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Howard said good morning to everyone. He said most guys spend the weekend watching sports but not him. Robin said there's a lot going on. Howard said he was painting this weekend and then put on his Lizzo music. He said she is one talented woman. He said she'll be their guest today. He said her music and talent is just unbelievable. He said he pulled some tracks from her Cause I Love You album. He said she's just phenomenal. He said he kind of immersed himself in her over the weekend. He said when she got signed back in the day in 2016 she put out a song called Worship that's just great. He said you don't hear it that much. He played some of the song and asked if Robin knows it. Robin said she isn't that familiar with her music. Howard said he loves this song.
Howard said the song should have been a hit. He said it's so hard to figure out what should be a hit now. He said they go by stream now. He said back in the day you just sold a ton of records. He said the industry is so confusing now. He said so is the radio industry.
Howard said he's not sure he could even get into radio now it if he was starting out. He said it's just not the same thing anymore. He said very few people would get on radio back in the day. He said he knew what he had to do to get into the business. He said he had to work his way up to it. He went through the path and knew he had to start out at the bottom. He said now people have a microphone in their house and they can get on the internet. He said there may not be a path anymore.
Howard said he thought it would be cool to go on the radio and be rebellious about radio and talk about things that you weren't supposed to. He said that he wanted to get on and buck the system and not give a shit. Robin said now there's no system to buck. Howard said he's not sure what the path is. He said it's the same with musicians. He said it's tougher now than it used to be.
Howard said the record companies used to spend money to have the next big thing. He said now radio is something you do from the bathroom. He said he's not sure what he'd tell someone of they wanted to be on radio. He said he used to talk to radio broadcasters at Boston University. He said he's some kind of expert now. He said he'd give tours of the radio studio and things like that. He said he doesn't do that anymore because it's kind of dishonest in a way. He said he's not sure what he would tell them to do. He said the whole thing is so weird now. Robin said they're not even on radio anymore. Howard said they left over 15 years ago.
Howard said he saw some category on SiriusXM where they're considered the number 1 podcast company. He said in a wired way they're podcasters now. Robin said she didn't know that. Howard said it feels less important now.
Howard said he's anxious to talk to Lizzo because she managed to break through in the music business where it's so difficult. He said she's super talented too. Robin said she's had a sustained career too. She said there are so many one hit wonders but she has maintained it.
Howard went through some history of Lizzo. He said they'll get into that later with her though.
Howard said he had to deal with his mom a lot over the weekend. He said she's doing really well actually. He said he had to go visit and it takes up a lot of time. He said he has to get in the car for hours. He said it's a lot. He said he has to check in with people and it was a lot of that. He said he likes painting and he needs time for himself. He said it seemed like everything was so busy. He said now Christmas is there. He said his wife takes care of 90 percent of that. He said he has to take care of the other 10. He said it's a very busy time of year. Robin said there is no moment that's not taken up by something during this time of year.
Howard said he usually calls Robin but he didn't have time this weekend. Robin said she didn't have time either. Howard said he checks in to see if she's still alive. He said he has to check in. Robin said she has others checking in on her. She said she doesn't have a problem with not being found. She said she read about someone not being found for 3 years. Howard said he doesn't want that for Robin. He said he doesn't want to find out she had her face eaten off by her cats or something.
Howard said he didn't have time for himself and he got aggravated over the weekend. He said they didn't even have time to watch Yellowstone. He said he TiVo'd the show because it wasn't on Paramount+. He said he thinks they want you to watch it on TV. He said he'd rather watch it on the app. He said he thinks they want to get you both ways. He said they don't want you to see it. Gary said it's on the App but not on Paramount. He said it's on Peacock. Howard said fuck that. He said he went to Paramount+ and he wasn't able to find it. He said he wishes they could go back to the way things used to be. He just wants to watch it on TV.
Robin said she stumbled on The Sandman and she had started watching it. She said she forgot about it.
Jon let Howard know that Yellowstone is not on Peacock. He said it's on the Paramount app but not Paramount+. Howard said what assholes. He said he isn't going to get that app. He said fuck you assholes. He asked for the name of the person who runs that company. He said fuck them. He asked how many apps they have to have. He said it's like if HBO told you to get HBOMax and then said you need the HBO app. He said what a bunch of bullshit.
Howard said it's unbelievable. He answered a knock at the door and it was fake Andrew Dice Clay who was saying that things are different with TV and with women now too. He was talking about how women ask you who you voted for before they'll go out with you now. He was talking about the old days with women when they had a bush the size of the Rockefeller tree. He said things are different with the pronouns too. He said his pronouns are ''Blow and Me.''
Howard and fake Dice spent a few minutes talking about the old days. Dice asked Robin to whip out a tit for him like the old times. Robin said that never happened. Howard let Dice go and thanked him for checking in. He said come in any time.
Howard said Bob Bakish is the head of Paramount global. He said he is not getting the Paramount network app. He said fuck you. He said he pays for Paramount+ already. He said he's not getting another app. He said he sat down to watch Yellowstone and it wasn't on the app. He said he had a conniption and he looked on Hulu.
Jon said if you want to watch the first four seasons you watch on Peacock. He said that if you want the new season you have to watch the Paramount app. He said the spin offs are on Paramount+. Howard said he's not getting suckered into those. He asked why they can't put it on Paramount+. He said fuck them. Robin said 1883 was very good. Jon said the new one with Harrison Ford and Helen Miren is going to be very good.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she can't imagine what people are paying for to find the show. Howard said he thinks this guy who runs Paramount fucked up and now he's feeling he got hosed and he wants people like him to pay for this app to pay for the show. He said fuck him and it's not his problem.
Howard and Jon were talking about one of the women in the show who is British and does a great American accent.
Howard took a call from the fake head of Paramount. He called in to give Howard the rundown of how to get the show. He said you need an app and a special code and all of this other stuff.
Howard asked Mike why he started listening to them now after being there for 15 years. Mike said that he was a cheap fuck. He said he's kidding. He said that Howard was out there more with the Springsteen interview and all of that. Howard said that's what he was expecting. He said his motive to put Bruce on HBO was to get the interview out there to the people. He said he wanted more people to see it. He said he also wanted to do something outside of the SiriusXM wall. He said he thinks it would remind some of the fans who didn't come over that they're still there doing stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a Program Director at a radio station now. He said that it's not the time to get into radio though. He said he wouldn't tell someone to get into it. Howard said he agrees. He said things are changing so much. Robin said technology changed so much. She said that's why everyone has a microphone in their house. Howard said no one is an expert now.
Howard asked the caller what he had to say. The guy said he started in radio at 14. He said he worked his way up and got to Program Director. He said there's still an interest in this whole thing but it's not the same. Howard said the problem is that it's hard to get paid in radio. He said these companies have consolidated. He said the advertising isn't the same anymore. He said it used to be a lot of money to buy a radio station but now you can get one for a few million. He said these investments are tanking now. He said the money isn't there. He said it's not sure what to tell people to do.
Howard said Harrison has been in radio since he was 14. Robin said 9 years later he's a Program Director.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he went to Bob Kraft's wedding. Howard said he wasn't invited. He said he has lost more friends over this pandemic thing. He said a lot of people have given up on him. He said they have friends who they were getting close to that they have lost since the pandemic. He said that they're asked to go to parties but they want to know if people are being tested. He said he heard from Bob over the pandemic but he's not going out. He said it's okay if he lost people because he doesn't mind not going out. The caller said he has to take Beth out. Howard said he had this discussion with her. He said she brings it up once in a while. He said he asked her what she really misses. He said they're both locked up together. He said that they go on a walk every day. Robin asked if it's the same route. Howard said it is. He said they're like hamsters on a wheel. He said today it's cold out so he's kind of bummed about that. He said he has a house in Florida that he could be in but Beth wants to be up there.
The caller said that he saw Howard at this place called Charlie Crab in West Palm Beach. Howard said he never went there. He said he goes to a lot of places down there but not that one. The caller insisted he saw him there. Howard said maybe he saw Rhea Perlman there.
Howard and the caller talked about Tom Brady and what's going on with him. Howard said Brady has to be fucking someone. He said he had that wife for 10 years or however long. He said the guy is rich and a football player so he must be banging. Robin said he had the most beautiful woman with the most incredible body. Howard said you get tired of things. He said he hasn't been with a lot of women himself but women might get sick of blowing you or something and things don't get mixed up. He said that they might not have been getting along and things get complacent and dull. He said maybe one day he woke up and he got sick of that accent. He said you don't know what happened there. He said now he's with some girl and that's what he wants. He said some girl is probably licking his asshole. He said that's what guys want at the end of the day. He said the want a freak. Howard said he has no idea who Tom is fucking but there are ways to keep it quiet. He said there are ways to keep it quiet. He said if he's smart about it then there are ways. He said he knows guys who are in the business and they're able to keep it quiet. He said he knows guys who just have girls over to their place and won't go out. He said they won't go public until they know they like each other.
Howard said he remembers when Gilbert Gottfried was sick and in the hospital and he didn't want anyone knowing. He said that he went to the hospital and no one wrote it up. He said it was out there but no one cared. He said Gilbert got upset that no one was writing about it. Robin said he told him to talk about it. Howard said he did. He said no one gave a shit.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Dice again. Howard talked to Dice about Tom Brady and Gisele. They spent a minute talking about that relationship and what may have gone wrong.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he should keep doing what he's doing so he doesn't' get COVID. He said he was careful for a couple of years but he went out a few times in the past couple of weeks and he got COVID. Howard said you can't even get into a hospital now with the flu and RSV and COVID going around. Howard said it's bad out there. He said COVID is bad across the country now. He said everyone said fuck it and wanted to get back to their life. He said he thinks the new vaccine will be useless and it wont work. Robin said she hears from people who have been triple vaxxed and everyone of them talks about getting it even after that. Howard said it doesn't mean you don't have COVID. He said people are so stupid. Howard said he's staying locked up as long as his wife lets him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has had a crush on this girl since he was 16. He said they have kissed and things but not past that. He said they're both in their 40s now and he wonders what he would think about him asking her to finally just be with him. He asked if he should do that or not even talk to her. Howard said he is no great lover boy but he has feelings about this. He said a lot of time in life we hold back for whatever reason. He said he was excited about this Bruce Springsteen thing and he wanted to talk to him and tell him how excited he was. He said he didn't want to be a nudge. He said his psychiatrist told him to just call the guy and let him know. He said he was right. He said just let people know. He said too often he holds back because he thinks it's not the right thing to do. He said it's the worst thing in the world to do that. He said it might bring you closer to that person.
Howard asked the caller when he kissed this girl. The caller said it was in the summer of 1997. He said he remembers it well because Mother Theresa had died that summer. Howard said he wants to know why the caller, Mike, didn't do anything other than kiss her. Mike said he's not even sure. He said when the girl got into his life she'd back away. He said he's not sure what it was that made her do that. He said she called him in 1999 and said she was going to visit and she never did. He said he has no idea what's up with this girl.
Howard said his advice is that this girl likes that he likes her but she may not be all that into him. He said that he's going to suggest that a grown ass man like he is should just say to her that he wants to find out if she's single. He said if she is then ask her to talk face to face. He said they can meet up for lunch or something. He said he can talk to her about how he feels and ask her if she feels the same way. He said that she may feel into it and not so into it. He said he has to ask her how she feels about him. He said he can tell her that he wants to see where it can go. Howard said he'd handle this on the phone in 5 minutes if she was on the phone with him. He said he has a feeling that if she wanted him she would have been in touch. Howard said you can't scratch this itch until you let her know how he really feels.
Howard said he has to ask her to go along with the program too. He said then his torture can be over. Mike said he wanted to hear from Howard. Howard said he would handle it if she was on the phone now. He said he'd let her know that Mike likes her. He said she might say that she has been waiting for him to tell her how he feels for the past 30 years. Mike said he hasn't seen her in like 10 years now. He said she was the hottest girl in high school.
Howard said when he was in high school he was shy as shy could be. He said there was this one girl who would walk around in school girl outfits. He said she wasn't the hottest girl but she was cute. He said she didn't have the best face but it wasn't bad. He said she had a body that wouldn't quit. He said he would look her over and he never said anything to her. He said he would have loved to have fucked her but he never went up to anyone. He said the other day he went on a friend of his Facebook page and saw she was friends with this guy. He said he looked into it and saw her. He said he wanted to look at what she looks like now. Howard said she looked like Benjy in a dress. He said he would rather date Benjy than this girl now. He said he holds himself in contempt. He said he should have been able to ask this girl out back then. He said Mike has to just ask this girl out and ask her what the story is. He said if she's not into him then stop pining away and just move on. He let Mike go after that.
Robin said maybe they were both too shy and they were never able to work it out. She said it could still work. Howard said he's thinking about this girl he looked up. He said she had smaller tits than Benjy.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw Steve Martin and Martin Short on Saturday Night Live this week. Howard said he didn't see the whole show but he did see some of the monologue. He said they're so fucking funny. He said they each wrote each other's eulogy. The caller was interrupting. Howard said he did see that and he thought it was very funny. He said they did a eulogy that was great. He said he saw a little bit of it but not the whole thing.
The caller said he just wants to say that one of the sketches was great when Martin Short was playing Scrooge was great. Howard said it was very good. He said he did see that. He said his explanation was very bad but that was a funny sketch. Howard explained the sketch a little bit for Robin.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if he caught the Brandi Carlile performances. Howard said she is so good. He said she has so much talent. Robin said she was great on the rock hall of fame show. Howard said her wife is hot and she's kind of femme. He said Brandi is kind of butch. He said she wears the suit and all of that. He said he loves Brandi and he can imagine a strap on being used there. He said her wife is very attractive. Howard was talking about all of the things he imagines them doing together. He said he can imagine a lot of intense licking going on.
Howard said he watched a lesbian porn this weekend. He said this one girl was so good looking. He said it's weird. He said in this video the girl was tied up. He said they were both good looking. He said this girl was totally vulnerable. He said this girl walks in wearing a one piece bathing suit. He said the other girl is totally naked. He said these two go at it. He said he didn't see the whole thing. He said he watched it in 3 sessions. He said that it was pretty good. He said if you want to see the whole thing you have to go to the pay site. He said he had already cum to it three times. He said he came when the girl touched the other girl's tittie. He said he's sure Brandi and her wife are up to a lot of crazy stuff.
Howard took a call from fake Brandi and her wife. It was a porn clip with women moaning and screaming. Howard said he loves love. He said that's the sound of love.
Howard let the caller go and took another call from a guy who said he's 50 and he has caner in his kidneys. He said he has a hard core republican friend who told him that he got cancer because he got vaccinated. Howard asked why he would say that. Robin said there are people who believe that. Howard said he's sorry he's going through that. He said there's nothing worse than a cancer diagnosis. He said that sucks. He said he had a scare with kidney cancer as well. He said he knows what this guy is going through and Robin knows it even more. He said that guy is a fucker and that's not good. He said guy doesn't know why he got cancer. He said this is one of those guys who just feels like the vaccine gave him cancer. He said they're morons.
Howard said the guy is just fucking with his head. He said all of us as human beings don't want to think that something bad is going to happen to us. He said we look for control and you want to find a reason for it. He said you think something like the vaccine gave it to you or something else you did was the reason. He said you want to know but sometimes life just sucks and shit just happens. Robin said she wondered why she wound up with cancer. She said she just realized she had to deal with it and not worry about how she got it.
The caller said he wondered about everything and why he may have gotten it. He said that he thought it might have been his deodorant or something like that. He said he doesn't have a cancer history in his family.
Howard said he got upset when Robin got her cancer. He said he blamed it on those fucking enemas. Robin said he told her about that. Howard said she was shooting shit into her ass. Robin said it was just coffee and water. She said it wasn't just shooting shit up there. Howard said he needed to know why she got cancer. Howard said her ass has been traumatized more than Ukraine.
The caller said that he's hoping for the best when he goes to the doctor. Howard wished him luck and let him go. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and talked about the Veruca Salt song they had playing. He said his hair is looking big today. Robin said it has a great curl to it today. She said it's nice and loose and shiny. Howard said he has this product he uses that he really likes. He said this company doesn't pay for this plug. He said they have four products. He said he has to give them a plug. He said he wants them to keep making it. He said it's Milbon. He said this stuff has no alcohol in it and it makes his hair nice and shiny and curly. He said it's not frizzy. He said he really likes this stuff. He said it's very good and he likes it. He said he showers the night before the show so this is him rolling out of bed.
Howard said he isn't being arrogant but he is a 4 time best hair award winner. He said he may win again this year. He said he's mostly pepper but he has salt and pepper hair.
Howard said since Kanye West came out and said he was for Hitler its been hard to transition to other stories. He had a montage of broadcasters trying to deal with that. In the montage the news anchors were going from that to weather and other things that weren't so dark.
Howard said the show biz news is so odd that it's hard to move into other things. Robin said the best was the transition to the port-a-potty thing. Howard said they were pretty great.
Howard said he knows Aaron Judge is a big deal. He said that he bet on himself and the Yankees made him an offer and he turned it down. He read a story about that whole thing and talked about people who thought they could take a chance on themselves and the don't always work out.
Howard said he thought this was kind of upsetting. He said Caroline's comedy club is closing. He said it's closing on January 1st. He said that he hasn't been there since he was like 30. He said Dave Attell is going to be the final performer there.
Howard said he saw a few shows there. He said he saw Gilbert there and some tother performers. He said it was a good room. He said the owners raised the rent there. He said he's waiting to see what goes in there. He said there you go.
Howard said he thought Caroline was hot. He said he's not sure if she still is. He heard that Benjy still thinks she's hot at 70. Benjy said he saw her before the pandemic. Gary said he saw her 5 months ago and she does look great. Howard asked if she ever married after she and her husband divorced. Benjy said he doesn't think the husband helped her with the club. Howard said he doesn't know. He ended up kicking Benjy off when he got annoyed with him.
Howard said he's not sure what it is with them that they can't communicate. Robin said he's better writing. Howard said he can't talk with the guy.
Howard read about things that are happening on the subway and said there was a story about someone who jumped down to touch the third rail on the subway. He said the guy had his shirt off and he has a picture there. He said that there has to be a better way to kill yourself. He said this ties everyone up who is on the subway. He said people are just practical there and if you want to kill yourself don't jump out a window and land on someone. He said have some fucking respect. He said you're holding up an entire subway train. He said this is people yelling at the guy to just do it or not and get off the track. Howard played some audio of people yelling at the guy.
Howard said some of the staff use this app called Citizen. He said they monitor local police reports. Howard read some of the headlines from the app where they had some crazy stories out there.
Howard asked Robin if she's watching this Harry and Meghan show. Robin said she can't get through it. Howard said he's trying. He said they're a few episodes in. He said they come off as such whiny bitches. He said he gets Harry getting upset with the monarchy and the way his mother was treated. He said that Prince Charles was such a cunt to Lady Diana. He said he feels bad for him losing his mother but when they start whining it's really awful. He said Meghan wants to be loved in this country and it's not happening. He said they claim they want their privacy and then they go on and put themselves and their kids on Netflix. He said it's like the Kardahsians but boring. Robin said it would be one thing if it was all current footage but they were taping themselves back when they were going through all of this so they have always been recording themselves.
Howard said he finds the show troubling. Robin said they have a book coming out and they've been on Oprah. She said it's the same story. Howard said he's not sure where they're going with this. He said when you see the palaces they live in and the grounds they have it blows your mind. He said they have butlers and cars and food and all of this stuff. He said fuck you. Robin said they have every need taken care of.
Howard said they have a bunch more episodes coming out. Robin said there are more and they have 3 out already.
Robin said that Harry expects to live at the same level. Howard said he thinks that he will eventually not dig her. He said he's going to get sick of her.
Howard said Trevor Noah had his final Daily Show on Thursday. He said speaking of bad moves there you go. Robin said TV has changed a lot. She said people rely on people to post things from their shows now. She said he was thanking people for sharing clips from the show. Howard said the ratings weren't that strong but he likes Trevor. He said he would have advised him to sty there. Robin said it was too much.
Howard said The Mandalorian is coming back in March. He said that's good news. He said he hasn't seen White Lotus finale yet. He said the show is so good. He said that Michael Imperioli is good. He said the show is great. He said it's awesome.
Robin said that Guillermo Del Toro has a great show on too. She told Howard some of them are so good they're nearly Twilight Zone level. Howard said that show screwed with his head. He said he used to lock his sister's doll up after he saw the episode with the talking doll. He said it freaked him out. He said he had it locked up with some cigars he smoked. He said he would take a few puffs and put it out and stick it in this locker with the doll. He said years later his sister found it and the cigars in the box. He said that he denied it was him.
Howard said he had a weird relationship with the Twilight Zone. He talked about some of the episodes with Robin. Howard said he has to take a break so he can get to Lizzo. He said she is so talented. He said you have to hear her story. He said he has to take a break first. He said on Wednesday they're doing Hollyweird Squares. He said they have a video special on the SiriusXM App. He said it's a Storytellers episode with David Letterman. He said it's everyone talking about Letterman and it's very creative and interesting. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and had Lizzo there with him. Howard said he knows that Lizzo is a Lauren Hill fan so that's why he chose this song to play. Howard had the guys bring in Lizzo and her band. He said hello to her and the band.
Howard said he spent the entire weekend with Lizzo. He said he was listening to her music and watching her documentary over the weekend. He said he knows that Lauren Hill is an influence on her. He said you listen to her and how great she is and think you want to be like her or you can't be like her and you can't get into the business.
Howard asked Lizzo if she regrets agreeing to do the show today. She said she had to get up at 1am. She said she as sorry then but she's up now and she has a third wind. Howard said he knows how hard it was for her to become an artist and to be well known. Howard said once you hit and the world knows you it's like seizing the moment. He said she's doing Saturday Night Live and she's on this show and all of that. He said this is the moment to do it. He asked if she wants to take some time off. Lizzo said not yet. She said she has always been the Energizer Bunny to her mom. She said she has been training her whole life.
Howard said Lizzo put out her album I Love You and that had to be a soul crushing thing because it came out when COVID came around. Howard said that was the time to go out and perform. He asked if it drove her insane that she couldn't capitalize on it. Lizzo said not at all. She said it came out in 2019 in April and from that time until 2020 it was over stimulating. She said she had a lot of things to cope with and things have changed since then. She said they were on their way to do an Asian leg of her tour and all of these things. She said they all had to stop. She said she never looked at it like she missed out on anything. She said everything happens for a reason in her life. She said she got to be introspective and deal with things she wasn't able to cope with.
Howard said he liked her documentary. He said Mark Ronson was with her and he was only on for a seconds but it's got to be daunting to do something like that. He said you can be laughed out of a room. He asked what it's like for her to go into the studio like that. He asked if she has any insecurity about doing that. Lizzo said it's like being an art-splainer. She said you have to preface things and don't be afraid to mess things up. She said she knew Mark Ronson after meeting him years ago. She said she didn't have a lot at the time and she was playing him songs that she thought would blow his mind. She said he told her that just wasn't his style. She said they met up again years later and worked on things. She said everything works out for her.
Howard asked Lizzo about making music and what she's going for. Lizzo said with this new album she thought about it more. She said she wanted people to step out of his pandemic dark period and she thought that she could help people. She said she's not thinking about having a hit song.
Howard said he saw the documentary and some people were saying that she writes for white people. He said you have to write what's in your head. He said it's not fair to say that. He said it's a debilitating criticism. He said that would be tough to get through. He said that it has to be hurtful. Lizzo said it's very hurtful. She said she is a black woman and it challenges her identity. He said that's very hurtful and then on the other end she's making funky and soulful music that was made for black people. She said that her message is for everybody and anybody. She said that those people just don't get her at all. She said a lot of people don't get her. She said that's why she did the documentary.
Howard said he thinks things must have been easier in the 70s than it is now. He said now she has to share everything. Lizzo said she thinks she was born at the right time. She said she has used social media as a way to escape. She said she was using it to talk to people and she was on TikTok for years and now it's almost a demand that the record companies have. She said that they think she owes them something now. She said she was just using it for fun. Howard said the tough thing is to keep supplying the fans with information.
Howard said he loves this song Worship from the album Coconut Oil. He said this was from her first album. He said just loves this song. He asked about writing the song. Lizzo said she wrote this when she first moved out to L.A. She said she was writing with this guy and he pulled up this track first. She said she was thinking about the Aretha Franklin song Respect and the rest is history. Howard asked if they knew they had a smash hit. Lizzo said they wanted her to make more after hearing this. She said this was the first song she made. She said the just wanted her to do more. Howard said Lizzo has said she hid her singing under rap. He said she didn't know she could sing so well. Howard said his song is the one that liberated her. Lizzo said it did. Howard asked how she didn't know she was a good singer. Lizzo said that you grew up hearing real singers and she heard Beyonce and Aretha singing. She said she has more of a rock and roll kind of voice. She said hear her old rock band stuff and it's not going to have the same effect. She said she has honed her craft. She said that she was working on it before that. She said that she has had to find her voice and she's still not there.
Howard said he loves that she named her flute Sasha. He said that she has an interesting relationship with that flute. Howard said she was born in Detroit and her teacher thought she should play the flute. Howard said he was handed the clarinet in school and he hated it. He said that Lizzo took to the flute like no one's business. Howard asked if she was a lonely shy kid and that's why she got to be so good. Howard asked what drove her to be so good. Lizzo said she never thought about it like that. She said it was in Houston Texas but the band director made it very cool. She said they were playing great songs and music. She said they made it fun so that was her first allure. She said once she started playing she was very ambitious. She said she had these wild ambitions. She said she wanted to be the best flute player of all time so she just practiced and practiced. Howard said there's not a lot of flute players to look up to. He said that she got so proficient that she got a scholarship to a college. He said she was so good that she got a free ride. Lizzo said she did.
Howard asked if she was considered a prodigy. Lizzo said no one used that term around her.
Howard asked Lizzo if she knows Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull. Lizzo said yes. Howard said he sees her as someone like Ian. He said when he would play he was making all kinds of noises while he'd play. He asked if she sees the parallel there. Lizzo said her dad would reference the band when she was growing up. She said she thought it was cool hearing that band. She said she was influenced by James Galloway. Howard played some of his stuff. Lizzo said she loves that. Howard said it almost brings you to tears it's so beautiful. Lizzo said it's the simple stuff that gets you. She said this is her foundation.
Howard said this is Ian Anderson with Jethro Tull. He played some of his stuff and asked if that's pretty good flute playing. Lizzo said she has never heard this before. Howard let it play for a minute. Lizzo didn't know that he was the singer and the flute player. She said what he's doing is very hard. Howard said it's crazy stuff.
Howard asked why her dad never played her this stuff. Lizzo said she plays around like that. She said she's too shy to do it on stage for real. She said she has to perfect it. Howard said he thinks she's pretty perfect as she is.
Howard asked if that's her flute right there. Lizzo said it is. She said it looks a little ashey right now. Howard old her to put some Vaseline on it. Lizzo said she has a cleaning cloth for it but she's too lazy to pick it up right now.
Howard asked when Lizzo knew that she was good and what song she could play that made her know that. He asked her to play something with Sasha. Lizzo said she's cold right now. She said the sound may not be the best. She said she wishes she could do something like Ian Anderson did. She did a little bit of something like Ian. She said she gets so nervous that she could never do that on stage.
Howard said in the documentary she was talking about now hearing the guitars in the band and she had to hear them for the concert. Howard said she had to get upset about that if they don't hear. He said it has to blow her mind. Lizzo said she does get upset because she wants to give the best show possible. He said mistakes happen though. He said she did Coachella and the music was just stopping. She said she had to keep singing and the music was cutting in and out. She said they kept playing and did their thing. She said the finished the show and they thought that was part of the show. Howard asked who you blame when something like that happens. He said that she covered it very well. He said he saw that. Lizzo said that hopefully someone takes accountability for that. She said that she may not have to get upset with anyone. She said people she works with do take responsibility for it so she doesn't have to get too upset.
Howard said it has to suck when you have to be the boss. He said some people don't measure up though so she has to be the boss. Lizzo said she as grown so much. She said that she has been blessed. She said some people will back out when they can't handle things. She said her first manager didn't want to manage her while she was in pop. She said that he let her know and left. Howard said that's very rare for someone to do something like that.
Howard said Lizzo's dad died when she was in college. He said that she lived out of her car for a while after that. He said she got out of college too. Howard said she may not have wanted to do music anymore. Howard asked what it was like living in a car. He said people must see her now thinking she's rich and she never had a struggle. He said she did struggle though. Howard asked why she left school. Lizzo said she felt like she was frozen. She said she didn't know what to say when someone asked how she was doing. She said she had a breakdown. She said she had so many horrible things happen to her one thing after another. She said she was living in her car and she was exhausted. Howard asked what the exhaustion was. He asked if it was her dreams and people shitting on her or was it losing her father. Lizzo said she felt like her life didn't have purpose anymore. She said she had a clear purpose before that. She said she was focused on her family and her dad was pushing her to play and it was to take care of him later in life. She said when she lost him things were aimless. He said she was 20 and she didn't know what to do. She said she didn't have anyone to talk to. She said she was wondering if she just left. She said she just wanted to be with her dad and it wasn't suicidal but it was she was exhausted with life.
Howard said Lizzo took a lot of crap from kids in her life. He said her dad was probably the only guy who didn't throw that at her. Lizzo said her brother was good too. She said her dad was a good man in her life. She said she had the reverse daddy issues in her life. She said that guys have to be top notch to mess with her. Howard said that she wasn't suicidal but she was exhausted. Lizzo said she was.
Howard asked what it was like living in her car. She said she would stop at gas stations and things like that. She said she was fortunate to have a place to park when they were recording her album. She said she would sleep on friend's floors. She said she was so grateful when she got fed by some of these people. She said she would shower at gyms and places like that. She said she would shower at the studio but it was grody. She said there was shit in the bathroom there at the studio all the time.
Howard asked Lizzo about the teasing in class in school. Lizzo said in 8th and 9th grade things were bad. She said she had a wide foot so she was made fun of about that and her hair. She said she was very sweaty too. He said she would have her clothes hidden in school. She said they made fun of her for not shaving her legs and things like that. She said she would answer questions in school and they made fun of her for that too. She said she had her weight made fun of too. She said that she had people making fun of her the whole time and she had to find ways to cope. Howard said that's got to be tough.
Howard said people can be rough. Lizzo said she got to be funny and people do that to escape bullying. She said that there was one guy who made fun of her every day on the bus to school. She said he has apologized since then. Howard said she got called fat ass and that might become her nickname. Lizzo said she empowered Fat Ass and she can call herself fat and it doesn't bother her. She said that word can be very sensitive to people. She said she has empowered both that and bitch so she can say fat bitch.
Howard asked what song it is where she sings about having her DNA checked and she finds out she's 100 percent bitch. Howard said that line is great. He said it might be the best. He said that's on Truth Hurts. Howard played the song. He said she has some heavy lines in that song. He talked to her about a lyric about how guys change once they get into your pants or something like that.
Howard asked if she has those lines written down or does she just come up with them. Lizzo said she went into the studio and she was talking about men and they were writing them down. She said they told her she had a song there. Howard said she was just unloading and she wrote a song that way. Lizzo said it was. She said that it was like a stream of consciousness thing. Howard started the song over again.
Howard said that he loves that song. He asked how many Grammys she won for that. She said it was 3. She said she won it in three different genres in one night. Howard said that has to be great. He asked if they mean something to her. She said they absolutely do. She said that was like a ''We're here'' moment for them. Howard asked if she ever thinks about the people who made fun of her and hopes that they saw her on stage seeing her win. He said the people who made fun of her and even her mom. He said that it must be a big victory dance for her. Lizzo said she never has a fuck you energy. She said she'll have it for one person but not for a lot of people. She said that's not the kind of energy she wants to put out there. She said she did have a full circle moment with Cardi B. She said she did think about the people she grew up with and how she felt so great knowing Cardi B and how people are going to see that and think she finally made it and really did it. She said she got emotional about it.
Howard asked if she has people who try to be friends now that she's famous. Lizzo said no one has access to her. Howard said that's great.
Howard played Lizzo's song Rumors and asked if she had a point in her life where she turned off her emotions and how she got over that and learned to love. Lizzo said from a very young age she rejected the idea of love. She said that music was her boyfriend. She said she was very focused on where she had to go in life. She said that no one expressed interest in her and she went through life with that wall up. Lizzo said shortly after writing Truth Hurts she wondered if she was really unlovable. She said she had to dive into all of that. She said that people would say the loved her but then they leave and that made her feel even worse. Lizzo said she had to love herself first. She said things were very ugly and scary for her. She said things were really hard. Howard said it's very impressive that she dug herself out of that hole without any help from a therapist. He said that's crazy.
Howard said Lizzo would also micro dose mushrooms. Howard asked what it was about that stuff that helped. Lizzo said she was afraid of everything and she had a lot of anxiety and she thought she was losing her mind. She said she doesn't do anything synthetic. She said that she only uses things that grow in the ground. Lizzo said she felt this need to control her life and she just can't. He said that you have to let go of the reins. She said she got chilled out a lot and it helped her out. Howard said she was able to give up control without the paranoia of losing control. He said that's pretty heavy.
Howard asked Lizzo about going out with fans. She said she did on one tour where she took some guys home after shows. She said that one guy gave a ''yes!'' after they were walking away from each other. She said things were too weird doing that so she stopped. She said that she still wonders if guys are going to kill her when she goes out with people.
Howard asked if she still has people sign NDAs with her. Lizzo said she does and it's like a social Botox kind of thing. She said she doesn't have anything to hide really but she has had enough lawsuits now that it's nice to have this level of protection. She said she has had lawsuits. Howard asked what those were about. Lizzo said that she's sorry to her publicist. She said she can't talk about them for legal reasons.
Howard said she has been sued over things like what, songs and things like that. Lizzo said something along those lines but maybe Tweets. Howard said social media is tough. Lizzo said she can't clap back like she used to.
Howard asked if being rich is great and what's he best thing she's bought other than the $55,000 flute. Lizzo said someone got that for her. She said that she didn't buy that. Howard asked if it's the best flute she's ever played. Lizzo said absolutely. Howard asked if Sasha is jealous. Lizzo said of course. She said that this flute is better than her. Howard asked if she plays anything other than the flute. He asked if she plays guitar. Lizzo said she can bullshit on just about any instrument. She said you have an idea of melody and rhythm after you learn an instrument. Lizzo said she can play sort of but not really. She said she had to play piano in college said she has a basic understanding of that. She said she can play drums too. She said she can play like Meg White from the White Stripes.
Howard asked if Lizzo pulls out that flute and blows people away with her playing. Lizzo said she has done that for along time. Howard said she has those corkscrew fingernails and that has to be tough. Lizzo said it's the hardest thing to do. She said she likes to do life on Hard mode. She said that she won't just take them off to make things easier. She said she's an over achiever. She said that she relates to Lady Macbeth.
Howard asked if she thinks about what would have happened if she didn't make it. He said she's felt like she has something special since she was a little kid. Lizzo said when she released her first album it was in 2017 and it didn't hit until 2019. She said she has a loyal fan base now. She said she can do that by herself and she can sustain herself. She said that she just has to put out good music and she can have the life of a touring musician. She said she made peace with that and then she had all of this shit happen.
Howard played her song ''Cuz I Love you'' and talked about how big that song was. After playing that Howard said he has to figure out what went on with her mother. He said that she didn't want her cursing in her music and she wasn't very supportive when she did. Howard said the family went to therapy with them over that. Lizzo said she was in therapy and she invited them to go. Howard said he feels like her mom is on board now but she wasn't too happy with her before. Lizzo said her parents had three kids and they were working at a job together to be able to support school and her flute and all of that. She said her mom worked so hard her whole life. She said she wanted her mom to like what she was doing but sometimes she was just tired. She said she got her the first flute. She said that her mother supported it and endorsed it. She was just there for her. Lizzo said she has no resentment for her mom. She said she's working on her relationship now and she's got her in her life. She said that she knows that time is the most precious thing we have. She said she respects what she did for her.
Howard asked Lizzo about being in therapy and how he was in therapy and he had to do things for his parents to give them credit. He asked if she sees that she didn't have to do that for her mother when she had her introduce her on Saturday Night Live. Lizzo said she does stuff like that for everybody and not just her family. She said she likes the light to be shining on everyone. She said it feels good to shining light on people. She said she had her mom introduce her because she was the host and the musician. She said she thought having her mom do it was very sweet.
Howard said he likes Eric Andre and he wonders what the whole thing between them is. He said she seems to have a tremendous sense of humor. He asked how she knows Eric. Lizzo said she has been friends with him for a long time actually. She said that she met him years ago at a party she went to. She said she knew him from his show. She said they kind of ran into each other a bunch of times. She said she wanted to be on his show and then she met Ketau who does the directing of his show. She said she was asked to come to a Valentine's day thing and she met him again. She said it was just running into each other a bunch. She said she wanted to be on the show to be abused like everyone else on the show.
Howard said Lizzo is in a documentary on HBO and he likes seeing the stuff she shows in that. He asked if she saw the Get Back documentary. She said she did and she was blown away watching some of that. She said it's amazing that those songs came out the way they did.
Howard asked why not study the show to see their process. Howard said she writes songs for a living so why not study it. Lizzo said she has her own process and she's good at what she does. She said she thinks it's working for her.
Howard said they have to talk to her band. He said hello to the band and talked to them for a short time. He introduced them all and spent a few seconds getting to know each of them. Howard spent a few minutes talking to one of the band members who was a Marine. She told Howard about her time in the Marines and how she played in the Marine Corp band.
Howard asked what song they're going to do first. He asked if they're doing ''About Damn Time.'' Lizzo said they can do that. Howard asked about the song and why they're going to play it today. Lizzo said it is nominated for a Grammy. She said she wants to show it off because she's proud of it.
Howard said that her album was up against Billie Eilish's album. He said she kicked her ass. Lizzo said that Billie swept that year. She said they were there cheering for her. She said Howard can't get her to start anything there. Howard said he was just trying to get something going there.
Howard asked if there are people she's close with in the business she can call and talk to about this big fame she has now. Lizzo said the first person she ever talked to about that was Adele. She said that she is like her but in a different font. She said she wrote to her about the documentary and said she loves it. She said she was really thankful to her for that. Howard said it must be nice to have someone like that to talk to like that. Lizzo said she's very grateful to her.
Howard went through the other artists that Lizzo is up against this year for the Grammy. He said that he thinks that she can beat Taylor Swift because people are Taylor Swifted out by now. Lizzo said she already feels like a winner so she's fine if she doesn't win. She said that just going there and performing will be like a win for her. She said that there are so many huge artists there and she's already winning so she's good. Howard said she's a lot healthier than he is. He said he'd be very competitive. Lizzo said she's like the green juice of artists. She said she's so healthy. Howard said it's a beautiful thing.
Howard said this song is About Damn Time. He asked if she has anything to say about it. Lizzo said that she hated this song when she did it. She said that she wrote it in February. She said that it came out in April. She said it took so many rewrites to get it right. She said they had so many lyrics that were over thought. She said that it used to be About That Time but they changed it to About Damn Time. She said she hated the song but now she loves it. She said there was no magic there. She said she had an epiphany with the song and then they all heard it. She said they knew it was going to be her first single when it finally clicked. Howard said that happens a lot with bands. He said they have an album done and then they think they need one more song and that song ends up being the biggest hit.
Howard said they're going to have the band perform now. Lizzo had to warm up her flute a bit. Howard said she's got this. Lizzo said she's forgetting things right now. Howard had them do their thing and perform ''About Damn Time.''
After the song Howard said that flute didn't sound cold to him. He said that's a good song.
Howard said he has to ask about Prince before they finish up. He asked what the story was about her getting to see her do Purple Rain. Lizzo said she was in a girl group and they were doing a local documentary about the group. She said that Prince was looking for them and they were asked to go to Paisley Park. She said that they went there and it was like on an Easter Sunday. Howard said this is the song she's on. Howard played some of the song ''Boytrouble.'' Lizzo said they were asked to treat it like it was their song. She said after she gave her permission to do that then she was doing everything. She said she was giving him everything she could. She said it paid off because he loved it and put it on the album. She said he paid them in increments of 7. She said that she bought her first laptop with that money. She said she was going to Paisley Park to perform regularly. She said that place is his home but it was more than a home. He said it was like a music factory kind of place. She said he has an airplane hanger in there and his purple motorcycle is there. She said it was really something special.
Howard asked if she got to talk to him much. Lizzo said she saw him perform on piano and it was something really special. She said that he did Purple Rain on piano. Howard said that song is so great. He said he was so weird. He said he went to see him one night in a small venue. He said he turned all the lights off and he had to leave. He said he went to see him and he turned the lights off. He said he had to leave. Lizzo said she thinks that he was always that way. She said he honored himself. She said she does the same.
Howard said you weren't allowed to curse in front of Prince. Lizzo said that's true. She said that she turned that into something when he passed. She said he wanted people to spread love and positivity so that's what she's doing to this day. Howard said she got to hang out with Prince and cry with him. He said that's special.
Howard said they're going to do this song ''Special'' off of her new album with the same name. Lizzo talked about producing the album and how great that worked with the producer. She said that making music is a consummation in a way and it feels like a baby was made when the album is done. She said it's very special and a rare thing. Howard asked if she wants to be with that person all the time after doing something like that. Lizzo said some of them. She said she has some relationships where it's like a marriage. She said that it's a spectrum. She said there are some people she craves to be around. She said here are some she has to have in the studio.
Howard said this song is about reentering the world. Lizzo said this is about how more people were able to find her and it lets in more trolls and negativity. She said that people had a harder time finding her in he past and when she got to be more famous it invited more people in. She said it had more mean remarks. She said she's very polarizing. She said she's not even sure why. Howard said don't even listen to that stuff. He said you start to change who you are to please them. He said let someone else deal with that shit. Lizzo said yes but no one handles her social media. She said that she loves to do that but it exposes her to the negativity. She said she will only read a few things on TikTok and nothing on Instagram. Howard said that's the way to do it.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Lizzo before they got to the song he introduced 10 minutes before.
The band performed ''Special.'' After the song Howard said she can sing her ass off this early in the morning. Howard said Lizzo's going to be on Saturday Night Live again soon. Howard asked if she's being flown private or on commercial. Lizzo said she likes flying commercial. She said that she likes being conscious about the earth and all of that. She said that a private jet is fine. Lizzo said she has flown commercial because she can. She said if she had to get on a PJ she would.
Howard gave Lizzo some plugs for her album ''Special'' that's up for a bunch of Grammys. Howard said this guy Mike who is in her documentary is her love interest. Howard asked where they stand right now. Lizzo said don't waste your time. She said she is very much in love with Mike. Howard said it seems like they were on again off again a lot. Lizzo said they were friends with feelings in the past. She said that she used to put her defenses up so a relationship wouldn't occur. She said that if it was meant to be then it comes back to you. She said they both let it go and then they came together when the time was right. She said this is official now.
Howard said he watched Lizzo talking to the medium guy and she believed him so much. Lizzo said that guy genuinely was goofing and gagging her. She said that he was telling her things about her mother that she was trying to do. She said there were things that he knew that you can't even find on the internet. She said that she will tell you this. She said she does fully subscribe to Mediumship. She said she has had wild revelations with mediums. Howard told her to be careful. Lizzo said she has only dealt with three. She said there were two others and one of them called her on like June 2019 and she congratulated her on getting a Grammy. She said she was up against another artist and she didn't know who it was other than the letter B. She said she did win one against Billie the following January. She said she has had things like that happen to her before.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Lizzo before ending the show. Robin told her how great she is too. She spent a couple of minutes talking about how great she is and how much she has changed fashion. Howard wrapped up the show around 11:05am.
Howard said he was listening to their annual hate list. He said he always says he hates things and the guys compile it into a list. He said he sounds so negative. He said it turns out he hates a lot. Howard played the clip and the list of things he hates is very long. It went on for a good minute or more.
Howard said he did not buy anal beads like he said in that clip. He said he hates writing teams. He said he hates a lot of that stuff. He said maybe it's because he never had a brother but he hates writing team brothers. He said he is very specific in his hate. He said he stands by all of that. He said he hates sprinkles. He said he really does. He said ice cream is what you put sprinkles on. He said he hates people who have to put something on ice cream. He said you don't need that. He asked if you really need that. Howard said you must be buying shitty ice cream if you're buying sprinkles.
Howard said you may not know it but Sal's father invented sprinkles. He said he had his annual physical and his blood sugar was high. He said now he has to wear a patch on his arm so they can figure out what it is he's eating that's jacking up his blood sugar. He said he doesn't eat anything that would do that. He said he doesn't eat any sugar. Robin said bread and pasta are simple sugars. Howard said he doesn't eat any of that. He said he eats a Mediterranean diet. He said that's not going to make your blood sugar go up.
Howard said he only eats a small amount of nuts when he eats nuts. He said they have to fit into his hand. He said it's just one handful of cashews and one of pistachios. He said he has yogurt and like 10 blueberries. He said that's it. Robin said that lactose is a sugar. She said that's what's in dairy. Howard said he gives up. He said imagine that granola was too much fun. He said he has two Metamucil crackers too. He said he has to eat them so he shit properly. Robin said that shouldn't be a problem.
Howard said he has a very small lunch when he eats. He said that it's not much. He said it's absolutely insane. He said that he's done going to doctors. He said they make him cuckoo. He said he has to chill out and relax. He said he has a job. He said most guys his age are retired. He said he should be on vacation. Robin said that's not true anymore. She said regular people are working longer and longer. Howard said he doesn't get it. He said he's stressed out by everything.
Howard said the guys put together a love list too. He said he has a 2022 love list. He played the clip where Howard talked about the things he loves. Robin said he said he loves having feet. Howard said he really does. He said his buddy Pat thanks god that he has feet. Howard said they do allow you to walk so that's something to be thankful for. He said all of his friends talk to their feet.
Howard said he wants to say that he hated 77 things but he loved a whopping 287 things. He said that's a good thing. He said he loved the ending to White Lotus. Robin said she heard it was good.
Howard said he likes a streaming service that gives him shows right away. Robin said that's going to go away. Howard said that's too bad. He said that's what he loves about Netflix.
Howard said that he knows when he dies there's going to be nothing. He said before he was born he doesn't remember being anywhere. He said he knows there's nothing after. He said that he loves not being dead. He said he loves life. He said he loves learning new things. He said he loves being with his wife and kids and eating. He said he loves music. He said the problem he has with life is when he goes to a dark place. He said if he could eliminate that he'd be great. He said he does not know why that is. Robin said maybe it has something to do with him hating so much. Howard said he has to get more comfortable with his hate. He said that's what his therapist told him. He said he's just confused about it all.
Howard said he has a couple of things. He said he's nervous because his wife told him last night she's going out to lunch with a friend today. He said he's still locked up in the house but she's going out. He said he asked where she's going. He said she's going to eat indoors and all of that. He said they're both being tested but they're going to be in a restaurant. He said that he gets no say in it. He said all he knows is that he doesn't know. He said she sprung that on him last night. He said that COVID cases are up around the country. He said people are in the hospital for it. Robin said she's going to a restaurant. She said he's reading about hospitals but not about how many people caught it in a restaurant.
Howard said people aren't doing well with it. Robin said people are not taking precautions. Howard said his wife is going to lunch and he gets no say in it. He said how about have the friend there for lunch. Robin said she went out and she was almost in a closet in the place. She said they were protected from everyone. Howard said he wishes his wife was going there.
Howard asked Robin to help him out and talk to Beth about going out. Robin said she's not going to do that but she will talk to her about distancing. Howard said he's asking her to come down. He texted her.
Howard said Beth has her phone on her all the time and she always texts people right back. He said she's not getting back to him. She texted a few seconds later asking if she can get dressed. Howard said just come down because she looks great all the time. He said she just needs sweat pants on.
Howard said their cat Mushu was dragging her ass along the carpet. He said Beth asked him to get the shit out of her ass. He said he knows it turns Beth on so he did it for her. He said it turns her on that he will do that stuff. He said he was sitting there with the cat on the couch and he got her relaxed. He said he took a look for the shit and he saw it was pretty clean in there. He said he was brushing her ass and he pulled out a little bit of something. He said he kept going though. He said he kept brushing and then he hit a jackpot. He said he pulled out a big dingleberry. He said it was all caught up in her fur. He said he called Beth over to see. He said she saw it and she was like ''Wow! You did a great job!'' He said he really did. He said that turned her on that he did that.
Howard said it was like a half inch around. He said it was a decent sized thing. He said it turned his wife on. He said she likes that he maintains the cat.
Beth showed up so Howard told her he was just talking about the doody. Beth said hi to Robin. She said she was so proud of Howard with the doody. Beth asked not to be on camera. Howard said shame on you. He said a lot of people would give their left arm to look like her. He said that if he looked like her he'd be so fucking happy. He said if he was a male version of her he'd be so happy. Beth said tell everyone what happened 18 years ago. Howard said they took his youngest daughter out to some island. He said that it was a resort somewhere. He said he doesn't like traveling to cities and stuff. He said he likes to be in a controlled environment. He said he wants to be in a pool. He said it can be anywhere. He said that he wants food that's like American food.
Beth said she was getting her hair braided at the time. Howard said she was appropriating the local culture. He said his daughter was a little girl at the time. He said they were both getting it done. Beth said the woman wasn't paying attention to her braids. She said the woman was paying attention to Howard. She asked if that's some super model. She thought he was a model. Howard said he herd that and wondered if his daughter heard that. Howard said he was in good shape back then. He said he was running and things like that. He said the woman wasn't bullshitting. He said he thought she must be high.
Howard said Beth odes this thing where he gets no say in things. He said he wasn't able to sleep last night. He said she announced she's going to lunch today. He said that going to lunch indoors is a new thing. He said they've been safe. Beth let out a sigh. Howard said she usually sits outside. Beth said she'll sit out today even though it's 20 out. Beth asked if she's canceling the lunch. Howard said no but he gets no say in it. Beth said she's working tomorrow on set too. She asked if they should quarantine from each other for a few days. Howard said it was nice knowing Robin. He said that she was so upset about this. Robin said oh my god. Robin said all she would say is that when she goes out she sits away from other people and makes sure it's a place where they still wear masks.
Beth said she asked if it will be crowded. She said that she told her the place is empty and it's off season so it's going to just be them. Beth said it's not going to be crowded.
Howard said American's 65 and older are 90 percent of COVID deaths now. He said that's why he's worried. Beth said she's going to cancel. She said he didn't have to bring this up on air. Howard said he has to because she won't listen to him off the air. He said he's afraid to talk to her.
Beth asked how he feels about her working tomorrow. Howard said they're taking precautions there. Howard said the restaurant doesn't care.
Howard took a call from a fake worker from the restaurant who was coughing and saying they're packed there today. Beth said she won't go today because Howard is going to be miserable for days. Howard said he'll take a chance. He said he thinks she should go. Beth said how about she goes to her house and sits having tea. Howard said that sounds good. Beth said she'll do that instead. She said she'll tell her that Howard brought her on air this morning and they'll do the test and all of that. She said she'll just have tea. Howard said that's all she eats anyway.
Howard said she doesn't eat. Beth said she had a lot to eat yesterday. Howard said she did. He said it was all sweets.
Beth said she's so mad at Howard. Howard said he was freaking out yesterday. He said he wasn't sleeping. Beth said he's ridiculous. Howard said that's a major thing for them.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said that they should do it at their house. He said they have a big house so just have the friend over and let Howard play with the cats. Howard said Erik is making a lot of sense. Erik said Howard will play with the cats.
Howard said he has to give Erik a lecture again. He said he's being stupid. He said he's writing Beth emails about getting another cat. Howard said he doesn't want Erik getting a cat or he'll throw him off the show. He said he isn't responsible. He said if you want to go pet cats do it at a pet store or a shelter. He said he's a slob and he doesn't take care of his pets. He said that his dog jumped out the window and committed suicide. He said that he can't get a pet. He said don't do it. Erik said he won't get one.
Howard let Erik go and took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who had a cold. She said that this time she's with Beth. She said no matter what they do they have to be careful but they have to live. She said look at Howard's blood sugar being high. Howard said he an Beth haven't been sick for 3 years. He said they are health. Robin said they are not. She said that this RSV thing has come about because people were locked up and distancing and now people have very little immunity to fight off other things. Howard said now that's another reason not to go out. Robin said you have to expose yourself. Mariann said that she goes to places she knows and she still got a cold. Howard said she has COVID. He said she runs around.
Mariann said she got one of Beth's necklaces. She said if they're still available she has to say where. Howard said Beth designed these things and they sold out. He said they're really nice. Howard had to hang up on Mariann when she started yelling. Howard said they sold out in like a day.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she went out on a business trip and got COVID. She told Beth not to go out. She said it's just awful. She said everyone is out. Howard said the flu is killing people too. He said it's the worst flu season in a long time.
Howard took a call from a guy who told a story about getting COVID and he can't get rid of this cough. He said it's just horrible. He said he wasn't able to sleep. He said Howard is the best. He said he can't get sick. Howard said he has to tell his wife that. He said she has no idea who she's living with.
Howard said he doesn't know what to say. He said he doesn't want to stifle her. He said he loves her. Beth said she's going to write to her friend and figure it out. Howard said they've lost a lot of friends over this. He said they're sick of it. Howard said they have each other though. He said that's all he needs.
Howard said he'd rather get COVID than make her upset. Beth said that's not true. Howard said it is.
Howard took a call from the grim reaper who told Beth to come out and play. Beth said she's not having a good morning. Howard asked if the rabbit shit all over. Beth said not at all. She said they have another rabbit. She said this sunny bunny pooped everywhere. She said she walked in and the floor was covered in poop. She said the had her spayed and she pooped the other night and there were only two small ones. She said she thinks she's ready for adoption now. She said go on her Instagram.
Howard said they have Jessica rabbit who is theirs full time. Howard said you have to stop breeding rabbits as pets. He said they require work. He said they get them for the holidays and they're very destructive. Beth said they end up in shelters after people give up on them.
Howard said if you get a rabbit spayed they will stop shitting all over. He said they do it to attract other rabbits. He said if you'd like a rabbit then check out Beth's Instagram. He said that she's not around too many other animals. Beth said this one has been on her own and she's doing well. She said she's ready for adoption now. She said that she'd like her not to be in a cage. She said that she'd need a pen and a nice area to live in. She said that people put them in cages and you can't do that. She said they have Jessica run around the house. She said that they should not be in cages.
Howard said he has one guy on the phone who says she should go out to eat. Howard said he just doesn't want to be a buzz kill. He said people think he's nuts but he's not. Robin said she hasn't had COVID. She said she has gone out. Howard said he knows. Beth said Robin is tiny. Howard asked when she ate something. Robin said she ate yesterday. Howard said she said she's not eating. Robin said she's eating one meal a day like Beth.
Howard asked how much Robin lost. Robin said on the order of 50 pounds. Howard said he heard she's tiny. Beth had her stand up. She sounded shocked by how small she's gotten.
Howard asked if Beth has anything else to say. Beth said happy holidays to everyone. She said adopt, don't shop. She said don't get a pet unless everyone knows the responsibility. She said that dogs live up to 15 years and cats can live 22 so be ready for the commitment. She said you can find pure breeds in shelters too. She said she has a beautiful Persian right now. She said if you're going to go that route then find a responsible breeder. She said don't go to pet stores.
Howard asked if Beth's friend who visits once a month is gone. Beth said she is. She said that Howard is just thinking about sex while she's talking about pets. Howard said he'll be on top of her in no time.
Howard said don't leave your house. He said stay home like him. He let Beth go after that.
Howard said he has another thing he's excited about. He said that it could turn out to be nothing. He said that they're going to announce something about nuclear fusion. He said he's not sure how any of this stuff works. He said he's like a caveman. Robin said even water in a dam can create electricity. Howard said he understands that. He said he's done after that easy part. He said he's not sure how water gets into his light bulb. Robin said she doesn't either. Howard said he's sure the Saudis don't know either. He said they just sell the oil.
Howard said what they're claiming is that nuclear fusion is going to be cheap and renewable.
Howard said Doc Oc from Spider-Man was talking about nuclear fusion. He said that's what got him excited. He played a clip from a Spider-Man movie where he was talking about having the power of the sun in the palm of his hand. He said that every time you see the reports about this it just goes away. Robin said it's going to take a long time to get to you because it's going to be hard to make it happen. Robin said it's going to have to be a conversion to this way of doing it and it's going to require infrastructure. Robin said that they have to get busy on figuring that out now.
Howard said this woman must be hot. The caller said she is. Howard said he'd tell her that he's a good guy and he can't do that to the kids. He said she'll hang in there. The caller said that he has said that and she thinks he's having a hard time letting go. He said he doesn't want someone else coming in and raising the kids. Howard asked what the girlfriend looks like. The caller said she's like a 9. Robin said she loves guys. She said they can be in love with someone and still give them a number.
Howard asked what this girlfriend looks like. The caller said she's a mix of Iranian and Polish. Howard said he didn't know that was even a thing. The caller said that they have an amazing relationship but they argue about the kids constantly.
Howard told the caller to hang in there. He said the woman should know that things get easier with kids as time goes by.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Andrew Dice Clay. He asked about the girlfriend and if she does things for him and if she does then dump those kids. Howard spent a minute talking to Fake Dice about that and being a dad himself.
Howard let Dice go and did a live commercial read before going to break.
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Howard came back and talked up the song like a WNBC DJ. He said he loves these guys. He said he herd the Yucko bit. He said he wants to give an update on his career. Howard said he has to play something for Robin. He said that he should get to Yucko first. He said he wants a plug for his show. He said that Yucko was down and out but he got into the world of cartoons and he has three seasons of this Paradise PD show under his belt.
Howard took the call from Yucko (Roger Black) who said that they're doing their final season of Paradise PD and it's coming out on Friday. Howard said Yucko doesn't call in unless he needs something like a plug. He said he's very honest about it. He said that he's 50 and still single so he still has that loser quality. Yucko was laughing. Howard asked when he last got laid. Yucko said that Trump was still in office. Howard said that's probably a lie. He said he hasn't gotten laid in a while. Yucko said it could have been back when Clinton was in office.
Howard said Netflix doesn't have a lot of seasons of anything. He said they're on to the next thing over there. Robin asked what that means for him. Howard said he has no job and he's fucked. Yucko said it's feast or famine. He said who knows. Howard asked if he's working on another series. Yucko said he has a writing partner. He said that Waco is like a brother to him. He said they're developing things. He said they're trying to figure out the next step.
Howard asked what this show is about. Yucko said that all 10 of the shows will drop at once. He said Howard likes that. He said it's about a small town police department that are fuck ups. He said they have a drug sniffing dog who is a drug addict and things like that. He said it's a bunch of fucked up cops.
Howard said he keeps tabs on Yucko. He said he's a funny guy. He said he heard he gained a lot of weight after his father died. Yucko said he did. He said his father died last May. He said that he has a lot of fat on him now. He said he can't fit into his clown costume now. Howard asked what he weighs now. Yucko said last time he was 225 and now he's like 229. He said he tried to lose weight but he can't. Howard said the guy is only like 5'4'' too. He said he's not a tall guy.
Sal said that Yucko never had much luck with stand up. He said he did a show one night with Yucko at Caroline's. He said that he had a bit called Black Magic. He said he would pull a black dildo out of a bucket of KFC. He said this night he tried to pull the black dildo out and it wasn't in the bucket. He said he thought that he had stolen it. Sal said the dildo had rolled out of the bucket and rolled under the stage. He said everyone was booing him. He said he yelled at him asking where his fucking dildo was. He said it was under the stage.
Howard said Yucko must be glad he doesn't have to do that shtick anymore. Yucko said he is. Howard said he wasn't lighting the world on fire with that bit.
Howard said Yucko is making a good living now. Yucko said he is. He said he's loving it. Howard asked what the other story was about him. Robin asked if this is the only project they had. Yucko said they had another show called Farzar on Netflix too.
Howard said he heard that Ronnie blew him off in Vegas. Yucko said he did. He said that they were going to try to see him but Ronnie said that he would get some girls lined up for them but they didn't get to see Ronnie. He said Ronnie didn't want to hang. Howard said Ronnie has way more famous friends than them.
Ronnie said the guy called him at the last minute. He said it was the day before they were coming in. He said that Waco contacted him and said they wanted to hang out. He said he already had plans. He said he couldn't do it. He said he'd make a call to set them up at the strip club. He said he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.
Howard said Ronnie was on their show. Ronnie said he still gets residual checks from that. He said he doesn't care. Howard asked how much he gets. Ronnie said it's like 19 cents. Ronnie said Yucko has been a fat fuck for a while now. He said he did his show like 4 years ago and he was fat then.
Yucko said they went into an escape room instead of a strip club in Vegas. He said he's a big dork. Howard said he heard he got COVID out there in Vegas. Yucko said he did. He said he had to spend Thanksgiving in his room.
Howard asked Yucko if he's on a dating app or anything. Yucko said no but he's on a dining app.
Sal asked if his father is in his ass and that's why he's so fat. Howard said when Yucko's father died he must have eaten him. Yucko said he Dahmer'd him.
Howard said Yucko has to start moving around more. He said he's just sitting. Yucko said they write on the weekends too. He said he has to hit the weights and hit the gym. Howard asked if he has to draw the cartoons and stuff too. Yucko said they have directors and board artists who do that. He said they have the scripts and then they do the audio recordings and then they have this animatic created and that's in black and white and they punch that up. Hard said he got involved in that world of cartoons. He said they wrote scripts for that but he was never happy with the end result. He said he didn't like the way it looked. He said he's sure it's better now but it wasn't good back then. He said he wanted them to get real people to draw it. He said it cost like a million an episode. Yucko said they don't do paper anymore. He said they do it all on computer. He said they draw one panel and then another and it's done on computer but it mimics traditional animation.
Howard said he never was able to get the script funny enough for his show. He said he was hung up on his real life and it didn't work out.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Dr. Now from My 600 Pound Life. Dr. Now was telling Yucko that he should be on My 600 Pound Life. He said he'll be a star on his show. He said they'll do a whole season around him. Howard asked if he has any advice for Yucko. Dr. Now told him to get out of the clown car and start walking.
Howard asked what Yucko's problem is. Dr. Now said he's looking to have success. He said he hopes he has success but he's very big. Howard asked if he's up for any surgery. Dr. Now said he has to stop smashing pie in people's faces. He said he's eating them all instead of throwing them. He said he would do weight loss surgery on him if he agrees to lose some weight on his own.
Howard let Dr. Now talk to Yucko for a bit and had everyone cracking up. Yucko asked when he gets a fucking show. Howard gave Yucko a plug for Paradise PD which is out on Friday. Howard said its out now but the new season is out Friday. Howard let Yucko go and moved on after that.
Howard said Sal made a mould of his penis for Ronnie to stick in his ass. He said Sal still goes down and admires that mould. Sal said he just sees it once in a while. He said that every time he's on the show he has a penis that looks like it should be exterminated. He said that this thing is erect and it's beautiful. He said he's proud of it. He said it looks nice so that's why he likes it.
Howard said he thinks that Benjy should give it back to Sal. He said that Benjy was asking what he wanted to do with it. Benjy got on and said that he buried it. Howard asked what he did with it. Benjy said he buried it in a secret location. Sal said he doesn't want it covered in dirt. Benjy said it's in a box. He said he doesn't want to say where it is. Sal said he doesn't want to go through all of that work. He said that if it's buried just leave it there.
Howard asked if Benjy is looking for another therapist. He said he heard he is. Benjy said he is. He said he has been through 3 or 4 in the past couple of years. Howard said he's been with the same guy for 25 years. He said that's wild to him. Benjy said he has been going to this guy for 8 months or so. He said he was thinking about trying someone else. Howard said he should stick with the same guy. He said one of his problems is that he can't commit. He asked what the therapist said to him when he said he wants to quit. Benjy said he hasn't brought it up yet.
Howard asked what's going on with this guy. Benjy said that his therapist doesn't seem that happy. He said he has told him that too. He said they don't discuss it a lot but they do talk about it. Howard said he would tell his therapist and he would tell him that he's looking for more. He said you learn from that. Robin said it sounds like he's not learning from this. Benjy said he just tells him how he's perceiving it. He said it's good to be open about things in therapy. Robin said yeah, about yourself.
Howard asked Jon Blitt what's going on. Jon said that they've had endless conversations over the years. He said it sounds like he's not getting the answers from his therapists. He said he will close down when he gets information from the therapists. Benjy said this is all made up. The two of them argued over that. Blitt said he thinks that Benjy stops doing things that he says he wants to and he never follows through.
Howard said he heard that Blitt doesn't want to write with Benjy anymore. Blitt said that he wanted to do a bit with him where they went out and ask people who has a nicer voice on the streets. He said that Benjy made it too complicated. Benjy said that Blitt has a great body and the contest was about the voice. He said he wanted to be just judged on voices. He said he wanted to cover up their bodies. He said he wanted to do that or do it on the phones. Howard asked if it's the crazy leading the crazy at this point. Blitt said it's a simple bit and it got too complicated.
Howard said he found that Benjy complicates everything. He said that's just who he is. Benjy said it was about voice and he wanted to cover up the bodies. Benjy and Jon went at it arguing about the bit. Howard told them to just work it out on their own. Howard said Blitt wins so they can end it there.
Howard cut them off and played a song parody about Benjy. He told the guys to work things out on their own.
Howard said he's been studying about how to be a good host. He said he's very busy working on that.
Howard said Wendy has been calling into the show for 20 years now. He said that almost every time they talk to her she asks for money. He said she really ramps it up around the holidays. He said she needs scratch off tickets and Xbox stuff. He said they'll have fun with Wendy tomorrow but they did a social experiment with her. He said they asked if she would be willing to give up money to help a sick child. He said they had Santa call her to ask if she would be willing to give up that money for a terminally ill child named Timmy.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks will happen. He asked if Wendy will be generous. Robin said no. She said she thinks that Wendy thinks she deserves whatever money she gets and Timmy can hit on someone else.
Howard played the clip where Santa called Wendy. Sal was playing Santa. He asked what she wants for Christmas and Wendy said money. Santa told her that he has a sick boy who could use that gift too. He had little Timmy on with him. He told her what's wrong with him and he had a bunch of issues. Howard said the kid lives in a fish tank and he's a mess. He said it's clear he's not doing well. He was riddled with disease. Howard asked Robin if she wants to change her answer. Robin said she will still say Wendy will be greedy. Howard said he'll allow her to change her answer as this goes along.
Howard played a clip where Timmy and Wendy pleaded their cases for why they need the money. Wend said she needs a new PC so she can do stuff for Howard. Timmy said he needs a PC but his PC stands for Pancreas. Wendy said that she has a lot of things to buy with her money. She wanted to get some pizza.
Howard said that Santa was ready to make his decision. He played a clip and Santa said he's going to give the money to Timmy. Wendy got pissed about that. She said that's fuckin' bullshit. She started calling Timmy names and then Timmy died. Wendy said yes and she gets the money so she feels great about that. Santa asked her to donate it to his family or something like that and Wendy said no.
Robin said that Wendy is completely self centered and she thinks people don't have needs. Howard said they told Wendy that the EMTs were there and they need the money to keep him alive. Howard asked if that changed her mind. Robin said no way. Howard played the clip and Wendy said she wants to keep the money. She said that they should unplug Timmy and give it to her. Wendy said that Timmy will be in a better place if he dies. Wendy told Santa to pull that god damn plug. Santa did it and killed Timmy again. Wendy said he's in a better place now. Howard said nothing can change her.
Howard said the even tried this. He said they brought in fake Wendy who was Nice Wendy and she tried to get her to change her mind. Howard played the clip and fake Wendy shows up asking real Wendy to change her mind. Nice Wendy did her best to change mean Wendy's mind on this. Real Wendy told the imposter Wendy to shut the fuck up. She called her a little cunt and told her to shut the fuck up.
Howard said that reminded him of the last Spider-Man when they had different dimensions. Robin said it doesn't matter and Wendy didn't change her mind. Howard said at the last minute Santa gave the money to nice Wendy. Mean Wendy said she'll knock her ass out. She called her a fucking whore. Nice Wendy used the money to save Timmy. Santa said it's a Christmas miracle.
Howard said what an end. He said there you go. Robin said when Wendy watches a movie she must root for the bad guys. Howard said that was like a slow three act play. He said there you have it. He said that was nice. Robin said it was interesting to look into the psyche of Wendy the Slow Adult. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said there's a little bit of Sponge for you. He said the lead singer is Vinnie Dombroski. He said the volume is of on this song. He said Vinnie wrote this song in about 10 minutes. He said he's not sure how that happens. He said that he recorded it that night and it was just in a couple of minutes. He said he has no idea what he's talking about in the song but it's awesome. He said he has read the explanation but he doesn't know what it means.
Howard read about what the song is about and he has no idea if that's true or not. Robin and Howard spent a minute talking about that.
Howard said he always throws his dirty underwear on the floor so he can throw it in the washing machine. He said he doesn't want her to have to touch it. He said he doesn't have an explanation for it but he hates putting his laundry in the laundry. He said he wears a vest and a scarf when he goes out and he carries his wife's Epipen too. He said that he hates undressing when he comes back. He said he wants to throw up when he does it. He said there are things he hates and he's not sure why. Robin asked what he ties to that. Howard said it's just taking off things and putting them away. He said he hates the whole process. He said he doesn't like taking care of himself.
Robin said that he has infantalized himself. He said he doesn't even want to undress. Howard said he really doesn't. He said he hates it. He said his mom could be up and walking around but she sits in that bed all day. He said they put her to bed there and they swaddle her up like a baby. He said she loves it because she never had a mother. He said she could get up and walk around but she won't do it. He said she's fine but she won't do it.
Howard said his mother says she has no idea what to do with her money and he has to handle it all for her. He said she claims she never had to handle that money. He said he has to figure it all out for her. He said she can't go to the bank.
Howard said he wants people to take care of him but he admits it. Robin said she wants to be left alone too. Howard said he's supposed to be thinking about radio and not this stuff. He said he's an entertainer. He said all the things you have to do to stay alive he wants left out of his life. He said he wants to be hooked up to a tube and left alone.
Howard said he won't even get into it with Robin about what he's upset about. He said he's not sure she wants to talk about that on the air. Robin said she doesn't. Howard said she's doing all the wrong things. Howard said do him a favor. He said he'd like her to open her gift today so she doesn't wait until after. He said that she's taking too much risk for someone in her condition. He said he told her captain there to give the gift to her early. He said she may not be alive to see it later. Robin said she wont have to answer all of these questions then. Howard said she's a piece of work. He said go have a fun time.
Robin said that people will ask her if Howard has heard about this thing she's doing and they ask how he responded. Howard said he will tell her doctor about what she's up to. Robin said she told him and he said it was okay. Howard said everyone is an expert. Robin said that she has to go live her life. Howard said she has responsibilities. Howard said we'll see about that. Robin said she will be there when it's time to be there. Howard said he's like Robin's father but less pervy.
Robin said she doesn't' feel sorry for people who died or people who died doing something they love. Howard said when his dad died he felt bad for him. He said he liked being alive and doing his thing. He said he'd be happy doing that for another hundred years. Robin said that was the life of an insect just eating and sleeping and watching TV. Howard said that's not an insect. Ralph said just comparing your activities to death isn't good. Howard told Ralph to leave Robin alone.
Ralph said that Tom Brady isn't banging that chick they were talking about earlier. Howard asked who he should be fucking. Ralph said he needs a hot regular girl. He said this girl is trouble. Howard asked who he should date because he needs a famous girl. He said that's what Tom likes. Ralph said he thinks he could date Olivia Rodrigo. Howard said he should do something like what George Clooney did and find someone who is very accomplished. Howard said the person who would be great for Tom is Gayle King. Ralph laughed. Howard asked what you think of that. Robin said stop it. Howard said she's friends with Oprah and she's very accomplished. Howard said Tom should date George Clooney's wife.
Ralph said he'll find someone in Tampa over the holidays and bring her over to the stadium.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks Tom is fucking. Ralph said that based on the way he's playing he must be fucking. He said he's forgetting how to play. Howard said he's going to try to get Tom on the show and find out. He said he's sure that he has fucked since he broke up with Gisele. He said that he thinks it's a new girl. He said he's going to ask Gary to call him and ask just the one question. He said they won't ask any names. Robin said if he can't say no then he has to say yes.
Howard said he will just ask the one question. Robin said he's going to say he won't talk about it. Howard said he will even throw in a dating game for Tom. He said he'll get him some great girls. Ralph said that would be great. Howard said he thinks he'll win if he finds out that Tom is dating. He said he'll win the 100 bucks from Ralph and give it to Tom. Ralph said he thinks the guy is so committed to the game that he let his marriage fall apart and he's not dating. Howard said he takes radio just as seriously as Tom takes football. He said he's not going to stop fucking.
Robin said she didn't see Howard for a while. She said that he was so busy. Ralph said he wasn't able to keep up with Howard. He said he was out at 9 in the morning on a Saturday. Ralph said he was on a mission back then. He said he was taking dating as seriously as he takes painting now.
Howard said he thinks that Tom is fucking. He said Bill Clinton was a great president. He said he would make him president forever if he could. He said that he was into the job. He said he was great. He said even he found time for extra pussy. Robin said he did it in the office. Howard said if you think Tom is such a better man than Clinton you're out of your mind.
Howard said he thinks Tom is cumming on someone's ass right now. He said he'd bet on that. Robin said every biography you hear about JFK is that he had this disease and he was on pain killers but even he found time for women. She said he had a bevy of beauties at the pool every day.
Ralph said that sports guys are different. He said the pent up rage they have from not having sex... Howard said he doesn't want to talk about this anymore. He said he wants Gary on this. He said he has to ask just that one question. He said he just wants the truth. That led to Howard singing ''Gimme Some Truth'' and then Fred playing the John Lennon song. Howard said that mother fucker who killed John Lennon. He let the song play for a short time. He asked God to give that guy cancer right now. He said take it from Robin and give it to that motherfucker.
Jason did a High Pitch Erik impression for Howard. Howard said it's not bad. He said no one needs that though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he started the conversation about him belonging in the rock and roll hall of fame. He said that Lizzo interview was great. He said he's just the best. He said they're fantastic there. Howard said he hasn't heard from the hall of fame yet but he's waiting. The caller, Greg, said that he should come down to Florida for the holidays. He said it's nice and warm down there. Howard said his wife wants to be up there. He said he has no say in anything. He said he's handed every decision to her. He said that she doesn't want to be down there.
Robin said she thought that he was going to be on a plane as soon as it got cold. Howard said Beth said she hates the cold but she won't go to Florida in the cold.
Greg said it's low humidity and it's 70 right now. He said that it's going to e 78 later. He said it was great in Key West last week. Howard told the guy not to rub it in. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said he's spending Christmas in New York. Robin said she doesn't mind that but she wants the cold weather to go away after that. Howard said don't tell anyone but he's a Jew and he doesn't care. He said his kids are coming in to visit and the have their Christmas things going on. He said that you should see what goes on.
Howard said he should have asked Beth earlier why she likes it there at Christmas. Robin said maybe it's the snow.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was getting Botox in his butthole. Howard asked why he would do that. The caller, David, said he is a gay man and he would bleed down there because he was too tight there. He said that he got it done and now it's a whole new world. Howard said why not just lube it up better. David said it's a whole new world. He said it relaxes it down there. Robin said Botox paralyzes the muscles. Howard said David is crazy. He said he wouldn't mess with it down there. He said he just has to work it a little bit down there.
Howard asked how they do it down there. David told him that they put the needle in his asshole. He said it was a quick thing. He said it was one in each side. Howard said he had no idea this was even a thing. Robin said they have that fisting guy who can take a fist up his ass and he has a prolapsed anus.
Howard asked how long it took to find someone to stick their dick in his ass. David said just a week or so. He said that he has to go back to get an evaluation in a couple of months. Howard said imagine you get that done and you're still bleeding back there. He said what a nightmare. He told David to hang in there and wear protection.
Howard said he isn't uptight about being gay or straight. He said that you should never pick on someone over that but he thanks god he doesn't have to take Botox in his ass. He said he's happy about that. He said that his cousin came out gay and he got the shit beaten out of him. He said that he's gone now. He said that Stacy told him that pussy was gross to him.
Howard said people wrote in about the Lizzo interview yesterday. He said people are worked up for the Hollyweird Squares game too. He said some people are worried that there may be vomiting going on if HungerFF shows his ass meat. Howard said he doesn't think they need to see that but then he was thinking they do need to see that. He said HungerFF is an interesting guy so that might be enough. He said it just slides out of his ass so that's even more interesting. He said he's above Mad Dog so that might not be something that Mad Dog wants to see.
Howard said that the fans heard some Sternthology where they played some past Hollyweird Squares clips. He read some feedback about that. Howard played some clips from those past shows. He had Tom Bergeron with Crackhead Bob and Gary the Conqueror.
Howard said that it does get noisy in there. He said that they actually chose the one thing that Gary knew. He said he was born in February so he knows how many days there are. He said his birthday falls on a leap year so he knows.
Howard played a clip of Nikki Glaser and Lenny Dykstra talking on a past Hollyweird Squares show. He said some people wrote in about that show too.
Howard said yesterday he gave some dating advice to a fan. He said some people wrote in about that.
Howard said he got into a discussion about the Harry and Meghan show and people wrote in about that. Howard said he and Beth are both done with the show. He said it's the two of them just whining about their lives. He said you have to go out and find something else to do. He said Harry is sitting at home with that broad and he has to stop. He said he gets that his mother was treated horribly but go do your thing because it's enough already.
Howard said the fans agreed with him about what he said about the show. He read some of the feedback he got about that.
Howard also had some audio of Jon Leiberman talking to a woman about Ronnie's new glasses. She was saying that he has a dated look. Ronnie said he'll take it any way he wants. He said he won't change his look. He said she said that he got a few more points than Gary. Howard said Ronnie is close to 80 now. Ronnie said he's not close to 80. Howard said he's like 75. Ronnie said he's only 73. Howard said he's defending him. He said he's an older guy so of course he looks older.
Howard took a call from Apples who said merry Christmas to Ronnie. Ronnie didn't answer. Apples said he liked the tips he gave. He said that he has a girlfriend. Ronnie said there's no way he has a girlfriend. Apples said he does. He said Chris has pictures. He said she lives in the same town as he does. Ronnie said she lives under a trailer.
Apples said that she tried one of Ronnie's sex tips. He said she thought it was great. Ronnie said he's so full of shit. Apples said she was going down on him and he was happy for just that. He said she tried to stick a finger up his butt and he felt like Benjy. Howard said alright. Ronnie said he knew this guy was full of shit. He said a Real Doll can't stick a finger up your ass.
Bobo called in asking what Ronnie's big announcement is. Ronnie said that Bobo is an asshole. He said he thought they put that to sleep for a while. Robin said he did say it was this week that he was going to do it. Ronnie said that it's a good announcement but he doesn't want to do it today. He said they were supposed to do it tomorrow. He said they had a plan. He said this fucking guy is sending him Christmas houses.
Howard asked what it is. Ronnie said they're getting married this fall. Howard asked why he's so uptight about it. He said it's a nice announcement.
Howard asked when the wedding is. Ronnie said it's in the fall of 2023. He said they're going to have about 150 people there. Bobo asked if it's a destination wedding. Ronnie said it's in Vegas. Howard asked why he's so freaked out by this. He said be a little bit into it and be romantic. Ronnie said he is romantic. He said he does love Stephanie.
Robin asked if he's writing his vows. Ronnie said he's not getting into that right now. Howard played a song that Ronnie and Stephanie sang about sticking fingers in butts.
Howard asked why they were holding off for so long. Ronnie said they were just trying to set things up. He said Stephanie was away and he got a bug up his ass about it and he went to talk about it. He said he wanted to surprise her with it. He said he went and did it without her knowing about it.
Howard asked if he's excited about it at all. He said he knows he puts up a hard exterior. Ronnie said he'd be thrilled to go do it at city Hall and then have a party. He said he's not thrilled about doing the wedding thing in front of people. Howard said he gets it. He said there are going to be people from the show there. He said they're going to bust balls. He said that Stephanie is young and Ronnie is older and it looks kind of funny to see them together. He said he knows he's going to walk down the aisle and all of that. He said someone will yell out something. He asked who he thinks will do it first. Ronnie said someone like Sal or Pearlman. He said its the whole thing with drawing the line with people and all of that.
Howard said Ronnie doesn't want to stand up there and have a traditional wedding. He said he has to do it for his young fiancee. Robin said he has to get into a suit so what's the big deal. Howard said the ball busting is going to be unbelievable.
Howard said Ronnie has been engaged since 2016. He said he's a hard ass. He said he has a hard time even saying he's in love with her. He said he has to do this now. He said it's way out of his comfort zone.
Howard asked Blitt, Sal and Pearlman to come on. He said they have to talk. He said that he has seen Sal do the dumbest shit at weddings. He said it is fun though. Sal said they went to Jason's wedding and they were at the bar. He said Howard asked him to do something stupid. He said he said he did because he came there. He said he was drawing pictures of Gary and his teeth and things in the wedding book. He said he did a bunch of things like that in the book.
Howard asked Sal how many minutes he can last at the wedding before something stupid happens. Sal said 30 seconds. Ronnie said he knows one person he can cross off. Sal said he's going to throw stool softener pills at him instead of rice. He said he'll follow him with a wheelchair in case he falls.
Howard asked if this is the first Mike is hearing about this. Mike said it is. He said he would respect him at his wedding. He said he wouldn't want to piss him off. Ronnie said he's saying that with a smirk on his face.
Howard said he thinks that Ronnie is going to get drunk and start yelling stuff out at the wedding. He said he's worried that he's going to break. He said that he won't get emotional and cry or anything. Ronnie said he'll cry alright. He said they're not going to do a dinner before the wedding. He said they have other things planned.
Howard said Ronnie is going to have a hard time enjoying it because the guys will be goofing all the time. Robin said she thinks he'll get drunk the night before and he may ruin it. Howard asked if Ronnie thinks he could ruin it by going off on the ''wive shits'' and stuff. Ronnie said not at all.
Howard asked what Blitt thinks about this. Blitt said he's happy about it and he may grow a moustache like his so he can tell people he's a lost son. Howard said the guys are going to be ball busting to the end. He said you have to give him a break at the wedding though.
Robin asked where the cut off is with the guest list. Ronnie said they're going to be sending out save the date cards soon. He said hopefully some people won't want to come. Howard said people aren't going to want to miss this.
Howard asked if Jason is out. Ronnie said he's not. He said that Benjy is on the list too. Howard said he's shocked. Ronnie said he's not sure about plus ones though. Howard said Benjy always finds someone interesting to bring. Ronnie said he's not giving him a plus one if he doesn't have a regular girlfriend.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Mike Pearlman. Howard had the two Mikes talk about the wedding with Ronnie.
Howard said he thinks Ronnie's wedding outfit will make him look like Sylvester Stallone in Tulsa Kings. Ronnie said that's it. The guys were giving Ronnie some advice on what to wear.
Howard said he might have to send Mike out there a month early to cover everything as it's happening. Ronnie said no way. Blitt said he can move in with him 24/7 in the guest room. Howard said this wedding is going to stress Ronnie out. Ronnie said he's already stressed out. He said he had to meet with some people over the weekend. He said he met with his friend from Maverick Helicopter who has a chick who is a wedding planner. He said he met with them. He said they were very nice. He said so much shit has to be done.
Howard said stress is not good for the elderly. Ronnie told him to stop it. He said that they're doing their thing and he's just eating his breakfast. He said Stephanie is very excited about it. Howard said he thinks Ronnie likes this. Ronnie said he was trying to watch NYPD Blue and he heard music playing. He said she's planning out the first dance music. Howard asked if he's taking dance lessons. Ronnie said no way.
Howard asked what song it was she was playing. Ronnie said he doesn't remember actually. He said that it's December and she's bothering him already with this shit. He said he didn't like the song she picked. Howard asked if she picked something from his era. Ronnie said it wasn't. He didn't know what it was.
Howard said he has to dance and not just stand there. Ronnie said he's not going to just stand there. Mike asked if he ever goes out and dances. The guys were all giving him advice and talking over each other.
Howard said he knows what's bothering Ronnie. Ronnie said he can do this without dealing with this shit. Howard said everything is good for Ronnie but Stephanie has never been married. He said she wants the party and everything else with the wedding. He said she wants the whole deal. Robin said that's what every girl dreams about. Howard said Ronnie doesn't want that at his age. Ronnie said he didn't have that the first wedding. He said it's not his age.
Howard asked who is marrying them. Ronnie said they have an Elvis. He said they were going to do it at the original Elvis chapel but it only holds 30 people. Howard said this is going to be one tacky wedding. Ronnie said that he's fine with the Elvis thing. He said that's what she wants to do.
Howard asked how long it takes Ronnie to get drunk and start yelling into the microphone. Howard said he's sure it'll happen. Some of the guys didn't think he'd do that at his own wedding. Howard had Fred do his Ronnie puppet thing and had him yelling out at his wedding.
Howard asked how long before Ronnie starts yelling at his own wedding. Mike said 20 minutes. He said he wants to get straight to it. Fred played some audio of Ronnie yelling at some event he was at. Howard said it's going to be the best wedding ever. He said he has to go to this. He said he's leaving the house for this. He said he has to see him walking down the aisle. He said he knows Ronnie will get loaded. He said he'll take off his jacket and he'll be down to a t-shirt. He said he's going to get on the microphone and complain about stuff. He said it's going to be great.
Howard took a call from Ralph and asked if he's invited. Ronnie said he is on the list. Howard asked how he made it on the list. Howard said Ronnie hates his guts. Ralph said he knows he's an asshole. Howard said Ronnie hates him. Ronnie said he doesn't hate him. He said he talks to Ralph. He said they call and text. He said they talk about TV shows and things. He said he's known him for a long time.
Ralph said that Ronnie should be proud and lean into it. He said fuck these guys. He said he'd like to see where they're at at 70. Ronnie said the party part is great. He said its all the other shit that he hates. Ralph said he's there to help him with his wardrobe if he wants his help. Howard told him not to get started with Ralph. He said his suit guy will end up hating Ronnie. Ralph said he knows what he's doing. He said he has dressed people for the Oscars.
Howard asked who they had to cut that he hated to cut. Ronnie said he hasn't cut anyone yet. He said that they haven't gotten to that yet. Howard said he has to have someone on the bubble. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said there are a lot of people behind the scenes that he doesn't know that well. Robin asked about Mike Fox. Ronnie said he's not on the list. He said Fred is. He said he and Fred talk off the air. He said they have emailed and texted.
Howard asked about a bunch of other people and they were on the list. Ronnie asked why they're putting him through this now.
Howard asked Fred to bring the puppet to the wedding. Fred said he'd like to be the best man with the puppet. He said he'd stand there with the puppet and put a black thing over him so it's just the puppet showing. He did his Ronnie voice to demonstrate how that would go.
Howard said he has to go in full on with the vows. He said he has to hear them. Stephanie came in so Howard asked her about what song it was that she played for Ronnie the other day. Stephanie said she's not sure. She said there are a lot of older songs. Howard asked if she would be offended if Ronnie Puppet did the vows instead of Ronnie. Stephanie said she wouldn't be upset about that. She said as long as he doesn't say one or two words she's okay with that.
Howard said he knows its been exhausting to get to this point. He said now it's great and what's going to be weird id trying to get Ronnie to be romantic. Stephanie said he's not in touch with his feelings at all. She said she thinks they'll get to see a side of him that she always gets to see.
Howard said he wants her to get everything in her wedding that she wants. He said she has to do the traditional stuff. He said that they want to see all of it. He said no Elvis please. She asked what's wrong with that. Howard said it makes it kind of like a joke.
Howard said he thinks Ronnie should take dance lessons. Stephanie said maybe they should do that. Howard said he thinks they have to do it just so it looks good. Ronnie said he'd do a choreographed dance.
Howard asked if Ronnie will be shaved for this wedding. Stephanie said she wants to shave Ronnie while he's sleeping. Howard said it's safe to say that she'd want him to get rid of that for the wedding. Stephanie said she would like him clean shaven but she likes the glasses. She said that he can start with the moustache.
Howard said he can't believe they're finally doing this. He asked about the seating at the wedding. Stephanie said they're going to have tables at the wedding for people to sit at. She said most people know each other so they can pick where they sit.
Howard asked what words are okay to say at the wedding. Stephanie said everything but the C-word is okay. She said there may be a 6 year old there at the wedding. Howard said he can't wait to see Ronnie yelling out curse words in front of that kid. He said Ronnie did that at Bubba's wedding. Howard had some audio of Ronnie at his wedding talking about getting rid of these fucking wive shits and fucking some whores. Howard said that's what he's waiting for.
Howard said congrats to them both. He said this is going to be the wedding of the century.
Howard asked what Stephanie thinks the cost will be for the wedding. Stephanie said that they have a budget and they think they can get it done for what their budget is. She said that should be about 50 grand. Howard said Sal could do the Elvis thing. Ralph said they should do traditional and not do the Elvis thing. Howard said there's going to be a lot to talk about after this wedding.
Howard said they can't wait for this wedding. Sal said Ronnie is thrilled. They spent a few more minutes busting Ronnie's balls about the whole thing. He said he's not shaving his moustache.
Howard had more and more guys coming on to comment about the wedding. He had JD come on. He had him talk about what he thinks about the whole thing. Jon Blitt said he's going to have a speech written for the toast.
Howard said he should have fake Mike Pearlman make a speech too. He said JD is definitely making one.
Howard said tomorrow they'll get together and talk more. He said he has to end the show. Ronnie asked who he's going to have on the plane with him. Howard said no one. He said he's going by himself. He said it's unreal that this is happening.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard said credit goes to Rich Gibbons for those songs. He said they had 72 audio tracks in that song. He said it's not easy to do that. He said that big choir has Jeremy Lipkin and Connie Martino is in there too. He went through some other information about the song and how much work was put into it. He said that Rich's computer crashed a few times due to CPU overload. He said that's how hard that was. Howard said he had so many tracks in there that it crashed.
Howard said that he has the singers track a cappella. He played that for Robin. Robin gave it a ''Wow!'' Howard said that's the Howard Stern singers. He said they'll be on tour. Howard interrupted right at the ''mother fucker'' part so Robin told him to be quiet. Howard asked if anyone thinks they'll get a Grammy. He said he does.
Howard said he's very proud of the singers. He said they have such a great choir. He said they have some talented people there.
Howard said they have Steven Singer Jewelers sponsoring the game today. He did a live read for them.
Howard spent a minute with Wendy the Slow Adult and then had Matt Friend who does the Howard Stern voice. Howard said they have Chris Mad Dog Russo there. He spent a minute talking to him. He said he has a lot to talk to him about. He said he was just inducted into the radio hall of fame. He said imagine that. He said what an honor. He said he finally got in. He asked if he cried that night. Russo said he did want Howard to induct him. He said he did get teary eyed. He said when someone says hall of fame it means something to him. He said that it was emotional. He said he brought his family out to Chicago for it. He said he hadn't seen a bunch of family so he had them out there. He said that he did a 17 minute long speech there. He said the event went on very long and it was very tedious.
Howard asked Chris about the night and all of the speakers there. They were all going on and on. Chris said there were 6 people making speeches and it went on for over 3 hours.
Howard said he has explained to him that the hall of fame isn't that important. He said that they can't have that much to say. Chris said it doesn't take long to go on for a half our. He said it can get tedious. Howard said he doesn't get it. He asked what people say. He said he can't imagine what they would have so much to say.
Howard asked Chris what he could have to say. Chris said he's a talker. He said he talked about where he worked and how much Howard Stern meant to him. Howard said this is why he loves the radio hall of fame.
Howard asked Chris to get him audio so he can play some of the speeches. Chris said they're out there. He said a couple of people did their speeches and their tables left after. He said that's a lousy thing to do. He said when someone takes 40 minutes and then they leave it's not cool. Howard said he's right. He said he sat in the audience for Bon Jovi and left. He said he wasn't going to stay for the whole thing. Chris said he's talking about the whole table. He said that's not the right thing.
Howard said he has to ask Tom Brady having a show on his channel and he won't talk about it. Chris said they did a little tribute show for him in October on Sirius. He said they had a lot of people on. He said they did a lot of clips that were 30 seconds from sports people congratulating him. He said one was Brady. He said that no one knows how great he is as much as he does. He said he feels a little softer now for him. Howard asked why they think he hates him so much. Howard asked why he wouldn't have approval for the shows that are on his channel. Chris said he has nothing to do with it. He said he has caught him after all these years. He said the do things that he has no idea about. He said he doesn't promote anyone. He said they want him to use their guys and he uses his own for his show. He said he's not in the management part of the channel.
Howard said he's sort of just a figure head there. Howard said he's powerless. He said he has Tom Brady and he's stuck with him now. He asked if he will promote the show or not. Chris said he's only on Monday's at 6. He said Howard has done a great job with his show and because she did such a great job with Brady and because of Howard he's going to promote the show. He said in the 5-6 o'clock hour he will promote the show.
Howard said don't do it for him. He said he and Robin don't give a shit. He said they love that he doesn't want him on.
Howard said he has to move on to the other squares before everyone falls asleep. Robin said Ike almost fell asleep over there. Howard said everyone wants to know if Chris thinks that Tom Brady is getting laid. Chris said he is a good looking guy and he's a great quarterback. He said he had a wonderful wife. He said his team isn't doing well and he would find it hard to believe if he wasn't having sex in the past 18 weeks.
Howard moved on to the next square which was Howard Stern impersonator Matt Friend. Howard talked to Matt as Howard. His impression was more Alan Alda than Howard Stern but Howard stuck with it. Matt said last night he masturbated to lesbian porn as Howard to get into his impression. Howard said the squares are going wild for him. He asked if he's being recognized for his Howard Stern impression. Matt answered as Howard. He said Ike only smiles at him when he's doing Howard. He said he wont even look at him until he's Howard. He said people yell things at him in the street like Hey now! and Baba Booey. Matt said he went to see Jimmy Kimmel and people were yelling Hey now! at him there.
Robin asked if he's getting laid from that. Matt said he is. He said he has a new cat there and guess what its name is. He named it after the woman Tom Brady is dating.
Howard said he has to tell you that his impression is getting to him. He said he starts to fall not his speech pattern. He said it's fucking him up. He did an impression of Matt's impression and he had Wendy cracking up.
Howard said Matt Friend is the fake Howard Stern and he's sitting next to Chris Russo. He said that's very nice. Howard said he understands he does over 250 impressions. He asked him to do his Andy Cohen impression. Matt took his wig off and did his Andy impression. He did a Jimmy Kimmel impression that even he admitted needs work. Howard said Matt had a bunch of famous people follow him on social media after his appearance on their show. He said Neil Patrick Harris and John Stamos and Jimmy Kimmel have followed him. He said that's impressive.
Howard said he has to move on to the next square which was Ike Barinholtz. Howard said Ike is right there in the right top square. He said Ike is working on the new History of the World series with Mel Brooks. Howard asked if he got to sit there and write with Mel. Ike said he did get to sit on Zoom with him. He said Mel is 96 so he wanted to keep him safe. He said he did get to talk to him a lot. Howard said that's a great thing to get to do. Ike said he is the guy. He said that before him movies weren't really funny. He said the movies he made were so funny that you'd laugh so hard you'd almost soil yourself.
Howard said that Ike is the Executive Producer on those movies. He said that's great. Ike gave Tom Brady a plug for his show on Mad Dog Russo's channel. Howard said he doesn't need to remind everyone that Ike was a coach in the Bobo ultimate question thing. He said that he tried to help Bobo with that. He said he never got to thank him for that. Ike said that did not work out the right way like everything with Bobo. Ike said that Bobo thought that he was Eric Andre after that chat. He said it was very strange. Howard said he remembers that moment. He said it made no sense at all. He said they told him that he was Ike. Howard played a clip from that conversation where Bobo thought he was Eric Andre.
Howard asked Wendy what's wrong with Bobo. He asked if he's just silly. Wendy said he is just silly. Howard said he thinks he might be a slow adult.
Howard asked High Pitch Erik what's wrong with Bobo. Erik said that he's a moron. He said he ruined that surprise yesterday about Ronnie. Howard said right.
Robin said that Ike is working a lot and she thinks that's because they discovered him. Howard said Ike is in the finals of Celebrity Jeopardy. He said he admires that. Ike told Howard about how he's beaten so far in the game. He said that the finals will be against Wil Wheaton and someone else they don't know yet. He said that will happen early in the new year.
Howard said he has to get to the next square which is fake Liza Minelli. Howard thanked her for coming in today. Howard spent a minute talking to her about growing up as Liza and things like that. Howard asked if Wendy thinks Liza is slow too. Wendy was in the middle of drinking Mountain Dew so Howard got back to Liza for a few. Howard said she's the one that he wanted on there the most. Wendy said that she thinks Luigi is her favorite character in Mario Brothers. Howard thanked Liza for being there this morning.
Ike said he went to this tiny Jewish school in Chicago and so did Matt Friend. Howard said he didn't know that. Howard said he thought he was going to say that Kanye West went there.
Howard moved on to the next square which was Wendy the Slow Adult. Howard said everyone knows that she's the center square and she has been with the show for many years. He said that Wendy is taking up every inch of that square. Wendy said that Howard is as lovely as always. Howard said she slept all night in her wheelchair and didn't lay in bed so shed be ready for this. Wendy said that is correct. Howard said Wendy is a big star on the show and he wonders if she is soiled right now. Fake Howard asked if she eats her doody. Wendy said no to that. Howard asked Wendy if she's wearing a diaper and if it's full. She said she is and it is full. She said that it's full of both. She said she had a solid movement in there. Howard said there's no doody seeping down her leg. Wendy said that's right.
Howard asked Wendy if she's going to sit in it all day. Wendy said she'll change after this game. Wendy said she didn't change before because she was getting ready and prepared. She said she didn't want to disappoint Howard. Howard said she slept in her chair all night and her mother was trying to get their microphone set up. He said Wendy yells in her sleep so she's just as big a pain in the ass in her sleep as she is awake. Howard played some audio of her yelling in her sleep. Wolfie and a guy named Charlie were helping her and Wendy was making all kinds of noise as she was dreaming. She sounded awake. Wolfie said he thought she was doing that for them. Her mom said that she was asleep as far as she knows.
Howard asked Wendy if she knew she did that. Wendy said she did not. Howard said he has never heard someone so vocal in their sleep. Wendy said she doesn't even wake herself up. Wendy said she was dreaming about beating up Wolfie with Freddy Krueger in her sleep. She said she's a big fan and she's his boyfriend.
Wendy asked if they can help her get Robert Englund on her channel and Jimmy Kimmel too. Howard said he doesn't know Robert at all but he thinks he can get Jimmy on her channel. He said he doesn't turn down anything. Wendy asked if he can do that for her. She said she'd love to have Jimble Kimble on her show. Howard said he'll see what he can do. He said he heard she had some KFC yesterday before going to sleep. Wendy said she did. Howard said maybe that's why she was having nightmares.
Howard said he has Rooster next to Wendy. He said that he's a fast food expert. Howard said Wendy has a standard meal of 2 Bib Macs, 2 McRibs and 2 Filet-o-fish sandwiches. He said that must be impressive to Rooster. Rooster said it is. Howard said maybe don't eat that kind of stuff. He said maybe just have one of each. Wendy said she has thought about having just 1 but she is so hungry and it's so good that she has to have it. She said she's trying to figure out what's in the ingredients. Robin asked if that's just one meal for the whole day. Wendy said that she has more meals. She has breakfast and dinner. She told Howard about her breakfast and said she has 4 sausages and hot dogs and cheese grits. Howard said he has to tell her that it's a good thing her mother is a wealthy woman. Howard said Wendy thought Robin was crazy for fasting. Wendy said she did.
Howard thanked Wendy for playing today. Wendy said her kitty cat says hi too. Howard said Wendy is drinking coffee, Pepsi and Mountain Dew today.
Howard said they have Rooster next to Wendy. He said he's the fast food expert who calls into the show. He asked how he's doing. Rooster said he's doing fine and he sees Robin and she's looking great doing that fasting. Howard said Rooster looks good next to Wendy. He asked if Wendy is attracted to him at all. Wendy said she is. She even did a rooster sound for him. Howard asked what kind of love she'd make to Rooster. Wendy said you'll have to wait and see.
Howard asked Rooster about calling the show for the first time in March of 2022. He said that he called in about McDonald's. Rooster said he called and he was a truck driver and they used to serve breakfast all times of day. He said the quality in the morning was better than in the other times of day. He said the quality was going down the rest of the day.
Howard said he's on social media and he has a big following. He asked what's going on there. Rooster said he was a corrections officer. He said he became an author and he got on social media to promote the books. He said it took off from there. He said he has 5 books out. He said he had to have someone help him spell stuff but the books are real good books. Howard said he does a character that he does. Rooster told Howard about what he does and how he dresses up like a woman and plays this Granny character. Howard said he would like to see some of this. Rooster said he can do that. He got into his outfit and did his Granny character.
Howard asked the other players what they thought of that character. Everyone was saying they enjoyed it. Howard asked Wendy how he compares to other comedians. Wendy said she likes someone who does cartoons. She said Rooster is close but not quite.
Howard said he has to move on to High Pitch Erik. He said he's the next square. He said he's wearing a Santa cap. Howard spent a minute talking to Erik about his behavior. He said he kept threatening to back out of the game. Erik said he had computer problems. Howard said the guys said he had too many problems and he threatened to quit. He said he's a bigger diva than Liza Minelli. Robin asked if he's being paid for this appearance.
Erik said he is not. He said he has had about 5 cigars in his truck. He said he went to get coffee and he fell asleep. He said he wanted to get something for Christmas. He said he wanted a drone or $500 for Christmas. Howard said buying a drone would be a diaster. He said he's going to fly that thing around and spy on people. He said you know he's going to crash it into someone and maybe kill them. Erik said he'll fly it in the park. Howard asked what he's going to do with it. Erik said he wants to fly it around or maybe get an Oculus to play with other people. Wendy was doing her impressions of various drops while Erik was talking.
Erik said he saw Ike this morning and it changed everything for him. He said now it's between him and Donnie Wahlberg. Howard asked what kind of thoughts he's having about him. Erik said he's a little bit younger than Donnie and he's got beautiful eyes. Ike thanked him for that. Howard said Erik is straight and not gay but he'd blow Ike. Erik said they would blow each other. Ike said ''Whoa, hold on now.'' Howard asked what Erik makes of this if he thinks he's not gay. Erik said he would have a good time with Ike. He said that's all he has to say. Ike said he has a lot to talk to his wife about this morning.
Howard said this is incredible. Robin said that she was asking about being paid because Erik keeps showing the 7-Eleven cup. Erik said he's not being paid. He said he just wanted a gift from Howard for Christmas.
Howard asked Erik if Debbie the Cum Lady is going to be blowing Erik soon. Erik said she did just send him a message. Howard said she blew him for 3 days and nothing happened. Erik said that she wrote to him that she'll be coming to New York and she needs to make him cum. Ike said that's deep. Howard asked Ike if he'd come there and direct Erik in that. Ike said he'll have to check his schedule.
Howard introduced the next square which was fake Kanye West. Howard spent a little time talking to him about his career and his recent controversial comments. Howard asked Mad Dog what he thinks about Kanye. Chris said he's not a fan. Erik said he's not a fan either. Kanye said that he's feeling attacked by this group.
Howard said the next square is the final one and they have HungerFF. Howard said HungerFF is someone that Chris may not know. Chris said he doesn't know who that is. Hunger said he's going to keep his tail between his legs there. Howard said he didn't know what he was going to look like. Robin said he looks amazingly normal. Howard said his ass meat made news on the show. Howard said FF stands for Fist Fucking. He said Hunger likes to have a fist up his ass. Howard asked how many he's had up his ass at once. Hunger said he's had 3.75. He said that it's only been men so far. Erik said he and Ike might be able to do it. Howard asked Erik if he'd like to do that with Ike. Erik said he would like to do that with Ike. Hunger said that things have gotten interesting. Howard said that he'd like to see them do this together. Ike said happy holidays everyone.
Howard said that they met Hunger in 2018 when Wolfie went to a fisting convention. He asked Hunger about what makes him go wild when someone puts a fist up there. Hunger said a good arm up there and a good punch. He said he could go on and on. Howard asked Hunger if he had a guy put his arm in there up to his shoulder. Hunger said he has had a shoulder and an elbow up there at once. Kanye said ''what the fuck bro?''
Howard asked Mad Dog what he thinks about this. Chris said he thinks he needs to put on the Jets Bills game on a Sunday afternoon. Howard played a clip of Hunger taking a fist up his ass. Wolfie was in the room at the time recording the audio.
Howard asked Hunger about his prolapsed anus and how it pops out of his ass. He asked how long it is. Hunger said last time he had it measured it was 16 inches. He said it's grown a bit since then. He said it's completely retractable. He said that he can take it out and put it back in. Howard said he had an anal fissure and it was very painful. He asked Hunger if he's in constant pain. Hunger said he has never had an anal fissure so he doesn't have pain.
Howard said he has an amazing talent to be able to take an arm up his ass. He said he is a hall of famer for sure. Robin asked if bowel movements are easy for him. Hunger said they are. He said he doesn't go to bathrooms in the airport. He said his ass meat can come out and hit the water there.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Fisty Gary who said hello to HungerFF. Gary had a few things to say about that ass meat. Gary had some pick up lines he threw out to him. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said this is the first time ever that Rooster lost his appetite. Rooster said he can only imagine how big his turd box is.
Wendy said she thinks this new Howard Stern is sexy. Howard said that this is interesting. He said that Erik is interested in Ike and Wendy is interested in the new Howard Stern. Rooster said they should put them all in the same hotel room together. Erik said he would have sex with Mad Dog. He said he'd do it on his show. Howard asked Mad Dog what time he goes on today. Chris said he's on at 3. Howard asked Erik what he would do to him on his show. Erik said he would make love sounds to him. Howard asked him to do better than that. Erik said he would finger his asshole. Howard said Mad Dog would have the biggest tune in today if he let Erik just put one finger in there. Erik said they can talk about baseball and more. Chris said he thinks he'll pass. He said he thinks he'll pass on Erik calling the show too. He thanked him for that though.
Wendy said if Howard makes a sequel to Private Parts she wants to be in it. Howard said everyone has to calm down now. He said the squares are out of control. Wendy said she has two men she's in love with. She said she loves Angry Mud and Josh. She said she wants to have their babies. Howard said he feels like he's in Arkham Asylum. Wendy mentioned those two guys again. Howard said he has to get control back again. He said he thought that Wendy was sterilized. Wendy said she wants an Angry Mud and a JoshX baby.
Howard said he meant to ask Wendy about Donald Trump trying to win illegally by stealing the votes. Wendy said she was upset about that but she and her mom did vote for him. She said they're going to vote for him again in 2024. Howard said she's going to overlook some of the things they're learning about Trump and what he was up to. He said they're going to look the other way. Wendy said they are. She said he made our country a lot better and he gave them some checks. She said that Obama was ruining their world. She said that she thought that it was the end of the world when he was in office. Howard asked Wendy if Donald Trump commands the slow adult vote. Wendy said yes.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Wendy. The two Wendy's ended up yelling at each other. Howard tried to get it under control but they were talking over each other with Robin and others getting involved.
Howard asked Mike if he gets a lot of women because of his good looks. Mike said he does okay. Howard said he has a very masculine gun on the wall there. Mike said that's a wooden gun. He said that's why it's on the wall.
Howard said Mike is a Navy guy and he has been deployed to a lot of places. He said he's a real man. Howard thanked him for his service.
Wendy said that Howard looks like a real man too. Howard thanked her for that. Erik said he wants to compliment these two guys too. He said he has a friend who is in the Marines and on Friday he had a stroke. Howard thanked him for that story.
Howard moved on to contestant number 2. He said this is another real man. He said that this is Sean from Arizona. He said he's a military guy too. He said he's a former Army Green Beret. Howard asked if he can kick the Navy guy's ass. Sean said absolutely. Howard said there is a rivalry there. He said the Green Berets are an elite force but then the Navy SEALs started getting credit. He said they get the TV shows and things. He said that they're still out there doing their thing though. Sean said things changed when they went to Afghanistan and Iraq happened. He said these swimmers thought they should go to the desert.
Sean was busting balls with the Navy stuff and Mike asked what the fuck is going on here. Sean was going on and on about how different they are. He said the Navy guys are told they're god's gift to earth and the Green Berets are the ones who get yelled at.
Howard said these two guys are real men. He said just look at them. He said he just hails them and he has to thank them for stepping up and fighting like real men. He said that he can't do anything like they do. He said he lifts 10 pounds and he hurts his neck.
Howard went through the squares and then had Mike pick. Mike went with Wendy first. Howard asked Wendy a question to finish a song he had lyrics to. He had the song Barbie Girl. Howard played the song and had Wendy try to finish the lyric. Wendy said that it was ''Squirty nation.'' Howard asked Mike if he agrees or disagrees. Mike said he disagrees. Howard said he's right. He said he gets the first X on the board. Howard said that the lyric was ''Life is your creation.''
Howard said Sean is next. He had him pick a square. He went with Ike. Howard asked Ike about Tan Mom calling him Ike Bear-holes. Howard asked what place is where a bear hibernates. Ike said he thinks HungerFF's asshole. He said he's joking of course. He said he would have to say it would be a cave. Sean said he's going to disagree. Howard said that's right because it's a den.
Howard said Mike is up next. Mike picked Mad Dog next. Chris said that Sean looks a bit like Roger Federer. The guys agreed. Howard said that they're really good looking guys. Howard asked if it was an easy decision to make going into the military. They didn't get a chance to answer. Howard asked Mad Dog to name the massage parlor that Bob Kraft went to where he was accused of using a prostitute. Mad Dog said Chang's Table. Mike agreed. He was wrong. Howard said he that was not the right answer. He said Mad Dog is a little bluffer. Mike said he's never listening to his show again.
Howard said Sean is up again. Sean went with fake Howard Stern Matt Friend. Howard said if he gets it right he wins the game. Howard asked fake Howard what the real Howard Stern's middle name is. Fake Howard said this is a great question. He said that he'd say his middle name is Alan. Sean said that he agrees with him. Howard said he's right so he wins. Howard said that is his middle name.
Howard said they have one more round coming up but look at that. He said Sean won. He started the next round and Sean went with Wendy. Howard asked Wendy about this line from A Nightmare On Elm Street. He recited the line and Wendy said that the line was ''Lock the door.'' Howard asked Sean what he thinks. Sean said he agrees. The line was actually ''Lock your door'' and Jon Hein said they're going to give it to him.
Howard said that it's Mike's turn now. He went with HungerFF for this one. Howard asked Hunger what the expression is when someone is holding two drinks, one in each hand. Hunger said double fisting. Mike agreed with that. He was right. Howard said they have another X on the board.
Howard said Sean is up next. He said he has to block him. Sean went with Mad Dog. Howard asked Mad Dog how many super bowls Tom Brady has won. Chris said it's 7. Sean said he agrees. He was right.
Howard said that was close. He said it's Mike again. Mike went with fake Kanye. Howard asked Kanye about Hitler writing his book and what the name of that book was. Kanye said that he doesn't read books. He said he just has his dream journal. Howard said just answer the question. Kanye said it's Mein Kampf. Mike agreed and was right again.
Howard said it's Sean's turn. Sean went with fake Howard. Howard asked fake Howard about what kind of porn is Howard Stern's favorite. Fake Howard said that it's babysitter porn. Howard asked if Sean agrees or disagrees. Sean said he disagrees. Howard said he just got one wrong. He said that's what he beats off to regularly. Robin said that's not what Howard has been talking about lately. Howard said he is the real Howard Stern so he knows what he likes. Howard said they would have accepted babysitter or step mom porn.
Howard asked Mike who he's going with. Sean said that Mike just won. Howard said they have to do a tie breaker now. He said they have to go with Mike. He said he thinks he's run out of questions. He said they're good though. Mike went with High Pitch Erik to start. Howard asked Erik to spell Donnie Wahlberg. Howard asked for just Wahlberg and he'll accept that. Howard said he knows he's his favorite of all time. Erik said he knows how to spell. He spelled it ''WAHLBERG.'' Howard asked Mike if he agrees. Mike said he does agree. He got that right.
Howard had Sean pick next. Sean went with HungerFF. Howard asked Hunger who wrote the song titled ''Lick Me In The Ass.'' Mozart, Lucille Bogan or Nicki Minaj. Hunger said Mozart. Howard asked Sean if he agrees. Sean said he disagrees. Howard said he's actually wrong. He said Mozart actually did write a song that translates to Lick Me In the Ass.'' Jon Hein said this is absolutely true.
Howard said they have to give that to Sean. Howard asked Mike what he wants to do now. Mike went to fake Kanye for the win. Howard asked Kanye how many days Jewish people celebrate Hanukkah. Kanye said it's 2 days. mike disagreed. Howard said he's right and he won the game. Howard said Sean fought hard. He said that both of them are winners. He said Mike won the $1,000 Steven Singer prize. Everyone was talking over each other. Howard said he can go enjoy the jewelry there. Howard said Sean has also won $500 from Steven Singer. He said he can enjoy that too.
Howard thanked everyone in the squares and asked if they had any final words. Mad Dog had a few things to thank the guys for. Howard asked Matt if he has any plugs. Matt said it was good to be there. He said it's a dream come true. He said it's like young comedians going on Carson.
Howard asked Ike if he has anything to plug. Ike said congrats to Mike and Sean. He said it was interesting to hear from HungerFF.
Howard said thanks to fake Liza and Wendy. Wend said she's doing a show on her YouTube on Christmas day. She had a list of her friends who will be on the show with her. She said she wanted to give shout outs to a few people.
Howard thanked Rooster for being on. Rooster asked Sean and Mike if they would look for an exit wound if they saw someone was shot. Mike said that he would think so but Sean is the expert there. Sean said you do. Rooster said he had a shooting at his house and he looked for an exit wound. He said he was trying to figure out how to evaluate the situation. Wendy interrupted and said she has a merch store. Howard asked Sean and Mike if they have any advice for when you lose control of your show.
Howard asked High Pitch Erik if he has anything. Erik said congrats to Sean and Mike. Wendy interrupted him and got in more shout outs. Erik said he's on Cameo and he's doing some appearances. Everyone started talking over each other. Howard tired to get control but it was a disaster. He tried to wrap things up but everyone was still throwing out plugs. Howard said goodbye to everyone and had them cut off.
Howard said what an episode. He said what a game. Robin said he really did lose control there at the end. Howard got in a plug for Steven Singer and went to break.
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Howard came back and said that's ZZ top. He said it's one of the greatest bands in the world. He said listen to that guitar. He let the song play for a bit.
Howard said there is a chocolate mousse lyric in that song. He said he remembers seeing their first album. He said that he was blown away by them after thinking the cover didn't look so cool. He said that he put the record on and it was like oh fuck. He said that they got together in the 60s or something. Howard got in another live commercial read after that.
Howard said that High Pitch Erik was totally charged up after the game. He said he came in his pants for Ike. He said he finally came. He said what a show. He said that required a lot of his energy.
Howard said he does the show from his basement and his wife must have hit a button or something because the lights went out. He said he was wandering around in the dark. He said he had to use his phone flashlight. He said he did need a break after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was calling from England. She wasn't there right away so Howard let her go. He said it was weird the way she was saying hello. It was kind of cutting out. They played a 'shitty call' song parody.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was a fantastic game. Robin said a lot of people enjoyed that game. She said it's fun to watch. Howard said he hopes they have it up on the app soon. He said the visual is fantastic. He said its not easy to do but they had everyone up there. He said it was spectacular.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said that he was touching his cock under the table after seeing Ike. He said he wet his pants from that. Howard said this is good information. He said this pulls the curtain back. He asked how much he was masturbating. Erik said maybe 20 minutes. Howard said most people on the radio can't do that but he was so overwhelmed by Ike that he had to jerk off during the show. Erik said he did. He said he looks like a young college boy with that hairdo.
Howard asked what he has learned from this. Erik said that Ike is like a young kid or a boy scout. Howard asked if Erik why he's able to ejaculate from Ike but not with Debbie. Erik said that with famous men he can do that and Ike is his go to guy now.
Howard asked if he has more attraction to Ike than even Donnie. Erik said yes. He said he was looking at his pictures during the show. He said he was looking at his Instagram.
Howard asked Erik what he thinks about this. He asked if he thinks there might be something there. Erik said some people think he might be bisexual. He said he's not though. He said he's only into famous men. Howard asked if they could find a woman who looks like Ike would he be able to get off. Erik said yes. Howard said he'll put that on his list of things to do.
Howard said just know that when you watch the game Erik is masturbating under his table. He asked when he began. Erik said about 10 minutes into it. Howard said he's shocked by that. Erik wished them all a merry Christmas and said he'll talk to them next year.
Howard said there may be some confusion there with Erik. Robin asked why he can't say he's gay. Howard said he's not. He said he's not sure what she's thinking. Robin said he's not even Bi according to him. Howard said he just can't cum when a woman is in the room.
Howard said he's sure there's a lot going on behind the scenes with everyone in the game. Howard asked if Wendy's controller wants to talk.
Wolfie said Wendy was eating Little Debbie cakes and drinking Mountain Dew to wash it down. Howard said he saw they were muting her coughing during the game. He said it's a challenge. Derek said that they have a computer they're able to open up for Wendy so they can set it up easily. He said that's what they did for her. Howard said in the middle of the game they had a lot going on and they told him that Wendy's mom brought in another soda for her. He said she had 3 before 9am. Howard said that's an interesting stat.
Howard asked if they were surprised by Wendy's rap song. He said it was surprisingly racist and it went along with Kanye's thoughts. The guys said that she absorbs a lot.
Derek said they had issues with Erik too. He said they were having difficulty and he gets overwhelmed and he'd rather quit than just do what they ask him to do. He said he was sent into a tizzy with some stuff.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he has a friend who said he has a friend who can make a 3D scan of Ike's head and make a mask out of that to put on Debbie's head. Howard said he'd love them to help out with that. Ralph said it's creepy as fuck when Erik was talking about him looking like a boy scout. Robin said that was a bit strange.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that when she was in graduate school she got Howard's book Private Parts and donated a copy to the library who said they weren't going to buy it. She said the were forced to carry the book. She said by the time she graduated they had 20 copies. She said that every time the movie is on she remembers it. Howard said he gets a lot of pleasure from being rejected from libraries. He said that's a good story.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was a great Hollyweird Squares. Howard said it takes him 6 months to recover from that. He said it's just too much. Robin said the contestants were great. Howard said those guys know how to kill and fight for the country. He said he's not even in the same species as they are.
The caller said that he did a great job with the Bruce Springsteen interview. He asked if he thinks that David Letterman raised the bar on interviews by going to Ukraine to interview Volodymyr Zelenskyy. Howard said he would never go over there to do that. He said he has a feeling that Volodymyr is like the name Howard over there. He said that guy is an amazing guy. He said he will watch the interview. He said that guy has a set of balls on him. He said he's an amazing individual. Robin said the guy is a political figure now but he was a comedian. Howard said he was and he became the president of Ukraine. He said he admires him and Letterman. He said he knows Zelenskyy wants to be known to the American people so he's doing interviews with people like Letterman. Howard said Dave is the man.
Howard said he really does admire Dave. He said the only thing with Zelenskyy is that he'd prefer him to speak in English. Robin said you can get an app that translates anything for you.
Howard said if he was asked to go interview what guy he'd ask you if you're high. He said that he doesn't even want his wife going out to lunch. He said he won't go into a subway in New York.
Howard said when his mom gets sick it's not her problem, it's his. He said nearly 9 out of 10 deaths from COVID are in people who are 65 and older. He said that if you're old you're not going to do well with it.
Howard said it was bad. Robin said she wants her to live with him. Howard said he's asked her to come there. He said that he told her to come there. He said she doesn't want to.
Howard said he doesn't know what to do. He said it's endless phone calls. Robin said she knows people who are going through their second and third rounds with COVID. Howard said New York is asking people to wear masks inside but no one is doing it. Howard said he's the only one. Robin said she is too. Howard said he's wearing a mask and he doesn't give a fuck. Robin said she went to the bank the other day and she was the only one wearing one. She said she thinks it's kind of cool. Howard said that's cool until they shoot you thinking you're robbing the bank.
Howard took a call from a woman who said her mom is also 95 and in a home. He said she has dementia and she's far away from her. She said she doesn't have to go visit. Howard said he likes having his mom near by. He said he can go visit her. The caller was getting in deep with what she does with her mom and Howard let her go. He said he's not going to send his mom to North Carolina so he doesn't have to visit her.
Howard read more about COVID and reinfection. He said Beth tells him that he's scaring his mother but he has to so she'll take it seriously. He said she doesn't take anything seriously. He said he told his mom to not let people near her without a mask. He said she's afraid of authority and she won't tell someone to wear a mask. He said she tells them to take off the mask. Robin said she can tell them to take it off but not put it on. Howard said now he has to deal with it.
Howard said he's told everyone that they have to wear a mask but they don't listen to him. He said Robin doesn't even listen to him. He said he asks her not to do things and she does them. Robin said this will be the last time the talk so they should say their final words. Howard said it was nice knowing you. He said Robin is a big expert on everything and that's what will do her in. Robin said she has a mask she wears everywhere. Howard said alright. Robin said she still socially distances. Howard said she has to keep up with that. Robin said she observes rules. Howard said he'll listen to her music then. Fred had her news theme playing.
Howard read more about COVID and how this thing is so weird that it makes things worse the more times you get infected. He said it's usually the opposite. He said that his mother was really bad the first time she got it. He said they had to deal with a lot that first time. He said they were already picking out coffins for her. He said she just wanted to die. He said that everyone laughs at him about this. He said he just wants his mom to take care of herself. He said you have to ask people to put their masks on.
Howard said the people who work for him seem to be masked up but he has no idea what's going on over there. He said that's a lot of fun.
Howard said he thought it would be fun to play the proposal from 2016. He played the clip of Ronnie telling Stephanie where the engagement ring was. He had it hidden in a sneaker in his closet. She asked if that's what she thinks it is and Ronnie said ''What the fuck do you think it is?'' Howard said that might be the worst proposal ever.
Howard said the guys are excited that he might go to this wedding. He said he's not sure if he'll go if this COVID thing is still going on. He said his daughter is getting married in the summer and they'll be testing everyone at the wedding. He said he doesn't want to get sick. Robin said no one wants to get sick because the went to a wedding. Howard said he was thinking of sending the Howard Stern impersonator to the wedding. He said his kids may not notice. He said you have to watch the Hollyweird Squares thing. He said that everyone did a great job today.
Howard said one of the fans asked if Stephanie said that Ronnie will owe her money if Ronnie says cunt at the wedding. Howard asked Ronnie if the have some kind of deal there. Ronnie got on and said it wasn't him. He said his friend Mike used to say it a lot. He said they had a jar in his restaurant and if he said cunt he had to put money in the jar. He said when Mike passed away they counted the money and there was close to $500 in there. He said they donated it to an animal rescue.
Howard said Ronnie uses that word a lot. Ronnie said Stephanie isn't okay with that word but pretty much anything else. He said that his friend Mike would bust her balls using the word around her. He said he'd just come over with a roll of money and keep saying it and putting the money into the jar. He said he'd take a $20 bill and just stand there saying it. Howard said he must miss him terribly. Ronnie said he was a great dude. He said he misses him a lot. He said he ran a beautiful restaurant. He said he was a great dude. Fred played a Ronnie song where he just said cunt in it. They played a ''Duu'' song parody too.
Howard asked if anyone reached out to him after the show asking if they're invited. Ronnie said that people were just congratulating him. He said that he did get a lot of DMs from DJs who want to be at the wedding. He said he had a guy from Kansas and he had all kinds of stuff he was talking about. He said a guy from Chicago and Utah were messaging him. He said they're going to look into a guy from Vegas. Howard said that's probably a good idea. He said the music is a big thing at a wedding.
Howard said he was thinking about his budget of 50 grand. Ronnie said it might be going up. He said they have to look at the guest list again. Howard said he does. He said it sounds like crazy fun but now everyone wants to go. He said they have to invite so many people.
Howard said he can help out here. He said people think it's going to be a blast. He said it really will if they all go. He said it's going to be great. Ronnie said it'll be out of control.
Howard asked if he's going to invite Bubba. Ronnie said he is on the list. Howard said he hasn't seen him in years. He said he didn't know if he was still tight. Ronnie said he's still his buddy even if they don't talk so much now. He said he's still his buddy. Howard asked if he's inviting Merch Crick. Ronnie said if you aren't in a long term relationship he's not giving a plus 1. Howard said he can't cheap out like that. He said he has to let them bring someone.
Howard said he sees that he has his old glasses on. Ronnie said he got two pair of new glasses and this is the other pair. He said these he had an issue with a lens so he had to send them back. He said he's wearing these. He said he didn't get rid of them. He said he knew they'd say that.
Howard said he thinks that Ronnie is going to go with these glasses at the wedding. He asked Mike Pearlman what he thinks. Mike said he'd go with these. He said he doesn't think he'll be wearing them at the wedding. Ronnie said he has to do that to see. He said Mike is an idiot. Howard said what will happen is that Ronnie will wear the other ones just to spite him. Ronnie said he knew this was going to happen. He said he had to bring the other ones back. He said they needed to be fixed. He said he always gets two pair just for something like this.
Mike and Ronnie went back and forth about the glasses for a few minutes. Mike gave Ronnie some advice for wearing the glasses but Ronnie told him to worry about himself.
Howard said he loves Ronnie but he thinks Mike is right about the glasses. He said he should let his wife see his eyes. Ronnie said she likes his glasses. He said she said that yesterday.
Howard said don't have an Elvis marry you. Ronnie told him not to tell him what to do. Howard said he's his pal. Ronnie said anyone who doesn't love Elvis can stay home. Howard said those guys are a goof. Howard said he's not even an Elvis guy. Ronnie said he doesn't hate Elvis. He said when the Elvis channel first came on that was all he listened to. Robin said he's never talked about Elvis. Ronnie said he likes his fucking music. He said this guy isn't a fucking hack. He said he's not sure what the guy is going to say or how he's going to talk but he's a real ordained minister. He said he's not sure if he's going to talk like Elvis or not. Howard said he's sure he will.
Mike tried to give him some advice but Ronnie said he's off the list now so don't worry about it. Howard let them argue like every other time they argue. Same thing, different day.
Sal got on and told Ronnie not to do the Elvis thing and he's a huge Elvis fan. Howard said that this reminds him of the Playboy stuff that Ronnie used to have on his limo. He said that he asked Ronnie to take the Playboy stuff off the car. He said Ronnie got upset about that. He said he was right though. He said he's right about this.
Howard said he has to admit he was right. Ronnie said he did have to listen to him because he was the customer. Howard asked if he's glad he removed it. Ronnie said no. He said he made an asshole out of him and he took his advice.
Howard said even Sal said don't do it. He said he loves Elvis. Ronnie said just don't come if you're going to make a deal out of it. Sal said he wants to be there. He started to sing like Elvis. Howard asked if he can say something. Ronnie said no. He said they're not changing for any of them.
Howard said all he wanted to say was that he wants him to have a classy wedding. Ronnie said they're just having a fun wedding. Howard said he's just saying this to Robin. Ronnie told him to call her over he weekend.
Howard asked if he's inviting any of the hot chicks from his Twitter feed. Ronnie said no. He said he's not inviting anyone from Twitter.
Howard said maybe he should. Ronnie told Mike not to comment on the girls or his girl will get upset. Howard said he's bringing Mike with him to the wedding. Ronnie said we'll see about that. He said he's having very high security there. He said that's already been arranged.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Mike Pearlman who got Ronnie worked up. That went on for a few minutes.
Howard and the guys were going through other names on the list. Howard said he bets Lonnie is on the list. Ronnie said he is but he won't fly so he won't be there. He said that he is on the list though. He said when they opened up Scores in Vegas Lonnie took a train to Arizona from New York. He said he took a motor home from there to Vegas. Howard said that's because if he goes out in the daylight he'll burn up.
Hard asked if Wayne Siegel is on he list. Ronnie said he is. Ronnie said he did get one text asking what the date is and if it's in Vegas. He said that he didn't even know if he as invited. He said he was on the list but it was funny the way he put it. He said that was no one Howard knows very well. Howard said that is kind of rude.
Fake Mike said Howard has to be there at the wedding to impress his NASCAR buddies. Ronnie said he doesn't need Howard there. Mike said they do want to meet Howard there. Ronnie said they all figured he wasn't coming so it has nothing to do with it. Mike said Ronnie was so happy when he heard that Howard was coming. He said he was like a little kid.
Howard said thanks to the Mikes and Sal and Ronnie for talking about this. Fred was doing his Ronnie Puppet impression and goofing on Ronnie. Mike was still talking about giving advice to Ronnie and Ronnie kept saying he's out. He said he talks like a fucking moron. He said he knows nothing about fashion. Mike said it's easy with Ronnie. He said anything would be better than what he has on.
Howard said he thinks Mike will be there. Ronnie said he's a total idiot now. He said he should mind his own fucking business. Howard said maybe he has a point there. Howard said he does want Mike to be there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows when the wedding is. He said NASCAR takes two breaks and it'll probably be after the Texas race. Howard asked if he planned it that way. Ronnie said that they won't have to race that day because it's on a Friday. He said Kurt won't have to race until Sunday. He said that it'll be fine. He said they're all going to the race on Sunday.
Howard took a call from Apples who asked if they will have a gift registry or somewhere to give money. Howard said Apples isn't going. He asked about the gift registry. Ronnie said there's no gift registry.
Howard took a call from Ham Hands Bill who said something about panties. Howard asked what he said. Bill said he hopes his Christmas wish comes true. He said that he wants to smell some panties or something like that. Bill said he bought someone panties 2 years ago and got them from her. He said that was the last time he got to do that. Howard asked why he'd want to do that. Bill said that's just something to do. He said he and this girl kissed and he got to suck on her tits. He said she got on all fours for him and he kissed her butt cheeks and stuff. Howard wasn't catching it all so Robin had to fill him in and interpret what he was saying.
Howard asked how he can help here. Bill said maybe he can go to Robin's house. Robin said that she thinks of him as her father. Howard said that's not good. Bill said that anyone who orders his Cameo gets a free nude magazine with 18 and 19 year old college girls in it. Howard said that sounds illegal. Howard let Bill go a short time later.
Howard said the fans are stoked for Ronnie and his wedding. He said some people did say they think they'll be divorced by 2025 though. Howard said this is the real deal though. He said he thinks that they've lasted this long. He said they'll be fine.
Howard said people wrote in about how controlling he is with Beth. Howard said he didn't stop her from going out. He read some of those comments. He said he didn't stop her from going to her friend's house. He said she did go over to have tea with her. He said his wife doesn't even like tea.
Howard said Taylor Swift must follow Beth because Gary old Beth that she's giving money to Beth's charity Beth's Furry Friends. Howard said that's what Gary said. Gary said it's totally real. He said she's a huge cat person and her publicist reached out and said that Taylor is aware of Beth and wanted to donate. Howard said maybe she can send some panties to Ham Hands.
Ronnie asked if Imagine Dragons reached out yet. Gary said not even a little bit. Howard told Ronnie not to get too big. He said he already has Elvis.
Howard said the fans liked hearing from Yucko yesterday. He read some of that feedback. Howard said he was concerned about his weight gain. He said the fans wrote in about Dr. Now talking to Yucko about his weight.
Howard said the fans were upset about Benjy burying the cum hat. He read through some of that feedback. Howard said Sal still wants that back. Sal said sure. He said he can dig it up. Howard wrapped up and wished everyone happy holidays. They were done around 10:40am.