|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started off the show welcoming everyone to a live, brand new show. George Takei was sitting in so Howard tried to get his microphone on but he forgot which switch it was. He figured that out and then asked George when he was last there. George said it was more than 3 months which was way too long.
George congratulated Howard on his upcoming wedding and the merger. Howard congratulated him on his upcoming wedding to Brad as well.
George said that he and Brad are looking forward to that and they had a lot of media coverage about it. Howard said that they really did have a lot of coverage. George said that the wedding is on the 14th of September. They have a marriage license and that's what got them so much media coverage.
Howard said that they're saying that he's gotten married this weekend but he hasn't. He said he doesn't get why there's so much coverage and why people care so much. He said that he doesn't even have a marriage license yet.
Howard asked George what they had to do to get their marriage license. George said it was just a driver's license and $70. Howard said he has to have his birth certificate and a bunch of other stuff including his divorce papers to get his.
Artie said that George and Brad could have said they weren't gay but wanted to get married and maybe that would have worked years ago. Robin said that wouldn't have worked.
George talked about the swarm of media coverage he and Brad had when they got their license and how crazy things god. Howard said that this seems to be good for his career.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she wanted to congratulate Howard on his marriage because she fell for all of that stuff that was in the paper this weekend. Howard said that the stuff in the NY Post is all wrong and they were wrong about this whole thing. He said he would have told Mariann when he was getting married.
Howard said that he's getting tired of this whole thing and he's done talking about it. He said he didn't want to tell Mariann when he was getting married because there's too much hoopla about the whole thing.
Howard let Mariann go and played some news clips where they were reporting on his rumored wedding. All of the reporters were getting Beth's last name wrong when they were reading their teleprompters.
Howard said that Beth's last name is Polish and he's surprised he's marrying a Pole based on everything he heard about the Poles when he was growing up. He did an impression of his mother telling him stories about what was going on there in World War II. He said that it was some scary stuff he heard from her and he'd have nightmares about it.
Howard played some more news reports about his marriage that all of these people got wrong. Howard said that Beth took a picture of her tattoo on her arm and offered to send it over to Doug Herwitt, who runs Howard's web site, but he didn't know what he was going to do with that. Howard said that was kind of funny and Beth felt kind of dumb for offering it to him.
Howard played another report where the reporter was really having a problem reading the story about the wedding. Howard said that one was from Birmingham, Alabama. The woman said that the news scared her somehow. Howard said that her read scared him. Howard said that this is all creeping him out. He said that it shows that the show is popular but it's embarrassing that there's all of this carrying on.
Robin said that they were making a big deal out of this and they'll make a bigger deal out of something like this if it doesn't work out. She said that it'll make it a worse tragedy than it really is.
Howard said he read that Paul McCartney is getting married again or he's talking about it at least. Howard said he thinks Paul learned a good lesson from that last marriage.
Howard said that he and Beth had another heart to heart about the baby thing. He said that he really doesn't want kids and Beth claims she doesn't either. Howard said that he's the one who brought it up, not Beth. She really doesn't want to have kids. Howard said that she did say something about adopting a Chinese baby but he's not going there either. Artie said that they do get big. Howard said that he tells Beth that if he was going to have a baby, he'd have his own.
Howard said he's up front with Beth about this baby thing. He's just making sure that she doesn't want a baby before they get married.
George said that Brad has asked him about kids before. He jokingly said he won't carry his own either. They would adopt if they were going to have a kid. George said that Jimmy Doohan had a kid when he was 80 years old. The kid was 5 when his father died and he doesn't think that's fair to the kid.
Howard asked George if they made love on a night that they usually don't have sex on. George said that they usually do it on Sunday mornings. It's almost always on Sunday mornings. He said that they did it on a Monday this one time the night before they went out and got their license. George said that Monday night nothing happened.
George said that Brad was so nervous that he was frozen up because of the whole thing. Howard said that he must have been nervous and it must be hard on Brad to go through all of this. George said that it's all going to be a joyful thing.
Howard and Artie talked about the gifts that they were giving to George. Artie made a donation to the Human Rights Foundation in George's name.
George said that Arnold Schwarzenegger is on their side in this whole thing. Howard said that he remembers George yelling at (Fake) Arnold on the show when they first started out there at SIRIUS. Robin said that Arnold hurt his leg again this weekend. George said that he's carrying a lot of weight right now.
Howard said that Artie gave him a John Belushi book with stories about his life and he was thinking that Artie was heading in the same direction as he was. He said that it reminded him a lot of Artie's live but Artie has gotten some help.
Howard talked about some of the stuff going on in Belushi's life when he died at the young age of 33. Howard said that he was a really talented guy from what he could tell. Artie said that there are some parallels between his life and Chris Farley's. He said that they both died at 33 and they both had strange women giving them drugs that led to their death.
George told Artie that he saw him on Entourage and he was very good on that. He said that he looks great and his eyes are all clear.
Artie said that he's been sober for 19 days now. George said that he's a delicious looking person this morning. Artie said that Brad is going to be jealous when he hears that.
Howard said that the one thing that he regrets is not banging Jillian. He said that she's so in love with him that it would probably be mind blowing sex. He thinks that she would have licked his asshole if they had sex. He said that no chick has ever done that to him. He thinks that she could have been the one to do that.
Jillian spent a few minutes talking about the wedding with her co-hosts and they were being kind of nice to him. Robin said that Dorothy Lucy isn't usually that nice to Howard, she usually cuts Jillian off. Howard said that he should have sex with both of them.
Artie said that the dynamic of that show is funny because it looks like some older dude hired a couple of hookers to hang out with him.
King of All Blacks called in and said that he doesn't understand why Howard is going to deny Beth from having kids. Howard said that he's not denying her anything, she can have kids if she wants to, just not with him. King said that she will want kids and he can't stop her from wanting that. Howard said he's not trying to stop her, he just doesn't want any himself.
Howard said there are people out there who don't want kids. Robin doesn't want any, his niece doesn't want any and there are many others. Howard said that Beth told him that if she ever has that need to have kids, she will end the marriage. King said ''Yeah, right.''
King of All Blacks said that he thinks Beth is just telling him what he wants to hear. Robin said that there are people who change their minds and Beth could change hers some day. She said that there are also women who are willing to give up something like that to be with the person they love.
King said he thinks that Beth is just telling Howard what he wants to hear and she secretly really does want to have a kid.
Howard said that he should call Jillian and see if he could have sex with her. He said that she did tell him in the past that she would.
Johnny Fratto called in and said that he will have kids. He said he hates that King of All Blacks but he agrees with him on that stuff. Johnny said he didn't want to have more kids but he has a little one now. Howard asked him if his wife started brow beating him into it.
Johnny said that his wife snuck up on him with no rubbers or anything and had sex with him. He said that having a kid is the last thing he thought about. Howard said that Johnny let it happen though. Johnny said that this girl is a rational girl. He said that it's the body that wants the baby.
Howard told Johnny that he made the decision to have the baby by putting it in her without a condom. Johnny said that he never thought at the time that he was going to have another kid. Robin said that Johnny wasn't fooled into having a kid.
Howard said that Johnny knew what he was doing by not having a rubber on. Howard said that he wears a rubber and he's not going to have a kid.
Johnny said that he had a dog that was like a baby for them. Once the baby came they sent the dog off to Iowa. He said that his wife was buying clothes for the dog and that was perfect because it was like having a baby. Then the baby came and now there's another one coming. Johnny said that he's talking about baby names every day now.
Johnny said he hates kids and that's the most fucked up part of the whole deal. He said he's a terrible father. He said he buys his kids a lot of stuff but they talk to him and he doesn't want to talk to them.
Johnny said that he's trying to save Howard's life here and Beth will want to have kids eventually. He said that he can tell just from looking at pictures that she's going to need to have kids. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
George said that this conversation makes him glad that he's gay. Howard said he had a gay friend who told him that he thought that things would be less complicated if he were straight. Howard said he told that guy that he was nuts and things would be even more complicated.
Howard said that he thinks that Chris is coming there to SIRIUS and that's a good thing to see. He said that he read that Mel Karmazin made him a deal to come over there. Artie said that Chris is very entertaining to listen to, especially when he's on his own.
Howard said that he heard that Russo was upset that they weren't treating him very well over at CBS. Gary said that Russo and Mike Francesa weren't really friendly toward each other and they let that be known on the show sometimes.
Howard thinks that if the guy brings over thousands of fans, he's worth the money they're going to pay him. The guys talked about their show and what that was like.
Howard said that he's glad that SIRIUS is hiring the guy and that they'll be able to have him doing his thing without tons of commercials. He said it'll be interesting to see how that all works out.
Howard said that Chris Russo called into the show after he split up and ended up breaking down and crying as he was talking about how good the show was. He played a clip of him getting upset and crying as he was talking about how he was going to miss the show.
Artie said that those guys were together for 19 years and their 20th anniversary was coming up. He told some history about how those guys got together and some of the stuff that went on over at WFAN when they were working with Imus.
Howard said that he thinks that Francesa kind of broke some rules there by joking around with Russo when he was crying. He said that he should have let him cry instead of ruining the moment. He thinks that Russo is the better broadcaster.
Gary said that he's looking forward to Russo coming there. He said that what they were missing was a big sports guy there. Artie said that Russo would do Letterman and stuff like that and he's kind of animated and odd looking when he talks. Artie thinks that he's more entertaining than Francesa.
Howard cut Gary off before he could say more about this guy. He said it was enough about him. Gary left but Howard felt bad for cutting him off. He had him come back in to say what he wanted to say. Gary said that Russo and Francesa used to work together and they barely spoke off the air. He said that it was very hard to watch them on the YES network when they were working together. He said they could have worked in different locations instead of working together.
Artie said that he was listening to Jay Thomas' show the other day and he was amazed at how great that sounds considering that they're not in the same room together. Howard said that Jay has asked him why he comes into work when he could work out of his house. Howard said he likes to see guests reactions and look in their eyes, plus they have a TV show they're making there.
Howard said that they're going to give George a bachelor party on the show this week. George said that he hasn't been a bachelor in 20 years. George said that Brad will probably have a thought or two on that. Howard told George that he's going to get the best blow job ever from Fred. Fred said that he's going to give him anal and they can try it both ways if he wants.
Howard said they have a lot of events planned for George this bachelor party. He said that they're going to have songs, Jonah Falcon the 14 inch cock guy, ''Guess What's In My Ass'' game, nude Twister with Sal and Richard and much more. Gary said that they're also going to have the Cowboy from the Village People sing ''YMCA'' to George. George said that would have been great live. Gary said that he's on the road so that's why he won't be in there.
Artie said he could feel the flu coming back and he might not be in that day. Robin said that this is going to knock Artie right off the wagon this week.
George said that this is the first Monday that he's there and Artie is there too. Artie said that he forgot that he was coming in this week. Artie said that he can't believe that Sal and Richard agreed to do nude twister with each other.
Howard said they're going to have a prettiest penis contest this week. He asked George what he's going to look for there. George said he will be looking at muscle and didn't really have a preference for shaved or unshaved. Howard asked George if he likes circumcised or uncircumcised. George said it all depends on the whole package. He said he doesn't have a preference there either. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said he heard that Sal was over there for a really long time. Gary said Sal was there for about 7 and a half hours from what he heard. <:P>Sal said that he was having fun over there and time was just flying. Howard said that when he was married he was doing about that much time at Scores. Sal said that he's very personable over there. The guys saw him talking to one of the women about her family vacation. Sal said that when you're married any girl is good over there and he doesn't have a favorite.
George said that he was interested in finding out more about this Rick's thing and wanted to check it out himself. Howard told him that they have women there though. George said that he's okay with that. Howard said there is no ''Rick'' there and there aren't naked men dancing. Sal said there were about 20 people there at the club on Thursday.
Ronnie said that the girl Howard was talking about was from Miami and he picked her to come up from there. He said her name is Fire. Ronnie said she's a fun girl and they had some fun with her down in Miami. He said that she's 23 years old. Howard told Ronnie she's too young for him. Sal said that 60 is too young for Ronnie.
Howard said he likes this Wack Pack Bowling show. He said that Yucko the Clown was going off on some of the people there and goofing on John the Stutterer calling him ''John the Gutterer'' because he was throwing so many gutter balls.
Gary said that they have a web site now and he was looking at the stats there and found out that Nicole Bass is at 285 pounds. He said he found that to be pretty surprising.
Howard talked about John the Stutterer and Yucko the Clown fighting. The Howard TV guys had a clip of the two of them yelling at each other that they played. John and Yucko were really going at each other and Ronnie had to get in on that and separate the two of them. Sid Rosenberg, the host of the bowling show, was instigating the whole thing and told John to go over and beat Yucko up.
Howard said they have a lot of stuff on the web site for the Wack Pack Bowling show. They have wallpaper and other stuff to download as well.
Howard and the guys talked about the article for a few minutes. Howard said that he can see this story from Edwards' side too. He said that he can imagine that he was going through a tough time with his wife going through cancer treatments and wanting to get laid. He said that when he read that column he started to think about what kind of guy Edwards really is. They spent a little more time on that and then moved on.
Howard said there's a blind item in the paper today and he's so interested in this one story that he wants to call Richard Johnson to find out who it is. He said that they claim that this film heartthrob is a closeted, violent homosexual who raped his partner. They talked about who it could possibly be and mentioned some names like Christian Bale, Brendan Frasier, Shia LaBeouf and a couple of others. Artie threw out Ben Stiller too but he said that wouldn't make much sense. Howard said that Richard Christy was in Harold and Kumar 2.
Howard read another blind item about a rich socialite whose parents are making her get a job. He said that this stuff drives him nuts.
Artie said he went to meet a friend at a bar in Hoboken the other night. He said that he just had a coke and left about 45 minutes later, he wasn't drinking. He said that the place was the Hudson Tavern and it was a nice place. He said that it's so hard to not drink when everyone around him is drunk.
Artie said that he went to meet this chick down there and it was a long story so he didn't get into that part of the story. He said that they had the Olympics on the TVs there at the bar and everyone was watching this swimmer and cheering like crazy. He said the coverage was cool too. He said that he's never seen people so into the Olympics like they were this night. Robin said she's seen people going crazy over it too.
Gary said that there's something coming up in a couple of weeks. The guys in the office want to know if there's going to be alcohol there at his party. Artie said of course there will be alcohol. Howard said that you can't cut other people off and not have alcohol at a party.
Howard said that Artie is the one who is going to have to adjust to what's going on around him. Artie said that this party he's throwing is a belated birthday for Robin. Howard said that he already had his party for Robin but no one else was invited. He said it was just him and Robin. Robin said that it was very nice and she was very happy to be there.
Artie said that he was watching this show on TLC where they had this 800 pound woman. He loves that stuff. There was one show where they talked about tape worms and this guy ended up shitting out a tape worm that was about 3 feet long. He said that the guy was talking about how he had to have his wife help him get the thing out of him.
Artie said that you have to get to the head of the tape worm because if you just break it, it'll grow back. He said that the guy was camping and they caught a trout that wasn't cooked properly. That led to this tape worm growing inside of him. They had to perform surgery on the guy because he had like a 6 foot long tape worm inside of him. He said that the guy keeps the tape worm in a jar and it looked like a long, white tape.
Howard said that Tropic Thunder beat Batman at the movies this weekend. He said that the movie really was good. Robin said she was pissed that those guys didn't come in there but she did like the movie.
Howard said that guys don't want their wives to know that they do that stuff because it can be kind of embarrassing. He said that years ago he'd lie to his wife if she asked him if he really did that stuff. He said that now he tells Beth the truth about what he does. He said that he saw an interview on Fox and Friends where they talked about Ernest Borgnine and he told them that his secret to living so long is that he masturbates a lot.
Howard played another clip of Borgnine talking about masturbating during a different interview. Borgnine was talking about ''relieving himself'' and how men just have to do that. Howard said that the guy is just saying that you can't expect all of these politicians to be held up to these standards that they can't live up to. They're just men and they can't expect them not to do what other men are doing.
Howard said that all guys masturbate and that's that. Robin told Jon to get in there and just admit to it. Howard asked Lisa if she masturbates. Lisa said that she doesn't right now and it may just be a stage she's going through.
Jon Hein came in and Howard said he thinks that he does masturbate and he's just not admitting to it. Jon asked him why he would think that. Howard said that he had to have jerked off at some point when his wife was on the rag or something. Jon said he has no reason to stick to that story if he has done it. He said that he really can't remember the last time he did it. He said he has done it over the years but he can't remember when it was.
Howard said that it could be his diabetes that's effecting him. Jon said that could be why he doesn't need it that much.
Artie said that he's annoyed by it and he feels like it's another chore that he has to do. He said that he's not going to be good in a conversation until he jerks off so that's why he's not happy about it.
George said that he's still jerking off and he's 71 years old. He doesn't have to do that on Sunday though because that's the day he and Brad have sex. Howard asked George why he would marry Brad if he's only giving him sex one day a week. George said that they do have some cuddling going on during the week so it's not really just the one time a week.
Howard asked George if he's ever sat down with Brad and talked to him about having more sex. He said that he might want to ask him to please him more often. George said that he will have that conversation with Brad now that Howard has introduced it. He said that he has consideration for Brad and he doesn't seem to have interest in doing it more often.
George said that Brad is his manager too so he's very intense about that. Artie said that if he's his manager, he's fucking George in one way or another. George said that he gets exhausted from doing all of this stuff for him.
George talked about what he and Brad do when they have sex on Sunday. He said that he leans on the door and says ''Hey big boy'' when he's all ready to go. Howard asked why it's on Sunday. George said that he thinks that it's because Brad is the most relaxed on Sunday. Howard asked George if he thinks that Brad masturbates during the week. George said he's really not sure about that.
Howard told George that he should come clean with brad and tell him that he has needs and he wants more sex, maybe twice a week.
Howard asked George if he's ever tried waking Brad up with a blow job. George said that he's actually had that done to him when he was with another man. He said that it's the most wonderful feeling to wake up to something like that. Howard said that maybe George should ask for something like that but George said that Brad doesn't do that. George said that he has to romance Brad before they do anything. He said that he has to romance him on Sunday mornings.
Howard told George to mix it up a bit with Brad and not just do it once a week. He said they could do it more randomly instead of setting one day to do it. Artie said that Brad sounds like a chick if he's saying no so often.
Artie asked George if he has been approached at Star Trek conventions by gay guys. George said that he has and he has taken advantage of that. He said that was in the past though.
Howard said he doesn't believe that Lisa doesn't masturbate. Fred threw in a vibrator sound effect and Lisa laughed and asked what that was. She said that she hasn't been dating much and she's not sure why she stopped doing it.
Robin said that she hasn't gone a long time without masturbating herself. She said that she has no reason not to.
Lisa got back to her news preview and said they have a story about Jason taking measures to make sure that Sal and Richard don't get a hold of the microphone at his wedding. Jason is also saying that he put his foot down and won't be paying for the shrimp that his mother wanted at the wedding. His mother is going to pay for it so there will be shrimp there.
Howard asked George if his wedding is going to cost a lot. George said that his wedding is going to be over $60,000 but the bills haven't all come in yet. He said that he and Brad have joint bank accounts so the money is coming out of that. He said that they're not going to have a pre-nup either. Howard told George to hold on a second there. He said that pre-nups aren't a bad thing.
Howard told George that Paul McCartney didn't think his marriage was going to end and look at the way that turned out. George said that Brad isn't like that and he doesn't think that this is going to end. Howard said that you never know though and George has to protect himself. He said that he had to deal with all of those Star Trek fans over the years and stuff like that.
George said that he doesn't know how to approach Brad about something like that. Howard told George how he thinks he should do it and did an impression of him as he was explaining it.
Robin asked George what he thinks he would want to give to Brad if things didn't work out. George said that he loves him so much that he would be willing to give him half. He said that he could give him the Arizona house and he could keep the L.A. house. Howard said he didn't sound so happy about giving him half.
Howard said that he wasn't trying to start trouble here. He was just trying to give some advice to George. George said that he really never even thought about this. He said that things have been working out very well for the past 20 years and he thinks that it will be fine.
Howard said he doesn't think this is that outrageous. George said that he's thinking that maybe Howard has brought up something he should look into. He said that Brad has been very good to him and he's very grateful to Brad for what he's done for him. He said that he's gone out of his way to help his family and things like that. He said he can't reduce what he feels to dollars and cents. George said that he thinks that maybe they should have that discussion.
Howard said that the chances are that it will never happen but he should protect himself. Robin said that this whole thing is like a fairy tale right now. Artie cut her off and said ''Well, they are fairies...'' Howard told George that he busted his balls to get where he's at and he had to do all of the work. He said that he has paid his dues. George said that they may just have that discussion tonight.
Howard said that they all want to believe that relationships are going to last forever. They don't always work out though. He said that he needs to get this thing going and have that conversation. George said that he will and he will look into getting two attorneys to work things out. Howard said that this is the way things work in marriage.
Howard told George he loves him and he doesn't want to see him hurt. He said that he tried to talk sense to Paul McCartney when he was on the show a few years ago. He said that he warned him about not having a pre-nup and now Paul is out $60 million.
Howard said that marriage changes things sometimes and he's not even sure why. He said that people just get different when they get married. He said that things change. George said that he doesn't get why that is. Artie said he thinks that this is going to ruin George and Brad's relationship and he wants his money back from that fruity charity he donated to if it does fall apart.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they can stop with the gay shit today. He also figured that George must not believe in God if he's doing this stuff. George said that he doesn't believe that they should bring faith into something like a civil marriage.
Lisa finished up her Howard 100 News preview after that. They went to break a short time later.
George said that he's going to be roasted at the Friar's Club soon. Artie said he was offered the shot at doing it but it's on a work night for him so he can't do it. He thought that Mike Morse didn't make it into this one but Sal came in and told him that he did make it to the next level in the Friar's Club roast, he's just not part of this one.
Howard played some clips from the Bob Saget roast that aired last night on Comedy Central. He had some clips of Cloris Leachman and Jeff Ross who killed with his stuff. Artie said that a lot of the jokes were about Bob fucking the Olsen twins.
Howard said that Donald Trump bought Ed McMahon's house so he can continue living in it. Robin said he probably wants to evict the guy. Howard said that's not it at all and Trump is saying that he wants to help the guy because he grew up seeing McMahon on TV. Trump is just doing it to help the guy. Robin said that he's getting publicity out of it and that's why he's doing it. Howard said it's a nice move to make to help the guy. Robin said he's just doing it for business.
Howard said that Trump is letting him stay in the house so that's a very nice thing to do. Robin wasn't caving in and kept saying that he's only doing it for business.
Howard said that guys have to get aroused. She said that it hasn't happened to her but it has happened to her friends. Kristy said that they just flick it and hope it goes down. Howard said that he'd hope to have a chick as hot as her and he'd probably get aroused. She said that she'd just flick it if he did.
Howard said that guys must hit on Kristy all the time. Kristy said that they do and she gets a lot of short men hitting on her. Artie said that he was hitting on her and she likes girls like this who can deal with sick people like she does.
Kristy said that she's single and hasn't had a boyfriend for 2 years. She said that she does hang out with guys but this summer has been kind of slow for her. She said that she is approachable but she has a lot of dorks come up to her.
Kristy is 26 and still lives at home. She said that she's a student though so that's why she's at home. She went to school late so that's why she's still in now.
Artie asked Kristy if she can cook. She said she can so Artie sounded like he was impressed by that. Howard read that she lost her virginity late and didn't do much in high school.
Howard read that Kristy was offered a job as a hooker. She said that she didn't know it at the time. She explained that she met this woman who was trying to hook her up with other guys and didn't know that she was pushing her into this date with a guy that was going to pay her $2,000. Kristy said that she turned it down.
Howard said that Kristy is very hot and he's happy to see that she's going to be Miss Howard TV for the month. He said that fans of Howard TV know that they don't let slouches into that role. Kristy said that it was grueling process to get the job.
Howard asked Kristy about her breasts and found out that she's a natural full C. Howard asked her if she's ever dated any creepy guys. She said that she hasn't really. Howard said they have a picture of her up on HowardStern.com.
Artie was very taken with her of course. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to her before he let her go. He said that people will be able to see her on Howard TV coming up.
Ralph called in and said that he thinks that Robin giving Donald Trump shit for doing something nice isn't right. He said that Robin got something out of the charity events that she did. Robin said she was doing that to raise awareness and no one needs to know that Trump is buying the house to help Ed McMahon. She said that it's just a good publicity move for him. She said she likes Trump and hopes that he doesn't take that the wrong way.
Howard took a call from Eric the Midget who was angry that he was on hold so long. Howard told him that it's not his show so he should hang up if he doesn't like waiting on hold. Eric said that he thinks that Steve Langford is getting to Johnny Fratto and he's cutting him out of stuff. Howard said that maybe Johnny is getting tired of him. Eric yelled at Howard to shut up so he could finish.
Howard cut Eric off and told him that Johnny probably just doesn't want to deal with him. Eric said that he wanted to finish. He was yelling at Artie to go back on heroin. He went on to say that Johnny hasn't spoken to him in about a week and he thinks that Langford's reports are getting to him.
Howard told Eric that Johnny probably doesn't like dealing with him. Eric said that's not the case at all. He said that Johnny doesn't mind dealing with him at all.
Howard asked Eric what makes him think that Johnny is upset with him. Eric said that he was supposed to be part of this casting call for Johnny's calendar and he hasn't heard from him lately.
Howard checked out the video of Eric over at JFSC.tv because he said he heard that he was all blotchy. He said there was some stuff going on with his face. He also thought that he had new glasses and said that they were tinted. Eric said they weren't tinted but then said that they tint when he goes outside. He said that he didn't want two different pairs of glasses.
Howard said he doesn't think that Steve Langford is the problem and Eric just has problems with Johnny. Robin asked what he spoke to Johnny about last. Eric said that he talked to him about the casting call but hasn't heard from him since then. Robin said that he'll probably get back to him when he gets a chance. Howard let Eric go a short time later. Eric was still blaming Langford for all of this.
Jeff said that his friend overdosed on something but he doesn't know the name of the drug. He said it starts with a Z. Jeff said that he had the guy with him at the Borgata with Artie. Artie said the guy didn't look that good back then. Jeff said the guy was only 25 years old.
Howard said he was sorry to hear about that. Jeff wanted to give his name but Howard told him that he may not want to give that out on the air based on what he just said. He said that he wants to whisper the name of the Wack Pack Bowling winner in his ear but Artie told him not to do that no matter what. He told him he'll have Doug Goodstein on his ass in a second.
Howard asked Jeff to pretend to whisper to him who the winner was by saying ''Miss Amenity.'' Jeff tried to do it but he was barely whispering. Artie did an impression of him whispering and then blurting out the name. He said that's what he imagines him doing.
Jeff was saying that his friend didn't have his driver's license so the guys talked to him about that. Then Howard said that Jeff is a pretty good bowler and shocked him with the way he was hooking his balls in the Wack Pack Bowling show. The Howard TV guys showed a clip of one of his shots to show Robin what it looked like.
Howard asked Jeff who his closest living friend is now. Jeff said that would probably be Ed. He has a license. Artie was laughing his ass off after hearing the way Jeff said ''Ed'' and goofed on him. He did his impression of Jeff and goofed on the way he said Ed.
Howard asked Jeff how he knows Ed. Jeff said he lives in the trailer park where he lives. Jeff said that Ed has a job and works, unlike him. Howard asked Jeff if he's jealous that Ed has a job. Jeff said he's not jealous at all. He said that Ed is almost married because he's been living with this chick for 15 years. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later and let him go.
After letting Jeff go Howard played a prank call the guys made using clips of Jeff yelling ''JIM!'' over and over again.
Howard said that Gary was giving him that laugh that he does. Gary said that he thought that he could have put more effort into the song. Howard said he doesn't think that he could make something like that himself but both Gary and Artie were saying that it didn't seem that hard. Artie said that he thinks that Sal and Richard could write something like that.
Ralph called in and said that he thinks it's a great song and he's not even a Kid Rock fan. He said that the song is great in his opinion. Howard said he's not a big fan of Sweet Home Alabama but Kid Rock took that and Werewolves of London and made a great song.
Richard Christy came in and said that he had mixed a couple of songs together. He took David Lee Roth singing Running with the Devil and the music to ''I Love Rock and Roll'' and created a mess. They kind of mixed but they didn't sound right.
Fred said that he's not a big rap person so he thinks that Kid Rock should have been a little more original. He said that he just took other people's music and threw his lyrics over it. Artie said that its' the musical equivalent of the people who stole the ''Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader'' idea from Howard's show. Howard cut everyone off and said that the song is very good and when you have a song that a lot of people like, it's good.
Howard played the George Takei song ''I'm Dreaming of a White Penis'' and used that as an example of a good song that a lot of people like. Howard said that was a guy taking a song that someone else wrote and putting new lyrics to it. Howard also played the ''George is Back In Town'' song parody.
Robin said that she didn't have a lot of time to talk. Howard asked her what she was wearing at the time. She said it was shorts and a t-shirt. Howard asked her if she's touched herself thinking about that guy. Robin said she has not. Howard said he didn't believe that at all.
Howard wished Robin luck with the guy but Robin rolled her eyes. Howard said that she said she wanted a relationship with a younger man. She said that she didn't want a relationship, she just wants a younger man.
Robin said she doesn't have a lot of time to do stuff though because she's traveling. She said that she has a lot of dinner dates and stuff like that going on this week. She said that she's away on Saturday. Howard asked her if she told him she loved him. Robin just laughed.
Howard played Sal and Richard's ''Wake Up Confusion'' prank call where they call this woman, waking her up, and then pretend that she called them and woke them up.
Howard said he didn't get it after he heard the clip. Artie said that he was reading off a card and they were old jokes so he thought it was funny. He said the visual would have helped.
Howard took another call from a guy who thought that Norm did bomb. He said that he hoped that Artie didn't fall off the wagon watching it. Artie said that Norm risked that people wouldn't get it but he didn't think he bombed.
Howard played some more of Norm's stuff where he was doing these lame, clean jokes. Howard kind of chuckled at some of the stuff he was reading. Artie said that the comedians there were laughing and he was kind of ''playing to the back of the room'' so to speak.
Howard told the caller that maybe he should cut it off now instead of dragging it out and making it worse. The caller said that he's living about an hour from this chick now but now he's banging every chick he works with. Howard said that this girl is going to feel even worse if she finds out about it before he breaks it off with her.
Howard asked Robin what Jim said to her when he broke up. Robin laughed and said that she was reading about what John Mayer said to Jennifer Aniston when they broke up. He said something like ''It's not you, it's me... I don't want to waste your time...'' so maybe that's what this guy should say to this girl.
Howard said he has to get that guy John Mayer in there. The caller said that he just got divorced too and he's not sure he should be in a relationship with this girl. Howard told him to get out of it and tell her that maybe he could still be her friend.
Artie said that it sounds like this caller would cheat on any girlfriend based on what he's saying. The caller said that he never cheated until he divorced. He said that now he can't even stay out of it. Then he started hitting on Robin and asked her to come to the place he works as a chef. Howard cut him off around that time and went to break.
Howard had Steve Langford come in after that. Steve said they have a story about Fort Scott, Kansas and how they're not going to allow Howard TV to shoot a Wack Pack special on town property. Howard said he heard about that and the town is objecting to the filming even though they may not be doing anything all that weird.
Steve said they also have a story about Eric the Midget threatening to come to New York City to break his jaw. Steve said that Fratto claims he just hasn't had time to call Eric lately even though Eric is blaming him for keeping Johnny from calling him.
Steve said they have an interview with Richard Lewis and more about Artie's rehab. He also corrected Artie and said he hasn't been clean for 19 days, it's just 15. He got in some plugs for the shows that are on Howard 101 tonight and wrapped up his news preview.
Jon Hein came in next with his Wrap Up Show preview. He quickly ran down the stuff that they were going to be covering today.
Robin started off with a Happy Birthday wish for Jim Florentine. She said that today is his birthday. George didn't know that she had broken up. She said that this is his gift since he appears to like air time. She said that she heard that he was on Bubba's show last week. Robin said she didn't know he was doing the show and she felt that it was a little soon to be doing that. She said she hasn't spoken to him since then but she has texted him.
Howard said that Jim was on Bubba's morning show and afternoon show last week. Robin wondered about that. Howard said he hopes that they remain friends. Robin said she's sure they will remain fine friends.
Howard said he got an e-mail about Robin's rescue over the weekend. She was out jet skiing with a young girl, who is 16, and they saw a couple of guys who were stuck on an island. Robin and this young girl went over and helped them get back to shore. Robin said it was actually on a marsh and they were waved down to go over and help.
Robin said that they asked if they could take two people back and she took two people back on her jet ski while her 16 year old friend followed. Robin said that she doesn't know the people and she didn't want to give them control over one of the jet skis.
Artie said that Robin is bringing over her jet skis for the party he's throwing for her. He asked what exactly it was going to be. Robin said she has a bunch of stuff that they're going to tow over. They'll have kayaks, jet skis, wave runners and her big boat. Captain Dennis is going to be bringing it over for her.
Robin got back to her news and said that Bernie Mac's funeral was held over the weekend. Oprah Winfrey went. Howard said that he would have appreciated an invitation but probably wouldn't have actually gone to it. She had some audio clips from some of the people who did attend the funeral. That led to Artie and Howard doing impressions of Jesse Jackson for a few minutes.
Robin read a story about Gary Glitter getting out of jail. Howard took a call after that from a guy who asked Robin to talk to her friend George Lucas and tell him that he owes him $19.50 for the awful new Star Wars movie he saw this weekend. Howard said that he knew that movie was going to be awful from what he saw in the commercials. Howard said that Lucas has to spend more time on his work.
Robin read some news about a groom who was struck by lightning right before he was getting married. She had some audio of the guy talking about the lightning strike.
Robin had some news about Michael Phelps winning his 8th gold medal. That led to Howard talking about how George did some fencing on Star Trek so they spent a short time on that. Robin had Howard playing some clips of Michael Phelps talking about his medal wins but Howard wasn't able to find the right one.
Robin had some other Olympics news and some stuff about Brett Favre. Artie said that it's kind of exciting that he's coming to New York but he thinks that the Jets are going to continue to let down Gary's kids by losing.
Robin talked about Madonna turning 50. Howard said that it really is hard to believe she's that old. He said you always think of her as that young woman.
Robin said that Barack Obama is going to be announcing who he will pick for Vice President. George said that he thinks that he's going to pick Joe Biden. Howard said he heard that the best Vice President he could get is Wesley Snipes because it would make Barack look white.
Ralph called in and said that they're re-mastering the original Star Trek series. He said that they're just cleaning up the shit in the background and stuff. He said that it looks cool to him. Artie joked that he doesn't like it because they're straightening George's eyes.
A caller asked if George was aroused during the shooting of that fencing scene because it appeared he was holding it back. The guy also asked if they oiled him up for that scene. George claims that was his natural sweat.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about John McCain claiming that he's going to be a pro-life President and they will have pro-life policies. Howard said that's enough to piss him off and make him vote for Obama.
Robin read some news about Ellen Degeneres' wedding to Portia DeRossi. Howard said that he bets that Ellen got a big strap-on cock the night of the wedding.
Robin read a story about rapper DMX not showing up for a court date. Artie said that guy was booked to do the show a few times and never showed up. Howard ended up singing along to some of his favorite DMX songs while they were talking about that. Howard said that Ed Torian the lie detector guy was a big DMX fan and played him singing ''I love my niggas but where's my bitches...''
Robin had some audio of Eva Longoria making a speech at some event. They quickly played that and wrapped up the news and the show a short time later. They ended it around 10:50am.
George said that he hasn't been on the show for quite some time now. He said that the last time was probably back in April. Gary said that he's scheduled to be on the show once a quarter so that's why he comes in every few months.
Gary said that he likes that gay people are allowed to get married because it shows them all of the bullshit that heterosexuals have to go through with weddings.
George said that he's thinking that a pre-nup isn't that bad of an idea after talking to Howard about that. Gary said that they should talk about that because it sounded like he had never even considered that thought. George said that he really hadn't because he and Brad know each other so well. George said that he never gave it a thought until this morning when Howard brought it up.
Jon played some of that conversation between George and Howard about the pre-nup. The guys talked about how this could cause problems if George brings this back to Brad and he has a negative reaction to it. George said that he knows that Brad is listening but he's not sure how he's going to respond to it.
Gary said that Howard doesn't know why people don't think about this stuff but not everyone does. George said that he does have Brad in his will. His money is going to go to Brad when he passes and then after Brad is gone the money goes to the Japanese American Museum. He said that they have all of that covered. Gary said they have that death stuff covered but they have to cover the living part now.
Jon asked George what he's going to start out with, the pre-nup or the sex on Wednesday discussion. George said that he'll probably start out with the sex on Wednesday thing.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they have picked out a wedding song yet. George said they have. He said that they're going to have a singer to sing ''Climb Every Mountain'' before the wedding. They will march to ''One Singular Sensation'' during the wedding. He said they have a lot of diversity in the wedding so they'll have a Japanese horizontal harp playing as the guests arrive. They're also going to have a bagpipe player.
Gary said that they traditionally have a song that they dance to first. George said that they haven't picked that one yet. He said that they do have a lot of other stuff playing during the wedding though. He was going through some of the stuff that they have planned and it's very elaborate. George said they have a planner going through it all with them.
George said that they made a deal with CBS for the wedding. They have one videographer and CBS is getting an exclusive on the shots they use. He said that the rest is being put into a pool for the rest of the media. He said they have one still camera and they are giving an exclusive to People magazine on that and the rest of the pictures go into a pool for the A.P.
George talked about some of the songs that he and Brad are fans of and how they have ''many'' special songs together.
Gary asked if they're going to have any Star Trek themed stuff there. George said that Walter Koenig and Nichele Nichols will both be in the wedding. Gary said he wanted to go to the wedding but the dates just don't work for him. He won't be able to make it. George also said that Leonard Nimoy is going to be there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Brad had tired to call George yet. George said that he doesn't have his phone with him but he thinks that Brad would want to wait for him to come home and talk about it in person. Gary said that he knows what it might be like to call Brad and wonder what upset him the most. George said that he learned his lesson when he played the game with Sal when he touched his penis.
A caller asked George what the creepiest experience he's ever had was. George told a story about going to the baths one time and hooking up with some dude who recognized him in there when he said ''Hello there'' to him. George said that the guy said ''Sulu?'' and that made him go limp. He walked away from the guy.
Ralph called in and asked if he could go to the wedding because it sounded like it was going to be a lot of fun. George said that he has had a lot of requests to go to the wedding but they can't invite everyone. He said that they invited Howard, Robin, Artie, Fred and Gary to the wedding but he knew that they weren't going to be able to make it. Ralph said that must be why they invited everyone.
Ralph said that if he went, he'd wear Spoke ears. He asked George if that would be wrong. George said that it would be wrong and that's why he doesn't have an invitation.
Jon took a couple of calls for George and George ended up talking about how he had a painter doing a painting of Brad nude when he was younger. He's doing the same now that he's older so he can have a before and after.
The guys spend a little time asking George if he would be interested in anyone else on the show if they were gay. George said that Howard isn't really his type. He didn't sound interested in Benjy either. The guys talked about how they all knew that he was attracted to Tim's assistant Jared. George wasn't able to remember his name so they had to help him out with that.
A caller asked if they could get in on the wedding if they made a donation to their charity. George said they wouldn't do that but Gary told him that if they did a charity fund raiser for a pair of seats at the wedding, they could probably do very well. George didn't seem to be interested in doing that.
Another caller asked George if he had ever had sex with a woman who was Asian. George said that he was serious with some woman who was African American. He didn't elaborate on that. The caller also asked if George had all of his real teeth. George said he doesn't have any fake teeth and neighbor does Brad. The caller said he had some amazing oral sex with a woman who removed her teeth. George said he's never had that.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked about the gay marriage thing. George talked about that for a short time. He was talking about how he feels he has to vote for a Democrat to be President.
Another caller asked George what he thinks when people introduce him as their gay friend instead of my friend who is gay. George said that he doesn't think that you should refer to people by their race or sexual preference. They spent a short time going back and forth on that subject. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked George about the second season and if he felt that things weren't clicking the way they did in the first. George said that they have to approach every season differently. He said he thinks this season is going to be amazing.
George talked more about the sword fight in Star Trek that he had and how he had planned on fighting with a Japanese sword but ended up fencing instead.
Jon asked George if he knew that they were planning a bachelor party on the show. George said that he never fancied himself a bachelor so he never knew that they were going to do that for him. Gary told him that any guy who isn't married is a bachelor.
Gary talked about some of the stuff they're going to do for George in this bachelor party. He said they have that guy Jonah coming in to show off his huge cock. George whispered ''Will he let me touch it?'' or something like that. Gary said that he may just do that because this guy is a big fan of George's. George said that Brad may want to be there if he's heard about what they're going to be doing.
The caller said that Gary is like the second guy in charge and he should threaten to fire Sal if he does screw up at the wedding. Gary said that he can't fire someone for doing something at Howard's wedding. Gary said that Howard would be furious if he had let Sal go knowing that he could do something to ruin it.
Benjy wanted to bet the guys that Sal will show up at Howard's wedding. Gary was willing to take that bet. He didn't want to bet Jon again though. He had taken their money on the bet that Sal would get an invitation.
Jon said that Sal has become like the Norm of Rick's lately. Gary said that he heard that's what was going on there but he doesn't know all of the details. He didn't get into it much more than that.
Jon took another call from a woman who asked what day George is getting married hoping that it was on a Sunday. George said that it will be on a Sunday. The woman said that's good because that means he'll be getting sex.
Benjy asked if George initiates the sex or if it's Brad. George said that he is usually the one to do it but Brad has done it a couple of times.
Will and Jason came in to talk about their bachelor party at Rick's Cabaret. Jason said that they had a great time and they were treated very well over there. Will said that they would have had a better time if people like Gary had been able to make it. Gary said that he planned on going but he had his kids with him that day. He said that he was thinking about where he could stash the kids but wasn't able to make it. Jason said that a lot of people had to cancel and didn't make it over there.
Jason and Will said that no one bought them dances other than Benjy. Everyone there was just enjoying the free food. Jon said that he tried to buy them a dance but Jason said that he had a really lame way of doing it. He said that Jon asked him which girl he wanted when he should have just sent a girl over for him.
Jason said that he thinks that Sal goes to Rick's for lunch every Thursday so they should have George go too. Jason said that he's had two bachelor parties so far and he'd love to have more. George said he's never been married and he's not sure about these tribal rituals. Benjy said that they base bachelor parties on every 100 pounds you weigh so Jason has one more to go. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about George Takei being there this week. He asked him to do an announce for them to get them started. George read from his script about Benjy and Artie's ''eater's physiques.'' Artie said that George was insulting them already and it was early yet.
George said that Artie only had a Hawaiian Punch back there so far and no food. Artie said he'll show him how bad that is for him. The can he had was 180 calories and he had 4 cans back there with him. Artie said that he will walk all of that off today when he walks to his therapist. The guy is across town so he'll be walking about 14-15 blocks.
Artie said that he told the guy who drives him in the morning to pick him up every day and take him home. Now he gets to walk a bit and he's realized how much he likes the city. He said the broads in the city are unbelievable. He walks through Central Park and they're looking amazing.
George wanted to walk with Artie to his therapist. Artie said that would be great and he can tell his therapist that he's so open minded now that he's dating George Takei.
The guys told Artie he's looking much healthier than he was. Artie thanked them for that and kind of chuckled. He said that he looks kind of dead in the book mock up they have for his upcoming book ''Too Fat To Fish.'' He described what he looks like in some of the pictures.
Howard read that the Hawaiian Punch that Artie had was actually 1.5 servings so he was actually drinking 270 calories. Artie said that the can says it's just one serving and he's not sure where Howard is getting that information.
Howard said that he got a lot of negative e-mail about that conversation they had about the pre-nup. He said that he's glad to see that he gave George some good advice. Artie said that it got George more cock as well.
Howard read an article about Phil Collins who has had another failed marriage. He's been married 3 times now and he loses money every time. The latest one he had to give up $67 million which is even more than Paul McCartney had to give up in his divorce.
Howard read that Collins has dished out more than $84 million in his divorce settlements. Howard said that he must not have had a pre-nup.
Howard read through some of the feedback he got about the pre-nup and sex conversations they had with George yesterday. Someone said that George didn't care about sex that much and Howard should leave it alone. Howard pointed out that George does care about it and that's why he's getting more of it now.
George said that he and Brad have been living together for a long time now so they are different than Phil Collins.
Howard read some more feedback about the conversations and people were telling him to just butt out of his life. Howard said that this is the problem, people don't talk about stuff that bothers them. He said that now that George has spoken to Brad it has helped. George said that it really has helped and solidified their relationship.
Howard bragged that he is terrific and he's glad that George has pointed that out. George said that things are working for him.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and said that he had a case one time where the guy had a pre-nup and ended up saving himself $6 billion. He also said that they have different rules over in England and they don't have the protection hat they have here. He was saying that you can't put sex acts into a pre-nup either. It's a financial contract.
Dominic said that there is no difference at all between heterosexual and gay couples. He said that he has one of the first gay divorces in New York right now. He said that they're two well known actors and they're in a custody case right now. He said there is no difference between the two types of couples.
Artie wondered who the well known actors are. Dominic said that he keeps that secret and he can't give out the names.
Dominic said that he had the roof of his Shelter Island house blow off. He also had his indoor pool crack. He said that his boat burned and then a car ran into his car and building and did some damage and he's not even a little bit upset about any of it.
Howard goofed on Dominic by doing his impression and making fun of what he had just said about everything that was going on. He'd hung up on him by that point.
George talked about the song ''Climb Every Mountain'' and ''One Singular Sensation'' that they're going to have playing during the wedding.
Howard played another clip where George talked about the exclusives that they're giving to People magazine and CBS. Gary and Jon told him that he should get paid for that stuff. George said that he's very naive and didn't know that they could get paid for that stuff.
George mentioned that he's going to be on a show called ''Wanna Bet'' tonight where he won $106,000. He said he gave that money to charity. Howard asked if he's supposed to give away that information. George laughed and told him that's a good point.
George said that one of the stunts that they had to bet on was a guy who could lick a CD and tell who the artist was. George said that they shot it last year so he doesn't remember the details of which CD it was.
George mentioned that he was playing against Sheri Sheppard who once said that she has no proof that the earth isn't flat on some show she was on. Howard goofed on her for a minute before getting back to the Wrap Up Show stuff.
Howard played another clip where George talked about the Star Trek co-stars that were going to be at his wedding.
George talked about how Walter Koenig knew that he was gay back when they were working together on Star Trek. He said that Walter would point out some good looking guys, or extras, on set because he knew that he was gay. Artie talked about how he used to bang some extras on the set of MAD TV. He said that it was very odd because there are people who are lifelong extras who make a living out of that job. He said that some of them are young, smokin' hot chicks though.
Howard played another clip where George talked about meeting a guy in the baths and meeting this gorgeous young guy who recognized him as ''Sulu.'' George said that he went limp and had to walk away from the guy when he realized that he had been recognized. Artie said that George is the best guest they've ever had after hearing that story.
George said that the excitement of anonymity is the thing he wanted. That went away when the guy recognized him.
Howard said that David Letterman also went to a gay bath house. He played a prank call Sal and Richard made using Evil Dave, the fake David Letterman.
Howard said that George also admitted that he has a certain type of guy he likes. He played a clip of him talking about that on the Wrap Up Show. George was saying that Howard isn't quite his type. He was also talking about the nude paintings that he had done of Brad. Howard wondered why he didn't just take pictures of Brad nude instead of having him painted.
George said that Brad came from a nudist family and he's used to that. Howard said that it must have been tough standing there nude with painters painting him. George said that with one of the guys it took just one day. Robin asked where they were. George said that they're hanging in their bedroom.
Howard asked if anyone ever sees the pictures. George said that they're in the dressing room part of the bedroom and not hanging out in the open. He said that the cleaning people do see them though. George said that he doesn't remember telling the cleaning woman about the picture but she never complained about it.
Howard asked George if he can see the painting from the shower. George said he can't. Fred threw in a whacking off sound clip while they were talking about that.
Howard asked George if the painter made Brad's penis bigger in the painting. George said that Brad told him that now that he's older, and sitting down in the painting, things didn't look the way he wanted. The painter was able to fix that up for him. He may have been turtle head or ''acorn like'' according to Howard.
Artie asked George what he thought about a guy on the show wanting to take a picture of a young boy naked. George said that it could be art. Artie said it wasn't art though.
Howard asked George what it would cost to have a painting like that done. George said that it depends on the artist but it could be in the tens of thousands. He also said that Brad went natural in the pictures and didn't shave down at all. Howard said he wants to see this picture but George said that won't be happening.
Howard played some more of the Wrap Up Show stuff where George was asking if he was going to be able to touch Jonah Falcon's penis when he comes in for the bachelor party.
Howard said that they were talking about Wendy and Gary the Retards about the use of the word ''retard'' being used in the movie ''Tropic Thunder.'' Howard played a clip of Gary the Retard saying that they should leave the word in the movie. Wendy said she thinks it's wrong because people won't know that they're retarded if they take that word away from them.
George said that it all depends on the way the word is used. Howard said that he doesn't believe that George would be offended by the way it was used in that movie.
Robin mentioned that she watched the first episode of Wack Pack Bowling and thought it was very funny. Howard said that they have something on Howard TV where they have Richard Christy doing ''Inside the Porn Actor's Studio.'' He talked about that show a little bit and recommended it to the fans to check out.
George said that JD is interesting to him. He said he's cute. Artie cut him off and said ''We get it...'' Howard asked George what JD's last name is. George said he thought it was ''D.'' Howard told him that it's actually Harmeyer.
Artie said that yesterday that Miss Howard TV chick told him that she wasn't attracted to him and he didn't hear anything after that. He said that he just wants to hear that she wants to fuck him and nothing else.
Howard said that the guys isolated Artie's voice from the Pete from Pittsburgh call that happened recently and used it in a prank call to Pete's Pizza. They had Artie yelling at this guy from the pizza place and the guy fighting back. The guys got a laugh out of that. Robin said that was hysterical. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that Beth's tattoo is a brown color and it may be rubbing off because of the location. Howard said that Beth was kind of bummed that she had to have it touched up.
George asked what it is that Howard sees in tattoos. Howard said he likes the way tattoos look on people and how they're kind of cool and rebellious. Robin said that everyone is doing it though so it's not that cool.
Howard said he thinks it looks cool and that's about it. George said that it can be very ugly and graffiti like. Howard said he gets that too. He said that some people get really shitty tattoos.
Howard said the guy at Sacred Tattoo has his face tattooed and you try and pretend not to notice it. It's tough to talk to the guy though. He said that guy was really nice too. Robin said the full body tattoos are really strange too.
Artie said that it is odd when someone gets their face tattooed. It pretty much takes them out of the running for any normal job. Howard said that almost everyone there at SIRIUS is tattooed but when he goes to a family function he's like the only one there that has any. He said that he looks kind of cool when he's the only one.
Howard said that Daniel is involved in some kind of contest to open up for Motley Crue. Daniel said that the first phase is an online vote thing and he'd like some help from his friends to get in on it. He said that they go and play for Motley Crue if they get enough votes. Howard asked Daniel if he'd play ''We Gotta See Robin Naked'' when he goes for the audition and played some of that song. Howard told him he guarantees that he'll get the gig if they play that one.
Robin said that Daniel and the band played too long at Artie's comedy show last year. Artie said that was a comedy show though and he thinks that they'd be great opening for Motley Crue.
Howard asked how old Daniel is. He said he's just over 30. Howard said it's about time that they hit it big. Artie said that he saw Daniel and he is just over 30... about 12 years over 30.
Daniel said that you can go to BleedingDeacons.com and they'll have the link to the page where you can vote for them. He said the one thing that kind of sucks is that you have to register at the site where you vote. Howard let Daniel go after he got in the plug. Howard played another one of their songs before he moved on.
Howard said that the guys in the Bleeding Deacons like the song ''143'' that they did about Sal's wife. He played that one after explaining to George that the ''143'' means ''I Love You'' when you text someone.
Howard said that the guys are going to be playing at an upcoming Killers of Comedy show. That led to Artie talking about how he thinks that he talked himself into being in Bob Levy's corner when he fights Danny Bonaduce. He said that Bob is telling people that he's going to be there so now he thinks he has to show up.
Howard asked Robin some questions about his show to find out if she really listened to the show. Robin didn't know that much about him. Howard said that she's not really a fan if she doesn't know that stuff. Robin said that she liked him on Letterman and stuff like that.
The guys threw a bunch of questions at Robin about Russo and she didn't know answers to any of them. She said that she used to listen to the show once in a while and she enjoyed what she heard. Howard said that he's glad that he's coming to the company and that they can offer his show to the fans.
Howard said that Sal is definitely off the list but they over invited for the wedding and they were hoping that people wouldn't be able to come. Howard said that only 4 people can't come. Two of them are Brad and George. George said that they're going to be on their honeymoon that week.
Howard told Gary to write Beth a note and let her know that Lisa was ''yentering'' it up with Jillian and now she thinks she's invited. Gary said that Howard asked him to write Beth a note and invite her and that's what he said on the air. Howard said that Beth told him that they don't have the room and he wasn't aware of that.
Howard told Lisa that he's trying to fly under the radar with that stuff and this news department is making things tough. He said that creating that news team was a bad idea because he didn't want them to cover him, he wanted them to cover the other people on the air. He said that they jump on these stories and make things tough for him.
Howard said that he went out to get his marriage license yesterday and he was looking over his shoulder looking for Lisa. He said he knows that she was watching the web cam in front of City Hall to see if he was going in.
Howard said that he had to bring a bunch of stuff to get the license and it dawned on him that he was getting married again. He said that they only have two spaces on the form to fill out to show how many times you've been married. He said that if this marriage doesn't work out then he's going to have to have an addendum done to the paperwork if he ever marries again.
Howard said that Beth still doesn't know what name she wants to go by. He asked George if they're going to swap names or anything when they marry. George said they're going to keep their names but Brad was thinking of becoming Altman-Takei. Howard said that would be cool. He said that they could also both change their last names to ''Sulu.''
George was telling the guys that sometimes he and Brad will play around and wrestle with each other. Fred said that it must be Grecco-Roman wrestling. George said that's exactly what it is. Howard wanted to get more details so he asked him if he holds him down and stuff. George said that they do that and they don't have a winner or loser, they end up having sex. Fred threw in some fight sound effects in the background as they were talking about that.
Howard said he was filling out the paperwork and they had to fill out the paperwork or they'd have to go through a whole ceremony again. He said that Beth filled it out as ''Beth Stern'' but that doesn't mean that's what she's going to use. He said she could still go by Beth Ostrosky in her professional career.
Artie said that there are some open ended questions there and the kids thing is still up in the air to him. Howard said there is no question there. He said that she doesn't want kids. Artie said it's going to be very tough for him to bail on her if she does have a kid. Howard said he knows that but he doesn't want kids.
Howard said that there are two women in there, Lisa and Robin, and they are both barren. He said that there are actually 3 women in there because George is in there. George said that he has a grand niece and nephew so that's how he gets his fill of kids.
Howard asked George if Brad has a girl name for him. George said he doesn't. Artie said that he was out on the road a few months ago and this one guy had a theory that Robin's nephew Anthony is actually her son. Howard said that's not true. Howard asked Lisa if she's fine without kids. Lisa said she doesn't have any regrets about not having any. Artie asked her about her sweater and asked if he could try it on. She gave him the sweater and he tried to put it on his massive body. Jason was taking pictures as he tried to put it on. George was laughing his ass off when he saw what was going on. Howard told Artie he should have taken his shirt off first.
Artie started doing an impression of Lisa asking Howard questions. Howard said that it looked like a cape on a super hero. Artie said he was the gay Hulk. He goofed on Lisa for a short time asking Howard questions about his wedding and if they were coming to her cookie party.
Artie finished Lisa's news preview for her by reading her notes. She had a bunch of various stories about Robin and her rescue of some boaters, Robin and Jim and some other stuff. Artie read it all while Lisa tied her sweater into a bow on him. She had some stuff about the Jillian Barberie story as well.
The guys asked Artie to try and take the sweater off but Artie said that he had ruined it and he would buy her something new from Barney's if she wanted. Lisa sounded excited about that.
Howard asked Lisa if she ever gets out in the sun. Lisa said that she can't go in the sun because she gets pre-cancerous stuff growing on her.
Artie said that he ripped the sweater in the back and he was going to have to get her something new. Artie told her he didn't have time to go to Barney's and offered her a $10 bill to go get two sweaters. He was just joking and said that he would take her to Barney's.
Howard said that he can't believe that Lisa has never married. He figures that she's been looking for that one special love and she just can't find it. Lisa said that's just not the case and she's very happy. She said that she has come close to getting engaged but she's never had anyone ask her to marry them.
Lisa told Howard that he could set her up on a date. Howard said that he knows a lot of great women but all of his guy friends are assholes. That led to Artie pointing out that Howard has never set him up with any of the great women he knows. Howard said that Artie has a type and he wouldn't be into these chicks. Artie said that he doesn't have a type other than being into hot chicks. Howard said that these chicks would give him a harder time about the drugs and stuff than even Dana did.
Artie said that he will really bring Lisa to Barney's. He said that he thinks of her as Robin Williams in that movie ''One Hour Photo'' and being kind of a stalker-type. They had to go to break a short time later.
Robin said that she always wanted someone to write a song about her and now it won't stop. She said that you have to be careful what you wish for. Howard said that it would be something else if Richard actually got Robin's brown mound. He said he could imagine what that would look like. Fred kept playing the Curly clips as they were talking about that.
Benjy had his Shofar there and started to play that along to the song. Howard asked Benjy if his sister was in the paper today because he saw her name, Robin Bronk, in an article. He said that she's working on some movie with Barry Levinson. Robin Bronk works for the Creative Coalition and she was mentioned in the article that Howard was reading.
Howard said that he was going to do a movie with Barry Levinson and it would have been really cool if he had been able to do it. Howard said he was one of those guys who saw him and wanted to put him in a movie. That doesn't happen very often. Artie said that some guys are good at picking out talent like that. Artie said they saw him out one night when they went to dinner with Gary. Artie said he could tell the guy was a big fan of the show because he knew his name. Robin said that Barry actually cast Richard Belzer in some shows based on what he heard on the show.
Howard played a couple more clips where some people were walking past live news crews and threw out some Baba Booey references. In one news report there was a woman who yelled out ''Stern rules! Baba Booey!'' which you don't hear often.
Howard played another one where they were calling a golf game and someone threw out a Baba Booey right after the golfer hit the ball.
Howard had a clip of a guy calling into NPR. He said he's not sure if it's a goof or not. He said that the guy is so nervous that he can't talk. They're very patient with him and it's kind of like that character that Richard does called ''Nervous Mark.'' He played the clip where they were interviewing Michael Palen from Monty Python. The caller gets on and starts to get really nervous and locks up and stars to lose his breath. Howard said that the guy sounds very much like that Nervous Mark. Howard played an example of Richard doing that character.
George was confused about the call that Richard made and thought that it wasn't really Richard. Howard said that he was comparing the two and that was Richard in the second clip.
Scott came in and told Howard that his cousin is shorter than him, just as bald and kind of stocky. He said that he's not sure if he's working right now either. He said that he is Jewish and he is a great guy too. He said that the Jewish party may be the only compatible part of him with Lisa.
Scott said that he's not even sure what his cousin does for a living. He said he thinks that he's a good guy. Howard asked Scott if he thinks that he's a good guy himself. Scott said that he's not.
Scott said his cousin is 36 and is living with his mother right now. Howard said he'll check into this for him and told Scott to let him know he'll do that. Howard played a prank call that Richard made to a guy using some Scott the Engineer audio clips.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked how this Mad Dog thing is going to effect Ferrall. Howard said they're going to fire him. He was just joking though. Howard wondered how much they're going to be paying Chris Russo. The caller said that he read that it's $3 million per year. He signed on for 5 years according to the caller.
Howard said that this won't effect Scott Ferrall, he's their sports guy and Russo will have his own channel to do his thing. Artie thinks that they'll both fit in just fine.
Howard counted down while Eric yelled at him that he had been waiting on hold the whole time. He said that he wanted to hear from the guy but he just wasn't there. Eric screamed at Howard to stop it. Howard eventually came around and said that he had been waiting to hear him. Eric said that he's been sitting there the whole fucking time and he didn't move.
Eric was calling Robin a ''retarded bitch'' and going off on her. Howard said that they were running out of time and he had 10 seconds left to say what he wanted to say.
Eric said that he wanted to call in to apologize for yesterday's call. By this time they had a clip of Eric yelling ''Shut up!'' that Fred kept playing over and over again. That had Artie cracking up. He said he loves this kid.
Fred kept playing the clip while Eric was trying to talk. Eric said he wanted to apologize for the call he made yesterday and to say that Johnny's magazine coming out today and to congratulate George on his wedding. George thanked him for that and Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard asked George about a bunch of terms he had about gay people. They were various terms that gay people might use for other gay people, gay stuff or friends to gay people. He threw out a bunch of them and George knew a lot, but not all, of them. Howard told George he did horribly. George said that he had been out of the loop for quite some time so he wasn't familiar with all of them. Howard had George give them a quick announce before they went to break.
Howard said that Aaron smelled of weed and then handed him some new kind of vodka. It was Hammer Sickle vodka and Howard said he was going to try it. He asked the guys if they were going out on tour again. They said that they've been out since June.
Howard said that these guys are the only band that's willing to come in and have some fun with them with this karaoke stuff. Howard said that it's kind of cool when they come in and play a Cher song. One of the guys said that it's the opposite of cool when they play a Cher song. They actually had to turn down some songs because they weren't able to figure out how to do them.
Howard said that he wanted to have Ronnie go first. He said that they're going to judge all of the guys and give the winner $500 courtesy of the Man Groomer.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that he wanted to perform ''Sweet Caroline'' but Howard didn't want him to that one. Howard said he thought that the band didn't want to perform that one. Ronnie said that they never said that and they can't even play this Cher song.
Howard told Ronnie to go for it. The band played and Ronnie sang ''If I Could Turn Back Time.'' Ronnie lost his spot so Howard told him to stop and sit down. He said that the band sounded great and they were doing a good job while Ronnie sucked.
Howard said the band sounded good and he couldn't even hear Ronnie because he wasn't on mic. Howard gave him a 0.0 score on that performance. He asked Aaron to sing the song but Artie said he had to turn away if he did that. Aaron said that it was too high for him... and then said that he was too high. Howard said that he would try it if he had a great singing voice.
Artie said he wanted to turn back time about 61 years and hire an abortion doctor. Ronnie went off on him about that.
Jason was up next and he was going to perform Aerosmith's ''What it Takes.'' He came in wearing rock star sunglasses and belted out the song. The band was great once again with Jason not so great. Howard told him to sit the fuck down a short time into it. Jason was trying to hit the high notes and screeching like an injured dog.
Howard said the band sounds really good. He said that he was going to give Jason two points on that. Howard had the third contestant, Tim Sabean the program director, come in and perform ''Fulsom Prison Blues'' by Johnny Cash. The guys in the band said that this song was a fun one to learn. Tim wasn't coming in so Howard asked him to hurry up and get in there. Tim was in a meeting so he was a little late. Howard asked him what kind of meeting it was. Tim said it was with Scott (Greenstein).
Tim said it smelled like weed in there. Artie told him ''Shut up copper...'' Tim then went into his song and actually did an okay job with it. Howard cut him off and told him to sit down because it was horrible. The band kept playing for a short time. Howard figured that they were going on because they were high.
Howard said that Tim wasn't really horrible. The guys in the band said that his timing was off and that's why he was screwing up. Tim said the smell of weed was throwing him off. Robin thought Tim was better than Ronnie and Jason. Gary said he kind of picked a song he didn't really have to sing. It was mostly talking. The majority of the guys were picking Tim as the winner so far. Fred said that none of them were good and Tim should be sent to Fulsom prison.
Howard said that JD was up next. He was going to perform The Who's ''Won't Get Fooled Again.'' Everyone could tell that JD wasn't looking forward to doing this. They said he looked miserable when he came walking in. Howard told JD that he could win $500 right now if he could pull this off. The band started the song and JD gave a half hearted attempt at singing. The band tried to help him out with some of it but it just wasn't happening. Artie said that was one of the best songs in rock and roll and JD just ruined it.
Fred asked JD if he purposely didn't put any effort into that. Howard told JD that he was horrible. Artie said that Jared Fox would have put some effort into it. JD had walked out by that point.
Howard said that Scott the Engineer was up next and he was going to sing ''Ohio'' by Crosby Stills, Nash and Young. Howard asked him to put some effort into it. Gary said that Scott has been rehearsing every day in his studio with this song. Scott said that he was trying to learn the lyrics and he'll probably screw them up anyway. The band started the song and Scott attempted to sing. The band backed him up with some of the lyrics which wasn't really helping Scott too much. They were doing a great job covering the song though.
Howard let that song go all the way through. Artie said that was like Neil Young on chemo. He told the band that they were great and did some great guitar work. Howard said that it was good that the band covered Scott during that song. Howard said he thinks that Scott just won that competition. He was going to give him the $500. Howard thanked Man Groomer for the $500 and gave them some plugs.
Artie said that the new album was called ''The Illusion Of Progress'' and he liked that. Howard asked Aaron what that was about. Aaron said that they were all standing around talking and not getting anything done and he said that it was like an illusion of progress and that's how he came up with the name of the album.
Howard said he read that AC/DC just made a deal with Wal-Mart where they're selling only in their stores. Aaron said that they bought 3 million copies and they're non-returnable. That's a great deal for AC/DC.
The guys in the band were talking about how tough the music industry is right now and how they have to hope that they're making a whole album that is listenable the whole way through so people will buy the whole thing. Howard said that the art of the album has been lost over the past few years.
Howard said the guys were going to perform the song ''Believe'' from their new album. He asked the guys if they wanted Scott to help them out with their song. Scott yelled out that he doesn't know the words.
Howard asked Aaron about the song and what it was about. Aaron tired to explain how he wrote it and Howard said it sounded like he had no idea what it was about. Aaron said that he was high and it was really about hoping that someone believes in you.
Howard said that the band is going to be performing at the Hard Rock in Manhattan tonight. He said that you can find out where they're performing at Staind.com too. The guys went into their song after that.
Howard said that he believes in Aaron after that. He said that they did a beautiful job there. He asked one of the guys what he was doing on the guitar. He said they call it hacking. He demonstrated that a little bit more. Howard told the guys they sounded really good.
Artie asked who was playing rhythm and lead on the ''Ohio'' song. They told Artie who was doing what. Artie seemed impressed.
Howard asked the guys if they have to practice this new song that they performed this morning. They said that they know the song already so they don't have to rehearse it that much. Howard said that Aaron's voice sounds great. Robin said that it does sound good considering how much he smokes. One of the guys said that Aaron has a cigarette or a joint in his mouth at all times. Aaron said that sometimes he has both at the same time in the recording studio. He said he had given up smoking cigarettes for about 4 years at one point but went back to it.
Aaron said that he was going through a lot of stuff and that's what drove him back to smoking. He said that his wife was pregnant and they thought that the baby might have some genetic defects and that's what drove him back. Howard said that he used to smoke and it really makes no sense. Artie told Aaron that Howard and those guys are health nuts and he shouldn't listen to him.
That led to the guys talking about heroin and how Aaron never tried it because he knows that if he did, he'd like it and get hooked. Artie said that's what happened to him. He said he tried it, laid on a bed and said ''Uh oh, I'm in trouble...'' The guys thought that was funny. Howard had to wrap up a short time later so he could go to break.
Howard mentioned that Howard TV is going to be with him through the end of his contract there at SIRIUS. They were only supposed to be there for 3 years but now they've extended that through the end of the contract. Howard got in some plugs for the Wack Pack Bowling, Beat the Booey, On the Road with the Killers of Comedy and a bunch of other shows they have coming up.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said that they have an apology from Doug Herwitt from HowardStern.com about not putting the picture of her tattoo up on the web site when she sent it over. Howard said that it was an exclusive though.
Steve said they have an interview with Richard's father about their town refusing to let Howard TV shoot on city property. Howard said that they will be shooting at the Christy's house, just not on city property. Howard said that they have a new voice mail from Richard's dad so he played that. In the clip Richard's dad talked about cleaning up the barn with the dog out there with him. They had a snake in the barn and the dog, Bobby, barked at it and tried to protect him. He left him alive because they kill mice and stuff. Richard's dad also said that he was recognized by someone who had stopped by to ask for directions.
Howard had Beetlejuice on the phone. He had something to say but he wasn't saying it at first. Then Beet said that he's going to see Staind tonight at the Hard Rock. Howard reminded everyone that Staind had performed the Beetlejuice song for them. Beet claimed that he was going to be there performing with the band tonight and singing all of their songs.
Howard said that Beet had given up on singing for a while but it sounds like he's back to singing. Howard let him go a short time later.
Eric the Midget was on the phone again. He wanted to yell at Steve Langford. Eric said that he left some voice mails for Steve and he thought they were going to play them today. Howard said they weren't but he could yell at Steve if he wanted to. Eric complained that Steve has been screwing things up for him with Johnny. He said that he wanted to get on the air when Johnny was on the show the other day and Howard didn't put him on. Howard said he didn't see his call, otherwise he would have put him on.
Steve said that he has nothing to do with Eric's problems with Johnny and Johnny and he are the best things that have ever happened to Eric. Steve said that Johnny is a busy man. He said that he spoke to Johnny about this and Johnny said that he's just busy and not upset with him at all.
Howard said that Eric sounds like a woman that wants to date a guy so bad that she keeps calling and asking why he won't call. Eric said that he was supposed to do something later this month and he hasn't heard anything from Johnny yet. Howard told him he should just tell Johnny that he can't go if he doesn't update him.
Eric said it was supposed to be a paid thing that he was going to do. He said that Brandy Talore was supposed to be there too. Howard asked Fred how much money was supposed to come in with that. Fred played the ''Zero point zero'' clip.
Steve said they have an update on the Jesus Twins brother who died and the funeral that was being held. They'll have more on that today on Howard 100 News.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of things they were going to cover today and mentioned the karaoke contest. That led to the guys talking about how little effort JD put into that performance. JD came in and said that he's not a singer and he tried his best. Howard said that he didn't try his best. JD insisted that he did. Howard said that if there was some pussy at stake, he would have tried harder. JD just laughed and asked him to leave him alone.
Robin said that she wished that they could have had Jared come in and perform right after JD. Howard said that JD disrespected the show today.
Howard said that Aaron really smelled like weed today. He said that it's become a part of his demeanor. Artie said that he walked by him and he thinks he's going to fail his piss test today. He said that the piss tests are actually random and he doesn't know when he's going to be tested. He joked that he gets his urine from the interns there. Jon Hein fished up his Wrap Up Show preview a short time later.
Robin read some news about the Olympics and mentioned the commercials they were running for ''Heroes.'' Howard said he's looking forward to the new season and he thinks that George is very good in his role on the show. Howard said that he's got a great role to sink his teeth into. George said he can't talk about what's going on with the show since he signed a non disclosure agreement.
Robin read some news about Michael Phelps and his gold medal wins bringing NBC some great ratings. Howard took a call during that discussion from a guy who asked if he thinks that anyone will surpass what he has done in radio. Howard said he doubts that and his talent is so vast and commanding that he was able to do something that no one else has been able to do. That led to Howard talking about how there is no break out star in radio right now. He said that he's terrific himself and he doesn't think that anyone out there is doing anything interesting.
Howard said that people who have said he sucks in radio can't even say that anymore because of what he's been able to do.
The caller asked Artie if he'd be willing to do a full physical on the show. Artie said he would not be up for that on the air. Howard asked him why he hasn't had one done yet. He said that he just hasn't gotten around to it.
Robin read a story about a 12 year old kid who is over 7 feet tall already. Howard said that's a curse to a kid that age. He said that he will probably end up there on the show though. Robin said he's another Big Foot. Robin said that everything on the kid is over sized so he has giant joints, too many teeth and more. They've had to remove 12 of his teeth so far.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy asked if they can play their music on other channels there. Howard said they don't do that with the music but they do cross promote there.
Wendy the Retard called in and said that she was trying to help her mom out with some stuff and she wants to get her some money for food. Howard said that he just sent her money. Wendy said that she needs money for her cat too. Howard told her that he can't keep sending her money. Wendy said that they have to bail her sister out of jail and they don't have money. Howard said that they can't keep sending her money to spend on xBox and beer. Wendy said she hasn't been doing that lately.
Howard hung up on Wendy to get rid of her. He told Gary to give her Tim Sabean's number or maybe Mad Dog's number since he's got 15 million coming to him.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a 2 headed turtle that was stolen. Howard said that the guy put it on display for the kids to see in his neighborhood and someone took it immediately. He said you can't do anything nice anymore. Artie said that the guy could name the turtle ''Flo and Eddie.'' Howard said that would be funny to them or anyone who knows of The Turtles.
Robin read some news about Chris Russo moving to SIRIUS. The guys spent a short time talking about him and one caller said that they used to bad mouth Howard on Russo's show. Howard said that he wouldn't even know that, he didn't listen. Artie said that he thinks that it had something to do with working with Imus over there at WFAN and he'd like to find out what they really think of Imus.
Robin read some news about the Little League World Series, a plan to lower the drinking age that some college professors are pushing for and a story about teens suffering from high blood pressure from not getting enough sleep. That led to Howard talking about how his kids hate to go to bed and they stay up really late into the wee hours of the morning. He said he tries to tell them that they're missing out on the day when they do that.
Artie said that he got used to staying up late when he was a kid. He said that his parents put a TV in his room when he was 5 years old and he thinks that's why he stayed up so late all the time. He said that he would stay up until after 11, in the 2nd and 3rd grade, watching the Honeymooners and the Odd Couple. He said that his mother would bring in food for him to eat while they watched the show. He said that she'd let him stay up and watch that stuff.
Robin read a story about how chewing gum can help people who have colon surgery. She also read a story about how some video games may help people with their dexterity and problem solving skills. Robin had some news about John McCain and Barack Obama and said that she thinks that they're hearing from them far too much. She played some clips of them talking anyway.
Ralph called in and told Howard that Artie is right about the late night TV. He said he saw the Honeymooners on the other night and he couldn't have been happier. Howard told Ralph that a lack of structure leads to a lazy person. He said that if Ralph had some structure in his life he'd be very successful. Howard said he doesn't know what Ralph is going to do when he retires. Ralph said he'll be fine. He said he's not that worried about it. He said he'll come up with something but he doesn't know what it is right now. Howard said he's extremely talented but he's letting the ship go by.
Robin said that there are some people who think that Sam Simon has him on the payroll and that's how he's going to make his money. Ralph said he's not on his payroll. Howard said that this whole thing is a burden because he's afraid that Ralph is going to be like a retarded kid that he has to take care of when he gets old.
Ralph said it wouldn't cost him that much to take care of him. He said that he can throw him half a mill and he'll be fine. Artie said that there are a lot of people who don't have a game plan there.
Robin got back to her news and read about the Pakistani president resigning from his position. People are wondering what's going to happen now that he's gone. Robin had some clips of Jesse Jackson commenting on Isaac Hayes funeral. She had some audio of Christina Applegate talking about her breast cancer. The guys spent a short time on that story. Robin thought that was pretty horrible because she had a double mastectomy at the young age of 36. She's starting to learn to eat macrobiotically now. Robin said that's what she's doing as well.
Robin said that her nephew came back from Europe after being over there for a while and immediately noticed how big people are here in the U.S.
Robin read a story about Battlestar Galactica coming back with a film and it's going to be about what's going on in the Cylon colony. She had some audio of Edward James Olmos talking about that.
Robin read some news about cyber-bullying. That led to Howard talking about how Scott DePace bullies kids online when he plays games on xBox Live. Scott said that the kids are the ones who bully him. He said that he doesn't bully them. Robin wrapped up her news a short time later.
Gary said that they're doing the bachelor party for George tomorrow. Howard also mentioned that he had 10 pairs of tickets to the Staind show tonight to give away. He told Gary to just give them away to the first 10 callers. Howard ended the show around 10:40am.
JD said that The Who song that he did wasn't his first choice. Gary said that they had to do songs that people had heard of and that's why they made some people change what they were going to sing. JD said that he wanted to sing Urge Overkill's ''Girl You're Going to be a Woman Soon.'' Jon thought that would have been great but Gary said that no one knows that song. Jon disagreed with him about that.
JD said that he picked The Who song because he hears it a lot at Artie's shows and stuff. JD was also saying that he's not a performer and that's why he didn't perform the way they wanted him to. He said he listened back to the song and thought that he did put some effort into it.
Jon had Teddy play JD's performance and talked to him about what happened there. JD said he's sorry he can't sing, this was the first time he ever sang in public. JD said that Jason is singing that Aerosmith song all the time. JD said that he doesn't sing in the office like everyone else.
Gary said that JD didn't put any inflection into his voice. JD said he knows, that's the way it came out and he's sorry about that. He said that he did try and he got pissed when everyone said he didn't. Gary said that he could have put more excitement into it.
Benjy came in and asked JD what it would have sounded like if he didn't try. JD said that it would have been him reading. Benjy also mentioned that he had just yelled out Baba Booey during the Chris Russo press conference over there.
Gary said that he had everyone come by last night to talk to the band about what they were going to be doing. JD came in and they told him what to do. They asked him if he had any questions and he said he didn't. Then JD went back to Gary and asked him what he was going to be doing. JD said that he was just checking with him.
The guys played the Urge Overkill song that JD wanted to sing. JD sang along to it a little bit and asked if that was better. He didn't sing more than a couple of words but they said it probably would have been better.
JD's dad called in and said that's about what they should have expected from JD. He said he can't wait for him to come home so they can go out and do karaoke together. JD said that won't happen.
The guys were also talking about the mix on the vocals which wasn't very good. Ronnie was a little too low. Scott the Engineer was in and said that he had nothing to do with that today.
Ronnie came in and said that he heard JD talking about him saying that he sings all the time. He said that he doesn't sing karaoke all the time. JD said that he did at his block party. Ronnie said that's not really karaoke.
Ronnie was saying that Scott was practicing for 3 weeks to perform that song. Scott said he just did that about 4 times to learn the lyrics. He said that he just wanted to know what he was going to be singing. Ronnie said that Scott told him that he was singing the song the whole weekend. Jason said that Scott may have only done it 3 or 4 times but he was doing it for 6 hours at a time. He said there were days when they heard the song playing all day long.
Scott said that he's still in shock that he won. Gary said that he can't wait for management to come to him and say that they can't give Scott the money.
Gary said that Jason knows that he can't sing but he went for it anyway and gave it his best shot. He said that JD didn't try as hard as Jason did though.
The guys talked about how Ronnie was better than JD and JD got upset about that. He said that he had to have been better than Ronnie. No one believed that was the case. Jon had Teddy play Jason's performance and Jason said that he had lost his place at one point but Aaron helped him get back to the right spot.
Ronnie and JD were goofing on each other quite a bit so Jon cut them off and had Teddy play Tim Sabean's performance. They spent a little time talking about that performance. Gary talked about the time he got really drunk and did karaoke. He said that he got up there and just started screaming like a nut.
Jon played JD's performance again. JD said his timing was down unlike Ronnie. Jason told JD that he should just tattoo ''I don't give a fuck'' on his forehead.
Ralph called in and said that they're torturing JD about this and the poor kid can barely even speak. He was also saying that Scott sounded okay at moments. Jason said that Aaron sang along with Scott through the whole song too so that helped him out. Gary said that it was Howard's decision how things went in there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Scott and the band did a great job with that song. He said that was one of his favorite songs when it came out. The guy corrected Scott on a lyric he screwed up. He said ''Nixon's coming'' instead of ''Nixon coming.'' The guys weren't even sure if the caller was right about that.
Gary asked JD if he was left out, would he have been upset. JD said that he may have. He said that he probably would have. Jason said that they were all asked to be in the contest and they didn't have to do it if they didn't want to.
The guys were all picking on JD and he said he was done with it so Jon moved on. A woman called in and said that they always complain that Lisa G isn't a team player but JD is the one who isn't a team player. JD told her to shut up. JD said that if he wasn't a team player he wouldn't have done it at all. The woman said that Jason at least gave it a try.
Jon said that he thinks that Jason believes he can sing. Jason said that he wishes he could sing but he knows he's not good, his girlfriend tells him that all the time.
Another woman called in and told Jason that he ruined that song and JD did do better than Ronnie. She said that Gary doesn't give the audience as much credit as they deserve and he should have been allowed to do the song he was comfortable doing. Gary told her to call Howard and tell him that because it was up to him.
The woman was going off on Gary for the way he says ''Look, look'' when he starts off his sentences. Ronnie asked her what her problem is. She said that she was sticking up for Ronnie until now.
The guys asked her what she looks like and if she was hot. She said that she thinks she's hot. She said that she's 5'6'' tall with red hair and blue eyes. They picked on her for a minute and then let her go.
Another caller asked Scott if he's going to use that money to buy an iPod so he can quit bitching (about Tim Sabean not buying him one). Scott said he won't be buying that and he's married so he and his wife will decide what to do with the money.
Another caller said that the woman who called in was really annoying. He was defending Gary and also complaining about being on hold for 4 hours today. He threw in some strange reference to eating a bologna sandwich while sitting on the toilet or something like that.
Jon took some more calls and let a few more people comment on this karaoke contest. They had to go to break a short time later.
JD said that he was practicing early this morning when he came in and it came out the same way it did on the air. JD was also saying that he tries to stay away from Scott as much as possible so he doesn't have any of that black cloudiness rub off on him. He said that he knows that his door was closed a lot in the past couple of weeks.
Jon took a call from a guy who ran down the list of guys who performed today and gave his thoughts on each of them. Another caller said that Ronnie just loves to bust JD's balls. JD started to say something about Ronnie but he kind of trailed off and didn't complete his thought.
Another caller said that they bring up the subject of what people are going to be doing when Howard retires and no one seems to know. He asked what JD and Ralph and the Wack Packers are going to be doing. The guy said that their jobs don't really translate over into the real world.
Jon said that he thinks that Howard does feel guilt and responsibility for the people who work for him. He said that may or may not change his plans for retiring after his contract is up. JD said that he thinks that Howard will go if he wants to go and he won't worry about them that much.
Jon asked JD if he would go to work for Jimmy Kimmel or the Daily Show or something. JD said that he would like to be a filmmaker and do something in that area eventually. The caller asked about Sal and Richard. Jon said that's a fair question and he's not sure if they can make it out on the road as comedians.
Richard came in so Jon asked him about the people who think that he should grow his hair back. Richard said that the people there are 50/50 on whether or not he should grow it back. He said that he would rather go for that scary look that he has with the shaved head. He said that you have to look scary to survive in New York City.
Gary said that he thought Richard's hair cut was very jarring to him when he saw it. He said that he hasn't gotten sued to it and he thinks that he should grow it back. He said that he doesn't have the right shaped head. Richard said that he was afraid that he was going to find a 666 burned into his head when he shaved it all off.
Richard said that he was hoping to get rid of his bald spots when he shaved his head. He said that he doesn't have to worry about lice now that it's shaved off. He said he had lice when he was a little kid and he may have started the break out in school.
Gary said that he started to get an itchy head when he heard Richard talking about the lice. He said he was wearing his headphones and he started to think that he had lice. Gary said that he had crabs one time when he was first starting to work with Howard. He said that he was still living with his parents at the time and he had to tell them to wash their sheets in really hot water. His father knew what was going on but his mother didn't.
Jon got the guys back on the subject of Lisa G and brought up how Howard was calling her a pain in the ass. He asked if the news has become the show's worst enemy. Gary said that he's not sure. He said that Howard created that department to report on the show and now Howard is thinking they're getting too carried away with it. Benjy thinks that they should investigate other things and not follow the show so much.
Shuli came in and said that they have a job to do there and they love it when they're going after everyone else but not when they do stories on them. Gary said that they could turn it around on the news team and start reporting on the people they're dating. Shuli said that everything is fair game on the Stern Show.
Shuli said that there are things that they can't report on there at SIRIUS and they should be allowed to do that stuff. He was being kind of vague about what he was talking about.
A caller corrected Gary on something he had said about the Chris Russo's show earlier today. He corrected him on the name of one of the producers that worked for him.
Jon took some more phone calls after that. There was one guy who said that he thinks that Artie has been getting shit on by Howard a lot lately. The guy said that Artie will try to tell a story and Howard will cut him off. Gary said he hasn't noticed that at all. He said that Artie doesn't even seem to be talking that much after talking so much when he was a couple of weeks ago.
Gary said there are a lot of things on the web that people read that they think is real after reading it. Shuli said that there's a big debate about his news sign off and how they think that he's defying Howard because Howard has said on many occasions that he doesn't like it. That's just not true.
Jon took a call from a Mike and the Mad Dog fan who said that they are to sports radio what Howard is to radio. He thinks that they innovated a lot of stuff in that format. Gary said that he kind of agrees with him on that. Gary said that he didn't think that they were going to be able to do a 24 hour sports channel, on WFAN, but they managed to pull it off. Jon had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about the sandwich he just ate this morning that dripped all over. He said that it was all wet from condensation. His hands were covered in ''egg juice.'' Artie said that yesterday was really hot there in the city. Robin said that the heat and humidity did return yesterday.
Howard said that today is George Takei's bachelor party. Artie said he was going to call in sick this morning but figured he'd be a man and come in. Howard told him he can't miss out on that. They have a whole agenda with gay porn, gay wedding songs, prettiest penis contest, Jonah Falcon with his 14 inch penis and more. Gary told Howard that Jonah doesn't love them but he is a big fan of George's.
Howard said they're going to play Guess What's In My Ass and they're going to have Randy Jones from the Village People call in to sing ''YMCA'' to George. George said it would be nice if Artie wrote a song for him. Artie said he can come up with something.
Fred played ''One Singular Sensation'' since that's what he's going to have playing at his wedding. Howard said that gay guys really love shows like that.
Howard played the audio of Sal roasting George. He was telling Jew jokes about the room. He moved on to roast George and took some digs at him not being an A-list celebrity. He also joked about some of the other comedians that were there like Korey Kaheney, Jim David and Gilbert Gottfried. He got back to George and told some gay jokes.
Sal seemed to be killing at the roast. He was getting a ton of laughs. He then told George that he loved him when he ended his roast. Artie said he did a great job.
Artie asked George if Brad was there. George said he was but he couldn't see him in there. Howard said that Sal had tried an AIDS joke on him and he told him not to do that one. He ended up going with it anyway. Gary said he told Sal to read the room before he does that one.
George said the only jokes he didn't like were the age jokes. He said that he hasn't had any face lifts or anything like that and he has all of his own teeth. He said he feels young too. Artie told him that 71 is young over at the Friar's club. George said that's true because he looked out into the audience and did feel young.
Howard said that Gary and Tim told Sal to cut out some of his jokes that were a little too brutal. He cut out most of that stuff but stuck with that AIDS joke.
Howard said that Sal was late, probably because he was out working last night. Artie said that Sal should have entered that contest they have over at the Friar's Club. He said that Sal felt that he was above that and didn't try out for it.
Gary said that they did call Sal and invited him to the contest but he never called anyone back. Sal said that he roasts people on the Howard Stern Show and he doesn't need to do the roasts ''with those losers.'' Howard said he kind of gets that but he's not sure that it would help Sal out to network with those people. It could hurt him if he did.
Artie said that Mike Morse is part of that contest and it's going to be a great thing for him if he makes it to the final round.
Howard asked George how his speech went there. George said he kept it short and clean. Howard played some audio of that speech. George said that he was thrilled about the chance to get roasted. He went on for a couple of minutes.
Richard came in and told the guys they were going to play a clip from ''Marine Bondage'' for George. They've played the audio on the show before but they're going to see the video for the first time. They played the clip where this one guy is dominating another guy and the one guy is yelling out ''OOhhhhh'' over and over as he's getting beaten. George said that one of the guys looked like Richard.
George said that he's not into all of that pain stuff. He said he thinks that it should be sensual. Artie said that he was fine with just knowing the audio of that. Artie said he walked past JD's office the other day and Richard had a big legal pad and a dopey smile on his face and told him he probably didn't want to be there.
Richard said that there's one clip where this guy has his nose in another guy's balls and he's never seen anything so funny. They had that clip ready to play next. Artie said that he's against all of this and he's not getting into it. The guys checked out that clip and Richard laughed his ass off. George seemed to be into it and said that the guy was sucking his balls.
Richard said they had one more clip of a guy jerking off and finishing on another guy. George said that this was a shame that they're on radio because the fans can't see what's going on. They played the next clip where the guy finishes on another guy and Howard said it looks like what happened to Artie. Richard said it looked like the frosting on his cupcake.
Artie said he feels bad that the guys out there framing a house can't see this stuff. George said that he can't wait to see the guy with the big penis. Howard said that he's a little shook up after those clips. He said the last clip was pretty bad. He said he hasn't seen a lot of gay porn and he doesn't find it erotic. George said he can watch gay or hetero porn and enjoy either.
Howard played an audio clip of a guy in a hetero porn clip who sounds just like Richard making that dry heaving sound he makes on the show. The guy was finishing on this chick and it sounded just like Richard. Howard said that was from ''Sexual Freaks 7.''
Richard asked George to make the sound of what he sounds like when he cums. George did that and Richard said he's glad he's got George isolated back in his office. Howard asked if that's what it really sounds like. George said that is the way he sounds.
Howard thanked Richard for pulling the gay clips. He asked him to grow his hair back because it's very disturbing to see him. Richard said his girlfriend likes it that way. Artie said they have to have her in to find out if she's really into the stuff that Richard claims she is.
Richard said he had a gift for George and gave him a copy of ''Marine Bondage.'' George said that he would volunteer to watch the gay porn stuff for the show if they need someone to do that.
Howard said that the gay bachelor party is good so far. He said they'll have the Prettiest Penis contest a little later. He played some song parodies for George and they were all songs with gay lyrics.
Howard said that he saw Chris Russo for the first time yesterday and noticed that he's very tan. He said that he should try putting some suntan lotion on. Gary said that he lives in Connecticut and plays tennis a lot. Howard said he looks kind of odd.
Howard said that Russo and Scott Greenstein were being interviewed for some TV shows and stuff and he thinks that Scott just shouldn't be on TV. He said he felt kind of bad for Scott when he saw that going on. He was like a deer caught in the headlights. Howard played some audio of that and said that he sounds better than he looked during that interview.
Gary said that Mad Dog thanked Howard during the press conference. He said that he thinks that he thanked him for making SIRIUS what it is today and making it possible for him to work there. Howard said that it is a great place to work and there isn't any other place they can do what they do there, unencumbered.
Howard brought up Russo's tan again and said that he really should wear some sun tan lotion. Artie said that they should ask Robin who Russo's favorite rock star is. Robin didn't know. She claimed to be a fan yesterday but she knew nothing about him when the guys asked her about him.
Howard read some e-mail from some fans who liked that Howard called her out on the claims that she liked the show. The writer said that Robin is really a sad person who claims to know about just about everything.
Howard read some mail about a few other things like George Takei being in this week. The writer also thought that Artie was back to being funny again now that he's off the drugs. Howard had the clip of George doing his orgasm impression and played that a couple of times.
Johnny said that he said that Eric was asking if this Brandy Talore was going to be at the photo shoot that he was doing. He thought she was going to be there so he was going to come because of that. Johnny said that Eric found out she wasn't going to be there so he canceled the appearance. Johnny said that Eric wanted him to pay for his plane tickets and stuff and then he cancels.
Johnny said that this little cocksucker can push him way too far. He said that he's nuts. Howard said that he heard that someone wanted to hire Eric to do an appearance and he was so hard to work with that the guy didn't want to deal with it.
Howard asked Johnny why he wants to help this guy out with his career. Johnny said that he's gotten so pissed with him lately that he'd choke him if he were in front of him.
Howard got Eric the Midget on the phone and asked him what he's done. Eric said that he doesn't know what the fuck Howard is talking about with him getting hired. Howard asked Ronnie to come in and tell him about that. Robin said that the reason Howard likes Eric is because he doesn't deal with him.
Ronnie came in and said that he was contacted about this thing that's going on out in Vegas and Johnny was going to be there so they were trying to get Eric to come out. He was an obnoxious piece of shit and they didn't book him.
Ronnie said that Eric has this attitude that he can do whatever he wants and he's very arrogant like he deserves all of this shit. Howard said that maybe Eric is so special needs that they're not used to the demands that they have to make. Johnny said that all of that was offered. Ronnie said that the guy is just a dick. Eric told him to shut the fuck up.
Johnny said that he doesn't know one brandy from another and that's why he told Eric that she was going to be at this event.
Howard told Eric to go ahead and talk to Johnny. Johnny told Eric that if he doesn't show up at this event he's scheduled for, he's not sure what he's going to do. Johnny said that they took Eric's moderating privileges away from him at the JFSC.tv site. Howard said he might go over there and check it out now.
Johnny told Eric tell this story. Eric said that he was hoping to have Brandy Talore at this event that he was going to do but he found out that he was misled so he was going to cancel. Howard asked Eric who this chick is and why she has to be there. Johnny wanted to know that too. He said that there will be tons of girls there who are the same caliber or higher.
Johnny said that they got rooms and flights and now they're talking about suing him. Johnny said that he admits that he doesn't know any Brandy Talore and she wasn't on his list. He made a mistake.
Howard told Eric that there are going to be tons of chicks there. Eric said that he feels misled about that. Johnny said that he doesn't know porn stars and all Brandy's look the same to him. Johnny said he was going to get paid to show up there too. Howard asked Eric what the down side is if he goes to this thing.
Eric put the blame on Howard because he didn't set up a meeting with this Brandy Talore. Howard said that he doesn't know any Brandy Talore. Gary said that they got her on the phone to talk to Eric and that was it. Robin said they were going to arrange a date but Eric didn't want cameras around.
George said that Eric should say a thank you for the stuff that these people are doing for him. Johnny said that Eric doesn't understand what's going on. He said that if he were at his place he'd have him hanging over his 6th floor balcony this morning. Eric said that was the Ambien talking. Johnny said that he's not on Ambien but he will be.
Johnny said that he signed a contract with Eric and he paid for the plane tickets and the hotel and now he's backing out of it. Johnny said that if Eric doesn't show up, he's going to get sued by the people who set up this event.
Howard told Johnny to let Eric do his own thing and get out of business with him. Howard said that Eric doesn't care enough to bail him out of this.
Howard said that maybe Eric will have second thoughts and bail him out. Johnny said that he's paying him to do this and he just doesn't get why he's not showing up. Eric said he feels misled and it's not enough to make him want to go.
Eric said that he wants Brandy Talore because she's the hottest, bustiest porn star out there. Johnny said that even if Eric meets this chick, it means nothing. He said there are going to be 800 girls at this event and there has to be at least one who is going to be better than this one.
Howard asked Eric to give Johnny a break and just go to the event. Eric said that things haven't been lining up for him this summer like he thought they were going to. Johnny said that Eric got sick and wasn't able to go to the casting call. Eric said he hasn't been sick in over a week now. Johnny said that he's doing this casting call in a room he has to rent and it's not available until September and Eric can't get past that.
Howard asked Eric if he's going to this event or not. Eric said he's not going. Johnny said that he has to find another midget then. He said he has to do that because he's going to get sued now. Howard said that Beetlejuice might fly out for the right money. Johnny said he can try but this guy isn't too happy with him right now.
Howard said that he can try with Beetlejuice to see what happens. Johnny told everyone to go to the JFSC and kick Eric out if they want. They've taken away his mod rights so any other mod can kick him out.
Howard said that Johnny put Eric on his own web site and gave him shows. He put him on cam and took him to the WWE, brought him to Beverly Hills a couple of times and more. Eric said that Johnny left the WWE before it was over. Johnny said that's because he has a brain and doesn't want to watch that stuff.
Eric said that Johnny leaving meant that he couldn't get back stage. Johnny said that he couldn't last at the event and he had to leave.
Robin said that Eric's life is going to fall back into nothingness now that this has happened. Eric said that he can do his whole cam thing for free if he wants. He doesn't have to use the JFSC.
Johnny told Eric to just go to Vegas and give it a try. If he doesn't have fun he can yell at him afterward. Johnny said that he has to make some other people happy and get him out there. Howard said that Johnny is the son of a mobster. Johnny said that he doesn't know where that DNA is when he needs it. He just wants to make some people happy and that's all he wants to do.
Johnny asked Eric what he's going to be doing that night he's supposed to be in Vegas. Eric said he's going to be watching TV. Johnny told him there are going to be 800 girls with their titties showing out there. He said he knows that Eric wants to see that and he's not sure why he's not going. He said that he thinks that all of those porn chicks will be showing up to that thing and this Brandy Talore might just be there. Robin said she hopes that she does show up and Eric is sitting home watching TV that night.
Howard had Beetlejuice (audio clips) on the phone and talked to him about doing this thing with Johnny. The guys in the back played the clips and had him giving Eric some advice and yelling at him.
Howard asked Eric if he cares that Johnny is going to be sued. The guys all answered for him and said that Eric doesn't care about anyone else. Johnny said that he will pay Brandy Talore to go to this event if they can get in touch with her. Johnny asked everyone out there to help him out and get in touch with her.
Johnny said he's not even mad, he's just disappointed. Howard said he hears him and he guesses that things are over with them. Johnny said that things are over if he doesn't show up to the Vegas thing.
Howard asked Eric if he had any final words for Johnny. Eric said he wasn't sure. Howard asked Eric if he had anything to say because he had to end this. Eric has been complaining that Johnny wasn't calling him the past few days and now he's come out with this.
Johnny said that this is the reason he hasn't called Eric. He said he's got people pissed off at him for this whole thing. Howard asked Johnny why he's involved in this. Johnny said that he must have lost his mind. He said he's 54 with a pregnant wife and he might just have Alzheimer's or something. Johnny isn't even getting paid for this event. Howard said that he doesn't know why he's wrapped up in this Eric the Midget thing. Eric said that he doesn't want him calling him that anymore. He wants to be called Eric the Actor. Fred said that he's Eric the Backer Outer, Eric the Welcher or Eric the Cheater.
Johnny asked Eric to agree to do this appearance. Eric said that there's no reason to. Eric asked Johnny what happened to the visit to the Playboy mansion. Johnny said that's going to happen. He said that the casting thing was canceled by Eric so he's not sure what's going on with that.
Johnny said he had to get going but Eric told him that he was going to do this. Johnny had hung up so Eric demanded that they get him back on the line. Eric said he was about to say yes and he wanted him back on the phone. Howard said that he didn't have his number and he just had him on the phone for 15 minutes.
Eric was all pissed off at them again and demanding that they get him back on. Howard said he had a radio show to do there. Howard told Eric to call him off the air and let him know that he had a change of heart. Howard was going to let him go but Eric demanded that he not hang up on him.
Howard put Eric on hold and told him that he'd let him talk to Johnny if he called back. Howard said he doesn't have time for this and he's not sure if his audience cares.
Howard said he's about to get married and it's freaking him out. Artie said that maybe she broke the agreement to be his beard. He immediately said he was just kidding about that.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that the Wack Pack Bowling is great. He said that you'd think that the Wack Packers all escaped from Creedmore and ran to the bowling alley. He said that there was some disturbing stuff going on in that second episode.
Howard gave Greg Fitzsimmons a plug for a show he's doing at the Trump Marina down in Atlantic City this weekend.
Howard moved on and brought in this guy Jonah Falcon who has a sports show, Talkin' Yankees, that they prank call all the time. He also has a 14 inch penis and he was coming in to show that to George. Howard said he knows that Jonah isn't a fan of theirs but he is a fan of George's.
Jonah was wearing a bathing suit so he could get his junk out for George. Jonah said that he's listed as being bi-sexual but he's never taken it from a guy before. He said that he just got laid this past weekend but he's know the girl for a long time. He said that the girls don't always go crazy for the big penis.
Jonah said that there are girls who see it and just say no to him. Howard asked Jonah to show George his penis. Jonah said that he's about 8.5 inches when he's soft. He wasn't going to show it to the guys because he was soft. He said that he can't just get hard on command. Howard asked Jonah if he was big when he was a kid. Jonah said he was 8 inches when he was 10 years old and some other boys measured him.
George caught a glimpse of his penis and Jonah said that he could touch it if he wanted. George said that Brad isn't listening to the show today because of this so he may be able to touch it. George went over to touch it a short time later.
The guys said it looked like George was milking a cow. He was tugging on his penis and the guys were wondering what the was doing over there. George sounded like he was having some fun over there. Howard said that this was some bachelor party. George said that it smelled like he had garlic for breakfast this morning and apparently kissed the guy or something. No one said what was going on at that point.
George told Jonah that he was going to be down in Atlanta at a Star Trek convention. It sounded like he was hitting on him. George said that he could have Jonah working out with him. The guys reminded him that he's about to get married.
Howard asked Jonah if that was exciting for him. Jonah said that he was more of a fan of the TNG (The Next Generation) and not so much a fan of the old shows.
George said that a little variety is great once in a while. Howard said this was an exciting bachelor party. Artie said it was the strangest one he had ever been to. He said that the groom usually does stuff that could ruin a wedding and George seems to be doing that. George said that Brad isn't listening so he should be okay.
Howard told Jonah that he didn't disappoint at all this morning. Jonah said that a lot of his friends are proud of him getting married out in California and he wanted to sing a song to him. He said this was for George and Brad. He started singing a few seconds later and had the guys laughing. Artie was laughing so hard he was crying. He wasn't even able to speak. He eventually said he didn't even know what to say to that.
Jonah finished his song and Artie continued to laugh his ass off at him. Jonah was going on and on with the song and wouldn't stop singing. Howard said he wishes that Artie's dad was there. Artie said ''No you don't...'' Jonah said that song was from a Muppet movie where Gonzo was singing in the middle of the desert.
George said that this is all part of the diversity of life and they're exposing the audience to that. Artie asked Jonah if he was more gay or hetero. Jonah said that he should remain sexually ambiguous for his career as an actor.
Howard thanked Jonah for coming in and said that he's a nice guy. He said he knows that he gets his balls busted on his TV show but he seems to be a nice guy.
Howard asked George if Jonah got hard when he was squeezing him. George said he didn't. Robin said that he must have to lay down to get hard because the size of that thing would take a lot of blood.
George said that he's taking Brad out to a nice restaurant tonight because he has a feeling that he may hear some of this today.
George said that he loves Garlic and it seems that Jonah may have had some for breakfast this morning. Robin asked Artie if this was the worst day for him today as a Stern Fan. Artie said that he thinks that Imus has more listeners this morning than Howard does.
Artie said that he can't believe that guy hosts a Yankee's sports show. Howard asked Richard for the best call they made to this Jonah Falcon call in show. Gary told him which one to play. It was one where Richard and Sal called in and asked Jonah about the weather over and over again. Artie was laughing his ass off again after a few minutes of those calls. Jonah was taking call after call and they were all Sal and Richard busting his balls. Artie asked what the fuck is with that kid.
Howard said that he was told he had the blood pressure of a teenager. He didn't know what it was though. Ralph called in after that and said he just woke up and heard them asking a guy who whip his cock out. Howard said they were throwing George a bachelor party today.
Howard said that it was time for the Prettiest Penis contest. The guys who were in the contest came walking in a few seconds later. Robin was shocked at whatever it was she was seeing. Howard asked the first contestant how old he was. He's 78. Howard said that he was totally nude too. Howard asked the guy if he is gay or straight. He said he was straight but it sounded like he was hesitating on the answer.
The 78 year old was posing and trying to give his penis a background so George could see it. The guy asked Howard how his dog Java is doing. He was holding a stuffed dog in his hand that barked. Howard said this guy's name is George Lyker. He tried to ask him some questions but the guy was going on about some letter he had sent to Artie about playing mind games with this outpatient program he's in.
Howard asked the guys to judge George L's penis. George said it was lacking in circumference but it was a fine penis. Howard had the second guy go up and his name was Maurey. He had a strange voice that was kind of like Scott Ferrall. He was putting that on and got back into his real voice a second later. Howard said that this contest was sponsored by ManGroomer.com.
Howard asked Maurey to show his penis. He chubbed it up a little bit but it was kind of a nub when he took it out. George kept that in his mind and Howard brought up Mike to show his penis. The guy was a muscular guy and said he was straight. He said that he's always worked out and just maintains that with push ups and pull ups. He said his wife tells him he has a pretty penis. He showed his penis to the guys and Artie said he was busy texting people so he didn't see any of this.
Howard said that the next guy, Gogo Boy, was sucking his thumb. He said that he's Tri-sexual and he will try anything. He was wearing a t-shirt for his friend's band ''Toilet Boys.'' Howard spent a minute talking to him and then had him pull down his pants. He showed off his penis and George said it could use some exercise.
Next up was Mike who was missing a few teeth. He said he's a skate boarder so that's why he's missing some teeth. He said that he's one of the original Jackasses too so he does a lot of crazy stunts. George wanted him to take off all of his clothes so he could see what was going on there. He did that and then showed his penis. He was shaved down and George liked that. He liked his tattoos and his ''buns.'' Mike said that anyone that wanted to be tattooed could get it done by his guy who was there with him.
Howard moved on to Ron who claimed that his penis looked like a renaissance painting. He said that his wife tells him that it's very pretty. He showed his penis and he had a foreskin restoration tugger attached to it. He said he was circumcised at birth and he's trying to grow some new skin there. He said it actually worked and showed the guys what he's got down there. He said it took about 4 years for him to grow the 4 inches of skin he has there now. He claims that sex is even better now that he has it.
Howard said it was time to judge. George L said that he didn't think that he was going to win. He asked Howard about what his IQ was. Howard said he thinks that he might be close to being retarded. George L said that he had a theory about Howard and Beth that he wanted to present to him. He wanted to do it on the air or during the break. Howard told him to do it now because it won't happen during the break. George L said that he thinks his marriage will last 2 years and then he'll be back in a situation like he's in now and he'll divorce and then live with Beth again. Howard said he wanted to take him and throw him out of there.
George L was complaining that Howard didn't get all of the letters and stuff that he had sent to him. Howard cut him off and said he was high jacking the show. He said that wasn't fair to the rest of the contestants.
The guys all whipped out their penises, except for Maurey, and then George said that they were all beautiful. He said he was going to go with he total physical look and picked this guy Michael Christian as the winner. Howard sang a song to him about his beautiful penis. George sang to him as well.
One of the guys wanted to give George a lap dance but Howard told him ''not today.'' He wrapped up and let the guys go a short time later. The foreskin guy offered George a Foreskin cone for Brad. George said that he'd take it. Howard said that this really is a gay bachelor party. George said that this is a great day for him. Robin said that he didn't even want it earlier in the week. George said that's because Brad was listening.
George was singing the ''Release Robin's Bra'' song parody so Fred played that so he could sing along to it. Howard cut that off and talked to Artie about what was going on there. Fred said that he thought the penis restoration thing was kind of weird. He said that it looked very odd to him.
Gary said that Will just came out and said that he was done with cocks after today. Gary said that Richard is upset that he can't put anything in his ass. Howard said that he's not going to do that. He said they only lasted until 8 o'clock with the gay bachelor party. He said they tried to do the best they could.
Howard said that they will let the guy from the Village People sing the song to George. He's not sure what else they're going to do though. He said that Sal and Richard wanted to play naked Twister.
Dominic Barbara called in and said he's heading out on his boat on the East River soon and Artie might want to get out of there and come with him. That led to Howard reading some e-mail they've gotten about Dominic and people are kind of fed up with him. Howard let Dominic go a short time later.
Howard said that he will think about the bachelor party but he thinks that he's done with it now. It's hard to take in mass like that.
Ralph called in again and said that it sounds like Dominic has something messed up in his life that he's not talking about. Ralph said he thinks that maybe he was molested as a child or something and he keeps hinting at it when he calls in. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
George said that he had no idea that he talked like that and he thinks he needs some rehearsals. Howard said that he's got something going on with his equipment and there are strange noises and it's driving him nuts. He said he was going to keep going but he was going through some difficult times there. He was very cranky because it was too hot in the studio. He said that might be part of it. That and the penises that they had in there. Robin said she learned that men are creepy after all of that stuff earlier.
Howard asked how far along they are. The guy said that she's due on January 7th. Howard had the guy's wife Wendy on the phone too. She said that it's not a two headed baby, it's a parasitic twin head that's attached to the head of the baby.
Wendy said that he's all excited to have the baby like that and she doesn't want it. Wendy said that she's over 35 years old and it was hard for her to get there. She said that she may not be able to have another baby but she doesn't want a freak of nature. She said that she doesn't want one that could die an hour after it's born.
Robin said it sounds like she wants an abortion and the husband doesn't. Howard said he gets it and wondered what the problem is. Wendy said that her husband thinks that it's a ''we'' decision and she thinks it's a ''me'' decision. Robin said she would go along with the wife. Howard said he agrees with that.
Wendy said that the baby would have two pairs of eyes, two noses, two mouths and one set of ears. Robin said she would get rid of it.
Howard asked the guy, Mike, how long this took for them to get pregnant. Mike said it was over a couple of years. Wendy said that it's very tough for her to get pregnant because she has cysts on her ovaries and some other issues.
Wendy said that she's getting old and turning 38 soon so she doesn't have a lot of time left to get pregnant. Mike said that this is the reason he wants to have the baby. He said that this is the chance they've been waiting for and he wants to go through with it.
Howard said that Wendy is right and it's too dangerous. He said that the kid would have to suffer through life like that although they could have it on the show. Howard said that it would be good for the show. Mike said he would be excited about that. Howard told him this isn't the reason to go through with it.
Dominic Barbara said he had a case similar to this and the father won the case and they had the baby. The baby is suffering in life with this and they have to think about the child before they make it suffer through life with something like that.
Mike said that he thinks that his wife is being punished here because she cheated on him. Wendy said that she was with some women before Mike and she was with some women. Dominic said that was an awful thing to say that she was being punished.
Artie said that he knows that his parents would have wished that they had a second chance when they saw his head.
Dominic said that in his case the guy said that the mother was unfit to make the decision. He told Wendy to get on a plane, fly up to Canada and get it done. He said that he'd even pay for the airfare and hotel room. Wendy said that if she goes up there and does that, and Mike doesn't hold her hand, she's not going back to him. Dominic said that he'll help her get divorced. Mike said that he will probably divorce her if she doesn't go through with it.
Howard asked Wendy if this is going to help her make her decision. Wendy said that she doesn't want to lose her husband and the baby at the same time. She said that she would have had two boys if things had worked out. She said that the baby could die within hours after being born. Mike said that a few hours is better than no hours.
Wendy said that Mike is a lazy ass who isn't making enough money and he wants this baby to be his meal ticket that he can take on Oprah and shows like that. Mike said that he was thinking about doing that and to get some publicity. Howard said ''wow'' to that and said that's out of line.
Howard asked if they have to name each head if it has two heads. Wendy said that they don't. There have been other babies like this that move and do some stuff but not everything. Mike said that the baby looks kind of like a Picasso and he thinks they should name it Pablo.
Howard said that he had a two headed person on the show a few years ago and they had rhyming names. Wendy said that there are some functional people out there but they are usually two full human beings that are conjoined. She said that this is a parasitic twin though.
Dominic said he thought this was fake at first but now he's thinking it's for real. Howard said he believes that it is real. Wendy said that she didn't picture this happening the way it's happening but she does love Mike.
Robin said it's like Mike wants to punish Wendy with a deformed child. Wendy said that maybe it is God's punishment to her. Artie asked if they were going to plug where they were going to be doing more improv. They had them until that comment.
Howard said that if it is real, he wants to have them on the show. George said that it sounds like the husband is kind of vindictive. Artie said there are better ways to punish your wife.
Howard had Randy Jones of the Village People on the phone. He talked about their hit song ''YMCA'' and Randy's new album. They went over some of that and talked about the history of the band. Howard asked Randy if he was straight. Randy said he's not. He said that some of the guys were straight. He said he doesn't know the exact numbers though.
Howard said that Randy was on the phone to sing a song to George. Randy has been with his gay partner for 25 years now and that's even longer than George has been with Brad.
Randy said that he has a medley of songs to sing for George today. He said he hopes that George is happy when he gets married and hopes that the rest of the country follows California's lead on this gay marriage thing. Howard cut him off and asked him to sing to George. Randy then broke into song and performed a couple of songs mixed together. George thanked him for that and said that he wished that Brad was there to hear it.
Howard asked Randy about his career and asked about how he got into the band. Randy told the story about how he was discovered in a night club when he was performing and asked him to be part of the band. Howard said the guy must have been a genius because he never would have thought something like that would work. He said it's amazing that they became as big as they did.
Randy said that he's the only one who still performs solo but they do get back together and do stuff with the band once in a while.
The guys talked about some of the gay stuff they had going on this morning and Artie seemed to be all disgusted by it.
Howard said that Gary didn't say that as far as he knows. He said that he may have been excited about Russo coming over but he wouldn't bad mouth Ferrall. The guys talked about how unique Ferrall is himself and how great it is to have him there.
Gary tried to call the show last night but they put him on hold. He couldn't stay up that late so he had to bail out. Howard said that he had to go to break after that. They played a new song parody that Dan the Song Parody Man put together using some George Takei audio clips. They went to break after that.
Howard told Scott he'd better win this. Scott said that he'll practice. He thinks that he can beat her, she's a girl. He said there aren't many girls who are good at video games.
The guys said that this game should be good for Howard TV.
Scott was talking about how tough it was to watch the gay porn clips they were going to play for George this morning. George said he doesn't understand why they have such a hard time watching it because he can watch straight porn and get turned on.
Scott said that it's just disgusting, that's why he doesn't like it. Howard said it's not anti-gay to say that, they just don't enjoy it. Howard said that they seem to overreact to that stuff. Howard said they were going to do more of the gay stuff but they just had enough. Howard finished up the commercial he was in the middle of when they started that conversation.
Howard said that he met Rhianna when she was like 16. He said that Jay-Z introduced her to him at a party one night. He said that Jay-Z introduced her saying ''that's my artist.'' Howard said he must know what he's doing because she's got a lot of hits.
Howard checked out the Top 5 songs and played a couple of the clips. Katy Perry was number 3 on the list. He said that he thinks that she's pretty cute from what he remembers. Robin said she wasn't sure about that. Howard told her that's because she's into cock.
Howard said that he was going to back Hillary if she had run. He said that there are a lot of people who don't like her and don't like him so he's not sure how it's going to go. Howard said that Bill was probably saying ''New pussy, here we come!''
Howard said that was pretty big news right there. Howard said that it shows to him that this guy is bright and doing the right thing. George agreed on that. Howard and the guys spent some time talking about the story and what they thought of it. Then Jason came in and said that he was spammed and it wasn't true. Jason said that he doesn't know who that was from but he did sign up on Barack's web site but this e-mail was faked.
Howard said that was a very interesting thing that played out there. Sal and Richard were the scammers according to Gary. Richard and Sal said that he's really high on Obama so they just figured he had signed up for that notification thing.
Howard said that Dominic doesn't know how to drive that boat and he causes all kinds of problems when he's out on it. He said that he and Artie have been on the boat and have seen him doing this stuff. Howard said that he's not sure why Dominic was in his underpants on the boat. He goofed on him and his mayday call.
Howard said that they should have just let him burn up out there. He played the audio of the call again and Dominic didn't let them answer him.
Howard continued to goof on Dominic and the way he drives that boat. He said that he's so fat that he can barely reach the controls of the boat. He did an impression of Dominic for a few minutes before Steve got back to his news preview.
Steve said that Harvey Leeds is going to meet with Andrew Liebowitz about his music career more than a decade after the Jesus Twins dissed him. They have some news about Bubba the Love Sponge's show being off the air yesterday because of a tropical storm down in Tampa. They're back today.
Howard had Jon Hein come in and give his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down his list of stuff that they'd be trying to cover.
Howard said that he demands a recount and said that they had to have set that up. He told Gary to take the two pictures and go out on the street and ask people who really wore it better. He said that Jones looked like she was 4 months pregnant in the picture.
Howard told Fred to come over and check it out and to be brutally honest with his answer. Fred went over and said that Katherine had triple chins and looked awful. He said she should be playing for the 49ers.
Artie said that publicists have a lot of power and that's the kind of stuff they do. Fred said he thought it was going to be close because Katherine has been really hot in the past. That wasn't the case this time.
Howard said that this is such bullshit. He said he's going to ask the news department to take those pictures out on the street to find out what people out there think. Fred said they have to be careful doing that because they may vote for someone they recognize like Jones.
Benjy said they have an online poll for Us Weekly and the votes there were showing that Beth was winning. Howard said that a publicist had to have set that up.
Howard had Steve the Intern come in to promote the Intern Show where they'll be doing the Inty awards tonight. Howard said that JD is upset about the whole thing because he has crushes on a lot of the interns. Steve said they have him nominated for 6 awards and they were pretty brutal. Howard said that kills JD when he hears that stuff.
Robin read a story about Christina Applegate's double mastectomy. Howard asked what they do about the nipples when they remove breasts. He also wondered what they do with the titty that they remove. Robin said that they send it to a lab to be analyzed.
Dominic Barbara called in and asked if they actually had the tape of his mayday call. Howard played it for him as soon as he asked about it. Howard asked Dominic if he can hear how annoying he is now. Dominic said that he can't play that tape because he was doing special operations for the government out there. He was kidding of course.
Robin got back to her news and played some audio of Christina Applegate talking about her new boobs that should still be cute when she's in her 90s. She also talked about the double mastectomy and how tough that decision was to make. Howard said he wants to know if she gets to keep her nipples. Robin said they could call a plastic surgeon and ask.
Artie said he jerked off to Christina Applegate when she was about 2 feet away from him. He said that they were working together on MAD TV and he thought she was so sexy that he had to beat off. He could hear her in the next room and it made it way more erotic for him. Howard said it must kill him that he can't have her. Artie said that she had a boyfriend at the time and he was kind of annoying and in acting school at the time. He said that the only thing between him and her was the door. He said that he was about a foot away from her. Then he had to go do this awful sketch with her.
A caller told Howard that his friend's wife had a double mastectomy and they tattooed on the nipples on the skin. They weren't able to keep the nipple because it would have been dead. Howard said they should attach a fake nipple made out of silicone or something.
Howard said he wishes that he could get a bigger cock tattooed on him. He said he was listening to their channels the other day and they had a couple that were about making bigger penises. He said that there was one where the guy said that women want girth and they could give it to guys.
Robin read a story about John Edwards telling the women he was dating that he was going to be with them after his wife died. Howard jokingly said that they had breaking news and Obama had just announced John Edwards was his running mate.
Robin read some news about Michael Phelps and how he hardly ever mentions his father when he's talking about his family. She also talked about him getting on the cover of Frosted Flakes and some other cereal. Howard said that some people are upset about that because they don't think their kids should eat that stuff. Howard said that parents should take some responsibility and not let their kids eat that stuff. Howard said if he were one of those Olympic athletes, he'd take any sponsorship deal he could get and he'd promote anything and everything. He said he wouldn't care what it was and he'd tell the parents to get lost if they don't like what he's promoting.
Howard said that Beth got a lot of offers to do cigarette ads but she always turned them down. Artie said that he would take any cigarette ad. He said he wouldn't mind promoting Viceroy cigarettes.
Howard had to take a break around 10:10am. After the break Howard came back and brought up a story about this guy from the Dave Matthews band who died after an ATV accident. He said that Larry King read a story about the guy and got his age wrong when he said he was 66 instead of 46 and said that he died after a ''a TV'' accident. Howard goofed on Larry a bit after that. Robin wasn't back in her booth so Fred played a toilet flushing sound. George got a laugh out of that.
Howard said that he had to go and cut some stuff for Howard TV. Robin came back and said that she was mixing a smoothie. She said that she thought he was still in commercial. Howard told her he needs to get out of there and asked her to finish up.
Robin said that Lindsay Lohan wants to meet Michael Phelps. Howard said he thought she was gay now. Robin said she doesn't know. She read a story about a woman who killed her boyfriend and left him in a bath tub for a few days.
Robin had a story about a Florida DJ that was attacked and left without his sight. The attacker cut his eyes out. The guy survived the attack but lost his eye sight. Robin asked Howard how smart he thinks animals are. Howard said that he thinks they're very smart. Robin read a story about how some birds recognize themselves in mirrors which shows they are intelligent. Howard said he's going to replace Fred with a parrot.
Robin said there's some controversy about some of the Olympians pulling their eyes slanted in photographs. Artie found that to be kind of funny. Robin said that the Argentinean soccer team has been photographed doing that. Some Spanish basketball players did the same about a week before. Robin read some news about the medals that the U.S. has collected so far.
Robin read a story about a woman who left her kids in a hot car while she was in a casino gambling. She had some news about the Presidential race and how the polls are showing McCain has a 5 percent lead over Obama.
Howard drew a picture of Gary during the news and showed it to everyone who laughed at it. Fred rally liked it because he and Howard used to paint pictures of Gary after the show every day. Howard said he's kind of getting back into that.
Robin read a story about a baby whale that was abandoned by it's mother. Artie said that he knew the jokes were coming and tried to cut them off. Howard told him that he's a baby gorilla, not a baby whale.
Robin read some news about Gary Glitter. Then George Takei showed the guys the picture of Gary that he had just drawn. Gary said that his forehead isn't that big. Howard asked Gary if he saw his picture. Gary asked them to please not bring that back. He said that Howard, Fred and Jackie used to hang the pictures on a wall and they covered the wall from floor to ceiling. He said that's all he'd see when he went into meetings with Howard.
Artie drew a picture of Gary too and said that he knows that Gary is tortured over this stuff. The guys got a laugh out of that.
Robin had some more news about Christina Applegate and the new movie, The Rocker, she's in. She had some audio of her talking about that. Artie said that he was actually asked to be in that movie that she's in. He said that he talked to the director and he wanted him to be the driver of the bus for this rock band. He said they wanted him to improv his lines and he didn't want to do that. That's like asking him to write the script.
Howard cut off the clips of Christina talking and said that he didn't care to hear more from her today. Robin had some clips of Rainn Wilson talking about it too but Howard didn't want to hear it.
Robin had some clips of the director of the Star Wars the Clone Wars movie talking about the movie. Howard did his Gammorean Guard impression while that was playing. He goofed on that guy for a few minutes and pretended that he was cumming in his pants hearing all of this Star Wars stuff.
Robin said that they put up a statue of The Fonz in Milwaukee and Henry Winkler was there to see it. She played some clips of him talking about the great town. Howard said that he sounds like the complete opposite of the Fonz in that clip. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:40am.
Jon moved on to talk about the great George Takei and his gay bachelor party. He said that they get accused of being too gay sometimes but today was the gayest one so far. Gary said it was gay right from 6am to 8:15. Gary aid that everything but the commercials were gay.
Jon talked about some of the stuff they had planned that didn't happen. Gary said that they were going to do two other things which were Gay Twister and Guess What's In My Ass. Gary said that Richard told him to come back to see something and when he went down there, Richard was pulling his pants down. He asked if it was going to be gay and Shuli said it was so he walked out.
Gary said that Sal and Richard are the ones who pitched the ''Guess What's In My Ass'' game and they had no idea what to put in their asses today.
Gary said he always thought of George as gay but after today he thinks of him as ''creepy gay.'' He said that he was touching Jonah Falcon and that was kind of wrong. Jon asked if George's best day is Artie's worst day on the show. Gary said that the Howard TV guys have a shot of Artie during that gay porn segment and Artie looks disgusted while George looks all happy.
Jon played a clip from when they were playing those clips and Artie said that he really wasn't getting into it.
Benjy came in so Jon asked him if Artie was really that upset. Benjy said he thinks he was sincerely disgusted. Benjy said that he thinks Jon's penis could have won that prettiest penis contest. He said he's seen Jon when he's peed next to him. Jon said ''Thank you... I think.''
Richard talked about the gay porn clips that they watched and how funny he thought that guy licking balls was. Jon asked JD if Richard gets excited by that gay porn stuff he watches. JD said that Richard has been hounding him about that gay porn stuff because he has a big box of that crap in his office. He said that he doesn't watch it but he does use it for rainy day gay clip thing. JD said that Richard doesn't get off on that stuff in a sexual way from what he can tell.
Richard said that neither of them get off on this gay porn stuff. They find it hilarious when a guy puts his penis in another guy's butthole. Jon said that George seemed to be very much into it while he was watching it. Richard said that they were watching George during the show and he kept looking at the cover of the gay porn video they gave him. Gary said that he might be 71 but he does seem like he's still a horny guy.
Richard said that he had another idea to do a ''fortune pouch'' thing with Sal's penis pouch. They were going to put fortunes in his cock and have George pull them out.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think that George is going to get in trouble for making out with that guy today. Jon said that they don't know what George and Brad's understanding is. He also said that George may not know that they repeat the show and put it on TV.
The guys talked about how caught up in the moment George seemed to get with Jonah Falcon. Benjy said that he doesn't think that it'll come back to haunt him. Gary said that Brad was upset with George when he felt Sal's penis a few months back so that would lead him to believe that he might get upset about this stuff.
JD said that George was caught up in the moment and he doesn't think he closed his eyes for a while during that segment.
Benjy said that they've never gone that far with a girl in the studio before like George did with Jonah. Benjy said that the worst they ever did was use vibrators on a stick on a girl. Gary said that Benjy was the creepiest with that and tried to fuck the girl with his vibrator on a stick.
A caller asked how they got Jonah Falcon on the show after all of the goofing they've been doing. Gary said that he called Jonah and told him what they wanted and as soon as he heard that George was going to be there, he said he'd come.
Richard said that Jonah was wearing short-shorts and had his penis tucked around something in his pants. He pulled that thing out and it was like a monster being pulled out of there. Gary said that some guys adjust themselves and just stick their hands in the front of his pants. Jonah had to put both hands in and it went to his hip.
Jon played a clip from the show where George went over to check out Jonah's penis. Gary said that George was the aggressor there and they never do that with chicks on the show. He said that Howard would get upset if they did that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that George wanted that thing in his mouth so bad. He asked if Richard and Sal wanted to cop a feel on that. Richard said that he didn't want to feel that at all. He said he knows what a cock feels like.
Jon asked Richard if he wanted to let Jonah know who he was and what they've done to them on his TV show. Richard said they were thinking about bringing that up but they wanted to go easy on him today. Gary said that they didn't make him any promises today so they could have done that.
Sal came in and said he loves that guy on the phone. He also said that he and Gary had a theory on George today and talked about how they think that since he hasn't been to bachelor parties before, he doesn't know how to behave. He said that someone should have pulled him aside and let him know how he should behave. Richard said that he's so comfortable there that it seems like he forgets he's on the radio.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if George got excited when he was touching that cock. Gary said he doesn't think that anyone was looking for that at the time because they were shocked at what he was doing.
The caller also said that Gary was wrong for turning Sal in last week. Gary said that he thinks he did the right thing and if they don't like it, they can go fuck themselves. Sal said that he's not that upset with Gary doing what he did. He said that Gary didn't really bring him in there to save his ass, he just found him to be completely nuts and he wanted to expose him. Gary said that was part of it.
Sal said that he's the idiot who brought it up and now he's not going to the wedding so he has to take the blame for it. Another caller said that Gary seems to be so happy and obsessed that Sal isn't going to the wedding. He asked why he has such a hard on for Sal. Gary said he doesn't get why he thinks he's obsessed with it. The caller said that it just seems like he has a hard on for Sal. Gary said that he and Sal fuck with each other all the time.
Gary said that he's not happy that Sal isn't going to the wedding. Sal said that he can see Gary goofing on an empty chair being his chair and stuff but he's not that upset about it. Gary asked if they think he was on some kind of campaign to make sure Sal didn't go. Jon said that he thinks Gary wanted Sal to go but he would be thinking about what Sal might do there.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that there was too much gay stuff going on today. Gary said that they had all seen that by 8:05 this morning. Sal said that he didn't want to do naked Twister today and didn't want to keep doing the gay stuff. He thinks that enough is enough. Sal said that he was going to go through with it but he really didn't want to.
Sal had some theories on the naked Twister thing. He said that he thinks that they should have had some hot chicks in there to repulse George. He said that he knows that two naked guys playing Twister would have been funny though.
Richard was wondering if Sal was worried about his body looking bad and that's why he didn't go up there. Sal said that wasn't it. He was also talking about the Captain Sack character he does and how he wore the costume so some day his kids won't know it's him. The guys found that to be pretty funny.
Richard said that he went and worked out a lot yesterday trying to get pumped up for the naked Twister. He said he's been working out for a while now but he worked out extra hard yesterday.
Sal said that they did a test run for ''Guess What's In My Ass'' in their office and that was going to be funny too. They tested out some items to put in there. Sal said that the naked Twister would have been too graphic and disturbing in his opinion.
Sal talked about doing a stunt on the show one time where he was going to stick his cock in some guy's eye socket. He was going to do it but he thinks that they pulled it out before they could get to it.
A caller brought up the Scott Ferrall thing and asked Gary why he would do that to Ferrall. He said that they should realize what they have there. Jon explained what was going on with that. Gary said that he's one of Ferrall's biggest fans and he's not sure how his comments got twisted around the way they did on Scott's show last night.
The caller said that he has been listening to Scott since he was a kid and he's always loved the show the way it was. He said that Scott knows his show. Gary said that no one is saying that he's not doing a great job there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that what they did today wasn't ''too gay'' and the people calling in are just homophobes. He said that he's straight himself and he didn't think it was too much.
Gary said that will was pretty shaken today by how much was going on. Gary said that all of the penis contest guys were acting weird and it was just too much for Will and for Howard. They had to go to break a short time later.
Benjy said that George should have been judging the contest based on the look of the penis alone. He thought that the 78 year old's penis was one of the better looking ones and he would have given him his vote.
Richard said that he didn't know that Jonah was uncircumcised until today. Gary said he didn't see that much of it so he didn't realize that.
Jon had Teddy play a clip from the penis contest when they all came walking in. It was like a parade of naked guys walking in according to Jon.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she thinks that Brad is going to be so pissed that they won't get married. Gary said that he thinks that they've been together long enough that they won't call off the wedding. Jon said that maybe Brad will look past that and say that what ever he did today he did and that's that.
The guys were wondering if George gave Brad the green light to do whatever he wants since he was going to be doing this stuff today. The guys didn't think that Brad wanted that though.
Sal said that he did some research for the other people that were there. He ended up crossing out some jokes and wrote some new stuff. He said that he was 9th in line to roast him so it was pretty rough waiting to get up there. He was hoping that they didn't use his punch lines the whole time.
Sal said that Geno Bisconte was pretty edgy at the roast but he doesn't think that anyone really crossed the line. Sal said that Gilbert Gottfried is like the Beetlejuice of the roasts. He said that his material isn't that great, he just tells jokes and it's his look and demeanor that makes people laugh.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he saw Sal last night and he was great. Jon took some more calls after that and one guy said that he thought that Howard's level of enthusiasm was kind of scary when the guys were dropping their pants today. He also said that he thinks that Gary has a bit of animosity toward people he thinks are coming up in the ranks too fast. Sal said he disagrees with that and said that he was thanking Gary for being so supportive of him with these roasts.
Sal and Richard talked about the text message they sent to Jason about the Obama announcement and what they had to go through to get it. Richard said he knew that Jason was going to be signed up for those text messages. He fell for it hook line and sinker.
Jason came in and said that he never would have thought that those guys would know how to do something like that. He said that he wasn't 100 percent sure if it was a legit message or not and he warned Gary that he wasn't sure. Gary said he had no clue that Sal and Richard would do something like that. Richard said that he was standing behind Jason when he got the message and he went ''Wow!'' when he got it.
Jon asked Jason when he figured out that he was wrong. Jason said his cell phone went off again and he saw that he had been spammed. Gary said that they should have come to him first because they're risking pissing off Howard if they scam him. Gary said that he could have told Howard and they could have fucked with Jason even more than they did. Shuli said he has audio of Jason getting the text and they'll have that on Howard 100 News at Noon today.
A caller said that he had some questions about Eric the Midget and about what Sal did with the wedding. He said that they sound like the best written scripts ever. The caller said that Eric sounds like he's being told what to do and to drag out what he does on the phone. The guy said that they're either the best actors or they have the best writers.
Sal said that he's not acting or writing this stuff. He said that he's not sure about Eric though. Benjy said that he doesn't buy the whole thing with Eric and Johnny and it might just be promotion for the event they have going on in Vegas.
Gary said that he got some notes from Jason about Eric being a jackass in the e-mails that he was going back and forth with for this Erotic Exotic Ball thing. Gary said that Eric just treats people really poorly when they ask him to do stuff. Richard said he'll take that gig if Eric doesn't want it.
Another caller asked why they don't do a roast on Howard or Robin. Gary said that they're going to save the Howard Roast for something really special. He said that one is going to be really special. Gary said that they did a bunch of roasts and they just want it to feel right. He said that the Robin roast is starting to feel right now that she's broken up with Jim Florentine.
Another caller asked what Scott DePace is going to do if he loses to that chick in the Halo contest. Gary said that it seems like Scott isn't willing to do anything if he loses so they'll have to figure that out.
Jon took another call from a guy who told Sal how great he was in the roast. Sal thanked him for that. Jon asked Sal if he's ever had this much positive feedback about something like that. Sal said that he's not used to it.
Sal said that he gets kind of shaky after the show and he has to take some Xanax afterward. He said that it drives him crazy when he shakes like that.
Gary said that Sal was shaking like crazy the day he had to wash his feet. Sal said that he doesn't even know that he's doing that. Gary told him that he should go to the doctor and find out what's wrong with him. Sal said that's what he did and the guy gave him Xanax.
Jon brought up Randy Jones singing to George Takei today. They spent a short time on that subject. Richard said that Randy hangs around there at SIRIUS all the time and he's a super nice guy.
A caller asked Sal if he knows what the definition of heresy was. Sal gave his definition on it and was kind of close but not close enough. Gary and Benjy told him what it really meant. Sal gave his explanation again and got a little closer.
Another caller asked how today's bachelor party rates compared to other ones they've had. The guy also asked if they can put the show description on Howard 101 on the replays. Gary said they're working on that. They got into the bachelor party discussions and Gary said that the Stephen Baldwin bachelor party was one of the craziest they've ever done. They also talked about the time that Ralph made out with someone who may or may not have been a transvestite. Ralph swears it was a chick.
A caller said that the audience all knows what goes on at a bachelor party and they don't have to explain it to them. Gary said that George is different though and he's never been to a bachelor party before. The guy said that he thinks it's funny that George was able to do what he did in front of them today. Gary said that George has gotten very comfortable in front of them over the years. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show saying that he handed in his homework for Artie's book. He changed one line in the foreword for the book. Artie said that the told the book people not to change a word. Howard said he changed just the one thing that was a technical thing. He said that he referenced the outfits he's wearing and he had to make it make more sense. Howard said it's weird to see something in a book when it's mocked up like that.
Artie said that his book has pre-sold 4,000 books already and that's going to be a guaranteed best seller in the NY Times already. Howard said that sometimes it doesn't take all that many books to get on that best seller list. It depends on who your competition is.
Howard said that his book was on that list when it first came out but then it would drop off after that. He said his book was up there for a couple of weeks but then it dropped off. He said if you can spread that out a little longer it would stay on that list.
Howard said that the bachelor always gets in trouble when he has a bachelor party. George said that he thought he was safe on the radio. He also said that he is not to talk about Brad's reaction to what happened. He wasn't saying a word.
George said that the e-mails started coming to Brad and that's what got to him. George said that Howard Stern fans are e-mailing Brad. He said they can get his e-mail pretty easy since it's just Brad@GeorgeTakei.com. Then he said ''Oops!'' and realized he shouldn't have given it out.
Artie said that the guy that George was touching and making out with wasn't even a good looking guy. He said he was kind of creepy. Howard said that was George's Monica Lewinsky.
Howard asked George if he was attracted to that guy Jonah. George said that he wasn't at first but he found him kind of interesting when he started to talk. Artie said that the guy was just a weirdo. He said he thought he smelled bad with body odor.
Howard asked George what Brad was more upset about. George just laughed. He said that they did have dinner together last night. He said that Bread told him that he's only known one penis for the past 20 some years. Artie said that so has he.
Howard asked George if Brad would come in there and touch Jonah's penis. George said that Brad is smarter than he so that would not happen. Howard said that George is obviously the man in the relationship because that's the kind of mistake guys make.
George said that he had the same kind of reaction to that man that the guys in the studio have to women with big breasts.
Howard said that Beth told him that she thought they were in trouble and that they probably won't get married now. George said that they're going to go through with it no matter what. He said that Brad does love him but he can't say what his reaction was. He said he may not even be able to do this show if he has to stay silent about this stuff.
Howard asked George if he tried to make up to Brad. George said that he had to explain that some of the e-mails were blown out of proportion so he had to correct them for Brad. He said that people were telling Brad that he had nuzzled Jonah's penis.
Howard said that part of the problem might be that George isn't getting enough sex. George said that could be part of it and asked if Brad was listening. Howard said that having sex just once a week might not be enough for him. IF he was getting it more he might be less inclined to touch strange men's penises. Howard said that Brad can't imagine this relationship having sex just once a week. George said that's why he has the shower (where he masturbates).
Artie said that George is no different than him if he's doing stuff like that. He said the only difference is that he has those show tunes in his life.
Howard asked George how often he would like to have sex. George said that he can go without it for a week but he's very spontaneous. He said he could go 3 or 4 times a week at times though. Howard said that maybe it's time to end it. George asked Howard what he's trying to do to him. He said that it was the pre-nuptial agreement first and now he's trying to talk him into ending it.
Howard said that George is walking around like a big ball of frustration. George said that he's really not though. Howard said he is and then played a clip from the show yesterday where George whispered ''Actually, I like to touch.'' Artie said that's what he thinks Jon Benet Ramsey heard last.
Howard said that George is trying to make everything good and he's letting some of this stuff pass. He said that George is agreeing not to have sex with anyone else in his life and he shouldn't have to beat off in a shower.
Howard said he doesn't beat off all that often and if he does end up doing that more often, he's going to tell Beth that they have to just end it.
Howard said that George should have a ''spontaneous day'' where they will have sex. He said that they will have the regular days like Sunday and Wednesday and then one more that would be spontaneous. Howard said that Brad could be the one to initiate it too. He thinks that George would be a happy man if he had 3 days a week where he had sex. George seemed to like that idea.
George said that he was getting a lot out of this week being there. He said that he's gotten Wednesday and now maybe a spontaneous day.
Artie said that Howard was trying to ruin another person's life. Howard said that Brad and George are almost like brothers at this point. George said ''Oh no. I never did that with my brother!''
Artie asked George about his relationship with his brother and sister. George said that he and his brother don't have a relationship and he doesn't speak to him but he can't get into too much detail about that. He said that his nephew talks to him even though his father doesn't. George didn't want to talk about him so they dropped the subject. Artie said it's great that his son is able to talk to him and has a mind of his own. Howard said that he must have a real backward view on the homosexual thing. George said that his nephew is fantastic and he has a great relationship with him.
Howard told George that he should have gone home to Brad and told him that he made him go out and touch another man's penis because of the lack of sex. Howard told him that he should have gone home and wrestled with him. George kind of hinted that they did do that. He was gesturing that he did but wasn't talking about it.
Howard asked George if he and Brad had sex. George wasn't saying but he was laughing as if he did. He said he just can't talk about it.
George said that Brad may or may not be listening but he thinks that he probably is. Howard asked what kind of words they had. Brad said that they had a very serious discussion. Howard wondered how they got into the wrestling. George said that the conversation was all afternoon long and realized he wasn't supposed to be talking about this.
Howard tried to figure out how the wrestling thing happens. George wasn't saying much but he did say that they start with clothes on but they end up taking them off. Then he said ''I'm not supposed to be talking about this!'' and laughed.
Howard said that George must have ripped Brad's clothes off and then Brad disrobed him. George said that Howard is a very presumptuous guy.
Howard asked George if he just grabs the other guy's cock when he's wrestling. George said that they are naked by that point so things do happen. They know what to do after that point. Artie said that it sounds like George raped Brad.
George said that this was all going on in their hotel room. Artie was saying that he could get beat up for just being this close to George if he were in Jersey.
Howard said he had Brad on the phone but it was someone playing audio of a guy wrestling and yelling out. George said that Brad would never call in.
Artie said that his girlfriend Dana would get reports from her friends who told her the details of what he was doing on the show. Howard said that those people are very evil and are trying to ruin relationships. George said that there's so much technology out there that they can get messages to people in many ways.
Howard said that George had to go home and deal with something that many other people have to deal with. He said that maybe it will make the relationship even better. George said that Howard has given him another bargaining point.
The guys talked about what George saw with Jonah's cock yesterday. It wasn't circumcised so George talked about how he likes that better than circumcised. George said that he's just a healthy man. Artie said that Jonah looked like Mark David Chapman to him. George said there was a bit of a resemblance to him.
Howard said it was great to have George there on the show this week. George said he was having a good time being there. They played the song parody that Dan the Song Parody Man created about George. George said that song needs a Fred Astaire dance to go along with it. Robin was picturing George dancing with Dan the Song Parody Man.
Howard read some e-mail about Dominic Barbara's mayday call to the Coast Guard and how funny that was. Howard said that Dominic called him yesterday and said that in honor of his marriage he wanted to take him out on a cruise on his boat. Robin thought he was going to get rid of the boat. Howard said he hates boats and he doesn't like being around Dominic so he won't be going on that trip.
Howard played Dominic's mayday distress call to the Coast Guard where he was yelling about being on fire and not letting the Coast Guard answer him. They talked about the voice in the background where they can hear the guy at the Coast Guard telling Dominic to get the fuck off the radio so they can answer him.
Artie said that he got a call from Robin's captain who said he wants to meet him at his dock so he can bring over all of the stuff for his party. Artie said that the guy is going to be helping him fix his boat lifts and stuff and saving him thousands. Howard said that Robin has a purpose now that she has this stuff to bring to the party. Robin said that the guy is a great guy and he maintains all of her stuff.
Artie said that this guy is going to fix his wave runner lift that could have cost him $40,000 to fix. He said that the dock and the lifts were there before the house was built. He said he might get that one fixed if this Dennis guy can do it.
Artie asked Howard what his chances of coming to the party are. Howard said the chances of that are ''zero point zero.''
Howard had Eric on the phone and asked him what's going on with him and Johnny. Eric said that he and Johnny patched things up and he's agreed to go. Robin said that he had to patch it up because his life was about to be over.
Howard said that this Brandy Talore was the problem yesterday and Eric was going to back out of doing this thing for Johnny Fratto because of her. He said that Eric is like 2 feet tall and worried about this porn star. Eric told him to shut up, he's not 2 feet tall. Eric told Howard that he's 3'6'' tall. Howard said he's glad that Eric and Johnny patched things up.
Eric said that he's going to be out in Vegas on the 30th and the 31st. He said you can see the details at StrippersAndHustlersBall.com. He said he's going to be judging a contest there.
Robin said that Eric was on fire yesterday when Johnny got off the phone. He told Howard to get him back and refused to get off the phone. Howard let Eric go a short time later. Fred threw in the ''shut up!'' clip that he's been playing the past couple of days. Artie said that's his new favorite clip.
Howard said that Gary won the ''Thinks he's funny but he's not'' award. They had his acceptance speech to play on the show. Sal won the ''Biggest Flirt'' award. He also won the ''Biggest Creep'' award. Howard played a clip of one of the interns talking about how Sal calls one of them ''Lisa-pie'' and stays in the hall far too long with them. Then they played his acceptance speech and said that he had refused to accent ''Biggest Creep'' but this speech showed why he won that ''Biggest Creep.'' Sal was kind of creepy in that clip and basically saying that now that they're not interns, they can pork. Howard said that Sal really is a creep.
Bobo asked Artie what's going on with Dana. Artie aid that he dated her for four and a half years and she's part of the show. He said that she did call him when he was going through his drug thing. He said that their friendship isn't over and they still talk.
Howard said he thinks that Dana is jealous of other women that he's with. Artie said he feels the same way about her. Howard said that he can tell by her actions that she doesn't want him with other women. She ends up at his house after she finds out about that stuff.
Artie said that Dana doesn't want him to have any fun and they're not having sex, so it's just like she's his wife.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked who would replace Fred if he left the show. Howard said that Sal will replace him. He's been grooming him for that job. Fred said that he's very healthy so Sal won't be getting his job.
The caller asked who would replace Robin. Howard said that both Fred and Robin are irreplaceable. He said that this thing that Robin is into, being in the water, and not being able to swim, could just take her out. Howard said that she could solve her problem if she just learned how to swim. He said that she's doing these death defying feats every time she goes out on her boat or on her wave runner. Howard asked her if she knows what it's going to be like to drown. Robin said that she's out there jumping waves on that wave runner.
The caller asked Howard when he's going to have a ''regular fan'' show on his channel. Howard said that they have that every day when he takes phone calls. He told the guy not to be dopey like that, he's not going to put up with it.
Gary asked Robin what happened to her swimming lessons. Robin said that she gave up on those. Howard said that anyone who doesn't teach their kids to swim is basically abusing their child. Mike Gange is one of those kids that never learned how to swim. Howard said that he's too lazy to get swimming lessons. Gange said he got some lessons at Artie's house in the pool. He said that Scott DePace was trying to teach him there.
Robin said that she can swim in a pool. She said she took enough lessons that she can do that. Robin said she can't tread water very long. Howard said that he wants to have a test to see how well she can do.
Robin said that her trainer can swim and he can teach her to do that. Howard asked if that guy is ''Mr. Talkative'' that he's met. Robin laughed and said that he has talked to him. Howard said that he doesn't have much to say.
Gange said that he can't float on his back but he has tried. He said that one of his brothers can swim but he learned on his own. Gange said that there were no pools in Queens so that's why he didn't learn to swim. He said it wasn't a priority in his family's life. Howard said that his parents should have gotten him swimming lessons anyway, even if they don't know how to swim.
Howard said that JD can't swim very well either. The Howard TV guys played a clip of him going down a water slide and having some trouble at the end when he hit the deep water. Mike Gange said that he loves water and begin at the beach or a pool. He said his body just can't do those motions that he has to do. He said he's 38 years old and he just can't do it.
Robin said that she does snorkeling and stuff like that. Howard said that she can't swim though. He told Gange to go out and learn. Gange said that he will try to learn. Gange will be at Robin's party at Artie's house so they'll both be able to swim there.
Robin said that she drowned when she was about 5 years old. She said that she ended up on the beach and she has no idea how that happened. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard played the other finalists in the contest. They ended up playing the Booey Joel song again because Howard liked the real Billy Joel song, ''Scenes From an Italian Restaurant'' that part of it was based on. They talked about how great some of Billy Joel's songs were and how they're lacking great songs like that these days. Robin joked that they have songs like ''I Kissed a Girl'' out now. Howard said that they have Katy Perry there in the green room ready to perform that song for them.
Howard listened to ''Scenes From an Italian Restaurant'' for a short time and then said that Katy Perry wasn't supposed to be on until 8:30 but she was there already. He said she looks kind of hot on her web site.
Howard said that they had this chick Phoenix coming in today but she's running late so he told Gary to just send her away if she shows up. He said that she was just arrested for being topless on a beach and she's trying to show that it's not right that guys are allowed to show their tits and she's not.
Howard said that Kendra used to come on the show a lot in the past. She actually ended up under his console one time.
Howard said that Lukas won the Rock Star Supernova show. He talked to him about that for a short time. They talked about the judges of that show and how that all worked out for Lukas. Howard said that Lukas was on the show singing and he thought that the judges should have been playing for him. He said that Lukas really worked his ass off for that competition.
Lukas grew up in Toronto and worked in a Hooters. Howard said that he heard about this competition and went to audition for it. Lukas said that he turned it down the first time but then his publishing company told him to try it out. He went for it and won.
Lukas said that things kind of worked out for him because he met his wife and he also got a lot of work out of it. He said the band was kind of cheesy though.
Artie said that he has comedian friends who are afraid to do reality shows like Last Comic Standing but sometimes it can help if they are a hit. Artie said that he just lucked out getting this gig he has.
Howard asked Lukas what it was like after the show was over and he had to go into this band. Lukas said that he wrote half of the record that they were going to make. He said that he wanted to put his stamp on it a little bit.
Howard said that he heard the first song that they played on that show and it was like ''Holy shit!'' he thought it was awful.
Lukas said that he had a lot of women after getting that gig. He said that he used to have to kind of work for it but then the women were just throwing pussy at him. Kendra said that she heard a story about him meeting a woman in one city and tying her up to a bed in a hotel room and leaving her there when he went to the next city.
Artie said that he's never had to duck to miss pussy. He doesn't have women throwing that at him. Howard asked Lukas about what it was like back then when he was in the band. He said that they had a lot of hoes that were trying to get them. They'd have their security guys go out with Supernova stickers and stick them on the chick's breasts.
Howard asked Lukas why he stopped the party with Kendra. He said that she's got quite a reputation. Howard talked about the time that she set up Jerry Springer with her mother. They talked a little bit about that. Kendra said that she didn't even get any money for that. She said that it was a long story and she was misled into doing it.
Howard asked Lukas if he has a problem with being married to a former porn star. Lukas said that at least she got paid for what she was doing. He said that he's had sex with a lot of chicks and never got paid. Howard asked Kendra if she swallowed Springers's load. She said that she didn't and she thinks he just finished on his hand or something.
Howard asked Kendra about Lukas' cock and if it's big. Kendra said it's massive and bigger than Tommy Lee's. Lukas said that it is pretty big.
Howard asked Lukas how he met Kendra. Kendra said that she was friends with Tommy and Dave (Navarro) and she was a fan of the show so she met him through them. Howard asked Kendra if she fucked Tommy Lee. She wasn't saying. She told Howard that she has never had sex with him. Artie told her to save time they could just name the guys she hasn't had sex with.
Lukas said that Kendra gives him gifts sometimes and had a woman giving him hand relief one time when they were out on tour. Kendra said that she gets kind of jealous of other women so she's not all that into having him have sex with other women.
Howard asked Kendra if she's over her obsession with Mike Gange. They had Gange come in a short time later. Howard told Gange not to let Kendra get away. Mike said that she looks really good today. He said that it was like a one time thing with her, or a couple time thing. He said she's really a good girl. Artie said that Gange puts his stamp on a girl and he gets very angry if anyone else tries to go for them.
Howard pointed out how fat Gange was and then told him to get out of there because Lukas was getting jealous. Howard said that this is kind of a happy ending for Kendra because he wasn't sure what was going to happen to her. Kendra said that she was lost in life and had no direction. She said that getting married really saved her life.
Howard asked Lukas if he's making some money out of this Supernova thing. He said that he is getting some good money now to perform gigs and stuff. He said that he couldn't get that kind of deal before the show.
Howard told Kendra she should be doing porn now because she looks amazing. Howard gave them some plugs and said that Lukas is going to be doing some appearances and you can find out more about that at LukasRossiOnline.com. Kendra is going to be at Al's Diamond Cafe in Pennsylvania in September and you can check her out at KendraJadeOnline.com
Kendra told Howard about how she met Lukas and how he had banged both her and her friend. Her friend eventually left that picture and Lukas never left.
Howard said that he liked the chick that was the runner up in that show that Lukas was on. Lukas said that nothing much happened with anyone on that show. Howard said that they had some very talented people on that show.
The guys talked about how Kendra once came in and did some crazy stuff to meet The Rock. She's always wanted to fuck famous guys according to Howard. Artie told her that will happen some day.
Ralph called in and said that Lukas sounds like kind of a douche bag. He said that he's bad mouthing the whole experience and he's gotten a lot of notice out of it. Howard said that it was a dumb show and he didn't think he was bad mouthing it. Ralph said that's not how it was coming off to him. Howard told Ralph to go back to sleep.
Kendra said it was tough for Lukas at the end of that show because everything just ended after the show was over. Lukas said he went out on the road and showed people what he can really do after the show was done.
Howard told Lukas what the guy Ralph was doing as they were talking. He said that he's got Star Wars figures and an Iron Man standee in his living room and he's doing nothing. Howard wrapped up with them a short time later and went to break.
Howard said that there's a picture of Jennifer Aniston in the paper every day. He said that he feels bad for that chick because she was with Brad Pitt for a while and now she's dating comedians and scrubs. They spent a couple of minute talking about the people she's dated and how they've tried to keep some of the relationships secret. They talked about the Vince Vaughn thing and how they were denying that they were dating.
Howard said that he would fuck her hard and tell her to go out and tell everyone about it. He'd change her up if he was dating her.
Howard said that George talked about Jennifer Aniston one time. He played one of the edited bits that Richard created using George's audio book. He had George saying that Jennifer was a cunt and some other stuff like that.
Howard had George do an announce for them. George read his script about failed marriages and how he hopes that Brad will get a toaster and a kick in the ass if he leaves him.
Artie talked about working with Hal Holbrook and Ed Asner one time and he heard Asner call Gwyneth Paltrow a ''fucking cunt.'' He was dead serious according to Artie.
Howard said that they went up to Mark Spitz recently and asked him about this Michael Phelps guy. Howard said that he really doesn't care about swimmers and doesn't want to make that guy's name a household name. they ended up talking about how Phelps eats 12,000 calories a day and stuff like that.
Howard said that they asked Mark Spitz about Phelps and he was saying that he thinks he could tie him if he raced him. Howard said that all Spitz has these days is his gold medals, without those he's just a dentist.
Mike said that they can save the nipple but she won't have the sensation that she used to have. He said that she wouldn't be able to get off by him sucking on her nipples like she used to. Now she has no nipples. Artie asked ''Who cares about her?'' when he brought up the nipple thing.
Mike said that his wife is in the process of getting reconstruction surgery done. She wants to go for a C-cup and they're going to inflate the breasts to a D-cup and then give her a little extra skin and bunch it together to form a nipple. Then they'll tattoo the areola on there to make it look like a nipple. Howard said that's genius.
Howard asked what they do with the titties when they cut them off. Mike said that they just throw it away because it's just fatty tissue. Howard said it sounds like they had a good ending because he was saying they had a baby boy after she went through the chemotherapy and stuff. The guy said that she has cancer again though so things aren't really that great.
The guy said that she has bone cancer that spread from her breasts to her bones. Mike said that his wife was coming into the room so he ended up putting her on the phone. Howard told her that she's got a good man there because a lot of guys would run out on their wives if they had to go through that stuff.
The wife was saying that her husband still banged her when she had no breasts and even when she was going through Chemo. Howard said that none of the guys in the studio would have done that.
Artie asked her if she needed any financial help. She said that she always does. She said that she has insurance and a job but they told her that she had a certain amount of time to get over the cancer before they'll fire her. She said that they gave her 3 months and told her they'd let her go if she wasn't better.
Howard said that he wanted to give her $500. She started to cry when she heard that. She said she couldn't help it, she has no hormones.
The woman was saying that when she had the chemotherapy done she lost her cooch hair and she had no idea that was going to happen. Howard said that's a good thing. Artie said that he's losing his cooch hair too.
Howard asked the woman if she was as dark as Wesley Snipes. She said that she's not that dark, that's like Midnight black. Artie told her that if she needs money she can do a stand-up gig for them and give them the money from that.
The woman said that was very nice of Artie to offer that. She said that he could keep some of that money for snacks. Howard also gave her the $500 which was courtesy of ManGroomer.com.
Howard asked the woman what her chances of survival are with the bone cancer. She said that they're not saying that she'll die tomorrow. She said that there are people who can survive for 20 years so she's hoping that's what happens. Howard said that she was dealt a bad hand of cards with the genetics. She said that she got a great man though.
Mike got back on the phone and thanked them for everything. He said that the show has helped him get through the hard days. He said that he listens to all 6 hours of the show every day. He said that they live down in Washington DC. Howard told him that all men should look up to him because he seems like a fantastic man. He put him on hold so they could set him up with his money.
George said that Artie's heart is as big as his physique. Artie said that it was all for publicity because he has a book to sell. He said that he's supposed to be doing a show down in DC soon so he hopes that they come out to see him. George said that he'd try to make it to the show if Artie does a benefit show for them. Howard had to go to break after that.
Katy said that people ask her if she's sisters with Kate Hudson and she asks them why her parents would name their daughters the exact same name.
Howard said that he found out that Katy's parents were traveling ministers and they've rejected her because of this song. Katy said that's just a rumor that's not true. Howard read a quote from her mother where she talked about how shocking the song was and how she can't even listen to it. Katy said that her mother never said what Howard just read to her.
Katy said that her mother wouldn't sing a song like ''I Kissed a Girl'' but she never said what they claim she did. Howard asked her how she came up with the idea for the song. She said that she has kissed a girl but hasn't had sex with a girl.
Howard asked Katy when she lost her virginity. She said that it was at 17 on a construction site in Tennessee. She said she never really thought about messing around with girls for other people's entertainment. She said that they use this song now in bars to try and get girls to make out with other girls.
Howard asked Katy about her music background and found out she's been playing since she was 13. She used to sing ''Oh Happy Day'' like it was her job every day.
Howard asked Katy about kissing this girl. Katy said that the girl was really hot. She said that the song wasn't inspired by just one girl. She said that the hot chick she met through a friend. Katy said that she was obsessed with a girl when she was like 14 or 15 and it was one of those girl crushes. She said that she was a ballerina dancer and she thinks that she would have kissed her back then if she could have.
Katy said that girls are very touchy feely when they're little and having sleep overs and stuff. Howard asked how she ended up kissing this girl at the bar. She said that it just happened. She also said that she's kissed her friends before too so it's not that big of a deal.
Howard asked Katy about these people who come up to her and just kiss her without warning. She said that Whoopi Goldberg kind of side swiped her on The View. Howard asked if she tried to slip her the tongue. Katy said she didn't but she wanted to dip her or something when it happened. Artie said she would have thrown out her back if she had.
Howard said that Katy is dating a black guy so Artie said that maybe she could have written ''I Kissed a Schvoog And I Liked It.'' Howard told him that would be very racist. He said that she would have written ''I Kissed a Black Guy'' or something like that.
Howard asked Katy if she's seen any money from this hit song yet. She said that she hasn't seen anything yet. The guitar players, Matt and Patrick, were looking over at her to find out if she had. Katy said that it's not coming in yet.
Howard asked Matt and Patrick if they had ever kissed Katy. Katy said that she did kiss Matt years ago but not lately. She said she feels like they're brother and sister now.
Howard said that Katy is doing pretty good. He said that she had a record deal at 18 and that's pretty amazing. He said that a lot of people get record deals but they go nowhere. Katy said that the record company wasn't going to put ''I Kissed a Girl'' on the record when she got her deal. She said that it was the last song that she had recorded for this demo. She said that she didn't do anything with the song for like a year and a half but she had this chorus going through her head. She said that it wouldn't go away so she figured she had to record it.
Howard asked Katy to do her song but she wanted to hear ''I Pissed on a Girl'' which was Sal's parody of her song. Howard said he'd play that for her after she did her song. She went into ''I Kissed a Girl'' a short time later. The song is on her album ''One of the Boys.''
After the song Howard said that she was terrific, as were the rest of the guys in her band. Artie said that he and George were dancing to the song. Katy said that was the best compliment she's gotten and it was from Howard Stern.
Howard said that Matt's dad was in the band America. Howard asked if that's a lot of pressure for a guy to grow up with a father who is that talented. Matt said that he's actually a great guy and he didn't have any pressure. Patrick said that his dad sells cars.
Howard asked Katy if other females singers started to call her after she hit it big. She said that she knows that Madonna likes her but she hasn't spoken to her. She said that she kind of sent out her blessings through other channels.
Howard asked Katy if anyone like Avril Lavigne has contacted her or if there's some kind of rivalry. Katy said that people try to start stuff with her like with Miley Cyrus but she and Miley actually text and they're going to get together for coffee.
Howard said that Katy has something about her that he likes. She said it's probably the dark sense of humor she has.
Howard asked Matt and Patrick if they're getting laid constantly. They said that they were but Howard wanted to know if they were being truthful. Patrick said that he has a girlfriend so he is getting laid constantly by her. Matt said that they're kind of boring on the bus so he's not out there doing that too much. They have a lot of 14 year old fans too so he has to be careful who he's banging.
Howard asked Katy about her plans for the next album. Katy said that she's going to do another one but they're about to release her second single from the current album. She's also going to Europe to do a tour over there.
Howard played Sal's ''I Pissed on a Girl'' song for Katy since she asked to hear it. She got a laugh out of that but said that was pretty controversial.
Howard asked if there were radio stations that wouldn't play her song because they thought it was promoting homosexuality. Katy said that no one really had a problem, not even people down south. Artie told her that she should try eating pussy and see what kind of song she writes. Katy said she was speechless after that.
Howard asked Katy where she first heard her song on the radio. She said that she knew the song was going to be on and heard it in her hotel room. She said that she did a blog about that on her web site KatyPerryBlog.com
Howard asked Katy who she would like to meet the most. She said the person is dead but it would be Freddy Mercury. Artie said that's weird because he kissed a girl and hated it.
Howard asked Katy about the guy she's dating and if her parents were okay with her dating a black man. She said that they were fine with it. Katy said that her father has been getting tattoos a lot in his old age and he's hoping that her boyfriend will tattoo him.
Howard wished Katy luck with her career and said he was going to play her new single before they left. Katy said that she was really nervous about coming in this morning because she thought he was going to make her get naked and do some weird stuff. Howard asked her to get naked and ride the Sybian after that.
Howard and Artie were talking about what a great body Katy had and that led to them talking to her about the size of her boobs. Howard said he thought they were C's but she told him that they're actually double Ds. She said she's a 32 DD. Howard asked her to lift up her sweat shirt but she did one better and took it off. Howard said she really does look amazing. He said that was impressive. Howard didn't think she was wearing a bra but she said that she was.
Artie told Katy to go have fun out on the road and not trust the rapper dude she's dating. She said that he was right outside the door which freaked Artie out for a second. She said she was just kidding.
Howard played Katy's new single ''Hot and Cold'' from her album ''One of the Boys'' as they were going to break.
Howard said that Sal was in the hall talking to Katy and they had to get him away from her as quickly as possible. He was trying to take a picture with her out there. He was in the middle of another commercial when he brought that up.
After the commercial break we heard a prank call that Sal and Richard made to Gary the Retard where they told him he had been tested and proven to be not retarded. Fred played some U2 ''With Or Without You'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said he liked that song that Katy performed. Robin said she liked it acoustic. Howard had George do an announce for them before moving on. George read a bit about Michael Phelps swimming like the sperm that's in his own butt.
Howard said he saw a commercial for Heroes last night during the Olympics and it looks like it's going to be good. He said he liked last season but it appears that a lot of people didn't. Howard said he's in geek heaven with the super hero movies and TV shows that are out now. He still hasn't seen The Hulk though.
Fred asked Mike who is behind the John Edwards story. Mike said that he can't give sources and they're not politically motivated there so he doesn't think that it's the Republicans. Mike said that sometimes it's as simple as a family member giving them some details. Fred and Mike went back and forth on that for a short time before Howard cut Fred off thinking that he was taking over the show.
Artie was goofing on Mike a little bit so Mike came back at him with a ''Big Fat Fuck'' comment. He was also asking Artie why he didn't go to the Bob Saget roast. Artie told him about that and wondered why the National Enquirer didn't report on his rehab thing. Mike didn't think he was reported on many places at all.
Howard had Mike get to the game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Artie said that the knows what the G in Lisa G stands for and that's ''Gullible.'' Lisa said that's not the case at all. She said that the best part of the story is that there are actresses who pick dresses worn by other actresses just so they can get into the magazine.
Howard said that all he can say is that he's very suspicious. They claimed that the vote was 82% to 18% in favor of Katherine.
Lisa said that she spoke to Beetlejuice's former teacher and case worker. She told Lisa about putting Beetle into a cooking class and how he made a 4 pound meatball one time in class. She said that teachers liked him and he passed school with a special diploma. She said that they also claimed that Beet's parents wanted him to perform in the circus.
Lisa said that Jim Florentine has apologized to Robin for what he did by going on Bubba's show last week. Howard said that he thought Jim handled himself very well there. Robin said she didn't even hear it. She said that she didn't like that he didn't tell her that he was going to be doing that. She said that she didn't care that he went on the show, she just would have liked it if he had let her know ahead of time.
Howard let Lisa go and had Jon Hein give his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of stuff that they were going to try and cover today.
The Howard TV guys showed some video of Artie and George dancing to Katy Perry's song. George was laughing as he was watching himself. The guys talked about how good Katy was performing that song and how good her voice is. Artie said that she was nice and he hopes that she has more hits.
Artie mentioned that one of the Inty Awards that they didn't talk about earlier was ''Most Feared.'' He said that Howard was number 2 on that and Tracy the office manager was the number one most feared. That led to Artie doing his impression of her yelling at Steve Grillo. Gary said that she's won that award three times in a row now.
Ralph said that yesterday's show was brilliant. He said that everything was great. Ralph said he'll have to listen to this one back again. He said that all of the stuff that happened yesterday was just good. He said he listened to Johnny and Eric's call three times. He said he loved that Eric said he'd do this thing for Johnny right as he hung up.
Howard said that they have a 911 call that this chick Rielle Hunter who banged John Edwards made. She called 911 to complain about the paparazzi following her. She said that they were harassing her. The 911 Operator had to ask her why she was being followed and she explained that they were trying to find out more about this baby she had and if the father was this famous guy.
Howard went to Mutt from Superfan Roundtable and asked him what they had coming up tonight. Mutt said that they're going to be talking about yesterday's show and about the stuff that happened there. they'll have Bubba and Ferrall's reactions to Chris Russo coming to SIRIUS. Mutt said that Bubba had a bit of a meltdown over that and he's talking about not coming back. They had money for Russo but not for him. They'll be talking about all of that tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Artie said that he heard the Superfan Roundtable the week that he was out in rehab. He wanted to thank Mutt for being a good friend that night. Mutt said he was hoping that they didn't make anything worse for him. Artie said that he appreciates that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was part of the penis contest yesterday and tried to take a picture of Lisa G in the lobby and she completely freaked out on him as if he were a 6'6'' tall black guy. The guy said that she was like the police there.
Howard took a call from Eric the Midget who said that he wanted to ask George about a guy doing an impression of him on The Tonight Show. George said he didn't see that show that night but he has seen that guy do his voice before. It was the guy who plays his son in Heroes so George told the guys what Eric was talking about. Howard asked Eric if that was a good answer for his boring question. Eric seemed satisfied so he let him go.
Robin started off her news talking about a guy she saw walking down the street who was huge and she just realized that he's from Gossip Girl.
Howard said that he's been watching The Two Coreys lately and he saw them doing an intervention on Corey Haim with Todd Bridges and Pauly Shore. Artie said that he told Howard about that show and he thinks that Corey Feldman's wife is really hot. Howard said that he always got hot chicks. Artie said that the show is great and it seems like Corey Haim has done some dark shit. He said that he's thinking that maybe, just maybe, he has sucked a cock in the past 10 years. He said he just feels that and he doesn't know it. He said if they had that on tape that would be quite an episode.
Howard said that the Brooke Hogan show is great and so is The Two Coreys. He said they have to bring back Danny Bonaduce's show though. Artie said that he's going to be at Levy's fight against Bonaduce and he will be in his corner. Howard said he thinks this is suicide for Bob and he's going to die. Robin said that Bob claims to be working out but she sees no evidence of that.
Howard said that he loves Bob but he thinks that he's going to die if he gets in the ring with Danny. He thinks that Danny can kill him. Artie said that he's been talking to Bob about this fight and he wants him to wear a T-shirt for some deli or something. Artie said the fight is on September 13th. Check out RevBobLevy.com for more info.
Robin read a story about the Jonas Brothers making the most money out on tour right now. She talked about the three albums that they have on the charts right now and how well they're doing. Robin had Howard play some of their stuff so they could check out why they're so hot right now. The guys all thought it was pretty horrible music.
Robin said that Ricky Martin has become a dad. Artie said so did Clay Aiken. Artie was going to talk about the 500 pound gorilla in the room about those two but dropped it and said he'll talk about it off the air. Robin said that Ricky's kids were created through a surrogate mother.
Robin read a story about a list about the guys with the best abs. She read through the names on that list with David Beckham on the top of the list. Artie wondered where he and Benjy would end up on that list. He said he might win ''wittiest mind'' or something like that.
Robin said that the Naked Cowboy has a reality TV show deal in the works. Artie said he doesn't like that guy at all. Its' going to be a show where they try to find the best street singer. Artie said the world is doomed when a guy like that gets a reality show.
Artie said that he's a big fan of this show on HBO called ''Hard Knocks.'' He said that the show is about guys trying to get into the NFL and it was fascinating. He said that you don't even have to be a sports fan to get into the show.
Robin read a story about the Olympics and who is watching all of that stuff. She said that it's mostly older white women. Howard said that they have far too many commercials running during the Olympics. He said that it's hard to sit through it all.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has been listening for 25 years and he's never called in. He said he just wanted to say that George is the best guest he's ever had on the show. He wished him the best and talked about how fantastic he is on the show.
Robin talked about this runner that was on last night. Howard said he saw one Jamaican guy last night who was wearing sunglasses but that wasn't the one Robin was talking about. It was Usain Bolt who broke two world records last night.
Bob Levy called in and said that Howard has to stop sucking Danny Bonaduce's dick. Howard said he's not, he's sucking Bob's dick. Howard said that Bob is going to get killed. Bob said that he's been training lately and he knows he can beat Danny.
Artie said that he's going to give Howard even odds. He said that he wants to bet Howard $1,000. Howard said he'd do that. Artie told Bob to go to the gym. Bob was yelling that he's going to win and he knows it. Howard told Bob he loves him and he hopes that Artie wins the bet. Bob wanted to put in another 5 grand into the bet but Howard didn't want to take his money. Howard asked Artie to double his payment if Bob dies in the fight. Artie said that he'd do that.
Howard said that if he wins the bet, he will use that money to buy Bob a nice casket. Bob said that he's going to knock this motherfucker out and the fight is for real. Bob told the guys that he doesn't want the match stopped unless someone is knocked out.
Bob said that they have 3 one minute rounds. Artie said that they can't tell them to stop the fight. The guys talked about the 1 minute rounds and how that seemed to be kind of backwards.
Bob told Howard that this isn't chess. Howard said he probably wouldn't to very well with that either. Bob and Artie ended up arguing a little bit and threw some insults at each other. Artie told Bob to get to the gym. Bob said that he's going to the gym and maybe Artie should try that.
Howard said that Danny has fought his entire childhood in martial arts so that's why he thinks that he's going to win. Bob has had fights according to Artie. Howard said that he wishes Bob luck but he still thinks that Danny is going to kill him.
Bob said that he's going to knock Danny out in the studio if he says anything to him. He was also saying that he's been clean for the past 3 months now. Artie asked him if he's been smoking at all. Bob said that he's had maybe 5 cigarettes in that time. Howard said that he hopes that Bob proves him wrong. Bob said he will. Howard said that he doesn't usually bet on stuff but he wanted to show he was serious about the fight.
Artie said that he loves betting on stuff like that. He said he wanted a drink after doing that. Howard said that maybe Artie should see his therapist today. Artie said that he actually has an appointment today. Howard said that maybe that was a bad idea to bet him. Artie said that he will ask the guy if he can bet. He'll even bet Howard that his therapist will say it's okay to bet.
Artie said that he's an addict and he knows that now. Artie said he wanted to bet George that Brad wouldn't marry him. He got a laugh out of that.
Robin read some news about how people who don't brush their teeth could end up risking their teeth and their health. Howard said that he uses a lot of stuff to take care of his teeth and he's great. Robin said that it could lead to heart disease if you don't brush and care for your teeth.
Robin read a story about how Oprah Winfrey has been on the cover of more magazines than any other woman. She's on the cover of her ''O'' magazine. They won't let her get off the cover because they're suffering in sales lately.
Robin talked about the Democratic Convention that's coming up and how there will be a lot of stars showing up to that out in Denver. Robin said that they're going to be on vacation next week and that's when the convention is. Artie said that he might have to go out there and get some hookers. He said that they get a lot of good customers out there at those conventions from what he's heard.
Robin had some news about Barack Obama and John McCain. Robin had a story about President Bush talking about Georgia's problems with Russia.
A caller asked Howard if they have discussed the God Hates Fags people picketing George's wedding. George said that they have gotten e-mails about that. Howard said they're threatening to picked the wedding. George said he that he hasn't heard from her. They have plenty of privacy set up for that event and they won't be able to get in. Howard told him not to let that rain on their parade. George said they have 10 foot hedges and have hired security.
Howard played a clip of the God Hates Fags people talking about Ellen Degeneres and George ''Tacky'' getting married. The guy speaking was Fred Phelps. George said that he heard that clip, that's what people had e-mailed them. Howard said that he can't believe that this guy Fred Phelps is a civil rights lawyer. George said that these people can't push their religious beliefs into law like they seem to want to do.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. She read a story about Jennifer Garner being pregnant again. She had a story about The Bachelor and the chick that he picked as the winner. She went through a few more quick stories and then ended her news.
Howard thanked George for being in this week. George said he's enjoyed this week and he thinks that everything they've done this week will help strengthen his relationship with Brad. Howard wished him luck with his wedding and said he's glad he survived his bachelor party. He asked him to please come back and visit them again soon. Artie said that both Howard and George will be married when they see George again. Howard said they'll have a nice toast when he does come back. Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Gange said that he was actually kind of creeped out by the letters. Gary said that Gange and Kendra hooked up one night and Kendra drove 4 hours from Massachusetts just to fuck him. Gange said that he didn't expect her to actually show up. Gange said that she showed up with her friend and they left the friend sitting in his living room. He said he kept thinking that she was running out with his TV and stuff. Gange said that it was kind of awkward that day. He said that he went to work the next morning and she went back home. He said that she came and fucked him and then went home, it was that simple.
Gange said that once she started doing porn things got a little too crazy for him. He said he didn't want to go down that road anymore.
Gange said that he thought about hooking up with her again out in Los Angeles one time but she had gotten a little crazier by that point. Gary said that he really likes Kendra and she's always been fun for the show.
Gange said that he was actually trying to pawn her off on other people but he was trying to hook up with some other chick that night. That was going nowhere though.
Gary said that it seems like Kendra has found the right guy and he never thought she would. He said that she was a great guest on the show and helped them out with Butt Billionaire a couple of times.
Gange said that he thought that guy Lukas was going to be upset when they brought him in but he didn't seem to care. He said he's glad he wasn't pissed.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's seen Kendra at Al's before and she's a freak. He said that he and his buddy were next to the stage and she was taking a picture of herself and rubbing it between her legs. He said his buddy was smelling it after that. Gary said he must be proud.
Gary said that Al's is this strip club that's totally nude where you have to bring your own booze. He said it's always a wild party there.
Jon asked Gange what the craziest thing he's ever done with Kendra was. He said that it was probably hooking up with her in the parking lot. He said that her coming to his apartment was pretty crazy too. He said they weren't having ''porn star sex'' or anything though. It was regular sex.
Gary said that they were supposed to have Katy on back in July but things didn't work out. Gary said that the song was number 1 for seven weeks in a row so it was a big deal to get her on the show while it was still a hit.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Katy Perry was great. He said that he liked the way she came off on the show.
One caller said that Katy was a good guest but he didn't like her song. He said he thinks that she needs the electronics behind her. The caller was also saying that Artie got rejected by that chick and by the Miss Howard TV so that might hurt him. Gary said that Artie has to work on getting straight and not worry about the women. The caller told Gary that he beat his dick to his wife's picture. Gary actually thanked the guy for that.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Katy annoyed him and he couldn't stand her voice. Gary said that she was doing a weird voice and he can understand why some people might be annoyed by it.
Jon played a clip of Katy singing and Gary said he thought the performance was good. Jon asked Benjy what he thought of George and Artie dancing to the song. Benjy said he didn't know how to answer that. He thought about getting up and dancing too but he had second thoughts about it because he might get into trouble.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what the chances are that they can get the rights to the song so they can play that on Howard TV. Gary said that they may be able to get the rights to Row, Row, Row Your Boat. Gange said that they won't be able to get the rights to that song but they did get the rights to Staind's song that they performed this week. It all depends on who owns the rights and 3 companies own the rights to Katy's song so there's little chance of them getting the song on the air.
Another caller said that Gange is a stupid shit and Benjy might have to stop writing because he got Artie into trouble during the Mike Walker game today with one of his jokes. Benjy said that he had one bad one today but he said that Howard said that he laughed at a bunch of his other stuff.
Another caller said that he wanted to talk about the ''Katy Kerry'' performance today. He said that his 7 year old son is into that song. He said that he doesn't know what his son likes about it through. Gary said he probably just hears the music.
Gange asked if the guys think that their daughter hearing that song would be a bad thing. Gary and Jon both said they have no problem with them hearing those songs. Jon said that his kids don't know what half of the lyrics mean when they hear the songs. Jon said that his youngest daughter is into some pretty questionable songs but he finds it kind of funny when his daughter sings ''666 the sign of the devil'' after playing Guitar Hero.
Sal said that his kids like Green Day and KISS but he doesn't let them listen to songs with curse words in them. He said that he let them hear his band Facial but had to bleep out all of the curse words. He said that his son thought it sucked though so he wasted his time.
Gary said that he thinks that Katy may have heard about Sal's ''I Pissed on a Girl'' but didn't know just how graphic it was going to be. He said he thinks that she may have been shocked when she heard it.
Sal said that women are supposed to be repulsed by that song. He said that the majority of the guys in the audience are the ones who he made that song for.
Jon asked Sal if he got to talk to Katy about the song. Sal said he didn't but Gary said that's not exactly true. Sal said that he wanted to get a picture with Katy Perry but Jason asked him if he got the okay from Gary first. Sal said that he ended up walking away when he got the ''no'' from Gary. Gary said he had to pull Sal away from her.
Jon said that he saw the record company guy ask Sal if he was the ''I Pissed on a Girl'' song. Sal gave him a very exuberant ''Yeah!'' Sal said the guy said ''Awesome'' when he told him it was him. He thought the guy was going to say something negative to him about it.
Gary said that when he sees Sal with a guest he just thinks about him telling Jon Stewart he sucked. Sal said that they tell him that they don't know where he's going to go with those crazy thoughts in his head. Sal said he kind of gets that now.
Jason reminded the guys that Sal had gone up to Russell Simmons one time and told him that he was the white devil and didn't have a problem with Russell. Sal said that he wasn't trying to be racist, it was more of a realistic thought that black guys thinks that white guys are the white devil and wonder what's going to happen when they come up to them. The guys all laughed at Sal as he was giving his wacky theory on that whole thing.
Gary said that Sal takes it upon himself to ''break the ice'' with these people like that and maybe it's not his job to do that. Sal said it was just the timing of the whole thing. He said it was fate that brought them together at that time. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about that before they had to break.
Sal said that Bob is taking this really seriously and he's not smoking or drinking so that's why he was so irritable on the phone. Sal also asked what they have to protect in their heads when he was asked if they're wearing head gear.
Shuli said that they were supposed to do the fight in Atlantic City but a certain someone didn't want to take a test that they had to take to fight there. They have to go through the boxing commission there if they do that. That's why it was moved to Broomhall, Pennsylvania.
Shuli said that if Danny wanted to fight for real then he'd get in the ring with pros instead of taking on the people he fights. Shuli said that Bob has the height and weight over Danny too.
Jon said that the best fights are when people really hate each other are in the ring. They were also talking about the kind of money that they're fighting for. Sal said that the purse is only $6,000. Benjy thought that was kind of nuts to fight for that kind of money. Gary said that they'll both be on the show the day before the fight.
Sal said that Bob should keep the money for himself and not give it to Robin's charity. He thinks that he should put that away for his son's college savings. Gary said he agrees with that. Jon said that Bob should keep the money. Sal said he loves Bob and his family and hopes that he does the right thing with the money.
The woman said that she thinks that Eric should have to go through hoops to plug stuff and not just get the plugs as easy as he can. Gary said that Eric has quit the show before and it must be like heroin addiction for him because he did come back.
Sal said that Howard has been very consistent with Eric and he seems to like him the same over the years. He said that it's almost like clockwork when Howard picks up on the guy and has him on. Gary said that it's going to be brutal when Howard does get tired of Eric and stops taking his calls. Eric is going to go nuts when that happens.
A caller asked Jon where in Ann Arbor he lived and hung out. Jon told the guy he hung out at Crazy Jim's Blimpie Burger and gave him some other details about where he was living.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he thinks that Johnny Fratto owes the show about half a million bucks for all of the stuff he gets plugged on the show.
He was also asking Sal if his wife likes to be spanked. Sal said that she doesn't like to get spanked and she doesn't even like him to give her a pat on the ass in the mall or anything like that. He said she doesn't like any touching at all.
The caller said that he thinks that Sal should put out a Christine Governale calendar and he'd buy it. Sal said that's not such a bad idea.
Another caller said that he was digging Katy Perry until she said that she was a ''ni*ger digger.'' The guy said that he's not racist but he doesn't like to hear that kind of stuff.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she likes when Eric the Midget is on the show and she thinks that he should be on even more. She said that she'd like to see him do ''more'' stunts for the show. Gary said that they've never gotten Eric to do any stunts for the show before. She said that she thinks Eric is so funny and loves it when Artie tries to get rid of him. She said she could listen to that over and over again.
Sal asked the woman if she would give Eric a hand job if she asked him to. She said she might just do that just so she could say she's seen it. She said that she'd like to be able to say that she saw a midget cock.
The guys had about a minute left and talked to Sal about his creepy names for the female interns there that were discussed on the Intern Show last night. They ran out of time so they had to end the show a short time later.