Howard said everyone is talking about Trump and his indictment. He said on FOX News they were talking about it. He said they act like they like him over there even though we know they hate him. He had the announcement from FOX News where they made the announcement and someone gasped when they heard the news.
Howard said on MSNBC this is what it sounded like. He had a porn clip he played. Howard said Lindsay Graham is odd because he was done with Trump at one point but now he's back in. He said he was upset about Trump being indicted. He played a clip of Graham asking people to donate to him to help him support this case. Howard said he's the biggest cheerleader now. He said he can't figure out what side of the coin he's on. Robin said she's not sure how you have two opinions like that.
Howard said it's like if he came on and said he loves Baba Booey and then said he hates him.
Howard said now Trump is coming to New York and you have to have a mug shot and get fingerprinted. He said they're saying he may not have to have a mug shot done now. He said everyone says the law applies to everyone so why wouldn't he have to take a mug shot. He said that's half the fun. He said if the law is equal then why is that?
Howard said he doesn't understand all of this. He said he doesn't know what's going to happen. He said he can't turn off the news. Robin said he has control of all the news broadcasts now. Howard said he loves this. He said he wants to see the Trump stuff. He said he can't watch it if they don't have Trump on.
Howard said there's all of this stuff happening and he wonders when they're going to talk about Trump. He said he can't get enough of it. He said they talk about the same stuff over and over and he can't get enough. Howard said now Trump is mouthing off about this Bragg guy. He said they have to protect him. He said that they have all of this news about Trump and they debate it all. He said now there are like 30 counts against Trump. He said it's some case they have going now. He said they sit there talking about how Michael Cohen got 3 years in prison for what he did. He said he doesn't know what's going on but it's fascinating.
Howard said no one at FOX News is even debating if he broke the law. He said they just say it's a witch hunt and it's all political. He said that's their angle. He said it's crazy. He said if you break the law then you broke the law.
Howard said they say that this could be a felony and he could get a year in prison. Robin said maybe not all of the charges reach a felony level. Howard said we don't even know what the case is. He said we haven't heard. He said everyone is speculating. He said it's like the football guys talking about the game before it happens.
Howard said one of Laura Ingrahm's guests said that a prosecutor should bring a case to court just because they can. Howard said this is the former President so if he broke a law then he should be brought to court. He said the whole thing is weird.
Howard said Trump was supposed to be there this morning but he's having trouble with his microphone. He said he was going to talk to them. He said it's still not working apparently.
Howard asked Gary if the mask thing is over with now. Gary said it is. He said he was at the concert and there is a random person wearing a mask here and there.
Howard said if McCartney isn't wearing a mask then maybe he has to get it together. He said he has friends who are still wearing masks in certain situations. Robin said that you may be able to identify people by them wearing masks. Gary said it was a sold out show too. He said it was packed.
Howard said Springsteen in New York is always going to be sold out. He asked if it was a 3 hour show. Gary said it was. He said it was one of the best he's seen in a while. He said the energy was great and it was one of his favorites. Howard asked how he's doing it. He said he was talking to someone about these guys who are getting older are still singing so well. He said he saw some video of some of Bruce's concerts and he's doing really well.
Howard said he keeps hearing that he and Bruce will be nominated for an Emmy for their interview. He said he's not hearing anything though. Robin said the Emmys just happened. Howard asked when they were. Gary said it was September. Howard said that was 8 months ago. Gary said they will announce later in the year. He said he's not sure when. Howard said it's been 8 months. Gary said they say the nominees will be announced on July 12.
Howard played some songs from the interview he did with Bruce. He said he gets the chills from that. He said music odes that to him.
Howard said he has to be honest with Gary. He said he got the best Bruce concert ever. He said he got to sit about a foot away from him and he sang to him. He asked how you top that. Gary said it was like he was singing to him like he was his girlfriend. Howard said that's right.
The caller, Ben, asked Howard if he would go to the Emmy show. Howard said yes he would. He said he and Bruce would have to sit together. He said they'd be there like girlfriend and boyfriend. He said they can go on the red carpet and he'll be very cool. He said he'll wear a sexy outfit. He said they're both going to wear something like jeans. He said he dresses like someone he's not. He said he wears motorcycle clothes or something like that.
Howard said he's still going to rave about Paul Stanley's book. He said it's very honest and he likes it.
Gary said an Emmy is the only thing missing from Bruce's awards and if he wins that he's be an EGOT winner.
Howard said he thinks that he'd get up there and be gracious. He said he'd let Bruce talk about whatever he wants. He said it really is his Emmy. He said he was phenomenal in that interview. Howard said he just sat there and cried. Howard played another performance from that interview.
Howard said they're going to win the Emmy based on those songs. He said they've got nothing. Gary said it would have to be Best Variety or something. He said that they'd be up against shows like the Oscar's and Saturday Night Live and things like that. He said it's hard to say where they'd put it.
Howard asked what song Bruce added to the show this time. Gary said it was Jungleland. He said the show was amazing. He said there's no opening act either. He said it's just Bruce. Ben said the show was phenomenal. He said he didn't miss a beat.
Howard asked if Ben saw Gary there. Ben said he did not. He said that he must have had good seats. Howard said Gary's teeth are big so he'd notice if he saw him there.
Howard asked what it cost to go there. Gary said it was $420 per ticket before tax. He said it was wort it. Howard said that's not bad. He said it seems reasonable for a 3 hour show. Robin said just remember that at one time they didn't have that kind of money to go see music. She said she's not sure how you get that kind of money. Howard said do what he did and sell your body for sex.
Howard played some Jungleland and talked it up like a DJ. Gary said he'll be in Jersey in late August at that show too. Howard said maybe he should go to that show. He said he might have to go. He said Bruce did ask him to come. Gary said he wishes he was at the Garden show. Howard said Billy Joel told him that it's a great place to play and it's one of the most intimate places he plays. He said Bruce must get the same vibe.
Howard said he heard that Bruce decided to play Jungleland after seeing someone in the audience who was ape like. Gary said he doesn't know what it is but he doesn't even care about that. Howard said he's really sorry about that joke.
Howard let fake Trump in and Donald asked him what the hell he's doing. Howard said his knuckles are bleeding. Howard said he's the first American President to be charged with a crime. Robin congratulated him. Trump said everything he does is historic. He said people don't remember Taft but they will remember him. He said that he is the most gangster president ever. He said they're going to call him Suge Trump.
Howard said he's hearing that he's going to be charged with over 30 counts of business fraud. He said that's something else. Trump said if they're going to treat him like a mobster then he might as well be one. He said that he is the original Teflon Don. He said his sons are both like his Fredos.
Howard said they're saying that they might take a mug shot of him or maybe not. He asked if he's ready for that. Trump said he is. He said he's been in front of a mirror for days preparing for that. He said he's trying all of his faces. He demonstrated them for Howard. He said he's thinking about dancing into the office doing a dance. He said he may do it to the tune of YMCA.
Howard said he sounds excited by this but it's going to be some trial. Trump said he knows the ratings will be unbelievable. He said that it's going to be a game changer. He asked Howard to ask him some questions. Howard did that and Trump said objection and told him to eat shit and sit down.
Howard said this is going to be a huge television event. Trump said he won't object to that. He said he has half the seats up for sale. He said they're going to make a fortune selling those tickets. He said just wait until you see the ticket prices for that. He said they'll be selling merch in the courtroom.
Howard asked fake Trump how he'll handle prison if he has to go. Trump said he has a consultant who will be the QAnon Shamen. He said he won't pay him to be his consultant though. Robin asked if he has taken into consideration that he won't have any makeup or tanning cream in prison. Trump said he objects to that.
Howard asked how his wife is reacting to this. Trump said it's such a pain in the ass. He said a little time away may have some benefits. He said someone who came here in a shipping container would have more sympathy about this.
Howard and Trump talked about Melania and how she may not show up for conjugal visits. Howard said he has never been to prison but he watches a lot of shows about it. He said that what you have to do is align yourself with some of the gangs in prison. He said he might have to join the Aryan nation. Trump said he pretty much already runs it so he doesn't have to join it.
Howard said he knows he has to get on a flight to New York so he has to let him go. Trump asked him to hold on to a few things for him. He said he has some documents and nuclear codes for him to hold on to. He said they're going to dress Eric up like him to take his place. He said he's looking good over there. Howard let him go and closed the fake door on him.
Howard said he knows Donald loves having so much news coverage. He said it's like a reality show. He said this is unprecedented. He said it's like a reality show. He said you do wonder what's going to happen next. He said you can't stop watching TV. He said he wakes up thinking about turning on the news to find out. Robin said she just got through the Gwyneth Paltrow trial and now they have to go into the Trump trial.
Howard said the guy lost the case against Paltrow and now he's thinking about going after her with a second attempt. Robin wondered why anyone would even think about doing that after how fast they found she wasn't guilty. Robin said he does have to pay her legal costs. Howard said that can add up quick. He asked if you can imagine what her legal bill was for this. He said they just call and charge you a ton of money.
Howard said what a day if was last Thursday. He said they found that Gwyneth wasn't responsible. Gary said they're going to appeal and they are going to look into her background since she was able to look into his background. Howard said he's not sure that's going to work out for the guy.
Howard said he told his wife not to show him on her Instagram. He said she won't show his face. He said if he gets real bad and loses it then he doesn't want to be shown doing things online. He said they really had this conversation and he asked her not to show him. He told Robin if she sees any of that she has to enforce it.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked if they saw that OJ was commenting on Gwyneth and her case. Howard said JD should have pulled that. JD said he did see that and he'll have the clips up in like 2 minutes. He said the clips are alright.
Howard asked what he's saying about Trump. JD said he's saying that you're innocent until proven guilty and stuff like that. Howard said OJ is an interesting guy. He said he's got to come up with something original.
Howard did his OJ impression and made up some stuff he could be saying about this case. JD said the most annoying part of the OJ stuff is hearing birds chirping in his yard as he's talking about this stuff. Howard said he's living the life out there.
Howard said he would love to see OJ be the real OJ on his Twitter. He made up some conversations that he could have on there where he's being real. He said the worst is seeing OJ out on his golf cart and having a good time. Robin said that or dancing in a club. Howard said she's right. He said that he's out in a club with hot chicks. He said that he's out there while Nicole is with the worms.
Howard played a clip of OJ talking about his phone ringing after the Trump indictment. He said he got calls from both sides of the aisle. He said that he was upset when he was charged with stuff and he had to go to court. He said that he made it a point to honor those 12 Americans no matter what the outcome was. Howard said this guy is bragging about what a great guy he is. He said that he thinks he should get a Heisman trophy for handling the trials.
Howard did more of his impression of OJ and goofed on him. OJ said he thinks Trump will be in and out of there in 10 minutes. Howard said OJ follows him and JD on Twitter. JD said he only follows 50 people and they're two of them. Howard said maybe they should worry. He said that JD had better watch out when he goes to Las Vegas for Ronnie's wedding.
Howard played another OJ clip where he comments on the Gwyneth Paltrow trial. He wasn't able to say her last name the right way so Howard said he likes that. OJ was talking about his own experience at Deer Valley and how he and Nicole went skiing up there. Robin said he doesn't even mind telling old Nicole stories. Howard did more of his OJ impression where he had him talking about Nicole. OJ talked about having accidents on that same ski run that Paltrow did. He said he's not sure how you can determine whose fault it was. He said that he hit a woman on the same run twice. Howard said a lot of accidents seem to happen around OJ. OJ said that's just a part of skiing when you have accidents. He said he's not sure how you figure out whose fault it is.
Howard said thanks to Bobo for the call. He let him go and said OJ is a piece of work.
Howard said Atkins was 18 and Brooke was 14. He said these days that wouldn't happen. He said she's had an interesting life. He said they have that coming up tomorrow. He said he has a bunch to buzz through today. He said he has clips of JD visiting a bath house. He said that's crazy. He said he and Jon Blitt went together. He said he has Chris who wants to comment on gay porn. He said he has Oprah clips and a very unsexy sex podcast to talk about. He said he has fan feedback and some AVN awards clips.
Howard said he beat off this weekend after having sex too. He said that he was watching a lot of lesbian seduction porn. He said they put this stuff up for free but they abbreviate the clips. He said they cut out the seduction part unless you pay for it. He said he's not going to pay for that. He said he can't put his credit card out there for that.
Howard said he was watching a pretty good porn where this woman is a lesbian and she's dominant. He said she has a sex slave. He went through the whole plot of the movie and explained what this woman was doing. He went through the whole thing step by step. Howard said they ended up cutting the movie so you missed some of the action. He said they cut from one scene to this woman sitting on the other woman's face. He said he wanted to see the build up. He said he typed in ''seduced'' again and watched a photographer who was photographing another woman and touching her. He said that they cut that one too. He said you have to pay money to see the moment when they get seduced. Robin said you'd think they'd have you pay for the sex and not the build up.
Howard said this guy on the phone says he knows how to get around paying for porn and not having anyone find out. Howard took the call from Tom who said you buy a prepaid VISA card and use that. He said you can have a party and no one will know that it's your card.
Howard said it sounds like the old TV show Lucy where Lucille Ball had her own show and she would get an allowance to pay for stuff.
Howard said Jason was telling him that he's now paying for porn sites because of this. Jason said he is. He said that he noticed there were two porn companies he liked and he wanted the full story so he started paying for it. He said he feels like an idiot. He said he pays yearly. He said that it doesn't come up as a porn site on the credit card. He said it comes up as something that you don't know. Howard said he just feels like if he pays for porn it's over. He said it's like hitting rock bottom in life.
Robin said she hears that when you're married you talk about what you spend money on. She said that you'd have to explain this. Howard said he doesn't like thinking about Jason paying for porn. He said he doesn't want to think about him jerking off.
Howard said he wants the seduction to happen slowly. He said Benjy typed in ''slow seduction'' and he got slow adults. Robin said that's disgusting. Howard asked Jason what kind of porn he's jerking off to. Jason said he likes the incest thing like step mom stuff. He said that these movies he watches are like feature length. He said they're very cinematic. Howard said this is creepy and he doesn't want to hear from him again about that.
Howard said he likes the kind of porn where the guy asks the woman if she's ever been with a woman. He said she says no and the guy talks her into it.
Howard said Benjy keeps wiping his nose with his hand. He said get a tissue. Benjy got a sock and wiped his nose. Howard said get out of here. He asked why he has a sock there. Benjy said he just has stuff on his table. Howard said he doesn't want to talk to him. He said that's a major turn off. Benjy said he knows. He said he wasn't thinking about it in that way. Howard said he 's thinking about the back of his hand with snot on it. He said this is why he won't shake people's hands. Jason said imagine what else he has on his table. Howard said go watch your slow adult porn.
Gary said years ago he had weird charges on his credit card. He said that it turns out that one of the charges was from Scores. He said that he had to pretend that he didn't know what it was.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was just talking to her colleagues at work. Howard said that's very classy to call them that. He said that one of his colleagues just wiped his nose with the back of his hand.
The caller asked if he would have Tom Brady back on the show. Howard said he would. He said he heard he's thinking about getting back into football. He said he read he's dating Reese Witherspoon. He said he had a song about him that he sang and listen to this. Howard had Reese in the song. Howard said he's tapped in like Sal.
Howard said he always thinks that Tom should fuck hot chicks. He said when you're famous the perk is to get dates. He said he once went into a furniture store and a woman walked right up to him and she was a 10 or a 12. He said she asked him to call her. He said that he was so desirable and he just lost her number. He said that's looking the way he does. He said it's just being famous. Robin said it's about women being into success. She said they don't care about what you look like.
Howard said he still thinks he's crazy for not calling that girl. He said he admires her for coming right up to him and giving him her number. He said his buddy was with him and he was like ''Holy shit!'' He said he acted like that was normal. He said that woman probably looks like Ronnie now that she's older.
Howard said Tom Brady is still very good looking and famous. He said that even Reese Witherspoon doesn't seem right for him. He said she has a lot of money though. He said she's worth more than Tom at this point. Howard said he had a production company and he wasn't able to make a dime with it. He said he shut it down so fast. He said it was a pain in the ass. He said if someone gave him 900 million he'd take it. He said he'd sell his for $100 million. He said he's not sure how Reese figured it out but she has that new Daisy Jones and the Six show in her company. He said someone told him that she read some books and turned them into TV shows. Robin said she delved into a particular niche. She said they were women oriented stories. She said companies are into that right now. Howard said you lost him at reading.
Howard said he really has to take a break. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and said rest in peace David Crosby. He talked about how beautiful this song is. He said Graham Nash said they needed a great opening song and this is what David came up with. He said they got it done in 8 hours. He said this is the live version of the song. Howard said that is so beautiful. He said he just came in his jeans.
Howard said his wife has her friend from high school visiting. He said she slept over last night. Howard said Beth and her friend are spending girl time together. He said he painted all day yesterday. He said it was very relaxing. He said that he was on the phone with the kids and stuff. He said they were giving him updates. Robin said he sounds like Rain Man talking about his painting. Howard said he is like Rain Man.
Howard said he thought that Beth and her friend were going to stop by. He said he feels like Superman when that happens. He said his wife says it's exciting to watch him do his thing.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Joe Pesci. He was talking about how easy it is to get laid when you're famous. He said he's like the size of a garden gnome and he gets laid. Howard spent a few minutes talking to him about how he's been banging.
Howard closed the door on fake Joe... not soon enough. Howard said that was not the real Joe Pesci for those who were wondering.
Howard said he was saying that he had a pretty free day to himself. He said that they had dinner together last night and heard about their high school days. He said Beth and her friend had such a different life than him. Howard said he was sitting there thinking about how it was a whole different reality than what he had. Robin said it wasn't like a real one. Howard said they were talking about how they'd sneak out of their room to visit boyfriends. Howard said he didn't need to sneak out of his room. He said his parents didn't give a shit about him going out. He said no one hung with him.
Howard said Oprah has her friends over and she's really into hiking her properties. Robin said she got new knees. Howard said he knows that. He said he knew that already. Robin said that's where she heard that from. Howard said she loves to inspire people and she has this ''gratitude hike'' that she does. Howard played some clips of Oprah doing that with her friends. He said she does a 10 and a half mile hike. That's what she calls her gratitude hike.
Howard said he paints but he doesn't call it gratitude painting. He said he goes on walks every day but he doesn't have a name for that either. He said he just walks. He said he did a gratitude jerking off yesterday.
Howard said they used a bunch of these clips to call an internet radio show. He said this is Oprah on her gratitude hike calling a show. Howard played the call where they had Oprah clips call into the show. They had Oprah telling the hosts what she was doing and asked them to take a deep breath and look around. They hosts were following what she was suggesting they do. They went along with it and then Oprah said hello to a stray cat that turned out to be a mountain lion who attacked her but she used Gayle King as a human shield. Then she ate Gayle to hide the evidence.
Howard wondered if Oprah would use that Ozempic stuff. Robin said it did happen pretty quickly. She said that you just notice that your friend lost weight. Robin said she didn't do that and she told Howard what she was doing to lose weight.
Howard said he thinks that Gayle would let her eat her foot. He said he thinks Fred would do that for him too. He said he's that kind of friend.
Howard asked Sam how it went with her mom. He said he actually has some audio of her talking to her mom. Howard asked Sam what the feedback was. Sam said that she feels like she's still taking it all in. Howard said he has to read more of this. Sam said her mom still thinks she's a hot commodity. Howard read more of the feedback and people asked for more Kathy and Sam.
Howard said he heard that her mom was not happy about the dildo talk. Howard said Sam said that the dildo was filthy. Sam said she wasn't upset about that. She said he was pissed that she said it wasn't clean. Sam said she was not lying about that but her mom was not happy about it. Howard played a clip where Kathy said that was not right of her to talk about it being filthy like that. She said if it was dirty it was because of the thing itself. She said there was no way it was dirty. Sam was telling Kathy that it was dirty because she used it and didn't clean it.
Howard said her mom really turned things around on her. He said she was accusing her of using her dildo and things. Sam said that's disgusting. She said she would never use her mom's dildo. Howard said he believes her. He said he likes how her mom turned it around on her and blamed her for getting it dirty.
Howard said it's funny that her mom hid the dildo in a box in her closet. He said that's the first place kids will look for something. Sam said she wasn't looking for a sex toy. She said she was just looking through her stuff. She said it was very traumatic when she did find it. She said it had balls on it too. She said she has no memory of what she was even looking for.
Howard said he knows what she means. He said he'd go through his parents stuff. He said his dad had this desk he loved more than him. He said he'd get yelled at if he went near it. He did his impression of his dad yelling at him about staying away from his desk. He said his father would lecture him over and over again. He did the impression for a few minutes with his dad yelling at him about how he grew up poor. He said when his parents would leave the house he'd get right in there. He said he found some crazy porn in that desk. He said his whole perception of his father changed. He said he found his rubbers and stuff in there too. He said his father had books about sex that he'd read. He said they were horrible. He said it was weird shit. He said he had a gross of condoms in that desk too. He said he'd count how many there were to find out how often they were having sex. He doesn't remember how many it was.
Howard said he worried that his dad would find out he went through his stuff. He said he was traumatized by all of that.
Howard said he has all kinds of excuses or why he's an imbecile. He said people say he's a genius but he really isn't. He said he knows the truth about how he's an idiot. He said he wishes he had a better education. He said he got low SAT scores and he had no idea what was going on in school.
Howard said he blames his stupidity on his education. He said his school was perfect for him. He said it was such a bad school that he was almost a valedictorian. He said that they were reading ''Itsy Bitsy'' in 9th grade. He said that he was like a Rhode Scholar in that school. Howard said he looked like a genius there.
Howard said his mother came in as a substitute and told his mom what they were reading in school. He said she got upset about that and said she's getting him out of that class. He said that he didn't want her fucking his whole thing up. He said the class would go wild when he read Itsy Bitsy. He said his mom got him transferred into a real English class. He said that they were reading real books in that class.
Howard said when people say he's a genius on radio he just agrees with them. He said that he didn't go to a great school. He said he went to B.U. which was a school of basic studies. He said they had a special building for imbeciles there. He said that he didn't do well in high school. He said they let him into college and he did well there.
Sam asked if he did well in classes he was interested in. Howard said sure he did. He said he was a guy who smoked pot in his garage at home. He said it was a waste of time.
Howard said Sam and Kathy were big hits. He said that tons of guys want to date her mom now. Sam said she wants her mom to date and she doesn't want to have to take care of her. Howard said these guys aren't going to take care of her mom. He said he's pretty sure they just want to fuck her.
Howard read some notes they got from some guys who want to date Sam's mom. Sam said there were more and those were just a few.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Joe Pesci again. He was talking about what he'd do to Sam's mom if he got to bang her. Howard spent a minute with fake Joe.
Howard said that was not the real Joe Pesci for those who were wondering. No one would think that was Joe Pesci.
Howard said people were leaving them voice mails about Kathy. He played a clip of this guy Pauly who would call in when Henry Hill would come on the show. Howard played a clip of Pauly talking about how he was Henry's nemesis. He said he was listening and heard Sam's mom on the show and he's interested. He said he's 70 and in great shape. He gave them his number. Howard also played a clip of Henry Hill and Pauly going at each other on the show one day.
Howard answered another knock from fake Joe Pesci who was telling Sam what he'd like to do to her mother. Howard lasted another 30 seconds with him before closing the fake door on him.
Howard answered another knock on the door and it was fake Mel Gibson talking about what he'd do to her mom. Sam broke the news to him that her mom is a Jew so it may not work out. Howard closed the door on Mel a short time later.
Howard said Ass Napkin Ed has thrown his napkin into the ring too. Sam said she wants the Wack Pack away from her mother. She said that's not a line she wants to cross. Howard played Ed's message about taking Kathy out. He said he'd like to do some ass eating with her. He said they can do 69 and they can eat each other's asses out.
Howard said ass worms are something her mom could eat if she eats his ass. He did an impression of Ed talking about taking her down to the river.
Howard said Bigfoot is super into Sam's mom too. He said that update is coming tomorrow. He said Wolfie talked to him.
Howard said there's another Samantha who works at Sirius and she got some messages from fans. Howard read some of the messages they sent to that Samantha.
Howard said Jay and Roddy wrote a song about Sam's mom. He said everyone was on fire about her. He played the song. He said James Cargill wrote two songs. He played those as well.
Howard said there was a lot going on with Sam's mom. He said it's crazy. Howard answered another knock at the door and it was fake Steve Martin who said he'd love to lick her mother's little cunt and play the banjo. Howard said that was one too many knocks at the door. He answered another one which was fake Michael Caine. He wanted to go out with Kathy too.
Howard took a call from Michael Rapaport who said that he stopped shooting the Amy Schumer show to do this. He said that he loves the show and he's a long time fan. He said he hates being hung up on. Howard said he doesn't have the time. He said he just hangs up. Michael said he's not even calling about that today. He said he's calling about this Karen known as Samantha. He said that she ''besmudged'' his reputation. Howard said it's besmirched.
Howard said he entered a bachelor betting pool and he didn't pay. Sam said she can clear this up. She was about to explain but Howard read some of the feedback about him not paying up. Michael said he attempted to pay. Sam kept saying no he didn't. Michael said he stopped production on Amy Schumer's show to make this call. Sam said he's a great actor but that said he's a punk bitch for not paying into the fantasy league. She said that the only way to get through to him is to talk to him the way he talks to them.
Howard let Michael should know better and he should just pay up. Michael said he attempted to pay her but her Venmo sucks. Sam said everyone paid her. She said now has to threaten him to get him to pay attention.
Howard asked if Michael is a millionaire. Michael said he's doing just fine. He said he doesn't talk money. Michael kept talking about the Venmo and how he had issues with it. Howard said just send over cash or something. Michael said he'll make sure it's taken care of in the next 14 days. Sam said it was just 40 bucks. Michael said he has to move some things around. He said he has to liquidate a couple of things. Howard said he'll say goodbye now.
Sam said that they can't let him into anything anymore because he's not paying. Michael and Sam went at it for a few more seconds.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Trump was on telling Michael not to pay. He said he paid once and now he's indicted. He said that you never pay. Howard said he thought Trump had to get on a plane. Trump said this is more important.
Howard said Michael has to pay. He said just get the money over there today. Michael said he will get it done in 10-14 days. He said he promises. Howard asked how much it is that he owes. Sam said it's $80 because he never paid back in 2020. Michael said that didn't count. He said he'll give her the 40 but not the 80.
Gary said he can make this easy. He said he paid Jason through PayPal so pay him and he'll get it to Sam. Sam said she feels bad about this. She said Michael is the one who won't pay and that's very Karen of him.
Howard answered another knock at the door. It was fake Joe Pesci who was going off on Michael about not paying up. He was throwing out some nasty insults about Michael's looks.
Sam said she feels bad because she likes Michael. She said she is the messenger though. she said it's not her money. She said she's just the one who collects the money. She said that it feels weird taking money from someone who sounds like he's broke. Howard said this guy doesn't pay so stop putting him into the leagues. Michael said he's going to pay. He said he has to move around some money. He asked if he can have until Friday. Howard asked what the 80 dollars is tied up in. Michael said he has things going on and he doesn't like talking about it. He said he's going to pay. Howard said he has to go. He let Michael go after that.
Howard said High Pitch Erik wants to date her mom. He took his call and Erik asked Sam if that's okay. Sam said that's not okay with her. Howard let Erik go.
Howard said Benjy wants to date her too. He said that he wanted to date her sister too. Sam said she's not up for any of them. She said Erik is gay. She said she would take Ass Napkin over Bigfoot if she had to choose.
Howard asked Robin who she would pick out of all of them. Robin said she would take Erik because he'll just lay there and eat.
Howard said maybe one day they'll do a dating game with Kathy. Howard asked Sam why she won't let Benjy date her. Sam said she's stuck in a vortex with him right now. Benjy and Sam ended up talking about how Benjy was looking to date Sam's sister. Howard got distracted by him using his hand to wipe his face again. Howard asked if he has a condition. Benjy said he has saliva. Howard bailed on the conversation at that point. They played a song parody about Benjy to end that but Benjy and Sam kept talking about it. Howard cut Benjy off and said he believes him.
Derek said that you can see if other people are in your Peloton class. He said he saw that Benjy was in class and he watched him take a class without pedaling. He said he got messages from him about how he was beating him in class and he has to stay away from these instructors. He said that he gets semi-harassing messages from him about that. He said that they're funny but they do come off as harassing. He said he even has some voicemail messages. Howard asked if they have those.
Howard said Benjy seems to be doing bits off the air but not for the show. Derek read a message he got from Benjy over this instructor. Howard had a voicemail too. In that clip Benjy was going off on Derek about this instructor. Derek read more of the messages he got about the classes.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said he's so glad Robin chose him earlier. He said he's really into black women. Howard said he really has to go. He let Erik go a short time later.
Howard said he got a lot of messages about his song ''Metamucil Man'' so he read through some of that and played the song. He said it really is a good song. He said song writers always say you have to write about something you love. He said he loves Metamucil.
Howard said this song is such a hit that people are sending in covers of it. He said that hit is Jesse and Roddy who sent their cover in. He played the song.
Howard said a good song is a good song. He said you can put that on a t-shirt. Howard said Michael Rapaport has just sent Jason $14 on PayPal. He said he has a financial situation so he can't pay the full $40.
Howard said their writer Jon Blitt likes to have adventures with JD. He said that he's up for everything and JD is up for nothing. He asked if JD likes Jon. JD said he doesn't hate him. He said he is fun and a good guy but there's also the devilish side that gets kind of hard to deal with. He said there is a side of him that likes to get out of his comfort zone. He said this is one of the things he doesn't enjoy.
Howard said Jon too JD to a bath house there in the city. He said they offer several spa treatments. He said they have saunas and things like that. He said that they say sweating it out is the way to go. Howard said Jon thought that it would be comedy because JD hates the water.
Howard said JD almost drowned in a 2 foot deep pool after going down a slide. Howard asked if that's why Jon wanted to do this. Jon said he thought this would be good for his body and mind. Howard said Jon didn't tell JD where he was taking him. Jon said he did not. JD said he does not like surprises at all.
Howard played some clips of Jon giving JD a hard time about what to bring with him to this surprise visit. JD was not happy when he found out where they were going. Robin said she has been to these places and you can't believe how hot they are. Howard had some audio of JD talking about how hot it was in there. He said he can't handle this. Jon told him to just relax and get into it.
Jon said this was good for JD. JD said he felt like his skin was going to come off. Howard said Jon had JD wear some kind of Banya hat. Jon said it looks like a bucket. Howard said JD was miserable at this point. JD said he was miserable walking up the steps there.
Howard said after the hot room they went to a treatment where a message specialist hits your body with a bundle of leaves and twigs. Robin said she was going to ask about that. Howard said this must have relaxed JD because he talked about the first time he organized. He played a clip of JD talking about that and how he got a hold of some condoms and he wanted to see how it would work so he tried it out with a condom on. He said it was a crazy sensation and it just happened when he put it on.
Howard said he could hear the leaves hitting him. Robin said he was just speaking in a clear way when he was getting hit with the leaves.
JD said he kept his shirt on for that. He said he knew he'd get beat up. He said Blitt did it and that's exactly what happened to him. Blitt said that they stayed in the hot room for 20 minutes and talked about the Real Housewives and JD never even mentioned the heat.
Howard said they went to the rooftop terrace and had some food up there. He said JD enjoyed the Russian food except for one thing. He said that was too dry for him. He said Blitt was going to go get the chef for him to complain about it. Howard played a clip of JD talking about the dry Kasha. Jon asked someone to get the chef. JD said stop. He said don't get the chef. He said that he told Blitt to stop. Jon said he was asking one of the video team to get the chef. He said it wasn't the waiter.
Howard said Blitt has an amazing mind. He said he has a way with JD to get him to do stuff. He said he gets him freaked out. He said the most famous one is the airplane where he proposed to him. He asked if they come to him spontaneously. Jon said some do.
Howard said JD was tortured by this entire thing. He said he has a montage of JD's reactions throughout the day. He played that montage of JD freaking out about all of this stuff.
Howard asked what Jon has in mind for the next adventure. Jon said he may take JD live stone crabbing. JD said he doesn't even know what that is. Jon said he has taken JD out to some nice restaurants. He said he's a great dinner date. He said he talks and has things to say. He said he got pranked himself this weekend. He said he was in Nashville and he got a text from his girlfriend and she said she was getting a biopsy and she's know the results soon. He said he had to fly home to be with her. He said he got home and she told him that it was April Fools. Howard said that's not a prank. He said that's not witty. He said don't marry that woman.
Howard said Jon has to take JD to the front line of Ukraine to get his freak out there. He said that's April Fools. He said maybe take him Scuba diving. JD said he can't swim. Howard said so what. He said he has a tank and doesn't need to swim.
Howard they have to find something for JD to do like snake charming or something like that. They were throwing out all kinds of ideas for him.
Jon said he had JD out to dinner and they had some fans there that recognized him. Jon said they interviewed JD for like a half hour. JD said they had him on Facetime with their dad.
Howard asked if Jon pranked JD at all while they were out. Jon said he told some people about what JD was doing out and how he was going to meet his real son who he gave up for adoption 15 years ago.
Howard said JD had a final take on the bath house experience. Howard played a clip of Jon and JD talking about it. JD said he will never do this again. Jon said he has to do it just once a year. Howard said JD was wearing two right foot slippers at the bath house. JD said he was. He said they had them all tucked into a cubby hole and he just grabbed two. He said it was two right footed ones.
Howard said there it is. He said that was JD's big adventure. Howard asked if there were any women there. JD said there were some employees there who were attractive. Jon said he took Jason there once too. Howard said thanks for the update. Jon said maybe they can take Robin there next time. Robin said she's been to one before. She said that she felt like she was kidnapped there. She said she was locked in a room there and the owner didn't let her leave. She said that this guy wanted to show her how it's done and that's when he took her through the whole thing and took her out to the ocean and ran into it. She said she can't swim and he ran her into the deep ocean. She said then he brought her back and to his family and the wife had to show her something. she said she was thrown into a closet and they had a Jesus on a cross bleeding. She said she had no idea how to get out. She said they let her out and took her to breakfast and had her drinking alcohol. Howard said she should be honored that they went out of their way to show her this. Robin said she has never been back since.
Howard wrapped up the show around 10:20am.
Howard said Robin is the voice of reason. He said he'll think a girl is interesting and Robin will have to snap him out of it. He said pussy is like his Kryptonite.
Howard said when a woman lets him inside them it's the best. He said it's insane that a woman wants him inside them. He said it's a dangerous drug.
Howard said he's reading Paul Stanley's book and he had a lot of pussy. He said he wrote about how he'd go through like 4 or 5 women a day. He said he was born with a defective ear and kids would make fun of him. He said then he got famous and women were waiting for him. He said he'd just fuck. He said as long as you're in a band you get to fuck. He said for a guy who wasn't accepted it's the greatest drug of all. He said that was Paul's drug. He said that he finds himself weak around pussy. He said Robin has had to walk away. He said he resents her because she saw a pussy addict and she just walked away.
Robin said he had to ween himself. She said she can't save him. She said she's tell him what those conversations were really like. Howard said she was a buzz kill. He said he can't take her to a strip club. Robin said she had to talk him down from a woman he was dating. She said he was going to go anyway. Howard said he doesn't remember that. He said he's not listening to her about that stuff.
Howard said pussy is awesome, pussy is the greatest. He said Mark the Bagger is right about that. He said he's a genius.
Howard said everything is so strange to him. He said he's watching this Trump stuff and they're saying this may help him in the 2024 election. He said it's very strange. He said they're talking about putting him in jail. Robin said she has to give Hannity some props. She said that no one can pull off what he does better than him. She said they're talking about this gag order and how they can't believe they're going to take away his first amendment rights. Howard said it's a weird world we live in. He said there's all of this stuff from FOX News hosts who hate Trump but they go on air and talk about how great he is. He said it's all so weird.
Howard said if Trump had just paid her with his own check and said he paid her not to talk to the media then his fans wouldn't care. Howard said it was all ego. He said he didn't want anyone to know he fucked her.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Joe Pesci. He said he eats pussy like Popeye eats spinach. Howard spent a short time with fake Joe talking about pussy.
Howard said Joe proved his point there. He said pussy just makes you stupid. Howard said imagine how many hours you could save if you didn't have pussy around. Joe said he would have won a Nobel peace prize. Howard let him go a short time later.
Robin said she just read that Rupert Murdoch is engaged again. Howard said he's like 96. He said it might be a good time to settle down.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he was watching some TV and he got blocked by Chris Wilding. Howard said he thinks he's saying that he got blocked by Chris. Howard said everyone seems clear on most other shows but on this show he doesn't get it. He said he has a hard time understanding.
Howard asked the caller if he's ever been told it's hard to understand him. He asked him to repeat what he was saying. The caller said he was posting about 90 Day Fiancee and his wife was on that show. He said he mentioned it to Chris and now he's blocked. He was wondering what the problem is.
Howard asked Chris what's going on here. Chris said he has no idea. He said he blocks a lot of people. He said he may have said something weird so he blocked him. He said he doesn't know who this guy is.
Howard said he really doesn't care about this. He took another call from a guy who asked how his mom is doing. Howard said something weird happened. He said his mom had to go to the hospital. He said she has issues with her eyes. He said she went to the eye doctor. He said he hates it when people touch their eyes. He said it drives him nuts. He said his mom called and said she had to go to the eye doctor. He said he had to give her a pep talk about going. He said she was complaining about this and asked him to pray for him. He said she does this whenever she has to go to the doctor. He did his impression of her asking him to pray.
Howard said his brother in law Pete goes with her to these appointments. He said she can walk but she thinks she can't. He said she needs help. He said she carries on about it all. He said she says it's all very difficult for her.
Howard said it's a whole build up to this. He said Pete tries to get her outside. He said he'll take her out to eat or something. He said she doesn't want to go. He said she wants to go home.
Howard said the eye doctor said that nothing has deteriorated. He said that was good news. He said his mom wanted to go to Bagel Boss after that to celebrate. He said she hasn't been out in 3 years. He said now she went to Bagel Boss. He said he has like 50 shots of his mom out eating a bagel. The caller said he should post it. Howard said he'd never do that.
Robin said it sounds like she had an appetite. He said everyone there knows her from going there before. He said she hasn't been in 3 years. He said everyone was coming over and saying hi to her. He said it's kind of weird. He said he's working on her to go to his daughter's wedding now. He said Ashley is working on her too. He did an impression of her talking about all of that.
Howard said he told his mom that they'll wrap her up and she can just sit there at the wedding. He said the ceremony is outside. He said she just has to go to the ceremony and not the dinner and all of that. He said she says she's not going.
Howard said his mother loses her hot water over there where she lives. He said he knows they have to do work on that stuff there. He said he called over there and got an answer. He said he has texts from the guy. He looked them up and read what they were saying about the hot water. Howard said the guy said they were on it whatever it was. He said his mom wants answers though.
Robin said maybe they have to turn the water on earlier. Howard said no. He said his mom will tell him that for all the money he's paying they should have hot water. Howard said he doesn't have a lot of options for her. He said this place is top notch. He said she has criticisms for it though.
Howard said he asked his mom to come down to Florida to hang out with them. He said that would be a disaster. He said she's happy where she is. He said she has everything at her fingertips. Robin said she's very regimented so she can't go down there.
Howard said he started out in Roosevelt Long Island and it's so filled with crime there. He said his parents refused to move. He said all the white families left. He said they didn't want to be chased out of there. He said once they're planted they don't want to leave.
Howard said he got a call from his parents one day and they wanted to stay in the house even though they weren't able to go up and down the stairs. He said that he had to get them out of there and get them help but they didn't want to leave. He said the neighbor calls and tells him that his mom was laying in the bushes for like an hour. He said she fell on her back and she wasn't able to get up. He said that's when he had to get them out of that house. He said they kept it a secret from him.
Howard said he asked his mom about the bushes thing and she said that never happened. He said his dad said she was fine. Robin said they were great story tellers.
Howard said he had to get his dad's car taken away. He said they went over to his house and stole his distributor cap. He said his father called complaining that his car didn't work. He said they had to have it towed out of there. He said his dad knew he broke it.
Howard said his dad didn't get his car back. He said he had to get him to stop driving. He said he was dangerous out on the road. The caller thanked him for sharing this. Howard said he asked so he's telling him.
Howard said he brought his dad to this home and it's really nice. He said his sister said she'd live there. He said he brought his dad in here and there were people in the elevator. He said he complained about how old the people there were. Howard said he was ancient himself. He said that he told him to just give it a try. He said he told them to think of it like a vacation. He said he kept their house for a while and then sold it once they were settled in there. He said his father said he could use that money to pay for that place now. He said they sold that house and it lasted 2 years. He said that money was gone. He said he was back to paying for them again. He said they burn through money real quick for people who have simple needs.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows that he's an MSNBC fan and they have the hottest news anchors now. He said FOX used to have them. He said the women are kind of hot there. Howard said FOX News used to have hot chicks. He said you'd watch and beat off. He said then the sexual harassment stuff came out and now they hire ''not so hot chicks.'' He said women would get older and they'd just disappear from the channel. He said now they're all involved in lawsuits and all of that.
Howard said sometimes he watches Wheel of Fortune and they must have wanted to fire Vanna White but they can't do it. Robin said she was so identified with that show. Howard said it's a double standard. He said when it's the hot chick that's different than the host. He said he wonders if the producers wanted to get rid of her but they can't because they'd end up like FOX News being sued.
Howard said MSNBC does have some very good looking women. He said they're not that hot but you still want to fuck them.
The caller had a top 5 list. He said ran through his list and said he thinks Nicole Wallace is up there. Howard said she has worked on her look. Robin said you can tell when they work on their look. She said they come in and their whole look has changed.
Howard said from what he can tell she has something there. He said she's always with the hair and stuff. He said she's always working hard on looking hot.
Howard said JD has opinions on all of this. He put him on with the caller who was still going through his list. He mentioned Mika and Jen Psaki. He said he thinks that Stephanie Ruhle is at number 1. JD said he thinks Katy Tur would be up there. He ran through some others. Howard asked about Jen. JD said he's not too into her. JD said Stephanie is up there with Katy though. He said he thinks she'd be fun.
Howard said that's a good report. He took a call from Ralph who had some thoughts on all of this too. Ralph said the hottest one is Stephanie Ruhle. He said she looks fun and she's a dirty girl. Howard asked if he thinks she'd let him tie her up. Ralph said yes. He said he thinks she'd get loaded and a third might be involved. He said she's on late night too. He said you know she's up late.
JD said he thinks Katy is more attractive but Stephanie might be more fun. Howard asked if the guys think that she'd do something with them if they were dating her and they showed up right before air time. He came up with a whole scenario for them to think about. Howard asked if they think she would go for it and do something right before air time. JD said he thinks she would think it's hot to do something like that before the show. Ralph said he thinks he's right. He said she would initiate. He said he guarantees that she'd be fun.
Howard asked JD if he thinks she shaves that thing fully. JD laughed and said he thinks it's trimmed. Ralph said Howard asks good questions. He said he thinks she's fully shaved. Howard said he has some information. He read that her Instagram Bio says she's a ''dance machine.'' Ralph said that means she's a fuck machine. Howard said there you go.
Robin said she used to think that these news anchors were all very straight laced but you read about them in books and realize they're wild.
Howard said Stephanie Ruhle follows the show's Instagram. He said that means she might be wild. He asked JD if he was with this woman and he was fucking her and then he starts eating her ass. He asked if she thinks that she tells him to back off or is she into it. JD said he thinks she's into it. Ralph said he thinks JD is hitting this off the board. He said he's right about it all.
Howard said when it comes to evaluating women he's very good at it. He said he came to him once and told him that this woman he was dating was a dirty girl and it bothered him so much. He said he could only think about what Ralph said to him. He said it totally fucked up the relationship. He said he ruined it all. He said she was lovely.
Ralph said he's not saying that she's dirty stinky but she's a party girl. He said that's the kind of dirty girl he's talking about. Howard said dirty girl means a lot of things to Ralph. Ralph said he's right about that.
Howard said he just read that Stephanie is married and she has kids. He answered a knock at the door and it was fake Joe Pesci again. He was talking about what he would do to these women if he was dating them. He was talking about eating them out at dinner and things like that.
Ralph said he has some complaints about the MSNBC anchors. He said one of the women has a weird tooth thing going on. He said she has to get that fixed. He said that Nicole Wallace has vocal fry. He complained about her saying ''my favorite people'' a lot. Howard said that's enough with this. He said try to watch the news without being so sexual.
Howard said Brooke Shields is going to stop by around 9 today. He said she has had some life. He said if he were her he'd be crumpled in a corner and on the phone with a therapist. Robin said she did a lot of movies that were very good. She said she did that movie Endless Love. Howard said Blue Lagoon she did when she was just 14. Robin said that guy was 18. Howard said the whole thing is weird. He said they'll talk to her about her documentary. He said that Allie Wentworth and George Stephanopoulos produced it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she has had all of her vaccines and never went anywhere and she's very healthy. She said she got her hair done and she got COVID. She said it was bad. Howard said she didn't wear a mask there. She said she did not. She said here she is in bed. Howard said it's like a bad cold. The caller said it's really bad. She said she won't take Paxlovid. Howard said he would. She said she won't take it because of the side effects. She said she's working through it.
The caller said that her husband got it too. She said he didn't have the last vaccine. Robin asked why she didn't quarantine. The caller said she did. She said she's in a room by herself there.
Howard said he has to get out. He said everyone is going out. The caller said she's worried that her puppies are going to get it too. Howard said that's fucked up. He said he has to hang up because he's getting paranoid listening to her.
Howard said they're all over the news with Trump. Fake Trump said that they were tracking every move he was making. Howard said he's imagining that he's got a bank of televisions thinking about how great this is. Trump said they have shots of him all over the place. He said it's the best thing ever. Howard said in the old days this would stop someone from running for office. Trump said he's proud to be under indictment. Howard asked how it feels to be home. Trump said he already misses Mar-A-Lago. He said New York is now a toilet for homeless people. He said he saw an Asian person on the street and they have their own part of town but they were walking out of that area.
Howard said in a couple of hours he's going to be arraigned. Trump said this is a disgrace. He said it's the worst day since 9/11. He said this is much worse.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to fake Trump about the case and what's going to happen.
Howard asked fake Trump about this arraignment and how he's going to have a big speech after. Trump said he's working on that speech. He said he's going to compare himself to Jesus. Howard said they're worried that there are going to be riots like there was on January 6th. Trump said don't come in and break into the courthouse to rescue him. He said don't bring mace or anything that would slow down the cops. Howard said it sounds like he just committed a crime right there.
Robin said there won't be any video cameras in the court room. She said Trump must be upset about that.
Howard let Trump say a few words before he wrapped up. Trump said that the jury is stacked with liberals. He suggested that people send him money. He said that he's a billionaire but he doesn't like to spend his own money. He said he'd rather spend your money. Howard wrapped up with him and let him go.
Howard said he has to take a break. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and talked about what a great band that is. He said that's Rivers something. Gary said it's Cuomo. Howard asked if he was the governor. Howard had some details about the song and said it's a pretty inventive song. He said he's singing about Beverly Hills. Someone cut the song off. Howard said some things are out of control. They turned the song back on. He said Beverly Hills really is pretty cool. He said he's been to some houses out there.
Robin said she would have to have some substance. Howard said he had some good times out there. Robin said he was trying to get laid. Howard said he was with his wife. He said they went to some nice dinner parties. He said he would live there if he lived in California.
Robin said the things they show you in gives doesn't really exist. She said you've never seen a bar like Cheers in real life. Howard said Robin doesn't want him moving to Beverly Hills. Robin said he can go but he will be lost. Howard said he's not going there. He said she's convinced him. He said he thinks he would like it out there though. He said he's very shallow.
The guys played some quotes from Robin and Robin didn't remember ever saying them. Robin was saying that having a fabulous time every time doesn't exist.
Howard said a lot of people wrote in about yesterday's show. He said that the number 1 topic was Samantha's mom. He said they were talking to her about her mom and a lot of people were excited about that. He said they are enamored with her mom Kathy. Howard said everyone wants to see them put together a dating game for her. Howard read through some of that feedback.
Howard said the creepy messages from fans haven't stopped. He read through some of the stuff they've gotten from guys about Kathy. Howard said one guy had to pull over from getting all charged up.
Howard said Ass Napkin Ed and High Pitch Erik aren't the only Wack Packers interested in dating Kathy. Howard said Bigfoot is interested now. He said that Sam should come on to hear this. Sam listened in as Bigfoot was asking Kathy to go out with him. He said he'll wine and dine her and he has some money stashed. He said he knows that's what turns the ladies on. He said he'll put his 9 and half inch cock into her. He was talking about getting both Sam and her mom together. He was trying to say they'd have a ''menage a trois'' but it didn't come out like that.
Howard said Sam called her mom and asked what she thought about the Wack Pack coming on to her. Howard played a clip of Sam talking to Kathy about that. She said it's fucking disgusting and they're all disgusting. She said she would obviously never pick any of them but Bigfoot is the one that hit her. She said she figured it would be him. She said she'd be okay if he killed her though. She said High Pitch Erik can't get it up but it's just gross thinking about it.
Howard said Kathy is open to them having a dating game for her. He played a clip of her talking to Sam about that. She said she's up for the dating game if it's a serious thing. She said she's not looking to date a Wack Packer.
Howard said Kathy has inspired more new music. He had a new song parody about her that he played. He said Sam's mom is a muse for creeps. He said Jay and Roddy put together a song too. He played that. The song was about Kathy's dirty dildo. Sam said it wasn't dirty, it was just used. She said she guesses that's dirty though. Howard said it's crazy how worked up the guys are over her mom. Sam said she knows. Robin said it doesn't take much to work guys up.
Howard played another song parody about Kathy. Sam said Howard loves watching her listen to these songs over and over. Howard answered a knock at the door and it as fake Joe Pesci and fake Robert De Niro. They were both talking about what they'd do to Kathy. Howard closed the door on the two pretty quick.
Sam said her mom just sent a text message. She said that she said she thought about the Wack Packers and she said she'd have to go with Fred if she had to pick someone on the staff. Howard said Fred always steals the thunder there. Sam said her mom had a weird thing happen to her. she was looking up a recipe and a video of someone getting fucked popped on the screen and she had to talk to tech support about getting it off of her computer. She said she thinks that she may have been watching porn and didn't want to admit it. Howard said he's with her on that.
Howard said the fans liked Jon and JD going to the bath house. He read through some of that feedback.
Howard said he's not that into the awards shows. He said he's into porn but not these award shows. He said he's not a viewer. He said he knows the guy who started the whole thing but he's frustrated by the whole thing. JD said that they do show clips but they're edited.
Howard asked JD for the report. JD said there's an In Memorium at the show and they start the show with that. He said it's kind if funny because some of the people's names are their porn names. He said it's kind of funny.
Howard said this is the In Memorium. He played a clip of the names being read. They had some unusual names in there. He said that Raven Alexis was in there and she's the one who rode the Sybian. JD said that's right. Howard heard more of the names and laughed at some of them. He made up some of his own. He said there are some wild names in porn.
JD said some of the speeches are funny. He had a clip for Howard to play where this woman gave a speech for winning MILF of the Year. That was Cherry Deville. JD had some of her work that he pulled for Howard to play. Howard played that clip and asked how old she is. JD said he thinks she's in her 30s. Howard said she's like the Meryl Streep of the porn industry. JD said she's actually 44 years old.
Howard said you never hear women like this in real life. He said she's asking for what she wants. He said he thinks that this is what Trump wanted to hear so that's why he was with Stormy Daniels. He said she won't even do that for you though. He said that's not what they do. At one point Cherry was asking for the guy to get it nice and deep for her. Howard said he's never heard that from anyone. He said Beth has shushed him during sex before. He said he'll try to talk sexy and she tells him to shut up.
Howard said he once had a woman tell him she liked it when he talked dirty in her ear. He said he thinks she hated it. Howard played more of the Cherry porn clip. She was getting pounded.
Howard asked what else JD has. JD said they give out some awards off stage. He said some of the categories are ridiculous. Howard played a clip and they were talking about Clever Title of the Year and things like that. Howard heard one thing about the 8th Anal Savage film so that blew him away that they have that many. He said there's a lot of anal talk but he's not a fan of that. He played more of the weird awards.
Howard said there's a best foursome / orgy scene. JD said he wanted to see if he could count the names for this one scene. Howard played the clip and the list of names went on and on. Howard said the announcer isn't bad. He said he has a very professional sound. He wondered what that guy does for a living. He said you'd think they'd have to come to someone like him for that. Howard played more of the clip and the names were going on and on for the best foursome / orgy scene.
Howard said he has to get to Brooke Shields so he has to move this along. JD said he has a game to play. He asked Howard to guess if these titles of movies were real or not. Howard went through them with JD and found out some of the wacky names were real.
JD if there's a movie named Top Cum. Howard said he's not sure. JD said that's fake. JD asked if ''Gyno What You Did Last Summer.'' Howard said that has to be real. JD said he's right. He played a clip from the movie.
Howard said he really has to go. He said he has to switch his brain for Brooke Shields. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and sang along with the Bad Company song. He introduced Brooke Shields who has a documentary out called Pretty Baby. He said it was shocking to watch. He said it's been quite a life. Brooke thanked him for having her on. She said it's her first time. Robin said hi but Brooke was wondering where Fred was. Howard said he's hiding.
Howard said Brooke was on Letterman once and she said she was given an allowance as a kid. She said in college she got like $12 a week. He said that she's actually been bankrupted. Howard said she has made a ton of money and her mom saved nothing. Brooke said her mom bought real estate. She said they had like 7 properties around the country. She said they would go to a place and her mom would buy a house.
Howard said there are laws about your mom taking your money. He said she can't just do it without her. Brooke said she said yes to everything. She said they were buying a life. She said she worked and they got stuff. She said they got a car. She said it was transactional. She said it wasn't like the Jackie Cougan law applied to her. She said she was from New York. Howard said that law was about a child who lost all of his money to his parents.
Howard asked when she realized there was no money. Brooke said right before she met her ex husband. She said she wasn't working at the time. She said in her later years she had no capital. She said that it was before the shows she did and before Broadway. She said she was doing shitty commercials in Japan. She said that she had to sell off properties to pay for stuff.
Howard said he feels bad for someone who has to support their mother like that. He said no child should have that. Brooke said she didn't know anything different. She said her first paycheck was when she was 11 months old. She said she didn't want for anything. She said she resented that her mom didn't set something up for her. She said that she did put her forth so blatantly. She said she never questioned her love. She said she has a step sister who traveled with her everywhere. She said she didn't think her mother loved her. She said she'll never not be thankful for her mom. She said she was loved and it's a weird thing. Howard said he relates to her about this. He said he knows she's been in therapy a long time. He said you can't see them as the bad person in your life. Brooke said that when you see them broken then you see that. She said that her mother thought she was doing the right thing.
Howard said it's amazing that her mother looked at her and thought she was a star from the start. He said she was born and she knew she was a work of art. Howard said she was able to look at her and see her monetary worth. Brooke said she slept with her strapped to her chest because she was so afraid that she was going to die. Brooke said her mom had a child that died in the first 48 hours and she was afraid of that happening again.
Howard said this is a woman who wanted her to be alive so bad but then she puts her in a movie with a 28 year old and she's only 11. He said that she was making out with a 28 year old. Brooke said she did hand her over to this French guy and she thought things would be fine. Howard said it's an art film. He said it's crazy.
Howard said he learned about this guy who wrote to her in college and she would send out a form letter to these guys that said she's not available. He said that this guy had a glove compartment full of those letters. He said that was a thing. Brooke said her mom had to hire someone to read the fan mail and she was separate the nuts. She said that they had stalkers and guys who wanted to date her. She said there were sweet kids too. She said this woman was able to go through all of that stuff. She said she thought that you can't ignore these people. She said it was a huge pressure.
Howard asked if Brooke ever had a fear of damaging her face. He said that her face was the most important thing. He asked what kind of paranoia she had. Brooke said she didn't look at herself in the mirror. She said it felt arrogant and weird. She said that she didn't see herself like other people saw her. She said she didn't want to look at herself. She said she would kick herself apart. She said she would try to do funny faces to counteract that beauty. She said it makes you an alien to yourself.
Howard said it's such a weird trip she was on. Brooke said she was alienated from humanity. She said it felt unmerited to her. She said it had nothing to do with her brain or her talent. she said it was vapid to her.
Howard asked if she was so powerful around men that they wanted to fuck her. Brooke said she was so detached. She said it was on another level. Howard asked when she knew that men were turned on by her. Brooke said it wasn't until she was in her 20s. She said she was a virgin until she was 22. She said she was so cut off and it was just easier. She said it was like psychosis in a way. She said she separated her personalities and put on what she had to put on to do things. She said she'd do her homework and she'd be so organized and neat. She said she did that so she wouldn't be in touch with her sexuality.
Howard asked if women were jealous of her beauty. He said he'd just want them to like her. She said she beat them to the punch. She said people would leave her alone and so much that she'd have to sit with the teachers. She said she tried out for the cheerleading team and she studied and she was a clown. She said she made fun of herself. She said she was able to show the class what she had to do and they saw that she had a lot of work to do. She said that they saw how hard it was.
Howard asked if her mom created a cult like world for her. Brooke said that her mom would bring her friends to things with her. She said that her step sister was introduced as her sister and people would tell her they look alike. She said they looked nothing alike. Howard said her mother is very confusing. He said she'd be so protective in a way but then she'd set her up to take nude photos at the age of 10. Brooke said that she was just 9.
Howard said she sued this guy who took the pictures. He said they made her look like an adult. Brooke said the guy waited until she was famous to do that. Howard said if you went to court now they wouldn't let the guy release it. He said back then they just said fuck you. He said they put out a whole book. Brooke said she lost that case. She said the prosecuting attorney was making lewd gestures to her. She said that no one saw it. She said he'd lick his lips and say things to her in a creepy way. She said she was just 9 years old. She said it was her and Yasmine Bleeth and people like that. She said they were little kids. She said she got the bathtub assignment. She said she didn't have a budding sexuality. She said it was embarrassing when that all came out.
Howard said that's why her mom is so confusing. He said she's protecting her in some cases but then she does stuff like that. Brooke said her mom had crazy justifications for things. She said she believed that as long as she was in her life and keeping her safe that she was sparing her. She said she believed her own thing. She said her mom didn't know how to swim but she taught her how to swim. She said she died never knowing how to swim. She said that's the way she lived her life.
Brooke said her mom had dementia and she was cooking in a ceramic bowl. She said that her husband told her she may not want to do that and she said ''fuck the middle man.''
Howard asked what happened with her mom. Brooke said she went away pretty quickly. She said she didn't get a chance to talk to her the way she would have wanted to. She said that she thinks she started dying when she left her. She said her mom never wanted to be in mesh with her. She said that it's nothing like it is in the movies. She said she texted him about his father. She said she wanted to be there for her father but he died 3 weeks before her first daughter was born. She said she wasn't in the room with him and she missed the whole thing. She said she was sitting with her mother and she was gasping and it was horrific to look at. She said that's the way she left the world.
Howard said you think you missed something with your mother. He said he saw his father in his last days. He said he got to say goodbye but it's not like you think it's going to be. Brooke said there's nothing pretty about it. She said she romanticizes about it and it was a less than ideal moment.
Brooke said it was a very difficult thing for her when she took all of her stuff back from her mom. She said they went for a couple of months not talking. She said that she just wanted to assert who she was and find out who she was on her own. She said she was getting married at the time. She said that was another thing. She said she wanted her at the wedding and all of that.
Howard said she could write a whole other book about the guys who have hit on her. He said she's very honest in the documentary. He said she must have had an avalanche of men hitting on her.
Howard said when it comes out that she was a virgin then everyone wants to take her virginity. Brooke said there's the other side of that and then you're even more on a pedestal. Howard said you can't give up the virginity because everyone knows it. He said you can't just give it up to any guy. Brooke said the upsetting part about that is that you pray for that with your daughter. She said you want them to fall in love.
Howard asked how it came out that it was Dean Cain who broke the news. Howard asked if she wrote that. Brooke said she did. She said she was so madly in love with him. Howard asked what it was that made her do that. Brooke said it was years later. She said it was before the current incarnation of Dean was around. Howard said she means he's Trumpy now. Howard said speaking of Trump he wanted to date her too. Brooke said he said that the people would love that. She said that she did a charity for some people at one of his hotels. She said she knew him and Ivanna. She said after Marla Maples was gone from his life he found her on the set of some movie she was doing. She said that he said it would be good for her career right now. He said that he thought it made a lot of sense.
Howard said that's a weird proposal. He said it's weird to do that to a woman. He asked how she responded to that. Brooke said the proposal part of it you have to scramble to get out of it. She said when he said the people would love it she thought about how they were his people. She said she told him she appreciated it but she has a boyfriend and that would not go over very well. She said she didn't have a boyfriend at the time so that was a lie. Howard asked if Trump just went on his way after that. Brooke said he did but he thought she was missing out on an opportunity.
Howard asked if she has a long list of men who weren't able to control themselves around her. Brooke said there are so many. Howard asked about JFK Jr. and what her mom said about that. She said she was like 3 and her mom said that was the guy she was going to marry. She said she actually met him in Aspen once. She said she was there for a wedding. She said she was maybe 20 or 21 at the time. She said she wasn't able to see straight. Howard asked Brooke how it went with JFK. She said that she went skiing with him and she had no ski experience. Howard said she was there where she could have hit it off. She said they did go out. She said she went out with the family and he kept saying that she looked like his mother. she said she didn't know how to feel about that. She said they went on a date and she didn't sleep with him. She said she kind of loved him too much. She said she just wanted to be his girlfriend.
Howard said he gets the feeling that she could have had any man she wanted. He said no man would have turned her down. Brooke said she didn't ask. She said John-John was different. Howard said they go on a date and where do they go. Brooke said they went out to a bar/pub with the family. She said that Teddy was a friend of hers. She said this was young Ted. She said that John asked her if she wanted to get out of there. She said yes and they went out in a cab. She said they went to a chalet hotel he was in and he kissed her. She said the kiss was the best kiss she'd ever had in her life. She said he was down to earth and funny. She said he was everything.
Howard asked if she really turned him down after the best kiss of her life. Brooke said she thinks she was still a virgin. Then she said that's not right. She said she messed up her dates. She said she had to be like 24. She said that they were moving fast and she didn't want to do it with him. She said she didn't want to get hurt. She said if she slept with him she would have been giving him her heart and everything. Howard asked if he ever called her back. Brooke said that she had to get a cab home. She said it was not very chivalrous of him. She said she saw him on the slope the next day and he didn't even look at her or talk to her. She said on one hand she was upset but on the other she wasn't. SHE said that showed his true colors. She said they got snowed in and got stuck with him and her mother. She said he still didn't talk to her. Howard said he was angry at her for not giving him the prize. He said she was right. He said he was entitled and he was a Kennedy. He said it's so weird.
Brooke said she knew enough about herself that she knew she couldn't handle it. Howard said she's so with it. He said she knew to protect herself. He said based on what she had happen to her she did the right thing. He said she was able to keep her head about her. Brooke said she thinks that part of that was having to take care of her mom. She said she's so glad there was no social media. she said she was never protected. She said that the people you think would look after you weren't there for her. Howard said her mother and father weren't looking after her well being. Brooke said there were moments. Howard said it's a mind fuck when that happens.
Howard said she was a gorgeous little girl. He said she was polite and they didn't love her for who she was. He said it was all transactional. He said there are a lot of questions in that movie.
Howard said he's angry that her father didn't step in and do something. He said that he knew what was going on and he should have stepped in. Brooke said that he may have been afraid of her mom. She said that his purpose was to pay for her schooling. She said when you see those old interviews you see that no one wanted her opinion and she had to stand up for her mom. Howard said that was all so heart breaking.
Howard said this documentary is on Hulu and it's called Pretty Baby. Howard said the other thing is that she went to Princeton when she was so famous. He said she was in a dorm room with roommates. Brooke said she was roomed with 3 pre-med students and one didn't even bring sheets. She said that people would try to sneak pictures of her in the showers. Howard said she had security there though. Brooke said she did but there were pictures of her from down below. She said they got into some grate and took some pictures of her. She said then the students started protecting her and it was like a circle of people protecting her from those people.
Howard said when she dated Dean Cain it must have been tough. She said it was hard and she held off doing anything sexual for a while. She said they were in love. She said he was very patient. Howard asked why they broke up. Brooke said they broke up once because she had only been with him and not with any other guys. She said she wanted to branch out. Howard said that's a weird thing. Brooke said she had to sew her oats but she didn't actually sew. She said they got back together for another year and then she grew away from the older her. she said that she had to get away from him because he was a different era. She said she had to be challenged differently.
Howard said she mentioned his name in the documentary. He said there must have been so much chaos going on around her. Brooke said some of the choices she made were very rebellious. She said that she wanted to shake it up a bit. She said she looks back at what she was looking for.
Howard said he was told they have to wrap up. Brooke said she has to go do the Today show. Howard said they're going to drive her crazy over there. Howard said they have so much to talk about. He said he loves the documentary. He said he has so many questions. He said the sexual assault was painful. He said he knows why she didn't want to give the name of that person. He said he knows women who have similar stories and they never give the name. He said that there's some fear there. Brooke said you very rarely are believed. She said legally isn't tough and you get raked over the coals. She said she didn't think she could afford to have that in her life.
Howard asked if she laid awake at night thinking about the guy doing it to someone else. Brooke said no. she said she learned very early on that she doesn't have to be responsible for everyone else. She said their journey is their journey. She said he would have gotten so much attention. She said she didn't even want to talk about it for the documentary. She said she wasn't able to speak about it until just recently. She said that she was never going to mention his name. She said that he doesn't deserve it. She said she wrote him a letter and she has seen him since then. Howard asked if she goes into a weird space. Brooke said yes. She said her oldest daughter has seen her go into that space. She said she guessed it based on how things went with that person. She said she was able to sit with her and tell her the story. she said her youngest daughter didn't know about it until she saw the documentary. She said she walked out of the screening. She said that upset her husband too. SHE said she didn't protect her children from that so he got upset. Howard said he's imagining those conversations.
Howard said this went too fast. He said that they have to get her out of here to do the Today show. Brooke said it felt rude to just do 45 minutes. She said she will come back. Howard said please do. He gave her some more plugs and mentioned that Allie Wentworth and George Stephanopoulos produced it. He said he loves Allie and she was in good hands with them. Brooke said that she couldn't have done it with anyone else.
Howard said they have a lot to talk about. He said he wanted to talk about Suddenly Susan and so many other things. He said he'll shut his mouth and she can go do that. Howard let her go.
Howard let the two of them go aback and forth with their impressions for a couple of minutes. He eventually closed the fake door on Rosie first. Fake Trump was still there going on and on about Brooke. Howard said he knows he has to get to court today. Trump said it's been very busy today. He said all the excitement is back in the city today. Howard closed the door on him.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who was talking about how much she loves Brooke. She said she wanted to go on the record with something too. She said she sees Howard getting an Emmy for his Springsteen interview. Howard thanked her for the call. Howard eventually cut her off as she was screaming. Howard said he wants her to be at the Emmys with him.
Howard said what a lovely woman. He played a song parody about her. He said they had a nice show today and they're going to say goodbye now. He said that he's seeing it's time to get the fuck out of here. He said they could go for hours but he thinks they have to pace themselves.
Fake Rosie knocked on the door again and still had her vibrator going. She said it's stuck inside her. Howard spent a couple more minutes with that bit. Driving that bit right into the ground.
Howard said they've rehearsed the closing of the door so it gets quiet right as he closes the fake door. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:10am
Howard asked if Robin likes when they use a classic rock song and change the lyrics in it for a commercial. Robin said she does not. Howard said neither does he. He said they did that with a Golden Grahams commercial. He said they used a Turtles song. He said they know those guys and he's not sure why they do that. He said that Ozempic stuff uses that song by Pilot called ''Magic.'' He said they can't do that. He said he sits there on his high horse singing ''Oh, oh, oh I hate this...'' He played some of that commercial.
Howard said every musician dreams of having their music being used to list a bunch of side effects. He said he didn't even catch what they said there. Robin said they said something about it being $25 per prescription. Howard replayed the clip.
Howard and Robin talked about the side effects and how people are hearing that with the classic song.
Howard said the Turtles song is ''Happy Together.'' He played the real song and then the commercial for Honey Golden Grahams. Howard said he bets they made more on that commercial than they did with the song. He said he thinks that Flo and Eddie still own their catalog. Robin said if someone else owns it they may have been surprised by that.
Howard said he likes the Ozempic song because they use it to distract you from the side effects. Howard played the real song and talked about fake side effects of Ozempic.
Robin said she has a friend on Ozempic and she told her about how well it works. She said she's losing weight and it works. She said she's down by 15 pounds and it happened over night basically.
Howard said imagine how gorgeous he'd look if he lost 15. He said he doesn't know about the side effects because he's distracted by the song. Howard played more of the song and made up more fake side effects.
Howard said Maxwell House uses the song ''Our House'' as a song. He played some of that commercial where they sing about coffee beans to the tune of that song. Howard said there are some annoying people in that one.
Howard said Mountain Dew did that with a song. He said they did it with Queen's ''Bohemian Rhapsody.'' He played the commercial. Robin said she hates to think that kids will think that's the actual song. Howard said kids probably do. He said it's terrible. Robin said she never liked that. She said some songs they don't change but they lower them when they speak.
Howard said a lot of rock guys are okay with it because it gets them out there. He said The Who had a song on CSI. Robin said that's The Who singing it though. Howard said sometimes brands will make up lyrics. He played a song that Kraft turned into a theme for one of their products. They changed the lyrics from ''They're Unbelievable'' to ''They're Crumbelieveable.''
Howard said in 2009 they hired Megan Mullally to sing ''Turn the Beat Around'' for a commercial. He said he still doesn't know what it means to turn the beat around. Robin said she thinks that the percussion is always in the back and she wanted to hear it in the front. Howard said Robin sounds so definite that she turns him. He said she really doesn't know what she's talking about either. Robin said she's just speculating. Howard played a couple of wacky Robin quotes that the guys found.
Howard said Robin is like Plato. He said not Play-Doh but Plato. He said she's like Play-Doh too because she's so pliable.
Howard played the song that Megan Mullally sang about butter product. Robin said those ad guys are working overtime. Howard said they couldn't get ''I can't believe it's not butter'' in the song so that's how they did it.
Howard said he doesn't like it honestly that they put those songs in commercials.
Howard said he doesn't meant to make fun of Gary but he does stuff like this. He went over who Gary voted for this year for the Rock and Roll hall of fame. Howard said he could have voted for Warren Zevon. He said he liked the guy. He said he was very good and he remembers seeing him in concert. He said he saw him fall off the stage. He said he used to get free tickets to the Bottom Line and he would go there to see shows. He said that he fell right off the side of the stage. He said he got right back up and kept going.
Gary said he went to see Ricky Lee Jones and she was on a bar stool and she went down and fell off the stool. Howard said that's not cool. He said you can't be falling off the stage.
Howard said Warren Zevon was great. He said the best song he had was that one he did when he was dying. He said that was ''Keep Me In Your Heart.'' Howard played some of that. He said it instantly fucks him up. Howard said that might make a great Snickers commercial song. He made up some lyrics for that.
The caller said he ran into Ronnie at the airport one time. He said he's just like he is as the guy on the show. Howard said he really is that guy. He said he's not a character at all. He said he met him and thought he was out of his mind. He said he was scared of him.
Howard said Ronnie went from being a limo driver to being recognized in an airport. The caller said he did not disappoint either. Howard said just ask him shit and he won't disappoint him.
Ronnie said he was not in the airport at Christmas. The caller said he was at baggage claim. The caller said it was in the fall actually. Ronnie said he was about a month and a half off. Ronnie said all he wants to do is talk to this guy after taking a red eye.
Howard said Ronnie used to drive a bread truck and now he has fans. Ronnie said he wasn't nasty to the guy. The caller said he never said he was. He said he likes Ronnie. Howard said his security guy needs security. He said he's out of control. He said he's actually retired and he's busy doing monkey business out there now. He said the fans love him and his character. Ronnie said there's no character here pal.
Howard said a lot of fans want to hang out with him in Las Vegas. He said he doesn't understand that. Ronnie said he doesn't get it. He said he lived in New York his whole life and he never got direct messages from fans. He said out in Vegas that's all he gets. He said it's constant. He said he had a guy show up at his front door and ring the doorbell. He said he had to kick the guy out.
Howard said he thinks it's because he's retired that he has a ton of free time. He said the fans figure he wants to hang out. Howard said he's become the new Wayne Newton over there. Ronnie said he's not near where these people are so he doesn't get it.
Howard said everything sets Ronnie off. He said Mike Pearlman complimented his glasses and he got all worked up. He said he was all angry about that. Howard asked Mike what happened. Mike said he was just complimenting his glasses and he went off on him like Ronnie does.
Ronnie was doing his impression of Mike talking about going to see his buddy to get new headlights. Howard asked Mike what he said to Ronnie. Mike said you can't give him a compliment. He said he's never nice. He said he can be that good guy but you can't compliment him. He said he's never seen him take a compliment. Ronnie was stuck in that Mike voice that sounded nothing like Mike.
Mike said John Goodman was on the show and he went up to Ronnie and said something nice. He said Ronnie responded in a nice way and it sounded really weird. He said he never does that. Howard said it was out of character. Ronnie was still doing that weird impression of Mike in a low deep voice.
Howard said he's not sure what Ronnie is thinking. Mike asked what Ronnie's day is like in Vegas. Ronnie talked about going out to get headlights from his buddy Neil.
Mike asked what Ronnie is doing today. He was still doing that voice so Howard called him out on it and said he sounds nothing like Mike. He said maybe he can do someone else. Ronnie said he only does Pearlman. The caller thanked them for taking his call. Howard let him go.
Mike asked what Ronnie is going to do today. Ronnie said he's going to listen to some Scott Schmaren stuff to calm himself down. Howard asked what he does after that. Ronnie said that only gets him to 7:30 in the morning or so. He said after that he's going to have some breakfast. He said then he will do some errands and shit. He said then he'll chill out and relax. He said he might go outside. Mike was laughing. Ronnie said keep laughing man. He said then he'll work out around 12 and he will go into the gym. He said he'll watch The Price is Right. He said he works out on the treadmill. He said he will lift some weights.
Mike asked what he will do after that. Ronnie said he may watch TV or something. Mike said he could have done that in New York. Howard asked if he ever gets bored. Ronnie said he's fine. He said don't get him started.
Howard said he heard that Ronnie is going to be testing food with a caterer this Friday. Ronnie said he doesn't mind the wedding stuff but he hates the whole ceremony thing. He said that's a whole thing. Howard said he doesn't want to show any emotion in front of anyone. Ronnie said that's not him. Howard said he's so disconnected from emotion and stuff. He said he knows that about him. He said he's soft inside. Ronnie said he knows that. Howard said he has to do it for Stephanie. He said that he has to give her that moment. Ronnie said he is. He said he's doing it.
Howard said Ronnie should tell Stephanie what he really feels. Ronnie said he's recording this so he can play it at the wedding. He said that way he won't have to say shit.
Howard said this girl is so pretty. Ronnie said it's just not him to do that. He said he doesn't have that feeling in him. He said he doesn't have that for anybody. The guys replayed the clip of Ronnie proposing to Stephanie. He told her to pull the ring out of a shoe box in his closet. He was very blunt about everything.
Howard said Stephanie is a different generation than Ronnie is. He said she has given everything to her. Ronnie said he's given everything to her too. Howard said she wants him to get in front of everyone and be the man of her dreams. Ronnie said if she hasn't realized that's not him then she should have high tailed it out of there already. Howard said all she wants him to say is that he loves her. He said he has to open his heart to her. He said he has to show her parents what this is all about. He said this old man is fucking their daughter. Howard said he has to let her know that he loves her.
Howard said he has to tell her that he hit the jackpot with her. He said he has to get his shit together. Howard asked if he talks to his therapist about love. Ronnie said he does and he tells him he has to be more open.
Howard said they should pretend to be at the wedding now. He said he'll be Stephanie. Howard said just look at his titties. He said this is a girl who is willing to bend him over and stick shit up his ass. He said this is some girl he found. He said all she's asking for is for him to get up and tell people why he's with her. He said he has to do that for her. He said this is her moment before he drops fucking dead. Ronnie said thanks. Howard said he has to do it for his woman.
Howard asked Mike what this wedding is going to be. Mike said he thinks Ronnie has it in him. He said he thinks he has those thoughts. Howard said he's more romantic with him than he is with his woman. Mike said he feels that he's concerned with what people think. Howard said he has to say fuck you to everyone else. He said he has to come out at the wedding. Ronnie said he just can't let that shit out. He said that's why he talks to a shrink.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Joe Pesci asked him to pretend that he's Stephanie. Howard said Joe is good with women. He said he has to be romantic. Howard let Joe spend a minute with Ronnie.
Howard said he thinks he gave Ronnie some good advice. He took a call from a woman who said Ronnie is so awesome and she can't imagine what this would be like. She said that he has to be more excited about it. Howard said he should say that in the wedding. He said he used to drive a bread truck and now he lives in Vegas with his beautiful girlfriend. He said his life is a dream because of her.
The caller said that she's gorgeous. He said he has to say this stuff. Howard said she's trying to help. The caller, Julia, said she loves Ronnie and she and her husband say ''Duu'' all the time. Howard said he knows that he's going to blow this wedding. He said he has to be Mr. Romance. Robin said he has to write it down an read the paper at the wedding. Ronnie said he will do that. He said he's going to have paper.
Mike said maybe be funny at first and not be so serious. He said that might make him more comfortable. Howard said Mike just had a baby. He said Ronnie said something to him this morning. He said he told Mike this is what happens when he doesn't keep his cock in his pants. Howard said that's funny Ronnie.
Howard said Ronnie has to be emotional at this wedding. He said he has to say something nice to her. Howard said if he's laughing at him that makes him less of a man, not him. He said Ronnie cares too much what other people think.
Howard and Robin ganged up on Ronnie and told him he has to do the right thing at the wedding. Howard said they all laughed at Gary at his wedding. Robin said Mary was a head taller than Gary. Howard said Gary said he loves Mary but he didn't care that it was Beauty and the Beast. He said he declared his love for his bride and he had a good marriage. Howard said they were all laughing at him but that didn't matter. He said he has a good marriage.
Gary said he has to just block everyone out behind him and go for it. Howard said they're all going to be laughing at him that day. He said he has to tune it all out. Gary said they were all going to goof on him and he didn't give a fuck that day. Howard said Gary carried on for his bride. He said Ronnie has to go for it. He said he has to say fuck you to everyone and just be romantic up there. He said he has to tell her how good it feels to be with her.
Howard said he has to come up with the speech of all speeches. Gary said there are no do-overs. He said he has to do it right this one time. Howard said he knows he's going to fuck it up. He told him to surprise him.
Howard said he has to stop worrying about what people are going to say about him. Gary asked if Mike is still out of the wedding. Ronnie said they sent a save the date to Mike. Mike said he was surprised by that. He said he got it a couple of weeks later.
Howard said he should have sent a ''save the date for something beside my wedding.'' Howard said Mike is going. Howard asked what he's going to wear to the wedding. Mike said he has a suit.
Howard said Ronnie has to do this right. Mike said maybe he can hypnotize himself before the wedding. He said maybe do that so he's a loving guy and he can say what Howard just said. He said he can tune everyone else out. Howard said he's saying just say what he just said. Howard said he's not even Howard. He said he does what his psychiatrist tells him.
Howard asked if Ronnie loves Stephanie. Ronnie said yes. Howard asked what his definition of love is. Ronnie said they get along and they have a great sex life. He said they can talk about everything. Howard said that doesn't sound like love. He said it sounds like he loves sex. He said he could have said the same things about him other than the sex stuff. Howard asked what it means to be in love. Ronnie said he always wants to be with her. Ronnie said he loves being with her. Howard kept digging and Ronnie said that he likes that she cares so much about animals and other people. Howard said they have to convert that into a speech. Howard made up some things Ronnie could say to her in the wedding. Ronnie said that's not him. Howard said who cares. He said just open up a bit. He said just sell her what he thinks.
Mike said he should say it confidently and if you do that then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. He said if you get self conscious then it shows. He said if you say it confidently then it comes across right.
Ronnie asked Mike about why he's giving him all of this advice. He asked where he was recently. Mike said he was on paternity leave. Ronnie asked why it's taking so long for him to get married. He asked why he's not sending out save the dates. Mike said it takes time. Ronnie said he's just wondering why he's giving him advice and not taking his own advice. Ronnie said he was at his first wedding and Mike was laughing the whole time. Howard said that's why it didn't work out.
Mike said he has a great girlfriend now and he's very grateful to have her. Mike told Ronnie to just be himself and tell her how he feels.
Howard said Steven Tyler writes some great lyrics. He read some from one of his songs and said he gets chills hearing them. Robin said she doesn't think he wrote them. She said she's not sure who did. Fred did his Ronnie impression and had some more suggestions for the wedding vows.
Howard said Ronnie has to think about how he was driving a bread truck and how he has to think about where he's gone from there. He said this is his dream girl from those days. He said he has to think about that. Fred made up more lines and joked about how old Ronnie is.
Howard said he's excited for him. He said he hopes things work out. Fred did more of his Ronnie impression and made up more stuff for the wedding. Howard said he has to start writing his vows and don't fuck it up. Howard said the Ronnie puppet is a bad influence. Ronnie said that's what he's worried about. He said that he knows he will show up. Howard said the puppet has a whole setup that looks like Ronnie's house. Ronnie said he doesn't have a Dean Cain poster on his wall though. Howard said that's true.
Howard said Ronnie has to get his shit together with this. He said he can't be fucking around. He said he knows he'll say some dumb shit. He said he's doing this for his own good.
Howard thanked Ronnie puppet and real Ronnie. Ronnie thanked Mike for all of his advice. Howard thanked Mike too.
Howard asked what the budget is for the wedding. Ronnie said he's not sure. He said it might be close to 100,000. Howard said he might have to come back to work for him. Ronnie said he is working for him. Howard said he means real work. He wrapped up and let everyone go.
Robin said she's not sure how Ronnie is going to get himself to do this. Howard said Gary's wedding was one of the best. He said the food was good too. He said he was very grateful for that. He said he had a buffet from an Italian restaurant in Brooklyn and it was really good. He said there was no waiting there. He said everyone was able to eat. He said he was attacking his salad and then he gets his entree and it's ice cold. He said at Gary's wedding they had the tins with the candles underneath them. He said the food was good and it was all out. He said he loaded his plate up with ziti. He said this was 30 years ago. He said it was the best wedding he ever went to. He said it was no nonsense. He said he got up and danced because he was feeling so good there. He said it was a good wedding.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was dealing with Ronnie and he wanted to give a thumbs up for him. He said he dealt with him because he wanted to be a DJ for him. Howard asked why he didn't hire him. The caller said that Ronnie had someone closer to him. He said he wanted to say there are no hard feelings and he hopes the best for Ronnie.
Howard said Ronnie worships him and he worries about what he's going to do. He said he's afraid of what he might do. Ronnie said he doesn't worship him. He said he thinks he's a great guy but he doesn't worship him. Howard said he can be honest about it. He said he does worship him. Ronnie said he does admire him for what he does. Howard said that's what he's saying. Ronnie said he doesn't want to be him. Howard said he does worship him. He said he's embarrassing him. Ronnie said he's going back to 1981 now. He said this is before he even wrote him anything. He said he used to listen to him on WNBC and he would tell people that he would work with him some day. He said he made it happen.
Howard wished Ronnie luck with the wedding. Ronnie said this DJ guy wanted to come from Kansas to DJ his wedding. He said he's not going to do that. Howard said the guy just wanted to be with the show. Ronnie said he may have. He said he's not sure how he's going to come from Kansas to do a wedding. Howard said he wanted to be part of the show.
Ronnie said the guy said he wanted to do it for free at first. He said he told him he didn't want anything for free. Howard said you get what you pay for. Ronnie said he and Stephanie are paying for this together. Howard said he should pay for it himself. He said he can't make her pay for it. Ronnie said she wants to pay for it. Howard said he wouldn't let her. He said he tells his wife that all the time. He said she wants to pay for stuff and he tells her to get out of here.
Howard said he has to get a hold of Ronnie. He said he's out of his influence now. He told him to do the right thing. He said don't make her pay for half the wedding. He said if a girl says she wants to pay that means she doesn't want to pay. He said how romantic is that. Howard said he should pay for it all.
Howard said Ronnie needs constant guidance from him. He said it's no wonder he's lost without him. Ronnie said he's not lost. Howard said he's a wandering Jew. Ronnie wished him happy Passover.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and said he was watching the Trump speech last night. He said he's not sure what you want to say about all of that but there are some funny aspects about it. He said it was like the Met Gala for shit heads. He said in lower Manhattan they had some prominent Trump supporters there. He said George Santos showed up and Marjorie Taylor Green were there. He said the Naked Cowboy was there too. He said he didn't know the naked cowboy was a Trump supporter. He said that guy makes money just dancing around in his underwear.
Howard said New Yorkers don't give a shit about Marjorie Taylor Green. He said everyone was just ignoring her. Howard played some audio of her trying to say something but everyone was yelling over her and making noise. Howard said they say she got back in her car and left. He said she was on 60 Minuets saying that Trump is like Jesus or Nelson Mandela. Robin said he is saying that and there are some things missing there and maybe they should crucify him. She said she's just kidding. Howard said a lot of people have gone to jail if you want to compare Trump to those people.
Howard said the guy who runs the National Enquirer is named Pecker and the news people keep saying his name. He said he keeps laughing like Beavis and Butt-Head. He said if his name was Pecker he'd just change it. He said he would have changed it a long time ago. Robin said he may be English and it doesn't mean the same thing there. Howard said at least his last name isn't Cock.
Howard played some audio from some news broadcasts where they were talking about this Pecker guy. Fred played some Beavis and Butt-Head laughs as they were playing.
Howard said he knew a dude who worked for the National Enquirer and he said the thing that David Pecker hates the most is people making fun of his name. He said if you're friends with that guy he will catch and kill stories for you. He said he really loves Trump apparently. Robin said it's a prid quo pro kind of thing with them. She said he must want something back.
Howard said the night of Trump's wedding there was a lot of press there. Howard said it turns out Trump called them himself. He said he fessed right up. Howard said he was trying to keep it quiet that he was going to be there. Howard said he wasn't pissed or anything but you know he'd call the Enquirer to tell them stories about him. Robin said he's known for giving stories to reporters under a different name.
Howard said he loves Pecker. Fred played more Beavis and Butt-Head laughs.
Howard played some audio from this show they called into. They had a guy on the show talking about an t-bone accident this guy was involved with. Then they took a call from ''Jeff'' who was actually Howard talking about his time in Vietnam. The guys had Howard talking about his time in this area and the guys on the man talk show said they've never heard of that. The guys had Howard talking about the (made up) crazy shit he did over there. The show bailed on his call when he got very graphic about the things he did. They thanked him for his service though.
Howard said he out manned those manly men. He said he turned them all into pussies. Howard said way to thank him by hanging up on him. He said they think they have a manly show. Give him a break.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that the t-bone reference in that was wasn't a sexual thing. She said it's how you hit another car. Howard thanked for her for the clarification.
Howard said they're used to getting yelled at by nerdy liberals but Michael put them right down.
Howard took a call from Michael who said 99 percent of the time he likes to have a good time and break balls. He said he was down there because he has been so frustrated and disturbed by Trump the past few years. He said he has missed things in New York and he had to go to this. He said he had to go down there and be around it. He said he went down there and there was a part of him that thought he shouldn't. He said he went down and for the most part things were okay. He said people were chill. He said then these two people were going off on him and they smelled like cat shit. He said he was amped up and he had to say something. He said he likes to talk shit but he's not a tough guy. He said he's not a trouble maker. Howard said he loves that he went right into fucking them in the ass. He said they were probably freaked out by that if they were hillbillies from out of town.
Michael said he was ready to take them around the corner. He said that's when he said suck my dick. He said he quoted Mike Tyson about taking them out to fuck them in the ass. Howard said they backed down quick. Michael said they were big guys about his size too. He said he's not a tough guy so he wasn't looking to start a fight. He said that's not him. Howard said he was talking to them like they were Baba Booey. Michael said when he says things to Baba Booey like that it's intimate time. He said that's in a loving manner. He said there's a difference.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Marjorie Taylor Greene who was goofing on Michael and his looks. She said that she's still on the street and ready to fight him. Michael said he doesn't want any trouble from her. He told her to go back to the zoo.
Howard closed the door on her. Michael called her a farm animal. Howard thanked him for the call and said good job. He said he's not only an actor but a street fighter as well.
Howard answered another knock at the door and fake Trump showed up. He was knocking really hard and Howard wasn't answering. He eventually did and fake Trump asked him why he makes him wait. Howard said he was just fucking with him. Howard asked what it was like in court. Trump told Howard what that was like. He said that Stormy Daniels is a horse faced skank. Howard asked what she did. Trump said that she had sex with him and told everyone. He said he was nice and he got screwed over.
Howard asked fake Trump what it was like out there when he showed up. Trump went through the story about how he showed the black power fist thing when he got there. He said a lot of people showed up for him too.
Howard asked what it was like to be finger printed. Trump said that the woman who did that said he had very large hands and fingers. He said they had to bring in poster board to fit them all. He said they called them the most beautiful finger prints ever. He said they say it means he has a magnificently large penis. Howard said Stormy claims that he has almost micro phallus. Robin said his hands look very small when he's waving them around. Trump said he has very large hands.
Howard asked fake Trump what it was like to be in court. Trump said that he plead very not guilty. He said the bailiff said he looks very free of guilt. He said he has never seen anyone so free of guilt.
Howard said they had 34 felony counts. Trump said they're ridiculous. He said they didn't even get him for the real crazy shit he did. Howard said there's going to be a gag order so watch what you say. Howard said he knows he's in defensive mode but it has to be surreal to be in court. Trump said the last time he was in a dump that beat up it was Stormy Daniels vagina.
Trump said he has to tell his supporters that they should stop sending death threats to Alvin Bragg. He said he'll probably be dead in six months from a heart attack because he's so obese.
Trump told the guys that he's got a lot of things for sale with his mug shot on them. Howard said he knows he's very busy so he's going to let him go.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Judge Jeanine Pirro. She was backing Trump and went off on the Mexican judge in the case. They talked about how all of the charges are bullshit.
Howard had another knock at the door so he answered that too. It turned out to be fake Alex Jones. Jones went into his wacky conspiracy theories about this case. Trump asked him to send him more of the stuff he's been sending him. That led to Alex plugging some of his crap products.
Alex answered a knock at his door and it was fake Nancy Pelosi who was some kind of alien. Alex said that was not the real Nancy Pelosi for anyone who thought that was the real Nancy Pelosi.
Howard answered another knock on his door and it was fake Mitch McConnell. Mitch told a story about taking a spill and he has no idea who any of these people are. He said he has no recollection of him being president. He was hitting himself on the head trying to get things to come back to him.
Howard ended up closing the door on Mitch. Alex and Jeanine were kissing fake Trump's ass. They were all talking about how great he is and how they have to have him on InfoWars. Trump asked if he can do that now through Howard's show. Alex said they will get to that eventually. Judge Jeanine said she wants to have him on The Five. Howard said that's all very nice. He said this has been illuminating. He let them all go a short time later.
Howard said if you get he wrong thing then don't send them to him. Ralph said they tried to convince him that it was fine. Howard said he figured out that if he wore sunglasses that he'd be able to hide his face. He said he might look cooler that way. He said that he wore dark sunglasses even at night when he was in high school. He said that got him his nickname ''Shades of Blue'' at summer camp.
Howard said Ralph knows all of this. He said he has to tell people that his eyes are sensitive so that's why he wears sunglasses. He said the glasses he has on now are the right tint. He said Ralph got the new glasses and he sent them to him instead of getting them done right. He said that he had to ask his wife to send them back for him. He said Ralph is a fucking moron. Ralph said he's really not. Howard said he really is. He said he's critical of other people but then he does this.
Howard said Ratso used to wear black sunglasses. He said he told him he had a sensitivity to light. He said he was full of shit but it works for him.
Ralph asked what's up with Leslie Stahl interviewing Marjorie Taylor Greene and not asking her hard questions. Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Joe Pesci went off on Ralph about the glasses thing.
Howard let the guys go and said he has a lot to get to today. He said he has to take a break though. He went to break after doing a live commercial read.
Howard came back and talked about the Bob Marley song they had playing. He sang along with it a little bit. Howard asked what he died from anyway. He asked if it was brain cancer. Gary said it says here that it was melanoma. Howard said that's skin cancer. Gary said yeah. Howard asked if it was cancer of the toe or something. Gary said he doesn't know. He read more into it and said it was under a nail in his toe and it spread. Howard said he wasn't making a joke. He said that's why he wears hard shoes on the beach. He said he doesn't want the sun hitting his feet.
Gary said it says here that he had a foot injury and it kept getting worse. Howard said that's fucked up. Robin said cancer is fucked up. She said it goes everywhere. Gary said he thinks he got a toe injury and he may have already had the melanoma. He said he may have ignored it because it was the foot injury he got. Howard said a stupid thing like your toe can kill you. He said he'd chop his toe off. Robin said they don't know how long it was there. Howard said Bob Marley always looked pretty cool. He said he had a cloud of smoke around him all the time.
Howard said he has a promo to play. It was a promo for Underdog meeting The Descendant. They're going to have her meet a descendant of Bram Stoker. Howard said their new dream maker series will start with that. He said they wanted to make her dreams come true so they're doing that for Suzanne. He said they made it happen for her. Robin asked who even knew Bram Stoker had a descendant.
Howard said that will happen next week. He said that your mind will be blown. He said she did thank him for making her dream happen. He said Chris had to coax her into that. He said that Suzanne calls this guy ''the descendant.'' He said Robin has never heard Suzanne so happy. He said they finally did it and made her happy.
Howard played another promo for the segment. He said it's really good. He said they always have something going on. He said this poor guy didn't know what he got himself into. He said they're planning a whole series of these dream maker series. He said they have Medicated Pete learning how to strip. He said Wendy meets Robert Englund. He said Debbie the cum Lady gets to blow High Pitch Erik again too. He said that's all in the dream maker segments.
Howard played more promos for the segment. He said the great grand nephew of Bram Stoker is the guy they'll be introducing Suzanne to. Howard said he seems like a very nice guy. He said they did put him through the ringer though.
Howard said this is called Pesci Confusion. He hung up on one and closed the fake door on the other. He said that was a Joenado.
Howard said he saw that Jeremy Renner is getting better. He said he ran over himself with a snowmobile or something. Robin said he was clearing snow and the plow ran over him. Howard said he loves this fucking guy. He said he loves Mayor of Kingstown. He said he's worried that he won't be able to continue the show. Robin said she saw that he has to learn to walk again. She said she can only put 45 percent of his weight on his legs so far. She said he really messed himself up.
Howard said he and his wife both love Mayor of Kingstown. He said they watch that Daisy Jones and the Six together too.
Howard said Jeremy ran himself over and broke 30 bones in his body. He said he's a good dude. He said they had him on the show and he seemed nice. Robin didn't remember that. Howard said they had a little guy on the show who he thinks was Jeremy Renner. Gary said they did have him on. Howard said he thought they did. Robin asked where she was. Howard said he's not sure.
Howard said people wrote in about Brooke Shields. He read some feedback about that interview. There was some feedback about her revealing that she dated JFK Jr. Howard said he hates being around famous people but he went out to dinner with Bradley Cooper once. He said that people pay more attention to him. He said he prefers to be the most famous person. He said he goes out with Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy gets more attention. He said he hates that.
Howard said this woman came up to Bradley Cooper and she was maybe an 8 or 9. He said she was very attractive. He said it was pitch black out at the time. He said he's not sure how she knew who he was. He said she came running up and gave him her card. He said it's that kind of JFK magic. He said he remembers standing there like he wasn't famous or even there. He said he said he would never have dinner with that man again. He said he can't handle it.
Robin said he enjoyed his dinner. Howard said it was fine but afterward the humiliation... He said he has done things in this business and he doesn't get that attention. Howard said he was like a shlub. He said it was very embarrassing.
Howard said he remembers feeling really bad. He said it made him feel awful. Robin said she saw JFK Jr. once in person in a store. She said this was walking into Bergdorfs one day. She said there were only two times she has been stunned by how beautiful someone was and the other one was Farrah Fawcett. She said she didn't even look real. She said JFK was perfect. She said not a hair was out of place. Howard said it was weird. He said he knew him a little bit. He said he doesn't know how he did his hair. He said Jake Gyllenhaal is similar. She said he's got that too. Robin said he's no John Kennedy.
Howard said the guy wasn't even pumped up but he had a good physique. He said he would love that. He said his life would have been so different if he had those looks. He said Farrah Fawcett was something else. He said he's so jealous of those kind of looks that JFK Jr. had.
Howard said he didn't have a good personality in college. He said his buddy Dr. Lou had girls talk to him in college. He said they went out to a bar one night and he sat there with Lou socializing with people. He said it was so unfair. He said people would just walk up to Lou and talk to him but no one would come over to him. He said he's not sure what the deal was. He said that's when he started smoking. He said he thought he might look like a bad boy smoking. He said no one came over. He said not even with a cigarette.
Howard said his father gave him an allowance and it was just $100 a month. He said that was for rent and food. He didn't have a lot of food to eat. He said he bought a lot of spaghetti. He said his parents would come to visit once a year. He said they would go out to eat. He said the only restaurant he knew was Aegean Fair. He said his mother would laugh at him for not taking them to a nice place. He said he didn't know any better with only $10 a week to spend on food. He said he had never been to a good restaurant. Robin said you can ask people. Howard said he didn't have one friend. He said he just had Lou and his parents were giving him even less money. He said he didn't know any restaurants. He said they would buy some roast beef and spaghetti and that had to last them a week. He said he didn't know any restaurants. He said his just wanted his parents to go home.
Howard said every year when the family would visit they'd bring up the story about going out to eat and how awful it was for them. He said he has no idea what was so funny about it.
Howard said his wife's friend was over this week. He said he heard stories about how great their high school experience was. He said they were talking about dating and sneaking out of the house to go on dates. He said they have so many memories. He said he was sitting in his house reading a chess book. He said his parents didn't care if he went out. He said he doesn't have many memories. He said the ones he does he blocks out.
Howard said he doesn't like to be around other famous people. He said he used to like hanging out with Jimmy but he used to be chubby. He said now he's thin and hosting the Oscars. He said he can't hang out with him. He said his show has been on fire lately. He said Seth Meyers has been on fire too. He said he does a thing called ''A Closer Look'' that's really good. He said he's really good at it. He said he likes it a lot. He said he watches and giggles at it. He said he gets more news from it than laughs. He said it's really good.
Howard got back to the fan feedback and read some comments about JD's report on the AVN awards. He said he didn't even finish the game they started yesterday. He said they mentioned porn star Raven yesterday and she was the one who rode the Sybian while Dave Lampert talked to her. He played a clip from that day. He said both Dave and Raven are dead now.
Howard said there's nothing sexier than that man. Robin said she wouldn't have had those reactions without him talking. Howard said that Sybian was the perviest thing on the planet. He said Dave invented it. He said they said you could take it to hotel rooms with you. He said Dave said he would come on the show and he had to work the controls while she did it. He said he wasn't helping the situation. He said he was a genius though. He said he was the Elon Musk of pervy. He said he insisted on coaching her. He said there was nothing better than that.
Howard said they were in the middle of a game yesterday. He said JD had movie names and they had to guess if they were real porn movies or fake. He said he has a list to read. He asked if ''Dame Judi's Drenched'' is real or fake. Robin said she thinks that's fake. Howard said it was fake. He asked about a movie called ''Hamiltoe.'' Robin said she thinks that one is real. Howard said it is a porn title. He had some audio from that musical porn movie.
Howard asked Robin about the movie ''White Load Us'' as in White Lotus. Robin said she thinks that is fake. Howard said she's right it is a fake. Howard asked if there's a film called ''Black Loads Matter'' Robin said yes. Howard said she's right. He said that everyone is calling each other the N-word in this. He asked if there is any white people in this. JD said there is a white woman in it. He said this guy Shane Diesel likes to have women call him that. Howard said you have to use that pass to use that word. Robin said she knows there's a genre of porn where this happens. JD said this is an AVN award winner. Howard said they say that this is from 2016. He said that's kind of taboo now. He said maybe in porn it's not. Robin said porn is all taboo so that's why they use it. JD said it's actually from 2018.
Howard said this is from Black Loads Matter. He played a clip where the N-word was being thrown around a lot.
Howard said it comes across as very angry. He said they do seem to be getting along though. He said he's put off by that kind of thing.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Mel Gibson who said he loves this film. He said he's jerking off to it now. He asked Howard to play it again. Howard closed the fake door on him.
Howard said there you have it. He said that was Black Loads Matter and Hamiltoe.
Howard said this guy Todd Morse plays guitar for Juliette Lewis and for The Offspring. He said he wrote a note to Gary about this. He said he wrote a song for him after hearing that segment. Howard said Jonah Nimoy, Leonard Nimoy's grand kid, also plays on this.
Howard played the song ''Suit of Armor'' that they sent in. He said he's going to let them open up for Tuchus. Robin liked the song. Howard said he does too. He said it's pretty good. He said it's all because of him that it got made. Robin said he was the inspiration. Howard said it was his thought. He said he likes this guy Todd Morse.
Howard said he should have written this. Robin said she's not sure what happened to Howard. She said Todd just heard him talking about it and wrote this. She said he didn't live like Howard did. Howard said he's going to have a hit song and it will make a great Ozempic commercial some day. He said that guy is talented. He said he touched him.
Howard said imagine him as a plumber and you'll think differently. He asked her to close her eyes for a moment. He asked if she's attractive. The caller said she has been told she is. She was 5'5'' and 120 pounds. Howard asked how big her cup size is. She said she's a C-cup but she's had some kids. Howard said no one needs to hear that. He said pretend he's broke and poor and asked how he looks. She said he's still handsome. She said she does like his longer hair but he's handsome. Howard said he looks good with a welder's mask on.
Howard said a lot of people wrote in about Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell coming in yesterday. He had fake Trump come in and introduce himself as the person behind the voice. It was John Di Domenico doing the impression. Howard said he loves him. He said he's so good. He said he wants to do things to him. Robin said she thinks he could walk down the street with him. Howard said maybe.
Howard said he has to say hello to Rosie too. He said that was Rachel. He had fake Rosie and Trump go at each other a little bit. Howard said they should let Joe Pesci take a bow too. Howard said he killed this week. He said Joe is Austin Nasso. He had him take a bow too. Howard had him switch from his real voice to his Joe impression.
Howard said the three of them were very funny this week. He said he appreciates them. He let them all go a short time later.
Howard said he would also have Mel Gibson come on but that was the real Mel. He was joking. He said this is Piatti. Howard had him take a bow too. He said he did a great job too. Howard let him go as quick as he let him come in.
Howard asked who else did an impression this week. He said Nowicki did his Alex Jones. He had him come in too. Steve did his Alex impression for a minute. He asked if that impression hurts his voice. Steve said it's actually kind of soothing. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said Sam is the one who does the Judge Jeanine impression. He had her come in quickly too. Howard said she was a hit this week as was her mom. He let her go after a quick hello.
Howard said Chris played Mitch McConnell this week. He had him come in for a quick hello. Howard said Jamie did Wendy. He had her come in and do her Wendy impression. He asked when she started doing that. Jamie said it's been like a month's process. Howard said she really studies her and she knows so much about her. He said she's way deep into it.
Howard had Fred do his Ronnie Puppet. He said he did do that earlier. Fred did his Ronnie puppet voice a bit.
Howard said look at Fred the show off. He thanked him for that. Fred kept going with the impression.
Robin asked if they had a Marjorie Taylor Greene impression today. Howard said they did and that was Rachel too. Howard ended the show around 10:25am.