt (nude) went to Jessica Alba in The Killer Inside Me. They spent a minute talking about that too. Howard said he missed that movie somehow.
Howard asked about the best TV show nudity. That was a tie between Boardwalk Empire / Spartacus: Blood and Sand. Howard and Mr. Skin spent a minute talking about that. They also went over Best Nude over 40 which went to Lucy Lawless in Spartacus. They went over Best Child Star Grown Up And Out which went to Christy Carlson Romano in Mirrors 2. They talked about that for a short time too.
Howard said he saw that movie where Christina Ricci was naked in a movie called Afterlife. She won for Best Naked and Dead scene. Howard asked about the Best Sex Scene in a Bar. That went to Mary Louise Parker in Weeds.
Howard asked about Actress we most want to see Nude in 2011 which went to Brooklyn Decker. They spent a short time going over that too. Howard said they may never see her nude. Mr. Skin said he thinks there's a possibility of that. He said that Sofia Vergara was up there too.
Howard asked about Best Bikini which went to Kim Kardashian. Mr. Skin said there's something about her that just drives him nuts. Best Camel Toe went to Kiele Sanchez in 30 Days of Night: Dark Days. The Howard TV guys were showing shots of all of this stuff.
Howard said it's always so much fun talking about all of this. This is their 12th year of doing these awards on Mr. Skin's web site. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about their old radio station, K-Rock, and the asswipes who tried to sue him when he left. Howard said that Joel Hollander tried to get rid of CBS-FM and they brought in some other crap. They ended up bringing back CBS-FM and now they're back to being number 2 in the ratings overall. He said that Joel is some genius. Howard said the guy had to go and sue him. Howard said Joel thought he was so smart putting Jack FM on there instead and he failed. He said that he loves to laugh at all of the geniuses out there.
Howard said he doesn't even blame Les Moonves for suing him. He said Joel was his eyes and ears and Les just went along with it. Howard said that he had to explain to Les what Joel was doing because Les didn't even know.
Howard had Robin start her news after Fred played her into it with a Little Mikey song parody. Howard brought up the Knicks and how they got this guy Carmello Anthony on the team. Howard said he's going to lose his great seats if the team gets good all of a sudden. Robin said Howard won't lose his tickets but she might. Howard said she can sit on his lap. Howard said that they've already made the tickets more expensive. He said he was talking to Tracy Morgan about the trades and he really had no idea what to tell Tracy. He said he told him he has no idea what he's doing there. Howard and Robin spent a few minutes talking about the story about how they got this guy on the team. Howard said he's looking forward to seeing what happens. Robin read some details about the story and had some audio of some people talking about it.
Robin read that Alyssa Milano is pregnant. Howard said that kind of ruins the whole thing. he's going to unfollow her on Twitter. Robin read some details about that and how she announced the pregnancy on Twitter. Howard said he loved a movie he watched with her in it. He said he and Beth were embarrassed that they liked it. Howard said it was her and a guy and he can't think of the name. He said that Robin is going to think he's retarded for liking it. He didn't say what the movie was.
Howard said that rock music is so dead now that there were no rock albums in the top 25 last year. Gary gave him all of that information. They talked about how crazy it is that it's like rock is dead. Fred said they're stuck with Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga. Gary said Kings of Leon were at like number 28 and even they didn't do all that well. Howard said that Soundgarden should get together. Fred said they actually are together.
Howard said he has to read Rolling Stone. He said that he's doing an interview with them and they're going to be taking his picture on Friday. He said that he's going to be in his own clothes and not dressing up weird or anything. He said he did that for George magazine and he's never doing that again. He said that if they had asked him to do that he'd turn it down. Howard said he's going to have them play some Eminem while he poses. He said he did one photo shoot where he did that and it worked out. Howard said Ralph is the one who brings his iPod to play music. Howard said he hates doing magazine covers and this one he was doing he wasn't able to get into but when they played Eminem he was able to pose. He said he's going to bring the Howard TV crew with him so they can shoot him doing that.
Robin read that Rihanna and Ryan Phillippe have been hooking up for months. Howard said that he thought he was with Amanda Seyfried. Howard said he saw Ryan out at Jimmy Kimmel's party and he was with some chick. He said he must get a ton. Howard said that Amanda Seyfried is really hot. He said she's young and making out with that Julianne Moore in that movie they were talking about earlier. Howard said it's really hot. He said Ryan fucked her and dumped her for Rihanna. Howard said that Rihanna might be a little too hefty for him. He said Amanda looks more like his type. He said she looks like a freak with those bug eyes of her's and he likes that.
Howard said Stamos told him that Beth was great but he couldn't believe he was going to stop the partying. Howard said Stamos doesn't know from that. He can't stop partying. Howard said it doesn't work out for him for one reason or another.
Robin said that they're trying to shut down the legal brothels in Nevada. She read some details about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Fred is ever going to Tweet. Fred said he's not doing it now but he could. Howard said that Fred should do that. He said that he follows some news like CNN news and it's great to see news like that. Howard said he still likes doing it. He said he was on last night and Tweeted a few things. Howard said he still likes doing it. The caller said he liked it when Howard Tweeted ''Goodnight'' one night. He thought that was nice. Howard said he likes sending out pictures to the fans and things like that.
Howard said that some people think he's a fag for sending out pictures of his cat and things like that. Howard said someone told him to blame his ''ugly dog'' for his fart if he farted in bed. Howard said that they always go for the negative. Howard said he sent out a picture of Beth in her dress one night and some guy told him to stop bragging. He said they were asking for a picture so he sent it out.
Howard said Jillian Barberie sent out a picture of herself in a Howard Stern t-shirt she had made up herself. Howard said he thought that was hot. JD said that was photoshopped. Howard said she should send the real deal. JD agreed.
The caller said the Bill Murray interview really flew by yesterday. Howard said it was an hour but he had so many other questions for him. He said the take on Ghostbusters 3 was all over the news yesterday so he thanked him for calling in. He said that he'd like him to come into the studio sometime so they can pick up where they left off.
Howard said he heard from Ivan Reitman who is trying to do the Ghostbusters thing. He said Ivan is dying for Bill to do the movie and Ivan learned a lot from him in that interview. He said it was great for him to hear all of that. Howard said he's going to volunteer to take Bill's spot in the movie. Howard said that's the least he could do for Ivan.
Robin got back to her news and read about Mackenzie Philips saying that family members have turned their backs on her since she put out her book where she claimed her father had an affair with her. She said that they're doubting what she has to say about all of that.
Robin read a story about a couple who were taken hostage by some Somali pirates on their yacht. Robin said they were sailing around the world and they were giving out bibles everywhere they went. Robin said they had told friends that they were afraid of the pirate thing and they were caught. Robin said a naval ship approached them and the pirates shot off a rocket so the US ship fired on them and they ended up killing all four of the hostages. They spent a few minutes talking about that. Howard said he will never be caught by pirates because he'll never be on a boat. He hates the water.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton speaking out about what's going on in the Middle East. She had some audio of her speaking about that.
Robin read a story about some protests going on there in New York over what's going on in Libya. Robin said that they have protest going on in Wisconsin as well. She had some audio of some people talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who wasn't there at first. The guy said that he's not sure why Howard couldn't hear him for a second. The guy told Howard that there was a girl at a Miss Arkansas pageant and she did a ventriloquist act for her talent. Howard said that's not hot at all. He said he can't imagine why she'd do that. The caller said he'd like to go out with two dummies and go out with Bush and Cheney. Howard said he's glad he waited for that joke. The caller said he had a question for Howard. He asked if he has ever cried watching a movie with their significant other. Howard said of course he has. Howard said he just did that this weekend. Howard said he's not sure what it was though. He said he didn't cry watching ''Devil'' or ''Stone'' but he almost did because Stone was so long. Howard said he can't remember what it was. He said they were watching a lot of On Demand movies. Howard said he just can't think of it.
Howard brought up the IBM computer Watson that was on Jeopardy and how amazing it is that it can figure out puns and things like that on the show. He said he was reading that people were upset that they had the computer on and said the show Jumped the Shark. Howard said that they should be happy that they showed that computer because the thing can think. He said that it's going to make for better computers and cell phones in the future.
Robin read a story about Charles Manson and how his new lawyer wants President Obama wants him to release him. Howard said they probably could have gotten the guy off if the trial happened today. He said that they got OJ off, they could have gotten Manson off. They played some audio of Manson rambling at his trial. Howard said he's glad that he's off the streets. He said he kind of sounded like JD in that audio clip.
Fred replayed the Manson clip and Howard said it really does sound like JD on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He was trying to explain his time on the internet and why he does what he does. Howard said JD finds talking exhausting so he gives up in the middle of a thought. He played an example of it from yesterday's Wrap Up Show. JD was trying to explain himself but he just gave up in the middle of a sentence. It was on more than one sentence too. Robin got a laugh out of that and said that she could listen to that all day. Howard said Shuli did an interview with JD and even that was hard to listen to. He played some of that interview and JD was trying to explain himself but he'd just give up in the middle of a sentence.
Robin got back to her news and read more about Charles Manson. She also had a story about some people who are trying to get visitation with their grandchildren but their son is dead and the wife won't let them see the kids. Robin asked if the grandparents have any rights. Howard said they do not. Howard said the mother is the final judge, even if she's a shitty mother. Howard said the law has to be that the mother is in charge. He said she should be able to keep them away from the grandparents. Howard said that he's not sure if they're nudnicks or not. He said the mother could be a complete kook... who knows.
Howard said his wife is into this animal rescue thing and the stories make him nuts. He said he went home yesterday and Beth told him this story. He said thee people have a 9 year old bulldog and they had a baby so the husband told the wife he wanted to get rid of the dog after the baby was born. Howard said he wishes he could announce this guy's name on the air. Howard said the guy said it was too much work so he told his wife to find a home for the dog. Howard said that's bullshit. He said he heard that the dog is perfect and lovely. He said that he wanted the guy's email so he could write him a note and tell him he's an animal. He said he wants him to be locked in an elevator with the Devil. He said he can't believe someone would do that to an animal after 9 years. Howard said these people are high profile people too. He said that the don't probably won't even live that much longer. Howard said the guy is a dick and the woman should divorce the guy. He said that the husband will do that to her some day.
Robin read a story about how there are no laws about paid maternity leave in this country. Howard said a lot of times these women know they're knocked up and they sneak in and take time off after getting a job. Howard said they ruin it for the women that are honest. He said he could deal with it if they're honest. Howard said we have too many people as it is. He said they should have more abortions. Howard said we have too many people on this planet. He said he's calling for more abortions.
Howard said these women have babies and then they get Post Partum depression and they want to drown the fucker. He said that women don't really want to take care of anything. He said they should just adopt a dog.
Howard said he's a big fan of Oprah's now. He said he saw her show yesterday where they had a kid who was raised in a cage for 7 years. He said she also had on a 7 year old who is living as a girl. Howard said it's by choice too. Howard said he would jump out a window if that happened to him. He said the kid loves being a girl. He said he loves the nail polish and that's why he likes being a girl. Howard said Roseanne Barr was on too and she was yelling about stuff. He said he has some other episodes to watch and the show got good this last year. Howard said he doesn't give a shit about her network OWN but he likes her TV show. Howard said he has issues with Oprah because she can be a man hating cunt sometimes. He changed that to ''man hating woman'' after Robin called him out on the cunt reference. Howard said the girl who was raised in the cage turned out to be a great person. Howard said the kids are all very well behaved. Howard said one of the boys walked to a police station and told the cops about what was going on. The cop ended up finding the kid locked in the cage. The parents only got a year in jail for that.
Robin read about this girl who was duct taped to a chair and how her mother is getting out on bail. Howard said that these people don't want their kids. That's what he was talking about earlier. Robin said there's apparently a billboard in New Jersey somewhere that says that the most dangerous place for an African American child is in a mother's womb. Howard said that these people can't raise kids so they should just leave them alone and let them get abortions. That led to Howard going off on Glenn Beck and Mike Huckabee for being so anti-abortion.
Robin read about how people aren't getting enough sun to get vitamin D to reduce the risk of many things like cancer and diabetes. Robin said there are ways to get vitamin D from other things like certain seafoods.
Robin read about Larry King starting to go out doing stand-up comedy. Robin said he's going to be doing one man shows about his life and work. He's calling it ''Larry King Standing Up.'' Howard said they should go see it. Howard said he can't imagine him being hilarious on stage. Robin said Larry is going to let people ask him questions. Howard said he has a bunch for him about all of his lies.
Robin read about the new iPad that's due out on March 2nd. Howard said he was looking forward to the new Xoom pad but they're not putting Adobe Flash on it so he's not going to get it. Robin said that Steve Jobs won't be part of the upcoming event where Apple is making some announcements. Robin said he's been fighting cancer for 7 years now. Howard said they have to keep that guy alive.
JD told Howard he had some audio of Larry King doing stand-up on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Howard played that clip and Larry started to tell a joke so Howard said that was enough. He didn't want to sit through the train joke he was about to do.
Robin read about Lindsay Lohan going into court today for some probation violations. Robin read about Rahm Emanuel being elected mayor of Chicago.
Robin had some audio of Taylor Swift talking about how tough it is growing up. Howard didn't last long with those clips. Robin read about how she's out on tour right now. Howard said he'll have to check that out.
Robin read about Chris Brown being allowed to get closer to Rihanna now. Howard said that guy drove Rihanna to white guys. Robin said that Brown is now allowed to have contact with her as long as he doesn't harass her.
Robin had some news about Justin Bieber and how he has gotten a hair cut. Howard said he looks like JD now.
Robin had some news about Britney Spears who is doing some product placement in her newest video. She made a fast $500,000 promoting the dating site PlentyOfFish in her video. Robin said they also had some other Sony products in the video and some other stuff as well. She's selling products in her videos now.
Howard said he saw Jennifer Hudson on Oprah and she's lost a lot of weight. Howard said she looks like she could still lose another 10 and she'd be perfect. Howard said she'd be insanely hot if she lost that 10. She's already hot.
Robin read a story about Reggae singer Buju Banton going to jail for conspiring to buy $130,000 worth of cocaine. Robin read the details of that case. Howard said he's not sure why they're upset with that.
Robin read a story about Billy Ray Cyrus and how he's been asked not to do any interviews. Robin said that Miley apparently went nuts when she learned what her father was going out to do in New York. He was going to go on The View to talk about his family and she flipped out. Howard said they had him booked on the show too and he backed out.
Robin had some audio of Owen Wilson talking about his new movie ''Hall Pass'' and Howard said he thinks that he read this script like 10 years ago. He said it was the dumbest idea. No wife is going to give you a hall pass to go off and fuck someone. They wrapped up and ended the show after that. It was about 10:15am.
Jon went over some other things that they were going to cover today. They also talked about Howard going off on Richard about his wedding date. Gary said that he knows that Will can't go to the wedding because of the date. Gary said he got married at the right time. He got married on July 3rd and he had some friends who complained but Howard didn't have a house out in the Hamptons at the time. Gary said that he would freak out on him today if he did the same thing that the did back then. Gary said that Ross had a house in the Hamptons and he didn't want to give it up that weekend. He did come to the wedding though.
Jon also brought up the dinner Howard had with Robin, Jason and Will last night and how he had Joe E Reynolds come over and say hi.
Jon said that there were some weird things going on today on the show. They talked about how Howard threw out the comment about being mad at Richard but didn't say why at first. Gary said he thought it might have been from what he said in their weekly meeting yesterday. He said that Richard suggested putting a camera in his bathroom to see the face he makes when he pees.
Will said that Howard was talking about it at dinner last night and he seemed to be really annoyed. He said that he seemed to be put in a weird position.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he can't believe the way Howard is treating Richard over this. He said that Howard can give up a day to go to his wedding. He said that Richard does more for the show than Howard does anymore. He said he should pull his head out of the Hamptons for a day. The guy was yelling about how they don't do any new bits but he was also saying that they're playing Richard and Sal's bits on the show. It was kind of confusing.
Jon said the other paranoia that was going on was about Will and Jason's dinner with Howard. Jon asked if people were treating him weird. Will said that Lisa G was looking for some information but no one was really treating him weird. He said nothing really came up about anyone where they trashed people. He said there were some great stories about Fred though. Will said that it was a great diner and they had one about 10 years ago. He said that they didn't talk the entire dinner the first time so this time they had a good time and it was really comfortable. He said that there were no awkward silences or anything.
Will said he took the cheesecake home with him and his wife had some of it. She was still alive this morning so it must have been okay. Benjy wondered why Howard thought Joe E Reynolds lived up there in Spanish Harlem. Will said that's what Joe told Howard. He said he lived next door.
Will said he had no idea who the guy was when he showed up at the table. He said he handed him the cheesecake and Howard was really nice about the whole thing.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she wanted to chime in on the Richard wedding thing. She said that when you send an invitation you hope that people are going to appreciate that they were invited. She said she knows how stressful a wedding can be and you don't ask why someone is having a wedding in the summer. She said it might be shtick but it's a shitty thing to do to someone. Will said he thinks that people have opened invitations and wondered what's wrong with people when they do it on a certain weekend. The caller said that you don't break their balls though. She said that people get married in the summer. She also told them that if they need a lawyer to answer questions then they can all her since Dominic is going to be out of commission for a while. Gary thanked her for that.
Jason came in so Jon had him talk about his dinner with Howard. Jason said he had a good time last night but he is pretty tired today. He said they finished dinner by 8 or so. Will said that he and Jason showed up about 15 minutes early and Jason was really nervous. Jason said he hasn't hung out with Howard and Robin that much so he was nervous. It went away quickly though. Will said there is pressure to keep the conversation going.
Gary asked if they got there so early that they weren't open. Will said they were so early that the staff was eating their dinner. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jason said he has to go to 3 weddings in July. He said he will probably go to Richard's. He said he loves his fiancee. Jason said that one of his friends got married on a Sunday night in Virginia. He said he was so angry about that. Jason said that everyone told him that he had to back off but he's not going to tell Howard not to get pissed about this thing. He said he never really thought about it. Jason said everyone's wedding is obnoxious except your own.
Richard showed up so Jon asked him what he thought Howard was going to yell at him about. Richard said he thought it was going to be about the Beta fish they have in their offices or about the idea he threw out at the meeting yesterday. Richard said he really didn't know what it was going to be.
Gary said that he has had that happen to him too and he knows how rough it can be when Howard goes off on you about something.
Gary said he thinks that Richard is handling this whole thing the right way. He said that he's not getting upset with Howard about it. Richard said they're still sending out the Save the Date cards and he has to get addresses from people. He said he's been slacking off on that.
Gary asked Richard about who he's inviting and if anyone there is being left out. Richard is inviting most of the people there and maybe even inviting Dan the Song Parody Man. Richard said he put everyone he knew on his list but Sal helped him cut it down. He said he had to cut a lot of people out of it. Richard is inviting just about everyone. He said some of the Howard TV guys won't be on it. He said Teddy will be there. Richard said he tried not to cut too many. Gary asked how many family members they're having. Richard said it's just his parents and his sister. Then they're going to have a gathering out in Kansas.
Richard said the party they'll have out in Kansas will be on a lake at a shelter house. He said that's like a concrete building on the edge of a lake that you have parties at. Gary said that it sounds interesting. The guys goofed on Richard about that for a minute.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that it's Richard's day and it's not Howard's day so he shouldn't have gone off on him. She said that Howard was a total douche bag today and she loves Howard. Gary said it's actually Richard's fiancee's day, not even Richard's. Richard said he understands that people won't be able to make it. Will said he can't wait for Howard to get mad at Richard for making him look bad for yelling at him. They went to another break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it was kind of a whore move to hook up with her ex's best friend. Jon said that Jessica was really devastated after Ron died. Gary said she really was.
Gary said he thought one of the really interesting things was when Jess said that she thought Ron's kids loved her and then they turned off her heat and all of that. Gary said that was very naive of her.
Jon got to Mr. Skin and thanked him for coming in. Jon asked how it was in there today. Mr. Skin said that he's such a fan and he gets so nervous going in there. He said he likes to go in and do interviews with Howard but he also knows what it's like to listen to the show so he puts pressure on himself. He said today he just went in and had some fun. He thinks that he was just relaxed and having fun. Gary said it was a good appearance and he did have fun today. Jon asked if he's the ultimate perv like Howard said he is. Mr. Skin said that he doesn't mind that at all. He said that he goes in there each time and Howard makes it so easy for him. He can just be himself when he's on the show. Mr. Skin said that Howard has always been cool to him and he hasn't had a bad experience in all of these years. Richard said that Mr. Skin is too good looking to be a perv. He said that you expect someone pervy to be ugly and creepy looking. He said that Mr. Skin has a classically good looking face. Mr. Skin said that's the first time he's been uncomfortable on the show. Richard said he has those rugged good looks like Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs. He said he's close to looking like John Stamos.
Richard said that JD came in and was watching his monitor and he asked him if he was admiring Mr. Skin's good looks. He said JD just looked at him like he was nuts. He said that Gregg Karmel from Howard TV is very good looking too. Richard said he gave Jon Hein a great skinclassic called Screwballs for Christmas. Mr. skin said they do love that one. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he was reviewing yesterday's show with Jessica Hahn and her boyfriend. Howard said he asked the guy to explain his most dangerous stunt and he didn't get an answer. He had to drive a car and catch another car and he's not sure what he meant by that. Howard said he was confused by what he was saying. He also thought it was funny that Jessica said she's in recovery but she still drinks wine. Howard said he liked when Frank said that she had to live her life after that. Frank wondered if she was a sex addict if she'd have to give up having sex. Howard said ''well, yeah...''
Howard said he liked Jessica and Frank together. He said he liked Frank talking about Ron's kids and how Ron had told him that they turned out to be the Jews that he didn't want.
Howard said he didn't get to Tweet much yesterday. He said he's been very busy all week. He said he's doing a Rolling Stone interview today and then has to do a photo shoot tomorrow. Howard said they wanted to come to his apartment but he didn't want that. He said he'd rather not have the article being about his apartment. He said he doesn't want people in his house like that. He doesn't want to share that part of his life.
Robin said Howard used to stage things in his home. Howard said he's not doing that again. Howard said he's thinking about having the guys on the show go by his picture and kiss it for the reporter. He said maybe they can pray to him instead. Howard said he's grown up so he won't stage anything this time.
Howard said he once staged something for an interview and he had a girl in a wheelchair come in and he pretended to cure the person and got them out of the chair. He said he did that for the Stone Phillips interview and he remembers that they just sat there stone cold. He said he'd love to have the raw footage to put up on the internet. Howard said he had the girl talking about how she felt like she could get up after he put his hands on her. He said he thought it was funny and witty.
Howard said he's been interviewed by Rolling Stone before but they've had some bad pictures of him in there. He said this time he's not going to be wearing anything weird. He said his first picture was in a puffy shirt and he didn't like that one. He said the second cover was a little better. He talked about how they wanted him to do some weird stuff but it turned out to be a compromise. Howard said he doesn't want to look stupid on the cover of Rolling Stone. He doesn't want to be projected that way.
Howard said Annie Liebowitz said that a photo is so much more important than a film. He said that you're captured in that one moment. He said that she has taken some amazing pictures that are stuck in his mind. He said that a magazine is so much different than going on Letterman in a dress. He said you have to live with that image for a long time.
Howard said they're going to do some shots of him at the microphone there and things like that. They wanted him to run around in the park and things like that too but he doesn't want that. He said he's not a model so he's not going to be running around like that.
Howard said he's not happy that his whole day is going to be taken up by the photo shoot but he does like that he's going to be on the cover of Rolling Stone. He said the reporter is going to come by and observe him today. He said that it's weird when they do that. He said he sits there getting weirded out and he's just talking into a microphone. He said he checks to see if they're yawning or checking their watch or something. Robin said it looks like that for 4 hours.
Howard said Robin should take off her top and he should start making out with her and fingering her. He said he'd love that. Robin laughed. Howard said maybe he should punch Gary out. He could get into an argument with him and then tell Robin to come over and calm him down. He could put his finger up Fred's ass.
Howard was distracted by the Howard TV cameras being on with him on the monitor. Scott DePace told Howard that was something from yesterday's set up. He turned it off.
Howard said he was thinking about how feminine he looks in this outfit he has on today. He said he was going to obsess on it because the reporter came in. Then he said fuck that and just went to work. He said years ago he used to care more about it than he does now.
Howard said he did an interview years ago where he took a shitty car to go pick up a reporter and he only had an AM radio in the car. He liked that because he wanted to seem eccentric to the reporter. He said he tuned into an angry black station while he drove the guy back to his home. He said that he pictured the article in his head where the guy would talk about that eccentric thing. Howard said he was sitting there listening to the awful radio station and the reporter got in the car and he waited for him to ask about the shitty car or the radio. He never picked up on either thing. It never appeared in the article at all. Howard said that's when he realized he was an asshole and he was trying to write the article himself.
Gary said that they had set up a thing where Howard had different celebrities calling him during an interview with Rolling Stone.
Howard said he just wanted to have some fun. He has staged stuff like that. He won't do that anymore. He'll just answer the questions that the guy asks him. He said that's all they really want.
Howard said he's hoping that they promote the smartphone app in this article. He said that's what he's doing all of this for. He said he hopes that it'll build up an awareness at least. Howard said it's probably a waste of time.
Howard said he's working on a project where he will provide content on his web site and his other web sites. He said that he's working it all out and it takes some time. Howard said he doesn't think anyone gives a shit though. He said that he gets cock blocked with a lot of stuff. He said they confront him about what he's trying to sell. He said that he gets the feeling that he's the enemy. He has some cool ideas for content and he just gets cock blocked. He said they question his motives and he doesn't get it.
Howard said he only works for Sirius and On Demand. Howard said if Sirius does well he does well and his whole crew does well. He said he's not trying to do anything else. He said they don't seem to understand that there. He has changed the industry of radio and they still question him and cock block him.
Howard said he's just trying to get the word out to the fans that they're still there. He's also trying to get content out there for the fans who want it.
Howard said he had an Epiphany recently and had a great idea. He said it's almost undoable around there. He said he could get it done in 5 minutes but not around there. He said that management always hates him. He said they have a lot of bums around there that they hire and most of them don't really care about the company. Howard said he cares.
Howard said it was really weird when the guys at CBS sued him after he left the company. Howard said he has had less aggravation there at Sirius than anywhere else. He said that they turned around and sued him over at CBS and they didn't even need the money. He said the reason they did that is because he cares about his job and they knew it would bother him. Robin said they also did it because what they were trying to do wasn't working.
Howard said Joel Hollander is now working as a consultant so good luck to those companies. Howard said that guy really gave him a kick in the ass. Howard said it was really weird going in to talk to them during that meeting where they said they were suing him. He said he started crying during that. He said he was turning red and started to clench his fist and wanted to punch the guy out. He said Joel was putting his tit through the wringer. He said he felt like a girl in front of those guys getting all teary eyed. He said both of his labia were wet that day. Robin said he did get a lot out of that case. She said they sued him to give him things.
Howard said he was in an emotional state that day. He's glad that his agent was the only one who saw it other than Les Moonves.
Howard said that Les had all of CBS on his team. He said he's had a nutty fucking life. He said he just sits there and stares at the wall on his time off. He said it's been a crazy ride.
Robin said that Will was talking to her on the way home from dinner and he was telling her about how they could have played static on the station after Howard's show and they still would have had ratings.
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Howard said that Oprah doesn't care about this company. He said that she gave them a one page ad in her magazine and they left him out of the ad. Howard said they show Oprah, Martha Stewart, NASCAR, baseball and football but no Howard Stern. Howard said the company puts his picture in every ad except Oprah's magazine ad.
Howard said Oprah is stupid. He thought she was better than that but she isn't. He said that she is no better than he is. Howard said that she should have put his picture in that ad. He said she's just a vomit. He said he said that to her and he said that to Sirius too. He said he told the company that they could make big headlines if they had her go on Letterman with him. He said they didn't even pick up the phone. He said that they are so afraid of her that they wouldn't even ask. Howard said she's got them licking her labia's. He said they're licking her majoris and minoris.
The caller said he wants someone from management to come in and profess their love for him. Howard said they actually do that. He has respect for management there but it's hard to get anything done there. He said he has ideas and they tell him he can't do that. Howard said he's just trying to get the stock up. He said he owns a lot and he'd like it to go up. He said it got up to 1.87 and he was excited but then he saw it went down to 1.60 or something.
Howard said he likes this caller. The guy was a truck driver. Howard said he'd rather work with that guy over some of the people that he works with. He said that he'd hire him over Joel Hollander.
Howard let the caller go and talked about the Knicks win last night. Robin said the new guy did a great job and he was making spectacular shots from what she heard.
Howard said he watched American Idol last night and he found himself missing Simon's input. He said they're getting it down to the final 24 and they're doing this nice thing where they're nice to everyone. He said he felt like some of them had good voices but it was such schmaltz. He said they were covering Beatles songs and it was too goofy. He said that maybe Simon would have said something about that. He said Randy is supposed to be the one stepping it up but he's not doing it. He said Randy is just Randy.
Howard said they have this thing they do on Idol where they tell the contestants if they're moving on to Los Angeles. He said they do that false thing where they make them think they're not moving on but then they break the news that they are. Howard said he would tell them that they have to cut the shit out and get some honesty going. Howard said they're too corny sometimes. He said you don't have to give them the false signal. We don't need it.
Bobo called in and asked if he feels he has to stay in shape to keep up with Beth. Howard said of course he does. He said that he has always wanted to be in shape and he has to stay in shape for Beth. He said she's doing some kind of bathing suit shoot in a week or two so she's in lock down mode for eating. He said she's skipping the whole menu. He said that she'll eat like half a meal. He said he can't do that. If it's on his plate he has to eat it. Howard said she goes into that mode and yesterday she came in and had a spray tan test done on her and she didn't like it. He said she took off her shirt and he saw how ripped she was. Howard said he's always tired to stay in some kind of shape so he has to try and look halfway human for her.
Bobo said he loved that bathroom shot of her. Howard said she has told him that being in shape is important to her so she wouldn't tolerate him getting fat. Howard said they have a good time.
Bobo told Robin she was great on Joy Behar's show but he didn't know who that Marlon Wayans guy was. He was kissing her hand and stuff. Bobo didn't know who he was so Howard hung up on him. Howard said if you try to say goodbye he won't let you.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Beth would give him a pass for a day... Howard cut him off and said that won't happen. Robin said that's the premise of that stupid movie they were talking about the other day. The caller asked if he would be with Jessica Alba or Scarlett Johansson. Howard said Jessica looks very young to him so he would be with Scarlett. Howard said Jessica looks too young to him said she looks sexless. Robin said he should see ''The Killer Inside Me'' because she's very sexy in that one.
Robin told him to get it from Netflix. Howard said he has Netflix and gets billed for it but he never orders any movies. Robin said he can watch movies on TiVo if he wants to. Gary said that's the greatest thing ever. Gary told Howard how he works it at his house. He said he sets up movies on his queue and he can watch it on his TiVo at his house. Gary said it's a little tricky setting it up at first. Howard said he knows he'll have a problem if he has to do that. Howard said he can't figure out anything. Gary said he'll come over and set it up for him.
Gary told Howard that everything on Netflix is not available yet but there is some stuff. He said he's already paying for it so he should use it. Gary said he found out about this and he has like half a dozen movies in there. Howard said they must look at him like he's an asshole for signing up and paying for it when he doesn't even use it.
Howard said he wants the movie like right now. Robin said that Vudu is another great one he should try. Howard said he doesn't want to pay for even more stuff he doesn't use.
Howard said he likes watching movies on On Demand. He said they have like 16 pages of movies and you should be able to scroll through the pages. He said you have to go through them so slowly that it takes 20 minutes to get through them. He said he hates the cable companies.
The caller asked Howard if he doesn't look closely at the vagina while he's down there. Howard said he thinks he could draw a picture. He said that he sees it up close in porn and he doesn't like seeing it up close. He said he doesn't want to open it up and examine it. Robin said that they say most men don't even know where the clitoris is.
The caller asked if he looks at Beth while he's down there. Howard said the lights are down low when he's doing it. He said he keeps them low so the women can't see him. He said that no woman can find that attractive down there. Howard said Beth was on the floor of the office talking to him and she told him he looks really thin. She asked him to lift his shirt up but he refused. He said he's really not in good shape and he didn't want to turn her off. He stays covered. He said he's like a woman in a birka. He only reveals little glimpses. Howard said he wishes he was like Benjy who doesn't care about who sees him. Howard and Fred goofed on him for a minute.
Benjy said the girls he's with don't usually see him naked until he's ready to break up with them. He said he wants to see the girl but he wants it pitch black in the room so they can't see him. Howard said Beth can't tell you what he looks like. He said that he keeps the lights low.
Howard said that if you stare into a girl's vagina it freaks them out. The caller said that he does look when he's down there. Robin said that Amy Fisher's husband was doing that in the porno they put out. They played some audio from that video and got all creeped out by it. Howard said they should revisit those tapes right now. He told Fred to play some more of the clips. He played some and Howard said that Amy tires putting on that sexy voice and it's just creepy. Howard said she can barely speak normally.
JD said that a lot of the girls don't know who he is. Howard said they have to get some of them in there. JD said he's not sure what girls he would get because he doesn't go on the web sites anymore. Howard said he has to remember who they are. Howard told JD to write down the sties he goes to and the girls he thinks are hot and they'll get some of the girls in there. He told him to find some of the regular girls too.
JD was all bummed out by the whole thing so Howard asked what's wrong with him. JD said that he doesn't want to be involved. It's just putting more attention on him. Howard asked JD if he's greasing his hair back now. JD said he's not. Howard said he has to play some audio of Ronnie at this strip club appearance. He said he looks like one of the Egyptians putting his hands all over the reporter. He said that he's the creepiest one there. Howard said he has to play some of those clips when they get back from break. He told JD to get to work on that web cam girl thing. He said that he likes his hair slicked back. Robin said that it's too severe. Howard said he might be showing too much face. JD just laughed. Fred said that he's like ''Gordon Geeko.''
Howard asked JD if he's so secure with his face that he thinks it looks good. Howard said you have to have a very handsome face to get away with that. JD said he's just brushing it back, he doesn't know. Howard said the sides are very short. JD said he wanted a fade. He said that's what they call it when it's cut like that. Robin told him to muss up the top a little bit. Howard asked JD where he learned about the fade. JD said he doesn't know. Robin said black guys have fades. JD just laughed. Howard said there's a guy on Boardwalk Empire who has that cut. He said that he's the good looking guy on the show. Howard said the look is very severe for JD. JD asked if there's anything he does that's not severe. Howard thanked ''JZ'' for coming in.
The caller told Howard that the Sirius app is great on the Android and it's bringing the service to a new level. Howard let him go after that and then went to break.
Howard came back and said he got into some trouble with the audience talking about not going to Richard Christy's wedding. He said he was listening to High Pitch Mike and he was going off on him over that too. He said he didn't say Richard wasn't a good guy, he's just not going to a wedding in the summer. Howard said Richard would still be in a trailer in Kansas if he didn't have him. He said that he's going to unfriend Mike on Facebook thanks to the attack he did on him. He said that the only reason Richard has that girl is because she was an intern there on the show. Robin said there would be no wedding without him.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about the shit storm that has started up in Gary's home town. The woman who had the bag of feces in her mailbox has started bringing that bag to meetings. Howard said instead of throwing that out she's carrying it around? Steve said she's done this twice now. Steve said that she wanted it to be investigated but they can't do an investigation if she's carrying the bag with her. Steve said it's obviously a smear campaign.
Gary came in and said this woman is tormenting him and he's been on the cover of the local paper 7 days in a row. Howard asked why he doesn't just drop out. Gary said that he's not going to let her win. He said that there are just a small minority that are against him getting on this board. Gary said that she took it out and put it on the table at the meeting one night. He said that it does smell too. He said that she was there on Tuesday night and the bag was like 10 days old at that point. Howard wondered what she's doing. He said he doesn't know this woman or why she has it in for Gary. He said that it has nothing to do with him being on the board for parks and recreation. Gary said they took a vote to revote on him for the first time in the town's history. Gary said they had to vote to revote and they re-voted but he still won but by less of a margin. Gary said he thinks that she wanted a vote this time so she could vote against him.
Howard asked why this woman is carrying a bag of shit on her. He said that he doesn't condone doing that to her but it reminds him of what his mom used to do to him complaining about giving him a room that he should keep clean. Howard said that she's carrying the bag of shit with her like a badge of courage. Howard asked how long the bag stayed on the table. Gary wasn't there so he's not sure. Howard asked Steve if he knew. Steve didn't know either. Gary said he read about it in the paper and she said something about how you can't just gloss over things like this and life isn't pretty all the time.
Howard said he doesn't condone this behavior of the fan who did this. Gary said he doesn't either. Gary said it gets worse too. Howard said to carry that bag around sounds really strange. Steve said they assume that she still has it. Howard said he's so fascinated by this story. He said that the woman is holding on to this bag of feces. Howard said she wants proof and it's crazy. He said it's wild. Gary said it made it to the local news up there. Howard said this woman is known for something her great grandmother did and he's not sure what this woman does. He said now she has a cause and Gary has given her a living. Gary said he didn't expect all of this. He said he expected some of it but not this much.
Howard asked if Gary thinks that she's plotting against him. Gary said he does think that she is doing that now. Gary said he had a meeting with her at town hall and she showed him the bag of feces. Gary said there was a selectman there and this woman. He said that he walked into the room and the woman is a pleasant woman to deal with. He said she had the feces in a blue bag like one you'd get a newspaper in. Gary said that it still stinks in that bag too.
Gary told Howard that they play the audio from the show about all of this too. He said that the woman played all of this and she didn't bleep it so the people got upset that there were curse words in it. Howard said a bunch of ''fucks'' and ''cunt'' and said he hopes they play this too.
Howard asked Gary more about the meeting he had with this woman and why he's doing it. Gary said that this is all a smokescreen that this woman is making up and no one is looking at who he really is for this position.
Gary said someone sent out an email to all of the board members and one of the lines was about how disgusting he is and the person said they have to protect the parks and their kids from this man. Steve had that letter so he read it to Howard. This person goes on and on about Gary and how he's responsible for insulting and abusing women verbally. Gary said they can't find this guy who signed his name on the letter. He said he thinks the guy is made up but he's not sure who did it.
Gary said that this woman's reasoning about bringing up the show in her arguments is that throwing baloney at a woman's ass is ''recreation'' so he shouldn't be part of the parks and recreation thing. Gary said that he's been told to stick with this because they know he's a good guy. Howard said that Gary is a really good guy who wants to be involved and this is the crap he has to put up with. Howard asked when she pulled out the bag of shit. Gary said it was like 1/3 of the way through the meeting. Gary said she reached into her bag and pulled out the plastic bag and unfolded it. He said that it was exposed shit when she pulled it out. Gary said it looked like a dog turd to him. He said it looks like it came from a dog to him.
Gary said that the turds were fairly well formed and that's how they were delivered to her apparently. Howard wondered what you say to that. Gary said he doesn't know exactly how it was delivered. Howard said maybe she shouldn't be sitting on the board. Gary said that's for other people to decide. Gary said that the place she did this was in the place where people eat lunch. That's where she threw it down.
Howard said that it would be great if this woman was voted out and Gary was voted in. He said she must have a lot of spare time on her hands. He asked Gary if she works. Gary said he doesn't know.
Gary said that he has to go to another meeting soon and in a couple of weeks he has to go in front of the whole 250 people. He said that he's going to have people speaking and he thinks that she'll be there to speak out against him.
Howard asked Gary where the shit is now. He said she must keep it somewhere. Gary said it was supposed to be handed over to the Postmaster General but it wasn't. Howard said she wants to hold on to it herself. Gary said that this woman isn't on the board for the next meeting he has to attend but it's a public meeting so she will probably be there. Gary said that there are a lot of people who are embarrassed by this whole thing. Not by him but the whole shit thing.
Howard said he's thinking about making this into a film. He said he's fascinated by the whole thing. Howard asked Gary what he did when she pulled out the shit in the meeting. Gary said they told her to put it away. He said he didn't need to see it. Gary said that they had it on the news and they cubed it out on the news. Robin wondered why they would do that. Gary said they only did it on the close up.
Gary said that they're really voting on the show and not even on him. Gary said at the last meeting they pulled something off of SternFanNetwork and she started to read from it. He said they don't know that it's not part of their show. Gary said that they used the N-word and the word Spic in the post so there are people who are upset about that.
Gary said this is embarrassing to him but he's not going to stop. He said that he's going to go through with this even though it's not easy. Howard said you just want to blend in and enjoy your day at home. He said that this is the one place you want to relax. Gary said he wouldn't have done this if he knew this was going to happen. Howard said he thinks he warned him. Howard said he doesn't know this woman but he's sure that Gary is a better person than this woman. He said it's ridiculous what he's going through. He said this woman is walking around with a bag of shit. He said this is the stuff that inspires movies. Gary said he'll be in the paper again tomorrow for what he said today. Howard said that they will get no energy from this if they stop talking about it.
Gary said that this woman kept it going while they were on vacation. He said she was surprised when the news showed up at her door but she was the one who emailed the paper. Gary said if it was him he would have thrown that shit away and not told anyone about it. He said that she told him that she will not be silenced over this. Gary said he's not trying to silence her. Howard said she's walking around with a bag of shit so of course the news is going to ask her about it.
Steve Langford got back to his news and said that their news reports have made it to the news up there because of what they said.
Steve also said that Dr. Laura has said that she finds Howard Stern repugnant and she doesn't get him. Robin said this is a woman who doesn't like whole groups of people. Howard said she's said some things about gay people and she is a vicious animal. He said she's not even a good doctor. Robin said she's not a doctor. Howard said she's a nothing. He said the fact that she doesn't like him he takes with pride. He said if he had a bag of shit he'd show it to her with pride.
Steve said they have a Riley Martin story too. Riley wants to do his own channel there and they want to do a Wrap Up Show with Dan the Song Parody Man hosting it. Robin said she thinks that Riley was saying that Howard has to get him Twitter followers. Howard said he thinks that maybe Riley isn't the one on Twitter. He said that Gilbert Gottfried is on that Twitter and he can't possibly know how to do it. He said the next time he's in there he's going to sit a computer in front of Gilbert to see if he can really work the computer. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was listening to tapes of different things during the break. He said they learned yesterday that rock is dead and there are no rock stations left in radio. He said they don't sell records anymore and it's all over. Robin said it's not going away, it's just not as popular as it used to be.
Howard said that for some reason there are no more rock stations on radio. He said they don't play new rock music. He said that for the first time in forever there is no rock album in the top 25. He said he could care less. He didn't want to be interviewed about it later.
Neil Strauss was sitting in. He's the writer who is going to be interviewing Howard for Rolling Stone. Howard asked him about what he's liked on the show so far and things like that.
Howard said he will reveal himself to Neil later after the show. Howard said he looks very unprepared today. Neil said that he has been interviewing people for 15-20 years and he's most nervous about this one. He said he has interviewed Tom Cruise and Lady Gaga over the years and this is the one that's making him nervous. He told Howard about hanging out with Tom and what they did. He said that back in the day they used to take a month to write an article but now it's like 2 hours. Howard asked how long he'll interview him. Neil said it should be about 90 minutes or so. Howard said he hopes that's the longest it'll go. Howard said he will talk a lot so he shouldn't worry about it.
Howard told Neil about the stuff he used to stage for articles. Neil said the less he has around the better it is. Howard said that they had that one reporter hanging around with the General that led to him having to resign. He said that he's glad that he'll only be around for 2 hours.
Howard said Neil helped write a book with Tommy Lee. Neil said that he was sitting down with John Stamos last night. He said he wrote the Jenna Jameson book too. Neil said that Stamos told him that the Motley Crue book was his and Howard's favorite. Howard said John doesn't know that it's his favorite book. Howard said he doesn't know him that well.
Howard and Robin asked Neil about how he researched Howard for this article. Neil said he watched every Letterman appearance. He also listens to the radio show. Howard said he's glad he does that because he needs to know something about the show.
Howard said he's sort of looking forward to this interview. He asked Neil about working with Jenna Jameson and if he banged her. Neil said he did not. He said he wanted to bang her friends so he did that. He also wrote the book ''The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists'' which is like a dating kind of book. Neil said it's more about being a clueless guy and learning how women operate.
Howard asked Neil how much pussy he gets. Neil said he's had a girlfriend for about a year now but in the past he was getting to the point where he could get a number from 95 percent of the women he'd walk up to. He said he found that it was harder to get the girls who weren't as good looking. Howard said he found the same thing. It was harder to get the fat chicks than the good looking girls.
Neil told Howard about how his prom date left him at the prom for another girl. He said he didn't get to kiss anyone until he was a senior in high school. Howard said he had some kind of Epiphany and figured out the whole thing. Howard said that women must make snap judgments on guys right away. He said they know if they're interested in the first 30 seconds. Neil said that's true and you have to put on a performance when you walk into a room so they can see that. Howard said you have to be the most desirable guy in the room. Neil said that's what you have to do. Howard said he wanted to continue this discussion after he talks to Richard Roeper. He wants him to try and turn JD into a man. He said he's a loser's loser.
Neil told Howard that after ''The Game'' he got to the point where he'd have like 5 women at once. He said that it was really crazy. Howard said that it was interesting. Howard said he's damn right it's interesting. Howard said his dick must have fallen off. Neil said he had to stop because that kind of stuff isn't good in a relationship. Howard said he wants to hear more about this. He said he's banged some celebrities himself so that must put him in another category. Howard said Neil is impressive.
Howard asked how many girls he's banged. Neil said that he'd give him the number but it would sound horrible. Howard asked if it's over 150. Neil said he doesn't want to do the number. Howard said he'll answer his questions if he answers his. Neil didn't want to tell him. He said that it's in the hundreds though. He said he only had about 7 before 2005. Howard asked if he has a big, thick penis. Neil said that he's been told it's big but only by girls who haven't been with African American guys.
Howard said he should have Lisa G come in and see if Neil can pick her up. Neil said that he went out with Lisa G once to talk about a book she wanted to do on how women can pick up guys.
Howard asked if the girl he's dating is a model. Richard said that she does do some modeling. Howard asked Neil if he banged her. Neil said he doesn't remember. Howard said that Richard dumped that other girl that he was dating that was a 10. Richard said they parted ways as friends. He said he read a book called ''The Game'' and he knew there was more out there. He told Howard how he met her at a baseball game and he thought she was sweet and adorable and a great girl. Howard told the guys to put the picture of this girl out on the web so people can see who they're talking about.
Richard said that she's a great girl. Howard said that he had no idea that writing could pay off like that. Howard said women love it though. Richard said that she's a little younger than him. He said she's in her 20s. Howard asked how old Richard is. Richard is 51. Howard asked if he's ever going to get married. Richard said he's emotionally her age so it works out.
Howard asked Richard how long it took to get her in bed. Richard said he didn't remember details like that. Howard asked if her parents are upset with him. they must be around the same age as Richard. Richard said they're fine. He said he's not living with her though. Howard wondered how he pulled that off. He said that he must act all impressed with her. Richard said she does some acting and modeling so she's doing just fine. He said she's acting like she's interested in him. Howard asked if she's still living at home with her parents. Richard said she's not. He joked that it's like Dawson's Creek there with her living at home. Howard said that he admires Richard and this relationship.
Howard said that the Academy Awards are coming up so he asked him to call in and give his picks. He asked Richard for his picks. Richard gave some of his picks for awards like Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress. He was thinking Melissa Leo from ''The Fighter'' for Best Actress.
Howard said he hasn't seen all of the movies that are up for awards. He said that he's seen a lot of them. Howard said he thinks that Christian Bale might win for best Actor. Richard agreed. He said that Jeffrey Rush could get it too.
Howard asked Richard if he thinks that the tirade that Bale had on the set of Terminator could hurt him. Richard said if it happened last month maybe.
Richard said he thinks that Natalie Portman could win for Black Swan. He said that she's winning every award these days so she might pull this one out too.
Howard said that Colin Firth was great in ''The King's Speech.'' He said that he has to win. Richard agreed. He said that James Franco was great in ''127 Hours'' but Howard said he wouldn't even watch that movie.
Howard said he thinks that the best film of the year is ''The King's Speech.'' Robin says it's ''The Social Network.'' Richard said he thinks that they're both wrong and ''Inception'' was the best. He said that ''The Social Network'' was amazing. Howard didn't like that one as much as the King's Speech. He said it was good though.
Howard asked Richard more about his predictions for the Academy Awards. They ended up talking about James Franco and Anne Hathaway hosting the show and how they're going to do. Richard said that they're both pretty funny. He said that they pretty much disappear for most of the show after doing the opening. Howard said they've got a formula for the show and they hardly ever do show the hosts.
Howard read some of the stuff Richard wrote about what they'll do on the show this year. He said that he's predicting that 5 people will come up with a crumpled note like they don't really care or that they're unprepared. Howard said everyone wants to be cool.
Howard said Richard predicts that no one will use an iPad as a notebook. Howard said he can imagine someone doing that. Richard predicts there will be at least 2 Justin Bieber jokes during the show. He predicts that the orchestra will play off someone who is talking too much 6 times during the show.
Howard said Richard is predicting that he will bang his girlfriend at least 3 times that night. Richard said he's hosting a party that night so he can't do that. Howard asked if she goes out without panties on when they go out to dinner. Richard said that just showing up is enough for him. Howard asked how old her last boyfriend was. Richard said he doesn't know.
Howard read a bunch of other predictions from Richard. He asked him if he knows Mr. Skin at all. Richard said he knows him and he follows his Anatomy Awards very closely. Howard said he loves Richard and said you can find all of his picks at RichardRoeper.com. Howard said that Richard can also be seen on the Reelz channel. Richard thanked Howard for following him on Twitter because he picked up like 10,000 followers after that. Howard said he does great on Twitter so he had to follow him. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said Richard had the rug pulled out from under him when Roger Ebert got sick. Howard said that Richard is doing fine though. Howard said that Roger is still out there writing too.
Howard asked Neil how he came up with the idea for the book. Neil told Howard he wrote the Motley Crue book (Motley Crue: The Dirt - Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band) so he could get back stage and pick up chicks. He said he was walking around with back stage passes for girls to get back there.
Neil told Howard he was told to check out some underground pick up artists to write about. He said he wanted to change his name so no one would know who he was. He said he had to use a pseudonym during that time. Neil told Howard about this guy who is known as ''Mystery'' and he's one guy he talked to. Howard asked if he has a pick up name too. Neil said his name was ''Style.'' Howard said that he should get out of there. He didn't like that name.
Neil said that you don't want women to know who you are so you give out your real name. When you're studying you don't want them to find out who you are. Howard asked what the game changer was. Neil said the moment was when he went out with Mystery to this place called The Standard. He said that Scott Baio was there with his girlfriend and Mystery was going to show him how it works. He said that it was just a couple of couples in there. He said that Mystery walked up to the couples and he got a number from Scott Baio's date. He said Scott Baio asked if it was a trick or was he stealing his girlfriend. Neil said that was when he knew that it was something that could work.
Neil said that you have to win over the guy and the girl. He said he did magic tricks and stuff and that's when he works his way toward the girl. Robin said it sounds very subtle. Howard said he doesn't get the whole magic thing but Beth loves it.
Neil said he learned some magic but it's not really his thing. Howard asked if Mystery banged that chick that Baio was with. Neil said he doesn't think he did but he did get her number. Neil said that you can start out with just the approach and then you work your way up. He said that he was able to get phone numbers but it was crossing the bridge to making out with a woman that took some time. Neil told Howard that he didn't think that girls could find him attractive. He said the girls would get bored and leave. He said the thing that did it for him was this routine he had a name for. Neil said it was called the Evolution Phase Shift. He said that you can't lunge for a girl. He said you have to start getting her comfortable with touch. Neil said he's insecure but when he thinks he should be kissing a girl it might be time to kiss her. He said the first move is to tell her she smells nice. He'd smell the girls down and they never say no to that. He said you back off after that. He said that people are programmed to smell like dogs. Neil said the second move is to talk about hair pulling and how cats do that. He said that he would gently pull the girl's hair back during that discussion. He said that he'd back off again. Neil said that he learned the hard way about extensions though. M
Neil said the third thing was to touch a girl o the arm and tell her that she should have a guy bite her there and then he bites here there. He said you have to move one step at a time and it worked for him. He said he would bite their neck next and then move on to the kiss. He said that worked for him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she studied with someone who knows Neil and she's seen them work with women and it works. Howard said he had no idea what she was talking about. Howard said they all sound kind of nerdy to him.
Howard asked if the book still sells well. Neil said it does. Howard said he's doing this interview with Neil and he's trying to promote this app thing. He told Neil to let him keep it in. Neil said they told him that it had to be in the article.
Howard asked Neil if he makes a lot of money writing for Rolling Stone. Neil said he does it because he enjoys it. He said that he makes his money writing books. Fred had the computer voice saying that Neil fucked her and left her.
Ralph called in and said that this sounds like a lot of work and kind of creepy just to get laid. Howard said Ralph is good with women and he has a natural ability. Ralph said you just get them drunk and make your move. Howard said Neil is referring to guys who are bald, short and have no self confidence. Howard said they can't get laid with Mrs. Howell on Gilligan's Island. Neil said that since he wrote the book he has heard from people asking for advice on dates. He said he had Orlando Bloom asking him for advice.
Neil asked Ralph when he lost his virginity. Ralph said he was out of high school. He didn't do that well with women. Howard said he got laid at 16. Howard said he got tons of girls. Ralph said he started smoking pot so that loosened him up. Howard said he had years when he had no girls. He said he would go on streaks. Ralph said you just go out and hang, have a good time and the girls will come to you. Howard said not everyone can do that.
Howard asked Neil about the girl he's with now. He asked if she's a 10. Neil said he thinks she is. He had a picture of her on his phone. Howard wanted to check it out. Neil said that before this he thought all he wanted was models and stuff. Howard said he's imagining that she'll look like Susan Boyle. Neil showed him the picture of the girlfriend and Howard said that she's hot. Neil said he had a better one. He said she has a web site. Howard said she's definitely hot. Neil said he didn't want to plug anything. Howard told him to go ahead and do it. He said it's GigiAmore.com. Howard sounded shocked by how hot she was. Benjy said she has a really nice body. He was checking out the pictures on her site of her in bathing suits. Neil said she's 26 years old. Howard asked if she gives him anal. He said he thinks they tried it once. He said there was no mud.
Howard asked if she's great in bed. Neil said she's good but not great yet. She's very inexperienced. Neil said that he might ruin the relationship by talking about this. He said she doesn't get super wet. Howard asked if he bangs her bareback. He said she has orgasms but she doesn't get super wet. He's never said anything about her before like that. He said that his last girlfriend was a squirter so it's different. Howard said that he had a girl who was kind of dry and he took it personally. Neil said that mentioning it might make it worse. Robin asked if he does foreplay. Neil said of course he does. Howard said this could be a deal breaker. Neil said it's really not.
Neil told Howard that he had a guy tell him that you have to pick a girl for intimacy. Howard said that it must hurt if it's dry. Neil said it's wet enough but not super wet. Howard said he might have to lube her up. Neil said he thinks he may have just ruined his whole sex life. Howard said Robin is always wet. Robin didn't hear the comment but just agreed with him when he asked if that's right. She was busy with her news or something.
Howard said he was with a girl who was just 21 and she was very dry. Robin said some women take a while to hit their sexual peak. Howard said he took it very personally. Howard said that Neil has been with this girl for a year and she's still not getting wet. Robin said she remembers a point when she would get full lubrication. She said that there was a time when she didn't get all that wet and didn't know what she was doing. She said that it takes some time to get it all right. Robin said in one relationship it hit her at the right time.
Howard told Neil to talk to Robin about it. Neil said some girls squirt and they think they're going to pee but it's not pee. He said they hold back because they think they're going to pee. Robin was grossed out by the whole squirting discussion.
Howard said that he's happy to plug his book ''The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists'' as long as he plugs the Sirius XM app in the article. Howard had to go to break and told Neil to call his girlfriend during the break so he doesn't ruin anything with her.
Howard came back and said he was in there impressing his Rolling Stone writer. Howard said he should write down everything he hears.
Howard said it was time for Robin to do her news. Fred played her in with a Little Mikey song parody. Robin thanked Fred so much for that. She said that was one of his worst songs ever.
Robin started her news talking about Billy Ray Cyrus and Miley Cyrus. Howard said he thinks that Disney is satan and they ruined his little girl. Howard said he wishes Billy was there so they could discuss it. Robin said that Billy was out there on a speaking tour but he's gone home to try and mend things at home. Howard said Billy was in Hannah Montana with his daughter so he's not sure why he's so upset. Robin read some details about what's going on with him and how they're trying to sort through their problems.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she feels so bad for Neil because he's going to be in so much trouble with his girl. She said that she used to be on birth control that dried her up. She said that she's usually a squirter. Neil said he is in trouble. He said that she's in L.A. so she's on a delay right now. He said he has a few hours to work that out.
Robin read a story about the John and Kate plus 8 people. They're going to try it again. She said they got divorced but the public lost their fascination with them and now they're trying to reconcile. Robin said they say they miss each other. Howard said they miss the fame.
Howard said he promised today that he would get to the Ronnie clips earlier but he had to hold off on that because Neil came in and hijacked the show.
Robin said that Charlie Sheen is in the news. She said he's reportedly spending time in the tropics with a couple of girlfriends and his ex-wife. Robin said that he's taken Bree Olson and Natalie Kinley and his ex-wife. Howard said he bets there's no one drying up on that island. Robin said he's due back on the set of his TV show next week.
Howard said that they're looking for people who have speech impediments. They have a contest going on and you can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard.
Robin read about a child from ''Deadliest Catch'' who died earlier this week. They don't know the reason for his death yet. Robin said they say he died peacefully in his sleep.
Howard said that Ryan Seacrest was trying to get an interview with Lady Gaga the other day and he found it odd that he was trying so hard to get that interview holding his mic up to her egg. Howard had the audio from that moment on the pre-show for the Grammy Awards. Howard said that Ryan talks so slow that he never makes any mistakes. Howard wondered why he was the only one allowed to speak to her. He played some of that interview and Ryan was talking to her people and playing along with her horse shit. Howard fast forwarded through some of the bullshit and got to where Ryan was talking to her through the egg. She waved to Ryan but didn't speak to him.
Howard wondered why Ryan didn't just break and tell her how stupid this is. JD came in and told Howard that Ryan is producing a reality show with her in it so that might be why he got the interview. Howard said Ryan has his fist up everyone's ass and hiring every kook he can find. He is the new Dick Clark. Howard said that someone should whip out their cock and just piss all over Ryan and see if he takes it. Howard said he can imagine Seal peeing on Ryan and Ryan reporting on it. That led to him talking about the most vapid interview he ever saw and how it was with Heidi Klum, Seal and Ryan. He had that audio too. He played some of that interview. Howard said he's never heard a more vapid interview in his life. He said it's really empty.
Howard said that Will Smith was there too so he had audio of that. He said that he thinks that they don't want to hang around anyone who isn't famous so that's why they're pushing their kids into this acting thing. Howard said he wouldn't want his kids to be famous like that. Howard played the clip of Ryan talking to Willow Smith who said she thinks she's changing people's lives with her music. Howard said they brought out Jayden Smith too and had him practicing on stage with Justin Bieber. Howard said he can imagine why his parents are putting up with it but not with the Smith's. He said it's weird that they named their kids WILLow and JAYden. He said he has to talk to that whole family.
Robin read some news about Laura Logan who was beaten and stripped and aggressively pinched. Howard said they also called her a Jew over and over. Robin said they were saying that some of the reporters were Jewish spies so that's why that was going on. Howard said maybe those guys read Neil's book and they misinterpreted it. Howard said they're very angry people over there. He said that they're all against the Jews and not even Hosni Mubarak. Howard asked Neil if he's ever thought about pinching a girl and calling her a Jew. Neil said he hadn't thought of that.
Robin read about the 4 people who were killed by pirates recently. She had some audio of someone talking about those people. Howard said he hates boats and he will never meet a pirate. Robin said not until they start invading pools. Howard said he can't imagine sailing around Somalia. Robin said they were distributing bibles over there. Howard said he's a big bible guy and he'd just air drop them into the country. He said he's airlifted like a million bibles and he's never been boarded once. Robin read some more details about that story and how the people were killed. Howard said they should distribute Neil's book (The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists) to these people. Neil said that they designed it to look kind of like a bible so that would work.
Robin read about this billboard that's up saying that the most unsafe place for an African American child is in the mother's womb. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about why they have this billboard up. Howard said he's all for abortion and he doesn't think that any woman should be forced to have a baby she doesn't want. He said that he thinks they should be allowed to have an abortion up until 8 months. Robin asked about extending that until 2 years. Howard said that the soul doesn't come until the child is born. Robin said if the child can live then the soul is present. Howard said the country is filled with unwanted children and they grow up to be criminals and mutants. He said women's lives are ruined by kids they don't want. He said it's a life of disaster. He said Glenn Beck is always talking against it but he doesn't ever adopt any of these unwanted kids. Howard asked Robin what she thinks is the cut off for a pregnancy. Robin said 3 months is plenty of time. Howard said that some fat women don't even know when they're pregnant. He said they need more than 3 months.
Robin read about a couple of teachers who were fired for having sex in school. They're now suing the city for ruining their lives. Robin said they allegedly did this while the kids were in the auditorium for an event. Howard said that he doesn't get why they have to do this in public places. Howard said he's plenty excited doing it at home. He doesn't need more excitement. Howard said that these lesbians don't need to be doing that either. Robin said that it was a janitor that found them having sex. Jason said that the guy never actually saw them having sex. He said they're now claiming that they didn't have sex. Benjy read some other details about that and said that she was ripping her clothes off because she was having a diabetic attack and the other one was just trying to help. Jason said that they were saying that the janitor didn't even see both of the women, he only saw one and made up the rest. He said that's what it said in the paper today.
Robin read a story about a guy in California who was living with his dead uncle for 30 days. He was accused of stealing money from him too. Robin said the guy was using his ATM card to withdraw money and he was using it to gamble among other things.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a gynecologist and it's not always about arousal and some women don't make that much lubrication down there. He said it's not always the guy's fault. He said that she is having orgasms so she's aroused. Neil said she definitely does have orgasms. Howard asked Neil if the dryness bothers him. Neil said he's just not used to it but it doesn't bother him. Neil said that her orgasms are real as far as he can tell. Neil said that he will wet both of them and he's fine. He said he's fine after that. Howard asked if he has to lick his hand and then wet his penis. Neil said that's what he does. Howard said he's never had to do that. The doctor on the phone told him not to use spit because there are so many germs in your mouth. He told him to use some Astroglide or something like that.
Robin read about how Apple and wondered what they're going to do if Steve Jobs dies. Robin said maybe they can keep his head and keep that going. Robin said they have to get to work on that now. Howard had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 9:50am, Robin got back to her news and read about caffeine overdoses and how you and how they can be spotted. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how you can spot the symptoms. Howard said he sees people drinking that coffee and he doesn't get it. He said sine of the drinks they have now aren't even coffee anymore. He talked about how addicted to that stuff people are and how they're like children who can't control their impulses. Robin read details about how much caffeine a person should have in a typical day. Howard said they carry that thing around like a baby bottle.
Robin read a story about Lindsay Lohan going back to court and how she has to go back in March. Robin said she will get jail time. Howard asked Neil if he thinks that he could pick her up. Neil said she might be easier than a lot of women. Robin had some audio of the judge telling Lindsay that she is going to jail. Robin said that they're going to decide on the case on March 10th. Robin had some audio of the judge telling Lindsay that she may have to get psychological help. Howard said he can't stop thinking about her being in jail. Howard said he had some people up to his office yesterday from King Baby jewelry and he made sure to show he had none of their stuff on him when he left. He didn't want a Lindsay Lohan incident happening to him.
Robin read about how Orbitz.com has found that Orlando is a big vacation spot for families this spring break. She had some audio of a rep from Orbitz talking about that.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who asked what song he would dedicate to Beth if he could do that. Howard said he would dedicate Ed Torian singing ''Poker Face'' to her. He played the song. Howard said he's really not sure what song he would dedicate. He wondered what kind of question that was. Speech said that maybe it would be ''Imagine'' by John Lennon. Howard played the ''I'm a Pedophile'' song parody instead. Speech said he liked that. Howard said he figured he would. Howard played Adam Sandler's ''At a Medium Pace'' next. Speech said he liked that one too.
Robin got back to her news and read about a Deputy General in Wisconsin who was fired after Tweeting about how protesters should have deadly force used against them. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about Larry King sitting in with Piers Morgan on his show. Robin had some clips from that interview. Howard said he likes that Larry thinks he's going to go out and do stand-up. Howard played a few clips and Larry talked about doing some specials for CNN. He said that he hasn't seen Piers acting dangerous on his show yet.
Robin read about President Obama speaking out against what's going on in Libya. She had some audio of that. Howard said he thinks that Obama said ''shit'' in one of his speeches. Howard played the clip and it sounded like shit but it was just a slip up.
Robin read about Carmello Anthony starting with the Knicks. She had some audio of some people talking about last night's game. Howard said he'd like Carmello to come out and acknowledge him there. He said that the guys usually pass right over him and go to Spike Lee or Tracy Morgan instead.
Robin read about Tiger Woods being eliminated in a match in Arizona. Robin said he hit a ball into the woods and over shot a putt. He admitted he blew it to the reporters. Howard said he kind of likes that he's a loser now. Howard said it's more fun watching him lose than it was watching him win. Howard said he thinks that Tiger won so much money he doesn't care anymore. Gary said he's definitely not focused anymore. Howard asked if Gary should be allowed to comment on sports after throwing that baseball pitch like a girl.
Robin asked if Justin Bieber was wrong to cut his hair. Howard said no. Robin said he's lost followers because of that hair cut. Howard just laughed. Robin said he's down by 80,000 followers after his hair cut. Howard said he thought he lost them because of his abortion comments. Robin had some of Justin's music. Howard said he's going to unfollow him just because of that.
Robin read that Sea World is returning the whale trainers back to the water a year after a trainer was killed by one of the killer whales. Howard said it's so wrong to lock these things up in tanks like that. He doesn't get why they continue to do that. Howard said that Siegfried and Roy learned their lesson the wrong way. Howard did an impression of Roy after the attack. It sounded a lot like his Dick Clark impression. Howard said they hung on to that tiger. If that thing had attacked him he would have killed it.
Robin read about how the White House is celebrating black history month with some performances. She said Smokey Robinson will be there.
Howard said he would love to have Dick Clark interview Roy of Siegfried and Roy. He did an impression of the two speaking to each other in an interview. Robin said Kirk Douglas could be there too. Howard had them talking about sex and about Neil Strauss' book. Howard told Neil to write about this in his article.
Robin read a story about Nicholas Cage and his new movie ''Drive Angry'' which is in 3D. Robin had some audio of Nick talking about the 3D. Howard said he can just imagine that fake hair heading toward you in 3D.
Robin had some audio of Jenna Fisher and Christina Applegate talking about the movie ''Hall Pass.'' The two of them were saying that no sane woman would actually do this. Howard said it's too bad Dick Clark isn't interviewing them.
Robin said that Anne Hathaway is going to be hosting the Academy Awards this weekend. She had some audio of her talking about working with James Franco. She also talked about when she fell in love with movies. Howard said he could listen to that all day but they're out of time. He wrapped up the show around 10:15am.
Gary said that he remembers reading about how Tom Cruise stopped in a high school to play hoops in an interview once and that's what got Howard thinking about coming up with something he could do himself.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks about Neil's research on Howard and how he watched all of his Letterman appearances. Gary said that's not the only thing he would do but it is an interesting way to see Howard's evolution.
Jon said that he Neil's stories were pretty fascinating. He asked Gary what he thinks about all of that. Gary said he's known about Neil for a long time and he has had friends tell him about his book. He said it's almost like a self-help book. He said he had never seen him before and when he saw him this morning he was not what he expected to see. Jon said he looks fairly geeky. He thinks that's fair to say. Jon asked Gary if he would do some of those things that Neil suggested. Gary said he'd get caught doing that and Howard wouldn't let him get away with it if he did.
Jon and Gary also talked about Ralph and how he has his own look and a rap going on so he can get chicks. Benjy said that Ralph is very good at shmoozing. Gary said he thinks that you have to live that life of a geeky guy to know what it's like. Gary said Ralph does a good job of acting like he doesn't give a shit but he's not sure it it's acting.
Jon brought up the discussion they had about how the wet thing came up about Neil's girlfriend. Jon and Gary didn't know. Benjy kind of had an idea. Jon wondered if JD learned anything from what he heard today. Gary said JD may not think it'll work for him because that's his lack of confidence.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has been listening to them since he was a kid. He was in London today and he told them he's making an album over there. The guy said that he's kind of nerdy and he thinks that he's giving the wrong information. He said that touching girls arms and bullshit like that doesn't work. He said that what works is confidence. He said he grew up in foster homes and he had every bad thing happen to him. He said it took him until 19 to get laid. After that he had to fake his confidence until he got it. Benjy said he thinks that he was telling people to work slowly into all of that. The caller said he's talking about getting laid though. Jon said he agrees with the caller that it's all about confidence.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of Neil talking about the cat biting thing and how he'd tell girls about that and then pull their hair.
After that clip Benjy said he doesn't think he was saying that he does it after just 20 minutes. It's after they've established that they're having a discussion. Jon and Gary asked if he has ever tugged on a girl's hair. Benjy jokingly said he's told girls he has a gun and they'd better listen to him. They went to break a short time later.
Gary asked Neil if he planned on talking about his girlfriend today. Neil said he didn't and he never would talk about that stuff in an interview. He said that they talk about how Howard gets that stuff out of his guests and they just can't do that for Rolling Stone. He said they have to dip in and out of that kind of stuff while Howard just drills into it. Neil said that the one sad thing is that he can't get the full story out about what he talks about in his book.
Jon said that one guy who could benefit from the show is JD. JD was in so he was laughing at Jon. Jon said the guy knows what he's talking about so maybe he could benefit. JD said that they're pointing out his flaws and he hates his flaws. He doesn't need them publicized to the public. Neil told him that he can do it off the air if he wants. JD said he's fine. He doesn't want that.
Gary asked JD if he thinks it won't work with him. JD said he's a pretty lazy person and this guy treated it like a job. He said he can't see himself committing to it. Gary asked him what he finds more important than women. Gary asked if he would rather see a movie or a stripper. Neil said that there's nothing better than a girl going down on you and feeling that you could die right then and you'd be fine.
Jon said that Neil did really well and JD could do the same thing. JD said he had to work really hard at it and he's not into doing that. He said he's not going to work to get laid that hard. He said he'd be out there doing it if it was.
Gary asked if he could take some of the lessons and just use some of it. Neil said it all depends on how far you want to take it. Neil said that you need confidence and success breeds confidence. He said that you worry about the rest of the stuff later.
Gary said he has had people tell him that Neil has it going on and he really does. Neil said that Benjy looks kind of tough so it might be harder for him. Neil said that he looks kind of like he could be beaten up by a girl so they might like that.
Jon asked Neil what advice John Stamos gave him about Howard. Neil said that he told him to ask about his father and some other things. It was nothing very deep though. He said he didn't betray Howard or tell him any secrets.
Neil said Howard goes to a lot of places on the air and he's not sure he'll be able to get him to open up. Gary asked what his favorite Letterman appearance was. Neil said they get better each time. Neil said Stamos told him to watch Don Rickles on Letterman too and he did that. He said that it seems like Howard clicked in the 90s and the magic started happening back then.
Benjy asked Neil about something he said about getting to that point where he could get a number from women like 95 percent of the time. Neil said he would show that off to his parents. He said that it's like showing them a super power. Benjy asked him if he could get a number from a girl that they just pulled in there. Neil said he's not sure. He said he did that on Jimmy Kimmel with Jessica Alba and they should watch that to see how it worked out.
Neil had to get out of there. Ronnie came in and got him so he could get back to Howard. Jon went to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that there are people who pick up shit in little blue bags and he knows that people do pick up shit and put it in the people's mail box who left the shit out. Gary said that would explain it if the shit wasn't accompanied by a note saying ''Howard Rules.''
Jon said that Gary can't give up. Gary said that he's tits deep in quicksand and he just can't give it up. Gary said it's not worth it but his kids have told him not to take it so he's just going to keep going through with it.
Gary said the best part is that he has another meeting next week and Steve is coming with him. Jon said that's Steve's wet dream.
Jon moved on to talk about JD's hair cut. He defended himself today. JD said he was just saying what the deal was. Jon said that he does seem to care a lot about his hair style. He thinks that it works for him. Gary said he thinks she looks like he's from the 80s band ABC.
JD said that he gets his hair cut short and then lets it grow long. He said he gets annoyed with it and then cuts it short again. He said it's a shock every time he does. Gary said he should get it cut very 4 weeks so he can keep the same style. JD isn't going to do that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was a video game tester and he was kind of like JD. He said that he read Neil's book (The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists) and it really helped him out. He said he's now the owner of his own game studio. The guy said that he got a lot of confidence from the book and it was like one of those Tony Roberts things.
JD said that he's just trying to get through the week and if he feels he needs to explore more then he'll go for it. He said he's not interested in it right now. Benjy said maybe he could pick up guys too. He said that he could be inspired to do a film if he reads this book.
JD said he is lectured every time he's on this show. Jon asked JD what he thought about Richard Roeper's Oscar picks. JD said he agreed with all of them. He said he has bets on some of them with Will. Jon said he thought that Richard was really good on the show today. Gary said he is and he wasn't trying to crowbar in any stuff.
Ralph called in and said that JD doesn't have time to do all of the stuff that Neil did. He said that he taught himself all of the stuff he needed to do to get girls. He said he was a geek and a nerd in high school so he knows what that's like. He said what Neil was doing sounded exhausting to him. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:15am.