MarksFriggin.com started logging the show in 1996 so there weren't any show rundowns from any years before that... until Howard got control of the K-Rock tapes in 2006 after moving to SIRIUS Satellite Radio. They started playing some of the older shows on Master Tape Theatre so I typed up some rundowns for those shows. Below you'll find the 1987 shows that I did manage to write up...
Howard started the show talking about how they never got to go to the David Lee Roth concert. Fred went though. Howard asked how it was. Fred said something off mic and Howard said he wanted Gary in there to talk about it. Fred goofed on Jackie since he was encouraging Howard not to talk to him. He asked Jackie if he had bitten his nails lately and called him Stink Finger. Howard talked about Jackie sticking his finger in a guy's butt. Howard said that Jackie has a weird sexual proclivity. He said they bought Jackie a butt plug since he needs it. Howard said Jackie took it home too.
Gary came in so Howard asked how the concert was. Gary said they got to sit in the sky box and they sat with Ralph Macchio. Howard said he must have been a jerk. Gary said he didn't say anything so it was hard to tell if he was a jerk. Gary said he had a girl on his lap the whole night. Howard said he figured he wasn't talking to anyone because he thinks he's a big star. Gary said the girl was cute. Howard asked if she was young. Gary figured she was like 24 or so.
Howard asked if they went over and introduced themselves. Gary said they walked in and saw Ralph in there. They did see the way he walks and it's kind of a waddle. Gary said he thinks that Ralph might think that he's Howard Stern. Gary said everyone was coming in to give Ralph food and stuff and he thinks that they were just doing that to meet him.
Gary said they were lucky to get in there when they found out Howard wasn't even there. Gary said they went through a lot of trouble to get that box for Howard. Gary said they told them they could go in even though Howard wasn't there. Gary said one of the people came in and introduced him to someone as Gary from Howard Stern and the guy thought he was Howard Stern. Then Ralph looked over at him and his girl told him that he was Howard Stern. Gary said Ralph did say hi to him later on that night and he thinks he did that because he thought he was Howard Stern.
Gary said they got back stage after the show. Howard said it would have been great if they had all gone and got back stage. Howard asked if they met David Lee Roth. Gary didn't get to answer because Howard said Leslie West told him what goes on back stage and he knows that it wouldn't have been a good time.
Gary said he got back stage and there were about 150 people there. He said there were a bunch of bimbos in spandex. He said he heard one of the roadies calling out to the girls they wanted back stage. They were all hand picked.
Howard said he thinks that David has a regular squeeze with him and the girls are for the other guys on the crew. Gary said there was a girl there who was about 17 and had on tons of make up. He said she was really thin and everyone was laughing at her as she walked by but she didn't care because she was going back to meet David.
Gary said they were waiting around back there and they stopped at them. He said they asked if Howard Stern was there and when he told him he wasn't, they made them wait. Then they finally let them in. He said he got back stage and there was no point in trying to talk to him because all of the girls had his attention.
Gary said that the girls were really young and some of them looked goofy with all of the make up they had on. Gary said he wouldn't have a problem with that if he was in the band. Gary said that the girls were standing there with Dave with that look like they were ready for anything to happen.
Howard talked about the hair weave that David wears and said that's why he puts on that baseball cap. Gary said he's a great showman though. He said he put on a great show.
Howard said he had a bit to play. It was an R. Budd Dwyer bit that they put together using James Brown clips. Howard said if you listen you can hear James Brown in the background as Dwyer shoots himself. He played some audio and someone screams as he pulls the trigger. Howard replayed that clip a few times and then played James Brown's ''I Feel Good.'' They mixed in that scream from the R. Budd Dwyer tape. Howard said he thinks that supports his theory that Brown was at the press conference.
Howard said that he saw that the NY Giants came home and people were at the airport to welcome them back. Howard wondered who these people are with so much free time. Howard said if everyone was like him they wouldn't have time to do that. Howard jokingly said that he had a lot of phlegm in his throat because he and Robin were at the airport accepting each one of the players. Howard said he thought it was a good idea at the time.
Howard said Dee Snider is one of the guys who will be saluting the Giants at their big celebration at the stadium. Howard said they asked him to be part of it too and he never said he was going to. He said Dee thinks he backed out of it and he's mad at him now.
Howard said he might have to tell Dee not to show up. He said there are a bunch of other people who were invited and they tried to tempt him into going by telling him that Raquel Welch and Woody Allen were invited. Howard said that he figured it would be bad if he showed up at the event. Robin said that Joe Piscopo will be there and so will Henny Youngman and some others. Howard said he can't believe Dee is going. Robin said she wouldn't go now.
Gary is going to the event so he'll have some reports from there. Gary said he and Dee will be there and he'll give Howard Dee's number so he can call. Howard said he heard they're going to helicopter Dee into the event.
Gary asked who he'd like him to bring on the air. Howard said he's not sure who he wants. Gary asked if he should get The Roaches. Howard told him to do that and ask them who they are.
Howard told Gary to get over there and find some people to talk to there. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Robin had some news about the Long Island Railroad union strike. She went through that and gave Howard the details of what was going on.
Robin read about Liberace suing a newspaper about a story that says he's suffering from AIDS. They say he has anemia but not AIDS. They spent a few minutes talking about that. They talked about how he claims he's not gay even though he's so effeminate. Robin said she doesn't want to say he's gay because she doesn't want to get sued.
Robin read a story about a grandmother who threw her 17 month old granddaughter out a window and then followed the kid out and killed herself. Howard said he's told his kids to stay away from their grandmother after hearing that.
Robin read a story about how people are still being grabbed over in Lebanon. Robin said that she's not sure why Americans are still over there.
Robin read about how Corazon Aquino avoided an overthrow of her regime. That was it for Robin's news. They went to break after that.
Robin said they had New Edition and Lisa-Lisa there with some guy who didn't know what her group's name meant. Robin mentioned some of the other awards she saw but she said she had to turn off the show.
Susan said there's a big thing going on at the Meadowlands today. She said they only have room for 26,000 cars so if there are more they'll have to go in on the train. Howard said that they should have sent someone out to interview the people who have been waiting since 4 in the morning to get in.
Howard said he doesn't understand how people have time to do this. Susan did her traffic report as Howard called Dee Snider. She just kept going as Howard had the phone ringing.
Howard left a message for Dee. Susan wrapped up so Howard let her got. Howard read some jokes that they had about R. Budd Dwyer. He said he'd be playing the R. Budd Dwyer song later in the morning too. He said he had Richie Havens coming in later on too.
Howard had Dee on the phone. Dee said that Howard set him up on the weekend and he made him sound like he had nothing to say. Howard told Dee about Jackie sticking his finger in Tony O's butt at the party they had over the weekend.
Howard asked Dee why he's going to this Giants event. Dee said he's not going. Howard said that it's okay if he goes. Dee said he won't go if Howard isn't going. Howard said the whole thing is bogus. He said Dee told him he didn't want any exposure right now so he's wondering what's up with that.
Howard said he has no problem with Dee if he's not going. Howard said that he's okay then. Howard said they were going around offering people to show up at the event and they offered him a grand to go. Howard said that's less than they pay Gary to go out and make an appearance in a mall.
Howard said he's not even sure who is making money on this deal. He said they're not charging for tickets. Howard spent a couple more minutes with Dee asking what he's going to be doing today. Dee said he was going into the studio today. Howard let Dee go a short time later and then went to break.
Howard kicked Scott out and then replayed the James Brown / R. Budd Dwyer bit he played earlier in the morning.
After that Howard played another song parody about the NY Giants. Howard said he was in the bathroom while that was playing. He had to make the 50 yard dash to the bathroom.
Howard tried to get Gary on the phone from the NY Giants celebration. He heard some noise but Gary wasn't there. It was Richie the Engineer. He was still setting Gary up over there.
Gary finally got on but he was on the phone. Gary told Howard the whole place was empty at that point. He said that's all he had to report so far. Gary said he stopped by WPLJ to say hi to them. They were broadcasting from the event. Gary said there was one other station there too. Howard said they could have interviewed them.
Howard said he thought that they were going to go out there too but Tom never gave them the word. Howard and Gary talked about some of the radio people who were there and goofed on them for a minute. Howard said he wants Gary to go over to Jim Kerr at WPLJ so he can tell him what a crappy show they have. Gary said they weren't quite set up to do that yet. Howard asked how soon they could make that happen. Gary got on a mic a few seconds later.
Howard told Gary to get over to WNEW or WPLJ and try to talk to them. Gary said that he went over to them and they didn't want him around.
Howard spent a minute talking to Gary before saying he had to take another break. Howard said that Richie Havens was going to be in soon too. He said they had to get his guitar tuned the right way for him.
Gary went over a list of people they had showing up at that event. He had a whole list of people that were going to be showing up and getting time on stage. He and Howard talked about some of those people.
Gary said that David Brenner is coming out for 10 minutes at the end. Howard said Gary should try to talk to him and ask what he's doing there. Howard let Gary go after that. Howard was hoping that they'd turn off the mic but Gary never did. Howard had to go to break after that.
Robin had some snow jokes from Joey Adams who sent them in. Howard read some of those jokes. Howard didn't get some of the jokes though. He suggested how he could change them.
Howard tried to check in with Gary but nothing was going on. Howard took some phone calls from some fans instead. One caller said he thinks it's good that Howard didn't go out to that Giants Stadium thing. Howard said he's glad that he's not going. He said he's going to give his agent a bonus for not booking him out there. Howard said they were going to pay him but he's not going to do it for a grand. Howard said he was thinking that it was going to be a big deal but he can't trust anyone.
Howard said Tom wanted him to go do it too but he's not going to listen to the geniuses in this business.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard he has to stop with the homo stuff. Howard said he just did some light petting with Dee Snider. The caller said he was talking about that Siobhan guy. Howard said he bets that if he looked into this guy's psyche that they'd find something weird. The guy said that he should get a brain transplant with a Lesbian and he'd be able to avoid getting his penis turned inside out. Howard let that guy go and said he had Richie Havens there.
Howard asked Richie about appearing on Johnny Carson and Merv Griffin's shows. Richie told Howard about those appearances.
Howard found out that Richie is still recording music and working year round. Howard talked to Richie about some of the work he's doing and Howard had some fun goofing around with that. Richie told him about a game show he's working on and how he has a deal in place for that.
Howard said Richie must have made a lot of money on his albums. Richie said the second and third did really well but after that he had to finance his own albums. Howard said he hears him all over the place. Robin said she hears him on commercials all the time. Richie said he's only on one and the rest are imitations. He said the rest of them are not him. He said there are three guys who sound just like him and they're out doing those commercials. Howard said that makes him sick. Richie said he's okay with it because that's not really his business.
Howard talked to Richie about what Jimi Hendrix was like. Richie said he was very quiet off stage and he would only go crazy on stage. Howard said he almost saw him on New Years Eve one year. He said that he was going to go with this girl but it didn't work out.
Howard said Richie knew Hendrix and knew everyone. Howard asked who he hangs around with now. Richie talked about some people he hangs out with.
Howard had to do the weather during that interview. Howard did it as if he were at Woodstock. Howard then went to Gary at the Meadowlands. They had some audio issues though. Howard wondered what they were doing over there. Howard tried to get Gary on the mic but things weren't working right.
Howard told Richie that he hasn't done drugs in like 5 years now. He said he only slipped once. He said it was just last weekend and it was people blowing smoke in his face. He said it was disgusting.
Howard finally got Gary on the line so he could talk to him and some people at Giants Stadium. He had John Scher there so Howard tried to talk to him but the mic wasn't working. He got him on the phone instead. Howard said he's glad he didn't go to that event. John said that he's fine with Howard not being there if he doesn't want to be there. John said that they thought he might care about the people out there but he obviously doesn't. Howard said John doesn't care about those people either. John said that it as fine to have him on the phone. Howard said he has some line up there.
Howard asked John what happened to Raquel Welch and Woody Allen. John said Raquel backed out yesterday and Woody was only asked to come. Howard said next time he should tell him who is really going to show up. He said that John told him that they were going to have a bunch of people there and he was just lying to him to get him to show up.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to John about this event he set up. Howard said John said he was going to help him in his career and being there with the people he has lined up isn't going to help. John said he loves Howard and he thinks he's terrific and if he doesn't want to be there then that's fine.
Howard said John is a lovely man but this event has to be the biggest bozo event of the year. John said he's glad that he's participating in the small way that he is. Howard told John he had enough of him and hung up on him.
Howard asked Richie if he had worked with him. Richie said he had a couple of times. Howard apologized to him for the behavior. He said when they come back they'll have Richie perform live and they'll get back to Gary at the Giants event. They went to break after that.
Howard let Leslie go and then went to Gary at the Giants event. Gary said he was on his way to WPLJ to talk to them. He saw Ernie Anastos but he may have gone up to the press level. Gary went down to WPLJ and they kicked him out. Gary was trying to get in there but they kicked him out. They were talking about one of the chicks on the show and how hot she was. Then one of the National Guard guys started beating on him. Gary asked what he was doing up there. The guy was a photographer who was taking some shots for them. The guy didn't want to be interviewed so he asked Howard when he was going to join the National Guard.
Gary went off to try and find someone else to interview. He wasn't having much luck. He found CBS TV and it was empty. Gary found someone from WOR but he wasn't an on air guy. Howard told Gary to find someone good. Gary said he was trying but there was no one good.
Gary then found WNEW and he was going to just bust in. He said that Guido opened the door and they heard some noise. Gary said that Joe Piscopo was in there. Howard told him to just go in. Gary said he can't just walk in, they're on the air. Howard told him to just do it. Howard said Joe is a friend of the show... as long as he hasn't been listening to the show the past couple of weeks.
Gary said he'd get Joe when he comes out. Gary said they had a guy from WNEW there to talk to him. The guy plugged WNEW and said he'd like to be listening to Howard but he's got WNEW tuned in. Howard goofed on him for a minute. The guy said that he had some guests he had to talk to so he had to get back into the studio. Robin said he really thinks that he zinged Howard by mentioning the call letters 5 times.
Gary said that Jim Kerr came out but he said he didn't want to do an interview at the moment. Howard said that guy sucks. Gary got their producer instead. She got in some plugs for ''Power 95'' as Howard was talking to her. She told Howard to stay where he was and Howard went off on Jim Kerr some more. She told Howard to have a good time in his studio. She ran off after that.
Gary told Howard he could stand there and wait for Joe Piscopo or go up to the press room and find some other people. Howard told him to go up to the press room. Gary left Guido behind to wait for Joe.
Gary got up to the press room and saw DJ Tony Pigg eating. He also found Ernie Anastos and Bill Beutel. Howard said he hadn't seen him since the telethon they did together. Bill said he's been around. Bill said that he hasn't seen Howard in about 3 years though. Howard said he thinks he's done doing the telethon thing now.
Howard asked Bill about how he always has his wife with him when he goes out. He said he can see why that is though. He said he sees why he has a smile on his face all the time.
Gary got Ernie Anastos on the mic too. They used to work together at NBC. Howard talked to Ernie and how he must have stayed warm all morning riding in his limo. Ernie said Howard never does let up on him. Howard goofed on Ernie for a couple of minutes about the reports he's been doing lately.
Howard said the stars were really coming out today. Gary said that Joe should be just about done on that other station now. He headed back down to that area. Gary said that Guido had Joe ready for them. Gary got down there and Joe was still doing the interview. Howard said they were going to blame all of the bad things they said about Joe on Richie Havens. Howard killed some time while Gary waited for Joe. They took a break after that.
After the edited out break Howard came back and got Gary on the line and he still didn't have Joe. He had some other people to talk to like Al Albert. It turned out to be Steve Albert, not Al. Howard talked to Steve for a minute about his brother and what that's like having a brother who is more successful. Steve talked about that a little bit.
Gary moved on to David Brenner's manager, Steve. Steve told Howard that he's going to bring Dave over to the show after he does some other stuff. Howard asked if he thinks he went over the line with David. They spent a minute talking about that. Howard told him that they have to straighten that whole thing out.
Howard said he's glad they're not there at the event. Howard said that they have Joe Piscopo and David Brenner coming up. He said it's a good thing they're there because they can never get them on the show.
Robin said they were talking about how David Letterman treats people on his show and how he hates show business. Robin said he claims not to have deferential feelings for anyone in show business other than Johnny Carson.
Gary got back on and said he had David Brenner there. Howard said he hopes he doesn't say anything wrong about him today. David said that's going to be hard. He went on to tell Howard that he has tried to get on the show for the past few weeks and he just can't get on. David said that he's missing all of the action down there.
Howard said that David doesn't come on his show anymore but he still loves him. David said he did send him a nice birthday greeting. Howard said it was kind of backhanded though. David said he loves Howard and he wishes he was down there with them.
Howard said there was no way he was going to go down there. David said he saw about 5,000 idiots standing out there. He said that they were all in blue face. He said it shows what unemployment can do. They spent a minute goofing around about that. Howard said he doesn't know how David can be there doing that. Howard said he should get out of there. David said that Henny Youngman was there. Howard told David that Richie Havens was there. David said he's great and spent a few seconds talking to him. David told Howard he'll be on the show soon.
Howard had Joe Piscopo on the line. Joe told Howard that he should come down to the Friar's club to see what's going on. Joe said they had some nice looking girls there. Howard said he's married. Joe said he knows that. Howard said he doesn't bail out on his wife. Howard asked Joe if Eddie Murphy is there. Joe said he was right there by his side but he said he can't talk to white disc jockeys.
Howard found out that Joe was at Eddie's house for New Years Eve. Howard sounded shocked by that. Joe told Howard he had to get going because he had to bring out Henny Youngman. Howard said he'll get another movie and things will be fine. Howard let him go after that.
Robin got back to her news and read some stuff about Liberace. Howard asked Richie if he thinks the guy is gay. Richie said he has no idea. Howard asked where he's been hiding. Robin read some more details about Liberace and how they say he's being treated for anemia.
Robin read about Jane Fonda crying over the movie ''Platoon'' after seeing it. Chuck Norris is apparently not happy with the movie.
Gary was back on and he told Howard the high school band was getting pelted with snowballs. Howard said that sounds kind of fun. He said maybe he and Robin should head down there. Gary said the station wants Howard to throw it to Tony Pigg who is down on the field. Howard spent a minute talking to Tony but he wondered why they were doing that if they didn't have any stars down there. Howard said they should have Richie sing to Tony so he has some flashbacks.
Robin finished up her news and Howard thanked Richie for coming on the show. Howard gave him some plugs and thanked him again. Howard gave Jackie some plugs too. Howard said he was going to do some commercials and then go back to Giants stadium. Howard said Tom Chiusano said they could go as long as they want. Howard went back to the Giants Stadium feed and Gary said that they didn't miss anything. He said the big guests didn't come until the last hour. Howard told Gary to go track down Jim Kerr. Gary said they were gone by 10 to 10.
Gary said there was a giant snowball fight going on there. Howard said he wishes he was there. Howard wrapped up and said they could end with the R. Budd Dwyer song and some other stuff. Howard said that he was annoyed with the feed from the stadium. Howard played the R. Budd Dwyer parody and ended the show a short time later.
Howard went to the phones and the first caller offered Howard a tape of the R.Budd Dwyer suicide. The guy worked for a news team, he said he'll bring down a copy of the tape around 8 o'clock. The next caller was from Philly, that led Howard to say that he's proud of WYSP making a good promo for him. The caller wanted to know if Howard ever put out a CD of his bits. Howard started talking about "50 Ways To Rank Your Mother," but he didn't say the name of the record. He mentioned how he made no money off it and that it was a crappy album. Howard said he likes doing bits but he doesn't want to be a morning zoo. He said today he'll have a Sternac. The caller asked about a hypnotist from the show, he asked if it was real. Howard said,"of course not". They made fun of Liberace for awhile. Howard said Phoebe Snow and Leslie West would be coming in today. Also coming up would be Sternac and Open Phone America.
Howard said he's gonna call Lebanon today and ask them to take more hostages. He goofed on Shirley Maclaine for a little then went to break.
Robin's next story was about Harry Helmsley's eye operation. Howard joked that once he sees Leona he'll be looking for R.Budd Dwyer's shooting coach. Robin did another story about Larry Davis and his brother being arrested. Another was about it being Chinese New Year. They started talking about hare lips and Howard said Leslie West was there. Jackie said some station in Jersey was playing a Hare lip Christmas carol.
Howard asked Robin if she watched Oprah because it was all about inverted nipples yesterday. Robin said she didn't. Howard talked about the show and Oprah for a little while. Howard said Leslie West and Phoebe Snow were coming in later and then went to break.
After that failure Howard went to the phones. The first caller was a woman asking about advertising rates. Howard said everyone else pays $2500 a minute, but for the lady on the phone he'd charge $1000. The woman said that was pretty "white" of him and hung up. The next caller said that Oprah was conducting a survey today about how women feel about their breasts.
Howard started off the show trying to say the word venerable. He said hello to everyone in the studio and wondered where to begin with the show. Robin told him to begin where he left off last. She asked him to talk about what happened since then. Howard said that he was on The Late Show with Arsenio Hall, someone he really doesn't like. He said that you shouldn't go on a TV interview show with someone who is trying to be funny. He said he had a lot to talk about today.
Robin said that she flew into Los Angeles and woke up in the middle of the night and wondered why he was doing that show. Howard said that he's not sure either. He said they have a lot of stuff to go over today. He asked why Dominic Barbara, Jessica Hahn's lawyer, was in the other room. Gary said he was showing Scott some videotape.
Howard said that Jessica Hahn was watching him on a TV show and now she wants to speak with them today. He said that Arsenio was asking him about her and he was defending her again like he has before. He said that just because she takes her top off doesn't mean that she wasn't raped.
Howard told Gary to have Dominic stop in before he leaves. He and Robin spent a minute talking about getting kicked off of the FOX building while he was out there in L.A. over the weekend. He said that he not only got thrown out of the building but he was supposed to be back on the show that night but the other half wanted him thrown out.
Howard said that he got the key to the city but then they took it back. He said that there's a lot of stuff going on and he's supposed to do the Maurey Povich show with Jessica Hahn but that's on FOX and he's not sure if he'll be able to do it.
Howard said he called Robin and asked her if she thought it was bad that he got thrown off the FOX channel. She thought it was great because they continued to talk about him even after he was thrown off. Howard said that FOX has no sense of humor at all.
Howard said he wanted to tell Robin all of this off the air but he wanted to keep it fresh for this morning. Robin said that Arsenio is the first black man that she's ever seen who looks bad in leather pants. Howard said that had something to do with him getting kicked off but he'd get to that later.
Howard went through a commercial (with the sponsor censored out with fart sounds) as Dominic was coming in. He told him he looks kind of like Andy Devine with a diploma. Dominic was asking him how much it would cost to get him in Hustler magazine. He said he'd negotiate the deal for him.
Howard talked to Dominic about this interview he's doing with Jessica today. Dominic told him he was going to get more time with her than most people would. He said that he thinks that she wants Howard to talk to her family because he seems to know how to handle family matters like that.
Dominic said he saw Howard get kicked off the show the other night and felt bad for him. He spent a minute on that before Howard got back to his live commercial to finish that up.
Howard finished up his live commercial and talked to Dominic about what's going on with Jessica Hahn. Dominic said he brought by a bunch of tape of some interviews he did with a few people regarding that case. Howard let him go a short time after that.
Howard said that one of the guests was a black guy from South Africa and a black actress that he had never heard of before. She was on Night Court and he really had no idea who she was. It was an all black show except for him.
Howard also said that the audience wasn't full either. He said there was a whole section that was empty because who is going to go see Arsenio Hall? He said that his opening jokes weren't funny but the audience was still wooing and hooting at him. He said it reminded him of going to a black theater to see a movie.
Howard said he felt like he was set up for that show. He said it felt like being on a ship and going down with it as it sunk. He didn't plan on being that outrageous. He just wanted to be interviewed. He said he tried to walk off at one point but they took him and threw him back into his seat.
Howard talked about how Arsenio seems to be trying to be just like his pal Eddie Murphy and it's just not working. He said that Arsenio kept saying that he was making more money than he was and it was like he was obsessed with that. Howard said that he's a radio guy so of course he's not going to be making that kind of money.
Howard said that Arsenio was doing that black accent that was so lame and he wanted to tell him he was offending him with that. Robin said that it's as bad as her black accent. Howard said he was sitting there thinking that the show was so lame that he wanted to get out of there. Meanwhile the audience was yelling stuff out at him. Gary said that he was getting heckled through the whole show.
Howard said that you never see white people heckling black people like that on a show. He said that he did mention Oprah at one point and got some applause. He said that she's doing a new thing on her show where she sits around eating her lunch with some friends. Robin said that's what Ronna Barrett used to do on her show.
Howard talked about the red eye flight he had home from Los Angeles and how Gary slept through the whole thing. He said he wanted someone to talk to but Gary slept right through it. He told Gary that he hates him for that and called him a Bad Breath Bastard. He said that Gary woke up at one point and smacked his choppers and asked for some water. Howard did his impression of him doing that and said that he knocked himself back out with his own breath. He ended up passing right out again after that.
Howard said that he slept through the whole movie that they were watching. That was the movie ''Malone'' and Howard said he kind of liked it. He said it wasn't so bad for an airline movie.
Howard said that he had tape from the interview and he wanted to go through that. Robin asked him if he saw Arsenio before he went on to do the interview. Howard said he didn't. He said that they ended up backing him up against a wall during that show and he did what he had to do.
Howard played the intro that Arsenio did for him on his show that night. Arsenio was reading off his cue cards and telling the audience he should see what they actually say. The audience was cracking up at everything he said even though it wasn't funny.
Howard said that the audience was yelling stuff out through the whole interview and telling him to get out of there and things like that. He felt like he was being yelled at by Paul Simon's band or something. It's really distracting too because he's trying to concentrate and they're screaming at him.
Howard said that he heard he was edited on that show when they aired it in Los Angeles. He said that anything that they found offensive was taken right out. Gary said that he thinks they took out the Edgar Rosenberg reference. Howard said he wasn't sure why they'd do that.
Howard played more of the audio from the interview and said that the only reason he got applause was because Arsenio called him his ''main man'' in his opening introduction.
Howard said he had to go to break but they had a new traffic reporter that he ended up talking about instead. Gary said that her name was Candy. They spent a few seconds on that. Howard also said that he was trying to find out from Gary if he felt something bad had happened right after that show and he didn't think anything bad had happened. Gary said that he hadn't had a lot of sleep out there so he may have been kind of out of it. They went to break a short time later.
Howard got back to the Arsenio tape and played through more of it. He kept interrupting the clips to talk about what was going on with FOX at the time. He said that he asked his agent what he thought of the interview and his agent shot back with ''Well, what did you think?'' He said his father was also saying that it wasn't his best appearance. He agreed with that but it may have been the most interesting one.
Howard said he told his Dad he thought it went okay because he did get some stuff out there that he wanted to get out there. He said that his agent told him that he should have a contingency plan for situations like that. Howard said that he didn't know he was supposed to be like General Patton there. He didn't know he was going into battle. He said he was just supposed to be interviewed but the guy had no good questions and kept doing that weird black impression.
Howard played more of the tape where he tells Arsenio that it's great to be part of a failing show. Arsenio kind of laughed and then the audience laughs. He said that Arsenio has to throw in his black comments to get the audience riled up. He said that the guy just isn't funny and even Joe Piscopo would get more laughs.
Howard said that he had no way of winning on that show with the audience acting the way they were. He said the show was like Amos and Andy with a band.
Howard played more of the audience hooting over him whenever he'd try to talk. In one clip Howard was talking to Arsenio about his name and he mentioned something about his mother and Arsenio freaks out and says ''Don't talk about my mother'' and the audience goes crazy. Howard said he wanted to get out of there around that point because the guy wasn't being funny but the audience was going crazy.
Howard didn't know what that hooting was about either. The audience was still going crazy 30 seconds after he told him not to mention his mother. Howard was trying to get to a list of something and Arsenio was still doing this weird thing about his mama.
Howard said that he was just sitting there thinking about how unfunny that stuff was that he was doing. He was getting annoyed by it all. He played more audio of the interview and said that it's like one of those morning zoo shows where people cackle and laugh over stuff that's just not funny.
Howard said that he wanted to get up and leave at that point but he ended up shoving him back into his chair so he couldn't leave. Then Howard started to go off on FOX about how he'd never do a show for them and he thought that they'd be off the air in about 6 months or so.
Howard and Arsenio talked about why Howard didn't like the network. Howard said that they decided against his TV show even after they told him they wanted one. He then said that he wouldn't be surprised if FOX drove Edgar Rosenberg to his death. Howard said that he was trying to push Arsenio as far as he could to see if he could make him lose his mind.
Howard said that Arsenio was looking around like he didn't know what to do at that point. He said that he had his own questions written and gave them to Arsenio to ask him. He had a question about Rupert Murdoch coming to this country just so he could own a TV network. The audience laughed so Howard figured that they only laughed because they didn't know that he was the one who wrote the question. He said that the audience was real thick and had no idea what was going on.
Howard asked Arsenio why he didn't own a network and then the audience goes crazy cheering for him as if they thought that he would own one some day.
Howard recapped what they had gone over so far and then got back to the tape. He played more of Arsenio asking him questions that he had written for him. The audience booed at one of the questions. Arsenio blamed that on Howard since he had written the question.
Howard said that Arsenio told him during the break that it was good stuff. He said that they went to a break and Arsenio was going nuts trying to find out what he was supposed to do with him. They came back from break Arsenio mentioned they had Marsha Warfield coming on the show. Howard said he didn't know who she was and the audience seemed offended by that. So did Arsenio. He asked Howard if he even had a TV. Howard said that he does. then he said that he was going to joke that he doesn't steal TVs like him but he didn't want to get into racial stereotypes. He said that Arsenio was doing that himself so he didn't want to go there.
Howard mentioned Oprah's name at one point and got some applause. Then he went off on Phil Donahue and got some applause when he bad mouthed him. He said that the reactions were all kind of weird.
Howard said the crowd was really weird and he wasn't able to work anything. He played another clip where Arsenio asked him about Jessica Hahn and Howard defended her. Arsenio was throwing out a few other subjects for him to talk about but the interview was going nowhere.
Howard said that Peter Callabrese was telling him that he'd love Arsenio. He thought he was out of his mind. Howard played more of the interview and talked about how lame it was being interviewed by that guy. He kept saying that he seemed to be trying to be just like his buddy Eddie Murphy but he's really nothing like him. Howard stopped the tape and said he'd talk more about getting thrown out after the break.
Howard asked her how she was doing and said he didn't believe that it was her. She said that this has been 2 years in the making and she finally came in. She said that she had just gotten back from going all across the country in a bus.
Howard asked Whoopi how he was looking. She said that she expected a short, balding guy and didn't expect to see this tall white guy. She thought that he was oriental or something too.
Whoopi was in to promote the Cops and Robbers movie ''Fatal Beauty.'' Robin said that she saw the movie. She didn't say what she thought about it though. Whoopi said that it's good though.
Howard talked to Whoopi about the movie and how they cut out some of her stuff. She said that they cut out her love scene with Sam Elliot. She said that they show her waking up in bed with him but not the love scene. She told Howard what they had done and what was cut. Howard said that he'd do a love scene with her if he had the chance.
Whoopi said that she didn't know what Robin looked like and no one warned her that she was black. She said that was a huge surprise to her. She said that she hasn't seen a lot of black women in radio.
Howard talked to Whoopi about her family and mentioned that she's married to a white guy. She asked him about what went on over there at FOX so Howard got into that a little more. He said that he think that Rupert Murdoch gave up on his TV deal after the FCC fines came out against him. He said that he probably didn't want to deal with him after that so they dropped the show that they were going to do.
Howard said that he went on that Arsenio's show and brought up Joan Rivers' husband's name and that ended up getting edited out of the West Coast airing of the show. They spent a minute talking about that.
Howard and Whoopi were also talking about the photographers out there who chase them down to get pictures in the strangest places. Whoopi talked about having a woman follow her into a bathroom one time. Howard said that he and Fred followed Arnold Schwarzenegger into a bathroom one time and talked to him while he was taking a dump.
Howard talked about the shows they did out in Los Angeles and Whoopi was kind of upset they didn't call her while they were out there. Howard said that she could only stick around for a little while so he was going to take a break and get to some phone calls. He asked Whoopi where she's going after this show, Regis? She said that she doesn't do that one. Howard got upset when he mentioned that Regis' show is going national in syndication. He said he can't win and wonders when his show is going national.
After an edited out break Howard came back and talked to Whoopi about her cars since he was in the middle of a live commercial. Whoopi was talking about her old Porsches and why she doesn't like the newer cars. Howard finished up his commercial a short time later.
Howard got back to Whoopi and told Arsenio to eat his heart out. Whoopi had said that she didn't even know who that was earlier. Howard went to the phones a short time later and let some fans ask her some questions. One guy said that he saw her movies and liked what he had seen. He said that he wanted to know where she was from and how she came on the scene so fast. Howard ended up cutting the guy off after Whoopi said that she was from New York.
Howard let a few more people ask Whoopi some questions. They talked about her breasts a little bit and she was saying that she's losing the battle with her breasts to gravity.
Howard told Whoopi about how he and his wife aren't having all that much sex now. He said it's like once a month now even though they were having it almost every day in the beginning. He told Whoopi that she'll probably end up the same way eventually.
Howard said he saw that Dominic Barbara was there and figured that Jessica was there. Gary said that Dominic wanted to give a copy of Jessica's Playboy to Whoopi. Whoopi said that this doesn't make things easy for her case.
Howard talked to Whoopi about her fear of flying and how she had come out to New York on a bus. She and Howard both have a fear of flying but Howard said that he will fly if he has to. He said that he always thinks that he's going to die flying somewhere but things worked out going out to L.A.
Howard told Whoopi that he's looking to get a nose job but she told him not to do it or she'll come and smack his face down. Howard started to wrap up with Whoopi but she asked about the FCC problems he's had. He said he really doesn't care about anything anymore and he just wants to be taken off the air. He ended the interview a short time later and went to break.
Gary said that Dominic Barbara asked Whoopi if she wanted to be in Playboy when she was leaving. He said that Whoopi responded with an ''F-no'' and said that she didn't want to do that.
Dominic Barbara came in a short time later. Howard had Jessica Hahn on the phone after that. He said that this was a special thing that Dominic had arranged. He told Dominic how great her pictures were in Playboy and asked if she has talked about being into him. Dominic said that she actually has. Robin said that's pretty good for Howard.
Howard picked up on Jessica and said that they hadn't spoken in a long time. She said that she really misses him. Howard said that he was reading what her mother said and told Jessica not to be hurt by that. He said that what she did was perfectly legitimate. He said that it doesn't lessen her credibility at all. He said that taking her top off is her choice and that's fine to do. He said that most parents are the biggest pain in the ass. He said that if they all listened to their parents they'd all be in trouble and never make it big. Jessica said that she loves her parents though and she has no problem with that.
Howard told her she looks gorgeous in this layout. She said that they mention Howard in the second part of that layout that's coming out. She talked about what she said about him and how that all came about.
Howard told Jessica to go out and try to make all the money she can now. He doesn't see a problem with it at all. Jessica said that she's tired of what people think about her and she's just not going to pay attention to it. Howard told Jessica that he thinks of her as one of his friends and Jessica agreed and said that he's one of her best friends.
Howard said that he heard that Jessica was going on all of these talk shows like Phil Donahue's. He said that he doesn't want her breaking down and crying on that show and giving him that kind of thing. She said that she wished that she could have seen him when he was out in L.A. Howard said that he had no way to get in touch with her when he was out there.
Howard asked Jessica what she's doing for a home now. She said that she's trying to make a decision about that. He told her to make sure she keeps some of this money that she's making now. He told her to try and live off of the interest she earns instead of spending the principal. He gave her some advice on what to invest in. She said that she can't wait to meet him. Howard said that Tuesday is going to be a great day when he finally does get to meet her.
Howard and Robin talked to Jessica about how much they like her and how down to earth she seems to be. Robin said that she sees a girl next door type of look when she sees those pictures of her. Howard said that he saw stains on those pictures when he was looking at them.
Howard said that Jessica sounds like she's gotten a little more happy over the time he's known her. He said that she doesn't sound as sad as she used to. She said that she is happier now that she's done with testifying in the case. She said that it's such a relief to get the story out there and let them know what really happened.
Dominic said that they have a lot of offers to do advertising and stuff like that around the world. He said they have offers from Japan and other countries as well. Howard said that he's glad that they met and that he got a hold of her when he did.
Jessica is now out in Los Angeles and said that she met Hugh Hefner and he's a very nice man. Howard talked to her about that stuff a little bit.
Howard said he heard that he was going to be on A Current Affair with Jessica. Dominic said that they want Howard and Jessica to do an interview. Howard said that he'll do it if she wants him to. He's worried about her and he wants to do what he can to make her feel safe. She said that this whole thing has helped her feel better about herself.
Howard said that Dominic had some notes about Jessica so he asked about something that he had written down. They ended up talking about her going down to South Carolina and how well she was treated even though she expected the worst.
Dominic said that they're going around to a bunch of shows doing a promotional tour for Playboy. Jessica said she's not sure what she's going to do after that. She said she's still trying to figure all of that out.
Howard talked a little bit about his Arsenio Hall show appearance and how he was thrown out of the place toward the end of the show. He said that they asked him to leave the building when he was about to go finish the show with the guy.
Howard said that he likes this new Jessica Hahn who sounds happy now. She said that she really missed Howard awhile she was in hiding and she really wanted to talk to him. She said that she'll be in town on Tuesday and they'll get together then. Howard wrapped up with her a short time later and said that he'll meet the two of them (breasts) on Tuesday. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard and Robin talked about how the Cosby Show isn't all that funny anymore. Howard said that Cosby hasn't been that funny ever. He said that he's got one act and he just keeps doing it.
Robin read some other various news stories. She had one story about a guy who broke into the Mayor's mansion there in New York City. She read through that and said that Bob Fosse had died. She said that Lorne Green had passed away when they went away last week too.
Robin read through a few more various stories while Howard and the guys had some fun goofing around and joking about the stories.
Howard did a live commercial during the news and ended up talking about Jessica Hahn a little more during that. Howard did a recap of what had gone on during the show today after the commercial. They talked a little bit about Whoopi's appearance. Howard asked Robin what she thought of her movie for real. She said that it's going to get the same kind of reception that all of her movies get. She said that the critics are going to pick it apart but the movie was fun to watch. She said that it's a fantasy movie. Howard said that the hug Robin got from Whoopi really worked wonders.
Robin went through some more news and then Howard said that he had to go to break. He went to commercial and heard a promo for some tickets to an Eddie Murphy show the station was giving away. He asked Gary if they had any to give away. Gary said that he wasn't sure if they were going to get any or not. The guys spent a few minutes talking about Eddie's comedy act and how he had been up at Rascal's comedy club working on some new material recently.
Howard said that he had a lot of clips to play but he might have to wait until Monday to get to that stuff. Howard said that he had a clip of Marsha Warfield talking about him on The Late Show. He said that it was like doing a little war over there when he was on.
Howard had Jimmy Fink come in while he was playing the clips of Marsha Warfield. Howard said that he had asked who she was when he was on Arsenio's show. She then came out and asked who Howard Stern was. Howard played the audio and goofed on the two of them.
Howard said he heard that one of the guys there thought that Arsenio was funny on that show. He called Al in and asked him what he was thinking. Al said that he didn't think he was all that funny. Howard asked him about some of the stuff that was going on with the show like the hooting that the crowd was doing.
Howard spent a few minutes with Al and then got in some plugs for the band Pig Vomit. He said that they really deserve a record contract. Gary said that they did have some interest from Atlantic Records.
Howard asked Jimmy what he had coming up on his Cafe show. Jimmy talked about some of the stuff they had coming up for this weekend but Robin had some other stuff to talk about. She said that she was reading a memo about that Cafe show and how they wanted them to mention it so it sounded spontaneous on the air.
Howard went through some of the songs that they wanted Jimmy to play today. He was going to help him start off his show by playing one of the songs. He had to have the guys help him dig out the album so he could play the song. He played some Joe Walsh as they were ending the show. They were done around 9:35am (Master Tape Theatre time).
Robin mentioned that they have a winter storm warning for the day. Howard said that winter was coming along so that wasn't a surprise. Robin said they say they could have an inch or more. Robin said they had 5 inches in parts of New Jersey. Howard joked about how the guy they had in the studio the day before had less than 5 inches. He said that male stripper had like one inch in his pants. They spent a minute talking about that guy's inch and Howard was thinking that he has like 3 inches.
Robin was saying that they might be wrong about the size. She was showing them what 3 inches was and Howard said that he dos that with his wife to make her think that he's like 7 inches long. Robin said she thinks that the guys looked at that male stripper until he shrunk.
Howard went to the phones to find out if anyone saw Letterman the night before. The first caller said he did see it. He didn't have tape but he gave Howard a quick rundown of what he had seen. He explained what he saw but Howard wasn't sure he was getting it right. He had to figure out what the guy was saying. Robin and Howard tried to get it right but they were confused.
The caller said that Snyder didn't say all that much about Howard. He said Dave mentioned Howard but it was a quick mention. Gary came in so Howard asked him if he was going to become a regular on the show because he had his own mic and headphones. Howard also didn't like the voice Gary was putting on for the air. He goofed on Gary about that and did an impression of this low monotone that he was doing. Gary said he wasn't doing anything different. Howard said he's like Gary Mello'Bate.
Howard and the caller spent some more time talking about Tom Snyder and Letterman. Howard said that no one would even know about his show if Saturday Night Live hadn't done a parody of it.
Howard spent a little more time talking to the caller even though he wasn't saying all that much. Howard was in the middle of talking to the guy when an audio clip started playing. Fred said it was something he hit with his knee.
Howard said that he has to applaud the people at Members Only for donating their profits to help drug babies. Howard said he wishes he had stock in that company.
Howard kept asking the caller questions but the guy didn't have much to say so Howard said he wanted to punch him in the face.
Robin said they have stamps for AIDS out now. Howard said ''don't lick those stamps.'' Robin said that's not right. Robin said he thought that it might be kind of self serving for Members Only to do something like that but whatever. He said that would be pretty decent of them to do what they're doing. Howard said he's very impressed with them.
Howard said he has an announcement to make about a charity he's involved with. He said he would talk about that after a break. He said he just thought it up last night. He said that Robin may even have an announcement to make when he brings that up.
The caller asked if Howard had seen his buddy Susan Berserkawitz on the Joe Franklin show. Howard didn't see that either. The caller said that she was talking about working with Howard and Howard isn't what he appears to be on the radio. Howard said he is a sweetheart at home but how would Susan know? He said that if his wife was on there that would be one thing. He said that Susan doesn't know him.
Howard said that Sam Kinison is coming in and that should be great. The caller said he likes when Richard Simmons is on the show. Howard said that's not right to say that when they have Sam coming in. The caller called himself an imbecile.
Scott said that this wasn't his first choice of jobs. He wanted to work in a recording studio or something. Howard said that's what his father did. Howard said that Scott would have to beg for work if he was doing something like that. Howard said Scott doesn't even know music. Scott said he played drums so he does know music.
Howard said that if Scott worked in a music studio he'd lose all of that hair. All of that ''new hair growth'' that he has on his head.
Scott said he actually did work in a music studio and ended up leaving to get paid better in radio. Scott said he thought it would work out better and he thinks he's making a decent living now. Scott said he doesn't complain about that.
Howard mentioned that their program director has gotten a lot better looking. He said he's not sure what she's doing but she's looking really good. Scott agreed. He said she does look great.
Howard said Scott is going to go into business for himself and go into a disco business. Howard said Scott was wondering what to charge though. They figured he'd know all of that stuff. Howard and Robin said that he should know how to get kids going at parties like that.
Robin told Scott he has to play games and stuff at the kid's parties. Howard asked Scott what kind of stuff he plays. Scott told Howard about some of the music he plays and how you're safe with the top 20 songs. Robin said he has to do something to relate to the kids. Howard said he thinks he has to wear his wig.
Howard said they were going to chip in $500 each and then Scott would give them half of the receipts to pay them back. Howard said that they might have to take that money and give it to someone to invest. They mentioned some guy Wayne Root during that discussion.
Howard said they're going to give Scott the 500 and they'll let him keep 50 percent. Scott said that they'll get back their money twice over no problem.
Howard said he'll donate his profits to charity. He said he will donate to the PBA. He said he wants to help police officers who have been shot in the line of duty. Gary said that's the orphan's and widows fund. Howard said he wants the cops to treat him well when he gets pulled over from now on. He said he's dead serious about this too.
Howard said after he gets his 500 bucks back, any profits he gets from this business Scott is stating will go to that PBA fund. He said that he hopes the cops hear this so they know to treat him well when he gets pulled over. Howard said he's telling the truth about this.
Howard said he can't believe that someone gave him a speeding ticket. He said he wants the cops to tell that cop about this donation he's going to make and hopes he finds out about it.
Howard asked Robin about who she donates to. Robins said she has given some stuff to the Salvation Army. Howard said that she shouldn't give to them.
Howard asked Scott how much he thinks that he's going to make on this business. Scott said it could be in the thousands. He said he needs to find clients first though.
Howard said that if he ever gets another ticket he will be shocked. Howard said he shouldn't have to prove that he's a friend to the cops in this community. Robin said she hopes they take it to heart. Howard said he hopes they treat everyone on the show better from now on.
Howard said he has decided that the cops are good people and he wants to help out their families. Howard said he feels good about donating to the PBA.
Howard said he'd like to be given a break and not get a ticket for doing 55 in a 40 again. He said it's only 15 over the limit.
Howard moved on to talk about how Sam Kinison was on his way in. He said he should be there in a short time. Howard said he wants to see Robin because he has the hots for her. Howard said he likes to caress her. Robin said that she wasn't able to stop him from doing that. She said the guys just stood around and watched as Sam came on to her. She said that she can't fight the guy herself. Howard said he thinks that she's a Sam slammer.
Howard asked the guys if they wanted to do anything with their money like he's doing. Gary came in and said that he thinks what he's doing is great. He wasn't announcing that he was going to donate his money.
Jackie said he doesn't think he's got the same financial status as Howard does. He said he knows that when he sees Howard's limo pass him every morning. Howard said he thinks Jackie is doing just fine and he could have a limo just like him. Howard said Jackie sits and counts his money every day and it makes him sick.
Howard said Jackie collects like 10 grand from his comedy show appearances. He said he collects it in cash too. Howard said he wishes he had a cash business like that.
Howard told Jackie he could have a limo. He could probably have 12 of them. Howard said he could stop selling the pot and drinking the booze and use that money for a limo. Howard said he really doesn't like Jackie counting his money.
Gary came in again and said he loves it when Howard talks about Jackie. He said that the jokes have to end about his teeth though. He said that he's getting them fixed this week and they won't be doing that anymore. Howard asked if he's going to figure out why he has bad breath. Gary said he's having all of his caps redone so it should be fine and money is no object at this point.
Howard went off on Jackie some more about counting his money. He told Gary and Jackie to both kiss his feet. Howard said Fred has class and keeps his mouth shut.
Howard said he likes to remind everyone how he's helped them out with this show. He said that he has to remind them about that once in a while.
Howard said Jackie and Scott should work together on this business. Jackie asked that they not make him work with Scott for any reason.
Howard said he had to take a break and get to some news. Gary said that Sam would be a little late. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that he wanted to just make money and do something. He said that his father thought he was nuts to want to do something like that. Howard said that Pat Sajack was able to do it though. Howard said that guy wants to get out of that and do a talk show now though.
Howard said he's glad he didn't waste 20 years in nursing school like Robin did. She ended up in radio after doing the nurse thing. Robin said she never wanted to be a nurse. She said she just wanted to get a job. Robin said when she was a child she wanted to be a brain surgeon. She said she was in love with Ben Casey as a kid.
Howard said Scott wanted to grow up to be anyone but Scott. He said that the guy is 40 years old and he's staring a disco business. Howard said that's crazy.
Howard said Sam Kinison should be there soon. He said they have a pretty full show today. He asked Robin what she had in the news.
Robin read some stories about things like
Howard asked Sam what he's up to. Sam said he's got some time off right now. He said he has too much time on his hands because he can stay home and use a Tide box full of coke. He said he just wanted to make it to Tuesday over the weekend. He said it was lucky he made it to Wednesday. Howard said he was worried about Sam.
Robin said that being able to use cocaine is God's way of letting you know that you have too much money. Sam said that it's hard to stop when you're on top and it makes it easy to make friends too. Robin said she has friends who still dabble in it too. She said that they have been with Sam and partied with him and they've told her what it's like. That makes her worry about him.
Howard said Sam is so talented that it comes easy to him and he abuses himself. Sam said he doesn't want the kids to hear this and do that kind of stuff. Howard asked Sam why he doesn't have an ear ring yet. Sam said he can't scar his body like that.
Sam told the guys about how he was with a couple of women who are sisters. He told Howard that he has to come out to L.A. with him and see what's going on over there. Howard said that he's only had one woman at a time in his whole ''sexual career.'' Howard said he thinks that career is over though.
Howard asked Sam if he saw him on Letterman the other night. Sam said he didn't see it. Howard asked if he likes to do that show. Sam said he doesn't have anything to promote so he doesn't go on.
After an edited out break Howard came back with Sam and talked to him about a movie he was working on. Howard asked if they were going to be in it. Sam said ''sure'' to him.
Howard asked Sam about the crucifix he had on and found out the girl he was with gave it to him. Sam told Howard about how he stole this chick away from some dude and he has to be hating that. Sam said he's into that thing where he wants women to pursue him. He said he's worked hard enough going after women and now it's time to give.
Howard told Sam about this FOX TV deal he had and how Rupert Murdoch got nervous about the FCC thing and didn't let it happen. Sam didn't even know about the TV deal.
Howard asked Sam about the money he had on him. Sam had a wad of about 2 grand in his pocket. Sam said he has a new driver's license now. He said he didn't have one for 3 years. Sam said he has a Corvette that he's been driving around. It's a 1986 Vette and he'd like to find a Mercedes to buy too.
Sam told Howard about how he's renting a house and how dumb that is. Robin couldn't believe he was renting. Howard said he has to get out on the road and get an act so he can make that kind of money. Sam told him to go for it.
Howard said they had a few more news stories to go through so he wanted to do that while he was there. Howard said they have a bunch of stuff to talk about. Howard told him about some of the stories they already went over too.
Robin brought up Oprah Winfrey and Sam quickly made the sound of a cow mooing. Robin told him he can't do that. Sam apologized.
Robin read some more news stories about things like Oprah having the families of the Challenger disaster on her show.
During the news Sam mentioned he thinks that Bobcat Goldthwait rips him off. He went off on Bobcat but Robin said that Bobcat claims that Sam ripped him off. Sam went off on Whoopi Goldberg too. He said he would never do any of that Comic Relief thing either. He said that he wants to know where the money is going from that event.
Robin read some more news about the Oprah thing she started before. Sam and Howard were having fun goofing around about other stuff in the middle of that story. Howard said that Oprah doesn't go far enough with her show. He said that they should take tape of that disaster and just run it in revers so they have a good outcome.
Robin read a few more stories and had some Kennedy news. Howard made a joke about Kennedy smelling someone's hand that had Sam cracking up.
Howard said Sam is just like Belushi. He said he lives life to the fullest. Howard said Sam still looks healthy even though he abuses himself. Sam said he has tried but he can't help the way he looks. Robin said they have heard weird stories about him before. Howard told Robin that was just Sam's agent blowing them off. They had to go to break a short time later.
After the break Howard came back and talked to Sam about the movie he's doing. Sam said he was working on ''Scrooged'' with Bill Murray. Howard said that Bill avoids his show. Sam said he's kind of a recluse.
Howard showed Sam about the ear ring he had on and said that it's a Pirate's hoop. Sam said he might have to go out and get one. They also talked about Sam's Corvette and how that's like an extension of a man's penis.
Howard told Sam that it's good he doesn't have a mother like he does because she didn't it when he bought a Corvette. He said she went off on him about having a family and how he needed something with more than 2 seats.
Howard asked Sam if his mother is still alive. Sam said she is. Howard asked if his father is still alive. Sam said he had bleeding ulcers and died. Sam said that it may have been for the best for him.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin said that Jackie Vernon had died. Sam asked if he died of a lack of work. Robin said the guy was only 63 years old. Sam said that Jackie would have wanted them to make fun of him.
Robin explained who Jackie Vernon was and how he played the voice of Frosty the Snowman on the animated TV show. Robin said he was in some movies as well.
Robin read a final story about Howdy Doody turning 40. That led to Howard talking about having Waylon Flowers and Madam on the show and what was going on with that. Howard said that the guy was putting Madam up to the mic to talk like it could be heard.
Howard said that Sam has been hanging out with Rodney Dangerfield lately and he found out that Rodney walked off the set of ''Caddyshack 2'' and now he's being sued for like $10 million. Sam said that Rodney didn't want to do the movie and it wasn't funny to him. He said he must have signed something though because he's got that lawsuit. Sam said he had signed to do it too but he wouldn't want to be in it without Rodney in it. Sam said that was something he'd have to talk to him off the air about though.
Howard said Sam had a big thing to announce but they had to take a break first. After the edited out break Howard came back and said he just met Sam's brother. Howard asked if he's working for him now. Sam said his brother is a personal manager for him. Howard asked how much he secretly hates him. Sam said his brother loves him.
Howard asked Sam if he could make the big announcement for him. Sam told him to go ahead and do it. Howard said that last year they were at the Felt Forum doing a show. This coming New Year's Eve Sam is going to be doing a show there. Howard joked that his opening act will be Bob Goldthwait. Sam said that his booking agent makes the same kind of money Bobcat makes. Howard asked Sam who else is going to be there. Sam said he had guys like Alan Steven, Steve Kravitz, Richard Belzer and Carl LaBove.
Howard said he and Sam will have to hook up that night. Sam said that he'll bring Malika and her 16 year old sister with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they're going to show Howard's appearance on Arsenio's show as a replay. Howard said he doesn't get why they're showing that. He said they kicked him out of the building that day and now they're replaying the appearance. Robin read the paper and said that it wasn't listed in there.
Howard and Sam talked about their show the year before and how well that went. Howard said that they had a great show. Howard asked the caller if he had anything else to talk about. The caller asked if he had any free tickets to give away. Sam asked if he had ever wanted to do physical harm to a woman who had done something wrong to him. The guy said he had and it was a woman who went off with another guy. Sam said that he's not the only one.
Howard said he hasn't had sex with a different woman in 12 years. Sam said that could change at the Felt Forum show. the caller told Sam to give him the 16 year old. Howard said that he's not going to jail over that.
The caller asked what Robin looks like. He asked for her to send a picture. Robin said she wasn't going to do that. Howard wanted to hang up on the guy and pretend he never had that call. The guy said he was on the phone for five minutes and now he's no good. Howard hung up on him.
After an edited out break Howard came back and talked about the song ''Oh Yeah'' that they played in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Howard and Sam said they had only heard it in two movies and the first was Ferris Bueller's Day Off. That led to them talking about Matthew Broderick's car accident and how they called Matthew after the accident and played car crashing sound effects. Sam said that's cruel. Howard said it was pretty funny.
Howard said they figured that Matthew killed someone with his car in that accident. Howard thought it was a known fact that he was on the wrong side of the road but Robin said that wasn't the case.
Robin asked Sam about how he works when he's coming up with a new act. Sam said he's not responsible enough to write it down so he just keeps it in his head. He said that the stuff is just so good that it stays in his head.
Robin said that people are saying that Barry Manilow is making a comeback from what she's been reading. Howard said that he'll have a comeback if he writes another hit song. Howard doesn't see that happening though.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what's up with the dude on Hollywood Squares. He was talking about Jm J Bullock. Howard didn't know much about him. Sam said that he used to be on that show with Ted Knight. The caller also asked about Shadoe Stevens. Howard said that guy must have a big set of balls on him to have such a deep voice.
The caller also asked about the story Sam told about the Zookeeper down in Philly since Sam had tried to do that show. Sam said that guy didn't want him on his show.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he wants to be at the New Year's Eve show. Sam told the guy to come because he's going to get Howard blasted there. Sam said he wants to see the genius of Howard come out at the show. Howard said he turns into a woman when he drinks. Sam said maybe that's what happened to Jm J Bullock and he wasn't able to turn back. They talked about him for a minute and said they really don't know what his sexual proclivity is.
Howard said he had to take a break and then they could do some fun stuff. Howard said he wanted to call some Veterinarians and congratulate them on Veteran's day as a goof. He said he had some other stuff they could do too. They went to break a short time later.
Sam asked if they should say hello to some people. Howard said that Ron Jeremy was calling in to talk to them. Howard said Ron has a flank stake between his legs. Howard said that Ron ruined his sex life after his wife saw him. Howard said he claimed that he had 12 inches with his wife and his wife said that his wife told him if he has 12 then Ron has like 87.
Howard said he had some of the Arsenio Hall tape of him talking about him. Howard said as long as they're talking about dicks then they'll talk about him. Howard said he went on Arsenio and they kicked him out because he said that FOX was responsible for Edgar Rosenberg's death. Howard said he didn't know Arsenio that well so he figured he'd just go on the show and do his thing.
Howard said that he said something about Arsenio's mother and he freaked out thinking he was talking crap about his mama. Howard said the audience was doing their ''hoo, hoo, hoo'' thing after that. Howard said he did that show as a goof and it was kind of a cool show business move.
Howard said he felt like he was being his straight man so he said that was bull excrement and took over. He said Arsenio then did a lame monologue about him a couple of nights later after he appeared on Letterman's show.
Howard played some of the audio of Arsenio to play. In the clip Arsenio was talking to his band guy. Arsenio went on to pretend like he didn't know who Howard Stern was. Howard said that Arsenio is a nobody and he's pretending he doesn't know him. Howard played the rest and Arsenio was saying that Howard is a slime burger and he's the reason women are lesbians. Sam said he needs to work harder on those lame words like ''slime burger.''
Howard played more of the audio and Arsenio's audience was doing their weird ''hoo, hoo, hoo'' chant. Howard said he's not sure why he's jealous of him. He said Arsenio just wants him to be his bitch. Sam said the guy just doesn't get him and why he has followers.
Howard said they should play his appearance on Arsenio's show so he knows the whole story. Sam said he needs to know the whole thing. Howard told Fred to get it ready and they'd play it during a break.
Howard gave Sam some more plugs for his Felt Forum show. They talked about how great it was going to be. Howard also told people not to follow what Sam does with drugs because he's got a lot of experience doing it. Sam said that's true and he's got many years under his belt.
Howard gave Sam some more plugs and went over some of the other projects he's working on. Howard said Sam can pick the right movies to do. He said he doesn't need to take just anything.
Howard and Sam talked about Dick Clark and the Beatles and how George Harrison was bad mouthing Dick. Howard told Sam the story that he read about that.
Howard asked Sam if he had anything to tell the audience before they had to get going. Sam said he wanted to call Ron Jeremy. They had his number to call him back.
Robin read some news before they had to end the show. She had some details about what people are doing now that AIDS is so prevalent. Sam was saying he never wears rubbers. Howard said he doesn't either since he's just with his wife. Sam said that it's insulting to use a condom with the woman. Howard said she'll think she's diseased if you use one. Howard said they're also like a buck a piece and that's a lot of money. Howard said there are some that you can use multiple times. He said they have instructions on how to clean them and roll them up in powder.
Robin read a few more news stories. Howard and Sam goofed around talking about those. Howard was also talking about calling up Sam's girlfriend or his ex to talk about how famous he's gotten. Sam said they could call Malika. Sam said he had this woman he went out with who set him up and put a gun in his luggage. He said it took him two years to get that cleared up because it was a federal offense.
Sam gave Howard a number for this woman Corey so Howard quickly called her. Howard asked her what it was like dating Sam. She said that they were both broke at the time. Howard told her that Sam just bought a $35,000 Corvette the other day. He also put a ton of money into his apartment even though he's renting it. Howard told Corey who Sam is hanging out with and how much money he's making.
Howard asked Corey if she ever thinks about the money. She said she really doesn't. She said she was lucky she got out of that relationship alive. Howard asked what happened. She said that Sam didn't do anything bad. Howard asked what it was. She said it was just one of those relationships where Sam was very demanding. Robin said it sounds like he's bad in a relationship and she doesn't get treated very well. Corey said she wouldn't use those words.
Howard asked Corey if Sam used her and then dumped her. Corey said he drove her crazy. She said that he wants to have every inches of your love and suck the life out of you. Howard said that's fine but if she had stuck with it then she would have had all of this money and she could have had a great life. Howard told her she gave all of that up.
Howard said Sam was saying that he wanted to satisfy her whole being. Howard said she wants her back now. He asked if she would take him back. Corey said that she thinks that she could still hang out with Sam even though they're just friends.
Corey told Howard that Sam spreads himself pretty thin. Howard said that sounds like his marriage. Corey said that Sam was doing things with other women though. Howard asked if he was a good lover. She didn't sound so positive about that. Sam said she actually taught him a lot. Howard said it sounds like Sam is good in bed.
Howard asked Corey what she does for a living. She said she's a script supervisor. Sam said he liked Corey but the gun in the suitcase wasn't cool. Corey said that was an accident. Sam told Howard that she looks like Natasha Kinsky with big breasts.
Howard thanked Corey for talking to them and wrapped up with her a short time later. Howard asked her if she had a request for a song to play as they were going out. She suggested ''Addicted to Love'' so Howard said he'd play it for her. Howard told Sam they had to end the show after that. They spent another minute talking and ended the show a short time later.