Howard started the show talking about some vocal issues he was having and how he had to drink some hot water. He said he wants to show the audience what suffering goes into his job.
Howard said he has a big mirror down there in his studio and he went to look in it before getting on camera. He said they do the show for the app too so you can see them. He said he can't see anything down there so he was staring at a dark mirror. He said when they put the studio together they made it dark. He said he can't see himself so whatever he looks like is what he looks like. He said his hair is a mess. He said he gelled it up last night but it didn't work. He said it's like a big bushel of Wheat. He said he's lucky. He said the theory is that if he puts gel in his hair it shrinks it. He said he gets tight curly hair so it looks like a knit cap on his head. He said he looks awful by dinner time. He said Beth gets all dressed up for dinner though. He said he used to get dressed up for her but now he's wondering what the point is. He said he looks like shit either way. He said all of his clothes are black so he looks the same. Howard said he requested a nude dinner but she's not up for it.
Howard said he used to be able to run but he can't do that anymore. He said it started to hurt when he peed because of his running. He said now he doesn't have that problem but he isn't running. He said that he asked his doctor about it and he said he might have blood in his urine. He said that got him to stop running. He said the doctor wanted to go in and do something but he quit running.
Howard said his hair is hit or miss. He said he apologizes to Robin for making her look at him like that. He said he and Beth like how Robin looks with her glasses on. He said it works for her. He said he wishes he could find a look like that. He said he wears sunglasses to cover up his face. Robin said she was thinking of tinting her's. Howard told her not to. He said it makes it look like you're trying too hard. He said he sees himself and he does look better in them but it's absurd. He said he can't read anything with them on. He said he's wearing sunglasses indoors. He said he should come up with an excuse about being light sensitive indoors. He said that's what Ratso used to say. He said he hasn't spoken to him in a while. He said he hasn't spoken to a lot of people. Howard said he hasn't even seen Robin in 2 years.
Robin said she didn't watch because she forgot that they were on. Howard said he recorded them. Robin said she did too but she still forgot. Howard said he's not too happy with what happened to the E! network. He said they started out with them when they first got started. Howard said Joan Rivers used to do a pre-show on the network but now they have a bunch of goof balls running the network and people who are so jive on that network. He said they're so goofy. He said they have this weird delivery. He said they yell and scream about nothing.
Howard said E! used to have them on at 11 every night. He said he thinks they fired them. Robin said they wanted to go in a different direction or something. Howard said they went from being on in 50 percent of the country to 90 percent when they put them on. He said he doesn't remember being fired but he thinks they weren't interested in them anymore. He said he's not even sure. He said it's all a blur to him. He said he's been fired so many times he thinks that's what happened.
Howard said he really looks like shit today. Robin said he should put a light down there. Howard said he can't. He said he can't do anything on his own. He said he and Beth walk and she tests him to see if he can get back. He can never do it. He said he tells her he was joking but he really can't remember where he is and he can't get home. He said it's embarrassing. He said he feels like an idiot.
Robin said one time they were walking back to work and he didn't know where he was and they were right across from the building. Howard said that's why he won't take an IQ test. He said he thinks he won't do well. He said he just can't do it.
Robin said Howard doesn't see landmarks or recognize anything. Howard said maybe he only sees big picture things. He said maybe he's a genius. He said he was painting yesterday and most people can't do that. He said he must be somewhat intelligent. He said maybe he's just filled with ideas and thinking about the radio show and what to talk about. Robin said maybe he's not observing anything. She said they worked in a building that had a special look and he didn't recognize it.
Howard said he was shocked to see they were across from Radio City Music Hall when they went to Sirius. Robin said Howard has no idea where he's at. Howard said they moved to Radio City for America's Got Talent and he didn't even know how to get there. He said he must be missing some chunk of intelligence. He said if his mother breast fed him maybe he'd have that intelligence. He said he's so smart that he's stupid because his head is up his ass.
Howard said they have a guest coming up and he can't talk about it. He said they wrote a book and he's supposed to read it. He said he got up at 3 today and tried to read it on his Kindle. He said everything is falling apart on him. He said he started the book and he was getting pissed off. He said this Kindle, which is an Amazon company, sucks. He said they're not keeping up with the times. He said the book has a lot of pictures of this person's career. He said on the iPad you can expand the picture and see it. He said the Kindle is just a reader so you cant see the size. He said you can't use a link in the book either. He said it's not interactive. He said you can only go buy more books. He said you can't expand pictures and nothing is in color. He said he'd fix that before building a rocket ship if he was Jeff Bezos.
Howard asked if they have improved the thing lately. He said his computer guy told him they haven't. He said that he was in a meeting the other day with Sirius and he was giving some ideas. He said he doesn't think they're interested. He said the other day he was on Instagram with Beth and he thought it was cool to broadcast live so easily. He said he wants to do that on Sirius. He said he'd like to be able to do that at any time. He said he's pushing for that there but no one cares. He said they care about things but not his idea. Howard said they just want him to concentrate on his show.
Howard said that Jeff Bezos' rocket looks like him. Robin said it's like a giant penis rocket. Howard said he likes Bezos. He said that guy made Amazon into something huge. Robin said he had people put money behind it. Howard said if someone should be a billionaire it should be that guy. He said it's amazing that they can do what they do. Robin said they are working on getting things to you in hours instead of days.
Howard said he gets pissed waiting a day. Robin said she watches her door. Howard said he's like Pavlov's dog panting when he orders stuff. He said he gets so excited when he gets new stuff. Robin said she gets it. Howard said he loves it. Robin said she'll reject things that won't come in a couple of days.
Howard asked the guys if they know anything about Kindle. Jon Hein said they do say they are bringing out an update soon but that may not help him. He said they are going to bring out a new one soon. Jon said there's a Kindle reader app on the iPhone. Howard said he has that but it's not what he's looking for. He said he wants to be able to see pictures in a book. Jon said they haven't updated the Kindle since 2016. Howard said that's a long time and they should be updating it before making a rocket ship.
Howard said they're building a sub par submarine. He said it was a big hunk of junk apparently. Robin said they said they didn't know they weren't happy but Australia said they did tell them many times they weren't happy. Howard said we saved them from the Nazis. He said they should bow down to us. Robin said no one remembers that. Howard said he cares. He said all of that information is going to die with him.
Howard said this woman has been calling in and she claims she masturbated during his Norm Macdonald tribute the other day.
Howard took the call from Cassie who said that she loved Norm Macdonald so much. She said the other day she was so moved by his tribute to him that she wanted to know what she could do. She said she wanted to do something so she figured she could rub a few out to him. She said she figured that was a good way to give tribute to him. Howard said he's amazed that she can do that to someone who just died. Cassie said that it's weird but she figured it might be cool to think about being able to do that for someone. Howard asked how old she is. Cassie said that she's 34. Howard said she sounds cute.
Howard asked if she put on her TV and rubbed it out on her bed. Cassie said she wasn't completely naked but she did start rubbing it out while watching Norm on TV and listening to Howard doing his tribute.
Howard asked what she weighs. Cassie said she's about 130 and she's 5'4'' tall. Howard asked if she's married. She said she is and she's been married for 15 years. Howard said that's fascinating. He said it seems kind or morbid to him. He said he thinks he's seen everything now. Cassie said she didn't see his corpse so she wasn't rubbing it to his dead body. She said that would be fucked up.
Howard asked if Cassie masturbates a lot. She said not really. She said that her husband takes care of her. She said that she doesn't use sex toys because men can't keep up with those.
Howard said he had a friend who said she used a vibrator all the time and she was totally satisfied so she had to stop using it. He said she got married eventually. He said it forced her out of the house. He said this wasn't Robin of course.
Cassie said a man can't keep up with the vibrator. Howard said he isn't jerking off a lot now. He said that he wants to be with Beth. He said she had her period and he did masturbate then. He said that he'd bang her though her period but she's not into that.
Cassie asked Howard about his cat Rhonda but Howard said he was in the middle of talking to Robin about something so he has to go. Howard said she was a sweet lady. Howard said they got a lot of email about Norm. He said he wishes he was around to see how many people loved the guy. He said he doesn't think Norm knew.
Howard said Ted Sarandos from Netflix emails him occasionally. He said he doesn't have to email Ted, Ted emails him because he doesn't bother the guy for a show. He said he saw that Ted had a documentary about his wife's father on Netflix. He said Ted's wife's father did something big so he has a documentary about him. Howard said he doesn't want to watch it but Ted keeps asking him to check it out. He said he's not jumping to do it. He said that Ted wrote him about Norm too. He said he had a talk show on Netflix. He said that Ted told him that his favorite moment was when he came on their show to explain it and he got in more trouble. He said Norm did something to get into even more trouble.
Howard said Ted's father in law is The Black Godfather. He said that's what Ted was telling him about.
Howard said he thinks he's the only guy who doesn't pitch ideas to Ted. He said he's very happy where he is. Robin said she gets his attention by saying weird things about him. She said Howard had to defend her to Ted once when she said something about him.
Howard said Ted wrote him about Norm and how he came on his show to try to apologize for something he said on The View but he got into more trouble. He said that he has some audio to play. He said Norm said he would have to have Down Syndrome to not know what he did wrong. He said he got in trouble for that too. He said he has that backwards. He said he got in trouble on their show and went on The View to apologize. He said that they must know what's right over there.
Howard said he would never be that pretentious to name his show ''The View.'' He said it's ''My View'' on his show.
Howard said he has the Norm clip where he got in trouble. He said he made some comments about the #MeToo movement and then did the Down Syndrome thing.
Howard read some comments about Norm. He said that Alexandra Daddario wrote that she's a fan of his and she loved Norm on the show. Gary told Howard who she is on the show White Lotus and how she was naked in True Detective. Howard said he should be able to go on Mr. Skin to see that. Gary said she's a legend on that show. Howard said he's going to go on there and check her out. He said he got a free account. He said he goes on and the disappointment when you find out that someone you want to see naked never did any nudity is really bad. He said that he never takes free stuff but he did take it from Mr. Skin. He said it's embarrassing. Robin said Howard wants to see everyone naked. Howard said he does. He said he wants to see Rebel Wilson naked. He said he loves weight loss. He said she was heavy and she's gotten herself down to a nice weight and she looks like she wants to be naked. He said he does check in on her on Instagram and she looks like she wants to be naked. He said she's always in a towel or an outfit showing off her body. He said he'd like to see her naked so he can do a full evaluation.
Howard said he wants to see Jen Psaki naked. Robin asked who that is. Howard said it's Biden's press secretary. He said she's really smart and she handles people well. He said she's sexy too. He said he went on Reddit and there's a whole category of dues there who wants to see her naked too. He said he's kind of turned on by her. He said that she's his type. Robin said she's so impressed by her after so many bad press secretaries with Trump. Howard said he had a lot of people who are basically insane.
Howard said he's not this bad. He read a comment from a guy whose name was ''LoveToStroke246.'' He said that guy said that cute she gives makes him stroke himself to her. Howard read some other comments from guys about jerking off to Jen. Howard said he just thinks about it. He said he's not sure why these guys have to jerk off to her.
Howard said he really digs Jen Psaki. He said he's shocked. He said you're not supposed to be turned on by the press secretary.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's right about Jen. He said the best part about her is that she stuffs the FOX News reporters in a locker every day. He said it's just so great. Howard said she has a great body too. He said she's kind of fit. Robin said she played sports in high school so it doesn't take much. Howard said he went online looking for bikini pictures of her but he wasn't able to find anything.
Howard read another Reddit comment where the guy said he's chronicling every outfit she wears. Howard said that's so wrong. The caller joked that was him. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said Jen has that look she gives guys and she just deals with the facts. Robin said she's very competent. Howard said he thinks she's married. He said she actually is.
Howard said he was watching this one girl talking about making out with the guys on the show and she said that she got a tingle in her vagina when she kissed one guy. He said he was watching her and he wondered if she was a moron so that's when he came up with the name Moron Island. He said there's one guy who looks so jacked up. He said that the secret must be to not work and just work out all day. Robin said the guy with the biggest arms is supposed to be a lawyer. Howard said there's no way that guy is a lawyer. He said to pass the bar you have to be smart. He said there's no way that guy is a lawyer. He said maybe he's a ''Lawyier'' or something.
Robin said she sees that the guy Matt who was the Bachelor before is out looking for work in Los Angeles. Howard said he and Beth went on Ellen and had Colton come out to re-marry them. Howard said he talked to Colton at the show and he seemed lost. He said the whole thing was kind or weird. He said he asked him what his deal is and Colton said he wants to be in the media and have a talk show or something. He said these guys are all jacked and have gigantic arms. He said they look great and he wishes he had a physique like that but they all shave their own body hair and stuff. He said Beth gets grossed out by the guys. He said she thinks it's disgusting.
Howard said a lot of comedians are getting jacked up now. He said Chappelle is huge now. He said he comes out and you wonder who the hell that is. He said he's still able to be funny though. Robin said she thinks that Chris Rock has done some of that too. Howard said he read that he got COVID-19. He said he was vaccinated too. He said that he turned on the Emmys and no one was wearing masks. He said he's not going out to dinner with friends. He said he's still afraid of it. He said he has a relative who had to go to the hospital even though he was vaccinated. He said it's fucked up. He said Seth Rogen was on the Emmys and he was wondering what they were doing there. He said he'll get back to Norm but he has some clips to play.
Howard played some Seth Rogen talking about how there are too many of them in this room. He said they said it was going to be outdoors but they're in a sealed tent right now. Robin said making people laugh makes it spread even more.
Howard said he printed out the Chris Rock article. He said he revealed the had COVID-19 and he's 56 now. He said it's fucked up that everyone is getting old. He said that he's on the back 9 himself. He said he's scared to go. He said he knows there's nothing out there.
Howard said that Chris Rock says that you don't want this. He said he read that Chris and David Spade were at a restaurant talking about Norm just the other day. He said Chris just found out on Sunday that he got COVID-19 and he told his followers that they should all get the jab. Robin said that's the British saying for getting the vaccination. Howard said he hates that.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he watched Bachelor in Paradise and there was a guy who was told to leave and he just left. He said he would have told them to fuck off. Howard said Ralph can stand up to any social pressure but that guy wasn't able to take it so he left ''Moron Island.''
Howard said that guy wasn't there for the right reasons. Robin said she laughed when she heard them say that on the show. Howard said you have to go in there with an open heart. Robin said the only rule they have is that you have to be single. Howard said it was proven that one guy was there and wasn't single.
Howard said he hopes that Chris Rock is okay. He said he has a weird relationship with him. He said it's not weird but he only comes on the show occasionally. He said he'd have him on every week if he'd come in. He said he has had conversations off the air and he's really interesting. He said that he thinks that when they see each other they do gravitate toward each other. He said Chris came to his apartment once a few years ago. He said they were hanging out and Rick was a vegan back then. He said he was eating Chinese food and he was talking to him about how it's a lot of calories. He said it was pretty exciting conversation. He said that he likes Chris and he hopes he's going to be okay.
Gary said he will admit it right now that he loves that site. He said 4 is the most. He said that you can get into the hall of fame over there and Halle Berry got into that the other week. Howard asked how she got into it. Gary said she does a ton of nudity in her movies. Howard asked which ones. Gary said that Monster's Ball is one. He didn't know any other ones. Howard said that he was just annoyed with Gary talking about seeing naked girls. He said he wants to take away Gary's free subscription. He asked why he'd go on there that much. Gary said he gets the newsletter and they send out clips. He said that he'll see clips and he thinks they're interesting so he'll start to watch the shows because of Mr. Skin.
Howard asked if the girl from Manifest gets nude at all. Gary said that he'd look that up on Mr. Skin. Howard said that girl on Manifest is one he'd look up. Jon said her name is Melissa Roxburgh. Gary said no nudity for her. He said she has one star on Mr. Skin.
Gary said that he's looking at Halle Berry's nude scenes on Mr. Skin. Howard said he's not sure why but he's not interested in Halle Berry naked. He did his Hollywood agent voice and gave some advice to these stars about nudity.
Howard said Robin has no nudity on Mr. Skin. He said she has a one star rating over there. Robin said she likes that one star rating. Gary said Mr. Skin does something for every holiday. He said that he'll make up his own stuff and they have something every day and he gets suckered into looking at it every day.
Howard said that guy has been in business like 20 something years already. Robin said way too long. Howard said he started out with VCR clips. He said he would cut right to the good parts as he said. Robin said she's glad that he didn't turn into Jeff Bezos. Howard said that guy owns two homes he thinks. Robins said he doesn't have a rocket ship though.
Gary said he does well and lives in a nice part of Chicago. Howard went into his agent voice again and did some material about the nudity thing.
Gary said that there's some nudity reports on Hunter Schafer. Howard said that's a trans actress. He said he and Beth watch her and argue if she still has the equipment down there. He said that he thinks she's pulling it off really well. Howard had his agent talking about what a decent rating she has on Mr. Skin. Gary said she has 2 stars.
Howard read some feedback about the Norm Macdonald tribute he did last week. Howard had the email from Cassie who he spoke to earlier. Howard said he's almost to the end of Manifest. He said that they had better come up with an ending for the fourth season. He said he does like that Melissa Roxburgh on the show. He said sometimes she looks great and sometimes she doesn't. He said that's his type.
Howard read some comments about Norm and his Weekend Update jokes about OJ. Howard sad there's a video on YouTube of Norm telling those OJ jokes. Howard pulled some audio from that and played them.
Howard said the audience was shocked to learn that he had been fighting cancer for 9 years. Howard read through some of the comments about that. Howard said he thinks Norm didn't tell anyone because he didn't want them to think about that. Howard said Norm did an interview with Chris Hardwick in 2016 and he gave some insight into it even though he didn't talk about his cancer. Howard and Robin didn't even know about the podcast. Howard said everyone is doing a show now. He said that you used to have to have some skills to do a radio show. He said now anyone can do it. He said that's why he's out after this contract.
Howard said here were a lot of bad broadcasters who were weeded out but now anyone can keep doing a show even if they don't have an audience. Howard said they're firing everyone in radio. He said they fire the DJs and hire one guy to be on 97 stations. He said that's fine when it's him. Robin said now radio people have podcasts.
Howard said he Norm did this interview in 2016 and he talked about cancer but didn't say that he had cancer. In the clip Norm talked about this guy who had cancer and never talked about it. Norm said that's courageous to him. He said you go through it alone. Norm also talked about his gambling and how he could have an ailment but he wouldn't talk about it if he did.
Howard said that he doesn't think he told any of his close friends that he had cancer. He said that no one knew. He said he had a son and maybe he got some family comfort from him. He said he really doesn't know. He said maybe he didn't. Robin said it's very odd.
Howard said this is another clip of Norm when he was on Conan's Tonight Show. He said Norm gave him a gift basket right after they had announced Conan was getting kicked off The Tonight Show. In the clip Norm read a card he had on the gift basket which was an older basket that he got him back in June (months before this appearance). Norm read the card and it was a bunch of compliments about him getting the Tonight Show and how they'll never be able to take that away from him.
Howard said that's so funny. He said it's so good. He said there was one other thing he pulled. He said he went on the Larry King show and told Larry with a straight face that he was deeply closeted. He said it was great. Howard played the clip and Norm told him that and said he's not coming out even though he's deeply closeted. Larry sounded very confused by the whole thing.
Howard said then there was the time Norm went on The View and kept insisting that Bill Clinton had murdered people. He said you can't just say that so Barbara Walters looked like she wanted to kill Norm. He said he's not sure what he was up to but this was from like the year 2000. He played the clip where Norm was talking about the murderers in the White House and how they should get them out. They kept trying to shut him up but Norm kept bringing it up.
Howard said it must be great with a bunch of unfunny people telling you that you should be funny and you may never come back on the show. He said that he's trying to make their show interesting.
Howard said he saw a lot of people on the internet posting pictures of themselves with Norm. He said that all he's looking at is Norm wasting time with these people. He said he was doing that while his dinner was getting cold. Howard said it's a weird brag about taking a picture with some big star. He said that Norm was probably wishing that he could have those moments back. Robin said the person in the picture always looks miserable. Howard said Norm did look miserable.
Howard had the Ted Sarandos note where he talked about the funny moment when he was on the show. Howard said they were discussing the #MeToo stuff and he was empathizing with Louis CK about how he lost everything in a day and the victims didn't lose it all in the same day. He said they didn't lose everything. Norm said that's where he got into trouble. Then Norm said that you'd have to have Down Syndrome not to feel sorry for the victims. He said #MeToo is what you want for your daughters.
Howard said Norm was trying to say something good but he went there with the Down Syndrome thing. He said he was a comic so he's not sure what he was trying to say. Robin said she thinks that he was trying to say that you'd have to be dumb and uninformed not to know that the victims lost a lot. Howard said then Norm went on The View and they brought up the Down Syndrome comment. Norm explained that he was trying not to use a different word and he came up with the other term and realized that was wrong as well.
Howard said Norm gave us so many great moments. He said he had a bit of a stumble there. He said that guy was really funny. He said Norm hung out with Ralph of all guys. He said he has a way of doing that. He said he doesn't really work and he gets to hang out.
Howard had Ralph on the phone and Ralph said Norm was friends with Sam Simon and he got to hang out with him a few times. He said he got to know him pretty well. Howard said Sam Simon was one of the creators of The Simpsons and he made a ton of money from that. He said that Sam was intrigued with the idea of Ralph being his friend so he gave that a try himself. He said he would complain about Ralph on the air and Sam would call and complain about him off the air. He said he wasn't sure why he had him at his house. Ralph said Sam was just trying to have a connection with Howard.
Howard said Ralph was hanging out with Sam and driving his car and traveling with him. Ralph said he got to stay in his second house out in L.A. Howard said it's like he got lucky and was a kept man. He said it was unbelievable. Ralph said the guy had money and he liked hanging out with him. Howard said he got the feeling that Sam liked him because he hung around with him.
Howard said Ralph went with Sam to Hawaii and Norm would be there with his family. Ralph said Norm was just like he was on the air when he hung out with him. Howard said David Spade is like that in person too. He said he's always on. He said he's glad to hear that Norm was funny off the air too.
Howard said people hate hanging with him. He said that he just sits and drinks hot water. He said he's sick of talking so he doesn't talk that much. Ralph said Howard is fun to hang out with. Howard said he wasn't fun. He said he was on a mission when he was hanging out with Ralph. He said he wanted to get enough memories to put in his spank bank. He said he was fun for like week after his divorce. Ralph said Howard was fun back when he was married the first time. He said they did things.
Gary said he has to bring this up. He said Sam would call him and complain about Ralph. He said he would drive his car and never gas it up. He said he broke the dishwasher and he was disrespectful to his staff too. Howard said that's pretty much his experience too. Howard said he had to kick Ralph out of his house permanently. He said he threw up and washed stuff in his washing machine and the carrots ended up in the washing machine. He said he threw up on his clothes and washed them and it ended up in there. Howard said just throw that stuff out instead of trying to wash it. Ralph asked why she had to rat him out. Howard said she worked for them and they paid her.
Howard said Ralph wasn't nice. He said people complained about him all the time. Ralph said that was so they could get air time. Howard said he's not a good guest. Ralph said ask Stamos. Howard said he thinks that Stamos has complained about him off the air. Ralph said he won't stay at anyone's place from now on. Howard said Ralph was fun but he wasn't able to control himself.
Howard said they used to have Ralph over to the house and they'd have lunch. He said Ralph would show up and save his food for later instead of eating with the rest of them. He said that they wanted to clean up and go relax instead of worrying about him pulling food out of the refrigerator. Ralph said Jimmy was there too. Howard said Jimmy would follow the rules and not be a pain like Ralph.
Ralph said Howard is a horrible guest too. He mentioned Gary's party and how bad he was there. Howard said he knows it and he told Gary not to invite him to his house.
Howard asked Ralph about what it was like hanging out with Norm. Ralph said it was just lots of fun and they were really good people. He said he feels really bad or those people in his life.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's wondering what kind of world we live in where Ralph walks the earth but Sam Simon and Norm Macdonald are gone from cancer. Howard said that he doesn't want his Ralph going away. He said he loves the guy but he's just a bad guest. Howard said Andy Richter was saying that Norm lost his life savings twice by gambling. He said that's why he had to go out touring.
Ralph said Norm should have had something bigger in his life but he thinks he didn't even want it. Howard said he's just going to thank Norm for all the laughs he got from Norm. He let Ralph go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he feels responsible for Ralph when all of these people complained about him. Howard said no because Sam Simon wanted a connection to him so that's why he had Ralph over. He said he'd talk about him being a bad guest and he must have gotten enamored with him. He said he just resented that he would call him and complain about Ralph. He said it was crazy. Robin said Sam's second house was filled with amazing art work and stuff. She said that she'd never let Ralph stay there. Howard said he would call Ralph and talk to him about being out there and he didn't want to come home because he had it made out there. He said he was happy for him and he didn't want to do anything to screw it up but Ralph did something to screw it up himself. He said Sam also died so that screwed it up too.
Howard said Sam and Ralph had a falling out but he can't talk about what that was about. He said it was so stupid. He said that Ralph blew it. He said he loves that boy but he blew it. He said Ralph had it made living out there and he fucked it all up. Gary said they're calling him right now. Howard said Ralph may not want to talk about it.
Howard told the caller he'll love this story if he can get him back on the phone. He said the story is good to hear so you're forewarned. Gary said he's not answering so he may not want to talk about it. Howard said Ralph is a tough guest but he does love him. He said it was really not good when he was fighting with his guests. Howard said it didn't get physical but it was heading that way.
Howard said Ralph is his boy and he loves him. He said he really does. Robin said she's not sure why this stuff comes out.
Howard said Joy Reid is really good on CNBC. He said she yelled at Nicki Minaj about what she said. Howard had a clip of her talking about that. Howard said he read that Nicki response to that with some insults to Joy saying she's homophobic and a ''Coon.'' Robin said she didn't see that part of it. Howard said he's trying to get confirmation on that. He said he's not sure why she'd call her homophobic.
Howard said he never said he used the guy either. He said he's getting a little sensitive over there. Ralph said he gets that way sometimes. Robin said he didn't take everything that was offered to him.
Howard said the best thing he had going on was Sam but he blew it at the end. He said they weren't' friends at the end. Howard said he was going to tell the story. Ralph said he's not sure what his interpretation was of that. Howard said he wanted them to work it out. Ralph said they did but it was when Sam got sick. He said his life got weird and he was separated from people.
Howard said this is why Ralph drives him crazy. He said he had a good shot. He said he was going to start an app with a bunch of guys and it was about his love of comic books. He said he was happy for Ralph. He said Sam has a ton of money and he was going to back the whole thing. He said this was the best thing that could have happened. He said Sam was a good businessman. He said he wanted some input into the app and Ralph went nuts. He said Ralph wanted it to be fun and not turn it into a big thing. He said he told Ralph he had a guy putting real money into it and he told him to go with whatever Sam wanted. Ralph said he didn't have a problem with that. Howard said Ralph left and didn't want to put up with it.
Ralph said the biggest thing that happened with that whole thing was that Howard did a shoot for them and they got a press person for the app and it's just a thing that was coming out once a month. He said Sam wanted to put out a press release with Howard's name on it. He said he told him not to do it and he got really upset over that. He said Sam got really pissed about it. He said he's not blaming Howard but it was a big thing. Ralph said that he didn't want them using Howard's name so he was the one who called it off. He said it was all over Howard and using his name. Hoards said he can't argue with that if he was backing him like that.
Ralph said that he loved Sam but he was micro managing the whole thing. Howard said he was putting the money into it so you have to let him do that. Ralph said the app was called Champion. Howard said go back to doing whatever it is he does all day.
Howard said he loves that Ralph had this billionaire backing him and he had to turn him off. Ralph started singing ''I've got to be me...'' Howard let him go after that.
Jon said that Nicki Minaj did tweet what Howard said about that ''coon'' comment. He said she called Joy a ''Lying, homophobic coon.''
Howard said he has to end the show at 10 today. He said the neighbors are doing construction for the next few weeks and they're pile driving stuff into the ground so his house is shaking from it. He said he asked them to hold off until 10. He said they say they're going to knock off for an hour but he may have to go into the city to get away from the noise. He said this is going to be going on for like 3 weeks.
Howard said he doesn't have a broadcast setup in the city but he may have to throw something together. He said either that or he'll send Ralph to the neighbor's house and they'll move away.
Robin said that Howard did mention that he talked to Fred. Howard said it was nice to talk to him. He said he likes Fred. He said he doesn't remember how it went. He asked Fred what he did and if it was random. Fred said that he asked him for some advice about something and he gave it to him so he contacted him a few weeks later asking if it went okay.
Howard said his brother in law, Doug, started playing guitar and Beth wanted to get him a guitar for his birthday. He said they called Fred to ask what to get him. He said Fred sent him this really detailed analysis asking about Doug and his abilities. He said he got this long email and he suggested this guitar. Fred said it's a Seagull that's made in Canada. He said he bought his daughter one and they're great for beginners and intermediates.
Howard and Fred talked about the guitar company and how it's privately owned and they cant invest in it. Howard said he should have invested in Mr. Skin. He said apparently the movie companies love that site. He said it helps them out somehow.
Howard said he got this email from Fred and he figured he's a really good dude so he should give him a call. He asked if he called out of the blue. Fred said he thinks he did. He said that was really nice to hear from him. He said it was a nice conversation. Howard said he thought about how he should do it again but he never did. Fred said he even said that he would go for a walk or something. Howard said he forgot he even said that. Fred said they were just shooting the shit that day. He said he can't even remember what they talked about. Fred said that they're both empty nesters. Howard said his daughter went to college already? Fred said she did. Howard asked how that feels. Fred said he hates it. He said that she ignores him when she's home but now that's she's gone he misses her being there. He said just having her there made him feel good.
Howard asked how the COVID situation is there at college. Fred said his daughter is pretty careful. He said that there's no one wearing masks up there. He said he wore a mask there the whole time he was up there.
Howard said that Instagram drives him crazy. He said they get to Beth and then she comes to him. He said he somehow gets exposed over that.
Howard said Beth wrote an article about fireworks scaring animals so be careful with the pets around fireworks. He said some guy wrote ''Who cares what you think?'' under the article. Howard said you follow the person and then you comment on them like that. He said that guy cares. He follows her. He said you can't do that if you follow the person. Howard said it's so weird.
Howard said Fred's daughter Tess is in college. Fred said she is. He said he thinks that she's negotiating drinking on campus. He said that she's probably had a couple of drinks with her friends. He said they all do it. Howard said he hated that with his girls. He said they all do it. Fred said she's not into pot but he thinks she's had some drinks. He said she may have had a wine cooler or something. He said she's not a big druggie or anything though.
Howard said he drinks hot water when he wants to get wild. He said he misses coffee so much. He said he can't drink it though. Robin said she needs coffee. Howard said Fred drinks it. Fred said it's non stop. Howard said he can't drink it because his doctor told him not to.
Fred said that one thing they talked about was when he said that Benjy inspired him to start running. He said that Benjy said it took him a half hour to run a mile. He said he wanted to see how he could do. He said he did 2 miles in a half hour. He said he's now down to 13 minute miles from 15 minute miles. He said that he's going better. Howard said he can walk a mile in 20 minutes. He said he walks slowly and he's doing that. Robin said Benjy can't be running a mile in 30 minutes. Howard said he's just about strolling when he walks that mile in 20 minutes.
Howard said he has a lot of things he hasn't gotten to. He said that this might be worth waiting for. Jason told him what page that stuff is on. It was page 19. Howard said has so much stuff.
Howard read a story about an anti-masker who died from COVID-19. Howard asked about the couple who died. Jason told him where that was. Howard said this couple bonded over hating the vaccine and they both died from it just weeks apart. Howard said it's the Romeo and Juliet of morons. Howard read the article about the couple who died. They were YouTubeers who were anti-vax. Howard said that they died less than a month apart. Howard said they were from Alabama. Howard said they ran a channel on YouTube that has since been deleted. Howard said they had an online fund raiser that was started by their children.
Howard said that the couple had posted videos about being anti-mask and they weren't planning on getting the vaccine. They had made this 90 minute video about that. Howard read some of the comments that this guy Dusty had made about it. His wife, Tristen, had bone cancer and survived that but she refused to get vaccinated or wear masks. Howard said now they're gone.
Howard said he found a good article online called ''Oh my god. Get the fucking vaccine already you fucking fucks.'' He said she makes a passionate plea for people to get vaccinated.
Robin said there's a mandate for masks in the city and some tourists came in and beat up a waitress over the whole thing. Howard said that's right. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said they used to have White Lion on the show. He asked what the lead singer's name was. Gary said Mikey Tramp. Howard said there was that period of time when dudes were all wearing stretch pants and looked like girls. He said he's not sure how many guys can sing like that and look like girls. He said he tried to get that whole look going with the long hair and all but he never had that girly look. He said Mikey must have gotten laid a lot. He said this was their only big hit. He said it's a good song. Robin said she's listening back now and it's not that great. Howard said the album came out the same day as Guns 'N Roses Appetite for Destruction and they were both neck and neck for a short time.
Robin said she has another bone to pick with him. She said she attached a bunch of Beverly Hills Housewives. She said she got into The Bachelor because of Howard. She said that she is upset if she misses something in previous seasons. She said she got stuck watching Beverly Hills Housewives because of Howard. She said she has to see what Howard is watching. She said she doesn't want to be one of those people watching that show. She said that she had to see how Erika Jayne was acting and saying because of what Howard said. Howard said he won't recommend any shows for her then. Robin said he can but they have to be good shows. Howard said if he likes it he'll recommend it.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up this girl who went missing named Gabby Petito. He said that the only reason we hear about it is because she's a cute white girl. Howard said he can't argue with him on that. Robin said she wants him to go out and get the word out when other people go missing. Howard said he likes that the guy came up with the name Loquesha as the name that no one would hear about if she went missing. Howard asked if Loquesha is really missing. The caller came up with Danyquil after that. Howard said he can't figure out if this guy is a racist or not. He let the guy go after that.
Howard said hew as following this Gabby Petito story. He said that he's shocked that he parents let the dude back in the house after this guy comes home without his girlfriend. He said his kids did that they wouldn't be let back in the house.
Howard said this Gabby went missing during a camping trip. He said JD was out that way during the summer to. JD said he was out there for his anniversary. Howard said JD said that if his wife wanted him gone she'd just have to leave him out there. JD said he can't sit around the house all the time. He said they go on hikes and she'll disappear sometimes. He said that there are spots where there's no service. Hard asked why she takes him on trips like that. JD said they were staying in some cabins outside of the Grand Tetons and they had no service out there. He said it freaked him out a bit. Howard said he was in a chair rocking back and forth. JD said he likes a rocking chair. He said he likes rocking. He said he's not sure why but he's doing something to calm himself down.
Howard said JD is different so they're trying to get him tested to see what's going on with him. He said the guy rocks back and froth when he's anxious. He said you figure out what's going on there. He said you know what's happening.
Robin said they have always said that if you're going to kill a spouse you go on a wilderness trip. Howard said he can't figure out what happened there but it's horrible. Robin said a couple of days before the last time they heard from her the cops were called to where they were and they were having some kind of altercation. She said that they were told to stay separate for the night. She said they only had one more contact with her after that.
Howard said the guy hasn't been proven guilty or anything but he does appear to be kind of creepy. He wonders if anyone identified that before this all happened.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his mom is in the hospital with COVID and she's in the ICU. He said that her doctor told her not to get the vaccine. He said that he sees it out there in Sacramento too. He said just get the vaccine. Howard said it's odd that the doctor would tell her not to get it. He said you'd think they'd be reasonable. Robin said that there are doctors who give bad advice.
Howard said he was reading about how gargling Betadine is the new way to keep from getting COVID. Howard said it's just iodine basically. He said that this is what the kooks are doing to treat COVID. Howard said maybe they were rubbing it on Nicki Minaj's cousin's balls. Howard said they'll do just about anything but take the vaccine. He said they should make it a cool underground thing and get them to take it by calling it something else.
Howard said he was reading about a company that wants to bring back the Wooly Mammoth by modifying elephant DNA. He said they say they want to do it to help the environment. He said he thinks they should reinvent the Kindle before doing that.
Howard said he doesn't think he and Robin will be around to see that happen. Howard said he doesn't hear the banging yet. He said it is after 10. He said he should ask Beth if it's happening. He said they can see if it happens. He said if he gets too annoying he'll bail out.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik and asked if he ever hooked up with Debbie. Erik said she didn't but she said she wanted to. Erik asked if he's coming into the city because they have the United Nations General Assembly going on. Howard said he's not going in today or this week even. Robin said they have a mask mandate and the U.N. has no authority to enforce that. Erik said that's going on for 2 weeks. Howard said he'll figure it out.
Erik said he can drive him if he wants. Howard said he has a guy. He said it's not Ronnie anymore but he has a guy. Erik said if he ever needs a driver he's there. Howard said he'd have to sink to driving himself before that would happen.
Erik said he has to call Debbie and find out if she still wants to hook up. Howard asked if it's true that he's playing golf now. Erik said he is playing every week. He said he hits a 72 or 73. Gary said that's impossible. He said the pros shoot a 72 on a decent game. Howard said he must be playing 9 holes. Erik said he is. He said on the 18 holes he didn't play too good.
Howard said he has to move on. He let Erik go and said he wants to hear the construction going on so he knows what his microphone will pick up.
Howard read about what the President of Brazil was saying about taking the vaccine and how he won't do it because he has antibodies.
Howard said a lot of people are asking to hear the Bang O'clock song that Donnie Vie did. He said he'll play that when they go out. He read some feedback about the song. He got a lot of positive feedback about the song. Howard said he may have to work on more.
Howard said he can hear the construction but it's not that bad. He said it's not horrible.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's calling because of JD. He said he has something called self stimulating behavior. He said that's what the rocking back and forth is. He said he used to work with handicapped people and they had that. He said it can also go into masturbation and he may have that too. Robin said he may have that too.
Beth came in and said that the house is shaking upstairs because of the construction. Howard said she has to hear the song that Donnie Vie covered for her. Beth told him to send it to her. Howard said he's playing it at the end of the show. He said the banging isn't so bad. He said that he loves Beth so much. She ran out of the room. Howard asked if she wants to hang. She was gone.
Howard said he likes this show called ''Love on the Spectrum'' on Netflix. He said you have to see season 1. He said season 2 is coming out tomorrow on Netflix. He said he and Beth love it. Robin said now she has to see what this is.
The caller brought up something that Howard hit the dump button on. Robin said Joe Pesci can talk about that if he wants to.
Howard said Beth ran out of there when he brought up the Bang O'clock thing. He said he was thinking about Robin laughing at him if they had ever had sex. He said she would have laughed at his penis. He said he sat down to pee in the bathroom during the break. He said he has a urinal in his other bathroom. He said he just didn't want to pee and miss and make a mess.
Howard said he thinks he had better aim at some point. He said he doesn't have a lot to work with down there so it's hard to aim. He said the pee can go all over the place.
Howard said Robin once told him that she took a 10 inch penis and he knew that she wouldn't want him after that. Howard said that's like 10 of his penises. He said it really stuck with him because the guy was short. Robin said he was a little guy.
Howard said Sal took a beating in the email. He said that he mentioned that he finds dimes and saves them in a jar. He said the fans think he's a moron pretty universally. Robin said he has a ceremony for each dime he finds. Howard read some of the feedback about that dime thing and someone said Sal's wife probably throws the dimes out there for him to find so he looks like a dumbass. Someone asked how many of those dimes Sal could fit in his pouch.
Howard said the band Coldplay will be on Wednesday's show. He said he has a song inspired by Sal to a Coldplay song. He played that for Robin.
Howard got a knock on the door so he opened it up and it was fake Gary Busey. Fake Gary brought spirituality and how he went to the other side when he was in a motorcycle accident. He was rambling like the real Gary. Howard asked him about Sal and his dimes. Gary said that he believes what Sal says about the dime thing and he has found 953 himself.
Howard said that he certainly has the gift of gab. He said he loves him. He said he's a real talker.
Howard asked Gary if he has anything else to say. Fake Gary said he'd like to meet up and play tickle and pee with him. He said he'll tickle him and hold him down until he pees.
Howard let Gary go. Fake Gary said he's not leaving. Howard said he doesn't have a door closing sound effect. The guys played one for him but Gary was still there. Howard let him go again and he finally left.
Howard said finally in the fan feedback they got a ton about a caller who said he was planning a threesome. He read some of the comments they got about that. Howard said Ronnie weighed in on that threesome thing with Mark. He played a clip of Ronnie talking about threesomes.
Howard said that someone said that Ronnie's threesome story shows that it wasn't really a threesome if he didn't fuck the girl. Howard said Ronnie's first threesome was when he had a dog in the bed with him.
Howard said last week they talked about the MTV Video Music Awards. He said that he noticed that everyone was half naked. He said Eddie Trunk made some points about that on his show. He had some audio from Eddie's show where they talked about the nudity and said that Howard started the trend 30 years ago with Fartman. Eddie said Howard started that trend at the VMAs 30 years ago.
Howard said 30 seconds later Eddie passed out from yelling. He said the man is upset about it. Howard said Eddie Trunk is one of the SiriusXM personalities there.
Howard said the noise isn't too bad there with the pounding. He said it's horrible if you're there. He said he can work through that.
Howard said he's going to end the show now. He said tomorrow they'll get to Debbie and Jeff the Vomit guy. He said he'll get to OJ Simpson and the Back to School Staff Stories. He said he'll also play the Donnie Vie Bang O'clock song as they end the show today. He said he's going to do a commercial read and then play the song.
Howard asked if Donnie is back together with Chip Z'Nuff. Gary said he doesn't think they are.
Howard said the guys were telling him that Gary was terrified of being in the cross hairs when the show came back. Gary said they were doing Summer School over the summer and they were thinking that Howard might come back and save up his yelling for someone. He said it could have been him or JD. Howard said he's not really yelling at anyone.
Howard said he knows stuff about Gary that he's afraid to tell him. He said he knows his shoulders hurt and he won't tell him. Gary said he was afraid to tell him that the pain is moving like Dr. Sarno would say. Howard said that's exactly what it is. Robin asked what the pain is if it's not a phantom pain. Howard said it's real pain but whatever. He said he's not going to go through this.
Howard said Gary recently moved and sold 2000 pieces of vinyl and kept 200. Gary said he found a guy who Harvey Leeds told him about. He said Meg Griffin sold some of her collection too. Howard said he had no idea. He asked why she would sell her collection. He said that he figured she was married to her vinyl.
Howard asked Gary what he let go. Gary said most of it. He said he kept a lot of the autographed stuff and box sets. He said he just didn't have room for it. He said he put some of the stuff in the new house in the cabinets there. He said he's still working on his new listening spot. He said that's wherever Mary tells him to listen.
Howard said just get rid of all the vinyl. He said you can stream and listen to SiriusXM. Gary said he does that too. Howard said Gary is considering selling his Juke Box too. Gary said the best part is the animation art is in storage and he's trying to sell that too. Howard said Gary is cleaning out.
Howard asked what he got for his vinyl. Gary said it was less than he thought. He said he got about $3,000 for it. Howard said that's not bad. He said no one wants that shit. Gary said some of his records had been in a flood so the covers were a little messed up. He said he had plenty of quality stuff. He said he had a bunch of Led Zeppelin box sets that weren't even opened.
Howard said he's sure that Meg's collection was in perfect condition. He said she'd never let her vinyl get wet. He said she loved vinyl. He said he wanted her so bad when they were working together when they were young. He said he guarantees she handles her vinyl with white gloves. She said she probably has one of those brushes with the fluid that you wipe the vinyl with.
Howard said they had a Program Director when he was starting out and you had to wear white glove when you handled the records. He said they had to stay in pristine condition
Gary said there are special ways to save your vinyl and protect it so Meg probably has all of that. Howard said Meg was so good on radio. He said she was super hot too. He said he's not sure if it's just him or not.
Howard said he once got stuck in a room with Meg's husband during a snow storm. He said he'd rather have been stuck in a room with Meg though. He said he's not square what happened to Joe. He said he still stays in touch with Meg. He said she went toe college to be a veterinarian but she got into radio and became a DJ. He said she loves it. He said she loves vinyl and men who live vinyl.
Howard said he has a lot more to ask Gary about but he wants to end the show. Robin was still laughing about what Gary made with the vinyl sale. Gary said he lost weight over the vacation too. Howard said he can see. He said Gary was also known as Gadget Gary at one time. He said he became an expert on tech. He said then Geraldo Rivera had a show and invited Gary on to talk about gadgets. He said that's where he was asked about the iPad and Gary said that was a ''bit of a stumble'' for Apple. He said that Gary doesn't really know anything about tech. He said he was thinking about Geraldo having Gary on the show as an expert but now he realizes that all of these shows don't really have experts on. He said they're not experts at all. Gary said there's a guy who is a psychologist on one of the news channels and he can talk about any subject and he's all over the place.
Howard played a clip of Gary on the Geraldo Rivera show talking about tech in movies. Howard said this Gary drives him crazy. He said he thinks he knows everything. Gary said he had to talk about something on the show.
Howard said Gary not saying he's not an expert is what drives him crazy. He said that it was his big moment though. He said he got to be on Geraldo and on the CW. Howard played more of the audio where Gary said that the iPad was a ''bit of a stumble'' for Apple. Then he said that they'll sell a ton of them though. Howard laughed through all of that.
Howard said Gary was wearing a spindle necklace on the show. He said he was looking for an identity. Gary said he may have been wrong in that clip. Howard said he contradicted himself saying they'll sell a ton of them but it was a bit of a stumble. Howard said that's a hit. He said he did think about that clip over vacation. He said maybe it's good that he didn't call. He said he's sure that he would have just had a nice conversation. He said he missed Gary. Gary said he was a very early adopter of Sonos and Amazon Alexa. Robin said they never got those reports. Gary said that they made fun of him over that.
Howard said Gary is still going strong and Geraldo's show is gone. He thanked Gadget Gary for that and wrapped up the show. He did a live commercial read and played the Donnie Vie cover of ''Bang O'clock'' to end the show. They were done around 11:05am.
Howard started the show talking to fake Caitlyn Jenner about her loss in the election. He said they were in the middle of it since she called him all bummed out. Caitlyn said California will get what they deserve so fuck 'em. Caitlyn said she'll be flying away on her private plane when California falls off the rest of the country.
Howard said Caitlyn would have made a beautiful governor. Caitlyn said she only got 1 percent of the vote so the other 99 percent can go fuck themselves. She said the state has no water and it's drier than her fake vagina.
Howard said it must be depressing to lose the election. He asked if she thinks it's the misogyny. Caitlyn said that it's also that they're not ready for a trans governor and a powerful woman to run that state. Robin asked if she has a plan for the homeless and the surfers. Caitlyn said she does. She said she's pro-vaccine but anti-mandate.
Howard said he was reading that her daughter Kylie is pregnant again. He asked if she calls her Grandma. Caitlyn said she likes a Me-Maw kind of name. She said she needs attention. She said she needs that like Howard needs fake laughter from Robin.
Howard asked Caitlyn if she's going to run for governor again or even senate. Caitlyn said she's in orbit looking for something to do. She said she may go on OnlyFans and show off her new pussy. Howard said he'd love to see that.
Caitlyn said she was thinking of dating someone famous. She said maybe Dennis Rodman or that Qanon guy. Howard said Dennis would open her right up. Caitlyn said she was thinking she should date OJ. She said she's not afraid of him. She said she'd kick his ass if he tried to stab her. Howard said if she dated OJ or Bill Cosby that would get people talking about her.
Howard said he was just trying to console her. He said he was a shoulder to cry on. Caitlyn said she spends a lot of nights like this. She said she cries herself to sleep. She cried and said she has to take some hormones. She took some without water and made an odd noise as she did that.
Howard said she should pour herself a Cosmo and watch some Sex and the City episodes. Howard said he has to thank Caitlyn for staying around while he got on the air. He said this conversation cut into show time.
Howard said when Caitlyn was campaigning she was out on Celebrity Big Brother in Australia. He said that might have been a bad idea. Robin said that may not have helped. Caitlyn said she's just doing what she wants and she has no idea what she's doing. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said he has been very reflective lately. Robin asked if the new generation isn't have a great time now. Howard said not at all. He said that he and Beth were talking about Fred's daughter going to college. He said time is flying by. He said with COVID you can't be having a great time. He said he really would have been isolated if that was happening when he was in school. He said he used to go to the campus radio station and hang with people.
Robin made a joke about Fred's daughter being stuck at home with Fred. Howard said he thinks that she needs a time out. Fred said that you don't want to be with your parents at that age. Howard said he's been trapped at dinner with Fred. He said that's not good. He said if you really want to cut him up then they can do that. He said if he had to be trapped in a house at that age he'd rather be with Fred. Howard said he knows that kids are having a hard time now getting out of the house.
Howard said he was reflecting on Lars from Metallica talking about the three albums that came out in the 90s that came out within weeks of each other. He asked if Robin remembers what they were. Robin said no. Howard said it was Nirvana, Soundgarden and Pearl Jam. He said they were at K-Rock at the time and they were pulling ratings in the morning but he station wasn't getting ratings in the afternoon. He said they were a rock station and they had a lot of things over and over again.
Howard said they had left NBC and went to K-Rock. He said Jay Thomas was on in the mornings and they were on in the afternoon. He said he felt like he was the right fit to be on in the morning. He said he's a rock and roller at heart. He said people know that about him. He said Jay went on to a great career. He said rest in peace Jay. He said they took over mornings and then those records came out. He said it was Pearl Jam, Nirvana and Soundgarden and the station got to be cool. He said they turned it into an alternative station. He said it was very cool.
Howard said they were talking to Lars about that and he was right about the trajectory of radio changing. He said he looked it up last night. He said it was 1991 when those albums came out. He said they came out between August 27th and September 24th of 1991. He said Pearl Jam came out first and then Nirvana and Nirvana broke big first. He said that those guys didn't look like rock stars. He said they were in flannel and stuff. Howard played a little bit of Nirvana's ''Smells like Teen Spirit.''
Howard said Dave Grohl is coming on again and he wrote a book. He said he read the book over the summer and it's really good. He said it's coming out in October. Robin said he's prolific. She said he's doing all kinds of things. Howard said he's a busy beaver. He said Dave will be on next Tuesday. He said the book is called The Storyteller. He said he's a good storyteller. He played a clip from an interview he did with Dave where Dave was talking about some band history.
Howard said Dave said in the book that when he wanted to do a drum fill he would wait until Kurt was going for the guitar pedal. Howard said he loves those guitar pedals. He said he wants to do that if he ever gets in a band.
Howard said there's a lot of cool stories in Dave's book. He said he never knew this but Kurt Cobain was such a punk and rebel that he hated everything commercial in rock and roll. He said when the album hit they had to go to England and the guy on the TV show told Kurt to make it sound good they can't sing live and he had to sing to a backing track. He said Kurt didn't like that. He said the guy tells Kurt to sing to a backing track and when it comes on he sang the song with the microphone in his mouth and didn't give a shit. He had some tape of that. He played the clip and Kurt sounded like Weird Al according to Howard.
Howard said that album was mind blowing when it came out. He said it changed the whole course of the radio station. He played some Nirvana ''In Bloom'' and said that Butch Vig produced that record. He said that Kurt didn't want to double his voice but Butch would have to convince him to do stuff like that.
Howard had some audio of Butch talking about how they recorded some parts of the ''In Bloom.'' They had Butch talking about how he doubled up Kurt's voice after convincing him that if John Lennon did it then he could do it.
Howard said he might just go to producing. He said he's at a crossroads in his musical career. He said he doesn't need experience. He said he can be like Trump and just go right to President after not doing anything. He said he can be Howard Vig. He said that's such a cool name.
Howard played some ''Come as You Are'' and said he heard a cool story about that. He said Kurt grew up in Aberdeen, Washington and they had a sign saying ''Come as you are'' when you came into town. He said it was such a great song. He said that kind of jarred him when he would sing and then start yelling. He said he thinks Dave said that they lived the band The Pixies and he doesn't even know who they are. Robin said he has to go listen to them now. Howard said he has no time.
Howard played some ''Lithium'' and said he could sing the opening of that. He said they had to stop recording for months because Kurt blew his voice out singing that. Howard said that's why he worries about Dave Grohl sometimes. He said he doesn't know how he preserves his voice.
Howard said 4 months later they knocked Michael Jackson out of the number 1 slot. He said he asked Dave what it was like when they got to be number 1. He said they kicked Michael Jackson off the charts. He played a clip of Dave talking about on the show in and interview. Dave said it was hilarious that they got there.
Howard said at the same time Soundgarden came out. He said that was on September 24th. He said that Chris Cornell was a great singer and Bad Motorfinger was their third album but this one broke through. He played some ''Outshined'' and said he knows nothing about lyrics but the one thing that sticks in his head is ''I'm looking kind of California and feeling Minnesota.'' He said that these guys were so good. He said they were talking to Chris one time about how they dressed. He said that became a uniform like spandex did in the 80s. Howard played a clip where they talked to Chris Cornell about the things they were wearing and how it became a style.
Howard said he was wearing that stuff back then. He said it was not good. He said he looked like he had just rolled out of bed.
Howard said he was reading about how they want to bring back Wooly Mammoths but why not bring back Kurt Cobain if you want to do that. Robin said you can't recreate that person. She said the mammoths aren't going to be the exact same thing that was around thousands of years ago.
Howard said they were talking about how grunge changed fashion. He said the whole country looked like a smelly lumberjack. Robin said the older rock stars were looking weird because they were all dressed up. Howard said they were like Superman in his costume. Howard said those guys started getting embarrassed showing up in spandex. He said Nirvana, Pearl Jam and Soundgarden embarrassed everyone with what they were wearing. He said it was good for the station and good for the bands to get them into wearing normal clothes.
Howard said Tom Morello was on the show talking about how much Soundgarden changed the scene. Howard played a clip of Tom talking about that stuff.
Howard played some Soundgarden ''Rusty Cage'' and said this was a tough one to perform according to Chris. He said imagine trying to do this one live and trying to sing at the same time.
Howard said Johnny Cash did a version of ''Rusty Cage.'' He played some of that cover. He said he got some sort of Grammy nomination for that. He said it was interesting take.
Howard said Brandi Carlile did a cover of ''Searching with my Good Eye Closed.'' He played some of that song and said Brandi did it too. He played her version after that.
Howard said his nips get hard when she sings. Robin said it means she's an alien. Howard said she has a powerful voice. He said he's starting to lactate now. He said it's been so long since he touched Robin. He asked how long it's been. Robin said it's been 2 years. Howard said they went into isolation when. Robin said it was March 11th or 12th of 2020. Howard said go back and figure out how long that's been. He said it's really been a year and a half. He said he can't do it anymore.
Howard said the rest of the world seems to be seeing each other just fine but they're locked up in their basements. Robin said they'll be left there all by themselves.
Howard said he has gone to his apartment building but you have to go in one at a time. He said they don't allow crowds. Robin asked how long it takes to get to his place. Howard said his building is pretty empty so it's not long. He said most people must have a country situation or something. Robin said she has been in an elevator a few times. He said they have marks on the floor so people can move to their spots.
Howard said he had to go to the doctor and he went in and he got in the elevator and no one was in it. He said he got upstairs with no one in there. He said on his way down he was in it with some people. He said it's so stupid to have that space. He said they're in an enclosed space.
Howard said football games are happening and people are out partying. He said they read the paper and they say people are dropping dead by the thousands by the day. He said Gary isn't coming in but he goes out to theaters to see Bruce Springsteen. Robin said he just doesn't want to go to work. Howard said Gary didn't even wear a mask. He said Gary doesn't want to go back to work though.
Howard said Gary doesn't want to go to work because he doesn't want Jason looking at him. He said Gary is useless to him sitting in his house. He said he's the guy they goof on. Gary said he didn't know that was his only value. Howard said people can do his job. He said his on air value is what gives him his value. He said the plantain chips are the magic.
Howard said he wonders what Gary is doing at home when he's working. He said he sees Gary on Facebook going out everywhere. Gary said they don't go out a lot. He said they went on a family vacation. Howard said that's a lot. He said it's like Caitlyn Jenner saying she's pro-choice but also for the abortion ban.
Gary asked what he's worried about. Howard said he wants to make sure he's glued to his desk and working. Gary said that he'll see how hard he works this quarter. Howard said take it easy. He said he misses seeing him working and eating lox. He said that was the fun stuff. Howard said they don't know what Gary is up to now. Howard said he misses those moments.
Howard said catching Gary napping during the show was magic. He said you can't get that magic back. Robin said if they were working from home they never would have gotten that. Howard said he could have said his Zoom went out for 10 minutes. He said he wants all of those moments. He said he's being cheated of Gary's true value.
Robin said they have to ask Gary what he's doing now. Howard said he knows that Gary went out to Annapolis this summer. Gary said he told him that. Howard said he also heard that Gary got upset that the restaurant ran out of crab cakes. He asked if he had a tantrum. Gary said he did talk to his wife about that. Gary said that he didn't say anything to the staff about it. Howard said that's the stuff he loves with Gary.
Howard said he's telling Gary he misses him. Gary said he misses him too. He said he was in Maryland and he saw his son and his girlfriend talking to this guy who fell on the ground. He said the guy gets on all fours and the guy is peeing on the street. He said then the guy pulls his pants down and a log starts to come out of his asshole. He said he wasn't sure if that's what was happening but it was. He said it was like 8-10 inches long. He said the cops came and had to deal with the guy. He said the guy took a shit right in the street.
Gary said his son saw the guy acting weird so he thought he was having a stroke. Howard asked Gary how long he's been on the show. Gary said a while. Howard said he doesn't know when someone is auditioning to be on the show. He said he wants to be a Wack Packer.
Howard said he sees Gary and thinks he has too much free time. He said he doesn't have that with anyone else. He said he has too much free time. He said he heard he played Pickle Ball this summer. He said he shouldn't tell people that. Gary said he only played it on vacation. Howard asked what it is. Gary said he's told him before. He said it's like a shorter version of tennis. He said he kind of digs it. He said he use to play with Boy Lee. Robin asked where you play. Gary said they have dedicated courts or they convert tennis courts. Howard said he likes ''work ball.'' He said that's where you go and work and hold a ball in your hand. He said you put in 8 to 25 hours a day of work.
Howard said Gary should just be working. Robin said she thinks that Gary enjoys life and that bothers Howard. Howard said it does. He said he's miserable and working and Gary is out doing things.
Gary said Howard is miserable even when he's not working. Howard said he's always writing shit down for the show. Gary asked what brought him joy this summer. Howard said his kids visited him and he had a good time with them. Gary asked if he had fun. Howard said yeah.
Howard took a call from Michael Rapaport who said he's disgusted to hear that this animal has the audacity to see Bruce Springsteen and to do charity events. He asked what he has done for the radio show. He said he's sitting up there questioning everybody. Michael went on and on about that. Howard tried to cut him off.
Michael asked why Bruce isn't in studio. Howard said you can't blame Gary for that. He said that's his own fault for saying some things. He said he didn't want to get into it.
Gary said Michael only knows how to do one thing on this show. Michael said he has to bring Gary down and bring him to reality. Howard hung up on him. He said he was getting really angry. Gary said Michael is a glorified Wack Packer who's an air whore.
Howard said he would prefer that the guys work in the city so he can keep an eye on them. He said that Gary tried paddle boarding over the summer. Gary said he did it on vacation. Howard said that's what Gary says. Gary said they were off for a week and that's what he did. He said that's what a vacation is. Howard said he seems to have a lot of new activities. Gary said it's nothing that new.
Howard said he might have to put a camera in the house. Gary said there are cameras in there. Howard said he needs the password so he can watch him.
Howard said Gary got a Tesla over the summer. He said in his down time he figured out how to make the horn fart. He said he shouldn't have time for that. He said they have a busy show and he should just keep that quiet. Gary said people on the staff play golf and do other things. Howard said he's just talking about Gary. Gary said people like to get together and drink and things like that. He said everybody has a life outside of the show but his life is the only one Howard is interested in. Robin said Howard has always been interested in Gary.
Howard said this is what Gary had time for. He played a clip of his car honking and farting. Robin asked how long it took him to do that. Gary said it took two seconds. He said his wife hit the horn around some 13 year old kids and she loved it.
Howard said Gary should be honored that he's so interested in him. Robin said it makes it more interesting that he doesn't want the attention. Gary said he's just saying that everyone else has interests and lives. Howard said he's interested in Gary's life. He said he's more busy with nonsense. He said Gary is busy with so many things that are nonsense. He said he's busy with vinyl, pickle ball, the Tesla horn and where his crab cakes are.
Howard said Gary has to stop talking about all of this stuff. He said he's everywhere and there's too much nonsense going on. Robin said if he's at the concert without a mask then why not run around everywhere without a mask. Howard said Gary shares too much. Gary said he talks to Jason. He said that's sharing too much. Howard said Jason informs him of everything. He did an impression of Jason telling him what Gary was up to. He said that steam comes off his head when he hears that.
Howard said he has a whole team devoted to watching Gary. Gary said they have a whole team to watch everyone and squeal on everyone. He said he's the focus though.
Howard said that Eddie told them about how he got his job after the lead singer of the band had died from a drug overdose. Howard said that must be the meaning of the song ''Alive.'' He said maybe that's what it's about. He said he's going to say that even if it's not. He said Eddie claims that it was all about his upbringing. Howard played a clip from an interview Eddie where he talked about learning that his dad wasn't his biological father.
Howard and Robin talked about how that can affect people in their lives when they have to deal with things like that.
Howard said that Eddie doesn't talk about this song ''Black'' because it's about unrequited love. Robin corrected Howard on how he said ''unrequited'' so they went back and forth on that. Howard said there was a girl in high school who was so beautiful that his heart would flutter. He said that no one cared about him in high school. He said he looked her up on Facebook and she looks like an old bag grandma now. He said that he watches movies where the guy takes the shot at the girl like that but he knows his family history so he would never do that. Howard said he should have written a song about looking up the girl who looks like an old grandma now. He said he should work with Eddie on a song about that.
Howard said he has a few lines for a song like that. He said ''your tits are on the floor now'' is one line.
Howard said he has another line. He said it's ''You were so hot... 40 years ago.'' He said he didn't know ''Black'' was about unrequited love. He played more of the song. He said Eddie was probably in his boat and wasn't able to get laid. He said he had to get a career going. He said he probably had unrequited love in high school. He said he doesn't even want to talk about that song. He said it must have been more devastating than finding out your old man wasn't your old man. Howard said they might have to get him back in here to talk about his unrequited love.
Howard said he should have been playing guitar and taking karate in high school. He said you have to beat the shit out of some kid in school. He said that's like Peter Parker accidentally hitting a guy in the face with his tray. He said he ends up beating the shit out of the guy and then Mary Jo or whatever her name was looks at him differently. He asked what her name was. It was Mary Jane. Howard said he should have played guitar, taken karate and done something with his hair. He said he grew it down to his waist and had it parted in the middle. He said he should have had a curly ''Fro''. He said that would have been better for him. He said he should have worn shades all the time too. He said instead he had that ugly hair and a bad look. He said he did everything wrong. He said he can't point to one thing he did that was right.
Robin said he never would have become creative. Howard asked who cares. He said he would have been getting laid on a semi-regular basis. He said he should have had a guitar with pedals.
Howard said he can't believe that Eddie won't talk about the song ''Black'' and only saying it was about unrequited love.
Howard said then there's ''Jeremy.'' He played some of that and said it wasn't about a real school shooting but it was about a kid he knew who came to class and shot a fish tank. He said that Eddie puts his whole voice into that song. He said if he did that he'd lose his voice for 10 days.
Howard said to wind this up he has Eddie talking about the music scene in Seattle. He played that clip where Eddie talked about that scene and what it was like.
Howard said when Lars was on talking about those albums coming out at the same time it got him thinking. He said it was a pretty amazing time. He said they were working at a station that was kind of burning out. He said it was a great gift to these stations. Howard said that inspired a bunch of great bands. He played some examples of Rage Against the Machine, Green Day, Smashing Pumpkins, Stone Temple Pilots, Radiohead, Foo Fighters and more.
Howard said thanks to those three bands we got a lot of great music. He said he salutes all of those bands. He said rest in peace to Kurt Cobain and Chris Cornell. He said luckily they still have Eddie with us. He said he's become somewhat close to Eddie. He said they have spoken to each other a few times and they share their art. He said he's an artist in many ways now. He said that he's a renaissance man. He said they're thinking of getting together and playing pickle ball together. He said that's making him upset thinking about Gary playing pickle ball.
Howard said he loves that man Gary. He asked how long he's been with him. Gary said it's been 37 years. Howard said his only complaint is that he should be too busy to learn pickle ball. He said that stuff upsets him. He said Gary does things like taking sepia pictures and things. Gary said he's living his life.
Howard said he just wanted to mention those bands. He went into a live commercial read for Trojan condoms after that. He spent a few minutes talking about why he loves condoms so much. He said it's a fun way to brag that you're getting laid without saying anything.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if we're ever going to get to a point in American music where they have bands like Pearl Jam again. He said now it's all Tik Tok stars with one song. Howard said he's not sure. He said the 60s and 70s were like a renaissance. He said it was mind blowing what was going on. He said in the 80s they had a couple of things going on. He said there was music going on but then the 90s exploded. He said it was explosive in the 90s. The caller said he's worried that they're not promoting good music anymore.
Howard said some of the young guys on the show say there is a lot of good music out there but you have to go find it. He said there's no more radio and they're playing everything on streaming services. He said he doesn't buy it. The caller said the last album he really listened to in full was that Pearl Jam ''Ten'' album. Howard said Billy Corgan's last solo album was crazy good. He said
Howard played Pearl Jam's ''Oceans'' live version. Howard said he listened to this a lot. He said that's so good. He told Robin he's putting on his Trojan now. He said Robin knows she's intrigued. Fred played a bunch of clips of Robin saying sexual things.
Howard said he likes that cover of ''Highway to Hell'' that Tom Morello, Bruce Springsteen and Eddie Vedder did. He said he wasn't into it at first but now he's heard it a few times and he really digs it. He played some of the song. Howard said he likes that song. He said that's Tom on guitar.
Howard told Erica that his mother told him that this isn't real life too. He said that she told him that his sister and his mother are real women.
Howard asked Erica if her son sees stuff like that mom and step son porn. Erica said that she tried to watch one of the videos that he was watching and it was a step brother thing. She said she doesn't get it.
Howard said he thinks it would have been really bad for him if he had access to that stuff like they do in these times. Howard said he had to jerk off to girdle ads. He said he was jerking off to Gilligan's Island and things like that.
Howard said he's with Erica about the whole thing. He said that kids know everything now. He said it's like sex education gone berserk. Erica said they don't have sex education in school anymore. Howard said he's pretty sure that it's a bad thing to have access to all of that. Erica said it was innocent when they were growing up.
Howard said when you talk to some of these kids they know what gaping is at 10. He said you wonder how old these kids are talking about this stuff. Erica said her dad had Playboys when she was growing up. She said they eventually turned to videotapes. She said she understands the curiosity. Howard said his dad had a porn stash too and he found that stuff. He said that he learned how to read real quick. He said he was reading and jerking off. He asked if you've ever tried to jerk off while reading a book.
Erica asked what she should tell her son. Howard said maybe he should talk to him. Erica said she wishes he could. She said she just dropped him off at school. She said that he's very shy and she doesn't shame him over it. She said the stuff is so explicit though. Howard said that she has to be careful with all of that. She said she has a friend who told her kids that it's like a muscle so the more you work it out the bigger it'll get.
Howard did his impression of his mother talking to him about hearing him jerking off and how he has nothing to be ashamed of. Howard let out a big sigh hearing that. Erica asked if she shouldn't show her son how to put a condom on. Howard let out another big sigh. Howard did his impression of his mother talking about teaching him about that.
Howard said he thinks that he likes Erica's attitude. He said that she's pretty cool about all of this. Robin said don't put too much attention on it. She said don't make it a big deal. Howard said how about make a huge deal out of it and ask about it 20 times a day. Erica said she did that the other night and she asked her son if he was watching PornHub after being in the bathroom for a long time. Howard said she's making a joke about it. Robin said that she should tell her son that he can come to her with any questions at any time.
Erica said her son masturbated at the age of 4 and she told him that was okay. Howard said she can tell him that she can't afford to go through so much tissue. Erica said that she does run out of toilet paper a lot. She said that she's not sure where it's all going. She said she's taking from this that it's not that big of a deal and she's handling it right.
Howard said kids aren't so innocent now. He said he's glad he had daughters. He said he doesn't want to talk to his son about jerking off. Robin said she knew things were going in the wrong direction when she was playing with Howard's kids in a playground and this little boy came over and talked about porn that he was seeing at the age of 5.
Howard said he thinks it's bad that kids are getting exposed to hard core porn so much at such a young age. He said he's not sure what to do about it. He said he thinks that Erica is handling it right for the most part. He said maybe don't invade his privacy though. He said that she can tell him that she'll take to him whenever he wants. He said that you don't want him turning out like Ronnie and yelling cunt every 5 minutes. Howard said they're seeing stuff like guys pissing on women and that's just not good.
Erica said that her son's father's wife is the one who got him a phone. She said that she's a single mother and she doesn't have control over the parental controls on the phone. Howard said she should have put a stop to the phone thing. Erica said you fight the battles that you can and let go of the rest. She said she didn't want to go there with her. She said that she wanted to keep in contact with him in that way. Howard said she should have been the one to put the parental controls on the phone.
Howard said he feels her pain with the whole thing. He said people are growing up too fast. Erica said next time she'll have him call Howard and get advice right from him. She said he's a good boy so if this is the worst thing then she's doing okay. Howard let her go and said that kid is going to grow up major pervy. He said he didn't want to tell her that.
Howard said the guys who are with his daughters are very respectful to them. He said they are very woke and maybe it's not as bad as he thinks. He said it seems really dark though. Robin said it's more and more out there that women and men are having sex and the earlier it's introduced then you have to learn to handle that appropriately.
Howard said he needed explicit porn when he was growing up. He said he didn't even know where to put it in. He said he needed that to learn from.
Howard said he thinks he lost his virginity to a belly button. He said that looked like something he could put his penis in. He said he came pretty fast. He said he didn't know what a clitoris was until he was about 51.
Howard came back and said he watches Gavin and Gwen Stefani singing this song when they were married. He said it's so good. He said that they're doing this duet thing and it's so great. He said he loves it because now they're broken up. He said he thinks he likes it better now. He said Gavin told him he wrote this in his bedroom.
Howard said they're minutes away from playing the game. He said that they have to talk about who the guy was that jerked off in class and finished with no one seeing it. He said he had no sexual feelings in school so he'd never do that. He said he can't imagine doing that. He said he had a good looking Spanish teacher too. He said he liked her. He said he doesn't think she liked him though.
Howard said they had a class where they heard tapes of Spanish speaking people and you had to repeat after them. Howard said he wasn't able to do it. Robin said she remembers language lab but she doesn't remember the teacher breaking in. Howard said his teacher would tell him to ''repeata.'' He said one of his daughters can speak Spanish fluently. He said it's impressive. He said she didn't inherit that ability from him.
Howard said his teacher would tell the class about going to Machu Picchu and come back speaking Spanish. He said he wasn't good at any of that stuff.
Howard took a call from Apples who said he was watching Ronnie on Instagram the other day. He said he wishes Howard would have one for painting only. Howard said he has that but he only has 27 followers. He said he doesn't want regular fans on there because he doesn't want them talking about his art. He said he has his kids on it and Jimmy too. He said he has a couple of guys who are good painters who he wants opinions from. He said he has like 10 billion requests from fans but he won't let them on. He said he's not being a dick but he doesn't want fans bashing his art. Robin said they had a place for fans to go at one time but it went horribly wrong and they had to shut it down.
Howard said he's happier ignoring everyone and just doing the painting. He said sometimes he'd like to open it up to people. He said someone wanted him to do an art show. Apples told him he can shut off the comments when you post. Howard said he wants comments from some people like the other artists. He said he gets advice from them and it's kind of cool. He said he doesn't want to turn those off.
Howard said it sounds like a lot of work that he doesn't have time for. Apples said that he could charge for it. Howard said that's lame. Apples said it's worth paying for and he loves it. He said that he saw Howard painting with Beth behind him and it was really cool. Howard said that was on his wife's account and sometimes he'll put his art on there.
Apples said he likes the card game they play on the account too. Howard said they do play a card game. He said that's a black owned business that makes that game. He said that he didn't know that until someone told them about that. He said that he pretended that he knew that. He said he plays blackjack and that card game. Apples said it's called ''Actually Curious'' and he bought it. Apples said he wishes they could play that game with Ronnie. Howard said he really has to go.
Apples said that he saw Ronnie getting upset about Stephanie smoking weed while he's out of the house. He said that Ronnie was asking if she's smoking weed while he's out of the house. Howard said he can see Ronnie getting jealous of that.
Howard asked Ronnie where he went that he got upset about that. Ronnie said they were doing it together. He said this guy is the biggest creep. He told Howard to hang up on him. Howard asked if he's smoking weed now. Ronnie said once in a while. He said he got that stuff he got out in L.A. He said it's fucking awesome.
Howard asked if weed is legal out there. Ronnie said it is and there are dispensaries out there all over the place. He said you can just walk in and get it. He said he has a friend who runs one there. Howard asked if he gets a price break. Ronnie said they pay full. He said it's really nice. He said the joints come in little tubes like cigars. He said it's pretty cool. He said they have little tips on the end like the old Tiparellos cigars.
Howard asked if he does edibles. Ronnie said he's scared of those. He said he had a bad time with that stuff once.
Apples kept asking questions but Ronnie said he's not hearing him. He said this guy is such a creep.
Howard asked how the wedding plans are coming. Ronnie said they're not in the house yet. He said they're going to wait until they're settled. Apples asked if he has closed on the house yet. Ronnie said he's not answering his questions. He said he'll talk to Howard if he hangs up on this asshole.
Howard said he liked Ronnie's tweet this morning about it being a ''Good titty Tuesday.'' Ronnie said he has a few pictures up on there already. He said that Monday is Happy Monday. He said Wednesday is Hump day and Thursday is Thong Thursday. He said he has highlight of the week at the end of the week.
Howard said what he's afraid of is Ronnie trying to cram all of this stuff in while he's there. He said he was up until 4am. Ronnie said it was the first time. He said that he had a friend come in and they hung out on Saturday night. He said they went out to this restaurant and got fucked up pretty good. Howard said he's an older gentleman so he's worried about that.
Howard asked why he was out until 4am. Ronnie said they didn't go out to dinner until almost 11. He said his plane came in late. Ronnie said this guy is buying an exotic car out there so that's why he came in. Howard asked if he took a nap before that. Ronnie said they were at a hotel pool all day Saturday. He said that Stephanie passed out so he went out by himself. Howard said he has a lot of energy. He said he can't stay up that late. Howard said he has to nap.
Howard asked if Ronnie is yawning the whole night. Ronnie said no. He said he had a lot of fun. He said he was out at the track by 2 in the afternoon. He said he was out there because his friend was buying the car and he got a test drive at the track.
Apples asked what kind of car it was. Ronnie didn't want to answer but he told Howard it was a Lamborghini. Apples asked Howard to ask if he got to drive it. Ronnie said he didn't get to. He said it was just his friend. Howard said that sounds like he's very busy out there. Ronnie said it was just the one time. He said he hasn't been doing that much.
Howard asked what he did out there after eating. Ronnie said they were just hanging out in a bar drinking. Howard asked if people came up to him and asked him questions. Ronnie said with masks on people don't really recognize you. Howard said he's afraid of turning into Lady Diana out there. Robin asked if you have to wear a mask at the bar. Ronnie said not while you're drinking.
Howard said he has a tremendous energy output. He said just don't burn out. Robin said they should study Ronnie and figure out what he's not doing that allows him to do all of this. Howard said he thinks that he doesn't worry about anything. Howard said he worries about everything himself. He said Ronnie just goes out and hangs out. He said he has seen him in action. Robin said just going out to eat at 11 o'clock would drive Howard nuts. Howard said Ronnie just does it.
Howard played a song parody the guys made about Ronnie getting upset with Apples calling into the show. Ronnie said Apples is all happy about that. Apples said he wishes they could smoke some weed together and hash this all out. Ronnie said that's not happening.
Howard asked if he and Stephanie have banged in the house yet. Ronnie said not yet. He said they'll be getting furniture soon and they'll have this place they're in now until the end of October. He said they don't have to rush into the new house. He said he has things coming in and they're setting up. He said there's a lot of stress in moving.
Fred did his Ronnie Puppet voice and had him complaining about the backwards house and things. Howard said he thinks the best Apples call was when he called and asked about Lucky Charms. He said that's what set Ronnie off. Ronnie said he's such a creep because he called in saying that Stephanie only eats them because of Beth eating them.
Ronnie said that Apples should stop worrying about him and worry about his own comedy career. He said he's a fucking weirdo.
Howard asked when they're going to start planing the wedding. Ronnie said probably after the first of the year. Howard said that might be enough time.
Apples was still asking a lot of questions but Ronnie wasn't talking to him. Howard said he should wrap up because Ronnie isn't talking.
Howard said he's not sure why Ronnie isn't involved in this game. Ronnie said he was asked questions for it but he doesn't think that it was interesting enough or something. He said he had a kid in his class that would take his dick out and he'd stick it into that compartment in the desk and jerk off into that shelf with tissues. He said they used to catch him. He said the guys would see it and they'd start yelling to each other about it. He said a couple of times the guy was about to blow his load and wasn't able to stop. He said it was crazy. Howard said he bets that guy is in jail now. Ronnie said they all knew he was doing it and they would bust his balls so bad.
Howard said he went to a tough school and kids would smoke weed in health class but the teachers were afraid to say anything. He said it's like when Trump was president and all of the nuts were out there storming the Capitol and all of that kind of stuff.
Howard said that Ronnie didn't get into the game because one of his stories was about skipping school to go horse back riding. Fred did more Ronnie Puppet and had him telling school stories.
Howard said he's going to let Apples go. Apples said he loves Ronnie. Ronnie said he's so sick of his voice. Apples asked if he had sex in school at all. Ronnie said if he did he would have had a story for the game. He said he's not going to make something up. Robin asked how old he was when he had sex the first time. Ronnie said at about 10 he was caught grinding on the couch. He said at 14 he had sex for the first time.
Ronnie said he had anal for the first time at 15. He said that was with his girlfriend. He said that she was the catholic girl whose father hated him. He said she went to an all girls catholic school. He said he'd be waiting for her when she came home from school. He said they'd go right to his house. Howard asked if she was wearing that outfit. Ronnie said she was. Howard said that's so hot.
Ronnie said he dated that girl for a while but they eventually lost touch. He said that was all during the Hand Job Connie time.
Howard said Ronnie is a player. He said he thought that he got into all of that because of the show but he was doing it earlier on. He said he thought that he met the people through the show. Ronnie said he met all of these guys through Gold Rush. Howard asked how he met Kurt. Ronnie said he met him at Sirius. Howard asked how he met him there. Ronnie said he worked for Howard. Howard said that's how he met all of these people. Ronnie said he met other guys and he's not that close. He said they just hit it off. Howard said Kurt isn't hanging out with Ronnie from Queens. He said he met him because he was a celebrity on the show. Ronnie said he knows that. He said he's seeing Kurt this weekend at the races out there. He said it'll be another weekend of partying.
Howard said Ronnie put in a lot of years of work for him. He said if he has anything to do with his happiness now he's glad. Ronnie said he's very grateful for it and he knows that. Howard said he's grateful for his service. He said he never fucked up once either. He said he was always there on time. He said if he's enjoying his retirement then he's happy. Ronnie said he is.
Howard said he's amazed that he can get up after staying out until 4am. He said that he has earned that upside down and backwards home out there in Vegas. Howard let Apples go after that.
Ronnie said the pool work is going to start next week. Howard said they can be a headache. Ronnie said the weather is great out there. Howard said it's great here. Ronnie said they had a high of 87 and it was 75 last night so it was nice to eat outside. He said they're going to have a nice pool with a hot tub and a sitting area in the pool. He said they'll have a thing for two umbrellas and an outdoor kitchen. He said it's all being done by one guy. Howard said he must have over paid Ronnie. Ronnie said he did very well on his house in New York. Howard said he knows he did. He said the housing market is crazy.
Howard said he heard that Manhattan is coming back. He said people are buying and grabbing up some real estate.
Apples asked if Howard has been back in the city. Howard said he has a couple of times. He said Beth had to go into the city today. He said he doesn't like that. He said she's coming back after her appointment. He said it's routine stuff. He said he doesn't like it when she leaves.
Howard said he and Beth were holding hands in bed last night talking about how happy they are that they found each other. He asked how often that happens after 20 years. He said he's trying to remove any obstacles with things that can get in the way. He said he has to hire people to do things so Beth doesn't get annoyed.
Howard said he's going to let Apples go unless he has another question for Ronnie. Apples said he actually does. Howard hung up and said it's enough.
Robin said she's thinking about who masturbated in Spanish class. She said she's going to say it was Jason. Howard said she's right. He said that's what Sal would do. He said that Spanish class threw it all off.
Jason said that it was just once by the way. He said he was disgusted with himself. He said he had just moved and he isn't sure what he was thinking about at the time. He said he had a boner and he just flicked it and then his hand was in his pants and he figured he could get away with it so he did it. He said he got away with it.
Howard said he must have had a big stain in his pants. Jason said he was so ignored in school that he could have had the load on his pants and no one would have noticed. Howard said it's a terrible thing that he was able to do that in class and no one noticed. Jason said it was weird that he did it and got away with it.
Gary asked what he was jerking off to. Jason said he doesn't remember. He said they could have been looking at nude art or something. He said he really doesn't remember.
Howard said he has never jerked off in public. He said that he could have gone to jail over that. Jason said his dad was a teacher and he caught some kids doing that but they just got a talking to.
Howard said he has a good poker face when he cums. Richard said he could be cumming right now. Howard said he could be. He said he thinks that he was doing that while he was talking about Pearl Jam earlier.
Gary said he had direct eye contact with Benjy when he came. He said they were at some weird bachelor party and he was getting a hand job under the table and he didn't know it. He said he went to say goodbye to him and he knew it had happened.
Howard asked how Benjy didn't end up in this game. Jason said he probably didn't answer Sal's email. Robin said that he's involved in trying to redeem himself. Howard said Benjy sued to take his penis out a lot on the show. He said he stopped doing stuff like that. he said it got so weird that he used to come on the Wrap Up Show and tell stories as a character named Kip.
Howard said Jason has some notes about Benjy. Jason said that he claims he hasn't been training for the marathon. He said that he has all kinds of excuses. Howard said he heard all of that and he heard his shorts don't fit properly so he can't train. He said it's all just so stupid. Gary said he wasn't able to find the right sun hat. Howard said he can't have a real conversation with that guy.
Howard said he has another game to play. He said done of these guys sprayed a substitute teacher with a fire extinguisher. He said that's some gangster shit. Howard said he's just going to say it's Steve Nowicki. Steve said that he thought they had a safety pin in them and it was right before graduation and he got carried away. He said he had to have some fun in school before he got out. He said that he sprayed it and it soaked the teacher. He said it was really strong and he thought he was going to get the shit beat out of him. He said right after it happened he was in graduation thinking he was going to get arrested. Howard said he imagines he was a good student. Steve said he was okay. He said he would fuck around in a low key way. Howard asked where he went to college. Steve said he went to Temple University. Howard said that's a good school.
Howard said he has another school story. He said one of the guys was suspended from school for decorating his locker with naked women. Robin said that has to be Sal. Howard said she's right. Sal said she knows her creeps. Sal said that he figured if it was inside the locker no one would see it. He said he had centerfolds from those off magazines like Plumpers and Cherry. He said they were very graphic. He said they needed to get a battery for his dad's car and they went to a garage and this garage had those pictures up. He said he wanted to be cool so he put them in his locker. He said he went to get something out of his locker and he heard a teacher tell him to stop right there. He said he reached for the pictures and the teacher stopped him. He said she made him peel them off and she gave them to the principal. Sal said he mailed them to the house and he got suspended from school for a day.
Richard said they think that Sal has done way worse. He said that sounds pretty tame. Gary asked if he ever jerked off at school. Sal said he never did. He said there was no need for that. Howard said he never even thought about doing that in school.
Howard said he never thought of decorating his locker. He said that whole idea is weird. Robin said Sal was inspired by a mechanic who had nude pictures hanging up. Howard said he wasn't inspired by men landing on the moon. He wanted to be like the mechanic with naked women showing their gaping assholes.
Richard said Sal would take the porn from the glom box at Sirius and go to the bathroom. He said he thought no one knew. Sal said he got caught just that once. He said he only did it that one time. He said that he was just reading the magazines to get worked up for later after he left. Howard said Sal used to go across the street to jerk off. Sal said he did that. He said he'd get the napkins from Sbarro's. Sal said that he would get he napkins to jerk off at the booths. Richard said Sal would show him where the booths were where he'd go jerk off.
Gary asked Sal about going to get the napkins to go jerk off in Times Square. Sal said he would go to these booths and he went to one and there was a guy in a buddy booth jerking off looking at him. Howard asked why he didn't just get tissues from work. Sal said he doesn't know. Richard said Sal used to jerk off at McDonald's. He said he can stop with the story. Sal said he has jerked off in a tanning booth. Howard said that's so lame.
Howard said what's amazing to him is that a lot of the guys who get hired by shows are hired from Harvard. He said that they must think he looks for sex criminals to hire. He said it's fucked up. He said he has to get a Harvard Lampoon guy. Chris said they're doing the same thing.
Howard said Richard lived in a pile of shit and he's grateful when you give him a couple of bucks. Sal said Richard used to shower with a garden hose. Howard said you own him for 25 bucks a week.
Richard said he was happy to have an indoor bathroom when he moved to New York. Howard said a lot of these guys you train and they leave. Sal said they have nowhere to go. He said it's either jail or here. Howard laughed.
Howard said he has another one. He said this guy threw his chair, desk and himself out of a second floor window. Robin said that has to be Mike. Howard said she's right. Mike said that he would do it to get out of class. He said that he did it a few times.
Howard asked Mike where he went to school. He said it was Valley Stream North. Howard said he knows that school. He said he would look before doing it. Howard asked if the teacher saw it happening. Mike said that he remembers doing it and throwing the desk out the window. He said it was one with the chair attached to it. He said then he went right out the window after it. Howard asked if he landed on his feet. Mike said he did. He said there were wood chips or something down there. Howard asked if he was like a super hero. Mike said he was like the class clown. He said the first time he did it the teacher had walked out of the room and he jumped out the window. He said that he came back into school and the teacher didn't know how he got in there.
Howard asked when he last did this. Mike said it was in high school. Richard said he wants to see him reenact it. Mike said he did get caught for it and he got suspended. Howard asked how far into it he was. Mike said that was the last time he did it. He said it was in the last couple of weeks of school. Howard asked if he learned anything in school. Mike said he did. He said he took college more seriously.
Howard asked where he went to college. Mike said he went to Nassau Community. Howard said he figured that was where he ended up.
Howard asked if his parents got upset with him when he got suspended. Mike said they were pretty cool. Howard said he gave a speech at Nassau Community College once. He said that every kid there said they got in by throwing themselves out a window. He did an impression of Mike's very unique voice and told some stories about throwing himself out a window.
Howard said he's surprised that Mike didn't fuck any of his teachers because he's a good looking guy. Mike said he didn't. He said there were some good looking ones though.
Howard said everyone he hired has this kind of background. He said that he doesn't have the kind of guys that Conan had or Jay Leno or anyone like that. He said Jimmy Kimmel gets Harvard Lampoon kind of guys but not this show. Robin said their backgrounds are incredible. Howard said his Executive Producer is a guy who jerked off in Spanish class.
Gary said they got Sal from Suffolk community college and he never even finished. Howard said he's sure that Colin Jost wasn't putting pictures from Plumpers magazine in his locker. He said he has complete losers on his staff. He said find him guys like that and now we're talking. Richard said when Howard hired him he was sleeping on the floor of his storage unit and he had cockroaches crawling on his face. He said it's been 17 years now.
Howard said he has another story. He said this guy was constantly late to school so he forged letters from his mom to explain his tardiness. He said it ended when his mother showed up with all 25 letters. Robin said that's got to be Chris. Howard said that's Gary. Howard said a guy throwing himself out a window is an entertainer. He said with Gary he's just lying and forging letters. Robin said that's crazy that he did that. Gary said it was another time in his life. He said his dad used to leave for work and he never saw him. He said that he would always over sleep and his mom would sign the notes to explain until one day she said no more. He said that he was even putting the pen in her hand and moving her hand. He said that she refused to do it at some point. Howard said he should have drugged his mom up like that.
Robin asked how Gary got caught. Howard said he had 25 letters in a row. Gary said there were maybe 15 before that and they were real. He said someone in the office must have noticed. He said that they must have called and asked his mother about it. Gary said he was called to the office and he just confessed to the whole thing. Howard said Gary went to Adelphi college. He said that's like kindergarten. Gary said that's just not true. Howard said shame on him for having a 3.8 there.
Howard said the good news is that Gary wasn't jerking off in Spanish class. He was just forging late notes. Howard said Gary could have had a whole criminal empire. Gary said that he got grounded for like a week for that.
Howard said this next guy had sex in the school bathroom. Robin said it has to be Chris. Howard said of course. Chris said he blew a dude in 11th grade. He said he's sure that he was giving off vibes and he knows the guy pinned him on his locker and told him they were going to have fun. He said that broke the ice and he figured why not.
Howard asked why not save it for home. Chris said that his mom was wise to it at that point when he had guys home. Howard said his parents let him have girls over all the time because they knew that the girls were just friends with him. He said he had male friends over who would stay over. He said nothing was going on there though.
Chris said there was this one bathroom that no one used and this guy got on the toilet and he was standing there and he was on his knees. He said some girl came into the men's room and saw his knees on the ground. He said weeks later the guy blew him at a party they were at. He said halfway through he got up and left. He said they were in a basement and he felt the cool air hitting his cock. He said it was like a menthol kind of sensation. He said he had left his chewed up gum inside his foreskin. He said the guy did that and took off. He said he's not sure if he left because the smell was bad and he put the gum in there for that or what. He said it freaked him out that they never talked again.
Howard said this is the kind of employees that he's looking for. Robin asked what happened with the girl interrupting them. Chris said that nothing interrupted them.
Howard said the next guy is Richard and he brought two snakes to class and let them out as they were about to get out of class. He said he has a bunch of weirdos there. He said he loves all of them though. Robin said she used to be in the same building with them. She said now she's afraid. Jason said they used to bring food and water to her. Robin said she knows.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he told a teacher that he wanted to get her before he graduated. He was trying to tell the story but kept getting interrupted. The caller said he ended up getting this gym teacher in her office. He said they'd put paper on the windows and she'd write him out of class. He said he got caught for being out of class for most of the year. Howard asked if he wants to join the staff. The caller said he has so many stories it's unbelievable.
Howard said he has to tell him that he's not a Harvard guy. The caller said he's a Princeton guy. Howard said good. Howard asked if the gym teacher was hot. The caller said she was.
Howard said he's had enough of this. He said at least he didn't peak in high school. He said he waited until he was 50. Robin said this is quite a crew he has. Someone said it's the dream team. Howard said Martin Luther King had a dream but this is his dream.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who wants to audition for a role on the show. He took the call from a fake caller who was talking about all of the shitty things he's done in his life. Howard said he's hired.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wants to write for the show too. She said she went to U Penn and interned at Letterman for 2 years. She said she's never done anything illegal though. Howard said ''okay, bye!'' and hung up on her.
Howard thanked the guys for revealing those moments from their lives. He said tomorrow they have Coldplay on. Robin said thank goodness.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she did those things that all the guys mentioned and she went to a community college. She said she blew guys in music class during band practice. She said she jumped out a window but didn't masturbate in class.
Howard said he's going to ask Coldplay what classes they jerked off in. He did a live commercial read and ended the show around 10:45am.
Howard started the show talking about a special mash up of a Coldplay song and Howard and Rob Zombie's ''Great American Nightmare.'' Howard said he's looking forward to talking to those guys today. He said he talked to Chris Martin a couple of years ago and they haven't seen them in a while. He said they're doing a SiriusXM concert from the Apollo theater. He said that's how that all came about.
Howard said the Apollo is big and he joked that he had appeared there before going on the Ed Sullivan show. He said the audience would boo you if you sucked. He said a guy would come out with a hook and drag you out of there.
Howard said this is Coldplay's first performance since the pandemic. He said they're going to do a couple of shows for them today. Robin said she didn't know they have 7 Grammys. Howard asked Robin how many she has. Robin said she has exactly zero.
Howard took a call from a woman who said yesterday she felt really bad for Gary. She said he works really hard for him. Howard asked how she knows that. She said she doesn't but she thinks he does. She said he books good guests. She said she worries about Howard. She said the pandemic is really hard on him. Howard said his psychiatrist talked him down from 100 to about a 50. He said that he was super angry and he didn't even know it until he started talking to him. He said he was pissed about getting older and everything.
Howard said the people who have the hardest time getting older are narcissists. He said that it set him off when he saw a picture from 15 years ago that Beth took. He said he looked good and he got upset with how he looks now. He said he's upset about aging and all of that. He said he's dealing with issues going to the doctor and all of that. He said that's what assholes do. Robin said everyone must be a narcissist then. Howard said Jane Fonda isn't one. Robin asked if he's kidding her. Howard asked why she's jumping down his throat. He said he had a wonderful conversation with her about aging. He said he asked her about getting older and she said that she doesn't look at life like that. He said she looks at what she can do now. He said she's just grateful for what she can do. Howard said that's a healthy woman.
Robin asked what's up with all the plastic surgery then. Howard said she has to see this woman. He said Robin looks very young. Howard said 99 percent of women aren't blessed like Robin. The caller said that's true. Howard said there is a lot of behavior in Hollywood that shows narcissism. He said that she is grateful for what she can do. Robin said she's not accepting all of it though. Howard said she's together. Robin said she just sees what she sees.
Howard said he knows what he sees. He said he sees Robin. Robin said he sees OJ.
Howard said he was having a conversation with Gary yesterday and then Michael Rapaport called in and it was a pile on. He said he probably should have asked Michael not to do it then. He said he was calling in and piling on. Robin said she got itchy when that happened too. She said that he shouldn't be doing it at the same time they're doing it. She said they had already taken care of it. Howard said he had already whipped Gary into shape. The caller said that Michael is crazy.
Howard said Gary was working very hard after the show yesterday. He said he put some pep in his step. He said he was hunting down guests. He said Gary is his man so he doesn't have to worry about it.
The caller told Howard he has to take care of himself. She said she's all for vaccinations and social distancing and all of that. She said she doesn't think this is ever going away and somehow we have to learn to live with it. She said you can't hole yourself up in your house. Howard said he can actually. He said Beth had to go into the city and she was wearing and not wearing her mask. He said he evaluated the whole thing for her. He said sometimes she will wear a mask and sometimes she won't. He said she had it on at the doctor's office and then off in the car. He said he banged her and then he was critical of all of that.
Howard said he went for a walk and talked to his daughter for an hour on the walk. He said he was lonely doing that. He said then Beth came home and he said he was going to bang her. He said that's his romance. He said he gave it to her very well. He said he did a really good performance. He said she told him he was very charged up yesterday. He said things must have been good for her but you never know. He said she didn't cry so that's a good sign.
The caller asked if he's going to make her get tested for COVID. Howard said no but they do get tested.
The caller said she has a friend who isn't vaccinated and her partner had COVID. She said they have had antibody tests and they have like 200 antibodies. She asked if Howard thinks because of that they don't need to get the vaccination. She asked if that's a pass. Howard said no. He said she came to the right place. He said the thing is that any doctor will tell you that even if you've had COVID you have to get the vaccine. He said these are medical doctors. He said that he doesn't go by the web sites. He said get the vaccination and it ensures that the rest of society will be safe. He said these people don't get to make the rules. He said the rule is to get vaccinated. He said there's no exception. Robin said they don't know how long the antibodies last so you have to get the vaccine. Howard told the caller not to give her friends a pass. He said they'll eventually succumb. He said that we should all be vaccinated.
Howard said Michael Rapaport went out and recorded a song about Gary. He said you have to listen to this. He said he called in and goofed on Gary and then sent this in. Howard played the song that Michael came up with about Gary not wanting to work. Howard said that's funny. He said Michael ganged up on Gary and he won't allow that anymore.
Robin said she didn't say a word. Gary said lightning is coming through her house right now from the lies. Robin said she just reminded Howard of things.
Howard said they got some email about this. He read through some of the feedback the fans sent in about Gary. People were saying he was being too hard on Gary. Someone said that Gary has to stop talking to the guys about everything. Howard said he does do that. He said people weighed in about Michael Rapaport too. He read through that feedback. There were people on both sides there.
Robin said she's concerned about Gary. She said that his premiere status is going away. She said he hasn't been on the baseball mound to throw out a first pitch. She said Conor McGregor did one and it looked like Gary's pitch. Howard said he really fucked that up. Robin said now Gary is like 6th or 7th on the list. Howard said not in his book.
Howard said Conor has an excuse. He said he grew up in Ireland or someplace like that. He said they have Cricket over there. Robin said they try to throw the ball into the ground over there. Howard said Gary grew up in America and was a Little League coach. He said Gary doesn't have an excuse. He went to a pitching coach to get help for that pitch and he still screwed it up. He said he followed it up by going on Jimmy Kimmel's show and he hit a woman in the head with the ball. He said Jimmy wanted Gary to redeem himself and he screwed that up.
Howard said Gary missed Jimmy completely and hit a woman in the head. Gary said then she died. Not from the pitch but she did pass away. Howard said a couple of weeks later Robin was on the show and she threw a perfect pitch to Jimmy. Robin said she was in high heels too. Howard said Robin did it even though she didn't get why. He said it was fine. Robin said it went right into Jimmy's glove.
Howard said there was a lot of talk about some things on yesterday's show. He read through some of the feedback about his rundown of the music of the 90s. Some fans wrote in about how good that was.
Howard said some people weighed in about how perverted the staff are. He said he has a history of hiring people who are perverts. He read about some of those stories that people wrote in about. Howard read about Jason jerking off in Spanish class and some of the other stories that the guys shared.
Howard said someone said that the whole staff should be locked up over those stories. Howard said some of the fans said they had never heard of Plumpers magazine before Sal mentioned it yesterday.
Howard played the Jack and Rod Show bit where Sal and Richard talked to a guy who was on to talk about employee health and relationships. They had clips of Howard on the line with the specialist. Howard was doing his Jeffrey Toobin voice and apologizing for his jerking off during the Zoom meeting. The specialist hung in there for a while but he asked the guys to get him off the phone or he'll hang up. He hung up.
Howard said he has to talk about the vigorous shaking of the penis. He said it gave quite an irritation.
Howard said Beth Hydrow'd twice yesterday. He said that Jimmy and Molly gave Beth this ring that keeps track of your exercise and all of that health stuff. He said he got one too but he won't wear it. He said he doesn't need a ring telling him if he got enough sleep. He said Beth wears this ring and it tracks how much you walk and all of that. He said Beth doesn't like gadgets at all but she loves Molly and Jimmy and she's so into this ring. He said if he got her that ring she'd never wear it. He said every day now by 10am she's saying she hit her goal already. He said she's so busy with the cats that she's at 9,000 steps by 10 in the morning. He said it's making him crazy when she's talking about all of the steps she got in. He said the ring tells her she slept well even if she didn't.
Howard said Beth had to go into the city for a doctor appointment. He said she was in the car for like 4 hours trying to get in there. He said the city was clogged up with Biden being there for the U.N.
Howard said that they tell you to take a day off once in a while. He said Beth did a half hour on the Hydrow. He said while he was waiting in bed for her she was taking a while. He said she told him that she did Hydrow again for a half hour. He said he was wondering why she did that. He said Beth told him she did it so she'd hit her goal. He said she wasn't able to avoid it. He said the ring is driving her crazy too.
Howard said Beth loves the Hydrow. He said she smiles while she's working out. He said her body is ripped from doing it. He said if he did it every day he'd look like a god. He said Beth should have gotten Olivia Jade's rowing scholarship.
Howard said Beth was so loopy from working out that she banged her ankle into the night table. He said he didn't want to get her ice. He said he wanted to watch Dancing with the Stars. He said he asked her if she wanted ice but she said no. He said most guys would get her ice. Howard said ice doesn't work anyway. Robin said it does work. She said it can cure it if you get it on there immediately. Howard said stop it. He said she's wrecking him today. He said he knows how to ask in a way she'll say no.
Howard said Tyra is still the host of Dancing with the Stars. He said her delivery is very unusual. He said every word is intense. He and Robin did their impressions of Tyra's way of speaking. Howard said every word is unique with her. Howard said she's been on the show and she's been very nice. Howard said she just has to calm down. He said she's pretty amped up.
Howard said he was waiting to see Olivia Jade. He said he was annoyed. He said that her mom paid to get her into college and that pissed him off. He said he was wondering what's up with scandal in this country. He said they get to go on the show to repair their image. He said that if you're involved in a sex crime you don't get to go on the show. He said people like Jeffrey Tambour don't get to go on the show but people like Olivia Jade do. Howard said Louis C.K. doesn't get to go on. Charlie Rose doesn't either. Robin said she saw that Kevin Spacey was working in some Eastern European country. Howard said Kevin can't get on Dancing with the Stars.
Howard said Olivia Jade gets on but they barely mention what her family did. He said he has some clips to play. He said Olivia comes on and says that she's best known for being an influencer. He said she's actually best known for what her parents did. Howard said that's what she should have said. Robin said whenever she appears somewhere she's there to show another side of herself. Robin asked when the other side is going to show.
Howard said dancing well doesn't excuse cheating to get into college. He said that's the convoluted thinking being on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said that's like OJ saying he's best known for being Nordberg in the Naked Gun movies. Howard said that's not what he's best known for. He said he knows him for another reason and he can't quite put his finger on it.
Howard said he wants to see OJ on the show. He said it's a weird line. He said imagine if they had Hitler on there if he hadn't killed himself. He said then he comes on and says that he's best known for being a painter.
Howard played some audio of Olivia Jade introducing herself as an influencer. She did talk about being involved in a scandal for the past couple of years. She said she wanted to show this different side of herself.
Howard said she wants to show people her work ethic so she goes on Dancing with the Stars to prove it. Howard said if you want to prove you're a hard worker then get a job and go there.
Howard said he's seen Olivia say that she's not pulling the pity card but she really is whenever she says that. He said her publicist must have told her to say that.
Howard said the Cobra Kai guy was on the show too. He said he's like 74 years old. He said he's the bad Sensei on the show. He said that guy is on TV. Robin said he's Martin (Kove) something. Robin said he can't dance and he just kept pointing. Howard said he thought that guy was going to smash the judge in the face when he said he had to learn to move his feet. Howard said he's an actor who plays a Karate guy and he had to do a Karate themed dance on the show. He said he can't get out of that stereotype. He said his agent probably said he wants him to go on and show a different side of himself. He said everyone has an agenda on that show.
Howard said he felt bad for Brian Austin Green on the show. He said he says he's best known for Beverly Hills 90210 which was like 40 years ago. He said he had an agenda too. He said Brian was married to Megan Fox who is now with Machine Gun Kelly. He said she was just on the red carpet just about naked at the VMAs. He said you don't want to see that so Brian's agenda is to say that he's fucking one of the dancers on the show. Robin said she read that they were a couple before she saw them on the show. She sad that was kind of crazy.
Howard said Brian and his girlfriend were making out. He said he's not sure how he makes money. Robin said he's still working. Howard said he didn't know he was getting work. He said he best knew him from being married to Megan Fox. He said now she's making out with Machine Gun Kelly. Howard said they have to get more honest on that show and tell people what people are really on the show for.
Howard said he likes Brian and watched him on 90210. He said that he watches that show because of those agendas they have. He said he's going to vote for Brian on the show. He said that if Beth took up with Machine Gun Kelly and basically naked on the red carpet he'd be pretty upset. He said if he saw that he'd have to go on Dancing with the Stars to fuck someone in front of America.
Howard said Olivia Jade wants people to see how hard she works but she should be out getting a job. He said he's not voting for her even though he's a fan of her's. He said that he doesn't like this.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to mention that this scandal with Olivia Jade affected her family. She said they were doing applications for colleges and it's really upsetting. She said she's not a big fan of Felicity Huffman now either. Robin said Olivia didn't really do anything. She said that it was her parents. Howard said they had her pose on a rowing machine though. He said someone had to fill her in. Robin said she's not sure if that was her posing for that. Howard said you kind of know your grades and if you get in then you might wonder why.
Howard said he was a big dummy and he got into Boston University because he found a special class to get in. Howard said if his parents told him he had gotten into Harvard he would have been shocked. He did his impression of his parents telling him he was in at Harvard.
Howard was talking to his parents about the Harvard thing and wondering how they made that happen. He had them telling him to tell people that he was American Indian if they asked when he went to Harvard. He had his mother telling him he was going on a football scholarship.
The caller said that she feels bad for these kids. Howard said don't feel bad. Howard said that court documents say that the rowing machine picture was part of the college application that her father sent in. Howard did an impression of Olivia Jade's parents telling her that she was going to USC on a rowing scholarship.
Howard said don't feel bad for Olivia. He said her parents just bought a 13 million dollar vacation home. He said he doesn't think that Olivia going to get a lot of votes. Robin said she must still have followers. Howard said he still follows her. He said he loves to watch her put on make up. He said he doesn't want her doing that well on the show so he hopes people don't vote for her.
Howard said the judges were saying that she's turning over a new page in her life. He said she's 21 and you don't get to do that so young. Howard played a clip from Dancing with the Stars where the judges were telling her that this is a new chapter in her life. Howard said he's pretty sure this is still her first chapter. In the clip Olivia said she's just grateful to have this experience.
Howard said she has 1.83 million followers on YouTube. He said he's still following her. He said he's there for watching her put on make up.
Howard asked if Casey Anthony could get a whole new chapter in her life on Dancing with the Stars. Robin said she doesn't think so. Howard asked where they draw the line. He said they had that woman from the tiger show on Netflix on Dancing with the Stars. He said she got her new chapter on the show. Howard said how about Bill Cosby or Mel Gibson. He said he doesn't think they'll get a new chapter in their lives on Dancing with the Stars.
Howard said the other thing that was ticking him off was the Broadway dancer who has been dancing for 17 years. Robin said just let her dance and smile. Howard said she's a professional dancer. He said they all have a line. He said that her husband died of COVID. He said that this ballroom dancing for her is totally different for her. He said it's completely unfair for her to be on the show competing against some of these people. Robin said Sporty Spice said the same thing. Howard said that she's a dancer and not really a singer. He said she danced around with the Spice Girls. He said she claims it's totally different than what they're doing there.
Howard said then there's that girl who came out of the closet and she's dancing with a woman. Robin said that's JoJo Siwa. Howard said JoJo was on some TV show with the word dance in it. He said that she was on Dance Moms. He said she says it's not unfair though because it's a different kind of dancing. He said you either accept that or you don't. He said he just has to go with it because he's a fan of the show.
Robin said they had openly gay cast members on the show and they would ask if they were dancing with a guy. She said they never allowed that. Howard said that they have to let the lesbians break through that wall on the show. Howard said JoJo was a better dancer than the pro she was dancing with. He said the dancer fell down during the dance and JoJo had to pock her up.
Howard said they had the black Bachelor on the show. He said that he has an agenda too. He said that he had to break up with this girl who went to an Antebellum party. He said that they broke up and got back together. Robin said she's not sure if that woman was there. Howard said there's a lot going on there. He said he likes the show. He said he loves that they all have an agenda.
Robin said they had a wrestler and another guy she fast forwarded through. Howard said he liked the wrestler. He said he got on there and started talking like his wrestling character. He said he was talking about how he's going to win in that voice. He said then he goes into his regular voice. He said they don't even pretend to be characters. He said they think they're actors. Howard said he's not sure if that guy The Rock can even act. He said he's never seen one of his movies.
Howard said he's never seen that guy is Mike ''the Miz'' Mizanin. He said he's not sure who he is. He said he's a nice looking guy. He said wrestling has become a stepping stone to acting somehow. He said he remembers when he was a kid he never saw wrestlers getting acting jobs. He said The Iron Sheik never got into any shows. He said those guys didn't dream of an acting career. He said now it's a regular thing.
Howard said everyone had an agenda. He said we'll see what happens. Robin said they had a champion basketball player on the show. Howard said no one knows who he is though. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said that there are a lot of guys doing commercials and you don't even know it's them. He said they don't get those calls at his agent's office. He said that he would love to have those big announcer reads. He said he may be too controversial though. Robin said she sees Snoop Dogg endorsing everything. Howard said he's not controversial. He said he went on Dancing with the Stars and got a new chapter. He said no one says no to him.
Howard said they asked the governor of Mississippi about COVID and how people are dying faster than they can bring people into the state. He said he was asked if he was going to recommend a mask mandate and he wouldn't answer. He said his name is Tate Reeves. Howard said this is Jake Tapper asking Tate Reeves about this stuff. Reeves said they had a surge there in Mississippi they are seeing a spike and now a decline in cases. He said that fatalities is a lagging indicator of the virus. Howard said he refused to answer the question.
Howard said he was thinking about how Mississippi there's no demand for a recall vote there. He said in California they have it and it cost the tax payers millions. He said this guy Reeves is comparing his state to Israel. He said he's really saying he doesn't give two shits.
Howard said the recall in California was all about the governor going out to a dinner during the pandemic. Robin said he did do the right thing for the state. Howard did his live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said this is Joni Mitchell's live Woodstock. He sang along with it a little bit. Fred had a dog barking along with Howard's singing.
Howard said he didn't tell Robin this but he just got picked up by Tom Morello, Bruce Springsteen and Eddie Vedder to join their band. He said Robin laughs now but she won't be for long.
Howard said he will get to some calls and stuff before Coldplay. He said they have a lot to get to but they always have more shows. Howard said he has to get to Jeff the Vomit Guy and Debbie the Cum Lady.
Howard said this story about the girl who went missing. Jon told him her name is Gabby Petito. Howard said Joy Reid was saying it was another case of ''Cute White Syndrome.'' Howard said she might be right. He said this girl was so cute. He said he thinks it's because the guys see her and think that they'd never beat her up or yell at her. Robin said there is video of them having a good time out there. Howard said they found her body in Wyoming yesterday and he feels really bad for her family. He said the thing that's driving him crazy is that the boyfriend, Brian Laundrie, was hiding in his parent's house. He said the parents are brave. He said if he had been accused if killing someone he'd be afraid. He said he hasn't been officially accused though. Robin said the guy came home by himself after leaving that house with Gabby. Howard said the police asked where Brian was and the parents said he had disappeared after going for a walk. Howard said the thing that drives him crazy is that the police lost track of this guy. He said you'd think they had some suspicion and they should have put a cop or two on the guy. He said they should have been on a stake out. He said it feels kind of like a Three Stooges kind of thing. He said they just lost this guy. He asked how you hide that well. He said that they should have kept an eye on the guy. He said he's not sure how that all works.
Robin said the parents knew where to get the car he drove off in. She said that they drove it back home. Howard said he doesn't know how they went off in this van because neither of them worked. Robin said they call it van lifers. She said they get in a van and live in it. She said they keep driving from place to place and parking in the woods or on the side of the road. She said they blog or vlog and people follow them and they make money doing that.
Howard said when you get old you have no desire to work. He said now is the time to get a career. He said you have to get your 10,000 hours in early.
Howard said they had a kid who worked there many years ago and he said he was leaving and he was going to get in his van and travel around. He said his name was Sussy. Robin said he went off on his bike. Howard said he was going to bike around the world. He asked if anyone has seen him.
Howard said on Bachelor in Paradise they had this guy on and this girl asked what he does. He said he told her he travels around in a van. He said he told her that he doesn't wash for a week at a time sometimes. Howard said he figured the chick wouldn't fall for that but he thinks they're still living in a van together. Howard said to get girls he had to become the number 1 radio personality in the world.
Howard said they say that Gabby quit her job to do the travel blog thing. He said now her boyfriend is a person if interest in her death. Howard said that he and Robin should have done the van thing.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's an attorney for the police union and she will tell him that the morale among the police is really low right now. She said you can't have people beefing on them and then asking why they're not doing more. Howard said he's for more police. He said if we don't have them we're fucked.
The caller said that she deals with police and on duty injuries. She said you have good and bad eggs in every job. She said that there are horrible people out there but most police are good people.
Howard said there's a Chris Rock bit about the police and he says you can't afford to have that bad egg in some professions. He said you don't want that with a pilot flying a plane. Howard said he's Mr. Police so he's all for the cops. The caller said she hopes Howard stays on forever because she grew up with him. She said she loves Robin too. She said she hopes they get all the money they need and stay on forever. Howard said he likes that part.
Howard said he proved that they have many bad eggs on their show. He said they hire them there.
Howard said he has time for one more call before Coldplay. He said he doesn't have time for the Jeff the Vomit Guy and Debbie stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he hears them talking about this Gabby lady all the time. He said that he's Native American and they have people disappearing every day. He said there's no coverage about that. He said the news goes crazy over this Gabby though. Howard said they have to get the word out there about those women. He said there are some hot native American women. Robin said they have to make a big deal about it. The caller said they can't get the coverage. He said they try it protect their water supply and they get a hard time about doing that.
Howard said he knows about all of their problems. He said on Yellowstone he learns about that stuff. Robin said there was no outcry on that show when the white girl was taken to the place where they do abortions and sterilize the women. Howard said he's with Wyatt on this. He said that he can't go out and get the publicity. He asked what Wyatt does. Wyatt said he's a runner. He said everything he does seems kind of crazy. He said he just had to call in and say something. He said it pisses him off that these women disappear and don't get coverage.
Howard asked Wyatt how he runs for a living. Wyatt said he goes every morning. He said he does about 8 miles a day. He said you have to do shit that's fun. He said it has to be fun and not just work. Howard said he's trying to learn from him. He wants to know who pays him to run. Wyatt said he just had to call in and say something. Howard said he thinks Fred runs for a living too.
Howard asked if Wyatt lives on the reservation. Wyatt said he does and it's 5:30 in the morning. He said he's up at 4 in the morning to listen. Howard said he has to go so he can get to Coldplay. He said he was trying to figure out how he runs for a living but he wasn't able to get it out of him. He said he doesn't think he wanted to share with them.
Howard said he and Robin are playing it all wrong. He said they have to get into the van life and running. Robin asked how they got into all of these wrong decisions. Howard said he's calling the shots from now on. He said Robin is Miss Sensible over there.
Howard said they have to find out more about van life. He said maybe for a film treatment. He said there might be gold in them hills. Robin said she read about one woman who said she was kind of naive when she started out and she ended up getting into trouble with the other van life people. Howard said it does sound like a life that would attract creeps.
Howard asked how you go to the bathroom and all of that. Robin said you don't go to a trailer park, you go into the woods and park where there's nothing. Howard said he knows he can't sleep in a van. He said he wouldn't be able to do it. He said he's not sure how they clean up. Robin said there must be places you can go to but she's not sure they even exist.
Howard said they're going to take a break and get to Coldplay. He said he's had Chris Martin on the show but not the whole band. He said it should be a lot of fun. He said they're going to be playing for the fans at the Apollo theater so that will be fun. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and said he bets that Robin didn't know that Coldplay started out as Starfish. Robin said she did not know that. She said he's not sure if she likes that name better than Coldplay. Howard said he thought that Starfish stood for someone's asshole.
Howard got the guys on and said the name Coldplay is so much better than Starfish. The guys agreed. Howard said it must refer to the anus. Chris said that he thought it stood for an actual starfish. Howard asked if a name can stand for anything. The guys were talking but Howard wasn't hearing them. Chris said it lasted like one day. Howard said he didn't know it lasted one day.
Howard said he's going to tell you who is there. He said they have Jonny there. He said that he plays lead guitar. He said they have Chris who everyone knows. He said they also have Will on drums. Guy was there on bass. He said he got to interview Chris once and it was all about him. He asked the guys if it's hard to be in a band where Chris gets all the attention. One of the guys, Will, said it's kind of ideal for him. He said that he doesn't love the spotlight. He said he has the drums as a shield. He said they're all in the roles they want to be in and that's why things have gone so well over 20 years.
Howard said that he looks at the band and knows Chris so well. He said he is known so well that he takes all the heat and criticism. He said that's nice not to have the pressure. Will said definitely. He said they may not thank him enough for that.
Howard said he has talked to Chris about this. He said the song writing everyone gets a song writing credit for. He said it's a collaborative process. Howard asked if Chris brings the band the initial idea. Chris said that 9 times out of 10 they get sent to him and if they're worth doing then he'll do that. He said then they have it like a production line. He said by the time the song is released they have gone through it so much that they have a lot of quality control with Will and Guy.
Howard said the guys met in college and they have stayed together all these years. He said the odds are against you. One of the guys said when they met they were just a group of friends before they started the band. He said that some bands come together by advertising. He said for them it was important that they were friends before and went out partying and drinking for a while before playing.
Howard asked if the guys are still friends after all of the years. He said they must remain close. One of the guys said that they are. Chris said that they also share money and credit. He said that one president said that anything is possible if you share. He said he thinks that's part of it too.
Howard asked Chris if it bothers him to share so much. Chris said no and it's balanced very nicely. He said the more they're on an even standing it's great to know that they pull the right tension in the band and that helps keep it together.
Howard asked if he has this right. He said Chris was thinking about starting a band and he heard Jonny playing guitar in another room and had no idea he played. Chris said that's right. Howard said you must know if someone is into music if you're friends with them. Howard asked how long he knew him before that. Chris said maybe 2 months. He said he'd just see him occasionally. He said he doesn't drink or smoke so he wasn't around him so much. He said that Jonny was behind a haze of weed smoke.
Howard asked what Jonny was playing. Chris said he was playing something by Stone Roses which is a legendary band from where they're from. Jonny said that Guy heard a song and he played bass for a while. He said that he was playing on a classical guitar. Howard asked if Guy was at the same school. Guy said they all were. They were all in the same dorm.
Howard said he went to college and everyone there was a loser. He asked what the odds were that they'd find each other in a regular school. One of the guys said that there were like 6 or 8 bands that came out of the one hall that they were living in. Chris said that all of the singers were named Chris too. Chris said that Howard was already famous when they came together in 1996. Howard said he may have already done Butt Bongo Fiesta by then.
Howard asked if the guys thought of themselves as professionals or did they just mess around. One of the guys said that he remembers hearing some of their early songs and they weren't just average student jams. He said there was something going on there with Chris and Jonny. He said Chris has very unique ways of playing guitar. He said that he plays and he wondered how Chris made them so interesting. He said it was clear to him there was something more already there before he joined.
Howard asked what it means that he plays in an unusual way. Chris said that early on he learned that if you have limitations you make them unique in the way you get around them. He said he grew up with people how played better than him and he wondered if he changed the tuning that it might sound different. He said he won't have the technique but he can make a strength out of a weakness.
Howard asked Chris about being raised in a very religious family. He said it was confusing to him because he wouldn't sing songs about the devil or Black Magic Woman. He said they were anti-religion or something. He said he had some kind of indoctrination into that. Chris said that he's so grateful for their job and he's having such a hard time in his life. He said he's going back and looking at that stuff. He said he's very grateful for the music at that time but there was a lot of strange indoctrination going on. He said he thought that some of those songs were evil like ''Paint it Black.'' He said it turns out it was just about interior decoration.
Howard asked Chris about the difficulty in his life now and if fixing it is getting rid of the notions he learned as a kid about religion. Chris said every human has something. He said if you get to a place where you have the time to unravel certain things that's a good thing to do.
Howard asked if he believes in god. Chris said very much so. He said God to him is all things. He said it's everyone and everywhere. He said it's the vast majesty behind everything. He said when you get to the point where you can't think any further that's where God is. He said it's in Howard too. Howard sounded shocked by that.
Howard said he might as well stop now. He said no one has ever seen God in him. Chris said he doesn't think he's a man in the sky with a grey beard.
Howard asked if the guys knew that Chris was going through a hard time. One of the guys said they do and that's why they're there. He said that they spend a lot of time together so they know. Chris said they have a lot of strange things that they've gone through.
Howard said he wonders what they could be going through. Chris said that they have been through everything you can imagine when you have a group of men who have been together so long.
Howard said that they have gotten through a lot of stuff and that's great. Howard said the band is so great and he has so many things to talk about. He said he was thinking about them musically. He said he knows they're going to do a couple of performances. Howard asked if they're at the Apollo right now. They said they are and it's amazing.
Howard asked what it is about the Apollo that's so amazing. Chris said Guy got them into it so he should explain. Guy said he's not sure he did. He said that they have played in small old theaters before they got into stadiums. He said there's a lot of history in those places. Chris said that they knew that James Brown had played there. He said there's a lot of history there.
Howard said a lot of bands want to play there. He said they're doing a concert for SiriusXM and they're going to do some songs today. He said they have a new album out called Music of the Spheres. He said they're going to talk more about that.
Howard asked what it was like going through the pandemic. One of the guys said that it's been very strange. He said they were lucky that they were able to get together during the pandemic to record. He said they had some time in Sweden and London. He said it's been great to be able to play for people. He said they played for about 300 people the other night and it was amazing. He said it's made them realize that they should appreciate the time they have together.
Howard asked what it means when they say that they were allowed to get together to record if the governments allowed it. They said it was travel restrictions and all of that. One of the guys said they weren't allowed to leave England. He said they had to get a special exemption to come there to America. Howard said he never thought about that. He said they wanted to record but they weren't able to get into the same country to record. Chris said they were able to get to certain places. He said now they need a permit to do anything. Howard said just sneak in through Mexico. Chris said there was a big wall there though.
Howard asked if they can imagine being a new band and trying to function. He wondered how they're doing it. One of the guys said they appreciate the time they had together. He said their record company gave them time to do what they wanted to do. He said now they don't have the time to do that. He said they had a long period of being able to sound like shit.
Chris said you can get the music across the world at the touch of a button. He said if you can't play live then you cant get the natural snowball of a show. He said that's where they feel bad for the young acts.
Howard said when their band started out they got big pretty quick. He said they had a Grammy within a few years. He said it didn't take long to gel. Chris said it felt long but it really wasn't that long. He said it's like slowly climbing a ladder.
Howard asked about doing songs live and if they have to make it sound just like the album. He asked if they want it to sound different. Will said that they want it to sound as good but they want it to sound unique as well. He said they want it to be something that's as good as the album but put something else into it. He said that's part of the challenge of communicating the live sound. He said that some of the songs have never been played as a whole.
Howard said they won a Grammy for their first album and they had the song ''Yellow'' on that. Howard played some of the song. He said he loves that lyric. He said Chris frustrates him and he won't tell him what the song is about. Howard asked if he can tell him now. Chris said no. He said he doesn't know what it's about. Chris said when that song arrived the guys were playing a FIFA game and he asked what they thought about the song. He said they were just playing and they just said ''Yeah, it's good.'' Howard said the guys now say it's a great song but they had no idea that he had just written a hit song. The guys said that it turned out much different than it started out.
Howard asked Will if he's one of the guys who is too hard on Chris. Will said he does feel terrible about having to tell Chris his opinion on things. He said he has learned to keep quiet a lot of the time. He said he has made some terrible mistakes on judging a song. He said he did that with ''Clocks'' a long time ago. Howard said Chris brought it to the band and Will said it was bad. Will said it doesn't have a chorus. Howard played some of the song. Will said that he made a mistake on that one. He said he had to eat his hat on that one and he'll keep eating it if he has to. Chris said if Guy says he doesn't like a song then there's no reason to keep playing it. Howard asked if Guy liked that one. Guy said he did. Howard asked Jonny. Jonny said that he just gets excited about the music so he's into all of it.
Howard asked Chris if the guys don't like something does he think about it and does it get him down. Chris said that if he really believes in something he has to keep chiseling away and Will will come around eventually. He said it's difficult at times but he wouldn't have it any other way. Howard said he loves that Will didn't love the song. He said there are so many phonies in the business. He said Will was being honest.
Howard said it's hard to write by committee but sometimes it can make the song better. He said he's not in a band so he doesn't know. The guys said there's still time.
Howard said he did imagine that he'd be getting laid constantly if he was in a band. He said it must be god like to have thousands of people worshiping you. He asked if it's all it's cracked up to be. One of the guys said that it's a hard question. He said he can't imagine doing something else. He said that they've traveled so much and they get around the world. He said there are highs and lows and Spinal Tap type moments too.
Howard asked what the hardest part is about traveling. One of the guys said that it's gotten better but they have children they have to incorporate into their plans.
Howard said he's thinking about Led Zeppelin and the women and drugs and all of that. He said these guys have kids and it's more wholesome. He said if they were into the other stuff maybe they wouldn't be together. Will said that they did the things you do on tour as a band. He said that they were always keen on playing music and sometimes it tended to get in the way. He said they just wanted to play music together and stay on that journey. He said there were distractions but they didn't last. He said the band was the most important thing.
Howard asked how many kids there are now. Will said with Phil it would be 13. He said that's each. Howard said what a cool thing it is for the kids. He asked if the kids look at you in a different way when you take them on tour. He said maybe that's not a good thing. One of the guys said he thinks it's the opposite. He said they are able to level them by chopping them in half. The kids have a way of making you realize that you used to be cool.
Howard said he always thought his kids would think he was cool but they didn't care what he did. He said they just thought he was a douche bag.
Howard played the band's song ''The Scientist'' and said that was another big hit for them. Howard asked Chris if this was another one that Chris had for the band. Chris said that one was a go. The guys said that was four thumbs up. One of the guys said that as soon as that one came they knew it was a no brainer. He said that some songs come and they're pillars of an album and that one was the most important one for that album. Chris said the vocal and piano on that one are the first vocal and piano he recorded. He said they were in the studio and that's what he did the first time. He said that's why some of the lyrics are slightly murkey. He said they're not real words. Chris said it was just two takes and that's why some of the lines are sort of mumbly.
Howard asked why he didn't fix that if he's the perfectionist he is. Chris said he just did what feels right in his heart. One of the guys said that sometimes you do a demo and you try to record it properly and you end up loving the demo better. He said this one may have been along those lines.
Howard said he gets that because you hear some of the demos from back when the Beatles were doing their songs and they sounded so great. Chris said the new Beatles movie ''Get Back'' is really cool and you wonder which version of their songs they're going to use. Chris said that the great thing about that movie is that you see those guys as 4 friends and you see the humanness of them. He said he thinks that Yoko actually made the band better. He said she brought this whole new realm into their lives. He said everything after they met was so vibrant. He said she's a genius in her own right.
Howard said he has interviewed Paul about Yoko and he said he looks back on that and John was in love with her so he should have just let her sit there. He said at the time you get so bent out of shape that you get wound up in it.
Howard said he had Metallica on recently and they have gone to group therapy and they're doing great now. Howard asked if they have hung out with them at all. Chris said he has met Lars. He said there's a great movie about them called ''Some Kind of Monster.''
One of the guys said that they work on their friendships and they have gotten to know each other very well. He said their interpersonal relationships are better than they've ever been. He said it's just such a privilege to be in a band with your mates.
Howard asked what it means to work on relationships like that. He asked if they would go into group therapy. He said it's just leaning about what everyone needs. He said they're all pulling in the same direction and they get there at different times.
Howard said the guys are going to perform ''Fix You'' and Chris wrote that for his wife Gwyneth Paltrow. Howard said he asked her about it and she said it was very nice that he did that. Howard asked how he came up with the song. Chris said many of the songs start out as titles and you just feel when a proper song wants to push through. He said you have to sit there and wait for something to be biting. He said that it was like that. He said that song came to him in two halves. Howard said he tries writing songs for girls and it didn't work out. Chris said it turned out alright though. Howard said having the title first is amazing. He said he had the title for Viva La Vida and he used that for a bunch of songs. Howard said he's saying that he had ''Fix you'' on a bunch of songs before this one worked out.
Howard asked Will and Jonny if they have guys they get advice from. Will said there are drummers out there that he has talked to. Jonny said he has talked to some guys like the guys from U2.
Howard asked Guy if he has anyone on bass he looks up to. Guy said he's a big believer in finding your passion in life. He said if you do that then things will flow into you. He said that for him it was just absorbing music and learning to play it. He said it was all about Motown and funk for him. He said he encourages his kids to find something they love so they have that as well.
Howard said he wonders where that drive comes from. He said some people can practice for 10,000 hours and still suck. Chris asked Howard what his story is. Howard said his story is that he always wanted to be on the radio to impress his father. He said it was the only thing that impressed him. He said when he got on he was so bad at it that he was the worst person on radio. He said he was awful. He said the music he played was bad. He said he was so determined that he listened to radio and lived it an willed himself to be good on radio. He said it was very little talent. Chris said it's the same for them.
Chris asked what Robin's story is. Robin said she was supposed to be a nurse but she was not fulfilled with that and she had to go out and find what she was supposed to do. She said she sort of stumbled into radio and that's where she knew she belonged. Howard said Robin was a captain in the Air Force as a nurse. He said she was a big deal.
Howard said they should have some fun before the guys fall asleep. He said they aren't used to playing so early. Chris said it feels normal to him at this time. He said he was in the gym this morning and he didn't know there was a 5 in the hours. Howard asked if people bother him in the gym. Chris said not really. He said people ask if you're done with the machine. Howard said he'd wonder how to insert himself into his life. Chris said it's all just very confusing at the moment.
Howard said he's excited about this song. He said it was very important to the band. He said they were doing their third album. Chris said they were fucked. He said Phil had left for a while and they had some addiction stuff going on and things like that. He said they were lucky they were never the biggest thing. He said there was a lot changing and they had to deal with a level of fame and relationships. He said everything but the music took over. He said they sort of lost touch with their audience.
Howard went over the song with Chris and what it meant to the band. He asked if they want to do it now. Chris said on Saturday they're doing a show in Central Park and they have two people coming to sing it. He said that's when he thought the song sounds really good. Howard asked who the other people are. Chris said it's just other people. Howard asked who it is. Chris said it's other pop stars. Howard asked for the names. Chris wasn't saying who it is. Howard wanted to guess but Chris said he may not tell him if he's right. Howard asked if they're keeping it a secret. Chris said they are.
Howard said he never talked to the guys about the Super Bowl. He said they had Beyonce and Bruno Mars up there on stage with them. Chris said that it was the 50th anniversary and they wanted to have a big bunch of stars up there. He said they got a call asking if they wanted to do it. He said yes and they were asked to consider collaboration with others. He said it all just came naturally. He said they asked Bruno Mars to come share it with them. He said they wouldn't have done it any other way. He said it was very high pressure but they would have felt weird doing it just by themselves. Howard said they were doing fine without those others. He said he was digging it.
Howard said maybe it's time to do a song. He asked if they're up for it. He asked if they're prepared. Chris said they've been ready since 3:30 this morning.
Howard said this song is ''Fix You'' and it fixed the band. Howard said this was a very popular song. He had the guys perform the song. They had to move from their stools to their instruments. Howard talked everyone through it as they were moving. Howard went through all of that and Chris said he's just going to be singing. Howard let them perform the song after that.
After the song Howard said that was masterful. He said they got a tear out of him on that one. He said he's weeping over there like a baby. He said that was beautiful. Chris thanked him for that.
Howard said the guitar thing Jonny is playing is nice. He thanked him for that. Howard said that was very beautiful. He said it gets him sad. He said he only likes sad music. He said he doesn't like upbeat songs. He said he's not sure what's going on during the song but it just gets him.
Howard asked about the harmonizing and when they decided to do that. They said they've been doing it since college. Howard said that has to be well rehearsed. He said they have to figure it out. Will said they have had a lot of time to work on it. Howard said he loves that. He wants to hear them do it A Cappella. He said that was a nice job.
Howard said they're there celebrating Coldplay. He said there's a lot going on with them. He said they have a concert coming up on Friday on SiriusXM on channel 105 and 36. Howard asked how long they'll be doing that. They said about an hour or so.
Howard said he wants to talk about Viva La Vida since that's the next song they're performing. He asked Chris about writing this song and putting that name on it even though he had it on other songs. Chris said they were in Mexico at the time and he saw a painting and it was called Viva La Vida. He said he wanted to name the album that. He said he was reading a book about the French Revolution and when this song came up he figured that was the right one to name Viva La Vida. He said you don't have to have the name of the song in the lyrics. Howard said he's right. Chris was singing Bohemian Rhapsody with the name of the song in the song and it didn't sound right.
Howard said he was going to call him out on that but now he gets why he named it something that's not in the song.
Howard said Chris played this song the first time he was on the show. He said Chris said something to him about how part of the song came to him on piano and some of it on guitar. He asked what that means. Chris said he could hear where the song wanted to go. He explained how that works for him.
Howard asked Jonny when he hears the song for the first time if he thinks about how he has to come up with something unique. Jonny said with that song it was bigger than any other. He said he came up with about 20 guitar parts that were just awful. He said they were doing that song in a conventional band way and it was kind of lumpy and not enjoyable. He said they stripped it back and took all the guitar parts off and it came to life. He said part of being a guitarist is knowing when not to play. He said he feels like he wants to be in every song but he has to back away.
Howard asked Chris if it's a touchy subject to tell Jonny that it's not sounding right. Chris said not at all. He said you sometimes have to be paid not to sing or to play. He said they have learned that over the years. He said Brian Eno was very encouraging of the different combinations.
Howard said Viva La Vida became number 1 and Will must have hated it. Will said he actually liked this one. Chris said he predicted that it would be number 1. Will said he knew it was the special one. He said you have to leave your ego at the door and that's what they did with this song.
Chris said that the label wanted them not to put the song on their album. He said that it was because of Steve Jobs that it was such a huge hit. He said that one song because of the Apple commercial made it big. He said it was a long journey with that song. He said they got sued over that. Will said they can't talk about that legally. Chris said that it wasn't correct that they were sued over it. He said being sued kind of lit the fire for them so it was a blessing.
Howard asked if Steve Jobs heard it and said it should be in the commercial. Chris said it was Jimmy at Apple who is their friend told a guy who was in charge of finding music to check them out.
Chris said they got to sit down with Steve Jobs and he told them about how he created his first computer. Howard said that's the cool part of the job getting to meet people like that.
Howard asked if they're ready to do the song now. The guys were ready. Howard asked if they got new iPhones when they met Steve. Chris said he thinks so. He said they would give stuff like that to the kids. Howard had the guys perform ''La Vida Loca.''
After the song Howard said that is a beautiful song. He said he doesn't want to be critical but he thinks they should have put ''Viva La Vida'' in the lyrics. Chris sang it like Howard wanted him to.
Howard said what a fantastic song. He said he didn't know that Jonny played piano. Jonny said he can manage a few chords. Howard said he loves that move where Chris runs over to the piano.
Howard said it's amazing that Chris has the voice and he's able to write the songs as well. Chris said he's not a great singer but he can sing okay.
Howard asked if Chris worries about his voice. Chris said he has a voice coach to help him out with that. He said that he wants to keep learning even if they have had a number 1 song. He said tennis players have coaches so why shouldn't a singer? Howard said you have to be careful that they don't screw up your sound or your approach.
Robin asked if Chris started singing in high school. Chris said he started in a choir school and he was in the shitty choir. He said he had a teacher who worked with the kids who weren't so good. He said he asked them to write something and he did that and the teacher was impressed.
Howard said that he'd think that he'd be upset if he wasn't able to sing and had to write songs for other people. He said that Pete Townshend had to do that for Roger Daltrey.
Howard said the guys have a new album out and it was difficult to do this during the pandemic. He said there was a real difficulty doing this. He said the album is called Music of the Spheres. He said they used Emojis for their titles on some of the songs. He asked what they're supposed to do about that. One of the guys said that you certainly can't sing them during the song. Chris said it was just about why they have to call things normal things. Howard said that's very Prince like. Chris said that Emojis are part of the language now. He said one of the songs doesn't have any words. He said it looked cool and they liked it.
Howard said he thinks Chris is so busy working on the songs that he just threw Emojis in there.
Howard said they're going to perform a song now from the new album. He said that they did a song that's 10 minutes long. He asked if they get any push back when they do that. One of the guys said that Chris came to them with this song and they were kind of scratching their heads about it. He said they ended up embracing it.
Howard said this song is one of those songs he thinks people should listen to with headphones on. He said that he liked the song as soon as he heard it. He said that he thinks 10 minutes is fine. Chris said it's just about being human but set in another galaxy. Howard asked what he's saying about Earth and humans. Chris said he feels like we should always keep the faith.
Howard asked how many times they've rehearsed this song. One of the guys said twice. They said it is nerve racking and the song they built in the studio is something they spent a lot of time on. He said there are weird little changes and segues in the song so the timing has to be right.
Howard said they know how to play their hits but this is something fresh and new. Howard said this is Coloratura. He said it's a 10 minute long song. He said he's there with them so don't get nervous. Robin said no pressure. Howard said no pressure but he wants it to be perfect. Howard said the new album Music of the Spheres drops October 15th. He had the guys go into their song.
After the song Howard said that was beautiful. Robin said it didn't seem like 10 minutes to her. Howard said it was only 9 minuets and 58 seconds so they have to do it again. Howard said it's so much fun to watch. He said he can't wait for the audience to see that.
Howard said he can't thank them enough for coming in. He said they loved the performances today. He gave them another plug for the new album. He said they're doing the concert on Friday on channel 105 and 36. Howard said that he's sorry he kept them so long. Chris said that Jonny and Will were scared of Howard. He said he was too until he did the first interview. Howard said it was interesting to see the dynamic. He said watching them perform together is great. He said he's a big fan.
Howard said next time they're just going to have Will on for an interview. He said he's not sure why they don't interview together but they weren't appearing nervous at all today. He said that he's kept them way to long today. He let them go.
Robin said that was such a treat. Howard said it really was. He said he loves interviewing musicians. He said he loves hearing about their struggles. Robin said it was great to see them in the same room at the same time. She said then there was something she never noticed before about Chris not wanting to take credit for writing the songs. She said that he said the songs are ''sent'' to him.
Howard said he heard that too. He said he asked Chris to tell whoever is sending him those songs to send him some. Howard said they have stayed up past their bed time so they have to get going. He said he has so many things to get to. He said they'll get to it at some point. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 11:15am.