Howard said he doesn't want to get too deep into this but he did say to Robin that he's going to have to run for president now. He said his wife said that he can't do that though. He said she wants Robin to be first lady instead of her. Robin said she said that Beth has to be first lady because she's not cut out for that job.
Howard said he would get rid of the electoral college. He said he's not sure if he could do that as president but he wants to find out. He said that he just wants to make the country fair again. He said Clarence Thomas has been waiting there dormant to do things like this. He said he's not sure how it happens but he must go to them and then talk in secret with them to find out if they can reverse Roe V Wade. He said it's hard to have a Supreme Court that openly lies. He said they lied about overturning Roe V Wade. He said they sat there on TV and said they wouldn't overturn it. He said he has a clip.
Howard said they found someone who didn't know that this had happened. He said that friend is someone he's not going to mention right now. He said this thing is so deep and these appointed judges by Trump were appointed by a President who lost the popular vote by 3 million votes. He said they rejected Obama's Supreme court appointment. He said this guy lost the vote and he won the election. He asked how long we can keep doing this. He said we're supposed to have a free election. He said the guy who won had less votes. He said that's the whole problem. He said the country is not bad. He said this Taliban government is not the majority.
Howard said he has some examples of why this is so bad. He said there are every day women who might find out their baby has horrible birth defects. He said there's a lot of fucked up shit that happens. He said try to get your kid special services for special needs. He said it's not easy to get into these programs. He said the Republicans don't care about the baby once it's born. He said they just don't care.
Robin said she saw a woman talking about how she woke up and the world had changed. She was saying that they're going to take care of the women who have the babies. She said she's a part of this party that doesn't go for social services so she's deranged. Howard said this is going to undo a lot of things. He said there will be interracial marriage bans and things like that. He said this is just the beginning.
Howard said we were past all of this. He said if he runs for President he will undo this electoral college and he'll appoint 5 more Supreme Court justices. He said he's not sure if he can but he will look into it. He said he's going to run and see what happens. He said Robin will be his first lady and perform some sexual acts on him. Robin said she is duty bound. Howard said she can straddle him.
Howard said this is a horrible day and a horrible thing. He said he's not sure how we're going to get out of this one. He said this guy he knows bought himself a villa in Italy and he's moving there. He said he doesn't like the way this is going here. He said this is a real thing for him.
Howard said this guy is an older dude. He said he's not sticking around here. He said Canada is looking better and better. Robin said they can still broadcast from there. Howard said this country is really fucked up right now. He said they're even talking about getting rid of the morning after pill. He said that's not even the abortion thing. He said they also want to get rid of the pill. He said what a diaster this is. He asked what he can tell you. He said that he has 3 daughters. He said they're upset.
Howard took a call from a guy who said 15 years ago he had a patient who was pregnant with a baby who had a birth defect. She thought that god would fix it. He said she went into labor and she was in labor for 48 hours. He said the baby came out and didn't survive more than 30 seconds. He said this woman was devastated and he ran into her a few months ago and she's still depressed from that. Howard said if you're in South Dakota you have to have the baby. The caller, Dr. Tony, asked who is going to take care of these women never mind the babies. Robin said no one.
Howard asked about a baby being born without a head and if it's easier to give birth without a head. Dr. Tony told Howard that it opens up the cervix so the whole baby can come out. Howard said he's right, he wasn't thinking about that.
Howard said he likes this Dr. Tony. He said he starts talking like him when he hears his voice. He went into his celebrity agent voice talking like Dr. Tony.
Howard said he remembers when he was born his parents looked at his face and thought it would be better if he was born without a head. Howard said he's not a medical man but he thinks a baby needs a head. He said Dr. Tony's point is so well made. He said there are so many medical conditions that parents don't want. He said that God ain't going to take care of it. He said now the state has to take care of the baby. He said babies who are unloved grow up to be very angry and do not want to play by the rules. He said it's a diaster for society. He said try a couple of babies who were born into families that don't want them.
Dr. Tony said it's going to be complete chaos in the future. Howard said he hears the FOX News people saying it's up to the state. He said it shouldn't be. Howard said we're going to have orphanages filled with headless foster babies. He said that's what Dr. Tony is saying. Robin said there was a woman talking about how there are a lot of people looking to adopt and they will take care of this. Robin said yeah, that's going to happen. He said the baby is unwanted but someone will take it.
Robin said people were saying that it's their body, their right during the pandemic but not for women now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks as the father of daughters these people don't become magically pregnant. He said there is personal responsibility. Howard said that's a very simplistic answer. He said Beth has said to him that she would never get an abortion for herself. He said that she's not against it for anyone else. He said that's a personal decision. He said men and women should be responsible but there are times when women are rapes or contraception doesn't work. He said sometimes things go medically wrong. He said what these nut bags are saying is that they don't have the right to do anything about it. The caller said that they have the luxury to vote and they should vote as they wish. Howard said maybe some of these fuckers who don't vote will wake up and do something.
Howard said he's sick of this and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Robin said the protests are getting violent and we can't have that either.
Howard answered a knock at the door and Fake Mitch McConnell was there playing ''Celebration'' and dancing. Howard said he is what they call a sore winner. Howard spent a minute talking to Fake Mitch about this decision.
Howard said abortion is prohibited in 9 states now. He said this is what they're talking about. Howard said he wants to thank him for sending us back to the stone age. Howard let Mitch go and Robin said he's a ghoul.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to tell him a story about what happened to them with their baby. He said they got pregnant and they found out that the baby had a birth defect and his wife had a miscarriage. He said his wife was pro-life but going through that changed her thinking. Robin said we can't wait for people to go through that to find that out. Howard said you have to put yourself outside of this and think about the horrors that could happen. He said that is a very familiar story to him and others.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was calling about the unwanted kids. She said she has worked with kids who were beaten and they were now mentally retarded. She said they were sexually abused and things like that. Howard said it's horrible what happens to unwanted children. The caller said it was heartbreaking to see it every day. Howard said these kooky religious people didn't understand the reality. He said they think the baby is going to be taken care of but that just doesn't happen. He said babies are cute but they're not cute when they grow up unwanted. Howard said it's the kookiest thing ever thinking that god is going to punish them over this stuff.
Howard said they interviewed some anti-abortion people and they're not going to adopt these kids. Howard played some audio that Memet got with some people on the street about that. These people were saying that they would adopt but they have six kids of their own.
Howard said one of his daughters was involved in a program that reunited kids with someone in their family. He said that there were so many heartbreaking stories. He said that they would go to anyone they could find and no one wanted them. He said the kids were languishing. He said the families didn't want anything to do with them. He said that you find a baby healthy and normal and they don't want them. He said forget about kids with birth defects.
Robin asked who Howard thinks will win. Howard said he's going with Ronnie. Robin said that Lenny may have had more experience. Howard said that Lenny has said he has had his World Series ring in more women than Ronnie could possibly imagine. Howard read about what Lenny has gone through in his life.
Howard said they have done this thing before where they have their staff go through a mock job interview. He said they did that with Sal. He played a clip of Sal going through that with a job interviewer. Sal said some odd things in that interview.
Howard said it turns out they only hire morons there. He said maybe he was born without a head and they sewed one on. He said it's funny that Sal is really only qualified to work there and nowhere else in the world. Robin said they must be generous or something.
Howard said they have done this with other people and they have done it again. He said that you ask someone what they should say in an interview and you should say that you're a hard worker. He said you don't tell them that you're not a hard worker.
Howard said if he was being interviewed and was asked what his co-workers would say about him he'd say that they'd say he's a workaholic and things like that.
Howard said they had Lenny Dykstra do this mock job interview. He said they told Lenny what that was about and Lenny was the first job candidate to put on a suit for this thing. He said he also put his teeth in. He said he felt it looked more professional. He said he will go out on a limb and say that this is the worst job interview he's ever heard. He said Sal would get the job over Lenny in his point of view. He said he has never heard anyone do any worse. He said Lenny is 100 percent serious too. He said that they're not getting any job. Howard said he Zoom'd in from his pussy boat so that was the first thing he did wrong.
Howard played the audio of Lenny telling the job interviewer that he was in court that morning and he's too old and blind to do any work. He was cursing in the clip too. Lenny was asked to tell her about himself and he's ''too fuckin' blind'' at one point.
Howard said that was a disaster. He said they'd probably wrap that up pretty quickly if he did that. Howard said in the next part of the interview he told the woman that he hired a woman to clean his house and to clean his pipes. Lenny cursed more in that part too.
Howard said the interviewer is a good looking woman so Lenny was into her. Howard said she looked like she was in pain the whole time. He said that he gave one creepy answer after another. He said she asked how he structures his day and this is what happened. In the clip Lenny said it's all about money and pussy. He said people will bullshit you but you have to make the money to get pussy. He said just call it like it is. He said without the chips you can't play.
Howard said this woman was in shock. He said she saw Sal. He said he loves Lenny's delivery. He said you think he said money and pussy and think you mis-heard him. Howard did his impression of Lenny talking about all of that. Robin said he must be a fan of that Beetlejuice song about money and pussy. Howard said he must be.
Howard said he likes that he put his teeth in so he could be understood. He said he should have left them out.
Howard said Lenny told the interviewer that women don't like him. He played a clip of Lenny talking about that. He said he's not friends with women. He said he has worked with women and they would say that he fucked them good.
Howard said the interviewer is an attractive woman and Lenny was hitting on her. He said that's another no-no in an interview. He played more audio of Lenny doing his thing. He said that if he hugs her at the end of the day she'll know she's being hugged by a man. Howard said the woman said at this point she was afraid that he was going to pull his penis out. He said that would have been a problem. Howard said he wondered what kind of job Lenny could get after this. He said maybe he could be Harvey Weinstein's assistant when he was at the top of his game.
Howard said Lenny claims that he's getting more pussy now than he did when he was playing baseball. He said this interview went on and the woman felt safe over Zoom. He played another clip where Lenny told the woman that he'll give her his number and the best time to call him is 24/7.
Howard said he thinks that Lenny was trying to say he's a team player but it came out wrong. He said he wonders if he sent a thank you letter after the interview. He said that's what they say you should do.
Howard said they did an exit interview with the interviewer. He played some audio of Wolfie talking to her about the interview. Howard said she said that he would be incompatible with any company's H.R. department. Wolfie asked her what she would rate his interview and she gave him a zero. She said he was very offensive with his comments about working with women. She said that Lenny was the worst out of the group of guys on the show she has interviewed. She said she felt dirty talking to him over zoom and the other guys were in person and she didn't feel that way.
Howard said that's some interview. He said his man Lenny will be competing on the show tomorrow. He said the fans are super hyped for this. He read through some feedback about the upcoming game. He had some feedback in support of Ronnie. He played the theme song for the JeopHorny game too.
Howard played a clip of Lenny shit talking Ronnie about this game. Howard said he has some facts about Lenny. He said they called him nails because he was tough as nails. He said Lenny has already pressured Memet and the guys about getting the questions ahead of time. He said Lenny is in L.A. and getting upset about his hotel room. He had Derek and Memet on the line from L.A. Derek said that Lenny wanted to check into the hotel at 3am. He said they were driving their P.A. crazy out there. He said he had girls he wanted to bring to the hotel room and he told them tat he wanted to choke and slap them. He said they told them that everything was set but then Lenny called saying the room wasn't ready. He said she showed up an hour and a half early. He said they had to go down to the lobby to calm him down. He said he was being offensive to the clerk down there.
Howard asked if Lenny was with the ladies. Derek said he didn't but he had his bags there on a trolley. Memet said he thinks he likes to get his dick pills going before the women show up. He said he's very open about that. He said he carries around a duffel bag full of dick pills.
Derek said they're going to be on the pussy boat later in the week with him too. Howard said they better be careful because both of them are married. Howard asked if they would rather be on that boat or the Titanic. Derek said that the Titanic might have been safer.
Derek said that this morning was a nightmare for them. He said getting Lenny into his room was tough. He said they had to deal with him yelling at everyone. Howard said he was also asking them for the questions ahead of time. Memet said he thinks Lenny is going to win either way. Robin said she thinks that he'd lose even if he had the questions ahead of time.
Howard asked how Lenny is supporting his lifestyle. Derek said he always has something on the side. He said last time they talked to him he was involved with early at home COVID tests. Memet said it's a mixture of a lot of lawsuits and other things. He said he's also able to find fans who put him up in their homes.
Howard said Lenny was upset with Mad Dog over something and he went off on him in an email he sent. Derek said he's not sure when he sent it so they'll have to ask him about it tomorrow. Howard said a lot of people loved hearing from Mad Dog so they do have to find out why he was so upset. He read some of the feedback he got about Mad Dog.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he's looking forward to this game tomorrow. He said the guys are saying that Lenny will be out on his pussy boat later this week. Howard sang a song about Lenny's pussy boat to the tune of the Love Boat theme.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said what a beautiful song. He said he needs that today. He said he loves the Rolling Stones so much. He said we all do. He had some trivia about the song and asked who Robin thinks arranges the strings on that song. It turned out it was John Paul Jones from Led Zeppelin. Howard said things were kind of cool back then. He said it took them a long time to make this album because of drug problems. He said what a bunch of geniuses they were. He said they were on LSD when they were making this one.
Howard was going to pick his favorite Stones song but he thought that he can't do that. He said that people do love when he picks a favorite though.
Howard took a call from a woman, Marie, who said that she's concerned about Ben and Ray every day. Howard said he was thinking about this. He said he would like to know the statistic about how many guys his age have their parents around. He said he bets there aren't a lot. He said that both of his parents are alive. He said he's an old fart and he's dealing with that. He said at one point this weekend he was getting so much medical information that the doctor was talking to him like he was a doctor. He said he wishes his father put a tenth of the energy into raising him as he's putting into him now. He said he has to have someone come in to feed the guy now. He said he doesn't even know what's going on around him. He said his mother has checked out and she's not even asking about his dad. He said that he has a full time job on his hands trying to make big decisions for them. He said he has no choice in that.
Howard said he has some people who are taking care of his parents. He said he's not sure what he would do without the facilities that take them in. Robin said they don't have a luxury of time. Howard said he's supposed to be in his golden years wondering who is going to take care of him. He said he did his fucking job. He said now his mother is telling him she has a wonderful son. He said she's not even saying that. He said she says that she's blessed to have Beth in her life. Howard said Beth gets all the credit. He said he's the one paying for their care but Beth gets all the credit.
Howard said he's happy that his mother loves his wife. He said he loves her too and he thinks that's great. He said on the other hand he wants to tell her that he's the one financing all of this shit. He said he has two people who are helping her around the clock. He said he pays for the roof over her head and all of her food. He said she doesn't have a single bill. Robin asked if he has gotten one thank you at all. Howard said not at all.
Howard said Beth does a lot for her so don't get him wrong. He said his dad never thanked them for anything. He said he's pretty sure that he doesn't know who he is. He said he just hears him speaking with authority. He said his dad is doing okay in the hospital. He said they had to take him off some fantastic drugs. He said he was on Depakote and they had to take him off of that.
Howard said he hasn't been to the doctor himself lately. He said his doctor retired and he has to find a good one. He said he hasn't had a proctology visit in 3 years now. He said that they watched a fabulous movie the other night. He said it was called Cha-Cha Real Smooth. Jon Hein said he heard it's great. Howard said he wrote down who was in it. He said Dakota Johnson is in it. He said she's so fucking hot. He said he can't even handle watching her. He said she's outdone her parents with her acting. He said she's so much better than her parents Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith. He said he almost did a movie with Melanie. He said he was offered a bunch of movies after Private Parts. He said he demanded a meeting with Melanie and he got it. He said he didn't want to be in a bomb movie.
Howard said he went to this meeting and Melanie had it. He said she had the X factor. He said that he had chemistry with her but she may not have had it with him. He said that when he sees a kid from a famous couple going into acting he goes ''give me a fucking break.'' He said this Dakota is great though. He said she's so good. He said when she was in 50 Shades of Gray she was great. He said she's in this movie with this Cooper Raiff. He said he had to keep his phone on during the movie. He said he had 3 doctors calling him over his father the whole weekend. He said he was going to turn his phone off to watch that movie. He said he kept it on though. Howard said he managed to time it out perfect and spoke to one before the movie and one after.
Robin said Howard could get some relief from his prostate thing but he won't do it. Howard said he knows that they can do surgery. He said he won't do that. He said he could take a drug but there could be side effects from that. He said that he was up four times overnight to pee. He said he's terrible at getting back to sleep. He said his mine races. He said he was watching ''Hustle'' with Adam Sandler. He said it's good so far. He said he's only half way through it. He said he hasn't seen the whole thing. Marie said he wont want it to end. Howard went through the story that he knew so far about the movie. He said his wife in the movie is Queen Latifah. He said his mother would love that.
Howard said he was so stressed out by his parents while he was watching Umbrella Academy. He said he's got to cool it with the super hero stuff. He said he loves it and hates it. He said he loved Obi-Wan Kenobi. He said that he just finished that. He said it was fucking great. He said he has to watch something with substance. He said he loves anything FBI on CBS. He said he loves revenge movies too. Robin asked where he finds the time to paint. Howard said he painted something for Beth for her birthday. He said he could have done something better. He said he did put the effort in and he will give it to her.
Howard said he's reading this R. Crumb book. He said he loves that guy. He said he was doing a bunch of stuff with his paintings.
Howard asked Richard if they could do dialogs from The Big Lebowski. Richard said sometimes he could do that. He said he can recite some of it. Howard said he got sidetracked there talking about that.
Howard thanked Marie for the call and let her go. He said Richard was into Live PD. He said he has to play some clips from the show. Richard said its coming back. He said they're coming back in like 3 weeks. Howard said he heard his wife freaked out when they canceled the show. Richard said they were balling. He said they watched it religiously. He said they became like family to them on the show. He said you watch it so much and you get to know people on the show. Robin said Richard really found the right woman.
Howard said Live PD was on A&E and they were going to just show movies and arts and entertainment kind of things.
Howard said they canceled the show in July 2020 after the George Floyd shooting. Howard said they canceled the show and the show was like making a game out of law and order. He said the producers were accused of destroying footage of something that could be damaging to the police or something. He said somehow the show is coming back. Howard said Richard was going to have a drum to the tune of the Live PD theme. He said they were going to play it on their 300th episode but they were canceled before it happened. Howard played a clip of Richard drumming to the theme. Howard said that's what the inside of Richard's head sounds like.
Howard said he's not sure how he didn't make it as a drummer. He said he's so good. Richard said he has been voted one of the best. He said he did get to tour in his 20s. He said he played on the last Death album and that's considered one of the best metal albums. Howard said no one cares about that band though. He said he didn't make it. He said he had to come work for him because he was so down on his luck. Richard said he did pick music that was kind of underground. He said he did practice five hours a day and then went to band practice. He said he has done some things on the side too. He said it's hard to make money in music.
Howard said even if a lame band had picked him to be in their band it would have been good for him. Howard said Richard was living in a storage unit in Florida. He said he wasn't legally supposed to be in there. He said he once wiped his face with a cloth in there and it was covered in fire ants. Richard said he did that with a damp towel. He said he didn't even think about it after throwing the wet towel on the floor. He said he went out that night and he had red bites all over his face.
Howard asked if he got paid when he went on tour. Richard said he did. He said he would come home with money and he was paying like $100 for rent. He said he'd pay to go out and visit friends. Howard asked what the best year was for him money wise. Richard said he averaged about $500-700 a week on tour. He said they'd go on tour for like a month and he'd come home with a few thousand. He said they didn't tour the whole year. He said he went back to his electrician job. Howard asked what his best year was. Richard said maybe 19,000 for a year. Howard laughed.
Howard said what a fucking life. He said he must be the world's worst at managing himself. He asked where he was living. Richard said he was in Orlando. Howard said he was paying $100 a month for rent. He asked if he spent a lot on booze. Richard said he did drink beer but he would spend it on travel and fun things. Howard said he should assign someone to him to make sure he's doing his work there. He said he's so lazy. Richard said he's working his fucking ass off there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Dave Grohl asked him to be in the band would Richard do it. Howard said he thinks the guy was asking if the Foo Fighters asked him to do it would he do it. Richard said that would be up to Howard. He said he's actually happy where he is now. He said he loves it there. Howard said he love shaving him there. He said he's got a job as long as he can maintain doing it. Richard said this is his dream job. He said he listened to Howard non-stop. He said he would tape the show on a VHS tape and listen to it over and over all day. He said he likes the Foo Fighters but that was never his dream.
Howard said Live PD is coming back as On Patrol Live on the Reelz channel. He said that's happening in a few weeks. Howard said he has some clips from Live PD to play too. He said he does like hearing this stuff. He said he'd watch this too. Howard played a clip from the show where a drunk guy was rambling.
Howard said the guy sounds like a possum that learned to talk. He said when he watches these shows the police are comically polite. He said his uncle was a cop and he would never put up with this stuff. He said they'd sober them up real quick.
Howard said he hears that clip and that's what he thinks Richard would sound like now if he hadn't hired him. He said he'd be a terrible cop because he'd take out his night stick and beat that guy. Robin said no one knows what the police have to go through day to day. She said that they get judged by just the bad things that happen. Howard said you never know what people are up to and what might happen. He said it's the hardest job in the world.
Howard said he has more clips from Live PD. He said this is a guy with false teeth that fall out and no one wants to pick them up. Howard played that clip and the guy was trying to speak and his teeth fell out. The police said they didn't want to pick them up without gloves on. The guy got pissed at them for that.
Howard played a clip of another drunk guy talking to the police about how much he loves them. Howard asked Richard why he likes this so much. Richard said it does makes him think about being younger and it's fun to see people being wild.
Howard said with this abortion ban they're going to see more of this kind of stuff. He said that he would never have a camera on him if he were a cop. He said he'd never put up with nonsense. He said he wouldn't know where the bruises came from on the heads of these guys.
Howard said he'd have a show where he'd whack guys on the head with his night stick when they're drunk in public. He said he's the wrong guy to be a cop. He said his uncle was a sergeant. He said he had his gun in a holster on his hip. He said he had a revolver back in the day. He said he would look at that thing and think about how he'd be able to deal out some justice with that thing. Robin said she went out with some friends the other day and they had a gun on them. She said that she was shocked to hear that they had gotten rid of the conceal carry thing. Howard said the law is still in effect there though. He said the whole thing is bullshit. He said he wont get into that.
Howard asked Robin if she was out with friends again. Robin said she was. She said she ate outside and wore a mask to the place and then took it off to eat.
Howard said being a police officer is a tough fucking gig. Robin said having people being able to conceal their guns won't make their job easier.
Howard said he has another clip to play. Richard said he remembers getting wasted on the show and Howard got mad at him and he saw Officer Stern. He said he sobered up real quick that day. Howard said he wrote a love and hate list and he hates drunks. He said they're fucking annoying and stupid. He said he's sober and he doesn't even have trouble with alcohol. He said he thinks he took Richard into a room and tased him.
Gary said he was in Maryland a couple of years back and this guy was shitting on the ground and the cops wrapped the guy in a blanket. He said he was covered in shit. He said the guy was in the back of the car and the shit was all over. He said he realized they'd have to clean that shit out of there.
Howard said this is a clip of a guy shitting himself on Live PD. Howard played the clip and the guy said he had diarrhea and he has to go to the hospital. Howard said he'd love to give that guy some justice. Howard said this guy thinks it's like a limo service calling the police.
Howard said he could never be on that show. He said he'd have a whole plan for guys like that. He said if they shit their pants he'd have to beat him so he'd look like he should be in the hospital.
Howard said this is a drunk Richard calling Will. He played a clip of Richard doing that back in the day. Howard said his is why Richard likes that show. He said it reminds him of that. Howard did his officer Stern character going off on some of these guys. Howard said he'd be no nonsense. Howard said you need an officer like him to bend the law a little bit.
Howard said the cops on TV have to behave like girl scouts. He said not him. He said he'd be handing out tasings. Howard had a clip of a drunk woman from Live PD. Howard played that clip and the woman was rambling and cursing a lot and it was hard to understand what she was talking about.
Howard said he needs proof that was a woman. He said alcohol must mess up your voice. Richard said maybe there were many cigarettes involved in her life. Howard said he would release her with a tag on her ear to figure out if she gets in more trouble.
Howard said no wonder Richard loved this show so much. Howard said this woman hid crack in her asshole. He said they had to stand there while she tried to dig it out. He said if only Officer Stern was there. Howard played the clip and the cops asked the woman if she had stuffed a crack rock inside herself. The woman didn't have an explanation for why or how she did it so quickly.
Howard said if he were a cop he'd get fired so quick. He said people are a fucking mess. He said this is what he means. He said he would not be a good police officer. Richard said Steven Seagal used to ride with the police. He said he could be like him. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about him.
Howard said this clip so a naked guy on acid. He played that clip and the cops got the guy on the ground and he started screaming.
Howard said that's got to be more than just acid. He said he had to be on something else. Howard played the screaming again. The guy's buddy told them that they had taken acid. They were both naked apparently.
Daniel did his impression of Trump and Howard said he has to tell him something. He said he has the it factor. He said don't do it for anyone else. Daniel said he's not doing it for anyone else. Howard said he has to get him on an exclusive contract. He let Daniel go a short time later.
Howard asked if he does anyone else. Daniel said he does one other. He did another impression that was about as good as his Trump. Howard said he's up to something. He said that he won't make kids cry anymore. He said he learned that on America's Got Talent. He said he won't tell that kid what he really thinks. The impressions were awful.
Howard had Fred play the tapes of his Batman show impressions. He had tapes from when he was a kid. He played them and Howard said his friends used to call him Rich Little Talent. He said his parents had no interest in what he was doing so he never played that stuff for them. He said he shared a tape of his first radio show in college to his dad and he wrote 5 pages of nothing good. He said he was told he had no talent and he should stop saying 'Uh' and there was no talent there.
Fred played the clip again where Howard was doing the Batman stuff and he was doing the sounds for the car and things like that. He called it 'Got-Ham' city so Robin asked what that was about. Howard said he did that so he wouldn't get sued. Howard said all the signs of greatness were there.
Howard asked when Wolfie last had her over to his house. Wolfie said she's not allowed in the house but she did come over recently when they went out camping. He said he has no idea what will be played today. He said it's too painful to hear what she falls for. He said it hurt to hear from the other guys what she was saying. He said that she still hasn't been vaccinated. Robin said she wishes there was something to vaccinate her against what it is she has.
Howard said fake Alex Jones and Wolfie's mom were on the phone for 2 hours. Richard said he heard the whole thing. Howard said he did too and he may have to play it as a special on Howard 101. Wolfie said it gets worse and worse the more you hear. He said it's horrible.
Howard said he has a preview. He said when they come back they'll have her in full force with Alex Jones. He said they might get the whole thing on the app though. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said this is one of the best songs he's ever heard. He said just listen to that. He said she's easy on the eyes too. He said if she ever did porn he's pretty sure he'd like to see that. He asked if he microphones were on. He said he was watching porn yesterday and it was a very respectable teacher sitting there masturbating and she had a female student walk in and interrupt her. He said one thing led to another and they ended up doing things together. He said he loves it when that happens. He said he was peeing during the break and his pee was like a sprinkler. He said it was going all over. He said he had to wipe the whole toilet off. Robin said just pee on the floor at this point.
Howard said he had to wash his hands this time. He said he usually doesn't touch his penis. He said he was washing and washing and that's why he was late coming back. He said he was busy trying to hose down the bathroom.
Howard said he was peeing the other day and he doesn't know how it happened but he had pee on his leg. He said he had to change his underpants the other day because his body is betraying him. He said he's not sure what's going on.
Howard said he came up with a new word. He said he was sitting in the bathroom and he came up with ass water. He said that's the water that comes out when the Toto stream shoots up there. Robin asked how many people have that. Howard said everyone in Japan has it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to say that women who want to date Johnny Depp and people like that are messed up. She said she fasted and she looks like she's 20 years younger after that. Howard said Robin did that and turned people on to that. Howard said she's using sea moss. Howard said Robin has inspired many.
The caller was telling Howard about her friends not listening to him anymore and how she thinks that he has evolved and it's great. The caller said that Howard and Robin seem to have a lot of resilience in their lives and she asked if he thinks that having one adult in their lives that they could go to helped. Howard said no. He said he didn't have anyone to turn to. He said he suffered many traumas and never thought to go to an adult for help. He said they didn't offer him any solace. He said he remembered one incident in high school that he had pushed out of his mind. He said it almost cost him his life. He said he never thought about going to an adult about it. Howard said that parents should just be there for their kids. The caller started to talk about how she's the go to parent and Howard cut her off and hung up. He said that he didn't trust any adults until he got into college. Howard said he had a teacher in high school throw chalk at him. He said he was actually helping the bully who was beating him up by doing that. Howard said what a fuck. He said the professor in college was nice to him and his name was Jim Wilcox. He said he was a lovely man. He said he contacted him a few yeas ago and he said he didn't remember him. Robin said she was almost in a gang fight as a kid. She said that this guy who was around called all the kids in and talked them out of the gang fight. She said that he was right and she thought that the fight was he craziest thing she had ever heard.
Howard said Wolfie's mom is out there. He said she's refusing to get vaccinated and she believes in so many conspiracy theories. He said she is a strong woman and she sticks to her beliefs. Howard said he admires that Wolfie was able to rise above all of that. Wolfie said none of the political stuff came up until 2016 or so. He said that she has been weird but this all started in 2016.
Howard said she found her people when Trump came to power. Howard said that's what he finds. Wolfie said she has her purpose now. He said she's researching and finding stuff out. He said she has a trump standee in her living room too. Howard said he finds that the people on the fringe feel very comfortable saying stuff like ''fuck the gays'' or fuck your rights and things like that. He said it's a new era of embolden kookiness. He said everything goes.
Wolfie said his mom has been kicked off of Facebook multiple times and it's like a badge of honor for her.
Howard said Wolfie's mom believes a lot of these conspiracy theories. He said they figured she was ripe for a prank call from their Alex Jones impersonator. He said Steve Nowicki does the impression and they had him call Wolfie's mom. Howard said to make it as real as possible they produced it like it was a real show. He said they had commercials and games to play.
Howard played the first clip where Alex called Wolfie's mom, Barb, and talked to her about some of these conspiracy theories. She was telling Alex that she's hoping that Wolfie can help Howard Stern see the light some day.
Howard said in the show, which went on for 2 hours, Alex asked her to play a true or false game. He said she did so well that she won an Elk urine drink. Alex was asking her questions about the earth being flat and things like that. She said it's more disk like and we did not land on the moon.
Howard asked if this is the first time Wolfie is hearing this. Wolfie said he heard it when it happened but it's painful to hear. He said she thinks the earth is flat and that's the woman who gave birth to him. Howard said it got worse from there.
Howard said Barb and Alex were bonding over how Michelle Obama might be a man with a wig. Howard played some audio of that discussion.
Howard asked if Wolfie knew his mom was such a big researcher. Wolfie said she never did that until recently. He said she looks into stuff 2 hours a day but she's not learning anything. He said this is how she's spending her days now.
Howard said she knew a lot about 9/11 and a bunch of other conspiracy theory stories. Howard said she puts in a lot of time looking into this stuff.
Howard said Barb read a bunch of fake product stuff for fake Alex Jones. Howard played a clip of Barb reading a commercial for Alex. Howard said they prayed for each other and then Barb and Alex started speaking in tongues. Howard asked if Wolfie knew about this. Wolfie said she has talked about the speaking in tongues thing before. Howard said it's a beautiful thing. Howard played a clip of them doing that.
Wolfie said this is rough. He said he's crying. He said this is brutal. Howard said he must not see the humor in it. Wolfie said there's nothing he can do about it. He said there's no way to change this.
Howard played another clip of Alex talking to Barb about this crab man he speaks to and he only speaks in clicks. He had Barb speaking to him in clicks.
Howard answered a knock on the door and it was fake Alex Jones who told him that he blew it with Barb and now she's just doing his show. Alex said shame on Wolfie for being a demon and please let her know that the crab people were very moved by her words. Alex did one of his commercials before he left.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's so sorry for Wolfie and his mom has to get it together. Howard said that she should just stay off the phone with Alex Jones. Howard let her go and wrapped up with Wolfie. Howard said tomorrow they do have Ronnie and Lenny Dykstra going head to head in JeopHorny. He said everyone can't wait for that. He played the theme song for the game and ended the show around 10:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how his wife makes him feel like he's not a human being. He said she saw it was Chris Wilding's birthday yesterday and asked if he was going to send him an email or something. He said he didn't want to get started with that or give his email. He said he went upstairs and felt guilty about it. He said he's happy he's having a birthday but at some point you're too old for that. He said happy birthday to Chris. Robin said he should be doing it all the time and not just on their birthday. Howard said his wife was asking if he likes him and that he should send a card. He said he can't send everyone a card. He said he gets a birthday gift from Gary every year. He said he wanted him to stop that. He said he wants out of that. He said it's stupid that he started that. He said he's stuck getting him something every year now. He said he got him something extravagant last year.
Howard said he has to get him something every year. Gary said he doesn't. Howard said his wife makes him do it. He said he wants to stop but he can't. He said his wife is a really good person.
Howard said he goes crazy over it. He said he feels so guilty over it afterward. Chris said he wants to absolve him of any guilt he has. Howard said this isn't about him. He said it's about his wife. He said she's an angel. He said they sit with the cats in the living room and he wants to look at his social media stuff. He said his wife tells him to spend time with the cats. He said she's right and he wants to spend time with them. He said instead of reading twitter he spends time with the cats. He said Beth is smiling at him while she's looking at Twitter and Instagram. He said then the other cats want love and he has to give that to them. He said his wife is going ''Aww'' and he has to keep doing it so she loves him. He said he has to go up and do his preparation for the radio show too. He said then he says it's Chris' birthday and she tells him he has to do something.
Howard said he tells Beth he can't get started or he'll have to do it for everyone. He said no one cares it's Chris' birthday on the show so he doesn't mention it there. He said he shouldn't have told her Chris' name. Chris said he's met her. Howard said right. He said it was Chris' birthday yesterday. He said Beth asked if he sent a card and he said he'll just mention it on the air. He said don't be a Baba Booey and absolve him of anything. He said Baba Booey is going to get a gift every year because he started in with that years ago. He said once you start you can't stop.
Chris said he didn't get a birthday wish form Ralph either so don't feel bad about it. Howard said he can't get started with that. He said it starts a tsunami if he starts in with that. He said the smartest thing he ever did was never send Fred a birthday gift. He said don't tell his wife or she'll start in with that. Fred said he's happy without it.
Howard asked how old Chris is now. Chris said he's 34. He said they don't have to talk about that anymore. Howard said stop it with the birthday. He said he's too old for that. He said he won't get into that stuff.
Robin said she won't get started either. she said he'll say something if she sees it's someone's birthday but she won't get into it. Howard said he has to get something for her birthday every year too. Robin said he doesn't have to do anything for her. She said she's fine. Howard said he has two women he takes care of. He said he has Robin and his wife. He said he's Robin's husband. He said that's what he tells Beth.
Gary asked if he remembers the year that Robin said that he didn't recognize her birthday correctly and walked off the show. Howard said yes he does.
Howard said next year they'll have a big birthday party for Chris. Chris said he'll hate it.
Howard said Beth is such a good person. He said he mentioned something that Jimmy Kimmel did that was funny and she asked if he dropped him a note about it. He said he's always sending him notes so she told him to do that for him. Howard said then he has to go up to his room and send a note. He said he can't spend all day being a human being.
Howard said he's doing all of this stuff for his parents now too. He said he was on the phone with doctors and medical staff yesterday. He said people tell him to do one thing and another thing. He said he doesn't know how to do this. He said his father is out of control and he's not sure what to do about it. He said one doctor tells him to get one test and another says don't get that test. He said he's not sure what to do. He said his father is going crazy. He said thank god for those doctors though. He said they're his lifeline. He said they have a clue about what to do with the guy. He said he's not sure what he would do without them.
Howard said Dr. Shlofmitz is a big help to him. He said he sent him a birthday gift. He said that his mother didn't. He said she loves that guy but she's not the one sending a gift. He said his mother is talking about suffering. He said he's busy with Chris Wilding's birthday. He said everything guilts him. He said he ends up down a rabbit hole with this stuff. He said Chris is 34 years old and he'll be okay without him. He said he's a big boy now.
Howard said he got into a nightmare with this guy Baba Booey. He said Beth wants him to get something meaningful with a gift. He said he has to get Gary something. He said he gets into this tsunami getting him a gift. He said he has to get on the phone and spell out Gary's name for these people. He said they can't spell the name so he has to do that for them and have them spell it back for him.
Howard said when Gary did his MTV audition he said his name in a different way. He said he didn't care. He said he should just call himself by the right name. Robin said he could have shortened it to Gary Dell. Howard said that would have worked.
Howard said he hates the burden of the happy birthday routine. He said the only one he gets a birthday gift for is Gary. He said he won't get anything for Fred. He said Fred knows he's thinking about him. Fred said thanks for that. Howard said he loves all of his people he works with. He said they have a very funny staff. Robin said just say happy birthday to the whole staff once. Howard said he really does love the staff. He said he appreciates them but he doesn't want to be involved in the birthday wish thing. He said the people who are involved in that nonsense don't work. He said they're just sitting home.
Howard said he's so busy working that he doesn't have time to wish Chris Wilding a happy birthday. He said sitting there every morning is how he gets stuff done. He said he's busy working. He said he wishes Facebook would take the birthdays down. He said that's how Beth found out. He said he was the one who told Beth about it being Chris's birthday. He said that's when she asked if he sent a card.
Howard said he really loves Chris but he's not getting started. He said he wants to go for a walk instead. He said his body is falling apart. He said he has a belly and titties. He said he has to get compression socks now. He said his feet swell. He said he looks horrible. He said he doesn't even want to talk about it. He said the end is here. Robin told him to stop it. Howard said he knows what needs to be done. He said he's taking care of his father. He said he's going home today and the fireworks are going to start. He said it's going to be a wild fucking party. He said his mother is going to call telling him that his father is acting strange. He said he's not sure what he's going to do.
Howard said he's in charge of everything. Robin asked if she asks how Ben is doing. Howard said not at all. He said she's worried about herself. He said he never hears anything about him. He said he's taking good care of his dad. He said he wants him to have a good end to his life. He said he wants him to be free of pain. He said he's going to make him safe and feel taken care of. He said just like they did for him.
Howard said he's not sure why he's so concerned about them. He said he shouldn't care if his father feels safe. He said his father had him in an all black neighborhood with kids who wanted to beat him up and didn't seem to care. Robin said Howard is the parent now and he's a better parent than they were to him. Howard said that's why he doesn't have time to send cards to Chris Wilding. He said he wanted to call his daughters last night but he just stared at the computer screen instead. He said he'll have more energy today.
Howard said his mother tells him that she's lucky to have Beth. Howard said he should get her down there to tell Robin how angry he was about the card for Chris. He said Beth is like an angel. He said when she comes up with a gift it's amazing. He said he was throwing stuff out and she wanted to send this stuff out to her bothers or his kids. He said she's just so thoughtful. He said he can't be that way. He said only one of them can be that way. Robin said that's right.
Howard said he has someone on the phone from the staff who wants to be anonymous. He took the call from the staffer who said he wants a gift or it shows he doesn't appreciate him. Robin said that he once did something for Richard or Sal and that set off a whole thing.
Howard said happy birthday to Chris Wilding. He said that's it with the birthday wishes for now. He said maybe Fred and Robin but that's it. He said he sends Fred a card every year. Fred said he appreciates the thought. He said it happens during the break so it's good. He said he doesn't like birthday's that much anyway. Howard said that's good.
Richard said Robin mentioned something he did for him that set Sal off. He said he got him a big screen TV. He said they found out on air and Sal got upset about it. He said it was an old TV that Howard was getting rid of. Howard said just remind Sal that he came in number 2 in the job thing. He said that's the problem with giving gifts. He said he knew that Richard needed a TV. He said he's not his favorite. He said he knew he needed a TV so he gave it to him.
Will got on and said that people were wondering what was going on when that happened. He said that they were all working hard. Richard said he was staring at a wall. He said he got that TV and people would come over and see it and the were like ''Oh, that's the TV.'' Howard said this is why he can't give gifts. He said he doesn't have time for this stuff. He said he spends all day thinking about himself.
Richard said Howard also had him over for Thanksgiving dinner one time. He said that set Sal off too. Howard said he never had him over. Richard said it was 2005 and the were still at K-Rock. He said they did a thing at K-Rock where the had him do this Thanksgiving thing at his parent's house. He said he invited him over to have dinner with him and Beth. He said they went to an Italian restaurant and he was alone that night so he thought of him. He said he didn't want him to be alone on Thanksgiving. Howard said no wonder people are upset. He said he really is a nice guy. He said he sent Richard to the Super Bowl and then had to send JD. He said if the Jets make it he's going to have to send Gary.
Howard said he really doesn't remember the dinner with Richard. Sal said he remembers it. He said he remembers it in bed every night. He said he's in the fetal position when he remembers that. Richard said Sal ruined it when he said he wanted to lay in bed and watch Survivor with Howard. Gary said here was no note there. He said he told him he was going to ask Howard. He said he told Sal it was a great idea. Richard said he ran it by him too. He said he told him he bets Howard would be into that. Howard said Sal is a moron who doesn't know what he's into at all.
Richard said he got a birthday card this year and he gets one every year. Howard said he sent him a card. He said he doesn't want to talk about this anymore. He said some of these guys work with him longer and that's what leads to this. He said then it's grandfathered in.
Sal said Howard has been very kind to him as well but he won't show it off like Richard does. Richard said he doesn't show it off. He said he just rubbed it in Sal's face a little bit.
Gary said about 15 years ago Howard wanted to get out of the gift giving vortex and then he and Fred didn't get him anything and he got upset about it. Howard said they really should get him something. He said that he has changed their lives. He said that Mel Karmazin changed his life and he would get him a gift every Christmas. He said he was appreciative that he had his back. He said that's how Gary should look at him. He said he stopped because he didn't know what to get the guy. He said he bought him a winter coat one year. He said that's when he stopped. He said birthday cards made more sense when they had 8 people working there. He said now they have like 80. Gary said it's interesting because he has moments of thinking he as to do something. He said he sent Ronnie off to Puerto Rico. Howard said he worked for him privately. He said he was driving him for years and years and he felt he should be acknowledged. He said he was having a big birthday. He said he likes the guy and he wanted to do something special for the guy. He said he was a loyal guy and he was never late. He said he did something for him.
Howard said he gave Ronnie a life. He said he has that young girlfriend now. He said he was thinking about him almost passing out in the shower with her the other day. The guys were goofing on him about having the rails in the shower to hold on to. Ronnie said he doesn't have that but he has a chair in there. He said he doesn't have any stairs because the house is on one level now. Howard and the guys were all goofing on how old he is now.
Howard played a clip of Stephanie talking about how it's all up to her but it's really not. She said Ronnie has been saying that its up to her but he hasn't had that talk with her. She said he'd like him to do that.
Ronnie said he has talked to her about it. He said he's not sure what she's talking about. He said that it's up to her. He said they have talked about where she wants to have it. He said he's not sure what else there is.
Howard asked if he's ready to play against Lenny. Ronnie said Lenny is upset about this game today. He said he's trying to get the game answers. Howard said Lenny is out of control. He said he's called Memet asking him what's up with his room not having a mini bar and things like that. He said it turns out he ate the whole mini bar. Memet said that he's been doing his laundry there too. He said he's really taking advantage of his hospitality there. He said he ordered everything on the menu for himself too. Howard said he's being a schnurer. He said they should have just had him on Zoom. Memet said they're also documenting him on his boat for a few days.
Derek said that Lenny was upset that the didn't have makeup for him so he took some dick pills to get his face red.
Howard said he heard that he wants to beat Ronnie so bad that he's asking for the answers to the questions. Ronnie said he's fine with him winning. Howard said he has to protect his reputation and win this thing. Memet said that Lenny had two chicks in his hotel room last night and they were young and hot. He said they were in their 20s. He said he claims he doesn't pay for the girls. Ronnie said they may ask for money but he tells them to fuck off and call the cops if they want to.
Derek and Memet said they have to do stuff for Lenny like text for him and get other things done for him. Howard said they're lucky that he doesn't have them do stuff like that for him.
Howard said Memet said that he had aged like 5 years dealing with Lenny out there. Memet said he has him running all over the place to get things done for him. Derek said that they had them doing all kinds of things like the mini bar stuff. Howard said they have to find out if he has a problem with drinking. He said that he's going to break the bank ordering everything out there.
Howard asked Memet about why he had to convince Lenny to put pants on. Memet said his room was crazy and the girls were getting dressed and he was running 20 minutes late. He said he has to be his personal assistant. Howard said he's envious in a way. He said he always liked that rock star lifestyle. He said he could never be like that. He said he'd be early and waking Memet up. Memet said that Lenny's behavior gets rewarded too. He said he yells at people and he has the red carpet rolled out for him. He said it pays to be a dick.
Howard asked if they met the girls. Memet said he did and he interviewed them. He said he'll get him the tape soon. Derek said he recorded like an hour of audio for them with the girls in the room.
Derek said that Lenny was talking a lot about Robin. Ronnie said that he was telling him that Robin is worth like 100 million. He said that he was talking about Howard and what he's worth too.
Ronnie said Lenny has a bag with him that he won't let out of his sight. He said there's no telling what's in there. Howard said they have to get him to open that on the air. Ronnie said he was having trouble keeping his teeth in this morning too. He said he had to take them out to eat and he was telling stories and he couldn't understand a word he was saying.
Howard said he has to write all of this down. The guys were telling him all of the stuff he has to ask about. Howard asked if Ronnie can hang with the guy. Ronnie said he's interesting. He said he tells great stories about his days playing baseball and things like that. The guys told him to ask about him having the hiccups from the dick pills too.
All of the guys were talking about the stuff Lenny has been up to. The stories were endless.
Howard said there was a movie where this guy was out of control. The guys said that was ''My Favorite Year'' with Peter O'Toole. Howard said that's what this sounds like. Memet said the hotel is constantly calling him with things they have issues with. Derek said that Lenny can't do a bunch of things you have to there so they have to help him out. One of the things was about a robot that delivers the food to your room. Lenny wasn't able to figure out what to do with that thing so they had to help with that.
Memet said he didn't know that a robot was going to come to his room and he tipped it. He said that they asked about the tip ahead of time. He said he didn't know that's what was happening. Howard said that isn't right.
Howard said he likes tipping a guy knowing he has a family to support. Memet said Lenny has figured out how to get extra time in his hotel room and things like that. Howard said they have to take a break and get to the game. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and said they broke the mold with that guy James Brown. He said he has to put him in the best. He said the guy is unbelievable. He said he was a great talent and they were lucky enough to have him on the show and tell him how much they loved him.
Howard said they're all excited for JeopHorny. He played a theme song for the game. He said he loves being the host of the game. He said it's his great thrill to see both Ronnie and Lenny Dykstra there. He said they will find out who the expert on sex is today. He said they have Lenny Dykstra and Ronnie the Limo Driver Mund there to play.
Howard asked Lenny if he's ready to play. Lenny said he wins before the game or he doesn't play. He said losing isn't in his vocabulary. Howard said he heard he was hitting the guys up for the answers to the game. He said that's not fair. Lenny said he doesn't care about fair. He said he got dirt on umpires so he could get them to be on his side. He said he's not there to fuck around, he's there to win.
Lenny asked where Robin is. He couldn't see her. Lenny asked if she doesn't want him to see her. Lenny said he can't see her. He said he's a new man who is cleaned up. He said look at him. He said he's nails man. He said Robin does look good. He finally saw her. He said she's also worth 100 million too. He said that's hard work and he appreciates that.
Howard asked if Lenny is sober now because he's hearing that he was asking for a lot of booze. Lenny said COVID wanted nothing to do with him. He said he has so man chemicals in him that it ran away from him. He said his grandmother is 104 years old and she's still alive.
Howard asked what was going on with his teeth this morning. Lenny said he takes them out to eat. He said he takes them out to eat other things too. Howard asked why he hits on Robin if he has these young girls with him now. Lenny said Robin would find out he's a man of honor and he pleases women. He said he'd also like to find out how much money Robin has.
Howard said the women who are with him are women who are into him. Lenny said he tells them that if they want money he's not their guy. He said they take their ride with him and then they will ask for money. He said he tells them ''fuck you'' and then they call the cops and claim that he raped them and he tells them to do it. He said they know she's lying but then the take him in anyway. He said they have to do a test. He said he asks why. He said they know she's lying. He said he's not going to have a dude swab him so he demands that a woman does it. Lenny said this goes on 3 or 4 times. He said that the cops told him to audio record it so they can hear it. He said the same girls call the cops and he records it. He said he plays it for the cops and they hear it and he tells them to put them in jail instead of him. He said then they start crying. He said he tells the truth and then they go to jail.
Howard said if only his father had told him this. He said he hears the creeps around the country are taking notes on what to do. He said it sounds like he has learned from dealing with the cops a lot. He said he's turned the tables on them. Lenny said he's not there to give them money.
Howard asked Lenny about this thing about taking dick pills to get color in his face. Lenny said he had to get some pills from the gas stations. He said they have that stuff there but he had to go to some shitty gas stations. He said he had to get the cheap ones. He said he got the hiccups from that. He said the blood ran to his face instead of his dick. Howard asked if he's hard right now. Lenny said he's not but he has a semi.
Howard asked what his beef is with Mad Dog. Lenny got fired up and said he doesn't like that mother fucker. He said he doesn't know sports. He said all he does is yell. He said he's said stuff about him and he doesn't know what he's talking about. He said that Mike Francesca made the guy. Howard said he must not be rooting for him to be n the radio hall of fame. Lenny said not at all. He said all the guy does is scream.
Howard asked Lenny if he's ever going to be at old timer's day. Lenny was talking about what's going on with the Mets and how he helped get some mother fucker his job there. Howard said he's just wondering if he will ever be at the Old Timers day. Lenny went into the owners and how they got the team. Howard said he thinks the short answer is that he won't be there. Lenny said they don't want him there.
Howard asked Lenny about this roller bag he has that the guys told him about. He said he's guessing he has all of his cash in there. He asked what's in there. Lenny said you never know when the heat is on so you have to be ready to go. He said it's a get out of the country bag. He said he has one gold bar in there. He said it's fake but it's a gold bar. Howard asked what he has in there. Lenny said this is life. He said he used to be an Apple guy. He said he's a Microsoft guy now. Howard said he has a computer in there. Lenny said that's a Microsoft computer. Howard asked if he has weed in there. Lenny said that's for the chicks. He said he doesn't do that stuff. He said he has a cap in there. He said he has his extra sauce in there for reloading. He said it was hand made vodka. Howard said he's living a life that's unbelievable. Lenny showed a watch he had in the bag.
Howard said it's time to find out who the greatest sex expert is. He said they have to play JeopHorny. Lenny was still showing off the stuff in his bag.
Howard said this man was a top competitor and he was a fabulous baseball player. He said he was tough as nails so they called him Nails. Howard said Lenny knows a lot about sex. Lenny was checking his phone and Ronnie said he's thinking he's cheating or something. Derek said he's going to take the phone. Lenny was studying something.
Howard said Ronnie loves ass play and he thinks that Lenny likes that too. Lenny denies that. Lenny said if the girl is clean he'll eat ass. He said that Ronnie gets a fake dick in his ass. Ronnie said he likes it. Lenny said that's the craziest thing he's ever heard. He said if you want to put something up his ass then you better kill him first. He said he's not into that stuff.
Howard said Lenny once took some stuff to stop from shitting. He said he really didn't like shitting. Lenny said that he didn't like it. He said that he doesn't like it when girls take a piss. He said it sounds like a whistling sound to him and he can't take it. He said don't tell him about what you want to do and just go do it.
Howard said he has Mad Dog on the phone. He took the call from fake Mad Dog who said they have to get to the game and he should keep his mouth shut. Howard said that wasn't really Mad Dog.
Ronnie asked how he can be a pussy eater and hate the sound of the girls peeing. Lenny said it's the sound that bothers him. He said that an odor at all the girl gets the door.
Howard asked if Robin can pee before he eats her out. Lenny said it's fine as long as he doesn't hear it. Howard said two of the biggest pussy eaters are talking now. He said they're going to play a game now to find out who knows more.
Howard asked Ronnie what they should know about eating pussy that's most important. Ronnie said that you can't tell a girl to get out of there's an odor down there. He said that Robin is into cock and she's had 9 inch cocks in her. He said he won't be able to do it for her. Lenny said he will. Ronnie said he has issues with his cock. Lenny said he's working on fixing that. Howard said Ronnie is right about that. He said that she needs a hard dick. Lenny said they're working on it. Howard said this is exciting to hear them discussing pussy. He said it's like having Einstein discussing physics with them.
Howard said it's time to compete. He said they have prizes. He said the winner will get a nice gift pack. He said they will be getting a butt plug training kit, anal lube, horny goat weed pills, a brand new Fleshlight and a brand new 13 inch double sided dildo.
Howard said they have to find out who will win. Lenny said Ronnie can have all of his stuff if he wins. Ronnie said he was going to say the same to Lenny. He said he already has all of that stuff. Howard said he could use that stuff on the chicks. Lenny said he's the most normal dude.
Howard said they have to find out who is going to win now. He said Lenny says he was put there on earth to get women off. He said he's a great baseball player and he can get a lot of girls. Howard said Lenny bought a pussy boat and lives on it. Lenny said he calls it a yacht. He said the quick story on that is that he was burning $6,000 a month on hotel rooms. He said that he had a buddy who told him to get a boat instead. He said he did it and he's had a lot of women there since he got it.
Howard asked Lenny why he ordered every appetizer at dinner. Lenny said he knew his talent was coming over and he ordered the food to bring it up to the room. He said the chick who waited on them wasn't wearing any makeup and she was gorgeous.
Howard talked about Ronnie and who he is. He said say hello to Ronnie the Limo Driver. He said that Ronnie doesn't masturbate because he has sex with his fiancee at least 3 times a week. He told Lenny about the shower incident he had recently where he almost passed out. Lenny said that shower sex is never a good idea. Lenny talked about how he never masturbates either. He said he has the perfect cut and he doesn't need to do that stuff. Howard said he finds it hard to believe that they don't jerk off. Ronnie said he and Stephanie will do it together. He said they will watch porn and jerk themselves off. Lenny said he's never watched porn. He said he doesn't need to do that. He said he's a normal guy and he likes to do missionary and get the women off.
Howard said it's time to play JeopHorny. He played the theme song for the game and then said they have categories to go through. He said they have four. He said they have Cum-A-Sutra and this porn star will be getting fucked and you have to figure out what position she's in. He said they have ''What's in a cunt'' and that tests your knowledge of female anatomy. He said they have ''Vaginal Nicknames'' and they have ''Pussy Perspective.'' He said in that one they have you think like a woman.
Howard said it's time for one of them to pick a category. He explained the rest of the rules to the guys and said the person who has the most points at the end will be the winner.
Howard said Lenny is going to go first. He said he can pick a category. Lenny went with Vaginal Nicknames for 200. Howard gave him the clue which was about how it could describe a wound or deep slash. Lenny said that's wrong. Howard asked if Ronnie wants to steal. Ronnie didn't know what it was either. Robin answered and said she thinks it's ''Gash.'' Howard said she's right.
Howard had Ronnie pick next. Ronnie went with Pussy perspective for 200. Howard said he picked an audio clue. He had them play a clip and Nikki Glaser said they have to think like a woman. She gave the clue and said that women do this 8 times a month which is about half the rate of men. She said he may have a problem. Howard asked what Ronnie's answer is. Ronnie said masturbate. Howard said that's right.
Howard said Ronnie is up again. He went with Cum-A-Sutra for 200. The guys had a clip of a porn star talking about the position she was in. Ronnie knew it was Missionary. He was right.
Howard had Ronnie go again. Ronnie went with What's in a Cunt for 200. Howard had a celebrity clue. The had the woman with the double vagina ask what the perineum is known as. Howard had to repeat that to Ronnie. Ronnie didn't know. Howard asked Lenny if he knows. Lenny didn't know either. Howard said it's the taint.
Howard said it's Lenny's turn again. Lenny picked 400 with Vaginal Nicknames. Howard asked him about this word that rhymes with a baseball term where you gently tap the ball without swinging your bat. Howard said this term rhymes with that term. Lenny said he doesn't know. He was asking questions about how the points thing works. Howard said just try to answer the question. Lenny didn't get it. Howard asked if Ronnie knows. Ronnie said it's bunt but it was actually cunt because that's the word that rhymes with bunt. Howard said Ronnie had it and he didn't say the word.
Howard said both of the guys have zero points now. He said they're going to be there all day with this game. Howard asked who's supposed to go. Lenny said he passed. Lenny went with Cum-A-Sutra for 400. He had the guys play the clue from this porn star who explained the position she was in straddling her partner while he fucked her while facing away from him. Lenny guessed it was Doggy style. Ronnie said he knows it. He said reverse cowgirl. He was right. Lenny said he's too young for this shit. Howard said Ashley Fires is the woman who was helping them with that.
Ronnie went with Cum-A-Sutra again. Ashley did her explanation and Ronnie got it with 69.
Ronnie went with that category again. Ronnie guessed that it was doggy style after hearing her explanation. He got that one right too. Lenny said this game is fixed. He said the questions aren't coming to him easy like they are to Ronnie.
Howard said he's getting worried here. Lenny said he's not in on all of this crazy shit. Howard had Ronnie go again. He went with What's in a Cunt. He had an easy one which was about the clitoris. Lenny said he's not sure how he got that. Howard said he has to give him a pep talk. He said it's the bottom of he 9th and he has to come alive.
Ronnie went with Vaginal Nicknames for 100 again. Howard had a celebrity audio clue again. He had ham Hands Bill asking about this nickname for a vagina. It was slot machine so Ronnie got that one right too.
Howard said Lenny is looking good with that red glow. He said maybe Lenny should go now. He had him pick a category. He went with vaginal nicknames again. Howard asked him about this thing that won't chew down a tree but this vaginal nick name will make your penis go ''timber.'' Lenny guessed it was wood. Howard said he just struck out. Ronnie guessed woodpecker. Robin said it's beaver.
Howard said he just threw him an easy pitch and he missed. Howard had Lenny go again. Lenny went with Pussy Perspective for 400. Howard said he has to think like a woman for this. He said as part of their annual checkup women get a cancer screening and they remove cells from the cervix. He asked what that is called. Lenny said it's on the tip of his tongue. He said he knows the answer. Howard read the question again. Lenny didn't know it. Howard asked Ronnie if he knows. Ronnie said it's a pap smear. Howard said that's right.
Howard said Ronnie has 1100 points and Lenny has zero. He said this is a blowout. He said that he has to get this one. He said he could still catch up. Lenny went with What's in a Cunt for 400. Howard asked him the question which was about vaginal lips. Lenny said Labyrinth. Ronnie got it right with Labia. Lenny said that's what he meant. He said they took his phone away too fast. Robin asked if he has ever seen a pussy. She said that she doesn't mean to disparage him but come on. Lenny said he's serious and he thinks she should come out to the boat and he'll show her some things. Howard said they're in the middle of a game here. He said that Robin's labyrinth just dried up hearing that.
Howard said Ronnie has 1500 points and Lenny has to run the rest of the board. He went with Pussy Perspective for 100. Howard asked him about PornHub and what women were searching for there the most. Lenny said women with women. Howard said that's correct. He said he got 100 points.
Howard had him go again. Lenny went with that category again for 200. Howard asked him if a woman is a sapiosexual it means she's attracted to this organ of the body. Lenny said that's false. He said it means she's not into control. Howard said he just lost 300 points so he's down to -100. He asked Ronnie if he knows what the answer is. Ronnie didn't know. Howard said the answer is labyrinth. He was joking. He said it means that she's attracted to a man's brain.
Howard said they have one question left. He said that Lenny could come up to zero with that if he gets it right. Howard asked Lenny about this area that swells when a woman is sexually excited and it's on the upper vaginal wall. Lenny said it was the clit. Howard said it's the G-spot. Lenny was down even more points. Lenny said he took an ass kicking today. He said all he can say is that he's a normal dude and these were out of his league.
Howard said he's a true gentleman when he loses. He said that Trump lost and he was a baby. He said Lenny took it and was a man about losing. Lenny said he and Ronnie talked in the green room and he remembered a lot about him. He said he knew he had some problems. He said he's worried about him. Ronnie said he is worried about him. Lenny said pussy has been his downfall. He said it makes him make bad decisions. He said it's the thrill of the kill. He said that's what his issues are. Howard said Lenny had -500 and Ronnie had 1500 points. He said they had fun with the game. He said that Ronnie is the winner and he's the sultan of snatch. He had some other terms for him. Ronnie said he should have gotten more right.
Howard said he's sure that Lenny could have gotten the final question right. He asked Lenny the question and said that doctors concluded that squirting is the involuntary release of this bodily fluid. Lenny said it's a real thing. Howard said he's asking what fluid it is. Lenny said it's not piss. Howard said it is urine. Ronnie said he was going to answer that and he doesn't agree with it. Lenny said that they told him it wasn't piss. He said that's a problem now.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Dan Rather was there saying he was at Lenny's hotel room and the girls are leaving after hearing that he lost. He said the pussy yacht has just sunk as well.
Howard thanked Ronnie and Lenny for playing the game today. Lenny said that he has to say something. He asked what Baba Booey is doing. He said he's working from home. He said he's just sitting there collecting a check. Howard said that's what he's been saying. Lenny said he likes that Baba Booey.
Howard took a call from the fake owner of the Mets who said they only have real pussy eaters come to the park. He said they're going to lose the next 30 games now that Lenny did this today. Lenny said this game wasn't so easy. He said he got hit by a lot of pitches. He said he's still a half glass full kind of mother fucker. He said he just learned that the other day.
Howard asked Lenny what he thinks about the Mets retiring Keith Hernandez's number. Lenny said he was his mentor and that's cool. He said he deserves it. He said he's happy for him.
Howard said he wants to thank them for playing JeopHorny today. He said he has to thank Ashley Fires too. He said it's a good thing the staff didn't give him the answers to the game.
Howard thanked Nikki Glaser for being part of the game. Lenny said she didn't really like him. Howard said she likes him just fine. He said he was going to give her a plug but he lost it. He said she's on HBO or something. He found the plug for her F-Boy Island show which is on HBOMax.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked them to go through his whole bag and put that on the app so they can see what's in there. He said he takes it everywhere. Howard said he thinks his entire bank account is in there. Ralph asked if there is money in it. Lenny said it's got all kinds of things in it. He said he has some prescription meds and things in there. He started to go through the bag again. He was showing stuff in the bag and showing that he has a passport in there. Howard cut him off and said Mary Poppins had less stuff in her bag. He said he's like Carrot Top with the stuff coming out of the bag. He had his bottom teeth in the bag. Howard said look at that. He said he looks handsome with them in. Lenny shook a rattler like thing. That was his Adderall pills. He had some other stuff in there that he was sort of telling them about. He was being cryptic about some of the stuff. Derek said he has to drive him back to the hotel with that bag in the car.
Howard said if he runs for president he has a position for him. He said that he can be the drug czar. Howard asked if he's upset about the Roe V Wade thing being overturned. He said he must be upset. Lenny said something about a vasectomy and Howard asked if he got one. Lenny said he did not.
Howard said they had a lot of fun today and they'll never do this ever again. He told Lenny to have fun with the girls up in his room today. Lenny said he really does like Robin. Howard said she lost a lot of weight and she's bathing in seaweed. He said she's one of these girls who has big titties and she's thin. Lenny said he wants to take her out to her favorite restaurant. He said he has no expectations. He said she can see the man that he is. He said he's habit forming. Howard asked when Robin is free. Robin asked what year this is.
Howard said he has to check out by 11 today. He said they can't be chasing him all day. Lenny said he got it extended until 3. He said he'll be out of there. Howard wrapped up the game and said that Lenny is still talking. Howard said Robin is free in 2074.
Lenny and Ronnie were still talking so Howard had them on the air for another minute. Howard said he wants to make one last statement. He said Lenny is going to fuck two chicks again. He said he's winning in real life. He said he's getting two chicks.
Robin asked if Lenny is ever unable to perform after a bad game. Lenny said not really. Howard said everyone wins here. He wrapped up again and said goodbye to Lenny and Ronnie once again.
Howard said there's a guy that Robin can call if she's ever lonely. Robin said in 2074 she'll be there. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and asked what happened to this dude Jakob Dylan. He said he's the son of Bob Dylan and he was super talented. He said he had it all and you never see him around anymore. Robin said he's making documentaries and things now. She said he changes things around.
Howard sang along with the song and then said he's had enough of him. He said it's not fair he was a good looking guy and had a hit song. He said he has talent too. He said you never see him with a lady friend. He said Robin should have made a move on him. Robin asked if they had him in. Howard said sure the did. Gary said he did one of the big birthday shows. Howard said he sure did. He said that like he remembered. He said he does remember meeting him.
Howard said he's going to take some phone calls and some read some fan feedback. He said he's out of energy from that game. Robin said she was worn out from it too. Howard said Lenny is something else. He said imagine if you were hanging out with him. He said it must be constant mayhem.
Howard took a call from a woman, Kelly, who said she has been with her boyfriend for about 2 and a half years and he's brushed his teeth once in the entire time they've been together. She said he's 39 and she's 37. Howard said he has to imagine he has the worst breath on the planet. Kelly said he does. She said he drinks a lot of soda and he's a sugar addict. She said it hurts to brush his teeth. Howard said what a dream boat. Kelly said that he does have a great dick. she said he's amazing in every other way. She said he works 6 days a week 10 hours a day and he's a great step dad to her son.
Howard asked if he goes to a dentist. Kelly said no. Howard asked why not get the pain looked into. Kelly said he doesn't have insurance for that. She said it's very expensive out there in California. Howard asked what inspired him to brush his teeth the one time. Kelly said they were both in abusive relationships and they had grown up together. She said he came down to visit and she went shopping with him and he brushed his teeth that one night he visited her.
Howard said this represents a lack of self esteem and self care. He said that if you respect the person you're with and yourself you'd be brushing your teeth. Howard said if you don't floss constantly there's decaying food in those teeth. Robin said that's also an entry into your body and it can cause a lot of illnesses. Howard said he uses these doctors brush picks. He said they're great. He said you have to tell the guy to use them. He said at least do something.
Robin said he's also risking his full health. Howard said he's not sure how she kisses this fuck. Kelly said she can't let him go down on her. She said that's a huge thing for a relationship. She said he is wonderful in every other respect. Howard said sometimes you have to give a person an ultimatum. He said that he might start to brush his teeth if she does that.
Howard asked what she's wearing right now. She said she has a backless tie die with great cleavage. She said she's a 38-DD. Howard asked what she weighs. She said 150. She said she's 5'7''. Howard said that's up there. She said it fits her. She said she's proportionate. Howard said she has to send that picture again. He asked Gary to put that up. Gary said no one has the picture. Kelly said she sent it to the email there at the show. Howard said no one looks at that. Kelly said she wasn't aware of how to send it. Howard said Fred goes through it. Fred asked if she sent it today. She said yes. Fred said he'll see if he can find it.
Howard asked what she sent. Kelly said she sent a full frontal picture from a nude beach. Howard said Fred must be holding it for himself. Fred said there's no way she sent it to this email address. Kelly said she sent it to SternShow@HowardStern.com. She said it was sent about an hour ago. Howard said come on guys, get with it. Howard said he's an important player in show business and this is who he has. Kelly said she's proud of her body and she's showing it off.
Howard said he wants to see what 150 pounds with DD's looks like. Howard said he might share his personal email with her. Howard said Fred has 2 more minutes to find it or he's fired. Fred said that he's sending it to Gary and Jason right now. Howard asked why he's doing that. Fred said that's so they can preview it. Gary got it but it was a blank email. Howard said this is unbelievable. He said he hopes this is good. He said there's a lot of build up here.
Howard asked if they got it yet. Gary finally got it. Howard said he has more slow adults working on this show. He said Fred is a very bright guy. Gary was trying to get the picture up. Howard finally saw the picture. He said ''Wow!'' he said that's 150 pounds distributed properly. He said they can't be real. Kelly said they are. She said she has had a kid too. Howard sounded impressed. He said even Robin is upset with her. She said they were real. Howard asked if she's fully shaved too. Kelly said she is. She said they were in Pirate's Cove near Pismo, California. she said she was there with some of her girl friends. Howard said he's brushing his teeth right now just so she knows. He said that she has a beautiful labyrinth just so she knows. He said he'd bet she's 130 pounds. He said her titties are something else.
Howard said imagine you're on a nude beach and you see her. He said she should go up to this guy and tell him he smells like a garbage pail and he had better start brushing his teeth or she's leaving him. Howard said he once had a nudist magazine and the women looked like Cathy Bates. He said this woman has a fabulous body and she's with some asshole. He said look what she's putting up with. Robin said she doesn't understand it. Howard said she can tell her boyfriend that she's very fuckable. He said the staff give her thumbs up. Howard said everyone loves her.
Howard asked what Wendy is selling on her merch store. Wendy said she has a shirt and some muffin cups. Howard asked what rhymes with bunt. She said Pun. Howard said it must be a harder question than he thought. Howard wished her luck with the live stream. She said it starts at 3:55pm. Howard said that's a good time. He asked why not 4 o'clock. Wendy said she could do it then. Howard said he was just thinking it might be easier to remember.
Wendy said her manager says hi. She said they love his show and think he's awesome. Howard asked if this is someone new. Wendy said it's Brutal Lauren or something like that.
Howard got Erik on the phone and asked why he's pissed off at Gonzo. Erik said he thinks he can boss him around and tell him what to do. He and Gonzo went back and forth arguing about that for a minute. Gonzo said all he did was ask him to unblock a person to wish them a happy birthday. He said all he did was ask him to wish him a happy birthday. He said then he blocked him. Howard asked why it's so important to wish him a happy birthday. Gonzo said he just thought it would be nice. Erik said he doesn't want to be told what to do. He said it's like what Howard said about Chris earlier. Howard said it's not the same thing. He said it sounds like Gonzo wants to get his name out there. Gonzo said no. Erik said Gonzo is an adult and shouldn't do this to him.
Erik said he asked Gonzo if he wanted to marry him when he comes to visit him in September. Howard asked what's going on there. He said that he didn't think Erik was gay. Erik said Gonzo has been with a tranny. Howard bailed out of the whole conversation and said goodbye to Erik and happy birthday to Gonzo.
Howard said some people wrote in about Wolfie's mom and fake Alex Jones. He had a few comments about that. He said the interview went on for 2 hours with Wolfie's mom and Alex. He said they have a huge amount of content from that call. He played a clip of Wolfie's mom talking about weather control and how that has been going on since World War II. Howard said they did call her and tell her that it was a prank. He said he has some audio of Wolfie talking to his mom about that. Howard played the clip and Wolfie told her that it was a prank and his mom asked if he was serious. She said he sounds like him. She said he's a brat. She said her son can be such a pain in the ass. She said she's not sure what to believe anymore. Howard said Steve Nowicki was laughing so hard at her comments that he had to go to fake commercial break. Steve said he would love to do a show with her for 3 hours a day. He said he could have done another hour with her on the Plumb island stuff. Steve did his Alex Jones impression and told Howard some of the stuff she was talking about.
Howard said he's thinking of putting that whole conversation up on Howard 101. He said Steve did a lot of research to get that whole thing down. Steve said Barb was loving it. He said she's an InfoWars warrior. He said he was saying stuff that he thought she wouldn't believes but she believed it all. He said she brought up a laptop thing and he just went along with it. Robin said one commercial she read was for salty loads and she never thought twice about it.
Howard said he has a lot more to talk about tomorrow. He said he's hearing from a lot of people about running for president. He said that people are hitting him up to be in his cabinet. He said he thinks he could win. He said he'd change the electoral college nonsense. He said he'd stop with the senate thing. He said that it would be set up like congress. He said that he would appoint 5 more supreme court justices too.
Howard and Robin talked about Clarence Thomas and how he's married to a white woman and they could roll things back to the point where he's not legally married. Robin said they could roll it back so he's only 3/5th of a person. Howard said no one wants to see women not able to get abortions. He said if you don't want one, don't get one. He said it's very simple. He said these people aren't doing anything to help the unwanted children in this country. He said he didn't want to get into this but he did. Howard read some feedback he got about that discussion.
Howard answered a knock at he door and it was fake Mitch McConnell who was giggling about what's going on and saying that Robin gets paid 3/5 of what Howard gets paid. Howard closed the door on him a short time later.
Howard read more feedback about the abortion issue. he played a Mitch McConnell song parody they created too. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:35am.
Howard said he wants someone with mass appeal. He said he thinks this person will work. He said he heard from a lot of people. He said he heard from Sherwin Belkin who wants to be in his cabinet. Robin asked if he'll say no to anyone. Howard said of course. He said he has to get rid of this Supreme Court. He said it's such a fucked up system we have here in this country. He said the country needs him. He said he won't fuck things up. He said he knows he's not that bright but he's going to be like a Bill Clinton type president. He doesn't mean blow jobs though. He said he doesn't even like blow jobs. He said he prefers straight fucking. He said that will only be with his wife too.
Howard said the first thing he'll do is shut down Camp David. He said they shouldn't be going there. He said he's going to bulldoze Camp David. He said he'll give it to the American Indians. Robin said then they'll turn it into a casino. Howard said that's right. He said he won't golf at all. He said he hates seeing Presidents on the links doing nothing. He said it's an abomination what's going on in this country. He said it's being ruled by the minority. He said it's the majority that should overrule the minority. He said they got this dopey electoral college. He said Hillary Clinton won by 3 million votes and yet she lost because of this electoral college.
Howard said those morons got in there with Clarence Thomas and gave them this new abortion ruling. He said it's so backward and archaic. He said he's going to add 5 more Supreme Court Justices. He said that way they'll have more people to vote. He said he'll have an 8-5 vote. He said he'll do the math once he gets into office. Howard said Trump never won the popular vote. He said now we're stuck in his shit. He said everyone will get one vote and that's that. He said whoever gets the most votes wins.
Howard said he's going to clean up and have sex with his wife in the Oval office. He said things were great when Clinton was in office. He said he'll even call them and ask for advice.
Howard said they're always talking about who to vote for. He said we're going to straighten things out. He said his Vice President said he wants in. He said he's shooting a movie right now as they speak. He said this person is going to bring in the female vote like you wouldn't believe. He said his Vice President is going to be Bradley Cooper. Robin said get out of here. Howard said he did say he wants to be his Vice President. He said he's locking him in today.
Howard said Brad is shooting a Leonard Bernstein movie for Netflix right now. He said he'll be his Vice President.
Howard said he won't even go around the country to shake hands. He said he'll do the debate thing but that's all they need to do. He said Bradley will get the female votes. He said women walk up to him on the street and give him their number. He said that's what they need. He said they need a guy who knows how to run things. He said that he looked around at the landscape and he needs someone with a fantastic face. He said they got one.
Howard said he knows this is a stroke of genius on his part. He said it'll be Stern/Cooper. He said he'll take care of everything. He said no one will be good against Bradley in a debate. He said Robin will watch and not even hear what he says. He said he won't fuck things up internationally. He said he'll give Ukraine money to fight Russia. He said it'll be a great ticket. He said they'll have a president who looks like the Elephant Man and the guy who played the Elephant Man on Broadway.
Howard said he's going to bring back abortion real soon. He was singing about what he was going to do.
Howard said he was walking down the street with Brad once and a woman ran up to Brad and didn't even see him. He said she went right to Brad. Howard said you'll have abortion back as soon as he's president. He said he'll even put an abortion clinic in the White House. He said you'll be able to get one right there. Robin said that's not a good idea. She said you can't do that. She said they have to give some dignity back to the Presidency. Howard said he'll have a drive thru clinic. Robin said how about turning every McDonald's into an abortion clinic. Howard said now she's thinking.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows Bradley and he thinks that's a good choice. Howard said he's glad he's getting feedback like that. The caller said he was on the set with him on The Hangover because he was Zach Galifianakis stand in.
Howard said he clipped his own toe nails the other day. He said he didn't want to bother her with that. Beth said he doesn't do a good job. She said the edges are all rough. She said she has to fix that.
Beth said she came down for a reason. Howard said she was in overalls earlier and her titties were looking great. Beth said she came down to wish everyone a beautiful summer. She said she'll be taking care of him the whole time this summer. She said maybe he'll check in from time to time on Instagram. She said that's all she wanted to say. She said next time they speak she'll be 50. Howard said he told her that he's never fucked a 50 year old before. He said he thinks she looks 30. Robin said no one would think she's 50. She said she doesn't look 50. Howard said she was thinking she might need Botox. Howard said he told her no. Beth said there is a line on her face between her eyes. Howard said he doesn't see it. He said she's crazy if she touches that face. He said she was blessed. Beth said she will always be his young chippy. Howard said she will be.
Howard said Beth will regret it if she does something to her face. He said look what the Real Housewives and what they've done to their faces. He said don't do it. Beth said it's hard aging. She said she's going through body stuff. She said her period is going on 2 weeks late. Howard said maybe she's having his baby. She said she would never have an abortion but she believes that women should have the right to. She said she personally feels she couldn't do that. Howard said that's the real issue. He said you could be against it for yourself but don't tell anyone else what to do.
Beth said she's 2 weeks late and she thinks she might be going through menopause. She said she has a friend who is in her early 40s and she's pre-menopausal. She said it's hard changes. Howard said she's not going to grow a moustache is she. Beth said that she's not sure what will happen.
Howard said she sent a nice picture of herself last night. Beth said she knows how to take pictures like that. She said he is a man so she knows that he'd like that.
Howard sang a song to Beth about how much he loves her. He tried to get her to sing but she wouldn't do it. Beth asked if he gave his list of top songs. Howard said not yet. He said that's a bit the guys are doing. He said don't ruin it. Howard said it's not a big deal.
Howard said he thinks it's great that she's turning 50. He said he's never been with a 50 year old. Beth said she's never been with a 67 year old. Howard said yes she has. He said he's 68. Beth sounded shocked that he was 68. She said Howard is so horned up all the time now. She said he wants to have sex more than ever. Howard said he would like to fuck her 2 times a week and jerk off the rest of the time. Beth said he already jerks off. Howard said he wants to give her a breather. Beth said she's available but sometimes the day gets filled. She said 2 times a week is what she would like. Howard said he needs to do it like 4 times a week and he will do the other 2 when she's not ready. He asked if they can set up a schedule. Beth said she doesn't want to do that. She said whatever Howard is doing now is working fine. Howard said if he jerks off at night he wakes up and he has to find out if he can do it. He said he needs a day to recharge.
Howard said they say if you finish 2 times a month you won't get prostate cancer. Beth heard Fred play some sound effects that grossed her out. Howard said you can't listen to what Fred is doing back there.
Howard said he has a planner to use and he can write down how many times a month he cums. He said that they don't want to get prostate cancer. Howard said just fuck him 3 times a week and he'll jerk off the rest. Beth said just keep doing what he's doing. Beth said for the sake of his health she'll do it 3 times a week.
Howard did some math and figured out that they'll have sex 12 times a month. Beth said if she gets her period again she has to cut that week out. Howard said he has been with other women and they love it when he did it on their periods. Beth said it's just not for her. Howard said Robin always had sex on her period. Robin said she didn't do it all the time. She said it was nice though. Howard said the labia are more sensitive during that time. Beth said it's just not for her. Howard said he'll respect that.
Howard said whatever Beth says goes. He said he doesn't give her Hickeys anymore. Beth said he used to do that before photo shoots. Howard said he's so passionate and he wanted to put his mark on his woman. He said Beth makes him feel special. He said he wants her to himself. He said he wants to mark her and he wants her to be his. Howard said he wants Beth to only look at him. He said that's what he wants.
Howard said he's going to have sex with Beth 3 times a week and jerk off once a week. Beth said he's like his parents with the routine. Howard said he is. Beth said they should go visit them this week. Howard said he thinks he's busy.
Howard said he talks to his mother and she says she's lucky to have Beth in her life. Howard said she never thanks him for anything he does but she thanks Beth. Beth said she wrote her a card thanking her for things. Howard said he's never gotten a card. Beth said it was the sweetest card she ever got. She said she's keeping it forever. Howard said it's a weird thing. He said he's happy his mother loves Beth. He said it means the world to him. He said that it also annoys the fuck out of him. He said she never thanked him for what he does for her. He said he has so much help for them and they never thanked him. He said they thank Beth instead. Beth said she does order her egg drop soup.
Howard said he jerked off in the middle of the night last night. He said he wasn't able to sleep. Beth said he was snoring. She asked if he watched porn. Howard said he did. He said he had to do it to get to sleep. He said he didn't want to do it. He said it was medicinal. He said he had to get this evil fucking load out of him. He said it's disgusting. He said she must find him disgusting. Beth said she enjoys it.
Howard said he and Beth go on a walk and they talk about whose marriage will fail and who they think is gay. He said they have 5 people they know who are gay and living closeted lives. He said that's the game they play while they're on their walk. He said he'll call Robin if she wants to play with them. Robin said she's not interested. She said it's bad for you.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he knows how he feels about his wife. He said it's beautiful and real. He said the problem is that she's getting tired of the clinginess. He said she's going to need some space. Howard said he's not clingy at all. He said that he's not with her 24/7. He said his psychiatrist said he should be clingy. He said with the pandemic he can't keep her on her toes. Howard hung up on King. He said he'll call back. He said it's great.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Beth might want to see a menopause specialist with what she has going on. He said that way she'll know what's going on with menopause. Howard asked if her vagina will dry up. The caller said it may be drier than it was but there is lubrication and moisturizers that she can use. Howard asked if she wants him to apply it. Beth said they'll deal with that when the time comes and it'll be off the air. She said this is no talk for someone who wants to run for President. Howard said this is exactly what he should be talking about. He said he's going to bang her in the Oval Office. Beth said she's going to adopt from the White House. She said she'll wear sexy outfits for him in the White House. Howard said she can't wear sexy stuff in front of Bradley Cooper though.
Howard asked the caller, Gary, what he can expect with menopause. Gary gave them some details about the average age that a woman goes through it and things like that. He said the biggest change can be hot flashes and that leads to problems sleeping and mood changes. He said there are treatments for that. Howard said Beth doesn't get hot flashes or anything. Beth said no. She asked if she could be pregnant. Gary said she should check with a pregnancy test. He said it would be nice to have a baby in the White House. Howard said that would be good for his campaign. He said he might have to knock her up.
Howard said this can be their summer cliffhanger with Beth either being pregnant of menopausal. He said that he's going to keep his elderly wife with him. He said he loves it so much. He said he never thought he'd see the day. He said he dated 20 and 30 year olds. He said he never dated anyone in their 40s. Beth said she was 26 when they met. Howard said he likes the elderly now.
Howard said it was nice of Beth to say happy summer. He said that they should thank their friend Jeff Schick who did something amazing. He said he put together a program for North Shore Animal League. He said that he came in and did a computer thing. Beth said that was all started because of a puppy that was murdered by an adopter. She said he did that with a North Shore dog and another dog he bought. She said they needed a way to keep track of something like that. She said they came up with a thing called Pet Pass that has data on people so they know if someone has a red flag on their name. SHE said they have saved some lives with some dogs already. She said Jeff is the mastermind behind this. Howard said he stuck with it too. He said he did it and he has to say it's amazing. Beth said it has worked already. Howard said they had some dogs saved from going to abusive people. He said they were denied from adopting dogs. He said every shelter may have this some day. Beth said she hopes so. She said they can contact them and they can all join and save more.
Howard took a call from Mildred (Chris Wilding) who was going through menopause. She was telling Beth some of her issues.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Beth will be free once she's done with her period. She said she didn't dry up herself and Howard will be able to bang her every day. She said that it's much better now.
Robin asked if Howard will stop wearing condoms. Howard asked Mariann if something still happens down there. Mariann said she's one of the lucky ones. Robin said if you're healthy then things stay together. Howard said Beth has a fabulous diet. Mariann said you feel liberated and things are good once you go through that. She said she's 63 now. Howard said she looks good. Mariann said don't do Botox.
Howard said Mariann is making sense. He hung up on her. Beth said she's getting light headed. Howard said she should have sat down. Beth said she was on long enough anyway. She said she's looking forward to this summer. She wished everyone a happy summer again.
Howard said that's an amazing woman. He said he would never leave. Robin said that Mariann was right about menopause. She said that every day is good and you never have an off day. She said there's no week you have to avoid. Howard said she'll come up with some excuse not to have sex. He said shell have to say she has a stomach ache.
James said the story is long. Howard asked him if he just decided to go over and help. James said it's more than that but his grandmother fought the Russians in World War II. He said she used to tell him stories about it. He said he wanted to go over and fight like his grandmother did.
Howard asked how many he's killed over there. James said he has never talked about that but for Howard he'll tell hi it's more than 160.
Howard asked what it's like fighting over there. James said he was fighting with a UK soldier. He said they had done some training over there. He said he didn't want to get killed. He said they were busy training people there. Howard asked what he trains them in. James said everything. He said they're training them how to shoot and things like that. He said it's everything. Robin asked if it's civilians. James said it is. He said they don't get to go to boot camp and things like that. Howard said listening to him he wants to go over there and fight. He said his fantasy would be to blow up some Russian tanks. James said he took out 7 in one day over there. Howard asked what he used. James said he used Javelin missiles. He said they were going on another mission and that's what they ended up doing instead. He said they were driving there in Toyota Camry's with Javelins in the trunk. James said that he was taking out tanks one after the other.
Howard asked about taking out the tanks with the rockets. James said the tanks are terrible so they get taken out with just one missile. Howard asked if he has had any hand to hand combat. James said not at all. He said he just shoots them. He said h hasn't had to stab anyone or anything like that.
Howard asked what kind of gun he's using over there. James said he's been using an AK47. He said the use some AK74s over there too. He said they're all lethal.
Howard said it hurts him to hear him talking about such masculine stuff. He said he has the summer off and he'd like to be over there. James said he can join him if he wants to.
Howard said some Americans were captured over there. James said those guys were his guys. He said he's lost about 10 guys. Howard asked what happened to them. James said they're not sure if they're dead or alive right now. He said if you go over there you better not get caught. He said they're going to do some dastardly stuff to you. He said he's got a $250,000 bounty on his head over there. He said if he ran out of bullets he'd run at them with a knife. He said if the caught him they would do ungodly things to him.
Jon Hein said that the Geneva Convention gives prisoners of war rights but they don't have that because they're not actual soldiers over there in Ukraine. James said they're not part of NATO and they do some ungodly stuff over there.
Howard asked how big his penis is. James said he's a good 7 and a half inches. Howard said good for you.
Howard asked if James speaks Ukrainian. James said he's learning. He said after this war he's going to go back and help rebuild. He said this started out as a 2 month thing but its going on longer. Howard asked how many women he'd been with over there. James said he's going through a divorce so he doesn't want to say.
Howard said some of the women over there look like super models. James said that one is more beautiful than the next. Howard said they must love him over there. James said even the women here in the states are living him right now. Howard said send some pictures of the women. James said he will.
Howard said he's like Rambo. He said he's a real man. He said he must hate these Russians. James said after seeing what they do to the people there in the villages he does. He said they rape and pillage and it's disgusting. Howard said he must love it when he takes one out. James said he does. He said they do such awful things there.
Howard asked where he served before. James said he can't talk about his prior service. He said the government isn't happy with what he's doing right now. Howard said he wants James to get a bunch of medals once he's president. He named a bunch of the medals he'll be giving him. Robin said he should get a statue. Howard said he's going to do that as well. He said they'll have a statue and he'll have Nancy Pelosi blow him in front of the American people.
Howard said Liz Cheney is really turning him on. He said he's digging her. He said she's a smart woman. He said James is a fucking hero. Howard asked when he's going back over. James said he can't say exactly but it's in August.
Howard asked James what happens when he's there and has to shit. He asked if he just shits in the woods. James said they do. He said he was taking shits outside. Howard asked if he takes his pants off completely and squats. James said you go down to your ankles and squat. Howard asked if they were able to wipe. James said they did have toilet paper. He said the food thing sucks and the facility thing sucks. He said they do get fed well over there though. He said people put them up in their homes.
Howard asked how he was able to hook up with the military. James said when he went over there he went in through Poland. He said he joined the foreign legion. He ended up joining this UK guy and they hooked up with the Ukrainian soldiers. Howard said that's what he would do.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake George Takei who offered this guy some free tickets to his play Allegiance. Howard lets George talk to him for a minute before getting back to James.
Howard said he wants James to be safe over there. He said when he becomes President he'll be honored with a statue and a blow job from Nancy Pelosi. He said he loves it.
James said he wants to plug Ripley's Heroes and they're helping them out with all kinds of stuff. RipleysHeroes.org is the web site.
Howard asked what kind of message he has for the Russians over there. James said they're up for a fight if they try to take him. He said they won't take him alive.
Howard said none of the guys that Robin fucked are half the man James is. Howard said he wishes he could have Robin. James said it's not too late. He said he's there for a few more weeks.
Howard said he'd appreciate it if he puts his name on one of hose missiles over there. James said he'll do that and send a picture of it. Howard said that would be a great honor. He asked him to do some Baba Booey stuff too. James said he'll do that. Howard said this will be great. He said these guys go in and rape and kill women and children there. He said James is a real man. He said he has to get them to say Baba Booey and then shoot them. James said he'll do what he can.
James said that he promises that you'll see a Russian saying Baba Booey in the next 2 months. Howard said just shoot them and don't risk your life for a Baba Booey. He said that Robin is so excited for this that her period came back. He told James to be safe over there. He said don't do anything stupid. James said it's been an honor talking to him. He said that he'll put his name on some bullets. Howard let James go a short time later.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along with ''Purple Rain.'' He said that was the final song Prince performed live before he passed away. He said what a loss. He said it's a great song. He said he got him thinking about his dad. He said the song just makes him sad. He said he doesn't like feeling. He said everything is sad. Robin said the story about the guy murdering two dogs made her sad. Howard said she didn't even tell all the details. Howard said Beth forced herself to go to the courthouse for that case. He said that really impressed him.
Howard read some stuff about Purple Rain and how it was supposed to be a country song. Howard wondered how many women Prince banged in his life. He said it must have been big numbers. Robin said she would imagine.
Howard said he wants to wrap some things up today. He said he has some Judge Joe Brown stuff. He said he was offered a judge show. He said he didn't want to do that though .He said he needed some free time. He said he passed on that. He said he thought they get on TV and make a fortune. He said Joe isn't on TV anymore but he has a podcast. He said this guy is hard core. He said this is a clip of Joe talking about Bill Cosby and he's really off he wall. Howard asked if they're sure this is the real Joe Brown.
Howard played a clip of Joe talking about how these women that Cosby is accused of doing stuff to were groupies and they should take responsibility for themselves.
Howard said that show was from Black News Tonight. Will said that is Judge Joe Brown in that clip. Howard said the guy was making $20 million a year doing his TV show and he refused a pay cut. Jon Hein said his ratings were dropping at the time. He said he was on TV from 1998 to 2013. He said he had a good run.
Howard said that was a really archaic way of thinking in that clip. He said this guy was a real judge. He said he didn't understand his point of view on Bill Cosby. He said that's a wild point of view. He said evidently this guy Joe Brown has a podcast now and the guys phony phone called him. He said it's easy to get through. He said they were the only ones calling.
Howard said he does his mother's voice and the guys took clips of that and called the show. He said they got them riled up. Robin said this isn't the guy she knows as Judge Joe Brown. Howard said maybe they're confused. He said no judge would be saying that shit. Robin said the do say some crazy shit these days. Howard said Chris thinks this is the real Judge Joe Brown.
Howard played the phony phone call the guys made to Joe's show where Chris told them that real women don't do what women in Playboy do. He had clips of Howard playing his mother and telling them things about these women and how they're not real. Chris had his mother talking about her bush and her huge nipples and things like that. They kept asking her to stop but they kept going with the clips.
Robin said that may be the real Joe Brown. she said that could be him. Howard said imagine going from that show to a podcast where they prank him. Robin said he could go home and just sit around.
Howard said Bobo needs a mentor this summer. He said they're going to have Bobo back on the show at the end of the summer and he's hopefully going to come up with a good question. He said to get the ball rolling they asked Bobo who he would select to mentor him. Bobo said Sly Stallone. He said he would go with him. He said he's helped with his issues with Mariann with his line ''Keep punching.'' He said he thinks he could help him craft his questions. Howard said Bobo thinks that's the guy to help him craft his questions.
Howard said next on the list was Sarah Silverman. He played a clip of Bobo talking about her. He was getting worked up thinking about her and said he would stare at her ''boobage'' the whole time he talked to her. That led to them asking him what he would do to her sexually. Bobo said he would do everything if he wasn't married. That led to Howard and Fred doing their Bobo impressions and goofing on his answer.
Howard said Bobo's third choice for mentor was Fred Norris. Howard said his fantasy is that he gets to go to his house for the weekend. Bobo said he'd like to go there and hang out by the ocean with Fred. He said he thinks that would be inspiring. He said he and Fred could hang out like a couple of bros. He said he loves the guy.
Howard and Fred did more of their Bobo impressions and goofed on him some more. Howard said Bobo's fantasy weekend with Fred continued. He played more of Bobo talking about what it would be like to be with Fred and how he'd sing to him as the sun comes up the next morning. He said he'd make him think that things were going to be okay.
Howard said it doesn't sound like there's going to be a lot of time to go over his questions. He said Bobo did draw the line at putting sunscreen on Fred. Howard played a clip of Bobo saying that's pushing it. He said he's not going to do that with a guy. He said if he insisted he might do it.
Howard said Bobo was doing a lot of grunting in those clips. Fred had already picked up on it and was doing it with the Bobo Puppet.
Howard had Bobo on the phone and asked if the sunscreen thing was too much. Bobo said he only did that for girls. He said he did that for girls when he was young.
Howard said Bobo is willing to work with these people as well as a few others. He named a bunch which included Jennifer Aniston and Conan O'Brien among others.
Howard asked what Bobo has to ask today. Bobo asked what Steve Nowicki's IQ is because he's so brilliant when he does his impressions and plays guitar. Howard got Steve on to talk about that. Steve said he has no idea what his IQ is. He said he's never been tested. He said he likes people thinking has a high IQ. He said he would like to keep the illusion alive.
Howard asked what kind of student he was. Steve said he went to temple University. He said he had a 3.3 GPA here. Howard asked what he scored on the SATs. Steve said he doesn't remember. Howard said guess who else doesn't remember, me.
Howard said thanks to Bobo and they're looking forward to hearing his question at the end of summer. He let him go after that.
Howard said he is never retiring from movies. He said he did 1 and he'll retire from radio but not movies. He said he'd always be able to turn down a movie. He said he recently turned down a couple. He really did. He said that he wouldn't announce he's retiring. He said it's like announcing you're retiring from having fun.
Howard said he got his ass kissed so much on the set of his movie. He said he can only imagine what Brad Pitt gets. He said that there's no reason to retire from that job.
Howard said if he stays alive long enough maybe he'll have a shot at being hotter than Brad. Robin said she remembers when Barbara Walters was hotter than Elizabeth Taylor. Howard said it can happen. He said you just have to live long enough. He said she actually looked better than Liz Taylor.
Howard said there's a dude in England named Jeremy Hunt and he's in the conservative party over there. He said they were covering a story about Boris Johnson and this news anchor mispronounced the name Jeremy Hunt. He played a clip where she said ''Jeremy Cunt.'' Howard said he thinks they're doing it on purpose. He said he's not sure how you mess that word up. He said it turns out that name trips people up over there a lot. He played a montage of people calling him Jeremy Cunt. They had a lot of people messing up the name.
Howard said in 2010 they had the host of a show named James Naughtie saying James Cunt and he gets completely rattled. He said he thinks he's laughing because of the way he screwed up his name. Howard played the clip and James messed up the name and had to keep himself from laughing. He said it was a coughing fit.
Howard said the guy should call himself Cunt Hunt. He said it's unbelievable. Fred played Ronnie saying ''cunt'' a bunch of times.
Howard had fake Dan Rather come in to talk about the names he's screwed up. He said he called George W. Bush George Stinky Bush. He had a couple of other names he messed up. Dan said he called Mitch McConnell ''Bitch McConnell'' and things like that. He had name after name that he screwed up.
Howard said he was talking to Ronnie who is going to move to England because they say cunt so much over there.
Howard said OJ Simpson has weighed in on Roe V Wade. He said he hates this guy so much. He was about to play something but Andy Cohen called in so he took his call.
Andy asked what his issue is with the women of Real Housewives. Howard said Andy knows that these women are freaks and that's why he hires them. Andy said he did say they are his Wack Pack. Howard said they're very disturbed women. He said he loves the show but the women are not real at all even though it's the Real Housewives. Howard said that woman Dorite is an annoying fuck and what did she do to her face. Andy asked if the result is not good. Howard said not this season. He asked what she did to her lips. Andy said they are a little plump. Howard said Lisa Rinna's mouth is ridiculous too.
Howard said its one of the best shows Andy has put together. He said the women think they're stars but the world is laughing at them. Howard said he does love the show and the way they show the women looking ridiculous.
JD got in on the conversation and brought up some of the stuff that happens on the show. Howard said he loves Andy and he has an eye for kooks. Andy said it takes one to know one.
Howard said Andy has been privately criticizing their own Chris Wilding. He said Andy says that Chris is not good on the air. Andy said he is on the air a lot. He said he wonders what the audience feels about him being on so much talking about his love life. Howard said he is interested in people's love lives and Chris is very open about it. He said he's entertained by that. He said it's interesting to hear a gay man's perspective. Andy said Howard's show is gayer than his at this point. He said the gay content is at a 10 on Howard's show now. Howard said this is a gay man talking about the gay content being too much on his show.
Chris said that they certainly like hearing from him more than they like hearing from Andy. He said Andy is a bore when he's on the show. He said he really doesn't like the way he goes after Howard and gives Howard back handed comments about him. He said he's not sure why he thinks he's even close to the level of Howard. He said he's always making comments about Howard. He said it's also disgusting how many times he's had COVID.
Howard let Chris go after Andy and Chris went off on him for claiming to be like Howard and he's nothing like Howard. He said he comes off like an old sad queen and he has to knock it off. Andy said he is an old queen. He said he loves Howard and he never said anything disparaging about Howard.
Howard said he wants to say something. He said he loves Chris and he loves Andy. He said he has never been offended by anything Andy has said about him. He said if he has dreams and desires about taking over for him that's fine. He said someone has to take over his studio some day and if Andy takes it over that's good with him.
Howard said the gay thing should be discussed on air and they have to do that because of what's happening in this country. He said it's the religious kooks who are trying to take over. Howard said he's running for president with Bradley Cooper and he's going to turn things around.
Andy said if he runs for President he has to leave his house. Howard said he does not. He said he won't go out and campaign at all. He said he'll be on Zoom. He said when he wins he'll come out of hiding but just a little bit.
Howard said he knows that Andy and Chris dated. Chris said it was a bit. He said they didn't date. Andy said he showed up drunk that night. Chris said he did call the housewives freaks that night. Andy said he never did that. Chris said he did.
Howard asked Andy if he thinks those women look good with that plastic surgery. Andy said he does. He said there's no one on that show that he looks at and thinks anything negative about. He said they have evolved and their faces are evolving with the plastic surgery evolution.
Howard asked Andy how he's doing on the dating front. Chris told him to be careful because Andy doesn't want to hear this. Andy asked Chris to put together a clip of him saying bad things about Howard. Chris said that JD has something to play. He said it's always something about him being too good to show up at Sirius and things like that. Howard said he's right about that. He said he is thinking about going in for a visit though.
Howard played a clip of Andy talking about wanting to sit in his chair in his studio. Andy said he thinks Howard would be furious if he did that. He said he may not get booked on the show ever again.
Howard said Andy was honoring him in that. He said he wasn't bashing him at all. Chris thought it wasn't so nice and it was creepy. Howard said it sounds like Andy wants him to punish him for sitting in his chair. Andy said he wants him to spank him for sitting in his chair.
Howard said he was thinking about Andy the other night. He asked what he's worth. He said he must have a lot from the Real Housewives stuff. Andy said that's been on the air for 14 years now. He said they have Below Deck going on too. Howard said Mark Cronin is part of that. He said he has the late night show too. He said he wonders what he earns. Howard asked why it's a secret in the industry. Andy said everything is good. Howard asked if he makes $15 million a year or more. Andy said there is no win with this conversation. He said if he were at dinner he would tell him.
Howard said he just wants to know if it's more or less than 15 million. Andy said he's not going to say because it would cause problems in his life.
Howard asked Andy who does know. Andy said that Anderson Cooper and John Mayer know. Howard asked Andy what kind of percentage he gets from Sirius. Andy said that's a lower part of his income. Chris said that's because his channels aren't so great.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Chris is very upset about his date with Andy. Ralph was on the phone and said that Chris was really upset about this date they had. He said that he was really pissed. Chris said that Ralph took him aside and told him he blew it with Andy. Ralph said he thinks what Andy was talking about was Chris sharing too much. Howard cut them off and said he thinks they're going into a whole other area.
Andy said he thinks that he and Chris had an okay date. Chris said it was a bit and that's the way he saw it too. He said he had no problem with the date.
Howard asked Andy again about what he makes. Andy said he's not saying. He said he won't go there because it'll lead to more problems.
Andy asked when they're brining back the news. Chris said this is what he's talking about. He said Andy likes to make Howard uncomfortable. He said he does it in a flitty way. Andy said this was a hallmark for 30 years and what's so nasty about that. Robin said the still address things. Howard said they discuss the issues during the show now. Chris said this is what he was talking about. Howard said Andy does a shtick where he has the audience ask the hard questions on his show. He said that's how he does it.
Howard asked Andy if he has ever had his staff call in during his show to ask uncomfortable questions. Andy said no. Howard said he's going to have him back in September to answer a lie detector test about this. He said he'll ask him if he ever had his staff call into his show with a hard question for a guest. Andy said they don't take callers on the show anymore. He said they got rid of that during the pandemic. He said now they have people on video asking questions. Howard said his favorite part of his show was when he took calls and he wants that back. Andy said if they give Chris more air time then they'll bring back the callers.
Howard let Andy go and Chris too. Howard said that was a lover's spat right there. He said that was sexual tension. He said Chris has to blow him already. Chris said no thank you.
Howard played the clip of OJ saying hello to Twitter world and then going into his thoughts on Roe V Wade being overturned. OJ thought it was a bad decision. He said that they should just leave it up to the lord to decide some day.
Howard did his impression of OJ and goofed on the clip for a few minutes. Howard said what a fucking maniac. He said he sounds like he's having fun and that drives him crazy. He said he hopes he's right and he has go to go heaven and beg God to let him in. He said he'll show up in Groucho Marx glasses and a moustache to try to get by him. He said he'll go up there with an English accent and try to sneak in.
Howard said OJ also weighed in on trans athletes and the January 6th hearings. Howard played some of that. OJ is against the trans athletes thing because it's just not fair. Howard said OJ wants things to be fair. Howard played more of him talking about Trump and the supporters sending money to him to stop the steal. He said those people are suckers. He said PT Barnum said one is born every day. Howard said he thinks that's every minute a sucker is born.
Howard played a song that the guys put together with OJ clips.
Howard said Yucko always had problems dating. He said they'd break up with him. He said he had nice looking women too. He said he has something going on now and now he's fat. He said it's like he's Fatso the Clown. He said the doctor told him he's pre-diabetic.
Roger said that he wants to go to the gym but he doesn't want to get COVID there and die. He said he doesn't know what to do. He said his gut hangs over his dick like an awning now. Howard asked how old he is. Roger said he's going to be 50 in a few months. Howard said he should cut back on eating. He said he knows what he's saying. He said when you get on a roll you have this stuff going on and he's making deals. He said he gets caught up in his work. Robin said he has to be on it because he's not sure when it will stop.
Howard said a lot of guys go out there and go into the gym instead of working. He said Roger is busy working but eating too. He said just take an hour a day and take a run. Robin said eat a vegetable once in a while. She said that's what he would say to people in the audience.
Howard asked if he's living alone. Roger said he is. He said he gets lonely. He said he watches a lot of comic cartoons and a lot of sci-fi stuff.
Howard answered a knock at the door and he had Fake Dr. Now there to tell Roger what to eat. Dr. Now gave him advice on how to lose that 85 pounds he gained over a year.
Howard let Dr. Now go and had Yucko give them a rundown of this Farzar. Roger said it's like Brickleberry in space. He said there's a lot of aliens trying to take over the planet. Howard said he's happy for him. He said he knows he's a talented guy and they'll all watch Farzar. Roger said if he gets diabetes and they chop off his feet he'll save on socks. Howard said he's always been an upbeat kind of guy like that. Howard asked him to send a picture of himself fat. He said he needs a good laugh.
Roger said he has big flappy tits. He said he has skin tags now and stretch marks. He said that's just his heart. Howard asked if he can lift his tit and wash under it. Roger said he does. He said he has to do that. He said he'll send him a picture like that woman on yesterday's show with the nude beach picture. Howard let Roger go a short time later. Howard said he loves that guy. He said he's glad he made something of himself.
Howard said Yucko retired from being the clown and he said it was just too crazy. Howard said Yucko was doing all kinds of crazy stuff. He said he retired that and went back to the clubs in his dirty clown outfit. He said he's a good guy. He said he never had any luck with women. He said then Gary told him he made Brickleberry. He said he was shocked that he had made it out there. He said he wasn't able to watch the show. He said he's not an adult cartoon fan. He said he's glad people liked it though. He said they had another hit and now they have Farzar. He said good for him. He said he will try to watch Farzar. He said he's not a fan of space aliens but he'll check it out.
Howard said Gary and Rahsaan are going to be doing a Summer School special and they'll have Robin and Fred on as guests. He said when they get back from vacation they'll have an update on Lenny Dykstra's pussy boat. He said they can't get Lenny out of the hotel. He said the show doesn't have a big budget and they can't get him out.
Howard asked Memet if Lenny is out. Memet said they think he left this morning. Derek said they had to pay extra for a late check out. Derek said that Lenny didn't think he had to get out but the hotel was booked and he was supposed to leave. He said he was throwing up from the dick pills he was taking. He said he had to get him some food and things like that.
Howard said the guys are going to the pussy boat today. Memet said that's the plan. He told Howard about how the hotel staff was trying to get Lenny out and they were told they'd have to charge for another night if he wasn't out by 2. Memet said Lenny was projectile vomiting at the time so they weren't able to get him out of the room.
Howard read more feedback about the JeopHorny game and how crazy that was. The fans wrote in about Lenny's loss and how he choked. Howard said after this summer they'll have an update on that Pussy Boat.
Howard said people are talking about what a good guy he was for taking Richard out for Thanksgiving. He said he doesn't even remember that. He read some feedback about that story.
Howard said the fans were glad to hear Ham Hands Bill on the show the other day. He said that was really great.
Howard took a call from a woman, Ally, who asked if he's going to see any celebrity friends over the summer. Howard said he will be seeing Jimmy Kimmel and his wife. He said he's trying to open his life up a little bit. He said he will also be seeing the beautiful Mary McCormack and her husband Michael. He said that he and Jimmy will be talking about Robin the whole time. Howard said he'll also be seeing his parents a lot. He said he may have to have Bradley Cooper over to talk about their run for office.
Howard said that he saw Ally on TikTok and she really is a good looking girl. Howard got her back on the phone. He said he saw her video and she is a very attractive woman. He said she must have a husband. She said she does. Howard said whatever she's doing is paying off. He said she looks good. Ally said that means a lot. She thanked him for taking her call. Howard let Ally go a short time later.
Howard said he has to go because he has an appointment. He said he's going to ask JD to end the show with some words of wisdom. He said this is important. JD ended the show by saying he hopes everyone has a good summer. He said he hopes Derek and Memet make it back okay. He said it's a crazy world out there so try and be positive about things and we'll see how it goes.
Howard said he somehow feels worse after that. He wrapped up the show and went into a live commercial read. They ended the show around 10:15am.
When the show was over someone didn't switch the audio off and some behind the scenes conversation could be heard. At one point in the conversation Howard mentioned he'll be doing some work this summer. He said he's ''doing Dr. Doom...'' and asked Gary for Jon Favreau's number. That seems like pretty big news that wasn't supposed to come out over the air.