| Monday | Tuesday |
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| Wednesday | Thursday |
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| Friday | Mastertape Theatre |
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Howard started off the show asking Robin how she was doing with her voice this morning. She said it was in and out and it might be an allergy thing. Howard asked if it was a ''healthy allergy.''
Howard also said that she's mentioned in the paper this morning. He said that it was an article about Robin claiming that she was going to leave the country if a republican got elected back in 2004. They pointed out that she's still here. There were some others who said that they were leaving but didn't. The article said that Eddie Vedder was another one who is still living in the United States, although he's moved to Hawaii.
Howard brought up Artie's appearance on Letterman last week. He asked Artie if he felt good about it. Artie said that he thought it was good but he does kind of feel the same way about that show that Howard does. He said he still gets nervous before he does it.
Artie said that he asked the guy who does the pre-interview, Matt, about doing that. He said he only had 8 minutes on the air so Matt said that they don't do that for anyone because it would bring it to a screeching halt if he did.
Artie said he brought up that Howard had done that once but Matt told him that Howard is Howard and he gets away with doing stuff that others don't. Artie said that he had Tim Sabean call Scott to smooth things over. Artie said that he had Letterman plug a stand-up gig and as he was doing that he threw in the SIRIUS mention in that.
Howard said he could feel Artie's pain during that because he figured that someone had asked him to do that. He said that Dave said to him ''Hey, ya gotta move them radios!'' during the break.
Howard played some of Artie's Letterman appearance audio clips. Howard played a few seconds of the interview but then fast forwarded through it to get to the part where he jammed in the plug for SIRIUS. Howard said he was trying to fast forward but it was taking quite a while. He tried to get to the end where Artie did his thing but he was skipping through the interview with just bits and pieces coming out.
Howard eventually got to the plug and listened to that real quick. Then he gave a quick review of his interview saying that it was a good appearance.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Artie he has to lose his cargo pants and shave. Artie said that he just looks too fat when he does that. He said that he doesn't look quite as fat when he lets the beard grow. Howard said that he should grow it down to his knees so it covers up his belly too.
Artie said that he had a sweat stain on his shirt at Kimmel recently and the same thing happened there at Letterman. He said that he looked in the mirror just as he was about to go out and he figured he'd just leave it. He said he walked out and saw Dave notice the stain on the shirt. He said that's why Dave said what he did about him getting dressed up.
Robin said that Artie is going to be known as the fat celebrity on those talk shows. Artie said that he has plenty of tape of him on those shows when he was skinny.
Howard said that someone told him that Artie wore the same outfit that he wore last time on Letterman. Artie said that it was a different shirt but the pants were probably the same.
Howard said that he was wearing the same kinds of things when he was getting fat. He's wear sweat pants and stuff like that. Artie said that he gets a lot of shirts from fans who throw stuff up on stage for him. He said he needs some pants though. He suggested sweat pants. Artie said that he wears those cargo pants for special occasions.
Artie said that he had another pair of cargo pants that he wore to his photo shoot. He said that they're the same pants but they fall down more than the other pair does. Howard said he's had the same problem with clothes that are supposed to be the same but don't quite fit.
Artie said that when he was thin he bought himself a nice suit at Barney's and got to wear it for a short time until he gained a few pounds. He said he barely fit into it when he was 190 pounds and that didn't last long. He said he's hoping that he can lose like 30 pounds over in Iraq when he goes there. He said that he hopes to lose like 15 before that so he's hoping he'll be down by 45 by that time.
Howard talked about going to the Big Man/Tall Man stores when he was fat and how he liked it because everything fit.
Artie said that when he's thin he doesn't have to worry about anything like that. Howard said that they should outlaw the big and tall stores because it's like they enable those people by fitting them with clothes.
Artie aids that he's playing in a softball league and he's hoping that will help him lose a few pounds. Howard told him that he could ride a bike. Howard told him he should ride to work every day. Artie said that's what everyone in Amsterdam does.
Howard said he had Tracy call Marvel and ask them to send over a DVD of it. He said that they didn't want to do that because they're afraid of piracy. He said that he's not going to steal it. He said he and his daughter were planning a movie night on Saturday and he figured he could get a copy for them to watch. He said sometimes they'll send over a screener with your name imprinted on it. He said they said that they were going to send over a copy but they wanted to send over an armed guard with the movie to make sure they give it right back.
Howard said that he couldn't believe that they thought that he was going to steal the movie. He said that he gets that they want the movie back because he's heard stories about executives stealing copies of movies in the past.
Gary came in and said that they don't give copies to anyone because they're so paranoid about piracy. He said that they won't even give a copy to David Geffen if he wants one.
Howard got back to his story when Artie started to get into a different subject. He cut him off and told them about this offer he had to get a copy of the movie. At first he said forget about it because he didn't want to go through the hassle. He said he was going to go to the movies instead. Howard said that he was going to have one of his people meet the guard and then get the movie back to them. The guard wouldn't have been there in his apartment. He said they called back and said that they had to have the guard sit there and watch the movie with them.
Howard said that he turned down that offer and told them to forget about it. He said that he didn't need some dude sitting in the room with him and his daughter watching the movie. He did an impression of what he thought that might have been like. He was doing his black guy impression as if it was going to be a black security guard watching the movie with them.
Howard said that they were giving all of these conditions for the merger and it's really just B.S. He said that he thought that the article was saying that they had approved it but it was really just the head of the FCC saying that he would approve it if he was the only one making the decision but it really hasn't been approved yet.
A caller told Howard that the Incredible Hulk movie wasn't that good and it was like a remake of the 2003 movie.
Howard read an article about this merger thing and how they want the companies to give up 12 channels, each, to minorities to go through with the merger. He said that makes no sense to him.
The caller asked if Liv Tyler is still good looking or not. Howard said that she doesn't look like herself in the pictures he's seen of her. Artie said that he thinks she had plastic surgery or something because she does look a lot different.
Howard said he got his dad some cash to use at the race track. He said he got him a gift card so he could use that there. He said that he only does like $2 bets there. Howard said he talked to his dad for like 2 minutes. He said that's about as long as they ever talk at one time.
Howard said he spoke to his mother for a few minutes and then got his dad on the phone. He said that his father told him he blew all of the money on one race but he knew he was kidding. They spent a minute talking and then said they love each other and got off the phone.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would donate an organ to Beth if she needed one. Howard said he would not. He said he's not giving his organs to anyone.
Another caller told Howard that he works in Hong Kong and he saw copies of the new Hulk movie out on the street for sale already. Howard said that's how ridiculous that whole thing was with the movie. They're afraid of the movie being stolen but it's already out there.
Howard talked about some of the stuff that he heard about Tim. He played some clips of Tom Brokaw talking about Russert's death and breaking down and crying while he was talking about him. He also had a clip of Russert spelling Iraq with a K.
Jon Hein said that they split the season in half and they have about 12 more episodes left. They're going to come back with more later one. He said that it'll be back next year.
Howard asked Jon how he knows so much about that stuff. Jon said that he did have a web site about TV shows. He keeps up on all of that stuff.
Jessica Hahn called in and said that when she was at the Playboy mansion Hef would have people stand there and watch the movies when the movie companies would send stuff over. Howard said that's different because the Playboy mansion is like a corporation at this point.
Howard took another call from a guy who talked about the Hulk movie and how it was pretty good. He said that the end of the movie was worth watching. He said that they address the pants ripping off and all of that stuff.
Another caller said that compared the Hulk to Tony Stark in Iron Man. The guy had a few thoughts on that. Another guy said that he was amazed that Robin thought that it was the end of Battlestar Galactica. He said that she gets a lot of stuff wrong like that. He said that she's always so confident about stuff like that. He wanted to ask her a few more questions because of that.
The caller asked Robin what the five boroughs of New York were. Robin knew what they were and rattled them off quickly. The caller asked Robin what direction traffic goes on 6th Avenue in the city. Robin said that she's not sure. She said that she thinks that it's North. She was right.
Howard said that he's not even sure where they work. He doesn't know what the address is and he wasn't able to tell anyone where it was. Robin said she knows that it's on 6th and 49th. Howard got a note that says it's 1221 Avenue of the Americas. Howard said he knew it was the McGraw Hill Building too.
The caller asked Robin what the capital of New Jersey was. Robin said she thinks that she knows. She said that it's Trenton and got it right but she didn't sound so confident in her answer. Howard asked her what the capital of Connecticut was. She knew it was Hartford. Howard said he didn't even know that. The caller asked Robin a few more questions before Howard let him go.
Howard read some of the e-mails he's gotten about Eric and then got him on the phone. He said that he's getting spooked from taking his calls. Eric said that he doesn't care about those e-mails. Howard said that he does though.
Eric said that those people are no-life-having people and he doesn't care what they say. Howard said that he's fascinated with Eric. He said that he's so distracted by Eric that he stopped talking. He asked Eric about his glasses and if he got new ones or something. Eric said that they're not new. He said that he got them in January.
Robin said that Eric's eyebrows have grown back in and they're back to normal. Howard spent a minute talking to him but then said he had to get going. Eric said that he didn't' even get to say what he wanted to say yet. Howard said that the audience has him spooked even though he's fascinated by him.
Eric said that he was calling in to talk about this whole Johnny thing because it hasn't been resolved yet. Howard said that no one cares about that. Artie said he was going to eat now. Eric asked him ''When don't you?''
Artie said that they could use Eric's calls like the old commercials on K-Rock when they could go out and take breaks and stuff.
Eric was saying that Johnny won't pay up for the stuff he's asked him to pay for. Howard said that he apparently doesn't think that he owes it to him. Howard said that he feels bad for Eric. He said that he's got a tough life.
Howard told Eric he had to go. Eric said that he still finds it odd that Johnny hasn't paid him yet. He said that he and Johnny haven't been talking since all of this went down. Howard cut him off and said he had to go. He said he's going to keep his conversations down to a minimum.
Howard said he could go on with him all day long but that's just him. He said that it was funny the first day talking about the Johnny thing but now it's getting old.
Howard asked Artie if he had any food left over. Artie said that he just had a bagel so far. He didn't have his breakfast Burrito today. He said they don't have them every day down at the place he gets them.
Howard said that Artie is amazing because he can gain 6 pounds after eating nothing. Eric was back on the phone a few seconds later complaining that Howard hung up on him. He said that he wanted to finish. Howard told Eric that he has to get his own show because this show isn't all about him.
Howard said that when Eric runs his own show he makes the decisions. Howard said that this is unbelievable. He said he feels bad for Eric but he also admires him for having all of these afflictions but he's still into all of this stuff he's into. He said that he's like an inspiration. Artie said that he's also an asshole. He said that he's a crippled kid who's also an asshole.
Howard said that he's inspired by Eric. Gary asked Howard how he could be with the attitude that Eric has. He said that he doesn't' seem to try that hard to do anything. Gary said that he's a buzz kill and he drags everything down. He said that he just sees the negative in everything and drags them all down. Eric yelled out ''Fuck you Gary!'' when he heard that.
Artie said that Eric shows that even a crippled person can be an asshole. Howard said that he had to turn the camera back on to see Eric's head turning all blotchy from his anger. Howard said that Eric's face is like a mood ring. He said that his forehead gets all blotchy when he gets angry.
Eric called Gary ''Fa Fa Faggot'' at one point so Gary told him to show him the list of chicks that he's fucked.
Howard asked the guys if they saw the cross on Eric's head. The blotchiness was formed into a cross. Howard said that he thinks that Eric is a good person and he will go to heaven. No one else in the studio believed that.
Gary asked what happened to Eric's modeling agency tour. Eric said that's going to start soon. That's one of the reasons he wants to straighten things out with Johnny. Howard told Eric he had to move along but Eric kept asking him to wait.
Eric said that Johnny's son gets to drive around in a car worth over $100,000 and he can't even get him to help him get his car fixed. Howard told him that's because Johnny's son is his son. He said that Eric isn't Johnny's son. He said that he's going to make that happen for Johnny Jr. because it's his son.
Eric said that Johnny has a Rolls Royce in his garage that's gathering dust and he can't even drive in his own car. A Johnny impersonator was on the phone a few seconds later. It was High Pitch Eric doing his deep voice impression of Johnny. Eric knew it was High Pitch.
High Pitch said that Eric is a loser midget. Howard let the two Erics go at each other a little bit. High Pitch told Eric that he was going to send him a car, a Matchbox car. Artie said that he loves to hear a couple of sub-humans argue. High Pitch thanked him for that comment.
Howard told the two of them that he had to go. He thanked the two of them for calling in and let them go. Robin was saying that Howard is being kind of condescending to Eric the way he talks about him. He said that if he didn't have all of those problems he wouldn't put up with his nonsense. Howard said that Eric is a special person and he feels that way about him for that reason. A caller asked if they could merge Eric with oncoming traffic.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said that David Crosby dedicated a song to Howard at a show recently. Melrose said that he was there yelling out Howard Stern and Baba Booey and David said ''There's always one in every crowd...'' and played a song. Artie thought that he was out of his mind and there was nothing there about Howard Stern other than Melrose yelling out his name. He wanted to hear more about that. Howard had to go to break first.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he rented a movie that Howard suggested and it sucked. He said that it was the movie ''Teeth'' where the chick had teeth in her vagina. Howard said he didn't love that one but he did like it.
Howard said that he watched Alien vs. Predator: Requiem and he loved it. The caller asked if they're going to have people in the studio for the Baba Booey song parody contest. Howard said they might. He gave the details about the contest and said you can find out how to enter at SIRIUS.com/HowardStern.
The caller asked if he could get into the studio for the contest. Howard told him that if he has some good songs maybe he'll make it in there.
Artie said that he met a kid out at one of his shows and he had a great idea for the contest. He said that if the guy pulls it off it's going to be the winner by far.
Howard said that he had some audio of Ronnie accusing Lisa of being in love with him. Lisa said that's nothing new. Howard played the clip of Ronnie talking about her and getting all angry about it. He was saying that she has to be part of the team there but she gets all pouty when she doesn't get her way.
Lisa said that she's not in love with Howard but she does respect his success. Gary asked her if she would go out with him if he was single and asked her out. Lisa said that she wouldn't do that if she was working there. She said that she can't even go there.
Lisa said that if Howard had a twin, she would date him. Howard told Lisa that a lot of co-workers date after meeting at work. He said that they might have to get permission from Mel Karmazin to make sure it was okay though.
Lisa thought about it and said that she probably would date him if he asked her out. Howard said that he'd take her out to dinner on their first date. Robin thought that he liked to have a first date at his apartment. Howard said that was back when he was on the down low and not going out in public.
Howard said that he and Beth went out to restaurants when they first started dating. He said that eventually attracted photographers.
Howard told Lisa that she'd have to put out for him almost every day if he was dating her. He said he doesn't know what it is but he has to have sex very often. He said it must be genetic because all Stern's are very horny. He said that he's pretty sure his dad enjoys a woman. He said he's not sure if it's his mother but he does enjoy a woman.
Howard said that Beth was working yesterday so as soon as he got home he went and got some Carmen Luvana porn and jerked off to that. He said he really likes that Carmen Luvana. He talked about the movie that he saw and how the guy was squeezing her ass and that got him off. He said that she's really good at blowing a guy too from what he saw.
Fred played a clip of Carmen in one of her movies where they were doing a parody of Scarface. Howard said she wasn't talking that much in the movie he saw. They listened to that for a minute and then Howard told Lisa he's not looking for anal on the first date or anything.
Howard asked Lisa how tall she is. She's only 5'3'' tall and Howard is 6'5''. Lisa said that he might be too tall because one day he was talking and she couldn't hear him because he was so far away.
A caller said that he heard that Carmen Luvana is out of the business after getting pussy cancer. Howard said that can't be right. The caller said that's what he heard from a friend of his who dated her. He said that she's in production now and not doing on-camera stuff anymore. That led to Artie doing his Dice impression and talking about giving her chemotherapy with the tip of his cock and stuff like that. Howard told the caller to get in touch with Carmen and maybe Artie could cure her.
Robin read something about Carmen on Wikipedia.org where it said she was going to stop working in the business but it said nothing about cancer. Artie continued to crack himself up with the Dice impression. He kept going with the cancer/fuck jokes. He had Howard laughing pretty hard at them too.
Lisa got back to her news preview. She said they have a new Page 69 clip where they talk about Jason possibly shooting some gay porn pictures for someone that works there. That led to Jason coming in and saying that this guy Kevin that works there gets a lot of mail from gay guys who have seen him there and they want to see nude pictures of him on the web. Jason said that he offered to take the pictures but Kevin wasn't interested.
Howard asked Jason why he would offer to do something like that. Jason said that all he did was offer to take some pictures. He said that he was trying to help the guy make a buck off the whole thing. Artie said that was really strange and he doesn't understand why he'd even make that offer. Jason said that there are people making a lot of money on the web doing stuff like that. He told Kevin to just throw pictures up on the web and make some money.
Artie said that was the weirdest thing he's ever heard. Jason said that he doesn't want to see guys naked but he also doesn't care if he does. He said that he takes naked pictures of Richard Christy all the time there. Jason kept pointing out that Will the Farter is making like $3,000 a month doing stuff on camera for the gay guys.
Howard had Kevin come in to talk about this whole thing. Kevin said that he gets a lot of messages about this stuff through Myspace. Joey Boots mentioned him on the air a couple of times. He said that other gay guys are really aggressive in their e-mails and stuff.
Howard and Fred did their impressions of Jason and what the photo shoot would be like. Artie was still shocked and talking about how weird he found the whole thing. Howard asked if they wanted to do their shoot right now. He had Jason come back in and tell them how he wanted him to pose.
Jason came in and started to shoot and told Kevin to look like he wasn't grossed out by it. Howard cut him off and told them to get out of there because he was getting creeped out.
Howard said he feels bad for Yucko. He said that Gary said something about Gary saying ''setting the table'' for the end of their marriage. He said that it's ''setting the scene'' but Artie and Robin said that the table reference was acceptable.
Howard replayed the clip and goofed on Gary for using that ''setting the table'' reference. The guys thought was okay but Howard was still goofing on Gary.
Howard said that Ronnie was on the Wrap Up Show and he seems to have a lot of thoughts. He was about to play some of his stuff but cut them off saying he didn't want to get into that. He had to go to break a short time later.
Scott came in and said that he doesn't work on it for more than a few seconds. He said he was just playing some stuff for a few seconds. He said that he usually works on the weekend and does it on his own time.
Howard said that he heard that Tim Sabean said that they had a guy fill in for Scott and the guy did all of his work in an hour. Scott said that guy didn't do everything that he does and if Tim wants to see what he does, he can sit with him for 8 hours a day.
Howard played a new song parody about Scott and Gary said that Scott was having a meltdown out there. He said he just came out and yelled at everyone. Howard asked Gary what Scott does out there now. Gary said that they took a lot of stuff away from him. He said that he sets up the studio in the morning and does Robin's news clips. Other than that he wasn't sure.
Howard asked Scott to come in and tell them what he's doing out there. Scott said he's been working on a lot of the specials that they have coming up. He said he's working on the game show special they have coming up soon. Scott said that he's also responsible for making sure that everything in the studio is working correctly.
Scott said that he's keeping busy out there. Howard said he was glad to hear that but just a few minutes ago he was asking to be fired. Scott said that he just doesn't like people lying about him. Howard said that he doesn't need Scott loafing around there because he's a high paid guy there.
Artie said that he was showing off for Tracy and talking to everyone there in front of her. He said he and Tracy went up to the dressing room and it couldn't have gone any better. He said that Sir Ben Kingsley was there so he got to meet him. He said that the guy told him that Sir Ben wanted to meet him.
Howard asked if Tracy knew who Kingsley was. Artie said that she did know that he played Gandhi in the movie. He said that he went down alone and that was best because it was obvious that Kingsley didn't really want to meet him. He said that he did the same thing with Paris Hilton the last time he was on Letterman with the 3 hot chicks.
Artie said that he got down there and Ben Kingsley walked right by him. He said that he thinks the guy was just trying to show that he could get him to meet the guy. Artie said that Ben didn't know who he was and he asked if he was the ''chap'' who was following him. Artie said he tried to make some small talk with the guy and told him not to get too many laughs out there. Ben told him he didn't need to worry about that.
Artie said that he showed Tracy where to sit in the green room and luckily Ben didn't have a big entourage with him. He said that he was sweating like a pig. He had her sit there in the green room while he went out and did his thing with Dave. He said that even though it's really cold there he was still sweating like crazy.
Artie said that Dave had to tape something for the governor before he went out and he was shivering in the green room waiting to go out there. He said that he was cold but still had the sweat stain on his shirt because that didn't dry out.
Artie said that he and Tracy exchanged numbers and said their goodbyes after that. He said that she didn't have time to go out to dinner with him. He said that she called and texted him about 3 times over the weekend. He said that he was doing the Man Cave thing all weekend so he didn't have time to go out with her. He said he's going to Dallas this weekend but he made arrangements to go to dinner with her this week. He said he's doing that on Thursday night.
Howard told Artie to take her to some fancy place. Artie said that he has a lot of places he could take her too. Howard told him to take her to his wedding. Artie said he's got a couple of girls on that list. He said that one of them is the hottest chick he's ever met and he might bring her. Howard told him that he should have a tournament there and bring in all of the people he's thinking about bringing to the wedding and have them compete for the spot.
Howard told Artie that his wedding is going to be kind of boring. Artie said that it won't be boring for the chick.
Artie said that Tracy got a lot of mail about what was going on with them. He said that he heard that she got some pictures of what her baby might look like if she was with Mike Gange. Artie said that he's kind of worried about his relationship with Gange now because he seemed to be getting upset when he was hitting on this girl last week. Howard said that Gange doesn't have any claim to that one. Robin told Artie to really piss him off by marrying that girl. Howard wished Artie luck with that one. Artie said that she seems interested so maybe things will work out.
Howard said that he loves that Richard's dad calls him like that. He said that Richard is really like his dad though. He said that Richard calls other people and just tells them about the littlest things. He had a message that Richard left for Artie about going to a Yankee game and how cool that was. Howard said that Richard is just like his dad. He was all excited about the game and meeting one of the Yankees.
Artie said that he liked that Richard was so excited about the game and meeting Johnny Damon. That led to Artie talking about how he's up 15 grand betting on basketball. Howard told him that he should collect his money now to make sure he doesn't get beat out of the big money again. Artie said that he's going to let it ride for now.
Artie talked about the Lakers and how much he hates them. He said that he thinks that the celebrities sitting at the games are just looking really goofy. He said that even Nicholson is looking goofy now.
Artie talked about some of the recent games and how much he's been enjoying them. He said that he's trying to decide what to bet on. Howard said he can see that money going out the window now.
Artie said that this bookie offered to get him the 60 Gs that he's owed from the other guy. Artie said he told the guy not to do that because he knows the other guy and he can't do anything to get it out of him.
Howard said that Cindy Margolis is going to be coming in soon to play a dating game so he wanted people to call in if they want to be part of that. He said that he'd fuck her in a heartbeat if he could. He said that she's still looking good at 40. She's got 3 kids though and you might want to get her before she hits the wall.
Howard had a Gary Dell'Abate mention from a sports talk show. In the clip a guy mentions Gary's name and they cut him right off. The producer must have know where the caller was going but the host had no clue.
Howard played a clip of a coach getting pissed off at a press conference. The guy was yelling about being robbed in a basketball game. He was a coach of a women's basketball team.
Artie said that was so embarrassing. He said he's glad he doesn't have anything like that on tape himself. Howard played another song that Sal performed and as soon as it started Artie said that it was giving him douche chills. The song started off with Sal saying ''Give me something to bug to...''
Howard said that Sal was probably thinking about making big money off of this song. They listened to a few more seconds of that and Howard said that he would have been better off calling himself ''Douche the Rapper'' instead of Candy the Rapper.
Howard played Sal's ''Take Me to Your Hip Hop House'' song next. It was another bad one. Howard and Artie goofed on him about that. Artie said that was another one of Sal's ''Get poor quick schemes.''
Howard took some phone calls and one guy said that he thought it was some pretty good rap there. Then he called Sal a ''such a fag.'' Artie wondered how much money Sal spent on getting that album made. Howard said he had to have spent over 10 grand on it. Sal came in a short time later and said that it was actually about 7 grand.
Sal said that he got scammed into some of that stuff. He said that he actually sent that shit out to some people and the guy told him it was hot. Then they charged him to make the album. He told Howard the story about how he got hooked up with that guy and then with the recording studio. He said that they had convinced him that he was going to be huge. Then they broke the news to him that they were going to charge him $7,500 to do it. He said that didn't make any sense to him because he thought he was going to be a star at the age of 16.
Howard told Sal that shows how stupid he is. Sal said he wasn't done yet. He said that he went to a legitimate recording studio and the guy didn't try to make him feel that great. He said that guy told him that it would cost him like $750 to record what he wanted to record. Then he went back to the other people who were obviously in cahoots with the recording studios. He said he told them that he could make the album for $750 but then the guy got upset that he went over his head. Sal said they sent him to another guy who said that he could do it cheaper.
Sal said that this guy made a call to another record company and they were going through a phony bidding war for him. This guy hooked him out there and gave him a price of $4,500. He paid that but it ended up coasting him even more. He said that he had to take out a loan to pay for it. Howard was laughing at Sal about all of that as he was telling the story.
Sal said the one thing that came out of that album is his ''Shake it'' song that Fred plays all the time. Fred played a little bit of that for him.
Sal said that he got his album made and then the record producer told him to have 500 copies made to send out to record companies. That cost him another thousand bucks. Howard laughed and told Sal he's an idiot. Sal said that he brought the 500 copies in two Bloomingdale's bags and dropped them off. The producer didn't even remember asking for them. Then the guy asked him where his 8x10s were. He wanted him to go out and get the pictures taken for another $700.
Sal said he went out to get the photos taken and that brought his total to over $6,000. Howard said that he's never met anyone who fell for stuff like that. Sal said there was more. He said he went to the photographer and the guy looked like he was smoking crack and stuff. He said that the guy had him setting up the room to take pictures. He had to tape the background down and stuff like that while the photographer was eating soup. He said the guy freaked out when he stepped on the paper and then had him using pencil erasers to remove the marks from his shoes.
Sal said that his mother ended up paying for all of this stuff for him. He said that the producer guy ended up forgetting that he had brought him the bags full of tapes. Howard said that he had helped the guy out by bringing them in bags that he could use for garbage. They goofed on Sal about that for a short time.
Sal told Howard that the guy was charging him for a bunch of stuff like publishing costs and stuff like that. That's how this all worked out to be around $7,000. He said that he never heard from the guy after he paid for the publishing costs. He said that he noticed that the guy wasn't in the paper about a year later and the guy had just changed his name.
Howard wondered if the producer guy even listened to the tape. Sal figured he didn't. Gary came in and said that he heard that Sal got really drunk at the second comedy show he did on Friday night. Sal said that he doesn't remember one word he said on stage during that show.
Shuli came in and said that Sal was rambling for 25 minutes on stage. He usually does a night tight set but not that one. Shuli said he went up on stage and tried to get rid of Sal. Bob Levy went up and yanked the microphone out of his hands and then Sal grabbed his mic and talked for another 2 minutes.
Howard played Bubba the Love Sponge's awful rap song that he made. He said that Bubba didn't have to pay someone to make his song though. Howard said that Bubba is better than Sal but not by much. Howard said that Bubba is a pisser. He said that you can make all the rap songs you want as long as you don't pay anyone like Sal did.
Howard said that he was never as gullible as Sal was. He said that Sal has an insane upbringing and that story shows you just how crazy it was. He said that he was spending thousands of dollars trying to become a star. He said that he knows enough to know that you don't pay someone to help make an album like Sal did.
Howard said that his parents would have looked at him like he was an idiot if he had asked for money to do something like Sal was doing.
Howard said he had a clip of the God Hates Fags guy talking about how they're going to boycott and picket George Takei's marriage. In the clip the guy who started the whole God Hates Fags group was going off on George Takei about getting married to his boyfriend Brad. The guy was asking why they're hiding the date from them if they're so proud. The guy wants to know when it is so they can show up and picket them.
Howard said that guy is a big civil rights lawyer and he'll defend blacks and other minorities no problem but the whole gay thing really sets him off. He said he doesn't understand how that effects the guy's life and why he'd get so upset about it.
Artie said that he thinks that these people are just hateful, awful people and they're not closeted gays or anything like that. Howard said that he never thinks about gay people during his day but this guy who runs the God Hates Fags thing is obsessed with them. He said that there has to be a reason for him to be so obsessed with it.
Artie said that it's really awful if they're going to do that to George. He said that makes him feel bad for George and it's just hurtful and sad. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Artie said that she is a hot chick and it is a big score for either of them. He said that if he was on the shoot for the bowling thing and saw that, he never would have made the move. He said that he really didn't know that he was that into her.
Howard told Artie that Gange shouldn't be angry with him. He said that Gange isn't dating her or anything so he has no right to get mad at Artie for getting a date with her.
Mike Gange called in and said that he's not that mad at him and he's not trying to make this a competition. Artie said that he was going to bow out of this whole thing then. He said that he knows for a fact that she likes Gange and he's going to let him take a shot. Howard said that Gange is like one of those guys who just brushes up against a girl and then thinks he owns her. He said that Mike should go out and try to get her but not lay a trip on Artie.
Howard told Gange that he's a pussy and he should have asked her out before Artie did. Gange said that he didn't ask her out but he's not trying to become her best friend or anything either. Howard said that Gange is a cock blocker.
Howard asked Gange for every man in the world to lay off of this chick. Artie said that this wouldn't stop him if it was some other dude. He said that it's because he knows Gange. He said he's going to let Gange do his thing and he's going to call off his Thursday date with her. Gange said that this is what men do. Howard said no man does this. He called him a pussy some more and told her to go out and just get the girl instead of crying about Artie getting her.
Howard said that maybe Gange should tell them about every girl he wants so they can inform the audience to stay away. Gange said that she has been texting him. Howard said that the chick has to make the choice and Artie shouldn't give up on her because of Gange.
Howard asked Gange to call them after a year and let them know that he hasn't scored with her yet so Artie can hook up with her.
Howard said that the girl said that she liked Artie better when she was in there. Artie said she never said that. Howard said he knows how Gange is and he's not going to ask her out. Gange said that he thinks she's really cute and likes a lot of stuff about her. Howard cut him off and said that when they have a court case where people are fighting for custody, they let the dog choose.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that she not only has a boyfriend but a live in boyfriend. Artie said that's not the information he got. Doug said they did a shoot at her apartment so that's what they got from it.
Artie said that he's been doing alright for himself lately and he has to let Gange try and go out with this chick if he's that into her. He thinks that as a friend he has to back off. Howard said that's not right and Gange isn't going after her like he should be. Artie told him he has 28 hours to make something happen.
Howard said that Gange hasn't even asked her out. Doug said that they asked her who she liked on the cast and she pointed out Gregg. She also said something about Ronnie the Limo Driver. She might just be playing everyone on the show. Howard said he had enough of this after hearing that. He told Gange to go dip his cock in acid so he can have a vagina since he's such a girl.
Artie said that he wasted a trip to Letterman on this chick. Gange asked Howard to say something nice about him before he got off the phone. Howard said that he looks good in a dress.
Steve said that they have a special coming up about colonoscopies and they're challenging Ronnie to do it with them. Gary said he's due for one and he'd be willing to be part of that.
Steve said that they have a story about Artie going to Letterman and how they didn't recognize him when he tried to get in over there.
Tracy from the Bowling Beauties show called in. Howard asked her what's going on with her and who she wanted, Artie or Gange. She said that she didn't know any of them personally yet so she couldn't choose. Mike Gange was back on the line too. Howard asked Tracy if she was into Gange enough to go on a date. She said ''I don't know.'' Howard asked if she was just being nice. She said that she thinks that he's a great catch.
Howard asked Tracy for Gange if she would go out with him. She said that she has a boyfriend right now and she's not sure she would go out with anyone. She didn't know anything about the Thursday date that Artie was talking about. Artie said that he told the guys that he was going to call her next weekend.
Tracy said that her boyfriend had no problem with her going to Letterman last week. Artie told her that she's got to be careful there with that stuff.
Tracy said that Artie is amazing and she would date him if she was single. When she was in last week she said that she would break up with her boyfriend to date Artie. Tracy said she was just joking about that last week and being a little silly. Artie told Gange to take his shot at this chick then.
Howard let Tracy go and moved on. He said that he doesn't like Gange's way of trying to lay claim to a chick. He said that he just brushes up against them and he thinks that they're his. He said that if he stuck with that rule then Ralph would have Beth because he did something similar with her back when he first met her.
Steve got back to his news preview. He ran down a couple more things and then wrapped up. Jon Hein came in after that and ran through is Wrap Up Show preview.
The guys ended up talking more about the Tracy thing with Artie. Artie said that this girl is up to something and her boyfriend should watch out for her. He said that he can imagine her complaining about not plugging her web site after dating her for like a month. He said he hates all broads.
Jon mentioned the gay photo thing with Jason during his rundown and that led to Artie going off on him about that a little bit.
Robin read some news about men's health and the symptoms of some things. Artie had a lot of the symptoms that she was bringing up. Howard said that Artie is really a mess. Artie said he was thinking about how much longer he has to live. He said that he's like a ticking time bomb and he's afraid that the heat over in Iraq is going to kill him.
Robin read some news about R. Kelly being found innocent in his recent court case. Howard took a call during that story and the caller said that he went through a heart attack at 35 and Artie has to watch out for that. Artie said that he thinks that he's had a bunch of heart attacks. Howard told him to go get checked out then. Artie said that he has to be there at 6 in the morning though. Howard told him they're done by 10:30 so he can go then. Artie said that he's a busy man.
Robin had some news about the flooding in Iowa, Tim Russert's death and a few other things. At one point Artie started to laugh his ass off uncontrollably as he was joking around about the flooding out in the Mid-West.
Robin read some news about Leona Helmsley's Will being changed after her death, Ted Kennedy's cancer battle, Savanna Samson topless sunbathing at a sports club, David Hasslehoff singing in a castle, The Incredible Hulk movie, Oprah Winfrey making a speech at a college and more.
Robin had some clips from the Tony Awards that Howard played. He and Artie ended up goofing on those clips doing their impressions of the songs from some of the plays. Robin wrapped up after a story about the movie The Love Guru and a story about a guy who has a clamp that was left in his chest after a heart operation.
Artie mentioned that his book ''Too Fat To Fish'' is available for pre-order on amazon.com. Howard ended the show a short time later, around 10:40am.
Gary said that it seems like Gange must have put in a lot of time with that chick. He said that she definitely gave an answer about dating him and how she seems to just want to be his friend. She said she was a great catch but didn't seem to be into him enough to date him.
Jon played a clip of Artie talking about Tracy early in the show and how he was worried about his relationship with Gange after what he heard.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that he thinks that Gange put a lot of time into this whole thing. He was having issues with his headphones so Gary and Jon had to yell at him to just talk.
Doug said that there are a lot of girls that come on the show who are hot but Gange doesn't get attached to all of them. He said that he really fell for this girl Tracy though.
Gange called in and said that he loves Artie and he's not going to get mad at him for this. He said that the problem was that Howard was talking about how great Artie was and calling him a scumbag. He said that he has to fight a little bit to show that he's there.
Gary said that it seems like both Artie and Gange got played a little bit. Gange said that she might be too nice to tell them to get lost. Gange said he knew from the beginning that she had a boyfriend but he's going to rap to her and talk to her. He said that she's a nice girl and he likes her so he's going to continue to talk to her.
Shuli pointed out that she was willing to dump her boyfriend for Artie if he wanted her. Gange said he thinks that she was just joking around at that point.
Jon asked Gange if he liked that Howard asked her out for him. Gange said that he was just fucking with him at that point so he didn't appreciate that.
Gange said that he's not going to hold a grudge against Artie for doing that. He said that Artie is a friend of his and he's not going to worry about that. He said that she might not have a boyfriend forever and maybe he'll be able to go out with her eventually.
Benjy said that he felt a connection to her and he's going to try to pursue her as well. Gange said he heard that she was creeped out by him but then he said he was just kidding about that.
Ralph called in and asked Gange why he's pining away for a girl who has a boyfriend when there are millions of girls out there. Gange said that he's not spending 24 hours a day thinking about her. He said that they just text once in a while and that's it. Ralph told him to tell her to fuck him or get lost.
Gary asked Gange if he has any pictures of her on his computer that are not work related. Gange said that he does not. The guys didn't believe him.
Gange said that he doesn't think that this is a waste of time because it could pay dividends at some point in time. Ralph said that he's basically laying in wait for this chick to drop her boyfriend.
Ralph also talked about the night that he and Howard met Beth. He claims that he wasn't into her at all but he did think he was out of line by taking her from him. He said that Howard just swooped in and took her from him without asking if he was interested in her.
Jon let Gange and Ralph go a short time later. Jon said that it seems that Gange was more angry at Howard than he was with Artie. Gary said that Howard is more than willing to help Artie out with girls and he doesn't seem to be into helping Gange out.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it was funny that Artie's first breaking point with that girl was that she liked Ronnie. Gary said that he thinks that he was just wondering who might be next on the list if Ronnie was up after him. Artie didn't say anything about her liking Gregg but as soon as he heard Ronnie he seemed to react in an odd way.
Another caller said that he hooked up with a chick one time who had a boyfriend and she ended up slapping some rape charges on him. He said that they have to be careful with that kind of stuff. Gary said that he once had a girl's boyfriend try to run him off the road after he went out with her.
A caller said that Tracy's nipple looked nice in that Bowling Beauties special. He said that they kept popping out during the show.
Another caller said that he was thinking that this Tracy is very much like Yucko's wife and using Artie to try and get ahead. He said that he thinks Nicole used Yucko to get her name out there. The guys goofed on the caller for thinking that using Yucko would get her anywhere.
Shuli said that he did shows with Yucko over the weekend and Nicole ended up asking a guy for his shirt that showed a couple cutting their wedding cake and had some text at the bottom that said ''Huge mistake.'' He said that really pissed him off that she would do that to him.
Shuli said that Yucko and his wife were supposed to come on Miserable Men last night but they backed out about 45 minutes before show time. He said that he thinks that Nicole probably didn't want to do it and that's why Yucko backed out.
Shuli said that he could tell that Yucko was bothered by it and he really doesn't like what Nicole is doing to him.
Gary said that he thought Howard was a little hard on him going off on him for being sucked into something like that. Gary said that Sal and his family didn't do any research to figure out of the guy was legitimate and that's probably where they went wrong. Sal said that they didn't have anyone in the family who would know to that.
A caller said that he's surprised that Sal's dad didn't slap him in the back of the head and tell him to get back to work at the ''pits-a-ria.'' Sal said that his father was all about work and that's all he ever thought about. Gary said that the funny thing is that Sal's father was always spending the family's money on lottery tickets.
Sal said that he was dating the daughter of the manager for the Sugar Hill Gang. Gary wondered why he never thought to ask him about the producer that he was dealing with. Sal said that he never wanted to bother the guy about it. Sal said that the guy was out of the picture by that point.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Sal is a retard to have spent that money on his album. He said that he should have paid someone to come up with a better name than Candy Rapper. Sal said that he was trying to come up with something that was similar to the other names like Vanilla Ice, Ice T and others.
Another caller asked Sal if he ever thought about doing a rap Baba Booey song back in the day. Sal said that he did do one called ''Booey's Delight'' that was a pretty big hit.
Jon played a clip of Sal talking about his rap album nightmare rip off. Gary tried to figure out how Sal was paying off the loan that he took back then. Sal said that it was $100 a month and it went on for like 3 years. Gary said that didn't add up because he said he took out like $4500 or something. Sal said he didn't know what was going on there.
Jon took some more calls and one guy was saying that he turns the channel every time Sal is on the air. Sal told him to turn it now and kept talking over the guy. Jon had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that he thinks that Jason is just trying to make some extra money for his wedding and that might be why he's trying to get this guy to do the pictures.
Kevin came in and said that he thought Jason was kidding at first but then he realized that he wasn't kidding. He said that he never wants to do gay porn and that's why he's not going to do the pictures.
Jon played a clip of Jason talking to Howard about the offer he made to Kevin and how that all came about. After that clip Jon asked if Artie was the only one who had that reaction to the discussion. Jason said that he thinks that Howard was kind of freaked out by it too.
Gary said that he doesn't think that Jason was suggesting gay porn, he was just suggesting tasteful pictures that would appeal to the gay community. He started to laugh after saying that though.
Benjy said that they could do other things to make money without going to the nude pictures. He suggested naked girls instead. He asked Jason if he would photograph fans of the show in erotic pictures. Jason said that he won't do gay sex but he will take pictures of naked guys.
Jim McClure came in and said that Jason was trying to convince Kevin that anything he took pictures of would be anything that he's doing in his life so it wouldn't be gay at all. Jim said that they mentioned someone else that who may have been involved in this and Jason said that they didn't need anyone else to get involved.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jason makes him sick and even though he's a Jew himself, Jason makes him anti-Semitic. He said he's way too liberal.
Kevin said that he's gotten a lot of e-mails and stuff from people who are suggesting he just go through with it. He said he won't do it though. Jason said that the money is still there on the table if he wants it. Kevin said he'll leave it there.
Sal said that Jason has been taking pictures of naked guys for years on the show. Jason said that's true. Sal said that he'd do the same thing if he were Jason. He said he could never watch someone jacking off or anything.
Ralph called in and said that he has no problem with Jason taking nude pictures but he's really an awful photographer. He said that he can't take good pictures so he's not sure why this is going on at all. He said that he doesn't think that Jason is supposed to be good at doing that because that's not his actual job.
Ralph said that he sees the pictures that Jason takes and he'll end up goofing on the pictures he sees. He said that Howard will tell him about a hot chick that was in the studio and then Howard will see the pictures and he'll wonder what happened because they don't look good.
Ralph said that he's spoken to Jason about taking pictures of Howard. Jason said that he took his suggestions and that's what he does now.
Another caller said that George Takei is getting married today from what he heard. That led to the guys talking about the God Hates Fags people and how they're supposed to be protesting the wedding. Gary said that he would find it very disturbing to go to the wedding and then have that Shirley chick yelling out ''fag'' and stuff during the wedding. Gary said that family just freaks him out, especially when the kids are yelling about fags and stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jason is a fag for wanting to take nude pictures of Kevin. He also brought up the Tracy thing and asked if the guys really thought that the chick was going to leave her boyfriend for them.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she loves the show and thinks that Shuli is on too many shows and she has to turn off the show when she hears him. Shuli said that this woman used to call Miserable Men every week telling them how great they were until they hung up on her.
Jon went to some more calls. One guy said that he doesn't like this God Hates Fags thing and he really thinks it's wrong what they do by protesting funerals and gay weddings. No one in the studio agreed with the God Hates Fags people.
Jon asked Gary about the comment that Howard goofed on him about this morning when he said ''setting the table.'' Gary said that he really didn't think he was wrong and Howard didn't let it go willingly.
The guys quickly talked about the Scott the Engineer controversy from this morning as well. Gary said that he heard the drum beats going on in his studio and he knew that he was working on his son's album and not on their work. Gary said that he wasn't the source of the story. There must have been someone else. Shuli said that he's going to be talking to someone else about it but they have to harmonize their voice so Scott doesn't know who it is.
The guys were trying to figure out who the source was but no one was sure. Sal gave some advice and suggested that the source not say ''dude'' during the interview with Shuli. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about the Scott the Engineer story where he's editing his son's music every day. He said he's still hearing stories about him. Scott came in and said that maybe he was doing someone else a favor. Howard said that he should only be doing favors for him. Scott said that he does stuff for other people too.
Howard said that Scott's smile gives it away for him and he knows exactly what's going on back there. Scott said that if they're going to get on his case he's going to go off on the people who go down and smoke for 2 hours a day. He said that they spend like 10 minutes on each cigarette and they're going down and smoking 10 a day.
Howard said that he's talking about Scott and no one else there. Scott said he doesn't get why they're picking on him. Scott said that his son's band is called Emergency Now and they'll be playing at the Starland Ballroom in Sayreville, New Jersey soon.
Howard told Scott that he heard that he's not just working on the weekend like he keeps saying he is. Scott said that if he's going to fuck with him then he's going to fuck with him too. He told Howard to have people sit in the studio and monitor him if he wants.
Howard said that Scott used to get upset when he'd be asked for a list of what he does every day but he's going to have to do that now. Howard asked Gary if they can have Scott do that. Gary said that they can have him do that but in the past he used to get pissed when Tim would ask for something like that.
Howard said that he wants to know how much work he gets done in that time that he claims to be working. Scott said that they can monitor him if he wants. That led to the guys talking about the game show special that Jon Hein is working on. Scott claims that he's working for Jon on that so Howard asked Jon if he's getting stuff back in a timely manner. Jon said that he is.
Howard put Jon in charge of Scott and he's now an underling of his and he's been demoted. Howard said that if Scott worked as hard on a cure for baldness as he does on his son's music, he'd have a full head of hair.
Scott said that he was just listening to his son's music the other day when he was working. He said that doesn't mean that he was working on it if he was just listening to it. Scott said that he doesn't get a lunch hour and he just listens to the music for his lunch. Howard told him he doesn't look like he's been missing any lunch.
Howard told Scott he's a mess and has to pull himself together. Scott doesn't understand why he's a mess. Ralph called in and asked Scott when he became a producer. Scott said that he's an engineer and that's what he's doing. Robin called Scott ''Mutt Salem'' since he seems to be producing this music for his son. Scott said that he listened to like 20 seconds of it the other day.
Howard said that he knows that it wasn't just 20 seconds of the song. He said he knows what's going on back there. Howard said he heard that he's not just working on the weekends on this music. Scott said that he could do it in the afternoon after hours if he wanted. He asked what would be wrong with that. Howard said there's nothing wrong with that but if he's doing it when he's on his time then there's a problem.
Ralph asked Scott why his son's band can't afford a real engineer at this point. Scott told Ralph to go back to sleep. Ralph told Scott to go start logging his day right now.
Howard said that Scott is treating him like an asshole and he's got to stop doing that. Scott said that he has worked his ass off for many years for his show and he's not treating him like an asshole.
Howard asked Scott who he was referring to earlier when he said that someone plays solitaire all day long. Scott said that he wasn't referring to anyone. He said he was just joking around and said that he was going to be taking up a new hobby. Scott said that he can't argue and he's really bad at it. He claimed he wasn't trying to do that with Howard but he was standing there arguing with him when he said it.
Howard said that he knows that he's working on his son's music often and frequently. Scott said that he's really not. Howard said he loves that he wants to help his son out but he needs him to work hard in there for his show, not for his son. Howard said that he wants him to put in 8 hours working on this show and put out as much as he can. Scott said he does that. Howard told him to pretend that he's his son and maybe he'll work as hard as he does on his son's stuff.
Ralph told Howard that he has to give Scott more work. Howard said that he should and he does want more out of him. Scott said that he's not getting lazy like Ralph was saying. Scott was goofing on Ralph for being lazy but Ralph said that's part of his job.
Howard goofed on Scott's new moustache and said that it's a big grey thing in the middle of his face. Howard said that Scott can do this and told him not to get lazy. He told him to be a team player.
Howard said that he gets reports from many sources about what Scott is up to in there. He said he doesn't want to have to monitor him but when he gets those reports he has to. Robin told Scott he's going to turn this into a real job if he keeps this up.
Howard told Scott that what he's going to do is put a star on Scott's bald head every day that he's good. If he doesn't do good he's not going to get star, he'll get a dunce cap on his head instead. Artie said that they should put the fist symbol on his head instead. He said that would be like what football teams do to their helmets.
Howard said that he's so confident that he's going to draw a fist on his head right now. Scott asked if he could pass on that. Howard told him that they could put the fist right in the middle of his head if he wanted.
Howard said that he did the same job Scott does so he knows what it takes. Ralph said that he and Jon Hein were talking the other day and he was talking about how slow Scott was. Jon said that Ralph was doing his job very well this morning and he didn't say anything about that.
Howard said that he doesn't want Scott treating him like his dog. He asked where that dog is. Scott said that the dog is about to get some surgery and the dog is still at home with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Scott is walking all over him. Howard said that's why he's calling him out on this now. Howard said he knows what's going on back there and he's got to ask him to get back to work. He said that he's heard that he's listened to his son's stuff many, many times. That led into them playing the ''Scott The Engineer's Fuckin' Up Again'' song parody.
Howard said that he's heard that Scott is listening to his son's music when he has headphones on back there in his studio. He said that he's putting Sal in charge of Scott's work. The Howard TV guys had shots of him doing that.
Richard came in and said that he thinks today was great for Scott and asked to put a gold star on his head. Howard told him to go ahead so Richard put it on Scott's bald head. Howard told him to start focusing now and then told the guys to write ''focus'' on that gold star that Richard just put on his head.
Howard asked to see it again and got a laugh out of that. Scott said he's going to walk around with that star on his head all day long. Artie told him to make sure Mel sees it. Scott said that he already thinks that he's an asshole.
Howard told Scott to have his son change his band's name to ''Focus.'' Scott said that there was already a band with that name. Howard said that Scott's star was very nice and Richard did a nice job with that. Howard told Scott that he's not a bad looking man with that star on his head. Artie told him he looks like Gorbachev.
Howard said that they can put more stars on his head when he does more stuff right. Ralph told him they won't have to worry about that, he won't do anything else right.
A caller suggested that they put a helmet cam on Scott's bald head so they can watch what he does all day long. The caller also told Scott to get back in his studio and get back to work before he gets fired. Howard asked him what he does for a living. The guy said that he's a garbage man but he's making good money. Scott laughed at him.
The caller said that he bought a house out in Pennsylvania for $79,000 and it's 3 bedrooms with a 3 car garage. Howard said that he might have to move out to Scranton if that's the case. The caller said that he didn't even have to put any money down on the house. He said that he's just outside of Scranton.
Howard said that this guy has a job where they know how much work he's doing. They do a certain amount of work and they know if it's not getting done. He said that Scott could stretch his work out for weeks and they wouldn't know it.
Howard wrapped up with everyone after that. He said that Sal is in charge of Scott's work chart from now on. Fred played some ''Shining Star'' for Scott and then played his ''Fuck everyone!'' clip.
Artie said that he can imagine what Lisa G is saying to Scott out in the hall right now. He said that she's probably telling him how great his star looks.
Artie and Howard talked about how poor Scott is like a beaten man. They talked about how they'd like to see pictures of him as a child who had no idea what was in store for him.
Howard said that Scott is really the best engineer he's ever worked with. He said that he worked with a lot of them over the years and he could have taken most of them and thrown them in the garbage. He said that he has to motivate him sometimes though. He said that he's like a diva sometimes and he has to bring him back to reality.
Howard said that what they just saw was a power struggle. He said that he has to show that he can't take over. He said that discipline is very important in this job.
Howard replayed the clips and got a few laughs out of that. He played a bit the guys put together using those clips with some gay porn clips. Howard said it sounded kind of like he was doing his Ted Kennedy impression.
Howard asked what Tiger Woods did yesterday. Robin and Gary told him that he won in a sudden death game. The guys spent a few minutes talking about him. There was a picture of him in the paper holding his baby so Howard pointed out that the baby is very white. Robin said that Tiger isn't all that black himself and he's kind of white.
Howard said that they like taking those type of pictures for the paper. Artie said that he heard the single most racist joke about Tiger Woods. Howard wasn't sure if he wanted to hear it. Artie told it anyway and said ''How did they come up with the name Tiger?... His mother is from Thailand and his father is a nig**r.'' Howard said that was awful. He told him to report the people who told him that joke. Artie joked that it was Mary McCormack who told it as she was leaving the other day.
Howard said that he was reading about how this Al Sharpton works. He said that he threatens companies that he's going to boycott them if they don't change their policies and then when they pay him, he backs off and praises the companies even if they don't change their policies. Robin said that it's a shakedown and he's like a con artist.
The guys talked about how Imus had to go to Al Sharpton to apologize to him and how awful that was. Howard read an article about Sharpton where they talk about the payments he gets and how he demands these payments from the companies and then backs right off when they do pay up.
Howard said that the paparazzi got Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson leaving his apartment so now they can admit they're seeing each other. He said that she refused to admit to it on The View the other day. Howard said that Lance should come on this show and they'll do a real interview with him.
Howard said that Richard saw them out at the Iron Maiden concert over the weekend. He said that it's not secret that they're together.
Howard said that he saw in the paper that there is definite proof that the brain of a gay man is more like a woman's brain and a gay woman's brain is more like a man's.
Howard said that he's not sure why it was gone but the news department should dig into that story and find out. He said that maybe Mel came in and saw it and wondered why he was up there and took it down.
Howard said that they should get a picture of Scott and stick it in there one night. He said that would be the greatest thing ever. He said that they have to make that happen and get it in there with his big gold star on his head. Howard said he likes to see himself in that big display out there.
Howard said that Sal had written down 20 things that Scott had done already today. He wanted to read it but it was taking a while to make that happen. He eventually saw it and Sal wrote down the stuff that he was doing out there like ''doing nothing'' and ''removing the star from his head.''
Ronnie came in and said that Jay Thomas' picture was removed and replaced with Barbara Walter's picture. The guys figured that maybe they do that so she sees it when she comes in.
The guys talked about how Martha Stewart had something big going on yesterday and they were in the studio next to the Wrap Up Show. Gary said that they were setting up tables and ironing tablecloths to get every wrinkle out of them. They were having Emeril Lagasse cook for them or something.
Artie said that he loves that stuff that sees Emeril make on his show and he would have loved to have been there. Gary said that Artie was probably the type of person that they didn't want in there. He said that they were very frufru over there.
Ronnie came back and said that they had a bunch of posters up today and they had the Grateful Dead and some other posters up today. He said he had no idea who decides on who is in charge of that. He said he can find out by asking someone who knows what's going on there, Richie Beilenson.
The astronomers were using a telescope down in Chile to find this stuff. Howard said that his daughter was living down there for a while. He spent a couple of minutes talking about that and how she was able to speak the language very well. Howard said that there are 3 big Super Earths out there and he wants them to go out and strip them.
Howard read a story about the city shutting down a street there in the city so they can have people walking and biking down that street. Robin said she liked the idea and she's looking forward to that. Howard said that they got the idea from Bogata Columbia where they do something similar every year.
The guys were talking about pedicabs and how slow they can be out there on the streets. Artie said that he had done that one time with Dana. The Howard TV guys had a shot of that within seconds so Howard was impressed with how fast they are back there.
The woman said that she used to weigh 350 pounds and lost 200 of that. She said that her husband would cum very quickly when she was fat. Howard told her to bring another woman into the relationship and maybe that will help.
Howard took a call from Siobhan who said that she had a nightmare night with her roommate. She said that she was going to have a roommate but he turned out to be the roommate from hell. She said that she had to turn the guy down. Howard said he thought that she was squatting in her place but she said that it's a co-op now and she has to pay rent and it was just doubled.
Howard said that he's sorry that she had a bad roommate but he had to go. Siobhan said that she saw what can happen to someone if they don't exercise their whole life. She was going on and on so Howard cut her off and hung up on her. He asked what the hell she was talking about.
Ronnie came back in and said that he found out that the marketing group handles those posters out in the lobby. He said that's all he knew, he didn't know why Jay's picture was taken down.
Howard said he was reading about Tim Russert's son and how he had a tattoo of his father's initials on him and how great the two of them got along. The guys talked about how Tim was voted the father of the year at least one time. He and his son were very close. They spent some time talking about the stuff that they read about their relationship and how unbelievable it was.
Howard said that Amy Winehouse was back in the news after she passed out on a fan. He said that she's a real mess. He talked about some of the other messed up things that have happened to her before. Gary said that she had some clips out where she was singing some kids songs but with racist lyrics. He said he was going to find them so Howard could play them. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Artie said that he just mentioned that real quick yesterday and it shot right up that quick. He said that shows how powerful SIRIUS is.
Lisa said that there's going to be an audio version of the book available too. They may have Artie do the read for that. Lisa said that they also have a story about George Takei and his boyfriend Brad getting their marriage license today. She said that they have a story about Scott DePace's Video Caddy being used to tape the Wrap Up Show. Howard thanked Lisa for that and let her go a short time later.
Howard asked where Verne was because he thought he was ready to come in. The guys brought him in a short time later.
Howard said that he was reading this story about Mike Myers and how arrogant and moody he is on the set. He said it was in Entertainment Weekly. He asked Verne what he makes of this. Verne said that he's never seen anything like that on the set. He said that he doesn't think he's difficult to work with at all. Howard said that Mike has been a major good thing in his career so he can't say anything bad about him. Verne said that he's really not that way but he's right that he's been great for his career.
Howard said that it's not right to treat people the way they claim he has in this story. Verne said he hasn't seen that so he can't confirm it.
Howard said that he read that Verne has gone to rehab twice now and asked if he's all good and if he found Jesus or something. Verne said he didn't find Jesus but he has turned his life around and got straight. Howard asked if he drinks champagne or something. Verne said it was any alcohol. Howard said he heard that Verne went to Robert Downey Jr. and asked him how to beat this stuff. Verne said that he did ask him and Downey told him to just stick with it and he'd be fine. Howard asked Verne who he was in rehab with. Verne said he can't say who it was.
Howard heard that Verne got to see up Lindsay Lohan's dress when he appeared with her on the MTV Movie awards. Verne said that he did see up her dress and she was wearing pink panties. He said she probably didn't realize that she was going to be out on stage with him.
Howard asked Verne about his marriage and what happened with that. Verne said that they were married for just a short time. Howard said that she appeared on the show and she let him feel her up. Verne said they were only married for 5 days. They got the marriage annulled. He said that they didn't even consummate the marriage.
Verne said that he realized it was a mistake after people told him he was nuts for marrying her. Howard said that Verne did have sex with that woman and if he had video taped that he could probably sell millions of copies. Artie said that he'd like to see Verne banging Paris Hilton.
Howard asked Verne about gambling because he saw him out in Vegas one time. Verne said that he does gamble but not all that much. Howard asked him if he's a multi-millionaire. Verne said he wishes he was. He said that he's playing the part of the head coach of a hockey team in the new movie and his name is ''Coach Cherkoff.''
Verne said that he gets paid pretty good to do the movies with Myers. He said that he gets in the high six figures. He said he worked for about 3 months on this latest movie. He gets to talk in this new one, unlike the Austin Powers movies.
Howard asked Verne if he's still drinking. Verne said that he is but he's got it under control. Howard asked him how many cocktails he has when he goes out. Verne said he might have just one. Howard said that he's kind of worried about him hearing that.
Howard asked Verne how tall he is. He's 2'8'' tall. Howard asked if he ever prayed for a growth spurt. Verne said that he did but not until later on in his life. Howard asked him if he drank because of his height. He said that his parents treated him the same as his brothers and sisters who are average height. He said that he didn't realize how short he really was until later on in his life.
Verne said that he had kids who would tease him and stuff. He said that he jumped up and punched one kid in the nose after he made fun of him. He got his revenge on that kid. Howard wondered if he would have thrived in the world of little people if he was around them all the time. Verne said that he doesn't even really think about it now because he can deal with the way things are.
Verne said that he got laid last week and things are going good for him. Artie asked him how old he is. Verne is 39. Howard said that he remembers at the height of his popularity he was banging a lot of chicks. He was going to the Playboy mansion and banging chicks there. Verne said that he's had some fun. He said that he's not looking to get married again though.
Howard asked Verne what kind of condoms he uses. He said that he thinks they're Durex. He didn't remember the name so Robin threw out a few names and got it. Verne said that he'll have to talk to her later since she seems to know a lot about that stuff.
Howard asked Verne about the multiple women he's had and if he'll bang all of the girls at once if he's in a foursome. Verne said it's just about having fun with all of them. Howard asked if he had a former Playmate of the year. Verne laughed and said he did. He said that things are still going good for him.
Verne said that he's totally healthy and he's supposed to have an average life span. He said that they might live a little shorter life than other people because they have to do so many other things than other people do. Howard asked Verne if he has to climb onto a toilet to go to the bathroom. Verne said that he does.
Verne said that he has an electric cart that he uses to get around in crowds and stuff. Howard asked him what kind of positions he gets in with women when he's banging them. He said he just has fun. He didn't want to get into the exact positions. Verne said that he can hold his own.
Howard told Verne that he's really an inspiration to other people. He said that if he were his height he would be drinking all the time.
Howard talked to Verne about Heath Ledger's death and how he and Verne were friends. Verne said that they went out to dinner a couple of times and he had worked with him. Howard asked Verne if he ever tried to get Heath to stop doing the drugs. He said that he wasn't doing them that much and he thinks that it was just an accident that he overdosed. Verne said that Heath was way into his character and he wasn't able to sleep.
Verne even got a tattoo as a tribute to Heath on his hand. He said that it was a heart that Heath had put in his e-mail to him one time. Howard said that he should get one of those if it'll help him get laid.
Howard asked Verne if he ever got to bang any famous chicks. Verne said that he did but he's not going to say who. He said that he's had black chicks and Asian chicks too. Howard asked Verne who it was that he banged and threw out the name Denise Richards. Verne would only say that it was a B-list celebrity.
Howard asked Verne if he's ever fisted a chick while fingering her. Verne joked that he had but said he was just kidding. Howard asked Verne if he's able to hold out with a chick when he's banging them. Verne said that he can hold out. He said he just thinks about baseball or something.
Howard asked Verne if he banged Chyna or Bridgitte Nielson. Verne said that wasn't the one. The guys threw out a bunch of other names but Verne wasn't talking.
Howard asked Verne if he was going to write a book about his life. Verne said that he will do that eventually but not for a while. He said that he won't do that until later in his life. Howard asked Verne if he's ever had his salad tossed. Verne said he hadn't. Howard asked him if he has small bowel movements or tiny ones. Verne said he doesn't eat that much so he can figure it out.
Howard asked how big his penis is. Verne said that he'll just say that it satisfies. Howard told Verne he has just a couple of inches when he's small. He said that he's got like 6 inches when he's aroused. Verne wouldn't say how big his is. Howard asked if he's bigger than 5 inches. Verne said he is.
Howard said that he heard from Mark Cronin that Verne has huge bowel movements. Verne said that sometimes he does.
Howard said that he wants to play some Liza Minelli clips after Vern's interview. He said that she has gotten even more bizarre and she was rambling at the Tony Awards.
Howard asked Verne how he got involved with acting. Verne said hat he had to stunt double for a 9 month old baby so that's how he got the job. Then Mike Myers was making his Austin Powers and the casting director found him and that changed his life.
Howard asked Verne what he did before he was acting. Verne said that he was working for the telephone company for a while. He said he was customer service.
Verne said that he lost his virginity around 17 so Howard seemed to be impressed with that. Verne said it was a full sized chick. He said that he's been with little people before too but he's just not attracted to them. Verne claims that he can get into a chick's pants within 30 minutes if he wants to. Howard told him about Mike Gange and how he's been working on a chick for like 6 months now and he can't get into her pants.
Howard asked Verne how much porn he owns. Verne said it's only like 3. He said he likes to see chicks. He likes the girl on girl stuff. Verne said that when he beats off he does it while he's on his knees. Howard thought that was kind of weird.
Howard asked Verne if people are going to like this Love Guru movie. Verne said that he saw it and it's really good. He said he got a lot of laughs from the movie. Verne said that Jessica Alba is in the movie and he did some scenes with her. He said that she's really nice.
Howard asked Verne who he's backing, McCain or Obama. Verne said he doesn't get into that stuff. He said that he wants to vote as a person and not as a star. Howard said he really wants to know who he's going to vote for. Verne said that he doesn't talk religion or politics. Howard said he hasn't decided yet and he has to watch the debates before he decides. Verne said that it's good to wait. He said that he just can't tell him who he's voting for though.
Howard and Robin asked Verne if he's gone to little people conventions. Verne said that he has but even those people are a lot taller than he is. Howard said that he thinks that Verne is the most popular little person out there right now. Robin said that she likes Peter Dinklage. She said that she likes Verne too.
Howard asked Verne if they will ever see a little person President. Verne said he doesn't think that will happen. He said that he would never think of running for office. He said there would be too much dirt on him that people would dig up.
Howard asked what goes on at a little person convention. He wondered if they bash tall people and plan to rule the world. Verne said that they call tall people ''talls'' but they don't bash them.
Howard said that he really thinks that Verne is the biggest star out there. He said that maybe Billy Barty was a star before he passed away. Now he thinks that Verne has to take over as the leader of the little people. He said that Verne is like the Tom Cruise of the little people. Howard asked if Tom Cruise is a little person because he's pretty short. Howard asked how tall Ronnie is. Robin said she thinks that he's about an inch too tall to be called a little person.
Eric the Midget was on the phone so Howard put him on. Howard asked Verne what he thinks about the word Midget. Verne said that it is a slang word for little people. Howard asked Eric why he still calls himself Midget then. Eric said that he's not the one who calls himself Midget. They call him a midget.
Eric asked Robin why she think he has medical problems. Howard said that Eric told them that he wasn't healthy. Eric aids that he almost died in surgery when he was in his 20s.
Eric said that he's 3'6'' tall so Verne said that he could probably kick his ass. Robin said that Eric is in a wheelchair so he must have something wrong with him. Eric said that there are a lot of people in wheelchairs.
Howard asked Eric what he wanted to ask Vern. Eric said that he wanted to know about the Midget thing but Howard had already asked that. Eric asked Howard to stop calling him a Midget then.
Eric asked Verne how many movies he's done so far. Verne said it's probably been about 30 including all of the stunt work. Howard said that he was in one movie where he was in a Nazi theme park and got raped by monkeys. Verne said that was an interesting one.
Robin said that they've tried to get Eric into some roles but he refuses to do stuff that they ask him to. Verne said that it's tough to do some parts and maybe if they offered him enough cash he'd be willing to do it. Howard let Eric go a short time later.
Howard started to wrap up with Verne and gave him a plug for the new movie ''The Love Guru'' which opens this Friday. He reviewed some of the stuff that they had gone over during the interview. They talked about Vern's dating and how he has to figure out where to fine some regular women instead of dating the gold diggers that he's dated.
Howard asked Verne if he shaves down his pubes. Verne said that he doesn't have any hair on his head so he shaves down his pubes too. He said that he likes not having any hair down there. Howard asked him if he's ever nicked himself shaving. Verne said he has and he's had blood flowing out of his balls. Artie said he hates when that happens.
Howard asked Verne if he has any other shows to do today. Verne said that he's doing The Today Show and TRL today. Howard gave Verne some more plugs and said that Mike Myers has never done his show. Howard wondered why that was. Verne wasn't sure about that. Howard asked him if he has his phone number. Verne said that he doesn't but he gets that he wants his privacy. Howard said that Mike should move him into his house because he's made his movies for him.
Howard played the strange noises that Verne made during the taping of ''The Surreal Life'' and Verne claimed that it wasn't him, it was his stunt double making that noise.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Verne might be doing better with the ladies than Artie is. Howard said that he's doing better than JD for sure. He told JD to get in there so Verne could give him some tips.
JD came in a short time later and said he had no idea what was going on. He said that he got laid a couple of weeks ago but it wasn't worth talking about. Howard and Robin wanted to know who it was. JD said that he ''knows people'' but didn't want to say who this one was. JD said that it wasn't a hooker and he didn't rape anyone. He said he's known her for a while now and they just got in touch recently.
Verne suggested that JD just be himself and that would get the girls. Howard said that's the worst advice for JD. He said that JD needs a better look. JD said that he saw Verne getting laid in a club that he was at one time so he knows he can get the chicks.
Howard said that Verne isn't handicapped, JD is. Howard told Verne that JD was hanging out with Ryan Phillippe and couldn't even get laid hanging with a big star. JD said that Ryan introduced him to a girl and the girl even asked Ryan why he was introducing him to her.
Irish John called in and said he thinks that Verne banged Chyna. Verne said that she's fuckin' wacky and he didn't bang her. He said that she was calling him a midget and he told her that was wrong but she kept saying it. He said that she just kept saying it and saying it but she's just not right in the head.
Howard asked Verne to crawl up under Meredith Viera's dress on The Today Show and call them with a report. He said that he's pretty sure there's a big hairy bush up under that dress. Howard ended the interview a short time later.
Howard said he had a bunch of stuff to get to. He said that they have the new Miss Howard TV there and she's so hot that guys pay to see her even though she doesn't get naked on her web site. Howard showed Artie a picture of her and he said that he was getting woozy.
Howard said he had some audio of George Takei and Brad talking about their upcoming marriage. He said that they may have prices themselves out of getting George on the show because he's gotten so popular lately. Howard said that even Brad has come out of hiding and is going on these shows with George now. He played the clip where George and Brad talked about their September wedding.
Howard played some audio of Liza Minelli at the Tony Awards. As soon as he started to play the clip he started laughing. Howard said that she was a really talented woman but he's not sure what's going on with her now. In the clip Liza sounded like she had something in her mouth so Howard and Robin tried to do their impressions of her. Robin used to be able to do an impression of her but this new voice Liza had was tough to duplicate.
Howard was doing an impression that was pretty close to what he was hearing. Robin was getting better at it too by the time the clip was over.
Howard said that they had a game to play where they play clips of the late Cliff Palette saying celebrity names and the player has to guess what it is. Henry Hill was on the phone so Howard let him play. He was having some trouble getting the CD to play.
Howard played the first one which was a tough one. Henry didn't know what the answer was. Howard said that he didn't even have the correct answer so the game wasn't really working. Gary said that they had the audio of the right answer after that track. Howard said that he wanted the names on paper so he would know what the answers were before hand. Howard ended up going off on Gary making fun of him and making his ''Boff, boff, boff!'' barking sound while Fred played some dog barking clips. Howard said that Gary is like a pit bull.
Howard replayed the clip and tried to get Henry to guess. Henry still had no idea what the name was. Howard told him to guess that it was Mel Gibson or something instead of Mel Thompson.
The name that they were trying to guess was Gizelle Bundchen. Artie said that he had guessed that but didn't say who it was. Howard let Henry get in a plug for his art that he sells on eBay.com. Search for Mob Art on eBay and you'll find his stuff.
Howard let Henry go and ended up arguing with Gary again. Howard said that he got a lot of mail about Gary and how he said ''setting the table'' instead of the correct term which was ''setting the scene'' or something like that. Howard said that he knew that Gary wasn't making any sense. He said that ''setting the table'' is not the right phrase that he was going for. Gary insisted that it was a term used in sports and it was not improper.
Howard read some of the e-mails that he got about it and said that there were like 50 e-mails but he narrowed them down to 5. Gary continued to argue with Howard and said that there were like 3 total. Howard told him to get out of the studio.
Howard said that people looked up the term and found that it was ''setting the stage'' and not ''setting the table.'' Gary said that he's still right and it was an acceptable use of that term. Howard said that it's wrong and it's ''setting the stage'' but even he was confused and kept saying ''scene'' instead of ''stage.'' He blamed that on Gary too.
Howard said that Gary uses shit improperly all the time and he refused to accept that he's wrong. He told Gary to leave him now and to leave him alone. He said he's been trying to teach him for years and he learns nothing. That led to him playing a Baba Booey song parody and then plugging the Baba Booey song parody contest that they have going on now. You can find out more at SIRIUS.com/HowardStern.
Howard played a few recent entries for the song parody contest. He whipped through a bunch of them and said he liked a bunch of them. Some of them were simply Baba Booey repeated over and over, others were full blown songs with stories about Gary's teeth.
Howard said there were a million of them. He whipped through a bunch and said that Gary is being a very good sport about the whole contest. There's a $5,000 grand prize for the winner of the contest.
Howard had Sour Shoes on the phone so he let him sing some of his own Baba Booey stuff. Howard tried to ask him a question but Shoes didn't hear him and kept talking. Howard hung up on him and took another call.
Howard played the next Cliff Palette clip and let the guy try to answer. It was Gwyneth Paltrow but Howard didn't get it right away. Robin got it right off. Artie got it and gave the guy a hint. He said that the name was mentioned earlier in the show. The caller had no clue and asked for another one. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy because he couldn't just give away the answer.
Howard took another call but the guy didn't even know he was on the air. The next caller got it right when he guessed it was Gwyneth Paltrow. Howard gave him the $500 prize.
Howard talked to the girls for a short time and found out that Willie's daughter is the tour masseuse and rubs down the crew and sometimes her own father. Howard also asked her about what else she does and if she jerks guys off when she's massaging them. She said that she doesn't do that stuff for money. She would only do that for her husband.
One of the Barbie Twins said that Willie's daughter looks kind of like Liv Tyler. Willie's daughter said that her boobs are pretty small so she doesn't wear a bra. Artie said that she'd probably be perfect if she had bigger tits.
Howard said he'd like to meet Willie's daughter, he wants to see her. He asked if she rubs his feet and stuff like that. She said that she does do that because if she doesn't do it, no one will.
Howard asked the girls if they wanted to play the game. They said they could and they're going to give the money to a charity if they win.
Howard asked Willie's daughter if she sings. She said that she has her own band with Arlow Guthrie's daughter. Howard moved on to the game and played the next name that Cliff Palette said. Howard got it right away. Robin got it too. The girls on the phone were guessing it was Heidi Klum. They got it right.
Howard thanked Arlen Schumer for giving him a book called ''The Silver Age of Comic Book Art.'' He said that his cousin is in the book because he did some covers of some books.
Howard had the guys bring in some notes for this girl Christine who is the latest Miss Howard TV. Howard read that she considers herself an expert in sex. She's married and her husband was there. Howard seemed to get a little bummed when he heard that.
Howard said that Mike Gange had spoken to this girl so that must mean that Artie can't talk to her now. He went off on Gange talking about how he was on the Wrap Up Show yesterday sounding like a bitch. He played some clips of Gange crying about how he didn't' have anyone on his side in the studio and how he was looking like a douche.
That led to Mike and Howard arguing about the whole girl thing. Mike was claiming that there is a code of men and if a guy is interested in a girl, the friend backs off. Howard said that's the code of douche bags. He said that you don't hit on someone that your friend is dating but Gange isn't dating that girl. Howard said that this girl Tracy was talking to everyone there and it wasn't Gange's girl. Howard said that Gange was taking a shot at this girl but it was taking him 6 months to do it. Howard told him that it's over and she wasn't interested in him. Gange said he knows that now.
Howard said that he's not against Gange like he thinks he is. Gange said that Howard treats him like crap and he doesn't know why. Howard told Gange that he has to just ask this girl out instead of trying to work her for 6 months. Gange said that she had a boyfriend so he wasn't going to try and steal her away right away. He said that he had to do a slow burn and let it happen.
Howard told Gange he has no shot at this girl and if he wants a shot, he should go shoot himself. He said that this girl just isn't into him and she said that when she called in. Howard said that she's been living with this guy for a long time and she has no interest in him. She's trying to be nice so they remember her for something else on Howard TV.
Howard asked if there are other girls there that no one else is allowed to hit on. Gange said there might be a few more.
Howard asked Christine if she would dump her husband for Gange. She said that she would have to think about that. Howard said that it looked like Christine was wearing stars over her nips this morning. She said she was.
Christine said that she saw that girls were making money doing this so she figured she could go for it too. She said that she has done some subtle nudity on her site like when she had chocolate on her breasts and you could kind of see her nipples.
Howard read that Christine had messed around with girls before so he asked her about that. She said that it was mostly boobs and up and some kissing.
Christine said that she likes all hair removed from a guy's balls. She said that her husband removes it all and he uses a razor. Howard said he can't imagine doing that because he'd be afraid of cutting himself.
Howard said that Christine's web site is at IDreamOfChristine.com. He read that she makes a lot of noise in bed and asked her what she sounds like. She didn't want to do the impression of it for him though. Howard wrapped up with her a short time later.
Howard read that Christine let her husband sleep with another woman. He asked her about that and she said that they all did stuff to each other. Christine said that she loved watching her husband bang the other chick. She said that they were all pretty drunk that night. Howard said he had to meet this guy. He had the guys bring him in.
Howard said that this guy is his hero. He said he was a regular guy and he had this hot chick. The guy said that he met a long time ago. Christine said that they've been together for 9 years. The guy said that he switched between the two girls that night. Howard said that must have been the best night of his life. The guy said it was a pretty good memory for him. He said he hopes that it happens again some day.
Howard asked what the girls were doing to this guy. Christine said that they were actually blowing him at the same time in the club. Howard said that Artie was falling asleep there. Artie said that he wasn't sure what was going on there.
Christine showed the guys her boobs with pasties on. Artie didn't seem so excited about it though. Howard wrapped up with Christine and her husband a short time later. Christine said that they may hook up with that other chick again sometime. They've stayed in e-mail contact since that time.
Howard and the guys spent a few minutes talking about how Christine's husband wasn't all that great looking. Fred said that Gange should be feeling pretty good about himself after seeing that guy. Gange said that Christine and her husband met in Walgreens and when they'd be working together they'd have sex all over the store and they'd get caught.
Howard goofed on Gange some more about his lack of balls when it comes to just asking girls out. He said that Jim Florentine just came in and asked Robin out and she jumped on that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that he had the Top 5 songs and one of them was ''I Kissed A Girl'' by Katy Perry. He played that one quickly and kind of liked the idea of the song. He had Steve Langford come in after that.
Steve said he has more on the Colonoscopy Carnivale that they're trying to put together. He said that they also have some news about some voice mail messages that have been left on Hulk Hogan's voice mail recently. Steve said that they have some news about Jerry O'Connell who was on Greg Fitzsimmons' show last night.
Steve said that today is the anniversary of the infamous prank call to ABC news during the OJ Simpson chase. Howard said that he thought he was going to announce that it was the anniversary of the wire cutting in Cleveland when they were doing a remote broadcast out there. Steve wasn't sure of the date and gave Howard a strange reaction.
Howard said that Steve didn't like that he trumped his story with his mention of the wire cutting. Jon Hein came in and went over the stuff they were going to try and cover today on the Wrap Up Show.
Robin read through some other news about a woman who may have killed her husband, Al Gore coming out in support of Barack Obama, a gay marriage in California, the brains of gay people being found to be similar to the opposite sex, Tiger Woods winning his third U.S. Open, a new eco-friendly car that Honda just released, a phony doctor giving women gynalogical exams, David Hasslhoff being back on ''America's Got Talent,'' Tori Spelling's new show, the Catholic Church banning the shoot of a new movie and more.
Robin also read some sports news about basketball and baseball. She talked about Amy Winehouse fainting out in public and also Anne Hathaway in Get Smart. That led to Howard and Artie talking about how they're not sure this movie is going to go over very well compared to the old TV shows. Howard said that there's no chance it'll be any good.