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Howard said his alarm woke him and he still has to figure that out. He said He's usually up at 5 in the morning. He said when they do the show he wants to sleep like a log. He said he can't figure this thing out even though He's been doing it for a hundred years.
Howard said on Saturday it was 9/11. He said he watched a lot of the news. He said he was feeling great about President Biden too. He said he was like a normal adult and going around to the sites. He said he wasn't out there bragging about how successful he is or going around making it all about himself. He said they were going around talking about the men and women who have lost their lives in a foreign war and all of that. He said he was just there as our president trying to unite people.
Howard said it's so weird what gets people to react to the show. He said he didn't want to spend a lot of time on COVID and vaccinations last week. He said people won't get vaccinated but they'll take horse dewormer. He said Joe Rogan was talking about taking Ivermectin. He said he could have had the vaccine. He said he was just talking about anti-vaccination people last week. He said he won't dwell on it. He said they should make it all mandatory. He said if we had these idiots who won't take the vaccine when the Polio vaccine came out we'd still have polio. He said they had a cure and everyone just took it. He said it's always been mandatory. He said he had to take vaccines when he was going to school. He said he had to get Polio and Measles vaccines. He said it was really cool that they got rid of those things. He said you notice that all of this anti-science stuff goes out the window when they end up in the hospital. He said you never hear anyone saying they're glad they didn't take it then.
Howard said he woke up to shock last week when he made the news about what he said about anti-vaxxers. He said that people were attacking him and some were congratulating him. He said some were praising him and some were attacking. He said all he said was that everyone should get the vaccine and it should be mandatory. He said it brought down a slew of publicity like He's never seen.
Howard said he wondered why he was getting so much press for what he was saying. He said we have a cure for this COVID so just take it. He said we have it so good that people forgot about disease. He said it wasn't always like this. We have things to keep us alive.
Howard said the reason we live longer is because of science. He said that's it.
Robin said medicine was the answer to your freedom from medicine. She said that people used to have 15 kids because they didn't know how many would die. Howard said his dad's parents had 4 kids and they came to the United States and had 4 more because their kids kept dying. He said the reason more lived is because they had medicine.
Howard said all he said was ''fuck these people'' who weren't taking the vaccine. He said now this country is full of morons. He said that no one wants to take vaccines. He said that the millions of people who took the vaccine are doing fine. He said all he said is that we have no time for idiots in this country any more. He said that we want you to go to stay home and die from COVID there. He said that we don't want you clogging the hospitals. He said go fuck yourselves and we don't have time for you. He said go somewhere that they have ultimate freedom. He said the rest of us want to live in freedom. He said we want to be free of COVID. He said we love Dr. Fauci trying to educate us about masks. He said he's not sure when nonsense became the thing.
Howard said people were writing to him and his wife about what he said. He said they were saying they hope he dies and all of this. He said people were saying ''How dare you'' about telling them to get the vaccine. He said the only thing that he could figure is that most media won't give an opinion. He said they won't say what they're thinking. He said we have to shame people who are conspiracy theorists. He said that they played his comments on the Today show. He said Hoda was saying something non-committal. He said she thought it was startling to hear his comments. He said he thinks the reason that they play them is because we can't get through to morons in this country so they were using his voice to do it. Robin said that they want to use that so the don't have to say it themselves. Howard said he thinks that's what it is.
Howard said we have to bring shame back to this country. He said people are morons and they loved that Trump was a moron and said moronic things. He said he was saying what they were thinking. He said people are just so proud of this stupidity. He said the comments he made weren't that profound.
Howard said maybe they made the news because they were off for a couple of months. He said all he said is that we have no time for these people and their stupidity. He said we don't have time. He said we're running out of time. He said we can't listen to them about abortion or the environment. He said it's enough with what they're doing with the voting rights. He said He's not sure why the morons are taking over.
Howard said it would be like if he suggested that everyone wear sunscreen and people freaked out. He said that kids get vaccines for so many things. He said he got the Shingles and Pneumonia vaccines. He said that there are great scientists out there who cerate this stuff. He said we have HPV and other vaccines. Robin said some people don't want that because it encourages kids to have sex.
Howard said someone just tweeted that Howard Stern is a ''moran.'' He said imagine you're that stupid. He said people are idiots. He said he'd love to get rid of these people and bring in people who want the vaccine. He said we have a bunch of idiots in this country. He said that people think they don't have to take it because of their freedom. He said it's not just about you.
Robin said someone wrote to her and said that they're laughing at people who die of COVID. Robin said that they were wondering if they should feel bad for her if she dies of a heart attack. She said she doesn't care how those people feel. Howard said his vaccine could save the country and the world. Robin said if she could take a vaccine for heart attacks she'd take it.
Howard said Arnold Schwarzenegger lost a sponsor because of what he said about anti-maskers. He said that he has some of the comments that he has about what he said. He said a friend of his is a doctor and she wrote him. He said she said she works at a hospital. He said she said that someone has to call everyone out and give the facts. She said that if we don't get everyone vaccinated we are going to be 3-5 years of life less in this country.
Howard read more of what his friend said about how overwhelmed they are. He said we have to get the vaccine and get the third dose. He said get it and save this country. Howard said Robin was probably watching tennis. Robin said she was and it was great. Howard said the people there were all unmasked. Robin said they were but they have to let the wackos in if you want the audience.
Robin said Bradley Cooper, Brad Pitt and Rami Malek were all there watching the game. Howard said they're all good looking famous guys. Robin said she thinks that Bradley was unmasked and Brad was wearing a mask. Robin said she had to figure out who he was by his eyes. She said maybe he wasn't wearing a mask.
Howard said they were going to have some friends stay over this summer but then the variant came around and He's not comfortable having people over. He said then you turn on the TV and people are all out partying like it's 1999. Robin said maybe you had to be vaccinated to be in the box at the Tennis match. Howard said you did.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was hearing what he was saying about COVID and how they think they can just go to the hospital if they get COVID. She said she had a friend who didn't wear a mask and he contracted COVID and ended up dead by the end of August. She said that it's a horrible death. She said that he couldn't talk by the end of it.
Howard said it's all craziness. He said stay away from the hospitals if you get sick. He said if you don't believe in the vaccine then you must not believe in the science there. He said they have to stick needles and things into you at the hospital so why would you want to go there. He said it's funny that people have the cure and won't take it. He said it's funny so that's why he laughs about it. He said it's enough of the insane people. He said they're trying to take over.
The caller said that she works with people who still aren't vaccinated and they have to wear masks again at work. Howard said we don't have time for these people. He said that Steve Jobs hated Western medicine. He said he hasn't seen him around lately. Robin said these dummies don't do anything but make noise.
Howard said people say He's liberal because he wants the vaccine. He said that's not a liberal thing. Robin said the people who have time to do this have nothing else on their brain.
Howard said his comments really made a lot of news. He said He's not sure why but they did. Howard had some audio from The View where they played the comments. He said that Whoopi and Joy Behar were nice about it. He played Whoopi and Joy talking about what he said. He said he thought that was cool.
Howard said he has some audio of a radio show host who said that he agrees with what he said. Howard played the clip and the guy said he agrees with what Howard Stern said.
Howard said people were telling him to stop telling them have to live their lives. Howard said these are the people who are all about telling other people how to live. He said they're against abortion and telling people that trans people can't use their bathroom.
Howard said Harvey Levin from TMZ was supportive. He said then they kind of knocked him. He played the clip and Harvey was supportive but then he said he wanted to go to his neighbor's house to play chess. He said they took it out of context of course. He said it wasn't about playing chess. Robin said it's about having a life where you don't have to worry about it. Howard played that clip too. They goofed on him about that in the clip. Howard said they put on that goofy voice in the clip and make fun of him saying he wants to play chess.
Howard wondered what Harvey is doing. He said sorry he said he wants to play chess. He said that you can go to an Eric Clapton concert because He's looking for the unvaccinated. Howard played more of the clip and they were goofing on him a little bit about the chess thing.
Howard said when you hear that voice you know you're in trouble. He said the guys on TMZ are making fun of you.
Howard said He's not sure who these conservative guys are. He said he knows Brian Kilmead though. He said he filled in for Tucker Carlson. He said he and his guest twisted his words into a pretzel. He played the clip and they were saying that Howard and Jimmy Kimmel must want the black community gone for good because they want the unvaccinated gone. They pointed out that 60 percent of black people are unvaccinated.
Howard played more of the clip where they were saying that Howard is just sucking up to Dr. Fauci. Howard said of course he is. He jokingly said he'd suck that guy's dick. He said He's not sure why they hate Fauci so much. He said that it has to be Trump. He said that these guys are personally attacking him over this stuff.
Howard said he doesn't think anything about what they were saying is correct. He said they looked up the stats and they found that 88 percent of Democrats are vaccinated. He said 55 percent of the Republicans are.
Howard said Alex Jones went on a rant about him. He had some audio of Jones going off on him about what he said. Jones said that the vaccinated created the Delta variant so they're going around killing people with Delta. Howard said that's not the case. He said the science is that it's mutating all over the place because people aren't vaccinated. He said this Alex Jones stuff is kind of funny. He played more of Jones talking about how Howard and Arnold Schwarzenegger are like Nazis and they're against the first amendment.
Howard said these guys are so jealous of him. He said He's so successful and they're not. He said it's a weird thing having people jealous of him.
Howard said he thinks they get jealous because he makes this mundane comment that gets national attention. He said Alex Jones makes a statement and the only way you hear it is if he plays it. He said if a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound? He said this is the only way you get the guy's comments to be heard. He said if he called him right now he'd come on the show. He said Alex is the guy who berated the Sandy Hook families. He said he'd just be quiet if he were him.
Howard said Alex thinks that he was the best guest on the show. He said he called Robin all kinds of names too. He said he called her ugly and other things. He said he knows Robin wouldn't fuck that guy.
Howard got a knock on the door and it turned out to be Fake Alex Jones who was on a rant about Howard and his Nazi-like comments. Howard and Fake Alex went back and forth arguing about that stuff. Alex started speaking in tongues.
Howard asked how he sells those products of his without any FDA approval but Vaccines aren't safe. Alex said that Ivermectin should be illegal too. He said he has his own product that's available on his site. He had his own Ivermectin like product he did a commercial for.
Howard said you don't have to attack people personally if you don't believe in what he has to say. Alex got a knock at his door and it turned out to be Fun George Soros. He did a while bit with Fun George Soros.
Howard said he has a fun show over there. Alex said he should read some feedback he has about his show. He read through some of that stuff like Howard does when he reads his fan feedback.
Howard asked Alex if he had a fun summer. Alex said they did their 7 days a week but they had one Sunday off. He said that they had so much planned. He said that they will be doing a special afternoon show next Thursday with Eric Clapton. He said that he'll be doing a song about not getting the vaccine. Howard let Alex go a short time later.
Howard said in all seriousness he hates being part of the theater of all of this. He said he hates that this vaccine isn't embraced by everyone. He said these idiots are out there and we're so frustrated by them. He said you feel like you live in a bizarro country. Howard said they're sheep and you have to round them up and give it to them like they're sheep. Robin said she's not sure how it became political. Howard said it's a mental illness that's spreading like wild fire out there. He said it's like The Joker sprayed half the country with a spray that makes people refuse to take it. He said He's not sure who these nutty politicians are who won't back it.
Robin said that Trump thinks He's in control of them but they'll turn on him too. She said if he says the wrong thing they turn on him. Howard said you have to be careful with that crowd. He said you have to make sure they don't turn on you like a pit bull.
Robin said it's like those people who were on America's Got Talent who got into a bus and didn't put on seat belts and then ran into a wall. Howard said she's right. He said that's who we're letting dominate our health.
Howard said He's not sure what it is about the mainstream media who are trying to remain impartial. He said we have to stop it. Jeff said the objective truth is that thee people are idiots. He said his father got COVID breath through because people who were around him were unvaccinated.
Howard said we have to shame these fuckers. He said he remembers the guys in school who were morons and they ended up in Mrs. Adams class. He said she was a very strong woman who had the patience of a saint. He said they'd lock those kids in that classroom and you never knew what happened to them. He said now these idiots are empowered by social media. He said they want their balanced point of view but we don't have time for it. He said we have this Mu variant coming.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his kids are doing masks and windows open in their class. He said people are saying we have to unmask the kids and people are giving standing ovations. Howard said Pennsylvania is filled with idiots too. He said they were booing a doctor at a school board meeting over what he was saying about wearing masks. He said instead of listening to him they were saying ''we know where you live'' and intimidating the guy. Robin said they don't want to hear him making sense. Howard said if he was that doctor he'd move to New York and get away from those morons. He said leave them there without a doctor. He said the guy is trying to save lives and they're threatening him.
Howard said that if they don't want to hear that then they don't deserve to have doctors helping them out with diabetes. He said you know this guy is smart and had to get through so many years of medical school. He said he shows up to this meeting and it's a room full of screaming morons telling him that they know where he lives.
The caller said that next time you get surgery make sure that you ask the doctor not to wear a mask. Robin said they scream that masks don't work. Robin said they mask up every time they do surgery. Howard said that Dr. Fauci cares if he lives or dies. He said he has to deal with guys like Rand Paul who must have been sprayed by the Joker's gas. He said He's a senator and people are dying and this moron is arguing with Dr. Fauci. He said he thinks that a couple of years ago Rand Paul was mowing his lawn and some neighbor knocked him to the ground. He said his brain must have been altered when he was knocked to the ground.
Howard said he has to talk about the recall vote in California. He said don't fall for it and make sure you vote to keep the governor in place. He said they say the guy who might win is a radio host named Larry Elder. He said he hasn't heard of this guy but evidently he believes that the slave owners deserve reparations. He said He's not sure if that's true or not but that's what people told him. He said that sounds really out there. He said he thinks He's been accused of making up his own science too. The caller said that he was attacked the other day by a woman in a gorilla mask. He said they say you have to condemn that or you're considered supporting it. Howard said He's not for attacking anyone.
Howard took a call from a woman, Jennifer, who Howard thought wasn't a woman. He asked if she's transition. She said Howard has said that before and she's not. She claims she's super hot. Howard said send him a picture right now. She said she'll do that. Howard said he can imagine him meeting her and taking her home and she asks him to give it to her in her ass with that voice.
Jennifer said she's here listening to this and getting really upset. She said He's speaking the truth and these other people have no audience. She said that they're fucking idiots. She said calling him a Nazi and a racist is ridiculous. She said the thing that makes her feel good is that they don't have the big audience. Howard said he has Stacy on the line and she agrees with him. He took the call from one of the male staffers who was doing the voice. Jennifer said she's laughing now. She said she was so aggravated but now she's laughing. She said she really shouldn't be judged. She said that dick on TMZ didn't have any right to make fun of Howard either. She said she was so pissed about that too. Stacy said she's with her on that. He told her to go girl.
Howard asked Stacy what color hair she has. She said Blond. Jennifer said she has blond hair down to her ass and she's 5'9'' and lives in Florida. She said she works out and she's in very good shape. She said she has beautiful breasts according to her husband.
Howard had Jennifer talk dirty to him and then had Stacy do it. Then he took another call from another male staffer playing a woman named Cindy. Howard spent a little time talking to Cindy who had the deepest voice of them all.
Howard said he apologizes to Jennifer over making fun of her voice. Jennifer said she feels so good about herself that it doesn't bother her at all. Howard thanked the girls for the call. Jennifer was laughing and said she really means it from the bottom of her heart that He's the voice of reason and she's sorry about what these assholes have done to him. She said she's so proud that she's a listener of his. She said she knows how seriously he takes this and people don't. She said He's the only one who researches shit and those dummies don't.
Howard said ''I hear you brother...'' and said she's so sweet. He thanked her for that. He let Stacy go and she said she has to go have a beer and take a massive shit. Howard thanked Jennifer for the call. Jennifer said that he has to keep saying what He's saying because he has more listeners than any of these other assholes.
Howard took a call from a female staffer who was playing the part of Jim and telling Howard that she looks like Brad Pitt and He's packing like 9 inches. Howard said He's got a cute laugh. Jim said He's heard that before. He said he has a huge boner thanks to Jennifer. He said it's super hard and he loves it. He told her to send him a picture. Jennifer said she's not sure where to send it. Gary told Howard to put her on hold and Mark will take care of it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's calling about Gavin Newsom and she's not sure what's wrong with him out there in California. She said this world is going insane. Howard said out in California they have this recall vote thing and it's just cuckoo. He said you need very few people to sign a petition and you can get this recall vote. He said from what He's read Gavin Newsom is a good guy and a smart guy. The caller said that He's doing a great job out there. She said she's voting no against the recall. She said she refuses to pander to these morons. Howard let her go and said that he doesn't want to spend all day on politics.
Howard said everyone knows that what He's saying makes sense. He said he assumes that anyway. He said fine if you don't. He said he has a guy on the phone who says He's not vaccinated. Howard took the call from Ken who said that He's not vaccinated and He's not an anti-vaxxer. He said he has taken every vaccine no questions asked. He said He's 42 and He's very healthy. He said that's his choice to not be vaccinated. Howard said you have to think about your fellow man and everyone is taking it and no one is having a problem.
Ken said the people who were first in line were the unhealthy ones. He said that if He's unvaccinated so who is he hurting. Howard said if you get it and have to go to the hospital who is he hurting.
Howard said we're at war with this virus. He said that our bodies are not equipped to deal with this COVID. He said it's getting worse and worse for a few reasons. He said this guy could spread it and take up a hospital bed potentially. He said our hospitals can get clogged with people like you. He said imagine if this was polio and there were people like you around. He said everyone took the vaccine to get rid of it. Ken said that people who got that vaccine didn't still get polio. Howard hung up on the guy. He said the only way this is going to work is if everyone gets vaccinated.
Howard said he has to get off of this. He took a call from Ken in the future and he was calling from the hospital. He asked if it's too late to get the vaccine. Howard asked what the doctors say. Ken was trying to speak and then he just flat lined.
Robin said she saw a woman on TV whose daughter had to go to the hospital with COVID and she ended up on a ventilator. She was saying she should have made better choices. Howard said we have a bunch of dummies who are fucking up this country for the rest of us. He said we could have been done with this.
Howard wondered how we can get rid of Texas. He said they have such a crazy governor down there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he appreciates him talking about this. He said his girlfriend is a doctor down there in Texas. He said there was this guy who ended up dying of COVID down there and he was an anti-vaxxer. He said the hospitals are so full that this guy died waiting for a bed with a gall stone. He said the guy was a veteran and he did two tours in Afghanistan and that's what killed him.
Howard said all hell broke loose when he said don't give these people hospital beds. The caller said that they say that brain tumors are elective surgery and people are dying from that because the hospitals are full. Howard said he hopes that the insurance companies start jacking up rates when people aren't vaccinated. He said he hopes it's not too late.
Robin said a lot of these people don't want health insurance until they need it. She said that's another problem.
Howard said that guy said his buddy died of gall bladder. He said he called it ''gal bladder.'' He said he has that and he has to pee every 20 minutes. He said he used to wonder why women had to pee so often and now he does himself.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said the best videos are these people who are on their death beds saying they wish they got the vaccine. He said it's so great to see that. Robin said the sad thing is that it doesn't change the idiots minds. Ralph said these fucking people don't get that they can still be a carrier and it can mutate.
Ralph said that people have always been this stupid but now you see the life and death consequences of it. Howard said he has to get going. Robin said it's very depressing talking to Ralph. Howard said he brought the whole show down.
Howard had some audio of this Larry Elder guy talking about slave owners and reparations.
Howard said Caitlyn Jenner has 1 percent of the vote for the recall vote. Howard said she's so wacky. He said she says she's pro-choice but she's also for the anti-abortion law in Texas. He said she has no explanation for it. He said this is crazy stuff. He played the clip and Caitlyn said she's for a woman's right to choose but she's also for a state that has their own laws. Howard laughed as he heard her contradicting herself.
Howard said that's as clear as mud. Robin said she's agreeing with everything. Howard said he doesn't think he'd have the balls to go on TV and say you're running for office and then say that you're for something but then against it.
Howard heard a knock so he opened the door to fake Arnold Schwarzenegger who said he wanted to come on and say He's not endorsing anyone but this recall vote is no joke. He said the world is crazy right now. Howard asked where he stands on all of this stuff. Arnold said that he wont talk badly about anyone like Caitlyn but she's a real piece of shit. Arnold said that being governor is a tough job and he couldn't prepare for it like he did for Terminator. He said that Gavin Newsom made some mistakes and he has made mistakes too. He said that he got his maid pregnant. He said that they have a thing called a Mulligan in golf so that's what you get when you're governor.
Howard said he thinks He's had enough politics for today. He said if he wants to talk about banging his maid that's fine. Arnold talked about his son from the maid and what a great kid he is. Howard said He's so happy for him. He thanked him for stopping by. Arnold said screw the anti-vaxxers. Howard let him go after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that her daughter moved to Michigan and she has had COVID twice but she's been vaccinated. She said she's a young girl and you can still contract it. She said that it was more nasally and not so much lungs if you've been vaccinated. Howard said He's going to get off that topic now. He thanked her for the call.
Howard said he sees a lot of people on the phone about it. He said this could go on and on and on.
Howard said the real governor isn't endorsing anyone. Robin said Arnold told them that.
Howard said the weekend really went by quickly. He said the Thursday show really threw things off. Robin said it was a short weekend. Howard said he was worried about Robin. Robin said she did have tennis to take up her time. She said she did plan to watch the U.S. Open finals and semi-finals. She said it was amazing. She told Howard about some of the things that were going on during the open. Howard said he was completely oblivious to the whole thing.
Howard took a call from a woman who said on a lighter note she wanted to know what he thought about Kissing Booth 3. Robin asked if it came out. The caller said it did. Howard said he was beside himself when he heard it was coming out. He said he told Beth they had to watch it but Beth kept putting it off. He said he wanted to see it right away. He said he wanted to be among the first to see it.
Howard said he thinks it was awful. The caller agreed. Howard said they should have consulted him about the movie. He it reminds him of Godfather 1 and 2. He said going to 3 was not a good idea. He said Joey King said that they shot 2 and 3 at the same time. He said that was probably a mistake. He said it could have been great. He said they should have had her off at college and dating. He said they could have had her grow up there. He said they could have had the same romantic triangles going. He said it's a formula that works. He said they went so off the rails with this third movie and they fucked it all up. He said they had them doing a bucket list kind of thing. He said they were running around going on rides and playing games. He said it was ridiculous. He said he liked 1 and 2 but not 3.
Howard asked JD what he thought about it. JD said it wasn't that good. He said they didn't want to lose the beach house and Noah and Elle were always arguing so they should just break up. Howard said the height difference was really annoying too. He said the guy is like a foot taller than her. He said it just doesn't happen in real life.
Jon Hein got on and said it looked like no one wanted to be making that movie and it was just ridiculous. He said filming both at the same time was a huge mistake. He said they had her in a wig and it was just weird.
Robin said they finally saw what Kissing Booth for what it really is, crap. Jon told her to hold on there. Howard said the first and second were good. He said they took a bit of a misstep for the third one. JD said they crammed in the kissing booth at the end of the movie. Howard said the whole thing should have taken place at Harvard. He said it just wasn't very good.
Howard said he pitched an idea to Ted Sarandos about doing Kissing Booth 4 in Space. Howard let the caller go after that.
JD said He's been waiting to get his opinion on this Erika Jayne on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Howard said He's not sure how many people are following this but this Erika Jayne is married to a guy who has allegedly been misappropriating the funds of burn victims. He said Erika Jayne has been showing up every week on the show and it's crazy. He said no one knows how to confront her about their concerns. He said they don't tell her that they don't want to be on the same show as her or anything.
Howard said Erika Jayne has had to move into a smaller mansion. He said that she has been affected by this whole thing. He said she's claiming that she had no idea what her husband was up to and that might be true. He said the season is fantastic. JD said he agrees. Howard said most people would have left the show so they don't have to deal with that. He said the answer is that it's a very good season. He said they have something good going on. JD said Michael Rapaport is defending her and saying that she's innocent. JD said you don't fully know if that's the case or not. He said if she's found guilty later on then you'd be wrong.
Howard said Andy Cohen has a real gift for finding real shitty people. He said Erika Jayne isn't up on any charges. He said he just wanted to make that clear.
Howard said he figured he'd pick up the tab. JD said no. Howard said he thought he was on a TV show. JD said it was fine. He said it wasn't that much of a meal. Robin said He's on TV and he has that Cameo thing.
Howard asked if he was shocked that he didn't pick up the check. JD said no. Howard said he would be. He said Michael has a lot going on so he figured he'd pick up the bill. JD said He's doing fine too so he can pick it up. JD said he found out that Michael was going to be in his area so he asked to go out to dinner. He said it's fine that he didn't pick up the bill.
Howard said he should have picked up the bill. He said He's kind of surprised he had dinner with JD. JD said He's sorry. Howard asked if he did anything silly like order a bottle of wine.
Howard took a call from Michael Rapaport who said he had an appetizer and that was it. He said he had to leave early too. He said he offered to pay the entire bill but JD tried to big shot it. He said he left him $80 for the fried Calamari and his Arnold Palmer. He said he tried to pay for everything. He said JD's wife is a doll and He's not sure how he convinced her to marry him.
JD said that Michael had some risotto too. Michael said he may have but JD ate some of it. He said he tried to pay for dinner. Howard said Michael is a big star so he should have paid. He said he has a lot going on. He said you just put it on your card and pay for the meal. Michael said he came in late and he had to leave early to do this sold out show. He said the crowd was vibrating for him to come in. He said JD didn't want to come to the show but He's fine with that. Howard asked if he was able to perform on his Arnold Palmer. Michael said he was fine. He said he was going to pay for whatever they wanted but they said no. Howard said you just have to say yes and pay for it.
Michael asked to talk about Erika Jayne. Howard said He's not sure if anyone cares. Michael said he loves that show so much and she has put on the single greatest performance than any other housewife. He said she's under duress and it's been great entertainment. He said she left her husband and moved and that's all under duress. He said she's innocent until proven guilty. Howard said He's saying that he doesn't know what went on there. He said there's a question mark there. He said you wonder where the money is for these burn victims. He said there's a lot of questions there. He said He's not saying she's in on it but they have to answer these questions. Michael said she's giving as much as she can. He said she has lawyers up the wazoo. He said she cried with mascara running down her face. Howard said she would have paid for dinner for JD if she had gone out to dinner with him.
Michael said last week they covered what he did over the summer. He said he wants to know what big tooth Baba Booey did over the summer while everyone else was working. Howard said he has a whole agenda planned but it got sidetracked today because of the COVID talk. He said that he will get to what Gary and Fred did this summer. He said they'll get to what the Wack Pack did this summer too. He said he'll get to that.
Gary said he knows that He's looking to pick a fight. He said Michael got on to do the draft pick for fantasy football and he was eating on camera while they were doing it. He said Michael got on and said that they have to watch a gorilla eat while they were doing it. JD said Michael kept calling Gary a gorilla. Gary said he watched Michael eat for a half hour and it was disgusting. They went back and forth arguing about all of that.
Howard said he heard that Gary was included on a text chain thing with Michael Rapaport. Gary said that he did and his phone was going nuts ringing over and over. He said that they're trying to unwind at 6:30 on a Sunday night and Michael is busy with that. Michael asked what kind of work Gary is doing. He said He's surprised he didn't have to get ass surgery from sitting on his ass all the time.
Gary said that it wasn't just Michael who was writing the texts. He said it was others too. Howard thanked everyone for chiming in on all of that. He said his computer is acting up. He said the screen is messed up. He read something on the screen and clicked out of it. He said he sounds like he just started to read.
Howard said He's a little surprised that Michael didn't pick up the tab with JD. He said he has to be a millionaire. Gary said he would hope so. He said that they went out to dinner out in L.A. with him and he asked them to pick up the tab on their expense tab. He said He's never seen him pull his wallet out. He said that they had gone out a few times with him and he never pulled his wallet out.
Howard said he automatically picks up the bill because people think He's doing so well. He said that he has walked into a room and someone has said that they have already picked it up. He said that's happened like 3 times.
Howard had Michael back on the line and he said he has paid for Gary's dinner before. He said he had a NFL draft pick party and he picked up the tab for that. He went off on Gary calling him a gorilla and an ape too. Gary said he threw a party at his house for 4 or 5 years and Michael would shit all over it. He said they went to a bar one year and Michael paid for that. He said they went to lunch with Michael in L.A. and he didn't pick up the bill for anything.
Howard wrapped up with Michael and Gary. He asked what Michael is working on. Michael said he just finished a show with Amy Schumer and He's on tour. He said He's double vaccinated and he has to say that you have to live your life. Howard said he did start living his life when the summer started. He said with the variant it's starting to get crazy again. He said we could be opening up if everyone got vaccinated. Michael said he has to get back to his life or the cats are going to get sick of them. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said he has a lot to get to but he has to take a pish. He said he has things to get to. He went to break after that.
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Howard came back and talked about Raidohead a little bit and how they said they didn't like that song so much. Howard did a live commercial read before getting back to the show.
Howard read some feedback about Metallica, Miley Cyrus and Elton John. He said the fans liked the interview. He read some of the comments they got about that interview. He played some of the performance that Miley did with Metallica too.
Howard read some feedback they got about Steve Martin and Martin Short's interview last week. He said the fans enjoyed that interview too.
Howard said when he made Private Parts he was sure it was going to be a slam dunk. He said he was offered roles after that movie and he was afraid to do anything else because it might suck. He said he didn't want to be in a bad movie. He said that he would have been blamed for anything bad that happened. He said if it was bad he'd have to get on the air and get into why it was bad and he just didn't want to do it. Howard said he would want to be in Kissing Booth 2 but not 3.
Howard read more about the Steve Martin and Martin Short interview. He said people really enjoyed it. Robin said that Howard did get compliments during that interview and he didn't take them very well. Howard said he thinks that Steve didn't really have that much to say about him. He said he had a couple of things to say but he moved on quickly.
Howard said James from Metallica got really emotional when Elton John talked about what a great song he had written. He said when you have Steve Martin telling you how good you are it's amazing. He said he's so funny and he has so much great material out there. He said he's the man. He said you get a little compliment and that makes you go crazy. He said he didn't cut him short, he thinks he got to say what he had to say. He said he did say he was a great painter and that was very nice. Howard said Steve has been very nice to him.
Howard said a lot of fans wrote in about Ronnie moving to Vegas. He said they'll get to that tomorrow. He said Jimmy will be on and he loves to hear about Ronnie. He said the fans wrote in about his house being backwards. He said Ronnie went to the house and saw that everything was the opposite of what they thought it was going to be. He read some comments that the fans sent in about that. Someone said that if it wasn't Vegas he would have been more upset about it. Howard said Ronnie won't admit it even if it is bothering him. He said that people loved the whole thing.
Howard asked if Ronnie closed on his house yet. Ronnie got on and said he's living the heat out there. Howard said today it's supposed to be 105 degrees. Ronnie said it gets hot in the afternoon for a couple of hours. Howard asked what happened with the house. Ronnie said the house is fine. He said they're closing today. He said it's beautiful. Howard said that's all he wanted to know. Robin asked where the pool is going. Ronnie said it's in the back yard. He said it's 43 feet long and it'll be in the back because there's no room in the front.
Howard got a knock on his door and it was supposed to be Ronnie's mom but her mic was out. Howard said she's gone. Howard said next time then.
Howard had his dad testing the microphones out for him. Fred played clips of Ben Stern talking about the proper modulation and the ''green type of tube.''
Howard said his dad is a trip. He said he was never a ball of laughs. He said he never had fun with him. He said he'd try to have fun or something with them at the studio but it wasn't even fun. He said that's what he would do at the studio. Fred played the clips again. Howard said he gets nervous hearing it even at his advanced age. He said right after that he had a monstrous eruption. He said he took that mic very seriously. He said he'd put on his serious voice and tell him to do something and not be studio about it. He said he was a little kid and he didn't know what he was talking about. He said then he'd do something fun and his dad would get upset. He said he felt like he wasn't paying respect to the day.
Howard got Ronnie's mom on and she was getting upset with Howard for treating her son the way he does. Howard said he gets where he gets that coarse language from. He talked to Ronnie's mom about moving to Vegas with Ronnie. She said she wants to be close to her son and his lovely meat hole. She said she wants to make sure that Stephanie takes care of him. She said she has to be with him.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on with Ronnie's moustache and how big it is. Ronnie said he let it grow out a little more. He said he's always had one. Howard said it's bigger. Ronnie said it is thicker and wider. Howard said it works.
Howard talked to Ronnie's Mom about the heat out in Vegas. Ronnie's Mom said that you can't get swamp cunt out there. She was talking about having sex with the Blue Man Group and getting blue down there. Howard asked if she loves the Vegas heat. Ronnie's Mom said she loves it. She was talking about a bunch of sex stuff. Ronnie's Mom said that she loves Stephanie and she feels like she shit her out of her piss flaps like she did with Ronnie. She said she loves her.
Howard said Ronnie is closing on the house today even if it's not what he expected. Ronnie said it is what he expected. Ronnie was talking about how he'll be laughing when they're in New York with 2 feet of snow this winter. Ronnie's Mom said she's not going back to New York. She said she's staying out there. Howard said have a beautiful day today Mrs. Mund.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he was thinking about Ronnie wanting closure with Howard and he doesn't think he knows what it means. He said it's when something ends and nothing is ending. He said he just moved. Ronnie said he's not going to see Howard in person. Ralph said he'll be back. Ronnie said he tried to see him and say goodbye but he got ditches. Howard thanked Ralph for the call.
Howard said he was going to get together with Ronnie but then the Delta variant hit and he didn't meet with him. He said he'll see him again. Ralph said that it'll never end so no one will see Howard again. Howard said hopefully people will get vaccinated and they'll be able to go out.
Howard read some feedback about the obituaries they did last week. He read about the different people he talked about dying like Ed Asner, Willard Scott, Jackie Mason and Dusty Hill.
Howard said good for him coming out. He said he's sure it was a liberating day. He said Robin was upset because she was trying to hook up with him for years. He said she came to him asking what's wrong with her because she can't get this guy. Robin joked that she had thrown herself at this guy. Howard said he had to cradle her for an hour.
Robin said he claimed it was just a character he was playing. She said he was such a good actor. Fred played a few clips of Robin asking ''Are you going to fuck me?'' and things like that.
Howard said another guy he didn't get to talk about was Dave Lampert who was the inventor of the Sybian. He said this guy must have lived under a giant rock. He said he worked on the Sybian. He said one of Fred's famous drops is Dave Lampert saying ''Get the poison out of your system Raven.'' Fred played that. Howard said they brought in Raven Alexis who sat on the Sybian while Dave coached her through it. He said it was legendary. He said it was fabulous for her to have this invented with her. It would be like having Steve Jobs helping you with your iPhone. Howard played some audio of Dave with Raven on the Sybian.
Howard said it was a great day in radio history. Robin said he told her to keep her eyes closed. Howard said she may have run out of the room if she opened them. Howard said he's like the Orville Reddenbacher of the sex world.
Howard said Raven left the porn industry after that and now she's working for a Supreme Court Justice. He said that Dave got her to cum real hard.
Howard said Dave got so carried away that he started mentioning Robin's name in there.
Howard said they're running out of time so he has a few things he can get to. He asked if she wants to get to the Wack Pack Summer Roundup or the Mitch McConnell audio book. Robin said she wants to hear the Wack Pack. Howard said that the Sybian sells for $1,400 on Amazon. He said he figured prices would come down as the production increased. Robin said they have not. Howard said he figured it would be like the iPhone and they'd mass produce them and every house would have one.
Howard said he remembers they used to sell the Sybian in a box like a suitcase so you could move it around to a hotel or wherever you went with it. He said it was like a steamer trunk. He said Dave would wheel that thing in and unpack it. He said it's like the President with the guy with the suitcase for the nuclear bomb. He said they had several attachments in the suitcase and the woman would sit on it and enjoy it with a big penis. He said it was like a bucking bronco horse. Howard said he had one but he used it for mixing paint.
Howard asked if Robin ever tried it. Robin said no she did not. Howard said he figured she'd try it. Robin said it's not necessary. Howard said it might have been good for her. Robin said you'll never know.
Howard said he should have gotten her one. Robin said don't do that or she'll send it to his house. Howard said he has children so she can't do that.
Howard said he can't believe they lost that voice. He said they have it available in 4 colors. He went through them. He said who knew. Fred was playing clips of Dave while they talked about him. Howard said he misses him already.
Robin said she wonders about when he came up with the idea and told people about it, how did that go? Howard wondered what color he'd go with. He said probably black with chocolate. He said it would mix nice with the motif there.
Howard wondered if they still have the ad for the Sybian online. Someone sent him a link for the infomercial for the Sybian. Howard played some audio from that.
Howard said someone told him over vacation that if you want a healthy prostate if you cum like 20 times a month you can't get prostate cancer. He said you have to keep milking that prostate. Howard said his buddy told him that. He said he probably made it up. He said he told Beth that she had to make him cum 20 times a month and she said ''That's not happening.'' He said he told her that it was from Dr. Fauci.
Howard said he knows Wendy is slow but he thinks she could make doody on a toilet. Robin said she did at one time. Howard said that was their big cliffhanger before they went on break.
Howard said they were able to find a new home in Georgia. He said she now lives there in Georgia. He said the sad news is that she's so large that she can't fit through the doors. He played a clip of Wendy talking about how she can only fit through the room by the kitchen. She let Wolfie know about that and she was coughing and sounding like she was throwing up.
Howard said the house in Florida must have had wider doors than this one. He said he's not sure how you don't fit through a door. Robin said her mom must know that she's that big. Howard said maybe she bought the house so Wendy can't go into those rooms. Robin asked if she can get into the kitchen. Howard said he hopes not.
Howard said Wendy has had that cough for like a year now. He said that's not good.
Howard said you'd think that Wendy would have a house built backwards, not Ronnie. He said Wolfie says that she has to have wide doors for her wheelchair. Howard said she also says that she sees ghosts in the house. He said that kind of sucks too. He said the house is haunted. He said she reminds him of a fish that grows as large as the aquarium it lives in. He said maybe she won't be able to get out some day.
Howard played a clip of Wendy talking about being able to see her daddy's ghost with her cat. She said that she gets to hang with her ghost dad every day. She said he knocked some stuff over in her and her mom's room. Wolfie asked how she knows it's her dad. She said he controls her wheelchair. She said she can see the ghost too. Howard said that's a beautiful interview from Wolfie.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she wanted to remind everyone that Wendy voted for Trump. Howard said she's mentally slow so that's why she did that. The caller said she knows, she just anted to remind everyone.
Howard said Sal sees ghosts too. He said he's not far ahead of her on the mental capacity thing.
The caller asked if Ronnie had a Bar Mitzvah. Howard said he's a weird kind of Jew. He said he's totally indistinguishable as a Jew. He said there's nothing about him that says Jew. Robin said he gives off a Christian vibe.
Howard asked Ronnie if he was Bar Mitzvah'd. Ronnie said he was. He said he doesn't remember anything about it. Ronnie asked why the caller is making fun of everyone on the show. He asked why it's a big deal. The caller said she just wanted to know.
Howard said he's going to give Ronnie something. Howard started to chant but Ronnie said he forgot all of that stuff. He said he had a Rabbi come to his house every week and he took the lessons. He said he's forgotten it all. Howard asked if he can't remember any of it. Ronnie said he doesn't remember any of it. He said the Rabbi smelled and he wanted to get it over with and he did. He said he sang the whole thing and went to the temple and that whole thing. He said he doesn't remember any of it though.
The caller said she really likes Ronnie and she wants to know what his Hebrew name is. Ronnie said that he was Bar Mitzvah'd and that's that. Howard said he's not sure what to make of Ronnie. He said he didn't know he was Jewish when he met him. Ronnie said he has pictures from back then. Howard asked if he wore Tefillin. Ronnie said he did. Howard said that's super Jewy. He said that's for people who are super Jewish.
Howard asked if Ronnie remembers the Pledge of Allegiance. Ronnie said he may remember some of it. Howard asked Ronnie to fill in this blessing. He started it but Ronnie said he remembers nothing about it. Howard said he's not sure how he went to Hebrew school and remembers nothing. Ronnie said he was 11 and a half and he doesn't remember it.
Howard said Hand Job Connie he remembers. Ronnie said he remembers her and the street and everything. Howard said there's the answer. He said Pamela got her answer there.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she got a tattoo this summer. She asked them to guess what it is. She said she got 6939 tattooed. Howard asked what that is. Mariann said it was the number for the safe when he signed his new contract. Howard said that's right. He hung up on her.
Howard said he has a High Pitch Erik update. He said Erik has become high society. He said he has so much money from Cameo that he's able to live a lavish lifestyle. He said this is mind blowing. He said he spent the summer playing golf and smoking expensive cigars.
Howard had some audio of Erik smoking cigars with a friend and reviewing the cigar. He said he would recommend them to a lot of customers.
Howard said Erik's golf average is 115. Robin asked if that's good or bad. Howard said he had to ask too. He said between 96 and 100 is good so maybe not. He said Erik has gone into a whole new lifestyle.
Howard said Ass Napkin Ed's summer was filled with being gross. He played a clip of Ed talking about sharting in his pants on a walk to the deli. He said he was wearing white jeans at the time. He said a ton of shit came out so it came out of the pants and dripped down. He told Wolfie how his shoes were full of shit and he had to walk 3 blocks to get home.
Howard said Ed's whole summer plan was to be gross. Robin asked what happened to his ass napkins. Howard said he should be taking horse dewormer. He said that's the kind of guy who should be taking it.
Howard said Ed says that he sprayed his boots with Febreeze but never washed them out.
Howard said Tan Mom's husband passed away. He said he had many things wrong with him including cancer, a heart condition and COVID-19. Robin asked what he could have been doing to upset her. Howard said Tan Mom would make him drive her around and referred to her as ''Driver.'' Howard said Memet once rode along with her in the limo and he has some audio of her interacting with her husband. Howard played the clip and Tan Mom asked ''Driver'' to change the music they were listening to. Howard said that was from before his health issues.
Howard said he's contemplated death and even if there's no afterlife he's in a better place.
Howard said he has Jeff the Drunk on the line if you want an update from him. He took his call and Jeff said he went to Vegas. He said he had a bunch of health issues all summer too. Howard said that's shocking. Jeff said he got his cataract taken out of his left eyeball. He said his right ear is clogged shut so he's going to the doctor tomorrow. He said he put his finger in there and there's a bunch of wax. Howard said he's going to throw up. Jeff said he puts paper towels in there and some of it didn't come out. Howard said so he has paper towel stuck in there. Jeff said they pulled some of it out but they may not have gotten it all. He said he has to go back to the doctor.
Howard said he has a note about how he had yellow and agree pus coming out of his ear. Howard said he almost threw up reading that.
Robin asked what he was doing in Vegas while all of this was going on. Jeff said this guy got fired for hiring him the day after he left. Howard said a guy hired him to appear at a bar and he got fired for hiring him. Jeff said yeah, basically. Howard asked what he did that got him fired. Robin said ''Nothing!'' Jeff said they got him a scooter to get around in and no one showed up to the event. Howard said it cost them a fortune so that's why he got fired. He said of course they fired the guy. Jeff said they had one person a day. He said he was there for 3 nights.
Howard said asked what it cost to hire him. Jeff said like $1000. Howard said plus plane fare and the scooter. Jeff said beers too. Howard said they probably told the guy that he was out after spending all of that money on him. He said they must have thought he'd attract a crowed. He said anything you do with Jeff backfires.
Howard asked if he was upset he lost his job. Jeff said he was sorry. Howard asked if he was embarrassed that no one was there. Jeff said yeah he was. Howard said if he owned a bar he would hire Jeff to appear at the bar across the street to ruin their business. He said it's crazy. He said if someone asked him to come to a bar and no one showed up he'd be devastated. He said Jeff has the right attitude. He said he doesn't care and has no shame.
Howard asked if the ear smells horrible when it comes out. Jeff said he doesn't smell anything. Howard said it must smell. Jeff said no.
Howard thanked Jeff for the update. Jeff told Howard to have a good day. Howard said he bets the guy who hired him was a fan of the show and thought that he was doing something for them. He asked how you don't attract anyone to the bar. Jeff said one guy said he didn't know him but his mother does. Howard said the shame and embarrassment of that...
Howard said it sounds like a big success story in Jeff's life. He asked if he has heard from the guy who was fired. Jeff said he has talked to him. Howard asked what he said. Jeff said something but no one understood what he said. Jeff said he wanted to know something about him on the scooter. He said it was something about the video of him on the scooter. Robin said no. Howard wrapped up and said he's glad he had a nice summer. He let him go after that.
Howard said Jeff went to Vegas, got his ears cleaned and drove a scooter. He said they should get out of there now. He said they've done enough show. He said that's a whole story. Howard said it's like the Honeymooners with the guys coming up with a great idea to have Jeff the Drunk at the bar. He went through the whole thing with all of the characters from the show and having them screw it all up.
Howard wrapped up and said that Jimmy Kimmel will stop by tomorrow. He said they'll see how he's doing. He said they had him out to their house during the summer so they'll see if he has any observations. He said he was there during that window of time when they were loosening up. He said he feels like we're back to square one. He ended the show around 10:40am.
Howard started the show talking about how something feels wrong with his setup. He said he had to do some technical work. He said he'll work with it the way it is. Robin said it sounds fine to her. Hoards said it's a good thing he knows how to build a radio studio.
Howard asked how Robin is. Robin said she's afraid of everything around her. She said Apple announced that there's a flaw in everything Apple. She said they have sent out some download that you can get for all of your stuff so people can't get into your device. She said it's a no click kind of attack. She said you don't have to click on anything for anything to happen. She said now everyone is saying that you have to do this to every device you have. Howard asked where she heard this. Robin said it was on several TV stations this morning. She said they can work your camera. She said they can take it over. Howard said whenever he beats off he covers the camera on his iPhone. He said he uses 3 tissues when he beats off. He said just one tissue he puts on the camera. He said he'll demonstrate for Robin. He showed her how he covers up the camera. He said he folds it a couple of times so you can't see through it. He said he puts it over the camera hole. He showed Robin where he puts it so it wraps around. He said it interferes with some of the porn. He said you have to have it this way so it doesn't block your porn. He said that's a helpful tip for people out there.
Howard said he has gotten robo calls saying that they see you playing porn and stuff. He said that's not going to affect his career that much if people see him doing that. He said the goofy faces he makes might not be good for his career. He said it would be aimed at his head and not his penis.
Howard said welcome to his Ted Talk. He said he talks about wrapping his phone with a tissue when you beat off. He said it's a master class on masturbation.
Howard said Jon Hein has an update for the Apple thing. Jon said Robin pretty much nailed it. He said you can get an iMessage and through that the Spyware gets on your phone and they can do anything on the phone. He said they can turn anything on. Howard said they can text you and it can take over. Jon said it's a zero click exploit. He said it came from Spyware that was done by a government. He said Apple does have this fix available though so everyone who has an Apple product should download it. Howard asked his IT team to get on that right away for him.
Robin said she usually looks at her computer and goes over what's happening in the news but now she's afraid. Howard said he's never seen her afraid. She said it could be looking at her already. Howard said imagine they get on Jon's phone and they just get him watching Gilligan's Island reruns.
Tom said he was at a meeting last month with Rush Limbaugh. Howard said Rush has been dead for 6 months. Tom said it must have been someone else then. Tom told Howard to lay off the drugs if he is doing them. He said he loves cocaine and left. Howard said that was Craig Gass for those who were wondering. Robin said that he does a great Tom Arnold. Howard said he knew he had Robin fooled.
Howard said Craig got in touch with him the other day and said he does a great Tom Arnold. He said that he just wanted him to know. He said he started in with him for being off for the summer for a drug rehab. He said he told him he has to call in and do that.
Howard said he's sure that Tom is honored by that. He said no one can do an impression of him. He said Jimmy Fallon can sort of do him but he can't fool anyone with the impression. Robin said that was great Craig. Howard said Craig does a lot of great voices. He said he does Sam Kinison and other voices. Howard said he thought Robin would like that. Robin said that was funny. Howard said Craig does Gene Simmons and Gary too. He said he's good.
Howard said Wolfie's mom still isn't vaccinated. Robin said she got the Shingles vaccine. She knew that she might not do it. Howard asked if he can tell Wolfie about his mom being interviewed for the paper. Wolfie said sure. Howard said Wolfie told him that she never got vaccinated. He said they spent like 15 minutes talking to her about that on the air. He asked if she's seen the grandchildren. Wolfie said she hasn't. Howard said that's crazy.
Howard said Wolfie's mom was interviewed for a newspaper and she told the reporter that she got the vaccine and listed the side effects from it. Wolfie said she actually never said she got the vaccine but she did tell the interviewer that she had COVID in January and had a lot of health issues. He said that she said she used Vitamin D to fight through it. He said she never brought it up that she had COVID in January so that was a complete lie.
Howard said when you hear Nicki Minaj saying her friend got impotent that's a big statement. He said when you hear Wolfie's mom saying it went away with Vitamin D then that's the kind of misinformation that's going around. Wolfie said it was so disturbing. He said someone sent him to this thing and told him about it months after his mom was in the paper. He said he still hasn't talked to her about it. He said it's so disturbing that he's not sure how to get into it with her.
Howard said that Jim Breuer was talking about the vaccine and said something about him without bringing his name up. He said if you're going to attack him then just say what you're thinking. He said he's not sure why they call him a rich radio guy when he grew up with less money than they did. He said he gets his information from the CDC and the government and Dr. Fauci. He said that the FDA is saying that they have approved this vaccine. He said that's where he gets his information. He said it has nothing to do with his Butler or making a good living. He said he's not a Liberal. He said he's hardly a liberal. He said that he's more conservative. He said if he can't trust the FDA and the board of elections and the system they have set up then there's anarchy. Robin asked what he said about this rich radio personality. Howard said he didn't hear it. He said the guys told him about it. He said there's not many rich radio personalities. He said the average income of radio guys is about $30,000. He said maybe not even. He said it might be 18,000.
Howard said stop getting your advice from witch doctors and people making up stories about this stuff. Wolfie said that his mom sends him stories from places like PatriotShield.com and places like that. He said it's not legitimate news sources.
Howard said these guys like Trump and Larry Elder are talking about how these elections are rigged but then they win and they claim they're not rigged. He said as long as we keep being conspiracy theorists we're doomed. He said that our freedoms are really being taken away then.
Howard said that he doesn't trust himself with science. He said the guy he does trust is Dr. Agus. He said that he checks in with him regularly. He said he tells him that they will need a booster shot. He said he was told to take a baby aspirin every day to prevent cancer. Robin asked if it prevents cancer now. Howard said he wrote a whole book on it. He said that it's a tremendous deterrent for cancer from what he read. He said that he's getting his medical information from a doctor. He said he's not going to listen to Nicki Minaj. He said he's going to listen to Dr. Agus and Dr. Fauci. He said he's listening to the FDA and the government. Howard said he's not sure why the vaccine isn't good but everything else the FDA has approved is okay to take. He said he's not sure what's going on and he's not trying to make this political.
Howard said he's saying that we can get rid of this with vaccines like we did with Polio and Measles and Mumps. He said that's what we did in the past. He said he wants to walk out of his house without a mask on. He said that's what he's after. He said that's all he wants. He said that his parents are elderly and he has kids that he wants to visit. He said he wants the economy to get back to where it was. He said he's not trying to win anyone over. He said he just wants to get back to normal.
Gary said Jim has been on this train for longer than just the other day. He said the mask thing was one thing he was against. He said that he put out a video a while back about wanting freedom from the mask thing. He said it bummed him out. He said he had no idea that this was his thing. Howard asked if he did it as Goat Boy. Gary said he didn't. He said he hasn't bought into the masks from the start. Howard said he has a quote from Jim about what these people are doing and how they're following an agenda so that's why they push this stuff. Gary said he seems to think that he's trying to rule the world like George Soros. Howard said he only wishes that was really the thing. He said he loves Jim and thinks he's a tremendous talent but listen to him. He said he has no other agenda than to see this country healed from this virus.
Robin asked what Jim says to the family who had a pregnant woman and her husband who went into the hospital and the wife died and then the baby died and then the husband died. She said they have 5 living children. Howard said Hans and Franz weighed in and said you should take the vaccine.
Howard said lets say that he's in some special group and they decide to fuck everyone up. He said his secret is to get the whole country to wear masks as a goof on all of you. He said Jim is in show business so he should be in on that too. Gary said there seems to be two show businesses. He said that Jim and Joe Rogan apparently aren't in the same group that Howard is in. Howard said he doesn't even get invited to parties. He said he went to Steve Martin's house once. He said that's about it.
Howard said he loves Jim and he's 50 times more Hollywood than he is. He said he was on NBC and he works in night clubs and he's friends with Metallica. He said he's way more show biz than he is. He said he's not sure why he's show biz and he's not. Robin said she didn't know that he harbored this whole thing. Howard said this all started when he was talking about the vaccine and how the unvaccinated shouldn't be allowed in the hospitals.
Robin said he must have had these feelings before. Howard said he shouldn't be jealous of him. Gary said he has talked to Jim and he has praised him so much in the past. He said he thinks he's on this whole other thing now and he's not sure where it came from. Howard said he has emailed with Jim before and he's not sure where this came from either. Robin asked when Howard got into this group.
Howard said this Ivermectin thing isn't coming from any legitimate sources. He said that it's fun to think about this and UFOs and all of that. He said it's a distraction to keep you from thinking about it. He said that it's like a TV show and it's fun. He said there's not that much intrigue going on in the world. Robin said they have their own group because they're reading the same materials that they do. Howard said he hasn't been to any special meetings and he doesn't have an agenda. He only wishes there was a group. He said there's no special place for celebrities to get together with George Soros and eat babies. Howard said he's just trying to get through life. He said it's frustrating and annoying.
Robin said that Tom Brady won the Super Bowl last year and he might have won it with COVID. She said he claims that he tested positive for COVID the day after the game. Robin said people are saying that he got over it no problem. Robin said this is what people use as evidence. Howard said some people have it and never show symptoms. Robin said that you don't know what you can survive though.
Howard said a lot of fans wrote in about this. He read through some comments he got from fans. He had some support from the fans about the things he has been saying. He said if we stop taking the vaccines then these diseases will come back. He said if you stop the polio vaccine then it comes back. He said they have to have mandates about the vaccine. He said some people don't want that but to stop this thing we have to have them.
Howard said they know someone who hasn't gotten the vaccine and the family says that he has done his research. He said that he hasn't done the research that Dr. Agus has done.
Howard said someone wrote in about how they signed up for Sirius after reading his comments about the vaccines. He said he has people who bash him too. He read through some of those comments. He said everyone he knows has taken the vaccine and they're fine. He said believe the news when you see people dying in the hospital saying that they wish they had taken the vaccine. He said that you can't believe what people like Alex Jones is saying. He said this is a real thing.
Howard said that someone compared the polio vaccine and the COVID vaccine. He said it took 23 years to develop the Polio vaccine. Howard said that we've learned things about how to do it since the 1930s.
Howard said people attack him on things that aren't scientific. He said that people think he's some Hollywood insider living the high life. He said that's just not the case.
Howard said there's this woman Doja Cat who was the host. He said that the people who he wants to see perform are just presenting awards. He said Justin Bieber sang a song and he didn't know it was him because he was in a hoodie. He said guys are also grabbing their penis a lot these days. He said it seems like every guy has to do that.
Howard said Machine Gun Kelly showed up with Megan Fox. He said she showed up just about naked and it was weird to see her ass. He said it looked weird because she's so naked. He said he read a story about how that came up and why she was just about naked. He said she described how she came up with the idea. He said that she said it was Machine Gun Kelly who dressed her for this. He said that he wanted her to be naked and she said ''Yes daddy'' to him. Howard said that gave him a boner. He said that's hot. Robin said that's stupid. She said having a guy tell you what to do is something she's against. Howard said Robin is going to be nude at the MTV awards. Robin said she sees something growing. Howard said just try it.
Howard said the biggest drama took place on the red carpet. He said Machine Gun Kelly got into a fight with Connor McGregor. He said Connor wanted to take a picture with him and his body guard pushed him away. He said then Connor started throwing punches. Howard said if that happened to him he'd never push him away. Robin asked how Machine Gun Kelly got into it. Howard said you have him to be able to tell him to fuck off.
JD said that Connor claims he didn't ask for a picture. Howard said he was watching the awards and Connor was out in the crowd taking pictures without a mask on. He said he's not sure what's going on. He said some of us are living like we're going to die and some aren't.
Howard said he saw that Broadway is opening and he was like ''Why?'' He said the other news is there's a musical about Lady Diana. He said he never cared what she was up to. He said he's not sure what the big deal is. He said it was tragic when she died and all but we had a whole series on her and now a musical. He said its kind of a creepy subject. He said she died in a car crash because the Paparazzi were following her.
Howard said it's like Batman and how every story is about his origin. He said that he can't imagine what the music is going to be. Fred played some music and Howard made up lyrics for the musical. He was going through her life story. Robin gave him some suggestions on where to go with the story.
Howard said one song is ''He's In Love with a Much Uglier Lady.'' He made up that song on the fly. He said that's a good song. Robin said she wants to sing along. Howard said this is the part where she sings about Camilla's pussy smelling bad. He made up more of the song for that.
Howard made up song after song for this Lady Diana musical. He said he has to get to see that play. He made up a song where Prince Charles was singing about how his sons will never turn on him now that Diana is gone. He sang about how they'll always have a full head of hair too. The songs were going on about as long as an actual musical.
Howard said that people in the middle of COVID are going to be in the theaters all cramped together. He said he must be the only one who's out of it. Robin said he never went before so it's not stopping him. Howard said he certainly wouldn't go now.
Howard said he has the actual trailer for Diana the Musical. He played a clip and said it's not that different from what he's making up.
Howard said he went to Los Angeles once and the Paparazzi were following them and the guy driving wanted to speed away. He said he told the guy there's no reason to do that and just let them take pictures. He said he has never seen a Paparazzi picture of him. He said he has a reason to hide too. He said he's going to do what Justin Bieber was doing with his giant pants and hoodie on. He said that his wife was all fox'd up. He said she looks like she just came out of Glamour Magazine and Justin looks like he was just rolled.
Howard played more of the Diana musical trailer. The woman was singing but some of the song wasn't really easy to understand. Howard made up another song for the musical where he sang about running away from the Paparazzi.
Howard said he predicts this will last a week on Broadway. Robin said he doesn't know Broadway. Howard made up another song similar to what they were singing in the trailer. Howard said he decided this is worth getting COVID for. He said he's going. Robin said that he was singing a moment there and she didn't know that he had stopped. Howard said he's singing this on the fly. He played the rest of the trailer. He said he and Robin may have to go on a date to see it.
Howard replayed some of the trailer. He said that he thinks that they can do an interpretive dance for the part where they try to revive Diana. He said everyone is dressed like Charlie Chaplain and dancing around. He made up a song for that. Fred played the music and had some sound effects for the life support equipment and things like that.
Howard said he loves that celebrities urn from the Paparazzi. He said just be happy that someone cares. He said he never leaves his house so he doesn't worry about that. Robin said that she used to drive herself around and she'd have 75 people following her to her car. Howard said they had such a nice compound that they wouldn't have to leave but she just had to get out to have her freedom. That led to him making up a song about Diana having to get out of the compound.
Howard made up a song about how Diana wants to be able to change her tampon at a gas station bathroom like normal people do.
Howard heard a knock on the door so he checked who it was. It was Fun George Takei. George said Howard has finally embraced Broadway and he's very happy about that. Howard said Broadway is back and they have a bunch of plays that are open now. George sang about where Brad is and rang his bell. George sounded very happy that Howard has gotten into the Broadway thing. He was very excited about it. Howard was trying to do a live commercial read but Fun George was going on and on singing and talking about how excited he is.
Howard let Fun George go and did a live commercial read. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that's Ed Sheeran. Robin asked if he did something. Howard said he got in shape. Robin said she was shocked. She said he's handsome. Howard said he got married and has kids and he must have gotten his health together too. Robin said he can have a routine not being on the road so much. Howard said he was at the MTV awards and he enjoyed him. He said most of it was shitty but Foo Fighters were good. He said MTV is so irrelevant that it's weird to see them having an award show.
Howard said he's been following this Jeopardy thing and it got kind of ridiculous. He said it's a great gig and Alex Trebek died a wealthy man. Robin said he really bonded himself to that show. Howard said they finally picked a guy who was the Executive Producer of the show. He said his name is Michael Richards. He said that's not a very lucky name in show business. He said the guy worked on the show and he wanted to be the host. He said he finally got his due and they tried out everyone in show business and they made this Mike Richards guy the host. He said he finally makes it to hosting the show and then they dug out that he made fun of Jews or something. Robin said it was a #MeToo kind of thing. She said he had some complaints about the way he treated women at times. She said that he was in charge so there were a lot of complaints about him. Robin said Alex was a great guy and this guy seemed to be horrible.
Howard said he stepped down after he made some comments on his podcast. Howard said the guy was about to have it all and he had some shitty podcast back in the day and that's what brought him down.
Howard said he's not even sure what his comments were. He said he just knows that people were offended by him. He said he got to tape one week of shows that will be airing this week. Robin said she didn't know that he was stepping down as the producer too. Robin said they thought it would die down if they took him down from that front thing. She said he even stepped down from the Executive Producer of Wheel of Fortune. Howard said he lost all of that for a podcast. Howard said he may have to write a musical about that. Fred played some music and Howard made up a song about Mike Richards losing his job. He bailed out on that pretty quickly.
Howard said they took the Mitch McConnell audio book and chopped it up so that it sounds like he recorded a diary over the summer about what he did while they were away. Howard played some of those clips that the guys edited.
Howard had Mitch talking about billionaires going up into space during the summer. Howard said you have no idea how hard it is to cut this stuff up. He said that you will laugh. Howard said that he's not going into space no matter how much money he has.
Howard played the first clip of Mitch talking about the billionaires going into space in a giant thing that looked like a cock.
Howard played a clip of Mitch talking about Bill Cosby who looks like he got skull fucked in one of his eyes. Howard said that's pretty good commentary from Mitch.
Howard had a clip of Mitch talking about Britney Spears and if she wants some smelly old balls then she should give him a call. He said he almost gave himself a blow job thinking about it. Howard said that took 4 days to get together. He said it's 4 days and 5 writers to put that together. He said like the war in Afghanistan you wonder if it was worth it.
Howard said Mitch is a fan of the Kissing Booth movies. He said Mitch loved the third one. He played a clip that the guys had edited together where Mitch talked about how he liked part 2 and watched it with a bunch of other politicians. He said they came all over each other while they were watching.
Howard said Mitch also commented on Megan McCain leaving The View. He played that clip and Mitch talked about beating his meat to her every day. Howard said that took a full day to edit. He said the edited clips sound slightly less robotic than the actual Mitch.
Howard played a clip of Mitch talking about how he can't catch COVID because he's a demon from hell.
Howard played a clip of Mitch talking about how he was able to figure out how to get his own penis into his own asshole so he can fuck himself in the ass. He said he uses that so he can piss in there during a car ride so he can just save it up and shit it out later.
Howard said he could listen to these all day. He said that Mitch filled them in on the summer and he's ready for fall. He played a clip where Mitch talked about sticking apples up your ass but watch out for the doody.
Howard said a few months ago Ronnie gave tips on shaving your asshole. He said he read that question on the air and he gave his advice. He said he has a clip from that day. Howard played the clip and Ronnie gave a guy a tip about using shaving gel to shave your asshole.
Howard said that they got an update from a fan who isn't happy with that tip. He said the guy said that he nicked himself and he bled for weeks after. He said don't shave your asshole with Ronnie's tips.
Howard said he found this fascinating. He said they mentioned yesterday that Tan Mom's husband died. He said they got feedback from the audience and they shared the news about Richard dying. He said that Tan Mom thanked them for remembering him. Howard said that she said they had their ups and downs but they were close toward the end.
Howard said he knows people who don't get along and then they die and they're the greatest. He said that happened with Gary's mom and dad. He said that his mom turned his dad into a saint after he died. Gary said they got divorced and lived apart but they moved back in together. He said after he died his mom said that he was a saint.
Howard asked if he's shocked by Tan Mom. Gary said not at all. He said people hate each other and then they love them when they die.
Robin said she was wondering about the trajectory with Richard and Tan Mom. She said she learned that she took him back and now he's her best friend. Howard said he somehow turned into a good guy.
Howard read some feedback about Tan Mom and her late husband. Howard said it's kind of like that movie ''Some Kind of Wonderful'' with Eric Stoltz. He explained the movie and how it goes. He said he's watched that movie like 20 times. He said when you're a guy who looks like him you pray for that kind of situation. He said that he got Beth and that's amazing. He said that she asks him to stand up straight because he walks with a hunch. He said that's just great. He said he's hideous and now he's a hunchback. He said he seems to be going backwards with evolution. He said it's a good thing he lives near the sea. He said his life is that movie oddly enough.
Howard said he's sure you never hear Megan Fox asking Machine Gun Kelly to stand up straight. He said she's just like ''Yes daddy'' to anything he asks her to do.
Howard said they got a call from a woman named Jennifer who sounds like a man. He played a clip of Jennifer calling in and sounding like a man. Howard said sent a picture and she's a lovely lady but she's a big girl. Robin asked where the picture is. Howard said she doesn't need to see it. He said he'll send it to her. He said she's very lovely. Howard said the fans don't believe that she can be a woman. Howard said he does have pictures but he'll show Robin after the show. He said she's very attractive. He said she just has an unusual voice.
Howard said in China they have banned effeminate looking men from TV. He said they want to do away with ''sissy men'' on TV over there. He said that's where all of these people who want to be mask free should go.
Robin said over in China they're limiting the hours that kids can play video games when they're under 18. Howard said that's not a good idea. He said some kids are making money playing games.
Howard said he's not sure if they would ban him from TV over there. He said he might be a sissy man. He went through some celebrities that might be banned from TV over there. Robin and Howard went through a bunch of people they might ban from TV for being sissy men. Robin said most people in Hollywood might be banned.
Howard said he has to take a break and get Jimmy Kimmel in there. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said that's Van Halen coming at you. He said that's the Sammy Hagar version.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel is joining them. He said he backed the right horse with Jimmy on late night. He said David Letterman was on and so was Jay Leno. He said he was friends with Jimmy through the whole thing. He said a lot of people didn't back Jimmy in the beginning. He said he was there for him. He said now he's the new king of Late Night. He said he doesn't see Jimmy. He said he's just seeing himself. He said that's something you never want to see. Howard said maybe his connection is down. He said there he is.
Howard got Jimmy on and Jimmy said he was just staring at a black screen and then he appeared. Howard said he did an intro for him and said that he backed him from the beginning. He said now he looks like a genius.
Jimmy said Jay Leno is doing a new show and he has no ill will toward Conan. He said that's nice. Howard said that's really nice of him. He said that can't be real. Jimmy laughed. He said he did laugh just like this when he heard that.
Howard said he thinks that the two of them dislike Jay for different reasons. Howard said Jay is one of the best stand ups he's ever seen so he doesn't want to take that away. He said as a human being he didn't like him. He said he's sure Jay doesn't like him either. He said then he read that when Jimmy's son was ill in the hospital that Jay called him to ask how his son is. Jimmy said that's true. He said that makes it hard to dislike him.
Howard said it has to be hard when you want to have a few enemies and then the guy does a magnanimous thing and calls him. He said he did a whole show as Jay once dressed like him. He said he went on Jay's show and said things they told him not to say. He said he likes that but what was the call like. Jimmy said it was nice of him to check in. He said he thinks he asked if he needed him to do anything then he'd do it. He said he doesn't think it was when he was in the hospital.
Howard asked if they stopped with the fighting after that. Jimmy said they did. Howard said if he called he's not sure what he would do. He said he'd take the call. He said he has called people to apologize for shit he's done. He said some people are nice to him but some have yelled at him. Jimmy did his Jay voice and talked to Howard. Howard said he thinks that he could accept an apology. He said it wouldn't be fun anymore.
Howard said when he read that Jay was going to do You Bet Your Life he thought this guy has huge balls on him. He said that show was all about Groucho. He said he was offered that show years ago and he turned it down. He said that would be such a clown move. He said he's not sure what they're going to do. Jimmy said he's not sure what they're going to do with the show and he's not sure that anyone even remembers who Groucho is. He said it's not like it's on TV now. Howard said he doesn't give a shit about what Jay does.
Howard said he has a quote from Jay about ''You Bet Your Life'' and read it as Jay. He said Jay was talking about how there are no politics on the show. He said he's doing another bullshit move where he just ignores what's happening in this country. He said how about get some balls and come out and tell these dumb assholes to get vaccinated.
Howard asked if it's true that Jimmy, who was very vocal about Trump, had ABC trying to calm him down about the Trump stuff. Jimmy said early on there was a time when they would have preferred that he leave it alone and not focus on it so much. He said it makes sense. Howard asked why though. Jimmy said they were scared of him and they were afraid that he was going to fuck with them on a corporate level. He said they were trying to buy FOX at the time. He said he thinks that rightly so it was a rational fear at the time. Howard said that the FCC fucked with the company he worked for. He said he gets it. He said when the government does that it's really scary.
Howard said good for them for letting him do his thing. Jimmy said that he just said he was going to keep doing it and they were okay with it. He said he thinks they understood. He said they could have intervened if they could have.
Howard said he thinks that he just wanted to do it and see if they'd fire him. Jimmy said 15 years ago he may have stopped.
Howard said he read that Trump went to his people and asked them how they can mitigate the jokes that these guys were making about him. He said he wanted to make them stop in any way he could. He said he was really bummed out about what he was saying.
Jimmy said that Trump was on Greg Gutfeld's show and he made up this crazy story that's so wild. He said that he was on his show in 2007 and he claims that he was waiting on Hollywood Blvd. for him and he opened his door for him when he pulled up. He said he has never done that for any guest. He said he has never said hello to the guests before the show. He said he's not sure why he thinks he was acting like a valet in the parking lot. He said he's not out there waving him into the theater. He said it's weird when someone makes up a story like that. He said he knows that he makes up stories all the time but it's weird when it involves you. He said the President of the United States was a liar and he lies about stupid things. Howard said it is weird. He said people who lie are strange. He said Larry King made up a story about Sandy Koufax and he doesn't know why that is. He said it's odd that the President would make up stories like that about Jimmy. He said Trump was at his wedding and he was over the top there. He said it was fun but when you become President and start fucking with the system and say the election is rigged then it changes the relationship.
Jimmy said it was very odd that Trump was at a boxing match on the anniversary if 9/11. He said he hopes that he got a good deal on that. He said that it's just incredible that he has become bullet proof. He said that he was a democrat 20 years ago. He said Hillary Clinton was at his wedding. He said it's just crazy.
Howard said he just wants to get back to when Donald was his friend and they hung out at Mar-A-Lago. Howard said he could tell that Jimmy was bummed when he went there with him. Jimmy said he felt like they were visiting a rich uncle and they were visiting people at the funeral. He said it's just gaudy. Howard said he remembers Trump there with Melania. Jimmy said he wasn't there that night. Howard said that he thought it was fun going there. He said he just had a big smile on his face. He said when he took Jimmy there he thought he was going to die. Jimmy said he did.
Jimmy said Trump had a Variety magazine hanging in the lobby where they had the Nielson ratings on the cover. He said that he wasn't even number 1 with the Apprentice. He said it was nothing to be that excited about. Howard said it was like a character that he was playing. He said it's like putting up the cover of Time Magazine and it's a made up cover. He said that when you see that you think it's disturbing and people won't vote for him but people still voted for him.
Jimmy said if you have a cover of yourself on the cover of Time Magazine but you were never on the cover then you can't run for office. Howard said he agrees with him on that. Howard said he made some comments about the unvaccinated and he was attacked and then they threw Jimmy into the mix. Jimmy said he said something similar that night on his show. He said that it's a shame when ''real'' newspapers misrepresent what you said. He said that they made it seem like he said that no unvaccinated should get a hospital bed. He said he said that if you have to choose when the hospitals are full you should pick the vaccinated. He said that there are people who are suffering out there and it's because of these unvaccinated people. He said he has had this vaccine for 8 months now and he's not sure what these people are waiting for. He said he wants to know one person who has died from the vaccine. He said he knows 10 people who have died from COVID and not one from the vaccine.
Howard said Nicki Minaj said her ''friend'' is impotent now from the vaccine. Howard said there's no name or proof of that. He said the weird thing is that it's became a thing that it's all about liberals. Howard said he's not a liberal and any time there was a problem everyone came together and got vaccinated.
Jimmy said the odd thing is that Trump and his administration pushed for the vaccine to be developed and now his people are the ones saying that no one should get it. He said Trump said that everyone should get the shot and he got booed so he back tracked on it.
Howard said he knows that Trump wants to be loved by everyone but they don't so he's willing to say anything to get that love. He said it's getting the world in trouble.
Howard said he was double vaccinated and Jimmy and Molly came out and spent 5 days at his house during the summer. He said that he had friends who were going to come visit him next week but he called it off because of the Delta variant. He said he had a great time with Jimmy. Jimmy said he did too. He said it just makes him mad that people don't have common sense. He said they're so inconsistent in their thinking. He said it's really remarkable that these principles are so out of whack. He said there are a lot of people who did get the vaccine and didn't tell people about it. He said that no one is listening to them so they're at the point where there's no convincing people.
Howard said what's weird is with the Delta variant it's good that they got them to visit when he did. He said it was this one little window when his kids visited and then Jimmy visited a week later. Howard said then the doors closed again. He said it's just fucking crazy.
Howard said he had fun with Jimmy. Robin asked if they went out. Howard said they didn't go out. Jimmy said they called Ronnie once. Howard said they went on a long walk together too. He said the wives walk ahead of them. He said that's how they checked for land mines in Vietnam. Howard said that Jimmy stayed with him walking slower. He said they had some masculine talk and they ended up talking about Ronnie.
Jimmy said he was happy to hear that Ronnie was still going to be on the show. He said he's not sure they would have done that in times before COVID. Howard said he might be right about that.
Jimmy said that everyone is talking about Las Vegas and how they're making it out like he's in Mongolia. He said he wishes he had more cameras on Ronnie out there. Howard said he's right about that. He said he was bad on the phone call with Ronnie though. He said he told Ronnie that the weather out there would be fine. He said that was no fun.
Jimmy said he likes to think about Ronnie going to a strip club and finding his favorite. He said he wonders which one it'll be that he picks as his new home. Howard said they can be fully nude out there as long as you don't serve alcohol.
Howard asked if Jimmy thinks that Ronnie will be happy out there. Jimmy said the only time he's happy is when you hypnotize him. He said he thinks he'll be happy out there. He said it's kind of built for him out there in Vegas. He said he's got the NASCAR thing out there. He said they have strippers and it's a good place to retire if you're an older person. Robins said he can go to the shows too. Howard said they also have the girlfriend experience out there but he knows Ronnie won't do that.
Howard said he found it funny when they went to the track to walk and they called Ronnie to find out how he was doing. He said Jimmy kind of backed off of being mean to him. Jimmy said that he'd take a 90 degree day in Vegas over that temperature in Florida. He said the humidity is the big thing there.
Howard said he and Jimmy talked and watched something on TV. Jimmy said they watched The Bachelor. Howard said Jimmy didn't want to see it but everyone else did so they watched it. Jimmy said he wanted to watch Black Widow instead.
Howard said the first people to visit him were Mary McCormack and her husband. He said they canceled because their flight got canceled at the last minute. He said then his kids came for the week and they hung out. He said then Jimmy was coming. He said he was so fucking nervous when he came. He said he's so nervous about COVID. He said that they had to take tests before they came in. He said he got tested and Jimmy and Molly had been tested. Howard said once the tests came back negative he thought it was so great. He said he was able to navigate in his own home.
Jimmy said he was very nervous about the whole thing too. He said he was nervous about getting COVID and bringing it to Howard. He said he's not sure they would have survived that friendship if they had done that. Howard said it wouldn't have. He said he would have lost another friend.
Howard said Jimmy is a good friend. Jimmy said Howard always waits to get back to work to talk about this stuff so they had to wait for a long time this time. Jimmy said that he got Howard that ring and he was kind of upset he didn't like that. He said he thinks he'll change his mind on that though. He said he also noticed that Howard used to put the painting that he had made for the wedding in the guest room. Howard said he fucked up. He said Jimmy bought him a painting from this artist and he thinks it's horrible. Jimmy said Robin knows it's not. Howard said he got this painting done and it's a sweet gift and he looks like an inflatable balloon in the painting. He said that Beth looks like a train hit her. He said it's a sweet thought but they put the painting in the attic and they would bring it out for them when the visited. He said he forgot this time. He said they forgot to hang up the painting. He said it's ludicrous when you think about it. He said you know that he doesn't like it. Jimmy said it's a nice tradition.
Howard said Beth is going to be mortified by that. He said Beth wondered if they did anything wrong. Jimmy said he wants to know what he could do better for guests and he would tell Beth. He said that he thinks he made some suggestions for what they could do for guests. He said it really was perfect even without the picture.
Howard said after Jimmy is entertaining and not annoying. Robin asked if he played any pranks. Howard said not at all. He said he knows better. He said he's very respectful.
Howard said he and Jimmy have a genuinely nice time. He said that you want to get together and everyone goes off to their own room to do their own thing. He said you don't have to maintain them. He said after Jimmy leaves he starts sending gift after gift. He said that he doesn't have to do that. He said he sends so many things and one of them was this ring that Molly was wearing that Beth liked. Jimmy said it's called an Oura ring. Howard said he saw this ring and Beth never wears a ring on her middle finger but Molly told her about this Oura ring. He said it tracks everything you do and how much exercise you get.
Howard said Tim Stack sent him a story about a toilet seat that can monitor your bowel movements and give you results instantaneously. He said that it discovers things right away. Robin said it's all from your doody.
Howard said he heard about this ring and Jimmy and Molly sent them the rings. He said Beth is using it but he's not. He said he told Beth to get rid of it but she insists on wearing it. He said he doesn't want to know if he slept badly. Jimmy said he can see when he was woken up at night He said it's great. He said he can see when he got up to pee and all of that. He said it can tell you have COVID because your body will increase in temperature. Howard said that's good. He said he finds the ring kind of invasive. He said the ring actually emailed Beth and told her that she could do better than Howard.
Howard said Jimmy sends a lot of great gifts. Jimmy said he thought that Howard should have lids for his paints. Howard said he looked them up and got them after Jimmy mentioned it. He said now he has like 20 lids. Jimmy said he didn't want to send them but he thought it was a great idea. He said to improve his life in any way is a true challenge. He said he thinks the ring would help him. Howard said he might try it but he's going to get upset if it tell him he had a horrible night of sleep when he feels like he slept well.
Howard said Jimmy has a picture of him, David Letterman, Martin Short and people like that up there. He said he feels honored to be on his wall. Jimmy said he is correct that he respects him. He said he used to have Woody Allen up there but he had to take him down. He said it would be a weird spot to have him up there. Howard said they grew up loving woody Allen and it's all screwed up now. He said he thought his book was great but now he's conflicted about the whole thing.
Howard asked if he would have Woody Allen on his show if he asked to come on. Jimmy said he definitely would. Howard said maybe he has to re-think his answer then. Robin said it's kind of endorsement if you have him on the show. She said it all depends on how you handle it.
Howard said he was going to bring up Mike Lindell the My Pillow guy. He said Jimmy had him on his show. He asked what that was like for him. Howard said he has such kooky opinions. Jimmy said he feels sorry for the guy. He said he doesn't think what he's doing is commendable but he obviously has a screw loose. He said that they think they can reinstate Trump to office but they don't have anything but numbers that someone pulled out of nowhere. Howard said someone needs to get him a conservator.
Howard asked if there was debate about having him on his show. He said you have so much fun making fun of the guy and then you feel empathic about the guy. He said it kind of takes the fun out of it. Jimmy said they're making fun of him again on the show tomorrow. He said he has empathy for the guy because he thinks that he believes this stuff. He said he had a drub problem at one point and that might have an affect on the way he thinks. He said that he loves the idea that he had dinner with Trump and these kooks are getting together. He said it's like Trump has his own Wack Pack.
Howard said that Trump doesn't believe any of this shit but he has to appease this guy. He said that he has to keep him around and it's just fucking weird. Howard said he loves High Pitch Erik but he's not going to have him over to Mar-A-Lago if he owns something like that.
Jimmy said he had a guy on the show who asked about the wacky people that they like and how they're different from each other because Howard doesn't invite them into his own home like he does.
Howard asked if Letterman is still the guy he really looks up to. Jimmy said he's not sure about that. Howard said he's been on the air longer than Dave now so he should be his number one guy. He said Dave stopped doing his show so that's the end of that. He said he'll fight Letterman to win that title.
Howard asked if Jimmy is with him on this Mike Richards thing. He said this Executive Producer guy was waiting in the wings to host the show and then he gets it. He said he gets it and then it's all taken away because of a podcast. Jimmy said he just mentioned something that rang a bell with him. He said he wasn't thinking of him as Michael Richards and he's only the second one to get canceled. He said you have to believe that he's kicking himself in the ass a lot. He said he didn't pay a lot of attention to the news over the summer. He said he was trying to figure out what it was that he said that got him in trouble. Howard said they said he said something about Jews but he's not sure what it was because no one will print it.
Howard said Jimmy is in this documentary about the 1986 Mets. Jimmy said that he has realized that being into sports is just stupid. Howard said he doesn't listen to sports radio so he doesn't get the concept. He said he assumes that these guys argue about the game that's coming up on Sunday. He said they argue about it but they could just wait until Sunday to see how it turns out. Jimmy said that he's more interested in his sports memories than sports that are currently happening. He said he doesn't get into it like he used to. He said he used to get upset but that's dumb.
Howard asked who his football team is. Jimmy said he doesn't really have one. He said he likes the Mets and the 1986 Mets were really something. He said you don't have to be a baseball fan to be into this documentary. Howard said he wasn't a big sports fan but he was into the Knicks back in the day. He said this Mets team was filled with a lot of great names. He said he loved that team too. Robin said Howard got her into the Mets back then because he would tell her about how amazing they were.
Howard asked why he made a documentary on the Mets. Jimmy said that this director called and asked if he wanted to be involved. He said he told him that the Mets and the MLB were all in on it. He said many people have wanted to make it but this is the first time that the Mets agreed to be part of it. He said that the team was almost all on amphetamines and cocaine. He said they had fights and arrests happening and crimes to committed. He said it was crazy stuff.
Howard asked why the Mets agreed to it. Jimmy said he thinks they're smart and everyone knows the story already so this is the truth of what happened. He said it's fun. He said Howard is in the documentary. Howard said he doesn't remember this at all. Jimmy said if you Google ''Lets Go Mets'' you'll see some of the biggest stars in the city at the time and Howard is in it. Howard said he has no memory of that at all. He said he didn't even remember having anything to do with it.
Gary said that he remembers that time. He said that everyone had Mets fever and Howard did it right from his chair in the studio during a commercial break. Howard said he's shocked that his agent let him do it. He said he was told never to do any of that shit. Gary said he might have done it for the air.
Howard said he has to compliment Gary for having a photographic memory. He said he's amazed by his memory. He said Gary remembers things about the Mets that people didn't remember. Jimmy said that he remembered that a player hit the Newsday sign with a home run. Gary said he remembered the clank noise it made as it hit the sign. He said that was Dave Henderson who hit the sign.
Howard said he has some memory. Gary said he remembers that Glen Close sang the National Anthem that day. Gary said it was the greatest night he ever spent with his dad. Howard said he remembers nothing about the 86 Mets. Gary said they almost blew it in the Houston series. He said that they went down 2-0 with the Red Sox. He said they ended up coming back in the 6th game of the World Series.
Jimmy said that's amazing that it was one of the best nights he had with his dad. He said many of the players had complicated times with their dads. He said that Keith Hernandez would get yelled at by his father in the locker room after his at bats. Howard said he remembers talking to Keith about his dad and how overly coaching he was. He said it's crazy. Jimmy said Darryl Strawberry's dad was really bad and he thought about killing his dad. He said that people would call him names in the crowd and it didn't bother him because his dad did it to him so much growing up.
Howard said those stories explain why so many of these guys ended up on drugs. He said that can lead to serious problems. He said he's going to watch this thing.
Gary said there's an amazing story about Keith Hernandez in the special. He said they're talking about one of the players who everyone is talking about who died a few years ago. He said everyone talks nice about him except Keith who said that no one liked him.
Jimmy said that they were having sex with groupies between innings of the game. He said it was complete craziness happening at all times.
Gary asked who the star is in this documentary. Jimmy said it's Lenny Dykstra. He said that he is trouble but he's funny too. Howard asked if he talks about pussy the whole time. Gary said he does. Jimmy said he's the kid who came in and he was small at the time. He said he gave himself the nickname ''Nails'' because he's tough as nails. Howard said he was an amazing player. He said he had no idea he came up with that himself.
Jimmy said one of the most haunting stories in the documentary was when one of the guys was talking about Len Bias dying. He said they were talking about his overdose on cocaine and that was a moment for them thinking it could happen to them. Gary said it was Gooden who was talking about that. Jimmy said that Gooden was thinking about how it could happen to them and he calls and asks his dealer for the same stuff that Bias took.
Gary said the Manager was just as crazy as the team was. He said he didn't care who they were fucking or what they were doing with drugs. He said they just had to show up to play. Howard said he heard about how they'd pick women out of the stands and have them down to fuck them.
Gary said there was a pitcher who wrote a book about how he'd get women. He said he'd get blown under the stands and go back to the bull pen.
Howard asked where you see this documentary. Jimmy said that Howard should have played little league. Howard said he wishes he had. He said if he had a mentor to play ball he thinks he would have liked to have played. He said his father never really watched baseball with him or anything. He said he could have had a good time like that out there. Howard said the documentary is on ESPN tonight and tomorrow night. Jimmy said it's uncensored on ESPN too. He said they air it censored on ESPN 2.
Howard said Jimmy is becoming a mogul with all of this stuff he's involved with. He said he's very busy with it all. He said he must be worth a billion dollars. Jimmy said it's not a lucrative thing but it's fun. He said the best thing was when he found Howard singing ''Lets go Mets...'' Howard said he didn't believe that was even himself in it. He said he didn't remember doing it.
Jimmy said it was fun calling people and trying to get the rights to use their music in the documentary. Howard said Jimmy was trying to look masculine during the summer but Jimmy said he had to call LL Cool J to get the rights to his music. He said he said he had to go call Run DMC so he'd look like he had something going on.
Howard said everyone was fawning over Jimmy. Jimmy said everyone checks him out when he takes off his shirt and slides into the pool. Howard said he remembers the days when he had a belly and tits. He said he looks good now. Jimmy said they're back. He said he just shot a commercial for the Playtex 15 hour bra.
Howard said he was watching Jimmy on his old show and he was kind of a chubby guy. He asked what he has done to himself. He asked if he has had any surgeries or anything. Jimmy said he just stopped eating. He said it's all about the food. He said he used to go to buffets when he was a kid and they would go to the Stardust casino. He said that his dad would yell at him about his plate of mashed potatoes. He said it was expected to eat his money's worth.
Howard said he remembers early on his talk show when he had a liquor license. He said that lasted like a week. Jimmy said it was one day. Jimmy said they were serving free drinks in the green room and they had people showing up when they weren't booked. He said they had like 100 people in the green room. He said he had to kick people out. He said that it was complete madness. He said he can't believe that it happened.
Howard asked if Jimmy thinks that taking summer off will keep him on the air longer. He asked how long he's been doing it now. Jimmy said 19 years later this year. Howard asked if he thinks he'll stay at it longer or will he think that he should be off more because he likes his summers off. Jimmy said he loves having time off. He said he doesn't know. He said that he thinks he knows sometimes but then when it comes time to make a decision he's not sure.
Howard asked if he watches when Spade fills in or someone like that. Jimmy said he will watch but doesn't get worked up over it. He said that won't send notes or anything to his staff. He said after having guest hosts they come up with ways to make his life easier when he comes back.
Howard asked if he has someone in mind that would be good at taking over for him. Jimmy said he has maybe 4 people in mind. He said he'd rather not say who they are but he may not even remember who the 4 are. He said that it depends on the guest too. He said you never know how someone is going to be. Howard said Conan had to go through that and you have to build an audience over time. Jimmy said it makes no sense to judge a show on one performance.
Howard said he thinks it takes a secure man to have a guest host on the show. He said he had Medicated Pete fill in for him over the summer.
Howard asked if Jimmy walked away from the show if he'd feel empty not having an audience. Jimmy said he doesn't really have that. He said people think that he intended to host a late night talk show. He said that if he had been a writer on Letterman's show that would have been more than enough for him. He said he doesn't really have that. He said that he's not going to stop doing stand up. He said he just needs a little bit of that. He said he could get that from social media. He said just doing a 30 second video and getting a lot of likes might be enough for him.
Howard said he had Jimmy Fallon over when Jimmy was there. He said they seem to get along just great. Jimmy said he loves Fallon and he thinks he likes him too. He said the late night fighting doesn't make sense. He said that Fallon or Colbert will make jokes that they think are great. He said you wish you had done that but there's no point in fighting. He said they haven't done anything to upset him. He said Dave and Jay had history. He said there were moves made and they don't have any of that.
Howard said Jimmy is a good guy. He said he's rooting for Conan to win an Emmy. He asked if he would rather have him win over him. Jimmy said he'd like to win but he knows they're not going to so it would be nice if Conan won. He said that his greatness has been overlooked over the past 5 or 6 years. He said that's because he was on a cable network. He said that he is thought of as one of the greats and it would be nice if he won. He said it is deserved. He said that he thinks that Conan was really funny and very consistent. He said he stuck to his guns and kept doing what he thought was good. He said he didn't fall into the Trump trap that the rest of them did. He said that's not so easy to do.
Howard said he did lose track of Conan. He said he also remembers Jimmy turning him on to Andy Richter. He said he was at his wedding. He said he kept running into Andy all day and he was leveled by him because his comedy was so great. He said what a funny guy he is. He said he's a super talent. He said he hopes he does something. Jimmy said he's sure he will. He said you won't find funnier guys than Conan and Andy.
Jimmy said he was texting Conan last night and asked if Andy still comes over and sits on his couch. He said Conan told him he does and he had just thrown to commercial break.
Howard said he was thinking about what Jimmy told him about Jon Stewart and how they should be closer. He said that he knows that Jimmy was trying to get him into an email chain but he doesn't like email. Jimmy said that Howard and Jon would have a lot in common. He said he thinks that they'd be able to spend a lot of time apart. He said neither of them like to go anywhere and do anything. Howard said he admires that he likes coming to his house. He said that he doesn't do anything so it's nice that he can come over and enjoy it. Jimmy said it was the highlight of his summer.
Howard said he emailed with Steve Martin and he's so brilliant. He said he thanked him with this long email and Steve just wrote back ''How dare you email me when you know I'm so busy.''
Jimmy said it's shocking when you have a friend like that. He said that the guy cares about you and it's shocking to you when you realize that.
Jimmy said that the show Steve and Martin are doing is great. He said he wrote to them and their producer who used to be his P.A. and they wrote back something very funny.
Howard said that he can't even be witty with Steve. He said that Dan Fogelman is the guy who wrote This is Us. Jimmy said he was his P.A. over there on his show. He said he didn't know he was that talented. He said he was a nice kid. He said he didn't know he had that much talent.
Howard said he had guys come through there like that. He said Eli Roth was the guy who made sure no one knocked on his door on the Private Parts set. He said he was writing his scripts outside his door. Howard said Danny Zuker is another guy who worked for them. He said that he was like a P.A. there.
Howard said Jimmy is there to promote his documentary. He said that he wants you to know that Once Upon a Time in Queens is on ESPN tomorrow night. Howard said his late night show is on ABC too. He said he feels like his show is on fire these days. Jimmy said they're doing the show with half the audience with masks on. He said it feels very weird with that. He said there's always stuff to talk about.
Howard said he doesn't have a live audience so he doesn't think about that. He said that it must be weird to have people in masks out there. Howard said the Wack Pack recoded questions for him. He asked if he has time. Jimmy said sure. He said he's just sitting there in his house.
Howard had a list of people who asked questions. He said that he's heard some of the questions. Jimmy said start with Underdog. Howard asked what he thinks she's going to ask. Jimmy said it must have something to do with not having her on the show. Howard played her question and Underdog asked if he would consider having her on like she was in 2006. Underdog said that he blew it and didn't have her on for the 50th anniversary of Underdog. Howard said Jimmy had her on back then because he wasn't able to get big guests. Jimmy said that he might have been more excited about that booking than he would imagine. He said the audience was puzzled about the whole thing.
Howard said when he had the channel 9 show he had a woman with no arms and no legs on the show. He said in the last quarter hour he ended the show with her and he thought they were going to have a spoke in the ratings. He said they were doing great for 3/4 of the hour but then she came on and everyone tuned out. He said he couldn't believe it. He said he thought it was going to be so great. Jimmy said sometimes you have to do things just for yourself.
Howard said the network wondered what the hell he was doing. Jimmy said back then one was even sitting through the whole show.
Howard said Underdog wants to go back on his show and do a 30 minute Dracula dance. He said she wants to be on around Halloween. Jimmy said they'll keep that in mind. Howard said he loves her and he would watch that any time. Jimmy said maybe she can be a guest host next summer.
Howard asked who he wants to do next. Jimmy said he'll go with Bobo. He said he has a soft spot for him. Howard played the question and Bobo asked Jimmy if he has ever had sex with Molly out in the wild. Jimmy said he has not. Of course not. Howard said sex outside is horrible. He said one of his first experiences was outdoors and it was horrible.
Howard asked Jimmy who he wants to go with next. They went with Debbie the Cum Lady who asked if he likes having things up his ass. Jimmy said that he hasn't experienced any of those things. He said no one ever wants to go there with him.
Howard asked who next. Jimmy said he'll go with anyone. Howard asked if he wants High Pitch Erik or King of All Blacks or even Mariann. Jimmy said how about Mariann. He said he feels like she doesn't really like him. He said she asked to come to his show until she found out that Howard wasn't going to be on.
Howard played Mariann's question which was about what quirk of Howard's gets on his nerves. Jimmy said he wouldn't say he gets on his nerves but the things that he thinks are fun have been whittled down to drinking hot water. Howard said they had people over and everyone is drinking and he's there with a cup of hot water. Howard said he can't imagine what Jimmy thinks of him. He said that drinking hot water is fun. He said people just don't understand.
Howard moved on to another question which was High Pitch Erik. Erik asked if it bothers him that Howard hates Johnny Carson and bashes him. Jimmy said Erik's grandfather used to jerk off to Carson. He said it doesn't bother him at all.
Howard played Wendy's question which was asking if he could send her a Visa gift card so she can shop anywhere. Howard said she has a cough and he's not sure if she's vaccinated. He said that cough worries him. Jimmy said if she gets vaccinated he'll give her a $500 gift card that she can use anywhere. He said send proof to the show and he'll send it to her. He said she has to be fully vaccinated.
Howard said Jimmy has this documentary out and it's on ESPN tomorrow night. He said in honor of that they have Gary Audiobook to talk about that. He took the call from the guys who were playing clips of Gary rambling on and on about the Mets. Howard hung up on him after a few seconds.
Howard said he saw Jimmy dozing off. He said that he had to get up early to do this today. Jimmy said he'll be going to work later. He said the kids have to get going soon. He said that he won't have time for a nap today. Howard said he figured he'd have time for a nap. He said he's done it again and impressed them. He said that some guests don't make it easy but Jimmy does. He said he's honored to be his friend. He gave him another plug for the Mets documentary. Howard said it's tonight and tomorrow night on ESPN.
Howard took a call from ''Mildred'' who was left out of the documentary. It was one of the guys doing the voice of Blue Iris and talking about the stuff she did to the team back then. Howard got a laugh out of that. He wrapped up with Jimmy and let him go.
Howard said he was with Jimmy over the summer and called Fred to see how he was doing over the summer. He said he called him from home and had a great conversation. Fred said it was beautiful and they should do it again in another 10 years. He said that the Mets will in again before that conversation happens again. Howard said Jimmy should have been in on that.
Howard let Jimmy go and Jimmy told Wendy to get vaccinated. Howard said there you go. He said he loves Jimmy and Molly. Robin asked if someone is going to inform Wendy of that offer. Howard said everyone listens to this show but they will inform her of that. Howard said that was fun but all fun things must come to an end. He said he has shut down and he's back in hiding. Howard said Jimmy is a lot of fun but he knows he's not. Robin said he can enjoy Howard though. She said he doesn't want him being anything but what he is. Howard said no one can enjoy him other than the way he is. He said that Beth said she was enjoying him the other day so he didn't go meditate. He said he figured he had to stay if someone is enjoying him. He doesn't think his parents enjoyed him. Robin said she thinks his mother did. She said maybe not his father. Howard said they should get out of there. He said he has to eat lunch. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard said he started thinking about what Jim is up to now. He said he's probably sleeping. He said he's in touch with him once in a while. He said he likes to hike. Robin said he never looked like a hiker. Howard said he didn't look like much of an outdoorsman. He said he thought he had a skin cancer scare and never left the house. He said his dermatologist checked him and told him he should wear sunscreen all the time even indoors. He said he gets the ultraviolet rays on him even inside. He said that he barely leaves the house. He said he wears a giant sunhat. He said it's like what guys doing landscaping wear. He said that it looks like something Lawrence of Arabia would wear. He said he has the flap on the back so his neck doesn't get burned.
Howard said he went to the beach with his mom and no one put on sunscreen back then. He said no one gave a shit about him. Robin said they didn't understand that stuff back then. She said they turned red and blistered. Howard said he knows that sunscreen was invented back then. He said he's not letting his mother off the hook.
Howard said he told his mother that he read that he'd be 15 points higher in IQ points if she had breast fed him. He said he tells her that and she tells him that doctors didn't know better and they were told to give him formula which was more filling. He said his mother said they just didn't know. Howard said someone knew and didn't use formula. He said shame on you for that. He said he was born in 1954 and not in the middle ages. Robin said she did listen to the doctor.
Howard said he sits and imagines what he would be like if he had a 15 point higher IQ. He said you take someone like Bobo who got an 88 on his IQ test. Robin said Sal was down there too. Sal said he was at 102. Howard said what shame on his family. Sal said he's smarter than his family. Howard said he has gone the furthest.
Howard said add 15 and Sal is above average. He said it's the difference between a fucking moron and above average. He said that's what 15 points could do for you. He said Sal believes that he levitates above his bed and that when he finds a dime someone is communicating with him from the dead. He said you look at that IQ and you think that at least there's no slobber coming from his mouth. He said 102 is a guy who runs out of work and stops at a hot dog place to get napkins so he can jerk off at a booth in a strip club. Howard said 15 more points and he might have gone to Berkeley or UCLA.
Howard said here's Sal talking about meditation. He said this is so arrogant. He said he does meditation himself and he does Transcendental Meditation. He said he picked that form of meditation because the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi found his master in a cave and he had to seek him out to learn to meditate. He said that he found this guy who taught him how to do this and figured out a way for modern western civilization to do meditation two times a day. He said he came back to this country and taught people how to do it and it took off. He said Sal has come up with his own type of meditation. He said he thinks he knows as much as anyone else about how to do it.
Howard played a clip of Sal talking to one of the staffers about what he does to meditate. He said he has red jasper that he rubs on himself and it gets hot and that goes into his body and all of this stuff. He has a breathing thing he does too. He had a long explanation for what he does to meditate. He said you connect with your heavenly father and other souls when you do this.
Howard said Sal is so annoying. He said he should take that red jasper and shove it up his ass. He asked who the souls are that he congregates with. He said he created a whole back story there. Sal said that the souls tell him not to listen to Howard and Robin. Howard asked what's with his tan. Sal said when he meditates he does it outdoors. Howard said he should put some sunscreen on. Sal said he did have melanoma. Howard said of course he did. He said he's a moron.
Howard said when he meditates he thinks his aura protects him. He said he looks like a red jasper now. He said he's literally darker than Robin. Sal said he loves it. Howard said it's crazy. Howard asked why all of these white men want to be black. Robin said they don't want it when they're looking for a job.
Howard said Sal is the color of mahogany. Sal laughed and said Mahogany Governale. Howard said he laughs at him. Sal said everyone laughs at him.
Sal said his dad wanted to look black and he'd soak himself in olive oil to get darker in the sun. Howard said they never look better with a tan. He said Sal looks odd. He said that you think that you look good but you never look good with a tan.
Howard said he knew a guy who liked to tan and he was as dark as Tan Mom. He said people walked around talking about what a goof ball this guy was. Robin said he thought he looked great.
Howard said Sal is like Sal Jolson. He said he looks like he needs a bath. Sal said blame the sun. He said sue the sun, not me. Robin said they have to get a restraining order from the sun. Sal told her to stop. Howard said he's like the color of a UPS truck. He said he's that exact color. Howard let Sal go after that.
Howard said his mother should have breast fed him. He said she got it all wrong. He did his impression of his mother talking about her childhood and how she had nothing. He had her telling the stories as he was trying to get to sleep. He had Ray talking about her lack of clothing and toys and how awful her childhood was. Howard said he doesn't think he'll be a sad adult after all of that.
Howard said he's not sure what he's even talking about. He said he wanted to ask Robin something. He said his parents would say something about having a ''bugaboo'' about something. He said he has used that term himself but he's reading the NY Times at 3 in the morning because he was wide awake. He said he was reading about how this person said they have a ''bug bear'' about something. He said that his mother would say ''bugaboo.'' He said he's reading this thing in the paper and he sees that it's ''bug bear'' and not ''bugaboo.'' He said his parents must have been wrong about it.
Gary said that ''Bugaboo'' is a real term and it was based on a thing called a Bug Bear in Scotland. He said that Bugaboo became more commonly used. Howard asked why that is. He said it sounds like people didn't get that it was Bug Bear. Robin said maybe they misunderstood and that's what it became.
Howard said his wife had never heard the term. He said Robin doesn't know the right one either. Robin said she had heard bugaboo.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he tried Sal's meditation and fainted after the second breath. He said it does relax you pretty good. Howard asked if he had his red jasper. The caller said he did. He said that took all of the energy out of him. Howard said it sounds like Sal is hyper ventilating. He said everything about Sal is moronic. He said it even sounds dangerous.
Howard said even the explanation he has is moronic. He said he's breathing in negativity and then breathing it out. He said how about breathing in purifying air and then releasing it. He said the whole thing is off.
Sal asked if he can explain. He said when he breathes in you envision the anxiety. Howard said listen to him. He said if you call yourself a meditation teacher, which you're not, then you breathe out the negativity. Sal said when you breathe in you contain all of the negativity. He said you hold it all in and then when you breathe it out then you envision it leaving you like a cloud. Robin said that's why you have to get all the breath out. Howard said that's not stressful at all.
Howard said Sal confuses himself. The caller asked if he ever talked to the squirrels about what they think about it. Sal said he did have a morning dove stop and look at him. He said he pulled in with his car and the dove refused to leave. He said he thinks that they get paralyzed so you know that they're looking at you. Howard asked if he ever gets angry that his mother didn't breast feed him. He said he could be as low as a 100 IQ. He said he could have been having a good day when he got the 102. Sal said that 102 is normal. Howard said he could have been 117. Sal said like Richard Christy. Howard said just like that. He said he's making a good point there.
Howard said Sal saw a yellow butterfly. He told him to explain that. Sal said when you see a yellow butterfly it means someone is seeing you from the other said. Robin said that he's saying this like it's real but he's not questioning it. Sal said it is real. He said that's the difference between them. Robin asked where it comes from. Sal said from the internet. Howard said it's like a hello from heaven from a loved one. Robin said they should tell him more than just hello.
Howard said Sal has another dime story. Sal said he gets them all the time. Howard said it's weird because they saw a dime on the ground on a walk and he was going to tweet it out. He said Sal thinks it's a message. He said the thing is that the dime is the smallest change in your pocket and it falls out because of that. He said Sal is going to get a message from him. Sal said he has so many dimes and he keeps them in a jar. He said he kisses them and puts them up to the sky and thanks his spirit guides for getting them to him.
Sal went to get his dime jar. Howard said he will play a song while he's doing that. He played a song about how dopey Sal is.
Howard said Sal thinks that trees communicate with you when the wind is blowing. He asked what the trees are saying. Sal said if you sit and meditate you have to be in tune with it and the tree will move. He said that's your energy. He said we're all synchronized as one. He said trees assist us in so many ways and we have to be grateful for them. Howard asked what he learned from the trees. Sal said nothing specific. He said maybe if a friend of his isn't doing well he'll ask the trees for help. He said he has a friend who is on a ventilator and it's not looking good so he asked the tree for help. Howard said he's imagining the tree falling on Sal. Sal said he had 3 trees fall during the last storm. He said they did some damage in his back yard.
Howard asked why no trees tell him to read a book to learn something. Sal said that's a good question. Howard asked if everything is a message. He asked what's not a message. He asked what's just a thing that happens that he doesn't see a sign in. Sal said sure he sees things.
Howard asked if this friend of his in the hospital was vaccinated. Sal said he was not. He said he wasn't anti-vax though.
Howard asked if a lady bug lands on him what is that. Sal said that one did. He said that was a sign. He said that's a sign and a beautiful sign. He said it's saying that you're doing the right thing. He said you have to be a better person and that's what he's learning from all of this. Howard asked what happens if a mosquito lands on him and bites him. Sal said that's not a sign. He said a bee sting isn't a sign either. Robin said maybe they're trying to get him to do something different.
Howard asked to see the dime jar. Sal showed him. Howard said that's all dimes he found in the street. He said that's a lot of dimes. He said each dime is a different soul. Sal said it just means you're on the right path. He said that people are with you and your loved ones hear you. He said that he prays to a lot of people and his dog. He said he gets the dimes when he has very strong prayer.
Howard asked about Sal kissing the dime and if he thinks that he's the reason we have COVID. He said those dimes are fucking filthy. He said he thinks it's funny that Sal thinks he's on the right path.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has been suffering from depression and he tried Sal's meditation and now he's feeling good and he's been jerking off.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it sounds like Sal is a ghost buster and he's got all of this ghosts caught in that jar with the dimes.
Howard said Sal went to a birthday party and huffed about 20 birthday balloons. He said that's the path Sal is on. He said they say that wipes out brain cells. He said he's probably down to a 98 IQ now. He said Sal can't afford to be sucking in Nitrous. Sal said that high is incredible. He said he should do those balloons every day. Howard said Einstein could huff those things and still be okay but Sal should calm down with that.
Howard took a call from fake Sal's wife who asked him why the trees never tell him to do the dishes. She said he's a fucking idiot. Howard said she's a saint for staying with Sal. She said she must hate herself. Howard said he's sure she had a lot of options in her day. He asked what made her marry Sal. Sal's wife said that he's a good looking guy and he's charming. She said he has that Elvis kind of vibe and she was smitten. She said they were young. She said he's a moron but he's a good guy.
Howard said he heard that her family shamed her into marrying him. She said she was young and stupid. She said she should have listened to the trees when they told her to get away from him. Howard said he heard that her father threw Sal out of the house and said she shouldn't marry him. Sal's wife said that they wanted her to marry a 120 and she brought home Sal. She said her dad said ''this is the guy?'' She said she wasn't thinking. She said her dad asked if it was really the guy from the pizzeria.
Howard asked when she last blew Sal. Sal's wife said that she can't remember. She said it was maybe in the 80s or 90s. She said it's Richard's job to blow him now.
Howard said Sal was talking about sitting at home and seeing the birds at the window. He said they asked a biologist about that and they said that they see their reflection in the glass and they're looking at themselves. He said Sal thinks they're looking at him. Sal's wife said they have a ton of cardinals there and they're shitting all over the place. She said she has to wash the car from the bird shit. Howard said Sal thinks that's a sign too and won't clean it off.
Howard said he knows Sal has to meditate so he'll let him go. He told him to go rub his red jasper.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's on Team Sal with this. He said he was on a road trip last year and he asked his dad to send him a sign with a 50 cent piece and he got a 50 cent piece from the cashier when he got a snack. He said it was from 1979 when his mother died. He said he's kind of freaked out by that. Howard said he can't be falling for that stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he used to walk to the grocery store and this woman would walk this path to the store every day and they would seed the path with pennies so she'd find them on her way. He said she was so happy thinking that all of her family were leaving signs. Howard said they do that with Sal. Howard said they should do that for him. He said his fear in all of this is that he's influencing other people. Robin said that people are all drinking in this silliness. Howard said he thinks that Russian agents are trying to take us down and they're using people like Sal with this stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has been finding a lot of dimes the past 5 years. He said that he doesn't believe that God sent these signs but he does think about his dad when he finds this stuff. Howard said this is why we're not defeating COVID. He said we're done. He said the country is over. He said he just wants to live a few more years and get out of here. He said there are too many damaged people out there. He said it all comes full circle.
Robin said she has a friend who didn't like her mother when she was alive but now she leaves pennies everywhere for her. She said she thinks every time she sees a penny it's her mom. Howard said how about leaving some bucks so you have some real money.
Howard said he has to take a break and then talk about their buddy Norm Macdonald who passed away. He said Norm did their show a bunch of times. He said he's sure that if you find a dime today that it's Norm. He said every time he sees a dime it reminds him that Sal is a moron. Fred played some sad music and played Sal saying dopey things.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Sal is one of the ultimate narcissists. He said that he thinks out of billions of people he's the one person the spirits are communicating with. He asked what he's thinking. Howard said lets leave it at that and stop beating up on Sal. He said you're overwhelming the guy. Howard went into a live commercial read for Trojan condoms and told stories about how he grew up thinking they were called scum bags and how he used one for the first time and isn't even sure if he finished. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and sang along with the Train song. He said Pat told him that song is about his mother's death. He said she died and he had a dream about her being back in the atmosphere. He said he wrote that song in about 15 minutes. He said the drops of Jupiter are about her being able to do anything now and she went to Jupiter and came back and had drops in her hair.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he and his wife have a threesome scheduled so he was looking for advice. He said he's never done that before. Howard said he came to the right place. The caller, Mark, said that they met the other woman and they're super excited about it. He said that she's done it but he and his wife have not. He said they just want to know what to expect. He said that this is taking it to a crazy level and they're looking forward to it.
Howard said this threesome thing comes up on the show from time to time. He said he isn't as confident as this guy is. He said he's afraid that his wife whole leave him if she was with a woman. He said that he has trouble with that whole thing. Mark said his wife likes dick too much. He said that they have kids and they're not going to drop what they have.
Howard asked if Mark is going to be allowed to fuck the other woman. Mark said oh yeah. He said that they would talk and she'd ask him if he wanted to fuck other girls. He said it was just a fantasy thing but then she started saying that she wanted to see him fucking other girls. He said she found this app where they can connect with people. He said this one turned out to be a real thing and she's a cool chick.
Howard asked if they have met her. Mark said they did meet in person for some drinks. He said that she's a physical trainer and she's very fit. He said that he and his wife are very fit too. He said they're in their 40s but they take care of themselves.
Howard asked who is hotter, the wife or the other chick. Mark said his wife but the other chick is super hot. He said that she says she's into dick so she's not into women more than men.
Howard said he would cum very quickly if he was in this. He said that what he would do is beat off before doing it. He said he would beat off at least 3 times that day. He said he'd start in the morning and get it out of him. He said he'd probably still blow his load too quick.
Howard asked why there's such a build up to this thing. Mark said they met the woman and they had a hotel room. He said that she had her period that night so they had to wait. He said his wife had her's the next week so they had to wait again. He said that's all out of the way now and they have plans for next Friday.
Howard said he thinks he'd get to it right away. He said he wouldn't wait for the big build up. He said he's listening to this story and Rome was built faster than what they're putting together. He said that by the time they get to it they're going to be 65 years old. He said he's never heard of such planning. He said just get to it.
Mark said the build up has been crazy. He said he and his wife talk about what they'd be doing and it's been great. Howard asked what the plan is. Mark said they have a hotel for next Friday and they'll have drinks and go to the room after. Howard said they should get drinks and just go to the room. Robin said just have the drinks in the room. Howard said she's right. He said fuck the bar and just go to the room. He said he might need wedding plans for this the way it's going.
Howard took a call from a woman, Tina, who said that she has some advice. She said that she has a lot of experience with threesome's and you don't really plan it. She said you set some rules and boundaries with the wife but you let the women take control. She said the man should step back and let the women control it. She said her husband will let her and the other woman do their thing. She said the more you plan it out the weirder it gets.
Howard asked how many threesomes she's had. Tina said it's in the double digits. She said that they have women and men in their threesomes. Howard asked Mark if he would want that. Mark said no way and she has no desire for that. He said he'd go crazy if they did that. Mark said that they have talked about letting the women do their thing.
Howard said he couldn't bear to have his wife with another person. He said he thinks that if he saw his wife writhing in ecstasy he'd be so upset. He said he can't get past that. He said it's a slippery slope.
Tina said she has tried to call in before. She said that her boyfriend will bring in a man once in a while because it's the after effect that you get from it. He said you let the guy play with your wife and it's the claiming of the woman after that works. Howard said that would destroy him. Tina said that it's the after effect you have and that's what's so great about it. She said that can work for weeks after.
Mark said they have talked about the rules and the other woman says that the guy can't finish in her. Howard said this sounds horrible to him.
Howard asked Tina if she wants to lick another woman while the guy's cum is dripping out of her. Tina said that's a little too deep for her. She said that they have rules about no kissing. She said condom is always on. She said that she'd say that his wife should realize that he's going to finish with her and no the other woman. Mark said they talked about that too.
Howard said he doesn't have that kind of control. He said he'd finish in whoever he's in. Howard asked Tina how hot she is. She said she gets hit on everywhere she goes. She said she is attractive. Howard asked who she looks like. Tina said she has gotten Kirstie Alley when she was young. She said people do tell her that she's hot. She said she's not extremely skinny but she has nice boobs and a nice butt. She said she's not as hot as Beth. Howard asked if she has a double chin. Tina said not at all.
Howard asked if Tina is wild in bed. Tina said she knows how to have a good time. Howard said Mark keeps saying their sex lives are great but what does that mean. Mark said that he's satisfied. He said if they could they'd do it every day. He said life gets in the way though. He said the other night they were going at it for an hour. He said they have to get the kids ready in the morning though so they can't stay up all night.
Howard asked if Tina has ever eaten a man's ass before. She said she has but that was years ago. She said that she leaves the asshole to her boyfriend. Howard asked if she accepts anal sex. Tina said she does for her boyfriend. She said she optimizes the threesome so he can get that from the other woman.
Howard said Charlie Sheen has had threesomes and he has some advice. Howard had fake Charlie on the phone to talk about that. Fake Charlie had some suggestions for what to do and how you can go to sixsomes and more. Robin said you're talking to a pro there.
Howard asked Mark who his wife looks like. Mark said his wife is super hot and does yoga every day. He said she's super hot. He said she looks like Vera Farmiga. Howard said he's not sure who that is. He said she's hotter than her though. He said his wife is hot for sure.
Howard asked if they should go to Ronnie for some advice. Ronnie got on and said that he has too much planning going on. He said you just meet the girl and hang out and have some drinks and that's it. He said he did it one time about 5 or 6 years ago. He said they met this girl and they hit it off. He said the girl ended up staying at the house for the weekend. He said he was able to do anything to the girl but fuck her. He said the only girl that he was able to fuck was Stephanie. He said that he wasn't allowed to go down on the girl or anything like that. Mark asked what he did then. Ronnie said that he was allowed to finger her.
Ronnie said you make sure you finish with your girl. He said that's the bottom line. Howard said that Ronnie ended up doing the laundry. Ronnie said that the girl did end up doing her laundry at his house.
Howard asked what he thinks about his idea of jerking off 2 or 3 times that day. Ronnie said he should but there's too much planning going on. He said it's more fun to not know. He said he didn't know what was going to happen with this girl. He said they never left he house that weekend he had that girl over.
Howard asked if they were nude the whole time. Ronnie said it was a lot of bra and panties. He said it was the best weekend of his life actually. Robin said everything was heightened. Ronnie said they were at the kitchen table drinking and playing Monopoly. He said they were in their bra and panties. He said he blew a load at least once or twice a day that weekend.
Howard asked why it just ends. Ronnie said that was just it. He said they never discussed doing it again. He said they saw her after but it never happened again.
Ronnie said this girl moved away after. He said she moved to South Carolina. He said they stayed friends though. Howard asked if she jerked him off. Ronnie said she did. He said no penetration though. He said she was allowed to blow him. Howard said Ronnie did a lot of stuff. Mark said the scheduling thing is driving them crazy. He said he's walking around hard 24/7 thinking about it. Ronnie said that's the problem. He said that will get him in trouble. He said he might be disappointed when it happens.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who says that a threesome ruined his marriage and his job. Howard took the call and the caller, Bob, said that he worked with this person and they ended up having a threesome with this woman and it was so great and so amazing that they continued the relationship. He said he kept it going with the other person and it went too far. He said people caught on to it and he ended up losing his job because they weren't allowed to have relationships there. He said that his wife didn't lose her job but he did and his wife was able to stay there. He said he and his wife stayed together but things were bad for a while. He said he made the mistake of finishing in the other girl. He said that it's never what it's cracked up to be. He said you're just left there as a third party.
Howard said he's with Bob and he thinks that they're going to have problems. He said that the girls will do their thing and the guy is left out. Bob said he used desensitizer spray on his to make sure he didn't finish too soon. Ronnie said you're better off with the blue pill. Howard asked if Ronnie used that. Ronnie said no because it wasn't planned. He said it just happened. He said this girl was very hot too. He said she was really tall too. He said she was 5'11'' and over 6 feet when she had heels on. Howard said she could have beaten him up. Ronnie said that's fine with him.
Howard asked if he did the penis thing on her asshole like he does with Stephanie. Ronnie said he didn't do that. He said it was more like her and the other girl were doing their thing. He said he'd get his girl from behind. Howard ask if he had his dick in her ass. Ronnie said he was doing her doggy style. He said his girl was eating out the other girl. Ronnie said the night Mark met that girl was the night he should have been there in the room. Mark said she was on her period though. Ronnie asked who cares. He asked how long ago this was. Mark said they met her like 2 Friday's ago. He said they've been messaging since the middle of august. Howard said now it's September.
Howard asked Ronnie if he would let a girl's period blood affect him. Ronnie said not at all. Robin said that this guy Mark can only be disappointed by reality at this point.
Howard said we put in 10 times less thought into the withdrawal from Afghanistan than Mark has put into this thing. Ronnie said it should have happened that night. Howard said lets say the girl is covered in raw sewage, you still make it happen. Ronnie said you don't worry about it. Howard asked if Tina agrees. Tina said Mark should have done it that first night. She said they don't come that often so you grab that opportunity no mater what. Howard said that Ronnie would do it and come up with clown lips. Tina said her boyfriend doesn't care.
Ronnie said the first time it happened he was like 18 years old. He said they got two hotel rooms and the one girl smelled so bad but it didn't stop them. He said they didn't give a shit. He said he could smell that girl on him for the next week. He said she was very hairy too. Howard said that traps the smell down there.
Howard said that didn't slow Ronnie down. Ronnie said not at all. He said he and his friend were running back and forth between the rooms. He said they'd go back and forth switching off.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Ronnie is wrong. He said that he has no idea what he's talking about. He said people who have threesomes don't do it the way Ronnie did it. He said all he did was finger the girl. Howard said he did say that he did get a blow job and a hand job.
Mark asked if he made the other girl cum. Ronnie said he did. Howard thanked Mark and Tina for calling in. Mark said that they're going to be doing it next Friday, not this Friday. Howard asked why it's next Friday. Howard asked why not this week. Mark said that they have to coordinate it all. Ronnie asked what it means that he has the kids this Friday. Mark said they have custody 50/50 so next week they won't have the kids. Howard said he has a really complicated life. Robin said she's tired of waiting at this point. Ronnie said the girl may not even show up at this point.
Howard asked if the girl slept in the same bed with Ronnie. Ronnie said she did. He said his dog had to be locked in the basement because he wanted to stay in the bed.
Howard said Mark should get a calendar with this girl and plan it out. Howard let Mark go after that. He said he hopes that helped. He let Tina go too. Howard said that was Mark who was really planning this thing out.
Howard said Norm used to do this Bob Dole impression on Saturday Night Live and he asked him to do that on his show. He said it was just so funny. He said Norm said it was a big pain in the ass to do it but he would do it for the show. He said Norm would come in as Bob Dole and it was always funny. He said he would come in and tell great stories. He said he was a legend.
Howard said he went to a show that Norm did once. He said he thinks it was Dave Chappelle and Norm but he's not sure if that's right. He said it was many years ago and Norm was so funny on stage. He said he had never seen Norm outside of the studio but this was him on stage and being professional. He said it was weird. He said this club was so small. He said it was almost like there was no back stage. He said stand up can be so weird. He said he thinks that Norm was working on new material. He said that was the only time he really got to hang out with him.
Howard said he didn't know much about Norm off the air. He said he asked David what happened and he told him that Norm had cancer but he didn't share that with people. He said you don't want your whole life being people asking how you're doing. He said you want to forget you have it. He said he wishes he had known because he would have liked to have said goodbye.
Howard said his wife asked if he had anyone in his life at the end. He said he knew he had a son but he didn't know if he had a woman in his life. He said he thinks David wasn't in any condition to talk. He said that he was really upset. He said David was very upset about it. He didn't get to talk to him much. He said he mentioned someone named Laurie. He said he's not sure what that situation was.
Howard said Norm died at the age of 61 and had been battling cancer for 9 years. He said he was thinking about Norm's face being puffy and he thought he didn't look well but he didn't know if he was sick or not. He said Norm was on Saturday Night Live for 5 season. He said that he hosted Weekend Update for 3 years. He said he was so great at it. Howard played a clip of Norm doing his thing on Saturday Night Live.
Howard said that Norm told him his dream was to be on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson before he retired. Howard had a clip from the show where Norm was talking to him about that. He was told he was a ''Jay comic'' and not a ''Johnny comic.'' Norm said he never got to be on the show but he met Johnny in person. He said Jay told him his set was just okay.
Howard said Norm got his gig on Saturday Night Live in 1993 and he did a lot of impressions. He said he got to be friends with Bob Dole and Bob tweeted yesterday that he enjoyed laughing with him and Bob Dole will miss him.
Howard said that he loved Norm doing his Burt Reynolds impression on Saturday Night Live. He said Burt had this tick that he did where he'd clear his throat when he gave a punchline. He said that Norm would do that when they did the Jeopardy bit. He said he had that little nuance that was so great. He played some audio of Norm doing his Burt Reynolds impression. Howard said he was so good.
Howard said Chevy Chase tweeted about Norm and said he's the best of all next to himself. Howard said he asked Seth Meyers about Norm and he said he was the best Weekend Update host ever. Howard said he has to agree. He said he was so great as that guy. Robin said that Norm was able to have patience and that's what Lorne loved about him.
Howard said Norm was fired from Saturday Night Live by Don Ohlmeyer because Norm was mocking OJ Simpson so much on Weekend Update. Howard said he's not sure what really went down there. He played some audio of Norm joking about OJ on Weekend Update.
Howard said Norm did the movie Dirty Work and started his Norm TV show. He said then Saturday Night Live asked him to host the show a year after he was fired. He said he got to host the show and he has the monologue. Howard played the audio of Norm talking about how they fired him because he wasn't funny but now he's been asked to host the show. He said he went from being not funny enough to not even be allowed in the building but now he's so funny that he was asked to host the show. He asked how he got so god damn funny. He said a year and a half isn't enough time to get funny. He said it must be that the show has gotten really bad. He said he's funny compared to what you'll see later. He said the bad news is that he's still not funny but the good news is the show blows.
Howard said David Letterman tweeted about Norm and how great he was. Howard said he thinks that Norm was the last comedian to appear on the Letterman show. He said it was very emotional. Robin said he did read that he was all broken up about it.
Howard said Norm did a David Letterman impression on Saturday Night Live. He said it was weird for him because he loved Dave so much. Howard said he has some audio of Norm doing his Letterman impression on Saturday Night Live. He said you really have to see it. He said Google it to see it. He said it's so bizarre.
Howard said Norm came on the show and he asked about what happened when he did Letterman. He said he told a great story about doing the impression. Howard played the audio of Norm talking about that. Norm said he didn't want to make fun of Letterman so he did an impression but tried not to make fun of him. He said Letterman called him the next day and Dave didn't bring it up. He said that Dave told him he didn't mind it and it was okay. He said that he told him he didn't care for Joe Piscopo's impression of him and didn't think he was funny.
Howard said Dana Carvey loved Norm's impressions. He said Dana did an impression of Norm on the show. He played that clip where Dana was doing his Norm voice. Dana also talked about how funny Norm was doing his characters on Saturday Night Live.
Howard said Adam Sandler tweeted about how much they all loved Norm. He said Sarah Silverman tweeted about Norm too. He read those tweets. Howard said it's fun to Google Norm and see some of his old bits.
Howard said Norm is the guy who brought Artie to the show too. Robin said she remembers that. Howard said Norm thought that he'd be a good fit for the show and he really was. He said that Norm had so many crazy stories. He said he told a story about Dennis Rodman head butting him. He played that clip from the show where Norm talked about how they were supposed to do a fake head butt but Dennis did it for real and knocked him out for like 10 seconds. He had to go to the hospital over that.
Howard said Conan O'Brien tweeted about Norm and how great he thought he was. He said he'll never laugh that hard again. Howard said he has watched this clip of Norm on Conan's show with Courtney Thorne Smith and she had promoted a movie that she did with Carrot Top and Norm went berserk. Howard played a clip of Norm telling them that the name of the movie would be ''Box office poison'' if Carrot Top was in it. Then they revealed the name of it is Chairman of the Board and Norm said that it must be spelled ''B O R E D.''
Howard asked how quick he is. Robin said that Conan said he was so unpredictable that you never knew what he was going to do. Howard said he's pretty quick. He said you're under pressure when you're on TV and he didn't hold back. Howard said one of the best TV appearances he's ever seen was that one.
Howard said he loves that stuff and Norm was one of the best. He said there's no question. He said we really lost a legend yesterday. He said that he thinks he didn't get enough credit. He said that they didn't know what to do with Norm on TV. Robin said he had a couple of chances at his own TV shows but they were always canceled but he was always funny.
Howard read more tweets from people like Jim Carrey and Seth Rogen. They were talking about how great Norm was. Robin said Norm told a really long joke on the show and it went on and on. Howard said it was 8 minutes long. He said they're going to play that on Sternthology today. He said that it's just ridiculous. He said they will play it later in the day.
Howard said that he'll end it on this. He said Norm talked to them about his feelings on death. He said that he always asks about that because he's so freaked out by death. Howard said this is from 2016 when Norm was on. He said he had already been fighting cancer at this point. He said he didn't know it at the time. Howard played the clip and Norm talked about people dying and how it shocks you because you know that it's going to be you some day. Howard asked Norm if he thinks about death a lot. Norm said you do things in life to avoid that thought. He said you don't want to talk about that.
Howard said rest in peace Norm. He said he was shocked by the news. He said what a shitty way to go. Robin said you didn't know it was time to say goodbye.
Howard said the Iron Sheik wrote about Norm. He read his tweet and said that sounds like something he'd say in that broken English.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he remembers the bit that Norm did where he would say ''Note to self...'' and speak into something. He said he does that bit himself when he has to remember something. He said that was a great bit. He said he loved Dirty Work with Artie too. He said that he wanted to thank Howard for taking his call and he'll remember Norm.
Howard said they have a Norm collection on the SiriusXM app too. Howard said Frank Stallone tweeted about Norm. He read that tweet and Frank said he had fun with Norm making fun of him on Weekend Update.
Howard said the only other thing he wanted to talk about is that Norm may have been Elle McPherson's boyfriend for a while. He said that Norm didn't want to talk about it when he was asked. He said what an accomplishment if that's the case. Howard said Rob Burnett tweeted about Norm. He read that tweet where he said he looked forward to Norm when he was a guest on Dave's show.
Howard said there you go. He said rest in peace Norm Macdonald. Robin asked if he knew that he opened for Sam Kinison. Howard said he didn't know that. Robin said she saw that in an obituary. Howard said what a killer show that must have been.
Howard said Donnie saw something in the song ''Bang O'clock'' and covered it. He said he played all of the instruments on it. He said that he made the song good and put in a new chorus. Howard played the song and it was a little more rock than Howard's version.
Howard said see, he's a great song writer. He said he'll probably get a Grammy for that. Robin asked when it's going to be released. Howard said that gave him the chills. He said Donnie thinks he's a great song writer. He said Donnie thought it was a catchy song. Howard asked if Robin can see Miley and Metallica covering it. Robin said she can see that. Howard said go to DonnieVie.com to hear more.
Howard said he can't wait to hear Elton John complimenting his song writing. Robin said send it to him and see what he thinks.
Tan Mom said that he failed two tests about being with porn people. She asked what he thinks she felt. Howard said he has no idea what she's talking about. Robin asked what that means. Tan Mom said that there was a test and she wasn't with him sexually for a long time. Howard asked who is going to drive her now. Tan Mom said that shell just have to drive now. She said she's not thrilled about that. Howard said rest in peace to her husband. He said they're very sorry to hear about him passing.
Howard asked when they last had sex. Tan Mom said it was forever ago. She said she does miss him. Howard said that was a beautiful tribute. He said he feels it's too soon to get into the whole story about Tan Mom and Driver. Robin said today isn't the day.
Robin said she's saddest about people who don't recognize who someone is to them while they're alive. She said they don't express to that person what they mean to them an don't discover it until after they're gone. Howard said he's still not sure about the test that he failed twice. He said he's picturing his own funeral and people talking about the tests that he failed in life. He said he may have to have Tan Mom deliver a eulogy.
Howard played the call where disabled guy calls into the show and he tells them that he's cheating on his wife and he's not sure if he should tell her about it. Then the wife gets on and she's disabled too and speaks with a computer. She was going off on disabled guy and said she should have left him. They were going back and forth until the boyfriend of the wife gets on and starts in with the two of them. The radio hosts let that go on for a few minutes. They were asking them not to fight. The three computer voices were arguing and then the boyfriend emptied his colostomy bag on disabled guy. Then they were fighting with their wheelchairs. The host said that he has to let them go. The three of them kept going until they finally hung up. The host of the show said that was some debacle there. One of the hosts said that's just an example of another broken family in America.
Howard said that was an epic. He said that was some show they called into. He said it was awesome.
Howard read some fan feedback about Jimmy Kimmel being on the show yesterday. He had a bunch of positive feedback about that. He said Jimmy said he would give Wendy the Slow Adult $500 if she got vaccinated. He said that they did a follow up and Wolfie asked Wendy if she would do that. Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said that she does love money. She said that they're doing anything to get people to take it. She said she thinks that she'd jump at the chance. Howard played the clip of Wolfie talking to Wendy about it. Wendy said she doesn't know about that because there will be complications. She said her fans don't want her to get it. Wolfie said she's going to listen to her fans then. Wendy said she's sick and she can't get out anywhere until she's better. She said her mom won't take it because you don't know what will happen with it. Wolfie asked if she will get it or not. Wendy said she doesn't know yet. She was coughing the whole time she was talking to Wolfie.
Howard said Wendy also said she can't get the vaccine because she has a reaction to things going up her nose. Robin said it doesn't go up your nose. Howard said she doesn't get that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loved the phony phone call. Howard said it was an epic. He said they're thinking of turning that into a movie. He said he got a call from (David) Bryan from Bon Jovi who wants to turn it into a Broadway musical too.
Howard took a call from a woman, Michelle, who said that she wanted to comment on Jimmy's appearance yesterday. She said she loves it when he's on. She said that she lives in Parkland, Florida and Jimmy appeared at her graduation last year. She said they were freshmen during the shooting and lost a lot of friends. She said that they have been very supportive over the past few years for the school. Howard asked if she knew the shooter. The caller said she did not. She said she knew the children who died. She said that there were 19 others who were shot. Howard said he can't imagine sending your kids to school now. He said he'd be worried too much the whole day. He said he has gone by schools when they get out and they have police around them now. He said it's such a crazy thing.
Howard said the fans got a kick out of Craig Gass' impression of Tom Arnold yesterday. He read some of the positive words people had for that.
Howard said the fans were liking his interpretation of the Princess Diana musical. He read some feedback about that and people want that to be a real thing. He said that it's meant to be. He said that was fun. He said they can end the show if they want to. He said he has so much but they can save it for next week. Robin said there's always next week.
Howard said he does have a lot going on but he's going to be smart about it and wait. He said he'll tickle all of your asses with a feather and save it. He said he has important things to do today. He said he has to nap. He said yesterday he had a very long nap and Beth called the mortician thinking he had passed.
Howard said that Parkland shooting was a horrible one. He said he can't remember the whole story there. Robin said that someone got into the school and the security guard wasn't able to stop him so they had it wait for the police. Howard said lets end the show on that note.
Howard asked Robin what she'll be watching on TV. Robin said she wants to see Steve Martin's show but the new episode isn't up yet. Howard said he likes it when they put all episodes out at once.
Howard said he found the show Manifest on Netflix. He said it's about a plane that disappears for 5 yeas but the people come back like nothing happened. He said he saw it has 3 seasons so he figured he could get into it. He said he's already up to season 2 and he knows the show is going nowhere. He said they're yanking his chain. Robin said it's going nowhere. Howard said Beth came in and saw a make out scene and she wondered why he's watching it without her. Howard said he can't stop watching the show. Robin said she tried watching it but she saw it was going nowhere so she stopped. Howard said he just knows there's no ending there. He said it's all bullshit. He said it has to be the same people who brought them ''Lost.''
Howard said one guy died and came back and it just made no sense. He said that he should write an ending for the show. Gary said there's a fourth season coming. He said Netflix said they will have another season. Howard said his whole life is tied up with that show. Robin said she had no idea there were three seasons. She said she was watching it on TV. Howard said he has to go lay down and watch Manifest. He said he tried watching the MTV awards but it's so depressing that he couldn't do it.
Howard said Foo Fighters were good and so was Ed Sheeran. He said that Shawn Mendez had an odd outfit on. He said he was wearing something his mom would wear.
Howard said it's weird that MTV has nothing to do with music anymore and they have these music awards. He said they only had 900,000 live viewers. He said they might get a hit from the publicity it creates.
Howard said next week they're going to have Coldplay in on Wednesday. He said Gary will have his Karens stuff and he'll get to a lot more. He said he has things he won't even mention yet. He said they're going to play the Back to School Staff Stories game. Howard said Gavin Newsom is still governor out in California. He said Caitlyn Jenner got 55,000 votes in that recall election. Robin wondered what it is that people saw in her to vote for her. Howard went into a live commercial read and ended the show around 10:10am.