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Howard started the show talking to Robin about his weird day yesterday. Howard said he was falling apart. He said it started out where he was grooming himself and clipping his toe nails. He said they look like hedge clippers for his toe nails. Howard said he's a big baby and his vision is really good close up and really bad far away so he kind of has to do it by feel when he cuts his toe nails. He said it's just not working out with the glasses. He said he ended up clipping his toe and it bled. He said he told Beth about it and told her she had to cut them and she was fine with that. Howard said he didn't want to ask her to do it and he gets angry over it.
Howard said Beth is going to be in charge of cutting his toe nails from now on. Howard said he sounds like an old fart doing that. Robin said it sure does.
Howard said they were watching Celebrity Rehab last night and he stubbed his two toes on the couch. He said he was screaming and carrying on too much in front of Beth about that. He said he was yelling like he had just be shot down over enemy lines. Howard said he heard a story about a guy who was actually shot down and he probably didn't scream as much as he did.
Howard said he figured he wouldn't be able to run with broken toes. He said he went up 2 pounds over the weekend and he was freaking out over that. He said he knows he'll start gaining more if he gains 2. He said he goes crazy if he goes over 195 pounds. He said he's like a chick. Howard said his two toes hurt and he didn't think he could run but then just told himself he needs to just run.
Howard said his friend Pat, who is also his trainer, does a prayer over his feet when he runs. He said that's how much the guy likes his feet. Howard said he caught him doing that one day and wondered what he was doing. Howard said he guesses the guy is right about that and how lucky people are to have feet.
Robin said she almost missed her plane the other day because she was doing so many things wrong. She read that Mercury was in retrograde from one of her friends and that's why things like this are going on. Howard said astrology people always have an answer like that.
Howard said he had to get to the gym but he looks like a fucking lizard so he's not sure why he bothers. He said you'd think he'd be a good looking guy but his ass doesn't stop producing cellulite. Robin said they have those commercials on TV where guys are showing their six pack abs and beefy butts and stuff. Howard said he gets letters from personal trainers who tell him to stop running. He said if he did that he would weigh 900 pounds.
Howard said he knows it's over for him. He said he's too old to do anything with his body. Howard said poor Pat has to help him go through all of this for whatever reason.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it was a shit move making Beth do his nails. Howard said she's done it before. Howard said he had a woman who came out to the house to give them manicures and pedicures. Howard said they did that secretly and didn't want any paparazzi knowing about that. He said Beth was complaining that his nails were scratching her so he had to have something done. He said he didn't think about the emery board because he didn't know about that stuff. Howard said Beth complained so he had to do something about it. He was cutting his own nails and Beth started to show him how to use the emery board. Howard said he now carries one in his ''murse.''
Howard said he doesn't care about doing his nails but two summers ago he decided to hire this Vietnamese woman to come to the house to give him the manicure and pedicure. He said it was pretty expensive too. He said he paid it so he didn't have to go to the salon to get it done. Howard said this woman was doing his nails and he started to feel bad for her. Howard said she asked if he wanted ''full treatment'' but he felt so bad he didn't want to do that. He said he felt like a douche bag having a person doing his stuff.
Howard said he felt he had to speak to the woman and found out her whole life story. He said it wasn't relaxing at all. He was trying to make her feel comfortable. Howard said he told Beth about what he had learned and Beth asked how he knew all of this. He said he was practically rubbing the woman's feet himself.
Howard said he feels guilty having anyone do anything for him. He said he felt bad for the masseuse when he'd get massages done too. He said this woman was done in 20 minutes but it was supposed to take an hour. He said he felt really good after he was done. He said that Beth wasn't complaining anymore either. He said the woman came the week after and then she called up and said she was raising her fee by $25 a person. He said she had no idea who he was when she came to his place at first. Howard said she claimed she was doing it on her day off so she was going out of her way to do it. Howard said he told Beth he was done with her after that.
Howard said he wasn't going to pay extra after 2 weeks. He said if it was a year he'd understand it. The caller said that when you cut your nails you have cheese under your nails. Howard hung up on the guy.
Howard said he and Beth went for a run over the weekend and he wears the same sneakers every time. He said his balls were stinging like a mother fucker after his shower. He said he had a tick on his balls one time so he figured he had another one. Howard said his balls were bleeding after the shower. He said he was in this weird position looking at his balls in the mirror. He said he didn't see anything at that distance because of his bad vision. He said he couldn't quite see what was going on. He said his finger was full of blood and it looked like he was chafed. He said he had to ask Beth to look at them and he knows that girls don't like balls.
Howard said he asked Beth to come up and check his balls and she wanted to look. He was too flaccid and waited until he had some boner action going on. He said he waited like 3 hours to make that happen. He said his whole life is a nightmare. He said he's just unhappy.
Howard said it turns out it was just chafing. He said Beth was squeezing his balls to see if he had any ticks. He said that his balls were just cut. Howard said he didn't shave his balls or anything. He said he must have chafed them while he was running. He said he didn't even feel anything while he was out running. He said he didn't feel anything down there.
Howard said he has cut toes, stubbed toes and bleeding balls. He didn't have a good weekend. He said the balls really hurt when he cut his balls. He said it's a fucking nightmare for him. He said he feels like a stupid hamster when he runs on a machine. Howard said this running takes up half his day and he still ends up looking like himself when he's done. He said he can't even get into Tobey Maguire Spider-Man shape. He said he still has belly flab and he barely weighs anything.
Howard said he feels weird asking people to groom him. He said he's just trying to maintain his look though. Howard said he wouldn't mind going to a spa to get that stuff done but he doesn't want to get caught doing it. Howard said he knows that the paparazzi would catch him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he had any tampons and maxi-pads. Howard said this guy is a macho man who doesn't do any of this stuff. The guy said that Howard was bleeding too. Howard asked if he cuts his nails. The guy said he did. The guy said he was just breaking his balls. Howard told him not to do that today, he's upset.
Howard said at least he was doing something manly to make his balls bleed. He said he was running but then he said that maybe that's not so manly. Robin said Gary had bleeding nips when he ran. Howard said he used to have that too.
Howard said some women run while on their cell phones. He said there are people running at 4 in the morning too.
Howard said that's how his weekend went. Robin said she was sorry she asked. Howard said his chess rating went up over the weekend too so that was a good thing. Robin said there was a period where he was going to quit. Howard said he had a break through and he understands it a little better now. He said that he doesn't think anything about chess now.
Howard said he tried to get out of therapy but the guy told him he has to keep coming 3 days a week minimally. Howard said he was told that he has some clients that are tethered to the guy for the rest of their lives. Howard said he thinks the guy is addicted to him. He said he's a good patient because he pays immediately. He said he thinks he's keeping him around because he knows he's nuts. Howard said he's aware of that though so he knows he's nuts too.
Howard said he didn't have time to do anything because he's so busy. He said he has this job, kids, his marriage and more and he doesn't have time to even get a hair cut. He said he's not sure what to do. He said he never has any down time. Howard said he does nothing over the weekends and then he feels that he's got plenty of time.
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Howard said it did sound like some kind of virus or something. He said he must have wanted his daughter to have the same experience with her life that he did with the name ''Shuli.'' The caller went on to tell Howard that he will follow him wherever he goes.
Gary said he got the full name and it was Atalia Yael Egar. Robin asked about the middle name. Howard said Shuli is like Super Jew. He said his name is so unusual and he must have wanted his kid to have the same experience. He said he could have given her a normal name.
Howard talked about the guy he worked with in the early days who had a strange name. He said that guy bummed him out. He said the guy would tell him how bad he was on the air and stuff. He said that guy's name was Yubi. Howard told Robin that he made him the program director and he was always told how bad he was.
Gary came in and said that Howard is downplaying that guy because he met him and he knows. He said that Shuli tells stories about his father that sound very similar to that guy.
Howard said Yubi looked down on him and he would make fun of him about how easy it was to make money there in this country.
Gary said that Shuli isn't even his real name. Gary said that his real name is like Shaoul or something like that. Gary said he asked Shuli why he gave her an Italian name. It turns out it's an Israeli name. Howard asked if he has to give her the same experience that he had. Howard wondered why he would tag her with something like that.
Howard said that Yubi guy made him feel awful. He said he thinks that they had him up there once to visit. Howard said he's nice to him now though. Howard said everyone is nice to him. He said that the guy used to tell him he was a decent program director but not that good on the air.
Howard said he had nothing to fall back on and he could have been talked out of doing radio. He said he wasn't mean but the guy was brutally honest. He said he has to agree that he sucked in those early days though. He said the guy was trying to talk sense to him about being in radio. Howard said Meg (Griffin) would tell Robin that he was awful back then too. He said she barely gave him the time of day at that point.
Howard said he could have been seen as a joke in the industry back then. He said that's the way Meg looked at him. He said he wasn't into music like she was. Howard said he didn't give a shit about the music. He said Meg still loves music and to get into her pants you have to know about it. He said that she has no respect for people who don't know music. Howard said they could have played anything they wanted back then at that station and that's what Meg was doing. He said he didn't care about it and she probably thought he was a jerk off.
Howard said there was a movie where this guy tried to get into Marilyn Monroe's pants by doing everything she was into. He said he could have tried that with Meg. He said he wanted to fuck her really bad. Howard said she was cool but he was just a loser. Howard said Meg never said she wanted him though so that would never happen. He did get to sleep in her husband's bed one time when they got snowed in. He said the guy was naked in bed and playing the guitar. He said they were all weird and into being different and he was a normal guy just trying to make it.
Howard said he thinks that Meg wasn't into him at all. He said she never had anything to say to him. That led to Fred playing some Little Lupe Fuentes clips. Howard said he listened to that segment again on the replay and thought she was really funny. Howard said he had Beth listen and she had no idea what Lupe was saying. Howard said she was great on the show though.
Howard said he was reading about Goldman Sachs over the weekend and tried to figure out what they were talking about. Howard said all of these hedge fund guys are gamblers. Robin said that from what she understands, he gives himself about a $50,000 limit per day. Howard said it's no wonder they got rooms. He said that his meals are probably comped too. Robin said that they probably let him do whatever he wants for that kind of money per day. Howard wondered who clips his toe nails. Robin said she'll have to find out.
Howard said Larry King is getting divorced again and he apparently didn't have a pre-nup with this woman. He said that the guy is 100 years old and the woman was young and super hot. He said Larry should have known better. It turns out that he didn't have the pre-nup and they have two kids so Larry is screwed. Howard said they say that Larry and his wife used to fight outside of a deli that Larry would go to every day. Howard said he heard that the deli people actually moved out to L.A. for Larry because he loved them so much in Washington DC.
Howard said that Larry knew for years he had marriage problems according to Cindy Adams. She got to go out to lunch with Larry and the guys he went to lunch with regularly. Howard said that at some point you must become too gross to be with for any amount of money. Robin said she hasn't seen that.
Howard said he heard that Larry and his wife would get into fights in font of the deli often. Howard said he had a story in the paper about the fights they used to have. They never got caught by TMZ for some reason. Howard said TMZ needs to get on that better.
Howard said Jay Thomas had a thought on Larry King. King was interviewing this rape victim and the woman was saying that she gave this guy a ride after going grocery shopping so he was holding the food. Then she tells Larry the story about how the guy raped her and then Larry asked her where the guy put the food. Larry was more interested in where the food was than anything else.
Howard played the clip from Larry's show where the woman told the story and said this guy asked her to go grocery shopping for him. The woman explained how she gave the guy a ride because he claimed that his car was broken down. She said the guy told her to turn down a main street and then told her it was just around the corner and he slammed her head into the steering wheel. He handcuffed her to the wheel and said he just wanted a piece of ass. Then Larry asked her ''What did he do with the food?''
Howard said Jay Thomas was all over that the other day and he thought it was a good observation. Robin said they must have told Larry to make sure that he asks questions so people know he's there.
Howard played a clip of a guy making a prank call to Larry King's show during a Dr. Oz discussion. The guy asked what they thought about Howard Stern's butt hole... and they cut him off.
Howard played a clip of Deion Sanders being interviewed and using the word ''Shebackle'' instead of ''debacle.''
Howard said that Kate Hudson also got boobs out of nowhere. He said that she used to have nothing but now she's got boobs. He said she didn't go nuts but it's obvious she has something going on there. He said that she used to brag about how she liked the tiny boobs she had but now she's gone out and gotten them done. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and wondered where they're playing that new STP stuff. Howard said he's not sure there are any Modern Rock stations in New York anymore. Fred said maybe not but around the country there may be.
Howard said he was reading about this guy Jonathan Bell who used to be on the morning zoo show at Z-100 finally got fired. He was there for 27 years. Howard said the guy was 75 years old though. Howard didn't even know who he was.
Gary said he's actually a really nice guy. He said he has done an appearance with him. Gary said he was always the voice of reason on the show. Howard wondered who the zoo is now. Gary said it's Elvis Duran and someone else. He wasn't sure who it was now though. He said they have a female news woman and some other people.
Howard wondered what they could talk about on the morning zoo that would make anyone crazy. He said this guy is pretty upset from what he read. He read an article about him getting fired and how he had been there from the beginning in 1983. Bell said there was a budget cut and he was being let go. Howard said maybe they just didn't need him there. The guy is 75 so maybe he sounded old on the air.
Robin said she thinks that there was something weird about the way he was told he was fired. Howard read more of the article and read the details about his firing. That led to Howard talking about how they fired him at WNBC. He said they made him drive all the way into work to tell him he was fired.
Howard read that the guy got to go on the air and say goodbye to the audience. He said he wouldn't have been so polite if they had done that with him. Howard said that the guy was fired by Clear Channel so he said ''Gee, join the club.''
Howard read about the firing and how the station was being bombarded with emails and letters. Howard said he doesn't think they care about who is on the Morning Zoo. He said no one seems that upset that he's gone. They're probably more worried about the kind of music they're hearing.
Howard said the guy is 75 and most guys that age don't get to be on a Morning Zoo. Howard said he wasn't aware they had a guy that old on there though.
Howard asked how that Nick Cannon guy is doing in the mornings at their old station. They call it 92.3 Now instead of K-Rock. Howard said they can't make up their minds what to call that station anymore. Howard said they'll change it again eventually.
Howard said he heard that Lisa hired someone to dress her. Lisa said she hired the receptionist, Alliah, to help her out and that's who did it for her. Howard said she has to keep it up because she looks good. Lisa said she had her come over to help her dress for an appearance she made on channel 4. Howard said she looks really good. Lisa said she used to work for Ralph Lauren. Lisa said that the receptionist was hoping to have a job open up there. Howard said she might be waiting a while there because they're tight with the money around there. Howard said they're waiting to make a profit before they hire more people.
Robin said she might have to hire this woman too. Howard said she probably should. Howard spent a little time talking to Lisa about the whole thing and how she had worked with Alliah to dress her a couple of times. Howard said it's really working for her.
Howard asked if Alliah has a boyfriend. Lisa said she thinks she does. Lisa said she is so nice too. Howard said she really is. Howard asked if the boyfriend is black or white. Lisa said she thinks he's black but she didn't know for sure. She said that was just the vibe she got from her. Lisa said she thinks that she'd tell her if he was white. Lisa said she thinks that she would have told her if he was white. Benjy laughed when she said that.
Howard asked what she said that led her to believe he was black. Lisa said she wasn't even sure. Robin said she should have just said she didn't know. Lisa said she doesn't know but it was just something she got the impression off. She had nothing to base it on though.
Howard said it turns out that Lisa is right and the guy is black. He said that Brian has met her boyfriend and he was black. Howard said Lisa's song should be ''I've Got a Feeling'' by the Black Eyed Peas. Fred threw in the Riley Martin ''How'dy'do'' audio clip. Lisa told him to cut that out. She said it wasn't a racial thing.
Howard said Alliah should work with JD dressing him too. Howard ended up doing his JD impression and goofed on him about that. Lisa told Howard that Ryan never texted JD back about going to SNL with him last week. Howard said Ryan is a busy guy. JD came in and said that he texted him on Tuesday and didn't hear anything back since. He said Ryan was fine on SNL but he seemed kind of nervous. He said the sketches themselves weren't that good though. IT wasn't Ryan's fault.
Howard said he saw that someone posted on Facebook that SNL is like the best 20 minute sketch show that you can just fast forward through.
Howard asked JD about the date and found out she met him through email. JD said they went to a bar and hung out. He said this was their second or third date. Howard said that's good that he's got something going on. Howard asked if he got a handy. JD said no. He said they did kiss. Howard said that's creepy. JD said ''Fuck you asshole!'' Howard asked if she's into him and into fantasy baseball. JD said she's into sports. JD said she might be into the same kinds of things he's into. He said they stayed out until 10 or so on Friday night. JD said he's not a party type. Howard joked that JD left her at the bar so she could get laid.
Howard asked if she lives in New Jersey. JD said she does. Howard said he's glad he had a date. Howard said she must have written to him saying she didn't think he was so bad. JD said she has a Facebook account so that's how they got to know each other. JD didn't remember what she did for a living. Howard said he's a douche bag not knowing that stuff. JD said he just wants to be left alone. Robin asked what he talks about. JD said they do talk.
Howard told JD he has to bring up what she does for a living. JD said he knows what she does but he forgot. Howard asked if he's going to remember later. JD said he might. Howard asked if he knows where she grew up and how many siblings she has. He said he knows she has at least one sibling. He's not sure where she went to college. He kind of knows the area she lives in too.
Howard asked JD what she wore on the date. JD said it was a shirt and jeans. Howard said maybe she should go see Alliah. JD said she dresses fine. He said he didn't know she was a fashion icon. Howard said Lisa knew it after one conversation.
Howard asked JD if he got tittie with that chick. JD wasn't saying much but he did say he has gotten some tittie. He said it may have happened at her job. He said he was done talking about that after that. Howard said JD was at her job but he doesn't know what it is. JD said that's right. He said he doesn't remember it right now but he did know it. Howard said this is amazing to him. JD said he doesn't have a great memory.
Howard said JD does have a good memory. He said he went to her work and he doesn't know what she does for a living. JD said it has something to do with numbers. Howard asked him about feeling her up at work. JD just sighed. He wanted to get out of the studio. Howard said that's pretty amazing that he felt her up at work. He said she must have her own office. JD said he didn't want to talk about it anymore. He said he was done with this. Howard and Fred goofed on JD doing their impressions of him.
Howard asked if this chick is in the entertainment industry or what. JD said she's in some business where they deal with accounting or something. He said that she's going to yell at him for talking about this and that he didn't know.
Robin asked how long JD knew this girl before they went out. JD said they spoke for a few weeks. Howard asked if she's thin. JD told him to shut up. Howard said if she has a job then he should just marry her. JD said she makes more than he does. Howard said everyone makes more than him.
Howard asked JD which tittie he liked better. Fred answered for him and said it was the left one. JD said he is a lefty actually. Howard asked when the next date is. JD said it might be this week. Howard asked how long the conversation was when he spoke to her last night. JD said it was just a text. JD said that he did talk to her on the phone on Saturday. That led to Howard taking out his megaphone and making up a conversation between this mystery woman and JD.
Howard was goofing on JD doing his impression of him talking to this woman on the phone. Fred was doing his impression of JD during that fake call too. Howard was laughing as he did the impression. He said JD is a romantic son of a bitch. He said that JD is smart about this stuff.
JD said they were in the bar watching the Yankee game so they just hung out. JD said they did talk about he doesn't remember what they talked about. Howard said you'd think that he'd ask about what she does for a living. JD said he knows what she does, he just can't remember. Howard imagined what the call would be like where he asks her where she works. He'd bring up ''that place where I felt you up'' as the place she worked.
JD walked out after Howard brought up some sexual stuff. Howard told him to get back in there. Howard said that he didn't know that JD was getting some action. Robin said she would love to be a fly on the wall and hear that conversation.
Howard said he bets that JD had to jerk off after the date. Fred was looking JD over so Howard pointed that out. Howard asked JD what he's going to do when Ashley Dupre texts him saying she wants to go out. He asked if he would drop this chick. JD said that would be a douchey thing to do and he's not going to do that. Fred threw in some Little Lupe audio clips during that discussion.
Howard asked JD what this girl's name is. JD said he didn't want to say. Robin said maybe Lisa knows, she's psychic. Howard said Lisa was looking good so maybe JD should ask her out. JD said she reminds him of his mom. He said he's not attracted to her in that way anyway.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that JD's girl works as a toll taker and JD still doesn't remember what she does. JD said he knows what she does but he's not going to talk about it on the air. He said he doesn't want people at work knowing what she did.
Howard said he's proud of JD that he got a date. He said he's happy for him too. He said he has to find out what she does for a living too. He said it's embarrassing if he doesn't know that. Howard asked if he's going to change his Facebook status to ''it's complicated.'' He said that's funny when people do that. JD said he's not going to do that. JD said he's not going to get rid of this girl to date Ashley Dupre either.
Robin asked what the next date is going to be. JD said he had a thought on that but then he stopped and said he's not going to talk about that. Howard asked what it was. JD said it's just a dinner and tried to get out of the studio. He kept saying goodbye but Howard and the guys were still goofing on him and wouldn't let him go.
Howard told JD to take this girl out to a nice place like Nobu. JD said he wants to stop talking about this. He said if he needs help he'll ask. Howard said JD is treating them like his parents and leaving them out of it. Howard said no one is listening anyway. JD said ''yeah, right.''
JD said that he doesn't know if this girl is allergic to fish or anything. JD said that he has had two meals with her though. He said that they went to that bar and he had beer but didn't remember what she had. Howard said this is why JD fucks up. He said that he should know this stuff.
Howard and Robin were asking JD what she ate. JD said he knew what she had to eat. He didn't know what she had to drink. Howard asked why he's embarrassed by this. JD said he's just tired of talking about this. Howard and Robin kept on him and JD just didn't want to talk about it anymore.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who was laughing so hard she could barely speak. She said Howard was cracking her up. Mariann said that this was making her nuts. She was saying something about Ryan Phillippe but Howard didn't understand what she was talking about.
Howard asked JD about Ryan not getting back to him. JD said he was busy so he didn't get back to him. He said it's fine though. That led to Fred and Howard goofing on JD even more though. They were saying that he'd probably leave that girl at home and go to Saturday Night Live alone because you don't bring sand to the beach and you ''don't bring a glass of water to the ocean.''
Howard asked JD if he can imagine falling in love with this girl. JD said that he doesn't think about that. He said he doesn't fantasize about that kind of stuff. JD said he fantasizes about winning his fantasy baseball teams. Howard thanked JD for coming in and let him go finally.
Howard said Lisa is a good catalyst for this stuff. Lisa said that maybe the girl is to blame if she's not that interesting that JD doesn't remember that stuff.
Lisa got back to her news preview and ran down some more stuff that she had in the news. They have a Cousin Brucie story about him getting an honorary doctorate from Montclair University. They also have a story about the guy who used to be on Wonderama and how he's still around. They spoke to him and found out they only have two hours of tape of that show left in a museum.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she loves Fred when he does that JD impression. She said that she was crying hearing that impression. Howard said Fred's JD is a hit. Robin said she loves when he does the cliché things. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and asked where that song came from. He didn't remember it was from his own show. Fred reminded him. Howard said it sounded good. He let it play a little longer. Howard didn't remember it but told Fred he sounded good singing along.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that JD stuff is radio gold. He said that he's glad he's so dumb and fumbles his words. Howard said he's not dumb, he's just awkward. He said the guy is really a great guy and he's not a douche.
The caller said that Ryan Phillippe isn't that good looking either. He said he looks like he's gotten punched in the face. Robin said he is good looking though.
Howard said that he had a game for this caller to play. He has $711 to give away from 7-Eleven. Howard said they have a new game called Two Truths and a Lie and it's about their news department. Howard said they're going to have the caller pick someone from the news department. He picked Steve Langford. He told him to pick out the lie from the stories he tells.
Howard said that one statement was about Steve hosting a pirate radio show called CUNT FM. He also interviewed Jerry Lewis and got punched in the face by Phil Spector. The caller said he's going to guess the hosting of the pirate radio show was the lie. Howard said the caller was wrong and he actually did host that pirate radio show. The lie was that he got punched in the face by Phil Spector.
Howard gave the caller a High Pitch Mike question. He said that his father cried when he came out gay or he had anal sex with a boy who just graduated high school or he was a severe Howarder and it took him months to move out of his apartment.
The caller guessed right when he said it was his father crying. That won him the $711. Howard said he might have to talk to Mike about that gay sex story.
Howard said the game wasn't great because no one even knows anyone in the news department. Gary said that Lisa and Steve are on the air a lot and so is Shuli. Howard said people barely know anything about Fred and he's on the air all the time.
Gary said he was surprised that Howard didn't remember him. Gary said he did overnight's so they followed him and he was always fighting with a listener. Gary said that he was called names and Max would argue that he had his DDS papers and he'd come in with them to prove in was in the service. Howard said Gary is making him miss the guy.
Howard asked Gary to get tape of that so they can listen. Howard asked what happened to him at K-Rock. Gary said he was one of those guys who just went away.
Howard said Samsung has come out saying that 3D TV can be bad for your health. Howard said he doesn't like this 3D thing and he's not into it. He said he doesn't want to watch that all the time on TV.
Captain Janks called in and said that they used to play that ''It's over Johnny'' audio clip on the show all the time when Max was on. Janks also said that it was a prank, he's not dead.
Gary said that Max isn't dead and Janks was the one who pranked them. He's able to fake email addresses so that's how he's been pranking them. Janks said he has a sponsor now and they make it possible for him to do this stuff. Howard let Janks go a short time later saying he didn't really want to get into that. He said that no one cares about spoofing numbers and email addresses except 14 year olds.
Howard said he was all upset about Max and now he's learned that he's not dead. Howard said now the guy is going to call the show wanting to be a guest.
Kristy said she'll show them but someone has to touch them too. Howard said he won't touch. Benjy went over and felt them without her knowing he was sneaking up behind her. She told him to wait until she takes her top off. Benjy took a grab and said they're nice. Benjy was pinching her nipples too. He said that's what he odes when he feels a boob.
Howard said JD should have come in and felt them. He called JD to come in and try it out. JD came in and felt her up and said they felt alright. He said they didn't look as real as... He stumbled and said they looked ''more faker'' on her web site. He said they were fine but her ass was great. Howard said JD seems to be acting like tittie is no big deal since he got tittie on his date. JD said he doesn't like being yelled at.
Howard got back to Kristy and said that she's a stripper and she does featuring dancing around the country. She lets people eat whipped cream off of her boobs.
Howard said Kristy was on the Tila Tequila show and she won, in season 2. Howard said that she was on the show for an entire season and won. Kristy said that you win Tila and she was her girlfriend. Howard asked why she was on the show. She said that she was asked if she liked girls and she said she did so they asked if she wanted to be on a TV show. Kristy said she thought she was going to be off in a couple of weeks. She now claims that the show was scripted and Tila had nothing to do with her after the show. Kristy said it was actually her telling Tila that she didn't want to be her girlfriend because she didn't like her.
Kristy said she didn't win anything from the show and she wasn't paid to do it. She said that took 7 weeks of her life up too. She said that she just won the date with Tila and that was it. Kristy said they did a reunion show and Tila trashed her in that. She doesn't really care though.
Howard said they contacted Tila's people to find out if she wanted to talk to her but they wanted nothing to do with her. Howard asked why she didn't confront her on the reunion show and tell Tila how she felt. She said that Tila was freaking out in her face calling her a fake bitch and stuff.
Howard read that Kristy likes to masturbate all the time and likes to do it while driving around. She said that she'll pull over to do that. Howard said Robin can cum just squeezing her legs together. Kristy said that would be awesome.
Howard read that Kristy let a guy finger her on a plane. She said that she was in the back of the plane and pulled the guy's hand down there. She said she wanted to get off and she did. Howard read some other stories about her letting a guy taking pictures of her naked when she was like 15 or 16. She said that she was letting the guy do it but she barely remembered it.
Kristy said she loves girls too. She said she realized that around 11. Kristy said she would go swimming in the pool with her friends and she always wanted to be with the girls.
Howard asked if she brings girls into the relationship with her boyfriend. She said she will do that sometimes but not when it's just some guy she's hooking up with. Howard asked if she does it with strippers. She said she will do that too.
Howard read that she has a bachelors degree in psychology. Howard said there's always something weird about the degree they have. She said she got that at the college of New Rochelle. Howard said that doesn't sound like a big college to him. She said it is a big college. Gary said he's never heard of that college and they have interns there all the time from the area.
Howard said she's been in Playboy too. Kristy said she was in a few issues. She said that she's had a 7 page layout in one of them. Howard saw some of the pictures on the monitor there. Howard asked if she had a nice vagina. She said it is nice but she's not going to show it to Howard. She had a picture of it there but Howard couldn't see it.
Kristy said she likes smaller dicks too. She said that she'd prefer not to have a big dick because she likes them smaller. She said she can't handle a big one. She said anything over 7 is too much. Howard said he's way under 7 so she's not going to have a problem with him.
Howard thanked Kristy for coming in and gave her some plugs. You can check her out on HowardTV.com or KristyMorgan.net. He let her go after that. Howard said he wonders about Robin's vagina size too.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked what Fred is going to do when he retires. Howard said Fred is going to bury himself alive. He said he and Fred need each other so it would be kind of weird when he retires.
Howard asked Fred if he has anything he wants to do. Fred said he's not sure what he will do when Howard retires. Howard said maybe he and Bobo can teach people how to drive.
Speech Impediment Man called in and asked what he would do on American Idol if he were in charge and if he would bring Paula back. Howard said he's not sure that the show is even going to be around. He said that this girl who is going to win the show is Crystal Bowersox and he heard that she almost left the show this week. He said he heard that Ryan Seacrest talked her into staying.
Howard said the show is boring and predictable and they don't need as many judges as they have. He said Kara is terrible as a judge. He said Simon is the ticket. He doesn't think having Paula back at this point would make a difference. He said that it's too predictable now. Howard said even with Simon it's kind of predictable. He said it becomes tired when they keep doing the same thing over and over.
Speech Impediment Man (SIM) asked Howard if he remembers the TV show Dark Shadows. Howard said he does but he wasn't into it. SIM said that they're going to remake it. Howard said he wasn't into the show.
Howard said he was watching some movies over the weekend. Robin said she saw ''It's Complicated'' and thought Alec Baldwin was great on that. Howard said he likes to watch the previews and they say that every movie is great. Robin said she hates that about the On Demand stuff.
Howard said he saw a movie with Cameron Diaz in it and the description seemed okay but the movie turned out to be shit. He said he spent 2 hours of his life that he wants back. Howard said that you shouldn't rent this movie, it was horrible. Howard said the ending of the movie had nothing to do with anything. He said he has to look up the reviews on the internet from now on. He said that the nudniks on the internet think that everything is good.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she misses Artie but they're doing a great job since he left. She asked Howard if he saw 2012. Howard said he didn't see that one yet. Robin liked it. The caller said she thought it was horrible. She also wondered if Howard was still dancing in the shower and for a deodorant update. Howard said he is back to using Dry Idea. He said that he got back to using the aluminum. Howard said this stuff keeps him dry as a piece of paper and he doesn't have any smell at the end of the day.
The caller also asked Robin what she does with her skin to stay so young looking. Robin said that it's her diet. Howard said he puts aluminum on her face too. Robin said she doesn't use any special creams or anything. Howard said that women who have bad skin just have bad skin. Robin said that is not true. She said that diet can make a difference. Howard said Robin has always had good skin. He said she had good skin even when she was overweight.
Howard said Beth eats like shit and she looks great. He said she has great genetics and that's why she has good skin. Robin said her skin keeps getting better and better. Howard said he knows women who eat healthier than Robin and they look like shit.
The caller thanked Howard and Robin for bringing her so much happiness over the years. Howard let her go after that.
Howard and Robin talked about her diet some more and Robin insisted her skin has gotten better. Howard said he sees her every day and it's genetic. He said she has no control over it.
Another caller told Howard to please not retire. He went on to ask about Jay Leno and David Letterman having the same guests on at the same time. He said he was watching Lisa Lampanelli on Jay the other night and they both had the same musical guest on. Howard said maybe Dave shot a show on a Thursday and Jay had them the same night. Howard then found out that Dave was in reruns last week.
Howard said they're saying that the 84 year old is asking Oprah to take a DNA test to show that she is his daughter. Howard said that the guy wants to make up with her now but he had many years he could have done this. Howard read about how the guy was willing to take the test himself.
Howard read more details about that and found out that it wasn't the NY Post, it was the National Enquirer who revealed the guy's identity. Howard said she wasn't looking for that to be revealed. He said he doesn't know what to think. He said he doesn't know that much about Oprah to know if the back story about the father and if he even knew he was the father.
Howard played the new call and they had Lupe talking to Big Foot asking him if he had a big penis and things like that. They played clip of her talking dirty to Big Foot and he tells her he has 9 1/2 inches. Then he asks if she wants him to whip it out and he does. Then he starts jerking off to the sound of her voice. Big Foot was moaning along with her asking if she was thinking about him. Big Foot went on for a couple of minutes doing that. He said he came all over his hand. He said ''I have to clean up it is.''
Robin said she got sick hearing that. Howard said Big Foot was very nonchalant about that. He said it must happen to him often. He said he liked how he answered the phone ''hello, it's Big Foot.'' Robin said she liked how he said he wanted to fuck her like ''an aminal.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was a funny call. He said it was creepy at the same time. Howard said he can imagine Sal and Richard doing a new call every day with those clips. He said they must have called other people with those clips already. The caller said it was a fantastic call.
Howard took another call from a guy who said Lupe is radio gold. Howard said they could probably call Big Foot every day for a month and get the same outcome. Sal and Richard came in and said that they probably could do that. Sal said they told him that they had a hot chick fan of his before calling him with the clips.
Richard said they called plumbers and barber shops with her clips too. Richard said they're still working on those calls. Howard told them to call into Tradio with those clips. He said that they'll never get tired of her.
The caller asked Howard if anyone on the show has ever made it into his will and if they have been taken out. Howard said they have. He said he can't say who it was because he doesn't want anyone killing him. He said he did take the person out and he's not going to say who it was.
Howard said he got some email about Tila Tequila and what Ralph was saying about it. Howard said that Tim Sabean wanted to play it on Best of the Week but they didn't end up using it. Gary said that Howard said not to play it so they didn't.
Gary told Howard about another Little Lupe clip to play. He said that they had Little Lupe voice the Best of the Week stuff but she can't read English so they had audio of her boyfriend, Evan, reading it to her and having her repeat. Howard played some of that audio and Evan was even giving her the pronunciation of the words in her language.
Howard said he has a theory that putting something in your ear is going to damage your hearing. He said talking to his parents is really annoying now. He did an impression of what that would sound like. He had his mom saying ''what'' and his father not being able to hear him when he calls them on the phone. Howard did impressions of both of them talking to him on the phone and not being able to hear.
Howard said they have that woman from FOX News coming in tomorrow. He said her name is Megyn Kelly. He said that they have the hottest chicks over there at FOX News. He said he was making a point about how they have such hot chicks on the news and they don't hire any Gabourey Sidibe-like women to do that job. Robin said that Gabby is only 21. Howard said he thought she was 39 from the note he got on the computer. He said that turned out to be Megyn who is 39.
Howard said he was watching Megyn on TV in the bathroom and even Beth noticed how hot she was. Howard said that she's a good reader and very intelligent. He said that she's smart, super hot and just amazing.
Howard said he'll have to ask Megyn if you have to be a right wing maniac to work at FOX. He said she slants things kind of conservative and he's seen her smirk when a liberal says something she doesn't agree with.
Howard said FOX News shows the whole body of these women when they're on. He said they hide some women but not Megyn. He said they will show her legs. Howard said he has to write down some questions for her tomorrow. He said he has to ask her who dresses her and things like that.
Jeff the Drunk called in and asked Howard to put him in his will. Howard said he's not going to do that. He said Jeff would kill him. Jeff said he just wants to see what it's like to be in the will. Howard said that's not happening.
Howard asked Jeff who gets the van he's living in when he dies. Jeff said he never thought about that. Howard said that he should take care of that stuff pronto. Howard said he should do that.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he would take Stuttering John back. Howard said he would never let him back on the show. He said it's not because he went to Leno's show either. He said that John started bad mouthing him after he had him to his house in the Hamptons. He said he has to say no to that. Howard said he's never going to have anything to do with him ever again. Howard said he would hire Jay Leno before he'd hire John again. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and mentioned they have a new Wack Packer contest coming up. The last time they did one they found Big Foot. They have a $5,000 prize to give the winner.
Howard took a call from a guy, Johnny, who claims to have shot a guy while he was sitting on a toilet. Johnny told Howard how they did it. He said the guy was sitting in a little hut and they watched what he was doing for a while and gave word to HQ what he was doing. They watched him for a while and set up his sights on the window of this hut and took him out. He said when the patrol came by the checked it out and found he had been sitting on the toilet taking a shit at the time he shot him.
Howard asked Johnny if he ever felt bad about shooting a guy and didn't take the shot. Johnny said he had to do his job. Those were his orders and he has never not taken a shot like Howard said. Johnny said that he used to be a great shot too but he was involved in a roadside bombing and he got caught in the concussion so he got thrown like 100 feet and had some injuries. He said he's still out on medical leave. The guy said he's 54 now.
Howard said it's pretty cool that he was that good of a shot. He said he must have pretty good vision to do that. He was also saying that the guy taking the shit didn't know what hit him so that might be the way to go out. Johnny said he had 19 confirmed kills over the years and he's not sure why other guys don't talk about this stuff. He said it doesn't bother him because it was his job. Howard said without guys like this they wouldn't have their freedoms. Howard said they should have fished that shit out of the bowl and wore it as a necklace. Howard said that's what he would have done.
Howard thanked Johnny for the call and said he hopes he feels better. Johnny said he used to get copies of Howard TV from his wife so they could watch that stuff. He said that they loved playing Win Fred's Money and Stump the Booey over there. He said they loved Savanna Samson too. Howard said he should be able to fuck her because he's a hero. The guy said he'd be happy just to give her some oral. Howard let him go after that.
Shuli said they have a story about High Pitch Eric who was spotting having coffee in a hotel. He said that Eric met the manager of the Angels and he was promised tickets to the game and got to meet some players.
Shuli said that he's been trying to set up Underdog Lady to come back on the show. Shuli said that she will come back but she doesn't want Howard asking her any questions of a sexual nature and doesn't want the fans bothering her. Howard said he can't promise that stuff. He said he just hopes she's okay.
Shuli said they have a story about Johnny Fratto and Eric the Midget. It turns out Eric has demands to get Johnny back into his good graces. Johnny said Eric has lost his mind and he's worse than any girlfriend he's had and he's not avoiding him, he's just buys working on his book.
Shuli mentioned that Greg Fitzsimmons has Andy Dick on his show tonight. Howard said he wanted Andy to come on his show too after Andy had asked why they don't have him on anymore. Howard told Shuli to go back to his daughter ''Obi Wan Kenobi'' and let him go.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked Robin where she got her bra and how it's holding up. They told Robin she was a G-cup there. Howard said they told Lisa G she's a D-cup. Robin said that the bra is holding up fine. Howard asked how often you wash a bra. Robin said you can wear it a couple of days. Howard said he'd wait like a week. He said that your tits don't sweat that much.
The caller told Robin it was V-day this weekend. She said it was to support non-violence around the country. Robin said she would love to participate in that.
Howard said Robin is supposed to do the Wendy Williams show soon so she's busy doing some kind of tour of her own.
The caller also pointed out that Ashley Dupre had pit stains during the show when she was on last week. Gary said they got bigger and bigger as the interview went on. Howard said she might need a new deodorant so he suggested Dry Idea. Howard said that was a lot of sweat in the pictures.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the list of things they had to talk about today. He mentioned JD saying ''more faker'' when he was talking about Kristy's boobs earlier. That led to Howard wondering how JD can talk like that after going to Full Sail college. JD came in and said that they don't teach English at that school. JD said he just doesn't have time to think before he speak sometimes. Howard let JD go and said he was all defeated when he left.
Robin read a story about a study that showed men with monotone voices having more sexual partners than others. Howard said good looking guys don't even have to talk at all to get women.
Robin read about the Space Shuttle having a delayed return because of cloud cover. Robin said that they always delay it when they have that going on. Howard had some audio clips of Shaq playing a genie in a movie that he played. He said that might be the worst movie ever made.
Robin read a story about an Osama bin Laden Facebook page that was shut down. She said it was shut down after about 1000 people were friended.
Robin read about the volcano in Iceland shutting down a lot of flights in Europe. Howard said the world is a very volatile place and he thinks that if they blew up the moon it would fix a lot of things. Robin wasn't so sure that would fix the volcano thing. Howard said he thinks it would. He said that women's periods wouldn't even be that violent if they did that. Benjy said there are some people who think that the moon does affect the earthquakes and volcano eruptions.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him if he would eat Ellen Degeneres' dirty asshole or lick the balls of Jay Leno. Howard said he would do the dirty asshole on a woman before he'd lick Jay Leno's balls. He quickly hung up on the guy.
Robin said the ash from that volcano is still affecting the flights in Europe and people are stuck here in this country and over in Europe too. Robin said they think that they'll get some flights up today but it's still not up to where it should be. They're testing the skies over there to see if the ash is going to be an issue. Robin said they said that they're losing $250 million a day because of the shutdowns. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about being stuck down in Washington DC and how he had to stay in a hotel that was doubling its rates.
A caller told Howard that the moon stabilized the Earth's axis and if they got rid of the moon they'd all die. Howard said he doesn't know about that. Robin said that Howard doesn't know anything so she's not taking his word on any of this.
Robin had some more audio clips of people talking about not being able to fly back home to England. Howard said he's not even sure where Iceland is but he's guessing it's between us and England. Robin said it is but the ash is spreading all over the place. Robin said they don't know how long the ash is going to be spewing either.
Robin read about how the President is going to get to name a Supreme Court Justice. Howard said that's one of the most important things a President can do. Robin had some audio of President Clinton talking about how he wouldn't want that spot on the Supreme Court but his wife would be another good choice.
Robin read about Clinton also talking about the Middle East and how we need peace over there. Howard gave a ''Duh!'' to that. Robin had him play some audio of what Clinton was saying.
Howard did a live commercial during the news. Robin got back to her news and read about a doorman union strike that's going to be happening today in New York City. Robin said that last happened in 1991 when they went on strike for two weeks.
Gary came in and told Howard that he ran an elevator for an afternoon when they went on strike in 1991. Gary said that he volunteered to do that. Gary said Howard could do something like that and volunteer in his building. Howard wondered if he'd get the uniform for that.
Robin read about Tiger Woods and Elin spending time apart. Howard said Tiger is going to miss hittin' that if he divorces her. He said that she's got two kids and she's got an amazing body. Howard said he'd hit that so hard she wouldn't know what hit her. Howard said that guy could never get a girl like that if he didn't golf. Howard said that Elin is so hot. He said she's probably going to go out and get a hot guy now. He said she never would have been with Tiger if he wasn't playing golf and making millions. They spent a few minutes on that subject.
Robin read a story about Lucy Baines Johnson who collapsed last week with a very rare auto immune disorder called Guillain-Barre syndrome. Robin read the details of that story. Howard said he would be really bummed if he had something like that.
Robin read about how Iran has said they're going to continue to grow their nuclear program. They're claiming it's just for nuclear reactors but the West think that they're building nuclear weapons.
Robin read a story about a protest going on at the Washington Monument about the right to bear arms.
Robin read a story about a school that was named the biggest party school in the country. Howard said it would be embarrassing to get a degree from a party school.
Robin had a story about the Pope going around on a tour and how he's been hearing stories about the child molestation cover ups. Robin said that they're saying that they want to prevent any future incidents like that from happening. Howard said it's all a publicity stunt and they had him doing that to make him look like a good guy. Howard did his Pope impression for a minute during that story.
Robin read a story about how Moby had purchased a home for 3.9 million and it was owned by Debbie Matanopolis. She wondered how that was possible. Then she read that she was married to some big wig out there.
Robin read about the number one movie at the box office this weekend. She read the details about that and also about some upcoming movies. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about working with Jennifer Lopez in a movie. Howard didn't last long with that clip. That led to Howard talking about how much of a control freak J-Lo's husband seems to be. Howard said the guy doesn't seem to be a happy guy either. He said he always has a scowl on his face. Robin said the guy looks like he's about to fall over and break because he's so skinny.
Robin read some news about the movie ''The Losers'' and had some audio of some of the guys talking about working in that movie. Howard lasted about 3 seconds with that clip. She had some audio of Zoe Saldana talking about the movie ''Avatar'' too.
Howard said he bought Sherlock Holmes on Blu-Ray and it was $29. He said he's only going to watch it once so that was pretty expensive.
Robin had some audio of Lisa Kudrow talking about returning to movies. Howard said he thinks that she's not liked so much by Courteney Cox and Jennifer Aniston. They never hang together. Howard said maybe Lisa isn't good looking enough to hang with them.
Robin had some more audio of people talking about their upcoming movies. That led to Howard complaining about the sound quality at the press junkets and doing his Cousin Brucie impression for a few seconds before ending the show. They ended it around 10:45am.
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JD said that he hasn't heard from ''certain people'' today. He said that the other person may be upset with him about what happened today. Jon said that JD didn't say that much today. He asked Gary what he should do. Gary said he had a girl meet him at NBC one time and she got upset when they discussed her on the air. Gary said it turned out to be a nightmare because Fred played dog howling sounds and they were saying that he had her changed up to the desk downstairs and stuff. Gary said she got upset but no one knew who she was. Gary said sometimes people think that everyone knows who they are but then they calm down when they think about what happened.
Jon said this girl is a fan of the show so she should know what happens. Gary asked JD what he said that she should be upset about. JD said he didn't say anything but he doesn't want to upset her more. JD said she's upset about the job stuff. Jon said he didn't say what she does for work though. JD said he's not sure who she has told from work.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that JD is full of shit and he's just trying to keep up with Medicated Pete. JD said ''...that doesn't, it doesn't... ah forget it...'' He said he doesn't feel the need to compete with Pete. He said that he'd rather bash his head into the wall. JD said he doesn't feel the need to compete with anyone, not just Pete. The caller said he thinks that he's upset about the Ashley Dupre thing and this is his way of dealing with it.
Jon said that this whole thing started when JD was in with Lisa G but he knows that the news department is slammed with Steve not being there today so she may not make it in. Steve is on vacation and Jim McClure said he thinks that Steve is in the Caribbean with his family.
Jon played a clip from the show where Howard was doing his impression of JD and goofing on him. After that JD was still acting like he was upset. Jon asked what was up with that. JD said he just had a long day.
Benjy asked JD what the girl wrote to him when she contacted him. JD said it was just a hello at first. Jon asked if his defenses go up when someone like that comes to him. JD said that they do because he has been scammed by dudes before. He thanked Gary for reminding him about that. Benjy asked if this is definitely a girl. JD said she is.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that this started out with someone who is in a line of business where they get paid. JD said that he can think what he wants but he can't go into what her job is and things like that. JD said that some people don't want that stuff exposed and he has to be Mr. Quiet.
Benjy asked JD some more questions about this girl and JD said he has remembered certain things that he didn't talk about on the air. He said he's trying to protect her privacy so that's what he's doing. JD said he's already told too much.
Benjy missed the earlier discussion so he didn't now that JD had some negative feedback. JD said he has apologized for what happened. Jon said she should know how the show works though. JD said he can only say what he's been told so that's that.
Jon took a call from a guy who told JD that he should have been slaying girls left and right hanging out with Ryan Phillippe. Gary said that just doesn't happen though. He said that Ryan can't just tell a girl to get with JD. JD said if that was the case he'd have a much happier life.
Jon asked JD who is more disappointed in not going to the SNL after party, JD or Lisa G. JD said it's probably Lisa G. He said that he tried texting Ryan but he was probably busy. Gary asked if he only texted him once. JD said it was once on Tuesday and that was it. Gary said he probably should have tried one more time. He said that would have been enough. JD said he just wanted to let Ryan do his thing. He said he's not sure if he didn't want him there or not. He said maybe Abby Elliot got to him and told him not to invite him. Gary asked if he was crushed or pissed. JD said he's fine.
Benjy asked why Lisa G would have been crushed. JD said she's living through people so that's why she'd be crushed. Jon said JD is saying that she's living vicariously through JD and she would have loved it if he had gone to the party.
Gary said he thinks that Lisa would have liked to have gone. The party would have been late on Saturday night/Sunday morning though. Benjy said he's been to one of the parties. He said he snuck in on one but then he went to another one he was invited to. Gary said he was invited to the one he went to. Gary said he went to SNL and got introduced to Adam Sandler who wasn't very big at the time. He said they didn't know what to say to each other so they just walked away.
Another caller said that JD has no ability to say anything. He was also pointing out that he had said that JD said that the girl he went on the date with worked at ''a business'' so he's not going to get anyone recognized over that. JD said he's done talking about that and he doesn't want to get into it anymore.
After the clip the guys talked about Lisa's assumption. They were also talking about how Lisa was on Hot 97 for a long time so maybe that helped her pick up on something. JD said maybe she has Race-dar like some people have Gaydar.
Jon asked the guys how they thought Lisa looked. Gary said he didn't really notice anything other than the leather jacket. Jon said Howard noticed it though. He said he picked up on it a couple of times last week and this week.
Jon and Gary talked about how they think Lisa figured out that she should ask Alliah about fashion. They were coming up with theories on how it happened.
Gary asked Jason to bring in a list of things that Lisa is uncomfortable talking about because she seems to have a lot. He said she wouldn't talk about what she paid Alliah. He said that he'd like to know what else she's said she doesn't want to talk about.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Lisa G might be pleasant to work with but she comes across as arrogant on the air and he doesn't like her. He said she's single for a reason. Gary asked what that reason is. The guy said she has a repulsive personality. He said they're not just coming out and talking about what a bitch she is. He said that he'd rather deal with Tila Tequila than Lisa G.
Gary said he thinks that the man that is good enough for Lisa is yet to be born. He said she has very high standards and no man is good enough for her. The caller said he thinks that Lisa is just annoying. He said that she's all about herself all the time. The guy said that there's no way that she's a D-cup either. Gary and JD agreed with him on that.
The caller said that he's had enough of Lisa and he thinks that he's speaking for the guys there. Gary said she's given them some great material for the air. He said Lisa put that ''Roll Call'' thing up on her web site and she thought that people were clamoring for it. The caller said no one was clamoring for that. Gary said that was the funny part of that whole thing though. That's why she's good for the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Lisa might just be trying to get some dick in her life. Gary said he doesn't think she'd have any problem getting dick but that doesn't appear to be a priority in her life. He said that her financial stability and finding the right person to spend time with might be up there too.
Jon said he heard that Robin and Alliah were out talking at the front desk. He wasn't sure what was going on though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Lisa G's Ds are relative to her size. He said that she has a D-cup on her frame. Gary said he still thinks that's ridiculous but he wouldn't fight it if someone told him that his penis was 15 inches long.
The caller was also saying that JD doesn't ever have anything to say and he probably thinks that he has nothing to offer women so maybe that's why he has problems. JD said that could be it. He said his father was never a big talker either. Gary said that was surprising because he sounds like he's got plenty to say.
JD said he isn't saying he has nothing to offer but he doesn't have anything significant to say. Gary said that's almost the same thing. Jon said that seems like pretty low self esteem. JD said he knows he has low self esteem. Gary asked if he ever tires to do anything about that. JD said he has. Gary said he used to be even quieter about it than that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has a theory about the news department. He said they're like a higher functioning Wack Pack. Gary said that they all have pretty good resume's. The caller said that they are good but they do come across as having one line things that they do. Gary said he didn't see that in them.
That led to the guys talking about the revelations they had on the show today and how High Pitch Mike had anal sex with a guy who just graduated high school recently. JD laughed his ass off when he heard that. He said he didn't hear that during the show today. They weren't sure who received the anal, Mike or the young man.
Shuli came in and said that he thinks that Mike was ''pitching'' but even he wasn't sure. Shuli said that Mike wasn't exactly going around telling everyone about that in the news room.
That led to Shuli saying that he changed his name to Sean when he was in school and there are still people who call him that. He said he was Sean from early on right until he was in High School. Gary asked what his real name is. Shuli said his name is actually Shaul. He said Shuli was an easier way of spelling the name but it's actually the female version of it. He said it should be Shauli.
Jon asked if he was upset about Gary saying his daughter's middle name wrong. Shuli said that his wife's family still says her name wrong. Gary called her ''Yale'' instead of ''Yael.''
Jon asked Benjy if he always went by Benjy. Benjy said that he's always been a Benjy as far as he can remember. Jon asked JD what he goes by. JD said he goes by Jaime most of the time. He said they called him Jaime in school. Jon goes by Yosef sometimes.
Shuli said it was shitty growing up with a weird name in the States but he's very proud of his name now. He said he wishes he wouldn't have changed it.
Gary said he had a friend who had a last name that a woman just didn't want to take. He said that she didn't want to live through that war of having a tough name. Shuli said that you have to have some adversity in your life. They had to go to break after that.
Jon said he hopes Gange is okay. He said that he's always out sick and if he was out on a day that a Miss Howard TV was out, then it must be serious.
Jon said that Kristy was just about begging people to feel her up. Benjy was the first one to do it and he was just ''fooling around'' when he grabbed her from behind. Benjy said that they seemed fine to him and they didn't seem ''implanty'' to him.
JD also felt them and said that on her web site they looked more round than natural breasts. JD said they looked better in person and they were jiggly. Benjy asked him how they compared to that girl at her job. JD called him an asshole for bringing that up.
Jon asked Gary about the college of New Rochelle which was the school she claimed to have gotten her degree from. Gary said he had never heard of it in the history of the show and it's probably only 20 miles away. Benjy said he had heard of it before.
Gary said he has the news department working on a story about Full Sail. They looked in the school's hall of fame and JD wasn't in there. He said the news department is going to find out why.
JD said he wouldn't mind being in the hall of fame but he's not sure he'd want to go in as ''Howard Stern Show Goofball'' or something like that. He'd rather go in as a filmmaker or something.
Gary said that JD is a producer so he should be in there. He said that JD is like a producer/writer and he is good at what he does. Benjy said it would be funny if they put him in for going out on a date with Ashley Dupre.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she wanted to give him some advice. She said that his hair looks good long and she's not sure why they tell him to cut it. She said that she saw him on the TV show and it looked nice long. She thought he was rockin' a look there. JD said he doesn't like his hair long. She told him that it looks better long. JD said that other girls have told him to keep it short so girls just love fucking with his head. She told him that it gives him an edge.
Benjy asked the woman if she is into JD enough to let him feel her up at her work place. She said she works with kids so she can't do that. Gary asked if they were in nap time now. She said she's not at work right now. The woman said that JD is very cute with long hair and she hopes that she made his day. JD just thanked her. JD said that woman sounded like she was on a respirator.
Benjy wondered how Janks got it past him. Benjy said that anyone can do what Janks did though. He said it wasn't a great test. He said the big test would have been to send one as Tiger Woods' wife or from Tom Brokaw or someone like that.
Gary said he knew the Elin email was fake. Gary said he read that spoofing a number is illegal now. Janks said that it hasn't passed yet but they are trying to pass a law but it may not affect him. Gary said that they could probably say that he is causing them harm and get him in trouble.
Janks said he knew Max Kinkel and he had told him that Jackie Martling had passed away and he talked about that on the air. Gary said Janks is good at what he does and he's unbelievably persistent at what he does.
Jon let Janks go and took a call from a woman who said that they have so many creepy things on the show lately with the ''let the poison out'' thing and the Big Foot call. She said that she was freaked out by that call today. Gary said he listened to it today and thought it was the creepiest thing that he had heard in a long time.
Gary said that the creepiest thing was when Big Foot asked if the girl wanted him to shit on her. JD laughed his ass off when he heard that. Benjy said that the Big Foot thing is creepy but he'd have to pick the Sybian ride thing as being even creepier.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he wants to help JD out. He said that JD's incoherent babbling shouldn't have gotten the woman upset. He said that it makes him angry that he wasn't able to understand what JD even said. He can't believe the girl is upset about it. JD didn't say anything about where it was or who she was. Benjy said that if other people knew who he was and met him there, then maybe she's upset about it.
The caller said JD could have made up lies and no one would have known who she was. He said he doesn't get why the woman was so upset. He said he would just dump the chick if she doesn't get the show. The guy said that she's not going to get JD if she doesn't get it now.
Jon asked JD what he thinks is going to happen. JD said he didn't know any of this was going to happen today. He said he'll have to see if he has any messages waiting for him at his desk. Benjy told him to go to her workplace and tell her ''Bitch, this is the way it is.'' JD didn't think that would be a good idea. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about how he had to sort through his email. He said he got a lot of email about the headphone discussion he had yesterday. A bunch of guys wanted him to check out a bunch of different ones but he doesn't have the time to check them all out and get back to these people. He said he needs to take meetings during his therapy sessions or something.
Howard said he had knee pain too and Dr. Sarno told him it was nothing. He said he figured out the good sneakers he was running in were the reason he didn't have knee pain. He said he liked this certain model and they stopped making them. He said they discontinued this model and now he can't find something nice. He said he'd like it if they just kept making the same line. Howard said they say there's a new version but it sucks... He thinks. Howard said he thinks he's just out of it.
Howard said he wants a mommy to take care of him and get the right sneakers for him. He said he wants someone to wrap him in a baby blanket and just take care of him. He said he's really broken inside.
Robin said there's this new thing in Las Vegas where people are scooting around in their scooters and they eat and drink inside the hotel while in the scooters. Robin said that everyone is able bodied in them and they're just lazy people.
Howard said he had a call from a guy who says that he can get any sneaker he wants from amazon.com. Howard picked up on him and the guy told him he can find just about anything there. Howard said he'll have Gary check it out. The caller also told him he thinks the reason his balls were bleeding was because he was running through the Brambles.
Howard said Ralph told him he had to turn the show off yesterday because it was so sad to hear him falling apart. He said that it's also Ralph's birthday today.
Howard said he doesn't understand these companies that change their stuff when they make something good. He said he's thinking about disconnecting his Wi-Fi in the house because he doesn't use it all that much. He said he's pretty much in the same location when he uses his computer. Howard said the battery never lasts's long when he's using it anyway. Howard said it's like radiation around you and he thinks he should just turn it off. Robin said it's all around him anyway so even if he turns his off it's still going to be around. Howard said it's like 10 times as strong though so it's like smoking 10 cigarettes instead of just one. Robin said even if Howard turns his off though, it's going to be around him all over and he'll be walking through it. His walls aren't blocking it.
Howard said he was watching 60 Minutes and they had people with Lou Gehrig's disease and that looks awful. Robin said she thought that was one of the things that Jerry Lewis covers with his telethon. Gary said she's wrong about that but Robin insisted she's right. Howard
Robin said a few years ago Howard was calling for everything to be wired for Wi-Fi. Howard said he didn't know it was going to cause cancer. Fred told Howard that it really is everywhere already. Howard said he should become Amish. He said they have the right idea. They don't use anything like that.
Robin read a note saying that Lou Gehrig's disease is part of the Muscular Dystrophy thing. Howard said Robin was right again.
Robin told Howard about the fake fireplaces that the Amish sell with candles inside that make it look real. Howard and Robin spent a minute on that. Howard said if he had to go out and catch everything he ate he'd probably lose weight that way.
Howard said Andy Dick was on the Greg Fitzsimmons show last night. He said Andy is funny but he's really fucked up. Howard had some clips from the show to play. Howard found one and played that. In the clip Andy talked about how he screwed up his relationship with Ben Stiller. Ben used to use Andy in stuff all the time. Andy was saying he sent Ben some old stuff from the Ben Stiller show and a note to Ben saying he didn't know what happened to ''us'' and he thinks that Ben took it to heart as being real and he may have thought he was fuckin' nuts. Andy was also saying he thinks Ben wants to get into politics and that might be another reason.
Howard said that might be the least of it and Robin added that Andy could be a handful to deal with. Howard said in another clip Andy talked about walking into other people's homes.
In that clip a caller was asking Andy what was up with that walking into those homes. Andy said that shouldn't happen. Andy said that he's in this shed on his ex-wife's property.
Howard cut it off saying Andy is living in a plastic shed which doesn't have any plumbing so he's pissing in a bucket now.
He got back to the clip and Andy talked about how he was out one night and he wasn't even drinking. He said he hadn't had anything in a year and a half. Andy said he knew of a place down the street he could walk to. He went down there and the place is on a dark road. It was midnight and about 40 degrees out. Andy said he got lost walking there and then saw some Christmas lights on a house. He said he saw them and they looked so inviting that he walked up to the house. He said he saw people with wine glasses so he just walked up to the house. He knocked and walked in. The people freaked out and they called 9-1-1. Andy thinks that they freaked out because he said he wasn't the fire department. Andy said that someone recognized him but they ushered him out of the house. He said he was just going to walk back home. Andy said someone else asked him to come in and have a glass of wine. Andy said the guy was lying to keep him there while the cops came. He said that like 20 cops showed up.
Howard said he'd be in a major panic if that was him. He can't imagine doing something like that. Howard said the whole interview was pretty fascinating. He had a clip of Andy talking about why he's living in the plastic shed on his ex-wife's property. Howard said that was probably Andy's property before he divorced.
In that clip Andy talked about this shed that's like $3-5,000. He said it was like 20 feet long. Andy said that he got it insulated and spent another 5 grand on it.
Howard said it's probably illegal to live in. He said this guy was in movies and sitcoms and now he has no money.
Andy said he was living in a green shed and there is no bathroom in there. Andy said he has a bucket to pee in. He said he lives in there alone with a bunny rabbit. Andy said it's a shed but he calls it the guest house or the man cave. Greg kept calling it a trailer and wouldn't say it was a shed. He said this was amazing. Howard said Jeff the Drunk lives better than Andy.
Howard said Andy was also talking about how he can call Dr. Drew and talk to him for free. Howard said that's some perk to have. He said Dr. Drew will actually take his calls at 3 in the morning.
Howard said that was some funny stuff on Greg's show. Howard said he's happy to have Greg along on the channels.
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Robin said they want it to be part of phones so you don't have to carry a different device. Howard said they have it on the internet too. The caller said he used to be able to get it on the wireless but now they charge 3 bucks a month to do that. He said that they've added other fees since the merger. He said he doesn't get why they do that.
Howard said maybe they'll go off and do something on their own in 8 months. He said that maybe they need to get away from this place and do their own thing. The caller told Howard and Robin about the extra charges and how you have to pay like 5 bucks to get Oprah and Opie and Anthony. Howard said he thought they had an Ala carte thing going on too. He said he'll figure out what to do in 8 months and maybe charge people 5 bucks a month to get his own channel.
Howard said he likes satellite radio but he thinks they need to figure out a way to get it out there to people. He thinks that it's going to keep getting better and better though. The caller said it's up to Howard though. He said they need him there.
The caller asked if they're going to look for another comedian to fill in Artie's seat. Howard said Gary talked to Artie and he's sounding better. Howard said he's not sure what's going to happen though. He said Artie is great.
Gary said Gange was breathing so heavily that people were looking to see what was going on from 40 feet away. Howard said he's a fat fuck and when you eat crappy food and don't get exercise, that's what happens.
Howard said Tim Sabean is walking around with a big thing in his ear like a Borg. He said that's why Tim wants to shit in the bathroom there in the compound.
Ronnie came in and said that he spoke to Gange over the weekend and he was on his way to a clinic at a CVS Pharmacy. He said he called over to another one because there were too many people. He got there and there were too many people there too. It turns out he has a respiratory infection from a sinus infection. He said he's at home dying now.
Howard said that people are saying that Ronnie's glasses are no good. Howard said he likes them. Robin said the red thing on the side doesn't look good. Ronnie said he doesn't like that either. Scott DePace said they look horrible. He said they look red and they look really bad. Doug Goodstein said that they're Prada and he thought Prada was for women.
Howard asked if everyone has commented on the glasses and said they don't look good. Doug said everyone thinks they look gay. Ronnie said they're a bunch of jerk offs back there.
Fred said he doesn't like the tint on the glasses. Ronnie said that light bothers him and he needs that. Fred said he'd rather see full tint instead of the graduated tint. Howard said maybe they just don't like Ronnie's face.
Howard said Gange went to a clinic at CVS and that doesn't sound good. Robin said that's like Jackie finding the foot doctor in the penny saver magazine. Howard said that's right. Robin said Gange should have a regular doctor if he's going to be that sick all the time.
Howard said he's much older than Gange and he has more stress but he's not as sick as he is. Robin said Gange doesn't associate that illness with what he eats or anything. Howard asked Doug how many days he's missed. Doug said he has missed two days so far and he was sick for at least 4 days.
Doug said that Gange's illness came on quick too. It started out on Wednesday and by Friday he sounded like he was choking on a chicken bone.
Howard spent a minute talking about how he doesn't care if people don't want her on the show. He just wants to look at her. He said they show her whole body on the news and it's like jerking off material.
Howard wondered if Beth would share the bed with him and Megyn. He said Beth has said that he'd have to find the right girl to do something like that. So far every girl he has pointed out has been the wrong girl. Howard said Megyn looks super clean to him and she might be the right one. He said he'll have to call Beth and ask if she approves.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she wanted to comment on Stuttering John. She said that people like John have to take after people like Bubba who is so loyal to Howard. She asked if Howard would be okay with Bubba taking over for him if he leaves. Howard said he'd be fine with that but it would be irrelevant. He said the company should make Bubba happy and keep him there no matter what. Howard said not everyone enjoys him and not all of his fans enjoy him but they should keep him in the fold.
Howard said they have Rob Barnett coming in today and he was in charge with replacing them at CBS. He said they're going to talk about that with him today. He said Bubba has become part of their family and SIRIUS should hold on to them and a bunch of other people there if he leaves. Howard said it would be good to have some good programming with a professional like Bubba.
The caller also asked Howard who he would be calling for a date if Beth were to pass away or if they split up. Howard said he has a few people he'd have to fuck. Jenny McCarthy was one of them. He said it still irks him that he didn't get her when he had the chance. He said he'd have to do Jillian Barberie too. He said he knows she's married but he's pretty sure she would cheat to be with him.
Howard said he would also like to get Sandra Bullock because she's very vulnerable right now. The caller asked Howard to pick one name. Howard said Kate Beckinsale is one. He said maybe he'd go after Tiger's wife Elin. He said that she's got kids though. Howard said she's going to need a lot of care.
Robin asked about Kate Hudson. Howard said he might have to do her too. He said she's got a lot of kooky behavior. He said he doesn't think she'd be that into him. He said she was into A-Rod. Howard said he would bang her but he's not going to date her.
Howard said he'd like to bang Rihanna too. He said he can't date her because she put up with that nut Chris Brown. He can't have that going on in his life. The caller asked about Robin. Howard said he and Robin have never hooked up. He said that they have both avoided each other over the years. He said he should have banged Robin while he was between women. Robin said he can't just bang her.
The caller said that Howard and Robin should do it. She said that Robin won't be a home wrecker but she'd be all over Howard if he was single. Howard said Robin would laugh at his penis so he can't be with her. Howard said she'd be saying ''I can't feel it in me... is it in?'' He imagined her laughing at him when she sees his penis. Howard said he couldn't handle it if that happened.
The caller said she has a pet peeve where people say that they ''texted'' because that isn't correct. Howard said he doesn't like that either but it's the way people say it. He said that maybe it is right. She said that it's supposed to be ''they text me'' and not ''texted.'' Robin said she thinks that ''texted'' is correct.
Howard said he was reading a story in the paper about a guy who had a farm they were using for people to fuck. He said that they found some mice that they were using to put inside of people. Howard said they had strings attached to their tails. Howard said they found one guy as he was getting ready to molest a dog. Howard brought all of this up after hearing Big Foot saying he wanted to fuck Lupe like an ''aminal.''
Howard said Oprah had Mo'Nique's whole family on her show. Her brother was feeling victimized that she came out talking about molesting her. Howard said he was yelling at the TV and one of the brothers was smiling while it was all going on.
Howard said he doesn't watch Oprah a lot but he couldn't walk away from that show yesterday. He said Beth had it on and he walked into the room and wasn't able to stop watching. Howard said there was some crazy stuff in that interview. He said if Mo'Nique was there it would have been fireworks on the show. Howard went to break after that. He said he didn't want to break but he had to. He said he would prefer it if they didn't have any breaks at all.
Howard came back and said that is one of his least favorite Beatles songs ever. Robin said it's a great song. Howard said it's not that great.
Howard said Rivers Cuomo from Weezer has gone back to Harvard to finish his educational. He said he's kind of funny and he tweeted that he wishes he could Autotune his face. Howard said he knows what that's like. He wishes he could do that too.
Howard said he's been trying to figure out this Goldman Sachs thing that's going on. He went through it and said that they knew that they were putting people in bad investments. He said you should feel safe going into an investment with a company like that though. He said it's a little weird. He said the head of the company is saying they're all wrong and they weren't doing that.
Howard said they did this 10 questions for Diane Sawyer in this magazine and she was asked what her least favorite interview was. She mentioned some Admiral and he would try to throw people off their game during the interview. He called her dumb as soon as they started the interview. Howard said that's a nut job right there.
Howard said he was listening to Shuli on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and he was talking about his name being a pain in the ass as a kid and he hated his name so much he changed it to Sean. Howard said he eventually changed it to Shuli from Shaouli. Howard said he asked Shuli yesterday why he would put his kid through that. He said Shuli ended up liking his name so he figured his daughter would too.
Howard said there's a weird picture of Charlie Sheen with his head shaved. He said he looks really odd now. Howard said they're saying he was caught with a hooker and he's claiming that he was counseling her. Howard said that's pretty good.
Howard said he got a note saying that he should wait for Avatar to come out on Blu-Ray. They have left out all of the nonsense on that disc. They don't have the interviews or trailers and stuff. They left all of the room on the Blu-Ray for the film. He said he likes that. The movie is coming out on Thursday.
Howard said Richard sent him a Bukakke movie and he hates seeing that stuff. He said he has no desire to see that. He said it was a Japanese news broadcaster and these guys are all cumming on her face. He lasted 5 seconds with it and felt bad for the newscaster.
Howard said Scott DePace sent him an email yesterday and it showed that President Obama plays more golf than President Bush ever did. Howard said that's distressing to him. He said he hates to hear that. Howard said he can't stand it when these guys start vacationing so much. He said they're the President and they shouldn't have time for that.
Howard said he got bummed out about that and then Jason sent him a thing saying that it was total bullshit and Obama has actually taken less vacation time than Bush has. Howard said Obama has taken 26 days and Bush took 69 days in that same time period.
Howard said that any guy who plays golf that much isn't into being the President. He said he shouldn't be in there if he wants to play golf that often. Robin said that they get a lot of money to be President too. She said that they have their food bought for them and they have private jets and stuff. That's all income.
Howard heard that Megyn Kelly was there. He said he has to take a break before bringing her in. He said that she's having her in because she's so hot. Howard said people are upset with him for having her on the show. Howard read through some of the email he got about her and the fans don't want her in there because she's such a right wing FOX News shill. Howard said he doesn't care, she's hot.
Howard said he's not that obsessed with people's politics. He said that he can look past that stuff. Robin was going to point something out but stoped herself. Howard said he actually likes Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck but he may not agree with their politics.
Howard read one email where they said Megyn had 4 kids. Gary said she just had her first kid recently. Howard asked if he could just talk to Megyn or did he have to take a break. Howard said he was just going to talk to her.
Howard said that Megyn was a cheerleader in high school. Megyn said she was the head cheerleader. Howard read about her getting into a fight with a girl in high school. Howard asked if she kicked her ass. Megyn said there was some hair pulling and she thinks that she came out ahead in the fight.
Howard asked Megyn about the perfume she had on. She said it was lotion and it was called Tantalizer. She said she likes it.
Howard asked Megyn how many kids she has. She said she had her one and only son about 7 months ago. Howard asked about the pants she was wearing and if she gets to pick out what she wears. She said she gets to pick that stuff herself. Howard said he likes that they show her legs on the news. Megyn said she is very exposed on the show.
Howard said that they should have women wearing dresses on the show. Megyn said she gets mail from women about how she should be wearing pants. Megyn said she's really afraid that Howard or Captain Janks is going to prank call her on her show some day. She said she has gotten the Baba Booey call before. Megyn said that she has lived in fear since that day. She's afraid that she's going to get that call every day now.
Howard said he thinks that Beth would like to have her in bed. Megyn said Beth is a beautiful woman and they're actually colleagues. She said Beth has worked over there on some stuff.
Howard asked Megyn if she's only into guys. She said she is. Howard asked if she's seen porn. She said she has seen some stuff but not all that much.
Howard went over Megyn's personal life and family to find out about her siblings and all of that. Howard asked Megyn about her kid too. She said she had her son 6 and a half months ago. She said she gained 5 pounds after the kid was born. She said she figured she would have lost weight, not gained.
Howard asked Megyn about being shaved and he figured that she was completely shaved. Howard said he and Beth were talking about how hot she was when she was on the news the other day. Howard said Beth got him all whacked out when she said that.
Howard asked Megyn about going to law school. Megyn talked about that and how she ended up getting married after that. She said that the guy was a lawyer and a doctor. She said she was just unhappy with the guy though. Megyn said she's still friends with him to this day but back then she decided to get into TV and she had a lot of time on her hands. She said she realized that they didn't have anything in common. Howard said he would find something to be interested in with her. Megyn said that he was into sports and that's just not her thing. Megyn said she likes to be adored too and she would need more attention than she was getting.
Howard asked when she lost her virginity. Megyn said she had her first boyfriend at 13 but she was mature and in love when lost virginity. Howard asked when she lost it. She said that she can't say. Megyn said she'll get calls from people complaining if she reveals that. Howard said no kids are listening so it's fine.
Howard asked Megyn if she's okay with pre-marital sex. She said she's fine with that. Howard asked about what she did with guys in high school. She wasn't talking.
Howard asked if Megyn dressed up in outfits for her husband. She said they have a very happy and healthy marriage. She said they keep the fights clean and the sex dirty. Howard asked if she has anal. Megyn wasn't talking about any of that stuff. She thinks that Howard has an obsession with that stuff. Howard said he's not sure what she's saying. Howard said he thinks that it's a sign of wildness in bed and he wants to know how far she takes it. Howard told Megyn about Robin's anal sex story where she met this random guy and had anal with him. She claimed that she didn't need lube back there. Howard told Megyn that Robin is pretty conservative too. Megyn asked what else they had to talk about. She asked Robin how she does this every day.
Howard asked Megyn about some non-sexual stuff. He asked her about how she got into law and things like that. Megyn told Howard how she got into being a newscaster and all of that. Howard told her how good she is on the news and how she appears to know things. She said she does a lot of reading stuff. Megyn said that she isn't scripted and they don't feed her stuff in her ear like people think. She said that she's doing The View today and that show is completely scripted. She said that's the way a lot of TV works but not the news that she does.
Howard asked Megyn about her father dying when she was just 15. She said it was sad. She said that her mother married a man though and she's very happy. She said that she met him in a widows grieving group.
Howard asked Megyn who the guy is that she's got in her life. She said that he's the CEO of an internet security company. Megyn said that he has money but that's not what makes you happy. She said that he's a great guy and she met him back in 2006 after her divorce. She told Robin how she was set up on a date with this guy on a date. Megyn said she almost deleted the email about the date because she wasn't sure if she was ready. She said that she waited 4 months before getting back to the woman. She said that she met the guy on the date and now he's her husband.
Megyn told Howard when she met her husband she had a crazy stalker guy and she had some armed security guys with her all the time. She said that the guy she met was around her with these two security guys. Megyn said they did catch the stalker guy though. She said he got out of jail after being arrested the first time but then he went back to stalking and he went back to jail.
Megyn said that the guy showed up at weird places and he would chase after her. She said he's on a psych hold right now so that's an indefinite amount of time. Megyn said they say that news people get stalked more than other celebrities because people think they're talking directly to them.
Howard asked Megyn about how some people say she slept her way to the top. Megyn told Howard they thought that she was dating some guy there. She said she was new in the business and it was all over the industry web sites that she was having an affair and it just wasn't true. Megyn said that Brit Hume was thrilled with the story and came into her office beaming when the rumors made the paper.
Howard gave Megyn an F, Marry Kill game. He gave her the names Bill O'Reilly, Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity and told her to pick. She said she would marry Hannity, F-Bill O'Reilly and kill Glenn Beck. Howard said he can hear the reports now on FOX News about who she wants to kill Glenn Beck.
Howard asked Megyn about how they test her for being a conservative for FOX. She said she's conservative on some things and not on others. Megyn said that they make assumptions about you when you work at FOX. She said her job is to do that on FOX. Howard asked about how she got her job and Megyn told him about how she thought her interview went really well but then one of the guys told her they didn't think they were interested. She said she thought for sure she did great. Then he had to check with the boss and got the call 10 minutes later saying that Roger Ailes definitely wanted her.
Howard asked if Roger interviewed her personally. She said he did and he didn't even ask her where she stood politically. She said that never came up at all and she swore that was true.
Howard asked Megyn who she thinks is hot there at FOX News. She said that she is a fan of Julie Banderas. She said she's a hot mama.
Howard asked Megyn what happens when they lose their looks over at FOX. She didn't seem to know. Howard said he has seen what happens to women over there. They just disappear. Megyn said that they could fire her and she feels pressure to look her best over there. Howard said that O'Reilly and Glenn Beck look like a mess and they don't get fired.
Howard asked Megyn if they tell her how many pounds she can gain over there. She said there is nothing like that in the contract. Robin asked if they have a scale at the door. She said they do not.
Howard asked Megyn what she's making over there. Megyn said she can't say or she'll get sued. Howard was going to try and guess but he had no clue. Howard said she probably makes about $250,000. Megyn said she can't say so she'll just let him say what he wants. Howard said in the old says she should have gotten half a million. Megyn said she'd do it for free because she loves it so much.
Howard asked Megyn if she wouldn't have married her husband if he had a small penis. She said she has to reject the hypothetical. She said she's never had to choose like that. Howard asked if her husband ever came to her and asked if he was bigger than the first husband. Megyn said that he's not insecure like that. She said that he's very aloof and he's not too clingy. Howard said he would be very clingy. Howard said it sounds like he has a big penis.
Howard asked Megyn how often she's having sex. She said she's not saying. Howard guessed it's like once a week.
Megyn was pointing out the one eyebrow she's got that's higher than the other. Howard asked what her best asset is. She said she thinks she has a nice clavicle. Howard asked if she takes baths or showers. She said she's a shower girl. She said she does that just once a day. Howard asked what she does to work out. She said she works out on a stairmaster.
Howard said this was very exciting stuff today. Megyn said that her goal today was to try and get Howard to appear on her show. Howard said he doesn't think he'll do that. He said he might do that if he has something to promote but he's got nothing. She said maybe he'll return to terrestrial radio some day. Howard said he hates terrestrial radio so he doesn't think that will happen. Howard said he hated it there and people like the content now.
Howard said he had fun doing some stuff there on terrestrial but now he can ask Megyn if she shaves her bush. Howard said this thing keeps growing there at SIRIUS and it's unbelievable how great it's been. Megyn asked Howard if this is it for him. Howard said he's fine and if it ends in 8 months then that's fine too. He said if they continue it then it'll continue to be great. Howard said he doesn't want to go back to terrestrial but he does have an offer. Howard said his fans don't want to hear endless commercials anymore like they did on terrestrial.
Megyn asked Howard what it's like to walk down the street being him. Howard said it was never easy. He said he has a lot of fans out there. He said that people are very nice most of the time. He said yesterday he had some guys just saying ''Rock and roll!'' to him. He didn't know how to respond. Howard said in New York people are pretty cool and they don't bother you that much. He said they know how to handle celebrities.
Howard said it must be weird to have a stalker. Megyn said that they say you should never engage in discussions with a stalker so that's kind of hard. Howard said he actually sends messages to schizophrenics over the radio. Howard said when they call the show he tells them that he actually is sending messages and tells them that they're nuts.
Howard wrapped up with Megyn and gave her some plugs for her show that airs from 1 to 3 on FOX News. He suggested that she wear shorter and shorter dresses. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said that when he was talking to Megyn he looked up her Wikipedia page and it was updated with the F, Marry, Kill as soon as they were done talking about it. Howard said Benjy must have done that. Benjy said he didn't do it.
Howard said that Robin mentioned JD earlier so he wants to talk about that and to Rob Barnett. Howard asked Robin what it was about JD that she wanted to talk about. Robin said JD's date got upset with what he was saying on the air. Gary told Howard they had some Wrap Up Show clips. He said that they're really not sure what she's upset about.
Howard played a clip where JD talked about why he was upset when he went on the Wrap Up Show. JD was saying he wasn't hearing back from the person he went on the date with because she wasn't happy about what he said on the air.
Howard said he knows it's hard for JD to get dates but she wrote to him at the radio show. Howard told JD that he should tell her to get a sense of humor. He said that she must know the show and how it works. JD said he thinks that she was afraid that she was going to get into trouble for what she may have done at work. Howard said no one knows who she is though.
Howard told JD to just call her up and tell her she loves it. JD said that things are fine now but she was paranoid about losing her job. JD said he tried to calm it down and things are fine now. Robin asked if they spoke last night. JD said they just texted and did some IM'ing. Howard asked what the difference is. JD said it's over the computer. Howard said it must be more intimate.
Howard said JD is actually kind of witty when he texts. He said he's gotten some from him and they are kind of fun. JD said that things are fine now. He said there is no reason to worry. Howard asked when their next date is. JD said it might be later this week.
Howard and Fred did their JD impressions and goofed on him while Fred had some techno music playing in the background. JD said he was just going to leave. Howard asked JD if he asked her what kind of work she does. He figured that's what she was more upset about. JD said that she's fine. Howard said JD visited her at work and he didn't know what she did for a living. JD said that she was actually glad he didn't know where she worked. He asked if he could just leave. Fred was doing his impression of him and JD couldn't take it anymore.
Howard said that people seem to like Fred's impression of JD. Fred said that they like both of their impressions.
Howard said he had a lot of email about the JD impressions and he's not sure if people know he's doing it too. Fred said that they do know. He had at least one email about Howard's impression.
Rob came in and told Howard that he did shake Howard's hand once but he hasn't spent much time taking to him. He said that he just left Howard alone during that time that he had to find the replacement.
Howard said Tim Sabean has his side of this story. Howard said when he went up and said goodbye to the fans that Rob turned to him and said ''Now he's your problem...'' Rob said that was true. He said it was just a joke.
Howard asked Rob what his title was there at CBS. Rob told Howard that he had just been at CBS for a few months when Howard announced he was quitting. He said that he was given a title where he had to come up with some new radio stuff. He said when Howard announced he was leaving he told his wife that was not good and it was ''the end.''
Rob said that Howard had set off a nuclear bomb that day. Howard said Joel Hollander was very upset with him. He said he knows he was angry because he thought he had betrayed him in some way. Howard said he had warned them that he was in talks with satellite. Howard said he resented the censorship and he felt alone in all of it. Howard said that they weren't able to expand his show because they couldn't make money with him and things like that. He said he had gotten fed up by then. Howard said he would ask the company to put him on in Atlanta and they'd tell him that it was too hard to sell him. He got tired of that bullshit.
Rob told Howard he went to work that day after Howard quit. He said that he saw people walking into the conference room without him. He said he wasn't invited. Rob said they had a bunch of people in the meeting and he knew what was coming. He said they came down the hall to his office after that and told him that what they were going to say wasn't personal. He said that was 3 days after the announcement. He said they were going to have to let him go but it was nothing personal. Rob figured it was because of money.
Rob said that was great and it was no problem. He said he had a new program coming on called Street Date and he had a bunch of big stars set up to come to the studio and do some stuff he had set up. He said he had a contract there so he figured he'd stick around for 2 weeks. Rob said people knew that he had been fired but wondered why he was still there. He said Joel Hollander told him that he was going to replace Stern and he would make him the President of Programming. He said he got himself unfired. They fired the guy who had fired him.
Howard asked Rob why he hired David Lee Roth. He said he was a rock star. Rob said he was like the 78th choice. He said David wasn't his first choice. Rob said that it was a ridiculous impossibility to replace. Howard. He said they were thinking that maybe Howard would change his mind. He said they were thinking about getting Jon Stewart to do a show. He pitched that to Joel Hollander. He said that they wanted to get Jon to produce a show if he didn't want to host. Rob said that they wanted to go talk to Jon about that. He said that Jon has worked with great TV guys but not radio guys.
Rob said they went in and met with Jon and he got about 5 minutes into the pitch with Joel and Joel told Jon he had to host. Jon ended the interview. Rob said that Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla are two of his biggest friends now because of this whole thing. They're managed by the same people who manage Jon Stewart and guys like that.
Howard asked Rob what happened after that. Rob said it became apparent that they had to flush the idea of one person doing what Howard was doing right down the toilet. He said that they had the idea to do Free FM. He said that they wanted to light up a bunch of radio stations and have 20 guys doing what Howard was doing and maybe in 20 years they'd have someone like Howard. Howard said he thought they were doing the ''free'' thing because he was going to pay radio. Rob said that was actually a cute accident and they didn't do it on purpose.
Rob said he thought that they could develop someone there. He said that they weren't going to get ratings immediately. Howard read that he had meetings with Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the creators of South Park. He asked Rob why they didn't go to someone who was already in radio. Rob said they were thinking about getting Opie and Anthony to do the show. He knew that Howard hated them. Howard said he doesn't hate them, he just doesn't think that they're honest. He said he doesn't look at it that way. He said that he has friends and people who aren't so friendly to him.
Rob said Opie and Anthony were at XM so they tried to figure something out there but they had a quick ''no'' on that. Howard said David Lee Roth was a very unusual choice. Robin asked what it was that led to picking him.
Rob said they had meetings with Matt and Trey but they were never able to figure out what their show would be. They even called Jerry Seinfeld asking if he wanted to do it. Larry David was asked to do it too. They asked Chris Rock to do it too but he turned it down.
Rob said that they needed someone with balls to do the show and to actually sit in Howard's old studio. He said that's what was leading up to David Lee Roth. Howard said that everyone had turned them down by this point. Rob said that everyone knew how hard the job was going to be. Rob said there wasn't enough money in the world to make people create 5 hours of radio every day.
Howard asked who came up with David Lee Roth. Rob said he's not sure who came up with it. He said they used to have these meetings with 7 people, the Sexy Seven, and Tim Sabean, Kevin Weatherly and Joel Hollander were just a few of the people in the meetings. He said that they had seven people in those meetings.
Rob said Roth wanted the job and he wanted it from the first phone call they made to him. Howard said David Lee Roth must be wealthy and he's not sure why this would be of interest to him.
Rob said they did a week long test with Roth up in Boston and he did great. He said that they brought him in to replace Howard and the meltdown started just a couple of days in. He said Roth wasn't listening to anything anyone had to say to him there at K-Rock. He said that he wasn't taking Tom's advice or anything like that. Howard said he even offered to call Dave's show to help out early on and David refused.
Gary asked about the Uncle Manny guy they had on the show. Rob said they tried to talk him out of that but it didn't work. Howard asked when they started freaking out. Rob said they didn't have anyone who was going to be able to replace Howard. He said that Opie and Anthony got this gift of someone else taking the pressure off. He said that O&A were very lucky with that because the audience heard how bad it was going.
Howard asked Rob about David Lee Roth coming in to announce he was going to be a replacement. Rob said that twas his idea. He said he felt that Howard was being disrespected during that time and he wanted to keep some of the fans around. He said that the fans were being disrespected just like Howard was. Rob said he felt Howard should have been in the process all along too. Howard said that's very wise of him to say.
Howard said when David came in he looked like he wanted to fight him and that wasn't what he wanted at all. He said David told him he was ready to do the show and he was used to talking to thousands of people in concert. Howard said he warned him that it wasn't the same thing but David just looked at him with a blank stare.
Rob told Howard that Adam knew that it was going to be very hard to replace Howard. He said that they begged management to leave Adam alone for 6 months and they didn't. He said Adam did great too. Howard said he never felt threatened by any of this and he even let Adam plug his show on his show.
Howard said it was wonderful for him to leave and watch everything crumble over there. Howard said Joel and Les treated him horribly. He said they told him it was nothing personal. Howard said he had to go hire an attorney and they were saying it was nothing personal while they were trying to ruin his reputation. Howard said they were making him look bad for no apparent reason. Howard said he has resentment and animosity toward those guys now.
Gary asked Rob if there was any discussion about firing Howard before his time was up. Rob said that Howard gave them 14 months of warning about his leaving. He said it was a surprise to keep him there that long and then to suspend Howard for a day during the last few months. He said it was kind of odd that they stopped Howard from talking about SIRIUS at the last moment. Howard said that led to them trying to sue him. He said that really freaked him out. He said they were being assholes and dicks about that.
Rob said he told his wife that he knew he was going to get fired again. He said that they told him that his job was ''eliminated'' so he wasn't really fired. He said he never wanted to get fired again so he started his own business. He said what he's doing now is the MyDamnChannel.com. Howard thought that was Yucko the Clowns ''Damn Show'' but Rob had no idea who he was talking about.
Rob told Howard about the channel and how they have Harry Shearer doing a show for them. Rob told Howard that they hire talent to do their own thing and they leave them alone. He said they're making money so they're doing things the right way. Rob said he knew the mistakes that people make when they start web sites like this and he thinks they did it right. Rob said they have had over 100 million views and in a month they can get millions of views. He said that they syndicate too. Rob said they have a channel on YouTube too so they have about 62,000 subscribers there. Howard said he's going to check it out.
Howard asked Rob about how Artie and Gary were asked to replace them. Rob said he wasn't part of that but they did call Artie asking him if he wanted to replace Howard. Rob didn't make the call so Gary came in and said that he got a call from Jack Silver and Bob Moore. He said Tim Sabean was the one who called Artie. Gary said he got the call on his way home one day and they asked him what he was going to do. Gary said he was going with Howard but they wanted him and Artie to stick around and do a show. Gary said he was petrified about sticking around and doing a show. Gary said Tim told him that he could have gotten a lot of money like maybe $1.5 or $2 million. He said it wouldn't have been that much if the show was gone in 2 weeks though.
Howard said Roth was gone after a few months and he had a guaranteed deal so he got millions. Howard said Roth didn't bad mouth them either.
Rob asked if they have spoken to David since then. Howard said he doesn't think he has. Howard said he thinks that he wanted to come on but they weren't able to talk about some people. He said now might be a good time to have him on.
Jason came in and asked Rob some questions. He asked about the job suspension thing and why Rob wasn't in the meetings for that or the meetings for Artie and Gary to replace him. Rob said they had a couple of guys going rogue there. He said that might be where that came from.
Jason said they were being treated like shit there in the last few months and he had to have had something to do with that. Howard said it was Les and Joel who did the suspension. Jason said Tim is out there saying he was part of the suspension meetings. Rob said that's wrong.
Tim came in and said that he got the call from Joel to call Artie and he knows that Rob knew what was going on. He said he shudders thinking about all of this stuff that Rob was talking about. Tim said that Rob had a lot of good ideas but they may not have been practical. Tim said he learned a lot during that process. Tim said he wanted to get the hell out of there around that time too. He said he doesn't dislike Rob because they get along. Tim said that it was very frustrating over there eat the time because Mel had built that place up and they were dismantling it.
Tim said if it was up to him he would have hired a proven ratings show that could have kept the ratings when they left. He said he would have Preston and Steve, Kidd Chris and people like that in there. He said they should have let them have their local markets decide who to put on. He said they had an established brand going and it didn't make sense to re-brand them the way they did.
Tim said he admires Rob for taking on that task over there. He said he has balls of steel to do that job. He said it was fuckin' horrendous. Tim said the whole thing was very hard to deal with. He said Joel Hollander had a personal grudge against him too and he had enough over there so he's glad he got out.
Howard gave Rob some more plugs for his web site MyDamnChannel.com. They wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he just decided to cancel his meeting today. He said he's also going to get some new headphones so he can stop his glasses from digging into his head. Howard said those were just a couple of big decisions he made today.
Howard said they have a Wack Pack contest going on. If you know someone who would be good in the Wack Pack you can go to SIRIUS.com/Howard to find out more.
Howard said that was pretty interesting to hear Rob talking about what went on when they left. Howard said he read that some work on the new James Bond movie was halted because of MGM having some financial difficulties. He said that's on hold indefinitely. Howard said MGM is up for sale now. Howard said he heard they're doing a 3D James bond but he doesn't care about a 3D James Bond.
Howard said he was going to play a new game today but they ran out of time. This one is a Little Lupe game. He said they have questions for her and they have to guess if she can answer correctly. Howard said maybe he'll play a quick round. Howard took a call from a guy who has won a bunch of times so Howard said he would move on to someone else.
Howard took another call from a woman who had never won anything. He told Maggie that she could win $500 and a TiVo Premier. He played a sample question for her which was ''What is 50 percent of 500?'' Maggie said that 50 percent of 500 was 10 percent. Howard asked where she went to school. She said it was up in Maine. She said 50 percent of 500 was 1 percent. Robin said they should play the Maggie game then. Howard said she sounds bright. He wasn't sure what was going on. She said she's really bad at math so maybe she should pull over. Howard told her to pull over and try it. Howard asked her again what 50 percent of 500 was. Maggie still didn't know. Howard asked Maggie what 50 percent of 100 was. She said that it was 50 percent. Howard said she was on a role. He asked her what 50 percent of 500 was. She finally got it and said it was 250.
Maggie said there was no way Lupe would know the answer. She was right. Lupe said it was 25. Howard played the first official game question which was ''How many days are there in a year?'' Maggie knew it was 365. Howard asked if Lupe would know. Maggie said no. Lupe said ''365.''
Howard played another question which was ''Spell BANANA.'' Maggie knew how to spell it. She asked for Fred's thoughts on that. Fred said she may know it. Howard said no, Robin said no so Maggie said she'd go with no. Lupe said ''BANANA.'' Fred was thrilled that he guessed right.
The next question was ''What century is this?'' Maggie knew the answer. She said that Little Lupe would not know. Fred said he thinks that she doesn't know. Little Lupe said ''I don't know what century...''
The next question was ''What is the official currency of Puerto Rico?'' Maggie said that Lupe will know the answer. Lupe said ''Pesos I think.''
Howard gave Maggie a bonus question since she had just lost. The question was ''What do the stars represent on the U.S. flag?'' Maggie knew but she said that Lupe will not know. Lupe said ''The States.''
Howard gave Maggie one more question since she missed that one too. The next one was ''What does fornicate mean?'' Maggie said that Lupe would know. Lupe said ''Fuckin.'' Maggie finally won. Maggie thanked Howard for the prize and told him to please stay on the air.
Maggie asked Howard about making his announcement about staying or whatever he's doing, she said she will follow him anywhere. Maggie said that all of his fans will follow him wherever he goes. She said she will pay to hear him speak. She went on and on telling him how much she loves him. Howard said he has arranged to be a math teacher at the school she went to in Maine.
Howard wondered if Rosie is going to end up taking enemas with Robin. Robin said she's not going to be doing that. Robin said she's a proponent of nutrition and that's it. Howard said if Rosie asks her to help her out with an enema, will she help. Robin said she will not. She said she would have her to her house but she does not help out with the enema process. Howard said Tim has turned into a total failure with his diet.
Howard ended up talking to Robin about her colonics and enemas and found out she had a really big ''hold'' yesterday when she had her ''fill.'' Howard asked if they were alarmed at how much she was taking in. Robin said they were not worried. Howard found out the therapist was a man. Robin said that he's been doing it for a long time and she's not uncomfortable with him. Robin said that they're very comfortable with each other.
Howard said he thinks that Robin is happy when they say that she's holding more than usual. Robin said the therapist just told her not to let it hurt and it wasn't funny to her or anything.
Howard asked Robin if they've found anything odd coming out of her. Robin said that hasn't happened to her. Howard wondered what would come out of Rosie's ass. Robin said the only major thing that's come out of her was carrots.
Howard asked when this dinner is. Steve didn't know. Robin didn't even seem to know. Howard asked if they're going to have Steve there. Robin said that Steve won't be there. Robin said she's not having the Wine guys there either. Robin said she's going to take them everywhere from now on.
Howard told Robin that this thing needs to happen. He said he wants Rosie to get colonics with her. Robin said that she didn't sleep on Sunday night and she was even able to run yesterday after not sleeping. She said that she's got a lot of energy on this diet.
Steve asked Robin if she'll be discussing any possible projects for herself in this dinner. Robin said she hasn't planned to do that. She said if it goes there then maybe that will happen. Robin said Rosie was the one who called her so maybe Rosie has plans for her.
Howard said that dinner is an A-List thing. He asked what they're going to discuss, her charities. Robin said that may come up. Howard asked if she's going to hit her up for money. Robin said she doesn't hit anyone up. Howard said she did give him an envelope. Howard said he doesn't want her to do anymore charity work. Robin said she's going to be making some announcements soon.
Howard said they found out that a normal person can hold about a gallon of water down there. Robin must have been holding more than that. Robin wasn't sure how much it was. Howard said he hopes Rosie does this with Robin. Robin said she doesn't do colonics with people. Robin was telling Howard that her therapist, Gil, will tell her when ''the heaviness'' is coming out of her. She said he'll also tell her that it's like the cement coming out. Howard said he's proud of Robin and her colonics. He goofed on the process and had Fred playing water and fart sounds as that was going on.
Howard said that guy is a true friend if he still talks to her after seeing shit come out of her ass. Robin said that she would give him a plug but he says if he was more successful, he'd die. Howard spent a lot of time talking to Robin about the colonics thing. He said that Robin is doing such great things. He said that she takes in a gallon of water. He said she's trying new things and staying out there doing this stuff. Howard said that Tim was one of her patients. Robin said Tim was just a friend that she helped out.
Howard said he thinks that Robin is the solution to Rosie losing weight. Robin said she doesn't have a magic pill. Howard said he predicts that Robin will work with Rosie and Rosie will do whatever Robin says and she will end up looking like Katy Perry.
Howard imagined Robin being in the colonic thing and a fire breaks out. Then Robin puts out the fire with her ass.
Howard said he knows that Robin is going to have a break through with Rosie. He told Robin to bring a hose with her just in case Rosie wants to do it at dinner. Robin said that would be ridiculous. Howard asked why she has to colonic if she's eating healthy. Robin said she still has toxins in her body that she has to rid herself of.
Ralph called in and asked what else she could have left in there. Robin said she's trying to get rid of that last ''berry.'' Ralph said Robin looked great on Thursday last week. He said that he should have told her that. Ralph said that Robin went to Vegas over the weekend and he thinks that she's fucking someone. Howard said she has a travel companion. Ralph said he thinks that she shouldn't have all of this energy she has. He asked who the guy is that she's with. Howard told him to leave her alone.
Steve said they were told they saw Brendan Murphy out in Las Vegas with her. They were not seen holding hands though. Ralph said they just wait to get back to their room. Howard wished Ralph a happy birthday since it was today. Ralph said it's also George Takei's birthday.
Howard asked Steve what else he has for them today. Steve said they have a story about Glen Miller the racist running for a senate seat. He said that Glen is saying he's being endorsed by Howard Stern. Howard said that the guy is honest and if that's an endorsement then so be it.
Steve said they have a story about a charity event where they're going to be honoring Ross Zapin. Howard said he hopes they're not looking for money too. Robin said she'll donate.
Steve said that Jackie has a new album out and he'll be talking about that on his Joke Hunt show tonight. Howard said he got a copy but he just threw it away. Howard said he loves Jackie and has no problem with him but he's just being honest. He said he did feel guilty throwing it out but he knew he'd never listen to it. He said he's not a joke kind of guy. He said he doesn't want to hear jokes when he goes home.
Howard and Robin spent a few more minutes talking about her colonics. Robin said she has more stories about that but Howard didn't want to hear them. He told her to keep them for Rosie. Robin said that Howard doesn't listen to her stories. She's never told him her stories. Howard said he has heard them. Robin said her stories are fascinating but Howard will never hear them. Howard said he heard them on Larry King when she talked about them.
Howard ended up listening to Robin telling her stories again because she was telling them even though he said he had no interest in them. Howard tried to move on.
Jon Hein came in and ran down his list of Wrap Up Show subjects for today. Howard did a live commercial read after that and then went to a break.
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Howard came back from break and said that Regis just mentioned his bulldog on his show. He said Regis had it wrong though. He said the dog was at the vet yesterday and the vet told them that the dog was fine and wasn't overweight. He said Regis was saying she was overweight.
Howard asked Robin to do her news. She was about to start but Fred played a song parody for her first. Robin started off talking about Chaz Bono and the hot chick she's dating. Howard said that's going to piss a lot of people off. He said that she's still a chick without a dick and she's dating a hot chick. Robin said Chaz is wearing a suit and tie and she's dressing more like a man than most men do. Howard said those have to be custom suits too. He said she looks kind of like the lead cartoon in ''King of the Hill.'' He said she doesn't quite look like a guy yet. Robin wondered if you didn't know that she was a woman, would you look at the picture and say ''Oh, that's a guy.'' Howard said he would just say that's a very odd looking human being.
Howard said the picture would stop anyone in their tracks if they saw it. Howard said if you see the picture you wonder what's going on in the relationship. He said that Chaz must hate her vagina. He said she must want a cock. Howard said he would love to read a book by Chaz. He said he wonders what those two are up to. He said the girl must be pissed that she's becoming a man. Robin said they've talked about that and she's all for it.
Howard finally figured out who Chaz looks like. Garry Shandling. He said he doesn't want Gary to be offended but that's what he thinks Chaz looks like. Howard said he's not saying Gary looks like a woman though.
Robin read a story about Mo'Nique's brother's appearance on Oprah yesterday. She read about how he admitted that he molested his sister. Howard said that was a good show yesterday. He said he has to hand it to Oprah. Robin read some details about the molestation and had some audio clips to go along with it. They had a bunch of clips of the guy talking about what he did.
Howard did another live commercial during the news and then had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about
Robin read a story Gayle King getting an award for editing O magazine. Robin read about Oprah Winfrey going to the award presentation.
Robin read about an auction that's going on to win a dinner with Robert De Niro. Robin said there were people wondering if De Niro would say anything at the dinner since he's not known for saying much. There were some other celebrities up for auction too. Howard didn't have much interest in any of them other than Meryl Streep. He said that Gwen Stefani wasn't all that nice so he wouldn't want to go to dinner with her.
Robin read a story about how an Iranian cleric is blaming women who don't cover their bodies as the reason for earthquakes happening. Howard said he gets an earthquake in his pants when women are dressed sexy.
Robin said today is 4/20 so it's pot day for many. Robin said they have another name for the day. She said that medical marijuana smokers lit up on Saturday where they had many products. Howard said when you start celebrating a day like today then it's kind of weird. He said Jason is treating it like Christmas. He said it's just a little too intense and he may want to look at that.
Howard said he passed a guy in the hallway yesterday and the guy smelled of pot. He must have been celebrating a day early. Jason said he passed the same guy. He said it was awesome. He said it smelled like the guy smoked a joint in the bathroom. Howard said it smelled more like a pound of pot. Jason said that he's not really celebrating the day like Howard said. Howard just moved on.
Robin read a story about home schooling people and some people are doing this ''unschooling'' thing. She said that they're just letting their kids learn on their own. There are people who think that they'll just let their kids figure out math on their own instead of having it taught to them.
Robin read a story about Ryan Seacrest talking that girl out of leaving American Idol the other day. Howard said they're saying that it's a huge exaggeration. Robin said they say that Ryan may have planted the story in the news himself. Howard said the girl is saying that she was having a rough day and Ryan gave her a little speech and she stayed. It was no big deal but someone had to release it and it was probably Ryan.
Robin read a story about the prototype iPhone that was found in a bar. Howard said he thinks that Apple planted it. He said that they have all of this excitement about the product now. Robin said that they always have excitement so why would they have to release it early. Howard said no one is going to drop it in a bar. He said it's one of the best P.R. marketing things ever. Howard said he could leave a contract laying around that shows he's going somewhere else. He said it's all marketing. Robin said someone made $5,000 turning it over to a techie web site. Howard said it's a brilliant marketing move. Robin said she didn't think that it was on purpose. Howard said they don't take those things out of the lab. He said no one is going to leave it somewhere.
Robin read some news about President Obama making a speech last night. She had some audio of that to play. She had some of the President's speech and some protesters who were at the event.
Robin read a story about the doorman strike that may start tonight. Howard said he hopes that doesn't happen. He said he's not sure what's going to happen if that happens. He said he shouldn't have to pick up his own garbage if this strike happens. He said they have a plan to do something there at his building but he hopes it doesn't have to happen.
Robin read some news about the volcano in Iceland that is still erupting. Robin read that the ash is still coming out of it and still causing air traffic problems. Robin said they're wondering if it's going to be a health risk too. They're saying that it's not a problem unless you're near it.
Robin read that Sharon Osbourne is going to have her breast implants removed and give them to Ozzy to use as paper weights on his desk. Sharon is sick of them from what Howard heard. Robin said Sharon was talking to Matt Lauer about that on his show recently. Howard said he finds it odd that Ozzy has a desk. He said he didn't know that Ozzy had anything that important to work on.
Robin read a story about a fighter who killed himself in jail after being arrested for killing his wife.
Robin read some movie news and had some clips of actors talking about their movies. Howard didn't last long with one clip of a guy he didn't recognize. They had some audio of Jennifer Lopez talking about her movie. Howard played a bunch of clips of her rambling on and on about her life changing moments. Howard said it sounded like she was reading out of a fortune cookie or something. Robin had some audio of Tracy Morgan talking about his new movie. Howard said Tracy sounds funny like he just discovered fire or something.
Robin read about Crystal Bowersox from American Idol and had some audio of her talking about being a single mom. Robin ended the news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
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Jon told Gary the details about the story Robin wanted to tell and how Howard really didn't want to hear it. Jon said Howard didn't want her to tell the whole story. Gary said he could get more time out of Howard talking about Kate Hudson's boobs than he could about a personal story in his life. Gary said that Howard just doesn't want to be invested in an emotional story of someone's life.
Gary said there's a great Garry Shandling show where he asks to be put into the loop and once he's in, he wants out. He said Howard is like that. He doesn't want to get caught up in that loop.
Gary said Howard and Robin were probably baiting each other with that whole thing. Jon said that Robin takes so much pride in that colonic thing. Gary said he doesn't get the colonic thing in general. He said that Robin said years ago that they applaud you when you pass something out the tube. Jon said she once said she saw carrots coming out but he wasn't sure if they were just pieces or chunks.
Jon said that Robin is barely sleeping now and she's got all of this energy. Gary said everything is great in moderation. He said that Tim swung way too far with his diet but maybe Robin can handle it better. Gary said Robin was helping Tim and he thinks that 10 percent of that was to prove that it would work. They all knew it wasn't going to last with Tim though.
Ralph called in and talked about that Garry Shandling clip that Gary mentioned. Ralph knew some of the lines from that episode and he thinks that there is some of Howard in that. Ralph said he's friends with Howard but Howard is only interested to a certain point. He said he's like that too though.
Ralph said that Robin comes off as preachy and condescending when she tells stories so maybe that's why Howard doesn't want to hear it. Ralph said it's always ''I, I, I'' with Robin. Ralph said he doesn't want to hear her preaching about something like that. He said she does it on the air too and no one wants to hear it.
Gary said Robin has said that Western medicine doesn't work. He knows what he's talking about. Gary asked Ralph who his close friends are. He mentioned Ralph's friend Theo and if he gets drained when he hears his stories. Ralph said that he doesn't but he's not Howard. Ralph said there are things he wouldn't bother Howard with. He said he has his own problems to deal with. Ralph talked about the toe nails and the bleeding balls that Howard discussed yesterday.
Ralph said that he doesn't want to get involved in Robin's story because she was talking about going all the way back to 9/11 as the start of the story. Ralph was pissed at the guys for not calling Robin out on her preaching on the show. Gary said they have called her out on it before.
Ralph was also talking about what Robin is doing and claiming it's healthy. She's not sleeping and that's not healthy. Ralph said she runs around saying she has valuable information about people and now look at Tim Sabean and the mess he is. Gary said he thinks that the refrigerator will be out of his office by the end of the contract.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Robin has said that Western medicine doesn't work but he thinks that she's just repeating what people have said to her. Jon said he thinks she's basing that on her own experiences. Jon said that he wouldn't survive if he didn't have insulin so it works for him.
Gary and Jon talked about the other diets Robin has been on in the past and how those were supposed to be the best thing in the world too. Now she's on this new one and this is the best. Gary said it's totally working for her though. He said it won't work for everyone, like Tim. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said it was interesting to find out that David Lee Roth was like their 78th choice. Gary said Rob pointed out it took balls for someone to take that job and Roth had them. Gary said he saw it happen at WNBC too and Joey Reynolds came in and did that. He said no one can replace Howard and no one wants to be that person who does.
Gary said that Tim had his own ideas for how to make it work but they didn't go with that. Rob wanted to start from scratch so that was part of what they did. Gary said Tim was part of that whole thing and he was all revved up out in his office but not once he got on the air. Gary said Tim doesn't go looking for a fight.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jason was really annoying and he didn't have to come in and complain about how they were being treated toward the end at K-Rock. He said he just antes to come in and go off on people for no reason. Gary said Jason was going off on the guy in the email before he even came on the show though. He said that Rob was in all of the good meetings but none of the bad ones. Gary said that Howard invited Jason in there too so it wasn't just like he came in uninvited.
Another caller said it would be interesting to have Tom Chiusano on the show too. Gary said he thinks that Tom wouldn't want to talk about that stuff. He said that Rob had something to talk about other than the CBS gig.
Jon asked Gary if he misses Tom. Gary said he and Tom still have lunch every six months or so and he really does miss him.
Jon took another call from a woman who said that ''Free FM'' was a complete disaster and they ruined WYSP with the changes. She said that it was just awful at the time. Gary asked what they call it now. She said they call it WYSP and they play classic rock now. She said it was so weird the way they did things. They had all talk for a while and she likes talk but it was all talk all day and a few hours of music. She said the music is kind of good now though. She said it was a disaster when they changed it after Howard left. She feels that it never really recovered.
Jon said that they built up K-Rock, WYSP and WBCN and now they're kind of gone. Tim said he thinks that they wanted to reinvent everything and he thought it was a mistake. Tim said they had to live with that. Tim said they had their hearts and souls in those stations and it was very tough to make those changes.
Gary asked what K-Rocks ratings were without Howard. Tim said that they all had different things going on in each market. He said that they change every day and they're constantly doing that but when you make a blanket change like they did back then was a bad idea. He said they spent millions doing that. He said Mel left a very successful company and Joel thought he had a better idea and changed them. History will show the story of what happened after that.
Jon asked if they changed just to change. Tim said they had their reasons. He said that they had their point of view and Rob told his point of view today. Tim said he saw it different. He said that they all had opinions and that's what makes it great but he was there for 15-16 years and it was a heart breaking time.
Gary asked Tim if he knew he was part of the ''sexy seven'' group. Tim said he knew of the term. He said ''Give me a break'' when they brought it up.
Tim said the stations that worked Howard into their format are the ones who were successful. He said that when they didn't do that they weren't so successful. Tim said they did that with Howard when he was the program director and it worked out for them.
Gary said there were some markets that it really worked in. He said some of them didn't figure it out. Tim said that he tried to talk to the people in those markets and he warned them that they would be leveled if they didn't just let the show do its thing. Tim said it was a very unique situation. Tim said this is the greatest show on earth.
Jon asked how Howard thinks things worked out. Gary said thinks that he's very happy. He said Howard proved that he was the most important person at the company when he left. He left and the company crumbled.
Tim said that Howard, Don and Mel are a great group who know how to create success. He said it really just worked. Tim said he thinks that Mel could have kept Howard there if he was till there at the time.
Jon asked Tim about the Robin diet thing and how that's working out. Tim said he lost a lot of weight but he did put on about 17 of the 80 he lost. He said he doesn't think he could survive on the diet Robin lives on but he does feel better when he was on the juice diet. Tim said he feels great throughout the day and that's thanks to the diet.
Jon took one last call from a woman who said she's on insulin just like Jon is and she said that it drives her nuts when Robin says that Western medicine doesn't work. They spent a minute on that and brought up Gange being sick. Gary said he's worried about Gange and he has to do something to get better. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how Sarah Silverman was going to be coming in today. He said he never gets nervous when she comes in because he knows she's good. Howard said they had Megyn Kelly on the show yesterday and it was nice and all. He said he got the email and some people hated her while some loved it. He said that some people thought it was wrong to have someone on from FOX News. He said he was intrigued by her looks and her background. Howard said some people really liked her. He said he really doesn't need any guests. Sometimes their best shows are the best without a guest.
Howard said he had one guy write him and say it was the best interview but others said it was horrible. He said he'll read some of the mail later.
Howard said his glasses are really dirty and he has to carry stuff around to clean them. He said he has to carry his purse around with him so he can do that. He said it's kind of like a man's briefcase but it's really a purse. He carries his stuff in there. Howard said he has eyeglass cleaner in there and it's great. He said his glasses are really disgusting looking though.
Howard said he has a special cloth and an emery board in there... just like a woman. Howard said he has a stain right in the middle of his glasses. He just wears them and he's not sure where it comes from. He said it might be his hair gel.
Howard cleaned his glasses and said they'll be dirty by the end of the show. He said he must get them dirty when he pushes them up. He asked when it's all just going to end.
Howard said he doesn't even clean them that good. Howard said the whole glasses thing isn't cool but he doesn't have the balls to do Lasik. He said he'd probably go crazy just thinking about it. That's what happened with the nose job when he thought he was losing his voice.
Robin thinks that's what's going on with his knee and the Asics sneakers that he loves. Howard said he bought like 14 pair 10 years ago and now they've discontinued them. Howard said he hates it. They changed the sneakers that he loved and there was no reason to do that. He said they were perfect for him.
Howard said that's like what Tim was saying yesterday about the radio stations that change. He had some audio of him talking about that on the Wrap Up Show. He quickly played those.
Howard said Ralph called into the Wrap Up Show yesterday and talked about Robin's story too. He played that audio as well. Howard and Robin got some laughs out of that clip. Ralph was going off on Robin about how it's all about her and it's too much detail for Howard.
Howard said he can't wait for Robin to go out to dinner with Rosie. They should hear some stories about that. Howard said he did some research and found out about what Robin's story was so he didn't have to listen to the whole thing from her.
Howard said he found out that Robin's 9/11 connection was that she was so fat back then that she would have had to have been carried down the steps by someone if she was in the World Trade Center. Robin said that is true. She said she wanted to tell the story to Howard herself. Howard said he found it out and she didn't have to tell him.
Robin said she cried that day because of that. Robin said life is very short and you never know how it's going to end. She said that she would probably have died in that building if she had to be carried down the stairs.
Howard said he thought Robin was crying because she had to get a ride home from Scott Salem. Robin said she couldn't even walk back then. She said she can run now. Howard asked if she's going to go into detail about her driver ditching her on 9/11 too.
Howard said he pays enough in fees at his building that he wouldn't lift a finger to help. Robin said they had a volunteer sign up sheet at her building that was almost empty. Howard said he was doing that kind of stuff when he had no money and now he pays big money for people to do that stuff for people.
Robin said the doormen really know a lot about the people in the building. Howard said he tips his doorman really well but he's heard that people don't tip him at all. He said he rarely even asks the guy to do anything for him. He said he'll do stuff himself. He said he is willing to pay and he likes that they're there just in case he does need help with something though.
Howard said his doormen were cool when he had women showing up when he was single. He said they must have thought he was insatiable at the time. Howard said they probably should have warned Beth away. Howard said their eyes were probably popping out of their heads seeing the hot women he had coming in. He said he was on a mad tear for a while. Howard said he was on that tear but thanks to therapy he calmed down.
Howard said his dog wasn't sleeping through the night so now he's a hero since he figured out where she had to be to get sleep. He said the dog is like a human being. Robin said he's like a dog whisperer. Howard said he comes across as a genius when he figures something like that out.
Howard said Idol is getting really strange. He said they call this girl Crystal Bowersox ''Mama Sox'' and that's really odd. He said she's missing two of her teeth and she hasn't gotten them fixed. He said there are programs set up to help a person out with something like that. He said you'd think that the Idol people would help her out but she's still missing those teeth. He said she must be doing it as a ''fuck you'' statement to them. Howard said we're in America but she looks like she's from rural Mississippi or something.
Howard said that chick's father was very creepy looking too and she was crying for the guy. He said if she wins she's going to crack. Robin said the back story seems to be really odd with some of these people. Howard said they haven't cleaned up her back story at all. Howard said the tooth thing is really bothering him. He said he knows what it's like to have no money but he would find some way to get those things fixed if he was her.
Howard said he's not sure how someone that young lost teeth. He said Ralph had no money when he met him but even he had a wooden like tooth in his mouth. At least he put something in there. Howard said that chick is going to be a handful if she wins. He said she's already a pain in the ass from what he's seen.
Robin said she might have to tune in to see this stuff. Howard said she had a dress on last night that was really strange. He said it's the greatest show ever.
Howard said he knows guys who got their teeth done and they get them bright white like a 12 year old. He said it's tricky with the color. Howard said his teeth are a mess. Howard said his mother didn't want him to get braces. She said his teeth would get loose. Howard said she was basing that on some kids in the family who had then and they were just going to shitty dentists. Howard said she had this fear of dentists and doctors and he gets that on some level but his teeth are ridiculous. Robin said he could get them now. Howard said he's 56 years old and he's not going to do that. Tom Chiusano did that when they were at K-Rock. Howard said the time to do it was when he was young.
Howard said his dentist did some stuff and covered up his awful teeth. He said he had some veneers put on and then he had to pick a color. Howard said his dentist told him not to pick the bright white. Howard said he wanted white teeth but the dentist told him to have a natural color. Howard said he has kind of a ''Cleveland white.'' He said they look kind of natural. Robin said they do. She said you don't look at them and go ''Whoa!''
Howard said he has a friend who has super white teeth and you can't take your eyes off of them. He said the rest of them looks a mess but they have perfect teeth.
Robin said her teeth aren't that white. Howard said they are pretty white to him. Robin said they're the way God made them. Howard said he's not sure how she got good teeth with her background. Robin said she was lucky. Howard said his mom would bring him to the dentist but she'd lecture him about taking novocaine and how he had to refuse it.
Howard said he'd have to do it without the novocaine and he'd have to take a break every time the dentist would hit a nerve. Fred played some drilling sounds as Howard was talking about that. Howard said that movie ''Marathon Man'' was like his life.
Howard said that Crystal Bowersox is living that life. He said she must see that other people have teeth. He wondered if it's a sign of mental illness. Robin said she does seem a little crazy.
Gary came in and said they did an article about that chick in Star magazine. They told some stories about what went on at her home when she was younger. There were stories about fights and her father getting into trouble for choking his step-son. Howard said that's nice. Gary said it must be weird to see your family fighting like that. Howard said she was crying during her song last night so there must be something up.
Howard said she was singing ''People Get Ready'' and it's not that emotional of a song. Howard said there was no reason to cry during that song so something was up.
Howard said the judges on that show are horrible and so is the band. He said the band leader is going to the Tonight Show too.
Gary said he fast forwards through Ellen but he watched all of Crystal Bowersox so he thought it was kind of creepy that Ellen was telling her she looked great. Howard said she looks pretty horrible and she looked like a linebacker last night. Howard said Ellen isn't even honest about how someone looks. He said she's the worst judge on the planet.
Howard said the chick was dressed like Minnie Pearl and it wasn't a good look. He said Ellen has done something to make herself look red and her stuttering is annoying. He said that's some kind of shtick she does. He said it's no wonder the ratings are down with that show.
Gary said they're talking about bringing Paula back next season. He said they don't seem to realize that she's only good next to Simon. Howard said he's right about that. Simon is that show. Howard said the execs don't even know why their show is a hit. He said they just don't get it.
Howard said he's not campaigning for the job either. He said he's too intense and he'll make the kids cry and all of that. He said he knows he's out of the running for the show. Howard said he doesn't know and he doesn't care.
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Robin told Howard about how bad things can be over in India with the water because they have shit and other waste water in their drinking water. That led to them talking about how we'd be in that kind of trouble if we didn't have all of the inventors here in this country who have made things easier for us. Howard said we'd be savages just like other countries if we didn't have people inventing that stuff for us.
Howard said he went out for a 4 mile run yesterday but his weight was up. He said he peed and he was down by half a pound though. Robin said he must have had a lot of pee.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Howard was going to post the thing that David Arquette wrote about being an intern there. Howard read some of the letter but said it was really long so he was going to have Gary put it up on his web site.
Howard read some of the letter and David was talking about what he was willing to do there for the Stern Show while he was interning there for that one day. David talked about how amazing it was to be inside the show. He wrote about Benjy and Fred doing what they do. He said David talked about Will Murray coming in with notes about the guests and stuff like that.
David wrote about Robin and how her breasts were so close yet so far away. David wrote about how great she is working with Howard on the show and things like that too. Howard said David wrote a bunch of other stuff too. He said he wrote about how he learned you have to ''release the poison.''
David talked about how cool his wife was about the whole thing until she found out that he was staring at another woman's labia. David said that led to unusual Monday night sex. Howard said there's a lot more to the letter and he'll put that up on his web site.
The caller asked what they were looking for with the new Wack Pack contest. Howard said they're looking for the next Beetlejuice, Gary the Retard or Big Foot. He said Mariann from Brooklyn thinks she's a Wack Packer but she's not what they're looking for. Howard said they want people like Hank the Dwarf (RIP), Kenneth Keith Kallenbach (RIP), Clif Palate (RIP), Elephant Boy, Crackhead Bob, John the Stutterer and people like that. He said that they might need to have something wrong with them. He also mentioned Gary and Wendy the Retards.
Howard said Eric the Midget doesn't think he's a Wack Packer but he is. Howard had Eric on the phone and told him he is in the Wack Pack. Eric said he isn't. He said he's also not a midget. Howard said he should just embrace it. Howard said he is a Wack Packer because he's funny when he says incredibly wacky things. Eric said he doesn't say wacky things. Howard said he doesn't even realize he does. Howard said everything is funny with Eric. He said he freaks out about gay stuff and he has a funny voice and a funny way of speaking.
Howard said Eric is great and he is in the Wack Pack. Eric said ''No. I'm not.'' Howard said ''Eric. You are.'' Howard said he's just about the king of the Wack Pack.
Howard played the ''We Are The Wack Pack'' song that Wendy the Retard, High Pitch Eric, Jeff the Drunk, Daniel Carver, Elephant Boy, Nicole Bass, Beetlejuice and others sang.
Howard told Eric that he fits right in there. Eric said he does not. Howard said he must relate to that song. Eric said he didn't. Howard said he still thinks that Eric is in there.
Howard said that there's a $5,000 prize for the contest. Gary told him he doesn't have to do it every day. Howard said the prize money is from Fubar.com. He said it's a big social network thing.
Howard asked Eric if he had anything else to say. Eric said Howard didn't want to get braces but they do have invisible ones. Howard said it's too much water under the bridge.
Eric said he didn't notice Crystal's teeth thing either. Eric said maybe it's from her having diabetes. Howard said it doesn't matter, she could get them fixed. Jon Hein has diabetes and he has his teeth. Eric said he didn't know if that played a role in it or not. Robin said that's why he's a Wack Packer. Eric insisted that he's not one. Howard said he's right. Eric said he's wrong. They went back and forth on that for a couple of minutes.
Eric as arguing with Howard about that stuff and said that he tried to call into Hulk Hogan's show but wasn't able to get through. Howard said he got a ton of calls that night.
Eric said he wanted to call in about Captain Janks because Janks has been saying he sucks dick. Howard had Janks on the line too so he picked him up. Howard asked Janks what his problem is with Eric. Janks said he doesn't have anymore of a problem than anyone else. He said Eric is just a dick. Eric said he isn't a dick.
Janks told Eric that he's been a Wack Packer from day one and Eric should just appreciate it. Eric said he's not in the Wack Pack. Howard said Janks is on the periphery of the Wack Pack because he doesn't have any deformities. Janks said he doesn't have a speech impediment either. He said he does some pretty wacky things. Howard said he's kind of like Mariann in that way.
Janks said that Eric should take it as a badge of honor. He said Eric has made money from being involved with the show and he's met women too. Janks told Eric he's an ungrateful little prick and he takes any chance he can to say he sucks dick. Eric said he's never been near another male's privates.
Janks said that no one owes Eric anything and he has to stop with asking Johnny Fratto for money. Eric said he was doing shows on the JFSC and he never got paid to do it. Janks said that he should just be proud to be part of the show.
Eric said that at least he didn't steal money from clubs and then didn't show up like Janks did. Janks said that no one can stand Eric and he should hang up the phone and just go kill himself. Howard said that's a terrible thing to say.
Howard let Janks go and Eric said he's probably just upset that his cell mate denied him one night. Howard got a laugh out of that.
Howard took a call from another guy who said that Eric is delusional. Eric said he's not delusional. Robin told Eric that he is delusional and he thought that he was having sex with one of the Idol girls. Eric said it was Carrie Underwood. Howard said he wants to hear that one again. Robin said it was great. Howard said that would have to put him in the Wack Pack. Eric said he is not delusional at all.
Howard played the call where Will was talking to Eric and told him he had Carrie Underwood on the phone. He put her on the phone with Eric and Eric thought it was really her. They had this woman telling Eric to do things that Carrie would never have asked him to do but Eric did it thinking it was her. She had him rubbing his Smurf cock on the phone. Eric claimed he was doing it as there were rubbing sounds over the phone. The woman had Eric saying that he waned to fuck her and things like that before she got off the line.
Howard said Eric had to know that it was a fake call. Eric asked why he thinks that he kept trying to change the topic. Howard said Eric should have hung up. He said he really is in the Wack Pack. Eric refused to accept that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Eric is definitely in the Wack Pack. Mariann from Brooklyn told Eric it's the coolest thing to be part of. She said that she's not sure what's wrong with Eric and why he doesn't just embrace it. Howard had to hang up on her since she was just filibustering.
Eric said he didn't hear half of what she was saying. Eric said his line cut out for a minute. Howard took another call and the guy said he wants to be in the Wack Pack. He said he was hit in the head and put into a coma for 3 years. Howard said that doesn't make him that odd. Howard said he has to compare himself to Beetlejuice or Jeff the Drunk. The caller said he's blind and it's hard for him to think. Howard asked what happens when he tries to think, does nothing happen? The guy said he walks but he walks slowly.
Howard asked Eric if he should consider that guy. Eric said he should take that slot they think he has and give it to the caller. The caller said he'd take that. Howard asked the caller if he knows 9x8. He knew the answer. Eric has had trouble with his times tables before.
Howard told Eric he had to go. He asked if Eric had anything else. Eric said that's it. Howard asked if he was alright. Eric said he's fine but just annoyed. Howard asked why he's so annoyed. Eric said they keep calling him midget. Howard said he'll call him Eric the Actor then. Eric said that he's not a midget. He said they're just as human as they are. Howard said he doesn't doubt it. Howard said he'll call him Eric the Dwarf. Eric said that little people don't like that word. Eric said they've said that on ''Little Chocolateers'' and the Tonight Show. Howard said he's not keyed in on all of these midget shows. Howard said maybe he'll call Eric the Little Chocolateer. Eric said he doesn't want that either. Eric said Leno was also talking about it recently and little people don't like that word.
Howard asked Eric if he would like Dwarf better. Eric said that's better than Midget. Howard said the reason they do that is because it annoys him so much.
Eric said that his school is holding a huge reunion for all of the classes and he was wondering if he wanted someone from Howard TV or Steve Langford to come out to cover it. Howard said he would if he was in the Wack Pack. Eric said he was hoping that someone would cover it. Howard said they don't cover people if they're not in the Wack Pack. Eric said he wanted to finish his train of thought. Howard asked him who is going to win Idol. Eric said he would like to see Crystal win if he was a female. He said out of the guys he would like to see Michael Lynch win.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that Eric is in the Wack Pack and they should call him Eric The Wack Packer. Howard told Eric he had to get going. Eric said he wants them to interview the people he went to school with and find out that he's not like they think he is. He said he got along with everyone in school. Robin said it's a shame they didn't meet him back then. Howard said he's sure he did and maybe they'll send someone out to cover his reunion. Robin said Eric should cover the thing himself with his own camera. Eric said he has been talking to Johnny Jr. about that and they were talking about covering it. Howard said they might want to send a crew out there to cover it.
Howard asked Eric if he had a crush on any girls in high school who he never got. Eric said he didn't really have that. He said he did have crushes but now they're all pretty much married. Howard asked Eric if he beat off to any particular girls. Eric said there may have been one or two. Robin asked if he could give them names so they can interview them. Eric said maybe he would.
Howard said he had to go but he would check into covering that thing. Fred kept playing a bunch of edited clips of Eric and Eric got upset that he was playing the gay ones. Howard said no one believes that Eric is gay based on those clips. Eric wanted him to stop. Howard said they all know that Eric is into girls. They saw him with the girls at the Bunny Ranch. Howard said he really had to go. He said he can't get stuck in this vortex. Eric said he hopes to be going back to the Bunny Ranch this summer. Howard said he'll talk to him about that some other time. Howard told Eric he really has to go. Eric finally said goodbye.
Howard said that woman is the greatest thing for TV. He said she's completely wacky and she's got these 14 kids she's trying to raise on her own. Howard said she admitted she was clearly out of her mind doing this. Howard said she has like 2 or 3 nannies but she's running out of money and she has no plan for making more. Howard said it's a disaster. He said it was a compelling hour of TV. He said she even got two dogs on top of the 14 kids. Howard said she fed the kids a can of beans for dinner one night.
Howard told Robin to get a hold of that episode. He said Beth has been watching the show and he gets caught up in it. He said he might be an Oprah fan. He did enjoy that show. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and asked Fred what the name of the song was. He said he wasn't a big Foreigner fan. Fred said this album was huge for them. He said he's not sure why they're considered a joke they way they are. Fred said Journey had a lot of hits too and they were kind of considered a joke too. Howard said music is kind of funny. He said the guy was yelling and it was kind of irritating him.
Greg Fitzsimmons called in and Howard asked if he's doing a regular show there. Greg said he's been on every Monday night for 3 years now. Howard didn't even know that. Howard said Greg did a great interview with Andy Dick on Monday night. He said he just lets Andy talk and that's the right way to go. Howard said they learned that Andy lives in a shed now.
Howard said he knows what this shed looks like and he said that it's like one of those things that doesn't have a floor. Greg said it's the last stop before a shanty town. Howard said Andy is pissing in a bucket now. He said he was fascinating on the show and it was wild to hear the way that he blew his relationship with Ben Stiller.
Greg said Andy is the most well mannered person when you're interviewing him. He said you find out about his life and it's hard to believe. Howard said they played the 9-1-1 call that the family made the night he walked into that house. Greg said he doesn't think that Andy is an alcoholic or a drug addict or even gay. He said he thinks that he just needs chaos in his life. Howard said he might be all of the above but he's not sure.
Greg told Howard that his dog barks at Latino people and hardly anyone else. He said the dog also loses his shit when Andy shows up. He said its' the weirdest thing.
Howard said Beth's brother's dog is like that. He said the dog started barking at him and it doesn't bark at anyone. Howard said they say that dogs know if you're bad, or so they say. Howard said this dog was really going berserk and it sounded like it was barking ''Jew, Jew'' when it saw him. He said he was trying to win the dog over and the dog didn't want anything to do with him. He said even Beth's parents felt bad for him so they said maybe it was his hair. Howard said the dog doesn't bark at anyone else with long hair though.
Greg said that everyone feels bad in side like they know they're not as good as people think they are. Howard said he knows that but Beth's family isn't like that at all. He said he's pretty sure they're good inside and out.
Howard said he felt like crap when the dog was barking at him. He said the family is Polish so there's a history there. He said that there's no telling how the family felt. He said that dogs generally like him but this one dog must have picked up some kind of vibe off of him. Greg said maybe it was his insecurity about being an Aryan family. Howard said Beth used to date football players and now she's married to a guy who looks like fuckin' Joey Ramone. He said the dog didn't calm down the whole weekend they were at this house. He said they were at her Aunt Christy's house and the dog was always growling and barking at him.
Howard said he felt like ''Oh, hey, Beth's Jew is here.'' Howard did an impression of the dog barking at him. He said he thought the dog should have just loved him. Howard said Beth's dad was there and he likes to talk about football and stuff so he has to work hard to prove he's just a regular guy. He said he didn't want to be around that dog Haley at all. They live in Arizona now so he doesn't have to deal with it. Howard said he figured the dog would like him since most dogs do. He said he should have offered to buy their house out in Arizona to get them to get their dog to like him.
Greg said that's like every hackie romantic movie where the dog barks at the new guy. Howard said it really happened to him though.
Howard said that the family seemed to like him and they've accepted him. He said that Beth told him that most of her other boyfriends were shit heads so he's a pleasure to have around.
Greg told Howard about how his wife wanted to get their kid baptized so he'd be sure to get into heaven. He said they have a drive through at the Catholic church now so you can do that. He said that his wife wanted the whole ceremony.
Howard told Greg his interview with Andy Dick was great. Greg said he went out walking after the show and he showed Andy a bunch of celebrity houses and when they got to Paul Giamatit's house he had to stop Andy from just walking in. He said that he did think about letting him just walk up there but then the other part of him told him to stop him before he did it.
Greg told Howard about Andy wrecking another house he had for some reality show he was going to do but the rebuilding never happened. He said Andy lived there for a while in a sleeping bag. Greg said that Andy shit in his yard one time too.
Howard was laughing at the stories but he said he had to go. Greg got in a plug for a couple of appearances he had coming up. You can find out more at FitzDog.com.
Greg told Howard that having Buzz Aldrin and Jesse Jane on the show last week was amazing and it's what makes the show so great. Howard said he has to get him a copy of the video so he can see it. Greg said Jesse is great and she was his co-host at the AVN Awards. Howard let Greg go and talked about how good he has as a comedian.
Howard said he had to take a break. He said he knows Lisa G wants to come in with her update too. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and listened to the song for a little while. He said he didn't know that he had made that remake. Fred said he wasn't sure what album it was from. Howard said he loves the song and he didn't know that Tom Petty had done it. Howard found out it was on his Greatest Hits album.
Howard said he heard a story about Richard Christy going to a female dermatologist and he hadn't showered din a couple of days. Howard said Richard was complaining about how embarrassed he was that he had smelly balls. Howard said that wasn't even the point of his story though. He said he can't believe that Richard has a dermatologist.
Howard said Richard had a zit on his ass and she felt it. Richard came in and said she prescribed him some zit cream for that zit. Richard said the zit has been there for like a week or two. Howard said he gets them on his skin but they go away just as fast. He said he just has to shower.
Howard said he can't believe that he goes to the dermatologist at all. Richard said he goes every 6 months. He said he had a thing removed from his nose about a year ago and he's afraid of cancer. When he was young he got sun burned a lot.
Richard said they removed something form his arm and they're going to check into that. Richard said he didn't know his balls smelled that bad until after he was there. He said he will go a day or two without a shower now and over the weekend he got kind of sweaty. Howard said he smelled his balls when he took a piss in the bathroom there. Richard said he smelled himself when he was taking a piss too.
Howard said he had Toni come over to cut his hair and he had to take another shower. He said he's told Beth not to put her head down there sometimes. He said he doesn't want her smelling his stink down there.
Richard said some women like that funk down there. Robin said she doesn't want the funk. Howard said maybe just putting some Mambo down there would do the job. He said Beth could smell the Mambo when she came down to walk the dog.
Howard asked Richard if he has taken a shower since he went to the dermatologist. Richard said no. He said that maybe Sarah Silverman can smell them when she comes in. Howard asked Richard if his future wife has an issue with it. Richard said she's never really complained. Howard said she's an angel.
Howard said Gary asked Scott DePace what he thought about it and Scott didn't think anyone would take it seriously. Howard said he's not sure why Scott would stop him from making an ass out of himself. Gary said it was worse than that. He said that Scott was really condescending about it when he asked. Scott said they were trying to go for good information and it's hard to take seriously when he's in that outfit. Scott said he was asking him about the technical information in the bit and he didn't think it was that great in the beaver outfit.
Gary said he agreed to play along with the joke and Scott was giving him a hard time. Howard said Gary was good and he thinks they have a winner there. Howard said he should make Scott wear that outfit while he directs the show.
Howard told Gary to wear the beaver costume on the CW 11. He said Gary was really good as that character. Scott said he's sure that if they tested people on that gadget they wouldn't remember it. Howard said he remembers it. He said he was sucked in by the Beaver and he loved it.
Fred suggested that they have Gary pull the gadgets out of a beaver dam. Howard suggested they have Gary come out of a beaver hut too. He said that Gary could build the dam out of all of his gadgets. Gary said he wouldn't mind doing it except for Scott. He said that he doesn't want to work with the guy on that. Howard said Gary could smash gadgets he doesn't like with his tail. He said he could flatten it out with his tail. Howard said they could smash the stuff and add sound effects to the smashing. Fred said now they really have a segment.
Howard said they could have water running behind Gary. Scott said they could have a whole beaver family behind him. Howard said they could buy some video of a bunch of beavers running around behind Gary.
Scott said he stands corrected after hearing this. Howard said Scott was wrong and it was a good segment. Gary said he's fine with it. Howard asked if the show is up on Howard TV now. Doug said one of them is up and one is coming up in about a week. That's running in The Bonus Show.
Howard said he wants a lot of money put into the dam. Gary told them to take the money they spent on sending Scott to Vegas. Howard thanked Scott and Gary for coming in and let them go.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said he thinks that Gary should run the Sybian as Techno Beaver. Howard said he wants him in his masks when he does that. He doesn't want him in that outfit.
The Howard TV guys had stock footage of beavers that they'll be using for that segment now. Howard said beavers are kind of klutzy and slow so Gary should take that on. He said they're so cute too. Howard watched the video and said that Gary should be carrying branches across the creek and stuff like that.
Lisa said they have a story about Ronnie Mund getting stood up by Jesse Jane and her husband. They were going to go out to dinner over the weekend and they didn't show. Ronnie and Richie went out and they never heard from Jesse and her husband.
Lisa said Mike Gange has told them about going to the walk in clinic to get help when he was sick last week. Gange was prescribed a bunch of medications but the doctor didn't tell him he couldn't take them all at once.
Howard said Lisa is looking good with stuff Alliah is telling her to wear. Lisa told Howard about another story they have about a fan who is trapped in Ireland because of the Iceland volcano. There are a couple of people who have family and friends stuck in Europe because of the volcano. Howard let her go after that.
Howard had some audio of this Tea Party guy outing a politician. He was going to play it but he had Sarah Silverman there. He said he should just take a break and get Sarah in there first. That's what he did.
Howard came back and said that Sarah Silverman is coming in and she got $2.5 million to write her book ''The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee.'' Howard said that Sarah was looking good and looked like she lost some weight. Sarah said she's been trying hard.
Howard said he sees Sarah making out with this guy she's dating. Sarah said it was one lunch they had and it's showing up everywhere. She said that she was on his lap once and they had tons of cameras taking shots of them. Howard said it's weird to see her like that. Howard said it never looked quite right when she was getting physical with Jimmy Kimmel.
Howard said he felt like Sarah was cheating on Jimmy when he saw her with that other guy. Howard said Sarah did knock Jimmy a little bit in Playboy magazine. He said she said something about how she's used to a certain kind of guy but this new guy isn't like that at all. Sarah said that she was really complimentary to Jimmy in that article. She said they twisted her words to make it seem negative. She said she has no reason to bash him.
Howard read the quote he was talking about and it was about how she usually likes pudgy, macho guys but this new guy isn't like that. Howard said she also said something about this new guy being more emotional. Sarah said she really likes Jimmy and she has nothing bad to say about him.
Sarah said that they twist her words no matter what she says. She said she could say she doesn't want to talk about stuff but she can't do that either. Howard said that there's not much you can do about hurting someone's feelings.
Howard said it was really weird to see Sarah making out with this guy. Sarah said it's not weird. She said it turns out that the Bachelor and his girlfriend were there at the restaurant too so that's why they were taking pictures.
Howard said Sarah has lost all of this weight and he wonders what Jimmy thinks of that. Sarah said she wasn't fat. Howard said she wasn't but she has lost some weight. Howard asked if she lost it because of this new guy. Sarah said she lost it before she met him. Howard said he likes what he sees.
Sarah was saying that she told a joke about having a bruise on her butt from this guy who she's dating and people thought she was serious. Sarah said it was all jokes from her arsenal of jokes. She said she told that one on Letterman and they took it seriously.
Howard said he saw that Sarah was on The View and she was good on there. He said she's a really good guest. He told her that she did a good job. Sarah said they're such hens but she does love them.
Howard asked if the boyfriend does spank her. Sarah said he doesn't really spank her but he might give her a whack on the ass once in a while. She said everyone loves that once in a while. Howard asked if they do any role playing or racial playing. Sarah said they don't do that much.
Howard gave Sarah a plug for this new book she has out called ''The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee.'' He asked her about the money she made on that and Sarah said it's like the most money she's made collectively. She said she's finally going to own her apartment now that she has that money. Howard said he heard that the apartment is really small. Sarah said she's like the poorest, non-controversial, comedian out there. Sarah said she would rather just play a friend in a movie than have a lead role. That led to them talking about the movies that come out with hot chicks who can't find a date. They talked about Jennifer Biel and Jennifer Aniston being those women who do movies like that.
Howard said he's going out to L.A. soon and jimmy Kimmel is throwing a big party for them. He said that Sarah can't make it to the party because it would be too uncomfortable or something. Sarah said she hasn't been on Jimmy's show since they broke up. She said it would be too weird.
Howard said Jimmy is going to have this huge party and barbecue for him and Beth. He said Jimmy is running the guest list past him before he does it. Howard said it sounds like it'll be fun.
Howard asked Sarah about the $2.5 million she got for this book and if she feels pressure to sell it now. Sarah said she already wrote it and she doesn't put pressure on herself like that. Sarah said the book was due in may and she passed it in 8 months late to make sure it was good. Sarah said she's not ruled by money but she's super proud of the book.
Howard asked if she has any revelations like fucking Tiger Woods or anything like that. Sarah said of course she does, that's in chapter 3. Howard said she should invest the money she got from the book. Sarah said she's going to put it aside for when she needs it.
Howard said when Sarah was on Saturday Night Live she had a tough time. She wrote a ton of sketches and they never used any. Sarah said that's because they were terrible and she just realized that recently. She said she kept them all these years and she saw how bad they were. Sarah said she was there for a year and it was like the greatest comedy boot camp working there. Sarah said she didn't feel bitter about it. Sarah said working there didn't define her so she's kind of happy about that.
Sarah said she was at SNL when people like Adam Sandler, Mike Myers and Michael McKean were there. She said she was there the year they did the sketch of Howard with Michael McKean playing him. Howard remembered that. He asked if they found her doing stand-up. Sarah said she didn't have an audition because she was hired as a writer. She said she had just one eyebrow at the time too.
Howard asked Sarah if anyone hit on her at SNL. Sarah said that no one really did. She said Adam kind of looked at her like a little sister. She said that Spade always tried to see her naked in the changing room. She said he's a friend now though. Howard said Sarah has put in her time and the money wasn't just handed to her. Sarah said that's true.
Sarah said that she was asked to write a book in the past but she didn't feel it was time yet. She said that she figured she had something in her this time.
Howard asked if she's doing book signings. Sarah said that she does and she has a very eclectic group that show up. She said that she has young girls, young guys, big fat smelly milky asshole type guys too. She said they don't do laundry and they don't wipe properly. Sarah said she has been with guys who have that asshole juice smell. Howard said that's his worst nightmare. He said he's no picnic back there so he showers.
Sarah said she thinks of Christy Christy and what she has to do. Howard told Sarah about the story Richard told earlier about going to the dermatologist and not having showered for days. Howard told her about the stink he had and how he hadn't showered yet.
Howard asked Sarah if she can imagine what Richard's balls smell like. She said she knows exactly what they're like because she smelled them one time. She said that it was like bad milk that was left in the trunk of a car during the summer. Sarah said if someone just mentioned his balls she can smell them.
Howard said he pees there at work and sometimes his balls smell strong even though he showered the night before. Sarah said it's a very princessy thing to shower the night before. Howard said he has to because he doesn't want to get up at 3 in the morning to shower.
Howard talked to Sarah about how she banged her boyfriend the first night they were together. He said she can't possibly do that with every guy. Sarah said she doesn't but she knows when she knows. Howard asked how bad it is when a guy smells down there. She said that it kills the mood. She said that it's hard to say if she'd dump the guy.
Howard asked if she's ever had to retreat after going down there. Sarah said she's probably been a sport in the past but now she'll say something.
Howard said he saw that Sarah did this TED Awards thing. Sarah said they're not awards, they're just talks. She said that she was asked to do this thing and she was already a fan. She said she felt betrayed because the guy who ran the thing bad mouthed her. She said it went so well they brought her back on stage after she did her 18 minutes. Sarah said she killed and she knew it. Howard read that the head of this thing told her she was terrible. He was offended by what she did.
Sarah said she had to leave right after it and she had to go to Haiti. She said she went to help them out and the next morning the guy apologized for having her there. She said he Twittered about her and she thinks that one of the rich people complained so he was responding to that. She said he said that he thought she was god awful at the event.
Sarah said she had told some jokes about how she wanted to adopt and how she wanted to adopt a mentally challenged baby. Sarah said she came up with a way to adopt a mentally challenged baby with a terminal illness so she doesn't have to worry about the baby when she's old and dying. Sarah said they were mad at that joke. Howard was laughing and asked who would get mad at that.
Sarah said they had a person with autism speak that day and she never did say ''retard'' during her speech. She said it was ''retarded'' or ''mentally challenged.'' Sarah said this guy Chris Anderson started this TED thing and he likes to associate himself with smart, rich people. She said that she Twittered about him after he came out against her and went off on him. She said that's when other people jumped in and got in on the bashing. Sarah said Steve Case from AOL was saying something about there not being funny and it was like people were ganging up on her by grown up intellectual types.
Howard said it must be tough to have to go home and think about that stuff. Sarah said that the guy didn't even post her performance and they claim they don't have the space to put it up. Howard said he's demanding that they do put it up.
Sarah said she didn't even want to talk about that anymore. Howard said he wants to see Sarah's book go to number one on the best seller list. He said she needs a molestation story in the book. Sarah said she was hung out of a high rise by her feet when she was a kid. Howard said she should tell stories about how her sister molested her like Mo'Nique's family did on Oprah.
Howard said he loved Octomom on Oprah yesterday. Sarah said she heard about that and she has to go check that out. Howard said she really does have to see it. He told Sarah if she wants to go on Oprah she should say that Howard Stern taped her in the bathroom with a hidden camera. Sarah said that's really tempting.
Howard gave Sarah a plug for her book ''The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee'' and gave her some plugs for some upcoming book signings. Here are a few of those dates:
Sarah told Howard a story about going to see an old friend at the Laugh Factory and she ran up and kissed the guy. She said she got this crap on her face from kissing her and it turns out he had just finished eating out a chick and she realized that right after she kissed him. Sarah said she guessed it right when she asked the guy about it. Sarah said that story is in her book.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Sarah about how she didn't shave when she was with Jimmy. He asked if she's shaving with the new guy. Sarah said she does groom it but she likes a nice, neat, triangle that's trimmed. She said it's respectable and grown woman-ish. Howard asked her how much weight she lost. Sarah said it's like 10-13 pounds. Sarah said that this iPhone app ''Lose it'' is what has helped her do it.
Another caller asked Sarah if she wanted him to take care of that guy who runs TED. She said that's fine, he can live with his own non-accomplishments.
Another caller said he saw Sarah on some show and she looked really hot. She was on Regis and Kelly. She said that she was wearing a very unflattering shirt on that show. Howard asked why she would do that. Sarah said she didn't realize it until she was on. Howard told her to hire a stylist. Sarah said she's not into that.
Howard asked if she followed J-Lo on the show. Sarah said she did and it was a big deal. Howard asked if Marc Anthony was there. Sarah said she didn't see him there. Sarah said she did slip in how she hates to see her leave but she loves to watch her go.
Howard said they didn't have a copy of the book there and Gary said they refused to send one over. Howard said he would have read the book and asked her about it but they didn't send one over. Sarah said that was un-fucking-believable. Sarah said they told her to tell Howard to say the book was great and now this is making her crazy hearing that they don't even have a copy. Howard said he really would have read it if they had sent one over. Sarah showed Howard the copy she had but it wasn't a completed book. Howard said that was a very regal picture of her on the cover.
Howard asked Sarah about how her father sits around making fun of people at Target. Sarah said he does that at Starbucks actually. She said he loves to heckle people when they go into Starbucks and he's been punched in the face 3 times in the past 3 years.
Howard asked Sarah what kind of pictures are in the book. She said there are some tits but not her's. Sarah said she has some with girls from the Bunny Ranch. Sarah said they were at the Playboy mansion but they were whores, not Playboy girls. She had done an appearance with Artie out there and that's when those pictures were taken.
Howard asked Sarah about who she dedicated her book to. She said she did that and she dedicated it to her family and her step-dad. Sarah said she really loved him. Howard asked if she wrote the forward herself too. She said she did that and she came up with a ''midword'' which is something new for books.
Sarah was still upset that they didn't send a book to Howard. She said she's out busting her ass promoting the book and they didn't send him a copy. Howard said she should use her own PR firm to do that for her. Sarah said she knows she should.
Howard gave Sarah some more plugs for the book and book signings. He asked if she signs every book. Sarah said she absolutely does. She said she loves talking to people too. She said she would like to talk to people longer but the book store people rush them along. Sarah said she will shake hands too but she has Purell around her at all times.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves Sarah so much and he wants to know what color panties she's wearing. Sarah said they were pink and purple horizontal stripes. She said that it wasn't a thong though. Howard said he pictures her with big panties. Sarah said she does like them to be baggy. Howard had to wrap up and go to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said that was a good performance right there but he'd talk over it. He said he was glad when Daryl came in.
Howard listened to more of the song and said he loves it when Sarah comes on the show. He said it's kind of weird because he avoided having show business friends for the longest time. He said that he's not friendly with anyone but he went to therapy and figured out how to have some friends. He said he started hanging around with Jimmy and Sarah and he always liked being around Sarah. He said she's had some very interesting experiences and it's fun to talk about them with her. He said it makes him feel less alone. He said he gets kind of emotional when she comes in. He said he really likes her. Robin said there's nothing wrong with that. She said that's a very nice thing.
Howard said that woman disgusts him and he's glad they voted her off. Howard said her fans were apparently keeping her on somehow. He said she's not even a mother, she's an incubator. He said that's what the Octomom is too. He said she admitted to Oprah that she was wrong to have done that.
Howard said Kate Gosslin started to cry when she got voted off. Howard said now she can get back home to her kids. He played some of the audio of her breaking down and crying when they asked what she was taking away from all of that. She said she needed a minute to compose herself. Howard said she's crying because she has to go home to her 8 fucking kids. He laughed and said that some douche bag went along with that. Robin said that guy ran for the hills so now she's alone with the 8 kids.
Howard said it's disturbing. He said he's not sure if she's mentally ill or not but it sure seems that way. He said he'd be upset too if he made shitty decisions like she has.
Howard played some more audio of Kate being interviewed after being voted off the show. Howard said that she's upset about Dancing with the Stars. Howard said there has to be more to life than that. He said it's like a child crying over summer camp when it's over. Howard said she must really love going home to her 8 kids when she's crying over this. Howard said he used to get upset when he had to go home from camp because he had to go home to that mother of his.
Howard did an impression of him talking to his mother and her telling him he was doing the wrong thing all the time. He had her telling him about how bad it is to run in the rain because it would make him sick. Howard kept that going for a while. He had his father freaking out on him too. He was doing both of their voices and had them berating him over the running and over playing piano.
Howard played more audio of Kate on Dancing with the Stars and said that he wonders if the kids have to stay with her. Robin said maybe someone will see this and go take the kids away from them. Howard said he can't imagine that being his mom. He said she's crying on Dancing with the Stars. He said those kids could be trapped in a house for 18 years with that woman.
Howard said he knows that you need to learn boundaries but those kids are going to learn in spades. He said whoever cries the loudest in that house is going to get the most attention. Howard imagined what that might be like. Howard said someone should do a sketch about that on SNL.
Howard talked about the Octomom and how they had video of the older kids stepping on the younger ones. He said that stuff makes him crazy. He said damaged women make him mental. He said that's a big pet peeve of his.
Howard said that Kate Gosslin is something else. He said that Jason was into that show she was on. Robin said the show was huge and people were buying into the perfect marriage with 8 kids thing. Howard said the guy cracked pretty quick.
He said he felt bad for the dance instructor on the show. He said that he had to put up with that woman. He can't believe there were people voting to keep her on the show too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a high school English teacher and he has to deal with women around the age of Kate and they relate to her. He said they were all voting to keep her on the show even though she was horrible. They think that Kate is the one who has it together while the husband is the one who lost it. Howard asked if the kids are triplets or anything. He said they have twins and then they had six at once. Howard said they could have killed a few of them in utero. He said that they don't have to have them all. Howard said they could have had one or two.
The caller said the husband was constantly being humiliated in front of the camera. He said that's why he left. Howard spent a little time talking to the caller about that. Then he said that Jon Hein is on top of all of that but he had to wrap up and move on.
Jon came in and said that his kids love the show because of the kids. He said both of the parents are nuts. He said that she would tell the husband what to do and when to do it. She said that they did the show to make money but they also did it to chronicle the kids growing up. He said that they actually turned down some free cribs because she didn't like the way they looked. Jon also said that you could see the dissolution of the marriage right in front of your eyes.
Jon said you feel so bad for the kids. He said they have like 2 or 3 people who watch them. She's written like 3 books and she's going out speaking to people. Jon said that all came out of the TV show. Jon said the husband got to stay home and he was stuck at home with the 8 kids while Kate was out making speeches and stuff. Howard thanked him for that and got to Steve Langford.
Steve said they have a story about High Pitch Mike and the sex he had with the guy who had just graduated high school. Steve said Mike claims he was the pitcher and not the catcher. Howard said it appears that there are no catchers out there. He said he's never found a guy who will admit to being the bottom.
Jon Hein ran down his Wrap Up Show preview next. He went over the stuff they were going to talk about and Howard ended up talking about the dinner he has with Jimmy Kimmel out in Los Angeles when he goes out there with Beth soon. Howard said they're going to have a bunch of people at the party. He mentioned Ryan Phillippe, David Arquette and a bunch of other people. He said that they keep adding names and the list is really big. He said it's a lot of people.
Robin read some news about Larry King and his wife's divorce. They have taken a break from the divorce proceedings but now the baseball coach is coming out saying he did sleep with Larry's wife. Howard said they're saying Larry didn't care because Larry was sleeping with his wife's sister. They had some audio of the coach talking about that. Robin read some more details about the story. She said the coach was claiming they had sex in Larry's bed often. Howard made up the conversations that Larry's wife and the coach could have had. He was on his megaphone doing the voices for those two and Larry.
Robin read some news about Michael Douglas' son and how he got a reduced sentence because of who he was. Howard said he kind of agrees that he shouldn't get a reduced sentence. He said they did give him a 5 year sentence though and that's pretty severe. Howard said it's going to be rough for the kid. Howard said they're saying this is the first time he hasn't been high since he was 13 years old. They're also saying that he wants to get out of jail and go into acting. Howard said that sounds like a sure way back to heroin. Howard and Robin spent a few minutes on that story. Howard said the guy is 31 years old and hasn't had an acting career yet. He said he's not going to have one when he gets out either. He said the 5 years in prison may actually help him get away from the drugs.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that whole Larry King bit was hilarious. He also said that Larry's wife was supposed to be on the show to take a lie detector test. Howard said they got a call from the coach and he told them that she would back out. He was right.
Robin read a story about Angelina Jolie asking for some help in Somalia. Howard said he listens when Angelina talks. Robin read some quotes from her and Howard told Robin to just repeat that when she's honored at her charity thing next week. Robin wondered what happens when she comes out and asks for help like that. Howard said nothing happens. He said she's destroying her body with the tattoos she's getting too. He said she's got new ink on her back that looks horrible. He said it's too much. It's kind of hot and cute when it's a little something here or there but she's writing all over her body. Howard said she must be angry at her body.
Robin read a story about David Copperfield who was being accused of sexually assaulting a woman. That woman has now dropped the case. Robin said she feels bad for Copperfield now. Howard said that sounds like a nightmare. He said you look at him and wonder if he's a rapist. Howard said that's pretty bad. Robin said she was out in Las Vegas and saw a billboard with him on it and she thought it was creepy. Howard asked if she would go to his private island. Robin said there was no way she would go. Howard asked Doug to see if they had that in the budget. He said they'll call it ''Escape from Copperfield Island.''
Robin read a story about actor Kal Penn, from the ''Harold and Kumar'' movies, being robbed at gun point on Tuesday morning. Robin said he was working in Washington DC and he was out around 1am when a man took his wallet and other personal items. Howard asked if the guy had a gun. Robin said he did. Robin said that's an odd time to take a walk at 1 in the morning. Howard said he can't believe the guy from Harold and Kumar was working for the Obama administration. Robin said he left a role on ''House'' to take that job with Obama. Howard said he didn't know that.
Robin read a story about a baseball league president who was charged with child pornography charges. The guy had hundreds of child porn images on his hard drive that was brought in for repairs. Robin asked why the guy would have it repaired if he had that stuff on his computer. Robin said it's illegal to own or download the images the guy had on his computer.
Robin read a story about a Catholic priest who was sent home to German to answer charges of molesting young girls over there years ago. Robin read the details about that story. She said they say there are no allegations in the United States, just in Germany.
Robin had a story about the new James Bond movie that's being delayed because of financial troubles. Robin said she didn't know they were going to make another one. Howard said he's sure they'll come up with the money to finish that since they seem to make money.
Robin read a story about sugar causing heart disease according to a study that was recently published. Howard was still doing his Larry King and Shawn King impressions around this time. He would interrupt Robin's stories with those impressions. Robin would read more of the details of the story and Howard would go into his Larry King impression.
Robin read a story about Apple and how the sales of the iPhone have helped them make billions of dollars since they introduced the phone. Robin said they have sold about 9 million iPhones. Howard said he still thinks that the iPussy is something they should make.
Howard said there is a foreign object in the toilet in the bathroom. The Howard TV guys had a camera on that and they're going to try and figure out who threw it in there. Ronnie was fishing it out and it looked like a toilet paper roll or a tampon or a pad. Howard said it looked like it might be a pad with blood on it.
Robin said it was a tampon. Ronnie said it was rolled up toilet paper with lipstick on it. Gary said he thinks he knows who it might be. Gary said that Rachel Fine was there and maybe she did it. Ronnie said it wasn't her, she wasn't in there. Ronnie said he would look into it and figure out who it was. Steve Langford was in there interviewing Ronnie about what he thought it was.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin read about the volcanic ash that's keeping airlines from flying. They say that it's costing the US Airlines $130 million per day to be shut down.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has two Arbitron ratings books that he'd like to give to Howard. Howard said he can't tell him how to fill it out but if he wants to say that he only listens to his channels then that's fine.
Howard said he can't play a game with him either. He said that they don't even live by the ratings books anymore. He said he's seen people go to radio jail for telling people how to fill that stuff out.
Robin read a story about a Christian Rock chick who went into hiding a few years ago. She has now come out of the closet. Fred found one of her songs and played it for them. Howard said she sounds kind of gay. Robin read some details about her coming out and how she's sticking to her faith but she has come out.
Robin read a story about gay marriages and divorces. While she was reading that story Fred threw in some Little Lupe audio clips.
Robin read a story about how people should be composting their natural waste. Howard said he can barely bring the garbage out. He can't be doing composting.
Robin read a story about a zoo doing a polar bear exhibit where they're trying to show how they have to protect them properly.
Robin read a story about Rod Blagojevich asking for all of the tapes they have of him to be released. She had some audio of Rod talking about that and demanding that they release these tapes. Robin said he says he has a challenge for the Attorney General to come out and explain why he doesn't want the tapes played.
Gary came in and said that the only person who could have been in the bathroom and left the clump of toilet paper in there was Richard Christy. Richard came in and said that he noticed that in the toilet and he thought it was just toilet paper. He said he would fess up to it if it was him. Richard said he'd take a lie detector test or get spanked or whatever. He said Howard can torture him any way he wants.
Howard said it always turns gay when Richard come in there. Richard said he wanted to do a bit where he was going to let him chloroform him and let them change his clothes and stuff. Howard said he didn't want to do that. He said with his luck he'd drop dead from the chloroform.
Robin read a story about how much salt is too much salt in your diet. Howard said he knows you're supposed to cut back on salt. Robin said they may be limiting it legally in foods.
Robin said that Trey Parker and Matt Stone are being targeted by some Muslim groups for the way they portrayed Mohammed in a recent South Park episode. Robin had some audio from the show. Howard said he has tried to watch shows like that but he never understands them. He said he has no idea what they're talking about in any of these cartoons. He said he's not sure why anyone would be upset about this. Robin said they have a portrayal of Mohammed in this episode. Robin read about how they're being threatened by an extremist group. Howard said he has no idea what they're talking about so they shouldn't be so worried about it. Howard said he doesn't get their cartoons but he did like their movie ''Team America.''
Robin read about how Courtney Love is going to change her name to Courtney Michelle. She said that she's going to be known as Courtney Michelle since that's her middle name. Robin said that she's saying that Courtney Love is dead and she doesn't need her in her life anymore. Howard said that's kind of funny. He said that's an interesting thought that changing your name will make things different. He said you can see how it worked out for Fred who changed his name to Eric.
Robin read some news about Jennifer Lopez and her new movie. She had some audio of her talking about what it's like returning to work. Robin also had some audio of Zoe Saldana talking about her new movie. Howard said she was really hot in Avatar but she's not that hot in pictures he's seen of her lately. He liked her better when she was blue. Robin said she's a very beautiful woman and he'd pass out if she walked into the room. Howard said he probably would.
Robin had some audio of Lisa Kudrow talking about her new movie but Howard didn't care. He said he felt like he was watching South Park listening to her talk. Robin had some audio of Julianne Moore talking about working on 30 Rock. Howard said she's in the movie ''Chloe'' and she has a lesbian sex scene that's really erotic.
Robin said that Nick Cannon and Mariah Carrey are getting married again to celebrate their wedding anniversary. Howard said he'd do the same thing if he were that guy. He said that's the best thing to happen to him.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard talked more about Matt and Trey and how bad he feels for them being threatened. He said he can't understand why anyone would get that upset. Howard ended the show a short time later, right around 11:05am.
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Scott DePace came in and said that it was all a joke. He said he was just busting Gary's balls. Gary said that he isn't telling him to stop. He said he was just being honest. Scott said it took him off guard when he asked how the technical stuff came across. Scott said he was distracted by the outfit.
Scott said that Gary had made a mistake when he said Ethernet instead of internet. Gary said he didn't feel that made a difference to the segment. Scott said he did. Gary said he knows Scott just doesn't respect the whole thing. Gary goofed on Scott's shirt so Scott told Gary he had nice teeth.
Jon played some audio from the show where Howard was talking to Scott and Gary about the Techno Beaver thing and how he remembered what Gary talked about.
After the clip Gary said they should have been trying to keep him happy after that segment was shot. Scott said he agrees with that. Gary talked about how he thinks that Scott knows his stuff and he has defended him before. He said he should do the same for him.
Jon took a call from a guy who suggested that Gary rate the products by flapping his beaver tail. He said he could give it five slaps to rate something good. He could also destroy it with the tail like Howard suggested.
Jon asked if they are building a dam for Gary. Scott said they might do that and they have the stock footage of the beavers to use already. Scott said they may do the green screen with the beaver dam.
Scott was cracking himself up talking about all of this stuff. Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary how much he knows about electronics. He asked if it's all his opinion or what. Gary said he's an enthusiast but not an expert. He said he likes the gadgets and he likes telling people about what he likes. Gary said he thinks he knows a reasonable amount. The caller had also asked about how seriously people are going to take him in the outfit. Gary said they may not take it seriously but he's not talking politics or anything like that.
Jon said that you do need to distinguish yourself somehow and Gary is doing that with the Techno Beaver thing. Gary said he may get himself booked on the Today Show to prove them all wrong.
Ralph called in and said he loves that Jon is trying to sell it to Gary. Ralph also said it's funny that Gary is upset that Scott is laughing at him. Gary said that he's not upset that he's laughing. He said he knows people are going to laugh at him.
Gary said maybe they should make fun of Geektime and see how upset Ralph gets. Gary said there are a lot of people goofing on it and Ralph would get defensive. Gary said he gets upset when people attack him so he can get upset too.
Gary asked Ralph if he's an expert in all geek stuff. Ralph said he isn't an expert. He has an expert come on the show to talk about tech stuff. He has Cali Lewis come on when they do the show. Ralph said he's not selling himself as an expert. He said Gary is kind of like his mom and almost gets it right when he talks about this stuff. Gary said that's just his opinion though. Gary said Ralph has a very definitive opinion about what he likes and doesn't like and so does he.
Scott said they're all just opinions and it doesn't matter that much. Scott's voice was going out so Jon asked what was going on there. Benjy said that he heard from the Leukemia Beaver that it could be cancer.
Jon asked Ralph if he thinks Gary has any credibility at all. Ralph said he really doesn't. Gary said that he doesn't think Ralph does either. He said that Ralph's web site (MyGeekTime.com) is just an aggregate of other people's opinions. Ralph said it's really not. He said it's more than that. Gary said he has seen the web site and that's what he thinks it is. Ralph said he has a whole section on the site of his favorite things. Gary said that he has links to other people's stories though. Ralph said that's not the case. He said he writes about the stuff he likes.
Scott asked if a lot of people look for his opinion. Ralph said he really doesn't know so Scott said he bets that not that many people do. Ralph went off on Scott saying he doesn't need to be using that bathroom back there because his directing of the show isn't that important. Ralph also pointed out that he's still in his robe. Scott asked ''You wear a robe?'' Ralph just laughed.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked why Gary doesn't get mad at Howard for saying worse things to him than DePace ever does. Gary said they can't tell him what he should be mad at. He said he does get mad at Howard sometimes but it was the way this went down. He said he takes what Scott says to be valuable and it was the way he said it to him that upset him. Scott said he was just going straight to asking if it really mattered.
Gary said he was busy looking at the trailers on Ralph's web site. He said he had a lot of Iron Man stuff and links to older movies.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she works in the tech industry and she thinks that the difference between Ethernet and internet is a big one and he shouldn't have gotten so upset with Scott about that. Gary said he gets what she's saying. Gary said he wasn't upset with Scott over that so much. He said that he realized that he had made a mistake but he didn't think it was a big deal.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he wanted to defend Gary. He said he thinks his opinion is great. He said he might not be that technical but his opinion about this stuff is fine. He said he's not an expert and Scott is just being a douche. He said Ralph is sucking Apple's ass with their stuff and he finds no fault with any of their stuff. He said if he was truthful about that stuff then he'd take his opinion seriously.
The caller was saying he likes what Gary picks but Scott was saying that they don't even know if he picked them himself. He had an installer helping. Gary said that's true but he had the final say in what he had installed.
Scott asked the caller what he would do if he had Gary asking about what he said while in this big beaver outfit. The caller said he thinks that Gary just tells it as it is and he thinks that Scott is trying to poke at him over it.
Scott said his point was that Gary was in a Beaver costume. That's what it was all about. Gary said he was just jealous that he was in an outfit with hair all over it. They had to go to break a short time later.
Richard Christy was in so he said that he'd like to skin Gary as the Techno Beaver. Gary said that they don't even need the technology in there then. Richard said it would be funny if he could hunt him and skin him. He said he could stay in his boxers.
Jon said it always turns gay with Richard. Richard had mentioned he wouldn't mind putting his balls in Sal's ass crack earlier. Richard said that stuff is just funny. That's why he's willing to do it.
Jon asked Richard about his dermatologist visit. He said that Richard basically reeks from not showering. He asked if the dermatologist commented on the smell at all. Richard said she didn't make any faces or comment on it. He said she hopefully was just concentrating on looking for moles instead.
Gary said that his podiatrist tells him that people have really smelly feet sometimes. The dermatologist must smell stuff like that. Richard said he and Sal went to the bathroom and Sal could smell it from way down where he was at.
Jon asked how Richard's fiancee handles it. Richard said he does shower around her if he's going to be around her. He said that he got busy and sometimes he forgets about showering for a couple of days. Richard said his fiancee laughs about it but she has mentioned that he has a stink once in a while.
Richard said he does brush his teeth and he wipes well. He said he washes his face in the morning but he doesn't shower all the time. He said that all guys like the smell of their balls when they stink. Gary said he has never smelled his balls like that and he doesn't enjoy it. Richard asked if he likes to rub his finger between his balls and thigh and he'll love the smell. Gary said he has never done that and he never wants to. Benjy and Jon said they had done it.
Richard asked if he likes the smell of his own defecation. Gary said it doesn't bother him as much as it bothers others but he doesn't ''like'' it. Richard said he thinks that guys like the smell of their shit. Jon said that's not true with him.
Gary got a note from Ronnie saying what they found in the toilet and who it was that put it there. They apparently found out. Gary said that Richard found the weird stuff in the toilet and didn't say anything to anyone. Richard said he thought it went down when he saw it. He said that he didn't think much of it at the time.
Richard said ''Happy Fog day'' to everyone. He said that it's the anniversary of the movie. Jon asked if anyone else knew it was Fog day today. No one but Richard knew.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Richard why he doesn't take a shower and wash his face at the same time. Richard said he doesn't stink all the time and he does have the time to shower. He said that he forgets to make the time to do it but sometimes it's too late to do it. Gary asked Richard if he's not the kind of guy who has to take a shower every day. Richard said he doesn't need to do that. Jon and Gary both have to shower in the morning. Benjy does too and he said it makes him feel better. Richard agreed with that but he doesn't need to do it every day.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves the smell of his balls. He said it's a known fact that guys like to do that. Gary said he didn't know that and now he feels he needs to go home and do it. Richard told him to go out for a jog and come home and do the sniff test.
Richard wondered if women are like that. Benjy said he saw a chick do that once and it wasn't very lady like. He said it was gross. Gary asked if that was before or after her court appearance.
Jon said Howard was talking to Sarah about the way he looks at her and still thinks about Jimmy. Benjy said he thinks that Sarah should have waited longer to go out with someone. He said a girl should wait a little longer.
Jon asked if Sarah is making a mistake by not going on Jimmy's show to promote her book. Gary said it's not clear if she's just not going or is she just not invited. Jon said that he'll just say for now that she's not going. Gary said he thinks that it could turn into something where she doesn't sell any books from going on but it would be a big deal that she showed up on the show.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that guys from Kansas just don't bathe. She said that's a typical thing. She said that Richard really needs to take a bath. She said that it's just disgusting. She said she loves Richard but it's gross. She and Richard threw out some Kansas sports team references during that call.
Another caller said there is a name for what Richard does. He said that it's Fib Whiff. He wasn't sure what that stood for but Benjy said maybe it's ''Finger in Balls'' or something like that. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about that David Lee Roth performance that Fred played. That was from their Cleveland Funeral show. Howard said that was after they became number one out there.
Howard said he watched American Idol Gives Back last night and the wants that 2 hours of his life back. He said the show was awful. He said the pieces they do where the celebrities are helping people were just bad. Robin said most of the people were American Idol stars. Howard said the show went on very long. He's not even sure who got voted off. Robin said it was one of the kids who looked like one of the Jonas Brothers. Howard said it was Tim Urban according to a note he got. Howard said that kid was terrible. Robin said he was cute. Howard said that's what they said.
Howard said American Idol is a weird show. He said they have this owner who is rich but they raise money from the audience to ''give back.'' Robin said they've raised $15 million from what she heard at the end of the show last night. Howard said that sounds low. Robin said that's from all of the shows they've done, not just that one.
Howard said Jason gave him an article about Exxon making billions of dollars and they don't pay taxes in the U.S. and only paid like 15 million in taxes around the world.
Gary came in and told Howard he doesn't watch Idol in real time. He said he fast forwards with his TiVo. He said he likes to time it so he doesn't have to stay up late. He said it went on far too long. Howard said they have some awful performers too. He said the songs they picked were bad and some of the people singing were just bad.
Howard said they announce Alicia Keys like she's royalty. He said she was out waving to people and he has never heard a song that he can connect to. Gary said JD is putting up the page now but he knows she was saying something ridiculous when she came out. Howard said she's very self important.
Howard talked about some of the places they were visiting on the show and showing how poor people are around the world. Howard said he saw Ellen Degeneres with David Arquette on the show. He said they had Posh Spice on the show and she was shoved into this tiny outfit. Ryan Seacrest was talking to her and they asked her a question and she started reading her answer off the teleprompter. Howard said he's not sure who she thinks she is because she has become some big deal. He said she was the one who they said couldn't even sing. Howard said Posh has gotten involved with some Mexican kids on the show.
Howard said he thought it was weird that the President of the United States was on the show. He said it's just a dopey show and they've become so self important. Gary said the kids were dressed as angels and stuff too. Howard said you must feel like an asshole doing that if you're a man. He said it's so emasculating.
Howard said they had Ryan interviewing Bill Gates and that was creepy. That led to him talking about how Windows crashed again for him. He said he got up this morning and the computer was dead. He said the thing is broken all the time. He said he told Beth that they have problems constantly. Robin said they have glitches with the new operating system. Howard said he has a full time IT guy and he can't get it to work right.
Howard said if he didn't have the IT guy he'd be screwed. Gary said that you can look it up on the internet to see what the problem is. Howard said he asked Beth how her mother deals with the computer. Beth said she doesn't have the problems that they do. Howard said he has word processing and chess on his computer. That's about it. He doesn't have that much shit.
Gary said he can't believe how often he gets notes from Howard saying he can't open something in the email. Robin said she has to shut her computer down when it gets viruses and stuff. She said that happens often. Howard said half the country had a problem with their computers. He said the computer kept opening and closing and something weird was going on.
Howard got back to American Idol and talked about how much money they've raised. Gary said Robin was wrong, they've raised like $148 million total, not 15 million. They talked about that and about some of the other performances on the show. Howard said he's not sure who really cares about what they're doing.
Howard said he saw the Black Eyed Peas and Fergie was dressed up like a super hero. He said Jeff Beck was also dressed up almost like Wonder Woman on the show. He said all of the Black Eyed Peas were wearing outfits too. He said there's this weird looking dude in the band who straightens his hair. He said it looks very odd. He said he's hyper focused on that guy. Howard said he doesn't appear to be doing anything while everyone else is.
Gary said they also have to stick to singing to a track. Howard said they performed live and they really weren't that good. He said Fergie was all dressed up and her thighs looked a little full. He said he still thinks she looks hot though.
Howard said he was thinking about the guys in the band and how he thinks they bang her back stage. Howard said he thinks that they have all taken a turn with her. That led to Fred playing a movie clip of a guy taking his turn with a woman.
Gary asked if it's true that she's dated the whole band. Howard said no. He said he just imagines that happening. He said she's very good at Ebonics and he imagines that she gets off stage and talks white. He said he can imagine what it was like when she was on Meth. He said that was just what he was thinking and it's not a story he heard or anything like that.
Howard said he gets the feeling that Fergie has fucked a lot of black guys. He said she's picked up on that Ebonics stuff really well. Robin said that doesn't mean anything. She said that's making some wild assumptions. Howard said he imagines her all sweaty and dripping. He said she's got that big, thick ass and he imagines the sexuality coming out of her.
Howard said they should write a book about the history of that band. He said he imagines that it's pretty wild. Howard said he's fascinated with the Mexican looking guy with the straight hair.
Howard had the audio of Posh Spice (Victoria Beckham) reading. He played that and talked more about this guy in the Black Eyed Peas who he just found out goes by the name Taboo. Howard said that guy doesn't appear to do anything in the band.
Howard played more of the Posh audio where she was reading off the teleprompter. Howard asked who she is. He said they had to write down her answer because she has no idea what the Idol Gives Back show is. Howard said she's funny talking about that stuff and she's wearing a really expensive dress. Howard said she's clueless. He said he would love to fuck her though. He said she's insanely thin. Robin said she's as thin as they people they're trying to help.
Howard said Carrie Underwood is the worst. He said she's become very important and like a big deal. He said he wishes that they'd forget she came from Idol. He said she's a big star in country music now. Howard said Ellen was wearing a suit during this special. He said even Simon was wearing a suit jacket. Howard said Ellen wore a Tuxedo jacket with a neck tie on. He said she's so weird. Robin said her eyes are a weird color too. She's never seen a color like that on anything but a fish.
Howard said George Lopez came on and had the horrible task of roasting everyone. He had to do it so kids could watch though so it was awful. He said George breezed right over Ellen because there was no place that he couldn't make fun of. Howard said he was making fun of Simon, Kara and Randy. He said something about Ellen that didn't even make sense because he didn't want to offend anyone.
Howard said Wanda Sykes was kind of funny. He said it was a hard room to be funny in but she did okay. Howard said he's a fan of that show but after he sees that show he hates it. Howard said if every show did that it would be awful. Howard doesn't need his TV preaching to him. He said he hates everyone dressing up and doing this special night thing. He said it's not that special.
Howard said if Exxon would just pay taxes they'd have enough money to help these people out without this special. Howard said David Arquette was helping out at a food bank and they were giving out like 90 pounds of food for about 10 bucks. He said it sounds like a deal to him.
Howard and Robin talked about some of the other stuff that was going on during the show. Elton John was on the show. They talked about how he used to dress in a Donald Duck outfit. Howard said he can't make fun of anyone for dressing in a costume after that.
Howard saw that he had some more audio from Idol Gives Back. He had a clip of an Asian guy from the UN talking about where to give money. JD came in and said that they had all of these celebrities on the show and they brought that guy in to talk about where to give money. Howard played the clip and said it sounds like a customer service line.
Howard had a clip of Sully Sulenberger from Idol too. Howard quickly played some of that. He had some Black Eyed Peas audio to play too. He let that play a little bit and said he was getting a headache watching that performance last night. Howard said that Fergie is something else. He said she must have gotten implants because her titties are huge. He said she must not have wanted her husband running off to any strip clubs. Howard said she must be great in bed. Robin said he was talking about someone else being crazy in bed too. Howard said he thinks that she looks like she sweats a lot in bed.
Howard had some other clips from the show but he said he was getting fed up with it last night. He said they say they're giving back but it's the audience that's giving the money to give back. He said they should just do it without making a big deal out of it. He said there has to be other ways.
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Howard said the waiters and waitresses appear to be from another planet and no one else would hire them because every other place is into image. Howard said their waitress was from some other country and he had no idea where. He said that woman was cool because she was working so hard but she could never work anywhere else because she's not polished. Howard said this woman was helping out with a spill his daughter had. He said everyone there was super friendly too. He said they're just not polished enough to work at a Nobu or somewhere like that.
Howard said they walked down the candy aisle at CVS just to see what they had. Howard said they had a ton of stuff he used to love. Howard said they have more candy than most candy stores do. He said they offer you gummies at the register too and they do that every time you go up there. He said it must be something they're pushing.
Howard said he got some new gum and it's like a sandwich looking thing. He said the gum is the best gum ever. He said it was Trident Layers with real fruit flavor. He said it was really good. Howard said the packaging was even cool. Howard said that CVS is the best. He didn't want to leave the place. He said they had everything they needed in there. They had school supplies and food and all of that stuff.
Howard said Gary got good and beaten up on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He said Gary did this Techno Beaver thing that was really good. He said that people thought it was a goof but Howard thought he was giving some great information about this product he was reviewing. Howard said there were people who dressed up, like Officer Joe Bolton, when he was rowing up and he realizes now that they were just douche bags.
Howard said they were beating Gary up over that stuff on the Wrap Up Show and then Ralph called in and goofed on him. Howard said Ralph thinks that his web site is really great but it's not. Howard said his Facebook page is more interesting than Ralph's web site. Howard said Richie has cooler shit on his Facebook page than Ralph does on his web site.
Howard said he thinks Ralph is jealous of Gary. He said the arguments they were having were kind of funny though. He said Scott DePace was yelling about how he's a good director and everyone was goofing on him. He said Ralph told Scott he doesn't need to use that bathroom back there. He said he could go anywhere to go to the bathroom and the show would still look the same.
Howard said Scott DePace knows how to push Gary's buttons. He said the show was great to listen to yesterday. He said that was his dream to hear that kind of stuff on his channels.
Howard played some audio from the Wrap Up Show where Gary was talking about the way Scott doesn't respect him. Scott was talking about how Gary was in a beaver outfit and he couldn't take it seriously.
Howard was laughing listening to the clip. They were talking about how no one would be taken seriously in a beaver outfit. Howard said he would watch Meet the Press if someone was in a beaver outfit though.
Howard said he loves all of that. He doesn't want people discouraging Gary though. He said he loves that character he does. Howard said they're going to do this whole thing with Techno Beaver. He said they have beaver footage they'll play behind him. Howard said he was thinking about that and how Gary should drag a branch across the room. Howard said they could interrupt him with his normal beaver business. Howard said Gary should study beavers and do beaver shit. Howard watched some video in the studio of the beavers working and said they're like rats that can swim. Howard said they're kind of gross.
Howard told Doug that they should take Gary out and let him try to live with the real beavers. Doug said Richard wants to dress like a squirrel and sit in a tree and shit on Gary's head. Howard said they could get some wire to work Gary's tail and have him smacking products with his tail. Howard said they can't overwork the tail though. They don't need to make it move all the time. Howard said they just need to work it when he gets excited.
Howard said they can have Gary coming out of the water with the product in his mouth too. He said he loves this idea. Howard said they say beavers have bright orange teeth that never stop growing. Howard said they don't have to do anything to Gary's teeth then. Howard said he does have some big teeth.
Howard said they should put Scott in a beaver outfit. He must be jealous of Gary. Howard read some notes about what beavers do and saw that they mark their areas with ''scent mounds'' so maybe they should have Gary do that.
The caller said it's not cool that he's calling these other shows. He said he thinks that he should be doing Howard's show only. He said he was calling Danny Bonaduce's show too.
Gary said he got a call from Brent asking if he was cool with Janks calling in. Gary said he thought it was fine but he didn't know Janks was doing other calls for other shows. He said Bubba is part of the family though. Howard and Robin said they didn't have a problem with that. Howard said they're all in the same family. the caller said he doesn't like it.
Howard said he gets what the caller is saying but he's not upset. Janks called in after that and said that he's playing Howard Stern calls on Bubba's show. Janks said that Bubba is part of the family too. The caller said that Janks is just a whore who wants to pick on a midget. He said he knows where he lives and he'll come over. Janks told the guy to come on over and he'll fuck his mom in the ass.
Janks told Howard he has a new call. He said he called a show in Philly about plastic surgery. Janks played the call for Howard and they were taking calls about plastic surgery. Janks got through as Gary and he told the host he had some concerns about getting a nose job. He then asked if there are any side effects of tail removal. Janks said he does a show called Gadget Gary and he sells products to kids and stuff.
Howard cut Janks off and told him he was kind of bored with the call. The caller said that it was a bad call. He told Janks to go back to stealing from people. Janks told the guy to come over and meet him. The caller said he's not going to waste his time.
Janks and the caller were going back and forth arguing. Howard said that this was a silly fight. Janks told him to come and meet him after he fucks his wife.
The caller, John, said that he was on the show a couple of years ago and he's a big guy. He said he could take Janks no problem. Janks said that he didn't throw the threat out there, the caller did. Howard said he's not looking for anyone to beat the shit out of each other. Robin said if they do it on their own and video tape it then maybe...
Howard told the guys that it was enough. He thanked Janks and John for the call. The caller said he heard Janks call into the Danny Bonaduce show too. Janks said he didn't do that and that wasn't true. John said he shouldn't be calling Bubba anymore either. He said that he hasn't been playing calls with Howard in them. He was making calls using Brent's name, not Howard's. Janks said he did that just once.
Janks and the caller went back and forth arguing again for a minute. Howard just let them go at it. Howard asked Janks if he's working. Janks didn't answer. He said the caller didn't sound like he was working. John said he was driving and honked his horn to prove it.
Howard let the two of them go at it for another couple of minutes. They were going back and forth with the jabs at each other. Howard asked John if he can really fight. John said he's the baddest mother fucker in his family. His brother has killed people with his bare hands but even he knows who the king is in his family. Howard said it would be funny if they started to fight but then fell in love.
John claims that he can bench 1000 pounds. Janks said his wife is probably fat. they were going back and forth like that for a while before Howard cut them off and hung up on both of them. Howard said he understands John's discomfort with Janks. He had to go to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he and his daughter were singing a rap song that was pretty good. He said he may have written it down but he'll have to get it later. Howard said there was a lot of truth in the song.
Howard said he had a lot to go over today. He said there was this chick in the news who drove her truck into a woman's house and killed her. Howard said this young girl drove the truck into her and killed her while she may have been high on Oxycontin.
Howard said this 18 year old girl was on her way to court for robbing her mother and now they're claiming she said she wasn't so upset about killing this woman because the woman was old. Howard said this girl is a reality train wreck. Robin said the girl talked her friend into letting her drive because he was driving too slow.
Howard read an article about this 18 year old and how she's been looking at the bright side by saying she wasn't so upset because the woman was old. Howard said this girl sounds nuts. He said she has to go to jail for this.
Howard played some audio of the girl talking to the press claiming that it was a mistake and telling them to leave her alone. She was crying and screaming at them. She said she was pressing the brake and the car kept going. Howard said the day before she was saying that there was something wrong with the tires. Gary said she claimed she was on prescription drugs but she didn't have a prescription or a bottle on her.
Howard said the girl is kind of hot. He said the whole prison angle is more interesting when you think about that. Howard said she's going to have to learn some respect in prison. Howard said the girl's name was Kayla Gerdes.
Howard said the rap song he was singing with his daughter was ''99 Problems'' by Jay-Z. Howard said he didn't know it was Jay-Z. Robin said that song has been around for a while. Howard said he liked the catchy line.
Howard read more about this Gerdes girl and how she was more upset about getting to court than about the woman she ran down. Howard read that she was late for court and she was telling passers by that they had to help her get there. She was due in court because she was accused of stealing from her mother. Robin said she's not sure about this mother because she was on the news apologizing for what her daughter did.
Gary came in and said that there was a lawyer spinning the story and saying that she was in rehab and she was kicked out because her mother's insurance wouldn't pay for it. He was blaming the health care system for that.
Howard read more about the girl claiming that the car wouldn't stop. She was also saying that she was on prescription drugs and telling people to leave her alone. Gary said the girl drove at least 40-50 feet across the yard right into the woman's house. Howard said this woman was a very accomplished woman too. He said she was a jewel and this 18 year old just mowed her down. Howard said he feels awful for the woman who was killed.
Howard read that Kayla was 18 and still in high school. He said the guy who owns the fan isn't in trouble even though he let her drive. Howard read that she was in rehab and trying to fight her drug addiction. Howard said they didn't find a prescription though.
Howard said this girl sounds like a piece of work and he may have to call Lou Bellera to tell her to hook up with her if he ever leaves Amy Fisher.
Howard replayed the audio of the girl asking the press to leave her alone. She was saying it was a mistake so Howard sarcastically said they should just drop the charges based on that.
Sal came in and said that Richard came into the stall and nudged him so he had no choice. Sal said he goes to a toilet because he has to clean his foreskin and Richard came in and threw him off. He said it was odd that he had to share the stall with him at the time. Howard asked why they have to pee together. He said it's gay.
Sal said he ran over to the big stall and Richard followed him. Howard said they have to stop this. Sal said he didn't do it deliberately. Richard came in and said they didn't do it deliberately. Richard said he likes being with Sal and they talk about stuff. Howard told Richard he's fucked up.
Howard told Sal and Richard that they are not to pee together anymore. Sal said that's not right. He said they enjoy doing that. Howard said he doesn't care about their hijinks now. He said they have to stop acting like this and stop peeing on the seats. Richard said they cleaned the seats. He said it cleaned it up really good. Howard said they're not cleaning it properly.
Sal told Howard that Richard threw some paper towels and threw them on Brian. Richard said he didn't really do that. Sal said he did and insisted that he had.
Howard said they're a scream but they have to stop it. Howard said he's the one who has to be rational here and he's the one who is supposed to be the wild man. Howard said they're going too far and they don't seem to be hearing him.
Richard asked if they can go to the bathroom and not being the same stall. Howard said he can go at the same time but not in the same stall.
Howard told Richard he's fuckin' nuts and he's just a hillbilly. Richard said he knows that. Howard said he resents this because he's supposed to be the crazy one and he has to be the sane one right now. Sal said they're just making his crazy meter go higher. Howard told him to shut up because it's just gross and they have to have respect for their fellow workers.
Howard said he doesn't want them in the same stall. He said even gay lovers don't piss together. Howard said they should go suck each other's dicks instead. He said they have to stop living in this closeted life. Howard said no one is interested in their shtick. Richard said they weren't doing it for anyone else. Richard said he did it to surprise Sal. Howard said it's over now. He said they're done pissing together.
Howard didn't get why it was so funny to the guys. Sal said it wasn't funny to him. Richard just likes to pee with him and they like to talk about stuff in there. Howard said they can take a minute break from talking to do that. He said he doesn't even like pissing on the porcelain because he's worried about other people. Howard said if he was from one of the other channels he'd beat the shit out of them if he knew what hey were up to. Howard said it's ridiculous what they're up to. He said they're grown men.
Sal said that they're not responsible for splattering crap on the toilet. He said they've never pissed on the seat before. Howard said that Mel Karmazin could be sitting on their pee. He said he might bring Mel down and see how he feels about that. Sal said that's not cool. He said he knows that it's wrong. Howard told them no more of that crap.
Howard said if he were Brian he would have punched Richard out until he was dead. They said that Brian actually laughed when he got hit with the wet toilet paper. Howard said they just go too far. He kicked them out of the studio saying that they were trying to be funny now.
Ronnie said that everyone is afraid of Howard and making fun of his glasses. He said that everyone makes fun of him out there and they have to just shut up. JD came in and Ronnie said he wasn't going to listen to him. JD said Ronnie was out in the hall asking why he wasn't making fun of Howard. Howard said Ronnie has to stop with that stuff in the hall. He said he's like an old woman Yenta. Howard said he should be a man and just do his job.
Howard said Ronnie is supposed to stand out there in the hall and shut up. He isn't supposed to be commenting on people out there. Richard said he loves it when Ronnie sleeps in Scott's office. Howard said they should waked him up when he's doing that. Howard said the one thing he's supposed to do is stay awake for 5 hours.
Gary said he just heard shit being thrown and Ronnie telling someone not to touch him. JD said Ronnie threw his walkie at him when he patted him on the shoulder. Howard said Ronnie is getting out of control. Robin said the elderly get out of control sometimes.
Howard asked what Ronnie is doing out there. He said the head of security is the most dangerous person in the building. Richard said the other security guys should be in there protecting them from Ronnie. Howard said those guys do their job and just stand out there.
Richard and Sal said that they say good morning to the other security guys and they say good morning. Ronnie will respond with ''Fuck you'' or ''What's your problem?''
Gary said they have the video of Ronnie throwing his walkie at JD. Howard checked it out and said ''Oh my god...'' Ronnie was telling JD not to touch him and to leave him alone. They were goofing on Ronnie about the walkie talkie and what he does with it. Richard said he thinks that he listens to NASCAR on it.
Howard said Ronnie has to just shut up and do his job. He said he has to just stand there quietly. He said he's told Ronnie about that before and he thought he was going to calm down.
Howard said everyone is becoming their own personality there and their personalities are vomitus. He said He's talking about Richard and Sal as well as Ronnie. Howard said they don't know what's right or wrong. Richard said they've done other dumb stuff that's good for the show. Howard said they should keep doing that stuff.
Howard said he doesn't want his guys doing this stuff. Howard said Ronnie is supposed to be doing security there and he's the one who is nuts. Howard said he can't throw stuff at JD.
Howard said he wouldn't go to a doctor that threw stuff at his patients. He let Sal and Richard go after that. They said they weren't going to do the pee thing anymore. Robin asked what else they're going to have to stop them from doing. Howard said they're two dopes.
Howard asked Lisa G what else she had. Lisa said she doesn't know why Ronnie is so angry. She said something else must be going on. Robin said maybe his life is falling apart. Howard said he's never seen an angrier person.
Howard wondered if Ronnie ever took the police psychological exam. Howard said people can call themselves security but who knows what kind of background they have. Howard did an impression of Ronnie talking about a psychological exam and how he couldn't contain himself. Howard said he'd have to be nuts to fail an exam like that.
Howard said he thinks that Ronnie once tried to be a cop. He said there's no way he'd ever pass that psychological exam. Howard asked Ronnie if he had it under control now. Ronnie was still locked in Scott's office. Howard told him he has to calm down. Fred played Ronnie's Scoresman tape where he talks about what he's all about.
Lisa said that Robin is going to be on the Wendy Williams show tomorrow. She's taping the show today but the show will air tomorrow. Howard said he can imagine what that's going to be like. He did an impression of Robin talking about her trip to Guatemala and things like that. Howard said Robin is on a tour doing all kinds of shows.
Howard asked Robin what she's going to be talking about on Wendy Williams. Robin said the subject is her. Howard said that should be interesting. Robin said Wendy is doing well with her show too. It just got picked up for another season. Howard said he thinks that Robin has bigger tits than Wendy does. Howard said they should compare sizes.
Howard and Robin talked about the giant breast thing and how Howard thinks that Wendy made them bigger because she's wearing her insecurities on her chest. Robin said Wendy had big boobs already but she had the implants put in to fill them out. Lisa said she was thinking about getting implants but she's a D so she doesn't have to get them. Howard said Lisa would never do it. Lisa said she wouldn't.
Howard said if he was a chick he would have gotten fake ones at 16. He said he'd want everyone playing with his nips and he'd debut his new boobs at a Bat Mitzvah. That led to them talking about how weird Heidi Montag is looking since she got her implants. Robin said she was a cute girl but now she just looks weird.
Howard said his wife is going on David Letterman's show. Howard said she's a wreck now. He said she's out promoting her book and she's going on Jimmy Kimmel and a couple of other shows too. He said he's not sure when she's going on Letterman. He said they came up with a great bit for her to do on the show. He said they have to clear it with his people first.
Howard said Beth told him that they just want to talk about him and he's fine with that. Howard said she can talk about anything she wants, he doesn't care. He said he says he doesn't care even though he does.
Howard got back to his sunglasses and said he has to wear them because of his headphone problem. Robin said she looks at him and he looks like an alien. Howard said he feels like the guy in X-Men who burns stuff with his eyes. He said that's such a stupid super power too. He complained about that for a minute before letting Lisa get back to her news preview.
Lisa said that the Wendy Williams show refused them access to Robin's appearance. She said they told them that they were too busy to have anyone back stage. Howard said even Letterman lets them back stage. He said Letterman is even more complicated. Lisa said they're doing two tapings today so maybe that has something to do with it.
Howard thanked Lisa for her update and was going to let her go. He asked if Alliah had helped her dress today. Lisa said she already had that outfit and Alliah just told her to go with it.
Howard said he does put up with this behavior so he is to blame. He said he has to go out into the hall and fix something. He said that Scott's intern is locked out of the studio and he's supposed to be working. Howard said Ronnie is locked in there and now he has to go fix the problem. Gary said the door just miraculously opened. Howard said Gary should straighten this out now. He said he doesn't have time to deal with this.
Ronnie came in and told Howard he doesn't want the cameras to follow him around there. Howard said he has to calm down. When someone acts out they're going to follow him around. He told Ronnie he brought this on himself.
Ronnie said he didn't throw his walkie at JD. Ronnie said he threw it on the floor to give Doug some content. Howard said he can't be throwing anything. He said it has to be zero throwing. Howard said he doesn't work for Doug, he works for him. He told him not to entertain out there. He said he doesn't want a security limo driver entertaining. Ronnie said that maybe he should stand outside the studio and have the other security guy come inside. Howard said he wants someone he knows inside but he has to behave.
Ronnie said he went through this the last time and he has been minding his own business. He said they start with the camera business and they're never happy. Howard asked Ronnie if he can deal with the cameras or not. Ronnie said they have to leave him alone. Howard said he doesn't have to do anything and if he's not doing anything they'll leave him alone.
Ronnie walked out after saying he was done with all of this. Howard said it seems like he's the only sane one there anymore. Robin said she's sane too. Howard said he's not so sure about that. Fred played her Guatemala music to show how sane she is. Robin said Fred seems to be doing okay too. Howard said he's not so sure about that either.
Howard said if Ronnie just didn't do anything on camera, they'd get bored and leave him alone. Sal and Richard are always on because they love the camera. Howard said he's begging Ronnie not to do anything out there. He said they'll leave him alone if he doesn't do anything.
Howard, Fred and Robin all talked about the way Ronnie is performing for the cameras out there. Howard said Ronnie says Doug is making him do that stuff but he's not.
Howard said now they have tape of Ronnie attacking the camera 3 minutes ago. That was after he just got done with him. Howard said he's going to try and straighten it out. He said he's not sure why he has to be the boss. He said Tim is the boss and he should be dealing with it. Gary said that Tim was on his way back but he did hear him out there earlier telling him he was out of control.
Tim came in and Howard told him he's in charge of everyone now. He said he doesn't want to be in charge of anyone. He just wants to do his job and leave. Tim said he'll take care of it. He said he spoke to Ronnie already and he'll handle it. Howard said he feels better now. He said he's really not in charge and people don't understand that. He said he just works at SIRIUS like everyone else. People just don't get that.
Howard said his head is going to explode from all of this. He said he's solving all of these problems. He said this is why he's getting out of the business. He can't take it anymore. Fred played Ozzy's ''Crazy Train'' that had a bunch of Ronnie audio clips in it.
Howard said he likes it when Sal and Richard get Big Foot to beat off. He said that's what he can use on the air and that's funny. Robin said going to the bathroom together isn't funny. That led to Howard playing Sal and Richard's Little Lupe prank call to Big Foot.
Howard asked Robin if she had ever had phone sex with a guy. Robin said no. Howard said it's gross when you hear Big Foot doing it. He said there's no way you can get turned on talking to Big Foot. He said he wanted to ''lick her 'gina'' and wanted to ''fuck her like a wild aminal.'' Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said the guy who was fucking Larry King's wife can't keep his mouth shut. He's talking to everyone now. Howard said the guy used to call them all the time. Howard said the guy was on Entertainment Tonight last night. Howard played a clip of the guy, Hector Penate, talking about how he and Larry used to talk and how he worked for Larry training his kids how to play ball.
Howard went into his Larry King, Shawn King and Hector Penate impressions. He was making up the phone calls that could have happened between them.
Gary asked Howard if he wanted Jason to pull the clips from the show when Shawn was on the show. He said he pulled the logs and they found a lot of stuff that she was saying about this Hector guy. She had agreed to take a polygraph test about the whole thing and she backed out of it. Gary said Jason actually spoke to Hector at length on the phone while all of that was going on.
Howard played more tape of Hector and then went into his phone impressions again. He had Shawn and Hector talking to each other about Larry and making fun of him as they cheated on him. Howard had Larry shitting out his colon and asking Shawn for help.
Howard played more audio of Hector talking about his affair with Shawn and how it got started. Howard went back into his impression after listening to more of that. He kept going for a few minutes coming up with discussions that Hector and Shawn could have had on the phone about Larry.
Howard played more audio of Hector talking about how he had sex in Larry King's house and even in his bed. Hector said he didn't find it awkward because he felt it was his house because he was there so much. Hector said he was there in bed with Shawn when Larry was doing his show on CNN and they had it on the TV at the time. Hector claims that Larry would quiz Shawn about his show so she had to be prepared for that.
Howard played more of the audio and Hector was talking about how he would sneak out of the bed when Larry's kids would come into the room. Howard said those kids are going to be seriously fucked up. He can't imagine what that must be like. Howard said he doesn't know who is telling the truth there but he's going with this guy.
Howard played more of Hector talking about how Shawn told the kids that she was in love with him. Hector said he didn't want her doing that. He said he didn't want her kids to suffer. Hector was also saying that Shawn would tell him that Larry would be dead soon anyway so they could be together after that. He said no one wants to hear that. Hector apparently told Shawn's mother about the affair and that's when it ended.
Howard said that dude is weird. He can't imagine why he told Shawn's mom about the affair. Howard goofed on him some more and made up some more phone calls. Howard said that's unfortunate for the kids. Robin said this all can't be good for them either. Howard said it's very upsetting to hear all of this. Robin said she thought this marriage was actually going to work. Howard said it would be cool if the sister ended up marrying Larry instead.
Howard said that Larry might end up in Ed McMahon land. He said the guy is a character and he's the greatest. Robin said even Liz Taylor calmed down. Howard thought she was marrying again. Robin said Liz is saying no to that.
Howard asked if Larry is still doing his show during all of this. Fred said he is but he's having people who are even crazier than him on. He said he had Tom Sizemore on last night. Howard was upset he missed that one. He said it must have been great. Fred said it was a good show.
Howard said he loves Tom Sizemore because he's such a baby. He said Tom and that guy from Alice in Chains who are on Celebrity Sober House are two big baby men. He said that they must have had a bad childhood or something. Robin said she can't believe that she's the highest rated in the narcissist test. Howard said that she rated even higher than those two. Howard said the guy from Alice in Chains is still dressing like he's in the band from the 90s. He said it's the greatest thing ever. Howard said Sizemore called him a has been when they were fighting.
Howard said Tom had a career and he was in some great movies. He had money and he blew it. Now he's on Celebrity Rehab. Howard said the guy just can't say off the shit he's on. Howard said the bass player was thrown out of Alice in Chains. He said that he must have been a real mess to have been thrown out of the band that had a lead singer on heroin. Howard said that show is the greatest thing on TV. He said it used to be that Lamas show. He spent a minute talking about that show and how much he loved it. He said he sees how retarded people are when they do these shows. Howard said Lorenzo's son appears to be a fuck up but they don't show where they get money from. Howard said the son is a good looking dude and gets chicks but he's a total loser.
Howard spent some more time talking about Larry and his wife too. He said life is great. He said there are so many out of control people running around. He said you have to interact with them at times and it's crazy. He said he was around some crazy people yesterday. He said some paparazzi types got a hold of him. He said they must have been looking for someone else because he's really not that interesting. Howard said everyone is nuts out there.
Howard said he's not sure why they didn't lock up that Posh Spice on that Idol show last night. He said she's nuts. He said she was all dolled up and reading off the teleprompter. He said she's trying to raise money to help people read and she can't even read herself. Howard talked about how nutty that Alicia Keys seems to be too.
Sal told Howard to try Barilla multi-grain pasta and it was the same as regular. Howard said he can't eat pasta every day. Sal said they have some great wraps at Lenny's. Will said that Sal doesn't have a chin because of those wraps. Will said he brings his own lunch and eats whatever he had the night before for dinner. He said Lenny's is very good though. He said they have processed turkey there. Sal said they have both processed and unprocessed. Gary said it's not fresh turkey. Sal said he knows what he's talking about and it's fresh turkey breast. Gary said Howard won't like it. Howard said he'll figure something out. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about the prank call they had just played. He also had a Big Foot song parody that he played real quick.
Howard said JD had some audio of Tom Sizemore on Sober House. He was going to play it but he lost it. Ronnie brought in his lunch from Metro Cafe. Howard thought they were going to Lenny's but it was Metro instead.
Howard said that Tom Sizemore and Heidi Fleiss were on this Sober House show and Howard had some audio of Tom and Heidi getting into it and then Tom gets into it with the guy from Alice in Chains. Howard said it's crazy to have those two in the same house together. He played the audio and in the clip Tom throws the food that Heidi set in front of him. Then Tom flips out on this guy Mike from Alice in Chains. Tom wants to fight him but Mike tried to calm him down saying he loves him and he's his friend.
Robin said that they should let her run that house. She said none of this would be going on there. She said they'd see docile Tom Sizemore if she was in charge.
Howard said that was Celebrity Rehab (Actually Sober House) there. Howard said it must have been great with Larry King interviewing Tom Sizemore too. He said it's two insane people interviewing each other.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Steve said they have a story about Ross Zapin being honored at a charity event and Ross is unable to tell them why that is. The group that's honoring him say that he's Hampton's royalty.
Steve said they have a story about a show that's airing on Monday with Tracey Millman. She will be focusing on a staff member for her rants on Monday's show.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down his list of subjects for today's show.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone next. Mutt said that Howard did that Shuli thing earlier in the week and he loved it. He said he liked the Dracula thing he did. Howard said he was thinking about Shuli and the name he gave to his daughter. Howard said it's not going to be easy for her in school with that wacky name. Howard was still wondering why he did that. Howard said Shuli hated his name so much he changed it. Shuli came in and said that his name is a good name and it builds character. He said he can help her get through it because he's gone through it. Mutt was laughing in the background as Shuli was defending the name.
Howard said he was listening to Shuli explaining his name change and how he was known as Sean in high school. He said he's got some wacky ideas about all of that. Shuli said that Howard had to deal with that kind of stuff growing up and it made him the way he is today. Howard said he's in therapy 3 days a week, he wouldn't want his daughter to go through that. Howard said his daughter's names are all very simple and you can't goof on them. He said that everyone is named Ashley now and you can't make fun of that name.
Howard said he doesn't understand it but he doesn't know why he would take his torture and pass it along to his kid. Shuli said that's what every parent does.
Howard told Shuli to change it now before it's too late. He said that she's only 5 weeks old so there's still time to change it. Howard goofed on the name some more and asked Mutt what else he had. Mutt said they'll talk about Sal and Richard and Ronnie. He said some people think Howard might want them to do this stuff. Howard said he doesn't want them doing that stuff. Mutt said they'll also talk about the Wack Pack contest that's going on. Howard said he'll be listening. Mutt said he also heard Howard talking about doing a $5 a month thing for his own internet show. He said they'll talk about that. Howard said he's not going to do that because he's exhausted. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and had Robin start her news after playing a song parody for her. Howard said that tomorrow is the big World Chess Open. He said he'll be watching that. He told Robin about some of the players in the match. Robin asked if any of the players are from the U.S. Howard said one of them is but he's ranked 17th in the world right now.
Robin started her news asking Howard about the sporting plays that were all over the internet. Robin said one of them was a college game where a player ran from third to home and the guy leaped over the catcher and touched home plate. She said another one was a this guy caught a ball over the fence and tumbled over the fence. Howard said he could never do anything like that. He said that's the difference between him and a real player.
Robin read a story about a guy who gave Naomi Campbell a huge diamond for no apparent reason. Howard said Beth used to get free stuff too. He said that people would give her free magazines and stuff just because she's good looking. Howard said Annemarie used to get free ice cream when she worked there too. Robin said the guy who gave Naomi the diamond has been arrested and Naomi is refusing to testify about getting her diamond.
Robin read a story about a man who got into trouble inviting people to his neighbor's house saying that they were having an orgy at the house. He's been arrested for that. Robin said the guy posted that this woman wanted to experience group sex.
Robin read a story about American Idol's ratings slide. Howard said it's really bad and last night's show is probably going to be the lowest rated of the season.
Robin said a woman found a dead rodent in a can of Chef Boyardee spaghetti and meatballs. Howard said shame on her for feeding her kids out of a can. Robin said the rodent was so big you couldn't even see the spaghetti and meatballs. A video has been posted on YouTube.
Robin asked what the top 5 songs were. Howard had them all ready to go so he went through them. Train was in the top 5 with ''Hey Soul Sister'' and Howard spent a little extra time playing that song and talking about how he should be writing a song for Beth like that. Howard was analyzing the song with Robin for a few minutes. They were going through every line of the song analyzing it. Robin said it was the craziest song. Howard played his follow up song which was Sal singing about his wife and her big ass and how she married him for his money.
Howard said he has to talk Pat down off the roof. He said he needs to get his shit together. He said he must be stressing himself out. Howard said this is the kind of love you dream of finding. Howard played more of the song and analyzed the lyrics some more. Howard said Pat Monahan is really in love. He said he can't be feeling this way anymore though. He said they should hear what it's really like on his next album. Howard played more of Sal singing about his wife and how he wanted to ''snap that pig's neck.'' Howard said he hopes Pat doesn't turn that far when things go bad in his marriage. Howard said Pat really has a great voice. Robin said he sings like an angel.
Howard finished up the top 5 songs and talked about how hot Rihanna is. Howard said that chick walks around like her shit doesn't stink. He said she seems to think she's a bad ass. Howard said she's hot though.
Robin said Rihanna passed out during a show the other night and broke a rib. Howard asked if she's back with Chris Brown. Robin said she doesn't think she is.
Howard talked about how hard these performers work now. He said that no one moved around like they do now. He said kids are jumping around and doing aerobics and stuff. He said it's exhausting. Howard said he loved the bands that didn't have to move to put on a show. He said the music did the job.
Robin read some more American Idol news. She talked about the Idol Gives Back show that aired last night. Robin had some audio clips from the show for Howard to play. Alicia Keys was one of the performers and Howard said she went on and on and on far too long. Robin said Carrie Underwood was there too. Howard said she was annoying and she's really taken with herself now. Howard said someone needs to bring her down a few steps. He said she's not as good as she thinks she is.
Robin said Annie Lennox was stuck in Europe so she wasn't able to make it to the show. Robin had some audio of her singing. Howard said he thinks she's talented but he would have fast forwarded right through her. Howard said the kids in the audience must have been wondering what the fuck that was. Robin had some audio of Elton John singing ''Your Song'' too. Howard said he must be sick of singing that by now. He said it is a good song though. Robin had Howard play the ''Stairway to Heaven'' cover that some of the performers did. Howard said he's not sure what the big deal was with that. He said Steve Vai was playing during that song so Howard wondered what happened to him. He said he was supposed to be the second coming and he just disappeared.
Robin read a story about Leonard Nimoy announcing that he's retiring from acting. He's 79 years old now. Howard said he's Spock and that's it. Robin said he was also in the TV show Fringe. Robin said he's been acting for 60 years now. She said he wants to go out on a positive note and he wants some time to relax. Howard said he must have plenty of time to relax. It's not like it's a big deal to go out and work on Fringe every once in a while. Howard said actors don't have to announce they're retiring either. They just stop taking jobs and that's it.
Robin read some news about Tiger Woods and Elin getting divorced. They say that it's definitely going to happen. Robin read that Tiger was at a Nickelback concert the other night and he went back stage to visit the band. Howard said that must be weird for the band. It must be uncomfortable for them to talk about what's going on with him.
Ralph called in and said he's bummed out about Nimoy retiring. He said he was great in the last Star Trek and he's great in Fringe too. He said he must have a ton of money though. Howard said he's pretty sure he'll be back. Ralph said he's doing a convention this weekend before he retires so he may have to go up to Calgary to see him.
Robin got back to her news and read about Kelly LeBrock coming out and saying that she was raped in a new book she's writing. She claims she was raped and abused her whole life. Howard said maybe guys went berserk when they were with her. Robin said Kelly didn't answer clearly when she was asked about being with Steven Seagal. She said she had a life before and after Steven. Howard said it's no wonder she got fat if she was raped that much.
Robin read about Heather Locklear getting into a hit and run accident with a ''no parking'' sign. She could face up to 90 days in jail for that. Howard said he would quit driving if he was like that. Howard gave her a personal message and told her it's time to stop driving and find someone to drive for her. Robin said it must be tough for her kids.
Robin read some news about Rod Blagojevich and how he's been asked to tone it down with the comments he's been making in the press. Robin had some audio of some other people talking about him. The judge is going to decide if the tapes will be played in court or not. Howard said he thinks that they're going to send him to jail either way. He said when the feds are after you they will get you. He said you never win against the feds.
Robin said that someone gave a kidney to someone they met on Facebook. Robin said the person who donated the kidney was a mayor of a city. Robin read about how the woman found out about this man and how he didn't have a donor so she contacted him and donated her's. Howard said he can't imagine doing something like that. Robin had some audio of the woman talking about doing it and how she'd like more people to do things like that for other people.
Robin said yesterday was denim day. Howard said he looks horrible in jeans so he's stopped wearing them. Howard said he told Ralph that he's done wearing jeans. Robin told him to stop it. Howard said he can't pull it off. Robin wondered who doesn't look good in jeans. Howard said he doesn't. He said he wears cargo pants now. Gary said he saw Larry King in jeans once and he looked very odd. He said he wears his jeans too high and too tight.
Robin said today is Earth Day. She said there is also something called ''No child left inside'' to get kids outside. Robin said they want schools and homes to get their kids out of the house.
Robin read a story about school lunches and how they're making kids too fat. She read that there's a group that found that the kids are getting too fat to fight for the military. Robin had some audio of someone speaking about that. That led to Robin talking about how she was out speaking to some kids about being vegans at a vegan restaurant. Howard said he's glad that she can pass that information along to other people.
Robin read a story about President Obama asking for some advice on who to pick as a Supreme Court replacement. Howard said he would love to be on the Supreme Court but he wouldn't read anything. He said that could be a problem.
Robin read a story about how Ben Roethlisberger being suspended for 6 games because of his conduct. Robin had some audio of the team owner talking about the suspension.
Robin read a story about Jim Carrey and how he's collaborating with Slash. The two of them were rocking on stage at some club in Sherman Oaks, California. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Jon said that they have to talk about Ronnie and how upset he got today. He said he doesn't appear to be as upset with JD as he was with Jason. Jon said that Ronnie was upset with Gary and some other people for not goofing on Howard about his glasses even though they goofed on his glasses.
Gary said he never notices anyone's glasses there. He stays out of Ronnie's way there and he doesn't pick on him unless he really has to. Gary said he could do that with anyone there but he doesn't do that.
JD said Ronnie likes to pick on everyone there so he should be able to take it. Jon said it seemed like Ronnie was blaming Howard TV today. He wondered if that was an excuse or is that a problem. Gary said that Ronnie didn't do that for the Bonus Show. He said he was really pissed and something had gotten under his skin.
Jon asked JD about how he had spotted Ronnie freaking out. JD said Ronnie starts in with him every morning when he comes in. He said he thought he was just doing his usual ball busting but then he started yelling at Sal and Richard for not talking about Howard's glasses. JD said he hadn't even noticed the glasses until later on.
Jon asked if Ronnie was doing it so JD would hear it. JD said he definitely did that. Brian Phelan came in and said that he was doing that for them in the Howard TV room too. He said it all ended up turning on Ronnie though.
JD said you have to be more subtle when you do stuff like that. He said you can't just go in and set off an atom bomb. JD said he hasn't said anything about Ronnie's glasses but Ronnie seems to think he was.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Ronnie about minding his own business and just staying quiet. After the clip Jon said it works both ways with Ronnie. JD loves to get under Ronnie's skin and Ronnie loves to get under JD's skin. JD has a sense of humor so he can deal with it. JD said he thinks that Ronnie is playing up the tough guy image sometimes too. Today he thought that Ronnie looked like he was really pissed though. JD said he stayed away after that.
The guys talked about how Ronnie barricaded himself in Scott's office. They goofed on Scott during that discussion saying he's not the one you want consoling you.
Gary talked about how evil it is back in the office with the way things get back to Howard. He said that people will pass information along through each other until it gets to him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie seems to have a good reason to snap. He said that he's always got guys busting his balls in the hall and he finally snapped. Gary said that wasn't happening today though. The caller said the stuff that goes on there is childish and Ronnie must have something else going on behind the scenes. He said he loved it though.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that he and Ronnie didn't say anything when Ronnie locked himself in the studio. He said he didn't want to say anything to Ronnie. Scott said that his intern did get locked out of the room though. He said the show was on in there and Ronnie was listening so it was very uncomfortable in there.
Jon asked Scott what it's like when Howard asks for Ronnie to come in. Scott said he'll pass it along but Ronnie will just sit there.
Jon asked Scott's intern what had gone on in there. The intern said he went out to swap CDs to record the show and he wasn't able to get back in. He said he saw Pete hanging out there and he didn't know what was going on there. Scott said he did tell Ronnie that Pete was out there and Ronnie just told him to leave the door closed. Gary said Pete is like Where's Waldo and he just pops up during moments like that.
JD said he went out and tried to pat Ronnie on the shoulder but he freaked out and heaved his walkie talkie at him. JD said he laughed and just walked away. JD said he was really pissed so he didn't bother him.
Jon said that Howard gave up the reins to Tim Sabean to take care of Ronnie. Gary said that someone suggested that they hand them all over to Tracey and let her take care of Richard, Sal and Ronnie.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Ronnie is the least qualified for the job he has. He said he's supposed to be security and he should be even tempered. The caller said that he's in charge of the door and things and if he's not focused on that then he's a liability. Jon said if he didn't do his job well he wouldn't be around there. The caller said Howard never fires anyone and the only way he's going to get fired is if it's a human resources thing.
Ronnie came in and asked the caller how he knows any of this. The caller said that security shouldn't be caught up in all of this shit. Scott said this caller doesn't get the show. The caller said he gets it just fine. Ronnie just said ''Whatever... fine...''
The caller asked if he was wrong. Ronnie was speaking very low but then he snapped again and yelled at the caller saying he didn't say he was wrong. He asked the guy what he does for a living. The caller said he pays his subscription and that gives him the right to call in and bring this up. Ronnie said that he's a stupid ass not answering the question. Ronnie said he must not have a job and just admit it. He said anyone who calls into a radio show at 11:30 in the morning doesn't have a job.
Ronnie said he wants to know what he does. The caller said that Ronnie is ''Deflection Man.'' Ronnie said that he just wants to know what he does. The caller wasn't answering and said he thinks that Ronnie shouldn't have that job. Ronnie didn't seem to care. Ronnie and the caller went back and forth not answering each other's questions for a few more minutes. Jon had to cut the caller off and let him go.
The caller kept asking how Ronnie let Gary Busey attack Howard. Ronnie said back then he wasn't in the studio during breaks. After that they came up with a new rule that he was to go into the studio during the breaks. He said that wasn't his fault at all.
Jon asked Ronnie if he was going around asking people why they weren't making fun of his sunglasses. Ronnie said he just found it odd that they make fun of him for his sunglasses but not when Howard wears something that's similar. He said that Howard was making fun of his big sunglasses and the way they were tinted and Howard has a pair that's almost the same.
Jon asked Ronnie why he was blaming Howard TV for what happened and why he locked the intern out of the studio. Ronnie said he let the intern in as soon as he came back.
Jon asked Ronnie if he's okay with Tim Sabean being in charge of him. Ronnie said he's fine with that. He said if Tim gets upset with him then he might be out of there. Ronnie ended up getting upset with JD laughing at him. He said he can't deal with JD being in there so he had to ask him to leave or he's leaving himself. JD turned around so he wouldn't see him.
Gary asked Ronnie about throwing his walkie at JD. Ronnie said he threw it on the floor and didn't hit him with it. He said he did it for the TV cameras. Ronnie said they didn't tell him to do that stuff but he has known Doug a long time and that's what they want. He said Doug said they needed something to happen today so that's why he wanted something like that to happen.
Will was in and saying that he didn't do anything wrong but Ronnie is blaming him for something. Will asked Ronnie if he was building a bird house or something with those glasses. Ronnie wasn't laughing.
Jon asked Ronnie if Sal and Richard were breaking his balls today at all. Ronnie said that JD is the one who always breaks his balls. JD said that he didn't start first today. Ronnie started with him. Ronnie told him to be quiet for a minute and he'll be out of there. JD asked who started with who today. Ronnie admitted that he did. JD said he didn't say anything to Ronnie today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that when you're security you're supposed to stand there and do your job. Ronnie told him to tell that to the Howard TV guys. Ronnie said when you have a camera in your face all the time and they egg you on ''then, hey...''
Doug Goodstein called in and asked Ronnie what he said to him that makes him think he has to do stuff for the cameras. Ronnie said that Doug is the biggest puppet master there. Doug said he's going to cut the strings so he doesn't have to perform. Ronnie told Doug to just go to the dentist on company time. Doug said there's nothing there. He said he didn't have anything on him.
Ronnie wasn't listening and told Doug to go away. Doug wanted to hear what his proof was that he masterminded this whole thing today. He said Ronnie is on an empty road. Ronnie said Doug is the best and that's why he's in charge of the TV show. He's giving Doug credit for what he does.
Jon had to cut them off. He took another call from a guy who said when you're a security guy you can't be animated like Ronnie is. He said Ronnie must be like a face they throw out there but the black guys outside the studio are really in control. Ronnie told him he has it right. That caller said he has done some training so he knows about this stuff. He said Ronnie can't be trusted and he's not sure how Howard trusts him to even drive him. The guy asked where he went to school for security training. Ronnie said he didn't do any training. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said that Howard had to tell them that he wasn't kidding around about it. Sal came in and said he knows that Howard was mad. Richard said he didn't know that they did anything that wrong until they got yelled at. He said he understands that he's not supposed to piss all over everything.
Gary said if that was anywhere else they would have been told not to pee together at all. They're very lenient there. Richard said he used to pee in a spackle bucket with other guys. Gary said that's a different story.
Gary said that Sal and Richard don't like each other that much to go pee together. Sal said that they like that other people are repulsed by it. Gary said that makes more sense.
Jon asked Sal if he likes to go out and see piss on the seats in other bathrooms. Sal said they don't do that. He said that they usually just pee. Richard said that they go and get coffee together too. Gary said that's not the same thing and it's not as personal as peeing together.
Sal said it is a personal thing but they don't do it for shtick. Will said he's lying because he just said that it was shtick to see other people's reactions. Sal said they have ideas when they cross streams. He said they've come up with funny stuff when they do that.
Gary said he was bored with his. He said that they're not being honest. Richard said they do this even when people aren't around.
Jon played a clip of Howard going off on Richard and Sal about the piss thing. He said that they're going too far and Sal said they'd never pee again.
Jon said Howard called Sal an asshole a couple of times in there. Sal said he misses those days. Sal said that's what happens there on the show. He said you could cure cancer and in a few months you'd be an asshole again. Gary told him to stop there. He said that there are other people who work there that don't get in trouble. Sal said that they're under a microscope there though. Sal said he knows that he gets into trouble like Ronnie and Scott do. Gary said Sal seems to be the one who gets into more trouble than Scott does.
Gary said he thinks that Sal is like a pedophile who has learned how to repress his thoughts. Sal didn't like the comparison there.
Jon asked Richard if he was crying in the studio today. Richard said he wasn't crying. He said he was trying to keep a straight face so he wouldn't laugh at Howard. He said that he would admit it if he did but he wasn't crying.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Sal and Richard are radio gold. He said that they're dammed if they do or dammed if they don't. He said they have to do this crazy stuff and they're going for Howard's reaction to this stuff. He said he loves Sal and Richard and thinks that they're geniuses. He asked Gary if he kind of turns a blind eye to this stuff so Howard can go off on them himself. Gary said in this instance he didn't even know about it. He said in other instances he just lets it happen. He said that it can make it to the air in many ways so sometimes he does that.
Jon asked the guys if they thought Howard would like it in some way while it was happening. Richard said he hates getting yelled at. He said it sucks when he's yelling at you. Sal said that they did like it when Howard got angry at them the first time. He said that it's kind of funny but he does get worried about what might happen. Sal said today it got to anger and that wasn't fun. Gary said it comes across like kids getting yelled at when Richard is talking.
Jon said that they were trying to joke around with Howard and it seemed like the message wasn't getting through to them. Sal said it was getting through to him and he was just trying to break the ice in there. He said he was just trying to put the boss at ease. He said that's just the way the show goes and he loves being there. They had to end the show after that.
Best of the Week was over around 12:20pm.