|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
In the clip Howard took a call from a guy who was talking about how awful it was to wake up so early in the morning. They somehow ended up talking about gay stuff so Howard brought the guy into the ''homo room'' with him. Howard asked the guy what he was wearing and who he had in the room with him. He told him to lay on his back and asked if he had ever been with another man. The caller seemed to be getting freaked out by the conversation. Howard said they do this with people once in a while and bring people into the ''Homosexual Room.'' He had Fred open the door to the room and told the guy to lay on his back and pull his shorts down to his ankles. The caller played along with him and kept it going.
Howard put some jumper cables on the guy and had him yelling as he zapped him with that. Fred was playing all of the sound effects to go along with all of this stuff. Howard told the guy to put his t-shirt up around his nipples after that. He said he had to use a cattle prod on him next. He said they might have to get his dog involved in this and have it lick honey off his balls. The caller said the dog just left. Howard said the guy on the phone was a prude. The caller said he was letting him cattle prod him.
Howard had brought the caller out of the Homo Room but he brought him back in to tell him something. He found out the guy's name was Jim and said that he had to act macho once they got out of that room. Howard said he has to go back to that once they get out of there. Then he asked for a kiss. Jackie was making puking sounds when he heard that.
Howard and Jim left the homo room and then Howard started calling him names. He was calling him faggot and stupid queer. He said he had to do that so it sounded like he wasn't really gay when he was out of the homo room.
Crazy Cabbie Finally Meets His Birth Mother. 1/6/03. 7:45am
For the past three years or so, Howard has been trying to find Cabbie's birth parents so they could reunite them. A couple of months ago Gary finally got the leads he needed and tracked down the woman who gave birth to Cabbie. After some thinking the woman finally agreed to come in to meet the son she gave up for adoption some 30 years ago. Today she showed up to meet her son.
Howard had Cabbie and his girlfriend Tara come in first. Cabbie asked to have Tara in with him during this very emotional time. Howard said Tara is a very beautiful woman. Howard sounded like he was ready to interview her instead of Cabbie's mother. He didn't go in that direction though. He spent a couple of minutes talking to Cabbie about his relationship with Tara and all of the tatoos they have. Howard asked Tara how the sex is with Cabbie and she said it was good. Howard wanted to concentrate on Cabbie for a while though so he got back to him. Cabbie told Howard about some of the stuff he's done in his life that he regrets and said that he's been a very mean, angry person. He said that he was a drug addict and that's the way he treated people. He said he's done everything on his own in his life and went on and on about how happy he is now. The guys told Cabbie he was going to find out a lot about this family he doesn't know.
Howard asked Cabbie if he was ready to meet his mother. Cabbie started to break down and thanked Howard for making this happen. Within seconds he was fine and talked about Tara who he says he's going to spend the rest of his life with. Howard joked and told Tara to blink twice if she was being held hostage by Cabbie.
Gary left the room to get cabbie's mother. Howard said her name is Audrey. When she came in they hugged and kissed. Howard said it was very beautiful. Robin said she was getting a little upset when she saw them hugging. Howard said Audrey and Cabbie's profiles were identical. Howard said their noses are very similar. Cabbie sounded very mellow and happy as he looked at his mother's eyes. Howard wanted to move it along a little bit so he moved on to talk to Audrey. He said she was a little suspicious of them when she got the call from Gary. She told Howard when she got the first call from Gary he knew too much. She was a little afraid to come on the show at first. Howard read some of the notes about Audrey's life and how she got pregnant by this guy she wasn't married to. She said the guy was married and she's since lost track of him. She'd had an affair with this guy and got pregnant. She said she knew she wouldn't be able to take care of him because she was going through a divorce at the time so she decided it would be best to give him up for adoption. She said when she gave him up she spoke to him and told him he was going to go to a good home. She didn't name him though. She said they did give him a name at the hospital. That name was Timothy John. Audrey went on to talk about how she met another man who she married and had two more kids with. That guy also has two kids of his own so Cabbie has a bunch of brother's and a sister.
Audrey talked about Cabbie's two brothers and his sister. She wasn't quite sure what her one son in Florida is doing but thinks that he's in plumbing or something. Her daughter works at a hospital in food services. She said they're thrilled to know that they have a brother. Howard said Audrey was holding Cabbie's hand during this whole thing and he thought that was sweet. Cabbie said he'll probably call Audrey ''mom'' if that's okay with her. She said that was great. He also said he might think about changing his last name to hers. He wasn't sure about that though. Cabbie said he was really happy to finally meet his mother and it was great to have her in his life. Audrey said she was also thrilled to see him. She said she's had a hole in her life ever since the adoption and it's finally been filled.
Cabbie wondered how different his life would have been if Audrey had raised him. Howard said he'd probably be a plumber somewhere and he probably wouldn't have all of those tattoos all over himself.
Howard wrapped up the segment and Gary gave a plug to TravelWorm.com for hooking up Audrey and her husband with the trip to New York. He also said they're all going out to lunch together and they'll be treated to that meal. Cabbie thanked Howard and the guys for helping him out with all of this. Howard told him he's happy all of this has worked out. Robin said it's one of the better adoption reunion stories she's heard. She talked about some of the wacky things that happen to some adopted kids and their birth parents. Cabbie thanked a few other people who were very supportive during this whole thing. He also thanked Howard again for everything. Howard said goodbye to Audrey, Tara and Cabbie and finally took another commercial break.
After the break Howard said he wasn't sure if it was a blessing or a curse to have hooked Audrey up with Cabbie. He said when they went to break Cabbie ended up getting right into how bad his life was. Howard said Audrey wondered if Cabbie had any baby pictures of himself. Cabbie ended up going right into how he had to leave home when he was 13 because he was abused and was wetting his bed. Then he told her how he was in a boys home and he stopped wetting his bed and stuff like that. Howard said he's probably going to be bringing that stuff up all the time with her. Howard and the guys also noticed that Cabbie wasn't making eye contact with her and would pull his hand away from Audrey's when she'd hold it. He'd pull his hand from hers to hold his girlfriend's instead.
Howard Speaks To Scientific Map's Father. 1/15/98. 7:00am
Howard and Robin have been talking about this basketball player who's name is Scientific Map. The fact that someone named their child ''Scientific Map'' intrigued Howard. Gary got in touch with the kid's father and Howard spoke to him this morning. The father's name is Edward Map. He told Howard that he had problems with his name when he was a child and didn't like it. He didn't really have a good reason for naming his kid Scientific though. He has another son by the name of Majestic. His other children have odd names but they don't really go with Map. There's also a basketball player by the name of Exree Hipp.. All of this is kind of funny to Howard but Mr. Map doesn't think it is. He said that his children are unique as are their names.
In this Lucy bit Howard played Ricky, Al Rosenberg played Lucy and Fred played Fred Mertz. Lucy kept using terms like ''day go'' and ''wet back'' in sentences that confused Ricky into thinking she was using racial slurs.
In the clip Howard had Joel Sebastian come in to talk to him. Joel was an old radio guy who was pretty well known in the New York area. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Joel about what he was wearing and why he wears a sports jacket to work in a radio station. Howard said no one was treating him any better than anyone else there at the station. Howard said he doesn't wear anything like that and he's being treated the same awful way. Howard talked about how even Soupy Sales was dressing more casual than Joel was.
Howard ended up talking about how everyone sounds the same on top 40 radio. He said he was surprised that they didn't have him back at WPLJ or something to do his announcing there. Howard had their engineer play some of Joel's stuff where he introduced some songs. Howard and Robin talked to him about that for a short time. Joel was saying that you have to know where the ''post'' is in the songs and figure out how long you have to talk.
Howard played some more of Joel's stuff and goofed on the way he was talking up one song. He said he was cheating on one of them because he just said his name in a way that dragged it out so he was able to hit the post.
Howard said that Joel was a genius at this whole thing. Joel laughed when he heard that. He said ''not quite.'' Howard played some more of his song intros and goofed around with him some more about the intros. Howard told him he was acting too goofy. Joel just laughed.
Howard said he doesn't think he could ever do what he does. Joel said he doesn't have to because he's got his own thing. Howard asked Fred to give him a song to talk up. Fred gave him Jerry Rafferty's ''Baker Street'' to talk up. Howard wanted to see if he could talk it up like Joel does. Fred told him that they had 17 until the post and 23 total. Howard didn't even know what that meant. Joel explained it all to him. Then Fred played Howard in with a Howard Stern intro and then the song. Howard talked it up and tried to hit the post. He wasn't able to do it as well as Joel.
Howard said Joel would do weather reports and stuff over the start of the song. He didn't do that so he had to fill more time. Howard asked Joel if he wanted to try talking the song up. Joel was willing to give it a try. Howard told him to do it like he used to do at the station he used to work at.
Howard said he never listened to the kind of radio Joel was doing when he was growing up. He said there wasn't any content so it wasn't something he'd enjoy. Robin said she'd be upset when they'd talk over the songs because she was trying to tape them. Howard said he felt the same way.
Howard let Joel give the talk up a shot. He played Baker Street for him and Joel talked it up but stopped at 17 seconds instead of going for the 23. Howard said that's what his mistake was. Joel also gave it a big ''Pow!'' at the end.
Howard said he gets it now. He said he thinks he can do it like Joel. He had Fred play Baker Street again so he could give it a try. He did it a little better up to the 17 second mark. Robin said he still has to work on it a little more.
Sam Kinison Vs. Bobcat Goldthwait. 03/17/1988. 8:55am
Howard came back from break and spent more time talking to Sam about this movie idea he had. They ended up talking about Bobcat Goldthwait and Sam wanted to call him to yell at him.
Sam told Howard that he made $2.5 million last year just from touring. He said that he had some of the top grossing gigs of the year the previous year. He said his time was worth over $1200 per minute at one event. Robin told him that she was in love with him after hearing that.
Howard had Bobcat's phone number so he gave him a call so Sam could confront him. Bobcat was on the line so Howard told him that he had Kinison there. He said he was going to try and patch things up between them the last time he spoke to Bob. Bob told Howard to go ahead and patch away. After a minute Sam said that he was surprised that Bobcat hadn't hung up yet.
Sam asked Bobcat where he was calling from and found out he's out in Los Angeles. He held back on goofing on him a little bit. Howard said that these two guys think that the other one ripped off the other. Sam said that he doesn't think that they ripped each other off... Then he told Howard to go head with this happy reunion he had planned.
Sam said that Bob must be happy about the news about his career. Bob said he was asked to take Sam's spot in that movie he was kicked off of but he turned it down. He said he felt bad for Sam when he heard about it. Bob said he turned down a couple of the gigs that Sam had been rejected from because he didn't want to take any work from him. Sam said that he lost a few jobs in movies like ''Screwed'' and others.
Bobcat said that he didn't think that he and Sam have a similar act so he doesn't think that they have a problem. Sam said that he knows how to say no to bad, stupid movies that he knows are going to be shit. Howard said he can't hold that against Bob. Sam said that Bob tore him up in an interview he did where he called him ugly and stuff like that. That's where the interview went down hill. Sam started to go off on Bobcat for what he's said about him in the press while Bob said that Sam is the one bad mouthing him in the press.
Bobcat said that Sam had claimed that he ripped off his act but Sam said that he never said that. Sam told Bob that he was going to be in L.A. The next day so maybe they should talk then. Then Sam started getting angrier and angrier and threatened to beat Bobcat's ass on the set of his movie. Bob asked him what he was going to do and said he didn't want to fight him. Bob said he doesn't fight and doesn't carry a gun.
Sam said Bob probably wakes up wishing he could be him. He said he wasn't going to take this guy's crap and it was a bad idea to call him. Sam said that Bobcat thinks he's hot shit and he's really not. Howard told Bob he tried to get them back together but it didn't work and he was wrong. He said that the press has pitted the two of them against each other and now things are going all wrong.
Howard asked Sam if he was going to keep him in his movie after all of this. Sam was a little pissed off so Howard asked Bob where he was in all of this. Bob didn't have much to say. Sam said that he and Bob do have different acts but he doesn't deserve to be called the names that Bobcat has said about him in the press.
Bob asked if he could apologize for his comments and just forget about everything. Sam started to get pissed at Howard for backing out of everything and that's when Bob hung up and Sam said the F-word. Howard asked him not to do that to him on the air and freaked out when he cursed.
Sam said that Howard should get Bobcat back on the phone because he wanted to talk about him some more. Howard told Sam that he's going to be the greatest comic that ever lived and that's the way he thinks about him. He doesn't feel that way about anyone else. Sam whipped out his penis at that point. Sam said that he had to have a second of sexual gratification at that point while Howard was kissing his ass.
Howard and Sam went back and forth complimenting each other for a couple of minutes. Howard then called Bobcat back because Sam wanted him to back him up in all of this stuff. Howard called him but got his answering machine. Howard left a message telling Bob that he would never beat Sam because Sam is the king of comedy. Sam said a few words himself. Howard said he would never try to patch things up between guys like that again.
Howard said the worst part of his whole thing is that it took place during Jimmy Fink's time slot so he wasn't going to get the ratings for it. He told Sam he had showed up a little too late. Howard took some phone calls after that and one guy told Sam what a fan he was. Howard had to hang up on him because he was kind of annoying.
Another caller told Sam he saw him at a show and he was great. The guy also said that he had been listening to Howard for years. Sam told the guy to come out and see him at Rascals and to just knock on the back door telling them that he's the guy that called in.
Howard took another call from a woman who told Sam to be careful and make sure he doesn't get sent off to a mental home where he'd be tied up and labotomized. Howard was trying to find out what she was wearing and talked about what he would do to her if he got a hold of her.
Howard had to wrap up the show even though Robin hadn't gotten to much of her news. She said they did do the Honduras story though. Sam, who had been drinking wine all this time, was still kissing Howard's ass telling him he was going to put him in that movie he was talking about. Sam said his word is good and he will put him in that movie. Sam also said that he never would have hung up on Howard like Bobcat did. As Sam was talking about him Howard asked ''Bob who?'' as if he had forgotten all about Bobcat Goldthwait. A phone caller went along with that as well and pretended not to know who Bobcat was.
Howard said that since the people at Comic Relief had dissed Sam, he would never give money to the homeless again. Howard said that everyone is jealous of his career and he knows what that is like because he's had the same problems. He said that Sam is his best friend and continued to kiss his ass for a few minutes. He asked Sam to pull down his pants so he could stick his tongue up his ass as far as possible.
Sam told Howard he really appreciates him calling Bob and leaving that message earlier. He told Howard he will always love Howard and he'll always hate that guy Bobcat. Howard said that Sam has the brain of the best comedian around and not everyone uses that gift to do the right thing. He said that Sam turns down bad movies and doesn't get involved with the crap like certain other comedians do.
Howard said there is no more brilliant mind than this man Sam Kinison. He said that some day they will replay this tape and other comedians would listen to it and study him. The two of them continued to kiss each other's asses for a couple more minutes.
Sam said that he was done with the drugs at this point and he was only drunk on wine today. He said that he would always remember this day when Howard left that message on Bobcat's answering machine. Howard thanked Sam for saying that he has a big penis during the interview. He joked that when he was circumcised, they had to yell out ''timber!''
Howard was going to wrap up the show and give Jackie a plug but Sam mentioned his pal Mitchell who was there with him and how he would be at his show with him. They talked about coming up with a ''Bob Who?'' t-shirt to sell at the shows. Sam let out a couple of his classic ''Oh oh!'' yells as they were wrapping up.
In the bit Howard had June Foray on the show to do her Rocky and Bullwinkle voices for them. They wrote a bit for her to act in and they had Dick Butkus come in at the last minute so they wrote him into the script. They had June saying all kinds of wild stuff. She was okay with most of it but she did stop at one point saying she just couldn't say it. Dick said he didn't think he could say his lines either. He played along anyway. They did that all in front of an audience. June said she was probably going to get sued over that.
In the bit Howard and Fred are playing Ricky and Fred. They introduce Frank Zappa and have him show up at their door. Fred was playing Frank Zappa as well. They talked to Zappa about what he was up to in his battle with Tipper Gore and stuff like that. Then Lucy comes in gives a few ''Wah, Ricky, Wahhh'' comments.
In the clip we heard Gary telling Howard he heard that Clapton was rehearsing. Howard sent Gary out to get some audio of that rehearsal. Howard heard another rehearsal going on so he played his own drums to go along with that. Howard's drum set was a Casio keyboard with drum effects in it. Howard pretended he was really drumming.
After an edited out break Gary was up listening to Clapton through a closed door. Gary said he should be getting to it soon. Clapton could be heard playing in the background. Howard said that was him on drums again. Howard said they might have a good concert to hear that night. Gary told Howard who was up on stage rehearsing and they had a bunch of greats up there like Mark Knopfler, Elton John and Phil Collins as well as Clapton. Howard hung in with that for a few and played his Casio drums some more.
Howard said Gary is the kind of guy who gets really emotional at concerts. Howard said he doesn't get that way himself. Gary sounded like he had just orgasmed after hearing that Clapton thing. Howard asked Gary how he liked it when he was coming back in. Gary said he loved it. Howard said that was pretty incredible. He wondered if that was the highlight of his life. Gary said it was and he gets to see it again tonight. Howard said he should be looking at him the same way he looks at Phil Collins. Howard said Gary is forgetting who he works for. Howard and Gary went back and forth arguing about that for a couple of minutes.
In this clip we heard Howard on the phone with a caller talking about how they can all hang out now. He said he was there to talk about testicular cancer or lumpy testicles. Howard said he was reading about how to check yourself for testicular cancer and you can't be squeezing the things like they tell you in this pamphlet he got. Howard said he can't even touch his. He said he just cleans in the general area.
The caller had some jokes for Howard abut Howard wasn't able to use one of them. He ended up talking to the guy about his home life when he found out that he stays home while his wife works. Howard asked if he's embarrassed to be like that. The guy said no way. Howard said that his father would go nuts if he did something like that. He ended up making fun of the guy for staying home like that and told the guy that he was going to have him check himself for testicle cancer. Then he said he was going to take it into the Homo Room to get really intimate with him.
Howard brought the caller into the homo room and told him to really do this testicle check thing. He had the guy take off his underwear so he could do that. The caller played along and did it all. The guy was getting a little ahead of Howard though. Howard told him how to check for the lumps and Fred played some sound effects of some weird noises while he was doing that. Howard told the guy what to feel for and where everything was located. The guy tried to follow along. Howard told him to feel for lumps and the guy wasn't able to find anything.
Howard told him to contact a doctor if he does find anything. Howard said he doesn't want to be left ''holding the bag'' if he doesn't contact a doctor. Howard told the guy to put his pants back on. He had to get out of the Homo Room too. He had Fred close them out of the Homo Room and wrapped up with the caller.
April Fool's Prank On Gary. 04/04/07. 7:40am
In the next segment we heard the day (April 1, 1992) that they had a woman call in and claim that she had been date raped by Gary. Howard was telling Gary that they had the woman calling in and it might be interesting. He had her number so he gave her a call. He asked her how long ago this was. She told him that it was about 5 years ago and she and Gary had gone out together. She said that she is considered good looking from what she's been told. Howard asked her some questions about her measurements and cup size but she wasn't sharing that information.
The woman said that she met Gary and she knows that it was the real Gary. She had seen him on the TV show so she knew who she was out with. Gary was afraid that she was fooled by someone else, an impersonator perhaps. Howard had the woman continue her story even though Gary was suspicious of it. He said that he didn't remember ever going to a Houlihan's in Manhattan but that didn't mean it didn't happen.
Howard had the woman continue her story. She said it was a hot night and she had invited him home to her parent's pool where they went for a dip. She said she told him where the shower was and he got kind of carried away. She said that Gary did her out by the pool and she would call it date rape. She said back then it wouldn't have been called Date Rape though. Gary said that never happened and she should be embarrassed by her lies.
Howard wanted to know the details of the date rape so she told Howard that they had been drinking that night. She thinks that Gary had a little too much though. Gary said he's very embarrassed by this and he knows that it never happened. She said that Gary got very rough with her and pinned her down. Gary said he would never do that and he doesn't even know who this woman is.
Gary wanted to check the validity of the story but Howard didn't have a way of doing that. Gary said she had no way of proving that he even knew him. She said she wasn't going to call but now that she knows he's engaged, she felt she had to call. The woman said that she drove Gary home but he wanted to know where that was. She said they never made it there. Then she said that there was no apology from Gary and then he knew where she lived so she was kind of frightened of that.
Howard said he didn't know what to feel about him after hearing this story. He then asked him what day it was and Gary realized it was an April Fools joke. Howard said he was sweating bullets during that whole thing. Howard told Carol on the phone that she had done a great job. She had come in one other time when she pretended to rape Howard under his console. That was another April Fools Day prank that they pulled. Howard thanked Carol for the help with these ''Rapril Fools'' pranks they've pulled. He let her go a short time later.
Howard didn't think that the pool part was believable. Fred had pulled that story from Penthouse Forums so that's why Gary didn't fall for it. Fred thought that he was falling for it though. Gary said he knew it was a fake story well before that though.
Howard had a guy on the phone who claims that he used to claim he was Gary from the Howard Stern Show and he got laid because of it. He said it worked very well before the TV show started. He no longer does it. He said it worked the first time and he was flipping out after that. He said he used to go to this club on Long Island where he'd meet chicks and fool them into thinking that he was Gary. He said he'd ask the women if they recognized him and then he'd let them know he was Gary from the Howard Stern Show. They'd always fall for it. Then he'd bang them. Robin wondered if the chicks were good looking. The guy claims that the chicks were hot too. Howard wasn't so sure about that but the guy said they really were. He said he really works with computers and he would never go out with the girls a second time.
The guy said one girl caught him and wasn't so happy that he'd done what he'd done. She was disgusted with him although she did sleep with him one more time before the called it off. He said that she was very loose so that's how he got her the second time. Howard told the guy that he had committed some crimes by doing that stuff. The guy said he had some crazy sex with the chicks. He said he'd never call the chicks back either. He said he did it three times and only saw one of the girls more than one time.
The guy said that he doesn't do it anymore because he's afraid of getting caught. The guy said he doesn't even look like Gary, he doesn't have those ''African features'' that Gary has. Jackie started laughing his ass off when he heard that. Howard said Gary does have some African features and goofed on him about that. Howard let that guy go a short time later.
Howard And Gilbert Goof On Abe Hirschfeld. 2/5/03. 9:15am
Back in August of 2001 Abe Hirschfeld called in to talk to Howard about being in jail. Gilbert Gottfried was in then and ended up goofing on Abe's accent and had him repeating stuff that they pretended not to hear. Well, they did the same thing today. Howard got Hirschfeld on the phone and asked him a couple of quick questions about going to prison for a while. Howard said he was going to try and kill his partner or something like that. He asked Abe if he killed him and Abe said that the guy died before he could kill him. Hirschfeld claims that he never intended to kill the guy. Howard asked him how old he was and found out he's 84. Abe said he has a diet that will allow people to eat whatever they want and not gain any weight. Howard introduced Gilbert and told him he was going to sing a blessing before they spoke anymore. Gilbert then went into one of his Jewish songs that seemed to never end. Abe said the way he sang it made it sound like Hip-Hop. Howard got back to Abe and asked him some questions about the money he's worth. He went through some of the stuff he's been working on and asked him why he doesn't rest. Abe said he likes to do good things for the public. Gilbert interrupted him and started doing an impression of Abe as he would sound if he was Dracula.
Abe started to talk about some of the problems we have in this world. He said he wants to stop the many divorces we have. He said he's been married 60 years now. He said he was going to tell people how to have a good marriage. He went on to tell a joke that didn't make much sense. It was about a 10 year old boy asking his mother how old she is and how much she weighs. She tells him that it's not polite to ask stuff like that. He also asks the mother why she's divorced. She won't tell him so he finds her license and it says she's 35 years old, weighs 120 pounds and it says she got an ''F'' for Sex, that's why she got the divorce. Howard and Gilbert then proceeded to have Abe repeat that joke over and over and over again. They kept telling him they missed part of the joke or they just didn't get it. Abe would tell it over and over again while Howard, Artie and Gilbert laughed hysterically. Howard had the microphones down so Abe couldn't hear them. Howard asked Abe what the whole joke meant because he didn't really get it. He finally asked about it after Abe told the joke about 5 times. Gilbert told Abe that he didn't hear all of the joke so he asked him to tell it once again. Howard said he couldn't take it anymore. Howard said he'd love to meet this guy. He used to hang out with President Kennedy and now he's getting dicked around by Gilbert. Gilbert had him repeat the joke again when he said they wanted to record it. Howard and the guys continued to laugh as he told the joke for the tenth time. Howard said he wasn't even sure what Hirschfeld was calling in for.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she hasn't laughed that hard in a long time. Abe started to tell another story about ''Babahah Walters'' so Gilbert picked up on that and goofed on him some more. He started to tell another joke about Barbara Walters and President Clinton so they had him repeating that over and over again before he even finished it. Abe told Howard that he composed these jokes while he was in prison for 2 years. Howard and Gilbert continued to goof on the poor guy for a few minutes. Abe never did get around to plugging what he wanted to talk about. Gilbert asked him to tell his 10 year old boy joke again so Abe said he was going to start charging for it. He went ahead and told it again though. Howard told Mr. Hirschfeld that he would talk to him about the diet and his plans for the World Trade Center at a future date. Hirschfeld said he had to plug something and started talking about the divorce thing again. Gilbert kept goofing on his accent though. Abe told one last joke as Howard was trying to wrap up the call and it just wasn't working. Howard finally got him off the phone. Gilbert goofed on him a little bit more before Howard took his break. Gilbert hung around for Robin's news.
In the clip Howard introduced this ''I Shred Lucy'' bit they had created. In the bit Lucy wanted to go with Ricky to meet Charles Boyer. Lucy ends up meeting him and then Ricky and Fred throw her into a shredder but it turns out they threw the wrong person into the shredder and killed Charles Boyer.
William Shatner enters ''The Homo Room.'' 4-2-96. William Shatner(Captain Kirk on Star Trek) came in and had a very bizarre appearance. Today Howard decided to have Mr. Shatner enter a room that not many celebrities have entered...''The Homo Room'' The Homo Room is a place for the guys on the show to go and show their feminine side. Howard goes in to a gay voice and does all kinds of gay stuff. Howard became ''Stacy'', William Shatner became ''Jill'', Fred became ''Frederique'', Gary became ''Betsy'' and Jackie became ''Jessie''. Robin isn't aloud in the Homo Room because she's female. While in the room they did things like ''hide the frog(in the butt)'' and they typed with their genitals. Howard sang a couple of gay songs while Shatner tried to plug his Star Trek books, Star Trek The Return, Man O' War and Star Trek The Ashes of Eden. Shatner was playing along with the bit for quite some time. I was amazed how long he held out! I guess he'd do anything to plug his stuff on the show. After coming out of the homo room Howard whispered to Shatner, ''Bill ...you forgot to pull up your pants...'' When Howard went to commercial Shatner ran out and hugged Robin as if that would make him a man once again.
Courtney Love Calls Back. 03/22/04. 8:10am
Artie and Howard did a bit goofing on Courtney after she was off the line. They had this circus music playing in the background and they just blurted out various subjects that she was talking about during the call. Gary came in a short time later and told Howard that he's not sure she'll make it down there. He was trying to give the concierge the address but Courtney could be heard in the background saying that she would only make it there if they billed the limo to Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard took another break after that.
Courtney Love Comes In. 03/22/04. 9:55am
Courtney tried to explain what she was talking about but it still didn't make any sense to Howard. Fred played the music he played earlier in the show while Artie sang about all of the stuff that Courtney was talking about during the interview. Howard broke to commercial in the middle of one of Courtney's rants.
More With Courtney Love. 03/22/04. 10:30am
Courtney said that she hopes that the FCC eventually leaves him alone. Howard said they will never leave him alone. She continued to talk so Howard had Artie do his song where he sings about all of the subjects that Courtney was talking about. It really was amazing how much stuff she talked about while she was there. Courtney liked what he was doing and got in on it and added some more stuff to the song. Courtney said that Howard had just introduced her to her soul mate (Artie). She went over to him and asked him to keep going. They were doing a duet with the rambling song. Howard let them keep going as he wrapped up the show. She was back by Artie in his area and she was apparently grinding him. It was insane but Howard had to end it because it was already 11 o'clock.
Madonna's Sister Paula Replay. 07/03/07. 11:00am
In the next clip they played another old segment (from May 19, 1994) that wasn't in my archives. This one was Howard talking to a woman who claims to be Madonna's sister Paula Ciccone. Howard talks to her for a few minutes and the woman seems to believe that she's really her sister. Howard said he had to meet her after hearing her talk for a couple of minutes.
Paula claimed she could sing exactly like Madonna so Howard asked her to sing for him. She never did because she was so busy rambling on and on about nothing. Howard tried to hang up on her but she kept talking and wouldn't get off the line. Howard said he'd talk to her the next day but she kept going. He eventually just put her on hold as she was talking. Fred threw in the Twilight Zone theme after he put her on hold. Howard then goofed on her for a short time.
Gary said that he had some people look into her and said that he heard that she really was her sister. Howard said he wanted to find out for sure so he asked Gary to look into it a little further. He got Paula back on the line and talked to her a little longer. Paula continued to ramble on and on for a few minutes before Howard put her on hold again.
Gary came in and told Howard that he got in touch with Madonna's publicist who told him that this woman is not her sister and there has been someone going around impersonating Madonna's sister. Gary said he thought that since it was in the news, she really was her sister. Howard said it's a good thing Robin was there because she told him to have Gary look into it. Howard told Gary to mark the date because this is the day he was duped by Madonna's sister. Stuttering John said that there were people calling in saying they were Kurt Cobain. Gary thought that he had done everything he could have to make sure this was legitimate.
Robin and Jackie were laughing their asses off at the whole situation. They were goofing on Gary about what he had done and couldn't stop laughing.
In this clip Howard introduced the bit and explained the characters and what it was all about. He then played the ''I Shot Lucy Jo'' bit starring Lucy Jo and ''Ricky Buttacardo.'' They had Lucy Jo meeting her husband's mistress Amy.
Gary Busey Visits. 07/23/1998. 8:00am
Howard came back from break and talked about his ratings up in Boston. They're doing very well up there according to the article that Robin gave to him. He said that they were put on in Providence recently and they already got Manqueer out of there. That led to them talking a little bit about some other radio guys like Rick Dees.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who brought up Gary Busey and spent a short time talking about him. Howard spent a short time on that subject and then the caller brought up Kathie Lee but his ideas didn't go over very well so Howard hung up on him.
Howard had the guys bring in Gary Busey. He said he had a lot of stories to tell about him. Gary came in a short time later and shook Howard's hand so hard he thought it was going to break. Gary was on mic and yelling. Howard said they're going to have a special on E! about Gary's life. Howard wondered if this was the Born Again Gary that he was talking to. Gary said he wasn't really born again but after he overdosed he went to rehab and decided to turn his life back over to God. Howard said he heard he was at Scores last night but Gary wondered who told that story. Howard decided to move on instead of staying on that subject.
Gary asked Howard why they call New York City the Big Apple. Howard said it's because there are a lot of fruits living there. He went through the history of Gary's life and how he ended up getting into a motorcycle accident. Gary said he crashed the motorcycle and hit his head on a curb. He wasn't wearing a helmet at the time and eventually came out and said that he didn't think people should have to wear them. He said he was kind of manipulated by some people and he's really for people wearing them.
Gary told Howard that he still has problems with short term memory and forgets where he puts his keys and stuff sometimes. Howard asked him if he knew his name. Gary thought for a second and said he knew it was Howard Stern. Gary ended up telling Howard about how he had an out of body experience after his crash. it wasn't his first one though. Howard wanted to hold off on that for a few minutes. He asked Gary about the helmet thing and went through that story again.
Howard asked Gary if it was true that he had slept with Kinison's wife. Gary said he didn't know where he got his stupid information but that was wrong. Gary said something about Howard liking to put salt on his ass and going to petting zoos. Howard didn't have any idea what he was talking about.
Howard and Gary talked about the first time they met back when Howard was doing his Channel 9 show. They did a bit called the ''Head Injury Club for Men.'' Howard told the details of that story and how they came up with the whole idea. Gary came in and had no idea what he was in for. He was the biggest guest that they'd ever had on that show. Howard said they actually flew him in and they never did that before. He explained how he had green apple sauce pouring out of his head injury and they ended up getting into a food fight during the shoot.
Howard asked Gary if he had some good times when he was doing coke and stuff. Gary said he was smart for about 20 minutes while on that stuff. Howard asked Gary if he used to go to Heidi Fleiss. Gary said that never happened. Howard asked him about hanging out with Charlie Sheen. Gary said he didn't do that much with him either. Howard asked him how much coke he was doing when he was at his partying best. Gary joked it was 15 pounds but said his scale was from Australia.
Gary talked about how he got into the Buddy Holly story movie and how that all worked out great. Howard got on the subject of the Born Again stuff. Gary became a Born Again Promise Keeper. They went through that stuff and also talked about the upcoming E! special about Gary's life.
Gary (Baba Booey) came in and wanted to bring something up. Gary Busey ended up chasing after him. Then he got on the drums that were in the studio and started playing those. Howard said the guy is shot out of a cannon this morning. Busey came back a short time later and calmed down a little bit. Howard talked to him about some cancer he had in his nose. Gary said it was a very rare cancer and he claims that he was born with it. He said that he had a nose bleed last year and it wouldn't stop so he went and had it checked out. They found a tumor the size of a golf ball. Luckily they caught it in time and got it out of there. Gary said he went through 7 hours of surgery where they lifted up his lip and nose to get to the tumor.
Busey was telling a story about how he had heard a voice when he was under during surgery. Then Baba Booey tried to say some stuff over his microphone but Busey was making noise to block him so no one could hear him. Howard got back to Gary's stories and went through some of the stuff he's gone through.
Gary talked about some of the projects he's been involved with lately and then Howard gave him a plug for the E! True Hollywood Story about his life. Howard also asked him to admit that he had been at Scores last night. Gary wouldn't do that but Chaunce Hayden called in and said that he's lying and he really was there last night. Gary said he wasn't there. Chaunce got the hint and said he gets it, wink wink, he wasn't there. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Gary Busey Comes And Goes. 07/23/1998. 8:40am
Howard came back after the break and mentioned they had Brian Wilson coming in tomorrow. He said that Gary Busey was way out there this morning. He talked about how great the Buddy Holly movie was with Gary Busey. He mentioned he wanted to go see the Mark of Zorro movie too. He said they might be able to go see a preview of that movie.
Howard said Gary Busey made a move like he was going to come over and kick his ass after his appearance. Gary came in a short time later and said he wasn't able to get away from there. He picked up his interview from where they left off earlier. Gary was talking about going out and shooting some pigeons and cooking them up in his hotel room.
Howard told Gary that maybe they can hang out sometime. Busey said that he doesn't want to be lynched. Busey was rambling a bit about some nonsense and Howard said he really doesn't think he could hang with him because they're so different. Busey stuck around for a few minutes and talked to Howard a little bit. Busey headed over toward Howard and scared him a little bit. Howard then noticed that he has his nails manicured. Gary said they're just covered in some juice from a squid. He asked Howard to smell his hands so Howard said it smelled like he was at Scores last night.
Howard had a guy on the phone who claimed that Gary was out at a bar with him. He didn't want to take the call while Gary was in the studio though. Gary left but came right back in a minute later. Howard had him showing Robin his shiny nails. They talked about Gary getting into fights and stuff and Gary said he had broken some sternums with his helmet a few times. He wanted to demonstrate on Howard but Howard asked him to back off.
Howard was inviting Gary to go with them to Scores on Friday but Gary said he didn't have time to do that. Howard figured he was giving him the old ''wink, wink'' thing and he would be there on Friday. Gary didn't know what the ''wink, wink'' thing was and told him to lay off the Scores stuff.
Howard kept talking about Busey so he kept leaving and coming back into the studio. Busey heard Howard say something else about him having a lot of energy so he came right back in the studio but only for a short time. Howard said he has to put Gary in a movie but he'd probably never get any work done.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Gary Busey came into a bar he was working at years ago and used to drink quite a bit. Busey returned to the studio and said that was a couple of years ago and he's out of that now. Howard had Robin start her news after that. They had to go to break a short time later.
The Booey Best special was over around 11:25am.
Howard and the guys were back live from their Labor Day weekend this morning. Howard started the show talking about how it was the official end of summer. He said they had some horrible news about Robert Schimmel's death over the weekend. He said he spoke to his daughter Jessica, not the one in the car accident, and Bob was still alive but not doing well. He said he got the news over the weekend. He said he was shocked when he read the obituary about Bob and how he had the credits that he was best known for being on the Howard Stern Show. He said he didn't know that the media would pick up on that. He said he never thought about that. He said it shows how popular he was on the show.
Howard said he doesn't remember how Bob got booked on the show the first time. He asked Gary when that was. Gary said that they had heard from a lot of people that he was a really funny guy but he wasn't all that well known. He said they knew about the son that died from cancer. Howard said that's right. He had some dark humor about his very young son who died. He said bob did a whole routine about the Make a Wish foundation and it was really dark. Howard said it was a great bit and it was about how Bob wondered why he wasn't part of the Make a Wish thing and why they didn't bring him to meet Dolly Parton.
Howard said Bob would be on the show and he was so terrific. He said that it was so great that they got a call from Paramount or UPN or something around the time he was talking about picking up his daughter's best friend. They wanted to create a TV show around Bob's life. Howard said the story was crazy and his wife was in the next room while he was trying to pick up this young woman.
Howard said Bob got the call from UPN and they asked him to produce the sitcom. Howard said Bob wrote him some thank-yous to him on his album and things like that. He read that note from Bob where he thanked him for breaking all of the rules and keeping comedy alive. Howard said he was very moved by that. He said he really loved Bob and his work.
Howard said Bob called him up once and talked to him about this pilot he shot for FOX. He said he was really good as the lead guy because he was so relaxed in front of the camera. Bob was always getting ill though so it was like he had a black cloud over him. He was in the military and he got Hepatitis C and that caused a bunch of problems. The last time he was on the show he had cirrhosis of the liver and he had a big belly when he came in. Robin said she wondered what was going on that day because it was warm out and he had a big coat on covering that belly up.
Howard said Bob just had no luck at all with his health. Robin said he didn't have any luck with his personal life either. Howard said it was always hysterical when he'd sit in and talk about his life. Howard said he didn't know him all that well, personally, but when he told the stories about meeting his daughter's friend there were TV executives listening and they thought it would make a great sitcom. He said they wanted him to produce the show so he had a production company at the time and he was going to do it. He said he hated producing TV though and he figured that out after the Schimmel thing.
Howard said he had a clear vision of what Bob's show should be and so did Bob. Howard said the opening to the show was going to be Bob hitting on this young woman while his wife was in the other room. It was like his real life. Howard said they hired a writer to work on the show and then it was too many cooks in the kitchen. Howard said they were told to go for it and make it crazy. He said it got watered down and it was very frustrating.
Howard said they had a bunch of people working on the show and they were on the phone like every day. They had a lot of work and it should have been a joyous process. It became very difficult to do the show. He said they both wanted it really badly though. Howard said Bob wanted to get off the road and make some dough from a TV show. He said he really can't believe the guy is gone now.
Howard said the last time Bob was on was in January. He said he needed a liver and he was living with his parents again. His young wife was leaving him and he really felt bad hearing this stuff. Howard said he felt like it was the last time he was going to see Bob back then. He said he talked to Beth about that this weekend. Howard said over the last few months he was thinking about giving Bob a call. He felt bad that he was living at home with his parents and all of this. He said Bob created his own nightmare but he was in bad shape. Howard said he used to go out on the road and make a load of money. He said he was a tremendous wit.
Howard said Bob was in New York years ago and he had married this new wife and he seemed really happy at the time. He had this new wife and his career was still going well. Howard said he thought his mom was still alive but it turns out she passed away. They talked about how his mom had a movie deal with Steven Spielberg when he had the TV show deal. He said that was Bob's luck. He had this deal and his mom beat him out in the headlines in the paper.
Howard said it's so unfortunate that Bob's other daughter was driving. He read that there was a car accident ahead of them and she swerved to miss it and the car nicked it and they spun around. He said that Bob got injured and his daughter was hurt but not critically. Bob ended up passing away from that accident and he was really depressed the whole weekend about this whole thing. Robin said he was always trying and she figured that he'd work through this whole liver thing. Howard said he had a bad feeling it was the last time they were going to see him in January. Howard said it was a whole saga with him.
Howard said his regret is that he never picked up the phone to see how Bob was doing. He said he didn't call the guy a lot but he feels like Bob is going to make a request of him or something so he doesn't make calls like that. He has to really work on that. Howard said he just can't say no so he ends up putting off the phone calls like that. Howard said he thinks Bob knows what a fan he was. He just feels bad the guy is gone. He said he was a tremendous talent and he wishes his family peace over this whole thing.
Howard said he's not sure when the funeral is but he's pretty sure he's already in the ground since he's a Jew. Howard said he was an incredible talent.
Howard played a clip of Schimmel telling a story about cream that they make for making your dick bigger. He wondered why your hands wouldn't get bigger too. He was asking how blind people know when they're done wiping their ass and things like that too. They had taken a bunch of Schimmel's one liners and put them in this montage that was full of laughs.
Howard said Bob made so many great appearances on the show. They're going to do an hour of his stuff tonight on Howard 101. He said he thinks it's tonight at 7pm. Howard said that should be happening tonight and they should be able to play through a lot of his routines. He said they'll talk to some of the people who loved Bob too. He thinks that he would have loved that.
Tim Sabean said that they will be playing that tonight at 7pm on Howard 101. Howard said that's why satellite radio is so great. He said they can do stuff like that on radio. He said he can't just play a few seconds of Bob's material. He said they could fill a couple of hours with his stuff. He was amazing with the way he would come up with his routines.
Howard played some more of Bob's comedy and got some more laughs out of that. Schimmel was joking about what they tell you to do when you're attacked by a shark and things like that. Howard said that it's a real talent to be able to tell the jokes the way he was doing them. He said that's the amazing ability that he had. Howard said Schimmel had an incredible ability.
Howard said he remembers Bob walking out of the studio in January. He said he called Bob back into the studio and he asked him if he was going to be okay. Bob said he was going to be fine. Howard said it's so ironic that he was killed by a car accident and not by his health issues. Robin said that it may have been better to go that way than with the liver thing.
Howard said he thanked Bob for coming in that day in January. He was wearing that big, heavy coat and his belly was sticking out. He said he just went through one devastating thing after another. Robin said he was still able to come in and be funny. She said he always had that spirit.
Howard said they worked on that Sitcom together and Bob could drive you crazy with the details. He had to switch off with Jeremiah Bosgang over that. They had to take turns with Bob. He said his manager, Lee Kernis, would take all of Bob's calls and he really believed in him. He said he was fiercely defensive about Bob. He never said a bad word about him. Howard said Lee is a really good guy and he bets that he's devastated.
Howard said he thinks that Lee worked for one of those big agencies like Brillstein Grey. Robin said that was the one.
Howard said they're going to miss Bob and seeing him walk through those doors. He said no one will ever be like Bob. Howard said this is like when Sam Kinison died. He said Sam was killed in a car accident too. Howard said Bob went through so much and it's so hard to believe that it was a car accident that killed him too. Howard said they love Bob and they're really going to miss him. He said he feels really bad about not calling him since January. He said that's just what he does. He said he shuts down and doesn't make the call.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Bob's mom did die a couple of months ago. She said that he died on Friday and he may have died on Victoria's birthday. She was a match for the liver transplant and Bob would never ask her to help. She said that everyone was posting on Facebook about how great he was on the show. She said she was very sad about it too.
Howard said he thinks that Bob shined on the show because they let him play out his material. He needed time to get his stories out. Robin said that she would watch him when he came in and she knew when he had a story he wanted to get out.
Howard said Bob was very open about his jealousy of his second wife and how he thought she was cheating on him. He just let his ego stuff fall away when he'd talk about that. That's why he would have been great doing a sitcom. Robin said that HBO should have stepped up and taken a shot with that.
Howard said they're going to be doing this one hour special tonight about Bob Schimmel. He took a call from a guy who said that Schimmel was a great dude and he got to work with him a few years ago. He said he didn't even have to be nice to an opening act but he was. Howard said he was reading about how nice he was and people were talking about how great the guy was.
Howard went through some of the letters he got. One was from David Brenner. Brenner said that there is no way to rectify this whole thing. He said that it's not fair and it doesn't make sense. Brenner said he wrote Bob a letter telling him he hopes he would be okay and the next day he wrote his goodbye to him. Howard said he heard that things were worse than they were letting on. He said they had to make decisions for Bob toward the end there.
Howard said Gary told him about how he did a pre-interview with Bob one of the first times he was on the show. He said that Gary had a paper and pen in front of him to take notes. Then Bob tells him all of these stories about his family life and his son that died and how he went AWOL in the Army and things like that. Gary was scribbling like a lunatic and he ran out of paper writing this stuff down. He said it was almost 50 minutes of writing. that's how Bob got booked to do the show. This was all before the cancer and all of that other stuff that happened. Howard said Bob was loved even though he was getting chemo and picked up his daughter's friend. He was only 60 years old.
Gary said there was stuff they didn't know. He told a story about how Schimmel had booked this guy to do a show with him but the club owner didn't want to do it so Bob told him to just take the money out of his pay if he was no good. The guy went on to kill.
Ralph Cirella called in and asked Howard about not calling Schimmel and if that makes him feel differently about things. Howard said he feels bad about not calling Bob and he tends to see people like a burden. He said he thinks about picking up the phone to call but he'll just think that they're going to ask for something from him and he'll talk himself out of picking up the phone. Howard said he's just not good about that. Ralph said that someone died and now he's having that thought. Howard said he has had many conversation with Bob and they weren't easy because they were working on something. He said he had to be diplomatic with Bob at times and it was difficult.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she was upset about Bob dying. She asked who is going to be narrating the special tonight. Howard wasn't sure about that. He said it was the news team that put it together and they're working with the tapes team who put together the specials they run there. He said that they've been working on it the whole weekend. The caller mentioned the SNL cartoons that Bob Smigel used to do and confused him with Schimmel. Howard said he thinks that she'll be satisfied with the special they run tonight.
Gary told Howard that they're going to have some people on the special. They have Jeff Schimmel, Lee Kernis and a bunch of other people like Greg Fitzsimmons. Greg just signed a deal to do a reality show where he was going to be out looking for his liver. Howard said he didn't know that Greg was close with Schimmel.
Howard read through some more mail about Bob. Fans were writing in to tell their stories about meeting Bob. They were offering their deepest sympathies. Howard said it was sad. He said he was a great friend of the show and a great man.
A caller said that he feels like he has lost a friend. He said that they're like a family there and he feels like he's lost one of his family. He said that's a testament to Howard and the show. Howard said the guy was very entertaining on the show. He said he entertained him too. He said the guy was something else. The caller agreed and said he was a great guy.
Howard said Bob had a great speaking voice too. He didn't have to yell or scream. He said it was very soothing and he would just whip through his whole act. The caller said he's sad that he never got to see him live.
Howard said he was in touch with Bob's daughter Jessica and they had a great relationship. He said he's never seen a relationship like that.
Howard said he was having a hard time comprehending that they weren't going to see him on the show anymore. He said he was getting this whole thing in his head about how you don't go to this imaginary place in the sky but then he was thinking that maybe Bob is getting to see his son somewhere. Robin said the son was 11 years old when he died. He got Cancer when he was 5. Howard said he was having thoughts about him being reunited with his mom and son somewhere. He said he hopes that's what happens but he's not sure.
Howard said he had to back off of Bob when the whole sitcom deal was going down. He said he wishes they could have captured his life in that sitcom. He said it's so hard to believe he's gone. Howard said he would talk to his agent about the sitcom and his agent would ask who was handling Bob that night. He said it was all about Bob but it was for a good cause. They were trying to make a great TV show. He said they did this pilot for FOX and Bob was really good on it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Schimmel and Kinison had entertaining lifestyles. He said you never knew what was going to happen next. He said what makes Schimmel interesting is that he took some horrible situations in his life and made them humorous.
Howard said that his life is so controlled that he can't be like that. He said that Robin went to Germany this weekend and he can't even imagine doing that. He said he's like the opposite of that and of Kinison and Schimmel. He couldn't live his life like that. Robin said they're like falling down the rabbit hole and everything in their lives was a surprise.
Howard said that Kinison was really wild and he would be out doing all kinds of crazy stuff. He said he'd be doing all of that but then he wouldn't be allowed to go out and get a tattoo because his mom wouldn't like it. He said it was wild stuff.
The caller asked if Bob really wanted mainstream success. Howard said he thinks he absolutely did. Howard said they hired a great writer for the sitcom and he would say to them that they had to tone it down. Howard didn't want to tone it down though. He said they had to go edgy with Bob. Howard said the writer said they'd never get it on the air if that was the case.
Howard took a call from Craig Gass. Craig said it was actually Sam Kinison and did his impression of Sam. Howard said he screwed that up not saying it was Sam. Sam said he was bumming them out down in Hell. He said that Bob was down there with them. He said that he has to do something in hell on the first day. He told him that he had to write a foreword for a book he doesn't give a fuck about. Howard thanked Sam for the call. Robin said the cell service down there is really bad. Howard said it really was and you'd think if you were going to call from hell that you'd call in on a hard line. Howard said that's his own hell.
Howard took a call from a guy who talked about how great Bob was on the show. King of All Blacks also called in and asked how Howard thinks he's going to go. King said he thinks about that all the time. He said he thinks he'll die of diabetes or something like that. Howard said for most of his life he has thought that he'll die in a car accident. He said that's haunted him his whole life. Howard said he has always thought that but it's a silly question to ask. He said no one knows how they're going to die.
Howard said he wouldn't have bet that Schimmel or Kinison were going to die in car accidents. Robin said you can never call that stuff. She said she had a friend who was into drugs but he ended up dying from the flu or something like that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said he can't beat himself up about this stuff. Howard said he really feels bad about it. The caller said that she had a friend who died of cancer and the last couple of months she'd ask if she was afraid to die. The friend would tell her that she could be hit by a bus tomorrow. She said that's the way life is. Howard said he hasn't really beaten himself up about this but he and Bob would go out to dinner and that was huge for him. He said he doesn't do that with just anyone. He was very fond of Bob though. Howard said Bob was in bad shape in January and he had the bad feeling that it was the last time he was going to see him. He was right. Howard said he just has some regrets about not calling Bob. He said he's not going to beat himself up about it too much.
Another caller said he thanks Howard for introducing him to Bob on his show. He said he really appreciates that. He said he just wanted to say thank you to Howard for introducing them to Bob. Howard said he had to do a commercial break after that. He played some more of Bob's material as they were going to break. Howard told Bob to rest in peace before playing the clips of Bob doing his routine on dental records and how they know who your dentist is if they can't identify the person. There were other bits that Bob did in that montage as well. There was one line about a mother and daughter walking down the beach and the daughter asks why they have douche. Bob says that she should ask the pelicans that are following her down the beach. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about what a great song that Black Hole Sun was. Howard took a call from Hanzi who said that he wanted to make it known that he's a piece of shit with or without the show. He said Gary over exaggerated the email he sent in. Howard said he had no idea what he was talking about. Hanzi said last week Gary was saying that he emailed him and called him and asshole for nominating himself for the red carpet and said that he was one of the guys who wanted to do it. Howard asked him what the problem is. Howard said no one even knows who he is or what his problem is.
Hanzi said he was talking about what happened last week. Howard asked how he can help. Hanzi said they're talking about how when the show ends they're going to talk about how pathetic his life is going to be. Howard said he didn't say that. Hanzi said his life is already pathetic. Howard asked if he's okay. Hanzi said he's really not. Hanzi asked if he really gives a shit or does he really want good radio. Howard said he just wants good radio and doesn't give a shit about anything.
Howard said he's not sure if he can help Hanzi this morning. Hanzi said they say that he's a wack packer. Howard cut him off and asked if he wanted to be one. Hanzi said he does but he doesn't get to do anything for the show. He said he doesn't get free shit. Howard said he's all over the place this morning. He must have had a bad weekend. Hanzi said that this is just the on the air thing that they do with him. Howard said he does a radio show, please forgive him.
Hanzi said that he might not want to listen anymore. He said that he needs to listen to some other show like a Ryan Seacrest show or something like that. He should go back to regular radio. He said this is just too much for him. Hanzi said it's not too much. Howard said he's irritated by the show so he should stop listening. Hanzi was stuttering and barely able to get a word out. Robin asked what's going on with him. She wondered if he's off his meds. He said he's not. Hanzi said he has some personal shit going on. Howard said they all have personal shit.
Fred played some clips of Hanzi freaking out and Hanzi just said ''whatever...'' Hanzi sounded like he was crying. He said if they don't want him on the show anymore than whatever. Howard said he never said that. He just feels he's irritated by the show. Hanzi said he's never even considered for contests and stuff. Howard said if that's what it's all about then they'll consider him. Howard said the red carpet isn't for him though. He would have a break down on the red carpet. Howard said he's too volatile for the red carpet. Hanzi said he just woke up so that's why he's in that mood.
Hanzi was involved with a contest on the show but he didn't win. Hanzi was upset that they didn't tell him what the contest was about too. He said that Will is a piece of shit and so is Gary. Howard said they're just a radio show. They don't know how to handle him. They don't know his life. Hanzi said they do too. He said they just play dumb on the air all the time. Gary said he thinks that they know everything about his life. Hanzi said they do know a lot of stuff that they don't lead on about.
Howard said he loves Hanzi. He said he's radio gold. Hanzi said that they keep saying that he's going to kill Howard one day. He said he knows that he has his staff in the back room writing stuff about him. Howard said that's just not the case. Robin said poor Hanzi... they have a problem there.
Gary said that Hanzi will calm down and apologize for this later. He said he just loses control. Hanzi told him to shut the fuck up. Gary said he knows what will happen and he will give them an apology in like 48 hours. Howard asked what his diagnosis is. Hanzi didn't say.
Howard said that he sounds paranoid. Hanzi said he guarantees that they do background checks on the show. Gary said they don't even do them on people they hire. Howard said he thought Artie was a whole different guy. He should have done a background check on him.
Howard asked Gary to bring him the dossier about Hanzi that they've been collecting for the past few years. He said that they have to get all of the phone calls and stuff about Hanzi. Howard was just kidding but Hanzi said he's sure he's not.
Howard asked Gary if they still have the guy with the telescope looking into his house. Hanzi said he's sure they do have that going on. Gary said Hanzi once called saying he had a guy who was in his house spying on him. He ended up writing a letter to him apologizing for that saying he was out of his mind.
Howard said this doesn't seem to be healthy for Hanzi. He needs to go get some help and get it today. He said that he knows Schimmel's death has affected him but this is going a little far. Hanzi sounded like he was crying. Howard asked if he was crying. Hanzi hung up.
Howard wondered what's going on with this guy. He said he needs some serious help. Howard said he sounds distraught and he gets angry when you ask him any question. Howard said he's not sure what to tell the guy. He likes the guy a lot.
Howard said he was thinking about Bob's last appearance. He had some audio of Bob telling him about his liver problems and how he needs a liver transplant. Bob was telling Howard that's why he wore the big coat that day. Schimmel told Howard that you can't do it by yourself and his wife, Melissa, left him to deal with it alone. Schimmel also told Howard about the Hepatitis C he got in the service and how he's had liver disease for a while now and the cancer thing didn't help. You can read about his last appearance here.
Howard said that Bob was told not to tell anyone about being sick because he may never work again. He said that Bob felt good after getting it off his chest and he got a ton of support after that. Howard said he didn't mean to make the whole show about Bob but the guy was a great guy.
He said he was a great guest and he would tell stories that were just wild. Howard said Bob came in and told them about his new, young, wife and how he thought she was screwing his neighbor. Howard said Bob was willing to say anything on the show.
Howard played another clip of Bob telling them about how he'd take a bullet for Melissa but he thinks that she fell for his neighbor. Bob told Howard that his 18 year old daughter had called him and told him that Melissa was in the bedroom with their neighbor with the door closed. Schimmel said he never thought that he could ever do something like that to her so he never thought she would do it to him. He told Howard about his wife texting the neighbor like 50 times a day. He told Howard about how he went to the phone bill to look at what was going on and it was like 50 texts a day between his wife and the neighbor. He was in shock over that whole situation.
Howard said Bob was willing to talk about anything and he was very open about it all. He said he spoke to them like they were close friends when they were on the air. Robin said that there were many times that he left and he was going back out into the mess he had just described. He said it was very compelling. He didn't mean to get back on Bob but it was hard to believe he was gone.
Lisa said they have a story about Robin doing a blog for a magazine's web site. Howard said everyone was abuzz about her tweets over the weekend. She was tweeting about being over in Germany. Howard said someone was asking why she would go over there on a 3 day weekend. Howard said Robin was tweeting from Germany and she just can't sit still. Howard said he's worried about her like he's worried about Hanzi. Robin said that life can end at any time so she's just trying to fit it all in there.
Robin said that her plane actually did have a problem when they came home. She said that the plane had dropped the landing gear and they were about 100 feet off the ground when they had to climb again. She said that they got out of there really fast. She said the pilot said they had a tail wind or something that threw them off. She said they had to go up and come back down again.
Howard said Robin is running and carrying on about a lot of stuff. She's running in the marathon this year and he's not sure if she's preparing properly. He asked what's really going on. Robin said nothing is going on. She's just taking opportunities that she's offered. Howard said she should go down and relax at the shore. Robin said she was completely well rested when she got home. Howard said she sent out a tweet about running through the woods in Germany. He said she saw a ''German deer'' and people were asking why she can't just stay home and see New Jersey deer instead. Robin said it was a fascinating moment for her. She said she was out in a rural area of Germany and it was an opportunity that she took out there. She said she's still planning on running in the marathon. She said she's getting in plenty of mileage lately. Howard said he'll be watching her.
Robin told Howard that she was in Bavaria and she went to a Herb Fest over there. It was all about beer, not marijuana. She said she got into one of those German outfits too. She said that she hopes that the pictures were all destroyed though.
Robin said she will probably be running 6 miles today. Howard asked what her tweet meant about saying she wouldn't have seen the deer if she hadn't been out running. Robin said she was just thinking about how great it was that she was out in the open air and seeing things like this. She said she has been through a lot in her life and she's just glad that she was able to be jogging in Germany.
Robin said that she was over there with some people that she wasn't naming. She said that she saw Benjy when she got home and he was yelling out to her on the street from a rental van. Howard said today is the final day for Benjy's ban from the Wrap Up Show. He can return tomorrow.
Robin said the Benjy thing was very strange. She said she went to Germany with Brendon, he personal friend. Robin said he was playing basketball over there. She said she got to buy some vegetables there and she cooked while she was there. She said it was very relaxing and very quiet. She said she had some beer that had lemonade in it. Howard asked if it had sugar in it. Robin said she's fine with sugar. She said she wasn't going to drink straight beer either. Robin said maybe she'll wear her Dindle tomorrow to work.
Howard asked Lisa what else she had. Lisa said that Robin has been talking about what she's been up to lately and they have an interview with a woman about Robin's blog at More.com
Lisa said they have a story about Ass Napkin Ed who was recently thinking about suicide. He was going to take a bunch of pills but he fell asleep and didn't take them. He's now back on track and happy to be alive. Howard thanked her for the update and let her go.
Robin said the message from Ed is to just go to sleep if you're thinking about suicide. She said that you'll wake up feeling better the next day.
Howard said he has been getting email from fans saying that they will go wherever they go. Howard read through some of those emails. He had one from a fan who said he will cancel his subscription there if he leaves.
Howard said they should really change the name of the company to Howard Radio. He said that's the way he really feels. He said he wouldn't ask them to do that but that's the way they should be looking at the situation. He said he doesn't have a big ego about this but he does think that they have something very special there. He said they carry on about the NFL and things like that. Those things are not exclusive though. He said that his show is.
Howard said he's very well versed on the new technologies. He said that they are going to have SIM cards in cars soon and they will be able to listen to things over Bluetooth and people will be able to play their cell phones through their car radios and things like that. He said no one cares how they hear them, they just want to hear the show. He said they want the new shows and the repeats. Howard said he has a built in audience and they will follow him wherever he goes. They will pay to hear him wherever he goes. Howard said that's the bottom line.
Howard said there are some fans who have multiple accounts with SIRIUS. He said he's not angry with SIRIUS but if he's not needed there anymore then he can move on to something else. Howard said he is being treated like one of the music channels there. He said he's put down and insulted there. He said it might be time to leave. He said he is very good at telling people what he thinks. He said he's not shy about that. Howard said he knows the environment and he doesn't respond well to humiliation. He said he's done suffering in this business. He said he's done hearing about what a shit head he is. Howard said he can tell himself what a shit head he is. Howard said the one thing he has done right is doing right by his audience.
Howard read some more email about what the fans will do if he leaves SIRIUS. There are a lot of people who are ready to cancel if he leaves. Howard said there are people there who want to get him in line or teach him a lesson. He said he's not going to go through that anymore so he may have to leave.
Howard said he has ideas for how to improve things there and maybe some expansion. He said that he has to be treated the right way though. He said when he was first signed on he was treated very well. Now the romance is over. Howard said they haven't been treating him the way he thinks they should. Howard said he was wined and dined in the beginning. He said he was treated with such respect and it may have rubbed people the wrong way. He said they don't like to kiss his ass and familiarity breeds contempt. Howard said they stood in the halls and cheered him when he got there. He said they weren't dreaming of a merger when he got there. Howard said he did have that dream. Then the numbers started going up and XM wasn't able to get anything going. Howard said he wonders why that happened. He said it must have been NFL that did it. He thought it was him but it must have been the NFL.
Howard said he thought he had something to do with it but it must have been NFL. He said he can't just watch that on any TV station or hear it on any radio station. No, he has to listen to it on SIRIUS. Howard said he has concentrated on doing a great radio show and keeping an eye on Hanzi. He said that's what he's been doing the past 5 years.
Howard said he loves the shows they have there. He said he even loves the Riley show. He said he'd like to keep them going. He said he will keep people informed about whatever it is that he decides to do. He said they'll even buy commercials on SIRIUS if he is going to go somewhere else. Howard said he has had a great time working there and he will never stop thanking the audience for their support. He said it's really not easy to get people interested in the service. He said that his audience is the most loyal and they will stick together and travel to the promise land. He said they will be together no mater what.
Jeff Jarvis called in and told Howard that the internet needs him. Howard said the future is up for grabs right now. Jeff said that Howard was able to make satellite happen. He said that he is right about the SIM card thing. He said that they will be available everywhere eventually. He said no one is paying for content right now but if Howard moved there, they would. Howard said that there are ways to get to people and he's not sure that they need the infrastructure that they have now. Howard told Jeff he's right on about all of that stuff.
Jeff was also saying that Robin's outfit is a Durndle and not a Dindle. Robin said she was just going by what they told her. Jeff said he's having sexual fantasies about her now that she's mentioned that outfit. Howard let Jeff go a short time later.
Howard went on a rant about the Germans after that. He said he lost a lot of his family over there thanks to the German ''Showers.'' Howard said that Jeff mentioned the co-ed showers over in Germany and he must have forgotten about who he was talking to. Howard said he was worried sick about Robin the whole weekend. She was busy over there in her Durndle.
Howard read some more email about what the fans are planning to do if he leaves SIRIUS. Then Bobo called in and said that he has 5 accounts there at SIRIUS and he will cancel them all if he leaves. Howard thanked Bobo for the call. Bobo was also saying he was watching Howard TV and the Ronnie episode with his definitions for the strippers was great. Howard said you have to see that on Howard TV with Ronnie going to Vegas.
Howard said Howard TV is doing a Robert Schimmel special tonight too. He and Bobo spent a little more time talking about the Ronnie special and the goofy things that Ronnie does out there in Vegas. Howard said it really is a man's world. He said that one of the Chilean miners has a wife and a mistress and you know it's a man's world when that happens.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about XM having like 18 million subscribers when they merged. Howard said that's not how many there were. He said they had 600,000 there at SIRIUS when he signed on. XM had 4 of 5 million. He said in the first year everyone was buying SIRIUS and XM wasn't selling. He said a short time later they were brought to their knees. He said it must not have been them, it must have been the NFL. He said it has to be football that keeps the company going, right?
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the show is an integral part of his day. He said that he should probably leave so he can teach them a lesson there. He said that they would have to improve their customer service if he left. Howard said he's right. Howard said when he left CBS/Viacom they would tell him he was only worth so much based on his ratings. He said he was put down and humiliated and he had no place else to go. Howard said he came to find out that he was carrying the whole station there. He said they were selling ad time the entire day based on his show and he was making the company more money than he thought. He said all of the stations ended up falling apart. He said they thought they'd be fine but they were wrong. Howard said they have to stop it already. He said they're aggravating him. He said they should just tell him they don't want him anymore.
Howard said he's going to get good and worked up and he's going to take their business away from them. He said they really don't want that to happen.
Another caller said he can't believe Howard isn't just going to leave and start his own thing. Howard said he has had meetings and he knows that he can start his own business and have his own Howard Radio out there. He said he can put on his own show, a TV show and more. He said he'd charge like $5 a month instead of $15. He said he wouldn't even need ads if he charged 5 bucks. He said he could build his own studio. He has alternatives. He said he can stay there too. He said he's not sure what he's going to do but he has the ability to do whatever he wants now.
Howard said he's just one of the channels there now. He said they need Howard Radio full time. He said they can't be fucking with him. Howard said he may have to go out and build his own thing. He said they'll have to see what happens.
Howard started stammering. That led to Fred playing some more Hanzi clips and Howard said they might have to give him his own show. He had Fred play the clip again and said he might have a show in him. Howard said he should give him and Ronnie a show. Howard said they could just play that clip and have people call in.
Ralph called in and said that he hasn't listened on a hard device in 2 years. He listens to the show online and on his iPhone and iPad. Howard said he'll have to see how it all plays out. It's all about the content. Ralph gave an evil laugh as Howard was saying goodbye to him.
Howard said it's like when people take Superman for granted. He said they applauded him when he came in there. Now they're going to sit and tell him... He started to stammer again. Fred played Hanzi's stammering clip again.
Howard read the note he got from Jon from the people at Legacy Effects. They wrote that the helmets were made during pre-production and that was one of the original Iron Man 2 helmets. They don't make stuff that they sell to the public. Howard said that Jon was sending documentation about all of this and they say that the Iron Man Head is something that costs about the same as a small car to make. Howard said it turns out that the helmet did show up on camera at some point. Howard said he got a ton of information about the helmet. He had it all there in front of him. Howard said Ralph went over to look at the helmet and confirmed it was something very special.
Howard said he went to Jon's house a couple of years ago and they had some great guys performing and jamming with other guys. Howard said he was dancing with Chevy Chase back then. He said they had a great time back then. Last year there was no party. Then this year they threw another one. He said that Jon and his wife Dorothea had another party.
Howard said Beth did the cover of a thing called Hamptons Social Life Magazine. She's on a bicycle in a bathing suit on the cover. He said she's on their bed with nothing on inside the magazine. Howard said she's covered up strategically. Howard said Beth is a great wife and very devoted. Howard said that she's not into anal but neither is he. He said he doesn't like things poking back at him anyway.
Howard said Beth was tied up with the magazine thing so she told him to go and she'd meet him there. Howard said he hates walking in alone to parties like that. He'd prefer to show up with Beth. He said he showed up at the house and there were quite a few people there. He said he tried to show up late and he got there about 20 minutes late. There were a bunch of people standing around. He said he doesn't remember anyone's name so Beth usually helps him out. He said he has a problem remembering anyone. He said he's met people a million times and he can't remember their names.
Howard said he went into the party and got panicked inside when he saw a group of guys sitting around. He went over and shook their hands and asked how they knew Jon. It turns out they were the band that was hired to play. He ended up sitting with the band. He said he came all the way to Bon Jovi's house and he was sitting with the band. He said they were all nice guys but they were a little old to be in a band. Howard said it seemed like a sad story though.
Howard said he wanted to get up and move but he didn't want to be rude. He said he did see Jon eventually and he came over and talked to him. He said he was going to make his escape with him but Jon got pulled to the side. He said he went and got a drink and spoke to Sandy Gallen and someone who told him that he doesn't need SIRIUS now. He told him about the SIM card and that stuff. Howard said everyone was asking him why he needs SIRIUS. Howard said everyone is involved in this negotiation. He said he's really not sure how this whole thing is going to play out. Howard said he should have brought a lawn mower to mow Jon's lawn.
Howard said he became friendly with a very attractive woman, Tamara, who runs Jimmy Chu Shoes. He said she's a big earner and she's really attractive. He said that she may have dated Christian Slater. Howard said he had no trouble remembering her name.
Howard said he spoke to another woman, Ann, whose daughter dated Lindsay Lohan. Howard said he was socializing and talking to everyone. He spoke to John McEnroe, Patty Smythe and others. He said he was talking and talking and then he had dinner. They had a buffet and then he saw Richard Geere and Katie Couric there. He said that Katie said hello to him but he was intimidated by the table that Gere was at so he avoided it. He said he was looking at the tables there and it was weird for him looking around at where to sit. He said Beth still wasn't there.
Howard said he wasn't sure that Dorothea wanted him at her table either. He said that he went to sit with Donny Deutsch instead. He said that Beth showed up later and she asked him what he was doing at that table. He told her about how he met everyone there and he still didn't know what to do. Howard said it was all very complicated for him.
Howard said Beth saw Richard Gere. He said he wasn't going to go over and speak to him so Beth said she wanted to talk to him. Howard said that he didn't want to go over and say hi to him. Then Matt Lauer came over and said hi. He told them to just go over and say hi. Then Jack Nicholson walked in. Howard said he didn't want to go over and say hi to him either. Howard said Matt didn't want to walk over either. Matt had the same problem and said he could see it going horribly wrong. Howard said he's not sure if he's even on Jack's radar. He said he's heard that he's on his radar because he's not happy about him saying that he's too old to get chicks.
Howard said he didn't want to be humiliated in front of his woman. He said he eventually said ''fuck it'' and decided to introduce her to Richard Gere. Howard said he brought Beth over to Gere's table and Richard was talking to some woman. Howard said he interrupted and said hey to him. He hates doing that. Then Gere got up and he introduced himself and Beth. He said Gere took a look at Beth and told her that she was very beautiful. Then they got into discussions about animals and he was just standing there like a shlub. Howard said he now knows what it's like to be a shmo. He said that's like the Cuckold films where the black guy comes in and fucks the white guy's wife.
Howard said that he was out of his mind while Beth was talking to Gere and some other guy was in his ear talking to him about his old shows. Howard said Beth looked so beautiful standing there and this fuckin' guy was in his ear chewing it off. Howard said he has no idea what the guy was saying so he got back in with Beth and Richard.
Howard said he missed everything in the conversation so Beth had to fill him in. He said it just went horribly wrong. They ended up playing one of those Cuckold video clips after Howard mentioned it.
Howard said the band was playing music and he thought the big concert was going to start. None of the other big names got up and sang but Jon did. He said Jon did one song but it was great. He said he and Beth went out and danced. He said she's really good and he's horrible. Howard said that he felt like Beth was looking at Richard Gere and it was like she was dancing with him instead. He said he's not going to hang with Gere. He said that he's dangerous. Howard said he doesn't want his wife around that guy.
Howard said Beth admitted she was smitten with Gere. He said he thinks that he looks very old now though. Robin agrees with him about that. Howard said Gere was telling Beth about how he saves horses and likes to ride. Howard said he was saying all of the right things.
Howard said Beth really was just dancing with Richard Gere in her eyes. He said he had it by that point. He said the party was a bust for him. He said he'd rather be the most famous person in the room.
Howard said he was wandering around the party pretending he didn't see Jack Nicholson there. Then he went over and said hello to him. He said he just grunted at him so he walked away. He said that went horrible too. He said it wasn't good. He said it's exactly what he expected though. He said Jack didn't care about him or about Beth.
Howard said that other people were showing up as he was leaving around 11:30. He said he saw George Stephanopolis coming in as he was leaving. He has no problem talking to that guy though. the caller asked him to do a SIRIUS XMmy's thing before they leave, if they leave. Howard said he'd look into that. He said he really had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and brought up the Jerry Lewis telethon. He said he may save that conversation until tomorrow. He said that Jerry Lewis is completely off his rocker. Howard said that Gary was asking if when Jerry drops dead, will that telethon stop. Howard said the answer is yes. He said that the telethon was a big deal when he was a kid but now it's not. He said that Jerry is like 164 years old and the guests he has on are old guys. He said if you wanted to get people to watch they'd get new bands to perform. Howard said they used to have articles about the telethon back when they were starting out and now no one cares. Howard said that they didn't make the kind of money they used to make on that telethon.
Howard said Jerry thinks that the guys they have on the show are relevant. He said he saw Jack Jones and Charro on the telethon. Howard played some clips from the show and had Jack Jones singing the theme from The Love Boat. Howard said they had Charro on too and Jerry wouldn't let her hug him because he was afraid he'd get in trouble. JD told Howard to play that Jack Jones clip to the end because it's pretty funny at the end. Howard let it play through some more. Howard said the guy still has it. He belted out the end of the song.
Howard said tomorrow they're going to have a bit where they have some Russian women come in. He said they are fresh off the boat and looking for husbands. They're going to do a speed dating type of thing. Howard said people were saying that he can't pick up chicks with his looks so tomorrow they're going to find out if he can get a Russian wife. They're not going to know who he is. Benjy said he thinks he can pick up women better than Howard can. Howard said he might have to make him one of the competitors.
Gary wasn't able to get in touch with Beth. He said he was trying a bunch of numbers but she wasn't picking up. Howard asked JD if he wanted to be part of this dating thing. JD was up for it. Howard asked who else wanted to be part of it. He wondered if Scott DePace, Jon Hein and others wanted to be part of it. Ronnie was up for it. Howard said they'll have to come up with something to tell the women they do for a living. Howard said that none of the women should know what show they're appearing on and that he's the host. They may have to take some of the paintings down from the hallways there.
Sal came in and said that he'll even give it a shot. He said he'd like to be able to talk to some chicks. Howard said he's pretty sure he can pick one up. He said he's not sure if they should speed date all of them or do it one at a time. He figured one at a time is best. He said that they'll vote out the guys as the women pick them. Howard said he can't be voted out though.
Howard asked the guys who think they can beat him in the dating thing if the playing field is level. Mike Gange was one but he wasn't even there. Howard said they all have to say they work on the radio show but do various things. Robin said that she's not sure they can level the playing field. Sal said he might have to whip out his cock. He said that's his job on the show. Howard said they have to make this a legitimate competition.
Howard asked who is in. Ronnie was in. Sal was in. JD and Benjy were also in. Jon Hein was out and it wasn't clear if Jason was going to be in it or not. Jon Hein came in and said he's not against it but he's just not going to compete. He said that Russian women just don't work for him. He said he just can't win. He said he think that Will Murray should be in it.
Will said he's in. He said he thinks that he can get more women than old man Howard. Will said he can work his charm on the girls. Howard said now they have some competition going on. Sal said Will doesn't have a personality. Will said he could get Sal's wife. Sal told him to go ahead and try.
Howard said he's pretty sure he can beat JD. He said he can't have all of them competing. Howard said they might have to do it in different groups. Sal said that would be interesting. Howard said they'll have him, Benjy and Will in one group. Robin thinks that he'd have a chance with that group. Howard and Benjy talked about the amount of time they'd take for the speed dating. Howard said it'll be one minute. Benjy thinks that they can compete for all of the women if they do it like that.
Howard said Scott the Engineer could never pick up a chick. He won't be involved in this. Howard said they're going to have to do this in groups. They'll have Howard in every group but they'll be competing against each other in each round. Gary said he thinks that Sal will do well and he's like a used car salesman. JD said that Ronnie is used to talking to the Russian girls at the strip clubs.
Gary said Shuli had an idea to have JD sit in Howard's chair and make the girls think that he's the host of the show. Howard said that's a good idea. Sal said that's misleading and they can't do that. Howard said they could give JD an advantage that way. Ronnie said that he would win then. Benjy doesn't think they'll get it. Howard said they should have Jared compete. JD said he's out if Jared is in.
Howard said he thinks if he can beat Will and Jared then he'd have something. Sal told him to get his Black AmEx card out and he'd beat them. He thinks that Howard would beat Ronnie in the competition.
Howard said he thinks that his handicap is his face. He said that he can talk to the girls though. Howard said they should have Jared in the competition but maybe he'll come in at the end.
Howard said that he hated that Beth was so in love with Richard Gere. Howard said he missed out on a lot of the conversation. Beth said she was the one not letting him out of her sight. Howard said he didn't like it. Beth said that Richard's wife was very beautiful. Howard said he really thought she was in love with the guy. Howard said it wasn't fun.
Howard said that's all he wanted to talk to Beth about. Beth said that she was wondering if anyone knew anything about John Legend other than the fact that he's got a beautiful girlfriend. Beth said she's doing an interview with him today and she doesn't know that much about him. Robin said he's very charitable. Howard let Beth go a short time later.
Howard said that it's not that clear cut who is going to win. He said that Will is one of the guys who every woman asks about when they come up there. Howard said he has this horrible face that he has to deal with and he's not sure he can overcome that. Howard said he may have to wear a suit tomorrow. Robin said that there are some people there who might want to consider dressing up. JD knew Robin was talking about him. He doesn't have a closet full of suits though.
Howard said he's going to be competing with Will and Jared in the last round. He said he doesn't expect to win that one. Sal was going to give 20-1 odds in that. Howard said he'll go up against Benjy and Ronnie too. He said Benjy claims that he bangs models. Robin asked who he was with yesterday. That was his friend Marianne. He said that she's just a friend. Howard said Benjy has done okay with other women.
Howard said if he loses to JD then he's going to jump out a window. He said he has no personality at all. JD said he does have some. Howard asked Gary if he was hearing all of this. Gary was busy doing something else so he wasn't getting all of the rules for the competition.
Howard said Scott the Engineer thinks he could beat Ronnie and Benjy. Ronnie said that Scott does have a rap. He said Howard doesn't know the real Scott.
Howard said they're going to have him versus Jared and Will. That will be the last round. Howard said the round before that will be him, Ronnie and Benjy. That might be the first round. Maybe Scott the Engineer will be in that round too. Scott said that Benjy is good at scamming girls on the computer so he's not sure how he'll do in person. Scott said he's rusty too. He hasn't dated for many, many years.
Howard said he's going to put JD and Benjy in a round with him. Scott said that it'll be him, Benjy, JD and Scott. Howard said the second round will be Ronnie and Sal against him. He said Sal might have way with the girls. Benjy said that it's only a minute so he might have a shot. Howard said he's not sure why he's doing this. Robin said she thinks that his charm is going to be above the rest. Howard wasn't so sure about that. Robin said Jared isn't all that charming. JD said he doesn't need charm. Ronnie said he's seen him in action and he picked up a chick at the Jon Hein bat mitzvah thing. He said that she was a smoking hot dancer. He asked if JD remembered her. JD said of course he did.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't think that Jared should be in this thing. He thinks that the women are going to like him even if he doesn't say a word. Howard said it's just one round though. The caller said Robin knows that she'd pick Jared over everyone else just based on his looks. Robin said it's not just a looks thing though.
Dominic Barbara called in and gave them some suggestions on how to play and number the guys as they do the dating thing. He also thinks that they're going to know who Howard Stern is. Howard said they're from Russia and they won't know who he is.
Howard said that he thinks that he could have a shot against Jared. Sal didn't even believe that. Howard said he might have to take Jared if he bet on that round. Sal thinks Howard could beat Will in that round. Howard said he's not sure about that. Will said Howard can't beat him. Will said that they have to beat Jared because he does that for a living. Sal said Jared is like a diamond ring to the girls. He said they see him and they see diamonds.
Howard wondered where Jared was. Ronnie said he was probably in his office gloating. Scott asked how much English they know. Howard said they know some. Scott said they may go by looks then. Howard said they can't talk about what they do for a living. Sal said that's a positive for Scott. Will said he finds it funny that Scott thinks he's going to win the girls over with his personality.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that 60 seconds isn't enough time for Howard's personality to come through. Howard said he might need more time against Jared and Will. Howard said he's hoping that Jared would hang himself with his personality if he lets him talk even longer.
A caller asked if the girls are all coming in at once. Howard said the girls are all going to be isolated before coming in there so they won't be able to spoil anything.
Howard said they're on for tomorrow. They'll be doing 3 rounds and he'll be going up against all of the guys. Howard said he thinks that Ronnie will do okay because he does fine with the women. Ronnie just kept saying ''I dunno...'' and played it down.
Howard did his impression of Ronnie talking to the girls and giving them definitions and telling them how beautiful they are. Ronnie said that works for him.
Howard said he had better get a lot of beauty sleep before the show tomorrow. Ronnie said Sal will be putting on his tanning make up. Howard said he needs to sleep for 5 years. Robin said she can't believe that Gange isn't involved. Howard said he's the worst. He said if Gange beat him then he'd have to kill himself. They went to break after that.
Steve said that the writer of the episode of Happy Days where Fonzie jumped over a shark, that led to Jon Hein's JumpTheShark.com, has written an article and thinks that the show wasn't when Happy Days ''jumped the shark.'' Howard said that's the point though. Jumping the shark is the beginning of the end for a TV show.
Steve said they have a story about Pig Virus and how he's running WGN in Chicago and he's apparently begging station executives to have their friends and family call into the Mike McConnell show since no one else is calling in. Steve said he tried listening to the show last week and it was god awful. Steve also got in a plug for tonight's Robert Schimmel tribute show that's on at 7pm on Howard 101.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show.
Howard mentioned that Gabourey Sidibe's mom was let go from America's Got Talent. He said she actually had some talent and she was very good. Robin said she's a street singer. Howard said she had a terrific voice and he's not sure what they were thinking.
Robin started her news with a story about Jon Bon Jovi's party because they had the cops show up and tell them to quiet it down. Jon invited the cops to come in for one more song as they were winding it down. Howard said that Jon quieted down around 11. Robin said he apparently didn't quiet it down because the cops had to show up. Howard said he wouldn't appreciate it if his neighbors were like that. Howard said the music was a little loud. He said he can't imagine trying to sleep through that.
Robin read some news about the Jerry Lewis Telethon. She had some news about who performed there. Howard said Jerry wasn't even able to get through that ''Walk On'' song this year. Howard said he gets all sentimental and can't sing the whole song. He said he might be crying thinking about his own mortality. Howard played some audio of Jerry crying in the middle of the song. Jerry had to stop singing for a few seconds. Robin read more about the telethon and the kind of money they made. Howard said he thinks they're done when Jerry is done. He said he may have to take it over himself.
Howard said he got a check in the mail the other day. It was a royalty check for 53 cents for doing the Larry Sanders show. He said he thought about it and figured he'd cash it even though it wasn't that much. He said that he's going to have to give part of that to his agent so his accountant is going to have to write a check for like 5 cents.
Robin read about how a couple of networks are trying to get an interview with Lindsay Lohan. They're competing for that interview. Robin mentioned that she was in the movie ''Machete'' but she wasn't fully nude like the rumors said. Howard said he was pissed about that when he heard about it.
Howard said he has two Sub Zero ice cube makers and they suck. He said they're brand new machines and they can't even make ice. He said he has two and they're both broken all the time. He said he needs a consumer reports thing on that. He said it only makes 8 cubes an hour and it sucks. Howard said he just wants an ice cube and he can't even get one.
Robin read a story about a study that was done about casual sex and how couples who have sex early on are just as likely as people who don't have sex, at creating a relationship. Howard said you have to see if you have chemistry before you get married. Howard said if you don't have sex nowadays then there's something seriously wrong with you.
Howard asked JD if he pulled the tape of Ryan Seacrest and Larry King talking on his radio show. Howard said he knows that when they leave radio that it's going to sound like the 1950s radio again. He said it's starting to happen. He said this was from Ryan's show and this is what people have to listen to now. He said he can't believe these guys get paid millions. Howard said they're two jerk offs and they're being paid millions. Howard said they were doing a bit where they sang Lady Gaga's ''Poker Face.'' He said Larry is a guy who has nothing interesting to talk about so they were singing ''Poker Face.'' Howard said this is what terrestrial radio is turning into. He said Larry has been married 8 times and his wife just tried to kill herself but Ryan is singing songs with Larry.
Howard said Ryan is goofing on Larry but he's really not. It's just awful. Howard played the audio and Ryan sang the song and then Larry read the lines like he had never heard the song. Howard said they must be making fun of Larry on some level. Howard said he shouldn't know that song though. Howard said they pretend that everything is normal in Larry's life. He asked what kind of radio that is. He said he changed radio but now it's going back to what it was before he was on. Just do shitty radio and don't do anything real.
Robin read a story about how Kara Dioguardi won't be returning to American Idol this year. Howard said she's horrible. Robin said that Randy Jackson will be returning. Howard said he doesn't get why Ellen Degeneres can't just admit she was fired. He said everyone knows she was fired. Howard wondered why she's still alive but Bob Schimmel is dead. He said that guy was honest. This woman is a bore.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if anyone on TV is going to do Schimmel justice when they talk about him. Howard said he doesn't know. He said whatever they do is good. He said he doesn't care what else they do but they're doing their own special tonight.
The caller asked if Bubba plays into his future plans. Howard said that Bubba's agent is flying in today to have a meeting about their future. Howard said he loves working with Bubba and he's not sure what's going to happen. Howard said he's still working about his crew and everyone that works there. The caller did his impression of Hanzi before Howard let him go. Fred threw in the Hanzi clips he was playing earlier.
Robin read about how Consumer Reports having heart surgeon ratings now. Howard said he has been a fan of Consumer Reports since he was a little boy. He said they have to evaluate doctors like that. He likes that they're doing this. Howard said he hopes they don't go out of business like all of these other magazines are.
Robin read a story about money and how much people need to be happy. Robin said that this study shows that money can buy happiness. Robin said that it works up to about $75,000 a year. Robin said below that then people can be miserable.
Robin read a story about Hulk Hogan being in the hospital for back pain. She said that he's had some trouble the past few days. He had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital.
Robin read that John Travolta is done testifying over the extortion trial down in the Bahamas. They had a mistrial the first time so they're re-trying the two guys and Travolta has backed out of testifying. He asked that they drop the charges and they're going along with that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the Russian Dating game. He said that the women who they're having in just want to get married. It's not just about looks. Howard said they had to find women who don't know it's Howard Stern. That's why they got these Russian women.
Robin said that Mark David Chapman is due for his parole meeting again this week. He's been denied many times in the past. Howard said they can't give this guy parole.
Howard said it must be tough for Eric to get exercise being in that chair all the time. Eric said he gets out and lays in his bed sometimes. He said he has to watch what he does because of his heart valve. Howard wondered how he sleeps at night. He said he must eat just about nothing. Eric said he eats pretty well.
Howard said Eric isn't fat or anything. He asked if he takes tiny shits. Eric said they're probably average sized.
Shuli came in and said that Eric's twitter page is phenomenal. Eric said that they were looking at the wrong one because of the content they were seeing. Shuli said that he's following the right one and he was promoting a bunch of Apple products. Eric said that he isn't allowing anymore followers on his account. He doesn't sleep with stuffed animals or anything like that. Shuli said that it's the same Twitter he's been on. Eric said there are some fakes ones but his is @AllSports1975. There are some that look the same but the L is replaced with the letter I. Howard said he knows people who confuse Beth's accounts too and they thinks that she's foul mouthed based on what she's tweeting. It's not even her. Howard let Eric go a short time later.
Robin had some news about President Obama talking about how they're going to be working on the roads and railways around the country. She had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin read a story about a pastor who wants to burn a copy of the Quran on 9/11. The military has stepped in and said that this could cause major problems for the troops over in Afghanistan.
Robin read some news about Angelina Jolie going over to Pakistan to help them out during the flooding that's going on there. Robin had some audio of her talking about that. Howard said she sure stopped being fun a long time ago. He said he thought she'd go back to being nutty and fun but that hasn't happened. Howard said it's hard to beat off to a do-gooder. He said that you have to do it in moderation.
Robin read a story about Mila Jovovich. Howard said he has watched all three of the Resident Evil movies with her in it. Robin said the new Resident Evil is coming out. She had some audio of Mila talking about that. Howard said she's never quite naked in the movies but she is hot.
Robin read about one of the founding members of the band ELO dying in a freak accident. He was killed when a bale of hay rolled down a hill and hit his van in the English countryside. Robin said that happened last week and he died instantly. Robin had some of their music to play as she was reading through that story. They wrapped up the show a short time later. They ended it around 11:00am.
Jon went through some of the other stuff he wanted to go over. Gary said that he got busted by Robin about the deer tweet. He said he sent out an email to the ''guys'' email and someone must have told Robin he was the one who sent it out. Gary said that there are two people who jump out at him and he thinks it could be one of two people.
Jon said that this is also Benjy's last day of being banned from the Wrap Up Show. He mentioned Howard's discussions about possibly leaving there. Gary said it's getting kind of crazy and no one knows what to say when Howard is talking the way he is. Gary said their last day on the air is December 17th so they're only like 2 and a half months away from that last day. Jon said it's getting intense and he'd like to know what the deal is there. Jon said there's nothing they can do about it though.
Gary said the turning point for him was when Howard said he wants to keep working. He said he hopes that he still wants him to be part of it. He hopes that something will happen. Jon said he's not sure if he'd be part of the future or not. Gary said he thinks that he would be.
Jon ran through some more stuff that he wanted to go over today. They talked about Howard going to the Bon Jovi party and the whole Richard Gere discussion. Jon said his wife loves Richard Gere too. Gary said his wife is into Matt Damon.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he had a definition of Ronnie. He said he's a wack packer with a driver's license. He said if you listen to the tapes from Thursday, Wendy the Retard and Ronnie both say ''anyways'' when they're on the air.
Jon asked the caller if he thinks that Ronnie is going to do well in this competition. The caller said if they hide him and they can't see him then he'll do fine. He said that if they see the guys then the girls are going with the good looking guys. The caller said if someone comes in with $1,000 bills hanging off of them then maybe the girls will fall for the ugly guys.
Another caller asked Jon if he would be part of the game if they had Brazilian girls in this. He told Jon that he's not a team player. Jon said his game is long gone and he doesn't even have a game anymore. The caller said that Ronnie doesn't have game either. Jon said that they all think they do so they'll have to see what happens. Gary said he'd be better off with more time. He'd rather have 90 minutes than 90 seconds.
Yucko the Clown called in and said that he was going to call Jon some names about the competition. Yucko said he's a 4 eyed mutant and he should get into that competition. Jon said he can't believe he sent Yucko money for his wedding either. Yucko laughed at him and continued to goof on him. Jon said it felt good to hang up on him.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he thinks that Howard is going to beat JD but he's going to feel bad if he loses to anyone in there. Gary said losing to Jared isn't bad. The caller said he thinks it would be bad if he lost to JD or Sal. He's worried about Howard losing.
Another caller said Sal isn't going to take it seriously. Gary said he thinks he will. The caller said they should blindfold the girls and not let them see what the guys look like. He said that they may just go toward the looks. Gary said that's life though so that's what they're going for.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think Benjy will come on the show tomorrow. Jon said that maybe Benjy has found better things to do. He said he hopes he'll come by the show but he's not sure. Gary said he heard him telling Lisa G that he's looking forward to coming back.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they have a future show planned for the girls and meeting real guys for their husbands. Gary said they don't have anything like that planned.
Jon asked Gary who he thinks is taking this thing most serious. Gary said Howard is going to be the most serious. He said that with Benjy you never know what he's going to do.
Another caller asked if they're going to be drinking at all during this game. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said they can drink if they want to. That caller also asked when Gary is going to be doing a book signing in Los Angeles. Gary said it might be the same week the book comes out.
Another caller brought up Hanzi again and got the guys talking about him again. They were talking about his theories about how they're spying on him and things like that. A caller said that Hanzi may want to stay away from the show for a while before he snaps. Gary said that he might get involved in something else controversial and do the same thing. The caller said Hanzi can get a little nuts with his Facebook posts too. Gary said that he could step away for a couple of months. The caller said he doesn't think that will happen. He's in it for life. Jon said he hopes he's doing okay.
Jon took a call from someone who said he thinks that he could beat Scott the Engineer in a bowling game. He knows he could beat him. Gary said maybe they'll take his number and do something sometime. Gary said he'd like to have a celebrity sports competition where celebrities have to do a bunch of different events. Jon said he'd be up for that too. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that Schimmel was a great guest and he really liked him on the show. He said the guy never held anything back when he was on. Jon said that's what made him a great gust and he would share stuff that he knew he shouldn't tell on the air.
Gary said he had the feeling that he wouldn't share some of that stuff anywhere but on this show. Jon said that he found it interesting how the whole TV show deal came about with Schimmel. Jon said that you can't open the TV show with him hitting on your daughter's friend in a hospital room. Gary said they could do it on a cable channel, maybe not on a regular network.
Jon played some audio of Howard talking about Schimmel's first phone call with Gary and how he got booked on the show for the first time.
After that Jon and Gary talked about some of Schimmel's stories and how he got himself into a lot of trouble with his wife and things like that.
Jon took some calls about Bob Schimmel and then Lisa G came in and said they're going to have an interview they did with Bob on August 13th. She said that she had been speaking to him about the liver donor process. She said they spoke to him when he moved into his dad's house. They'll have that on the special tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Lisa said that they have a lot of people who wanted to be part of the special. Gary said that Dice texted him and he would be another good one to have on the special. He said that Dice loved Schimmel.
Jon asked Lisa about who she thinks is going to win this dating thing. Lisa said she thinks that Jared is going to do very well. She said that Howard is a very nice looking guy but she thinks that it's going to be Jared.
Lisa said she didn't want to answer about Howard going up against JD. She started laughing hysterically when Jon mentioned JD. Lisa said that she was thinking of people who have met JD for the first time in the past. She said she has nothing against JD but she thinks that Howard will beat JD out for the date.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they're taking the wrong approach for this. He said that he has an uncle who goes to Brazil and he gets some chicks down there. He said American's are like gods down there. He said his uncle gets really hot chicks down there and he thinks the girls might not care so much about looks. Gary asked if his uncle is going to bars or whore houses or what. The caller said he goes to many places and he gets some really hot chicks. The guy said his uncle has actually been missing since May so he's not sure what happened to him. He said that every picture they saw when they went through his stuff, the women were all really good looking. He was hanging with them at their houses and not just at the resorts.
Gary asked if they ever found the uncle. The guy said he ran out of money down there and he's hit up some of the family for money. He keeps saying he's coming home but he never does. He said they last heard from him about a month ago and he was asking for money again.
Jon said he thinks that Lisa had a clean analysis of the contest with that laugh against JD. Jon asked Gary if he thinks there will a language barrier tomorrow. Gary said he's not sure how that's going to work. He said it might work in some of the guy's favor when they can't understand. He said it should be interesting to see how it works with the 90 second dating.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why they haven't had Sofia Vergara on the show. Gary said she's never asked to do the show. He said he's not sure that they'd go after her either. The guy also asked where Elephant Boy has been. Gary said he just called in recently and he's got a job.
Shuli came in and said that Lisa is still back in the news office laughing. He said that she can't stop. Shuli also had some thoughts on the Russian girl thing. He was thinking that they might be looking for the person they can sucker into marrying them the quickest. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he was talking to Gary about Oprah Winfrey but he doesn't know what he was talking about. He said it was something about relinquishing control. Gary came in and said that she's being honored by the Kennedy Center so she's going to go on as a guest and they're going to surprise her with people. Howard said ''Who gives a shit?'' Gary said ''Exactly.''
Howard had to change his glasses because his headphones dig into his head with the regular ones and not with the sunglasses. He said he has to change them to keep from getting his daily headache. Howard said it's really painful. Robin asked if he could have the same glasses made as clear lenses with the same frames. Howard said he didn't like them as regular glasses.
Howard said he's in a foul mood today. Beth wants to get another cat and he told her that he isn't good at taking care of things. He said it's fine when Beth is there but not when she's away. He said last night she was out at a baby shower and he was alone with Bianca. He said she doesn't like the apartment and she won't sleep at night. He said she'll stand outside the door panting and wanting to come in. He said he told Beth he won't lock the dog out because she gets shaky and nervous. At 2 o'clock this morning Beth must have been in the other bedroom. He was woken up by the dog at 2. He said that makes him crazy and everything is torture to him. He said he's nuts. Robin said she doesn't have to be convinced. She knew that for years.
Howard said he was back at his psychiatrist yesterday. He said he just wants to be done. Robin said this means that he's just getting up to something big in his therapy. Robin said he's playing tricks on himself and he thinks he should be able to cut down. This is all showing that he's making great movement.
Howard said he shut the dog out of the room and felt bad about doing that. He had to do it for another hour and a half. Howard said he needed his beauty sleep for this dating thing today. He said Beth was wondering about why he's trying to pick up women on the show. Howard said he explained to Beth what they're doing and how it's just to see if they can pick women up.
Howard said he doesn't want the other competitors hearing his rap. He said they can respond to it if they hear him. Gary said he'll take care of that. Howard wants to go last so he can do his thing and no one else can play off of that. He said he'll be a contestant and play the right way but he doesn't want anyone else hearing him.
Howard said he has to come up with a fake name too. He may play the part of ''Scott DePace.'' He said he isn't good with fake names though. He said he always forgets what it is and says his real name anyway. Howard said he looks like Lenny the Sheister when he does that.
Howard said they have that big bit coming up later. He said he would have liked to have gone up against Fred but he didn't want to play. Fred said he doesn't fare well in these kind of things. Howard said he doesn't either.
Howard said he thinks he can take down Benjy because he has youth. Robin said that she's heard stories about Benjy lying to women and sending fake pictures. Howard said he did pick up that cute blonde who was at his Christmas party. He said Scott the Engineer is an old fart too. He doesn't think he'll have a chance either. Howard said he should be able to take him out. He thinks he can take out Ronnie usually too but the guy has a 28 year old girlfriend. He has young women in the palm of his hand somehow.
Howard said he's seen pictures of himself and they're frightening. Robin said that reality is much better to him. Cameras are not his friend. Howard said he hopes they can see the good side of his face in this thing.
Howard said his dog won't sleep since they remodeled. He said it's the same apartment though. Robin said they changed the decor. Howard said he may not even have to live in New York after this year. He said they could move to Florida. He said Beth wants to keep the apartment. Howard said he doesn't need the overhead. Howard said he isn't leaving anyway. He's going to figure out a way to bring the show to his fans no matter what.
Howard said he was talking to his agent about his future and what he'd have to charge people to do a show on the internet. It would have to be more than 5 bucks a month but not a lot more. He said it would still be cheaper than what they're charging there at SIRIUS. Howard said everyone is afraid he won't do enough hours but he thinks he'll still be there way too much.
Howard said he's been talking to people about the SIM card thing and trying to understand that. He said people will have Bluetooth devices in their cars and they should be able to listen to the show somehow.
Gary came in and talked about the dating game thing again. Howard is going to have 90 seconds to talk to the girls. Howard said Gary is a fake because he's bragged about how he's a ladies man and thought that he could have had Jennifer Aniston when she was a Nutri-System girl. Gary said that was like 25 years ago. He said she was still a little overweight at the time too.
Howard said that he's pretty sure that the girls won't have a clue who he is. Gary said that Jim McClure was just over in Russia and he said that none of the women knew who Howard Stern was. Howard said he thinks that the women are going to see him and think that someone put a fire out on his face. He said they're just going to want money and a baby.
Howard said that a lot of women at the strip clubs were Russian and he never wanted to talk to any of them. He said they had nothing to say to each other.
Howard said he's going to blame the dog if he loses this thing today. He said he was up at 2 so he didn't get his beauty sleep. Howard said Will dressed up really nice today for his date. He said he
Howard asked Ed how he tried to kill himself. Ed said he took pills. He said he didn't take enough though. He just fell asleep.
Ed said he has a new way of wiping. He uses a blow dryer and he puts baby powder in there. Howard asked him about the wiping. It turns out Ed has a bucket in his shower and he uses his hand to clean out his ass after he shits. He uses the water and his hand and then washes his hands. He said he uses Stridex on his asshole too. Ed said that he likes the feeling of that. Howard said he had to go throw up now. He was so grossed out he couldn't take anymore.
Robin asked about Ed's blow drying of his ass. Ed gets out of the shower and blows it dry. Then he puts the powder in there.
Howard said he had an anal fissure when he was younger. He said he used to spend too much time wiping. Ed asked Howard if he could run for governor. Howard said ''Sure.''
Gary said Jason called Ed back after he left messages for him and then Ed called into Superfan Roundtable and yelled at them for not calling him back. He had forgotten that Jason had called him. Ed blames the medication. Howard let Ed go a short time later.
Howard said we have a country full of invalids. He said it's very depressing. He said farmers used to get up and do a day of work without complaint.
Howard said Benjy is allowed back on the Wrap Up Show as of today. It's been 3 months since he was banned from doing the show. Howard said the Howard TV guys were showing a picture of Benjy sweating. He said there's no way he's beating him with the Russian women. Benjy said that's from showering before he comes to work. Howard said he looks sickly. He told them to put the picture up on the web site right now. He said he has to get a towel and wipe himself down.
Howard took another call from a guy who said Robin is so jealous of Howard and Beth that it's incredible. He said Robin wishes she was out in the Hamptons but she's in Jersey and miserable. Robin asked why he thinks that. The caller said she was all jealous of what Howard was up to over the weekend. Robin said she doesn't know what he's talking about. The caller said that's bullshit. Robin said that story Howard told sounded look a nightmare to her. The caller said she's full of shit and she wishes she was there.
Howard said he doesn't think that Robin is jealous. He said he's not sure why she doesn't go to her house in Jersey. Robin said she'll go there this weekend. Howard said she seems to be running around too much. Howard said Robin likes it when he tells her what to do.
Howard said he doesn't agree with the caller. He said he does think that Robin is searching for something. He said she's trying to figure things out. Robin said that's what life is about. Howard said it is when it's in moderation. Howard said she's training for the New York City Marathon and she has a full time job so it's a lot of work. The caller said she's doing it because Beth did it. Howard doesn't think that's the case.
Howard said Robin is busy every weekend running for the airplane and trying to train for the marathon. Robin said she ran over in Germany. She said she ran for time and not for mileage. She said she didn't even know how far she ran but she thinks it was like 13 miles. Howard said Robin seems like she's doing too much. Robin said Howard sounds like his mother with him. Howard said Robin has more energy and he supports that, but this is too much for her.
Robin said she ran on Thursday before she got on the plane. Howard said she's going to have a heart attack from all of this. He said she's going to end up getting sick in the marathon if she keeps up this schedule. Howard said Beth was training and she was really wiped out. Howard said he knows he sounds like his mother but he hopes Robin is fine. He said maybe she is. The caller said she's out of control.
Howard said he had a little game to play with the caller. The caller, Ox, is a mail man so he spent a minute talking to him about that. Howard said they have a Miss Howard Stern Intelligence game to play. Howard said this was brought to us by 7-Eleven.
Howard said they had 5 questions and the caller had to guess if Miss Howard Stern, Andrea, was going to answer her questions correctly. The warm up question was ''What country gave us the Statue of Liberty?'' Andrea said she'd like to know that answer. She then said ''New York?''
The first game question was ''Who is on the $100 bill?'' Ox said that she will not know it. Andrea said Ben Franklin. The next question was ''How many sides are on an octagon?'' Ox said she would not know. Andrea said ''Six.'' She was wrong. The next question was ''How many states are there in the U.S.?'' Ox said that her answer could be 48 or 50. He said there are 50 but she'll probably say 52. Andrea said ''50.'' She was right. The next question was ''Who wrote Hamlet?'' Ox said no way she would know. Andrea said ''I have no clue.'' The final question was ''What does fornicate mean?'' Ox said he says she will know the answer. Howard said she doesn't know. Robin said she may know it. Andrea's answer was ''Acting as an imposter.'' She was wrong and Ox won $711 from 7-Eleven. Ox hung up when he was done. Howard said they have his number so they'll call him back. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about how that song Fred was playing was real music. That was a live version of the song. Howard said that song is unbelievable. He said he has some albums hanging up in his house and that album, Disraeli Gears, was one of them. He said he looks at that album and it helps him pee. He has trouble going pee sometimes and that helps him concentrate.
Howard said he never bought into Clapton as being God though. He said he thinks Eddie Van Halen can do better. Jimi Hendrix can do better. Robin said she likes Clapton and he can play pretty amazing. She said that Eddie doesn't play like this. Howard said there was too much jamming on this album. Robin said that they were a jam band. Howard said that's not true. He said Clapton got self indulgent on the road. Robin said he could do this for her all day long and she's in no rush.
Howard said this Will Smith and his wife Jada Pinkett really want their kids to be famous and he hates that. He said it shouldn't bother him but it does. He said they're pushing the daughter into some kind of music career. He said he was listening to the song and Jay-Z is thinking of signing her. He said it's all happening for their kids and it shouldn't be. He said the song is going to be a hit though. He said the song is ''I Whip My Hair'' and the kid is only like 7 years old. He said she has a Rihanna like hair cut and she's only 7.
Howard said he doesn't like the song but it's going to be a hit. He played some of the song and it doesn't sound like a 7 year old. Howard said she may be like 9. Howard said the kid is cute too. He said she looks like her mom but hotter. He said she's only 9 but she looks hot.
Howard said Madonna's kid has a clothing line. He said that's annoying too. He said that Katie Holmes was on Regis and Kelly and she was like an empty head. He said she has nothing there like she's just empty. Howard said that they're pushing their kid, Suri, into stuff too. Howard said they talk about their kid like she's some kind of god.
Howard had Benjy asked Fred a question that might stump him. He asked what the main religions are in India. Fred gave him some answers but Benjy didn't even know the correct answer.
Benjy asked Fred what a Liger was. Fred said it's a cross between a lion and a tiger. That was right. Howard said he didn't know that there was such a thing. Howard said they might have to have Fred go up against Brent in a contest.
Benjy stumped Fred with a question about animals that can procreate by themselves. Benjy was saying that it might happen with humans once in a while too. Howard told him he's nuts.
Gary asked Fred what countries in Europe start with the letter A. Albania was one. Fred was trying to figure out the others. He wasn't able to come up with Austria and Andorra.
Howard got back to the Natalie Maines and Eddie Vedder concert. He said they covered the song ''Cover Your Eyes'' and it was great. He played the song after that.
The caller said that Rachel didn't say she had a crush on Howard when she was asked about her celebrity crushes. Howard said that's fine. He said she doesn't have to have a crush on him.
Howard had David Arquette on the phone. It was his birthday today. He's 39. Howard said he didn't know he was that young. David said he's not young. Howard said that he thinks he still looks younger than his age of 56. Robin said she thinks he does too.
Howard asked David what was up. David said he's having a mid-life crisis. He's still out in Michigan shooting a movie. Howard asked where his wife is. David said she's back out in L.A. He said he just went back home for a couple of days so he just saw her. Howard said he would do lots of shitty things to his wife. David thanked him for that. He said that makes him feel good.
Howard asked David if he's spending his birthday alone today. David said he's spending it with his friends Howard and Robin. Howard asked what his wife did for his birthday. He said they really didn't do anything. No blow job or anything. Howard said it's weird when you get married and blow jobs go away. David said they go right out the window when you get married.
Howard said he was begging Beth to please be a massage girl and use lotion on his penis. He said he got it. He said he's not sure what the lotion was but it worked. He said he was going to ask her to put it on his balls but he was embarrassed to ask.
David said he wanted to thank them for having him on the show. He said he'll be back soon. Howard asked if he had lines to remember. David said they only have a few scenes left to shoot. He said the cast is great and it's been the same for 16 years. This is going to be ''Scream 4: The Return To Woodsborough.'' Howard let David go a short time later.
Howard said he thought JD had cleaned up this morning. Lisa laughed again. Howard said JD has on a nice shirt. JD came in and Howard was kind of laughing too. He said he doesn't have a shot against him but he might to okay. Robin said it looks like JD didn't shave. Howard asked why he didn't wear his Cheetos shirt. JD said he had to leave. Howard said he looks like a terrorist with that hair on his face. He said he liked the shirt he had on today.
JD told Lisa to yuck it up today. He said she did that yesterday. Lisa told JD not to let the stripper cut his hair anymore. JD just gave her an ''Okay'' and said he thinks he looks okay now. Howard said he doesn't know about that. He asked if he would go to his barber for a lap dance. JD said she went to that beauty school.
Howard took a call from a caller who said he thinks Ronnie is going to win the contest. Howard said he's going up against Sal and Ronnie at one point. He said that Sal could steal it. Howard said Sal has a way with people and he might be able to win. JD said Sal is wearing his Rick's Cabaret shirt.
The caller told Howard he had a way for him to feel better about the Iron Man helmet. He said that he'd like to have his astronaut helmet. Howard said alright and hung up on the guy.
Lisa asked if Jared can lift up his shirt today. Howard said he hopes that would creep the girls out. Howard said maybe he'll fuck up a little bit but he heard Jared is pretty smooth. Robin said he didn't even come in there yesterday. He was scared to come in the room. Fred said Jared knows what he's doing and he'll do fine today.
Howard said he's worried about Will and Jared. Fred said Howard can be charming when he wants to be so he'll do fine too.
Howard had Will come in to show off what he was wearing today. Will said that he's getting beat up in the back there with everyone talking about how bad his personality is. Howard said Will is going to do fine.
Howard said he had to use his personality in college. He said he would smoke just so he'd have the cigarette to talk to at parties. He said he has to tell JD this so he knows he's not alone. He asked JD what his opening line is going to be and said it'll probably be about how good he feels being on meds. JD said he's not on meds anymore. He's off of that stuff now. Howard said that's good.
Howard said he was thinking about this and he may crack up hearing the guys talking to the girls. Howard said he won't be able to listen to them. Howard said that it's going to be him, JD, Scott Salem and Benjy in the first round. Howard said that JD should be able to take out Benjy. Benjy borrowed Tim Sabean's watch and a wedding ring from someone too. Howard said that everyone can do what they want but they can't say that they're Howard Stern. Benjy said he was going to say he was Howard. Howard said he can't.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Will is going to do very well in this. She said she wishes that she was one of the Russian broads. Howard hung up on her and took another call. The caller said he wants to see what everyone is wearing today. He wanted something up on the web site.
Howard said he might have to tell the women that everyone else has a small penis. Howard said he'll claim to have a thick one.
Lisa G said they have a story about Richard Christy doing a role in a new movie called ''Pennhurst.'' Richard plays a creepy doctor who castrates people. Lisa said that they hope to release the movie by Halloween. Howard said that's just a few weeks from now. He said it must be the worst movie ever. Howard said he doesn't know where these people get money to do these vanity projects. Lisa said in their spare time the cast searched for ghosts in the abandoned mental institution they were filming in.
Lisa said that Captain Janks is a father of a 22 year old. Howard said he thinks he's told that story on the show. They reunited over Facebook according to Gary. Lisa said that Janks has also been clean and sober since February of 2009. He's trying to start a relationship with the 22 year old son.
Lisa said that Crazy Alice has moved to Hollywood and she's encountered some trouble from her neighbors. She had some women laughing at her and she cursed them out in the interview. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that it might be of some interest to people who subscribed for his show. He may end up going somewhere else and he's just letting everyone know the thought process.
Howard said he saw Scott in his suit and he was shocked at how good he looked. Howard said he's just in a t-shirt. He said he gave himself the name ''Scott DePace'' though. The guys were all shocked at how well Scott the Engineer cleaned up.
Howard said they should make it so all of the guys have to say that they've been asked not to say what they do for a living. That might be the fair thing to do. Howard said that they might think he's in Pearl Jam or something like that.
Howard said he bets that Benjy is going to do something dumb like sing to the girls. Howard said he was going to wear a Yankees outfit and pretend to be A-Rod. Howard said he saw that A-Rod was at the U.S. Open and Cameron Diaz was cross court with two of her friends. It's like they don't want to be seen together. Howard said that's so gay and silly. JD said TMZ caught Cameron and A-Rod coming out of a restaurant but minutes apart. Howard said maybe that makes things more exciting for the two of them. He said it can't be a reality.
Howard said he was doing his rap on music earlier and wanted to play this clip. It's a mash up of John Lennon's Imagine and Van Halen's Jump. Howard wondered why someone would waste their time doing that. He said it's just weird. Howard played the song for Robin. He said you want it to work but it just doesn't. He said it was weird and horrible. Howard said it fills him with anxiety. Howard said mash ups disturb him.
Howard said he had a creepy clip to play. He said Sal found this one of a couple soliciting for people to have sex with pets or something.
Howard asked Benjy if he shaved in the sink in the bathroom. Benjy said he cleaned the sink. He said he'd be happy to clean it. He did trim some hair and then the drain didn't go down. He said that they're not all his hairs either.
Howard played the clip of the couple looking for people to have sex with their pets. The couple said they were looking for real people who like having sex with animals and with the wife. They were saying they have 4 trained canines that they use for that. The wife said if there are gay males who don't want to have sex with her that's fine. They also have a horse they use for sex. They were really creepy with their comments.
Howard said that was a great clip. He asked Sal what the woman looks like. Sal came in and said that she looks like Artie Lange with pig tails. He said her tits are just as big as Artie's. He said the guy doesn't show himself in the video.
Howard asked if everyone is looking forward to the ''Boardwalk'' show on HBO. Robin said that it looks great. Howard said it does look great. He thinks that it'll be great. Robin said that Martin Scorsese said he wanted to be able to tell a story in long form by doing this 13 episode series.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that many of these Russian women are very materialistic. Howard said that they're looking for men to sweep them off their feet. Howard said they already lived badly and they want to have a good life here.
Another caller said that he should be very formal and not joke it up with the girls. Howard said he has a game plan and he knows what to do. He said from what he read about the girls, two of them are here studying opera and one is studying something else. He said they don't know all that much about them. Gary said there were two last minute substitutions. He said they don't know who the guys on the show are though.
Howard said Ronnie has a rap with the girls and it may make Robin sick hearing it. Robin said it may make her sick for all women.
Howard said he got a bunch of nice comments about Robert Schimmel. He said they had a special on last night on Howard 101. He said he got a great letter from Lee Kernis who was Bob's manager. Howard said he said a lot of nice things about the guy. Howard said Lee told him that Bob was a full time job and he was taking him to the hospital for the cancer stuff and things like that.
Howard said Bob could never have a short conversation on the phone and that was one of the reasons he didn't call him enough. He said he got a little gun shy making those calls. Howard said Lee reminded him how much Bob loved doing the show too. Howard said Lee would tell him not to bring up some stuff and Bob would bring it up anyway. He said that Lee had to handle the lawyers that called when he'd bring up some stuff on the show. Howard said Bob was something else.
Howard said they had a lot of people writing in about his rants about SIRIUS. Howard said he does love them there. He read some of the email and the fans are saying they will cancel and go wherever he goes. Howard read one where the guy said that he's been disrespected and he should leave. Howard said he doesn't think that they're going to go down if he leaves.
Howard read an email from a guy who said he's canceling if Howard leaves. He already sold his stock when Howard said things weren't looking good. Howard said he hopes they do the right thing by the show. Howard said he'd like to stay.
Howard read some feedback about Hanzi and Eric the Midget too. He said he got some email about his Sub Zero ice maker. Someone sent in a report from Consumer Reports where they talked about how unreliable the Sub Zero refrigerators are. Howard said he should have checked on that before he got that.
Howard read about Robin's comments about the ''Dindle'' thing she was wearing. It's actually a ''Dirndle.'' Robin said she was just going by the way they said it to her over there.
Howard read some mail about Robin's tweets. The guy was wondering how Robin knew the deer in the woods was German. Maybe it was a tourist deer. Robin said that's a good point. Howard said he was going to take a break after that. The Russian girls were there so he had to break before getting to them.
Howard said that they offer a translation service for guys who are looking for Russian women. Oksana said guys contact her and pay her $80 a week for her service. She said it works out to about $10 an hour.
Howard asked Oksana if she's the same girl that was trying to extort money out of Mel Gibson. Oksana said she would never do that. Howard said Oksana is a very good looking woman. He said he bets that she's very loving.
Oksana said that she was on the show 5 years ago and she took her top off. She said that her career went up a lot after that. She said that she had a radio show to promote back then. Howard said her boobs must still look good. She said she wanted to get a boob job but she hasn't done that.
Oksana said next time she comes in she'll have more girls for them. Howard said today they're going to do two rounds with the girls they have there. Oksana said the girls don't know anything about Howard. Howard said that's good. He said they're all going to go in, one by one, and do this speed dating thing. He said they'll have two different groups and he'll be in both. He said they have 90 seconds to do the speed dating and then the girls will say who they liked the most.
Oksana said that one of the girls has red hair and the other is Dominican. Howard said he has no idea what she's talking about half the time. Howard said you can find out more about her translation service, go to RussianTranslations911.com. Robin didn't understand what the service was so Oksana explained it to them again. Howard and Robin still didn't seem to know what it was but they were done hearing the explanation.
Oksana said that the girls there today are 21 and 22 years old. She said that women over 25 feel old and they get made fun of. Howard asked who is going to want to be with him at his age. Oksana said that the girls are looking for a soul mate so he has a shot with the girls. Oksana said they know enough English to understand what they'll be saying. Howard said some of the guys are very good looking so he's not sure if he has a shot. Oksana said they look at men with a different perspective. She said Howard is not ugly either. She said that he was so hot on David Letterman. She told him to take his eyeglasses off and show his eyes.
Howard told Gary to get in there so he can go out and do his thing. Gary said they're going to do Benjy, Scott Salem, Howard and JD. He said that Sal, Will and Jared will be in the second group. Howard told Oksana not to tape in there. Gary told Oksana not to do that before the show and she didn't listen. She said it was for just one second. Howard said it was one second too much.
Gary said that one of the girls just got there like last week. He said that they're very new to the country. Howard said he's going to leave now and go out and do his thing. He and Benjy are going to be leaving. Gary was going to control the board. He knows how to control the microphones and all of that.
Howard took off his headphones and let Gary take over. Jon Hein is going to be in charge of sequestering the guys. Jason will be helping out as well.
Gary was going to play the part of Howard now. He asked Jon to give him a thumbs up if everyone was set. He was all ready to go so they brought in Maria who is the red head that Oksana mentioned earlier. Robin said she was little. Gary said hello to her and asked how long she had been there. she's been in the country for 2 years now. She told them that she likes being there and she's been working. She hasn't been dating though. Gary asked Maria about what she does. She works as a hostess in a restaurant.
Gary told Maria that they were going to have Benjy come in and do a 90 second speed dating thing. Benjy came in and told Maria she looked very nice and then asked her some questions. He said he was very nervous with her too. Robin asked if his time was up yet because she was bored. Benjy said that Robin was his mom. Benjy then spoke to her in Russian. She asked if that was supposed to be Russian. He ran out of time after that.
Gary sent Benjy out of the room and asked Maria what she thought of him. She said that he was nice and she didn't understand his Russian phrases. She and Oksana tried to figure out what he was trying to say. Maria said it was very funny that he tried to say something in Russian. Oksana said that Benjy was good looking compared to Russian men. Maria said that Benjy was nice.
Gary had Scott the Engineer Salem come in next. Scott said hi to Maria and asked her when she got there. She said she's just been there since June. She said she likes it very much. Scott asked her where she goes to party and things like that. Scott asked if she wanted to go see some of the sights around the city too. She said she likes to dance. They talked about partying and dancing for the few seconds they had left of the 90 seconds.
Gary brought in JD and said they were going to wait to get reactions from the girls. JD came in and asked how long she had been there and how much she liked it. JD asked about her job and things like that. JD asked her what she looks for in a guy. Maria said that he should have a sense of humor and he should respect her and show that he loves her.
After JD ran out of time they had Howard come in as ''Scott D.'' Howard spoke to Maria and said that it was good to see her. He asked her how long she'd been there and all of the same things that everyone else asked. Howard then said it must be exciting to be there. Maria said that it was very interesting. Howard asked if she found a job. She said she did. Howard said this was very awkward but he would like to get to know her and talk to her some more. He said he could never go to Russia and get a job and start a new life. Howard asked if her family is going to come over. She said they will. They ran out of time.
Gary said they had one more person and that was Ronnie. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and asked Maria how she was and said she's very pretty. He asked how long she had been there. He asked what she likes to do. She said she likes to have fun and party. Ronnie asked if she likes to go to clubs. She said sometimes she does. Ronnie asked her what she drinks. Maria said she likes Vodka. Maria said she likes chicken to eat. Ronnie asked if she likes older guys. Maria said it doesn't mater for her. She said it's about the personality. They ran out of time a short time later.
They brought in all of the contestants next so they could have Maria tell them who she would like to see again and get to know better.
Maria ended up picking Benjy. She said he was very nice and smiling at her. She said he was attractive to her too. Gary asked if there was anyone who was too old for her. She said that she wasn't sure about that. Maria said one of them was like a father to her. Howard asked who her second choice would be after Benjy. Maria said it was all so fast. She said she might pick Scott D next. That was Howard. She said that he was not like everyone and she likes individuality. Howard asked if she really liked Benjy more than him. Gary asked her what it was about Benjy that Scott D. didn't have. She said that was just the feeling she had. She wasn't sure exactly what it was. She said it was a sense of humor or something. Howard asked who her third choice would be. Maria said she wasn't sure because it all happened so fast. Howard asked who the third guy would be that she would date. She picked Scott the Engineer. Howard said it was Benjy, Scott D., Scott the Engineer and then who? Maria picked JD next and Ronnie last.
Howard said he wanted to discuss this for a minute. He told the guys to stay in there. He said he can't believe he lost to Benjy. Fred said he thinks that he won the round because he spoke Russian to her. Howard said he brought in roses for her and he didn't have them where he said they were. Howard said he wasn't able to find the blue bag that he said was in his office. Howard said Gary is an asshole. Howard said he can't believe he lost out to Benjy.
Robin said that Benjy sort of identified with her. He said he was nervous just like she was. Howard told Maria that Benjy is sweaty, fat and bald. Benjy said he's getting better. Benjy also said that he's flattered by this. He said that it's brave and adventurous for someone to move to another country like that.
Benjy said that Maria's eyes are incredible. Howard told him to shut up. He was still trying to pick her up. Howard asked if she would go out with Benjy for real. Maria laughed. Howard asked if she would really go out with him. She said she would. Oksana asked if she wanted to date him. She didn't seem to know what was going on.
Howard said Maria is lovely and he was hoping that he'd be the one. He said he was not so Benjy has the bragging rights. Howard said he was glad he beat the other guys at least.
The guys spent a minute talking about what went on and then Howard moved on to the second round. Howard asked Gary where his roses were. Gary said he had them in his office and they were right there. Howard asked Maria if she would have loved the rose. Maria said she would. Robin said that Howard seemed nervous. Howard said he was.
Howard said this second round is going to be tough. He has to go up against Will and Jared now. Howard asked what he has to do to improve. Oksana told him to take off his glasses. Howard said he did that for Maria. He said he doesn't know how to do any better. Howard said he's got to fire Benjy for doing better than him. He said he can't believe he beat him.
Howard asked Maria how she could choose him over him. Maria said that she would change her answer then. Gary wanted to show her what he looks like when he gets there in the morning. They showed the picture of Benjy all sweaty and bald. Benjy was yelling ''No! No!'' before they put it up.
Howard wanted to move on to the second round. He said he hates Benjy now. Howard said he had to get the rose off the table because he's bringing the rose to the next girl. Gary said that's not going to help. Howard said he has to do whatever he can.
Mike Gange came in and said that Benjy was looking into Maria's eyes and he didn't take them off of her. Howard said he did too. Howard said he doesn't like Russian women anymore. Oksana said that he has a second chance now. Howard said he didn't want to play again.
They brought in the second contestant, Julia, and spent a minute talking to her. Robin told her that they have 5 men who are going to come in and talk to her for 90 seconds each. Then they were going to ask her who she would date out of the 5 men. Gary had Sal come in first.
Sal came in and told Julia that he baked her a cupcake. Julia said she likes chocolate. She said this one looked kind of soft though. Sal asked her if she had ever been to Bukakke bakery. She said she wanted to talk to him first. She said that in Russia they have a cemetery and they put sprinkles on them. Sal said he wanted to say that he would like to take her out and bake for her. He said he will keep this in mind and he hopes that they can get to know each other more. They ran out of time after that.
Gary then had Scott D. (Howard) come in. Howard came in and brought her a rose. She said that she liked that it was fresh. Howard said the other two guys who are waiting to meet her smell funny. He asked her how it was living in the states. She said she's just visiting for a short period. Howard asked if she has a boyfriend. She said she has a guy who likes her. Howard tried to speak Spanish to her but she didn't understand. Howard asked her some more questions about her boyfriend but they ran out of time. Julia was very chatty.
Gary then brought in Will Murray. Will came in and Julia said he looks like he just came in from the office. She said that it was sexy. She said she didn't know that he could have a beard like he had. Will said he's just dressed up for her today. Will asked where she lives. She said she's been there for a month but she's just visiting. Julia is actually living in the Dominican Republic. She said she works with baseball players and has her own league that she runs. Will asked her how she got involved with that but they ran out of time in the middle of the story.
Gary then brought in Jared. Jared came in and asked where she's from. She told him her story about visiting the states and where she lives. Jared shared some stories about visiting Australia and Julia used up all of her time just talking about herself. They ran out of time in the middle of one of her stories.
Gary interrupted and had everyone else come back in for Julia to pick from. Gary said that they were going to ask her who she would date if she had to pick one of the 4. Julia said this was tough to pick because of the short time they had. Julia said if she had to pick just one she would like to go out with all of them and try everything. Gary and Robin told her to pick one of the guys she just spoke to. Julia said she doesn't like small guys so she wants someone tall. She said she likes guys her size. The guys stood up and she went to each one and went to Howard since he's so tall. She just wouldn't pick. She kept talking and talking. They couldn't get an answer out of her. Julia said that she would like the tallest guy in the group if he would change his clothes. She picked Howard.
Howard said he would wear whatever she wanted him to wear. He asked her who number 2 would be. Julia said she had to look at them again. She said she might pick Sal and then Jared and then Will. Howard said this was a huge win for him. He told Julia that she's beautiful. He said he has to say that he just beat the best looking guy, Jared, and Will and Sal. He said that he loves Julia. He said that she loves him too. Howard said he did it.
Howard said Will came in dead last. He loves that. Julia said that was just the way she felt. Howard said he took his glasses off to connect with her too. He said he thinks that worked. Howard said that Julia is very good looking and he beat out all of the other guys in there because he connected with her. Howard said Will thought he was going to beat him. So did Jared. Julia said they all look nice. She said that she'd go out with all of them and have a nice time.
Howard asked Julia what she does for a living. She said that she is in the baseball business. Howard said he can't wait to brag. He bragged to Benjy. Howard said Julia looks like Demi Moore. He said he knows because he knows Demi Moore.
Robin said that Sal got into an argument with her from the start. Howard said that he came back so defeated thinking that she didn't like him. Howard said Julia made his life complete. He said she didn't know who he was and he still picked him over that good looking stud (Jared). Robin said that Sal did bring in the cupcake but the other people didn't bring in anything. Jared said he thinks that she wants to be showered with stuff. Julia said it doesn't have to be anything expensive. She said it was just nice that they brought her something. Howard said they though she was going to pick the good looking guy and not care about anything else. Julia said she's looking for a man of substance.
Sal kept telling Julia to stop talking. He said she was losing points the more she talked. He said she'll make her money at Rick's next week. Howard said he loves it and the rest of the guys have to bow down to him. Will said he thinks that she just went down the line and only picked Howard because he's tall. Howard told him not to talk to her like that again. Howard said that Will was first in line too and he has no personality so that's why he didn't get picked. Will said he had a great conversation with her about baseball. Will said that Howard was just bribing her. Howard told Will he has a horrible personality. Robin said she tried to tell him that too.
Howard told Julia how hot she looked again. He said she's a sexy woman. Howard said American women should all be like her. Howard told Benjy he beat Jared and Will. Benjy said he didn't beat him. Howard said the first round was a disaster.
Howard gave Oksana some more plugs for her web site and asked her how she thinks he did. Oksana said that Howard did very well. Sal was throwing dollar bills at Julia. Oksana said they can expect different girls next time. Howard said they're all jealous of him now that he won.
Howard was rubbing it in everyone's face that he had won. He told Mike Gange he hopes he picked up some hints on how to do it. Howard said goodbye to everyone and then went to break.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said that the dating thing was a home run. Howard said he was sweating in the second round. He said he thought he was going to lose again. He said that the second girl was very attractive and he figured that there was no way he was going to win. Howard said she didn't even look at him during the chat. He said he thought he was done for sure. Robin said she wasn't making eye contact with anyone. Howard said he remembers walking into the room in high school feeling the same way he did today. He said it took him right back. The caller said he beat everyone except for Benjy. Howard said that second girl was the girl to get. He said that you're up against Jared and Will and they don't even need a rap.
Howard said that guys who are odd like him can't just give up to the guys like Jared and Will. He said he knows that it's not so bad thanks to Julia. Howard said he did come in second to Benjy though. The caller said that Benjy was talking in a very soft voice and putting it on for her. Howard said Jared walked in trying to be sexy and that didn't work out for him. Howard said he wishes he had a smile like Jared.
Howard said Oksana says she has other women that she could bring in. He said she has MILFS, strippers or anyone else they want. She was asking how soon he wanted them in there. Howard said he wanted to wait at least a month. He said maybe he should go up against other famous guys. He said that they have to find women who they don't know though.
Howard said this was a big day for him today. He said that the first round really threw him off his game. He said that really rocked him. Howard said he got knocked down but he came back in the second round.
Another caller told Howard he really has game. Howard said that's the truth. He said the girl didn't even like his clothes. He said he might have to get a new stylist.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him he had no rap. He said that it's no wonder women want to talk to the brothers. Howard ended up calking him a fuckin asshole and hung up on him. He said he's called in before and he has never liked him. Howard told the guys to book that caller for the next round. He told Gary he wasn't kidding either.
Ralph called in and said that Will isn't that good looking. Howard said he is handsome. Howard said Jared is good looking. Ralph said that's true and he thinks that he can just walk into a room and pick up a woman. He said Jared is wrong about that. Ralph thinks that Howard won because of how tall he is. Howard said he almost lost because of his clothes and that's Ralph's fault.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she thought Benjy was really creepy. Howard said that girl didn't know what was going on. He said that they're forgetting that the girl Benjy won with was very short in stature. He said that she was tiny and they would look odd together. The caller said that Benjy sounded creepy and gave her the willies.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the flower thing and why Howard did that. Howard said he thought about it yesterday and he asked Gary to put the roses in his office. He went in to grab them and it turns out they had one on the table in the room the girls were in. He said they ruined it for him.
Robin said it was funny that Sal stole one of the cupcakes for Julia. Howard said Sal stole that idea from him. Gary said it backfired with him. Gary said Julia was fighting with everyone on the air. Gary said that rose wouldn't have helped Howard the first time either. He said he thinks that Ralph was right about him winning because of his height. Howard said he's going to quit now and retire. He said Gary can try to go find another job now. Howard goofed on Gary a little bit after that. He said he had a game plan and Gary didn't help him out. He said Gary fucked him over.
Howard said the first girl was very tiny and almost a dwarf. He said that could have to do with why she picked Benjy.
The caller on the line said that Robin was cutting in. Robin said she didn't say a word. She said she made one joke in the first one and that was it.
Another caller said that Howard is bad ass and he's smooth and slick. The guy said that Benjy is a troll. Benjy asked why he won then. The caller said he's just a little creepy. Howard said he is a troll but he did well with that girl.
Howard took a call from Ralph who was still on the dating thing. He said Will blew it with that chick because she was into baseball and he didn't talk to her enough about that.
Steve also had a story about how the Howard Stern crew were kicked out of the Emmy Awards party. The PR firm that ran it claims they were kicked out but Shuli said that didn't happen. Steve said they have an update on Hanzi as well.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They ended up talking more about the dating game for a couple of minutes.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Howard is hot. Howard said she has to tell everyone else around there that. The caller said that she gets wet when Howard talks. Howard said he hopes that she's sitting on a piece of plastic. Howard said they can all go home now. He said this is the best day of his life. Robin asked Jon if he wishes he had competed. Jon said he loved the look on Howard's face when he won. He said he looked so happy. Howard said that girl was cute too. Jon got back to his show rundown. Benjy is going to be returning to the show too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was cheering for him when the second girl picked him. He said Gary was a bad host too. He said he was sitting there like a lump of wood or something. Another caller said this bit raises more questions about Benjy. He said that Howard and Benjy have game but how is JD banging a stripper. Howard said they must have something to talk about. The caller said that Ronnie has no game either. Howard said he missed it all. He couldn't hear what was going on during that segment. Robin told Howard what Ronnie did and how he grabbed the girl's hand and she pulled back. Howard said Gary does a good job on the Wrap Up Show. He said he didn't hear him doing the dating segment though. Gary said he was bummed that Robin thought he wasn't a good host.
Howard played some clips of Ronnie talking to some girls out in Las Vegas and goofed on him a bit. Ronnie asked him what the fuck that was about. Ronnie said he doesn't care he lost to Scott. He said he knew that Scott had a rap. Ronnie said the other guys were just yakking away with the girl. He said he doesn't know what Howard's problem is. Ronnie said he really doesn't care but Howard said he sounds very defensive. Ronnie said he doesn't care that the other guys beat him. He's thrilled that JD beat him. He said he's got 20 years on him.
Howard told Ronnie he can't just grab someone's hand. Ronnie said he didn't grab it. He said she was like a little deer in there. He said he did move his chair over to her. Ronnie said he has no problem with any of it. He said he's not hurt or anything like that either. Ronnie said they were making fun of him out in the hall and that's just not cool.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if the girls were offended by the smell of Ben Gay on Ronnie. Howard asked Ronnie who the worst was to lose to. Ronnie said someone has to lose. He said someone has to come in second, third and fourth. Ronnie said he thought he'd go in and do what he does and whatever happens, happens. Howard said JD beat him. Ronnie said he knows. He said he doesn't know what happened.
Howard had the audio of Ronnie's rap so he played the clip. The Howard TV guys showed the video along with it. Ronnie said he just put his hand out to her, he didn't grab it. Benjy laughed at some of Ronnie's questions about what she likes to do and what she likes to drink.
Howard had to play Scott the Engineer's dating thing too. Howard said he sounded like a vomit in that clip. Robin said it was more like an interrogation than dating questions.
Howard said they had pictures in the Daily News about the world's smallest man. Robin said that was her next story. Howard said the guy is smaller than a salami. Robin said he's only 27 inches tall and he's only 10 pounds. Howard said he's like 17 years old. Robin said he's older than that. She thought he was 18. Robin read the story about him and how the previous smallest man died in March. Robin said this guy says being small does have draw backs because people pick him up and carry him around. Robin said there's another guy in Nepal that's only 22 inches tall and he turns 18 next month so he will inherit the title of world's smallest man.
Robin read some news about some coyote attacks in Rye, New York. Robin said that it was attacking people. They think they killed the coyote. Robin said they will smell food and come over when they smell something. Robin said one guy's daughter was about to be attacked when the guy grabbed her. The coyote then bit the guy. Howard said they caught one in Central Park not too long ago. He said they can be good cleaning up some of the other vermin in the park. Robin said there were some other people who were attacked by one guy was able to scare it off when he hit it on the head with a stick. They went to break a short time later.
After the break we heard a prank call Richard made to a talk show about pre-marital sex. Fred also played some Jimi Hendrix ''Foxy Lady'' as they came back.
Howard came back and had Robin get to some more news. Robin read a story about how many campus assault victims remain quiet and don't get help. She said that 1 in 4 college women will be raped before they graduate. Robin said that's crazy. She read the details of the study and they say that college campuses are very dangerous for women. Howard said that's why he doesn't go on campus. Robin said it continues because the women don't come forward.
Robin read another story about how college kids are susceptible to weight gain. She said they can gain 15 pounds in the first year of school. She had some audio of a women talking about why that is.
Robin read a story about a bomb threat that was found in the bathroom of a plane. Robin said it was scrawled on the bathroom wall. They don't know who did it. Robin said they put everyone through a screening after the note was found. Robin said she had 3 passport checks on her flight on the way home. She said that's when you remember Osama bin Laden and his threat of terrorism.
Robin read about Sean Penn being in a fight with Wyclef Jean. Howard got a laugh out of the way Robin says ''Jean'' with the French pronunciation. Robin said that's the right way to say it. Robin read the details about why the two are in this little spat. Jean apparently accused Sean Penn of using cocaine and Penn is denying his claims.
Robin read about the ground zero mosque problems and how that's led to nothing but trouble. Robin said this guy who wants to burn the Quran has caused people to get upset. Howard said he doesn't get why anyone cares about what other people are up to and why they have to protest in these ways. Robin read about some of the people who are upset about the situation.
Robin read about the 9/11 anniversary coming up and how they're still building the memorial down at ground zero. Robin had some audio of Governor Patterson and Mayor Bloomberg talking about the memorial and the new buildings they're building down there. Howard said they could end up trying to blow up those buildings too. He said the whole thing is weird.
Robin read about a team of NASA experts who were down in Chile where they're trying to figure out how to keep the miners who are trapped, alive for a few more months before they can get them out. Robin had some audio of some people talking about what they're doing to help. There were people talking about the way the miners are dealing with things down there. Robin said you have to wonder what they're doing with waste products and stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the staff impression contest and if they're going to consider people like Sour Shoes. Howard said they will consider everything.
Robin read about the upcoming November elections and had some audio of some people talking about how it seems to be swinging toward the republicans now. Howard said there's a pattern here and we just keep swinging back and forth. It's not a surprise.
Robin read about the upcoming Rosh Hashanah holiday. Howard took a call from a guy who said he fired off a letter to Ebony magazine saying that bringing up Robin's race is about as relevant in the 21st century as their magazine is in the 21st century. Howard said he bets they didn't print that letter. The caller said of course they didn't.
Robin read some football news. She had some Jersey Shore news too. She had a story about Snookie getting arrested back in July and she said in court that she's too good looking to be in jail. Howard said he's not sure she's that good looking.
Robin read a story about Barbara Walters going back to work. She had some surgery and now she's back to work. Robin had some audio of Barbara talking about how she's doing. She sounded fine on The View. Robin said they had a montage of celebrity greetings welcoming her back to the show. Howard said Letterman was on the show and it was a big deal because he never appears anywhere. Howard said he's a good guest though so it was a good interview. Robin had a clip of Barbara talking about how her scar was barely visible at this point. Howard said he thinks that Whoopi Goldberg had said that her mother had just died recently.
Robin had some Tiger Woods news and audio clips so Howard played those. Howard said talking about golf is just as boring as golf. They wrapped up and ended the show around 11:00am.
Jon went through some more stuff he wanted to cover and mentioned the Fred and Brent thing. Gary said Brent already lost to Fred in some kind of competition but the didn't even remember it.
Benjy showed up and this was the first time he was back on the show in 3 months. They even had a song parody for him. Jon didn't know what that was. Gary said that Tim said he would produce the jingle but he hadn't heard it before. They replayed it but no one seemed impressed.
Jon asked Benjy what he's been doing over the past 3 months. Benjy said nothing has changed that much. He said he has been crying a lot lately about life stuff. He said he's worrying about things. He said he thinks about death and stuff like that. He also revealed that he's dating on a regular basis. He wasn't giving any direct answers though. Jon said he misses him on the show because of that.
Jon moved on to talk about Benjy's big victory today. He said that he did well in the dating thing. Jon asked Gary who he thought would win that round. Gary said he didn't really think about it. He said that Benjy does have game but he really didn't think much about it. He said he thought Ronnie would do better than he did in his round.
Jon said it seems that JD cares about what happens. JD said he does. He said he thought that Ronnie's technique was interesting. He said he does like to get close. JD said Sal was making Howard laugh back in the green room. He was more busy with that than trying to get the date.
Benjy said he thought he didn't do so well with his 90 seconds. He said that he was sure he wasn't going to win. Gary said that he liked how Oksana said he wasn't bad compared to Russian men. They hadn't even said anything about Benjy to prompt her to say that.
Gary tried to explain what happened with the roses. He said he thought he left it out where Howard could see it. Steve Brandano said he didn't see it either and he didn't think they were flowers. Steve said he can see how Howard couldn't find them because it was very inconspicuous.
Jon asked Gary what he thought about Howard's rap. Gary said he thought it was really good. He thought for sure that he was going to win. He said he was looking at ''Howard'' and not just at some guy.
Jon said that Scott was looking good today but he may not have lived up to the hype. JD said that everyone's rap was good and he may have done better with the second girl because she talked more than the first one.
Gary said he thinks that 90 seconds may have been 30 too long. He wasn't sure about that though. Gary said that you do ask people where they're from and stuff like that when you meet them. The guys talked about how the other guys did with their 90 seconds too.
Benjy said he thinks that this whole thing might have made him look better in Howard's eyes. He said that Ronnie had asked him during the show why he was laughing when Howard replayed his clip. He said he thinks Ronnie came off kind of nervous to him. He said he never comes off nervous. Gary said he thinks that he was trying to be charming.
Gary said Robin was insulting Sal about his cupcake and Sal looked at him like he was about to say something. He said that Sal calmed down and said some nice stuff to him. Gary said she really gave him a hard time about the cupcake he gave her. Then Howard came in with the one rose and she was making fun of that. He said Jared came in and he didn't kiss her and she gave him a hard time about that. She was also goofing on Will about what he was wearing.
Ronnie was saying that someone had to finish last so it's not that big of a deal to him. Ronnie said he has no problem with girls so he doesn't care about this whole thing. Ronnie said Robin is over the hill just like him so he doesn't get what her problem is with her. He said he's picking up girls and he's happy. He has a 27 year old girlfriend. Ronnie said he wouldn't change a thing in the contest.
Ronnie said he did everything he wanted to do and the girl took his hand, he didn't grab her. Ronnie said he stuck his hand out and she took it. Benjy said that Ronnie pulled his hand away from her and she wasn't the one who pulled away from him. He said that was kind of shocking.
Jon asked if Howard is really okay losing to Benjy. Ronnie said Howard likes to win so he's not happy about it. He said he thinks he's disappointed that he didn't win.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it was like Robin took Howard's role when Howard was out of the studio and Gary took Robin's role. Gary said he was trying to run the board so Robin was helping him out. Gary said that he just did that until Howard could come in and be the host again.
Another caller asked about the Artie thing and if they're going to have him in. Gary said they're working on it. The caller said he hopes Artie comes in.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he thinks Benjy won because he was younger. The girl said that Howard was an older man even though he was very nice. Jon and Gary said that JD was in there too. The caller said that JD is JD though. The caller thinks that Benjy was able to fool the girl and she wasn't as wowed by him as much as she was with Howard. She just wanted a younger guy.
Benjy said he thinks that he's good at connecting to people one on one. He said he may not have done that great but he still won.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if any of the guys in there think that Ronnie is in loser denial. Ronnie said he was but he was saying that in his sarcastic voice. The caller said that the chicks aren't into Ronnie, they like the camera and everything that surrounds him. Ronnie said he should come hang out with him and see who can pick up who. The guy called him a loser so Ronnie asked him what he does. The caller said he does chicks. Ronnie figured he didn't have a job. Ronnie said that he's there and this caller isn't so he's doing just fine. He said he can be as tough as he wants on the phone.
Another caller said Ronnie had a great line when he asked the girl if she likes fast cars. He asked if he's Leader of the Pack or something. The guy was laughing at Ronnie saying that he's powerless with the girls without the show. Ronnie said he found him out. The guy said that was one of the worst lines he's ever heard. Ronnie said he'd love to see what these guys look like. Gary said this was Gregg Karmel from Howard TV. Ronnie said he can fuck himself in the ass.
Jon said he thought that Will and Jared got beat up across the board today. He said Howard and Robin were hitting them hard and they both came up empty. Jon said that the second girl was saying it was all about height for her so they lost out on that.
Jared came in and said that he had an uphill battle. He said that the girl was wondering about the kiss right from the start. He said it was a tough thing for him. Will was also in and saying that he had a tough time with that girl too. He said she was busting everyone's balls from the start. Sal said he comes off really uptight. He said he has to take it easy and just relax.
Will asked Sal if he really thinks he has no personality. Sal said he does. He said that Will needs to chill out and have a nice aura about him. He said he just rubs people the wrong way. He comes across as a grumpy old man. Will said that Sal was all shaky before he went in and he was looking around for free shit out in the halls.
Gary asked Sal how close he was to saying something to Julia about her insulting him. Sal said that the C-word was on the tip of his tongue. He said she was giving him a hard time about the cupcake and he had to internalize the whole thing so he wouldn't say anything to her. He said he thought about a chain saw to her neck and that calmed him down.
Sal said he didn't think that he had clicked with that chick at all. He said he felt like she didn't even look at him after her initial look. He said that she didn't look at Howard either but she did look at Will while she was talking to him. They thought she was going to go for just looks.
Jared said he thought Sal was going to come in last. He said he didn't think he would have any ability to charm her at all. Benjy said he thought Sal was going to win. The guys said that Sal has the ability to fool people and he can charm people when he wants to.
Gary asked Sal what joke he was trying to crowbar in at the end of the segment. Sal said he was trying to see what she sounds like when she talks because the strippers all sound Russian. Gary said Sal kept trying to get the joke in even though Howard didn't want it. Sal was throwing money at her too. Jared said he threw dollar bills at her 3 times. Sal said she'll get it in about a month when she's working in a strip club. He said she will be up there doing that soon. Gary said Howard didn't want him insulting this girl and she wasn't there to be part of his little roast.
Sal still didn't get that he was going to insult the girl. He said that's just where he thinks the girls will end up. Gary said he wanted to know if he got that Howard didn't want him insulting the girls. Jon said he still had his blinders on and didn't get it. He still wanted to tell that joke.
The guys talked about how Julia kept trying to give them an answer about who she'd pick out of the four guys they had in there. She was more interested in talking about the kind of man she was looking for. Jared said she was going for the height thing. Will said the thing that bothered him was that Robin said it was all based on personality. Meanwhile the girl didn't stop talking and they were barely able to talk to her.
Sal said that if Howard was a dick that girl wouldn't have picked him. He said it wasn't all based on height. They had to go to break after that.
Another caller said that Howard is an excellent conversationalist. He thought he was going to win it. The guy said that Benjy does have a good rap and he can get chicks. He thinks that Jared had a disadvantage because the girl thought that he thought his shit didn't stink or something. Jared said she did say something about that and she was putting them all in their place. Benjy said she may have been testing them by doing that. Jared said she knew she wasn't going to be dating anyone so she had her shot at them.
Ralph said that the second girl was awful. He said that he wouldn't want to go out with her because she was so annoying. He said he'd know that within seconds of doing a dating thing with her. Gary said Ralph would be interested in her based on her looks. Ralph said she sounded like a pain in the ass and he wouldn't date her. Gary said there are many girls who are like that but they can be good dates. Ralph said he'd just walk away from a girl like that in a bar.
Jared said he had good rap and he's not sure why they're saying he didn't have a good rap. He said he talked to her about scuba diving. Ralph said that he's not sure why it was bad but it was a bad rap. Ralph also said that he has to agree with the other caller who said that Howard had a clear advantage going into the competition because he did it twice.
Ralph said that Will's personality also sucked. Will said the girl didn't care about him and she was just talking about herself. He said she was saying that she's into baseball but it didn't sound like she really was. Ralph said maybe she was really a hooker.
Howard Stern called in and said he was listening to Ralph and he didn't see the girl. If he had seen her he wouldn't have been as annoyed. He said that Ralph will sit with girls all night until he wears them down. He so hangs in there and doesn't get annoyed. Gary said he will go past that first 90 seconds no matter what if the girl is hot. Howard said for him to say he'd walk away is just wrong. Howard said he puts all night and day in and he's seen him do it.
Jon asked Howard if he had an unfair advantage going twice. Howard said he was rocked after the first one so he was thrown off his game. He said there was no advantage there. Howard said he wouldn't have done anything differently there.
Ralph was back on the phone saying Howard did have an advantage. Howard went off on Ralph talking about how he spends a ton of time with girls until he wears them down. Ralph said that when Sal was talking to that girl she was giving him a hard time and it was an uphill battle. Howard said Ralph would have hung in there with her. Ralph said he's not sure about that. He'd have to see her.
Ralph said that you have to have a rap or be tall to get a chick. He said that it's not always about looks. Will was still upset about his loss so Sal was rubbing it in with him. Will was calling Sal an idiot and Sal was fighting back. Will said if he lost to Sal in the IQ test he'd probably put a bullet in his head. Sal said they should mess with the numbers so he actually does it. Ralph and Will went at it too.
Robin came in around that time and they were supposed to be ending the show. They talked to her about what she had said about Howard winning for his personality. Robin said that if Will or Jared had won they would have said it was for their looks. She said that guys should stay in the game and not give up so easily. She said that it's not always about looks.
Jon asked if Howard is going to gloat over this for a longtime. Robin said she's pretty sure he will. They spent a few more minutes talking about that. They were going overtime with the show too. Jon said they only had a minute left but it was 12:02 already. Sal said they had fun in the green room during the game. He said Howard was goofing on Gary in the green room while it was going on. They wrapped up and ended the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how Ferrall shit his pants on the air last night. He said he went to fart and he sharted instead. Howard said it was pretty funny. He had some audio of Ferrall talking about it on the show last night.
In the clip Ferrall came back from break and said he shit his pants. He said he had to change because he had shit stains in his pants. Another guy in the studio was gagging when he saw it. Howard said this is why he doesn't share his studio with anyone. Ferrall was laughing his ass off about shitting his pants. He said he had no control. Ferrall said he got in at about 7:40 and John Hunnerlach asked what his problem was. Ferrall said he had the worst diarrhea that he could imagine. Then he said he had to go to the bathroom and had a shart instead of the fart he thought he had. He said he shit his pants and it went through the underwear and through the cargo shorts he had on.
Howard said Gary heard that Ferrall was going off on him about writing a book before he wrote a book. Gary said they didn't have that audio clip. Howard said Ferrall is jealous of Gary writing that book. He did an impression of Ferrall talking about that. Robin said that impression is actually pretty good.
Howard said no one wants to go see an older, heavy set person singing. He said they have to have a look too. He said she's already past that time when she could become a star and then get fat like Aretha Franklin. Howard said there's a young girl on there who says all the right things. Then there's this guy Prince Poppycock character who sings and he's not sure he'd pay to see him in Las Vegas. Howard said they have a guy who is very soulful like Joe Cocker too.
Howard said Beth is in love with that Prince Poppycock guy too. Howard said he loves Piers Morgan as a judge. Howard said Piers is replacing Larry King too. He said that's pretty interesting that they're giving it to a Brit. That led to him talking about illegal immigration for a minute.
Howard said that he lost in the first round to Benjy and that was legitimate to Steve. Howard said that they were just trying to take away his win. He said they're a bunch of sore losers there. Howard said those girls didn't know who he was and they may not have even known they were on the radio. Howard said these guys think that when Benjy won that was legitimate and when Howard Stern won, that was a fluke.
Howard said Will was a baby on the Wrap Up Show too. Howard said he got annoyed with that shithead Ralph yesterday. He called into the Wrap Up Show because Ralph was being such a dick. He said Ralph was saying that he wouldn't spend 2 seconds with that annoying chick. Howard said he will sit with the most annoying, obnoxious women for hours at clubs. Howard said he's the one who won't put up with any nonsense, not Ralph. Howard said Ralph is the person he was accusing him of being. Meanwhile he'd give up his whole evening for someone like that girl. Howard said everyone is being so obnoxious.
Howard said he's 56 and he schooled a bunch of guys who are in their 30s. Howard said he loves that girl for picking him. He told everyone to screw off. Howard said there were no pictures of him hanging around the halls there. Howard said they hid them all so the girls wouldn't see it. Howard said Steve is probably parting the hairs on his labia today.
Steve came into the studio and said he had to talk for 40 minutes about something and that was just speculation. Howard said they didn't say that. Steve said they did. Howard said he was taking away his win and he was wondering what that was. Howard told Steve that he'd be sucking that girl's clit if he could. Steve said she was hot. Howard said he just met the girl 3 seconds before and she wasn't going to be all over him.
Howard explained his win and told Steve that he'd come in dead last if he was in one of those competitions. Howard said these guys can't stand that he won. Fred said that they really are jealous. Howard told Steve that he's really jealous and he should go to a psychiatrist. Howard said he needs help.
Steve said when Benjy won the girl had good reasons for picking him. The girl that picked Howard just picked him because he was tall. Howard said that's not true and she had other things to say about him.
Fred said that everyone forgets that Howard had to be charming to get where he's at in the business. Howard said Steve is such a little douche. He said he put the thought in the audience's head that it was fixed or something. Howard said they didn't fix it and they went through a lot to make sure the girls didn't know who he was.
Howard said they can talk about how ugly he is all they want on that show. He said the thing he doesn't like is that they were saying that he fixed that contest. He said he never fixes anything on the show. Howard said he heard that annoying Boston accent and he was bad mouthing him on the show. Howard said he would never fix a contest. He said that would be so lame. He said that's like him being accused of reading the National Enquirer before the Gossip Game. He said he doesn't do that.
Howard said he is going to have Steve in the next round of this pick-up contest thing. He said they'll see how bad Steve does in that.
Steve said he still thinks that Howard won because he was tall. Howard said that's part of his physical appearance. Robin said if someone has an obvious advantage, the only thing the person can do to screw it up is say the wrong thing. Howard said he didn't win just because he's tall. The girl said that she likes tall guys but she was saying she liked him for other reasons as well. Steve said the girl was weird. He said she wouldn't shut up.
Howard said he'd like to see Steve go to Russia and make it over there. He said he could never survive over there. Steve said he's right.
Howard said Steve just hates him. Steve said that's not true. Howard said he was taking away his win and that shows he hates him and he's jealous. Howard said he took second in one contest and won the second. He thinks he did pretty good.
Howard said they make him out to be some kind of troll. He said Benjy is the troll. Howard said they say he got Beth because he's Howard Stern. He said it's not just that. It's the whole package. Howard said he was so mad driving back home. He heard all of this going on and it just wasn't right.
Howard said Steve should be verifying that they never put on anything fake there. He said he just wasn't doing that. He said he had a terrible night because of that. Then he had to see the magician not getting in on America's Got Talent. Then his mom was guilt tripping him.
Howard said he's not even sure what a Mezuzah is for. He said he thinks he has one on his door because they bought the apartment from a Jewish guy. He said he has this religious paranoia built into him with these Jewish Holidays. He said the whole concept is that God is looking down on everyone right now writing down what everyone is doing. He said he's busy chiseling into these tablets evaluating everyone. Howard said he figures with all of the crap he's done, it's too late. He said he hasn't been a great person.
Howard said he used to go to religious training when he was growing up. He said he had tremendous brain washing as a kid. He said if he stayed home then God would see he wasn't being disrespectful. He said he would have rather have been home today but he came to work. Howard said his alarm went off this morning and woke him up at 4. He said he could set up his Sony Dash radio to play music but he hasn't done that. The radio is actually kind of cool. He said it's so much more but he doesn't know how to use it. He doesn't have the time to learn how to use all of this stuff.
Howard said everyone showed up for work today other than Ross Zapin. He said Ross is apparently Mr. Jew. He said he does go to temple so he's okay with that. He said some guys just take the day off and don't go to temple.
Howard said he's not sure why they have to have their own year. He said for people who started out before Christ, they're not doing so well. He said you'd think they'd be the majority. Howard said he's not into that whole temple thing but he does feel guilty for not taking the day off. Howard said he has that guilt built into him from being brainwashed as a kid.
Howard said Beth's family is really religious too. He said that her mom has the Rosary beads and the holy water and all of that.
Howard said he has a new cat. He said they're fostering it. He said that happened yesterday. He hasn't even met the cat yet. Robin said he was saying it was a bother to him and he didn't want it. Howard said he just found out that it's year 5771 in the Jewish calendar. He said he should write that on his checks. Robin said he should try that. Howard said it's no wonder the Arabs go so nuts. He wondered when we're all just going to get along.
Howard said he and his mom talked about other people and ripped them apart. He said he didn't want to say who they were but they were ripping into them. He said he and his mom were very close when he was growing up and they would bond over this stuff. Howard said his mom would go off on people that he'd bring up. He did his impression of his mom talking to him about people he'd mention. He said she'd fill him in on all of the details about what's wrong with these people. Howard said he'd change his tune and he'd hate the person when she was done going off on them.
Howard said he'd bring up a name and his mom would tell him that the person was a phony. Howard did more of his impression and had a conversation with his mom about different women they've talked about in the past. He said his mom would point out that fat women weren't responsible and things like that. Howard said he'd say he liked some woman and his mom would always find something wrong with that person.
Howard said his mom doesn't like anything German made in the house so she'd tell him that they threw things out if they found out they were made in Germany. Howard said his mom would tell him about the Holocaust and tell him how bad the world is. He said she'd tell him about Grandma Rose and what he had to go through as a kid. Howard said his aunt hid in a barn in Germany and survived. Howard said this is why he won't get on a plane and fly to Europe. Robin said she gets that now. She mentioned going to Germany and Howard freaked out. Howard said this is where he got all of that fear from. It was his mother.
Howard said his mom was also making it seem that she was the best mom in the world. She was pointing out how bad all of these other mom's were. Howard said he used to like the other mom's but then his own mom would say that they were not good mothers. He said that was making her better in his eyes.
Howard did more of his mother's voice and had her telling him to dress up nicely and wear nice Levi slacks. He said he looked like Tiny Tim in high school wearing what his mom wanted him to wear. He said he cried a lot back then. He was a 6'2'' tall crybaby.
Howard said his mom hated all of his friends too. He said she'd tell him what was wrong with all of them. Robin said maybe this is why he can't make close friends now. Howard said it could be. Howard said his mom would tell him how awful these people were. He said that she would tell him that she would be his only friend. Howard said she grew up terribly and had a tough life. He said he knew it because she'd tell him about how awful it was.
Howard did his impression of his mom telling him how awful her life was growing up. He had her telling him how she only had one pair of underpants and things like that. Then his dad would come home and tell him about the depression. He said he'd fill him in on how he had to bury his money and things like that. He did his impression of his dad too. Howard said he would fill him in on the lack of clothes and things like that because they didn't have any money. Howard said he wasn't allowed to have a problem. He said he'd complain about something and his dad would tell him about the depression.
Howard said it was always about them and never about him. Howard said they finally moved out of Roosevelt and then blamed him for not being able to take it. He said all of his friends moved away and his parents told him that they were no friends if they weren't calling him to invite him over. Howard said he'd say he liked then and his mom would pick them apart. Howard said they didn't want to visit because he lived in hell. He said he just wanted to live in Jericho where the other white kids lived. He said now they all want to be his friend. He said they weren't around when he was stuck in Roosevelt. Howard said his mom would tell him that to make sure he knew how bad they were. Howard said he's so fucked up that he doesn't know what to think.
Howard played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a heating and cooling place using clips of him doing impressions of his parents complaining about the cold at their house.
Howard said he checked in on his mom last night. He said that he had a bad night last night with the whole Brandano thing on the Intern Show. He said his mom guilt tripped him about Rosh Hashanah after that. He said it just wasn't a good night.
Robin said that she knew that the IQ test would make Howard nuts if he had taken that. Howard said he couldn't take it because he would lose it if he didn't do well. He said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back in the middle of a conversation with JD and Gary. Gary was telling Howard about something in the news. Howard said the guys were freaking out about something but he didn't want to get into it since he had to do a commercial. Fred said he was done with the commercials. Howard said he didn't know that.
Howard said Ferrall was going off the deep end about his book. Howard said Ferrall is angry that Gary is writing a book. He thinks he feels neglected. Howard said Ferrall thinks he could get a book deal if he wanted to though.
Howard said Ferrall had the guy who co-authored Gary's book on his show and he was talking to him about working with Gary. Howard played the audio and Ferrall was saying that Gary is on this magic carpet ride in his life and he's living in a mansion now. Ferrall said Gary must understand where that all comes from. Ferrall says that all comes from Howard. Ferrall said he has been offered book deals but he won't do them because he doesn't think that anyone will read it. Ferrall said he's been doing radio longer than Howard and he's been syndicated his whole career. Ferrall said that no one ever says anything about him like they do with Howard. He said he doesn't get any respect for what he's done over the years. Ferrall said he's had the FCC after him his whole career too.
Howard said Ferrall sounds like he's having a bitter attack. He played some more of the clip where Ferrall was talking about the offers he's had to do a book and he won't do them. He said he isn't one who thinks that radio guys should write books. Howard said he doesn't know what's up with Ferrall but he has a problem with the book. Howard said he has a problem with the book too but he's not sure why Ferrall does.
Howard ended up talking about Gary and Mary's wedding and how tall she was. Howard said she towered over Gary at the wedding. Gary said she was in heels that day too. He said that she asked if it was okay to wear them and he said it was fine. Howard said Gary looked like a chimpanzee in that suit he had on. Howard said Mary was all elegant and Gary looked like a chimp.
Howard said it drives him crazy when he sees Gary pecking on his keyboard with just two fingers. He told him to learn to type.
Howard said Gary wrote about how he met Mary in his book. He said he read through that stuff in the rough draft he read. Howard did his impression of Gary talking about his dating life and how he fell in love with Mary. Howard said Robin is going to love this book.
Howard said that Ferrall was going off on him too. He said that he loves the guy but he had never heard of him before they moved to satellite. Howard said Ferrall thinks that he had to have heard of him before then. Howard said he really never did. He hates to upset Ferrall with that but he didn't hear about him until Steve Kingston told him about Ferrall. Howard said Steve told him about Ferrall's problems and that he was available. Howard said Kingston was going to get him tape of the guy. When he finally heard it, he liked the guy and thought he'd be good there. Howard said he had to talk to Tim and a bunch of other guys about hiring him. He said Ferrall thinks he's lying about that but he really never heard of the guy. Howard said he has no reason to lie about that.
Howard said he doesn't know a lot of radio people. He said that he had never heard of Imus before he went to WNBC. He said his dad sent him some tapes but before that he had never heard of him.
Howard played a clip where Ferrall claims that he was on every station that Howard was on around the country. Howard wondered if that was true. He said he really never heard of the guy. Ferrall was going off on Howard saying that he had to know him. He said he knew exactly who he was. Ferrall said he couldn't have not known who he was.
Gary said that he thinks Ferrall was on KLSX when they were on. Gary said he knew about Ferrall because he'd listen to him on overnight's. Howard said he has no reason to deny knowing the guy. He said he really didn't know who he was.
Howard played another clip where Ferrall said that he has nothing to do with Howard, ever, at all. He said it's the greatest honor to have been hired there but he never has anything to do with the show. Howard said he has to call Ferrall and talk him down. He said he barely gets together with Robin. Howard said the best thing he can do for people is to give them a show or work alongside them. He said he has a hard time doing anything because he's nuts. He said that Ferrall is a nice guy and he would never torture him by saying that he didn't know him. He said he swears on the life of his kids that he didn't know him before they moved there. Howard said he loves Ferrall. He said the greatest honor to bestow on someone is to give them a show there. He said that's why he gave Ferrall a show.
Howard had Ferrall on the phone so he asked him what was going on. Ferrall said that Steve just called him. Howard said he didn't want to do that. Gary said that Will probably told Brandano to call. Howard told Ferrall he didn't mean to wake him up. Howard asked how this Steve Brandano is in his life.
Howard explained to Ferrall why he was calling and said that he agrees with Ferrall about how he doesn't know who is going to read Gary's book. Ferrall said the guy who helped Gary out is a great writer and he has put out some great stuff. He said he can't believe that he wrote a book about FaFa Flowage.
Howard told Ferrall that he has such respect for him and he enjoys him. He said he respects his story and all of that but he would never torture him by saying he didn't know him for 28 years. Howard said he doesn't know anyone in the business. He said he swears on the life of his kids that he really didn't know him until Steve Kingston told him about him. Howard explained how he got to know about him and then Ferrall said that he was on Westwood One and he was working on WFAN in New York and making a lot of noise there. Howard said he heard about that but it wasn't at the time. He said Steve Kingston was the one who told him about him.
Howard said he doesn't get why it's so important to have known about him before that. Ferrall said he was hired in 250 markets and Mel was the one who hired him to do that. He said that they were going to make the show out to be one from New York but he'd be living in Los Angeles. He said he was on a lot of the stations that Howard was on too. He said he was on the same stations at night that Howard was on in the mornings. Ferrall said that he knows Howard was up at 4 in the morning and he wasn't into sports. He said he figured he'd hear something about him but he wouldn't sit around worrying about him. Howard said he finds it odd that he didn't know about him before then.
Ferrall said that Mel fired him 3 times and hired him 4 so he's got one up on Howard. Ferrall said he's out of control. Howard said he knows that. He said that's what he was told about Ferrall. He said he wondered if he could handle the job there and it turns out he could.
Howard said he wanted to tell Ferrall why he doesn't hang out with him. Howard said he's an emotional wreck. Howard said he needs a team of shrinks. He said he doesn't hang out with anyone on the show. He sees Robin and Fred once in a while but not that much. He said he hangs out with his wife and a couple of pets. Ferrall said he doesn't either. Howard told him the highest compliment he could give him is given him a show on his channel. Ferrall said he knows that. He said he was walking around Times Square one night and thinking about all of the shows they have going on there. He said he never asks for anything there and he always said to himself that his work is all that matters to him.
Howard said Ferrall is also worried about this book thing. He said that he was upset with Gary having a book and that he could have his own book deal but then he'd say that he didn't want a book deal. Ferrall said he likes Gary and he wouldn't have had the guy on the show last night to talk about it if he didn't like Gary. Ferrall said he just doesn't think that anyone would want to read anything he wrote himself. Ferrall said the only book that ever mattered was Howard's book. He said most of these people are just tools.
Ferrall said that he was asked about Benjy and he has only spoken to him like one time in 6 years. He said the guy is fine but he doesn't really know him.
Ferrall told Howard about his shart last night and how he has had 3 fistula surgeries. Howard said he has to stop pushing so hard when he's shitting. Ferrall said that was the funniest hour of radio last night. He said he felt that fart coming on and he thought he had saved it but he let it fly. He said he thought he had saved it and went back to the studio. He said 30 minutes later is when he found out that he hadn't. Howard told him to stop pushing so hard. Howard told him that he should go back to bed now and rest up for his show tonight.
Howard let Ferrall go and said he's glad they cleared that up. Howard said he didn't want to wake the guy up though.
Howard said Bubba was like Ferrall when he said he had to have known how he was before he met him. Howard said he really didn't know Bubba until like 6 or 7 years ago when he came to WCCC to replace Dee Snider. Howard said Bubba insisted that he had to have known who he was. Howard said he really didn't and Bubba didn't believe him. Howard said there was no reason to lie about that and he doesn't know why he didn't believe him.
Tim came in and said that he told Ferrall that if he ever hears Howard talking about him then he should feel free to call in. He said he never said it was okay to call Ferrall and wake him up. Gary said that's not what the guys out there are saying.
Jason came in and said that on four occasions Tim said that they have to call him if they hear Howard talking about him. Tim said that he does want to know when Howard is talking about him. Howard said that Tim has to stop with that. He said he just can't win around there.
Tim said he would like Ferrall to know when he's being talked about so he can participate. Howard told him no. He said that he doesn't want them calling the guy and waking him up. Howard said he wants things to happen organically around there. He doesn't want them set up. Howard said Gary is the one in charge. He said Tim doesn't run the show. Howard said Gary should be the one who is in charge of things like that. Howard asked Gary if he has ever fired anyone while he's been working with him. Gary said he's not allowed to fire anyone. He said he actually did fire one guy and he's pretty sure the guy slit his tires after that.
Howard said Steve Brandano is an intern and he's calling and waking Ferrall up. Gary laughed because Steve is hurt when they call him an intern. He hasn't been an intern there for years.
Howard played more of the audio of Steve talking about the situation and how confused he was about why she picked Howard. Howard said it was very simple. He was yelling at Steve saying there was no controversy. He told Steve to get the fuck out of there. He called him a fuckin' bitch for not understanding it. Howard told him to get back in there after he left. Steve said he was just trying to do what was right.
Howard played more of the audio and another intern was agreeing with Steve and saying that she may have known who Howard was. Howard said they took down all of his pictures to make sure they didn't know who he was. Steve said they did have a picture of him up in the room they were in. Howard said they put that up after the contest. He told Steve to get out again. He also told Steve not to call Scott Ferrall and wake him up again. Steve said he was told by Tim and Scott to do that. Howard said everyone is going rogue around there. He said that none of the interns over at Letterman's show are calling guests to get them on the show.
Howard said Steve is an intern. He asked if he's paid to work there. Steve said he has been getting paid for 5 years. He said he was hired and he gets health benefits. He said he helps out on the show and he helps Will out with a lot of stuff. He said he does stuff for Howard and for the channels. Robin knew he was getting paid. Howard didn't.
Howard played some audio of Jerry Lewis talking about how he was 9 and he wanted everyone to know him some day. Howard said no one else would talk about themselves like that. He said the guy is so taken with himself. Jerry then goes on to talk about how great it is to be known as a celebrity and how he felt the same way at 82 as he did at 9. Howard said he understands that. He played more of the audio and said that Jerry has the fake teeth going on so he's having trouble speaking. He was goofing on the way Jerry was talking about himself and how he tells fans that it's the little kid in them saying they grew up on his movies.
Howard said that he never tells anyone anything like Jerry tells his fans. Howard said he just thanks guys when they come up to him and tell him that they'll follow him wherever he goes. He said Jerry is really full of himself.
Howard played more of Jerry rambling on and on about himself. He was talking about this talisman he carries with him and goes on and on about that. He carries a picture of his one child and not of the other kids. Howard said he could never say something like that. He wondered who can do something like that and not think about all of his other kids. Howard said Jerry is remarkable.
Howard said there will never be another one like Jerry. He said the guy has such audacity to be so self absorbed. He said it's fascinating though. Howard said that Jerry has 6 kids and one adopted kid and he carries around a picture of just one of the kids. Howard said that's just wrong. Howard said the guy is stabbing the other children in the heart. Howard said the guy is raising money for afflicted children while he's doing that. He said it's the most beautiful irony ever.
JD said that Jerry was telling people how much he loves them throughout the show. He said it was like he was saying goodbye. Howard said he can't imagine going on a show and talking about how just one of his kids is a lucky charm. He said the guy is so angry. He said he's a Jerry Lewis fanatic though. He said he could listen to him all day long.
Howard said Jerry was talking about how he wanted to beat Lindsay Lohan. Howard played audio from an interview where Jerry was talking about how he would smack her in the mouth if he saw her. Jerry said he would get arrested for it and he'd whack her on the face and then spank her if he had to. He said he'd do the same thing to Paris Hilton. he said they're begging for help and that's the way he'd help.
Howard said Jerry is out of his mind. He said that he's saying he wants to help these people by smacking them in the face or spanking them. He said he could listen to the guy all day long. He wouldn't want to be his kid though. He said he doesn't even know where to begin with that.
Howard played another clip where Jerry was talking about watching porno. Howard said that's just gross. Howard said Jerry was being a little blue there during the marathon. Howard said he can get away with that. Jerry then asked where they were and they had some technical problems. Jerry had some terrible feedback in his ear too. Howard said he was boiling mad at that point. Jerry then took over and made some changes to show he's in charge.
Howard said when Jerry was breaking down during his performance of ''You'll Never Walk Alone'' this year it sounded like he was more upset about how he might be dying soon than he was about the kids. Howard played some of that clip.
Howard said he had some audio of Jerry introducing someone who had been on the telethon 8 times already. Howard said they had Charro on the telethon and she was the big attraction. He said it just doesn't look right these days.
Howard played the clip of Jerry introducing this guy Nicholas King saying this was his debut. Then Jerry had to come back and say that he had been on before. The guy had been on 8 years. Jerry apologized for not knowing that he had been on so many times.
Howard played some audio of Charro doing a song on the telethon. He said that she looks like an 83 year old stripper at this point. He said Jerry was getting off on that. Jerry was telling her to get away from him and saying that he was still writing letters of apology from last year. He told her that she's not going to stick those things in his face again this year.
Howard said there was a clip of Jerry making a sex joke to a kid in a wheelchair. JD said it was one of the guys in the hats, not Jerry. He said the guy said something about him making love back stage or something. Howard said if it wasn't Jerry he doesn't care.
Howard said Jack Jones was also on the show and he was doing the Love Boat theme song. Howard said they listened to that the other day. He said they already heard it and he doesn't want to play that one again. Howard said Jerry loved all of that.
Howard said he loves that Jerry wants to smack Lindsay Lohan. He goofed on him about that. He said that would be really great to go to jail for smacking a woman in the face. He said that's Jerry's answer for Lindsay's problems. Howard said there are other great clips to play but he's not sure how much of it he can play. He asked JD what the ''ticking gift bit'' was. JD said Jann Carl was telling Jerry about this gift that showed up and the gift starts ticking and smoke comes out like it exploded. He said that was it. Howard said JD is the best story teller. He said he has no idea what he said. Howard said that's what his meeting is like every morning with him. JD said he pulled that clip because he was on the fence about it. He said he thought it was lame so he didn't color the bit on the computer screen. He usually colors the stuff that's good.
Howard said JD spent his entire weekend with Jerry Lewis. Howard said that JD didn't call in and contribute. JD said he didn't. Howard said they had to work at NBC on Labor Day weekend. He said no one is by the radio on the weekends.
Howard said that Tony Orlando might be the guy that wants to take over for Jerry Lewis. He said that Jerry took credit for Tony Orlando's weight loss. Howard played some audio of Tony Orlando on the telethon and said that there's no way he could ever take over. Howard said that this is where Jerry talks about how he was curing Tony Orlando. In the clip Jerry was talking about how he told Tony to lose some weight and he did it. Jerry said that he looks great at over 100 years old. Howard said Tony never mentioned that Jerry had anything to do with the weight loss.
Howard said he had to take a break but he couldn't stop playing the clips. He went to break a short time later. They played a Captain Janks prank call to a telethon as they went to break.
Howard came back and played the top 5 songs after Robin asked what they were. Howard played songs by Pit Bull, Enrique Iglacias, Katy Perry, Taio Cruz and Eminem.
Howard talked about the songs as he went along. Howard said he liked Katy Perry when she was in. He also likes Russell Brand. Howard said he likes that Eminem is always angry too. Howard laughed as he heard the anger coming from Eminem. He said he might have to mash that up with ''Give Peace a Chance.'' Howard said he likes Rihanna's voice too. He said she's very relaxed compared to Eminem. He said she may be punch drunk not even knowing what she's singing about. He let the song play almost all the way through. He said that guy is really angry. He said he gets angry when the air conditioning isn't working so maybe he'll write a song about that. Howard said that Eminem's mother must have been a real trip.
In the clip Jacobs is talking about how bad lesbians are while she has this piano playing behind her. Howard said he's going to get that woman to play piano for him. Jacobs says that lesbianism is a plague on our society today. Howard said this was at a church. He said this must be the white trashiest church in the world. The preacher was going on and on about it being sin and how she wanted the women of god to kneel down and put a stop to this. She said that they're going to repent and make this stop. Howard goofed on the woman for her crazy rants.
Howard said that he really wants to meet that piano player who was playing this peaceful music while this woman was acting like a raving lunatic. Robin said she's not even a good preacher. Howard said it's good that there are lesbians out there. He said that everyone is procreating too much anyway. He said they say we have too many homes in this country but in China they don't have enough. Howard said if he was the President he would move some of the Chinese here and sell them some of the homes here.
Howard ended up talking about the Chinese again and what scumbags the government is in China. Howard said they're enslaving their own people. Robin said he sounds like he doesn't know that this has been going on for a very long time. This is the way the whole world used to be. Howard said he's talking about today. Robin said it has always been a people on people thing.
Howard had used the term ''coolies'' when he was talking about the Chinese and he didn't know that it's now considered a racial slur. Howard said wasn't always a slur and he was referring to them in that way, not the racial slur way.
Howard said this nut thinks that everything will be perfect in this country if the lesbians are all gone. He said she's nuts.
Howard said he had another clip of senator James Inhofe talking about how he was proud that he didn't have any homosexuals in his family. Howard said it sounds like anyone who was a homosexual would be afraid to let anyone know. Howard said that you can tell that no one was gay in that family based on the K-Mart clothing they were wearing. Howard said that if they did have a gay person in the family maybe they'd have some taste. Howard did his impression of that senator and goofed on him for a minute.
Howard said there's a guy running for Mayor over in Providence, Rhode Island and the guy is like that guy Al Green. He said he started singing to one reporter and went on a religious rant in another interview. Howard said the guy looks like Curly from the Three Stooges but he has an attractive wife. Howard played the audio of this interview where a reporter was asking the guy, Chris Young, about why he got into politics. Young explains how he got into it and then he was asked about what he does for fun. Young says that he likes to go to church for fun and he also writes songs for fun. Then he holes up a tape recorder and plays some music to sing along with. Then he starts singing this horrible song. Howard said it goes on but the guy is singing about a rich man who isn't happy because he hasn't found Christ. Howard played more of the clip and laughed as it was playing. Howard said the reporter is staring at him and isn't smiling or anything.
Howard said he would turn to the guy and tell him he's fucking insane. He said he can't believe the guy is doing this. Howard said he'd like to punch him in the face. The reporter had to cut him off. She thanked him for coming in. The song was going on a little too long. Young told her that his guitarist was out in the hall if they wanted to bring him in. The reporter said they were out of time. Young told her that he hopes she learned something from that song. The reporter asked how long he had been singing. He said he'd like to come back in and perform with his band sometime. He wanted to come in later that week. The reporter kind of blew him off and didn't say he could come back.
Howard said this guy Young was on another show going through some religious rant and you'd think that the wife would get up and leave him right there. JD said that the guy proposed to his girlfriend in the middle of another debate so that's what they were asking him about in this MSNBC interview. Howard played that clip and the reporter asked Chris Young why he proposed during the debate. Young explained what he and his girlfriend were doing but he wasn't really answering his question. He was rambling on and on about church and how the churches are being attacked. The interviewer asked if this was based on religion. Young said it was. Howard said it sounds like this guy is nuts. Then you think the wife is going to say he's nuts but then she starts in with the same religious rants. The reporter had to cut them off because they were out of time. They were still rambling on and on right up until the end. Howard wondered how that guy got the nomination. He said it's pretty crazy.
Howard said that Jillian Barberie does a lot of promotion for their show. He said she interrupted some guy who was claiming to be the number one radio guy and told him that Howard Stern was number one.
Howard had a clip of Jillian saying ''Cheena'' when she was talking about China. She claims she thought it was Chino, California when she read it. Howard said she is a huge fan of the show and she throws his name out there all the time. Howard said she's fighting the good cause. Howard said he had to take another break after that. He had to get to Mike Walker and Robin's news after that.
Howard said O'Reilly has a new book out every other week. He said he must have a ghost writer or something. He said the guy even has a book for kids.
Howard said this guy Jim Jorgenson has a book out too. Gary handed him this thing and it was Jim pitching his book to him. He wasn't sure why he handed it to him. Howard read through that and asked why he gave it to him. Gary said that these radio guys are just hucksters who are on radio. He said they sell all of this stuff like they really know something.
Howard said Bill O'Reilly has a web site where you get a newsletter when you sign up for a premium membership. Howard said the guy needs to be knocked down a peg just like Glenn Beck. Howard said he just got a note saying that Bill O'Reilly has 9 books out. Gary said they once bought an EIB leather chair from Rush Limbaugh. Howard said he made Tom Chiusano buy that chair. Gary said they left it at K-Rock. Howard said he never even sat in it. He said they must be the only ones who ever bought one.
Jason came in and told Howard the merchandise O'Reilly's site offers to people when you sign up. They spent a minute on that and Howard got back to the Jim Jorgenson thing and wondered how full of it that guy is claiming that he made like 200 percent back on his investments. Howard said he wants to know how the guy is doing that and wants documentation on it.
Howard said if the guy is making 200 percent then why is he selling mugs? He said that the guy should be able to make his money and not sell mugs. Robin said maybe he's getting you into the mug business. Howard spent a short time goofing on all of those guys. Howard said he read that Glenn Beck is making $32 million a year doing what he does. Howard said he's selling crap and going out on tour.
Howard read more about Jim Jorgenson and said that this 200 percent gain is bit. Howard said he has guys trying to invest for him and he's lucky to get 2 or 3 percent. Howard said he must be doing something wrong.
Gary told Howard that Bill O'Reilly is selling 15 types of mugs, 4 tote bags and a bunch of other stuff. He thought he was reading about Jim Jorgenson but it was the O'Reilly stuff. Howard said that anyone who has all 4 of the tote bags would have to be retarded. He wondered what kind of tool walks around with a Bill O'Reilly t-shirt on. Howard said he has never seen anyone wearing a Bill O'Reilly t-shirt. He said he'd wear a Jim Jorgenson t-shirt before a Bill O'Reilly shirt. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along with the song a little bit. Howard said he remembers the story on Boston's lead guy, Tommy Shultz, invented a portable guitar thing. Howard said the guy was a musical genius but he can't write anymore songs.
Howard had Mike Walker on the line so he put him on and said that the Howard TV guys have a Robert Schimmel special coming up where they'll be showing his first appearance on the show from 1997.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard asked where Scott was. Scott came in and said it's not a slipper on his foot, it's a sliding shoe. He said he has to slide at the foul line so that's what he wears. He said it's in the rules and it's okay to wear. Howard asked why he hasn't agreed to do it. Scott said he just found out about it minutes ago. Scott said he doesn't know anything about it right now. Howard said he actually got a note about it about a week ago but didn't read it because it was so boring. He found the note and read it. It was addressed to Gary. They're offering Scott a free entry into the event but it will take 6 days. Howard said they must need publicity. Howard asked who is watching bowling.
Howard said one of the security guys, Otis, is a big bowler. He said he goes into tournaments and wins big money. Howard said Scott should give it a shot. Scott said he'd like to but he's not sure he can take 6 days off. Howard said he might be too valuable. He said he might be able to spare Scott though. Howard said it might be interesting to see him fail yet again though so they might have to send him out there.
Howard said they should know within an hour if he sucks. Scott said it might be a series of 24 games over 6 days. Scott said he might be out of it pretty quick. Howard said it must be like thousands of Scott the Engineers getting together out there. Howard was trying to goof on Scott introducing himself to some famous bowler. He didn't know any famous bowler names so Gary had to help him out.
Howard said Scott should wear that slider thing to work. Scott said the shoes stick so he has to wear that thing. He said if his shoe stuck then he'd fall over. He said he just kept the slider on the shoe. He said he could wear the shoe out until it slides but the sock thing works well so he's keeping it on.
Howard asked Scott what he wears when he bowls. Scott said he wears jeans an a t-shirt. He may have to get something nicer for TV though. Howard said he should wear a Howard 100 shirt if he gets on TV.
Howard said that things are getting weird around there. He said they used to get research on how many people are listening to the channels but all of that has dried up. He said that they're not telling them anything around there now.
Howard said this bowling thing might work out for Scott. Scott said it sounds interesting to him. He said he might be able to slip in some Deejaying out there too. Howard and Fred goofed on Scott as they did their impressions of him. Howard said it would be funny if he choked and bowled a 132. Scott said that happens. He said that's why they play over 24 games. Scott said he does have bad nights occasionally. He said he had a bad night the other day. He bowled a 220, a 188 and a 170. He said that's really bad for him. Scott said he usually does a 235 average.
Howard and Fred did their Scott impressions for a few minutes making fun of him complaining about the lanes. Scott said they have a PBA set of standards and sometimes guys like him have a tough time under those conditions. He said that it changes the way the ball reacts when you throw it. Howard said he has to imagine that the lanes are pretty good. If they weren't good then the guys in the PBA would complain. Scott said he knows pros who bowl really high who end up throwing 150 games when they play on those PBA lanes.
Robin said she was watching tennis and the conditions don't change who wins. She said the best guy still won. Howard said Scott is going to panic and bowl a 120 and then blame the lanes. Scott said he never panics. Jon Hein said that Scott has different balls for different lanes. Scott said he has two balls for the same bowling alley but he'll change balls depending on the lane he's in. He said he knows guys who have 6 balls. Scott said he can't afford that many. That led to more goofing from Howard and Fred. Fred said that Scott has a Magic 8 Ball that says ''Reply hazy, try again'' on it. He was also joking that someone tried to finger his head the other day.
Howard said it's funny how Scott looks like the sport he took up. He said if he took up football he'd end up looking like a football. Howard asked when he's playing again. Scott said he plays on Tuesday nights. He said that's his one big night. Howard asked if his wife won't let him play more than that. Scott said he has nothing to do with her.
Scott said that the crew there gets together and goes out bowling once a month. He said it's him, Ronnie and Richie Wilson and some others. Scott said he can check the lane by the way the ball reacts to the lane. Scott said he only brings one ball to those games. JD said that he does have his bad nights. He said he bowled a 158 the other night. Scott said it's just a casual thing so he doesn't try that hard. JD said he bowled a 114 that night. He said it wasn't that good.
Richie Wilson came in and told Howard about the sock he wears on the shoe. He said that it's black and white and it has a strap on it to hold it on. Howard said he must look ridiculous wearing that thing. No one else wears a sock on their shoe. Howard asked Scott if he would lend him the sock. Scott said ''Why not?'' The Howard TV guys had a shot of the sock so they showed that to everyone. Howard said that's a genius idea. Howard said he likes that he claims he doesn't care on casual night but he wears the sock anyway. Scott said it's on his shoe and he just doesn't take it off.
Howard just got a note saying he carries around a bowling towel too. Scott said he does that to wipe the ball off because its covered in oil. Howard said he might look kind of cool as a bowler but if he's got a sock and a towel then he looks like a douche. Scott said everyone has a towel. Richie said his towel is his jeans.
Richie said that they have one red pin in the alley they go to and they yell at Scott to come out and try to knock that one down. He said that's his time to shine. Howard said he has to wear a shirt saying ''God's Gift to Bowling'' when he gets on TV. Howard said they air that on ESPN. Steve said he's not sure that Scott would get on.
Howard and Scott talked about the different conditions of the lanes that the PBA has. Scott said they try to make the lanes as hard as they can for the pros. He said they had to do that to keep everyone from bowling 300s. Howard said he didn't know that.
Howard said that Scott is in on this tournament. He said he thinks they can spare him for a week. Howard said they could probably let him go away for 2 years and not know he was gone.
Steve said that Gary's new book, ''They Call Me Baba Booey,'' won't have Eric the Midget's quote on the back. They've bumped him for someone else. Howard said they should keep Eric's on there. He said that's funnier than anyone else. Gary said he doesn't have any control over that.
Steve said that Mariann from Brooklyn was at Vinnie Favale's Hereafter musical and she claims she was moved to tears by it.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He went through some of the stuff they were going to cover and then Howard took a call from a bowler. The caller said that he thinks Scott will finish dead last in the bowling tournament. He said he tried to get Scott to show up for another tournament and he didn't come. The guy told Howard about the conditions are changed so they don't have the same conditions every time. He said it gives everyone a chance to be competitive. He said Scott will have no chance whatsoever.
Scott said that he's averaging a 218 right now. The caller said he'll do like a 190-200 in the world circuit. Howard said that maybe Scott would have a good game. The caller said that he's going to be doing this 6 days in a row and they're all at different sites. The caller said he sells bowling machine parts himself. He said that a good bowler can make $350,000 or so plus incentives. The guy said this is a huge deal to let Scott into this event. He said bowling is suffering like the rest of the country. He said that the economy is in the shitter and people can't even afford to go bowling. He said this is good for the PBA to get some exposure like this.
Howard said maybe this will be like the Rocky story and Scott will show up and win. He said maybe he'll have the game of his life. The caller said he'll put Scott in touch with a ball rep and he'll hook him up with the proper balls and equipment. Howard said he can imagine Scott working out like Rocky in a meat locker. He said everyone will be cheering for him and it could be really great.
The caller told Howard to let Scott come out to his house and bowl there. Howard didn't say anything to that. Howard said he'll hook Scott up with this guy so he can get the info. Howard goofed on Scott and said that this will all be like Rocky until the end when it turns out that he's in dead last place. He'll end up coming home with a $25 Waffle House coupon. Howard said it would be great if Scott really did win and he just never came back.
Jon Hein got back to his Wrap Up Show rundown and laughed about the whole Scott thing. He said that Scott should be excited but he's not. Scott said he was stunned and shocked. He said this is like playing in a major league baseball game for him. Howard said the guy can't even crack a smile. He sent him back to his cage.
Jon ran down the rest of his Wrap Up Show preview and then Howard got Mutt from Superfan Roundtable (Tonight at 7 on Howard 101) on the phone. Mutt said they're going to be talking about the Russian dating game and how the fix was in on that. He said they'll also talk about the Gary and Artie talk. That's huge with the fans so they'll go over that. Mutt said they'll also talk about the SIM card thing and what Howard's future might be. Howard said he doesn't know what's going to happen. He said they'll have to see. They went to break after that.
Robin started her news off talking about how this was the hottest summer in recorded history. Howard said he's depressed that the summer is over already. He said it's too short and it flies by. He said it's because of where they live. Robin said it was nice and warm though so he can't complain about that.
Howard said he was thinking about why he won the dating thing yesterday. Howard said he was listening to the Spice Girls song ''If you wanna be my lover'' and that inspired him to be the woman's friend instead of coming on in a big way.
Robin mentioned that Beth and Star Jones have gotten to be pretty close. Howard said Beth is very close with her and she loves Star Jones. Howard said they were out at a baby shower and then ended up hanging out with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Howard said his wife has some social life. He said he doesn't get jealous though. He said he wouldn't want to be out with Tom and Katie after going to a baby shower. Robin said she was out having a good time with a bunch of celebrities at the tennis match. She said that Rob Thomas is going to be sending Howard a foreword to give to people who ask for them. Howard said he appreciates that. Howard said he really doesn't have a good time hanging out with celebrities. He said he did have a good time at Jimmy Kimmel's house but that's not what it's like all the time.
Robin read about a guy who is suing the Los Angeles police department because he claims that they kept him from getting a promotion after the Mel Gibson arrest where he used the N-word.
Robin read about Britney Spears being sued by an ex bodyguard. Robin said the guy reported her to child services and now he's suing her for sexual harassment. The guy claims that there were unwanted sexual advances made to him. Robin had some details about that case and what the guy is claiming Spears did.
Robin read about Snookie from the Jersey Shore being in court. Howard said he saw her and she didn't look hot to him at all. He said she looked like a bowling ball to him. Robin read about her arrest and her appearance in court. Robin had some audio of the judge scolding her in court saying that she seems to be a Lindsay Lohan wannabe.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she heard about how angry Eminem is but he has nothing on Don Imus. She said she listened this morning and the guy is a real asshole. Howard ended up hanging up on her. Howard said that's almost like a commercial for Imus because it makes it sound interesting. Howard said the guy is a bore. Howard said there is no reason to call in like that.
Howard said there was a documentary about this guy John Cazale who was in just 5 movies in his life. All 5 of the movies were huge hits. He said the documentary was great too. He said that the guy died young so he never got to be in anything else.
Howard read the lyrics from that Spice Girls song he mentioned earlier. He said you can really learn a lot from that song. He said he read that the lyrics were written by men too so that made it even stranger.
Robin read about the full body scanners they have in airports now. Robin said they can see through your clothing and see your body now. Robin said people are disconcerted by that. Howard said he wants one for his apartment. Robin said they are going to replace the image with a cartoon of a man's body so it doesn't look like a real body. Robin said they are making a big push for have more of these full body scanners in more airports.
Howard read a note from President Carter saying that he's booked up this month. They tried to get him on the show but they got a note from his people saying they couldn't get him on. Howard said that they just wanted to see what his response was going to be. Gary said that Andre Agassi also turned them down. Howard said he would have liked to have talked to him about his father's abuse. Howard said his father really did a number on him. Howard said he would have liked to have talked to him about all of that. Gary said he talks about a lot of that in his book. Gary said he talked about that stuff on Kimmel the other night. Gary said his father really was a dick. Gary said Pete Sampras tells a story about Agassi's father throwing a second place trophy in the garbage. Andre was only 14 at the time. Robin said she thinks it would be fun to talk to him.
Robin read about Susan Boyle having some trouble. Robin said she was supposed to be on America's Got Talent but at the last minute the writer of the song she was going to sing refused to let her perform the track because he wasn't a fan of her's. It was Lou Reed who turned her down. Howard said he kind of likes that. He said he doesn't even know the song Robin mentioned. The song was ''Perfect Day'' but he had never heard of that one. Robin said Boyle was reduced to tears when she found this out. Fred found the song and played it for Howard. Howard said he didn't know the guy could just tell the woman no like that. Howard said she should have just sang the song. Howard said it was mean of Lou to do that.
Robin read about a man who lost his dog 7 years ago and was just reunited with it. Robin said that the guy was shocked when he found out that the dog was still okay. The dog showed up at a pound and the microchip that was injected in the dog is what got it back to him. The dog was in Kentucky and he was lost in Michigan.
Howard asked Benjy if he's bummed out that CraigsList shut down the adult section since that's where he got women. Benjy said that's not true. Howard said it is true, that's what the guys have told him. Howard said that he just can't have a conversation with Benjy. Robin said that's why she didn't bring that story up yesterday.
Robin read about the burning of the Quran and how this is bringing out everyone to comment on it. She had some audio of Hillary Clinton giving her opinion on it. She had some other people commenting on it as well.
Ralph called in and said that closing down the adult section on CraigsList is just going to make the other girls go into the regular girls section. Howard said he just can't talk to Benjy about this stuff. Benjy said he doesn't buy hookers. Howard said he didn't say he did. He said that he has gone there looking for women who want to have sex. They're not hookers, they're just women that want to have sex. Benjy was arguing that but Howard said he's not sure why he's back on that. Ralph mentioned that they have a new GeekTime show this Saturday (2-4pm on Howard 101)
Robin read about a new app that's out where people can find other people who want to hook up. Robin said they had better not ask Benjy if he has that app. Howard said Benjy is strange and he won't admit if he is into something like that.
Robin read about a new law on the books that is supposed to cut back on school bullying. Robin said that they say that they have to report to the state about any bullying that happens at school. Robin had some audio of some people talking about the new law.
Robin read that there's a rumor floating around that says ice cream can trigger ovulation. She had a clip of a doctor talking about how this isn't true. Robin said that there was a study done that found that some dairy may trigger ovulation.
Robin had some tennis news that she went through. She had some audio of Chris Everett talking about some of the recent games.
Robin read about Tiger Woods making it into the Ryder Cup but only because he was chosen. She had some audio of Tiger talking about that. Howard said he knows a guy who ays that it'll be like 10 years before he gets back on his game.
Robin read about Charlie Sheen being in the sequel to ''Wall Street'' and had some audio of him talking about the movie and what it was like going back to that character. Howard said the guy is in it for like 3 seconds and he's not sure why he's going on so long about it. Howard said the original ''Wall Street'' was a great movie. He and Beth watched it again and they had just seen the sequel and they should have just left it alone. He said it wasn't all that great.
Robin read about a penthouse apartment that Derek Jeter is selling for $20 million. Robin said it's 4 bedrooms and 5 1/2 baths. Howard said he must have to pish a lot. He said that's a lot of bathrooms.
Robin read about Fidel Castro doing an interview with an American Journalist. He's 84 years old. Robin said Castro spoke to this guy and said that he did make some mistakes. He said that things just aren't working for them down in Cuba.
Howard said the news was good today except when he went to Benjy. He said that he tried to talk to him but he screwed up the news. They ended the show right around 11:00am.
Jon ran down the list of things he wanted to cover today. He said that he wanted to start off talking about the Scott the Engineer bowling thing. He said that Scott did no react to that whole thing at all. He said that would be like telling Gary he could play in an Islander game. He said that would be one of the biggest thrills in the world and Scott didn't seem to care.
Gary said this is a PBA tour and it's a huge event. Jon said it's like a major league baseball playoff for bowlers. Gary said that they do this for like 14-15 weeks and it's covered on ESPN. Jon said that Scott is going to be allowed to go but he didn't seem to be very excited.
Gary asked about the slider sock that's on Scott's shoe. Jon explained what he knew about it and then asked Scott why he's not excited. Scott said that this is very exciting to him. He said it's a professional thing and it's only open to pros. He said he is excited but it didn't hit him before. He said he's so thrilled to do it. Gary said Steve told him he was almost annoyed by it when they first asked him about it. Scott said he didn't believe that they would let him bowl in a pro tournament. He said he wasn't sure what the whole story was. Scott said that no one contacted him about it. Gary said they wanted to surprise him about it. Gary said that they did manage to get them to talk about bowling for 40 minutes today so it was a smart move.
Jon asked Scott about his monthly casual game and how he plays with that special sock. Scott said he likes to do well but he also drinks at those games so he won't do as well as usual. Scott said he's very nervous about this whole thing right now. He said that they have 5 tournaments and 12 games a day. He said they have 2 sessions and it's a lot of bowling. He said it's going to be a lot for him and they have this whole routine for every day and every pattern will be different on the lanes. He said they have different names for all of the types but those types aren't the same in every alley.
Gary asked if he can win money. Scott said he will be in the tournament as a pro under an exemption. He said that he knows guys who bowl under the conditions he'll be under and he probably won't do as well as usual. He said this is the real thing.
Jon said Scott may not finish first but maybe he'll make it to the final round and finish in the money. He asked if he would consider that as a career. Scott said he would not. He said you have to be really good to play like that. Scott said that a 215 average isn't that good for a pro. He said he has bowled in a couple of tournaments and he didn't do that well. He said he was maybe in the top 50. He said he's never nervous when he bowls but it's just different.
The guys asked Scott if he's looking forward to meeting all of these guys. Scott said he is. He mentioned a bunch of the guys he's looking forward to meeting.
JD was in and said that he goes out bowling with Scott. He said that he wanted to go out to see Scot bowling and the other reason was to see Rachel Fine. They talked about JD almost throwing his ball through the ceiling when he was out with them one night. Gary said he heard the story and JD was the first one up and everyone thought he was pretty good at bowling. JD tossed the ball and it got stuck to his fingers so it went up in the air and came crashing down. Then it bounced down the alley.
Gary said they should have a staff bowling tournament because Ross Zapin takes it very seriously. Benjy showed up around that time so Jon told Scott to move out of the way to make room.
JD said he can tell that Scott takes his games seriously. Scott will get mad at people if they don't get up and just bowl if they're sitting down talking. Scott said when he goes out with these guys he goes out to have a good time. He said he's not in it for the competition.
Jon asked Scott if he has the all clear to go from his wife. JD laughed. Scott said this is more than him just going out to the tournament. He said that it's work for him. Jon said you'd think that he'd get the all clear. Scott said there won't be a problem with his wife. He said he's really excited about this.
Jon asked the guys who thinks that Scott is going to make the trip and if he'll choke. Gary said he'll make the trip. He said he thinks that Scott will come in above the bottom 5. Tim Sabean asked if he's going to take this as a personal day or vacation. Scott said he's going to be working so he's not taking vacation. Tim said if Howard wants it as part of the show then maybe they can work that out. Scott said he'll use vacation unwillingly if they want him to.
Mike Gange called in and said that Scott is lying about how casual the casual bowling nights are. He said he complains about the lane the whole night. He said the place is kind of beat up and the ball doesn't come back all the time so he gets pissed. Gange said it's casual and they don't rush up to bowl so Scott will yell your name out to go bowl. He said he takes it very seriously.
Jon asked Scott just how serious he has gotten in the past. Scott said he has kicked the ball return and he has thrown his towel. He said he has been warned about kicking the ball return too. He said he doesn't do those things anymore. He said occasionally he will get very upset though. That still happens when a game is on the line.
Gange said that Scott is a choker and he will choke in Vegas. Scott said he doesn't choke all the time. He said one night he was able to hit 5 out of the 6 red pin strikes on casual night. Gange said that he has seen him miss some of those.
Jon said he wishes Scott luck in the tournament. Scott said he'll probably freak out as it gets close to the tournament. The guys were also talking about that sound that Fred and Howard do when they're doing their Scott impressions. Gary said Fred was the one who noticed that first.
Jon said that this tournament is open to amateurs. He said it's not that big of a deal. Scott said it isn't open to amateurs. the caller said it's not that big of a deal so he told them not to get too carried away with it. The caller said that he's in the PBA so he knows about this. He said that they don't have a lot of hot chicks there so his wife shouldn't worry about it.
Gary asked about what they were talking about with the spare balls that he's going to have. Scott said they're going to give him extra balls to use on the lanes. He said there are a lot of different types of conditions so he has to be able to switch them up.
Jon asked Scott if he's looking to get free stuff. Scott said he's really not looking for free stuff. Gary said a shoe company already contacted them. Scott guessed it was Dexter shoes. He was right. Gary asked what kind of ball he likes. Scott said that he doesn't really have a preference. He said that the balls can run around $200. He said some of these guys use a new ball in every tournament. He said that they do lose their impact power after 50 games or so and that's why they switch them up so much.
Scott said that he knows the reason they asked him to do this was for promotion. He said he knows he's not there because he's a phenomenal bowler. They had to go to break after that.
Jon said that Howard took that contest very seriously and this showed just how serious. Gary said Howard won and he was this pissed off so it showed how serious he was. Jon said Howard felt like he wasn't getting his due based on what he heard.
Steve said he's heard Howard yell at a lot of people but it's hard to separate that from being yelled at himself. Gary said you have to learn deflection there and he has to work on that. Benjy said that Steve went in two directions and that may have made Howard even more angry. He said he was saying that he didn't believe it went the way he said but then another time he said that was the way he felt about it. Steve said he would like to do the contest with more girls and get more results. He said that he's not sure if the girls were really being honest.
Steve said the endings of both segments were very different. He said the first girl was very clear on why she picked Benjy. The second girl wasn't very clear on why she picked Howard.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard really doesn't know that Steve is a paid employee there. Gary said he thinks that some of it is real. He said he thinks that Howard knows he works there but he may not know what he does there. Jon said he doesn't think he knew he was a full time employee.
Steve said he thinks that Howard knows it pisses him off when he calls him an intern. Steve said he's not an intern and he always wonders if he really believes that. Steve said it can really bother him when he calls him an intern.
Jon said that it pisses other people off when they think Howard doesn't know who they are. Scott Ferrall is like that. That led to them talking about Ferrall for a few minutes. Gary explained how he found out what happened with Ferrall when Steve called him to get him on the air. Gary said he knew that Scott had been woken up and he knew there might be trouble. He said he knows that Tim has told them to call Ferrall when Howard talks about him too. He said that Howard could have yelled at them for not calling him too so it's hard to know what the right thing is.
Jon asked Steve if he expected to still have a job at the end of the day. Steve said the second time was tough. He said he didn't like going in there the second time to get yelled at about the Ferrall thing. Gary said that the anger filters through to other people like him. He said that Howard was going off on him saying ''Fuck you and your book... Mary is going to leave you.''
Benjy said he heard Tim saying that he never told them to call Ferrall. Then Jason came in and said that he absolutely did instruct them to do that. Then Tim came in during a break and said that he didn't tell them to call him but that they should let Scott or Bubba know that they're being talked about. He said he's not sure what the difference is there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he likes Steve and he felt that Howard was being a little rough on him. The guy said that Steve was just taking direction from Tim and he didn't deserve what Howard did to him. Gary said he thinks that the second part carried over from the first part. Steve said he did call him a ''f'ing bitch'' so that was a little rough.
They also talked about that impression that Fred does of Steve. Gary said he thought that sounds like the Jewish guy on Family Guy and not so much like Steve. Steve said that Fred's face looks really mean when he does that voice too and it's scary. Gary said his impersonations are very animated.
Another caller said that Howard was getting really rough with Steve but he could tell that the game yesterday was not staged. He said that he couldn't believe that they took the pictures down there when the girls came in. Gary said they really did that.
Gary felt that the segment yesterday was universally loved. He said that from the feedback he saw, everyone loved it. The guys were talking about having celebrities get involved in those segments. Benjy said it would be really cool to get celebrities involved. Gary said he'd like to see some of the other guys from the office involved.
Someone mentioned getting Steve Langford involved. Gary said he'd like to get Lisa G in there with some Russian guys.
Jon asked JD if he felt bad for Steve today. JD said he thinks that Steve got it as it was going on so it wasn't that bad for him.
Gary said he thinks that everyone in the room has been on the shit end of getting yelled at. Shuli was in so Gary asked if he had gotten yelled at. Shuli said he got yelled at about posting pictures of Ronnie's block party on SFN. He said that he knew he had fucked up by posting the pictures.
JD said he hasn't gotten yelled at like Steve did. Jon Hein never got yelled at but he mentioned that Jason almost cried over getting yelled at once. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:50am.