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Howard said they had a mix in of Crosby Stills and Nash at the start of the show. He said he has to talk about David Crosby but he's not sure he can even get it out why he loved the guy so much.
Howard said David was on the show maybe 2 or 3 times. He said he loved Crosby Stills Nash and Young when he was growing up. He said he loved Deja Vu. He said he loved Led Zeppelin too. He said there were a few albums that stick out in his mind. He said David came on the show so many times and he was very cool. He said he opened up about the band and all of that. He said he kind of put his foot in his mouth when he criticized Neil Young's wife. He said he made a snarky comment and it cost him his relationship with Neil. He said he was so great on the show.
Howard said his last appearance there David had a new album out and he didn't know what it was going to be like. He said it was new music and he was like 79 when he put it out. He said he was so afraid he wasn't going to like it but he thought it was really fantastic. He said David said to him that he still enjoys writing and creating new songs. Robin said he had so much music in him and he wanted to get it out.
Howard said he loved the band so much. He said he didn't get into the first album as much as Deja Vu. He said their first album wasn't that popular. He said adding Neil Young was a stroke of genius.
Howard said he has to give an update on Bella the pig. He finally got Beth on the microphone and she came in and said that George Santos showed up to North Shore to get photos taken with animals and they turned him away. Howard said they don't even know if it was really him. Beth said they have a litter of puppies to adopt and if anyone knows the veteran who they raised money for and didn't give it to him they want to get in touch with him.
Howard said he's so turned on by Beth right now. He said she looks great when she's not dressed up.
Howard said it's not good news about Bella the pig. He said last week they talked about this pig that a family wanted to adopt from a fair in Florida. He went through the whole story about how the pig had to be slaughtered and the family didn't know. He said there's a lot of red tape in a country where no one follows the rules anymore. Beth said she heard that the meat was donated to an organization.
Howard said he called a bunch of people last week trying to get in touch. He said he called and left nice messages for people. Beth said she left a nice message for the CEO of the fair and she isn't happy right now. Howard said he doesn't know but he left some reasonable messages. He said that he's not sure why they're so worried about this pig. He said they issued a statement about the meat being given to charity. He said don't humanize a pig and give it a name and put her in a tutu. He said that's not the right message. He said they tried to save her. He said they called the senator and she tried. She wasn't able to do anything. Beth said it's so stupid. Howard said it could have had a beautiful life.
Howard said they got a lot of nice comments from people around that whole thing. Beth said if the slaughterhouse has the pig and wants to set her aside they'd love to pick her up.
Howard read some feedback about Bella. He had a bunch of people writing in about it. Beth also told Howard how cold it is in there.
Howard played a message from Angry Alice who called in about Bella. She was upset about the story too. She said they have to do something if it's not too late. Howard said they did try but they weren't able to do anything. He said Beth looks so miserable in there. He said he hopes it warms up. Beth said she can hand him Cocomelon because she's so warm. Howard said she is like a little blanket. Beth said she just peed on her. She said she's special needs so she was carrying her over to express her bladder and she peed on her.
Howard let Beth go and asked if her period is over. Beth said it is. Robin said she should have a flag she puts up. Howard said he needs some comfort over this whole thing. Beth headed out after that.
Howard said Richard and JD got into a betting thing last year. Howard asked Richard what he has now. He had a stuffy nose. Richard said he went out for the first time in a long time and he was screaming his lungs out at the Eagles game. He said he had a great time there. Howard said he gets into football about now. He said Ralph told him the Bengals were playing the Bills so he tuned in to see. Howard said it must be tough to play in the snow like that. He said if they played on grass that grass was so nice. He said they have the greenest grass if that was real. He said he thought it was fake. JD said it's turf. He said it's not real. Howard said it didn't look real.
Howard said it seems like a crazy slippery thing. He said he thought it would be funny if they went sliding. He said they never did though.
Richard said there was a story with the Cowboys kicker who was trying to kick the extra points but he was missing. He said he got some field goals though. He said he was missing a lot of extra points. JD said he got the yips.
Howard said the name Bengals is pronounced ''Ben-Gals.'' He said that's what they have to say from now on. He said they'll call them the Ben-Gals. He said his buddy Marco was on the team. He said that he remembers them being a joke of a team for the longest time. He said they're not now though. He said it was embarrassing for JD to be a fan. JD said it was.
Howard said Ralph texted him yesterday about the game. He said he had to tune in since they're closer to the Super Bowl now. He said that Tony Romo is really good as a commentator. He said he's better as that than as a quarterback.
Howard said Ralph texted him about his betting routine. He said he bet on the Bills and Ben-Gals. He said Ralph told him what he bet on and he figured he could have won both bets. He said it was driving him nuts that one seemed to knock off the other. He said he claims that's what you have to do to win. He said he thinks he won with the Ben-Gals with the points.
Howard said he asked Ralph why he was rooting for the Ben-Gals. He said he figured it's because JD is a fan. He said he was being masculine so he wanted to text JD and tell him he was watching. He said he figured he would get upset and say he jinxed the game if they lost. He said he didn't want to bother the guy. Richard said he thinks the same thing when he thinks about texting JD. JD said he might be okay. He said he might not respond right away. He said he may wait to see how the game goes. Howard said you have to respond to your boss. He said you can't wait.
Howard said Richard goes to a football game and he blows out his voice. He said he can't just shut up and not scream and yell. He said he has to be on the air. Richard said he was screaming and freaking out when Mahomes got injured. Howard said they did the x-ray and found he has a high ankle sprain. He asked if he'll be able to play. He asked if he thinks they will play against the Ben-Gals. Richard said he thinks he will but he'll have to be careful with that ankle. He said he's still so incredible.
Howard said this Burrow guy is the number one quarterback. Richard said no way. JD said he thinks it's very close. He said Mahomes has won a Super Bowl. He said it's very close though.
Howard asked JD if he considers that the Ben-Gals are dirty players and they'll go after that ankle. Richard said he thinks they will. JD said that's his problem. He said there's a lot of things that happen. Jon Hein got on and said the Bengals have a notorious history of going after players. He said they really do. JD argued with Jon about that. They went back and forth arguing for a minute. Jon gave his thoughts on Mahomes as well.
Howard said Jon seems to know what he's talking about. He let Jon talk more about the Mahomes injury thing and how he thinks that's going to go.
Howard said it breaks his heart when he sees these guys get banged up so bad. He said the game is so violent. He said that they get taken down in the middle of their careers. He said they bash each other with their hard helmets and he's surprised they don't get injured more.
Howard said during the game they had a dramatic moment when Damar Hamlin, the guy who had the heart attack during the game, came out and then the team goes and scores. JD said then the Bills kicked a field goal. JD said they were trying to do everything they could to get the Bengals out of it. He said the AFC changed the rules and they had a coin flip about them playing or not. Jon and JD ended up arguing about that as well.
Jon was saying some stuff about the Bengals and JD seems to think he's trying to jinx them. Howard said JD has announced he will not make any penis based bets this year. He said he said something about his relationship with Richard. He said he was saying something about stopping his friendship with him for 5 years if they have that match up again. JD said that he answered that with Blitt like 5 seconds after the Bengals won. He said he hates these questions that Blitt asks because of this.
Howard said the way it would work is that if JD could make a deal with Satan for the Bengals to win then he'd be willing to not speak to Richard for 5 years. Howard said it's like a shunning thing with the Amish. He said Richard would be shunned by JD. Richard said he'd still have to work with him though. JD said he could never do that. He said he'd have to never see him again. He said if he sees him he'd have to ask how he's doing and talk to him.
JD said he told Blitt that Richard can't answer this question because the Chiefs have already won the Super Bowl. Robin asked what he's talking about. JD said he doesn't even know. He was trying to say that they can't ask Richard the same thing because they have already won the Super Bowl. Richard said he would never shun JD because he's his friend. JD said he'd have to think about it.
Howard said he wants to know if they can bet on something. He said it would be a straight up bet. He said whoever loses has to lick peanut butter off of Sal's balls. JD said no way. He said that he's not doing that stuff. Richard said come on. Howard said he wants to see Richard have to lick his balls. JD said he can't risk it. He said he's not getting bullied into anything like this again. Sal said he'll lather his nuts up for him. He said he'll jam some Cheese Doodles in there too.
Howard said the other suggestion for the bet was to have Benjy jerk off the loser to completion. Richard said that's hilarious. Howard said JD could get a hand job from Benjy. Richard said he has nice hands and he knows because he has been jerked off by Benjy. He said he hasn't done hard labor so he has soft hands. He said he's in for that one too.
Howard said his third idea was to have the loser of the bet have to wipe the ass of the winner after he shits. Richard was in for that one too. JD said he just wants to bet money. He said he's not into any of this. Howard said how about the loser has to groom the winner's private parts. JD said no to that too. Richard was in.
Howard said how about the Benjy jerking off thing. Benjy said he doesn't want to be in for that one. He said he will not jerk JD off. He said he loves JD but he won't do that. He said it's a different kind of relationship. He said he will not jerk off either guy. He said it was just a crazy fucking moment on the show. He said he won't do it again.
Howard threw out another idea for Benjy to blow the loser. He said they have to have some kind of crazy bet. He said how about this. He said the winner lights the loser on fire. Richard was in. JD said if it's his arm or something maybe he'd do that. Howard said it has to be the full body. Benjy said that maybe involve something with JD being bald for the next 5 years.
Howard said how about this. He said the loser has to put Ronnie's vibrating egg up their ass. Richard said okay to that. JD said if you don't see it in his ass he'd do that. He said he isn't going to show his ass. Richard said the other person has to insert it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has the perfect bet. He said if the Chiefs win then he can't buy cards for a while. He said Richard is not able to celebrate Halloween this year. Richard said he will just do it when no one is looking. Howard said they can't monitor that unless Jon Blitt moves in with them for a couple of weeks.
Howard said how about if Richard wins he gets to jizz all over JD's favorite cards. Richard said he knows that he won't let him do that to his five favorites. Richard said maybe JD could jizz on his favorite Halloween outfit. JD said he doesn't want to do anything with jizz.
Howard asked Sal what they could do. Sal said he thinks that JD shitting in Richard's cap and then putting it on his head would be good. JD wasn't into that either. He said he's not doing any of that.
Howard said he's thinking that Richard could stick JD's spelling bee trophy up his ass if he wins. Richard said how about he just shits on it. Howard said how about JD just throws his feces at Richard's front door like an ape. Richard said he's fine with that. He said he can see him running up to the door as fast as he can.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested a full body wax for the loser. JD said no to that. Richard was all in.
Sal said how about they have the loser get face painted by his cock. JD said he hates all of this. Richard was in. Howard said it's not that big of a deal.
Howard said how about this. He said the loser has to put on a dress and lipstick and wig and go food shopping and pick up like 50 items. He said that's embarrassing. Benjy said that's how he goes shopping so that's easy. Howard said unless they do the pube beard bet. JD said no to that before he even explained it. JD said he's not in for any of this.
Benjy said that maybe they could have JD go and ask some guys out or something. Howard said how about the loser has to move to Ukraine and fight the Russians. JD said he'd do that just to get out of this conversation. He said he knew this was coming and he couldn't sleep last night because of it.
Howard said how about the loser has to have sex with their own mother. Richard was in and JD was out. Richard said he's just kidding. Howard said how about you just have to go down on her. Richard and JD were both out.
Howard said what about the classic bet where the loser has to take a tea bag on their forehead. JD said he's not doing any of this. Howard said how about the loser has to make out with Ronnie for 15 seconds. JD said if Ronnie is up for that he's in. Howard asked Ronnie if he'd be up for that. Ronnie said he'll do it. Sal said what a bet. He said this is amazing.
Howard said the loser has to make out with Ronnie for 15 seconds. JD said he thought it was 10. Robin said they said 15 right up front. Sal said it has to be full tongue. JD said just a kiss on the lips. He said he's not making out.
Howard said they'll come up with a bet. He said he was masculine yesterday even though he can't pronounce Ben-Gals. He said they did very well in their game. He said they have to have some kind of fun bet. He said they'll come up with something.
Gary asked Ronnie if he has a preference on who he'd like to win. Ronnie said he'd probably like JD over Richard. He said Richard is dirty. He said that he doesn't like a dirty girl. Richard said that his boner will be smacking Ronnie in the leg. Howard said he hopes he loses. Ronnie said he'll be hard too.
Howard said Richard wins either way in his mind. He said JD has to take his shirt off at least when they make out. Ronnie said he loves playing with nipples so he has to take his shirt off. Howard laughed. JD said he's going to keep his beard. He said the more barrier the better. Howard said they'll think about this more. Sal said JD should wear bra and panties when he does it. JD said no way.
Howard said they should have JD dress up like Stephanie. He asked Ronnie how he's doing. Ronnie said he's all good. He said he's busy with stuff. Howard asked with what. Ronnie said they have a lot of shit going on with the wedding.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake George Takei who was jerking off thinking about this whole thing. He said Ronnie should perform anilingus on him. Howard closed the door on him.
Howard said he thinks Mike had something to do with it. Ronnie said it had nothing to do with him. He said the glasses he has now don't have that curve. Howard said Ronnie was so disturbed by that Mike discussion that he won't invite Mike to his wedding. Ronnie said that's right. He said the cards are going out this week.
Mike said he believes Ronnie in this case. He said Ronnie is stubborn like that. He said he would wear them and not listen to what he had to say. Ronnie said that's right. He said he was wearing them because he liked them but they were fucking up his vision so he had to get rid of them.
Robin asked if he will invite him to the wedding now. Ronnie said no way, he can go fuck himself. Mike said he's been getting the silent treatment from him. He said sometimes you just have to give him a few days to cool off but he's pissed now. He said he's really mad about this.
Howard said Mike was just trying to help him with his look. Robin said it wasn't viscous. Ronnie said it was. He said he had that smirk on his face and he was laughing. Mike said Ronnie would bust balls up there at he studio. Ronnie said that's why he fucked with his bagel. Mike said he has to stop with that. He said he'd never fuck with his food. He said there's nothing funny about it.
Howard asked mike if he's upset about the wedding thing. Mike said he'd love to be there for him but he's not going to beg to go to his wedding. Howard asked Mike if Robin needed a plus 1 would he go dressed up as a bagel. Mike said that would be hilarious. Howard said when Ronnie said he isn't invited he can say he's not Mike, he's a bagel. Ronnie said he didn't make a big deal out of this. He said Mike was never on the list. Mike said he did say that he was probably on the list. Howard said he did. He said then he said he was done when he started with the glasses. Mike said he's just happy for Ronnie that he's getting married.
Mike said Ronnie shouldn't get so upset. He said he should know about how to dress like a regular guy. He said he doesn't put that much thought into it. Mike asked why he doesn't wear sweat pants in his yard instead of wearing jeans. Ronnie told him not to worry about it. He said he wears whatever he wants in his own house. Howard said he has Beth and Ralph suggest to him what to wear in the house. Ronnie said he wears whatever the hell he wants to in his house. He said he doesn't give a shit about what he looks like in front of Stephanie.
Mike said Ronnie can look kind of cool when he's out. He said he has seen him pull it off before. He said he wonders if that's Stephanie telling him what to wear or not. He said sometimes he sees him doing good but then he doesn't pull it off other times. Ronnie was doing the worst impression of Mike when he heard this stuff.
Richard asked if he's going to invite Mike out to the strip club for his bachelor party. Ronnie said Richard won't even go to the strip clubs. Richard said he would for Ronnie.
Howard said he heard that one of Ronnie's friends wants to have 3 bachelor parties in 3 states.
Howard asked how Ronnie did with Stephanie going away. Ronnie said it was great. He said it was nice to have the quiet. He said Stephanie over packs every time and it's crazy. He said they have to move stuff from one bag to another to get the weights right. Howard said just tell her to take 10 percent less. Ronnie said he does. He said that she has to bring like 20 pair of shoes if they're going away for 3 days.
Howard said he heard that he re-watched all the episodes of NYPD Blue. Ronnie said he did. He said he watched Banshee over again too. He said he's been watching a lot of stuff like that.
Howard asked if he watched football yesterday. Ronnie said he did. He said he thought it was great when he saw it was snowing. He said he figured people would be sliding all over their asses. He said he was going to call JD but he didn't. He said he wrote to Richard about the Chief's game. Richard said he was out drinking beer in the parking lot of the Eagles game. He said they had a bucket with cat litter to piss into.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn has an idea for how Mike can go to the wedding. Mariann said that he has to have an NDA for the wedding. She said that those glasses Ronnie had were the same ones that her husband came home with. She was going on a little too long with that so Howard hung up on her.
The guys brought up Ham Hands Bill and how Robin could take him to the wedding. Mike said that Bill took a picture with Robin where she sat on his lap and he still has those sweat pants from that day.
Howard said Robin should take Mike with her. Robin said she was indicating that when she said she needs a date. Howard said he was in the middle of a eulogy for David Crosby and this came up. He said he can't get to poor David Crosby.
Howard said he's trying to be profound about this David Crosby thing. He said he feels so cold right now that it feels like he's living his death. He said he can see his breath in the room there. He said it's so cold. He said the thermostat must be broken. He said his teeth are chattering. He had a sound effect to play for that. He said his teeth are actually very sensitive right now. He said he's falling apart. He said that David is in way worse shape though.
Robin said she got very upset because there were so many times that he thought he was going. Howard said he did say a lot that he knew his time was limited. He said that he had to spend time with his wife and kids.
Howard said he thinks that it was twice that David came on. He said he was so warm and lovely talking about his life. He said one of the things he did toward the end was the album he put out. He said it was a really good album. He said he wants to play some of that to prove it really was good. The guys told him where the song was. He said this is called ''River Rides.''
Howard said he went to a screening of a documentary for David and he sat right behind him in the theater. He said he said hi to him and remembers sitting there looking at him right in front of him and he's watching this movie with the guy he idolized as a kid. He said it was upsetting to see him and his wife there. He said it was a miracle he made it to 81 or 82. He said what a voice he had. He said what a band they were. He played some of their songs and talked about how great they were.
Howard said there's so much to mention about David. He went through his history and played a song here and there as he was going through it. He said that he thinks he wrote ''Eight Miles High.'' Fred said he co-wrote that. Howard played that and said he could have just stopped there and he would have been a genius.
Howard went through the history of David with The Byrds and then with Stills and Nash. He had some clips from the interviews he did with David where he talked about being fired.
Howard said when they put out their first album they won a Grammy. He said the won for best new artist. He played song after song from Crosby, Stills and Nash. He said they had hit after hit.
Howard said what a talent and what a guy. He said he had a tough life. He said he lost a girlfriend in a car accident. He said David was so passionate about music.
Howard played some clips from his interviews with David. He played some song clips and said he tried to get the band on the show together but that would never happen.
Howard played a clip of David talking about how everyone gets old and dies. He said he's having fun while he's around. He said he's trying to spend it well. He said he's grateful for every day he has. He said he's going to keep making music as long as he can.
Howard said there was a song that Crosby and Nash did the backup vocals for. He said he just learned about it. He said that it was the song Mexico by James Taylor. Fred said he's trying to find it. Fred had the song in a few seconds. He played that for Howard. Howard said what a great guitar sound that is. He let the song play for a little bit.
Howard said so that's David Crosby. Jon said there were other songs they sang background on. He mentioned a few. Howard said no kidding. Jon said they did a lot of those kind of things. He said they all went uncredited. Howard said he wouldn't have stopped talking about that stuff if he had done it. He said David just forgot all about it.
Howard said rest in peace David Crosby. He said they lost such a great guy. He said hew as very important in the history of rock and roll. He said he got a kick out of knowing the guy. Robin said not necessarily a great band mate. Howard said Neil Young did say that he had a good time with him early on. He read what Neil wrote about him after he passed away. Howard said he did have some good times with the guy. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and sang along with ''Chicago.'' He said Robin loves this. He said he does it for her. Robin was laughing at his singing. She said he can keep trying. Howard said everything in the news now is George Santos. Robin said every day they have a new lie. Howard said he should be knocking at his door any second now. He heard the knock and it was fake George Santos being played by Jon Lovitz.
Howard asked George about what he's up to. George said he was in bed with Emily Ratajkowski right now. Jon was doing his Liar character he did many years ago on Saturday Night Live. He'd tell a lie and say ''Yeah, that's the ticket.'' He was telling all kinds of lies and he'd correct what he was saying with another lie.
Howard asked George about the lies they've heard in the news lately. Fake George was making up all kinds of lies. He said that he has 12 kids and his wife is Mila Kunis... or Megan Fox.
Fake George told Howard that he killed himself and he was dead for a week. He said Hillary Clinton brought him back to life.
Howard asked if he's going to resign. George said if he was a quitter he wouldn't have landed that plane on the Hudson. He said he saved 40... no 50 lives there. He then claimed he was on the top of Mt. Everest and couldn't hear him.
Howard said that's Jon Lovitz everybody. He said it's remarkable that they were all over the internet saying that he has to come back to Saturday Night Live to do his liar character. He said he saw him on Fallon and that was very funny. He said it seems like his calling to be George Santos. Jon said that would be funny. He said it was fun doing that character. He said that he would be his spokesperson. He said what's amazing is he won't resign. He said this guy is lying about everything and he's still there.
Howard asked when people started coming to him to play the part. Jon said that it wasn't long after. He said it's a good thing for him and his career. He said talk about luck. Howard said George can't quit because this is tremendous demand for his character Tommy Flanagan. He said he was such a great character on Saturday Night Live. He said he didn't know that he developed that with the Groundlings. He asked when that happened. Jon said that he came up with it in 1984 or so. He said he went to the Groundlings and he did the character there. He said he has to give Robin Schiff credit for helping him out with the character. He said that he got into the main company and he wrote a monologue about this guy in a Pathological Liar's Anonymous group. He said he got a bunch of calls in January 1985 congratulating him and he didn't know why. He said he got on the Tonight Show doing the character.
Howard said he didn't know that. He said Johnny Carson was noted for having comedians on but he didn't know he had sketch guys on. Jon said that was the first time. He said Jim McCauley was the guy who would go out and find these people. He said he didn't even know Jim was there at the Groundlings. He said it was so thrilling.
Howard said when he got on with Carson it was mind blowing. He said that he got picked to be on Carson. He asked what the idea was there. Jon said they did some sketches and he was in 2 of the 3. He said the second one he was in was with Tim Stack who is a great guy. He said he wrote a piece for a truck driving school and Tim played a big rig driver. He said he remembers being so excited doing that. He said Mindy Sterling was in there and at the end of the thing he leapt up and he looked at Carson and Carson gave him the OK sign back when it actually meant ''okay.'' Jon said he got a movie with Charles Grodin. He said he was supposed to meet Lorne and he got recommended by a couple of people to Lorne. He said he thinks that's why he got the show.
Howard said it's funny that a simple idea like that can work so well. He said it's so brilliant but so simple. He said anything complicated people don't want to deal with. He said it has to be fun and simple.
Jon said he just did impressions of people he had seen to do characters like the Master Thespian. Howard said he always marveled at that character. Jon said he would make his mom laugh at him when he was doing impressions of the old movie actors. He said that James Cagney talked like that and they were imitating other people. He said they got people from Broadway to play characters and he thinks they talked like that because they didn't want any empty space in a play.
Jon said he thinks that's why they did it the way they did it. He said he and Phil would always do it. He said Phil did this play and he got to understudy a part of that. He said that Phil was 9 years older than him and he idolized him. He said they were all dead broke but Phil had a house and a car.
Jon said that Phil got the job on Saturday Night Live and he turned it down. He said he told him he had to take it. He said that Lorne thought there was some reason that Phil hadn't made it yet after being in the groundlings for 10 years. He said he thought he had convinced Phil to do Saturday Night Live but it turns out it was Joel Silver who convinced him.
Howard asked why he thinks that Phil Hartman didn't want to do the show. He said he was a brilliant guy. Jon said that he and Jim Carrey could change their faces without makeup. He said it's crazy. Howard said it is curious to him why a guy like that would turn down Saturday Night Live. He said that was the place for a guy like that.
Jon said he would go to his house and he'd tell him that he had to do Saturday Night Live. He said Phil didn't want to be famous. He said he thinks deep down he did want it. He said he got into the Groundlings when he went to see them doing a play and during a break Phil got up on stage and entertained the audience.
Howard asked what Phil was doing before that. Jon said he was a graphic designer. He said that he was asked to do an Best of America album cover. He said he could just do anything you asked him to do. Howard said he wishes he could see how he did what he did.
Howard asked Jon what makes him so generous that he can go to Lorne Michaels and ask him to get someone else on the show. He said he'd hope that he'd never get on the show because he might take air time from him. Jon said he pushed him like crazy. He said they had a crazy talented cast his first year. He said they were getting slammed by the reviews. He said everyone was doing his Liar character. He said the audience picks who will be famous. He said you just put it out there and hope that they like it. He said they let everyone go the first year but him, Nora and Dennis Miller. He said he wanted to bring in guys like Phil and Tim Stack and some others. He said they hired a bunch of them but not Tim. He said Tim and Phil looked after him. He said Phil was like his older brother. He said he wanted to be like him. He said he was the only guy he knew who everyone loved. He said everyone who worked with him loved him. He said no one had a problem with him.
Howard said Phil Hartman designed the America album but also Steely Dan's Asia. Jon said he designed the Crosby, Stills and Nash logo too. He said he was just doing that stuff for fun. He said he'd walk into his office and ask what he was doing. He said he'd be reading about fly fishing. Then 3 weeks later he was making flys. He said he doesn't know how he did it. He said he was a pilot too.
Howard said he has to ask Jon about this. He said David Crosby just died. He said he was a lovely guy. He said he played David on Saturday Night Live. Jon said he did. He said he just saw the sketch recently. He said it was a rehab Christmas sketch. He said he played him like he was completely out of it. He said it was really funny. He said Dana Carvey used to live in the same neighborhood as David. He said one time Dana took him over to David Crosby's house. He said he met him and he was super nice. He said a few years later he got an award from Music Cares. He said he called him up and asked him to get up at this thing and come out as him like he did on Saturday Night Live. He wanted him to do that at the awards so he said okay. He said he's getting an award for being sober for a year and then he comes out and plays him like he's out of it. He said everyone was upset about it being disrespectful. He said he went up to David after and apologized but David loved it. He said everyone was crying laughing at his table. He said everyone else in the room thought it was awful.
Howard said that has to be the worst feeling in the world. He said you have to love David for that. He said he's getting an award and he can't take it seriously. He said that's so awesome that he'd ask him to do that.
Jon said that he remembers Howard making fun of him on Saturday Night Live. He said that he didn't want to go on the show. He said he didn't want to do the show. He said all he had to do was make fun of Howard and Howard loved him. He said he saw him at a gym in 2001. He said he met him there. Howard said he remembers that. Jon said he was very nice to him. He said Howard is very tall too. Howard said they worked out together. Howard said now look at them. He said if you looked at the two of them the last thing you'd think is they met at a gym. He said it's so crazy.
Howard asked how he ended up in the movie with Madonna. Jon said ''A League of Their Own.'' Jon said that he got Saturday Night Live and then he had to move out there to New York. He said he was getting everything. He said he had to turn down Divorce Court. He said he got the show and Al Franken told him he was everything they didn't want in one person. He said he said they hired him because he was funny. He said that it wasn't even something that he had done that was meant to be funny that Al found funny.
Al said that Madonna was on the show one week and this guy George Meyers wrote a sketch where Madonna was riding through the country and she hears a sound in her trunk. He said he jumps out and jumps on her and attacks her. He said one night Sean Penn was there glaring at him jumping all over his wife. He said he and Sean became friends later. He said then they had his lunch break and Penny Marshall was there. He said she befriended him from day one. He said that she got him a Knight Rider lunch box with a survival kit for working on Saturday Night Live.
Jon said that Penny offered to have him stay at her house and he stayed there for a summer. He said she looked after him. He said that she told him to learn his lines so he didn't have to look at the cue cards. He said he would learn his lines. Howard said it made his performance better. Jon said it really did. He said he had to play the scene and do his best acting.
Howard said he knows its obvious there are cards involved. He said that he's not sure why they don't demand that they learn their lines. Jon said that Lorne says to use the cue cards. He said you had to know what you were saying. He said you only have so much time. He said they will cut sketches out so you couldn't learn them all. He said he would try to memorize it. Jon said they would go meet with Lorne and they'd cut sketches in the last hour before air time. He said the order of the show would change. He said he was the only one who would write down the order of the sketches. He said he was lucky that most of the sketches he was in would make it on air. He said they would cut a lot of lines so that's why they would use the cards.
Jon said that Dabney Coleman hosted once and he used the cards great. He said he did a sketch where he had them move the cards around so it looked like he was looking around as he was reading them.
Jon told Howard that they wrote the part in A League of Their Own for him. He said Penny was like a mother to him. He said she really looked after him. He said he lived in her house for like 2 years. He said that she had 4 bedrooms and Joe Pesci was living in a room right next to him. Howard asked if she collected friends like that. Jon said she did. He said that she went to school with a bunch of famous people too. He said that he and Joe were friendly. He said he and Joe would play Ping Pong and Joe was really intense. He said he'd want to bet on it and kick him and slap him when he'd beat him. He said one time he one once and Joe warned him not to slap or kick him too hard because he knows he'd win the next game. He said it was very funny.
Howard asked if this was post or pre-Saturday Night Live. Jon said it was during. Howard asked if she just asked him to come live with her. He asked if Joe was doing movies already. Jon said it was the summer of 86. He said he had already done Raging Bull.
Howard said everyone is so generous. He said it was like a charmed life. He said that he got to spend time with Penny Marshall in his time off. He asked if he felt funny about that. Jon said he did. He said he can't just live there and not contribute something. He said she said that he could pay for his food. He said he ended up supplying the kitchen. He said he'd pay for her kitchen and microwave and things like that.
Howard asked if there were great parties there. Jon said there were. He said Penny's best friend was Carrie Fisher. He said she was so funny. He said she would make fun of herself. He said they had birthdays that were close so it would be a party for Penny and Carrie at one of their houses. He said he once saw Clint Eastwood at a party and he told him he thought he was funny. He said David Bowie came in and said ''Hey Jon.''
Jon said he met all of the Sopranos guys before they were the Sopranos guys. He said he met all of these people and they would have him come see their shows and things. He said that he saw Ben Stiller doing a show before he was even Ben Stiller. He said that he helped him with his career. He said he met Mike Tyson when he was like 19. He said things were crazy back then. He told stories about going to this restaurant and seeing all of these famous people. He said he had the best time. He said Lorne would be mad at him for doing all of this stuff. He said he'd go to do this place and run lines with him. He said he gained 10 pounds a year for 5 years eating chocolate cake at this place.
Howard asked what it's like to sit with Mick Jagger at a place like that. Jon said Billy Joel came in one day and asked him about dating this girl he dated. He said that he dated Lydia Cordell. He said that Billy had a crush on her when he was an unknown. He said that Billy was going on about this girl and meanwhile he's married to Christie Brinkley. He said he was asking him about songs and he was going on and on. He said they're talking for an hour and a half. He said then Brooke Shields walks in. He said she's the sexist woman in the world at the time. He said he talks to her for like 10 minutes and Billy leans behind her and asked what he was doing talking to her. He thought they were having a nice conversation. He said he told him that it's Brooke Shields so he had to talk to her.
Jon said David Bowie walks into this Columbus restaurant and he sat with him talking for 2 hours. He said David was so regular and he asked him about the things he did in his life that were just characters. He said he was like an actor playing Ziggy Stardust. Jon said he wasn't a big pot smoker but he asked David about doing cocaine. He said he asked if he missed out on anything. David said no and he had a horrible problem with it. He said he thought that it helped him with his music but it didn't really. Jon said he saw David a few months later and he asked how he was doing and he started to tell him and David just said ''Alright, you don't have to give me the whole script.''
Howard asked if he got caught up in the world of these other famous people. He said it can mess with your own head. Jon said he was thrilled to be on Saturday Night Live and he couldn't believe it. He said that he was doing the liar character and the whole country was imitating it. He said 38 years later it's still out there. He said people say it to him and they don't even know it's him. He said he never bought into it. He said it was just TV. He said he never bought into it so he never got carried away with it.
Howard said Jon just said that he sat with Bowie and he was just playing a character. He said he thinks that Joe Pecsi is a real mob guy. He asked if he was a tough guy or was he just a consummate actor. Jon said he was around those guys in the neighborhood where he grew up. He said that Joe was friends with like Frankie Valli. He said he introduced Frankie and the guys who were in the Four Seasons. He said Joe went up to the guy who played him in the musical and he scared the shit out of the guy asking the guy if that's how he really thinks he acts.
Howard said most of acting is finding people in life and doing an impression of them. He said that's what the liar is and that's what the old Master Thespian is. Jon said you are playing different sides of yourself.
Jon told Howard a story about Joe getting a role that was written for him. He said that Joe just had to do this weird immersion of this guy he met and he got the role based on that. Howard said it's a crazy business.
Howard asked Jon about his father being a doctor and he got to treat people like Michael Jackson. Jon said he was a very big internist in the valley. He said he had like 5,000 patients. Howard asked about going to college and what it's like to tell your father what you're going to do. He asked if the family was disappointed. Jon said not really. He said his dad wanted to be a singer. He said he asked his father if he wanted him to be a doctor. He said his father said he would never tell him what to do. He said his father told him he had to be a doctor. He said there are some brilliant doctors out there. He said he has a lot of friends who have doctor parents. He said he was in college and he got a C in acting. He said he took it more seriously after that and he worked his way up to a B and then all As. He said that he would work his ass off. He said he was told to go to the Groundlings and he finally did that. He said he was so scared to do it. He said he got to the Groundlings and he took notes there. He said that he took it really serious. He said that's all he did. He said that he called his dad and told him that he got in the Groundlings and he had been in it for 2 yeas. He said his dad still wasn't happy about that. He said he made it despite all of that. He said you have to believe in yourself. Howard said you really do.
Jon said that he had jobs for $5 an hour and that's what he thought he was going to end up doing. Howard asked if his father saw him get famous. Jon said he did. He said he was beaming. He said they never stop though. He said Howard makes a billion in radio and they still tell you to get a real job.
Howard gave Jon some plugs for his Residency at the Tropicana in Las Vegas. He said go see him there and tell him you heard him here. Jon said Robin is still pretty. He said Howard hasn't aged a day. Howard said he has aged.
Howard said Jon keeps pointing at his double chin and he remembers Totie Field doing a big about her neck. Jon said stay thin if you can. Jon kept coughing. Howard asked if he has the COVID. Jon said he had it twice. He said he had it really bad.
Howard gave Jon some more plugs and Jon said he has been doing a lot of stuff this week. He talked about filming a movie and doing The Tonight Show and all of this other stuff. Howard said Jon is hotter than ever. Jon said not just his looks. Howard said he is a good looking man. Jon said he likes women so calm down. Howard asked if he has found love. Jon said he has. He showed him his hand. Jon said it's Rosie Palm and her five friends. Jon said it is tough. He said he makes it very exciting when he's with a woman. He said he'll announce when he's in by saying ''Mmm... Now I'm in!'' Howard said he does that every time he gets to have sex. Jon said then they laugh and he says ''You're welcome!''
Howard said he's done it again. He said everyone is going to go see him now. Howard said he has to thank him for coming on today. He said he mentioned he was hanging out at Saturday Night Live but they didn't make him George Santos. He said they had that other guy play him. Jon said he's blanking on his name. Gary said that's Bowen Yang. Jon said he's very tall. He said he's like 6 feet tall and Bowen was taller than him.
Howard said Jon has to say that he's going to be dating Emily Ratajkowski next. He said he'll make her throw up from laughing so hard.
Howard thanked him for coming on today. He said he's the best. Jon said he's thrilled to be on. He said he appreciates it. He said he'll be on again. Howard said any time. He let Jon go after that.
Howard said he ran into Jon years ago at his gym. He said he was working out and they looked at each other like ''have you seen two more sorry guys working out.''
Howard said he was going to read the fan mail. He said they got a lot about Stephen A. Smith. He said he'll get to that and more. He said he has a new phony phone call to play. He said he plays a drag queen with Chris Wilding. He said that will take 15 minutes to get into. He said that Pamela Anderson will be on Wednesday. He did a live commercial read and said he's got to get out of that room because it's so cold. He ended the show around 10:20am.
Howard answered the knock and fake Mark Wahlberg was there to help him out with working out. Fake Mark said he's tired of hearing him complaining about his man titties and asked if he's ready to go to the gym with him. Howard said everything hurts when he works out. Fake Mark said he wants to train him how to be him. He said he has a day plan for him. He went through that list and it was basically working out all day and taking a trip to church and eating.
Fake Mark asked Robin if she wants to touch his abs. Robin said it's like a washboard. Howard said he thinks he could have done this when he was younger but at his age he can't work out. Mark called him a pussy and said he had no idea he was that big of a pussy. He asked if he just wakes up and puts his face on the floor. He was getting after Howard for not working out and popping right up out of bed every morning.
Howard said he sees his videos on Instagram a lot. He said he's up at 2 in the morning working out. Mark said everything coming out of Howard's mouth is like a fucking queef. He said this is tough love. Howard said thanks for coming in. He was ready to end the bit. He closed the fake door on fake Mark a short time later. Howard said that's a guy who is really motivated. He said he's up at 2 in the morning. He said his wife has to have breakfast ready for him when he gets home from the gym. He said there had better not be anything on his chicken breast when he gets that. Howard said the guy is an amazing guy. Robin said his career depends on those muscles. Howard said he's not sure why.
Howard said he might start with this. He said JD pointed this out. He said there are two songs from Shakira and Miley Cyrus out and kids are into these relationship revenge songs. He said Shakira lost her husband to a 23 year old. He said that she wrote a song about that. He said he read that she was going to jail for tax evasion or something. Robin said she did too but it's all very confusing.
Howard said in this song is called ''Bzrp Music Sessions Vol. 53.'' He said she sings it in Spanish so they had JD sing it in English. He said when you hear it in English the song isn't that intense. He said it's a trite song. He said he sort of disagrees with the song because she's attacking the girl who the husband ran off with. Howard played JD's version of the song where he sings in English.
Howard read about how Shakira is supposed to be going to court over a tax evasion charge. He said that's over how much time she spends in Spain. He said if she just stays out of Spain she'll be fine. He said they don't extradite to Spain.
Howard said then there's a song by Miley Cyrus called Flowers and it's about her relationship with Liam Hemsworth. He said the song was released on Liam's birthday. He said that they make reference to the house they lived in that burned down. Howard said Miley stirps down to lingerie and sings and dances in it. He said it makes sense. He said she has talked about how she was naked in the Wrecking Ball video. He said dudes will watch it if you're naked.
Howard played her song. He said she's having a big hit song too. Robin said she objects to dwelling on past relationships. She said they were making you miserable so why dwell on it. Howard said you could look at it that way. Robin said she doesn't need him so stop singing about it. Howard said Robin is a tough broad. He said she will never sing about her relationships.
Howard said Robin breaks up and she announces it and she never talks about it again. Robin said that's true. She said you'll never hear about it again. She said they weren't meant for you if they're gone. Howard said right.
The guys played some inspirational quotes from Robin like ''Everyone smiles in the same language.''
Howard said he's hung up on a few things and one of them is that his father never smiled at him.
Howard said that's what's going on in music. He said the other thing he wanted to mention is this guy who murdered his wife. He said this guy in Massachusetts names Brian Walshe is pleading not guilty but the prosecutor found a bunch of search terms that he did on his son's iPad. Howard played the long list of searches the guy made and they were all about how long it takes for a body to smell and things like that.
Howard said his youngest daughter is 30 today. He said he just got a notification on his phone. He said its hard to believe. He said that's nuts.
Robin told Howard about this guy who allegedly killed his wife and how the cops were seeing him going out to buy cleaning supplies on a day he claimed to be home. Howard said if you want to kill your wife you go on a hike or a cruise and push the person over the edge of overboard. He said you don't do this.
Howard said this guy Brian Walshe was found with a lot of evidence that seems to point to him killing his wife and getting rid of her body. He said he should be been Google'ing how to avoid getting his ass fucked in prison.
Howard said guys like OJ must think they can talk their way out of everything if they have someone listen. He said they think they can get a hold of you and convince you that they're innocent. He said they think they're better than any attorney. Robin said they want to take the stand because they know they can handle it. Howard said it's like OJ taking the stand and trying on the gloves.
Howard played a clip of OJ on this Full Send podcast. OJ said he hasn't done this in a long time. He said he's trying to stay away from the last century. He said he'll talk about anything that happened this century. Howard did his impression of OJ talking about all of that.
Howard said OJ dropped his name when he talked about Trump's wedding. He played that clip and OJ mentioned that Howard Stern was there. He said he was on the board of the company that Howard worked for back then. He said he was there with Tawny Kitaen and Howard was looking at them and said you guys must know each other. OJ was asked if he liked Howard and OJ said sure, Howard is Howard.
Howard said he doesn't think that much about that wedding but it wasn't all that star studded. He said he never got invited to anything show business. He said he never met famous people so he went to this wedding. He said he thought it would be full of famous people but it was people like OJ and Tawny. He said she was really something. He said he was in love with her. He said OJ came right up and kissed her right on the mouth. He said he realized that they were a couple then.
Howard said at one point the host used the term ''deadly team'' and OJ didn't like that. He played that clip.
Howard said in 2008 OJ went to prison and he was talking about how he got so much mail in prison that his buddies had to help him sort it out. Women would send him pictures. Howard said it makes you wonder who these women were writing to him. Howard played that clip and OJ was talking about the mail sorting and how that worked. He said he had some guys who were hustling the girls that wrote to him. OJ said that he can't say they were nudes and you can't trust them because you don't know if you're being cat fished. OJ said he didn't have anyone come visit him either. He said he has met one of the women who wrote to him and she was everything she claimed to be.
Howard said OJ claims to have been the coach of the prison softball team. He said it doesn't sound like it was any different than the summer camp his parents sent him to.
Howard said the podcaster asked OJ what he does all day. He said it was an excellent interview. He said he wants to know what he does all day. He said it sounds like he has a fun time playing golf, eating and fucking chicks. Howard said he seems to be having a good life.
Howard played the clip where OJ talked about Monday being kick back day and he goes out golfing. He said Tuesday he's a couch potato. He said on Thursday he goes out. He said he goes out and plays golf on Saturday and then goes out to eat. He said he's normally in bed by midnight.
Howard did his impression of OJ talking about all of that. It was all about kicking back. Robin said the kicking back was after the paying the bills.
Howard said his dad was 95 and had 17 strokes and he did more than OJ does. Howard said he likes that he's congratulating himself that he goes to bed by Midnight. He said then he sleeps like a baby. Robin said he never tells you what time he gets up. Howard said you don't get that info. He said the interviewer should have asked about that. He said the only bill he should be writing is to the Goldman family. He said it should be made out to Fred Goldman. He said he wants to have this life. He said it sounds like his mother's life where she only wants to do one thing a day.
Howard said what a life. He said he has to hear that again. He said he likes that he kicks back on Monday but he could be playing golf. He said he must see that as a job. He said it seems like golf is as hard as OJ works. Robin said that's basically what he's saying.
Howard said this is something that annoys OJ. He said he can't stand that he's not verified on Twitter. He said thank god they haven't done that. He played a clip of OJ talking about that. He said he like to keep it light and airy and mostly about fantasy football. He said he asked for a check mark and they won't give it to him. He said it doesn't make sense to him why not. He said maybe they have a good reason for it. Howard said all those fake OJ accounts are making OJ look bad. He said he doesn't like it.
Howard said the guys just handed him a note saying that he is now verified but only because he subscribed to Twitter Blue. Robin said that's where you pay for your check mark.
Howard said this is wild. He said he's not getting off Twitter though. Robin said they thought a lot of people would leave when Elon Musk took over but that didn't happen. Howard said he gets his news from there. He said it's all encapsulated.
Howard said he has another clip of OJ talking about raising his kids and what a good job he did. He said that he thinks he did a hell of a job. OJ was talking about how he had to raise two young kids by himself. He laughed as he said that. Robin said he is amazing. Howard said he really is. He said the best thing to do is just keep quiet. He said that he could have just gone away. He said he keeps stirring people up with this shit.
Howard did more of his impression of OJ and talked about how the kids became nicer to him after their mother was killed. He said they'd do whatever he asked him to like eating their broccoli when he asked.
Howard asked what's up with the laugh. He said he has a montage of him laughing at himself. There was a lot of OJ cracking himself up. Howard said he's scary.
Howard said he's having a great time. He said everything is funny to him. He said this kid tried to bring up the murders but OJ was having none of it. He said things got quite the tenses. Howard played the clip and the kid was asking OJ if he has any idea who killed his wife. OJ said he won't go there. He said he's not going to talk about this. The guy kept asking throughout the interview and OJ said he won't discuss any of that. There was no laughing during that clip.
Howard said the OJ people told the guys not to ask him about that stuff but they snuck it in anyway. He said good job guys.
Howard said OJ doesn't stab and tell. He was doing his impression of OJ talking about all of that.
Howard replayed the clip where OJ talked about what his life is like now. That's where he was talking about Monday being his kick back day and all of that. Howard said the people who are really kicking back are Nicole and Ron.
Howard said OJ talked about going out to get coffee. He said he's not sure if people know it but you can make coffee at home. He said if he were OJ he'd be smoking cigars and drinking coffee at home.
Howard said OJ is also proud that he's in bed by midnight. He said that's pretty late to him.
Howard said they have a clip of OJ talking about being unfaithful to his wives. He said he was not a great husband evidently. Howard played that clip and OJ said that he regrets being unfaithful to both of his wives. He said it is what it is. He said he doesn't know how in Hollywood you can not be unfaithful. He said he was in South Africa and with this super model and they ''boom, boom, boom and bam, bam, bam...'' He said it was too easy for him.
Howard did more of his OJ impression talking about what's really hard for him. He said getting a knife through the neck of someone is really hard. Howard said this infuriates him. He said the law is the law though so they have to accept it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is bullshit and this guy doesn't deserve any air time. Howard said he sees it the opposite and how can they ignore it. The guy hung up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks he should finish his career with a nice Rom-Com. He said that he'd like to know if Mariann from Brooklyn's husband would give her a hall pass to have sex with him. Howard said no man who love his wife would give anyone permission to fuck their wife. Howard said that movie where Robert Redford offered money to the husband of Demi Moore was the greatest movie. He said it was Indecent Proposal. The caller said it would be great if Howard threw Mariann one. Howard said he doesn't understand what he's even talking about because he's talking about his age gap with his wife. The caller said that the movie would be about falling in love with Mariann because he feels bad about the age gap with his wife. Howard said he still doesn't get it. He tried to figure out what the fuck the guy was talking about trying to make sense out of it.
The caller said he didn't figure out the details yet. Howard said obviously not. He said that he likes this guy but he doesn't think this movie will get green lit. He said not even Netflix would buy it. Howard said he's pretty sure that Mariann's husband won't give her a hall pass. He said she screams and yells every time she gets on the phone with him and now he has to deal with him fucking her? He said you have to think these things through.
Howard let the caller go and talked about how good Indecent Proposal was. He said that he also liked Knotting Hill and Pretty Woman. He said that Julia Roberts was good in those. He said Knotting Hill was a great one.
Howard said he watched football this weekend and he'll be watching it until the Super Bowl. He said he spent one game and he realized how his life is ticking away and he's wasting it with the dumb fucking game. He said he does love it though. He said he's not going to have time for painting if he watches football all the time.
The guys had a clip of the guys all saying ''Bengals'' in different ways. Howard said JD can't even say Cincinnati the right way.
Howard said there's a guy alive right now who is a great chess player. He said chess is a great game. He said you have to be in good shape to sit there for 2 hours playing. He said this guy Magnus Carlsen is very good. He said he can watch this guy play. He said he's watching this the other day and Magnus is playing another grand master. He said they're in a blitz tournament. He said this is what this guy did. He said the game is 3 minutes long and the opponent is playing white. He said Magnus was late and the guy playing starts the game. He said they have 30 seconds left on the clock and Magnus comes in. He said he has 30 seconds to play. He said the grand master has 3 minutes of time left. He said Magnus ends up winning. He said this guy is alive right now. He said he's probably sleeping on some insect infected mattress somewhere. Robin said he makes money. She said she watched a documentary on him and it's great.
Howard said 34 million people watched the Dallas game over the weekend. He said that's about 39.9999 million more people than watched Magnus. He said this kid is mind blowing. He said that he can play 10 people at once in a room. Robin said she saw the documentary so she knows.
Howard said he tries to play blitz games but he feels stupid when he loses. He said he's just not good at it. He said he doesn't like feeling that way about himself. Robin said that's why she won't play tennis even though she loves it.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she tuned in at 7:10 today for the first time in 30 years. Howard said she missed Mark Wahlberg calling in and yelling at him. Mariann said that she thinks that her husband might let her do that thing with Howard. She asked if Howard would ever get remarried if Beth left. Howard said he'd be miserable. He said he loves that woman so much. He said if he were single he would fuck Mariann. He said he knows that would make her happy. He said he won't date her or marry her with that voice but he would bang her. He said he'd take her to his apartment. Mariann said she doesn't need much. She said she's very quick and fast. Howard said he'd put her in the tub and clean her up. He said then he'd bang her. Mariann asked if he'd give her a hickey. Howard said no because he doesn't need evidence. Howard let her go when she started to get excited and loud. Howard said he'd wear ear plugs if he was banging her. He said he'd have to do that. He said imagine what that would be like. He said she would be so disappointed in him. He said he'd be done in seconds. He said he'd kick her right out of there.
Robin said there's this actor Charles Dance who is 76 years old and he recently fell in love with a woman on the set and she's in her 50s or something. She said that he's just running around talking about how he's in love again. Howard said alright. Robin said it could happen. Howard said he got bitten by the love bug. Howard said Robin is happy alone but he can't be alone. Robin said he'd have to find someone to get over his grief. Howard said that would be very bad for him.
Howard said a fan wrote in about that. He said the person asked if Richard had been drinking. He said no one has heard it said that way. Howard said that someone from Cincinnati wrote in and said they call them the ''Bangals.'' He said JD should know that it's Bengals. Richard kept saying ''Bingals'' and Howard asked if he's sticking with that. Richard said he is. He said it's Bingals. Howard said it's Ben not Bin. He said he's wrong saying it that way. Howard asked what the potato chips in the can are called. Richard said Pringles. Howard asked what the big clock in England is called. Richard said it's Big Ben. He said he's always said Bingals though. Howard said he's wrong. Howard asked what the toilet paper stuck in his ass are called. Richard said Dangle Berries. He said he knows it's dingle.
Howard said he heard JD won't do any bet now. JD said after last year he said he wasn't going to bet anymore. Richard said that he might get over his fear and become a new person if he showed him his penis. JD said he has no desire to do that. Howard said JD wrote to them yesterday that he was done making bets. He said that they knew that but they have to make it interesting. Richard said if he has any faith in his team he has to bet. JD said he has faith but there's a part of him that doesn't want to do this. He said that they could lose. He said of course they could lose. Richard said he's jinxing them by not betting on them. Howard said he's right. He said he is jinxing them. JD said he hasn't done any bets in the past 10 games. He said he should not bet on them.
Howard said he should do a straight up bet where if he loses Richard blows him. He said he can blow Richard if he loses. JD said he'd do the Ronnie kiss thing but not tongue. He said he will kiss him but with no tongue.
Howard asked what he'll do if he starts jamming his tongue down his throat. JD said he's not sure. He said he might just have to take it.
Howard heard a knock at the door and it was fake Mark Wahlberg again. He was going off on them for this gay stuff they were talking about.
Howard spent more time talking to Mark about his work outs. Mark was talking about working out his cock and things like that. He said his cock can speed bag his balls. He had JD and Richard cracking up.
Howard asked Mark who he thinks will win. Mark corrected Howard on the pronunciation of Bengals. He said he can't even watch anymore because his man Tom Brady is out. Howard asked if they hang out. Mark said they do and Tom will watch his cock speed bag his balls. He said he can do that right now. He had a sound effect ready to go for that.
Howard asked how Mark feels about his Patriots not making it to the Super Bowl. Mark said he works it out in the gym. He said that it's only painful to work out if you're a pussy. Howard said thanks to Mark and let him go. He closed the fake door on fake Mark.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said that he has a thought on this bet. He said that he was talking about pubes yesterday and that's the most disgusting thing to do. He said that would be a good one. JD said he's not doing that. He said he doesn't want his pubes on Richard's face. Howard said he's a pussy like Mark called him. JD said he is. He said he's not going to do this.
Howard said he has a big fucking bush. He said that it's kind of salt and pepper now too. He said his hair is longer than his penis. He said that's how long his hair is or how short his penis is. Richard said he likes that bet. Howard said he'd do that. He said he'd glue it right to the loser's face. He said he might even get some taint hair in there. Richard said he has some shaft hair too. Howard said yes he does. He said he's got hair on parts that might not even be his shaft. He said he just measures from down that low.
JD said he'd do the kiss thing with Ronnie but he's not doing anything else. Ronnie said he has to be able to grab his ass. Ralph said JD should wear lipstick too. Howard asked Ronnie if he would stick his finger up his ass. Ronnie said sure he would. Howard said that's the bet they should do. He said the lipstick and the kiss. JD said he's not into any of this.
JD said he would also wipe Richard's ass. Ralph asked if he really wants to kiss Ronnie instead of taking pubes on his face. JD said he's not into any of this.
Chris Wilding said that Howard sent JD to the Super Bowl last year and he won't go along with a bet now. Howard said let him handle this. He said HBO is ready to air this. He said if JD makes out with Ronnie this will be on HBO. JD said that's not going to happen. Richard said that would be funny audio too. He said the person has to wipe the other person's ass if the lose.
Howard said here's the bet. He said he's not sure how to punish Richard because he likes all of this stuff. He said maybe the person puts on a dress and lipstick and make out with Ronnie. Richard said that would be weird for him. He said he's not into that. Richard said Ronnie is afraid of his breath and teeth. Howard said he has to clean up to do this if he loses. He said it wouldn't hurt if they wore some fake titties for Ronnie. Ronnie said when he did that TV show and got dressed in a wig and glasses they have to do the same thing.
Howard read some fan feedback about the bet and that's what people are looking to see. Howard said whoever loses has to make out with Ronnie. Howard said he doesn't want to pressure JD into doing it. JD said yeah, right. Howard said they'll have Ronnie wear a military outfit so it's like An Officer and A Gentleman. JD said he may have suggested this but it was the least of all evils. Ronnie said he knows who it was. He said it was Blitt who suggested it.
Richard said there's no stoping Mahomes. Ralph said he's injured though. Richard said he doesn't care. He said he's going to be fine. Howard said he has to know if JD is in on the bet or not. JD said he'll do it. He said he'll kiss Ronnie. Howard said he may win anyway so he may not have anything to worry about. Robin said he won the last one. JD said that's the problem. He said he's just waiting for the other shoe to drop and whatever.
Howard said he doesn't understand this level of fandom. He said that Ronnie gets nothing out of it other than a boyfriend. He said he senses that JD isn't into it so he won't force him into it. Robin said he agreed to it. Howard said Richard is into anything they do. Richard said he knows the Chiefs are going to win so he's looking forward to seeing JD make out with Ronnie.
Ralph asked what bet Ronnie lost. Howard said he doesn't know. He said its up to the guys. He said let him know later. JD said he'll do it.
Ralph said he thought Lovitz was amazing yesterday. He said he had one story after another. He said it was fucking great. Howard said he was. He said one of the guys was talking about how everyone wanted him as George Santos. He said Jimmy Fallon's show did it and then Jon came on and told stories. He said it was great. He said it was one story after another. Ralph said he had so many that he can't remember them all.
Richard said he loved the Phil Hartman stories. Howard said he was so good on Saturday Night Live. He said everything he did was good. He said they put him in too many sketches because he was so good.
Howard said a lot of fans wrote in about that. He read through some of that feedback. He had some feedback about Jon playing David Crosby. Howard said he spent a good portion of yesterday thinking about David Crosby. He said he watched a bunch of clips. He read some feedback about his discussion about David Crosby too.
Howard said he wanted to get the band back together but that didn't happen. He said that he figured Neil Young would never get back with them but he thought he had a chance with some of the guys.
Howard said that David sang backup vocals on Hootie and the Blowfish song ''Hold My Hand.'' Howard said he did not know that. He played some of that song. He went through some other songs that David sang on. He said he sang on ''Another Day in Paradise'' with Phil Collins. Howard played some of that. He said he didn't know that. He said even if he had done just that it would have been enough.
Ralph said they did kind of a reunion on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame a few years ago. He said you should look that up.
Howard said he fans loved the idea of Mike Pearlman sneaking into Ronnie's wedding. He read through some of that. Ralph asked if he's still wearing those jeans. Ronnie said he can wear whatever he wants in his house. Ralph said the jeans were all torn up and he had like 12 inches of missing material from his knees.
Howard said he's not sure why Ronnie gets so mad at Mike but not at Ralph. Ronnie said it's his voice and he wonders who the fuck he thinks he is. Howard said he thinks he has a man crush on Mike. Ronnie said not at all. He said he isn't into him.
The discussion about Mike was going on and on. Howard said he knows that Ronnie is into Mike because they hypnotized him once and he talked about how hot he is. He played a clip from that hypnosis day when Ronnie was acting like a girl and talking about the hottest guy in the office.
Howard said Ronnie holds him in high regard. He said he admires Mike for pointing out that his glasses didn't look good. Ronnie said that no one knew who Mike was before he did that. He said he doesn't care about what Mike has to say.
Mike got on and said that he had been on the show before Ronnie did the hypnosis thing. He said that Ronnie instigates stuff too. Howard said he wants to see them make up. JD said they should kiss. Ronnie said go fuck yourself. JD said Mike can take his spot. Mike said he heard that and wondered what Ronnie was thinking. Howard said Ronnie is a team player and he knows what he has to do for the show. He said he's ready to jump in and take over.
Howard said he doesn't think that Mike is a bad guy. He said that he's not trying to hurt him. He said he was just talking about how his glasses didn't look good. He said he tried. He said that he doesn't think Mike did anything that bad. Mike said that he's excited to see the new glasses. Ronnie said he doesn't care what he has to say about the old ones or the new ones. Howard said it's good that he listened to him.
Howard asked if he can have Mike come in and give a review of the new glasses. Ronnie said he doesn't care what he has to say. Howard asked if Mike will review his clothes too. Mike said he can do that. He said he's hit or miss with his clothes. Howard said he heard he got some new jackets and one was leather. Ronnie said he got one from Stephanie. Blitt was the one who told them about that. Ronnie said he knew it was Blitt. He said he lost one jacket in the move and the guy made him a new one. He said he's worn them already. He said he won't wear it on the show. Howard said maybe he should so the can do a fashion show. The jacket was made by Jeff Hamilton. Howard said that's the guy who made the jackets for Dice Clay. Ronnie said he made Howard one too.
Mike said some looks just don't fit on some people. He said he's not talking about Ronnie necessarily. Ronnie said Mike doesn't know shit. Ralph said he's right though. He said some looks don't look good on some people. Howard said he's right. He said he will try stuff on and it doesn't look good so he puts it back.
Ronnie said he had a motorcycle jacket with a big skull on the back. Mike said if you're on a motorcycle maybe that's a good look but if you're just a guy walking around maybe not. Howard said he gets that. Ronnie said it's a company that makes jackets like that. He said it's Sick Boy Motorcycles. Mike said he'd have to look at it.
Robin said it is a good look with the motorcycle jacket and the ripped jeans. Mike said yeah but he doesn't have a motorcycle.
Howard thanked all the guys and said he has to take a break. Ronnie said he thought he was taking a break an hour ago. Howard said he was. He thanked the guys again and read more fan mail.
Howard had some feedback about the Stephen A. Smith interview. He said tomorrow they have Pamela Anderson coming in. He said she just wrote a book and she has a documentary on Netflix. He said they have a lot to talk about. He said he has questions for her. He said he would like to talk to her about a lot of stuff. He said he is interested in knowing how she's doing. He said there was no bigger sex symbol in the 90s than Pam. He said there's a lot to talk to her about.
Howard said Michael Rapaport liked hearing about Stephen A. Smith. He read some of the stuff Michael wrote in with. Howard read some feedback from a Sports Illustrated columnist.
Howard said Mad Dog Russo was yelling at Smith on his show about going on his show to promote his book. He said he was taking away from his own show by going on Howard's show. Howard said he did not like that he was on their show when he should have been on his own show. He had a clip of Mad Dog going off on Stephen about missing the start of his own show. Howard said Chris didn't want to hear anymore about that book. He said there you go. He said there was a lot of other stuff in the feedback. He said people want to date Jon Blitt. He said two weeks ago he played some Prince Harry audio book stuff. He said the fans liked that. He read some feedback about that. He had some clips from the real audio book where he talked about getting frost bite on his penis. Howard said those clips were real.
Howard said Prince Harry called in and left a message. He played a clip that the guys had edited together where they had Harry getting upset with him making up clips. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said what a song. He said that's beautiful. He said there's really something about writing about love or revenge. He said this was written after Brandon Flowers caught his girlfriend cheating. He went through that story and said he found his girlfriend in the act and then wrote the song very quickly. He said that's why the second verse is the same as the first.
Howard asked Fred if he likes this song. Fred said it sounds great. Robin said she had no idea what he was singing about.
Howard said The Killers played this song at the first show they ever did and it flopped. He said they stuck with it though and they had a big hit. Howard said he's thinking they don't have a lot of guys like Bowie, Tom Petty, David Crosby and others. He said it's too hard to even think about. Robin said David had the best attitude about it. She said it's part of the deal. Howard said that never works for him taking someone else's attitude. He said he just can't do it.
Howard said over vacation he was thinking about Ivan Reitman. He said that he obsesses with things. He said he got very down over that. He said then his mind will shift and he gets obsessed with the fact that The Beatles named their album Rubber Soul. He said he thought about it for days. He said they think so much about their songs but then they name their album Rubber Soul. He said it didn't make sense. He said that he goes crazy thinking about it. He said you can't question them about it though.
Howard said he was thinking about how much sense Abbey Road made. He said this one makes no sense to him though. He said that he was thinking maybe it was like ''rub her soul'' or something. He said he doesn't know.
Jon Hein said he knows a couple of things. He said it's called that because McCartney heard Mick Jagger talking about the band and he called their music plastic soul and Paul took it and changed it to Rubber Soul. He said that's just how things worked out. He said that's what Lennon says about it. Howard said that still doesn't make sense to him.
Howard said he was thinking about the Rolling Stones and how Mick s knighted but Keith Richards isn't. He said maybe he turned it down. He said he really doesn't know. He said Keith should be just as honored as Mick is. He said Keith wrote those songs. He said it wasn't just Mick. He said it drives him crazy.
Howard said he was also thinking about how Keith has no belly on him. He said it makes him crazy. He said he's 80 and he can still dance around. He said Mick has something going on under that shirt.
Howard said he still can't get over the fact that Dave Grohl is the lead singer of Foo Fighters. He said he was in the biggest band in the world with Nirvana and he would have been so great if he had just done that. He said that he went on to start his own band after Nirvana and he's amazing at writing and performing in his own band. He said to pull that off in a lifetime is unbelievable. He said this is the stuff he thinks about. Robin said Dave has talked about that. She said he saw this guy Kurt Cobain doing something completely different and he wanted to be a part of that. She said that was more important at that time than doing his own music. She said that he decided to stop doing what he was doing and join that band. Howard said Dave is amazing.
Howard asked who else comes up with ''A sky is a neighborhood.'' He said he also came up with ''Fingernails are good... fingernails are pretty.'' He said it's unbelievable. He said the guy is amazing.
Fred played some ''The Sky is a Neighborhood.'' Howard said this is so good. He said Dave also wrote about a Monkey Wrench. He said it's amazing to him. He said the band is going to be playing the Boston Calling concert series this summer. He said that they have a new drummer that hasn't been announced yet. Howard said he'd take that job if he could drum.
Howard said he should have started learning 20 years ago just in case something happened to Taylor Hawkins. He said he'd give Dave a call and ask him to give him a shot. He said John Stamos can drum so maybe he could do it. He said if he were a drummer he'd do what Tommy Lee and Dave did. He said even Taylor. He said he'd have no shirt on or he'd rip it off. He said then the people can see his big tits.
Howard said he's trying to turn the volume down on this song. He was talking about what people would be saying about him if he was drumming for the Foo Fighters.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Dave has been able to do what he has done is because he's like no other rock star. He said he's on another level. Howard said he really is.
The caller said he met Dave once at a concert about 10 years ago. He said he bought him a drink and thought he was done with him but Dave invited him to sit down with him and his buddy. He said they sat for about 45 minutes with him and he had to go see the end of the show. He said Dave went with him and watched the end of the Black Crowes show. He said that he went outside and threw up and Dave went back in. He said it was a great night for him. He said he did six shots of Jaeger with Dave that night. He said his buddy brought him home and carried him in.
Howard said that Jaeger will fuck you up. He said he's not sure how people drink it. Howard thanked the guy for the call and let him go. Howard said that was enough of that story.
Howard said that's another great band the Black Crowes. He said he loved when they hooked up with Jimmy Page. He said he watches that stuff on the internet. He said that all fell apart. He said Chris Robinson was great as a front man doing those songs. He played a clip of Chris performing ''What Is and what Should Never Be.'' He said that's so good. He said Chris looked good as the front man too. He said if he were the front man people would just run away.
Howard was waiting for the riff in the song to play so he could bail on it. Fred had to get to the right spot. Howard said he got the chills from that. He said it was so good. He asked Fred to do it again. He said that makes him cuckoo. He said he just came on his own face. Fred played some cumming drops.
Howard said he'll be into this all day if they don't stop. He said that shit was so good. He said they should have kept going but Jimmy Page had enough and just split. He loved those guys though. Robin said he loves to perform and not fight.
Howard said he's watching that Aidy Bryant show. He said she's good. He said he has to take some credit for this Michael Morris movie. He said the movie wasn't out in any theaters and they sent it to him to watch. He said Mary McCormack sent it to him and he and Beth watched it and loved it. He said the movie was called ''To Michelle.'' He said it's a great movie. He said the lead in it got nominated for an Academy Award. He said that's going to make the movie huge. He said whoever this actress is should thank his ass. He said he's sick and tired of being a king maker and no one recognizes it. Robin said it's like Andrea Riseborough. Howard said she should thank him for getting the word out. He said that she's up against a bunch of big names. He said she should be able to beat all of those people. Robin said she's not sure about that. She said that Cate Blanchett is in there. Howard asked who cares about her. He said she's yesterday's news.
Howard said he and Beth watched Saturday Night Live last night. He said he likes that Aubrey Plaza. He said he's into her.
Howard had a caller on the line who asked why Nirvana never came on his show. Howard said he's not sure. He said he doesn't have a good answer for that. The caller said he should ask Dave about that. Howard said he will next time he's on. Robin said they never got Pearl Jam, Nirvana or Soundgarden. Howard said they got the Meat Puppets though. He said he loved them.
The caller had the best Beatles albums broken up into two lists. Howard and the caller argued with him about that. They went back and forth about the best albums. Howard had to kick the guy off his phone when he said Abbey Road was the worst. Howard said he's banned from the show over that call.
Howard said he liked Aubrey Plaza's titty dress on Saturday Night Live. He said that you could see the bottom of her titties. He said it was a good look. He said Beth thought so too. He said they both like her. He said he'd like to see Robin in that outfit. He said she'd look great in that.
Howard asked Robin if she would show the bottom of her tits. Robin said it depends on the dress. Howard said he's going to buy that for her. He said that would be great if he got that for her and asked her to model it for him.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Arnold saying that he has to watch the new season of The Bachelor. Howard said he didn't know Arnold was into that show. Arnold talked about falling in love with the girls on the show already. Howard spent a minute talking to him about the show.
Howard took a call from a woman who had a very high voice. Howard asked if she's a little person. She said she is 5'2''-ish. Howard asked if she's actually 4 feet. She said she's a regular sized petite gal. Howard said she sounds like a little person. He said she could play a cartoon mouse. The caller, Michelle, said she has done some voice over stuff. She said nothing exciting though. Howard asked if she recently inhaled helium. Michelle said she did. Howard asked what he can do for her. He changed his voice to sound like her. Howard asked again what he can do for her. Michelle said that her brother won't talk to her because she dates non-Jewish people. Howard said he thinks she should only date Jewish guys. Howard still had his voice changed to the high pitch thing. Howard said she should only date Jewish guys with high pitched voices. He said she's a young Jewish girl and she needs to make sure that the tribe grows.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Michelle about dating and he kept his voice high pitched the whole time.
Howard said enough of this. He said she can date whoever she wants. He said her brother is getting carried away. Michelle said she was hoping that Howard could talk him into not wasting his time with this nonsense. Howard said this is a silly thing for her brother to be upset about.
Howard had another little Jewish person for her. He answered a knock at the door and it was Beetlejuice clips. He bailed on that bit pretty quick. Howard said life is very short so stop worrying about who your sister is dating. He said they're both missing out on each other with this going on. Howard let Michelle go after that. He said goodbye to her in the high pitch voice.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he thinks the brother is right in the sense that she should try to do what makes her family happy. He said she should follow the tradition. Howard said he can't tell him how much he disagrees with that. He said he doesn't believe in religions keeping people apart. He said that King married a Puerto Rican woman. He said you can't think like that in this day and age. King asked what Howard would do if someone was upset about Beth not being Jewish. Howard said he wouldn't care. He said that her family was freaked out by him but not because of his religion.
Howard thanked King for the call. King said he has more to ask. Howard said he has to pee so bad. Howard hung up on him when he said he should let him talk while he goes pee. Howard said he usually enjoys talking to King but he makes it hard sometimes.
Howard said maybe he'll do the phony phone call thing tomorrow. He said people like a phony phone call though. He said he'll play the call.
Howard said the conservatives are all worked up about drag queens so they worked this into a phony phone call. He said he has some clips of conservatives getting worked up over drag queens. He played some clips of some people going nuts over these drag queens. Howard said the guys took some audio of him and had him call some conservative radio show to talk about drag queens or something. Howard played the call where Chris Wilding called this show and he was at a drag queen show with his son. He had Howard clips as his son. They had changed Howard's voice to make it more high pitched. They had him saying hi to his cats so that sounded like he was saying hi to the drag queens. The host of the show was telling him that he's doing the wrong thing and he has to think about what he's doing. The host of the show hung up on them while the drag show was going on.
Howard said that tomorrow they'll say hi to Pamela Anderson and do a lot of stuff they didn't get to today. He did a live commercial read and ended the show around 10:15am.
Howard said Matt told them that he was going to do Johnny Carson but he changed it to Howard at the last second. He said Dave thought he was a deranged homeless person. He said something must have been up. He said Dave doesn't really contact him that often. He said somehow he's involved with this now.
Howard said this is Matt doing his thing with David Letterman. He said it may not play well on radio. In the clip Matt was asking Dave about how great he was on his show every time and how he made him laugh every time. Dave went along with the bit.
Howard laughed. Robin said poor Dave. Howard said he was going to write him back and ask if he was going to get a restraining order. He said it's a funny video because it looks like a hostage situation.
Howard said Dave was a good sport about it. He said 6 months down the road Dave will think he was accosted by Howard Stern on the street. He said when he hears him do that impression he starts talking like him. He said Matt got over 20 million likes on TikTok. He said he's everyone's friend, Matt Friend.
Howard did his impression of Matt Friend doing the impression of him. He said people are commenting on Robin's appearance lately. He said she looks really good after her weight loss.
Howard said he was writing in his journal the other day and he wrote the date as 2026. He said he wrote in there that he had just lost 3 years of his life. He said he's not sure what happened there. He said he thinks that's when their contract ends there. He said maybe it was wishful thinking. He said his contract is up in 2026. He said the guys just told him that's the case. He was doing more of the Matt Friend impression asking ''Right Robin?'' over and over.
Howard said he was talking about the football game this weekend between the Chiefs and Bengals. He said they were trying to get a bet going with Richard and JD. He said JD came to him this morning saying he wasn't able to sleep last night. He said he doesn't want to be making out with Ronnie. He said he's not into this thing. He said he'll do anything for the show but this is making him lose sleep. He said he can't make JD make out with Ronnie. Robin said she likes to see him uncomfortable when this stuff comes up.
Howard said he can't figure out Ronnie's angle on this. He said it's weird. Ronnie said he is the bet. Howard said Ronnie is a very sexual guy and he's up for anything. Robin said they had no idea just how much. Howard said Ronnie is his guy. He said he'll do what you need him to do on the show. Richard said Ronnie wanted JD to lose so he didn't have to make out with him. Ronnie said absolutely.
Ronnie said he slept like a baby yesterday. He said he was in bed by 8. He said he has this thing going on because he got hit in the face with a garbage can. He said the other day he was out and the can had blown over outside. He said he went to pick it up and the flap on the can got hit by the wind and it smashed into his face and nose. He said it pushed his glasses into his eyes. He said now he has this thing on his eye. He broke a blood vessel in his eye. Howard said he has a mark on the side of his head too. Ronnie said it's just his nose and eye. He said he doesn't think it's broken but it fucking hurts. Richard asked if he fought back. Ronnie said he did. He said he fought back like Tom Chiusano and his suit.
Richard asked if he has video of the incident from his doorbell. Ronnie said he'll have Stephanie look for it. Howard said please do. Ronnie said he got so pissed he flung the garbage can. Howard said he showed him.
Howard said he wouldn't mind it if there was a bet with JD and Richard. He said Richard called his dad and told him the bet and that he might have to make out with Ronnie. Howard said his dad is so great. He doesn't even care that he's going to make out with a dude. He said you have to hear this. He said Richard's dad is just like ''Okay bub.'' JD said they wanted him to call his dad and he didn't want to do it. Ronnie said he wouldn't have cared. JD said yes he would.
Howard said Blitt called JD and asked him to call his dad. JD said it was Blitt. Howard said this is JD being asked to call his dad. He said JD just hangs up on him. Howard played the clip of Blitt asking JD to call his dad and JD hung up on Zoom right away. Ronnie said good for you dude.
Howard said Richard said he'd do it and he called his dad. Howard played that clip and Richard told his dad what was going on. Richard's dad didn't seem to care that much. He didn't make a big deal out of it. He said nothing surprises him after seeing what he's done with Sal. Howard said his dad is the best. Richard said he saw him do crazy shit with his buddies when he was living at home.
Howard said he noticed that he talks at half speed when he talks to his dad. He said that must be a Kansas thing. Richard said he thinks it's a him and his dad thing. He said he does slow down when he talks to his dad. Howard said it sounds like they're slow adults but it's more like the Andy of Mayberry thing. He said they just slow down. He said it's not like the city folk. Richard said there he was known as ''Slow'' when he was younger. He said they still call him that when he goes home.
Howard asked if he was good in school. Richard said he was actually. He said he was good in math and things like that. Howard had the Andy Griffith theme song playing and talked like Richard talking to his dad about the stuff he does on the show. He was also talking about why he's called ''Slow.''
Howard said he can't make JD make out with Ronnie. Richard said he likes the wiping the ass thing. JD said that Richard is like a Jackass kind of guy. He said he's not a Jackass guy. He said he's just a lame fucking guy. He said he's just a lame nerd who doesn't do anything.
Howard said if anyone can come up with something during the show today he'll think about it. Howard said JD was up at midnight not able to go back to sleep because of this bet. Ronnie said he thinks that JD thinks it's a jinx. He said that's going to fuck up the game for him.
Howard answered a knock at he door and it was fake Mark Wahlberg who was going off on JD for not just kissing that man on his lips. He said you can't go back on your word. Howard asked Mark how long he's been in the gym today. Mark said it's been 7 hours now. Howard asked Mark about JD having to shave his head if he loses. They mentioned shaving his pubes for that. JD said he'll shave his head. Howard said if he loses he shaves his head. If Richard loses then JD shaves his pubes and they'll glue them to Richard's face and he has to wear that pube beard for a full day. Robin said one day wasn't much. Richard said he has to wash his face at some point.
Howard said maybe Richard has to wear pube eyebrows too. Richard said only if JD has to shave his eyebrows if he loses. JD said he shaved his head years ago and he may not have looked his best.
Howard said Mark is amazing with his commitment. He said he has to try to inspire his guys. Fake Mark was talking about doing arm curls with 600 pounds. He said with his other hand he's shaving his pubes.
Howard said Mark has a perfect physique. He asked if he ever just works his calves. Mark said he does have to do that at times. Howard asked if he ever poses in the mirror and admires himself. Mark said that's half the point. JD was cracking up at the impression of Mark and Howard asked what's so funny. JD said it was a line about ''tongue punching a brown star'' that cracked him up.
Howard said Mark is very dedicated and he admires that. He said he's unbelievable. He asked if he has time for movies. Mark said he has too much to do. He said he has to get back to his work out now.
Howard asked if he ever has anyone over to train with him. Mark said Mario Lopez is always over there. He said he ash a great body too. Howard said some people would say he sends too much time in the gym. He said people say he's kind of short too. Fake Mark was getting angry and told him to say it again. Mark told Howard never to call him short. He was huffing and puffing about that. Howard said he has to compliment him on his symmetry. He said that's important to him. Mark said both sides matter. He said he jerks off with his left arm and you have to keep your body guessing. Richard said JD was just nodding to that.
Howard asked Mark if he ever thought about getting rid of his Boston accent. Mark said he did a movie called Limitless. He said everyone loves his accent. He said he can lose it if he wants to. He said that line ''Park the car in Harvard yard'' but he still had the accent. Howard had him trying a bunch of accents and they were all the same Mark Wahlberg voice. They didn't change his voice at all.
Howard asked why he hasn't played a super hero. Mark said he's playing Stephen Hawking next year actually. He did that voice but it was just Mark saying he was a computer.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she loves Mark's accent and he is so spot on with the accent. Mark said he's from there. Howard said he's also married to a beautiful model. He said he can't go out with Ann. Mark said that women would be all over him if he was single.
Howard let Mark go and told JD to tighten up his act. Mark said he knows JD has it in him. Howard said release your inner Wahlberg.
Howard asked JD if he feels good about this bet. JD said shaving his head is better than kissing Ronnie. Howard said Wayne Siegel said he'd put up like 2 grand but it was some convoluted thing. He said he's not even sure what he was going for. He said he was willing to put the money up for both guys. It was a grand for each. Howard said he had some stipulations for that though. He said he wanted Ronnie to fondle JD's balls or something. Howard said thanks to Wayne but that's probably not going to happen.
Howard asked if the bet is on or off. JD said he'll do it. He said he'll shave his head and grow his pubes out for the bet. He said he keeps his pubes manicured. Howard asked if they're long enough to make a beard. JD said they might be but he may not know until he shaves them all off.
Howard said he has long pubes. He said he has to cut them with a scissor. He said they need them nice and long. JD said he only has a clipper. He said he has scissors but doesn't use them for that. Howard said he should have scissors. JD said that he has them but he doesn't use them for trimming down there.
Howard said JD can't even use a lighter so he may hurt himself with scissors. Ronnie said he'll probably cut his cock off. Richard told him to use those kid safe scissors.
Howard did his impression of Richard talking to his dad again. He had him telling him about the pube beard.
Mike mentioned that the beer he has is unpasturrized so Howard wondered who would drink that. Richard said he's been drinking that one since 2008. He said it's hard to get around there. Mike said it was fresh. He said it's good for a couple of weeks. Howard asked if he worries that it wasn't taken care of properly and wasn't cooled. Richard said he doesn't care. Robin said Richard doesn't care about any of that stuff.
Howard asked how much he drank at the football game. Richard said it was maybe 12. Howard said that means it was 20. Richard said he brought some low alcohol IPAs there. He said he nursed them. He said he was peeing in a bucket with kitty litter in it. He said that's the bathroom he was using there. He said it filled up so they had to empty it and put more kitty litter in it.
Howard said he knows Richard eats anything. He said he used to bring in yogurt that he'd leave out. Robin said he used to eat deer jerky that was bad. Richard said he wanted to eat something this morning but what he found was 3 years old. He said he's feeling fine so far though. He said it was an energy bar. Howard said it expired in 2020 and he ate it. Richard said he did. He said he thinks that ''best by'' dates just mean they taste better before then.
Howard asked if they leave food out on the counter overnight. Richard said no. He said they put stuff away. He said he grew up on a farm and the ate a lot of weird stuff. He said his parents would go to the store where they sold expired stuff. He said he would eat that old food all the time. He said he's used to that. He said his parents and grandparents used to make a trip out of it and come home with a ton of food.
Howard did his impression of Richard's father talking to him about the expired store. They played a song parody about Richard being a dirty man after that.
Howard said Richard would pack his bag the night before with yogurt and he'd came in and open it and stink up the whole office. Howard said he would never do that. He said he throws out bad food. He said maybe write a note to himself instead of putting it in the bag 12 hours before going to work. Richard said that's a good idea. He said he used to drink the yogurt like water.
Steve Nowicki said that stuff used to smell like feet. He said he'd eat old chicken too. He said it was like a week old. Richard said he'd ask Sal if it smelled like it was okay and he'd just say yes. He said that he waned to see if he'd get sick. Steve said then he'd eat it and a little while later he'd have to run to the bathroom. Richard said his parents used to find road kill and they'd smell it to see if it was still fresh. They'd bring it home if it was fresh. Howard said he'd love to see video of that. He asked if he would just throw it in the truck. Richard said he would. He said he'd watch him do that and if he jumped back then he knew it was bad.
Howard said imagine how bad it had to be to pass on it. He did his impression of Richard's dad talking about getting pigeons for Thanksgiving.
Howard asked what the worst thing was. Richard said it was a snapping turtle that they found smashed flat on the side of the road. He said it was recently flattened. Howard said his dad has confidence enough to know it's recently flattened. He wondered how you get that skill. He said you must have to check for maggots and stuff. Richard said his dad is like a super hero. He said he could see quail hiding from 200 yards away. He said he had a sixth sense about it.
Robin asked if they had to pick shell out of the turtle meal. Richard said they probably did. Howard asked if that could feed the whole family. Richard said it was a meal or two. He said turtles like that can get pretty big. He said he thinks his mother would boil it or cook it in a Crock Pot. Howard said it's no wonder he's willing to kiss Ronnie after everything he's had in his mouth.
Howard said when they pass away they should study this family. He said they eat some crazy stuff.
Howard said you don't know what was wrong with the turtle that it ended up in the road. He said it could have been sick for all they know. Richard said it could have. He said they can have leprosy. Howard said they won't even feed road kill to homeless people. He said they get regular food for homeless. He said that's wild.
Howard asked if they had a spice or seasoning for the turtle. Richard said they rarely used seasoning. He said they may have had salt and pepper. He said it was really chewy too. Howard said you must slice it like a roast beef. He said maybe some potatoes on the side. Richard said he thinks it was more like a pulled pork in the Crock Pot. Howard said he'd think that he'd make some kind of goulash if he could. Richard said that's what he did. He said it was really tough. He said he only ate it once. He said his parents never made him eat it again.
Howard played a clip of Richard's dad talking about how to prepare road kill. That was from a show long ago when they had him explain how he did it.
Howard asked Richard what his mom's first name is. Richard said Patricia. Howard did Richard's dad's voice talking to Patricia about how to prepare road kill.
Richard said one of the things he ate one time was a bull tongue. He said his grandma made it. He said it was really tough. Howard was still in Mr. Christy's voice talking about all of this stuff.
Howard said Richard's family would have survived if there was an apocalypse. He said they'd be around during the zombie attacks. Richard said that they would get snowed in and they'd pull something out of the deep freeze and surprise them.
Mike said that they could cause an zombie apocalypse too. He said that's like what happens on The Last of Us. Howard said Tales of the Walking Dead is good too.
Richard said he ate pickled pig's feet once too. He said that's a jar full of pig's feet that you chew the meat off of. Mike said that his fraternity made him eat that. He said you end up spitting out bones.
Richard said his dad used to save racoon penis too. He said it was like a toothpick. He said that he doesn't know if he used them like that but he had them. He said it was weird.
Howard said he's going to throw up from this. Robin asked if anyone ever came over for dinner. Richard said they went to a dinner part once and his mom brought a meal and she told them that it was raccoon meat in the stew. He said this woman thought it tasted great but then she found out it was racoon and she wanted to fight his mom over it. He said they had to leave the party.
Richard said he knew a guy who would just stick his hands in a Crock Pot and et right out of it. He said people didn't want to eat from that after he did that.
Howard said he would check out a book from the library and they knew it. He said they kept track and they'd call you when they were missing for long. JD said he used to work in a video store and he had to call people who were overdue. Howard said he can imagine that call. He did his impression of JD mumbling to the customer about their missing videos. JD said that was the worst part of the job. Howard said JD tracked those assholes down.
JD said the worst was when it was a Girls Gone Wild video or something. Howard said you should buy your own copy of something like that. Howard asked JD to pretend to call him and tell him that his Girls Gone Wild video is late. JD did his thing and stumbled over his own name while telling Mr. Stern that his videos were late. Howard said he sounds like a pussy so he's not returning the video. JD said he'll just refer him to his manager.
Howard said he has to take a break. He let JD and Richard go after that. They played clips of them saying Bengals, Bangles and Bingals. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said they had these guys on the show years ago. He said Peter Steel died at 48 years old. He said he had some kind of sepsis from Diverticulitis. He said he posed for a full frontal nude in Playgirl. He said he liked that guy. He said this is a good song. He said he played it for Neil Young and he doesn't think he liked it. He said he quickly moved on when he saw the look on his face. Howard said he likes this version though.
Robin said sometimes they have the song in their head as a certain sound and they want it that way. Howard said Bruce Springsteen likes Patty Smith's version of his song. Robin said she thought he wrote it for her. Howard said he didn't. Gary said he's pretty sure that Bruce had written ''Because the Night'' but didn't have the verses and Patty wrote them. Howard said that's right. He said she did finish the song. He said don't challenge him on this stuff. He said he knows. Howard said he is now the expert because he interviewed Bruce here and for HBO.
Howard said we're the richest country on the planet and when someone leaves office they should not have interns packing up their office. He said it's very important stuff. Robin said they should have someone with high clearance cleaning out your office. Howard said they have interns do it. He said he's not sure how we handle the top secrets but this isn't how to do it.
Howard said that someone should keep track of all of this stuff. Howard said get some librarians in there.
Howard said he has a few things to talk about. He said that they have a special coming up next week. He said that this month is Benjy's 25th anniversary of working on the show. He said it's been 25 years. He said the guys are going to celebrate on Howard 101. He said they're going to concentrate on one thing a day on this special. He said they'll do one day of Benjy being late. He said don't let him hear that. He played a clip from 2016 when he kicked Benjy out of the studio for coming in late. He didn't want him in the studio if he was going to continue coming in late.
Howard said that he prefers public shaming to firing someone. He said it wasn't just work. He said Benjy is late for lots of things and he always has an excuse. He said they created a game around the whole thing. He said to celebrate this he has a What Was Benjy's Excuse game.
Howard said in this game Robin has to guess what his reason was for being late. He said he was late to his 50th birthday party. He gave Robin some choices for that and Robin picked one where he was out buying outfits for his girlfriend. Robin was right. Howard played the clip where Benjy explained why he was late.
Howard said this special is such a bad idea. He said that it's just making him angry. He said Benjy was late to a staff party in 2019. He asked what the reason was. Robin picked one where he got a massage before the party. Howard played the clip and Benjy said he was late because he had to tie up a bunch of loose ends before he left the apartment.
Howard said Benjy showed up at 10pm to a party that started at 2pm once. Robin said she's sure he has.
Howard said they booked a chartered plane to go to Bubba The Love Sponge's wedding. Howard asked what Robin thinks his excuse was. Robin said it had to be that it was being dropped off at the wrong terminal. Howard played the clip and Benjy said that it was the terminal thing.
Howard said Benjy was late to a Peloton Live class once. He asked Robin what the excuse was. Robin said it had to be wanting to shower. Howard played the clip and Memet was talking about him showing up late and Benjy said he got off at the wrong street and his credit card wasn't working in the cab.
Howard said it's always an issue. He said Benjy showed up late to a dinner party he had where Robin ordered the $800 bottles of wine. Howard said he had Robin and Fred there and he invited Benjy. He said Gary was there too. He said Benjy was late. Howard asked Robin what his reason was. Robin said it had to be him miscalculating how long it would take him to get ready. Howard played that clip and that was the reason.
Howard said he should have been the first one there. He said he didn't invite Will or Jason or JD. He said he gave it to Benjy and he fucked him anyway. He asked if he can cancel this special next week. He said he's not sure why they're honoring him. He said it drives him nuts. He said it really does. He said this is him going nuts. He played a song parody where they had Howard telling Benjy not to be late.
Howard said here's another one. He said Samantha who works for them invited Benjy to her father's funeral and he showed up late to that. Sam got on and said that it was nice that the staff showed up. She said it was very touching. She said on the way out you hug people. She said her cousin stopped her and said that Benjy was late. She said that she's a fan of the show and she may have been star struck. She said she realized that it's not a shtick. Howard said the guy needs constant attention. He said it's ridiculous how much attention he needs.
Howard asked Sam what his reason was. Sam said she doesn't know. She said that she was busy with her dad's ashes. She said later that night she mentioned it to her husband and he confirmed that he was late. She said she did remember the sorry when the game came up. Howard said that's ridiculous that you have that M.O. He said you must examine yourself and wonder why that is.
Howard asked Benjy if he ever thinks about why he's late to everything. Benjy said there are probably reasons for it but it's not to get attention. Howard said it absolutely is. He said it's narcissistic behavior. Howard asked if his special is encouraging him to be late. Benjy said he does love being talked about. He said that part is great. Benjy said he's not embarrassed by it.
Howard said Benjy also wanted to have sex with Sam's sister. Sam said she gets caught in the vortex a lot. She said she loves everyone there and she gets caught and doesn't realize it. She said that she didn't set him up with her sister. She said she's not sure how old Benjy is. She said she asked him and he won't tell her. She said he can be fun to talk to. She said she knows he's older but she can't get an answer out of him.
Howard said you can ask Benjy why he's wearing two pair of headphones and you'll get a weird answer. Benjy said he likes to move around. He said he has one set for moving and one for sitting still. Sam said she does the same thing but she removes one pair and puts them to the side.
Howard said he's so disrespectful. Benjy said he should have been on time like Howard and Robin were. Howard said she should be. Howard said Benjy wants attention so bad. He said he should have explored this with his therapist. Benjy said that he's not right about this. He said it's not the cause that he thinks it is.
Sam asked if Benjy is afraid to be late again. Howard said he's not. He said he doesn't like firing people and he will let Benjy keep his job. He said it's his own fault. He said he feels horrible when someone loses the ability to feed themselves. He said Benjy will look at him with those meatball eyes and he'll let him stay. He said he's the bad parent. He said he's a sucker ad he knows it. He said that Benjy is a shark and he knows a victim when he sees it and he takes advantage of it. Benjy said this is going just the way Howard thought it would. Howard said that's right. He said he warned him. He said people will walk all over him and he knows it.
Howard said Benjy is not introspective and he doesn't recognize the pattern. He said please throw this special right in the garbage. He said there must be a delete button.
Benjy asked if Howard has any behaviors that he wants to get rid of. Howard said of course. He said he has a tremendous anger. He said that's because of Benjy. He said he'd be calm if he could fire this guy. He said please throw Benjy and this special in the garbage. Benjy asked if he ever acts like he doesn't want to. Howard said of course. He said he's never been late though. Sam said it takes time to be late.
Howard played Benjy off with a song parody. Benjy was trying to say something but he played the song over him. Howard said the special is happening on Howard 101 next week. He said each day will focus on a certain Benjy aspect. He said they have live shows at 1pm to talk about the effect Benjy has had on the show. He said the host will be Michael Rapaport. Howard said also John Stamos recorded a tribute to Benjy for the special. He said they have spared no expense. Howard said he has many hours devoted to Benjy. He said one day he'll win.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said he loves this song. He said he enjoyed meeting her when she came on the show. Robin said she hasn't been able to stop thinking about the flute since she was on. Howard said he though she said the flu.
Howard said Pamela Anderson is one of the most beautiful and nicest people he's ever met. He said she's there now. Howard said he loves celebrating her. He said she's just so wonderful .He said she really is. Pam was laughing. She said they have had some great times.
Pam said she was upset that Howard isn't there. She said she thought he had moved to L.A. Howard said he watched her Netflix special and her book Love, Pamela is coming out next week.
Howard said Pam was like Marilyn Monroe in the 90s. He said he was thinking about some women like that. He said Raquel Welch, Farrah Fawcett, Greta Garbo and others like that have held that title. He said that Pam doesn't think like that though. Pam said she never did. She said she thinks she's funny looking. Howard said he has talked to beautiful women like that who think they're not good looking. He said they never see themselves in that way and it's very tragic. Pam said she hopes she has other qualities. Howard said she never thought she looked that good. Pam said she thinks she's kind of cute. Howard said it's too bad she thinks that way. Pam said her mom was a pusher of beauty and she thought that she'd be a better wife and parent if she looks good. She said her mom was really into hair and stuff.
Howard said she describes her mom as kind of ditzy and her father as this abusive alcoholic who was a monster of a man. He said he's thinking about her seeing her father trying to push her mother's face into the stove. He said that has to be devastating. Pam said her mom didn't have an easy life. She said they stuff those feelings down and relive the story over and over again. She said it's generational and her family put up with so much. She said she doesn't want to do that anymore. She said that's why she wanted to tell her whole story. She said she didn't want to be like a crazy person.
Howard asked Pam if she feels anger toward her father. She said she doesn't. She said they just moved in with her. She said both of them are there on her property. She said they can talk about this and get through it together. She said if her book did anything it was getting her mom into therapy. She said she went into therapy for the first time yesterday with her mom. She said that her mom had never done that before. She said she just held it in and went on with her life and walked on egg shells.
Howard asked Pam about moving back to Canada with her parents and if they're sill together. Pam said they are. She said they were 17 and 19 when they had her. She said that her mom told her that her dad didn't want to settle down but she convinced him to do it. She said she felt bad about that because she was the reason. She said she tried to rescue her mom a lot but she didn't want to be rescued. She said she has no bad feelings toward either of them. She said her mom did give her advice for men and she told her that she chose her kids over men and her mom picked her man over her kids.
Howard said Pam chose her kids over Tommy and her mom chose her father. He asked if she was able to talk to her about that. Pam said she did and her mom just wanted to go out shopping. She said she has to go through this so the rest of them can see a good example.
Howard said he can't imagine walking into that office with her mother. He said that must have felt like going up Mt. Everest. He said he feels like he's hurting his mom too much to talk to her like that. Pam said it's hard but it also helps. She said that you hold things in and there's this undercurrent where they're connected on a cellular level. She said that they used to live 15 minutes away from her and now she brings this stuff up and her mom doesn't want to come visit.
Howard said he just can't do it. He said he thinks it would bring them closer. He said his mom is so broken already though. He said she gets defensive. He asked if Pam is going to continue. Pam said she is. She said that her mom did show up and she's there for her. She said it's good. She said that it's interesting to learn more doing this. She said it's interesting to give her tools to talk to someone without cutting them off. She said she thinks it'll be great.
Howard asked if her mom got defensive and all of that. Pam said she did and the therapist told her to just listen and learn. She said it was really good. She said that she's going on this big tour now and she did that right before. She said it's also like falling off a cliff. Howard said it's very brave.
Howard asked if her dad will go to therapy. Pam said no. She said he hasn't read the book yet. She said that she's supporting her mom first. She said that some day maybe she can present it to her dad. Howard asked if he's sober now. Pam said no but they have their night to do their own thing. She said her dad had a stroke 4 or 5 years ago and he's made a recovery from that and he's a little gentler. She said she's not sure what she's going to do about that. She said her mom has more energy than her. She said she has a lot of life in her.
Howard said it would have been great if she had a man in her life that wasn't a sexual thing and there was no quid pro quo. He said even when she wanted to be on Baywatch they had to go to Playboy and ask for permission. He said that her contract should have been negotiated without the Playboy thing being involved. Pam said her kids are very protective of her and her son was saying that she makes like $1000 a year in residuals from that show and that's it. She said he asked how that's possible.
Howard said kids on the internet these days own their own image. He said Pam didn't own her image and many posters were sold with her image on them. He said that they sold a ton of Playboy magazines with her. He said today kids can put their own stuff out and sell it. Pam said that she was the most downloaded person on the internet and she didn't even know what that meant. She said she didn't want that. She said that she was in the foreground because of that. She said she was doing a lot of things in her life and people thought she was nuts but now it's all in fashion.
Howard said he watched the documentary about her and she was noticed very early on and people asked her to be in Playboy and all of that. He said it's a whole saga. He said now that she looks back on her Playboy relationship does she see them as sharks or what. Pam said she loved Hef. She said he was so himself. She said she admired him. She said she didn't know any better at the time. She said she was just trying to get by. She was able to pay her rent and get her nails done. She said she didn't think about the 150 countries in the world watching Baywatch. She said that she felt safe at the Playboy Mansion. She said it was a sexy wonderful life. She said nothing bad would happen to her there. She said that you got outside of that and people got weird. She said she didn't want to hear that stuff.
Howard said that he'd imagine that when a man met her they probably had such expectations of her. He said that they must have thought their mind was going to be blown. Howard asked what that expectation was. Pam said she is pretty wild. She said she's a romantic. She said sex and love are important to be together. She said she was really loyal and she loved being in love.
Howard asked why Playboy handled her deal with Baywatch. Pam said she had no agent and that's the only way people could get in touch with her. She said she never thought she was going to be an actress. She said she didn't know what was going to happen. She said she did get representation eventually. She said she never got anything for the Barbie of her character. She said that they didn't have streaming back then either so they get nothing from Amazon for the streaming.
Howard said he went back and watched her on Saturday Night Live and he loved it. He said it was weird to see the sketch where Norm Macdonald played Tommy Lee and the whole thing was about not kissing her. He said that was close to the truth and that's what separated them. He said that he was very jealous and that whole sketch was about that. He said that was crazy. He said Tommy ends up beating up Norm for kissing her in a scene.
Howard said he has to believe that if she had someone structuring her career then they would have been able to find her roles. He said she can act. He said he feels like there could have been a legitimate film career there. Pam said she does get offers. She said that she was busy with Baywatch so she didn't get into other things. She said that she was asked to do Mask with Jim Carrey but she was busy. She said she was just bumbling along and finding her way.
Howard said Pam writes about how great it was for Tommy when the sex tape got out. He said that it wasn't so great for Pam. He said she was the ''slut'' having sex on film. He said that was tough for her. He said that did undermine her career. Pam said it wasn't a positive thing. She said it took it's toll on her relationship and her career. She said people are still capitalizing on it. She said she saw the Pam and Tommy thing on Hulu and that had nothing to do with her. She said she found out about it from her son.
Howard said he knows that she wont watch that show. He said he wouldn't either. Howard said Seth Rogen was one of the producers of it. He asked if she reached out to him. Pam said she felt run over by that one. She said they didn't portray either of them very positively. She said that it wasn't a fair thing as far as she knows. She said she wishes they had called. Howard said maybe she could have said she could have collaborated on it. Pam said she doesn't think she would have been involved. She said there's no reason to bring it up again.
Pam said her son Brandon is the one who produced her documentary and he did it because he wanted her to be able to tell her story. Pam said they went through everything and let it all out.
Howard said the actress who played Pam in the Hulu series reached out to her. Pam said she never heard from her. She said her representation may have protected her from that. She said she is an actress. Howard said that was Lilly James. Pam said it's not her fault. She said it's about the whole situation. Howard asked if she believes her that she reached out. Pam said she believes it. She said she did hear about it after she said she reached out. She said her people said that they didn't give it to her.
Howard said he saw that she was on the cover of George magazine which was JFK Jr's magazine. He said they must have banged. He said they were the best looking people on the planet. Pam said that they didn't but he was so good looking that she didn't even think she could talk to him. She said he was so charming and they only spoke on the phone. Howard said she has to be kidding. Pam said she's not. She said she never met him.
Howard said he thinks that she didn't want to meet him because he was the nice guy and not the bad boys that she was used to going out with. Pam said she needs a therapist. Howard said she says the only man she ever really loved was Tommy Lee. He said he wonders what her definition of love is. Pam said that she and Tommy have the kids in common. She said that it was a heightened kind of love at the time. She said they worshiped each other at the time. Howard asked if it was real love or was it just worship. Pam said you have to have that kind of worship because things won't last forever. She said she doesn't think she ever gave herself a chance to have another relationship after that. She said she was just going through the motions. She said it was nothing like she had with Tommy. She said it was more stuff to bring her down. She said she had people in her life who were there to numb the pain. She said it was nothing healthy.
Howard said some of the marriages were quick. He said he remembers hanging out with Kid Rock and her when they got married. Pam said she thinks she was banned from doing the show when she was married to him. She said she was forbidden.
Howard asked Pam when she knows that getting married quick was a bad idea. Pam said she knew when she got married. She said that it was just after the ceremony. Howard asked how that works. Pam said it's embarrassing. She said she feels like she just jumps into something like she and Tommy did and it will work. She said it's not the same thing though. She said it just doesn't work. She said she slowly has to find her way out. Howard asked if she makes herself unemotional or what. Pam said she thinks she tries but she detaches a little bit and that makes people crazy. She said any sign of lying or disrespect is her sign to leave. She said if someone gets angry and starts breaking things she can't take that. She said she runs for the hills with her boys.
Howard said Pam thinks she pushes a guy's buttons. Pam said not on purpose. She said that she looks back and sees that she picked people who were kind of unavailable. She said this last year she's been alone and it's been an incredible year. She said she's looking back and reflecting on things. She said she's growing up now and she feels good doing it.
Howard said Pam writes about the sexual abuse she went through in her life. He said the first person she had sex with raped her. He said that the guys she dated in high school wanted to own her and she can't even go to her father about it because he's an abusive guy. He said there's nothing there from her father so she just sat with it. Howard asked if all of that has come back to her now that she's in therapy. Pam said she used to have an analyst back in the Tommy days and that was all the therapy she did back then. She said that she usually writes it out and tries to work it out for herself. She said she has hundreds of journals. Howard said he found her poems to be upsetting. He said she has to see herself as traumatized from all of this. Pam said she has done a lot that's helped her heal. She said there are a lot of wounded people in L.A. She said she found her gang of supporters there. She said she used to have this game she played with her friends where they would sit in a bathtub and tell stories about bad experiences they had before they were 6 and they all had them. She said they'd just move on after telling the stories.
Howard asked Pam if she got paid when she did the phot shoots for Mark LaChappelle. Pam said no. Howard said those were great pictures. Pam said he was an artist so she didn't get paid. She said her son Brandon is 26 and he told her this has to stop. She said he's not going to allow this to happen anymore. She said he's looking at it like a side project. She said that it drives them crazy that she doesn't care so much about money as they do.
Howard asked Pam if she can think of someone in her life who was there for her who was a kind relationship and didn't look for anything from her. Pam said Sam Simon was a friend who looked after her. She said Kelly Slater was a kind man. He said he was busy going around the world. She said that wasn't a steady thing. Howard said Kelly was in love with her. Pam said she was but then she met Tommy. She said she was getting ready for babies and she had to get married and have babies.
Howard asked how big her bathtub was that she was able to have more than two people in it. Pam said they'd go to a hotel or something and get in a big tub. She said Howard was in one of her hotel rooms. Howard said that was wild. He said he kept his underwear on though. He said he wasn't' going to be embarrassed in front of her. Pam said those were crazy days.
Howard said he imagines that ether are a lot more chapters in her about the Playboy Mansion. He said he's been there and it was crazy there. He said he can't imagine what it was like there for her. He said that she must have been hit on constantly. Pam said there are endless stories about that. She said she didn't even want to go there. She said there are a lot. She said her first day at the Playboy Mansion she was wearing jeans and they had all kinds of clothes there to change into. She said she thought the women there were just beautiful. She said they were all different looking too. She said they all had their own style. She said she just soaked it in like a sponge.
Howard said it seems like all the women who are in the Playboy Mansion go through the same thing and they all try to get them to dress a certain way and it's like the Twilight Zone. Pam said that Dave LaChappelle thought the same thing. She said that he'd think it was her standing there and there were thousands of women who looked like her there. Howard asked if she stayed there. Pam said she never did. She said she would stay in a hotel.
Howard said there are a lot of former Playmates who have stories about what they had to do with Hef. He said there's a lot of those stories. He said that's not what Pam went through though. He said some people come off poorly in the book like Scott Baio. Howard said he was inspecting her ears and feet. He said that was weird. Pam said there's nothing left to inspect. Howard said she says that Sylvester Stallone made her an offer to be her number 1 girl. Pam said that she went to his house once and she saw his paintings and he made her some MetRX Shakes. She said she has a lot of stories like that. She said Steven Seagal asked her to come to his house to get a part in a movie and she just said no. She said that she got caught up in things but she found her way out quickly.
Howard asked Pam if she ever thought about coming out during the #MeToo movement and talking about the things she went through. Pam said she's not a big social media person and she never really thought about doing it. She said that she had to have survival tools to get through stuff. She said that's what women have to have. She said she went on a photo shoot once with a guy who was going to take photos of her in Hawaii and no one else was on the plane. She said that she had to be on the flight with the guy for four hours. She said she ran off to a flight attendant and told her she was in trouble and she was put on another flight for free to get her away from him. She said she had to figure out how to do that on her own.
Howard asked when in her career that was. Pam said that was before everything like Home Improvement and Baywatch.
Howard said it's in the paper that Tim Allen exposed himself to her on Home Improvement. Pam said he's denying it and it was a kind of funny thing because he said now they're even now that they've seen each other naked. Pam said she wasn't offended by the joke but it was kind of uncomfortable. She said other people have done stuff like that to her. She said that she should be okay with it she guesses. Howard said he doesn't know about that. Pam said that Tim used to take her for drives in his car and fly through the roads. She said they were friends too. She said she looks back and thinks about it and it was crazy. She said that random people will come up to her and ask her to tell a sex story. She said she feels like a sex clown.
Howard said Pam says that Hef never came on to her sexually. Pam said he never did. She said they were friends. She said that they would talk on the phone all the time. She said he'd write letters to her and he was proud of her. She said that he was proud of her being on Home Improvement. She said that he wasn't thrilled with her being on FHM magazine. She said she got good and bad.
Howard said Playboy struggled after she did her 15 covers. Pam said he said she was the DNA of Playboy. She said she remembers the last cover of Playboy that she did and Hef talked to her and the kids about that.
Howard asked if she's still in touch with Tommy. Pam said they text here and there. She said he's married now and she doesn't want to annoy his wife. She said she's glad he's happy and has someone in his life. Howard asked if the kids still see him. Pam said they see him all the time. She said her son Brandon made this documentary about them because he loves his parents. He said the kids see they came from a loving relationship.
Howard said he and his wife thought they knew everything about her. He said they didn't know all that much it turns out. Howard asked if she would do it all over the same way. Pam said she had more good times than bad. She said she wouldn't do it any other way. She said she bought her grandmother's house and she's in the same place she was when she was little.
Howard said as wild as her life was to them it was 50,000 times wilder than they know. Pam said it was pretty wild.
Howard asked Pam about using drugs. Pam said she tried things but it didn't suit her. She said she didn't like the feeling of being high. She said that she would catch herself and stop doing it. She said she isn't sober but she doesn't drink much. She said she has some champagne here and there. She said she doesn't drink that much. Howard said she used to drink a lot of champagne. Pam said she did but not so much now. Howard said she went all out back in the day. Pam said now she's just feeling her feelings. She said it's a different thing. Howard said some of the stories she tells in the book he looks back and thinks how horrible it was. He said especially the abuse and rape. He said he can't imagine what it was like for her. Pam said she wanted the book to be balanced. She said she had her childhood, her career and now. She said she didn't want it to be a miserable book. She said she hopes it's inspiring.
Howard asked Pam what her plan is. Pam said she has no plan. She said she's all in and she's going to see what happens. She said she loves that feeling. She said she has no plans for anything. She said she's just in her garden at home with her dog and she'll see what happens.
Howard asked Pam if she wants to be with someone like Brad Pitt. Pam said he's fine but she's not looking for that.
Howard said Pam has a documentary on Netflix and that's called ''Pamela, A Love Story'' and she has the book out next week.
Howard said Pam has tried to be married to other guys and things just didn't work out. Pam said that she did and there were things that led to them breaking up. She said she can't do that. She said she wonders how she gets involved in all of that. Howard said he'd like to know who cheats on Pam Anderson.
Howard said Pam met a guy in France and fell in love. Pam said she did and it turned out that he had another family there. She said she contacted her through her dog's Instagram and said she could reach out to her if she had any concerns about her kids. She said she had no idea and there were other issues there. She said that the guys who have those issues are the ones who have the bad stuff.
Howard said jealous guys always threaten to kill you and rip your face off. He said it's crazy. He said they're doing it and that's the opposite of what they should be doing to keep you in a relationship.
Pam said she's taking a break from men right now. Howard said she was never really into women. Pam said she wasn't. She said that's not the answer.
Howard said Pam was abused by a babysitter. Howard said Pam wished her dead and she died on her graduation day in high school. Pam said she thought she had a murder on her hands because she did wish she died. Howard said that her babysitter was abusing her and guys abused her. He said it's just crazy. Pam said that her mom was abused too so she just thought that was part of relationships. She said it really scared her.
Howard asked if she will ever ask her dad why he did that to her mom. Pam said she had a dream about it and that was enough for her. She said she had that conversation with her dad and that was enough. She said she wanted to sit down with him about the book. She said she has warned him that it won't be good. Pam said she has been saying things and he won't be shocked when he reads it. She said her mom doesn't want him to read it.
Howard said that the parents get upset when the kids try to be honest with them. Pam said that's all she wanted to do. She said she has always known she could write a book. She said she did that and she hopes that her parents can see that. She said they can't get past that page where their name is written. She said it's just about how awful and negative she is. She said it hasn't hit them that she wrote a book.
Howard asked if the publisher was shocked that she was able to write the book. Pam said that was a whole thing. She said she knew she could do it on her own. She said that she did this 60 page thing that she wrote and they said he'd work on it. She said they called her back and said they'd show it to publishers as it was. She said the were thinking about a ghost writer. She said this one woman said that she liked her style. She said that she wanted to write it on her own and she did it. She said they just had an editor come in and help her out with that. She said it really is her book. Howard said that's unusual. He said that would make him read the book knowing that. He said that's really kind of intriguing to him. Pam said she has always done punctuation and stuff the right way.
Pam said the publisher is really happy with her and how the book came out. She said she did the audio book. She said it was wild to read the whole thing. Howard said he wasn't able to do that. She said it's just too much for him. Pam said she wanted to do it. She said it took her three days.
Howard asked if anyone asks her to mentor them. Pam said no. Howard asked if she gotten every man she wanted. Pam said she never really wanted men like that. She said she just went with what happened. Howard said she's never been rejected in that way then. Pam said not really.
Howard asked Pam about her mom asking her to put something nice on in the documentary. Pam said she put on like 25 pounds while she was writing her book. She said she always weighed about 115 pounds and she got up to 130. She said she lost it all when she was done with the book. She said it was like she was holding on to something. She said she wasn't eating anything different but her body was changing and she thought it was just from getting old. She said that her mother thought that she didn't' want to show her figure anymore. She said she was a mess at the time. She said if you like her at her worst then maybe you really like her.
Howard said Pam lost her weight right after the book. Pam said she did. She said she didn't do anything different. She said she was doing Broadway at the time but that wasn't it.
Howard asked how tall she is. She said she's 5'7'' and she always weighed about 115 pounds. Pam said her kids even noticed she wasn't looking so healthy at the time. She said she thinks it was good to get it all out. Howard said there must have something there. He said she unloaded all of her shit. He said there would be nothing left of her if she didn't have all of this stuff in her life.
Howard asked how she feels about aging. He said he feels horrible himself. Pam said he looks the same. Howard said thanks but he knows he doesn't. He said that things pop up with your health. Howard said the end could be soon. He asked Pam what she thinks. Pam said she loves the elderly. She said she never felt like a beauty. She said she's almost 56 now and she's not worrying about her looks so much. She said it's all about hair and makeup. She said she has no fear of death or anything. She said she's not a big worrier.
Howard asked Pam if she ever thought about ending it when she was going through the tough times. Pam said not after she had kids. She said when she was younger she just thought about not being on the planet anymore. She said she once took a lot of Advil and got sick. She said they came to get her and it turned out that she was pregnant. She said not with Brandon and she miscarried. She said she was just trying to end it but Advil and Vodka won't do it. She said she wanted to sink underwater in the bathtub. She said that she finally found someone who was a soul mate and Tommy was the guy. She said she felt like she was so in love and it was hard for her to go to work and he was so jealous. She said she didn't think anything would ever be easy. She said that her brother and Tommy were fighting in the hospital. She said the doctor came out and said she was pregnant and everything was fine. She said then she miscarried and then got pregnant with Brandon.
Howard said he doesn't think Pam has been in love with the love for real yet. Pam said her kids tell her she can't date anyone younger than her. Howard said the boys are very good looking and they sound smart too. He asked if she raised them to be respectful of women. Pam said they have had girlfriends for a long time and they are good about that. She said that they repeat things she has told them their whole lives. She said they have good relationships. She said they're very respectful of women. Pam said that she told her son that if he doesn't respect a woman then he doesn't respect her. She said women have to respect themselves first.
Howard said he has to set her up with someone. He said he should do that. Howard said her son did say she loves marrying. He said that he has to limit her to dating for 5 years minimum before marrying.
Howard said he read that she turned down the lead role in X-Files. Pam said she's never heard that. Howard said he thought that was real. He said he thought she turned down Austin Powers. Pam said she doesn't think she did that either. Howard said Pam was busy for that. Pam said she would have loved to have done that. Howard read through some other stuff and Pam didn't think any of that was true.
Howard said they celebrate her life. He said that he must have seen every issue of Playboy she was in. Pam said she thinks she was on the show every time a new one came out. Howard said he thought that if she ever wanted an ugly guy she'd come to him.
Howard gave Pam some plugs for her documentary and her book. He said she wrote the book herself. He said that will be on next Tuesday, January 31st. He said there's even poetry in the book.
Howard said Gillian Anderson said that Pam had the lead for X-Files. Pam didn't even know it. Howard said maybe Playboy turned that down too. He said Playboy was hiring her to do the magazine. He said they never should have been representing her for other work. Pam said that's how people got in touch with her. She said that they didn't have cell phones back then.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Pam is very calm about all of this stuff she had to go through. He said that they're not comping her in any way with all of that stuff. He said Hollywood is so disingenuous about everything. Pam said he had her until he said something about a hooker. Robin said he really does love her. Howard said Ralph loves her more than any other guy.
Howard said it's always good seeing her. Howard said Ralph is her knight in shining armor. He said he wishes he was as passionate about himself.
Howard said the kids are fine and Pam is happy. Robin said she loved the documentary. She said she loved learning more about her and seeing true happiness on her face while she was doing Broadway was great. She said she was so glad to see that.
Howard asked Pam if she has ever had someone offer her money for sex. Pam said she had a Sheik who tried to jump her. She said that she had to get out of Abu Dhabi quickly. She said that he had hired her for a Make a Wish thing. She said he was handsome but that's not what she was in it for. Howard said it's always great seeing Pam. He gave her more plugs for the book and documentary.
Howard said they love her. Pam said she loves them too. Robin said it was really good to see her. She said she's getting teary. She said they love her and haven't seen her in a long time. Pam said she can't believe that they're all still there. Howard thanked her again for coming in. He said he has to pee and she must have to as well. Pam said she does. Howard said it's hard to say goodbye. He let her go after she blew a kiss.
Howard said he doesn't like to see Robin upset. Robin said they got to hang with her a lot in the past. She said that it was sad to learn the tings that happened to her as a young girl. She said that it was hard to watch. She said it was so good to see her happy and getting accolades for her work. Howard said Robin was in a Playboy with Pam. She was asked 20 questions for an interview. Howard said how's that for a fact. Robin said it was really good to see her.
Howard said Ralph really loved Pam. He said they were all out at a strip club and she had come from some appearance and she had a long gown on. He said it had been loaned to her. He said Pam asked Ralph to turn the gown into a mini-skirt. He said Ralph ran off and found scissors to cut it. He said Ralph did his thing and Pam was happy. He said it was a great night.
Howard had Ralph back on the phone. Ralph said he remembers going in to cut the dress and he was on his knees and she was standing up. He said she was rubbing his head as he was doing this and he was going nuts. He said he was afraid he was going to cut her leg off. Howard said Tommy Lee would have killed Ralph over that. Ralph said the next day they found out it was like a $10,000 dress.
Howard said if Pam had put her hand on his head he would have cum in his pants. Ralph said that she had said that he had cut his hair. She knew that he had cut it.
Howard said Ralph really choked on the air with Pam. Ralph said they take advantage of her and it's just wrong. Ralph said he did say something about a hooker in that call and that wasn't the right thing to say to her. Howard had hung up on him earlier.
Howard said he'd like to know how Ralph found the scissors so fast that night. Ralph said he doesn't either but that dress had to be shorter. Ralph said he also wrote stuff on her leg that night that she asked him to do. He said he has a picture of that somewhere. Howard said Pam was fun. He said she still is. Ralph said she's smart too. He said that she got off that plane with that creepy guy.
Robin said men are proposing to her all the time. Howard said he remembers proposing got Pam in the strip club that night Ralph cut the dress.
Howard said the 90s were great. He said they had fun. Ralph said everything was great in the 90s. Howard said he was super hot back then. He said he knew that he could have spent the whole night being sexually frustrated or just go home. He said he knew that Pam had no interest in him. He said he had a job and he had to get home. He said it was probably a wise decision or he'd be in that book.
Howard mentioned the special they have coming up next week on Howard 101 about Benjy. Ralph said each day will be more annoying than the last. Howard said just try to get through it. He said the following weekend they have a Maneskin concert coming up on Howard 101. He said Ralph should look them up because the bass player just covers her nips with tape. Ralph said every female bass player should do that.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Mark Wahlberg told him to end the show and get to the gym fat boy. Howard asked for some advice on what to do in the gym. Mark told him what he's up to and what he should be doing.
Howard and Ralph talked about how Mark is a guy who has a gym in his trailer on the set of his movies. Howard said he had a trailer for America's Got Talent and he had that stuff. He said that he hated that trailer. Howard said Ralph loved all of that. He said he didn't want him to quit. Howard wrapped up with Ralph and told him he did a good job with that dress. He said what a woman Pam is. He said she can do it all. Ralph said she's a smart girl. Howard said maybe some day she'll call Ralph. He said maybe he's the one.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:55am.