Howard said he ran into Mark Green who ran for Mayor of New York out in The Hamptons. He talked about that for a short time. He also ran into an old friend by the name of Kevin Goldman. Howard said he thought the guy looked older than him but his girlfriend told him he really didn't.
Howard said that Sammy Hagar was coming in today so he talked about that for a short time. Gary came in and said that he went to the MTV Video Music Awards last week and ended up just drinking. Gary said he went down to the bathroom and ran into David Lee Roth who was talking to anyone who walked by. He said he talked to him for about 20 minutes. He'll be in later in the week to talk about his tour with Sammy Hagar.
Howard said they have to talk about the Video Music Awards and some of the stuff that went on. The guys spent a few minutes talking about Axl Rose and how bad he looked and sounded on the show.
Robin said she spent her vacation out in California in ''wine country'' drinking. She said Howard would have loved it.
Howard also commented on Program Director Ken Stevens being fired along with Opie and Anthony. Howard said that guy was a two faced traitor. Howard said he warned Ken about Opie and Anthony trying too hard and how they were going to get themselves in trouble. Howard said he's happy that he got fired too.
Howard talked about how he was the pioneer in the radio talk show syndication thing and all of these guys stole his idea. It took him a long time to get that deal worked out and these guys came along and got the deal almost immediately.
Howard said he wants to go out with grace and style in 3 years. He claims that he's done when his contract is up.
Howard said he had nothing personal against those two but he can't stand the whole state of radio these days.
Gary told Howard that he got a lot of e-mail about this situation and people were saying that Howard should be defending these guys because he started it all. But Howard doesn't endorse illegal activity. He said if he came on the air today and said it was ''kidnapping day'' then he'd probably get fired.
Howard continued his discussion about Ken Stevens who was canned along with Opie and Anthony. Howard said if the company hires him back then they should lose their license to the FCC.
Howard took a call from Melrose Larry Green who had tape of Jerry Falwell badmouthing him. Howard called Falwell a ''con-man'' and let Melrose play his tape. Falwell went on to say that the FCC should have taken care of these ''Howard Stern-type'' shows a long time ago. Howard said they all point the finger at his show when these clones screw up like they do. Howard said when he's done in 3 years people can listen to Bubba the Love Sponge instead.
Melrose said he's headlining at a comedy club down in Texas this week and you can find out more about that at ComicSpotLight.com.
Melrsose also had tape of the Greaseman talking about Howard. Howard and the crew went on to talk about some of the dumb things that guy has done in his career. They goofed on him for a couple of minutes and then let Melrose play his tape. The Greaseman commented on the Opie and Anthony thing and said that he doesn't believe that they'll be hired by a big company anytime soon. Howard said the whole interview was boring though.
Gary said that there was a rumor floating that another station in New York was going to hire Opie and Anthony after they were fired. The company that owns the station put out a statement that said they won't be hiring them anywhere, on any of their stations. Howard went on to say that he'll have them on his show now. He said he'll have them spin the wheel of sex or something like that. He said they could have on the Greaseman and Opie and Anthony as judges or something like that.
Howard started to wrap up the discussion repeating that you just can't have people doing anything illegal like they did on their show. He went on to say that if they were inspired by him to do what they were doing, they should have just done their own thing and left him out of it.
Artie said that Howard knows he could get High Pitch Erik to do just about anything for him but he's never had him do anything illegal. Howard said he could have Erik kill someone for him if he wanted. Erik called in and said that he would kill for Howard. Scary. The guys then spent some time talking about how strange Erik is. He went up on stage at a comedy show that Artie was doing and refused to get off stage until Artie agreed to hug him. KC said he did the same thing to him at a show he was at recently.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said that Opie and Anthony once admitted that they listened to Howard every day and were doing his show. Then they get on the air and say they never listen. Howard said he just doesn't get that whole thing.
Howard was about to take another break but got sidetracked for a minute when he said his vacation was great because he and his girlfriend Beth just had sex the whole time. He said they had sex every day except when his kids were there. After saying that he took a break.
John told Howard some of the stuff that he has learned from body language but Howard ended up cutting him off. He wanted the guy to get to his point. John told Howard what he thinks Howard and Robin are like as well as a few of the other people on the show. Howard ended up cutting him off again and tried to get to the point. John had talked about how Robin was an expressive person while Howard was the opposite of him and that's what he needs. Robin said she's really not like that off the air though. Howard said he was done with the discussion after about 5 minutes. He gave him a plug and ended the call. You can find out more about John at JohnBoe.com.
Howard also asked Sammy about the MTV Video Music Awards since he was there. The two of them spent a few minutes talking about Axl Rose and what happened to him. Sammy pointed out how Axl was winded within 30 seconds of getting on stage. He said if Axl had to do a 2 hour show he would have been in trouble. The guys also talked about the hot chicks on the show. Howard said he thought Christina Aguilera looked great with her fake boobies hanging out of her outfit. Sammy told Howard he's not a fan of implants. Howard said he is and that may be because he's had sex with so many fake dolls and fake vaginas through the years. Howard told him about his sex with the Real Doll and with the fake Jenna Jameson vagina that rubbed him raw because he didn't use enough lube.
Howard said the main reason Sammy was in was to give away some trips to Cabo San Lucas. Howard was going to give away a couple on the air so he picked up the phone. This guy Tim then bad mouthed Howard about the way his show has been over the past couple of years. He doesn't like the way Howard runs the show and the guests he has on these days. Howard then told the guy he wasn't going to give him the prize. The guy changed his tune about Sammy and said that he was great. Howard then changed his mind and gave him the trip. He wrapped up the interview a short time later. You can find out more about Sammy and his stuff at RedRocker.com
Howard came back from break and talked about what was going to be on E! tonight and about tonight's episode of ''Son of the Beach.'' He then went on to talk about how Matthew Perry of ''Friends'' spoke out about him in a People magazine article. Howard talked about him recently after reading that Perry was back to drinking after going through rehab. Perry said that Howard was the one saying that he was fat and drinking again so Howard thinks he's insane and there's something wrong with him. He went off on him for a short time and then talked about his own drinking. Gary came in and said that Howard used to sit there and talk about how he hated drinking and now he's doing it quite often and bragging about it.
Howard said he read another article in the New York Times that rated celebrity divorces and they gave him an A+ for the way he handled his. Howard went on to talk about the couples that got F's on their divorces. Some of those included Ron Perlman, Billy Bob Thornton and Rudy Giuliani. Howard said Bruce Willis got a C on his divorce from Demi Moore. Howard said he'd give an F- to OJ Simpson and Robert Blake on their divorces.
Howard moved on to talk about the MTV Video Music Awards. He talked about how the worst part of the awards show was the music. He said that Justin Timberlake is a woman. The music he was singing was really feminine according to Howard. He also talked about Eminem and how he was trying to be tough by picking on Moby. Howard said that's like picking on a girl though. He goofed on him about that and played the clip where he threatened Moby saying that he would ''hit a man with glasses.'' Howard took a call from Vinnie Favale from CBS who gave him the history of Moby and Eminem's dislike for each other. Howard continued to talk about the awards show for a few minutes. He played a bunch of other clips of speeches that were made. He also commented on some of the hot chicks that were there. Howard said he thought that the Olsen Twins looked pretty bad. He said they haven't been getting taller as they get older so their heads are too big for their heads. Robin told Howard that she has seen something about pictures being taken of the Olsen Twins in bikini's on a beach somewhere. All of the guys wanted to see the pictures but Robin said she should sell the information because they want it so bad. Howard continued playing clips and said that he thought Jimmy Fallon was pretty good as the host of the VMAs. He played one clip where Jimmy joked about some fat guy eating one of the Olsen twins and said that wasn't funny. Then he played a clip of Fallon doing a bit where he played the hosts of ''American Idol'' that he found pretty funny. That got him sidetracked for a couple of minutes. He talked about ''American Idol'' for a few minutes. He said while he was on vacation he was actually suckered into voting during the show. He said he was drunk at the time but he tried calling to vote. He said the line was busy so he gave up. The next morning he woke up and said that he tried again and the line was still busy. Robin said that she heard that something like 85 million people called in to vote. Howard had to take a break before getting to Robin's news segment.
Before Cabbie got off the phone he told Howard that he's now lost 110 pounds using this Trim Spa stuff that he's always plugging. He brought up Jerry Lewis' big head while he was talking about losing the weight and said he's not sure if that can help out with the big, fat head thing.
Howard changed subjects and brought up Tom Green who was scheduled for the show later in the morning. He said he thinks the new movie he's in looks better than the last one he was in. Howard also said that Ryan Phillippe is sick so he wouldn't be coming in but would call in instead.
Howard said that his picture is all over the newspapers this morning because of his comments on Opie and Anthony yesterday. He said that he is the ugliest guy. He went on to talk about how bad he thinks he looks and about other DJs who look horrible. He said if you're a fan of a big, fat radio DJ you can go on their web site and never see a picture of them. Artie and Robin saw some of the pictures of Howard and talked about how bad the pictures are that they use. The guys in the studio told Howard that he's one of the better looking DJs out there though.
After taking a break Howard said he's going to have a contest where people will take pictures of big, fat DJs and he'll post them on his web site. He went on to talk about how the fun of doing his job has been lost. He said that all of the DJs ripping him off and then bad mouthing him just pisses him off. That's why he's leaving radio in 3 years when his contract is up. Howard said that because of what happened with Opie and Anthony did it's effecting him. He went to Tom Chiusano for some money to do a bit and Tom turned him down because he wasn't comfortable with what he was going to be doing. It wasn't illegal like what Opie and Anthony did but Tom still wasn't ready to give him the money he needs. Howard said the bit would have been great. Howard said the bit involved porno stars but he didn't elaborate on what else it involved. He continued to complain about his clones and how they've ruined everything by ripping him off badly. He said that he's now under investigation because of what these other dopes have done. He told Fred to write a new song called ''Send in the Clones'' about all of these DJs.
Artie and Robin said they wanted to know what this bit was that Howard was talking about. He wouldn't say what it was though. Robin Radzinski came in and said that it really was a great bit and still is a great bit. But Tom just won't allow it to happen at this point.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him not to quit radio. Howard said it's already a done deal and he's already sat down with Robin to talk about ending the show. Robin confirmed that and said that they really are done when his contract is up. Howard said that he should have patented his format because he'd be a billionaire like Bill Gates is today.
Howard moved on and took a call from Melrose Larry Green. Melrose went to the taping of ''American Idol'' and got an interview with host Brian Dunkleman. He managed to get a seat in the third row right behind previous contestant Nikki. He said that he spoke to her and she's a big fan of the show. Melrose went on to say that Justin's brother and father also listen to the show. He then told Howard that Brian Dunkleman who said that he's going to nail Howard's girlfriend. He also said that when Beth is having sex with Howard she's actually thinking of him. Howard let Melrose talk about some of the other stuff he did at the show for about 2 minutes before he had to take another break.
Howard told Benjy he had a home run with that call. Benjy will be calling Hazel as an Alien next.
Howard had to take another break before playing another phony phone call. When he came back they played a song parody called ''Hank's Way'' to the tune of Frank Sinatra's ''My Way'' which was all about Hank the dwarf. Howard also quickly mentioned that they're doing a special show for September 11th. He said they'll have a bunch of people calling in that morning to tell stories and stuff like that.
Howard then got back to the phony phone call stuff. He had a call that these guys up in Montreal made to Britney Spears. They called her and did a really bad impression of Celine Dion. Celine kisses Britney's ass for a few minutes and then asks her to do a duet. They eventually get around to asking Britney if they can borrow her breasts and break the news to her that they just pranked her. Howard said Britney was so dumb that she had no clue that it wasn't Celine even though the impression was horrible. The call came from RadioPranks.com
Since they were on the subject of Britney Spears Howard said that he recently spoke to this DJ on his station Chris Booker who is dating Jennifer Lopez's sister Linda. He got sidetracked for a minute when he brought up Linda's broken toe and how he helped her out when she broke it a couple of months back. Apparently the toe is still a mess and it hasn't healed. He said that she's got at least another 8 weeks of healing.
Howard finally got to his point and said that Booker read this article about Britney Spears that he got from a South African newspaper. Howard told him to give it to him so someone would actually hear about it. He read it on the air this morning. The article says that Britney has been hanging out with porn star Jenna Jameson and she's really into watching lesbian porn movies. Howard said that Booker was reading the article on his show really slowly. I guess because it sounds so sexy and hot. Howard tried doing the same thing. He read the article and then told Gary that they have to get Jenna on the show to find out more about it.
Howard moved on to an article about Tom that he read in some tabloid. They had pictures of Tom with a bunch of women he picked up at a bar. He took them into his hot tub but not much happened according to Tom. The article said something about Tom taking one of the girls into his room to show her his oil painting of Cindy Crawford. Howard asked him about the painting because that sounded kind of odd. Tom said he bought a bunch of these oil paintings from some shop he ran across while walking down the street. The guy had an oil painting of Regis that he thought was pretty cool so he bought that and a bunch of others.
Howard got to Tom's new movie and said it looks like it'll be much more normal than ''Freddie Got Fingered.'' Tom said it is pretty normal and it shouldn't offend people like ''Freddie'' did. Howard talked about some of the scenes he's seen previewed and it looks pretty funny to him.
Howard took some phone calls for Tom before wrapping up the interview. He also talked about Drew a little more. He and the guys asked Tom if Drew hates it when Howard bad mouths her on the air. Of course she does.
High Pitch Erik called in and asked Tom how it felt to have his wife leave him. Howard said that Erik hasn't even gotten laid so he shouldn't be talking. Erik said he did get laid... once.
Howard took another call from a guy who wanted to know how Tom's one testicle was doing since he lost one to cancer. Howard talked to him about that for a short time. He talked to Tom about ''Freddie Got Fingered for a little while also. Tom said that it's actually done very well since it was released on DVD. Artie told Howard that it's a great movie. Howard said his daughter is also a fan of the movie.
Tom said that the last time he was on the show Howard gave him his number. He programmed it into his cell phone and one day he accidentally dropped it into the toilet and lost the number. Howard told him he'd give it to him again but he doesn't want him using it. He wrapped up the interview a short time later.
After taking a break Howard said that Tom gave him a Rolex watch. He said he knows it's probably fake though. Howard went on to talk about how his company has never given him anything nice like that for all the years he's put in there. Howard said he wishes that someone would leave him an inheritance or something so he can get off the air already. He said he'd leave radio if he got an inheritance from a fan or something like that.
Ryan said he's a big fan of Howard's show. He was at the Debella funeral when Howard held that years ago. Ryan said he was in Philadelphia at the time and managed to get there to see it. Howard talked about that memorable time in his career. Ryan told Howard he grew up in Delaware and traveled from there to New York to audition for parts. He would listen to Howard in the mornings as they were going to auditions.
Howard asked Ryan if he knew he was good looking when he was a kid. Ryan said he didn't really think of himself that way.
Robin asked him why he got married at such a young age. Ryan told them that Reese is a great person and he's not a competitive person so he settled down with her. He also told them that there was no pre-nuptial agreement. Howard said that means he will get half of her money if they ever divorce.
Howard asked Ryan if Reese was there next to him while he was on the phone. Ryan said that he wasn't in the same room. She was up in the bedroom with the baby. Howard went on to say that he doesn't understand how they can be married so young. He also told Ryan he heard that he suffers from depression and he wanted to smack him in the head when he heard that. Ryan asked Howard if he's completely happy with his life. Howard said he's pretty close now. Ryan said that he goes to therapy for his depression. Robin wondered what he could possibly talk about in therapy. He told them that he talks about his career and where he wants to go with that.
Howard got back to Reese and said he's got some nudes of her from a movie she did. He got them from MrSkin.com and said that she's got some nice boobs and a great body. Ryan agreed with him of course.
Howard talked to Ryan about how he met Reese and more about their relationship. Howard also brought up a story that Mike Walker from the National Enquirer mentioned one time. Mike said that Ryan keeps Reese on a curfew but Ryan said that's not true.
Howard got around to plugging the new movie that Ryan is in called ''Igby Goes Down.'' Ryan told Howard about the movie and mentioned that Amanda Peet is in the movie. Howard said that's a bad thing and no movie that she's been in has done well. He told Ryan that they should edit her out of it before they release it. He said she'll put the voo doo jinx on it. Howard said it's a good thing his wife is wealthy because this movie probably won't do well.
Howard said Ryan didn't come to the studio this morning because he was apparently home with the flu. He sure didn't sound sick on the phone so Howard mentioned that. Ryan said he actually didn't want to travel because he didn't want to miss ''American Idol'' last night. Howard then spent a few minutes talking about the show and the bad songs that the contestants were singing last night. He played a clip from the show to show just how bad the songs were. Howard and Ryan said that this proves that you can't just take someone and slap them on stage and make them a star. Howard said it's about making your own songs and your own thing.
Howard started to wrap up the interview when he asked Ryan if any of these casting directors ever came on to him. Ryan said one time something did happen where a guy asked him to audition and wanted him to take his shirt off. He said he got out of there before that happened though.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wanted to know if Ryan thought that Angelina Jolie was a wacky chick when he worked with her. Ryan said she was normal and really cool when they were working together. Howard took another call from a guy who said that he pleasures himself to Reese's image all the time. The caller also wanted Ryan to put her on the phone so he could have phone sex with her. He said that he would but she was sleeping. A woman called in and accused Ryan of not leaving a tip at a restaurant her friend was working at. Ryan said that's not possible because he used to be a waiter and makes it a point to leave a substantial tip when he goes out to eat. Howard said that maybe someone else was paying for the meal and they didn't leave a tip. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that.
Howard got back to the book, by Gabe Fischbarg, and went through a few of tips he gives. He seemed to agree with some of the tips the guy had. The guy said that straight guys should never dance when trying to pick up chicks. If you're a good dancer you look like a douche bag and if you're bad, you look like a spaz. The guy also says that you should create demand and tell women about some of the dates you've been on before. He had a bunch of other tips about the first phone call, first dates and a bunch of other stuff. Howard said the book is called ''The Guide to Picking Up Girls.'' It will be released next month.
Greg Fitzsimmons stuck around and told a couple of stories about midgets, dwarfs and comedian Wayne Brady being a dick (he told the same story when he was on Nov. 26, 2001). Howard then moved on and had Robin do her news. Greg sat in and commented on some of the stories Robin brought up during the news. Check Greg's web site for his upcoming appearances at comedy clubs around the country... GregFitzsimmons.com
Howard mentioned his girlfriend's calendar (Available at BethO.com) while they were talking about FHM magazine. He said that people have told him that the pictures in her calendar are much better than the FHM photo shoot. Stuttering John is one of those people so Howard ended up talking to him about his obsession with her. John was also talking about how some people are obsessed with his wife too. He said Benjy is one of them and it's kind of strange.
Howard wanted John to talk about just how obsessed he is with Beth but John said he has never fantasized about sleeping with her or anything like that. Howard doesn't seem to believe that though. He wanted John to just come out with it and talk about how wacky he really is.
Howard took a break and when he came back he replayed the phony phone call that Benjy made the other day. They played it yesterday and Howard liked it enough to replay it. KC came in after the call and said that they had to edit the call because it was like 20 minutes long. He said that when Benjy called her back to get her permission to play it on the air, she still thought it was President Clinton.
Howard had a story about Jim Florentine who loves to play pranks on people all the time. He once had the waiter at a restaurant keep putting ''fresh ground pepper'' on his food until there is a pile there. KC said yesterday Jim did the same thing and had the waiter there for 8 minutes grinding fresh pepper the first time. Then the guy goes away, comes back and asks if he wants water with that. Jim then asks for more pepper and has him grind for another 3 minutes. The manager eventually comes back and asks if he can have some more pepper and the waiter back to do it. KC said that when the guy grinds more pepper Jim farts on him. That's when KC started laughing. Jim also asked the waiter to put more pepper in the middle of his plate in case he wanted to dip. KC said that he had about an inch and a half of pepper on his grilled chicken. KC brought in a sample of the mess that Jim made and everyone said it was just a pile of pepper.
Howard has a plan to keep President Bush in the White House instead of taking time to vacation. He's taken tons of vacation and Howard has talked about that in the past. Howard is now suggesting to remodel the White House to look like a dude ranch. He said that they can turn it into the set of ''Bonanza'' and dress up people like the characters on that show. Howard thinks Bush would love it and he'd stay in Washington DC instead of going back home to Texas to vacation. He said they could call it ''The Oval Corral.'' Howard said that they could add an 8 hole golf course too. Howard said a guy who takes as much vacation as Bush does, doesn't want to be President. Howard pointed out that the White House was changed for Presidents Kennedy and Clinton and they let women in there so why not change it for Bush?
Howard moved on and took a call from a guy who asked him what he thought about ''American Idol'' last night. Howard said he thought that the girl who won has lost her voice lately. He also pointed out how ''gay'' the show was. Howard also said that Paula Abdul has been the luckiest one from that show. He read that she just signed a record contract and they're going to try to bring her career back. Howard said he's thinking of doing his own show but with rock bands instead of pop singers. Howard said he's going to talk to some people about doing something like that.
After taking another break Howard spent a few minutes talking about the hosts of ''American Idol'' Ryan Seacrest and Brian Dunkleman. Howard said those two should just disappear. He has no need for them on any show apparently. He also quickly talked about the judges and how he thinks that Simon Cowell is gay after last night's show.
Howard had a couple of trips to give away courtesy of Sammy Hagar's Cabo Wabo Tequila so he played a Homeless Game with a guy who called in. Howard played the warm up from Benjy's interview with a homeless woman who only completed school through 8th grade. He then told the listener that he had to guess 3 out of 5 correct to win the trip. Howard then played the tape of the first 5 questions. Here are the questions and the homeless woman's answers:
Robin ended up asking Howard if he's been watching the Anna Nicole Smith show lately. He said he hasn't seen it for the past couple of weeks but that doesn't mean he doesn't dislike it. He just hasn't caught it. They spent a few minutes talking about that before Howard took a call from a guy who said that there were none of those annoying scrolls on the E! show last night. Howard figured his agent finally took care of that but he soon found out that E! had a power outage and the scrolls didn't run so they'll be back.
Howard took a call from another person who wanted to play for the Cabo Wabo Tequila trip. He quickly played another Homeless Game for the guy. Here are the questions and the homeless woman's answers:
Howard got back to tonight's football celebration and said that Jon Bon Jovi and Enrique Iglesias are supposed to be performing. Robin said they're expecting New Years Eve sized crowds for this celebration too. Howard knows it's going to wreak havoc with traffic in the city.
Howard then got back to Drew and his TV shows. Last year the ratings for ''The Drew Carey Show'' dipped a bit so Howard brought that up. He also asked Drew about how great they treat him now that he's a big TV star. He told Howard how great they treat him when he flies anywhere. He said they used to fly him around on a private jet and stuff like that. Howard said he doesn't get that kind of treatment being in radio. He said he makes a pretty good living but he doesn't get the treatment TV stars do.
Drew spent a short time talking about his friend Sam Simon who was one of the creators of The Simpsons cartoon. He has tons of money from that so Howard and Drew talked about that for a short time. Howard also brought up Drew's stripper girlfriend who he's broken up with. Howard soon found out that Drew is still paying for her to go to college even though they've broken up. Howard and the guys goofed on him a little bit about that and had some fun. Drew said the problems started after he forgot her birthday. Howard said Drew will probably remember his girlfriend's birthday from now on.
Howard took a few phone calls and plugged Drew's TV shows which have moved to Monday nights on ABC. ''The Drew Carey Show'' airs at 8pm, Monday's and that's followed by Drew's other show ''Whose Line is it Anyway'' at 8:30pm. Drew said that he thought ''Whose Line...'' was only going to be a summer show but now it's on during the regular season.
Howard spent a short time talking to Drew about his heart condition and how he found out about that. Drew told him about that and said that he's now watching his diet more because of it.
Howard asked Drew if he's going to go to Scores while he's in town. Drew said he's got to fly to a bunch of different markets to do some promotion for his show but his dream is to one day go to a strip club with Howard.
Howard took a few more phone calls for Drew and wrapped up the interview after telling Drew he's going to finally check out his TV show this season. It's been on for 7 years and he hasn't seen it yet. He wrapped up the interview after a half hour or so.
Howard got off that subject and ended up talking about Stuttering John and his injured puppy for a short time. John talked about his puppy's injured leg before they went on vacation and said that he wasn't sure how it happened. ARtie said he and Nick DiPaolo saw how it might have happened when they went over to John's house and saw the dog laying on the Welcome mat. It probably got stepped on. Howard lectured John on raising the puppy for a short time and said that he should be researching how to raise the dog the right way.
The dog conversation led to raising kids and Gary had to tell some stories about what happened with him last weekend. He said he got to go to the MTV Music Video Awards on Thursday and stayed out all night. That morning his wife called him and told him she was getting sick. Howard said of course she was getting sick, Gary was going out to have some fun so he was going to suffer later. Gary said that she really was sick the next day though. Howard said he believes it but it was all because Gary was out having fun. Gary said the next day he had to take her to the doctor because she was so sick and for the rest of the long weekend it was just him and the kids. Howard always goofs on Gary about how his wife makes him take care of the kids even though he seems to think it's her job. Howard and John are always telling Gary he should put his foot down on the weekends and not be forced to take care of the kids like he's been doing. Howard took another break after Gary told them about his weekend with the kids. After the break Robin did her news segment.
After taking a break Howard spent a short time talking about Rosh Hashanah. He then moved on to last night's football game with the Giants and the Jets. Howard talked about Bon Jovi's opening night concert and how they closed off a lot of the streets around the area where they played. Howard said he was spending some time with his accountant talking about financing a house out in the Hamptons. Robin told him he's getting in at the wrong time because everything is so high out there. He went on to say that he wasn't able to drive the guy to his office because of the street closures around the area. Howard said he felt bad dropping him off so far from his office.
Howard said that singer Tom Petty heard that he's retiring in 3 years and wrote a song about it. Howard said it turns out the guy is a big fan of his. Howard played the song, which is called ''The Last DJ'', but Petting sings about all kinds of DJs so it could be about anyone. Robin pointed out that the lyrics didn't have much to do with Howard but he told her it wasn't meant to be literal. Howard said their Program Director, Steve Kingston, told him that Tom Petty sent them a note about writing it about him. Howard said the song is on Tom's latest album,''The Last DJ'', which nobody seems to care about.
A listener called in and complained about Howard talking about his retirement again. He told Howard ''..be funny...'' which pissed Howard off. He told the guy he does 5 hours of show every day and he just talks off the top of his head. He calmed down a little bit and talked about how he will miss being on the radio when he leaves but all of his clones are annoying him by ripping him off and then bad mouthing him.
Howard moved on again and brought up this movie ''Vulgar'' that he's talked about in the past few months. It features a clown getting raped. Howard said the movie was awful and he told everyone that it sucked but people still went to see it. It's out on DVD and Howard had a copy but he had no reason to watch it again so he gave it to Artie.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who had Melrose Larry Green booked for a 1000 seat theater somewhere and only 14 paying customers showed up to see his stand-up act. He said they had about 60 people total but most of those tickets were given away free so the people who did show up were pissed. Howard was amazed that someone would hire Melrose for a 1000 seat theater.
Howard took a quick call from a guy who saw an Imus commercial where they feature his big ranch and Imus in a cowboy outfit. Will, the guy who does research for Howard, came in and said that he saw the commercial. He described it and Howard goofed on Imus for a short time. He did his impression of Imus and made fun of the whole cowboy thing. Robin and Artie joined in too.
Howard asked Leena if she's made out a will yet because she's getting up there in age. Howard said he heard that Leena thinks of him as her own son so he slowly worked into trying to get her to put him in her will. He asked her if she'd let him have sex with her too. She said ''no'' and she hasn't had sex in 30 years so why would she start now. She went on to say that her husband dropped dead and it was probably from all the sex she gave him. He was only 57 years old. Howard said it's always the women who live longer because the guys are out working hard while they sit home.
Gary came in and said that Leena thinks that her 13 year old granddaughter should be listening to Howard but her daughter won't let her. Howard eventually got around to asking Leena to put him in her will. She said all she has is her house and her kids are going to get that. She said she could leave him all of her cassettes of his show but he doesn't need those. Howard asked her to leave him something in her will. She said she'd try to think of something. Howard said he'd like to fly her in to New York and have her change her will on the air. She thought that was a pretty funny joke but she'd think about it.
Howard spent a few more minutes asking Leena about her live and how she's managed to live so long. She answered all of his questions no problem. Howard then said he'd like to give her breast implants. He said they could make her look 80. She told him she doesn't need them though. He ended up giving her $500 courtesy of Artisen Entertainment and the DVD release of ''Reservoir Dogs.'' Before getting off the phone Howard asked Leena if she ever had anal sex. She said she never did but her husband did ask her to do it. She said he was the only guy she ever had. Howard asked Leena to think about putting him in her will and then wrapped up the call.
Beatrice said that she's been in psychic contact with the late comedians John Belushi and Lenny Bruce. She says that they have ideas for Howard that they wanted her to relay to him. She told him a couple of the ideas they had for him and they weren't funny. Howard asked her if those guys died and got unfunny all of a sudden.
Beatrice told Howard that she met Robert De Niro at the Sean Penn and Robin Wright wedding. Howard just said ''Ahhh.. a couple of retards.'' when he heard their names. He spent a short time talking to her about that and then asked her some other questions before wrapping up the interview. He was having trouble ending the interview though. She wouldn't stop talking to Howard muted his voice and told Fred to just play the Robert De Niro clips over her. Howard tried again to wrap it up but she kept going into these detailed stories that he just didn't want to sit through. She mentioned Tupac Shakur so Howard asked her who killed him. She started rambling so Howard told her to just tell him who killed Tupac. It turns out she had no idea. Howard kept muting his voice and talking over her as she rambled on and on. After a few minutes of that he gave her another plug and wrapped up the call.
After a short interview Howard got Mike Walker from the National Enquirer on the line so they could play the game. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Nancy. He gave her a few plugs for her Playboy Lingerie issues and talked to her about sex. She told him that she lost her virginity 2 weeks before her 16th birthday. Howard took a couple of phone calls and tried to get her to show them some skin. One caller told Howard that in high school she went away for 2 weeks and came back with huge boobs. She claims to have real breasts so Howard wanted to check them out. She didn't want to show them without her boyfriend's permission. Howard tried to call the guy but the phone system was giving him fits. They eventually dialed the number but it was busy. The guys didn't understand why they needed permission because she didn't have a ring on her finger. Howard actually wanted to feel her boobs so that's what he needed permission to do. Howard said he could tell if her boobs were real or not by touching them. They eventually got the boyfriend on the phone but he denied Howard access to them. Gary came in and offered him $2000 but he turned it down. Nancy said that Howard could hug her though. Howard had her come over to him and gave her a hug. He was dry humping her according to the guys in the studio. They told the boyfriend that he should have let Howard see her boobs because what he was doing was even worse. Howard wrapped up the interview after that. Nancy appears in the current issue of Playboy Lingerie and in Playboy's Voluptuous Vixens issue.
Dave and the 3 musicians he had with him performed short versions of songs like...
After closing up with ''Everybody Wants Some'' KC came in and said that a huge fan of David Lee's was waiting to come in. It turned out to be High Pitch Erik. He came in but Howard told him not to shake Dave's hand. He did it anyway. Erik then asked Dave and the guys to play ''Hot For Teacher'' so he could sing his version ''Hot For KC.'' They did it and Erik screeched out his gay lines for being Hot for KC. Howard then wrapped up the segment and took a break.
You can find out more about what Dave is up to at DavidLeeRoth.com.
High Pitch Erik hung around so Howard spent some time talking to him... until KC pointed out that he had snot running out of his nose. Howard was pretty grossed out by that and wanted him to leave the studio. Erik ended up wiping his nose on his shirt and Howard said there was snot all over it.
Howard spent a short time talking about Benjy and his Bally Total Fitness diet. He recently started working out again trying to win $10,000 from Bally. He has to lose 25 pounds in a month or something like that. Howard said they got tape of him working out and he wasn't even able to do one push up. He said Benjy's trainer had to use a towel wrapped around him to help him with a sit up.
Howard took a call from a woman who told him she put him in her will. Howard and the guys tried to find out how much money she's leaving him but she didn't want to reveal that. Howard thanked her and gave her one of the $500 prizes that he's been giving away this week. Howard said if people leave him enough in their will, he'll do a eulogy for them at their funeral. He said the minimum should be $100,000.