|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard and the guys were back from their week long vacation. Howard started the show and Robin said he sounded strange. Howard told her that's because everything sounds strange after you go to Guatemala. Howard said he was going to start with something but Robin interrupted and asked if he was going to mention that she made it back alive. She said it wasn't dangerous down there and the most dangerous thing she did was go into a cave down there. Howard said it wasn't about her yet. Howard said he's not even sure if she was actually down there.
Fred brought up this woman who had some eggs laid in her head and she had some kind of worm coming out of her. Howard said he read about another woman who picked up some kind of disease in another country. Robin said she's read about that stuff too. Howard said the next thing they know Robin is going to have snakes growing out of her or something.
Howard said he saw that Robin was Facebooking and twittering the whole time she was down there. He said it looked like a waste of a week's vacation down there. He said everything she was mentioning looked boring. Howard said she wasted week. Robin said it was incredible and it was beautiful down there.
Howard said Robin was writing about how she was in a coffee farm and an hour later she was saying she was still there. Howard said he doesn't understand how things are going to change down there. Robin said they already are changing down there. She said they're changing the way girls get an education down there already.
Robin said he was on a plane with this guy Robert Pittman over the weekend. She said that man is a real hero. Robin said the guy was a Marine and his story is amazing. She told Howard about the guy and some of his stories. Robin gave Howard some of the details and said that he goes around to schools telling the kids that they have to participate. Robin said that she was talking to him on the plane and she was pointing out Manhattan on the way into the city since the guy had never been there.
Howard said Robin was playing Duck, Duck, Goose down in Guatemala. She had said it was a very demanding game. He read through them in his Robin voice and goofed on her for a couple more minutes. He said she was busy doing that quite a bit down there. Howard asked how many people follow her tweets. Robin said she really doesn't know. She was doing it all through her Blackberry. Howard said he and Beth kept logging in to check her Tweets while she was down there.
Howard asked Robin about the way she was communicating with people down there. He said he saw that she was at a Taco Bell or something down there. Robin said she wasn't in one, she was just talking about all of the places that they have down there. Howard said he thought she was eating there instead of drinking her green drink.
Robin said she may enjoy rock climbing. She had to do a little bit of that down there. Howard asked if she still has her race car. Robin said she still has that. She doesn't have her horses anymore. Howard asked how her boat is. Robin said that's fine. Captain Dennis is still working for her and he's working out well. Howard said he never thought that was going to last.
Howard said someone wrote an article about how when they were kids, in the 60s, the vision of the future was very Jetsons like. He said they thought we were going to be flying cars and stuff. He said we're so far away from that. Howard said that we're not even close to having anything like that. He said that the only person who came close to inventing cool stuff is Steve Jobs. Howard said he has really cool stuff that's futuristic. Howard said no one else is coming up with that kind of stuff.
Howard said the cartoons from those days showed really hot people too. Nothing like that is happening. Howard said we're not fucking hot robots or anything. He said that the future is here and it's kind of cool, but not that cool.
Howard said by now we should be teleporting and flying cars to and from work. He said our scientists must be really dumb. Robin said they're not keeping up with people who write science fiction.
Howard said around the time of the Academy Awards people were pretending that this girl was going to be a part of show business. Howard said she's an obese woman and she's not going to have a big career. He said that everyone on the planet is writing about what a horrible person he is for saying that. He said they're saying he's disgusting and racist for saying that.
Robin said that it should be a wake up call for the girl. She said she's upset that it's become fodder for a debate.
Howard said this isn't about him. He said he's commenting about Hollywood. He said it's got nothing to do with her. He said that she's going to miss out on a lot in life if she doesn't lose weight. Howard said it's not worth it to stay big to get parts. He said that there is no major film where a morbidly obese woman who made it into show business and stayed there. Howard said he's not the one to be blamed. He said he's just pointing it out. He said that no one in Hollywood is going to cast an obese woman in a major movie.
Howard said he was thinking about Rikki Lake and how she was never in films again after that one she did as a fat girl. He said that Gwyneth Paltrow did a movie in a fat suit but that was just a fat suit.
Howard said he's not sure why people are afraid to bring up a woman's weight. He said that if she was white maybe they would bring it up. Howard said people think this is a racial issue and it's not. He said it's not white or black, it's about being fat.
Howard said news people were asking where his Academy Award nominations were. Howard said that made him yell at his TV. He said he's not an actor. He said he's a radio guy and he's received plenty of awards for what he does. He said he should have gotten an Oscar for his movie though. He said if he was just an actor he would be getting awards because that's just how good he is.
Howard said there were a lot of people opening their yaps about him and he's going to tell everyone what assholes they are. Howard said he will find out about these people.
Howard said it's not about what he thinks. He said he hopes he's wrong about her getting jobs but he really doesn't feel that she's going to get a lot of work. Howard said this is the most bizarre reaction to a comment he's ever seen. He said he actually loves it because he's getting a ton of press for this whole thing. Howard said he's not even looking to hear about himself because he's been trying to stay out of the paper.
Howard had JD come in to tell him what to play. JD came in laughing at Howard yelling about fat people. Howard asked when they last saw a morbidly obese woman in a movie. JD said that woman was in ''What's Eating Gilbert Grape.'' Howard asked when she was in another movie. JD said he looked it up and she hasn't worked in like 5 years.
Howard said that Gabourey's mother was saying that her daughter never would have gotten that role if she wasn't as big as she is. Howard said that's not the right way to look at things. He said that this country is trying to stop obesity but no one is trying to get this girl to lose weight. Howard said that he can't be blamed for saying that she's not going to work when there are no morbidly obese women working in movies. Robin said that Nell Carter did okay. Howard said that was a comedy she was in though. Robin said she's also dead. Howard said it's going to be hard for this girl to get work. He said that's all he's saying.
Howard said he'd like to know why people aren't yelling at the directors out there who aren't casting obese women in their movies as the leads.
Howard said there was someone who was saying positive things about what he said. He said there were other people saying she was fat too like Jamie Foxx. Howard said he was calling her Notorious Precious. Howard said Jamie works in Hollywood so he knows.
Howard played some audio of a woman, Susan Powder, talking about how fat is related to disease. She was saying that it was irresponsible for the NAACP to come out and say that this is racist. The woman said that Gabby's weight is going to affect everything she does. She said that her weight is going to be a burden in her life. She was saying that Gabby is going to be judged microscopically. She said that she is morbidly obese and she has to stop denying it.
Robin said she's telling her the truth. Howard said that no one else is going to do that. Robin said that the news people don't get it and she's going to have to stop watching because they don't know what's going on.
Howard played more of that audio clip and Susan was telling Gabby that she is going to be uncomfortable and she is diseased.
Gary came in and Howard asked where he got his tan. Gary said he was in Mexico. He said that he saw a coach for the Jets going to get surgery to lose weight because they were afraid he wasn't going to be around if he didn't. Howard said he finds it funny that he has become the focal point of all of this.
Howard played some audio from The View where they were talking about his comments about Gabourey. In that clip Elisabeth Hasselbeck was talking about his comments and she was saying that he's a dad and she thinks that he'd be upset if someone was talking about his kids that way. Howard said if his daughter was obese he'd tell her he doesn't want her to die and she should lose weight.
Howard played more of the audio and Elisabeth was saying that Robin should have been defending her. They talked about how confident Gabourey was when she was on the show. They were also saying that Oprah Winfrey has no problem with work even when she's fat. Joy Behar pointed out that Oprah isn't just an actress. Joy said that Howard was talking about getting roles in movies. The women on the show were all talking over one another. One of their guests was saying that she was going to end up killing herself. Howard said he never said that. He said he was saying that she would end up dying from being obese.
Howard played more of the audio and Whoopi was saying that if they want to see what kind of future she's going to have you just have to see her in ''Precious.'' Howard said that's not what he's talking about. He said he never said she was a bad actress. He said he was saying that she's not going to get a lot of roles. Howard said she's not going to make the kind of living that leading actors and actresses are going to get. Howard said that they all want to demonize him but it's not his fault that Hollywood doesn't hire fat people for lead roles.
Robin said she is worried about her weight. She'd like to see her lose weight so she can be healthy.
Howard played more of The View and Whoopi was pointing out that there have been fat guys in movies and no one was telling them to lose weight. Howard said they were comedies though. He said he's not sure if Gabourey has a comedic side or not. He said that Whoopi is a fucking asshole too. Whoopi was saying that she's going to get a lot of work. Howard said that's right after all of this publicity she had from her other movie and she doesn't know what her future is going to be.
Howard pointed out that Whoopi hasn't been getting any lead actress roles either. He said she had to go to radio because of that. He said no one was looking for a leading role for her fat ass. Robin said that's because she doesn't look like the typical Hollywood model.
Howard played some more of The View and some guy was talking about American Idol and brought up Ruben Studdard. Elisabeth brought it back to Howard saying that he wasn't an Idol. Howard said the guy's career has dried up and he'd like them to explain why that was. He said he sees what kids buy musically and they appear to like thin people.
Howard said fat women get cast into comedies and things like that. Howard said they make movies with people in fat suits. He said they don't hire fat people to play fat people yet no one is yelling about that.
Howard said the girls on The View don't have the balls to tell Eddie Murphy that dressing up in a fat suit to play a fat person is wrong. Howard said that they don't discuss anything ''real'' on those shows.
Howard played more of the audio where they were talking about the fat people on American Idol who have made it into the final rounds. This guy on the show was saying that it was racist. Howard said it's not racist. Howard said he's seen people writing about him being racist and there was nothing racist in there. Howard said they were trying to lump him into the Imus category.
Howard said that fat women don't get cast into leading roles. That's all he was saying. He didn't say anything racist but that's what they're trying to turn it into.
Howard played some audio from Foxx and Friends on Jamie Foxx's channel. They were goofing on Howard for what he said about Gabourey. They brought up what Howard was saying and how wrong it was. They were goofing on Howard's looks as they were complaining about Howard talking about Gabourey's looks. Then Jamie Foxx shows up and calls her ''Notorious Precious'' and they all change their tune like it's fine to make fun of her. One guy called him a ''pelican bastard.''
Howard played more of the audio of them talking about him and said that no one is listening to them. Howard said they aren't bringing any subscribers in over there. Howard said the whole reason they're on the air is because of him. Howard said that they don't have any right to call him a loser. Howard said that no one is listening to them and they're wasting their money. Howard said no one even knows what their names are.
Howard said he was a big proponent of the movie ''Precious'' and he has nothing against the Gabourey. He said that he's not the one doing the hiring. He said that this ''pelican bastard'' isn't doing the hiring out there so he's not the one to blame. He said he's just pointing out that they don't hire women like that in Hollywood and they're making him out to be the bad one.
Howard had called Oprah a liar for saying that Gabourey was going to be a huge star. They talked about that on Foxx and Friends and they were flipping out that Howard had called Oprah a liar. Howard said she is a liar though and Oprah would never hire this girl to work in a movie. Howard said Oprah makes a big deal out if it when she loses weight herself. Howard said that no one that size has a big career in Hollywood and Oprah was lying to her.
Howard said Oprah is twice the size that she's ever been but she doesn't put herself on the cover of her magazine looking like that. Howard said they put pictures of her looking svelte. Howard asked why Oprah does that. He said she does it because it sells magazines and she knows it.
The guys on Foxx and Friends were talking about how Oprah could buy them out and fire Howard. Howard said Oprah bilked that company out of millions of dollars with her channel there. Howard said she doesn't do anything there for them. Howard said that he could buy and sell them too and that doesn't make his arguments any better.
Howard played more audio of the Foxx and Friends and they were making fun of Robin's weight. They said that she's ugly even after losing weight. One guy said that it didn't change her fucking face even after she lost weight. They were also talking about the fat women who have worked in Hollywood but none of them are currently working. JD said he had cut the names out for time.
Howard said there have been fat women who have worked but they get a one shot deal. Howard said that there won't be a longevity in her career. He said he's not the one hiring though so he can't be blamed. He said this is a dumb discussion. Robin said they have moved on to talk about how ugly she is but she's not in movies.
The Foxx and Friends crew eventually said that Howard was making some points about her health. One guy asked who Howard was to talk about someone's health though. Howard said she's in the danger zone of health. One guy was talking about how Howard had a ''gecko built ass'' so Howard wondered what that was supposed to mean. Howard said they all sound ignorant on that show. Howard said they all changed their tunes when Jamie Foxx came in. He said Jamie is the talent over there. He said that they're just dopey and Jamie tells them all what to think.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to touch on that fat chick from Hairspray. Howard said that the girl was good in that movie but she never worked again. The guy said that she was in another movie but she lost like 100 pounds. Robin said she was cast to do another show but she got kicked off of that and was recast.
Howard said this whole thing is absurd. He played the audio of Jamie Foxx coming in during the Foxx and Friends show and talking about Gabourey being ''Notorious Precious.'' They all laughed when he said that. Howard said it became hysterical to them all of a sudden. Jamie was goofing on her and some of the guys were acting like it was mean but they were all laughing. Jamie was doing an impression of Mo'Nique that was pretty funny.
Howard said it was laughable that they changed their tune like that. Howard said that guy is the talent over there. He said he's not sure about the rest of them. Howard said that fat is funny all of a sudden. He said he hasn't heard anything about it since then. Howard said everyone is a fake and a phony. He said he's standing buy his statement that she won't have a career.
Robin said she's going to reach out to her and try to talk some sense to her. Howard said she'll get hammered if she does that. Robin said that it can't be fun being the subject of this debate. Howard said he's not going to talk about it anymore. He said he's going to drop it and never talk about it again. Howard said these guys are the ones who are perpetuating it by talking about it on their shows. Howard said that it was a 2 second conversation on his show and they're all using it to bash him.
Howard played another show where they were talking about his comments. The reporter said that Howard calls himself ''the shock jock'' but Howard stopped it and said that he has never called himself a shock jock. In the clip they were discussing how Howard was calling Gabourey a fat black chick. They played some audio from his show and said ''shame on him'' for doing that. Robin said they wouldn't even be anchors on the news if they looked like her. Howard said no news anchor on CBS is obese. These two are on CBS. Howard said that CBS, NBC and ABC don't have any obese news anchors. Howard said that they'd get fired if they got fat. He said he's the only one pointing this out.
Howard played more of the audio and they were saying that Gabourey has been cast in more roles. They also said that Howard didn't say that he was worried about her health. Howard said that he was and that's what he talked about that day.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that this stuff has been going on since the day they left for vacation. She said that they were going off on him on The View and he should just say what's on his mind. Howard said he always does that. Mariann said that Whoopi is an asshole. Mariann said that Elisabeth Hasselbeck was going off on him and he should just say what's on his mind. Howard said he just spent an hour and a half on this so that's what he has been doing. He hung up on Mariann after that.
Howard said he wasn't going to play more of these clips because they're all the same. Howard thanked Mariann for liberating him so he can talk about what's on his mind.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Elisabeth Hasselbeck seems to be consumed with him. Howard said he didn't hear her saying anything bad about him. He said Whoopi seems to be interpreting what he says but she's an idiot. Howard said she doesn't know what she's talking about. He said she once said that what Roman Polanski had done wasn't ''rape, rape'' and that doesn't make any sense. Howard said Whoopi doesn't have anything bright to say. He said she's dopey. Howard said Whoopi would be on that Comic Relief thing and she was never funny. He said she'd just stand there.
Howard sent Whoopi a couple of messages. He said that fat actresses in Hollywood don't get leading roles. Howard said when a guy sticks his dick in a 13 year old, that's rape. He said there is no such thing as ''rape, rape'' like Whoopi thinks. Howard said that this isn't about race or about him being mean. He said this is about Hollywood not hiring fat women to be the lead role. Howard said Whoopi should know that because she's not cast in leading roles. Howard said Whoopi has to use her fucking brain for a change.
Gary came in and said that he was opening the mail and found an article by this woman who was all over Howard. She was calling Howard stupid for his comments. The woman was saying that Howard was being phony when he said he was worried about her weight. Howard said that's a bunch of horse shit. Howard said he had weight problems and he was told he was going to die if he didn't get healthy. Howard said that these people say it's bad to make fun of people's looks but they make fun of his looks in the articles.
Gary read more of the article to Howard and Howard said that was the most ridiculous article he had heard. Howard said he knows that Hollywood is based on the way you look. He said that he wasn't even able to enjoy his vacation with all of this stuff coming out.
Howard wondered why people don't get upset about him saying that Rush Limbaugh is a fatso. He said he has called him fat a bunch of times but no one gets outraged. Howard said that he has called Rush the size of a planet but Whoopi didn't come out to defend him. Howard told everyone to grow up. Howard said he has commented on Rush Limbaugh's tail too but no one is defending that.
Howard said people can say he looks like a Pelican all they want. He said that's actually nicer than what he actually looks like. Howard said he took some pictures with Beth the other day and they weren't able to find one good picture with him in it. Howard said he knows he's not a good looking man. He joked that he went out to find a sports modeling job and he wasn't able to find it. Howard said everyone is a hypocrite phony out there. Howard said he can say whatever he wants and they can fire him if they want.
Howard said he hasn't heard one valid argument yet. He got sidetracked and said that this Megyn Kelly is the best looking news anchor he's ever seen. Howard said she's on FOX news. Howard said she's gorgeous. Robin asked why he's bringing her up. Howard said he's bringing her up because she's good looking and she's smart. Howard said Megyn was interviewing this Wiener guy and he loved hearing her talking about that. He said that their slogan should be ''FOX News. News you can whack off to.'' He said she's stunning looking. He said she's bright, articulate and she's got skill. The guys showed some pictures of her and Howard said she's really good looking. Howard said she's very intelligent too.
Howard found out that she's on her second husband and just had a kid back in September. Howard said she's the hottest and smartest news anchor he's seen.
Gary came in and said that Jay is beating Dave but not by a lot. He said that Jay had 4.4 million and Dave had 3.8. He said that Jay isn't doing much better than Conan was doing though. He said that his average is almost as low as Conan. Howard said Dave was beating Conan so that doesn't make sense to him. Jon Hein came in and told Howard it was a specific demographic that Jay was doing really bad in. They spent a minute on that. Howard said it's kind of funny but he wanted Dave to win.
Howard said that he would like to go on Dave's show but Dave would freak out of he brought up the broads he was banging. He said he almost doesn't care about that anymore though. He said that he might be able to talk to Dave about that and maybe they could just get it out of the way.
Howard was laughing that Dave still can't beat Jay. He said that the world is crazy. He said he has a lot to talk about but he has to take a break first.
Howard came back and said that they had to move their vacation to March for Robin to go to Guatemala. That means they don't have a vacation in April or May. He said that's too long. Howard said he wants to go ''dark'' like Gary would say. Gary said they are dark in late May.
Howard said they have a lot to talk about. He said he has stuff in his notes. He said they had a big black out on Long Island. He said they had a nasty turn of the weather when Robin was away. He said there were people without power for days out there. Howard said they have never been in so much trouble out there before. Howard said his sister had a big tree down in front of her house. He said it was a nightmare for so many people out there. He said they didn't have heat without power. He said it was cold too.
Gary said that the person who lost it the longest was Scott. He said that he knew something was up because the guy at the garage was talking about Scott's power. He said that Jason was hoping that it would come back on because he couldn't take the stories anymore. Gary said the guy at the garage would say that Scott came in every day complaining about it.
Scott came in and said he wasn't able to leave the house because they had to bail out the sump pump. He said that they went out and got a generator and had enough to get by. Scott said they didn't have heat though. Howard thanked him for the story but said he was bored already.
Howard said Tuesday morning he was laying in bed and saw his phone blinking. He picked up and it was his mom. He said she sounds like something is wrong even if there isn't. He said that his mom said they were in terrible trouble. He said he thought his father was dead or in the hospital or something. Howard said he asked what was wrong and she said that they haven't had power since Saturday. This was on Tuesday. Howard said they hadn't had any heat since Saturday. He said he asked her if that was her fuckin' problem. Howard said she can't hear so she says ''What?''
Howard said she lives in New York so she could have come to his house. He asked why she didn't call before. He said she told him that they don't like to leave the house. They thought the power would come on but it never did. He said they thought it would come on the next day so they just waited. Robin said they're going to end up causing him so much trouble. Howard said he was going to send them a car and he'd have them stay there. Howard said they didn't want to burden anyone but she said she felt she had to. Howard said that he's her fuckin' son so she had to come there.
Howard said he went to bed after sending a car out there. He said he got a text from the driver saying that they panicked and they drove out there themselves. Howard said he spent all day trying to get a driver so he was pissed. He said that he usually has them picked up because he's not sure they can get out there to his house on their own. He said he was out on Long Island himself so they didn't even have to drive into the city.
Howard said the driver had to go back to Manhattan and then he got a call from his mother saying that they were there at home again and they were freezing. Howard said it turns out they just went to get a cup of coffee before the car came. Howard said he had to get back on the phone with his driver Terry. Howard said he was still close enough to turn around. Howard said he told his mother to sit tight and not move. She kept saying ''What'' because she can't hear. Howard said she won't get a Hearing Aid though. He said that she thinks that it's a ''slippery slope'' if she gets started with that. Howard said she doesn't want to get started with that.
Howard said he got his dad on the phone and he told him that he was out getting coffee. They have to do everything together so that's why they went out together. Howard said that their neighbor told the driver that they had left though. Howard said he was having a heart attack over this. He said that the stress was giving him chest pains. He said that it's not even work that's driving him crazy. It's everything else.
Howard said he felt like he had an elephant sitting on his chest. He said he was upset about the whole Gabourey Sidibe thing. He said he will go on that nitwit Whoopi Goldberg's show and talk about what a nitwit she is. Howard said that he's going to pull her pants off to see what's doing down there. He said that she's a ''snatch head.'' He said he's going to challenge her to a sword fight with whatever it is she has down there. Howard said he might just book himself on that show. He said he'll tell the other dummies to shut up too. He said that Sherry Sheppard thinks the world is flat and Whoopi says ''rape, rape.'' He said she's a ''dumb cunt.''
Howard said because of her, he's in the doctor's office. Howard said he's going to bring a globe with him on the show to show Sherry what everyone learned in second grade. Howard said he wants to make out with Elisabeth on the show too. Robin said she may have a thing for him.
Howard said he knows Elisabeth and she has a body that does not quit. He said that she's build for sexual activities. He said there is no question that there's a vagina in those pants. He said there is no balls on that snatch. Howard said he was sorry for calling Whoopi the C-word but he's a little pissed. Howard said that he's not even sure she's a woman. He said he's not sure that she couldn't ''rape, rape'' Elisabeth.
Howard played a clip of Mike Tyson yelling at a reporter and saying ''I'll fuck you 'till you love me, faggot.'' Howard said he could use that speech when he goes on The View.
Howard said he doesn't want to get into a whole thing with Whoopi. He said that he will use her real name on the show if he goes on though. He said her real name is Karen Johnson.
Howard said that they were saying that a lot of the crazy stuff he did was off the air. Howard said at least when he dies they'll talk about the crazy stuff he did on the air. Howard did an impression of what Ron Lundy would sound like back in the day. He had the echo on his voice and did the impression of the guy. Howard said the guy sounds like he was a nice guy but he'd practice his golf swing in the studio. Howard said he doesn't even have time to take a leak on the air.
Howard read the article he was talking about where Dan Ingram was talking about his crazy days with Ron Lundy. Howard read about what they would do and how much fun they'd have in the studio. Howard said the ''wild'' stuff they were doing didn't sound so wild to him. Howard said he's too busy to do the stuff they were doing.
Howard said that Ross Britten was in the article too. Scott the Engineer worked with him. He said that he was a nice guy but his partner was an asshole.
Howard read more about Lundy and what other people were saying about him. Howard said that most of these guys got into radio because they had big voices. Howard said he remembers him and he liked Ron Lundy. He told him to rest in peace.
Howard said if he had been able to do that top 40 type of show he wouldn't be where he is now. Howard said he got hired at the shittiest radio station on the planet because of how bad he was. He said even Meg Griffin couldn't believe how bad he was. Howard did more of his impressions of Ron and the other guys in the article.
Howard said his mother refused to take her coat off. He said she wanted him to see how cold she was at home. He said she didn't take her coat or hat off even though it was like 90 degrees in his place. He said it was like hell in there but she kept it on.
Howard said he told his mom to take her coat off but she refused. Howard said she told him that he had no idea what they had been through. His father told him that she was wrapped up in the bed with a hat and the coats on. His dad was telling him that they never had heat when he was growing up.
Howard said he asked why they didn't just leave their house. He said his mother told him that they have their routine and they weren't sure if the power was going to come back on. Howard said they ended up calling back home to find out if the power was back on. He said that he found a movie to watch with them and it was ''Me and Orson Wells.'' He had to find something appropriate for them.
Howard said his mother was saying the sound was too low so Beth had to leave after 15 minutes or so. He said that she couldn't take the loudness. His mother told him that the sound level was excellent. Howard said everything was so loud.
Howard said he got to live with his parents again and it was pretty intense. Howard said he does love having them there and helping them out. He said it can be very difficult though. Howard said that at breakfast his father won't get his own coffee or anything. He said his mother still has to serve him.
Howard did an impression of his mother asking his father if he wanted more coffee. He had them yelling at each other since they can't hear. He said that his father won't get his own food so someone has to serve him all the time.
Howard said his parents love telling you about their problems. He said that they were calling their neighbors asking if the power was on. He said the neighbors across the street had power so his father thought there was some kind of conspiracy.
Howard said his voice hurt from yelling while talking to them the whole time. Robin said that she worked with some old people as a nurse and saying good night was always like that. Howard said he told Beth she had to yell but she said she couldn't yell any louder.
Howard said his parents found out the power was back on but it was night. He told them to sleep over another night. They were going to leave around 9 but they were up at 5 packing and getting ready to go home. He said they just had to get out and he didn't understand why they were in such a rush. He said they're just going home to stare at the walls. Howard said his father was wondering how long it was going to take to get home. They were in a big rush but for nothing.
Howard said they got out of there around 9 and they went back home. Howard said they must have something in that house he doesn't know about. Howard said maybe they have a sex dungeon or something.
Howard said that he and his mother were having a nice discussion and his father came in and said that they had to get going. He said that he was worn out from the visit anyway so it was okay that they left when they did. He said he was glad he was able to help out. He said they could have slept at his sister's house and she's like 10 minutes from them.
Howard said that they could have had a generator there at the house. He said that might be another headache for his father though.
Howard said that this show goes on for 5 or 6 hours and he's always surprised about what people pick up on to talk about. He said the Gabourey thing was something that everyone wanted to talk about and no one was. He said now they can talk about it and they love it. Howard said that everyone else is racist and that's why no one will talk about her weight. He said they're the ones who are afraid to do that. He said they're the racists, not him. Howard said he had a lot more to get to but they had to take a break.
Howard came back and said that he wanted to congratulate President Obama on getting the health care program through. He said that it was a miserable that it got through. He said that they had 8 lobbyists per congressman so it wasn't easy. Howard said Rush Limbaugh threatened to leave the country if they passed the bill. He said he can leave now. Robin said he should take Glenn Beck with him.
Howard said this program isn't going to be a bad thing and no one should be scared like they are. He said that it's going to work out. He said that it will end up being a good thing.
Robin said she saw something on Facebook. Howard asked if it was about the Democrats being communists. Robin said that wasn't it. Howard said that someone printed something in the paper about him being against the democrats. He said that it was probably during the Janet Jackson thing when the FCC were going after him. He said that they took that as a new comment and it wasn't.
Howard said that the FCC does nothing but slow down the merger process and things like that. He said that no one even hears about the FCC now that he's off of terrestrial radio. He said that they have no purpose anymore. Howard said they were irrelevant before he came on the scene. Now they're irrelevant again.
Howard said someone picked up this comment about him never voting democrat again but he voted for Obama. Howard said that it was like a 6 year old show that they pulled that comment from.
Howard said Jesse didn't look like the kind of guy who would be with a Sandra Bullock. He said that Jesse allegedly cheated on Sandra with this tattooed chick. He said he feels bad for Sandra. He said that when a woman talks about the husband every minute, watch out, there's a problem in the marriage. Howard said that when you make it all about them then you know there are big problems on the horizon. He said that's what Sandra did with Jesse. Howard said that the girl Jesse was with was the type that you'd expect him to be with.
Robin asked what it was that made Jesse think he could stay with Sandra. Howard said he never understood it. Howard said he would have fucked Sandra if he was single at the time. He said she should have called him when he was single.
Howard said that Jesse had the best of both worlds. He said that the tattooed chick, Michelle ''Bombshell'' McGee, could fuck his brains out and Sandra could bring him to the Academy Awards. Robin said she thought that Jesse had changed. Howard said he's not sure why she moved out. Maybe because they had the kids in that house. Howard said she may have not even had a pre-nup. He said that she might have been too nice.
Howard played audio of Sandra Bullock accepting an award and mentioning Jesse in her speech. She was also thanking the women out there who accept kids in their lives no matter where they come from.
Howard read that this girl that Jesse was with was dressed up in Nazi outfits and stuff in some pictures. Howard said he read that she might be bi-polar too. He said he can't imagine who would dress up in Nazi outfits in this day and age. He said that you can't get work after dressing up like that. He said if she was super hot he might be able to put up with something like that though.
Howard and Robin were talking about how this broad had tattooed her face. Howard asked what the odds are that Sandra will get that done to get Jesse back. Howard said that chick is a stripper and she's barely naked with all of the tattoos. Howard said she's barely white with that much stuff on her.
Howard said he feels bad for Sandra now. Robin said Jason was saying on Facebook that she's going to get a lot of misplaced pity now. Howard said that's not misplaced.
Howard said that chick must know how to fuck. He said she looks a little odd but she must be good in bed to get Jesse. Howard said that he knows a sex bomb when he sees them and he thinks that Tiger's wife Elin would be great. He said that he thinks that he'd be fine even if she didn't move in bed. Howard said she could be half dead and he'd still be hot for her.
Robin said that Tiger must have needed a little more excitement. Howard said he's a shithead and he shouldn't have married if he had all of those urges to be with other women. Howard said he's got that beautiful wife and he'd love a shot at that.
Howard said that Elin is so hot that if she was on life support he wouldn't pull the plug. He said he'd drag her out to award shows in that condition.
Robin said she was reading about Jesse and Sandra and she was busy working on her movie for 11 months while he was cheating on her.
Howard said if he was married to Elin he would tattoo her face. He said Tiger should have been worshiping her. He said if he was married to her he would have sex with her even if she was on life support. He said the nurses would have to scrape her face off every morning. They'd have to scrape that white crust human tattoo off of her.
Howard said Tiger spoke out again and they're letting him be interviewed again. Howard said he got a thing in the mail which is a wind up toy that you wind up and it whacks off. He said they have Tiger Woods condoms too.
Howard got back to Sandra Bullock's speech and played more of that. In the speech Sandra was thanking Helga B for helping her love Jesse James. Howard said Sandra won the Academy Award and then the next week Jesse gives it to her with this cheating thing. Howard said she has to be asking ''why, why, why.'' Howard said that the reason is that she's wild.
Robin said that's not it. She said that when guys who have wives who are more powerful, they have to feel like more of a man and that's what it was with that woman. Howard said Jesse wrecked Sandra. He said she's not part of that world though so it was a mismatch.
Howard played more of the speech where Sandra was crying and talking about this Helga B. Howard kept cutting it off and commenting on it.
Gary told Howard that Jason pulled some of the quotes from Jesse's interview and they should pull some clips for the show tomorrow. Howard told him to get that set up.
Howard played more of the Sandra speech where she was talking about Jesse and how much love she has. She was crying as she did that. Howard said that she was saying that it all led to Jesse. Howard said this poor girl is humiliated.
Robin said that she claims that Jesse was with this girl the night that Sandra was on the MTV Awards alone. That chick also got to meet Jesse's daughter that Sandra was raising with him.
Howard said that he'd love to interview the girl. Gary said they have a lead on her and they may be able to get her on the show. Robin said that the girl, Michelle, is saying that she didn't know that Jesse was married. She thought he was separated. Howard said that she found that out at a tattoo convention.
Howard said Rosie is ready to go back now and she'll do just fine. Howard said he's happy for her. Robin said that she probably needs the money to pay for her divorce. Robin said she probably just misses what she had.
Howard said that radio isn't going to pay her much so it may have been economics. He said that they may have waved the big bucks in front of her. He said that's good for her. Howard said he's not sure how much longer she's contracted to be there though.
Howard said he didn't have health insurance when he started out as a DJ. He said he wasn't a bum either. He said he was trying to build a career and he couldn't afford it.
Howard said that Richard Nixon was going to pass a national health care thing before Watergate broke. He said that he was going to get it passed until that happened. Howard said that Bill Clinton wanted to get it passed too but that didn't work out.
Howard said Obama said he was going to give us change and this is change. Howard said the negativity is the health insurance industry complaining about it. Robin said they want to pass a sugar tax on soft drinks and there are regular people saying this is just another way to get money from them but that's the soft drink companies telling them what to say.
Howard said this is a pretty amazing accomplishment. He said it's historic and that's what they're saying in the news. Robin said that they're just trying to get everyone covered with health care and there's a whole revolution against it.
Howard said if Obama could pull out of Iraq then he'd be ecstatic. Robin said that Robert Pittman was telling her that they can't just pull out right now. Howard said he had to take another break after that.
Howard came back and talked about how he had seen Fleetwood Mac playing in someone's back yard over the summer. He said they were really good. He said that Stevie Nicks used to look really hot back in the day. The song cut off in the middle so Fred said that it was a problem with that file that was in their system.
Howard said he saw a ''Live from Abbey Road'' special on the Sundance channel. He said they asked different artists to sing some Beatles songs and they had people like Seal singing their stuff. Howard said Seal was really good singing a George Harrison song. He said that they had other artists doing songs from the Beatles album Abbey Road. He said it was kind of cool seeing that and hearing George Martin talking about how he helped make the album. Howard said that he was almost acting like he was one of the Beatles though.
Howard played some of Seal's performance of ''Something.'' Howard said that every artist was saying that the songs didn't need to be remade. He said the songs were perfect and they were just putting their own take on them. Howard said that the Counting Crows did a song. He said he thinks it was ''Golden Slumbers.'' He said that Adam Duritz said that they were just putting their own take on a perfect song. He played some of that performance too.
Howard said another guy changed the words for ''Little Darling'' to make it his own. Howard said that this guy Anthony Johnson was very weird looking. It was actually ''Here Comes The Sun.'' Howard played that song and it sounded weird but he liked it. Howard said he dug the whole special. Howard said it was kind of cool. They even had a country band do ''Come Together'' and it was really good. He said they did an acoustic kind of thing and it was really good. He played some of their performance too.
Howard said this Paloma Faith did a good one with ''You Never Give Me Your Money.'' He played some of that song too. Howard said he had never heard of most of these people but they were very talented. Howard said they had one by the name of Melody Gardo. He said she was good too. Howard played her performance and said he liked that too.
Howard said he loves music. Robin said he loves music that he loves. He doesn't love everything.
Sal asked the guys if they would stop drinking to save Haiti. they said they would eat Haitian pussy. They kept chanting that they were fucked up and they wanted to get fucked up. Sal and Richard asked what they thought of that chick from Precious. They were saying they'd fuck anything that moves. They were all chanting together whenever Sal and Richard would ask a question. They would chant ''Fuck Jay Leno'' together after being asked what they thought of him.
Howard said he loves that people are worried about role models and these high school kids are all drunk. They're on a whole other road.
Sal and Richard were asking the guys about a bunch of things. They were all more worried about drinking than anything else. They were being asked if they would suck a cock to get a drink. One guy said if that was the only way he could drink he would do it.
Steve said Robin is getting an award for her work with women and girls. Howard asked Robin how many years she's been putting in to get an award. Robin said she's put many years in. Howard asked if girls and women are a big problem. Robin said they are.
Steve said they spoke to Robin's friend Brendan about their new 15 Foundation charity and how they expect to raise a million dollars this year. Robin laughed and said ''Really?'' when she heard that. Howard asked if he's her boyfriend yet. Robin said he is not. Steve was calling him her ''companion.'' Steve said that he asked him if they were in love and Brendan said he wasn't sure what to say about that.
Steve said that High Pitch Eric got kicked out of Bob Levy's house. Bob was upset about Eric gossiping about his home life. Howard said they have to have the two of them on the show. Howard said Eric wrote a letter to Gary saying he wasn't sure why he was kicked out of the house.
Steve said that John the Stutterer is on tonight at 7 on Howard 101. Greg Fitzsimmons is on at Midnight.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. That led to Howard going off on all of the people who were going off on him about his Gabourey Sidibe comments. He asked Jon not to talk about his comments on the show because they never understand what he's saying. They were also talking about how there are no obese people in most movies that are out now so that's the point Howard was trying to make.
Ralph called in and said that there was a fat chick in Hairspray that was never in anything. Howard said he talked about that for an hour and a half this morning. He said that they're both talented abut they're not getting roles because they're fat. He said it's not his fault, they're just not hiring obese women for lead roles. Ralph said people want to see pretty people. They don't want to see obese people.
Howard dared someone to mention 4 movies that Matt Damon did with a fat leading lady. He said you can't name one. Howard said even in TV shows they have obese guys married to hot women. He said that they're not going to cast a fat woman in a lead role. Howard said he couldn't wait to get back from vacation to straighten everyone out about this stuff. Ralph asked how he could leave radio now. Howard said he almost had a heart attack over this whole thing not being able to talk about it on radio. He said he had to get an EKG done because of this. He said people were ganging up on him and he had to speak out.
Ralph said that Howard is in for another 5 years. Howard said he's not and he's got to get out of there. Howard asked Ralph where his new glasses are. Ralph said he's not making them so he can't yell at him. He said that he has a bunch of new glasses being prepared now. Howard asked why they're taking so long. Ralph said they take a while to make.
Howard said that these people think he cares that they call him a Pelican. He said he doesn't need to get work in Hollywood. Even if he did he'd get cast as a freak. Howard said he doesn't care about this 3D stuff anymore either. He said it's annoying. Everything is coming out in 3D now. Howard said Avatar was kind of fun but he doesn't care about 3D movies. He said he felt he was going blind watching that movie but it turned out he had his sunglasses on.
Howard told Ralph to get him that hat he was looking at. Ralph said he thinks that one was a rabbit hair hat. Howard it wasn't rabbit, it was black. He said he wants that black hat. Howard told him to get him what he needs. Ralph said he had to get going anyway. Howard said he is going to start cracking the whip around there. He told Jon to finish up his Wrap Up Show preview.
Howard ended up talking more about the Gabourey Sidibe thing and then played with his Autotune a little bit. He was saying that Kidd Chris told him that he tried using that to do an interview and the guy hung up on him. Howard tried singing ''Eleanor Rigby'' using the Autotune thing.
Howard came up with some new lyrics for the song and tried to do a parody of the song about Jesse James and Sandra Bullock. He only sang one line though.
Jon mentioned that Robin made it back from Guatemala safely. Howard said he knew she was bored when he read her Tweets from down there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there are no midgets in starring rolls either. Howard said he's right about that. Howard said that Peter Dinklidge was in a movie and he was good but he'll never get a leading role. The caller said that he's surprised that people aren't calling him a hypocrite for saying that the women at the Oscar's shouldn't have gay guys dressing them because Howard has a gay guy dressing him. Howard said he doesn't get why people are going off on hi mat all. He said he's not the one hiring people in movies. He said they should be going after the people who do the hiring. Robin said if they did that they might not get offered any roles themselves. Howard said Robin was on a fact finding mission now and she should stay on it. Jon wrapped up and Howard went to break a short time later.
Robin started her news with some news about Richard Pittman who she had spoken about earlier in the morning. She read some details about his life growing up and that got Howard into his Kennedy impression. Robin brought up how Pittman was legally blind in one eye and he was turned down from getting into some of the military.
Howard said it's interesting that Robin met the guy and now she's reading news about him. Robin said it was fascinating. Howard asked who she's going to profile in tomorrow's news. Robin said she didn't meet anyone else. Robin said this guy was able to push back 30-40 North Vietnamese on his own. Howard said that sounds like his days in Vietnam. Robin said those are lies though and this guy's stories are true.
Robin ended up talking about going to Guatemala again. She was talking about how they have Coke and Pepsi down there and that has led to people losing their teeth even more than they did in the past. She said many of the people down there are toothless.
Robin read some news about the health care bill passing. Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about that. Robin read some more news about the bill and how the Republican's didn't give one vote in favor of it.
Robin read a story about Anna Nicole Smith and how she had been battling with her late husband's family for his billions of dollars. It turns out that her heirs won't receive a penny from that guy's estate. Howard said he doesn't understand that. He said that as despicable as it is that she wasn't in love with him, the law is the law. Robin said that she's not sure she wasn't in love with the guy. She carried his ashes around and talked to them on her TV show.
Robin read about the Pope issuing an apology to the victims of the people who were abused by priests. Robin said he's willing to meet with the victims to talk to them about it. Howard said he also said that it wasn't ''rape, rape.''
Robin said that Google is pulling out of China and it could happen as early as today.
Robin read a story about a 16 year old who was arrested for making an announcement over a Walmart announcement system telling all black people to leave the store.
Howard said he was reading a story about himself in the tabloids over the vacation and they claim that someone heard him talking to someone about how he was still looking to get a job on American Idol. Howard said he hasn't been to this place they were talking about. They said he was at Foxwoods casino drinking beer. Howard said the whole story is fake but he still believes all of the other stories in the paper.
Robin read about how Demi Moore helped stop a suicide attempt over Twitter. She said the kid threatened to kill himself and Demi was one of the people who responded to his Tweet.
Robin read about how Heather Locklear's 12 year old daughter is getting into modeling already. Howard said she was a good looking kid. He said that Elvis Presley's granddaughter is getting into modeling too. He said that makes you feel old when you think about how Elvis's granddaughter is that old.
Robin had some Tiger Woods news. She had some audio of Tiger talking about what he did and why he did it. He said he was the only one to blame in all of this. Howard said that guy is really kooky. He said in one interview he was talking about how he was meditating and praying to Buddha that he wouldn't want pussy. Howard said that's weird.
Robin had Howard play more of the Tiger clip. Howard said that he listened to the whole 5 minutes and he asked Robin what she would ask him as her first question. Robin said she would ask how he could do this. Howard said he would ask if he banged Elin yet. He said that he wants to know if he could get into her pants again.
Howard said he heard that Elin walked out on Tiger again now that some of the text messages have been revealed. They spent a minute on that before getting to more news. Howard said he loves the texts but they never reveal what the girls say back to Tiger. Howard said that he asked one of the girls if she liked to get peed on. Howard said that no one is going to say they're into it. Howard said that no girl likes that. Howard said that he'd never have any written messages if he had a girlfriend. He said that's evidence.
Howard said Jesse James was texting that chick he was with saying he bets that she ''needs it now.'' Howard said that chick doesn't need it. He said she's got swastikas on her and writing on her face. She doesn't need that.
Howard read some of Tiger's texts to Robin. Robin told him to sing them into the Autotune. Howard did that and asked if she liked that. Robin said that compared to some of the rap songs she's heard, that's good. Howard said he might have to give him royalties if he did that.
Howard read some more of the texts that Tiger was sending and how weird they were. He wanted to beat these girls up. Howard said he's such a nerd and he wants to beat these girls up. Howard said it sounds like he wants to take his anger toward his parents out on them.
Howard said he'd love to see the texts Tiger was sending to Elin at the same time. He said he can imagine what that was like. He came up with some lines about what he might say to her. Howard said Tiger is a douche bag. Robin told him he should go to the golf games and yell that stuff out as he's about to hit the ball.
Howard read more of the texts and talked about how creepy they were. Howard read some where Tiger was saying he wanted to make the girl sore and things like that. Howard said he can't wait for someone to write to his daughter's like that. Howard said Tiger is a nut. Howard said that no girl wants to read about how the guy wants to make them sore. He said that's not hot.
Robin read about how there have been 6 suicides at Cornell University. Robin said that they're monitoring the bridges around the school because that's where many of the deaths have occurred.
Robin read a story about how a KKK guy told a court that he couldn't be fair sitting on a jury unless the person was white. Robin asked Howard if he thinks that KKK members should be able to sit on a jury. Howard said if they can be fair then, yes, they should.
Robin read that the Mike Tyson reality show is under investigation. Robin said that they're going to be introducing people to pigeon racing and some people are upset about that. PETA has come out against the show and they're objecting to them racing the pigeons. Howard said he'd rather see Tyson spending time with them than people. He doesn't seem to be able to handle people very well.
Robin said that Sasha Baron Cohen got married on March 15th. Robin read some details about that. Howard said that woman got a good man. Howard said he would have been a good catch for Sandra Bullock.
Robin read about the new movie ''Hot Tub Time Machine'' and had some audio of Chevy Chase talking about that. Chevy talked about how he seems to have forgotten most of the 80s in his own life. Chevy was also talking about the movie causing some real laughs and how you need that in a comedy. Howard said they do have some very funny stuff in the movie and he liked it. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Gary said he was pretty confident that she was going to make it home alive. They also talked about Robin winning a humanitarian award. Jon said that it was for helping out women and girls throughout her whole career. Benjy said he thinks that it was the organization ''Scenarios'' that is giving her the award.
Gary said Robin seems to be in love with this guy Robert Pittman. Gary said he gets why she'd be impressed by the guy but she started her news with a 10 minute story about him.
Gary said that they went to dinner before vacation and Robin brought her friend Brendan there. He said he's not sure what to call the guy at this time so they have no idea what to call him. He said they're not sure if he's a boyfriend or not. Benjy asked if they have any confirmation that they're together at all. Gary said that he's a date but it's not clear if it's anything more than that.
Jon asked Gary what he thought about the Twitter updates that Robin was giving. Jon said that they weren't even sure if it was really her but it turns out it was. Jon said that she was updating quite a bit on there.
Jon said they learned that Robin wants to start rock climbing now. Gary said that it won't cost her anything unless she buys her own rock.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Robin should go from a 34 to a 44 on the Narcissistic chart. He said that she was saying something where she agreed with Howard about people who do things like she does and she was basically patting herself on her own back.
The guys talked about the power loss out on Long Island and how Howard's parents drove Howard nuts. Gary said that going to Howard's house is like going on vacation. He said that a lot of people don't like to leave their homes when their power is out either. He said that might be why his parents wanted to get home.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think that Howard's parents are worried about them being talked about on the air. Gary said he doesn't think that's it at all. He said that they are self sufficient and they don't like to be taken care of.
Jon asked Scott if his power was back on. Scott said it was out for six days and they got it back on Friday. He said that his wife was on the edge of having a nervous breakdown. Scott said he tried to send her away but she didn't want to leave. Scott said that it ended up costing him more to buy a generator than it did to stay in a hotel. Gary said that it will be worth it when it happens again.
Gary said the last time he was out he was out for a few days and it's fun for a day or so but then the fun ends and it's just gross. He said it just sucks.
Scott said he would call PSE&G out in New Jersey kept telling them that the power would be back by 4pm that day. He said that happened day after day. Gary said he thought for sure that it was going to be 5 days.
Scott said that the power went out in his side of the neighborhood. He said that it was probably 30-40 houses that were out. Most of the town had electricity but they were out. The guys were laughing because Scott has this black cloud that follows him around all the time.
Scott said they kept telling them that the power would be back the next day and he wanted to choke someone. Gary said that's what they heard there all week long according to Jon.
Scott said they didn't get this done fast enough. He said he thinks that they held back too long. Gary said they were calling people in from Quebec in Connecticut. He said people would ask if the power was coming back and no one knew English so they had to give thumbs up or thumbs down.
Jon asked Scott how he didn't lose it during this whole thing. Scott said he had to keep telling himself to stay calm. Scott said he had to go down to the basement to bail out the sump hole since the power was out. Scott said he had to do that until he got the generator.
Benjy said he used to fantasize about floods and being able to swim anywhere. Jon and Gary said they never thought about it like he did.
Scott said that he finally gets to vent on this show since Howard kicked him out of the studio this morning. Scott said he just wanted to say fuck PSE&G.
Jon asked Scott what he thought about Robin's trip. Scott said he didn't really care. He said he was busy working so he didn't hear the whole story. He said he's fine with her going out to help people but he can't do that. He said he has to help himself first.
Gary asked Scott if he ever does anything to help someone. Scott said he has in the past but he doesn't do that much now. He said he has donated his DJ services to people when they need it. He said he really doesn't care about other people though. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon said that there really isn't anyone out there who is a leading lady who is obese. He said Howard was right about that. Gary said there were people like Kathy Bates who was good in her part but she was just right for that part she played.
Jon asked why Whoopi set Howard off so much today. Gary said that she was coming down on him pretty hard. He said that he might have more respect for her than he does for Elisabeth Hasselback. Gary said that she fits that role on that show pretty good though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard did say some pretty brutal things about this woman. He said that he constantly goofs on people like her. Gary said that Howard said she's obese and that she's never going to get another role in Hollywood. The caller was a frequent caller who changes his name every time. The guy said he has to do that because they don't pick up on him if he gives his real name.
The guy was yelling about how they were deflecting now and they weren't sticking to what he wanted to bring up. The guy said that they pick up on plenty of people who don't have anything to say.
Gary said he thinks that they got his point. Jon said they really don't care who calls in and they don't ignore him just because of who he is.
Benjy was trying to say something and his voice was shot so Jon asked what happened to him. Benjy said he's not sure. He said his throat got a little sore but he thinks it sounds kind of cool. Benjy said he's fine. Benjy said that most people don't make it in Hollywood so it's not just an obese person. He said that he thinks a massively obese person has a better shot of making it than a plain looking thin person.
Benjy said Howard was saying that this is a sickness that this girl has and he thinks that's much more interesting than getting work.
Gary said that it's become Howard picking on a heavy black woman and they're making it out to be a racist discussion when it's not. Gary said that the worst thing is when people tell you what you're talking about like they know what you were saying.
Jon had Teddy play a clip where Howard talked about the Gabourey thing and how they never have morbidly obese women in leading roles unless it's Eddie Murphy in a fat suit.
Gary said there was a woman who played a midget man in a role that she had and she won an award for that. In her speech she said that the sky was the limit. Gary said Howard said that they'd never see her again. They haven't seen much of her since then so the sky wasn't the limit.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Howard was pretty brutal that day when he said that she could play someone in The Blind Side. He said that Howard didn't have to say she was going to be dead in 3 years either. Gary said that was just an opinion. It doesn't make it true.
Benjy was saying that if a bullimic person was out there talking about how she loves throwing up, then people would get upset about that. Gary said that people who are too thin get the same treatment as fat people do in this kind of situation.
The caller said that Howard said that she could play the whole defensive line on a football team too. Gary didn't remember hearing that. The caller told him to go back and listen and he'll hear it.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that they shouldn't take that guy from Pittsburgh's call again. He said his calls are awful.
The caller went on to said he loves to hear that Scott's week off was horrible. Jon and Gary said that he was actually working last week, he wasn't even off. The caller got a big laugh out of that.
Jon said that Scott would come in every day and complain about the power being out. He said that it just got worse and worse as the week went on.
Jon said that St. Patrick's day is built for Richard. He must love drinking on a day like that. Gary said he doesn't seem interested that much in it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he wants to know what happened to the Wrap Up Show special on Howard TV. Gary said he thinks that they're wrapping that up into The Bonus Show that Jon is doing. The caller said that 11 minutes isn't long enough for that show though and they need more.
Sal and Richard came in so Jon asked them about the parades they go to. Sal and Richard said they have to walk around and find people in bars and stuff. Richard said they have to follow the noises out there when they're looking for that.
Jon asked Richard why he's not into St. Patrick's Day. Richard said he's bummed out from Christmas until about August when he can start doing the Halloween thing. He said that St. Patrick's Day is fun and he has gone out to drink. He said he doesn't look forward to it though. Richard said he hates this time of year. He said that January is the worst. He said he has a hard time getting through that month. Gary said he should ski. Richard said he snow boards but he's not very good.
Sal said that days like St. Patrick's day is the worst for people who love to drink. He said that you have all of these annoying people around you the whole time. He said that you don't want that when you go out drinking.
Jon asked Sal if his wife did anything special for St. Patrick's day since she's Irish. Sal said she made corned beef and cabbage but that was about it. He said that he doesn't like that but he tells her it's great all the time so they don't argue. Sal said he learned that he can't say anything or suggest anything when she's cooking.
Jon asked Richard who cooks in his place. Richard said he's good with the microwave and the George Forman grill. He said his fiancee cooks and she's really good.
Jon asked Sal and Richard what they think about Robin's trip. Richard said he's been down in that area. He said he played in Chili in 1998. He said they had like 5 stopovers on the way back to Florida. Richard said their plane skirted some trees in Costa Rica on the way back and he went in and got some rum to drink for the rest of the trip.
Jon asked Sal if he's ever been close to Guatemala. Sal said that the closest he's been is the South Bronx. He said he thinks that Robin getting the ''real deal'' award is very fitting. Jon said he sounds skeptical about the award. Sal asked Jon if he is too. Jon said she has been helping people for a long time. Sal said that it is good and she deserves the award.
Sal and Richard said they had to cut some of the cheating out of the clips they gave to Howard. The high school kids were chanting that their principal was a homo so they cut that out. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about how bright eyed and bushy tailed he was. Howard said he woke up early and hadn't seen the end of Dancing with the Stars yet so he watched that. He said he thought Pam Anderson did a good job. He said two of the judges did too. Robin said she forgot to watch the show. She was still tired from her trip.
Fred said he watched and thought Pam did a good job too. Howard asked him what he thought about some of the other performers. Fred said he thinks it'll be that Evan guy and Pam in the end. Howard asked if they think he's straight. Fred said he's seen pictures of him with very attractive women but he's not sure. Howard said he knows some guys who are absolutely gay and they have no knowledge of it. He said he feels that guy is very effeminate. Howard said that skater guy is essentially a dancer since he skates.
Howard said he was watching the show and he doesn't have all night to watch. He said he fast forwarded through Buzz Aldrin. He said Buzz is supposed to come on the show. Howard said he just wants to know how much pussy an astronaut gets. Fred said that Buzz is 80 years old. Howard said anyone who goes up to the moon on skimpy technology is very brave. Howard said the guy might be insane. Howard said no normal person would go to Guatemala or the moon. Howard said he really doesn't care about Buzz on Dancing with the Stars though.
Howard said Beth was very taken with that Ochocinco guy. He said she kept saying that about 20 times. He said he was a big fan of the girl from the Pussycat Dolls. Robin said that Ochocinco made a big name for himself outside of football too. Howard said he's a very good looking black man. He said Beth was practically on a date with the guy while they were watching. He said it was like one of those cuckold videos.
Howard was wearing new glasses today so Robin pointed that out and said that she liked the shape on him. Howard said you can't do much with glasses. He said he has been lazy lately with the look so he's been changing some stuff around. Robin said she liked them.
Howard said he has a bunch of new glasses and he'll bring them in to test them out. Howard said the Howard TV fans will get to see all of that.
Howard said when he was a kid he wanted attention and now everyone picks him apart. He said everyone tells him what they think about everything.
Howard said that guy at Apple would be able to come up with something. Fred said they could call it iHair. Benjy said that if you cut your head hair grows back so they're experimenting with that.
Howard said that when you have a big scar the hair grows out of it. Howard said he might go down to his lab tonight to experiment with that. Howard said he'll start cutting people's heads open to see if he can get hair to grow.
Howard said he's happy he has his hair because he'd be really fucked up if he didn't. Howard said he had a picture taken with his dog and he couldn't find a good angle with that face. There was just one good picture with the dog. Howard said that's why it's hard for him to go out and buy new glasses. He said it's a waste of time with his face.
Howard talked more about that Ochocinco guy almost stealing Beth away last night. He said that he's never seen Beth fall for a black guy like that. That led to Fred playing an audio clip from a porn movie where some girls were with a black guy using the N-word. Howard said that's one of those cuckold movies that they've talked about before.
Howard said he was talking about that girl who fucked Jesse James yesterday and how he could fall for that kind of girl if she's good in bed. He said this video shows why that can happen. Howard said he's not into those kind of videos but it shows that guys will be with anyone as long as they're getting laid.
Howard said Erin Andrews wasn't as hot as he thought she was going to be. He said she was hotter in that hotel room peep hole video. Howard said she was dancing around naked looking at herself and that was hot. He said that's what he thought about when he saw her.
Howard said he thinks that Pam is going to have a nip slip on the show eventually. He said he thought she did a good job on the show but he thinks that will happen at some point. Howard said she was sexy when she danced.
Howard said Kate Gosslin was pretty hot for a mom with 8 kids. He said he's not even sure why but he likes watching her. He said that she's not like Pam Anderson or the Pussycat Dolls girl. Howard said you can't watch the show in real time. He said you have to be able to fast forward through the crap. He said he was doing a lot of that with the show last night.
Howard said he just doesn't care about a lot of the people on the show. He didn't care about Buzz or one of the women on the show and he fast forwarded right through that. Howard said Buzz is a nice guy and they've interviewed him on the phone but on this show he's not interested.
Howard said the Bachelor guy is very douchy on the show. He said he had to watch that. He said he was horrible dancing. Howard said he thought he was okay but they were kind of rough on him in the judging.
Howard said that Ochocinco guy could dance. He said Beth picked up on that. Howard said there was a soap opera guy that Beth knew. He said he called him a douche bag and Beth told him that he was actually a nice guy. Howard said he wanted to forward through his segment but Beth had to watch since she knew him.
Howard told Gary to look up some bad stuff that Ochocinco has done so he can tell Beth. Gary said he's doing a reality show where he's going to date 85 women. He's doing that since his number is 85. Howard said he's going to tell Beth he's in to dog fighting. He said that should make her lose interest.
Howard said Brooke Burke did okay as the co-host of the show last night. He said she didn't sound as bad as she did on the other show she hosted. Howard said he was surprised that she did so well. Howard said she wasn't as bad as Kathy Ireland. He said she was on the red carpet at the Oscar's and she was as bad on camera as a person could be. Gary said he didn't even recognize her on the show. Fred said she looks like the country Ireland now.
Howard and Gary talked more about Pam Anderson on the show and how she must have ADD or something. Gary said he tried listening to her show on SIRIUS one time and she never finished a thought.
Howard and the guys also talked about Carmen Electra who was banned from doing the show by the make up company she was working for. Howard said that she has kind of disappeared from the public eye. Howard said it looks like she's with another guy who is just going to use her.
Howard brought up Benjy and how he broke up with that hot chick he was dating. Benjy said he treats girls really well when he's dating them. Benjy said that he really liked that girl and he's not sure he ever wants to be exclusive. He said he would like to be married, he thinks. Howard said he doesn't think he's ever going to find someone as hot as that chick. Gary said he was looking at Benjy with that bald head and how hard it is to believe he had that girl. Robin said that he has those rules too and he's the one who broke up with her.
Benjy put his hat back on. Howard old him that maybe he needs to let it breathe so his hair grows. Benjy said he's tried everything and the hair isn't coming back. He said he has purchased Rogaine but he hasn't tried it yet.
Howard said he was pissed off at the guy who taped Erin Andrews through the peep hole. He said he doesn't like that kind of stuff.
Howard took a call from Cyrus who said that his friends were asking him what's up with his buddy Howard about that Gabourey Sidibe. He said he heard that whole show that day and he didn't think he had said anything wrong. Howard said he thinks that he's getting tagged like he's racist or something and he's really not.
Howard said he ran into a friend of his yesterday and he told him he heard about the shit he was saying. He said he had to straighten him out about that. Howard said he told this guy, BB Winans, what he had actually said and he agreed with him about how they don't hire fat women to be the leads in movies.
Howard said Kirstie Alley is a complete moron. He said that she was jumping in on this whole thing and saying that he was wrong. Howard said she didn't even hear what he said and she has come out before saying that no one was hiring her after she gained weight. Howard said Kirstie weighed in on this and she's an idiot for now knowing what she was commenting on.
Howard read an article about Nell Carter, Shirley Hemphill dying young because of their obesity and complications from that. Howard said Nell tried to lose weight but it was too late. Cyrus said he was up around 313 pounds and he lost weight.
Howard read about the Kirstie Alley comments where she was saying Howard Stern is a fuckhead and he's not the standard of beauty. Howard said she just wanted to weigh in on this whole thing and she didn't hear anything he said. Howard said Jessica Simpson also jumped in on this. Howard said Jessica has gained a few pounds too. Howard said Kirstie was saying Jessica was smart and she's really not. Howard said Jessica isn't smart.
Howard said that he would like to be quoted properly and his words to be stated properly. Cyrus said he took up for him when he told his friends about this whole thing.
Robin asked where Susan Powder came from. Howard said they found her in some video blog on the internet. He said she had this whole career going with her weight loss program and then it dried up. Howard said what she said was true though. She was saying that being overweight isn't fun.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he tuned into Dancing with the Stars to hopefully see some boobage popping out. He was hoping that would happen with Pam Anderson. Howard said he hopes that they got some good money for Pam on that show. He said that they should have asked for at least a million bucks.
Bobo asked if he thinks that Pam's dancing partner is going to get some action. Howard said he doesn't know. He said all of those dancers look gay to him so he's not sure. He said they could be straight but he's really not sure.
Another caller asked about another dancer on the show who has a really hot body. Howard said the chick was really hot but her Russian accent was horrible. Howard said he could probably put up with that accent with her body looking the way it does. The caller said he went and made sweet love to his wife after watching her dance.
Howard said that woman was very attractive. He said the Russian thing is very tough to put up with though. He said they were just born in the wrong place. Robin asked how people lose the accent. Howard said actors can do it. He said he's been trying to get rid of his New York accent. He wanted a career as a regular announcer and he had to get rid of it.
Howard said when he was starting out he heard this guy Al Bernstein and he would work any format on radio. He said the guy has been on W-Lite and he has this delivery that was great. Howard said he wanted to be like that. Howard said he worked at WPAT which was a Muzak station and they didn't even play rock or anything. He would work at those places and in rock stations and anywhere else. Howard said that guy represented to him what he wanted to be.
Howard said the guy had a really smooth delivery and it was like he wasn't even announcing. Howard said he was pleasant and he was very easy to listen to. Howard said he had this way of doing things that was just pleasant.
Howard said he was working at different stations and he never screwed up the call letters or anything. Howard said he was working at both WNEW and WPAT at the same time and he was so good they didn't fire him from either place even though most DJs would get fired for working two jobs like that.
Benjy said the guy was fat and bald. He showed Howard a picture of him and Howard got a laugh out of that. Fred said he looks like Hesch from Goodfellas. Howard said he didn't know what he looked like but he loved the guy's career.
Howard said that guy was so good he got hired at two stations with different formats. Howard said he imagined the guy getting paid a fortune and pulling down a couple hundred grand a year doing a four hour shift. Howard said he probably got his dick sucked working at the Jazz station. He said that's what he imagined going on. He said he was so envious. Howard said he just went around shitting up station after station with that New York accent. He said it just didn't work for him. That's when he started talking crap.
Howard said he was reading in the paper about the state of terrestrial radio. He said that you know things are bad when Imus is getting good ratings. Howard said that the most profitable station in the world is WLTW which plays lite music. Howard said they're down by 20 million but they're still doing the best. Howard said he read that Al Bernstein was shed from the station a few years ago so now he's thinking that he's glad he didn't become like Al. Howard said he might have a few other jobs though so maybe he's doing okay. Howard said he was very smooth though so he can't imagine why they'd fire a guy like that.
Benjy told Howard that Al is working at WHUD in Westchester. Howard said that he can't believe that. He said that no one wants to work in Westchester. Howard said the guy just had to say WPAT and get paid. Howard said radio only has itself to blame for the state it's in now. Howard said the station are advertising even more now and they're making less money. He said they don't have anyone good to listen to out there.
Howard said that Mel would never tolerate losing revenue. Howard said he wouldn't want to be a sales guy working for Mel. Robin said she wouldn't want to be in sales in radio at all at this point.
Howard said he had huge ratings and Mel would humiliate him. He said he did that as practice for yelling at the sales staff. Howard said he used to go visit Mel every day but he had to stop that because Mel would say something to demoralize him.
Robin said Mel told her that she was difficult to work with. She said he did that when he asked her a question to think about.
Howard said Mel once told him he had lost ''the eye of the tiger.'' He said that Mel is a great guy but you don't want to be in a room with him. He said he can be very intense. Howard said he stopped going to meet with him without a bunch of agents to back him up.
Howard said there are too many commercials on radio and they're playing even more these days. Robin said that's what they're doing wrong out there.
Howard said he was reading about how obesity is the number one killer of black women. Howard said that's what he was trying to say when he was talking about this Gabourey Sidibe. Howard said they say you're racist if you say something to someone about their weight like that though. Howard said maybe they should talk about the white woman from Hairspray who can't get a job. Howard said he's not a racial kind of guy who makes a distinction between black and white. He said imbeciles like Kirstie Alley don't get that.
Gary said the girl from Hairspray does have another job in a show called ''Huge'' and it's supposed to be like a mix of Glee and Ugly Betty. Howard said there are roles out there for obese women but it's usually for funny men who dress up in drag.
Howard said guys who have good announcing voices don't always have much to say. They're caught up with the sound of their own voice. Robin said Vin Diesel is like that. He says stuff just to keep saying them and he has nothing to say.
Howard said Gene Sheppard was like that. He would tell stories and he didn't have all that much to say but he would say a lot since his voice was good. Howard did an impression of that guy telling a story and giving way too many details. Howard said no one talks like that. Howard said that Garrison Keilor is like that too. He said they have to get some of that and play it. He said he couldn't last a minute watching or listening to that. Howard said that was one goofy looking motherfucker too. He said radio has some weirdos out there. Howard said they have stars like Rush Limbaugh, Garrison Keilor and other weirdos.
Howard said Fred's impression of Imus isn't good anymore because Imus doesn't even sound like Imus anymore. Howard said he sounds really old now.
Howard read that Imus was supposed to do his ''Kiss me'' show from the Hard Rock in New York City instead of up in Boston. Howard said the guy just sucks. They had to go to break but Howard said that they have Carol Leifer coming in today. He said that she got booted off The Apprentice. He said they have a psychologist standing by after you get booted off. He said that Carol thought they were nuts asking her if she needed therapy after that. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along to the song a little bit. Howard said he didn't need the Autotune for that. He said some people think that his vocal is even better than Eddie Vedder's. He turned on the Autotune and tried that too but it sounded awful. Howard said every song needs Autotune. He said he still thinks his vocal is better. Robin started singing so Howard told her she was ruining his vocal.
Howard said he was watching some of Robin's video blog from Guatemala. He said she was getting ready to go to a pig farm or something in one video. Robin said she was meeting with organizations down there to see how they can help down there. Howard asked who she donates to. Robin said she has given money before. She said she had to pay for that trip down there too.
Howard said they're going to run some of these videos on Howard TV. Robin said she wasn't able to tape herself in a lot of the stuff. At one point Howard said she said she had forgotten her earrings. Robin said she was doing that for comedy. Howard said that was no comedy.
Howard said Robin was in a courtyard in a crappy hotel and she was telling everyone to look at the foliage. Robin said she was taping other people and not taping herself. Robin said she was trying to interact with other people down there.
Howard said Robin was talking about how beautiful it was down there and it really wasn't. He said she was pointing out flowers that they could see on any highway in America. He said in another clip Robin was in Antigua and she was only in her hotel room there. Robin said she went to a school there and the kids were very small for 2nd graders. She said that the kids don't grow because they're so malnourished.
Howard played some of the clips he had from Robin's videos. He said in one clip she was in a hotel that looked like the Bates motel. He said she was walking around trying to discover something and there were annoying birds there. Howard played the clip and Robin was giving a tour of the courtyard and she was speaking very low and describing what was around there. Howard said she's like that guy who was killed by the stingray.
Howard and Fred goofed on Robin a little bit about the way she was doing her thing. Robin said it was like an old monastery there. Howard said it was a mess down there. Robin said that there were some very odd noises coming from unidentified animals. Robin said she had no idea what they were.
Howard said there were clips of Robin speaking in Spanish. He played one of those. Howard said she found a sign that she read in Spanish. Howard said she was exploring nonsense down there.
Howard played another clip where Robin showed her Juicy sandals. Howard said he thought he was about to learn something and she showed her sandals.
Howard said that you can see this on Howard TV eventually. He said he couldn't believe what was going on down there. Howard played some more clips of Robin talking about being stuck in a hotel in Antigua. Howard said Robin turned down a meat dinner one night. Robin said of course she turns down all meat.
Howard played the clip where Robin turned down the meal. Robin was talking about how it was prepared by the Mayan women. Howard said that Robin is probably infested with worms and stuff and she'll have something pop out of her head.
Howard said they had a picture of the meal that was prepared and there was a big brown thing on the plate. Robin said that was a squash that tasted like potato. She said there was some meat too but she didn't eat that.
Howard said the spoon in the video looked like it hadn't been washed in a month. He said the plate was filthy too. Robin said it was gravy on the plate. She said the homes down there were basically just rooms.
Howard asked if they wash the dishes down there. Robin said they do all of that but they don't have anything special. They do everything by hand. Howard told the guys to put the picture of Robin's meal up on his web site right now. He said people have to see what she was eating.
Howard asked Robin if she has been shitting herself since she was down there. Robin said she hasn't had any problems. Howard said he wants to bet that she's going to get something from being down there.
Howard said the Howard TV guys will have this stuff up tomorrow night. Robin was surprised they were able to make a show out of that stuff.
Howard played more of the clip where Robin was talking about the meal. Fred and Howard were saying it looked like a donkey shit in the middle of a hub cap. Howard said that was nice cutlery down there too. Fred said that they brought the spoon home from prison.
Howard said there was shit on the side of the bowl that looked like shit. Howard wouldn't have been able to eat down there. Howard said he would have eaten off the floor before eating off the plates.
There was more audio of Robin talking to the interpreter and he was telling her what the food was. There were pine needles on the floor of the home to make it smell nice. Robin said that they do that to welcome people into their homes.
Howard said he was late this morning because he was busy watching these videos. Howard played more of the audio of this guy telling Robin what was in the food. Robin was saying ''none for me'' at one point.
Howard and Fred were goofing on Robin about the tapes. Howard said he could do a whole show on those tapes. Robin said she thought she was wasting her time with them. Howard said they're a gold mine. He said she wasted her time with the trip but not with the videos. Howard said the squash looked nasty to him. Robin said it tasted like potato. Howard said ''Yeah, and frogs taste like chicken.''
Howard and Fred continued to goof on the tapes and what kind of stuff Robin may have come home with. They were talking about her getting some kind of parasites down there.
Lisa brought up JD's date with Ashley Dupre and asked if it was a success. Howard said he still has to talk about that. He said that he told JD to save that for the air. Lisa said they spoke to a couple of witnesses who saw JD on his date. Howard said he was out that night with Richie Notar who is one of the owners or managers of Nobu. He said that Richie was giving him updates because Richie had people sending him updates.
Howard said JD didn't play it up right when the TMZ cameras got him. Robin said they got Corey Feldman out at a club the other night and he was hiding his face because he was supposed to be in mourning. Howard said that kid still operates and that's good for him.
Howard said the paparazzi were all over JD and he still didn't pull it off. He said he had that bad hair cut and he was mumbling. Howard said they were doing all kinds of stuff for JD at Nobu. They had hot chicks going over to hassle JD. They were telling him that they were big fans. JD came in and said that never happened. He said that the one girl that came over was okay but not a ''hot chick.''
Howard said JD has the worst smile when he poses for pictures. He said that Ashley didn't give him shit like they predicted. JD said he assumed it too.
Robin said that she's a hustler from what people have told them. JD said she's not a hustler. Howard said she was a former whore. Howard said the money for the date came from the movie ''She's Out Of My League.''
Howard asked JD what happened on the date. JD said they had a nice time. He said it was a good time. He said he didn't fly first class out there. He said it was a late booking and he didn't know the whole story. JD said he didn't work out the technicalities of the whole thing. Lisa was laughing at him about all of that.
JD said if he had flown first class he would have blown the budget. He said he did get to stay in the Four Seasons hotel. That was very nice. He said it wasn't a suite though. He said it was just one room.
Howard asked JD about getting ready for his date. JD said he saw her earlier in the day. They hung out a little bit. JD said when she opened the door he wondered how he could be just friends. He said that he picked her up at her house. Howard asked if she had her tits hanging out. JD said yes. Howard asked if he met her boyfriend at her house. JD said he wasn't there.
Howard told JD his outfit was lame. JD thought it was fine. He said he had a nice Polo shirt on. Howard said Ashley's breasts were huge. He said she's got some ass on her too.
Howard asked JD about going to Nobu. Ross had him set up with what to order. Howard said the TMZ guy was doing a good job out there too. He had some audio of the guy interviewing JD but he said JD didn't play it right. The TMZ guy did exactly what they wanted him to but JD didn't tell him to fuck off like they told him to.
Howard said the TMZ guy did a great job and did exactly what they told him to do. Howard said that Harvey Levin even made it the lead story on TMZ that night. Howard played the audio of the guy telling JD what a huge fan he was. JD told the guy to calm down. Howard said that part was good but he should have told him to fuck off and leave him alone. Howard said they were goofing on JD's hair cut and that wasn't cool. Howard said it would have been funny if the TMZ guy had banged Ashley after JD put in all of that time.
Howard told JD what he should have said but JD said that he told them that he'd be back. JD came out of the restaurant and they got him again. Howard said he told JD to use a fork there but they ended up sending him the retarded chopsticks. JD said he asked for a fork but they sent him the chopsticks and brought over the helper thing for the chopsticks.
The TMZ guy was asking JD about how he has time to do this when he's a big TV star. JD told him to shut up. Robin and Howard told JD what he should have said but JD was just laughing. Howard said he noticed that JD didn't open the door for her either. JD said she ran to the car so he didn't have time but he did open the door for her.
Howard played more of the audio of the interviews and the TMZ guy was giving him advice on what to do. JD and Ashley got into the SUV they were riding in. Howard said that JD should have gotten her drunk. JD said they had two carafes of wine. Howard said he needed 5.
JD said that Ryan Phillippe invited them over to his house. Howard said that he shouldn't have done that. He said he heard that JD didn't say anything when they were at Ryan's place. Howard said if he was on a date with Beth he wouldn't bring her to see Ryan.
Howard asked what Ryan's place was like. JD said his place was nice. He said it wasn't a huge mansion or anything but it was nice. He said he had a girl there and she was cute. He said she had very pale, white skin though. JD said that they hung out and talked. He said that they were going to go to a club but Booker was out there so he had said hello to them. Howard said Booker texted him to let him know what was going on. Howard said they had people texting them to give them updates.
Howard said he was over at the Boom Boom Room that night having his own fun time. JD said he saw some of the pictures he sent to Booker. JD said they went to Ryan's place for a short time and Ashley got a little tipsy. He said he was going to try and go in for a kiss at one point but he didn't want to upset her. He said that she had told her about how guys were treating her out there and he didn't want to be that asshole. JD said that he told her she's lucky he's not trying to fuck her. Robin said that was an obvious lie.
Howard said Ryan Philippe is a movie star. He said he's not even a TV star, he's a movie star. He shouldn't have brought Ashley around him. JD said they were there with other people too.
Howard asked if Ryan was too cool for the room. JD said they were just hanging out. JD said that he asked them to come over with a few people and they were listening to some African music there. JD said it was African hip hop or something.
JD said that Jesse Bradford was there. He's another actor. JD said that Breckin Meyer wanted to meet him but he never showed up. Howard said maybe Ryan was just saying that to make him look cool. JD said that Ryan is a good guy and he was just trying to help out.
Fred played some kind of weird music in the background and JD said the African Hip Hop was much hipper than that. Howard and Fred did their impressions of JD talking to Ashley. They goofed on him for a few minutes about his date.
Howard asked how long they hung out there. JD said they were there for maybe an hour. Then Ashley wanted to leave. It was like 12:30 when they left. Howard said that Ryan Philippe knows what to do. He said he knows how to party.
Fred was doing his JD impression saying he needed more ''me time.'' Howard said he's never met anyone with more ''me time'' than JD.
Howard asked JD if Ashley came back to his hotel room. JD said he got clues that there was no way that was going to happen. He said she was already figuring out how she was going to get home. She didn't want the limo guy knowing where she lives. Howard asked who is looking for her. JD said there are people who will follow you around so she didn't want anyone knowing.
Howard asked JD if he tried to do anything gin the limo. JD said she looked so hot but she wasn't doing anything. Howard said he would have asked her to show her tits while he jerked off. JD said that would creep her out. Howard said he knows you can't ask to do that.
JD said he helped her up to her place and that was it. She kissed him on the cheek and shut the door. That was it. JD said he got in the SUV and went back to the Four Seasons. Howard said it would have been funny to hear a bunch of locks locking on her door.
Howard asked JD if he was completely defeated at the hotel. JD said he expected it so he wasn't defeated. Howard asked if he had brushed his teeth. JD said of course he did. Howard asked if he beat off at the hotel. JD said he didn't but Howard said he's lying. JD said he was very nervous being out there.
JD said Ashley asked if he wanted to get breakfast. He said she was welcome to come over but time passed and she texted back that she had fallen asleep. Howard said that JD was probably all excited about it and she fell back asleep. JD said they were texting back and forth and he was trying to flirt with her a little bit. He said he thought he had some kind of in with her. JD said he started flirting with her a bit and said he wanted to kiss her last night. She brought up the ''friend'' word again and she does that whenever he tries to flirt.
Howard asked if she ever came over. JD said she didn't because he had to go to the airport. He said he ended up waiting there for the airplane to leave. JD said that she was going to come over and hang out as long as he didn't hit on her. Howard said that sucks. JD said he just went to the airport because he didn't need the aggravation.
Howard said falling back asleep is the worst. He told JD he's so sorry. Howard said they have to concentrate on someone who doesn't have such a high opinion of themselves. JD said that's not it. He said that he's just not the one for her.
Howard took a call from someone pretending to be Ashley. It was actually Yucko the Clown doing a girl's voice and saying that she didn't like JD's nerdy new hair cut.
Howard took a call from a woman who saw JD at Nobu and she was asking why he doesn't pay attention to her. She was looking for JD to comment on a picture or something.
Howard said he thinks that Ashley has never gotten attention like she's getting with JD. He said maybe the fun has to stop.
Another caller said that JD has to forget this chick because she's just using him. JD said that she's not using him. Howard said she's really not but she's not interested in JD sexually.
Another caller told JD he has no game and that's it. He said maybe she wants him to pursue him some more and he doesn't have the game.
Lisa G left the studio saying she wanted to be prepared out in the hall for when JD leaves. The caller was telling JD that he has to have game to get a chick like that. Howard said that the caller is right. He said that he should have told her the truth about wanting her and that if she didn't want that, then it's fine but he's going to move on. JD said he talks to other girls too so it's not just her.
Howard said he read that Ashley is going to be in Playboy. JD said he knew about that. He said he offered to help pick out the pictures she wanted to use but she turned that down. The caller asked if he asked in a creepy way. JD said anything he says comes out creepy.
Howard took another call from a guy who brought up American Idol but Howard didn't want to go there. He hung up on that guy. Robin asked JD if he's done with Ashley now. JD said he's not going to pursue her anymore. Howard thanked JD for sharing his date with them. He told him ''Way to go...''
Howard said he had to go to break but ended up talking about Celebrity Sober House. Howard said they hit into some formula with that show. He said it's great. Howard said that you know it's crazy when you think that Tom Sizemore is reasonable. He said that Kari Ann Peniche is a vomit on that show. He and Robin spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Howard came back and had Carol Leifer in the studio. Howard said she's got the biggest boobs. He asked if she was embarrassed to be the first person thrown off of Celebrity Apprentice. Carol said ''yes'' to that. Carol said she was a fan of the show and figured she'd be good at it. Carol said she's a producer and she can juggle a bunch of balls at once but then you're on the show and the next thing you know, you're off.
Carol told Howard and Robin about how the first task was running a diner. She said they had to get people to the diner and get high rollers to the place. Howard said he'd have a hard time caring about something like that.
Howard asked Carol if she created the Ellen Degeneres sitcom. Carol said she did that with another guy, Mitch. Now Ellen won't let her on her talk show. Carol said she doesn't understand that at all. She said she was close with Ellen and she helped create the show and she's not sure why but she won't let her on the talk show.
Carol said she has people who ask her how they can help her out all the time but Ellen doesn't want to do that at all. Howard asked if she runs into her much. Carol said she did send her an email a few months ago saying she doesn't get it. Carol said that their relationship was pretty much professional and she's really not sure what this is about.
Howard said Carol is a lesbian but she has been with guys before. Carol said that she was in a threesome with a guy she was dating. She said that she and the woman messed around with each other and she just figured it was interesting at the time. She was still into men though. Robin said that's like Meredith Baxter Birney coming out after all theses years.
Howard said there are people who wake up after many years and just realize that they are gay. Carol said she met this girl and she just thought that she wanted to have sex with this woman when she met her. Howard said Carol was watching the movie ''Bound'' and she was so turned on by Gina Gershon. Carol said it's obvious Howard read her book. Howard said that the movie turned her gay. Carol said that it kind of did. She said she had to have sex with a woman immediately.
Carol said she had this burning desire and it consumed her. She said it was all because of ''Bound.'' She said the sex scenes were very hot in that movie. Howard said he thought Beth was turned on to it watching ''The L Word.'' He said that Beth was consumed with the show and he figured she was going to leave him. He said he told Beth that he's the closets thing to a woman though. He said he has a penis the size of a clitoris.
Carol said that if guys want to get women into something freaky like that, rent ''Bound.'' Carol said she was in a sexual frenzy over it.
Howard said he has spoken to Rosie about her kids and pets. Carol has six rescue dogs. Howard said Robin has a bunch of cats. Robin said the most she's had at once was 7 but they were spread through a bunch of houses.
Howard asked Carol how long it took from the time she watched ''Bound'' until she had gay sex with her partner. Carol said they've been together for 14 years but it was about 2 months from the time she saw the movie until she was with her the first time. Carol said she thought it was going to be a fling and that was it. Howard asked Carol if she likes pussy better than men. Carol said she sees what all the rage is about.
Howard said she is a bit of a flirt so why didn't she turn her charms on Donald Trump. Carol said she did. She said that she did turn her charms on to Donald but it didn't work. Howard asked her what Rod Blagojevich was like. Carol said he was nice but he spends the whole time telling you how innocent he was. Howard said Sharon Osbourne was also on the show. Bill Goldberg was also on the show. carol said he was another Jew on the show. Howard asked Carol about her girlfriend not being Jewish. Carol said that she actually is.
Howard read about some of the other people on the show and when he mentioned Holly Robinson Peet, Carol said that she's like the new Omarosa. Carol told Howard that Holly told her to go outside and get people to come into the diner. Carol said that she did that and they had a line around the block. Then Holly told her to come in after about 5 minutes. Carol said Holly blamed her for not having people in there even though she had been out there getting a line around the block. She said she threw her under the bus.
Carol told Howard that they didn't show Donald saying he didn't want to fire Cyndi Lauper. He said that he fired her even though he knew that she was thrown under the bus. Carol said she couldn't believe she was thrown off the show but they didn't show that he was a fan of the North Shore Animal League and Trump was a fan. Carol asked him if he would make a donation and he said he would give $10,000 to the charity. Carol said she left here with a big chunk of change but they didn't show that.
Howard got back to the Ellen Degeneres story and said that maybe Ellen didn't know she was trying to get on the show. Howard asked if she felt funny asking her why she wasn't having her on. Carol said she didn't because she's known her for like 20 years. Carol said that people tell her that she's very much like Ellen and they wonder why she's not on the show. Carol said she went on Oprah's show to plug her book and it did great for her. She said she gets hate mail though because she's gay. She said it really upsets her and she had never had discrimination like that before. Carol said there aren't that many of them out there so it would be great to be on Ellen's show.
Howard said Carol played the gay angle, the animal angle, the burn in hell angle and all of that. Carol said that this was in the middle of sweeps so she gave her a chance to come out about that. Ellen said that Sinbad is going to be on her show this week. Carol said that Ellen hasn't even responded to her email. She said it's very disappointing to her. She said that Seinfeld was doing stuff for her and all of these other people went out of their way to help her out. She said that Ellen is the one that won't and she's not sure why.
Howard said Carol is basically calling Ellen a scum bag. Carol said that she's not saying that, she's just saying that she's disappointed. Howard said she's being very diplomatic about this then.
Howard asked Carol about her porn addiction. Carol said she likes DirecTV porn and her management agency had a bet going on who was going to have the higher porn bill, her or Dom Irrera. She said that she's usually the one with the bigger bill. Howard asked if she's a masturbation addict. She said that it's a very expensive habit. She said she has to cut it out because it's interfering with her relationship. Carol said she likes interracial porn too. She said she likes to watch black men fucking white women. Howard asked if she's ever been with a black man. Carol said she's done some freaky stuff but never with a black man. She said that a threesome is freaky to her.
Howard asked Carol more about the porn thing and if she has ever watched more than one film a day. Carol said that she'll watch something new because she likes to have something fresh to watch. Carol said she had to stop it because of how much it was interfering with her life. Carol said it's a great boredom killer though.
Howard gave Carol some plugs for her book ''When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win: Reflections on Looking in the Mirror'' and some upcoming gigs. You can find out more at CarolLeifer.com
Gary came in with a selection of porn DVDs for Carol. He read off some of the names and many of them were interracial porn. Carol thanked them for that.
Howard asked Carol about writing for the Academy Awards. Carol said she's done that for about 7 years now. She said that it's a good pay and they work for just a couple of months on it. Carol said that they have some nice gift baskets too. They used to be really nice but they cut back on them after someone put stuff up for sale on eBay.
Howard asked who is in charge of hiring writers. carol said the producers are in charge of that. Carol said she was hired to write presentations, repartee and some of the bits they do. She said she got to write the Sandra Bullock thing. Howard asked what she thought about what happened with her and Jesse James. She said they looked like they were so in love that night. Carol said it was very sad.
Howard asked if she thinks that Sandra will stick with Jesse and get tons of tattoos and swastikas. Carol said she heard that they're on their way to divorce. She said she hopes that they can work things out.
Howard asked how Carol writes and what else she worked on for the show. Carols said they worked on the banter between Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin. She said she got to work at Steve Martin's house and that was great because Steve is her idol. Howard said he's his idol too. Carol talked about what they ate up there at his house and how they sat around for a couple of hours writing. She said it was incredible.
Howard asked Carol if it's tremendous pressure to write for a show like that. Carol said that everyone comes up with something that gets thrown out. She said that they'll talk about what's good and not good and she doesn't get offended.
Howard asked Carol if she thinks about what she wears to Steve Martin's house. She said she dresses professional. Howard asked if she wrote anything that was offensive that Steve might have turned down. Carol couldn't think of anything. Carol said that she sends in jokes via email and they don't really tell you they're not going to work. They just don't use them.
Carol said that they did the monologue for the crew of the show thinking that the jokes wouldn't get out. She said that they still got out. Carol said that they were never told not to use Tiger Woods jokes like some people said.
Carol told Robin and Howard that Alec Baldwin was a very entertaining guy. She said that he wasn't able to come until the last week of preparation.
Howard asked Carol if she had to take a dump at Steve's house, how would she do that. Carol said she didn't think that came up.
Carol told Howard that he has changed her life. She said that he turned her on to TM (Transcendental Meditation). Howard said that Jerry Seinfeld was into it too. Robin asked why he didn't turn her on to that. Carol went out with him and he never brought it up. Howard said he bets that Jerry never did oral on her. Carol changed subjects and said that TM has changed her life. She said they both do TM together.
Carol asked if they could talk about getting together over the summer. Howard said that was fine and that's when he turned her onto TM. Carol said Beth had started doing it so that inspired her to give it a try.
Howard gave Carol some more plugs for her book and the comedy gigs she's got. Carol said they had to plug Celebrity Apprentice too because they flew her out there. She said that's on Sunday nights on NBC.
Howard asked Carol if it was weird being judged by Donald Trump's kids. Carol said it was a little weird. She said that when you fund raise it's hard to do. She said that it was fine. Howard said you must want to turn to the kids and tell them to just shut the fuck up. Howard said that she must have felt like that. Carol said you have to put up with a lot of shit when you're trying to raise money.
Howard asked Carol if she's getting crap from people about being thrown off the show. Carol said she's actually gotten a lot of support since she was thrown under the bus.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if maybe Ellen is afraid to have a comedienne on the show. Ellen said that they have a lot in common and they could talk about a lot of shit. The caller said that she might come across as a better one than her. Howard said he doesn't buy that. He said you don't know what her reasoning is.
Howard took another call from a guy who said Carol got screwed on Celebrity Apprentice. Howard asked who she thinks should have gotten thrown off. Carol said that Cyndi probably should have been thrown off because she was the project manager. Carol said they didn't show Trump saying it but he said that he didn't want to get rid of a big name like that from the show.
Carol said that they asked her if she wanted to have breakfast with the producers of the show. She said that she wanted to go and most people don't because they get mad at the producers. Carol said she went and they told her that they have a psychiatrist that will counsel you if you want it. Carol said that she was fired from a fake show so she didn't need therapy for that. Howard said she should have done it just to get them to pay for the therapy.
Another caller said that Howard and Carol are very smooth doing this interview and they're really good together. The caller also pointed out that Ellen has a big gobbler on her neck on American Idol. Carol said she doesn't watch the show so she didn't know that. Howard said that Karma is kicking Ellen in the ass.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Donald Trump got all of his money from his father and he shouldn't be judging people.
Another caller asked if Frank Sinatra ever came on to Carol. Carol said she did open up for Sinatra. Carol said that having big tits is a big advantage in life. She said her girlfriend has big boobs too but she had a breast reduction. Howard said the girlfriend must spend a lot of time on them. Carol said she does. Howard asked if it goes on for hours. Carol said they have a good sex life. Howard said many women say that men spend too much time on them. Carol said that women know how to touch a woman's breasts so they can go for hours.
Howard asked Carol more about working with Sinatra. Carol told some behind the scenes stories and how she had seen Frank in his underwear one night. She said that he'd also tell the audience that she was a ''funny broad'' when he'd come on stage.
Howard asked Carol if she ever did David Letterman. She said they hung out but she never did him. She said he was very supportive of her career. She said she was on his NBC show like 25 times.
Howard started to wrap up with Carol and said he's glad she's liking the TM thing. Carol said it really has changed her life. Howard said that he and Carol have a great relationship off the air. Carol said he's great to hang out with and he's so entertaining off the air. Howard said he feels like he's working when he does that. Howard said he wants to be witty when he's hanging out with her. He said he was exhausted from hanging out with her. Howard said he doesn't like silence so he feels he has to talk all the time. He feels like he's doing the show at home. He jokingly said he wheeled out the Sybian at one point.
Howard gave Carol some more plugs and Carol threw in another one for a restaurant she's an investor in called the Veggie Grill. She told Robin she'd like it because it's all veggies. Howard told Carol about Robin's trip to Guatemala and the food Robin was eating down there. The Howard TV guys showed her some pictures. They goofed on that for a minute.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Holly Robinson Peet was really a bitch on that Celebrity Apprentice. They spent a little bit of time talking about that show before Howard wrapped up and went to break.
During the break Howard was talking about how Carol Leifer had asked for a bag for the porn they gave her. Howard said he told her that she had to walk out of there with it in the open. Gary was also telling her that they get a ton of free porn there and they could send it to her when she runs out. Howard said he told Gary that he has to just send it to her so she can tell them it's disgusting and pretend she's not into it.
Howard said Gary was announcing to everyone that all Carol had to do was drop him a line if she wanted more porn. Howard said that Gary doesn't get it and he just has to send her stuff without her asking for it. He said he never got it when he asked him to get all of the hot chick phone numbers when he was dating. Gary said he never got that message directly from Howard so he didn't know he really wanted the numbers. Howard goofed on Gary for a couple of minutes about that before finishing up his live commercial.
Howard came back and talked about how he thinks that Fergie, in the Black Eyed Peas, would be great in bed. He said that she used to be a meth addict and he figures that the rest of the band has broken her in. He said that he's not sure if the husband really cheated on her but if he did, he's an asshole. Howard said he would never cheat on someone like that.
Howard and Robin ended up talking about Jesse James and Sandra Bullock's recent break up. Howard said he was listening to some clips of Jesse from when he was on the show (May 2009) and they're kind of funny. Howard said when you cheat like that you don't think about what you're doing. He said the guy is really into tattoo chicks though. That's really hard core stuff. Howard said even if he was into white power he'd be scared of the chicks who are into white power.
Howard played some clips of Jesse James when he was on the show. Howard said he heard that Jesse might be into that white power nonsense too and he seemed like a nice guy. Robin said that someone said they found him in a Nazi hat or something in a picture.
Howard played a clip where Jesse talked about his finances with Sandra and how they keep that worked out. Jesse said Howard is like the Jewish stereotype worrying about the money thing. Howard said he didn't pick up on that the day he was on.
Howard said that it's hard core to put a swastika on yourself. He said that's what the chick did that Jesse cheated with. Howard said he'd be afraid of that chick. He said that tattoo says that you're never going to apply for a legitimate job again.
Howard said he knows white power guys who won't even hire people with white power written on their body in a tattoo. Howard said that chick looks like she's not even white with the amount of tattoos she has on her.
Howard said on the back of his knees he has ''I Admire Black People'' tattooed on. He said that it should say ''Zero Power.''
Steve was also saying that they have a story about Bubba the Love Sponge taking a hit from Mick Foley on Monday night and having blood on his face. Steve said they also have some details about Awesome King leaving TNA wrestling after a controversy with Bubba. Howard said he didn't know Bubba was that into the whole wrestling thing. Steve said he's terrific with it but then said he hasn't seen the show.
Steve said that Bob Levy has spoken to them about throwing High Pitch Eric out of his house. Steve said they lasted an incredible 3 months with Eric in his house.
Howard said that they pranked Bob on the Miserable Men show and had Bob read this fake commercial for Smegma. Bob didn't even know what he was reading. Howard played the clip of Bob reading the commercial as if it were a real commercial. Howard got a laugh out of that. He said he loves that Bob has no clue what he's reading.
Howard read the email they got from High Pitch Eric about Bob throwing him out of the house. Eric said he didn't do what Bob said he did. Eric said he was scared of Bob and he would never do anything like what Bob said he would. He said he didn't do anything wrong. He said he just repeated something Bob had written on Facebook and got thrown out. Eric was claiming he didn't know what he did and he wanted Gary to tell Bob that he was sorry for whatever it was he did.
Robin asked why he would want to go back to the house if he feared Bob. Howard said it didn't sound like he was that afraid.
Steve said Benjy has been doing an online radio show and set up a web cam to tape him sleeping. Howard said he had the wrong date up for his birthday too. Steve said that he's off by about 6 months with that birthday. Benjy said he just put that on there for his Facebook birthday. Gary said he just keeps switching it. Howard said he even sent Benjy a note about his birthday thinking it really was that day. Gary said he had it as January 1st and then changed it to March 20th.
Howard saw Ross in Gary's office so he talked to him about going to the Boom Boom Room. Ross said Howard almost got into a fight that night. Howard forgot about that. He said he was really drunk that night and he went to the bathroom. This guy said to him something about having a face for radio and he told the guy to come over to him so he could punch him in the head.
Gary said that he had another weird story about Benjy. They have to send stuff to his apartment but they can't use his name. They have to use some weird acronym. Gary said that Benjy was having issues getting into the building too and he doesn't have his pass with him every day. He said that it's always a problem. Then one day it got deactivated and no one there did that. Howard said he heard about that and he wanted to know why he has problems. Benjy said it was just one morning.
Ronnie came in and said that he just heard about one morning. He caused a whole ruckus down there one morning. Then Ronnie said that he did lose his card and it was more than one morning. Ronnie said they're not supposed to let him in if he doesn't have a card. Howard told Benjy to just bring his card. Ronnie said the guy doesn't know Benjy they way they do so they were ready to kick him out of the building.
Steve said that Benjy's real birthday is September 4, 1967 according to a voter registration card he filled out decades ago. Howard said he didn't care anymore.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. He ran through his list of stuff for the show and then Howard did a quick live commercial... or two.
Robin read a story about Howard Stern ripping into Gabourey Sidibe about her weight. Robin read some of the article since Howard hadn't read that one yet. The woman who wrote the article hadn't even heard the show. She was going off of another article that was written about it. Howard said he has explained this a bunch of times and he's not going to do it anymore. Robin continued to read the article anyway. Howard said this woman thinks he's bashing her and he's really not. He was just commenting on how she's not going to get leading roles being the size she is and that's not his fault.
Robin read some news about Sandra Bullock and Jesse James break up. Robin had some details about Sandra being upset and angry over the revelation that Jesse had cheated on her. Howard said that was an odd match up and she needs someone more like him. Robin read that the chick that Jesse cheated with has made a porn movie based on the situation.
Robin said that Sandra is canceling appearances at some of the premieres of ''The Blind Side.'' Howard said she should just get out there and go and not cancel. He said she didn't do anything wrong. Robin said she thinks she's doing the right thing staying home. She's trying to avoid the questions and pity. Robin said that Sandy was having a great year and her jackass husband had to go out and screw it up.
Howard said he read that Google is building a 1 gigabit internet network. Howard said people are doing all kinds of crazy things trying to lure Google to their town. Howard said they want to service 50,000-500,000 people with the service. Howard said that would be great and he could stream his porn really fast with something like that. Howard wondered if anyone would get fucked in the ass by Lexington Steel to get it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the girl who Jesse cheated with says that the ''WP'' on the back of her knees stands for ''wet pussy'' and not ''white power.'' Howard said Sandra should be able to move back in now and forgive Jesse. Howard said in related news the Swastika she has tattooed on her is actually a map.
Robin read a story about how Michael Jackson's doctor may have delayed calling 9-1-1 while he gathered up prescription bottles to hide them. Robin said that two of Michael's kids walked into the room when this was all going on too. Howard said they always hide death from kids. Robin said that you might not want them to see people pounding on your chest and trying to revive someone. Howard said he wants his kids to see that.
Robin said they never went over the autopsy results for Michael Jackson. She said they say that his hair is sparse and connected to a wig. He also had tattooed on black eye liner. Robin said he also had a pink tattoo near his lips. Robin said he had puncture wounds on his neck, arms and legs. Howard did another live commercial around that time. Robin read some other details about Michael's skin condition and how he was suffering from many problems when he died. Robin said he had lung problems and many drugs in his system. Robin said he was also just 5'9'' tall according to the autopsy. Howard said he thought he was taller than that. He was also only 136 pounds at the time of his death.
Robin read a story about a gay teen who wasn't going to be allowed to bring her girlfriend to the prom got to bring it to court. Robin said that they canceled the whole prom based on that.
Robin read a story about a guy who set a world record for texting on a touch screen device. He was able to send a complicated sentence in just over 35 seconds. Robin said the feat is featured in a Samsung commercial. Another person has had problems with her hands because of the amount of texting she does. She's lost the feelings in her hands from texting so much. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about some vegetarians are getting into trouble fighting with people who eat meat.
Robin read a story about Sarah Palin helping out John McCain who is trying to get back into the Senate. Robin said that he has two people running against him and Palin is helping him on the campaign trail. Howard said she's not helping him. He's not sure why McCain would have her out there.
Robin read a story about how Binyamin Netanyahu, the Israeli prime minister, isn't going along with what President Obama is suggesting for Jews building homes in Jerusalem. Howard said no one wants them to build homes anywhere and that's been the case since World War II. Howard said there's no place to put the Jews and no one wants them around. He said that the land is desert and there was nothing there before. Howard said even if they moved to the moon the Arabs would still want to kill them. Howard said the Arabs didn't want that land until the Jews moved there. Howard said there will never be peace over there.
Robin read a story about a pilot who was saying that he has had fantasies about crashing the planes he's been flying. He claims that he had to hold his own hand back from crashing before and they're still letting him fly. Howard asked why they would let the guy fly like that.
Robin read a story about cheating and how men are bothered by sexual infidelity and women are bothered more by emotional infidelity. Robin read some details of this study that was done and how men and women are upset about different things when they cheat. Robin wondered if Jesse was emotionally involved or was it just a fling. Howard said that's a whole different thing in that story. Howard said Sandra has to be humiliated by that whole thing.
Robin asked if sex addiction is real. Howard said he thinks it is. He said that there are guys out there who think they need to have sex with multiple women every day and that's not normal. Howard said that it's a people addiction and they have to have someone with them all the time and that's the addiction.
Robin said that women have a hard time believing there is such a thing. She said that women aren't sure what people like Tiger Woods are being treated for when they go to rehab. Howard said Tiger's thing was like a fever. He was beyond sex. He wanted these women to love him and not be with other people. Robin said that many of these men they did the study on have an unusually high sex drive. Howard said that you can't possibly be that horny. Howard said Tiger would stay up all night fucking and it's almost like he was looking for an umbilical cord back to his mother.
Robin read a story about how they're thinking of making condoms mandatory in porn films in California. Howard said that he doesn't like those movies when they wear condoms. He said he prefers to see them without. He said you barely even see nay of the rubber and it still bothers him. Robin said he even wears one. Howard said he thinks that he could adapt but he does prefer them without. He said there may be enough rubberless movies out there to get by though.
Robin read that Nadya Sulemon, Octomom, is having some troubles with her house. They're looking to foreclose on it. There's a porn company that wants to help her out but she has to agree to do an adult film. Howard said he wouldn't want to see her in a porn film for any reason. He said she's not his type at all. Howard said that there's nothing like seeing a woman with 14 kids at home doing porn.
Ralph called in and said that when you watch porn you want to see nasty and dirty. He said that it's not hot when a guy is wearing a rubber. Howard said he agrees with that and it was a good explanation.
Robin read a story about this kid who had died a few days after meeting with an ex-girlfriend. The kid jumped from his apartment building and killed himself. The ex says she wasn't even in town the night his friends claim she was. The kid was allegedly thinking he may have been poisoned by her.
Robin read about Bindy Irwin has a new movie coming out. She's the daughter of the late Steve Irwin. Robin had some audio of the kid talking about the movie. Howard wondered when she's going to be able to live her own life. He said she shouldn't be working with animals since her father died messing around with them. Howard said if he were her, he's start a movement to kill all Stingrays. He said he'd be Bindy the Stingray killer.
Robin had some audio of Kara Dioguardi talking about American Idol. She had some audio of Randy Jackson talking about that as well. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:55am.
Jon asked Robin about her trip to Guatemala. Robin said she wanted to make the video blog thing silly and entertaining and she thought it would be a kind of staged thing. She said that's why she brought up the ear rings and sandals in the video.
Jon asked if Robin was happy with the way the trip went. Robin said she was. She said that they were going down there to see the conditions of what it was like down there and she was just tagging along.
Gary asked Robin if she really paid her own way. Robin said of course she did. She said it was a charitable thing and she wasn't going to ask them to pay for the trip. Robin said she's not even officially part of the organization. She said she's just observing what they're doing.
Gary said that Robin was on a fact finding mission. Robin said it was exactly that. She said she didn't know what to expect when she got there. Robin said they have a lot of programs down there and she wanted to see what kind of conditions they had.
Robin said the cows down there were some of the saddest looking cows she's seen. She said she was glad she isn't a meat eater. Robin said everything down there was a surprise. She said they were there from Monday to Sunday and they were told that they would be having a meal. She said she wasn't sure if she was going to be able to eat anything down there.
Robin talked about the fast food restaurants they had down there that are U.S. based restaurants. She said she's not sure where they get their meats from down there.
Jon asked Robin if this trip inspired her to do this new charity she's involved with. Robin said she has always been involved with charities and this wasn't the first thing. Robin said the foundation is having their kick off event this Thursday down in Miami. She said they're going to try and get some games back for the boys and girls club down there. They lost a lot of their stuff in a flash flood.
Gary said that the boys and girls club in his town is a big thing. He said they're awesome and they're all over the country.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Robin that he has a great deal of respect for what she does. He said she seems like a great person and thanked her for doing that for other people. Robin said that the people who are down there doing the work are the people they should thank. She said that there are women down there who are midwives who think they heard from God that they should do the work and then they have to ask their husbands if it's okay. She found it odd that they have to ask their husbands after God gives them the okay.
Another caller said he was listening to some old shows and Robin was in a Big Sister program. He asked if she stays in touch with the girl she was a big sister to. Robin said that they do stay in touch and she has kids of her own and the kids call her ''Grandma'' so please don't tell anyone that. The caller said that Robin is a GILF then.
Jon asked Robin how she reacted to being called Grandma. Robin said ''Ugh...'' she said he never signed up for that. She doesn't even like it when her nephew calls her ''aunt.''
The caller asked Robin what kind of shots she had to get going down there. Robin said they didn't recommend anything but they do worry about Malaria down there. She said that she doused herself in bug spray for a few days but no one was getting bitten so she stopped after that.
Ralph called in and said that Robin knows he loves her. He asked her why she's involved with the boys and girls club of South Beach. Robin said there is a lot of poverty down there and people don't even realize it. Robin said they serve the immigrant families down there and you don't think about those people down there. Robin said they service the kids down there with this one facility and they'd be latch key kids if they didn't have this club to go to. Robin said it only costs $50 per kid for the whole school year to go there. She said that it's a great thing.
Gary said he has to agree with Robin about that because there are bad areas in every neighborhood. He said he's seen things like that in many neighborhoods. Ralph said that he's in full support of this now and they should put a pool in there too.
JD said he was just trying to be him and he wasn't trying to get lucky. Gary asked JD if he makes the first move or do the girls have to drop a house on his head. JD said he can make moves. Jon asked what they are. JD said that's kind of personal.
Robin wanted to know what kind of lines he uses on them. JD said ''F- everybody.'' Jon asked if they got to hang out at all. JD said that he may have over read some of the signs and he thought that she might be interested at times. JD said that any time he did anything flirty she brought it right back to the friend thing.
Robin asked if you just back off or what. Gary said you pour more alcohol. JD said that's not what he wants to do. They told JD that bringing her to Ryan Phillippe's house was the worst move. Gary said Ryan is coming in soon so they'll have to get his side of the story.
Robin told JD that he should have kept it as personal as possible instead of going to Ryan's house. She said that he should have just hung out at the Four Seasons. JD said that they're all Monday Morning Quarterbacks about this so he's not sure what to think.
Jon asked JD if he was worried about creeping her out the whole time he was with her. JD said he's always worried about that. JD said they talked about ''whatever'' and there wasn't many awkward pauses. She did a lot of Twittering though. He said that they had some fun with that actually.
Jon asked JD if he thought he had something when she texted him the next morning. JD said he had dropped her off the night before and she was kind of drunk. He said she was seeing double but she wasn't black out drunk.
JD said that after Ashley told him about the other guys who were trying to fuck her after helping her out with her career, he didn't want to be one of those guys. Jon said he wanted to screw her though. Gary said he thinks that JD would like to be her boyfriend. JD said if things happened then sure.
Gary asked Robin if she's ever had a guy wear her down. Robin said that hasn't happened. JD said that's what he's working with. He said Ashley doesn't want him and he can't just rape her or anything. Jon and Gary said no one was suggesting anything like that.
Robin said Benjy is able to make this happen. She said that the women don't know how to say no to someone and they don't know how to tell Benjy to go away so they fall for him.
Gary brought up Stuttering John and Karen from the channel 9 show days. John wore her down after about a year. JD said he could keep trying with Ashley but he can only contact her so much. Gary asked how much she reaches out to him. JD said that he doesn't get much. He said it's usually him for the most part. He said he's very realistic and he knows that anything happening would be a miracle. He said he was done talking after that. He wasn't able to make a point.
Jon said that JD isn't able to get a lot of these girls he tries to get. JD said he has been able to get some girls. He said that they're not all like this.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he had to talk to JD. He asked JD where his dignity is. The caller said that he can't keep going back to these girls that he has no chance with. JD said that if it weren't for the promotion he doesn't think that he would have gone out with her again. The caller said that it's painful to hear this whole thing. He said that he wouldn't have had a chance even if he didn't go to Ryan's house. The guy told him to go to somewhere else that he would have a chance. JD said he did this because of the promotion they were doing.
The caller told him to go to a library or an internet cafe or something. JD said he is talking to other girls so this isn't his only option. The caller said that everyone wants to hear that he's getting laid. JD said maybe he doesn't want people knowing that information. JD said he has been seeing some girls in the past couple of months. He said he hasn't had sex but he has had some physical contact. He said he hasn't had actual sex this year though. JD said he got a blow job last July. He said actual sex was maybe a year ago or so.
Another caller asked JD if Ashley really told him to come over as long as he didn't hit on her. JD said that did happen. They were actually talking on the phone when she told him that they were just friends. JD said she didn't show up for breakfast after falling asleep too. That's what Howard felt the worst about for JD.
Ralph called in and said that she's a bitch and JD should just dump her and move on. JD said she's not a bitch. Ralph said he told her that he should have been doing something that he'd get something out of it. He said that he was in coach and he didn't even get to fly first class. JD said he wasn't able to do that because they would have gone over budget. He said they may have even been sold out, he's not sure.
Ralph said he could have rented a yacht or something and thrown a party instead of doing what he did. Robin said that JD did have to have someone out of his league. Ralph said she's not out of his league, she's just a bitch.
JD said he did think about doing a beer pong thing. Robin said that's not a date. Ralph said he offered his services and he turned him down. JD told him to shut up. Ralph said he would have rather have seen him do something fun for himself. He could have taken the girl out on a yacht or something. Jon said maybe JD doesn't like doing that. Ralph said he's never done it so how would he know. JD told Jon to hang up on him.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Robin was saying that JD had to have someone out of his league but this girl used to be a prostitute. Robin said that's what she was saying. She said that guys treated her like an object in the past and JD wasn't doing it the right way. She said that JD has a lot to offer and he wasn't treating her the right way by thinking that he shouldn't be on a date with someone like that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon brought up how Howard mentioned that he wanted Gary to get hot chick phone numbers for him. Gary said that Howard makes everyone feel good when they leave the show and he didn't always see the connection. One time there was a hot chick on the show and he wanted her number and he didn't realize that. Gary said he doesn't think Howard really wants to be that guy who gets phone numbers for guests. Gary said that the one time he would have asked for a number he knows Howard would tell him he didn't want it.
Jon asked Robin if she ever made that move. Robin said she never did. She said that's crazy. Robin asked if Gary ever did it. Gary said that he did but not with celebrities. He said that a lot of Nutri-System girls saw the inside of his apartment. Gary said that he remembers Jennifer Aniston coming in and not being that attracted to her. He said that she was cute but she's in much better shape now.
Jon brought up how Carol was having some issues with Ellen. He said that she's unable to get on her show so he wondered if she would be pissed off at her. Robin asked Gary what the best thing to do is. Gary said that you have to be diplomatic. He said they have to turn people down all the time. Gary said that they have people call and call and he asked for some advice on what to do. Gary said that this producer told him that he should tell the people the truth.
Robin said that she knows people who are on the ''no'' list and get back on the ''yes'' list eventually. Gary said there have been people like that before and they can't just shut the door and say no forever. He said that they've had people they have to hold off on for a long time and they hope that they become hot again.
Gary said that Linda Blair was one that he wanted to get on the show and they got her to play a game against Corey Feldman. He said he worked hard to get that done. Gary said that people will tell Howard that it's him keeping them off the air. Howard is actually involved though and he knows when people are being kept off the show.
Jon took a call from Wheels who asked Robin if she saw any dicks down in Guatemala. Robin said she didn't see anything. Wheels also asked Robin what she thinks about Howard's look with the scarf and the new glasses. Robin said she thinks that people have to change their look once in a while and it's a good thing.
Jon asked Robin if Howard has gone through this kind of thing before. Robin said Howard used to come in dressed in painter's pants and a plaid shirt. Then he went out with Mr. Pontay and tried to do something. Now Ralph works with him. Robin said Dee Snider's wife used to help too. She said that you create a look and sometimes you have to update that look. She said his new glasses looked good today.
Jon said that Carol said that Robin would be the ideal lesbian if they could convert her. Robin said that she must be the ''gay get.'' Jon asked if it's a vibe she puts off or something. Robin said that people have said that about her for years that she is a lesbian. She thinks that they'd love it if it turned out to be true.
Gary said they asked Robin about that on the air once about not having sex for a really long time. Robin said she had a lot of issues going on at the time. Gary said they all thought not getting laid was her problem.
Jon said that Howard's praise of Al Bernstein was kind of odd. Gary said that was weird and he expected another name to come up during that discussion. Jon said that was new to all of them.
Jon took a call from a guy who congratulated Robin on her trip to Guatemala. He had called in yesterday and said that Robin was congratulating herself about how great she is for doing what she does.
Jon had Robin talk about her charity event that's happening on Thursday. Robin said that it's a free event and everyone is welcome to come in and say hi to her. She said she'd love to meet everyone. You can find out more at 15Foundation.org.
Jon took one more call and the caller asked what was scariest for her down in Guatemala. Robin said that there wasn't anything that scary down there. She said that they never spent any time on the streets of Guatemala City which is apparently the scariest at night. She said that they also had to make sure they were off the roads by dark because a lot of crime apparently happens down there. Robin also talked about Steve Langford calling her down there and how odd it is to get a call from him. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about all of the carrying on going on about Vice President Joe Biden dropping the F-bomb. Howard said he's always surprised when people get worked up. He said we all curse so he's not sure what the big deal is. Howard said the FCC used to get on him about talking about penis and they're just words. He said they're not degrading the society or anything. He said Biden was just saying that it was a ''big fuckin deal'' and he got caught on tape.
Howard said there are tapes of President Nixon talking about the Jews and cursing during those and that's just the way people speak. Robin said they're making a big to-do about nothing.
Howard said Captain Janks wrote a letter to the FCC complaining about the cursing. He said that if they fine CBS for Janet Jackson's boob then he's going to complain about Biden cursing.
Janks was on the phone so Howard asked him about what he did. Janks said he wrote in to ask the FCC why they don't fine them over something like this. He said he has never heard Howard curse and he got fined. Howard said he got fined for saying that a guy was playing the piano with his penis. Howard said that made no sense at all. Howard said that started the ball rolling though. He said that drove them nuts for some reason.
Howard said that the whole idea that someone was playing the piano with his penis drove the FCC crazy and they didn't even have cameras in there to show it so it could have been theater of the mind.
Howard said Captain Janks isn't a kid anymore. He said he's a grown man. Robin said she shouldn't even be a captain anymore. Howard said maybe he's General Janks.
Howard said Bubba really went down so he looked like he was really surprised. Howard played the video for Robin so she could see it. Fred said he thinks that Mick was doing the routine and Bubba may have walked into it. He said Mick seems to be laughing as he's leaving. Howard said he probably was.
Howard said Bubba fits right into the wrestling world. Robin said it was obviously set up because Bubba just kept his hands down at his side. She said he was like a blow up doll in that situation. Howard said Mick Foley had his way with Bubba in that clip.
The caller also brought up ''Kick Ass'' which is about kids who dress up as super heroes but they don't have any real super powers. Howard said that wasn't on his radar. Robin said she kind of knew about it. Howard said that doesn't interest him.
Robin mentioned that one of the movies is in 3D and that led to Howard saying that he's annoyed with the 3D stuff. He said he doesn't care about that. He said that he's just annoyed that they're doing all of this 3D stuff now. He doesn't like the 3D TVs and all of the movies.
Howard said it was kind of cool to see Avatar in 3D but he really doesn't care about 3D. He's done with it already.
Howard said he doesn't need to see ''Clash of the Titans'' in 3D. He said he'd like to see the movie but he doesn't want it in 3D. He said they're bringing out the 3D TVs and he's not going to watch that. He said it's just going to be annoying.
Jon Hein came in and said that they have the TVs out now but there's no content for it. Gary said he saw a 3D demo last year and it was pretty cool. He said it's not distracting but you do have to wear the glasses. Gary said they're selling the TVs just to watch Avatar but that's not even out. Howard said they did 3D for Butt Bongo Fiesta but that wasn't all that great. Gary said that the technology is much better now.
Fred said that you'll be a slave to the TV if you watch in 3D. He said you won't be able to do other stuff if you have to wear the glasses. Howard said he can see a major accident happening when he gets up to get something with the glasses on.
Jon brought up the original ''Clash of the Titans'' and they're supposed to be sticking to the original feel to the first movie. Howard said he remembers the first one now.
Howard said he's not liking this new Robin with the charity thing. He said he's hearing too much of this stuff.
Howard said he was watching some of the video Robin took down in Guatemala and she was in some kind of parade. Howard said it was a horrible looking country. He said you have to hear the music in the video. He said it looked like a crime scene down there.
Howard played some of the video where Robin was explaining what was going on in the parade. He didn't last long before talking about how wacky people seem to be down there. Robin was saying that there are women down there who become midwives because they think that God told them to do that but then they have to ask their husbands if it's okay. Howard said that's like George Bush thinking he's hearing voices in his head with God telling him what to do. Howard said there is no Jesus telling these women to become midwives.
Howard played more of the tape of the ceremony that Robin was taping. Robin said they had black hoods over their heads during this thing. Howard said you have to wait until you hear the music playing. Then the music started and trumpets blocked Robin from talking. Howard said he wants this as Robin's news theme now. He tried to sing to the music but there was no way to do that. Howard said this was the music of Guatemala. Howard said maybe the Black Eyed Peas will steal that.
Howard said Robin ate some stuff down there and it looked like diarrhea soup. He said Robin probably wanted to throw up seeing that stuff. He said she ate some of the stuff but not the diarrhea looking soup. Robin said that was meat based so she didn't eat it. Howard said she was safe eating the rice. Robin said everyone else was okay after eating that stuff.
Robin said this music was from Antigua. She said they had a few hours to go back since the people wanted to go back and see more. She said that they do this thing on Sunday and this day was the day the kids did it on Saturday. Howard said this goes on all the time and he's never seen Robin out watching anything like this.
Howard played more of the ceremony and it sounded like kids playing the instruments. Robin was talking about the bands there and they were separated girls and boys. Howard said it was horrible. He said that would turn him off to Jesus. Robin said they get out there and do that every week.
Howard said he got a note saying that Bubba was wearing a girdle or Spanx on the wrestling show. Howard said he looks like he dropped a couple of pounds but he didn't notice a girdle.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was listening to the replay of Bubba and he really did get hit. He said he was going in for x-rays today. Howard said he believes that. He said Bubba went down and he looked like he hurt himself. Howard said he's not a professional athlete. The caller said Bubba doesn't have a script anymore so he's kind of freelancing.
Howard said he finds the whole thing hysterical. Robin said that Brent wanted to be a fighter and he ended up getting his ass kicked in like 15 seconds. Howard said Bubba is on from 3-7pm on Howard 101. He said he hears the opening to his show with the Jimi Hendrix song. He said that makes him wonder if Jimi would be a cool guy now or would he be a dick.
Howard said he thought Bubba's theme song used to be that Full Trucker Effect but maybe he can't play that on terrestrial radio.
Fred played the Hendrix song and threw in some horns to make it like the Guatemala stuff they were listening to earlier. Howard thanked Fred for that after a minute. Howard said it's terrible that Bubba had to change his theme song. Howard said he was thinking about how bad terrestrial radio is doing and he loves it.
Howard said Robin was helping a white kid in the Big Sister program. Howard said that Robin revealed that the woman is a grown woman with 3 kids of her own. Howard said Robin said that the kids call her ''grandma'' which she isn't too thrilled with.
Howard asked Robin if the girl keeps in touch with her biological mother. Robin said she doesn't see her. Robin said she was like a mother to this girl. Robin said that she has two mothers other than her. She had a big sister before her so she's the other one. Robin said she's explained this to Howard before. Howard said he doesn't pay attention to this stuff. He said he just wants to go back and go to sleep in his office.
Howard said Robin must have been a better big sister than the other one. Robin said the other woman, Heidi, got married and wasn't able to continue doing the Big Sister thing. Robin said the girl's name is Leah and her three kids call her grandma. Howard asked how many Guatemalan kids are going to be calling her grandma. Robin said ''none.''
Howard said if Robin knew she was going to be called Grandma she never would have gotten involved. Robin said it did turn out to be something more than she ever expected it to be. Robin said they stay in touch and they get together once a year or so. She said that Leah keeps up with her on Facebook and she has her number and knows where she lives.
Robin said she just got a note from one of the kids, Diamond, and she was thinking about it. Howard asked if the grand kids are white. Robin said that they're all adopted and they're black. Robin said that she became a foster parent since she was in the situation she was in and she wanted to help. Howard said that's a good person she raised. Howard said that no white kid is going to be named Diamond.
Howard said he never figured that would be the ending to the story. Robin has black grandchildren. Robin said that's what she should have. Howard asked what they call Robin's companion. Robin said that's a new term and she's not even sure what that is.
Howard played some audio from the Wrap Up Show where Robin came in and hit her knee. Robin made a Tarzan like sound and they isolated that so Howard could play it over and over. Howard said he had to tune out when he heard them talking about his new glasses on the show.
Howard said that's great that Robin is being called Grandma. He said that must be confusing. Howard asked if that girl is married. Robin said she has a ''life mate.'' Howard said he understands now. He said that Robin should be blogging that stuff too.
Howard played more of the audio of that awful music Robin had taped in Antigua. He laughed as he played it. Howard said he's not sure that's technically music. Fred threw in some more sound effects over that and anything he played fit right into it. Howard said he might have to turn on the Autotune for that.
Howard said Robin is a good person for pretending to be excited over things down there. He said that she was excited about the bowl of diarrhea and all of that.
Howard and Robin talked about JD's way of talking and how he seems to argue with himself in his head before he speaks. Howard played some of the audio of JD doing that yesterday on the Wrap Up Show. JD was trying to talk but he wasn't able to get out his thoughts. He was trying to say that he wasn't delusional about something but wasn't able to get the whole sentence out.
Howard goofed on JD by doing his JD voice. He said there used to be a show on called ''Topper'' and maybe JD is like the lead in that show who was the only one who could see certain ghosts. Howard said maybe they could take tapes of JD and green screen in ghosts while he's on the air. That way it would look like JD was talking to someone. He said maybe Howard TV should do that. Howard said maybe when JD laughs they'd have the ghosts tickling JD. He said that would explain all of his weird behavior.
Robin said that would explain some of the odd behavior. Fred said the ghosts names in ''Topper'' were Marion and George. Howard said that they could do a whole ''Topper'' remake and use real tape of JD and explain his odd behavior.
Howard played the audio from the Wrap Up Show where JD was trying to speak and tried to create the ''Topper'' thing. He gave up and said it's going to take a bit of work to make that happen.
Howard read more email about JD and his date with Ashley. People were telling JD to give up on Ashley because she's just using him.
Howard said the girl who is in that movie ''She's Out of My League'' is really hot. She's in Maxim magazine and looks really good. Howard said she was also saying that she's into guys like the guys in the movie. Howard said that's really hot. Howard said they pull her sweat pants down and her whole ass and thong are in your face.
Howard read that some fans are talking about boycotting the Playboy issue that Ashley is going to be in if she doesn't give anything to JD.
Howard played more of JD on the Wrap Up Show where he's saying he was just trying to be himself. Howard said that's very Napoleon Dynamite-like. Gary had asked JD if he ever makes the move on girls himself. JD said he does so Howard said he probably makes the move with the yawn and the arm around the girl.
Howard played more audio of JD and said he can't play it all. He also played more of the Napoleon Dynamite stuff which sounds very much like JD. Howard said that guy decided to never play that role again so his career is over. Howard said he could have done 50 movies like that but he decided not to do it anymore. Howard said he could have been like the Three Stooges. He said that Shemp was like that too and thought that he could get out and do serious roles.
Howard said they could have done a lot of stuff with that guy. He said he could have been in Hot Tub Time Machine. Howard said they could have Napoleon Dynamite against Alien or something. He could have been in 3D in Avatar meeting the Navi.
Howard asked what that guy's name was. Gary said it was John Heder. Howard said he really could have had a big career. Howard said that guy could have stolen the movie in ''Talladega Nights'' but he wasn't quite Napoleon Dynamite. Howard said he's sorry if he's offending people but the guy isn't going to get more work if he doesn't play that character.
Howard said Sasha Baron Cohen sticks to his characters and it's brilliant. Howard said that's a franchise and that's a ticket to make money.
Gary said that the kid who plays Napoleon Dynamite is a Mormon and he says he will never do a sex scene in a movie because of that. Gary read some quotes from him about doing that and Robin said she doesn't think anyone was asking him to do that kind of scene. Howard said someone must have done a number on him with that religious stuff.
Howard said he had another guy tell him to put some bounce in his step when he was out running one day. He said the guy was doing that in front of his girlfriend so he may have been showing off for her. Howard said no chick could be turned on by that though.
Howard said there are assholes wherever he goes. He said he's had people yelling out at Beth while she's on the treadmill and stuff. He said that the owner of one club was talking to Beth while she was running on a treadmill. The caller Howard had on the line asked if he could play a game. Howard said he would let him play but he had to take a break first. Howard said he made a rule where he wasn't going to let people play games if they asked to play. He said he's breaking his own rule.
Howard talked more about that gym owner who was talking to Beth and calling her ''miss pretty'' as she was in his place. Howard said that they were at a resort when that was happening and he was thinking he could probably have the guy fired. Howard said the guy was really big and he could probably carry Beth around in his hand. Howard said he behaved himself down there. That led to them talking about Chuck Zito and how tough he can be. Howard said he fantasizes about being a real man like Chuck. He said that Chuck could beat up all of Montreal. He said if anyone ever yelled out to his girl Chuck would beat them up.
Robin wondered what Chuck wears to the beach. Howard said they should ask Chuck. He said that Chuck is going to be on Howard 101 doing another show soon. He said he really has to take a break. He said he has to stick to his schedule.
Howard said his father once punched a guy in the stomach at Temple. The guy was giving him a hard time so his dad had to punch him to shut him up. Howard said that's the story he told but he's not sure how true it is. He said his dad was a tough guy though so maybe it was true.
Howard said his father once took a bus into work and two guys had a scam going. They were setting people up to pick pockets. He said that his father knew what was going on and he screamed out ''Stop the bus and shut the doors now!'' He said his father got his wallet back after patting the guy down. Howard said he's not even sure if the guys were enormous black guys but he added that to the story himself. Howard said his father did get his wallet back though.
Howard said Robin wanted him to stop a guy on a bicycle who had ripped someone off. Howard said there was no way he was going to do that. He said he's too much of a pussy. Howard said they should call his dad and ask him to tell those stories about beating people up.
Howard said he knows how tough Chuck Zito is because he once punched out AJ Benza just for writing something negative about him in the paper one time. Howard said Chuck also beat up Jean Claude Van Damme for doing something Chuck didn't like. Howard said he disrespected him and that led to Chuck punching him. Howard said he thinks that it was Jean Claude telling Chuck he didn't have any heart. Howard said he doesn't even know what that means. He said Chuck went out and socked the guy in the head and knocked him out. Howard said he thinks that Chuck's radio show is the best on the channels. He said it's even better than theirs.
Robin said that this movie ''Kick Ass'' is kind of like that whole tough guy thing. Howard said that he doesn't want to see that. He said that's just stupid. He likes real super powers, not people pretending. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he had to go pee during the break. Robin was telling Howard about an external catheter that someone wore. Howard wasn't sure what that meant so Robin explained it as she knew it.
Howard said he got a note about this guy Ochocinco and told him to watch out for that guy. Howard said that the guy is single so he's got women coming and going all the time. Robin said there is someone who was just drafted to the Jets who has a bunch of kids. He wasn't able to pay his child support bills and stuff because he's got so many kids. Howard said his signing bonus was used to pay off the money he owed to the women.
Howard said Sal and Richard made a prank call using his voice and the fans liked it. He read some of the email he got about that call. Howard said people were saying that it was the funniest call they had ever heard. Howard said it was just him doing an impression of his parents.
Howard said that the Howard TV guys are going crazy with the cameras this morning. They're going to be doing a Stump the Booey thing with Gary this morning and they're going nuts. He told them to calm down with that and just settle with what they have.
Howard said he's not sure he believes these people who say they pull over to the side of the road when they're laughing at the show. Howard said that he was driving Beth around the other day and Beth told him he's a good driver. He said she likes that he drives as slow as he does. Robin said he's good as long as he doesn't have to go somewhere that he needs directions for. Howard said the last time he drove in Manhattan he cried. That was when they were fired from WNBC.
Howard said he decided to drive home by himself and it was a nightmare. He said that he was just fired and he was fine. Then he started to drive and he tried to get to the Midtown Tunnel and his whole route was closed down. Howard said a guy was waving and telling him he couldn't go that way. He said he just wanted to get home so he just started to cry. He said he made an illegal turn and got pulled over. Howard said he told the cop, who was a young, black woman, that he couldn't figure out how to get home. Howard said he was frustrated and said he had just gotten fired. He said the woman felt for him after that.
Howard ended up having Fred play ''Can't Find My Way Home'' and sang along to it with that awful Autotune thing. Howard was ruining the song with that. He said that you have to have that Autotune hooked up to him 24/7.
Howard said that the money they have for Stump the Booey is from the movie ''Hot Tub Time Machine.'' That led to him talking about that movie and what it's about. Howard gave some of the details of that movie since he had seen it. Howard explained that to Robin. He said he liked the name of the movie too.
Howard said they'll have to see what they're going to do with this guy for Stump the Booey. Howard said they may have to do something worse to the guy than have this chick get naked.
Howard said this guy is disrespecting the show. He said he's not sure how they all hook up with the same girl. The guy, Neil, came in and said that he sent pictures of the girl that he was dating. He said she backed out a week ago. Neil said he left messages since last week and said that the girl backed out. Will said that he didn't say anything about the back up girl.
Neil said he told someone there that he had to switch girls. Will said he never got the message. Will said he spoke to him yesterday and he didn't mention it. Will said the guy is full of shit. Howard said that he's disrespecting him today. Neil said he would never do that.
Howard said this girl has been on before. The guy said she's never been on there at SIRIUS. He said he met her on J-Date and he really is dating her. Will said he doesn't believe that. He said the guy is lying about this stuff and it sounds like they're getting the run around constantly.
Gary said that the guy just started dating her a couple of weeks ago. The guy said they were friends and they just started dating a couple of weeks ago. He said that they have known each other for years.
Neil said he would never disrespect the show. He said that this girl was on the show back on terrestrial radio. Will said that the girl has breast cancer so she's missing a nipple. Neil said that she has a fake one.
Richie Wilson came in and said that he asked her if she had ever been on the show before. He said she had a panicked look on her face. He thinks they're full of shit and they should kick them out. Neil said they didn't have to kick them out.
Howard said maybe the girl is dating him because of the cancer and that she lowered her standards. Neil said that cancer does change your life. Howard asked Robin what she wanted to do. She said maybe they have to talk to the girl. Gary said she was out in the hall screaming.
Howard said he's not sure what to do. The girl came in and said that the breast cancer comment wasn't cool. She said she was on the show 5 years ago and she got sick 3 years ago and went through hell. She said that she didn't like what he was saying about lowering her standards because she had cancer. Howard asked why she started dating him recently. She said that they were just friends for years. Howard said girls know if they're going to date a guy in minutes. She said that she hasn't slept with this guy yet. Neil said they have done everything but had sex.
Howard said this girl isn't a girlfriend. She said he is the only one she's dating. Howard said she's not going to sleep with him. He said she would be banging her already if they were dating. Howard said this girl has standards and this guy doesn't fit them. She said she doesn't just sleep with everyone.
Howard said this girl is way too touchy too. She said she's just touchy about the breast cancer thing. She said she used to live her life thinking that she could get stuff for having nice breasts. Howard asked if they're real. She said that's not funny. She said she had a left radical mastectomy. She said she went through cancer treatments and it was really rough. She said someone said something really ignorant earlier. Neil said he was the one who told Will that she had just one nipple.
Howard said this is boring to him. He said this is bad radio. Neil thought it was good radio. Howard said that it's not cool when you bring in a girl who is different than the one he agreed to bring in. Howard said that he might have to let this girl play just to see her fake nipple.
Howard said this guy Neil is so unfunny and he doesn't even know it. Howard said this girl is too good looking for him. Howard said that this guy isn't funny and he has to stop talking. He told the guy that the bottom line is that he's not honest. He said he sent them a picture of one girl and brought a new one in. He said that the cool thing is that she has a nipple made from her leg so he has to see that. He asked what part of her leg they used. She said it was part of her groin.
The woman said that she has skin growing inside of her that they can use for reconstructing parts of her. Howard said that it's funny that Neil can't even get this girl and she's got skin growing in her belly. He said that's pretty sad.
Howard said he's going to take a break and let them play the game. He's only doing that because he wants to see this girl's fake nipple. He told them to go back and prepare for this and he'll play the game.
Howard said Neil lied to him about this and that's really not cool. Howard took a call from a guy who said that they have to throw these two assholes off the radio. Howard said he has put in enough time that he has to see this girl, Shayna's, nipple. Howard said that Neil is going to play Stump the Booey and she may have to get naked if he loses.
Howard asked Shayna if she blew Neil. She said she watched him jerk himself off. She said she can't lie about that. She's afraid to lie about that stuff because of her cancer. She kept goofing on him during the interview. She was saying that if Howard didn't think he was funny he should see him when he's naked and things like that.
Shayna told Howard about how they made up and how his penis was on her back. She said that he had to release some pressure and he jerked off. Neil did some stuff to her but over her underwear. Howard asked if she came. She said she actually did. She said that turned her on to watch him jerk off too. She said she touched him and helped out a little bit.
Neil said they had a friend in the next room too so they were trying to keep it quiet. Howard said that it would have been nice if she had jerked him off like he did to her. She said he didn't expect anything from her though. Howard said she's obviously not into him. She said she is into him, they made out.
Howard said he had to get this over with before his audience wants to throw their radios out. Fred said it might be too late. Howard said he's going to take a break and get to the game. He said they have this $5,000 to give away and that's courtesy of ''Hot Tub Time Machine.''
Gary asked how much money Shayna was supposed to get. Neil said he'd give her $1,000. Shayna said she would have said okay to $500 but that's fine with her. Howard asked what her timetable is for doing something to this guy. She said she doesn't have one. She said she's a spiritual girl. Howard said he hears that and he'd be out of the room.
Howard said he'll keep their talk down to a minimum during the game. Howard said the game will be fun. He bets that this guy is going to lose though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't give a shit about their pseudo sex life or anything else. Howard said that he was going to throw them out until he heard about the fake nipple. Gary said the people in the office are saying that they should give her money and just get rid of them. Howard said they're going to play the game so it's fair and square.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he had to complain about his Miss Howard TV special. He said they have a disturbing image of Bubba the Love Sponge between the girls. He said he's laying on a futon by a pool during the special and it's disturbing. Howard said it can't be that bad. He said Bubba was the host and it was exciting.
Howard said they have a girl coming in today and this girl should be a professional model. Fred saw the picture and said she was too short to be a model. Howard said she should be a model for everything. He said she's very attractive. Howard said they'll have her in later on to do a little promo. Howard said he would get to the Stump the Booey game after taking a break.
Howard replayed the Sal and Richard prank call they made to a heating service using his voice when he was doing impressions of his mother and father complaining about not having heat. Howard said people like that call. He said he didn't know people were going to like it so much. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he's got to stop all games. He said he's got the guy on hold and he doesn't have time for him. He had that guy Mark on the phone from the other day who he said could play a game too. Howard said that guy is monitoring him. Howard said they'll play another one with him some other time.
Gary came in and said okay to Howard and Howard got pissed at him for doing that. Howard said he's got to stop with the games. Howard told Gary to put Mark on the phone next time and the other guy the time after that.
Gary said he understands. He had to explain it to Howard to make sure he had it right. Howard said from now on when someone asks to play a game, hang up on them. Howard said he can't do this anymore. Howard asked how old these guys are. He said they want to play games and they get upset about this. He said he can't build the show around the $500 they want to win.
Howard picked up on this guy Mark who said he didn't have a game to play right now. Mark said he wasn't trying to bug him. Howard said he'll have the guys remind him that they're going to play a game. Howard said he's had it with the games. He said these people are like children with them. He said if they want to play a game then get a job.
Howard said he did tell this guy that he could play but he's not going to do this anymore. Howard said he has major problems himself. He said he can't even wear white pants anymore. He has pee stains on the white pants he has now. Howard said it's embarrassing. He said the stains apparently don't come out. He said he has brown stains on them too. Gary said it's probably not pee then. Howard said he's not sure what's going on.
Howard said he has stains on the pocket and on the leg. Gary said that's not pee then. Howard said he has stains where pee stains would be too though.
Howard said his head was ready to explode from life. He said he shakes his penis to get rid of the pee and he still dribbles. He said his doctor told him he may have an enlarged prostate and it's not that big of a deal but he dribbles.
Howard said he said he had to get off the air at 10 today and now everyone is freaking out about that. He said that he's supposed to work until 10 but everyone goes crazy if he says he's leaving at 10. He said they don't know what to do from 10 to 11. Howard said he wants a show from 6-10 and he thinks the audience will be okay with that. They don't need more than that. Howard said no one wants to hear 2 hours of Gary yapping about what happened on the show. Gary said that it's Jon too.
Howard said that Jon helped him out with his Blackberry again and got it fixed for him. He told Mark that he has to get back to him some other time. Mark said it was fine, he wasn't bugging him. Mark asked if Howard is going to wear his hat on the air. Howard said he's not going to wear a hat. He said his head is too big and he can't wear one.
Howard said his head is way too big and even without his hair he wouldn't be able to wear one. He said he can't buy the stylish hat he wanted. He has problems with everything he does. Howard said when they take pictures with guests he towers over everyone. Howard said he can't even do that without issues.
Howard said Jason takes pictures with him and the guests and people come in and ask to have their picture taken. He said Gary will take a picture and the camera won't work. Then Jason has to come in and take a picture with his professional camera. Howard said he'll try to hurry that up and Jason will ask him if it's okay. He said he sees himself and he looks like a giraffe. He said he towers over people and he looks awkward.
Gary asked if he could make a suggestion. He asked Howard why he doesn't just let Jason send the picture out. Howard said if it doesn't look good he doesn't want it out there. Howard said he just tells the people the picture didn't come out.
Howard said he wants his press photo made into a cardboard cut out so people can take their picture with that instead of the real thing.
Mark asked about Howard's egg sandwich and if it's still wet. Howard said it is so Mark suggested wrapping it in wax paper. Howard told Mark he'd get to him next time.
Gary asked why it's him that annoys him. Howard said it's the way he talks. He said he loves Gary but sometimes he's just annoying. He said he's not even sure why. Howard said that Gary annoyed him the first day he met him. Gary said Howard didn't like anyone. He said that they've had a lot of people on the show who have annoyed Howard in the past. They even had an intern that creeped Fred out. Howard said he'd like to meet anyone who creeped Fred out.
Howard said he hired Gary and he had no qualifications. He said he didn't have any money to hire a professional. He said they hired Gary because they didn't have any other options. Howard remembered hiring Gary and how Fred did the interview. He said that Fred took it really seriously and they had Gary come back in a suit the second time because it was disrespectful to dress the way he had. Howard said Fred and Al Rosenberg did the interview together.
Gary said that he had done a movie in college and it involved animals so Fred accused him of doing animal porn. He said Fred was goofing on him from the first day. Fred said it turned out to be a pretty good hire. Howard said Fred never had the power to hire anyone. He just told Fred to hire anyone he could. Fred said he thinks that Gary turned out to be great and if he weren't good he wouldn't be there. Howard said he would because he doesn't have the balls to fire anyone.
Gary said that the only time he could have lost his job was when Robin told Howard to fire him every day when they started at K-Rock. Robin said Gary used to annoy her but not anymore. Howard actually sent the two of them into a room together to work things out. Howard said he did the right thing because they were able to work them out.
Howard played the music from down in Antigua that Robin recorded and said they were thinking of doing a song parody contest with the music. He said Richie Wilson came up with that idea. Howard said it might be impossible to do that though. He did some impressions of what that might be like. He said it kind of sounds like the music in the Godfather from the wedding. He played that clip too and it was very similar to the music Robin had recorded.
Howard told Shayna she has to get naked behind the curtain. He said he's looking forward to seeing her naked. He said she has big jugs and she had breast cancer. She lost a whole breast and they had to rebuild the left side. Howard said she was looking good behind the curtain.
Howard asked Shayna what happened to her. She said she has a left radical mastectomy. She lost her whole left side. Neil said he saw it and it looks real. Shayna told him not to say anything. She said she wasn't able to get an areola because she ran out of money and had to file for bankruptcy. Neil said he'd get her one if he wins. She said he didn't have to do that. Shayna said that she could have one tattooed on. Howard said he would comp her the areola if he were a doctor. Shayna said she actually got a nose job while she was under for the nipple. Howard asked why he didn't do the areola then. She said that doctor doesn't do that kind of thing.
Howard said that Shayna doesn't seem like the type of person who would get naked on a show. She said she wouldn't but she wants to promote breast cancer awareness. She works in a doctor's office usually.
Howard said that was enough of her life story. He said that they're going to see how this game goes now. He said they have 5 songs to play and Gary is going to try to beat Neil by guessing what songs they are.
Howard played the first song and had Gary and Neil try to guess what it was. They had to write down their answers. The first song was Pet Shop Boys ''What Have I Done To Deserve This.'' Neil got it right. Gary got it wrong. Neil started to get cocky. Howard played more of the song but got sick of it pretty quick.
Howard played the second song which was The Cars ''You Might Think.'' Gary got it right, Neil got it right. Howard played more of the song and Gary sang along to it. Neil asked him who sings the song. Gary said ''The Cars'' and Neil said ''Lets keep it that way.'' Gary thought that was annoying but Howard said the guy was right.
Howard played the third song which was Whitesnake ''Is This Love.'' Neil got it wrong, so did Gary. Shayna said she knew it.
Howard played the fourth song which was ''Somewhere Out There'' by Linda Ronstadt and Dan Ingram. Neil got it right with both names. Gary got it wrong. Neil started to do some monkey sounds because he had won. He said he Beat the Boody. Gary had lost so Shayna went nuts screaming.
Shayna told Howard that she knows that Howard doesn't like her music but she would like to play some of her music and she'd show her boobs. Howard said he'll do that. Howard said he'll play 30 seconds of her music for that.
The Howard TV guys dropped the curtain and Howard checked out her nip. Howard said it was made out of leg skin. She showed Howard where the skin came from and where they're growing skin in her stomach. Howard said she wasn't bad looking at all either.
Howard let Shayna play her music and promote a show she had coming up in Voorhees, New Jersey at Coffee Works at 8 on April 2nd.
Shayna got ready to play her song and had her boob resting on the guitar. Gary said he kind of liked the way it laid there. She sang the 30 seconds of the song after that. She kept it to 30 seconds too. Howard said he probably wouldn't have stopped her if she had gone longer. He said he would have trouble saying no to someone who had breast cancer. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Robin was singing along to the song as they came back. Howard asked her who sings that song and told her to keep it that way. Howard sang along to the song with this Autotune on. He said you gotta love that. He said that they figured out a way to make you sing in tune even if you suck.
Howard said he was reading about Jesse James and he may have cheated with up to 11 other women. Howard said that Jesse may have been having sex with girls right under Sandra's nose. Howard said the pictures of the other girls looked like the one with the tattoos because this other one had tattoos too. Howard said that Jesse was called a snake in the story. He said that he may have had all of these relationships going on at once.
Robin said this was killing her. Howard said that the Enquirer was looking into this. He said you know you're fucked if the Enquirer does a probe into a story. Howard read more about Jesse and how they say that he could be a racist who collects Nazi stuff. Howard said Sandra must have known about that if he actually did collect it. Howard wondered what you do when you walk in and see a bunch of Nazi stuff in a room.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has the patience of a saint. He said that woman they had in there was annoying. Howard said she was kind of annoying. He said he got sucked in when he heard about how they made her nipple. Howard said the game was fun too though. He said that shut them up for a while.
Howard said they hustled them right out after the game. He didn't take any pictures with them. Howard said he had to see that nipple.
Howard took another call from a woman who said they were making her insane. She also congratulated Robin on all of the work she's doing and her Craig's Radio Hall of Fame Award that she got. Robin didn't remember getting that. Howard said he showed it to her.
Howard read more about Jesse James and his cheating. Howard said that he would apparently do this stuff on the weekends when his employees weren't there. Howard read that he was into rough sex and he'd do stuff when Sandra was in another room of the house.
Howard said he thinks that women put up with that kind of stuff when they're new in a relationship. He said he thinks that women actually like to have their neck's kissed. Howard said they care about penis size more than they let on too.
Howard read some more about Jesse and what he was up to. Robin wondered if he's going to sex rehab. Howard read that these women didn't know that he was cheating on them too. Howard read that this one woman thought that he was in love with her. Howard read that they were having sex within an hour of her coming over to his shop.
Robin asked if Sandra really had no clue. Howard said that's what they're saying. They're also saying that they could be getting divorced very soon.
Maria said that she does hosting for Playboy at the mansion. Howard asked what she's doing there then. She laughed. Howard asked what she does there. She said that she dances at the mansion and does shots and stuff. Howard asked if she dances nude. She said that she has body paint on but it's basically nude. She said they don't have any g-strings on or anything though.
Howard asked Maria if she has sex with anyone there. She said she doesn't. Howard didn't sound like he believed her. Howard asked if she gets paid good money to do that. Maria said they don't pay very well but she did it for the experience.
Howard found out that Maria has a boyfriend. Howard asked if his name is Hugh Hefner. She said that it's not but Hugh did touch her nipples the day he met her. She said that Hef is the only one who can do that. She said that she took it as a compliment when he touched her and said they were nice nipples.
Howard said he read about Maria masturbating about 5 times a week. She said she does that. She said that she likes to use the Rabbit and the Pocket Rocket to masturbate. Robin uses the Hitachi. Howard said Robin needs more power than this girl does. Howard said she's not ready for that yet.
Howard asked Maria about getting caught masturbating in class one time. She said she didn't really get caught. She told Howard about one teacher who really liked her and how he used to come on to her. She said she didn't do anything with him but she did fantasize about it. Howard asked if she would masturbate when other students were in the room with her. She said there wasn't anyone there. She said she had gotten there early.
Howard asked how she did it. She said she did it on the outside of her dress. She kind of tucked it in. Howard asked Robin if she had ever done it like that. Robin hadn't.
Howard read that Maria was a Miss teen New York. She got pregnant after that and got her title stripped. Howard said he may have read about that in the news. She said she didn't think it made it into the news. Howard asked if she had that kid. Maria said that she did. Her daughter is going to be 5 soon.
Howard asked if her parents were upset about that. She said they were kind of upset because they're in the medical field. Howard asked if she stayed with the guy who got her pregnant. She said they broke up but they're good friends now.
Howard said Maria dated Chuck Liddel for a while. Maria said that he would use her as arm candy. She said that he would fly her to his home and stuff all the time. She said that his friend wanted him to take her seriously but he wanted to stay single. She said he never met her daughter.
Howard read about some of the people who hit on Maria at the Playboy mansion. She said that Billy Corgan hit on her and she loves him. She said that she doesn't go around sleeping with celebrities but she did talk to Billy for half the night. She said that they still stay in touch.
Howard asked Maria about how she likes to be rough in bed. She's been with 9 guys sexually so Howard said that sounded about right. Howard asked Robin if she had been with that many. Robin said she hadn't.
Howard read that Maria had a couple of lesbian experiences. She was in a foursome one time and the girls did stuff to each other. Maria said she liked it. Howard asked if she got banged by the guy. She said it was her boyfriend at the time so she did. She said it was kind of during the whole thing. Robin said that didn't sound fun to her. She wondered how you get that many people into bed at the same time.
Howard read about the second lesbian experience and how it was a neighbor when she was 19. Maria said that the neighbor was married and she got in trouble. Maria said that the woman had gone down on her but she didn't want the favor returned. Howard asked how the husband found out. Maria said the woman told him.
Howard asked Maria if she does anal. She said she has but not often. She said that it's not an every day thing. She said it's a special event.
Howard said that Maria is Miss Howard TV for April. He thanked her for coming in. Robin wanted to know how she starts a conversation about wanting to have lesbian sex. She said they'll just start talking and people will open up with her. She said she's always been lucky like that.
Howard gave Maria some plugs for her Howard TV stuff and her web site MyMariaVenus.com. That site isn't ready yet though. She said it should be ready in a month or so.
Reby said that she didn't cry when she found out but she thought it was pretty cool that she won. Reby said that she didn't think guys were into her body type. Reby said that the big boob thing is what she figured guys would go for. She said she has a small B. Howard said she has nice boobs.
Howard said that Reby won $1,000 and some other stuff and she's going to be Miss Howard TV of the year. He said she's working it into something. Howard said you can check her out in the Miss Howard TV of the year special on Howard TV. You can also check her out at RebySky.com
Howard read that Reby is into chicks too and she has a girlfriend. Reby said she's into guys too though. She said she has a guy she's into now and the girlfriend doesn't mind it. Howard said people are really wild these days. Reby said that she moved to the New York area and the girlfriend is in Florida so it will be a long distance relationship.
Howard said he likes that she's into both. He said it's not slutty or whorish. He said that she's just open and she's enjoying life. Howard said there's no reason to hold back because she's not harming anyone.
Howard said these girls are different. He said he's looking forward to seeing Maria on Howard TV. He said they were exciting and he can't wait to see both of them on Howard TV. Howard let them go a short time later. Howard said Maria had a nice tuckas. Mike Gange looked like he wanted to eat Maria according to Robin.
Howard said he thinks that women are getting more beautiful than they used to be. He said they have a lot of really hot chicks that come on the show. Howard said he had to end on time today so he had to go to break.
Robin said that she wanted to bring up Lady Gaga being on the cover of a magazine without a mask. Howard said she's very nebishy looking without the mask on. He said she might want to keep wearing the masks. Howard said she seems like a real little girl without it. Howard said he thinks she knows what she's doing and she should keep the mask. He said she has a nice body though. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said his father, Ben, was on the phone for some reason. Howard had apparently forgotten they were talking about Ben and his fights earlier in the morning.
Howard got Ben on the phone and remembered what they were talking about. Howard explained what they were talking about earlier and Ben went on to tell the story about the bus. Ben said he was taking the bus across town on 57th street and there was a 3 man scam going on. He said that he came to his stop and there were a bunch of people in the bus. He said 3 or 4 walked out but then this guy bent over like he had dropped something. He said the guy behind him pushed him and he felt something. He told the bus driver to close the door. Ben said he grabbed the guy and started to frisk him. He said he looked down and saw his wallet on the floor. He said the guy had dropped the wallet.
Ben said he saw the wallet there and told the bus driver to let him out. Ben said he walked out backwards so the guy wouldn't attack him. The guy threatened him saying he had better not do that again. Ben said that you should never keep a wallet in your back pocket because that's how they get you.
Robin said that Howard made it out to sound like he was dealing with more than one guy. One of them had gotten off the bus already. Ben said that he put himself into danger but he didn't think about it at the time. Robin asked if they were black. Ben said the guys were black but there are bad guys of any color out there.
Howard said he thought that was pretty brave. Robin said it was but it wasn't three big, black guys like Howard made it seem.
Howard asked his dad about beating up a guy at Temple. Ben said he had started a fight one time and the guy pulled out a pen knife. He said he actually kicked it out of the guy's hand. Ben said he had pretty long legs so he just kicked it out. Ben said he still has dreams of kick boxing.
Howard asked about the guy at the temple. Ben said he had gotten into an argument and punched the guy right in the stomach and put a stop to it.
Ben said he had another story where he was fighting and took a swing. He said he ended up hitting a telephone pole and his whole hand blew up like a balloon. Robin asked if he picked fights with people. Ben said that he was a kid and he never had a fight as an adult really.
Howard said his dad had a couple of stories where he kicked ass. Ben said he had one on the Long Island Railroad. Ben said he had gone to a Christmas party one night and he was kind of drunk. He said the guy opposite him asked if he was Jewish or Irish. Ben said he stood up and started to put the gloves on his hand. He said the next thing he knew he was on the floor and the guy was pummeling him on the floor of the train. He said people had to pull the guy off of him. Ben said that he got home and every button from his coat was gone. Ben said he showed his wife what happened and she blew him off because she was busy playing Mahjong. He said he was sore for a couple of weeks after that. Ben said he was lucky people pulled him off of him or he might be dead.
Howard said that was his dad's manly stories. Howard said that Ben did tell a story where he got beat up and most guys won't do that. They'll only tell you the stories where they beat guys up.
Ben told Howard he loves him. He said he loves Robin too. Howard said that was interesting that he put gloves on to box. He said his father must have thought he was a boxer or something.
Howard heard that Robin was doing Rosie O'Donnell's show so he asked her about that. Robin said she's taping it today but they're going to play it at some other time. Howard said that she must put some in the can so she can play them later. Howard said he'd like to do that too. Robin said she's going to do the show from SIRIUS so it will sound like she's in the room with her.
Howard said that Rosie is going back to TV from what he read. He said she must be giving up the radio show. Howard said that she must have figured she could get the big bucks again. Howard said he read that she's working with a couple of great guys. Howard said it's a shame that she's not going to be there exclusively. Robin asked if they tried to keep her. Howard said that they have their own problems there though so it's not surprising they didn't try to keep her. He mentioned the stock prices and how low they were.
Howard said that Rosie will make a ton of dough doing TV. He said that she's thinking of changing her format but he'd just do the same show she did in the past. She's going to put some of what she does on her radio show into the TV show according to Jon Hein. Howard said that's good for her.
Steve said Robin is heading to Miami for her charity party. She's going to be down there during another big event so it might not be the best timing.
Steve said that Andy Richter was on Greg Fitzsimmons' show last night talking about how he thinks Jay Leno should have just moved on and left NBC. He's also hinting that Conan O'Brien's show is moving somewhere else. Steve said that in 1986 Howard broadcast live from London on this day.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They ended up talking about the Stump the Booey game for a couple of minutes. Howard said they were the most annoying couple that has ever come in there. Gary said he thinks that he's going to retire from that bit because his memory has been fading over the years. He said he used to know those songs but his memory isn't as sharp as it used to be. Howard asked what's going on with them there these days. Robin is a grandma and Gary is losing his memory. He said he's been getting progressively worse at the game. Gary said he's reading a book about Willie Mays and he feels like him when he started to slip on the bases and stuff.
Gary said that Fred is still good at his game so they'll just have to turn it over to him. Fred said he still reads to his daughter and stays up on that stuff. He said his daughter is very smart and she's smarter than him. Howard said he's sick of people telling him how smart their kids are. Fred said they don't let her watch much TV. He said she likes to read so they let her read as much as she wants. He said that he has to read to her a lot and some of them are fairy books.
Gary said that Scott DePace told him that his kid has a TV in his room. Gary said that people say that's the worst thing you can do. Scott just said ''Ahhh fuck everyone.'' Howard said his kids had TVs in their rooms when they were growing up but they don't even have TVs now. They don't like it. Howard said he grew up watching TV and that's how he built a career. Howard said TV was more important than anything in his life. He said that he learned how to relate to people by watching TV. Robin said it did the same for her and she learned a lot about the world by watching TV.
Howard said that Mike Douglas was his best friend during high school. Robin said that she was with Merv Griffin. Howard said he was never that close to Merv. Jon Hein finished up his Wrap Up Show preview after that.
Robin read about 3D TV and a study that was done about whether or not it's bad for your eyes. Robin said they're saying it's fine. Robin said that they have a new Nintendo coming out eventually that will be 3D. Robin said that they don't know how the Nintendo 3DS will work but they should have more in June. Howard said that they don't have a cure for cancer but they're working hard on 3D.
Robin read about some of the movies that are coming out in 3D this year. There was a Kenny Chesney movie, Shrek, Toy Story 3 and many others. Robin said there were hundreds of them on the list. Howard said he kind of likes 2D. He said Avatar was okay but it gave him a headache. Robin kept reading movie after movie that were going to be in 3D. Howard said that the whole thing wears off. He said it's not that big of a deal. Howard said he doesn't need it that bad. He said once in a while it's cool but not all the time. Robin agreed. She said that it should be like anal and just happen it once in a while.
Robin read some news about a 17 year old Autistic boy who has predicted some basketball games. Howard said that's weird. Robin said that he got them perfect and there are a lot to predict. They had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 10:05am, we heard a prank call that Richard made to a news program during a gas leak incident. Robin got back to her news after that. They played her in with her new news theme that she had recorded down in Antigua.
Robin read a story about a survey that was done that found that kids who lost parents before the age of 20 would trade a year of their life for one more day with the person they lost. They feel their lives would have been better if they hadn't lost anyone.
Robin read some news about a study done about President Obama and what people think of him. Some think he's a socialist, some think he's the Antichrist. Howard said he had an article about that and the Republican's go nuts whenever something like this happens. Jason came in and told Howard the gist of the story he had read. Howard said that he didn't have the story there but it showed that the Republican's really lose it when it comes to this kind of stuff. Howard said it seems to be getting worse and worse.
Robin said there are states filing lawsuits trying to stop the new health care bill from going into effect. Robin said the debates aren't over yet.
Howard found the story that Jason was talking about and went through some of the stuff they talked about in there. He said that Bill Clinton's deficit reduction program was something the Republican's were freaking out about and it turned out it worked. There were people saying that they'd have to become a Democrat if it actually worked but no one says anything about it now.
Robin read some more about the health care bill and had some audio of some people commenting on that. Robin also brought up the Vice President Joe Biden dropping the F-bomb. Robin had some audio of that but it was bleeped.
Robin read some news about Sandra Bullock and Jesse James separation. Robin said that Sandra may be filing for divorce over this. Howard wondered if she'll ever even see him again. Howard thinks it could happen but Robin wasn't sure about that. She said she thinks they might have to see each other. Howard said that if he was doing these chicks without a condom, that's not cool. He said that you can't do that to your wife if you're cheating. He said that guys should wear condoms if they're going to cheat. Howard said he thinks that Sandra is going to leave him and she'd be right to do that.
Robin read that the NFL is changing some rules in the playoff's. She told Howard about that and Gary came in to fill Howard in on the details. Howard said he thinks that the two of them are annoying each other. Gary and Robin were arguing about these new rules. Howard said he knew that Gary still annoyed Robin.
Ralph called in and said that Gary doesn't respect Robin's opinions, that's what that was all about. Ralph said that this tattoo chick that was with Jesse was the kind of girl he would definitely use a condom with. He said that you don't risk it with a chick like that. Howard said he gets that. He said that he doesn't know if she's dirty or not but he'd wear a condom.
Robin said another porn star came forward to say she had sex with Tiger Woods. Howard said Tiger's wife should move out and stay out after this. He said he's not sure why she stays with him. Robin read the story and said that this woman Devon James came out in a radio interview. She claims that Tiger asked for her phone number and she was with him until 2008. Robin said this brings it up to a total of 15 women that were with Tiger. Howard wondered why it took so long for this one to come out.
Robin read about some art exhibit that's in New York City. They have sculptures up on buildings and things like that. Robin had some audio of the artist talking about his work. Howard said he's just trying to figure out how to get to work and this guy is saying people should walk around thinking ''what if...'' Howard said that these sculptures are also making people think there are jumpers on buildings.
Robin read about how there is an intestinal infection going around that they're trying to stop. It's called C-Dif. Robin said that it's causing infectious diarrhea in hospitals and it can kill.
Robin read that it's national Kick Butts day. She said that the movement started 15 years ago by students who wanted to stop the tobacco companies from pushing their stuff on kids. Howard said he thinks cigarettes should be against the law. Robin said there are a lot of them in the movies and it's usually the cool guy smoking.
Robin read some news about a program in the works to get African American's jobs. She had some audio of a guy talking about that program.
Robin read about Lady Gaga being sued by her former boyfriend and manager. Howard said these musicians usually end up signing bad contracts. He said that he could have one and maybe she owes him money. Howard said he has signed some dumb things early in his career.
Robin said this kid Justin Bieber is a big deal right now. She had some of his music to play. Howard said it sounded like a girl singing to him. Robin said he's in some reality show that he shot.
Robin said that Green Day may make it to the big screen with their American Idiot album and play. The play made it to Broadway and it may be adapted into a film.
Robin read about the movie Hot Tub Time Machine and had some audio clips of some of the cast talking about it. Howard said he can't take that seriously. Howard gave up on John Cusack pretty quick.
Robin read a story about kids who are taking this new drug Spice to get high and it's a legal drug. Robin said that they're talking about banning the drug which is like a synthetic marijuana.
Robin read about some new film that's coming out for Polaroid cameras. She wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:40am.
Jon said that he thought Gary was going to mop the floor with that guy. Gary said the guy was around his age and he knew he was going to be a good competitor. He said the guy worked in a record store too so he knew the music. Gary said he feels he let Howard down today. He said he needed to beat that guy because of the way he screwed them over.
Will was in too so he said that he knew the guy was going to be good at the game but he showed up with a completely different girl. He said that Richie Wilson is the guy who figured out she had been on the show before. It turned out to work out when the girl said she had her boob lopped off.
Gary said that Will was in the studio with the guy and he could hear the girl yelling from the green room. He said he knew it would be good when she got fired up and went off on him in the studio. Gary said that it really set her off when Howard said she had lowered her standards to date the guy.
Will said the guy wasn't being funny and he was just being annoying. Gary said the girl had been there before and she was making it seem like this was for something new.
The guys talked about the fake nipple that was made and tried to figure out why they had to get rid of the original. They figured that maybe they remove it just in case it's cancerous.
Gary said he thinks that Robin's nipples were off when she had her breast reduction. Fred said that sounds familiar to him. He said that he seems to remember that discussion.
Fred showed up late so Jon filled him in on what they were talking about with the annoying couple in Stump the Booey. Fred said he thinks that the couple that were in gave the listeners ear cancer today. Fred said the guy was a very unfunny Howie Mandel and the woman was very bitter ex-wife-type.
Gary said he got a hold of the guy in the hall and said that he wasn't being up front with them. Gary said he insisted that he had left a message for Will. Gary said there was no way that he would let that slide before coming in. Fred said he was making more excuses than OJ going back to prison.
Jon asked Fred what he thought of Gary's loss today. Fred said that he can see Gary losing the game. Sometimes you just have a brain fart and that happens. Gary said Fred actually lost to Crazy Cabbie on the show so that was the ultimate brain fart. Gary said that was a shock. Fred said that Cabbie was lucky that it was that day that he got stupid. Gary said the funniest thing was that Tom refused to pay him.
Fred said he was arrogant that day and he figured that there was no way cabbie would win. He said that he went back and lost on time that day. He said he could have smoked him if he had just gotten the 3 and stopped.
Gary said that as you get older your brain gets lazier. He said that you get lazy with the internet too. He said that he doesn't think about stuff anymore, he just goes to the web. Fred said that people are using their brains less these days. He said we're becoming brains on a plate.
Gary said that he actually did study for this game today. He said he downloaded some of the top hair band songs from the 80s and listened to them. He went through those and some of them he didn't even remember. He said there was one that was number one on the charts and he didn't remember ever hearing it.
Gary said that he has problems with simple words these days and he never had that in the past. He said it's really frustrating.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't remember Gary ever losing and he sounds kind of like he feels slighted. Gary said he has lost before. He said he isn't saying the guy didn't beat him fair and square. He just thinks he should have done better than he did. Will said that guy hosted a music show for 8 years so he was better than average. The caller told Gary not to give up. Gary thinks that he'd kick ass on 70s music. Jon asked why they don't do that then. Gary said he's not sure Howard wants to do that. Fred said they could try that and if it doesn't work they'll just keep going back in time.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of Gary losing to Neil. After the clip the guys talked about how Neil was gloating in Gary's face. Gary said that didn't bother him so much. He said that guy had nothing to do with him doing as poorly as he did.
Benjy asked Gary about that guy playing Beat the Booey at some other time. Gary said he played against him in the Howard TV edition of Beat the Booey and he lost. Gary said it was Howard Stern trivia and he totally took him down in that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary about picking another decade. Gary said they were just talking about doing the 70s. The caller said it was just one game so he shouldn't give up. Fred said he's lost a couple of times at Win Fred's Money. Gary said he thought it was just once or twice. Fred said it's been a few times.
Jon said that Gary wants to dominate, not just win. Gary said that's true and he likes to get it over with in 3 songs. Will said it sounds like what annoys Gary said that he knew the songs but wasn't able to come up with them.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he plays along at home and he usually wins. He asked if Gary has gotten them all right in a game before. Gary said he got 8 songs right in one game that went to overtime.
Another caller told Gary not to give up on the game. He said he's the greatest producer of all time so he shouldn't give up. Gary said that one thing doesn't have anything to do with the other. The caller asked what the Willie Mays book was he mentioned earlier. Gary said it's called ''Willie Mays: The Life, The Legend.'' Gary told the guy about the book and how good it is. Gary said he's actually listening to the audio book version. Jon Hein is too.
Jon asked Gary about the way Howard was talking about how much he annoys him all the time. Jon asked Gary if he feels that he is annoying him just by being there. Gary said he is in Howard's face all the time and he gives Howard a lot of info he doesn't want to hear. He said he thinks that he annoys him less than he used to. He said he thinks that happened when they got there to SIRIUS.
Jon also pointed out that Howard said Gary was only hired because he was their only option. Gary said that's not entirely true but it's not far off. Gary said he remembered that they didn't have much money and no one was going to apply for the job with the money they had. Gary said his biggest memory of it was that Howard was even more insulated than he is now. He didn't like strangers at all. Gary said he was already working there so Fred kind of knew him from working there. Gary said there was no way they were going to get someone for that money with the credentials he had.
Fred said he had a really good time that day busting Gary's balls. He said he knew the guy had to have a good sense of humor to take the job and Gary has performed admirably since then.
Fred said he didn't remember what he said to Gary and he doesn't always know the line that he shouldn't cross. He said his wife reminds him of that all the time.
Gary said Howard was out sick the day that he applied for the job. He said that it was Fred and Al Rosenberg in the conference room breaking his balls that day. He said he doesn't remember them breaking his balls all that bad. Fred said it was more like a ''ball cracking.''
Gary said he was told that Howard wanted to see him just for a minute and he didn't think he needed to wear a suit. He said he had a nice pair of jeans and a nice shirt. Gary said Howard said a quick hello to him and then Fred told him to dress a little nicer. Fred said he was the biggest slob and he was telling Gary to dress nicer so it was pretty funny. He said any other person would have said ''fuck you'' so it showed what kind of person Gary was.
Gary said Fred saw him come in dressed in the suit and he just laughed at him. Gary said he knew what the joke was at that point. Gary said Howard told him to try the job out for a month after that. Gary said he did the show day after day and after a month he asked Howard if he thought he worked out. He said Howard told him to cut it out and told him he had the job so he shouldn't worry about it.
Jon took a call from a woman who told Gary that when he took the quiz today he was suffering from Tip of the Tongue syndrome and he shouldn't worry about it. Gary said that sounds like someone made up a fancy term for someone's memory going. The woman said that everyone has it no matter the age. She said that it happens to just about everyone and it can increase with age. She said that she's a psych student so she knows this stuff. Benjy asked if you have a larger vocabulary, does it happen more. She said it can. She suggested that you exercise and read and do puzzles to keep up on it. Gary said he's been running like 20 miles a week so he is up on the exercise. Will said maybe he was just tired.
A caller asked Fred if they goofed on Gary after he left in the suit that day they had him come in. Fred said he's more an ''in the moment'' kind of a guy. He said he might be an asshole sometimes but he doesn't do that all the time. Gary said Fred can be brutal with some people. He said he'll just keep going off on people busting balls and people don't have the thick skin that Fred does.
Gary said that Mitch Fatel was an intern there and he used to do the daily logs of the show. He said that Jason does that now. Gary said they used to have the logs set for years ahead and Mitch would write stuff like ''I hope Fred dies'' in the logs from years ahead.
Gary said there was another person who didn't get along with Fred and she wanted to mess with Fred. Fred said he can be like a Rottweiler. Jon said he's heard that Fred can get pretty vicious. Gary said Fred has done that with Robin at times. Fred said Robin can get under his skin in a very rapid way.
Will said he remembers the time Robin said something like ''nice T-shirt Fred'' and Fred shot back with ''Shut up fat ass.'' Gary said that's exactly what it was. Fred said he just calls 'em like he sees 'em.
The caller asked if they think Robin is going too far with the charity stuff these days. He said he thinks that her ego is out of control. Gary and Fred didn't get that. The caller said that Robin went to Guatemala on a fact finding mission and now she's acting like mother Theresa. Fred said she's being vocal about stuff that she's into now but he doesn't think it's a self serving thing. Fred said that Robin is trying to do some good things in the world and he can't fault that.
The caller said he wrote to the charity and asked how they give out grants and they haven't gotten back to him yet. It's been about four weeks. Gary said they're still trying to get off the ground so maybe they're a little behind.
Fred said that Robin seems to be spreading her bat wings and doing more stuff in her life. He said he was referring to her dress with the wings, not anything else.
Jon said that Fred had a lot of fun with that music they were playing today. Fred said he had to thank Doug Goodstein finding it and thinking that it would be good on the air. Fred was throwing in a lot of sound effects during the music. Fred said that Howard seems to be tiring of it pretty quick so he's not sure if it will become Robin's new news theme.
Jon brought up JD and the discussions they had about him and the way he can't talk. Gary said that he thinks too much.
Robin came in around that time and told the guys that she wanted to clarify some stuff. She said that the reason that they talked about her diet on the air is because they saw Dr. Roni and James there and they brought it up. She said she wasn't the one who brought it up. Gary said that the other guys brought it up, not him. Robin was looking at Gary when she was complaining.
Robin was saying that she wasn't gloating about her diet either. She said that they just saw Roni there and she ended up on the air.
Jon asked Robin about Howard's comments about Gary being annoying. Robin said she finds it cute that Howard is so annoyed by him. Robin said Gary has certain quirks that bug Howard. Gary asked why they don't bug her. Robin said everyone is bothered by different things. She told Gary that all of the stuff he does just adds to Howard's irritation.
Gary said that since they got there things have changed. they used to have more time to talk during the breaks. Now they have to cram more stuff in. Gary said they just don't have enough time to do stuff like they did at the old place during the 20 minute long breaks.
Jon played the audio of Howard going off on Gary about how annoying he can be. After that clip Jon said that Howard was joking around but it also shows that Howard is really annoyed. He said it must hurt somewhat. Gary said it doesn't bother him that much.
Robin said that sometimes your partner doesn't understand your reaction to something and that's what happened to Howard and Gary. Gary was kind of blowing it off and Howard was annoyed by that. That all got started when Gary was waiting for Stump the Booey to start.
Jon asked Robin what she thought of the couple that played the game today. Robin said she enjoyed the segment and thought they were funny.
Gary asked Robin if she told the story about her nipples being removed when she had her breast reduction surgery. Robin said that was true. Gary doesn't understand why they took them off. Robin said they reconstruct the whole breast so they put them in a different place.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Robin does her charity thing because she's trying to make up for being on the Howard Stern Show for all these years and number 2 is that she's trying to make up for not having kids. She said she does all of this crazy stuff and it all seems kind of child like to him. The guys weren't sure how that explains how she was like a kid though.
Robin said that she does think about telling people what she does or where she works. Robin said she never told that military guy that she was on the Stern Show.
Jon asked Robin if she's upset that the Grandma thing is out there. Robin said that she is. Gary said it's a good thing because now they might be able to do the GILF (Grandmother I'd Like To Fuck) thing. He said that they weren't able to do that back at K-Rock because the legal department wouldn't let them say ''GILF.''
Jon asked the guys if they knew about all of the Ben Stern fighting stories. No one had heard them before so it was all new to them.
Gary said Howard would love to have a story like that. He said he doesn't have anything like his father did. Gary said that Robin and Howard had a story when they were in a limo and saw someone stealing a bike on the street. Robin said she saw this guy with a hack saw stealing a bike and she asked Howard what they were going to do. Howard said they were going to sit there and watch.
Robin said they had another story where they went to this picnic for work and everyone was afraid to go because it was in the Bronx. Robin said that Howard had his daughter with him and this person saw Howard standing there and Howard jumped into the car and locked all of the doors. She and Howard's wife, kid and Fred were outside of the car. Howard was locked in the car all by himself.
Ralph called in and said that story was funny. Howard had locked them all out of the car. Ralph said that he doesn't understand why Robin doesn't sit still and relax sometimes. He said she's always out doing stuff. Robin said she is at home alone a lot. She said that she wouldn't be doing all of this in a row but that's the way things all worked out.
Gary said maybe the 45 year old single man is projecting. Ralph said maybe he is. He said if he went to Guatemala he wouldn't go out for like a month after that.
Gary said that Robin has stamina because she can go to London for a weekend and then come back to work. Gary said he'd need 2 days just to recover.
Robin said she has done some crazy things where she has flown around the country to go to a funeral after doing a show on a Wednesday. Robin said she was telling a friend that she was tired and they told her to pull an Artie and just not show up. Robin said she can't do that though. She went in and that day Artie didn't show up.
Fred told Ralph that maybe he's just not into that same kind of thing and Robin is. He said Robin wants to make an appearance at a friend's family funeral and Ralph might not be into that. Robin said that Ralph won't even come out to dinner sometimes when he has to come into work the next morning.
Jon asked when Robin goes to bed. Robin said she went to bed at midnight last night and got up at 4:30. Robin said she won't be sleeping tonight either. She said she has another event to go to tonight. Gary said he could get by on 4 hours of sleep maybe once a week. He can't do that every day.
Ralph asked Robin what she's doing today. Robin said she's doing the Rosie show, the Jay Thomas show and another show later tonight. She's also going to work out.
Fred said that Robin enjoys people so she likes to do this stuff. Ralph told Fred to hit the cuckoo sound effect for him. Jon let him go and had Robin get in some plugs for her charity. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Gange didn't seem to be bothered that the new girl was engaged. Jon asked if they have called Gange out on this yet. Gary said they should have him come in because they all seem like the same type to him. Benjy said he likes that type too so he didn't notice. Gary said that they're all good looking but they all seem to be the same type of girl.
Gange came in so Jon asked him about this theory of theirs that he gets all of these girls that look alike. Gange said he doesn't cast them because of that. Gange said he tried to mix it up in the beginning but most of the girls who apply for the job seem to look alike. Gary said they look like they failed the audition for Jersey Shore.
Gange said that if they got any girls who were blonde he'd book them. He said that they're just not auditioning for them. Gange said if you're a hot red head then contact them. Gange said that if you live in the tri-state area then you have a good shot of getting on.
Gange said that the new girl was from Rochester and even that was a stretch. He said that she had a 4 hour drive to get there.
Gange also talked about Reby winning the Miss Howard TV of the year. He said they all worked very hard to get in the running.
Gange said that he likes the southern blonde type of girls and he's not even that into these girls that come in. Gange said that actress Amy Smart is his type. He said that the girl who came in today was engaged so there wasn't much talk with her today.
Gary asked Gange if he will ever get married. Gange said he didn't think he ever would but he gets envious of guys who are married with kids. He said he might want to marry.
Jon asked Gange about the way he annoys Howard since Gary was on Howard's nerves today. Gange said he can tell when Howard gets annoyed with him. He said that he'll say one thing and he'll see that point when Howard snaps and gets really annoyed.
Gary said he thinks that he became the guy that's easy to take it out on so Howard takes it out on him a lot. Gary said Howard wanted to get out of there at 10 today so he was already annoyed. He said he was afraid to leave the studio because of that. He figured Howard would have went off on him if he had left.
Gange said he thinks that Howard gets annoyed with him very easily. Gary said that Howard doesn't ''need'' Gange to be in there so he might get more easily annoyed with him than he does with him.
Jon took a call from a woman asking if Robin was going to be at the charity event on Thursday. the guys were pretty sure she was. The caller also said she thinks that Fred is a good father based on what they've heard. She said her husband calls Fred ''Eric Fred.'' Benjy asked what his daughter knows him as. Fred said she knows him as Fred or Daddy. He said he didn't want to go down that road with her. He said his daughter is 7 years old so she's too young to explain that whole thing to. Jon said he could have listened to that for 10 minutes.
Jon asked the guys about what they thought of Howard's thoughts on putting TVs in kids rooms. Gary said that he held off on doing that with his kids. He said he had a lot of TV in his life and he got a lot of pop culture in his life from that. It might not be good for every kid though. Fred said he doesn't want to do that with his daughter until she's 21. Fred said they do watch some Disney stuff but even that he has problems with. He said you have to keep an eye on what your kids are watching and looking at on the internet.
Gary said it is weird to let your kids watch some stuff. Gary said his 12 year old told him that he watched ''The Hangover'' at a friends house. He said that's not what he'd show his kids. Gary said that his kids do watch ''Modern Family'' and they seem comfortable with the gay couple on there so he likes that. He said he tries to monitor how much they watch but it's really hard.
Jon said his kids don't have TV in their rooms but they do have computers. The guys said that's basically the same thing though.
Ralph called in again and said he thinks that Howard likes Gary but he really doesn't like Gange that much. He said that might be why he gets annoyed with him. He said it's more personal with Gange than it is with Gary. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show saying he was out in the hall and heard about how many appearances Robin made yesterday. He heard her on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Robin said she went in there to correct them on some things.
Howard asked Robin how all of her appearances went. Robin said they were good. She spoke to Rosie O'Donnell for about 20 minutes and Jay Thomas for about an hour. Robin was also on a TV show with Jane Velez. That was on HLN. Howard said he saw on one show that they played a clip from the show and they played it off of YouTube and credited them and SIRIUS. Howard said that pissed him off. That happened on the HLN interview. Howard asked who owns that. Robin said it was Time Warner.
Howard said that YouTube got a plug and they didn't have anything to do with the broadcast. Howard said it's unbelievable what's going on with copyright laws. Howard said he's talking about suing for reparations and no one wants to go along with him. Howard said YouTube traded off for billions of dollars.
Gary told Howard they do have a SIRIUS channel over at YouTube. Howard said that was a shakedown deal. He said it's like making a deal with the devil and it irritates the shit out of him. Howard said they try to grow the business and they just put stuff up on YouTube without permission.
Howard said that he was asked to go on The View after he talked about how he wanted to go on there to argue with them about Gabourey Sidibe. Howard said his agent called and told him about that and there's no way he wants to go on that show with all of those Yentas yelling over him. Howard said Robin was good on that Jane Velez show yesterday. He said she's smart and that's why she doesn't annoy him. He said most people are idiots.
Howard said it was hard to work with Robin when she was crazy. Howard said he had a conversation with his shrink about how he likes to stick it out with women who are crazy. He said he adored Robin when she wasn't crazy and he had to stick it out with her. Howard told Robin that he knew she loved being part of the show and he had to keep her around. He said when Jackie was giving them a hard time about his contract he just couldn't deal with it. He said he knew that Robin didn't like that and she was going nuts. He said he was worried and concerned for her and he hoped that she'd pull through. He said she was just out of control though. Howard said he has grown over the years. Robin said she didn't want to hurt Howard, Gary and Fred anymore.
Howard wanted to listen to what Robin was saying on that Jane Velez show last night. Fred said she was very eloquent on the show. Howard was about to play some of the audio from when Robin was asked about Gabourey Sidibe. Howard said that was a 5 minute discussion on his show and now it's being discussed everywhere. He said they think he doesn't like fat people but it's Hollywood that doesn't like them and that's what he was talking about.
Howard said there are people out there telling Gabby that she's beautiful the way she is but they're also the people out there working out, jogging and starving themselves to look good. He said they don't think it's beautiful. Robin said that there are some people coming out saying that they're right like Susan Powder and Richard Roeper. Howard said if you show up to a job like that, even as a receptionist or something, they don't want that. Howard said that people think it's bad. He said people who tell her she's beautiful and are starving themselves, aren't hiring her.
Howard played the Jane Velez show audio where Jane was talking to Robin about Gabourey Sidibe and what Howard said about her weight. Jane said that she and Robin know each other from running into each other at a Vegan restaurant. Robin talked about the weight thing with Jane and explained what they were talking about on the show. She and Jane talked about people like Kirstie Alley who have been commenting on this weight issue. Jane said she thinks they're talking about food addiction. Robin was making some points about how people are encouraging Gabourey to stay fat when they tell them how great they are. That would be like someone encouraging someone to keep drinking when they're an alcoholic.
Howard said he had another clip where Robin and Jane talked about Sandra Bullock and Jesse James. Robin had said that she didn't think that Jesse and Sandra would have any contact again. Howard interrupted and said he was actually the one who said that. Jane asked Robin about what's up with these guys who go out and cheat on their beautiful wives with women like that tattooed woman Jesse cheated with. Howard said that's because Nazi chicks can fuck.
Robin was explaining to Jane how Jesse has a type he likes and he must have been missing something in his relationship with Sandra. Howard said these two Yentas should have got it on together. Robin was talking to Jane about how awful Sandra must have been feeling when she saw who Jesse was cheating with. After that Jane asked Robin about her charity and had her talk about that.
Howard saw that Robin had commented on Ben Rothlesberger too. Robin said she was asked about that. Howard played that clip next. Howard said Robin would b really good on these tabloid type shows to react. He said she should get a job like that. Robin said she likes doing this type of stuff. Howard said if she's like him, she'd just make up her opinion right on the spot. Howard said he will change his tune if people argue with him, he doesn't care.
Howard said he finds it funny when they comment on something like Gabby Sidibe and it makes the national news. He said he's just trying to get something going for his audience and filling 5 hours of show.
Howard played the audio of Jane asking Robin about Ben Rothlesberger. Jane had another woman give the news report about Ben and said that he's admitted there was some kind of sexual contact between him and this 20 year old girl. She was talking about how he doesn't make good decisions off the field. Robin responded saying that Ben must be getting a lot of good suggestions from the sidelines during the games but not in real life. Robin said he needs a life coach or something.
Howard said Robin's response was pretty good there. He said that was a good though. He played more of the interview where Robin and this other reporter were talking about Ben's behavior. Howard asked if she comes back again in that one. Robin said she did. In the clip Robin was asked about the Tiger Woods thing too. Howard asked what kind of show this is. Robin was commenting on these people who are big sports stars and how they don't have a normal interaction with life. She said Tiger Woods never dreamed that people would talk about what he was doing.
Howard said Robin could be an expert on these shows. She has a lot of opinions. He said he hopes that it opens up some doors for her. Not that she needs any opened. Robin said she enjoys doing shows like that and playing around.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that YouTube and SIRIUS have some kind of agreement now. Howard said he explained that it's a shake down. He said that they had to agree to do something or they'd just keep letting people put stuff up there. Howard said YouTube thinks they can legally just let people post anything on there. They had to make some kind of deal with them to stop that from happening. The caller asked if they get something out of the deal. Howard said he doesn't know the agreement but he's pretty sure that they aren't getting any money. He said they had to agree to give them the content or they'd let people keep posting shit. He said it's like the mob. Howard said maybe they are paying them, he doesn't know.
Howard said that YouTube has every bit of content and if they weren't allowed to have it then they'd be done in a minute. Howard said they don't own anything and they don't generate anything. They have a service that basically steals service. Howard said he couldn't sleep at night knowing that people were stealing like that and posting it on a web site he owned. Howard said they're taking stuff they don't own. He said he's not a crook and doesn't think of ways to rip people off.
The caller asked if he looked into suing them. Howard said he did look into it and they apparently have new laws of their own. Howard said that he doesn't want any of his stuff on there but they ask that you tell them about everything individually and how it was taken. Howard said the whole thing is a joke. He said he has to get out of this business.
Howard said he does use YouTube all the time and it's very convenient. He said he doesn't even need to watch TV anymore, he can go to YouTube. Howard said he bets that the Networks are losing money but YouTube is making money with ads on the stuff that's being posted. He said they're full of shit over there... but he loves it for himself.
Howard said they're going to play a Pete the Asian Virgin Singing Game with Mark. Howard said he has 5 opportunities to win. He has to get 3 out of 5 correct. Howard played him a practice song. He had Pete singing something and Mark had to guess what it was. Howard said he should just give him the money now. He replayed the song and it was unidentifiable.
Howard said Mark's connection was bad and he was on a train so he was just going to give him the $711 from 7-Eleven. Mark asked Howard about his new glasses and if he had even more. Howard said he had a pair on this morning and Robin said she liked the other pair he had on the other day. Howard said these are the same. Robin thought they were different. Howard said he doesn't care.
Howard said he had to give Mark the money because the connection was really bad. He said they should have told him that they'd call when he wasn't on a train.
UPDATE: Late in the show, around 10:30, Howard played the song since he had forgotten to give out the answer. It was Billy Joel's ''Piano Man.''
Robin mentioned how much she was using it on her trip so Fred played the audio of the music she recorded down there as she spoke.
Howard said he got some email about Robin commenting on the birds chirping down there in Guatemala. He said the person pointed out that Robin hears birds in New York City all the time so why would she be so interested in that. Robin said they were different birds down there.
Howard played the audio clip from Guatemala where Robin was talking about the birds. Howard was talking about the way Robin was speaking and how she sounded like one of those announcers on a nature show. He goofed on her about that and did an impression of her talking. He said she sounds like the guy who got eaten by bears. Howard played more of the audio and Robin was talking about some of the odd noises down there. Fred threw in some sound effects that she could have been commenting on.
Howard said his favorite clip was when Robin showed her Juicy sandals. He played that one and made fun of her about that. Howard said she just wanted to show how cute they were. Robin had pink nail polish on her nails. Robin said that she had a pedicure done and she picked pink, it was as simple as that.
Howard said people were checking in about the food she was eating and they agreed that the food looked like diarrhea. He read some of the comments he got about that. One person said it looked like they held the bowl under an animal that had diarrhea and filled the bowl.
Howard read another one where the writer said Robin was an asshole about being so fascinated with the birds down there. Robin said she likes birds at home too and she sits on the beach watching them all the time.
Howard read some positive stuff about Robin's charity and all of that. There were some others who thought that Robin was a phony for doing what she does.
Howard read some mail about his busting Gary's balls. People think that's old school Howard Stern and they love that. Some people think they jumped the shark but then they jumped back. Howard said there are people suggesting that they make an animated short about his parents losing power. There were some people asking for more JD segments every day. Howard read some about JD never getting a chance with Ashley Dupre. they said that's like telling a retarded guy that he can jump to the moon.
Gary told Howard about a parody song that Sal was going to write about Robin going to Guatemala. He said he was looking for the miles from the United States to Guatemala and Sal came up with 93,000 miles. Gary said he had looked it up himself and found that it was actually about 2,000.
Howard said Sal wrote a song parody about how dumb Gary is but meanwhile he thought it was 93,000 miles to Guatemala. Sal said he looked it up on Google and didn't click through on the link.
Howard said Gary shouldn't have told Sal that he was wrong. He said he should have let him do the song with that number in it. Sal said that it did sound like a lot of miles to him. They asked him how far he thinks it is from one coast to the other in the United States. Sal said maybe 250 miles.
Fred asked Sal what he typed in when he found that 93,000 miles. Sal said he typed in ''what is the distance from the united states to Guatemala.'' Fred said he thinks that he's bullshitting. Sal said he's not.
Howard played the song that Sal and Richard did about Gary. It was Sal singing about Gary giving up on Stump the Booey because he's not able to think anymore.
Gary told Sal he's so stupid that he's probably forgotten more than he even knows. Sal said he didn't even understand that. Gary said he thinks that his 12 year old son could beat him in a trivia contest. Howard said that sounds like a good bit to him.
Howard asked Sal how many miles it is to his house. Sal kind of knew that. Howard said that 93,000 miles is crazy. Fred said he doesn't know how Sal did it because he wasn't able to bring up that 93,000 miles thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they're all wrong. The distance to the sun is 93 million miles. He said Fred even missed that. The caller said that the moon probably isn't even that close. He said everyone is wrong about everything. Howard said they're all idiots. They do know that it's not that far to Guatemala.
Fred asked Sal how far the moon is from Earth. Sal said they're about the same because they're pretty close together. Fred said it's about 238,000 miles.
Gary asked how many planets Sal could name. Sal said he could name all 9. Sal said Mercury, Mars, Saturn, Venus, Uranus, Pluto, Earth, Jupiter and then he forgot.
Howard asked what the sun is. Sal said it's the strongest star in the world. Robin asked what world it was the strongest in. Sal said it was the strongest in their universe. He was still wrong. Fred said if he said it was in their solar system then it would be okay. Howard said they have many stars out there. Sal said he knows the little dipper. He said those are stars. Howard asked what planet he missed. Fred said it was Neptune.
Howard asked Sal about this porn clip he found. Sal said this woman was such a trooper at as eating and he couldn't believe the pounding she took up her rectum. Howard played the clip and the woman was yelling about how she wanted it up her ass. Howard said this is the reason that Jesse James probably wanted that tattooed chick. Howard said he guarantees that Sandra Bullock doesn't sound like that in bed.
Howard played more of the audio and she was taking a pounding in the ass. Sal said this is what Sandra probably sounded like when she kicked Jesse out of the house.
Howard said this girl was in the middle of eating some ass and the guy farts in her face. He played that clip too. The woman keeps going.
Howard said she still loves it. Sal said he can't even get a hand job from his wife. He said he wonders where you find these chicks.
Howard said he was reading about how Jesse James would cheat on Sandra while she was at his garage. He said that this is the kind of noises that must have come out of his office while he did it. Howard thanked Sal for his research as he was wrapping up with him.
Sal asked Robin if she would bang a super hot clansman. Robin said no to that. Howard said that girls aren't like guys. He said guys will say anything to get in a girl's pants.
Howard said they had to take a break but he has a lot of stuff to get to. He mentioned that Wolfie went to some event and saw the guy from Karate Kid who played the Sensei. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Howard came back and said that was a pretty funny bit. He said there was a weird picture in the paper the other day with Woody Allen walking in the park with one of his daughters. He wondered how Woody can adopt kids. Robin said maybe they didn't know they were giving them to Woody.
Howard said he loved the song he was playing under him. He said he was reading some stuff about Leslie West and Mountain. He was trying to find the article that was in Rolling Stone. Howard said that the song they were working on may have been ''Never In My Life'' and Jimi Hendrix was there and asked if they thought he was as good as Leslie. Howard said that's what Leslie claims he said. He's not sure if he really said it or not.
Howard said he'd be jealous of watching Leslie performing a song with Mountain because they were so good. Howard said they never got the respect they deserved. Howard said that ''Never in my Life'' was an amazing song. He said the only mistake they made was not using Autotune. Fred played the song for Howard right after Howard sang a little bit of it with the Autotune on.
Robin asked how many guys were in the band Mountain. Howard told Robin who was in the band at the time they did that song. There were just 3 guys. Robin said it sounded like more. They didn't have room for anything else in that song. Howard said it's such a great song. Howard said those shit heads on American Idol should listen to that.
Howard said he was watching American Idol last night and he knows he'd be a good judge. He said they really don't need 4 people on there and Ellen's comments are pointless. He said that they try to include her in the group and she just doesn't fit in. She didn't get the song selection. Howard said she's retarded. Howard said that Kara Dioguardi is retarded. He said they're fucked when Simon leaves the show.
Howard said he tried to tell his parents that he knows Drew Carey from coming on the show. He said his father just keeps saying ''What?'' when he tells him anything. Howard did his impression of Ben talking to him and explaining the power loss they had on their block too.
Howard talked about having his parents over to his house and the way they were complaining about being evicted from their home. Howard said he got them back on Drew Carey. He said Beth just sits there and doesn't say anything because they can't hear her if she doesn't yell.
Howard said his father was talking about ABC's audio quality and how bad it is on their cable system. Howard said his mother agrees with him on that. Howard said his father doesn't know who to call about it. He said he has told him there is no one to call. He said he does know Bob Iger over there though.
Howard said that his parents were talking about how they couldn't watch the Academy Awards because of the problem with Cablevision. Howard was doing both voices as he was telling all of these stories. Howard told them that he got to see it because he has both satellite and cable. Howard said his father just kept saying ''What!?'' every time he would say something to him.
Howard said his parents work on stuff over and over again. He said they were going over the power loss over and over again. He said that they thought the power was going to come back on for days. He said they played that whole thing out over and over like it was the holocaust. Howard said he told them to relax at his house but they just kept going over it over and over.
Howard said when his parents finally heard they got the power back they wanted to rush home. Howard said he convinced them to stay for a while. He said that they wanted to get home as quick as possible. This was the same story he told earlier this week.
Gary said Ross was saying to him that it's not fair because you can't let someone use something for 4 years and then take it away. Gary said he probably wasn't supposed to use it for those 4 years. Howard said they have to use it as an emergency bathroom. Gary said it's a guest bathroom for people who need to hear the show. Gary said that what it's become is a level of validation. Howard said Ross blasted Jason over it. Gary said that's because Jason agreed with him about who should be using it.
Howard said that he will let people come in and argue why they should use it. He said that he will listen but he's the one making Gary do this. Howard said people have been shitting on the floor and that's embarrassing to him. He said this isn't Guatemala.
Gary said that he went out of the way to put a few people on the list. Mel Karmazin, Don Buchwald and Beth Stern are on the list. Howard said that Beth will never use it. Gary said that Mel may not use it either but he is on the list just in case.
Gary said that they have blocked other people at high levels like Scott Greenstein. Gary said that Scott doesn't know that yet. Howard said that he wants people like that banned from using it. Gary said it's not banning someone, there are other places to go to the bathroom. Howard said he doesn't understand why people want to use it. Gary said it's a validation thing.
Jason said that he knows that some heads of various departments there may come in and use it too. Howard said that's bullshit. Gary said the department heads have access to their compound there so they were just using it.
Jason said that Ross is blaming him for being banned. He said Ross thinks that he told Gary not to let him in there. Howard said the bathroom was built so people like Fred can run out there to use it during the show. He said he can't have Fred waiting to use the bathroom. He said they have to use it for the fewest people they can.
Gary said Jared is one who can't use it. He said that Jared seemed to be fine with it. Jason said he was fine with it when he was talking to Gary but he was a little upset. Gary didn't even put Tim on the list. Fred said he saw him in there yesterday. Gary said they haven't activated it yet. Fred said he saw him sneak in there yesterday when the door was open.
Gary said that if anyone is caught lending a card to someone not on the list, they lose their privilege. He said if he catches Will sneaking Ross in, he's going to lose it and he'll have to go use the other bathroom.
Gary said that he knows that someone is going to sneak someone in and they're going to lose access. Howard said that if anyone gives anyone a problem, call him and put the blame on him.
Howard said that was enough with that. He wrapped up with Lisa so he could get to Richard Lewis. Bobo called in and mentioned that Beth was in the paper this morning. Howard said that was a surprise to him. He was talking about that and how Beth has been out saving animals. Bobo kept talking over Howard so he had to hang up on him. He said he had to get to his guest anyway. He went to break after that.
Richard came in and asked if he can use the private bathroom there. Howard said he can. Richard said that Howard should be the only one who can use it. Howard said he has a private one all for himself. He said they have someone there who shits on the floor in the bathroom so they wanted to put a stop to that.
Howard asked Richard about the Nehru jacket thing. Richard was saying he liked that Lenny Bruce wore one so it's kind of a tribute to him. Howard asked if he wears a top hat like Lincoln did too. Howard said he actually has a nice look. He has a very unique smell too. He smells soapy. Richard said it's not soap, it's some kind of cologne he wears called Aqua Desalva or something like that. Richard said his wife hates it because it's too soapy smelling. He said that's the one woman he finally decided to marry and she hates the smell.
Howard said he may be putting too much on because he can smell it from where he's sitting. Richard said he's been wearing it for 40 years.
Howard said he had some tooth pain recently and the doctor figured out that his gums were receding and the tooth is just exposed more. He said that it sucks getting older. Richard said he has had a lot of problems. He said he had a hernia and a bunch of other stuff. Richard said he had the hernia and he had a doctor pushing on his balls. He said one doctor was a protégé and he was practicing on him.
Richard said that he has to do this stool sample thing too. He said they have to check it for something and he's not even sure what for. He has to smear the fecal matter on a stick and then smear it on something and mail it in. Richard said he'd like to know if Jack Nicholson and people like that are doing that. Richard said his doctor told him that he was the only one who ever sent it in. No one else cares and they'd rather die than do that. Richard said he's never doing it again.
Howard asked Richard about his wife and if this is the second one. Richard said this is his first marriage. He said he was a sex addict and he used to cheat on the women he was with in the past. Howard asked if he was surprised at David Letterman and Tiger Woods. Richard said he's not surprised when anyone cheats. He said that guys want to fuck as much as they can.
Howard asked Richard about jerking off. Richard still does it and Howard was surprised that he does it at his age. Richard asked what was up with the age reference. They were joking about that for a minute and then ended up talking about Jesse James and Sandra Bullock.
Howard said he knows that Richard hates racism but if this hot Nazi chick wanted to blow him, would he do it? Richard said he would not. Howard said he would.
Howard asked Richard what cured his sex addiction. Richard said getting sober did it. Richard said that he had this hot chick he had to drive 70 miles to see and he could have just jerked off. It was an addiction that made him drive that far to do it. Richard said that your penis is responsible for the woman you're with and the woman who you cheat with.
Richard said that he was seeing this circus performer and this woman told him that she wanted him to go to a funeral for this really tall guy who had died and he didn't want to go. Richard said that the whole thing was a mistake because she didn't know anything about his being Jewish or anything like that. He said that he had to end it after a while. Howard said that Richard still would have stayed away from someone with a swastika on.
Howard asked Richard about the tall guy who died and if he thinks they cut the feet off the guy to fit him in the casket. Richard said he didn't go so he's not sure. Howard said they do that sometimes.
Howard mentioned Wilt Chamberlain at one point so Richard told Howard that he knew someone who dated Wilt. He said he was with this woman and he doesn't have the biggest penis. Then she told him that she was dating Wilt and his penis had a panic attack. She told him that she had sex with Wilt the night before so he ran out of the house screaming.
Howard asked Richard about the Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno thing. Richard said that he knows Howard wasn't a big fan of Conan's in the early years. Howard said he does like him. He said he's done the show a bunch of times. Richard said when you take over the Tonight Show they should have promoted it. He said they didn't give Conan a fighting chance. He said they promoted Jay. The guests were doing Jay's show too. Richard said that Dave got killed by Jay's ratings too. He said that even Dave would admit to that.
Richard and Howard ended up talking about grey pubes for a minute. Richard said he has an area that's grey and his wife laughs at it. Richard asked Howard if he knew that he could get a wig for his pubic area. Howard said he knew that, it's called a Merkin.
Richard said that he would never wear a toupee but his hair started to thin. He said his father used to tell him to save up for the good shirt when he'd go to buy a shitty one. He said that's what people should do with the wig. He said he sees way too many people wearing a bad toupee.
Howard asked Richard if there are actors out there who wear toupees that they don't know about. Howard said that Burt Reynolds thinks that people don't know he wears a wig. Richard said he's a nice guy and he sat next to him at a poker game. He said all he could do was stare at his face and it all looked real. He said he heard he had work done but it looked real.
Howard asked where he's playing poker where he can sit next to Burt. Richard said he plays with this guy Norbie Walters. He said they have a lot of people who come over and play. He said they just do it for fun though.
Richard said he saw Larry David at the game. He said that Larry sold out a 1900 seat panel discussion for the cast of ''Curb Your Enthusiasm'' recently and that's huge. Howard said he doesn't know him very well because he's never watched that show.
Richard said he knew Larry when they were kids and he hated him. He said that they ended up loving each other's work and got together. He said that they didn't even realize that they were the kids who hated each other when they were kids.
Richard said that he loves Larry now. Richard said that Larry asked him to meet him at a restaurant in Beverly Hills. He said he didn't want him to pay so he went to the manager and told him he was going to pay for dinner. He said that Larry showed up a half hour late and Larry told him that they were going to bring out the food that they wanted to. Richard said that was so unlike him. Richard said that they brought out like 24 entrees. He said that Larry got a call from Steve Martin and Larry ended up leaving in the middle of the dinner and he was left with a $1,000 bill.
Howard asked Richard if that hurts him when he has to pay that kind of bill and had someone walk out on dinner. Richard said they called later and asked him to come over because they had an empty seat. Richard said they must play for big money when they play.
Howard said Richard must only have show biz friends. Richard said he has regular friends. He said his friends are regular people and he has very few show biz friends.
Howard asked Richard about his wife and found out that she's only like 6 or 7 years younger than him. Richard said he has no desire to date young girls who don't even know what Serpico is. Howard said it can't be that important to him. Richard said that it means a lot to him.
Howard told Richard he appreciates him reaching out to Artie trying to help him get off of drugs. Richard said he's been trying to do that for a couple of years now. Richard said that is this wasn't the bottom for Artie then nothing is. Howard asked if he ever tried to kill himself. Richard said he never did.
Howard asked Richard how often he jerks off. Richard said he has sex with his wife but he does jerk off when he's out on the road.
Howard asked Richard if he ever got a boner when he was doing scenes with Jamie Lee Curtis in his TV show. Richard said he would pray for love scenes and he would put on like 3 jocks to keep it down. Richard said he had a good time doing that show. He said he never fucked any married women either. Howard said that's bullshit, he had to have. Richard said he never did. He said he was up to what Tiger was doing when he was his age. The difference is that he wasn't married like Tiger is. He said Tiger shouldn't have gotten married. He said he could be out fucking all of these women and not get in trouble if he was single.
Howard gave Richard some plugs for his Comix NY appearance. He asked if he has a web site. Richard said he doesn't like promoting anything in front of Howard.
Howard asked Richard about this health scare he had. Richard said he talked about it on a talk show that Howard would make fun of. It turned out to be The View. Richard said he knows Howard would make fun of that. Howard said he's happy for him. He's not going to knock him for being on The View.
Richard said he went in for a physical and the doctor asked him to come into the office. He said he had a chest x-ray done and the doctor said they found either a tumor or a piece of egg on the x-ray. Richard said he went nuts. He said they sent him to an MRI guy and they checked him out. Richard said he asked what the deal was and they weren't allowed to tell him what was going on. He said his doctor didn't call him for 6 days. He said that the doctor told him it was good news so he didn't bother calling him.
Howard asked if his shrink fell asleep during a session. Richard said that she did doze off. Richard told Howard that story and said that she was snoring. He had to shake her by the shoulders to wake her up. Richard said she told him that she had heard that shit for 16 years and that's what put her to sleep. He said he was done with her after that.
Howard wrapped up with Richard and gave him some more plugs. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Ben Stiller is coming in and he has a new movie coming out called ''Greenberg.'' He said it sounds good to him too. Ben came in and Howard told him about what he was reading about the movie. Ben explained what the movie was about. Ben said that it was about this guy who is 41 and he's never made much of his life so he's house sitting for his brother. He had just spent some time in a psychiatric hospital. He had a band in his past and it didn't really go anywhere. Ben said that the guy didn't have anything happening for him. He said the movie is a comedy but it's like a real people kind of movie.
Howard asked Ben how he holds his marriage together when he's working with hot chicks. Ben said it takes work.
Howard said that Ben has been in some really big movies. He said that he must get spooked in a way when he does a movie like this. Ben said he loves the movies that the director, Noah Baumbach, has done. He said he was looking forward to doing this one.
Ben said he's not getting paid much on this movie. He said he wanted to work with Noah and that's why he did it. He said if it does well then they're going to get paid well. He said it's not that kind of movie though. He said that it will never be in a lot of theaters. Robin asked Ben if he did this movie to get an Oscar. Ben joked that ''Night at the Museum'' was for that.
Howard asked Ben if he thinks that people like Jim Carrey should stick to doing comedies like ''Ace Ventura.'' Ben said maybe he wants to do interesting stuff and he's done with that.
Howard said Ben was on the Oscar's and came out dressed in blue as one of the Navi from Avatar. He said that Ben is still able to do that kind of stuff and he's not above it all. Howard said he likes that he does that and he's afraid that he'll lose that. He said some people lose that clown-like behavior. Ben said he does whatever he feels interested in doing.
Howard said that Ben could just stop doing stuff like that. Ben said it all depends on where he is in that moment. He said he thinks about it being funny and he's not thinking if he should be ''that guy'' or not. Howard asked Ben if he still has to prove to people that he's still funny. Ben said that everyone has insecurities. He said he doesn't analyze it that much.
Robin asked Ben what went on with the Oscar's and why Sacha Baron Cohen didn't do the bit with him. Ben said that Sacha just didn't do it and the producers didn't kill the bit. Howard said that he knows there's a story there and Ben just isn't telling it. Ben said that there were reasons for killing it but he wasn't sure what it was. He said they never decided on what they were going to do. They had a bunch of ideas and they just didn't go with it. He said that Sacha got married so maybe that had something to do with it. He said that he had a lot going on at the time. Howard asked if he thinks that Sacha got married and he's afraid to be seen in a certain light or something. Ben said he doesn't think that's it.
Howard asked Ben if he took time off from movies before shooting Greenberg so he could stop his addiction for work. Ben said he never said that. He said he just took some time off between movies. He said he was off for 5 months so he went to Nantucket and hung out with his family. He said he was with his wife and kids and his parents. He said his parents have a house there so they had a good time. Howard asked if it was really all great. Ben said they were there for a month and they had a good time.
Howard said he must have gone crazy after a few days being there. Ben said that it takes some time to slow down and get into it. He said you're just there in the same space and it's great. Howard asked what he did for the next 4 months. Ben said they went to Hawaii and spent some time there too. Ben said he just took some time off and had a vacation.
Howard said he read a story about himself being at Foxwoods and how he was going to be another judge on American Idol. He said that none of that was true. He said he read some stuff about Ben in the National Enquirer so he's not sure if it's true. He said that they claim that Ben was a terror to work with on the new Fockers movie. He said that he doesn't think that it's true because they say Ben is a vain guy and he was yelling at underlings. Ben said he's not sure if that's true or not. He said he doesn't think it is but he might have to ask someone he worked with.
Howard asked Ben if he's temperamental. Ben said he doesn't think he is. Howard heard that he dismissed a female director and refused to return until she was gone. Ben said that wasn't true. He said they did change an assistant director. He said that he didn't flip out on her and he didn't have a problem with her. He said he thought she was great. There was a change that happened though.
Ben said he doesn't read that stuff in the tabloids. He said that when he does it's because people showed it to him. Ben said he doesn't really go looking for it. Howard figured that would be part of his shtick to read that kind of stuff.
Robin asked if he worked with Dustin Hoffman in the new Fockers movie. Ben said he's not in this one. Howard asked if he had him fired too. Ben jokingly said ''Dustin who?''
Howard asked Ben why he went to Africa. Ben said he went last year too. He said that he went to Uganda. Howard said they have cannibalism down there. Ben said that's not true. they do have some questionable laws about homosexuality down there though. Ben said he went down for a Save the Children charity. Howard asked if it was a fact finding mission.
Ben said that he did see a cow being slaughtered down there. Ben said he went to Lagos, Nigeria this year for a movie he might be directing. Ben said he hurt his knee down there and he may have Lyme disease. He said he was joking about that on Letterman and the Lyme disease people got upset with him about that.
Howard told the Howard TV guys to show Ben the food that Robin had down in Guatemala. Howard said it looked like a bowl of diarrhea to him. Ben said it looked like a Hungry Man meal to him. Ben said that's the good thing about going to those places. It reminds you of how good we have it here.
Howard asked if there were a lot of black people in Africa. Ben said that there are and you feel extremely white down there. Ben said that you're like an oddity when you go to a place like Lagos, Nigeria. Ben said he's been to a lot of interesting places and you see how people are and it changes your perspective on life.
Howard told Ben about what he was saying about Gabby Sidibe and how he was just pointing out that Hollywood doesn't hire people who are fat. Ben said he may be on to something there.
Howard asked Ben about the movie and if he thinks he gets the respect he deserves. Ben said he doesn't think about that. He said he thinks he has to be grateful for what he has. Howard asked what kind of money he's made doing the movies he's done. He had a huge list of the stuff Ben had been in. Ben said he doesn't think about that kind of thing.
Howard gave Ben some plugs for ''Greenberg'' and asked why they're only opening in select theaters. Ben said they call it platforming and he thinks the movie is really good. Howard asked why it's not in 3D. Ben said he hopes he never does a 3D movie. Howard said they're all about making 3D stuff and it's too much. Ben said that they have stories in the NY Times about the catholic priests and you don't want to see that stuff in 3D.
Gary said that Ben's movies have grossed somewhere around 3.5 billion dollars. Howard said that's wild. He heard that he was going out to look at a $15 million apartment there in the city. Ben asked where he reads this stuff.
Howard asked Ben if he would ever make a 3D movie. Ben said he would do an animated thing like that but not a live action movie. He said he likes movies shot on good old film and not digitally. He said he doesn't want everything to go 3D. Howard asked if he saw Avatar. Ben said he did see it and he liked it.
Howard gave Ben some more plugs for ''Greenberg'' and explained the movie again. Ben said it's kind of a romantic story and he has love scenes with the other girl. He said they're awkward though. Howard asked if he gets boners in those scenes. Ben said that he doesn't. Howard said he did a scene with a naked chick in a tub and he got a boner. Ben said he's very self conscious and he doesn't get one.
Howard asked Ben if he kind of has to fall in love with the co-star so it makes it real. Ben said you do but you also have to know the boundaries.
Howard said Ben's wife is an actress too so she must fall in love with her co-stars too. Ben said they don't talk about that when they come home from work. Howard said it must affect Ben in some way. He said that he must think about how he could have other chicks. Ben said that he is a man and the reality is that it's a movie set and they're there to do a job. He said they create the atmosphere there for the moment.
Ben said that people do get together after doing a movie but it never works out. They're all caught up in the moment on set. Howard asked if the chick was topless. Ben said she wasn't topless and the love scenes are very awkward. Howard asked Ben where he finished. Ben laughed and said the film was shot in Los Angeles.
Howard asked Ben if his sex life is good. Ben said it is good. He said that every marriage is cyclical though. He said that they've been married for 10 years now and things are good.
Robin asked Ben and Howard about the dinner they went on. They never got together after that. Howard said that Ben wrote him an email the other day and said that he thought Howard was nuts because he'd go out to dinner with him anytime. Ben said he's not a socializer and he doesn't even see his friends that often.
Gary came in with a picture of the girl Ben was in the movie with. Howard said she was naked in the pictures. Ben wouldn't even look. Ben said she's a great writer and director. Howard said she's got some rack.
Ben said that he heard about Howard talking about their dinner and he had to reach out and tell him that he liked going out to dinner. Howard said he thinks that it's not that exciting going out to dinner with him. He said it was probably too much work. Ben said that it's work when you first meet someone but it gets easier. Howard told Ben he had just used him as an example. Ben said that Howard wrote him aback and said something about how word travels fast. Ben said that he's Howard Stern so of course word travels fast.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked if Carol Leifer wrote his stuff for the Oscar's. Ben said she was one of the writers and she's a great comedian.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Ben about Tropical Thunder and if Robert Downey Jr. is as whacked out as he appears to be. Ben said he's a genius actor and he might not appear to be on the same level as everyone else. He said he went out to dinner with him before the movie and he's at a different level. Howard said the guy is so good that they had to have him back in the movies even after all of his drug issues. Howard said he was more of a pain in the ass than Elliot Gould was. Howard said that guy got crazy too. He said he wasn't into drugs but he was driving people nuts on movies and stuff.
Howard took a call from Eddie the Produce guy who asked if Zoolander was banned in Asia. Ben said it was. Howard said he loved Zoolander and he wondered if they were going to make a sequel. Ben said that they are thinking about it. He said the studio wants to do another one.
Eddie also asked if he was looking forward to working with Tom Cruise. Ben said he is looking forward to that. They're trying to work some things out for that. Howard asked if Tom is pushing Scientology on him. Ben said he isn't doing that at all. Howard asked if Tom is more fun than him at dinner. Ben said that he is kind of intimidated trying to figure out what his personal relationship is.
Howard said he figures it would be harder to speak to Tom Cruise than to him. Ben asked Howard if he had ever been out with him. Howard asked if he was kidding. Robin asked if his kids get to play with Tom's kids. Ben said that they do get to play.
Eddie asked if Ben would work with Howard. Ben said he would love to work with Howard. Howard said he's too expensive to work with. Howard said he doesn't want to play Howard Stern. He wants to play a villain or something. Ben said he really liked Private Parts. He asked why he didn't do anything after that. Howard said he didn't think he'd come off well in the scripts he read. He said that he couldn't afford to do a shitty movie. Ben said he gets that. He said he was good in Private Parts though. He asked about Fartman. Howard said that may have been too far out there. He said J.F. Laughton wrote it and it was really well written but people wouldn't have gotten it. Howard said he might have to be in Zoolander 2. He said that he could be Ben's gay lover. Ben said that's fine as long as he doesn't get a boner.
Howard read that Shia LaBeouf is going to be in the sequel to Wall Street and now he's giving stock tips to people. Howard said he read that in the National Enquirer. Howard said some people get carried away with their roles. He said Tom Cruise thought he was a World War II hero for years.
Ben plugged this Night of 140 Tweets that he's doing with some other people. This comedian came up with the idea. He said he's helping to raise money for Haiti and he's going to be going down there. Howard said he's got to be insane. He said he must be miserable. Gary said Ben was doing work down there before the earthquake. Howard said he would never go there. He said he'll donate but he's never going there.
Ben said that they're raising money for this charity down there and they're doing this night of 140 Tweets where 150-160 people got up and read their favorite tweets. It was one after the other of just people reading their favorite tweets.
Ben thanked Howard for letting him do that. He said that he hopes to be able to raise money for the charity. Ben talked about what they're trying to do down there and how tough they have it.
Howard said he hopes that black people know that Ben is a great, white savior. Ben said it's not about that. He said that Howard could be the same thing. Howard said that Ben is better to black people than black people are. He's like Tarzan. He said he should learn to do the Tarzan call. Fred threw in a Tarzan audio clip. Ben said it would probably be more like ''Oy oyy oyyyyyy.''
Ben told Howard he should go to Haiti. Howard said that will never happen. He doesn't even like leaving New York. Howard said he wanted to head for the hills after seeing Robin's pictures from Guatemala. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Mike Walker on the phone to play his game. Howard said that Mike is at war with Alec Baldwin. Mike said he's not even sure why. Mike told Howard about how they had asked Alec about Mike Walker and Alec called him a goat footed queen and a wheezing whore. Howard said that Mike is with women so he's not a queen.
Mike said that he wrote about the item and that led to Richard Johnson picking up on the story and asking Alec about the war. Richard claims that Alec was upset about him writing that he had written about him yelling at Tina Fey on the set of 30 Rock. Mike said the whole thing was silly and it was blown out of proportion.
Mike said that he told Alec that he can call Mike a homophobe for calling him a queen. Howard said that it's best that Alec not start in with Mike. He could go after him pretty hard. Mike said that he thinks that Alec was trying to say that he was ''cloven hooved'' instead of goat footed.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard asked Mike if he knew about this Jesse James and Sandra Bullock thing. Mike said that they did know but something else triggered it. Mike said that it wasn't something to write about until this skank came forward. He said that she's doing it for herself. Mike said he's known about this for a while now but just casually. Mike said that they have some details about that in this week's Enquirer. He said they found that he may have been with 11 other women so they do know what's going on.
Howard said he heard that Jesse was putting ads on the internet trolling for women. Mike said that they did not know he was being that outrageous. mike said that they have a story about one woman who went to apply for a job with Jesse and he told her to give him a blow job. Howard let Mike go a short time later.
Howard said he would watch anything from Guatemala. He said that you have to go on Howard TV and watch the video she got down there. Robin said they could probably make a killing doing that. She said they have Jay Thomas' ghost stories and That Metal Show on down there now. Robin said they just put subtitles under That Metal Show.
Howard said he heard that Robin said that she was embarrassed to tell that Master Sergeant Robert Pittman that she was on the Howard Stern Show. Robin said that she didn't want it to become an issue. Robin said she didn't even tell him that she was in the air force. Robin said she didn't like being in the military at all.
Howard asked Robin if she thought the guy was going to change his seat if she had told him where she worked. Robin said that has happened to her before. She said she was shaking the hand of a woman one time and the woman didn't know where she was from. Robin said she told her she was on the Howard Stern Show and she pulled her hand away and walked away.
Howard said Robin could have just told the guy that she was the host of ''Meal or No Meal'' in Guatemala. Howard said that would be a hit too. He said it would be so funny to see people who haven't eaten for weeks trying to get food.
Steve got back to his news preview and said that Robin is going to be doing a show on Monday night on Howard 101. She'll be sitting down with him to talk about her charity and more. Howard said they should have the whole news department there to fire off questions to her.
Steve said that High Pitch Eric apologized to Bob Levy on Miserable Men the other night and Bob accepted. Steve said that Shuli blasted Eric saying that he can never be trusted.
Steve said they have stories about Jeff the Drunk growing a Hitler moustache trying to get back on the show. He also said that Scott the Engineer almost had a perfect game the other night. He bowled 11 strikes in a row. Scott came in and said he bowled a 298. Scott said that he did perfect until the last frame. He choked. Scott told the guys that the way they oil the lanes for the pros can make it really tough to play for regular people. He said that it all depends on the way the lanes are set up at the time.
Steve said that Tim Stack is on tonight doing his show at Midnight on Howard 101. Jon Hein came in after that and ran down his list of subjects for the Wrap Up Show.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone to preview what they had coming up tonight. Mutt said they'll be talking about Robin's charity and all of the other stuff she's up to. Mutt said they'll also be talking about Howard getting annoyed with Gary and Mike Gange. Howard said that Ralph had called the Wrap Up Show yesterday and he thinks that he doesn't like Gange. He said he does like Gange. He said he wouldn't be working there if he didn't like him.
Mutt said they're going to ask the fans if they think that Howard is getting annoyed over nothing or if there is something that really annoys Howard. Mutt said that he can see what Howard gets upset about and he'll ask the fans what they think about that. They'll also talk about the Sal and Richard pranks that Howard has been playing lately. Superfan Roundtable is on Howard 101 tonight at 7.
Howard said he thinks that someone will make a 14 Foundation web site and it'll be filled with porn. Howard said he couldn't get that web site if he tried.
Robin started her news with a story about Ann Coulter being prevented from giving a speech at Ottawa University. She had to leave because of the protesters who were protesting her and she had a tough time getting into the school.
Robin read about how people are being dumped and fired on Facebook. Robin read about a 16 year old who was fired via a Facebook message.
JD came in and said that Ann Coulter spoke at some place in Canada and she was confronted about some of the statements she made about people who wear turbans and Ann told her to get on her camel and go away. Howard said that's kind of funny. JD said it's not. He said she's very hateful. Howard said she's an asshole but who cares? He said the thing is to just not go to her speech and not even bother protesting. Howard said that she called the 9/11 widows ''crybabies and gold diggers.'' He said that's not cool.
Robin read some news about a Chinese boy who had 16 fingers and toes. He just had a bunch of them removed. Howard said a person came in there to show him the picture and the person was giggling. Howard said he won't say who that was. Howard said Robin would be upset and she would never be friends with that person. Howard said the picture was wild though. Robin said it kind of freaks you out when you see the pictures. Howard said that it would help in math class. He said he used his fingers and toes. He said he could count the miles to the sun with that many toes and fingers.
Howard said that kid could have been some guitar player. He could play two at a time with that many fingers and toes. Howard said that Ben Stiller could make a movie about this. He said the kid could end up losing all of his fingers in an accident and if they hadn't taken them off he would still have fingers. He said that could be the premise of a movie. He said he owns the rights to that idea though.
Robin read that the Pope may have covered up some sexual abuse cases. Robin said they are saying that they may have covered up a case where a priest molested 200 deaf boys. Howard did his Pope impression and a deaf boy having a conversation. Robin read some details of that case as Howard was doing his impressions.
Robin read a story about how PETA wants to help Octomom pay for her house if she puts an ad in front of her house.
Howard said earlier in the morning they played that Pete the Asian Virgin game and he never gave the answer to the song out. He played it and found out the song was ''Piano Man'' by Billy Joel. Howard said that was easy. They should have been able to get that one.
Robin read a story about one of the guys from KC and the Sunshine Band getting arrested. That led to Howard playing a clip of KC bad mouthing him on a news program. Howard said that's fine if he doesn't like him. Howard wondered if that guy is still making money off the songs he had that were hits. Howard said he thinks he'd rather be him than KC. Howard played some of his songs. Howard said that's the kind of crap that was swimming around in his head. John Lennon had Imagine and he had ''Get Down Tonight'' in his head. Howard played one bad song after another. Howard said he knew a priest who jerked deaf kids off to this music.
Robin read a story about how the health care bill is going to affect some chain restaurants. They'll have to post nutrition information about all of their meals if they have 20 or more chain stores. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Ralph called in to correct Howard on what he said about him and Gange earlier. Ralph said he prefaced what he said yesterday saying that he didn't have any inside information. He said that's just the impression he got from listening the show for 20 plus years.
Howard said that Ralph was rejected by a priest. He got back into that priest voice and goofed on Ralph a little bit in that.
Robin read a story about childhood obesity and some of the causes of that. Ralph called back in during that and Howard was goofing on him about the priest thing. Howard was creating the scene where Ralph was rejected by the priest. Ralph said he has to clear up something else now. He said that he was the one who rejected the priest. He said the guy kept asking him to get into bed with him and he was the one who turned it down. It wasn't the other way around.
Robin got back to her news and read more about childhood obesity and what can be done about that. Robin said they're also talking about the toys they put in child meals at restaurants. There's someone who wants to ban them from putting toys in meals like that.
Robin read some news about Robert Culp dying. She said that he was 79 years old. Howard said he was a cool guy. He liked watching him. Robin said he fell outside of his home and died the next day. Robin said he hit his head and died. Howard said that's probably the way to go. He didn't have a long illness.
Robin read about the guy Puck who was on The Real World TV show. Howard said he liked him. Robin said that he is unable to speak and is in the hospital after getting into an accident. She said that his 8 year old son was in the car as well. She said that he may have swerved to avoid hitting a deer.
Robin read that Kelly Osbourne was on Dr. Phil's show the other day. At first Robin was saying Phil Donahue's show so Howard had to correct her on that. Robin said that Kelly is joining Dr. Phil's show as a contributor. Robin had some audio of Kelly talking about how she was taking 50 Vikodin a day for a while. Her stomach was being eaten away by that though so she switched to Oxycontin instead.
During that story they mentioned Corey Haim's death so Howard read a story about Corey Feldman getting a tattoo just like Haim had. Howard said he though that Feldman hated Haim toward the end. Robin said that people are easier to deal with when they're dead. Howard read that Corey put the number 222 next to this hot air balloon he has on his arm. Howard said that Corey is everywhere and he's reading more about him than that guy's mother. Howard said they may have to get him on the show.
Robin read that Kim Kardashian and Reggie Miller are done. She said that they have broken up as of a few days ago. They have agreed not to discuss why in public.
Robin said that Donny Osmond is speaking out about the new Lady Gaga video. Howard said he heard it was kind of sexy but he watched it and it wasn't very sexy at all. Robin said that Donny has a new radio program and he's been lashing out at the music industry on that show. Gary said the video wasn't very sexy and it was like 9 minutes long. He said there wasn't much in it to get upset over. Howard said he didn't see anything graphic in it. Gary said he thought it was like a PG-13 kind of video.
Robin read a story about Kelly Preston being in a new movie. She said that she's in that with Miley Cyrus. Howard said he was involved a lot with Miley while watching American Idol. He said he kind of likes her. He said he's captivated with her and he's not even sure why.
Robin had some audio of Kelly Preston talking about working with Miley Cyrus and how talented she is. Robin had some other audio clips of actors talking about their movies. They goofed on Lou Gosset Jr. when he was talking about something he was involved with.
Robin had some audio of Kelly Ripa talking about working on The Marriage Ref. Howard played those and let them play through.
Robin said that Justin Bieber's manager turned himself in for something he had done over his Twitter account last year. He had posted that Justin was going to be appearing at a mall and tons of kids showed up but the event had been canceled and he refused to follow what the cops had told him to do.
Robin read that Dwight Gooden was arrested for driving under the influence. She said he had his kid in the car at the time. Robin said he was supposed to be trying to get a job with the Mets this year but that may not happen. Howard ended the show after that. It was about 11:05am.
Gary said the bathroom list is about the guests first. He said then he has the staff that have to get in there. He said that if he has to leave the compound to go to the bathroom then they're not able to hear the show.
Jon said that there are some people who think they should be in. Gary said that Ross is one. He said Scott Greenstein is off the list and he may be unaware that his card won't work. He told Tim Sabean to talk to Scott about that.
Gary said Jason told him about what Ross was saying about how they can't just take it away from him after using it for 4 years. Gary said that Ross probably shouldn't have been using it for the past 4 years. Gary said that he's going to take away people's access if they sneak people into the bathroom too.
Sal came in so Jon asked him about that 93,000 mile mistake he made today. Gary asked him how far it was to fly to Italy when he flew there. Sal said that they show the mileage or make an announcement when you fly. Sal said that it must have been like 20,000 miles. Sal said that maybe Guatemala is much closer to them than he thought. Sal said that Japan must be 20,000 miles away.
Gary asked Sal if he knows what continent Guatemala is located. Sal said it was in the Dominican Republic. Gary said he can't be that wrong. Sal said he knew it was in South America. He said he's never been there so it's not fair to talk to him about that. He said he doesn't need to know that stuff.
Gary asked Sal if he realizes that he doesn't need to know what he doesn't know. Sal said he's not a pilot so he really doesn't need to know that information.
Jon said that he told Sal to check out a globe to find out the miles. Sal said he can't even look at a globe. He said you can't judge mileage based on that. Gary said you can tell by looking at a globe. Gary said he knows roughly how far New York to L.A. is and he can estimate. Benjy said that not all globes are going to be accurate.
Gary asked Sal if he knows what a scale is on a map. Sal said they're the measurements on the left side and bottom. Gary said on a map they have a scale like one inch equals 1 mile or something like that. He told Sal that he can estimate on that kind of a scale.
Gary was talking about Los Angeles and Sal thought it was near the north west corner of America. He said he thinks that California is like 2000 miles away. Jon asked Sal to look at a globe and show where Los Angeles was after showing where New York was. Sal found North America and South America. Gary said that Guatemala is actually in Central America. Sal had to look for that. He wasn't able to find it.
Gary had Sal find Central America with a little help. Then he showed Sal where Guatemala is. Sal saw that Mexico was near California like he had no idea.
Sal guessed that California was about 1800 miles from New York. He said that Guatemala was about 2000 so it was a little closer. Gary was telling Sal how to measure to figure it out and Sal didn't even know what a forefinger was. Sal still hadn't found Guatemala. Gary had him measure out but Sal was saying that Mexico was at the bottom when it should have been near California.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they should have Sal drive out to California and try to figure out how many miles it is. Gary said he'd love to drop Sal somewhere in the middle of the United States and see if he could get home.
Sal said he doesn't pay attention when he's driving so that would be trouble. Sal went on to say that he thinks that California is 1500 miles from New York. Gary asked why he was guessing less if it was further than Guatemala.
Jon asked Sal to look up from Guatemala and find California. Sal was having trouble finding it on the globe. Gary was asking Sal where it was on the map and he wasn't able to find it. Gary said that Sal is looking at the map of the United States and he has to be able to see where it is. Jon and Gary asked him where it was again and again and he finally found it on the west coast. Sal was still figuring out the miles from NY to L.A. He finally figured out that it was further than Guatemala.
Another caller told Sal that the miles Sal is thinking about is actually elevation in feet. He said they show you like 30,000 feet on the plane, not miles. Gary said that's another case of Sal not paying attention.
Sal explained how he got the 93,000 thing wrong today. He said that he thought it was 93 thousand but it was actually million to the sun and he didn't pay attention to that.
Sal said that he is very impatient and he rushes because he gets excited. He said he doesn't break things down and think about them. He said he retains as little as possible. He said that's why he shushed Gary away today.
Sal had also missed one of the 9 planets today. Sal said he got 7 out of 8 and the one planet wasn't even a planet anymore. Sal said that was Pluto. Sal said he's not a pilot so the mileage doesn't matter. He wanted to move on.
Jon said that he can see the glee in Sal's face when he hears his songs being played. Sal said it's always funny to break balls on the show. He said he likes Gary and he loves making fun of him. Sal said that he and Richard did the song together.
Gary said that stuff is harmless. He said he finds it funny that Sal still has HorseToothJackass.com and he hired that guy who created that whole thing. He said he winces when he hears him say that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wants to start a new thing by saying ''hello, hello'' like Gary does. Gary said that might be his first Ditto head. The caller said maybe they should drop Sal off in a mall and see if he can get around in there. No one was saying anything so Sal said ''Goodbye, goodbye.''
Shuli said that Lisa G had gotten Sal that globe and about 3 weeks after she gave it to him Sal threw it in the glom box. Lisa got upset about that.
Jon asked Sal if he knows about the equator and things like that. Sal did know about that and the northern and southern hemisphere. Jon asked if he knows what the Tropic of Cancer is. Sal said that must be where people go to die or something. They went to break a short time later.
Jon brought up how Howard was talking to him about sticking to the goofy roles unlike Jim Carrey. They talked about other guys who have stopped doing roles like that too. They talked about Tom Hanks for a minute. Jon said that Ben seems to have a good balance with the movies he does. Gary agreed.
Jon asked about the stuff Howard brought up about Ben being a pain in the ass on the set of a movie. Gary said he really isn't difficult when he's worked with him. He said that they interviewed him for a History of Howard Stern thing and he was very easy going with that.
Jon said that Ben was saying he never reads the tabloids and he wouldn't even look at the picture of the actress he had worked with. Gary said that she had taken her top off in a movie so it wasn't like they were pictures taken through a peep hole. Benjy said maybe he thinks of her in a sisterly type of way.
Gary said there used to be a magazine called Celebrity Sleuth and they would have nipple slips and stuff like that. He said that Robin was on the red carpet at an event one time and her dress was see through. Gary said he could totally see her boobs. They were all checking it out the day they saw it and they didn't avert their eyes like Ben did with that chick.
Jon asked what they think about what happened with Sacha Baron Cohen. Gary didn't think there was anything there but Jon did. Benjy said Ben did seem to have something but he's really not sure.
Jon said Howard asked Ben about hanging out with him and Tom Cruise and what the differences were. Howard thinks that he's not a fun guy to hang out with. Gary said that someone has to take the upper hand in the conversation so maybe Howard doesn't do that. Benjy said that Ben seems to be annoyed all the time and that's kind of the way Howard is on the air.
Gary and Jon talked about how Howard was saying he'd never go to Haiti. Jon asked Gary if he thinks they shipped Scott DePace to Haiti in a box and he saw what was going on down there, would it change him. Gary said it might. He said there are people who think that it's people's fault for what they do and don't have but he thinks that Scott might change if he saw it first hand.
Benjy said maybe they should send Scott to Chelsea in New York City. That's the gay part of the city. Gary said that Scott actually lived in the gay part of Los Angeles that they call Boys town. He didn't even know it at the time.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked about their vacation schedule change for Robin and if she thanked them for changing it. Gary said he didn't have any plans but that means that he doesn't get the vacation week that his kids have. He said Robin didn't thank them. Gary said he wasn't looking for a thank you though. He said she did ask if it was okay with everyone. Gary said everyone was fine with it so they changed it.
The caller said that she's not sure what she's going to do if Howard doesn't re-sign. Gary said ''YOU don't know?'' like he didn't know what he was going to do either.
The caller said that she really enjoys Howard's show and the Wrap Up Show. Benjy asked her how old she was. She said she just turned 50. She said she loves Benjy too. She said she loves his vortex. The woman said that she doesn't appear to be a fan but she tries to get people to listen and just give it a chance.
Gary said one guy told him that he wanted them to take even more vacation. He hasn't missed one minute of the show and he's been catching up on the shows he's recorded in the past. That's why he wants them to take more breaks so he can catch up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has a new name for Gary. He said he could be the King of all Restroom's. Gary said he wasn't looking to be that guy. He said he doesn't want to be the keeper of the gate. The caller said that he does get to be in charge of all of that though. Gary said he's not looking to be that guy in control like that to get his ass kissed to get in there. Gary said he has been testing the key card thing but it's not even working yet. He said he just likes to see the light turn green.
Jon asked Gary about Richard Lewis coming in today. Gary said that Richard was telling Howard during the break that he thinks about dying every day and he's been thinking about that since he turned 40. Jon said he had some good stories about hanging out with Larry David and getting blown off by him at a dinner he paid for. Gary had missed that story so Benjy had to fill him in. Benjy said it sounded just like something that would happen on ''Curb Your Enthusiasm.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Sal is scamming them about all of this stuff. Gary said that Sal isn't acting. He said it might sound that way but he's really not acting. Jon said as a fan he would have thought the same thing but he rides home with the guy all the time and it's not a put on. He said he really doesn't know this stuff and that's the truth. Gary said he said it earlier... ''Sal doesn't need to know what he doesn't know.''
The guys talked about Sal and how he has kids of his own and must have to help them with homework. Sal just doesn't know the stuff and it doesn't sink in.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked which of the guys would bang Robin if they had the chance to and no one would find out. Jon said he's not sure. Benjy said he would do it but he'd want everyone to find out. The caller had some other suggestions for having Robin narrow down what her boobs look like without actually showing her's. Gary said that they once did a thing on the channel 9 show where they did that and they had a woman who wasn't even black show her tits as if they were Robin's. Jon asked if she would show her breasts for charity. The guys weren't sure she would ever do that for any reason. They had to end the show after that.
Best of the Week was over around 11:50am.