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Howard started off the show talking about how there's still no merger and his father was going on a rant about that over the weekend. He said that his father read something about the merger and how one of the FCC commissioners was saying that they should put more conditions on the merger. That drove him nuts. Howard said that they're trying to put price freezes on the service for 6 years and things like that.
Howard said his father had a whole bunch of shit to say about the whole thing. He said he's furious about the whole thing but he doesn't want to go on the air about it because he thinks that he's going to incense the FCC. Howard said that he was saying that he'd send crazy karma into the air if he did that.
Howard said that this movie must have started at 2:30 in the morning if it was letting out at 5:15. He can't imagine who is going to see a movie at 2:30 in the morning. Artie said that maybe it's bartenders and waiters going to see it. Howard said that he won't go to see a movie at 2 in the morning.
Artie said that he used to go to late night movies when he was working jobs where he was up late. They weren't at 2 in the morning but they were pretty late at night.
The guys talked about the movie a little more and some of the rumors going around about Heath Ledger. There was a story about Jack Nicolson warning Heath that he could go to a really dark place if he played that part that Artie had heard.
Artie said that he thinks that it makes the fans feel different about a show when they see stuff like that going on. That led to Robin talking about how terrible it is when a band member talks about the others in a negative way like Don Felder did last week. The bands do something so incredible together and then you find out that stuff.
Howard read a story about High Pitch Eric being charged with larceny after allegedly using a friend's Discover card to charge some stuff for himself. The guys all took a guess at who it was and both Artie and Robin got it right before Howard even read Eric's name. That led to the guys talking about Eric and how they've heard stories about him doing stuff like that in the past.
Howard said that this is pretty intense. He said that they've talked to Eric about this before and they warned him that he was heading toward getting into some trouble if he kept that up.
Howard read an article about the merger and how much money it's cost XM and SIRIUS so far. They've been waiting for over 16 months now waiting for an answer on it and they still don't have one. He said there's nothing complicated about the merger and they should have given them an answer a long time ago.
Howard said his father was talking about how this is almost like communism. Howard said that he has to applaud the NAB for doing such a good job at delaying this decision. He said that they're doing a great job at creating communism in this country as well.
Howard read that the NAB made a comment about the amount that the two companies have spent on this merger so far. They were talking about how they spend huge amount of money on things and this shows what they're willing to do to create this monopoly.
Howard read the story that talked about the winner of this online vote. He said that the guy that won is some guy by the name of Dr. James Dobson. Now he's in a radio hall of fame. Howard said he's never heard of this Dobson guy and he doesn't know of anyone who does know him. Artie said that he's heard of him but only because he worked with a guy who listened to him.
Gary said that they had the guy's bios if he wanted to read them. Howard read about Art Bell getting some votes too and inducted into the radio hall of fame. Howard said that Art bell is that nudnik who claims to have seen UFOs. Artie said that would be like Riley Martin getting nominated into the hall of fame.
Howard read through the article and mentioned another name which was Charlie Tuna. Howard said that he went through a training process back when he was starting out and he used to hear this guy doing a Charlie Tuna imitation because he wanted to be like that guy. That's when he first heard of this Charlie Tuna guy.
Artie said that he went to the Connecticut School of Broadcasting and he knew a guy who wanted to be called ''Rich Parent'' and he was going to live off this one bad joke that he had about how everyone wanted to have a ''Rich Parent.''
Artie asked if someone like Phil Hendry is in the radio hall of fame. Howard said he didn't know. He read through the note he got from them about the voting that went on and how they were sorry to report that he didn't make it into the hall of fame. Howard said that they sent him a letter that he lost. Howard said that he doesn't care that he wasn't nominated to be in this thing.
Howard had Art Bell's bio and read through that. He also had some notes about a guy he had heard about when he was growing up. That guy is dead now but they're letting him in. He talked about Howie Carr who he had never heard of. They had something about and another dead guy Bob Collins. They had Mickey Luckhoff and Charlie the Tuna.
Artie said that what the letter should have said is that even though Howard is the most famous radio guy who generates the most money in the industry, they're not going to let him into the radio hall of fame.
Howard read some other notes about the various guys who were nominated to get inducted and wondered if the one religious guy pays to get on the air. He said that guys like that do have to pay to be on the air.
Howard said that he will survived this whole mess. He said that if he had won, he probably would have thrown up. He said it would almost be like him writing a letter to Charlize Theron and telling her that he's never going to fuck her and she has no chance of ever getting him. Artie said then he'd tell her that she was turned down with people like Shirley Hemphill and some other ugly women.
Artie said that he already sent his ''no'' to them and he's already sent in a check to their charity. He said that he sent in like $1,500. Howard said the sad thing is that they may never know how much he sent because they usually just get a card saying that a donation was made. Artie said that now people will know what he sent because people read MarksFriggin.
Artie said that he'd like to know who he's inviting to his wedding. Howard said that he's going to have a wedding before he has the party for his friends. He said that Mark Consuelos is going to marry them at his wedding for their friends. Mark won't be there for the family celebration. Howard said that Mark is very serious about marrying them and he's even done some counseling with them before the wedding.
Howard said he thinks that's going to be fun. HE's going to have a couple of people sing at the wedding. Phoebe Snow and someone else may be there but Gary wasn't sure if she was going to work out. Howard said that it would be Natalie Maines if she can make it. He said that he knows her now and actually ended up on vacation with her one time. He said that he digs that chick. Gary reminded Howard that Pat Monahan may sing as well.
Howard said that he saw Jon Bon Jovi's wife recently and she was saying that Jon may be singing at the wedding. Howard said he had no idea about that and figured that Gary must have spoken to him about it. Gary told him that he didn't say anything to him. Howard said that he doesn't care if Jon doesn't sing but it would be nice. He told Gary not to bother him with that though.
Robin wondered where this mark Conseulos fiasco is going to be happening since they're going to be sitting down to have this party at some restaurant or something. Howard said that maybe Robin should just stay home. He said that he's got to worry about her dietary needs already.
Howard said that he has to lose a few pounds because he's actually put on a few pounds. He said that he actually gains weight the more he works out. He said that sometimes he can not work out and lose weight.
Howard said that Beth has been working out training for the New York City Marathon. He said she goes out and jogs really early on the weekends so she can beat the heat. Then she waits for him to wake up to go out and run some more.
Artie said that he had some gigs this weekend at Caroline's and the shows sold out and they raised a lot of money for the teacher who lost her job after she was on Howard's show. He said it was a benefit show for her. She lost her job just for wearing a bathing suit on the show.
Howard said he heard that the new Miss Howard TV, Shawn Carla, showed up to Artie's show the other night. Artie said that she did show up and she brought a hot chick with her. Artie said that the audience was telling her to blow him and fuck him when they saw that she was there. He said that he didn't get anything off of her that night but they may go out when she gets back from a trip she's going on. Artie said that he got both of that chick's numbers so he's got her mobile number now.
Artie said that he got to meet Graig Nettles at a show a while back and then the other night at his comedy show Graig showed up to say hi to him again. Artie had used his name to stay under when he was out in Las Vegas. Artie said that Graig was really cool because he saw his picture outside of Caroline's and just stopped in to say hi. He said that the younger kids in the audience didn't know who he was which was kind of sad.
Artie said that Graig was on the 77 and 78 Yankees and he was a great fielder. He said that he had a great World Series in 78 and he made some great plays during that series. Howard said that he's such a great guy that if Artie blew him, it wouldn't even be a gay experience.
Joey said that he's not sure that he wants Eric in his apartment now that he's heard that story. Howard wondered if Eric is retarded. He said that the guy must not know how much trouble he's going to be in for this. Joey said that the guy was a big friend of his and he still ripped the guy off. The guy let Eric use his apartment when he was between apartments. Joey said that Eric is a piece of shit and he wants to distance himself from the guy now.
Eric the Midget was on the phone so he picked up on him. He didn't say anything though so Howard had to help him out a little bit and asked him to talk. Eric went on to say that people should retract their statements about High Pitch betting better than him. Eric said that there are some people who have said that. No one in the studio knew who said that though.
Joey said that Eric has tried to rip off Johnny Fratto too though. He said that he was trying to rip off Johnny for 8 grand but ended up with like 300 bucks.
Fred said that High Pitch ripped off a guy for 3 grand while Eric the Midget was trying to get 8 grand from Johnny. He said that Eric is worse than High Pitch if that's the case. He may not have gotten the money but he did try.
Artie pointed out that the Yankees killed the As in their series. Eric said ''yeah, whatever'' and called Artie some names. Everyone was calling everyone else names at that point. Joey was going off on Eric, Eric was going off on Artie, Artie was going off on Eric.
Howard wrapped up with Joey and said goodbye to all of them. Joey was wondering if he should go through with the new Craptacular with High Pitch. Artie wondered if either one of them could crap out Eric the Midget's weight. Howard wondered if Eric has normal sized shits or if he shits out pellets. Eric claims that he has normal sized doody.
Joey was saying that High Pitch Eric was using that money that he stole to go to comedy shows. That led to them talking about Eric going to Artie's show in Baltimore and Artie paying Eric 200 bucks to go out on stage to say hi. That led into Howard playing the prank call that Eric made to a pharmacy asking for twat cream.
Gary came in and told Howard that Steve Langford did a report about High Pitch where he pretty much admits to doing all of that stuff. Howard played that clip where Eric admits that he used the card and he was sorry for doing that to his friend. Then Eric won't be talking to the guy anymore and that's it.
Howard said that Eric is the most honest criminal for admitting to doing that stuff. He said that's why he thinks that he's retarded. The guys talked about how he must have something going on because he can hold down a job and his animals are able to stay alive. He must know what he's doing with some stuff.
Howard said that he loves that you can go to see a movie in Florida at any time and not have a full house. Artie said that he won't wait in line to go see something like ''You, Me and Dupree'' but maybe something like Batman. He said that going to a theater can ruin a movie too. He said that he's rented a movie that he saw in the theater and loved it on DVD but not in the theater.
Howard said that he still likes Spider-Man, the first one, the best out of the super hero movies. Wolfie disagreed with that. He said that he can't believe that one is better than Iron Man and the Dark Knight. Howard said that he still loves Spider-Man 1 and 2.
Howard said that number 3 would be Iron Man, and then X-Men at number 4. He said that number 5 would be the first Superman with Christopher Reeve. He said that the Dark Knight might be in that range though. He said that this Batman was better than the one with Jack Nicolson. He said that he'd have to put the Dark Knight around number 6.
Howard said that he loved this movie and he will see it again. Robin said that her list has been completely mixed up after seeing Iron Man and The Dark Knight. Robin said that she loved the first Bat Man movie. She said that she's thinking about moving this new Dark Knight to number one but Iron Man might be right up there too.
Howard said he saw a trailer for Watchmen on the internet and it looks wild. He said that might be a new contender. That led to him talking about the new Star Wars animated movie that's coming out this summer. He said that George Lucas has to quit with this stuff and give up on making the movies. He said that it looks like it's going to be awful too.
Howard asked Wolfie what his list of super hero movies was. He said that Iron Man, Batman 2, Spider-Man 3, the Batman that Tim Burton did and then Superman with Chris Reeve would be his top movies.
Another caller said that he liked Robo Cop and Dark Man. Howard said that he needs to watch those again. He asked Gary to get them for him. Robin said that if that's the case then he should watch The Matrix again too because that was great.
The caller asked why they cast the female leads so bad in these super hero movies. They talked about Maggie Gyllenhaal and some of the others that have played those roles. Howard said he thinks they're going for more of a realistic type of thing in the movies and that's why they cast those women who aren't that hot.
Howard said that there's no way that Bruce Wayne would look at Maggie Gyllenhaal for a second time. He said that he's not sure what happened to Katie Holmes either and ended up talking about her for a short time. Howard said that she looks very odd now and that must be from her hanging out with Tom Cruise.
Howard talk about some of the other women who have played the leads in these super hero movies and how they just don't belong. He said that Maggie's brother, Jake, is a hotter chick than she is. He said that if this trend continues, Batman's next girlfriend is going to be Whoopi Goldberg.
Howard said that in the past Batman used to wear a utility belt but in this latest movie he didn't have one on. He was pulling stuff out of his suit but not from a belt.
The caller asked Howard what he thinks about Terminator 4. Howard said that he's looking forward to that. He said that they actually show the war in that one. They don't have Arnold Schwarzenegger in that one though. Howard said he's not needed from what he's seen. Howard said that the movie shows that the war is not what the kid was expecting and that's what they show in that one. He said he has high hopes for that movie.
The caller asked if Howard thinks that they've had too many super hero movies this year. Howard said there can't be too many. He said he hasn't even seen The Hulk yet. Robin said that he hasn't seen Hancock either. That led to Artie doing his Butt-head impression and laughed at ''Hancock.'' Howard talked about some of the other super heroes that DC and Marvel used to come out with and how they used to rip each other off.
Howard said that he loved the character Daredevil but they ruined that whole franchise. He said that the comic books were great but they fucked it up so bad that they should shoot the guy for doing what he did to him. He said he should be put up on trial over it.
Howard said he loved the Blade movie too and then asked for the guys to shove that into his top 5... or maybe not. He said he always wanted these characters made into movies and now they're actually doing it. He said he loves that they do this shit because he won't go to see Mama Mia or anything like that. The caller told Howard that Pierce Brosnan is in that movie. Howard wondered if he's playing James Bond in Mama Mia.
The caller asked Howard a question but his phone kept breaking up. Howard asked the guy what kind of phone he's on. The guy asked again what he would do if Beth wanted to postpone his wedding. Howard said that he'd rather not be like Yucko and he'd be okay with it if she wanted to postpone it.
The guys asked him if he would break up with her if she embarrassed him like that. Howard said that he probably wouldn't. He had to think about that for a few seconds.
Howard said that when he's around hot chicks he asks himself if he'd want to fuck them. He said that he does but then he thinks that he'd rather be with Beth and puts that out of his mind.
The caller asked Howard to do the show for an hour as his mother. Howard said that he's not sure if he could keep that up for an hour. He tried out what it might be like if he did that with Daniel Carver though. He created the conversation with her and Daniel and said he won't be doing that. He let the caller go and then played a prank call the guys made to a gay phone sex line using Howard talking as his mother.
Howard said that his mother is getting all dolled up for his wedding thing and it's not even going to be that fancy. He said that he blessed his father's shirt and said it was fine. He doesn't even have to wear a tie. Howard said his father is super organized and his mother is driving him nuts. He said that the guy is almost 90 years old and he's being dragged to the store to get new shirts.
Howard said that his mother used to take him out shopping and would buy him slacks and stuff. He said that he would never buy that stuff on his own and she'd help him out. He said that she would pick out the ugliest slacks that were a red color.
Howard said that he was starting a job when his mother helped him get those slacks. He talked about how he lied on his resume to get that job. He said he claimed that he was a math major but that wasn't true. He spent a few minutes talking about that and how he could make a resume something out of nothing. They had to go to break after that.
Howard asked Daniel if he's still a member of the KKK. Daniel said that he's a lifetime member so of course he's in it. He said that they don't go around hanging people or anything. He said that they do have dues that he has to pay. He said that he's not a grand dragon anymore because he's getting too old for that stuff. Daniel said that the dues are his time that he puts in. He doesn't have to give any money.
Howard found out that Daniel is part Indian so they pointed out that they're pretty dark skinned. Howard said he's going to write a letter to the KKK and get him kicked out if that's the case. Daniel said that they were the ones who found out that he was part Indian when they did a DNA test on him. Howard had forgotten about that.
Howard said that the reason they're calling him today is because they want to know who he would back for President. Daniel doesn't usually vote because he doesn't believe that it would make a difference. Then he started to spew some bible crap and how God may just put Obama in the White House and that's going to curse us and ruin this country.
Daniel said there's nothing they can do about it if God wants to put him in there. He said that of course he's going to vote for McCain. He said that it won't matter if God wants Obama in office though. Howard asked if he ever thought he'd see this day that a black man could get into office. Daniel said that he never thought he'd see it when a black person could drink from the same fountain as a white person.
Howard asked Daniel what he would do if McCain took Joe Lieberman, a Jew, as Vice President. Daniel said he won't vote at all if that's the case. He said that he won't vote for no nig*er or a Jew. He said that he can't vote for either.
Howard asked Daniel what's going to happen if a black man is elected President. Daniel said that this nation will turn into a third world country based on what he's read in the bible. He said that it's going to be a curse that God is going to put on us for not following his rules. He said that's what the Mexican's are to this country and that's why they're invading this country.
Howard said that this Obama makes a lot of sense to him but Daniel said that he makes about as much sense as Martin Luther King. He said that Martin Luther King didn't write his own speeches and Obama isn't writing his own either. Daniel was saying that a black person can mate with a monkey and have babies with them. He said that he's read that stuff in National Geographic magazine. Howard said he didn't know that. Daniel said that every black baby is like a little monkey.
Howard asked Daniel when he became so vicious. He said that he had become kind of nice the last couple of times he was on. Daniel said he hasn't changed, he's just telling it like it is.
Howard said that when Stalin was running Russia he tried to mate humans with monkeys but it turned out it didn't work. Daniel said that it does work and he's read about it. Howard said that he'd like to see that article.
Howard said that this Obama thing must be a big blow to him. Daniel said that it is and he would have voted for Hillary if she had gotten the nomination. He said he didn't like Hillary but it would have gotten Bill back. He said he wasn't a fan of Bill's either but he's better than the two that are running now.
Howard said that maybe this is a good sign for this country. He said that it would show that we can all get along. Daniel said that it's going to be another one of those curses that God puts on us for not following his rules.
Howard said that Daniel never expected this and asked him if he'd prefer a Jew over a black guy. Daniel said that he'd rather have the monkey over the devil, yes. Howard said that it's very interesting that he and his wife are bonded in that hate that they have for these people. He asked if his wife still keeps her black dolls segregated from the white ones. Daniel said that of course she does. He said that everything should be segregated from cows to clothing.
Howard said that he dated a black woman. Daniel said that just proves that he's the devil. Howard said that he even had sex with black people. Daniel asked him if he threw up. Howard joked that he did but that was a fluke.
Howard said that there are a lot of black people out there who are better educated than Daniel. Daniel said that Robin isn't intelligent and she looks like Whoopi Goldberg. Daniel continued to throw out the racial stuff and goofed on Robin a bit.
Howard wrapped up with Daniel and was about to let him go. Artie asked where his wife was. Daniel said that she was at home and he was at work. He said that's what White people do, they work. Howard told Daniel that Robin is dating a white guy, Jim Florentine. Daniel said that guy is a nut. Artie agreed with him on that.
Daniel said that Robin is going to hell for doing that. Artie told Daniel that he's been with a black woman as well. He told Daniel that he's Italian and not black or a Jew. Daniel said they like Italians and even have some in the Klan.
Daniel said that he rode in a car with Artie's mother on their last day at K-Rock. Artie said that he had forgotten about that. He said that his mother and sister rode in a cab with Daniel because they weren't able to get a ride. He said that he's got a picture of the two of them with Daniel and they're smiling like they were meeting a celebrity. They had to wrap up with Daniel a short time later. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said that he was thinking about the song that Don Felder did last week. They recut the song so that Artie isn't singing in it now. Robin said that's going to kill him when he finds out. Fred said that Artie was really into it and he's going to be bummed when he finds out.
Howard said that a caller to the Wrap Up Show last week claimed that the song ''Hotel California'' had some licks ripped off from some Jethro Tull song. Howard played the song that the guy claimed they ripped off. Howard said that Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull said that it could have been something subconscious and their song wasn't a popular song and the Eagles song was. The guys went through that for a minute talking about that.
Artie came in so Howard broke the news to him that Gary had recut the song so he wasn't in it anymore. Artie said that he thought he was supposed to sing because that's what Don asked them to do. He said he was trying to imitate Joe Walsh doing the song when he was doing air guitar. He said he would have shut up if he had known that he was too loud in it.
Howard played the version of the song that Artie sang along with and then the cleaned up version. Artie said that he was having fun with it. Artie also said that song was really brilliant when you think about it.
Howard had to fast forward through the song to get to Artie's part. Artie didn't think it was awful. Don told them that they were very good. Artie said he thinks they were overreacting and he wasn't that bad.
Howard said that they had the new version where they cut almost all of him out. He played that one and let the whole song play through instead of fast forwarding through it. Artie is still in the song but they cut out a good portion of his singing.
Howard said he loved that. He said the song was great to watch and he always thought you needed two guys to play it but he did it all alone. Fred said that some of the guitar playing was on the tape. He doesn't fault him for that because he did play the double to the tape. Howard said it was a lot of fun to see that. Artie said that Don has changed since those days when he had the hippie thing going on. He looked more like a CEO when he came in there.
Howard said that he heard that Don's book went up pretty high on the Amazon.com best seller list after he did the show. Gary wasn't sure what number it shot up to but it went up pretty high.
Howard read some feedback about Don Felder. One guy said he almost jizzed himself hearing that song. There were some others who loved the interview. One person said that they have heard stories about Don Henley being a rude asshole when he goes out to eat.
Artie said that he didn't make it to the Eagles show down at the Borgata over the weekend. He said he heard that it was a great show though.
Ralph called in and said he likes the version of that song where Artie ruins it. He said that he thinks that they should raise his voice even higher in that song.
Howard said that he was reading a book about The Munsters over the weekend. He said he learned that the Munsters had a bunch of pets. They had Spot the dragon that lived under the steps. They also had a raven that popped out of their clock. He asked the guys if they knew that bird's name. No one knew so Howard told them that it was Charlie the Raven. Howard said that the voice of the bird was actually Mel Blanc. Artie guessed at that one and got it right.
Howard said the book had a lot of interesting facts about the people in the show. He said that he should really give the guy a plug for the book.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Artie has been talking too much since he got back from Afghanistan. She also got in a plug for her show that's coming on tonight at 7 on Howard 101. Artie told her that there's not a chance in hell he's going to listen to that. Mariann said that she wanted to talk to Scott Greenstein on her show and she'd like to know what's going to happen over the next 5 years. Artie said that her questions sound like the dumbest ones ever.
Artie said that he kind of likes Mariann in a weird way but her questions are just dumb. Mariann said that she wants to try and break out with this show of hers and she'd like some help there. Mariann said that she will be live tonight on Howard 101. Howard said that she kept hocking him for a show so he finally gave her one and now she's just going to take phone calls. Artie said that he doesn't think that the fans are going to be calling her.
Howard said that he had a lot of stuff to play. They also have a guest coming in later who went to jail for 30 years for something that he didn't do.
Howard said that Jimmy Fallon has announced that he's going to be taking over for Conan O'Brien when he leaves NBC. In the mean time Jimmy is going to be practicing his show on the web. Howard said that he would like to tell Jimmy not to do that because it's going to ruin the show if he does. Howard said that Jimmy is going to do that for 6 months and if it sucks, NBC might have second thoughts about it and may just cancel him before he starts.
Howard said that you don't put the rehearsals on the air. Robin said that she thinks that Jimmy is ready to do a show and he's going to put it on the internet. Artie said that it may not look professional and it won't come off very well.
Jon Hein came in and said that he saw an article about that and Jimmy is just going to be doing sketches and not interviews and stuff. He said it would just be elements of the show and not the full show. Howard said that might be okay.
Crazy Alice called in and said that she wanted to say hello to everyone since she hasn't called in a lot lately. She said hello to Fred and then Artie. She said that Artie scared the shit out of her by going over to Afghanistan.
Alice was also saying that she wants to go to Richard's parents house for the Wack Pack Thanksgiving. Howard didn't know what she was talking about at first. He quickly mentioned that Howard TV had filmed the new Beat the Booey series.
Alice said that she's got a guy that she's been dating lately too. The guys sounded surprised when they heard that. Alice said that she's kind of like Artie when it comes to relationships. She said that she's attracted to white guys and lets them get into her pussy or something like that. Howard let her go a short time later.
Robin said that Riley makes it sound like he dropped everything to do this one hour a week show. She said that he must have been doing something before he started doing that show.
Howard played another clip where Riley went off on an e-mailer for going off on him about treating Howard the way he does. Riley's partner, Eron, read him the e-mail and then Riley got all worked up and went off on SIRIUS for not paying him enough. He was saying that he'd like to be paid the amount that Howard spends on his hair and he'd be happy. That made Artie laugh and suggest that Howard actually pay him what he spends on his hair because it's probably less than he's being paid now.
Howard played the prank call the guys made using Riley clips where he just says hello to a bunch of different names and confuses the guy he's calling. Artie said that he has to have that call on CD and he has to listen to it every day.
Howard said that he thought they had a new one from the guys this morning but couldn't remember. Artie said that they did play that ''parting the hairs'' prank call but that was an older one.
Howard said that the guy who was supposed to be coming this morning wasn't there and he might have to call it off if he shows up. Gary said he's thinking that he may not show up today.
A caller asked if they ever learned if Eric the Midget ever lost his virginity. Howard said he thinks that he's still a virgin.
Howard said that Richard Christy ended up getting a massage and he sent him pictures of something weird. He said that he was asked to get his penis moulded and some dude was doing the mould and it was really creepy. Howard said that Richard has to be gay because he was hard in the mould. Richard said he was soft when he had that done.
Richard said that maybe he chubbed up a little bit because he was afraid it was going to look small. He said that the guy wasn't doing the rubbing on it either, he was doing most of it. He said he was doing the guy a favor and didn't plan to have a guy making a mould of his penis.
Richard said that he went to get a massage too and the guy kept hitting his balls. He thinks it was by accident but Howard told him that it's gay stuff and he just doesn't realize it. Howard said they should make a movie about him called the ''Accidental Homosexual.''
Howard heard that Richard drank 3 bottles of Champagne last Thursday night. Richard said that he did but that's not that much for him. He said he can handle a lot more than that.
Ralph called in and said that Richard must have been really excited because that stuff they moulded him with is ice cold. He said that it's not warm like Richard said. Richard said that he didn't want to look small so he just chubbed it up a little bit.
Benjy said that the reason they did that mould was to make sure that when the fans saw it, they'd recognize it as being Richard's cock since ti's been on Howard TV so much.
Dominic said that he had a storm blow through at his house out on Shelter Island so he had to go up on the roof. He said that he went up on the roof to check something out and he ended up falling through the roof. He said that he hurt his knee pretty bad. Artie said that he once put his foot through an attic floor into the ceiling below but he didn't fall through.
Howard asked Dominic what happened on his roof. Dominic said that he was crawling on the roof and heard some creaking. Then he fell through the roof but got stuck half way through. He said that he was stuck for about 10 minutes and a bunch of people saw him stuck and told him to get down from there. Dominic said that it was hysterical. He said he never fell all the way through the roof.
Artie asked why he would go up there because he's got money and he's 63 years old. Dominic said he was just inspecting the roof for damage because he had just had it redone recently.
Howard thanked Dominic for the story and then Artie told another story about working on some roof out in Bedminster, New Jersey. He said that the doctor that owned the place asked them to be careful in the attic working to do the antenna wires up there. Artie said he did his thing in the attic and then had to connect the wall plate up there. The owner went up there to inspect their work and fell through the attic floor and stepped through the ceiling himself after he had asked them to be careful. Artie said he held his tongue but wanted to say something to the guy because he was so cocky. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back singing along with the song a little bit. He said he knew the words to the song actually. He sang some of that for Robin and said he loves that song. Robin said she didn't know it that well. Howard wondered if the song was dirtier than he thought it was.
Howard read a story about a county commissioner's meeting in some town in Texas. He said that one guy was arguing about how the speeding tickets was turning into a ''black hole'' and one of the guys said that was a racist term. They argued that it wasn't because it was a scientific term. Howard had some audio of the meeting and of this black guy arguing about it being a racist term.
Howard said that a black hole is a star that has collapsed upon itself and it's not a racist term. The guy in the meeting asked for an apology after hearing the ''black hole'' reference. Howard played the audio of the meeting and then the black guy who demanded the apology. The guy said that the scientists could have called it a ''white hole'' and didn't understand why everything black is negative.
Howard said that this is fuckin' absurd that this guy is arguing that black hole is a racist term. He had some other audio where another guy claims that he has been called a ''black hole'' his whole life and that's why he doesn't like the term. The guy was wondering why they call it a black hole and if the scientists who named it that were white. The guy suggested that they rename it a white hole. Howard asked why a black tie event is a very fancy event.
Steve said that they have released a new report on why Kenneth Keith Kallenbach died and they're saying that it was natural causes. He said that they're still looking into it to find out why so many people have died in custody at that jail that Ken was being held at.
Steve said they have a story about a protest that Jason went to and asked the cops why they were pushing these people around when they were being peaceful. Howard said he saw that tape and it looked pretty strange the way things were going on.
Howard said that their news director, Brad Driver, got engaged over the weekend. He said that the headline for that story could be ''Brad Driver likes girls'' or something. Artie said that he could have made a joke there but it could cause some trouble. He kept his mouth shut.
Robin asked Howard if he's going to go to Brad Driver's wedding. Howard said that he's not inviting Brad to his so he probably won't be invited to his. That led to Howard saying that he was going to invite about 200 people to his wedding but they just found out they can only have 150 at this place they're at. Artie told Howard that he could help out by letting him off the hook by only giving him one invitation. Howard thanked him for that because it really would help.
Howard said that he has to cut his list down a bit and he has people like Jon Hein on the list. He said that he has JD on the list but not Sal. He said that Sal isn't invited. Artie said that Sal was at his place and he did behave himself there. He had his wife with him though. Howard said that Beth made up with Sal but he burned her again so she doesn't want him there. Howard said that he does feel bad because he does like Sal. He said that Richard is on the list though.
Howard said that he was going to cut the list down by just inviting Robin, Gary, Fred and Artie. Then he had to expand it a little bit but then it leads to inviting everyone. He said that he has to invite Doug Goodstein, Scott DePace, Mike Gange and a bunch of others. He said that then he had the whole Bubba issue and he'd have to invite Bubba and then Ferrall and then Brent and the rest of the crew. He said that Bubba is in and Tim is in.
Howard said that Bubba gets paranoid down there and thinks that he doesn't like him so he has to invite him. He said that he invited Bubba and Brent but now he's got no room at the wedding. Now he's got to put Ferrall on the list.
Gary said that there's no Howard 100 News invited. Howard said that he can't have them because he's already got too many. Gary said he noticed that Howard is inviting a lot of guests that they have on the show.
Gary said that he got a call from Dominic Barbara back when he was having his wedding because he didn't get an invitation. Gary said he wasn't really that close with him and didn't invite him but after he got the call he figured he had to invite him.
Howard said that this isn't going to be that exciting and no one is missing out on anything. He said that he thinks that people think they're going to be naked at the party or something.
The guys talked about Gary's wedding and how interesting that was when Richard Simmons came. Gary said that he could hear Richard sobbing during the ceremony. Howard said it was like Richard was losing Gary to Mary during that wedding.
Howard said that he and Beth were working to raise some money for this charity out in the Hamptons. He said that they were helping this guy out with the event and he and his wife were asking questions about the wedding and it was question after question. He said he eventually had to say that he was done being interviewed. Then another guy came up to him and did something similar.
Howard was busy talking to his friend Ross and this guy kept following him around. Then he interrupted the conversation and told him he was being mean to him. The guy hounded him for a picture but he told the guy that he couldn't do it right then. Howard said the guy went around and told people that he was being mean to him. He eventually took the picture and the guy started talking to him again. Howard said he wanted to go talk to other people and the guy started telling more people that he was being mean to him. Howard said that people are nuts and he's not sure what they expect of him.
Robin said that she and Jim were in an elevator one time and six guys got into the elevator. One guy asked her for a hug and said that it was his bachelor party. She figured that they'd go away if she did that real quick. The guy ended up nuzzling his face into her neck and started switching positions. She said that the another guy started screaming Artie's name for no reason because he wasn't even there. Robin said that she threw up her hands and didn't know what to do. Jim told the guy to chill and he dropped it. She said that Jim told her that things could have gotten really ugly there.
Ralph called in and said that Gary was telling that story about staying at Dominic's house when he wasn't that close to him and he's always going off on him for staying at Sam Simon or John Stamos' house. Gary said he went to Dominic's house once and didn't stay there for weeks like Ralph has done. Ralph said that he's close with Sam and John so that's why he stays there.
Gary said that Ralph is a barnacle and he's not. He asked Ralph how many weeks he's stayed at Howard's house. Ralph said he didn't know, he'd have to check his chart. Ralph told Gary that he sounds jealous. Gary said that he's just telling the facts.
Gary said that the next time he needs an Iron Man standee he should call someone else. Ralph said he needs a Batman standee now. Gary told him that it's going to have a penis in it's mouth.
Howard said that things got worse and they started name calling. He played a couple of clips from that show to show just how bad it got. Gary said that it got really uncomfortable and he wanted to walk away from the whole thing. Gary said that Sal ended up taking his headphones off and said ''fuck you'' and ran out. Howard played that clip where Sal and Jason were talking about whether or not they had problems with each other.
Gary told Howard that they only ended it because they have no control over when that show ends. Howard said that it's best that it ended when it did. Gary said that Sal was shaking when he eventually came back into the building. Howard said that Sal was the one who started it with the horrible stuff about Jason.
Sal came in and put all the blame on the fight on Jason. Howard said that it was Sal who started it and he seems to expect Jason to take all of his shit. Sal said that Jason started the whole thing and he was just fighting back.
Sal told Howard that Jason went to the comments that were below the belt. Howard said that it was Sal who started it but Sal said it was after Jason brought up the wife. Howard insisted that it was Sal shitting on Jason about the process that started it.
Howard replayed the clip where Sal called Jason a ''selfish, air whore, weasel'' and attacked him. Sal said that he did that but he was staying in the conversation that they were having. Sal refused to take blame for it because he thinks that Jason started it by talking about him the way he did by telling a lie about something he didn't actually say.
Howard said that Sal should have called Jason out on the lie but he shouldn't have attacked him personally. Howard then read that Sal cried after the fight. Sal said that Jason did get to him and he did get upset about it. Sal said that he's always the whipping boy and Howard has to accentuate what he does to stomp on him the way he does.
Howard said he was trying to tell Sal something to help him out but he wasn't listening. He insisted that Sal was attacking Jason personally first. Sal said he's seeing it that way but that's not the way he sees it. Fred interrupted and said that Jon Hein may have started it because he was saying that he had to believe what Jason said about Sal even though he didn't hear what Sal actually said. Sal said that he couldn't attack Jon because Jon doesn't drive him home.
Howard said that he wanted to move along. He said he doesn't give a shit and cut everyone's microphones off. He had Jon get to his Wrap Up Show preview after that. Jon ran through the list of things they were going to cover today.
Robin read some news about other things like Britney Spears going to a charity event held by Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey. That led to Artie getting all worked up over how annoying Jenny McCarthy is. He went off on her for a minute.
Robin had some guests in the studio so Howard said hello to them. She had some people that she's known for a long time now in there. It was Tom and Laura who were old neighbors of her's. Howard said that Laura was pretty hot and talked to her for a short time. He didn't spend as much time with Tom. He did find out that Tom got a 1570 on his SAT test. Howard told Laura that she should latch onto this guy as soon as she can. He said that he sounds like a smart dude who is going to make good money.
Howard heard that Tom tried to kiss Laura in the green room and she pulled away. She said that she's not into public displays of affection. She said there was another guy in the room at the time.
Howard spent a few minutes asking Laura questions about her family and her love life. He said that it must have been exciting to have been Robin's neighbor. Robin said that Laura actually wrote a paper about her one time. Laura said that she had to give a presentation in Italian and she did that on Robin. Howard said that she sounds like a very bright and intelligent girl.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin read some stuff about the guy who was in the radio hall of fame discussion that they had this morning. She said that the guy is going to be backing Barack Obama. She had another story about Japanese people committing suicide by creating a poisonous gas that can kill them and others around them.
Howard asked Laura if she thinks that Robin is in love with Jim Florentine. She said that she thinks that it could go there but she's not sure. Howard asked if she ever met Mr. X. Laura said that she never did. Robin said that's because Mr. Ex was a recluse. Howard asked Laura if she ever saw Robin getting together with her witches coven. Laura didn't see that either.
Howard asked Robin why Laura isn't in Girls night Out. Robin said that she wants to be. She said that she can be in it if she wants.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about how the FCC fine against CBS for Janet Jackson's breast popping out has been thrown out by a judge. Robin read a story about nudists who are renting out restaurants so they can be naked while they eat. Howard said he thinks that's disgusting and he doesn't get why anyone would want to eat nude. He said the worst part is that these nudists usually don't have good bodies.
Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about the nudist thing and how disgusting it can be. They talked about nude yoga and stuff like that.
Howard asked this guy Tom about hedge funds and what that's all about. Tom talked about that a little bit and how he makes money from what he does. That led to Howard talking about how smart this guy is and how he must see the world on a whole other level than he does.
Robin got back to her news and said that Yusuf Islam, formerly Cat Stevens, is now 60 years old. Howard sang some of his stuff and then Robin told him he could stop because she had clips of him actually singing. They went through that quickly. Robin said that she
Robin read some news about Ron Wood from the Rolling Stones breaking up with his wife of 29 years. He ended up falling off the wagon and went out with a 19 year old Russian waitress. That led to the wife finding out and assuming that he was sleeping with her and left him.
Robin had a story about Barry Manilow and how people think that he may be sick. That led to Fred playing Henry Hill's coughing clip that made everyone sick.
Robin said that they're bringing back Beverly Hills 90210 as just ''90210'' on the CW network. Shannon Dougherty is returning to the series. Howard said that he loved the show when it was on but he's not going to get involved with the new one. He said he was into the original, but not this one.
Robin read another story about a guy who died while doing a triathalon and they're not sure what caused it. They were saying that it could be a jellyfish bite that got him. Robin read another story about a woman who cut a baby out of another woman's womb which killed her. She stole the baby and it's fine now. Howard said that she probably would have made a good mother. Fred played some clips of Wendy the Retard doing her Freddy Kruger impression while they were talking about that.
Robin read some news about Barack Obama and John McCain. She played some audio of Barack talking about Afghanistan and how the job wasn't finished over there.
Robin read that Richard Roeper is going to be leaving Ebert and Roeper and retiring from the show after failing to come to an agreement with his contract.
Robin read through a few other stories and Howard ended up doing his Gammoreon Guard-guy impression and goofed on him for a short time. He did that impression and his Darth Nihilus impression for a few minutes while Robin read through some other stories. Robin read a story about the new X-Files movie, Bill Murray parachuting for a special event and then wrapped up her news. Howard ended the show at 11am.
Jon started the guys off talking about Dominic Barbara falling through his roof and the argument that Gary and Ralph had about being users. Gary said that Ralph is in the user hall of fame and he can't compare himself to him. Gary said that he doesn't even deserve to be on the ballot for that.
JD said that he doesn't see Gary as moochie as Ralph is. He said that he doesn't see it as being the same thing as what Ralph does. Gary did that just once. Gary said that he didn't move in with Dominic, he just used a house that Dominic wasn't using at the time.
Jon asked Ralph to call in and clarify some of this stuff. Gary said that Sam was irritated by Ralph when he stayed too long and was kind of an abusive house guest.
Jon went to the phones and took a call from a woman who said that Howard's show is so much better than these shows that are on terrestrial radio. She said that she has to credit Gary with a lot of that. Gary said that they have a great team there now and they're all doing a great job. He said they all get along pretty well for the most part. The woman said that she's impressed how they remember stuff and are able to come up with it so quick.
Gary said that their new system they have there is amazing too. They used to have to look stuff up and then run back to Howard's office to pull it and it would take forever. That's much easier now.
Gary said that Jason does take some grief and people goof on him all the time. The caller said that he cringes when Gary gets goofed on and Jason really doesn't take that much of it on the air. He said that if he worked there he'd probably go off on him all the time. He said he wished that he never had to hear Jason's voice again.
Gary said that he gets accused of defending Jason all the time and he's not sure why that is. He said that Jason did something on Friday when they were taping Beat the Booey and sometimes they just let things go with him. Gary said that Jason is the kind of guy who was stuffed in a locker so they might just let him off the hook on certain things.
Jon said that Jason took a lot of shit about his mother on the air. Jason came in a short time later and the caller bailed as soon as he heard his voice. He said he was done and out. Gary said that Jason likes to fuck back with people and he finds that interesting. Jon said that Jason does come off as being Gary's boy so that's why they get upset about it.
Gary said that he likes Jason as a guy and he's a good employee. Jason said that he doesn't act differently because he thinks Gary has his back. He said that his personality comes out because he takes Lexipro and that allows him to just say fuck you and not just sit there and take it.
Jason said that people get upset about things he does and only when it's him. He said that he and Gary had a beef with something on Friday and when Gary said it, it was one thing. Then when he said it, it was another.
Jon said that he thinks that if Sal had gotten into a fight with other people there, he would have handled it the same way as he did with Jason. Gary said that he might have but he wouldn't have verbalized it as much as he did.
Benjy said that he doesn't think that Artie talks too much but his rhythm has changed a lot lately. He said that he's completely expanding in a whole different way. He said that Artie is much more talkative lately. He said that he's expounding on everything.
Jon asked the guys if they've noticed that. Gary said that Artie is being part of the show lately but Howard can control that. He'll put his hand up if he wants someone to stop with a story. He said that if he wanted Artie not to talk, he'd put his hand up.
Benjy said that Artie does push to interject stuff more these days. Jason said that he's not crowbarring it into the show though. Benjy still thinks there's a huge difference there and there is something going on.
The caller said that she doesn't hate when Ralph calls in but she can get irritated once in a while. She also said that she thinks that Mark Consuelos is Beth's emotional friend.
Jon moved along to talk about Howard's wedding and how surprised he was that he was invited. Gary said he's psyched that they're going to be invited. Jason said that it was awesome that Howard is inviting them. Scott the Engineer even made the list.
Jon said that it's Sal's worst nightmare because just about everyone else is invited to the wedding and he's not. Gary said that Sal made his own bed and he's got to lie in it. Benjy thinks that Sal is going to get an invitation.
Gary said that he asked Howard if Sal really wasn't going to be invited and he gave him a ''noooo!'' Benjy said that he still thinks that he will be invited and bet Gary $100 that he would. Jon wanted a piece of that action but Benjy said he can't take that many bets and stuck with just the one.
Gary asked the guys who they think should have been invited that wasn't. Jason brought up Tracy, their office manager. Gary said he's not sure if she's invited. Jason wasn't sure either.
Jason was saying that he has a list that's too big for his wedding and he's actually banking on some people either dying or being disabled to the point that they won't be able to make it. He said that he told his mother that he can't have this many people and she told him that some of them may not even be around by the time the wedding comes around. He said he has to hope that they can't make it because he doesn't have the room for them.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Howard isn't going to invite Sal to the wedding right now because he would have time to plan something goofy to do there. Gary said that he thinks that he won't be there at all no matter what.
The caller was also saying that he gets treated kind of like a pussy when he's at work and people have this perception about him that he's a pussy. He said that he never had a problem getting chicks though. Jason said that he admits that he's a pussy compared to the guys there. He said that he's not athletic and he knows he comes off obnoxious sometimes. He said that guys just don't like him and they goof on him all the time. He said that other people get away with stuff that he can't get away with there either. The guys spent another minute on that and then went to break.
The next caller said that he's actually hanging from a telephone pole as he speaks. He said that he thinks that Gary dropped the ball and didn't get them on. Gary said that they weren't even pitched to him so he can't just get them on.
Jon said that he's wanted to get them on the show. Richard said he's a huge fan of the band and he'd love to get them on. He said that he and Jon would probably do a gay act to get them on. Jon said he absolutely wouldn't do anything gay to get them on.
The guys ended up talking about the band and what they knew about them. Richard said that they gave a tour to Neal Peart one time and he and Jon were salivating that day.
Jon changed subjects to the plaster cast of Richard's penis and how he seemed to be semi-erect in that cast. Richard said that he was just trying to look kind of big and he may have been chubbing up a little bit.
Jon asked about the male masseuse too. Richard said that he prefers a woman but there was only a guy available at the time. The guy spent a lot of time on his buttock area. He said that the was jamming his elbow into his ass for about 10 minutes. He was saying that he also jammed his boxer shorts into the crack of his ass like a thong.
Richard said the masseuse was creeping toward his butt hole and that was weird but then he got up behind him as if he was mounting him so he could elbow his back. He said this guy had his own technique and it was unlike anything that the women do.
Richard said he was laughing as the guy was doing that stuff. He said it was kind of strange and he doesn't think the guy was getting off on it or anything like that. He thinks that the guy just does it as a doctor would do his job.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the guarantees that Richard is a ''stone queer'' after hearing that story. He said that he's sick of hearing these gay stories. Another caller asked Richard why he did a gay act to get invited to Howard's wedding and now everyone is getting invited. Richard said he doesn't care and he doesn't mind doing that stuff for the good of the show.
Another caller asked Richard about his massage and if he's ever had a woman mount him the way the guy did. Richard said he doesn't remember them doing that but he's not sure. Gary told him that he would remember it if he had.
Another caller asked the guys if they think that Howard would talk to Ralph if he moved to California and away from Howard. Gary said he thinks that Howard likes Ralph and he would stay in touch. The caller said that he thinks of Ralph as a 7/8ths version of Howard that follows him around.
Jon took another call from a woman who asked if Lisa G has been invited to the wedding. Gary said she hasn't as a guest but he's not sure if she will be eventually. Gary thinks that Artie should work that and try to bring Lisa to the wedding himself. Jon reminded Gary that Artie gave up that +1 today. Gary said that he could get that back if he asked Howard for it.
Jon took some more calls and one guy asked what happened to Darryl Strawberry not showing up. Gary said that he apparently changed his mind about coming on after they booked him.
Another caller asked Richard if he had ever been jerked off by a massage chick before. Richard said that's never happened before. Benjy told Richard that if he had initiated it that guy probably would have finished him off. Richard said that he didn't want to do that.
Jon said that they had a special guest in the studio today. It was Hanzi from Ontario. Gary let him say a quick hello. Hanzi said that he was hoping for more fighting on the Wrap Up Show today. He said that he doesn't have a job but he was able to get a few bucks together to fly down there today. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about Mariann from Brooklyn's radio show that was on last night. He didn't get to listen to the whole thing but he heard clips of it. He said that she's been hocking him for a show for a couple of years now so they finally gave her the shot.
Howard said that Jason told him that she had no plan other than to take phone calls. Howard said Tim Sabean went running into the studio when Mariann came in and used the term ''quarter hour sweep'' and Mariann didn't have any idea what he was talking about. He said that he had to remind Tim that it's Mariann from Brooklyn and this is satellite radio so he shouldn't have to worry about what she does. Artie said it would be funny if she picked up a broom and started sweeping every quarter hour.
Howard said that they were telling her all of this stuff 5 minutes before she went on the air. Artie did his impression of Mariann and what it may have sounded like last night. Howard said that Mariann's voice sounds like the old days when he'd hit the delay and their voices would sound like they were under water. Artie did some more of her impression and it was pretty harsh. Howard said that Mariann got the title of Mother of the Wack Pack but he's not sure where that even came from.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that her voice was brutal even though she seems like a nice person. That got Artie doing more of his impression and going off on that guy. The caller said that he really couldn't take the show but he did give it a shot. Howard played some of the audio from her show a short time later.
In the first clip Mariann was talking about how it took her 4 long years to get there. That led to the guys talking about how they've only been at SIRIUS for 2 and a half years but that is half way through their contract. Artie said that he's had a lot of fun there in that time. Howard said that's odd because he's quit like 7 times now.
Artie said that if Howard made this show in the afternoon then he'd sign on for the rest of his life. Howard said that Artie could just sleep through the show like he's done.
Howard said that Artie had made the mistake of calking his flak jacket a ''flap jacket'' and a listener photoshopped Artie to have a pancake jacket on. Artie said that is the greatest jacket ever and it's making him hungry. Howard said you can see that picture at HowardStern.com.
Artie said that he's been having the greatest time ever there and he should be talking to James Gandolfini in the next few days and he had Graig Nettles at his comedy show the other night.
Howard got back to Mariann and played some of her taking phone calls. One guy asked her to sing so she sang a little bit to the guy and then hung up on him. Tabitha Stevens called into the show so Howard played that clip. Tabitha told her about the latest porn movie that she shot. Mariann spent a minute with her and Tabitha had some kind of new fake laugh that Howard picked up on. Artie figured that she hasn't been able to get on Howard's show so she's calling Mariann.
Howard took a call from a guy who was doing an impression of Mariann and it was so good that it had Howard fooled for a second. The guy's regular voice was nothing like that and the impression was amazing. He does Mark the Bagger as well. Artie said that it's kind of the same pitch as Mariann's.
Howard took a call from Mariann who said she knew she was going to make Artie's morning. She said that she's going to keep hocking Howard for the next 4 years to get another show. She said that she walked in and Tim was telling her to keep the calls under 2 minutes so she was cutting people off pretty quick.
Mariann asked if anyone liked her show at all. Howard said that there were some people who did like her. Howard let her go on for a minute while the caller doing the impression did it right back to her. Howard said that guy Eric was doing a good job but Mariann was so loud that they could barely hear him.
Artie said that he thinks that both of them have tremendous feelings for each other and that's why that kind of thing will happen. Howard said that most women would not be knocking on your door after 3 years of being broken up. Artie said that Dana is a very thoughtful person. He said that he always wanted a nice Italian girl who wasn't in the business and he found that in Dana. He said that she's a teacher working in an awful area and she's an amazing person.
Artie said that Dana was able to get up to his apartment because she knew the door man there. Howard said that no one should be allowed up without letting him know. Artie said that he knows that but Dana knows the guy. Howard said that's no excuse though. Artie said that Dana even came up with a friend that night. He said that Dana thought that something was going on that night so she was checking his apartment. He said that it's like an odysseys with them and they have to work on things if they want to get back together.
Howard said that his theory is that Dana doesn't like when Artie is out banging chicks and she keeps coming back into his life when she hears about it. Robin asked if Dana has had sex in 3 years. Artie said he doesn't want to think about that. He said he doesn't want to hear about it either. Howard said that she has to be doing that.
Artie said that he has a girl in his life right now that he loves. Howard asked if he loves this girl. Artie said he didn't mean it that way. He said that he really likes this chick and he'd like to go to the next level with her. Artie said he doesn't want to get his heart broken though so he's not sure if he can go there. Howard said that he just took all of that back after he pointed that out.
Artie said that he met this chick at a gig and she's a local girl. He said he's had his heart broken before and that's the worst thing to go through. He said that he doesn't want to go through that again so he has to be careful.
Artie said that he hasn't even made out with this broad yet. He said that he's going to ask her to come down to his place at the Jersey shore and she's talking about bringing some friends with her. He said that he's going to let her do that even though he'd prefer that she not bring them. He said it may turn into nothing.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard about his contract coming up in a couple of years and if he's going to keep the show going. Howard said he's not sure he wants to keep it going.
King of All Blacks called in and said that he thinks that when you're in a relationship with a woman you should keep lying to keep her interested. He said that's what Artie should have been doing to keep Dana interested.
Bobo read that they're going to be adopting more dogs. Howard said that Beth isn't even sure if she's going to be taking the Stern last name. She's saying that she's put in 34 years with that Ostrosky name and she may just keep it. She was talking about making it Beth O Stern or something like that. She's going to make it sound like an Irish name.
Howard said that Beth wondered if he wanted her to take his name. He said that's kind of what people do when they get married. Artie said that this new politically correct time is getting out of hand. He said that when you marry a woman she takes your name. He said that the only reason would be if she had a show business career where she needed to keep the name. He said that it might be old fashioned but you should take the man's last name. Howard said it's really no big deal to him though.
Howard said that he would like Beth to take the same name but he's not going to insist on it. He said that he'd like to have her as Beth Stern when he introduces her but he's not going to get upset if she doesn't take it. Artie said that you don't want any resentment though.
Howard said that if he had a woman come up to him saying she wants to fuck him, he could say that there is no Mrs. Stern if Beth doesn't take his name. Robin said that there are people who hyphenate their names. Howard said that this bores him and he doesn't care what she does.
Bobo asked about the wedding and what's going to happen with that. Howard said that they are just having a party with friends but Beth will be walking down an aisle as if they're getting married.
Bobo said that he called in about a month ago and suggested that they install a schvoogie buzzer in Gary's office. Howard had to explain the story behind that and said that Gary worked in a store where they had this buzzer that would alert the other employees when black people would come into the store. Howard said that they'd alert Gary to when black people would come in so he could tail them and make sure they didn't steal anything.
Gary said that sometimes they'd just buzz that thing when people would be walking through the store. If they stopped to even look at anything that buzzer would go off.
Gary said that he was a stock boy there at the store and he worked with a black girl who would just get freaked out when the buzzer would go off. He said her whole body would change when that buzzer would go off.
Howard asked Gary some questions about the buzzer and asked if they ever told him it was for the black people. Gary said that they never said it was, they just said that it was to make sure they kept an eye on people to make sure they weren't shoplifting. Gary also said that Ronnie was the one who named it the Schvoogie buzzer.
Artie said that he knew a gym teacher who had a had a bat in his car that he called his ''Nig*er-be-good-stick'' that he carried around. Gary said that he knew that stick as just the N-word stick.
Howard said that he saw a picture in the paper today where Britney Spears' kid is carrying her cigarettes and lighter for her.
Artie said that he remembers that show where Stuttering John came in and called some fireworks ''nig*er chasers.'' That led to the guys talking about how John thought that wasn't a racist thing to say. They goofed on John about that for a short time.
Artie told another story about some guys he used to know who were cops. They used to go round for round giving racist names for black people. He said he thinks they got to about 80 names. Howard said that he would run out of names pretty quickly but Sal would be able to name a bunch.
Sal came in and said that he's heard the term ''nig*er be good stick'' before. He said it could be a bat or even a tire iron. Howard told Sal he wants to hear this racist name game that Artie was talking about. Sal was ready to go with all of those names. Artie played along with him. Howard gave it a try.
Sal started the game off with Jigaboo. Artie threw in a couple and then Howard tried it out too. Here are some of the names they were using. Nig*er, jungle bunny, schvoogie, coon, spook, darkie, spade, moulinion, tsetsoon, schwarze, porch monkey... Howard said he thought he was out at that point. He couldn't come up with anything else. Artie told him that he was missing a really obvious one.
Sal said that Artie had just written down a bunch and that wasn't fair. Artie used Spear chucker, then Sal gave him some more and went back and forth with Artie for a couple more.
Sal was out after about 11. Artie said he had about 3 more himself. Sal tried to come up with some more so he threw out Rasinettes. Howard told him he was out after that one. Artie said that he had Brillohead and some other things that were versions of the other words that they have used.
Artie said that spoon is one as well. That led to Howard singing the song from the play Hair where they give the racist names. He asked Fred to look that up and play the song if he could find it. Artie gave them a few more that he had on his list. He had ''Dugan'' which no one had heard before. Gary had never heard it either.
Howard had a list from the internet of the names that they didn't use. He read through some of those. Sal asked if Uncle Tom would be racist. Artie told him of course it is.
Bobo asked Howard if he's going to have the buzzer installed in Gary's office or not. Howard asked why they would do that. Bobo said that they could do it to let Gary buzz in when the guests are there. It didn't sound like Howard was interested in doing that. He let Bobo go a short time later.
A woman called in and gave them some more. She said that they had reggin which is the N-word backwards. She also said that they call them ''roids'' which was short for negroids. She worked at a police station so those are the things that she heard there.
Howard said they had Lawn Jockey, Eggplant, mamma jamma, shine and a few others. Sal said he's got a friend he'd like to bring in to talk about some of the stories he's heard. Artie said that he wants to bring in his bad cop friend before Sal brings that guy in.
Howard let Sal go a short time later. He said that they should do the names for gays next. He and Artie then went at it alternating between names like fag, pillow biter, cocksucker, homo, queer, shit pusher, ass goblin, butt pirate, butt fucker, bone smuggler, knob gobbler, fairy and more. Robin threw in queen and Fred threw in cum guzzler.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was a classic game there. Howard asked if there was any gay haters there that could take on Artie with the gay names. Artie said that some of those were funny and he's heard a lot of them on Howard's show over the years.
Howard had a caller on the line who asked if he'd let Beth bang a listener before the wedding. Howard sand Artie thought the guy was nuts and ignored the dopey question.
Sal came back in and rattled off some terms for gay guys. He had a bunch that Artie and Howard had forgotten about.
The caller told Howard that he was like his teacher after he dropped out of high school. Howard didn't seem to care and kept rattling off the gay names. The caller got back to the question about Beth banging a listener. Howard hung up on him a short time later.
Cyrus called in next and said that game they just played was a great way to learn all the names that people call him behind his back. Artie said that he has a friend in the business who will wear a black jacket to a club and if you ask him how things are going in a certain area, he'll just point to the jacket to show that it's a black area.
Artie said that he had a friend who had a really religious family and he was over at their house one day. They used to make him bless himself when he left and he was halfway through the sign of the cross thing when he heard the kid's father yell out the N-word while he was watching a basketball game.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that both Sal and Artie are racists and they're just trying to cover it up when they say they're not. Then he said that he really doesn't' think that any of them are really racist and he gets why they were doing what they just did. Howard said that he had to take a break but he had a lot more to get to today. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Wendy Williams has her own TV talk show now and she had that Omarosa chick on from The Apprentice. Artie said that he hates that broad. He said that she has overstayed her 15 minutes of fame. Howard said that she's managed to stay in the spotlight though.
Howard said that the Wendy Williams show was pretty crazy from what he heard. He said that it made it into the paper when Wendy and Omarosa got into a verbal fight. He had some clips from that show to play. In the first clip Omarosa said that she wasn't going to be disrespected on her show. The two of them ended up pulling on the book because Omarosa wanted to hold it up herself.
In another clip Wendy was saying that Omarosa was the typical angry black woman that people find to be stereotypical. Omarosa said that she'd rather be that person than a buffoon. Omarosa said that she doesn't like the way Wendy goes behind her guests backs and talks smack about them.
Wendy asked Omarosa about her dating life now that she's divorced. They got kind of friendly there for a second but then they got into a battle when Wendy asked about Omarosa getting plastic surgery for her mother. Omarosa thought that Wendy had a nose job. Wendy said that she's had some botox and then suggested that Omarosa do something about the lines on her face. Omarosa shot back with a comment about her wig. After Omarosa left Wendy took a few more stabs at her. The audience was behind Wendy of course since it was her show.
Howard said he thinks that Wendy is off to a good start with her show. He said that she had him riveted to the show. He said that anyone fighting makes for a good show. He said that she should have her on the show every day.
Artie said that the audiences for those shows just show how dopey they are because they all cheer and clap for everything and anything.
Howard said he saw that George was on a new game show. He said that it was a show where celebrities were betting on what some of the contestants could do like one guy who hoola hooped with a truck tire. He said that he thinks that they have really helped George's career since they made him the announcer of the show.
Artie said that he thinks that the roast thing has come around again since Howard did them on the show. He said that Howard hasn't invented them or anything but he thinks that they have rejuvenated the whole thing. Artie said that he was invited to the Takei roast but he can't go to that one. He's doing the Bob Saget roast though. He said that they have so many of them now that they're going to run out of jokes. Howard said that's why he's not going to do them anymore.
Lisa got back to her news preview and talked about how Artie and his book people were going over the possible book covers that they can use. The book, Too Fat To Fish, has already sold 2000 pre-sale copies.
Artie said that he didn't like the covers that he saw. He said that they made up 3 covers and he really didn't think any of them were right. He said that he's going to get copies and show them to some more people to get some more opinions.
Lisa said that she spoke to the guy who made the cast of Richard's penis and the guy claims that it wasn't gay at all. He said that he never touched Richard's penis at any point. Howard thanked Lisa for her report and let her go a short time later.
Howard said he was getting nervous for the guy seeing him down there gambling away his money. He's afraid he's going to blow through all of his money now. He said that he gets $41,000 every 3 months and that's good money, but not that hard to blow through pretty quickly.
Howard told Richie to calm down and not blow all of his money. He read a letter that Richie got about the dress code and how he wasn't wearing the right outfit.
Doug said that he wrote a letter every day for over 100 days. They ended up calling him and asked him to stop writing or they'd black list him. Doug said that the tone of their voice was threatening. He said that he sent some of the letters to one of the models who was a cancer survivor herself.
Howard said that they have people like this who write in four times a day and Gary just throws the letters in the garbage. Howard said that Doug is probably an oddball and a nudnik. Doug said that he might be considered one.
Howard asked why they would call him and say that he's going to be black listened when they could just throw the letters in the trash. He doesn't get why they would do that. Doug said that he never even called them, he just wrote letters. He said he would have stopped if they had asked him to.
Howard said he gets that he was trying to get to the show but maybe after 10 letters he'd stop. He said that after 100 it's just out of hand. Doug said that it wasn't that big of a deal for him to write these letters and it only took him 15 minutes a day to do it.
Howard told Doug that he should think about what he did and how much of a waste of time it was. He said that these letters were like 3 pages long too. Doug said that they weren't all like that. Doug said that it's not that big of a sacrifice for him after considering what his friend went through with her cancer.
Howard found out that Doug is a homosexual and he's doing this for a woman. Doug said that she's a good friend of his, that's why he's doing this. Howard told him that he should be busy with his boyfriend and not with this friend. Then they found out that this guy is 46 years old and he's been going out with this guy for 18 years... and he's still writing over 100 letters to Deal or No Deal.
Howard told Doug he's now got 15 minutes a day to do something special. The guy said that they all make sacrifices in their lives. He said that Artie went to Afghanistan and he was doing these letters for his friend. He said that it was the way they handled it that was what got him to contact Howard.
Doug asked Howard to let people know that they should contact NBC if they're upset about the way they handled this. Howard took some calls from some people and asked them what they thought about this guy. One caller said that Howie Mandel should be afraid because this guy sounds like a stalker or something.
Another caller said that Howard kind of justified his behavior by putting him on the air. He suggested that the guy go down and talk to Howie Mandel directly.
Howard told Doug that he has to drop this idea of anyone contacting NBC at all. He said that there is no reason to do that and no one should care about what happened. Doug said he gets that but all NBC had to do was ask him to stop with the letters and he would have. Howard let Doug go a short time later.
Howard said that the local CW news gave Jeff the Drunk a birthday wish a couple of months ago. He said that he was holding that clip for a while now. He said he can't believe they actually did that.
Howard had the Kielbasa Queen coming in to do a Where Are They Now. He said that they also just shot the new game show Beat the Booey for Howard TV and it turned out to be a contest because Gary didn't run away with the game. He said he didn't want to give away the details though.
Howard said he went into a record store to buy a DVD of a movie and the guy said they don't even sell them or even CDs now. He said that they barely had any CDs and no one is buying them anymore. He said that he's never seen an industry destroyed so quickly with this downloading thing. Howard said that Kid Rock did a public service announcement about the downloading thing and he was going to play that. Howard said he kind of feels bad for the record company now because things have been turned upside down.
Howard said that he went to see this new Batman movie and he was told he couldn't bring anyone with him because they're so afraid that people are going to record it and put it out on the web. He said that they put up $100 million to make the movie and they're afraid that people are going to pirate it. If that happens, these huge movies are going to go away.
Howard said that they have guys sitting in the theaters with infra-red head sets to see if anyone is taping the movies. Howard said that these big movies could go away if the pirating keeps up.
Howard said that no one is buying albums and records now and that's why Kid Rock put out this public service announcement. He played the clip where Kid Rock is talking about how rich he is and how he can't bitch about the stealing of his songs. He said that maybe everyone should steal everything if they're going to steal music. He said that Apple and Microsoft are making billions so why not steal their stuff. He suggested they go out and steal cars, gasoline, clothing and more. He said they won't miss it at all, just like the artists aren't missing the money they're not making on those songs.
Howard said that Kid Rock was spot on with that thing and he's so right about it. Artie said that some people aren't going to get that he was being ironic in that clip but he was making an excellent point. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard asked Fred to restart the song and that's when Fred found out it wasn't Led Zeppelin at all, it was a band called Government Mule. Howard said he knew that it wasn't them, the performance didn't sound like them.
Howard listened to the start of the song and said that he used to be able to play the beginning of the song. He said it took all of his concentration to do it though. After hearing the song from the start Howard said that it was pretty cool and not as bad as he thought. Artie said that he was diggin' it. Howard said that he was waiting for a singer to show up in that song.
Artie said that band is a great band live. He said that he's not sure who was singing on that though. Howard said he had never even heard of the band Government Mule.
Howard played a message where Bobo talked about trying to call into the show at 888-9-ASSHOLE and how he had been locked out of the number. He said he got crazy and said he thought that they were blocking him because of Howard TV so he wouldn't say anything about the Booey game.
That was the first call. Bobo called in a second time and said that he called his phone company and they told him he was being blocked from calling the 888 number. He asked Gary to see what he could do to get him unlocked. Bobo said that he wanted it known that he would never say anything about what happened on Beat the Booey.
Howard said that Bobo ran out of time on that call. Fred asked why Bobo didn't call from a different phone if he was being blocked on that one. Howard said he didn't know. He played a third call where Bobo called in and said that there's some kind of conspiracy going on with Howard TV. He thought they were going to block him until September (when the shows air).
Howard said that Artie didn't even sound that paranoid when he went to Delaware when he was getting his heroin. Bobo was asking Gary to look into it for him again and said that maybe they could get him a different number so he could bypass that one. He said that they could out fox Howard TV.
Howard said that he thinks that the glue on Bobo's toupee is getting into his brain. He said that he saw the glue they use and it must be seeping into his head. He said that Scott the Engineer had a toupee for a while and he made him stop wearing it.
Howard said that everyone missed it and they didn't get it on camera or anything. Howard thanked Scott anyway and said that Will had just ruined it for them. Will said that Scott is kind of his buddy there.
Howard asked Will why he didn't invite Scott to his wedding if he's his buddy. Will said that he kind of regrets that.
Artie said that he's going to the wedding and it's in Upstate New York. Will said that it's like 3 hours away. Howard said that's a pain in the ass for people. Will's wedding is also on a Friday so people are going to have to take a day off of work to go. Will said that it hasn't been an issue so far. Howard asked why it was in Saratoga. Will said that was his fiancé's doing, not his.
Will has been dying his sideburns so Howard asked what was going on there. Will said that he wasn't able to grow good side burns so he took the Ronnie approach there.
Howard asked Will about the time of the wedding and what people are going to do to get there if they have a 9-5 job. Will said that they'll have to take half a day or something. He didn't seem to care if they didn't show up.
Howard said that he has to send Will a gift. Artie said that he's going to send him the same as Howard does. Howard said that he a has to get Will a gift and then one for Jason. That led to Will saying that Jason had to take out a $15,000 loan to pay for his wedding. Howard said that if you have to do that you shouldn't have a wedding. He said that they should use that money for a down payment on a house. They have a 18 percent rate on that loan too.
Jason came in and said that he had to come up with the money somehow. His fiancé's parents aren't paying for the wedding. He said that her father is retired now and he gave them $15,000. Jason said that they don't want to know what this wedding is going to cost.
Howard told Jason not to have a wedding. Jason said that he had to take out a loan or go to jail. He said he tried to keep the cost down. Howard told him not to do it because starting out a marriage in the hole isn't right. Jason said that he'll be able to pay it off with the money they get at the wedding. Jason said that he suggested that they just get married at City Hall and buy a house with the money. He was laughed out of the room.
Howard asked Jason how much money his mother pitched in. Jason said she pitched in $15,000. Jason was already up to $45,000 for the wedding and Will said that he didn't even spend that much.
Jason said that Howard is preaching to the choir by telling him all of this stuff. He said that other people are telling him to do it different ways and they won't listen to him. Howard told Jason that he has to be a man and tell them to stop.
Jason said that Howard does stuff for Beth too and he can't be going off on him that way. Howard said that Jason can't afford to do this so he shouldn't be doing it. Howard said that when he got married the first time, he didn't pay a dime. He said that he didn't have any debt from his marriage and his father in law paid for the whole thing. He said that you don't live above your means. Jason said he's right and he has to take responsibility for it himself.
Howard told the guys about how he called his parents and told them about his wedding and the way he was going to do things. Howard said that's what Jason should have done because this is his life and his money.
Howard said that he's going to do Jason a favor and he'll take the pictures at the wedding. He told Jason that he's going to save him a few bucks by doing that. He said that he's taken pictures of Beth that are better than these ''professionals'' that are out there. He said there is only one woman out there that can make him look good. Jason asked if it was Ralph. Howard was done with him at that point because he was being serious.
Will said that Jason is still paying off student loans on top of the wedding stuff. Jason said those are still $34,000. Artie asked Jason why he went to college, he's just typin' now.
Jason said that his fiancé is a nursery school teacher. Howard said that's a nice job but it doesn't pay well. He said that Jason has to go to his future wife and tell her that they can't do this wedding. Jason said that he's with him on all of this but he's not sure he can do that at this point. Howard said that he should cancel the wedding and sell it to someone who can afford it.
Artie said that Jason should be fuckin every hot broad that comes through there and not getting married at all. He said that Jason could be fuckin if he wanted to because he does work on the Howard Stern Show. Howard said that he could be doing that too but he doesn't want to. Maybe Jason doesn't want to be doing that.
Howard said that Jason is going into even more debt and his wife isn't making big money. Jason said that she just about pays to work with the price of gas as high as it is.
Howard said that Jason's wife probably isn't even making $27,000. Jason said that he's right about that. He said that she loves her job though. She went to Rutgers too and she's only making 27 grand a year. Howard said that she'd probably make more babysitting. Jason said that she knows how to play the cello and she could teach that and make some extra money.
Howard asked if he could cancel parts of the wedding. Jason said he can't but they can scale back on the flowers, food and the cake. Howard told him to do that. He said he should have zero flowers and asked Fred to name how many flowers they should have there. Fred didn't get that they were going for the ''Zero point zero'' audio clip from Animal House. Fred finally got it and started playing the clip.
Jason also talked about the cake so Howard suggested the flying saucer Carvel ice cream cake. He said there are chocolate and vanilla flying saucers and they're great. Fred suggested Italian Ices.
Jason said that he has something else that he has to talk about too. He said that he's going to say this on the air. He said that they're spending money on favors to put on everyone's plate. Howard told Jason to do a favor and call the wedding off. Fred told Jason to have his girlfriend do internet porn.
Jason said that he's going to have an open bar at the wedding too. Howard told him that he doesn't have the money for this and he has to cut that out as well. Jason said he's not cutting the open bar out. He said he can stop the party favors though.
Howard said that Jason can't be doing this and taking $30,000 from his in laws and then put up 15 of his own money. He said that this loan is going to cost him 2 grand a month in interest alone. Fred asked Jason how much this wedding is going to cost. Jason said that it's going to cost $35-40,000. He said that he's going to be going on a honeymoon too. Howard said that the honeymoon is a big mistake too. Jason said that they're going to Jamaica.
Howard told Jason that he doesn't have to worry about money himself so that's why he's doing his wedding the way he is. He said he got a note from someone who said that Jason had hired a guitar player for the wedding. Jason said that's only $100.
Howard asked Jason about his bachelor party in Amsterdam. Jason said he paid for that with his own money. Will said that cost him about 2 grand. Howard said that there are a lot of people out there who spend and spend and live above their means. It's just not right.
Robin said that there are people who will get married in fire halls because that's what they can afford. There's nothing wrong with that.
Howard told a story about Beth's brother coming out to get married out at their house in the Hamptons. He didn't invite anyone out there because he couldn't afford to do it. Howard said the guy was smart for not spending the money he didn't have.
Howard told Jason that he has to straighten this shit out and tell the family that they should pay for the whole thing or not do it at all. Jason thanked Howard for doing that and trying to help him out with this. He said he wishes that Howard was his parent when he came up with this whole thing to begin with.
Will said that Jason is inviting everyone from work to go to the wedding. Jason said that he needs the money to pay for all of that so he can't cut that back now.
Jason said that he needs someone else in the room when he's talking to people about all of this. He said that there are people just giving him ideas for what to do and he's just going along with it. Howard told Jason that this is his life and his money so he has to put his foot down.
Will said that JD is going out and spending money he doesn't have too. He said he got a little bit from Artie and he's spending it all on iPhones, computers and stuff like that. JD said that he's not spending that much and he's not going broke. He said he got a nice tax return and spent some of that. Howard said he read that JD bought a Playstation 3, a new Plasma TV and some other stuff. JD said that he did get those things but he's not going broke.
Artie said that he has to get JD the iPhone because he knows that it will help him out with his job with him. He said that he'll pay for that thing.
Dominic called in and told Jason that he can use his house out in Shelter Island for their honeymoon and use the same bed that Howard and Beth fucked in for the first time ever. Jason said that he would feel uncomfortable taking that. Will said that he's being rewarded for being irresponsible. Artie told Jason not to take it and he shouldn't take the offer. He said that Dominic is very generous.
Dominic asked what JD did with the $500 he gave to him. He was very nice to him down in Atlantic City and he gave him a few bucks. JD said he used that for the Playstation 3.
Jason passed on Dominic's offer. He pointed out that JD spent his entire tax return at a strip club a couple of years ago. JD said he knows he was stupid but he wasn't in the right mindset at the time. JD said that he's doing better with every check he gets from Artie. He said he puts half the money in his checking account and half in savings. Howard told him he should be saving it all.
Sal came in and told the guys that he had to go through what Jason is going through. He said that he never thought that he was going to be that guy but 12 years later he sees that he is that guy. He told Jason to just do it and learn from experience. Sal said that his wife is still spending all of his money and getting the floors redone. He said that he wanted to start a little nest egg but she wants to do the floors. He said that you just give in to them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's being a cunt. He told Jason that these women want what they want and you have to give it to them. Will said he thinks that Jason is the one who is trying to impress people with the wedding. Jason said that he wasn't for the big wedding at first but once they did push him into it, he wanted to do it right.
Sal said that Jason is doing this to make his future wife happy. Howard said that Jason is like a girl and he's saying that he doesn't want a big wedding but it's obvious that he does. If he didn't want it, he'd call it off. Jason said he doesn't want a big one, but he's not the only person making the decision. He said that he wanted a small wedding and it was other people who wanted a big one. Howard asked Jason if he would shoot himself in the head if he suggested it to him. He said that's not going to happen so Jason shouldn't get married this way.
Howard asked Jason about the loan and Jason said that it's all his fault for not saving up for something like that. Artie told him that it's not his fault and he shouldn't be taking the blame for it. Sal told Jason to get his wife to take out the loan instead of him.
Howard said that Sal is just another asshole because he spends the money that he doesn't have. He bought his wife a $5,000 bag last year and he has no money. Artie said that he likes Sal's wife but 5 grand for a bag is out of hand. Sal said that women are fuckin crazy. Howard told Sal that he's the crazy one because he actually paid the 5 grand for the bag. Sal said that he must be crazy then. He said that it's like being a prisoner of war, that's why he's going crazy.
Howard said that when a woman says that she wants a $5,000 bag, that's childish. When he actually goes out and buys the bag, that's crazy.
Howard got back to Jason and said that he's being like a woman with this wedding. H said that banks love people like Jason. He's going to be paying 2 grand a month in interest while he's got this loan out. Jason said that he will pay that off by the end of the year. Howard said that won't be paid off. Howard told Jason that what he should do is take the 30 grand from the families and pay off the student loan he owes 34 grand on. Jason said that they wouldn't have given him that money if he wasn't having the wedding. Howard said that the families should see that he's already 34 grand in the hole and that he's now another 15 in the hole and let him call off the wedding.
Ralph called in and said that he thinks that Jason is being pushed down this road and he really doesn't want the wedding. Ralph said that if they're this opposed to stuff like this already, their marriage is doomed. Jason said that they're not opposed now, he gave in a year ago and they agree on all of this stuff now.
Ralph asked what his credit card debt is. Jason said that it's not that bad. Then he said he didn't want to say. He said that he charged the rings and bands on the card and he's got close to $5,000 on that. He said that the percentage on that is only 6 percent. The guys aids that can't be possible. Jason said that it's a good card. He said he's had the card for years and it's not that high.
Ralph asked Jason why he would spent $45,000 on a party that's going to last like 4 hours. Jason said it'll be longer than that.
Robin said that it is the girls who want these parties. Howard said that he'd like to be in the next Batman, world peace and other things but he can't have everything he wants. He said that he's never lived above his means. He said that he would like every pretty girl to suck his penis but he can't have it all.
Howard compared Jason to politicians and the waste that they have in government. He said that they run the government the same way that Jason is running his life. He said he sees the way the government works now and this merger thing is out of hand with the FCC getting involved. He said they have one guy in the FCC insisting that they put a freez