Howard is upset that he lost an hour of sleep when the clocks were set ahead for Daylight Savings Time this weekend. Gary mentioned that on the all news station they said that it's the law to change your clocks for DST and Howard said they probably have to say that because there are certain people, probably the Hasidic Jews, who just don't go along with it. A short time later Benjy gave him an article from 1980 that talked about how the Hasidic Jews over in Israel don't go along with their DST. He was just joking when he mentioned them but it turns out he was right.
Howard was also upset that his microphone was being held together with tape when he came in this morning. The tape broke and Scott the Engineer had to come in to fix it. Howard spent a couple of minutes pondering why it wasn't fixed over the weekend. Scott didn't have a good answer so he just taped it up again.
The thing that really set Howard off this morning was an article (Read It) in the New York Post that said Howard isn't being paid enough. The article said that Howard should be making about twice as much as he's making now. They estimated that he's making $18 Million a year and Howard said that was overestimated. Howard helps the station he's on bring in huge amounts of money and they don't compensate him the way they should. Howard went nuts and said that the article was right and that he's treated like crap there. He was so angry that he couldn't finish reading the article. He also yelled about the head of programming at CBS, Les Moonves. Howard said that guy gets paid ridiculous amounts of money to do a job that a monkey could do. Howard said that he could do just as good a job as Les.
Howard also spent a minute talking about Supermodel Naomi Campbell and her mystery virus which hits her randomly every few weeks or so. He read an article that said she got the virus when she went to India on vacation. Her mother has been going around telling everyone what the symptoms are. She gets a fever, diarrhea and vomits. Doctors have been unable to figure out what it is. Howard just wanted to point out that he doesn't leave this country just for that reason. He doesn't want to get a disease that's undiagnosable.
Judging Gladimir were Robin Quivers, Robin Radzinski and Annmarie from E!. Gladimir said he wants to be a porn star so that's the reason for his evaluation. He's kind of short according to Howard. He thought the guy was under 5 feet tall but Gladimir claims that he's 5 feet 6 inches tall. He told Howard that he lost his virginity at 13 to a 23 year old mute woman. He also said that he was molested by his female nanny at the age of 7. Howard said that wasn't molestation, that was lucky. Gladimir said the nanny gave him a necklace of hickeys and that's how she was caught. He said that she gave him oral and he had some fun.
Howard eventually got Gladimir to show the women his body after telling him to do it a bunch of times. The women said he was pretty muscular and it made up for his facial looks. Howard told him to pull down his pants for the girls but he just flashed them his pubic area. They were all weirded out by the fact that it was shaved bald. Gladimir said that was his girlfriend's request. He claimed that he has 9 inches in his pants but never did show the girls his package. Robin ended up giving him a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10. Radzinski gave him a 6 saying that he needs to work out just a little more. Annmarie agreed and gave him a 6 also. The women said he probably couldn't make it in straight porn but gay porn might be the way to go.
Howard would get off the subject of Courtney for a minute but would soon get right back to her. He asked David what it's like to go out with her. He wondered if David gets lost in the crowd when he's with her but David didn't really answer the question. He asked him if the rumor that Courtney is pregnant is true. David says that they're not trying to have a baby right now but they will try in the future. Howard asked David if he avoids getting her pregnant by giving her anal sex. David said that he doesn't do that with her. He said that he has done it with other women but not with Courtney. Howard said that was shocking to him. He thought that since they were going to be partners for life that they'd do everything together. David said it's not his favorite thing to do.
David talked a little bit about his marriage proposal to Courtney. He said that he paid over $12,000 to have fireworks shot off of a barge after he proposed to her on a beach in Florida. She actually said yes to him before the fireworks went off.
Howard started taking phone calls and David knew that was going to be trouble. He said ''Here it comes!'' as Howard plunked down the first caller. Every call was someone yelling at David for one reason or another. David thinks that the people are just jealous of him. One guy asked if David has a problem watching the Batman movie with Michael Keaton in it because Keaton was Courtney's boyfriend for a while. David said he doesn't have a problem with that.
Howard finally let David talk about ''Ready to Rumble'' before ending the interview. David said it's about 2 fans of WCW wrestling that have an adventure in the world of wrestling. Also starring in the movie are Rose McGowan and Martin Landau.
Dr. Jed's wife Terry called in to tell Howard that her experience with the cream has been very good. She said she feels more and it feels better. She thought that her husband had changed his technique the first time she applied the cream. It turned out it was the cream though. Howard suggested some names for the cream like ''Poon Jam'', ''Lap Crap'' and ''Taco Sauce'' but Dr. Jed has already named it ''Dream Cream''. You can find out more about this cream at FemaleSexualTherapy.com.
Howard spent some time talking about the Microsoft anti-trust lawsuit. He thinks that Windows is on it's way out and that people will be using other ways to get on the web in the future. He thinks that the judge in the suit doesn't know much about the way of the computer either.
A bunch of callers called in trying to Stump The Joke Man this morning also. Howard was giving away a bunch of tickets to the Rain Forest concert. He even gave them away to people who were unable to stump Jackie. A couple of the jokes went sort of like this:
One caller asked Howard why he doesn't take the radio show to his own production company so he can get away from all of the crap he has to put up with. Howard explained to the guy how 5 years ago he thought that his boss Mel Karmazin was his buddy so he signed on for another 5 years. Now he sees that he's not as close to him because of all of the other imitators that have been brought into the company. He also complained about how he was lied to by Tom Chiusano about the studio he's in and how they were going to have nice high ceilings for the TV equipment. He doesn't have that and no matter how much he complains about it, nothing gets done. Yesterday he swore that he's not bitching about all of this stuff to get more money to sign another contract. It sounds like he may really be done working for CBS/Infinity Broadcasting.
Howard said that Foster has produced songs with artists such as Whitney Houston, Celine Dion and Tony Braxton among many others. He's also the guy who hit Ben Vereen with his car a few years back when Ben was out jogging in the middle of the night. David says that Ben had been in an accident earlier that day and he had some kind of subdural hematoma that the doctors wouldn't have found if David hadn't hit him with his car. So now Ben credits him with saving his life!
Howard tried to find out why David wouldn't come up in the elevator. David says that 20 years ago he got stuck in an elevator and it freaked him out so much that he stopped using them all together. He told Howard that he used on only once in the past 20 years. He said that Pavarotti insisted that he take the elevator down from his hotel room after they'd worked together on something. David said that Pavarotti sang the whole way down.
Howard also mentioned that David is married to Elvis' old girlfriend Linda Thompson. They spent a few minutes talking about David's 3 marriages and his kids. Linda was also married to Bruce Jenner at one point so Howard asked David what happened to Bruce's nose. It looks like he got a bad nose job. David said that Bruce was in a bad motorcycle accident and he had to have surgery on his face to fix his nose. That explained a lot of unanswered questions in Robin and Howard's minds.
The main reason for this interview was so that David could promote his new web site Tonos.com. David said that the site being launched today and it's got what they call ''Click, Sing, Send'' where you can audition to be a singer. You click a song to download, sing along with it and send it to them. David said that people can do this for the chance to have a record produced by him and his partners which include Baby Face and Carol Bayer Sager. Howard wonders how sites like this can make money. David said he hadn't really thought of making money with it. It's more of a talent search but, he said, they may find the next Celine Dion through it.
Another call Howard played was Tom getting a call from a police organization looking for donations. Tom pretends to be smoking pot and telling his young kid to go out and get him some beer. The cop on the phone starts to question Tom about having a minor drunk in his house and Tom yells at him for telling him how to raise his kids. The last call was Tom getting a call from a movie research company. He tells the woman that he was just getting ready to watch some porn. He then pretends to tell his young kid to get him some hand lotion. The woman then decides that it's not a good time to talk to him and she gets off the phone. The calls were hilarious.
Howard also heard that Gary is a whiz at putting together stereo equipment. Baba Booey came in and said that Mike Gange was the one who told him about Gary's talent so he hasn't seen it for himself. Howard asked Gary if he knows how to hook up the speaker and he does. He said you go by the color or the gauge of the wire, hook it up and turn it on. If it works then you crank up the tunes. Howard wants to see him do this when he comes in so he told Gary to buy a stereo and leave it boxed so they can see it done. Jackie said ''Forget the girl, I want to see him hook up the stereo..''
Scott is engaged to be married to his model girlfriend Mary in May. Howard asked if he was invited but when he heard it was in Los Angeles he said he couldn't make it anyway.
Howard asked Scott about a rumor he heard about him and Courtney Love having sex at one time. Scott said he's never had sex with her but he has seen her naked a few times. Scott came back with a question about Angie Everhart. He said he's heard things about her and Howard. Howard denies everything of course.
Howard asked Scott if he's going to be able to stay away from drugs while he's on tour. Scott said he's fine while he's on tour. It's when they're not busy that he gets into trouble. He did say that he'll have a friend from rehab with him on tour though. Howard told the other guys in the band that they should lock Scott up in a guitar case to keep him safe.
Howard asked Scott how bad it was in jail and if he'd been taken by any of the other inmates. Scott said it was pretty tame in there. He was in a county jail in a treatment-like setting so it wasn't that bad. He even showered with Robert Downey Jr. He told Howard that Downey has some big nuts. There wasn't any sex going on with Scott but he said there was a lot of masturbation and Fifi. Howard and Robin wondered what the hell ''Fifi'' was so Scott had to explain it. He said it was a ''jail house vagina'' made up of a towel a sock and a rubber glove. He explained how you roll up the glove and sock in a towel then fill the glove with lotion. You then have Fifi the jail house vagina. Scott said that he soon found out it was too much work and switched back to using his hand.
After talking to the band for a while he had them get ready to play a couple of songs. He also brought in a woman from his gym who asked to come in and see them. The guys in the band were hoping that Howard would do another Gay Dance Party for them but it didn't happen. The guys first performed their song ''Plush'' which sounded great. After the song Howard told Scott that he was looking really good. He's been working out and his stomach was really flat. Howard said he should look like that with the amount of time he spends at the gym. The band was preparing to do their second song when Howard said Scott was trying on some gas mask or something. He said that he must be back on heroin again or something. They then went on to do their song ''Vasoline'' which also sounded amazing. Howard spoke to them a little more after that song and asked them to perform their new song ''Sour Girl'' but they weren't prepared to do it. Scott said part of the song is acoustic and they weren't ready to do it. Howard asked them to do one more song and they eventually settled on ''Interstate Love Song''. They hadn't really prepared for it but they did another great performance. When they were all done Howard played ''Sour Girl'' off of their new CD.
After taking a commercial break Howard came back and talked about how Robin was kissing the band's ass. Robin said if she had the chance she'd do the whole band. She was fawning all over them. The feedback from the fans was really positive also.
Gary came in and said that DJ Julie Slater ended up crying after seeing Scott Weiland out in the hallway. She came in to tell Howard why that happened. Julie said that they were tears of joy. She said she'd met the band a couple of years ago when they did her show one time and when she went up and introduced herself to him today he remembered her. She then went in her studio and had a good cry. Howard asked her if she touched herself while she was crying.. Julie said ''Yeah, I did that towel thing..'' (Fifi) like Scott did in jail.
KC told Howard about this guy who puts out music for people's pets. He told Howard that the guy who created it says it has special notes that people don't hear that will affect animals. Howard listened to it the other day and said that KC was nuts for thinking that it was really going to affect animals like the guy told him it would. Today Robin brought in 2 of her 8 cats to test the music out on them. Robin Radzinski also brought in her pet dog Scooby. They put a speaker in the room with Robin's cats and one of them, Kelly, actually went up to the speaker and starred at it for a second but he quickly ran away. The other cat, Pip, stayed under the couch. Robin Radzinski's dog didn't react to the music at all. He just sniffed around for Robin's cats. Howard said he didn't really care about it anyway.
No Tool for Howard. Gary came in to ask Howard if he wanted to allow this new band, A Perfect Circle, to come on the show to promote their album. The band has a member of the band Tool in it. Howard said absolutely not. Back when he was putting together his ''Private Parts'' soundtrack Tool screwed him over at the last minute and wouldn't allow their song to be used on the album. That pissed Howard off because he had to fill 11 minutes with something. He told Gary to tell the guys ''Eat Me!''.
''Son of the Beach'' has been renewed! Howard's FX Network show ''Son of the Beach'' has been renewed for another 7 episodes. He said everyone on the show was thrilled to hear the news. He said the scripts have yet to be written but the guys are working on them now.
Howard also said that he's been in meetings about his other animated TV show, ''Doomsday''. He didn't give any details but said he's been talking to the people over at UPN about the upcoming cartoon.
Hank the Dwarf called in to talk to Howard for a few minutes this morning. He was already drunk at 6:50am. He ended up talking about ''Son of the Beach'' and how much he enjoys it. Howard suggested that they put Hank in an episode. He had tons of ideas for how to put him in it somehow. Everything from Hank being Notch Johnson's father to being a 3 year old with facial hair. Hank even said that he'd write an episode. Howard told him to get right on that.. He just wants to see what he writes.
Later in the show Howard played a Gary Garver interview with Billy Crystal that was pretty good. He asked Billy a few questions and Billy quickly realized where Garver was from. After asking him the questions Billy walked away and told security about Gary so they would toss him out. That's unlike the last time when John interviewed him and he told John to take the questions back to Howard so he could shove them up his ''F'ing ass'' and play them over and over on the show. This time he kept his mouth shut and went crying to security instead. Here are some of the questions Gary asked:
Howard also had another Stuttering John interview to play. John got Dustin Hoffman and he was actually pretty cool about answering the questions. Here's what John asked:
David Duchovny came in to promote his new movie ''Return To Me'' which opens tomorrow. Howard had been playing bits of this song about David that this chick ''Bree Sharp'' did. David said he's heard it and actually played it in his car at one time. He said he thought that if anyone heard him playing it they'd think he was very egotistical so he had to keep it down.
Howard brought up a story that the London Mirror wrote about David and Minnie Driver having a fling while filming their movie. David said that they went to a movie together but Garry Shandling was with them then and it was just a ''friend'' kind of movie date. He said he's suing the paper over the story. He told Howard that he wouldn't have sex with someone he's working with.. plus he's married to Tea Leoni. Minnie has a boyfriend also. David said the story could have caused problems but his wife knew that he had gone to the movie with Minnie and Gary.
Howard asked David how Minnie kisses. David said that they kiss in the movie but it's not even a french kiss so he would't really know. He told Howard that he makes a guarantee that if a guy takes his woman to this movie, he'll get laid. He told Howard that it's about a guy who loses his wife but her heart is donated to a woman which he later meets without knowing she got her heart. It's not a ''Romantic Comedy'' according to David. He said it's just a funny movie.
Howard and David spent a little more time talking about Garry Shandling and how he and David hang out. They play a game of basketball each week with a couple of other celebrities like Kevin Nealon and comedian Sarah Silverman.
''The X-Files'' came up next. David's contract is up at the end of this season and he may not return next season. He told Howard that he gave Fox his terms to return next year, now it's just up to them. He said that he only gets 2 months off a year and it's not enough to do everything that he wants to. Robin made fun of him for saying that he only gets 2 months off. Howard asked him if it's true that he doesn't get along with his co-star Gillian Anderson. David says that's not true. He likes her but once said that after work he doesn't want to see her. He explained that he doesn't want to see anyone from the show after working on it. Gillian has one more year on her X-Files contract so she has no choice next season.
Howard brought the 2 women in to meet David so they spent a couple of minutes talking to him. Tara brought in David's Princeton year book for him to sign. Both of them told David that they're big fans of his for various reasons. Hillary the witch said that she has an X-Files fan site. She writes ''Fan Fiction'' where she does her own episodes of the X-Files.
Howard brought up the fact that David was JFK Jr's class trip room mate in 9th grade. David went to the same school for a year and when they went on a class trip he was roomed up with JFK Jr. Howard asked him if he ever saw his penis but David was 14 and said that he doesn't remember that far back. The class trip was to the White House and David thinks that it was John's first trip back there after his father was killed.
Big Black called in and said that David is going to do the celebrity version of ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire''. Howard thinks that's just wrong for them to do a celebrity version of the show. David told Howard that he's not a fan of the show at all but he's doing it for the chance at winning money for charity. He said he doesn't like the show because they beat the X-Files in the ratings while they work their asses off working on the show. Kathie Lee Gifford and Rosie O'Donnell are also doing the show.
David is also suing Fox because they sold the old episodes of ''The X-Files'' to the FX network which is the same company. David said that he owns part of the show and because it was sold in-house he lost out on a lot of money.
Howard took a few phone calls from listeners before ending the interview. One guy claimed that he saw David smoking a joint in the limo on the way to the show this morning. David kept his mouth shut and didn't deny it. Howard asked him if he and Tea ever smoke pot together and David just said don't bring Tea into it. He just told Howard to take another call. The final caller asked David ''Who's stink is harder to wash off your fingers, Minnie Driver's or Gillian Anderson's?'' David didn't even bother to answer that ridiculous question.
Sarah - Mom married 5 times. Real dad was abusive and a child molester. Abused both her and her sister. Mom divorced dad but he saw Sarah once a year and molested her. Sister told on father but no one believed her. At 14 she was raped by boyfriend. Was moved to Las Vegas but only lasted 1 year because of gangs in school. Had to move in with father at 15. He continued to fondle her. He'd watch her sleep and shower so she wouldn't shower much. Got pregnant at 16. Had to start stripping to make money at 17. Now her ex-husband has custody of child and she wants custody. She now enjoys sex too much and has to have it or she gets upset.
Howard had her take off her top to show off her new cans. He said ''Wow!'' a few times and said she looked great. Dr. Calabro called in and said that all she needed was the implants. The rest of her was just fine. He also said that you can see before and after pictures of her at SalCalabro.com. Before Sarah left she asked Howard if he wanted to squeeze her breasts. Howard said he's single now so it's no problem. She came over and Howard gave her a few squeezes. She said she was honored to have him feel them up.
Howard told Robin that he was going to go see the new Matthew McConaughey movie after the show today. He thought that Robin was informed about it and that she'd be going but it turns out that Gary failed to tell anyone this morning. Gary said that he had Howard's assistant on the job but no one had been informed yet. Howard then had to yell at Gary for not following up on the work that he had delegated to someone else. Gary tried to tell Howard that it was Laura's fault for not telling everyone about the movie but Howard puts the full blame on him. He told Gary that he's the one who's supposed to make sure the job gets done but he didn't. Gary finally took the blame and printed up the info on the movie and passed it out to everyone that was supposed to be invited.
Howard took a call from this guy Robert who has been fasting for over 150 days to protest the use of genetically engineered hormones in cows. He told Howard that he's been staying alive by drinking juices and has lost about 80 pounds since he started. He kept telling Howard how bad milk products are for people over and over again. Howard told him he got the point and he was right but the guy just kept repeating himself. Howard doesn't know why this guy is doing this either because no one really cares. He didn't keep the guy on too long because he didn't have all that much to say.
Big Black called in to play some tape of Entertainment Tonight playing Paul McCartney's new song about his dead wife. The song was pretty bad. Howard didn't spend much time talking about it though. He told Robin that he spent some time with Rick Rubin last night talking about women. Neither one of them understands women but they tried to figure them out. That led to Big Black asking Robin how her boyfriend Mr. X seduced her. Robin said she didn't really remember but Gary did. He came in and reminded her. She then filled in the spaces and let everyone know just how he did it. She said that they had been buddies for a while after being a couple for a while in the past. One day she was at his apartment and they were enjoying the view from his rooftop. He put his arms around her and started swaying back and forth. Robin said that she thought he was just going to tease her so she told him to stop. She went in the house and asked to hear music in his new Bose speakers. He turned on some music and turned down the lights. He then lit up some candles and Robin told him again that he'd better stop. He eventually got her worked up to the point of no return so she told him that he'd better finish what he'd started. He had to go to a meeting so he left Robin alone for an hour. She showered and when he got back they finished each other off. Robin says that Mr. X swears that he actually had another date that day. He told her that he went over and ate real quick and came back home. Big Black was wondering what Mr. X has that he doesn't. Robin told Big Black that the list was so long that she didn't know where to begin. Gary brought up just a couple like he's got a job a personality and A LIFE! Big Black told Howard that he's bankrupt now and has very little money. He's worked on the HBO series ''Oz'' a few times but that's not making him much money.
Howard had her husband Mike come in real quick also. The two of them met when they were around 19 and they've been together ever since. Howard doesn't understand why they think they'll never want to be with another partner sexually.
| Question | Caller Says | Mike's Answer | Correct? |
| Spell ILLINOIS | Y | II.. ILLIONS | N |
| What vitamin does an orange give you? | Y | Vitamin C | Y |
| What planet is furthest from the sun? | N | Pluto | Y |
| What's the IRS stand for? | Y | Internal Revenue Service | Y |
| What is 150 divided by 6? | Y | Twenty five | Y |
He got three so he won the tickets. After those questions Howard and the gang continued to bet on the rest of the questions. Here they are:
| Question | Mike's Answer | Correct? |
| Who wrote Tom Sawyer? | Mark Twain/Samuel Clemmons | Y |
| What does NAACP stand for? | National association for the advancement of people | Close enough |
| What did Jonas Saulk invent? | Joan a Salk? | N |
| What state is the Grand Canyon in? | Arizona | Y |
| How many U.S. Senators are elected from each state? | Two | Y |
| What does the DC in Washington DC stand for? | District of Columbia | Y |
| What country gave the Statue of Liberty to the U.S.? | France | Y |
| How many items in a gross? | A gross?... I have no idea.. a dozen | N |