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Howard said Michael was in the Police Academy movies and in Space Balls. He played a clip from Space Balls. Howard said he went viral covering Led Zeppelin's ''Whole Lotta Love'' not playing any instruments. He played a clip of that. He said he can sing and he can do the lead guitar part. He said just wait for that. He said this is him doing the electric guitar part. He said it's crazy.
Howard said Michael agreed to do The great American Nightmare for them too. He said this is a breakdown of the tracks he's doing. He played him doing the drums and then the backing vocals and guitars. He said he's doing it all. He said then he's got the vocal. He said every sound is Michael Winslow. He said he's so fascinated by that. He said 100 years ago he would have been killed for doing witchcraft.
Howard played some clips of Michael Winslow talking about the sounds he makes. He was demonstrating how he does different sounds. Howard said that guy is something else. He said you have to be a musician and the guy who has that ability to try to make that sound. Robin said she thinks about how many hours he has to do that. She said you have to practice every day. Howard said it's pretty awesome.
Howard played the break down of the parts of the song again. He played him doing bass and guitar. He asked how he does that. He said he has a mic and amp that he uses and he's able to do all of those sounds.
Howard said that is brilliant. Robin asked how you use that to make millions. Howard asked Fred what he would do if he tried to do sounds without his computer. He said he wasn't able to do it. He said he's right out. Fred said that guitar is killer. Howard said it really is. He said Fred has a massive stroke trying to do that.
Robin said there's no market for that but he has so much talent. Howard said he has a show he does. Robin said with that talent he should be the biggest star in the world. Howard said he should have followers like Trump has. He said he does make a ton of dough. He said he does voice overs and stuff. He said he was in how many Police Academy movies. Robins said there must have been 11.
Howard said it was a whole weekend. He said he had it all mapped out. He said Friday he was trying to take a nap and sleep late. He said he knew it was going to be brutal. He said he only got in a 15 minute nap. He said he had all of this stuff planned out. He said he did sleep in on Saturday. He said he slept an extra 2 hours until 6. He said he's usually up at 4am. He said there was so much going on. He said he stayed in a hotel on Saturday. He said Beth got upset with him about the clothes he wore. He said he wore a sweater to breakfast and it was outside so he was sweating.
Howard said Beth said she should have been with him when he picked out the clothes. He said Beth took a different car than he did. He said he tried to nap while she went into the city. He said he wanted to be on his game. He said he wanted to do the speech and all of that. He said he was tweaking that until the last minute. He said he'd read it but it was personal for him and his daughter and the people in the room. He said it was 11 minutes long at first. He said he had to cut it down to like 5 minutes. He said you can't bore people.
Howard said he told a friend not to joke in his speech for his daughter and then he did the same thing for his own daughter. He said he had to cut out a lot. He said he got the speech down to 4 minutes and he thinks he did good. He said he thinks his kids were pleased. He said you don't want to be on their wrong side. He said you can't fuck up. He said they are brutal.
Howard said he tries to make his kids happy. He said he shows that by putting the work into his speech. He said he thinks he got that right. He said he thought he'd be killing in his speech. He said he was going to introduce himself as Ashley's father, better known as Fartman. He said he didn't do that though. He said it was all about his daughter. He said he was able to stay up and it was invigorating. He said his daughter looked beautiful. He said he got to hang out with all if the bridesmaids and his daughter. He said it was beautiful.
Howard said his daughter Emily conducted the ceremony. He said she's something. He said his daughter Debra gave a beautiful speech. He said Ashley wrote her own vows and that was amazing. He said his new son in law is in love and he read his vows. He said that was something else too. He said Beth turned to him and said she'd marry him.
Howard said the only thing he didn't like was when they do a kiss at the end Adam was kissing with his mouth open. He said he didn't want to see that. He said he didn't like that. Robin said she rarely goes on social media but before the wedding she saw that Adam had a birthday recently and there were pictures of them celebrating and even what she wrote about that was beautiful. She said they were kissing open mouth in those. Howard said he doesn't need that. He said he can't watch him sliding his tongue into his daughter's mouth.
Howard said he was back in that room where the bridesmaids were. He said he told his daughter she doesn't have to have sex that night. He said he told her not to feel too much pressure to do that. Robin said she read an article recently that said that most couples don't have sex on the wedding night because they're so tired.
Howard said they got to bed at 1 at night on Saturday. He said the kids were texting them until 4am. He said then there was a brunch the next day. He said his daughter knocked back a few shots before going out too.
Howard said the wedding was beautiful. He said he advised them to put some money away but it turned out to be a nice thing. He said it felt good to get out and be a human being again. Robin said she told him that he'd enjoy it. She asked if he wants to get out and do that. Howard said he's back now. He said he has resigned himself that he is going to get COVID. Robin said maybe he will never get it. Howard said he never knew his blood type and they say type O has more of an immunity. He said he isn't sure if he's type positive or negative. He said he did write it down. He said he's not sure which one it is. He said he won't recover from this wedding for a month. He said he's type O positive. Robin said he's not the universal donor type. Howard said maybe not. He said he's not sure what he is. He said at least he found out what blood type he is. He said that's the only thing positive about him. He said he may be stronger against the COVID virus.
Howard said he's not going to go out and ride the subway or anything. He said he'll be smart and still wear a mask. He said he's just going to go out and be a normal person. He said they won't test everyone coming into the house anymore. He said he has to rejoin society. He said the whole world needs him.
Howard said he noticed one thing that he thought would change. He said everyone wants to shake his hand. He said that should have changed. He said that even the people who are working the wedding wanted to shake his hand. He said he tried to fist bump. He said a lot of people respect that but then people hold their hand open. He said he brings hand sanitizer with him and his hands are raw from that. He said he went through 2 bottles of that. He said that Larry David said you should bow. He said that's what we should do. He said they don't shake hands in Japan. He said they bow so that's what we should be doing.
Howard said he might do better in Japan. He said his daughter is such a great kid. He said she's a nurse practitioner. He said she's so smiley and happy. He said he has never seen her happier. He said he was happy for her. He said Adam is a good guy too and he loves her very much.
Howard said his daughter went into a dance routine and they had gone to dance classes so that was something else. He said he had to do the dance with her too and he looked like a shlub. He said he's very aware that people are looking to see what he does. He said he can't make any mistakes. He said he was very careful. He said he did dance the whole time. He said he danced with his wife and kids. He said he looks like Trump when he dances. He said his wife can dance. He said he should get some dance lessons.
Howard said he doesn't want to move too much when he dances. He said he might look like a douche. He said he stays very reserved. He said they have a lot of people video recording too. He said he has to watch what he does. He said he didn't video record his wedding. He said they only had a photographer.
Howard said he loves his daughter to death so it was great to be there. He said they're amazing girls.
Howard said it was really nice. He said his old buddy Dr. Lou came to be with him. He said he hadn't seen him in a couple of years. Robin said he hasn't seen anyone in a couple of years. Howard said his sister and other family were there.
Howard said his daughter was only 6 when his other daughter got married. He said that the kids used to come over and hang out in his apartment. He said they were little kids and now they're all grown with kids. He said it's mind blowing. He said the women will come up to him and ask if they recognize him. He said they tell him and he remembers carrying them on his shoulders. He said it was very emotional.
Howard said he rented a Sprinter van to get driven around. He said he had a lot of driving to do. He said he wasn't driving but he was being driven in the van. He said the van is so high up you can't take certain highways. He said the top will sheer off. He said imagine that. He said it was pretty cool. He said he can stand up in the van. He said it was crazy. He said Beth got dressed in it. He said it wasn't cheap to rent but it was worth it. Howard said the van won't fit in the Sirius building. He said he'd have to go in the freight elevator. He said he's not sure he wants to go through that.
Howard said his mom didn't go to the wedding. He said he tried to get her to go. He said she goes to Bagel Boss but not to the wedding. He said it was the funniest thing. He said he almost hung up on his mom. He said she's difficult. He said on Friday they had the rehearsal dinner. He said he thought he'd call her on Saturday and fill her in on what happened. He said they had about 80 people at the rehearsal dinner and it was really nice. He said he called up his mom and she was in the bathroom when he called. He said her helper was there and said that they'd call back. He said he's not sure what she was doing and he doesn't want to know.
Howard said he waited about 20 minutes and called back. He said his mom was yelling and asking who was on the phone. He said she couldn't hear. He said he heard her asking why he was bothering her. He said she didn't know he could hear that. He said he's doing this so she can feel included. He said he was on fire when she got on the line. He said she can't go to the wedding. He said he wasn't calling for that. He said he was just calling to give her an update. He said he had to yell all of this. He said she changed her tune when she found out he wasn't calling to get her to the wedding. He said he told her how nice it was all going.
Howard said he told his mom about how nice it was and all of that. He said she got all flowery and got back to being whatever. Robin said she was wondering if Howard had contact with Adam's family. Howard said he has met them before and they're very nice people too.
Howard said on Sunday he stopped to see his mother. He said he was close. He said that he showed some pictures and stuff. He said she loved it. He said she's consumed with Beth. He said she loves Beth more than him. He said that he walked in and saw Beth and had her sit next to her. He said that he was like '''the fuck?'' He said she loves Beth. Robin said Howard has much more time in years wise. Howard said the more time you spend with him the more you despise him. He said it's a disaster.
Howard said they went to that brunch and he had a sweater on so he had to go change. He said he had a t-shirt he slept in and had to change into that. He said he put on this ratty shirt he had. He said then Debra showed up and she had to tuck him in. He said he was a mess. He said then Beth came running out into the parking area. He said she had to look him over. She said he was like a 3 year old. He said he didn't want to be a pain in the ass. He said Beth said she should have helped pack for the brunch. Robin said Howard knew this was coming. Howard said he just threw stuff in and didn't pack well. He said it was the wrong thing. He said he looked sharp for the rehearsal dinner and the wedding. He said he wore John Varvatos stuff. He said Ralph and his man James got a nice suit made.
Robin said Ralph is not doing the work and James is doing it all. Howard said that's not true. Howard said he did yell at Ralph about the suit showing up wrinkled. He said he did tell him he should have brought it out himself. He said Beth is exhausted from him now. He said she got that all worked out. He said it was a big weekend. He said she was really tired.
Howard said they got back to the hotel after the wedding. He said he hates hotels. He said he doesn't care where you stay there's always noise. He said he can't sleep because of that. He said there's always noise. He said he tries to get a top floor room so there's nothing above him. He said sometimes he'll rent out the room below him to make sure that there's no noise. He said he just wants to sleep.
Howard said he was just waiting for noise. He said Beth went right out. He said that he put the air on and had white noise playing on his iPhone. He said the air turns on and off in the room. He said then he's hearing some noise from above but there's no room. He said there was this noise coming from above so he was freaking out and talking out loud. He said he was hoping Beth would wake up hearing him. He said it's magical being married to him. He said Robin wouldn't last 5 minutes with him. Robin said she feels for her every moment.
Howard said he had to go to brunch the next day so he stayed at this hotel. He said that he didn't want to stay there but he had to. He said the brunch was fun. He said they had some really good food there. He said Adam's family catered the whole thing. He said he had some really good food. He said it was fucking beautiful. He said they had a platter of blintz's out there. He said he loves that. He said he tanked up at the brunch.
Howard said people want to talk to him when he goes out. He said that he just wants to go out to the food stations to get some food. He said everyone wants to say hello to him. He said he was hungry. He said that he's getting cock blocked from the food. He said he was trying to get to some food because it was late and he hadn't eaten. He said the people are very sweet but he wanted to make an announcement that he had to eat first. He said he'd like an announcement to be made that he wants to look over the food stations and have some food before meeting everyone. He said then he's available to talk. He said he's a voice man and he has to be able to use his voice and there's a lot of loud music being played. He said he just shakes his head the whole time. He said he can't hear anything so he just shakes his head.
Howard said he's bent over the whole time. He said that he's 6'5'' and he has to bend over. He said some people should use mouthwash too. He said most people were good though.
Howard said he saw a break in the action and went over to the sushi thing at the food station. He said he grabbed like 15 sushi rolls and did this holding his water at the same time. He said he just wolfed down all of that food. He said it was like 8:30 so he had to get something in him. He said he was so bloated from eating that. He said he told Beth how he did that and she said she only had 4 pieces. Howard said he was popping them like TicTacs.
Howard said they had some sushi guys rolling the stuff there. He said they were looking at him eating all of this stuff. He said no one was taking 15 pieces. He said they were looking at him. He said he could tell they were looking at him like ''Look at this fuck.''
Howard said he's not sure what was even at the other food stations. He said he ate dinner at the wedding and cake too. He said he shouldn't have but he did. He said he made a big doody that day before the wedding. He said it was a big one too. He said he was all set for the wedding. He said he wolfed down so much food. He said don't ask what went on.
Howard said he didn't have his Toto toilet so he had wipes. He said he made a doody Saturday night and had to wipe his ass. He said that he should have used toilet paper but he had baby wipes. He said he was wiping his asshole and it was burning. He said he looked and they were hand sanitizer wipes, not baby wipes. He said they were burning from the alcohol. Howard said he ended up bleaching his asshole with those wipes.
Howard said he wasn't sure if his ass could take that. He said that Robin sued to drink her coffee through her ass so he figured that was fine.
Howard said when he went out with Emily to get a t-shirt Beth saw he was gone for 6 minutes and knew something was up. He said she saw them out by the van so she had to go out and see what was happening. He said they had a group of people around the van. He said she says he's like a child.
Howard said he cried at the wedding. He said it was so beautiful. He said his daughter was so beautiful. He said the wedding planner wanted him to hug or kiss his son in law so he decided to hug him. He said he had to walk back to his spot and he wasn't able to get around his daughter's train. He said he didn't want to walk on it. He said he wasn't sure what to do. He said it was very beautiful.
Robin said his granddaughter was the flower girl. Howard said she was so cute. He said she's 3 now. He said she had the basket with the flowers. He said she did her thing and she got upset that she didn't throw the petals. He said she wanted to go back and do it and people said she can't. He said he wanted her to do it. He said it was so cute. He said she melts his heart too. He said it was all a very beautiful weekend. He said the kids keep him in the real world. He said he can easily slip into the wrong thing.
Howard said he didn't masturbate for 2 days before the wedding. He said he thought Beth would want to do something. He said she was unconscious though. He said he didn't do anything. He said she was just wiped out.
Howard said at the brunch his granddaughter wanted some pasta. He said Debra wanted him to get her some pasta. He said he went over to get some and there was a long line. He said he had a lot of people who wanted to interact with him.
Beth showed up in the middle of that conversation. Beth said that she was getting texts from people about the discussions about his bloated belly. Beth told Robin that this weekend it was like traveling with a toddler. She said she told Howard that he's a lot. Howard said he doesn't think he is. Beth said he's a piece of work. She said she got in the car to leave early. She said Howard stayed back to nap. He said he wanted to show up dressed in his tux. Beth said she wanted to get ready at the hotel. She said she didn't look over what he had packed. Howard asked why she didn't. Beth said she thought he had everything he needed. She said they were all set. Beth said she thought he was going to be too exhausted to go to the brunch. She said she had written it off.
Beth said they went out to brunch and Howard was in a sweater complaining already. She said he forgot a belt. Howard said he blames that on her. Beth said he came out in jeans that had stains and wrinkles on them. Howard said it was a casual thing. Beth said she's throwing out those jeans. She said he had them folded over twice. Howard said they were falling off. Beth said she wanted to make a belt out of a rope to cinch up the jeans. Robins said then he would have had a gathered butt. Beth said Howard had a shirt that was super long that would have covered up the saggy butt. She said it was like something you'd wear in winter. She said the shirt had cat hair and stains on it. She said he looked like someone off the streets. She said she was mortified.
Beth said she had Howard put on this sweater that he had packed. She said that they went out to the brunch and Howard was in the sun and the sweater had cat hair all over it and there was a sticky stain on it. Howard said there was cat jizz on it. Beth said that she tried to clean it up but it didn't work. She said that the sun was blaring and he was miserable in the sweater. Howard said he knew that the kids would think he was a bum. He said most men have casual wear. He said he should have washed his clothes. He said he just threw it in his bag.
Beth said his shoes were horrible too. Howard said he knows he blew it. Beth said she bought him 50 new shirts at Christmas. She said shame on you. She said she saw Howard stand up and walk out on the group. Howard said he was sweating so bad that he had to. He said this woman was talking about her health issues and he had to walk out on her. He said Emily came to him to the van.
Beth said Howard was gone for 5 minutes and he wasn't back. She said she went out to see what was going on. She said there was a group of people there and they were trying to tuck him in so he'd look okay in the shirt he wore to sleep in. She said she heard Howard saying that his wife was going to kill him. Howard said Beth put so much time into her shopping. He said he figured they'd be fine with his outfit. He said he blames Ralph for this. He said he used to live nearby but not anymore. Beth said she blames herself for that. She said those jeans were awful. Howard said these jeans were washed. He said he just had them off the hanger. Beth said he has some nice ones that would have been fine. She said they were so baggy. Howard said as long as it's not his fault he's fine. Beth said she learned her lesson. She said she has to travel with him and not let him do anything.
Howard said there was a lot going on. He said they had a great time. He said he was so mad at Beth on Saturday. He said she fell asleep so fast. Beth said she heard him huffing and grunting. Howard said he asked her to bend over the sink so he could do his business and she said no. Beth said she could hear him complaining about his breakfast the next morning. She said he didn't have his usual food. Howard said they don't serve breakfast until 7:30 and this was like 4 in the morning. He said he was upset about that. Beth said she should have packed a breakfast. Howard said he thought he had that covered. He said he doesn't eat granola. He said he only eats nuts. Beth said all he does is complain.
Howard said he told Beth this weekend was all about his daughter. Beth said she was an angel and so was Adam. Howard said they had beautiful vows. Beth said she felt bad or Adam because her vows were so great but then he had such nice vows that they were crying.
Howard said he didn't like how they kissed open mouth. He said that bothered him. Beth said he really did. Howard said a father doesn't need to see that.
Beth said they danced. Howard said they did and he wanted to kiss. Beth said that people thought she wore red to the wedding but it was not red. She said it was orange. Howard said he tanked up on sushi. Beth told the sushi story that Howard had already told.
Howard said Beth is pre-diabetes and she had 2 pieces of cake that night. Beth said she decided that she's going to do that at celebrations.
Beth said that she wanted to tell the granddaughter story. Howard said he sort of did already. Beth told the story again with more detail about his granddaughter Naomi forgetting to throw the petals. Howard said it was so cute. He said it was a very emotional weekend. He said he saw his youngest get married. Beth said Ashley was so happy.
Howard said they were all happy. He said it was a great weekend. He said he was against the big wedding. He said it was such a beautiful occasion. He said it was very nice.
Howard said Beth needs a day off from him after that weekend. He said that she had to put up with a lot.
Beth said Howard didn't end up at the right place. Howard said he got a nice tour of Long Island. Beth said she wasn't sure what to do. Howard said he showed up early to the wedding. He said he was looking around had asked where he was. He said the guy told him he was in Garden City. He said he wasn't supposed to be there. He said he wasn't supposed to be anywhere near that. He said don't ask how that happened. He said he was yelling and screaming about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they should both be upset with Ralph. He said he's supposed to dress him. Howard said he doesn't want Ralph at his house. He said that's his job but he doesn't want him there. Howard said the tux was a mess when it showed up. He said Ralph blamed it on someone else. He said he just accepts that. Beth said that it was packed wrong. Beth said the tux was gorgeous though. She said Ralph did a great job with that.
Howard said the thing with Ralph is that his job is to be his stylist. He said he doesn't want him at the house though. He said he won't leave if he comes over. He said once he's in he's like a roach. Beth said that he would bring clothes and use their washer. She said he used to leave her notes about what he needed done.
Howard said that he should have Ralph come out and go through clothes. He said he should have him over to do that. He said he has to try stuff on. He said you don't want him left alone there.
Beth said that the John Varvatos stuff looks so good. She said it was great. Howard said it was.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she saw Beth posted pictures and they looked great. Howard said she wants to post pictures but she was a model. He said she looks gorgeous and he looks bad. Beth said that he looked amazing. Howard said look how bad he looks. Robin said he looks lovely. Howard said he has to get a face lift. Mariann said he looked great. She said he made it sound like he looked like Steve Erkle at the brunch.
Mariann asked what they danced to. Howard said they danced to John Mayer's Fathers and Daughters song. He said Ashley wanted to dance to The Beatles Blackbird. He said they changed that up and went with the John Mayer song.
Howard said they had a lot of relatives there at the table. He said Robin would have been there but she wasn't able to attend. He said it was great having Dr. Lou there. He said he has been friends with him since 4th grade. He said they have seen a lot together. Beth said she got emotional seeing them together.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he wishes that he had asked him to help. Howard said he would have but he wanted him out of the house. Ralph said he and James both came at the same time and left at the same time. Howard said after trying on two suits he gets so aggravated with clothes. Ralph said he knows. He said he packed him a million times and he knows how to pack a suit. He said the other thing he learned about him is that if he fucks up he admits it. He said if he did something wrong he would say it. He said people also love to get him worked up and he knows it. He said if there was a problem he knows it. He said he's not sure what the suit looked like when he left but he didn't' have his hands on it. He said he packed it perfectly. Beth said she was told that someone told her that they were packing it and the wrinkles were there already and Ralph said that they could iron it when they get it there. Ralph said he thought they were talking about a wrinkle on the shirt. He said it wasn't a wrinkled mess.
Howard said he got into radio to have no responsibility. He said now he's running this empire and he has to yell at Ralph. He said that he had to ream him out and he had to call him back to apologize. He said he was in bed and thinking about it and he had to text him. He said he went in the other room to call. He said he didn't want Beth hearing that. He said it's emasculating.
Beth said the suit was a wrinkled mess abut the steamer got them out. Beth said that the suit wasn't a mess. He said you don't just open something and it's ready to wear. Beth said her dress was. Ralph said it looked fine when it left. Howard said no job gets done better than when you do it yourself. Beth said she blames herself. She said she should have taken charge. Ralph said this person had it in her head that it was a wrinkled mess. He said someone should have called him.
Howard said the suit was perfect when it left John Varvatos. He said he wanted to wear it like that. Beth said the person who brought it to their attention did the right thing and told them about it. She said she did nothing wrong. Ralph said they should have called him or James. He said James said he didn't see it being a wreck. Howard said alright Ralph. Beth said Ralph did an amazing job with the suit. Ralph said he was bummed out because they worked so hard on it. Robin said complete the job and he should have delivered it. Howard said he's like a football team that gets to the one yard line and can't complete the touchdown.
Howard said that he has to demote Ralph to just shaving his belly. Ralph asked what he can be demoted to. Howard said he's his man servant. He said he comes out and it's a whole thing. He said he has to get someone to pick up him at the train and all of this stuff. He said Ralph should be reading his thoughts. Ralph said there were no wrinkles on the suit when it left him. Howard said that's right. He said he should have delivered it.
Howard said he has the only valet that calls him a douche bag. He said he did have a good time at the wedding so that was good. He said it was perfect because Ralph wasn't there. He said Ralph blames everyone.
Howard hung up on Ralph and Beth was about to head out. Howard thanked her for making his life perfect. He said he knows he's nuts and she has to deal with him. Beth said she would do it all over again. She said she loves him. She said she knew what she was signing up for. She said she can't expect him to change now.
Howard said Beth wore his mother's jewelry to the wedding. He said she makes it look so good. He said his mom never looked that good. He said he wore his father's tie clip to the wedding. He said it was good to wear it there.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he looked good at the wedding. He said the only thing he noticed was the shirt collar was too big. Howard said he was swimming in it. Beth said she thinks he looked amazing. Howard said he knew that King. Howard said he's right. He said that's why he didn't want her to post the picture. Howard said he didn't want it too tight though.
King said Howard has a youthful thing about him. He said that he's older but he has this youthful thing and he has to reflect that in his clothing. He said he could have done things a little differently. Robin said everything was perfect but now he's picking him apart. Howard said maybe next time he'll have King set him up. King said he would have put him in a dark blue suit. Howard said that's what he wore to the rehearsal dinner. King said he would have had a water blue suit. Howard said he was right about his collar but that's it.
King said he has to know what kind of glasses he had on. Howard said he's not sure. King said he knows they're not Ray Bans. Howard said he can't read what they are. King said Beth should have been with him the whole time. Howard said they already went over all of that.
King asked if there were any black people there. Howard said he's not sure. He said the band was black and they were really good. He said they played all kinds of stuff.
Ralph said that King came to the studio once wearing a shirt that still had the fold lines on it. He said he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. King said he knows what Ralph is doing. Howard said King is right. He said his collar was too big. Ralph said he didn't see it. He said when they did the fitting he didn't think it was too loose. Howard said he has to go anyway. He said thanks to King and Ralph and let them go. Beth was heading out too.
Howard said King was right about the collar. Robin said that's nit picking and no one cares about his collar. She said he and Beth looked lovely together. Howard said on Sunday he was a mess.
Howard said he's glad his driver Billy had an extra belt. He said he saved him on Sunday.
Howard answered a knock at the door. Fake Trump got on and talked to Howard about his big collar and the wedding. Howard spent a few minutes talking to him.
Howard said he read that Trump's poll numbers are going up even though he's on trial for crimes against this country. He talked to fake Trump about that. Howard said it's amazing that his numbers go up with that going on. He said maybe he'll be president from prison.
Howard let Trump go, did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and talked about the Eurythmics and Annie Lennox. He said she's really talented. He said she always tried to look weird. He said she looked like an alien from another planet. He said she's very talented though. He went over some details about the band. He said they had Dave Stewart on the show years ago. He said he was a good guy.
Howard said that he should talk about a few things going on. He took a call from Bobo first though. Bobo asked if his cousin from Blue Oyster Cult showed up at the wedding. Howard said he did not. He said a lot of family wasn't there. Bobo asked if Beth does Transcendental Meditation with him. Howard said she's been doing it for a while now. He said she's been doing it a long time. He said it would be weird not to do that in a relationship with someone. He said he meditates twice a day. He said if you're not curious about it then it would be very strange to him. He said Beth does that and she's probably been doing it 20-some years.
Howard said the guy who brought Transcendental Meditation over here to this country is Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. He said he's no longer around. He said that he brought that over to this country and he was so brilliant. He said he came up with Transcendental Meditation and for him something changed when he started doing it. He said they explain that you should dip your brain into bliss. He said he can't explain it well but you dip your brain into this quiet space. He said he met the Maharishi twice. He said it was an honor. He said he wasn't readily available but he did meet him. He said his mom was into Transcendental Meditation too. He said it was a thrill to get her to meet him.
Howard said early on he went to live at this Transcendental Meditation place. He said that they were going to charge him $100 a month to live there. He said he was just making $96 a week at the time. He said they took him under their wing and he got to live there. He said that the place was silent. He said everyone was training to be monks. He said there was silence there. He said he got to live with people who were living a spiritual life. He said he would go there to this Senegal place. He said it was a wonderful year living there. He said that his ears would be burning from working all day and he had the quiet of this place to go to. He said he got to dip his brain into this quiet consciousness. He said he could feel it.
Howard said being around all of that got him somewhere. He said that it was profound. He said that the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi brought it to this country. He said this wasn't a cult. He said people were devoted to that man because he was such a beautiful man. He said he never tried to keep them around. He said if you wanted to go off and do something he would encourage them. He said he just wanted to encourage meditation because it could cure the world.
Howard said Transcendental Meditation changed his life and he thinks anyone who would date him would do it. He said he had this secret little tool to calm him down and relax. He said he was at the hotel and all stressed out and he used Transcendental Meditation to get himself to sleep. Howard said Bobo's question was a good one. He said if he didn't have Transcendental Meditation he'd probably be in the loony bin.
Howard said there's nothing like talking about all of that and having Bobo saying ''Uh huh'' and things while he's talking. Fred did his impression of that as Bobo.
Howard said he sees the Bobo puppet has changed. Fred said this is a duplicate and it's the newer one. He said it's just different. Robin asked if Bobo has those big bulges under his eyes. She called him ''Bozo'' accidentally.
Howard said the computer is generating all of that in real time. He said Chris Wilding and Mike Trainor went into the chat to see if they could get a question in. He said they used the name WillieFistergash69 as the name asking the question. Howard played the clip where they had Trump and Biden responding to their questions.
Howard said this is pretty cool. He asked how you find it. Chris and Mike said it's called Trump or Biden 2026. They said they watched it for over and hour and it goes on 24/7. Howard said it didn't sound that robotic. He said it's incredible they can do it. Mike and Chris talked about how real it sounded. Chris said it's pretty fucking good and pretty funny. Howard asked if this guy is making money from it. Chris said you can donate. He said people do donate.
Chris said some people don't get the joke and insult the fake Biden clips. Howard said the guy who invented that is a genius. Robin said the guy must have an important job that he does. Howard said he may have to go on there. He said he's not sure if he has a Twitch account. Mike said you don't need one.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was AI Joe Biden who was talking shit about Trump. Steve Nowicki was doing the voice as AI and made it a little Robotic sounding. AI Trump knocked on the door a short time later so Howard let the guys do their thing for a while.
Howard let them go and Chris joked that it's their guys doing it 24/7 and that's not AI at all.
Howard asked Ronnie if he has any comment. Ronnie got on and said that's not true at all. He said they had gone to a strip club and hung out with some girl. He said that's it. Blitt said he just said it was something they did in the past few months with another woman. Ronnie said there's nothing to it. He said it's no big deal.
Howard said he gets a lot of reports about Ronnie. He said he knows he was at his granddaughter's graduation over the weekend. He said he was there in New York. Ronnie said he got in and out of there quick. Howard said Ronnie is so red he looks purple. Robin said he may be a Native American.
Howard said he has to talk about this submarine thing that's going on. He said it's so crazy. He said this sub that sunk was made out of some material that they had never used before. He said he wasn't that obsessed with the search but the coverage was unavoidable. He said people seem to love the search for things like that. He said once you find out they're dead the whole thing goes away. He said it's like the Chilean miners. He said the story was over once they found them. He said we like the search. He said we're fascinated by the whole thing. Robin said it's like kids who get lost in the woods and things like that.
Howard said there were no women on the sub. He said only dudes want to do stuff like that. He said no woman wants to be stuck in there. He said only guys will do that.
Robin said there is no tourism in adventure. She said you go into space and they're trained people. She said this wasn't tourism, it was experimentation. Robin said this is just being a passenger on a weird boat. She said they're not adventurers.
Howard said they're calling this a tragedy but it's really not. He said you put yourself in that position. He said you know something is going to go wrong. He said it's not a tragedy. Robin said no one wants to talk about that death. She said it was an implosion and it didn't last long so those people heard something and they're gone.
Howard said they talked to High Register Sean who has weird conspiracy theories. He said he has one about this already. He played a clip of Sean talking about what he thinks went on there. He said he thinks it was all a set up and they aren't dead at all. He said he thinks it's a cover story and they will never find parts of them.
Howard had Sean on the phone and asked why things can't just happened without a conspiracy. Sean said they knew there was an implosion on Sunday. He said they knew it right away. He said they led us on for an entire week. Howard said they didn't know that. Robin said they sort of did. She said they heard it on Sunday. Howard said they did but they didn't know it was the sub. He said they wanted to have confirmation. He said he feels bad for Sean because he can't accept reality. He said no one is lying about this. He said he has this whole back story that they wanted a change of identity. He said it's exhausting.
Robin said the guy who was the CEO of the company was piloting the sub. She asked how they all wanted a change of identity. Howard asked if he accepts anything at face value. Sean said no one should. He said it's not illegal to ask questions. Robin asked where they are now then. Sean said he doesn't know. Howard said this is pretty creative. He said the story is interesting.
Ralph said he also suggested Picard. Howard said he has to point this out again. He said he's not sure how Paramount has such a shitty app. He said he downloaded the show and it crashed the app. He said the app is so bad. He said downloading takes forever. He said you can't tell when it's fully downloaded. He said he kept rebooting the app and it wasn't working. He said it's insanely bad.
Howard said they had TV and it was working fine and then they do this with the apps. He said that the other thing that bothered him is the guy who plays Picard is really old. He said it's hard to watch. He said he did see some of the show. Howard asked what that guy's name is. Robin said that's Patrick Stewart. Howard said it's nice they have the new show but he can't watch it on the app.
Ralph said Sarah Silverman has a good stand up show out too. Howard said he saw that and it was good.
Ralph said there was a lot about that sub that was going on. He said James Cameron was talking about all of that and Cardi B was going nuts over some kid going to a concert while his step dad was missing. Robin said that James built his own sub to go down and look at the Titanic. Howard said that guy is an interesting guy. Robin said that James was the one talking about the material they used to build the sub. She said that's how she found out about it.
Howard said there was a kid who was at a concert while his step dad was on that missing sub. Robin said he was out there saying that he should have been at home but this is how he relives pressure. Howard said that sounds like him. He said he'd be out there partying. He said Cardi B weighed in on it. He played a clip of Cardi B talking about that kid going to the Blink 182 concert. Howard said he sees what she's saying. He said that he'd like to know where she grew up. He said she has a way of talking that's intertwining.
Howard said this kid is named Brian Szasz and this is what he had to say. He played a clip of him explaining why he was out and going off on Cardi B. Howard said now that guy is in a big fight with a big star.
Robin said there's a big movement away from the church and they're trying to get people scared.
Howard said he thinks he read an article where that Josh guy said he never heard Led Zeppelin but the band sounds just like them. He said he's not sure how he couldn't have heard the band. Gary said he read that too. Howard said the guy is a good singer but he is very much in the tradition of Robert Plant. He said he has on problem with that. He asked the guys to play some Greta Van Fleet. They played ''Light My Love'' and Howard said they're good musicians. He said he's heard this song. He didn't know the name of it though. He said it's a good song.
Howard said the guy is an amazing singer. He said he doesn't sound like Robert Plant in this one. Fred said he just read that the family did listen to a lot of 1970s rock bands including Led Zeppelin. Gary said maybe they were being sarcastic when they said they didn't hear Zeppelin. Howard said he thought that he hadn't heard Zeppelin until he was in high school or something. Howard said he doesn't give two shits anyway.
Howard said tomorrow they're going to clean out the computer. He said they have Oprah clips and she's on full on commencement speech mode.
Howard read about how Josh Kiszka did joke about not knowing who Led Zeppelin was. He said there's that story.
Howard asked the caller how her parents feel about her becoming a woman. She said they don't know. She said what she did was go to a friend who makes the whole estrogen solution thing. She said she's been on it about six weeks now. She said that's how she's been getting away with it. She said she thinks her mom knows already. She did an impression of her mother and Howard said she should use that voice from now on.
Howard asked the caller if kids bust her balls in school. She said not really. She said she came from an all boys school and that was rough. She said she had issues with nicknames and stuff like that. She said she was bullied about looking like a woman. Howard said they were probably turned on by her. She said they were probably getting half chubs.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Ron DeSantis went off on the caller about the transgender thing for a minute.
Howard told the caller, Quinn, to hang in there. He let her go. He said that's not an easy life to have. Robin said it's not and they're trying to make it even harder.
Howard said he doesn't get how people don't agree with him about that whole thing but just let people be who they are.
Howard said he thinks he was asked to do a commencement speech. He said he wouldn't do that. He said Harvard asked him to make a speech but not a commencement. He said he would never do that. He did an impression of what that would sound like if he did it like Oprah.
Howard had some audio of Oprah singing at one commencement. Howard said she gave a bunch of Oprah wisdom too. Robin said that's what she thought that would be all about. Howard said he has no wisdom to share but Oprah has a lot to share. Howard played another clip of Oprah doing that.
Howard said Robin has a bunch of those things to say too. He said she has to get that voice that Oprah has down. He said Robin is a little low key. Howard played some of Robin's wisdom quotes.
Howard played more Oprah clips and laughed at what she was rambling on about. Howard said she's yelling it all.
Howard and Robin made up some of their own quotes like Oprah had. Howard told Robin to write some of that down and make her own speech. Howard said Oprah said the name Cox a lot in her speeches. He said he liked that. He played a montage of her saying that Cox name.
Howard said they tried to take her speeches and make a prank call. He said they called a political show and said they were at a college during her speech. Howard played the call where the host of the show said he thinks that Oprah has a lot to hide in her life. They called in saying they were at a graduation and Oprah is there speaking. They got the host to go off on Oprah for some of the things she was saying. They had edited Oprah to say some wild stuff that set the host of the show off. The host hung up on them and went on a short rant.
Howard said they'll end the show on that. He said it's been a long morning and he's exhausted. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:20am.
Howard took a call from Bobo and asked what time he starts calling. Bobo said he gets up around 5 and walks the dog and kicks his day off. He said he starts calling around 6:45. Howard said he's the first to call but he may or may not get on the air. Bobo said he's been on hold almost every day for 30 years. He said he has stuff to do. Howard asked if it would be better if he left him on hold so he can do stuff. Bobo said he does stuff like paper work while he's on hold. He sniffed a few times talking about that. Bobo said that's some kind of tick he has. He said he has a sneezing fit in the morning too. He said it's like 10 times in a row.
Fred did his sniffing and sneezing impression of Bobo. Howard asked if he'd rather wait or just get on the air. Bobo said he likes being picked up on right away so he can do what he has to do.
Howard asked Bobo what kind of contracts he's writing up .Bobo said he does his driving classes and he has contracts to sign. He said he works with a company so he has to have them filled out. Howard said he's not sure he'd trust him with that. He said no offense. Bobo said it's all set up he just has to fill it out. Robin said he fills in the student's name, that's it. Howard said that is what he said he does. He said that's not really filling out a contract. Bobo said he has to figure out a schedule too.
Howard said he has to compliment Bobo when he picks up. He said he's ready to go right away. He said you'd never know he was working on contracts. Bobo said he's multi-tasking.
Howard asked Bobo how many students go in one car at a time. Bobo said it's only one at a time. Fred said there's only one clown in the car at a time and it's him.
Howard asked if Bobo ever fucks anything up while teaching. Bobo said in a year and a half he's only had one student fail. He said that's how good he does his work. He said most of the students pass the test.
Robin said she never took driver's Ed and she passed the first time. Bobo said down there the road test is ridiculous. Robin said Bobo is congratulating himself on teaching people to drive and she did it on her own and didn't fail. She said people don't fail it that much. Bobo said it's different down there in Florida.
Howard asked if the test down there is harder or easier than New York. Bobo said it's easier. He said they put you on a course and you have to do six requirements. He said you do that and that's it. He said he's never heard of anything like that. He said they don't require parallel parking. He said he thinks they should do that. He said if they don't get that training they go out and have accidents. He said that's what's happening.
Howard asked if he's ever had a student fall in love with him because he is the teacher. Bobo said never anything like that. He said he's all professional. Fred did his Bobo impression talking about all of the things he didn't actually do with students. Bobo puppet told a story about how he ran into a loading dock. Real Bobo said he ran into a trailer once. He said he took the whole top of the car off. Howard said that's a driving teacher. He asked if that freaked him out. Bobo said it did. He said the guy was coming right at him and he turned the wheel and ducked his head and it took the top of the car off. He said he didn't have a scratch on him.
Howard said Bobo wasn't going to tell them about that and someone else called in and told them the story. He said he was never going to admit to that. Bobo said it was embarrassing. He said the car was mint too.
Robin said they have tested Bobo's IQ and he isn't that smart so if he can teach driving it's not that tough a thing. Howard asked why she has to take away a man's masculinity. Bobo said he still teaches in the classroom. He said it's not that easy.
Howard said he heard Bobo has been working out a lot. Bobo said his son inspired him. He said he's really jacked. He said they hit the gym 6 days a week. He said they work it all out.
Howard asked if anyone sees the change in his body. Bobo said they do. Bobo Puppet said they call him Moron Schwarzenegger. Howard said they call him Jean Claude Van Dumb.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Bobo was his teacher years ago. He had the Bobo speech impediment. He talked about how he had him put his hands at 10 and 2 on his balls and things like that. Howard bailed on that bit not long after that.
Howard said Bobo wrote to the governor of Florida asking to fix the driving test down there. Bobo said it would take some time but they could fix it. He said you have to start with the road test.
Howard asked if he has a copy of that letter. Bobo said he does. Bobo Puppet read his own letter. Fred made that up as he was going along.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Ron DeSantis went off on Bobo about his letter. He said it came written in Crayon.
Howard said if Bobo has that letter he should read it. Bobo said he'd have to go find it. Howard said alright. Fake Ron went on and on about the letter they got from Bobo. There was no funny happening so Howard bailed on the bit.
Howard said he'd love to hear that letter. Bobo said it's been a couple of years since he wrote it. He said he spoke to him on the phone too. Bobo Puppet said he has the letter filed under L for Letter.
Bobo said they have a hill parking test but they don't have hills in Florida so it doesn't make sense. Howard said they should have parallel parking there. He said that's something you do need.
Howard asked Bobo what the key to parallel parking is. Bobo said you have to line up the passenger mirror. He said you come back and match that up as you're backing up.
Howard said it does sound like Bobo has a commitment to his students. Bobo said he does.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he got in his car to go to work and he heard him talking about today being action packed and then he has Bobo on. He said come on, do something else. Howard said he's right.
Howard said he should move on. He played a song parody about Bobo to play him off. He said that was Bald Sabbath sending that in. He said he has to move on and get to the action packed show. Howard let Bobo go after that.
Howard said he thought they knew everything about Bobo but there's always something new. Robin said he did say he does other things like fill out contracts. Howard said it sounded impressive but then they found out it's putting students names on paper. He said he is an impressive guy.
Howard said they have a new theme song for that. He sang a clean out the computer song a couple of times. It was a mess. Then they played a few song parodies they had come up for the segment.
Howard said he's going to start with Memet this morning. He said he has canceled bits on the show and Memet is upset about some of them. Memet said he thinks sometimes Howard is wrong about them and he cancels them. Robin asked what the name of the show is. Memet said it's the Howard Stern show but sometimes he gets it wrong. Howard said he will defend him a bit. He said the package is interesting. He said he has rejected some bits and he listened to some of them and this is a good bit. He said he can now tell him why he rejected them. He said there was one bit he may have been wrong about. He said Memet may be on to something.
Howard said that Memet is out of his fucking mind though. He said he really is. He said he came to him once and wanted him to put up a billboard in Times Square of him where he's shooting cum out on to the screen. Memet said it would be foam that was implied cum. Howard said you'd never see anything like that in Times Square and he thought he was rejecting the best idea ever. Memet said there is a billboard where Chris Hemsworth sweats on people. Howard said that's nothing like cumming. Memet said years later he remembers it. Howard said he still can't believe that he works for him.
Gary said he thinks that Howard missed out on something amazing. Howard said Memet thinks that they stole the idea for the Chris Hemsworth thing. Memet said he has never seen any bodily fluids shot at anyone. He said he thinks Netflix took the idea. He said that everyone will go take a photo with the billboard now.
Howard said Memet gets very upset about this stuff. Memet said it's passionate. Howard said he gets passionate then. He said the first bit is Memet's bit. He said this was called Tony Hawking and it's been pitched since 2016. Memet said he was ahead of his time with this. He said they have characters who are a part of what they do and back then he wanted to have characters on the show. He said they were never into it. Howard said he's been doing characters the whole time he's been on radio. He said in the old days it was him and Fred. He said they've always had them. He started naming some of them.
Memet said he has a couple of examples there. Howard went on and on with the characters they have done over the years.
Memet said that he came up with a character that was a mix of Tony Hawk and Steven Hawking. He said that's what the Tony Hawking was. Howard said that people think that he made a mistake not having the character on. Memet said this is a paraplegic that does cool tricks on his skateboard. Howard said this is the bit he rejected. He played the bit and they had a computer voice talking about the stunts he was going to do. Then he does one and wipes out.
Memet said he could have done the voice a little better. Howard said he rejected the bit because it needed a set up and it wasn't that funny. He said he thinks the funny ideas was Tony Hawking but he doesn't think people would have laughed at it. He said he's not sure that it would be better than him and Robin talking. He said it was also a lot to grasp. He said he likes characters that are rooted in reality. He said that someone like Trump is better than something like that.
Memet said he thinks that he inspired people to come up with more characters on the show after that. Howard said he's out of his mind. He said he likes Memet but he doesn't get him sometimes. He said Memet is angry with Jennifer Witz because when someone has a baby they send out a baby gift. He said Memet had a baby recently and they sent a little onesie. He said Memet emailed a thank you note to Jennifer and he didn't get a reply. He said he feels this is disrespectful. He said Memet is out of his mind with that. He said he's living on Planet Memet. Howard said Jennifer has no idea he had a baby. He said there's someone there whose job it is to send out gifts like that. He said it's an automatic thing. He said Jennifer has no idea what's going on. He said she doesn't know who the fuck he is. Memet said he has his name on the letter. Howard said she's in the fight of her life. He said she's trying to run the company. He said she has no time for Memet. Memet said he figured she'd have 5 seconds to write him back.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Jennifer Witz came on and went off on Memet about not replying to him. She congratulated him on the baby. She said that she heard the Tony Hawking bit and he's now fired.
Howard said as long as he's on Memet he heard that he's dieting for Steve Nowicki's wedding. Memet said Ronnie's wedding too. He said he had to do something when he saw the picture Chris took of him in Miami. He said you put on some pounds after having a baby. Chris said yeah, you had the baby.
Howard said he heard that Memet is eating some junk food. Memet said he's having a chocolate chip cookie and some McDonald's. He said Howard has some real nutty ideas about eating. Howard said he has such a good diet. He said he's on the Mediterranean diet. He said he's too thin. He said he's 195 pounds. He said he'll see him at his age and see if he's jacked.
Howard said McDonald's and a cookie is starving your body. Memet was arguing with him so Howard said he's just going to move on. Gary said last week he saw that they were going through with food and it was all unhealthy stuff that they were trying to figure out.
Howard asked if he was wrong for canceling that bit. Robin said not at all. She said it was a one joke idea. Howard took a call from a guy who said that bit sucked. He said it was horrible and he's glad Howard didn't let it through. He said it sucked.
Howard said he does have standards. Memet said it was early on in his career. Howard asked what he has next. Memet said that Chris Wilding wanted to play something from Angela Muto. Chris said Howard rejected this twice. He said he wrote this and it's very vile. He said it's basically Ronnie's mom singing an album about incest. Howard asked if he should play it or guess why he rejected it. Chris said that when the Ronnie's mom character first called in she was talking about the things she and her son did together sexually. He said that was his jumping off point.
Howard played the bit where they had a K-Tel records album from fake Ronnie's mom where she sang about the sexual stuff that she and her son did.
Howard said he's not saying it didn't make him laugh. He said it was funny. He said he had to do a lot of set up with the bit. He said not everyone hears every minute of the show. He said it's out of context if they don't hear the show. He said it's an album about fucking your children. He said he'd have to do a lot of set up for the bit. He said it's so much to explain. Chris thanked Howard for playing it. He said it's a lot of weight off of his shoulders. Howard said it was a funny bit but there was a lot to explain. He said it was over by that time. Robin said someone could tune in right now and hear the song and not know what went on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Memet can't take any criticism. He said that he stays off the air after hearing that stuff. Memet said that he thought the bit was great. He said the Tony Hawking thing has a broader appeal. He said you have to be in the weeds to get the Ronnie bit. The caller told Memet to just take no and go do more bits.
Howard said this guy has a good point. He said the bit was old and it didn't work. Memet said he could have used work but it was a good idea general.
Howard said he thinks that guy made a good point. Chris said he wanted to say rest in peace Angela Muto. He said she was the greatest. Howard said that bit had to be rejected though.
Howard said he has to compliment Chris because he has avoided porn for a month now. Chris said he is rationing it out. He said he was having a tough time sustaining erections. He said he hooked up with a guy recently and he had no problems with his erection. He said the guy was a doctor.
Howard asked about what he did with that guy. Chris went into detail about how he found the guy on an app and he came back up to his room and they had a good time. He said he blew the guy and the guy blew him. He said he ate out his ass too. He said there was a lot going on there. He said if you can lay off the porn it can help your sex life.
Howard said a side note to that story is that Fred is jerking off to it. He asked him to lay off.
Memet said some of the bits are bits they wanted to do in studio. He said that Richard had one. Richard got on and said he and Sal wanted to get raped by Jon Hein in studio. Howard asked what that means. Richard said he and Sal would be naked and they would be in a circle and Jon would have to chase them and see which one he can get down on the floor to rape first. Howard said he assumes that he's going to stick his penis in their ass. Richard said yes. He said he had a conversation with Jon about it recently and he said he would only do it bareback. He said that makes him a little nervous.
Howard said he didn't think Jon would be into the bit. He said that's one reason he rejected it. He said that he doesn't think the guy is gay. He said he didn't even entertain it.
Howard asked Jon if he would be into that. Jon said he was joking with Richard about it and he would never do it. He said that he wasn't into it. He said they both think he would want to rape them on the air. He said it would be funny but he doesn't think it makes it fun for the show.
Howard said he's thinking that maybe Chris would be a better subject. He said how about they do this bit. He said they can't have penetration going on there. Richard said maybe they can do it in a hotel. Howard said when you pitch a rape bit he's not able to wrap his head around it. He said if they're oiled up and they want to see who can get them on the ground first they can do that. He said the rape part can be left out. Richard said he'd be up for that if Jon is. Jon said he has no interest in that. He said he's not going to contribute to the show in that way.
Howard asked if Sal is in on this bit too. Sal said he gets what Howard is saying but it is a funny bit. He said Jon doesn't have to rape them. He said they can just have him tackle them and rub his penis on their faces or something. Howard asked what he's going to do with these guys. He said Richard doesn't understand his explanation. Richard said he gets it. He said he knows why he rejected it. He said it is fun to talk about.
Sal said he thinks Howard is trying to say that rape is wrong. Howard said that is what he's saying. He said that Richard and Sal should go down to H.R. today and complain about him not letting them do this bit.
Howard said he sees the humor in the bit. He said he doesn't ever think about doing something like that though. Robin asked why Richard is always trying to get something in his ass. Howard said because it's funny.
Howard said lets imagine the bit happening. He talked about what it would be like with Jon in the studio in a singlet and the boys being nude. Jon said he'd have to pass on that bit. He said he's not a team player when it comes to that kind of thing. Robin asked if there's anyone else who would step in for Jon. She said maybe Mike Trainor. Howard said there's something funny about Jon's straight demeanor and physicality. He said Trainor will do anything to get on air.
Howard talked to Jon about the bit more and talked about what it might look like. Jon said he could take them down and they'd turn colors you've never seen before.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Tony Hawking who said he wanted to rape Sal and Richard. He bailed on that bit really quick.
Howard said lets go to the next bit. Richard had another one and explained that Howard used to watch this Master Bill guy in porn and he thought that he had chloroformed women. Howard said he never did that. He said he was about putting clothes pins on women's nips and stuff like that. Richard said he thought that it would be funny if Howard chloroformed him and changed his clothes while he was passed out. Howard said he explained this before. He said that he can't make him pass out because that stuff could kill him. He said that he would never do that. He said Robin gets it. He said Richard doesn't get it. He said this is something out of the realm of possibility. He said that he can't knock him out. Richard said he'd sign a release like the Titan Submersible. Howard said those people signed an agreement that said no one would be responsible. He said the families are already lawyering up to sue the company. He said that this would never happen. He said that's why he rejected the bit.
Howard said if there were no laws in this country what bit would Richard want to do. Richard said he still thinks that they could do the bit where they hang upside down and hold cups in their mouths and see who can fill their cup up with pee first. Sal said this is all Richard. He said he didn't come up with that idea. Howard said they're hanging upside down and they have to pee into their cups. Sal said they'd have the cup in their mouths. He said they have to try to fill it up with piss. He said this is Richard's idea completely. Wolfie suggested that they try to fill the other guy's cup. Richard said don't complicate the bit.
Howard took a call from fake Jim Meyer who was suggesting bits to do. Howard bailed on that call very quick.
Howard asked Memet what he has next. Memet said they have a guy named Mike Fox who did a Nikki Minaj bit at the height of COVID. Mike got on and said that Nikki had claimed that her cousin had swollen testicles after taking the vaccine. He had Howard play a clip of the news reports about that. Mike said that he created a song parody about this. Howard played the song and it was all about the vaccine blowing up balls.
Howard said he doesn't want to insult him but there was nothing funny about it. He said the setup was monotonous. He said it was hard to understand and it was repetitive. Mike said he thought it was a real home run. Howard said he seems to remember that he almost fired him after hearing that. Mike said there's more to the song. Howard played the remaining 23 seconds. Howard said that changes everything.
Mike said that may not be a home run. He said that he had the idea and ran with it. Howard said the guys who work on the show put together stuff and he reviews it. He said sometimes they rework it. He said it's a process. Howard said he tells the guys to submit every thought they have. He said that he'd like to hear it all. Mike said that he has said so what if you hit a foul ball. Robin said he didn't even hit the ball. Howard said he liked that Mike submitted it. He said Memet wanted to know why they were rejected so that's why they're doing this. He said he would never humiliate Mike by saying the bit really sucked. He said he's answering honestly with this.
Howard said he writes a lot of stuff and it doesn't make it on air. He said a lot of them go to the psychiatrist.
Howard said he has to tip toe around the guys there. He said that sometimes the bit doesn't work. He said they may have to rework it. He said this one just didn't work at all.
Howard asked Memet what the next bit was. Memet said there's one bit that he may have been wrong about. He said this is Mike Trainor's bit. Mike said this was about Jon Hein looking like a lesbian. He said he made a bit where he was a lesbian super hero saving the day. He said that this was a Jan Hein: Lesbian Hero bit. Howard said this one was rejected but here it is. He played the bit where Jon Hein was Jan Hein the Lesbian Hero. In the bit Jan Hein is helping Nicole Bass.
Howard said first of all there was a funny line in there about her vulva. Howard said he's not sure where to begin with this. He said that these guys love goofing on Jon Hein. He said Jon doesn't understand it. He said the audience isn't in on the joke. He said that's one reason he rejected it. He said the audience isn't going to get it. Mike said he gets that. He said he thinks that people would pick up on that pretty quick though. Howard said the bit was long and it required a lot of set up.
Howard said the guys all think that everyone knows who Jon Hein is. He said the reality is that people don't know the whole show. He said they know his name because his name is on the show. He said people think Robin's name is Robin Givens. He said that some fans know everyone but not everyone knows the whole show. He said the average guy won't know. Howard said if he got rid of Gary tomorrow no one would know he was missing. He said that's the reality. Mike said he understands but he's glad the bit got played.
Howard said he watched Robin's face and she was smiling at first. He said halfway through he could see that she just wondered if the bit was going to end.
Howard said they have to move on. Jon Hein said that he is aware of the joke there. He said he gets it and he understands where the guys are going with the bit. He said he was happy to be in it and be the butt of the joke.
Memet said there are some bits that Jon Blitt had rejected. He asked if he wants to have him on. Howard said sure. Blitt came on and went through a bunch of stupid bits he wants to do for the show that have been rejected.
Howard said he has an idea for a bit. He asked why he shouldn't fire him right away. Jon said he has a movie idea. He said it's Private Parts 2: Killing Hitler. Howard bailed on Blitt a short time later. He was done pretty quick with all of that.
Howard said he's not bitching about his job but the hardest part of his job is being the gatekeeper of the show. He said he knows guys work hard and they use their stuff on the air. He said this is the hard part telling them what doesn't work. He said he talks to Will who is the head writer on the show and he tells him what to do.
Memet said JD and Jon Blitt came up with a bit together. JD got on and said that they wanted to do this George Lucas thing where he has all of these sexual adventures. Howard said they want to now why he rejected this bit, right? JD said the first one is George going to get a happy ending massage. Howard played the bit and their fake George Lucas, who sounds nothing like George Lucas, goes on adventures and this was a happy ending massage.
Howard asked what's funny here. He said JD is cracking up. Howard said Robin looks confused by it. Robin said there were so many things going through her head. Howard said he rejected it because it was a lot to go through. Howard said it was bad. He said it just didn't work. He said it was funnier when they set it up. He said he gets that it's funny to hear JD laughing through the whole explanation.
Howard said the whole thing seemed like a lot of trouble for not a lot of laughs. Mike said it's funny that he played it.
Blitt and JD talked about more of the ideas they had for fake George Lucas. Howard said he didn't hire JD as a writer. He said he hired him to pull clips and stuff. JD said he was trying to do more around there. Howard said he admires that. He said Blitt has bad ideas and JD figured he could throw out some bad ideas too.
Howard said he can't wrap his head around this bit. He said it just threw him. He said he's not sure what it is. He said they pitched it and it didn't work.
Howard asked Memet if he has more. Memet said Benjy pitches a lot of sex crime stuff. Howard said wait until you hear this. He said Benjy is out of his mind. Benjy said there was one bit that he liked. Howard said he thought there was but he may have been mistaken. Benjy said he had a couple of things. He said he had one where Howard is interviewing Rudy Guiliani. Gary said this is so much worse. He said Howard raised money for 9/11 victims. He said Rudy was going to come in and accept the money and Benjy wanted to come into the studio and masturbate while he was there without explaining it.
Howard asked on what planet this would have worked. Benjy said he doesn't think this was 9/11 related. Howard said he thinks it was. Howard said Rudy was still a respected guy at the time and it was an important thing they were doing. He said he's not sure what Benjy was thinking. Benjy said he wanted to do it with the Wayans brothers too and he rejected that. He said they did it with Courtney Love. Howard said he did not. Benjy said he did. He said Tom C came in and put a stop to it. Howard said he was right doing that. He said he doesn't want him jerking off in front of any guests.
Howard asked Benjy what else he has. Benjy said he wants to explain to black people saying the N-word on the streets. He said he wants to explain to them why not to do it. Howard said he has a lot of issues with Benjy and his bits.
Howard asked if they have any other pitches. Benjy went into another thing but Howard was done with him. He didn't want to hear more from him. Memet said he thinks they have petered out by this point. Howard asked what Benjy feels he needs an explanation on. Benjy said this was a song about... Howard cut him of and said he's done. He said it's enough. He said he has to stop this bit. He said he's done enough.
Howard said please cut Benjy's mic. Benjy asked what the f is going on. Howard had them cut him off. He said he wants to thank the boys for the bit. He said it was good. He said he has to get a breather. Robin said what a great idea Memet.
Howard took a call from Ralph who reviewed the bits and said the Mike Trainor bit was the worst of the bunch. He said that it was way too long. He said it was still dumb. Mike said Ralph can't even do the one job he has right. Howard said he has a point there. Robin said the voices were good in the JD bit. She said that George sounded like George Lucas (no it didn't) and Harrison Ford sounded like Harrison.
Howard said he had to get out of that. Robin said it was painful toward the end. Howard said his wife will ask him what he's doing and he's there reviewing bits. He said that's what he's doing and she thinks it's all nonsense. Howard said he has to be fair to the guys. He said they have written many great things for the show. He said he applauds them for that. He said they are doing their jobs by pitching everything to him. He said he and Fred would write bits together. He said they pitched everything to each other. He said there you go. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and asked if Robin ever watches this guy David Pakman. Robin said she's heard the name but she never has. Howard said this guy seems like a kid but he likes what he does. He said he talks about politics. He said he gets his free feed. He said he doesn't give any money or anything. He said he doesn't even like his videos. He said he has friends who are really into likes. He said they ask why he doesn't like their stuff. He said he doesn't do that.
Howard said he watches a lot of YouTube about chess and stuff. He said this dude David Pakman shows up a lot. He said the guy is good. He asked Jason if he knows who he is. Jason said he didn't hear who he was talking about. Howard said he thought he popped up for a reason. He let Jason go.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on there. He said guys keep popping up. Howard said they say David is 39 years old. He said he thought he was a high school student. He said he's very good. He said he's not paying for this mention. He said he's just good and he mentioned him.
Howard said he's not paying for more content. He said he already pays for content. He said he pays for so many apps. He said there are just so many of them. He said he's on a lot you've never even heard of. Robin said she signed up for one called Topic for one show.
Howard said he's maxed out on the shit he pays for every month. He said he has YouTube premium with no commercials. He said that's worth it. He said he's not sure why he's paying them but he does get to skip commercials.
Howard said this guy David is very good. He said he generally agrees with everything he has to say. Robin asked why he cares if he already thinks like that. Howard said he likes the way he articulates it. He said what he loves is that he explains stuff in a great way.
Howard said there's a tape of Trump that just came out where he's talking about how he has classified documents that can't show these people and he's telling them about what he has in those documents. He said if this happened to him doing this he'd be in prison awaiting a speedy trial. He said that's what would be happening to him right now. He said that Trump is somehow not in prison waiting for his trial.
Howard said he is not anti-republican. He said he has backed many over the years. He said he backed Giuliani, Patacki, Whitman, Christie and more. He said he's not a liberal but when he hears this stuff he's wondering what the hell is going on in this world. He said he watches David Pakman and people like that because he feels like they have a grip on reality. He said he feels like he's out of his mind some days. He said this is way worse than what Hillary was doing with her emails.
Howard said he just wanted to say he likes this guy. He said he's very articulate. He said just watch the guy and see how good he is. Robin said no one is having their minds changed over this stuff.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Trump was there going over the many documents he has and how they're really just papers. He said they're not documents at all. He had nuclear codes and things like that he was flipping through.
Howard asked fake Trump if he can show some of those documents. Trump said he can and they make women wet as they say. Howard said he'll check in with Robin about that. Fake Trump went through the documents and told them some secrets like Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg and Howard Stern being aliens. He went through a lot of other stuff and then Howard closed the fake door on fake Trump.
Howard said the justice department filed charges against a guy named Jack Teixeira. He said this guy is a 21 year old who is accused of leaking classified documents. He said this guy Jack has the government up his ass. He said meanwhile Trump is out there still doing his thing. He said he thinks he's out of his mind some days when this kind of thing is going on.
Howard said there was a poll that was taken asking right wingers if they would rather have Joe Biden or Putin as president and they were saying they would rather have Putin. He said they seem to want to have an autocrat as president. He said that this one woman was all worked up about Juneteenth. He said she was going on and on about white people not getting any holidays for themselves. He said give him a fucking break. He said it's crazy out there.
Howard said there's a guy out there who is in a militia in Russia and they were going to try to overthrow Putin. He said then the guy backed off. He said he thinks what happened there is that Putin rounded up his family and said he'd kill them all if they didn't back off. Robin said they say that he felt there was enough disgruntled military that people around Putin would join him or sit back and watch as he did his thing. She said that he got word on the way there that they were standing firm for Putin.
Howard said he's sure that everyone knows about Putin's tactics. He said that he can't give you the list of people who have stood up to him and suddenly end up dead or in a hospital. Robin said that or they fly out a window. Howard said he's not sure what's going on but you don't want a guy like that running this country. He said that's why he watches people who think like him and David Pakman is like that.
Howard said you know Trump would throw people out a window if he could. He said he stopped being his friend when he didn't agree with him politically. He said he has friends who don't agree with him politically. He said it's human nature. He said everything is just weird in our world right now. He said he feels we're on the brink of some big disaster. He said the world is so beautiful. He said he was at his daughter's wedding over the weekend and it was the whole weekend. He said that just seeing his kids and seeing them happy is what's great about this country. He said he feels the same way about everyone's kids. He said there are so many things out there in this country that are so great. He said there's so much out there. He said that he's at a loss understanding why someone would want a dictator over someone like Joe Biden. He said they'd rather have Putin throwing people out of windows.
Howard you don't want a dictator here. He said it's fucking crazy. He said we live in the best country in the world. He said we have such great freedoms here. Howard said his father would talk about how his mother liked Kaiser Wilhelm. He said that she liked him because he let people have some personal freedoms. Howard said he's not sure why you'd want to risk having freedom for someone who wants to be a dictator. Someone who wanted to overthrow an election. Howard said this guy David Pakman is really good at getting his point across. He said he like the guy.
Robin said Henry Kissinger turned 100 and they did an interview with him. She said he looks like he's collapsing but his brain still works and he makes sense out of all of this. She said that he can tell you what made Putin the guy he is. She said he may not remain in power much longer because of the way he has been doing things. She said he probably won't win the war against Ukraine. She said it's got to be tough to be in that body and having a brain that still works so well.
The caller asked for advice on giving a wedding toast. Howard said this wedding meant everything to his daughter. He said he didn't want to ruin it. Robin saw pictures and said that she looked so happy. She said she looked like she was having the time of her life.
Howard told the caller, Jerry, that he loves his kid so much. He said she calls him on her way to work every morning. He said they just talk. He said it makes him so happy. He said she lights him up. He said all of his daughters do. He said that he had to make a speech and he knew it was going to be tough. He said he had a friend who had to do that recently and he asked to read it. He said he had to figure out his own path on this thing though. He said he had another friend who told him he was writing a speech for his daughter too. He said he told the guy not to put jokes in it. Howard said he had to keep all jokes out of his own speech.
Howard said he never turned in papers ahead of time. He said he was a deadline guy. He said that the days were creeping by and he had nothing. He said he started to write down his thoughts in his journal. He said he wrote stuff down real quick. He said that he had an 11 minute long speech with a lot of jokes in it. He said he was going to do impressions of his parents and all of this stuff. He said he cut all of that stuff out and came up with a better speech. He said he wrote about this song that reminds him of his daughter. He said that got things going.
Jerry said that he has a song like that by Perry Como called ''Father of Girls.'' He said there are some lyrics that would be good for that. Howard didn't think they'd work and told Jerry that. Howard said he quoted a Paul Simon song that makes him think of his daughter. He said that his advice is to writ it all down and cut out the funny shit and just write about what you love about your daughter and what you think about the guy marrying her.
Howard said he thinks his speech was about 4-5 minutes tops. Jerry said he's going for about 2 minutes. Howard said make it the strongest 2 minutes he can. He said don't write bits like he was going to do. He said that Beth set him straight about some things. He said that he was going to bring up some of her ex-boyfriends and Beth said don't do that. He said you need someone with common sense to guide you.
Jerry asked why the Transcendental Meditation thing wasn't in his movie. Howard said the movie was entertainment. He said he didn't think it had a place in the movie. He said it was a light hearted thing. He said that he just didn't put it in there.
Jerry said he loves the show even though his wife hates him. Howard said people say the weirdest shit to him. He said someone said to him the other day that they love the interviews but not all of that other shit he does. He said that he had a woman say to him that she thinks he's good looking and not that bad. He said then she was saying he has his own look. He said she wouldn't stop. He said please don't comment on his looks. He said he knows he's not good looking so just ignore him. He said don't comment.
Howard took a call from fake Henry Kissinger. He was talking about how his cock still works. Howard said the guy was hurting when he saw him. He said he's 100. He said it's crazy.
Robin said she was watching My 600 Pound Life and 1000 Pound Sisters the other day. She said she wouldn't be watching if it wasn't for Howard. She said that one of the sisters got pregnant. She said she was like ''What the hell?'' Howard said you want to just yell at them for doing the things they do. He said it's stuff you just can't believe.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he sounds like Sal saying he's not racist because he's got black friends when he says he's not a liberal. Howard said he has been registered independent and he has pretty conservative views. He said he doesn't get what's going on with the party right now with Trump and all of that. The caller said he gets it he was just joking. Howard said he votes for sanity.
The caller asked if Fred was ever going to be on the guest list. Howard said not at all. He said that her wedding was about her friends and family. He said that she had over 200 guests on her list and he had very few people at his table. He said it was his cousins and his friend Lou. He said he has known Lou since fourth grade. He said he didn't want people having to buy gifts and stuff so he kept it a private affair.
The caller asked if he would be willing to say what he spent on the wedding. Howard said he'd rather not talk about it. He said he's a practical guy about money. He said he told the kids that he would put a down payment on a house instead. He said he was wrong because the wedding was beautiful and emotional. He said that's what they wanted and that's what they got. He said his daughter works hard for her money and she gets the value of money.
Howard said he'll just say that he's living paycheck to paycheck right now. He said that he will be signing a 20 year contract at Sirius. Howard said he's just kidding.
Howard and Fred talked about the wedding and Fred congratulated him on Ashley's marriage. He also mentioned Kaiser Wilhelm so Howard spent a little more time on that.
Howard said he's been watching the new Bachelorette. He said she's very attractive. Robin said she didn't know who she was since she hasn't been watching the past few seasons.
Howard read more feedback about the wedding. He had some feedback about his wardrobe and his dancing. Robin said she was so happy to hear he was dancing. She said he let his hair down and got out there and did his thing. Howard said his wife can really dance. He said she dances but he just gets up and does this. He got up and showed Robin. Robin described what he was doing. Howard said he knows it's lame. He said there were some guys dancing that he'd like to be able to be like. He said he doesn't want to look like he's juggling like he does.
Howard said he would like to be able to make more moves. He asked JD about taking lessons. JD said he has some moves. He did his thing and Howard said he looks good. Howard said he's actually pretty good. He said he hates that he's a better dancer than him. Robin said they're about equal. Howard said that's only when he lets go. JD said you have to drink to be able to let go. Howard said he was thinking that maybe he should smoke some weed or something. He said years ago he would do anything. He said that was years ago. Robin said try some gummies or something. Howard said he's not going to do that. He said last time he did weed he and Beth had sex and she says it was the best sex ever. Howard said he got bitten by mosquitos all night because he was outside the whole night.
JD said he got wasted and slept in a hammock. He said he even got rained on and he had no idea. He said he passed out and doesn't remember anything.
Howard said he's shocked that he got that drunk in front of Richard. He said he could have taken his clothes off. Richard said he should have tickled his balls or something. JD said he had his chance. Richard said they'll have more chances. JD said no they won't. He said don't touch him. He was thinking about what would happen if he did do that to him. Howard and Robin told him not to draw a line or Richard may try to get to that line.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that all women can dance. He said guys are the ones who can't do it. Howard said his wife looks like she's having so much fun. He said he's not sure how she does it. The caller said women just have a natural groove.
Howard said his daughter was dancing and he wondered who taught her. He said that she looked like a professional. Robin said her friends all dance with her. She said they learn together.
Howard said he and Fred should get together and practice. Fred said that's a great idea.
Howard said Robin thinks that just being free and having no inhibitions is the way to dance well. He said he's afraid that he'll do that and do something really stupid. He said then they'll all think he's a douche. He said it can go too far.
Howard said he's had enough. He stopped dancing. Howard said they had a wedding band there and he was surprised they didn't have a DJ. He said the band was good though. He said he doesn't usually enjoy a wedding band but these guys were good.
Howard said he did the daddy daughter wedding dance. He said he wasn't very good at it. He said that he held her and he didn't know what they were doing. He said he led her around the dance floor. He said he did the fox trot or something. He said he was doing the Howard trot. He said they did the dance and they were on full display for a long time. He said he was running out of moves. Fred played Kung Fu Fighting and said that's what he should have danced to. Howard said that was some song. He said that was Carl Douglas who did that. Gary said this was the joke song on the B-side of the record. Howard said he probably made some good money off of that song. Robin said it was big on Soul Train. Gary said it sold 11 million copies worldwide. Howard asked where Carl is now. No one knew. Howard said he stumped everyone.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Joe Pesci said real men don't dance. He said Howard looks like a court jester. He had a bunch of insults about his looks. Howard let him go after a short time.
Howard said the follow up to Kung Fu Fighting was ''Dance the Kung Fu'' which went nowhere. He said that he would never do a follow up song if he had a hit. He said lightning doesn't strike twice. He said he and his band put out Smell My Tuchus and Steve wanted to put out ''Smell My Tuchus Again.''
Howard got back to the fan feedback and read an email from someone who asked if Sal behaved himself at the wedding. Howard said he wasn't there. He said he was going to invite Sal to his wedding but he knew that Sal would fuck up and do something. He said he had to uninvited him.
Howard had some audio of a conversation he had with Sal about the wedding where he made the decision to not invite him.
Howard said the movie Young Frankenstein is great. He said there's a scene where the guy asks where the brain for the monster came from. He said the guy tells him that he got the brain out of this Abby Normal guy. He said that he tries to strangle him after that. Fred had the clip from the movie that Howard was talking about.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he mentioned he wanted to get back into life and he almost teared up hearing him talk about that yesterday. He said he's so glad he had that epiphany yesterday. Howard thanked him for that. Howard said he's not sure why people congratulate him when his daughter gets married. Robin said raising a child is not easy and it can go wrong. She said it goes wrong a lot. She said to hang in there through thick and thin is an every day job. She said it's forever and that takes a lot. She said Howard has grown into the job.
Howard said a lot of fucked up people get married. He said he doesn't get the congratulations thing but he'll take it. He said OJ was married and we know how that turned out.
Howard said he played clops of Oprah's commencement speeches and people wrote in about that. He read through some of the feedback about that.
Howard said he has some news reports about Oprah's speeches. He played a montage of those reports where reporters were doing impressions of Oprah's ''You get a...'' speeches. Howard said he didn't know that was a thing. He said he knows about the ''You get a car'' thing but he didn't know it was a whole thing now.
Howard said Jon Hein gave a commencement speech years ago. He said he did that at the University of Michigan. He said he's surprised they asked him to do it. Howard played a clip of Jon's speech. Howard said he liked that speech.
Howard said Robin should get in on the commencement speech thing. He said they made up what that might sound like. He played a clip that the guys put together where they had Robin rambling crazy nonsense.
Howard said people wrote in about the Michael Winslow version of The Great American Nightmare they played yesterday. Howard read some feedback about that. Howard said someone asked if he played it for Rob Zombie. He said that he doesn't have it there. He did actually have it so he played the song. Winslow did the whole song with his voice and weird sounds he makes.
Howard said when he does the drums he sounds like drums. He said imagine that there's a nuclear explosion and all of the instruments are destroyed. He said all they have left is Michael Winslow to make the sounds. He played clips of him doing all of the music in the song. Howard said that guy might be the most talented guy in the world.
Howard said he read that Rob Zombie is going on tour with Alice Coper this summer. He said that's going to be wild. He said he's never seen Alice Cooper live. He said he's guessing that Rob is the big act there but he's not sure. He said that Alice has to be in his 70s. He said he thinks he's older than they are. Howard read that Alice is 75. He said he's got a few years on them.
Robin said she saw a video of Elton John playing at Glastonbery and it was amazing. She said the crowd was huge.
Howard said he has to get out of there so he'll do this last. He said that Bebe Rexha got hit with a cell phone in concert. He said they asked Ronnie what he would have done if that happened while he was security. Ronnie said there's not much you can do to prevent that. He said that he was thinking that they could put netting up in front of the stage. He said you'd still be able to see the stage and all of that. He said they could catch it in a net. Howard said he was thinking a clear plastic or something.
Howard said Aaron Lewis ended up pushing a guy off stage when an audience member came up. He played a clip of Aaron saying that didn't work out the way that guy expected. He said that he has had friends killed on stage by fans so he's not going to deal with that. Aaron said that the deal is that the yellow line on the stage separates them. He said you step on his side he can't promise you what's going to happen. Howard said you might think he's being uptight but his friend Dimebag Darrell got killed by a fan who shot him in 2004.
Howard said someone threw their dead mother's ashes on stage at a Pink concert. He said that's just weird. Robin said you don't know what the intentions of that guy are when he rushes the stage. Howard said Dave Chappelle has been rushed on stage too. He said there you go. He said there were a couple of other things but he'll get to that another day. He said that he has to end the show. He said they can't go too long.
Howard said Sarah Jessica Parker will be on tomorrow. He said on Friday they have a new episode of Songs I Want to Hear on Howard 101. He said that's coming on Friday. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:20am.
Howard said Pat Sajak was an unknown guy when he got the Wheel of Fortune job. He said Merv Griffin found him as a weather man. He said he didn't need a big name personality to do the job. He said at the start he wasn't making 15 million a year. He said as long as you have an announcer voice you can do that job. He said even JD tried out and didn't do too bad. He played a recent clip where they tried him out.
Howard said Ryan is going to cost them as much or more than Pat. He said it's a smart thing but you could have gotten anyone to host that show. He said that they didn't need to pay someone big money to do it. Robin wondered how old Ryan is because they could have had another really long run. Howard said he's 48. He said it's not a bad choice but you do wonder if anyone else could do that job. He said this guy has more jobs. He said it's a remarkable career.
Howard said someone gave him a list of his job. He ran down that list and said he's the host of American Idol. He said America's Got Talent was too much for him. He said his radio show is a lot more work than most people's radio shows. Robin said that Howard is working all day long. Howard said he proved it yesterday with the rejected bits segment.
Howard read through more of the hosting jobs that Ryan has. The list was pretty long. Howard said he's the new host of Wheel of Fortune. He said he knows guys who are pulling their hair out over this news. He said guys like Booker are upset. Howard said you have to get on this stuff quick.
Howard read more about what Ryan is up to and how he's releasing his own olive oil line. He said he has to ask Sarah Jessica Parker about that kind of stuff. He said a lot of actors are ''business people'' now.
Howard replayed one of the news clips where this news anchor was talking about how she doesn't like him so much. He said he didn't like the way she said ''radio'' when talking about him.
Howard asked Gary if he's unreasonable here. Gary said he went on and ordered his seat and he'll get his sometime in November. He said you can pause your membership for up to 3 months. Howard said how about pausing it until he gets his seat. He said he just knows that it'll take him hours to figure all of that out.
Howard said you'd think they'd give you a break and stop the subscription. He said he's really pissed about this and a few other things. He said he's been up all morning getting upset. He said his wife hears it all. He said that he's angry about things and he huffs and puffs at 3 in the morning. He said it wakes Beth up. He said he doesn't realize he's doing it but he tosses and turns.
Howard said he's pissed about his dad. He said that he has been paying for his parents for a long time. He said his dad had a mountain of dough and he didn't know it. He said he never once offered to pay for anything. He said he had a lot of money himself. He said he was spending a lot of money on him. He said he thinks he should have paid for some stuff. He said he was paying for the delivery of the NY Times. He said he thought his dad didn't have any money. He said he didn't plan his old age properly. He said he'd be bankrupt by now if he didn't pay for this stuff. He said he's not upset about how he's paying but that it was just expected of him to do that.
Howard said Al Rosenberg died yesterday so he was upset about that. He said he got word about that. He said he's been in touch with him. He said he knew he was ill and he was in the hospital for a while. He said he had various things going on. He said Gary let him know the news.
Howard said Al was on the show at WNBC and he was there for maybe a year or so. He said this was back in the 80s. He said things were really shitty over there at NBC. He said it was a nightmare and things were bad. He said if he wanted to hire someone there he didn't have any money. He said Imus had the morning guy money. He said they wanted him fired and out of there.
Howard said while they were in this diaster over there at NBC Imus had all of these guys who did voices and stuff. He said Al was there and Al was the only nice one out of the group. He said Al said he loved the show and he needed that. He said he didn't get a lot of that. He said they told him he was shitty. He said Al was the one guy who did that.
Howard said Imus got a hot new girlfriend while they were there. He said Imus wanted to put her on the payroll so he fires Al and hires the girlfriend to do vices on the show. He said that he didn't know this girl but she was no voice person. He said that's all he'll say. Fred said the rumor was that she was ''the girl of many voice.'' Howard said he's not there to bash her.
Howard asked if Fred knew that Al had passed. Fred said he did and he was the only saint there who treated them like human beings. He said he doesn't know about him but he never heard him say a bad thing about anyone. He said he didn't have a mean bone in his body.
Howard said Imus fired Al after years of service. He said there was no preamble there. He said he just let him go. He said in a stroke of good luck they were able to get Al. He said he had made so many nice friends there that Pig Virus came to him and asked if he wanted Al on his show. He said yes of course. He said he loved Al and he'd take any help he could get. He said Pig Virus didn't want to see Al go. He said he thinks they were upset with that whole situation.
Howard said Al was there to contribute. He said next thing you knew he was there and doing voices for them. Howard said he fit right in. He said Al confused to him and said he was much happier there.
Howard said they were using Al in a way that worked well. He said he was on fire and Imus got real jealous. He said that Imus used to listen to his show like it was religious service because he was teaching him how to do radio. He said he wasn't all scripted and he was just talking off the cuff.
Howard said months later Imus wanted Al back. He said Al came to him and told him that Imus wanted him back. He said he didn't want to go back but he told Al he's going to get fired himself so he should take the job. He said Al went back to that animal and worked for him so he had a job. He said if he had stayed with him he could have lost his job. He said Imus didn't respect the people who worked for him. He said there was a rough patch there and Imus wasn't that nice to him.
Howard said he let Al off the hook. He said he knew he couldn't keep him. He said they had a couple of months where Al was great on the show. He said years later he had his channel 9 show and he hired Al to play some characters there. He said he always kept in touch with him over the years. He said he thinks the let Al go years later. He said he had other people with him at the time but they stayed in touch. He said he got word that Al was sick and kept in touch. He said Al was older than him but not but a lot. Fred said he was 78. Howard said that's quite a bit older. He said he always looked 50 years older than you.
Howard said Gary was hired during the time that Al was there. He said Fred and Al went out and found Gary to hire. He said they came to him and said they thought he'd be good. He said Al really busted his ass. He said they told him to come back with a suit on. He said Al would dress like a farmer but he told Gary to wear a suit to get the job. He said they busted his balls. He said Fred and Al were the ones who hired Gary.
Gary said he did meet with Howard. He said he trusted people below him. He said he met him for about 30 seconds. Howard said he went to them and asked if that was the only guy and they said yes.
Gary said Al really was a really nice guy. He said he'd buy a pizza every Friday and they would split it because he didn't have money. Howard said Al was very touchy feely too. He said he had to ask him to back off. He said he was rubbing him like a magic lantern.
Howard said he was a really nice guy. Gary agreed. Robin said Al reached out to her when his wife passed. She said that he wasn't in touch with him over the years because he had indicated that he always had a crush on her. She said that they were friendly certainly but he thought there was a spark there. Howard said she never told him that. Fred said he's pissed because he did the same thing to him. He said he had diner with Al but there was no touching or talk of a spark or anything.
Howard said that would have been a power couple. Robin said it was very awkward for her. She said she really liked Al but not in that way. Howard said he loves it when guys work up the nerve to approach her. He said she can't handle situations like that. He said she doesn't know what the fuck to do.
Howard said he does like the name Robin Rosenberg. He asked if they had lunch or dinner. Robin said it was probably lunch. Howard said that's why he tells her not to go out at all. He said that's what you get. He said Al must have died of a broken heart. Robin said that they'd run into him and Al still had that look around her. Howard said every guy wants to get in her pants. Robin said it's not every guy.
Howard said he hopes Robin lets them down easy. Robin said she tries. She said guys can't take hints though. She said you have to let them know.
Fred said that's an unbelievable story. He said he can't top that. Robin said that's why she wasn't in touch with Al. She said Gary told her about Al a few weeks ago. Howard said he was going back to some old pictures and saw Robin showing off those big titties of hers. He said now Al can visit her in her apartment. He said rest in peace Al. He said that Robin broke his heart. He said that she used to straddle her patients and she ended up breaking Al's heart.
Stacy told Howard that she just wanted to tell him she loves him. She said she had a dream about him yesterday. Howard said he hopes his wife is listening. He asked if she's beautiful. She said she is. She said she had this dream where Howard was laying on top of her and he was broadcasting. She said that dream made her day. She said she has been in love with him for years.
Howard said this sounds interesting to him. He said she's naked on her belly and he's laying on top of her naked. Stacy went through the story and told him that she grabbed his ass in the dream. She said she has had many dreams about him. Howard asked if she blew him in the dream. She said sure she did. Howard asked if she tongued his ass. She said she's not sure she'd go there. Howard said even JD has had that but women don't want to do that to him for some reason. He said he gets why but no one offers.
Howard asked JD about doing that. JD said he has had that. He said he doesn't want to talk about that. He said he did take a shower first. He said it was after a comedy show. Howard said she stuck her tongue up his ass. JD said she did and it was good. Howard said by the way he wants to go on record that he was on his back getting a blow job and she put his knees in the air. JD said she did. Howard asked how far the tongue goes in there. JD said it was in far enough to feel good. He was nervous laughing during that explanation.
JD said it felt good and he completed. Howard said that's some story. He said no offense but just look at him. He said he knows he's gross himself but he'd stop a woman if she wanted to do that to him. JD said he's the same way but she was into it so there you go. Howard asked if he kissed her after that. JD said he doesn't think so. He said this was a while ago. He said he doesn't remember her face smelling like ass or anything.
Howard asked if he has a hairy asshole. JD said he's sure there's some hair back there but maybe not that much.
Howard asked JD if he saw her again. JD said she ended up with someone else. He said they lived far apart so they didn't get together. He said it was a one time thing. He said they were talking for a while but then she went off with another guy. Howard asked what JD is up to. JD said he doesn't even want to talk about this stuff. Howard said he's smiling like a woodchuck.
Howard said this must be the girl who went into witness protection after being with him. JD said whatever. Howard said her rock bottom was eating JD's asshole. He said it was touch and go for a while. He said it's all good now. He asked if she's married now.
Howard said he had a girl who tried to stick her finger in his ass and that felt weird. JD said he's had that too. He said it did not feel good. He said that was too distracting. He said he's out of there now.
Howard said thanks to Stacy for the dream story. He asked how old she is. Stacy said she's 52. Howard said he has to go. He said he was just joking because 52 is young to him now. Stacy said she does love Howard. Howard said he'll take it.
Howard took a call from ''Lacy'' who was telling him about her dream about him. ''She'' was doing an impression of Stacy telling the dream story. Howard let the two of them talk for a short time.
Howard asked Stacy when she was last with a man. She said she has a boyfriend. Howard let the two of them go after that.
Howard said JD got his ass eaten, go figure. Robin said he's had that and a finger up there. She said he can tell which is better.
Howard asked Gary if he's reeling from that story about Al that Robin told. Gary said he's not only reeling but so much makes sense now. He said he had mentioned to Robin about Al and she didn't have any urgency to call. Gary said he can't believe Robin was able to keep that quiet for all these years. Robin said Al was around and she wasn't going to have that be an issue. She said this happened at least 20 years ago. She said she didn't want him to be embarrassed and bring it up. She said they would have made a big deal out of it. Howard said they might have. He said they could have done 10 shows out of that one thing.
Gary said he's shocked. He said he never remembers Al ever saying anything about Robin. Howard said he was a gentleman. Robin said that Al always gave her big, long hugs. She said she thought it was just affectionate. She said it meant more to him apparently.
Gary asked if it ever crossed her mind that it could be about that. Robin said never. She said it came out of left field for her. Gary said that's the best. Howard said he wishes he had tape of that. He said god only knows what he said. Robin said it was very flattering. Howard said that must have been unbelievable. He said he's glad she never told him about it. He said he wouldn't have been able to keep it quiet.
Howard said what an obituary Robin just gave Al. Fred said he was so upset this morning until he heard that story. He said she just made him feel really good. Howard asked what's wrong with that. Fred said it shows he was a human being. He said it made him feel good that he was full of life and love. Howard said now he feels worse for Al. He said it was unrequited love.
Howard said they had a Jimmy Carter impressionist call Bigfoot and Jimmy tells Bigfoot that he's been buried alive. Howard played the call and the fake Jimmy told Bigfoot that he had been buried alive. He asked him to come and dig him up. Bigfoot asked how he can breathe. Jimmy told him that he's only been there a short time. Fake Jimmy asked him to call someone and save him. The Carter impression sounded nothing like Carter.
Howard played the second part of the call where they had Bigfoot on the phone with a grave digger telling him that Jimmy Carter was buried alive. The guy said there's no way that happened. The guy told him to get some help.
Howard said in this part Bigfoot tells Jimmy that he can't get him help. Howard played another part of this insanely convoluted call where Carter asked Bigfoot to have some phone sex so he can cum one more time before he dies. Bigfoot said he'll do that. They had phone sex to wrap up the call. Fake Jimmy died and Bigfoot asked if anyone was there. He didn't get an answer so he said he must have died and hung up.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and asked how long that Mitch and Obama bit took to put together. He said it must have been hours.
Howard said he was thinking about this JD getting his ass eaten. He said he's not jealous at all. He said he doesn't want that from anyone. He said Will was talking about it. Will said he asks her often and she says no every time. He said she'll say no every single time. Will said it's not happening. Howard said he's a good looking guy too. Will said that doesn't matter.
Howard said he'd never want a woman to go through the horror of that. Will said he's just curious. He said JD made it sound like fun. Gary said it is. He said they have to experience it. He said that he's had more than one woman do it to him. He said it's amazing.
Howard said if he were a woman he would not stick her tongue up his ass. JD said there was a lot of alcohol and other drugs involved. Howard said Chris said he'd do it to Will. Will said he's not sure he's looking for that but he appreciates the offer.
Howard asked Chris if he has any Dr. Now advice on Ozempic. Chris did his Dr. Now impression and talked about that for a short time.
Howard said there are a couple of things he wanted to mention. He said there are Baba Booey mentions. He played some clips of some people giving Baba Booey shout outs. He said there was an NBA draft pick who gave him a shout out. He said his name is Victor something. The guys spent a little time talking about how good this young kid is.
Howard said this Michael Kay brought up Gary's pitch in this clip. He played the clip of the broadcasters bringing Gary's pitch up. Howard said Baba Booey is still being shouted out at PGA tournaments. He played a clip of someone yelling it out during a play. Gary said that was just this weekend. Howard said that was Keegan Bradley. He played another clip where Keegan talked about Baba Booey texting him after he won.
Howard asked how Gary is texting that guy. Gary said he's a huge fan of the show and did Wrap Up a few times. He said he has some texts from him. He said he listens to the show. He said they took a picture of his clubs and he had ''Baba Booey'' engraved on them.
Howard said it seems like they want Gary to tell him about this. Gary said maybe but Howard wouldn't know who they are. He said that he agrees with him about that. Howard said he knows people that Gary texts and they'll tell him that they don't like that he texts them. He said he's willing to say something to him but they say no and leave it alone.
Howard asked if Gary abuses the text numbers. He said he rarely texts people. Gary said the only person he thinks is Jimmy Kimmel but he will only text him if it's work related. Robin said Howard has to be making that up. Howard said he doesn't make stuff up. He said that famous people will give him their number and he's very considerate. He said from time to time he may hear something but it's not constant. He said he's just making sure Gary isn't constantly texting. Gary said he doesn't do that. He said he doesn't feel he abuses it. Howard said he's just checking. He said Gary is a good man.
Howard said Tom Morello texted him last night and that was nice. He said it was something private. He said that guy is so good. He said he put out some music with Gary Clark Jr. and it's so good.
Gary said he feels like he's going to get bitten by a tick. Howard said he got bitten once and he was on the beach and the tick attached itself to his balls. Robin said she remembers that. Howard said he had a tick on his balls that looked like a pencil eraser. He said he had to show it to his wife. He said that she never sees his balls in daylight. He said she pulled on it and the tick came out. He said it was so gross. He said it was still alive. Gary said you're not supposed to pull on it. He said this is the worst tick season in ages. Howard said he doesn't sit down anywhere. Gary said his dog has ticks all the time. Howard said that's horrible.
Howard said he got the tick and got no super powers. He said he went on antibiotic right away and didn't get Lyme disease.
Wolfie said he's had 3 ticks so far already this summer. He said he goes out running and comes back with them on him. Howard said he won't go on trails. Howard asked where he lives. Wolfie said he's in Pennsylvania. He said he has dogs so maybe they came from them. He said he had a tick in bed. Howard asked if he's had one on his balls. Wolfie said not yet. He said that would be brutal.
Howard said there are 30,000 cases of tick borne diseases in the country every year. He said he won't go near anything when he goes out.
Howard asked if they think the Russian general dude will be alive or dead. Robin said she thinks that guy knows how to hide. Robin said she thinks that he'll be alive through the summer. Howard said he says he'll be dead. Gary said he thinks he'll make it.
Howard asked if Trump will be in a jail cell. Gary said he will never be in jail. Robin said that the trials aren't happening in the summer. Gary said he thinks he'll be convicted of something and he'll get off somehow.
Howard asked if any Wack Packers will die this summer. Gary said he's shocked that High Pitch Erik is still alive. He said he's not sure how that's possible. Howard said maybe he'll take Ozempic like King of All Blacks.
Howard asked if Jenna Jameson will still be married by the end of summer. They all agreed she'll still be married.
Howard asked if Gary will get injured playing Pickleball. Gary said he has been injured already. He said he won't do it again.
Howard asked if Nick Cannon will announce another baby on the way. Gary said he thinks there will be 2 more by the end of summer.
Howard asked if he'll get his Peloton seat. Gary said no. Robin said no. Gary said if he didn't get it already he's just on the regular person's list.
Howard asked if Canada will still be burning. He said he thinks that's a yes. Robin said she thinks he's right.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she has a daughter who got a tick on her eyelid. She said they had to go to the hospital to get it pulled out. She said it was under the eye lashes and she thought it was a stye. She said she tried to pop it. Howard said ticks have no respect for human beings. He said thanks or the call.
Howard said he's going to bring Joan back to life right now by chanting. He chanted Gary's name and some other stuff to get fake Joan to appear.
Joan showed up and said this had better be for a good reason. Howard said they were talking about her joke collection finding a permanent home. Joan said she put her whole life into those cards.
Howard said he saw some of her joke cards and she had some really funny stuff. He went over some of the jokes he had read. Fake Joan talked about her filing the cards and how that worked for her. She had jokes about how she filed her jokes.
Howard went over jokes with Joan and she had more ''jokes'' about the stuff he brought up.
Howard went through some topics and had Joan tell jokes about those subjects. She had a bunch of dry vagina jokes. She had a bunch of jokes about how ugly she is and things like that. Howard had her tell some old age jokes. Fake Joan told a couple of those.
Howard asked Joan for some jokes about him. She told a few jokes about Howard's looks and big nose. She ended up talking about how dead Howard's career is.
Howard said he's finished with this. Joan said that Al Rosenberg just showed up and he fits her dating profile so she's off. Howard let her go. He said what a bit. He said he misses Joan. He said she was fun.
Howard said Sarah Jessica Parker will be in shortly. He said she's in ''And Just Like That'' and he watches that stuff religiously. He said he really enjoys the show. He said it's supposed to be for women but he enjoys it.
Howard said they recently leaned that she's best friends with Andy Cohen. He said he has to ask her about that.
Howard said Gary and Rahsaan are hosting Summer School specials over the summer. He said they have a Norm Macdonald special up on the app. Gary said Robin and Fred will be on their Summer School specials.
Howard said Gary played trumpet with the band O.A.R. He played some of that. Gary said he had a moment when he went in the lower register and was close to being close and the guitar player nodded at him with approval. Howard went to break after doing a live commercial read.
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Howard came back and talked about the Billy Joel song and said that he was interviewed about Billy for a documentary. He said he sat down for like an hour and talked about him. He said he did a whole psychoanalysis of Billy. He said he's not sure why he even did that but he went deep.
Howard said Sarah Jessica Parker is there. He said he hasn't spoken to her in a long time. He said that he was just watching her last night. Howard asked what kind of music she's into. He asked if she's into Billy Joel. Sarah said she can't even convey how much she loves Billy Joel. She said she wrote fan letters to him as a little girl. She said she put all of his songs on tape. She said she loves him and knows the words to every song. She said he kinds of breaks her heart and makes her feel good.
Howard asked why he breaks her heart. Sarah said that Cold Spring Harbor is a very sad song but it has hope. She said it's about Billy being very open about being human. She said he seems to be transparent about his shortcomings. She said that he's also so available and he's a citizen of New York. She said it's like a poet you know. She said she has met him once. She said she got to say hello to him at a concert. She said her husband got to speak to him too.
Howard said Billy lives on Long Island and he lives where they live. He said he would have thought that she would have met him out there. He said everyone wants to be her friend. Sarah said she's not sure that's true. She said that she has hoped for someone to set something up for her where he visits. Howard said he's going to set something up. He said Billy comes over often for dinner. He said that he likes it because it's a short thing. He said they have a meal and they go their separate ways. He said he's going to have her over. He said it won't be too awkward. He said that they'll have some other people over. Sarah said it's just good to be able to talk about it.
Howard asked if they should invite Andy Cohen over too. Sarah said absolutely. She said she loves Andy. She said she has known him for a long time and she doesn't even realize just how long it is. She said they've been friends for 25-26 years now. She said it's a real friendship. She said they have come a long way. She said it wasn't easy early on. She said they have really come a long way.
Howard said he was talking to Andy last week and he told him about building a house next to her. Sarah said that her daughter is going to baby sit for Ben. She said she actually already has. She said that it's not an annoyance at all. She said it's a bonus thing. Howard said he thought that Andy might be annoying her. He said he's thinking that every gay dude wants to be her friend. He said Andy did want to be friends with her. He said he gets that. He said he's not sure why but he gets it.
Howard said Sarah has to be careful because she has kids. He said all of the kid's friends have parents who must want to be her friend too. He said she had to be wary of all of that. Sarah said she doesn't think she was. She said maybe she's delusional. She said that she never considered that there would be anything like that. She said she didn't feel that from parents in her school. She said she thought about how hard it must be for some kids to go to school and have famous parents. She said that she never really felt it was like that at the school their kids went to. She said she was just a parent in this school. Howard said he thinks what she's saying is that you have to put that shit aside and be wiling to hob knob with people who may be too excited to see them. Sarah said she has daughters who just graduated middle school. She said they're going to high school next year and she likes being involved. She said she likes being a parent.
Howard asked Sarah suffered from some trauma. He said that her father left when she was just 18 months old. He said that was her biological father. Sarah said that he may be repeating what he's read. Howard said he felt that she has suffered from that trauma. He said she ended up with 3 other siblings and she had 4 more kids with the new husband. He said you can get lost in a large family. He said she had no relationship with her biological father. He said that can traumatize her. Sarah said she did see her father but there was a period when she didn't see him. She said he didn't abandon them and they're still in touch. She said that she was 18 months old so that was in 1968 and it was in the middle of Ohio and that wasn't happening a lot. She said she was fortunate that she had another father in her life. She said it was hard for her father to be characterized as a villain in her life. She said that's not how it was. She said not having money was another thing that they had going on and that was common where they grew up. She said that she's glad she's able to get this out on this show. She said that she doesn't think of this as trauma in her life. She said her family just moved along in their lives. She said things that felt challenging were good for them so she wouldn't want it any other way. She said her father was not a villain. She said he got remarried and they're still together today. She said they were lucky it wasn't more colorful than that.
Sarah said that she did an interview years ago that made her father upset. She said that she felt bad about that. She said she didn't mean for it to come out that way. She said it made him feel lousy and she felt bad about that. She said she has tried to chip away at that so that's why she's glad she can do this on here. She said she's good and he's good.
Howard said what he was driving at was that if she was traumatized he would have said that she may not know how to parent her kids but that's clearly not the case. Sarah said she had a great father presence in her life and he just passed in September. She said she was really lucky. Sarah said her mother was very strict at times. She said things were okay but they didn't have a lot of money. She said she was able to get the free lunches at school but it was embarrassing to raise your hand when they had to do that to get free lunch.
Sarah said that they had a nice house that turned into a mess. She said they had cars that were well used outside. Sarah said her mother was always picketing things. She said her mother had a lot of things she'd picket and protest. She said they weren't able to eat things because of things that were going on around the world.
Howard said she grew up without any TV too. Sarah said they got that later. Howard said she started acting very young. He asked if she felt pressure to make money to help her family. Sarah said that she didn't feel an obligation. She said she felt she would be contributing. Howard said she was making like $4,000 a week on Square Pegs. Sarah said she had opportunities because her family was making sacrifices. She said she felt like she was part of a co-op. She said she didn't mind helping to pay the bills. Sarah said her mother was in deep conflict about her acting. She said she loved doing it and she loved having money and being independent. She said she just had enough money when she left home to pay rent and all of that. She said her family didn't take all of her money. She said there were also enough laws in place that they weren't able to use it all. She said they could only take a percentage. She said a lot of that was paying for a car and an apartment to live in during her time on Square Pegs.
Howard said his parents were very frugal and he's still pissed about how much money he had saved up and didn't tell him about. He said growing up poor you must want to be frugal. He asked if she could have a better car and house. Sarah said that she's got a nice house. Howard said he'll be the judge of that. He said she shouldn't have to live next to Andy Cohen. Sarah said she is very thoughtful about money. She said she does wonder if something happens if she'll have enough money. She said she thinks about all of that. She said she's told she's got it all set up and she's fine. Howard said he needs that assurance too. He said he knows he doesn't have to work but he feels he needs a paycheck coming in. Sarah said she's glad that's the way she thinks. She said that she's glad she learned to work hard early and she has a work ethic she can rely on. She said that's expected of her.
Sarah said she has a 1976 Country Squire wagon that she loves. She said that Jerry Seinfeld drove in it. She said the car is an exquisite boat. She said the car smells like gasoline and it's great. She said she knows that this car has so many miles that she has to find something different. Howard said there are so many great SUVs out there. Sarah said she has no desire to get into them. She said they have nice cars too but she loves that wagon. She said she loves the car so much. She said that people stop her all the time about it. She said that surfers love it too. She said they have offered her great money to buy it from her. Howard said he had a Dodge Polara when he got out of college. He said he had a 1970 Valiant too. He said it was exciting to get money and be able to buy something nice that won't break down.
Howard said Sarah takes the subway all the time. Sarah said she took it yesterday. She said that the fastest way to get around is the train. Howard asked if she's petrified down there. Sarah said not at all. She said she has seen it all down there though. Howard said she must have seen a lot. Sarah said there are people going to the bathroom and clipping their nails and stuff. She said people eating is no offense at this time. She said that people find pleasure down there too.
Howard said people must recognize her down there. Sarah said she has headphones on all the time but she'll turn down selfies and things. She said she tells people that the government won't allow her to take pictures so she'll tell them that. She said she has never had security either. Howard said he has to talk to her off the air. Sarah said security creates a crowd. She said it makes it worse.
Sarah said she and Matthew got on the 1 train on Friday night. She said it was absolute madness out there. She said she just told Matthew to put his head down and go. She said you just do it. Howard said he has to talk to her. He said she's a wealthy woman and he imagines the joy would be to get driven around. Howard said he had to take the subway when he worked at WNBC. He said he had to take the subway but then he finally got a limo or a Town Car. Sarah said she would love a Town Car. Sarah said she loves walking because she can listen to podcasts and she can read a book on the subway. She said she's listening to The Set podcast. She said it's really interesting. She said she listens to them all day long.
Howard asked if she's listening for work or is it something she enjoys. Sarah said she listens for curiosity. She said she'll search for things out of different countries. She said she likes to hear things from around the world.
Howard asked Sarah about getting Sex and the City for the first time and if she had to audition for it. Sarah said she got a script from her agent and Darren Star was thinking about her. She said she met with him and said she was very interested but not in doing nudity. She said that he agreed that they wouldn't do it. Howard asked if the nudity was because of body image or was it something else. Sarah said she was just shy. She said she never felt comfortable exposing herself that way. She said it wasn't a morality thing. She said she never felt comfortable being nude. She said that she never thought it would affect her if she did it.
Howard said her two co-stars are topless in the first episode of the new season of ''And Just Like That.'' He asked if she wishes she could be that free. Sarah said yeah. She said that she sort of thinks that. She said it's too late now. She said no one wants to see her now. Howard said he would. He said he thinks she has a killer body and he'd like to see it.
Howard said speaking of that Sarah put her foot down with Darren Star that she didn't want to say fuck or bitch and not cunt. He said she was against all of that. Howard asked why. Sarah coughed and Howard asked if she has gotten COVID. Sarah said she's had it twice already. She said it wasn't that bad. She said Matthew had it twice as well. She said he was bad the first day. She said that they were able to take Paxlovid so that helped. She said that was the first time they got it. She said that it was fine.
Howard said he was asking about the language thing. Sarah said she knew they could say whatever they wanted on HBO. She said she felt like they shouldn't just use it for no good reason. She said if they want to use language they should think about when she uses it. She said it has no impact if you use it all the time. She said she wanted to be smart about it.
Howard said if he casts her in a movie about a foul mouthed drunk she'd be fine with it. Sarah said absolutely. She said that she knew that other people were going to use that language in the show so they were going to make it clear who everyone was.
Howard asked if she took inspiration from Mary Tyler Moore. He said it was almost like an extension of the show. Howard said he loves her show so much because it was like that show and it took it 50,000 light years ahead. He said it was a brilliant show. Sarah said that Mary was a big inspiration. She said that she doesn't think she has met her. She said she has been in a room with her but hasn't spoken to her.
Howard said when Matthew read the script he told her if she did it then she'd become too famous. Sarah said that they both told her she had to do it. She said that Matthew may have said it would make her too famous later on. She said that he knew it may impact their lives. She said he was pushing for her to do it early on.
Howard said it's a big deal to go to HBO after being in movies. Sarah said it was. She said she felt she might miss out on doing a play or a movie. She said she liked being a Journeyman in a way. She said that her fear was that with TV you have to sign a 7 year contact and you show up to work every day and it was scary.
Howard said she's made two films about the show and also this new series. He said that he gets that she wants to do other things. Sarah said she shared these concerns with HBO. She said it was a very small network at the time. She said that she was told they can stop doing it after a year if she didn't like doing it. She said that she went in and did it and fell in love with it. She said they did six years of the show and two movies. Howard said they did like half a billion with the movies. Sarah said that blows her mind. She said it may be even more than that. Howard said that it was even more. Sarah said it was like 400 million with the first one and then another 300 with the second.
Howard asked if the kids are going to be actors. Sarah said she's not sure. She said they're only 14 so who knows.
Howard said Sarah is a good singer. She said she didn't take care of her instrument so she's no sure how good she'd be now. She said she sings occasionally but it's not enough to keep it in shape.
Howard asked if she gets nervous acting. Sarah said all the time. She said she's not even sure why. She said she keeps telling herself that she doesn't need to be nervous. She said she's not sure why she cares still. Howard said that he's completely obsessed about his radio show and he gets that charge out of trying to please people.
Howard said he feels like Sarah is doing things on the new show that she does when she's relaxed. Sarah said for the first 2 weeks of any job she's functioning on a baseline that nothing looks wrong. She said that she's really a wreck. She said she can't remember how to play the character. She said over time it gets better. Howard asked if she's a wreck because she feels she looks stupid. Sarah said she feels she might not get it right. She said she goes home and thinks about it and maybe one scene is good and the three others weren't. Sarah said she has to think about how she can preserve what she has left. She said people may not see it but she sees it.
Howard said he'd like to do a show with her where they watch the show and she gives him her thoughts on what she was doing. Sarah said that might send her to the hospital.
Howard asked if she thinks about getting a role of a lifetime. Sarah said she'd love to play a conductor. She said it's a crazy life and they all have their own strange thing with that baton. She said she would also like to play a teacher. She said she's not sure what it is. She said that maybe she hasn't read it yet. She said she always likes something new and terrifying. She said she likes to think that something isn't possible.
Howard said Bradley Cooper is playing Leonard Bernstein. He said he's playing a conductor. He said that's interesting.
Howard said Matthew seems to be a guy she can trust reading her scripts. He asked if she can only be in love with a guy in the business. He said she's been in love with guys who have been in the business. He said he's sorry to Matthew if he's listening today for bringing all of them up. He said what he's saying is that she's in the arts and she needs to be in love with an actor. Sarah said she never thought about it. She said being in the business that's who you spend time with. She said that she never really met anyone else. She said that it is nice to spend time with someone who understands the work they do. She said their lives are unusual. She said it's hard to explain to people what it's like if they don't work in their field. She said that they can talk about the industry but they don't spend all of their time on that.
Howard said he'd like to know when she fell in love. He said that he thinks she's very guarded. He said she's very attractive and she has a lot going on. Howard asked how she knew she was in love. Sarah said she knew pretty quickly. She said they met when she went out to a movie. She said that it was Fisher King and they went to get some pizza. She said that she was told by a director, Andy Bergman, that they should meet each other. She said that she was dating someone and he was dating someone. She said they had to break up officially before going out. Howard said it must be great when that happens. He said they have to do the break up first. He said that must have been a great conversation. Sarah said he may or may not have said she met a guy. She said that she may have broken up because of the long distance thing. She said she was really young at the time. Howard asked how old she was. Sarah said she was maybe 25 or 27.
Sarah said she knew she liked Matthew a lot. She said they went out in 1992 and they have been together ever since. Howard asked if they moved in together right away. Sarah said they have never spent a night apart unless it was for work or when Matthew took care of his mother for a while. She said that she felt like she was in love right away pretty much. She loved his work and she had seen all of his movies. She said she liked so much about him and how he did things. She said their lives were very similar growing up so that was another thing. She went on and on about the things that she liked about Matthew.
Howard said it's like Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. He said they had such a great relationship. Sarah said there are people who have it figured out. She said that some things may work for them and not for you. Howard asked if she has other couples that she tracks who have figured things out. Sarah said she doesn't go looking for it.
Howard asked who she looks up to who have been married for a long time. Sarah said Ron Rifkin and his wife are great. She said they're a great example. She said she has always looked up to them. She said they're also independent people when they come together. She said they have days that are separate.
Howard said it sounds like she has a great marriage herself. He said he knows that there are actresses who say they would never marry an actor. He said that some can't be happy for you. He said it's just too much. Sarah said that's all possible. She said that they may be jealous at times but he's the person that she can't do anything about. She said that it was him. She said she didn't have a fear of it when she got together with him.
Howard said he would not do well with a famous person. He said he's so fucked up and he has to be the most famous person. Sarah said she can't imagine that's true. Howard said trust him. He said he used to walk with Jimmy Kimmel and people would come up and talk to him and he loved it. He said that Jimmy got more famous and he wanted him out of his life. He said he really doesn't want that. Sarah was laughing so hard that Robin told Howard to stop because she's choking.
Howard said he's sure that people would be carrying on with her. Sarah said Andy Cohen gets the shout outs now. Howard said it must bother her on some level that he has that going on. Sarah said she really doesn't. She said they watched him build a career and it was something else.
Howard said they're both in Andy's book. Sarah said she didn't know that. She said she hasn't read it yet. Sarah said that Andy is a big fan of Howard's. She said that he wished her luck on the show today. She said they will text each other and then they'll call and chat from time to time. Howard said he did her the biggest favor and told Andy to leave her alone until she invites him over. He said he can see him out there all day waiting for her to come out. Sarah said they're always visiting each other. She said she can see Andy from her apartment and it'll be great. She said it's wonderful.
Howard asked what it is about her that makes her a gay icon. Sarah said she really doesn't know. She said she's very bad at pondering these things. She said she really just doesn't know. She said that community has been very hospitable to her and that's a lovely thing. She said that's very important to her every day life. She said she really doesn't know why though.
Howard said he feels like our country is getting into a very strange space with the anti-gay stuff. He said people feel very bold saying dumb stuff. He said they want to make people feel miserable. He said the gays in society had really moved forward and now everyone is vocal about gay bashing and it's crazy. Sarah said it's really distressing. She said it's upsetting and worrisome. She said it's so hard to understand why it is the way it is. She said it's not impacting their lives and it doesn't make sense. She said she's not going to try to stop them from having those thoughts because that's what's great about this country. She said we create laws and vote and it's all very simple. She said no one is trying to hurt or change anyone. She said the book bans and things like that are stunning to watch. Howard said it really is stunning. He said it seems really dark. He said he wonders what will happen. Sarah said she does too. She said that we should just let people have their opinions and let them do their own thing.
Howard said Sarah is there to promote ''And Just Like That''. Sarah said it's unusual to have time and have a conversation. She said she did a magazine profile and things like that to promote the show. She said that conversation can go on for months and months. She said that they're trying to do what they can to support the show. Howard said what a dynamic scene when Miranda is going down on her girlfriend. He said that is unbelievable. He said that was something else. He said it was pretty wild. Sarah said that Miranda has always been wild. She said that Cynthia has always been bold. Howard said he can't be the only man watching that show like that. Sarah said he's not alone. She said there are a lot. She said they will tell her that their wives and girlfriends are watching it so they watch.
Howard said in the first episode they talk about going to the Met Ball. He said she's really into that Met Ball thing. He asked what's going on there. Sarah said she goes with Andy when she goes. She said it's like an assignment. She said if you pay attention to the theme then it's a real thing that she takes dead seriously. Sarah went through the explanation about how that all works for her. She said she will research it for months and find a designer to do something with her. She said she goes and she sits and watches. She said she's very shy there. She said she likes going with Andy and not with Matthew. She said he'd like the decadence of it but Andy enjoys it so much there. She said he's perfect there. She said that he knows people there too. She said that she's too shy and awkward there. She said she appreciates the invitation though.
Howard said he has spent time with them and they're both pretty low key. He said that he'd just sit there at the table. Sarah said that she loves talking cats with his wife. Howard said Beth loved her too.
Howard said he read something about Sarah. He said that Steve Martin wrote her a note saying he thought that she could be a leading lady. Sarah said she did a screen test with Steve one time and she loved him. She said they grew up watching Steve. She said she was nervous doing that and the story came from her saying she was cast in LA Story and it was like he was saying she thought she could play theses parts. She said it was like when he cast her in that part then people were okay with her being that girl.
Howard asked if she sees herself as attractive. Sarah said she doesn't like looking at herself. She said she never has. She said she thinks she's fine. Howard asked if she thinks about doing all of this plastic surgery and Botox. Sarah said it might be too late for her to start. Howard said she sounds like his wife. He said she thinks the same way.
Howard said that he needs to do something with his face. Sarah said he looks fine. She said she has great skin. She said that he must eat right. Howard asked if Sarah meditates. She said she does not. She said that she knows Jerry (Seinfeld) does it. Howard said he has been doing it about as long as he has.
Sarah said she thinks that she missed out on doing the face lift thing. She said that you need to do that around the age of 44. She said that she understands why people make that choice. She said there is so much emphasis put on women about looks. She said people should do whatever makes them feel good walking out the door. Howard said he hears what she's saying. He said sometimes it doesn't work and these surgeons are horrible. He said men can age and no one says a thing about it.
Howard said Sarah isn't really on social media other than Instagram where she has 9 million followers. Howard said that's a business. He said that you should be able to turn that into something. Sarah said there's a lot of opportunity out here and you have to be thoughtful about things. She said she's not good at shilling for something she doesn't use or want.
Howard said her body is so great from being a ballet dancer. He said that must stay with you the rest of your life. He said she's in good shape. Sarah said she doesn't dance now. She said she walks everywhere. She said she has this thing called a TechnoGym. She said it's a beautiful machine. She said this thing was in a hotel. She said she got one for her house. She said it's beautiful and it's a great thing she'll be using this summer. She said she thinks it's called a TechnoGym. Howard said no one there is using that thing. He said everyone is on Ozempic. Howard said it pisses him off that it's that easy to lose weight.
Howard said the new show is ''And Just Like That'' and it's on Max now. He said it's no longer HBO. Sarah said they were told that it's Max and she still says HBO. Howard said there's a new episode every Thursday on Max. Sarah said it will accumulate just like scar tissue.
Howard said he's going to have Sarah meet Billy Joel soon. He asked what other music she likes because he'll set that up too. Sarah said a lot of them are dead. Howard said that she's a podcast host in the new season. He said she's kind of like him. She said she did model that after Howard. She sounded like she was joking about that.
Howard said she's having sex with her producer in the first episode. Howard asked if she's going to be doing sex scenes with John Corbett too. Sarah said they are very physical.
Howard said Kim Cattrall will be making a cameo too. He said that's good. He said Sarah is the one though. He said she's got the it factor. Robin said there's a great chemistry with the new people. She said it's so much fun.
Howard said a lot of people show up in bra and panties too. He said he likes that. Sarah said there really is a lot of that. Howard said he enjoys that. He said good for you. He said he knows she pushed for that. He said she's an Executive Producer on the show. Sarah said she has been. She said it's the kind of burden you want.
Howard said Sarah has a shoe store downtown and he's thinking about going to the store. He said she actually works there. Sarah said she won't take any pictures but you can take them while she's working. She said she won't stop working to take pictures.
Howard said what a delightful morning. He said that he's aware that she might have to pish. Sarah said she's actually okay. Howard said god bless her bladder. He said that's the most attractive thing about her. He said that she can hold it. He said she's delightful. He said what fun. He said she's also going to be doing Plaza Suite over in London with her husband. Sarah said she will be. She said she has never done anything like that with her husband. She said he's a great Neil Simon interpreter. She said they're playing three characters each and she loved working on it with him.
Howard said Sarah told Matthew not to look at her while she was working on the set of ''And Just Like That.'' Sarah said that she thought that it was going to be tough working with him on the play and she didn't want him looking at her there on the set of the show. Howard said he'd think that she'd want him to see her with her super powers. He said she's really self conscious. Sarah said she is.
Howard asked Sarah if she's done therapy. She said she has and she loves it. Howard said he does too. Sarah said she likes figuring things out in therapy. Howard said he'd love to know what she was in therapy for. Sarah said just being a parent she wants to know if what she's doing is helpful. She said it's a whole other show talking about all of that.
Howard said he went to his youngest daughter's wedding and he had to tell himself ''It's not about me'' over and over. Sarah congratulated him on that. Howard said you do it for your kids because you want to be a good parent. He said that's a whole other show.
Howard gave Sarah more plugs for ''And Just Like That'' and said they'll be coming out every Thursday on Max.
Howard said that his wife really loved Sarah. Sarah said they have adopted 3 cats and she's having an issue with one now. She said she may have to talk to Beth. Howard said please do because she can figure things out. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said she's so charming. Robin said he only broke a couple of times. Howard said it's funny with her. He said he was at a party with her years ago and he was kind of love struck. He said she's hot. He said he talked to her on the couch for a while. He said that he thought that she liked him. He said he thought she was into him too. He said he came to his senses and realized she was just being nice to him. He said she's very nice. Robin said she really is a nice person.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said Sarah is great. She said her daughter loves the show. She said she's going to the shoe store too. She said that he has to get this party together for her with Billy Joel. She said she never got to see him at Madison Square Garden and she has to get there before he ends it.
Mariann said that Geraldo is 80 now and he's quit FOX. She asked if he can believe that. Howard hung up on her. He said that's hard to believe that Geraldo is 80. He said that poor guy. Robin said he's held together in his 80 years. Howard said he's a good looking dude.
Howard took another call from Ralph who said that the show Justified is coming back this summer. Howard said thanks for the information. He said that show was great. Ralph said it's back July 18th. Howard said that was good.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Imus impression from his pool. He did his Jackie the Joke Man impression too. Sour was telling Jackie one liners. He had Howard and Robin laughing at them.
Howard asked if Gary is there. Sour went into his Gary impression and talked about the Baba Booey shout outs that have been going on. Sour went into that rambling Gary story mode. Howard let him ramble as Gary for a short time. Sour was singing and doing the Gary impression.
Howard had Sour doing his Mad Dog Russo impression. He talked to him about a few things in sports and Sour was going nuts as Mad Dog. Sour went into his Mike Francesa impression while doing the Mad Dog thing. He was flipping from one impression to another between Mad Dog, Mike and Gary.
Howard told Sour to have a wonderful summer. He said he knows he interviewed for a job and he did it from his pool so he didn't make it to the second round of interviews. He said maybe next time don't do it from the pool. Sour said he went in with a keyboard and asked if he could be the meteorologist. He said he has two irons in the fire right now. Howard wished him luck with all of that. Sour did a goodbye song for him and Howard ended up hanging up on him. He said he's hard to get off the phone with. Howard wrapped up and asked JD to give them an inspiring message for the summer. JD said have a nice time and you know, have fun. He said just do whatever you want. He said wear sunscreen because no one wants a sun burn. Howard said maybe give some advice on eating ass. JD said good luck if you want your ass eaten. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:55am.