For The Week Of 8/7/2000 to 8/11/2000

• Various Stuff. 8/7/00. 6:05am
  Howard played a couple of clips off of a ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire'' music CD. He said that some magazine gave it an F grade because there is no reason for it to exist. The CD has songs on it that have to do with either money or making phone calls. It claims to have been inspired by the show.

  Howard announced that Gervase from the CBS ''Survivor'' show will be on later this week. He said that the creator of the show is the one behind all of the rumors about Gervase winning on the show but he got kicked off last week. Howard said the creator is pretty smart for coming up with the idea to put his picture on the site without an X through it while all of the other contestants did have an X.

  Howard also spent a few minutes talking about how Sir Alec Guinness (Obi Wan Kenobi) just died and how much he hated the whole ''Star Wars'' thing. He hated it but when they announced his death on the news they used the ''Star Wars'' footage to show his image.

  Jackie announced last week that the movie he's going to be in, ''Pot Luck'', needed some extras to show up at a park in New York City. Howard played a voice mail from an angry listener who showed up at the park and found out that it had been canceled. Howard told Jackie that he shouldn't have even been involved in that whole announcement. It just ended up pissing off a lot of people. Jackie said that the permit was yanked by the cops because they thought that too many people were going to show up.

• Crazy Cabbie Update. 8/7/00. 6:25am
  Crazy Cabbie got in to some trouble last week but Howard never really talked about what happened. Today he came in to talk about what happened. Last week we heard that Cabbie had failed to show up for his job on the Cane show one night and he also didn't show up to do Howard's show that morning. Robin said that he probably fell off the wagon or was getting back together with his ex-fiancee. She was right! Cabbie fell off the wagon and went out drinking one afternoon. He was getting hassled by management at the station over a bunch of stuff and the pressure got to him. He told Howard that he walked in to a bar on his way off the subway one day and had a few drinks. He said he didn't get ''fall down'' drunk but he was at the bar for a few hours. Howard was the one to finally got in touch with Cabbie after everyone else had tried and failed. Cabbie told Howard he'd fallen off the wagon so Howard tried to smooth things over with management. Management took it pretty well and eventually gave Cabbie his Sunday air shift back after they'd taken it away a few weeks back. Cabbie said that he hasn't had a drink since last Tuesday and he has gone back to his AA meetings.

  Howard also asked Cabbie what his big announcement was that he mentioned last week. Cabbie said that he wasn't at liberty to talk about it but Howard figured out that it's the fact that he's back with his ex-fiancee. Cabbie admitted that he has been talking to her again. He told Howard that he put 3 years in to that relationship and had her trained really well. He said she's great in bed, great at oral and anal and does his laundry. She's just what he needs. Robin was thrilled that she was right about Cabbie falling off the wagon. She was giggling like a little girl. You can send hate mail to Cabbie at CrazyCab@hotmail.com

  Howard went on to tell a story about another DJ on the station who he hung out with over the weekend. Booker (ChrisBooker.com) called Howard over the weekend and took him out to a couple of clubs. Booker then used Howard to pick up women. Gary's friend Ross was also there picking up women. Howard tried not to stay out too late because he had to spend the next day with his daughter.

• VoyeurBus.com Visits The Station. 8/7/00. 7:25am
  Howard said that he usually wouldn't be suckered in to something like this but it was pretty cool. He said that there was a bus sitting out side of his building with naked chicks on it. Not only that but the bus is mostly glass so you can see right in to every part of it including the bathroom. The women just go about their business cleaning the windows and going to the bathroom. Howard let a few of the women come up to the studio so he could talk to them. He also spoke to the guy who's running the whole thing, Owen. Owen told Howard that they're driving around touring the United States and they're in the city for a little while. He said that it's not illegal for the women to be naked in the bus so they haven't had any problems. He said that when they were in Philly at the Republican National Convention they actually had a police escort. Howard spoke to a couple of the women and said that Georgia was extremely hot. They told him how they can actually shower on the bus while everyone can see them. Of course this is all to promote their web site VoyeurBus.com. Owen told Howard that they'd be outside of the building for another hour and then they'd be heading to Madison Avenue.

  Later in the show Howard said that the bus was removed by police shortly after the interview.

• The Amazing Kreskin Predicts Presidential Election. 8/7/00. 7:40am
  The Amazing Kreskin came in this morning to set up a prediction for the upcoming Presidential election. He came in and Howard tried to avoid shaking his hand because the guy shakes it way to hard. Howard told him to get away from him or he'd punch him. Kreskin still managed to get to Howard and shake his hand. Howard spent a little while goofing on him and trying to figure out if he's gay or not. He still lives with his mother who is 94 years old. He told Howard that he has dated women in his life and that he's not gay. He was also a friend of Liberace's and Howard had tape of him talking about his friend on some show. It sounds like Howard's still not convinced that Kreskin is straight. Kreskin told Howard that he has a passion for women although he's only had 2 long relationships in his life.

  Kreskin told Howard about some of the things he's done recently as far as predictions. He claims to have predicted a New York pick-4 lottery number and a couple of other things. He claims that a year and a half ago he predicted that Hillary Clinton would run for office and would win by a landslide. That has partially come true. Today he announced that he has made a prediction about the Presidential election and has sealed them in a safe that will remain at Howard's station. He had a guy who claimed to be a Bergan County cop come in to tell Howard that he has seen the prediction and will come back after the election to confirm that it was the answer he saw Kreskin put in the safe. Howard wasn't believing any of this. He didn't believe that this cop was actually a cop and he doesn't believe that Kreskin has predicted the election. Howard thinks that Kreskin will somehow use a radio control device to switch the envelope inside of the safe after the election. Kreskin told Howard that he has sent the predictions to 4 other people in the news industry so he's not tampering with anything inside the safe.

  Howard continued to probe Kreskin trying to figure out if he's gay or not. Kreskin admits that he's a fan of Judy Garland's but he doesn't own any of her albums. He also likes Barbra Streisand but won't be going to any of her concerts. Howard asked Kreskin if he has any Astroglide on his night table. Kreskin laughed but didn't say no. The answer remains a mystery that only Kreskin can answer. You can find out more about Kreskin at AmazingKreskin.com

  Later in the show Howard took a phone call from a guy who claims that he can get the combo to the safe if he just has the model and serial number for it. Howard had KC come in and give the numbers to the caller and he said he'd call them back when he gets the combination. Howard wants to open it to see how Kreskin is going to pull this whole thing off. He still thinks that there's a trap door inside or something like that. He said he won't ruin the guy's career by telling everyone how he does it but he wants to find out for himself.

• Howard Thinking About His Presidential Vote. 8/7/00. 8:30am
  Howard was leaning toward voting for Al Gore in the upcoming election but when he heard that he's picked Joe Lieberman as a running mate he had to rethink his vote. He played tape this morning of Leiberman talking about his TV show and how it's helping to ''destroy the youth'' of this country. Howard said that he's going to have to rethink his vote. Robin said that she didn't think there was anything Howard could tell her that would change her vote but this whole thing just did. Howard said he doesn't want to vote Republican because of the whole abortion issue. He said that he should be president because he thinks he's smarter than any of these guys. He admits that he's not that smart, he's just smarter than Bush and Gore. He spent a couple of minutes talking about how he'd concentrate on more important issues like energy. He got so pissed off that he decided to just read some stuff from the Oprah magazine ''O''. He read some of her inspirational messages that she has on postcard gifts in the magazine. One of them really didn't make any sense to him. It read ''Nothing is as far away as a minute ago.'' Howard said ''What is she talking about?'' and said ''What about 100 minutes ago?''

• Brett Banfe's NotSpeaking.com. 8/7/00. 8:50am
  18 year old Brett Banfe is going to stop talking for a year and Howard wanted to find out why. Howard read that Brett is doing this to show that his generation can set a goal and finish it. When he spoke to Brett he said that he never said that. Brett basically said that it was just a goof that just went really far. He said he had a conversation with a friend about not talking for a day and he eventually said that he could probably do it for a year. That conversation eventually got to a friend of a friend's mother who is a Public Relations chick. The next thing he knew he was on the radio being interviewed about it. He then decided to go for it. He's not going to make any money from doing it so Howard doesn't see a good reason for it. Howard thinks that he might get laid from it because he's going to college this year. Other than that there's nothing to gain. Brett told Howard that he's never gotten laid.. by choice. He does other stuff but he says that he's saving that for someone special. Howard told him that any woman with a vagina is special enough. Howard said that if he's waiting for the right girl there are none but he said that he might start with Georgia from the VoyeurBus.com see-through bus.

  Brett told Howard that he might be able to make some money at the end of this thing by selling his first words. Howard told him that he doesn't think anyone is going to care. Brett told Howard that's the reason he's calling his show. He's trying to get people to care.

  Brett's mother was sitting next to him so Howard had him put her on the phone. Howard told her that he doesn't think this is the best thing for her son to be doing. She thinks that it has given him a focus in his life so it will help him in some way. Howard doesn't agree.

  Brett starts not talking on September 1 and you can follow his progress at NotSpeaking.com

• Howard Utters The Word ''Titty'' For The First Time. 8/7/00. 9:20am
  It took 10 years but Howard finally used the word ''Titty'' on the air this morning. The word was recently cleared for use on the show but Howard doesn't ever use it. A caller started a discussion about movies when he asked Howard what he thought about ''Hollow Man''. Howard said that he enjoyed it but some of the people he saw it with didn't think it was so great. He then said that his buddy had seen ''Coyote Ugly'' and thought that it sucked because there were no boob shots in it. Howard said the whole reason you want to see a movie like that is ''..for the titty shot..'' and you don't get any. Howard then said that it took him 10 years to be able to say that word but it's not the word he uses in his discussions. It might seem kind of immature to crow about such a dopey word but Howard is under so much scrutiny about every word he says that being able to say ''titty'' is a big deal.

• Happy 48th Birthday To Robin. 8/8/00. 6:05am
  Today is Robin's 48th birthday and Howard had a small gift for her this morning. He passed over a small black box containing a gold bracelet which Robin seemed to be really happy to receive. Howard claims that he picked out the gift himself unlike some of the past gifts he's given her.. which led to her freaking out on him. Robin told Howard that she was adding up the years that they've been working together and came up with 19 years! Howard found it hard to believe that they've been working together that long.

  Howard changed the subject to talk about how he was forced to run in the hot, muggy weather yesterday. He said that his buddy Pat just about forced him to run in the very uncomfortable weather. He was also talking about how he thinks he still looks young even though he's 46 years old. He also thinks that Steven Tyler and Joe Perry from Aerosmith still look like they're in their 20's. Robin disagrees on that and told Howard that he doesn't look like he's in his 20's either.

  Howard was playing with a new toy this morning. His assistant Laura gave him this device called Breath Alert that can detect bad breath. He thought she might have given it to him because he has bad breath so he was freaking out. He was testing his breath for about 20 minutes this morning and it was coming out as being really bad. It was a 4 on a scale of 4. He had Jackie and Gary try it out and they both came out with a low 1. Howard thought that they weren't doing it correctly but after a few tries they still came out with the 1.

  During the breath discussion Howard had his assistant Laura on the phone. She told him that it wasn't because he has bad breath that she got it for him. She said that it's because he might be dating soon and might need to check his breath. We also learned that Laura's official title is Executive Administrative Assistant.

  Howard reminded everyone that tonight there's a new ''Son of the Beach'' on tonight at 10pm on FX Networks. He said this episode is called ''Miso Honei''. Miso Honei is a wave that killed Notch's father and he tries to surf it on tonight's episode.

  Howard also spent some time talking about what he thinks about George W. Bush. He was talking about how when a lot of younger people were protesting the Vietnam war Bush was being arrested for stealing a Christmas wreath. He's not a supporter of Bush although he does agree with some of his views.

  Howard complained about an article that was written a few months back by Cindy Adams. In the article she made a comment about how unnatural Howard's hair color looked to her at a party they were at. Howard just wanted to point out that it is his natural color and that he would talk about it if he did color it.

• Jackie Evaluates Comedian Mark Silver. 8/8/00. 8:20am
  This 43 year old guy Mark Silver, who calls himself a comedian, came in to have Jackie evaluate some of his material. Mark told Howard that he has done some voice over work in the past. He has been doing the stand-up stuff for about 4 years. He has jobs where he makes his money also. He does some computer work and he's a waiter also. Howard had him get right to his material and it really sucked. He did some impressions of Katharine Hepburn, Bill Clinton, Bob Dole and Ross Perot. Howard told him it was a good thing he said which characters he was doing because you wouldn't be able to get them otherwise. Howard let him do a little more of his routine but it was just like listening to some guy complaining about his life in a bar somewhere. Howard had him stop and had Jackie evaluate the routine. Jackie told Mark that he's a nice guy ''.. but there's nothing funny whatsoever..'' in his act. Mark said that he's been told that he's funny by friends so that's why he got in to the comedy thing. Robin said he had a funny look when he came in so he's got something going for him. You can reach Mark at (978) 683-1332. Howard took a couple of phone calls for the guy and they all wanted him off the air.

• Ralph And Crazy Cabbie Stories. 8/8/00. 8:30am
  Ralph came in this morning with tape of his answering machine messages from the Playboy mansion. Last Friday Howard told us how Ralph had been rejected from the Playboy party that he wanted to go to this year and how it crushed him. Today he had tape of the messages that were left for him from the Playboy people. In one message this woman told him that there were too many people invited. In another message the woman told him she was wrong and that she needed a picture of him to be sent to them for review. Then they called him back and told him that he wasn't invited because they were overwhelmed with people who were invited. Ralph says they were just telling him he was too ugly to go to the party.

  Crazy Cabbie was waiting to come in the studio also. Gary asked Howard if he was sure he wanted to have both Ralph and Cabbie on at the same time because so many people hate both of them. Howard had him come in even if that is true. Cabbie and Ralph started goofing on each other right away. Howard was talking about all of Cabbie's bad tattoos and Ralph was right there with him. Cabbie then started goofing on Ralph for wearing Clam Digger pants. He said they looked like Capri pants and even called Ralph Mary Tyler Moore at one point.

  The reason Cabbie was in was to talk about a recent incident where he was accused of sexually harassing a female intern. He and the intern, Leah, explained what actually happened. Cabbie hangs out with Howard's interns sometimes and he became buddies with Leah. One day he stuck his head in her chest for a few seconds. Leah said that she was saying goodbye to Cabbie one day and she bent over to hug him. Her chest just happened to be at the right level and Cabbie was just playing around when he stuck his head there. As Leah walked out of the room she joked to Scott the intern that she had just been molested by Cabbie. A short time after that there was a conversation on the air about Leah and what had happened. Scott the intern had come in to confirm that Cabbie had stuck his head in her chest. Cabbie ended up getting in trouble with management and he blamed it on Scott. He and Scott are still on shaky ground so Howard told Cabbie not to hang out with his interns anymore. He may even have to watch a sexual harassment tape again to get him to understand. Tom Chiusano came in at one point and told Cabbie that it wasn't Scott's comments that got him in trouble. It was something else but he didn't say what it was. Cabbie apologized to Scott for anything he may have said to him over the situation. Scott was still pissed off at Cabbie for comments he's made to him but Howard tried to move on.

  Ralph shared a few pictures he had from the last Playboy party he went to. He had pictures of Jamie Foxx and Verne Troyer hanging out at the Playboy mansion. He also had pictures of Tori Spelling, Nikki Ziering, Heidi Fleiss and Rick Rubin.

• Pat Cooper Comes In. 8/8/00. 8:55am
  71 year old comedian Pat Cooper came in while Ralph and Cabbie were still hanging out. He was wearing some kind of pant-suit that made him look ridiculous. Howard and the rest of the crew spent a few minutes asking him why he'd wear such a thing. Pat said he knows what his body likes and that's what he wears. He said he ordered it out of a catalog and he has 6 different ones. Howard said it looks like a military outfit of some type. Someone said it also looked like an airline flight crew suit. Robin asked him if he wears it on the airplane when he flies to New York and Ralph said ''Only when he's fixing it.'' Howard couldn't believe that Pat was 71 years old. He told him he looks much younger. He wanted to know if Pat can still ''get it up'' at that age. Pat got serious and told Howard that he can only get it up in the morning. He said it's all mental though. He's got a lot on his mind and it affects his performance. He also said it doesn't mean as much to him at this age though. Pat said he tried Viagra but that didn't do anything for him. He said he took it and his arm went up. It's all mental. Howard asked Pat if a beautiful young woman came on to him if he'd be able to get it up. Pat said he wouldn't know what to do because he hasn't had to do anything like that in a long time. He said he'd probably feel like he was banging his daughter if he slept with a young woman.

  Howard eventually kicked Ralph and Cabbie out of the studio and took a commercial break. After the break he came back and let Pat vent on a few things. He went off on Geraldo Rivera for a minute before going off on David Brenner. He has spoken out about what a dog Geraldo is in the past and said that he predicted that he'd leave his wife.

  Pat also had a problem with comedian David Brenner. Pat told Howard a story about how a club owner called him up to have him fill in for Brenner after he'd canceled a show he was going to do. Pat was saying how Brenner's comedy routine is called ''Back with a Vengeance'' and how wrong that is. He said that if Brenner was back with a vengeance he'd have stuck to his contract and done the show at this club. Pat says that he always sticks to his contract and would never back out of a gig like that. He said that these old guys in comedy don't realize that it's over for them and they should just take jobs as they get them. He continued his rant for about 15 minutes. He also spoke a little bit about Joan Rivers whom says he doesn't hate. But he was talking about how bad her plastic surgery looks. He goofed on that and the fact that Joan demands so much money for her appearances. He goofed on her but then he'd say that he has nothing against her. Typical Pat Cooper.

  At one point Howard had Gary give David Brenner a call so they could let him give his side of the story. Brenner got on the phone and Howard let him know what was going on. Pat confronted Brenner and Brenner gave his side of the story. Brenner says that in his contract he had a clause that said if he were to get a TV or Motion Picture deal he could back out of the stand-up gig. He got the chance to appear on FOX at the Victor Awards and he took it. He told Pat that he would never back out of a contract if he didn't have a clause like that. Pat apologized for anything that he may have said that was wrong and told Brenner that he shouldn't come back with a vengeance, he should just come back.

  Brenner also told Howard that his back is feeling great after reading Dr. Sarno's book, ''The Mindbody Prescription : Healing the Body, Healing the Pain'', that Howard recommended. It's the same Doctor that helped Howard get rid of his back pain. Brenner said he's been feeling much better since the last time he was on the show.

  Pat is appearing at the Westbury Music Fair on Sunday, August 13 at 3pm with Bob Nelson. He's also appearing in Andover Mass. at the Comedy Palace on August 19. Pat also said he'll be in the movie ''The Bodyguard's Bodyguard'' in the near future.

• Various Stuff. 8/9/00. 6:05am
  Howard spent a few minutes reading a couple of articles that were written about his comments on Al Gore's pick for running mate, Joe Lieberman. Howard will probably still vote for Gore but he's not going to do it because he likes Leiberman. He just dislikes Bush more.

  Howard said that one of his friends told him about a funny expression for getting sex when a woman massages him. He said that the masseuse will ask him if he wants a ''happy ending'' to find out if he wants sex. Howard thought that was pretty funny.

  Howard talked a little bit about how much he likes that guy Rudy on the CBS TV show ''Survivor''. He likes the way the guy just says whatever is on his mind.

  Garbage man King of All Blacks called in to discuss his views on religion this morning. Howard was talking about the subject earlier in the show and KOAB thought that he had to set Howard straight on whether or not there is a God. He wasn't really making a whole lot of sense so the subject quickly changed. KOAB also asked Howard about why his wife left him. He remembered Howard talking about how Alison's first boyfriend was a guy who never left his house. He said that she must be attracted to guys like that because Howard was the same way. He wondered what happened to his marriage if that's the kind of guy she likes. Howard still doesn't know what went wrong.

  Howard said that Gary has been showing his kids the old Davey and Goliath animated shows on DVD lately. This led to a short discussion about how cool the animation was and how they always managed to throw in a mention of God in every show. After talking about the religious freaks who paid for Davey and Goliath Howard read some mail he's received from some of them lately. The mail basically asks Howard to take back what he said about praying that Steve Allen will go to Hell. It also tells Howard that God loves him unconditionally but Howard said that's not true because every religion has so many ridiculous rules you're supposed to follow. Gary came in and said that the rules don't seem to matter because you can pray for your forgiveness just before you die and you'll be just fine according to these religions. Howard says that he'll probably find God when he's like 80 years old.

• Blind Lisa Calls In. 8/9/00. 7:25am
  Blind Lisa the Playboy model has been on the show in the past begging Howard for money. She called in this morning and Howard was getting ready to offer her a flight to New York as well as putting her up in a hotel. Then Gary reminded him that she's left some voice mails lately. He played the tape of the voice mails and Lisa was calling Howard an ''F-ing freak'' and telling him how evil he was for not helping her out with money. Then the next day she leaves a message saying that she wants Howard to screw her. Howard then told her that she's a psychopath and that she shouldn't call the show anymore. She then went on to say that she's not that bad off with money like everyone thinks.. because she told us that. She says that she has a ''principal role'' in an Oliver Stone movie. No one was believing that story though. They asked her how she was able to fly out to Los Angeles for the audition. She said that Stone flew her out there. She also claims that Stone called her to come out there. Howard went off on her again and told her to get out of his life. She rambled on a little more and plugged a movie she appeared in which you can purchase by calling 416-944-2186. The number is up in Toronto. She said that the movie ''Cannibal Roller Babes'' is really hot.

• More Stuff. 8/9/00. 8:00am
  Howard was wondering what the big deal is about these ''Harry Potter'' books is. He's been hearing about them lately and he doesn't get it. Gary told Howard that he's just started reading the first ''Harry Potter'' to his son Jackson. Howard said that Gary is like Father-of-the-year the way he treats his kids. Howard said he can't read books to his kids because he gets bored. He said he told his daughter a story the other day that he made up himself. He then started thinking that maybe he's just more creative than Gary so he's not so bad off. The two of them spent a few minutes talking about the kids and how Howard is now doing the same thing as Gary. The only difference is that Howard is only doing it every other weekend when he has custody of the kids.

  Gary said that he had Jackson out around the city the other day and brought him to the Central Park Zoo. Howard said that he loves Zoos and that there's one at the Playboy Mansion that was really cool.

  Gary told Howard that he looks at raising his kids like making time in jail. He's just waiting until they turn 15 so that he can have a life of his own again. He knows that when they get to be about 13 or so they're going to hate him for a while. Howard said they come back when they're around 17 though.

  Howard went over the fact that he warned Gary not to get married because he wasn't ready. He was only 31 and Howard thinks that he could have kept having fun for many more years. He said he told him that because he really likes him. Gary said that he's heard Howard give that advice to strangers so he's not so sure about how much he loves him. Howard said that he can tell when a guy should get married. Gary wanted examples so Howard told him that Warren Beatty and Frank Gifford are two good ones. They were ready to get married. Doug Goodstein from E! isn't ready according to Howard. He thinks that Doug should still be having fun.

  Stuttering John was in on the conversation also but Howard said he really didn't care that much about him when he got married. This led to Howard playing a tape of John the Stutterer leaving a message on KC's voice mail. John was stuttering up a storm and Howard said you have to feel bad for the guy. It took him like 3 minutes to get out 30 seconds worth of a message. Stuttering John then shared a story about his speech classes in elementary school. He said that to teach stutterers to be able to talk to someone on the phone they'd have them call information and try to get out a question. John said it was really horrible.

  A caller asked Gary why he named his son Jackson. He said he's never heard two names that don't go together.. Jackson Dell'Abate. Gary said that they tried hard to find a name that wouldn't be the same as others in his family. Howard said that he recently went to see Ronnie the limo driver's son Brian who just had a baby. He said that Brian named his son Brian and it doesn't make sense. They didn't even give the baby a Junior so there's no good name for him. He said that the mother hasn't even said the baby's name yet because she doesn't know what to call him. If she says Brian then the husband will think he's being spoken to. They spent a few minutes discussing how strange some people's names are.

• Porn Star Houston Comes In. 8/9/00. 8:25am
  Gary was telling Howard how he just recently saw one of Houston's porn movies and it was really disturbing to him. He said he'd become friendly with her because she's been on the show so many times. Because of that when he saw her getting banged by some guy it was disturbing. Robin said that happened to her with Jenna Jameson. She ran across one of her movies and it was very strange seeing someone you know getting banged on TV. That led to a discussion about the Bukkake movie that Houston made. Howard said he saw it and it was really disgusting. He tried to explain Bukkake to everyone so we'd know what it means. He said that it's a Japanese thing where guys ''decorate'' women while they're tied up or buried. Houston was buried in sand and only her head and breasts were sticking out. The guys in the movie then foul her with their seed. During the discussion Howard had Houston come in to talk about the Bukkake thing. She told Howard that Bukkake means ''the degrading of women'' so that's what they do in these movies. She said they don't only ''decorate'' women with their load, they do other stuff also. She said the name of her movie is ''Buried Alive'' and it's available from Metro Home Video. Howard doesn't get the whole thing and why anyone would want to watch that. He also spoke to her about bondage movies and how when a woman is tied up she can't be penetrated on film because it would be considered rape. Houston said that she has done a few bondage films and she actually enjoys the pain when the guys beat her. She said it actually feels kind of like a massage after a while.

  After taking a break Howard gave Houston a few plugs. She'll be appearing at Legs Diamond in New York City until Saturday the 12th. She'll be at the Doll House in Columbus, Ohio on September 24.

  Howard heard that Houston and the kid he set her up with on a Prom date had actually moved in together. Houston told Howard that Brad moved out to Los Angeles and into her house for a total of 3 weeks. She said he was supposed to get a job and go to school but he was taking too long to get his act together. They both decided that he should figure out what he wants to do and they split up. Brad went home to Staten Island and they haven't seen each other in about a month. She might still see him while she's in the area though. She's been in town a while but hasn't had the chance to get together with him yet. She was out partying with some chick by the name of Ivy Supersonic. Howard said that Carmen Electra is friends with Ivy also but he doesn't get the name. He said that if she's Ivy Supersonic then he's ''Deluxe Motorola''. Apparently she designs hats and Howard might have her design one for him. He's been having trouble finding a hat to fit his big head so he might need one custom made.

  The main reason Houston was in was to talk about how she's auctioning off the labia pieces that were removed from her a few months ago. She's had them encased in a lucite sculpture and will be auctioning it off on EroticBid.com. Howard took a look at the so-called sculpture and almost threw up. He said it's hideous and told the guy who was showing it to him to get it away from him. Howard said the pieces of labia look like sea horses or boogers. Houston is also auctioning off her breast implant that burst. The labia bids start at $1500 and the implant starts at $500.

  Houston was also promoting the fact that she'll be doing another gang bang. This time, though, it'll be all anal! She and another porn actress by the name of Nicole Sheridan will be doing a circus-like thing where they try to out do each other. Ron Jeremy will be the ringmaster. She said they need people to be in the gang bang and you can find out more at WorldsBiggestGangBang.com. Houston told Howard that she'll have to practice the anal thing before filming. She might have Brad help her out with that.

  Howard tried to find out how much money a porn star/stripper can make per year. Houston said that some of them can make around a million a year. She wasn't giving details about how much she makes though. She wants to keep that to herself. Houston talked to Howard a little bit about how much she gets while she's stripping. A phone caller asked her if she'd ever do the Bunny Ranch, a whorehouse out west, so that guys can bang her. She said she's not ready to do that yet. She'd rather do an anal gang bang.

  Houston has her own web site at HoustonChannel.com and you should be able to find out all you ever wanted to know about her over there.

• Crazy Cabbie Has Been Fired REHIRED! 8/10/00. 7:05pm
  Those of you following the ongoing saga of Crazy Cabbie will be interested in knowing that he was fired on Tuesday, August 8. Cabbie was the producer of the Cane show and a frequent guest on Howard's show for the past few months. Earlier this week Cabbie was on the show telling Howard how he's just recently fallen off the wagon. He was 2 years sober and just started drinking again. Howard lectured Cabbie about hassling his interns and discussed his drinking.

  From the reports I've heard, Cabbie failed to show up for his job on the Cane show Tuesday night. Cane was so pissed that he called him and told him not to come back to work.. ever.

  It wasn't over though. K-Rock ran a poll on their web site asking if Cabbie should remain on the Cane show. The final results came back in Cabbie's favor... Surprisingly. So Cane had Cabbie back on the show Thursday, August 10. He made Cabbie sign a piece of paper that promised 10 things which read something like this:

  1. I promise to keep my testicles in my pants
  2. I promise to eat with my shirt on
  3. I promise not to blame others for self-created problems
  4. I promise not to lie
  5. I promise to chew with my mouth open
  6. I promise not to ask Cane for money ever again
  7. I promise to pay back Cane all the money I have borrowed
  8. I promise not to talk about sex or paint a picture that portrays me naked
  9. I promise to show up for work even when I'm on my death bed
  10. I promise to stop charting the days until the Olsen twins become legal
  It looks like those of you who hate Cabbie will be stuck with him a little longer.

• Various Stuff. 8/10/00. 6:05am
  Howard and the rest of the crew watched last night's episode of ''Survivor'' so they discussed some of the things that were going on. Howard was really bugged by the sight of Colleen's bug infested, open sores on her legs. He thought that was disgusting. Stuttering John said he'd still do her even with the open sores. Robin told Howard that the people on the island are starving so their immune systems are weakened and that's what's allowing her sores to fester. Howard was wondering why Colleen didn't just hang out in the salt water to help clear up her nasty sores. Howard also said that if he were on that island he'd probably end up killing that annoying Susan chick. He said she's just an ''animal'' and a ''monster'' the way she treats people.

  Gary sent Howard an e-mail containing the nude pictures of Jennifer Aniston that Celebrity Skin is getting sued over. Howard said that now he knows why she's suing the magazine. Her breasts don't look natural to Howard so he thinks that they might be implants... and bad ones at that. He thinks that it's wrong for someone to have taken the pictures but he was looking at them anyway. He said that Brad Pitt is about 10 times better looking than Jennifer.

  Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about how HBO's ''Sex and the City'' has started to get too graphic and dark. He said he still likes the show but it's going in a direction he doesn't like. He also said that he saw Sarah Jessica Parker in an interview recently and she has a nasty wart on her chin that she should remove. He said that with the wart and her whole look she's starting to look Witch-like.

  A paramedic called in to talk to Howard about the open sore discussion they had earlier in the show. Howard was telling the guy that he doesn't trust any paramedic to treat him because they're all gore-freaks. The paramedic agreed that there are some freaks who are paramedics but there are also some who actually care about saving lives. The paramedic told Howard that the condition that Colleen is in might be called scurvy because of her lack of nutrients in her diet.

  Howard told Robin that an old adversary of theirs from the WNBC days just died recently. Bob Mounty, who used to lecture Howard about his on air antics, died at the age of 71. Howard said that Bob was the Vice President of programming at WNBC back when he was there. Howard explained how the guy used to call him into his office and lecture him while he sucked on his fake teeth. Robin said that she had a good story about the guy to tell but she was going to keep it quiet so she wouldn't upset his family.

  Actor Eric Palladino from NBC's ''E.R.'' called in to apologize for something he'd done on VH-1's ''The List'' recently. Howard played tape the other day of Eric having Howard's name taken off of the list of Rock and Roll Bad Boys after Jim Florentine put him on. Eric told Howard that he did it just so Howard would recognize him so he could get on the show. It worked but Howard only had him on for about 3 minutes.

  Howard had some clips of Rudy the old guy from ''Survivor'' that he played. Most of the clips were Rudy talking about ''queers'', ''homosexuals'' and ''lesbians''. Howard loves the guy so much that he did an impression of him for a few minutes. He was pretending that he was Rudy talking about all of the ''queers'' and doing his mid-west accent.

• Howard's Old Co-Worker Brian Battles Calls In. 8/10/00. 7:50am
  When Howard and Fred worked together up at WCCC in Hartford, Connecticut they worked with this guy Brian Battles. Brian called in this morning to talk about the old days after he heard Howard talking about how he used to have to play Paul Harvey tapes. Howard said they used to have fun together even though actually working at that station was a nightmare. He told Robin how Brian once whipped out his penis and flopped it on the console while Howard was trying to do something on air. He took a record and swatted Brian's penis after he burst out laughing. Brian told Howard that he's now an ''overpaid geek'' computer programmer. They spent about 20 minutes talking about various stories from the WCCC days and even the first day on WNBC. Brian was there for that and remembered what a nightmare it was for Howard. Howard was so freaked out by his first day in New York radio that he got sick and had to go home early. Brian told Howard that he was a big fan of Howard's even back in the WCCC days. He said he used to do the 7pm - midnight shift but he'd stay up all night just so he could listen to Howard's show. He told Howard he remembered one bit where Howard told a caller that he'd call his girlfriend and give her an on-air valentine. Brian said that Howard then went on to hit on the girl who agreed to go on a date with him. She didn't know that she was on the air and that her boyfriend was on the phone listening in. Howard said he thinks he did the guy a favor. Howard told Brian to come down to visit the show sometime. He's got an open invitation.

• ''Survivor'' Host Jeff Probst Calls In. 8/10/00. 8:25am
  Jeff Probst, host of the CBS TV show ''Survivor'', called in this morning to talk about the show. Howard told Jeff that he really likes the ''Rod Serling-ish'' feel he brings to the show. Jeff said that it was kind of his idea to do that because the creator of the show wanted a really ''hard core'' type of feel to it. Howard said he heard that the people on the island really stunk of body odor. Jeff confirmed that they all stunk pretty bad and that Greg was one of the worst. There was no deodorant on the island but someone brought a razor so some people were able to shave. Howard also discussed Colleen's open wounds that he was talking about earlier in the morning. Jeff said that they had a paramedic and a doctor on staff at the island and he thinks they were keeping an eye on her. Colleen was on Bryant Gumbel's show this morning and was saying that she now has scars on her legs from all of the wounds. Howard said that he thinks she was really cute and pretty bright. Jeff said that she was pretty bright and was playing the game just as well as everyone else.

  Howard wondered if Jeff hated Richard the gay guy or Susan the truck driver as much as he does. Jeff said he didn't hate Richard at all. He got along with everyone but Greg who caused some problems on the show. He said that was just until Greg got kicked off though. He spoke to him after that and found out that Greg was just bored and trying to liven things up.

  Jeff is such a fan of Howard's that he had tapes of his show Fed-Ex'd to him. He told Howard that he had the March 14th and 18th shows and that was it. He said he listened to them over and over again, hearing new stuff each time he listened. He said one of the shows was when Mark Harris was talking about his buttermilk bath.

  Jeff said that Richard isn't as fat as he looks on the show. He actually lost a lot of weight even though Howard thinks he hasn't lost that much. Jeff did say that it was weird to be so close to a guy who was naked so often.

  Howard wondered how everyone went to the bathroom there also. Jeff said that because they weren't eating that much that they didn't have to move their bowels often. He said that there was a contest that lasted 15 days between 2 people. They didn't crap for 15 days!

  Jeff said that he'll be the host of the second ''Survivor'' which will take place in Australia. He's surprised at how big the show became.

  Howard wanted to know if he knew anything about Colleen having sex with Greg. Jeff said that the two of them would go out in the woods together but he's not positive about the rumors. He said a lot of people were talking on the island though. Howard asked Jeff if he ever got to smell Greg's fingers. Jeff just laughed.

  Jeff told Howard that the crew didn't have great accommodations on the island. They had plywood huts that they lived in. Their meals were cooked by a Malaysian family who only knew how to make Malaysian food. Jeff said he lost 15 pounds himself.

  Jeff said that there are only 2 more weeks worth of shows and the last show is a 2 hour finale. Jeff is now working on a movie he directed called ''Finders Fee''. He said he hopes to have it out by next year.

• Song Parody Contest Rules. 8/10/00. 8:50am
  Howard is holding a song parody contest that anyone can enter. On the special MTV Video Music Awards show that Howard is doing he'll give away $20,000 courtesy of Beck's Beer. 1st prize is $10,000, 2nd prize is $5000 and third and fourth place will split the other $5000. Howard said the parodies can be about anything. He played some that he's received over the past year or so just to give everyone an idea of what to do. He played the ''Howard Keep Your Pimp Hand Strong'' song as well as a JFK Jr. Song parody. One of the songs was Travis the farter just farting over a Kathie Lee Gifford song. Howard quickly read some rules that read something like this.. All entries must be received by 5pm on August 31. Include a 3x5 card with your name, address, day and night phone number as well as your age and a signed statement saying that this is an original work. The songs can be on cassette or CD. Send your entries to:
  Howard Stern Song Parody Contest
  40 West 57th Street
  New York, NY 10019

• Howard Gives Away A Trip To Vegas. 8/10/00. 9:15am
  Howard had a trip to Vegas to see Sting to give away this morning courtesy of MGM.com. He had a caller on the phone who had a game for him to play. Howard said that if the guy could stump him he'd give him the trip. The guy had a Celebrity Divorce game where he'd give 3 names and Howard would have to guess which one never got divorced. The guy screwed up on the first question because all 3 celebs had been divorced. He had Whoopi Goldberg, Carrie Fisher and Joan Rivers as the three. Howard got the next two right and screwed up one so he offered the trip to the guy. The guy said that he didn't want the trip so Howard had to find another player. He had a mystery record that he played for the guy. Howard knew who it was so he guessed for the player and got it right. It was an old John Travolta song that was actually in the top 10 songs at one time.

  Speaking of John Travolta, Howard said that Gary Garver went out and tried to interview him. He only got off one question before Travolta walked away. Garver asked Travolta ''Do you think that Scientology is a dangerous cult?''

• ''Survivor'' Colleen Calls In. 8/10/00. 9:20am
  It's like ''Survivor'' Thursday today. 23 year old Colleen Haskell who got kicked off the island on last night's show called in this morning. Colleen was on her way from one interview to another so she called in from a cell phone. Howard immediately told her how cute she was. He said that the bugs in her open sores were disgusting but he still thinks she's cute. She told him that they're just scars now and she has a story to tell about how she got them so it's not so bad. Howard asked her why she didn't just go in the salt water to help heal the wounds. Colleen said that everyone was just sick of the water so she didn't want to go in for any reason. She joked that there were maggots living in the wounds but when Howard sounded repulsed she said that they were just fruit flys and stuff.

  Howard said that she sounds like a pretty smart chick and wondered what she's doing now. She's in college down in Miami. Her major is in advertising. Howard continued to tell her how cute she is and how he wished she was in the studio so he could make out with her.

  Howard asked her if Playboy actually offered her the rumored $500,000. She said it was more like $100,000 and that it's not her thing. She doesn't think that she's Playboy material. Howard told her that her face is great and she's got a kick-ass body so she should do it. She's not going to though.

  Howard also asked her about Greg and whether or not they were doing anything sexual there. She said that she was being sarcastic when she said that it was all sex when they went in the woods. She swore that they didn't do anything, not even a peck on the cheek.

  When Howard started asking Colleen about moving bowels, periods and masturbation she started to avoid answering. She did acknowledge that they didn't move their bowels all that often. Howard asked her if there was any way for her to play with herself without the camera's catching it. She just acted all disgusted and didn't answer the question.

  Before Colleen got off the phone Howard advised her to get out of the advertising thing. He said that he was doing advertising before the DJ thing and he was miserable. His mother told him that advertising doesn't help anyone so he should get out of it. Even Colleen said that she almost walked out of class when the teacher told the class that it was a really selfish career where they'd make big money. The whole class started cheering and she said she almost walked out.

  Howard asked her a couple more questions about the island before the publicist pulled her into an elevator on the way to the next interview.

• The Best Of Stern. 8/11/00.
  Much to my surprise I woke up to hear ''The Best of Stern'' playing this morning. I don't know if it was a scheduled vacation or a sick day. Here's what we heard on today's ''Best Of'':
  • ''The Robin Quivers School of Impressions'' commercial parody.
  • Gary sings ''I Got Big Teeth In The Morning Sun'' to the tune of ''Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay''
  • A step-father calls in to tell Howard that he wants to kill his step-daughter. It turns out he really wants to sleep with her so Howard advises him to get out of the house. He also tells the step-daughter that she should get away from the guy.
  • Stuttering John interviews celebrities at the Red Ball. Here's an excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives...
    • 2-14-96. The stuttering fool was at it again last night. John was out at some function called the Red Ball. John asked Madeline Kahn 'who are you' and 'what do you do that makes you famous'. Of course she responded as if John had punched her in the head. John also asked ex-mayor of New York City, David Dinkens, 'why do black people hoot and holler so much during movies'. Mayor Dinkens said to John '...do they do that?..' John also interviewed Robert Goulet(who touched John's nuts when asked 'is your voice affected if you get sore testicles'!), Kathleen Turner, Rex Reed, Cindy and Joey Adams.
  • Stuttering John's problems at the Red Ball lead to a newspaper article. Here's an excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives...
    • 2-15-96. Marty Richards is the man that held the Red Ball where Stuttering John did some interviews a couple of days ago. Mr. Richards smacked John in the head for no apparent reason other than the fact that he didn't want John there. Howard read an article about this ass wipe where Richards boasts about his immature actions. He also lied about the E! camera hitting him in the head. They have this all on video tape and it shows John did nothing to provoke this crap.
  • David Spade comes in for the first time. Here's an excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives...
    • 2-12-96. David Spade from Saturday Night Live> came in this morning to plug his movie ''Black Sheep''. Howard met David a couple of months ago in a secret meeting with Lorne Michaels(SNL Creator) in which Howard gave his ideas for a bit that he was going to do on Saturday Night Live. They didn't want to do the spontaneous bit that Howard came up with...so Howard did it on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Lesbians lesbians lesbians...Howard's motto. Howard didn't say anything about doing SNL anytime in the near future since he's not plugging his book anymore.
  • Howard discusses intern Steve Grillo's heavy drinking and what a problem it is
  • Howard yells at Gary over a tape copying incident. Here's an excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives...
    • 2-26-96. Monkey boy has done it again. This weekend Howard got a call from Ralph. Ralph says that he just saw HBO's 'Late Shift', the movie about late night tv shows that Howard's director, Betty Thomas, directed. Well, Howard asked him how he could have seen it since it hadn't been on HBO yet. Ralph said that Gary had given him Howard's personal copy of it and he made his own copy. Howard freaked on Gary this morning about how he doesn't have the right to give out Howard's personal mail to a moron like Ralph. But it had actually gone to Grillo first! Grillo was the one that gave it to Ralph. We later learned that Gary circulates things like this in the 'inner circle' of Stern Show employees. The 'Inner Circle' consists of people like Stuttering John, Steve Grillo, Jackie, Fred, but not Robin!? Gary walked out of the studio while Howard was yelling at him. He eventually came back and I'm sure he'll never do anything like this again....Yeah right!