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Howard said they asked Jenna's dad to pick her vagina out of a lineup and she was able to do it. He said he felt like such a bad father not being able to do that himself. Howard said Jenna was great in his film Private Parts. He said kids today probably can't relate to that movie now. He said radio has changed so much. He said he was on radio the first time and his hands were shaking. He said he talked to one of his daughter's friends and she said she has her own radio show. He said anyone can have a radio show now. He said that scene where his hands are shaking must throw people off today. He said these kids have had their own shows since they were 7. He said it was a big deal back in his day.
Howard said he was told he'd have a better shot of being a baseball player than a radio guy. He said Jenna played the woman who got naked on their show first in the movie. He said they auditioned so many people for that role. He said they had to find someone who was comfortable being naked and someone who could act. He said Jenna was really good. He said he was there for the auditions. He said he saw some on tape and some were terrible.
Robin said they had to ask Jenna to put clothes on. Howard said she did eat lunch naked. He said they had to ask her to put something on. He said she was so comfortable. He said she said completely liberated.
Howard said the other famous story was that Jenna wanted to get a job at a strip club but she had braces so her brother pulled them off so she could get a job. He said they lost touch with her and she married some MMA guy. He said it turns out they got divorced. Robin said she thinks they were on the show together. Howard said it's all a blur to him.
Howard said Jenna married her girlfriend. He said People magazine had the exclusive photos. He said it's weird that People is covering things like that now. He said back in the day they wouldn't have done that. Howard said he likes that Jenna married a woman. He said it sounds like fun.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Andrew Dice Clay who was talking about how happy he is for Jenna. He had some lesbian jokes for Howard. Howard said Dice has jokes for everything. Howard let Dice go and said that's funny. He had some jokes he thought were funny.
Howard said this is the day that slavery was abolished in 1865. He said that they had the emancipation proclamation. Robin said some slave owners didn't tell their slaves the news.
Howard said it is a federal holiday now. He said Biden signed that into law in 2021. Howard said June-Teeth is when they celebrate when teeth became a big part of the show.
Howard said there was a news guy who didn't know what Juneteenth day was. He said he thought it was Amazon Prime day. He played a clip of the guy getting that wrong.
Howard said Sal went out and asked people on the streets what Juneteenth was. He played a clip of people not having a clue what it's about.
Howard said they did pick a horrible name for the day. He said you don't know what it means. He said they should change the name to Undoing Slavery Day or End of Slavery Day. He said don't call it Juneteenth. He said he had to explain it to his father in law when he called him over the weekend.
Howard said his kids are all over the country. He said he got some nice cards. He said he slept a lot on Father's day. He said it's not a bad way to spend the day. He said he got texts from people saying they were sorry that his father is gone and this is his first father's day without him. He said he never really talked to him that much so he's not missing him.
Howard said he was upset that his father wasn't there to celebrate. He said he did love being alive. He said that people don't think things through. He said for eternity you end up burning in hell after just being here for maybe 70-90 years if you're lucky. He said the eternity thing is a bummer. He said there's a lot of work there for the devil if you go to hell.
Howard said he's kind of freaking out about where he's going when he dies. He said he's getting closer. He said he's on the back 9. He said he really wants to know where you go. He said he'd like to know how reincarnation works. He said the idea is that you can come back as 400 different things. He said to come back as a human being is the highest thing. He said you have to do good things to come back as a human being. He said you have to do a lot of things to get there. Robin said it all ends though. She said you could come back as an ant. Howard said you learn something as an ant and then come back as a beaver or something. Robin said this is all stuff man made up. She said that's why it makes no sense.
Howard said he was thinking about his dad. He said he wants to do a tribute to his dad. He said his dad will live on through the show. He said he inspired a lot of phony phone calls. He said they have one they did where they called a guy named Howard in Alabama and drove him insane saying his name over and over again. He played the call the guys made using those clips. They made the guy nuts with the clips.
Howard said he got used to his dad calling him a moron. He said he has a call where they called a political radio show and had Ben arguing politics. Howard played that prank call where they had Ben asking the questions he asked Howard as a kid. They had him calling the host a moron and the guy got upset about that.
Howard said there are a lot of kids who have photos of their parents and he has these tapes in his archive. He said his dad is scary and harsh. Robin said oh yeah.
Howard said they made a lot of calls using his impressions of his dad. He said this is one where they called a diner trying to order food. He played that call where they upset the guy taking the order.
Howard said ordering food was a big thing with his dad. Robin said he was the perfect orderer. Howard said every Friday night they went out. He said it was dinner and dancing on Friday nights. Howard did his impression of his dad placing an order.
Howard said his dad liked to dance and that was odd. He said it showed some sort of humanity or something. He said they'd go out to eat and they'd get up and dance. He said it was kind of sweet that they did that. He said ordering food too slow or out of order would make his dad go berserk. He said then they'd get up and dance. He said it was very strange.
Howard said his dad wanted them to know what they wanted to order before they got to the restaurant. He said he didn't want them to even get menus. He said it drove him nuts. He said he thought that they were going to crash the car. He said his dad knew the menu and his mom would get her order wrong. He said his dad would turn beet red. He said his mom would change her order and it would make his dad nuts.
Howard said he's not sure what was going on in his dad's mind. He said it was insanity. He said it was too much. He said his dad had never been to a restaurant before meeting his mother. He said he was ignorant of everything. He did more of his impression of his dad talking about that.
Howard said it's crazy. He said his dad dug the army. He said he liked the food there. He said when his mom would order out of order his dad would go crazy.
Howard said after all of that his father would get up and dance with his mom. He said she didn't learn the steps as quick as him and that made him crazy. He said they'd wear outfits when they did square dancing. He said it was the most bizarre thing. Robin asked if he ever took pictures. Howard said he never did. He said his father never carried a picture of his own kids in his wallet. He said it was a disaster. He said it really was. He said the whole thing.
Howard said he never had a picture of them in their outfits. He said he got into photography for a while and he had his parents over. He said he was into posing couples and he set up lights to take pictures. He said he asked his parents to just hold each other and kiss and his father sat there stone faced. He said he was miserable. He said he would never smile. He said he has the picture hanging up on a wall. He said he's looking straight ahead and his mother is kissing his cheek.
Howard said he talked about the show ''I Am Jazz'' and talked about how his father might react. He said they used the audio from that to call a radio show. They had clips of Howard as his dad talking about Howard coming out as transgender.
Howard said there's a lot of talk about the weight loss drug Ozempic. He said he thinks it's not fair to use it. He said his father would have hated it. He said they made a call to the Live with Cathi show with clips of him as his dad helping out High Pitch Erik who was playing a woman. They had Howard playing the father and giving bad advice for Erika to lose weight.
Howard said he's sure his dad is smiling down on him now. He said he doesn't smile but if he did he'd be smiling.
Howard said he hates that Ozempic. He said he was able to keep a thing physique but now anyone can do it.
Howard said he once did an impression of his mother and father practicing incest. He said they were discussing step daughter porn and he did his impression of his parents talking about that. He said they cut that up and made a phony phone call. He played the audio of that call.
Howard said that's the father's day tribute to his dad. He said they're coming up on a year ago that he died. He said they were supposed to get him a headstone. Robin said they're supposed to do that on the year anniversary. Howard said he doesn't care. He said he doesn't need that. He said he'll wait a while. He said no one is visiting him. He said he spent a lot of money on his dad when he was alive. He said he needs to recover.
Howard said he will do something eventually. He said people will think he's a piece of shit of he doesn't. He said he has to get some rocks or something. He said they have to get that together. Howard said we'll see.
Howard said they didn't have a big budget but they spent a lot of it on film to do multiple takes. He said they had to do a bunch of takes. He said there's a lot of things they have to do like taking different angles and stuff. He said there's a lot to do there.
Robin said they didn't get permits to do the filming on the streets. She said they had to hurry up and do them before the cops showed up. Howard said that's some production there.
The caller asked if Ben and Ray had a cameo in the movie. Howard said no. He said of course not. He said the guy who played his father was terrific. He said he wanted to meet with his father and his father was really excited about that. He said that he was looking forward to talking to the guy.
Howard thanked the caller for the call. He said he wrote 17 topless scenes for Robin but she rejected them all. He said there was one scene where she was dressing for work and she was topless. He said she felt it was excessive. Robin said it was gratuitous. Howard said she was very difficult on set.
Howard said this song was a love song to his dad but it turns out if you listen to the lyrics his father was a monster. He went through the song and the lyrics. He said it takes a turn in the song. He went through it line by line and pointed out how it takes a turn for the worse. He was drinking and gambling his money away. He said it gets worse from there. He said he sings about how papa digs a chick and he's hitting on her. He said even when papa beat the kids he was still singing his praise.
Howard said after all of that his father is alright. He said he always thought that his papa was a bit of an asshole. Robin said she never thought about those lyrics. She said it's a tribute to his dad. Howard said he has a heart full of gold. Howard said he wishes James was still around to talk about that. He said they'd have a good time talking to him about that.
Howard said Trump is in the news constantly these days. He said he saw a report on the boxes that Trump had and they say he loved the boxes. He said that the staff called them the ''beautiful mind'' boxes. He said they were comparing him to that movie and how he was nuts doing that. Howard said he would take those boxes all over the place. He said he was apparently obsessed with the boxes. He said he had newspaper clippings and classified documents among other things.
Howard said he was thinking about this and he read a book called A Walker In the City and it was about this guy who walked through the streets of New York city and he fell in love with it in a way that was really sad. He said that he didn't have a relationship with the city and that reminds him of this book. He said that Trump had a lot of trauma growing up and he has this relationship with these boxes. He said now he's in a legal mess over them. He said even his lawyers weren't able to look at the boxes. He said that he was holding on to them like he was in love with them. He said it's the craziest crime.
Howard said they's saying this crime could carry years in prison. He said this guy had a great life. He said he had all of this stuff like a private plane and Mar-A-Lago. He said that's a wonderful place. He said he's in his 70s and imagine he spends his last years in prison because of some boxes. Robin said now he has to run for President because if the cases find him guilty he has to be able to pardon himself and other people. She said this is what he needs to do now. Howard said his defense is to become President again.
Howard said Trump is 77 and it's feasible that he could spend the rest of his life in prison over some boxes.
Robin said they delivered one show to Spotify and they asked ''This is it?'' Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Prince Harry audio book who was going off on him about still talking about him. That didn't last long.
Howard said he was thinking about Pat Sajak retiring. He said it's just so amazing that you have a gig like that and you walk away. He said those jobs are so vanilla. He said he thinks that Pat thinks that if he can walk away from the show people are going to want to hear his words. He said that he did something stupid a couple of years ago. He said he tweeted about global warming and he said that people who believe in it are out of their minds. He said Pat is one of those kooks. He said he tweeted out a really nutty thing. He said they must have sat him down over there and told him to stop it. He said Pat apologized for the tweet. He read through the apology. He said he claimed he was parodying the skeptics. He said that makes no sense.
Howard said Chuck Wollery did something similar. He said for some reason these game show hosts have this bottled up stuff in them. He said he thinks Pat is going to show his real self after retiring. He said no one is looking for that. He said just turn the fucking letter with Vanna and shut the hell up.
Howard said he thinks they're going to see Pat unleashed. He said that's what we're getting primed for. He said he thinks that people are interested in him in that way. Howard said everyone loves Pat because he's an empty vessel. He said you don't know what he's doing at home. He said he has two twitter accounts and one is personal and one is for Wheel of Fortune posts. He said we have a year before this all breaks.
Howard said he's not sure what Pat's thoughts are but we're about to hear them all. He said he can imagine that his Twitter will be filled with LGBTQ posts or something. He said he thinks Pat is a bottled up angry guy. He said that account is going to go nuts. He said he doesn't know. He said he thinks they're going to have a lot of fun reading those tweets. He said that's going to be fun. He said he has no idea what it'll be but he has a feeling he's bottled up. He said it should be good. He said he could be wrong.
Howard said notice that no one is saying that Sandy Hook was CGI anymore. He said that nutty thing is finally over.
Howard said imagine Wink Martindale started tweeting about that crazy stuff. He said just don't open your mouth. He said just keep your mouth shut and be an empty vessel.
Jon Hein hopped in and said he was reading about the Pat Sajak tweets and he apparently posts humorous things to make a point. He read some stuff that he's posted in the past. Howard said he's trying to get a point across without getting fired. Howard said he tells you this. He said no one would walk away for Wheel of Fortune unless they're sick or want to be unleashed. He said he knows that Chuck Wollery was posting a lot about President Obama. He said just be sensible. He said you've got this big dumb voice and non offensive looks so just shut the fuck up.
Howard said it's lie Prince Harry. He said he can go off and do great things but he's got to be out there in the public eye. He said just give him that life.
Jon Hein said that Chuck Wollery wanted his salary doubled when he was going to leave Wheel of Fortune. He said that Merv Griffin didn't give him the money and he replaced Chuck with Pat Sajak. He said he blew that job too. Howard said he thinks Pat got shook up when they gave him a late night show and it bombed. Jon said it was just on for 15 weeks. Howard said he thinks he got a reality check. Robin said it didn't last and now he has to speak and tell people what's on his mind.
Howard said Bob Barker had that message of spay and neuter your pets. He said that's all he had. He said that's what you have to find. He said you need a cause.
Howard said don't start tweeting your personal thoughts. He said he thinks Pat thinks he has a personality that people will be blown away with. He said we don't know what Alex Trebek was thinking. He said he knew to keep his mouth shut. Howard asked if we know who Vanna White voted for in the last election. He said no because she knows she stepped in gold. He said he'd love to know what she's getting paid to do that job. He said you should never know who they're voting for. He said just go out on top.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Pat did some interviews on a sports show and he was kind of racy. Howard said he wants him to retire and he wants to follow that twitter account. He said we haven't seen the real Pat Sajak. He said he knows nothing about the guy but he did run off when he was on Wheel. He said Vanna was cool with him but Pat ran off. He said we'll see what happens.
Howard said he's sure Pat was bothered by him about having strippers on or something. He said he doesn't know. He said Pat has such a great gig. He said when he put out that tweet he issued an apology in minutes.
Howard answered another knock at the door from fake Dice. Dice went off on Pat for a minute. He was saying he just wants to see Vanna's big, fat tits.
Howard said that's a lot of talent right there. He said what a dynamo he is. Robin said she does wonder how long he can keep that up.
Howard said he spent a lot of time thinking about Pat and Wheel of Fortune. He said this is some tape from 1990 when Pat had his talk show. He said he had some Oscar jokes. Howard played the clip and Pat told some lame jokes about the Oscars.
Howard said he's just saying that job is the gig of the century. He said he shouldn't give it up. He said just keep your mouth shut and do the job. He said that's the way to do it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he learned growing up in Brooklyn that the art of shutting up is the way to go. He said just mind your business and you'll live and work a long time. He said people don't learn. Howard said people don't learn. He said he sees people with bumper stickers on their cars. He said people have road rage. He said he never put a bumper sticker on his car. He said he worked at a radio station and never put anything on his car. He said you never know what people are thinking. He said buy a billboard if you want to advertise.
Howard said if he gave this caller $15 million a year he'd know to just shut up. The caller said he would. Howard let him go after that.
Howard asked if a bumper sticker ever changed someone's mind. Robin said it can only infuriate someone. Howard said it's only going to enrage people who think the opposite of you. He said that you don't know why people are honking and following you home. He said people are nuts with their views.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Pat Sajak is the board of directors for a ultra conservative Christian college. She said look it up. Howard said we're really going to get to know the guy when he retires. He said it's going to be wild. He said he wants to take Robin into the brain of Pat Sajak. He put echo on his voice and went inside Pat's head to hear what his thoughts were. He was thinking about finishing that job and getting his tweets out there when he's done. Howard had Pat talking about the things he will be able to talk about when he's free from Wheel of Fortune.
Howard said he's not sure he has any of those thoughts but that's what he's hoping for. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said that's a good riff. He talked up the song and said it's a good morning on Juneteenth. He asked how he memorizes those lyrics. He wondered if he's out there touring. Robin said she's not sure but she knows he does guest spots and stuff like that. She said he may not be touring. Howard said he feels like he's reclusive. Howard read some details about the song. Howard said these riffs are good too.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he can't believe that he doesn't miss his father. He said he cries over his father all the time. Howard said he does miss his father but he didn't have a tough father's day. Howard said who cares. He said he sends him down roads he doesn't give a fuck about. He said he's glad he misses his father.
King said he doesn't like Juneteenth. He said he's sick of these black holidays. He said he doesn't want to hear stories about how they were downtrodden. He said that's all he heard in school. He said he doesn't want to hear it when he comes home. He said it's a waste of time. King asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said people remember the world they want to. She said if you want to celebrate it then do it. She said you don't have to be opposed to everything.
Howard said what the holiday is for is for white people to recognize the impact of what slavery did. He said that's what it's for. King said he understands that but white people don't care. Howard said he will mention that King is on Ozempic and has lost 72 pounds. King said it's 74 as of yesterday. Howard asked if he doesn't want to eat or what. King said what it does is make you not want to eat as much. He said he doesn't want to drink anymore either.
Howard asked if he was taking it for diabetes or weight loss. King said it was for diabetes. He said he got cancer and things were out of whack. He said he had some high numbers and he had to take something for it.
Howard said he had crazy numbers. King said he was getting dizzy and his numbers were at like an 11 or something. He said he had to take Ozempic and his numbers went back to normal. He said his weight started dropping after that. He said that it was like being on Chemo. Howard asked if he looks good. King said he odes. He said that he has some loose skin though. He said they call it crepe skin or something.
Howard said some guys get flapjack titties when they lose a lot of weight. King said Ozempic is on backorder because people are taking it for weight loss. He said women are taking it for weight loss and paying $2000 for it. He said there were times he had trouble getting it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that King is pushing all of her buttons. She said that she knows he doesn't want to be black but if you don't remember history it's going to repeat itself. King said he's tired of hearing about broke blacks. He said he had a maid upstairs and one downstairs. He said if he talks about it people frown on him. He asked why he can't talk about that. The caller said he's ridiculous. She said that he's setting them back to 1865. Howard said this is why he can't have his own game show.
Howard said this caller, Kathy, is trying to teach him something. King said she can't teach him anything. Kathy said she's been a teacher for a very long time. King said he knows that she's a teacher in public school. He said she can't get a job in a private school. King asked if she applied to any. Kathy said she's a product of public education and she's going to keep it there.
Howard said King is angry at black women and people with black pride. He said he's almost like a white racist. King said he's so in love with black people but he doesn't want the promotion of things he can't relate to. He said that's all it is.
Howard said King is very angry. He said that he has said that black women don't like to fuck. King said that the rapper Eve is married to a white man and they have kids. He said she's all in with this white guy. He said she says she has never been happier in her life. He said you know she has had black boyfriends. Howard said he has to go. He said you know she's not saying that she doesn't like black people.
Howard said King will call the cops if he sees a black person walking around his neighborhood. He said he lives in a white neighborhood. Kathy said King is just lost. She said bless his heart. King asked how he's lost. He said they say that down in the south. Kathy said you just have to pray for him.
King said black people are the most religious people on Earth. He said that she has to agree with him on that. Kathy said she can't speak for a whole group of people. King was going on one of his rants so Howard had to cut him off.
Ralph called in and asked if King is for Tim Scott because he seems to be in the same lane. King said Tim Scott is a coon. He said you could put him on a box of grits. Howard said he has no idea what he's talking about. Robin said he's just bringing up one stereotype after another.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that King is looking emaciated lately. She said he has a Lacoste shirt on too and that's so out. She said it's so old man-ish. She said he tries too hard. King said that shirt was $135. He said he has a closet full of Lacoste. He said he just got that shirt.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said King is a dumb fuck. He said Happy Juneteenth to Robin. King and Mike were talking over one another so Howard had to cut King off. Mike said the only reason King's father was able to have the wealth he had was because of this day. He said he should be celebrating this day.
King said that his father was a great man. He said he never heard no his entire life. Howard said he believes that. King said he knows what he means. Howard said he has to go. He said he has to let him out of this. King said he hasn't talked to him in a long time. Robin said she missed him but now she's full and has had enough.
King said he'd love to see Tim Scott come out with a piece of watermelon. Robin said this is what she's saying. She said there's a judgment on everything with King. Howard asked why King was saying that. King said he Tim thinks that white people love him but they don't. He said they're just propping him up. He said no one is going to vote for that guy. Howard said white people voted or Obama. King said he was liberal. He said liberal whites are in abundance.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin is the one out of touch. He said that King is spot on with his thoughts on some people who are out of it. King started to get into another rant so Howard cut him off. He said he's looking for him to comment on Ronnie. King said he can do that. He started to get into another long ramble about Ronnie but Howard cut him off and said he really has to go. He said enough of that. He said that guy is a character. Robin said you get over him fast.
Howard said they were talking about the fires in Canada and the smoke getting down there. Howard said they were talking about how most of the fires are started by people. He said people are not being caught. Robin said they don't know what they're doing when they go camping and fires get started. Howard said he has a story about a guy who was arrested on starting a forest fire. He said this guy was out in California and he was arrested on Friday for starting a fire that destroyed more than 100 homes last year. He said this guy was arrested but no charges were filed. He said he's confused by that.
Howard said they say he was suspected of starting the fire in July 2022. He said it injured 3 fire fighters and burned 19,000 acres. He said that's pretty fucking big. He said that's about 30 square miles. He said it destroyed 127 homes and a bunch of out buildings.
Howard said he was hoping they'd explain how they caught the guy. He read through more of the article and they did sort of explain how they got the guy. Howard said the guy is 71 and he did this. He said you see an old guy and people feel bad for them. He said they may let him off. He said this is fucking everything up though. He said you have to put them in jail.
Howard said he and Beth got blood tests and he was fine but Beth had an issue. He said he's going to call her. He said that he sees his son in law called him. He said he must have called for Father's day. He said it must have been late.
Howard said Beth has been requesting paintings. He said she wants a lot done. He said he's doing one of their rabbit and it's taking months. He said doing fur takes a lot of layers of water color and strokes of dry brush. He said it's very time consuming.
Howard said he can't say no to his wife if he wants to get laid. He said he was into photography for a while but he got out of that. He said he was going to throw his equipment out. He said Beth asked him to shoot her for a magazine cover. He said they had to do it this past Friday. He said it was due on Saturday. He said Beth puts on 10 outfits and gives him like 30 seconds to shoot it. He said he should be doing this with her.
Howard asked where she is. He asked Beth to come down after calling her. He said Beth has been upset with him lately. He said she thinks he's not being good to her on the air. He said she asked him not to tell anyone about her medical issue. He said he was going to tell everyone.
Howard said Beth is like a kid with her eating habits. He said she was on the phone with Dr. Agus. He said he was told to move around more. He said he's tired all the time. He doesn't want to move around. He said he's waiting for his seat replacement from Peloton. He said that fucked him up.
Howard said his blood sugar was good but Dr. Agus asked him if he gets up every hour to walk around. He said they go walking for an hour every day and that's about it. Robin said Dr. Agus told her that your body doesn't do certain things if you're not standing and moving. She said sitting is bad for you if you do it too long.
Beth came in so Howard talked to her about how she has him doing all of these tasks. Beth thought he liked doing the rabbit painting. Howard said he really doesn't. Beth said she likes his hair cut. Howard said his daughter's wedding is coming up so he's getting ready for that.
Howard said Beth has to adjust her diet because she's pre-diabetic. He said Dr. Agus suggested things for her to eat and she doesn't like anything. He said she has pancakes, pizza, pasta, tacos and all of this other stuff for diner. He said she doesn't eat any protein. He said she has to eat eggs or something. Beth won't eat the yolks. He said that Dr. Agus said Avocado is good for you but she won't eat that either. Beth said she's really low in protein and her iron is bad too. She said she got some gummy bears with iron in them.
Howard said Beth didn't like anything they were suggesting for her. He said he thoughts Dr. Agus was going to jump out a window. Howard said Beth said that it's not fair that her parents eat anything and they're not pre-diabetic. Beth said she was raised eating crap. Howard said she won't eat anything healthy. Beth said she just has pizza.
Robin said that 5.7 is normal from what she heard. Beth said that's her number. Howard said he was 5.4. Beth said she's fine then. Howard said they were on the couch last night and she was dying for some chocolate covered pretzels. He said she wanted it so badly.
Howard said Beth got asked to be on a cover of a magazines so she gave him one day to shoot the photo. He said that she gave him a minute for each outfit she tried on. He said it was a shitty day too. He said it was raining and he was screaming and yelling about the camera. He said he didn't remember how to do anything. He said he wasn't able to do anything. He said the camera was heavy and he hated it. He said he wants to retire from photography. Beth said no way. She said he has to keep them. She said he has a lot of complaints about her. Howard said he loves her. He said he's just describing his day.
Howard said he just wants to please her. Beth said it only took 2 hours. Howard said it's too much for him.
Howard said he's trying to write a speech for his daughter's wedding. He said he wants to do it right. Beth said she had to cut some stuff out of his speech. She said he has to go up and just speak from the heart. She said he was bringing up ex-boyfriends and stuff. Howard said he was trying out material.
Howard said they should talk about what happened when they were making love. He said he had sex with Beth. He said he gets very passionate. He said he wanted to give her a hickey but she put a stop to that. Beth said he bites her ear. She said she doesn't like that. Howard said she doesn't like him talking dirty either. He said she shushes him if he talks.
Howard said he ran his hand down the side of her body. Beth said he scratched her. Howard said he didn't realize he did it. He said she scratched him back. Howard said she got angry at him. He said he was doing it in the heat of passion. Beth said he got so mad at her. Howard said she did it to be mean. He said it stung when she did it back at him. Beth said an hour later he took a shower and he came down and showed her what she did. She said that he said that she hurt him. Howard said that's called domestic abuse. Beth said her scratch was in her picture. She said they had to eliminate it. Howard said he didn't fix it.
Howard read that the level of 5.7 is pre-diabetic. He said 5.7 and below is normal. Robin said she doesn't want to be a diabetic. She said that's cutting out all sugar. Howard said you can lose your feet and stuff. Robin said you can get all kinds of things from it.
Howard said he loves Beth so much. He said that he talks about how much he misses her when he's in that chair. He said please don't leave him again. He said that does irritate him. Beth said she feels light headed. Howard said sit down. Beth said she was standing too long. She said her sugar ran out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was diabetic with an A1C of 14.2. He said he was like Gary with the chocolates. He said it's called Lily's. He said he cut out all of the pizza, pasta, breads and all of that. He said he lost it all. He said he was 5'7'' and 300 pounds. He said he's down to 175 now. He said he doesn't have diabetes anymore. He said he changed it all around. Howard said thanks and hung upon the guy in the middle of that.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he feels for her because she can eat anything and look great. He said he told James to stop bringing her the sugary shit. He said he doesn't listen. He said that if she ate that shit and got fat she'd stop eating it.
Ralph also asked if he can read the speech to them if he doesn't do the ex-boyfriend thing at the wedding. He said he's really good at the off the cuff thing. He said he'll be great. Howard said that's his baby and he wants her to be happy. Howard said he's only going up for a minute or two. He said it's all for his kid. He said he knows what to do.
Howard let Ralph go and said that he was over to do the tux fitting. Robin asked how that went. Howard said he was so miserable. He said he was touching him and he gets so annoyed. He said that he was so miserable. He said he had to get a suit and a tux. Ralph said it's difficult because he's trying to go quick and it's hard because he might miss something. He said he thinks they got it all together. Howard said he's even going to have a pocket square.
Howard asked if Beth is all set with her outfits. Beth said she thinks she is. Howard asked if she's okay over there. Beth said she's fine. Howard asked if there's something going on that he doesn't know about. Beth said not at all. They asked what she had for breakfast. Beth said she had yogurt and a banana. Howard said that's all sugar. Beth said she'll get the regular yogurt after they're done with what they have. Howard said she eats like a kid.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's a sugar-holic herself. She said that she started with plant protein and she eats the powdered stuff. Howard said that's better than nothing. the caller said her skin was getting so thin that she was rubbing it off. She said that she's 60. Howard cut her off complaining that they were hearing her whole history. Howard said Beth will figure it out.
Howard said something is wrong. Robin said she must have hypoglycemia too. Howard said he feels that something is up with her. He said she looks like she's about to pass out. Beth said she's out of breath. She said she's very busy. She said she's going out with a friend. She said they're just having coffee outside. Howard said she has to eat some salad. He said he's not sure what she's doing. Beth said she's fine.
Howard said he loves Beth. He asked who loves her more. Beth said Bella does. She said that cat loves her. She said the other cats love Howard more but Bella loves her more. Howard said they all run to him when he goes in the room. He said he tells them they're all nuts. He said they're all being taken care of by Beth. Beth said she's always picking on them and cleaning out eye stuff or their bums.
Howard said he's going to do the Chris Wilding date thing and finish the show. He let Beth go after that. He said he knows when something is up with her. He said he has to keep an eye on her. He said she can't eat pizza anymore. He said they just got a pizza oven and they won't be able to use it. He said he loves pizza but he likes that cauliflower pizza too. Robin said she doesn't eat any of that stuff. Howard said he has this pasta that's really good and it's made from some other bullshit and it's really good.
Howard asked if he should give away the ending of this date. He said that this guy is gone after the JD kiss. Chris said he just gave the ending.
Howard said Ralph isn't talking to Chris. Chris said he's not even aware of why. He said he won't talk to him. He said he told him why but it makes no sense. Howard said he told him some stuff but not much. Robin said she thinks there's something underneath that he's not willing to confront. Howard asked ''You think, Robin?''
Chris said that Ralph was also upset with him for not inviting him over to watch movies with him. He said he won't go out to movies with him. He said he thinks he will complain too much. He said meanwhile Ralph is the one who complains when he goes to a movie with him.
Howard said that saga is going on. He said he thinks Ralph is pissed that he kissed JD. He said his birthday is coming up this week. He asked if he's having a party. Chris said he may go out to dinner with some people. He said he didn't invite Ralph last year but he'd love to have him out this year. He said he's not sure.
Howard said this is kind of a fun report. He said Chris was on a mad tear to get laid in Miami. He said he had this whole thing about fucking down in Miami. He said Wolfie covered this very well. He asked him to join in too.
Howard played some audio of Chris hitting on some guys on South Beach. A lot of the guys turned out to be straight. Howard said he seems to have turned south Beach straight.
Howard said things weren't going his way down there. Chris said this is a very intimate thing for him.
Howard said Chris got a date on the last night there. He said his name was Jorge. He played some audio of Chris talking to Wolfie about what he does before a date and things like that. He talked about cleaning his asshole and shaving his balls among other things.
Howard said it must be awful to completely clean your asshole and do it for no reason. Chris said shaving the balls for no reason is awful.
Howard played some audio of Wolfie talking to Jorge about his upcoming date with Chris. He found out that he wouldn't be going back to his hotel room. He said they wouldn't be having sex that night. He said he has had sex on the first date but not with Chris.
Howard said all he heard there is that he fucks everyone but Chris. He said Chris was in the restaurant freaking out while this interview was going on. He said he took it out on Wolfie. Howard played another clip of Chris wondering where Wolfie is and why he isn't coming in. He said he can only imagine the questions. He was doing an impression of Wolfie asking Jorge questions.
Howard said Chris said he was close to a full blown panic attack. Chris said the whole place knew what was going on. He said it was very high stakes for him.
Howard said Chris wasn't able to hold back his attraction to Jorge. He said it's really wild. He said he has never seen him in action like this. He played a clip of Chris talking to Jorge for the first time. He was talking about how cute and sexy he was and saying he was really nervous. Chris said he was well dressed and really good looking.
Howard said Chris and Jorge hit it off right away. He said they were feeding each other sushi. He played a clip of that moment. They were talking kind of dirty. Howard said they're really getting to know each other.
Howard said Wolfie said that Chris had hungry eyes. Wolfie said it was so weird. He said to see a friend flirt with someone is awkward. He said he wasn't able to stop laughing. He said that he was blowing kisses to him. Chris said that wasn't cool. Howard said that's the problem that Ronnie has with Wolfie. He said he tries to inject himself into things instead of being a fly on the wall. Chris said it was a weird thing. He said it was strange.
Howard said things progressed quickly. He said Jorge was giving him a massage in the restaurant. He said that got weird too. Wolfie said there were kids right here watching them doing this. He said it was a whole scene. He said Chris was excited and he had shorts on. Chris said there was a lot going on and he was overwhelmed.
Howard played another clip of Chris and Jorge when Jorge was massaging him. Chris was moaning and talking in a Latin accent with Jorge. Howard said the conversation is so strange since they don't know each other. Chris said he was so cute. He said he was adorable.
Howard said as dinner was winding down Wolfie checked in and Chris said it was time for Wolfie to go. He said he thought sex was imminent. He said Wolfie debated telling him that Jorge said there was no chance he was getting laid. He played a clip where Chris told Wolfie he may have to go. He said that he thinks it's time to call it. He said he thinks it's time for more to happen. Wolfie said that he may have to hold back his information. Chris asked what kind of information he has. He said he's fucking up his head. Chris said that Wolfie really is a cock block. Howard asked if he was drunk in that clip. Chris said he was horny and he was in the sun all day. Chris said it was very hot down there too.
Howard said Wolfie said his goodbyes. He said then the date continued. He said Chris and Jorge started kissing and Chris had trouble hiding his arousal. He said this is the audio of that. Howard played the clip and the two were talking about how sexy they were. They were kissing and Chris said something happened and they have to stop. Howard did his impression of the two talking to each other. Chris said that he was wet from pre. He said he always has pre. He said he has it right now.
Howard said this is very exclusive audio. He said this public display of affection was out of hand so they walked to the ocean and made out. He said this is audio of that. He played another clip where the two made out on the beach. Chris said he was a very aggressive kisser. He said he was like a face sucker.
Howard said Memet has advice for him. He asked if he wants to hear it. Chris said not really but go ahead. Memet got on and said never tell someone that they're hot. He said you don't have to do that. Howard said the guy was able to make out with this guy and it worked for him.
Chris said that he just let it all hang out. He said he had feelings for this guy. Howard said gay dating is really different. He said if he was gay he'd tell the guy he's hot and go suck a cock. He said he's not going to mess around.
Howard asked what happened there. Chris said that he wanted to see him again. He said he talked about getting back with him but then he and JD kissed. He said Jorge saw the clip and he sent a text to him about the kiss. He said Jorge said he lost a great person because of this kiss. He said he was very disappointed. He read through the text and said he can't get in touch with him now. He said that JD is straight and that's not his type anyway. He said he tried to explain to him that it was a bit. He said he's not sure if he knows what the hell is going on.
Howard said JD might be a little bit gay. He said he asked if he ever gets aroused watching gay porn for the show and he said ''not usually.'' He said that was weird. JD said that's just the way he talks. He said he said no. He said he has not gotten excited by gay porn. Howard said he did hear JD said he does know a good looking guy when he sees it. JD said it doesn't turn him on. He doesn't get aroused.
Howard asked if JD gets turned on by trans porn. JD said no. Howard asked JD if he was out at a bar and he sees a super hot chick and he ends up making out. He said they go back to her apartment and she still has a cock, would he let her blow him. JD said if she's super hot, sure. Howard said even with the cock. JD said he's not sure he'd want to do anything with that exactly. Chris said he's a great ally. He said he's a better one than he is. JD said thank you. Howard said he's very open minded.
Howard said he has seen a lot of trans chicks who look hot. He said he doesn't know. Chris said there are guys out there who want super femme or trans. He said there is a market out there for it.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he wants to clear some stuff up. He said he likes Chris a lot but don't do an impression of the guy as you're making out with him. He said Chris will do stuff to get on the air that he doesn't like. He said he gets upset with Robin too. He said he's been a great friend of Chris' and he gets pissed because he's not the same to him to. Chris said he has been a good friend. Howard asked if he's going to his birthday party. Ralph said no. He said that he's not going out with the sausage fest when they go out to 8 places in one night. He said you know Blitt is involved and he doesn't want to do that.
Chris said he thinks Ralph is jealous of the other relationships he has there. Ralph said he's really not. He said that he also got upset with Chris for not having him over to watch TV on this nice TV he keeps bragging about. He said things got weird. He said he thought he didn't want him over at his house. He said he and Howard would watch movies together. Howard said if Chris tells you he has a new TV then why do you right away do that. Ralph said it wasn't right away. Howard said if some dude says to you that they have a nice TV set why does he get upset if he's not invited over. Ralph said he wanted to watch something and he didn't do it right away. He said he thought it was weird when he asked to watch something.
Howard said these two should get a room. Ralph and Chris went back and forth arguing about this weird friendship they have. Ralph said that he's not coming to his birthday party. He said Chris is the one putting up notes about him trying to get on the air. Chris said that's how the show works.
Howard asked if Ralph would be opposed to a hand job from Chris. Ralph said he would because he thinks of him as a friend and he doesn't like hand jobs. He said he can do it himself. He said there's nothing he can do with him.
Howard said lets leave it at that. He said he's sorry they're having these problems with each other. Ralph said he doesn't need the aggravation. Chris said it's all coming from Ralph. He said just leave him alone. Chris said he'll leave him alone then. Ralph said stop making stuff up about him.
Ralph said he went out with Chris and Mike and Chris was talking about how he was asking to come over to watch TV. He said Howard knows how it is. He said he tapped out on him. Howard said Ralph is the worst when it comes to coming over. He said he was horrible and he had to tap out. Ralph said he was a horrible friend to him and he's sorry he did that to him. Howard said he doesn't think Ralph is capable of behaving himself around people. He said he gets nuts. He said the guy is a disaster. He said he put a cigarette out on the bar and he threw up in the washing machine. He said he loves Ralph but get the fuck out of here. He said it's a disaster. He said he had a friend who wanted to beat the shit out of Ralph. He said he had to calm the guy down. He said it was a good party until Ralph showed up. Ralph said he feels terrible about all of that.
Howard said he has a lot of problems with Ralph. He said he's a lot. Ralph said everything with Howard is an order too so it goes both ways. Howard said if he ever entertained anyone he'd be so annoyed. He said someone has to make a lunch time and prepare food. He said it's work. He said Ralph pretends like it's a hotel. Ralph said he doesn't do that intentionally.
Howard asked if Ralph has ever grabbed his cock. Chris said he did out in L.A. He said it was public so everyone knew. Ralph said he feels bad. He said he likes Chris a lot. Howard said just calm down. He said Ralph is being cunty. He said they should make up now. Chris said he has no issue with Ralph.
Howard asked if Ralph grabbed Blitt's cock. Ralph said maybe he did but he doesn't remember it. Howard asked Blitt if he had a gay thing with Ralph. Blitt said yeah.
Howard asked Blitt what happened. Jon said they were out and Ralph grabbed his balls twice. He said it was an assault. He said his cock kind of turtled in. Ralph said he's suspect too. He said he's a drunk as well. Howard said he's had enough. He said this was about Chris' date. Ralph said he fucked it up. Chris said he didn't fuck it up.
Howard said that's enough of this. He said you have to love Ralph. Chris said he does. Howard said he loves Ralph too. He said he's his bro.
Howard answered another knock at the fake door from fake Dice. Dice asked why no one is grabbing his cock. Howard spent another minute with that bit. Howard let him go and wrapped up the show. They were done around 10:40am.
Robin said she used to try to whistle with the Andy Griffith show and she was awful at it. Howard said when he was whistling Robin was looking at him with love in her eyes. Fred played the Andy Griffith theme and Howard tried whistling with it but the audio delay was so far off it wasn't even close to matching. Howard kept going with the whistling. He gave up and said he can only do that for so long.
Howard took a call from Ass Napkin Ed who said that he has a cure for Beth's pre-diabetes. Howard said he can skip that. He said everyone is writing him about that. He said he'll read that with the fan feedback. He said everyone writes in when you talk about medical issues. He said Robin is still with us after her cancer thing and she listened to the doctor.
Howard said he talked to Beth about her pre-diabetes and he called it ''diabetus'' to make it more funny. He said he appreciates the concern but they'll be fine.
Howard asked Ed what else he has. Ed asked if he would consider a brain transplant into a younger body. Howard said yes he would. Ed asked if he would want a male or female body. Howard said he'll take male. He said he could become a lesbian if he had no choice and had to go into a female body.
Howard said he was watching the Arnold documentary and he did this rap where he was talking about fighting to hold on to his body. He said he always enjoys Arnold. He said Arnold was considered the most muscular body on the planet and won the Mr. Universe for 11 years. Howard played a clip from the show where he was talking about trying to hold on to that body. He said he's never had to deal with that.
Howard said he hung up on Ass Napkin Ed by accident. He said he can call back later. He said he was watching this documentary last night and there was a moment when he talked about winning the race for Governor of California. He said he forgot about some of the films he had made. He said he was making so much money in films. He said he had done everything and he ran for Governor. He said he realized he had no fucking clue what he was doing when he won. He said he didn't know what to do. He played another clip where Arnold talked about that.
Howard said it's a great moment. He said that he ran for Governor of New York himself and he was kind of like that. Howard said Gary Coleman was running too. He said it was great that they ran because they made Arnold look more serious.
Howard said he has to fix his zipper. He said it's all messed up. He said the thing about Arnold is that he was really honest. He said he ran for Governor and he felt like he could win but he would have had no idea what to do. He said he knew how Arnold felt. Robin said he didn't know what was actually needed.
Howard said there's a bunch of good things about his life in that documentary. Robin said he talks about everything too. Howard said he talked about dating Maria Shriver and all of that. He played another clip where Arnold talked about that stuff.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Arnold. He was there to talk about the documentary. Howard said he's excited about this documentary. Arnold spent a little time talking about his muscles and how the documentary captures all of that.
Howard asked fake Arnold about his Nazi father and what a hard ass he was. Arnold said it made them stronger. He said all the cool kids were Nazis. He said it was just a phase they went through.
Howard said Arnold was also playing tricks on people in the documentary. Arnold talked about the things they did in that documentary. He told Howard about some of the tricks he played.
Howard asked Arnold about how he met Maria Shriver in the documentary. They spent a little time going over that.
Howard kept going with this fake interview like it was a regular interview. It went on and on with fake Arnold answering questions in a goofy way.
Howard answered another knock at the door and it was fake Trump who said he has hated Arnold since he took The Apprentice from him. He said his dad was a Nazi. He said they love him more than they love Arnold now. He said he's so nasty. That led to fake Arnold and fake Trump arguing with each other for a few minutes.
Howard said that politics ruined their relationship. He said that they go at each other a lot now. He said you can see why people are so divided now. Howard said Arnold was a republican but he became a democrat when Trump became president. That led to the two arguing and insulting each other.
Howard wrapped up with the guys and asked them to say something nice to Robin. Trump said he'll be back unlike Arnold. Arnold said a few words too before. Howard wrapped up with them.
Howard said Robin brings people together. He said he has always admired her beauty. He said god bless her. The fakes said a few more words about Robin before Howard let them go.
Howard said what two great guys they are. He said they should go on the road together. He said he's not kidding. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and sang along with the J. Geils band a little bit. Howard asked what happened to those guys. Howard said he met Peter Wolf at a party one time. He said he was excited to meet him too. He said he started out as a DJ. He said he was up in Boston. He said he was in a band and he would DJ for them. He said the band has been nominated for the rock and roll hall of fame 5 times and haven't gotten in. Howard said that's a shame. He said Peter died in 2017 without ever making it into the hall of fame. He said he's had it with them unless they put him in.
Howard read some trivia about some of the bands that opened for the J. Geils Band. Robin said she thinks all of those bands are in the hall of fame.
Howard said he used to go see the J. Geils Band in concert when he was in Boston. He said they had some really cool opening acts. He said these days you don't get that. He said now they just have the band that's on tour.
Howard said he went to see Blood Sweat and Tears and the Allman Brothers opened for them and got booed off stage. He said that was a shock. He said those people must be kicking themselves now.
Howard said the J. Geils band had some great songs. He was trying to come up with the names. He said they had cool catch phrases. He said he never really had one. He said he has Hey Now but that's not really his.
Howard said Peter would have been 77 years old. He said he's getting up there in his years too. He said he has to retire before he drops dead. He said he should have a couple of years without working. Robin said she understands his dilemma. Howard said Robin has to be there as long as he is. Robin said that's what she meant.
Howard said he had a girlfriend in Princeton and he had to travel from Boston to get there. He said it was a long trip. He said he'd have sex with her 5 times a day when he got there. He said he never jerked off in college. He said it's really weird. He said he never even had to do that. He said when he got a woman he did it a lot.
The caller said he's been doing this for 8 years. He said they lived together for a little while. He said that's the way it is now.
Howard said this guy Jason sounds like he has to hold on to this one. Jason said she has two kids and they treat him like he's their dad. Howard said if he was better with women he would have moved on to other women closer by. Jason said he works graveyard shift and he gained some weight because of that. Howard said he knew DJs who did that and gained weight. He said he knows what he means.
Howard asked what kind of work he does. Jason said he works at a company that sells pistons all over the world.
Howard said he read about how 20 percent of the cars on the roads are on their way to get pussy or on their way back from getting it. Jason said her name is on the car too. He said he's kind of stuck. Howard said he's in the game so it's better to have her and travel. He said he has Sirius in the car and he can catch up on the show. He wished him luck with that.
Howard said he knows what it's like for Jason to get to this woman. He said he went through that.
Howard took a call from fake Jason's girlfriend who was a dude. Howard didn't last long with that bit.
Howard answered a knock at the door and Fake Dice went off on the guy asking Howard to get him back. He said he wants to know if she's giving him sex. Howard said he doesn't know anything about the guy. He let fake Dice go after that.
Howard said now Mark the Bagger has written a memoir. He said he would imagine that he wrote about jerking off and things like that. He said that must be the whole book.
Howard said Sal made a phone call and talked to Mark about the book. He played a clip of Sal talking to Mark and Mark said he has a book called Mark the Bagger or ''The Bagger''. He wasn't sure. He said he hasn't seen the book yet. He didn't do any of the writing in the book. He said he told some stories to his handler Anthony. Sal asked who is writing the foreword. Mark said Anthony did that. He said he spent maybe 2-3 hours of his own time on the book.
Howard said this guy Anthony has been Mark's friend for over 20 years. He said he takes care of Mark and helps him with his bookings and things. He said he tries to guide him. He said Anthony sat him down and wrote the book about his life.
Howard said Sal asked Mark about what they learn about him in the book. He played a clip and Mark said that's a good question. He said not too many people know that he took driver's Ed in college and ran over a mailbox and into someone's yard. Robin laughed. She asked how he got into college.
Howard said he there are some people who know what they're doing when they bag groceries.
Howard played another clip of Mark talking about what's in his book. He said he jerked off on Anthony's walls and carpet. He said that's in the book. He said Anthony was on tour one night and he came on his walls and carpet. He said he came home and saw it. He said he didn't know what to say to him. He said he was caught off guard.
Howard said Anthony put him in his apartment and then he jerks off on his walls. Howard took a call from Mark but he wasn't there when he picked up. He said he was going to ask him about that wall thing.
Howard had High Pitch Erik on the phone and Erik said he's going to write a book too. He said it's going to be the High Pitch Sex Chronicles. He said it's about his sex life. Howard said he does have the story about Debbie the Cum Lady blowing him for days. He said that he could write about his many scams and things like that.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Mark the Bagger. Fake Mark said he'll be signing his books with his cum. Howard asked if there's an extra charge for that. Mark said no. He said he can sign Robin's book now. He whispered about Nikki Glaser and came on the book for Robin. Fake Mark had some pregnant porn to watch to get him hard again. He did that and jerked off some more. He had Howard cracking up.
Howard said congratulations on the book. He answered another knock at the door and it was fake Morgan Freeman who said he's narrating Mark's audio book. He read some of that to Howard. It was a very short chapter. Morgan read another chapter that was about a sentence long about Nikki Glaser.
Howard said it must cost a fortune to get Morgan Freeman to do an audio book. Morgan said the book is good so he was happy to do it.
Howard asked Morgan to read another chapter. It was another couple of sentences about jerking off.
Howard said thanks to the guys and let fake Morgan go. He said he's a big fan. Morgan read another chapter before leaving. Mark jerked off again. Howard had the real Mark on the phone so he put him on with fake Mark. Howard asked which one is the real one. Mark said he's the real Mark. Howard asked who this guy is. Fake Mark asked who Mark is.
Howard asked real Mark the Bagger about going to Anthony's house and jerking off on his walls. Anthony was on the phone with Mark so Howard asked him some questions about the book. Anthony said that he has to give some background on him. He said it's been 20 years of shenanigans with Mark so he had a lot for the book. Howard asked if he gets paid. Anthony said no but then he brought him up to the show and Howard fell in love with the guy. He said he's been glued to him since then. He said he took all of the stories and put them into a book. He said that there's a lot of serious stuff out there too.
Howard asked if it's true that Mark put in a whole 2 hours on the book. Anthony said he'd be lucky if it was even 2 hours. He said the book is a little over 50 pages.
Howard asked what some of the things are in the book. He asked what kind of serious stuff is in there. Mark said how he comes on the carpet and how he bagged groceries and how he went on Howard's show and things with Bam Margera.
Howard said he'll probably end up buying the book. Robin asked what the name of it is. Anthony said it's a pretty good name. He said that Mark is on the spectrum and he has some things going on. Howard asked what spectrum he's on. He said he can't imagine that. Anthony said the name of the book is ''Mark the Bagger: My Homey with an extra Chromy.''
Howard asked if Mark has an extra chromosome. Anthony said he may have more than that. Howard said that sounds like fun. He let Anthony and Mark go after that.
Howard played a bit the guys put together with Oprah audio book clops and Mark the Bagger clips.
Howard said that's exciting stuff. He said that he had to hang up on Erik too. He said he's working on his book. He said they have the Bigfoot book too.
Howard said he hopes Bigfoot knocks on the door too. He knocked a second later. Fake Bigfoot talked about what he has in his book. It was a lot about jerking off. He said he's working on his second book. That's going to be 2 and a half pages.
Howard read about a 76 year old woman in Ecuador who was in her coffin and woke up and had to knock on it to get out. Howard said they say this only happens a couple of times a year. He said that's enough for him. He said that this is from today. Robin said it's from Ecuador.
Howard read some other stories about things like this happening. He played a news report about the Ecuador thing too. He said this really freaks him out.
Robin said this isn't going to happen to him so this is all a waste of money. Howard said how do you know?
Howard played some audio of Whoopi talking about wanting that job. Howard said get in line. He said Stephen A. Smith threw his name in there too.
Howard said Mike Trainor wants the job too. He asked Mike to do his audition for them. Mike did his ''I'm sorry but there are no L's.'' He didn't really put any effort into it. Howard had to ask him to do it like an announcer. Mike said he thought he'd just throw his name out there. Howard said he's the guy. He said he's backing Mike.
Howard said the NY Post says that Ryan Seacrest is one of the top contenders. He said Ryan should have every job in radio and TV. He said that Whoopi is also up there. He said they say that Stephen A. Smith, Maggie Sajak and Vanna White are in the running too. Howard said JD should be in there too. JD did his impression of what Pat does on the show and said Mike did it wrong. Mike said he'd do it his own way. Howard said no one is looking for that.
Howard said what he'll do it play Wheel and they'll see how JD can do as a host. JD said he has a word. Howard said they have to prepare for this. JD said he can do it. He said he had a ''Places'' phrase. They went through the game and Howard spun a fake wheel and all of that. Howard asked for an R. JD said no, no Rs. Robin spun and asked for an R as well. Robin said that's what they do. Howard said she just fucked up.
Howard spun again and asked for an R again. He asked for a B. Howard guessed Bermuda even though there was no B. Then he guessed it was New York even though JD said it's six letters.
Robin spun again and asked for a S. JD said there are no S's. Howard spun and asked for a M. JD said no. Howard said he hates this. He said he doesn't want to play. JD said the answer was London.
Howard said JD is pretty good at it. Mike said it's still an open field. Howard said JD was good at that. JD said he has seen the show but he's not sure how he'd do if he really had to speak to contestants. Howard had him interview him as the host. JD asked him about his painting. He asked Robin about watching tennis.
Howard said Blitt said that JD was out shopping for art again. JD said Blitt took him out shopping. He said that they went to this place and they had a big piece behind the counter and it was so big it won't fit in his apartment. They showed a still of it and it was pretty big the way they were describing it. JD said that Blitt wanted him to talk to the artist about why he wasn't going to buy it. Blitt said they're going to meet with the artist and he's going to commission a piece. JD said he's not doing that.
Howard said JD said he wanted to get into the art world. He said Blitt is trying to help him out here. Howard asked about this meeting they're going to have. Jon said he sent another photo to JD. He said he thinks he was intrigued by that one. JD said he doesn't remember. Howard said this is amazing. He said JD is getting into art. Jon said that one that JD liked was about $3,500. Blitt said the artists are flocking to get to JD now that he's in the art world.
Jon said he's going to bring JD to Miami later this year to go to an art show. Howard said buying art with the money they pay JD is impressive. He said he's looking forward to JD meeting with the artist. He said he can't wait to hear that. Howard thanked JD for hosting. He said he was good.
Howard said he's thinking about it now and he's not sure how it got so popular. Robin said you don't have to know anything. She said you just guess. Howard said they aired a prime time celebrity Wheel of Fortune last night. Howard said he's not sure who was on it but he'd never go on a show like that. He said you can only come off looking bad. Robin said games are fun. Howard said not for him. He said he'd never go on a show like that. He said it's so dumb. He said he could have every letter but one and he'd still fuck it up. Robin said it does happen.
Howard asked who was on last night. He got a list and read through that. He said he thinks he knows Paul Sheer. He said that's pretty bad when you have names that you don't know. He asked who Lou Annell is. Gary said he's not sure but Paul has been on the channels over the years.
JD said there are more people on tonight. He read some of the names and Howard had no idea who they were. Gary said Kate Flannery is on The Office. Howard said maybe they can file a class action lawsuit against them for misrepresenting the show as a ''celebrity'' show.
Howard had JD read the names again. JD said he knows who Steve Agee is. He said he's a comedian and he's in Peacemaker. They went through some of the other celebrities. They mentioned that someone was in the Borat movie. Howard said that movie is so great. He went through a scene that he thought was funny. He said Sacha Baron Cohen is a genius.
Howard read some names of an upcoming celebrity Wheel of Fortune. He mentioned a few names he's never heard before. Howard and the guys went through some other names and there were a few that Howard knew.
Howard asked the caller what he called in for. Charlie said he had this chick he used to go with and she got a restraining order against him but she still calls to fuck him. He said he wants to fuck her but he doesn't really care anymore about the whole thing. Howard said just stay away from her. Howard let him go a short time later. He sounded like he was getting annoyed with the guy goofing around.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would play in a celebrity chess tournament. Howard said hell no. He said he played for a while and then stopped. He said if you don't play then you lose it. He said a neighbor asked him to come over and play but he didn't want to. He said he went anyway and he played this football player who was there. He said he was looking at his girlfriend and she was super hot. He said he wondered how long they were married and they weren't married. He said he said he should marry her. He said his name was Larry Fitzgerald. He said he's a really nice guy. He said he didn't know shit about football but he apparently does a show on SiriusXM with Tom Brady.
Howard said this Larry guy won the game of chess. He said he was just looking at his girl. He said that he didn't want to play a second game but he did and he won. He said they both won a game and it was great. He said Larry wanted to play a third game to decide who the best was. He said Larry is the best. He said that's what he told him. He said he doesn't play anymore. He said he wanted to go home. He said Larry asked if he was one of those guys who thinks everyone has to walk away a winner. He said Larry won the third game. He said now what. He said lets talk to your girlfriend. He said Larry was a nice guy. He said he'd get together with him again. He said he was very competitive though.
Howard said if Larry really wants to know who the best is they'd have to play with a clock. He said he's not good anymore though. He hasn't been playing. The caller said you do have to play all the time to stay good. Howard said Oz Pearlman was there at the house. He said he beat Oz too. He said he doesn't play much so he was glad he won. He said he did some great magic tricks for them. He said this guy is so good. He said he's not sure how he did it.
Howard said there was nothing wrong with that girlfriend Larry had. He said she was perfect.
Howard explained a trick that Oz did for them. He said he had them write down names on a piece of paper. He said he did this thing where he announced a name that was written on the paper. He said it wasn't a normal name. He said he wondered how he did that trick. He said he asked the hot girlfriend if she was famous or something. He said it was some guy she had a crush on when she was in college. Howard said Oz said he'd do the trick for him. He said he did that and he knew the name. He said that he thought of the name Dave Matthews. He said Oz knew it was Dave. He said then Oz tells him to open his wallet. He said he had him unzip it and he pulls out his card and it said ''Please say hi to Dave when you see him'' on the card. He said he has no idea how he did that.
Howard said Oz is good. He said he only wished his wife was there. He said she loves that stuff. Howard said Oz was on America's Got Talent and he was really good on there. He said he should have won. He said his career blew up after that and he deserves it. He said he has to learn some tricks. He said he'd love to know how to do that one. He said Oz is lucky he wasn't around in the 1600s or he'd be burned for doing witchcraft.
Howard said he doesn't want to play chess. He said he's not looking for that. He said he's pretty much in lock down again. He said he has to be healthy for his daughter's wedding. He said he's in complete lock down. He said he went to the dermatologist yesterday and he was wearing like 67 masks. He said his doctor was fine with that. He said he still wears masks when he sees patients.
Robin said that Xi and Blinken met yesterday and they weren't wearing masks but everyone around them was wearing one.
Howard said he saw the number of cases in the country and he wonders if those are people who weren't vaccinated or what. He said now we have Paxlovid and things and he's not sure what that stat is. Robin said people still get it even after being vaccinated. She said there are still people who are vulnerable. Howard said his mom got COVID and she got it never leaving her apartment. He said she's locked in there like the Mummy. He said there are people who come in and out of there. He said who knows.
Howard said his mom got COVID and she was so close to being dead that they picked out clothes for her to wear at the funeral. He said she was a mess. He said 3 months later she snapped to. He said she got it a second time and he's not sure how. He said the Paxlovid took care of her symptoms in a day. He said that his mother doesn't want to go to his daughter's wedding but she was at Bagel Boss the other day. He said she's fine doing that but not going to the wedding. Howard said she could go.
Howard said he has one last card to play with his mother. He said she won't budge on this but she has a social worker who he's working on. He said he asked her to work on her to get her to go. He said that's one last hope.
Howard took a call from Michael Rapaport and he told him to sue Wheel of Fortune about the ''celebrity'' thing. Michael said he was on in September. He said they got that wrong. He said he already did it. Howard asked who was on with him. Michael said he has no idea. Howard said exactly. He said imagine he did an appearance and he has no idea who was on with him. Michael said that's not because of them. He said they were real actors. Howard said he shouldn't have done it. He said he has a legit career. Michael said he did it because there are a lot of people in show business and the real world who think that he's unhinged. He said he has to do those kind of things to show people that he's not.
Michael said he has been trying to have a good time with JD and hang out with him. He said then this Chris Wilding comes along and makes out with him. JD said he has no idea what he's talking about. Michael said he offered to do things to him and he turns him down. Michael said he gets excited and blows it. Howard said he could make out with him. JD said he'll kiss him on the lips. Michael said no way. He said he's going to start out on the back of his neck. He said he wants his head mushed into a pillow so he's face down, ass up. JD said he's not doing that.
Howard asked if Michael is doing mustard commercials now. Michael said he is. He said it's Mike's Amazing Mustard. He said it's coincidental that it's named Mike's but he is doing those commercials.
Michael said he wants JD. Howard said that has to be a nice dime to do a national commercial. JD said they come up all the time while he's watching baseball games. Howard asked if he gets a residual or a one time pay out. Michael said he's not going to say. He said he doesn't want to breach any contracts or anything like that.
Michael said he wants JD to eat mustard out of his ass. JD said no way. Michael said don't threaten him with a good time. He said he wants to do that. JD said he's not doing that.
Michael asked what about something with ''Boofy.'' He said there's so much he'd like to do. He said he'd love to shave his back hair and grease him up. He said he wants to do things in all three holes. Robin asked how there are three holes. Michael said the sexuality of Baba Booey is what he would love to have. Gary asked if he wants to put his dick in his mouth. Michael said any time any place. He said he'll come to him. He said he wants to do this privately if he has to. He said that he brought it to the air.
Howard said he has Mike from Mike's Amazing Mustard on the phone. He had the fake Mike tell him that Michael is a fucking weirdo. Michael said he's being a brand ambassador. He said he offered to have JD eat it out of his ass.
Howard wrapped up with Michael but Michael had more to say about JD being with other men. He said that hurt. JD said it was just a peck. He said he's not getting a thing out of eating out of his ass. Michael said he knows what he'd get. He said that would be like getting to first base.
Howard asked if Michael is gay. Michael said not at all. Howard said this seems gay to him. Michael said that's because he's close minded. He said it's pride month so that's surprising. Howard let Michael go a short time later. Howard said he'd love to see that mustard licking thing. JD said he's not doing that.
Howard said people just deny stuff like Trump. He said that's what this guy could do. Robin said that Trump was on FOX News talking about the documents thing and he just talks his way out of everything. Robin said he comes up with these things and he claims that he didn't do things that he did. He said that he claimed they weren't documents, they were just pieces of paper. Howard said he was going to play that stuff but people don't want to hear it. He said they're stuck in their ways so they're not going to change their minds.
Robin said this is just one of these things in our history where things are going in a weird direction. She said we've survived before and we'll get back to it.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Trump was back to talk about the document thing. Howard spent a few minutes going over that story with fake Trump. They talked about Trump possibly going to jail and Trump said he'll be fine in there running the country from inside. Howard said he's not even sure what to say. Trump kept talking about how he'd be in prison and how his ass pussy would be.
Howard talked to fake Trump about all of the people who are coming out against him now. He said Trump called all of them ''great people'' when he was working with them. Fake Trump said there's no loyalty there at all.
Robin said she's wondering where Melania is. Howard asked fake Trump where she is. Trump said that she's on the plane but she's kept quiet in there. Robin said she really is wondering where she is. Howard said she's probably fed up with everything at this point.
Howard said it's nice to be loved by that. He said he hopes his wife is listening. He said he has Yara out there.
Howard said he has to give a shout out to Paula Poundstone. He said he was going to take a break but he has to do this. He said Paula came out years ago when Johnny Carson was around and he was a dick. He said he was a comedian and he treated comedians so poorly. He said Johnny had guests on the show every night and they all sat on the couch. He said the comedians weren't allowed to unless they were invited. He said that's shameful.
Howard said Paula Poundstone spoke out about this on a podcast. He played a clip where Paula was talking about what bullshit that was. Howard said she's so right. He said that getting someone to laugh is the most difficult and wonderful job. He said only a handful of people can do it. He said that they have to walk so many lines. He said for Johnny to not have them on the couch is so wrong. Robin said he was making another obstacle for people to get over. Howard said it's not cool. He said that no one did that bad that they shouldn't have been allowed to sit down.
Howard said he always thought that he should have had a volcano to push comedians into if they didn't do well. He said maybe Johnny should have dressed in emperor's clothing and had them fight to the death.
Howard said they were going to do a bit on the show where they were going to do things to the comedians if they didn't do well. He said they did the bit and he wasn't able to punish them. He said it's just too cruel.
Howard said that clip was from the Last Laugh Podcast. He said she went on about what a dick Johnny was. He played more audio from that podcast. Paula talked about getting to sit with Johnny and how it wasn't really that big of a thrill.
Howard thanked Paula for talking about that. He said he found it so offensive when Johnny did that. Howard said in 1979 Johnny gave his thoughts on female comedians to Rolling Stone. He said Johnny didn't do many shows. Robin said he went out like once a year to Las Vegas to show his chops. Howard read some of that interview he did with Rolling Stone.
Howard said he hopes Johnny was buried alive. He said he hopes they made that mistake. Robin said he may not have been alive when he was alive. She said he stuck around a long time. Howard said Johnny was a good host but that was a weirdo thing he did.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Dice again. He had some things to say about Johnny Carson. Howard let Dice go after a minute or so.
Howard said that David Spade told a story about how Johnny had waved him to the couch and he didn't see the wave so he didn't go over.
Howard said there's a lot of work involved in being a comedian. He said you have to respect stand up comics. He said that they put a lot of hours into that job and then they have some dick like Johnny not inviting them over to the couch.
Howard said Johnny should have smacked the comics around like Will Smith. Howard said he has to take a break. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said he loves this band. He said this is a great version of the song. He said he loves it. He said after they performed this on Conan's show in 2016 the lead singer got a letter from Paul Simon telling him they did a great job with it. Howard said that must have felt good. He said in his mind he feels like he could sing like that. He asked if anyone can play that way on guitar. Robin said maybe Nowicki could do it. Howard said yeah Nowicki. He said he might go to this style.
Steve Nowicki got his guitar out and played along with the Disturbed version. Howard said every guitar player starts playing and can't stop. He had him just do his thing playing along with Disturbed.
Howard said Steve is a talented dude. He said he did Mark the Bagger earlier. He did it again. Howard asked if he can sing Sounds of Silence as Mark. Steve did that for a few seconds. Howard asked him to play some guitar. Howard tried to sing like the guy from Disturbed. He said he has the lyrics. Howard asked what key Steve is in. Steve wasn't doing it the way he wanted so he asked Fred if he can do it. Fred got a guitar that he thought might be in tune.
Howard said he's throwing Steve out of the band. He tried singing but it just wasn't working so he gave up. Howard said he's not sure what Steve is doing. Steve said he can do this... and played like Eddie Van Halen.
Howard said he loves that Fred is off trying to get a guitar and he's done. He said they could be waiting a month for that to happen. Steve said he has the chords now. Fred showed up so he played and Howard tried singing again. It was a mess. The timing was off with the guitar and Howard singing because of their remote setups. Fred said it's hard to do it on Zoom with the timing.
Howard said Fred and Steve are two talented guys. He said if he were Carson he wouldn't have invited them to the couch. Howard said now he gets why Eddie wasn't able to work with lead singers. He said he had to work with guys like him.
Howard said people on that sub should be people who have nothing to live for. He wondered what you're going to see there. Robin said they're basically buried alive.
Howard said Gary told him that someone from Jeff Bezos' company asked him if he wanted to go into space. Gary said he did tell him that. He said she asked if he thought Howard would be interested. Howard said don't bother asking his agent about that. He said he's not going.
Howard said his friend is over in Italy now and he's not impressed at all. He said he'd just be miserable over there. Robin said he might be surprised.
Howard said he's not even thrilled that his daughter's wedding is taking place over 3 days. He said she's doing a nighttime thing. He said he's not sure he can stay up. He said he just can't do it. He said even if he goes to bed at 2 in the morning he's up at 4. He said he's not sure how people sleep in. He said he doesn't get that concept.
Howard said people tell him about how great the pizza is in Italy. Robin said he has no idea what he's missing out on. Howard said that's the only place he would go if he was going to travel. He said they were gong to go with Jimmy and Molly. He said he'd rather just stay home.
Howard said the fans wrote in about the Chris Wilding date they went over yesterday. He read through some of the feedback about Wolfie's coverage of that date.
Howard said Wolfie said that Jorge is still into Chris so he's not sure what's going on. He played some audio that Wolfie got from Jorge about how he wants to come to the city to celebrate his birthday next week.
Howard asked Chris what's going on there. Chris said he had no idea. He said he will not respond to him on Instagram or texts. He said he really doesn't know what's happening. Howard said this is a strange follow up. Chris said he may just show up on his doorstep. He said he won't take his calls. He said he will talk to Wolfie though. He said maybe he was talking to him as AI or something.
Howard said a lot of people wrote in about diet advice for Beth. He read through some of that. He said Beth is getting upset with him when he talks to her about what she's eating.
Howard took a call from Eugene from Kentucky but his phone wasn't there either. Howard said the phones are a mess today. Eugene was there but he wasn't speaking. He eventually got on but the phones were kind of screwy.
Eugene said he lost a couple of people to diabetes so take it seriously. Howard said fuck yeah. He asked what he's been up to lately. Eugene said he's been farming. He said they're doing pretty well now. He said he figured things out with his hemp farming.
Howard asked what they do down there in Alabama when he's on vacation. Eugene said they do some hunting and fishing. Howard asked what kind of guns he has. Eugene said he likes Winchesters. He said it has to be pre-1963. He went through the gun thing with Howard for a short time.
Howard asked Eugene about what they do with hemp. Eugene said you can do a couple of ways with that. He said you can make CBD products or sell it as rope. He said he's been working with a company that makes CBD oil. He said that's a little bit more profitable right now.
Howard said it's weird that it's a weed and you have to work at farming it. Eugene said it is weird. He said that you have to have all female plants. He said he got screwed the first year. He said one male plant can screw up the whole growing season. He said it can really fuck you up. He said it'll screw your whole crop up.
Howard asked Eugene what the male plants do. Eugene said they make the female plants not grow right. Howard said what a fucked up business that is. He said you think hemp is an easy crop but it's not. Robin asked if you have to replant every year. Eugene said you do.
Howard asked if Eugene has to replenish the soil. Eugene said they fertilize it. He said you do have to give back to the soil or it won't grow. He said they have 10 acres of hemp this year.
Howard asked if he owns the farm. Eugene said they do. He said they have about 100 acres and 10 is hemp. He said they have cattle for the manure. Howard said he should come visit him. He said that sounds like fun. He said he can go to Kentucky. Eugene said no one would bother him out there. Howard said if he needs a scarecrow for that help field he's the guy. Eugene said he appreciates him taking his call. He asked if he's getting gout at all. Howard said he's looked down right now but he will get back out when his daughter's wedding is over.
Eugene said he wishes him luck with that wedding. He said he wishes her happiness and all. Howard said it's going to be a wild wedding. He asked Eugene to say Howard is a Coward. Eugene said it and is sounded like ''Hard's a Card.'' Howard said he loves that. He let Eugene go after that.
Howard said he loves rural areas. He said he lived in West Virginia for a while and there were guys like Eugene there. He said they were studying for their first class FCC license down there. He said they sounded like Eugene. He did his impression of what that sounded like to him.
Howard said King of All Blacks called in yesterday too. He said he was a hit. He read some feedback about him. He said the fans thought he was hilarious even though he's so wrong about the stuff he says.
Howard said King sent in a video of himself and he looks really thin. He said he's pissed that Ozempic gives people that ability. Robin asked what you do when you lose the weight. Howard said he's not sure. Howard played the clip of King showing off his thin body. He lost 74 pounds. Robin said that's amazing. She said they've never seen him that size.
Howard said it pisses him off because he had to work at staying thin. Robin said she just saw a picture of Oprah and she was like ''My goodness!'' She said it's crazy. Howard said he's angry about it. He said he's not happy for these people. Robin said she's not sure what the repercussions are down the road. Howard said they may get sick but meanwhile everyone is fine.
Howard said they're messing with his super powers. He said everyone has a radio show and everyone is getting thin. He said there are guys who have a lot of hair too.
Howard said Angry Alice weighed in on King of All Blacks. He said she does not like King at all. He played a clip of Alice going off on King about him being ugly and black. She was cursing him out and being kind of racist about him. Howard said he's not sure what happened between them. Robin said this is why the world is never going to work.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:30am.
Howard said she has one song that Avril Lavigne gave her. He said he's not sure which one it was. He asked Jon Hein which song it was. Jon said it was Breakaway. Howard said Avril didn't want the song so she gave it to Kelly. He said Kelly had a big hit with that song. He said it's weird when you give a song up like that. He played some of the song.
Howard said he knows Robin is a Kelly Clarkson fan and she has covered some of her songs. He played Robin singing ''Since You've Been Gone.''
Howard said he loves that. He said she could have had a hit with that. He laughed as Robin's voice cracked in the song. He played another song that Robin covered. He said it's crazy to be able to sing that song and have it come out the way you want it to. Robin said she can't even imagine.
Howard said he was listening to Kelly Clarkson doing a cover of a ''I Will Always Love You'' song and she killed. He said she hit the right notes and it was amazing. He played some of that performance. He said he has to ask her about that when she's in there.
Howard said he liked Robin's version of that song. He played that. He said anyone can sing that song. He said the way she does it is amazing.
Howard said they'll talk to Kelly later in the show. He said he's looking forward to that.
Howard said if he was a song wrier he would never give a song away. He said he's want it on his own album. He said he's not giving away his Metamucil song to anyone. Robin said no one is asking for it. Howard said he tried to give it to Springsteen but he didn't want it.
Howard said he has some memory. He asked Sour about the Crazy Bob Players that he was referencing in the Imus impression. Howard said he'd watch Imus in his writing meeting and they came up with stuff like Moby Worm. He said those were the bad old days.
Howard asked what's going on with Sour. Sour said he just got his phones fixed. He said he got them both fixed. Howard asked if Jackie is there. Sour went into his Jackie the Joke Man impression. He told some goofy jokes and told some stories as Jackie.
Howard asked Jackie if they were the Beatles of radio. Jackie said they were. He started singing too. Howard asked Sour Jackie if he was able to punch up scripts. Fake Jackie said he did. He referenced some movie he worked on.
Howard asked if Mad Dog Russo is there. Sour went into that impression and did his Mad Dog for a short time. Howard talked to him about sports a bit. Sour had Howard laughing at the impression because he gets into so much detail. Howard said he likes when he gets mad. Sour went into mad Mad Dog. He started yelling about stuff. Howard and Robin were both laughing. Sour splashed in the water a bit.
Howard asked Sour to do his Ross Zapin impression. He did that and that led to him doing his Gary voice too. Howard talked to Sour as Gary. He asked him about the new apple goggles and what he thinks about that. Sour Gary talked about that and about vinyl records too. He was rambling as Gary. Sour Gary was talking about his plantain chips and things like that.
Howard got Mariann from Brooklyn on the phone and she wished him a happy birthday. She said that the fans have been asking for him. Sour went into his Mariann from Brooklyn impression. He started screaming like Mariann. They were both yelling over each other. Sour went from his Mariann to his Gary voice. Mariann was arguing with him about what Gary likes when it comes to food.
Howard asked if George Takei is there. Sour went right into that impression. He did his George voice for a short time. Howard talked to him about his Broadway musical. Howard asked how he's celebrating pride month. Sour George rang his bell. Howard said it's good to hear from him. He said he's glad he got his phones hooked up.
Sour asked if he can listen to the rest of the show on the phone. Howard said he can put him on hold. Sour said the sound quality is good on the phone. He said he didn't want to call when he was on his other phones because of the quality. Howard said it's good now and he's glad to hear from him. Sour said he was listening on his Tracphone. He said he called in as some people from soap operas. He said Howard didn't pick up on those calls.
Howard asked if he still calls Mike Francesa as Mad Dog. Sour went into his Mike impression and said he does call. Sour was going back and forth as Mike and Mad Dog. He had them talking about The Bachelorette and AM radio.
Howard was trying to hang up with Sour but he was on fire as Mad Dog and asked him about AM radio and FM radio and kept it going. He was going on and on and not letting Howard hang up. Howard eventually let him go.
Howard said that was something. He said he did so many impressions. He said he's a super talent. Robin said that Imus wanted his show to sound like what Sour was doing. She said he never did get there.
Howard said Gary had a quarter thrown at him and he got hit. He said that hurts. Robin said Will Smith attacked too. She said it's crazy what's going on. Howard said Gary said Bebe is a big fan of the show. He said he feels bad for her. He said he doesn't' know all of her music but he'll check it out. Howard said he's not sure why anyone would throw a phone that's worth so much money at someone.
Howard said Netflix suggested that he watch Suits and Meghan Markle is in it. He said he started watching the show but she's not in it yet. He said the show is actually pretty good. He said it looks interesting so he's sticking with it for a while.
Howard said he was reading about Meghan Markle's show on Spotify. He said they paid her and her husband $20 million to do a show. He said that's a lot of money for a show they don't have any idea about. He said they had no clue what they were going to do. He said that seems crazy to piss away so much money. He said they had an all exclusive deal over there. He said they were supposed to have a bunch of podcasts there. He said Spotify fired them because they weren't getting anything. Howard read the article about the deal and what went on there. He said Bill Simmons from Spotify called them fucking grifters. He said the weird thing is that they wanted 20 million to do nothing. He said they already had that job over in England. He said they could have done nothing for that money over there. He said they had a job already. He said all they had to do was sit on their fat ass. He asked why they would walk away. He said please give him some kind of job like that. He said anyone would take that deal.
Howard said they had it made in England. He said they had all the money they needed and free homes and all of that. He said give him a break.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Prince Harry audio book. The guys were playing edited clips of Harry going off on Howard about the things he was saying about him. Howard went back and forth with the clips for a couple minutes.
Howard let Harry go and closed the fake door on him. Howard said there's other shit going on like the hunter Biden thing. He said the conservative news wants to equate that with what Trump has done. He said they can't get President Biden so they went after his son. He said he didn't pay taxes on something so they went after him and he paid and they didn't throw him in jail. He said Willie Nelson did the same thing. He said the IRS wants their money so they get it and move on. He said the conservatives got the idea that this was some kind of sweetheart deal. Robins said they all have privilege and they complain that they got that privilege. Howard played some news reports about the deal where they were all saying that they're calling it a ''sweetheart deal.'' Howard asked how everyone gets the exact same story. He said they all call it the same thing.
Robin said the other thing was that he lied about doing drugs on his gun permit application. Robin asked who would tell the truth about doing drugs on something like that.
Howard said you don't equate this to what Trump did. He said no one is making sense anyway. He said he doesn't care. He said Trump could get a sweetheart deal too. He said all he had to do was return those documents. He said it's the stupidest crime to say you don't have the boxes.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Trump who went off on Hunter Biden. Fake Trump had a lot to say about that subject. Fake Trump commented on Chris Christie and things like that. Howard said he wants to keep this light. He asked about his daughter Ivanka and things like that. Trump said he spends more time with his sons Don Jr. and the other one.
Howard said he was going to ask him about the Titanic sub that's lost in the Atlantic. Fake Trump said they should have put Hunter Biden on that sub. Trump said maybe Chris Christie attacked it. He attacked him some more with fat jokes. He blamed the rise of the sea level on Chris Christie. He went on and on attacking Chris and Ron DeSantis too.
Howard let fake Trump go. Robin said he did say he was going to be more combative if he gets reelected. Howard said things are crazy there.
The caller asked if he would talk about his old radio career. He said he likes hearing about the old days. He said he doesn't depict it that well in the movie as he does on air. Howard said he has to be in the mood. He said he'll get there eventually.
Howard said he has been thinking a lot about radio. He said there's a station in Detroit called WDRQ. He said he used to work in Detroit. He said that they're selling this station to Family Life Communications. He said these stations used to be big money makers. He said not anymore. He said they're selling this station for $10 million and they used to sell for 80-90 million. He said that radio is dead. He said he didn't know that was really going to happen when he left terrestrial radio. He said he did think that things might go okay. He said he had some thoughts on it at the time. He said he did say it was the end of radio when he left. He said he didn't know it was going to be this quick and this bad.
Howard read about some of the stations that have gone away. He said all of these great rock stations are gone now. He said he's glad he got out when he did. He said things were so bad at the time. He said he didn't want to be on radio anymore. He said then he heard from Sirius and XM. He said they both wanted them to come over. He said he would have gone to XM because they were doing well. He said Sirius only had 400,000 subscribers while XM had 2 or 3 million. He said he really wanted to go to XM because they had more subscribers. He said the guys at XM were so weird. He said Lee Abrams wanted him there but he went to the board of directors and they wanted to put a proposal together. He said he had a meeting at Sirius and they just made him and offer and wanted him to start ASAP. He said those guys wanted and needed him. He said he always goes to the shittiest place. He said he knew that if he fucked up it wouldn't be so bad. He said if you hired him you were in big trouble. He said Sirius was the best. He said he went with them because he wanted to crush the other fuckers. He said he was going to do everything he could to make this company great. He said they all laughed at him. He said they ended up winning and bought XM. He said now it's SiriusXM. He said they swallowed XM. Howard said now they have 33 million subscribers and they have a nice little business going. He said it's a pretty great story. Howard said now they're a huge conglomerate.
Howard said they have such a beautiful studio there too. He said they put JD in a big glass booth and they can all watch him eat his lunch. He said it's fascinating.
Howard said he feels sorry for those people. He said he'd never get in that thing for any reason. He said there's no reason. Robin said they have to sign a waiver and they mention death 3 times in it. Howard said lawyers will tell you not to worry about that. He said if they do survive they will be able to sue. He said you get to shit in a box for $250,000.
Robin said this is first class and you have a black box as a toilet and sandwiches for you. Howard said people are fascinated by the Titanic but he doesn't spend a minute thinking about it. He said the movie was okay but he only had to see it once. He said he didn't have any desire to see it again. He said imagine you want to pay $250,000 to see the Titanic. Robin said you don't even see it because it's dark down there.
Howard said he sees everything he wants to see at home. He said he just watches TV. He said he has a big TV that rises up out of a box. He said he sees it all on that TV. He said he saw Arnold Schwarzenegger's whole life on that screen last night. He said just watch the world from your bedroom like him.
Howard said people wrote in about this story. He read some feedback they got about it. Howard said Wolfie spoke to Bigfoot about the submarine. He played a clip of Bigfoot talking about how they're looking for that ship that sunk a long time ago. He said he thinks it's the Minnow from Gilligan's Island. He said he's get himself out of that thing if he was stuck in it. He said he's shoot himself out of the torpedo tube. Howard said he's pretty sure it doesn't have a torpedo tube. Robin said if the sub sunk to the bottom then the pressure is crushing the sub.
Howard said the whole thing is giving him a lot of anxiety. He said the fans seem to be on his side in that. He read some feedback about the Jeff Bezos space story he told yesterday. He said that he'd never get in anything like that. He said you have to be out of your mind.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he remembers an Anthony Wiener video where he was spitting in a guy's face. Howard said he doesn't remember that. He hung up on the guy.
Gary said they say that the guy who is in the sub had a kid who went to the Blink 182 show last night and posted that this is what the family would want. He said he tagged the band and the members of the band. He said he wanted people to know he was there. Howard said according to what he read that was a step kid. He said maybe he wasn't that invested in the guy who is in the sub. He said it is fucking weird.
Howard said he was thinking about that sub and who built it. He said when he saw it he can't imagine anyone getting in it. Robin said they said that it was very experimental and it's not something they had tested many times. Robin said they were trying to drag other companies into it but they didn't do any of the testing so don't put it on them.
Howard said they should be glad he wasn't on that thing. He said if he was on it he'd kill the rest of the fuckers in here. He said he'd choke them out so quick so he'd have oxygen. Howard said why not let them die by his hand. Robin said he'd take out the pilot and then the billionaires. Robin said don't make friends when you go on a trip like that.
Howard said for $250,000 he'd better get some nice cuisine on that thing. He said he has someone on the phone from the sub. He said they're trapped in there. the guy said the shit box had hit max capacity and please send help. Howard didn't last long with that bit.
Howard read some feedback about the long distance relationship thing. He had a few people write in with their own long distance stories.
Howard said he played a tape of Mark the Bagger talking about his new book. He said they had real Mark and fake Mark call in. He said the fans enjoyed them both. He read some feedback about that.
Howard said they learned that Mark is a painter and he's selling paintings of Robin for $200. He said they should post that on their social media. He said that Mark is painting alright. Robin saw what he's doing and said that's hysterical.
Howard played some audio of Memet talking to mark the Bagger about who inspires him as an artist.
Howard said Mark doesn't put a lot of thought into his paintings. He played another clip of Mark talking about his work and how he has no philosophy or any attachment to his paintings.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Mark the Bagger. He was talking about his art and the things that real Mark had just talked about. Howard talked to Mark about jerking off on the carpet and walls too. Fake Mark said he's painting a picture of Nikki Glaser right now. He was jerking off talking about that.
Howard asked what he would do if Nikki was his girlfriend. Mark said he'd have a hoagie with her and then jerk off on his carpet.
Howard let fake Mark go and said they were talking about JD yesterday and Jon Blitt said he's trying to get into buying art. He said the fans wrote in about that. He read through some feedback about JD.
Howard had some audio of JD talking to the artist that they talked about yesterday. He said that Jon Blitt had said that he had that audio yesterday. In the clip JD was talking about the painting he didn't particularly like but the artist said he can do something just for JD. Blitt was pushing JD to get something but JD said he wanted time to think about it.
Howard said he's not sure what JD is going to do there. He said he never imagined that JD would be into art like that. He said there are a lot of struggling artists and it's great that he's supporting them. He said JD and Blitt are meeting with the artist next week. Jon said they're doing that on Wednesday or Thursday next week. JD said probably Thursday. Jon said that JD has a lot of walls and he has a keen eye so this is his way in. He said he thinks a lot of artists would want to give their art to him to amp their profile. JD said he'll have to see what happens.
Howard said JD has come a long way. He said he's into a lot of things now. He said he used to collect spoons but now it's art. JD said he stopped collecting spoons before he was even on the show.
Howard said he was thinking that he could do art himself and frame all of his spoons into one work. JD said he's got less than 20 now. Howard said he could showcase them all. He asked if any are really good. JD said no. He said there's some interesting looking ones. Howard asked if he can see them framed. JD said he can. Howard said he sees it. He said he can imagine them glued to a light background. JD said he thinks maybe black. Fred kept playing a spoon dropping sound.
Howard said he should have a spot for baseball cards too. JD said he has a special box for that. He said he doesn't want to get into this. Howard said this is good. JD talked about how he wants to display some of his sports cards. Howard said what a great thing to have out when entertaining. He said that says a lot about you. He said it shows you have great taste.
Howard asked what his favorite card is. JD said he has a Hank Aaron card from 1956. He said has a few others he likes. Howard said he can take them all and hang them all up.
Howard answered a knock at he door and it was fake Andrew Dice Clay who said this shit makes you look all cultured and shit. Howard said if you have a woman over and they see spoons and baseball cards hanging they could get excited. He kept fake Dice on for a couple more minutes. Howard said he thinks Dice inspired JD to have meetings with some artists. Howard said JD likes women with big asses and there are a lot of women like that in art.
Howard finally let Dice go and read some more fan feedback about his Johnny Carson rant. He read through some of that feedback.
Howard said a couple of weeks ago they played a Casey Shaw clip where he talked about jerking horses off for $4 an hour. He said Wolfie tracked Casey down and got an interview with him about that.
Howard played a clip of Casey talking about the thing he used to jerk the horses off at the farm. He said you had to work your arms to get this thing to work. He went into detail about how he had to work at it to get the horse off. He said the horse was ramming you hard when you did it. He said he had bruises at the end of the day. Robin said she still doesn't believe it. Howard played another clip of Casey talking about how much jizz he'd get in a day and what it smelled like. Wolfie asked what it feels like. Casey said it's hot and it's kind of silky. He said it's similar to human jizz. Howard said that's Casey Shaw everyone.
Howard took a call from Lil Mikey who used to do the Robin song parodies. Mike said he has a real job now and it sucks. He said he's working at a TV station where he does the sports. He said he has a radio show too. He said he's out in Vegas doing that. He said he's been doing interviews too. He said he had Billy Crash Cradock on. He said he's talking to some other people soon. Howard said that's fantastic. Robin said no one saw that in his future. Mikey said he's got a girlfriend too. He said he wanted to thank them for everything they did for him. Howard said he's one of the most awesome Robin song singers ever. He said that he thought he'd end up in the music industry or something but that's awesome. Mikey said you can see him on YouTube and he's on KVTM.
Gary said they were going to put something together as a package. He said Mikey is a little stiff and lacks charisma. Howard said it sounds like a starter job. Mikey said he is a little stiff but he's only been doing it for 2 years. Howard said keep at it. Mikey thanked them again.
Howard had Gary play some clips. Gary said you have to see the visual. They played a clip and Mikey did his thing and Howard said he didn't think that Mikey was that old. Gary said he has to be mid-40s or something. Howard said he looks 70. Robin said she thinks that's not even him. She said it must be an avatar.
Howard played some of Mikey's songs about Robin. He played a ''Big Round Jugs'' parody. He had clips of Robin in the song so it was sort of like a duet. Howard said he's proud of Mikey. He said he has a great comedy mind. He said now he's a sportscaster. He said that's great. He played a few more song parodies that Mikey did about Robin.
Howard said he's proud of Mikey. He said he's doing well. He said he likes to see the fans doing well in media.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said that Kelly Clarkson covers Guns N' Roses sometimes. He asked if she did that when she was drunk. Kelly said that she did it at a bar that night and it was the third bar. She said it was bad. Howard said she's such a good singer and she does great covers. Howard asked if she gets intimidated by certain songs. Kelly said she gets excited. She said she just picked some songs to do for something coming up and it's like a release for her when she does those songs.
Howard asked Kelly about performing at the Country Music Awards and she did ''I Will Always Love You'' and that seems like an incredible task. He said she has to hit high notes and it's got to be tough. Kelly said she usually would never say yes to doing that song. She said she was asked to do the tribute and she is a big Dolly Parton fan. She said she had no idea it was going to be that song. She said no one should sing that song. She said there are certain songs that you just shouldn't do. She said that song was so huge and the moment in the movie was so big and you're already defeated before the song even starts. Howard asked if she said no at first. Kelly said she was at work at the talk show and she did say no to her manager. She said she had no idea it was going to be that song. She said you can't let your ego kill a moment like that. Howard played some of the performance they were talking about. Howard said he loves this. He said he's heard it a few times. He said he got the chills from that. He said he got chills from her even when she was on American Idol. He said only a few people can give that. Kelly said that's a nice compliment. She said Whitney Houston is one of her favorite vocalists. She said she tried her best with that. She said it can be hard because she covers so many songs.
Howard asked who she was going to say wrote to her after that. Kelly said it was Chris Stapleton who wrote to her about how great he thought that was. She said she really appreciated that coming from him. Howard said Chris can elicit emotion out of a song too. He said you look at him and wonder what he's going to be like but that guy is just too much.
Kelly said that Howard is amazing. She said she flew in late last night and things are just off for her. She said she looked at her clock at 2 and 3 in the morning. She said Gary just brought her coffee. She said she had flown in from her ranch in Montana. Howard said that sounds so nice. Kelly said it really is great. She said she wants to do what Howard is doing from home. Kelly said they thought she was going to do her show from her ranch but she thought that she had to be there. Howard said she really does need to be there in person.
Howard said Kelly went out looking for recording contracts as a kid and she was offered some but turned them down. Howard asked what she knew that made her turn them down. Kelly said that she is very comfortable in many different ways. She said people put thoughts in your head and whatever but we are all the same. She said from an early age she has worked hard and she had to. She said when you have little to lose it's helpful. She said that she was okay being a waitress if she had to be. Howard said if he were a musician he'd think that he'd take any recording contract. He said if she had signed a contract she wouldn't have been able to do American Idol.
Howard asked Kelly about how she heard about American Idol. Kelly said a friend of her's, Jessica, had told her about it. She said she was living out of her car after her home burned down. She said Jessica told her about the audition and she was like the 4th person in line that day. She said that she had to go to work after that audition. She said she had no idea the show was going to be as big as it turned out to be.
Howard asked if she has nightmares about what her life would have been like if she hadn't gotten that show. Kelly said she doesn't feel bound by anything. She said she could have done other things and had a great life. She said she's not a person who thinks there's just one opportunity. She said she doesn't really think about what could have happened.
Howard asked why she was never in a band. Kelly said she only knew singers. She said she didn't know any musicians. Howard said what a great thing that could have been. Kelly said it would have helped her. She said if you see her name on a song it's just her writing a song by herself. She said she's not in a room with other people. She said she would have loved to have been in a band and being a background singer. She said that was her goal actually. Howard said he knows. He said he doesn't get that though. He said he can't imagine that. He said he wanted to be the guy people were tuning in for so he didn't want to play music. Kelly said she just loved that she could make money doing something she loved.
Howard asked if she was known as the girl who could sing in school. Kelly said maybe she was in high school. She said no one thought she was going to be big. She said they had a lot of great singers there in her school. She said they all sang in church and things like that.
Howard said when she wrote this new album she must not have thought about writing songs every day. Kelly said no. She said there are people she knows that do that but she can't do it. She said something has to happen and she has to get it out. She said she had a hard time communicating when she was a kid. She said she had a journal that helped her get things out. She said that turned into a necessity for her. She said it's a therapeutic thing for her. She said she has to have felt something or feeing it to write a song.
Howard said she has every right to be angry. Kelly said she has anger. She said she has other things too though. Howard said he has heard the 5 songs they've released so far. Kelly said that there is a lot of hurt and anger there. Howard said he's in psychoanalysis and it's painful. He said he looks at her life and imagines that her background would make her angry. He said she had awful things happen to her. He said she's had a lot of things happen in her life. Kelly said she and her husband didn't have a great upbringing. She said it sucks that they had to split. She said she's upset for them both and their kids. She said you get to a point where there's no try left and you have to get out. She said she was exhausted from trying. She said they tried therapy but that didn't work out. She said they found out that it wasn't going to work. She said you want it to work but then you realize they're not going to work out. She said it wasn't great.
Howard said her mom and dad split and she lived with her mom and her other siblings lived with her dad and her aunt. He said that has to mess with you. Kelly said there were other things that she found out about later on and she didn't know about it until later on. She said there were things she found out later on. Kelly said that when you're that young you don't question it because you don't know the difference.
Howard said she got married and she had something similar happen to her. Kelly said that's not lost on her. She said that she ended up identical to her parents. Howard played Kelly's song ''Mine'' and talked to her about what that song is about.
Howard said that she came up with a great song but that must be bittersweet because it was a hard part of her life. Kelly said she doesn't mind being the vessel. Howard said he's not sure how to turn his pain into a song. Kelly said it's very healing to get it out. Howard said he wonders if people put drama in their lives to get a song. Kelly said she knows that's a thing. She said there are people who have chaos in their lives all the time. She said everyone knows someone like that. Kelly said she'd rather not have to live that and have to write about it.
Howard said that he thought Red Flag Collector was a great song but she wasn't going to put it out. Kelly said it is a very angry song. She said she wrote other songs that were angrier but they didn't make it to the album. Howard played some of that song.
Howard said he can't imagine her not putting that song out. He said he's getting chills from this song. Kelly said it's the octave jump that does that. Howard asked if she thinks about getting someone to respond to that. Kelly said there are singers who are known for that. She said that you jump up and it's all the passion and anger when you do that. She said she has a view of that song like you're smiling and flipping someone off at the same time.
Howard said she did a cover of Billie Eilish's song ''Happier than Ever'' and when she did it she did an octave jump that floored him. He said he thought the song was even better. He played some of that and talked about that octave jump. Kelly said she had no choice but to do that in the song. She said when she heard that song she got the whole album. She said she loved that song so much. She said she felt like she was telling her life story. She said it's such a relateable song and it shows how angry you can be when you're in love. She said she had to cover the song and she loves that song. She said that might be one of her favorite songs she's ever covered.
Howard asked how a kid that young can write something so great. Kelly said things are really intense when you're a kid and you forget that when you grow older. She said things are simple but very deep when you're a kid. She said that the youth have that on us.
Howard said he could never have written a song like that. He said he blocked out anything going on in his life. He said there was no emotion there. Kelly said she was the same when she was young. She said she didn't get into it until she was writing poetry and things.
Howard said he thinks that Kelly is happy and bubbly all the time. Kelly said she is but she's also sad sometimes.
Howard asked if other artists came down on her for being on a reality show. Kelly said 100 percent. She said there are people who have worked on shows like that and they still come down on her. She said she never felt weird about it. She said she felt it from people. She said that she's not even angry at that. She said it shows something about them and it's a character thing. She said you wonder what's wrong with them for shitting on other people's rainbow. She said she felt that a lot.
Howard said doctors go through medical school and then internships and they suffer in the internship. He said then they become doctors and they keep the internship thing going. He said it's tradition. He said that's what the music industry is. He said you're supposed to go through the hours to get good and some people think she had a some kind of shortcut. Kelly said she gets that. She said no one plans on that though. She said you just work and do your thing. She said she's not sure how to tell the story without saying who it is but one time she was talking to an artist and another artist walked between them and just stood in front of her and ignored her existence. She said she just had to walk away. Howard said that's awful. Kelly said that was awful but then those people appear on other shows like Idol. Kelly said that she just lets it go and moves on.
Howard said men have been a disappointment in her life. He said her dad and ex-husband are loves she had that weren't there for her. He said that's heavy. He said he loves the song ''Me'' and thinks it's terrific. He played some of the song. Kelly said she loves the background vocals. She said she will look back at them when they're performing and just think about how great they are.
Howard asked if she ever feels bad for the background singers not getting the attention. Kelly said she doesn't' feel bad. She said if you do then you're pitying them. She said they get to do what they love and make money doing it. She said she does have moments with them in her shows. She said she mentions their names and how wonderful they are. She said she makes sure that her background and musicians get their time in the spotlight in concert.
Howard said she loves harmony. He said that's so cool to have that gift. He said that he has interviewed a lot of musicians and they're not that great when they start out. He said Ed Sheeran did that recently. He said he had him listen to his early stuff. He asked if you can teach or is it a gift. Kelly said she doesn't think you can teach pitch but she thinks she's a better singer now at 41 than she was at 19. She said it's a muscle and you have to use it or lose it. She said that she did a benefit with Tony Bennett and she thought she did a good job but then Tony got up and did his thing and it was another level. She said he was 80 something at the time. She said she's constantly singing and you can make it better and better. Howard said Billy Joel sounds amazing too. Kelly said he gets better with age. Howard said Bruce Springsteen too. Kelly said that her favorite song is one that he may not even know. She said that he did this song called Lift Me Up and it's so good. She said he's underrated vocally. She said people don't give him enough credit for his vocals.
Howard asked if she has ever covered Bruce's songs. Kelly said she's done a lot. Howard said he has songs that he thinks that she should cover. Kelly said she'd love to hear what he wants her to cover. Howard said he was thinking of one by Bad company. He said he had a list that he wrote down that he has upstairs. He said he will get them to her.
Howard asked if she watched the Kennedy Center Honors where Heart covered some of their songs. Kelly said that was so amazing. She said she and her mom love those songs and they were great performances. Howard said they really did great and it was great seeing the reactions of Led Zeppelin as they did the songs. Howard played some ''Stairway to Heaven'' from that show. Kelly said she has heard this so many times. Howard said he has to have seen this like 250 times.
Howard asked if she thinks about covering songs and wanting to sound like Ann and Nancy Williams. Kelly said she does think about it like that. She said she likes to flip songs.
Howard said she covered ''Alone'' by Heart. He played some of that. He said she likes doing this on TV. Kelly said she loves that high note part. Howard said the crowd is going nuts. Kelly said she loves that high note so much. She said that's why she loves doing that song.
Howard said she's covered so many songs. He said she covered ''Dream On'' and played some of that. He said that she could have been a rock singer. He said she's so good. Kelly said she was such an Aerosmith fan. She said she still is and this is their last tour now. Howard said apparently it is.
Howard said she covered Red Hot Chili Peppers too. He played that performance. Kelly said she changed that one up a bit. Howard said she covered Tina Turner too. He played some of that and talked to her about Tina.
Howard said Tina Turner for her was something special. Kelly said she loves her musically. She said that she loves her as a person too and she's so strong. She didn't get to meet her or see her perform live though.
Howard asked if she has anyone she wants to talk to on her show. Kelly said she'd like to get Annie Lennox and Meryl Streep on the show. She said she has had a lot of people on the show that she looks up to. She said she had Julie Andrews, Bonnie Raitt and others. She said that's what she didn't see coming. She said she didn't think the TV show was going to do anything. She said she had no idea it was going to be what it is. She said it's a heavenly thing that's a 9-5 job. She said that's great as a parent. She said she has so many great guests on the show and it's been really cool.
Howard asked if Kelly would rather go out and have a couple of big gigs and not have a regular job. Kelly said she likes being able to do both. She said she wants to cover the cost of the people under her umbrella. She said that she's not looking to do much more than that. Howard said that must drive her business managers nuts. Kelly said it makes her feel good to have that. She said she wants to have a life. She said she doesn't want to be miserable and you can't take it with you so how much do you need? Howard said once you have enough money you don't have to worry about things. Kelly said she wants to take care of others. She said people have so little. Howard said some people grab at everything. He said that they hawk 50 billion things and you have to ask if you have enough.
Kelly said she doesn't respond to money. She said a lot of things have been thrown her way and she doesn't do it. She said she's exhausted. Howard said there could be some rich guy who has offered her a job. Kelly said she has had that. She said she can't do it physically. She said she was sick for what felt like months and she just can't do all of this work. She said she turns down jobs. She said you don't need a lot to survive. She said she's making good money and you have to ask when it's enough. Kelly said if you want to go on vacation or something and someone can't afford it then you pay for them. She said she would rather do that for someone who can't afford it than hang out with people who have the same budget as her and she doesn't like them.
Howard said he's sure people came out of the woodwork when she made it. Kelly said it was family members. Howard said he gets it. He said he wonders with her dad specifically. Kelly said that's who she was talking about. Howard said she went through high school and didn't hear from him. Kelly said she didn't hear from him from the age of 6 on. Howard said he can't imagine that. He said he had this precious kid and he ignored her. He asked how that's possible. Kelly said she thinks he just didn't know how to do that. Howard asked if she had anyone in her life that was a great example as a man. Kelly said she had so many. She said her musical director has been with her since Idol and he's great. She said she has many guys like that in her life who are great. Kelly said she had a pastor who was the kindest man. Howard asked how she knew to turn to that guy. Kelly said she didn't turn to him. She said he reached out and saw something in her. She said something was missing and he paid attention. She said he reached out and it meant the world to her.
Howard asked if she's religious. Kelly said she is spiritual. She said she thinks there is a similarity in religions and that's love. She said that's what they have in common so she loves the bible and all of that. She said the old testament is kind of messed up but church can be good. She said that she has learned a lot of amazing things from going to church. She said that she has learned a lot from religion. She said that some people think meditation is evil though so she's not limited. She said there's beauty in a lot of it. She said there are good things in them all. She said she believes in a lot of things.
Howard asked if she did drugs at all. Kelly said she didn't and she didn't even really drink. She said she may have had one wine cooler in high school and thought it was gross. She said she had an outlet so she didn't do anything until she was touring. She said then she was burning bras and other crazy stuff in her 20s.
Howard said he likes this song ''I Hate Love'' and Steve Martin played banjo on it. He said she's never met him though. Kelly said that happens more often than you think. She said you don't have to be in the same room. She said that she can make it sound the same as if she's in the same room with someone.
Howard said The Beatles documentary was great because you get to see how they write and how they do their harmonies. Kelly said she doesn't feel like she has to do it that way. She said some people may have to do it that way.
Howard asked how old Gayle is in her band. He said she's a big talent. Kelly said she loves her. Howard said Kelly doesn't get caught up with age. Kelly said she doesn't. She said she didn't approach her. She said they're on the same label and they suggested to her that she work with Gayle. She said that someone from Atlantic told her about this song that Gayle had started. She said she finished writing it that night and it was amazing. She said that this girl is half her age and she's expressing emotions similar to her. She said you don't know what people are going through. Howard played some of that song.
Howard said that Avril Lavigne gave her a song. Kelly said that she likes the song but she didn't think the song fit on her album. She said that the record company told her if she did the song they'd give her something. She said that they were pushing for it. She said she went with it because of that. She said this is a country song to her and she didn't think it fit in with the record but it worked out. Howard said that this is one of her biggest hits. Kelly said it was but it was also on a soundtrack album.
Howard wondered if Avril kicks herself for giving the song away. Howard asked if she called her and thanked her for the hit song. Kelly said she didn't even know the success of it. She said that song came out and it was added at the last moment. She said they have helped each other with songs. He said Avril has been on her show. She said she has worked with so many people on songs. She said she doesn't care who writes a song. She said she'll cover it. Howard said what a song that was. Kelly said she almost said no to it too.
Howard said she had a deal with American Idol and she had to give them six albums. Kelly said there were some hairy times. She said she didn't mind the deal she had with Idol. She said that she was so unhappy with the record company at the time and they had someone under Simon Fuller telling her that she had to look a certain way. She said she has no problem with people getting naked but they kept drilling her about who she had to be and she wanted to do it her way. She said it was those people that she didn't get along with. She said she called Simon and told him that he had to let her go. He said Simon said he would let her out and he'd help her find management. Kelly said that never happens. She said Simon Fuller is an incredible man. She said if she could have worked for him it would have been fine. She said that she had a great time with them. Howard said the record company was good with Breakaway. He said they did have a good idea at the time.
Howard said she didn't get along with Clive Davis. Kelly said she freaked out. She said she was invited to his house and it was like a dream come true. She said that the problem was that he was telling her to just shut up and sing. She said he wanted her to be Whitney Houston. She said he was against the guitars and stuff. She said that was not a good relationship. She said she still thinks that he's a great talent and has worked with great artists. She said that she didn't get along with him.
Howard said he had trouble finding an agent. He said one guy wanted him to be like Imus and he didn't sign with that guy. He said that he didn't want to be Imus.
Howard said on the new album this woman Gayle did this song ''abcdefu'' and Kelly covered that. He said this song is great. He played some of Gayle's song. He said she's opening for Taylor Swift. Kelly said she didn't know that. She said Taylor is doing great with the tour and all of the songs she's re-releasing.
Howard asked Kelly about this Bebe Rexha story where the guy threw a cell phone at her. He asked if she worries about that. Kelly said of course. She said that she was freaked out by the Jason Aldean thing. She said that she can't imagine going through something like that. Kelly said she was doing a concert where she was singing with her eyes closed and this guy rushed the stage and hugged her. She said that she had no idea the guy was coming up because her eyes were closed. She said she wasn't talking that night after that. She said it was very scary. She said she realized how vulnerable she was. She said people are so angry and you don't want to be caught in the crossfire.
Howard said he loves her shitting stories too. He said he hates going out because he might get stuck going to the bathroom outside of his home.
Kelly said she had food poisoning twice and she ended up shitting in a bucket back stage. She said people were cheering her on as she was doing that. She said it was bad. She said someone ran and got her a can to shit in. She said she was sweating and it was really bad. She said she's had food poisoning twice and it was bad both times. Kelly said she was behind a curtain as this was going on and the smell was so bad. She said if she has to go to the bathroom she has no shame. She said she can go anywhere.
Howard said Kelly mentioned she's a nudist earlier. He asked where he can see her naked. Kelly said at home. She said she thinks bodies are interesting and cool. Howard said he saw his mom naked at 7 and he's still traumatized by that. Kelly said clothes are restricting at times. Howard said he loves clothes. He said his penis isn't that big. Kelly said that doesn't matter. She said it matters how you move. Howard said he can't move either.
Howard said he wanted to talk about her TV show and the success that's had. Robin said they never talked about Steve Martin. Howard said Steve is a genius. Kelly said she loves him. She said she loves that he can dip his foot into other fields. Howard played some of the song where Steve plays banjo on ''I Hate Love.'' Howard said he thinks that she doesn't hate love. Kelly said love can make you make ridiculous decisions. She said love can leave you very vulnerable. She said she can be that way and she's very hopeful. She said sometimes that can kick your ass. She said that you see what you want to see instead of what's there. She said she thinks she stayed too long in her marriage. She said that she is very thankful for what she had. She she had never felt what she felt with him and that's a beautiful thing that not everyone gets to experience.
Howard asked what love is. Kelly said she has been in love and she thinks that means for her it's knowing that people will show up when things are hard. She said it's abandoning things and seeing the other side. She said she's not sure she has figured it out. Howard said she thinks she was in love though. Kelly said she has been. She said she was asked if she could be herself though. She said she thinks that she became a smaller version of herself because she felt like she had to do that. She said it's a hard thing to ask some people to be in the limelight with you. Kelly said it's hard to tell your point of view when you can't do that. She said that it was about constantly thinking about how they're going to take it. She said it's like constantly shadow boxing. She said it's not a healthy environment to show up with armor to defend yourself constantly. She said that's not a way to live your life.
Howard said he would think that she'd have to have a big cheerleader in her life. Kelly said he was a big cheerleader.
Howard asked if she thinks she'll ever fall in love again. Kelly said she thinks it could happen. She said she can't do it again like she did. She said she had to diminish her light with that relationship but she won't do that again. Kelly said she's not that into marriage. She said she thinks that's great for some people but it may not suit her at this time in her life. She said that she knows people who got divorced and got into a relationship right away. Howard said he did that. He said he can't be alone.
Kelly said that she doesn't find Howard to be broken. She said that sometimes we diminish ourselves down.
Howard said he has to talk about her talk show and how well she's doing with that. Howard said she's a three time daytime Emmy winner. He said they gave her Ellen's time slot. Kelly said that was insane. She said it was hard for her too though. She said that her show started around the same time. She said that no one was more of a nay sayer than her. She said that she had no idea the failure rate in the industry. She said she had only seen shows that were popular. She said that she didn't know that the shows failed so often.
Howard said Kelly did The Voice too. Kelly said that sent her on a new path. Howard said that show is a huge thing too. He said he would have been nervous going into that. Kelly said she was talking shit to Blake when he started that show. She said he gave her shit when she got on it too.
Howard said some people thought she was dissing American idol by doing The Voice. Kelly said that wasn't it at all. She said she still loves American idol. She said they asked her to do The Voice first.
Howard said to get an Emmy right out of the box is something. Kelly said it really is. She said you just never know. She said she has fun doing the show and she loves it. She said it's cool. She said she may piss off her fan base because she's not touring so much.
Howard asked if she wants to trash the people she's up against in the Emmy's this year. Kelly said she may be too nice. She said she thinks that there's room for everyone out there. Howard said she and Drew Barrymore should be mortal enemies. Kelly said they're not though. She said there's room for everyone. Howard said no there isn't. She said it inspires more people to do it. Howard asked who would win if she had to fight Drew Barrymore. Kelly said she's way too laid back for fighting.
Howard said Kelly will find love again some day. Kelly said she will. She said just not right now. Howard said maybe she'll go on dating app or something. Kelly said she will not do that. She said it's not fair because people know her.
Howard said he has a friend who got a vibrator and fell in love with that. He said a therapist told her that she's too involved with that and she'll never leave the house again. He said no guy can match that thing.
Howard said that she will find someone. He said she's living in New York now. Kelly said he's not worried about keeping a relationship on the down low. She said that she doesn't care. She said you can know or not know and she'll be fine either way.
Howard asked how long before she's dating Pete Davidson. Kelly said he is cute and he is funny. She said she doesn't picture them dating but he is wonderful. She said she's not looking. Howard said he's well endowed. Kelly said she has never had a conversation with a woman about a man's penis size. She said men talk about it more than women do.
Howard said Tom Brady is single too. Kelly said she' not sure she'd want to follow Gisele Bundchen. She said she is confident but she's not sure she could follow that. Howard said the politically correct thing is to say that you can love anyone but she has to date someone famous. Kelly said it would be easier on the relationship if he had some moderate fame and wealth of his own. She said it's not about dating famous people. She said she would love to be with someone who has nothing to do with what she does.
Howard said think about this... Kelly DiCaprio. Kelly said she's not young enough for him. Howard said she is. Kelly said they make jokes about that all the time.
Howard asked who she would want to date who is famous. Kelly said that Nathan Fillion is great and she loves his show Castle. She said that she has crushes on fake people like that character in Castle.
Howard said he set Drew Barrymore up with a guy he knew. He said he should have set her up with him too. He said he wants the story to be that he set her up with her new husband. He said that he wants it to be the love of her life.
Howard said he'd love it if his wife walked around naked. He said she won't do it. Kelly said she loves being naked if it's too hot out.
Howard asked if she wants to host Wheel of Fortune. Kelly said she has enough jobs. Howard said she has to go out and tour a bit. Kelly said they will be doing that. Howard said she's on a roll. Howard gave her some plugs for the new album ''Chemistry'' which is coming out this week.
Howard said he predicts that she'll get married again. He said she may be bitter now but she'll get married. Kelly said she's not bitter. She said she just doesn't want it. She said she had a step parent thing so she's not looking for that either. Howard said he has to give her a hug. He said she needs it. Kelly said she loves hugs.
Howard wrapped up with Kelly let her go. He said that she needs a hug. He said she's had a lot going on in her life.
Howard said they have some special stuff going on over on Howard 101. He said next Wednesday they have Sarah Jessica Parker coming in. He said he has plenty to talk to her about. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 11:00am.