|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show saying that Artie is out again. He said he has a note from Artie that he sent to Gary but he's not sure he wants it read on the air. Howard said Artie has a lot of drama going on and they're right in there with him. Howard asked Gary if he can read it on the air or not. Gary wasn't sure. He said he has no idea.
Howard said this is actually a text where Artie explains what's going on. Howard said it turns out that Artie isn't exactly laying in bed with a cold or a fever. Howard said Jon Hein was the only one who thought he was.
Howard said it isn't drugs according to the note. Howard told Robin she should read it and tell him if it's for public or private. Howard had Gary give it to her to read.
Howard said he never knows with Artie. He's not sure if he can talk about that stuff on air or not. Robin read it and said ''Oh wow!'' Robin said that everything is about this subject. Howard said it involves a balloon and a 6 year old boy. Robin said they found that balloon so he should be able to come back. Howard said Artie is concerned about the balloon boy.
Howard said he loves Artie but he has a lot of issues. Robin didn't want to talk about it. She said she thought something was being given to prevent his problem. Howard said he's not sure what's going on and he doesn't want to know. He said it might involve a long phone call. He said he doesn't have time for that. Robin said that everyone has a life they want to manage.
Robin asked Howard dif he wanted to just stay home. Howard said he does all the time. Last night he didn't want to go to work on Monday morning and told Beth that he was depressed about it. Robin said that's one thing but there are times when you just don't want to get out of bed. She said she has been in that situation. She said that she does make that attempt herself and she shows up all the time. Howard said that's what he does too.
Howard said that whole balloon boy thing is weird. They're talking about taking the kids away from the parents now. It turns out it was a hoax and all kinds of details are coming out about the father being a storm chaser and that he takes the kids out of school like 50 times a year.
Howard said the dad had a partner in the tornado chasing business and the partner didn't like that the guy was bringing his kids out with him. Robin said she was wondering where the kid could be in that balloon when she saw it floating around.
Howard wondered how Robin got so smart with her parents not being so bright themselves. Robin said her father was actually very bright, he just wasn't educated. Howard asked about her mom too. Robin said that her mom can get along but she dropped out of school when she was in 6th grade.
Howard said Beth started calling around to figure out where to put the bird. She called there trying to get him to check his messages and the message somehow got lost when it got to Gary. Howard said he claims that he gave a message to Will but it got lost. Howard said he's not sure what happened.
Howard said he got furious with Gary after the show. He said that Gary told him he handed the message off and he was done with it after that. Howard said that's something he can't just hand off and forget about. Howard said Gary just forgets about stuff and that's not cool. That led to Fred playing some Baba Booey song parodies.
Howard said Beth eventually found this place that takes animals in. He said he thought he had printed out the information but he wasn't able to find it. Jason told him it was in his notes. Howard eventually found it and said it was The Animal Medical Center. Beth found this doctor who gave it to a fire fighter who rescues wildlife. Howard said he got about 10 pictures today of the bird in it's cage. They're going to fix it's wing and rehabilitate it. They say it's doing okay.
Howard said the owl was really cute and he wanted to keep it. Robin asked why birds are always getting in Beth's way out there. Howard said that it's really weird. They say that they live in Central Park and they're not sure where this one came from. It was heading right into traffic though. Howard said that Beth got into a cab with the owl and it was just staring at Beth while she was in the cab with the thing in the box. Howard said it was looking through the air hole with these big eyes.
Howard asked Beth if she named the bird. She said that you're not allowed to do that when you have wild life like that. They end up going back into the wild when they're rehabilitated.
Howard said he's not sure what's up with Gary. He said he really should have gotten him that message. Howard said Gary should figure out a way to get him an important message like that. Howard said Gary has sticky notes all over the place and he's not sure why he doesn't know to follow up on something like that.
Howard said that if Beth calls from now on then Will and Jason should just tell him. Robin said the message goes to Gary first though. Howard said that their system breaks down again then.
Howard said they should write it down on paper and hand him the piece of paper. Robin said they could do that just like they did with the Artie text message. Howard said that Gary has to do something because he's never going to last in another job. Howard said he would be fired in a day. Robin said that's not true. He does have skills.
Howard said Gary won't last a day when he gets another job. Sal was out in the hall doing his impression of Gary so Howard described how he was eating his sticky notes that he was sticking on his own head. Howard had to stop watching that because it was so distracting.
Howard said people tell Gary stuff and it just falls into the abyss. Howard said Gary has no idea what it would be like to work in a real job. Robin asked him if he thinks that Gary can ever think like he does. Howard said he can but he gets overloaded quickly.
Howard said he knows what Letterman did is wrong but so many people meet other people at work that it's not that surprising. Howard said Dave is being super nice to Paul and the rest of the staff on the show. He said that it seems like he's really grateful for them being there and he's like a kinder, gentler Letterman. Robin said that he's become human all of a sudden. Howard said it's like a modern day ''A Christmas Carol.'' Howard said that Dave talks about how great Paul and the band are and he's doing it every night.
Howard said he'd love to know what's going on behind the scenes over there now. Howard said Dave must be acting that way with everyone behind the scenes too. Howard wondered if he was picking up on something new. He said Dave was interviewing Tina Fey and telling her how he knows how hard it is to work on a show like that. Howard said Dave is like Scrooge now. He's come around and changed. He said you have to see it.
Howard said that all of these other people can go on that show and do a regular interview with Dave but he can't go on. He said if he went on and didn't ask Dave about his situation then his fans would tell him he sucks.
Howard asked Robin why she didn't go. Robin said her brother just passed a test as an airplane mechanic so she went to see him. Howard asked what kind of money a guy like that can make. Robin told Howard what her brother does and how he must be doing okay. Benjy passed Howard a note about what they can make and they say the average is around $42,000. A minute later he found a site that said it was $74,000. That was the median though and not the average. Howard said he didn't want to get into figuring out what the difference between median and average were.
Howard said he's not sure how his kids ended up so smart because he's not smart himself. He said that he's not that bright but Robin kept telling him he was.
Howard said that he was in a class in 9th grad where he had to read the book ''Itsy Bitsy.'' He said it was a second grade level book. Howard said he was like a superstar in the class because he knew how to read and the other kids didn't. Howard did an impression of what it was like to hear the other kids in the class trying to read that book. Howard said he could read it no problem while the other kid were having trouble.
Howard said his mother's friend ended up being a substitute in his class and she called his mother and told her what was going on. Howard said she found out and got him right out of that class.
Howard said he got put into a class that was really hard after that. Robin wondered why Howard's mom didn't know what was going on in school. Howard said his mother put him in an all black school to get his ass beat every day. He said she had no idea what was going on. Robin said she was in a white school and she was the only black student there. Robin said her mother wanted her to get a good education and she took that very seriously. Robin said that she lost out on TV for a whole year because her brother was screwing up in school.
Howard said his mother found out about the Itsy Bitsy book and asked him what was going on with that. Howard said it was like all of a sudden she got interested. Howard said he was lost in the class he got moved into. That was a fast track English class. Howard said he also had some math classes he didn't understand.
Howard said one kid just punched him in the face one day in this fast track class. Howard said he picked up a book and smashed the other kid's head into the desk. Then he had to go fight that kid and his friends. Howard said it was a nightmare.
Howard said he was in a class where some black kids told him they wanted his pants so he had to take them off in the middle of class. Robin said it's no wonder he didn't do well on the SAT tests while that was going on.
Benjy asked Howard why they wanted his pants. Howard said he had a pair of black Chino's on. He said his mother wouldn't let him wear jeans so he had to wear that stuff. He said he had penny loafers on too and no one wanted those. Howard said the kid leaned over to him and said ''Yo man, gimme yo' pants.'' He said the teachers didn't do anything when they saw this going on. This stuff would go on and the teachers would ignore it.
Howard said he told the guy he couldn't do that. Howard said he had to do his black voice talking back to the guy. Howard said the guy kept telling him to take his pants off but he had nothing else to put on. This particular guy gave up eventually. Howard said he was busting his balls about taking his pants off and he eventually stopped. Howard said he wasn't sure if he was going to explain it to the teacher or what.
Howard said they had a health class and about 5 black guys would smoke pot in the class. Howard said they were all in the same class and they would smoke weed together. Howard said he had never even seen weed at that point. Howard said they would sit in the back of class passing a joint and the teacher wouldn't say anything.
Howard said that movie ''Stand By Me'' (Actually ''Stand and Deliver'') isn't believable. Howard said none of the teachers did anything in his school. Howard said he got choked from behind one time when this kid thought he had gone to the dean of boys about him. Howard said he did go to the dean but this kid was trying to teach him a lesson. Howard said that this guy was a scary mother fucker too. His name was Irvin. Howard said he wonders where he is now.
Robin said that she knew some scary guys in school too. She said one guy was named Debricker which was a scary name. Howard said he would shit his pants before school every day. He said he got out of bed and went in every day. He never text messaged anyone and just went in and did it.
Robin said her home life was bad and school was her salvation. Howard said that makes sense to him. He said he's not even sure how they ended up on this subject. Robin said that she had asked about not wanting to go into work and that's how they ended up there.
Fred had the Letterman version so he played that too. Howard said it was the same song but it was a little more mellow. Howard said he was wondering what was going through Dave's head as he was watching that show. He said he feels kind of bad for the guy. Robin said Dave made his own bed as they say. She said that Dave did some bad things. Howard said he did. He added that pussy fucks you up and it'll get you every time. Howard said you need that pussy though.
Howard said he wasn't able to sleep last night. He said he was laying in bed at around 9 and he wasn't able to sleep. He rolled over on to Beth and did her. Once he was done with that he was able to sleep. Howard said Beth even knew that he needed her to get to sleep. That led to them playing some porn clips of what that might have sounded like. Howard said it didn't last that long though.
Howard said he was going to write Jimmy a note about how everyone is coming down on him. Robin said that it is odd for some people when you're dating someone you work with. Howard said he wouldn't want someone to write him a note like that if it was going on with him. Howard said that people are bad mouthing his girlfriend and they don't like her because she bosses them around. Robin said that's what she's talking about. It gets to other people when you sleep with the big boss.
Howard said he was going to send Jimmy a note and tell him that he should swap chicks with Letterman so they don't have any issues. They could date each other's staffers. Howard said he realized that he should just mind his own business. Howard said he didn't say anything to him. Howard said he knows he's not a normal person and he can't talk to people sometimes.
The caller asked Howard if he thinks he's a better actor than some guys. Howard said he is before he even heard the names the guy was going to mention. Howard said he is a very good actor and he thinks of the other guys as peers.
Howard said that people like De Niro, DeCaprio, Cage and lots of other guys are peers of his. He said he's right up there with those guys but some of them might be a little better. The caller asked about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard said he's much better than them. The guy asked about Tom Arnold too. Robin said that this guy is demeaning Howard.
The caller asked if he could beat out Jim Carrey in a drama role. Howard said Jim is a peer of his and he could probably beat him out.
The caller talked about the cartoon he was going to make about his high school years and how great it would have been. Howard said he wanted to do that but the cartoons were going to cost like a million bucks per episode. Howard said that the computer animation doesn't work so he wanted to do it the old school way. Howard said he had 13 episodes in the can too.
The caller told Fred to look up this song ''New Years Day'' to play. He also asked Howard about the story about the people in Rio De Janeiro who shot down a police helicopter and burned a bunch of busses. Howard said that's where they're supposed to have the Olympics in 2016. Robin said that place is supposed to be pretty scary.
Gary said that they didn't promote the movie that much and they just promote it by showing what the audience is reacting to. He said that it's very ''Blair Witch Project'' like. He said that you don't know any of the people in the movie and that's not a bad thing.
Robin said the movie is very fun and scary. Robin said that the movie ''Law Abiding Citizen'' is another good one that you don't know what's going to happen next.
Another caller asked what's going on with Artie because they're teasing them with the text and all of that. Robin said the text didn't really tell them anything though. She said it was very short so it didn't say much.
The caller asked Howard if he saw what Stuttering John had written about ripping off the show. Howard said he read what he had written but he's not sure if it was John or not. Gary said that it is his stuff because the guys there know it's him.
Howard said he's done with John then. He said that John is saying that Jay has never ripped Howard off. Howard said John is obviously insecure but he's still sucking Jay's balls on this. Howard said if it wasn't for him he wouldn't even be on that show. Howard said John should just shut the fuck up and stay out of it. Howard said it's just not true that Jay doesn't rip him off. Howard said John claims he doesn't remember doing the chicken bit that they just ripped off recently.
Howard said he had John over to his house recently but now he's dead to him. Howard said that Jay doesn't want John as a writer there. He said that he's just keeping him around because he feels bad for him. He said he has a lot of other guys that can come in and write for him.
Howard said John has no right to chime in on that stuff. Howard said that John is a writer there and he was nice enough not to say anything about the shit he's write. Howard said he could bury John but he's not going to do that because of his wife. Howard said that he was kind enough not to talk about what a piece of shit his movie was. Howard said John is an asshole.
Howard told John he should just be quiet because this show did a lot for him. He said he got a lot of things out of the show and he wouldn't be where he is without the show. Howard said John shouldn't be stirring up a hornets nest with him like that.
Howard said that John is out of his life now and he's now Jay's problem. Howard thanked the caller for the call and let him go after that.
Robin asked Howard if he had watched any of the baseball or football games over the weekend. Howard said he heard that the Jets blew it again. He and Robin talked about A-Rod and Kate Hudson dating and what's going on with that. Howard said A-Rod seems to be doing really well this month so dating her might be a good thing. Howard said he doesn't think it will last long though. Howard said that Kate has been going through a lot of guys lately.
Howard read the breakdown that Dan had done and it was over 30 precent that was yeah or fuck. Howard played the clip of Ronnie that was edited down to just be his yeahs and yos. Then if you add in the fucks it adds up to over 38 percent of the speech. Howard played that edited version of the speech.
Howard said Dan wrote that Ronnie was getting a lap dance and made the funniest sound ever. Howard played that clip as well.
Howard said that this stripper had crashed down on Ronnie's face in that clip and they don't realize that they should be more sensuous. Howard said he just wants a knee in his penis.
Howard played a couple of song parodies that Dan had come up with using Ronnie's ''Yeah'' clips. Howard said there was hardly any content in Ronnie's speech.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if he would have rather have been home schooled. Howard said that sitting home with his mother would have been even worse. Howard said he doesn't understand home schooling either. He said it sounds horrible. Howard said that parents teaching their kids just isn't right because they don't know anything about teaching.
Howard said his father teaching would have been horrible. He imagined what that would be like and did an impression of his father yelling at him about learning his times tables. Howard said he actually did that when he was in school and freaked out when he didn't know what 9x9 was. Howard said his father freaked out and asked him what was wrong with him. Howard did the impression of his father yelling at him for a minute before he went to break.
Howard came back and reminded everyone that Artie was out sick again. He and Robin were talking about it during the break and wondering what was really going on with Artie. Howard said that he's thinking that Artie isn't going to the psychiatrist. Howard said he might be better off without the shrink if this is what it's led to. Howard said that the shrink isn't going to be happy if Artie can't pay him.
Howard said that he's not sure what to do about Artie now. Robin said that they do work for SIRIUS and they do have a human resources there. Howard said they're pretty much on their own there though so no one is even sure what's going on. Howard said the checks just go out. Howard said he loves Artie but he's not sure what to do. Howard said he can't get it together to come to work.
Howard said he doesn't know what to do. He said he thought he was crazy but he may be normal. Artie makes him look too good. Howard said it's not good for the show. It's bad for the show.
Howard said that the therapy may have put him in touch with his emotions and this might be a bad thing. Robin said that you're supposed to be able to function though. Robin said he's either not going or the therapy is failing.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on. He said he's not sure what's going on and he doesn't know what to do.
Fred asked Howard if he thinks Artie had a nervous breakdown. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he really doesn't know what's going on. Howard handed Fred the text so he could read it. Fred said he's standing by what he said after reading that text. He said it confirmed what he thought. He said that short text speaks volumes.
Howard asked Fred if he thinks that they'll ever see Artie again. Fred said it's just a matter of time. He said it might be 6 months but he will come back. Fred put the word out to Artie that he should watch the movie ''Fear Strikes Out'' because that's about a baseball player that has a nervous breakdown.
The guys talked about what a nervous breakdown means and how some people can't function when they get depressed. Robin said she had a nervous breakdown but she was still able to work. She said that she had a complete nervous breakdown and she still made it to work.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's about time he got rid of Stuttering John from his life. Howard said that people always told him John was a scumbag and he never believed it. Now he's thinking he is in that camp. The caller said that Howard is right that they're ripping him off over there. Howard said that they did the chicken thing and John knows that they did that on the show. Howard said it's not even John's argument to be involved with. The caller asked if they're going to do a game today. Howard said he's not and hung up on the guy.
Howard asked Cyndi why she was wearing a French maid's outfit. She said that was just an outfit she had on and it wasn't a French maid.
Howard asked Cyndi about performing on some show with Leona Lewis and Leona was doing okay but then Cyndi came out and blew her away. Cyndi said she really wasn't. She said she's a young girl. Sharon said she's an amateur and that's the only problem there. Sharon said that she's very talented.
Cyndi said that she showed the girl how to perform the song. Howard said that she wasn't that good and Cyndi was better. Cyndi said that Howard is better than radio guys too and he's a professional.
Howard said Cyndi knows what he's talking about. Cyndi said that her voice was really good and she could do anything with it. She felt she was holding back a little bit.
Howard asked Sharon why she was crying when her daughter Kelly was on Dancing with the Stars. Sharon said she became a beautiful, elegant young woman on that show. Cyndi started to cry when she heard that. She said it was very sweet that she cried for her. Howard said Kelly is the only good one on that show worth watching. Howard said he wanted to see her on the show and the rest of the people he's never even heard of.
Howard asked Sharon if it was bad for Ozzy to be seen crying like he did on that show. Sharon said that he was just being real and that won't hurt him at all. That's why he's been around so long.
Howard asked Sharon if it was true that Ozzy was smoking weed every day that they shot their reality show. Sharon said that it wasn't just weed. It was the 47 pills he was taking every day. Howard said he liked the show and the way Ozzy was acting on the show every day. Sharon said that Ozzy is the best. She said that he's fantastic and he amazes her every day. He's been clean and sober for 5 years now. Cyndi said that's wonderful.
Howard asked Sharon about Ozzy doing other chicks while he was married. Sharon said that those blow jobs didn't mean anything to him and he doesn't even remember those women's names so it really meant nothing. Sharon said that Ozzy was caught with a girl one time and he had forgotten that she was even with him in Japan that time.
Howard asked Cyndi if she could stay with her husband if she caught him with another woman. Cyndi said that he could get women because he's a good looking guy but he wouldn't do that. She said she wouldn't even look at it like that and she loves him and her son. She said that if he walked in with another girl she'd think that he brought her in to meet her. She wouldn't think about it like he was cheating.
Howard asked the girls why they were there today. Sharon and Cyndi said they were doing this charity thing where they'll be cooking for people. Howard said he found it strange that they even know each other. Sharon said that Cyndi and Ozzy are on the same record label and they have been forever.
Howard asked Cyndi about Captain Lou Albano who just died recently. Cyndi said that he was a great guy and he was funny and always made other people feel important. She said that he was sick for a while and he passed away with his family around him. Howard asked when she last spoke to him. Cyndi said that she spoke to him after he had a stroke. She said it was tough for him to be in that situation. Cyndi said he was a rich man as far as family goes. Howard said he was going to say that the wrestling thing doesn't bring in a lot of money. Cyndi shushed him about that.
Cyndi said that Lou was her friend and she was there for him in the end. Howard asked her if she was ahead of her time being involved in the whole wrestling thing. She said that she never thought of it like that.
Cyndi got in a plug for the place where they're going to be cooking today. The diner is at 62nd and Lexington. Cyndi said that she and Sharon will be cooking with some other people like Holly Robinson Peet, Carol Leifer and a bunch of others. Robin asked if they're really going to cook. Cyndi said that she doesn't know how to cook but she'll be helping out.
Howard asked Cyndi if she was ever a lover with Lou Albano. She said that he was like a father figure to her. She said that she knew his wife and she never did anything like that.
Sharon was laughing and saying that she was being so nice. Howard said that she must put that on for the air. She must be a terror off the air.
Howard asked Sharon about working with David Hasselhoff. Sharon didn't have anything bad to say about him. Cyndi said she keeps running into David all over the world. She told Howard about the places she's met him and how they say hi.
Howard asked Sharon about David's drinking problems. Sharon said she has never seen him drunk and never saw him lose his balance. Howard asked her if she has ever said anything to him about coming to her with his problems. She has told him that he can call Ozzy if he needs any advice. Sharon said that she can't answer if he's ever called Ozzy. It sounded like he had but Sharon said she can't talk about that.
Cyndi said that she'll be out playing her accordion out on the street today. Carol Leifer will be out there hooking people in as well. Sharon is going to be the maitre d' there at the restaurant.
Cyndi said that they will be at Hamburger Heaven on 62nd and Lexington today raising money for this charity that they can't name. The burgers are going to cost $25 each.
Howard asked Sharon about how she's doing with her weight. She said she's about 25 pounds overweight. Howard told her to stand up and take off her coat so she could check her out.
Howard gave the ladies some more plugs for their appearance today. They'll be there from 11am to 2pm. They'll be signing autographs too. Howard asked Sharon if she thinks she's a bigger star than her husband. Sharon said she's not a star at all.
Cyndi said that she had to go to the ladies room. Howard told her to hold on. She said she had to go a couple of times. Howard had her stick around though because he had more questions for them. He asked them about the situation David Letterman is in and Sharon said that he's not a very sexual man. Cyndi had to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of that discussion.
Howard told Cyndi where to go and had the guys show her where to go. Howard asked Sharon if she's making good money on America's Got Talent. Sharon said it's not that much but she enjoys the attention and doing the show. She said they work on that show for 5 months a year. She said that she makes more than Piers Morgan is making.
Sharon told Howard that she makes it that way. She said she makes more than David Hasselhoff too. Howard said that when Cyndi comes back in they should get naked and get on top of each other and see what Cyndi does. Sharon said she'd do that and said they could have their own sex tape.
Howard talked to Sharon about her daughter being on Dancing with the Stars and how she's lost a lot of weight doing that. Howard said it seems she might be falling in love with her dancing partner. Sharon said she's engaged so that's not happening. Howard asked Sharon how she likes her future son-in-law. Sharon said he's okay. Sharon told Howard that he's a model and he does very well so he won't be living off of her. Sharon said he's a great boy but they're both too young to marry. She said she thinks that no one should marry before they're 30. Sharon said she told Kelly that and Kelly told her to stay the fuck out of her life.
Howard gave Sharon and Cyndi some more plugs for their appearance and told Sharon to offer the new son-in-law some money to go away. Sharon said he makes Kelly happy so she wouldn't do that.
Sharon told Howard he's going to love Ozzy's new music. Howard told her to send him a copy so he can hear it. She said she would do that.
Robin asked Sharon about some of the other shows she's been involved with. Sharon said that she's done with the X Factor. She said that she's also done with the Charm School show. Sharon said that this woman is suing her for $750,000 over that show. She said she's not sure why this young lady is claiming it caused her harm.
Howard asked Sharon if she's got something in her lips to make them fuller. Sharon said she isn't. She said she never touches her eyes or her lips. She said she does botox though. She said she uses it anywhere that she has wrinkles.
Howard asked Sharon what she said to this woman on Charm School that set her off. Sharon said that she had said some stuff about Ozzy that she didn't have to say. Sharon said that the woman said that all she's ever done for Ozzy is turn him into a vegetable. She doesn't even know Ozzy.
Gary said that Cyndi was locked in the bathroom since she left. Howard said she probably had to take a dump. Howard told him to take a mic down there and ask her if she was okay. Howard said he hopes he didn't offend her.
Gary took a mic down to the bathroom and she was on her way out. Cyndi came back into the studio after that. Howard asked if she made a doody. Cyndi said that maybe she did. Howard said she was done for like 15 minutes. Howard said she must have made doody. Howard said he was going to let them go after that. Cyndi couldn't believe she was getting kicked out after that. Howard said he wasn't kicking them out. He said that she was just busy and they ran out of time. He wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked what song that was. Fred said it was a Britney Spears song that's at number one on the charts. Howard said that's amazing she's had so many songs up there. Howard had the top 5 song list so he check that out and saw that she was at number 1. Howard read through the rest of the songs in the top 5 which included Jay-Z. He played that song and said that he was listening to the guys in the background just saying ''Yeah'' like Ronnie. Fred threw in some Ronnie ''Yeah!'' clips in that one.
Howard said that Britney Spears was out in Las Vegas when he was out there and heard that she just lip syncs the whole time. He had some audio of what was supposed to be her actual singing during that lip syncing show. She sounded awful in that.
Howard went through the rest of the top 5 which had Miley Cyrus, Jay Shawn and Britney Spears and some other dude. Howard played a little bit of each song as he went through them. Howard said that people must like Britney. He said strippers must love that song too.
Howard said they have a chick coming in who claims she's a real vampire. Howard said the vampire thing is out of control lately and they're all over movies and TV. He said he doesn't like that some of them have a conscience now.
Howard said if there are any girls out there looking to date Pete they have an email address to give out. Howard said he thinks that it's email@example.com.
Howard asked Benjy if he went out on a date with that Miss Howard TV girl, Paulina, last week. Benjy said he did call her and maybe she had her first orgasm. he said he didn't give it to her but maybe someone else did. Benjy said he won't be going out with her until Friday night. Benjy said that they spoke on Thursday night and she was trying to change her flight so she could stick around but he thought she was going to be around until Sunday. He said that maybe she wasn't telling him the truth.
Benjy said that she told him that she wanted to stick around but her flight change would cost her like $1000. She said that they should do something about it and Benjy agreed... but then there was a few seconds of silence and nothing was done about it.
Howard said that this girl was telling them that she's never had an orgasm before and nothing happened on the show but Benjy did get her number. Ronnie claims that he could get her off too. Howard played some audio from last Thursday's Wrap Up Show where Ronnie said he could break her down and give her an orgasm. Howard said Ronnie is some kind of stud all of a sudden.
Howard said Benjy thinks that he's some kind of cocksman and he can get this girl off even though she sounds like she's a brick down there. Howard said Benjy likes to do oral and he thinks that he can get all women off. Howard said that 99 percent of it is the girl digging the guy she's with. Robin said that's not the case all the time. She said that she read a survey where they found out that the most important part of sex for women is the penis going inside. Howard guessed that right before she even said that. Howard said that a lot of it is psychological for women. He said that she has to think that the guy is great for her and that will make her cum. Howard said if they think you're gross then they can't do it.
Howard said that you'd think that Kate Hudson would be turned off by A-Rod spitting all the time but she digs him so she probably gets off on it. Robin wondered why baseball guys are always spitting. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said it used to be the chewing tobacco but he's not sure why they do it now.
Howard played more of Ronnie and Benjy talking about what they could do for that Paulina girl. Ronnie was saying that she might end up being a squirter by the time he's done with her. Howard said Ronnie has become an expert since hanging out at Rick's Cabaret so much.
Howard played a couple of examples of this guy's songs. He covered an Eminem song that Howard liked. He said he loves that Klingon. Howard said he's a good singer... or rapper. Howard said he can rap in Klingon. Howard said it's probably Swedish or something and not actually Klingon.
Howard played the guy's cover of ''We Will Rock You.'' Howard said it wasn't that bad. Robin said she was digging it too. Howard said he may have to buy it even though it's free on the internet.
Comic-Con was in New York this weekend so they sent Steve Grillo out to do some interviews. Gary said that he didn't really get anyone good there. Howard said he might have to send out Medicated Pete to do the interviews.
Howard played an interview that Grillo did with Adam Arkin at a movie premiere. Adam didn't answer any questions, he just walked away when he was asked a Chris Brown question.
Howard played another one where Grillo screwed up the name Kanye West saying ''Kayan West.'' He was talking to Amy Landecker. She asked him if he was really from XM radio. Grillo said he was and he was just trying to make a living.
Grillo tried to get an interview with Jeff Goldblum but his publicist blew him off and never came back. Howard wondered how they can spot that he's a nudnik. Gary said ''Howard, c'mon.'' Howard said that his publicist seemed to be on top of the whole thing.
Howard said Grillo got an interview with Sam Levine. Grillo mentioned the ''Kayan West'' thing. He corrected Grillo on that but that was about all he had to say.
Susan Lucci was also interviewed by Grillo. Grillo asked her to describe Howard Stern in one word. She said that he wasn't her favorite and walked away.
Howard had one where Grillo asked Richard Kind if he had ever shit his pants. Kind said he had but that was the only one he was going to ask.
Grillo got an interview with Tom Kavanaugh. Howard played that one and in it Grillo gets in a lot of self promotion for this pizzeria where he works. Howard said Steve thinks that he's a partner there but he has to go out and deliver pizzas. Howard said that's some partnership.
Grillo asked Tom Kavanaugh to come by the pizzeria but he was doing that to get the interview. Howard said that wasn't so bad. Gary said he wasn't done yet though. He said that he keeps promoting the pizzeria thing and kept telling Tom to come by the place to see the bowling ball they got from his old show ''Ed.''
Gary showed Howard the tattoos that Grillo has on his back now. Howard said it looks like a monster on his back. He said they're the shittiest tattoos. Gary said he's not in very good shape either and you need to be to have tattoos like that. Howard said Grillo used to be in shape but he's not anymore.
Robin said that Grillo's wife is in good shape. She said that she eats like she does. Howard said that the tattoos were awful. He pointed out what he thought he saw on there but they all looked like monsters to him. Robin asked why he would put them on his back if he can't even see them. Howard said it must drive the chicks crazy at the beach.
Howard asked ''what the fuck is that?'' and asked what he was thinking with that tattoo. Howard said if you saw it on a t-shirt you'd think it was a dumb t-shirt. Howard said the claw takes up most of his back and it looked ridiculous.
Howard said it looked like the monster had horns coming out of its gums. Howard said the art wasn't even good. Robin said it was kind of odd. Howard said that it makes you look like an imbecile when you do something like that. Howard said that it was like 50 percent of his body covered by a gargoyle. Howard said it's like there's a whole story going on back there.
Howard said he wants a giant blow up of his picture so they can analyze it. Howard said his tattoo artist should have just said no like Michael Jackson's doctor should have said no. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that there was some woman trying to file a class action suit over a cab company not dropping them off at a certain area of the city even though the cab company says they drop them off all the time. Howard said that you have to look into it before you go and file the suit.
Howard said they have this woman Seregon coming in there and she claims to be a vampire. Howard asked Seregon what a vampire is to her. She said that it's taking energy off of everywhere and it's not all about eating blood. She said that she isn't sanguine which is a blood sucker. She said that she eats food and eats a lot actually.
Howard asked Seregon how she knows she's a vampire and not just weird. Seregon said that a lot of people call her weird. Her mom calls her weird. She said that being a vampire is being in tune with yourself and with other people.
Howard said that he knows a lot of women who suck out your energy. Seregon said that is a form of being a vampire and there are a lot of people like that and they may not even know it.
Howard asked Seregon about her teeth and if she had implants. She said that they're actually her teeth and she didn't have them filed down. Howard said they were kind of spiky too.
Seregon said that she will drink the blood of the person she is in a relationship with and that's it. She said that you can't drink too much because it's a natural laxative. Howard asked how much she's had at one time. Fred played a farting sound while she was talking about that. Seregon got a laugh out of that.
Seregon said she once cut her hand and sucked the blood from that. Howard said that's not really drinking blood though. She asked what it is then. Howard said it's blood but he didn't think it was drinking it.
Howard asked Seregon if her parents were around when she was growing up because maybe she didn't get enough love. Howard said it's a very needy thing to do. Howard said that some people just need more than the usual person and it's very needy. Seregon said that it's not all the time though. Howard asked what she does for a living. Seregon said she's an actress. She told Howard about some of the movies she's done so far and said that she's making a loving doing it.
Seregon said that she has the lead roles in these movies that she rattled off. Howard had never heard of any of them. Howard said that she was also a nude model. She said she was in Playboy. She said that she showed off her boobs but she wasn't a centerfold.
Howard asked if he could see her boobs. She said that she won't show her boobs in there. She said that Comcast won't let her do it because she's doing a documentary for them for On Demand.
Howard read that she got naked for Maxim Radio and she won't do it in there. She said that she did do something but it never made it to air. She said that they forgot to record it.
Howard asked Seregon if she knows of any other vampires. He said that she does. Howard asked who they are but she didn't have any. She said that she thinks that Angelina Jolie could be one because she's been known to drink blood.
Robin said that it seems odd to her that you can just be a vampire and be born into it. Seregon said she compares it to being gay and that's just the way some people are born.
Seregon said that she has the same thing that Michael Jackson had called Vitiligo. Howard said that she does look white. She said that she doesn't have any pigment other than a couple of dark spots. She said that might be a coincidence but maybe it has something to do with her being a vampire.
Howard asked if there is like a head of the vampires. Seregon said that there isn't really one. It's not like TV or movies where they have one head of the group. Seregon said they do get together for parties and stuff.
Howard said that it didn't sound all that exciting and sounded pretty boring to him. Seregon said that they do have people who plan parties and stuff but that's about it. She said they do call them Presidents or Chiefs. She was a Scribe at one point but she just took notes and stuff.
Robin asked what they discuss at the meetings. She said it was all social stuff and party planning. Howard asked if they just collect dues and stuff. She said that's exactly what it's about. They talk about the economy sucking and how they can raise money and stuff like that. Howard asked if they ever eat a baby at the end of the meeting. She laughed and said they never do that.
Howard gave Seregon a plug for her documentary that's available On Demand. You can check out her web site at SeregonODassey.com.
Steve Brandano came in and asked her what she's doing out now because the sun is out. Seregon said that's what TV and movies make it out to be but that's not what it's like. Steve didn't think that she was a real vampire and it was very lame that she was saying that she craves blood. Seregon said that she can't throw anyone across a room or anything either. She said that she gets this kind of thing from people all the time.
Seregon said that she just thinks about her career and doesn't care that people think this. She said she kept this a secret for a long time. Steve told her to call herself a blood lover instead of a vampire because she's not a vampire. Steve asked if he can call himself a wolfman because he has a beard. She said he can do whatever he wants.
Howard asked why they have rules about not wearing jeans and t-shirts at their meeting. Seregon said that they do that so people show some respect for themselves. She also talked about how they have rules for coming to meetings and how you have to come to court to get back into the club if you miss a certain number of meetings.
Howard asked what they do when there's a full moon out. She said she might light a candle or something. Seregon is dating a guy who is a fellow vampire but he doesn't want her to talk about him. Howard said he understands that.
Howard said Steve doesn't think it's real at all. Steve asked if he had come in there and said he likes to drink blood, would they have had a connection. Seregon said no. She said that she has dated humans and they don't all have a connection like that.
Howard asked if he can become a vampire. Seregon said that it's something that's always in you and you can't just become one. She said that you have to be born one and feel it inside of you or not. Howard said he might be a vampire but he has no desire to drink blood. He said he has always felt ''different.''
Howard asked who the vampires voted for. She said that they don't just vote for one person. Howard said maybe Steve just wants to get into her pants.
Howard said he learned nothing today. He asked what they do that's so different from other people. She said that they don't do that much different. That's what they're trying to show. She said that they did this documentary to show what it was all about.
Howard asked Seregon what her real first name was. She didn't want to say. She said that Seregon is what she feels is her real name and that's her legal name. Howard asked if she thinks there will ever be a vampire President. She wasn't sure and she didn't know if there ever was one. She said that no one thought that a black man would ever become President so you never know. Benjy laughed at that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if she likes to have her ass spanked. He was doing some weird accent as he asked the question. Seregon said that she does like that.
Ass Napkin Ed asked if she likes pussy blood. Seregon said she's not into that. She said there are more things in that blood than regular blood. She said that she has never wanted to try that. She said maybe there are guys who like that but she doesn't.
Robin asked if there are more boys than girl vampires. She said that there are more guys than girls doing the whole vampire look.
Howard said he was proud to meet Seregon. He read some of the stuff she has done and gave her some more plugs for this On Demand thing she did for Comcast. The show is under the ''paranormal activity'' folder in the On Demand screen. It's called ''Vampires Revealed.''
Howard wrapped up with Seregon and said they learned absolutely nothing today. Howard asked how long her show is. She said it's broken up into short episodes of about 10 minutes each and there are a bunch of those. Howard said it sounds like she's a lot of fun. He asked Robin if she had any other questions. Robin said she liked the vampires that they thought there were. Seregon said that's why there's Hollywood. She said that they glamorize them in Hollywood.
Howard read that Seregon's aunt is a witch too. She said that is true but she hasn't spoken to her lately. Howard told her that Robin was in a coven for a while too. Robin didn't do any of the nutty stuff like going into the woods with her witch friends though.
Benjy asked if all vampires are bad. Seregon said that they're not. That's a stereotype. She said that's like thinking that all black men are bad for just one guy who robs a grocery store. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and brought up the balloon kid and his dad, Richard Heene. Howard said that the father wanted to be on a reality show really bad. Howard said the guy is so creepy. Howard said the little kid vomited on a couple of TV shows he was on. Howard said the kid must be so nervous that he's puking all over. Howard said the kid basically admitted that they did it for a show.
Howard said the father is a real creep. Howard played a clip of a guy doing an interview with the family where he's asking the kid, Falcon, if he could hear anything when they were looking for him. Falcon says that he heard them yelling for him and he didn't come out because ''we did this for a show.'' The interviewer, Wolf Blitzer, asked what he said and why he didn't come out at that point. The father took over and answered for the kid. Howard said the father is a bore on camera though. He said he wasn't all that exciting.
Howard said that everyone believing this father is like everyone who believes Artie when he claims he's out sick. Howard played more of the father trying to cover up for the kid's comment. Then he played a clip of the kid vomiting on the Today Show.
Robin said that they're talking about charging the father over this hoax. They had to shut down the Denver airport while they were chasing the balloon.
Howard played more of the Today Show clip and didn't think that Meredith Vierra could see the kid puking. It was on camera though.
Robin read some other details about the case and told Howard about that. The father used to drag the kids out on the road when he was chasing tornados.
Howard took a call from Shawn the stutterer who asked if he thinks that they'll see a Vampire President before a Jewish one. Howard said yes to that.
Howard played a practice question which was ''What is Venison?'' The caller didn't even know what the answer was to that one. The homeless woman knew it was deer. Howard played her answer and she knew it.
Howard played the guy's question which was ''Who discovered electricity?'' The caller said he didn't think that she'd know the answer. Then he changed his answer and said she would know it. The homeless woman said it was right on the tip of her tongue but she wasn't able to think.
Howard said he would give the guy one more. That was ''What language is spoken in France?'' The caller said that she would know the answer. The homeless woman said ''it's supposed to be French.'' Howard gave the guy his $711 prize.
The caller said that he saw a story about how there are some NBC stations suing the company over the whole Jay Leno show thing. They're upset about their ratings loss so they're suing the company.
Howard asked if they have any Artie news. Steve said they don't have anything right now. Howard asked if he thinks he'll be back at all. Steve said he's not sure. He said he didn't have any hard facts to go off of. Howard asked who has the better nose for news, Steve or Robin. Robin said Steve might.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks Artie will be back. Robin said she does. Howard asked Steve if he thinks he'll be back. Steve said his guess is yes. Fred said he will be back but maybe as a guest. He's really not sure either.
Howard asked Jon Hein if Artie will be back. Jon said yes and he will be back in his chair doing his thing. Fred asked what that thing is. Howard said that it's just being Artie.
Howard said Artie might be the most fucked up guy they know. He said he's a funny fucking guy though. Fred said that there are more fucked up people than Artie. He was referring to KC. Howard said that at least KC is winning something. He said that he's the most fucked up.
Howard said he really doesn't know what Artie is up to. He said that KC always made it into work. Robin said that's what she's saying. They might be more equal than they think.
Howard said Artie may have to come back as an engineer or something. Howard said Artie seems to be able to rally to get to the comedy shows that he has to do. He has one coming up this weekend. Howard said he may show up on Thursday. Robin said that would be crazy. Fred said that would be the most fucked up thing if he did show up on Thursday.
Steve said that Daniel Carver Jr. was arrested on weapons charges in Georgia last week. They have no comment from his father Daniel Carver. Howard said he wants Daniel Carver booked on the show. He told Gary to set that up.
Steve said that they've found out more about Pete the intern and how he likes to sing karaoke. Howard called Medicated Pete in there and asked about that. Howard asked where he gets the balls to do something like that. Pete came in and said that he actually is a karaoke guy. Howard said he figured he'd be too ashamed to do that. Pete said he's more comfortable on stage than being out in the crowd.
Pete sings Purple Rain but he didn't want to sing it in there. Pete said he had laryngitis over the weekend but he would do it when he gets back to 100 percent. Howard asked if he ever wins the contest. Pete said he gets the crowd going but it's not really a contest. Howard said he never pegged him as a singer at all.
Steve said they have a story about a web site that listed Sal and Richard's fake making out on TV as one of the best moments on news TV.
Howard had Jon Hein give them his Wrap Up Show rundown. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. That led to Howard saying that someone told him that Cyndi Lauper was calling another station while she was in the bathroom during the interview. Howard said he's not sure if that was true or not. It could have been a fan goofing on them.
Howard played a clip of Daniel Carver singing a song called ''I Will Always Hate Jews'' since he was in the news.
Howard asked Gary what's wrong with Steve Grillo and why he didn't interview any of the whackos at Comic-Con. Gary said that they told him to interview them but Steve just didn't do it. Howard said that they might have to send Medicated Pete out to do that stuff. Howard said he can't get enough of Pete. Howard asked him if he would be up for doing interviews. Pete said it would be cool to him. Howard asked if he would talk to the people in costume there. Pete said that he would do that no problem.
Howard asked Pete if he owns his own pizza place that he would have to promote every time. Pete said he doesn't have one so he'll be cool. Howard said that's how they got those clips of Darth Nihilus and the Gamorrean guard.
Howard asked Gary if they have any chicks who want to bang Pete yet. Gary said they do have one but he has to do a background check on her first. Gary said that she called them because she was going to jail and wanted to call from jail. Gary said that the jail girl isn't hot either. Howard said she might be good for Pete then. Howard said he would date a chick in jail, he just wouldn't let her in his house.
Howard played Gary Garver's interview with the Gamorrean guard costume on. He was wearing a mask so he was hard to hear. Howard told Pete that's the kind of interview they're looking for. Howard said Gary knew how to interview.
Robin read about some of the other people who were at Comic-Con over the weekend. After that Howard sang a little Purple Rain since that's the song that Pete likes to sing at karaoke. Howard said he can't wait to hear Pete singing that song.
Robin read about the one winner in the $200 million mega millions lottery. Howard said that's a great win. Howard asked Robin if she would quit if she won that kind of money. Robin said she has a contract so she wouldn't quit. Howard said he probably just wants to see if Artie comes back.
Robin read about Al Sharpton coming out against Rush Limbaugh and how he's going to try to sue him over some statements he's made. Howard pointed out that Sharpton has made some pretty harsh statements himself.
Robin read about a woman who runs sex toy parties who is trying to run for office. Howard said he's not against that at all. He said that sex is normal and the fact that they're so against sex in government is what's wrong.
Robin read about Howard being in the news. She read that Howard is going to be Bernie Madoff's wife to Beth's Bernie Madoff. Howard said he was on the red carpet at the ''Bye, Bye Birdie'' premiere and that's when he joked about that. Howard said he's not going to be anything for Halloween. He was trying to be witty in front of the camera. Robin said it was in the news today.
Robin said the picture she saw of Howard and Beth was very nice. Howard said he dreads those red carpet events. He said he hates those photographs. He said one picture is worse than the next. Howard said he looks like a fuckin' gargoyle or that thing on Grillo's back. Howard said he does look kind of handsome in that one picture today though. He said he's not sure why other angles don't work. Howard played the Klingon rapper stuff again during the news.
Robin read about this guy Jim Nance who is getting divorced and broke down crying on the stand in divorce court. He said that their divorce was over her not supporting his career and he broke down crying talking about that. Gary came in and said that he's one of the biggest sportscaster's around but he's never home so that's probably what led to his getting a divorce. They spent a few minutes on that story talking about what the wife wanted out of the guy.
Robin read some news about the balloon boy hoax. She said that they haven't charged the family with anything yet but they will be soon. Howard thought the balloon was kind of cool. He said he had to give that to the creepy dad at least.
Robin said that they're saying that the father is now demanding to see questions before he answers them. She had some audio of the kid admitting they did it ''for the show.'' She also had some audio of their attorney talking about what he's going to be doing for the family.
Robin read some news about Louis Farrakhan coming back. She had some audio of him talking about how they're at the same crossroads they were at when they had their first Million Man March. Robin said he spoke for about 2 and a half hours. She had Howard play a couple of clips of him speaking. There was a guy behind him saying ''Yes suh!'' behind him. Howard said that's the job he wants. Robin said that's what Artie's job is on the show. Howard said that seat is empty today.
Robin said that there was a marathon in Detroit and 3 people died in it. Howard said you have to run fast in that marathon. He said he could probably do that one in about an hour. Robin said that a 26, 36 and a 65 year old man died. Howard said after you run 26 miles your changes of getting out alive are slim. Howard said the most he's ever run was 12 miles. He said his ears were bleeding after that because his earrings were rubbing. Howard said he felt like he was going to die after that 12 miles.
Robin had a story about a guy who was saying that FOX News isn't really a news channel since they're so slanted to one side.
Robin read that Rudy Giuliani, who helped Michael Bloomberg win his first term, is helping him out for a third term. She had some audio of Giuliani talking about why he thinks that Bloomberg should stay in office. Bloomberg overturned term limits so he could run again. There are people who aren't happy about that but Bloomberg said that if you don't like it then don't vote for him and that will be his term limit.
Robin read about Jon Gosslin has stopped TLC from filming his kids anymore so the network is going to stop shooting and put the show to bed for good. TLC is filing a lawsuit against him for breech of contract. Howard said he wishes that whole family would float away in a spaceship balloon.
Howard said that family is the blame for this Heene family thing. He said that family wants to be on TV like the Gosslin family. Howard said that he'd probably tune in to see that Heene family reality show. He said that guy is nuts bringing his kids out to hunt tornados. He said he could bring them to a sweat lodge next.
Robin read about a woman who was arrested for watching porn on her TV so loud that it could be heard at a nearby elementary school. The TV was positioned so it could be seen from the school as well. Howard played a bunch of porn clips during that story discussion.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Beth working for Letterman and if she ever got into that room. Howard said that Beth was seduced by Letterman on several occasions and they had anal, oral, sodomy and the couch was used for many things. He said that tying up was included as well and he'll be having a press conference on that later. He said he was just joking about that though. He said Beth never saw anything inappropriate there. Howard said that's what she claims anyway.
Howard said Letterman has a type and Beth isn't that type. Howard said Letterman's women all look like they graduated from Harvard and don't have any make up on. Howard said Beth is too glamorous. He said she's too busy getting her hair done. Dave would never put up with that.
Howard said the women Dave is with look like they cut their hair with a nail file. He said Dave would never be attracted to Beth. He said that they probably have a lot of ''popcorn bush'' too. Howard said Dave doesn't go for super glam, he's into real women. He would probably did his mom. Howard did an impression of his mom talking about how she's natural and how that's the way they like it. He stayed in that voice for a couple of minutes having a conversation with his mom talking about the whole David Letterman thing.
Howard said he's pretty sure Dave would date his mom before he'd be with Beth. He said he's into those natural looks and not the glamour. Howard said Dave likes a nice sweatshirt, mom jeans, a running suit, track outfit or something like that. Howard said Dave dates Mormon librarian types.
Howard said Beth did work with Dave for a while. He never asked for a kiss or anything from her. Howard said Dave didn't even ask her to tape Jackass.
Robin got back to her news and read about a church that can't afford to pay anymore because they've been sued so many times over priests abusing people. They had to file for bankruptcy protection. Howard said that sucks that people admit to something like that and now they can't get paid.
Robin read a story about an Iowa Doctor who died at the age of 95. He came up with treatments for club footed people. Robin said that he treated the club foot problem with non surgical methods. Howard wondered what they were. Robin said it must have been some kind of form that forced it into alignment. Fred played some of Eric the Actor saying ''Ack, ack'' and his ''I'm club fuckin footed you ass wipe'' clip while they were talking about that.
Robin read about some of the top box office takes this weekend. She said that Paranormal Activity did very well and went up over the week before.
Robin read about Elvis Presley's hair selling for $15,000. Howard said that person obviously has too much money. They wrapped up and ended the show around 11:00am.
Jon had Teddy play a clip from the interview where Seregon was explaining what Hollywood has done to Vampires. Gary was making comments during the clip and definitely didn't believe in that crap at all.
Gary said he's not caught up in the whole Vampire thing that much so he doesn't know all of the rules. He said that she was talking about this thing like everyone should know what it all means but it's only obvious to her and her dopey friends who believe in that nonsense.
Jon said that Seregon talked about sucking blood out of her own cut so that was one way she drank blood. Gary said that he knew a guy who used to drink blood to get the iron out of it.
Jon asked Gary if Seregon's outfit turned him on. Gary said that her teeth weren't even that impressive. There are plenty of people have pointy teeth like she had. Jon said that she was also saying that you're born into it. Gary said he doesn't know. He said it sounds like a bunch of kids from Drama club not getting over it and wanting it to keep going.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Steve Brandano cares this much about this shit. Jon said that Steve cares a lot about the Miss USA Pageant, cougars and vampires. Steve said that he has a problem with Lisa G's breasts too. He said it's insulting to breasts when she claims that she has big breasts. He said it's the same thing with vampires and with the cougar thing too.
Jon and Gary said that this really does bother Steve. Steve said he's glad that he understands why he wanted to go in there and let him go into the studio. Steve said that he was the most vocal of the group and Gary let him go in there about it. He said it's all stupid that she thinks she's a vampire. Gary said it's like arguing over Santa Claus, it's all ridiculous.
Steve said that if that chick bit his neck and sucked his blood then he'd believe her. He'd have to turn into a vampire himself before he'd believe it though. Gary said there are no vampires so that's the whole point.
Jon asked Benjy what he thought of this vampire. Benjy seemed to like her. Benjy said that they told her to come in so it's not all her fault. Gary said she's just a regular person pretending to be a vampire though.
Jon asked Benjy about his discussion about Miss Howard TV. Benjy told Jon what was going on with her flight and why he didn't get to go out. Benjy said he didn't know that she was going to try and change her flight. Benjy said that she seemed very sweet and she wrote on his Facebook page. Benjy said she told him to visit Arizona sometime.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it was odd how Robin was making fun of this girl when Robin was in a group of witches. Gary said Robin would say that she wasn't actually a witch though. She just hung out with a group of women who were into that whole witch ting.
Gary said that John was very venomous about the whole thing on his Facebook page. Gary said that John seemed to be interested in getting back into Howard's good graces this summer but now John is yelling about something that shouldn't even be his fight. Gary said John should stay out of the fray even if he wants to be pissed at Howard. Gary said that he might be picking the wrong fight.
Jon asked Gary if John is drinking Jay Leno's Kool-Aid now like he claimed he did with Howard when he was working there. Gary said it seems like John is being loyal to the guy he works for. Jon said that now Howard is saying that John is dead and out of his life.
The caller asked if they can ask Howard why he hasn't mad a comment at all about Les Moonves and his wife having a baby boy a few weeks ago. Gary said that he didn't think it was that big of a deal maybe. The caller said that maybe Beth would start thinking about having a baby then. Gary said he didn't think it was a story that they'd talk about on the air because it wasn't that important. The woman said that it was important to the fans who have been listening for years. Not to me.
Gary said no one knows how good you're doing until you do something wrong. He said that if the talk was going on every day then it would be an issue.
Jon asked Benjy what he thought about the whole thing. Benjy said that Robin can be kind of rough with her compliments. He said that it's like telling someone they're not ''that ugly'' when they see you. Gary said he gets that from people who tell him his teeth aren't as big as they thought they were going to be.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that if that chick was a real vampire then she wouldn't show up in pictures when her picture is shown. Benjy said they should put a picture of the studio empty for her picture on the web site.
After playing the clip they talked about Cyndi leaving to go to the bathroom and how someone was telling them that she called another radio station. Gary said he kept checking the hallway to look for her and he kept waiting and waiting but she didn't come out. Gary said he thought it was a funny bit for the air after a while.
Jon took a call from Dan the Mets hater. He goofed on Gary for a short time. He didn't have a lot to say other than goofing on the Mets and the Jets.
Jon said that Cyndi and Sharon talked about their spouses and what they have either done or would do if their men cheated on them.
The guys spent a few minutes talking about what they would do if they could cheat on their spouses. They talked about an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry got a 10th anniversary gift of the chance to sleep with another woman but it was too much pressure on him. Gary said that he thinks it would be too much pressure on him too.
Gary asked Benjy what the longest relationship was that he's been in. Benjy said he was in two for about 3 years each. He said he's not sure he'd want to be in a relationship for a lifetime. He said that his girlfriend Sheila was awesome though. They had to go to break after that.
Jon said he knows that Artie is struggling and he hopes that he's okay. Gary said they all hope he's okay. Jon said that Howard was joking about how Artie used to show up for work when he was having problems. Gary said they have a crazy work ethic there. He said they had a conversation with Greg Fitzsimmons that one time and he was saying that Artie shows up an awful lot for a comedian.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that KC was a demented individual but Artie hurts himself. He said that KC has never done anything kind for other people, he just uses people and Artie never did that. They had compared the two during the conversation during the Stern Show earlier so that's why she brought KC up.
Benjy said he never had a problem with KC. He said that he never tried to use him at all. Gary said that the first 4-5 years that KC worked there he was great. There were times when they had to call KC to wake up and get there but he never looked at him like he was using them. He said that KC caused a lot of damage to their office in the end though.
Gary said he doesn't think that Artie is crazy. He said that Artie's issue is that he has demons and that doesn't make you crazy.
The caller said that KC didn't respect women and he didn't respect pets so he was a very disturbed individual. They talked about how KC had done something to his girlfriend's dog. They thought he sat on it but a caller corrected them and said that he had poisoned it accidentally.
The caller also asked if KC really won the money on GoldenPalace.com. Gary said that they thought it was real and that's what they believed at the time. He won like $300,000 and lost it all right back to them.
The caller asked why Fred doesn't step up more and fill in for Artie while he's out. Gary said they don't do things like that. They just do what they do and keep doing it. Gary said that if Fred started talking even more then it would be out of place on the show.
Gary said if Artie left and they didn't fill in the chair then maybe Fred would start talking more but it would just morph into that.
The caller asked if Howard is being more lenient because Howard's retirement might be coming soon. Gary said he's not sure about that. Benjy said that he could probably get in more jokes for Howard to use if Artie wasn't around.
Another caller said that they replayed that whole ''bro fight'' on the Fight Week special recently and it sounds like Artie might need a call from Howard. Gary said he knows that some people there have been in touch with his family but Artie might not even take a call from Howard if he tried calling. Gary said he's thought about trying to call him too but in the past it seems that Artie felt like he just didn't want to talk to him. He said it seems like Artie feels it's a burden to talk to him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Jon is such a pussy when it comes to the Artie question. Jon didn't get what he meant. The caller said that he never admits that Artie might be on drugs. Jon said that he just tells them what he thinks. He said he knows that Artie went through some tough times recently and he's trying to work through them and that doesn't mean that he's back on drugs.
The caller told Jon that he's going to get shoved into a locker there if there are any around. Jon said he's not worried about that. He said that Artie might really be sick. Maybe he's not on drugs and he's trying to deal with something.
The caller was also wondering why they don't have a naked Sybian ride thing on Howard TV. Gary said he'd talk to the guys about that.
Ralph called in and said that the caller might be looking for a porno channel. He went on to say that he's glad that Howard is done with Stuttering John now. He said he's glad he's seen the light.
Ralph also brought up how Artie has been out sick the most this time than any other time. He said it seems like he's trying to top himself. Gary said he has been out for a week before so it's not the most. Ralph said it seems to be getting worse and worse for him. Gary said he was getting better for a long time there. Ralph said he's not sure what's going on but he's kind of tired of trying to figure the guy out. Gary said it is pretty exhausting.
Gary asked Ralph how the Geektime Show went on Saturday. Ralph said it was probably the best one yet. He said they had fun on the show. Jon agreed with him about that. They were also at Comic-Con on Friday so they talked about that on Geektime.
Gary said he doesn't think that Ralph is that much of a geek. Ralph said that he really is and he has to see his house. Jon said that Ralph really is a geek. Ralph said he was going to go up and say hi to some hot chicks at Comic-Con but when he saw the Batmobile sitting there, he turned and went over there and got on line for that instead.
Gary said he knows a guy who owns a Batmobile and he ends up yelling at kids when they get too close to the car. Gary said the guy drives around in it all the time down in Dallas.
Jon took another call from a guy who brought up Gary screwing up with the message about Beth. He said that's a big screw up for him. Gary said he's right about that.
The caller asked Gary why he uses notes instead of an iPhone to keep his notes. Gary said that it doesn't make sense for what he's doing there.
Jon asked Gary about Steve Grillo and his huge tattoo. Gary said that thing is enormous and you have to dissect it to figure out what it is. He said he's not sure exactly what it is. He said it's all over his back though. Steve has also put on a few pounds and Howard pointed that out.
Gary said that they're going to get Medicated Pete out there to do interviews so that's going to work out now that Steve's interviews haven't worked out.
Jon asked if Gary was bummed out that Pete wasn't ready to do the karaoke thing today. Gary said they're all set up for him to do it tomorrow.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how old Benjy is and if he finds it creepy asking out 20 year old girls. Benjy said he'll date 50 year olds or 20 year olds. He said he's not against dating any age woman. Benjy said he can imagine settling down and having a family but he's not going to set a time on it. Benjy said that he can't have just one woman in a relationship though so he wants to find someone who can let him have sex with other women. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show saying that Artie Lange is back in the studio this morning. Howard said that he's there and ready to perform. Artie asked how they were doing and said that he loves them all. He said they're his other family.
Howard asked Artie if he wanted to make an announcement or anything. Artie said he wanted to know how long he had to stay out for some charity to get $10,000. He said he had what you might call a mini nervous breakdown. That was Fred's theory.
Artie said that it was a really bad time for him. He said that he was in therapy and doing pretty well for a while. Artie said the shrink said that he wanted to be too much like his father and he wanted to disappoint a lot of people. He said he has to lose and has that gambling mentality where he feels he has to lose at everything.
Howard asked Artie what he did all week. Artie said he did this charity gig in Detroit and his father had fallen when he was 42. Artie is now 42 and just turned that age and he knew it was going to be tough for him. He didn't know just how tough though. The guy he was doing the show for in Detroit was a paraplegic. Artie said his dad asked him to kill him 3 times a week and this guy was the opposite of that.
Artie said the kid he did the show for was attacking life and just got married and had a baby. His wife is pretty, pregnant and still with the guy. Artie said the difference is that they have access to money. Artie said they didn't but wah, wah, wah.
Artie said that they wanted to get an experimental car for this guy so that's why he did this charity thing. Artie said that sometimes paraplegic people have involuntary movements and this guy reminded him of his father. He said it affected his set. Artie said he was really mellow and he was happy that it was a success but Detroit was miserable and damp and he got bummed out.
Artie said that everything was eating away at him on the flight home. He stopped going to therapy but the guy kept calling him so he talked to him on the phone a couple of times. Artie said that the anxiety and stuff got to him. He said that he was really bothered by the whole 42 thing and he wasn't able to get out of bed like his father wasn't able to get out of bed. He as dry heaving, sweating and just didn't know what to do.
Artie said his shrink told him to go to the hospital but he wasn't able to even do that. Artie said his family came over and his girlfriend came over and she was great to him. Artie said she's a really great person and he loves her very much.
Artie said he was crippled and he was laying in bed and unable to get out of bed. Artie said he hardly ate anything the whole time. Robin asked what the girlfriend did. Artie said she was trying to help him get out of bed. She stayed with him and that was very sweet.
Artie said he'd be shaking and his girlfriend would hold him to make sure he was okay. Artie said he missed the days there and he called his stand-up agent and told him that he couldn't do the gig in Rochester. Artie said that the road has been rough on him. He said he has canceled stuff that he has booked in the next month and a half. He said that he has a DVD coming out soon and he has to stop going out on the road for the next year.
Artie said that this schedule and the road is bad so he's going to stop doing the road. He said that was another decision he made at the end of the week.
Artie said his uncle called him and told him that they spent 80 grand on seasons tickets so they wanted him to go to some games. Artie said he wasn't able to do that either. He said he watched them with one eye open while laying in bed.
Artie said he missed the three days last week and over the weekend he wasn't able to get out of the house on the weekend to see anyone. His shrink was willing to come out to his place on a Saturday to meet him. He said the guy is really good at what he does.
Artie said yesterday he had to fight through it all and get out of the house. He said that people were encouraging him to get out of the house so he did that. He wanted to drive in but remembered that he didn't have a driver's license. He said he took the ferry yesterday and the ferry was full of businessmen. He said that every guy on the ferry told him to hang in there. He said everyone knows him on there and he thinks that there are still 20 million people listening to them. Artie said that he can't get away with anything.
Artie said he got a 2 hour session and the guy has him pegged. He said it was fantastic and things worked out. He said they explained a lot of stuff to each other and the guy gave him some medication so he's back on track. Artie said the anxiety wasn't as bad and he got up easier this morning.
Artie said that it's hard to go to sleep worrying about oversleeping. He said that this is the longest he's ever had a job so it's tough on him. He said that the anxiety is bad about coming on the show.
Howard asked if he ever thought about killing himself. Artie said it never got that bad. He said his sister wants him to do the whole Robin thing which is detoxing. Artie said it works for her and it worked for Robin. Artie said he likes cheeseburgers too much to give them up.
Howard said it was good that Artie was back because he really was worried about him. Artie said he was sorry about that. Howard said he puts himself into this illusion where he feels he's fine. Fred said that this stuff that comes flooding in on him is what the problem is.
Howard said that Artie is going to start feeling stuff now that he's off of drugs and that's why he's feeling all of this stuff now. Robin said that can lead to him doing drugs again.
Artie said he hasn't done heroin since April and people told him that he was going to get depressed really bad but he would be able to get through it. He said he was close to going back to that bad shit but he had his family and girlfriend around to help him get through that. He said he wanted to take something just to feel better again.
Howard said he thought it was January that he got clean. Artie said that's when he went to that place in Florida. Then he came back and had another thing. In April he got clean for the last time.
Howard played a clip from a news program where they reported on Artie's absence from the show. They reported on how he had sent a text message in about not coming in. Artie said that message basically said what he just said.
Artie said that he wishes that he was that sinister but it's not like that. He said when he goes out it's like torture for him.
Mariann said that he should have had someone call in and let him know why he was out. Howard said that might be a legitimate point. Mariann said that claiming he had a nervous breakdown is wrong because it's an insult to people who actually do.
Artie wondered how long he should have been out with a nervous breakdown. He said he's trying to fight through something and be at work too.
Another caller said that he goes through a lot of shit but he goes to work every day. He said his wife and kids are moving to California this month and he still goes to work every day. He said he knows what Artie is going through but he still goes to work.
Another caller said that he loves the show and it's not the same without Artie there. He said that Mariann is a miserable cunt and he's going to say that because Artie won't say it. The guy told Artie to come out to Wisconsin to have some pasta with him and they'll sit and bullshit.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he thinks that Artie is full of bullshit. He said that he has this pattern of having this dramatic stuff all the time. He said it's all a bunch of shit. He said he doesn't believe that the wasn't able to eat. Howard said it did look like Artie was able to eat. Artie said that he couldn't eat for a day and a half but then he tends to binge.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that people can have depression for a week and a half. He said Mariann was wrong about that. Dominic asked Artie if the turn of seasons affected him too. Artie said that could be part of it. He said that he knows that he's just nuts.
Dominic asked Howard if he thinks that the change of seasons could have something to do with it. Howard said that might be part of it. Robin said that can't be all of it. Howard said that changing the channel can affect Artie.
Howard said a lot of people want to talk to Artie. Jeff the Drunk called in and told him to hang in there. He told him he loves Artie. Jeff said he loves them all very, very much. Artie said he's pretty sure that Jeff would miss a few days if he had his job.
Another caller asked Artie if this is about the kind of money he makes there. He said that he has claimed he makes like $750,000 there but then goes out on the road and makes like 10 times as much. Artie said that you can get addicted to the money. He said that he has money saved and he's doing alright. He said he's making incredible money there and he's fine with it. He said it has nothing to do with that.
Artie said that he was going to look at the shows where he has to fly but he's committed to this New Year's Eve show he's doing this year. The San Diego show is questionable right now. He said that he may be canceling that one.
Artie said that he's not sure about that show. He said that he will do it for Eric. Howard and Fred told him not to do that. Robin added that he has to do things for himself and not worry about Eric. Artie said that he can cancel as long as it's 30 days ahead.
Eric told Artie that he's putting this promoter Sequoia through hell. Artie said that he can do something else for that guy, he'll be alright.
Robin asked Eric if he'd be okay with Artie cancelling the show. Eric said that he'd be fine with that. Artie asked Eric if he can travel. Eric said he hopes to be able to travel in December to Florida. He said that he just spent a week with the guys from TNA wrestling so he can travel.
Artie said that he hasn't made a decision on that show yet. He asked Eric if he could fly him in and do a local show in Jersey. Eric said he could do that. Gary said he has to come in there live too. Artie said he can work on that.
Howard told Eric that Artie has mental problems and he might not be able to do this show out there. He said he will let Eric know about that. He said if he doesn't do it then they'll make arrangements for Eric to come to a local gig. Howard thanked Eric for that call and let him go.
Artie said he doesn't have the time for the shore house. He said he gets nervous when he's there and he's just not comfortable there. He said he has two jet skis and he's afraid of using them and he thinks that his cousin is going to kill himself using it. He said he enjoys using it but he hates having to fix it when seaweed gets caught in it.
Howard asked him how many times he used them this year. Artie said it was twice. Howard told him to sell them. He said he should put the money in the bank. Artie said he won't get any money for them though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Artie is full of it and he doesn't think that the whole nervous breakdown is believable. Howard asked the guy what he's supposed to do because he sounds like he's a genius. The guy didn't know what to say and he just wanted Artie to say to Howard ''Howard, you're a sucker.'' like Richard and Sal did last week. Howard said that he's not sure that he's a sucker over this but the caller thought there was more to the story.
Another caller asked Artie if he thought that he was going to be affected by this paraplegic charity thing. Artie said that he did think about that. Artie said he was thinking about the date to do it and he set it up two days before his birthday. He said yes but then figured that it was going to be weird but he'd be able to deal with it. He didn't think it was going to get this nuts.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about something else. He said that he suffers from depression too and he thinks that Artie is doing okay and he's for real and not fucking around.
Eric the Midget called back in and said that he wasn't done. Eric said he wanted to comment on what Howard was saying to Sharon Osbourne and Cyndi Lauper and how pro wrestling doesn't pay. Eric said that it does pay and they make careers out of it. Howard said he was just talking about Lou Albano when wrestling didn't pay a lot of money. Eric said there is money in it now. Howard and Robin said that they were talking about wrestling back in the 50s, not now.
Eric thanked the people of TNA for having him down there. Fred played some snoring sounds as he was going on and on about that. He got in some plugs for the show that's airing on Thursday night on Spike. Howard cut him off and told him that he fails there when he starts to plug stuff like that. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go again.
Howard said Sal and Richard made this call to Tradio and they had a female host this time. It was actually a Swap Shop show. Howard played that clip where Sal calls in and says his name is Dick Zenormous and asks about a woman who was selling a rooster. He asked about that ''cock'' and asked the color and stuff like that. They hung up on him after a couple of minutes. Then Richard called in and said that it makes him mad when people like that call in. Richard said he was interested in that cock too. They hung up on him too. Another woman calls in and says ''shame on you'' to Richard and Sal. Sal calls in again and says that he'd be willing to sell his ass for that cock. They had a guy tell her she didn't have to put up with that stuff and said it has to stop. Howard said people need to exercise good common sense according to that guy at the end.
Artie said he's been in before. He said he will leap off the Chrysler building before that happens again. He said he won't be institutionalized unless he gets married.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loved Artie's book and the chapter about his father dying. He said his father died too and he related to that. The caller said that the future is what you make it so nothing is set in stone. He said that's what Abe Lincoln said. Howard didn't know it was Lincoln who said that.
The caller was also saying that he thinks that Stuttering John is going to back stab him in the future. Howard said he's not sure what Artie knows about that but he has a problem with John now. He said that John stuck his foot in something that he shouldn't have. Howard said that Leno's show is ripping off bits from his show and John is commenting on it.
Howard said that they did this chicken bit where they had a chicken pick football games and they did the same thing on the Leno show recently. Howard said John should shut his mouth about it lately. Howard said John is a loser for losing his announcer job. He said that he's sitting there writing and commenting about him on his Facebook page for 14 people. Howard said that John is dumb and he's got no business in show business. He said his movie was a piece of shit and he was nice enough to keep his mouth shut about that. Howard said that John thinks that he's on Jay's team but he should just shut the fuck up.
Howard said he doesn't want John's wife to be talking to his wife anymore with that phony friendship. Howard said he tried to be nice to John this summer but now he's pissed and he doesn't want anything to do with him now. Howard said that you use your brains in life but John doesn't seem to know that. Howard said that Jay doesn't care if John is defending him or not.
Howard said that John told people not to ''drink the Kool-Aid'' about the bits being ripped off of the show. Gary said that John claims that he knows the truth about working there and he was drinking the Kool-Aid there when he was there. Howard said that John is going to do fine in life with all of that talent he has. Howard said that he doesn't want John coming to his house saying he's his friend and then turning on him like that. Howard said he didn't accuse John of stealing anything, he was accusing Jay Leno. He said that he hopes that the whole show goes away. Howard said he hopes they do get rid of that awful show if Comcast takes it over.
Howard said John is probably feeling insecure about his show and he's trying to suck up to Jay in any way he can. He said that John can prove to him that he wasn't ripped off by showing that Jay did his Jay Walking and these other bits that he thinks he lifted from the show, before they did them on his show. Howard said that they must have someone working there that likes his show and they like to incorporate some of the bits on the show. Howard said that Letterman stood up and admitted he had his mother call in after he heard him talking to his mother on the air.
Howard said Seinfeld never stole from him and he doesn't say that everyone did. He said that he's just saying that Jay's show has stolen bits from him. Howard said they sent tapes to Leno's show to prove that they did bits way before he did them.
Howard said that John is a dick wad just like Fred has always said. Fred said that he doesn't drink the ''John Kool-Aid.'' Fred said he liked one of the comments that John made about being there and not remembering the bits from the show. Fred said he was there too and he wrote those bits with Jackie and they remember them.
Howard said he doesn't have 20 writers and they remember all of the stuff they did there. He said he wishes they had someone to steal from. Howard said he wishes that Leno did something they could steal but there is nothing.
Howard said he's done with Stuttering John and his wife. Howard said that Beth isn't going to see her anymore and he's done with the whole family now. Howard said he can't tell Beth who to be friends with but he has asked her not to comment about her or invite her to anything that he's going to be at.
Howard said he's so aggravated by what John said and he's done with it. He said John could have kept his moth shut and could have been friends with both of them but he had to open his mouth. Howard said he's giving John too much time on the air now but it does make for good radio.
Howard said that John thinks that Jay did his Jay Walking bit before they did that stuff on this show. Howard said that John is rewriting history.
Howard said he wouldn't be surprised if the chicken football picks came directly from Stuttering John. Artie said he didn't know they did that bit on that show. He laughed and said that's insanity. Howard said that he's not the liar.
Howard said that he saw that Tracy Morgan was there already. He thought he was coming in at 8:30. Fred said that was the wrong time. Howard said he would take a break and get Tracy in there then. They spent a minute talking about him. Howard said that Tracy wrote this book and he recorded the audio book (I Am the New Black) and went off script bashing the other people he worked with on Saturday Night Live. Howard played the audio of that for Artie since he didn't hear it. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Tracy Morgan was there to promote his new book ''I Am the New Black'' that was written with the guy who helped Artie write his book, Anthony Bozza.
Tracy came in dressed in a trench coat. Howard said he had some new bling on but Tracy said that it was the same stuff he had on last time.
Robin asked if he just got the coat because it still had a plastic thing hanging on it. Tracy said that could become a new trend. Howard asked if he has a stylist who gets him that stuff. Tracy said he does have one and he has a P.A. who helps him out with that stuff.
Tracy said when he's out on the street he doesn't get all dressed up anymore. He said that he's making money now so he doesn't have to do that. He said he can dress any way he wants when he's driving around in a Lamborghini. He said he wears slippers in that car now.
Howard said he thought Tracy lost his license. Tracy said that was years ago. Robin said she has seen him driving around before. She said he was in the rain with the top down. Tracy said he got caught out there after not checking the forecast.
Howard said he was complimenting him on the audio book version of his book. He said that he wasn't treated like he is now and people thought they were better than him. Tracy said if you work anywhere you're not going to get along with everyone. He said that he never hung out with those two that he was talking about in that clip. He said that Chris Kattan and Sheri Oteri weren't his friends there at SNL.
Howard said he read that Tracy was a crack dealer. He also fucked a 14 year old babysitter when he was 10 years old. Tracy said that he was 8 and his brother was 10. The girl was 14 and she let them put it in her. Tracy said he was only 8 and he didn't know what to do so he was crying. He said he didn't love it and he thought it was ''ookie'' because he was just a kid.
Howard asked Tracy about trading crack for sex with a young lady and making her put a bag on her head. Tracy said that he hit her doggy style and she looked like the Unknown Comic. He said that he just told her he was into that. He said she had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth with the bag over her head. He said the bag caught on fire and half her mouth was burned. She had a bangin' body according to Tracy. He said that her face was bad though.
Howard asked Tracy about his parents. Tracy said his father edited in 1987 from AIDS but it was from drug use. He said his father was fucked up from being in Vietnam and he came back with some bad habits. He said that he loved his parents.
Tracy said that he lives a real life and he gets hit in the face every day. He said his mom had to raise 5 kids by herself. Tracy said he was making about $2,000 a week selling crack. He said there are some guys making $2 million a week so that 2 grand was nothing.
Tracy said that he didn't get into crack himself. He said that he got things turned around when his friend Alan died. He said that he got shot in the back by another crack dealer. Tracy said he could have been there with him because they were really close. He said he could have ended up dead along with him.
Howard said he's excited about this book. He said he's getting to know more about him from this book. Howard said that his father was an unusual man. He read that his father told him how he fucked his mother doggy style to have him. Tracy said that he did tell him that. Howard said most people don't know how they were conceived. Howard said Tracy does. Tracy said he knows how he got his name and how his father hit it.
Tracy said he got his name from a guy his father knew in the war. He was on the plane with the guy on the way over there.
Tracy said that his kid caught him having sex with his wife and the kid hasn't spoken to him since then. Howard asked if he thinks it's wild that his father told him how he was conceived. Tracy said his father probably didn't expect him to put it in a book. He said that it's not that big of a deal, it's not like other parents didn't do it doggy style.
Howard said that his mother doesn't do anal. He said that she told him about that. Howard said Fred's mom did anal and talked about it on the air though.
Howard said Tracy is angry with his mom for kicking his dad out of the house for his drug use. Tracy said that's the norm where he came from. He said that she had to raise a family and she told him he had to go.
Howard said it's ironic that he became a crack dealer after that. Tracy said he's glad that his kids won't have to go down that lane. He said he's a funny mother fucker so they don't have to worry about it. He said his father told him that he would end that cycle and he was right.
Howard said Tracy's brother got spinal meningitis from playing with toys in the toilet. He's got trouble walking now from that.
Howard read that it was tough for Tracy growing up in the area he lived in. Tracy said he grew up across the street from Jay-Z. Tracy told a story about how he got his sneakers stolen so he shit in a pool to get back at whoever stole them.
Tracy said he went to the middle of the pool in the deep part and went right in there. He said that became a habit and he likes to shit in water now. Tracy said his neighbor had a slip and slide and he got that shut down too.
Tracy said he still shits in water. He said that a woman has to be in the water with him. He said he's a big ol' freak.
Howard said he liked that Tracy went off script in his audio book. Tracy said that Saturday Night Live was very important to him but some people didn't treat him right. He said that revenge is sweet now that he gets to go back and host the show unlike Chris and Sheri.
Howard asked Tracy why his mother stopped talking to him. Tracy said they never had a good relationship. He said he was more toward his pops. He said that things just fell apart between them. Howard said he heard that she's a Sheri Oteri fan. Tracy said he might be right about that.
Tracy said that if his mother needs money then he's got her back. He said that he would send her money if she needed it but she works and doesn't ask for it. He said he hasn't spoken to her in about 8 years now.
Howard asked if he went to psychiatrists all his life. Tracy said he went like once. In the book he says he went to two different shrinks in high school. Howard said this is in his book though. Tracy said he had to go to one because he had a lot of pent up anger.
Howard said he sees Tracy and he gets to know him and he doesn't think he likes people reading his book and asking him about it. He said that he has to understand that people are going to do that. Tracy said this is his first book so he's getting used to it. He said he's not sorry about anything that happened in his life.
Howard said that Tracy suffers from type 2 diabetes. Howard said he didn't know that. Tracy said he was partying and not taking care of himself. He said that he had to have an operation on his foot recently because of that. Tracy said he came in with a bowl of grapefruit this morning and he ate that.
Tracy talked about the infection he had on his foot and how that is trouble for anyone with diabetes. He said that he was eating an apple while his doctor was cutting into his foot. He had that done at his house. The doctor came to him. Howard said he seems to be very proud of that.
Tracy said that writing this book was rough because he had to go through all of this stuff that happened to him in his life. He said it got serious.
Tracy said that this book makes him excited because it is exciting to think about people reading it. He said that he didn't think that anyone would read this shit. He said his check has cleared already so he doesn't care if it sells or not. He said he would like people to read it but he's not worried about it. Howard said he has written a couple of books too so he knows what it's like.
Howard asked Tracy about the diabetes and how he had to shoot scenes during the day and go to the hospital at night. Tracy said that happened when he got sick. He wasn't taking care of himself and he had to go to the hospital. He said he just kept doing his thing though. He didn't know how serious the disease was and how dangerous it could be.
Howard said something must have happened between him and his mother. Tracy said that it was about the differences that they had and he's just like his mother so that's why they can't get along. Tracy said that he's stubborn just like her and that's what he got from her. Tracy said that's why he's sitting on this couch right now.
Tracy said that he remembers how women treated him back when he was a kid and how he used to have to sit up in the bad seats at the Knick games and now he gets to sit next to Howard Stern there. Howard said Tracy sat right next to him and he was joking around at the game the whole time.
Howard asked Tracy about what incident caused them not to speak for 8 years. Tracy said that it wasn't any one incident. He said that he's still trying to figure it out himself.
Tracy said that Howard didn't grow up in the same kind of area he did. Howard said that he actually did. Tracy told him that he has enough money to fix the economy now though.
Howard asked Tracy what his mom would say to him now. Tracy said maybe she'll read the book and see the way things are now. He said maybe that book is like a letter to his mom. He said he's not blaming anything on her, he's just telling it the way it is.
Howard asked Tracy if he wants to reconcile with his mom before she dies. Tracy said that maybe she should think about it the same way with him because he could die too.
Howard gave Tracy some plugs for his book ''I Am the New Black'' and said he likes that he looks at women and asks them where they were when he was younger. Tracy said that he loves women in general. He said that God never said that you can't love women.
Gary came in and told Howard that Tracy had to go. Tracy didn't want to go so Gary told him it was up to him then.
Howard asked Tracy about what made him get into the stand-up comedy thing. Tracy said he made people laugh in the neighborhood and that meant a lot to people there. He said someone told him to go to the Uptown Comedy Club so he went out and tried it one night. He said that he lit the fuckin room up that night but he didn't know how to put the material together that night. He said he had 7 minutes that first night he went up there.
Tracy said he will never run out of material because he can talk about anything. He said that he could do two hours right now if he had to. He said he will never do corporate gigs though.
Howard asked Tracy if he has a standard two hours he does. Tracy said he can do an hour and a half on sex alone.
Howard read some more stuff from Tracy's book. He goes off on Paris Hilton about how she didn't have to work for what she has now.
Gary came in and said that Tracy's people are freaking out because he was supposed to be somewhere 10 minutes ago. Howard told Tracy he has to come back there and talk more about the book. He said he was only halfway through the stuff he wanted to talk to him about.
Howard gave Tracy some more plugs and wrapped up with him. Tracy asked why the book is intense. Artie said that it was because he said he shit in a pool. Tracy said that was intense shit. Howard told Tracy not to lose it and to keep a straight head.
Howard had a plug for him appearing at Carnegie Hall on November 7th. He also wanted to play a prank call they made with his voice after he was on one time. Howard played him the call they made to this phone sex line using Tracy's recorded voice. Tracy got some laughs out of that. He said that shit was funny. He had to run out of there because he was supposed to be at The Today Show.
Howard said he had a lot of other questions for him. Gary said that his people were freaking out. He was supposed to be at the Today Show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it was one of the best interviews he's heard. Howard said he would have gotten to him sooner but the time was different on his schedule.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel told him that Tracy would be great on his show and he was right. Artie said he's envious that Tracy was amazing on stage the first time he was up there. Robin said it doesn't mean that they're amazing forever because Eddie Murphy wasn't always great.
Artie said that you have to write all the time and it's not that easy. Jeff the Drunk called in and aid that he should make up with his mother because he's acting like an asshole. Howard disagreed with that and said that his mother should be the adult there and get this put behind them. Howard said sometimes the child acts like a child.
Robin said that they don't know who his mother is and what she did. Jeff said that he has to disagree with them about that. Artie said he had to go with the two people who still have their asses and agree with them. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along with the song a little bit. Howard also sang some ''Your body's a wonderland'' and said he didn't know what that song was about until he listened closer to the lyrics.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. Lisa said they have a story about Benjy Bronk getting busted for hiding something under the green room couch. He hid the naked yoga painting of himself from the new Miss Howard TV when she came in. Howard said he can understand that. Howard said he was trying to get a date with her.
Howard said that Benjy got the number from that chick. Artie said that he couldn't believe that. He told Benjy to tell her every lie under the sun and hide every picture of himself from her.
Howard said he was listening to the Wrap Up Show yesterday and Benjy can't answer a question. He said that he and Ronnie said that guy just can't answer a question in a straight manner. He said he's always trying to be funny. Benjy said that's not what it is. He said that he has trouble because he cares so much about getting it right.
Howard said you just want to her the person being real and not trying to come up with something shtick. Howard said he might be interesting if he just spoke like a regular person. Benjy said he feels he has to fake it a little bit when he's talking so that's why he takes that pause. Artie told him to just let it flow out.
Howard said he had to stop listening and told him to cut away all of the horse shit and just be himself. Artie said that he does tell a lot of funny shit on that show.
Howard asked Jon and Gary what they think about it. Jon came in and said that they never expect him to give a straight answer. He said he tries but he never does. Howard said it was very difficult to listen. Gary said that he was talking about being in a monogamous relationship but then he said he could never do that. He said it just gets weird.
Howard asked Benjy how he can have both a monogamous relationship and have another relationship. Benjy said he thinks that he can have an understanding where he could have both. Howard asked if he wants his wife to have sex with other guys too. Benjy said most guys do it but they cheat. He said that maybe that's the way to do it.
Howard got back to Lisa and asked her what else she had. Lisa said that she spoke to the guy who is taking care of the owl that Beth saved. Howard said that they're going to get some pictures of the bird for the web site. Lisa said that the owl is being rehabilitated now and they're taking good care of it.
Lisa said they have an interview with Matthew Sheppard's mother who said that Howard's pro-gay marriage stance is great. Howard said that he cares about people having a nice life and he doesn't want to see people shit on. Howard asked why anyone would want to see anyone else not happy.
Artie said he did a gig recently and they had a gay activist group there and this woman introduced him to some gay guys and they were all thanking him for what they do on the show but then they saw his act for an hour and he does a lot of gay material. He said he is pro-gay marriage though.
Howard said that Medicated Pete, formerly Tourettes Pete, is in desperate need of having sex with a woman and they're trying to find someone for him. Howard said that they have some good news for Pete today. Howard said a lot of women have responded to their call for people to come in.
Pete came in and said that was cool. Howard had some pictures and one woman was off the wall. Howard said that this chick looked like a model. Howard showed Pete the picture and Pete asked ''She wants to date me!?''
Howard showed the picture to Artie and Artie gave her a ''Wow!'' too. The guys figured that she was a Russian model or something. Howard said she is a model and her name is Sarah.
Howard said that this other chick was hot too. He shoed Pete another picture of a chick who wanted to date him. Howard said that this chick went to jail for grand larceny. Pete said she was cute too. Artie checked her out and said she was real cute.
Howard said Pete is 34 years old and was a virgin until earlier this year. He needs to find a real chick to date. Howard showed him another picture of a midget. Pete said she wasn't bad either. Howard asked if he would bang her. Pete said ''I don't know.'' Howard said he was getting picky all of a sudden.
Howard asked Artie if he would bang her. Artie said he may have banged her up in Connecticut. Howard said he should have shown him that picture first.
Howard said Pete could definitely fuck this chick in his opinion. Howard said that Pete shouldn't turn down any chicks that cute. Howard said she's a dwarf, she has big titties, she's blonde but maybe a little short. Howard said that she's intrigued by Pete and she thinks that he sounds like a good guy.
Howard showed Pete another chick who was in a wheelchair. Howard asked Pete if he would do her. Pete said he would do her. He said that he wasn't turned off by the wheelchair. Artie told him to show Pete the midget in the wheelchair. Howard said he didn't have one of that. Howard said that this chick could give him a great hand job or a blow job. Pete said that might be interesting.
Howard said he had another girl who might be out of his league. Pete agreed with him on that. Howard said Pete isn't even in a league. Howard showed him some more pictures and Pete said he didn't even know what to think about them. Howard said one girl was a little heavy set but she was nice looking. Pete said he wouldn't have a problem with that. He said that a weight problem doesn't bother him. He said he'd take it.
Howard read some mail about Pete and some women were saying that he's not that bad. Howard said this one chick said that he was cute. He showed Pete her picture too. Artie said she was cute and out of all of their leagues. Howard had a few more pictures that he was showing to Pete and Pete agreed she might be out of his league. Artie said he wanted that one chick. He couldn't believe how hot she was.
Howard said that Fred knows what this is like and told Pete to ask him about it. Pete asked if he should try to date these chicks and Fred told him to go for it.
Howard showed Pete another picture of a girl who was kind of scary. Pete said her face was kind of hidden. Pete said that he'd probably hit that. Howard said if he was Pete he would. Artie said he thinks that was a picture of s Shar Pei dog.
Howard said this girl wanted to compete for a date with Pete. She was from Canada. Artie said she had a frock on that Lana Turner's gay assistant might wear. Howard showed Pete some more girls who might be out of his league. Pete agreed with him on those.
Howard said he thinks that Pete could get some of these girls. He showed him one that he thinks he could get. Pete checked out that one girl and asked to see her face again. Pete said that she's very attractive. Howard said maybe she's depressed. Artie said that he's probably getting them set in his head so he can jerk off to them later.
Howard had a bunch of pictures to show to Pete. Howard said that they were from all over the country. There weren't many local girls in there.
Pete was suffering from laryngitis over the weekend so he didn't sing yesterday. Pete said he wasn't 100 percent today but he would give it a try.
They played the music for Pete and he had some dance moves down. Pete then started to sing the song. Howard said he wasn't that bad. He said he was good. Howard said he was turning purple as he was singing. Howard said he was good though. He told him to keep going because he was moving him.
Artie said that grand larceny chick is wet hearing this. Pete kept singing and seemed to be impressing the guys in there. Pete kept going with the song and everyone was singing along with him at one point. Pete was really into singing the song. They told him he was great. Artie said he was unbelievable.
Howard said Pete was turning purple. Pete said that was part of his shtick. Howard said they have a lot of chicks who are into him and maybe he should let him pick the 3 he wants to bring in for a dating game. Robin said maybe they should pre-interview some girls. Howard said that's actual work and they're not going to do that. Artie said he'd be afraid that Pete would eat the papers if they gave them to him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that the karaoke was horrible. She said that she didn't want to date him either. She told him that it was really bad. Howard said that he thought it was unbelievable. She said that she could sing it better with a cold and a sore throat. Another caller said they should call him Karaoke Pete.
Howard said they're going to work on the dating thing and find some girls for him. Artie said that maybe if he turned all of the lights off, like Prince does, it would work for him.
Howard said that song was a tough one to sing. Robin thought he pulled it off though. Howard said he put him to shame and he can't even sing as good as Pete. Howard said he'd give it a try but he'll probably give up. Robin said she doesn't want to see any of Howard's shtick.
Howard tried singing ''Purple Rain'' and put on some shtick of his own. There was some laughter coming from Artie during that performance. Howard gave up after a couple of minutes. Pete did know the song better than Howard did.
Howard said he's going to get Pete a girl. He said that they'll work that out. Robin said that he was getting more and more excited as he was showing him the girls that wrote in. Artie said there was one or two girls in there who were 9's.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Artie should take Pete out on the road. Artie said he can't afford him. Another caller said they should call him Purple Pete. Howard kind of liked that one too.
Howard played the audio of this Annette quitting. She came back from a song and made an announcement about how she refuses to walk around with people lying to her and talking about her behind her back. She said she couldn't take it and she wasn't going to take it so she was done. She said she made $6 an hour for the past 6 years and she had just gotten a raise and she was done. She then said that she quits that bitch. The music kept going behind her the whole time.
Howard said that he had some audio of some guys talking about sports and David Wells in talking. He said that they smell something awful in the studio and they talk about it. Wells says that he just farted and the other guys are all grossed out by it. Howard said the guys looked like they just smelled rotten eggs.
Howard said that this Howard K. Stern guy is confusing people to think that he's the one up on charges in the Anna Nicole Smith case. Howard said even Geraldo Rivera forgets to say the ''K'' in the name. Howard played some audio of Geraldo interviewing a guy about the Anna Nicole Smith case and saying ''Howard Stern'' over and over again during the interview. Howard said that confuses people and he gets more and more mail about how he had something to do with the Anna Nicole Smith case.
Artie said that it's really harmful to Howard and he wondered if he thought about doing something about it. Howard said he hasn't but he figures that there might be some people who want to subscribe when they hear his name mentioned. Artie said his girlfriend thought Howard dated Anna Nicole Smith. Howard said she's from Jersey and she didn't even know.
Howard said Rebecca Romijn was on the Tonight Show talking about how Jerry O'Connell shaves his legs. Howard said that's disturbing to him. He played the audio of that and Rebecca reveals that Jerry shaves his legs sometimes.
Speech Impediment Man asked him about Morticia being the first Gothic girl. Howard said he didn't know the answer to that and hung up on him.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he has a friend who wants his wife to give him a blow job for a birthday present. Howard asked if she's hot. The guy said that she is hot and they used to swing a lot with the other couple. Howard said that if the guy is into it then maybe it would be okay. The caller said his friend might want to be in the room but doesn't want to participate. Howard said he would probably do it if he was in that situation.
Howard said that's an odd thing to come up in a conversation. The guy said they were just sitting around when it came up and his friend told his wife she should give him a blow job. Howard told the guy to take pictures and let them know.
Howard said he might do something like that if he was in that situation. He said that if the guy is turned on by that then maybe he should let his wife do it. Howard said you don't want to turn down an offer like that because it might take away from her self esteem.
Artie said that things like that have happened to him out on the road. He said that he's had it happen about four times but he's turned it down. He said it's creepy.
A caller asked Howard what he thinks about Comcast possibly taking over NBC and asking if he thinks that it's getting out of control. Howard said that he believes in capitalism and he wouldn't have a problem with Comcast taking over NBC.
Howard said he's not against big companies taking over smaller ones like this. Howard said that some people think that some companies can become too big because they end up being the only game in town. Howard said he was almost banned from all of the Clear Channel stations when he was on terrestrial radio. Howard said that a lot of those stations would have gone under if they weren't bought out though so it can be a good thing in that way.
Howard and the caller went back and forth on that stuff for a few minutes talking about mergers and things like that. The caller was saying that in Howard's logic they'd be able to buy every radio station in the country. Howard said that'd right. Howard asked the guy how much news he gets off the radio because he gets all of his news out of the newspaper and the web.
The caller said that it's not right for companies to buy all of the stations like that. Howard said that he was for deregulation and he's not going to be an asshole and pretend he wasn't.
Howard said that this Rupert Murdoch is keeping the NY Post going just for the hell of it. He said that it's a money loser. Howard said the paper is entertaining to read and he's glad it's still around.
Howard said he didn't like it when the FCC only allowed you to own two radio stations. He said that wasn't right. The caller said that it was a good thing. Howard said that there are a lot of stations out there that can't make any money and it's not like it's a license to print money. That's just not the way things work.
Howard said Rush Limbaugh has made it in the industry because he works hard and brings in some ratings. Howard said he's not a fan of the guy but the guy has worked hard to get where he's at.
Howard said that he's thriving where he's at and that's why radio doesn't need to be regulated. Howard said that there are plenty of places he can go to do a show that radio isn't a monopoly. Howard said he doesn't even need to work for a company. He could go out on his own and do his own thing on the internet now. He could do radio and TV on the internet at the same time.
Howard said that terrestrial radio is nothing now and once all cars have satellite radio in them then they're going to kick the ass of terrestrial radio.
The caller said that SIRIUS is using car sales to keep them in business and they have to move away from that. Howard said that this guy sounds like he knows a lot about the business. The guy said he just reads a lot about it.
The caller was saying that Comcast controls so much of the business in cable, internet and eventually TV that they could keep Howard from staying in business if he did go to the internet to do a show. Howard said that he'll have to find something else to do then.
The caller said that Howard was fired just a couple of weeks after he commented on George Bush and the war. Howard said that he was fine with them firing him because he got the fuck out of there and went to satellite radio. Howard said you do find ways to make it.
The caller said that Rush Limbaugh doesn't get ratings high enough to justify what he gets paid. Howard said that he gets good enough ratings that they can justify it. The caller thought that it was the RNC paying into him and keeping him on the air.
Howard said that a lot of advertisers backed off of him and Mel kept him on the air. He said that McDonald's, Burger King, Pepsi, Coke and a lot of others abandoned him but Mel knew he could keep him in business with all of the other advertisers. Howard said he had a syndicated show and he was in daily meetings with people all the time. Howard said he had to run after that.
Howard said he would rather see local ownership of stations but they can't stay in business doing it that way. Howard said he doesn't want to see just one guy owning everything but he also doesn't think that they should regulate it.
Howard said it's a lot of hard work to make a radio station work. He said that a lot of them go belly up. Howard said that there is no limit to the newspapers out there either and anyone can go out and start one. Robin said she just got a copy of a new one that just started.
Howard said he doesn't like Clear Channel but they're going to have to sell off some stations. He said that he's not sure who will buy them though. Howard said that he would never buy a radio station.
Howard said he may be for regulation in the banking business. He said if he were President then he'd have to go on a case by case basis. Howard said radio is a shit business so they don't need to regulate that. Howard had to go to a break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was listening to a report about him being mad about the Leno bit being stolen. Howard said it makes it seem like he's a nut job when they report on that. Howard said it's not a genius thing but it shows that Leno isn't a genius and he's ripping off bit after bit for his show.
Artie said that this is a blatant rip off of the show. Robin said that they don't work it into anything either. Howard said they stole the bit where they have people doing stuff to win plugs for their stuff too.
Howard played the clip of this news report where a reporter is talking about the chicken bit they did on Leno's show where the chicken picks a football team to win. The reporter says that they did that last week on Leno's show but Howard Stern did it for years on his radio show. The reporter said Howard started with a chicken and eventually had a monkey make picks. One reporter asked if Howard Stern owns the idea. One guy said Howard does this just to get into the news.
Howard said he's not doing it to get into the news. He said he's just pointing out that the guy rips him off. Howard said Jay stole Stuttering John, he stole the Jay Walking bit which was the homeless game, and he's stolen the chicken picking the football teams and a bunch of other bits that are ripped off from his show.
Howard said he's just pointing out that Leno is a thief and a farce. Howard said he's a good stand-up comic who can't do anything good on TV.
Howard said he points this out because he thinks that it's shitty. When he wants to do his own bits again then people think that he's ripping off Leno. Howard said that Leno is a creepy guy and it's like talking to an android. He said he's a weird cat.
Gary said that they needed a guy to go out and ask questions and Howard came up with Grillo. Gary said that Steve is all upset about it. He said that Johnny Fratto is upset that he's not getting his stuff played either. Howard said sometimes they don't get to that stuff for months. Howard said that he can get to that stuff at any time and it might be months.
Gary said Jason is dealing with Grillo and Grillo is all nervous abut what's going on. Gary said they're not mad at him. Howard said it's all weird. He said that Grillo is freaking out and he's not sure why he's talking about not sucking dick.
Steve said that Sam Simon is responding to an unauthorized book about The Simpsons. Steve said that Sam had a few things to say about the book and they'll have more about that today. Steve said that they'll have more about the Leno show and what people are saying about that lately.
Howard had a caller on the line who said he was Artie's dad. Artie knew it was Wheels as soon as he heard his voice. Wheels went off on him telling him to get a real job if he wanted to be him. Artie said that he and Wheels have a bet going on the World Series and he will take his money no problem. He said if he doesn't pay up he'll send a couple of guys to collect.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. Howard mentioned that Jon Hein fixed his phone this morning. He said he upgraded his Blackberry Messenger and he's like a phone expert. Jon said he just sues the phone a lot and he's able to figure it all out. Howard said he has the Blackberry Tour and it's working great so far. He's able to make calls even in his apartment. That phone is on Verizon instead of the other service he had with AT&T.
Artie said he has the Blackberry Curve and he's on Verizon as well. Howard said that he likes anything new. Jon said it's great when the phone actually works. Howard said he's going to test his phone for a week and let Robin know how he likes it.
Ralph called in and told Howard that it's the guts of the phone that matters too. He wanted to defend the iPhone. Howard said he was done with that. Ralph said that Grillo always jumps the gun on stuff and he was going to Page Six with his story about how he was going to be the new Stuttering John.
Howard had some feedback about the woman who was in claiming she's a vampire. Howard said some people liked the interview and some didn't. He said that some people also commented on his thoughts on his own acting skills. One guy said that he objects to him putting himself in the league with all of those people he did that with yesterday.
Howard got some feedback about that band Mika that he played. He said that he didn't like the band when he heard them on the show yesterday but liked them on Letterman.
Robin started her news with a story about internet training that can enhance brain function in older adults. Howard said it turns him on. He said he likes the internet. Robin said that they say that using the internet can help people's minds so it's good for you. She suggested that Artie try it out.
Howard said he's going out to dinner with Dr. Lou tonight and they're getting together with Howie B and Kenny. Robin asked who they are. Howard said they were all buddies in summer camp. Howard said he hasn't seen Kenny in years. Howard said they're all guys he knew from summer camp so it's kind of a reunion. Howard said he's taking Beth out later that night. He said he has to be home by 9 though.
Artie asked Howard how Beth did out in Vegas. Howard said she had a good time but he can't say much about the show she did. Howard said that she was a judge on this show ''True Beauty.'' He said she had a positive experience and it was fun to do but it was tough for her to be away from him just like it was tough for him to be away from her.
Howard said he went to dinner with Vanessa Manillo and Nick Lachey as well as Carson Kresley out in Vegas. Vanessa and Carson worked with Beth on the show. Howard said he picked up the tab out there so he wouldn't fuck up Beth's time out there.
Howard said he was out in Vegas and went to a couple of shows. He said he had a good time at the Beatles show out there. Artie said he wants to see that show. Howard said he likes that you can drink during the shows out there. He said that doesn't do anything for Artie. Artie said that if you could drive during the show he couldn't do that either.
Artie said that he was ready to quit show business at one point. He said he was going to go back to driving a cab but he can't even do that. He's not qualified to even have a cab driver job. Artie said that the cab company employed a bunch of retards. He said that he called the guy who owned the place and told him he had lost his license for 6 months and the guy told him that he wasn't going to tell anyone like he wanted him to keep driving.
Robin said that a doctor was accused of stealing his dying patient's Rolex watch. Howard said he doesn't relate to those expensive watches. He just doesn't get it. Robin said that the doctor has been banned from practicing medicine in California after this.
Artie talked about some of his friends that would steal stuff from dead people on their way to the morgue. Robin said that this doctor is accused of maybe letting the patient die just to get that watch.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was watching Leno and told them about a lame bit they did on the show. Howard said it's just a matter of time before they steal the Intern Beauty Pageant and he's pretty sure that John will be the one to pitch that in the writer's meeting.
Robin read a story about a couple that was arrested for taking nude pictures of their kids and dropping them off at Walmart for developing. Someone at Walmart turned them into the cops.
Robin read that Lebron James had a tumor removed from his jaw this year. He has come out and revealed that information. He is now pain free.
Robin said scientists say they found dozens of planets outside of our solar system. Howard said the bad news is that there is no life on any of them. He said he thinks that we're alone in the universe. Howard said that it's too bad they found more because Sal can't even remember the 9 we have. Artie said he's not sure there's not life on other planets. He said he's shit his pants and not just once so why can't there be more accidents out there? Howard had to go to break after that.
After the break Howard said he was going over the Medicated Pete dating thing and he may take Robin's advice and call some of the girls on the air. He said they'll get to that tomorrow.
Bobo called in and asked Robin if she's still willing to jump out of a plane. Robin said that she won't be doing it this year. She said she kept putting it off and she did other stuff so she wasn't able to get to it.
Bobo asked if she has a death wish or something. Robin said she's not planning on dying in this. She said she thinks she'll be fine.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he was on the ferry with Artie yesterday. He said he had just gotten done listening to the show and Artie got on the boat. He said Artie had his headphones on and acted like he didn't want to talk to him. He said he didn't look so hot but he's glad to hear him back on the show today.
Gary the Retard called in and said that he's upset that Bob Levy didn't call him to be part of the Killers of Comedy show this month. Howard asked if he did the show or canceled it. Gary said that he didn't do the show. Howard said maybe he wasn't able to get a crowd.
Gary (Baba Booey) said that Gary said that Bob told him that he has to take the Wack Packers off the shows because Howard told him to. Howard said he didn't want him to take them off his comedy shows, he was talking about using them on his radio show.
Howard asked Gary if he's getting any pussy lately. Gary said ''What are you crazy?'' Gary said he's not getting anyone. Gary said that he had a girl but she was just using him to get to the show. Gary said he had to end things with her because of that. Now he has a restraining order to keep her away from him. Howard said he told him to keep her away from him and he seems to forget that.
Howard said that Gary was on that show ''Are You Smarter Than a Caribou.'' He played that clip which was a bit that Sal and Richard did with Gary.
After the bit Gary asked when he was going to be back on the show. Howard said he was working on it. Artie said ''Never!'' Howard said he loved that day they sent him to the moon on the show. They put him in the green room and he thought he was actually on the moon. Howard said they had cheese in there like he was bringing back cheese from the moon. Howard said that rocket ship they had scared the shit out of him.
Robin got back to her news and read about the guy who was involved with the Octomom being banned from the reproductive technology group he was in. He was putting an average of 4 embryos in women and Nadia Sulemon got 6 embryos implanted in her. Howard said that he would be scared of that chick if he got near her. Howard said he's sure Benjy would bang her. Howard said he's not sure she would do Benjy though.
Ralph called in again and said he thinks that the show has been really good for Gary the Retard. He said he's not as retarded as he used to be and he's getting wiser. He said that he used to be really retarded. Howard said he did freak out when they put him on the moon. Howard said they could tell him that they're shrinking him and putting him inside his body next time. He said that would be like Fantastic Voyage.
Howard said that Gary Dell'Abate is getting less retarded too. He said that he's not as retarded as he sued to be. Howard said he'd love to shrink Gary the Retard and put him in the green room with a heart in there and stuff like that. Howard said they could put him in his asshole to fix his hemorrhoid. Artie said it might be kind of crowded in there.
Artie said Gary the Retard does defend himself more than he used to so maybe he is less retarded. Robin said it might be the stimulation and the interaction.
Robin read about David Hasselhoff getting a reality show. She said the deal is almost in place and he may be starting that soon. His daughter tweeted that he was going to be starting that soon and for people to get ready for it.
Robin read that child protective services may be taking away the kids from the Heene family after their balloon hoax was exposed. Robin said that the father was obsessed with reality shows and he was trying to get one developed for his family. Robin said there's a neighbor who claimed he knew that it was a hoax as soon as he saw the balloon on TV last week.
Robin said that they say that Richard Heene was working on a theme song for his own realty show. She had some audio of that for Howard to play.
Robin read about the guy who wrote the theme song to the Addams Family and Green Acres dying. Howard said they don't have cool theme songs anymore. He said they just get right to the show. Howard talked about how great the theme songs were. Artie said that some of them gave the back story to the show and that's what was great about them. Howard said that's true because he'd forget why Gilligan and the guys were on the island and they'd remind you at the start of the show. Howard said he'd forget that the Addams family were all together spooky too.
Robin said the guy was 93 years old but they're not sure what killed him. It could have been the fact that he was 93 years old.
Robin read about Roman Polanski being in the hospital getting some testing done. He's been appealing trying to get out of jail and he keeps losing the appeals.
Howard was thinking about the shows that don't have theme songs now. He came up with some lyrics for Heroes, Lost, Dancing with the Stars and more.
Robin read about how Rod Blagojevich is trying to get on Celebrity Apprentice. Robin said that they say that he may be on the show but lawyers are trying to limit what he says on the show because it could taint the jury pool. Artie and Howard did their Beavis and Butt-Head impressions when they heard the word ''taint.''
Robin read a story about John Gotti Jr. and how his friends are testifying against him and some say he's a great guy and some say he's awful. Howard said that's like Jim Florentine because when he was with Robin he was on his best behavior but then he'd go out and shit in toilet tanks when he wasn't with her.
Howard said he would be the worst mob guy because he'd rat on everyone. He said he would break and tell on everyone as soon as the feds got a hold of him.
Artie said that there was a story in the news about a gay wise guy who quit the mob. Robin said she was going to do that one next. She said that he came out and said he wanted to tell everyone he was gay.
Robin read a story about Suzanne Somers coming out with a new book about how to cure cancer. Howard said he has to come out with a book about how to cure AIDS if he wanted to out do her.
Robin read a story about a new technique to get people to use anything but plastic bags. Robin said she recycles her bags. Howard said he uses plastic bags for his poop bags. Robin said that they're giving rebates to people who use reusable bags, or sacks, at CVS stores. That ''sack'' comment got Artie and Howard doing their Beavis and Butt-Head impression again.
Robin read about people taking precautions so they don't get the H1N1 virus. Howard said he has Purell all over the place. He said he hates hand shaking and he uses it all the time.
Robin read about how people are taking all kinds of precautions to avoid the virus. Howard said he gives the fist bump and people laugh at him. He said he prefers that over the hand shaking though.
Robin read more about the H1N1 and how it's causing problems with pig farmers because of the ''swine flu'' name. They say that you don't get the flu from eating pork.
Robin read about Al Franken talking about a bill and how it can be paid for. She had audio of him talking about that.
Robin read a story about a federal law that came out about medical marijuana and how patients won't get in trouble for smoking it anymore.
Robin read about how some people are going to be laid off from the NY Times. She had some audio of a guy talking about what's going on there.
Robin had a story about Don Hewitt's memorial service. Howard said he was probably one of the last people to speak to Don. He was at a party where Mr. Hewitt was at and he spoke to him just hours before his death. Artie said he might want to stop talking to people from 60 Minutes because they seem to die after he does. Howard said he had a nice conversation with Don and he was very complementary toward him even though he thought that Don hated him in the past.
Howard said Don was a good man and the show he created, 60 Minutes, is still a great show after all these years. Robin had some audio of some people talking about what a great guy Don was at the memorial service.
Robin read a story about a guy by the name of Jim James who did a cover of George Harrison songs. Robin said it's a 6 track CD that was released in August. The guy is trying to raise money for the Woodstock Animal sanctuary. Robin had some of the audio for Howard to play. Howard said there was too much echo on the cover of ''My Sweet Lord'' as he played that. Howard said it sounds like his bathroom.
Howard played the cover of ''All Things Must Pass'' and Howard put a ton of echo on his own voice as he was singing along. There was too much echo on that song too. Howard pointed that out and said it was kind of shocking. Artie said there is no reason to listen to that instead of George Harrison's versions.
Howard wondered why he was spending so much time on this guy. Robin said she was just playing some examples of his music.
Robin read about a new vampire movie that's coming out called Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant. Robin read about that and had some audio of John C. Riley talking about the movie.
Howard said he was watching the Vampire Diaries on the CW last night. He said he likes that show. He said he loves the whole vampire thing. Howard said he loves it all.
Robin read about the new Saw movie and it's number 6 in the series. Robin had some audio of the creator of the series talking about the latest one.
Robin also had some audio of Megan Fox talking about the new Transformers movie that's coming out on DVD. Howard said he didn't like that one. He said it was pretty lame. He said he wasn't suer who was good and who was bad and Megan Fox didn't say a word. Howard said that chick is so hot but she's such a nitwit. Howard was going to end the show but he asked if Artie was coming in tomorrow. Artie said he will be back tomorrow. He said he's going to play basketball today after the show. Howard told him not to go back to bed at all. He said he should just stay up all night. Howard had to end the show a short time later, right around 10:55am.
Jon and Gary talked about the way Tracy came dressed today and how odd it was he was in a trench coat. They were also talking about him talking about his family in a very open way. Gary said he thinks that Howard got into it pretty well even though Tracy was joking about a lot of it.
Jon had Teddy play a clip from the show where Tracy and Howard were talking about how he doesn't talk to her. Tracy said that he's just like his mother and that's why they don't get along.
Jon said that everyone has stories about their parents and he's pretty sure that most people can relate to that conversation. Benjy said that it's hard to tell who deserves the blame there.
Jon took a call from Dan the Mets hater who goofed on Gary about the Mets for a short time. Gary asked if he was the one who called yesterday too. Dan said that was him. Dan also asked Gary why he became a Mets and a Jets fan and not a Yankees and Giants fan. Gary said it was easier to get to the Mets stadium from his house.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about the Tracy Morgan interview. He said he thinks he's a great guest but Howard seems to like cycling in the same guests. The caller said he doesn't care about Tracy's problems with his parents. He said he doesn't think that Howard jokes around with guests any more and that's kind of sad. Gary said that's not true. He said that Howard has done interviews like this for a long time and Tracy was still funny today. The caller said that he's only been listening for about a year. Gary said he should listen to some older shows to hear what he did in the past. He said that he does like to psychoanalyze people.
The caller said he heard the Interview with a Porn Star show last night and he thought JD faking an orgasm last night was the funniest thing ever. Gary said that Howard has that clip to play, he just didn't get to it today.
Another caller said that Tracy Morgan is like one of the top 3 interviews that they have on the show. He said that they have to keep him coming in and maybe get him to sit in for a week like George Takei.
Gary said that he's pretty sure that Howard wouldn't want to let him sit in because Tracy is such a big personality. He said he might not sit back like George Takei does.
Another caller said it sounded like Howard was annoyed with Tracy during the interview. Gary said that he didn't say anything like that today. He said Howard liked the interview.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard really is trying to be an on air therapist now. He said he tries to show off what he's learned in therapy. Gary said he might be doing that but he's doing it just to probe and not cure people. The caller said he's not sure about that and he thinks that it's enough already. Jon said that he's always done that so it's nothing new. Gary agreed with Jon on that. He said Howard has done that as long as he can remember and it's not just with guests. He does that with the staff as well. Jon said that it can make some people uncomfortable on the air but that can make for a great interview.
Jon said Tracy talked about his friend being shot in the back and how that got him out of the drug dealing. He asked if the other guys picked up on that. Benjy said that he picked up on him quitting selling crack and how he got started in comedy. He said he likes to hear about what he was doing all that time.
Benjy asked Gary about talking to Tracy in the green room and what he said to him in there. Gary said Tracy was asking him for advice about what he said in that audio book clip about the people he worked with at SNL. Gary said that if he meant it then he shouldn't worry about what he said. Gary said that people who write books always worry about that stuff because people can take stuff out of context and get really upset over it.
The caller asked if Howard's old wife would be someone he'd go after today. Gary said that Howard was with her so long there was no other look that he was going after. Gary said he'd guess that she'd have that look he'd be looking for. The caller said he thinks that what Howard is ''supposed to have'' as a star is what he has now.
The caller was also talking about Stuttering John and he thinks that John is the one who should have told Howard about leaving before he did. He said that John would have jumped at any offer other than Leno's offer so he thinks that Howard should have blamed John for leaving and not blame Leno for stealing him away.
Gary said he was the last one to find out that John was leaving. Gary said Howard was the one who called him and told him about it. He said he almost fell off his seat when he heard the news.
The guys went back and forth talking about whether or not John should have let Howard know or if Jay should have let Howard know he was stealing away one of his employees. Gary said that if you know someone as a friend and they steal an employee away then you expect that they're going to give you a heads up. The caller didn't think that it was Jay's responsibility. The guy said that he thinks John was the one who made the mistake. Gary said that he did. The caller said Howard shouldn't hold it against Jay then.
The caller asked the guys to tell Howard to do more of his Bob Hope impression. Gary said he's pretty sure there are a lot of people listening now who don't even know who Bob Hope is.
Another caller said that Stuttering John didn't handle this whole Leno thing right and he should have just come clean about it. He said that Howard was still very gracious to him and John didn't show any respect for that. He said that John's fight with Crazy Cabbie is the funniest thing he ever did.
Gary said he thinks that John was a bigger part of the show than they think he was and he did a lot of great interviews for them. Gary said that he's perplexed at what John did on his Facebook account arguing with a single fan. He said that just didn't make sense to him. Gary said John actually took that comment down but he didn't take it down quick enough.
The caller was also asking the guys why Howard has to deal with the animal thing because no one cares about that. The caller said that Howard spent the first hour talking about that. Gary said they spent the first hour talking about Artie being out sick.
Gary said that there are animal activists who like to help them out and Beth is one of them. The caller said that as a listener of the show he doesn't think that they should spend so much time talking about it on the air. He said it's uninteresting even though he has nothing against Beth. He said it's pretty irrelevant to him and he'd rather hear about Artie's text and stuff.
Gary said that Howard talks about this stuff that's in his life and that's what Howard has always talked about. The caller said he thinks that it's hypocritical of Howard to goof on people years ago about this same thing and now Howard is okay with it now that his wife is doing it.
The caller said that he'd like to hear their music special again because they only played it once. Jon said that they played it more than once and he's sure that some people would complain about it if they did play it again. Jon thanked him for calling in and said that Howard does talk about everything in his life so that's why he talks about Beth and what she's doing with the animals. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said John did get punched and hit a couple of times so he did have balls. Ralph said that he and John got along in the past but he didn't think that Howard and Jay were that close like some people think. Gary said they were ''show business friendly.'' Gary said that they used to do stuff for each other all the time so there was a friendship there.
Gary asked if Jay should have called Howard. Ralph said that they were both shitty to Howard and now Howard is seeing how shitty John really was.
Gary and Ralph went back and forth about whether or not John was a good guy on the show or not. Gary said he was trying to be fair to John while Ralph wasn't. Jon said that Ralph is really irked by Stuttering John. Ralph said he's just glad that Howard is saying that John is dead to him.
Gary said he read a weird post by Billy West somewhere where he was saying that he really hates Ralph and that Ralph had once taken a shot at him. Ralph said he's not sure what he did wrong. He said he may have knocked his baseball hat off one time or something like that. He really doesn't remember it at all.
Jim McClure said that Billy was on Jackie's show and talked about how Ralph had pulled his hat off and asked if his hair was real or something. Ralph said he has no memory of that and it's not something he would do. Benjy said that doesn't sound like something he'd do.
Jim said that Billy really hates him over that. Ralph said he's really not sure what that is because he never had a problem with Billy other than thinking that a lot of his voices sound alike.
Ralph said there was something going on with Billy's wife too and she was saying that he wanted Billy to write material for him for free but he never had any act he needed material for so he's not sure what that is either.
Gary said they did an event one time where he tried to put headphones on someone's head and the guy threw the headphones across the room. It turned out that he had a toupee on and he had no idea.
Jon asked Gary how he felt everyone handled it. Gary said he thinks that Artie was very sincere and believable this morning. He said that he thinks that it was feasible and he fell for it. Benjy said he wouldn't have been shocked if he didn't show up. They kind of knew that he was dreading the whole thing so it seems believable to him too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he though Artie was great today. He said that he thinks that they'll look back when the show is off the air and look back as this being the time when Artie started to get well. Gary said that's kind of how he felt too. He said that it was a big step for Artie. Jon said that it does seem that Artie knows what he has to do and they all hope that he does take that step to get better.
Gary said he's not sure why Artie and Jackie are compared to each other. He said that they're two different people and he's not sure why they compare the two. Jon said that it is the same chair. Gary said it's not the same chair though, it's even a different chair.
Another caller said that he'd rather listen to George Takei than listen to Artie. He said they pay for a subscription there and they're paying for a product and when he's not there it's not cool. He said it's bullshit. Gary asked if he would miss Artie if he was gone from the show. The caller said that they need someone in that chair. Gary said that George Takei can't be there because he lives out in California.
The caller said that Artie has to get well and they can't let him keep missing days like this. He said they're too liberal with Artie.
Benjy asked if he resents that he's getting away with it or that the show suffers. The guy said that it's the show suffering that bothers him. He said that he's not bothered that he gets away with it. He said they should give that seat to someone who will appreciate it.
Gary said they have been liberal with Artie but if it works for Howard then that's the way it's going to be. The caller said that it's not okay with him and they need to put someone in that seat. Gary said that they can't just fill that chair with just anyone. He said they tried to fill that seat for a long time and you don't know until you try it if they're right for it.
Jon said that Howard went through a list of conditions for the women Pete would date and he was okay with just about everything but an AIDS infected person.
The guys also talked about Pete's Purple Rain karaoke today. Gary said he thought he was very good and he's seen a lot of people sing karaoke. Jon said that he thought he had a pretty good voice.
Steve Brandano said that Pete sang a Lionel Richie song for them back in the office too. Gary asked if he's gay too. Steeve told him to watch it with that. He said he likes Lionel Richie.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about what the guys told Pete after he talked about the girls he would date. Jon said that he thinks that Pete just went back and went to work after that. Steve said he was kind of worried about what people were saying in the email but he wasn't worried about the picks he made.
The caller said that he found it ironic that Howard told him to go with someone who was into him for him since Howard has a girl who is into him just for his money. Gary didn't think that was the case with her though.
Another caller said that he thought that Pete was Sam Kinison on the show the first time he heard him on the show. Gary said he doesn't get that at all. Benjy said a lot of people think that but they don't hear it there.
The caller said he's working on an Artie puppet and he's going to do some stuff on YouTube with that. Gary thanked him for the call and moved on.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Howard can develop personalities with the people who sit in the studio and he could find someone to replace Artie. Gary said that there were many people who sat in that seat and it just wasn't there. The caller said the person does have to be willing. Benjy said that Artie was a great fit with the show. The caller said that Artie has to be careful because he won't be able to negotiate a contract if he keeps that up. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show saying Artie was there again and so was Robin. Everyone was actually there this morning. Howard said Artie being there is what's most important.
Howard said he went out last night to this Angel Ball with Beth. Howard said this woman Denise Rich works on this charity and she asked Beth to come to it. He said that they raise money for cancer research. Howard said Beth asked him to go with her since she didn't want to go alone. Howard said he hates walking on a red carpet because he looks so ugly. Robin said the last one came out good. Howard said sometimes they come out good and sometimes they're bad.
Howard said he told Beth to put up one of the good ones on her Facebook. He said he was supposed to meet up with his friend Dr. Lou, Howie B and Kenny before the charity thing. Howard said Lou called him and said that there was a health problem in the family that was very serious so he had to cancel. Howard said he had to cancel too so they had to reschedule. Robin said she was looking forward to hearing about that. Howard said they did a lot of nonsense when they were growing up so they would have had a lot to catch up on.
Howard said he took Beth out to dinner and she was practically naked in the outfit she was wearing. Howard said he was all bundled up. They walked the red carpet and Jennifer Hudson was ahead of them. She was on American Idol. Howard said he didn't really say anything to her but she had some tukhus on her. Robin said she thinks she's pregnant. Howard said if she's not she needs to talk to Robin about detox.
Howard said he was walking and got his picture taken. He said he thinks he'll look like shit but he did see some of the pictures and he looked okay in some of them.
Howard said he usually has Toni do his hair for TV but he did his own last night for that charity thing. Howard said he would do his own for TV but it would look frizzy. He said that's the one thing he has to do for TV since he doesn't wear makeup or anything. Howard said he can wear the hair out if he doesn't exercise. He had to shower after working out yesterday.
Howard said he usually gets out of the shower and puts some goo in his hair. That keeps it from getting frizzy. Then he put something else in it to keep it curly. He said even Artie fixes his hair. Artie said he has never done the gel thing but he's been told to try it.
Howard said standing next to Beth is tough. He said that she's so hot that it makes him look even worse. Howard said she came into the bedroom asking how she looked and he told her she looked great and it was going to make him look horrible. She said it wasn't about him and it was about her. Howard said he's the one who has the problem, not her.
Artie said Howard should take him with him instead. Howard said he should take Wendy the Retard. He said that would make him look good. He also mentioned Susan Boyle. Howard said that he actually likes Susan Boyle's cover of ''Wild Horses'' though.
Howard said he went out to eat and had some wine. He said that was crazy for him to be drinking wine in the middle of the week. Robin said he should try it more often. Howard said he got wasted on two glasses since he's such a lightweight. Howard said he doesn't eat much and runs so he gets drunk easy.
Howard said Cyndi Lauper told him he should work out when she was in there the other day. Robin said that was embarrassing. She said that she had Howard make a muscle for her. Howard said he's not going for muscle. He's going for lean. Artie asked if he thinks he's gotten lean. Howard said he still has a bit of a gut. Howard showed him what he has down there. He said he thinks he still looks like an asshole even with all of the working out.
Howard said they ask Beth to do ''glamour shots'' out on the red carpet. Howard said that's code for ''get the ugly guy out of the picture.''
Howard said he saw Gary's cousin Edward at the event last night. He said he spoke to him for a little while. Howard said he saw Denise Rich and stuck around for a little while before getting out of there. Howard said that he was doing a lot of press there too and had a lot of questions in the short time he was there. Howard said Beth just stands there and doesn't get involved unless they ask her something.
Artie said he brought the kid's brother out to talk about where to donate and stuff and he went back out and did a couple more minutes. Artie said he did feel a little more somber after that. He said the crowd was great though.
Artie said that he's starting to lose that ''Fiahh'' thing more and more now. He doesn't want it to be his gimmick anymore.
Howard asked Robin what she did last night. Robin was out to dinner with friends. She said she didn't get to bed until 11 or 12. She was up watching the Yankee game until 12. Artie said that the Yankees have bought a team and they're unstoppable in many ways. Robin said that they do have so much fire power that they're hard to beat.
Howard said that there were many years that they paid for fire power and they didn't get it. He said that they're not always unbeatable just because they have that money.
Artie said that the money does just about guarantee post season play. He said that the last few post seasons have been pretty good for them, except last year. Artie said that A-Rod is hitting and Jeter is being Jeter and they're doing really well.
Robin said they're acting like they like wheat they're doing this season too. Howard said you can see that you can get a Kate Hudson when you play like that.
Robin said there was a sideline guy talking to A-Rod and he was towering over this guy. Robin said that she was thinking about little Kate Hudson with him and how tiny she must look next to her.
Howard took a call from a woman who welcomed Artie back and told Robin she loves her. She also said that Jennifer Hudson had a baby already and she's been hiding it. She said she saw her on Jay Leno last year and saw that she put some pounds on. The woman said that she's been hiding the fact that she had that baby. Howard said that Jennifer did have a pretty face, she just needs to lose a few pounds. Howard had to hang up on that woman because she was giving him a headache. It was too much talking for him.
Howard said he has some girls for Medicated Pete that they might be able to hook him up with. Howard said he was thinking about calling some of them to do a pre-screening on them. Robin said that they may need to find out if they have personalities.
Howard heard that Sal and Richard call Pete ''Pete the Meat'' because they think he has a big penis. Howard said all they think about is penis back there.
Howard said he was telling Pete about getting laid and how he might want to think about dating this dwarf. He said that she might be willing to hang out with him but he thinks that Pete might draw the line there. Robin said she thought he was okay with that.
Howard said they might have to call the dwarf woman and maybe some of the hot girls too. Howard read one of the letters they got and this woman said that she found him cute and wanted to blow him. Robin said that they have to talk to her because she might be full of it.
Howard said he would call this girl himself but he can't figure out the phone system. Howard said he had four years to learn it and he hasn't yet. They're almost out of there so he doesn't need to learn it now.
Howard said this girl is insanely cute. He said it's ridiculous how cute she is. She had a picture with her friend too. While that was going on Robin told Howard that Jennifer Hudson did have a baby and it was a son. Howard said she needs to lose some weight.
Howard had Pete come in so he could do the screening with him in there. Robin said she loves when Pete comes in because he just about falls into the room. Artie said he likes how he says ''huh'' after what he says. Pete was having problems with the headphones so Scott the Engineer had to come in and fix it. Robin laughed when he came in because Pete was laughing at him. Scott thought that was Pete's Tourettes but Pete said he was actually laughing.
Howard said someone sent in a picture of Pete and said he looks like Beavis from Beavis and Butt-Head. Howard said someone picked up on that.
Gary told Howard he had Tori on the phone. She's the super hot chick who said she wanted to blow Pete. Tori said that she's the one with the glasses in the picture and she's 21 years old. She said she's going to Michigan State. Howard said she's smokin' hot. He asked if she gets tons of guys. She said she does.
Howard asked Tori if she would blow Pete. She said that she'd have to see how it goes first but probably yes. Howard told Pete that she's really hot and he's never even come close to getting someone like that.
Howard asked Tori if she really has interest in him based on what she's heard on the show. She said that she believes in doing good deeds since that's what her religion believes in. She said that's what this would be.
Howard found out that Tori is 5'10'' tall so he asked her if she's ever modeled. She said she's been told she should but she's been too busy with school. Pete is only 5'5'' tall but the height thing doesn't bother him. Howard asked if that would bother Tori. She said she doesn't mind either.
Gary said the note she sent is interesting. She says that she would totally blow him and she'd fuck him in the note and now she's saying she doesn't know. Howard said he already read that and she's just saying that if things go well she would do that.
Tori said she's 125 pounds and Pete is only 118. Howard said that 5'10'' and 125 is perfect. Howard said she must have a perfect body. She said that it is pretty good. Robin said she's like a tall Jennifer Aniston.
Howard asked Tori if she ever does chicks. She said that she made out with a girl and the girl went down on her one time. She said that she orgasmed that time. Howard said this chick is wild. Artie said it's worth a shot to him.
Howard asked Pete what he's thinking. Pete said it was shocking to him and it might be too good to be true. He said it was kind of freaking him out. Pete could only say ''Wow!'' to it all. Howard said she's sexy as hell. He said that she has been into lesbianism too. Howard asked when she lost her virginity. She said it was at 20. She's only been with two guys.
Howard asked if she's ever had a load blown in her face. She said one guy did and it went right in her eye. She said it burned for a couple of days. Howard told Pete not to blow his load in her eye.
Howard asked Tori if she had someone next to her forcing her to answer like this. She said she didn't. Howard told Tori she's really cute and they'll get back to her soon. Howard said they hope to see her down there soon.
Howard said that she's so hot that it makes you suspicious. Pete said it does seem too good to be true. Artie told Pete that they did a dial-a-date in there for him once. He picked a really cute 23 year old and on the date she clearly wasn't into him. He said that he found out she had a boyfriend and all of that.
Howard told Pete that the girl in the wheelchair is cute and she might be the right choice for him. Howard told Gary to give her a call so they can talk to her too. Howard told Pete that he might be able to get disability while she goes out and makes a living.
Howard asked Pete if he would date someone in a wheelchair. Pete said he's not bringing anyone down so he might go out with someone like that. Pete said he would give her a shot. Howard said Pete is a big star on radio now. He said that he doesn't have any companions and if he met this chick in real life he might want to bang her.
Howard asked Pete if he's lonely. Pete said he is. Howard said this chick would give him companionship. He said he can't do this every week. He can only do it one time. Howard said that he has to find someone who might be able to stay with him.
Gary got that wheelchair chick's voice mail. Gary said she's a law student. Howard said that they have that dwarf chick too. Howard said she's got a pretty face. Her name was Lyla. Artie said he thinks he met that chick at a gig he did last year. He said she came up and sat on his lap at the book signing and then went on SternFanNetwork and called him a dirt bag, heroin addict. He said he thinks that she's such a fan that she might give him some satisfaction.
Howard said he has to talk to the chick who went to jail for grand larceny. He said if they don't get Lyla on the phone then they'll have to talk to that chick.
Gary had Lyla on the phone so Howard picked up on her. Howard asked if Artie was right about her calling him a dirt bag heroin addict. She said that she didn't do that. Artie said someone told him that's what she did but she denied it.
Lyla told Howard that there is something charming about Pete and she'd like to give it a try. She said guys aren't exactly knocking down her door. She said she's 3'11'' tall and she has dated taller men before. Howard asked Pete if he would take her out to dinner and stuff. Pete said he would do that and he wouldn't be embarrassed.
Howard asked Lyla if she's got some shape. She said she does have the shape of a woman. She said she understands that the ultimate goal is to get Pete laid. Howard said he's trying to find him some companionship. Lyla said that's what she might be able to give him. Lyla is 30 and said that she has been in relationships before. Artie said she is pretty adorable and she does have a sexiness about her.
Howard said she looks like Jenny McCarthy from the head up. She said she's been told she looks like Cheryl from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Artie said she's better off going with the Jenny McCarthy thing.
Howard asked if she has a normal life expectancy. She said that as long as she does everything properly she does. She doesn't smoke and she eats right so she should be fine. Howard said she has the face of Jenny McCarthy and the body of Charlie McCarthy so he likes the combo. Howard said she has a cute voice too.
Lyla said that she works at a newspaper up in Hartford. She said she's an executive assistant up there. Robin said she thinks that she's a good candidate.
Howard asked Lyla when she last got laid. She said that it was in July and it was a regular sized guy. Lyla said that she doesn't date little guys usually because it's kind of hard to find a little person who doesn't have a sense of entitlement like he should get her just because she's little too.
Howard asked Lyla if she's ever had a guy rest a beer on her head while she blew them. She said that's never happened to her. Howard said this chick sounds like a cool chick and Pete should think about going out with her. Howard said that Pete might want to think about taking her to the Connecticut School of Broadcasting prom. Pete said there isn't a prom there.
Pete said he's been going to school there for a couple of years but Artie said it wasn't a full college and he only went there for a few months. Pete gave an explanation about going to other schools and how that place went out of business for a while so that's why it's been so long.
Artie told a story about going to that school and how one of the students had a flashback to something that happened to him when they were talking about the movie Platoon and the guy ended up leaving the class.
Howard told Lyla that he likes her a lot. She said that she likes Howard a lot. Artie asked if he could have banged her that night he met her. She said probably not. Howard let her go a short time later.
Ralph called in and said that he'd like to go out with her. He said she sounds cute and fucked up too. Ralph said he would date a dwarf just for the fun of it. Artie said that's really nice for her.
Howard asked Pete what he thought about it. Pete said he was letting it all sink in. He said it was tough to pick on the fly like this. Howard said that Pete is usually the guy in the bar standing in a corner ticking. Pete said he's usually pretty social and the life of the party. Howard said Pete has been ignored most of his life but now he's George Clooney all of a sudden. Howard said he has like 10 chicks fighting over him.
Howard told Ralph that he had that really hot chick too. Ralph told Pete to pick her then. Howard said they wanted to make sure she was real before he picked her.
Howard said they should talk to the grand larceny chick. Gary said that the hot chick didn't have much of a personality but the little person did. Howard said that's usually the way it goes. Robin said that Pete is looking for companionship. Ralph told him to just go for the sex. Howard said that they got JD laid once and he's still alone. Howard said that JD got some stank on him and he's still trying to get more. Howard said if Pete can get a chick in a relationship then he could be getting it all the time.
Howard asked Pete if he's still living with his mom. He said he is but he doesn't bring up his personal life with her. Pete said he doesn't say much to her about what's going on in his life.
Gary said he got the grand larceny chick's voice mail. Howard said he had another chick who wasn't that good looking but she might be willing to be in a relationship with Pete. Ralph told him he should go out and have some fun first instead. Howard said Pete doesn't have a good chance at doing that. He said that this shot they're giving him is something he should try to get a wife out of.
Howard showed Pete some more pictures of another chick. Artie wanted to see them too. Howard said he's going to call a bunch and have them come down there. Ralph said they should get him a couple of dates instead of just one. Howard said it's the dating game though. Ralph said they could make it a Bachelor-like show where he meets and hangs out with a bunch of chicks for a few days before making a pick. He said they could call it ''The Medicated Bachelor.''
Howard checked out some other pictures of the girls and found one who looked like she'd be Letterman's type. Artie agreed with him on that. Pete said she was kind of cute.
Howard had a picture of the chick and she wasn't that hot. Gary said he's pretty sure that Letterman wouldn't even do her. Howard said that he's pretty sure Letterman would go after her. Howard said the guy must be in his 50s.
Gary said they're saying that there might be a Letterman sex tape. They may have had some security cameras going when Letterman hooked up with a chick in the studio after hours.
Howard read the letter that this chick wrote to Steve Phillips wife. She tells the wife about how he's been seeing her for a while and how she's a close friend who works with him on a regular basis. She goes into detail about the places they were having sex at and how they text all day long about sex and things. She's saved a lot of the stuff he sent to her. Howard said this chick is a chubby, plain chick who lucked out and found this guy who was into her.
Howard read more of the note that she wrote and she was giving every little detail about what they shred. She was rubbing it in about the way he treated her over his wife. She was also claiming that she wasn't doing this to hurt the wife.
Howard said he can't imagine getting that letter as the wife. Howard said the chick was parked in the driveway and she ended up ramming her car into the stanchions at the house.
Howard read the article about the possible Letterman sex tape. They're saying that they might be trying to get rid of Letterman with this tape. He said he doesn't think they'd get rid of him over something like that though.
Howard said he doesn't believe that Letterman would make love in public. Howard said he can't imagine he'd do that out on stage. Howard said he doesn't believe that there is a sex tape at all. Howard said there is no way Letterman is taking a broad out of that secret room. Robin said they didn't believe that Dave would be cheating on his wife either a few weeks ago.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's worried about the whole Pete thing. He said that he thinks that they need to get Pete set up for disappointment. He said that the relationship thing might not work out. Howard said they probably do need to warn him about it. It could fail and he could possibly get laid and maybe it won't work out. Howard said it won't be any worse for Pete if he does get laid and it doesn't work out.
Howard asked Pete if he wants them to just pick the four girls. Howard said he thinks they should pick them. Pete wanted to pick them himself. Howard said he might not pick the good ones. Howard said he'll let Pete be in on the picking. Howard said he wants the midget chick and the grand larceny chick in there too.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing Blue Iris audio clips. Pete didn't seem to know who she was and the fact that she's dead. They had her trying to have phone sex with him. Pete said he could envision her now and asked if she had a nice body. Howard said that Pete was really bad at phone sex. He was talking over her and she was talking over him.
Pete and Blue Iris went back and forth for a couple of minutes. Pete told Howard to bring her down there too. Howard said they'll do the dating game next week. Artie told someone to get a shovel and get Blue Iris down there. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. Lisa was at the press line at the Angel Ball last night. Howard said he was in a 3 piece suit yesterday. Lisa asked if that beard was one day's growth. Howard said it's a few days and Beth asked him to do that. Howard said he's doing a Don Johnson kind of look for her. Lisa said she finds it kind of sexy. Howard said Beth does too. Robin said she can only see the top of his eyes.
Lisa said she spoke to Patricia Field and she thinks that Howard's look is good for him. Howard said that this is the Miami Vice look without the Don Johnson good looks. Howard said he wanted people to think that it was just part of his look. Fred played the Miami Vice theme song while Howard was talking about that.
Howard said he wants to bring Lisa G back to his office and do her in his office. He said that he doesn't have a bed in there so they'd have to use a chair so he hopes she doesn't mind her head banging against the window. Artie laughed and said that's a great image. Fred played some sound effects to create the image.
Howard said JD would hear everything back there if he did something like that. Fred did an impression of JD as they were talking about that.
Howard said that he'd like to have a day bed back there in the office. He said he goes back there to ''work'' which is actually taking a nap. Howard said he ants management to think he's using it for work though. Howard said he crouches down on the chair and puts his head on the arm rest and puts his legs on the wooden table. He said he keeps his feet up on that and it's all scratched up from his shoes.
Howard said he should take a picture of the position he lays in for the web site. Howard told Lisa that he wouldn't be able to do her in a normal way back there.
Howard said he uses his office for sleeping 90 percent of the time so he really needs a bed in there. he said the other 10 percent of the time when he has a meeting he usually meets with Mel. Howard said he could have Mel sit on the side of the bed instead.
Howard said his office looks really nice. He said he decorated it with Pottery Barn stuff when they first moved there. Howard said he had a few thousand bucks to spend on that office and he did it all with the Pottery Barn stuff. Now he wants a bed though.
Howard said he's the only one in the building who has an office with walls. Everyone else has glass walls. Howard said that Mel has told him that he wouldn't have designed it that way if he was there when they started the company.
Gary said that they have these private meetings there but all of the offices and conference rooms are glass walled so you can see anyone that's in there. Gary said that they sometimes conduct job interviews at the tables in the lobby out there. He said that he saw someone from K-Rock having an interview in the lobby before they got there. He said that she begged him not to tell anyone because she was horrified when she saw him walk in.
Howard said he doesn't want glass walls there because JD would end up watching him nap. Artie said that it's cool for the people looking in but it's disconcerting for the people in the offices.
Howard said that he's gone up to see Mel and the secretary will tell him he's in a meeting but he can see Mel sitting there alone. He said that she'll tell him he's on a phone meeting but then he sees that he's not even on the phone. Howard said nothing is confidential there.
Howard said you can't lean back and play with your balls in your office. Lisa told Howard to stop while he was talking about all of this. Howard said it's like being in Wonder Woman's plane working there.
Howard said that they have a glass wall there but they covered it all up with curtains. Howard said he doesn't want anyone seeing what he's doing. Howard said he plays with the head of his penis while he reads the live commercials. Howard said it gives him his powers.
Robin said JD was in there and scratched his balls on the way out. She asked him what's up with that. Howard said guys have to do that stuff.
Gary said that he gives tours to people there and there is no way to not meet Ross or Tim because their meetings are all in glass walled offices. Gary said he has an office that has glass walls that are frosted so you can't see through it. Howard said Ross has a door on his glass office and that's pretty pointless.
Robin said that she'll take people on tours and Mel has met just about every one of her friends up there. She said that he can't avoid them because of the glass walls.
Howard said he's thinking about buying a bed for his office. Howard said he's not going to be banging anyone back there though. He said he's not like Letterman. He said that he wants a real bed but not a day bed like Letterman had. Robin said he had a fold out couch, not even a day bed. Howard said he thinks that Dave would have the bed pulled out already for the girls before they even got up there. Howard said he imagines him telling the girls he just rests on the bed and that's where he writes the Top 10 lists.
Howard said he'd like to know who came up with the fold out bed from the couch. Howard said it's an old concept.
Howard asked Lisa if she would sleep with a guy who had a fold out couch like that. Lisa said he would have in college but not now. Howard said that must be why Dave is sleeping with interns. Howard did an impression of what it would be like if Robin was in that couch bed with a guy.
Howard asked Robin what she did with her recamier. Robin said she still has that. Artie had no idea what it was. Howard said it's like a love seat without a back. He said it's like a half couch. He said it's really nice. Robin said it's beautiful too. Howard asked if she's made love on that thing. Robin paused and said ''probably.''
Howard said Robin once told him that his furniture was sexy. He said that he'd like Robin to come over and tell Beth what's sexy so he can get Beth to fuck him on every piece of furniture in the house. Robin said he has a lot of stuff built into his house that's sexy. She said there's a piece of stone in his house that's sexy. Howard said that must be in his bathroom. Robin said that it wasn't that, it was something else. Robin said that things are sensual and the stone she saw was very nice.
Robin said that she walked into a hotel one time and said that it was horrible because it wasn't sexual at all. She said that she asked the front desk if all of the rooms were like that because it was horrible. Howard said he'd like to paddle Robin with his antique chess board.
Howard asked Lisa if she looks at furniture like that. Lisa said no. Howard asked Robin what the stone was that she was talking about. Robin said it was the stone on the island in the kitchen. She said she can imagine having sex on there. Howard said they only have sex in bed and sometimes in the closet. Howard told Robin to talk to Beth about that.
Fred was doing his Jim Florentine impression during that discussion. He was joking around about getting oral on an Ottoman.
Howard said he knew that Robin was sexual when she said that she could have an orgasm from her foot. Robin said she told him a story about swinging her foot with her legs crossed and having an orgasm from that. Lisa has never had that happen to her.
Gary said he knew a woman who could sit on her foot and get off. He said he'd tell Howard who that was later on. Fred did his JD impression and said that he puts his toe in his ass to check for prostate cancer.
Lisa got to her news preview and said she had some quotes from Howard from that red carpet event. She said that Howard was kind of tipsy and he was talking about how he will probably be doing radio for a little longer. Howard said he has another year to go so he'll be sticking around for that year.
Lisa said she spoke to Kathie Lee Gifford. She found out she has SIRIUS XM radio. Howard said he never really liked Kathie Lee so he's glad he didn't run into her. Howard had some audio of Lisa talking to Kathie Lee and she said that they had some history but Kathie said she had no history with him at all. Lisa asked if she would come on the show and Kathie said no to that.
Howard said Kathie got irritated with Lisa. He said you could hear that in the clip. Howard said that's a touchy thing with Kathie Lee and Frank. Howard said he used to talk about what was going on with Frank every day when it was going on. He said that Kathie Lee tries to be nice to him but she must hate him.
Lisa said that they introduced Lisa to Star Jones as Howard Stern's news team and she was refusing to speak to her. Lisa said that Star eventually spun her around and told her ''no funny stuff'' and then talked about how great Robin is. Lisa said Star was happy that Howard was there helping them raise money. Lisa said she asked Star what was going on with her and she didn't have much going on and she was just ''doing me.''
Howard said he felt bad for Lisa being on the press line. Lisa said that the dot com people are taking over and beating out radio for press time. Howard said that's what he found when he was on the carpet. Howard said that radio is falling below even the internet. Howard said they might be behind regular radio. Lisa said that she was last in line last night so she was kind of bummed out about that. Howard said they're on ground breaking technology so they're going to get no respect.
Lisa was just about crying over that. She said that she gets kind of bummed out about that. Howard said that she shouldn't worry about it. Lisa thinks that she should be in front of CNN on those lines.
Jackie was telling jokes and the other guys in the scene were telling Jackie he couldn't do dirty material at this event they hired him for. They bring up Howard Stern in the scene so Howard talked about how his name always got brought up when Jackie would go off and do these awful projects.
Howard and the guys were goofing on Jackie for a couple of minutes during that audio clip. They were all doing their Jackie impressions and making fun of his lines and the way he tells his jokes.
Howard wondered if the scene was improvised or scripted. He hoped that it was improvised because the lines were pretty lame.
Robin thought that Chuck Zito was in that clip but Gary said it wasn't him. Howard didn't think it was him either. Howard said that guy wasn't half the actor that Chuck Zito is. Howard said they should have a contest to see who could last longer through that awful movie.
Howard said they have to go to break but they have Clarence Clemons coming in. Howard played an old clip of Clarence on the show one time where he was sweet talking Robin trying to get a date with her. Howard said the look on her face was great back then. He said that he remembers that day and the look on her face like she wanted nothing to do with him. Howard said she was very respectful at the time and she didn't want to offend him. Robin said that Howard just let it roll and didn't bother trying to stop him. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Clarence Clemons was there. He had him come in a short time later. Howard said that Clarence was wearing a Jewish star so he wondered what that was about. Clarence said that he has a lot of Jewish friends. He said it's a spiritual thing too.
Howard asked Clarence about this book he wrote that he claims is true and not true. The white pages are facts and the grey pages are kind of made up stuff according to Clarence. Clarence said that it could have been or something that could have happened.
Howard said he read that he met Bruce in 1971 on the Jersey shore and he knew how great the guy was. He ended up leaving his wife and kids because he knew that it was his calling to go out and tour with this guy. Howard asked Clarence about being married 5 times. Clarence said he thinks he's gotten it this time. He said he thinks he found the right woman. Clarence said that he believes in that love at first sight thing.
Howard asked Clarence about the nail polish he had on. He said it matches his horn and he feels naked when he doesn't wear it.
Howard said he saw Clarence recently when he was out on tour with Bruce. He said that's coming to an end soon though. Howard said he knows that they've been touring forever. Clarence talked about the time when Bruce got another band going and left the rest of them behind. Clarence said he was pissed about that but he understands what Bruce was doing.
Howard said that they're saying that this is the end of the E Street Band and they won't see them on stage for a while. Clarence said that might last for a while but Bruce will see that he needs them again in the future. He said it's a lifetime commitment to the band.
Howard said Bruce probably wanted to go out on the road and keep some money for himself. Clarence said he has never bad mouthed Bruce because the guy has been great to him all these years.
Howard read about what Redd Foxx had said to Clarence one time. Howard said Redd told him to watch Bruce because he's a white man and he has to keep an eye on guys like that. Howard read that Redd told him that white men look at the world different than a black man does. Howard said Redd was trying to fuck his head up. Clarence said he didn't even know Bruce was white.
Howard said he must have been shocked when Redd Foxx said that to him. Clarence said that nothing shocked him about what Redd Foxx said. The guy was angry at the world. Clarence said a lot of black people don't trust white people.
Howard asked Clarence what's going on with his knees. Clarence said he had his knees replaced and his legs straightened so there is some pain there. He said that should go away eventually. He has back problems too though. Clarence said he's all fucked up. He said he'll be around for a long time though and he wants his fans to know that.
Clarence said he was on a narcotic that really wiped him out. He couldn't remember the name of it though. He said he forgot to bring his brain in with him.
Howard went over Clarence's history and talked about him playing football in college. Clarence also said he wanted to talk about the car accident he was in and how bad that was. Clarence said that his motor mounts broke in the car he was driving and the car just took off. He said the car was doing about 90 miles per hour and he tried to lift the accelerator. He ended up hitting a tree. Clarence said that he knows he was dead and that's what they say happened to him. He hit the tree, the car wrapped around the next tree and he was just laying there. He said it was very peaceful when he was laying there and he felt himself hovering above his body and this white guy came over and said ''he's gone.'' Clarence said he was watching all of this going on from above and he felt so good. Clarence said he could give up and just experience that for eternity. Clarence said he was given the chance to go back so that's exactly what he did.
Clarence said he's not sure who he was talking to but figured it was just the spirit of life. He said he's not sure if the guy was Caucasian or not. Clarence said that he was walking to the light but ended up going back and ended up waking up in the hospital.
Clarence said that he gained knowledge about youth and he's been doing meditation and stuff so he can concentrate on the good things in life. He said he found the fountain of youth and it's in your mind. Howard said he figured it was all of the pussy he got out on the road.
Howard asked Clarence about how blessed he's been with his talent and how maybe that's why his life is good and maybe other people's lives aren't that good. Clarence said that he's out there trying to spread the joy of life around.
Howard said that it's easy for Clarence to be youthful because he's not working in the mines like some people are. Clarence said that anyone can do what he does. He said that it's not just being lucky. He said you have to have faith in your life and you also have to stop drinking.
Howard asked if the guys in the band hang out at all. Clarence said that they really don't hang out at all and they never really have. He said that they occasionally have a drink or something but it's not a regular thing. He said he has been invited over to Bruce's house to visit and things but not that often.
Clarence said that he and Bruce have been so close that his girlfriend told him that they were gay. Artie said if that was true he was going to leap off a building.
Howard said that Clarence and Bruce were close like brothers at one point. Now they don't hang out that much. Clarence said that he's still pretty close to the guy and his family. Howard said he thinks that it's Patty that doesn't like him. Howard said maybe she doesn't like black people. Howard said Redd Foxx did warn him about that.
Howard said he read that Clarence has 4 kids and they range in age from 11 to 42. Clarence said that's right. Robin sounded shocked by that.
Robin said that she learned that they went to the same school. Clarence didn't know that. He said he would have banged Robin if he had the chance.
Howard asked Clarence if his brother is jealous of him. Howard read that his brother is a saxophone player as well. Clarence said that he's a very spiritual person too and he's not jealous of him either. Clarence said that they're still very close and they talk all the time.
Howard said Springsteen is 60 years old. Clarence said that he's still like a kid to him. Howard said Clarence is 67 years old.
Howard said Clarence talks about road pussy in the book. Howard read a quote from Clarence about how easy it was to get girls on the road. It was possible to have a different girl every 5 minutes. It was too much at times. Clarence said that he did attract a lot of women. He said it wasn't the whole band though.
Howard said Clarence talks about how he hated the original drummer in the band. Clarence said he thinks that guy hated him. He said that Vinnie ''Mad Dog'' Lopez actually played with them last night though. Howard asked if he secretly tells the guy that he's a dumb fuck and he's still in the band while that guy isn't. Clarence said he has no malice for the guy and doesn't hate him.
Howard asked if the guy pretends to be his friend now. Clarence said that he kind of does that but they get along now. Clarence said that Vinnie felt kind of threatened when he joined the band because he and Bruce were so close.
Howard asked Clarence about why Bruce doesn't take more advantage of the chicks on the road. Clarence said he doesn't know that he didn't. He said he didn't follow him around that much so he's not sure what was going on there. Howard asked about his wife Patty and what she's like. Clarence didn't have anything bad to say about her. He said he loves her. Howard asked if she's ever said anything nice to him. Clarence had to think about that for a minute. He said she's never said anything bad about him.
Howard asked Clarence if he and Bruce could be any closer than they are. Clarence said that if they were any closer there would have to be sex going on and he doesn't go that way so that won't be happening.
Howard said Clarence calls out Bill Cosby in his book an said that he's not the nicest guy. Clarence said he's from the same school as Redd Foxx is. He said that he's very opinionated about stuff. Howard asked what he said to him. Clarence said he didn't say anything to him but then said that he did have some advice that a brother would give a brother. He said it's in the book but he didn't want to tell him. He told Howard he has to read the book to find out.
Howard wanted to know what it was but Clarence wasn't saying exactly what it was. Clarence said that he did give him some advice for how to take advantage of the situation he was in. Robin figured he was telling him to leave the band.
Howard said when you get famous people have advice for you and he's glad that he didn't listen to everyone and stayed in that position. Clarence said that he had to do what he thought was right.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn and gave Clarence a plug for his book ''Big Man: Real Life & Tall Tales.'' Mariann said she saw the band in 1976 for the first time.
Howard asked Clarence if they're ever going to appear on American Idol. Clarence said he wouldn't do that. Howard said Bruce must look down on that show because they're above all of that. Clarence said that it is pretty much nothing.
Howard asked if he was surprised that Bruce played at the Super Bowl. He said he wasn't surprised by that at all. He said Bruce made that decision himself and they all went along with it.
Howard read about some of the stuff that Clarence demands at each concert. The demands included a joint, knee braces and Botox injections. He said he takes those for his back pain.
Howard read that Clarence had a heart attack and that's what kept him from smoking weed anymore. Clarence said that's not true. He said he has a pacemaker now but he's not afraid to smoke weed. He said he just doesn't want to do that stuff anymore. Clarence said he never asked for weed back stage like that. Howard said he thought they got that from his book but Clarence said he never wrote that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Clarence how many girls he's banged. Clarence said he has no idea. He said that he had 6 in one day one time. He said that was all at the same time. Clarence said he banged all six of them too. He said he watched a lot too.
Howard asked if he thinks that Bruce did that kind of stuff too. Clarence said he's not sure about that. Howard said he must have seen him doing stuff on the tour bus. Clarence said he had his own tour bus so he's never seen anything. Howard said he had to have seen something.
The caller said that he heard that Patty is the biggest cunt in the world. Clarence said that he had to hang up on this guy. Clarence said he doesn't know about that. He said that these guys are guys who have no life and have to stir up shit.
Howard asked Clarence if he ever knocked anyone up accidentally. Clarence said that he has but he had the kid. That's the 11 year old that's his fourth son. He said that his condom broke. Howard asked if that was scary to him at the time. Clarence said he didn't know it happened until 3 years after the kid was born. He said he got a letter from a lawyer who was telling him about it.
Clarence said that this cop came into a gig where he was working and they had an arrest order. Clarence said that they were going to take him off stage and right to jail. Clarence said they were arresting him for not paying support but he didn't even know he had this kid. He said the kid is very special and he still sees the mother to this day.
Howard asked if the mother was white. Clarence said that she was Caucasian. He also told Howard how he met the kid the first time. He said the kid came running to him yelling ''Daddy'' and it was great. He said he's still close with the kid and he was out on the road with them in Europe. He said the kid is 11 and he's in a band and they jam so hard it's unbelievable. He said that the guitar player plays like Van Halen. He said the kid is fantastic and he's only been playing for one year.
Irish John called in and asked if he ever gets creeped out by guys who cry at the shows and hold up signs requesting songs. He was referring to Ross Zapin. Howard told Clarence about Ross and how crazy he can get about the whole thing. Howard said he's almost possessed. Howard said Ross would probably blow Clarence if he wanted.
Clarence said it's great to see people that enthusiastic about what they do. He said that he loves bringing joy to people like that.
Howard took one more call for Clarence and gave him some more plugs for his book signing and for the book. The caller asked if he shaves and if he has a big cock. He was asking for Robin since she never got to see that. Howard asked if she missed out on a big penis. Clarence said that he is pretty large and he's thick too. Howard asked if he's ever met a woman who can't fit him in. He said that hasn't happened and all women give it a try. He said Robin missed out on that.
Howard told Clarence about Robin masturbating with vegetables and meats when she was growing up. She used frozen hot dogs and things like that. Clarence said that sounds cold to him. He said that Robin was blushing after that.
Howard asked Clarence how many inches he has. He said that it's between 8 and 9. He said it's not the meat, it's the motion.
Gary said he was in the green room and Clarence's assistant was in there with her hands over her ears going ''LA, LA, LA'' so she didn't have to hear this.
Howard gave Clarence some more plugs and started to wrap up with him a short time later. Howard asked if he sticks around to sign everything for everyone. Clarence said that he does that and he will shake hands too. Artie thanked him for all the years of entertainment.
Howard ended up asking Clarence about his wife. Clarence said that he's trying to have a baby now but he'll be retired for a while so he'll be able to spend some time with the kid. He said he's going to do some writing and maybe some acting gigs too. He said he's going to slow down and enjoy life a bit. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he hasn't seen Sammy Hagar in a while. He said he must be busy. Howard went on to read about reporter Bill Ritter saying ''cock'' on the air. He had the audio of that so he played that quickly. Ritter was trying to say ''top cop'' but said ''top cock'' instead.
Howard said that Tori Amos has a song out and people think that she's making a show reference. She says ''Baba Booey'' in the song. The song is called ''You Belong to Me.'' Howard played some of that and she's definitely saying what sounds like ''Baba Booey'' in there. Robin said that it's not something that you'd sing normally. She said she must be singing about Baba Booey. Howard replayed it and it was Baba Booey but she was singing it.
Howard said she didn't make any big teeth references in the song so that's the only thing missing. Robin said she thinks that she was inspired by the show. Fred threw in some opera singers that sang Baba Booey too.
A woman called in and said that there was a story about how Howard has been getting angry at Jay for ripping him off. They talked about the chicken and the Jay Walking and the working for a plug things that they've ripped off. She read some of that to Howard and they had a poll where 68 percent of the people thought Leno's show was ripping him off.
Howard said that he'd just like the guy to admit he steals from his show. He said Letterman did that and admitted it.
Howard asked JD if he had any news feeds about this story. He said there are stories about it going on out there. JD said it's this one guy out there in Chicago who does the same story every hour. He thinks that they got the story off of AOL like that caller did.
Steve said that Artie's Rochester show has been canceled and Ass Napkin Ed has already spent his money that he got from hawking the backstage tickets that he got. Steve said that Artie is putting out a DVD soon and it's going to feature a picture of Artie and Bob Levy on the cover. Howard asked about that and Artie said it's just a funny picture of him and Bob that he wanted to use. He said it's called ''Jack and Coke'' and it'll be out next month.
Howard asked how many guys used to put interns on their show and have them going out and asking questions. Howard said that's what he started too. He said that he's not sure if he's out of line about that or not. Jon Hein said he's not at all.
Howard said Stuttering John was doing the celebrity questions before Ross the Intern was doing it on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Howard said Jay initially wanted John to do that for his show and wanted him to bring his tapes with him when he appeared on the show.
Steve said they have a story about Dante the intern who has cone out of the closet and had Joey Boots asking him out.
Melrose Larry Green called in with Jay Leno's ratings. He said that he's rated at number 74 out of 91 shows rated. Howard thanked him for that info and let him go. He said it was good to hear from him once in a while.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They talked about Clarence a little bit and how he didn't seem to be getting along with Bruce's wife Patty. Artie said he didn't think he was hiding that at all in the interview.
The guys ended up talking about phones during that discussion. Howard said he loves his new Blackberry Tour so Robin figured she had to go out and get one now. Howard said AT&T lost him as a customer because of the crappy signal he was getting with his previous Blackberry phone. He said they really have to do something about that.
Howard had taken some pictures of Beth with his new Blackberry Tour so he showed them to the guys in the studio. Artie checked out the phone too and said it looks nicer than his Blackberry does.
Robin said they had to have a conversation about who the craziest person is in the news room. She said that Lisa was tearing up about being last in line at the red carpet.
Howard said Wolfie came up with a questionnaire for the staff and they all have to fill it out and they'll read it anonymously. Howard said the questions are brutal too so it should be pretty bad. There were questions like ''Who's the laziest person on the staff?'' and things like that. There was a question about who has the worst breath and Howard said that he was going to fill in Gary but he knew of someone else who had even worse breath. Howard said he has to stay away from that person. He said it might be good that they're doing this because that person will know they have bad breath.
Robin started her news with a story about George Lopez starting his own late night show on TBS. Howard said that's not really late night. He said he needs to be on a network to have a ''real'' late night show. Howard said he loves George but that's not the right place to be doing a late night show. Robin said Wanda Sykes is doing one too. Howard said that the way things are going Sanjaya will have a late night show too. Howard said that they're going to run of guests if they keep bringing more and more shows out like this.
Robin read about the story they discussed earlier in the show about Steve Phillips. Howard said that won't make guys think twice about cheating even as bad as this is turning out to be.
Howard took a call from John Boy who had some stuff to say about Artie working things out and coming back on the show. He was also asking Robin if she was going to wear any revealing costumes. Howard asked if she's going to do that for them. Robin said that she won't be doing that. She said she has no plans to do anything like that. She won't be going to any parties that she knows of.
The caller said that Robin was in an old Playboy magazine that he pulled out from about 15 years ago. Robin said she didn't remember doing that. Howard didn't remember it either. John Boy said she was wearing red lingerie in the picture too and asked if she thinks she's in better shape now than she was then. Robin didn't think she even did that.
Robin read a story about Bernard Kerik who has been thrown into jail for receiving gifts for awarding contracts to people he knew. Howard said he feels bad for the guy. Howard said he went to dinner with the guy and Judith Regan a couple of times. Howard said he didn't know they were a couple at the time either.
Robin read about Hulk Hogan's new book. Hulk talks about his divorce and his son getting into the accident and how he considered suicide himself. Hulk claims that he downed some Xanax and put a gun to his head. Robin said that Hulk went through some tough times back then.
Robin read about a kid who was planning to bomb his school after being bullied about looking like another school bomber.
Robin read about Bernie Madoff and how he spent some of the money he was stealing from people. He was apparently using it for parties.
Howard had a guy on the phone who says his mistress wrote his wife a note. Howard picked up on that guy and asked him about that. The guy said he's a truck driver and he met a broad who he was cheating with. He said he broke up with her and she got access to his email and mailed his 16 year old daughter. The guy said he wanted to do bodily harm to that chick. Howard said if he were a truck driver he wouldn't give out his real name. The guy said that he's a straight shooter so he doesn't do stuff like that. The guy said that you have to watch what you do when it comes to stuff like that. Howard said he likes the way Letterman did things because he kept everyone in his circle.
Robin read a story about how more than 10,000 children died of child abuse from 2001 to 2007. Robin had some details about that story that she went through even though she knows that people hate when she does stories like that.
Robin read that the Miss USA pageant people are suing Carrie Prejean and asking for their money back. They paid for her breast job so they want their money back.
Robin said that the FAA may want a piece of the balloon boy's parents. They're investigating them for their experimental balloon. Howard said they're going to throw the book at this guy. Robin read about the Heene family and how they got into trouble after this balloon hoax came out. Robin had some audio of Richard Heene's 911 call where he was crying and saying that his 6 year old might be in the balloon. The wife was in on it too so she was on the 911 call as well. Howard said they're pretty good actors to be able to pull off the crying bit. He said they sound kind of like Jackie acting. Howard said the dad was actually really bad when you really listen to the call. He said the wife was a better actress.
Robin read about Roman Polanski's arrest and how he may return to the U.S. voluntarily now. Howard said this guy makes him out to be a victim but they really have to put him away. Robin said that he did an interview on a French radio station and he may turn himself in so it doesn't turn into a lengthy extradition.
A caller told Howard that Medicated Pete should host some karaoke nights. The guy said that he has a bar and he could pay the guy but he didn't know how much. Howard said that it was his idea so he should come up with an amount. Howard said he had to let the guy go because he wasn't going anywhere with it.
Robin read about how the President was in New York City so he was causing traffic problems. Howard said they had a cop on every corner for like 10 blocks and you couldn't move. He said that it was insane.
Robin read about what President Obama has been up to in the city and about some of the other places he'll be visiting up in Boston this week.
Robin read about Nadia Sulemon and how she had an attraction for Jon Gosslin. They say that Jon wanted nothing to do with getting all 22 of their kids together. He said ''no way'' when he was asked about it.
Robin asked Artie about Mariano Rivera throwing a spitball the other night. Artie said he's a Yankees fan so he's going to say he didn't. Robin said there are pictures showing him spitting toward the ball but they're not sure if it was a spitball or not.
Robin read about people looking for tickets to the World Series. Howard ended up talking about how he didn't go to the game with Reggie Jackson and how Reggie had told him he could hook him up with tickets but he'd have to pay for them. Howard said he doesn't care that much about the game to go to see one live. Robin said that the tickets will be available on the Yankees web site and at the box office this week.
Robin read a story about the Housewives of New York and asked Howard if he knew who they were. Howard said he thinks he met one of them. Robin said that one of them is pregnant so she gave Howard the details of that. Howard said he's not sure if he met her or not. Benjy told him that she was on the show but he wasn't sure about that.
Robin said that one of the Big Brother winners, Adam Jasinski, got into trouble when he used his money to start a drug business. Robin said he was arrested in Massachusetts for using his prize to buy Oxycodone pills to resell. He's been reselling them along the East coast for months.
Robin read about the Beatles Rock Band video game outselling Guitar Hero 5 since the September 9th release date.
Robin had a story about the Astroboy cartoon and how they're making a movie with that character. Howard said he thought he met Astroboy in a gay bar one night. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about the film. Howard didn't last too long during that.
Robin read about Amelia Earhart being the subject of a new movie. They had some audio of a guy talking about that but Howard bailed out on that one quickly as well.
Robin read about Saw VI coming out soon and had some audio of the director talking about the movie. Howard cut that one off pretty quickly as well.
Robin read about the movie Motherhood that's coming out this week. She had some audio of Uma Thurman talking about the movie. Howard let that one play through until she started to laugh at herself.
Robin said that Kelly Osbourne has been on Dancing with the Stars and she had a misstep during the dance and injured her foot. Howard asked if she's out. Robin said she was taken to the hospital and her dad Ozzy went with her. Howard said it's a rigorous thing to learn those dances. Robin said she tweeted that she's hurting and it will be painful for a while. Howard ended the show after that. It was about 10:25am.
Gary said it was a big thrill to see Clarence since he's a big fan. Gary said that Artie was asked to write a blurb for the back of Clarence's book and he's going to be on there with Bill Clinton and Chris Rock. He said Artie is pretty excited about that.
Jon asked Gary who the bigger fan is, Artie, him or Ross. Gary said that Ross is the biggest one because he goes to every show he possibly can. He said that he keeps track of all of the set lists too. Gary said that Ross went to all 5 of Bruce's shows that he did around there recently.
Gary said Ross almost got into a fight for getting mad at a guy for being too loud at the show but Ross is that loud guy to other people all the time. He said it was pretty funny. Gary said he has gotten yelled at by Ross for looking at the set list instead of just waiting for songs to be played.
Gary said he's not sure Howard would go to any shows multiple times. Maybe Neil Young. Gary said that you can only see someone do something like that so many times.
Jon had Gary fill people in on the history that Clarence and Robin have. Clarence came on to Robin on the air one time and they've goofed on him about that ever since then. Gary said that Clarence has a good sense of humor about all of that though.
Jon asked Gary about the stories that Clarence told about his car accident and how that changed his life. Gary said that he didn't know how much it changed his life until he heard the story today.
Gary said that Clarence really is the ''big man'' because he has huge feet. He said he looked like he was wearing Herman Munster sized shoes today. That led to them talking about his penis size too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he grew up with Bruce since he grew up in the area but he thinks that Bruce can't sing at all. Gary said that's a ridiculous statement to make. Gary said that the band is great but it's crazy to say that Bruce can't sing.
Jon asked Gary if he knew how long Bruce and Clarence had been friends. Gary talked about how important Clarence is in the band and how it just doesn't seem right when he's not there with Bruce. He said it seems very important to the band.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of Clarence talking about Bruce's wife Patty and making it sound like he wasn't all that happy with her. There was some awkwardness there according to Jon.
Gary said he has gotten along with Howard's wives all these years. He said he knows people who have to deal with the wives of other celebrities and it's not that easy. He said that it can be tough when someone has a wife involved with the business. Bruce's wife is in the band but she's not there for every single show. Gary said she is a pretty regular member of the band.
Steve Brandano asked Gary if he likes it when Bruce and Patty sing together. Gary said he actually does. He said he prefers that over them singing separately.
The guys talked about the rumors that Clarence was saying about the gay rumors about him and Bruce. Jon and Gary said that Clarence was denying those rumors but Benjy didn't seem to get that.
Jon asked Gary if he would be upset if Bruce was on American Idol. Gary said he doesn't care either way. Artie was excited hearing what Clarence said about them never doing that show.
Jon asked the guys what they thought about the advice Clarence got from Redd Foxx and Bill Cosby. Gary said he wasn't surprised by that. He didn't hear the Billy Cosby thing. Jon said he described it as being a ''brother to brother'' conversation.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a big Dead fan and Clarence played with them on occasion. He said that their shows were never the same and he wondered if that's how Bruce's shows are. Gary said that in general he doesn't think that Bruce's fans are Dead fans and they might be the exact opposite. He said that Bruce may cram 35 songs into a 4 hour show while the Grateful Dead will jam on 4 songs for four hours.
Jon took another call from a guy who filled them in on some details about Springsteen bringing his wife into the band early on. He compared that to the way Howard did his show without some of the guys for a little while after they left WNBC. Gary said that Howard didn't leave him behind because he didn't like him, it was over money. Howard did bring him over as soon as he could once he was at K-Rock.
The guys had Don Reo in the studio and he helped write the book with Clarence. Don told the guys that the Bill Cosby story was actually about him. He told the guys the story and how it wasn't Clarence's story at all. Gary found that funny. Don said that the book isn't just about Clarence's life. He said that they have stories that they both shared in the book. Then there are stories in there that are true and some that are fiction. Don said that some of the stories could be lies so that's why they get put on the grey pages.
Jon said that some of the stuff in books like this can surprise the writers at times. He asked Don if that's what happened to Clarence today. Don said that he might have his own Bill Cosby story but it's not in the book so it might be nothing.
Don told the guys that he and Clarence had a great time writing that book together. He said Bruce was cool with them doing it too. He said that they had to let Bruce check some of the book out since they quote him in it. Bruce read the book for about 45 minutes and read some of it and then told them that it was great and went back and read the rest of it. Bruce also wrote the intro to the book.
The guys asked Don if he thinks that Clarence will retire. Don said he doesn't think he's done yet. He said he may take some time off but he's not done yet. He said that Clarence takes great energy from the crowd and he is more comfortable there than anywhere else in space or time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Randy Jackson played bass for Bruce when he went solo. Gary said that's not true from what he read. Then he found a Wikipedia reference where they said that he did play bass on one of Bruce's songs. The caller said he played during his ''Unplugged'' shows too. Gary said maybe Randy will make that call and get Bruce to do American Idol then.
Gary said he was sorry he doubted that guy because he didn't know that Randy had that kind of clout to play with Bruce.
The guys talked about the good relationships they have at work and Benjy talked about how much fun he and Doug Goodstein have talking to each other. He said they hang out and they're pretty close. Gary said that he and Jon are pretty close too. Gary said that they both have kids that are the same age so they have discussions about the stuff they're up to with the kids.
Benjy said that he turned to Gary a lot after 9/11 so he got pretty close to him. Gary said that he used to go down and have a cigarette and they'd go down and just chat about nothing over at K-Rock.
The guys talked to Don Reo more about some of the stories they had in the book. Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Bruce would ever be on the show. Gary said that he doesn't do much press so he doesn't think he'd be on the show. Gary said he just doesn't do a lot.
Gary said that they've had a lot of the guys from the E Street Band on the show but not Bruce. He said that they've probably had most of the band on. Gary said it would be a great get for the show but he can't get him.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Gary to be honest about Robin's sex talk on the show. He asked if it's made up stuff or not. Jon asked what it is that makes him cringe. The caller said that it's just the sex talk in general with her.
Gary said that the fans want to hear what everyone is up to and this guy is the first one to complain about it. Jon said that she did talk about the different places where Howard and Beth could have sex and there was quite a bit from her today. The caller said maybe it's just the age difference. They went to break a short time later.
Jon played a clip of Lisa G talking to Howard about how she was last in line at the red carpet and how upset she was about that.
Lisa was in the studio with the guys so she said that things have changed for the worst over the years. She said that it used to be TV and radio side by side but now it's changed. Lisa said that it used to be TV then radio in line. Now it's national TV, local TV, dot coms, radio and then satellite radio. Lisa said that she was mad last night and now she's just sad.
Gary said there is a long row at these red carpet things and the first group are TV, then the dot coms and so on. Benjy asked what the big deal is then. Lisa said that the tabloid reporters get at least 10 minutes with the celebrities. Then they do their radio and dot com interviews and the people are tired by the time they get to the end. Lisa said that it's the publicists fault.
Lisa said that she and Brad Driver, the news director, had a discussion and she's thinking about taking her own camera to the events to get further up in line. Lisa said that many of the people are running late and they pass her up.
Lisa said that she can't just pull someone aside and ask them to talk to her. She said that it's gotten to the point where she has to scream. She said she made a placard with a stick and some people will run over to talk to her.
Gary said that stuff used to go on with Stuttering John all the time. He said that Lisa might be blowing it out of proportion. Gary said that Lisa might need a distraction like hot, steamy sex. Lisa told him not to go there.
Lisa said that things are getting worse and it's not just her complaining about it. Benjy asked if it's prestige or if it's so they don't block camera shots. Lisa said that it's both.
Lisa said that she thinks that Gary is making her sound like she's complaining about something that's not important. Gary said that he kind of is. Gary said that she did tear up during the discussion about it this morning. Jon said that she takes her job seriously. Gary said he does too but he doesn't cry about it, he just moves on if he can't book a guest for the show.
Benjy said that this is Lisa's whole life too so it means a lot to her. Lisa said she loves her job and she wants to do the best she can. She said if she doesn't get any audio then she has nothing to report on. Gary said that it's only a little more difficult to get interviews.
Jason came in and said that maybe the industry just passed Lisa by and she needs to move on to something else. He said they may need someone different to fight their way to the head of the red carpet. Lisa said that Jason wouldn't even fit there, he'd take up like 5 spaces. Jason continued to go off on Lisa and said that this has nothing to do with Howard. He said that it's all Lisa.
Jason said that he's just saying that maybe Lisa isn't aggressive enough. Lisa said that he has no idea how difficult it is to start screaming at people. She said that she's not going to agree with him on that. She said that it has everything to do with Howard. She said that she's at the end of the line and if they had respect for them then they'd put her closer.
Gary said that they put little tape squares that they can't move out of and maybe Lisa should make her own spot and move herself. Gary asked if she thinks that she should be moved further up. Lisa said that there is a TV element there. Gary said that she doesn't have a camera with her so they don't have to honor that. Lisa said that the publicists don't know the power of Howard Stern on satellite. She said that they don't hear Howard so they just stick her at the end of the line.
Jason said that a younger woman might be at the event and she may get further up in the line because she's younger. Lisa said that's being very insulting. Lisa said that youth has nothing to do with it and it's the dot com people who get up further in line because that's what the publicists think is the more popular thing.
Benjy asked Lisa if she has to explain herself to the publicists that she's not going to do a Stuttering John thing. Lisa said that came up with Star Jones. She said that might be part of it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Howard TV can't be incorporated with that news stuff. Jason asked if Lisa asked Doug Goodstein to do that. Gary said that it's probably not cost effective to do that. They probably wouldn't use a lot of the footage on TV. Jason said that he asks Doug if he wants to send anyone along when they do stuff so maybe Lisa should ask to do that.
Gary said maybe Lisa should ask Doug to do that from now on. That's part of being more aggressive according to Jason. Lisa said she had to get going after that. Jason made a comment about Lisa as she was walking out. Jason said she's old and he doesn't want to hear her whining about this and maybe she should give her job to someone else. Gary said that some of it is a little bit about her.
Another caller said that he thinks they're afraid that Lisa is going to clog the bowl in the bathroom there with one of her shits. Jason said that she needs to be more aggressive or get out of the way. Gary said that things do change and you have to adapt to it. He said that a 23 year old girl is going to be more interested in TMZ than the Howard 100 News. Jason still thought it was Lisa and not the Howard 100 News.
Benjy said that a lot of people may not know what Howard 100 News is and who the news is for. Benjy said when he tries to get free drinks he doesn't say he's on Howard 100, he says he's on the Howard Stern Show.
A caller said that Lisa G really doesn't get it. He agrees with Jason. Jason said that it did sound like it was a lot of ''Wah, wah, wah'' from Lisa.
Jason said that maybe if Lisa wasn't busy Facebooking where Howard was going to be then she'd be able to get further up in line.
Jason said that Langford is crazy on and off the air so he thinks he's the most crazy. He said he can't get a read on that guy and he doesn't want anything to do with him. Gary said he's a great guy and he can have conversations with him all the time. Gary said he's very enjoyable and so is Lisa.
Jason said that Ralph Howard might be the most normal but it's hard to tell. Benjy said that George Flowers was the craziest. He's gone now though. Benjy said that he likes Lisa and Steve but he's not sure who the craziest is. He said Lisa would be the least and then Steve and then High Pitch Mike. Gary said it might be Penny Crone who was the craziest.
Shuli came in and told the guys that Langford has gotten into fights with a lot of people there. He had a Torah-sized list of fights. It was four pages of notes that were hand written. The list has people from Captain Janks right up to the head of the company.
Shuli said that Lisa will blurt out non-sequiturs and just talk about her non-fat yogurt having fat in it or wondering what Robin is doing as they're sitting there. Shuli said that Lisa will just blurt out lines like ''Sandbags are so archaic.'' They have a whole list of things that she's said.
Jon asked Shuli who he thinks is the craziest of the bunch. Shuli said that Langford is so crazy about the news that it's funny to him. Lisa is just crazy-crazy so he'd have to pick her. He said Mike is right behind her and maybe just as crazy.
Jon asked Shuli if he has gone out to do interviews like Lisa has. Shuli said he has and he'll just interview everyone around him if he can't get anyone else. He said he will yell out Howard's name and he has never used a sign. Gary said Shuli doesn't know how it used to be either though. He said he's just dealing with it the way it is.
Shuli said he just tires to be as nice as possible and that can work for you. Gary said Stuttering John used to go out and just go out wherever he wanted to. He said that he would get interviews with people that weren't interviewed by anyone else yet and he'd scare them off from doing any other interviews.
Jason said the whole thing is stupid anyway so he's not sure why Lisa would be that upset. He said that at the end of the day she should just calm down and move on instead of getting upset.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that his mother is a reporter and she will get out there and try to get people to come over to her at events like this. He said that the 24 year old girls are going to get men to look at her and even the women are going to come over to the hot girl in line.
Jason said that it might be a good experiment to send out a young girl to see what happens. Gary said that they've tried all kinds of people to events like that. They had Steve the Intern in the wheelchair and even he had people turning him down.
Benjy said that they should send Chuck Zito out. The guys thought that would be funny. Gary said it would be great. Jon told him it was a brilliant idea.
Gary said he thinks it should be interesting with Pete. Benjy said that the hot chick was doing it for her religion so that was kind of interesting. He said if she's really doing it for that reason it's pretty interesting.
The guys talked about some of the other girls who wrote in about dating Pete. The girl who was going to jail wrote to them a couple of years ago and she wanted to call in and talk to them from jail. He said that's how they found her. She never was able to call in during the show though.
A caller said that he's been unable to quit smoking so he asked Gary how he did it. Gary said he went to a hypnotist group and he stopped smoking. The caller said he did that too but it didn't work for him. He said it was kind of a turn off to do the group hypnosis thing. Gary said he went into it thinking he was going to stop smoking by 7 the next morning and it worked for him.
Benjy told the guy to try chantrix. The guy said he's tried everything. He said that he's going to try the Smoke Assassin thing which is a vapor that's not real smoke. He said that it's like a smokeless cigarette. Jon said that Sal started doing that and he's off of cigarettes now.
The caller said that he knew the hot girl that they had on the show today. He said he went to high school with her and she actually does have a nice personality. He said that she's not going to fuck some guy because she's religious.
The caller said that he thinks that this girl, Tori, could get cold feet. He said that he thinks that she'd be very sincere though.
Gary said that he and Fred got into it back then when Fred said that he hijacks every conversation. Stuttering John got upset by some stuff too.
Jon asked Gary who he thinks is going to take it to heart the most. Gary said there will be some obvious answers there. He said that the creepiest and laziest people will get votes and then there will be some people who are surprised they're on the list that will lead to trouble. He said that there will be people who are upset by the whole thing. Benjy said he's pretty sure he'll get the ''most liked'' and ''nicest eyes'' votes.
Gary said Louis really went off on him about everything and he had gone to bat for the guy many times. He said if he knew he hated him he never would have done that for him.
Jon asked Gary what he thought about that Steve Phillips letter that Howard read today. Gary said that she must not have any friends. He said she took some really low blows and went off on the guy and his kids and all of that. Gary said he doesn't think she was looking for revenge and she was just trying to get in tighter with Steve.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they did a secret ballot on the show and that's how the whole thing with Gary came up. He said he was part of that vote about Artie and that's how the whole Gary thing went down with Louis.
The guys had to end the show a short time later. As they were doing that Steve Brandano got in a plug for tonight's Intern Show. He mentioned that one of the interns there went off on Pete about how they were all working while he was busy with his fuckin' dating game on the air. They'll be talking about that with the interns tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Howard started the show talking about not knowing what to talk about. He said that they're on SIRIUS XM radio even though the people at XM aren't bothering to say SIRIUS XM.
Robin had a dozen red roses on her desk from Clarence Clemons. Howard said he can't figure that guy out. Howard said he got a lot of positive feedback about the interview. Howard said that Don Reo, who wrote the book with Clarence, was on the Wrap Up Show and he told the guys that Clarence didn't have a story about Bill Cosby in the book. Howard played the audio from the Wrap Up Show where Don talked about that. He said that Clarence didn't have a story in the book about Cosby, it was his story.
Howard said he can't figure out why Clarence would tell him that he had a story in the book if it wasn't even his story. Robin asked why Don Reo's stories were in the book. Howard said they say that the white pages in the book are true and the grey stories may or may not be true. Howard told Robin that they're like fiction pages but he doesn't understand.
Howard asked if it was a way of protecting yourself just in case someone sues. Robin said that could be it, she's never heard of such a thing.
Howard played more audio from the Wrap Up Show where Gary and Don Reo talked about the white and grey pages. Robin said maybe Clarence had some days when he was on drugs and that's why he had to do the white and grey pages. Howard said it was very strange listening to that show hearing all of that.
Artie said he read a lot of the book but skipped over the grey pages. He said he loved the white page stuff. Artie said maybe he was smoking weed and he remembered it in different ways.
Howard said it's not a good thing to say you're from the Howard Stern Show. He said she doesn't seem to understand that. Robin said that it's not just the show, it's radio in general that's behind the dot coms.
Howard played some of the Wrap Up Show clips of Lisa talking about the red carpet stuff. Lisa was talking about making a sign to get people's attention. Howard said even if he stood next to her people would still run away.
Howard said it is hard to work on the red carpet and she has worked many. Howard said it depends on who you're with and you can get better treatment if you work with someone else. Robin said that she was treated well when she worked at that urban station she was on.
Howard said Jason got into it with Lisa G. He played the audio of that where Jason came in and went off on Lisa about how maybe the industry had passed her by and they need someone younger and more aggressive on the red carpet. Jason told her that it had nothing to do with Howard. Howard cut the clip off and said Jason is right about that. It has nothing to do with him.
Howard played more of the audio where Jason and Lisa were arguing and she made a fat joke about him. Howard thought she was out of line. Robin said that Jason had made a joke about her being old before that though.
Howard read some email about the way Jason went off on her and how harsh he was. Howard said that people see his show as a danger zone and they're kept away from them. Howard said she'd be better off not telling anyone where she's from.
Howard read more mail where people said that Jason should stop talking and leave Lisa alone. Howard said Lisa should tell people she's from a gay radio station or something. Artie said he thinks it's become easier to get into line using Howard's name. Howard said it's really not like that on a red carpet. It's the publicists not waning their clients being shown in a bad light.
Artie said Lisa is good at doing interviews when she does do them. He said that she just does a straight interview and then throws in a Howard Stern question at the end.
Howard played more of the Jason and Lisa G argument from the Wrap Up Show. She and Jason were going back and forth for a few minutes. Howard said it sounded like a lot of whining to him.
Gary said that Lisa G told him that she was standing behind a gay dot com at that red carpet event. Howard said that radio still has a lot of power and he doesn't think that it's a dying medium. Howard said he thinks radio still has a slot there.
Howard played a news report where they talked about the chicken bit being stolen from Howard's show. They say that Leno has ripped off 10 major things from the Howard Stern Show.
Howard said the woman in that clip laughed at the bit they were talking about and that's what really bums him out. Howard said that Leno has done this at least 10 times with bits. Howard said it's not just a joke or a one liner, it's a bit they do over and over. Howard said Jay Walking is one thing. He said that taking the freaky intern out to a red carpet event is another one. Howard said he has all of his stuff on tape to prove it. Howard said they spin a wheel to get guests to do stuff to earn plugs. They've done that in the past too. Howard said this stuff isn't that easy to come up with and they're just stealing them from his show.
Howard said Jay is making a ton of money doing this and he brags about how hard he works. Howard said Jay had to steal Stuttering John from the show too. He said he could point out 10 things they've stolen from the show. Howard said Jay also says he's a piece of shit for saying that people steal from his show. Howard said he's not going to let him get away with it.
Robin said that Jay stole Stuttering John from the show too. Howard said that John's not even on the air anymore.
Howard played a clip from The Insider where they reported on the chicken bit being stolen. Howard said this is just wrong of Jay to do. He said they water it all down though and make the bits lame.
Howard said this guy Bill Hicks died a few years ago. He said that Hicks hated Leno and he did a bit about him around the time he got the Tonight Show. Howard had the audio of Hicks talking about him so he played that. Hicks did an impression of Jay talking to Joey Lawrence from the show Blossom and said that's probably when Leno will pull out a gun and blow his Doritos shilling head off. Hicks had the Leno impression down pretty good. He eventually has Jay blowing his brains out on the wall and said that the blood would form an NBC peacock on the wall behind him. Hicks called Leno a whore for selling Doritos when he doesn't even need the money. He went on and on about Leno.
Howard said the guy was right on target about Jay. Howard said it's so true about him. He said that he had enough money and he didn't have to sell that crap. Howard said that's like Rush Limbaugh selling chairs to his audience. Howard said that Rush makes enough money and he doesn't have to be a whore for everything. Robin said you understand Jackie selling his stuff because he needs his money. Howard said yes and no on that. He said Jackie didn't need the money when he was working on this show. He said he might need it now though.
Howard said Rush Limbaugh is trying to buy a football team and he's still selling key chains on his web site. Howard said he should be giving that stuff away for free.
Howard said he has to sell some stuff like trying to sell the service he's on. Howard said they're trying to keep that going. Howard said Rush has ties that he sells to his audience. Howard said the guy is supposed to be a broadcaster, not a tie salesman. Howard said his audience isn't even buying those ties. He said that he doesn't need that 12 grand for those ties he sold in a year. Howard said the guy is a no talent and has to lay in bed thinking about that every night. Howard said that guy is a bizarre freak.
Howard said Jay was a very funny stand-up comic who sold out. Howard said that Bill Hicks was right about that. Artie said that Hicks was a great comic and he ended up bashing both Leno and Letterman around that time. He said he was very ballsy like that.
Howard said Rush Limbaugh sells mouse pads to his audience. If he really liked his audience he'd give that stuff away to his audience instead. Howard said he must have a manager or an agent that tells him he has to sell that crap. Howard said Rush lucked out when he decided to do what he does on radio. Howard said he wasn't doing well early on. Howard said he's taking advantage of the people who listen to him by selling this stuff to them.
Howard said it's not worth it to sell toilet seats to your audience. Howard said you have to stop grabbing at your audience like that. He said he sells soap too. Howard said the guy is worth maybe 2 or 300 million and he feels the need to sell you soap. He said the soap probably says ''EIB'' on it for that Excellence in Broadcasting nonsense. Howard said he'd be embarrassed to have anything like that in his house.
Howard said Rush spews all of this hate and sells stuff to people like this. Not only that but the guy has a tail. Howard said he should sell underwear for people who have tails. Howard said the soap he sells is $17. Howard said he has bumper stickers and he's not sure what ''Operation Chaos'' is. Scott DePace said he doesn't know what it is either. Scott is a Rush listener.
Howard said they have Club Gitmo soap on a rope and that's $17. Gary said that he had a bunch of the other stuff he sells and it's insane. He asked what the operation chaos thing is. Gary thought DePace would know but he didn't know.
Howard read through the stuff Rush was selling and saw some t-shirts, a suede golf cap with EIB on it. Gary said that the Operation Chaos thing was his plan to get rid of Hillary Clinton. Howard said maybe people buy t-shirts and he makes money doing that.
Howard said Leno is the host of the Tonight Show and he didn't need to do the Doritos commercial. He said at some point you have to think about your career and not think about just making a little extra money hawking crap like that.
Howard said Leno always says he doesn't need a lot of money and he lives off of his stand-up money but then he's out selling Doritos. He doesn't have any kids to put through college or anything but he's still trying to bring in the money.
Howard said Bubba the Love Sponge has to sell stuff because he was on the balls of his ass for a while and he has to support his guys. Howard said Bubba says his fans want that stuff and he needs the money to pay his guys. He said he has no problem with that. Gary said that when they were out of work that stuff kept them going for a while. Howard said he has no problem with that.
Howard said Rush Limbaugh doesn't need that money like Bubba does. He said it's just a rip off. Gary said they bought one of those chairs from Rush to see what it was like. Howard said he thought it would be funny to sit in it but once they got it, it wasn't funny. Gary said they gave that chair to Richie Herbie back at K-Rock when they were still there. Howard said he's glad to see that these shows picked up on the Leno story.
Howard said this 22 year old tried to speed up the process of stealing Steve from his wife by contacting his family. Howard said Steve's wife came home and found the woman at the house and the girl ended up driving off so fast she ran into something at the house. Then the wife called the cops about it. Howard had the 911 call where she called and told the cops about the crazy woman who was in her driveway. She told 911 that the car was a blue Prius and asked them to hurry. She gave them some information about where she was driving.
Howard asked if they can call 911 and report Jay Leno stealing his bits. He played more of the 911 call where the wife talked about the threatening calls and stuff that she was getting from this crazy 22 year old. She said she was going to call her husband and ask him where this woman lives. Howard said that would be a great call to get.
Howard played more of the audio where the woman said she wanted to hang up so she could call her husband. The 911 guy told her to call them back if she showed up again.
Howard said Kerik had a prison named after him. They joked about how horrible it would be if he got locked up in that prison.
Howard said Kerik went to prison and they said that they had to put him in a section where other cops and judges were locked up. Bernie said he wanted to be in the general population but they put him in the other spot anyway. Howard said he wouldn't even put that out there if it was him.
Howard said that you get a cell mate if you're in general population. Howard said you have to be in the cell with the guy when he's shitting and stuff and that's just not fun.
Howard said when he goes in the gym and there's a guy shitting, he wants to chop his own head off. Howard said it's so disgusting when he goes in there and someone is shitting. He said it's like he's going to pass out from it.
Artie said he had a guy shitting next to him in jail and the guy's knee was touching him. He said that was really just awful.
Robin said that she's tired of being treated like a terrorist at the airport. She said she has to strip down, take her shoes off and all of that and it's just ridiculous. Howard said that happens to Beth too. Howard said Robin looks a lot more like a terrorist than Beth does. Howard said Beth gets searched all the time. Artie asked if he would search Beth or Mohammed Atta? Howard said he'd search Beth too.
Robin said they ran this pad over her hand to check her for something. They did that because she wears an Ace bandage on her wrist to help out when she's working on her scar from her broken wrist. Howard said he's kind of glad that they check people like that. He said that maybe they figure they're going to use a woman the next time a terrorist tries to bomb something.
Howard said in public schools they've just about done away with physical education now. He said that years ago they would tend to treat the awkward kids poorly. Howard said he knows what that was like. He said that if they put some money into that they could probably cut down on obesity. Howard said he likes what Michelle Obama is doing even though she looks ridiculous doing it in the pictures.
Howard said he can see Robin getting into this sweat lodge stuff. Robin said that she wanted to do one but she hasn't managed to do it yet. Howard said that this sweat lodge thing probably makes people hallucinate from the heat. Howard said a woman has come out saying that people are being pushed too far in these sweat lodges. People end up vomiting from the heat. He read about what this woman was saying about the lodges after 3 people died in one.
Howard read about this ''guru'' who was playing god with people and having people fasting and stuff like that. Howard read about these people who were vomiting and gasping for air in this one sweat lodge.
This woman gave details about the sweat lodge nightmare and how they had to ask for the door to be open so they could get some air in there and the guy running the place didn't want it open.
Howard said that you can't find any real Indian who wants to go into a sweat lodge. Howard said that they're too smart for that. Artie said that there are a lot of fat Indians out there and they're not going to any sweat lodges. He's seen them at the Indian casinos he does shows at.
Howard said that his agent had never heard of this stuff before. Howard said Robin got him this bottle and he said he would never open it for guests that he has over. He said that he and Beth were going to enjoy it together. Howard said he looked at the bottle and figured he had to drink it. He opened it up and let it breathe. He said he didn't want to ''decanter'' it though so he just left it in the bottle. He said that you're supposed to let it breathe in the decanter.
Howard said he opened the bottle and let it breath for a couple of hours. Howard said he wasn't sure what to do with it because of how much it cost. Howard said this wine was really good too. He said he really enjoyed it.
Artie said that he'd like to test Howard to find out if he could tell the difference between an $80 bottle of wine and a $450 bottle. Howard said he's not sure. Robin said that's not the point of drinking wine like that. It's not about being able to tell the difference.
Howard said most good restaurants won't even serve you wine that's that expensive because it can overpower the food. Artie said that it's just a classier way of getting drunk. Howard said that's basically it. Robin said she doesn't drink that much that she gets drunk. She said she doesn't usually get buzzed either.
Howard told Robin to stop it. Robin said she doesn't go to get drunk when she goes to Napa. She said that she can get lit from it but she doesn't drink it like that.
Robin told Howard she has maybe 600 bottles of wine and she never drinks. She only drinks on trips and occasionally at dinner. She said she has a great collection but she has to have a party to thin it out a bit. Howard said that's crazy. He asked her what she's doing. Robin said she's got a great collection. She said she might buy a few bottles of something if she likes it but she just puts it away. Robin said you put it away to age. Howard said she should give it to him. He said he'd take all 600 bottles.
Howard said he didn't want to have a party with her. Howard said that would be like Medicated Pete coming in there and saying that he had 600 condoms in a collection. He said that's just nuts.
Artie aid that he relates to that and he collects heroin but not to get high. He said that some heroin needs to be aged. Howard said they had to take a break after that. He quickly mentioned that they have a Superfan contest coming up on Superfan Roundtable this week so tune in to hear that tonight on Howard 101.
Howard read some email about Clarence Clemons appearance on the show yesterday. Howard had some positive mail and one negative one where the guy said Clarence whines too much.
There was an email about Gary getting something wrong on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said it looked long and boring to him so he asked Fred what it was about. Fred tried to explain it but his voice was screwed up from the heating system in the building.
Gary came in and told Howard what the mail was about and how he thought ''Tunnel of Love'' was an album but it wasn't. That's what he was being corrected over.
Howard said he got an email from someone asking what kind of chess sets he has. Howard said he doesn't have that many. He got a nice one from Ronnie and he just bought one himself. He said that one was from House of Staunton or something like that.
Howard said he likes chess sets that are real chess sets and not other characters. He said they get too creative with them. He said he only plays online anyway so it's pointless.
Howard asked if they got in touch with the felony chick. Gary said they did and they can probably get her on the air this morning.
Howard said people were telling them not to have her on the show because she might rip Pete off in some way. Howard said he's not sure that would happen. He said that she does have a felony charge against her though so it does say something about her.
Robin said that pretty girls have momentary flashes to do something nice for guys like Pete but they're just moments that pass.
Gary said they have some new girls who are interested in Pete. Howard said he wants to talk to the wheelchair girl. Howard said she had better put out. Howard said he thinks that she will.
Artie said that there are some girls who look like the chick Letterman was dating. Robin said that's not such a bad thing. Howard agreed. Robin said the Steve Phillips girl looked okay too. Howard said some people were chastising him for commenting on the girls that they've been talking about lately. He said that it is interesting to him that a guy as powerful as Letterman is going after girls who aren't all that hot. Howard said this guy Steve Phillips is going out with a chubby 22 year old that's very ordinary looking. He read that his wife is like a super model. He said it doesn't make sense. Artie said guys want something different. He said guys want variety.
Howard heard the wheelchair girl's phone was going to voice mail. Howard said they have to be ready to go on the air at any time.
Howard said he finds it odd that these famous guys are attracted to the girls who are so plain. Robin said that they're calking this Steve Phillips girl ''schlubby'' in the NY Post this morning. They're being even more harsh than Howard is.
Howard read some more email and had some about Ronnie. He read some of that and said that Ronnie isn't known for his elocution.
Gary told Howard they had the girl on the line to talk to Pete. This was Dina. Howard had Pete come in too. Pete said he didn't have any pipes today so he couldn't sing. Howard said he wasn't looking for him to sing. Pete told Howard that Ronnie wants his show back too. Howard said that Ronnie was hoping that he'd give Pete the power to give him the show back. Howard told Pete he doesn't have the power to do that though.
Howard got to this Dina chick he had on the phone and explained what was going on with Pete. Howard said Pete has Tourettes and he's always talking in the background. Howard said he thought Pete's self esteem was really low but he seems to be fine in there lately. He said he walks around with a bit of a swagger lately. Pete said he is getting more confident.
Howard said Pete is almost getting famous. Pete said that people have started talking to him more. He's getting a lot of response back where he lives too and people are coming out of the woodwork. Howard said he's afraid that he's going to get full of himself. Pete said that won't happen.
Howard asked Dina why she's in a wheelchair. She said she can move and feel everything but she has a condition (Fredricks Attacksia) that makes it hard for her to stand up. She explained what the condition was and Robin knew what she was talking about. Robin said that what she has would make her look like she was drunk if she was walking around.
Howard asked Dina when she last got laid. She said it was earlier this year. She said she plays a lot of sports and she's very athletic even thought she doesn't walk.
Howard said she seems like a hot chick. He asked Pete if he was going to be weirded out by that. Pete said that wouldn't weird him out at all. Howard asked if it's hard to get guys. Dina said she hasn't had a problem with that.
Dina is 26 and Pete is 34. Howard said that he could probably totally bang her. Howard asked if she has seen pictures of Pete. Dina said she has not. She said that he sounds hot to her though. Dina said that he sounds like he's a nice guy too. Howard asked if she has anything wrong with her vagina. She said she doesn't.
Howard asked Dina if she gets horny. She said it has been a long time. Howard asked if she's fully shaved. She said she isn't but she keeps things neat. Howard asked if she stands in her shower. She said she has a chair in there. Howard and Artie said they do too.
Pete was talking but he wasn't really saying anything. He just said ''Yeah, you know.'' for no apparent reason. Howard said that Pete would have a job there if he was one of those guys who yell out curse words or the N-word. Pete has ticks and stuff and his lips are always wet too. Pete said he just gets a lot of spit and stuff. Pete said it's a weird thing.
Howard asked Pete what happens if he goes off his meds. Pete said he'd spaz out. He said he'd be off the charts. Howard asked if he would yell out the N-word. Pete said he wouldn't go that far. He said he would get muscle spasms and stuff.
Howard said Pete seems to be getting more and more normal. Pete said that's what happens when people get to know him. He said he comes off as weird when people first meet him but then he gets normal. Howard said he's a cool guy even though he was freaked out by him at first. Howard said he was freaked out by him at first but now he's cool with him.
Howard read that Dina's disease might get worse and worse and eventually she won't be able to move. Dina said her progression is really slow and she's very active so that helps a lot. She said that she's been progressing but it's very slow. She's been at the level she's at for a few years now and she thinks she'll be okay for the rest of her life.
Robin said Dina probably wants to get in a lot of living right now. Dina said that's right and that's the way she lives her life.
Howard asked Dina if she's ever turned anyone down. She said of course she has. She said she does have some standards. Pete said of course you need to have standards. Howard said Pete doesn't have any. Pete got a laugh out of that.
Howard said he thinks that Dina would have a good chemistry with Pete. She said she hopes so. Howard thanked her and let her go. He said they'd get back to her.
Howard asked Dina how many guys she's been with. She said it was probably more than 10. Howard said she's a little vixen then. Howard said that Pete hasn't had any sex any way. Pete said it's been a while. Howard said he did have a hooker once. Dina said she guesses that you just have to unload once in a while.
Howard asked Pete what he thinks. Pete said it could be a cool thing. Howard said even if she was frozen solid some day he could still bang her. Howard said this might be the girl for him.
Howard had another girl on the phone who wants to talk to him. It was audio clips of Heidi Cortez. The guys in the back were goofing on Pete again. Howard told Pete that she was trying to have phone sex with him. Pete tried to play along but he was just saying ''Wow'' over and over again as she was telling him to get naked. She was saying she was naked. Pete seemed to think it was a real thing. Howard tried to help Pete out by telling him what to say. They had Heidi faking an orgasm and Pete said ''Wow... Listen to this!'' Howard asked if he should put her on the list. Pete said that he should. He didn't know what that noise was that she was making. Howard said that's her cumming and none of them had ever heard that from a chick.
Howard thanked Pete for coming in and told him that they would put both Dina and Heidi on the list of girls for him.
A caller said that he thought there was some controversy over Pete getting so much air time lately. They were supposed to talk about that on the Intern Show last night. Pete said he heard about that this morning. He said that he's not going to be losing his condition anytime soon so he's probably going to be kept in there.
Howard let Pete go and told him to go deal with the jealousy from the other interns. Artie said he liked that Heidi clip. Fred played a squeak toy clip that sounded an awful lot like Heidi when she was cumming. They had to go to break after that.
Howard said they have Steven Stills coming up soon. He said that Rosie O'Donnell is going to be coming in soon as well. Robin said that she's been reading about her having trouble in her relationship lately.
Howard said he was somewhat instrumental in getting Rosie there. he said he was very much for it and said that he used to listen to her doing her broadcasts on her web site. Howard said she would run around with a camera and take her every day life and turn it into a video blog. Howard said it was very good and she has an understanding of radio the way he likes it. He said he believes that her coming to SIRIUS is a good thing.
Howard said they need to find people who are compelling enough to get people to subscribe to the service. Howard said Rosie is one of those people that will get a lot of people to subscribe. That's what he thinks anyway. Howard said there are people who are good on radio but don't bring in the subscribers.
Howard said Rosie has walked away from The View and her own show and she's not heard anywhere else. Howard said that's called exclusivity and he thinks that's a good thing as well. Howard said he thinks this was a smart hire and she'll do a good broadcast. Howard said he will listen to see what's going on over there when she starts.
Howard said they're reporting that Rosie's wife has moved out and Rosie finally came out and confirmed it. Howard said she's the type to comment about that kind of thing so that will be good for her show. Howard talked about how John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are dating and she refuses to talk about that. Howard said that's the kind of person that can't do a radio show because she's boring. Howard said Rosie talks about everything that's going on.
Robin said Howard keeps some secrets. Howard said he does but not that many. He said he kept his marriage problems secret. Howard said if you're ending a marriage, you keep it quiet until it's over. He said your life can get crazy if you announce it before it's over. Howard said this is why Rosie's show is going to be good radio.
Cami came in and told Howard she's so excited to meet him. Howard asked how old she is. She said she's 22 and she used to watch Howard on TV when she was a kid. Howard said she must be really pissed now. Cami said she is.
Howard asked Cami if watching his show helped her get to the bunny ranch. She said that it wasn't his show but she was always very sexual. She said she started having sex when she was 16 and the guy would just lick her pussy all the time. She said he would tell her that he didn't want to contaminate her all the time. He didn't want to turn her into a whore. Now look at her.
Robin asked Cami if she had a tongue piercing or something because she was detecting something in there. She didn't have anything in there so Howard said he's not sure what she was detecting.
Cami said that her parents never wanted her to work or even go to college. She said that she did graduate high school. She said that they told her to think about what she wanted to do with her life after school. She stayed home for 3 years after that and her parents supported her during that. She said that they're not wealthy but they're doing alright.
Howard asked what she was doing during those three years. She said she was hanging out with friends and going out to find hot guys to fuck.
Cami said she saw Dennis Hof on the Tyra Banks show and he had the pregnant girl on with him. She said that inspired her to try the Bunny Ranch out for herself. She said Dennis was very cool on that show and she found him very sexy. She wanted to fuck Dennis when she saw him on that show. She kept calling him ''daddy'' during that discussion.
Howard said Cami has a rockin' body and she had real breasts too. He asked her if she was going to get implants. She said she wasn't sure. Robin told her not to ruin that body.
Howard said Cami must charge a lot for her services. She said that there are other girls who are more expensive than her. Howard didn't understand why that was but Cami said they've been there longer.
Howard asked Cami about how she contacted Dennis about going out there. She said she had to think about that for a while. She said her parents don't know what she's doing yet. She said they're about to find out. Robin asked if it was going to kill her mom. She said that they should be okay with it. She said that they've told her that she could be a whore and they'd still love her so now it's time to test that out.
Howard read that Cami was an escort before this but she said that wasn't true. She said that she loves to fuck. Howard asked what she would do when she'd go out to clubs and stuff. She said that she just dances and guys will come up to her. She said that girls would even come up to her and dance but they usually run away when they find out she's into chicks.
Howard asked Cami if the guys have to be super attractive. Cami said that she would tell guys to just come to the bathroom and fuck her. She said she would pick out guys she liked and she would just lift up her skirt and have guys fucking her in the bathroom. Howard said the guys must have thought they had died and gone to heaven.
Cami said that she went to this one club where they have a unisex bathroom and she'd get more turned on when she'd see a girl through the one way glass looking at her and not even knowing it.
Howard said it must be scary having sex with her. He asked if she needs the guy to last a long time. She said that a guy can do a lot of things to get her off so he doesn't have to last an hour. She said that she's very orgasmic so she likes a lot of different things. She said she loves crazy, fun things.
Howard asked Cami about contacting Dennis about working at the Bunny Ranch. She said she told Dennis that it's a woman's duty to satisfy men. She said that she's a certified masseuse but she's never done that for a living. She said that she can cook too.
Cami said that she read a book about giving oral sex and took the tips from that and uses those techniques when she gives oral. Howard said Robin isn't that good so he told her to give Robin some advice. Cami said that the trick is enthusiasm. She said that if you enjoy the dick in your mouth then things will be fine.
Howard said Cami has made a good point. He said a woman has to love what she's doing. He said that you have to love what you're doing even if you don't like the guy.
Cami said that she doesn't need a big dick. She said that she's had small ones before. Cami said this one guy had a tiny little penis that sat on his balls. Howard said it sounds like she must have seen him. Cami said that it looked like something that she changed diapers on when she was a little kid. She said that the guy didn't say a word about it though. She said it didn't get much bigger when he was hard either.
Cami said she likes to make men cum and she will rub herself after they leave. She said that she gets off on guys cumming and thinks that's the hottest thing. Howard said he just came twice. Artie said he did too. Cami said she should start pleasuring herself now then.
Howard asked if Dennis had to try her out when she went out there to the ranch. Cami said that she had to get her hooker permit first. She said she hung out with Dennis that first night and he asked her if she was into girls. Then Dennis said he was going to try something out. He blindfolded her and tied her up in his house and then had a girl come and lick her pussy. Cami said the girl licked her and another girl came in and sat on her face. She licked that girl and that one left. Then girl after girl came in and licked her. She said that Dennis fucked the shit out of her after that and it was the best sex of her life. She said she came like 10 times that night.
Cami said she doesn't even know which girls came into the room that night and she doesn't know who did her. She said that was very hot so she wonders who it was when she talks to the girls there.
Howard said that they do the same thing to people when they start there. Artie had to do that. Artie was goofing on Cami by faking his laugh like her laugh while they were talking about that.
Howard said Cami is in the new season of Cathouse that's on HBO. That starts tonight. Howard gave her some plugs for that and for BunnyRanch.com.
Howard asked Cami about her first night banging someone. She said that they had two Nordic gods that came in that night. They were twins and they were huge, blonde hair, blue eyed guys. Cami said that the guys were going to share a girl. Cami said she gave the guys a tour of the ranch and the guys asked if they could just go to her room. She brought them in there and they talked for a while. Then the guys said that they were both virgins. She said that they were Swedish so they had funny accents. She didn't believe them at first but then when they got down to it she figured out they were telling the truth. They were twins and they wanted to do everything together.
Cami said that while one guy was doing her the other one was jerking off. She said it was really strange. She said that she was waiting for them to jerk off on each other's faces but that never happened. Cami said that they came in her pussy eventually.
Howard asked if they left after that. She said that they paid first and then they just leave when they're done. She said that they took a shower together before that.
Howard asked Cami what she thinks of Obama's health care plan. She said she likes it, she's from Canada so that's how they do things up there.
Howard gave Cami some more plugs and then took a call from Ham Hands Bill. Bill asked her about this woman who was on the show saying that she sucked dick at the age of 5. He asked if she ever did that. She said she was very sheltered and no one in the family did anything to her and she was never molested. She said she's just really horny.
Bill asked her how old she was when she started sucking dick. She said she was like 15. She said that was the guy who used to lick her. She said that didn't do it for her so she had to move on to other guys.
Howard asked Cami if she'll lick ass. She said she doesn't do that at work but she would do that for a husband or someone she knows.
Bill asked when she had a dick up her ass for the first time. Cami said that she's an anal virgin. She said she's small and her pussy is very tight so she doesn't want to know how her ass would be.
Howard asked what it would cost to do her in the ass. She threw the number $25,000 out there. Artie said he wanted her ass as Ted Kennedy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he fucked her in Canada and he had warts on his dick. She said that there is no one up there named Tony so that was bullshit.
Another guy asked Cami about something and she said that her pussy was wet thinking about that. She said that she hates guys who are not hygienic. She said that she always has guys take a shower before she does them. Cami said that she has had to turn guys down at the ranch. She said that she had one guy who was a creep so she had to turn him down. Cami said that she hates arrogance so she will turn guys down who are arrogant. Cami said that most guys are very sweet to her.
Howard asked how long the guys last with her. She said that they last about 2 minutes at the most. If she gets on top then they last about 20 seconds.
Howard asked if she's ever been peed on. She said no to that. She said she's not into that. She said she won't do the poopie thing but maybe the pee thing. Howard asked if she's ever had a black guy. She said that she's not racist but that's just not for her.
Howard asked if she would do a light skinned black guy. She said that she just hasn't done it and she didn't say she won't do it. She said that she would do Obama and even comp him.
Howard asked if she's not attracted to black guys. Cami said that's just not for her. Cami said that a lot of black guys have a cockiness that she doesn't like. Howard asked if she's done Hispanic guys. She said that's just not her thing. She asked them to stop after a couple of minutes because she felt they were abusing her with the questions.
A caller said that he was jerking off to this chick. She said she loved that. The caller told them to get her on the Sybian. She said she was up for it so the guys got that set up. Howard said that she needs to tell them what's going on inside of her while it's happening.
Artie told her that the bad news is that the Sybian is black. She told him to stop with that.
Howard gave Cami some more plugs as she was getting ready to ride the Sybian. Howard said she had nice shoes on. She got on the Sybian and Howard had Gary started it up. They had to ask Gary to put a mask on first. Howard asked Cami if she wanted him to have one on. She didn't say anything to that.
Howard told Cami to call the Sybian ''electric Daddy.'' Gary started the machine up and Cami as calling it her Electric Daddy. She said it did feel good too. She kept saying ''Wow!'' and ''Oh my god!'' while she was riding it. She said she was going to play with her titties a little bit too. Cami came and said that it did work. She said that it made her cum like nothing else.
Howard wrapped up with Cami and gave her some more plugs for the Cat House show on HBO and the web site. Cami told the guys to come out to the Bunny Ranch and check out her pussy. Artie added ''... unless you're a black guy.'' Cami told him to stop with that.
Howard asked Cami if she would do any terrorists. She said that she's not racist. She said that she won't do a terrorist and she's not racist. Howard said he had to end it after that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said that Beth was on Tyra Banks' show yesterday. He said they were talking about farting and she said that she had never farted in front of Howard. Howard said she hasn't. Howard said that goes a long way with him too. Howard said he likes being married to this woman and he's enjoying it. He said that he thinks the marriage has made the relationship stronger too. The caller said that they're all in from what he's seen.
Howard asked the caller, Don, if he wanted to play the gossip game with Mike Walker. The guy said he did. Howard said he was going to play for $711 courtesy of 7-Eleven. Howard asked Fred to lock him in on the phone but he didn't have the sound effect ready.
Howard said Mike was on the phone this morning instead of on the ISDN line. Howard asked Mike about the Letterman sex tape and if he thinks there actually is one. Mike seemed to think that there could be one. He said that to the best of his knowledge there is one. He said that's what they've heard. Mike said that they don't do things until they know so they can back up what they say. He said they haven't seen this tape so that's as far as he can go. He wouldn't say if anyone there at the Enquirer had seen the tape yet.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
aNother caller asked why they do the gossip game every week when he has to know that it's just as boring as the Top 10 on Letterman. He asked Howar dif he could have JD come in adn decide on the game. Howard said he gets a lot of mail from people who enjoy it. Artie sai dhe likes palyhign the game even though he makes it seem that he doesn't. Howard said he's goign to keep the game.
Antoher caller asekd Howard if he would shave his head for a movie role if he was aksed to. Howard said he would do that for the right role. He said he is the type of actor who would commit to the character totally. Howard said he did that in his last movie, Private Parts, where he looked exactly like the guy he was playing. Howard said he would even get a sex change for a role.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he loves them. He asked about the Sybian rides and said that it gives most of them big boners. He asked if Robin has ever gotten squishy feeling during those rides. Howard asked Robin if she has ever felt sexy during those things. Robin said she's usually reading the paper during those rides. She said she will look at them once in a while to see what they're up to when they make those odd noises.
Howard said he thought Cami was for real because she was all swollen down below and it looked legitimate to him. Howard said she had a smokin' body on her. He said the guys will see when they watch on Howard TV tomorrow night.
The caller asked Robin if anyone has caught an odor from Robin's stinky place. Howard said that's ridiculous. He said that's insulting to Robin and to him. Artie said he thought he smelled something but it turned out to be JD.
Howard said Johnny was at an Emmy party and he ran into Chris O'Donnell. Johnny asked Chris what it was like working with Artie Lange. Chris said he loves Artie. He had to go with him over Al Pacino. Chris said he listened to Artie's book on tape and loved it. Artie said that guy is always a gentleman.
Artie said he thinks that Johnny is answering questions for the guy and he shouldn't do that. Howard said Johnny is a chatterbox. He said he got an interview with Kathie Lee Gifford and never asked her about Howard Stern. Howard played that clip as well. Johnny asked her if she would let her daughter date Chris Brown. Howard said she's really into being a Christian and there's no way she'd let her daughter date the guy. Johnny asked Kathie Lee a bunch of other questions and never brought up Howard's name. Kathie Lee didn't have a clue that he was from the Stern Show. He was Mr. Nice Guy to Kathie Lee so she left the interview in a good mood.
Howard played a clip of Johnny asking John Cryer if he has ever seen Charlie Sheen getting a blow job on set. John said that he hasn't. Johnny also asked if he would bang Denise Richards. John said he wouldn't do that. Howard replayed that and said that John was saying that he was ''so tired'' that he couldn't stick around long.
Howard played a clip of Johnny trying to ask Kara Dioguardi some questions. She didn't stick around when she heard he was from the Howard Stern Show.
Howard said Johnny got an interview with someone by the name of Jay Alexander. He had no idea who that was. Gary informed him that he was on America's Top Model. Johnny asked Jay a question that kind of stumped him. He was asked about his fantasy girl and Jay started to get into that and then asked him about Howard Stern. Jay said that Howard must be hung like a horse.
Howard said Johnny is doing well with the questions. He liked the way he did those interviews. Howard went into an impression of him for a few seconds. Howard said Johnny can calm down now that he's heard those interviews played.
Gary came in and told Howard that Shuli had a list of people that Steve has been at war with. There were names like Mel Karmazin, Michael Moore and people like that. Steve said Mel isn't on that list because he's never had a fight with him. Steve said he and Michael Moore had a discussion outside of the studio one day a couple of years ago.
Gary said that Shuli has a list of things that Lisa G will just say out of nowhere. Gary said that they liked the one where she says ''I wonder what Robin is doing right this second.'' Robin said that's almost relevant. Robin said some of the other stuff was crazier. She once blurted out ''Sandbags are so archaic.'' That's the kind of stuff Robin was talking about.
Steve got to his news and said that Captain Janks has another arrest warrant out. Howard said Janks called them the other day and left a message. He played that and it sounded like things were all being worked out. Janks said that he can't talk about it yet but he'd like to come up to the show to thank Artie for helping him out. Janks aid that he'd like to plant a kiss on his naked butt cheeks.
Howard said he thought it was almost worked out. Steve said ''absolutely not.'' Steve said he has a lot of stuff ahead of him.
Steve said that they have more about the Jay Leno show stealing from Howard's show and the head of NBC is saying he's sick of being number 4. Steve said that they might be able to fix that by getting rid of Jay's show.
Howard said NBC could go out and buy a bunch of good shows and bring themselves right back up to number 1. He said they can find a huge hit and they can put it on at 8 o'clock and keep the ratings up the whole night. They've lost all of that with their shows and Leno's show is dragging that down even more.
Steve said that Ass Napkin Ed is saying that there is no refund for the guy who paid for the backstage tickets to the show that Artie canceled. Ed was contacted by Paypal and did pay it back though when the buyer filed a complaint.
Steve said that Sal and Richard might be in hiding lately. They've been hidden ever since Howard went off on them about the strip club party. Howard said he doesn't see much energy coming out of that room so they had better get some things going. Howard said that he had to call them out on that party because they took advantage of them over there at Rick's. Howard said they have to open their door and get with it.
Howard said he wants team spirit and he doesn't want them thinking that they're against everyone else there. Howard said he didn't yell too harshly at either of them and he just wanted Sal to get his friend in line. Howard said Richard should know better than to do that stuff.
Gary said it's very weird because Richard was IM'ing him but their door was still shut. Gary said he had a conversation with them the other day and the door has been closed a lot lately. Howard said they have to get to work and stop keeping people out. Gary said that they're even staying off the Wrap Up Show.
Sal came into the studio and said that they're breaking their ass back there. He said that they're doing their job and sometimes they like to keep their door closed. He said they don't have an agenda. Artie said that he thinks that Richard would break if he came in there. Sal is able to stone wall him. Howard said he doesn't want to hear anything about his attitude out there. Sal said he doesn't have to worry about that. Howard said he loves those guys but he has to straighten them out once in a while. Howard told Steve to keep up the good work on those stories.
Howard had Jon Hein run down his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon came in and went over all of the stuff they had coming up today.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the line to talk about tonight's show. Mutt said that they will be starting a Beck's Superfan Giveaway contest on the show. He said that they're going to pick 3 people to come on Howard's show to do a trivia show. They're going to talk about a lot of other stuff like Medicated Pete and a lot of other stuff that happened this week. Superfan Roundtable is on tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Robin read some news about this Steve Phillips story where the 22 year old contacted his family and tried to cause problems in his marriage. Robin said that Steve has taken some time off to get away from all of that.
Howard took a call from the woman who contacted them about dating Pete. Her name was Chris. She was the grand larceny chick. Howard asked what that was all about. She said that she took some money, $8,000, from her employer and ended up in jail for 8 months. Chris said that she had a gambling problem and that's why she took the money. Howard said it would have been cool if she had taken the money for breast implants.
Howard asked Chris if she can be trusted now. She said that she is completely rehabilitated. She said that 8 months on Riker's Island will do that to you. Howard asked if there was any lesbian stuff going on with her there. She said that she didn't do anything but it was going on around her.
Howard asked Chris if she's had any trouble finding a job since then. She said that she wants to go to school for court reporting. She said she's not sure how this is going to affect her.
Howard asked Chris what makes her want Pete. She said she loves his singing and he seems adorable and genuine to her. She said that he's honest, adorable and cute. She said that she just wants to go out with him and see how it goes. Howard asked how she got over her problems with gambling. She said she had nothing when she got out of jail so that put an end to all of that.
Howard said it's weird when a chick is doing that gambling stuff. Artie said he finds it hot. He asked her who she liked in the North Carolina game.
Howard asked Pete if he was listening to this. Pete said he didn't hear it all. Pete asked her some questions and found out that she's 37 and she lives nearby. She was in Queens so it wasn't too far at all. Howard asked if the criminal background bothered him at all. Pete said that was cool if she was working things out.
Chris said she's trying to pay the money back and she's working it all out. She said that she knows she'd have to earn his trust. Howard asked Pete if he's been to jail. Pete said he hasn't.
Howard asked Pete if he wanted to try her out. Pete was cool with it. Howard said she didn't look half bad either. Howard showed Pete her picture and Robin said she was cute. Howard wasn't sure about her body. He said she could be a little chubby. Robin said Pete didn't say that would bother him.
Howard said he had another chick for him. This time the guys in the back had clips of the Rappin Granny. They had her talking about her ride on the Sybian. Howard said that she'd probably be a home run date for Pete. Howard said maybe they'll get her down there too. Pete didn't know they were jerking him around with that.
Dominic Barbara called in and told the guys about how people get fired for alleged harassment and they end up suing the company and get their jobs back. He was filling them in on some details about the Letterman thing and the Steve Phillips story too. He said that they may not like what Dave did but it happens in the real world all the time. They had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and had Robin get back to her news that she had barely started earlier. Robin asked what should happen to the cheating husbands. Howard said the wives should leave them. He said sometimes they can work it out but he's not sure that everyone can. Howard said he's not sure what Elliot Spitzer's wife is doing. Robin said that Steve Phillips did this to his wife before and he ended up doing it again. Howard said he'd be out if a woman cheated on him.
Howard said he had a girlfriend who was seeing other guys but that didn't stop him from seeing her. Howard said he wanted to keep having sex with her. He said that you can put up with it depending on the situation you're in. Howard said it's tough to be in a relationship where the other person doesn't love you back. Howard said it's got to be handled on a case by case basis.
Robin said that they took a poll in Brunei where most of the people are Muslim and they say that the husbands should be whipped. Howard said he wants to talk to David Letterman and ask how things are going at home. He said this has been going on for a couple of weeks now so he wants to know. He said he's sure Dave wants it to just go away. Howard said he'd like to hear a state of the union kind of speech from Dave. He said he should come on and talk about what's really going on because it would be great TV. Howard said it would be really tough to do Dave's show right now. He said that he'd have a tough time not bringing up all of this stuff that's going on.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about the people that Dave must be talking to about this stuff. He said it's probably Regis and Harvey Pekar.
Robin read a story about KISS drummer Peter Criss coming out and talking about male breast cancer. Robin said he's been out talking about his about with breast cancer. Howard said he should check his chest for lumps. He wanted to check Benjy too since he has those breasts that come to his sides. Howard jokingly said he knows one guy who has uterine cancer. Howard said he found out that Beth's uncle had died of breast cancer.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it would be great if Letterman had Steve Phillips on to interview. Howard said that would be a good one. He said he'll pass that along to the people at Letterman's show to let them know. Howard said John Edwards could be in that mix too. He said they could do a 2 hour show with the three of them. That eventually led to Artie doing his Stuttering John impression and Howard saying that he does that impression that Fred does like 20 minutes a day. Fred wasn't able to do it today because of his voice being fucked up.
Robin read a story about Latoya Jackson fearing that she'll be the next to die. She thinks that her brother was murdered and she might be next. Howard said he saw a Michael Jackson tribute on Dancing with the Stars and now the whole family is out there. He said Latoya came out and talked about how influential her brother was. He said that she came on his show and said that her brother was a child molester. He wondered how anyone forgot that. Robin said they didn't but some people must have.
Howard said he clearly remembers Latoya saying some bad things about her brother. Robin said she ran into her in the bathroom at K-Rock one time and she was in there crying. Robin said Latoya told her she was afraid of Jack and she had to get away from her. Robin said she didn't do anything and just went back into the studio after that. Robin said Latoya told her not to say anything. Howard said that she could have stayed on the air and made an announcement that she had to get away from the guy. Howard said she could have announced that on the air and asked the cops to come. Howard said he bets Tom Chiusano wouldn't have let her stay. He probably would have kicked her out of the building.
Robin said that she was amazed that such a little man could cause so many problems with Latoya. That led to the guys talking about how they don't really do anything when they see people in distress. Artie said he saw a famous football player treating a girl like shit one time and he went up and said something to him. The guy told him to get the fuck away from him but in the meantime the bouncers got him.
Jason said that he and some other guys were in Amsterdam and they saw a woman being robbed. They watched her getting robbed and waited for the guy to leave. Then they went over and asked her for directions.
Robin said that Amy Winehouse's father Mitch said something about his daughter's boobs being great when he was asked how she was doing. He knew that he had said something wrong as soon as he said that. She apparently spent $56,000 on a boob job. Robin said that's what the story said. Howard said it must have been $5,600.
Robin read about this guy who was the latest Bachelor. He's gotten engaged to one of the women from the show. Robin said that they're actually going to tie the knot. Howard said he can't wait for the next season.
Robin said that the Phillies are going to be in the World Series. Howard said the Yankees should be in there too. They have to win against the Angels tonight. Howard wondered why they don't have a domed stadium there because people are going to freeze their nuts off there. Robin said that they play during the summer and spring so they don't really need one. Artie said that as you get older it is hard to sit in that shit weather but people like nostalgia and they like sitting outside.
Robin read about the way the Yankees fell apart toward the end of the playoffs last year. Robin had some audio of some fans talking about their high hopes for this season.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how his Blackberry Tour phone is. Howard said he loves it and he hated the other one he had because of the crappy AT&T phone service. He said this phone works even in the basement of the building they're in.
Another caller asked Howard why he's so jealous of people who make money. He said that the Rush Limbaugh complaints were ridiculous. Howard tried to explain it to the guy but the caller kept saying it doesn't matter and he shouldn't whine about it. Howard said the guy should have some integrity and not rip off his fans for every penny.
Another caller said he used to see Rush Limbaugh driving around in a Bentley. He has a $35 million house down in Palm Beach and he's still selling soap to his fans. Howard said that he probably makes an extra $18,000 selling soap. He said it would be cooler not to sell soap. Howard said Rush could give away stuff to his fans instead and that would make it okay.
Robin had some audio of Joe Torre talking about his team's loss to the Phillies last night. Robin also said that President Obama is giving Bill Thompson support for his run for Mayor of New York. Howard said he thinks that Obama is actually impressed with Bloomberg but he can't say that because Bloomberg is a Republican.
Robin had some audio of Dick Cheney talking about Obama's war strategy. He was basically saying that it's the same old thing that they were doing when they were in office. Howard said that Bush is nowhere to be found now. He's busy chopping wood and running. He said that he can tell his father he was President and he's no longer an asshole.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she wanted to drink a cup of coffee out of a Howard Stern mug. She told Howard he should sell that kind of stuff. Howard thanked her for that and got her off the line as quick as possible.
Robin read a story about the medical marijuana places out in California and how they're going to start regulating them better. They're going to make sure they're serving only those who need it. Howard said it's the least of our problems in this country. He said he was reading about a 98 year old black woman who lives in a shitty neighborhood who was shot to death because she was caught in a gang war. He said the bullet went through her hip and into her heart. Howard said that the gangs are fighting over drug turf. He said it would all stop if they legalized all of this stuff. Howard said Artie would even be able to get to work every day if it was all legalized. Howard said he's not a pot smoker but he thinks that it should be legalized. He said they should make it legal, tax it and just knock it off already.
Robin read a story about John Lennon Day. They're trying to get the day turned into a holiday. Robin read more details about that.
Robin said Jon Bon Jovi is hoping to be the first band to perform in the new Meadowlands stadium. Howard said he hopes his dream comes true. Like he hasn't had enough of his dreams come true.
Robin read about Lisa Marie Presley having a baby. Howard said he saw that she got pretty fat. She's also moved to London. Robin read that she moved there after she had kids in 2008. They say that the quality of life is better over there for them.
Robin said that Adam Lambert has a new music video out. Robin had some of the audio that she had Howard play. Howard played the song and said that he was overwhelmed since he had been waiting so long for that. Artie said he he felt like he had ovaries now that he heard that song. Robin also read that they want to have a retrial for the John Travolta case in the Bahamas. They had to end the show a short time later, right around 10:55am.
Jon said that she seems very happy in her line of work and with Dennis Hof. Jon said that it was kind of creepy with her calling him ''Daddy.'' Gary said that he always expects these girls to blink ''S.O.S.'' or something when he sees them.
The guys talked about what it would be like for them to have to bang ugly chicks if they were whores. Teddy said he's pretty sure he could never do anything like that.
Jon played a clip of Cami talking about not doing black guys and saying that she's not racist, she just doesn't do them. She was also saying that she would do a Martian over the other people they were asking about.
Benjy said she sounded kind of retarded but she just had that weird speech impediment. He said that she sounded like that Madonna Character from Desperately Seeking Susan. He said he was pretty sure it was just a speech impediment.
The guys were talking about the book she talked about reading and how they think they had heard of it before. It was the ''Tickle the Pickle'' book.
Gary said Cami knew just how to use that Sybian and went right with it. Jon asked if they were surprised that she was an anal virgin. They were talking about how she wanted $25,000 to lose it to a guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Medicated Pete sounds like Jackie Martling to him. He asked if they've picked up on that. Gary said he didn't get that or the Sam Kinison thing. The caller said Robin sounds like she's high on weed too when she screws up on the show. Gary said she would never do that and she's starving herself so that wouldn't work.
Jon brought up Lisa G and the problems she had on the show yesterday. They talked about that again this morning so they talked about how offended she seems to be since she's such a big fan of the show. Jon said she's very passionate about the show. Gary said he is too but he's never cried over the show like she did. Gary said he thinks that she needs some distractions in her life to help balance it all out.
A caller said that he thought Cami sounded like Marissa Tomei in ''My Cousin Vinnie'' when he heard her. He said she sounded Italian to him so he had to check out her pictures on the web.
Another caller said that he's from Canada and he was trying to place that accent. He said that it was like 2 percent Vancouver and 98 percent retarded whore. He said that maybe her vocal chords were damaged by too many cocks banging the back of her throat. The caller said he liked her Sybian ride though. He said he's still waiting for Robin to ride that thing. Gary said there's more chance of Bruce Springsteen going on American Idol. Gary said there's nothing that he can think of that they could give her to do that.
A caller asked if they have ever done any search to find someone who has banged Lisa G. Gary said she put a stop to a lead they had on a guy. He said it was the only guy they had a lead on and that didn't work out.
Another caller said that he went out to a whore house out in Nevada and the chick spoke like Lou Ferrigno. He said that he thinks that it was really seedy and skeevy so it's not for him. He said that they have this big metal door keeping people out of the place. Gary asked if the guy made it to the bedroom. The guy said that he did get there and they told him it was $250 for 15 minutes. He said that was too much for him so he got out of there.
The caller said that he would never go to a place like that but Gary told him he just said he did go there, it was just too expensive for him.
Benjy said that he used to go to places in Philly when he was in college. Benjy said he's been to the Bunny Ranch too. He said he and his buddy Kip went out there for a weekend. Benjy said he thought it was going to be unlimited but he only got like 3 a day. Gary said that's a lot. Benjy said it's a really friendly environment out there. He said it's hard being in there and not having sex. Gary asked what you do then. Benjy said they would sit around chit chatting with the girls.
Jon said he loves that Benjy thought he had a buffet but he was actually on a meal plan. Gary asked how they told him who he could have. Benjy said that he would just ask if he could have a particular girl and they'd let him do her. He said it was a lot of fun and it was free so it was great.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about Howard and the merchandise stuff. He said he's been fine with Howard not doing it but if Howard doesn't re-sign then maybe he should give the fans something to show they were there for ''the revolution.'' He said he'd like something to show that. Gary said that Howard wouldn't do it and he'd feel that he was taking advantage of the fans if he did. Gary said Howard has put out CDs and movies and stuff but that's about it. It's just not in his DNA to put out that other kind of stuff.
Gayr said Howard isn't a collector either so that's another reason he doens't get the whole autograhp thing or the colecting of stuff liek other radio guys sell.
Sam said that the show is disastrous and they're looking for something to save it so they steal from both Bill Maher and Howard. He said they do a lame version of something instead of something original. He said it's kind of disgraceful and the show is horrible.
Sam said they had Rainn Wilson on the show and he had to play ''Earn Your Plugs.'' He said that he plugged that he's the new guy on the NBA on TNT and they promoted him and then he plugs this web site. Then Jay tells him that he has to earn his plug, after he plugged that stuff. He said they showed a pre-shot bit that was horrible and it turns out that the house they were messing up was Weird Al Yankovic's house. He said there's no suspense in earning the plugs because he already gave them out.
Sam said that he was plugging a number one show on NBC with the biggest NBC fan on the network, Jay Leno, and it was such a lame version of the things that they do on Howard's show.
Jon asked Sam what his opinion was on what was going on with the Leno show from NBC's perspective. Sam said he's not sure that they could get any viewers back and the show is going to change NBC in a way that they'll never recover from it. He said that there are so many other places where they're doing those dramas that NBC isn't doing that they'll keep going. Sam said he thinks that Howard could do a 10 o'clock show and make it interesting. He said that Leno did the worst version of the Tonight Show and put him in that 10 o'clock spot and it's not working.
Gary said that Jay got huge ratings with the Tonight Show. Jon said that he did and he got ratings that were comparable with Johnny Carson. He said that Jay won consistently for years and he kept that show going for years with his ratings. Jon said that the Leno show is killing NBC now and they're going to have to do something drastic to fix it.
Jon brought up the media covering Jay ripping off Howard is great to hear because it brings it to another level. Sam said that Howard is going to be very happy in the next few months. He said they should have plenty of stories about that stuff.
Sam said that they take submissions for jokes on that show and they have 25 writers on the show. He said that they may have 100 potential contributors for that opening monologue and it's still horrible. Sam said that Jay is the one picking them and the biggest problem with the show is Jay. He said that Jay isn't compelling or funny as a personality. He said he's not interesting enough to have a show. He said he's on 5 hours a week too.
Jon and Gary let Sam go and talked about the Rainn Wilson ads that they were talking about and how they're a rip off of the old Donal Logue commercials he did for MTV years ago. Gary said that he's not a big fan of Rainn Wilson.
Gary said he's friends with Donal Logue on Facebook so Benjy asked if that's his biggest friend on there. Gary said that Chris Rock is the biggest one on there. He said he's one of Chris' 175 friends so that's a big deal for him. Gary said he's a Facebook star fucker too. He said he goes after famous people and real friends of his from high school.
Steve Brandano told the guys that he went on Facebook when he first started out and added everyone from The Wire to his list. He said that almost everyone responded to him too. He said that he's still waiting for Method Man to get back to him but just about everyone else became his friend.
Gary said that he finds himself talking to his cousins and old high school friends on Facebook. He said that Fran Drescher and Kathy Griffin just plug stuff on there so that's what he reads about them.
Benjy said that he's a fan of one of the Real Housewives chicks. He said he writes negative stuff on her page. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon moved on to talk about Robin's wine collection. She claims to have about 600 bottles stored in a storage facility. Jon said he wanted to ask Robin how she gets a bottle if she needs it. He wondered if she needs to dispatch Captain Dennis down to get it.
Jon said that there were flowers there for Robin this morning from Clarence Clemons. Gary said that he's never surprised at how people love Robin.
Benjy said that he thinks that Robin thought of it as something he did wrong. He wasn't sure if she took it as just a nice gesture.
Jon played a clip from the show where Robin and Howard were talking about the wine thing and how Robin doesn't drink to get buzzed.
Gary said he thinks Robin was just saying she doesn't drink that much and she's not drinking to get drunk. He said she's saying she likes the taste. He said if you drink a couple of glasses you're going to get buzzed. Gary said that some of the wine glasses out there can hold almost a whole bottle of wine in them.
Benjy tried to link the wine drinking to Robin missing people but Gary told him that call back was such a long reach that it just didn't work.
Jon said that Langford did a story about Sal and Richard hiding in their office lately. He said that Sal came in and denied it and said that they're working hard back there and Howard kind of dropped it. Jon asked if there is a story there. Gary said that there probably is one there and there is something to it.
Shuli was in and said that he thinks that there is something to it. He said he spoke to them and they do tend to stay away from the show when something blows up like the strip club thing did. Shuli said that they denied that they are avoiding the show but they don't want to step on any toes. He
Jon took a call from a guy who said it's crazy for Robin saying she doesn't drink to get a buzz. He said it's a silly thing to say. Jon said everyone thought it was silly except for Robin.
The caller said that he stores wine himself and he can go in and get it anytime he wants. He said that some of the facilities are huge down where he lives. He said that they have a lot of them inside where he lives.
Gary said he had to put some stuff in public storage and he had that stuff temperature controlled. Jon asked if the place is far away from him. The guy said it's not that far away. He said that he can get to it pretty easily. He said he keeps a few cases in the house for entertaining and the rest is stored in the storage place. He said it's only $60 a month to store it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that a lot of wine people don't drink wine, they swish it around and spit it out. Gary asked where he's seen that. It's only at wine tasting's. The guy said that there are people who like the taste and don't drink it. Gary said that if Robin owns a bottle and cracks it open and drinks it, she has to be getting buzzed. The caller agreed with him on that.
Shuli had a list of stuff that Lisa has yelled out for no apparent reason. He read through that list which included things like...
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that he'd be a great guy to date Lisa G. The guy was in Erie, Pennsylvania so Gary said that he'd be wrong for her geographically. Gary said that he's pretty sure Lisa wouldn't go out with him and she's not really interested in them finding her a date.
Another caller said that Lisa has some weird stuff going on in her life and she's almost like a ''Where's Waldo'' thing with the pictures she has on her site. He said maybe this isn't the right career path for her and she's gone off track.
Jon said he doesn't think that she's becoming a tragic figure like this guy was saying. Gary said that she'd probably be happier if she had something going on socially in her life. Gary said that she needs anything to distract her to balance out her life.
Jon took one more call from a guy who asked what Lisa would do if he tried to have an affair with her. Shuli said she'd bang him. Gary said it would be like a screen door in a hurricane. Benjy said he doesn't think she'd do that. Gary said he thinks she would. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:35am.