For the week of 09/18/2023 to 09/22/2023

• The Embarrassment Known As Lauren Boebert. 09/18/23. 7:00am
  Howard started the show taking a call from Mike in Maine who said there's big news about that Lauren Boebert and asked if he thought it was hot or not. Howard said she is a disgrace to this country but not because of that. He said she is hot. He said that she was getting groped by that guy in the Beetlejuice play. He said the play must be hotter than the movie. He said she was in a tight titty dress. He said this dude was playing with her titties and they were having a party. He said take away the politics and she is fun. He said she's a liar and said she wasn't vaping. He said she was vaping on video. He asked what that is. He said someone told him that she's a grandmother at 36. He said he's not sure if that's true or not. Fred said she did have to drop out of high school because she was pregnant.

  Howard said he's not sure what's going on in Colorado. He asked if they're just dumb out there. Robin said they were the first to legalize marijuana. Mike said she doesn't want you exposing your children to homosexuality.

  Howard said she's embarrassing. He said she's the annoying woman at a play. He said some pregnant woman was behind her and she asked Lauren to stop vaping. He said they had to escort her out of the play. Robin said she can't act appropriately anywhere.

  Howard asked how a woman like that wins an election. He said there are certain standards. He said you're caught lying like that and it should be ''goodbye!'' He said he has to admit that when he sees that clip he thinks that she must be fun to fuck. He said we need her in a strip club. Mike asked if those are real breasts. Howard said he's not sure. Mike said it's hard to tell if she was born with them or not. Howard said she's his kind of gal.

  Howard said this dude was rubbing her titty and she liked it. He said you think women don't like it. Robin said it doesn't mean she likes it. Howard said it looked like she was grabbing his dick too. Howard said he's not sure what that guy was doing but it looked like he was shaking her tits like a magic 8 ball. He said women don't like that.

  Robin said men treat you like an object and start twisting and turning. She said she's not sure what they're doing. Howard said that has to be the hottest heterosexual moment in a theater ever. He said she is hot.

  Mike said he has one more question. He said that he had friends who got hand jobs and stuff in the theater. He asked if he ever got anything like that. Howard said never. He said he didn't get a lot of sex when he was young. He said he's never even had a blumpkin.

• Obsessing About Paul Simon. 09/18/23. 7:10am
  Howard took a call from Bobo who said he has his top 5 questions for Paul Simon. Howard said he spent all weekend thinking about him. He said he has a list of songs that he wants to talk about. He said he spent most of the weekend thinking about Paul and that made him realize just how brilliant the guy is. He said they had a lot of really good songs from the start. He said you go through album by album and your head wants to explode. He said there are so many hits in there. He said he went fucking nuts.

  Howard said he needs 17 hours with the guy. He said he has to ask himself what he won't be asking about. He said the guy has so much history.

  Robin said this is what longevity brings you. Howard said they need someone with just a couple of hits. Howard said it's crazy.

  Howard had Bobo go through his questions. He asked him to get through them quickly. Bobo brought up the new album and that got Howard talking about the new album Paul has out (Seven Psalms). Howard spent a little time talking about the lyrics in the new album and how he'll be asking him about some of that. Howard said he was thinking about the people in Ukraine when he was listening to the new album.

  Bobo got to more questions and threw out some general questions that Howard was already going to ask. Howard cut him off early and let him go. Bobo said he has a good one. Howard told him to go ahead. Fred went into his Bobo impression and asked some goofy questions.

  Howard let Bobo go and said he was going through all of the different songs. Jon Hein had a list of the songs Howard wanted to talk about. Howard let it go and took another call.

  Howard took a call from a guy who lives in Colorado and said he can't stand Lauren Boebert either but she is hot. Howard said he's not sure what's going on in Colorado. He said his mother's friend moved out there and it was kind of like there were a lot of dummies out there. He said it's way more hip now. The caller said she makes them all look like dummies. He said that she does represent the people there but they're not all dummies out there.

  Howard said he has been to Colorado and it was a beautiful place. He said politically is seems like a lot of dummies though. He said he doesn't understand conservatives anymore. He said he used to consider himself one. He said they're in a whole other universe now.

  The caller said Memet is the biggest asshole to be on his show. He said the only other one who is an asshole is Jon Hein. He said he can't stand Jon. He said please put Benjy back on the Wrap Up Show. He said that's about all he wanted to say. He said stay on the air forever.

  Robin said Jon and Memet are the biggest assholes? Howard said he thought he was the biggest asshole himself. He said these guys are taking his place. Howard said he got a lot of fan mail about Memet. He said he'll get to that later.

  Howard said Paul Simon will be there on Wednesday. He went through some of his songs playing bits of them. He spent time talking about ''The Sound of Silence'' and how the album it was on wasn't a big hit but the one song was.

  Howard said there are so many great songs. He played a montage of Simon & Garfunkel songs and spent a little time talking about each one. Howard said he only sees like 10 songs up there. Jon said he's telling the guys to put them up. Howard said don't drive yourself crazy.

  Howard said he really wants to sit with Paul and just talk about each song. He said he thinks he'll have his guitar with him and he'll teach him how to write a hit song. He said maybe he'll collaborate with him on a song.

  Howard said talk about fucking up in life. He said Art Garfunkel formed a group with one of the greatest composers of all time. He said he can tap into the public's imagination. He said that some people can sing but can't write. He said Paul was able to do it all. He said if you're involved with that genius you can sit there and go along for the ride or annoy the fuck out of the guy and blow it. He said Garfunkel was busy making films. He said there's no reason he couldn't have had both careers. He said if he had just made his singing the priority. He said he met the guy when he was 7 and when they were in high school they had a hit record. He said imagine having that at 15. He said he could have gotten so much pussy at that age. Robin said he couldn't have been Garfunkel. Howard said he has the hair for it. He said it must have driven Paul crazy.

  Howard said they had a huge album out with Bridge over Troubled Water and he was writing the album by himself and Garfunkel was busy making movies. He said if he's Paul he'd be so pissed. He said he was just asking him to come in and sing on his songs. He said he was too busy with his work. He said Paul said okay and recorded them on his own.

  Howard played more of Paul's music. He was playing hit after hit. Howard said Art is out there picking his hole in some movie.

  Howard said Paul tells Art to go have fun pumping gas. He said in any case it'll be an honor to sit with Paul in the same room. Howard said his wife asked if he can believe he'll be doing that. Howard said he can't believe it.

  Howard said he's just a schmendrick and he gets to sit with the guy. He said he likes how Robin says ''smendrick.'' He said his wife does the same thing.

  Howard said there are very few geniuses in the world. He said if you're friends with one just sit there and work with the guy.

• The Business Of Music. 09/18/23. 7:30am
  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he used to think he's a genius but he should look into opening his own record label. He said he has found bands. He said he talked about Greta Van Fleet. Howard had to correct the way he pronounced Van. The caller said ''Von'' so Howard corrected him. Howard said he gets a kick out of that lead singer in the band. He said he has a pretty big penis and balls. He said you can see it in that leotard thing he wears. He said he can see the guy has something to brag about. He said he likes thrusting it and showing it. He said he likes the band and the musicianship. The guys put up a picture for Robin to see. Howard said he has never seen his face because he has his peen sticking out. He said the guy obviously sounds like Robert Plant. He said he has a really good voice. He said he kind of likes their songs too. He said he's not sure why it bothers him that he sounds like Robert Plant. He said so what. He said he is a fan of his outfits and his music. He said he thinks his last name is Kiszka. He said he likes that he came out as gay in June. He said good for him. Howard said it's a great time to get into the record business when so many albums are being sold. Howard let the caller go and thanked him for the call.

  Howard said things are changing so much in the music business and the radio business. He said he never thought he'd see WPLJ sold to a religious group. He said that's crazy.

  Howard said he's listening to the new Arnold Schwarzenegger book (Be Useful: Seven Tools for Life) and it's really good. He said everything he says in it is true. He said he talks about having success in your life. He said that it's very profound what he says. Howard went through what Arnold talks about in the book and how he sees success. He said that you have to work hard and work through your failures.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked if his energy is going to be different with Paul Simon. Howard said he doesn't know. He said it's a good question. He said the problem with him is that he has so many questions about his career he's not sure what to eliminate. He said that there are so many aspects to his life. He said there are so many things to talk to the guy about. He said this guy is such a big deal that he has 50 questions just to start the interview with. Jon said they have six pages of questions. He said they need the whole day. He said the song writing takes you to everything else. Jon went through some of the things they can get into.

  Howard said he wrote a song about it. He said it's ''50 Ways to Interview Paul Simon.'' He said he's sure that whatever they get through will be an honor. Robin said he can't take his high energy self into an interview with someone who needs to be coaxed into it. Howard said he's going to take Oxycodone before it to get into it. He said he'll be calm.

  Howard took a call from a woman who said she has a question about WPLJ. She asked if the station came first or the song. Howard said he wants to say the radio station. She thanked him for that. Howard said he hopes he's not wrong. He said he thinks the call letters were Peace, Love and Joy. He said there was the song and he's not sure what that was. Gary wasn't even sure when he was asked about it. Howard said Hank the Dwarf would have known. He said he knew it all.

  Howard said radio was his life. He said he always wanted to be on the radio. He said Arnold says that you should dream what your dream was. He said he's right. He said Arnold says that you'll meet so many negative people.

  Robin read that the song WPLJ came first. She said the station renamed itself after the owner saw the letters from that song. Howard said he gave the wrong answer to that woman.

  Howard talked more about Arnold and what he talks about in his new book. He said go after your dream. He said your dream can be just have kids and be a great parent. He said that might be your dream. He said go after whatever your dream is.

  Robin said that Paul Simon is able to write not just one hit song but 10 billion. She said he changes his style.

  Howard wondered how good the Beetlejuice play was that Lauren Boebert was at. Robin said they say it's a zany play. She said it gets good reviews. Howard said when she's sitting there vaping and putting her hand in his lap and all of that it is pretty hot. Robin said she's not sure if the singing would turn him off. Howard said that wouldn't stop him. He said nothing bothers him when he's erect. He said it blocks out bad singing and everything. He said Robin has seen it.

• Steve Miller Special And Fan Feedback. 09/18/23. 7:50am
  Howard said he has to compliment Steve Miller. He said they ran a special on Friday night. He said he had to call Steve to thank him. He said that he had to call his wife actually. He said Steve doesn't have a phone. He said he's thinking about doing that. He said he'd annoy the shit out of her by doing that.

  Howard said Steve is the one with the phone. He said Beth would kill him if he did that to her. He said she's always on her phone. He said he'd enjoy that though.

  Howard said he has a friend who refused to get a phone for the longest time. He said he refused to buy an iPhone because he doesn't like the culture of making them not last that long. He said that's fine and admirable but it's a pain in the ass when he wants to get a hold of him.

  Robin said she was in a phone store when a woman came in with a flip phone and the young people were all looking at it like it was an antique.

  Howard said the Steve Miller special was really good. He said songs change over time. He played some clips from the special where Steve was talking about how songs can evolve. Steve talked about Jet Airliner changing. He went into his acoustic version of the song.

  Howard said the way he plays is so great. He said you can hear that special on the SiriusXM app. He said it's fun to watch him play. He said they have figured out how to get that on video. He said their director is really good.

  Howard said a lot of people wrote in about that. He said he has to read through some of that. He had a bunch of positive words about the special. He said it goes on and on.

  Howard said Steve talked about writing ''Space Cowboy'' and how he didn't really like it very much. Howard played a clip of Steve talking about that and then breaking into the song.

  Howard said Steve said that no one believed that The Joker would be a hit. He said people are still listening to it 50 years later.

  Howard said he has to talk about how he got more love for the Adam Duritz cover of Metamucil Man. He said that he had to call Adam and thank him for doing that. He said that he thought that he must take it because he sang about it in such a great way. He said Adam said he does love Metamucil. Howard read through some feedback he got about that song.

  Howard said they played the song on The Spectrum channel there. He said they played it all weekend. Howard played a clip of them talking the song up on that channel. Howard laughed when he heard it being played. He cut it off and said you get it.

  Howard said he loves that line ''Fiber is my plan. I'm a Metamucil Man.'' He said no one asks him to help write songs. He recited some of the other lyrics in that song. He had some about hot fiber in his can and things like that.

  Howard played more of the Adam Duritz cover. Howard liked the line about having perfection in his bowl. Howard and Robin liked some of the other lines and the way Adam sang them.

  Howard said he's sort of proud of that song. He thanked Mark at The Spectrum for including that song. He said Adam is on tour and this is his favorite tour of all time. He said Adam is feeling really good about what they're doing. He said they tour a lot. Robin said some guys love the road. She said some want to be out there all the time. Howard said maybe in your 20s it's great. He said that's when you want to be getting laid a lot and partying a lot.

  Howard said he can't imagine getting older and being on the road. He said that can't be easy. He said that Billy Joel will do a show and fly home at night. He said when you get older you don't want to be away from your home. He said a lot of times female singers hate being on the road.

  Robin said there's a series on HBO about Magic Johnson and he talked about having six women in his bed at times. She said he was saying that women have a lot of fantasies and he was explaining it like that.

  Howard said there's a guy on YouTube who started using Metamucil because of the show. He said the guy talks about how he's woke now so he's not a fan anymore. He said he kind of takes that as a compliment. He said the opposite of woke is being asleep and if woke means that he can't get behind Trump or he supports Transgender people or he supports the vaccine then call him woke.

  Howard said he went over and got himself the new vaccine for COVID over the weekend. He said this country is so great. He said that he had to pay for the vaccine actually. He said his insurance is the shittiest ever apparently. He said it was 300 bucks for him and Beth. He said the rest of you won't have to pay. Robin said she gets it done and they just ask if her insurance has changed and she gets her shot.

  Howard said he got here super early and got his shot. He said god bless the United States. He said he gets every vaccine. He said he is woke and he loves it. He said he wants to be awake and read legitimate news sources. He said he believes the election was not rigged.

  Robin said that Trump gave a statement about the election being fake and it was just because he felt that way. He said he didn't trust his own lawyers. She said Trump just decided that the election was rigged.

  Howard said he's not sure when it became uncool to be woke. He said he was talking to someone he has known for a long time and they were saying that ''they're shoving transgender down our throats'' and he's wondering where that's happening. He said the guy doesn't even know any trans people. He said that he thinks that the media is shoving it down our throats. Robin said it's like complaining about people trying to take Christmas away. No one is trying to take it away from you in this Christian country.

  Howard said the other thing is people being against Dr. Fauci. He said he doesn't get that either.

  Howard said this is the guy talking about him being woke. He played the clip of the guy talking about that and using Metamucil. Howard said he's not sure what this woke thing is. He said maybe it's not sucking Trump's ass. He said he wanted him to be part of his team in the beginning. He said he could have had the freedom medal if he had gone along with that. He said that was funny when Trump gave Rush Limbaugh the medal of freedom. He said that he could have had one of those around his neck. Howard said some dudes walk around with their medals. He said he may have done that. He said he would have booked himself on shows and walked around with it.

  Howard took a call from a woman who said that Howard has been woke all these years and fuck those people who say that stuff.

  Howard played more of the YouTube guy talking about Metamucil and Howard's song. He said he has started using the crackers and they get the job done. He said he highly recommends them. Howard said the guy is called Ed Collects on YouTube.

  Howard said that woke thing doesn't make sense. He said it must be because he has common sense.

• Life And Death. 09/18/23. 8:15am
  Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to talk to him about this theory on death. He said it freaks him out. He said he was talking to his therapist about it and she said she doesn't know about it but they did an experiment where each person lost 1 ounce when they died. Howard said he can give him a whole theory about being reincarnated or whatever. He said here's the science of it. He said he hates to break his heart but as soon as your brain dies, you die. He said that's it. He said eternity is never existing again. He said you never existed before this either.

  The caller asked if that worries him. Howard said of course it does. He said that's why he wonders why people aren't panicking. Howard told the caller, Kevin, that he will not exist after this life. Kevin said that someone built this incredible machine though. Howard said this whole thing is a freak thing. He said the universe is endless. He said there is no end or beginning. He said the odds of all of this happening is a catrillion to one. He said there is no reason for it. He said just as we start to understand it it's all going to be ripped away from us. Kevin said he's killing him. Howard said go out and live your life and enjoy it because it can end at any moment.

  Howard said he wants to live forever and he's trying to live as long as he can. He said he wishes he was a vampire so he could live on. He said he'd do that if he could. He said he'd love to be a vampire.

  Howard said they say that AI may figure out how to live forever. Robin said we'd overrun the planet if that were the case. Howard said unfortunately we won't be around for that. He said that medical science is keeping us alive longer than we used to live. He said these people who aren't woke don't realize that.

  Kevin said that growing up catholic kept him comfortable thinking that there is something after death. Howard said he hopes it's true there is something there after you die. He said he wants to be wrong. He said he'd like to have reincarnation. He said he'd like to think that he can hang out with God on a cloud somewhere. He said that caveman used to see the sun come up and they had no idea what that was. He said someone along the line figured out how to calm people down to be civilized and came up with religion. He said that's how they stopped the chaos.

  Kevin asked Howard if he really thinks that it's like having the power switch pulled when you die. Howard said of course he does. Robin said Jimmy Carter and his wife have been married for 70 years or something and they're still holding hands as they're falling apart. Robin said they're coming to the end and their grandson is sending out messages about them.

  Howard said he and his wife have dinner and he realizes that's what life is about. He said he calls his daughter and talks to her about things. He said that all of this dying stuff upsets him. He said it feels so cruel. He said we spend so long trying to figure things out and then it comes to an end. Robin said when you do end up dying you're not enjoying yourself. Howard said he doesn't want to talk about this. He said he hopes he's wrong that there is nothing after this. He said he hopes he's wrong.

  Howard let Kevin go and told him to drop the subject. He said just try to live while you're dying. He said that was really upsetting.

• More Fan Feedback. 09/18/23. 8:30am
  Howard said people enjoyed the wall climbing thing they did with Gary, JD, Mike and Memet. He read through some feedback about that. He said one guy wrote in about how great Memet's ass was. He said he must be a gay guy. Robin said she got a good laugh about that when she saw the footage over the weekend.

  Howard read some feedback about the Vinyl party with Gary and Wolfie. He said he has a million things. Robin asked what they said about the vinyl party. Howard said they liked it. He said they liked hating it if you know what he means.

  Howard said they got feedback about Ozempic. He said he got feedback about Tan Mom for Senate.

  Howard had some audio of Tracy Morgan talking about using Ozempic and losing weight with that.

  Howard said people wrote in about the Mother show and the prank call they made to that using AI voices for the two hosts of the show. He played some of that call they played last week. He read through some feedback about that call. He had a sequel to the last call where Chris Wilding calls in with a new AI version of the two hosts, Mother and Tara. They had the AI saying that they can never die now that they are AI and ageless.

• Seducing A Boebert. 09/18/23. 8:40am
  Howard took a call from a woman, Jess, who said that she thinks she is woke as well and talked about how she thinks the Lauren Boebert thing was hot. Howard said that he wishes he could have done something like that when he was dragged out to plays as a kid. He said she sure seemed like a lot of fun. Jess said it's a turn on that she's such an idiot. She said that she thinks that she's such a moron. Howard said if you got her to your house she's probably into women. He said she'd probably let someone like this caller go down on her. Jess said she is engaged but she would have done stuff like that. She said some of the women she was with were homophobic. Howard asked how you get a woman like that. He asked how you seduce them. He said he's seen a lot of porn like that. Jess said that they're intrigued by the stories she would tell them and then it turns into a flirtation and then they send pictures or something. She said she thinks it was her thing before she settled down. She said it's almost easier than lesbians.

  Howard asked Jess if she had those women go down on her. She said that she didn't do that a lot. She said she would get straight women and just use her hands to get them off. She said it was some of the best sex she's ever had because it was a taboo kind of thing. She said the women usually freak out a couple of days later and become even more homophobic.

  Howard asked if you stop hearing from them after that. Jess said that she did it with women she worked with at times. She said they would come at her so hard. She said they would go around saying she was trying to convert them when that's not what really happened.

  Howard asked if she's super hot. Jess said she used to be. She said she gained some weight. Howard asked if she was a 10. She said she was. She said she had huge tits too. Howard asked if she could go around in a bikini in the neighborhood and all of that. She said she would. Howard asked who she looks like. Jess said she's not sure. She said some said Anne Hathaway. Howard said she is so fucking hot. Jess said she looks like Anne but if she gained 60 pounds. Howard said she has to get on Ozempic quick. He said she has to lose that weight. Jess said that she is so in love with her fiancee. She said she'll be skinny by her wedding. Howard asked what she's eating. She said she gets a lot of Door Dash. She said she will lose the weight for her wedding. Howard said she's Anne HathaWeighsTooMuch.

  Howard said he's going to think about this woman Jess. He said he wants her to lose that weight. He let Jess go a short time later.

  Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Fake Dr. Now who was giving Jess some advice for how to lose that weight.

• Rapaport Snitches On Gary Over Nothing. 09/18/23. 8:50am
  Howard took a call from Michael Rapaport who said that he's been so upset since last week. He said on Friday on the Wrap Up Show or Sternthology they did the biggest staff fuck ups ever. He said the staff was getting their stuff thrown in their face. He said that Baba Booey didn't accept his phone calls. He said that last week and today while Howard is talking Gary is posting on Instagram.

  Gary came in and said that they did Sal's biggest fuck up last week. He said every Monday they do a segment where they post at 8am and they talk about it later that day. He said everyone knows what's going on and Michael just has a bug up his ass about one thing and that's Gary.

  Howard said that seems like a reasonable thing. Michael said this is not just him. He said people are complaining about it. He said he's a voice of the people. Howard asked what he should do. Michael asked what he wants to do. Gary said they never explain what it is. He said it doesn't mention Sternthology.

  Howard said he has to talk about Michael defending Martin Short. He said there was an article written about Martin Short that was entitled... Michael said ''Why Are We Tolerating Martin Short'' or something like that. Howard said Marin Short is so funny. He said this article said he's never been funny. He said Martin Short has done so many great characters. He said Martin was on SCTV and it was one of the best TV shows ever. He said he was in a bunch of movies. He said he was on Saturday Night Live and he did so many great characters. He said he was one of the few reasons to watch Saturday Night Live at that time. He said he did Ed Grimley and so many others. He said take away all of that and then Google him on any talk show. He said the dude walks in on any talk show and he's the funniest guy there. He said this dude is so funny. He said The Three Amigos was another great film. He said he had to say something about it. He said this article was unfair. He said the guy called him exhausting, sweaty and unfunny. He said Michael defended him too.

  Michael said he worked with Martin on Only Murders in the Building and he never posted on social media during work. Howard let Michael go and moved on.

• OJ Simpson Talk And High School Coach Clip. 09/18/23. 9:00am
  Howard said OJ is at it again. He said he can't be the only one who is pissed off by this guy. He said that he was on some podcast. Howard got sidetracked by the idea of podcasts and ended up talking about radio careers and how anyone can have a show now. He said it's completely diminished what he does for a living. He said that anyone can have a show.

  Howard said he was talking to a woman about how she has a radio show and then she revealed it's a podcast.

  Howard said he knows people whose careers are basically over but then they get a podcast and they have something going on again.

  Howard got back to the OJ thing and did his impression of him talking about some of the things OJ has joked about before on Twitter. Howard made up things about OJ while doing the impression.

  Howard said there are these high school coaches who aren't pros but they end up yelling at the players. He said they should be talking to them but they lose their minds and think they're more important than they are or something. Robin said that they might think they're more important than they really are.

  Howard played a clip of a coach yelling at the players on a high school team. He played the clip and the guy was screaming at the kids to get their shit together or he'll blow their shit out. He was calling one kid a pussy ass bitch. Robin said that's totally outrageous. She said it's not even about football at that point.

  Howard said these guys all yell so much that they have no voice left. He said he can't even do that yelling. Robin asked what that kid is even supposed to do. Howard said he's not sure.

  Howard said this guy suspended himself over that. He played another clip of the guy. He said this guy is yelling at his mom and dad, not the kids. He said that's what he wanted to give to his own parents. He said he's being pop psychologist here. Howard played the clip of the coach talking about what happened and how he's suspending himself for the way he acted. He said he will seek mentorship for himself so he can be a better coach. The kid who got yelled at also made a speech about the coach taking responsibility.

  Howard said he wants to make an announcement. He said he's suspending himself for this week and he won't be on the radio. He said he'd like a nice vacation.

• ''JD's Celebrity Encounters'' Special. 09/18/23. 9:15am
  Howard said they're going to be running a JD special where they talk about the celebrity run ins that he has had with various people over the years. He said it's 15 years of JD. He said they call it JD's Celebrity Encounters and it's up on the app.

  Howard asked JD if he wants to say something about that. JD said he saw it and he didn't remember a lot of it. He said he forgot about meeting Verne Troyer in studio. He said he doesn't know how he forgot that. He said he forgot about coming in with Will Arnett too. He said he has no idea how he forgot about all of that. He said he remembers Khloe Kardashian and Jennifer Aniston. He said that Ryan Phillippe is memorable. He said that he's probably closest to him.

  Howard said Verne Troyer was very memorable but JD forgot about him. He said that he's friendly with Andy Richter too. JD said he is very funny. He said they do write back and forth sometimes.

  Howard said JD has DM'd with Paul Feig and Samantha Bee as well. JD said she was very nice. Howard asked if he has had any experiences where it didn't go well. JD said that Teen Mom girl, Farrah Abraham, wasn't such a great experience.

  Howard asked who he has liked being in touch with. JD said that David Spade was very nice. He said he was in a restaurant and he came over and said hello to him. He said it was very nice of him to do that. He said he can't think of anyone big timing him.

  Howard said it's 15 years of JD and celebrities. Robin said she didn't know it's been that long. JD said it's more acquaintances than friends. Howard said he hopes that Joe Buck is in that. JD said he didn't make the special. He said maybe another time. He said that he apologizes to the video team for leaving that out.

  Howard said Jason watched football with JD and said that JD does not sit down the whole game. They spent a little time talking about the Bengals. They also played Joe Buck doing the play by play of JD eating breakfast. Howard said that guy is really good at play by play. He said he can imagine him eating. He said just try to do play by play. He tried it on JD for a few seconds. Howard went to break after that.

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• More Death And Cocktober Talk. 09/18/23. 9:30am
  After the break they played a ''Wedding Talk with Ronnie Mund: First Dance'' bit and Everclear's ''Santa Monica''.

  Howard came back and talked up the song and said the best part of his career was when WNBC fired him and the whole station fell apart. He said fuck you WNBC. He said what a bunch of douchebags.

  Howard said this is a really good song. He said there are a lot of good songs. He said there's a lot more bad songs though. He let the song play for a bit. He said the lead singer in this band tried to kill himself by jumping off the Santa Monica pier. He said he's not sure what happened exactly. He said if he had died this song wouldn't exist. He said certain people die young and you may have missed out on something.

  Robin said she thinks about this Indian scientist who fought for attention from the British government and he ended up dying at the age of 39. She said he was desperate to get this stuff out and fought to do it and then he died at 39. She said it was really important that he get it out when he did. Howard said that's interesting too.

  Howard said there's an artist by the name of Richard Parkes Bonington he's a big fan of and he died at 27. He said he was so good.

  Howard said Jimi Hendrix died at 27 too. He said he thinks about what he could have done if he was around. He said that he wonders if he would have gone more into the jazzy stuff like he was getting into or not. He said you wonder. He said then you wonder about people you never got to hear from. He said we don't know what we missed out on.

  Robin said we don't capitalize on all of the potential around the world and what we're missing out on. Howard said she wonders about that and he wonders about Cocktober. He said that's coming up soon. He said they did some good stuff last year but they've been having meetings about it. He said Jason has some stuff.

  Howard had Jason come on to talk about what they're thinking about doing. Jason said that Richard and Chris want to do a horse jacking contest. Howard said he wants to put a stop to that. He said we shouldn't make horses get into this stuff. He said he's worried about that one.

  Chris said that Richard thinks that he'd be better at it because he worked on a farm but he thinks he'd be better because he's jerked off hung men. Howard said a horse doesn't see him as sexual. Richard said they put blinders on the horse.

  Howard asked Jason what else they have. Jason said they have a cock canoe thing Richard and Sal want to do. He said they'd put Mentos into Sal's cock pouch. They want to pour Diet Coke in there to make it erupt. Sal said he wants to see if they can put it in Richard's ass and do the same and then Richard would do the thing out of his penis. Howard said he thinks that's a possibility. Howard said he thinks it's funny to see Richard bent over with a Mentos in his ass and the Pepsi being poured in there.

  Howard asked what else they have. Jason said they have a ''The Price if Very Wrong'' where Richard and Sal would do a game where they earn money for getting further and further down each other's cocks. He said for every second they're willing to hold their mouth over a color the more money they get. Howard cut him off and said forget that one. Richard said that was not their idea. Howard said he's taking that one off the table.

  Howard asked what Super Balls is. Jason said that's where Sal and Richard would play Foosball where they'd use their nut sack to hit the ball. Howard said they'd use their balls to smack the foosball. Robin asked how that would work. Howard said he'd love to see a Ben Affleck and Matt Damon play that. Howard said how about Mick Jagger and Keith Richards playing that one. Jason said they had Eric Andre and Steve-O written down for that.

  Richard said maybe they can use their cocks because his balls may not hang low enough. Howard said that could work. Robin said she still can't see it happening. Howard said she'll see it.

  Howard asked what Cock-Tails is. Jason said that Richard would be blindfolded and Sal would pour a mixed drink into Richard's butt to see if he can figure out what it is. Howard said he's taking that off because he feels they've seen it before and people want to see new things. Howard said he will write that one down but he thinks that they may not do that. Howard said he'll put that on the list. Howard said they don't let Richard drink too much down there. They don't want him getting sick from drinking.

  Robin asked if Richard is okay. Richard said he has COVID. Howard asked how he's doing. Richard said he's had it before. He said this time it's more a cold type thing. He said he's fine. He said he ran a half marathon yesterday. Howard asked if he knew he had it. Richard said he didn't until this morning. He said he had a cough and congestion.

  Howard said Richard is probably dying but it doesn't matter to him. He said he doesn't care.

  Howard asked what Prickleball is. Jason said it's like Pickleball but it's naked. He said that's what they have so far but they're thinking about more. Howard said they can't do them all. He said they have some things there to do. He said they may do the Cockano thing with Sal and Richard. He said stay tuned to find out if they get to it.

  Howard took a call from Ralph who suggested a game where they have all of the guys show their cocks and Robin has to figure out who is who. Richard said he thinks that Robin would know his and Sal's cocks.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said this show has turned into the gayest show in history. He said there is nothing gayer than the Howard Stern show. He said they're running out of things. Robin said they have run out of things to do with women and vaginas. Jason said the staff loves this time of year. He said they love coming up with ideas. Howard played some Cocktober song parodies.

  Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Jim Meyer who said that Howard has gone woke and he should let the boys jerk that horse. Howard let him go pretty quick.

  Howard thanked the guys and said they'll figure something out for Cocktober. He said he was with that guy who said they need more vagina stuff.

• Mary Morello's 100th Birthday. 09/18/23. 9:55am
  Howard said Tom Morello's mom is turning 100. He said she's on his show every week. He said she doesn't complain at all. He said his mom is 96 and always complains. He said his mom used to come on his show all the time. He said that he gave them their own show for a while but his mom didn't want to do it. He said his father seemed to like it but then said it was too much for him.

  Howard said Tom's mother is turning 100 and he asked him to do something for her. He said please don't ask him to do stuff like that. He said that Tom doesn't know him that well but he loves the guy and his show. He said he doesn't know what he's going to do but they do have a camera going in there.

  Howard said he's not sure what to say. He asked if you congratulate someone on not dying yet. Robin said no. Howard said he could put a Mento in his penis and pour Coke in there.

  Howard said he has to knock this out now. Robin said just congratulate her on her longevity and that she's been productive in her life. Howard wished Mary a happy 100 and her radio show. He said he's glad he doesn't have to compete with her. He said he thinks she's terrific. He said happy birthday to her. Robin said that was good.

  Howard said he sees people on Cameo doing 20 minute videos for people. Robin said that she saw Debbie Gibson doing 2 songs for someone. Howard said he wouldn't want to be on Cameo doing that. He said he's only doing this because the woman reached 100. He said now you have to reach 200 to do this.

  Howard did another birthday wish where he talked about how Rage Against the Machine wouldn't exist without her vagina. Robin said he has to think about the sperm there too. Howard said Tom is such an awesome guy. He wished her a happy birthday to her and her vagina. Howard did a couple of those messages about her vagina and how much he thanks her for that vagina. He said Tom's head came out of that vagina and he's so happy about that. Howard was going on and on about Mary's vagina. He said god bless her breasts for the life giving milk she fed to Tom. Robin asked if he really wants to send this. Howard said yes. He said they're going to play this at her 100th birthday in front of her whole family including her grand kids. He said her vagina should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He said he's said it all.

  Howard said he thinks that was a good birthday message. Robin said she's not sure anyone else will have that same message.

  Howard said he got that text from Tom and he was so bummed out that it was about that. He said that he has to do it for them. He said she's 100 and Tom is so great. He said he knows people are listening thinking he'll do that for them but he won't do it.

  Robin said he has to ask if she remembers when Tom was conceived. Howard wondered if she knew he was destined for rock and roll greatness. He wondered if back in those days she was knocked out for that birth. Robin said she probably had an epidural.

  Howard said to his guys to please take this and get it to Tom somehow. He said that if Tom wants ''Happy Birthday'' it's in there. He said it one more time just to be sure. Robin said that maybe there's something to Ronnie talking about pre-cum and maybe that's how he was conceived.

  Howard said this is going to be some birthday. He said Tom's kids will be there and they'll hear Robin talking about pre-cum.

• Howard's Urine Sample, Mariann And More. 09/18/23. 10:05am
  Robin asked what that Tupperware is down there. Howard said he had to give a urine sample this morning. He said he had someone come to the house to collect it. He said that the person was coming at 6 this morning. He said he was told that he could pee in something and get it into the fridge. He said he was going to do that but he waited for the woman to show up and peed in a specimen cup instead. He said he has the Tupperware down there because he was going to use it but he didn't. He said Robin had to ask about it.

  Howard said he was worried about putting it in the refrigerator because Beth would freak out about that.

  Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked how Tom Morello knows him so well but doesn't know about this. Howard said Tom may not know about him. He said he's not sure he listens to the show. Mariann said it's ridiculous that people are still asking him to do this stuff. She said this is way above the call of duty for Howard.

  Mariann asked if she can go through her summer list of things she wanted to talk to him about. She mentioned their rabbit dying. Mariann rattled off a bunch of other things that happened over the summer. She said that Gayle King is skinnier than Oprah. She said she's not sure if she's on Ozempic. Howard let Mariann go on and on with her list for a short time and finally cut her off saying he can only take so much. He said he's weak.

  Howard said that he should really go. He said it's enough show.

• Does Howard Do Mundane Things? 09/18/23. 10:15am
  Howard said someone asked him if he does mundane stuff. He said they think he doesn't do things like emptying the garbage and things like that.

  Howard said someone asked if he ate a cookie. He said the polled the staff if they think he eats cookies and half think he does and half doesn't. He said he doesn't eat cookies but he had cake and ice cream.

  Howard said the staff was asked if he yells at the cats. He said that he has. He said their cat Pebble is a bad cat. He said that she has a bad streak in her. He said she did do something. He said she'll bite him and things like that. He said she has serious mental issues. He said she's crazy but kind of fun too. He said you never know what you'll get. He said that they have to lock Pebble up sometimes. He said the give her a time out so she can calm down. He said it's his job to let her out. He said she runs out and goes wild. He said he has raised his voice to her.

  Howard said people ask if he has unlocked a door with a key. He said 68 percent of the staff don't think he has. Howard said he has unlocked doors with a key. He said he had to at his apartment.

  Howard went through more of these questions about what the staff thinks he has and hasn't done. There were questions about him opening sealed containers, eating condiments, putting his foot in ocean water and things like that. He didn't open a sealed container or eat condiments. He did get his foot wet on the beach. Howard did have a chip at a friend's house. He said that's what they had when he got there and he was starving.

  Howard said he has used scissors. He microwaved something. He said people think he doesn't microwave. He said he and Beth didn't have a heated argument. He said they have had discussions. Robin said he did ruin her night out with friends. Howard said he didn't mean to. Howard said she is going to Paris without him. He said maybe he should stop with that. He said he does ask her not to get COVID when she goes out and that ruins it for her.

  Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:25am.

• Lenny Dykstra Found Hard Wood Solution. 09/19/23. 7:00am
  Howard started the show talking about his opening song and how that's masculine music to him.

  Howard took a call from Lenny Dykstra who was on early. He said he has an announcement to make. Howard said he wasn't planning on taking calls but Lenny was there so he took it. Lenny said it's been a long time. Howard said he scared them away last time he was on. He said he wouldn't leave the hotel when they got him a room. Lenny said what happened was that his Cialis and other pills weren't working. He said the chicks were laughing at him and he did some soul searching and he found a solution. He said that Robin has no idea. He said this stuff is called Trimix. He said it's something you inject in your dick. He said he was having trouble getting wood. He said he's talking about real wood. He said the bottom line is that as a man if you can't get wood you feel down and decrepit. He said when you take this stuff you have a rock hard cock. He said you can fuck.

  Howard said Lenny is saying that he was going through something when they were out in Los Angeles. He said he knows he was going through something. He said he had trouble getting wood. He said he was with some women out there and he had trouble. He said what Lenny is saying is that he was so difficult because he was going through a major depression. Robin said he was there to play a game against Ronnie and he couldn't answer a question. Lenny said he tried to take so many dick pills and none of them worked. He said that's until he found Trimix. He said this stuff gives you real wood.

  Howard said he has to sum this up. He said it sounds like he's doing a commercial for them. Lenny said not at all. He said they changed his life but he's not being paid. He said he's a performer.

  Howard said when Lenny was vomiting in the hotel he blamed it on gas station dick pills. He said this is why he was on the pills. Lenny said he tried everything. He said when you can't get wood it's not good because chicks will laugh at you.

  Howard said Lenny is a bit of a sex expert. He said Robin's world would be rocked by him. He said when you have that reputation he has to get it up. He said Lenny knows as a man you want to finish off your woman with a hard penis. Lenny said at the end of the day you want to fuck and the woman wants to know they got fucked.

  Robin asked how he found this stuff. Lenny said his 70 year old drug dealer had trouble getting wood. He said he told him about this medicine. He said he found what he was looking for.

  Howard asked Lenny about being with a young woman and if he tells her about this injection. Lenny said before you're ready you go to the bathroom and you inject this stuff. He said you barely put it in. He said it doesn't hurt. He said 3 minutes later you're like King Kong. He said it makes it harder but not bigger. He said he's had girls tell him that they can't feel their toes after he does it.

  Lenny said he's working right now at 4 in the morning. He said he knows he can get wood now. He said when he wants it he can get it hard. He said it's ready to go when he wants.

  Howard asked Lenny if he's able to ejaculate. Lenny said he is able to make a deposit. Howard asked if he's still hard after that. Lenny said he is. Howard asked if he has track marks on his penis. Lenny said not at all. He said it's a very light pinch. He said it doesn't really leave a mark. He said he never wears a coat either. He said it doesn't deserve to be covered up with a coat. He said he would wear one for Robin though.

  Howard said he would hate for Robin to never experience Lenny. He said he wants to thank Lenny for his honesty.

  Howard said to remind people about how bad Lenny was that time he has some tape of him vomiting at the hotel. Howard played a clip of Lenny puking. Memet was at his door listening and recording it.

  Howard said that's what happens when you can't get wood. He said that was a tough day. He said Lenny is one of his heroes. He said he remembers that Mets team and that makes him upset listening to that. Lenny said he was trying anything and he had like 8 gas station pills in him. He said he went out and went on a mission of mercy. He said he found the solution.

  Howard said he has some tape of Lenny after clearing out the mini bar in the hotel room 3 times. He said he was with 2 women out there and this is tape of him having trouble. He played the clip and Lenny was talking to the girls about ''PC'' his perfect cut penis. The girls were asking to see it.

  Howard said Lenny didn't know what flaccid meant back then. He said he knows now. Lenny said he's back. Howard said the girls were asking to see his penis and he wasn't able to show it to them because he wasn't able to get it up. He said he's found a happy ending to this story.

  Lenny said he's able to have sex about 4 times a week now. He told Robin and Howard how he does it every time. He talked about the injections and how he found the solution. He said it's Trimix. Howard asked Lenny when he fucks a woman does he walk around with a boner for hours. Lenny said it's not like that. He said there's still wood but not insane wood. He said this has changed his entire approach on life now. He said he doesn't have to walk around hiding it anymore.

  Howard asked if Lenny has his teeth in. Lenny said he does for Howard. He said the thing is that the doctor said he may have made too many deposits. He said he did have a lot of activity when he was younger. He said he took 6 Amoxicillin a day. Howard said he was doing that toe prevent STDs. He said you should wear a condom instead. He said from a medical standpoint that doesn't seem like the right thing. He said it worked for Lenny though. Lenny said he built a moat around it. He said he had a sniper on his cock. Howard said he's just warning the kids out there not to listen to uncle Lenny. He said you will get an STD.

  Howard said they had a deep cleaning fee of $600 they had to pay to clean up the hotel room. He said he made a mess of that room. He asked who could blame him. Robin said they didn't know how he was feeling. Lenny said Derek and Memet saved his life. He said he was on the floor. He said he wondered if he could die from that stuff. He said Derek and Memet helped him out.

  Howard said he's looking at the Trimix stuff that you can have some side effects. He said it sounds like he's not having those problems though. Lenny said for anyone who doesn't like needles there is something you can put on your tongue. He said it doesn't work the same but it's out there.

  Lenny said Howard has earned the money he makes. He said he's proud of him. Howard asked if he ever jerks off. Lenny said not really. He said he just uses the shots for when he's having sex. Howard said he's no longer upset and he's found a happy ending for this. Lenny said he loves that he's saying that. He said his delivery is great.

  Howard said Lenny's pussy boat is gone. He said he sold it. Robin congratulated him on all of this. Howard said he's back and he's back in a big way.

  Lenny said just try Trimix. Howard said he doesn't have that problem. He said he doesn't need it. Lenny said if you eat healthy and take care of yourself maybe you don't need it. He said he doesn't take care of himself.

  Howard let Lenny go a short time later. Lenny said he's a new man. He said that's because he knows he can get wood. Howard said he's back and better than ever. He played Lenny off with a song parody Lenny sang for them. Howard said that guy is a triple threat. Robin said Lenny can now get wood so congratulations ladies. Howard said there is hope for you if you can't get wood. He asked how he's not in the hall of fame with that speech.

  Howard said he forgot the song parody about Robin that he sang. Robin said she didn't remember that either. Howard said you'd think they'd play that every day. He played another song parody Lenny did for them. Howard found another one after that. He said this was Lenny featuring Robin Quivers. He played a little bit of that one. He cut it off.

• Gary Has COVID. 09/19/23. 7:30am
  Howard asked Robin to guess who has COVID. Robin guessed Gary. She was right. Howard said Gary has it and he's on Paxlovid. Gary said he tested yesterday and he was negative. He said he had a sore throat and he tested again and he tested positive. He said he felt like he was hit by a train. He said he took the Paxlovid and he feels much better.

  Howard asked what his symptoms were. Gary said he was very sore and he had a sore throat. He said the Paxlovid kicked in and felt a lot better. Howard said good for you.

  Howard said he hopes he does better. He said Richard has it too. He said COVID is on the rise again. He said he thinks it's with us and here to stay. Robin said that it's going to be with us forever now. Howard said it's the gift that keeps on giving.

  Howard asked if it was ever determined where it came from. He said it seems like it came from a lab in China or something. He asked if he's wrong about that. Robin said she has no idea. She said she's not sure what's going on with the investigation.

  Howard asked if it came from Lenny's hotel room. He said there were a few things he said that he didn't understand.

• Caller Catches 70 Year Old Dad Jerking Off. 09/19/23. 7:35am
  Howard took a call from a guy, Matt, who said he just dropped his kids off at school and he had to take a shit real bad. His phone cut out so he didn't get the whole story out. The guy started over and said he went to his parent's house. His phone cut out again. Howard asked what's with his fucking phone. He asked if he has an Android. Matt said he does. He said it's not the phone. He said it's where he lives in Indiana.

  Howard asked if he can tell the story without the phone cutting out. Matt started over again. He said he went to his parents house and his dad was in his bedroom jerking off. Howard said this is terrible. He said he should have hung up. Howard asked what he was jerking off to. Matt said it was porn on his computer. He said he heard moaning sounds. He said it wasn't his dad moaning. He said it was the porn.

  Matt said he went to the bathroom and when he came out his dad was in the kitchen making coffee. Howard said he'd rather catch his parents having sex than his dad jerking off. He said it's like all farm animals in that house. He said it's the house from hell.

  Howard said he found his dad's porn stash in his night table when he was a kid. He said he should have known a kid would look through their stuff. He said that he had hard core sex books that he kept around too. He said he became a reader when he found those books. He said he had to lay in bed and jerk off with the book open. He said he had to listen to the door to make sure they weren't coming home. He said he had to keep the right page open too. He said it's almost incestuous. He said he had a piece of toilet paper as a bookmark. He said he had to make sure he kept it in the right page. He said he'd know if he moved it. He said jerking off was like a mission to Mars. He said he was laying on his bed jerking off while holding the book open.

  Howard said he's not sure how his dad bought porn but he had it. Matt said he found his dad's stash too when he was younger. He said he thought his mom was going to divorce him. Howard said he doesn't think his mom fucked much. He said his dad had a gross of condoms too. He said he's not sure what he was up to. He said his head would be spinning. He said he'd be laying in bed with about 10 minutes to finish. He said he had to make sure nothing was on the book and the pages were fine. He said then he had to place it back in the paper bag in his stash. He said he didn't accomplish much as a kid but he became the James Bond of jerking off.

  Howard said he was so good at putting that stuff back he never got caught. He said his father was very angry with him when he was a kid.

  Howard said he once gave his dad a bunch of the porn stuff they got at the radio station. He said his dad looked in there and said ''Alright'' and took it. He said he didn't question it at all. Robin asked if he went and put it away. Howard said he just took it. He said they never said a word about it.

  Howard said he thought maybe his dad would love him if he gave him free porn. He said he became so Ninja like. He said he understood why his dad jerked off. He said his mom may have blown his dad but maybe not on a regular basis. He said that when Bill Clinton got in trouble he remembers his mom saying that it's really not sex. She told him that she was doing oral favors on him. Howard said he told her that's sex but his mom didn't think it was. He said his mom had a rough life and she met his dad when she was just 18. He said he thinks she only had one guy. He said she never worried about his dad cheating on her either. Howard said there's a lot of mystery there in the Stern family tree.

  Howard said his dad had a big penis too. He said he saw it and he had girth and length. He said he took after his mother and had nothing. He said he was hung like his mother.

  Howard asked what are you going to do. He said you live with what you've got. Howard let Matt go a short time later.

  Howard said lock up your porn if you have kids. He said his dad had very exotic porn. He said it was wild. He said back in the old days they used to read their porn. He said they were very literate.

  Howard said he had a stag film on 8mm film. He said he had to do so many things to jerk off. He said he'd go down and find the projector and set that up to watch his porn. He said once the film got stuck in the gate and started to melt. He said he had to do all of this while his parents were out. He said it took an hour of work to cum in 5 seconds. He said imagine he burned down the house with that projector. He said his father would have freaked out.

  Howard imagined what it would have been like if he had burned down the house with that film. He said they'd have to investigate and figure out that he was jerking off. He was making up the stories like old people do about how tough their lives were growing up. His stories were about how hard it was to jerk off.

  Howard said it wasn't easy. He said he used to go through his father's stuff. He said he had no relationship with his father. He said he would search for clues about him. He said then he found his extra eyeball. He said he had a glass eye. He said he was staring at that thing and got real nervous about it. He said they had a small house so there weren't many hiding places.

  Howard said his mother would look through his stuff. He said he asked her to give him is own space. She said she never had her own space so he can't have his own. He said it was her room in her house. Howard did his parent's voices while he was telling these stories.

  Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Quentin Tarantino (the worst impression ever) and he said that he only watches 70mm film porn. Howard closed the door on him pretty quick.

  Howard took a call from a woman who was calling from Pennsylvania so Howard talked about that escaped prisoner who was caught and how the cops took a group photo with the guy when they finally got him. He said the embarrassing part is that he even got out. He said he just read that a group of kids got out of a juvenile detention center. He said 9 kids got out of there after a riot.

  Howard asked the caller, Dana, what's going on. Dana said she heard that the prisoner found a watermelon and opened it with his head. Howard didn't know that's how he did that. Then Dana told a story about finding porn in her Dad's room. She was going on and on and on. Howard let Dana go in the middle of the story because she was going on and on. Howard said not everyone wants to hear the entire lead up. He said you have to get to the point when you call a show. He said don't call and just open a watermelon with your head.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said his father had the weirdest collection of porn. He said he hid it in a chest and he found it as a kid. He said he had never seen anything like that before. He also found pantyhose in there. Howard said that's creepy to keep it in a trunk. He said it's really weird to keep it in there. He said then you find pantyhose in there and he has a pantyhose fetish and that's really weird. The caller said that he wondered what went on with his parents behind closed doors. Howard said his dad probably didn't want to see his mom in pantyhose. He said he wanted to see other women.

  Howard said there's some crazy shit that goes down in your life. He said he didn't want to know about his dad jerking off. Robin said guys jerk off either way. Howard said his mom wanted to be celibate. He said that she wanted to move away and go to India. He said she didn't want sex. He said he doesn't know what was going on with those two. Robin said he probably doesn't want to know. She said they may have had bad introductions to sex.

  Howard did his impression of his mom and dad having sex and had his dad thinking that she had panties on under her Trousseau. He had his mom saying that was just her hairs.

  Howard said his mom never had fun. He said he doesn't think she ever did. He said he's not sure if she was ever high or what but she said she doesn't know if she ever knew what love was. Howard said he's sitting right there with her and she doesn't know if she's ever been in love. Howard said it might be the drugs she's on that led to her saying that.

• Bill Maher's Podcast. 09/19/23. 8:00am
  Howard said the guys were playing some audio from Bill Maher's new podcast where he's dumping on him. He said he and Bill had a falling out but he thought they had made up. He said he did his show and thought they had repaired that relationship. He said Bill took a big dump on him on his show. He said he had Julian Lennon on his show and they were talking about him. He said Bill said Howard gets on the radio and says he loves his wife. He said he's never been criticized for that but Bill was doing that. He said Bill said that we've had enough of that on the radio. He said that's a really nutty thing to say. He said that Bill is assuming that he knows something about his first marriage that makes him think that his first wife is upset with him saying that. He said Bill must think that his first wife is pining away for him. He said Julian Lennon said that it depends on the situation. He said that didn't get to Bill at all. He said it amped him up and he said it's stupid Hollywood celebrities. Howard said he's not even in Hollywood.

  Howard said Bill should shut his mouth. He said that he doesn't come on the air every day and say he loves his wife. He said he does appreciate her. He said that Bill is worried that he's doing that too much.

  Robin said Bill has never given his life to anyone so how can he know what it's even like.

  Howard said he wrote to Bill asking him to give him a phone call after that. He said he never wrote him back after that. He said he heard the clip and wrote him last night. He said give him a call and he'll explain his life. He said he can think what he wants but he's not going to call.

  Howard said Bill now does that and smokes weed. He said we get it, you're 70 and you smoke weed. He said that Bill went on a ramble about him. Robin said he had Julian in there and he's not there to talk about Howard. Howard said Julian was making sense. Robin said he wasn't there to talk about Howard though. Howard said no but when you're wasted you may go on a tangent. He said he thinks he may no longer be friends with him.

  Howard said it kind of came out of the blue. He said he's not sure why that is. Robin said it's weird that he came on the show and made up. she said if you felt that way then why all of the other stuff. She said just don't do the show and don't have Howard on your show.

  Howard said he doesn't mind it if he says something about guys loving their wives. He said he singled him out and called him a stupid Hollywood celebrity. He said it's important to say that you love your wife. He said that's what he thinks.

  Howard said he should have checked with Bill to see when the statute of limitations is up when you can say you love your wife. Robin said that everyone is doing what Howard just said. She said that they may have been with someone before too. Howard said he has a new rule, don't say you love your wife unless you've only been married once.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said Bill Maher has never been married and he doesn't get it. He said the past 2 years he's been trying to get his girlfriend turned on to him. He said that the way Howard talks about Beth and his love for her helps him get his girlfriend to listen. Howard said he's honest with his audience. He said that he doesn't share everything but he shares a lot of his life. He said it's not easy to share everything. He said he likes to show the men out there that he has a heart. He said he has a soft side and we need some of that in the world. He said people are hating on each other a lot. He said you don't know what went on with him in his relationships. He said you assume that he's hurting someone. He said it's very judgmental. He said he's judgmental too. He said he and Bill aren't really friends. He said he did his show and Bill has done his show. He said he enjoyed him as a guest. He said he has a reputation for being a tremendous asshole. He said he has been in discussions with people who told him what an asshole he is. He said maybe back off a little bit.

  The caller, Raymond, said his girlfriend likes to watch him jerk off. He said he's never had that before. He said he's into it too. Howard said he had a girlfriend once who enjoyed watching him jerk off too. He said that she probably just didn't want to fuck him. He said that's what he took out of that. Raymond said that his girlfriend likes to watch and he has no idea where that comes from but it's after the show so thanks for that.

  Raymond asked Howard if he has ever been approached to invest in any sports team. Howard said he'd never do that. He said he likes watching a football game here and there and basketball. He said that he doesn't know enough to do that. He said he would end up losing money. He said he'd be the one guy who lost money.

  Howard said it's already 8:15. He said they've been talking about jerking off and Bill Maher.

  Howard said it's kind of funny that Bill was making fun of him for saying he loves his wife too much. He said he was wasted at the time. Howard said he loves when people say things and then blame the drugs they were on. He said he's been on drugs and didn't do that.

• America's Got Talent Stories. 09/19/23. 8:15am
  Howard said he was reading something online about how he was fired from America's Got Talent and he was hiding some secret. He said the article said that he was fired and that the ratings were low when he started but they kept him for another 3 years. He said he remembers it as being asked to stay on for another year when he wanted to leave after 2 seasons. He said he stayed. He said that in year 3 this Simon Cowell showed up at the show. He said he remembers him staring at him the whole time. He said he knew that fucking guy was looking at how popular he was on the show. He said then the Sony email leaks happened and there were emails from Simon wanting to take his job for less money. He said Simon denied they were his emails but they were. He said Simon was lying about it and it was so fucking weird.

  Howard said he was talking to some of the people at America's Got Talent and they asked him if he wanted to do another season and he said no. He said they wanted him to stay so he stuck around for one more season. he said he would do one more but he was done after that. He said he has a radio career to get back to. He said he saw that Simon was dying to get back on so they could replace him with Simon. He said the head of the company that ran America's Got Talent wanted him to do his own game show. He said they asked him if he wanted to host anything. He said he was presented with a bunch of shows and he was kind of interested. He said he won't way what they were because they were given to other people. He said that he passed on that stuff.

  Howard said he wasn't fired from America's Got Talent. He said there just isn't any truth to this story. Robin asked if they didn't want Howard there then why did they change the whole show around to make it easier on Howard. Howard said he has a feeling this is coming from Simon Cowell. He said he thinks that he has a bug up his ass about him. Howard said it's weird stuff.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he doesn't get why he's upset about this. He said it doesn't matter. The caller said that he has such a great show. He said he can talk about jerking off one day and then have Paul Simon on. Howard said he can't wait for Paul tomorrow. The caller said he's the best interviewer in the business. He said he loves it. Howard thanked the guy for the pep talk and let him go.

  Howard said the other thing about America's Got Talent was that it was a dumb job. He said he did 4 years of it and it was becoming redundant. He said he was saying the same shit over and over. He said it wasn't the vision he had for his career. He said it was fun the first year or two and then it got to be too much.

  Howard said he read that article and it just wasn't the way it happened. Robin said she didn't get that feeling either.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was the only honest judge on America's Got Talent. He said that Howie is always saying that he has never seen anything like that before when he's seen these things every season he's been on. Howard said he likes Howie. He said he would never trash the guy. He said he did put a lot of energy into his show and he was working late on America's Got Talent and it was a lot. He said he remembers one night working late to watch a squirrel water ski. He said they had problems and they were going really late. He said he told them he was giving them 10 more minutes and he was out of there. He said the other judges had more free time. He said even Nick wanted out of there so he could go fuck some girls or something.

  Howard said one time they had a guy who drove his truck into a wall. He said that was the whole bit. He said he thinks he had run his course on the show. He said he didn't get fired though.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that Bill was talking about crossing the picket line to bring his show back. Howard said he wont get into all of that and play that game. He said he does love his wife and he likes saying that. He said there's nothing wrong with that.

  Howard took a call from Ralph who said that it's great to hear Beth on the air. He said there's nothing wrong with what he does. He said the best thing with America's Got Talent is that the tapings would go on forever and Howard would draw the line. He said he'd give them 15 minutes and that was it. Howard said he was a gentleman on set but at some point he had to end the taping. Ralph said the crew would be cheering for Howard. Howard said the crew was antsy so someone had to say something. He said he did it. He said he remembers leaving the set and people were cheering for him like in Norma Ray.

  Ralph said he saw that Byron Allen bid like 10 billion for ABC. Howard said he's not sure what that guy did to make that kind of money. He said he was on a few shows and he did okay. He said he knew of Byron and he was a nice guy. He said he read in the paper years ago that he's a multi-billionaire. He said he wondered how he did that. Robin said he has a few things he doesn't star in. Ralph said he owns a bunch of affiliate stations around the country. He said it's like 36 stations or something. Howard said Ralph is counting Byron's money now. Robin said the guy is a good businessman. Howard said is he ever.

• Ronnie's Wedding. 09/19/23. 8:35am
  Howard took a call from a woman, Tara, who asked why he thinks about America's Got Talent anymore. Howard said he doesn't. He said he read the article about himself and he wanted to go on record about his side. She said that she thinks Howard has to shell out for Ronnie's wedding. she said it's going to make for so much material. Howard said they're going to try to get a lot of that for the channel. He said he can't wait for the stories to come out of that wedding.

  Howard asked the guys where the tape of Blitt busting Ronnie's balls is. He said Ronnie gets so worked up about it. He said he has so much anger in him. Robin said it doesn't take much to get him worked up.

  Howard said this is Blitt bringing up the first dance with Ronnie. He said it sets Ronnie off and he's so fucking angry. Howard played the clip of Blitt asking him about the first dance thing and Ronnie said he's not sure they're even doing that. Blitt went back and forth with him on that and Ronnie sounded angry during the whole conversation.

  Howard said he loves how Ronnie brought up a Chubby Checker song in that. He said he's so old. He said he seems so angry about everything too. He said this is more of Blitt getting under his skin. He played more of Blitt's bits where he asked Ronnie about his wedding and what they have planned. Ronnie was getting upset about everything he was asked.

  Howard did his impression of Ronnie and said he heard that his welcome party is in his room. He said that he's going to have sweets in there.

  Howard said Ronnie is so angry about all of that. Ronnie said he's not sure if he was supposed to come on or not. He said he texted Jason but he didn't answer. He said this stuff goes on with Blitt for hours. He said it doesn't stop. He said he asks crazy ass questions.

  Howard asked Ronnie why he gets so worked up by this. Ronnie said the other day Blitt asked him what he should wear to the party. He said no one is asking him but he claims that everyone comes to him with these questions. He said it's all bullshit. He said he's not the social media guy.

  Howard said when Ronnie proposed to Stephanie he screamed at her. He said he's so angry. Tara asked if he's still doing the hypnotherapy. Ronnie said he is. He said it's really good stuff from Dr. Scott Schmaren. Robin asked how angry he'd be without that guy.

  Howard played another clip of Blitt asking questions about the wedding. He asked about the food at the wedding and Ronnie was getting worked up about all of that. He called Blitt a fucking asshole for asking about that stuff.

  Ronnie said that it's just that this stuff goes on and on and it gets to be a lot. Howard played another clip of Blitt asking Ronnie about what's going to happen at the wedding and Ronnie getting worked up and angry at Blitt.

  Howard said he gets so amped up. Ronnie said he's going to have a blast at the wedding. Howard said try and calm down. Ronnie said he's calm... as calm as could be. Howard said he heard that no one is allowed to switch seats. Ronnie said that's not true. He said they can move around. He said people will be up and walking around. He said he doesn't give a shit what they do. He said once they sit down to have dinner that's where they sit. He said they just finished doing the tables. He said that was insane.

  Howard said he knows how tough that can be. He said his daughter's wedding was like that. Ronnie said he thinks they did a good job with that. He said it took all afternoon on Saturday.

  Howard said he had some people who didn't like where they sat at his daughter's wedding. Howard asked where Bubba is going to sit. Ronnie said he's coming and they have him in a good spot. Howard asked who was hard to seat. Ronnie said a couple of friends. He said that there are some NASCAR people coming. He said they were easy. He said a couple of friends were hard. Howard asked if it's anyone from work. Ronnie said not really. He said everyone from work is under control.

  Tara asked if it's show people at the same table. Ronnie said there are a lot of people so there's more than one table. He said they're all in the same general area. Howard said thanks for the update and let everyone go.

  Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she's glad he took up the Bill Maher stuff. She said that she was there with all of the America's Got Talent shows and she saw Simon show up. She said Beth wanted him to get out of that show a year before he did. Howard hung up on her and said he knows all of that.

  Howard said none of this even really rocks him. He said he's been on the air for so long and he's happy that someone even cares to dredge stuff up about his marriage or anything. He said he's kind of complimented. He said it's kind of a thing.

  Howard started to do a live commercial read but mentioned that he's watching the new Daryl Dixon Walking Dead show. He said he's watching some other shows like ''Love at First Sight'' and other stuff too. He said he's got a lot on his mind about Paul Simon. He got started about Paul's music again like he did yesterday.

  Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.

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• The World's Worst DJ. 09/19/23. 9:00am
  After the break they played a phony phone call fake Mark the Bagger made to Mark the Bagger. They also played a ''Uber Stories with Ronnie Mund'' bit and Soundgarden's ''The Day I Tried to Live.''

  Howard came back and talked up the Soundgarden song like a top 40 DJ. He said what a job that is talking over people's music.

  Howard said a lot of people they worked with are dropping like flies. He said you look around and wonder what happened. He said it's hard to believe Chris Cornell isn't with us anymore. He asked how can hit the notes like that guy. He said just listen to this. He said he can't get up there.

  Howard said there's a little known fact about Chris. He said he broke some of the microphones that he used because of the way he sang. He said he's broken some microphones too but that was from speaking into them in the wrong way.

  Howard said what drove him not to play records on radio was hating to get them out of the jacket and filing them back in the right place. He said he hated that pressure. He said talking on the air is easy compared to setting up to get a record on. Robin said they were real records back then. She said you had to get them to the exact right place sometimes. Howard said he would freak out if he had 5 seconds left and didn't have another song ready to go.

  Howard said he was the worst DJ. He said he worked with people who were so good at it. He said Meg Griffin was the best. He said she knew how to do it and knew what to talk about. He said she was a real professional. He said he followed her a few times and the studio was neat and organized. He said he didn't know how she did it.

  Howard said he would roll over the records in his studio when he was starting out. Fred said it looked like a hoarder was in the room. Howard said he didn't know how to do a radio show. Fred said he had a lot to contend with. He said he had to tape the calls he took and things like that. Howard said he's right. H said they didn't have a delay so he had to record the calls.

  Howard said it did train you to come up with something quick. He said he had to say something funny to the callers. He said he had to get out of the call and change a record. He said that he would sometimes take a chance and make a prank call live. He said he risked it. He said in those days if someone cursed he'd get fired. He said no one would have stuck up for him in those days.

  Howard said he called Japan to try to get Paul McCartney released from jail. He said then he'd get a write up in the paper about being outrageous. He said no one was doing anything on radio at that time. He said he went on the air one time during the gas crisis and said some things about the gasoline companies and he got a write up in the paper. He said the whole idea was to get in the paper to get into a better station. He said no one noticed him though. He said he got on his knees and cried. He said he lived in a horrible section of Hartford and his neighbors were assholes. He said they hated him because he was on radio. He said they were so angry at him. He said they'd bang on his walls and play records at night. He said it was crazy.

  Howard said he couldn't even afford this shitty apartment he had. He said he didn't have a lot of options for what he'd do for a living. He said the apartment was one step above a cardboard box. He said that he just needed $25 from his boss and the guy said he had to think about it. He said that's when he cried. He said that's when he got the call to go to Ohio. He said they had a station there and they asked him to go there. He said it may have been Columbus. He said they had a 50 share there. He said he knew he'd lose all of their listeners. He said he went to Detroit instead. He said that was it. He said he was making $28,000 a year. He said he thought that was awesome. He said then he negotiated for 30,000. He said he had never made more than 12,000 a year and now he was up to 30. He said he had no money in the bank.

  Howard said he's glad he didn't go to Ohio. He said no one was helping him. He said he wanted Fred to come to Detroit. He said they refused to hire him there though. He said they had no budget for Fred.

  Robin said she had worked as a nurse and she was making maybe 30,000 a year. She said she left that to go into radio. She said she had to live at the YWCA. She said that's where she was living. Howard said that's pretty bad.

  Howard said he lived in a monastery for a year. He said he had to take a vow of silence but the rent was only $100 a month.

• Country Music. 09/19/23. 9:20am
  Howard took a call from a woman, Emma, who said that she wanted his opinion on Oliver Anthony. She had a crying baby with her. She asked if he's heard his stuff. Howard said he thinks he knows who she's talking about. Howard asked her to quiet her child down. Emma said that's her 5 month old daughter. Howard said they're great at that age. He said you're so in love with them. He said he didn't even mind changing diapers and things.

  Howard played some of that Oliver Anthony guy. He said he read that Maren Morris is done with country music because it's become so political now. He said that she thinks it's about owning the liberals with country music so she's getting out of it. Robin said she saw the headline but didn't read the whole article. Howard said he hopes he's paraphrasing it right. He read some of the article that he was talking about.

  Howard played some of the Jason Aldean song ''Try That In a Small Town'' and did his southern accent talking about the lyrics in that song about the granddaddy's gun.

  Emma said that she wanted to ask him about the Oliver Anthony song. Howard said he gets the Maren Morris thing. Howard played more of the Aldean song and did more of that southern accent. Howard let Emma go a short time later.

  Howard said he knows what Maren Morris is talking about. He said he's not sure that leaving is the right thing to do. Howard said they're planning Cocktober over there. He said if you do that in a small town you may not get away with it.

  Howard kept playing the Jason Aldean song and wondered what he's even talking about. He said the whole concept of America is that weirdos and freaks in small towns should be safe too. He said he can tell you that's not the way this country works.

  Howard got the Oliver Anthony song and read how it went to number 1 as soon as it came out. Jason said he's singing about how people in the south are being controlled by people in the north. Howard said he knows what that's referring to.

  Howard said he's not sure what anyone is talking about in these songs. He said he really doesn't. He said it does sound threatening though. He played some of that Oliver Anthony song ''Rich Men North Of Richmond.'' Howard laughed as he listened. He said he really isn't sure who he's talking about. He said he could be talking about Trump for all he knows. He said it does sound like a lot of anger toward people in the city. He said he is pretty hopped up about shit.

  Howard was listening to the lyrics and trying to make sense of them. He said he thinks he might have been singing about Jeffrey Epstein in that song.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he is pretty liberal but it's weird what's happening in music videos. He said he's a director and there's a lot of weird shit going on. He said that Jason Aldean video was shot on the site of a lynching. He said they had a lot of B-roll of riots and stuff they had to pull from the video. He said he's made a great living making music videos down there and things have gotten weird.

  Howard said he has lived in a lot of small towns and people seemed really nice. He said he's not sure what's going on out there. He doesn't leave his house. He said that's the smallest town in America.

  Howard took a call from Ralph who said he didn't get the Oliver Anthony thing right. He said the song came out and people on both sides were saying it was the other side. He said Oliver said it's about both sides not getting shit done on either side. Robin said thank god Ralph understood that.

  Howard said it's a shame about Maren Morris. He said she has such a great voice. He played some of her song ''Get the Hell Out Of Here'' and said she's super hot. He said that's all that really matters. He played Maren's song ''The Tree'' too. He said she's really good.

  Ralph said that's good but he can't get that Adam Duritz version of ''Metamucil Man'' out of his head. He said it's really good. Howard said it really is. Ralph said he should do it at a show. Howard said he thinks he might do it if people requested it. Ralph said he'd go. He said it's so good. Howard played the song for Ralph.

  Howard said it really is great. He said maybe he's a song writer and not a singer. Howard and Ralph were giggling at the lyrics as Adam sang. Ralph said he should release this.

  Howard said he should have harmonized with him. Ralph said he kills it at the end. He said just wait for it. Howard let the song play out. He cracked up as Adam was singing about having fiber in his can.

  Howard said he put that song on while he was moving his bowels the other day. He said that was pretty awesome. He thanked Adam for doing that. Ralph said he has to do that live in the studio. Howard said he should do it on TV. Howard said Adam made that song his own. He said they used to say that on America's Got Talent.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that Rich Men from Richmond is about Washington DC and how hard things are getting for people to survive. Robin said it's the people who vote those people into office. She said that they don't care what's happening. The caller said that it doesn't seem to matter who is in office.

  Howard said he's not sure what any of them are singing about. He said when he hears songs it's hard to interpret.

  Howard said the guy he's into is Dixon Dallas. He said this guy is the best. He said this guy puts out country music that fucks with the people who listen. He said he's singing a love song but then you realize he's singing about dudes. He played some of the song ''F150''. Howard laughed when he heard him singing about dude love.

  Howard said his song ''Good Looking'' has a lot of views on social media. He played some of his song ''Like Whiskey'' where he sings about more dude love.

  Howard said Gary likes a song that Dixon sings about the ''bussy'' which is the butt pussy. Howard played some of the song ''Good Lookin''. He said that's the song about bussy. Howard said there's all kinds of anger out there.

  Howard said so anyway Maren Morris is leaving country music. He said she's not happy that they're using that music for hate. He said he's not sure what that Oliver guy is talking about. He said he'd just say that Dixon Dallas should stay out of that town. He said it's hard to keep up with everything.

• Blitt Pranks Canadians. 09/19/23. 9:50am
  Howard said Jon Blitt was in Montreal over the summer and he messed with some Canadians. He said he played some clips of their Trump impersonator and got some reactions out of them. He said they believed that the quotes were real. He said Blitt had Trump saying that he was going to build a wall to keep the smoke from the fires up there out of the States. He played some of the reactions Blitt got and they thought it was real.

  Howard said he can get behind that smoke wall. Robin said it would go right over the top of the wall. Howard said they can build it right up to the sun.

  Howard said their Trump said that he'd get back at the Canadians by setting Vermont on fire and blow the smoke up there with a giant fan. He played the reactions from the Canadians who seemed to fall for it.

  Howard said they got really upset when they heard that Trump was going to charge a $150 tax for them to visit the United States. Howard played some reactions from the Canadians who were asking what kind of stupid mentality that is. Some of them didn't care and said they can just stay up there. Howard said they were all very nice. He said they were the angriest Canadians he's ever heard though.

  Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Trump going off on the Canadians. He said maybe he'll do some of those things he was talking about in that bit.

  Howard spent a few minutes with fake Trump talking about his platform for the 2024 election and things like that.

  Howard said he has to go. He said Trump can ramble on and he gets himself into trouble. He let him go a short time later.

• Fan Feedback. 09/19/23. 10:00am
  Howard said he sees a lot of people are hanging on the phone. He said they have to end this party though. He said he has a lot of fan feedback to read. He read some stuff about Paul Simon. He had people suggesting questions for Paul Simon. There were a couple of covers people asked him to ask Paul about. He said he will ask Paul about some of that stuff.

  Howard said he got some feedback about the Lauren Boebert discussion they had yesterday. He said she was thrown out of a play for disturbing the people in the audience at a Beetlejuice play. He said that she must have pissed off the cast of the play while she got her nips twisted like radio dials. Howard read through some of that feedback.

  Howard said he has a game. He said it's Lauren Boebert quotes and he's going to see if they turn him off so much he wouldn't fuck her. Howard played one where she was talking about vaccines and how she's not going to be forced into them. Howard said he might be out. Robin said she's not sure he's out. Howard said she might be right.

  Howard played ore clips and said he thinks he's out. He said if it was in secret maybe he'd fuck her but he'd hate himself after.

  Howard said some people are disappointed in him over the Cocktober stuff they may do. He read through some of the feedback about that. He said some people are upset that they're not going to have Richard and Chris jerk off a horse. He said some people were glad he did the right thing and turned that bit down.

  Howard said Richard called his dad and asked if he knows where to get a horse to jerk off. He played the call where Richard asked about that. Richard and his dad talked about that real slow for a couple of minutes. Richard's dad had some suggestions for him on where to find a horse or a bull to jerk off. Howard said he wishes he had a relationship like that with his dad. Robin said his dad loves Richard right from the start of that call and nothing phases him.

  Howard acted out what that would go like with his parents. He did his parent's voices and had them going back and forth talking about jerking off horses.

  Howard asked Richard how he's doing. Richard said he's feeling worse. He said he's not on Paxlovid. He said he feels like last night was the worst of it. He said it might be too late for Paxlovid. Robins said it does need to get started quickly.

  Howard said a lot of people were writing in about Richard and the Cocktober stuff. Howard said someone suggested playing air hockey with their cocks. Howard said there were other suggestions too.

  Howard said some people wrote in about the Mary Morello message he made yesterday. Howard said his cut off to do messages for friends is 120 from now on. Howard said he should wrap this up.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Dan's Papers and he thought his painting was amazing. He said on the Cocktober thing he'd like to know if he'd paint some cocks of the staff members. Howard said he doesn't know about that. He thanked him for the call.

  Howard said he was referring to Dan's Papers and he likes doing paintings for them. He said he has no interest in doing that but he likes doing it for them. He said he's excited about that. He said it's kind of cool. He said that was fun.

  Howard took a call from a guy who mentioned some story about Paul Simon and Crosby Stills and Nash. Howard and the caller went through that story for a few minutes. Howard said Paul will be on the show tomorrow. He said he'll look into that story.

  Howard got in some plugs for some specials they're running this weekend. They have an Eric the Actor special on Howard 101 on Sunday Brunch. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:20am.

• In Studio For Paul Simon. 09/20/23. 7:00am
  Howard started the show talking about how he saw a bunch of the staff this morning but not Gary because he has COVID. He said the other guys are in there. He said a human curtain was just around him with the guys in the studio.

  Robin said his hair looks nice for Paul today. Howard said Toni came in and used the hot iron on it. He said he's in the studio today. He said usually he's in his house. He said he usually pulls his hair out with his fingers. He said Toni was able to do it with an iron.

  Howard said he's wearing a John Varvatos leather jacket today. He he's wearing a shirt that's not cotton so he's itchy on his back though. He said he fears that will continue through the interview but he'll get through it. He said he likes things to be perfect but he has an itchy shirt today.

  Howard said Fred is not in studio today. He said he's avoiding him. Fred said he's not avoiding him and he'll see him next week. Howard said he won't be there next week.

  Robin said there are things popping up about Paul Simon in the news. She said there are a lot of things to talk about. She said Howard has a big job ahead of him today.

  Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who was very excited about today's show. She was all over the place talking about Paul Simon and her favorite songs. Howard played her some of that stuff while she was singing. She said she can't wait for today. She sang along but not with the song. Howard said he used to love ''Kodachrome'' but Mariann ruined it for him. Howard said there are 5 people who crashed their cars on their way to work hearing that.

  Howard said he is very excited for this interview. He said his sister had a record collection that was not his taste. He said she was 4 years older than him. He said she liked Fabian and guys like that. He said he didn't have records but she had a Paul Simon album. He said it may have been Bridge Over Troubled Water. He said she also had some Joan Baez stuff. Howard played some songs from Sounds of Silence. He said he was like 10 years old at the time.

  Robin asked what's wrong with his math. She said he was 12 not 10. Howard said his math is off. He said he was 10 or 11. He was close. He said he was only off by a year or two.

  Howard said when he turned 13 that's when he found The Beatles and Sgt. Peppers. He said he had already found the Beatles by then. He said they all had it going on back then. He said he's really excited about this.

• Dancing With The Stars, OJ And Julie Chen. 09/20/23. 7:10am
  Howard said they announced the new cast of Dancing with the Stars. He said it's coming back to network TV. He had a list of names for the cast. He asked Robin if she knows these people. They talked about Jason Mraz and what he does.

  Howard took a call from fake Art Garfunkel who said the security desk is not letting him up. Howard said he's not on the show today. Howard let him go a short time later.

  Howard had a Jason Mraz song that he played to hear what this guy does. Howard played the song ''I'm Yours'' and said that poor guy has to go on Dancing with the Stars. That led to Howard going into his agent voice talking about how they booked the guy for the show.

  Howard said what's interesting about that show is that it does nothing to help anyone's career. He said it won't help this guy. He did more of his agent voice and spent a couple of minutes talking about booking the guy on the show.

  Howard said that's not a good call to get from your agent. He said that's the only offer the guy is getting. He said that if you win you get $25,000. He said that goes to their charity.

  Howard said there's always hope that you'll get something out of going on that show. He said there have been maybe one or two people who got something out of it. He said one guy was that guy who hosts Access Hollywood. Robin said that's Mario Lopez. She said she was thinking about that kid Rubio who is hosting Dancing with the Stars too. Gary said it's Alfonso Ribeiro. Robin said he became a host of a couple of shows too. She said that's all she can think of.

  Howard went into his agent voice again and talked more about the Jason Mraz booking. Robin said he has to get somewhere else. Agent Howard went on and on in his agent voice. He spent a little time talking about representing Millie Bobby Brown too.

  Howard said the other stars on Dancing with the Stars are Alyson Hannigan, Jamie Lynn Spears, Mira Sorvino, Barry Williams, Tyson Beckford and Adrian Peterson.

  Howard and Robin talked about each of those 'stars' as they went along. Howard said this is actually a pretty good line up. They were confused about who some of them were. They had to explain who a bunch of them were. Gary helped with some and said that Adrian Peterson was the guy who was in the news for revealing that he hit his kid with a switch. Howard asked if he's right about that. He said Gary is known to be wrong at times. Gary was reading an ABC news report. He said it was actually a belt and not a switch. Howard said his mom used a hanger on him. Gary gave Howard the details on that Peterson guy. Howard said that's so fucked up. Robin said if you have to whip a kid at all your parenting isn't that great. Howard said maybe go for parenting lessons if you have to do that. Howard said he can't vote for that guy on the show if that's the case. Robin asked how you introduce someone like that on the show. Howard said it's like when OJ is on a podcast. He said OJ was on a podcast and they kind of talked about his accomplishments but not the killings.

  Howard asked the guys if they have the clip of OJ. He had the clip and said he's not sure what show this is but they didn't mention that at all. Howard played the clip of the show interviewing OJ and getting all excited to have him on. The host read through his history but left out that one big detail. Howard said it's like nothing else happened.

  Howard said Julie Chen wrote a book and left out all of her husband's stuff. He said that she wrote about loving god. He said it makes sense. He said Jesus doesn't cheat on you. He said Les Moonves was maybe the most powerful man in show business. He said after he disgraces you then you have to find god. He said he's less powerful than Les sort of. He said that she went on some TV show and she wanted to talk about god and they wanted to talk about Les. Of course Julie didn't want to talk about that.

  Howard said he takes a little bit of delight in Les being known as a scum bag. He said he did sue him for no apparent reason. He said he cost him some dough and some sleep. He said that was not fun. Robin said she thinks their lawyers are in the building and never leave. Howard said he cried in front of Les. He said he had met with all of management and they knew he was leaving to go to Sirius. He said they were fine with it. He said then they sued him when he left. He said the point is that the guy was really mean to him. He said he went to Les and asked him why he's doing this to him. He said they were sort of friendly at the time. He said Les said he didn't have a good answer for him. He said Les didn't even know why they were suing. He said he had to bring someone in to explain it. He said he ended up crying in front of Les. He said he was really upset. He said he didn't take mercy on him. He said he sobered up and decided to fuck with Les on his own. He said he went on Letterman and wore a ''I hate Les Moonves'' shirt and found out more about him. He said Les ended up caving. He said he was very consumed with what people thought of him. He said he was pretty mean to him.

  Howard said even after all of that he likes Julie. He said they had her on the show a bunch of times. He said she managed to stay with Les after all of that. He said according to what he read she wasn't into god before all of that. He said something bad happened and she got into god.

  Howard played a clip of Julie talking to the host of whatever show she was on and answering questions about Les and what happened there. Julie said she wasn't there to talk about that. She said she was there to talk about the book. She did talk a little bit about what she went through.

  Howard said Julie was so hot. He said he remembers running into her and Les at a clothing store. He said he and Les sat there while their wives were trying on clothes. He said Julie came out modeling stuff for Les. He said he thought she looked really good.

  Howard said someone told him that Julie has a prayer bench. He said she must get away from Les and prays at a bench.

  JD came in and said that she was doing that interview with Juju Chang. Howard asked if JD just called him JewJew. JD said that's the name of the woman who Julie was being interviewed by. Howard said he'd go by JewJewJew if he was getting into the business now.

  JD said Julie was talking about this area where she has benches and a big cross and that's where she sits and prays. Howard asked if they show her doing that. JD said they do not. He said they do show the area though. Howard asked if Les has a big prayer bench in his back yard. JD said he's assuming that's where it is. Howard did his Les Moonves impression and had him talking about the prayer bench in his yard. He had him talking about Juju Chang and wondering how hot she is.

  Howard said he's sure they had some general managers who called him JewJew. He said he won't mention any names. Robin said many of them were not that great but she doesn't think they did that. Howard was still in his Les Moonves voice and talking about Julie and Juju. He had Les praying that he gets pussy again some day. Robin wondered if she changed sexually after finding Jesus. Howard had Les saying yes she did. He said now it's only missionary position and no more fashion shows. He said he went to the prayer bench and prayed or death. He said he's too much of a pussy to kill himself.

  Howard said he didn't mean to get sidetracked. He was still doing the Les voice and talking about Julie's prayer bench. He said there's nothing worse than coming home and finding out your wife wants something like that.

  Howard said he doesn't mean to kick him when you're down but he did treat him kind of bad. JD came back in and said they can put up a picture of the prayer bench. Howard took a look and said that's a nice setup. He said that Juju is hot too. He said look at them. Robin said that bench does look like something you'd find in a park.

  Howard as Les said how about that Juju. He said it reminds him of a young Julie. Howard said he's not that familiar with Juju. He said she's married to Neil Shapiro. He said she's Juju and married to a Jew. He said Neil is the CEO of WNET in New York City. He said alright then. Fred played audio of Ronnie reciting some stuff from his bar mitzvah. Howard said Juju Shapiro is an interesting name.

  Howard said Julie said she had a low opinion of herself before finding god. He played a clip of Julie talking about how she was a shallow person before all of this stuff. She said she was Julie Chen but now she's Julie Chen Moonves who wants to help others.

  Howard said he has another clip of Julie starting the interview with a prayer. Howard played that clip. Howard said that prayer was kind of lame.

  Howard read some details about Julie and her history with the god stuff. She had ignored that stuff most of her life until getting into it not too many years ago. Howard said in 2018 her life was turned upside down and she got into god then.

  Howard said it doesn't explain what happened in her life so maybe it wasn't the Les thing. Robin said she's not sure what else happened to her that would be that big.

  Howard got back to Dancing with the Stars and said that Xochitl Gomez is another contestant. He said she was in Dr. Strange. He said Charity Lawson is another one. He said she's a Bachelorette. He said Matt Walsh will be on the show too. He said he didn't know who he was but it turns out he's on the show Veep. Howard said Ariana Madix is another one. He said Mauricio Umansky is on the show. He said there's also Harry Jowsey and Lele Pons who is a YouTuber. He said he didn't know you could get on that show being a YouTuber. He said that's pretty awesome.

  Howard said there's the cast. He said Robin knew most of the people. Robin said she knew almost everyone Howard did. Howard said she knew more than he did.

• Phone Calls, Football And More. 09/20/23. 7:55am
  Howard took a call from a guy who said he'd like him to ask Paul about George Harrison. Howard said he will. He said everyone is making him very uptight with the questions. He said he's going to see how it goes and figure out what he can talk to him about. He said he just wants to have a nice conversation with Paul. Robin said he's very deep and thoughtful. Howard said you don't write the songs he wrote without being deep.

  Howard took a call from fake Xochitl Gomez and bailed on the bit very quickly. Howard read about some of the contestants on Dancing with the Stars.

  Howard said Monday Night Football has a new theme. He said it's Chris Stapleton and Snoop Dogg covering In the Air Tonight. Howard played the song and said the guys were telling him that a dude died at the Patriots game. Robin said he was a fan in the stands. Howard said some guy knocked the guy out and he hit his head and died. Howard said he's surprised that doesn't happen more. He said people go to the stadium and start drinking at 8am for a 3pm game.

  Gary told Howard about some of these people who drink and bring mobile homes to these places to start drinking and eating early. Robin said this guy got beat up and killed over wearing the wrong shirt. Howard said Will said he went to a game once and got so wasted he was asleep for the second quarter. Will came in and said he was covered in snow when he woke up. He said he was in college at the time.

  Will said he was removed from a game once for his own safety because security thought he was going to get beat up.

  Gary said he went to a game once with his kid. He said that everyone drinks there. He said that they made an announcement that you can't bring beverages in with you. He said one guy smashed his beer against the wall and glass was flying all over. He said that all of these other guys did the same thing. He said it scared the shit out of his kid.

  Howard said Richard's eyes won't focus this morning and he thinks that it's from COVID. Will said he was a mess yesterday. He said he thinks he's getting worse. Howard said Richard has those kids screaming in the house. Richard said he's not sure what's going on but his eyes won't focus today. Howard asked how many fingers he has up. Richard said 11. Howard said it's zero. He said that he doesn't think he was able to focus when he did have COVID. He said he hopes he feels better.

  Howard asked if Richard stopped drinking for this. Richard said he did. He said he's not feeling up for that. Howard said Richard's parents warned him not to see a dentist when he got to New York. He said Richard went and found out he had 15 cavities.

  Howard asked what he means about his eyes not focusing. Richard said his vision is blurry. He said he has COVID so he can't go into an office. He said he has never had that happen before. He said he has had that when he drinks. Howard said in high school he was voted most likely to go to a dentist and die.

  Richard said he got dental insurance when he got there to Sirius. He said he was all excited about that and he did have to get a lot of work done. Howard said Richard yelled at Sal for brushing his teeth and told him all he has to do is wipe them down with a towel.

  Fred said that he's reading about this vision thing and they say that it can lead to sudden, permanent blindness. He said he may want to take that seriously.

  Gary said one reason you don't want to get it is that he's living like a divorced dad. He said he has to eat in another room. He said he's watching TV by himself in another room and not allowed to be around anyone.

  Howard said he thinks the guy that blew it with the NFL was that Hank Williams Jr. dude. He said that he had to be fired for saying some weird shit. He played some audio of him comparing Obama to Hitler and things like that.

  Howard said it's great to have exposure like that and then you go and screw it up. Howard played some audio of Hank Williams comparing President Obama to Hitler on FOX News. Howard said that cost him his job with the NFL.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a question about his hobbies. He asked if he liked chess or painting more. Howard said each of his hobbies can make him feel bad. He said he had to stop with chess because he does not like losing. He said sometimes you lose to 11 year olds. He said he doesn't want to feel that way. He said sometimes he would play online and people won't end the game. He said you're supposed to resign. He said they lose their queen and they stop playing. He said they let the clock run out. He said that he'll congratulate someone and end the game if he loses. He said just say goodbye.

  Howard said what he does now is sign up as a beginner. He said that way he can win every time. He said he gets upset if someone can play well as a beginner. Howard said these people just sit there.

  Howard said painting drives him crazy too. He said it's insanely difficult. He said it reminds him of composing a song. He said it's really hard to come up with something out of nothing.

  The caller asked if it's harder competing with someone else or with himself. Howard said it's with himself. He said he calls himself a moron when he's trying to do something. He said that comes from his dad calling him a moron. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.

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• Fan Feedback And Calls. 09/20/23. 8:25am
  After the break they played a montage of prank names sent into radio shows, a ''Insurrection/Erection'' song parody, a ''What Did Gary Eat This Summer'' bit and The Cult's ''Lil' Devil''.

  Howard came back and talked the song up as a top 40 DJ. Howard said he read that Larry Chance died. He said he was a Do Wop singer. He said he was very well known and on the Imus show. Howard said that guy was fine when he was at WNBC.

  Howard said they talked to Richard about his vision during the break. He said he told him to do something. He said he's from Kansas so he just waits for it to get better. Howard said he'd be panicking if he had that going on. He said they need him for Cocktober so get better. Richard said he already messaged his doctor. He said he wants to get on it so he can put those fizzies in his butt. Howard said they can't fire him if he becomes handicapped. He said they have to keep him around.

  Howard let Richard go and got to some fan feedback. He said that fans were writing in about Lenny Dykstra and how he found a cure to get himself real wood. He said Lenny is feeling a lot better now that he doesn't have to take gas station dick pills. Howard read some of the feedback and someone mentioned Lenny talking about his 70 year old drug dealer. Howard didn't remember hearing that but Robin did. Someone wrote in about how it was too early to hear Lenny talking about his penis.

  Howard said Lenny was so charged up after the show that he left a message for Robin. He played a clip where Lenny said he can get wood again and it's real wood. He said he'll reroute Robin. He asked if she has a bush. He said he'll inject into her hard and fast. He said he knows there's a bush there.

  Howard said as far as he knows there is no bush there. Robin said he won't get a chance to see that. She said he might as well have Richard's blurry vision. She said she has zero interest in Lenny. Howard played a song that Lenny sang about what he'd do to a woman. He said it might be too early for that stuff. He tried another song and that was just as graphic. He tried one more where Lenny sang about eating Robin out. Robin wondered how he keeps going. Howard said he knows what she means.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a doctor and the COVID thing affects all the muscles in your body so that's why Richard is having eye problems. He said that he should speak to a doctor. He said it's tough to do that over a video call.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked when Robin is going to just get with Lenny one time. Howard said Robin heard that message and found god just like Julie Chen. He said she got her own prayer bench.

  Howard said a lot of people wrote in about Ronnie's wedding. He said fans wanted more of that. He read through some of that feedback.

• Bubba Bails On Ronnie. 09/20/23. 8:35am
  Howard said they have some breaking news for Ronnie. He said this is real. He said Ronnie is going to be upset. He said that he'll say he's not but he will be. Howard had Ronnie on and asked if he's sitting down. Ronnie said he is. Howard said Bubba the Love Sponge is not going to Ronnie's wedding. He said people wrote in about that yesterday. Ronnie asked when he did that. Howard said it was yesterday.

  Howard played a clip from Bubba's show where he talked about the wedding and how he won't be able to make it. He said he has to call and cancel. He said he'll get a hold of him and let him know.

  Ronnie said he never called. Howard said he knew he'd be upset. Ronnie said he and his girl were supposed to be coming. He said it would be nice if he called. Howard said he is pissed. Ronnie said he just finished making the arrangements and now they have to rearrange. Howard said he has to tell you something. He said that he knew Ronnie would be upset but he had to find out quick. He said he knows that he was excited to have this celebrity there. Ronnie said it's fine but just let him know. He said these other fucking assholes who never responded can suck his ass. Howard said don't tempt him. Ronnie said they all know who they are. Howard said he hears how upset he is. He said he knew he'd blow a gasket.

  Ronnie said he's paying for this shit so that's why he's upset. Howard said celebrities live in a different world. He said he knew he'd be upset. Bubba mentioned that he was going to some monster truck thing. Ronnie said that's at his race track. He said it's at Bubba Raceway Park. He said just call him and tell him. He said he doesn't listen to his fucking show. He said he was very nice to Howard about it when he said he wasn't going. Howard said he heard that Bubba isn't going because he's not going.

  Howard took a call from fake Bubba who explained why he isn't going and how he can send a replacement. He said he was waiting for Howard to go and he's not going so Ronnie knows how it goes.

  Howard said what he'll do is mention that he's going to the wedding and Bubba will be back in. He said he heard the monster truck thing is pretty great so he has a good excuse. Robin asked why he has to be there. Ronnie said he has to be at his own track. He said he has to be there. He said he has to drive you around in his truck where the doors open when you drive around.

  Ronnie thanked Bubba for the call. Howard said he's just the messenger. Ronnie said he's glad he told him. He said it's like the other assholes who didn't even respond. He said they had people who didn't respond at all. He said they know who they are. Howard said Ralph. Ronnie said not him. He said he talked to him. He said he just doesn't know how to say no. He said they had a nice long conversation.

  Howard said this is what happens with weddings. Ronnie said just say no. Howard said he's sorry. He said he has to take a break and get to Paul Simon. He said Toni is going to come in and doll up his hair. He said he'll pee again so he can get it all out. He said he hates interviewing someone feeling like he has to pee.

  Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to thank him for having Paul Simon on today. She said she can sing along with every word of the music he plays. Howard said here isn't a person in this world who hasn't heard of Paul Simon. He said it's unbelievable. Robin said they don't play rock music everywhere. Howard said yes they do.

  The caller said they have to play Win Fred's Money with Memet to put him in his place. Howard said alright. He said that Fred might be able to do that.

  Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.

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• Paul Simon Visits. 09/20/23. 8:50am
  After the break they played Billy Joel's ''The Downeaster Alexa'', a ''Gary's Vacation'' bit, a phony phone call to an oil delivery company using clips of Howard talking about contracts, a prank call to Wendy the Slow Adult where Howard asked if Wendy can lend him some money and Paul McCartney & Wings ''Let Me Roll It.''

  Howard came back and asked Paul Simon if this is a great song. Paul said this might be his favorite post Beatles song. Howard said he's sitting there with Paul Simon if you're just tuning in. Howard let the song play and said it's simple. Paul said it's a nice little rock riff. He said he's pretty sure that's Paul playing. Howard said it is.

  Howard said this is exciting. He said he's in studio now and he feels like he's waited a lifetime for this. He said his sister had a record collection and the only good album she had was the first Simon & Garfunkel album ''Sounds of Silence.'' Howard said there were so many great songs on it. Paul said he's glad he liked it. Howard said the whole world liked it.

  Howard said he was watching a YouTube video where this guy said he could teach you how to play like Paul Simon. He said it made his head spin. He said he realizes just how great he is as a guitar player. He asked if Paul thinks the world knows how good he is. Paul said he thinks now they do. He said there are different ways of playing and he plays in a certain way. He said acoustic playing in rock and roll is in this way. He played a song for Howard and said that's Johnny Cash and Luther Perkins. He said then there's this. He played another couple of songs for Howard and said Elvis played like that. He said the great acoustic player is this and said it was Don Everly. Howard said that really got them going when they heard the Everly Brothers. Paul said they didn't get them going. He said they had a group of guys who played together and played Do-wop songs. He said he and Art lived near each other but the other guys lived far away.

  Howard asked Paul if the other guys begged to be back in the group when they hit. Paul said he lost touch with them. He said they went to different schools. He said he was in Forest Hills high school.

  Paul played a song and said that it was the first group they heard and it was something like Robert and Johnny. He sang the song that they heard way back then. He was playing all of that for Howard as he explained the music that got them started. He said the Everly brothers sang with Phil singing the harmony above the melody and others sang with it below the melody. He said the Sound of Silence is Art singing below. He explained how he sang above and below for certain songs. He said that the Beatles had quite a bit of harmony below. He said what you get is a different kind of duo sound. He said they started off with a pretty big piece of information with knowing they could sing that way.

  Howard tried to explain what it was he was saying. Paul played The Sound of Silence and asked Howard to sing with him. Paul played and said that Howard is good. He said he's in the wrong key. Paul said this is Howard and him doing cover songs. He said it's their first album together.

  Howard said if he was doing this with him he'd never leave to go do movies. He said he would have stuck around to do more albums. Paul said he sees where he's going. Howard said of course. He said that Art didn't stick around for him.

  Paul mentioned that the Ramones went to the same high school he did. Howard said they were great. He said he knew Joey.

  Howard asked Paul about the finger picking style he has. Howard said he's really nervous singing with him. Paul said to be honest it wasn't that great. Howard said he wishes he had the lyrics up. He said he doesn't want to screw it up. Paul said the listener completes the song. He said you sing what you know and that's what the song is. He said very often the song's lyrics are different but that's fine. He said sometimes they have a better understanding of what the song is than his understanding. He said it's valid because it supports their interpretation. He said it's very pleasurable as a writer to have that come to him from what the person hears.

  Howard said that blows his mind. He said that what he wrote doesn't matter in a sense. He said that he's already written it and it has a new meaning. He said that he just thinks about Metamucil now so that's what he writes about.

  Howard said he had Steve Miller on. Paul said that Steve is a great philosopher of music. He said he thinks his band was one of the really great rock bands of that style. He said it's really good rock and roll. He said from what he understands he's a very good band leader. He said his records were pristine. Howard said he did a special for them and did an acoustic set for them. He said that his songs took on different meanings for him when he did it that way. He said he's not shocked to hear that Paul likes him. He said he thinks the same way. Paul said he's really underrated. He said the Allmans are also up at the top. He said that he didn't get to know them. Howard said he saw them early on and they got booed off the stage at the time. He said it was crazy. Paul said they were a great band. Howard said they were amazing.

  Howard said he wanted to talk about some of his influences. He said they're all over the place. He said that this was an influence. He said this was ''Mr. Lee''. Paul said he loved that record as a kid. He said during the pandemic he and Edie were going to do a cover of that song. He said he was listening to that album and what they were playing back then was very sophisticated. He said it's not a simple thing. He played some of that for Howard. He said the guitar part was very good and so was the guitar part. He said it's not a typical band. He said the band is credited by name on the album. He said they knew what they were doing rhythmically.

  Howard asked Paul about his dad who played in a band and was a very accomplished musician. Paul told Howard about what that was like. Howard said his dad would tell him what he listened to was garbage. Paul said he didn't say that. He said it was close to that. He said it was ''dumb.'' He said his father could play all kinds of music. He said they were trained to play different types of music. He said it was whatever they were trained to do. He said for him to listen to something like he was into it wasn't his thing.

  Howard asked if his dad was encouraging to him. Paul said he was. He said he bought him his first guitar. He said he told him not to be a musician. He said he told him to learn to play and he'd work his way through college. He said his mother told him not to be a musician because he'd never be home on Saturday nights. Howard said no one wanted their kids to be artists or musicians back then.

  Howard asked if he has songs about his father. Paul said not that many. He was strumming his guitar again and playing some of the stuff Howard was asking about. Howard said he has a very meaningful lyric when he sings ''I am a rock I am an Island...'' He said that must be about his father. He said he's such a great lyricist. He said he knows it was about his father. Paul said it's not but it could have been. He said it wasn't but he's sure there are songs that he can think of that are not well known. He said that one is on his Hearts and Bones album. He said the song is ''Think Too Much'' and the song has a reference to his father. He said there is a song called ''Further to Fly'' that's about his father. He said that was about his demise that was going to happen. He said he had cancer at the time. He said he lasted a pretty long time. He said there are probably others. He said Graceland is about him being a father. He said that would be an interesting subject to write about.

  Howard asked if his father was physical with him or was he distant. Paul said he wasn't really physical or distant. He said he never thought of him as distant. He said he didn't have any example of someone being affectionate.

  Howard asked Paul about writing some song with his father. Paul said he doesn't think he did. Howard said he did. Howard said he used the name True Taylor. Paul said he was 16 then. He said his father played bass on that album. He said he made some other stuff at that age and he did play on it. Howard asked if he said he can't compete with him because he'd lose. Paul said that was way later.

  Howard said it's kind of sad to hear that. Paul said you could say that. He said he didn't think that way. He said he's not sure how he actually thought. He said he's thinking now about what his reaction to it is now. He said his father was a successful musician and he supported a middle class family. He said he was a working musician. He said he worked and played dance music and played the Jackie Gleason show and things like that occasionally. He said his father didn't get to bring him along. He said they got to see him on TV at times.

  Howard said he gave a speech somewhere and said something about Alan Freed. He said he thanked him for playing his song for 2 weeks. He said something about him playing songs and if they didn't hit in 2 weeks then he'd stop playing them. Paul said that he was better than Dick Clark. He said he had an experience with Dick. Howard said Paul was just 16 years old when he did that. He said he was 16 and wrote ''Hey School Girl'' and got on American Bandstand. Paul said it was unbelievable. He said it was a teenage dream. He said he got to go to Philadelphia. He said he got to go on that show and they went into the dressing room and in there was Jerry Lee Lewis. He said they were taping multiple shows then and Jerry was there. He said he thought he was a scary guy and he was not from his neighborhood.

  Paul said the thing with Dick is that he was a nice guy but when you played the show you had to belong to the union AFTRA. He said scale was like $221 to do the show. He said that was big for him. He said he was getting like $15 allowance a week. He said you had to sign the check over to Dick Clark. He said he kept the money. He said that they had to do the record pressing with him too. He said with Alan Freed you had to do the B-side with him. He said he got caught up in that Payola thing and he died a few years after that. He said he died young.

  Paul said the Alan Freed show was called the Moon Dog show. He said that Moon Dog was a New Yorker who was an interesting musician. He said they changed the name of the show because the real Moon Dog didn't want them using that name. He said Alan changed the show to the Alan Freed Rock and Roll show. He said that's the first time he heard the term rock and roll.

  Howard said Paul got started playing at the age of 13. He said he has this style of picking. Paul said he didn't start with that. He said he started with a flat pick. He said his father taught him how to play ''Earth Angel''. He played that for Howard. He said those chords fit maybe 90 percent of the songs at that time. He said it was all of the early rock ballads. Howard said he's using his right hand in a way where he picks. Paul said now he does. He said he didn't start out like that.

  Howard said it takes a lot of dexterity to play the way he does. He said he learned that watching that YouTube guy. Paul said he has evolved over the years. He said he learned to finger pick when he moved to England at the age of 22. Howard asked if he moved there because he felt fed up with America. Paul said he wasn't fed up but felt wounded by it when Kennedy was assassinated. Howard said those were dark times. He said it seems worse now. Paul said he can't tell. He said it was rough back then. He said there was a lot going on. He said it might be worse or it might be equivalent.

  Paul demonstrated the finger picking. Paul said your thumb is always moving. He said the other fingers go along like that. He was playing for Howard. Paul sang and played for Howard a little bit. He showed different ways of finger picking. He said he used to use picks but now he only uses his nails but he uses an acrylic to strengthen them. He said he has a song that he was fooling around with. He played some of that for Howard.

  Howard said when he has something like he does on Seven Psalms where he does that hook thing it's great. Paul said that was inspired by the folk music of the 60s. He played some of that for Howard.

  Howard asked if he's obsessed with a riff like that and if Edie is there listening to him playing it over and over again. Paul said yes. Howard said it must be maddening to people. Paul said that Edie was into the album right from the beginning. He said she said that some day he'd see people playing that lick. Howard said it must be hard to play. Paul said not for him.

  Paul said that he's a good guitar player but you can never come to the end of what you can learn from it. Howard asked if he gets up in the morning and wants to play. Paul said he feels like if he doesn't play he's uncomfortable. He said he plays every day. He said he doesn't really practice. He said he's just fooling around with stuff. He said the last stuff he fooled around with was this. He played some stuff for Howard. He said what he's fooling around with is a certain guitar pattern. He said that comes from going back to ''Why Don't You Write Me'' by The Jacks. He said that's where that pattern comes from. He explained going between chords and how he just plays around. He said he may write a song around that eventually. He got really detailed about all of that. It all went right over my head so I can't explain what he was talking about.

  Howard asked Paul about spending a lifetime on the music and they haven't even talked about the lyrics yet. Paul said the music comes first. He said Bridge Over Troubled Water was a song he wanted to be on piano. He said he didn't even want it on guitar. He said he thought of it as a piano song immediately. He told Howard the bands that inspired him on that song. He said Howard wouldn't get it if he told him how he got that. Howard said he gets that. He said that he learned to paint from the masters. He said that he has to let his mind open up and build on it. He said that's what Paul was doing. Paul said it was. Howard said he has to hear something and start strumming to hear a song. Paul said you can learn to play guitar and study what came before you. He said a lot of rock and roll guys studied blues guys. He said he's sure that Hendrix did that. Howard asked if he knew him. Paul said he did and he jammed with him. He said he tried to jam with him but he's not sure he could keep up. He said Jimi was a great guitar player. He said he was there when he set his guitar on fire. He said he thought it was a great act of showmanship. He said he never did that himself. He said The Who were also on the bill that day. He said they smashed their guitars on stage. He said he remembers from living in London seeing The Who do that and being horrified by it. He said that you have to save up so long to get a guitar. He said he didn't get that pleasure out of it. He said the fire thing was interesting. He said The Grateful Dead were between Hendrix and The Who. He said they were going to be introduced to the national audience at the time. He said they seemed uninteresting in comparison.

  Howard asked if he liked hanging out with other musicians. He said he thinks of Paul in a separate category. He said he has such his own style. He said that he'd think that he didn't do the hang. Paul said he did hang out with musicians but not a lot of stars. He said he was around musicians all the time when his dad had them around. He said he was able to play with South African musicians because they all talk the language of music. He said when you talk the language of stardom it's different. He said the Rolling Stones were at the Monterey Pop Festival and he Brian Jones was there in a dress. He said he wasn't about to start asking him questions. He said other musicians he can hang with. He said Wynton Marsalis is one he loved spending time with. Howard said they speak the same language. Paul said on several levels. He said they did hang out and he never really listened to rock and roll. He said he grew up in New Orleans and he was a prodigy. He said he told Wynton about some great stuff being in rock music. He suggested he listen to Chuck Berry. He said Chuck influenced the whole next generation. He said there's no one who wasn't influenced by his song writing. He said Wynton would take notes. He said then he got into jazz himself. Paul talked about Charlie Parker and how great he was.

  Howard said that the mystery of music is really something else. He said it's interesting that a song can just come from nowhere. Paul said that the Seven Psalms came from a dream. He said he woke up and wrote down 7 songs on January 15, 2019. He said he has the piece of paper. Howard said he got really sad reading all of this. He read some of what Paul wrote. He said he's not sure where he came up with stuff. He asked what he thinks it is. Paul said he thinks he'd have to credit Bob Dylan for being someone who wrote lyrics that were not teen oriented. He said that opened the door to his imagination. He said that you can write about anything. He said the early Dylan stuff is extraordinary. He said after that he loses interest. He said he's a great acoustic player too. He said he doesn't think he plays guitar anymore. He said he thinks he just plays piano.

  Howard asked if he ever hung out with Dylan. Paul said he toured with him but they never sat down and talked about music.

  Howard asked Paul about worrying about his safety as a performer because a guy jumped on stage one time. Paul said he saw that happening and he wondered if the guy was dangerous. He said he didn't know how he got on stage. Howard said Art didn't do anything to help him out. Paul said Art wasn't going to punch anyone. He said he's not that kind of guy.

  Howard said Paul has an expertise about explaining music. He said he's not a regular musician. Paul explained what his songs on the new album Seven Psalms is about. He said that what he wrote is what he wants you to hear. He said the critics never really get it right. He said that you can describe what's happening musically. Howard said he's listening to it and he gets to this lyrics in ''Love is Like a Braid'' and recited what blew his mind. Howard said that sums up his entire life. He said he's describing sorrows in his childhood but something major happens in your life and it makes the other sorrows seem like sweet indulgences. Paul said that he was thinking about the loss of hearing he had and how he lost his parents too. He said the hearing loss was gradual but he ended up losing it when he had surgery. Paul asked if he can take a break. Howard said absolutely. He let him go piss while he played a song.

  Howard said he has about 20 songs to ask Paul about. He said there's just so much there. He and Robin spent a few minutes killing time with that while Paul was gone. He played some songs too.

  Paul came back and Howard said he has too much to ask him. He told Paul about his parents sending him to Hebrew school and how he could have learned guitar instead. He said he should have done that. He said he learned to paint instead. He said it's similar to music. Paul said it really is. He told Howard about the cover of Seven Psalms being a Thomas Moran painting. Howard said he had a feeling it was a Moran.

  Howard asked Paul about being married to Edie Brickell and what that's like. He said he remembers seeing her on the Letterman show and she was so fucking cute. Paul said that's pretty much what he said. Howard asked if it's true that he asked Lorne Michaels if he could come down to watch her. Paul said he did tell him he was coming but not the reason why. He said that's one of the advantages to fame. He said there are a lot of disadvantages too. He said his feeling is that fame is a poison. He said if you take it in small doses it's like a medicine.

  Howard said he thinks that everyone on earth knows who he is. He said he wants to get back to Edie. He said he went to Saturday Night Live to see her. He said she was doing her thing on Saturday Night Live and she looks and sees Paul sitting there and almost fell apart. He said she idolized him. Paul said he was standing next to the camera. He said she saw him and she liked his music before she met him. He said she lost her place in the song. He said after the show they were talking and she asked how old he was. He said he wasn't thinking about marrying her some day. He said he was 47 at the time and he asked how old she was. He said she was like 24. He said there was a 24 year difference. He said it was silence between them for a few seconds. He said that he asked if she was going to play in New York. He said that she was playing at The Bottom Line. He said he went to see her do that. He said he went back stage to see her but the room was packed with people. He said he ended up leaving but he called her up and asked how much time she had before the next set and he asked her to go out to dinner. He said that was their first date.

  Howard asked if things progressed quickly. Paul said they did. He said he went to Texas to see her and she picked him up. He said she had this 1972 pick up truck. He said they went to the parking lot when she picked up him at the airport. He said that was their first trip together. He said they went to a swamp in Louisiana for their first trip. He told Howard about that trip and how you could go out there for a week and not see many people. He said they spent the night out there in the swamp. He said it was great. Howard asked if he really thought it was great. Paul said he did. He said Edie loves that kind of stuff too.

  Howard said he must not be able to tune that out. Paul said that some of the sounds Edie has are from recordings of things like that. He said he has been to Kenya and they record sounds there. He said they make it on their albums too. Paul said they went to this migration that happens in Africa and it was fantastic. He said Edie recorded all of these sounds. Howard said he must have loved that. Paul said there's so many things to love about Edie.

  Howard said he has to ask about so many things. He said he has to ask about 50 Ways TO Leave Your Lover and Still Crazy After all These Years. Paul said that Still Crazy After All These Years is sort of autobiographical. Howard asked if he was suicidal at that time. Paul said no. Howard said he didn't know what to do but then he wrote ''50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.'' Paul said that song has two different elements to it. He said it was this chord pattern. He played that for Howard. Howard said there's a note in there that's interesting. Paul played it again for him.

  Paul said he was using a drum machine back then. He said he was teaching his son about rhymes and that's how he came up with the lyrics. He said the drum part was one of the most sampled parts. He said that was Steve Gad playing drums on the song. He said that he was maybe one of the greatest drummers of his generation. Howard played some of the song and asked how that came about. Paul said that he was playing the song for Steve and he played in the Army Corps and he thought it should go like that so he played that.

  Howard said he's thinking about the song Cecilia now. Paul said those drums were all created. He went through a story about that song and how they came up with the drum beat. He said they were recording it on a portable recording device that was very high quality. He said they went on for 8-10 minutes. He said he listened back to it and the recorder had a slap back. He said that's how they came up with that sound. He said they made a loop of about a minute and 15 second part of that recording. They had a 3 minute and 30 second loop that they could write a song to. Then Paul went back to his guitar and explained how he came up with the rest of the song.

  Howard played another song and said he comes up with a lot of interesting sounds. Paul explained how he came up with some of the sounds on the song Howard had just played. He got really detailed in his explanations about how he came up with this stuff.

  Paul asked if he was talking too much. Howard said he can talk as much as he wants. He told him to let him know when he's done talking to him. Paul kept going with this really, really long explanation about this ''El Condor Pasa (If I Could)'' and how that came about.

  Howard asked Paul about going to England and this guy Tom Wilson took The Sound of Silence and made his own arrangement. Paul said the song was getting played but Tom wanted to re-release it with electric guitar and drums on it. He said he was fine with that. He said he heard it and didn't hate it. He thought it was okay. Howard played some of the song.

  Howard said Paul must have heard this and thought he's a lot better than he could imagine. Paul said he did think that he was doing better than he usually did. He said he likes this song a lot. He said he does it completely different now. He said that was an electric version. He said the way he plays and sings it now the song has become something different. He said he wasn't here on September 11. He said a friend said they played him singing it on the 10th anniversary of 9/11. Paul broke into the song and did it the way he does it now. He said the song has changed its meaning over the years. Howard said it has gravi tas now. Paul said most of what you wrote 30-40 years ago is date. He said that song is something different now. He said he really liked Disturbed when they covered it. Howard said he did too. Howard played a little bit of that cover. Howard said he flipped out over that.

  Howard asked if he called those guys. Paul said he did call. He said that he was pleased that he called. He said he could have had a bad reaction. Howard said he likes the Lemonheads ''Mrs. Robinson.'' Paul said that's okay. He said it sounds okay now. Howard said it does sound good. Paul said it does sound good.

  Howard said he didn't like Elvis' version of Bridge Over Troubled Waters. Paul said he didn't either. He said he loved Elvis in 1957 to 1959. Howard played some of that song and Paul said the problem with that they should have let Elvis sing the song in his own way instead of doing it like they did it. Paul said he liked the Aretha Franklin version. Howard said he didn't like that so much.

  Howard said he liked The Bangles cover of ''Hazy Shade of Winter''. Paul said he did too. He said that was good.

  Howard said the funniest thing was when Steve Martin came out and said that he helped him out with 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover because he only had 47 ways when he came in.

  Howard said Paul must like having comedians in his life. Paul said he and Lorne have known each other since before Saturday Night Live even came around. He said he did the second show. Howard said that show changed television. He asked if he recognized that in him. Paul said he just liked him and he didn't know what was going to happen. He said the people on Saturday Night Live were funny to hang out with. He said they were fun. He said Lorne has a great gift of recognizing talent. He said he's an extraordinary editor too. He said they're still neighbors in New York.

  Howard said putting Chevy Chase in ''you Can Call Me Al'' was genius. Paul said that was Lorne's idea. Howard said he has the feeling that he didn't like that part of the business. Paul said it was funny and he did like doing it. He said it was very simple too. He said for him the power of hearing the music is much more emotionally intense than seeing it. He said it changed what music was about. He said music went away because it became more visual than oral. He said he likes listening to it and not looking at it.

  Howard said he knows he tried using drugs to see if he could enhance the process. He said maybe some pot. He said he took some acid trips. Paul said he didn't like that. He said he liked Ayahuasca. He said he hasn't done that in 23 years or so. Howard asked if he went to a shamen. Paul said he had it on that Amazon trip he went on. He said he wrote a song about that called Spirit Voices. He said he didn't do it again until the late 90s. He said he stopped in 2000. He said he had a bad experience. He said he had many great experiences with it but then he had a really bad one and stopped. He said he's not a big proponent of those type of drugs. He said he would have learned this stuff over time. He said that they did help him connect some things. He said the pot experience was a big waste of time. He said it was a waste because it fed you a lot of misinformation. He said after the experience he had to wonder if he was really incredible or not. He said he learned something with that. He said that if you smoke often you get negative thoughts. He said that he had a voice telling him in his head that he wasn't that good. He said he was asking who the fuck he thinks he is.

  Howard said his mother once said to him that Art had a fine voice and his voice wasn't that good. He said that's the voice in his head. Paul said that voice is in your head and you think it's truthful. He said it may not be. He said it's just wasting your time with something that's shutting you down.

  Howard asked Paul if he can imagine starting out today with the internet and all of that. Paul said it would be brutal. He said he can't read the comments out there. He said he doesn't read the critics.

  Howard said the relationship he had with Art Garfunkel was interesting. He said Paul was so smart that he went to law school. Paul said he went there because his friends were taking the law boards. He said he took them and scored very high. Howard asked what his IQ is. Paul said he's not sure. He said he never measured. He said he thinks you had to have at least a 120 IQ to get into those board tests.

  Howard said Paul was starting out in his career and Art was his security blanket. He said then they fast forward to when he'd had enough and Art wasn't playing the game and kept him waiting in the studio. He said that divorce had to be tough. Howard asked Paul if it's true he put himself into therapy 4 days a week. Paul said that's not true. He said what happened with him and Art wasn't Art's fault. He said after they did The Graduate the director asked them both to be in Catch 22. He said they were thrilled. He said the next summer the director called and said they cut out his character because it was too long. He said he didn't take it that hard. He said he was okay with Art being in it. He said he was in favor of him being in it. He said he even wrote a song about him going to Albuquerque to shoot it. He said the band was at their peak after The Graduate. He said they were probably as big as the Beatles. Howard said absolutely.

  Howard said just listen to these songs. He played a bunch of hits that Simon and Garfunkel had around that time. Paul said Art was very excited to be in that movie with very gifted people. Howard said he gets it. Paul said there was a tug of war over taste and how to do things. He said they didn't agree on everything. He said that they have been friends since they were 12 years old but their musical inclinations led to arguments. He said the arguments could stop them cold. He said they had to wait for Art to come back to fill in and do his part in the songs. He said his head was in the movie and he gets that. Howard said he gets it.

  Paul said that Chuck Grodin was in Catch 22 and he heard from him that Art was doing Mike's next movie .He said he didn't know that. He said that movie was ''Carnal Knowledge.'' He said he asked Art if he was doing it and he said yes. He asked why he didn't tell him. He said Art said he was afraid that he'd stop working on Bridge Over Troubled Water. He said that's when he knew he had to get out of there.

  Paul said he was married and talked to his wife about it. He said she said he didn't have to worry because he writes all the songs. He said he talked to the head of the record company, Clive Davis, and he told him he was making the biggest mistake of his life. He said they would have broken up eventually anyway. He said Mick and Keith even broke up and got back together. He said there have been duos who broke up and got back together. He said it's about the business.

  Howard asked if he feels bad for guys like Pete Townshend who can't sing his songs. Paul said he's very lucky that he's able to sing still. He said his voice is still okay.

  Howard said handing Art Bridge Over Troubled Water must have been tough. Paul said he did a definitive version of that song. He said that Aretha did a great version too. He said he didn't sing that song for a long time. He said it was tough. Howard said that song is other worldly. He asked if he wanted to tell people he wrote the song. He said that he did want to tell people but he thought that Art did a wonderful job with it. He said that he thinks he came out and sang the last verse on it. He said it doesn't matter. He said he did a great job with it. He said he'd rather sing Sound of Silence anyway.

  Howard said he heard that he has to let him go because he has an appointment. He said that he'd like to do a little more and let him go.

  Howard said he has to pish every minute so he gets it. Paul went to the bathroom again. Howard killed a few minutes talking about how moved he is with Paul being there. He and Robin talked about some things they had already talked about. Howard mentioned a couple of songs he wanted to talk about with Paul. He said he's running out of time. He said this is what happens with him.

  Paul came back in talking about some of the stuff Howard had mentioned while he was in the bathroom. Paul talked about playing baseball in high school and how he made the all star team. Howard said people don't know he was a great baseball player. Paul said he was just a high school player. He said he hit over 300. He said it had to do with skipping a grade. He said he was 16 and they didn't want him on the team because he was going to be a senior the next year.

  Howard said he thinks there's a book in this. He said he was on American Bandstand at 16 years old. He said that's when he lost his virginity. He said they must have been throwing themselves at him. Paul said it was a little bit later. He said it was an unfortunate thing that happened.

  Howard asked why he told Dick Clark that he was from Macon, Georgia. Paul said he was in his own dream world. He said that's where Little Richard came from so he wanted to be from there too. He said they asked Art where he came from and he just said ''Queens.''

  Howard asked Paul about selling his catalog. He said it's got to be big money. Paul said his kids are not interested in running the publishing company. He said they don't want that responsibility and he doesn't blame them. He said they're not going to run it so he figured he'd sell it now and get it out of the way. He doesn't regret doing that. He said it's a strange feeling not to have his hands on it. He said he has a lot of control over what can be done. He said they can't use Bridge Over Troubled Water for anything but public service announcements. Howard asked why they would buy the catalog and agree to that. Paul said that was the deal. He said it's not just that song but 10 songs he has specific control over.

  Paul said he's not great at finance but interest rates were so low that these companies had a lot of cash so they bought things up. He said money was very cheap. He said they went out and bought Bob's catalog and others. He said not the same company but a few people. Howard said Katy Perry just sold her's. Paul said that he didn't want to leave it as a burden to his kids. He said he did it and he's happy with it. He said he has a little bit of regret that he's not completely in control. Howard said he would imagine it's weird.

  Robin asked if Paul walks through a room and discovers where his music is on a commercial. Paul said he has approval of commercials. He said he's not allowed to withhold his approval except with a couple of songs.

  Howard said the new album is Seven Psalms. He said that he's honored to be in the same room as him. He said it's overwhelming to him. He said he can't thank him enough for doing this.

  Howard said he's watching this documentary called ''In Restless Dreams'' and he's about an hour into it. He said it's very good. Howard said he will wake up singing the lyric ''I dreamed I'm dying.'' He asked if he ever thinks about the greatest lyric he ever wrote. Paul said he may not have a favorite. He said maybe of the songs that came from a mysterious source there is something. He said he feels like the music comes through you at times. He said that you're a part of it but it comes from somewhere. He said that's why he woke up and wrote Seven Psalms. He said you have to be aware that these things are happening. He said Sounds of Silence and Bridge Over Troubled Water are a couple of those songs. He said Graceland is another.

  Howard asked Paul if there is a god. He said he needs to know. He asked if this is it or is he going somewhere. Paul said he can't answer those particular questions. He said that he believes that the planet he lives on is so beautiful and the universe is so awe inspiring then if that is the work of a creator then he says thank you for that work. He said he really digs what you're doing. He said if there's another explanation for it then he's very grateful for his existence. He said it doesn't matter to him where it comes from. He said he's grateful to be alive and there is good and evil out there. He said if you say there is no god he's not going to act in a way that's immoral. He said that settles the question for him. He said he may never know the answer to it. He said he's okay not knowing how a musician does a trick. He said he's content with being grateful and having an awe inspiring existence and being alive and that's the end of it. Howard said it's hard thinking that it may all just come to an end.

  Paul said he knows a Tibetan Lama who said that he believes that people are afraid that when you die you'll go into a dark endless thing. He said he believes that it lasts for about 3 weeks and then you become reincarnated. Paul said he's not inclined to believe that but the fact that he believes it makes him feel that it is a possibility.

  Howard said he'll leave the audience with a lyric from Seven Psalms. He said it's ''I'm not ready. I'm just packing my gear. Wait, my hand's steady, my mind is still clear.'' Howard said that's beautiful. He said that he has to thank him for coming in. He thanked him for doing all of that. Paul said he enjoyed their time. He said he hopes to see them together again.

  Howard wrapped up and gave Paul some plugs. He said he'd kiss him but he hasn't had his COVID shot yet so he's not interested. Howard ended the show around 11:30am.

• Thursday Replay Show - Monday Encore. 09/21/23. 7:00am
  Today's replay show was an encore of Monday's Howard Stern Show. You can read details for this week's live shows above. Here's what they played:
  • The Embarrassment Known As Lauren Boebert. 09/18/23. 7:00am
  • Obsessing About Paul Simon. 09/18/23. 7:10am
  • The Business Of Music. 09/18/23. 7:30am
  • Steve Miller Special And Fan Feedback. 09/18/23. 7:50am
  • Life And Death. 09/18/23. 8:15am
  • More Fan Feedback. 09/18/23. 8:30am
  • Seducing A Boebert. 09/18/23. 8:40am
  • Rapaport Snitches On Gary Over Nothing. 09/18/23. 8:50am
  • OJ Simpson Talk And High School Coach Clip. 09/18/23. 9:00am
  • ''JD's Celebrity Encounters'' Special. 09/18/23. 9:15am
  • More Death And Cocktober Talk. 09/18/23. 9:30am
  • Mary Morello's 100th Birthday. 09/18/23. 9:55am
  • Howard's Urine Sample, Mariann And More. 09/18/23. 10:05am
  • Does Howard Do Mundane Things? 09/18/23. 10:15am

• Friday Replay Show - Tuesday Encore. 09/22/23. 7:00am
  Today's replay show was an encore of Tuesday's Howard Stern Show. You can read details for this week's live shows above. Here's what they played:
  • Lenny Dykstra Found Hard Wood Solution. 09/19/23. 7:00am
  • Gary Has COVID. 09/19/23. 7:30am
  • Caller Catches 70 Year Old Dad Jerking Off. 09/19/23. 7:35am
  • Bill Maher's Podcast. 09/19/23. 8:00am
  • America's Got Talent Stories. 09/19/23. 8:15am
  • Ronnie's Wedding. 09/19/23. 8:35am
  • The World's Worst DJ. 09/19/23. 9:00am
  • Country Music. 09/19/23. 9:20am
  • Blitt Pranks Canadians. 09/19/23. 9:50am
  • Fan Feedback. 09/19/23. 10:00am