Howard was sickened by the fact that ''Austin Powers in Goldmember'' made as much money as it did over the weekend. He said it got horrible reviews and still did amazing at the box office.
Howard took a phone call from a woman who wanted to know why, after waiting to give herself to a man, he never called back after getting her. Howard figured that maybe she was bad in bed or the guy is just a guy and didn't want to call back. He said it's probably not even her, it's just the guy. He just had a one night stand in his mind and he didn't bother to call. Howard wondered how this woman looked. She claims that she gets hit on a lot. That led to Howard talking about how his girlfriend is constantly bothered by guys. He said they went jogging together over the weekend and some ''hillbilly'' in a truck was yelling to her that she should be with him and his buddies. Howard continued to talk to the woman and tried to get her to come down to the station so they could check her out. She said she was taking care of her nephew today so she couldn't come down. She eventually agreed to come down at some point so Howard can check her out and let her know what's wrong with her. He said he'd even sniff her out to find out if she has vaginosis. Howard figures she'll never show up.
After taking a break first thing Howard moved on to talk about the Pope going out making speeches at the World Youth Day and how you couldn't understand what he was saying half the time.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him that no piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times. Howard tried it and said he was right. The caller then told Howard a few other facts about how donkeys kill a lot of people every year and something about germs in toothbrushes. Howard said that these people who make us fear germs so much are killing us. Howard said he had a dream about going to the bathroom at some place and he had to pee in a sink and it was all dirty and it freaked him out. The caller continued with his wacky facts. He said that 35% of the personal ads put in newspapers are put in by people who are already married.
Howard got sidetracked and spent some time talking about this air show plane crash that happened over the weekend. He said he wants to see tape of the jet crashing into the crowd that killed like 78 people. Howard and the guys spent some time talking about other dangerous sports like hockey where people can get whacked by a puck. He eventually got back to the coal miners and how horrible that is before the caller gave him some more of his facts. He claims that apples have caffeine in them but Howard didn't believe that. He also said that most copying machines that have their tops broken are because of people trying to copy their asses. Howard believed that because Fred did it one time at the station when he was trying to copy his ass. Howard got sick of the facts after a little while so he wanted to get the guy off the phone. The guy yelled out ''Bill O'Reilly rules'' as he was getting ready to hang up so Howard ended up talking about him for a short time. Howard tried to tell the caller that Bill O'Reilly really doesn't ''rule.''
Another phone caller asked Howard what's up with Gary always coming in and trying to get women to take their tops off. He wondered if Gary is getting laid at home. Gary came in and said that he's not the one who thinks about offering the money, it's Stuttering John. He also admitted that he's not getting laid at home either. Howard talked to him about how he should be getting laid all the time because his wife doesn't have anything else to do. He said she should be reading books about how better to please her husband while he's out making money. Stuttering John came in and said he doesn't get laid that often anymore either. Howard said John used to get laid all the time when he was single and now he doesn't get any. Howard bragged that he and his girlfriend are still having sex all the time and he thinks it's because of the whole marriage thing. Robin said it's probably the kids that ruin it. Gary said that kids really are exhausting. He talked about how they were constantly watching them at the pool over the weekend and they didn't even have a chance to relax for 10 seconds.
Howard took another break and ended up talking about how he had to take a leak in his limo over the weekend. He was on a long drive out to the Hamptons and took a pee in a champagne bucket. Ronnie said he saw that the bucket was missing so he asked Gary the limo driver where it was and he told him to just ask Howard about it. Ronnie said he didn't ask about it, he just waited until this morning when he heard Howard sneaking the bucket back into the limo this morning. Howard said he washed it out with dishwashing liquid. He also said that his girlfriend ended up watching him pee in the bucket.
Howard quickly mentioned a web site that he checked out called RateMyCamelToe.com where you can rate women's camel toe on a scale of 1 to 10. He didn't talk about it long though, just quickly mentioned it.
Howard talked about how she's the hot one on the show now and that's why they put her on these billboards all over the place. Howard said the billboards say ''Born to be Wild'' and have a picture of Jillian. He said when they put that slogan on there, it means that she's really not that wild. She admitted that's true. She said that her wild days are over.
Howard spent some time talking to her about being on the Zoloft and wondered why she had to be on it. She explained to Howard why she thinks she needs it but he told her that she probably just needs sex. She said he's probably right. Stuttering John said he was on that drug for a while and it made it very hard to ''finish'' during sex.
Howard got some letter from someone who told him what to ask her about. The letter had him ask her about not wanting to have kids because she was afraid of stretch marks. She said that's not really true and Pam Anderson doesn't have any after 2 kids so she wouldn't be afraid of that. The letter had a bunch of other things to ask about so he quickly went through them.
Jillian ended up asking Howard if he watches ''Crank Yankers'' on Sunday night. Howard said he liked the pilot but he just doesn't have the time to watch all of these shows that are on. He said he should probably record them on his TiVo but he doesn't bother.
Howard read some more facts about Jillian and her family. He talked about how her parents gave her away to an orphanage when she was born and tried to get her back but the orphanage lied to them and said they'd already placed her in a home. Howard said ''no wonder why she's on Zoloft...'' He said she really is screwed up.
Crazy Cabbie called in after hearing about how Jillian was able to find her parents later in he life after she was given up for adoption. Cabbie was wondering how she found them so easily because the Stern show has been looking for his parents for years now. Gary said they're still trying to find them so they can try to talk to them about giving him up. Jillian said she might be able to help them out by hooking them up with who she used.
Howard and Jillian continued to talk about how she really just needs to get laid. Howard also asked her if she has ever been offered a shot in Playboy. She said she has had offers like that but she doesn't think that it's for her. She thinks she'd be fired if she did a nude shoot.
Howard spent a little more time talking about Jillian's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder behavior before wrapping up the interview.
Howard played a couple of new ''The Onion Radio News'' phony bits that he found pretty funny.
Howard went through some other real news stories about various things like how they're having a hard time finding people to work as airport screeners. That led to the guys talking about how no one in that type of job can speak any English. Robin told a story about a guy working at a parking garage who couldn't speak English and she was unable to communicate with him about a ticket machine that wasn't punching the time but they needed one to park their car. The guy just didn't understand what she was trying to say.
Howard spent a little more time on the coal miner story. He talked about what a horrible job it is and how they must get paid really well to do that kind of crap. Howard, Robin and Artie all told quick stories about jobs they had that sucked and quit and none of them were anywhere as bad as coal mining. Artie said he was going to be a dishwasher at some place and when the guy showed him the pile of dirty pots and pans he just walked out, got in his car and drove away. Robin said she quit a nursing job even though she really liked being a nurse. Howard said he quit an advertising job without giving notice one time too. Howard said he wasn't even sure what coal was used for these days. A woman called in and told him she knew and explained it's used for our country's energy source. She had no clue as to how it is used as an energy source so Howard goofed on her for that. He ended up hanging up on her because he got annoyed with her. A guy called in later and tried to explain to Howard how the coal is used. He did a little better at the explanation but it didn't seem to help much.
Howard moved on to talk about the Pope. Robin had tape of him making a speech so they tried to figure out what he was saying. He was apparently speaking English but they couldn't tell. Howard and the crew guessed at what he might have said but it didn't make much sense. Howard was able to follow some of it but a lot of it was just unintelligible. Howard thought he heard the Pope mention Regis (Philbin) at one point. Howard and Artie did their impressions of the Pope during the segment. Howard was also goofing on the Pope and how he might speak to young boys if he were a child molester. Artie brought up the message that they used to play from the Man Boy Love Association so Fred played that and it sounded like the voices they were doing for the Pope.
Howard said that the latest Playboy Magazine has the pictures of the 3 finalists in the special TV show they did a couple of months back. He said they're all gorgeous and Hugh Hefner sure knows how to pick 'em.
Howard said that Bruce Springsteen is usually a recluse but now that his album is out he's doing a lot of interviews. He said that he's going to be on with Ted Koppel. Howard said he doesn't understand that and wondered why he wouldn't do his show or even Z-100 in New York City. He said at least his audience buys records, unlike Ted Koppel's.
Melrose Larry Green called to tell Howard how much a coal miner makes. He said that, on average, a coal miner makes about 38,000 a year. Howard said that ain't much and even an airport screener makes more than that. Another caller told Howard that his sister still uses coal to heat her home. He told Howard they deliver it by the ton and that's what they use. Howard and the guys goofed on that for a little while. Howard and Artie did their backwoods hillbilly voices and pretended they were using coal to heat their homes.
Howard took a call from a guy who was pissed that Ozzy Osbourne was dropping out of the Ozzfest to take care of his wife Sharon while she goes through chemotherapy for her cancer. Howard said he should understand why the guy wants to be with his wife through that but the guy said Ozzy could fly in for his show and fly home since he's only on stage for an hour. Howard ended up playing some of Ozzy's music that he likes. He said that they're playing more Ozzy now that ''The Osbournes'' TV show has been such a hit. Howard said he likes that one that goes ''...Mama I'm coming home...'' and sang a few bars of that. He also played a tiny bit of ''Crazy Train'' but said that he doesn't like that one as much. He likes the beginning of it but when Ozzy starts singing it's not so good. Then he played ''No More Tears'' and said he really likes that one. He played a couple of minutes of that and said he was getting caught up in it but he had to take a break.
Mr. Shatner said that he has a nice modest home but Robin said he probably lives like Wayne Newton does. Howard remembered that Shatner had to live in a trailer after ''Star Trek'' was done. Shatner said he was actually ''trailer trash'' for a while.
Shatner was in to promote his latest book ''I'm Working on That: A Trek from Science Fiction to Science Fact'' which he described to Howard. Shatner said it's a book about what scientists are working on for the future. Howard wanted to know what we have in store for the future so Shatner described what the possibilities are for computers in the future and how they could have computers in a necklace similar to the one that was hanging on Howard's neck. They talked about some of the other possibilities and of course Howard wanted to know about what type of sex toys will be available some day. Shatner said he doesn't need anything like that because he's happily married. Howard thought that Shatner had been married about 5 times but Shatner said that's no true.
Shatner had some other stuff to promote today. He said that he's hosting VH-1's ''One Hit Wonders'' tonight at 10pm. Howard said he read a review of the show and they said that Shatner is the perfect host for it. The reviewer said they should have more of them with Shatner hosting. Shatner said that the show will air weekly.
Shatner also said that he's hosting ''Full Moon Fright Night'' on the Sci-Fi channel Saturday nights at 11pm. Howard said that Shatner asked him to appear on the show with him but he turned it down. Howard said he's too big to do that show.
Howard got a hold of the NY Post review of ''One Hit Wonders'' that he was talking about. He read it and it really was a rave review of the show and Shatner as the host.
Howard asked Shatner what else he's been up to lately. He said that he's going to be doing a paintball thing for charity on August 31st. You can find out more about that at Spplat.com.
Shatner talked about the last time he was on and Drunken Jeff called him a scumbag. He said he laughed for weeks after that. Artie did his impression and Shatner asked Howard if he hired that guy. Howard joked that he did while Fred played some clips of Jeff yelling at Shatner from that appearance.
Howard quickly went through a bunch of other stuff with Shatner before wrapping up the segment. Shatner mentioned that he flies his own plane and drives race cars once in a while. Howard doesn't understand why a celebrity would do something like that so he spoke to him about that for a short time. They also spoke about whether or not we should trust ''machines'' like GPS units and computers in our lives also. Shatner said we have to rely on ourselves and not machines while Howard said that we need to learn to trust computers more than we do now. He used the recent Russian jet crash as an example. He said that the computer in the plane told the pilot to do one thing but he trusted what the air traffic controllers told him to do instead and that was the wrong thing to do.
Howard wrapped up the interview after telling Shatner how much he likes him. He said he doesn't understand why so many of the ''Star Trek'' cast hated him so much.
Shatner brought up how he met Christopher Reeve after his accident so that led to a discussion about that whole thing. Howard thinks they should have let Reeve die after the accident so he asked Shatner if that's what he would have done. Shatner said that he doesn't know how Reeve feels but if it were him he'd want to die. Howard told Shatner that he met Reeve's wife and told her that he'd bang her in front of Reeve. Shatner sounded surprised at that so Howard went on and said he would then rape Chris and rob him... and then burn down his house because he can't do anything about it. Howard wrapped up the segment shortly after that and plugged Shatner's web site WilliamShatner.com
Howard said that Stuttering John got a dog, Gunther, and he has no clue how to take care of one. John said he loves that dog though. He said that he was having trouble with it going to the bathroom in the apartment but it's gotten over that problem. He said his wife wasn't too thrilled with the dog at first but she really likes it now.
Howard talked about how he wanted to get partial custody of his dog when he got his divorce but his lawyer told him to just forget that whole idea. He also didn't want to take the dog from the kids so he left it with his ex-wife.
Stuttering John talked about how he has to pick up the dog crap in a plastic bag when they go in the city. Howard said he has yet to do that. He's never picked up dog shit in a plastic bag in the city.
Somehow the subject got changed to Carmen Electra and whether or not Howard got her. He said that they hung out like 5 times a couple of years ago but he never slept with her. Stuttering John and the others on the show seem to think he must have done something with her. He keeps saying they didn't do anything even when they took a steam shower together... in their bathing suits. Howard said even if Carmen were on the show she would say the same thing. Gary asked if it was okay to book her for the show and he said it was fine. He made a comment about how if she had a story to tell he'd let her do it on the air and that seemed like he was cryptically saying that she might have something to say but he's not allowed to talk about it. We may find out if Carmen comes on the show any time in the future.
Howard said that Gary told him this morning that someone saw Imus' TV show and noticed that he carries a gun in his studio. Howard wondered who he thinks is going to kill him. Howard also wondered how he got a license to carry a gun. Howard then talked about how bizarre that guy is. Howard said he rips off everything he's ever done. He thinks that Imus had to get a gun license because he has had one for years. Howard talked about how Imus would even eat the same foods that he would when they were working together at WNBC. Howard also brought up Imus' sidekick Charles McCord and what a phony he thinks he was.
Howard changed subjects and said that he got a ton of e-mail about how he was bad mouthing Mike Myers. People told him to stop with his jealousy of him. Robin said she thinks they may be right because she went to see ''Austin Powers in Goldmember'' and laughed her ass off. She said she didn't want to like it but she did. Howard heard that and said that now he has to go see it. He and Robin spent a little time talking about that. Howard said he hates to see people like that succeed.
Howard mentioned that The Globe is saying that he's getting married to Beth because he was seen in a jewelry store with her a couple of weeks ago. Howard still says that he's not getting married though. Artie and Robin said there are worse things that they could be reporting.
Howard went through a bunch of other e-mail that he got. A few people complained about ''Evil David Letterman'' being on the show. There are a lot that like him though.
Other hate mail was sent about Howard's views on politics and the stock market going downhill. People complained about that stuff and a few other things before taking his first break.
He called in to a news network and told them that 2 people had died after being tea bagged by Howard Stern. The news anchor kept asking questions and Janks just kept it going telling the guy that they had Howard's balls on their chins. The guy had no clue what was going on and no one cut him off until he asked the guy if he was stupid or something. Janks isn't used to them letting him roll that long so he didn't know what else to do except call the anchor stupid.
Howard said that seems to be the way to get Janks flustered, just keep him on the air and he doesn't know what else to do. Artie goofed on that idea for a few seconds before Howard moved on to other stuff.
Howard said that Anna Nicole Smith will be on the show tomorrow to promote her new reality TV show. Howard said he can't wait for that show. He then went on to talk about a press release they got from VH-1 about their upcoming reality TV show which will follow Liza Minelli and her husband David Guest. Howard and Robin goofed on how phony that show will probably be. Howard said it will be the first ''un-reality'' TV show.
Howard seems to think that the Anna Nicole Smith show will be great.
Howard and the crew spent a little time talking about the Pope's tour of the world. Howard said that the e-mail they get about the Pope is split. Some hate when Howard talks about, or goofs on, him and some love it.
Howard said he's gotten a lot of e-mail about how coal powers our country since he had no idea how that worked while talking about the coal miners during yesterday's show.
Howard predicts that after tonight's episode airs Sinatra will be discovered as a comedy genius. He said that the episode is ''funny as hell'' and maybe the funniest episode yet.
Howard spent a little time talking to Sinatra about whether or not he thinks his father kept him from doing certain things while he was alive. Sinatra said he doesn't believe that to be true. Howard brought up how he waited to get married until after his father died. Sinatra said that he just waited for the right woman... but that marriage is over now.
Howard asked Sinatra some questions about his life and who his friends are. Sinatra said that his buddies are people like Tim Stack (Notch Johnson on ''Son of the Beach''). Howard said that Sinatra actually asked to play the part of Stink Finger after reading the script. They just wanted him to perform the Stink Finger song but he wanted the part so Howard told them to give it to him.
Sinatra went on to describe his part and how he got the ''stink finger.'' Howard also mentioned some of the funny bits they do in the show which sound pretty funny.
Sinatra sounds really impressed with the job that the guys on the show did with the script and the subtle stuff they throw in there. Howard started to wrap up the interview and Sinatra said that he'll be performing at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas starting August 21st. He also told a quick story about how the ''beautiful, stunning Amy Weber'' said something to him about how happy she was to have felt like she'd ''worked with the old Hollywood.'' Ouch.
Howard moved on to ask David about what else he's been up to since ''The X-Files'' ended. David said he's now writing and staying home with the wife (Tea Leoni) and kids. He said he tries to write from about 9am to 5pm to make a job out of it. Howard said he figures that he's actually done by 10am and then goes and plays basketball with Garry Shandling. Howard asked David if he has a special room for doing his writing. He said he does so Howard figures he's got porn down there and that's actually what he's doing down there. Howard tried to find out if David watches porn and masturbates but he tried to avoid answering those questions. Duchovny said that porn is very popular and if an actor, such as himself, wanted to watch porn, he'd probably buy some. The guys all goofed on that for a while. They also goofed around with the whole writing thing. Duchovny says he's writing a movie script so Artie joked that maybe it was about pirates or something. Duchovny says it's actually a dark comedy/love story and there are no pirates in it. They goofed around with that for a little while too and Duchovny had some fun with them.
Howard spent a little time talking to David about this movie ''Full Frontal'' and how he got caught up in that. There wasn't much of a budget for the movie but some big celebrities like Julia Roberts were involved with it. Howard also heard that David does a scene with Mary McCormack (who played Howard's wife in ''Private Parts'') where she gives him hand manipulation. Duchovny says that they used a dildo as a fake penis for the scene. Howard said he'd like to see that and he'll go see it.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about Tea and a few other things before he wrapped up the interview. David and Howard talked about giving each other their phone numbers but Howard says he wouldn't know what to talk to him about. David also invited Howard to come visit him out in Los Angeles but Howard says he hasn't flown out there since last September. David said he hadn't flown since September either and this was his first trip. Howard finally ended the interview after he and Artie goofed on his script writing once again. Artie was working in his Lou Costello impression to goof on what kind of scripts David could write. ''David and Tea Meet Frankenstein'' was just one of the titles he mentioned.
After David left Howard said he did get his number but he still doesn't know what he'd talk to him about. He wondered if maybe Tea would come over and get topless like Rebecca Romijn-Stamos did one time.
Howard replayed the Captain Janks phony phone call that they played earlier in the morning. He then moved on to talk about tonight's E! show which is part 2 of Playmate Tina Jordan. Artie had to remind Howard who she was because he had no clue.
Howard played a new Mr. Skin Minute. This is where the guy from MrSkin.com gives the latest ''Skinfo'' (info about nude scenes) on movies and DVD releases. This week Mr. Skin says that there's no nudity in ''Austin Powers in Goldmember'' but there are a lot of hot chicks in sexy outfits. He said Beyoncé Knowles, Britney Spears and Heather Graham are some of the hot chicks. Mr. Skin also says that the DVD release of ''Resident Evil'' has Mila Jovovich showing some ''nippage'' and some ''pubavich'' at the one hour and 30 minute mark. He also says that the DVD release of ''In the Time of Butterflies'' features Selma Hayek doing a breast feeding scene but the baby covers up her breast too much. After playing the Mr. Skin Minute Howard said that he doesn't get off on the breast feeding thing.
Howard moved on and played some tapes that he had laying around. He had tape of Reverend Jesse Jackson rambling on and on about some nonsense. He also had a clip of ''Hollywood Squares'' mentioning him in one of their questions. He played that real quick and then played a clip of Carson Daly mentioning his name on his show.
Howard had tape of Charles Grodin doing his bad impression of Andy Rooney on ''60 Minutes 2.'' Grodin rambles on and on about advertising sponsorship but never gets to a punch line. Howard wonders what his point is the whole time. Grodin never gets to a point though. He just rambles and ends his rant without making a point. Howard and Artie goofed on him about how bad Grodin is for a few minutes.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy asked Fred if he's kept in touch with Jackie since he left the show. Fred said they exchanged a couple of e-mails but that was it. Fred said he didn't try very hard to keep that relationship going. The caller also asked if John has kept in touch. Jackie showed up at John's Fourth of July party but he doesn't see much of him. He said that he seems to be coming out of his shell a bit very slowly. Gary said he saw him and he's gained all of his weight back. He had lost quite a bit before he left the show but it's apparently all come back. Stuttering John says Jackie's leaving is still a sore subject with Jackie so he tip-toes around the subject on the show. Howard doesn't understand that and says it was all Jackie's fault that he's not on the show now. John and Gary said that Jackie still thinks that he could have been back on the show but they didn't give him a specific date that he had to return by. Howard said that he did do that and after 4 months of waiting they decided to move on. Gary said the story has become legend in the industry because people now know how much money Jackie walked away from. Gary said he had lunch with a guy in the record industry and he knew the amount. Stuttering John said a guy he knew somehow found out the numbers also.
Howard said that he knows that Jackie will blame him for the whole thing even though it wasn't his fault. Howard says that it wasn't over money, it was Jackie just saying ''I'm gonna show you'' how to negotiate. Howard said that was a bad idea because the company really doesn't care if he worked there or not. Howard says that if Jackie wanted to come on the show tomorrow he'd let him come in. He said he knows he'd be funny as hell.
Howard got off the Jackie subject and took a call from a guy who claims that he heard former President Clinton say that he listens to Howard every morning. Howard went on to talk about how he always defended Clinton and never bad mouthed his kid while he was in office... but Clinton blew him off at a concert he was at a few months ago. Howard said Clinton put his back to him and spoke to Jon Bon Jovi instead. Howard was kind of pissed by that but he was happy to hear what this caller had to say.
Howard talked about what a great guitar player Leslie is and how even Pete Townshend called him the best guitar player ever. Leslie said that he and Eddie Van Halen are also good friends. He talked about how Eddie sent him a guitar and a set of amps one time for no obvious reason. He said the stuff just showed up at his door one day.
Howard spoke to Leslie about how he and this girl who appeared on one of his album covers when she was 16, are still together. Leslie got divorced and hooked up with this woman after that. Leslie showed Howard a picture of her just about topless but Leslie told him not to say that she was topless because her mother was listening. Howard said she's pretty hot. She was wearing just a fishnet top so they could see it all.
Howard took a break and then spent some more time talking to Leslie. They spent some time talking about Leslie's penile injections for a while. He has to inject stuff into his penis to get an erection due to complications from his diabetes. He said he brought in a kit for Howard just in case he ever needs one. Howard said he doesn't have a problem at this point in his life though. Howard also talked to Leslie about his new album and how he's got a couple of new guys in the band but they're still calling it Mountain.
Howard asked Leslie if he's been listening to any new music these days. Leslie said that he's a fan of the band Creed and he's always liked Smashing Pumpkins. He also said he really likes Alicia Keys. He then pointed out what a great guitar player Fred is too. He said Fred may be the greatest unknown guitar player ever. He said you can ask him to play a song and he has no problem just doing it. The fact that he's unknown is the way he wants it according to Robin.
A guy called in crying and claiming that Leslie's music had saved his life. Leslie knew right away the guy was just joking around but Howard said he thought he was for real. It turned out to be Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) making the prank call.
Howard moved on and let Robin do her news. Leslie would interrupt once in a while to make comments that had nothing to do with the stories she was talking about. As Howard was wrapping up the show he played a couple of clips from Leslie's new album ''Mystic Fire.'' Howard thought they sounded a little (Jim) Morrison-esque in one of the songs. You can visit Lighyear.com for Mountain tour info.
Gary had to say hi to a State Trooper who pulled him over this morning on his way to work. He said the cops are always mean until they find out who they are. He said once the guy found out who he was he was really nice and let him off. Gary said he may have been going a little fast but no faster than the rest of the traffic that was on the road. The station had given him a PBA card so he pulled that out to get himself out of the ticket.
Extreme fan Bobo called in to talk about how great last night's ''Son of the Beach'' episode was. That got everyone talking about how funny the show was. They spent a while on that before Howard moved on to other stuff.
Howard took a bunch of quick phone calls and talked about a bunch of different things. One guy had Fred doing his Stuttering John impression. Another guy asked Howard when he's going to cut that mop off his head. Howard seems to think that he'll have that mop on his head for the rest of his life.
Howard took a break and came back talking about how Captain Janks came out of retirement. He made one prank call about the train derailment the other day and this morning Howard played another one where Janks calls some show and says he's a stock trader and wonders how he'd know if he were effected by Howard Stern's balls. Howard also played tape of Joey Boots, Sal the Stockbroker and another caller all getting together to bust balls on a call in show. They were the only calls that made it through for like 3 full minutes. Every call the show took was one of those guys. Howard said they just kept going on and on.
Howard changed subjects and talked about David Duchovny's new movie ''Full Frontal'' and how all of the actors are congratulating themselves for the way they had to do their own hair and makeup when filming because the budget was so small. Howard said they're all patting themselves on the back because they had to act like normal people while they shot the movie. Howard went on to talk about Jennifer Aniston and how she wants to open her own restaurant. Howard's theory is that they want to try and be ''normal people'' by opening a restaurant but they have no clue as to how to run one. That's about the only ''regular person'' type of place they run across in their lives so they want to own one.
Howard took some phone calls and ended up talking about the whales that beached themselves up in Massachusetts yesterday. He said he thought it was Star Jones laying on the beech when he first saw it but realized it was the whales.
Howard told her she has a pretty face but she needs to tweeze her eyebrows a bit. KC came in and said that he doesn't believe that guys are hitting on her. Howard said guys will hit on any chick that's pretty good looking. Howard said she's got a good face and nice boobs. Artie said he'd bang her.
Howard had Rebecca refresh everyone's memory about her story. Howard asked her what type of man she likes. She eventually said that she likes a Brad Pitt-type. She said that she went out with this one guy who ''wooed her'' for about a year. Once he got her and banged her, he left. Howard said that's just what guys do.
Howard also had a theory that she may have vaginosis (stank from her privates) so he offered to take a sniff to see if she stinks. Howard said he'd put his head in her lap and let her know if she stinks. He said he'd even sit next to her and let her know if there was any smell coming off of her. She said she didn't need him to do that but he did it anyway. He sat on the couch next to her and told her not to cross her legs. He sniffed her neck and then said he was going to put his head on her lap. After doing that Howard said there was no smell coming from her. He said she was heavily perfumed but he was able to sniff down at crotch level and there was no vaginosis.
Artie's theory is that she's just really annoying. Rebecca said the guy once told her that she thinks too much but she doesn't think she's annoying.
Rebecca said that the guy didn't use a condom when he banged her and it was at the point when she could have gotten pregnant. That led to people calling in saying that maybe she sucked in bed. She said the guy was all over her every time he saw her though. Another woman called in and said that maybe Rebecca was just a ''needy bitch'' that the guy didn't want to deal with. Another caller said she had an annoying voice. The guys also said that maybe once the guy had her, the fantasy was over for him.
Howard told her she didn't smell and she looked good so she shouldn't be so upset. Guys just want one night stands. The guy was married anyway so maybe this relationship helped his marriage and he just decided not to bang other chicks.
Howard said sometimes a guy can bang a chick and they catch a whiff of a stinky ass or something and they'll never go back there. Howard said that's happened to him before. He was just trying to say that there are certain things that turn a guy off and maybe there's something about her that turned the guy off.
Wendy the Retard called in and told Rebecca that she thinks she's a nice person. She also asked Rebecca if she likes to sing and dance. Rebecca said she does so Wendy offered to make her one of her band members.
Rebecca brought her mother with her down to the station so the guys wanted to know if she discusses all of this stuff with her. She talked about banging a married man who didn't wear a condom. She said she does talk about that with her because the whole night was very strange. Wendy the Retard was still on the phone rambling about all of the guys she thinks about. She just kept going and going with names of all the guys she talks to on the radio. She was also talking about all of the music she likes. She was singing everything from Eminem to Bruce Springsteen. Howard had to cut her off in the middle of a song so he could wrap up the interview with Rebecca.
KC asked if maybe it's her grooming habits ''down there'' that chased the guy away. She got very defensive when he brought that up and said that she takes care of all of that stuff just fine. Howard wrapped it up shortly after that.
Howard got a lot of angry e-mail about Artie and the stuff he does on the show. People were complaining about him doing his bits during David Duchovny's segment yesterday.
Howard also got e-mail about these ''Son of the Beach'' action figures that are out now. Howard claims that he had no control over that and he didn't even know they were going to bring them out. He said FX has the rights to put that kind of stuff out so he can't stop it.
Howard ended up talking to Ronnie the Limo Driver for a few minutes about whether or not he carries a gun. He's Howard's security guard but doesn't carry one. Stuttering John came in and said he couldn't believe that he doesn't carry a gun. He's only 5'2'' tall according to John so he doesn't think he'd be able to protect Howard. He asked Ronnie if he knows Karate or something but Ronnie said he wasn't going to tell him what he knows. Ronnie said he has guns but he doesn't have a permit to carry one. They spent a while talking about that before bringing in the girls to be evaluated.
Howard took some phone calls and killed some time before bringing the next woman in.
Twenty one year old Angela was the next woman to be evaluated. She also works for Touch Too Much as a dancer. She says she doesn't even get topless when she dances at bachelor parties. She said she touches the guys but no top off. Howard and the guys all checked her out and said her bathing suit was really bad. They said it was all baggy and it looked like she had a load in her pants. She claimed to have a C-cup breast size but the guys said that she was smothering them in the suit she had on. Angela took the top off to show the guys her boobs. They were impressed with them and she claims that they're real. Howard also had her pull her bathing suit up so they could see her ass and hips. Once she did that Gary said she got a lot better looking. He said it was like she was wearing the suit wrong or something.
Stuttering John said that she could possibly be in Playboy. He said her face was really cute but she needs a little work on the body. He said she may even be good for Perfect 10 magazine. Gary said that if you look closely there's some cellulite on the backs of her legs. He pointed it out to Howard and the guys said they could airbrush that out. Ronnie the Limo Driver pointed out some other spots on her that needed some work. He said there was a strange ridge on her hip.
Howard said she could be a Playboy Lingerie model or something like that. Howard didn't have a problem with some of the stuff the guys were picking out on her. He said she's hot.
Angela is still in school and she's just doing the dancing for money. The guys said she'd empty your wallet if she was dancing at Scores. They spent a few more minutes talking to her before wrapping up the segment. The guys couldn't believe that she doesn't get topless when she dances at these bachelor parties. Howard found out that she has only slept with two guys in her life. She has a boyfriend now and only slept with one other guy. Howard ended all the fun after telling Angela that she's a possibility for Playboy.
A caller told Howard that Jay Leno has stolen yet another bit from Howard's show. He said that Leno had the host of ''American Idol'' on and did exactly what Howard did with him. Howard said Leno has stolen a bunch of things from his show and no one ever calls him out on that. He didn't spend much time complaining about it though.
Howard continued to talk about how great the Anna Nicole show is. He brought up some more of the wacky things that Anna does in the show's premiere episode. He said he'd rather watch Anna than watch Jennifer Aniston pretending to be someone on ''Friends.'' He said you get caught up in Anna's exhausting life while you're watching the show. He described one scene where Anna and her lawyer, Howard K. Stern, were in the limo on the way to some appearance. Stern was talking to her about the Jews and the Palestinians and how they're blowing each other up. Howard said that Anna is so out of it that she asks Stern ''Doesn't that hurt?'' when he told her about the suicide bombers.
Howard moved on and said that Stuttering John asked why Anna is even doing this TV show because she's rich. That's not quite true though because right now she's broke. She has won some lawsuits that will get her some money that she's owed but that takes time. She said she needed money to get her by right now so she took this offer to do the reality TV show.
Howard brought up how Anna acts and talks like she's high all the time but she swears she's not. She says it's just her Texas slang accent that makes her seem that way. She said once she saw the show herself even she thought she looked stoned.
Howard said that Anna admits in the show that she hasn't had sex in 2 years so she pleasures herself on the show. Howard started to talk about the 90 year old guy she was banging before he died. HKS told Howard not to talk about that but Howard said there's nothing wrong with that. Howard continued to ask her about it and whether or not the guy was able to satisfy her in every way. She said he wasn't able to do that but she made him very happy.
Howard spoke to HKS about how he's making a living since he's always hanging around Anna. HKS said that he is getting some money from E! for the show since he's featured on it a bit. He said it's not much though. He will get some money from the lawsuit settlement when that comes in but right now he's not getting much.
Howard talked to Anna about her eating and how she doesn't try to hide it on the show. He seems impressed with that for some reason. Howard also talked to her about how she sleeps until noon or so. He asked her about what a typical day is like for her too. She says sometimes she just sits around and reads and the cameras stay on her the whole time.
Howard brought up how Anna has gained a lot of weight lately too. He told her how beautiful she is and wondered if she was trying to sabotage her modeling career by gaining weight. She said that she'd gotten depressed during the litigation and put on a few extra pounds. She said that now that she has the TV show she's going to diet and lose that weight.
Howard asked Anna about her son and whether or not they'll show his friends coming over to hang out. She said that probably won't happen.
Gary came in and said that when he saw Anna on other shows he didn't see HKS sitting next to her. HKS said that Anna needs to be protected from Howard Stern. He quoted Sarah Michelle Gellar who said that she was just glad to get out of the studio alive. Howard said that's a bunch of bull though and she doesn't need to be protected from him.
Howard asked Anna if she's been with any guys since her 90 year old husband died. She said she was with one guy but that relationship didn't work out. She said she thinks the guy just didn't think he could satisfy her needs. Howard read that she sometimes demands sex 10 times a day. Robin and Howard said that no man can meet those needs but Anna thinks there is someone who can.
Howard took some phone calls and started to wrap things up with Anna. Howard was digging for some more stories when he found out that Anna goes to a Psychiatrist and they do video tape that stuff. She wouldn't say whether or not that will show up on the show or not. She said we'll have to watch the show to find out.
Gary had brought up some stories he'd read about Anna and her assistant who she really likes. Gary read that she buys her assistant all kinds of stuff and even paid off her Jeep as a birthday gift one time.
Howard took a few more phone calls and she was getting a few offers from guys who wanted to sleep with her. Howard told Anna that he's fascinated with her and wanted to know what she watches on TV. She said her favorite shows are ''The Simpsons'' and ''King of the Hill.'' HKS also reminded her that she has to watch Jerry Springer. She said she has to watch that show every night. Howard wished Anna luck and said that he really does think this show is going to be huge... That's when Benjy asked Anna the big question. Earlier in the show Anna said that she'd probably jump on any guy who is into her and asked her for sex. Benjy asked Anna if she'd let him perform oral sex on her and she said yes! Benjy said he thinks that she's one of the sexiest women they've ever had on the show and he wanted to do her. She agreed and the two of them headed into Howard's private bathroom! They didn't take a microphone in there so no one was sure what was going on. KC tried to get a microphone in there but Benjy had the door locked. After a few minutes the two of them came out and Anna's hair was all messed up. Benjy had lipstick on his face so it was obvious that they'd made out. Benjy told Howard that they did kiss a little but Anna told him she was on her period and she didn't want to do the oral thing. Benjy would have done it but he said she was nervous and didn't like the fact that they were in a bathroom. Anna said she found Benjy cute and was willing to go out with him later. She had to fly back to L.A. Today but she said he could go with her if he wanted to. Benjy said if he could just spend an hour with her it would be the greatest hour of his life.
Doug from E! came in and said that Benjy was just invited to Anna's hotel suite and the limo was downstairs waiting. The guys all told him to get the hell out of there and get to the limo.
Robin Radzinski from E! came in and said that the Anna Nicole and Benjy stuff will air on Howard's E! show tonight at 11pm. Comedian Nick DiPaolo showed up to hang out during Robin's news segment but they ended up talking more about Benjy...
Howard had to interrupt the tape because Benjy called in from Anna's hotel room. He said he was there with her and her dog. There were also a bunch of camera guys there and some of her friends. He said he thought he'd have a better chance with her if some of them were out of there. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him and to Anna about what was going on. They both seem to be into each other and it sounds like something might actually happen. Anna said that Benjy is really cute and has nice eyes. Howard then said that he now believes that she really was in love with her former husband. If she can find Benjy attractive he believes that she could find a 90 year old guy attractive.
Howard got off the phone with them and got back to the tape they had from Anna's microphone. You hear Benjy whispering to her and trying to come on to her but you also hear the toilet water running constantly in the background. Gary said that was the greatest part of the tape. Robin wasn't able to get past the water running either so she found it pretty entertaining. The tape was just a few short minutes so when Howard was done with it he had Robin do her news since it was getting so late in the show.
After the break Howard played some of Jim Florentine's new ''Terrorizing Telemarketers Vol. 3'' CD featuring his retard character talking to someone about getting a free cell phone... ''Yay!, Yay!... That's great!'' The CD will be available August 7th through JimFlorentine.com.
Howard moved on to talk about Anna Nicole Smith and Benjy. Howard said they aired part one on E! last night and tonight will be the second part which shows Benjy feeling her up on their ''date'' after the show yesterday. Robin Radzinski came in and said that Benjy doesn't quite get to home base but he does ''score.''
Howard quickly mentioned the upcoming ''Weakest Dink'' game that they'll be playing in a couple of weeks. If you're a member of iWon.com you'll be entered to be picked as one of the contestants. Visit dink.iWon.com for details.
Howard mentioned a few other things that will be coming up on the show in the near future and then brought up David Spade. Howard said he spoke to Spade about the latest movie he's working on and how funny it sounds. He said Spade plays the part of a former child actor and he's working with his former movie wife Mary McCormack. That led to Howard and the guys talking about the chicks comedians get. Spade gets hot chicks while Darrell Hammond from Saturday Night Live claims that he doesn't get any. John Lovitz gets a lot of chicks too according to Howard and Artie.
Howard finally got to Benjy's story. He gave a quick synopsis of what happened after his interview with Anna. (Read yesterday's news for more) Howard talked about the interview with Anna also and some of the highlights from that. A couple of times she said that she hadn't had sex and she'd jump on anyone that likes her. Benjy acted quick and offered to give her oral sex in Howard's private bathroom. He put his moves on her and they caught that on tape through a microphone she had on her. Benjy didn't know the microphone could pick up his whispers. Howard played the tape so everyone could hear it. The whole time you hear the toilet water running in the background. Benjy and Anna made out and talked a little while KC knocked on the door trying to get a microphone in there. Benjy tells Anna how ''pretty'' she is and how he wants to give her a massage. When they came out Benjy and Anna went back to her hotel and hung out some more. Benjy said it didn't get that much better at the hotel though. Howard said he saw the tape and it looked like he was feeling her up and stuff. Benjy said she had to leave for an interview 30 minutes into their date. Howard also heard that when Anna started drinking she seemed to lose interest in Benjy. Benjy said he hoola-hooped with Anna but Howard said that wasn't cool. Benjy said she wanted to learn how to do that though.
Benjy said if he could be alone with Anna he could do something with her but there were camera crews from her show and from Howard's show hanging around them the whole time.
Howard said they got a ton of e-mail about this subject so he read through some of them. People were jealous and envious of him. Some people said it gave losers a glimmer of hope for getting some hot chicks. One guy said it was the biggest score since Lyle Lovett got Julia Roberts.
Benjy said the interview that Anna did during their date seemed to screw things up. Benjy said that Howard K. Stern, Anna's lawyer, is the one who told him that they had to go shortly after that interview. Benjy still wants to go out with her and he has her home phone number. He said he thinks she's really shy and that's why she sounds so ''high'' when she speaks.
Howard was watching video of their date and describing Benjy feeling her up and kissing her. They didn't have sound up at the time though so Howard bailed out on it.
The guys think that Howard K. Stern is more controlling than they think. They said that he's probably going to try and keep Benjy from getting too close to Anna. Howard suggested that Benjy fly out to L.A. Today and hook up with Anna. Benjy said he thinks if he'd been able to get her off yesterday, she would be his already. Howard reminded everyone to watch the E! show tonight to see the second part of Anna and Benjy.
A listener called in and said that he thinks Anna looks best when she doesn't wear too much makeup. Howard said he thinks that she has one of the most beautiful faces on a woman and he can't believe that she's gained so much weight.
Gary said he told Howard about how things are going in their office and how great these two guys Jason and Will are (line producer and researcher). Howard said he doesn't know them all that well so he said they should take them out to dinner to get to know them better. Howard was proud that he made that offer.
Fred just recently turned 47 so the guys ended up talking about how they look for their age. Howard said that Gary hasn't changed all that much over the years. Artie said he and Benjy are the youngest of the group and they look the worst. Howard said he likes to hang out around the younger guys when he goes out because people his age always talk about how they love ''Led Zeppelin'' and hate the new music and stuff like that. Howard said he really is feeling old because he has a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. Robin is turning 50 in a few days and she said she got an AARP card already so she can get discounts on stuff for senior citizens. Howard said that Robin still looks great for her age though.
The whole crew talked about working out and what happens as you get older. Howard said he works out just to stay in shape. He said he knows he'll never bulk up so he just works out to stay fit. Artie said he just finds sports that are easy on him. He said he played softball the other day and was able to get a few hits and run the bases. Robin brought up how stiff Geraldo Rivera looked the other day when he got up after his interview. He was showing his age of 59 that day according to Robin.
Howard took another break and played another one of Jim Florentine's ''Terrorizing Telemarketers Vol. 3'' calls. In this call he's a priest who's getting ready to leave the priesthood because he's ''horny.'' The telemarketer hears porn movies playing in the background and the other priest breaks into a collection box to pay for what the telemarketer was selling. The woman can't believe what she's hearing and ends up hanging up. Howard said this is one of those albums you can listen to more than one time. Robin said her favorite is when Jim kills his grandfather in the bathtub while he's on the phone with a telemarketer.
Calvin said he was burned by his woman when she cheated on him with someone she worked with. Calvin said he was married for 6 years and eventually found out that his wife cheated on him. He's still with his wife though. He said he had the kid coming on the way but before he could even get that test kit a friend of his found an e-mail that his wife and this guy had exchanged and that's how he caught her.
Howard wondered why this guy stayed with his wife and even he didn't know. He just said ''I don't know'' when Howard asked him why. Calvin said he gained a lot of weight after that but he's lost it since then. Calvin said he checks his wife's panties about once a month now just to be sure she's not cheating. He said that you have about 3 days to check a woman's panties because they have ''flow back'' within that time. Howard wondered what happens when a man uses a rubber. Calvin said that you can still check it that way because there are traces of this mess that can be found.
Calvin said that since he's been checking his wife out he hasn't found anything out of the ordinary. He checks after he's done his wife to make sure the product works. It does work according to Calvin. He said that he also checks her when he knows he hasn't been with her for a while.
Howard said this is a good check for women to use on men they think may be with other men. Just check their underwear.
Calvin said he's selling about 1000 of these kits a month now. Howard read some statistics about what happens to the people who use the kits. He said that about 80% of the men who were cheated on stayed with their partner. Almost 100% of the women stay with their men.
Howard told Calvin that if he ever caught his wife cheating and got divorced, she'd be entitled to half of the money he gets from these kits he's selling. Calvin said he knows that.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who claims that he used the kit and caught his wife cheating on him with his best friend from work. He used this kit and it worked for him. He's now divorced.
Howard says he'd check his kid's underwear if he had the kit.
Howard said for any of his Southern listeners, you can use this kit to see if your sister is cheating on you. That led to Howard and Artie doing their Souther accents and goofing around with that idea.
You can get the Check Mate kit at CheckMate.ThePulse.com
After the interview Howard took a break. He came back and goofed on Charles Grodin for a few minutes. They played audio from his ramblings from last night's ''60 Minutes 2'' where he talks about President Bush choking on the pretzel and stuff he's seen in Ripley's Believe it or Not. It made very little sense so Howard goofed on that for a short time.
Howard and Artie started off goofing around with an Indian accent as they were getting him on the phone. Howard said that Night is being called the next Steven Spielberg by some people. Howard spent some time talking to Night about his other movies and about what it was like for him growing up. Howard said eventually Night will become a big star like Steven Spielberg and he'll stop doing the show. Night said he met Steven so Howard did an impression of what he thought that conversation would have been like.
Howard asked Night what he thought of the last two Spielberg movies ''A.I.'' and ''Minority Report.'' Howard thinks he's gone all wrong even though he's still a fan of his. Night wouldn't say anything bad about him though.
Howard asked Night if he was goofed on as a child since he was an Indian growing up in a mostly white area. Night said kids did goof on him when he was growing up. That led to Howard and Artie doing more of their Indian accents and goofing around with what the neighbors may have said to him. Night just let them roll and eventually said that's the stuff that may lead to him not doing the show. He took it all pretty well though and let them do what they were doing.
Howard tried to figure out what kind of money Night made from some of his hit movies like ''The Sixth Sense'' and ''Unbreakable.'' Howard figured he must have made at least $40 million from them. Night said he's still worried about the future. Howard said if this movie fails they're sure not going to blame it on Mel Gibson since almost all of his movies do well.
Howard continued to ask Night about his dating life and whether or not his marriage was arranged for him. Night said it wasn't arranged for him, he chose his wife. Gary came in and said something about Night's wife's parents disliking him before they got married. They were from different areas of India and they weren't too happy with that. They now like him so Howard asked if he gives them money. He said they do help them out and they do like him now. Howard and Artie continued to goof on the Indian accent and Night eventually said that he couldn't wait to see this guy Artie doing his thing. He didn't know who he was when he first heard him. Artie was getting pretty racial with his material so Night said this is the most racial they've ever gotten with him in the 4 times he's been on the show. Howard laid off the racial stuff a bit after that. Artie continued to do some of his character though.
Howard took a few phone calls for Night. One guy asked if it's true that Bruce Willis is pissed that he wasn't used in this movie since he was used in the other two big ones Night directed. Night says that Bruce isn't pissed and he even showed up to the premiere of ''Signs.''
Howard asked Night why he doesn't do a movie with him. Night said he'd love to work with Howard but he can't figure out what to use him in. Howard bragged about what a great actor he is and how great it would be to work together.
Howard asked Night why he turned down the chance to work on the next ''Indiana Jones'' movie. Night said that he thinks it would be too hard to do it the right way or something like that. Howard said that Harrison Ford is too old to be playing that part anyway. Howard suggested that they rename it ''India Jones'' and have Night cast it with Indians.
Artie kept doing his Indian character which led to Night asking if he's on every day. He said next time he should call in on Artie's off day.
A listener called in and told Howard and Artie to shut up already and leave Night alone because he's a genius. He then asked Night if he's going to do a sequel to ''Unbreakable.'' Night said he's not sure if he will because he's wasn't happy with the split feelings on the movie. Howard told him he should stop thinking like that and just do the sequel already. Howard said he thinks that might be one of the best movies he's ever seen and it deserves a sequel. Robin agreed and told him to get busy working on it.
Howard took a couple more phone calls and talked to Night about working with Mel Gibson. Howard said when they went to the screening for the movie they spent a few minutes goofing on Gibson.
Howard asked Night what he thinks about all of these reality TV shows that are on. Howard said he loves them and Night said that when people get angry on shows like that they're showing real emotion which is better than bad acting. Howard wrapped up the interview after taking a couple more phone calls.
Stuttering John told Howard that Gary and Fred had a strange thing going on with exchanging phone numbers before their vacation. Gary said it wasn't a big deal though. He said he and Fred both went out to Long Island for their vacation to Gary asked Fred for his phone number out there. Fred said he'd give it to him but he kept forgetting. Gary figured that maybe Fred just didn't want him to bother him during vacation so he dropped it. He never got the number and didn't hook up with him while they were out there. Gary said he went to, what he thought was, Fred's house but it was the wrong one. Fred said that he would have enjoyed getting together with Gary but he just forgot to give him the number.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave him some good news about his ratings in St. Louis. That led to the guys talking about the best and worst places to visit. Gary said that one of the worst places he's been is Buffalo, New York. He said that it's just a depressing place to be. Howard said he doesn't understand why anyone would stay there in the winter because of the snow and cold. He said if he were homeless and lived up north, he'd start walking down to Florida and stay down there during the winter. Artie said a cool city to visit is Boston. Howard said that is a great city but it's geared toward college students. Everyone had suggestions for places to visit and to avoid. Howard said now that he lives in Manhattan he realizes how much it stinks like human urine. He said he didn't notice it when he didn't live there but now he smells it all the time. Howard had to take another break before getting to Robin's news.
During the break Howard did a commercial for Fidelity Diamond which led to the guys asking Artie if he's going to marry this teacher he's been dating for about 6 months now. Artie wouldn't say if he's going to marry her or not. After the break the guys asked Artie if there will be a discussion after the show about the ring talk they had on the air. Artie said there will probably be a discussion. He also said it's only been 6 months now that they've been dating so it's still kind of soon. Stuttering John said he only dated his wife for about 6 months before getting engaged. Stuttering John was in talking about going out to lunch with Artie one day and how much he eats. Artie ate pancakes, bread, eggs and some other stuff. John asked him if he had desert after that. Artie said he went home and got a Starbucks Caramel Macchiato (Foamed milk marked with espresso, vanilla and real caramel), which he described as a hot chocolate with carmel in it according to Artie, plus a brownie. The guys wondered why Artie isn't even bigger than he is. Artie said he plays softball on the weekends so he works some of the weight off. He also stresses out about stuff a lot and that works off some of the weight.
Howard said he's got a roll of fat on his stomach so he showed Robin. She told him he was nuts. John said that Howard is like an anorexic chick looking at his body that way.
Artie mentioned that he and his girlfriend shower together but he's not one of these people who like to walk around naked. He said it's one thing when it's a sexual thing but just walking around naked in a locker room isn't for him. He said his girlfriend doesn't have a problem with being naked but she has an amazing body.
Right before Robin's news Howard took a phone call from a guy who wanted to know why he doesn't get a vasectomy. The guy said he had it done and it wasn't a big deal. Howard said that he would never let someone snip something inside of his balls. He said his equipment is working really well and he'd never do anything to screw that up. The guy kept insisting that it wasn't a big deal but Howard says he'll never do it.