|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show not knowing where to begin since he had so much to talk about. He complained about his headphones not giving him full sound. Scott the Engineer came rushing in to help but Howard figured it out before he even got in there.
Howard mentioned he saw some of the MTV Video Music Award pre-show last night. He said someone forwarded him an article about the good, bad and the ugly from the VMAs. Howard said he was part of the ''ugly.'' He said that's kind of cliché to say that. He did that show back in 1992 and they've been talking about that for like 20 years now. Howard tried to do the math to figure out exactly how many years it was. He did the math out loud and it was actually 17 years. Howard said he was off by 3 years.
Howard said he remembers it like it was yesterday being there at the MTV VMAs. Howard said it feels like 3 years ago to him but it's actually 17. He was there as Fartman back then. Howard said he hasn't donned that outfit since the movie. He said his cheeks are better now but not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Howard said he has dimples on his ass and it's not the ass of a guy who works out. Howard
Howard said that this article he was reading is kind of cliché to him because they keep talking about him every year. Howard read the article and they talk about his cottage cheese ass from that show. Howard said they shot that show out in L.A. and it was an L.A. crowd that loved what he did. He said they were on in L.A. at the time and he thinks it was a big hit.
Howard said the only people who didn't like it was Metallica. Howard said the crowd were paying attention to him and he stole their moment. Howard said he wasn't trying to but everyone was watching him.
Howard said he makes enough money that Beth doesn't have to work but she went off to do this show for a month. Howard said he's working on being miserable and missing Beth instead of getting upset about it. He said he's not going to go out and fuck someone else. Howard said he was thinking that something like that could happen. Howard said he usually blocks everything out and says that someone isn't so great and tries to move on. Now he's going to try and feel the pain.
Howard said Beth matters too much to him and he can't just do that. Howard said he's really into Beth. He watched the MTV awards until 10 last night and then went to bed. He said he was laying there and had to beat off to get to sleep. He didn't have any porn or anything so he had to figure out what to do. He said he didn't have any shades in the apartment so he just did it under the covers.
Howard said he was thinking about some other girls he banged and then about Beth. He said that he was rubbing that piece of meat like taffy and nothing was happening. He said it was stopping just as he thought he was going to finish. He said he yelled out that he couldn't even beat off.
Howard said he threw his tissues away and went to sleep without finishing. He said he doesn't even know how to do it anymore and Beth has ruined that for him. He said he wants to be with his wife and that's that. Robin said he's almost human now. Howard agreed.
Howard said he was laying there and he wasn't able to fall asleep. He said he had to try again to jerk off. He said he was pulling his taffy thinking about every chick he could think of. He said he pulled his underwear off and tried to feel sexy. He said he finally finished and he was able to go to sleep after that. Howard said he got rid of the evidence and went to sleep.
Howard said he's 55 years old and still doing that. He said he had to ask himself where his wife was. Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was pretending to be Beth. She said that she was with ''Leroy'' and he had music playing in the background. Howard said he had never heard of this Leroy so he must be one of the producers.
Howard took a call from Pete from Pittsburgh. He said that they want to know how it's going with her. He asked Howard what he's going to do if she comes back and says she had an affair. Howard said he would divorce her so fast that her head would snap. Howard said that's the ultimate betrayal for him. It would have to be over after that.
Pete said that Beth is vulnerable with her grandmother's recent passing. Howard said he doesn't think anything is going to happen.
Howard said he was all alone yesterday and he ran out of things to do. He said he started to play chess. He figured he could go down to the Marshall Chess club and play there instead. He said he wasn't going to sit home and close himself off. Howard said he called down there and found out a tournament was going on. He asked some guy if he could play someone down there and the guy told him to come down.
Howard said he ventured out and went to the chess club and got out of the house. He was going to walk around the city but figured that wouldn't turn out well.
Howard said he went to the chess club and played a couple of games. He said he and this guy had two draws so he's getting really good. Howard said the guy told him he's getting much better.
Howard said there was a 13 year old playing there and he asked to play the next game. He had a feeling the kid was good and asked him what his rating was. The kid said he didn't know but it turned out he was an 1800. Howard said it's in the high 1800s in the international chess federation. Howard said this kid is like a 2000 on the site where he plays. Howard said that the kid's father must have wanted a picture of him playing with him so that's what happened there. The kid beat him and barely spoke the whole time. Howard said the kid was a black kid. He said it was good that he got out of the house.
Howard said he tried to watch some movies On Demand. Every movie was worse than the next. Howard said he tried to watch some monster movies and action movies and they were all bad.
Howard said he saw Shakira in this new video and she looked really hot. He said that she was putting her one leg over her head and he was thinking about how he could bang her in that position.
Howard said some shit rubbed him the wrong way with the MTV awards. He said that the award they give out is the moon man and Buzz Aldrin was there announcing some of the names of the people who were on the red carpet. Howard said they take it for granted that the guy went to the moon. Howard said that's a wild thing and we don't think about how that was a crazy thing for someone to do. He said he felt sad watching the guy trying to read the names of the people coming out on the red carpet.
Howard said liked what Madonna was saying last night about Michael Jackson but she just annoys the shit out of him for some reason. Howard said that she also must be botoxed out of her skull. Robin said that she's not all wrinkled and she's older than Madonna is.
Howard said that they were talking about how we all abandoned Michael when he had some controversy in her life and he was thinking that it wasn't like that. He said that the guy was accused of molesting kids a few times.
Howard played some audio of Madonna talking about the ''witch hunt'' that was going on with Michael. She was also talking about him not having a childhood so Howard talked about how awful his was and how he could have done without it.
Howard played more of the Madonna speech and pointed out that people like Ron Howard didn't have a childhood and he turned out fine. Danny Bonaduce didn't have one either and look how he turned out. Howard said he wanted to tell Madonna to shut the fuck up. He said what she said wasn't all that horrible but they don't need her telling them the history of Michael Jackson.
Howard said that this Kanye West is a whacko. Howard said Taylor Swift won an award and she got up to make her acceptance speech for her award. She was talking about how great it was she won and this fuckin moron, Kanye West, got up on stage and grabbed the mic from her. He got up to say that Beyonce was better than her. Howard said he's a low class asshole. Howard read that he apologized to her over his Twitter account or something. He said that he was so low class though.
Robin said that Kanye has been that way before with awards for himself. She said that it's always stupid. Howard said it just fell flat when he got up to do that.
Howard said that this Taylor Swift looks like a little kid. Robin said that she is a kid. Howard played the audio where Kanye gets up on stage and tells her that Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time. The crowd then boos him. Howard said you don't even know who he is. He thought it was that guy Sixx running up there to do that.
Howard played some audio of P. Diddy mentioning Kanye's name and the crowd booing. Howard said that Beyonce brought Taylor Swift up on stage during her award acceptance speech. She wanted her to come out and have her moment. Howard said that was a classy move. He said it was disturbing what Kanye did to her. Taylor got to get in her thank-you speech after that. Howard said he heard that she went back stage and cried after Kanye did what he did.
Howard said Jack Black was funny on the show. He said he was dressed up as a muscle man and talking funny. Howard said he likes Russell Brand but he was just okay on the show. He said he liked him better than he did last year. Howard said he was funny at some points and not funny at other parts. He said that MTV is getting very professional these days and it's not like the old days.
Howard said that Katy Perry and Joe Perry were performing together. He said that they're not related but they had the two Perry's performing together. Howard said that this Lady Gaga was changing outfits the whole night and she was blocking out a lot of her face with the outfits. Howard said he'd like that trend to catch on so he can cover up his face.
Howard played some of the Russell Brand stuff. He explained what he was talking about in this one part about Lady Gaga. Howard had some audio of Lady Gaga accepting an award. She thanked some people and Howard said he felt good for her winning. Howard said she didn't have to use that American Idol platform to get famous.
Howard said that Green Day won an award so he played some of their speech. He played some of Pink's performance on the show.
Howard heard that this Janet Jackson had been rehearsing this big tribute to her brother. He said he had to tune in to see that. Howard said that he had to get to some stuff this morning and wasn't sure if he should play more or take a break. They had Shawn King coming in for her lie detector test. Ed Torian the Lie Detector Test guy was there but Shawn wasn't in yet. Artie did his impression of Ed for a couple of minutes.
Howard said Janet Jackson came out and did nothing. Howard said she danced with her brother on the screen and that was about it. She didn't sing or anything. He said the other dancers were dancing but she hardly did anything. Robin said she thought it was going to be a really big deal. Howard said he could have prepared that whole thing in a few days. He thinks that it may have been all hype.
Howard played some of the Pink performance and said that she got back together with her husband after coming out with all of those songs about him. JD told Howard that Pink was up on a rope and singing during that clip. He said it was very visual. JD said that the Green Day performance was probably the best.
Howard said that the Green Day guys don't like him anymore. Howard said the last time they were in he asked them to play an old song of theirs and they were offended by that. Howard said he didn't know that he was committing a faux pas by doing that.
Howard played some of the Green Day performance from the MTV VMAs. He asked JD if they were hanging from ropes too. He said maybe they could spin some plates and things like that.
Howard played Lady Gaga's performance and pointed out that she was playing her hit song at least. Howard only played about 10 seconds of that.
Howard said his cousin lived his life out of the closet from the age of about 13 on. Howard said if you think about it, that wasn't a regular thing. He said that this was back in the 50s. He said it was a hell and a nightmare for his cousin. Howard said his brothers had a hard time too because they had a gay brother. Howard said they had to stick up for him all the time. Howard said it was very hard and difficult for him to say the least.
Howard said the people in the family were accepting. He said that he was a very brave guy and he was willing to live his life. Howard said that this was the first gay marriage they had at this temple they were at this weekend. Howard said he never thought that his cousin would be able to get married. Howard said this was like history in the making.
Howard said it's still controversial but maybe in 20 years it will be a regular thing. Howard said that the guy who married Stacy is Catholic and he can't go and get married at a Catholic church. Howard said this relationship that Stacy and his man have is a great one. He said he was very moved by the whole thing. He said it was quite touching.
Howard said he likes everything to happen in one room but he had to travel for 20 minutes to get to this place to eat. Howard said they had to go to Darien, Connecticut. He said he had a big glass of Vodka and had some food. He said he danced with his daughter and danced with a robot. He said he thought it was a real robot and he was talking to it like it was real. He said it turns out there was a guy inside of it.
Howard said Beth went to the wedding but then she left him the next morning. Howard said he had to wonder what the fuck that was all about when she left him.
Artie said that back in the 50s there were like no people out of the closet so it's wild that his cousin was out. Howard said he was only 13 too. Artie said that any guy who was even effeminate in the 80s he felt bad for. He said that he wasn't the one picking on them though. He said Howard's cousin is a brave mother fucker to come out back then.
Gary said that Johnny Fratto told him he could get Frankie Valli for him but Eric thought that Sunny was more relevant.
Howard got Sunny on the phone and asked her if she would ever fuck Eric. She said that she didn't think that would happen, they're just good friends. Howard told Eric the bad news and Eric just said ''Ohhhh kay.''
Howard asked if Sunny has ever been on the show. She said that she has been on some stuff with him but not in the studio.
Howard asked Sunny if she would do Eric if he came to the Bunny Ranch where she works. She didn't say yes and thought about it for a minute. Eric said that she told him that she would ''party'' with him when he was there at the Bunny Ranch last. Howard said that it sounds like she's saying no and leading him on. Howard said that's a harsh ''no'' coming from a prostitute.
Howard asked Sunny if she has ever rejected someone before at the Bunny Ranch. She said that she has rejected some. Sunny said she's all about hygiene. She said that some guys might come in kind of dirty. Sunny said that she will throw people in a shower and they're ready to go.
Sunny said that Eric is sweet and nice. She said she'd like to ride with him on his wheel chair. She said that they've gotten very close. Howard said that poor Eric is getting the ''friend'' rap from a prostitute.
Howard said maybe Eric can work her more and work something out. Howard told Sunny that Eric could die soon. Eric said that he's not that sick. He said he has problems but they're minor. Howard told Eric that he's trying to help him by saying that. Eric then said that he was sick and he is dying. Eric said he's actually going to some doctor appointments this week to find out what's wrong with him.
Howard told Sunny that she should give him something. She said Eric gets to see her on her cam show every week. Howard said that's pretty lame to get in a plug like that.
Howard thanked Sunny for calling in and let her and Eric go a short time later. Eric said that she wanted to get in another plug though. She mentioned something she was up to where people could vote for her. Howard said he had to take a break after that. Robin said she feels bad for Eric because he's working in plugs for her and she's not going to do anything for him.
Howard said that Shawn King hadn't shown up yet and it wasn't looking good. They had a lot to get to today too. He said they have Rod Blagojevich coming in. Howard said that Rod swears he's innocent of the charges that were brought against him. He had Melrose Larry Green on the phone who was saying that he knows he's innocent and read the book ''The Governor'' and that helped him figure it out. Robin pointed out that's a book that was written by Rod. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he was going to go to Vegas to see Cheap Trick but he wasn't able to work out the dates that they're out there. Howard said he would have liked to have seen them but maybe they'll be in New York.
Howard said they had no word from Shawn King today. He said that they're unable to find her. He said they had the whole thing set up and now she's 30 minutes late. Robin wondered why she would agree to do it and then not show up.
John Boy asked Fred if he could do a sniff test and figured out the difference. Howard said that's ridiculous and they're not going to do that. Howard said he went to buy more of this stuff and it was all sold out. He figured it was from his plug for it. Fred said that they use the aluminum for clogging up your pores. He said he learned that many years ago. Howard said he's all paranoid about the aluminum stuff so he's glad he stopped that.
Speech Impediment Man called in and asked if he thinks that Superman can have a kid with a mortal woman. Howard said he can. He said that he doesn't understand that but he must be able to be gentle with a woman. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said that this guy Wolfie went out and interviewed some people about the Jay Leno show. Howard played Wolfie's interviews and a guy was saying he thinks that Jay is great but he'll be watching Monday Night Football instead of Jay's show.
Another person said that football comes first. The guy was also saying that John Melendez was taken off of the show because he wasn't doing too good.
Howard said that when they ask these people if they'd rather watch Jay or something else, they pick the other shows. He said that's the problem with Jay being on at 10.
Howard played some more interviews that Wolfie got with some various people. Some people were saying that they're not going to watch it at all. One guy said that he'd have to put on an Eagles uniform for him to watch. Another person thought that it wasn't a significant thing for him to be back on TV. One guy even said he'd rather watch Arsenio Hall over Jay Leno.
Gary said he read an article where they say that a 1.5 rating would be good for Jay's show. Howard said that's a disaster if he gets ratings that low. Cable channels get 1.5 ratings.
Howard said he knows Carol Leifer and she was saying that there is no way that Ralph banged them. Howard said he wrote her back and told her it was true.
Gary said he had Mr. Dustin Hoffman on the phone. He said that he may be a winner for the Out Produce Gary contest.
Howard picked up and it was definitely Dustin. Howard said that he has met Dustin and he's a real actor. Howard said he becomes the character. Robin said that in Tootsie you forgot that he was a guy. Howard said that Dustin met him and his wife and he thinks that he forgot who he was talking to.
Howard asked Dustin who got him to call in. Dustin said it was a friend of his by the name of Adam Fox. Dustin said he was in New York and getting ready to go back up to Canada to finish a movie.
Howard asked Dustin if he's married. Dustin said that he is and he has some kids. He also mentioned that he was on a recumbent bike and working out this morning.
Howard asked Dustin if he's still friendly with Bobby Duvall. Dustin said that they are still friendly. Howard said that he was actually roommates with him and Gene Hackman. Dustin said he thinks that Gene is writing a book now.
Howard said they must have gotten laid around the clock back in the day. He asked Dustin if they were swapping women and things like that. Dustin said that they were unemployed back then so they weren't getting laid. He said they were thinking about it all day long though.
Howard asked Dustin about his early days in the business and if success ruined his first marriage. Dustin said that they weren't meant for each other and things just didn't work out. Dustin said that it was a volatile combination with him being an actor and her being a dancer.
Howard asked Dustin if he's had sex with a lot of famous people. Dustin said that he couldn't tell him who he had been with. Howard asked if there were on set romances. He said ''sure'' but he wasn't saying who they were.
Howard said that it has to be an amazing life to be Dustin Hoffman. He said that when Lily Tomlin had a meltdown on the set of a movie and he had to calm her down, it must have been wild. He said that he took both sides in that argument. He said that fight was over artistic principles.
Howard said Dustin is one of the best actors out there and he must want to pull the hair out of his head when he works with people like that. He didn't seem to have a problem with it.
Howard asked Dustin if he thinks that his best role was Rain Man or Tootsie. Dustin wasn't sure. He said that he has done great with a lot of those characters and he really likes them.
Howard asked Dustin if he has ever turned down roles that he's regretted. Dustin said there isn't just one. He said that there have been a few times that he's turned down roles that he regrets. He said that he has turned down roles to work with Felini. He said that he'd work with him in a second now. He said he also turned down the chance to work with Ingmar Bergman. Dustin said that Steven Spielberg is a friend and he has turned him down four times too. He turned down Shindler's List and some other stuff. Artie asked if it was the Ben Kingsly role. He said that's what it was.
Howard asked Dustin if he's going to therapy. Dustin said he is and he goes once a week. Howard said he's in there 3 times a week for 45 minutes a session. Dustin said he does 2 hours in one session. Howard asked if he has cried in therapy. Dustin said that he has. Howard said he has too.
Howard thanked Dustin for calling in. He said that he hopes to meet Howard some day and sit down to talk therapists. Howard said he'd be afraid that he'd be boring and a dud to him. He said he would like to get together with him some day though.
Dustin said he remembers the first time he heard Howard's name back in 1987 and Barry Levinson was telling him about how great the show was. He said that he didn't know him before that but that was the time he heard. Howard said he almost did a film with Barry. Howard said he's a really good guy but he wasn't able to do it because he was making his move to satellite radio.
Howard asked Dustin if he had seen his movie. Dustin said he hadn't seen it but he will see it. Howard said that this guy is the real deal right there. Howard asked him when he got the bug for acting. He said he was told to try it in college so he did it to get some credits. He said he was able to concentrate on it and it worked out for him. He said that he didn't do ''The Graduate'' until he was 30 though.
Howard asked Dustin if he thinks about what life would have been like if he hadn't gotten ''The Graduate.'' He said that Anne Bancroft was only 35 and she was playing Mrs. Robinson in that movie. There was only a 5 year age difference there. Howard sounded surprised by that.
Dustin told Howard that he went to an all girls college out on Long Island and he met the acting teachers there. He said that they were walking around in sandals with girls following them around. He said it wouldn't be a bad second death. He said that's how they met beautiful girls back in those days.
Robin asked who hit first, Dustin or Bobby Duvall. Dustin said that Bob was the one who got noticed but then Gene Hackman was the first to get a big role on Broadway.
Howard asked Dustin if he did a lot of drugs back in the day. Dustin said he never did. He said that it was mostly the musicians who were into drugs so he was saved from that. He didn't even drank that much.
Howard asked Dustin where his money is going if he wins. If he does win, he gets $5,000 to his favorite charity and the person who got him to call in gets $5,000. Dustin said that it will go to Mother Theresa. Artie told him that he's probably the winner unless Elliot Spitzer's whore calls in. Dustin said he's on Elliot Spitzer's side in that whole thing. They spent a minute talking about that.
Howard was about to wrap up but Dustin said he wanted to take Serena Williams side too. Robin explained to Howard what was going on there. She gave Howard the details of the match and how she lost by one point because she went off on one of the judges. Robin said that she has been fined and they may have to take further steps in that whole thing. Howard said he was at the chess club at the time so he missed it.
Howard told Dustin that he was probably the winner today. Dustin told him that he can call him ''Dust bone'' which is what Bobby Duvall used to call him. Howard called him that a couple of times but had to let him go a short time later. Howard said that he was very behind now with the show today. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that he had Rod Blagojevich coming in. He said that Rod has a book coming out called ''The Governor.''
Howard asked Rod who was attacking him out in the hall there. He said it was actually Ed Torian. Rod told Howard that he thinks that he hasn't done any wrong. Howard asked if they call him governor. Rod said he can call him that or Rod if he wants.
Howard asked Rod where he grew up and if he was middle class or what. Rod told Howard where he grew up and how he was in a lower middle class. He said that his father worked in a steel factory. He said his mom worked too. Rod told Howard he went to college and law school out in California. He said that he was a C scholar and he didn't pass the BAR exam the first time. He said he did pass it the second time.
Howard asked if he was a ladies man in college. Rod said he's not sure if he should acknowledge that. Rod told Howard that he tried smoking pot once or twice but he wasn't into it so he didn't do it anymore.
Howard asked Rod if he was a virgin in college. He said that anything he says here could be brought up in court when he goes. Howard said that they'll all want to know who he banged.
Rod said that he dated the captain of the cheerleader's in high school. He said that he was madly in love with her at the time and she was just his girlfriend. He said that he wasn't going to say they had sex. Howard asked Rod about his wife now and how old he was when she met her. He said he was 31 when he met her in 1988. He was a prosecutor at the time. Howard said he saw her on ''I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here'' and she was hot.
Robin said that Rod's wife turned against her own family to be on Rod's side. Rod said that he had a good relationship with her father but he got angry with him for shutting down a landfill he was party of. He said that they have a very complicated relationship. He said it's very complicated but they still talk and spent time around Christmas together. Howard said it must make him crazy to have his father in law talking about him the way he does in public. Rod said that he got angry and made some accusations that were wrong. He said that he retracted them but that unleashed the furies.
Howard asked Rod why he would go after his father in law with the landfill. Rod said that's the kind of stuff he talks about in his book. He said that his wife was caught in the middle of the whole thing and she stuck with him. He said that he knows he did right and they went back and fixed the problem. Rod said that the thing that was left behind were the accusations that his father in law made.
Howard asked Rod if he ever thought about what happened with the whole senate seat thing that happened with Barack Obama. Rod said that he thinks that he will be vindicated and he is pretty confident of that. He said he hopes that all of the tapes are heard in court.
Rod told Howard about how he got arrested for what was going on and he thinks that the prosecutor mutilated the truth in that whole thing.
Rod said that he never thought about selling that senate seat for money. He said that's the one thing he can say in this case. He said he can't talk that much about what else is going on there.
Howard asked Rod if he would commit suicide if he found out that he had to go to prison for 20 years. Rod said a friend of his just killed himself because they were trying to talk him into lying about him. He said that the sentence he was getting was 8 years and maybe they threatened him with more. He said that guy left behind 3 girls when he took his life.
Howard asked Rod if he has to talk to a shrink about this stuff. rod said that he wrote this book and he's talking to Howard about this. Rod said that this stuff isn't the kind of stuff that should happen in America. He said that he is lucky that he was able to write the book though.
Rod said that he has a 6 year old and a 13 year old daughter and he wonders if he's going to see them next year. He said he was thinking about that at his 6 year old's graduation while his wife was away.
Howard asked Rod if he's near bankruptcy because of this. Rod said that he's not but his position was hijacked and he actually turned down the offer to be paid during this court case. He said his wife had a one year contract with a homeless charity and they breached that contract. They were down to no income for a little while. Howard asked if his personal friends left him and said they didn't want to know him anymore. Rod said that they were able to get an income back and he was thinking about doing that ''I'm a Celebrity'' show. Howard asked how much they were going to pay him. Rod said he couldn't say. Howard guessed it was like $100,000. Rod said that was an interesting number.
Robin asked who would want to frame Rod and why he thinks that he's being framed. Rod said that it's a complicated thing and he has a very strong opinion on that but he doesn't think he should say it right now. He said that he thinks that one thing led to another and that was why it turned into as big of a thing as it did.
Howard asked Rod if he still has his house and all of that. Rod said that they were able to recover quickly. He said that he was never a millionaire but he was doing well. He said that these political opportunities came around and he had to give up the law practice. He said that his income took a hit around that time. Then the scandal happened and the whole financial thing turned into a nightmare. Rod said that his wife went and did that ''I'm a Celebrity'' show and it was painful to watch for him. He said it was good for her though. Rod said that he got close to a few people on the show.
Rod asked if it was okay to curse on this show. Howard said it was but Rod said it was too early to use those words for him. Howard asked him if he thinks he's a fun guy and likes to curse and things like that. Rod said ''Fuckin right.''
Howard gave Rod some plugs for his book ''The Governor'' which is out now. Rod thanked the publisher who actually just passed away. Rod said he wrote the whole book himself and used 6 boxes of Crayons to do that.
Howard asked Rod when the trial is supposed to happen. He said it won't be until June of next year. Howard asked why they're delaying it that long. Rod said that they have like 3 million documents to review and that might have to do with wearing down the lawyers and finances. He said that the tapes tell the big story though. He said that his lawyers should be able to get him off.
Howard asked Rod if he's been offered a deal. Rod said that he wouldn't take a deal because he is innocent. He said he has done nothing wrong. He said he's fighting for his kids reputation and his parent's reputation in this whole thing. Rod said that they are honest people and that's what he's fighting for in this case.
Rod said that he has pushed for so many positive things while he was in office. Howard told him that Robin had just found out she's a G-cup because Rod was talking about how he had pushed for mammograms and pap smears for women.
Howard said this was some story he was telling. Robin said she was wondering about how Rod dealt with things in office when this was first going on. Rod said that he knows what the truth is and he would have resigned if he had done what they accused him of. He said they wanted him out for political reasons and the democrats fought him on this whole thing. Rod said before all of this came down they didn't want him to pick an African American for the senate seat. He said that he wanted to pick an African American to replace Obama but the guy he wanted in there wasn't going to get the acceptance.
Howard said it must be rough for Rod in this whole thing. He heard that he got an offer to appear at the Bunny Ranch. Rod said he did get that offer but he respectfully declined it. That's the kind of stuff that was coming in when this all first went down. He was going to judge a contest or something there.
Rod said that he met that guy, Dennis Hof, a few months later and he told Dennis that they're that far off in the fields that they work in. Rod said that wasn't his scene though so he didn't do that. Howard said Rod was asked to drive a race car and play minor league baseball too.
Howard asked Rod about his sister being there with him. Rod said his sister is gay and she's a big fan of Howard's because of his views on gay marriage and things like that. Howard asked why he doesn't support gay marriage. Rod said that Illinois isn't in quite the same place as other states might be but they're heading in that direction.
Howard said he has learned a bunch of things about Rod today. He asked him about the captain of the cheerleader squad and how that ended. Rod said he got a Dear John letter from her when he went off to college.
Howard asked Rod if he ever looks up the old girlfriend to see what she looks like now. Rod said he loves his wife and doesn't bother with that kind of stuff. Howard said he loves to look up old girlfriend's to see what they look like now.
Howard asked Rod if he's doing any signings for this book. He said they are in talks of doing something like that. He said that he will do it if they ask him to.
Howard said Rod seems like a good guy from what he can tell. He said that Bill Clinton seems to be the same way. Howard said he doesn't know the evidence himself but he would like to hear the tapes. He said that he's going to pull for him and said that if he was wronged, he will do what he can to get him back in office. Howard said if he goes to jail though, he'll lose his number and never talk to him again.
Howard asked Rod what it's going to be like if he goes to prison. He wondered if he would get hard time or a minimum security prison. Rod said it's not a maximum security prison but he didn't even want to talk about that because he doesn't think it's going to happen.
Rod said that he has a lot of details about the case and someone has to be lying in this case. It's either him or the accuser. He said that the accuser doesn't want anyone hearing the tapes but the person being accused wants everyone to hear the tapes. He said he thinks that's what will prove that he's innocent.
Howard said he hopes that Rod doesn't go to prison. He said if he does go away though, that 20 years would be rough. Howard asked if he could ever do a guy in prison. Rod said he would never do that and he was a golden gloves boxer so he should be able to take care of himself. Robin said that prison is a real dehumanizing thing.
Howard asked Rod if this case could be thrown out eventually. Rod said that they're looking into that. He said that they're hoping it can be.
Howard said that the jury selection is everything. Howard said that they should go with guys... black guys. He said that they seem to be forgiving. Howard said they should avoid bald guys too because they'd be jealous of his hair. Rod said they should have Howard come in as a consultant on that.
Howard wrapped up with Rod and gave him some more plugs for his book. He and Robin talked about how they hope that if he's innocent that he gets off. Howard said he will give him a job there if he doesn't get reelected. He said he could have him taping shows for JD. Rod asked if he could do prank calls with Richard and Sal. He used to have the President's phone number so they could prank him. Howard liked that idea. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked who was doing that song. Fred told him that it was Pearl Jam and it was on the top 3 on the rock charts.
Howard asked Gary if Joe Jackson was there. Gary said he was not there. Gary said that someone from the organization was there but Joe wasn't there.
Howard said that Shawn King's people thought she was there to do the lie detector test. She is in New York having breakfast so he's going to take that as meaning that she's not going to take the lie detector test. Howard said that they'll have to let Ed Torian go since he's not needed.
Howard said that Dustin Hoffman calling in was cool earlier. He said he thinks that he's going to be the winner since today is the last day for that contest. Robin said she thinks that maybe he won but it wasn't by that much. She thought that Marilyn Munster was a close second.
Artie said he was wringing down some of the movies that Dustin Hoffman has been in and he may have had the best career in show business ever. They talked about a few of those movies and went over that stuff for a short time.
Howard said Carol Leifer wrote to him and said she didn't believe it. Howard said he does believe it because Sandra told him more off the air. Howard said he told Beth about it and she was shocked. She thought it was disgusting and all of that.
Howard said he spoke to Ralph on Friday. He asked Ralph what was going on there. Ralph said that he was dumbfounded and said that it never happened. Howard said that makes things even more intriguing and he wants to know what's really going on.
Howard said Ralph told him that he would have called Howard 3 seconds after he did it, if he had done it. Howard said Ralph doesn't know what Sandra is thinking by telling that story. He was sitting at his mother's house listening to the show and he was going to call in but he wanted to see where it went. Howard said Ralph never ate out Sandra and he never banged the girlfriend.
Howard said Sandra Bernhard is a genius. He said that story was great and it created a controversy on the air. He said it's complete madness that she made that up.
Robin said she didn't believe it because Sandra didn't say it was Ralph at first but then she went on with the story when she saw that it was going to get some attention. Artie said that he didn't believe it either but he didn't stand up and say it that day. Howard said he bought into it completely.
Howard said he wrote back to Carol Leifer and told her that he must be the most gullible person. He said that Ralph does okay and he bought into the whole thing. Howard said Ralph claims he never had sex with those women.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he took it so easy on Rod when he was in there. Howard said he was fascinated with his book and everything that was going on. The caller said he should have asked more about his father in law and what was going on there. Howard said he didn't have any hard hitting questions about that. Howard said he wanted to give everyone the opportunity to hear what the guy had to say about his problems. Howard said he didn't want to bore everyone and just kept the interview moving along.
Howard had Ralph on the phone so he asked him what he thinks was going on there. Ralph said he was listening to it and he was dumbfounded. He said that Sandra knew that he was listening at his mom's house. She knew Ralph well enough to know he was at his mother's house.
Howard asked if anything like that even came close to happening. Ralph said that he's been out to dinner with Sandra but nothing close ever happened. Ralph said he thinks that she had a three way with someone and it was an easy way out to tell Howard it was him. He said he thinks that Sandra just threw his name into it.
Howard said this is a stroke of genius to tell the story that way. Artie said it sounds like a stroke of crazy to him.
Howard said Ralph must be back to being gay again if he didn't bang Sandra. Howard said Ralph was wondering if it would ruin the story to admit it wasn't true. Howard thinks it makes it even better.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he knew it wasn't true because Ralph would have told him the story. Howard said he was trying to think of reasons why Ralph wouldn't have told him.
Artie said that he knew that Howard didn't know because of the way he reacted to her during the break after the interview. Howard said Ralph even told him that he would have told him if he had banged them. Robin said she would have known too because Ralph tells her everything.
Howard said the real interview is going to be with Sandra again because he wants to know what she was up to. Ralph thinks that he can get them now that this story has come out.
Dominic told Howard that he could end up in Rod's trial when that happens. Howard asked him how he came off. Dominic said he thinks that he was set up and thought he was a very believable guy. He said it's a strange story. He said it was a great interview too.
Howard said he was sad to see Beth go. He said he did get weepy. He wasn't even able to jerk off until later that night. Howard said they did make love several times over the weekend. He said he's angry too because his wife isn't around.
Howard wondered if they should give up on Joe Jackson. Gary said that he wasn't there yet but the girl he was going to promote (Rachel Fine) was there. Someone who works for him was there as well but Joe wasn't.
Bobo mentioned that Bob Grant is going back on radio today. He's 80 years old. Howard said he likes Bob Grant. He talked about how he's 50 times the entertainer than Rush Limbaugh is. Howard said he's not sure why he's on radio at that age. Howard said that he would never be doing radio at that age. Howard said they must have verbal diarrhea. Howard said he'll be talking to wall in a year.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he believed that Sandra Bernhard story. Howard said there was no reason not to believe it.
Howard said that the World's Strongest Naked Girl contest got some email and some people didn't like it. Some people hated the girl who was giggling the whole time. Howard thinks that the show is going to be huge on Howard TV though.
Howard read some mail about Sandra Bernhard's appearance. A bunch of people hated her on the show. Robin asked about the person that he blew off during Sandra's appearance last week. Howard said he wasn't even sure who it was. Artie knew that it was Steve Carell. Howard said he wouldn't have taken that call even if it was Dustin Hoffman. He was in the middle of an interview at the time and didn't want to talk to two people at the same time.
Howard read some more feedback about Sandra and how much people hated her. Then there were people who changed their opinions about her when they heard her reveal she had been with Ralph.
Howard got some feedback about the phony Doritos commercials that they were coming up with during the news. Howard said that someone suggested they animate those ideas for the commercials. He said they might have to do that for Howard TV.
Howard said someone sent him a picture of the Radio Hall of Fame and the building is all boarded up. He loved seeing that and said that the Craig's Radio Hall of Fame is doing just fine.
Howard said he also got a sad note saying that the Singing Psychic, Fran Baskerville, is dead. He talked about having her on the show and how much fun they used to have with her. She was 71 years old.
Gary said that Shawn King just tweeted and said she thought that she was doing the Stern Show tonight at 5pm. Howard said he thinks she just doesn't want to do the lie detector test.
Howard said he read about Rodney King's fight against that guy ''Renegade.'' Rodney won the fight so now Renegade's people are saying that it was rigged and it was all a set up. Robin said it seems that they're going to be having Rodney fight a lot of people so maybe that's the case.
Howard played some audio of Sal interviewing Beetlejuice about how much he weighs and how much he can bench press. Beet changed his answers every time he asked him the same questions over and over again. Howard said they have a whole reality show for Beet on Howard TV. That's coming up in October actually.
Howard said Bob Levy got a second dog and he had a recording of Bob trying to leave a message for someone and his dog was barking in the background. Howard said he's not sure who Bob was calling with that message. Howard played a second message where Bob was trying to leave another message and the dog would not stop barking. Bob said he needs a dog whisperer or something to tell the dog to shut the fuck up. Howard said there must be something wrong with that dog for it to be barking that much.
Howard said that Bong Hit Eric was saying that they have to have Ed Torian talk to someone today. Howard said he was going to have him talk to Rod Blagojevich but that didn't work out. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Bong Hit Eric on the phone and his dog was barking. Howard didn't even know he was on the line. Howard told him he had to get going. He said he had another entry for the Klondike ''Out Produce Gary'' contest. It was Marisa Tomei. Howard told her that Dustin Hoffman had just called in earlier. She didn't know that.
Artie asked who had more Oscars. Marisa said that it must be Dustin. Howard asked Marisa if she's single or hooked up. She said that she's hooked up. She said she wasn't going to win the contest so maybe she shouldn't give up that information. Marisa said if she's not going to win then she's not giving it up. Howard got a note saying that she's dating Logan Marshall Green.
Howard asked Marisa about why everyone gets angry when they're asked who they're seeing. Howard said that he was excited to talk about it when he started dating his wife. Robin said that he waited a year before he talked about it. Howard said he's going to take that as meaning that it's a timing thing. Marisa said that she wants to keep things precious and between her and the other person.
Howard said when you're love you should scream it from the roof tops. Howard said that Jennifer Aniston is like that too. He said he understands keeping things sacred but she should have gone out and talked about Brad Pitt when she was with him.
Howard said that Jay-Z and Beyonce won't even admit they're together. Howard said he kept his relationship quiet because he had kids to protect.
Howard said he has a friend who is so in love with Marisa. He said the guy was going out on a hike out in California and he saw Marisa out there. He saw her ass and said it was the most perfect ass he had ever seen. This guy is a screen writer. Howard said that he based that on just seeing her ass.
Artie said he jogged next to Marisa on a treadmill in Chicago. Marisa was on a treadmill and her ass was talking to him. She thanked him for that.
Howard asked Marisa where she was living now. She lives in L.A. but she was in New York today. She said she was there for her cousin. Howard said he's thinking that she might win today if she keeps putting out today. Artie said that if it's her ass, then it wins over Dustin Hoffman.
Howard asked when Marisa started to act. She said she was 20. Howard asked if she was the most beautiful in her high school. She said that she wasn't. Howard asked who was hotter than her. She said there were a lot of hot girls. She wasn't one at all. She mentioned one name of a girl who was hotter than her. She told Howard where she went to school and Howard wondered how she became this big actress and became a very wealthy person. She said that it's all relative.
Howard said that Marisa works all the time and her ass and body are something else. Robin said she does a lot of independent films so they don't pay that well. Howard said he's still thinking that Marisa could win the contest. He said that she would afford to pay her own 5 grand though. Howard asked if ''The Wrestler'' paid well. She said it really didn't. Artie figured she made about 5 grand on that one.
Howard said he thinks that Marisa is the kind of girl who is very sensual. He asked her when she got sexually active. She said that she had her first kiss when she was like 6 or 7. Howard said that she must be very confident with that body she has now.
Robin said that Marisa used to do a show on Broadway where she would sometimes get topless. She said it was all improve so she just went with the impulses at the moment. Howard said he would be so angry if he went on a night when she didn't take her top off.
Howard asked Marisa if her breasts were real. She said that they are and then she said that she should probably go out on that note. Howard let Marisa get in a plug for her charity since they were talking about this breast stuff. She said that she was plugging this Equality Now charity which is for stopping violence against women. Howard said he's all for that.
Marisa told Howard about the charity and how they help people in Ethiopia and things like that. Howard said that Robin was supporting women of Eritrea with that same kind of thing.
Howard asked Marisa if she was at the MTV awards last night. Marisa said she was busy with the baby last night. Howard said he had a lot of stuff to ask her about and he was upset he wasn't going to get to ask. Marisa said that she had a friend call and ask her to call.
Howard gave Marisa $711 for her charity since she wasn't going to win the $5,000. She took that and Howard had to put her on the phone. Artie jokingly told her that Dustin Hoffman's charity was for violence against women so that's who was going to get the money.
Howard asked Marisa when she's going to come in and do a proper interview. She said after this interview she doesn't think she should have to. Howard said he was honored to speak with her and thanked her for calling in. Howard put her on hold and told Gary to go pick up.
Gary told Howard that Joe Jackson's people called and told him that they had a meeting with the ambassador for Africa ask for a meeting with Joe so that's why he wasn't able to make it today.
Howard said that Marisa didn't win but Gary said that they have to take calls until 10:00am. Gary said that Peter Frampton called in and Gary told him that Dustin Hoffman had called in and Peter asked if he was really bigger than him. Gary said Peter laughed when he said that though.
Gary asked who could win over Dustin Hoffman. They threw out a bunch of names like Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Bruce Springsteen and people like that who might win over Dustin.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Marisa Tomei is hot but he thought she was kind of bitchy to him. Howard said he was a bit. Howard said he thinks that she was disappointed that she wasn't going to win. Artie didn't think she was bitchy really. Howard said she was probably told she was going to win but it was Dustin Hoffman who called in.
Ralph called in and said Matt Damon was on Letterman talking about a similar contest and he lost out when Sean Connery called in after he called in. Howard said Marisa has a story to tell now that she lost out to Dustin Hoffman.
Ralph asked if she could beat Hoffman if she had let something juicy out. Howard said it's about who the bigger star is. He said that Dustin Hoffman is the bigger star so far.
Howard and the guys went over some other names and had a struggle with Eddie Murphy. Howard said that he thinks that Dustin might win that one. They talked about his two Oscar wins and all of the great movies he was in.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she asked Uma Thurman to call in and she thinks that she's big. Howard said she's not as big as Dustin Hoffman. Mayor Bloomberg was another one for her. Mariann said she worked so hard to win this one. She said that she made fliers and handed them out and she tried so hard. Howard hung up on her as she was going on and on about her loss.
Howard said he had to hear this clip again where Jay talks about how this show is going to be different. Jay was talking about not having a desk and how they'll be doing the racing. Howard said no one cares about this ''green car'' racing. Artie thought it was ''green card'' racing. Howard said that would be way funnier if they did that green card racing. Artie said he'd rather watch that Rodney King and Renegade guy boxing.
Jay was talking about how Drew Barrymore was going to be the first person to drive the green car challenge. Howard said he knows that Jay ripped that bit off from some show in England. He said a few people have written to him about that.
Howard said he thinks that when the show starts to tank they'll get rid of the green car and make the car a writer on the show. Just like they did with Stuttering John.
Howard replayed Wolfie's interviews with people about the new Jay Leno show that he had played earlier in the morning.
Ralph called in again and said that Leno was explaining how young people weren't staying up late and his show is going to be a hit because it's on earlier. Ralph said JD must have missed that part.
Steve got back to his report and said that they're spending $10 million marketing Leno's show and Stuttering John is a ''pretty good'' writer according to Jay. Howard said he had a report in the NY Post about that and it was the shittiest thing that anyone could say about the guy. Howard found the ''Star Report'' where the guy writes about Leno's comments about John. The guy said that a lot of it had to do with Kevin Eubanks according to Jay. Jay was quoted as saying that he was going to both Kevin and John during the show and he had to leave John out. He said that Kevin is more a sidekick than John was.
Howard said that every late night show has an announcer and a band and they don't have problems with handling both. Howard said Kevin is no conversationalist. He said that Jay tried with John and it just didn't work. He said Jay is a lying sack of shit. He said it's the lamest thing he has ever heard.
Steve said that things are getting ugly for Captain Janks. They're saying that they're done with leniency for Janks now. He also said that they have a story about Jeff Jarvis' battle with cancer. Steve mentioned that Lisa Lampanelli is doing a show on Howard 101 tonight at 7 as well.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of subjects they had for today's show. Howard ended up talking about going to the gay wedding over the weekend and he figures that everyone there hates him. Howard said that his parents were there too and his mother was saying that his father doesn't like serving himself, he prefers service.
Howard said his father kept looking at his watch and he wanted out of there. Howard said he had his car there for them and they were saying they had to get up early in the morning. Howard said they don't have to get up at all but they were still complaining about it. Howard said he was watching his parents the whole time and his mother had stories about stuff that was bothering her.
Howard said his father asked when they were going to serve dinner and it was only 7:30. Howard was talking about that and then coughed up a piece of lettuce.
Howard said they were putting out this Sushi bar at the wedding and his father told him he doesn't eat that. Howard said they had a ton of food but they were taking their time. Howard said no one was in a rush except for his parents. Howard said he got aggravated and told the caterer that he had to get going early and asked for a plate for his father. Howard said one of his kids heard him telling the guy that he was going to L.A. to try and get some food out of the guy. Howard said that didn't work though.
Howard said his cousin Richie told him to tell them that he was a diabetic instead. Howard said he tried that too and the caterer asked him to please wait. Howard said he started loading up the plate anyway. He said he sat his father out in the lobby to eat. Howard said his father liked the Sushi.
Howard said he was devoting his whole day to his father. He said then people started asking him where he got the food. His daughter asked him to get him some food and he tried to do the same for her. She asked him not to embarrass her but he was cutting in line and claiming that they were all diabetics.
Howard said his father is all excited that he was mentijoned in a book about the Underdog cartoons. Howard said he got the book and he was asking hin aobut that but he had no clue what he was talking about.
Howard said he's not sure why he was following his father's every move at the wedding. He said he sat behind him at the service and he was staring at the bald spt on his head. He said that most guys shave their whole head but he has that ring around his head and he keeps it clipped. Howard siad it's liek 3 inches if hair. Howard said he was lookking at the hair and it was kind of unkempt and he started to get bummed out about that. Howard said tehy're still in good shape for thier age.
HOJward talked about how the wedding might go if they did everything the way his parents wanted them to. Howard said it would be over by 7 and there would be no music there. He said he knows he's the same way that they are though. He's just as impatient as they are.
Robin asdi that she planed a party for Howard one time and she knew that they had to have food with him immediately when he got there.
Howard said that Dustin Hoffman was the winner in the contest. The conteste was officially over.
Robin started off thanking an animal cardiologist for helping out with her cat whose heart has failed. She said that they can't do a transplant on it but they are helping it out the best they can. Robin said that the cat's heart failed and it was touch and go for a while. Robin said that they could give him a pacemaker but it might be too small.
Robin said her cat is about 18 years old and she was able to bring him home yesterday. She said she was crying a lot this weekend and she was surprised that she was doing that. She said that he's going to be 19 soon and he means a lot to her.
Robin read a story about a mother who had sex with her biological teen son that she gave up for adoption when she was a young woman. She contacted him on the internet and started to have sexual relations with him. They say she had numerous encounters with her son. The kid is a minor so his name hasn't been released.
Robin talked about Ashley Dupree putting out a new single. She had some audio of that so Howard played it and said that it wasn't bad but it wasn't all that different than what's out there.
Robin said that Jaycee Duggard is going to tell her story to Oprah Winfrey and she's being paid a million dollars to tell that story to her. Jaycee was the girl who was abducted at 11 and kept in a guy's backyard for 18 years. She was found last month.
Howard said that poor girl didn't have a childhood. They talk about Michael Jackson not having one but this Jaycee didn't have one. Howard said he hates that Oprah gets these interviews. He said that at least this girl is going to get something out of it.
Howard said he read a column that this guy wrote about Jaycee missing stuff in sports for the past 18 years. Howard said the guy had to write an apology for the way he wrote the article. Howard said he came off as a real asshole in that whole thing.
Robin had some news about a triathalon that they run in New York City and how some people have wound up dead. She said that one guy died yesterday while trying to swim across the East River. Howard said he had to train to swim in the East River so he swam in his toilet to practice. Robin said he was only about 5 minutes into the event when he started to go into some kind of distress. Artie joked about how he trained to swim in that by having a janitor in Brooklyn shit in his mouth.
Robin said they have a study about cell phones possibly making people sick. Howard started his Ted Kennedy impression and said that's what killed him.
Howard said that if they told people that cell phones cause cancer, no one would stop using them tomorrow. Howard said kids are going to keep using them. Robin said that they say there is no link to cell phones and brain cancer at this time.
Robin read a story about a couple who were arrested for showing a pornographic video in a Walmart store. They were arrested and charged with a felony for showing that video in the store.
Robin said that there are polls about Ellen Degeneres hosting American Idol and people think that she doesn't belong on the show. Howard said she's throwing the whole thing off.
Robin had a story about The Beatles and how 1 in 5 people are planning on buying either The Beatles Rock Band or their newly remastered CDs. Artie was singing a Beatles song that Howard didn't recognize. Howard had some lyrics to another song and asked Artie to try and guess it. Artie didn't know what it was so Howard had to help him figure it out.
Robin read that the guy who wrote The Basketball Diaries, Jim Carroll, has passed away. He died on Friday at the age of 60.
Robin read about some of the winners on the MTV Video Music Awards. She had some updates on who won and how many awards they won.
Robin read about President Obama saying he thinks that they'll get the votes needed to make this health care reform program work. She also had some news about Congressman Joe Wilson not apologizing to everyone for his heckling of the President.
Robin read about the Ted Kennedy memoirs coming out. That got Howard back into his Kennedy impression. He had put away his megaphone so he had to pull it out again. Howard did a little bit of that during Robin's report. Artie did his impression a bit as well.
Robin read some news about the New York Jets, Serena Williams outburst at a match over the weekend and more. Robin referred to the Oilers as being from Houston. Gary had to correct her on that. It's now the Houston Texans. Robin wasn't aware of that. Robin read about the U.S. Open being delayed by rain so some of the matches are taking place this afternoon.
Robin read about Washington DC bracing for a Dan Brown invasion. He wrote The Davinci Code and his new book's setting is in Washington DC. They're expecting tourism to go up because of that.
Robin gave some box office results for this past weekends movies. Robin said that the latest Tyler Perry movie was number one. Robin had some audio of Matt Damon talking about his new movie. Howard lasted about 5 seconds before he cut it off.
Robin had some audio of Jennifer Aniston talking about her new movie. Howard wondered why she's got so much success while none of the other ''Friends'' stars do. Robin said it's because she married Brad Pitt. Howard had to cut that one off too after a short time.
Robin had some Tyler Perry audio but Howard lasted about 3 seconds on that. Robin told Howard that he was actually in the Star Trek movie that he liked so much. She told him that he was the black guy handing out the awards at the end of the movie.
Robin had some audio from back stage at the MTV Awards. She had some audio of Britney Spears saying something about a ''cross head sword'' when she was talking about the paparazzi. She had some audio of Lady Gaga talking about how she doesn't take herself very seriously but she takes her work very seriously. Howard compared that to Gary's ''I want you back'' tape. Artie said he loved the guy who called in and told Howard that it was a TKO when he was going on and on with that tape last week.
Robin read that there is a new Osama bin Laden tape out. She went over some of that and wrapped up her news. Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Jon said that if they have a case then they should produce it. He said that he thinks that Rod could sue over it if they don't have a case. Jason Kaplan came in and said that if he is found innocent, and it may not from what he's read, then there will be a major repercussion for the people who brought the case up.
Jason said he was reading that they may get into a lot of trouble over the whole thing for impeaching the guy before even hearing his case.
Jon asked what he's supposed to do if he is innocent. Gary said he's written the book and he's trying to stay in the public eye as much as possible.
Jason said that it sounds like the democrats might be more upset with him but from what he can tell both parties are upset with him.
Jon said that Rod wasn't talking a lot about what was going on but that's probably because of the case pending. He also said that Rod wasn't talking much about the chicks he had. Jason said that a guy can't do that because he may not get the next cheerleader.
Jon asked what was holding Rod up as he was coming in. Gary said they had Rod in one green room and they had Ed Torian in the other one. He said he saw that Rod was in the green room talking to Ed and everyone on Rod's side was wondering what the polygraph was there for. Gary said he had to explain that to his people.
Jon asked Gary what happened with Shawn King this morning. Gary said that she told him that she had been booked wrong and she claims that she's going to be there on Wednesday morning. Ed Torian will be back on Wednesday morning as well.
A caller asked if they think that maybe Rod is a total liar. Gary said they really don't know. He said that the smoking gun is the tapes that they claim to have and no one has heard the tapes yet. The caller said that he knows they haven't played it yet but it sounds like he was willing to give up a senate seat by selling it. He said it was like personal gain for his office. Gary said that they don't know what he said in those tapes yet though.
Gary said that we have to see the tapes and we have to see if they can prosecute the guy. Gary said that they're letting Rod go out there and build up trust on his side while they delay this case.
The caller also mentioned that Beyonce's thighs were massive on the VMAs last night. He said that one thigh is like the size of a torso for a regular human being.
Another caller said he thinks he knows the reason for this case being delayed. He said he thinks that their voices may be on the tapes and they may just come up with a plea bargain and get the guy the fuck out of there. He said he thinks that there are a lot more people to go down on those tapes and that's what they're worried about.
Another caller gave his thoughts on what was going on and he said it was on the record that he was making a deal for that senate seat. Jon and Gary didn't want to keep it too political so they tried to move on from all of that.
Jon asked Gary about the stuff Rod was saying about the gay marriage thing in his stage. He was saying that their state wasn't quite there yet to make something like that work. Gary said he was saying that they might be moving in that direction but they're not quite there yet.
Another caller asked if he was the only one that thinks this guy is going to jail. He said the guy is a liar and he thinks that he should go to jail. Gary cut him off saying that his phone connection was bad and that he was going too deep into politics for this show.
Jon asked Gary what he thought about Rod's thoughts on going to jail since he said he was golden gloves champ. Gary said he may have been when was younger but maybe he's not that in shape now. He hopes that he doesn't end up with someone who is pumped up.
Jon asked Gary about what happened with Joe Jackson. Gary said that they claim that he had a meeting with the ambassador to Africa. Gary said that was utterly ridiculous for a reason. Gary said that he had to ask the guy to repeat himself to make sure he was hearing things right.
A caller said that he doesn't know who Robin was talking about during her news about a football game. They said she got a few facts wrong during her news.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Rod Blagojevich interview and if Gary thinks that it was a good idea to have him on the show talking about that stuff. Gary said that Rod is all over the place doing interviews. They'll have to see what happens.
Another caller said that Howard sounds like a brainwashed slave when he's talking about his dad. He said that Howard stands by anything that his dad says is the right thing. His father thinks that the NY Times is the best so Howard thinks it's the best. He said it gets annoying when he hears about it.
The caller said he thinks that Howard was almost abused with that stuff when he was growing up. Gary said he doesn't think it's that severe and he's not sticking to it that bad. The caller said that it is that bad and all he wants to do is say that his dad is the best.
The guys spent a minute talking about the Jay Leno show discussion Howard had today as well. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked Gary about the ''Out Produce Gary'' contest and how they had Dustin Hoffman and Marisa Tomei call in today. Gary said that they had a lot of people who have been on the show as suggestions and a lot of people that they wouldn't really have a problem getting. He said that Donald Trump was one of the people that was suggested and he can get him on the phone himself if he needs him.
Gary said that he got a call from Taylor Dane today and he had to tell her that Dustin Hoffman had already called in. Jon asked if anyone there didn't know who Taylor Dane was. Gary said that Steve Brandano didn't know who she was. He said that she was one of the big music stars back in the 80s.
Gary said they had a call from Kurt Shilling but he wasn't going to be the winner. Gary said that he knew that Curt was going to call in but then Dustin Hoffman called in out of nowhere. Gary said that came out of nowhere.
Jon asked Gary if he thought that Sunny Lane had any chance. Gary said ''Gimme a break...'' and said that Eric could have taken Frankie Valli and had a better chance.
Jon and Gary talked about Dustin Hoffman's movies and some of what he was talking about in the interview today. they talked about how Dustin had roommates like Robert Duvall and Gene Hackman. Gary said he has a ton of respect for all three and he thinks that he would pick Hoffman as the best of the three. Jon said he might go with Duvall.
Gary said that Steve Carell called in last week but Howard turned down the call at the time. Steve didn't call back today. Gary said that Steve called them twice last week and didn't call back in today. He said he felt kind of bad about that.
Gary asked who would win between Steve and Marisa. Jon said it would be close but he'd have to say Steve Carell. Gary said he'd have to go with Marisa.
A caller asked if anyone could trump Hoffman other than Jack Nicholson. Gary said that there really aren't many but Jack Nicholson might.
The caller asked if he would keep Kanye West off the show if he were producing the Jay Leno show. Gary said he would keep him on no problem because of the controversy. He's pretty sure that Jay won't even bring up what Kanye did on the MTV awards last night.
Gary said that he had ODB booked the day after he was on the Grammy's the time he rushed the stage and took over the mic. He said he lucked out with that because they had him booked before he pulled the stunt.
The caller was saying he can imagine Howard and Dustin Hoffman having dinner together. Jon asked the guys if they think that the animation movies they do now are making these guys look bad. Gary said that they may not have a lot of movies to choose from now and maybe they have to take those roles to keep working.
The caller said he thinks that Dustin Hoffman should do one more great role like Clint Eastwood did with ''Gran Torino.'' Gary said that Clint wasn't known as that great of an actor but then he started churning out all of these great hits that he produced himself. The caller said he'd have to include Eastwood in that list of great actors that would have won the contest.
Gary said that the guy who got Dustin to call in was his driver on ''Meet the Fockers.'' Gary said the guy told him that he has been friends with Dustin for years since then.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that school Dustin may have been referring to was Hofstra. Gary said he's not sure about that because it was an all girl's school he was referring to.
Jon asked Gary if Marisa sounded upset when she called in. Gary said she must have had some kind of love for the show. Gary said that the one person whose call they didn't take was Kathleen Turner and she wanted to be told she was definitely going to win. Gary said that once they found out that Dustin Hoffman had called in they were okay with her not getting the win.
Jon said he thought Marisa did a good job on the show today. They talked about how great she looks for a 45 year old too. Gary said she's a great actress too.
Jon took a call from a guy who was asking if Katie Lee Gifford would have won the contest over everyone else. They went over a few other people like Ted Kennedy as well... that's if he had lived.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Gary why he never went into comedy. Gary said he has trouble memorizing stuff and he has kind of tried it. He said he can't memorize stuff and it's just not for him.
Gary said that he isn't good in front of a live crowd. He said he's not near as good as the guys he has been on the road with. Gary said he tried to do 5 minutes out in L.A. one time. He said he did it years ago in Philadelphia and it was so much stress.
Gary said that most people need some time to themselves. He said that if Mary isn't there he'll watch some movies that she doesn't want to see or watch some sports that she doesn't want to see. He said she probably does the same thing when he's not home.
Benjy said that he doesn't understand it when he sees people crying when they're away from their family for just a couple of weeks. Gary said he doesn't get it either. He said Stuttering John did that when he was on that ''I'm a Celebrity'' show that time. He was gone for 11 days and broke down crying.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that the whole Rod Blagojevich thing was going down his wife went on and she was big in the news so that's probably why the had her on.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Gary starts his sentences off really fast and that cracks him up. The guys had a moment of silence and thanked him for calling in.
Benjy said he thought it was impressive that Ralph came clean. Jon said that Ralph was also telling Howard that he would have told him immediately if he had actually done it.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Howard and his Father discussion from earlier and he just wanted to straighten them out on what he was thinking about all of that. Gary said that when it's Howard's way it's the only way and maybe he did get that from his father. The guys had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about his opening song (Great American Nightmare) and how he fucked it up. He thinks that he and Rob Zombie could have done a better job on it. He wishes he could do it over again.
Howard said he was thinking about this woman Susan Boyle. He called her a ''broad'' and corrected himself on that. He went on to say that she won ''Britain's Got Talent'' and she seems to be retarded in some way. Howard said everyone must know who she is and wondered why he was explaining it.
Howard said she's on the internet with the big unibrow. Howard said that Robin Williams could play her or Janis Joplin. Howard said that Janis was apparently voted the ugliest ''man'' on her college campus.
Howard said he was watching some reports on the MTV Video Music Awards and he saw that Lady Gaga was wearing masks out to the parties. He said that she's like Zorro and no one can tell who she is with that mask on. Howard said she might not be a very good looking girl if she does that, but he can't tell. Howard said she has a great body though.
Artie said that chick had a bird's next on her face. Howard said that wasn't her. He said he should have started that trend of wearing masks all the time. Howard said he could have been a sex symbol if he did that.
Howard said the Greaseman should have worn a mask. He said he looks like one of those guys who works out too much. Howard said he heard he had a good career until he was seen. Howard said he should have been like the Unknown Comic with a bag on his head.
Howard said that Unknown Comic went away after he took his bag off. Howard said he really is the Unknown Comic now. He said the guy was a scream until that mask came off.
Howard said that should have been his own move to wear a mask. He said people have been very disappointed when they've seen him.
Howard said he got a copy of a song that Susan Boyle did and she really can sing. Howard said the only thing holding her back are her looks. Howard said she does a cover of ''Wild Horses'' (from her upcoming I Dreamed A Dream CD?) and it's really good. Howard played the song and said she really can sing. She's got a great voice.
Howard said she sings with emotion and you can tell she's had some tough times. Howard said that's the hook with her. He said it would be ruined if she looked good like Jewel or someone like that. Howard said she should sing with a bag on her head. Robin didn't think that would work either.
Howard said that's a pain in the fuckin ass and the cat is like 17 years old. Robin said she has 3 cats now and she had to give away some of the others she had. She thought she was going to be living with them but then she started to just stay at the one domicile so she had to give up the others for adoption.
Robin revealed that she has given her cats to her cleaning woman and she pays her to take care of them. Howard said there are people who want to do that with their kids too. He said that Octomom must want to do that with some of her kids.
Howard said that some people get too many animals and can't take care of them. Robin said she's doing her part to take care of them. Robin said she pays for the cats food and medical bills. Howard asked how many are with that woman. Robin said there are only 3. Howard said he thought she had like 12 cats. Robin said some of them have died.
Howard asked Robin if she's done with cats after this. Robin said she loves cats so she won't give up on them. Howard saw Robin bouncing up and down and asked her if she was sitting on her foot masturbating. Robin said that's not what she was doing. She has spoken about getting off easily by doing stuff like that but she claims she wasn't doing that.
Robin said she may have to bring her cats in to show Howard sometime. She said some of them are hysterical to look at.
Howard said they did have an announcer on the show and it wasn't Stuttering John. Gary said he doesn't know who it is but he feels really bad for Stuttering John. Gary said that Jay called Kevin Eubanks his ''soul mate'' at one point. Artie said he was joking around about that and referring to a joke he had told. Jay did say that he was glad his good friend Kevin was back.
Howard said that there is no way that show is going to work. Gary said it's just the Tonight Show without a desk. Jay had Jerry Seinfeld on the show and they sat down on chairs and spoke. He said that it looked like Jay was teeing up jokes for Jerry in the whole interview. Artie said Jay looked weird without the desk. Robin said they'll bring it in eventually.
Gary said that the bits they were doing were just going on way too long. He said that they were like Saturday Night Live sketches that go on and on. Gary said this one guy did a singing bit at the car wash and it was funny for like a minute but it went on far too long. Howard said that's the problem with TV. He said they have to stretch it out because they don't have a lot of good premises.
Howard said Jay will quickly lose ratings and the sales department at NBC is going to freak out. Howard said today there will be a lot of crowing about the show and the ratings with Kanye West.
Howard said that Kanye is talentless and he can't imagine that kids are going to tune into Jay's show. He said that he smells a .03 rating with that show. He said Kanye's music is horrible. He said that he doesn't even know what he sings.
Fred played one of Kanye's songs, ''Gold digger,'' and Howard said that's like one of his only good songs. Fred played ''Flashing Lights'' as well but Howard said that one sucks. Howard said you can't even dance to that. He said he hates that guy. He said JD probably likes that song. Howard said the guy is talentless and that must be why he's so angry.
Howard said that Kanye made news with his comments on Jay's show last night. Kanye admitted he made a mistake. Howard said that Jay is going to end up with crappy guests like Jenna Elfman the rest of this week. Howard said they're going to have football on and all of the shows like CSI will be up against him and he won't be getting any ratings.
Howard played a clip of Jay's new announcer. The guy did the same thing that John used to do but it wasn't John. Gary said that John could have done that same thing. Howard said Jay never liked John and he just hired him based on someone's suggestion. Howard said that Jay probably expected to put John into the show when he came there but they weren't able to work him into it.
Howard said they have this straight announcer on the show and they will end up using him on the show. There was no rapport between Jay and John, that's why they never used him. Howard said that there is no rapport between Jay and Kevin either but Kevin has a reason to be on camera.
Gary said that Jay goes to Kevin a lot. Howard said he does but he doesn't spend any time actually talking to him. He said that he just uses him to bounce jokes off of.
Howard replayed the announcer from the Tonight Show. He said he bets that he's a regular announcer type and that's what Jay should have had from the start. Howard said that John is too hip for Jay almost. Howard said that John should be making fun of Jay.
Fred did his Stuttering John announcing impression and goofed on the Jay Leno show set up. Howard continued playing the announcer and they call the band ''Kevin Eubanks and the Prime Time Band.'' They goofed on that for a short time.
Howard said that Greg Fitzsimmons was talking about what John might be doing on the Tonight Show. He said he heard that Greg was saying that John might be the guy that gets the writers going when they goof on him.
Gary said that they have some big names for Jay's show next week. They have some pretty big stars until Wednesday night. By Thursday they don't have anyone that interesting. Gary said they have Hugh Laurie on Friday night. Howard said that's a really bad guest to put up against other prime time shows.
Howard said he thought that Kanye was the worst of the week but then he said that it was the Congressman, Joe Wilson, who went too far being an asshole.
Howard said he was reading about this Yale student who disappeared. He said that she was 24 years old and she was a graduate student at Yale. She was trying to find a cure for diabetes and that's who they lost at Yale. Howard said they found a guy who had scratches on his chest over there and he had some inconsistencies in his story. He said that she apparently put up a fight and he should be caught if he's guilty. They should be able to find some DNA evidence.
Howard read about how this girl volunteered to help sick people at a hospital when she was younger. Robin said they were saying that her friends were saying that a nicer person you couldn't find.
Howard said he was thinking about this Osama bin Laden and how they should just leave it up to the Israelis to find him and take care of him. Robin didn't think that they could go into that area. Howard said they have their ways.
Howard said he's a fan of Sex and the City and enjoyed the movie a lot. Howard said he likes that show and they are now shooting the second movie. He said that every day in the paper they have pictures of the women from the movie and they even photographed Kim Kattrell with one of her scripts where they have a plot line revelation. Howard said they're revealing some of the story with these pictures too. He said that they're revealing the whole movie. He doesn't get why they're doing that. Howard said he doesn't want to know this stuff in advance.
Howard read that Oprah Winfrey's ratings dropped a bit and she had Whitney Houston on her show. Howard said that Whitney was so gorgeous when she was younger. He said that she looks good now even after she ravaged her body with the drugs and stuff. He said that she's so fucked up though. He said she married Bobby Brown and blames him for what she did.
Howard said Whitney claims that Bobby spit in her face and that was the lowest point in her life. Robin said she could have picked anyone to marry and she picked that guy. Howard said Whitney's mother apparently saved her life by putting her into rehab. Howard said he wishes that Robin was her friend because she could have bought a cat instead of marrying Bobby Brown.
Howard read an article about Whitney where she talked about her life with Bobby and how she had to retreat to her room with a bible at times. She tells some stories about the things that Bobby did to her while they were married and there were some pretty weird things he did to her.
Howard mentioned that Patrick Swayze died finally. He suffered from cancer for a couple of years. Howard said he was a heavy smoker and he doesn't think he ever stopped. Howard said he was an athlete and all and he still smoked. Howard said Patrick's mother had a dance studio and he lucked out with that. Howard said the guy had all of that stuff going for him and he still smoked. Howard said that Swayze kept smoking right up to the end as far as he knows.
Howard said that he had a lot to get to today. He said he was very busy yesterday after the show. He asked Artie how he and his girlfriend are doing. Artie said they're having a good time. He said that they're spending a lot of time together but she's very cool about letting him do what he wants.
Artie said they were watching the 9/11 concert that Howard was at. He said that she mentioned that Beth was beautiful. Then she said that she can't believe that Howard banged Anna Nicole Smith. Artie said she was completely under the impression that Howard was Howard K. Stern. Howard said he got a lot of hate mail about that even though it wasn't him.
Howard asked Artie if he went with it and told her that he killed her too. Artie said he was frazzled by the whole thing and didn't know what to say.
Howard asked if that Howard K. Stern is still being accused of killing Anna Nicole. Robin said that he's apparently being accused of having something to do with feeding her the pills but she's not sure what to think. Howard said he thinks that it should be the person's responsibility to just not take the pills. Robin said that with Michael Jackson there was a fine line between that and the person who was giving him the drugs. The doctor in his life was giving him anesthetic to help him sleep.
Howard played some examples of news reports where they said ''Howard Stern'' and not ''Howard K. Stern'' in reports about the Anna Nicole Smith case. Howard said he can see how some people would get confused with that.
Howard said he saw that Michael Strahan was there so he had to get him in there. Howard said he has to take a break first. Robin said that Michael is with Eddie Murphy's ex. Howard said he has to talk to this guy. Howard heard that she was there too so he asked Gary if she'll come in. Gary said he's not sure but he'll ask.
Howard wondered if Michael would ever marry that chick. Gary said he's not sure he'll ever get married again. Gary said he's a good guy and he ran into him doing his Gadget Gary thing recently. He said he asked him to come over and he agreed to do it. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Michael Strahan come in. He was there to promote his new TV show ''Brothers'' which premieres later this month.
Howard said that Michael is a big dude. He said he doesn't even care about the Giants. Michael played for them for 15 years. Howard asked if he was popular in high school. Michael said he grew up in Europe with his father who was in the army. He said his father whopped his ass with belts and stuff. He said they were good because he's straight.
Howard asked Michael if he has ever had to take a hand to his kids. Michael said he never has but that's because he never felt he had to. He said that his father did what he did based on the times. Howard said his parents never hit him. Michael said his brothers deserved what they got.
Howard asked Michael if he had to take his pants off to get the beatings. Michael said that he didn't have to do that. He said he did get hit with a belt though. Howard asked what the worst thing he ever did was. Michael said it was a long time since all of that happened. He wasn't sure what he did. He said that back then that's what parents did. He said he's 37 years old and that's the way kids were raised. Howard said that Michael's parents must be proud of him now. Michael said ''Oh yeah.''
Howard asked Michael about the pranks they used to pull on each other while playing football. Michael said a lot of the stuff they did involved nudity and stuff. He said that there have been times that a guy is talking to another guy in the shower and one of them is peeing on the other guy. He said he doesn't get that kind of stuff.
Michael said that one time one of the guys, Shawn O'Hara, took a picture of his balls and made it his screen saver. He said that's just not cool. He doesn't want some white guy's balls on his screen.
Howard said he read that one prank was the center cutting the crotch out of his pants and when the quarterback goes down there, his balls are hanging down there. Michael said that guy is the same guy who put his balls on his computer. He said that guy has problems.
Howard said he heard that the German chicks love black men. He asked if he was getting a lot of pussy over there. Michael wasn't answering but he said that they do love black men over there.
Howard asked Michael about his marriage and how bad that was. Michael said that it was bad toward the end. Howard read some stuff about that divorce and read that he had to give her $15.3 million in the settlement. Michael that's not true and they just settled everything about a month ago. That report Howard was reading was from 2008. Michael told Howard that she had an argument that had no merit and the judge had this thing for women and that judge sided with his wife. Michael said that they basically broke the pre-nup and the judge changed what the judge wanted to change. Michael said he's happy with the way things turned out though. He said that divorce is expensive because it's worth it.
Michael said that things are going good for him and he thinks that he's going to be okay later in life. He said he hates those autograph signings and he doesn't want to have to do those later in his life. He said he thinks that he'll be okay.
Michael told Howard about his new TV show ''Brothers'' and how that's based loosely on his life. Howard asked if he likes this acting thing. He said he does enjoy it and it's not so bad remembering the lines. He said it's the same as remembering plays in a play book. Howard said he could never do that. He asked how long it takes to memorize that stuff. Michael said they change it every day anyway so it takes some time.
Howard said he really can't remember stuff so he can't act like that. Michael said that they have to write him into a show had have him come on.
Howard asked Michael about his girlfriend, Nicole Mitchell, who sued to be married to Eddie Murphy. Howard asked if she would come in. Michael told Howard that if she comes in there they're not going to have any of this crazy talk. Howard said he'd get to that first then.
Howard asked Michael how he met this girl. Michael said he had a friend call him and tell him about this woman and set him up on a date. Howard asked if he had seen her when she was with Eddie. He said he had so he knew that she was hot. He said she has 5 kids and she doesn't look like she's had any. Howard said he's seen pictures and she really does look good.
Howard asked Michael how long it took before he got her in bed. Michael said if she had said it was okay the first night he would have been fine with it. He said it was actually a while before he got her. He said he didn't see her for a couple of weeks after the first time. He said she went back to L.A. for a couple of weeks. Michael said he wasn't trying to push up on her and he wasn't going to do anything too crazy.
Michael said that he called her a couple of weeks later and they went out to dinner. He said that she pulled up in a convertible and had a mini-skirt on. He said that she looked great that night. Michael said she's like 5'11'' tall.
Howard asked Michael if she has more money than him. Michael said that they're all good. Howard said she must have more than he does. Michael said he can't say but he has seen the contract that she signed. Michael said that they have 9 kids between them and the oldest is 19. He said he gets to see Eddie once in a while. He said that they don't seem to hate each other. They get along okay now.
Howard asked Michael if he gets to see the every day Eddie or the cultured Eddie. He said he sees the day to day Eddie. He said he doesn't see the ''Nutty Professor Eddie.''
Howard asked Michael how he holds out with a woman that hot. He said he would cum in 3 seconds. Michael laughed and didn't answer. Artie said he'd have to think of Shawn O'Hara's balls not to cum. Howard asked if he gave her an orgasm the first time he was with her. He thinks he did from the way she reacted to him.
Howard asked Michael about having sex with Nicole and if he moves fast or if he slows it down. They talked about that and said that sometimes you just have to say you're sorry for finishing too fast.
Howard asked Michael about getting stopped by the cops one time and saying that he was on his way to get a blow job. Michael said that was actually Charles Barkley. He said he was friends with Charles and they were out when they got pulled over. He said that Charles just let the cops know what was going on.
Howard asked Michael about his ex-wife accusing him of beating her and saying that he was gay. Michael said that he was everything according to her. He said that she was trying to break him and she even told him that. Michael said she wanted some stuff from him and she was going to embarrass him by putting this stuff out there if he didn't agree to it.
Michael said that there was some wild stuff going on and he asked her if she was kidding him with that stuff. Michael said that his parents said they knew she was bad for him and that she needed Jesus.
Howard asked if they could bring Nicole into the studio. Michael told him to behave when she came in. Nicole came in and said a quick hello but she wasn't going to stick around. Howard said that she's perfect. She thanked him for that but it didn't sound like she was comfortable in there.
Howard told Nicole how hot she is and asked her to come in there and sit down for a real interview. Howard asked her where she grew up. She said she grew up in Sacramento and she used to look like Olive Oyl. She said she had to get out of there. Nicole told Howard that she loves him. Howard told her he never thought she should be with Eddie. She got the hell out of there after that. Howard told Michael that he had ''finished'' in that short time she was in the studio.
Howard read that Michael had put a tracking device on his girlfriend's car. Michael said that isn't true and that was written by the same guy who wrote that he was gay. He said they make stuff up like that all the time.
Howard told Michael that this chick Nicole isn't the kind of girl who is going to go out with just anyone. Howard said he gets it if he wanted to track her. Michael said that he wasn't doing that and it's impossible to do that anyway.
Michael said that there was a time when he and Nicole weren't together. He said they broke up for a while but he didn't want to get into that. Howard asked if it was the other guy who was accusing him of putting a tracking device in the car. Michael said that Howard is saying something that he didn't say. Howard said he was smiling though. Michael said he wasn't smiling, he has that gap in his teeth and he has to open his mouth to breathe.
Michael told Howard he was a regular guy until his divorce happened. That's when everything got crazy for him. He said that once you go through divorce you know what happens in a divorce. He said he took the high road in all of that.
Michael said he wanted to do the right thing in the divorce and he thinks that his ex-wife is a great person and his kids are great too.
Michael asked Howard if he had a lot of famous chicks. Howard told him to look at him. Michael said he's rich though so he could have gotten some chicks. Howard said he had Anna Nicole Smith. He was joking about that of course.
Howard gave Michael some plugs for his new show ''Brothers'' and asked if he's going to ask Eddie Murphy to do the show. He said he'd love to have him on. They've had some people like Mike Tyson, Snoop Dogg and some other people on the show. Michael said that Lisa Lampanelli was supposed to have something on the show and he's not sure what happened with that.
Howard asked Michael about his Super Bowl ring and if that was a big deal for him. He said it was a big deal and that's why he got out when he did. He figured it was best to get out while he was on top. Michael talked about how he loves his old coach but he was very strict with the rules and stuff. He said that he eventually learned and the players like working for him now.
Michael asked Howard if he's a ball buster. Howard said he's really not. He said this is nonsense and football is much more important.
Howard said he will watch ''Brothers'' and check it out. Michael told Howard that if he likes it he may send Nicole back to do an interview.
Howard said he grew up in the same neighborhood that Eddie Murphy grew up in. He said he never got the British accent like Eddie did though. Michael laughed and said that a lot of people get that accent. He said that Madonna got that too.
Howard asked Michael if he ever thought of getting that gap in his teeth fixed. He said he did think about it but the he figured he wouldn't be himself without it. He said he'd be able to say the letter S correctly too and he didn't want that.
Howard gave Michael some more plugs for his TV show and started to wrap up with him. Artie had more questions for him. He asked if he fucked Dr. Ian Smith. Michael said that he didn't. Howard told Artie that Michael is with Nicole. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back from break and sang along to the Beatles song a bit. Robin asked if he had seen that Beatles Rock Band game. Howard said he did see it and it makes him sad because kids won't be learning to play a real guitar. Robin said it made her sad to see John Lennon in the commercials.
Howard said he had a bunch of things to get to and started by taking some phone calls. A caller said that the Michael Strahan interview was great and he has the ability to make people interesting. Howard said that Nicole Murphy chick was really attractive. Howard said he took some pictures with her and she has a rack on her. He said he assumes they're fake but he doesn't care.
The caller kept interrupting Howard but he kept talking about Nicole. Howard said he's not sure he could last a second if she was bent over and he was inside of her. He said he pictures himself with chicks like that. Artie asked what nationality she is. Howard said it's the ''Hot'' nationality. Robin said she thinks that she's half white and half black. Howard said he's really into that look.
The caller asked if he had a Homeless game to play because he's strapped for money. He's a parking lot attendant. Howard said he understands.
Howard said they had that contest for the World's Strongest Woman contest and that girl who was in there laughing, Sarah, is the one they asked questions. He said that the caller, Dan, can win $711 from 7-Eleven if he wins. He said he really has to win though.
Howard played an example question which was ''What is 50 percent of 500?'' The girl, Sarah, said 50. Howard said she didn't know that so we can see she's not quite with it. Here are the rest of the questions:
Dan won the game since he got the first 3 right. Howard said he's not going to give money away for people who don't win anymore.
Howard said that chick is something else. He said that at least she understood that last question even if she didn't get the yeast infection thing right. Howard played more of the questions after that...
Howard predicts that NBC will stick with that show for about a year before they get rid of it. He said that they're very committed to it even though it's going to be bad. He said it's certainly not going to compete with Monday Night Football. He said this was his first night and it's going to be big ratings.
Howard read some email about Artie's Ed Torian impression. He said that people really like it. One guy said that he tried talking like that during the day and it hurt his voice. Artie has no problem speaking like that because he already has that gravely voice.
Howard said Sal and Richard got Ed to sing some songs while he was there yesterday. He played a clip of Ed singing ''Boom Boom Pow.'' Howard said they tried to get him to sing the ''Can a Nigga Get a Table Dance'' song but Ed had some trouble singing that fast. He played an example of that and Artie got a laugh out of that. Howard said that's a hard song to sing.
Howard said the guys got Ed to do some other stuff like ''Can I taste you juice'' clip and ''Droppin' loads all over your glasses'' and things like that.
Howard thanked the people at Klondike for putting up the money for the contest that ended yesterday. Robin said it worked out so well they have to do it again.
Howard said his mother called him about the interview he had with Dustin Hoffman. He said she didn't know his name until he reminded her. Howard did an impression of her telling him how fabulous he was with the interview. Howard had to explain to her where the money came from and how Hoffman would get it for a charity of his choice. Howard said his mother was yelling out to his father about everything as he was telling her about it. Howard did impressions of both his mother and father talking about how the whole contest works.
Howard had some email feedback about the contest as well. There was one guy who said that Marisa Tomei was good on the show too. Howard said a lot of people were upset that they didn't give it to her. Howard said the contest was about who was the most famous and not about it being the hottest chick. Howard said some people were really turned on by her and want her to come in for an interview.
Howard read some feedback about the Rod Blagojevich interview. Howard said some people thought they didn't do enough homework on the case and didn't get into that enough. Robin said that they couldn't get into that stuff because Rod wasn't going to answer it anyway.
Howard read some negative mail about his talking about Beth leaving. He said he's going to stop talking about that stuff then. Howard said that he got some more mail about how Leno stole that car driving bit from ''Top Gear.'' That led to the guys talking about some of the other bits that the Leno show has ripped off from them and from other shows.
Howard took a call from a guy who tried to get in a plug for a web site he was involved with. Howard ended up hanging up on him and calling him a douche bag.
Howard said that Jorge Posada had some kind of benefit show the other day. Steve Grillo went over and did some interviews. His first interview was with Jorge. Grillo asked him if he was excited about the game the night before and then asked him if a player had ever farted in his face while catching. Steve asked him other questions that Stuttering John used to ask guys like that.
Grillo asked Jorge about the Baba Booey pitch being the worst of all time. Jorge didn't know about that. He missed it. Jorge asked Steve to move on from some of the questions. He seemed to be okay with the questions at first but then he sounded kind of irritated by him and told Steve he was done after a few more.
Howard said Grillo got Derek Jeter. He played that clip next. Grillo asked Derek if he would ever have his head frozen like Ted Williams. Derek asked how he got in there. Howard said that's a legitimate question. He doesn't get why he wouldn't answer that one.
Howard said that it's weird that Ted Williams just wanted his head frozen. Howard said the prediction is that some day they'll be able to put the head on another body. Howard said he can imagine that it's the 50th century and they have this old head on an Adonis. He said that they might have Ted's head on a Nicole Murphy-like body. Howard said it would be great if man was so evolved that they gave him a body of a woman and he freaks out asking what the fuck that's all about. Howard said that would be great if he got all pissed about the body they gave him.
Howard said that Grillo got an interview with the publicist of the event. The publicist asked Steve what he asked Jorge. She asked Grillo what else he asked and that got him kicked out of the event. Howard played the audio of that and got back to joking about the Ted Williams thing. They had to take a break after that so they could get to Lisa Lampanelli.
Howard came back and asked what this guy was yapping about in the song. He said he likes the song but he's not sure what he's singing about. Robin said that it's a love song. Howard said he could use somebody like his wife but she's not around. Howard wondered if the guy sings about needing to whack off while his wife is away.
Howard said that those guys were willing to come in but they didn't want to perform so he said no. Howard said they would have come in 5 years ago and would have cum in their pants to be on the show. Robin said they'll be on eventually. Howard said he's going to make them sing the song forward and backward when they do eventually come in.
Gary said that they aren't morning people and they don't want to perform early like that. Howard said that when they are struggling and the want to come in, he's going to make them come in at 6am. They did that with the Goo Goo Dolls and the gay dance party. Howard said Gary has to tell them that when they need them, they're going to have to do a Gay Blow Job Party and they'll have to blow some guy named Leon.
Howard said Lisa was showing some boob this morning and she had some pink streaks in her hair. Lisa said that her boyfriend, Jimmy Big Balls, asked her to marry him too. She said that he didn't get on one knee because he is kind of big and it's hard for him to do that.
Howard said he cares about Lisa and he knows that show business is kind of crazy. He said he gets that but it's silly to get engaged after knowing each other for such a short time. Lisa said that they're getting married next year so she has a year to get to know him. Lisa said that her family loves him and nothing is really going to change. Howard said everything can change. He asked if she wants a baby. Lisa said she doesn't and she can't even get a dog. She said she wants to get a Chihuahua and make Jimmy walk that thing down the streets of Manhattan.
Howard said Lisa has an audio book coming out and she asked George Takei to read some of it for her. Howard said that's good for her. He said Lisa talked about why she wanted George to read her book in a clip on her web site. In the interview she says that she and George seemed to bond the one time that they met. She said that he's also a great combo platter of Jap and gay.
Howard heard that George got upset about that clip. Lisa said that he was offended by the strangest thing in that clip. Lisa said that her assistant got the email and Brad wrote to her about the ''J A P'' word being very offensive to them. Lisa said that they were very upset by that. Lisa said that they're angry with her over that. Lisa said she's not sure why it's offensive. Howard said that George grew up behind bars in an internment camp and that word was used there. Lisa said she gets that and she took the audio clip off her site as soon as she heard he was upset.
Lisa said she called Brad and told him that she wanted to talk to him about the note she sent and not talk to George. Brad simmered down a little and she told him that she took the clip down because she didn't want to make any enemies. Lisa said she asked a bunch of people to do it and George was nice enough to read the book. Lisa said that Brad said that it was water under the bridge and they were going to move on.
Howard said Joan Rivers was on the show recently. Lisa said that she's got all of these people against her now. Howard played the audio of Joan saying that Lisa was never going to be part of her roast and she lied about it.
Lisa told Howard that the truth is that she wasn't asked to do it. She said that she told Lisa G that she was not asked and that's why she didn't do it. Lisa said that she wasn't asked to be the roastmaster on the show and she had told Lisa G that in an interview. Lisa said that Comedy Central wanted her to be part of the panel but she didn't want to do it and told them she didn't want to do it. Lisa said that she told Lisa G to be an ''accurate Jew'' when she does her reports and that led to Howard asking if they should call her that in her news reports.
Howard said that Sandra Bernhard was in there last week too and there is some controversy there. Howard read some stuff in Lisa's book about Sandra giving her the finger at some show she did where Sandra was giving her the finger after every joke she made about her. Lisa gave Howard some of the history of that and she said that it was at the Jerry Lewis roast and Sandra just gave her the finger the whole time she was doing her set up there. She said she's very sensitive about that and she had to do what she could not to cry the whole time she was up there.
Lisa said that she has a double standard because she can bash people but she can't take it when people do it to her.
Howard said that Lisa is going to be signing books tonight in Tribeca at a Barnes and Nobel. You can find more dates at InsultComic.com.
Howard heard that the series that Lisa was working on with Jim Carrey is now kaput. Lisa said that it is dead just like every series she's tried to get started. She said that HBO asked them to rewrite the show over and over and they did it every time but the show was so good. Howard asked if Jim Carrey would call her and tell her this on his own. She said that they never talked that much and it was a few texts that she sent to him.
Howard said that it must be upsetting for something like that to happen. Lisa said it really was. She said that they told her that they just wanted to pass on the project. Lisa said she did make some money on the deal so that will help with her wedding. Lisa said that she feels like a total douche when something like this happens. She said that it feels like a failure of a show even though they never even got to shoot it.
Howard asked if Lisa went to the refrigerator and started to eat after that. Lisa said she started to work out instead. She said that she was all in love with Jimmy so it was no big deal at the time.
Robin said that Lisa was going to be in the Michael Strahan show too. Lisa said she was cut out of that too. She said that she shot the show and the show got picked up but she was cut out of it. She said that Michael thought she was great in it but they just cut her for time. She's not sure she believes that but that's what she was told.
Howard read that Lisa worked for Rolling Stone at one point. She said that she did do some interviews and did some other stuff there. Lisa said she hit 30 and she wanted to do other stuff so she got into comedy.
Howard read about Lisa interviewing Fred Gwynn and how she got to spend some time with him doing that. They talked about that for a short time.
Howard said Lisa asked Sarah Silverman to write something for her book and she sent her a 5 word quote saying ''Jesus this book is filthy.'' Howard said he sat down and wrote something for Lisa and she has that in her book too. Howard said Lisa has been great on the show and she always likes to come in when they ask her.
Howard read his quote where he talked about how great she is doing roasts and stand up. Lisa said that his quote was great and she wanted to put it on the cover. She was afraid that Don Buchwald would get upset with them for doing that so they took it off the cover.
Howard said she wrote some nice stuff about him in the book too. She said that he values his opinion much more than so many other people. Lisa said that asking a comedian to sit in for the news is like Johnny Carson asking a comic to sit down on the couch to her. Howard said he stopped doing that actually.
Howard asked Lisa why she masturbated in a public bathroom one time. Lisa said that she wanted to do that while she was in the fat camp she went to. Lisa said that she just rubs herself and it doesn't take much time. She said she started to break a sweat because it wasn't air conditioned in there. She said she was thinking about a fireman she was with when she did it that time.
Howard said he'd like to see Lisa get down to fighting weight. Lisa said she can't. She said that it just won't happen and she'll look too skinny. She said that her tits never go down no matter how much weight she loses.
Lisa told Howard about going to camp with Jimmy Big Balls and he lost 30 pounds in 3 weeks when they were there. She said that she can tell he lost the weight because when she's blowing him she can see his face now. Before the weight loss she couldn't see his face.
Lisa said that she and Jimmy are still having sex like 3 times a week. She said that they're very comfortable in front of each other. She said that's why you find someone who has a similar body. She said that Jimmy doesn't need her to talk that dirty to him but she likes him to talk dirty to her. Lisa said that she likes to hear him tell her to do stuff and she'll get into that. She said she'll never do what he asks her to do but she likes to hear it.
Howard gave Lisa some more plugs and then took a call from a guy who said he wanted to ask her if she had room for one more black dick. Lisa said he's going to have to wait until Jimmy dies or until she gets fat again. Howard told the guy to go down and see Lisa at her book signing and show off to her there.
Zolar called in and said that Lisa's hole is going to be huge no matter what. Lisa said that thing snaps right back and it's not like the Lincoln tunnel like Zolar said.
Another caller said that Kathy Griffin had some stuff to say about Lisa. She said she was bitch and didn't know what she was doing ''basically.'' Lisa said that she's a fan of Kathy's and she doesn't seem to have a problem with her. Gary said that Kathy didn't bad mouth Lisa in any way. They just looked it up.
Bong Hit Eric called in and asked what black athlete Lisa would like to fuck. Dead or alive. Lisa said Gale Sayers. Eric asked her how she keeps the odor away at her age. She said that she has to wash that thing like 3 times a day. She said that he might be right because at her age you do get a little ''ripe'' down there.
Another caller asked if Lisa takes it in the ass. She said that she has never done that but Jimmy turns her on by telling her how he'd do it to her. She said that she won't let him do it but the way he talks to her about it really turns her on.
Howard gave Lisa some more plugs for her book and book signings and then wrapped up. He told her that she'll get her shot eventually with the TV show thing. Lisa said that Artie has a great career and they've all had pilot opportunities and they just move on. Artie said that those things really bother him and he can't just move on. He told Lisa she'll be fine though.
Howard ended up asking Lisa about working at Rolling Stone and found out she interviewed Bon Jovi one time. She said that she had read that Jon had learned to play the ''harp'' not knowing that it was the harmonica. She told Jon she thought it must be hard to learn to play it thinking it was the huge harp instrument. She said she has all of that stuff on audio tape too so Howard said maybe they should put that on Howard 101.
Lisa made another apology to George Takei for what she said. She said that she was very appreciative that he took the time to do that for her since Bob Levy wasn't available. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked what happened to Bruce. Howard said he was on the show once and he was a cool guy. Artie said he was great.
Howard said he was reading about Russell Brand in the NY Post and saw that he and Katy Perry were making out. Howard said that upsets him for some reason. Howard said he thinks that she's hot. He heard that she likes to party and drink. Howard heard that she was making out with John Mayer in some club the other night too.
Howard said Jay Leno got huge ratings last night but that doesn't mean anything. He had a 12.3 and Conan got a huge lead in so he had good ratings too. Howard said he thinks that the plummet will be even more dramatic and by Friday it should be way down. By Monday it should be just about non-existent.
Artie said there might be something about Jay that America loves. Howard said ''No.'' He said that the reason it's big is because it was the first show and everyone wanted to see what was going on and to see Kanye West. Howard said he thinks the show is going to go down and down and that's it.
Howard said that as long as Dr. Ablow says that he's fit to go back on the air like that, they may bring him back.
Riley said that his firing nullifies his contract so maybe they could give him a cost of living raise if they have him back. Howard said he's pretty sure there won't be a raise. Howard said he can tell him he's pretty sure that he won't get that raise.
Riley said that Howard came up with this hair brained scheme to get him back on the air. He said that maybe he will try to eke him out a few more bucks.
Howard said he loves Riley trying to get a raise after he's been fired and doesn't even have a job offer. Howard said that he was doing an hour of work a week and making $1,600 a month doing it. Riley said that if they really liked him then they would work with him to give him more money.
Howard said that no one else is going to pay him that kind of money and he has to stop worrying about what he's making. Riley said that Howard is making so much he should be able to pay him some more money. Howard said what he makes doesn't matter.
Howard told Riley he hasn't proven anything. Howard told him that not one subscriber canceled their subscription when he was fired. Riley said that's because he didn't ask them to cancel. Howard said that subscriptions actually went up after he was fired. Riley asked why they had him there at all then. Howard said he likes Riley, that's why.
Howard said that Riley isn't appreciative at all. Riley said that he likes Howard but he can't stand him. He said that the information he has to share is very important to people. Howard said that his alien stories are all bull shit.
Howard asked Riley why he brought up Auschwitz. Riley said that he figured he'd have some compassion for people since his people suffered like his people have suffered. Howard told Riley he has a lot of work to do with Dr. Ablow. He said he was just testing him and he lost his temper and showed that he still needs a lot of work.
Howard said Riley needs a lot more sessions with Dr. Ablow. He keeps asking him for something and he can't give it to him. Howard said he isn't going to spend money on Riley. Riley thinks that he should spend money on him to keep him there. Howard said Dr. Ablow has a lot of work left to do with him.
Howard said that he gave Riley a job and gave him that forum to speak to people and he treats him like crap. Howard told Riley that Robin is going to spend thousands of dollars on her cat to give it a pace maker. Riley said that's commendable and he respects that.
Riley said that he has always been on Howard's side and Howard said he's on his side too. The two said some nice things about each other as they were saying goodbye.
Robin said this was fascinating to her and she thinks that Riley is really crazy after all of this. She said there is no straightening out there.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said that the L.A. Times bashed the new Jay Leno show saying that they know it's bad when the Bud Light commercial is funnier than the comedy show that they're interrupting.
Jon Hein was in and said that he thinks the show will do okay as long as the rest of the prime time shows are in repeats. Jon said that the show is pretty much the old Tonight Show without Stuttering John.
Steve said that Eric the Midget will be doing some comedy at a comedy show in December. He may have to put that off because he may need surgery to relieve fluid pressure around his heart though so that may be delayed.
Steve said that Richard Christy cried like a baby when his favorite show ''King of the Hill'' had it's series finale on Sunday night. He claims that his girlfriend came in and laughed at him when she saw him crying. Howard said Richard was really creepy with that show and talked about how he was able to relate to the show because it reminded him of home.
Howard said that Richard cried when a character died on that cartoon. He asked him about what the ''judging meat'' in the show meant. Richard had said that was one of the things that reminded him of home. Richard said they used to have this 4H club he was in and they learned where the meat came from and then they'd judge the cuts of meat they had. Richard said it was mostly about asking where the meat came from and how old the meat was.
Howard didn't get what Richard was talking about. He asked where he goes to get judged. Richard said there are ways of looking at meat and judging it. He said he wasn't that good at it himself. Richard said they used to raise hogs to sell and they'd end up going to the slaughterhouse. He said that pigs are really smart too so he always felt bad about selling them. Richard said he and his sister made money doing that. He said they'd cry when they'd sell them.
Howard asked Richard about the pigs and found out that they make good pets. Richard said they used to brush them and they loved it and would arch their backs like a cat would do. Richard said every kid would end up crying at the fair after they sold their hogs. Howard said that's really rough. He can't imagine doing that to an animal.
Howard said ''Speaking of pigs... you look fatter than ever.'' Richard said he tries to run 4 miles a day. Howard asked him about the awful watch he was wearing. It was black and orange for Halloween. Artie said he's been wearing Halloween themed t-shirts for the past few weeks too.
Howard told Richard to grow up because Halloween was created for kids to get candy. Richard said that it's not about that and adults can enjoy it too. He said he was watching a special about Zacharly on TV. Howard said he was into him too but he was 4 at the time.
Howard thanked Richard for coming in and kicked him out of the studio. Steve got back to his news preview and said that Shuli has been told he misses his ''Shalom Beotch'' sign off on the news. Howard said Shuli stopped doing it after he came up with the new rules about the sign offs. Howard said he's fine with it if Shuli does it. He said that he could say ''Shalom Beotch... Shuli Egar, Howard 100 News.'' Howard said Lisa can do that but she has to stick to the format. Howard said Steve barely even gets his name out there when he signs off.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of what they were going to be talking about today. They ended up talking about Nicole Murphy for a short time during that. Howard said he found her very feminine and he can imagine what he'd do to her. Howard said she's the former Mrs. Eddie Murphy and she's quite a gal.
Robin brought up the VMAs and how they had 11 million viewers. Howard said he liked it and thought it was well produced. Howard said it was pretty fun.
Robin said that the fall out from Kanye West's antics are still hitting the ground. She said that he was on Jay Leno's show last night and had to address those antics where he took the microphone from Taylor Swift and said that Beyonce had made one of the best videos of all time. Robin had some audio of Kanye talking about the incident and realizing that he was wrong for doing it. Artie said that whole segment was very awkward and Kanye almost cried so it was just weird.
Howard had some audio of Pink talking about how she wished that she won because she would have used her purse with brass knuckles on it to go after him. Pink was on the Today Show talking about that. She said she thinks that Kanye is a waste and a tool box. The interviewer asked her to stop after asking her to talk about him.
Howard had some audio of Taylor Swift talking about how she felt too. Howard said that you don't step into a woman's space like that unless you're asked. He said that's what Kanye did to her and it just wasn't right. Howard heard that Taylor went back stage and cried after that incident.
Robin read some news about Jay Leno's new show. Howard said that Leno's show was never funny even when it was the Tonight Show. Howard said he knew the first night ratings would be big but by next week they should be low.
Robin had some audio of Jay talking to Jerry Seinfeld and Oprah Winfrey on the show. They had Oprah on a monitor in the studio. Oprah ignored Jay in the bit. Howard said you have to love bits like that. That led to Howard and Fred doing their Stuttering John impressions talking about what kind of guests they're going to end up having in a couple of weeks.
Robin read about Patrick Swayze's death. He died at 57 after battling cancer for 2 years. Robin brought up some of the movies that he was in and how he became an icon back in the 1980s. She had some audio from a 2005 interview where he talked about the popularity of ''Dirty Dancing.'' He was also talking about the ''loneliness of stardom'' which Howard didn't understand. Howard said he has more friends than ever being a star.
Robin had Howard playing a few clips of Swayze talking about his career and stardom. He wanted to live a simple, rural lifestyle. Howard said you don't become a star to live a life like that. Robin had some audio of Barbara Walters talking about her interview with Swayze.
Robin brought up the story about this Yale student whose body was finally found. She said that they have zeroed in on a suspect. She said that they found scratch marks on his chest and the girl put up a fight from what they could tell. Howard said that she was working on a cure for diabetes and they lost a great mind there.
Howard talked about how there are these guys out there who will go after women thinking that they have to respond to them. He said they have a screw loose in their heads. Howard said they lost this great mind to some jerk.
Robin said hopefully they have the guy who did this to her. Howard said that with a brain like that you don't go to Nassau Community. Artie said he heard that it was a pretty violent death too. Howard said that's what he heard. He hopes that they have DNA evidence showing that it was that guy they caught.
Robin read about this Phillip Guerrito guy who kidnapped Jaycee Duggard 18 years ago. Robin said they set his bail at $30 million. Robin said she saw the back yard of this guy's house and it was like a shanty town. The neighbors never complained and she can't imagine why that is. Howard said that people are afraid of their neighbors and they won't call about things like that.
Artie said that guy had a parole officer who would visit the house and he never noticed what was going on. He said that's pretty scary. He said that someone might need to look into that guy.
Robin mentioned yesterday that Oprah was going to get the first interview with Jaycee Duggard. Howard said that's why Oprah is the devil. Howard said she isn't fit to go on TV after basically being in jail for 18 years. Howard said Oprah would suck the blood of any human being that she could. Robin said people think Oprah is wonderful when she does this stuff.
Howard said Oprah is so fat again. He said she's really got a weight problem. Robin said she has to check it out. She said she recorded it but hasn't watched the Whitney Houston interview yet. Howard said he loves that Oprah doesn't have her shit together even with all of that money she has.
Howard did an impression of Oprah eating all of the food she must eat. He said that her friend Gayle can't say anything to her. Gayle stays in shape though. Howard said he wouldn't want to be known as Oprah's trainer after all of this.
Howard said he wants to see this guy Gueritto get that bail. He said he bets that Oprah would give it to him if he agreed to go on her show.
Robin said that Elton John is being denied the opportunity to adopt a child. Howard said Elton knows the fmaily and he wanted to adopt the child but they've said no to him. Robin sadi that the boy is HIV infected. The boy's age is coming into play there and they say that the Ukranians won't allow an adoption to people over the age of 45 and they have to be married and not in a same sex marriage.
Robin read about this woman who isn't being allowed to compete in a running competition because she's a hermaphrodite. Howard said this woman didn't know she wasn't a full woman and she shouldn't be punished for that. Robin said that the woman doesn't have much feminine about her. She said that she has hair all over her face and things like that.
Robin said that Artemis Pyle was acquitted for not registering to be a sex offender and some other stuff. The jury found him innocent. Robin said that Artemis found it very stressful and even more stressful than the plane crash he was involved in with the band Lynyrd Skynyrd.
Robin read a story about Oprah Winfrey doing her show from Central Park soon. Robin said that this is probably to raise her ratings up a bit. Howard said she should stay out on the road if that's the case.
Howard said that she should do the show from Central Park all the time if it makes her show better. Howard said maybe she'll want him on but he'll play hard to get.
Robin read a story about some NFL players who are going to donate their brains to science. Howard said he would never do that. He doesn't want kids chopping up his brain.
Robin said that there is a democratic primary going on in New York City today. Howard said he got something in the mail about it but he didn't understand it so he threw it out. Robin said she must not be registered as a democrat because she didn't get anything in the mail.
Robin read that they're trying to ban smoking in city parks and beaches. Howard said he likes that. He said he's against smoking all together. Howard said that he hates that smell wherever he goes. Howard said he's way into the Mayor trying to get rid of the smoking.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has herpes and he wants to know if he should tell his girlfriend that. Howard said he should tell her right away. He said that he should get a t-shirt. The caller said it could be ''Got Herpes?'' The caller thanked him for taking his call.
Robin read more about this smoking ban and played some audio of some people talking about it. Howard said he hates when people smoke around him and he is really anti-smoking. Howard said that people should do it alone in a room somewhere.
Robin had some news about Mark Knopfler coming out with a new album. She also had some news about Janet Jackson coming out with a new single. She samples some of her brother's song ''Don't Stop Till You Get Enough.'' Howard said you can barely hear her singing on her songs anymore. Howard said her tribute to her brother was really lame and it looked like she was pissed. He didn't think it was a good tribute. Artie said he liked it when she was dancing to her brother and they should have done that the whole time. He said it showed how much better a dancer her brother was though.
Robin read about Megan Fox and that led to Howard talking about how she's really not that great of an actress. He said that she has been getting bashed by the crew from the Transformers movies too. Robin had some audio of Megan talking about her sex symbol status. In the clip she said she was ''thrown into'' a movie that made $800 million. She said that she feels blessed but it's also a scary line she has to walk. Howard said that this reminds him of some other actresses who take their careers too seriously. He said she should just behave herself.
Robin had a bunch of other clips of Megan talking and the guys were talking about how it's probably fine if you're in the room with her when you can look at her but in the clips it's hard to take. Fred played a gun loading clip and then a gun shot going off.
Robin said that the new Biggest Loser show starts tonight. Howard said he gave up on that show last season. He's done with that.
Robin read about Prince Harry turning 25 today. That entitles him to his portion of the estate left to him by his mother Princess Diana. That should get the two boys $13 million to split. He doesn't even have to worry about being king because he's the second born son. They had to end the show after that, right around 10:40am.
Jon said that Strahan just rolled with most of what Howard threw at him. Gary said that this is how you do it and publicists should pay attention to that. There was one line that he drew and that was asking his girlfriend crazy stuff.
Jon said that Nicole did come in to say hello but she was in and out pretty quick. Gary said that he had to run and get a wireless mic because she refused to get too close to another one. Jon said she's apparently a fan but didn't want to be on the air.
Gary said that he has a million questions for Nicole. He said that he wanted to ask her about Eddie being arrested for rubbing a transsexual's feet and things like that.
Jon brought up the NFL pranks that Michael was talking about. They went over some of that stuff and talked about how the guys in sports always have penis and balls involved in their pranks. Gary said that when you're a manly man doing it you can kind of get away with it. They also talked about the guy pissing on the other guy and Gary said that's disgusting. He said he saw that happen in high school and it was bad back then too.
Jon said that Michael was talking about the press getting everything wrong in his personal life so he wondered how you battle something like that. Gary said he got the feeling that his ex-wife was using the media to leverage him but he wasn't sure where the media was getting their information.
Jon asked Gary if he thought that Michael was thrown off when Howard asked him about how hot she is and how he must not be able to keep up with that. Gary said that he is Michael Strahan so he can get chicks like that.
Richard came in and said that what Michael was talking about the NFL guys doing is the same kind of stuff he and Sal do. He said that he had the same kinds of things happen to him in high school too. He said that they used to get towel snapped and things like that.
Gary said he knew a guy who would get a can of Right Guard and spray guys in the ass with the stuff while another guy pulled down the guy's underwear. He said that's just gay to him.
Richard told the guys about a guy who used to piss on his back in the shower all the time. He said he'd turn around and the guy would be pissing all over him. He used to lock him in a locker to get back at him. He said another guy shit on his windshield so he rubbed the guy's nose in that.
Gary said that some guys used to throw a ball of tape that would leave a welt on you if you got hit. That would happen in the locker room too.
Jon asked Richard about what Howard was saying to him about the whole Halloween thing. Richard was just laughing and said that he's 35 and you can't teach an old dog new tricks. He said if he's still alive at 75 he can imagine doing the same stuff going to haunted houses and stuff.
Gary said he hates dressing up in a costume and he will put on the least he can if he goes to a costume party. He said he once dressed up as Mike Piazza by putting on a Mets jersey and drawing a moustache on his face.
Richard said he can't get into chess like Howard does and he guesses that Howard is the same way with the whole Halloween thing.
Richard said he has a lot of Halloween clothing and stuff that he wears around this time of year. He has Halloween socks, underwear, t-shirts and a bunch of other stuff. He said he just got a Halloween shower curtain and toilet cover with rug. He said that it's all Halloween.
Richard said he loves the whole Halloween thing and he used to dress up as Michael Myers on his friends porch so he could scare the crap out of the kids. He said that was a lot of fun. Richard said he doesn't go out and trick or treat. He said he does the ''mature'' thing and goes to haunted houses and stuff.
A caller said that they can't defend what Richard does and he can't see Jon doing that. Richard said it's all ''guy fun'' and it's goofy to get naked and snap towels on guy's asses. He said that guys don't throw firecrackers at guy's feet, you get naked and stuff like that.
Gary said he once saw Sal almost get his ass beaten by Ron Jeremy. Sal tried to give him a Roman helmet and Ron freaked out. He said that Sal thinks that he must love to have balls on his head but he obviously didn't.
Richard said Ron came to a comedy show a few years ago and all three of them whipped their cocks out. They looked like babies next to him though.
Another caller said that he had to defend Richard on the Halloween thing. He said it's something he enjoys doing. He said it wasn't really wrong for Howard to tell him it was wrong though. The guy said Richard should keep doing it if he enjoys it.
Richard said the Halloween thing is a big thing these days and it's not that weird. Richard went on and on about how he loves everything that has to do with Halloween.
Jon took another call from a guy who said Richard takes everything to the extreme. He does that with the Halloween stuff and with the gay stuff they do on the show.
Richard said sometimes he has nightmares where he thinks he forgot to celebrate Halloween and freaks out about it.
Another caller said that he and his wife celebrate Halloween but what gets him is that Artie drops six figures for Yankee tickets and Richard turns into the asshole for liking Halloween. Gary said that it may be more conventional to like baseball than it is to like Halloween.
Gary said they're not giving Richard a hard time about liking Halloween. They're just pointing out that he's way into it. He said that Halloween seems to consume him from August on. Richard said it does. He said he bathes himself in it. He has everything pumpkin related from his coffee to pumpkin beer.
Gary asked Richard if it bothers him that Howard doesn't like it. Richard said he just lets it roll off his back. He said he's going to do it no matter what anyone thinks.
Another caller asked Richard where in Kansas he's from. Richard said it's near Fort Scott. The caller was from Kansas as well. The guy said that's the kind of stuff they're into out there because they have nothing better to do.
The caller asked Gary if he could help Howard out by helping him make a tape or something for Beth. Gary said that he asked Howard out to dinner next week. Artie did too.
Richard said they get a lot of fake vaginas there and he wonders if Howard would consider banging one of those things. Benjy said they should give Howard first choice. Gary said they got a fake feet thing that you can jerk off in too.
Jon asked Richard about working with Ed Torian on those songs and stuff. Richard said he loves working with him and he's the nicest guy. He said that they ask Ed if he wants to do it and he's totally cool about it. Richard said he has a great voice too.
Richard said that Crackhead Bob got mad at them and he won't work with them anymore. He got freaked out over them asking him to do some gay prank calls. Gary said that Bob was really mad the day after and he called and told him that. Richard said he doesn't want to work with them anymore and he totally understands that.
A caller asked the guys about Rob Zombie being into the same stuff that Richard is into. Richard said he's right about that and he'd like to make his life all about that kind of stuff like Rob has done.
Benjy said he wonders if the people who are reviewing Jay's show now ever watched his Tonight Show and reviewed it. Jon said he thinks that they were reviewing this new show because Jay claimed it was going to be something new. It was basically just the same format as the old Tonight Show though. Gary said people love Jay for some reason and he thinks that people are going to stick with the show for a while.
Another guy from Kansas said there really isn't anything to do out there so he knows why Richard is so into the whole Halloween thing. Gary asked why Richard doesn't dress up like Cupid for Valentine's day and like a Pilgrim for Thanksgiving. Richard said he loves the horror thing and all of that. He said he is fascinated with the supernatural and he loves there's a holiday that celebrates all of that.
Gary asked Richard if he's into that ghost stuff where they say you can record voices and stuff. Richard said he's tried that at some places and he heard nothing at all. He said all he heard was himself snoring on the tape.
Richard said he doesn't believe in ghosts and stuff but he is scared of death so he's looking to find out what happens when you die. He said that he wants to know what happens when he dies. He said it's very scary that it's possible that you don't exist for eternity.
Gary said he doesn't think all that much about an afterlife. He said that when you're dead there is nothing to think about. Benjy said he gets obsessed with that stuff sometimes and he gets bummed out about dying. He said you just have to put it out of your mind though.
Richard said he doesn't believe in any afterlife. He said he thinks that they would have found out something by now if there was. He said that if there is a heaven then he'd like to go there but he doesn't believe there is one. He said that he would like to have his head frozen like Ted Williams did but he's pretty sure he can't afford to have anything frozen when he dies.
Richard said he wants there to be something of him left when he's gone. He said he thinks that people in the entertainment business want to live on some way and that's why they get into the business. He said that Howard will be remembered hundreds of years from now because of what he did. That led to them talking about how Baba Booey may go on even longer than Howard's memory does. Gary said they have to keep perpetuating that whole thing so it can live on.
Jon took a call from a guy who said there is nothing wrong with the Halloween thing but he's taking it too far. He said he's just a fanatic about it and it's too much. They had to go to break after that.
Jon brought up Lisa Lampanelli's visit today and asked Gary what he thought about her look today. Gary said that she had her boobs showing and had that pink streak in her hair like Sal's wife had. Gary said that Lisa is 48 and she's never been married and when you get to that age there's no reason to wait. He said that they're getting married in 15 months so they're not rushing it too much. Gary said that once you get married you kind of wonder what to do next though.
Jon asked Richard about when he's going to get married. Richard said they haven't talked much about it. They've been together for almost 4 years now. He said that guys are never in a hurry to get married. Richard said they've been living together for 4 years so in a few more years they'll be common law married.
Benjy asked Richard if he ever thinks about there being another girl who would like haunted houses even more. Richard said she's perfect and he'll never find someone like her again.
Richard said he's waiting until next year to find out what's going on with the show. He said he doesn't want to go too crazy and get married and then go into debt. Gary said that he's not going to find another woman who is okay with him crying to King of the Hill's series finale. Richard said she's not even a fan of that show. He said she was reading a Twilight book while he was watching that.
Gary asked Richard what he does for his girlfriend that he hates doing. Richard said he hates the beach but he goes with her. He said he brings an umbrella and a hat and 70 SPF suntan lotion. He said he just lays there and listens to his headphones. He said he hates the heat and would rather be inside with the air conditioning. Gary said he thinks that's what most guys are like.
Gary said that he took the kids to the beach this summer but he wondered when they were going home as soon as they put their chairs out.
Jon got back to the Lisa Lampanelli thing and brought up her upsetting George Takei. Gary said that he's a sensitive guy and it was upsetting to him that she used that J word (Jap). Gary said that he figured at this point George would know that Lisa is going to jab at him over something. That's what she does for a living.
A caller, Pete from Pittsburgh, said he thinks that Lisa is a phony and her HBO show is going to fail. He thinks that she uses Lisa G to get more attention on the show. Gary said she's very funny and he's seen her performing live. He said that she is ''fuckin funny'' but that's just his opinion.
Pete said that Lisa just wants the free plugs that she gets from being friends with Lisa G. Gary said that she's not getting that many plugs and that would be going a long way just for a couple of plugs. Gary said he thinks that they both get a kick out of each other because they're so opposite.
Pete had a theory about Robin trying to get back in with her people by defending Michael Vick. Gary said he doesn't think that Robin sees colors like that. Pete said that back in the 90s Robin was embarrassed to be black and that's what he felt. Gary said that he can't throw it out there like it's a fact because it's not. Pete said that was just his observation. They left it at that and moved on.
Another caller said he thinks that Lisa Lampanelli is one of the greatest female guests that they have on the show. He said that Joan is slow paced and boring and Lisa is quick paced and moves it right along. He said that Kathy Griffin isn't as good either.
The caller said he liked Strahan as a football player but he didn't think his sitcom was going to work out. He said he likes him as an announcer though and it's a shame the show may not work.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Lisa is awesome and she does a great job mixing things up there on the show. He said he thinks that Howard recognizes that and that's why he has her on the show. Gary said Howard thinks she's funny so that's why she's on the show. Benjy said that a hot girl on the show is always good too.
Another caller said that Lisa Lampanelli sucked balls. He said he hates her voice and everything about her. He said that it's old and boring. The guy also didn't think that her marriage was going to last. He said he hopes that she gets pregnant and never appears on the show again.
Another caller said he agreed with that guy about Lisa being horrible. He said that she's not funny at all. He said that talking about black guys the way she does isn't funny.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Lisa has given them a lot of credit over the years and she gives them plugs all the time up there in Massachusetts. Jon said she has always given Howard credit for her success. Gary said that she's one of those people who would never give up on them no matter how successful they got. Gary coughed out Jerry Seinfeld's name under his breath as he was talking about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Howard is losing touch with the current era. He said that Howard is getting older and he grates on him sometimes. He thinks that he should leave while he's on top. Gary said he'd like to know more examples of what he doesn't like. The caller didn't really have anything though.
Gary said that Howard's show has always been about what he likes and if you like it then you listen. The caller said that Howard and Artie will talk about how bad new songs are and things like that. He said it's not 100 percent all the time and that's why he still loves Howard.
Jon asked Gary if he's gotten any feel for what Howard is going to do next year. Gary said maybe he'll get something out of him if he goes out to dinner with him. Gary said he gets all of his news about that on the radio.
Richard said Howard has talked about how he's going to let the staff know about a year before. Benjy asked if they know because he might not be in on that whole thing. No one knows what Howard is going to do.
Another caller asked to talk to Richard off the air because he had a good target for some prank calls. They said they'd put him on hold for that. He also said that he thinks that Riley Martin is a crazy guy and Artie has gotten away with a lot of stuff on the show too so he's wondering how many sessions he has to go through to get his job back. The caller thinks that Howard should let Riley come back to work and stop treating him the way he is.
The caller said that Howard gave Sal a hard time about using the N-word and things like that but then he hears old shows where Howard was throwing the N-word around like crazy.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he has an opinion on Rock Band and how his kids started playing real instruments after playing those type games. Gary said that he agrees with him because he has seen kids get into music because of those games. Jon has Beatles Rock Band and he said that his kids are enjoying it and his daughter is learning guitar because she has played those types of games and she got into music. They spent a minute talking about that and how it can inspire you to play real instruments when you do play. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show asking if the show was over yet. He realized it wasn't so he took a phone call. The caller asked if Howard got Ed Torian back to cover some more songs. Howard said he was listening to some of that on the replay on Monday and it was funny.
Howard said Ed came in to give Shawn King a lie detector test and she said she was going to do that. On Monday she said it was a scheduling conflict and didn't show up. She thought their show was on at 5 o'clock at night. Howard said he thinks she tried to get out of taking the test. She rescheduled for today and then last night they found out that she won't be coming in today either. There were claims that her lawyer told her not to do the test.
The caller said that there's a picture of Obama in the paper today that makes him look like a Voodoo witch doctor. That was in the NY Post. Howard said the racism is all over the place. He said the Kanye West thing is another one. He said that if Keith Urban had gotten up during a Beyonce speech and interrupted, like Kanye did with Taylor Swift, then people like Jesse Jackson would be coming out of the woodwork to go off on them.
Howard said that people getting up and interrupting President Obama is another outrage. He and the caller talked about that for a short time.
Howard said they had audio of this guy Ellis Lankster from a press conference where he was saying ''Like uhm, like uhm, like uhm...'' a lot during his answers. Howard said he must lack confidence when he speaks. The guys took those clips and put them into the ''Mmm Bop'' song. Howard quickly played that clip and moved on to the next thing.
Howard said this announcer went nuts during a football game. He played the clip of him yelling about this catch that was made where the guy ran an 87 yard touchdown. Howard played that clip and said he could never get that excited about anything. Gary said that almost ended the game but the other team had like 8 seconds left to try and catch back up. Howard said maybe if someone told him that he had a bunch of free lap dances he'd be that excited.
Robin said that's what it's like the first time you go to a gym. Howard said he was kind of humiliated the first time he went. He wanted to lose 10 pounds before even going to the gym. He said he didn't want people watching him run and exercising. Howard said he is very concerned with what other people think of him. He said that's what he's working on in therapy.
Howard said he doesn't know how the clock thing works in a chess game. He said he has to learn how to do that and also write down your moves to keep track of everything. He doesn't know how to do that either. Howard said he usually plays on the internet so the computer does everything for him.
Howard said he gets intimidated by a lot of stuff and he hates to look stupid so he locks himself in a room so he doesn't have to do anything new. Howard said when he does walk into a new situation he gets a lot of attention but then he can't concentrate on it.
Howard said at one point Lady Gaga was wearing a mask covering half her face. He figured she had a butter-face but he couldn't even tell. Howard said maybe her song ''Poker Face'' should be ''Butter Face.'' Howard said he should have done the same thing in his career so he can't even make fun of her for wearing the masks. He said he'd love to be able to cover up his face like that.
Robin said he she saw a picture of Howard and Beth jogging together and they looked good. Howard said that was nonsense and he wishes they would just leave him alone with that stuff.
Howard pointed out that Lady Gaga was out in the audience and she was wearing a different mask after she showed up in the one mask. Then she had another one on after her performance and it was like a bee keeper's mask. She had her whole face covered up. She accepted her award in that. Howard said she went off and changed outfits again and she had this thing circling her face. He said she's a weird girl. Howard said that's a bad self image when you have to do that kind of stuff.
Howard said Benjy was doing that for a while and he got upset with him. Benjy said he was wearing African Dudus to work. They talked about that for a short time and Howard said maybe he was on to something.
JD came in and said that Lady Gaga is trying to be some kind of weird performance artist or something. JD said he hates her. He said there's this big club guy by the name of Lee Bowery and he used to do the same thing and he didn't have a problem with it. He said he does have a problem with Lady Gaga doing it.
JD said he's afraid that she's a guy too. Howard said she's not a dude. Howard told him that she doesn't have a penis. JD said ''Okay!''
Howard asked JD if he would go out with Lady Gaga. JD said he wouldn't but he would like to go out with Katy Perry. Howard said he's surprised that JD doesn't like that kind of music because he's into that techno stuff. Fred played his techno theme song and JD said he doesn't even like that.
Howard said JD needs a month with his dad. He said he would humiliate him into stopping that laugh. Howard said his dad was never interested in having a son from what he could tell but his mother made him do it. Howard said his father said that he didn't care how many kids they had as long as he didn't have to take care of them.
Howard said his sister told him that his impression of their father sounds like Dracula. He was doing a little bit of that impression during the discussion.
Howard said he was like a pet to his parents. He said his father seemed to like his sister better than him. He said he didn't have a problem if she had bad grades in school but when he did he would flip out on him. Howard said his dad would straighten JD right out with that laugh though.
Howard said his dad would be calling JD a moron and emasculating him. Howard said he always felt like a woman when he did that to him. Howard said he should have been a woman. He said his dad always told him what was right and what was wrong. Artie said he was probably never right. Howard said that's right, his dad was right and he was always wrong.
Howard said his mom wanted to name him Harvey and his father threatened to leave her if she did that. Howard said that Harvey is the worst name on the planet. He said it's even worse than Fred. Fred said they're nearly the same level.
Howard said there are no cool Howard's out there other than Howard K. Stern. That led to him talking about how Artie's girlfriend thought that he had slept with Anna Nicole Smith. Howard said there are other people out there who think the same. He got an email from a guy who said that a lot of people down in South Carolina think the same thing.
Howard read that email and the guy was saying that people down there will argue with him that Howard Stern and Howard K. Stern are the same guy. Howard said that's a really weird thing.
Howard said he got some email about Michael Strahan's interview on yesterday's show. People liked him as a guest and were surprised that he was as good as he was. Howard said he liked the guy too.
Howard said people were telling him to stop talking about Jay Leno. They've heard enough about him. Howard said one guy wrote in about how awful the first show was and how he had inspired him to watch that first show.
Howard said Grillo was obsessed with that question about the panties. He said that's not the one to stick to. He said that not one person answered it. Howard played Grillo trying to ask Joe Perry some questions. Joe wasn't answering him.
Grillo got an interview with a band called New Boys. They didn't know who Ted Kennedy was. They were also asked to describe Howard Stern in one word. One of the guys said ''Retired.'' They rapped about him a little bit for Howard too.
Howard said Grillo got Nelly Furtado. Grillo asked her if her panties smelled better than Britney Spears. She said it was a ''stinky question.''
Grillo got Shakira and asked if she had ever shit her pants. She didn't answer of course. She said ''Pardon?'' and moved on. Artie told him to send that one over to the Radio Hall of Fame. Howard said he would but it's all boarded up.
Howard said Grillo got this guy Pit Bull. He didn't know who that was either. Grillo asked the panties question again and someone had to interpret. The interpreter asked it but didn't really get much of an answer. That was it for his interviews.
The caller asked Howard what he wants from therapy. Howard said he wants his mother's voice out of his head. Robin told him that will never happen.
Howard said his mother wasn't happy when she found out he was in therapy. She doesn't believe in that so she told him that he doesn't need that. Howard said he told her he wants to be different than her for once. He did an impression of her talking to him about the therapy. Howard said she used to tell him that she'd help him figure it all out herself. Howard said his mother tried therapy once but it didn't work out for her.
Howard said he's brought up that he wants to reduce the number of sessions he has but his shrink won't let him. He was going 4 days at one point. Now he's back to 3 days and that's too much too.
Howard said you'd think he'd check into it to make sure he was spelling finale correctly. Howard said he would never write on Facebook if he was that retarded.
Howard said he feels retarded so he makes a lot of mistakes. He said he can spell but he screws up with his big fingers. Howard said he can't imagine making that big of a mistake with the finale thing though. He said you see a lot of that stuff on Facebook and it makes you lose respect for people.
Howard got another note about George Takei playing the Newlywed Game together when that show is brought back. Howard said he thinks that they failed horribly on this show when they played it there.
Howard said someone was accusing Jay Leno of ripping him off again. Fred said there was more than one emailer who wrote in about it. It turns out Jay made Michael Moore sing on the show to get plugs. Howard has done that with strippers and people like that on his show.
Robin said she tried to watch Leno's show last night but she tuned out to watch a drama and never tuned back in. Howard said the show is horrible and it will fail.
Howard said Sal was telling him how horrible Jay's monologue was. Howard said that stuff doesn't work in that time slot. Howard said at 11:30 you have the same kind of shows up against you and people are looking for stuff about that day's news. He said they're not looking for that at 10 o'clock. Howard said he would be booed off stage for doing that stuff at a comedy club.
Howard thanked this guy Mike over at Warner Brothers for sending over a box set of CDs, booklets and everything Neil Young. Howard said they had videos and all kinds of other stuff and it probably cost a few hundred bucks. Howard said he's a huge fan but he gave that stuff to his daughter.
Howard said this stuff was ridiculous because there was so much to it. He said it was like they found ever piece of tape they could and put it in this box set. Howard said he's a huge Neil Young fan and told his daughter to check it out. He said it was so heavy that he had to get his daughter a cab to carry it home. Howard said the thing must have weighed 25-30 pounds.
Howard played a clip from the Jay Leno show where Jay told Michael Moore he had to earn his shot at getting in a plug. Howard said that's definitely a bit they ripped off. The way Jay was describing it was exactly the way they would tell a guest they had to do something to earn it. Howard goofed on Jay about that for a short time and got back to the bit. Moore said he was told back stage he had to earn it and it was his idea to sing a song.
Howard said Leno also ripped off that green car bit from a show in England. Howard said they're ripping off bits like crazy over there. Fred did an impression of Jay talking about playing ''what's in my pouch'' next. Howard said he really hates Jay with his bits. He said he's an ''unoriginal mother fucker.''
Howard said that Moore seemed to like doing the song. He said that the trick is to get someone to do something that they don't want to do. Howard said he's embarrassed for everyone on that show. He was cringing hearing this clip. He said he wasn't sure he could play it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to stop talking about the Leno show because it's so bad. Howard said he's not afraid to plug it because it's so bad that people will just stop watching it. The caller said that his promoting it is helping him get ratings.
Howard wondered how Underdog Lady is doing. Fred played a clip of her saying ''BE-WARE!'' so Howard wondered what was up with her. He said she was in the hospital for an infection in her finger that she claims came from a cat bite.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him about Beth and if he thinks that the career could be too much and he'd have to bring her back by having a kid. Howard said he gets what he's saying and he doesn't think that Beth wants a baby. Howard said her friend Kelly just had a baby and she was talking about how cute it was. Howard said she said it would be nice to have one and he started to think ''Uh oh...'' Howard said he'd rather Beth have a career than a baby.
Robin asked Howard if Beth had to stay away all the time. Howard said a long distance relationship wouldn't work for him. He said that's when trouble starts to brew. Howard said he's happy she's doing what she's doing and wishes she'd come home. Howard said she should want to come home because he's such a prize.
Howard said Regis lives in his building and caught him crying in the elevator so he comforted him there. Howard said he's doing fine without Beth around but he does miss her.
Howard said he is getting out of the house and doing things. He said he is exciting though so Beth should be missing him.
Howard said the party follows him around and he didn't get married to be apart from her. Robin said she's not sure why Howard even got married. She said it's ridiculous to get married just to miss that person when she goes away. Robin said she would never put a guilt trip on someone for going away like she did. Howard said he didn't put a guilt trip on her and Robin doesn't know what she's talking about.
Howard said he knows that Robin is looking for a husband. Robin said he doesn't know anything and asked who he's talking to. Howard said she said on the air that she would get married. Robin said that she's doing just fine the way she is.
The caller asked if they had a game to play. Howard said he thinks he's all gamed out. Gary told him he has a game to play if he wants to. Howard wondered why he was letting this guy play a game after he just told him to stop whining.
Gary came in with a game to play. He said they have some questions from a Homeless game. They have more from Sarah the laughing naked girl. Gary said he thinks they should go to that one because Sarah was good. Howard asked Gary if he had any money for the game. Gary started to load up the CD but Howard told him he should be getting him the plugs instead. The $500 in prize money was from Steven Singer Jewelers.
Howard told the guy, Jamie, he had to get 3 out of 5 correct. This was the girl Sarah from last week's World's Strongest Naked Woman game who laughed through the whole segment. Here are the questions and her answers:
Howard said the guy won already. He got the first 3 right. Howard gave him his $500. Howard said he didn't know where the Nile river was either.
Howard said that this girl really didn't know much. He said that she was pretty hot when she was in there though. Howard played some more questions so here they are with Sarah's answers:
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. Lisa told Howard he looked nice today. She figured he was dressing himself with Beth away. Lisa asked what's going on with Robin's cat. Robin said that the cat's heart beat is back to normal for now. Lisa said she spoke to a doctor about the pacemaker that Robin might have put in her cat. They say that they use a refurbished human pacemaker. They also say that the average cat life is about 16 but it's not uncommon to see a 21 year old these days. Robin's cat is 19.
Lisa said they have an interview with a 10 year old who did a play by play for a Mets game. Howard liked that kid. Lisa said he was honored that Howard played his clip and he wants to do that later in his life.
Lisa said that Bubba the Love Sponge is trying to get a bunch of Twitter followers by Friday and if he gets enough he'll share some pictures of his wife Heather with them.
Howard said he was watching that Pink performance at the MTV awards and she was showing one of her titties and thought it was really hot. He said she doesn't need to do all of that other stuff she was doing but the leotard thing was hot. He said she was hanging upside down from a trapeze and her tit was hanging out there.
Howard said that the FCC must be bored out of their skulls since he left regular radio. Now they're saying that they're going to be reviewing the 2004 Super Bowl incident with Janet Jackson's breast popping out even though it was thrown out of court. He said they're not letting go of it. He said that's retarded. He said he loves that they crack down because it makes his life easier. He said that anyone on regular radio show did anything edgy is gone.
Howard said he still has to write a book about what went on with the FCC and the terrestrial radio stations he was on. He said that the government was racketeering. He said it was the biggest case of racketeering in history in his opinion. Howard said that they would hold up license renewals and things like that so they'd force them to pay the fines.
Howard asked Lisa if she had taken a shit today. Lisa said she had. Artie was grossed out by that. Robin said that they're supposed to be calling Lisa an ''Accurate Jew'' because that's what Lisa Lampanelli was calling her yesterday.
Howard said Lisa Lampanelli was great on the show yesterday. He listened to the replay and enjoyed that. The guys were talking about the odd accent Lisa has and wondered where that comes from. Artie did an impression of her for a short time.
Howard said he and Artie may be going out to dinner while Beth is away. Howard said that the dinners usually turn out to be boring but people get upset thinking that they're missing out on something big. Howard said Artie usually ends up on his cell phone or going outside and smoking. Howard said that one time they went out he must have been on drugs. Artie said he was actually clean at that time but he fell off the wagon after that.
Howard said that Sal was there that night and he was the most entertaining he's ever been. Howard said he opened up about stuff he won't even talk about on the air. Howard said he was talking about the crazy shit he does and the crazy shit his wife does and it was nothing he could describe to Robin. He said that they're actually perfect for each other.
Howard had this guy Hunter on the phone. He used to party at the Playboy mansion all the time and he was friends with Ralph too. Howard said he used to see Hunter hanging out with famous people and he used to call in from their houses and stuff. Then Hunter said that he was sick of these fucker terrorists and he joined the military at the age of 36.
Robin said that Hunter really was ready to go out and kill people. Hunter said that he bulked up to go over there too. Hunter said that everyone thought it was a joke. He said they accused him of joining so he could try and pick up women. Robin said she didn't think he was really in the army.
Hunter said he went over and went right to war. He went to Germany first. He said that he was training with some people who train for movies before he got in. He got a lot of weapon training and stuff.
Howard said Hunter had a job with Playboy where he was selling t-shirts or something. He said he had a licensing deal with them and he did very well with that.
Hunter told Howard he got really good with weapons before he got into the military doing the training with those people in the movie industry. He was doing that for like 4 years before he joined the military. Hunter said he was just having fun doing that stuff and then he got into the real thing.
Robin said he went Full Metal Jacket and thought that's how bad it got for him. Hunter said he had a blast over in Afghanistan. He said he did two tours of duty and they told him he didn't have to go back but he wants to go back.
Hunter said he's been in the hospital for about a year now. He got Medevac'd out in October and he's been in the naval hospital in San Diego. He's had 7 surgeries so far. He said that he had an RPG head in his way. He was a gunner on this truck and he caught some shrapnel and fractured his arm and hurt his shoulder. He said he had to be flown out and had surgery on his head, his arm twice and a third surgery on his arm coming soon.
Hunter said there was a rumor that his dick got blown off but that wasn't true. Hunter said he was hanging out with chicks after he had surgery so he's good to go. Howard said he would use that shrapnel thing as an excuse for why his penis is so small. He said he'd just tell the girls that half of it got blown off.
Hunter told Howard that Andy Dick was saying that he wished that the Taliban had caught him and had cut his head off. He said he can't wait to run into Andy again.
Howard asked if he can go back now with the injuries he has. Hunter said he wants to go back but he's out. He said he's going to get a medical discharge.
Howard said that he must have had some serious injuries if he's been in the hospital for a year. He said he's been in and out of the hospital so he's not in there right now.
Hunter said that he has to go to a shrink too and they think that he has PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) but he's really just pissed. Hunter said he yells about stuff and they think he has some problems but that's just the way he is.
Howard asked Hunter if he got a Purple Heart. Hunter said he did and he got a bronze star. He said that he was out in the field disabling IEDs out there. He said that's why he got the bronze star. He said he didn't know how to do that but he went through some training to figure it out.
Howard asked Hunter how many people he killed. Hunter said he doesn't know. He said he knows he got some guys he was pretty close to but he didn't have numbers.
Hunter said the guys they fight over there are like 90 pounds and the fight in their pajamas. He said that he never did any hand to hand combat but if he did he would have taken care of them because he was 240 pounds and they were like 90.
Hunter said he had a good time over there until he got hurt. He told Howard that the women never came out of the houses over there and he never saw any anywhere.
Hunter said that his injuries are too severe to go back into the service and that's why he can't go back. He said they told him about that yesterday. Hunter said that the left side of his body is what got messed up. He said he can't move his arm all the way around and his lower back has a problem. He also has a traumatic brain injury. He lost all the hearing in his left ear as well. Howard thought they were saying he was psycho but that's not the case.
Howard asked what rank Hunter was. He said he just about made it to Sergeant. He said that he's in this transition unit so he's still technically in the military. He said that he'll retire at the rank he's at when they discharge him. He said that he should be a Sergeant by that time. Howard said everyone is proud of him for going out and serving his country.
Hunter had put Howard's name on the side of a bomb and blew up a building with that. Hunter said he's sure that they got at least one guy with that bomb. He said that they drag off all their dead so he's not sure exactly how many they actually got.
Hunter talked about how they know about where Osama bin Laden is and they just need to bomb this area where he's at and they'll eventually get him. Howard said if he were the President he would get a bunch of guys like Hunter together to go in and find that guy.
Hunter heard that Artie was going to be coming out to San Diego so he wants to see him when he's there. He said that it would be great if Artie could come to that hospital he's at right now. He said that the guys love the show and they would like to see someone like Artie because there are guys missing legs and stuff and it's really depressing.
Howard and Hunter talked about some other stuff that Hunter was up to in the past. Howard wrapped up a short time later. Hunter told Artie he should come by and visit. Hunter had also mentioned that they were calling him ''Craybo'' over there in Afghanistan because he was like Rambo and his last name is Cray. Howard called him Craybo as he was saying goodbye to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Hunter is a hero but not because of going to war. He said he was a hero because of all of the chicks he banged. He was joking about that and said he's glad he made it home safe.
Howard said Hunter once said to him that he could help him bang this famous chick. He said that it worked because he got her up to his room. He said he's not sure how that worked but Hunter made it happen.
Howard said he was hanging out with Hunter and there were girls in the room. He said he was a real player. Then he just got up and went to war. Howard said he heard that he was a wild warrior too.
Robin said she got together with Hunter out in California when she was out there a while back. She said he was talking about how he couldn't wait to go over there. Howard said Hunter is wild and he can't even relate to that kind of behavior. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along to the song a little bit. He said he tried to slog through the Whitney Houston interview with Oprah Winfrey but he wasn't able to get through 5 minutes of it. Robin said it was deadly. Howard said it went over 2 hours long but it was all kooky spiritual Oprah crap. Howard said it was boring and he's not sure why. Robin said Whitney wouldn't say anything, that's why it was boring.
Robin said that Whitney and Bobby Brown were leading this really wild life and she wasn't giving any details. Robin said that she was the biggest star in the world and she was smoking cocaine like a homeless person and she wasn't able to tell that story.
Howard wondered if she can even sing anymore. Robin said with that raspy voice she has he probably can't. Howard played a clip of Whitney talking about her relationship with Bobby Brown and what was going on when they were doing drugs. Whitney revealed that she was slapped by Bobby once but that was the extent of it. Whitney was telling Oprah about how weird the whole relationship was. She told Oprah that Bobby spit on her one time. Howard asked why she stayed.
Howard said in every story Whitney talks about how her daughter saw all of this stuff going on. Whitney said she didn't grow up with that stuff and she didn't know why it was occurring.
Howard said Whitney used to be so hot. He said she had some videos where she was really cute and then she went out and married Bobby Brown. Howard said that showed she was nuts. Howard said she's still nuts with the spirituality thing. He said she was talking about how she was praying for Oprah and then Oprah said she was praying for her too. He said they're into some weird voodoo magic or something.
Howard played another clip where Oprah asked Whitney how it felt to be where she is now. Whitney said she was wondering what Oprah was doing when she got up that morning. She said she wondered if she was praying. Oprah said she was praying and that was the first thing she did that morning. The two of them said that they were praying for each other and that they were connecting with each other.
Howard said Whitney sounds like that guy from the E Street Band, Clarence Clemens, who was trying to connect with Robin on the show one time. They played the clip where Clarence was talking to Robin about meditating with him and how he'd like her to do that at the same time as he is meditating.
Howard got back to the Whitney and Oprah clip and they were saying that they were praying for the same stuff at the same time like they were connecting in some way. They thought they did okay there with the interview that day and ended it around that time. Robin said that was at the end so that's why she didn't see it.
Howard did an impression of Whitney talking with that gravely voice of her's. That led to Fred playing some homeless guy clip and some porn clips where this chick is asking to taste a guy's juice.
Howard said Whitney is in denial and she's blaming Bobby Brown for everything. Robin said she was a crack addict and she didn't know what was going on. Howard said ''she'' was a crack addict and she's blaming Bobby for it.
Howard said he had Mitch Fatel there so he had to take another break. He said that Gary thought Mitch was out of his mind thinking he could be a stand-up comedian but now he's out there and just put out another comedy special on Comedy Central. Howard had a clip of Mitch from one of his albums where he's talking about having a bunch of sex and calling a girl the wrong name. Mitch said her name was Amy and he called her Ethel. He said he had never even met an Ethel. He said he had a girl do that to him too and he just let it roll and accepted the name chuck.
Ralph called in and said he thought the Whitney interview was great. He said he thought it was interesting. He said he learned that lacing your pot with coke gives you a great high too.
Howard played some more of the interview where Whitney was talking about how she and Bobby weren't talking even though they were in the same house. They'd just sit around watching TV and smoking weed laced with coke. Whitney said they were buying expensive stuff in blocks.
Ralph said it sounded like she was sick of singing and just wanted to go out and have fun. He and Robin were asking what the terms were that Whitney was using but no one was explaining it in the clip. Howard said he's not even sure what it all means. He said Oprah should have explained that to her audience.
Artie said that free basing cocaine is what Richard Pryor was doing when he burned himself. He said that someone must have come along and made it easier and turned that stuff into crack.
Oprah was asking Whitney how to smoke the stuff she was using. Whitney said that they were just putting the coke in with the pot and she was calling it ''base'' but Robin didn't know what that meant.
Artie tried to explain it and said that crack is synthetic. Howard said he thinks that coke being smoked is free base. He said that when they make crack it's turned into a rock by cooking it. He said it's like 10 times more intense when you smoke that stuff. Howard thinks that Whitney was trying to explain it all in her own way and he's not sure what she was doing.
Howard listened to the clip again and tried to figure out what she was talking about. She was smoking cocaine but not rock cocaine or crack. They were all confused by the whole thing. Ralph said this was making him want to try it.
Howard told Ralph he had to get going. He let him go and talked about how he wasn't able to watch that whole thing with Oprah and Whitney. He said she's obviously still out of her mind. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard cmae back and said that Mitch Fatel used to be an intern on teh show. He's been gone for a long time now. Fred guessed it was 20 years ago. Mitch sadi it was like 20 years ago and he was only 10 at the time.
Gary sadi that Mitch was so devoted to them that when he wrecked his car he suggested a friend to them adn that friend was Stuttering John. Mitch said he thought the stuttering would be a problem but HOward told Gary to hire him as soon as he heard the stuttering thing.
Howard said that Gary told Mitch that he would never be successful and he's like all of those people who told him that he wasn't going to make it in radio.
Mitch sadi that Gary told him that he should keep his day job when he siad he wanted to do comedy. Gary said he was just busting his balls at the time becsuae he never knew he wanted to be a comedian. Mitch said he did comedy when he was like 15 so of course he wanted to do that. Gary sadi no one knew that at the time.
Mitch said that he was very upset about what Gary said to him and it bothered him for years. Gary sadi that Elon Gold told him years later that Mitch was very upset about it. Mitch said he was a pussy back then and he got upset easily about stuff like that.
Mitch sadi that he had to get a job at a truck stop when he was starting out and people would come in and recognize him from the Stern SHow. He would tell them that if he was that HOward STern guy he wouldn't be working there.
Howard said that Mitch has a new DVD out (Mitch Fatel: Mitch Fatel Is Magical) and a Comedy Central special too. HOward said that the girl on teh cover is his girlfirned adn she's really hot. Mitch said that she's too hot for him and he can't believe that she would be into him if he wasn't in show business.
Howard said Mitch once got a blow job from a girl who had just blown his buddy. Mitch said that it was at a comedy show and this guy told him that this chick had just blown him and he asked if she would do him too. He said that he went back there and got it. He said his buddy is more aggressive than he is. Mitch said he would wait for women to come to him. He said he doesn't have to ask anymore though because he has chicks coming up to him.
Howard asked Mitch when he first got laid. Mitch said he had girls from the age of 16 on. He said he never really had trouble with that.
Howard said that Mitch's Comedy Central special was voted as one of the most favorites on the channel when it came out. Howard said that Mitch was also voted as the best comedian of the year at the Aspen comedy festival. Mitch said that this guy Lou hated him and he would never accept him saying that he didn't get it. Once that guy left he won the Best Comedian thing.
Howard asked Mitch if maybe the guy was jealous. Mitch said he's not sure what was going on. He said he felt redemption once the guy left and he won.
Howard asked Mitch about this chick he's dating. She's got some body according to Howard. Mitch said she's like 5 feet tall so he towers above her at 5'5'' tall. He said she loves sex and they actually had a fight because he wasn't giving it to her enough. Mitch said that she has an amazing ability to have orgasms one after the other. He said she's always ready for more and it's a wonderful time in his life.
Howard asked Mitch if she asks for sex multiple times a day. Mitch said that she'll be ready to go 15 minutes after he's done. He said it gets to a point when he just can't even cum.
Mitch said that she swallowed on the first date and she never did it again. She said that she told him she liked him on that date and now she doesn't care anymore. Howard said Beth has done similar things that he's never seen again.
Howard said when Beth first met him she thought he was this crazy guy. He said she thought he was ready to party and she did some things that she won't do now. He said that they were naked in the apartment with John Stamos just weeks after they met so it was kind of wild in the beginning.
Mitch said that he had a threesome a few years ago but he wasn't sure if it counts or not. Mitch said that this girl had come up to him at a CD signing he was doing after a show. He said that they went into the green room and she gave him a blow job in there. He said that she was attractive too. He said that she asked him to come out and party with her and her friends. Mitch told her he had never had a threesome so he wanted to do that. She came over later with a friend who was 2 levels above her in looks. Mitch said he just wanted this new chick and not the blow job chick.
Mitch said the pretty one was Nikki and the other one was Christa. He said that they took a shower together started having sex with Nikki. He went to put his penis inside of Christa and she pulled her ass away like he didn't want him to go inside of her. He started having sex with Nikki and ended up on top of this other chick. He said that she let out this great moan and it hit him that Nikki had told her not to have sex with him. He said that Nikki turned over and started to whimper. He said that she was the uglier girl and he didn't care. He just wanted to fuck this hotter chick.
Mitch said that Christa was asking Nikki what the problem was and Mitch was just trying to finish while the conversation was going on. Mitch said that Nikki eventually stopped them. Mitch said he had to finish because he was hard as a rock and he wasn't sure what to do with that hard on. Mitch said he could have jerked off or something but he wasn't sure what to do.
Mitch said Nikki went to the bathroom so he asked Christa if she would blow him really fast before they left. She did that really quick and he tried to finish but Nikki opened the bathroom door and they ended up leaving before he finished. That's why the threesome didn't count.
Mitch said Jim Florentine told him it counts but he doesn't think it does because he didn't finish. He said the circle never completed.
Mitch said that this girl he's dating now is attached to him and he's not sure if a threesome would ever happen. He said she's looking for a girl that she'd be interested in and he doesn't think that will ever happen.
Howard told Mitch he thinks that he has had a threesome no matter what the outcome was. Fred said he thinks that it was an incomplete relay race.
Howard asked Mitch about being engaged twice. Mitch said he makes a lot of promises while his dick is hard. Howard said he heard that he got engaged to this girl who had a lot of money. Mitch said he was engaged and then realized that she was crazy.
Mitch said he was afraid that this chick would shoot him or something. She hated show business and she'd tell him that the stuff he talked about was disgusting even though she had met him through a comedy show he had done. He said she wanted him to give up show business and things like that.
Howard said Beth didn't really know much about him and she wasn't a fan. She knew of him but she doesn't want him to change or anything like that.
Howard read that Mitch had dated April Macie who won a contest on their show. Mitch said she didn't give it up on the first date but she did on the second. He said that they had a one nighter and he made the mistake of going out with her when she was breaking up with Gary Gullman. He said that he let her stay in his condo with him for 6 weeks. He figured that he'd get to fuck her for 6 weeks but she ended up staying for more than 6 weeks. He said that she didn't want to move out.
Mitch said he didn't want to date a comedian because they're crazy. He said that April had a horrible childhood and she has daddy issues so she's consumed with jealousy. He said that they would fight a lot and she had the ability to emotionally fight with him and it was bad.
Howard said April said that Mitch had a big penis. Mitch said that she came from Gary Gullman and he may not have been huge for his size. Mitch said maybe his penis looks bigger on his frame than it would on a Gary Gullman but he's really not that big.
Mitch said that April was wild in bed and one time they went out shopping and she ended up putting anal beads in the cart. He said she was pretty wild and kind of freaky in bed. Mitch said that she was very jealous though and she would call him at 6 in the morning at his hotel room asking who he was with. He wasn't with anyone.
Howard said he likes this story about Mitch. He said that Jerry Seinfeld once gave him advice. Mitch says Jerry told him that he had some good stuff on stage when he saw him perform one time. Mitch asked him about writing and Jerry told him that he wakes up in the morning and just writes on the pad of paper he has. He knows that 90 percent of that stuff is going to be garbage but 10 percent of it is going to make him a career. Mitch said that Jerry told him to just write anything and keep writing to get to that diamond of stuff. Howard said Artie does that all day long.
Mitch said that it works. He said that John Lennon used to sit at the piano and get frustrated and walk away but then a song would come to him. Howard said you have to get in the habit of doing this stuff because it is a job.
Mitch said he just wakes up and steals Jerry Seinfeld's material now. He said he's doing okay with that. Howard said Mitch actually sits and stares at the piano all day long.
Howard gave Mitch some plugs for his Comedy Central special that's airing this Friday night. That special is similar to what's on the DVD but the DVD has 25 minutes of additional material that they won't show on Comedy Central.
Howard asked Mitch if his girlfriend is always hit on. He said it's constant but he's pretty sure he's secure in the relationship. Howard gave him some more plugs for some upcoming gigs and stuff. You can find out more dates on his web site MitchFatel.com.
Howard asked Mitch if he takes his girl out on the road with him. Mitch said that he has to leave her at home and he can't take her out. He said that he thinks that leaving her at home makes the relationship all that much hotter. He said he looks forward to seeing her when he comes home. He said she sleeps in a new piece of lingerie every night so things are good. He said he has to marry this chick because he can't let her go.
Mitch said that he had to thank Howard for the internship there. He said that when he was a little kid he would listen to Howard and he got from him that he could be cool by not being cool. He said he just wanted to be himself and that's what he's done. He said he didn't have to create a persona for himself. He said that's the reason he's successful today. Howard thanked him for that, gave him some more plugs and said he's very proud of him for that.
Robin said she saw Mitch on some show dancing around like a nut. He said they didn't have to talk about that. He was ready to say goodbye to Howard after that.
Bon Hit Eric called in and said that he's inspired to be a comedian after hearing about all of the pussy he's getting.
Howard said that being a comedian is the hardest job out there. He said it's very hard to come up with material and especially to come up with new specials all the time. Howard said George Carlin used to talk about how hard it was and you have to go through hours and hours of going up on stage and constantly trying.
Eric asked how many hours he had to put in before he got pussy. Mitch said it was like 10 years. Mitch said he knew that it would eventually happen and that's how he got that threesome that never finished.
Howard wished Mitch luck with the girlfriend. Mitch said that her parents don't like him very much and think he's going to leave her. Howard told him that he will know when it's right to get married. They had to go to break after that.
During the break Howard asked Mitch if he had heard from the Leno show about doing anything for them. Mitch said he hasn't heard anything from them. He said no one is calling. He said he heard about John not being the announcer and that he was a writer though.
Howard came back and had no idea what song Fred was playing. Fred let him know and that led into him playing the top 5 songs. The top 5 included Kings of Leon, Jay-z and Rihanna, Miley Cyrus, Jay Sean and the Black Eyed Peas.
Howard said that the Leno show dropped down to an 8 rating on the second night. They had a 12 the first night. Howard said he thinks that they'll be down to 2's and 1's by Friday. He said that's his prediction but he has been wrong before.
Benjy said that he was in improv class with Rogny about 11 years ago. He said that he had found a life with the superfans and he was a good guy. Benjy said he thinks that he had just gotten arrested in that apartment shortly before he died.
Steve said they also have a story about Tim Sabean following Robin on her latest adventure to jump out of an airplane. Howard found that shocking. He said that's just stupid. Steve said that Shuli is willing to jump as well.
Ralph called in again and said that he wanted to talk about the Jay-Z song because they just stand there saying ''Yeah'' and ''Yup yup'' and he thinks that's a great gig. Howard said that's what he had just said a few minutes ago.
Steve said that Riley Martin is trying to sell his products at a reduced rate to people he knows and he's telling them that he's offering them at a reduced rate because Sirius is screwing him.
Steve said that Jeff Jarvis reported that he had prostate surgery and he watched the Leno Show which helped put him to sleep. Howard said he heard about the prostate surgery and he's heard that it can cause dick problems. He said it's a real bummer.
Howard said that you do want to live but if you do, then your dick might not work right. He said that cancer thing just sucks and it's a pain in the ass. Steve was staring at Howard and he asked him not to do that. Artie said that's how he gets stuff out of you.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of subjects they were going to be covering today. They spent a couple of minutes talking about some of the stuff Jon brought up. They talked about the dinner that Howard had with Artie and some of the other guys from the show. They were also talking about JD's constant laughing. Howard said that he may go out with Gary and Artie and maybe Fred. Fred said if he's invited he'd love to go.
Howard asked JD if he wanted to go to dinner. JD said he didn't care. Then he said ''I don't know...'' Howard asked JD what's going on with his hair. JD said it's just getting long. Howard said it's a weird hair cut. Fred said it looks like a weird toupee. Robin said he had a great hair cut when Beth gave him the make over. JD said that was a long ago.
Howard said JD looks almost like a Chinese guy. JD said he got the cut at the Russian guy around the corner from him. He said the guy is an old fashioned barber. Howard said he has no sense of style at all. Howard said it looks like he went in and asked if he could give him a cut that makes it impossible to ever get laid again.
Howard did an impression of JD and goofed on the hair cut for a short time. Fred got in on that as well and made fun of him for a short time. Howard was calling that the ''failure hair cut.''
Fred threw in a joke about his ''Douche bag t-shirt'' too. Howard asked what was up with that ''Fubar'' t-shirt. JD said it was something he got for free. He said Fubar means ''Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition.'' Howard asked if that was a drug reference. Artie said it's actually a military thing.
Howard told JD that he should know hat the t-shirt is referring to. JD said he knows what it means. Howard said he doesn't know what it's referring to though. Fred, in his JD voice, said that it's referring to his hair cut.
Howard told JD to put some thought into his hair cut and maybe find a place that can cut it right. He thanked JD for coming in and let him go. Jon Hein finished up his Wrap Up Show preview after that.
Robin started off with a story about the date that Spider Man is returning to movie theaters, May 6, 2011. Howard said he hopes he's still alive when that comes around. Robin said they're also releasing a Thor movie that year in June. Howard said that super hero never did much for him. He wasn't impressed with a guy carrying a hammer with him. He said he hates carrying stuff with him, especially a hammer.
Howard said he thinks that Richie Wilson would know who was going to be in that Thor movie. Robin wasn't able to find the information fast enough. Howard said that he thinks that they're going to see that Ninja Assassin movie that's coming out.
Robin read a story about Anne Heche and her ex-husband being ordered to go into some kind of counseling to learn how to parent. They have to be coached on co-parenting after Anne went on Letterman and bad mouthed her ex.
Robin read about Kurt Angle being found not guilty of harassing his ex-girlfriend. Robin said they also dropped the drug charges against him. He had human growth hormone in his vehicle at the time of the arrest and those charges were dropped.
Robin said that Linda McMahon, Vince's wife, is throwing her hat into the race for the U.S. Senate in Connecticut. That led to Howard talking about how he doesn't know much about what's actually happening with this country and he realizes that he's dumb when it comes to that.
Robin read a story about a group trying to change the name of the Washington Redskins. They have filed a petition to take the case to the supreme court. Howard asked what's going to happen to midget cars if that happens. Howard asked Robin if she thinks it should be changed. Robin said yes. Fred said no one means any harm with that name so they shouldn't change it. Fred said he thinks that the Cleveland Browns is referring to black people and they're not changing their name. Artie said that he wouldn't be so uptight about it but you have to respect it if there are people offended by the name.
Howard said that Robin and Artie are right. He said there are plenty of names they could give these teams and they don't have to use a name like Redskins. Howard said the settlers here took their land and annihilated them. Fred said they called them pale faces. The Japanese called us ''round eyes.'' Howard said they should just give them a break and stop irritating the shit out of them.
Robin read a story about a speech writer from the Bush Administration who says that it was like working on ''The Office.'' They spent a short time talking about that and Howard said there are some interesting things in the book about how Bush didn't understand some of this stuff that he had to talk about. He said that he relied on his staff to explain everything to him.
Howard said this book is a total betrayal to Bush. He said that this guy is telling stories about behind the scenes stuff that shouldn't be out there. Howard said he should have come out during the 8 years that Bush was in office with that stuff. Robin said the guy says that Bush knew that Sarah Palin had no ability to be President. Howard said he likes how Bush knew but Scott DePace didn't know that.
Robin said that the guy who threw his shoe at President Bush was beaten and electrocuted while he was in prison. Howard said that's good, he's glad they did that to him. Howard said that sounds like minimum punishment though.
Robin read a story about Joe Wilson's outburst at the Presidential press conference last week. It turns out his wife wondered who the nut was who yelled out during his speech and he had to tell her it was him. She didn't believe him so she had to ask a second time. Now she's saying that Joe didn't deserve the scalding he got.
Robin said that Jimmy Carter is saying that a lot of this animosity toward Obama is rooted in racism. Howard said he agrees. He's never seen anyone be that rude to the President. Howard said he wasn't a fan of Bush but he always said that they had to support him and give him a shot. Howard said Jimmy Carter rarely knows what he's talking about but that he's right about.
Robin read some news about Patrick Swayze's death. She said that he had pancreatic cancer and had some audio of a doctor talking about how deadly it is. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about some of the symptoms of the cancer.
Robin said that there was a tribute to Swayze and his family on Larry King. She had some audio of that. Howard said it would be cool if Whoopi Goldberg started to channel Swayze on The View.
Howard had some audio of President Obama saying that Kanye West was inappropriate on the MTV VMAs. Obama said that Kanye was a jackass. Obama said the last time he did something behind the scenes it was all over the place. He swatted a fly and got a lot of notice for that. The people from PETA got on him about killing the fly though.
Robin said that Kanye West did apologize to Taylor Swift off the air. He called her and apologized to her for what he did.
Howard said someone was going off on him about his comments about Kanye West sucking. Howard said he just talks about what he likes and doesn't like. He didn't like Kanye. This writer was going off on him about what he was saying about Kanye and telling him he was out of touch. The writer doesn't like his music either but he was still going off on him for what he said about him having no talent. The guy told him to stick to talking about what he knows about like aluminum in deodorant. Howard said he doesn't know about that either.
Robin said that she just got some of that Nature's Gate deodorant. Howard asked if she got the roll-on. Robin said she's actually using the stick. Howard said that the roll-on is the good stuff but Robin said she doesn't like roll-ons.
Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about the economy and how they have to do something about health care.
Robin said they found that a study done found that 70 percent of American Men are technically over weight. She had some audio of a guy talking about that study. That led to Howard talking about all of the guys on the show who are overweight. There was a long list of guys who are overweight. Howard mentioned Bubba and Tim Sabean said that he's actually lost about 50 pounds. Howard said even JD has a belly on him now.
Robin had some audio of a guy talking about the 5 most important factors for getting into shape for guys over the age of 45. Howard said that Shuli is even getting fat.
Robin read a story about the new D.A. in New York. Robin read about that and gave the details about the current D.A. retiring after 35 years. She had some audio of him speaking. He's 90 years old.
Robin read a story about a guy who had 2.5 pounds delivered to his unsuspecting mother. The woman took the package and said it was her son's. He later admitted it was his and took responsibility for it. The pot was sent through UPS and they knew it was being shipped before it even left.
Robin read about the baseball game that turned into a fight when Jorge Posada was hit with a pitch. There were a couple of things like that during the game.
Robin read about Tiki Barber and his brother writing a book. She had some audio of Tiki talking about that and how they say that life is about more things than just sports. Howard wondered how much Tiki and his brother actually wrote. Fred played the ''Zero point zero'' audio clip for him. Howard said he's pretty sure they didn't write anything and they just slapped their names on the book.
Robin said that Whitney Houston has a new album out. She had a clip of that to play. Howard said he thinks that song sounds a little dated. Robin said Whitney claims she doesn't smoke weed anymore but she does still drink once in a while. She claims that she turns to god when she feels the need to use drugs.
Robin had a story about Coldplay getting out of a case with Joe Satriani. The case was dismissed and there may have been an out of court settlement. Satriani claimed that Coldplay may have lifted his song in one of their songs. Howard said it did sound very similar to him. Howard said Cat Stevens had a song that was similar too but no one cares about that. Howard played the Joe Satriani song and it did sound very much like the Coldplay song ''Viva La Vida.''
Robin read about Aaron Ekhard being in a movie with Jennifer Aniston. She had some audio of him talking about being on the set with Jennifer. He talked about what a great actress she was. Howard said he's never heard that before in an interview with an actor.
Robin had some audio of Megan Fox talking about how she has a no nudity clause in her contracts. Howard said she'll be naked eventually. Howard said she'll have three shitty movies and then she'll be getting naked. Howard said he figures that she'll be in his studio dancing naked during the Kings of Leon Gay Dance Party show in about 5 years. They had to end the show a short time later, right around 10:45am.
Gary asked JD if he eats the fancy food. JD said he does and he likes it. He said he's not a big fan of fancy food. He said the portions seem very small when you go to places like that.
Jon asked JD if he's a quantity guy and not a quality guy. JD said he doesn't know. He started to mumble and stumble over his comments and just gave up on trying to say anything.
Gary said that Jason was hoping to go out to the dinner too but he was joking about how if Will doesn't get invited he'd still like to go. Gary said he thinks he knows Will well enough that he'd like to come if he's invited. He doesn't think that Will wants to go if he's not invited but Jason might.
Gary said he's waiting for Sal to ask if he can go. He said that Shuli mentioned that Sal was invited to the last one so maybe he'll be invited to this one. Gary said he told Shuli he's forgetting about all of the stuff that's happened since then that could keep him from going.
Gary said that if Sal doesn't get invited he's going to ask if he did something wrong like George Costanza on Seinfeld.
Gary said he was looking for dinner with just him and Howard in the early evening. He said they both have to be in bed early anyway. He said it's turned into a bigger thing now. Gary said Jason is the first one to lobby for a spot at dinner. He said he won't be the last though.
Jason came in and said that he was serious about the Will thing. He still wants to go even if Will isn't invited.
Jason told the guys that Gary was cool when he set him and Will up on a dinner with Howard when the first started there. He said they made the mistake of being really quiet that night. He said they didn't say much and they've been waiting to go out to dinner again ever since then.
Gary said that Howard is the focal point of everything when they do a dinner like this. He said that other people are going to try and cram around him and get his hear. Jon asked if he'll try to keep the numbers low so he can have Howard's ear himself.
Gary said he wanted to have some alone time with Howard. They do that like once every 2 years or so. He figured this would be a good time to do it since Beth is away. He said it's all good if Artie wants to go too. He said that they could end up with 25 people going out and he's okay with that but it's a different thing.
Benjy asked if it feels gay that they all want to go out to dinner with him. Gary said it's not gay for him because he does it once every 2 years.
Jason said that it's been 8 years since he was out to dinner with him and he's not sure how many more opportunities he's going to have to do it.
Benjy said that the pain of not being invited is worse than the joy of going out. JD said they should ask Scott the Engineer about that pain. He's never been invited out to dinner like that.
Jon asked if the lobbying is helping or hurting Jason's cause. Gary said he thinks that it could get bad because Howard may think it's too many people. Jason said he's going to take his name out of the hat then. He doesn't want to upset Howard.
Ralph called in and said that they should get together and play cards or something. Gary said it was going to be a week night thing and that wouldn't work. Ralph said he thinks that Howard has plenty of time to do the dinner thing so maybe Gary could do a dinner with Gary and a dinner with everyone. Gary said Howard isn't going to want to do that more than once. Ralph said he'd like to go out to dinner with everyone. He said it can be fun to go out and bull shit and drink.
Jason said that it's great to be able to go out and have dinner with people from the show. He said he got to hang out with Gary at his house a few weeks ago and that was really cool. He said it's still cool even though he gets to see Gary every day. Gary said that he and Jason are in constant contact throughout the show so they're pretty close.
Ralph's connection wasn't very good so Jon told him that he had to let him go. Ralph said that cell phones really suck. Jon let him go a short time later.
Will came in and said he thought it was weird that Jason told Gary he wanted to go to dinner and to get rid of Will if he had to get rid of one of them. Will said if he was invited he'd be fine but he doesn't feel that need to go like some people do. Gary said you want to be wanted there.
Will said that he doesn't want to be judged for not talking enough or talking too much at dinner. He said that it was cool to go out to dinner with Howard that one time but they were young and intimidated. He said it might be different now.
A caller asked JD why he comes on the Wrap Up Show if he can't talk. Gary said that they ask him to come in there. The caller said it gets to be monotonous. JD told him to turn it off then. The guy said that Will and Jason are cool. Jason laughed and thanked him for that.
Gary said they make JD come down there against his will sometimes. JD said he comes in when Jon asks him to come in. He doesn't feel he's there against his will.
Gary asked JD what that Fubar thing is. JD said it was a web site that was promoted on the show one time. JD got the t-shirt out of their ''glom box'' which is stuff they get there that no one wants. Anyone can take whatever is in there.
Gary said that Benjy used to shop in that box all the time. Jason said Benjy still kills that glom box. He said he saw him walk out of there with a huge bag full of stuff.
Gary asked Benjy if he sells that stuff on Craigslist. Benjy said he doesn't and he gets porn movies for his friend Randy. He gives some of the stuff to friends. Benjy said that he just started to get into porn in the past year or so. He said that you can go on this place called SpankWire where you can get free clips and stuff. Benjy said Shuli turned him onto that.
Benjy said this morning he checked out some interracial stuff. He said he was never really into it and he started watching it this morning.
Benjy said that there is such a taboo about interracial sex. Benjy said he thinks it's perfectly fine but there is a cultural taboo about it. He doesn't agree with that taboo though. He said that when you think about it the girl is breaking the taboo and maybe she'd be willing to do even wilder stuff.
Jon asked Benjy if he's upset that they think he takes a lot of the stuff in the glom box. Benjy said he always waits to see if people want it first. He said he does take a lot but he doesn't take it all.
JD said that Sal takes a ton of that stuff and puts it in his office. Will said that Sal has a whole porn collection under his desk in a hidden compartment.
Jason said that the box is a communal box and anyone can take stuff. Benjy said there is a ton of stuff fin there. Steve Brandano was in and said that it's really annoying to see him taking so much of that stuff at one time in a big bag.
Jason said that Annemarie used to give him a note letting him know that the glom box was ready but she was only telling him and a few other guys and they were supposed to tell Benjy when they were done.
A caller told Jason to stop whining on the show and stop throwing people under the bus. Jason said he loves to trow people under the bus so he's not going to stop doing that. The caller said that's not going to help him get to the dinner. Gary didn't think that was going to be a problem for him. Jason said that he doesn't feel bad about throwing people under the bus because people do the same thing to him.
Another caller said that they all sound like a bunch of kids wanting to go out to dinner with Howard. He said they're like a bunch of homos.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the dinner they were going out to and who breaks down the levels of people who are going to be there. Gary said that he is kind of a level 1 himself but he can also be a level 2. Benjy is the same way. Level 2 are the guys in the office like Jon, Jason and Will. Gary said that Sal and Richard might be at that level but Sal may drag Richard down a little bit.
Gary said Jon invited some people over to something recently and he didn't invite Richard so Sal asked him to invite him too. Jon said that Will and Jason used to be a team too. Gary said he thinks that Sal and Richard would feel guilty about doing things separately.
Jason said that Sal and Richard know where the other is at all times so it's actually great if you're looking for one of them and can't find them.
Gary said that the level 3s may be the interns and people like that. Scott the engineer wasn't on the list anywhere so Gary said that he can float around the levels. Ronnie is probably a 2 according to Gary. He said that he can sometimes be at the 1 level on a personal level.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that he's not at any level for dinner. He said he's been working for Howard for 25 years and he's never been out to dinner with him. He said that everyone else has. Jon hasn't. Pretty much everyone else had. Steve Brandano had never been out to dinner.
Jon said it must hurt Scott a little bit that he hasn't been invited. Scott said it is pretty depressing. He said Howard would complain about him anyway so it's probably best that he doesn't get invited. He said that Howard would find something to bitch and moan about no matter what. Jason said that sounds like Scott because he bitches and moans a lot too.
Jon asked Scott if he had ever asked Howard out to dinner. Scott said he hasn't but that's because any place he can afford isn't a place Howard would go. Gary said that's not true.
Gary said that Howard always picks up dinner and one time he really wanted to cover it and had his waitress take care of the bill before HOward knew about it. Then he left a tip but HOward ended up leaving a huge tip on top of that to make sure he covered the tip well enough. He said it still got awkward at the end no matter what.
Jon asked Jaosn if he's going to take Robin out to dinner. Jason said he would liek to adn he'd like to pay but he doesn't want to make it weird. Jon and Gary said that HOward and Robin don't have to eat at the really expensive places. Jason asid that you don't wnat to make it a favor by bringing them out to a place they won't like. Gary sadi that he's been to places that HJoward goes to and it's a place that anyone from the show would go to.
Jon asked JD what that laughter was about. JD said that yesterday Howard complained about the Jay Leno show and today Sal went off on the Leno Show telling Howard how bad the show was. JD said that he knew Howard was going to talk about that and that's why he laughed.
Gary said that Sal doesn't usually wait in the hallway and he thinks that he planned on stopping Howard in the hall on his way. He said Sal seemed very rehearsed about the whole thing and they may have to talk to Brian Phelan about it to find out if he had discussed it with him.
Jason said that it did sound rehearsed and insincere when Sal brought it up with Howard. Jason said it was very weird and it was like he was just regurgitating the whole thing that Howard had said the day before.
JD said he's easily amused so he does laugh a lot. He knows that and apologized for it. Jon told him he doesn't have to apologize.
Brian Phelan from Howard TV came in so Jon asked if Sal bounced the Jay Leno stuff off of him. Brian said he did bounce it off him. Brian said that Sal even said he wanted to watch the show after Howard talked about it.
Benjy asked Brian if Sal asked what he should talk about with Howard. Brian said he just told him about the stuff he saw on the show and bounced that stuff off of him.
Brian said Sal just wanted something to talk to Howard about and that Leno thing was the subject he came up with. Jason said that it was insincere then.
Gary said that it seems that Sal has decided not to buy a ticket on the train anymore and he's just taking a ride in with Brian and a trip home with Jon Hein.
Sal came in and said that he gives Brian $20 a week to ride in with him. He said that helps Brian out so it's not that big of a deal.
Sal said that he didn't just come up with this stuff on the second night for no reason. He said that he fell asleep before the first episode. He said he watched the second one because he was up.
Sal said that Brian saying that he was testing this stuff out was bullshit. Brian said ''Come on...'' and Sal went on a tirade about how they're going after him about this stuff and it's so ridiculous. Sal said he never stands outside his door waiting for Howard and that's not what he did today. He said that he was walking in at the same time as Howard was coming down the hall. He said that he just told Howard the show was a piece of shit and Howard asked him some questions about the show and they had that conversation. He said it wasn't planned and none of that bullshit they were making up was true.
Sal was going on and on saying that they were desperate to get something on him and it's just bullshit. Jon asked Sal to stop for a minute and asked JD what he heard. JD said that it sounded like it was a whole rant he made up that he told to Howard.
Sal said he didn't make it up and he's not sure why it's that big of a deal. He said the thought of the whole thing is ridiculous. Sal said he makes sure to stay out of Howard's way most of the time and he didn't plan on doing this with him this morning.
Sal told Brian that he'd like to sleep in his car when he rides in and he can't believe that he's making this stuff up.
JD said that Sal never does it but today he had to do it. Sal said he just happened to pass Howard in the hallway and he just expressed his opinion with him. Gary wondered why Sal kept referring to Howard as ''Howard Stern'' when they all know his name. Sal said that all of this is just dumb.
Sal said that Howard has been talking about this Leno show for the past 4 months and he wanted to tune in and see what the show was all about. He said that conversations do come up and he wanted to keep up on that show.
Jon and Gary asked Sal why he doesn't watch other stuff that Howard watches. Sal said he just happened to see that show. Jon asked Sal again why he watched that one show and no other shows that Howard watches. Sal said he doesn't bother Howard with conversations like that usually so he doesn't watch that stuff.
Jason said that this conversation took place in front of Sal's office so he wasn't just walking down the hall. Jason said he sounded insincere talking about that stuff too. Sal told Jason he's pathetic.
Gary said that there are people who will defend Sal but you had to see the way it happened. Gary said he's never seen Sal and Howard talk in the hallway like that. Sal said he's never seen it either and they just happened to run into each other in the hall and had that conversation. He gets why they're thinking the way they are but it really wasn't planned out.
Sal said he hopes that he isn't bringing down Richard's rating like they were saying he does. Gary said that when they invite one they do have to invite the other usually. Sal said he wouldn't be upset about Richard going to another party or something without him. He said he'd be more hurt with the person who did the inviting. He said that he and Richard do enjoy each other's company.
A caller said that he did the same thing with the Leno Show that Sal did and watched Leno because Howard talked about it. He said he's on Sal's side in this whole thing. Sal said it's not even a side issue, he just wants them to know that he's changed after 3 and a half years.
Another caller said that he can't tell if they're being serious or trying to yank Sal's chain just to get him going. Sal said he thinks that's what they're doing. He said the guys just hammered him this morning after he did that talk with Howard.
Sal said he ran in to get the NY Post and laughed when he heard Howard talking about Beth liking the little baby. He said that everyone was throwing stuff at him after that like he was Frankenstein's monster. Gary said he didn't talk to anyone about the talk he had with Howard and he still has the same opinion about it being insincere like everyone else does. They had to go to break around that time.
After the clip Jon asked Gary if he agrees with Robin about the guilt trip thing. Gary said he doesn't think he did and she wouldn't have gone if Howard had guilt tripped her. Gary said he thinks that Howard's therapy has probably helped with that.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Robin is dying to get married. Gary said that she made a weird comment in that clip about how she wants to be with someone she loves but not with someone she'll miss if that person goes away.
Sal said Robin is like an alien and she has some wacky shit that comes out of her. He said that she can't find love and she can't attach herself to anyone. Sal said that she's out of her mind and he's not sure what the fuck she's talking about. Sal said she needs to go back to therapy.
Sal said that Robin can't fall in love except with herself. He said that she's obsessed with herself and no one else is worth. Gary said that she did date a guy for a very long time and he believes that she was in love with that guy. Sal said he doesn't think that people can live up to her standards.
Sal said it's hard to get up on the Robin Quivers pedestal because it's so high. He said that Robin is self sufficient and she reveals what a woman would be like if they were in a position of a guy. Sal said she shows that she's going to be the one to dominate. He said it all comes down to women depending on men to make money for them but Robin shows that she's playing the man role.
Jon said that Sal has to listen to what he's saying and asked if he really thinks that a woman with money can't fall in love.
A caller asked when it became the Sal Governale show. Sal said that he's just answering questions. He went off on the caller saying that maybe they should listen to his show instead. The caller asked if maybe the narcissist stuff is Robin's problem. Gary said he's not sure about that but she's choosing to do things the way she wants to do them and he's not sure that's wrong. Sal said there is nothing wrong with that but that's why Robin can't fall in love. He said that love isn't a priority to her.
Another caller said that Sal just happened to be in the right place at the right time and he should just put that in his life diary and move on.
Another caller defended Sal too and said he's good on the show. That guy said that he would love to be Robin's man toy and he'd be her slave if she wanted. Gary said that Robin has guys pushing through to get to Robin all the time and it has to be tough for other guys to get through to her when that's happening. Sal had a few more words to say about women in power and how they don't want to get married. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about OJ Simpson. He read that he's freaking out in jail. He read the article from the National Enquirer where they talk about how he's on suicide watch because of that. Howard said he's not liking being in jail. Howard said that's the way it's supposed to be. Howard talked about what he thinks OJ got away with and how he ended up in jail.
Howard said that killing someone is a major thing to get away with. Howard said he got away with that but then got caught in the robbery thing in Las Vegas.
Howard said OJ is a pussy and he's not going to kill himself. He said that anyone who is going to commit suicide just does it and doesn't whine about it.
Howard said he eats like that there at work because he has to. He said he gets hungry working there and he has to wolf it down during the breaks. Howard said it's disgusting when he eats there. He said he has water spray down his arm from the sandwich and then he's looking for napkins and tissues and he just wants to eat in peace.
Howard said Gary will tell him he has egg on his chin and stuff. He said he knows that. Gary said maybe he should have the food come to him before the show instead. Howard said he has no time to do that before the show. He's busy having his hair done and reading the news.
Howard said Gary will point out the food and then try to help him pick it off. He said it's like two monkeys grooming each other. Howard jokingly said Gary will pick it off and then eat it.
Artie said the show is just bad TV. Howard said that it really doesn't belong at 10 o'clock at night. He said that format doesn't work in prime time.
Howard said he was watching America's Got Talent and they had Susan Boyle on the show. He said she's really good but they've all seen her do her thing already. Howard said she did the song ''White Horses'' really well.
Gary said he's been putting Leno on every night just to see what's going on. He said he tuned in around 10 and he ended up turning to the news instead and he never went back. Gary said he wanted to see a specific news story and he just didn't care about tuning back to Leno.
Howard said you can only last like 10 minutes with those shows and they're just bad programs. Howard said what Jay needs to do is take the Merv Griffin route and just do interviews. He said that Jay is trying to do the Tonight Show at 10 and it's slow and dull.
Gary said Robin Williams was on the Jay Leno show but he knew it wasn't going to come up until 10:30. He said he knows he has to sit through all of those bits they do. He didn't want to do that.
Howard said this show isn't going to fly. He said Jay doesn't have the charisma to pull it off. Howard said if he was on that show with Robin Williams he could make it interesting. He said the problem is that Robin isn't going to do a show with him. He'll end up with Eric the Midget instead.
Gary said that Jay has this thing where he comes out and shakes the audience's hands and they waste like 20 seconds with that nonsense. Howard said that's when people are going to tune out.
Gary said he thought that Jay was doing that the first night just because he had been gone so long. JD came in and said that he's been doing that for a long time since he was on the Tonight Show.
Howard said that on Letterman they don't put up with any nonsense. They'll throw you right out if you make a peep over there. Howard said if you sneeze they'll throw you out of there.
Howard said the whole talk show thing is fascinating to him. He said that Carson Daly is a show he's fascinated with. He'd like to read more about that guy. He said he likes Carson but he can't even get a guest on the show. They can't even get an audience. Howard said they have to pay the audience. Howard said they have a guy who sits in front of the show and pays people $14 to come in and watch the show.
Howard said they have these homeless people in the studio waiting for money and food. Howard said they put black velvet on the seats so people won't see the empty seats.
Artie said he's right about that. He said he did the show one time and it was like a bunch of people sitting there watching a couple of strangers watching two guys talking. Howard said people can almost survive on $14. He said if you go every day you're getting enough to live on.
Howard said he could never deal with it to have someone pay for his audience. Robin said they shoot pilots and they don't have to pay them. She said that people will walk in to see a show and they have no idea what they're going to see. Howard said it's unbelievable that they have to pay Carson Daly's audience.
Howard said Regis doesn't have to pay an audience. They have people waiting in line to go and see that show. Howard said Carson isn't the only one who they have to pay an audience for. He said there are others and he's not trying to pick on Carson.
Howard said the NBC people are going to figure out a way to make it Jay's fault when his show fails. Howard said they were the ones who made this bad decision and they're going to make it seem like Jay's fault.
Howard said Jay has already lost a lot of his audience. Howard said he dropped faster than Conan did. Howard said Jon Hein had all of the details. Jon said that Conan lost 30 percent of his audience after the first night and Jay lost 40 percent.
Jon said that Jay lost millions viewers after that first night. Jon said that's going to happen with a show like that though. Howard said that was a huge drop though and he's pretty sure that the ratings are going to show that it dropped even more. Jon said he gets the ratings around 8:30 so they should know around then. Howard said he thinks that Jay will be down to a 5 in the ratings from last night and by Friday it should be down to a 2.
Howard asked Jon if he watched America's Got Talent last night. Jon missed it so Howard told him about this one guy on the show who he thought was terrible. Howard said he got kicked off last night. He said there are some people who are good like this opera singer. He said she's okay but who is going to go to see an opera singer in Las Vegas. Howard said that's what you have to ask yourself because that's what the whole show is about. They're looking for someone to do a show in Vegas.
Howard said the judges on that show are lame and they're not willing to say anything to anyone. Howard said it's not easy to look someone in the eye and tell them they're horrible. That's what their job is supposed to be though.
Howard was saying that he wouldn't pay 10 cents to watch these fuckin kids on that show. He was getting all worked up and ended up asking ''Where the hell is my wife?'' in the middle of it.
Howard said they dress up these little kids on that show to look like adults and this one little boy is made to look like he's gay. Howard said it's very odd. He said they sexualize the little girls too and that's wrong as well.
Howard said he has an idea for a show and he thinks that this thing he's about to explain is going to be ripped off in about 2 years. Howard said they used to do these makeover shows to make chicks hot. He said that went away and then they went to the fat people and make them skinny to turn them into good looking people. Howard said it was good when the men would take their shirts off and you'd see the layers of fat. He said the women would be in sports bras and it made you wonder why they make sports bras that big because those people aren't exercising.
Howard said they end up picking heinous looking people. He said you can look at fat chicks and tell if they're going to be good looking when they're thin. He said that he's waited for months and months to see people get good looking and they just don't. He said they still have arm fat and a gut and it's not exciting. Howard said Benjy would still look like Benjy when he loses weight. Howard said he's seen that happen to Benjy.
Howard said he's as thin as a pin himself but he still looks like himself. Howard said he was cold last night and texted Beth to let him know. She asked him what he was wearing and he took a picture to show her. He said the picture was so bad. He said he looked like a chicken. He deleted that picture so fast. Then he took a shot without his face in it. Howard said Beth told him he should have worn a heavier jacket of course.
Howard said his hair was a mess and he has that thin neck and all and it was just horrible. Howard said he thinks he looks okay in the mirror but when he takes a picture it just looks horrible. Howard said he took a picture of his daughter and she was beautiful so it wasn't his Blackberry making him look bad.
Howard said they have this trainer on the Biggest Loser and she's not even that good to look at. Howard said they used to have a hot trainer on that show but they got rid of her. Howard said this Jillian is a little rough to watch.
Howard said he also noticed that the women stop wearing belly shirts about half way through the season. Howard said that's backwards. He said they should be in those shirts when they lose weight. Howard said that they should have a show where models who got fat have to lose weight. Robin said that's Celebrity Fit Club. Howard said he doesn't know then.
Howard said he would comb the world for hot chicks who got fat and have people watch them lose weight. Howard said he'd have nude weigh ins and things like that. He said there would be a payoff with a show like that. He said you'd be saying ''I want to fuck her'' at the end of the series.
Robin and Howard talked about plastic surgery and how women are ruining their faces with it. Robin said she thinks that Tyra Banks is doing something with her lip because her upper lip isn't moving. Howard said he'd still do her. He doesn't care about that.
Howard brought up Megan Fox and talked about how she's got a big attitude for someone who hasn't shown any acting skills yet. Howard said she sounded kind of weird in the Transformers movies. Howard said he will go to see her new movie ''Jennifer's Body'' though.
Howard said they got Valerie Bertinelli to lose weight and she looks pretty good now. He said that's the kind of people they need on the Biggest Loser. Howard said he's not sure why he bothers trying to get in shape with that mug he has.
Howard said he was walking down the street the other day and this woman told him he looked good that day. Howard said she was lying or she was insane. Howard said he looked at himself in the mirror and figured he should have punched her in the face for saying that. He knows he doesn't look good.
Howard said he took a picture with Nicole Murphy and Michael Strahan and he heard from Doug Hurwitt who runs his web site. He was asking for permission to post these pictures. Howard said he wouldn't put them in public anywhere. He said he looked awful in the pictures. Howard said he had to write back that he didn't enjoy these pictures. Howard said he doesn't mind other people seeing the pictures, he just doesn't want to see them himself.
Howard asked if anyone there is listening to the radio there. Howard said he wanted to call someone but he figured no one would listen to him. Howard said he was fuming mad.
Howard said they need a new name for the company. He said maybe they should just call it SIRIUS and leave out XM completely. Howard said that he was driving around hearing XM radio and he wasn't able to enjoy his triumph of taking the company over.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it sounds like he's frustrated already. He asked if it's because of Beth being away. Howard said they only say that because they know Beth is away. The caller said Howard sounds sexually frustrated already. Howard said he's only beat off once since she left. Howard said it's shocking to him because he used to beat off like 2 or 3 times a day.
Howard explained how the dinner thing came up when Gary asked him to go and then Artie asked him to go out to dinner. He said the three of them were going to go out. Artie said he was thinking of having Fred there too. Howard said the problem is that other people wanted to go too.
Howard said Jason feels he should come to the dinner too. He said there's a weird thing that goes on between Jason and Will. He said that they're like a package deal like Sal and Richard are. Howard said Gary was analyzing the levels yesterday and both Jason and Will are at the same level. Howard said you can't invite one without the other. It's the same with Sal and Richard.
Howard said he was thinking of having some people from the show out to his house but he didn't want Sal over. Howard said he can't invite Richard without Sal then.
Gary said that Sal and Richard want to be that one person team. Will doesn't want to be that kind of team with Jason. Gary said that Will doesn't really like Jason that much. They're friends but not great friends.
Gary said that Jon Hein had some people out to his house a couple of weeks ago and he asked Sal to come out to his house and Sal asked him if he was going to invite Richard. Jon wasn't going to but Sal said he can't go somewhere without Richard. Howard said that's kind of weird.
Howard said he's going to forget going to dinner with the guys. Howard said it's really not fun to go out to dinner. Howard said it doesn't turn out to be what you think. He said they do have a fun time but it's not really that big of a deal.
Howard said he got an email from Wayne Siegel who asked to go to any kind of dinner he has. He said he pretends that he doesn't know what's going on. Howard said he has to cancel the whole thing because of this. He said there is nothing great about going to dinner with him.
Howard said he's honored that people want to go out to dinner with him. He said that he's really not comfortable being this person. He said no one wanted to go to dinner with him when he was in college. He's not sure why these people want to go out with him so bad.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that he never told the guys he wanted to go to dinner. He said he was just telling the guys that he had never been invited out to dinner. He said he's fine with it if he doesn't get invited.
Robin said that Howard came to her party and got on her boat and then everyone hopped on to be around him. Howard said the boat almost sank because so many people hopped on after him. Howard said it's crazy.
Howard said he never should have said anything on the air. That's why this thing blew up the way it did.
Gary said that Jason and Will got to go out to dinner with Howard early on when they started there and now they think that they didn't say much because it was so new to them and they were star struck. They want another chance at a dinner.
Howard said they pretty much explained what was going on so he wasn't sure if he should play any clips. Artie said he hadn't heard it yet so he wanted to hear it. Howard played some of the Wrap Up Show here Gary was talking about the levels that the guys are at.
Howard said the clips Gary pulls are usually just him talking. Gary said he doesn't pick the clips, Jon Hein does that. Howard said it seems like Gary talks a lot on that show. Gary said he doesn't really, it's just the clip they pulled.
Howard said Sal was trying to defend himself and he's going to back him up on what he was saying. Howard said Sal just happened to turn the corner and it was a random meeting in the hall. Howard said Sal would have stood outside his door if he was stalking him.
In the clip Gary was asking Sal about standing outside his door waiting for Howard and Sal said he never does that. Gary didn't believe it but Howard backed him up on his story. He said that Sal never does that. He said he was the one who stopped Sal in the hall too.
Ralph called in and said that it sounds like the guys were jealous of Sal getting some face time with him. Howard said that might be what it is. Howard said that JD is watching everything going on out there in the hallway. He said that JD is the one who was probably beating off thinking that he should be the one talking to him. JD said that's not what it was like.
Howard said he knocks on JD's window to say hi to him and he just doesn't do anything. JD said he's not sure how to react to that. Howard said ''You just wave back you mutant...'' Howard said JD wasn't able to get out a sentence on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He played that audio clip as well.
In the clip JD was trying to tell Jon and Gary something but he wasn't able to get it out. JD was stumbling through an explanation about what would happen if he got an invite to the dinner or not.
Howard said JD hates when they have tours come through because he has to be introduced to people. JD said he doesn't know people and he feels weird. Howard said he gets weird when he knocks on his glass too though. JD said sometimes he's working on something and it throws him off.
Howard said that JD was commenting on fancy restaurants too. He played that clip next. JD didn't know what he was saying during that conversation either. Howard said JD is really Napoleon Dynamite.
Artie said that JD comes to his gigs and he never knows what to say on stage either. JD said he just doesn't know what to say when Artie introduces him. Artie said he could come up with something to say after being on the road with him for 2 years.
JD said that the plates at the fancy places are different and he was talking about that on the show yesterday. Howard asked him if he thinks that they have trick plates or something. JD said that could be it too. Howard said the Wrap Up Show was really good yesterday.
Howard said Sal made a good point about Robin yesterday too. He said he hit onto something. He played the clip where Sal was talking about Robin being an alien because she's got such wacky shit coming out of her. Sal explained what he thought about her not being able to find love.
Howard said Sal got it right when he explained what Robin said about wanting to love someone but not wanting to miss someone if she was married to them.
Robin said they got that wrong but Howard said she did say what Sal said she said. Howard asked Robin if she thought it would be unusual if her husband went away and she missed them. Robin said that she would still be able to talk to them and it's not like you can't talk to them again. Howard asked if she would miss that person. Robin said she would look forward to seeing them again.
Howard asked Robin if she finds it odd that he says he's missing Beth while she's away. Robin said that it is odd that he misses her. Howard said she's out of her mind and this is not the person he talks to off the air. Howard told her to stop being this character she created for the air and be the person she is off the air. Robin said she is not crazy but Howard wants her to be crazy. Howard said she is crazy. Howard said she's not even crazy, she's nuts.
Howard asked Robin if she has ever been in love. She said she was in love with Mr. X. She doesn't miss him now though. Howard said he thinks that there's nothing wrong with admitting that you miss someone. Howard said he knew he was going to miss Beth when she went away. He said that is love. Howard said he's in touch with his feelings and Robin isn't. Robin said that he was missing her before she even left.
Howard asked Robin why she worries about her cat dying if he's not dead yet. Robin said she wasn't thinking like that. She said that she was worried about his suffering and if she should put him to sleep. Howard said he's not a 34 on the narcissist scale. Robin said he's probably a 60 if he'd answer the questions correctly.
Howard asked Robin if she'll be sad if she puts her cat to sleep in a month. Robin said that's different than what Howard is going through. Howard asked her why she'd be sad now. Robin said she'll never be with the cat again so that's why she'd be upset. Robin said that Howard can still talk to Beth on the phone and visit her.
Howard asked Robin why people live together at all. Robin said that some people don't. Howard said he agrees with Sal on what he was saying. Robin seemed upset about the whole thing and was yelling at Howard about it all.
Howard said Robin wouldn't miss anyone. Howard said that this is tremendous narcissism on her part. Howard asked Fred what he thinks about all of this. Robin said she didn't want Fred to start in on this. Fred said he thinks that Robin believes what she says but her standpoint is one where she doesn't let herself get attached to people.
Fred said that Sal was being a kiss ass in that clip. He said Sal had to put Robin down before he backed her up. Howard said that Robin did say that she couldn't be in love with someone and miss them. Robin said that she wouldn't want someone to think that she had to control their life by missing them. Robin said she doesn't want someone to think that they can't go away because she might miss them. Howard said Beth loves that he misses her. He said that's part of being a human being.
Robin said that Howard is falling apart without Beth around. Howard said he's actually functioning just fine. Robin said that's bull and he's miserable. Howard said he enjoys being with Beth and he misses that now that she's gone away for a month. Robin said that Howard wouldn't miss her if she wasn't around. Howard said he does miss Robin but not today. He said he needs to get away from her today.
Howard said Robin is in love with him. Ralph said that Robin could never be married. Robin said Ralph could never be married either. Ralph said he knows that and he's willing to admit it. He said Robin isn't willing to admit it.
Howard said he thinks that Robin could be married and she needs a man who would miss her if she wasn't around. Robin said she'd be willing to find that out. Howard said he knows the real Robin and she's a mush and a real romantic. He said she loves romance and she would melt if a man said to her that he missed her while he was away for 2 months.
Howard asked Robin what she would do if she was dating this guy in Florida and he said he missed her. Howard asked Robin if she was seeing someone down there or not. Robin said she did not see anyone down there. Howard said Robin doesn't lie so she must be telling the truth about this. Howard said she never lies to him about that. Ralph wasn't so sure about that.
Howard said that Robin would melt if a guy showered her with love. Ralph asked Robin if she missed Jim when he went out on the road. Robin said she didn't miss him because that's what he does for a living.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin doesn't know what it feels like being alone and doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about. Robin said that they're all crazy. Howard said he used to deny missing people even when he did miss them. Now he acknowledges it and Robin is giving him a hard time about it.
Artie said the worst thing is if you miss someone and the other person has no recollection of even going out on a date with you. Howard said he's had that. Howard said his first girlfriend was like that and dated other guys while he was dating her. He thought she was his girlfriend but she didn't know he thought that.
Zolar called in so Howard asked him what he thinks. Zolar said before he goes away he gets the guilt from his woman. Robin said that's what she's talking about and that's just wrong. Zolar was actually backing Robin up in this so Robin told him he was brilliant. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her headlines. Lisa agrees with Robin about what she was saying earlier so Robin mentioned that. Howard asked Lisa if she agrees with the missing a person is wrong statement. Lisa said it's the way you miss a person that can be wrong.
Artie said he misses heroin. Robin said that she misses people that have died because you can never see them again. Robin said that you're with someone when you're on the phone with them. She said that Howard is very needy and that's what the problem is in all of this. Howard said it took him a long time to get there in his therapy to feel human. He said that he thinks about people being more important than he used to think.
Howard said that Robin and Lisa are very similar in many ways so he's not surprised that they agree on this. Lisa said that she misses her cat when she goes away. Howard said that's fine and normal. He said that Robin must miss her cats too. Robin said she just notices that the cat is not there. Howard said this is such a silly thing and they were done with the discussion. Artie said he misses that conversation already.
Lisa said that Robin has made the best dressed list in a magazine article. Howard looked at some of the other people who were in the article with her. They had a picture with Kathie Lee Gifford and Howard said that can't be her. Howard said that can't possibly be her. Lisa said that they've done stuff on the air where they do stuff to her face.
Howard said Christie Brinkley looked good in the picture but Kathie Lee looked really different. Howard congratulated Robin on getting on that list. Howard said Robin had the biggest titties in that group. Fred said that all of the other tits wouldn't add up to what Robin has.
Robin said she'd like to look like everyone else but she can't hide those things. Howard said Robin's dress was nice in the picture and her shoes were nice too.
Howard said he feels sad for Robin. She said that they had just beaten her up all morning and now they were telling her she looked nice. Howard said she's just putting up a struggle to admit that she's human. Howard said her therapist left the business because of her. Robin said that Howard's piano teacher killed himself. Howard said that's right and it was probably because he was awful at piano.
Robin told Howard that he's absolutely right and she misses someone every day and she's miserable and she cries and she can't get out of bed sometimes. She was just trying to make him stop with that stuff.
Howard said that Robin is human and she misses things and denies that she misses things. He said he's not sure why that is. Robin asked Howard what his thing is about this. Howard said he went through the same thing. He said he feels sad for her. Robin told him not to say that anymore. She said that she's fine and she doesn't want him feeling sorry for her.
Howard said that in the Star Trek series the Vulcan's stopped all emotion and the reason it was interesting is because you can't eliminate it. Robin said he hasn't eliminated it and she just doesn't have Howard's emotions.
Lisa said that she spoke to the people who run Nature's Gate, the new deodorant that Howard likes, and they say that their business has been up since he mentioned them. Howard said that deodorant (Nature's Gate Spring Fresh) changed his life. Howard said he was looking for something like this for along time. He said he had been using Dry Idea for years because it was the only thing that worked for him. Robin got some of the stick for herself but Howard kept telling her to try the roll-on. Robin said she doesn't like roll-on. Howard told her to try it anyway. She wasn't going to do it.
Howard said this deodorant is great and he's glad that it doesn't have aluminum in it. Lisa said that she had some details about that. She said that they do have aluminum salt in it but it's not like this other aluminum chlorohydrate that is considered possibly carcinogenic. Howard asked why Lisa had to ruin it for him. Howard told her to stop researching everything.
Lisa said that Steve Grillo told her about how he learned his rapid fire intervening skills working there as an intern. Howard said that Steve isn't the prom queen yet. Howard said he has to pepper his questions with some answers too. Howard said he did a good job but he needs a little practice.
Howard said that whole thing Lisa did about the aluminum thing just ruined it for him. Robin asked how they can say it's aluminum free and say that it has aluminum salt in it. Howard said he's not sure what's going on with that.
Howard read that DJ AM had slept with Paris Hilton after he broke up with Nicole Richie. Howard said he was apparently some kind of operator. Howard said he was going through Nicole and Paris and a lot of girls. Robin said there were models sobbing at his funeral. Howard said he'd be fine with being Paris Hilton's revenge sex. He had to go to another break after that.
Howard came back and took a phone call from a guy who said maybe they should have a celebrity dinner to increase the jealousy of Beth. Artie said that's what he and Fred are. Howard said he's not looking to make Beth jealous. The caller said that would make her miss him.
The caller asked if Robin was okay. Howard said she's fine but he'd like her to get in touch with her feminine side. Robin laughed and the caller said that was a crazy laugh she had.
Howard said he got some porn that the guys gave him to watch. He said it was too weird to beat off to. He said it was called ''Cuckold 6.'' Robin thought that meant that it was about a guy getting yelled at. Howard said that's kind of what it was. He said that these white chicks were getting banged by black dudes in front of the husband. Howard said it was very strange and he didn't get turned on by it at all. Howard said he's not sure what it plays on.
Howard said the women were basically just pissing on the husbands. He said that in this one clip the woman was telling the black guy not to worry about her husband because he was just a loser. The black guy starts going off on the white guy asking why he would let him fuck his wife in his house. Howard said it was pretty wild stuff and you'd really have to want to torture yourself to watch this.
Howard said he had to record a voice mail for Beth. He said he was on a roller coaster with Steve Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow. He was just trying to make her jealous like the caller suggested.
Howard said there was another clip from the porn where the husband is on the couch and the black guy is getting blown. Howard said the acting in the movie wasn't all that great so the guy on the couch was trying to look angry about his wife fucking this guy. The guy was telling the husband that he had just been to the gym and his wife was sucking on his balls.
Howard said it gets worse after that. He said the black guy then starts to bang the guy's wife. The husband won't leave the house and just sits there taking it. Howard played that clip and the black guy wouldn't stop talking. He was banging the chick and she was talking about how much she loves his dick and things like that while the husband was watching.
Howard said he can beat off to just about anything except for this and pee videos and defecation videos. Artie jokingly said that was Don Cheadle in that movie.
JD came in and said that this is aimed at guys who like to be humiliated. Howard asked JD if he would just sit there and take it while that was going on. JD said he wouldn't do that, he's not a Cuckold.
Howard asked JD if he beat off to that porno. JD said he didn't. He said that the girls weren't that hot in the movie. Howard said he was right about that. Howard said he may have jerked off if they were hot.
Richard came in and said that there are some videos where they do the opposite of this. They have a black guy's wife getting fucked by rednecks. Richard said the guys are wearing confederate flag t-shirts and things like that in the video. Richard said he'd pull some of those clips for him.
Howard said in this movie the white guy tells the wife that the guy wasn't black enough and he was upset with her about that. Howard played that clip too and the husband tells her that he wanted a black guy who looked as dark as a struck match.
Richard said he loves that JD comes to work at 2 in the morning to pull clips like that. Howard said he didn't make it through all of the scenes that JD had pulled for him. Howard said the movie was very upsetting and weird.
Howard mentioned that Greg Fitzsimmons was going to be stopping in today. He then played some more porn clips. He had one of a guy cumming really loud. They had played that one on the show before.
Robin said she didn't hear it. Howard told her to pay attention. She was busy reading while he was playing it. Howard played the clip again for Robin. Robin said she heard an F in there. She wasn't sure that he was saying ''plucking.'' Artie said he's heard that Ernie Anastos is a dumb guy and maybe he didn't even know he said it.
Howard said you can't be that dumb as a news guy like that. Fred said he knew a lot of news reporters that were dumb and they only sound smart when they're reading the news.
Howard asked Robin if she thought there were complete morons she worked with at NBC. Robin said that they were all good from what she could tell.
Howard asked Robin why Kanye was on the stage. Robin said she thinks that he jumped up or came from back stage to get out there. The caller asked if they will ever have him on the show again. Howard said he's pretty sure they will but they shouldn't.
The caller said that she was watching Oprah talking about how she thought Kanye was profoundly lonely. Howard said Oprah is a phony and that whole praying thing with Whitney Houston was bullshit.
The caller said she likes that Howard doesn't act like a jackass all the time like these other celebrities do. Fred said that Kanye's father was a former black panther and his mother was a doctor of English at a college. She died a while back though.
Howard said that if a country music star did the same thing to Beyonce there would be outrage from the black community. Howard said Beyonce went up a bunch of points in his book after all of that because she let Taylor Swift use her time to give her thank-you speech.
The woman asked Howard if he had any money for her. Howard said that just ruined her call for him. He said he didn't have any money for her. She thanked him anyway. Howard said that made him think that she was just lathering him up over that whole thing.
Howard said that he was a guy that no one ever paid attention to when he was growing up. He said that he did get laid as a kid but he was pretty much ignored in school. Howard said that he was kind of a happy kid and then got depressed and turned to drugs. He said that he wasn't functioning so well through all of that.
Howard said he had a couple of rough years in there. He said he just wasn't happy and he was kind of a loner even though he had a couple of friends. Howard said his friends were an embarrassment though. He said they were like the Breakfast Club. Howard said he had some friends in high school who aspired to be as cool as JD.
Howard said that he was reading this article where a guy who he went to elementary school with told a story about him freaking out in a haunted house and he ended up screaming and crying on the floor of the place. Howard said that this guy wasn't even a close friend of his. He said that the story was totally fabricated and he never went to any haunted house with the guy. He said he may have gone to haunted houses but they don't freak him out. He said he's not sure why Richard goes to them. He said that people have stories about him and they make this stuff up. Howard said he didn't say a fucking word in college. He said he was pretty much unconscious on drugs during that time.
Howard said there are some people who are jealous of him being famous and he'd just like to say ''fuck you'' to them. Robin said she had a person tell her a story about Howard that she knew wasn't true. Howard said he goes out of his way to be cordial and nice to people and he's not sure why he does so much work to do that.
Howard said this guy is going around telling stories about him that just aren't true. Robin said that Dan Klores did that with the Michael Jackson story. Howard said that's right and he hasn't had time to sit down with him to talk to him about it.
Howard said he had a guy write an open letter about him when he canceled on a get together with some people. Howard said this guy was a childhood friend of his and he wrote this letter to everyone and it was basically ''TFB'' (Too fuckin Bad) if he can't show up. Howard said that the guy was basically saying that because he's famous and they weren't able to work around his schedule, too fuckin bad. Howard said when he thought about it he really didn't want to see these people that he grew up with. Howard said he was looking forward to it at first but then he had a scheduling conflict and had to cancel. Howard said the guy was all pissed off that he didn't go.
Howard said that guy doesn't know him so he shouldn't be writing about him that way. Howard said that what the guy doesn't know is that he turned black in 8th grade. He said he's the blackest man there is out there now. Howard said he's even blacker than Obama. Howard said Fred is blacker than Obama.
Howard said that was an example of people accusing him of douchy behavior when it wasn't. He said he had something else to do that day and he wasn't able to make it to that reunion.
Howard said he was out for a run in the park the other day and he ran into his niece. Howard said this guy came up to him and asked him to take a picture with him and his daughter. Howard said he was running and he didn't want to be photographed. Howard said he didn't want to stop running either because he was trying to work up an aerobic work out. Howard said the guy called his daughter over to him trying to take the picture anyway. Howard said that guy would call and say that he's a dick. Robin said that the guy was the one being the dick though.
Howard said one time his daughter was playing tennis and some people asked him to sign some stuff for them. Howard said he didn't want to do that since he was watching his daughter. He said that it wasn't actually a tennis match but he was at something his daughter was doing. Howard said that he doesn't know how to handle all of this stuff but he does feel fortunate that he has fans who want to see him. He said some of them do carry it too far though.
Howard said if he was at an event and saw someone like Paul McCartney or John Lennon, if he was alive, and he was with his son, he wouldn't walk up to him and bother him. Fred said that here was a story in a book about John Lennon where a guy bothered him for an autograph while Yoko was in the hospital having a miscarriage.
Howard said he would stare at John Lennon but he would give him his space. Howard said he wouldn't bother the somebody like that. Howard said he's a different kind of person though.
Howard said he wants to know if Robin hears any stories about him being a dick head. He said that the stories probably aren't true.
Artie said he thinks that Gary has an issue with Greg. Gary said they fixed that. Gary said Greg had some things to say about Artie on the Wrap Up Show and he disagreed with him about the way he was talking about the guy but they worked things out. He said that Greg was preaching to him and he didn't like the way he was doing it.
Howard asked Gary if he was sticking with the beard. Gary said it's looking that way. Howard said it's really white. Gary has a black moustache and a white beard. Gary said he's going to trim it a bit and his wife is liking it so he may keep it.
Gary said he's getting a 50/50 like and dislike the beard thing. Artie said he likes it and it looks kind of cool. Greg Fitzsimmons was in Gary's office trying to explain show business to him again.
Howard and the guys talked about how Burt Reynolds was in rehab and that led to Artie talking about how he's still in therapy and he's only going 2 days a week now. Artie said that the guy wants him there 3 days a week but he's going to just have 2 one hour good days a week instead of 3 at 45 minutes each.
Howard said that the whole psychiatry thing is crazy and it's not so simple to work it all out. Howard said it fucks his whole day up. Robin asked Howard if he would go to longer sessions for less days a week. Howard said he can't do that, he'd rather go 3 days a week.
Artie said that he's feeling a lot of guilt because he's coming up to his 42nd birthday and that's the age that his father died. He said that he thinks that he has to suffer in some way like his father did and he's not sure why. Artie said it's wrecking his day to think about that and he's trying to get through that stuff.
Howard asked Artie why he thinks he deserves to be punished. Artie said he was supposed to try and go to college that day. Artie said he told his father he didn't ant to go to work with him that day and he was going to apply to college instead. He said that he would have been holding the ladder for his father. The guy that owned the house ran into the house to answer the phone and that's when his father fell.
Artie said the guy who owned the house felt guilty over that whole thing. Artie said he thinks that he should suffer in some way because he wasn't there for his father. Artie said he hasn't been able to enjoy things since that day and he has a lot of guilt over it.
Robin said she suspected all along that it was the heart of Artie's pain. Howard said Artie is right though, maybe he should have been there. Howard said he was just joking about that and it was his old man who made the decision to put his ladder on a picnic table. Howard said Artie didn't push him off the ladder or anything like that.
Howard said that if Artie had an 18 year old son and he didn't want to go out with him one day and Artie gets hit by a car, he's not going to blame the kid for not being there. Artie said that's true. He said that he has tried to work through this stuff and the doctor asks him how long he's going to put himself through this stuff.
Fred did his Ted Kennedy impression and talked about how quickly he got over the death of Mary Jo Kopechne. Howard said Artie might have to go 3 days a week because if he can get through all of that stuff then maybe he can move on with his life.
Howard said that it's not that crazy to obsess about something like that but Artie does need to work through it and get over it. Howard said Artie is the one who should be going 3 days a week. Howard said his shrink won't let him come less than 3 days a week. Howard wants to do it just 2 days but he can't get out of it.
Howard said that Artie doesn't want to be more successful than his father. That's what this is all about. He asked Artie why that is. Artie said he doesn't know. Howard said they can't settle this stuff right here. Artie said they're like family to him so he likes to talk it out. He said he can't wait to see the fan mail about that.
Greg did an impression of Gary that wasn't all that great. Gary said that made Craig Gass' impression look good. Greg said he doesn't do impressions usually so that was the first time he had ever done one of Gary.
Greg said he just talks in his act and he doesn't have props and stuff. He said he doesn't need a puppet in his act. Greg said that he had bad mouthed Carrot Top on the show one time and he ended up standing next to him at some event waiting for his car and Carrot Top was there. He said that he apologized to him for what he said and Carrot Top said it was fine because they're all just comedians kidding around. Greg said that made him feel like an even bigger asshole because of the way things went down. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Van Halen were great when they were in their prime. Howard said that they were still good even when Sammy Hagar came in. Howard said he had to get to Mike Walker next. Howard ended up talking to Greg about working on another black sitcom. Howard said Greg knows what black people want somehow.
Artie said he heard a story about Redd Foxx asking for all black writers but that didn't work out so he told them to bring back ''my Jews.''
Howard got to Mike Walker who was ready to go with his gossip game. Mike was down in Florida at home but he was out in his office that's about 35 feet away from his house. He doesn't spend a lot of time with his wife. Howard said that Mike doesn't love his wife and he can tell by the way he stays away from her all year long. Howard said Mike could write his column from anywhere but the one place he doesn't do it is at home.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Steve said that Big Foot is in court again for allegedly spitting in someone's face. Steve said that 25 years ago Gary changed the pronunciation of his name. Now Shuli Egar is changing his first name pronunciation to ''Sha-ool'' because that's the correct pronunciation.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview and did the usual rundown of the subjects they had for today's show. That led to Howard and Robin talking about their argument from earlier about the ''missing someone'' subject. They argued about that a little bit before Jon finished up his show preview.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone. Mutt said they'll talk about the end of the Booey contest with Dustin Hoffman and Marissa ''Torme'' calling in. Mutt said they'll also talk about the Boys Night Out and who should go and not go. They're also going to talk about Howard getting upset about Beth leaving him. Mutt said he also wants to talk about Howard being against beatings with the dogs and kids.
Greg said he washed his kids's mouth out with soap last week. Howard said that's despicable. Greg said that his daughter picked up on what he said and he got really angry because she was going to be saying it in her class in first grade. Greg said his kid was yelling at him ''No daddy, anything but that!'' Howard said he has to be kidding about this. Greg said he's not.
Howard said that he can't be doing something like that to a kid. He said it's just as bad as a beating. Howard said that's really wrong. Greg said he sat down and talked to the kid for 45 minutes after that. He said the kid was hugging him after that. Greg said that kids want to be told what to do.
Robin said that the kid was looking for attention and he's missing something there. He said that Greg is washing the kid's mouth out with soap instead of paying attention to what the kid needs.
Howard told Greg that sticking a bar of soap in a kid's mouth is humiliating. He said that shows that the kid's father doesn't understand how to speak to the kid.
Greg said that the kid was saying ''sucking balls'' and that's what his daughter picked up on. Howard asked why the kid kept saying that in front of his sister. Greg said he didn't know why he did it. He said at first he didn't know he had said it but then he said that he would stop but then he kept doing it. Howard told him to take TV away or something like that instead of washing his mouth out with soap. Robin said that he should have done the TV thing and followed through on it because that's hard to do for a parent. Greg said he had to hold the kid's head while he did it and that was hard.
Fred said this is a big ''no'' in the parent's dictionary and you just don't do that. Fred said that he should have spoken to his daughter about this too instead of putting all of the blame on the son. Greg said his wife agreed with this but Howard said he doesn't believe that.
Greg asked what you're supposed to do when a kid keeps testing the limits. Robin said that he had no right to do what he did to that child. Greg said that she has no right saying anything because she doesn't have kids. Howard said he never hit his daughters or washed their mouths out with soap. Greg said that no one cay say if that's right or wrong. He said that his daughter could have been humiliated at school if she had said it in class.
Howard took a call from a phony ''Mr. Collier from Child Protective Services'' who said that this is almost like sodomy by putting something in a child's mouth that doesn't belong there.
Howard said that Greg's reaction to his son was way over the top. Artie said he could have donkey punched him instead. Howard said that his son may not be completely damaged by this but he may have some bad feelings toward him in the future.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Greg comes out with some crazy stuff every time he's been on the show. She said that putting soap in a 9 year old's mouth is insane. Howard said that is unheard of today.
Greg said his son sat there and he put the soap in for like one second and all he got was a little on his tooth so he had him brush his teeth. He said it was just a taste of soap. Howard said he wanted to interview the kid about the soap incident. Greg said that won't happen. He said he can interview him off the air but not on the air. Howard said he doesn't care about it off the air.
Robin started off with a story about a study that was done to find the area of the country with the largest penis sizes on average. Washington DC was the area they found to be the biggest.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said his mother washed his mouth out with soap. He said he needed a beer after that. Jeff said he had feelings of inadequacy. Howard said Jeff can't even get out of that trailer after all of that.
Jeff said they had a great week of guests this week. He said the show as very intriguing. Artie figured he was going to ask for money. He did an impression of Jeff yelling ''Can I have some money!?!?'' Jeff said he liked Rod Blagojevich on the show this week. He said he was good and so was Dustin Hoffman.
Howard asked Greg about writing for the Wanda Sykes show. Greg said that the staff is probably 50/50 black and white. He said that his buddy Louis CK helped him out. He said that he has no problem writing jokes for any type of person whether it's black, white, gay or straight.
Greg said they're going to be launching this new show for Wanda soon and it'll be replacing MAD TV. He said it's going to be a sketch show and a talk show hybrid.
Howard asked Greg what he thought of the Jay Leno show. He said he actually thought it was good. He said that the car wash thing was funny. Howard said he thought it was good too but it went on too long. Greg said he won't be watching the show thought. He only watches Kimmel and there are too many others out there and there are more on the way.
Jon came in and said that Jay had a 9.2 rating last night on his show. That was better than Tuesday's show. Howard sounded surprised by that. Howard said he still thinks the show will be in the toilet by the end of the week. Howard said that it should drop dramatically.
Gary said that Jon had some info on Conan and Letterman. Jon said that a new Conan show got a 2.7 and a replay of a Letterman show got a 2.5. He said that Conan may get screwed and he thinks that NBC could bring Jay back to 11:30 and get rid of Conan or move his show back to 12:30.
Robin got back to her news and read about the penis thing. The smallest were found in Alaska. Howard talked about how he was measured at 6 inches on the how one time. He said that you measure at the base of the penis before the balls. He said you shove it in there and measure. He said that Houston the porn star measured him and it was 6 inches. Howard said that he's like an inch long when he's flaccid though.
Robin read about a new TV show called the Divas in Hollywood. She read some of the names like Miley Cyrus, Jordan Sparks and a few others.
Robin read about Kate Winslett being on the top list of best dressed women. Howard asked Robin how she got in there. She said they didn't solicit it at all. She said that they just put her in there after asking her agent what dress she was wearing that night.
Robin read about Jorge Posada being suspended for starting a fight during a game the other day. Artie said that's bullshit.
Robin read about Linda McMahon running for a senate seat. She had some audio of her talking about that. Howard said they say she's the genius behind the WWE. Howard said she's been part of the WWE so they may bring that out in during her run for Senate.
Greg had a joke about a previous story so they were joking about him doing a ''call back'' to something earlier. Fred threw in the sound of a truck backing up as Greg went back and gave his comments about that story.
Robin read about Burt Reynolds going into rehab. The National Enquirer had apparently found out about that visit to rehab and Burt came out with his own statement about the visit.
Robin had Howard play a Peter Paul and Mary song. Mary just passed away after a battle with cancer. They spent a short time talking about the group and their songs after that. Robin read about actor Henry Gibson dying. She said that he had a cancer battle as well. He died at 73.
Robin read about the Phantom of the Oprah still going on after 21 years on Broadway. Howard said he couldn't imagine wanting to go see that play. He said he did like the Lion King but anything else he's not interested in. He said he hates it and he's not sure how they exist. Howard said there is no talking and it's all singing and people describing what they're doing. Howard did an impression of them singing about a piece of paper and a pen.
Howard played some of the Phantom music and asked what the hell the guy was singing about and carrying on about. Howard said he remembers the days when a play was just spoken words. Robin said that's what plays are, these are Musicals.
Howard did more of his musical impressions. He sang a song about JD finding love. Howard sang about his trouble with speech, being marble mouthed, watching TV for a living and yet still having hope. Howard sang about JD having an iPod as a friend and also the web. He sang about Kissyfur and JD's mother running off with a Hawaiian guy and still, JD has a chance to find love.
Howard said he doesn't think that they're real songs in those musicals. He said that no one would pay to buy those songs. Robin said that you don't leave those places humming the songs.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about President Obama and they had to go to break after that.
After the break we heard a prank call Sal and Richard made to Gary the Retard about his smoking. Fred also played a cover of The Beatles ''Across the Universe'' as they were coming back.
Greg got in some plugs for his radio show and Robin said she thinks it's great. Greg said they have some big guests coming up soon. He said he has Lisa Lampanelli coming up on Monday. Adam Carolla will be on soon as well.
Robin got back to her news and read a some news about the girl who was killed at Yale. Robin said they have this guy who is a ''person of interest'' right now. He's holed up in a hotel somewhere and they expect an arrest to be made today. They say that the girl was strangled. She was found shoved in a wall in the building she went missing in.
Howard told Greg that he'd agree that this guy deserves soap in his mouth. Greg said that's not where the soap is going if he goes to prison.
Robin read about this Hofstra University incident where a girl claimed she was gang raped and now she's recanted the story. Greg asked if Ralph was in that story because he had made up the story about Sandra Bernhard. Howard and the guys told him that it was Sandra Bernhard who made up the story and Ralph had nothing to do with it. Greg thought they both had something to do with it but he was wrong.
Robin said the girl who told the rape story said that she made the whole thing up. Now the guys are going to have this history following them around. Howard said they're going to be tainted for life for going to Hofstra.
Robin said that the mid-air collision over the Hudson could have been avoided if the pilot of the plane had been given the right frequency for the correct air traffic controller. He had the wrong number and wasn't corrected.
Robin said that some viral emails are going around right now. When you open the mail it takes in all of your contacts and starts spamming everyone in your email list. Robin said that downloading an IRS form via email they can take over your email system and spam everyone in your contact list.
Robin read a story about kidnapper Phillip Garrido and how they're still searching his back yard for bones and stuff. One woman thinks that this guy could have kidnapped her daughter years before Jaycee Duggard was kidnapped.
Howard threw in a couple of jokes about Greg washing out his kids' mouth with soap and Greg said his wife really doesn't like this stuff getting out on the air so he knows that Howard is doing it just to get under his skin.
Robin mentioned that Howard refused to get into the Tyra Banks discussion earlier and she thinks that he does that because Beth is on her show. Howard said that's exactly why he does that. He said that Tyra has Beth has her show often so he doesn't want to ruin anything for her. That led to Fred playing clips of a dolphin chirping. Howard said Tyra is actually afraid of dolphins and talked about that on one of her shows.
Robin read about Dick Cheney going to a hospital for some spinal problems. Howard asked if anything works on that guy. He said it sounds horrible.
Robin read a story about John Allen Mohammed, a murderer, who is going to be put to death soon. Howard said there was one guy who they had on the table to put to death and they weren't able to find a vein to kill him. Howard said they took that as a sign that they shouldn't kill him. Howard said they should still put him to death in some way.
Howard said that they once had a failed electric chair execution and one guy burst into flame and lived. They put him in the chair the next year when the supreme court ruled that it was okay to try a second time.
Robin read some news about Chris Brown doing his community service. She said that he was out picking up garbage and cleaning up a police horse stable as his punishment. He's going to be on probation for 5 years.
Robin had some audio of Megan Fox talking about her character in her new movie ''Jennifer's Body.'' Howard said that the echo on her mic was showing that she was in front of a huge, empty room of reporters. Howard said that's probably what her thoughts sound like in her head. Howard had to cut the clip of saying he wasn't able to listen to it.
Megan also talked about how she never goes on the internet. She said that if you want a good reason to commit suicide you should google yourself. Megan was also talking about how she never really had a good chance to act before this movie but she thinks she has proven she's a good actress. Megan also talked about how mean teenage girls can be. She said it's very frightening to watch.
Robin read about Danny DeVito being in the TV show ''It's Always Funny in Philadelphia.'' She had some audio of him talking about why he went back to TV. Danny said he loved TV and Taxi was the greatest moments he ever spent. He said that this show was unique and outrageous so he went for it. Howard said the real reason is that he's an actor and he wanted to work. They had to end the show a short time later, right around 10:45am.
Jon ran down some of the other stuff they were going to cover and went with the subject of Robin and Howard's arguing about loving and missing someone.
Gary said that you can't tell someone what to do. He said that people do miss people and if his wife was gone for a month he would miss her. He said that's a long time. Jon said he disagrees with Robin but her argument was that you're never out of touch with someone if you're on the phone with them and keep in touch during that month.
Gary said that it's okay to miss someone and it's not a terrible thing. Jon had Teddy play a clip from the argument Howard and Robin had where Robin was yelling at Howard for being sad about Beth leaving when she hadn't even left yet.
Gary said they've talked about Robin before and sometimes she will dig in on an argument and she just can't turn back. Jon said that everyone gets like that sometimes. Jon said he thinks that she believes what she's saying though. Jon said if he knew his wife was going away he'd have those feelings of missing her just like Howard did. He didn't think there was a problem with that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Greg Fitzsimmons sucks on the show and wondered why they have him on. He also told Gary he has to shave that beard off. He said he's seen it on the web site and thinks he should get rid of it. Gary said he's logging the opinions and he's getting about 50/50 split on the like and dislike poll. He said he has to get to 60/40 before he'll get rid of it.
Another caller said that Howard is going to a shrink and he thinks that he's going to have to go for the rest of his life. He should be trying to get out of it. Gary said that Howard is trying to get out but the shrink won't let him out. The caller said that the shrink should start doing his job and get Howard out of there. Gary said that he is trying but it must be a very big job.
Gary said the whole thing with Robin is kind of sad and comes across as cold and harsh at times. Jon asked if he thinks that she's suppressing something there. Gary said he's seen her in love with a guy before so she's had that love before.
Jon asked if it was Robin's character talking today or if it was the real Robin. Gary said he's pretty sure that's the real Robin.
Jon also brought up Lisa G and her agreeing with Robin. He asked if they think that Lisa calls her apartment and talks to her cat on the answering machine. Gary said he thinks that she might do that. Jon asked if he thinks that Jason would do that with his cat too. Gary doesn't think he would because he has that distraction that's also known as a wife.
Steve Brandano talked about how he and Jason had a discussion about liking cats and TV shows and if you can miss both. Steve said that Jason likes to look at the cat and he likes to look at the TV show Mad Men. He said that they can miss both. Gary said he thinks that he would miss Mad Men more than a cat.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Robin doesn't know what she's talking about when she talks about how to raise kids. The guy said that he had some soap in his mouth just like Greg did to his kid and he's fine. He said that he's not defending that but Robin doesn't understand what it's like having kids so she shouldn't be commenting on it.
Gary said that they took away his son's Xbox as a punishment and that seems to work just as good as anything else.
Jon was asking Jason about calling his cat on the answering machine. Jason said that they say that a cat is comforted when they hear your voice so he has done that. Gary said his wife put him on speaker one time and the dog was reacting to his voice so they do react.
Jon asked Artie what he was doing up there. Artie was up there to kill some time eating a hot dog because his driver was late and it was raining out. He had a mouth full of food as he was saying that.
Jon asked Artie what he thinks about this whole Robin thing. Artie said he's not sure if it's a rebellious thing or what but she seems to have to put on this front. He said that she must feel that way about some things and it's weird that she won't admit it.
Benjy said he thinks that Robin is being honest. He said he gets what she was saying about all of that. Jason said that if Robin doesn't miss anyone or anything then it's psychotic. He said it says a lot about a person. Benjy said that she's just showing that she chooses to focus on different things.
A caller got the guys talking about Robin never living with a man and how she's always lived on her own. She used to live close to Mr. X but didn't live with him. Jason wondered what happened in Robin's life that she doesn't want to let men into her life.
Another caller told Gary to keep the beard. He said that chicks love the grey on the beard look. The guy also told Artie that there are a lot of fans out there who love and respect him. He said that he should look at his life and just hold on. He said that his father would be proud of him.
Gary told Artie that as a father you always want your kids to do 100 times better than you. He said the guy was right about how his father would probably be proud of him. Artie said he still feels that great stuff is going to stop happening.
Artie said he likes bringing some of that stuff up on the show. He said he used to use it as therapy before he went to therapy. Artie said that the fans are so great that they really care about you and want you to do well. He said that radio fans are so much different than TV fans. He said they really get involved.
Artie said that he gets to go out to do shows around the country and it's great to see how much they love the show. He said it's really a satisfying thing to see in person.
Gary said that sometimes he thinks that they get more love in Philly than they do even in New york. Greg Fitzsimmons came in and said that he loves the club Helium down in Philly because the fans are so great down there. He called it ''Hilarities'' but denied doing that when Artie called him out on it. Greg said that the secret to life is to just deny you ever said it.
Another caller said that people are supposed to miss people and that's what Robin is missing in her life. She said that she will never have that if she never lives with someone. The caller said that Robin has never done that.
The caller said he misses the scent of his wife's lotion and things like that. Artie told him that for an extra 10 bucks a whore will wear that scent for him.
Jason said he heard Greg saying that he misses shoving soap down his kid's throat. Greg told Jason he was looking fat today. That's all he had to shoot back at him with. He told Jason that his shirt was hanging out over his fat belly and it's never good when you're wearing cargo pants.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Artie was vocal today and she liked that. She said that she missed him being so quiet earlier in the week. Artie said that's part of what he's talking about with the personal feelings about the show.
The caller said that Howard was talking about the autograph thing and how he probably gets bothered with that a lot. She said that a normal person running into Howard on the street has to work up the nerve to ask for an autograph. Gary said that Howard has never been that into autographs. He said they got him a Moe Howard autograph one time and Howard just doesn't get it. He thinks that autographs are just frivolous.
Greg said that Howard gets very little free time because he works so much and then he has people asking him to take time to sign something.
Jason said that it's not so much asking the first time, it's the people who keep on him and won't take no for an answer.
The woman said that she was turned down by Alan Alda for an autograph when she was 12. She said she still thinks of him as an asshole. Gary said that you don't know what kind of day he may have had that day though so you can't be mad at him for saying no.
The caller said that when you get the balls to go up and tell someone you like what they do you think that they're going to react in a nice way. Greg asked her what she does for a living and found out she's a graphic designer. Greg asked her what she would do if she was out having some private time and someone recognized her and interrupted her. She said she gets what he's saying but she thinks that it comes with being a celebrity.
Artie said he met Gary out on the street one time before he knew him and he yelled out ''Baba Booey!'' while Gary was walking down the street with a chick on his arm. Artie said he probably got Gary laid that night.
Greg saidthat Howard neesd time to recharge so he can do a good show every day. He said that it might be a good idea to just leave Howard alone.
Gary said he went to a baseball game with his father in law, his son and his brother in law. They were in the commissioner's box at the game and Frank Robinson was sitting right in front of him. Gary said he bought a baseball and a pen and waited until they were between innings to ask for the autograph. Gary said that the guy turned and glared at him like he had just called his wife a whore. Gary said that he put the ball away and wasn't going to bother him anymore but the guy put his hand behind him and snapped his fingers asking for the ball. Gary said he gave it to him and he signed it without ever looking back at him. Gary said it was a very weird experience. Gary said that he would have taken no for an answer but it wasn't even a no.
Greg said that he was in an elevator with Bill Murray one time and he asked him to sign his ticket stub. He said that he didn't have a pen so Bill just bit it and told him that should get him back in. He said he still has that pinned up on a board in his house.
Gary said that he loves what Steve Martin does. He said that Richie Wilson thought it was kind of douchy until he saw the card he actually hands out. Steve gives a card that says you met him and he was a nice guy. Benjy said he met Steve recently and he didn't get the card.
Ralph called in and said he doesn't get why Greg was being so mean to that woman earlier. He said that he thinks that it's part of celebrity and getting your picture taken is part of it as well. Greg said that some people don't get famous because they want to and they may not want all of that stuff in their life. Gary said he thinks that is part of the job but Greg disagreed with him on it.
Gary said that it might not be part of the job but you shouldn't be surprised if you end up on a web site where people are calling you an asshole.
Gary said that some people enjoy doing the autograph signing thing. He thought that Greg was saying that it was going to bother every person that you ask for an autograph. Greg said that's not what he said.
Greg also asked Ralph if he has something bothering him because he's called in the last couple of times and called him out on something. He said that he's busting his balls for some reason and he must have offended him in some way. Greg asked him what it was.
Ralph said that in general Greg comes off bad on the air and he comes off as an asshole lately. He said that with all of the stories he has on the air he seems like he may be an asshole. Ralph said he thinks he's being an asshole today about the autograph thing.
Ralph said that he gets irritated when he hears Greg on the show and now he knows what people are talking about when they say they get irritated by him. Ralph said he likes Greg in private but he comes off as an asshole on the air. Greg said he likes Ralph too but he still thinks that he has some kind of hair up his ass about him.
Ralph said that it's always great when he explains why something is funny or not funny. Greg was starting to do that again when Ralph made a snoring sound. Greg said he knows that he's annoying. He said he doesn't have any self esteem and Ralph calling in with that is fine. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary asked Greg if he gets to his family things late too. Greg said that's different and he doesn't show up late. He said he has issues and he's late for other stuff like this and his own radio show.
Jim McClure said that Greg showed up late for his own show in his own garage one time. He called Jim telling him that he about 15-20 minutes away and it was 15 minutes before the show was about to start.
Gary asked if Greg has his guests over to his garage. Greg said he dos and he's impressed his son and wife with some of his guests.
Jon asked Gary what he thought of Greg's impression of him today. Gary said that he didn't think it was all that great and Craig Gass' impression isn't that great either. Gary said Craig claims it kills on stage but it doesn't work there in the studio. Greg said that he doesn't impersonate people most of the time and he's embarrassed by it all.
Jon asked Greg what went on with the soap thing. Gary missed some of that so he had to ask Greg for some of the details. Greg told Gary why he got upset with his son and why he used the soap to wash his mouth out. Greg said that whole thing is kind of a sensitive issue. He said that this is the worst experience that his son will ever have from his parents. He said that he didn't know it was going to be such a big deal on the show today. He said that he regrets bringing it up on the show but he's not sure if he regrets actually doing it.
Greg felt that what they were doing to try and stop his son from saying this stuff wasn't working. He said that's why he came up with something else. Greg asked Gary and the guys if they ever spanked their kids. Gary said that he never did. He said he's never been spanked himself either.
Greg said that he didn't want his son humiliated after doing that to him. He said that he didn't do it because he was bad, he just thought he was straying into an area that he shouldn't go and he wanted him to realize that he had to stop.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he hates Greg more than Ralph. He said he hates him, he hates him, he hates him. Greg just asked him how his day was going. They argued a little bit before Jon hung up on the guy.
Another caller said that he'd like to know how you're supposed to know if someone is going to be comfortable singing an autograph. Greg said that there is a time and a place for that and they're not at a work place when they're out to dinner or something like that. He said you have to use your discretion.
Greg said that he doesn't get asked a lot for an autograph an he thinks that they should just go up and say hello to them instead. He said that the fan is getting something but the star gets nothing.
Jon said that the celebrity gets something from it too. He said that they get to know that they have a fan out there. Greg said that there are two types of famous people. One group stepped on people and got to the top. Then there are others who got famous and worked their own way up to be famous and they didn't get into it just to be stars.
Gary talked about a scene in the movie Soap Dish where a character signs one autograph and a whole group ends up around her asking for autographs. He said he can imagine that happening in real life as well. Jon said it has absolutely happened.
Benjy said he was out doing street interviews one time and she came up to him asking him to interview her husband who was a famous football player. She wanted him to get the attention.
Jon took one more call from a guy who said that Greg is from a generation where the soap thing was okay. Greg said that he had his mouth washed out with soap to and he's glad he finally got one guy on his side. They had to end the show a short time later.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 10:55am.