Howard said he heard they had to punch the horse in the face when it was agitated. He said that's what Sal and Will were saying.
Will told Howard that the horse was biting another horse so the guy was shaking its head and punched it in the head on live TV. Howard said it's very Will Smith. He said that's fucked up. He said he hates animal abuse. Robin said the whole industry is basically abusive.
Howard said he heard they had to shoot a horse on the track one time. Robin said it broke a leg so they had to put it down. Robin said a horse can't lie down for long so they will die anyway. She said they tried to save his life but they couldn't do it.
Howard read some stats about the race and how much was put on that horse. He read some details about the bets and how much you could win by putting down a dollar on a superfecta. He said it paid $321,000. Howard said if you picked that horse then you deserve that. Will said you could have made crazy money on that horse. Robin said no one cares about the horses there. She said it's all about the betting.
Howard said they say that it's not like it used to be there at the track. He said his dad used to go there and he never understood how he was into it. He said he called it therapy and relaxation. He said it didn't look relaxing to him when he went with him. He said his dad was always angry. He said he was in a constant stage of agitation. He said he was always miserable. He said he'd ask his dad about it and he said people drive him crazy. He did his impression of his dad talking about that.
Howard said his dad would run into Dominic Barbara over there at the track. He said Dominic knew people and he would invite him into his box and things like that. He said his dad didn't want anything from the guy though. He said he would bring his own food there to eat. He said he didn't want lunch from Dominic.
Howard did his impression of his dad talking about his sardine sandwich lunch. He said he'd come home all red in the face and aggravated. He said he wasn't sure if he was a gambler or not. He said he thought he saved his money. He said he'd ask him about the money and he had a log he'd keep about what he bet. He said it was just so weird. He said he wasn't a degenerate gambler because he complained about those people. He said he'd call other betting people the degenerates. He said then he'd start yelling at him.
Howard said his dad said he would go there to get fresh air and see the horses. He said the people at the OTB were there just to gamble so he'd call them the degenerates.
Howard said his dad would scribble on his paper and run up to the window with all of his bets set. He said some people would get up there and didn't know what they were doing so his dad would complain about them. Robin said he was like that at restaurants too. Howard said he just knows there were a lot of people who annoyed him. He said he would freak out if someone recognized him at the track.
Howard said based on where he was living he thought his dad had a betting problem. He said you couldn't find a poorer neighborhood. He said if he had saved some more money they could have gotten out of there sooner.
Howard said his dad is full on bat shit crazy now. He said that he got someone to help him eat. He said they have to keep his hands from pulling out his IV. He said they don't tie you down but they put mitts or gloves on or something. He said they don't tie you down. Robin said they used to tie people down. Howard said not anymore.
Howard said he was talking to his mom yesterday and she didn't even ask about his dad. He said everything is weird with them. He said one is dying and the other is doing fine. He said they were the other way around not too long ago. He said his mom is doing okay. He said she had long term COVID and then she had pain everywhere. He said she had brain fog and all of this other stuff. He said she was doped up and she got through all of that. He said now she's eating and doing fine. He said things were bad there for a while. He said she got her hair done and got a nice hair cut. He said he was so glad she got her hair done. He said he didn't want to tell her that her hair looked better not done. He said now she looks like a dude with the short cut.
Howard said the thing they do at the beauty salon to these women is just wrong. He said they made her look like a dude. He said they think you have to cut it in a manly way. Robin said it can be harder to maintain when you get older. Howard said they give you a cut like a dude. He said when you get old no one leaves this planet fuckable. He said not even Brad Pitt. He said he likes seeing Johnny Depp on TV now. He said he's a bloated fucking mess. He said he's almost as fuckable as Johnny Depp now. He said not quite there but almost.
Howard said he loves that he's reading about Johnny Depp putting this trial on TV. He said it was his idea. He said it's not benefiting either of them. He said what an embarrassment. Robin said they should go home and hide for a while. Howard said it's great how one of the great actors can't even form a sentence. He said he must bore women to death. He said chicks just want to fuck the guy. Robin said they did a movie together and he just jammed his tongue down her mouth. Howard said he would do the same.
Howard said his dad is in the hospital on Mother's day. He said they sent his mom some egg drop soup. He said they got her a DoorDash account and started sending her food. He said she didn't want that food. He said she was complaining about that.
Howard said his daughter Ashley was over with his mom so she asked if she wanted anything. He said she didn't want anything until she heard they were getting Chinese food. He said she changed her mind and got some egg drop soup. Howard said she drank two bowls and didn't even use a spoon. He said he called and she told him about the soup. He said he knew about it because he sent it to her. He said he never gets credit. He said she said it was delicious but she didn't want more. He said he asked her if she wanted more and she started yelling at him for asking.
Howard said it's no wonder he shakes when he's awake. He said it's a miracle he's alive. He said he's trying to get her more egg drop soup. He said he told Beth he can't take it anymore and he doesn't even want to call her anymore. He said she has no idea he's the one taking care of all of this stuff. He said his dad is in the hospital pulling out his IV. He said what a fucking nightmare he's in.
Howard said then he wanted to say something emotional to his mom on Mother's day. He said he told her she was a wonderful mother. He said in some ways she was. He said she had some days. He said on the good days when she didn't tell him that she was going up to her room to kill herself. He said that it always goes wrong though. He said he always has to sum up. He said he told his mom how wonderful she was and then she says she did the best she could. He said then she goes on for 10 minutes about her philosophy on motherhood. He said she went on about how she did the best she could. He said he told her she was a good mother. He said then she said at least he had a mother because she never had a mother. He said he know. He said he's always trying to make people feel good and it doesn't work. He said his mom is feisty again. He said they have discussed everything in live already so he has to make up stuff to talk about.
Howard said his mom is watching the show Tattletales. He said she called Beth and asked her to write down something and she had her writing down this TV show she was trying to find the name of.
Howard said he asked his mom about watching Tattletales and she said it was just on TV so she watched it because it was on. He said she has to watch it with headphones on so she can hear it better. He said she still can't hear it though. He said he has to yell at her so she can hear him. He said his throat is burning from yelling so much. He said his mom didn't care if it was an old show. He said it's on and she watches it. He said every time he tries to make conversation with her it turns into an argument.
Howard said he saw his cat Grogu so he asked his mm if she wanted to see him. He said she just said ''What!?'' He said she was never a pet person. He said he never had a pet. He said that his mom thought they were just dirty.
Howard said he pointed out Grogu and told her they said he was going to die. He said he tried to explain but then he had to give up when she kept saying ''What?'' to him. He said he told her it was a miracle that this cat is doing better. He said he was going to die. He said his mom would get everything wrong that he told her.
Howard said his mom turned to his daughter and asked her to interpret what he was saying. He said the cat is alive and love is keeping him alive. He said his mother just said ''That's good.'' He said he has to take a nap after talking to her. He said he tells Beth that and she says she knows.
Howard said you have to see what's going on. He said he needs help. Robin said he might have to up his therapy. She said he's going through a lot. Howard said his therapist told him the same thing. He said he wanted to do a third day this week and he said no. He said he's tired of talking. He said he wants to rest. He said the therapist is saying he doesn't show enough emotion and he's so angry. He said he tells him he's not angry but he's angry when he's telling him that.
Howard said he likes being alone but the therapist thinks he likes people. He said he doesn't know what proof he has of that. He said he was so stressed out yesterday.
Howard said he and Beth were watching movies and he was so embarrassed watching them. He said he won't even mention them. Robin said he mentioned the show ''From'' and that's really good. She said the other one was the latest Spider-Man movie. She said that was really good. Howard said he didn't see Spider-Man. He said that wasn't him. He said he did tell her that but it wasn't him. He said he saw The Batman. He said he'd like to see the movie for free. Robin said she had to rent it. Howard said he rented Batman and it turns out it was on HBO. He said he's still reeling from that.
Howard said he loved The Batman but he hates it because he paid for it not knowing it was on HBO. He said the weird thing is that he was on a plane and he wanted to watch it on the plane. He said he could have downloaded it on HBOMax or Amazon. He said it ended up crapping out when he was watching it. He said he ended up watching it on HBOMax. He said that movie made $700 million and it pisses him off that $20 of it was his.
Howard said being on the air is relaxing now. He said he has to get off the air and then talk about his dad. He said the doctors want to know when he gets off the air so he can be the first one to talk to him.
Howard said his mom wanted him to be the one making the decisions about her. He said that's what was going on when they thought she was dying. Howard said now he has to make those about his dad. He said he was talking to his mom and told her that dad is in the hospital. He said she asked how he was doing. He said she has no idea. He said she didn't even tell him to say anything to him. He said she talks about him like he was a neighbor.
Howard said he takes better care of them than they did of themselves. He said he's a sucker. Robin said he has a heart. Howard said he sure does. He said his mom was kind of checked out on his dad. He said she didn't even ask about him. He said she has her own problems.
Howard said if he's laying there watching Tattletales when he's 93 he's got problems.
Howard said he wants to make a point about this abortion thing. He said all of the judges lied about Roe V. Wade. He said these four judges are liars.
Howard said the NY Times is so great. He said they wrote an article about Ed Koch who was a great mayor there in New York. He said people loved the guy. He said they wrote about his secret life. He said Ed was a gay man. He said there were rumors about it and he stayed closeted his whole life. He said there were details about the guy and it was so touching to read this article. He said this abortion thing is going to lead to gay marriage bans. He said that's what's going to happen. He said these religious zealots say that they want freedom but they just want to control everything. Howard said reading about Ed Koch not being able to have a personal life because he was nervous to be found out is just hard to read. He said he felt for the guy. He said he was a good man.
Howard said imagine you're an 11 year old girl who gets raped. He said according to this Supreme Court that child would have to have that baby. He said they have no exceptions. He said that will be the law of the land. He said you have to think about this. He said that if an atopic pregnancy takes place the baby wont be born alive but that woman would have to keep it and it would kill the mother. He said that's the law of the land. He said you ask these religious kooks about it and they think it's god's will.
Howard said birth defects will have to be born. He said there will be kids who are born in pain and the mother might die. He said they have to carry to term according to this. He said if a kid has sex and she can't tell her parents that she got pregnant she may jump out a window and kill herself. He said this is what will be going on in this country.
Robin said if congress becomes republican then they could outlaw abortion completely. Howard said it's crazy. Robin said they could make it the law of the land in every state.
Howard asked the caller, Liz, what it's like in foster care. Liz told Howard about a group home she works in and how there can be 20 kids at most. She said there are 15 right now. She said it's all boys. She said they take as early as 5 but ten they age out around 16.
Howard said he knows about group homes. He said he knew a girl who got the shit beaten out of her every day in a group home. He said there are no guards around like in prison so prison is almost better. He said that things are so bad that this one young lady was ready to kill herself. He said he knows stories but he won't get into it. Robin said this is like those kids who were starved by their parents and they grew up and wound up in a group home and then the group home leaders abused them too.
Howard had Liz continue. Liz said that this is a nice home but the majority of kids are unwanted. She said that some will go to homes but the homes are broken. Howard said you can get eaten up like road kill at these places. He said it's tough. Liz said there are 13,000 kids in the foster care system in Michigan. She said there are so many kids that aren't wanted.
Howard said one of his daughters worked in the foster care system for many years. He said it's mostly the Hispanic people and she would tell him stories about trying to find a family member to form a relationship with the kids. He said it was really hard.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Mitch McConnell who was asking if he's ever going to stop whining. He said that this is like a rerun or something. He said he has to get over all of this.
Howard let Mitch go after a short time. Liz told Howard about a couple of brothers who were in a home and one had something going on with his mind. She said the other one was decent. She said that these people took the one boy and not the brother. She said that's what parents do. Howard said that's what people do with their pets too. He said the dump off their pets and that's it. Howard thanked Liz for the call. She thanked him for making her laugh all these years.
Howard said he's sure if he had a brother he'd be the one left behind. Robin said she knew that foster care was worse than what she had at home. She said she tried to keep it going at home instead of getting out.
Howard played a clip of Memet talking to people about adopting kids if they had a chance. One couple said they would but they have 6 children of their own. They said they would do it but they haven't done it.
Howard said that they have some audio to play. He said at this PGA tour thing they were talking to a player who had to get physical therapy because her back gets tight during her period but the interviewer had no idea what to say about that.
Howard said if men had periods it would be a whole different story. He said that you'd get the announcer to talk about this stuff. He said they'd know that their backs get tight during their period.
Howard said this woman is great. He said she talked about how it's hard for her to play and this announcer just says ''Okay.'' Howard said if you were betting on football and you found out someone was on their period they'd put that in the news about the game. He said if Tom Brady had his period it would be part of the news.
Howard said this is Kurt Schilling's bloody sock mention. Howard played a clip of the commentator talking about that and wondering what the blood was from.
Howard said people have no idea how women's bodies work. He said this Todd Aiken guy once said that a woman can't get pregnant from a ''legitimate rape.'' Howard played that clip. He said this guy has no idea how the body works. He said he thinks the body knows if it's rape or not.
Howard said if you want to keep it really dumb this judge Pirro gets on the news and says there are 63 million abortions a year. He said he told Robin it was about 630,00 a year. He said here are only 64 million women of child bearing age in this country. He played a clip of idiot Pirro giving her stats.
Howard said he should make up his own stats like that. He said that she's on the news saying that. He said it's nowhere close to that many. Howard said he should make up stats about his penis saying it's 9 inches long.
Howard had fake Judge Jeanine Pirro on the phone. She was giving ridiculous stats for rapists that come into this country and rape our women who have abortions.
Howard said it's all fucked up. He asked if Robin saw the congressman who looked like he was face fucking some dude... He said he won't even get into it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that he's not even talking about the kids who wont make it into the foster care system. She said there will be kids who are kept and abused. She said she had it like that herself. She said it was like Mommy Dearest without the money. She said she was molested by boyfriends her mother had and things were really bad. She said it was worse with her parents than it was in Foster care. She said this is bad.
Howard said he sees it pretty clearly but there are opposing viewpoints. Robin said those views are all based on religion.
Howard played more audio that Memet got at this event he went to a while back. He had some audio of a woman talking about a woman who was raped and had children who were born and it brings them a source of joy. Howard said that's bullshit. He said he wants her to produce just one of those women. He said she's just lying. He did an impression of that woman telling lies about children who were the product of rape growing up to be very successful. Howard said he has a statistic that says they grow up to rob your house.
Howard played more of the audio that Memet got with these anti-abortion protestors. Howard went back into his impression of that woman who was talking about all of the successful rape babies.
Howard said he's watching this Met Gala thing and Blake comes out in this long train. He said then 4 Asian dudes come out. Robin said she saw that. Howard said they came over to adjust her train while she was posing for pictures. Howard wondered how a dude gets that job. He said he wants to interview those guys. He said he has a picture. He said there are two white guys and an Asian guy there. He said that isn't the same dress. Robin said they did a costume change on the red carpet. Howard asked how you get a job like that. JD said he thinks they're assistants to the designers. He said they wait and then go out and do their thing.
Howard said he doesn't knock jobs usually because he's done it all. He said as a man he'd have a hard time adjusting Blake Lively's train. JD said sometimes it's the designer themselves who do it. He said that's what goes on at the Met Gala. Robin said they also pulled away the other train and the dress. She said it was much more humiliating than just the train thing. She said they had to reveal all of this other stuff.
Howard said he and Beth were watching it together and she said she wouldn't mind going to the Met Gala. Howard said he's not going. He said he wouldn't do well there. He said people think he's an animal anyway. He said imagine he shows up dressed as a vagina. He said they'd be pissed.
Howard said he'd like to be a hero to his wife but he's glad he doesn't go to these things. He said that he read things about how Anna Wintour is kind of a dick. He said that's what he's read. JD said that The Devil Wears Prada was based on her so that's something. Howard said she's probably pissed off at fashion because she's not that hot. Robin said she rules over all of the hot people though. Howard said he'd like to rule over hot people too. He said that she's probably just on top of her game. He said if she's been at Vogue this long she's probably just good at her job and people bad mouth her. He said she may not be the dick people think she is.
Howard said if he went there with his wife dressed as a giant tampon he might be a big hero. Robin said it just has to sparkle. Howard said it would sparkle.
JD said some model came out and she was topless. He said she had gold on her boobs. He said he thinks she had her nips covered. He said it was Cara Delevingne who did that. Howard saw the picture of her and said it looks good. He said that is a good looking woman. JD said that's Cara Delevingne. He said she's a model. Howard said you're damn right she is. He said that's insane. He said he'd like to spray JD's nips like that. Howard said he'd like to have that job. He said she's a nice looking woman. He thanked JD for that.
Howard said he had an nice day yesterday laying in bed watching movies with this wife. Robin asked if they have sex after watching these movies. Howard said it was before the movies. He said they watch the worst movies. He said his wife can't believe he's a man and likes these movies. He said he has to ask Beth what it was. He said he can't even remember the plot. He said that they watched a movie they had already seen. He didn't remember it.
Howard told Robin about one of the movies they watched and said its this girl who goes to college and she meets some guy who is the bad guy there. He said he falls in love with this girl and it turns out he made a truth or dare bet that he could make her fall in love with him. He said then he falls for her. He said Beth told him that they watched them and there were sequels to this one. He said now they're all wrapped up in it. He said he loves when they're good looking people. He said that Hallmark has the ugliest people. He said he won't call out any names though. He said he doesn't watch romantic movies to see people who look like him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a criminology professor in North Carolina. Howard said this guy studies crime. The caller, Hayden, said that's right. Howard asked what he has found out. Hayden told Howard that a lot of his research is on inmates and he has 3 questions for Howard and the audience. He said he has a pop quiz for him. He asked what percentage of prisons and jails have a diagnosable mental condition. Howard said 93 and Robin said 85. Hayden said males are about 33 percent and women are higher than that. He said the biggest mental health facilities are prisons and jails. He was going on and on about that. Howard said he's not looking to feel stupid again. He asked if he's from Australia. Hayden said he is. Howard asked if he likes shrimp on the barbie. Hayden said that's a made up thing. He said that he did have a guy who applied to Outback Steakhouse and he didn't get the job.
Howard asked what we're doing here. Hayden said he's got a point. Howard said he's sure he has information but what does he get from it. Hayden told Howard that only about 30 percent of prisoners get visited while in prison. He said this is about unwanted children. He said they don't have a lot of friends or family so they end up back in prison. Howard said he's snoring through all of this. Hayden said he's talking about abortion and what happens and this is where it all ends up. Howard said now he's making a good point.
Howard said he likes the way the guy says ''trauma.'' Hayden talked more about this whole thing and said he heard him talking about the abortion thing earlier and that's why he called in.
Howard said he's imagining Robin being with this guy with that accent and being a professor. Hayden said he's married with kids. He said his wife is a gynecologist. Howard said that's too bad. He said he'd have the ride of his life with her. Hayden said she is a beautiful creature. Howard said Robin wants to go down under. He let Hayden go a short time later.
Howard said the movie he and Beth watched was ''After.'' Gary said the other one was ''Along for the Ride'' with Andi McDowell. Howard said he's not sure what that one was about. He said he has so much shit going on and he loves watching these movies. JD knew the plot for that one. Howard said he loves that stuff. He said Beth doesn't love it but he thinks she does. He said she won't admit that she likes it. He said if she didn't like it she would have gotten up and left. Robin said she has seen her get up and leave during good movies. Howard said Beth can't believe that he likes these bad movies. He said he knows what he likes.
Howard explained what this movie was about with this girl who was kind of a bookworm and you can tell she's hot without the glasses on. He told Robin what the movie was about and how this dude comes along and hits on her. He said this guy fucks all of the girls in town. He said it turns out that he steals her internet and they argue about that and then the next thing you know they're fucking and in this torrid love affair. Robin said this sounds like a nightmare. Howard said Beth loves it but she won't admit it.
Robin said Beth loves Kissing Booth. Howard said Along for the Ride was really god. He said they're good bad movies. He said that he never saw Koda but he guarantees this is way better. He said he wishes Beth would admit that she loves it.
Howard called Beth to ask her to admit she loves ''Along for the Ride.'' Beth said it was ridiculous. Howard said she won't admit she loves it. Beth said she loves watching it with Howard. She said she's just going to say she loved it. Howard said it's embarrassing to admit you love them.
Howard said they have to watch ''After we Fell'' next. Beth said they're filming a fourth one too. Howard said they're excited about this.
Beth asked if she should get his mother some egg drop soup. Howard said sure. He said she told them not to but get it for her. He said she'll probably freak out about it. Beth said she wasn't happy about the fried rice. Howard said his mother has gotten so angry. He said he's not sure why. He said she was drinking it out of the bowl. Beth said she's going to order it for her. Howard asked if it was the best day yesterday. Beth said it was a good weekend. Howard said he was so stressed out with his parents. Howard said she relaxed him sexually. Beth said he did with her too. She called Yoda over to her. She said he wanted a belly rub. Howard said the cats love him.
Howard asked if Beth ever feels like she's in a lesbian relationship with the movies he loves. Beth said she does feel like she's married to a teenage girl. She said he loves the movies more than she does. She said it's baffling. She said it's so much fun though. She said they love American Idol too. Howard asked who she thinks will win. Beth said she likes Fritz. SHE said she hopes he doesn't get eliminated. Howard said that he doesn't like that Ryan Seacrest wears shoes with no socks. Beth said she's not sure why he's so obsessed with that stuff.
Robin said she saw a picture of Howard and Beth somewhere and they were embraced. Howard said Beth wants him to pose for pictures and he hates it. He said he hides his face. Robin said the picture was beautiful. Howard said he's looking a little more ripped lately. He said he lost 5 pounds. He said you only see one layer of fat instead of 5.
Howard said he's not sure why he looks the way he does. Robin asked how old he is. She said he's not going to have a plump rump at his age. She said get some butt implants. Howard said no way. He said he sees what women are doing to their faces. He said he's going to look like a natural woman.
Lisa told Howard to have this woman Victoria Vesce on the show. She said she had brain tumors and got through them. Howard thanked her for the call but he's not going to have someone he doesn't know on his show. He said he has no interest in that.
Howard said she was pitching a woman who was trying to get into Sports Illustrated. He asked if anyone cares about that swimsuit edition now. He said there's so much free stuff on the internet. He said no one cares. He said back in the 90s it was something but now it's all over the internet.
Howard took a call from a hot girl with a brain tumor. It was the guys playing Wendy the Slow Adult clips.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she can't stand this Lisa woman. she said please stop taking her calls. SHE said she's not a 10 and she's not listening to her podcast. Howard said she's right about the podcast thing.
Howard said he doesn't think he ever beat off to Sports Illustrated. He said that he was into porn by that time. He said he had to beat off to panty ads in the paper when he was young.
Howard said his dad had porn and he used to find it and beat off to that. He said he had books and shit. Robin asked if his mother knew about it. Howard said he thinks she did. He said she would get upset about it. He said his dad used toilet paper as a bookmark so he must have been reading it in the bathroom. He said his dad worked long days and then he'd come home miserable. He said then after dinner he would go bounding up the steps with a song on his mind. He did an impression of what that sounded like.
Howard said he knows his mother said that she liked sex but she said to him that she'd be celibate but his father had needs. He said she only did it because she had to.
Howard said his poor mother. He said he asked her a lot of questions about sex but she doesn't talk a lot about that stuff. He said that he asked her once if they had sex doggy style and she didn't know what doggy style was. He said his mother doesn't cooperate when you ask her things. He said he's not sure how many girls his dad had sex with. He said his dad may have gone to a couple of hookers. He said he really doesn't know. He said he only has clues about his father. He said when he told him about his divorce he asked him why he didn't go to a hooker. He said his mother asked what kind of advice that is. Robin said maybe he did go to hookers then.
Howard said his dad had a life outside of the house. He said he doesn't know the ways of a man. He said he never had any man to man talk with his dad. He said there was no conversation with him at all. He said he just yelled at him for being a pain in the ass.
Howard said he asked his mom if she shaved down for dad. He said she likes a natural look. He said no one has a natural look. He said that she didn't shave her legs. He said she had very little hair on her legs though. He said she had dark hair but her legs were light. He said that he told her she could shave that but she didn't care.
Howard did his impression of his mother talking about how his dad likes her dripping wet bush and things like that. Howard said they say that men and women have a bush to trap the natural smells down there. He said that would attract people to each other. He said shave that thing and stop trapping the smell.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling from Washington DC and that got Howard talking about his days working there.
The caller never answered. Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he could go back in time and have the ideal high school experience would he trade it for what he has now. Howard said hell no. He said he was below regular in high school. He said when he got famous it changed a lot. He said at least things are easy now. He said he likes people wanting to be his friend now. He said fuck high school.
Howard said a friend of his was telling him that they're having a 50th high school reunion but he's not going there. He said it fucking sucked at that school. He said it would be totally weird to go. He said he's not going back.
Howard said he would go back 50 years and do it over because now he knows what he would do. He said he would play basketball too. He said he knows what to do now.
Howard said he would get skills and not look so ugly. He said he would work out and have more muscle. He said he'd put in the work. He said it's too late now but he knows what to do. Howard said he knows a lot of dudes who went to school with him and they have no idea what to do. He said he would call them out if he went to that reunion. He said it would be a bitter thing. He had a neighbor who was a dick to him and this guy never talked to him in high school but once he got famous the guy wanted to be his friend. He said there was no way that was going to happen.
Howard said being famous is like being a vampire. He said you can bring them into your world. He said there was no way he was going to do that for this guy. He said that guy was such a dick. He said he got his license and the kid saw him driving around. He said he said ''You have a license?'' in that really dick way. He said he ended up crashing his father's car. He said it was a Mercury Montego. He said it deserved to be totaled. He said it was a horrible car.
Howard said he remembers his dad thinking that car was like a race car. He said someone wanted to race him so he thought it was a race car. Howard said he ended up totaling that thing when a woman ran a stop sign.
Howard said JD and Ronnie get to be famous from being around him but not that guy from his neighborhood. He said that he isn't going to the high school reunion. He said that he would like to go to see some of the girls he beat off to back then to see how they look now. He said that would be funny. Robin said you can't go and laugh at them in person.
Howard took a call from a woman who said they have had someone on the show who is spreading the wrong information about mothers out there. She told Howard about how she had kids and her husband is pretty satisfied with her. Howard asked if she's calling to let her know that her pussy is tight. The caller said she is. She said that they're not abused pussies. Howard said there you go. He let Tiffany go after that. Howard said he's not sure what the fuck is going on today.
Howard said when someone has a gun on you, don't chase them. He said they're going to win that battle if they start shooting. Howard said what he's trying to tell him is... he's not sure where to begin. Howard said he's never been with an escort but when you bring someone into your house you're asking for trouble. Howard said he doesn't believe in lying so he should have been up front. Howard said you know that you can't be surprised when you hire a street walker. He said that this guy could have been vetted if we had legal prostitution in this country. Howard said you don't want to end up in prison for killing someone like that. The caller said he knows. He said he chased that guy for about half a mile and then ah car polled up and he jumped in and took off. He said he called the cops on him and they're looking for him now.
Howard said the cops aren't doing anything. He said they're in the police station laughing at him. The caller, Steve, said he was trying to get his money back but he wasn't able to do it.
Howard asked Steve how often he hires a hooker. Steve said not too often. He said he wanted his money back. Robin said he could have asked him for his money back instead of yelling at the guy. She said maybe that would have worked.
Steve said he feels so violated. He said when that dick flopped out he about shit his pants. Steve said he did ask for his money back and that's when the tussle took place.
Howard asked how big the dick was. Steve said it wasn't very big. He said it was pretty small. He said that he thought this was going to be interesting because it was an attractive black woman he saw in the picture. He said he had never had sex with a black woman before.
Steve said he's not sure that the cops are going to come back at him with this whole thing.
Howard let Steve go and did a live commercial read and went to break... finally. It was his first break of the morning.
Howard came back and said oddly Billy Joel told them that this isn't a good song. He said he likes it. Robin said the lyrics are great. She said if this is his worst song then the others are incredible. Howard said Billy doesn't perform this song often. Howard said Billy is a good guy.
Howard said Bob Dylan always looks miserable. He said he looks like he wants to yell all the time. He wondered if he's a fun dude. Robin said she remembers that Sheryl Crow said she called him to get advice when she had writer's block. She said he sounds mellow but she can't imagine that seeing him. Howard said you'd think you'd walk around with a smile on your face if you wrote some of those songs he wrote. He said he looks all pissed off.
Howard said Richard was telling him what he used to beat off to during the break. He said that it was something odd. Richard said it was number of odd things. He said the first one was when he had his first orgasm. He said it was a Bass Pro Shops catalog he was looking at. He said they had an inner tube that a woman was holding and that's what got him off. He said he thinks he passed out and woke up with a mess all over him.
Richard said another thing was this hunting magazine and this boat ad had two women in it and that was his material for like a year. Howard said he used to see drawn women that he could get off to. He said he beat off to Fritz the cat. He said it was an x-rated cartoon. He said it was hot women in the cartoon.
Richard said they used to go to a rock quarry and find magazines in the machines they had there. Howard said he was like the FBI investigating that stuff. Howard said he found a nudist magazine in Roosevelt. He said that he'd find all kinds of weird shit out there. He said that they had these people doing things in the nude and he took it and beat off to it. He said he didn't give two fucks about who had used it. He said he and his friends passed it around to each other. He said one of his friends got busted with it and they lost it.
Howard thanked the guy for the call. He said the only things he sees in the gym is old guy's balls.
The caller Howard had on the line was talking about insulation or something with someone. Howard said he must be working or something. He got the guy's attention finally. The caller, Dan, said they were talking about insulation. He said he's been working in corrections for 22 years and people are all insane. Howard asked if he's a prison guard. Dan said he is. He said that it's a lot of fun because every day is different. He said he was working the strip room one day and he had this guy open his mouth and he spit a bag of weed in his hand. He said the guy took it and shoved it in his ass. He said then it came out of his ass and the guy shoved it in his mouth and swallowed it.
Howard asked Dan if he's a tough guy. Dan said not at all. He said he'd rather talk someone down off the ledge. He said he does have to fight guys though.
Howard took a call from Ass Napkin Ed who said he wrote a quick joke. He asked what you call a bitch getting fucked... a bed spread. Howard said he doesn't get it. Ed said that she's on the bed getting spread out.
Howard said Ed doesn't do anything for a living. Ed said his mother left him her house and a new car. He said that she's 77. He said he can walk to Pennsylvania from where he's at now. He said that he's going to have the Amish build him a garage for the house too.
Howard said the Amish don't use nails. He said they do this intricate kind of connecting thing. He said they carve stuff. Ed said he didn't know that. He said he hopes they do but okay.
Howard said he was thinking of buying a barn and someone told him that if the Amish do it then they don't use nails.
Ed said he got himself a riding mower. He said he fell off of it though. He said the yard is so huge he fell off. Howard asked if he's in the house already. Ed said he is. He said he's on the deed of the house. He said his car is a 2022 Toyota. He said his mother left him that and the house. He said he got the riding mower too. Howard asked what the property taxes are. Ed said it's $1900 a year. Howard said listen to this guy. He said he's thinking for Robin that it might have to be Mrs. Ass Napkin. He said he's like Ass Napkin Bezos. Ed said he has to have her sign a pre-nuptial.
Robin asked if his mother stays there. Ed said she does sty there in the other part of the house. He said she stays upstairs. Howard asked why she would sign her house over to Ass Napkin Ed. He said he knew a guy who got older and he was going to hand off his money to his kids. He said that he ended up being miserable the rest of his life. He said he gave that money to the kids and the kids would give him any. Ed said his mom did it so she doesn't have to go through probation court or something.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Ass Napkin Chris who asked if he can live with him. Ed said he has to pay him. He said he's all the way in western New York now.
Howard closed the door on Chris and took a call from King of All Blacks who said they know that house is old as hell and what he's going to do is take a loan out and he'll get foreclosed on. He said they have smart people who get stuff like this and have it foreclosed. Ed said they have Moen faucets there. King said it's the old ones. He said they know it. He said he'll give him $50,000 cash or the house right now. Ed said it's a six figure house. King said that's right but he'll take 50 grand right now.
King was asking if his mom left money too. Ed said she did. He said that he reported it all to the government. Howard said he knows that women might be interested in Ed now. Ed said they can send them some information if they have anything.
Howard said he's proud of Ed. Ed said he's on the wagon now. He said he has a bathroom of his own now. He said he only flushes once a day because he doesn't want the water bill going up. Robin said King was right and this house won't be worth anything in a couple of months. Howard said he has a bathroom now so give him a second to adjust.
Howard said he has to get out of there. He said he has to go tape some stuff for the show. He said he was going to read some fan mail but he can't find it. He said he printed it all out. He said he will have to wait for tomorrow. He did a live commercial read and ended the show around 10:10am.
Howard said he gets that the dude was ready to get out of prison. Robin said yeah but the prison guard had a life. She said she planned it and got some cars and retired and all of that. She said that she thought she was going to get money from the prison after she helped this guy escape.
Howard said they're talking about this prison guard who had a romantic relationship with a convicted murderer, Casey White. He said they think it was a romantic relationship. Robin said they never said that. She said they don't know if there were any shenanigans going on.
Howard said if he ever goes to prison he's going to find a prison guard who looks like Benjy and plan his escape. Robin said the woman in the Danemora thing was no beauty queen.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn thinks she can predict what Bobo's question is going to be. Howard got her on and said Bobo is on the line too. He said that this is an interesting notion. He said she feels she can predict it today. Mariann said she thinks he's going to ask him about Andy Warhol's painting of Marilyn Monroe's painting selling and if he thinks his paintings will sell for more than that. Howard said she could be on to something.
Howard got Bobo on the line and he sees what his question is already. He said that she could be right because it was a very bad question. Howard said good morning to Bobo and asked what his question is. Bobo said about a year ago Howard started watching Manifest and he asked if he'll watch that fourth season. Howard said Mariann was wrong so she did not win. Howard said he saw his question before picking up. Howard said he thinks Mariann's question was better than Bobo's. He said this was a fun game.
Howard said Bobo's question is if he will continue to watch a show he liked. Mariann asked if Howard can believed that painting sold for 195 million. Howard said he will never understand the world of art. He said what you like to look at is so arbitrary. He said that everyone is entitled to their opinion but the prices they stick on this shit is out there. He said you look at some of that shit that Andy Warhol scrawled out is nothing that impressive. He said he was goofing on the art world with his work. He said a lot of things that have required talent have become useless. Robin said Banksy was anti-art and now his paintings go for hundreds of millions of dollars.
Howard said he goes to auctions online sometimes and some of the best paintings are British water color artists from hundreds of years ago. He said he can get master works for $300. He said they're master works that sold for hundreds of thousands of dollars. He said that people are going for weird stuff now. Mariann said it's a trend.
Howard let Mariann go after she got in a plug for her new Twitter account @MariannFreeBobo.
Howard said the fans appreciate their talk on abortion. He read some feedback he got about that. Robin said a survey found that 64 percent of the country wants Roe left alone and the rest want something done. Howard said we're here because a lot of these assholes who get voted in are voted in on other issues. He said they get voted in on wacky shit. He said that's why we're here.
Howard said if someone says they're against a woman's right to choose he won't vote for them. He said they think a woman is too stupid to decide for herself what's right for them. Robin said Mitch McConnell's first wife had three kids with him and then she got out of there. She said she became a feminist and worked with Gloria Steinem. She said Mitch turned her into one of the staunchest feminists in the world. Howard said imagine fucking that guy.
Howard said we're already having problems with unwanted children in this world. He said we're going to be over run by unwanted children if this happens.
Howard read more of the feedback he got about the abortion issue. Robin said she wishes that laws were not just for women and they applied to men as well. Howard said the whole thing is maddening. He said he wishes the republicans would go back to not wanting to invade your private life. He said they've gone rogue and unhinged. He said they've latched on to the religious right agenda.
Howard said people wrote in and told him not to go to his high school reunion. He said you don't have to tell him that. He said he won't be going. He read some comments he got about that.
Howard said it wasn't like the kids treated him so bad in high school. He said it was more about how he just wanted to get out and do his own thing. He said his friend Dr. Lou has been a friend since 4th grade. He said he's a great guy and he was his college roommate. He said he was always there for him. He said he loves the guy. He said he was like a brother to him. He said he was the only white kid who came to visit him in an all black neighborhood. He said he doesn't know any other white guy who would do that. He said there weren't many white people in his community. He said the kids were told not to go there. He said that Lou would hop on his bike and come visit. He said Lou was a tough guy. He said that he was a good looking guy who looked 25 at the age of 14. He said he had pubes and a mature penis. He said he had to shave every day. He said he never had to shave like Lou did.
Howard said he and Lou ended up being in college together. He said that was a weird coincidence. He said Lou got into Boston University and he did a 6 year thing to become a doctor. He said he got into medical school right after high school. He said he was very proud of him for that. He said Lou was going to have no problem making a living. He said Boston University had a program for morons so that's how he got in. He said he never opened a book in high school. He said they told him he could do it if he applied himself.
Howard said if you went to Boston University basic studies then you didn't do well in high school. He said he was up front with them when he applied. He said he went to a bad school and he told them what happened. He said he's not a moron but he never got the concept of opening a book. He said he got straight A's there. He said his father was paying for it so he figured he had to make it worth the money.
Howard said if you make the parents pay then you feel guilty. Howard said if it's free then no one values it. He said it's like the COVID vaccine. He said if you told people they had to pay for it then people would be protesting and saying they deserve to get it instead of saying they don't want it.
Howard said he did the radio show there at Boston University. He said he thought for sure he would never make a living at it. He said he thought that he would be relegated to no future. He said Lou was always friendly to him and he believed in him.
Howard said he and Lou were roommates so when they were with women they figured out what to do to stay out of the room. He said he didn't know what to do with himself when Lou had a girl in there. He said that he would get a girl from time to time and Lou would find something to do. He said he'd end up sitting on the floor like a dog waiting outside the room. He said he didn't know what to do. He said he didn't know anyone.
Robin said she lived in a co-ed dorm and this one guy was one of the handsomest guys on the campus and his roommate's nickname was Spooky so you can imagine what he was like. she said he would come to their room when his roommate got a girl.
Howard said he got lucky a few times. He said he didn't know what to do with himself the rest of the time.
Howard said a lot of people enjoyed their discussion about easy porn access. He said there were places to go to find porn when they were growing up. He said today it's easy. He read some feedback about that subject. Fans wrote in with stories of their own about finding porn magazines when they were young.
Howard said people wrote in about their discussion about working at DC-101 in Washington DC. Howard had some feedback about that. Someone wrote in about the riot they caused at a store they made an appearance at. It was at a Woodward & Lothrop store.
Howard said he remembers writing his first book and the book company asked him to do a signing. He said that he went to Roosevelt Field mall and he remembers seeing some guys who wrote a book at a book store signing books. He said the two guys were there and no one was coming up to them. He said it was an empty book store. He said when he wrote his book he thought that was going to happen to him. He said he remembers the Kalb brothers sitting there with no one coming up to them. He said they were sitting there with a stack of these books and it was heart breaking. He said he thinks Ronnie drove him over to his first book signing and he thought it was going to be empty.
Robin said Howard was just a wreck that morning. She said he thought no one was going to show up. Howard said he thought he was going to be Bernard Kalb. He said they were driving over there and he's not sure who was in the car. Gary said he was in there. Howard said he thinks the got near the book store Barnes and Noble and Ronnie said there was a lot of traffic in the area. Ronnie said they weren't able to get down 5th avenue. He said they had no clue why. Ronnie said he had to call people at the book store and they had to send a police escort to get them.
Howard said the police came and got them and brought them to the book store. Ronnie said Howard shut down the whole city that day. Howard said he didn't realize the scope of the whole thing. He said every book signing after that they had barricades set up all over. He said even the police didn't think this would happen. He said it was mass chaos in the street. He said he remembers getting gout of the car and he got swamped with people. He said he thought he was going to get crushed. He said the security picked him up and dragged him inside.
Robin said no one would have sent a police detail to get him but he was the cause of the problem. Howard said he was more relived than anything.
Howard said there were people at one of the book signings where they were rocking the car and they almost tipped it over. Ronnie said it was that one. Gary said there was one in Philly where they did that. He said no one was around and it got very scary. He said they were excited to see Howard. Howard said they rocked the car so bad that he thought they might die. He said it was going to get crushed. Ronnie said it was insane.
Robin said she remembers that someone said that someone said they brought Howard in the way they brought the Beatles in for an appearance. Ronnie said that wasn't he first one. He said it was after that one because the city realized that his book signing would shut down the city.
Howard said he remembers one thing. He said Ronnie turned to him and said that it was the first time in his life that he had been in a book store. Gary said he has a recollection that his agent had called and said that they were going to have a lot of people at this book signing and the cops laughed at him. He said the next signing they had those barricades for blocks and blocks.
Howard said he felt good about the whole thing after that. Ronnie said they changed things after that first one. Robin said the crowd was so huge and it went out in the street forever. She said the fans stayed there the whole time. Gary said it was the middle of the work day to. Howard said that's why he thought no one was going to show up. He said people had to work. He said he was mad that they would do it during the week because no one would show up. He said he never would have left work to do that for anyone. Robin said he signed books until it got dark out. Howard said it was crazy. He said he had to sign every book that day. He said most of his fans must have been unemployed or something.
Gary said he remembers Ronnie thinking this backup was all for him and they were like ''What?''
Howard said someone wrote in about going to a signing for the 50 Ways to Rank Your Mother record. He said he remembers a younger girl kicking him for asking if her mother was hot. He said this girl was probably 14 or so. He said this little punk kicked him right in the nuts for asking if her mom was good looking. Fred said if you were there then you'd know what to expect. Howard said he wasn't expecting that at all.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he was in the car with him that day at the book signing. Ralph said it was really scary when they got there. He said they weren't able to get out of the car. He said Howard couldn't even get in. He said they had to send 20 guys to clear a path. Howard said he was upset that he was late. Ralph said it turned out Howard was causing the traffic that was making him late. He said it was so great. He said a lot of people listened to the show but you didn't know how many. He said then it was cemented when they saw them come out.
Howard said all of those events were so crazy. He said the fans would meet up and fuck at the events in tents. Ralph said Howard did the book signings and didn't leave until he was done with signing. Howard said if someone is paying for the book you have to stick around the whole time.
Gary said there was an indication of what would be a few years before. He said they had beat Imus in the ratings and he pulled up by WNBC and that shut the street down that day. He said they were going to arrest their PR person that day because of that stunt. Howard said he remembers pulling up and getting on the megaphone. He said he just stuck his head out the sunroof. Robin said they did that in London and people wanted to lynch him for doing it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw him at that book signing. He said no one was able to cross 5th ave. He said that people were chanting Howard's name. He said they somehow got Howard out of the car and he had never seen that before. Howard said it was crazy. He said he remembers Jimmy Carter campaigning for president and the police had it so organized. He said it was crazy. He said no one was prepared for this. He said it was crazy. Robin said nothing was set up near the book store. The caller said the just didn't expect it. He said it was an incredible time. He said he never did get to see Howard. Howard said some day they will meet.
Howard said they called it ''SternLock'' instead of gridlock back then in the news.
Howard said someone wrote in about Gary going to an appearance and he was man handled by people. Howard said Gary was asked to dress up like a gorilla one time and he refused to do it. Gary said he pulled up and the guy was holding a suit for him to wear and he refused to put it on. He said he showed up at another appearance where they wanted him to wear a wig and a Hooter's girl outfit. He said it was for a movie premiere for a movie. He said that Jason had come with him and they offered him $500 to wear it and he agreed to do it.
Howard read some feedback about Sheryl Crow's appearance on the show last week. Howard said Sheryl did some of her classic songs. He played some clips. Howard said Sheryl sounds so good. Robin said they've really worked on the sound there and it sounds so clear.
Howard read more comments from the fans about how good Sheryl sounded. He played Sheryl and her back up singer doing a harmonizing thing together. Howard said that was fun and he thanks her for doing that.
Howard said people wrote in about the rock and roll hall of fame discussion. He read a few comments about that.
Howard said people wrote in about the speaking in tongues phony phone call they did. He said that was a long time ago. He said he has a lot more feedback but you get the idea.
Howard said he should take a break before talking about Ronnie. He went into a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked what happened to Outkast. Robin said one of them wanted to act so he went out and did that. Howard said he could act like a recording artist and get back into the studio. He said how about that. He said he likes this song. He said he doesn't like the rapping but the singing is good. He said he likes that part.
Howard asked if Robin has heard about squeak rap. Robin hadn't. Howard said there's rap called mumble rap. He said they just mumble. He said now there's something called squeak rap. He said this has 530 million views on YouTube. He played a clip and said it's horrible. Robin said you still hear the N-word but the rest doesn't make sense. Howard said this guy took mumble rap further. He said this has 11 million views. He played a clip of this guy doing squeak rap. He was rapping in a high voice. Howard said this guy started squeaking because his normal stuff wasn't getting noticed. He said now he's getting views. He said this is 645AR talking about why he did this. He played the clip and the guy was saying he was trying to make something different and that gets people's attention.
Howard said this is the song that made the guy popular. He played a clip of his song ''4 Da Trap.'' Howard said that's not his thing but whatever.
Howard said the guy claims that's his real voice and he's not doing something with AutoTune. He said he did a live version to prove it. He played a clip of the guy doing his thing. Robin said that does not sound the same.
Howard said the guys put together a High Pitch Erik rap song because they were inspired by that guy. He played the song and said there's all kinds of weird shit on the internet.
Howard said he shouldn't even play this next clip. He said this is called the Wonderful World of MukBangs. He said if you love watching and listening to people eat this is for you. He said this is where someone consumes a large meal. He said it's usually a woman. He said this makes him mental. He said he does not like this at all. He said they get the microphones really close and they're super sensitive.
Howard said they claim that people can make good money doing this. He said Robin might want to do this. He played a clip from a Korean woman. He said be prepared to be disgusted. He said this makes him nuts. Howard said this video has over 12.5 million views. He said she has almost 8 million subscribers. He asked how anyone can listen to that and get off on it.
Howard said this is another Korean named Boki who eats oysters and other things. Howard played the clip and said it makes him nuts. Robin sounded disgusted by it. Robin said she's glad that squeak rap is more popular than this.
Howard played more clips and said he just doesn't get it at all. He had an American woman doing it too. She was smacking her lips and chewing while talking about getting her armpits waxed. Howard said it's not even a good story. He said it's horrible listening to people eat.
Howard said as with most things on the internet there is porn with this. He played some clips of women eating and showing off their bodies at the same time. He said this is MukBang porn. He said it ain't that hot.
Howard said he's glad he doesn't get off on this. Robin said she wouldn't be able to work with him if he did. Howard said he watched a porn yesterday and he thinks he had seen it before. He said he still watched it. He said he thinks he saw it and it was a step mom with a step son who is on the couch with her. He said this guy's hands are full of tape to show he was in an accident. He said he has been so horny and he didn't know what to do so the step mom helps him out. He said this guy goes over with electrical tape on his fingers. He said he seemed to remember the tape on his fingers. He said the guy had a giant dick and the mom is telling him that she'll help him out like she does for his dad. Howard said the guy came into a towel. He said it was very strange. He said then this mom comes over to him and says she'll help him again. He said he sees her titties are out and then he got out of there so he didn't see what happened after.
Howard said they were on top of this eating trend long ago. He said they have High Pitch Erik and the late Evil Dave eating clips. He played some clips of Erik eating and then some Evil Dave clips where he was eating chips.
Howard said before Dave would do his impressions he would insist on chips and juice. He said that's how he was paid. Robin said the had a lot of Wack Packers on microphone eating. she said they used to send them on dates and they would have them eating. Howard said they were way ahead of their time.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said the MukBang videos where women have makeup on and stuff is made to get you off because they're talking and eating. He said it somehow kind of works for him. He said it did it for him. He said it's starting to turn him on. He said the anticipation of what's going to happen after they eat is what gets him off. Howard asked him to explain that to him. King said you know they have to shit but they don't show that part. Howard said he should be arrested for this. King said he gets it. He said he has jerked off to that MukBang stuff.
Howard said he has jerked off to just about everything out there but he can't watch this stuff.
King said the most erotic stuff is the seafood stuff. He said when they take the lobster out it's hanging out there and it could be your dick they're sucking on. Howard said King is a broken man.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has to cut out the MukBang stuff or he'll cancel his subscription. Howard said he gets it. He said he does not like it. The caller said that people are beating off to this shit. Howard said this is what the country has come to. He said if you're beating off to this shit you should enlist in the military and go over and fight for your country.
Howard said he'd never think that Ronnie was a sex guru. He said he is a cocksman. He said he has had a lot of sexual experiences. He said he had Handjob Connie and the catholic girl he fucked in the ass and all of that. He said he became a sex expert on the show. He said that they thought they would take women from Ronnie's day and have him evaluate them. Ronnie said he thought it was fun. He said that they were getting girls from back in the 70s. He said it was fun. He said a lot of the shit you saw back then you see now. He said they revive the styles and stuff now.
Howard said they showed women to Ronnie from when they were young. He said they would be his contemporaries now. He said there is a twist though. He said it turns out that all of the women were members of their staff's mothers. Ronnie said he has to be kidding. Howard said nope. He said they recorded him talking about them and they have a lot of the guy's mothers involved. Ronnie said he doesn't care who was in it. Howard said they have a folder to look at to see their mothers.
Howard asked Blitt whose idea this was. Blitt said it wasn't his idea. Ronnie said it had to be Sal's idea. Sal said that they had a meeting and evolved into this.
Howard said Chris Wildling and JD turned down this offer to have Ronnie do this. He said that Chris didn't want to hear it. He said JD's mom didn't want to be involved.
Howard said one staffer declined after he heard what Ronnie said about their mom. He said this is one of his pervy evaluations. He said this is Jason's mom. He played the clip of Ronnie talking about Jason's mom. In the clip he said she has amazing lips. He said she has small boobs. He said she's in a minidress and she's sexy in her own way. He said she has a look like she wants to play and have a good time. He said she looks like she'd take it in the ass and you could have some fun with her. He said she's very sexy in her own way. He said he'd give her a 7.
Howard asked Ronnie how he feels. Ronnie said he sees Jason's face now when he sees this picture. He said he wasn't thinking about it in that way at the time but this is insane. He said that's Jason's mom. Howard said he can see the family resemblance. He asked how that feels to Jason. Jason said it's such a mixed bag. He said it's creepy but he's glad he didn't say she was gross. He said it's weird to hear it. He said he asked his mom for some photos and she sent them over so he tried to find something that Ronnie would like.
Howard said it's weird to look for pictures you want him to like. Jason was laughing and said it's so gross. Jason said he and his mom have the same face so it's so gross on so many levels. Howard said his mom is under age in this photo too. Jason said he didn't know it at the time.
Howard said Ronnie would fuck her in the ass. Ronnie said he's not taking his review back.
Howard said up next they have Ronnie's evaluation of this next mom. He said he won't say who it is yet. Howard played Ronnie's review where he talked about how this woman looked with her small boobs. He said he would give her a 6 but in bed he'd give her a 9. He said he'd give her a 7 overall. Howard asked whose mom that is. Ronnie said she looks like the chick from Father Knows Best. Howard asked who the dude was whose mom this was. The staffer was Wolfie. Ronnie said he never would have guessed that one. Howard asked what it's like to hear this. Wolfie said you feel nauseous hearing him talk like that. He said it doesn't sit well. Howard asked Ronnie how he knows she likes it in the ass. Ronnie said she has that look like she's up for anything. He said no offense but she's that cute girl who wants to prove something to the guy she's with.
Gary said you can't even see her ass in that picture but he somehow knows she wants it in the ass.
Howard said this is the third mom. He played the clip of Ronnie talking about this person and he said she looks like she could be fun but she's hiding a lot of things. He said that she was hiding her face and she seems like a plain Jane who looks like she's trying too hard to look cool. He said he thinks she'd be a cold fish in bed. He rated her at a 5.
Ronnie said he can't tell who it is. Howard said he thought Ronnie was going to say she was hot. Ronnie said there's too much going on there. Ronnie said he's thinking it might be Gary's mom. Howard said it's not. Robin said she thought the same thing. Howard asked the staffer to come forward. It turned out to be Jon Blitt's mother. Blitt said that he thinks that his parents were having marital problems at the time that picture was taken. He said he could fly her to Ronnie or something like that if he wants to have sex with her. He said she would be game for that.
Ronnie said Blitt will do anything. Blitt said his mom will do him good. Howard said Ronnie is down on Jon's mom. Ronnie said maybe he knew subconsciously that it was her.
Howard asked Jon if he thinks that Ronnie has it all wrong. Jon said he has heard that she is incredible in bed. He said he wants Ronnie to have sex with her, please. He asked if he'll do it. Ronnie said he's in.
Howard said Ronnie just trashed that woman. The guys said she had glasses on so that's why he trashed her. Ronnie said that was just part of it.
Howard said now he has the fourth mom and he'll play Ronnie's thoughts. Ronnie said she's very plain and very matron like. He said she found in his day that women like that are fun in bed. He said she has nice hands and would give a great hand job. He said her boobs are nice and he's sure she'd let you finish on her boobs. He said he'd give her a 7.
Howard said Ronnie picks women like that escaped convict does. Howard asked who Ronnie thinks this is. Ronnie asked if it was Sal's mom. Howard said that is correct. Sal said the day he recorded this he felt the blood leave his face. Ronnie said he was laughing at every bit of this. Sal said he was but to hear him talking about giving a good hand job was just uncomfortable. He said he would rather him not find her attractive.
Howard said he has the fifth mom. He played the clip of Ronnie talking about this one. Ronnie said this is like the chick who went to an all girl catholic school and she'd run right to your house and get at it. He said she'd be horny and hot. He said she'd let you do anything to her. He said her eyes say she can't wait to get into bed with you and this chick does it all. He said he'd give her a 7.5 for the cuteness and the fun in bed. Howard asked why Ronnie is turning red. Ronnie said that has to be Will's mother. He said he can see the resemblance now.
Howard said that's Will's mom. Will said she's ready to get fingered as soon as she gets off the bus. Howard cracked up laughing. Howard said he has a whole scenario for these women. He said it's fair to say that she is his type. Ronnie said she is. He said she's his catholic school girlfriend. Howard said he drew a beard on her and she looks just like Will.
Howard asked if this is creepy. Ronnie said look whose idea this was. He said talk about crazy.
Fred had Howard cracking up doing his Ronnie puppet voice. Will said his mom was a good sport about this. He said she gave him the pictures and she was fine with whatever he said about her. He said his mom has been through a lot and nothing is going to shock her at this point.
Howard said this is the sixth mom and this is what Ronnie had to say about her. Ronnie said she has a big nose but it's sexy. He said she looks like fun. He said she has this sexiness and she must give a great blow job. He said he thinks she'd want to get eaten out. He said she'd probably lay there with her legs spread and he'd give her an 8. Howard asked who he thinks she is. Ronnie said it has to be one of two people. He said he's going to say Gary. Howard said that's right. Gary said you do want him to like your mom. He said he's okay with what he said about her. He said he's glad he didn't call her a whore. Howard said he did say he would enjoy eating her out. Gary said he and his mom have the same face so that weirds him out. Howard said Gary's mom looks very attractive in this picture. Gary said thank god she's dead but that probably wouldn't stop Ronnie from trying to fuck her.
Howard said the picture is the one he displays on his mantle. Gary said it is one of her young and looking happy. He said that's how he likes to remember her. Howard said he met her a bunch of times and he never thought about her getting eaten out rapidly. He said Ronnie is turning red over this. Ronnie said of course he is. Howard asked if Gary will keep this on the mantle now that he knows what Ronnie had to say. Gary said he thinks he'll be okay but it is a weird thing.
Howard played the final clip where Ronnie talked about how this woman had great eyes and he would have loved to have done her. He said this is the girl who you have to date for a while. He said she'd be good wife material and she'd give good blow jobs. He said just look at her. He said she's stare at you with those eyes. He said he's give her a 9 on a scale of 10.
Howard said that's the highest rating. He said this is Mike Fox's mom. Howard said Mike has had his issues with Ronnie. He said they don't like each other. He said then to hear Ronnie talking about her that way. He asked if he's proud. Mike said he was thinking it was nice stuff at the start. He said then he went not the sex stuff. He said he was talking about the blow job lips and all of that. Ronnie said he'd do it all and then he'd fuck the shit out of her. Howard asked Ronnie if he would cum in her mouth while she stared at him. Ronnie said oh yeah. Ronnie Puppet was throwing in some lines about that too. He told Mike to put on a wig and come to dinner with him. Robin said that's the only mom he was going to take to dinner and wine and dine. Mike said Ronnie said 4 of the 7 moms would eat ass. He said it's good that he didn't say that. Mike said he had one picture of his mom at 16 and he's glad he didn't talk about that one. Ronnie puppet said that he'd like to see her at 9.
Howard went over the scores with the moms and said he's glad that he never met any of these moms back in the day. He said Jon's mom got a score of 5. He asked if he's okay with that. Blitt said he's fine with it. He said he's still offering her to Ronnie. He asked him to keep it in mind. Howard asked Ronnie about Mike's mom and if it changes his opinion of Mike at all. Ronnie said no. He said his mom looks so hot and sweet but Mike is so ''blech.''
Howard said he thought he had this figured out. He said he thought Mike and Ronnie would bond over this. He said it's not working that way. Ronnie said he's been civil with this dude. He said he talks to him. He said he's trying. Mike said he doesn't have to try. He said he's just himself.
Howard said that there are other guys who don't get along. He said Mike and Blitt don't get along. He asked if Mike is happy his mom won. Mike said he was glad that he got to be a part of this. He said he doesn't think that Blitt is funny. He said that he doesn't get along with him. He said this bit was funny on its own and Blitt was trying to hard. Howard said it's clear that they have issues. He said Jon isn't serious about the mom thing. Jon said he actually is. He said she's game and ready to go. He said he talked to her about it. Mike said his whole life is about sucking up and he's a fake person.
Howard said he wasn't aware of this rivalry. Blitt said he has no idea what this is about. He said Mike is a funny guy and he's a great musician. Mike said Jon once said that no one there likes him. Jon said he thinks he's really funny and a funny writer. He said he really doesn't have a problem with him. He said he's a great rapper too. Mike said it's always shtick with him.
Howard said this was all very enlightening. He said that they had one staffer who was so freaked out by what Ronnie had to say that he took his mom out of it. He asked if that person wants to talk about that or not. He said you can come forward if you want to. The person didn't come forward. Howard said he must have been brutal with his mother. Ronnie didn't know who it was. Howard said this shook the person.
Jason said it's rare for someone to pull out of something like this on the show. Gary said he's getting a note that the person might be coming on. Howard said this is the staffer he shook. Ronnie said he didn't know and he gave his personal opinion. He said he doesn't remember who it was.
The staffer was Mike Pearlman. Mike said he took it off because he went into this whole thing about how she looks like a lesbian. He said his mother is really feminine. He said he felt kind of bad about it. Ronnie said this guy likes to pull pranks but he pulled out of it. Mike said he really didn't give a fuck but that lesbian thing was the reason he pulled out.
Howard had Ronnie's mom knock on the door. She came in and yelled out a long ''cunt'' for them. She said she had to get that out. She said Ronnie is a good looking guy. She said he's so handsome today. Howard said they love when she comes on the air. He asked her to talk about him in a loving way. Ronnie's mom said that he used to suck on his binkie with his asshole lips. She said Ronnie put the ass in pacifier. she said his first word was mommy and his next six words were ''shove that rattle up my ass.''
Howard asked what the secret is with Ronnie. He asked Ronnie's mom what he was like as a kid. She said she breast fed him until he was 9. She said look how smart he turned out from all of that tit milk. Ronnie said he likes her new glasses. Ronnie's mom said the other ones kept falling off. She said that Ronnie got kicked out of little league because he kept shoving the bat up his ass.
Ronnie's mom said she is the best mother of them all. She said you have to look at her pussy. She said she'll show it right now. She showed something that everyone was reacting to. She said that she'll show her whole fucking thing. She said she'll show her legs too.
Howard asked if she knew that Ronnie was looking under the door at her and her husband. Ronnie's mom said she knew. she said that Ronnie watched when they had strangers over. She said it's natural to do that. she said sex is natural. She said they were nudists.
Howard said he sees where Ronnie gets his sexuality from. He said he's sorry that Mike had to pull out. He asked if he can play the clip. Mike said at this point he's fine with it. Howard played the clip and Ronnie said she looks very muscular and she has small boobs. He said she looks like she may have had fun with a girl. He said that she may not be fun in bed. He said she looks like she'd just want to get it over with and move on. He gave her a 5. Ronnie said he was just honest. He said it wasn't so terrible. He said he as basically describing Mike. Blitt said maybe they can have a threesome with his mom and Mike's mom with Ronnie.
Howard said Ronnie was a little bit harsh. Mike said he was okay with it but then he kind of pulled back at the last minute. Howard said he'd be proud of that evaluation if he were her.
Howard said that Ronnie thinks Mike is the most attractive guy on the staff. He said they found out about that when he was hypnotized.
Howard asked Ronnie's mom about all of this. Ronnie's mom was talking about all kinds of sex stuff just like Ronnie does. Howard said he can see where Ronnie gets his sexual libido from. Ronnie's mom said you get hornier as you get older. She said Ronnie must get that from her. She said she has a 90 year old guy she's with and he leaves his teeth in her ass. She said she went to take a shit and she heard a clank in the bowl and it was his teeth.
Howard said that the creepy apple doesn't fall far from the tree. He said he wishes that she drove him in the car sometimes. Ronnie's mom said she'll drive him over to the orgy they're going to have.
Howard said his was very fascinating to listen to. He said that they learned a lot about Ronnie and his mom. Ronnie's mom was repeating herself so Howard said she might want to get checked for Alzheimer's. She told Howard that this 90 year old guy's load was so old that she had to chew it before it went down. She said these old guys have sticky loads. She said she eats it anyway but you have to chew it.
Howard said he knows there are some hard feelings between Ronnie and Mike Pearlman. He said this is a clip of Ronnie talking about Mike and how bad he wanted to fuck him. That's from when Ronnie was hypnotized to think he was a woman.
Howard said it's lovely to hear that he wants to fuck so badly when he's a woman. Ronnie's mom said he's secure with his masculinity. She said he doesn't care who's giving it to him when he's getting it up his ass.
Howard answered another knock at the door and it was Mrs. Pearlman. One of the guys was doing an impression of Mike and they sounded very much alike. Howard was cracking up.
Howard spent a little time talking to Mike about his work out routine. Mrs. Pearlman was saying she does the same thing.
Howard asked Mike if he takes any supplements to bulk up. Mike said nothing other than what you get at GNC. Howard asked Mrs. Pearlman about that and she was talking about beating the shit out of the kindergarten kids for Mike.
Howard asked Mrs. Pearlman more questions about Mike and got some funny answers out of her. Howard said this was very interesting. He said they learned a lot today. Ronnie's mom showed her pussy again to the guys after Ronnie asked her to. He said he's glad she started shaving. He said her pussy used to be so hairy.
Howard said what a home run this was. He said this about wraps it up. He played a theme song for the game. Howard said happy mother's day.
Howard let everyone go and thanked everyone for participating. Ronnie's mom yelled out another long ''cunt'' for them. Howard asked what else she likes to yell out. She yelled out cunt again. Ronnie asked if she's in the bathroom. Ronnie's mom said she is. She said it's the best room in the house. Howard had her yell out a ''Sixty nine'' for them. She did that too. She said that Ronnie used to watch them do it and that's how he learned. She said that he has good technique. Howard thanked her for coming in today. She was still telling stories about him and asking to show her clam again. She showed it one more time. Howard let out a groan and thanked her for that again. She said she's 92 years old now. Howard let her go and did a live commercial read. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he likes this song. He let it play a little longer.
Howard said he was reading about this music contest called Eurovision. He said it starts tonight. He said Americans don't care about it apparently. He said this is where every country in Europe submits one song to try to win this contest. He said America doesn't participate. Robin said we are starting on here. Howard said Latvia entered the contest this year with a song called ''Eat your Salad.'' He said it's a big song over there. He said this is the big song in Latvia. Howard played the song and said it's about how people will want to fuck you if you're eco-friendly. He said Greta Thunberg's mom had a song called La Voir a few years back. Howard played some of that and said that it shows how shitty music is out there. He said the bar is pretty low on that contest. He played a Beetlejuice song and said he should enter that in the contest. They had Beetlejuice singing about how much he loves to fuck all day.
Howard said he thinks that's actually a good song. He said it's better than ''Eat Your Salad.''
Howard said there's this story about a guy whose penis fell off years ago. He said they say it fell off in his toilet after he had some blood flow issues. He said they grew this guy's penis on his arm and it took 6 years for them to get it back on his groin. He said the guy's cock is huge. He said that they did the surgery that lasted 9 hours. He said they had to sew the penis back into the penis area. He said he's able to get an erection with a penis pump now. He said at least he has something to work with.
Howard said he was fascinated to read that they had scheduling mix ups that made this thing last 6 years. He said he would have been livid. He said he would have demanded that the put on a mask and get it done. Robin said it wasn't just during COVID though.
Howard said this guy's name was Malcolm. He said they were able to add 2 inches to his cock so it's a full 6 inches now. Howard said that penis is impressive. He said it's big. He said he would have made it 10 inches though. He said the funny thing is that he had forgotten about the story and then Kate Beckinsale put out a statement about this guy. She was looking for news that wouldn't make her want to jump out a window. He said she thought it was a good story and now the guy is putting it out there that he's available if she wants to fuck. Robin said that's what guys are like. She said they think that they don't have to do anything to get her if she found the story interesting. Howard said the guy didn't say he wants to fuck her but he did say he wants to take her out to dinner. Robin said that he thinks he can get her to the pub right after hearing she thought the story was inspiring. She said a woman needs to have some romance. Howard said especially Kate Beckinsale. Robin said every woman is like that. She said don't assume that you don't have to do some work.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this Eurovision thing is all amateurs. He said that they're not professionals. Howard said they get huge numbers for this Eurovision thing. He said they get bigger numbers than the do with the Super Bowl here. The caller said that everyone over there watches.
Gary said he thinks that they had 112 million watching the Super Bowl. He said they get 183 million watching Eurovision.
Howard said he has a phony phone call with Tan Mom and Britney Spears. He gave some details about Tan Mom and how she became a pop star herself. Howard played her song ''Free to be Me.'' He said they had a Britney impersonator call Tan Mom to talk about doing a song together.
Howard played the call and Tan Mom immediately believed it was really Britney Spears calling her. It didn't sound like Britney but Tan Mom went with it. Fake Britney asked her to do a song with her. She said she wants to brain storm with her. Britney started to sing a song and Tan Mom started to improvise with her. she didn't like some of what Britney was singing. Britney said something about her putting her baby in a tanning bed and that upset Tan Mom. She ended up yelling at her. She said she's the best mom in the world and Britney isn't. Tan Mom ended up hanging up on Britney.
Howard said he asked Sal if she thinks that's the real Britney. Sal said absolutely. He said he told her once that he was Ray Liota and she believed it. Howard asked what that is. He said she's amazing. Howard said Robin must be impressed with the process they had making that song. Robin said it was impressive.
Howard sneezed and said he loves that feeling. He said it's almost like an orgasm. He said it's a release. Sal said he loves farting too. Howard said that means he's bloated or over ate.
Howard said he follows Britney on social media and she's always showing herself almost nude or nude a lot. He said that she's dancing in some of the posts too. He said he hasn't seen her recently so he's not sure what's going on with her pregnancy.
Howard said that call may have come to an early end but they took every bit they had and turned it into a pop song. He played the song where they had fake Britney and Tan Mom singing together.
Howard said that's how you turn a negative into a positive. He said he was told it's number 1 in Latvia. He said that didn't take long.
Howard said the world would be so much better if everyone spoke in English. He said he heard a guy talking the other day and he heard him rambling in some other language. He said the other guy was doing the same thing on the other end. He said it's so annoying when someone doesn't speak English but what are you going to do.
Howard wrapped up the show after that. They were done around 10:05am.
Howard started the show talking about how he has to wake up. He said he doesn't drink coffee anymore. He said he went to bed early and got up on time but he feels he missed out on some sleep. He said he wants to go back to bed but he'll go on with the show. He said he has to do it. He said it's a special show today. He said they have Billy Corgan and Perry Farrell on the show. He said he likes Perry's wife Etty. He said he wants to wake up for those guys. He said by then maybe he'll be awake.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was their show announcer saying that he has to get loud like he said he should. Howard closed the door on him. He said he thinks he's so cool with that deep voice.
Howard took a call from a guy, George, calling in from Alaska. George said he's a former DJ but now he's a dish washer. He said that's the opposite of Howard's trajectory. Howard said he's right about that. He said that his story is the real story of radio. He said most guys who got into radio ended up in a shitty financial situation and it's a rough business.
George said he felt like he had to call in about yesterday's discussion about the business. He said he got his degree in college and started in college radio. He said he tried to do everything he could by not studying. He said he did all kinds of shows. He said he did some local radio too. Howard cut him off saying this is a little bit boring. He said his initial point was a good one. He said you don't have a backup plan and you end up washing dishes. He said Bubba the Love Sponge is driving for DoorDash now. He said that he's one of the best guys at driving for them. He said he drives like a race car driver.
Howard asked how the pay is out there washing dishes. George said he makes more washing dishes. He said the pay at the radio station wasn't very good at all. He said a week he was bringing home maybe $400. He said washing dishes he's making about 200 but that's part time. He said he'd make more doing it full time. He said Howard did it and he knows what it's like. He said you feel good at the end of the day after doing that job.
Howard said he could have done that job and been good at it. He said it's way more useful to society doing that job too. George said he got to do his own morning show and he crossed that off his bucket list. He said now he has to do real jobs.
Howard said there were no ratings in dish washing. He said he loved the ratings coming out. He said there were times when he was number 1 but he'd be depressed all day. He said if the ratings went down from a 9 to a 8.9 he'd walk around wondering why he went down. He said it's statistically the same but it made him mental.
George said he was never at his level with the ratings. He said the show he was doing was good with women but they pulled him aside saying that women are dangerous to the station so he thought that was disgusting. Howard said he got a similar speech. He said they told him it makes him sound gay if he takes calls from women. He said he's a dude and he'd rather talk to women than men. He said it's crazy theories that the program directors have.
Howard took a call from fake Bubba the Love Sponge who was asking George to find him a job washing dishes. He said Howard knows how tough that is doing radio. He was asking George to find his whole crew jobs.
Howard said Richard Christy said that he applied for a dish washing job and he was turned down. Howard asked how much of a degenerate do you have to be to be turned down. Richard said he thinks he scared them. He said he had long hair and an Obituary shirt at the time. He said he had no references so he had his grandparents do that for him. Howard said the place Richard applied to made the right decision. He said he does smell and doesn't wash his body so how is he going to do the job right. Richard said he was living in a guy's laundry room at the time. He said he wouldn't let him use his shower so he had to go somewhere else to take a shower so it was a pain in the ass for him.
Howard said you know you're a loser if you can't get a dish washing job. He said he didn't even ask for references when he hired him. He said he didn't meet him ahead of time either. Richard said he saved him. Howard said if he had known he brushed his teeth with a towel he may not have hired him.
Howard said he would like to watch the untold story of Richard Christy in a movie.
George told Howard if you're looking for a job try to find one washing dishes because they're looking for them all over the place. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard had fake Jennifer Witz on the phone saying she wants to offer this guy a job. She said ''Psych!'' to that offer.
Howard said he was blaming the cruise ships being in town for the bad connection. He said he's in a trailer park and he's blaming the cruise ships for the connection. He said he doesn't even question it anymore when he hears stuff like that. He said he just hangs up.
Howard said how about this rule on the show. He said if your phone is affected by cruise ships then don't call the show.
Howard said he's not sure why a cruise ship would affect the phone. He said he's never heard such a thing. He did more of his impression of Hillbilly talking about that.
Howard said maybe the guy was a mush mouth. He said maybe it's not the cruise ships being in town. He said he's not sure how he'd even know they're in town. He did more of his impression of the guy and went on and on goofing on the guy's phone connecting.
Howard said he's sorry to hear all of that. He said how about blaming the trailer park people for flushing their toilets and ruining the phone connection. He said how about a Shamen put a curse on his phone. He had the guy blaming his phone connection on a jet ski rider splashing his phone. He had him blaming all kinds of things for his problems.
Howard had Hillbilly back on the line and asked why he thinks it's the cruise ships. Hillbilly said there are hundreds of people who go through there and you have to think that they're taking up the phone lines so it's ruining the connections. Howard asked why this connection is better now. Hillbilly said it must be priority.
Howard said he's not sure it's the cruise ships. He said he's never heard someone blame that on a bad connection. Howard did more of his impression of Hillbilly talking about that stuff and blaming all kinds of things for his bad connection. He had him blaming the shrimp at a buffet for the signal.
Howard said the ship must be around again because his connection got bad again. Fred was playing a ship horn as Howard was talking about that. Hillbilly said they have 4 or 5 of these ships in port today. He said there are thousands of people there when that happens. Howard was still doing his impression of Hillbilly blaming all of this stuff for the connection.
Robin asked how many people it takes to interrupt the connection. Howard said it must be 3 people. He said you forget the barnacles that are all over the phone lines of the ship. Howard had Hillbilly having a ship run right through his house.
Howard asked Hillbilly what he had to say. Hillbilly said he was talking about the trailer park thing and how weird things get in there. He said it's wild down there. Howard said it sounds like you're going to see all kinds of things there. He said people die in their trailers and they melt not their floor. He said he didn't know that. He thanked Hillbilly for calling with a clear connection.
Howard told Hillbilly to be careful down there. He said they learned that it can affect your phone when you live near a cruise ship. Howard let Hillbilly go and did more of his impression of his bad connection thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he goes on cruise ships many times and he's never had an issue with his phone connection. He said they're not even in port this early in the morning usually. Howard said he's not sure what's going on. He did more of his Hillbilly impression blaming all kinds of weird things on the bad connection.
Howard said he thinks Hillbilly was saying it's not easy living in a trailer park.
Howard did his Vin Diesel impression and had him talking about what they wanted to do with driving cars. He said it's a stupid race car movie. Robin said The Rock can't stand Vin Diesel. Howard said The Rock is a bone head. He said he's met the guy and he's a lovely man but he's a big dummy. Robin said he's made lots of money doing those movies he does. Howard said that's because his big dummy followers pay for it.
Howard said he tried to watch one of the fast and Furious movies. He said it was like Point Break with cars. He said there was one that had the cars tied up to rocket ships or something.
Howard asked Ronnie what was going on there. Ronnie said he didn't see all of them. He said he only saw the first few. He said he didn't see the space one Howard was talking about. Howard said even Ronnie doesn't like these movies. Ronnie said they have cars and hot chicks but there's only so much you can take. He said as it went on he didn't stick with it. He said he's going to check out the F9 one that's on HBOMax now.
Howard said The Rock posted something about someone he worked with and said that some people act like stand up men and some aren't and they're candy asses. He was talking about the F8 movie. He said that he never bad mouths anyone but this time he did.
Howard asked Jason if he likes these movies. Jason said he loves them. He said there was a movie where they were trying to fix a satellite and they shot a car with rockets into space to do this thing. He said it was ridiculous. Howard asked why he had to go into space in the car. Jason said he doesn't remember the details.
Jason said here was a scene in the sixth movie and the cars had grappling hooks and they yank a plane out of the sky. He said it was insane and he loved it.
Howard said it's amazing that Ludacris had to be in space in his car. Robin said it's almost like a Three Stooges movie. Howard said even Star Wars has some logic to it. He said it makes more sense than a guy going into space in his car.
Jason said there's another one where they drive through buildings and fly across to other buildings in Dubai. He said it's just crazy stuff like that.
Howard said one of the guys told him they were wearing Scuba outfits to go into space and they rolled up the windows.
Gary asked how the cars get into the 100th floor of these buildings. Jason explained how the cars are in an elevator to the penthouse and that's where the action takes place.
Howard said he has a picture of the Fast team taking on a submarine. He said it's in ice and they're chasing it. Howard said in F9 they're in space.
Robin said they have to get third director on the phone to ask what this was about. Howard said he has some of that for her. Howard said a few days before Justin quit Vin posted a video of them on set. Howard said this is the audio. He played the clip and Vin was talking to Justin about working there on the set. Howard said you can tell he wants out.
Howard said in Fast and Furious 10 Vin wanted two cars to fuck and have a baby car. He said Justin was against it.
Howard said Justin Lin said his life is too short and he can't sit there and ruin his life with this Vin Diesel character. Robins said that he could have toughed it out.
Howard said Vin wanted his car to fight Godzilla and Mothra. He said that makes about as much sense as flying a car into space. Howard said they want to do a back story where Vin is a little boy and his bicycle transitions into a car.
Howard said he was thinking of writing one of these movies for them there. He said they could make so much money doing that. He said in his movie they're really into cars and Robin is practically naked the whole time. He said she's running around and she cums in her pants when she sees his car. He said they'll have to come up with a cool car. He said you'll see Robin's lips in her panties because they're so tight. He said in their movie their cars drive fast enough to make the earth go backwards and they can fight the Nazis with their modern cars. Howard asked what she thinks about that. Robin said she's on board so far.
Howard said if that works they can do another one where his car falls in love with Robin's car. He said her car is a hooker like in Pretty Woman so they fall in love. He said that would be pretty good. He said either that or they go back in time and meet Jesus who has his own car from the future. He said maybe people think he's Jesus because he's in his car. Robin said they're gods in the past. Howard said he would have Spider-Man show up in his movie too. He said he'll have to work with Marvel on that.
Howard said he has a million ideas for Fast and Furious movies. He said if you want them just contact him.
Howard pretended to talk to Vin Diesel about the movie ideas. He pitched the stuff doing his voice and Vin's voice. Howard told him that Godzilla fucks his car and the car gives birth to a car that's across between a car and Godzilla. He said then it becomes like Brundle Fly in The Fly. He said they could have the cars fight Freddy and Jason in the horror movies. Howard had Vin losing his connection because a cruise ship was going by.
Howard said that's what's gong on with Fast and Furious. Howard said this director left after having enough of Vin Diesel. He said that Justin has directed 5 of the films. He said that they have made billions with these movies. He said they base these movies on the drivers being family. He said that must not be the case. He played a clip of Vin mumbling through his lines in one of the movies. He was talking about family and how you have to hold on to that. Howard said he sounds like Hillbilly from the trailer park. Howard did his impression of Vin mumbling. He said he has no idea what he fuck he just said. He said who cares what he says. He said these things make money.
Howard said he did one movie and that was a family but he can imagine if he's doing Private Parts 10 where he's doing radio from the moon he might not be getting along with everyone. Howard said he doesn't get how you fight with The Rock. He said he's a bone head. He said that guy doesn't care about anything. He said he just wants Creatine or whatever he eats. Robin said they're both bone heads so of course they have issues.
Howard said that's some monologue Vin had. He went through that clip again and tried to figure out what he was talking about. Howard said Kirk Douglas made more sense at the end. He did his impression of Kirk mumbling his lines.
Howard did his impression of Vin from the movie and then doing impressions of people who can't speak clearly.
Howard said he has the writer of Fast and Furious on the phone. He took the call and the guys were playing Beetlejuice clips where he was rambling nonsense. Howard talked to Beet for a minute about the movies.
Howard said sometimes you read about these successful things and people lose their minds. He said he'd love to interview The Rock and Vin together. He said he'd ask what these two morons are thinking arguing over these dopey movies. He said they must have 5 lines total in the movies. He said they don't have to do that much. He said The Rock can't even understand what Vin is saying. He said just say yes.
Howard said the guys wrote down one of Vin's early lines from one of the movies. He read it as Vin. Howard said he hopes things work out for them. He said he knows Ronnie is looking forward to another one.
Howard said he's not going out. He said he does miss going out to dinner. He said he misses that and hanging out with people. He said there's a pandemic going on so he's not going out.
Robin said that Howard must still be using Peloton like there's a pandemic going on. Howard said he is. He said he used it last night. He said he gained a pound after doing it yesterday though. He said Peloton stock went from like $129 to $19. He said that's wild. Robin said they did grow a lot and then people started going out again. She said that Cameo must have done the same thing.
Howard said Cameo did a novel thing. He said when they fired those people the hired High Pitch Erik to fire them with a Cameo. He played the fake Cameo they made with Erik where he fired the staff.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and talked about how this song came about. He explained how David was hanging out with Queen and they came up with this.
Howard said he thinks there should be a lot of collaborations like that. He said it's great. He said it was rare that David Bowie would write with Queen. He said they typically write alone.
Howard said two minutes ago he was staring at his penis trying to pull a hair off the head. He said it was stuck on there and he was pulling on it. He said he was admiring his penis head. He said it's actually ugly but it has a nice purple glow to it. He said he never noticed that before.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to call in about The Rock. He said they seem to bash on the guy a lot. Howard said he's not bashing on the guy. He said he's had him on the show, many years ago, but he'd just say to him that he must have rocks in the head for walking away from this movie franchise. He said he can imagine someone like Robert De Niro or Al Pacino or Robert Duvall wondering what this guy is thinking walking away from it. He said The Rock can buy and sell them. He said he's not sure what they're fighting about. He said people love the franchise.
Howard made up what it might sound like if The Rock and Vin had a conversation. He had them talking about working out and sounding like big dummies.
Howard said that should be the level of conversation. He said he wishes that someone in Hollywood would tell Rock and Vin to go do the Howard Stern Show because he's going to find out why the can't get along. The caller said he thinks that The Rock would be a great guest to have on again. Howard said he would love it but he would start off asking about not getting along with Vin. He said he wants to know if he's that big an asshole. He said if they walked in he would have the cast of The Godfather in there too. He said he'd have them all in there to talk to The Rock and Vin. He said he'd have them tell the Godfather cast what they're worth. He said De Niro would be shocked and he'd say that he doesn't have enough to pay his ex-wife.
The caller said that he has to respect that The Rock did with his career. Howard said of course he does. He said he just wants to know what the big problem is with him and Vin.
Howard made up what the conversation would sound like with Robert Duvall. Howard had him saying that he isn't worth as much as The Rock and he lives in a trailer park near a cruise ship.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Michael Caine who said you never turn down work. He said stop being a cunt and get to work. Howard said that's right. Michael said he's been in 750 films and he picks them out by location. Howard said he you can make a lot of money if you just go out and work. He thanked him for the information. He said he must be busy working on some movie. Michael said he would fight that Chucky doll if it was in a warm climate.
Howard asked Michael to tell them about working with the Muppets and how you do that. Michael rambled on about that for a few seconds. Howard thanked him for coming and let him go. He let the caller go too.
Howard had some comments from some of the mothers who were rated too. Sal said that his mother was really upset. He said she was disgusted by what he said about her. Howard played a clip of Sal's mom talking about what a disgusting person Ronnie is. Sal said he's sure his dad wouldn't have been happy about them either but he was out playing the lotto so he didn't hear it.
Howard asked Will about his mother and what she had to say about it. Will said she was put off a bit. He said nothing shocks her but being sexualized made her very uncomfortable. He said it was very disturbing to her. Howard had some audio of Will's mom's reaction. In the clip Will's mom said she feared she'd be a great disappointment to Ronnie based on what he said.
Howard said Wolfie's mom got a 7 and she gave Ronnie a taste of his own medicine. He said that she evaluated a picture of Ronnie. Wolfie said she was so pissed off about this. He said this did not go over well at all. He said that she wanted to know what he looks like so he sent her a picture. Howard played a clip of her talking about how she has no interest in that old man. She said he looks like he's about 78 or 79 years old so she has no interest in him. She said his tattoos aren't good either. She said they're just big blobs. She rated him at a 3 on a scale of 10. Howard said he's no Johnny Depp.
Howard asked what it was that set her off about Ronnie. Wolfie said it was about her saying she looks like she would take it in the ass. She went off on him calling him a pedophiles and things like that. Howard said what are you going to do. Ronnie said he had no idea it was Wolfie's mom so whatever.
Howard said Mike Pearlman's mom is one of he best looking moms out there. Sal said he agrees. He said that she's hot. Howard said she's like a MILF. He said that Ronnie gave her a bad evaluating. Mike said that he's glad that he wouldn't want to be around his mother. He said she kind of had the same reaction to it. He said she didn't think she looked muscular like Ronnie said. Ronnie said he's not even sure what she looked like. He said he doesn't have the pictures now. Howard had it so he showed it to him.
Howard played some audio of Mrs. Pearlman talking about what Ronnie said about her. She said she didn't think she looked muscular but she was thin. She said that was from a while ago.
Howard said Jon Blitt's mom got a 5 and Ronnie said she'd be a cold fish in bed. He said Jon said she wants to fuck Ronnie to prove she's not. He said he has some audio of Michelle Blitt talking about how she wants to fuck Ronnie. Howard played the clip and Michelle said she would have sex with Ronnie to prove that she's a 10. Howard asked how his dad is with this. Blitt said that his mom is single and ready to fuck Ronnie. He said his parents are separated so she's ready to go.
Howard said Jason's mom was flattered by the 7 he gave her. Jason said he thinks she enjoyed hearing someone talk about her in a sexual way. Jason said the big thing was the dick sucking lips. He said that his mom told him the history of their lips and where they get them from. He said he didn't want to hear that.
Howard played some audio of Jason's mom talking about the score she got and how happy she was with that. She said it's fine. She said she thinks Ronnie is fun and sexy too.
Howard said it must make Ronnie feel good to hear that. Ronnie said sure. Fred had Ronnie Puppet saying some rude things about that.
Howard said Mike Fox's mom got a 9 out of 10. He asked what it is about wanting Ronnie to find your mom hot. Gary said it is competitive. He said it would be the worst to hear that she's ugly or that she fucked everyone at the school. He said he had a weird thing last night. He said his son Jackson is home and they sat down to have dinner. He said he explained the bit and he told them that grandma was an 8. He said he told them what Ronnie had said about some of the other moms and his wife looked so disgusted that he just shut down the conversation.
Howard said Mike's mom got the 9 so did that give him some pride. Mike said that it wasn't a compliment at all. He said he was thinking about how disgusting the whole thing was. Howard said Ronnie is like Hugh Hefner. He said he's gross but you want his approval.
Howard said Mike's mom liked the comments Ronnie gave. Howard played her reaction to Ronnie's comments. She said she was complimented in a way. She said she was that way back then. She said that Ronnie is cool. She said she won't call Ronnie though because men call her. Mike said she does like Jewish men and Ronnie has that.
Howard said what a tribute to the moms. Fred was doing the Ronnie Puppet thing and saying more stuff about the moms. Howard said Ronnie is available for fucking and he's able to do it. Howard thanked the guys for that and said thank their moms for him too.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she just started listening to the show about a month ago. She said that she has been a fan since. She said that she had a friend who had a car accident when a tractor trailer hit her car. She said she was a huge fan of Sheryl Crow's. She said all of her friends met with Sheryl and she just seems like an awesome human being. Howard thanked her for the call but she bummed him out with the story about her friend dying. He said that poor friend. He thanked her for being a fan though.
Howard said check out Howard 101 to catch up on the history of the show. The caller said that her favorite interview was Molly Shannon. She said she likes his impersonation of his parents at dinner too. Howard said he's so glad his pain brings her happiness. He said he hopes she's okay after her radiation treatments.
Howard said he has to take a break and then he'll have Billy Corgan and Perry Farrell in. He said he's a big fan of both of them. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he loves this song. He said he thinks this is from Houses of the Holy. He said he had this album on vinyl. He said it's gone now but he had it. He said he has zero pieces of vinyl now. He said he's proud to say that. Howard gave some trivia about the song and how the song came to be.
Howard said he bets that Billy and Perry like Led Zeppelin. He said he has Billy Corgan and Perry Farrell there. He said they're a handsome couple. Robin said she can see them. Perry said today's word is ''Unity.'' Howard said look at them together. He said it's two of his favorite dudes. He said he was just playing Zeppelin. Perry said they heard it. He asked what's up with him not being into vinyl. Perry said he doesn't eat without a record playing. Howard asked Billy if he's into it too. Billy said he has 4,000 pieces. Howard said he was a radio DJ for so many years and records were such pressure to play. He said he had nightmares that he'd have dead air. He said it's too much for him.
Perry said it's like having a bad marriage and it gave him nightmares. Billy said it's like vinyl PTSD. Perry said he had a huge collection of vinyl and then he sold it for dope. Howard said that's upsetting.
Howard said that Perry must know that Billy worked at a used record store when he was a kid. Billy said he did and the guy he worked for was an alleged pedophile. He said he wasn't his type though. Perry asked if that hurt his feelings. Billy said he realized what his type was when he would bring in young boys to work on the weekends.
Howard said they have an announcement to make and he's not sure if they should do it now or later. He said he will draw parallels to the two of them. He asked if they are good friends. Billy and Perry said yes. Billy said they've had dinner at their houses together. He said their spouses are close too. Perry said they're two Asian chicks. Billy said his wife is Chinese and Jewish. He said a friend asked if he built her in a test tube.
Howard said he has never met Billy's wife but he has met Etty. Howard said she's amazing. He said the last time he saw Perry was in 2017. He said Perry came in with Etty and she was so good looking that he couldn't pay attention to Perry.
Howard said he thinks they should make this announcement now. He said he's going to talk about how karma works. He said that he was talking about Queen and David Bowie earlier. He said he thinks that they should do something similar together. He said they should collaborate. He asked why they don't do that. Perry said it's because they're selfish bastards. He said the hip hop dudes always collaborate.
Howard asked if Perry is saying that if you have a riff in your head you don't want to give it to someone else. Perry said yes. Billy said the country people and hip hop people get it right. He said they grew up thinking it had to be about ''you'' and they look at it now and see that it warps your brain. He said now they can look at it and do things together.
Howard said as you get older you get more secure and successful. He said that Billy worked with Courtney Love on her Hole album and those songs are so great. He said he was listening to the song Malibu and Billy basically wrote all of that for Courtney. He said he can hear Billy doing Malibu and doing it better than her. Billy said she asked for a Fleetwood Mac song and that's what he wrote for her. Howard asked if he has performed that song. Billy said he has with the Pumpkins. He said he wouldn't have written that song without her. He said she does add things that are magical. He said it is a collaboration. Howard played some of the song.
Howard said he can hear Billy all over that song. He asked Billy to write him a Fleetwood Mac song. He said it's the point he's making about seeing these two guys writing something together. Billy said they have a long history of the two bands doing things together. He said in 1988 they played together for the first time. He said they have had a back and forth all these years. He said it's beautiful.
Howard said in 1988 they opened for Jane's Addiction. Howard said Perry and his band were good to them. He said sometimes you get shit on as the opening act. Billy said he has a story to tell about that. Howard had him tell it. Billy said there was another band that was going to open but they were booted from the bill for some kind of sexual misconduct. He said they went to this club that they were supposed to play at and the club owner wanted them to still play. He said they were able to open for Jane's but they had to play the other show. He said they weren't sure if Perry was going to make it to the show though. He said as they were loading out their equipment Perry wobbled into the club. Howard asked if he was on drugs back then. Perry said he was. Howard asked if he wishes he was sober back then or was that part of the scene. Perry said it was part of it. He said overcoming the obstacle is the answer. He said he has to hurdle some obstacles and if you get to the other side you can make things better in the world. He said that's how he looks at it.
Howard talked about the tough childhoods they both had and how they must talk about that stuff when they get together. He said they had some really bad shit happen. He said he talks about his own childhood but it's nothing compared to what they've had. Howard said what they went through was the ultimate pain. He said Billy lost his mom very early. Billy said that's where you come from so it is tough. Howard asked if the talk about that together. Billy said he doesn't think they have. Perry said he doesn't bring up stuff that might hurt you real bad. He said he doesn't ask about that unless he's ready to talk about it. He said Howard is right though. He said people who have been really nailed in life and they can jump over that obstacle the become messengers. He said that he knows about Billy's past but he doesn't talk about it. He said he feels a kindred spirit with Billy.
Billy said he looks at Perry with real admiration and he has a life that is to be admired. He said the first time he saw him he was wobbling into a club. He said it blew his mind when he saw him play. He said it doesn't get any better. He said to break bread together and to be connected is the accomplishment. He said it's hard to quantify that. He said there's a love and respect there. He said he doesn't know Perry's version.
Howard said so may of Billy's songs deal with real depression. He said it's understandable. He said he must get those moments of sadness. Billy said it's less and less but there are times he looks out the window and says this just doesn't make sense. Perry said you see homeless camps and he starts spinning out for a moment. He said they're not homeless anymore but he feels really bad for those people. He said he drives into Hollywood and he has a nice house now.
Howard asked if Perry was homeless at times. Perry said he was. Howard asked at what age he left his house. Perry said as soon as he got out of high school he was going to leave. He said his brother and sister were kicked out at 15. He said the told him to hit it. He said his sister lived in a park. Howard asked what was wrong with his father. Perry said he was just into getting laid. Howard asked if he's still around. Perry said he's not. He said it's funny that you never know where a person is really coming from. He said that's not the real wheels going up in your mind. He said he knows his father was crushed when he ran off. He said he had a heart attack after that. He said he was missing for about 2 and a half years and someone contacted him and let him know about his dad having a triple bypass. He said he called him finally. He said he didn't have the words. He said he just wasn't capable of it. Perry said his dad was a jeweler and he hung out with wise guys and they were all hanging out together. He said the ended up screwing his dad over by running numbers out of his store and stuff. He said they took all his money. He said he was working for him and he kept telling him he had his money. He wanted that money when he graduated but then his dad said ''What money'' when he asked for it when he graduated. He said he couldn't tell him that the mob had ripped him off. He said you never know what's going on up there.
Perry said that his dad was too embarrassed to admit that he was ripped off. He said he forgives him. He said his dad was a pretty cool dude. Howard said he doesn't sound cool to him. Perry said that's all he had. Billy said your dad is your dad so you can't get another one.
Billy said his dad passed away this past Christmas. Howard said this is the same guy who kicked him out of the house at 5 years old. He said that's depressing. Billy said he and his dad found music and they have been able to process a lot of their feelings through music. He said it's so healing and it's hard to quantify but it's so healing. Billy said he gets to be inside the music with Perry when he plays with him. He said he can feel what Perry feels. He said they get to share in that.
Howard asked Billy about being homeless. Billy said he was discarded to a great grandparent's house. He said he wasn't homeless. He said that was an adventure though.
Howard said what a miracle they found music through all of that. Billy said either that or music found him.
Howard asked Perry where he lived. Perry said he lived in a car. He said he drove out to California and took a little bit of stuff with him. He said he had half a lid of weed to sell out there too.
Howard said their struggle has been so intense. He said it's through force that they were able to make it. He said Billy still practices guitar 4 hours a day. Billy said that's not true but he'll go with that. Howard said he had to struggle through every day and then his dad tells him he's lucky.
Perry said his dad died and he went home to see him before that. He said he had the opportunity to feed his dad a water sponge in his mouth when he was dying. He said they were giving him morphine to bring him to the next place. He said he was like a little baby. He said they gave him this sponge to feed him with. He said he did that but then his dad passed and he took his morphine. Howard said it can dull your pain. Perry said for a time it can.
Howard asked if he should make this announcement. Billy said Howard is the pro here so he should do it. Howard said he'll do it in his deep voice.
Howard said the Smashing Pumpkins and Jane's Addiction will be on tour on the Spirits On Fire tour in October and November. He said this will be beautiful. He said the pre-sale tickets are on sale later this week.
Howard said he was just listening to this song called ''Rocket'' and it makes him fucking crazy. He played some of the song.
Howard asked Perry how Duran Duran is going into the rock and roll hall of fame but Jane's Addiction and Billy Corgan aren't in there. Perry said they love Duran Duran. Howard said he does too but Billy and Perry should be in there first. Howard played some Jane's Addition and said they should be in before Duran Duran.
Howard said it makes sense that they're on tour together. He said they should both be in the hall of fame and they're not. He said maybe they pissed off Jann Wenner. Perry said they're rock and roll outlaws. Billy said it is tough to imagine anyone outside the business. He said everyone assumes everyone else is on that little piece of land that they claim.
Howard said he thinks about both of them and how they really turned off to what was happening in music at the time. He said he and Billy talked about the 90s and what a renaissance it was. He said it was one of the best eras of music. He said if you think about that era it was so dynamic and so great. He said they were both at the forefront. He said they hated the glam bands. He said that bands like Poison were making it seem like music was dead.
Howard asked if that's how they feel. Perry said the music is never going to die. He said they can become the messengers.
Howard asked if they worry that they might end up fighting on tour. Perry said he got into it with Billy's tour manager. He said he and Doug started wrestling and he took him down. He said he let him up and then Doug choked him. He said he's stronger than Doug though and he knows it. He said when he came up there was no Octagon. He said when you won you got their shoulder on the ground and he had gotten Doug down. He said show the footage. Billy said the footage does exist.
Howard had the guys bring Doug in. Billy said Doug is a very interesting character. Howard asked Doug about letting Perry bet the shit out of him. Perry said he never said he beat the shit out of him. He said he just beat him. Doug said he'll tell Perry he's full of shit. He said it wasn't even close. Perry said he maintains that he beat him. Perry said they got into a fight and it was because of Etty. He said they had people guarding some people back stage but they didn't know who Etty was. He said she walked into the back and this guy put his hands on her. He said she came to him and told him what went on. He said he went down there and asked who did it. He said they got into it and he saw Doug there so he asked who he was and wanted him off the grounds. He said that's how it got started.
Howard asked how long the fight went on. Doug said 30 seconds. Perry said he pinned him in 30. He said then he got choked for the next 30 seconds. He said Doug was telling him to tap out. He said he doesn't tap out so he's not sure what he's expecting. He said it's not wrestling in an Octagon. He said he almost passed out from it.
Howard said maybe they should settle things no. He said this is what he's talking about with Billy and Perry. He said something could go wrong. He asked if they have ever been out on tour and hated the other band. Billy said yes. He said he doesn't want to say who it is. He said that they tell you that this band is great and then when you walk by their dressing room they give you a look. He said then your band mates start hanging out with them. He said that's after you tell them what they're doing. He said the famous thing is that they go to the press after and tell you how shitty you were. He said then you're the bad guy.
Billy said he had bands claim that he did things to them and he never even spoke to them. He said they just want attention.
Howard said if he's on tour with a band he's going to be on his side. He said he's not going to screw him over like that. Perry said they want the limelight so they will do what they can to get it. Billy said that if he and Perry ever get into a battle Etty will be the one who settles things.
Howard asked if they're excited about this tour. He said as a non-musician the idea of starting a tour is romantic. He said it's so exciting to do all of that work. He said he can see it as being fabulous but he bets it sucks sometimes. He said there are constant fights and people grabbing at you. He asked which it is. Perry said he thinks as he's gotten older and wiser his health has improved immensely just by being there and seeing the crew and musicians. He said that it's like a lifeline to him. He said he feels like he's eternal as long as people need joy in their life. He said he aged back about 10 years just yesterday.
Billy said he's going on tour with one of the greatest bands ever. Perry said he feels the same way. Billy said to share the state with them is great but they will kick their ass if they aren't careful. He said the beautiful thing is that there's a lot of love between the two camps. He said he wants them both at their best. He said that's the way they can how their love to the audience. Perry said you need this. He said Etty says to him sometimes when he gets bummed out that he and Dave Navarro are like two roosters and there's just one hen house. He said she finds it sexy. He said there is a competition there. He said it makes the shows intense.
Howard asked Perry why he and Dave Navarro fight so much. Perry said the one fight he and Dave had was after they got off stage and it was hot. He said Dave didn't want to go back to do an encore so he took Dave down. He said he loves Dave so much now he doesn't like telling that story. Howard asked why someone in the band would do that. Perry said there's only one good reason. Howard said it must be drugs. Perry said he doesn't know.
Billy said he's been there, done that. He said he had two people in the band of 4 that were using. He said he knows what that's like. He said it's a constant state of instability. He said it makes total sense to him what Perry was saying.
Billy said they once got into a fight so bad that they left their guitars feeding back for 20 minutes. He said he wasn't going to go back on stage but the band was begging him to go back. He said the audience was cheering the whole time they were fighting back stage.
Howard said it has to be a stressful life. Perry said not at all. He said just become a musician and don't think about it. Billy said there's no school to go to for that.
Howard asked Perry how he had the good sense not to sell the name Lollapalooza. He said he kept that name. He said he knows people came to him to sell it and he didn't let it go. Perry asked how he knew that. Howard said people told him. He asked how much he was offered for the name. Perry said 1 million bucks. He said he won't sell that thing to someone when he's flat on his back. He said he told that he'd rather fucking die. Billy said that makes total sense to him. Howard said to him too. Howard said you just do it and don't think about it. He said it's your dream and you don't let it go.
Howard said when they go on tour they must have to play the hits. Howard played some of their hits and asked if they would open with this ''Stop!'' Howard said he might have to go out and see this tour. He said maybe then they open with ''Been Caught Stealing.'' Howard said Perry used to shoplift and he wrote the song because he found some of his own stuff went missing. Perry said he had stopped stealing when he got a house. He said he did go out looting during the riots in L.A. though. He said he was doing okay in Porno For Pyros but he went out looting. He said it was so exciting. He said there was fire and smoke on TV and he just had to go out there and do it. He said he went down there and he was packing so he went down and pulled out his pistol and shot it in the air. He said he went into stores. He said he went in and looted a furniture store. He said he had just gotten this house so he got some cool antiques. He asked Howard if he would do that. Howard said no way. He said he would be afraid of doing that. Howard said he's a successful musician and he's out looting. He said that Perry sounds a little crazy. Howard asked how he carried them. Perry said he had a car parked. He said he was prepared.
Howard said Billy must be dumbfounded by this. Billy said that's why there's only one Perry Farrell in the world. He said it makes sense to him so that's it. Perry said he wanted to see what it felt like so he went out and did it. Howard said most people would say away when they see it on the news. Perry said it was joyous and exciting.
Howard said when Perry got caught stealing he had stolen something called a Pensy Pinkie which was a ball that you use to bunch off a wall. Perry explained what they used them for. He said you could play baseball with your friend. He said that he wanted one. Howard said the song is about getting caught stealing one of those. Howard said he was thinking about that song ''Thrift shop'' and it's about popping tags. He asked if those guys owe him a nod for that. Perry said he thinks about that all the time. Howard said he's being facetious. He said he thinks about it all the time. Howard said he thinks it's an original song to sing about stealing. Billy said that's what he thought too.
Perry asked Billy to tell the story about the Smashing Pumpkins song where they are in the ice cream truck. Howard said those videos were brilliant. He asked what the story is. Billy said the ice cream guy came through this area every day and he had this music playing. He said he was just parked on the corner though. He said he went over to get something and the guy asked what he wanted. He said he wanted a rocket pop and the guy gave it to him for free. He said he was quitting so he was giving it all away. He said he asked for some free stuff and he gave it all away to him. Howard said it must have been the greatest day of his life. Billy said it was. He said the funny thing is that years later he got it out of his memory and the firs video for Cherub Rock he wanted to do this thing where he played an ice cream man and the record company said no way. He said they wanted him to stand in front of a brick wall and just play. He said he insisted on doing it and after that they were able to do anything they wanted.
Howard asked if he conceived of the video ideas. Billy said most of them were his ideas. He said that some of the videos were other people. He said there was an MTV guy who told him he wanted this person to do ''Tonight, Tonight'' and this guy came up with the shittiest treatment of all time. He said it was the worst thing. He said it had nothing to do with the song. He said they went back to Dayton and Farris who did it.
Howard said the video with the mud slid was wild too. Billy said they got in trouble over that one. He said the director got sued over something being stolen for that video.
Howard said Perry such a good dancer. Billy said he dances now but he's not as good as Perry. Howard said Perry used to dance professionally. Perry said he did but he got his moves from his dad. He said he used dance to project voice. He said it's a trick. He said you can get more air that way. He said if you move some and then stop you can get more air. He said your lungs are like an accordion.
Howard asked Perry about the song ''Three Days'' which is about him and two chicks. Perry said that's why he likes it. Howard asked how he negotiated that. Perry said it got better and better. He said it went from 3 to 4 to 5. Howard asked if he's had that many at once. Perry said he's included in that number too.
Howard asked if he was in a relationship with those women. Perry said he was. He said you really want to do it but not for long. He said it's like drugs. Perry said then the girls start whispering to you and then it all starts. He said it's like a rock band.
Billy said he knows one of the women who was involved at the time. He said that he asked what it was like and she said the did drugs that she didn't know existed. He said that's always stuck with him. Perry said he doesn't remember that. Howard said that must have been some scene. He asked if Etty gets upset about that song when she hears it. Perry said not that song. He said she does get jealous every day. He said he does too. He said watch your words around him when they talk. He said Etty knows he has a thing for her. Howard said he does.
Howard asked if the girls want to bring guys into the room with them. Perry said they'll ask and he says he'll try it. He said he did try it. Howard said that's why he's Perry Farrell.
Howard said the boys are going on tour together. He said they'll be playing stuff like this. He played some ''Disarm'' from Smashing Pumpkins. Howard said when he hears him sing that line ''I used to be a little boy'' it kills him. He said that he thinks about the same thing. Billy said when he released that song he got heat from his parents. He said in their minds they did love him. He said then why was he singing this song then. He said that's what he was asking. Billy said he has a 6 and 3 year old so he thinks about how they look at reality. He said that one day or week can fuck you up for life. He said it's like a form of torture.
Howard asked how they can deny how you feel. Billy said they denied how he felt from the beginning. He said that his dad said he was so quiet when he was a kid. He said he wasn't a quiet kid though. He said his dad would tell him to shut he fuck up all the time. He said he'd go out and watch his dad in the garage working on cars and he'd ask him what he was doing after 2 hours and he'd tell him to shut the fuck up. He said in his head he didn't know he was even saying that. He said before he died his dad was saying the thing that sucked about his life is that he had no memories. He said he remembers banging girls but not being there with his boys. He said in his mind he lived this other life.
Howard said he had the same kind of childhood. He said he went through similar things with his dad. He said his father was a great carpenter and he would go watch him make something and he'd tell him to get the fuck out of there. He said that it all comes through in that song. He said he can't write a hit song about it though. Perry said maybe he's just not talented. Howard said maybe that's it.
Howard played another Smashing Pumpkins song. He said that he saw that Billy got to sing ''All the Young dudes'' with David Bowie. He said it's fucking fantastic. Perry said he's never seen that. Billy said he had to stand about 5 feet back from David and it was amazing hearing him sing. He said he didn't understand why he had him stand back there but it was because he was so tall. He said he realized that years later. Howard said imagine that he was worried about that. Billy said he was very visual. He said he was very blessed to have known him. Howard said he thought they were standing there next to one another. Billy said that's what they were going for. Billy said David could have been their Frank Sinatra but he chose to be the weirdo like them. Howard said he might be a weirdo but he never went out looting during the riots. He said he's no Perry.
Howard said Perry pissed David Bowie off. Billy said he didn't even know that. Perry said back in the day he had a Blackberry cell phone and he left it in a cab on his way to the airport and the cab driver went through it and saw Bowie's name in the phone and he called him up. He said the guy kept calling David and pissed the guy off. He said David forgave him but this was at the time of the internet. He said he didn't know what a BCC copy was in an email. He said some people reached out to him to help save a lake that was being polluted by DuPont or something. He said he got excited about it and he was going to help. He said he was going to see if David wanted to do it too. He said he emailed David and he didn't realize he had forwarded this with 300 other names on the email. He said that was it. Perry said then just before David died he had put together a show and he wanted him to do it. He said he was going to make up with Dave and 2 weeks before the show David died. He said he never got the chance to make up and prove he could do something right. He said he was in love with David. Billy said David was super private too so he can imagine.
Howard asked Billy how much he got to hang out with David. Billy said he got to hang out maybe 20-25 times. He said he was hard to get to know. He said toward the end he got to know him a little bit. He said he was strangely kind of shy.
Howard asked what Billy and David talked about. Billy said they talked a lot about art. He said you don't want to come off like a fan boy so he would talk about movies, books or art. He said he'd talk to you for an hour about that stuff. He said that he got to know more about him because of that.
Howard said the big announcement today is that the bands are going out on tour together. Howard said they could talk all day about the Smashing Pumpkins or Jane's Addiction. He said that they could talk about how they were inspired by the Beatles. Howard asked if they have met any of the Beatles. Perry said Paul has played Lollapalooza. Billy said he's never met any of them. Howard said he wishes he could have interviewed John Lennon.
Howard said he had no idea how close Perry was with Taylor Hawkins. Perry said he was that guy who brought people together. He said he brought musicians together and he loved writing music and songs. He said that Taylor was a song writer. Howard said he had him on the show many times and his bond with Dave Grohl was something. Howard asked Billy if he knew him. Billy said he did a little bit. He said they're all sad to see him go. He said there are moments in time when you have to stop and think about it for a couple days. He said it affects so many people. He said not just his family and fans.
Howard asked Perry if he ever went surfing with Taylor. Perry said he did. He said that they would go on surf trips and Taylor said they were different because they surf. He said Taylor was very courageous but not a great surfer. He said he put that same courage into his music.
Howard said the guys are going to do a little bit of music. He gave them a plug for the tour they're doing later this year. Howard asked who came up with the name Spirits on Fire. Billy said he did. Howard said you can find out more about the tour at SmashingPumpkins.com/Tour
Howard said he listens to Lithium all the time there at SiriusXM. He said they play them all the time. Howard asked what they're going to do now. Perry said he's going to go first. Howard said they have a band there that's kind of a conglomeration of the two bands. Billy said they were thinking about calling them Jane's Pumpkins or Jane's a Pumpkin Now. Howard asked if Perry is going firs. Perry said he is. He'll be doing ''Jane Says.''
Howard said hi to the band and talked to Jack Bates first. He spent a few second with him and then Steven Perkins from Jane's Addiction. Howard spent a little time talking to him. Howard said hello to Jimmy from the Pumpkins and then Jeff Schroeder on guitar. He talked to them for a few seconds each.
Howard told them not to be nervous just because he's watching. He had them go into their first song. Perry and the guys performed ''Jane Says.''
After the song Howard said that looks like fun. He asked why he can't do that. Perry said Howard's gift is his gift of gab.
Howard said they should call this band Smashing Addiction. Howard said the look on Billy's face is great. He said he looks really happy playing it. Billy said he just loves the song. Howard said he can tell. He said he's projecting a lot of thoughts in his head but he thinks it's so amazing for him. Billy said he was the kid in the crowd watching them play. He said just think of all the trips they've been on over the years. He said 32 years ago they were nobody opening for Perry's band. He said if you told him 32 years later they'd be going on tour he'd think there's no way.
Howard asked Perry about the girl he wrote that song about and if he remembers writing it. Perry said she was kind of an aristocrat and she was kind of slumming it with the musicians. He said she was from Arizona and her mom had an art gallery out there. He said she taught him how to drink wine with cheese and stuff like that. Howard said he named the whole band after her. Perry said that's right. He said she was just a roommate. Howard said he named his band after her though. Perry said she was an aristocrat and they're kind of weird. Howard said he's sure he'd like to go back and name the band Etty's Addiction. Perry said he does.
Howard said now they're at the concert and Bill is going to do one of his tunes. Billy and the guys performed ''Today.''
After the song Howard said they really sound good. He said this tour is going to be great. He said that they both sound great. He said Perry had to leave to go apologize to Etty. Billy said he's coming back but he has a bruise on his cheek. He was joking.
Howard said both of them sound so good do they do anything got keep their voices in shape. Perry said he doesn't play guitar for 4 hours like Billy does but he sings every day. He said he takes his dogs for a walk for an hour and he sings to them. He said that might sound weird. Howard said he'd love to go for a walk in that area. Perry said he walks all over and he sings to the dogs and if he can impress them he can impress anyone. He said you can get really subtle with dogs. He said they have great hearing. He said if you sing hard it might put them off. He said he learned to sing hard at times but soft enough that the dog's ears won't be bothered by it.
Howard asked what song they like the best. Perry said he does a warm up thing to start off with. He demonstrated for Howard. He told Howard that he was talking about the planning of the tour and how fun that can be. He said Billy had the idea to do this tour and he came to them asking them to go on tour. He said that they weren't going to screw them on the power and volume. He said Billy said he wanted them to have the same sound system. He said they're sharing the sound system and the lights. He said this is going to be a really special tour. Howard said there's so much to rock and roll. He said there are usually so many things that the bands won't let other bands use. Perry said they have ego ramps that you can't even walk on. He said he just walks on them.
Howard said Billy said they weren't going to have any bullshit on this tour. Perry said it's going to be a truly great show. Billy said that's what he thinks people want to see. He said he said to Perry he wants him to give him his best every night so it's hard to follow him. Howard said that's great. He said you call Perry and you have no idea what he's going to say. Billy said he could have said ''lets go looting.''
Howard asked if they ever talk about their belief in aliens and ghosts and stuff. He said they both think that there are aliens and they must have some crazy conversations. Billy said they haven't talked about UFOs abut they have spoken about God. Howard asked if Billy ever told Perry the shape shifter story. Billy said he has not. He said he only told a few people that story. Howard asked where his book is. He said it's taking forever. Billy said he knows, it's awful.
Howard said what he'd like to see on the tour is the guys coming out and doing a cover version of something and harmonizing together. Billy said he loves the idea. Perry said he loves that idea. Howard asked what song it would be. Perry said maybe ''The Man Who Sold The World.'' Billy said Nirvana did a great cover of that. He said that he wouldn't want to cover that.
Howard asked Billy what song he would want to do. He suggested Starman. Billy said Perry on Starman would be amazing. Perry said he was thinking about doing a Bowie cover together. He said they were going to but they're both perfectionists and the thought of doing 3 songs was what they wanted to do but they went into rehearsal last night and it's tough to do that. He said they decided not to try that. He said Howard has to come and see the show and they'll do it there. He said they'll even credit Howard for the idea.
Howard asked if they were rehearsing a song last night. Perry said no. Billy said they never got there. He said they were going to but they had to get these two songs right for today. Billy said it's tough to do a cover but there's a lot of work that goes into it. He said it's not something you can just snap your fingers and make it happen.
Howard said they would never take the risk and do Starman and just see what happens. Perry said they'd have to get him the lyrics and they'd have to be in big fonts. Billy said they could fake it but it may not be very good. Howard asked what they could fake right now. Billy said Suffragette City was what they were thinking.
Howard gave the guys another plug for the tour. He asked where they're going. He said L.A. is a big place for them. He said that they must be playing there. Billy said they are playing the Hollywood Bowl. They mentioned Kevin Weatherly who used to play their music on the local station out there. Perry said he's over at Spotify now. Howard said they threw that guy away from that station so that's why he's over there at Spotify now.
Howard said he could talk to them for 10 hours. Perry said they'll stop in at his place over there in New York. Howard said he's still afraid of COVID so he's not leaving his house. Billy said he's had it like 15 times and he's fine. Perry said he's been with 4 women at a time and he still hasn't had it. Howard said they have to get together again to talk about all of the crimes Perry has committed and hasn't talked about.
Howard asked Perry if he's ever shot anyone. Perry said he has shot at people but the bullets didn't go into them. Howard said he can stop by his place anytime he's not there. He said he has guitars on his set but he can't even play. He said he's not sure if they're even real. Perry said he'd like to have the guitar rack Howard has.
Howard gave the guys another plug for the tour and wrapped up. He thanked them for coming on. He let them go after that. He said that's two legends right there. He said they're legends who aren't in the hall of fame. He said he could talk to them all day.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 11:00am.