Monica Lewinsky was at a restaurant that Howard was at the other night. He said that he didn't get to see her but the guy he was with had to go over and take a look. That guy told Howard that Monica was just as fat as ever. Howard went on to say how wrong it was of President Clinton to take advantage of a young woman the way he did. This somehow led to a discussion about Hillary Clinton's alleged ''Jew'' comments. Stuttering John told a story about how some guy who crashed his party ended up complaining about his wife. He thought that she didn't like him and ended up calling her a ''filthy Jew'' or something like that. That discussion led to Howard talking about how wacky religion is and how he didn't want his kids to be raised under any organized religion. He said it's all fairy tales and he didn't want his kids to be taught all of that but his wife decided to raise them Jewish.
King of all Blacks called in to give his review of the new Eddie Murphy movie ''Nutty Professor 2: The Klumps''. KOAB said that it was awful and he had to walk out before it was over. He said it had way too much Eddie Murphy in it. He also said that Janet Jackson stole the energy from the whole movie. He said it looked like she was being held there against her will, like she didn't even want to be there.
Howard and the gang went to see ''Hollow Man'' last Friday. Howard said that he thought it was really cool and that he had a good time watching it. He also said that some of the other guys that went didn't like it and they goofed on him for liking it. Howard said that Ralph doesn't like any of the movies they see so you can't trust his review.
Howard also told us about how he went out to a couple of places this weekend. He was at this club called Spa. He saw basketball player Jason Williams there but the music was so loud he's not sure what the guy said to him. He just remembers hearing Imus' name brought up and possibly $10,000 but he's not sure why either of those were brought up. Williams also brought Charles Oakley over but Howard didn't understand any of what he said either. Howard tried to recreate the whole situation by having loud music playing in the background while he mumbled what he thought he heard.
Howard also went out to dinner at the Japanese restaurant Nobu over the weekend. He was there with Famke Janssen from the ''X-Men'' movie as well as a couple of other people. He said he even danced with Famke that night. Howard said there were 7 people at his table and the final bill was about $751. He ended up paying about $300 of it because no one was contributing money for the tip so he got stuck chipping that in.
Howard said that some big black chick was rubbing her ass on him while he was dancing but he pawned her off on Ralph. He later saw Ralph and the woman making out.
Last week Howard was very down on himself about his looks. He saw himself on the local news last week because he was out at the ''Son of the Beach'' party. He said he looked hideous and he was all slouched over. Robin said that they had to try and raise up his self esteem. It didn't work too well because Howard still thinks he looks like crap. He was actually thinking that he looks worse than ''Son of the Beach'' star Tim Stack. Robin said that even Gary looks better than Tim.
Battle of the Bands with ''Star Trek: Voyager'' star Tim Russ will be happening soon so Howard was playing some of his music this morning. Howard also heard that Anthony Michael Hall's band may also be in a Battle of the Bands. Howard said that Hall is barely a celebrity anymore and he wants to battle celebrity bands.
High Pitch Erik called in to tell Howard that he was arrested recently. He apparently made some threatening phone calls to some of Howard's competitors who were bad mouthing him over vacation. He admitted that he threatened to blow up their cars if they didn't stop talking about Howard. They turned him in and he was arrested. Everyone knows that Erik doesn't have the balls to actually do something like that but it's still kind of dumb to make threats like that.
A 31 year old guy called in to ask Howard's advice about on his situation. The guy said that he's been making out with a 16 year old girl lately and wanted Howard's advice. Howard told him it's wrong and he shouldn't be dating anyone younger than 20 or so. The guy told Howard how he hooked up with this young girl while he was house-sitting some house. He got her number for something other than dating but ended up calling her and hooking up with her. He said he hasn't had sex with her but he did feel her up over her clothes. Howard said that if some 31 year old went out with his 17 year old he'd probably have to kill him. Howard let a few phone callers yell at this guy about how wrong it is. The guy eventually hung up after people started asking him where in New Jersey he lives.
Dominic Barbara called in and wanted to add more rules to the game but Howard told him he wants to keep it simple. There won't be any doubling of points or anything like that. Tune in next week to hear all of the lists.
Howard also spent some time talking to Tom about the web site he had up and running recently where he was trying to find a bride. Tom told Howard that MarryTom.com was a little too time consuming and he's pretty much given up on trying to find a bride that way. He found a woman to date without the site and she was a little upset about the site.
Tom and Howard also spoke a little bit about Tom's divorce and how he didn't have a pre-nuptial agreement with the woman he was married to. Howard figured Tom would know better than that after his messy break up with Roseanne.
After talking about that Howard got back to the Las Vegas thing. Tom told Howard that he doesn't have to roast Les Moonves if he doesn't want to. They just want Howard out there at the event. Howard said that he might just want to roast Les because he treats him like crap. He might just blast away at Les and tell him what a dick he really is.
Gary came in and told Howard how great the Hard Rock hotel is out in Vegas. That's where Howard would be staying and the way Gary described it may have made up Howard's mind. Gary told Howard that they have cabana's set up by the pool and inside of the cabana's there's a spray mister that keeps you cool while you watch TV or watch the really hot women swimming in the pool. Howard said that he'll probably take his buddies Richie, Pat and Ralph with him when he goes. Gary had his hopes up but Howard shot him down saying that he's taking his other buddies.
Before Tom got off the phone Howard asked him about Roseanne's claims of giving great oral sex. She'd claimed that she was the best at it when she was on last week. Tom was very hesitant to answer with a number on a scale of 1 to 10. He was stuttering and rambling as he tried to think of an answer. He eventually said that she was an 8 on the scale of 10. He actually gave her a better number than her current husband Ben. He only gave her a 7.
''Son of the Beach'' starts its new season tonight at 10pm. Howard said that Mark Hamill stars in tonight's episode.
Howard had a couple of Gary Garver interviews to play this morning. Gary interviewed boxer Carmen Basilio, Leon Spinks and Wade Boggs. He asked the two boxers questions like:
Dennis Miller (comedian Craig Gass) called in to talk about his Monday Night Football debut. Miller made some more comments that no one would understand. Howard also had Miller do a quick rehearsal with him to see if he'd improve on his comments. Some of the stuff he said was actually funnier than the real Dennis Miller. Craig Gass appears regularly at Boston Comedy Club in New York City and will be performing at Christopher's in Long Island this Wednesday, August 2.
Mark also told Howard that he's going to be on the Screen Actors Guild picket line today. He told Howard that he doesn't do any commercials but he wants to support the actors who do them. There are some changes that are supposed to happen in the commercial acting industry and people have been on strike for some time now.
Howard took some phone calls for Mark and one guy asked Mark why he was demanding that people pay $250 for some animated ''Batman Beyond'' lithograph that he was autographing recently. Mark does a voice for the animated ''Batman Beyond'', that's why he was doing the autograph signing. Mark said that he wasn't aware that the people were being kicked out of line if they didn't purchase the $250 item and apologized to the caller. Mark actually said that if people send him stuff in the mail he'll autograph it and send it back to them. He wasn't trying to snub anyone at that autograph signing.
Howard asked Mark what he thought of ''Star Wars Episode 1'' since he was in the first one. Mark wouldn't bad mouth it but he wasn't really saying anything good about it either. Howard thinks that it sucked so he was trying to get Mark to agree but he couldn't get him to do it. Mark said that his son was in the movie somewhere but he's not sure exactly where. He said that he was an extra and the way they turned 15 extras into 500 made it hard to find him in the film.
After a caller said that Mark had grabbed the ass of a 17 year old at Disneyland Howard started asking Mark about the size of his penis. Mark wasn't talking about it so Howard had him put his wife Marylou on the phone. Marylou wound't tell Howard just how big it was either but she did say that he was good in bed. After that Howard wrapped things up and reminded everyone that ''Son of the Beach'' airs at 10pm tonight.
Howard asked her about how many women her sons are banging lately. She ended up telling Howard that Frank likes to sleep with women who are about 20 years older than him. After a little calculation Howard and Robin figured that means he's banging 70 year old women. Jackie told Howard that Frank is only 35! Everyone laughed and said that Frank probably has kids that are 35. Gary said that Frank is 48. Jackie said that she's only 48 and everyone burst out laughing again.
Jackie went on to tell Howard about her psychic dogs. She thinks that her two dogs, Rachel and Hanna, are psychic. There have been a couple of articles lately where she talks about how they may have saved her life. Howard read one that was in the National Enquirer. She basically said that the dogs sat at her side like sentries and she soon realized that she was feeling pain in her chest. When her husband came home they rushed to the hospital. Howard thought that she actually had a heart attack but Jackie said that it was just a scare. So she didn't actually have a problem but she thinks her dogs knew something. She told Howard that she's even going to start up a psychic hotline featuring her dogs. It was hard to tell if she was kidding or if she's just nuts.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about an article where Elizabeth Hurley bad mouths her ex Hugh Grant's bedroom habits. Howard doesn't think that it's right the way she was talking about him.
Where's Crazy Cabbie? Yesterday Cabbie was supposed to come on Howard's show but he never showed up. He didn't show up for his regular job on Cane's show at 6pm either. Gary said that he got a call from the program director last night at 7:30 asking him if he'd seen Cabbie that day. No one knows where the guy is. Howard is thinking that it might be a publicity stunt because Cane was talking about it on his show last night and Cabbie made some cryptic call where he said he was going to be on the 7 train and he had a big announcement to make. He never showed up though. Some people are thinking that he's gone back to Minnesota do get back with his fiancee. She's the one he broke up with on the air a few months ago. Other people are thinking he may have fallen off the wagon and gone back to drinking. Howard doesn't believe that's the case though. He thinks that Cabbie is really trying not to drink.
Howard played a voice mail from Crazy Alice that she left after the Mr. T interview. Alice said that it was her last call to the show and started to yell at Howard for treating Mr. T the way he did. She said that Mr. T should have slapped that big nose off his face for the way he was talking about his mother.
Howard took a few phone calls and spoke a little bit more about Dennis Miller's Monday Night Football debut. He also replayed the Dennis Miller call from yesterday.
Extreme Fan Bobo called in with some suggestions for Howard if he decides to sign a new contract with Infinity Broadcasting this coming November. Howard said that he's not sure he's going to be signing any contract. Bobo basically just had a list of things that Howard complains about every week. Things like the ceiling height in the studio, the lights, cameras and General Manager Tom Chiusano were all things that Bobo mentioned as things that need to be changed in order for Howard to stay at the station.
Howard also went over his plans for his broadcast from the MTV Music Video Awards which he discussed last week. A listener wanted more details on the song parody contest that Howard is going to be running but Gary is still working on the logistics of it all. We should have all of the details in the near future. Howard is still planning on doing the drinking show and possibly performing as the Backside Boys. He's not settled on that part of it yet but he and the crew will be drinking margaritas and other alcoholic beverages throughout the broadcast. The winners of the still to be announced song parody contest will also be drinking with the crew.
A female caller confused the hell out of Howard this morning. She mumbled something about not being able to talk about what she wanted to talk about on the air. Howard had to have Stuttering John explain it to him because he'd screened the call. He said that the woman wanted to come on the show and suckle her own breasts but her mother told her that she couldn't. He mother then demonstrated what it would look like if she actually did it. The woman on the phone turned out to be a 30 year old mother of two. They then found out that her mother was 55 and she was suckling her own breast. That thought just disgusted everyone. Jackie gagged when he heard that. The caller also wanted to sing a song parody but after about 3 words Howard just hung up on her and took a commercial break.
There were 3 categories with 5 questions each. They didn't say what the categories were so we'll just say there were 15 questions. The questions ranged in value from $100 to $500. If they answered a question wrong they'd lose that amount of money. Big Black started it off and it went very quickly from there. Here are some of the questions and the correct answers:
Word quickly spread to Howard that the final Jeopardy question had been censored by Andre in the back room. Howard freaked out and demanded that Andre come in to explain why it had been cut. Andre wouldn't come in and refused to answer Stuttering John when asked why he hit the delay. When Howard threatened to walk off the show Andre sent word that it was the way the question was worded with the ''sink'' part in it. Howard changed it so that he left ''sink'' out of it so the audience would know what it was. He was so pissed about this that he said he's done (with his radio contract) in 4 months.
All of this led to a discussion about words that can and can't be used on the air because of the wacky FCC non-existent rules. Howard says that he can use the T-word (tit) on the air but Andre censors him every time anyway. He said he's been told by Tom Chiusano that he can use it. Gary came in and told Howard that he can only use it if he says something like ''Me and John went to a titty bar the other day.'' He can't just say the word in another way. Howard also said that he's not allowed to say a-hole but callers and guests can. It's all very weird and frustrating for Howard.
Howard also mentioned that Hugh Hefner just bought the crypt next to Marilyn Monroe so he can be next to her when he dies.
Howard had another band who remade the theme from Titanic song. This band, A New Found Glory, did a punkish version of the song and Howard was enjoying it quite a bit. He played a couple of clips from their album but the Titanic song was the best out of all of their cover songs.
Howard and the crew were talking about last night's ''Survivor'' for a short time. Howard said that the gay guy, Richard, just never loses weight while everyone else is getting really skinny. He really likes the young Colleen chick. He said she's gotten really hot over time. He also said that Kelly is starting to look much better now that she's slimmed down a bit. Howard said that he really likes the host, Jeff Probst, because he gives the show a good vibe. He said that he ''..brings importance to a dumb show.'' He thinks that the old guy Rudy is just like his old gym teachers who treated the students so poorly. Howard told Robin about this one teacher who made the class stand at attention with their arms out straight for the whole class. He said that one kid passed out from the pain. He also told a story about a teacher who would make the slowest person in the class run an extra lap just because he came in last.
Howard also spent a short time talking about Dick Cheney's gay daughter Mary and how ''butch'' she looked at the Republican National Convention.
Howard changed subjects when Stuttering John came in wearing his sandals and showing his really ugly toenails. Howard told John that he shouldn't wear those things because his feet are so ugly. He said that no one wants to see that. John revealed that his wife actually cuts his toenails for him. Howard said she didn't cut them enough because they looked like claws. Howard told him that sandals are gay and he would never wear them to work. Howard had Anne Marie come in to compare his feet to John's. Anne Marie found Howard's much more attractive of course.
Madelyn also told Howard that she has new breast implants that she just had put in a week and a half ago. She showed them to Howard and he could see the nasty scars under her breasts. She said that she had silicone implants put in this time because they look and feel more real. She said she's not afraid of getting cancer with the silicone in there. She claims that the implants are the only plastic surgery she's had other than a minor fix to her nose. Gary asked her about her full lips which look like they've been injected with collagen. She claims they're her own. Howard congratulated her on her new breasts and told her she had a nice ass as she left the studio. You can see Madelyn at her web site MadelynNight.com
Howard spent a little while talking about how hard it is to make a phone call to a radio station after a caller froze up and didn't say anything this morning. He remembered how nervous he gets when he makes phony phone calls himself.
Howard also talked a little bit about radio DJ Bill 'Rosco' Mercer who just died recently. He told some stories about how Rosco got in trouble with his boss Mel Karmazin after he claimed that the company was racist because they were changing the format of the station he was working on.
At one point David Letterman (an impersonator) called in and told Howard that he's also against the Make a Wish thing. He told Howard a story about meeting a kid who was dying but then it turned out that the kid wasn't dying.
Jake's foundation doesn't have a web site, they only have a bulletin board. He suggested that you could hit the search engines to find the board.
Howard had a funny story to share about his buddy Ralph also. He said that about a year ago he got Ralph in to a Playboy party out in California. Ralph even got invited back a few times for other parties so he was starting to think that he had something going on. Howard described how they run these parties and how they pick out people to come to them by looking at their 8x10 pictures. They actually ask for head shots to judge whether or not they can come to the party. Recently Ralph called up the Playboy people and asked if he could go to their ''Midsummer Night's Dream'' pajama party. He got rejected but got a call a couple of days later. They asked him for a picture of himself so that they could judge whether or not he could go. He ended up sending in a picture of himself at the party last year since he didn't have a head shot of himself. They called him back and told him he couldn't go. Howard said that really leveled Ralph and brought him down to earth. He was starting to think he had something going on and now he's been rejected. Ralph called in and said that this really makes him want to go even more because the parties are so great. Last year he got oral sex from some hot chick at the party. Gary said that he's trying to get someone from Playboy to come on the air to explain why Ralph was rejected.
After the call Howard said that he still hasn't picked a song yet and suggested that when they do that they should practice outside of the show. Fred worked something up with ''Spirit in the Sky'' that might work. He used a programmable keyboard to create the music and altered his voice to make it sound modern. Howard said they'll try to pick 5 songs to choose from.
He was asked how many senators there are in the U.S. Beetlejuice said ''200''.. Howard said that was pretty close. Beetlejuice said that he has lived in New York for 2 years so he's eligible to run. KC said that he actually lives in New Jersey. Howard asked him a bunch of questions and he started answering them ''Me!?'' like he did the last time he was on. Howard wanted to quiz him on some political stuff so he and Robin asked him questions on gasoline prices. He said that he'd just have the prices set at $3.50.. Then $2.50 to fill a tank. He said that he has gun control under control and told Howard he was in the Army. He said he was in the war back in 1972.. in Vietnam for 2 years. He said he shot 200 people in that war.. all Chinese people. Howard asked him about Social Security and Beetlejuice said something about ''You need sponsors..'' which had nothing to do with the question. Beetlejuice went on to talk about how he spent 2 years in Desert Storm up in the mountains. He also told Howard that he auditioned for the HBO show ''The Sopranos''. He said that he's been Italian for 2 years now. He also said that he's been a cop for 2 years. He works in the ''over cover unit''. Howard heard that Beetlejuice buys reading glasses to read his newspapers.. but he can't read. Beetlejuice said he can read but when Howard asked him to read something he just made up stuff. Howard asked him to spell cat. He said ''A T E R''. ''Spell dog'' Howard said. ''L E E R'' is how he spelled it. He continued on to say that he reads books for 24 hours or so. (If this doesn't make sense then you're understanding what it was like to hear the show). Beetlejuice also loves Slim Jim treats. He once walked out of a store with 50 of them. He told Howard it was only 20 though. He also likes mustard sandwiches but calls them ketchup sandwiches. Howard read that Beetlejuice sometimes buys $50 worth of Chinese food take out and only eats about $3 worth. Howard asked him if he handles his own money. He claims he does but Gary didn't believe it and quizzed him with some math questions. He said ''If you have a dollar bill, 2 quarters and a dime, how much do you have?'' Beetlejuice answered ''A dolla' twenty five.'' As Howard was wrapping things up he asked Beetlejuice about his schooling. He claims that he went to college for 2 years. He also has a couple of kids with his girlfriend. He told Howard he has 2 kids. Howard asked him if they're boys or girls. He said ''2 boys and 2 girls!''.. but he only has 2 kids?
Beetlejuice is appearing at the Horizon Night Club in Staten Island tonight. You can find out more at JollyDwarf.com
Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. Here are this week's stories:
Howard continued his interview with Dave after the game. He asked him if Eddie Murphy ever asked to see his feet while he was working on the ''Nutty Professor'' movie. Dave said Eddie was cool with him during that shoot and they just hung out. Howard also learned that Dave's girlfriend is pregnant. Dave told Howard that she's a Philippino woman but she lived in Brooklyn. He now lives in Ohio on a 65 acre farm with her. He said he has plans to marry her in the future. Howard doesn't get that whole marriage thing anymore now that his is over. Dave asked Howard if he thinks he would have gotten as far in his career if he hadn't gotten married. Howard said he'd like to think that he has some talent but then said that his marriage probably helped him focus on his life and career. That's what Dave wants to do with his life also. He said it's kind of like frequent flyer miles. When you're sleeping around you're using up your miles on different airlines. When you marry you are getting all of your miles on one airline.
Howard brought up the fact that Dave walked away from a FOX TV show he was going to do. They wanted to have him living with a white woman on the show and he didn't think that would go over very well so he walked away from the project. Dave's special is on HBO Saturday, August 5 at 11pm.