MarksFriggin.com started logging the show in 1996 so there weren't any show rundowns from any years before that... until Howard got control of the K-Rock tapes in 2006 after moving to SIRIUS Satellite Radio. They started playing some of the older shows on Master Tape Theatre so I typed up some rundowns for those shows. Below you'll find the 1992 shows that I did manage to write up...
Howard started the show talking about how clear his microphone sounded. He asked Fred to move some carts out of his way so he could see Robin. Fred moved them but Howard wanted them moved more. He said he had never seen them over that far. Robin said Fred must have a new breakfast that he was hiding. Howard said he won't move it more than an inch.
Fred said if he moves it then he has to bend over the other way. Howard thought he overreacted to the request. Fred demonstrated what he'd have to do so Howard told him to just lave it alone. He said it wasn't worth the arguing. Howard said he sees that Fred just wants immediate access so he's going to leave him alone. He said he has his own system so he's going to leave it alone.
Howard said he heard that there was no birthday show today. He said he figured they were going to be doing it today but nothing happened. He said he showered and shaved for it last night. Robin said she told him there was no party. She said that he'd be exhausted today anyway. They have a TV show to shoot so he should be happy. Howard said the radio show comes first and he doesn't care about the TV show anymore.
Robin said she didn't think it was a good day for it. Howard said if it's after his birthday then it's no good. Robin said she'll cancel it then. Howard said he was on his way in this morning and he was arguing about the TV show stuff. He said Dan Forman told him there was a birthday show this morning so now he thinks that he was just throwing him off with that.
Howard said he would rather have a birthday show on a Friday. He doesn't want it on Monday. Robin said she never said it was going to be on Monday either.
Jackie told Howard that what was going on was ridiculous. He said they lied to him about Howard not liking the ending. He said he had a bunch of endings for the bit but they lied to him about what Howard said. Howard said he knows they did that.
Howard said Mark Berglass came up with a good ending for the bit so he told him to run it by Jackie. They got back to him and said that Jackie had to eat dinner. Jackie said that's not what happened. Jackie said he had a bunch of other endings and they didn't pitch them to Howard. Howard said he heard about some of the endings. Jackie said he had one with the dean of a college. Howard said he didn't hear anything about that.
Jackie explained what had gone on with him and Mark. He said he was fine with the ending that Mark told him. Jackie said he was on the phone with him for 25 minutes and didn't run off to dinner. Howard said he has to take that up with Mark.
Jackie said they're calling him and lying to him. Howard said he can't do anything about that. He has to take that up with Mark. Howard told Jackie not to get so upset about this stuff. Jackie said he was only acting like he cared anyway.
Howard said he is crazed and it's become the battle of WWOR and Howard Stern. He said he has had it with them over there. Howard said he doesn't want to talk about the TV show anymore. He said they're idiots over there too.
Howard said he figured he'd be having birthday messages by now. Robin said she plans the birthday show for a specific day and now Howard is giving her a hard time. Howard said she gets nuts about this birthday show thing.
Howard said the WWOR thing was too complicated so he's going to keep his mouth shut and talk to Robin about it in private. He said he'll tell her the game plan off the air. Howard said he always talks too much on the air about this stuff.
Howard said Dan Forman was supposed to be in one of the sketches but now he's refusing to do it. Howard said they spent 3 hours writing it and now Dan won't do it. Howard said he didn't have an alternate ending for it so he has to do it.
Howard said he was watching TV and he saw Cher doing an infomercial. Howard said they had this old fat lady talking about make up in the commercial. Howard said he can't imagine what they had to pay Cher to do this. Howard said he's amazed when someone like that is doing an infomercial. Robin said that Michael Landon did the infomercial too. They mentioned some other people who did things like that as well.
Howard said his agent would never let him do an infomercial. He said he has turned down weird stuff like that before. Howard said even he turns stuff down even though he needs the bread. Howard said the Cher thing is really low budget too. Howard said he would like someone to get to the bottom of that and find out why she did it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Cher does that because her hair would be nowhere if that woman hadn't helped her out. Howard said that the old woman did have nice hair. He wondered how Cher's hair was saved. He thought she wore wigs. The caller said her hair was falling out and the woman helped her out.
Howard let the caller go after said she everyone she works with listens to Imus. Howard said he wishes people would stop bringing up his name. Howard said the guy is a rotten ass anus and he wishes cancer on him. He wants him to die riddled with cancer. He said he'll send him a card on his way to his grave. He said he's sick of these guys ripping him off. Howard told them to think of something original on their own.
Howard asked the caller about her home life and found out she has a job and her husband will be taking care of the kids. Howard said it sounds like some life they have going on. Her husband works and takes care of the kids during the day. She said they're trying to buy a house so they have to have the two incomes. Howard said that people don't think straight anymore. Robin said it sounds like they're miserable. Howard didn't think the kid could be getting enough attention if they're both working. He said the wife should be fulfilling her man's meat and not herself.
Howard asked what kind of work she does. She said she's a secretary. Howard said she could do that at home. She said she doesn't want to do that. She wants to work but it is hard. She said she has to do it for a little while at least.
Howard let the caller go and said that he could probably figure out what was going on. He said that the woman probably likes to go out and eat on the weekends and they have to have the two jobs to support that. Howard and the guys did some math and figured out what she'd be spending on eating out. Howard said they could be using that money to put down on a house instead. Howard said that woman probably doesn't make that much in a year either. He said that she's probably working just to pay for those meals out. They went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who was trying to ask a question but he wasn't getting it out. He said that he was coming up with a scenario making it sound like it wasn't about him. The guy said that if this woman tells you that you're protected and then she calls a month later and says they have a problem... what does Howard think about that. Howard asked what it could possibly be. He said that you have to assume that she's not trying to trap you. Robin said Howard doesn't know women very well then. She said there are women like that out there.
Howard said he's heard that some people in the black community use Coca Cola as birth control to kill the sperm inside.
The caller was wondering if he should wear a rubber or not. Howard said he always would. He said his penis would get cold so that was one reason to put one on. He said most people don't have that problem. Howard got sidetracked when he mentioned that Deney Terrio was going to be coming in. Howard also pointed out that the caller had his radio too loud. He told him to turn it down. The caller didn't know it was that loud.
Howard spent some more time talking to the caller about what he does for a living and things like that. The guy was in business school. He was a corrections officer too.
Howard got back to the rubber thing and said he wore them to keep from getting anyone pregnant. He said he used it to keep him warm and there was a third reason that he forgot. Howard said maybe it's to keep from getting AIDS and things like that. Howard said you can also keep it to have a souvenir to hang on the wall after you've banged a girl.
Howard wondered if he had answered his questions. The caller said he didn't. Howard told the guy he has to accept responsibility for that kid. He said that life is very simple and he has to accept responsibility for things like that. He said if it's his baby then it's his baby to take care of.
Howard said John got a bunch of people too. John came in so Howard talked to him about how some day he'll be able to show his kids these articles and tell them about how he was once famous.
Howard read some details about who John had interviewed at the party and didn't recognize some of the names. Howard asked Fred if he knew who they were and Fred didn't know either. That led to Howard and the guys goofing on Jackie. John told Howard that Jackie has pot books in his apartment in the city. Jackie said he does and he has books about how hemp can save the world and things like that.
Howard said he never understood why marijuana was illegal. He said it's not wrong to smoke something that comes out of the ground. He and John talked about that for a minute.
Howard said that John wasn't stuttering much this morning. John had gotten plenty of sleep in preparation for the TV show shoot.
Howard had some audio of John's interviews to play. He ended up talking about Bob Pitman being there and how he was the guy in charge of MTV. He talked about how he got his job and things like that. Gary also came in and told Howard who Jim Brady was. Howard didn't seem interested in him. Howard read about the people who were at the party like the Forbes kids, Mort Zuckerman, Sarah Giles, Peter Calico and a bunch of others. Howard ended up talking about some of the people he had just mentioned and what they're known for.
Jackie told Howard about some of the other weird shows that are on there too. They were talking about a naked guy laying on his back playing with himself in one public access commercial. Jackie told Howard about some other guys who were squatting down instead of sitting on an interview show. Gary said there are some gross people on those shows too.
Howard said Jackie told him that his wife woke him up giving him oral. Jackie said he was dreaming there was a tug of war and that's what he woke up to.
Howard said he had a weird dream where they were all dressed as women and they were fooling some other guys into thinking they were girls so they could go to their apartment. Howard said he woke up when they got to the apartment. Howard said he's no homosexual but that was the dream he had.
Howard said the guys were getting really physical in the dream too. He said it really bothered him when he woke up. It wasn't bothering him in the dream. Howard said the fact that the guys bought that they were girls was going too far. He said he resents being in a dream with Jackie and Fred too. He said he had to get up and go cool off after that dream.
Robin said she thinks that Howard is afraid of his feminine side. Howard said he'll go with that. He said he's definitely afraid of his feminine side. Howard said he actually is a very soft guy and he's comfortable with that.
Howard said he thought it was Ass-a. John said some people call her that when they don't know. Howard spent a minute goofing around with that. Howard read the rest of the note too and said he had a hard time reading the note. It was the last name he wasn't able to read.
John said he had some presents to bring in and his mom wouldn't let him leave the house without them. Howard said he didn't think they should be sending presents. He said he's the boss there and she didn't have to do that. John said she likes to give gifts.
Gary told Howard about how John brings girls home to his parent's house when he wants to have sex. John said that his mom doesn't care if he's been seeing the girl for a long time. He said he has brought other girls back but he gets them out of the house before his parents know about it.
John was stuttering up a storm telling that story. Howard said he can imagine John trying to get the girl out of the house but his stutter takes too long and his mom shows up.
John said the house is pretty big and they have a lot of rooms. Robin said the house is pretty small. She said it's not a mansion like John is making it out to be. John said they have a whole other level now and it's like 4 levels. He said that they have like 10 rooms in the house. Howard said closets don't count. Howard said he thinks his parents don't know what he's doing but they probably do.
Howard kicked John out so he could get to his guest Deney Terrio. They went to a break a short time later.
Howard said he always thought Deney was gay when he was on his TV show. Deney said he wasn't gay and he was just doing street dancing. Howard asked if John Travolta ever came on to him. Deney paused and said that he hadn't. Howard said he has read some stuff about John in the tabloids too so he's not sure. Deney said he doesn't read that stuff. Howard said he should read it because they've done some big stories about him.
Howard asked Deney if he has any information. Deney said he really doesn't. Howard said he is suing Merv for sexual harassment though. Howard said Deney thinks he lost out on some jobs because of Merv.
Deney said that he wants to confront another person too. He said he wanted to confront this chickenshit guy so Howard had to ask him not to use the S word.
Deney went off on this guy Bill McGowan who interviewed him. He said they had some people on the show who lied about what went on and that upset him. He said they were lied to about who was going to be in the interview and they lied about him.
Howard stopped Deney and said they have a lot of controversy to get to there. He said he wanted to back up a little bit and talk about what went on. Howard started in with the story about how he got his show ''Dance Fever'' which was a Merv Griffin production. Deney told Howard how he had sent in a press package to get the job.
Howard kept stopping Deney so they could get all of the details about how this all went down. Deney said he got a call from one of Merv's people and they wanted him to do the show. He didn't even have to audition. Deney said he went in to rehearsal and Merv was there. Deney said Merv was like a father figure to him at first. He said he thought he was a great guy. The firs show he did was Merv's show and he was just on the show to dance.
Deney said he did a show with Nancy and Ronald Reagan and Fred Astaire. Howard was goofing around saying Merv was like a father figure but the kind of father figure you'd have in West Virginia. Howard had some fun goofing around about that.
Howard asked Deney what happened on that first show. Deney said that Merv didn't show any interest in him at first. He said he never saw Merv anywhere but on the set so there was nothing strange going on. Deney said Merv told him he wanted him to come over to have some couch time on the show. Howard asked Deney if Merv was doing anything like adjusting his bra or anything. Deney said he didn't see anything like that going on.
Howard asked if Merv has soft lips. Deney didn't answer so Howard took that as a yes. Howard asked how Merv approached him and came on to him. Deney said that this was before Dance Fever came about. He said they were talking about it at the time.
Deney told Howard about having a national dance contest and Merv liked the idea of doing that. They came up with the pilot show based on that. Deney said Merv invited him up to his hotel room to discuss the pilot. He said they weren't alone up there. He said some other people were in the room and they went through the meeting. Deney said he was just there to talk about the show. Then the other people left and Merv asked him to stick around. Deney said he had never been hit on before either so he didn't expect this.
Deney thought he was just with an entertainer who he respected a lot. Deney said Merv told him he was going to get into something more comfortable after that. Deney said they were out in Vegas and he was just sitting on the couch looking out the window. Then Merv started to rub his shoulders. He came out wearing blue bikini underwear and it was hard to see the underwear from the fat hanging over it. Deney said he started to think that something was up. Then Merv got on top of him and started to pull his pants down. Merv said he tried to get away and told him he wasn't ready for that. Merv continued to kiss him on the face. Deney said he was grabbing him and scratched him on the neck. Jackie said he would go out the door without opening it if he turned around and saw that behind him.
Howard picked up on Richard and Richard said he has a couple of problems. Richard said he had called the day before and Gary told him to call back later. He said he used to be able to call in whenever he wanted. Howard said he is busy doing a show there. He said Gary just asked him to call back later. Richard said it didn't have that kind of tone to it and it was very upsetting.
Howard told Richard that he had a man in there who had Merv Griffin attacking him while he was in his underwear. Richard changed the subject and asked if everyone got their Christmas presents.
Howard asked Richard if he knew Deney. Richard said he was actually on Dance Fever. Deney said Richard was wonderful on the show. Gary said he heard that Deney threw him out of Dance Fever. Richard told Gary he was on thin ice this morning. Gary said that's what he was told.
Howard asked if he was kicked off or not. Deney said Richard is great. He said he didn't kick him off. Howard asked Richard what he would do if Merv came on to him. Richard said he didn't want to get into that story. He said he would just put on one of his videos.
Howard said he thinks that Merv would jump on Richard. Richard said he just wants to get to what he wanted to talk about. Richard said he wants to see Prince of Tides with him. Howard said he went to see it already. Richard got upset with him when he heard that because he wanted to see it with him. Howard said he's not going to the movies with another guy... alone. Howard asked why he wants him alone in a theater with him. Howard started to rip the movie apart talking about how bad it was with Nick Nolte mumbling through it and Barbra Streissand being awful. Richard kept saying ''Oh my god'' over and over.
Richard said he promised him he would take him to see the movie. Howard said he will go with him but he saw it already and it's not a good movie. Howard said Richard is making this a test of his friendship. Howard said he will do it if that's what it is. Howard said he really doesn't want to see the movie. He said he'll bring a newspaper and read that during the movie using a flashlight.
Howard kept telling Richard he would go to the movie with him if it meant their friendship. Richard said he promised he'd go so he wants to go with him. He told Howard to check the paper to see when the movie is playing. Howard told him to get off his back. Richard said he thought they were close but this shows they must not be. Howard said he can't take this anymore.
Howard goofed on Richard's voice and pissed him off some more. He said he'll go to the movie but he won't go to a bath house. Richard told him to take that back. Richard said he didn't ask him to do anything except to see the movie.
Howard told Richard he's going and that he loves him. Then Richard started to break down crying. Richard said he doesn't believe he loves him. He said he treats him so bad sometimes. Howard asked if he was nuts. He asked if he was on the rag. Richard said they get so close and then Howard treats him so bad. Howard said he's acting like a woman. Howard said he's acting like he cooked one of his dalmations.
Howard said he's going to the movie but he's acting like a big baby. He told him to stop faking crying. Richard asked what time they're going. Howard said they're going at 1 o'clock. Howard asked Richard if he heard about Bush puking. Fred played some puking sounds and then some crying sounds for Richard.
Howard pretended that they were at the movie watching it together. He had Fred playing some audio clips of a movie playing. Robin said maybe they should go see something different and more manly. Richard said he thought that was manly enough.
Howard suggested some porn movies but Richard told him to stop kidding around. Howard said he'll see him on the 23rd and they'll go see the movie. Howard was doing his impression of Richard again and making fun of his effeminate voice. Howard said he told him that he'll see him then. Richard eventually hung up on Howard because he was goofing on him too much.
Howard said he doesn't want to go see a movie with Richard. He said he might end up in court next to Deney if he goes to the movie with Richard. Howard apologized to Deney and said he had to take a break anyway. He said they were about to get to the good stuff in Deney's story.
Howard said Merv must have man handled him. He asked if he pulled his underpants down. Deney said he did. Howard said Merv must have been enjoying being around him.
Howard asked Deney if he was aroused. Deney said he was not. He said he got up from the couch and told Merv he wasn't ready for this and tried to get him to back off. He said that was his way of trying to get out of the room without an incident. Howard asked if he got near his private parts. Deney said he did get near his private parts.
Howard read that this happened 59 more times. Deney said it was on the job harassment that was mentioned in the court case. Robin wondered why he went back after that. Howard said he just wanted to keep his job and didn't want the harassment. Deney said that he refused to do that so the show became Dance Fever instead of ''Deney Terrio's Dance Fever.''
Deney told Howard that he was a good worker and he never missed work except after he was in a car accident. He said he was in the hospital for a while. He said that he continued to work after that and he helped to promote the show after the accident.
Howard asked Deney about Merv watching him change. Deney said he would do that during the costume changes. He said he would get rubbed on the back and kiss him on the cheek while he was in the changing room. Deney told Howard about some other things that happened with Merv and how that's all going to be in the case.
Howard said Deney is suing for $11 million. Deney said this is all very painful for him to talk about. He said no one wants that forced upon them. He said that he made him millions of dollars too. He said Merv is very powerful and he has a lot of lawyers.
Howard asked about the guy who replaced Deney. That was Adrian Zmed. Deney said that show didn't work out. Howard and Deney talked about some report that ran on A Current Affair about the whole thing too. Howard thanked Deney for coming in and said he has to talk to him about some other stuff off the air. Howard and Robin told him that if this is true then he should sue the pants off of Merv.
Deney told Howard he is coming on his show first. He said he took a lie detector test and passed it so he'd like Merv to come out and do the same thing. He said he wants him to come out of the closet and admit that this stuff went on.
Robin said she had no idea this stuff was going on all those years she watched Merv. Howard wondered what he would have done if Merv had come on to him like that. Howard wrapped up with Deney and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he knew that he'd work on TV and that's what he's been saying for years. Howard said this guy thinks that the show works very well and it was a good roast. The guy gave details about what went on during the roast show so Howard went through some of that.
Howard wasn't sure if he should read the article since it gave away some of the show. Robin told him not to read it all. Howard stopped after reading a few details about Richard Simmons showing up dressed in a suit.
Howard read a few other things about the show but kept the details limited. Howard said the reviewer seemed to like it. He said he loves it when they get good reviews. They don't send out the show that often for previewing though.
Howard said they're up against SNL with some guy that no one likes and against a show that no one likes anymore. Howard said they should do good in the ratings. He said he's bringing them all of this success there at WWOR and they still treat him like crap. He said someone has to be taught a lesson over there.
Robin read a story about Paul Simon meeting with protesters of his concert. Howard got out the Paul Simon record and played one of the songs off of that. He said it's like wild African drumming. He played another song Howard went on to talk about what a nut Paul Simon is. He gave his thoughts on what he was up to and why people are protesting him. Howard said Paul went over to end the boycott like he's someone that people are going to listen to. He said Whoopi Goldberg was over there too.
Robin read some news about the President going over to Japan to talk about this trade agreement that they he'd made with Japan. Robin said he got them to take more U.S. cars. Howard said that's not going to create any jobs or balance the trade. Robin also read about how we're supposed to be recovering from a recession.
Robin read a story about Robert Maxwell and an autopsy that was done that found he was beaten on the head before he died.
Robin read about David Dinkins playing tennis and said that she should just give it up. She said it's making him look bad. Howard said the guy is a horrible mayor. He said everyone has to admit that. They spent a short time talking about just how much he is playing tennis.
Robin read a story about Joe Pepitone getting into some trouble while he was at a hotel. Someone told him he was a washed up guy, while he was drunk, and Joe snapped and got into a brawl with the guy and his friends. Robin said it took 5 state troopers to break up the fight.
Robin read about how Flavor Flav was arrested the other day for driving around with unauthorized equipment on his car. He had flashing lights on his license plate. Howard said he didn't know that was illegal. Robin said he was also driving without a license.
Robin read a story about a woman who admitted her guilt to killing a boy. She hit him so hard his head hit the wall and it ended up killing him. Robin had some details about that story and what the woman had to say when she finally admitted she had done it. Fred and Howard talked about what they would do to that woman for doing what she did. They came up with some pretty severe punishments.
Robin read a story about how the rhino is endangered. Howard said they should take the horns from those things and stick them under the fingernails of that woman who killed her kid. Howard said he could also rub the scent of a female rhino on her and then let him violate her. Then he said he'd stick the woman in the room with Deney Terrio and have him tell her that story he told earlier. They had to go to break after that.
Howard said someone sent him a memo from Long Island University and one of the job listings they had was a paid internship working with Jackie. Jackie said they need people to help out with the business. Howard asked what the job description is. Jackie didn't know. He said they'd have to call his wife about that.
Robin and Howard asked Jackie what the job was but Jackie didn't have an answer. Howard asked if they're just pasting fliers to people's heads. Jackie said they have stuff to do at the house. He said thy haven't gotten anyone yet but they have tried a couple of places. Jackie said they're paying more than K-Rock ever did. He said he doesn't have numbers though.
Jackie said Howard has someone who works for him too. Howard said he hired someone to work part time. Jackie said that he'd like to find someone to log tapes and things like that too. Howard and Robin picked Jackie apart about that and wondered why they're looking for an intern. Howard said they have to pay someone a few bucks an hour. He thinks Jackie is looking for someone really cheap.
Gary came in and said that he's got a bunch of people calling in asking about Jackie's job. Howard told Gary to take messages and let Jackie handle them.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he saw that there was a fight between Robert Conrad and Tony Danza. He said Tony really beat Robert up. Howard asked where he saw that. It was on some cable channel. The guy said that the fight was a celebrity fight and it doesn't look like Conrad could stand up to Geraldo if they wanted to get him to fight.
Robin read another news story and had some stuff about Elizabeth Taylor getting married again. Robin read about Nichele Nichols getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. She had some audio of her talking about that.
Robin read about Ann Wilson from the band Heart who was having some trouble with a fan who was stalking her. Robin had some audio of Wilson talking about what had gone on with the guy. He had moved into her house and started throwing stuff in the garbage.
Robin read that Warren Beatty and Annette Benning are parents. Robin sarcastically said that kid will never make headlines. Howard said that kid will end up like Marlon Brando's son.
Howard said he was ready to end the show. He had a Led Zeppelin song to play. He wondered if that's all they play there. He ended up singing along to the song a little bit as he was ending the show. He didn't remember the lyrics but he sang along anyway. He played some of their other songs too and sang along to those.
Howard told Robin about some pictures he saw of Soupy Sales' kids and how odd they look. He said that they look just like Soupy but they talk like they're derelicts. Howard said they're playing with David Bowie. He said the son is a goofball and no one knows who he is. Howard said the guy plays the drums and takes his shirt off when he does. Howard said it's very odd. He said that the kid has his name, Hunt, written on his knuckle too. Howard spent a little while talking about Soupy's son. He talked about the tattoos the kid has on him and how bad they look.
Howard got back to playing some Zeppelin songs to end the show. He sang along again for a minute before actually ending the show.
Howard started off the show saying that things were getting crowded in the studio already. They were preparing for a Super Bowl party. Howard said they had some towels for everyone but they were the size of Handi-wipes. He was also complaining that Jackie was smelling like garlic these days and he didn't think he was eating that stuff. Jackie said he had a ton of it the night before. He thought it was odd that Howard could even smell it. Howard said it must have been coming from his breath and pores.
Howard said something was disturbing him by the setup in the studio. He had to figure out how he could conduct the radio show while he's getting his massage during the party. He said Scott is rewiring the whole studio just so they can have this party today. Gary thought about canceling the party but he kept thinking about seeing this stewardess topless.
Howard had his sweatpants on today for the party. Everyone else was in something similar. He wondered what Jackie was wearing because they looked like cardboard pants or something. Jackie said they're the same as sweatpants and showed them to Howard. Howard told him to sit down. Robin could see that he wasn't wearing any underwear, she could see the crack of his ass when he stood up.
Howard thought about not wearing underwear today because once they get full of oil, it'll make a mess. He brought extra clothes today because he had to shoot the TV show later on. Robin said there were people who were upset that they weren't having the usual kind of Super Bowl party where they do it off the air. Howard didn't think it was that much different than having it off the air.
Howard described one of the calls that Janks made and how he set up this thing where they had a show calling Kevin from the newsletter to make it seem like the two of them hadn't spoken to each other in a long time.
Howard said that he was already aroused from wearing his sweat pants. The caller told Howard the screeners at Larry King tried to catch him by asking him to spell the name of the city he was from but he was able to get through anyway. He played the call for Howard and he asked Larry what Fidel Castro thinks of Howard Stern. Larry says he didn't hear the call and hung up on him.
Captain Janks was on the line and told the guy that this is not a race and he's not in a competition to beat anyone else. They're all going for the same cause here. They're all promoting Howard Stern and they should join forces. Janks said he's not mad at this guy and he thinks they should all team up for making the calls.
Howard said it's like this guy is starting the West Coast Wack Pack. He told the two of them that they can swap their phone numbers and create a team of prank callers. Janks told Howard about another call he made recently and went into an explanation that made Howard dizzy. He let the two of them go a short time later.
Howard said he and the guys spent a couple of hours drawing pictures of Gary after the show yesterday. He said that once you start, you can't stop and the teeth get bigger and bigger the more you draw. He said they had good intentions to write some bits and stuff but they end up drawing Gary and Dan Forman pictures. Jackie said they did write some stuff but then they got to drawing Gary.
Howard said they all draw these pictures and hang them on a wall if they're good enough. Gary said they're always too busy for anything else if he goes back there but they don't have a problem taking time to draw pictures of him. Howard said the pictures aren't funny until Gary actually looks at them. He said they make him read them before they'll let him bring anything up. He said Gary will try to laugh at the pictures but it's a fake laugh.
Robin said she's going to have to go back to the office to see these pictures. Howard said that Fred started the whole thing back when they started drawing pictures of Dan Forman. Jackie saved all of those pictures. Jackie said you never know when you'll need them so he held onto them. Jackie said they now have a gallery of Fred's art. Howard said it's all inside jokes too so no one would get it if they saw them.
Howard said he was trying to come up with a caption for his picture the other day and Gary came in and asked him a question so that ended up being the caption. Howard said that's how they spend there days back in the office. He said they also got a Spider-Man that they hung on the window to make it look like he was crawling up it. He said they really have to go back there to have fun and unwind.
Howard said he used to get money from his father and he'd only send him $75 for rent and $100 for expenses throughout the month. As he was talking about that he remembered that he didn't get any money to give as tips this morning. He asked Gary to go get some cash for him and he'd pay him back. Fred said he might be able to run down and get some cash for him too. He could only get about $300. Robin offered up another $100 and Jackie said he had hundreds and hundreds of dollars on him. Howard said he wouldn't have to ask Gary to get it if he had just told him he had some money.
Jackie went through his wallet looking for money and found he had about $500 in there. Howard said they might have to break his hundreds to pay the girls. Howard wondered what to pay the girls and $150 to $200 was mentioned. Gary thought that was way too much but Howard thought they should be generous with the girls. He didn't have any money on him though so he had to come up with something.
Gary told Howard he over tips. Howard asked Jackie what he thought about the tipping. Jackie didn't know but threw out $100 a piece for each of the girls. Howard said he wanted to kick in a little more than that. Gary said he only had $9 on him so they might have to front him the money too. Howard asked him if he has access to a cash machine. Gary said ''I guess I do'' so Howard goofed on him about the way he answered that question. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he thinks the Bills are going to win the game. Gary said some of the guys from the Redskins might be calling in later on.
Howard said they have to come up with a rotation for going through the women they have coming in. Jackie had an idea for how to do it but Howard thought that he wasn't making any sense. Gary came in again and said that little Lisa was going to be a little late this morning. Howard sounded upset by that and said she always screws things up like that.
Howard said Tom Chiusano called him last night and told him not to be too graphic on the air during this party today. He said Tom is always covering his ass like that. He said he also had the opportunity to buy Infinity stock so Tom was asking him about that. He asked Robin if she's going to buy some herself. She said she was thinking about it but she wasn't sure. Howard said that Infinity is going public. The last time they did that they bought the stock at like $12 a share and they bought it back at $39. He said they never thought the company would do that well on the stock market.
Howard said that Jackie bought a bunch of stock and ended up selling it off at a loss during a stockmarket crash. He ended up losing a lot of money during that whole thing. Howard said Jackie really had a hang dog look when he saw that the rest of them had sold off their stock at $39. Jackie said he had about $10,000 worth of that stock back then and he still made like $8,000.
Howard asked Gary how much stock he's buying. Gary said he's going to buy a little bit but Mike Gange is going to buy some and put it on his Discover card. He said he only makes like $65 a week so it would take him forever to pay that off. Gange said he has a large limit on the card so he was going to write a check on that account and pay for the stock like that. Howard asked him more about the whole deal and found out that the checks are not considered cash, it's like a regular charge. Howard said it's just like cash because you still have to pay it off.
Howard said that there are a lot of guys in radio who are doing better than they are. He said he and Robin make enough to pay taxes, mortgage and things like that but that's about it. Howard said they may have to put everything on the line and buy as much of this stock as possible. They spent a minute on that before Howard asked where the girls were. Gary said it was all up to Howard.
Howard said the room was completely pitch black and they were all stripping down. Gary was wearing underpants so Howard told him he had to strip down to nothing. He went around the room trying to get the microphones set up for everyone. He said it kind of smelled bad in there so he wondered who didn't bathe last night. He figured it was Scott the Engineer who smelled like smoke.
Howard said they should work like this every day there in the studio. He said it was kind of a dusk-like atmosphere in there. He said the girls should be really turned on when they see him in his towel. He told Fred he was making him look bad and asked him to remove his underwear. Fred said he was going to do that but not right away.
Howard said he wants this Banana Paste girl first. Gary wanted another one of the girls but Howard told him that the other guys might have to choose before him. Robin said Fred should pick next. Fred said he'd take the stewardess since he knew that Gary wanted her. Howard asked Jackie who he wanted, the mother or the daughter. Jackie took the mother since she probably knows how to do it better than the daughter.
Gary brought in the girls so Howard said hello to some of them. He said the mother in the mother/daughter team looked like she could be the daughter. He spoke to the Banana Paste girl and then talked to the mother and daughter and the mother was going to keep her clothes on. Howard thought Gary had set up this party and had everything set up. She was going to keep her dress on and Howard didn't think that was going to work. The Stewardess was going to be topless.
Gary told Howard that someone had shown up unannounced so they could swap out the mother. That person was Zorina so Howard asked Jackie if he wanted her instead. He quickly accepted the offer so Howard told Gary to get rid of the mother since she didn't seem to be all that into it. Zorina came in a short time later and Howard seemed to be happy to see her. She showed the guys her huge boobs and shocked everyone with them. Howard asked her how big she was. She said she's at a 64-F. Howard said Jackie likes them big so she's perfect for him.
Howard was on his back having the Banana Paste girl rub him down. He said it was pretty erotic and he was getting pretty excited over it. She said she has never done that before but she was enjoying it. Howard said it felt kind of sticky and it didn't smell like bananas. Robin told Howard what the other guys were up to with their girls. Howard was on his back while the other guys were on their stomachs. Howard said this girl was eating cherries off of his belly. She said the cherries were good. Howard said he's never had anything like that done to him before. Robin wasn't surprised.
Howard was the only one talking while the other guys were staying quiet while getting their massages. Gary said his girl was giving a great massage. Howard said he loved having the cherry eating off his stomach. He said it felt really good. She even went down to his thigh and ate one off of there. Robin thought that was kind of wrong but he didn't have a problem with it at all. She was only eating a cherry. Howard asked her if she eats cherries off of her boyfriend. She said she does do that for him too.
Howard wasn't getting much of a rubdown but he didn't really care. He was happy he just had some contact. Howard joked that Gary had just broken up with his girlfriend because of this. Gary said that wasn't true and he loves his girlfriend. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in at that point so Howard asked him what he was doing there. Ronnie said he wanted to get a rubdown but Howard told him he'd get one later.
Howard blamed Stuttering John for the fact that they didn't have one of their regular Super Bowl parties. Howard was ready to swap women around that point but Gary was enjoying his too much so he said ''No!'' Howard told Gary to stand up to see if he was aroused at all. Howard got another cherry eaten off his stomach so he was going crazy over that.
Howard said that Theresa the Banana Paste girl was inspired to rub him down better when he said he was ready to swap girls. Gary said his girl really knew what to do. He told Howard that they had more girls just walk in as they were talking about that. Howard said he was realizing that he's a man and he has certain needs. He said they should call Jackie's wife to talk to her about what's going on. He stood up to see what Jackie was up to over there.
Howard told Ronnie to lay down so he could get a rub down. Then he said he had to take a commercial break but kept going for a short time. He said he was going to take some phone calls and then told Scott he was going to take a break with some bits and stuff.
Jackie said that Ronnie was torturing John telling him that it was time to get undressed so he could get his massage. Howard asked Theresa if she was done. She thought he was done with the massage and wanted to swap girls. Howard had her continue to rub him down. Howard said he thought the other guys were having all the fun while he was doing all the work. He decided to swap girls at that point. He said that Carmen the stewardess was coming over to him and she took her top off for him.
Jackie had two women according to Robin. It turned out Ronnie had one girl and Jackie had another. Howard said his girl was rubbing down his legs and nothing else. He told Scott to keep his eyes forward and not watch him getting the massage. Howard didn't like that he was doing all of this talking while the guys were having so much fun.
Howard took some phone calls and one of them was Jackie's wife Nancy. She said she was listening and that the whole thing is disgusting. She said she knows that she and Jackie have a pretty good sex life but she's not going to touch him if he's going to do this stuff. While she was going off on them, Robin said that Jackie's girl was crawling up his back. Nancy said that she'd talk to Jackie in about two weeks after she calms down.
Ronnie said they had an accident over there because the cherry juice got spilled. Howard said Carmen was getting very aggressive with her massage. Howard told the guys to let him know when he had to break for commercial. Carmen told Howard that he has a great body so he had her repeat that so everyone could hear it. Howard figured it was time for a break. He said they could call some guys and torture them by bragging about the party. Howard noticed that his girl was wearing a hat in there so he asked her to take that off. He also told Scott to stop looking at him. (The commercial break was edited out)
Howard said he was having the worst time laying there with Scott looking at him. Scott said it was funny looking at him while he was laying there trying to read the commercial copy he had. Robin pointed out Gary's fat belly and goofed on him a little bit.
Howard wanted to switch girls again. He said he's never going to do this again because the other guys are having fun and he's doing all the work. He asked for another girl so Gary sent over Nicole. She told Howard his body was pretty tight. Howard said her body was tight as well and she was only 18 years old. Howard said she gives the best massage. He said he can see why these guys like Joe Piscopo run off with the young girls.
Howard said Scott was really bumming him out by staring at him. He said he was a little thrown off by this girl because she was rubbing his thighs down. Howard went around the room and asked some of the guys what they were doing. He told Fred that this girl Nicole was the best. Howard said that everyone in the room was topless. He asked Nicole if she was having fun. She said she really enjoyed it because his body was so tight. Jackie told him that she had probably rubbed down Grandpa Al last night, that's why she thought he was so tight.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about this guy Bill Clinton who was thinking of running for President. He and Robin talked about how he was accused of cheating on his wife while he was governor. Howard and the guys spent a short time on that. Carmen said Howard needs an older woman who won't talk to the press.
Jackie said that his girl was massaging his feet. She obviously wasn't a listener because she didn't know about his ten nail syndrome which made him lose all of his toenails. She didn't seem to care though. Gary told Howard that Mike Gange told him that he's getting kind of aroused in the back office listening to this stuff.
Howard spent a minute talking to Zorina who was rubbing down Ronnie. He said that this is a real man's party when they have girls rubbing them down like this. Jackie said he's having a lot more fun than he did yesterday while they were drawing pictures of Gary. They went to break a short time later.
Howard asked for Lisa to come over to him. Gary said she was almost upset that she didn't call him over sooner. Howard said that Zorina's hands were really soft but it turns out it wasn't her hands that she was using to rub him down. She was using her whole body. Howard told Robin she should do this kind of stuff to her man.
Gary said that the Israeli girl brought beach oil with her and she uses that on herself and uses it to rub them down. He said her skills were very unique. Howard said he wants to have a party like this every Friday. He asked where the rest of the guys were because they weren't making any noise. Gary said he was there but the other guys weren't saying much of anything.
Howard said it was time to switch girls again so he asked for Lisa to rub him down. Howard let Zorina go and said the girls were all fighting over him. He told Lisa not to wear her pants while she rubs him down. He tried taking a call while that was going on. The guy tried to ask Howard a question but Lisa was distracting him so it was like he wasn't even hearing the guy.
Ronnie bragged that he had two girls over by him. He was going nuts over that. Fred didn't have any girls at all. Howard went back to the phone and asked the guy what was up. The guy said that maybe he should come down and have some fun with them. Howard told him to have his own party. Howard told Scott to take another call. The caller said that Howard sucks and Mark and Brian rule. Howard went to another call after saying that those two are going down. Lisa joked that Howard had something popping up there. Howard told her to calm down with that.
Gary screwed up and spilled some oil on the carpet. Howard told him he was going to screw up everything for everyone if he kept that up. He went to break right after that.
Robin got into some news stories while the guys were still getting rubbed down. She talked about Bill Clinton getting into some hot water after a woman revealed that he had cheated on his wife. Robin continued to do her news but Howard got distracted when his girl was rubbing his rib cage. He said she's obviously done that before. Robin continued to do her news and one of the girls told Howard that Ronnie was losing the hair on his back as she was rubbing him down. It was sticking to her hands.
Howard continued to have Robin go through her news. He said he wanted to have the cherry thing done to him one more time before they were done with this. He eventually got two girls rubbing him down. One of the girls said they were laying on Howard so he said that wasn't true. Robin was ready to walk in there to see exactly what was going on. Robin got into a few more news stories while the girls continued to rub everyone down. Howard eventually said he as getting bored with this because the massages were getting kind of lethargic. That didn't stop him from getting the massage though. He kept the girls there and let them continue to rub him down.
Lisa started spanking Jackie for no apparent reason. Jackie said he didn't know where that came from. Howard then started to get a little spanking done on him as well. He said he had Carmen and Theresa on him at that point. Zorina was back over at Ronnie. Jackie said it was getting kind of cold in there. Howard agreed but didn't do anything about it. He said he had to go to break after that.
Howard said he liked a couple of the girls who rubbed him down. He asked the girls if they liked him and one of the girls was telling him how much she liked his eyes. Jackie said that he had to start rubbing down his massage girl after the other guys started doing it. Howard said that's cheating. Jackie pointed out that Howard was getting rubbed down with hooters and that wasn't cheating but rubbing down one of the girls was? Howard told him to shut up.
Robin read through some more news stories while the guys continued their rubdowns. Howard asked Zorina to give him one more good massage. He thought that he might be getting jaded because he's not sure he wants to do this again next year. He said he's gotten it out of his system now. He thinks that Zorina was the best massage girl out of all of them. Gary liked them all. She told Howard she had to fly in from Phoenix to get there. Jackie said she had to buy 3 tickets... for her and her two giant boobs.
Howard spoke to Zorina about her huge boobs and found out she's been told not to go any bigger than the 64-F she has now. She said she doesn't plan on going any bigger. Howard spent a short time with her and then had Robin get back into her news. He said he was getting kind of bored with the rubdown she was giving him.
Robin brought up one story about Whoopi Goldberg getting her own TV show. Howard wondered who would buy that show and thought it would suck. Then Gary told him that she might be coming in soon so Howard changed his tune and said it might be good. Robin read through a few more stories before Howard asked her if she was done. Robin was done with her news so Howard went to break and said he'd take some calls after that.
Howard asked Lisa if she was still alive back there. She wasn't doing much of anything back there. He had Robin go through a few more news stories. Everyone was getting dressed at that point even though Howard was still getting a rubdown. Gary said he was done because he had to start cleaning up a bit.
Howard said he must not be any fun. Then one of the girls asked if she could sit on his face. Howard told the guys to hit the delay on that comment. He wrapped up with the girls a short time later and got off the floor. Robin said no one wanted to touch anything because they were all oily.
Howard said goodbye to the girls and then took some phone calls. One guy asked how the party was and said that it sounded like it was just alright because it was hard to picture what was going on there. One guy told Howard how hilarious he thinks he is. He brought up one of the bits they did on the Channel 9 show where he had green goop dripping out of his injured head. Howard and Robin talked about how funny that bit ''Head Injury Club for Men'' was. Howard said the green stuff was apple sauce with green coloring in it. He spent a minute talking about that. He said he hardly ever laughs while on camera but that day he couldn't help it.
Howard talked to Ronnie about the girls he had with him. Ronnie said the girls run to him because he knows how to handle them. Howard pointed out that Ronnie is really hairy so you wouldn't think the girls would be into him that much.
Howard got dressed and asked the guys what they thought about the party. They all liked it and Gary said that Howard is his boss and his god after that. Howard said the girls were very loving and very giving. Gary thought the Israeli girl was probably the best at giving a massage. Howard thought that Zorina was kind of comatose which isn't normal for her. Jackie said she may not have gotten any sleep last night because she was working.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had one complaint about the show. He said they did a commercial on Wednesday for a workman's comp commercial and he wonders why he would do that. Howard said that when you listen to the radio, they get paid to do commercials. if he wants the show to be on, they need sponsors and he has to read commercials for some of them. He told the guy that if he doesn't like the commercial, he can ignore it. If he likes something, he can call the number or buy the product.
The caller said that the commercial he did was for stress related compensation and he didn't like it because he's a small business owner. Howard said that he gets paid to read commercials, there's no morality involved with them. He said that he doesn't eat red meat but if they came to him and asked him to read a commercial about eating beef, he's going to tell everyone that it's great. He told the guy to use his brains and get over it. He said he believes in a lot of the stores he advertises.
Howard asked Jackie who his favorite massage girl was. Jackie said it was probably the Israeli girl. Howard said she was giving him some strange looks while she was rubbing him down. He said that Little Lisa was really rough with her massage and it was kind of a disappointment. He got that out of his system though and no longer wants a massage from her.
Jackie said the most disappointing thing was the cherry girl's voice. He was really annoyed by that. They were also talking about how fat Gary has gotten. Gary came in and said that he knows he's out of shape, he's the first one to say it, but he can bounce back. He said that everyone in there goes up and down with their weight so it's not just him. He ended up goofing on Robin about her weight a little bit. He said he's working on getting thin again but he's a chocoholic and it's not that easy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's going to miss the stories that they used to tell when they had Super Bowl parties off the air. Howard said he just can't do those anymore. The guy said he always looked forward to the Monday after the Super Bowl but now he won't be. The caller said that they should have a party on Sunday anyway. He said they must be more uninhibited when they're alone. Howard said that's the problem with those parties.
Howard let that guy go and called his buddy Wayne Siegel. He didn't have the right number so he had to try again. He got a hold of him a short time later. Wayne said he heard the show. Ronnie asked him why he didn't come down. Wayne said he wasn't invited. Ronnie wasn't invited either, he just crashed the party. Howard told Wayne he missed him. Wayne said he's glad they had a good time. Howard hung up on him as he was saying he hoped they weren't calling just to rub it in.
Howard took some more phone calls. He had a couple of people calling in to complain about not getting their ''Crucified by the FCC'' tapes. One guy complained about G. Gordon Liddy following their show on the station down in Washington DC. Howard told the guy to give Gordon a chance, it's just his first week. Howard figured the guy was probably the midday guy that was replaced by Liddy.
Howard took another call and said he really had to get out of there. He was covered in oil. He took some more callers and one of them said she wanted to apologize for all of the mental midgets that were calling in from L.A. She didn't have much of anything else to say though.
Howard said the girl who ate cherries off of him left him a card where she's almost naked. Ronnie said he's glad he made it there today. He wasn't going to be there but he finished up his two jobs early and got there in time. Howard was going to take another phone call because he was finally ready to do a radio show after that party. The caller said the party was fantastic. Howard wondered if he could visualize what was going on. The guy said he actually had to shut the radio off in his store because it was getting too graphic. The guy suggested that they do the show from the Super Bowl next year. Howard got annoyed with that guy and hung up on him. He told Robin they had to get out of there after that.
Robin had a couple more news stories to go through before they ended the show. She quickly went through that stuff. Howard had some fun goofing on some of the stuff she brought up. After wrapping up Howard ended the show around 9:45am (Master Tape Theatre time).
Howard started the show talking about the special that K-Rock ran over the weekend to tie into the Super Bowl. Howard said he wasn't sure how it tied in and asked if anyone heard it. No one had listened. Gary was going to figure it out though. He said they did give away some footballs that Howard autographed. Howard was the only one who autographed it too. Howard said that's a dumb idea. He didn't understand why they would do something like that. Howard said Mark (Chernoff) makes him feel like an idiot when he does that kind of thing. No one wants that as a prize. Howard asked where Mark is Gary said he'd be there soon.
Howard said that channel they do their TV show on (WWOR) is incredible. He said he was watching one of the bits they do and there was some weird noise. He said it was drowning out their voices. Howard said it was the sound of a tape rewinding over the sound of their taping. It turns out that one of the engineers had tapped into the show audio with another piece of equipment.
Jackie told Howard he had heard it in the past. Howard said this happened during the taping too. He said he told Kevin to tell someone about it and get it fixed. Howard said you'd think that they'd hear it and say something about it. You're not allowed to question it because everyone is in the union over there. Howard said you have to kiss the engineer's asses over there to get any work done. He said you'd think they'd try to improve instead of just leaving it like that.
Howard said he had to yell at the guys about that. He said it's really weird to deal with stuff like that. Howard said it's the audio board that they have the problems with. They're stuck with the sound too. There is just one tape and that's the one with the audio on it. Howard said they can put some text on the screen explaining what the sound is.
Howard said there was a 2 hour pre-game show. Gary said they did highlights before that and it was like 13 hours of coverage. Howard said they did everything. It was pretty detailed. Howard said there were protests going on too. He said there were some Native Americans protesting the Redskins. He said it was pretty wild.
Howard talked about the Redskins protest and what that was all about. He said they seem to have waited an awfully long time before protesting something like that. He said he gets why they're protesting though. He said the National Organization for Women was out there protesting too. He said they were also protesting the Redskins name and also a bunch of other stuff. Howard read about the stuff they were protesting and talked about how strange that was.
Howard brought up the Space Shuttle and how that came up during the game too. He said he didn't even know the shuttle was up. Robin said they don't talk about it that much anymore. Howard said the picture was unreal from up there. He said they'd cut to the Space Shuttle and the picture was better than it is over at WWOR. Howard said they don't bother setting up the cameras the right way over there. He said everyone knows they have to set it up but they don't bother.
Howard said that they had a Canadian woman on the Shuttle and she was very ugly. Howard said she looked really bad and they probably did that so the guys wouldn't be tempted to do anything with her. Howard did his impression of what that whole thing must be like. He said he was shocked that they spend money on something like that when the country is doing as bad as it is.
Howard said he went to bed at half time during the game. He said he's glad he went to bed. Howard said he tuned into the half time show on FOX and it was pretty bad. Howard said that show was kind of weak and it went on too long.
Howard said their TV show as on Saturday night. He said Gary was in his Vulcan outfit. Gary said that he got some feedback about that and the fans were goofing on him about it saying he played the part so well because he's so dopey.
Howard was talking about how Gary likes a lot of simple stuff. He said Gary can quote every one of Jackie's jokes and he may know a little too much. Gary likes the jokes even if they're not funny.
Robin said the real half time show was pretty funny with Gloria Estefan singing. Howard said she's a weirdo. He wondered when she became famous. Robin said it was after she broke her back. Howard said she's got the worst songs in the world. Robin said they're like country music to her. Howard said that's exactly what they're like.
Howard said they took a lot of care to keep the studio clean when they did the party the week before. Howard said that one of the secretaries flipped her lid when she found out that the girl with the cherries spilled a little bit of cherry juice. He said she was yelling that they had to pay for it but he said there's no way he's paying for it. That's the cost of doing business. Howard said they got the stain out anyway. Scott said Gange went out and got some stain remover and it came right out.
Howard said Tom Chiusano was looking around to see what went on in there. He said they had put the mic stand on the stain and he didn't even see the stain. Howard said they really don't even need Tom there. Howard said Tom spends way too much time on stuff like that. He said he gets all flustered and doesn't know what to do. Gary said it's not like they did it on purpose. He said the carpet is bound to get stuff spilled on it eventually.
Howard said Gary was freaking out that Tom was looking all over for stains. He told him not to worry about it though. Howard said that it's just the cost of doing business. Gary said they got a phone call from management saying they were going to get a bill. Howard said he wouldn't pay for that. He said that they make money off of his show and he's not going to pay for that. He said he would refuse to pay that bill. Howard had to go to break after that.
After the break Howard came back and talked about Harry Connick Jr. doing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl. Howard said he heard from Gary that the guy sold out 75,000 seats at some venue. Howard said those people must be asking for their money back after hearing that performance. Howard goofed on the guy's bad hair cut and that awful performance.
Howard said Gary told him that he's heard rumors that he's a pain in the ass to work with. Howard said the guy is basically doing a Frank Sinatra impression. Robin said her favorite part was the woman doing the sign language for the deaf.
Howard talked more about the Super Bowl party problem and how they were going to demand that they buy new carpeting. Howard said if he sees that bill, he will rip it up and throw it away. He wanted to tell Tom about that in person. He called Tom in there and told him he wanted to talk about that. Gary said that no one is there yet.
Howard ended up talking more about the half time show on FOX that the ''In Living Color'' people did. Howard was wondering what's up with Sam Kinison too. Gary said he'll be coming in soon. He has some stuff to promote. Howard said Sam is doing that FOX show and they are about as bad as WWOR is.
Howard said they did a segment where they had to beam down like they do on Star Trek. They had to do a special effect for the segment and they were kicked out of the studio because they were taking too long. Howard said they get the highest ratings on that channel and they get kicked out for taking too long in a studio.
The caller on the line was Chaunce Hayden and he was apologizing for doing something that Howard had asked him not to do. Howard went off on him asking what was wrong with him. He said he's a good interviewer but he doesn't get why he does some of the stuff he does. He ended up hanging up on him just like Chaunce predicted. They went to break after that.
Howard and Richard talked about the Super Bowl and Howard asked if he was playing with Barbie dolls during the game. Richard wasn't answering. He was just rambling on and on about the stuff he brought with him and what he wanted to do with Howard.
Howard said Richard stinks and he has to have put some kind of fragrance on. Richard said he didn't have anything on. Howard said he has to have something on.
Howard said Richard is still kind of chubby even though he's always working out. Richard said that he didn't know it was his time to get goofed on. Howard was goofing on everyone today. Richard said the smell Howard is getting could be his hair spray.
Howard told Robin about the call Gary got from Richard yesterday about their ''date.'' It was a dinner that Gary had asked him out for and Richard canceled it on Saturday. Richard asked to go out on Sunday and Gary already had plans to watch the Super Bowl. Richard asked Gary why he would want to watch that instead of hanging out with him. Richard asked Howard why he talks so nice to him at home and not on the air. Howard said he's just telling a story.
Howard asked Richard what he did yesterday. Richard said he called about 65 people and talked to them. Howard said he thinks it's time for new hair transplants because his hair is thinning. Richard said that was it... He was done. He asked Howard why he's talking to him that way. Howard said he thinks he should be in better shape.
Richard asked Howard what theater he wanted to meet him at. Howard said he has a problem with that. He knows Richard is going to get upset but he can't go to the movie. He has to go to the hospital to visit his mother. He said she has a broken leg. Richard asked what happened. Howard said she fell down a flight of steps. Richard said he was lying. Robin said she was at the hospital with him.
Howard told Richard to go see the movie, ''Prince of Tides,'' and enjoy it while he's at the hospital. Richard wanted to go with him. Howard said she had a heart attack last night too so he can't have anyone else visiting. Howard said he'll go to the movie instead if Richard is going to give him a hard time. Richard said he's going to get a Paramedic's truck and bring his mother to the movies. Howard said he doesn't want to go to the movie. He said he hates Barbra Streissand and Nick Nolte and has no desire to see that movie. He has other things he has to do. He has to work on the TV show and things like that.
Howard asked Richard to swear that he didn't see the movie already. Richard swore on his mother's life that he hadn't see it yet. Howard said he already saw the movie with his wife and he doesn't want to see that again. He said it was a waste of 2 and a half hours. He figured Richard had already seen it too. He told him that his mother is in the hospital besides. Richard didn't say a word.
Howard said he is very busy and he can't go to a movie he already saw. He asked Richard if he's going to make him go. Richard wasn't answering. Then he said he was very hurt. Howard said he had to take a break after that. Richard asked why he was even there today. Howard said he would explain everything after the break. Richard said they had a date to go to the movies. He said they've had it for 3 1/2 weeks now. Howard said he's busy, he doesn't have time to do this. Howard said he'll go see a manly movie with him like ''The Last Boy scout'' or something. Richard said he had seen that already. Richard said Howard promised to take him to the movies and he's going. Howard said he is not going and he'll break his promise. Richard said he'll throw him in the car and kidnap him. Howard said he'll beat him up.
Richard asked why he would treat a good friend like this. Howard said he is a good friend but he's not going to that movie. He has a TV show meeting. He said he meets about that every Monday. Richard said he is going to that movie with him. Howard insisted that he's not going. They went back and forth on that for a couple of minutes before Howard had to take another break.
After an edited out break Howard was coming back but he was in the middle of arguing with Richard about the movie. Howard kept saying he's not going and Richard insisted that they had a date and he has to go.
Richard was singing to Howard as he was trying to do a live commercial read. Howard had to turn off his microphone so he could finish.
Howard told Richard that he was going to say the three words he wanted to hear from him. He said ''Nude Cub Scout.'' Richard said he doesn't like that. Howard told him to sing to him again. Richard said maybe his ratings just got too big and this is what happens. Richard didn't like the way Howard was picking on everyone this morning. Richard went off on him for lying to him about all of this stuff. He came to the city just to do Regis and Kathie Lee and to go to that movie. Howard said he just came there for Regis. Richard said that's not true. He's there to see the movie.
Howard said he has to play Richard's voice back to him so he can hear how annoying he sounds. He said there is no way he's going to that movie. He hates it. Robin said he did promise to go. Richard said he's got to go with him. Richard said he should do it for him. Howard said he is just a guy he knows on the radio. He said he's not his friend. Howard said if he didn't have a radio show he'd never hear from Richard. He said he can't go see this movie that sucks with Richard. He said he would go see a manly movie but not this movie that just sucks. Howard told Richard he's going to ruin the movie for him if he doesn't let him off the hook. Richard said he'll just cover his ears.
Howard and Richard kept going back and forth on the movie deal. Neither of them were giving in. Howard said a regular guy would let him off the hook. Richard said he's not regular. He said he's so nice to Howard and he won't let him off the hook. Howard said Richard is there doing business and he doesn't need him to go out to a movie. He said he would love to go to a movie he hasn't seen. Richard said that's not right and he should go see ''Prince of Tides.'' Howard said he's not going to see it. He said he had to take another break after that.
After another edited out break Howard came back still arguing with Richard. Gary came in so Richard was asking him why he told Howard about their conversation off the air. Gary explained why he did that but Howard and Richard ended up yelling at each other some more. Howard said he thinks it's all a shtick and he's not really upset about the movie.
Howard said Richard said something to him during the commercials. He threatened to never come on the show again if he didn't go to the movie. Howard said he has no time to do it and he will take a rain date on some other movie. Robin said she had a friend who asked her to go see Liza Minelli and she didn't want to go. Robin said she would rather have bamboo chutes under her nails than go see Liza. Her friend insisted that she go. Robin said she said she would if she insisted. Robin said her friend found someone else to go in the meantime so she thanked her for saying she would go and then let her off the hook.
Howard told Richard he should let him off the hook too. Richard said he doesn't want to do that. Howard said Gary will go and he'll do the popcorn trick with him. Gary came in and said he would go. Richard said he's not going with Gary. He had a date with Howard and he wants to go with him. He said he will not come on the show again if he doesn't go. Robin asked if they'll ever hear from him again. Richard said Howard has his phone number. Howard asked if he can call him again if they don't go to the movie. Richard said he will never do the show again if they don't go to the movie. Richard said he made him a promise and he backed out. Howard said he never asks for anything from Richard. Richard said he asks him to come on his radio show and TV show. Howard said that everything is off. he's not going to the movie and he doesn't have to do anything for him.
Howard took a call from a woman who wanted to go to the movie with Richard. Richard wasn't going to go with her either. Howard said Richard was going to insist that they go together but he's not going. Howard told her to go pound down a few pounds of bacon instead. Richard said that wasn't right.
Richard said Howard has never treated him so horribly. Howard said he'd like to let this woman on the phone go with him. Richard said she can go if Howard goes with them. Howard said he's going with Richard and he's bringing a camera crew. Howard told the woman that Richard isn't going with her. He said Richard likes to go to the movies with men instead.
Howard asked the woman what she ate for breakfast yesterday. Howard said she may end up putting another layer of fat around her heart if Richard doesn't help her out. Richard spoke to the woman and told Howard to leave her alone. Howard ended up hanging up on her.
Howard said he had to take another break but Gary said they have another woman on the phone who wanted to talk to Howard and Richard. He said it really upsets her when she hears Howard calling fat people ''fat.'' Howard said he had to go to break before getting to her.
After the break Howard came back and Richard asked for his sweater back so he could leave. Howard said he liked the sweater. He wanted to keep it. Robin said that a real friend wouldn't hold you hostage like Richard is doing to Howard.
Howard had the 300 pound woman on the phone and said that she's the same woman who had called in earlier but she had gained 100 pounds waiting on hold. Howard and Richard argued about their date some more.
Howard picked up on the 300 pound caller who was saying that what Howard does to people like them is wrong. She said that he has a nose big enough to ski down. Howard went off on her while Richard was trying to defend her. Howard said they'll get her some help. Howard said he can help himself. He told her that if she wants to be thin then she should listen to him. He said he's going to put her on hold and help her himself.
Howard said he will get her down to her target weight of 140 pounds. Howard said he's going to teach her discipline. Richard told him to stop. Howard said they should split sides and take one each. Howard told Richard that he's not going to give her Richard's number either. He's going to help her himself.
Howard told the woman to be a role model and lose some weight. Howard said that she's going to give him sit-ups and push-ups every day for him. He said that he's going to make her lose weight. She wasn't playing along with him. Howard told her he's only going to let her eat 7 meals a day and only eat when she's awake. Howard said he was going to put her on hold to let her speak to Richard off the air. Howard told Richard to get back in there or he's going to hang up on her.
Richard was out picking up the phone so Howard picked up on them and told Richard to get back in there. Richard was getting her name and number. Howard said he's going to go to the movies with Richard. He said he wanted to do it out on Long Island but Richard has to do it there in the city.
Howard said he will go with Richard. Richard changed his mind. Howard said he can't believe this. He finally agreed to go and now he doesn't want to go.
Howard said he had to let Richard go so he can go see Regis and Kathie Lee. Richard said he's got to work. Howard asked if anything happens in his pants when he sees Kathie Lee. Richard said it does. Howard asked him to have mercy on him and let him off the hook. Richard said ''no mercy.'' He was still insisting that Howard go with him. Howard said he has to get this done with early because he has meetings. Howard changed his mind again and said he's not going today. He said that he got burned on the theater he wants to go to so now they're even.
Howard said he has to let Richard go if he doesn't let him off the hook. He said he's fine if he doesn't do the show anymore. Howard said he's sorry he's mad at him but he's not going. He said the only reason he told him he'd go was to get him on the show to say no to him. Howard said he had to take another commercial break after that.
Howard went to break and ended up talking more to Richard during the break. He asked Gary what he was saying to him earlier. Gary said they get a lot of calls from overweight people who want Richard's help when he's on the show. Howard was still refusing to give Richard his sweater back so he could say his proper goodbye's. Howard said he sent Richard a personal letter off the air and he didn't send it to anyone else. He said he was professing his friendship to him in that letter. Howard told Richard to come take his sweater from him. Richard went over and got it and Howard said goodbye. Richard had stopped speaking by that point.
Gary came in and said that Richard walked out and Stuttering John said he thought Richard was crying. Howard said John was trying to make him feel better but there's nothing worse than having John trying to make you feel better. Howard said he thinks that Gary should be at the movie with him today. Gary said that's fine.
Robin said she has the feeling that Richard has seen the movie already. Howard said he got that feeling too. He said he had to have seen it with his friends out in L.A. Howard said he really doesn't want to see that movie. It's the worst thing that a guy can sit through. Jackie said that Richard was really upset during the break. He wasn't breaking down.
Howard said one of the girls spiled some cherry juice on the floor and they were very upset about it. Howard said that's what happens when you have a morning show like they have. Howard said they had millions of stains on the old carpet and no one was complaining about that. Howard said he wishes he had a job where all he had to do was worry about how dirty the carpet was.
Howard took a couple of calls from guys who were having problems getting their ''Crucified by the FCC'' disc sets. Howard had to put them on hold so Gary could take care of that.
A caller congratulated Howard on his ratings and on the TV show. Howard said they had a good show this week but he didn't look like William Shatner like Ralph tried to do with the make up.
Another caller said his name so Howard hung up on him and said they can't give out their names on the air. Howard took another one after that. The guy's connection was bad so Howard said he was going to hang up if he didn't get on a real phone. The caller insisted that he was on a regular phone. Then he insulted Sandy Korn saying she was a pig and he shouldn't have her on the show. Howard gave up on taking calls after that.
Howard ended up calling his father to talk about the game. He said he wanted to bond with him a little bit. He got his mom, Ray, on the line and talked to her for a short time. He said they only schedule one thing a day over there. She only does laundry one day and then she'll nap all afternoon. He said she'll go shopping and come home and nap again. One thing a day is all she can do.
Howard's dad was out so he told his mom to give him a message. Howard gave her the message but his mom said that she won't remember that stuff. Howard asked if she'll take a nap today. Ray said that she's going to do a few things today so she's not going to be napping.
Howard asked his mom if she heard him getting a rub down last week. She said she did hear that and she wanted to call and talk to him about that. She said it gets very repetitive. She didn't like it. Howard let her go a short time later.
Robin got back to her news and read about the protests that were going on before the Super Bowl. She had some stories about that. Howard spent a short time talking about that and how he thinks the Native Americans should assimilate into this society already. He said the Redskins name is racist and it wouldn't be that big of a deal to change the name. He said he knows they do have a lot of stuff tied up in that logo but they could change the name.
Robin read about how Bill and Hillary Clinton were on 60 Minutes after the Super Bowl. They came out to talk about Gennifer Flowers and her claims that she had an affair with Bill. Robin had Howard play some audio clips of Clinton on 60 Minutes. Robin and Howard spent a short time talking about that story before they had to take a commercial break.
After the break Robin got back to her news and read a story about women who were doing self abortions. Robin said they're doing it now even though it's legal to have them done. Robin read about what the women were saying about getting them done in clinics. Howard ended up talking about women who do stupid things like that and like giving birth in water. Howard said these women should just go to a clinic.
Robin read a story about Mike Tyson going on trial for a rape charge. Robin had the details of that trial and went over them quickly. Howard said it would be great if Tyson ends up going to jail. Robin had some details about Al Sharpton being part of the case too.
Robin read about Jeffrey Dahmer's trial starting that day too. Robin read about that case and the 15 murders he was charged with.
Robin read that Macy's filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy. Robin said that their suppliers aren't being paid. Robin read a few more details on that story and Howard talked about that with her too.
Robin read a story about Magic Johnson and how he's trying to play in the Olympics. Robin had some audio of Magic talking about a doctor who commented on his HIV and how he shouldn't be allowed to play. Howard commented on that story. He was talking about how Arsenio Hall was kissing his ass at some event he was at. Howard said he doesn't know how to solve the controversy about him playing in the Olympics. He said that AIDS is out of control and these basketball players shouldn't have to prove they can play with someone who has HIV. Howard took a call from a guy who commented on the story too. He said Howard sounds stupid talking about it the way he is. Howard said he's wrong. He spent a minute arguing with the caller about that before hanging up on him.
Gary said maybe they can talk to Mark instead. Tom came in a few seconds later. Howard asked Tom what was going on with that carpet bill. He didn't let Tom answer. He went off on him saying that he shouldn't be held responsible for something like that when he's doing a show there every morning.
Howard said he doesn't do a traditional morning show. He said he isn't leaving stains there every day either. He said when they have a party going on there, it's bound to get stains on it. He said he's doing a unique show there and he can't avoid making a mess sometimes. Howard said they were rushing in to check the carpet after that party.
Tom said that Howard is one of the people who complains about the way things look around there and the reason for that is partly due to his show. Howard said they don't all come from his show though. Tom was asking Howard if there's a difference between doing it there or in someone's house. Howard said of course there is. He said they did try to clean up the cherry juice stain. He asked Tom if he won a car race and got the engine dirty, would he be upset? Tom still didn't seme to get it. Howard told him he doesn't want to hear more about the carpet. He said he's doing a show and trying to be funny and sometimes this kind of thing will happen.
Howard said they can't possibly have anyone cleaning the studio in there. He said he sees people going in and out of there but not anyone cleaning. He said they had 5 or 6 people just looking for stains in there though.
Howard told Tom it's dirty in there and he could critique the way they take care of things in there. Howard said he didn't take a dump on the floor or anything. Tom asked Jackie about the pencil etchings on his console. Jackie said those weren't his. Howard said they cleaned up the carpet and if he gets a bill he's going to rip it up. He said they've really insulted him with this. They went to break a short time later.
Howard got some of his ratings information too so he went over them. Howard said they got good ratings with the WWOR TV show. Howard said for such a little show they do pretty good with the ratings. Howard said the stuff they do on that show is really stupid too. He said it got really stupid last week when they were taping.
Howard asked Mark about the special stuff they did over the weekend with the Super Bowl tie-ins. Howard asked why they gave away a football signed by him. Mark said that's what people wanted. He said he didn't want to leave Howard out of the whole thing either. Howard said that's a stupid prize. He said no one wants a football signed by Howard Stern. Mark disagreed.
Howard asked Mark about the Super Bowl Party they had last week and asked Mark if he wanted to be in there. Mark said he didn't. Howard didn't believe him. He said he's a horny little troll so he must have wanted to be in there. Howard let him go a short time later.
Celestine said she just found out about 2 weeks ago that she's being evicted. She said she doesn't get federal assistance anymore either. She said that they claim that she makes too much money but she really doesn't. She said they read about her in the paper and they believe what they read. Howard told her she has a place to go, she has to stop this.
Celestine said she would like the fans to help her out and help stop her from being evicted. Howard said he's not sure how to get out of this. He said she's very sensitive. Howard said that she hangs out on the boardwalk in Atlantic City. She was in front of Caesar's today. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said that this movie that Richard wanted to see is really bad. He told Robin what the movie was about and talked about how bad Barbra Streissand looks in it. Howard said Nick Nolte mumbles and he has no idea what he's saying. He said it was hard to listen to. Howard said he's going to mumble through his own movie if he ever gets one.
Howard said he was thinking about the Black Image Awards and some of the people that appeared on that. Howard was talking about Robin Givens and how he'd like to do her. Howard went over a bunch of other celebrities like Roseanne and Tom Arnold and Sandra Bernhard. Howard said he really likes Sandra and he finds her compelling.
Robin read some news about Tom Arnold and Roseanne possibly having trashed a hotel room. They're suing over the story and they claim they didn't do that. Howard and Robin talked about how wacky Roseanne is for a few minutes.
Robin read through some more news stories. She had a couple of things she didn't get to earlier. She had one about a guy who lost his arms in a farm accident. Robin read about how David Letterman is being interviewed by Barbara Walters on 20/20 this week. Robin had some details of that interview. Howard said marrying him is going to be a big payday for someone. He said Dave is as quirky as they come.
Robin read about a new cable channel called Monitor that's going to be on for a week there in Manhattan. Howard said they should give them all of the channels they can.
Robin read that Ned Beatty has asked that no one ask him to squeal like a pig anymore. He's threatening to clock anyone who does ask him about that. Howard said he'd ask him. Robin read through a couple more stories and Fred played the Ned Beatty squeal from ''Deliverance'' while she was going through another story.
Howard tried to find a song to end the show with. He went through a couple before finding something by Elton John to end on.
Then Howard recalled the procedure which involved the doctor examining him from a stool in the office. The doctor told Howard he'd be giving him an anoscopy. Howard and Robin joked about the name of the procedure for a few minutes. Howard said the doctor used his finger first to prod around in his anus, asking if it hurt where he touched. Then Howard had to get up on the table, bend down on his hands and knees. The doctor examined him and said he found some hemorrhoids, but no hernia.
Howard said that he popped something while working out over the weekend, which was the source of his pain. Robin said that the mayor is having the same problem with his balls. Howard said he was embarrassed by having to reveal himself in front of a hot nurse. Howard said he accidentally drooled all over himself while he was in there. Robin said she'd never had a patient as bad as Howard when she was a nurse. Then Fred played the tapes of Robin moaning.
Jackie said that any publicity regarding his ass would be bad, even if it was about things he didn't have. Howard said that the people in the doctors office wanted to joke around with him, but he told them no and that upset them all. Howard's doctor (Dr.Baker) told him to be positive about the procedure and think of it as something to talk about on the show.
Then Howard talked about a story Gary told him about a colonoscopy. Gary went to the doctor's office with his friend and while he was in there, one of the receptionists described what had happened to Gary to his friend while Gary was still back in the office. The receptionist explained it loudly enough that the entire office heard the story.
Howard said he was tired of talking about his doctor visit, so he took some calls.
That led to Robin talking about Hard Copy looking for tape of the "nude Olympics" which took place at Princeton college. Howard said he'd pay $250 to get the tapes, and he'd only screen them in his office.
Howard said he got an invitation from someone with a hundred little stars in it that fall out when you open it. He was pissed because it takes an hour to clean them up, and you never get all of them.
Then Howard said that Woody Allen got full fanfare in his description, being called "comedic genius", while Howard got a lesser description. He said that Lucille Ball was charging $500 for money signs. He said George Bush is asking for a lot but his sucked. Dick Clark just drew a lightning bolt. Bill Cosby wanted $500, Walter Kronkite was asking $350. He rattled off so many names that I couldn't keep track of them all. He said Donahue was only pulling $200. That made Howard happy. Joe Frazier wanted $250. Billy Joel wanted $300, same as Howard. Anne Miller wanted $150, Liberace wants $500. Dudley Moore wanted $240. Yoko Ono wanted $350. Liz Smith wanted $125 for her doodle of an elephant. Howard joked that she's the size of an elephant. He said Vanna White from Wheel of Fortune's drawing sucked. Oprah wanted $350 for hers. Robin Williams wants $400. Howard started to give the number to call if you wanted one of those doodles, but Sirius cut it out.
Howard said he should sell Xeroxes of all his drawings of Baba Booey. Booey said he's bothered that Fred draws him constantly, but when he brings it up Fred gets pissed and won't talk to him. Jackie said Booey's at a loss because he has no drawing ability.
Howard brought up Mark Greene, the guy who is investigating lawyers who charge astronomical amounts for divorce cases. Robin said Mark Greene was an opponent of Senator Alfonse D'Amato. Howard said he has some lawyers he'd like Mark Greene to investigate.
Howard picked up the phones to ask people if they wanna hear the Jessica Hahn call. Most people said no, so he didn't play it. He said he has hate mail, James Brown tapes, and John Lennon and Yoko tapes to play. Robin said she wants to hear the John Lennon and Yoko Ono tapes.
Howard had Gary come in with the tapes, but he ended up making fun of him for a few minutes instead.
Howard got to the John Lennon and Yoko Ono tapes. The first one was Mike Douglas singing about John and Yoko on his show. They goofed on him because he didn't even make the song personal, he just used the same mold each week and changed the names.
Howard had to take a break but they had more Yoko Ono tape to play when they got back.
They came back from break a few minutes later.
The next tape they had was of Chuck Berry and John Lennon jamming, but Yoko got involved and screwed it up.
Robin's first story was about Super Tuesday and how George Bush got a lot of votes. Howard said his flip-flopping just to gain votes disgusts him. Howard said that he himself is very pro-abortion, but he does see the point of the people who have a moral objection against it. Robin did some more stories about Super Tuesday and all of the candidates.
Next Robin did a story about Sammy "The Bull", a mobster on trial. The mob broke it's own code and went after a family member of a federal witness. Mobsters shot at the witness's sister after she dropped her child off at school.
Howard said he had to go to break after that, but Robin had one more story. She said that David Dinkins' medical test results came back and he has a big abscess in his kidney. They said the mayor had a similar procedure to the one Howard had. Robin said the mayor's diet could be contributing to his illness.
The next story was about Magic Johnson going to schools across the country delivering a message of safe sex. They goofed on his delivery for a little while.
Next Robin read a story about all the black stars going to a community to preach. Cicely Tyson, Spike Lee, Jesse Jackson and some others came and Jesse read some lame, over-the-top speeches.
Robin asked Howard if he believed in God or heaven. Howard didn't want to answer, but he said he doesn't believe in miracles or hell. She said 75% of New Yorkers believe in God. Howard compared god and heaven to UFOs. Howard said he thinks it's a miracle that his testicles are feeling better.
Howard went to break a short time after that.
Next story Robin did was about Melissa Gilbert's new sitcom with Rosie O'Donnell. Howard and Robin said that the networks must be getting desperate.
Robin's final story was about how men are taking care of their babies now, with changing tables being placed in men's rooms.
Howard read Jackie's plugs for the day and then said he'd be watching the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit video today. This led to Howard talking about how he'd like to be a photographer so he could get women to do stuff to each other. Howard said he has to go do career day at some high school.
The show ended around 7pm
Howard started the show talking about it being fight day. He did his impression of the ''Lets get ready to rumble'' guy. Robin and Howard said that the guy has something wrong with him to keep saying that line. Howard said he's an idiot.
Howard said he was very aggravated this morning. He said he could fight both Frank and Geraldo with one arm this morning. He said there are a lot of things wrong with the shoot they're doing at the fight for the TV show. He said he has two more shows to shoot for them and he's done. He said his agent called him yesterday and he was out of his mind over how much it was going to cost to bring in another camera. He said it was going to cost $1,200.
Howard said he has some bits to do and he did an interview with Bob Hope yesterday so that will air on that show too. Howard said he got Bob to tell him the Prescott Bush story once again. He said it wasn't so hard to get him to do that.
Howard said he did a bunch of stuff for the TV show and he was dizzy by the time he got home. He said he was home by 3 or so. Howard said he found out he didn't have the extra camera so he had to call one of the guys over at channel 9. He said the guy was in a meeting so he left a message. Howard said he was on the phone two seconds later with the people from the TV show. The guy he was calling called them at the show and asked what it was he wanted. Howard said he told the guys that he was going to pay for the camera himself since they were giving him a hard time about that. They told him that they didn't want him paying for it because it was going to set a bad precedent for them over there.
Howard said Geraldo was starting in again saying that he wanted more people to get into the fight to make donations to his charity. Howard said it's been one nightmare after another with this fight. He said they have to get away from channel 9 too because it's a nightmare working with them. Howard said this guy Michael Alexander is the problem over there and he gives them a hard time about everything. He said he's a good businessman but not a great TV exec.
Howard said he doesn't have time to argue with guys about stuff like that. He has to write the TV show. He said he has done enough of the show so it's time to end it.
Howard said they have the whole thing set up and Len Berman is going to be announcing the fight. He said that they're also going to speak to the press about the fight. He said that it's turned into a media circus there. Howard said people have been trying to sneak in because it's so big. Howard said they have all of the big major people covering the story.
Howard said he heard that Robin had disappeared earlier but it turned out she was just doing her make up. Howard told her that she should never let Ralph do it. Howard said Ralph has made him up and he gets streaked with orange. He said he's never letting him do his make up again. They goofed on Ralph about that for a short time. Howard said Ralph has made up his hands during the TV show shoot and he even did his ears that are covered by hair. Howard said Ralph is really into the job but he thinks he's done with the make up part.
Howard said they're going to leave there by 7:15 or so and they'll get to the gym and get set up over there. Howard said by 8:15 or so he'll go out and address the press at the press conference. He doesn't have much of anything to say to them but he figured they'd have questions for him.
Howard said he's going to tell the press some stuff and fill them in on how great he thinks their show is. He said that no one else is doing anything like this on their show.
Robin asked Howard if he saw Phil Donahue yesterday. Howard said it was on but he was on the phone so he wasn't paying attention. Robin talked about what was on the show for a few seconds.
Howard and Robin spent a little more time talking about what they were going to be doing this morning and how they were preparing.
Howard talked about the bets they have on the show too. Tom Chiusano was betting on it. Gary said Jessica Hahn called in with a bet too.
Howard went over the bets he has on the fight. He was giving Robin all of the details about how he thinks it's going to work for him. He seems to think that he's going to be ahead even if Frank loses. He said that he's betting Frank will win.
Howard said Geraldo doesn't want to wear head gear but Frank is insisting that he does. Jackie said he heard that Geraldo has a $7 million house in New Jersey so he's not sure why he'd do this.
Howard and the guys talked about what they think is going to happen with the fight. Howard said his wife told him not to get in the ring. He said there's no chance of that happening.
Howard said he read in the paper that Mrs. David Letterman is back. He said it was a tiny story in the NY Daily News that he read. Robin said maybe they're trying not to give her too much publicity.
Howard read the story about this woman who keeps breaking into David Letterman's house. Howard wondered where Dave is when she shows up because he never seems to be there when she breaks in.
Howard said they had to take a break and then get back to everything. He said that he wanted to mention a high speed chase that was going on in Newark. He said an innocent woman was killed and that made him think of Rodney King. He said that guy is their new civil rights guy. Howard said these guys were trying to outrun the cops and they hit this innocent woman. He said that the cops beat Rodney for the chase and it seems to have done him some good. He said he's looking all cleaned up these days.
Howard had the voice message that Jessica left for them. He played that and Jessica was saying that she wanted to bet on the fight and go with Geraldo. Robin said she'd take that bet. It was for $100. Howard said that's an official bet then. Howard said that Robin finally paid her bets to Jackie and Fred after a year or so.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him this is brilliant what he's doing. Howard said that no one else is doing anything like this. He asked Fred if he had some music for the fight. He told him to set something up. Fred said he'd get on it.
Gary told Howard that Jessica was on the phone. Howard picked up on her and talked to her about how he thinks that she'd date Frank if he asked. Jessica said that she would not go out with him. Howard asked how she has money for this. Jessica said she has some money for stuff like this. Howard said this is a big event and there's some controversy about who is going to win. Jessica said she thinks that both of them are going to be worked up for the fight.
Howard let Jessica go and got back to the caller. The guy brought up some stuff that was going on during the TV show and how Gary seemed to go into a trance at one point when they were dumping pudding on Mark Berglass recently. Howard said that's what he sees with Gary all the time. He said it gets to him sometimes and that's why he has to throw him out of the studio sometimes.
Gary came in and told Howard he's hurt by that. Howard told him that he just can't take it sometimes. Howard said he had to take a break and spent another minute talking about the big fight. Howard said they had some new stuff to play while they were on their way over to the fight. They went to break a short time later.
Howard read the article about Joan where they wrote about her crying about not being invited to Carson's final week of shows. Howard said that Johnny must think she's psychopathic at this point. Howard read some of Joan's quotes about the situation and asked why she cares.
Howard and Robin talked about Joan for a few minutes. Howard took some phone calls from some fans and then said that they were going to head out to the fight shortly. He said he was going to take one more call and head out. The caller on the line asked about a guest they had on and Howard said he'd try to get them back in next week.
The next caller said he saw Geraldo walking around and he was looking weak, tired and pale marching in a parade.
Howard said that his mother likes to throw around his name. He was saying she's always bragging that she's Howard Stern's mother. She said she doesn't do that. Howard said that his mother used to beat him as a kid even though she claims she's not a woman of violence. Ray said she didn't do that either. Ray said she really doesn't think this fight is a good idea. Robin asked if tennis is okay. Ray said that's fine. Robin said people can get hurt on a tennis court too.
Howard said his mother really doesn't know who he is. He said that she only remembers two stories about him as a child and they mean nothing. He said that she has two good stories about him and that's all she knows. He said that Scott the Engineer knows him better than his own mother does. He said that Scott may know him better than his own wife.
Howard said he likes boxing and Ray argued that he does not. Howard asked his mother if she likes to do three inputs. Ray said they were talking about this fight, not about sex. She said that whatever they do they enjoy though. Howard said that she has to stop with her morality lessons.
Howard said his mom wants him to stay at home and keep calling her mommy. He said that person doesn't exist anymore. He told her she should have breast fed him when he was an infant. He said that was a big mistake. Howard said maybe she's willing to do it now. Howard said she's a D-cup. He said they're really big. Ray said she's not even a D-cup. Howard said they are big though. He said she must be like a 45-D or something like that. Howard let his mom go a short time later. After that they had Howard promoting the big ''Scrapple in the Apple'' fight they had coming up.
Gary told Howard they had CNBC, Steppin' Out Magazine, The Bayside News and some press like that there. Howard said he might wait a while to talk to them so maybe some bigger people will show up. He asked where the other big ones were. Dan Forman said that some of them are still supposed to show up. He said he should wait a few minutes to see who shows up.
Howard was going to head down to the room to make his statement to the press soon. He said they have some judges there for the fight. He said that Len Berman is going to be calling the fight and they have some real judges there. Robin ran off the names of the judges. Howard said Geraldo and Frank will have corner men too. They talked about all of that for a short time.
Howard talked to Frank Stallone's trainer, Tom Paddy, and then Frank showed up. Frank said he wasn't looking to hang out too long out there. He wanted to say hello to everyone and go back to warm up for the fight. Howard said Ralph wanted to bet on the fight so he talked to him for a few seconds. Frank was on his way back to his dressing room and didn't want to spend time up there with Howard. Howard let him and his trainer go after that.
Howard introduced the ring announcer, Michael Buffer. Howard said that he wanted him to do one of his announcements but Buffer said that he was only good for one a day. Howard asked if he does radio stuff because he has a great voice. He said his real voice isn't like that. Howard asked if he was single. Buffer said he's been single for 20 years. Howard asked who he's dating. Buffer wasn't talking. Howard said they're looking forward to hearing him doing his announcements.
Howard said that Michael Spinks was there so he had him come up to talk to them. Howard had Spinks sit down to talk to then. Howard said it was very noisy in the gym. Howard said it's like a real boxing place. Spinks said it was actually very nice compared to the places he's boxed in.
Howard asked Spinks who he thinks is going to win. Spinks said it all depends on who wants it the most. Howard said that doesn't mean anything. He said that's a cliché. He asked Michael to come up with something better than that. Spinks said he thinks that maybe Frank will win because he's taller. Howard gave him some details about Frank and Geraldo's history and said that they both want to win equally. Spinks ended up picking Frank as the winner. He said that he thinks that Geraldo might have a chance if he can tire Frank out.
Howard had Tyrone Frazier come up next. Howard said Tyrone knows about losing. He asked Michael what he thinks he has to do to win a fight. Michael gave him some advice about keeping his head up.
Howard asked Tyrone for his prediction. He picked Frank too. Howard and Tyrone spent a short time talking about what Geraldo could do to win.
Howard heard that Geraldo was on his way in so he wanted to get him up there. Howard said he had to take a break though. He spent a little more time talking to Michael and Tyrone before doing that.
Howard was asked who he thinks is going to win. Howard said he thinks that Stallone will take it in 2 rounds. Howard talked about some of the things that the guys were going to have to straighten out before the fight too. Howard spent a minute taking a few more questions and then ran back inside.
Howard said he saw that his agent Don Buchwald was there. They also had Geraldo's cook there. She was the woman who was bothering Howard when he went outside. Howard spent a short time talking to the woman about what he does for Geraldo.
Howard wanted to move on but the cook had more to say. She said that anyone who doesn't like Geraldo can kiss his half Puerto Rican ass.
Howard saw that Dominic Barbara was there so he asked him for his pick. Dominic picked Stallone in one round. Howard introduced some more people who were there. He quickly spoke to the doctor who was there for the fight. He also spoke to a guy who said he was in favor of wearing head gear but the two men had to agree on whether or not they were going to wear it. Howard said he thinks that they should wear head gear.
Howard wanted the guys to just agree to wear the head gear. The ref and one of the trainers were arguing over the head gear and the glove size. The ref said that he's fine if they both agree not to wear head gear. He just wants them to both either wear it or not wear it. He doesn't want one man wearing it and one not.
The arguing went on for a short time and Frank's trainer was arguing that Frank has said he didn't want head gear from the start. Geraldo is going to refuse to fight without a helmet.
Howard said the fight was getting near and Gary came over to tell him that they finally agreed to head gear and 16 ounce gloves.
Howard had Len Berman come up to talk to them for a few minutes before the fight. Howard said that Len was from the local NBC news. They spent a couple of minutes talking to him about the upcoming fight. Len said this was a career highlight for him to call this fight.
Howard and Len talked about who they think can win. Then Howard took a poll with the audience and asked, by cheers, who was with which fighter. Geraldo's chef was out there yelling again so Howard spoke to her for a few more seconds.
Howard asked why there was a 10 minute delay on the fight. Dan Forman said that Geraldo was still preparing to fight and he might be doing a prayer session. He also said that Don Buchwald and Dominic Barbara were upset about their seating.
Howard killed some more time talking to Len, Michael Spinks, Tyrone Frazier and the other guys he had already spoken to. They had to kill 10 minutes waiting for the guys to come out to fight.
Howard spoke to the judges quickly before getting to the fight. Then they went to Michael Buffer who was ready to do his ring announcing. Buffer introduced some people who were there in the audience like Michael Spinks. He went through some more of the judges and the referee.
Buffer then introduced Frank Stallone who was there. Geraldo still wasn't out there so Buffer couldn't introduce him right away. Michael then introduced Geraldo who was on his way into the ring. Howard said he had his head gear on already but Frank didn't.
Howard and Len talked about the weight differences and height differences between the guys. The ref told the guys to fight cleanly and listen to him and everything would be good. The fight began a short time later.
Len Berman called the fight as it began. It sounded like Geraldo was taking a beating from Stallone. Len was saying that this round was going to seem like forever for Geraldo. When the round was over everyone said that they think that Stallone had the advantage.
The second round began and Geraldo was having trouble with his head gear according to Len. Then Geraldo knocked Stallone down. Stallone came back and Len thinks he thought it was just a slip. Len said that Stallone was making a comeback. After that round Howard and the guys spent a short time talking about how that one went. They were also talking about the round card girls who were there. They still thought that Stallone took that round even with the knock down.
The third, and final, round began and Len said that Geraldo was still holding on but Frank was still doing his best to take him out. Len said that Stallone was still getting in some jabs during that round. The round ended a short time later without a knock out.
After the fight Howard made his way into the ring. He asked Frank how he thought it went and what happened with the knock down. Frank said ti was a slip and not a knock down. Geraldo said that was a tough fight and he's not sure what happened there.
Howard said they and to wait for the decision. Buffer came in and announced what they had in the scores. Frank was the winner by unanimous decision. Howard brought the belt to Frank and Frank said that Geraldo has more heart than anyone he knows. He said it took balls to get in the ring to fight him. He called Geraldo over and hugged him. Geraldo said he was glad he went the distance and it was an honor to have fought him.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to the guys and they were both saying that the other fighter was great. Frank thanked all of the guys that worked with him to prepare him for the fight.
Geraldo said that they had raised over $10,000 for the charity that will be going to the retarded. Howard wrapped up and said they'd be back later to go over the betting. He had to get out of the ring to go back to talk about all of that.
Howard said he won $600 and lost $300. He said he thinks his agent is going to take 10 percent of his winnings.
Howard and Len went over the scoring of the fight and then talked to Michael Spinks about what he thought about it. They spent a little time going over all of that. They talked about what a big event it was and how much press was covering it. Howard said that Geraldo's cook was there so he asked her what she wanted to say. She said that people thought that he was going down in the first round but this proves what rice and beans can do for a person.
Howard said he's glad that Len was there to call the fight because he wouldn't have known what to say. He told Len to say hi to Chuck Scarborough since he knows him and his lovely date. Len said that they all love Howard over there at NBC. Howard said he loves them too except for when they fired him.
Robin said Fred was jumping up and down during the fight. Fred said he thought Geraldo was much better than he thought he was going to be. Fred and Jackie went over the bets they had and tried to figure out who owed who what.
Howard wrapped up and had Michael Buffer give them a special ''Lets get ready... to go home'' announcement. Howard had to read some plugs before he left so he and Robin ended up talking for a few more minutes.
Howard and Robin talked about how great the fight was. They spent a few minutes on that and also spoke to this woman Raquel who had given Howard a massage at the station one time. Howard asked when she was coming back. She said she'd be there anytime. Howard ended the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he was working on a new Woody Allen movie in the editing room. The movie was called ''Single Yellow Female.'' He said they had Dice coming in today too.
After an edited out break Howard talked about what skunks there are in the radio business. He talked about how he worked for WRNW years ago and how they paid him 4 bucks and hour. He said they were going to go on strike at one point because things were so bad there. He said that the station was a real hole in the wall too.
Howard said he was getting $4 an hour and it just made you want to get out of the business. Howard said some guys wanted to unionize there. He said that would ruin it for other people in the business though so he didn't want to do that. He said they were all going to go on strike and he refused.
Scott came in with the movie so Howard said he was just killing time until that was ready. He told more of the story about the strike at WRNW and how he avoided being part of that. He said he didn't want to stay at that station. He said they pay you so little just so you'll leave.
Robin said she had a similar experience at the station she worked at. She said that the owner would pay every 3 months. He was paying $180 a week but he'd pay you every 3 months.
Howard said he worked at a station where the guy didn't pay him after his first week. He said the boss paid him out of his own pocket because the owners weren't paying.
Howard played the clip from this show that she appeared on and Underdog Lady was claiming that she had been trapped in the studio when she would shoot those shows with Howard. Underdog said that she didn't know he was so vulgar. She said she was shocked and maltreated by them. Underdog said she just heard that his show was being canceled and she has no idea if she had anything to do with that. She said if she did, she hasn't been acknowledged.
The host of the show asked her about how they forced her to do the show. Underdog said she wasn't able to find her way out of the studio and she wasn't able to get to the phone so she could escape. Underdog said that Howard Stern was like a real life super villain and she thinks that she helped defeat him. Howard said that they get a lot of guests on the show by holding them captive.
Howard tested his mic out and did it like his father with the ''I am now testing this out for proper modulation.'' That led to Fred playing the Ben Stern clip where he did that same thing. Robin said Howard really is sounding like his dad these days. Howard had to hear that a second time to hear his dad saying ''thank you'' to no one at the end of that clip.
Howard said Jackie was wondering why some of the stations in the city go off the air at sunset. Howard said there are many that go off at sunset because when radio got started 3000 years ago they wanted to hear the network stations from the city during the evening. He said the farmers wanted to hear that so that's why they'd get off the air.
Howard moved on to play the new ''Single Yellow Female'' movie parody bit. It features Wood Yi (Steve the Engineer). Billy West also played some of the parts like Soon Yi and Fred played a couple of the kids.
After playing the clip Howard and Robin talked about how wild it was. Howard said it was just loosely based on Woody Allen and Soon Yi. Howard said that Wood Yi was played by Steve the Engineer. Howard thought he did a great job there.
Howard said he should play some of the outtakes. He said that Scott probably doesn't have it though. Howard said they had to cut some scenes because the bit was running a little long.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why Soon Yi sounds like Lucy from I Love Lucy. Howard said it's not even the same people. Another caller said they outdid themselves once again. Another caller said it was great. He asked who did Mia. Howard said that was Billy West. He said Fred played the two kids Ping Pong Bob and Ballson Chin.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the song was great. He said he really digs the show. He said he liked the ''song'' too. Howard took some more calls and the fans seemed to like the bit.
One caller said ''Larry King rules!'' Howard said that was their first Larry King prank call. Howard pretended to not know who he was just like Larry has done when he's gotten Howard Stern prank calls.
In the call the guy was talking politics with the host and then said he was calling himself Corporal of Punishment in the army of the King of All Media, Howard Stern. The host got a laugh out of that and hung up. Howard said he sees why he had to set up that nickname.
The caller was going on a little too long so Howard told him he talks too much. He said that he should just stick to his phone calls. Howard was going to let the guy make a statement but he was going on too long so he cut him off. Howard said that was ''Captain Boring'' on the phone.
Howard played some of the outtakes from the ''Single Yellow Female'' movie. The first one was one that Robin liked a lot. Howard said he may have to put that back into the movie.
Howard replayed the call and the woman was going off on him because she has a Down Syndrome child of her own. She said that it's not fine and dandy to attack people who have handicaps. Her husband was also a lawyer. She told Howard to find another way to describe these people. Howard said that he'd describe her husband as an unnecessary human being then. He asked why mongoloid was worse than saying ''Down syndrome.'' The woman said that Howard isn't sensitive to the whole issue. Howard said he isn't going to apologize and he's not sorry. He said he doesn't feel sorry so why should he apologize?
The caller was telling Howard he should have feelings for people who are raising handicapped kids. Howard said that she doesn't know him so maybe he's handicapped himself. She said she's seen him on TV so she knows he's not. Howard said maybe that's not really him.
Howard said that he finds a lot of stuff offensive but he's never tried to change someone by calling their show. Howard said that she sounds like a woman who makes calls like this all the time. She claimed it was the first time she had ever called. Howard told her that maybe she should listen to some other show. She said she might. The caller said all she wanted was Howard to apologize. Howard said he's not going to.
The caller said that her child was the first Down Syndrome child to have a Bat Mitzvah. Howard said that's no big deal, anyone can have a Bat Mitzvah. She said it was a big deal.
In the clip Gary came in and said that he had another caller who said that Howard shouldn't be allowed to broadcast his cynicism on radio. Howard continued on with the mongoloid woman and then picked up on the other caller. Howard anted the two of them to talk to each other but they wanted to talk to Howard and go off on him.
The second caller told Howard that this world doesn't need his mouth. She was listening to her radio and thought that he wasn't even going to put her on the air. Howard didn't tell her that she was on a delay. She ended up hanging up just like the first caller.
After the clip Howard said it's like being in a war when you're on this show. Gary told Howard that the second called continued her call with their program director after the show.
Howard said that he has to take a break and figure out what to do next. Howard was talking about the Single Yellow Female thing and ended up talking about the real Soon Yi who isn't all that good looking in his opinion. They talked about how weird that whole Woody Allen thing is. Howard said he'd play it again later and it would be the long version with the scenes put back in. They went to break a short time later.
Howard moved on to talk about how the Zookeeper down in Philly is living in a hotel because he's going through a divorce. Howard said they love all of this. He said the guy just bought a new house and they have information about it in the paper. Howard read about how big it was and how it didn't have a pool. The garage was detached from the house which he found odd. Howard said that this was in the Philly area too. He asked Robin what she thinks he paid. Robin said she'd say $230,000. Howard said it was actually $397,500. Howard said it's not a good time to be buying. He said that the guy might be over extending himself.
Howard talked about the Zookeeper and how he might be moving to afternoons. Howard said he might be ruined though and he's not sure anyone would want to listen to him now.
Howard asked if she had a bra on. She said of course she didn't. Howard was asking Lori about dating other girls and getting turned on thinking about that. He asked her how tall she is and how much she weighs. She also said she looks like Christie Brinkley. She said she's not sure if Corey thought that though.
Howard asked Gary if she looked like Christie Brinkley. Gary said she has dark hair and she's very cute in an earthy way. He said he did not see the Christie Brinkley look. Gary said she was in very good shape though. Howard said she's worth getting an erection over.
Howard asked Lori if she slept with Corey. She said she didn't really sleep. Howard asked if she had a good time with him. She said she did have a great time. She said that she didn't sleep with him on the first date either. She said the week after she went out with him again and hung out at his cabin. Howard said he must not work because he has his dad's money. Lori said that's true. She said they had a great time and he was everything that she was looking for. Howard said his hands must have been smooth from not having to work hard. She said he plays guitar all day.
Howard asked if they made love on that second date. She said she didn't but they did kiss. She said he came over the week after. Lori said that he was calling her and testing her out to see if she was the right kind of woman for a wife. She said that he'd be very cautious about what she said to find out if she was in love with him or his father. Lori said that she went down to a taping of the Tonight Show and it was one of the final tapings. She said that the director told Corey that he shouldn't have brought her there. Lori said that the guy is a friend of Johnny's so that's why he can talk to the kid like that.
Lori told Howard that Corey stomped out after he got yelled at. He said he didn't stand up for himself though. Howard said it must be confusing to be Johnny's son. He said the guy is in his 30s and he can't stand up for himself. Lori said that the director is taking over for Johnny in some way. She said that he was way bummed out after all of that. She said that they're really paranoid about her calling the show to tell them what happens.
Lori said that she's really not a gold digger but he must think that she is based on the way he's treating her. Howard asked Lori about making love. She said that he can call it that. She said that she considers making love more than just banging. Howard said that's what he asked.
Lori said that she was very sorry for Corey because on the last show Johnny was apologizing to his sons for not being there for them when they were growing up. Howard said he can imagine why Johnny didn't want her around. Lori said Corey is messed up and he'll never be able to have a functional relationship. Howard said she doesn't know that for sure.
Lori said that she went out with Corey once and he flipped out because she wasn't paying enough attention to him or something. Howard said he could have a different story than she does. She said that's the feeling she got.
Lori said that Corey ended up coming to her place and threw rocks at her window at 3 in the morning. She said that he was very insecure. Howard asked if she's seeing anyone else. She said that she's not and she was locked up in a room for 3 months with a computer so she wasn't seeing anyone else.
Howard said that Lori and Corey aren't seeing each other anymore. Lori said that they had some good times but one day he brought over his own food to her mother's house and he was acting very odd. Howard said he tried to set her up with the son of a celebrity but it didn't work out.
Howard asked Lori how many times they did it in one night. She said that they would do it all night. Howard tried to get more details out of her but she wasn't giving up much. Howard decided to give up on the whole conversation. He went over the stuff they did learn about and wrapped up with Lori. He said he couldn't take her anymore.
Lori tried to save it by giving Howard more details. Howard had to drag the answers out of her so he just gave up. He said he was trying to find out how she got her clothes off but she wasn't giving the details. Howard hung up on her a short time later. He said he tried to talk to her but he wasn't getting much out of her after a half hour. Howard said he lost his patience.
Howard did an impression of Lori not telling him about what he'd ask about. He had her giving details about stuff he didn't care about. Howard said ''Shut up! Shut your yap!'' He said that was making him crazy. Howard said he found out as much as he possibly could with her. He had to go to break after that.
Gary came in and said that Dice is booked to do Whoopi's show. Howard said he'll end up hating her after he does her show. Howard replayed ''Single Yellow Female'' after that.
Howard wondered where Robin was. He thought she might be in the bathroom. Robin came back a short time later and said she was working with Scott. Howard said he's overwhelmed with the stuff they have for him back there. They have Best Of in the works because they have vacation coming up soon. Scott came in and said he has a lot of work to do and he's been doing stuff for other people there too. He said he needs a couple more hours to get it all done.
Scott said he was trying to get it all done yesterday but he kept getting interrupted. Howard said he hasn't bothered Scott to do anything in a month. Scott said he had a lot to do. He and Gary were fighting over this Best Of thing and all of that. He had another project he was working on and Gary told him he shouldn't be working on it.
Gary said that Scott had a meeting that he had to take that was interrupting his work so he suggested that he cancel that. Scott said it's not up to him to cancel it.
Andrew Dice Clay came in during that discussion. Howard continued to argue with Scott after Scott came in. He told Scott he could have had 15 hours of work done if he had done it during the month that he didn't bother him with anything.
Howard and Dice talked about the Woody Allen thing and what they thought about that. Dice was saying that he'd never adopt a girl. He said he'd have to have boys because he wouldn't want to molest them. After a quick discussion Howard replayed the ''Single Yellow Female'' bit again.
After the bit was done Howard got back to Dice. He also had Steve the Engineer come in to talk about playing Woody. Steve isn't very talkative and he was very nervous on the air. Howard said that this was Steve's first acting gig. He said that he had never done anything like that before. Howard had Steve do some of his lines for them.
Howard said that he's not sure if he can put Steve in any other things. He can only do that one voice. Dice said the voice is really great. He said maybe he can work on other impressions. Howard let Steve go a short time later. Howard said that this is a very unique show.
Howard said that Dice has a guy video taping him and he's not sure he wants him in there. Dice said he just wants it to show it to his kids later on when he's an old, fat, bastard. Howard didn't want the camera in there.
Howard and Dice talked about the real Woody Allen story some more. They talked about how odd Woody is and about what he did to Mia Farrow.
Howard told Gary to let the other guys come in. He had Wheels and Clubsoda Kenny there. Kenny said that he was being treated like a step child out in the hall. He started to use some of Dice's jokes so Dice told him to stop with that.
Howard said that Clubsoda has been his bodyguard at some of Dice's events. Kenny said he cares about people, that's why he does that. Howard said Kenny has a tiny little head and a big body. He said he'd like Bluto from Popeye. Kenny said he's just big and stupid.
Howard asked Dice about what went on the last time he was there since he went off on Arsenio Hall. Dice said that nothing happened after that. There was no fallout. He said he's not allowed on his show or on the Tonight Show. Dice said he didn't like the way Jay treated Howard and he talked about his giant head so Jay may not have been too happy about that.
Dice said that he thought Howard had a great appearance on the Tonight Show. He said Jay, the pumpkin head, didn't treat him the right way. He said he never even asked Howard a question and he gave him that intro where he called him annoying. That's not right.
Howard asked Kenny what he had to say. He said he has to change his name to Brontosaurus Kenny. Kenny had a joke about Jay's head that didn't go over very well. Howard said Kenny just repeats what Dice says. Dice was talking about how he could have done 5 nights at Westbury and Kenny just repeated after him again. Dice told him to shut up.
Dice told Howard about some shows he had coming up and Kenny helped him out with that. Kenny threw in his ''I hear ya!'' a couple of times during that discussion too.
Howard talked to Michael ''Wheels'' Farisi too. Dice said he opens up for him. Howard talked to Wheels about what he does when he works with Dice. He told Howard a couple of stories about working with him. Howard asked Kenny if he thinks he's funny. Kenny said yes but Dice thought he was about to say something derogatory toward him. Kenny said that he's with Andrew and he sticks with the ''one who brung him.''
Howard said he's going to be doing the MTV awards and he's going to appear as Fartman. Dice said that kind of show fits Howard.
Howard said he was going to do some news but Dice could stick around and talk about the stuff they go over. They had to go to break after that.
After an edited out break Howard came back doing a live commercial. Clubsoda Kenny told a joke about how Dice used to take the girls out into the corn fields and kiss girls ''behind the ear.'' Howard and Dice tried to talk more but Kenny kept throwing in lines that Dice didn't like.
Howard said they had Kenny and Wheels in there with Dice. Dice said his camera guy was in there too. Dice asked him to let him tape a little bit. Howard said he really doesn't want tapes made of him. He said that he could tape him for like 3 seconds.
Howard asked Dice about what happened between him and Norm Crosby. Dice said Norm is his neighbor. He said he tried to make friends with his neighbors. He said Richard Simmons is one neighbor too. He said he stopped over at Norm's house after doing a show one night. He said it was pretty late, like 2:30 in the morning. Then Norm opened his door and he pushed his way in to introduce himself. Dice said he wanted to buy all of the houses around the neighborhood. He pulled out his check book and said he wanted to buy it right then and there. He told him he wanted them out in 15 minutes. Dice said he may have been a little drunk. He said he was probably wrong for doing that.
Dice said the house next door to him was for sale too. He said he had been going into that place for like 2 years. He said he walked right through it and jumped into his pool. This is the house next door. Dice said he figured he'd just jump in the pool during the open house he had going on. Dice said that he asked why he can't just come over like he usually does just because he has an open house. Dice said that he isn't talking to that guy anymore.
Howard asked Kenny what he thinks about this. Kenny said that Andrew does not lie. He and Dice did some ''Ya Hear?'' and ''I hear ya!'' bits.
Dice told Howard another story about how he was blocking his neighbor's driveway with his car and his neighbor, Richard Simmons, came over and said he was going to have it towed. He said he insisted that it wasn't even his car but the guy said he's the only one with a green Caddy.
Howard said he knows Dice is really doing these things because he's called him at like 3 in the morning wanting to make phony phone calls with him.
After the break Howard came back and gave Dice some plugs. They talked about the gigs he had coming up. They talked about how Robin didn't show up to see Dice at Westbury. Robin said she wasn't sure if Howard was going to go or not. She wasn't able to make up her mind.
Robin got back to her news and read about Woody Allen and Mia Farrow. There was a story about how one of Mia's kids was missing. Robin had some stuff about Woody and Soon Yi too. Dice and his guys talked about that stuff. They got a little carried away with the jokes. Howard had to hit the delay on Dice since he was getting too graphic.
Robin read some news about Joan London's husband asking for money from his wife since he thought they were a team. Dice said he's just a leach. They spent a few minutes talking about that story. They had to go to break a short time later.
After an edited out break Howard came back and talked about how quick Kenny gets up to help Dice when he needs something. Dice needed some coffee and Kenny got up and ran right out of there.
Robin read some more Woody Allen news. They also talked about Pat Robertson and ended up playing some audio of him making a speech. Fred threw in some ''I hear ya!'' clips into the mix. Howard ended up going off on the religious right for a minute and saying that this is why he's going to vote for Clinton.
Robin had some audio of Marilyn Quayle making a speech too. Howard cut that off and went off on her for a minute too. Robin had some audio of Barbara Bush making a speech too. They went through that and goofed on her for a short time.
Robin had some audio of a woman talking about AIDS. That woman was also on Larry King and someone prank called the show and mentioned Howard Stern.
Robin read a story about a house that blew up. She said that they had a propane leak and it blew the guy out of his house and he was naked at the time. Robin said they had 14 people living in the building at the time. Robin said hat the age range was from 2-60.
Robin read a story about Amy Fisher and how a judge has held the indictment against her. Robin read about a gay workshop for parents. She said it's about gay daddies and lesbian moms. Howard told Kenny he should go to that. Kenny said he should because he is very happy. He said he has two boys of his own. He doesn't have any girls because he doesn't believe in them. He also said he's married but separated from his wife because he's there in the city while she's at home.
Dice and Kenny were going to get going but then Howard realized that he was supposed to talk to David Faustino. It was getting late but he figured he'd just let him promote whatever it was he had to promote.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and let some people say a few quick words. one guy argued with Howard about voting for Clinton and how that really wasn't going to help the country with the religious right. They went back and forth on that for a short time. Howard said he just wants to get Bush out of office.
Howard asked David what he was promoting. David had a rap record coming out so he wanted to promote that. Howard asked Dice to quiet down because he was talking over David. Howard had the rap record there so he was going to play some of that for David. David calls himself D. Little when he raps. Howard said that he should stick to one name. David said he uses that name when he raps only because it's kind of hip. Howard said he doesn't give himself different names when he goes home to go to the bathroom. He said he should stick to one name.
While Howard was playing the song Fred threw in some of Kenny's ''I hear ya!'' clips. Howard played a little bit of the song and Dice didn't believe that it was really him. David did some of his rap and Howard asked why he puts on the black voice. David said he's not putting it on. Howard played more of the song and Howard said Christina Applegate probably tied her legs together after hearing this. Dice and Kenny were talking over the song a little bit and doing their ''Ya hear? / I Hear Ya!'' thing over it.
David got in some plugs for a club he was appearing at. He gave him some plugs for that and for the new rap song.
Gary said he knows they were getting ready to leave but he had a black guy on the phone who wanted to comment on this. The caller said that he thought Howard sounded kind of ridiculous talking to him about the song the way he was. Howard said he was just trying to interview the guy. He said he did sound black. The caller asked what's wrong with that. He said Howard sounds ignorant talking like that. He said he sounds old. Howard said he doesn't care. He told the guy he was a nut and an idiot.
Howard let David go after that. He said he's a good kid. Howard said he doesn't care what anyone does, he's just trying to interview the guy and find out why he does what he does.
Howard thanked Dice and Kenny for coming in. He wrapped up and gave Dice some more plugs for his upcoming shows.
Gary told Howard he knows that they wanted to end the show but Leonard Marshall was on the line. Howard picked up on him and said he really had to go. Leonard told Howard he has to come down and visit him at training camp. Howard said he has to go and he'll call him tomorrow. He let him go and wrapped up with Dice and Kenny.