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Robin said Ronnie used to do a special day where he would do that. Howard said it was hot chick of the week but this was different. Robin said it must be so different.
Howard asked Ronnie who she is and why she was the highlight of the week. Ronnie said a dude named Shadow or something had posted it. He said he thinks he lives in Florida and he's always on a beach or yacht with girls. He said he'll go through a week of pictures of girls and he'll make it the highlight of the week. He said he's not promoting the girl. He said he's not sure if she even has a Twitter account.
Howard asked why he doesn't say he got it from Shadow's account. Ronnie said there are guys who do that every morning and he'll just send it out. There was a weird sound coming through the microphone so the guys had to take care of it. Howard said he almost had a heart attack from that. He said he thought it was a warning that nuclear war was coming.
Howard said if someone is following you on Twitter then he's saving them time from looking for these girls. Ronnie said he just puts up what he likes. He said that girl's ass wasn't that big. He said it was good looking. Howard said it was big.
Howard said Ronnie has become like Hugh Hefner by going out and finding the girls to post. He said he's finding the best of the best. Ronnie said there are girls who try to get him to retweet stuff but he won't do it. He said that's not his deal. Howard asked why not. Ronnie said that Twitter can get upset about stuff you put up sometimes. He said he hasn't had that problem. He said he has that disclosure thing that says his stuff may contain adult stuff. He said he's never been suspended from Twitter. He said he doesn't want to be.
Howard said he still has Titty Tuesday. Ronnie said he does and girls can put up whatever they want. Howard asked if he'll put anyone's picture up. Ronnie said he will. Howard asked if it's a girl who has a money site will he still allow it. Ronnie said he can't do anything about it. He said it's fine.
Howard asked if he retweets these girls or just favorite's it. Ronnie said he will just favorite the picture. Howard said he has all of these things he does during the week. He has Thong Thursday too. Ronnie said that's how he got the girl on the yacht. He said he goes through all of the pictures and on Saturday he'll do the highlight of the week. Howard asked how many he gets every week. Ronnie said maybe 10-15. Howard asked how many are good out of them. Ronnie said maybe 1, 2 or 3. He said it depends on the day.
Howard asked why he got rid of hot chick of the week. Ronnie said the girl who helped him with that passed away. He said her name was Zena. He said this was a job to her. He said she took it so serious that she'd get on the phone with the girls and interview them. Howard asked how he knew her. Ronnie said he just knew her through Twitter. He said she was taking it so seriously that she'd tell them what to wear and how to pose. He said she'd call them and yell at them if they didn't do it right.
Howard asked how often he had meetings about this. Ronnie said it was a few times a week. He said she was an older woman who worked in the prisons as a psychologist or something. Howard said no wonder people are cured in prison so much.
Howard asked why he tweets about Funky Buddha beer. Ronnie said they're big fans of the show. He said they sent some stuff to them and it's good Kraft beer. He said he would just promote it.
Howard asked about this Zena girl. Ronnie said it was bad. He said she was on dialysis and stuff for a long time. Howard said he somehow formed a relationship with her and she curated this hot chick of the week. He said that she'd even call the girls and yell at them if they didn't do it right. Ronnie said he used to do it himself and the girls would send pictures. He said Zena took it seriously like a job. Howard asked if she did it for free. Ronnie said she did. He said she was a huge fan of the show and she'd show up to the shows they did.
Howard asked what she was looking to find with the girls and why she would yell at them. Ronnie said she wanted to make sure that they lived up to it. He said it was a big deal to be on that list.
Howard asked what would have happened if he was a girl and he sent a picture to them for hot chick of the week. He asked what would be wrong to get yelled at. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said she took it over and she was the one who took it like a real job.
Ronnie said that sometimes Zena would put up a picture of a girl who was in a bikini or something and then she'd call the girl and ask why she was in a bikini and not doing a hot chic of the week picture. Howard asked if he had to give her notes. Ronnie said no. He said he would just tell her to take it easy on the girls. He said it was just something they did for fun. He said it wasn't that serious. He said some of the girls would get upset. He said it became a big deal and a lot of girls wanted to do it so she had a waiting list.
Howard asked if anyone wrote to Ronnie and tried to circumvent Zena. Ronnie said they did but he would tell them that they had to go through her. He said he had to tell her to calm down sometimes though. He said some girls would ask what was wrong with this lady for yelling at them.
Howard asked when this process started. Ronnie said it would start on Monday. He said that Zena would let the girl know that they were the hot chick of the week on Friday and they had to start posting on Monday. He said that's when she'd yell at them for not posting the right pictures. Howard asked if Ronnie ever overrode her and she got upset about that. Ronnie said he did but he told her to just calm down a little bit because it was just for fun. He said he'd tell her to just let the girls do it. He said sometimes she'd reject girls and they would get upset about it. He said that she would yell at the girls and they would get upset. He said he had to reel her in a bit at times.
Howard asked if Zena ever picked girls that weren't good for him. Ronnie said he didn't care about it that much. He said he was fine if the girls were chubby but Zena cared. Ronnie said that she used to call him ''boss.'' He said she wanted to make him happy. He said it got out of control sometimes because she took it too serious.
Howard said what a fabulous function. He said it was like a corporation. He said that's like Sports Illustrated. He said they had a thing going on there. He asked if he ever worried that she'd do something stupid. Ronnie said he did. He said that's why he had to reel her in. He said he didn't want her upsetting the girls too much.
Howard said it could have led to a girl committing suicide or something. He said Ronnie didn't know. Ronnie said that's what he was talking about. He said that's why he had to talk to her sometimes. Howard said it's a hard defense to say you didn't know what was going on.
Ronnie said he's not sure but he thinks the girls can't show their pussy. Howard said not on Twitter. Ronnie said some girls do but that may have been one of the rules. He said that he tries not to do that. He said there's this one guy in Canada who posts every day and he tags him in all of the photos. He said he'll favorite them but they can't show beaver. He said that some girls show their butts and stuff and then there's thong pictures and stuff like that. He said he won't do it if they show pussy. Howard asked why that is. Ronnie said it's just not sexy to have a girl with her pussy wide open. He said you may see some bush but not the pussy.
Howard asked Ronnie if people complain about that stuff. Ronnie said they do. Howard said he knows that they started to show vagine in Hustler and that led to Playboy showing it. He said it's a whole thing. Robin said maybe that's why it didn't take off. Ronnie said it did take off. He said there were a lot of girls.
Howard said he doesn't want to disparage Zena at all but maybe she took kickbacks from people. Ronnie said no. He said he doesn't know for sure but he doesn't think so. He said she took it very seriously. Howard asked if anyone has offered him money to be hot chick of the week. Ronnie said no and he wouldn't take money for that. Ronnie said he just has fun with it. He said there's a guy who was down on his luck and telling him all of these horrible things. He said they ask for help and he feels bad for them. He said there's a guy who asked him for advice on what to do to get laid. He said he gets guys to send pictures of their wives naked and stuff to evaluate them too. Howard asked what he does when a guy sends a picture of the wife. Ronnie said he never bad mouths the women. He said if the guy is sending a picture of their wife or girlfriend he's not going to say if they're ugly or disgusting. He said it's kind of an honor that he gets those pictures. He said he's just glad that he can be honest about them. Howard said he's not though because he won't say if they're ugly or not. Ronnie said it's just an honor to get them.
Howard said Ronnie has over 215,000 followers. He said he has a girl on the phone who was rejected by Zena. Howard took the fake call from the woman who was crying over being rejected and saying that she was told she has sausage tits. She said Ronnie should have stopped her. Ronnie said he had no idea.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn says she knows something about this. Mariann said that Zena was religious and she loved animals. Howard said if she's religious this seems out anti-religious to be rejecting women like this. Mariann said she took that job very seriously. Howard said he's mad at himself for not knowing about Zena when she was alive. Mariann said she called the show. Howard said he bets that she wants Ronnie. Mariann said she agrees. Ronnie said she loved Stephanie too. He said she'd call her and talk to her. He said he's not sure what her whole story was. Mariann said she adored Ronnie and loved the show.
Mariann said that Howard has no idea what goes on behind the scenes. Howard said he has to get out of this. He asked who the fuck knew this was going on. He said his head is exploding.
Ronnie said he had stopped this a while ago. Howard asked if Zena was devastated. Ronnie said she was fine with it. Howard said maybe it killed her. Ronnie said she was sick even then. Howard said losing that job may have killed her. Ronnie said he just thought it was enough. He said he got a note from a guy who was saying that this girl only fucks him once a month and he told the guy to get out of the relationship. He said he should be glad that this girl left him.
Howard said it's not easy to get women for some guys. He said he was holding on to her because its not that easy. Ronnie said he claimed that he didn't have a problem getting girls. He said the guy told him he was right this week because he's out there getting girls now. He said he was unhappy with that other girl and now he's happy.
Howard said Ronnie became a big shot when he came on the show regularly. He said when he was just a driver he wasn't on the show so much. He said he put him on the air regularly and it blew up. He said he got a big head and fame went to his head. He said Ronnie won't admit it. Ronnie said he never said it didn't. Howard said he became a dapper guy and he was always with the girls at the strip clubs. He said Ronnie has a pipeline of pussy. He said be careful with his advice.
Howard said if a guy comes to him asking for advice about this girl who only fucks once a month you shouldn't listen to Ronnie. He said you should go out and find another girl before you leave that one. He said Ronnie is so famous now that he thinks he's a cocksman. Ronnie said he just has one girl. Howard said he knows his whole life story. He said he knows what he had going on. Howard said he loves Ronnie but he knows he created a horny Frankenstein.
Howard said there's a lot going on there on Twitter. Ronnie said there's not a lot going on. Howard said he thanked Man Groomer on there recently. Ronnie said he was talking about shaving shit on his back and he got some free stuff from Man Groomer after he mentioned them. He said they sent him free shit so he thanked them on Twitter. Howard said he has a little business going on there. Ronnie said he doesn't though. He said he just mentioned them and they sent stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's a huge fan of Ronnie's and he wants to know if he thinks he could have been a Hugh Hefner without Howard. Howard said he was a miserable driver and he never would have been like that without him meeting him. He said Ronnie isn't the only one. He said anyone who comes into his life lives a great life. He said when you know him it's like having a magic Genie. He said Ronnie rubbed his lamp and got his wishes beyond his wildest dreams. He said look at JD's life too. He said case closed. Howard said JD would be working in a meat packing plant with Tom Arnold's sister if he didn't have him on the show. He said that Richard was living in a storage unit and he came there and now he's married and fucking. He said he smells and has rotten teeth but he has a life because of this show. He said it's like rubbing the magic genie when you get on this show. He said he should dress up like a Genie on the show. He said he's not calling anyone a loser but he has taken a lot of people without lives and turned them into something.
Howard said if Benjy wasn't with the show he'd be dressed like Elmo in Times Square right now. He said Fred would be living in the woods. Robin asked if he'd be a survivalist. Howard said yes he would. He said that everyone who comes into his life gets their wish. He said they all have lives now. He said he's able to pull content out of guys like Ronnie. He said he can make him interesting. Howard said they gave Ronnie his own show and look what happened to that. He said JD told him to get it off the air. Ronnie said people liked it. He said a lot of people liked it.
Howard asked JD why he canceled the show. Ronnie said it was because he has no idea about cars. He said JD drove a purple car. JD said it was a purple Neon. Howard said Ronnie had a purple Corvette. Ronnie said that's a special collector's car though. He said he still has that.
JD got on and said that the show was boring. He said they'd talk about leasing cars and stuff. Ronnie said people wanted to hear that. Howard said JD told him that he'd talk about that stuff for too long and not move on to other subjects. Ronnie said they would talk about other subjects.
Howard took a call from Paul Bobo who said he loves Ronnie but he's not sure why he sounds so sedated today. He said he's talking very slowly and quietly. Ronnie said they were just talking about a woman who is dead. He said he's got nothing to yell about. Paul asked if he's on meds for his anxiety. Ronnie said not at all. He said he's working with his hypnotism shit.
Howard said Ronnie might be the oldest social media influencer. Robin said he's their Olivia Jade. Howard asked if he's stressed out about the weather out in Nevada. Ronnie said it's just hot out there. Howard said it's more than that. He said there's a mega drought going on. He said there's a shortage of water and electricity out there. He said that they're claiming a water shortage out there and they're going to have to cut back on water usage in Nevada and other states. He said that Lake Mead is at 37 percent capacity and Hoover Dam could stop providing electricity out there. He said if they can't supply electricity out there then old people are going to start dying from the heat. He said this is serious. Robin said they had something like this in France and it killed a lot of older people there. Howard said imagine that's what kills Ronnie.
Howard said they're saying that no pools can be filled and things like that. Robin said he's not going to have electricity. Howard said he hopes that doesn't happen. Howard said he hopes he has a contingency plan.
Howard said Lake Mead hit it's lowest level since 1937. He said he wishes them luck out there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what took so long to give out this information about Zena. He asked if she was hot. Howard said he already said that she was an older woman.
Howard said Richard Roeper was on the Wrap Up Show and he was talking about Ronnie's move to Vegas. He has some audio to play. He played a clip of Richard talking about what Las Vegas is really like. He said he was out there for 4 days and decided to stay a week. He said he was looking to get out of there on the sixth day because he was so tired of it. He said he's not sure why Ronnie is moving out there if he's not into gambling and all of that. He said that's what that town is all about.
Howard said he could have gotten a vacation house out there or something. Ronnie said that he doesn't have that kind of money. He said that it's not like what they think it's like out there. Howard said a lot of people live there because they work there. He said that Ronnie is going there to retire. Ronnie said a lot of people do that.
Howard said a lot of people wrote in about Ronnie's move to Vegas. He said a lot of people are taken with it. He said they're curious about the whole thing. Ronnie asked what they're worried about. He told Howard to tell them to worry about themselves.
Howard said he's trying to find the mail but he can't find it. He said it's just people's opinions. Ronnie said he doesn't give a shit about what people say. He said he does what he wants to do.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he's wondering how you live in 120 degree heat. Ronnie said it's fine. Howard said he goes to Florida and he wont sty there in the summer. He said it's unbearably hot there. He said you can't even go for a walk down there. Ralph said you go from air conditioning to air conditioning.
Howard asked how long he has stayed in Vegas. Ronnie said a week and a half at a time. He said he was out there visiting. He said he was staying in a hotel. Howard said he went out to the pool and stayed in a hotel. Ronnie said he did so he didn't bother any of his friends. Howard said a camel told him it's too fucking hot out there.
Howard asked Ronnie what he did with the air in the car. Ronnie said he would drive around with the windows open. Howard said that's right because he loves the heat. He said that Ronnie can't handle the heat. He said it's too late to do anything now because he already about a house out there. He said that Ronnie has white skin that's almost translucent. He said he has a thick, hairy body type too. He said he's not into heat. Robin said they're going to have to go rescue him out there. Ronnie said don't come to rescue him. He said Howard won't even leave his house. Howard said he save a life by doing that.
Howard said Ronnie is going to fry on the sidewalk out there. He said he has the skin of a baby mouse. He said lets say you move out there and spend a summer there. He said he's miserable the whole time. He asked if he's so stubborn that he's going to stick it out there even if he hates it. Ronnie said he's going to stick it out and Howard is right that he's never going to give them the satisfaction of leaving. He said he'll let them think what they want to think. Howard asked if he's going to just sit there. Ronnie said he's never packing up and moving again.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie can go there and get shot in the foot every day and he'll never say it wasn't fantastic. He said he's going to die there a miserable man. Howard said Ronnie is red as a beat right now. He said he knows that he sits in his back yard with his neighbors. Ronnie said nothing is out there because it's all packed up or thrown in the garbage.
Howard said Ronnie thinks sitting by the pool is the way to go out there. He said it's hotter in the shade than it is in the sun out there. He said you can't sit out there.
Ralph said that it's fine that Ronnie gets free stuff. Ronnie cut him off and Ralph said he wants to finish. Ronnie said he's sick of hearing it. Ralph said he hasn't heard it yet. Howard said just say it so he can move on. Ralph said he's pretending like he's not asking for free stuff. He asked how they just sent it to him. He asked how they know his address. Ronnie said he never gave them his address. He said it just showed up at his house. Ronnie said you can find anything online. He said he knows that so don't break his fucking balls. He said he didn't give anyone his address. Ronnie said that JD and Richard got stuff too and it just showed up. He said no one gave out their addresses. Ralph said it's an endorsement that he was doing. Ronnie said that's right. He asked if Ralph never did that. Howard cut them off and said that he doesn't want them fighting.
Howard asked what's with the fires out there in Vegas. Ronnie said that he doesn't know what Bobo is talking about.
Howard said he heard a story about Bobo having dick fights with his friends. Bobo said he did that. Ronnie said that makes sense. Bobo said he was like 13 years old and he did some crazy shit. Howard asked who won. Bobo said they just had dares and they would see who had the biggest dicks. Howard asked if he was hard. Ronnie said he wasn't. He said it wasn't a continuous fight. He said they were sword fights but they weren't long. Robin asked if they were slapping cocks together. Bobo said they were but that was back in the day. He said they did a lot of crazy stuff.
Bobo said he told that hitchhiker story once. He said he got into a car with 4 guys and he was like 15 years old. He said he got into this 4 door car and he thought he'd be able to escape out of that but not in a 2 door car. Howard said he has to get out of this. Bobo said he has to finish. He said that he wanted to hop out of the car but they weren't going to let him go. Howard said no one cares about this. He said he wants to talk about him fighting with his dick. Bobo said they did shit like that back then. Howard asked how big his cock is. Bobo said it's like 6 or 7 inches.
Howard said he heard Bobo has a bent dick. Howard said Derek told him that. Bobo said he doesn't. Derek said he has a right angle dick. He said he came in to wear the Borat Onsie that time and he was in the hallway where he changed. He said he had to look if he was done chagrin and he saw his penis and it was crooked. Bobo said he doesn't have a broken dick. He said he's never had a problem with that. Derek said it was bent like a hook. Ronnie said that's Peyronie's disease.
Ronnie said that's what you get for sicking your dick in a vacuum cleaner. Howard said he never had a sword fight. Bobo said that he had to have. Howard said he never did. He said he can't take this anymore. He hung up on Bobo.
Howard took a call from Fake Dan Rather who said he's outside of Ronnie's home in Las Vegas and there's not a single drop of water in sight. He said everything is drying up out there. Howard said he'd imagine he's drying up out there. Dan said that he's not sure how anyone survives out there.
Howard said he's had enough. Ronnie said Fred just put the wrong puppet up. He said he had the Benjy puppet up. Howard said Ronnie has revealed a lot about what goes on behind the scents of his Twitter account. He said that was a fascinating look into his world. Howard did a live commercial read and was about to go to break but Ralph called in again and said that Bobo's sword fight thing was the funniest thing ever. He said he claims that he's not gay but that was gay. He said if you're shared with another guy then you're gay. Robin said he did say that they had arguments about who was bigger. Howard said he's guessing that Bobo had at least 25 boner fights. He said it must have felt good once it started.
Howard said once you're past 13 and rubbing penises with guys that's gay. He said he might have cum.
Howard got Bobo back on the line to talk about the dick fights and using the vacuum to pleasure himself. Bobo said the sword fight was just a one time thing. Howard said he had to have done it more and he had to have been older than 13. Bobo said he wasn't. He said that they would argue about their dick sizes and they did it for fun to compare. Howard said he bets that he was Long Island Boner Fight Champion of the World. He asked Bobo what he did to get hard. Bobo said that they might have chubbed up somehow. Howard said he had to be nude to do it. Bobo said their clothes weren't off. He said they just pulled their pants down. Howard said to move around for the fight he had to take his pants off his ankles. Bobo said they just chubbed up. Howard said he has to know how he got hard. Bobo said it was just so quick he doesn't remember. Howard asked how he got hard. Bobo said you just turn your back for a second and get yourself chubbed up.
Bobo said it was just funny shit. Howard asked how long their boners touched. Bobo said it was just something quick. Howard asked how they knew someone won. Bobo said they went by their dick size. He said it didn't last for that long. He said it wasn't someone with a bell or anything.
Howard asked Bobo if he showed him a video of himself doing that what would he think. Bobo said it was exploring. He said that's what you did back in the day. Howard said no one on the show even did this. He said even Richard didn't do it. Ralph said he has never done that. Bobo said that Richard has done that. Howard said he did it with Sal on the show but that's because he's gay. Bobo said he did something back in Kansas. Howard said that was jerking off in the bathroom with his friend and that's because he's gay.
Howard said he guarantees that this happened more than once with Bobo. Bobo said that it only happened once. He said you did crazy shit. Howard said when he was 15 years old his friend was at his house and asked if they should both jerk off. He said he asked what he means and the guy told him they can both lay down and jerk off. He said he told him that ain't happening. Ralph asked what happened to that friendship. Howard said he's pretty sure they never saw each other again after that.
Howard took a call from a fake caller who said it was Bobo's friend from Long Island who had the sword fight with him. He said they used to drag race and the loser had to blow the winner. He said it was just something they did back in the day. He said that when he'd play football and sack him he'd stick his finger in his ass. He said it was no big deal. He said that's just what they did back in the day.
Bobo said it wasn't a gay thing. He said a lot of kids did that back then. He said that it wasn't a big deal. He said he just did that thing once. He said it didn't last long. Robin asked how it felt to feel another guy's boner. Bobo said that wasn't what it was about. He said they just compared sizes.
Howard asked Bobo if you hold your boner with your hand like a sword. Bobo said of course. Robin said then you swat at the other dick. Bobo said it wasn't rubbing. Robin said he touched his dick to another dick. Bobo said he did but it wasn't long.
Howard tried to ask Chris Wilding what he thinks about that but his microphone wasn't working so he gave up. Howard let everyone go. He said Bobo is so manly now that it's ridiculous. He said that he dyes his beard and his wig and all of that. Howard went to break after doing another live commercial read.
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Howard came back and burped and cracked himself up. He took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Andy Cohen was on his show calling it the Andy Tower there at Sirius and he wanted to get into Howard's studio to sit in his chair. She asked what's going on up there. Howard said he heard that and it was a little bit creepy. He said Andy has his own channel there at SiriusXM and he is the top gay. He said it was kind of creepy that he was looking to get into his studio. He said that it's like a ghost town up there right now. He said that they don't know when they're going back there. He said Andy was almost acting sexual about it. He said that he wanted to get into the studio so bad. He said he's not sure what's going on with Andy.
Howard played a clip where Andy was calling dibs on his studio. He said it's almost like it's a corpse. In the clip Andy was asking who gets Howard's studio if he never comes back up there. He said he doesn't think that he'll ever be back up there. Howard said that Andy's co-host is this guy he used to date. He said he threw him a bone and gave him a job on his show.
Howard played another clip where Andy asked if there's anyone else up there. He was wondering if he can go into Howard's area and take something. He was told no. Andy said he just wants to fish around. He said he would love to go in there and fish around. Howard said it got really creepy. He said he's not sure what's going on there.
Howard said just to fuck with him he might take over his studio so he has two studios. He said the other thing is that Andy wants to sit in his chair. He said he's not sure what's up with that. He played another clip of Andy talking about doing that. He said he's not sure what would happen if he did that. Howard said he'd get fired so fast. Howard said it's not that interesting in their compound actually. He said there's nothing interesting about sitting in his chair. He said he should want to create his own throne and not want to sit in someone else's chair.
Howard said the only thing he's going to find in there is Gary's plantain chips. He said that they needed a space for bands and stuff in there so that's why they created that studio. He said he's not sure what the fascination is with it other than that. He wondered if it's weird that Andy used to fuck that guy and now they're on the same show. Robin said they're just friends now.
Howard said their studio is kind of convoluted because they have 40 staffers there and they're all crammed into a small space while the studio is huge. He said they can't have their personal space there. He said the studio is great but everyone is stacked on top of one another. He said it's like a Viking slave ship.
Howard said he's not sure what he's going to do about going back to that studio. He said he thinks some day they might go back. He said SiriusXM probably found out during the pandemic that they don't need that space to do shows. He said they may go back there at some point. He said he's not sure when. Robin said she hears people talking about being at the office and how they need to run into each other. She said they don't think they can do it without being in person.
Howard said Bernie Sanders is on Zoom and he has plans for the studio too. Howard took the call from fake Bernie who said they can turn that studio into low income housing. He said some states are ending COVID relief early and Howard has to do his part.
Howard said he doesn't want to share his studio space but Bernie is ready to share it all. Robin said he wants to give it all away. Howard let Bernie go after that.
Howard took a call from Andy Cohen and said it sounded like he wanted to shoot a load over his studio. Andy said he wanted to sit in Robin's chair and walk around and see what he would find. He said he also knew that he would be fired if he did that. He said it was a dance he was doing with himself in his brain. Howard said he could let him in there but there's nothing to see there. Andy said he doesn't believe that. He said if someone was at Letterman's old studio one day and it was empty he would want to sit in the chair. He said it's an iconic place. Howard said now that you say it he gets the curiosity.
Andy said he just wants to see what's up there. He said he'd want to see Howard's office. Howard said there's really noting in there. Andy's kid was yelling for him. Howard said poor Andy. He said he had a great life and he got famous on TV and all of that. He said now he has kids. Howard said congratulations on Beverly Hills Housewives. He said it's really good. He said Andy had this magical life and he would be out partying all the time. He said he had to run from one party to another. He said he would see him out and that's what he had to do.
Howard said the great thing about being gay is that you don't have kids and you can fuck whenever. He said Andy has kids now so he fucked it all up. Andy said that it's been a few days for him. Howard said his life has to be tough now. He asked who is watching this kid. Andy said that he spends time alone with him on the weekends. He said he's with him all week too. Howard said he doesn't believe it. He said he doesn't think he's sitting at home. Andy said he doesn't need his beliefs. Howard said Andy would rather risk his life than stay home. Andy said he felt very safe up there.
Andy asked if he thinks that he'll ever set foot in that studio again. Howard said yes. He said he thinks that they'll figure it out. He said he imagines that some day they'll have a special guest coming in and they will go in there. He said he's not sure what the future is going to be but he could see it happening. He said he thinks that SiriusXM will down size and get rid of the studios. He said that Andy may be stuck at home doing his show. Andy said that would be amazing with his equipment from 1956.
Howard said he's been watching the series on CNN about late night hosts. He said that they included Andy's show. He said at least they're giving him some credit. Andy said he wishes they had given Joan more love. He said that he talked about her a lot in that special. He said maybe he missed it but he thought she deserved more.
Andy asked if they have discussed why the news is gone. Howard said they changed things up and they incorporate the news into the show now. He said there's no real game plan. Andy said he misses the news. Howard asked if Robin could do some news for Andy. Howard said they're supposed to be doing a 3 hour show now too so that's another reason. He said that he can't handle doing another hour of show. He said that they would end up doing 5 hours of show if they did the news.
Robin said that everyone is outraged about the Westminster dog show because of the type of dog they chose as best in show. It's a Pekingese. Howard said they wouldn't know about that if Robin hadn't brought it up.
Andy was upset about how Mariann turned on him. Howard put her back on the line and had her going off on him about how disrespectful he has been lately. She said that he owes Howard an apology. Andy said that it sounds like she's really hate listening to his show. He said that he didn't realize that they had invented doing the news on their show. Howard said poor Andy took a beating. Andy said she has really turned on him.
Andy's kid was yelling so Howard said it might be time to go. He gave him some plugs for his shows and things like that. He's got a lot going on over on his channels. Howard said he had an extra channel there but they had enough going on so he didn't do it. Andy said everyone loves Howard's music so they need a third music channel. Howard said he has the leasing rights to 312 so he might do it on there. That's Andy's extra channel. Howard let Andy go after that.
Howard said it sounds like if they don't get back up there to the studio they're going to rename it to the Kiki Compound.
Howard said one listener said that he was grossed out by King's story about fucking his wife's foot.
Howard said King called into Joe's show again and Joe heard their segment with King and Joe went off on King lecturing him. Howard played the clip of Joe lecturing King about what he said on Howard's show. King tried talking but Joe told him to shut the fuck up. He said he's in no position to tell anyone if he's relevant or not. King asked if he can respond and Joe told him to shut the fuck up each time he tried to talk.
Howard said he has a King of All Blacks game to play. He said he's not sure if it's interesting or not. He played a song parody theme song for the game. It was about who King would rent to as a landlord. He said King actually is a landlord. He asked if he would rent to fat people. Robin asked if they have money. Robin said yes. Howard played King's answer and he said no because they're not going to get up and go to work and things like that.
Howard asked if King would rent to a secret KKK member. Robin asked if he knows the secret. Howard said he doesn't know. Robin said yes he would. Howard played the clip and King said he doesn't mind that if he's privately a Clansman. He said if he's white he could be one anyway.
Howard asked if King would rent to a white person on welfare. Robin said no. Howard played the clip and King said he actually would because that's not as bad as a black person on welfare.
Howard asked if King would rent to a gay couple in their 20s. Robin said she doesn't think so. Howard played King's answer and King said he would. He said they're usually very responsible.
Howard asked if King would rent to a Satanist. Robin said yes. King's answer was yes and he thinks that he'd get his money if he rented to one. Howard said they light a lot of candles so they could burn the place down.
Howard asked if King would rent to a mixed race couple where the guy was black and the woman was white. Robin asked why he'd have a problem with that. King's answer was no because the guy will be in charge of the rent and when he saw him owning the building he would have an issue with it. Robin said that's amazing.
Howard said that's kind of interesting. Robin said this is the same logic as a Qanon person because his logic is backed up by nothing.
Howard asked if King would rent to a guy who drives a cheap mini van. Robin said she's not sure why it would bother him. Howard played his answer and King said he would because that guy is frugal. Robin said she would cut off her head if she had his thoughts.
Howard asked if King would rent to a black person who voted for Trump. Robins said yes. Howard played his answer and King said that they want to be white if they voted for Trump so they want to be educated and speak well. He said they really want to assume this white image that they think they know.
Howard asked if King would rent to a white family that voted for Trump. Robin said yes. Howard played his answer and King said no because they're probably broke and drinking Budweiser. He said no because that's going to be trouble.
Howard asked if King would rent to a family from Africa. Robin said no. Howard played his answer and King said he would because they're not lazy.
Howard asked if King would be willing to rent to a black person wearing new, expensive shoes. Robin said no. Howard played his answer and King said he would rent to them but he'd keep an eye on them. He said they can be tricky.
Howard asked if King would rent to a black person wearing an ''All Lives Matter'' shirt. Robin said she would say yes. Howard played King's answer and he said yes because that person wants to be white too. He said a black person wearing wack clothes is going to pay the rent.
Howard asked if King would rent to a Syrian refugee family. Robin said no way. Howard played King's answer and he said no. He said they're looking for sympathy so no.
Howard asked if he would rent to a transgender, black woman. Robin said he will say yes to that. Howard played King's answer and he did say yes. He said he thinks they're closer to the white side so they will pay their rent.
Howard said next week they'll be playing ''Which Class Will King Ethnically Cleanse.'' He said he hopes Robin enjoyed that game. He played the theme song again.
Robin said she'd bet that King wouldn't even rent to himself. Howard said maybe not.
Howard took a call from Ed who said that he had bad withdrawals from that stuff last week. He said he needs help from Dr. Drew. He said that if you want to die that's a good way to do it. He said he's only done it a couple of times. Robin said he didn't have any withdrawals if he has only done it a few times. Ed said it was the opioids that he did that he had trouble with.
Ed said he wrote a song for him. Howard said he has to find out what's going on with him. He said that he won't get the COVID vaccine. Ed said he won't because if Howard has it then he can't get it from him and he can't give it to him. Howard said that's not true. He said if you get the vaccine to hedge your bet. He said you want to try to keep yourself from dying from it.
Howard said Ed has no idea where he gets his heroin from and he'll put that into his body but not this vaccine. He said that doesn't make sense.
Ass Napkin Chris got on and said that one of his worms had gotten vaccinated. Ed said he got four figures from Cameo after Howard mentioned it.
Howard asked Ed why he doesn't trust the government since they send him money for doing zero. Ed said they send Howard money too. Howard said he does not get any money from the government. He said he never has. Ed said that he and Howard agreed not to talk about politics. Howard said he's the one who shouldn't trust the government because they take his money and give it to people like Ed. He said Ed should be so pro government. He said he should be yelling about how great they are.
Ed said they let the criminals out of prison. Howard said some do get out. He asked if Ed will ever do heroin again. Ed said the withdrawals were really bad. Howard asked why he had such trouble with it. Ed said it was the other opiates that he had taken. He said it was the next day that he had the withdrawals. He said you can get rid of it by drinking a ton of booze or take sleeping pills. He said he only did the booze so far.
Ed asked if he can do one of his songs now. Howard said go ahead. Ed sang a song but it didn't seem to be a song about anything. Howard said this is why you don't do heroin.
Howard asked Ed what he's going to do all day today. Ed said he's going to eat and watch TV. Howard said this guy doesn't like government. Ed sang another song for him. Howard called him Slob Dylan. He was singing about the Bayou. Howard asked what he knows about the Bayou. Ed said it rhymes with Ohio. Howard said it does. Ed kept singing. Howard said he went on John Hinckley's web site and he's better than Ass Napkin Ed at singing and that guy is pretty bad. Ed sang again and asked Howard what he liked better. Howard said he reminds him of Garbage. Not the band but actual garbage.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said this is making him nuts. He said this guy will drink a ton of alcohol and he won't take a vaccine. He said he should ban him from the show until he gets the vaccine. He said if you get a check from the government you should be forced to get the vaccine.
Howard said he's glad Ed is alive. Ass Napkin Chris sang a song for Howard where he rhymed Bayou with Scott Baio. Robin asked if Ed knows what a Bayou is. Ed said it's a thing in Louisiana. Howard said it's pronounced differently than Ohio. He said it's By-You not By-Oh.
Howard said he hopes Ed gets off the heroin. He said he wants the guy to be okay.
Howard said John Hinckley learned to play guitar somehow. He said in 2020 he was allowed to publicly showcase his writings, music and other forms of art. He said he seems to be living a pretty good life for someone who doesn't work. Robin asked how she didn't get into that line where you don't work. She said she got in the line where you do work.
Howard said he was on his YouTube channel and he'd ask you not to go on there. He said there were people sending him love. He said that blows his mind too. He read some of the comments Hinckley got from people. He said that some people were saying that he didn't deserve any of that time. Howard said this guy was trying to impress a girl who isn't even into guys. He said that he was trying to show Jodi Foster he was into her. Howard said she didn't care.
Howard played some audio of Hinckley's music. Howard said Benjy is saying that he really likes the song. He said he has to be doing that to get on the air. Howard put Benjy on and asked if he's serious. Benjy said it's a nice tune. Howard said it's the most simplistic thing he's ever heard. Robin said it's on the level of Ass Napkin Ed. Howard asked if Benjy was into that. Benjy said he didn't like the song that Ass Napkin Ed did.
Howard said Benjy really loves it. He said he thinks he could do this kind of song. He played a simple guitar chord and sang about Benjy losing weight in his song. He also sang about him sweating on dates after riding his bike to the date. He sang about Benjy being a giant, sweaty mess.
Howard told Benjy to stop it. He said that song is like a child's song. Benjy said they have different tastes in music. He said that one line about the Majesty of Love is great. Howard said he has to get out of this conversation.
Howard said a few days later he posted another song which was a cover of a Bob Dylan song. Howard said in this video he has a wall behind him with clocks on it with different times. He said that he's like international John. He said that must be because he's cuckoo.
Howard said he did a cover of an Elvis song too. Robin asked if he has any more originals. Howard said he does. He said this is a country song. He played that for Robin and Hinckley had a music track he was singing to. Howard said this is actually good. Howard asked who would perform with this guy.
Howard said his favorite song was about paralyzing Jim Brady. He said that John shot at Ronald Reagan and hit Jim Brady. He said that all of his brain power was greatly diminished. Howard made up a simple song about that.
Howard played more of Hinckley's country song. Howard said he wants to know who would play with that guy. He said they have to be the same kind of people who hang out with OJ Simpson.
Howard said this is a song called ''Everything is Going to be Alright.'' He played that song and it was another really simple one. Howard said the comments are positive about that one. He said someone actually cried over that one. Howard said someone said that was really good and it made them cry. Robin said write something real, asshole. She said if he sang about how he gave into the devil's curse then maybe she'd listen.
Howard said some people did write some snarky comments under the song. Howard said that someone wrote it was better than anything Ronald Reagan ever did. Howard said someone wrote ''I wish you were as good a shot as you are a musician.'' Howard said there were some comments about how bad the music was. He read through some of those.
Howard said he heard that John wants their studio up at SiriusXM. He played another clip where Hinckley was talking about how he's looking for a record company and he will have a new album coming out. Howard said he's opening for Foo Fighters at Madison Square Garden. He played more of John singing ''Mr. Tambourine Man.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has that majesty of love song stuck in his head. Howard said he doesn't have that stuck in there. He said he has ''I'm Too Sexy'' stuck in his head. He said he's still singing that Ass Napkin Ed song and doesn't have room for John Hinckley's song in his head. He said a bullet is stuck in Jim Brady's head.
Howard played the majesty of love song again. He took a call from fake Jodi Foster who said that this has finally gotten her into John Hinckley. Howard wrapped up that segment and took a break.
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Howard came back and said he loves this song. He said it was on Facebook. He said they had a bunch of clips of Simon and Garfunkel on there and they were doing this song. He said when they harmonize it sends chills up your back.
Howard said this cover is very cool. He said you wonder if Paul Simon likes this cover. He said that they had the band on Conan and Paul saw it and wrote an email to the lead singer of the band saying he really enjoyed it. Howard said that's pretty cool.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ass Napkin Ed and the withdrawal thing isn't true. He said you don't get them from doing it just a few days. He said it's just an excuse. Howard said Ed has been drinking a long time so he's just trying to get rid of one thing with another. He said he probably just didn't feel good the next day.
Howard took a call from a woman, Jessica, who said she's nervous because she was going through her boyfriend's phone and snooping and she came across him texting with a tranny. She said she's not sure what to do. Howard said everything about this call is odd to him. He said she needs guidance and advice. Howard asked what kind of relationship you're in when you snoop through your boyfriend's phone. He said that she just said she doesn't want to embarrass her boyfriend either. He said the guy isn't into her if he's into transvestites or transsexuals. He said she doesn't know what to do about it.
Howard asked what they were up to in the texts. Jessica said it was just sexting. She said he may have been out of town or something. She said she's not sure how to approach this. Howard asked if she's having unprotected sex with her boyfriend. She said she is. Howard said that could be risking her life. He asked if she's desperate for a man. Jessica said not at all. She said she's really hot. Howard asked who she looks like. Jessica said she gets Megan Fox and Kardashian comments. She said she has a super hot body. She said she can give them her Instagram if they want to see.
Howard asked if she said she was in Sports Illustrated. Jessica said she was. She said she won a contest and got in. Howard asked what the story is with the Sports Illustrated thing. She said they had a contest and she got in as one of the final 3. She said she was in the magazine like 3 times leading up to the final.
Howard said that her confusion is weird to him. He said if the boyfriend is into a transsexual then she should get out. Jessica said that they've been together for like 3 years. She said he's doing really well right now in his career. She said he's an entrepreneur. Howard said that word scares him. He said that means ''coke dealer'' to him. Jessica said they match very well in bed. She said she's a pervert in bed. Howard asked the guys to get her Instagram so he can look her over. Howard asked what she does in bed that's so perverted. She said she's down for anything. Howard said he is too but he only does 2 things. Howard said he's going to put her on hold to find out what she looks like. He put heron hold so the guys could get her information.
Howard said he wants to see what this transsexual looks like too. Robin said she said that the transsexual wasn't hot. Howard said he's not sure what's happening here.
Howard got Jessica back on the line and said he's going to look at her in a minute. He asked what she meant when she said she's willing to do anything in bed. Jessica said she's up for just about anything. She said she'll lick a guy's ass and things like that. She said that if it's clean it's fine. She said it turns her on because the guy gets turned on. She said that its just hot. Howard asked the guys when they're going to show him the pictures. He said they're holding on to them. Howard asked if Jessica gets it on with women too. She said she has.
Howard said he just saw her pictures. He said she really is hot. He said those have to be fake titties. She said they are. She said she has a good body though. Howard said look at her Instagram. He said she's something. He said what a knock out she is. He asked if she really eats guy's assholes. Jessica laughed. She said she does. Howard said she doesn't have an ounce of fat on her. Jessica said not at all.
Howard asked what she does for a living. Jessica said she's a model. She said she used to do car shows and things like that. Howard asked how tall she is. She said she's 5'5''. Howard said that's why she's not a professional model. Jessica said she used to do the big car shows like at the Javits center in New York. She said she traveled with a lot of girls when she was on that circuit so she would do things with them. She said they would fuck around. She said that she didn't cheat on her men with other men.
Howard said she's very annoying with the constant laughing. He asked how that all comes about with the women. Jessica said you go out drinking and one thing leads to another. She said they mess around a little bit. Howard asked if they make out. Jessica said they do. She said that she doesn't go down on girls but they go down on her. She said she's not that into it.
Howard asked if she rubs the girls with her hand. She said she will do that. Howard said she'll lick a guy's ass but not a woman's vagina. Jessica said that she will only do that when the guy is fresh out of the shower.
Howard said it's very strange what she's doing. Jessica had mentioned something about the guy peeing on her so Robin asked how long they were into the relationship when that happened. Jessica had a long story about that. Howard said this guy must be rich for her to put up with that.
Jessica said she doesn't want to embarrass her boyfriend. She said that she isn't sure what to do. Howard said he's messing around behind her bad. He said she has to be done with the relationship. Jessica said she also feels bad about going through his phone. Howard said she should. He thanked her for the call.
Howard asked Robin what would make her leave a guy. He said he doesn't agree with going through the phone. He said that's bad enough. He said then she takes a look and sees he's texting with a woman who has a penis. Howard asked Robin when you say to yourself that this may not turn out that well. Robin said he's been trying to get her out of his life with a lot of things. She said that she's not sure what he'd have to do to get rid of her. Jessica said she thinks this is it. She said she doesn't know what to do. Howard said she's hot and eating his ass but she won't leave him.
Jessica told Howard more about what she does to the guy's asshole and how that turns him on and that turns her on. She said that's kind of sexually weird. Howard said he can't take her on the phone but if he was looking at her he'd be fine with the constant laughing. He said that he guarantees that she's dated celebrities. Jessica said she has. Howard asked who she has dated. Jessica said she can't say. Howard said no one knows who she is. Jessica said she fucked around with Gerard Butler. Robin said that's A-list. Howard said he doesn't even want to know the list. He said it would be too depressing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the problem with the girl is that she's so annoying it's not even funny. He said he loves this kind of stuff but she's so annoying that's why the boyfriend is sucking cock. Howard said he's saying that the girl is so annoying that it drove him to sucking cock. Jessica said she's just nervous. Howard let that guy go after he said she has no substance.
Jessica said he's just nervous. Howard said any guy who is annoyed by her just go on her Instagram and see how hot she is. He said you won't be annoyed anymore.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that this girl is fucking perfect. He said he's looking at her Instagram and she's perfect. He said he has some advice for her... ''let me fuck you.'' He said she's perfect. Howard said you don't get into Sports Illustrated if you're not perfect. He said she has to be hot.
Howard said that they can't find anything wrong with her. Robin said when a woman puts 3 years in with a guy they don't want to think they wasted it. Ralph said that no woman like that should be with a guy that long. Howard said she should be with girls.
Ralph asked how old she is. Jessica said she's 32. Ralph said ''Oh wow!'' Howard asked how old she was when she was first with a girl. Jessica said she was about 24. She said she was doing an event with some other women and she went to a strip club in Milwaukee. Howard asked what she was wearing. Jessica said they weren't dressed up. She said they watched this porn star dance and then they went back to the hotel. She said they were texting pictures back and forth.
Howard asked Jessica to slow down. He went through the details asking what the other woman looked like. Jessica said she was really tall and she was very super model like. She didn't know who she looked like. She said the other woman came to her room and just started kissing her. Howard asked if the other woman started taking her clothes off. Jessica said she did. She said she pulled her pants down and she video recorded it and sent it to her boyfriend. Ralph asked if she can send that to him.
Howard said she has an OnlyFans account too. Jessica said she doesn't post nude stuff. She said she's just playing people out. She said that she posts the same stuff she puts on Instagram. She said she was offered to do Playboy but she turned that down. Howard asked what the point of paying her on OnlyFans is if she's not nude. She said it's basically just ripping people off. Howard said he needs more if he's going to subscribe. Jessica said she's not going to do that on there.
Howard asked if she goes on there live and walks out in bikinis or does she just show photos. She said it's just photos. She said guys are horny so she's taking advantage of that. She said she just started doing it for like a week and a half and only made like $200. She said she's not making a living off of it. She said she gets paid a lot to be a presenter.
Howard asked what a presenter does. She said the big auto makers pay them to dress up and talk about the cars. She said she's not even in a bikini doing that. She said they're in pant suits and stuff. She said she gets paid well for that.
Howard asked thanked Jessica for the call. Ralph said she has a lot of exercises that she does for her ass. She said she likes having a perfect butt. Ralph said she has like a billion exercises for her ass. Howard said he has to go on there to see all of that.
Howard took a call from fake George Takei who said that she's so hot that she's turned him straight. George said he'd love to tickle her tits. He said she's even converted Ralph with him. He told Brad that they have to throw out the dildo because it's pussy all the way now. Howard said he's blown away by this.
George asked if she does Star Trek conventions. Howard wrapped up and thanked everyone for calling in.
Howard said he was going to play a phony phone call but he'll do that tomorrow. Robin asked if they straightened her out and got her to dump that guy. Howard said she's going to have a threesome with Benjy and Ralph.
Howard said he has a phony phone call that's over 6 minutes long. He said it's Rocky Pendergast calling the Cathi show. He said it's the Gone with the Wind of prank calls. He said it's over 6 minutes long. He said it's like watching a movie.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he agrees with the previous caller that Jessica is really annoying. He said she's such a sexual deviant but she's doing everything another man would do to him. Howard said his show is such a public service. He said Robin has witnessed this. He said that he used to go to the strip clubs and hear from the strippers. He said it was fascinating to him. He said that Robin told him to get over it. He said he's sure that Jessica would be great in person but she's annoying on the phone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wants to know how to get women like that. Howard said he used to wonder the same thing. He said that he's a great guy and he thinks that women like that should be with him. He said that it turns out he's the douche bag and they just don't get girls like that.
Howard said on Wednesday they're going to talk to James Corden. He said he has a show that he can't remember the name of. Robin said it's the Late, Late Show with James Corden. Howard said it must be. He said James lost a lot of weight. He said there's a show about the late night shows that's really interesting. He said that should be an interesting conversation with James.
Howard said they had Andy Cohen on earlier. He said he doesn't believe for a second that he was home alone with that kid. He said he has to have helpers that were there with them. He said thanks to Andy for calling in. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:45am.
Howard started the show talking about how everybody loves the show. He said a survey says that everyone who has SiriusXM loves the show. He said what a win. He told Robin not to turn on her microphone because he's doing an experiment. Robin said it wasn't her. Her microphone was off and someone had to turn it on. Howard said Robin always knows the right thing to say. They had clips of her saying ''Big dick energy'' and ''Four inches is fine.''
Howard asked Fred how many phrases he has for Robin. He said he must have a menu there. Fred said he has a few but not enough. He said he doesn't know if he has enough to do a show without her. He said if she had to go to the bathroom he might be able to cover it. Howard said next time she does go then they'll try. Fred played more random clips from Robin. Howard tried talking to Robin with Fred playing responses to him. He had Robin saying ''Pussy wedgies'' and things like that. He wasn't letting Howard speak. Fred said he was just dominating the conversation like the real Robin.
Howard tried again and Fred played responses to him. Howard said Robin is making him uncomfortable. He said she's sexually harassing him. Fred had Robin telling Howard to jizz on her tits and things like that. Howard said he can't do that. He asked Robin if she has seen any good TV shows. Robin said she prefers the ass. Howard said Ronan Farrow is writing an article about her right now. Robin said she told him that she shit her pants.
Howard said Robin would have been back by now. Robin said you can see that they can't have a full conversation with those clips. Fred played a few more drops from Robin. He had Robin said that the vagina can apparently clean itself. Howard thanked Fred for that.
Howard said Robin may have a brain tumor that's making her come on to him. He said he saw that on a documentary. He said they say that people who have Alzheimer's say stuff like that. He said you revert back to caveman or woman. Fred played more weird drops from Robin like ''The anus doesn't last forever.'' Howard tried to have another conversation with the drops. Howard said he feels like Dickie Goodman doing this.
Howard said they get the idea Fred. He said they have to move on. Fred told Robin if she needs to take a break he's ready.
Howard said this woman married this lawyer and she had a $40,000 a month ''glam team'' working for her. He said it was a crazy story. He said he would turn to his wife and ask how an attorney can do that job and have this wife with all of this going on. He said this guy could make a great living but there's a greediness with the criminal mind. He said this guy wasn't able to do that. He said this guy can't afford a $40,000 a month glam team. He said this woman Erika Jayne is who he's talking about. He said this Lawyer was taking away money from kids charities and stuff. He said they have a special about this on Hulu. He said the people getting ripped off complained to the Bar out in California and they never looked into this guy Tom Girardi. He said now they're going to look into him.
Howard said some people didn't know that this guy got the because he wasn't telling them about it. Robin said he'd lie to people and he did it with such ease. Robin said that Erika Jayne has all of that money in her closet. She said she has those shoes and bags and all of the clothes. Howard said if she knew nothing about what her husband was doing then she's innocent. Robin said she was given titles in the guy's companies though. She said he's on the contracts. Howard said if they find out that he gave her money to divorce him then she's in trouble.
Howard said if you're going to steal then don't fluent this money on TV. He said that's what did this guy in. He said the guy bought a million dollar painting for his wife and it wasn't even that great. He said it was a horrible painting. He said he hates to say that but it was horrible. He said a lot of painters paint like that thinking they don't have to put any effort into their career.
Howard said this wife gets on TV and is flaunting the wealth. He said she has private jets, elaborate meals and all of that. He said you have to be a stone cold dick to steal from the people that this guy was stealing from.
Howard said you have to watch this special. He said Beverly Hills Housewives is the best. Robin said this cemented her opinion about the housewives people.
Howard said he loves it. He said he's not sure how anyone in this world is comfortable getting on TV and flaunting their wealth. He said there are homeless people out there. He said they have this one Housewife, Sutton, who has to be delusional. He said she doesn't look good. He said she buys outfits for ridiculous amounts of money and there's no reason why. He said it's not nice stuff. He said it's just expensive. He said there's no reason for it.
Robin said that she should never wear that stuff. She said they tell her she looks good. Howard said that's what they do on the show. He said he told Andy yesterday that it's the greatest franchise ever. He said it's really something. Howard said the whole thing is just so fucking weird.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about what he thinks about Lisa Rinna's daughter dating a 39 year old. He said that people tell him he shouldn't date someone so much younger than him. Howard said what drives him crazy is kids like that who see their mother on TV running around like a loon and they get the idea that if they can get on TV or Instagram that they don't have to work. He said there's no game plan in life. He said it's sad. He said she's a good looking girl and he knows Lisa but there's no game plan there. He said she could have education and a great career but the kids don't have a motivation. Robin said they prepare for nothing. Howard said she has to marry a rich guy because that's what you do.
JD said something about the daughter and Lisa visiting her at college. Howard said she had to drop out of college because she was so bored there.
The caller asked if a 39 year old can date a 20 year old appropriately. Howard said sure. Robin said it's legal. Howard said maybe she's in love with him. He said he doesn't know about that shit. The caller said he hopes his friends are listening to this. Howard said if she digs you then it's fine. He said he's married to a younger woman.
Howard said he's reading that Tom and Erika were sued in December over some case they won. Howard said this should be a good plot line on the show.
Howard said he doesn't know what JD was talking about before. JD said it's fine. He said he thought he had a point but he didn't. Howard did an impression of JD talking about whatever it was. He said that's what he heard. Howard asked JD what he said. JD said it sounded better in his head.
Robin said she wasn't sure if he was talking about a planter or a planner when he brought that up. JD said the daughter had demands for her dorm room and Lisa was sitting there thinking she raised a monster. He said that was basically it. He said it was stupid. Howard told JD to go back to doing whatever he does for him.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that her daughter turned her on to the Housewives shows. She said Erika was very nice to her at a book signing. Howard said of course she was nice. He said she has no reason not to be. He said she should get off that show. He said now is the time.
Mariann said that he's right about that Sutton too. She said that she'd bet her Gap jeans look better than her stuff. She said that she wants to know about what Jon Hein thinks about Jeopardy. Howard hung up on her.
Howard said it has to make you mental when you can't get money from a lawsuit and you see this woman buying crazy expensive outfits and stuff.
Howard said he remembers the origin story of Freddy Kruger and it started out like this lawyer Tom Girardi. He said that guy kind of looks like Freddy. He said just put the outfit and nails on and he'd look like him.
Howard said this Marjorie Taylor Greene isn't alone. He said someone voted for her. He said they see something in her. Robin said they're as stupid as she is.
Howard said he is a fan of the show. He said he's glad they put it out there. He said he watches with his wife and yells at the TV. Robin said none of them look good in the clothes they wear.
Howard said Andy Cohen is a genius. He said he has an eye for real pieces of shit. He said he has a great eye for that. Robin said he's a modern day Truman Capote. She said he told all of their secrets and how horrible they were. Howard said they must have a casting person to find these awful pieces of shit. He said they find someone who is a piece of shit and put them on TV. Howard said what a talent this guy has. He said he can identify pieces of shit and put them on TV and he'll watch it.
Howard said Andy Cohen called into the show yesterday and his baby was crying in the background. He said he thinks that's great. He said he just had to have a baby.
Howard said Andy was talking about how he wanted his studio if he never comes back. He said they talked about that yesterday. He read some feedback about Andy and what he was talking about yesterday. The fans were saying that they can't let Andy have that studio.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to find out what happened to him. He said he has been a fan since he was a kid but he just listened to the crap he was saying about Marjorie Taylor Greene. He said in the same breath he's saying that we should tattoo these people who don't get vaccinated. Howard said they should do that because they don't worry about this virus in this country. The caller said you can't force things on people. Howard said we shouldn't have to force it. He said that you should care about your country. The caller said Howard used to be Libertarian. Howard said he's more libertarian than this guy. He said that people can't get back to work because of this virus and people are refusing to get the vaccine to help. Howard asked if this guy has gotten the vaccine. The caller said he has not. Howard said he's a traitor. The caller said he's not a traitor. He said the health care workers aren't traitors.
Howard asked why the caller isn't getting the vaccine. The caller said he has health issues. He said he has an immune system problem. Howard said his brain is rejecting common sense. The caller asked what happened to ''My body, my choice.'' Robin said that was for abortion. Howard said he hopes or this guy that he dies in the hospital alone on a ventilator. He said he wants his last words to be ''I should have gotten the vaccine.'' The caller said he knows he's not that kind of guy. Howard said he is that kind of guy.
Howard said Robin has a compromised immune system and she got the vaccine. He said she's more immune compromised than this caller, Jim, is. He asked what problem this guy has. Jim said he's not going to say. Howard said what he has is mental illness. Howard said Robin had cancer. The caller said he's not anti-vaccine. He said his kids have gotten their vaccines. Robin asked how he took the other vaccines. The caller said he took them years ago.
The caller asked what the death rate is with this virus. Howard said millions of people have died around the world from it. Howard said he knows people who have died from it. He said he has at least 4 friends whose parents have died from it. He said we force vaccines on kids all the time. Jim said they're still taken voluntarily. Howard said his kids had to get them to go to school.
Howard asked Jim what he does for a living. He said he's spewing this stuff and doesn't know about it. Jim said he's a lawyer. Howard said he's not. Jim said he's not then. Jim said he is a lawyer. Howard said he knows who he is and he knows he's not a lawyer. Jim said he doesn't know him. Howard said he knows he's not a lawyer. He said if he is he's probably taking money from accident victims.
Howard asked why we don't have smallpox anymore. the caller said because of vaccines but they weren't MRNA vaccines. Howard said we got rid of it with a vaccine. He said that's all we need to know. Howard asked why we don't have Polio. Jim said he's agreeing that we have had vaccines that were effective. Robin said he didn't know how they were made either. Howard said half a million people have died from this COVID. He said you can say you don't know any of them but it happened. He said the same thing happened with the Holocaust. He said this guy won't take the vaccine to help us get past this.
Howard said he and Robin are working on a vaccine against stupidity and Jim is going to be the first one to take it. He let that guy go.
Howard said half a million people are dead from COVID. He said those people are dead from this virus. He said this guy won't take the vaccine. Robin said there are people who died and are missing from the Thanksgiving table. Howard said the guy made him nuts. Robin said that guy doesn't know anyone. Howard said it's so frustrating. He said he was watching the health care workers screaming about not having their freedom. He said they have it in this country. Robin said they can go home and find another way to make a living.
Howard said they hit 600,000 dead from COVID on Monday. He said way to stand up for your fellow Americans.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he understands what Howard is saying. He said by Howard spewing the political stuff he's alienating 50 percent of the people. Howard said he doesn't care. He said he knows he's right. The caller said that's his belief. The caller asked if he can ask one more question. Howard said he hasn't asked one yet. The caller said Howard is making it political. Howard said he isn't. He said he loves his country. The caller said he does too. He said he respects the country and has the flag tattooed on his body. Howard said he would bring him into the White House and have it lasered off his back if he were president.
The caller, Fred, asked how many people have passed away from the flu or had a cold. Howard asked what this has to do with the vaccine. The caller said it's a political scam. Howard said wake up Fred. He said he wants him out of this country. He asked Fred what he thinks is going to happen if he gets the vaccine. Fred said he's not afraid of that. He said it's a political scam. He said he watched his father have his lungs drained for Pneumonia. He said he watched his father in law put into a nursing home when he had the flu but they said it was COVID. Howard said he wants this guy on a ventilator dying alone in a hospital. He said rescind his subscription too.
Howard said he can't take this anymore. He said please stop calling. He said we have a real problem here. He went into a live commercial read.
Howard took a call from a guy who said these dudes who are anti-vaxxers just don't get it so let them die and just move on. He said you can't change their opinions. Howard said maybe that's what will happen. He said maybe the morons will die off when they don't take it. Howard said there are people dying off in India because they can't get the vaccine. He said we have a pandemic going on right now and this guy is telling him about his father. He said everyone is going to die so we get that.
Howard asked how it became a right wing anthem to be so anti-America. He said that he'd imagine that Ronald Reagan would have gotten everyone to take the vaccine. He said you used to rally around the flag. He said he wouldn't want to be part of a party that was anti-science and anti-vax. He said he's not a liberal. He said he's got some conservative views but when it comes to this vaccine he's for this country. He said he's standing up and taking the vaccine.
Howard said he we used to stand together but now it's all divided. He said they hate scientists. He said they hate Fauci. He said this guy could have made a fortune in private practice but he went into public service to try to help this country. He said that Fauci said he didn't know where this came from. He said they're politicizing it all.
Howard said that they say he's liberal because he took the vaccine. He said they say he's liberal because he wears a mask. The caller said you just can't fix stupid.
Howard said there's a survey that was done about why not to get the vaccine. He said one of the reasons is side effects. He said number 2 is waiting to see if they're safe. He said number 3 is waiting for people who need it more. He said there's plenty to go around now. Howard said number 4 is that they think there are tracking devices in the vaccine. He said that's ridiculous.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he didn't think COVID was real until he got it. He said that he still has symptoms from it. He said he got the vaccine and his wife got it. He said he'd recommend getting it.
Howard said he knows a guy who got COVID and he's having problems in his body that are still lingering. He said that it's in another part of the body. The caller said that if these people suffered from the symptoms of it then they would change their tune.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's had an immune suppressed disease since she was 4. She said that jerk off Jim is telling false information. She said that you have to check with your doctor first. She said that she got the vaccine and she's fine. She said he can shove that idea up his ass. Howard said this woman is immune supposed so of course she should get it. The caller said she checked in about the vaccine and they have been fine since she got it. She said that she's a nurse and it's still around.
Howard said one of his daughters is a nurse practitioner and what she's doing is amazing. He said you have to thank the health care workers out there. He said he sees these nurses out there and they sacrifice so much. He said science is the best thing this country has going for it. He said these morons sit there talking about this vaccine like imbeciles. He said they're know nothing light weights. He said that you can take your own penis and stick it in your own ass. He said you have to stop being stupid and read a book. He said read a newspaper. Robin said she hears some smart people being stupid. Howard said he knows. He said they have talked about this off the air.
Howard said these morons can't comprehend that this MRNA thing was started before this COVID came around. Robin said they were looking to create a vaccine quickly and they did. She said they have used MRNA in other ways too. Howard said god bless nurses and doctors. He said he knows a nurse who straddled a patient to help him out. He said that her name is Robin Quivers. He said she changed that man's life. He said that man was a young Joe Biden. Robin said he certainly knows how to make a woman feel good. Robin said he said that the Queen of England reminded him of his mother. Howard said that's the best. He said he watched his press conference and it was nice to see an adult making a speech.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he'll get to the 6 minute phony phone call. He said they have guest stars in it and all of that. He said Ice T is acting in this one. He said it's the real Ice T. He said it's not a bullshit thing. Howard said Ice T plays himself in the call. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and asked what happened to this band. Gary said they were on the show at one point. He said they did this song for Howard. Howard said he wishes he had been there. He said people ask him what his favorite moments were on the show and he can't remember any. He said he's not sure what happened. He said he vaguely remembers Ass Napkin Ed calling in.
Howard said he asked what the Seether is. He said this is interesting. He said the single came out before the album and the band asked them not to play it before the album came out because they didn't think that it was going to get album sales. Howard said the band broke up in 1998 and didn't get back together until 2014. He said he loves these bands that can't get along. He said Nina and Louise didn't speak from 98 to 2012.
Howard read about the band and how they should have come on the show to let him work it out for them. He said that they were on the 1997 Howard Stern Birthday Show. He asked who can forget that. He said he remembers it like it never happened. He said that song is off the album ''American Thighs.'' He said that comes from an AC/DC song.
Robin asked where he is on the hairy armpit. Howard said on a man it's good. He said he had to shave under his arms a little bit. He said that he thought he might have too much hair. He said he trimmed it down. He said that he didn't want to shave it all down because people might think he's transitioning. Robin said she's seen women showing arm pit hair like a badge of honor. Howard said he never liked it. He said he's out the door if he sees hair on a woman down there. Robin said Alyssa Milano is showing arm pit hair. Howard said they want to prove something but he's not sure what.
Howard asked why the hair under there stops growing. He said you'd think that it would just keep growing.
Howard took a call from a guy who called himself Dr. B. He said that he wanted to thank Howard for what he said about the vaccine. Dr. B said that these people think that it's a media hoax that Trump took the vaccine. He said now people are telling him that the vaccines are made for Jewish people but not white Americans. He said that everybody should listen to what Howard said. He said what he said is so true. He said people in India would sell their house to get the vaccine. He said please get vaccinated. He said people are traveling 4 hours to get a vaccine over there.
Howard said it's very upsetting to see the people of India suffering the way they are. He said they want the vaccine so badly and the idiots here are debating it. He said these people are calling up saying that they don't know anyone who died. Howard said Gary's father in law died from COVID. He said people say he died because he's old. Howard said old people want to live too.
The caller said that Howard and his wife should go to India before he dies. Howard said that won't happen. He thanked him for the call and let him go. Howard said he's anti-travel. He said he was way ahead of his time. Howard said he loves his country and doesn't want to see the rest of the world.
Howard said he used to go to summer camp and he loved it. He said he was out of that mad house he lived in where he was told he was a piece of shit every day. He said he got to escape for 6 weeks. He said he asked his parents not to come there. He said he was 8 years old and asked his parents not to visit. Robin said most kids want to be home. Howard said he needed a break from his parents and the psychological torture.
Howard said he cried when he went back home. He said most kids cry at camp but he cried when he went home. He said 10 months out of the year he cried and for 2 months he was liberated.
Howard said he would spend his night shivering in a bag in the rain and it was paradise compared to being home. He said his father would call him a moron and tell him he wasn't going to be anything. He said that's how you get the kids to leave home.
Howard took a call from Mike in Maine who said he saw a weird article about how they're going to have a scene where Batman goes down on Catwoman giving her oral sex. He asked what he thinks about that. Howard said he doesn't like it. He said it's outrageous. Mike said they showed Batman's cock in one comic not too long ago.
Howard said in the movies he likes reality with the super heroes. He said when he sees cartoon sex there's something so perverse about it. He said he doesn't even like nude paintings. He said he never likes that. He said it ruins painting for him. He said he doesn't like drawing the naked body. He said he doesn't want to see that in cartoons.
Howard said there's something pure about cartoons and he loves comic books. He said he would think about sex a lot as a kid and women were everything for him. He said that comic books would calm him down. He said Wonder Woman was there with 7 guys almost nude and no one was into her. Mike said there are so many creeps out there jerking off to Japanese cartoons and stuff. Howard said he doesn't like any of that either. He said when you hear guys talking about how sexy cartoon horses are it's very disturbing. He said it's like what you'd hear in an insane asylum. He said they have a convention for people who want to fuck a cartoon. He said he doesn't like that.
Mike said he thinks that's all weird too and people should be shamed for it. Howard said comic books were pure and he never questioned Bruce Wayne taking in this young man Robin. He said it wasn't sexualized. He said that he lived in his house like Bruce was his sugar daddy. He asked when you see a guy take in a boy like that. He said Liberace did that with Buber. He said he thinks he adopted him. He said he never questioned that in the comic books. He said he's against that whole thing in comics.
Howard asked Robin what they should do. Robin said they have been teasing the 6 minute call. She said the updates might be more timely. Robin said she's going with Ass Napkin Ed and Wendy. Howard said you have to choose just one. Robin said he really sold all three.
Howard said they'll get to Ass Napkin Ed first. He said a lot of people wrote in about Ed in the mail. He said they heard that he took heroin last week and he was detoxing from that and having a bad reaction. Howard read some feedback about that.
Howard said he was thinking about Ed and how he has the worms in his ass. He asked Robin if she thinks that he has real worms in there or is he imagining them. Robin said she thinks he's crazy. She said he's always been occupied with his ass. She said this is not new. Howard said in this update Wolfie called Ed and he told him about the worst case of diarrhea he had. He said this is going to be gross.
Howard played the clip and Ed told Wolfie about how he had diarrhea for 6 days. He said it was food and liquid. He said it was like what he ate that was coming out. Ed said he was shitting out steaks and filet mignon and t-bone and all of that. He said it must have been stored up in there. Wolfie asked if they were whole steaks. Ed claimed they were. He said he was looking for worms too.
Howard said he had whole steaks coming out of his ass. He said this gets worse in the next clip. He said most people who have this happen to them go to the bathroom and flush it. He said not Ed. He said Ed doesn't have a toilet. He said he shits in a bucket. He said everything he does is extra gross.
Howard played the next clip where Ed talked about how he shit in the bucket and the smell wasn't too great. He said he has a bedroom of his own and he tired to get it down the sink and clogged it up with that. He said he had to dissolve that stuff with acid.
Howard said imagine you rent out a room to this guy and this is what he's doing in your room. He said Ed feared that the building superintendent was going to kick him out so that's why he shoved it down the sink.
Howard said Wolfie asked if his Cameo business has gone up since he's been on the show a lot lately. In the clip Ed said that it's non-stop lately. He said he had 30 the other day. He said he charges $19 but Cameo takes a commission. He said he thinks that this might lead to a career in motivational speaking. He said he might have to raise his prices to $80 or more if High Pitch Erik is getting $75. He said Erik can go suck a dick.
Howard said Ed is the most disgusting of all. He said even when you talk to Mark the Bagger he's just leaving cum on his carpet. He played a song parody about how gross Ass Napkin Ed is.
Howard got Wolfie on and asked if his mom has gotten vaccinated yet. Wolfie said she has not. Howard asked what it's like when you have a mother like that who you're smarter than. Wolfie said that he learned when he was a teen that you might not want to take advice from her. He said that he did get good advice from her on certain things when he was growing up. He said he wouldn't have gone to college without his mom pushing him to go. He said he was the first one in the family to graduate.
Howard said they should get to this Wendy stuff. He asked if he was shocked about this. Wolfie said it was pretty shocking. Howard said they're sharing a van with two cats and a dog. He said that's what upset him the most. He said her cat named Robin managed to escape. He said if you take them away she gets new ones. Howard said Wendy's pets all escape. He said Wolfie asked what happened. Howard played the clip and Wendy said that they don't know how the cat, Robin, got out of the car. She said she came back after escaping. Wendy said they went away and came back and the cat was still there.
Howard asked what's going on there. He asked why they left to go to Georgia. Wolfie said they're searching for a new house and they take long road trips. He said they rotate where they stay. Wolfie said he researched this and found that Cracker Barrel and Walmart will let you camp in their lots. He said they think that Cracker Barrel is safer to stay in over night. He said they do find people looking in their windows in the middle of the night though.
Howard asked what Cracker Barrel is. Wolfie said it's a country themed restaurant.
Howard said Wolfie asked Wendy about the cat's litter box in the car. He played a clip and Wendy said she puts the cat on a leash outside. She said she has farted in her face in the car.
Wolfie said you can't get a cat to go on a leash. He said the cat has to have had accidents in the car. Robin said they have no place to go so it's not an ''accident.'' Howard said the accident is Wendy. He asked what they do about going to the bathroom. Wolfie said a lot of bathrooms aren't open 24/7 so they have to find a bathroom with a wheelchair stall. He said it's challenging. Howard asked if he asked the mom why she sold the house without a house to move into. Wolfie said they got a cash offer and they had to act quickly so they didn't have time to find a place to move into. Robin asked if they have heard of renting. Wolfie said he didn't ask.
Howard said Wendy talked about where she likes to eat and KFC is her favorite. Howard played a clip of Wendy talking about what she likes to eat there. She talked about the gas she gets from the food and how her cat has it too. She said the car smells like cat and Wendy gas. Wolfie said keep in mind that this is Florida in summer time.
Howard played a clip of Wendy talking about how she sleeps in the car and how uncomfortable it is. She said she's sweaty all the time and it's hot in the car. She said that she's not sure how she smells. She said she can't smell herself.
Howard said they have the car running every night to keep the air on. Robin asked if they shower. Wolfie said they get a hotel room like once a week and that's when the showering takes place. Howard said that Wendy pinches her butt in the car seat so that's why she let out a yell in one clip.
Howard said Wendy claims the life in a van is very boring and she spends most of the day sleeping. He said she can only listen to FM radio. He said she's very much into that right now. Howard said Wendy is shitting in a portable toilet in the parking lot. Wolfie said they open up the doors and Wendy gets on the toilet and shits in the parking lot. He said people have been driving by and taking pictures of her. Howard said that's not very nice. Wolfie said sometimes they wheel her into the woods and she shits there too. Robin asked how they know when Wendy is shitting. Wolfie said that you can't miss it. Howard said he would slow down and take a look if he was driving by that. Robin said she doesn't want to see that.
Wolfie said he has heard reports of people seeing her out there in parking lots. He said she just shows up and then she's gone. Howard said he's seen whale watching and they blow a horn when you see the whale. He said then you miss it and it's gone. Howard said he and Robin should go to Cracker Barrel and see if they can find Wendy shitting. He said Cracker Barrel should ring a dinner bell for Wendy when she's shitting.
Howard said if you made a ton of dough on the house then just go buy another house. Wolfie said they had some deal going but it would have been 30 days before they could move in and that fell apart. He said they're looking mostly in Georgia and Florida. Howard said that was some update. He said Wolfie must have been going nuts over that item. Wolfie said some days they don't answer the phone so he wonders if something went wrong. He said then they resurface.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's never heard anything so gross. He said this just grossed him out today. Howard said he and Robin are going to fly out to Cracker Barrel to see Wendy. He said that they're being nice letting them stay there in the parking lot. The caller asked if they shit on the ground or what. Wolfie said they have a portable toilet that has legs on it. The caller said that they must have to dump it somewhere. Robin said now he's making her sick.
Wolfie said that Wendy wears a diaper in the car and she has had some accidents in the car. Robin said then there's no way for her to clean it up. Howard said Wolfie should get a map of the United States and put up colored flags where Wendy shits. Wolfie said that would be a lot of flags.
Howard said Fred is going to ride his motorcycle to the Cracker Barrel to see Wendy on vacation. The caller said tell her to go to Mar-A-Lago. Howard said that's her hero. He said imagine you're out and you go for a hike and you see Wendy's doody out in the woods. Robin said that would be a High Register Sean kind of thing.
Wolfie said he just got a text that Wendy is awake so they can talk to her. Howard said he feels bad or her but they could rent a place or go to a hotel. He wondered how she's getting her check if she doesn't have an address. Wolfie said they have a PO Box. He said they have to go back to Florida once a week to check the box.
Howard said they have 60 Cracker Barrel locations in Florida. He said they don't have any in Alaska, Hawaii, Washington, Vermont and Wyoming. He said they can't travel there if they can't park.
Howard asked Wolfie what's going on. He said they're trying to call right now. Howard asked if he can hook up Ass Napkin Ed with Wendy to give her a motivational speech. Wolfie said for sure. Howard asked if he should wait longer or move on. Wolfie said he'll try to line it up.
Howard had Wendy on the line so he put her on the air and asked what's going on. She was calling from the van. Howard asked where they're off to. Wendy said they're going up and down trying to find a house to live in. Howard asked if shit took a shit this morning. She said she did in a storage unit. She said they did that in Georgia where they have their stuff stored. She said they set up their portable toilet there. She said she made a doody in there and they emptied it out in a hole they dug to bury it in. She said her mom helped her clean her butt. Howard asked how that went. She said it goes good.
Howard asked Wendy how they shower. Wendy said they stay in hotels for 2 nights and then they get back on the road to find a house. She said they're not happy doing this. She said they had a house but they backed out of the deal and ripped her off. She said that they had to move out and they can't find one now. Robin asked how they got ripped off. Wendy said they had a contract on a house and the lady backed out. She said her mom is waiting to get her $500 back. Howard said she was going to buy the house but the lady backed out. Wendy said that's right.
Howard asked if her mom has a shit shovel to dig the hole with. Wendy said she does. Howard said that must be some shovel. He asked how big it is. Wendy said it's like 10 feet big. Howard asked if her mom ever gets frustrated with her. Wendy said she does and she doesn't like wiping her. She said she can't see when she's wiping so her mom has to help her out.
Wolfie said he's heard that they have to dig some of the stuff out of her diaper. Wendy said she has to pull the doody out of her ass when it gets stuck. She said that it gets hard being in there. Howard said she still has to get it out with her hand. Wendy said yes. Howard said that has to be tough. He asked if she goes more than once a day. Wendy said she does. Howard asked how much of her day is spent with that doody. He asked if she makes 3 a day. Wendy's phone connection was getting bad and it sounded like an argument was going on before it cut out.
Howard said he loves talking about doody with Wendy. Robin said that she could be wasting 3 hours a day making doody and not going out to find houses during that time. Howard said it could be 7 doodies a day for all they know.
Howard said he's not sure if they have a folding shovel to dig those holes. He said that shovel could take up a lot of room in the van. Wolfie said he's visualizing the Beverly Hillbillies with stuff all over the car.
Howard said he's not sure what happened to Wendy there. Wolfie said the cell service there in a parking lot can be bad at times. Howard asked what happens with the brother and sister in law. Wolfie said they follow each other like a caravan. Howard said it's a good way to get in shape digging a hole to bury shit.
Howard said Wendy came back but they lost her again. He said he's dying to hear what's going on.
Wolfie said he was hoping they'd get to the part where Wendy talks about the people looking in the windows at night.
Howard said his grandfather was a coal miner. He said wiping Wendy's doody might be a tougher job. He said he was hoping they could get Wendy back on but she's not back yet.
Howard asked if you can get black lung from wiping someone's ass. Wolfie said maybe brown lung.
Howard got Wendy back on the line. He said thank god. He asked what happened with the phone. Wendy said they list internet signal. Howard asked where they get that. Wendy said they get it at Cracker Barrel. Howard said that's great that they can get that and park there. He said he's going to support them for that.
Howard asked Wendy about people staring at her in the parking lot. Wendy said they don't do that. Wolfie said she told him that they do stare at her feet when they see her there. Wendy said that was earlier in the day. He said that wasn't all day.
Howard asked Wendy about getting caught in the seat of the car. Wendy said that's true. She said it's very painful. Howard said he was thinking about this. He said why not just go in the diaper and then throw that out and clean her up. Wendy said that's what she's been doing. She said her mom cleans her up the next morning. Howard said she must smell. Wendy said yes. She said her mom cleans her up with baby wipes until they get into a hotel with a handicapped shower.
Howard asked if her mom is in really good shape from digging holes. Wendy said she is. Howard asked if she has ever dug up someone else's doody when she digs the hole. Wendy said she has. Howard said that's a lot of doody.
Howard asked Wendy if she's taking 4 hours a day making doody like she said. Wendy said they're all stressed out right now. She said she has to live in the car so they have to do everything in there. She said they have nothing else to do. She said she can't go anywhere. She said her mom makes her stay put in the car.
Robin asked if they have houses to look at today. Wendy said they're supposed to but her mom is going to set her up in a hotel room before that. Howard said why not shit in the peoples houses. Wendy said they may not want her to do that.
Howard asked Wendy if she has a bad day with doody that she must put her fingers in the cooler to get food. Wendy said she does that. Howard asked if her mom ever asks her not to do that. Wendy said yes she does. Howard asked if Wendy reaches in there to take doody out and some of it doesn't come out. Wendy said that's true. She said that she will eat after trying to dig it out. Robin said she must get that in her food. Wendy said she is correct. She said her mom has been recording what she does with her so they can see. Howard said that's what they've been waiting for to put on the app.
Howard took a call from a guy who said truck stops have showers and food so they can pay for a shower or they can ask another driver for a shower credit. He said they usually get free showers if they get 50 gallons of fuel so they have extra credits. Howard said that's really great of him to tell her that. Robin said they have to check that out. Wolfie said that those parking lots are more dangerous to stay in.
Howard asked Wendy if she ever dry heaves from the smell of her fingers. Wendy said she does. Howard said this is a crazy story. He said they sold their house and didn't have another one to move into.
Howard asked Wendy if she ever smells her fingers and vomits in the car. Wendy said yes she does. She said she vomits in the bag. Robin asked where the cat Robin is. Wendy said it's at a relative's house. She said that she loves her very much. She said the cat loves to play and she's an awesome cat. Howard said they should leave it at that.
Howard said he hopes they get a house soon. He said he's sending love to Wendy. Wendy said she loves him too. Howard said he hopes they find a house soon.
Howard took a Zoom call from fake Dan Rather who said he was outside of the Cracker Barrel where Wendy and her mother are. He described the scene as it appeared to him.
Howard said Dan is desperate or stories these days. He said he flew right out to find out what was going on with Wendy. Dan said that the cat is trying to claw at the window to free itself from its prison. He said they'll have updates every hour. He said the fecal steam is getting bad there so he has to step away.
Howard asked what was worse, this or covering Vietnam. Dan said he would rather be in Vietnam right now. Howard let Dan go after that.
Robin wondered if Cracker Barrel has more business thanks to Wendy. Howard said he's going to support them now that he knows all of this. He said they're letting them park in their lot. He said he wishes more people would be more welcoming to people like that.
Howard said he has to take a break. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and talked about how much he likes ZZ Top. He said he loves to watch the video of them on their show. He said they're so good. He said they're a great band and they're the longest running band to not have a change in their line up. He said it's been 40 years. Howard asked who inducted them into the hall of fame in 2004. Robin said she doesn't know. Howard said it was Keith Richards. He said those guys are perfect. He said Billy Gibbons first band was called Moving Sidewalk. He said he's a great guy. He said he dedicated a song to him and one to Robin when they were in the studio. He said they're a fun band to watch.
Robin asked where they came up with the beard idea. Howard said probably from David Letterman. He said they look cool. He said he's not sure how old they are but they look cool. He said Billy drinks beer through a straw to avoid getting suds in his beard.
Howard said Billy's dad was a big time musician. He said if his father was like that he wouldn't be here talking about Ass Napkin Ed. He said that he reads about how great painters got their inspiration from their father's. He said that he didn't have that in his life. He said what could have been... He said he could have been great.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik and said he heard that he's not returning calls and things. He said he's heard he's being difficult. Erik said he's not a pain in the ass. Howard said that's the word around there. He said that he's making money on Cameo and he forgot how he got famous. Erik said he has a busy life. Howard asked what he's busy with. Erik said Cameo and doctor appointments. hard said if he tells his audience not to go on Cameo that business will dry up. Erik said that's true.
Howard said Sal said that Erik told them that he was too busy to be interviewed by them. He said he's too busy for all of them. Erik said he doesn't like Wolfie. He said he's a dick. He said Wolfie came out to a show he did and Wolfie was a dick to him. He said he doesn't want to do anything with Wolfie. He said he'll do stuff with Sal though.
Erik said that Wolfie was too big of a bitch to come on stage at this show he did. He said he's sorry that he's been a problem lately. Howard asked Wolfie what's going on. Wolfie said Erik begged him to go to a football game the next day after that show. He said he was completely nice to him and he wasn't being a dick to him. Erik said he was too good to come up on stage that night. Wolfie said he's not an attention whore and he didn't think he should be on stage. He said it wasn't his event. Erik said it was Shuli's show. Wolfie said it wasn't his show so he didn't think he should.
Howard asked why he would go to a game with him. Erik didn't go he just begged Wolfie to go.
Gary said that it took four days and 30 emails to get Erik on the phone. He said that he said he was too busy to come on. He said that he said he would talk to Sal but he wasn't talking to Sal either.
Sal said that Erik eventually spoke to him and told him about Wolfie. Howard said Erik should know that not everyone wants to be on stage. Erik said he should go on stage if he works for the show. Howard said not everyone is a performer.
Sal said they worked things out and they got this bit they wanted Erik to do. He said he asked him to set up a date and Erik gave him a flat out no. He said he asked him to do a song parody and he said no to that. He said he had a great bit to do with High and Low Pitch Erik and he said no to that. He said he just refuses to do anything with him. Howard said Erik is silly. He said that if he's on the show that's what fuels people to use him on Cameo. He said he won't be living the high life anymore if he takes that away from him. Erik said he'll do stuff with Sal but not with Wolfie.
Howard asked Erik who hooked him up with Donnie Wahlberg. Erik said Howard did. Howard asked why people are paying to get messages from him on Cameo. Erik said that's because of Howard. Howard said he should blow Sal to get on a phony phone call. Erik said he and Sal do great phony phone calls. Howard said not lately. Sal said they have done a lot of classic calls together.
Howard said Wolfie didn't do anything horrible to Erik. He said he works for this show. Erik said he does work for Howard Stern. Howard said when you say fuck Wolfie who are you saying it to. Erik said not to Howard. Howard said Wolfie is him calling him. Erik said he doesn't like Wolfie. Robin said she thinks it has more to do with him not taking Erik to the game. Erik said he wants nothing to do with Wolfie at all.
Howard said if they call Erik he should just pick up the phone and do what they ask him to do. Howard said he has the President of Cameo on the phone. He picked up and Erik immediately asked what his name is. The fake caller said this is Steve Gallanis. Erik said he doesn't believe it. Howard said he's going to get him taken off Cameo. Steve said they're a little sick of him too. Erik said he doesn't believe this is really him. Howard let ''Steve'' go a short time later.
Howard said they don't have to threaten Erik. He said he has made his life better over the years. He said Erik wasn't even taking Chris Wilding's calls. Howard said you should just enjoy this stuff.
Chris got on and told Howard what Erik has been doing with him. He said that Erik has been bad mouthing him on DM and stuff. He said that he threatened to block him on all social media to keep him from seeing what he's doing. Howard asked what's going on with Erik. Erik said he was talking to Sal.
Gary said he found an old email where he asked him to talk to Sal and he said ''no thank you'' to that. Erik said that was an old email. He said he can do something with Sal this afternoon. Howard asked why he was saying no thank you. Erik said he was busy at the time.
The guys said that Erik is busy playing golf now too. Howard said he's letting Erik have this forum here today. Erik said he'll do something with Sal if he wants him to today. Howard said that's big of him. Erik said that Sal is a genius. Howard said his entire life is subsidized by his listeners. Erik said he's free after 1 this afternoon. Howard said Paul McCartney is easier to work with than Erik is. Erik said he has a Zoom call with a therapist today so he can't do anything until after 1.
Sal said Erik has a lot of anxiety after the death of Joey Boots. Howard said everyone misses Joey. He said that Erik is who he is because of this show. Robin said he doesn't care anymore. Chris said he's right.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said Erik is an idiot and he should be doing everything they ask him to do. Erik said he can't turn down his appointment with his therapist. Ralph also said that Wolfie should be the only one he can talk to on the show. Erik said he won't do that. He said he'll only work with Sal. Sal said he should say yes to him when he contacts him then. Chris said the thrill is gone with Erik. He said Cameo money went to his head.
Howard took a call from Ass Napkin Ed but no one could hear him. Howard said Ed says that he's going to overtake him on Cameo. Erik said he overtakes him now. He said he bumps up his prices for special occasions. Howard said he's going to start calling him Super Star Erik. He said Ed is hungry and he returns Wolfie's calls. He said that he's smart. He said he gets on the air more and more and he's able to raise his prices because he's coming on more and more. He said if he keeps working that he's going to overtake Erik on Cameo.
Erik said he has two procedures at the end of the month. He said he has to get a colonoscopy and a endoscopy. He said he's not thrilled about that.
Ass Napkin Ed finally got on and went off on Erik. He'd say something and then Erik would repeat it. Howard said Ed is smart because people are talking about him and Erik is busy out golfing. Ed said he's going over 100 with his prices. Erik said he raises his for special occasions. Ed said Erik is broke. Howard said people are going to want to get Cameos from Ed now. He said Erik doesn't realize that there are only a certain number of people who get Cameos. Ed said he's the most popular Wack Packer right now. Howard said he's right. He said Erik is busy playing golf.
Erik said that his friend Joey passed away from Heroin. He said Ed should take a lesson from that. Ed said maybe he doesn't do it anymore. Erik said he did it last week.
Howard said he's not sure whose empire is going to be big on Cameo. Ed said his will. Erik said his will be bigger. Erik said he's been on longer than him. Ed said he just got fired by the owner. Erik said he didn't get fired. He said he's been on longer than Ed. Ed said that has nothing to do with it. He said his prices are higher than his. Erik said he and Michael Rapaport are legends on Cameo. Howard said Erik is letting it go with this golfing and not taking their calls. He said it's ridiculous that he won't take Wolfie's calls because he didn't get on stage.
Erik said that Sal can call him today. Sal said he has been trying to get him on for months now. He said that timing is everything. Ed said Sal can call him and he'll do something. He said lets get rid of Erik. Erik said that he has Wolfie. Ed said Wolfie is cool too but he'll do something with Sal. Chris said he's easy to work with. Howard asked if Sal can come up with something for Ed to do. Sal said they can easily come up with something. He said they'll work on it after the show today. Sal asked if Ed is golfing today. Ed said he could if they want him to. Erik said he's available today after 12. Ed said he's there whenever they need him.
Howard said he used to watch the Phil Donahue show and he was the first one out there doing that kind of show. He said Oprah came around and took it over. He said she beat Phil Donahue and they forgot about Phil. He said we can call Ed Oprah. Sal said he's Ass Napkin Oprah.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said that Erik should be available to them all the time. He said he's willing to do anything they want him to. He said that he might be able to get on Cameo and become a millionaire in a few years. Erik said he's going to step up. Howard said if he's not available when they call then they'll call Ed.
Sal said that one perk Erik gets is personal DMs with Donnie. Howard said he should call Donnie and take that away. Ed said maybe put him in touch with Donnie. Howard said he could get Ed on Blue Bloods. Erik said that he'll step up and he'll do something with Sal today if he wants.
Howard asked what bits they had for Erik to do. Sal said that they wanted him to do High Pitch Erik and Low Pitch Erik. He said they wanted to do it right after he came out doing it. He said they wanted him to do a Kelly Clarkson bit with them and he turned that down. He said he turned down some song parodies too. Howard said great job Erik. He said Ed is going to be doing a lot of bits. Ed said he's more than willing to take over.
Erik kept saying that he's going to step up and do stuff. Howard said he used to hang outside the building there. He was always around. Now he's out golfing.
Howard took a call from fake Donnie Wahlberg who said they can't have him on Blue Bloods anymore. Erik said that's not Donnie. Howard said keep him on for now but there's a new guy in town called Ass Napkin Ed. He said he has ass worms. He said he shits in a bucket. Howard said say hi to Jenny for him.
Erik said once again that he's going to step up and work with Sal. Howard said it's not easy to set up a prank call and Erik says he's not free to do it. Sal said he just says ''no'' too. He said he doesn't have a good answer for why not. Howard said he'll figure out who to use if Erik isn't up for it.
Chris read a DM he got from Erik about how Howard wouldn't care if he didn't do any interviews with him. Erik said that was from last year. Chris said it was from February of this year. Erik said he was mad at him for the way he was treating Mariann. Erik asked if he can be nice to her. Chris said sure, he's over it. Howard said don't worry about Mariann. He said just stay in your lane.
Howard said we'll see if Erik steps up. He said that he has to talk to Wolfie too. He said he didn't do anything to him. Erik said he doesn't want to deal with Wolfie. Howard said he has to. Erik said he wants to deal with Sal. Howard said Wolfie has to make Ed and Wendy bigger stars than Erik. Wolfie said that's no problem. He said people will forget his name. Sal said that he has to respect Wolfie because he's part of the team. Erik said since Shuli left the show he doesn't want to do anything with Wolfie. Howard asked why he's punishing him over that. He said he thinks he's done with Erik. He said he has to apologize to Wolfie right now. He said this is bullshit. Ed said he wants an apology too.
Howard said Erik has some wacky logic that he shouldn't talk to Wolfie. He said he's a good guy. He said he's been good to him. Erik said no he hasn't. Howard said all he did was not go up on stage at an event he wasn't there to do. He said it's ridiculous what he's carrying on about.
Howard said that Wolfie is trying to make him famous. Erik said that he might have a higher IQ than Wolfie. Howard said Wolfie is a good guy. He said he did nothing to Erik. Robin said he didn't do what Erik told him to do. Erik said all he did was introduce him at the show. He said Wolfie didn't come on stage. Howard said he wasn't comfortable doing that. Wolfie said he didn't ask him to do that. Sal said that he put Wolfie on the spot. He said he should be mad at Erik. Wolfie said he put him in a bad spot.
Howard said it's all very silly. He said he did something to Wolfie and not the other way around. Howard said he talks to Wolfie if he tells him to. Wolfie said Howard gives him the air he breathes.
Chris said he has more texts from Erik. He read them to Howard. He said Erik said he was too busy to do interviews so talk to Ralph who isn't doing anything. Erik said that Ralph is never busy. Howard said they were calling Erik though. Wolfie said he's High Pitch Diva. Erik said he's sorry. Howard said he thought Erik was his guy. Erik said he is. He said he apologizes. Howard said lets put it in the past then.
Gary said he's looking through old emails. He said Erik asked if he can call the Michael Kay show. Howard said go ahead and do that. He said let Michael get him Cameos. Gary asked if he gets how odd it is to ask if he can call another show when he won't even call them back. Howard said have Michael Kay find his penis. He said he found it on his show. Erik said he'll do better for him.
Howard said just don't diss them. He said if he doesn't want to be on the show anymore that's fine. Erik said he will do better.
Howard took a call from fake Charlie Sheen who told Erik he quit 2 and a Half Men and he thought he was doing the right thing but everything dried up. He said be grateful for what you've got. He said never forget where you came from. Howard asked if he's still ''winning.'' Charlie said he's still working on it. He said don't let Ass Napkin Ed be his Ashton Kutcher. Erik said he won't. He apologized to Howard, Gary and Sal. Howard said and Wolfie. Erik didn't say Wolfie. He asked if he has to do stuff with him. Howard said he does. He said he has to like Wolfie. Erik said he doesn't like him. Howard said someone put something in his head that he doesn't like him. Howard asked why he doesn't like Wolfie. Erik said he's not too friendly to him. Howard said that's not true.
Howard said he knows why he doesn't like Wolfie. He said he got the whole story. He said he knows why. He said it has nothing to do with Wolfie. Erik said when he brought a friend of his to the show in Pennsylvania he was very rude to her. Wolfie said the story changed. Howard said he's lying. He said he's not a good liar. He said that's not even a true story. Erik said he's no friend of his. Howard said that he knows the story.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said there has to be a punishment for this. Howard said he's not going to do that. Ralph said that he has to. Howard said he's not going to take away Blue Bloods or anything. He said he's going to knock off the nonsense. Ralph said he has to deal with Wolfie at least. Howard said he will do that. He said Erik is not coming clean about Wolfie. He said he's not telling the truth about it. He said he knows the real reason why and it's a silly reason.
Howard said he has never been dissed by Wolfie ever. He said he's making that story up because there's a different reason. Howard said Wolfie is me, Chris is me and Sal is not me but he's still part of the show.
Howard said they always try to make Erik funny. He said that they want him to be successful on Cameo. He said this bullshit that he's too busy to talk to Sal or Wolfie is too much. He said they're trying to work over there.
Ralph said that Erik needs to be punished. He said he's a child and he has to be punished like a child. Howard let Ralph go after that. Howard said he'd like to see Ass Napkin Ed make more money than Erik. Chris said it will happen. Wolfie said he's easy to work with. Howard said Wolfie is going to make Erik look good. He said he will tell everyone what's really going on off the air.
Howard said he doesn't make Erik look bad. He said he takes the good tuff and puts it on the air. He said just talk to Wolfie and he'll be fine.
Sal said that they're a team there. He said they all sit down and put this stuff together. He said everyone is involved. He said he should respect that Wolfie is part of that. He said people are dying to be on the show and they turn them down. He said Erik is on the show because they want to work with him.
Howard took a call from Asian Pete who said he's ready to work. The guys were playing clips of Pete saying things that were unintelligible. Howard said he was saying that Erik has to talk to Wolfie. Howard said that's a true professional. Sal said it was clear and concise.
Howard took a call from fake Michael Kay (Sour Shoes) who said he's been trying to get Erik on the show for years. Sour was doing his impressions of everyone on that show.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Erik doesn't like change. She said he gets very sidetracked. She said he works very well with Sal. She said that she has advice for Wolfie who just called him a douche bag a few minutes ago. She said he has to treat Erik differently. Howard said stop it. He said Wolfie is very nice to him. Mariann said he should talk nicer to Erik and he'll get a better response. Howard said he'll be very nice to him. Wolfie said he would love to work with Erik. He said he'll be very nice about it. Chris read more of Erik's texts about how he doesn't want to be on the show. Erik said he has two procedures coming up. He said he's not happy about that. Erik told Ed to get vaccinated. Ed told him to take a golf club and shove it up his ass. Ed said he's just trying to change the subject. Howard said Erik is right though.
Howard said he's fine. Erik said he'll make himself available. Howard said it's smart for his Cameo business. He said he can do whatever he wants to do. Ed said he'd get vaccinated for Howard. Howard said that's great. Erik said he'll speak to Chris if Ed gets vaccinated. Erik said he'll speak to Chris and Wolfie then. Howard said that's great. He said he wishes him luck with his Cameo business.
Sal said Erik told him that he isn't into women at all now and he's only into Donnie. He said he's going to jerk off to the final episode of the show. Howard said he had him on for 3 hours and he didn't bring that up. Sal said he was waiting for an opening. Howard said he just hung up on the guy.
Howard asked if Sal is tanning again. Sal said he thought he had a headline there. Howard said it was going on for 7 hours. He asked how he can push him off a cliff. Sal said he had some information he was waiting to talk about. Howard said that's how he did his job as a stockbroker. Howard told the guys to get Erik back on the line.
Howard said Sal called him last night to say he had some great ideas for the Tom Arnold interview. He said he had to tell him that was last week. He said he's not sure why he had to step in here with Erik.
Howard said he hears that they're calling Erik and it's going to voicemail. Sal told Howard again what Erik told him about the Donnie thing. Howard said he's a dope for holding that until the end. He said what a dumb show they have. He said the whole show was ridiculous. Howard went off on Sal for holding that story. He asked when he was going to bring that up at 12. He said it's already 10:40 and they were supposed to be off the air and hour ago.
Hard said Erik messaged the phone screener about how he's on with his therapist now so he can't talk. Robin said they can get him back on at 1. Sal said they will follow up because this is big. Chris said yeah, we know.
Howard said Sal was eating an apple recently and he felt like he became in tune with it so he ate it with his eyes closed. Robin asked if he had COVID because he's sounding a little psychotic. Sal said he was eating it and he thought it was a gift from the universe and it tasted differently. He said we have to look at everything like a gift. Howard said maybe the apple is smarter than him and it should be eating him instead of the other way around. Howard told Sal to go to work. He said he's exhausted now and he has to go close his eyes and rest.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked him to punish Sal now too. Howard said sure he will. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:50am.
Howard started the show talking about what a catchy opening song he has. He said he's reading the appear so he'll be with everyone in about 15 minutes. He said everyone is into this move that Ronnie is making. He said his wife was up and talking about how today it was going to be 116 degrees in Vegas. He said then he went for a walk yesterday and asked Siri what the temperature in Vegas is going to be. He said it was like 113. He said a lot of fans are writing to him about how mean he's being to Ronnie. He said he's not really. He said he thinks Ronnie is going to miss snow. He said he keeps telling them to have fun with the snow in winter.
Howard said right now it's 4am in Vegas and 85 degrees. He said a lot of people like to get up at 2 in the morning to have fun outside. He said you sleep during the day.
Howard read some feedback he got about Ronnie where people were telling him to leave Ronnie alone. He said if he did that he'd have no show. He said everyone knows what to do with the show other than him. He said they tell him what he should and shouldn't be doing.
Howard read more feedback about Ronnie and people were asking what he's going to do out there and if he's going to be doing security. Howard said he thinks Ronnie is done. He said Ronnie is going to have a pool out there but he thinks he'll get sick of that quickly. He said Ronnie has sat by the pool before but there is no bikini contest going on at his new house. He said Ronnie keeps saying that's what he'll be doing out there but he will be hard boiled Ronnie.
Howard said they say that you should stay in an air conditioned room out there during this heat. He said they tell you to check on people you know to make sure they're okay. He said they tell you there's excessive heat in cars so you have to be careful. He said they ask you to check in on the elderly like Ronnie.
Howard read more about the shoveling snow stuff from the fans. Robin asked if they should give him one of those bracelets that lets you know if he falls down. Howard said maybe the should.
Howard read more comments about Ronnie and had one about how Ronnie has helped out someone with advice. Howard did his impression of Ronnie giving advice for sex stuff.
Howard said they were talking about Ronnie promoting stuff on Instagram and he denied it. He has audio of him doing a plug for Funky Buddha beer. Howard played that and Ronnie was talking about how heavy this stuff is and how good it is.
Howard said he's doing commercials for that beer. He said he even has music playing at the start of the video. Robin asked if he doesn't remember doing that. Howard said he doesn't know.
Howard said he loves Ronnie dearly. He said he's just concerned. He asked if he ever checks the weather out there. Ronnie said he talks to friends there. He said he's been there when it's that hot and he lived through it. He said he liked it. Howard said he likes 113 degree weather. Ronnie said he was also just thanking the beer company for the beer. Howard said he got a free product and did a plug for it. Ronnie said it wasn't a commercial. Robin said he should have just sent a note. Ronnie said he did that too. Howard said it's a commercial. Ronnie said it wasn't a commercial. He said he liked the beer and went on Instagram and did a thing for it. Howard said it was a commercial. Ronnie said to him it was just a thank you.
Howard asked where his thank you is. Ronnie said he thanks him all the time. Howard said that was a commercial he did. Ronnie kept saying it was just a thank you. Howard asked if it was a commercial what would he have done differently. Ronnie said he would have said go buy this product and tell people where it was. Howard said fair enough.
Howard said later in the show he'll be thanking Zip Recruiter. He said it's not a commercial. He said he's just thanking them. Ronnie asked if someone puts something up on Twitter and he retweets it is it a commercial. Howard said it depends on what it is. He said if there's no product endorsement then no. He said if he promotes a motor oil then it's a commercial. He said it's helping the company. He said it's officially if services are exchanged. He said there's a payment involved if someone gives you something.
Howard said he turns down free stuff from sponsors. He said that it's tempting to get free stuff but he doesn't want it because he can't criticize. He said that he has been offered a lot of free stuff but turned it down so he won't be doing a commercial for it. Ronnie said if he gets something he didn't ask for should he send it back. Howard said he doesn't have to do that. He said what they're doing is looking at him and calling him a dummy by sending him the free stuff and hoping he plugs it. He said they're using him as a puppet. Ronnie said he wasn't the only one who was doing that.
Howard said if you really want to thank them then just send a note. Ronnie said he did that too. Howard said he didn't have to do the ad for them. He said he's what they call a cheap date in the advertising business. Ronnie said he never asked anyone for anything. He said they just sent it to him. He said he doesn't get anything in return for plugging his helicopter business.
Ronnie puppet was plugging a bunch of stuff that he got for free. Howard said the reason that he's busting Ronnie's balls is because he's leaving. Ronnie said he's upset too. He said he's glad he's still going to be with the show. He said he'll still have a connection. He said it's the end of a life here. Howard said it's some crazy notion he has like doing commercials for this beer. He said he'll never admit that he's miserable there. Ronnie asked why he thinks he's going to be miserable. Howard said he makes a lot of bad decisions.
Ronnie said he's going to be on the show 3 days a week. He said he'll have things to do. He said he'll find things to do. He said he has cars to play with and things like that. He said they're real cars and not toys. He said if he doesn't want to do anything he doesn't have to. He said that's what's great.
Howard said Ronnie gets bored easily. He said he has no other interests. He said he thinks he's going to spend all day by the pool but he won't. He said he'll get tired of that. He said Ronnie went berserk during lockdown. He said he's going to move away and once it's back to normal things are going to change. He said he's going to regret moving. Ronnie said he can fly back to visit people if he gets that way. Howard said he gets going out there for a couple of weeks but not moving out there. Ronnie said there's nothing wrong with change.
Howard said he has the CEO of Funky Buddha Beer on the phone. He took the call from the fake guy and he was asking if he got the new flavor they sent him. Ronnie said ''Ha, ha, ha.'' Fake CEO told him he can talk about that one next week.
Howard said he has another beer review. He played a clip of Ronnie talking about this flavor of beer. He said it was like cocoa coconut.
Howard said that's that. He said he has been spending a lot of time thinking about Ronnie and he's upset about it. He said he checks in every day to see what the temperature is out there. He said he's not a young chicken anymore. He said he's going to be very hot out there. Ronnie said he'll be fine.
Howard said if Stephanie leaves him in the car he's dead meat. He said the heat will get him. He said it's unbelievable. He said he hates that he's leaving and he should have talked more about it with him. Ronnie said he did talk to him about it. Howard said he didn't think he was really going to do it.
Howard said he's going to miss Ronnie. Ronnie said he'll miss him too. Howard said he's leaving everyone. Ronnie said people do that all the time. He said people can come visit or he can visit them. Howard said no one wants to visit him when it's 113 degrees out there. He said he should start endorsing air conditioners.
Howard and Fred did their Ronnie impressions plugging beer and talking about the weather out in Vegas.
Howard asked when he's leaving. Ronnie said he doesn't know yet. He said somewhere between the 15th and 30th of July. Howard said that's when it's hottest there. Ronnie said he's been there in July and August. Howard asked where he's going to stay. Ronnie said he has a place to stay out there. He said the people want them out of this place. Howard said good luck. He said he's afraid he's going to dry up like a frog.
Robin asked if he's seen the house progress out there. Ronnie said he has a friend out there who sent pictures. He said he has real friends out there unlike they think he does. Howard said they're all going to miss him. He said they all love him and there are a lot of people upset about it. He said he knows the strip clubs are happy about it though. Ronnie said he has a friend who runs one out there. He said he's an old friend from the Scores days.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he used to live in Vegas. He said you have to invest in powder for your balls or he'll have trouble walking. Howard said he had that trouble yesterday when he was walking. He said that he's not sure what happened but he was sleeping and he was all irritated by his balls. He said he put a tissue down there to keep them separated. He said he slept like a baby after that.
The caller said that they're getting older so their balls are going to be sticking to their knees before you know it. He said you can't wear shorts out there. He said they'll be hanging out.
Howard said he was picturing Ronnie out by the pool and out of the bathing suit you see some balls and some hair. Ronnie said you won't see any hair. He said his balls are shaved, bro. He said that's why they don't stick. Howard said that's what his hobby is. He said he shaves his balls.
Howard said he'll be shaving balls out there in Vegas. Ronnie said that's what he does on Thursday. Howard did his impression of Ronnie writing in his journal about how hot it is out there and how he has to shave his balls.
Howard said he can't wait to hear what's going on out there in Vegas. He said he has to tell them if he thinks he made a mistake. Ronnie said don't worry about it.
Howard said he has it made there in New York. He said that he would go out with Jon and JD all the time. Ronnie said they can all come out and visit.
Howard said he has Vic Lagina on the phone. He said he's some porn guy. Ronnie said Richard and Sal did something with him. Howard got Vic on the phone and asked what his deal is. Vic said he was a porn director for 19 years. Howard said he could be on Celebrity Dating Game. He said he watched that last night. Robin said what tragedy that was. Howard said they'll talk about that later.
Vic said that he's being rough on Ronnie. He said he would take the heat over the cold any day. Howard said he knows Ronnie and he won't do well with it. Vic said it takes a year or two to get your legs out there. Howard said he may not have a year or two. Ronnie asked what he's talking about. Howard said if you check the actuarial tables he may not have that much time left.
Howard said his parents won't get any new devices. He said his father would really enjoy an iPad or a computer. He said he'd love to see the free porn out there. He said he used to give his dad porn. He said when they were at K-Rock he'd give him some of the free stuff they got there.
Howard said they had tons of porn there at K-Rock. He said they had a box for people to grab stuff for free. He said he took some for his dad. He said he put it in a brown paper bag. He said his generation knew that it was going to be something like porn in the bag. He said he gave his dad a bag and never spoke about it again. He said he just took it home and he never heard about it.
Howard said if his dad had the internet his mother would never see him again. He said that he has tried to show them how great it is but they never show any interest in it. Robin asked if he has showed him the porn. Howard said that would be weird. He said he can't do that.
Howard said it's a drag hearing your parents are getting older. He said they have issues and he's in charge of their lives now. He said he's sort of the parent. Robin said it's a full circle kind of thing. Howard said he's the parent in about 50 people's lives.
Howard said he's sorry to hear that. He said that he doesn't like to see people dying. He said especially nice people.
Howard said this Ricky Schroder is one of those guys. He said he's not sure what happens with some of these people who are child actors. He said Scott Baio too. He said he never watched Ricky Schroder on Silver Spoons but some people did. He said Ricky was attacking Dave Grohl for supporting the vaccine. He said he was putting up comments and pictures of Dave. He said he was trying to organize an anti-vaxxer protest against the band who were doing a warm up show. He said Ricky was upset that they had to show proof of vaccine to get into the show. Howard said Dave has a career going so he doesn't want to get sick.
Howard read what Ricky was writing about Dave and how he wanted to stop people from going to this show the band was doing. Howard said imagine being so passionate about being an idiot. He said he knows he's an idiot but he's careful about what he says. He said these guys don't know they're idiots. He said Ricky is encouraging idiots to go out and protest with other idiots.
Howard said now he's an even bigger Foo Fighters fan after that. He said there are a lot of 80s TV stars who are stupid. Robin said there's some people who are so stupid that they don't know they're stupid.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he thinks that the governments have under funded education because the chickens are coming home to roost. He said all of this anti-vax stuff is ridiculous. He said chemicals are in everything now but they blame it on vaccines. He said the world was saved from polio and things like that. He said that people are fucking retarded.
Howard said the education system here is fine. He said this has nothing to do with the schools. He said it's the citizens of this country who have become anti-education. He said they also only take the side of their kids. He said a teacher will send a note home about the kid not being a good student and the parent thinks the kid is perfect and they take the side of the kid. He said the school boards don't care anymore. He said his father went to the worst schools ever and he changed every month. He said he got a fabulous education because he cared. He said his parents wanted him to drop out but he stayed in school. He said it's all about caring. He said nobody gives two fucks now.
Howard said nobody cares. He said the parents have to be behind the kids caring about school. He said the priorities are whack. He said the caller is right about the chickens coming home to roost. He said it's also about education. He said there's no problem with the schools. He said you can learn something if you go to any school. He said he lived through it. He said he saw it happen.
Howard said he didn't get a good education but that was his own fault. The caller said he's hard on his kids and he's the first one on them but
Howard said Toobin returned to CNN last week as their chief legal analyst. Howard said they interviewed him and brought up the whole thing. Howard played some audio where Toobin was talking to this reporter about what he did. Howard said he always covers the camera on the device he's using. Robin said you don't want them to hear you either. Howard said no. Robin said you could do it on a break or something.
Howard played more audio of Toobin talking to the reporter about what happened and why he was let go. Howard said this interviewer was talking to Toobin in person and not over Zoom. He said Toobin was in a meeting for New Yorker Magazine when he was caught. Robin said there was nothing hot about it. Howard said maybe there was someone hot in the meeting.
Howard played more of the interview and Toobin talked about how he thought he had turned off the Zoom call. He said he admits it's deeply moronic and indefensible. Howard said it's not deeply moronic.
Robin asked if he sounds like he has to get it out right now. Howard said every guy has to do that. He said he was kind of dissatisfied with the interview. He said he wants to know what he was watching. Robins said she thinks that the meeting was still up. Howard said he must have brought up a web browser and didn't know the meeting was still going.
Howard said you're not used to people speaking about masturbation in that announcer voice. He said you realize that every guy is the same. He said he doesn't know more about this thing than he did before. He said this Alisyn should have asked more questions about what happened.
Howard said it would have been great if he had tried to suck his own dick or shoved something up his ass. He said that would have been great. Howard made up what Toobin could have talked about with Alisyn.
Howard said he would love to know what he was doing. He said guys always have rituals. He said you do things to set up and all of that. Robin said this seemed to be impromptu. She said you don't have your tissues during a meeting.
Howard made up more things that this guy could have done during the masturbation.
Howard said Toobin had to call his colleagues to apologize. He said this is the best part. He made up what the apology could have sounded like. Then he played a clip of Toobin talking to Alisyn about the apologies. He said he had spoken to some of them about it and they were shocked and appalled. He said he thinks they know it wasn't intended for them and he immediately regretted it. He said he started apologizing that day and he has kept going with that.
Howard said the guy is so well spoken about this. He said he's no low life. He said it's awesome. He said this guy must be so good at his job because they didn't cancel him. He said he was un-canceled. He said he must be that good.
Howard said he's happy for the guy getting his job back. He said everyone does it so don't get so upset about masturbation. He said that he got his second chance but if he does it again he might be out.
Howard said he wishes he was one of the people he had to apologize to. He made up what that might have sounded like. He had Toobin apologizing and the person he was apologizing to recording the conversation. He had Toobin asking if they had any feedback on his masturbation and talking about the weird stuff he was doing like putting a cigarette out on his penis. He was making all of that up.
Robin said there had to be men and women in the meeting. She said the guys probably all understood and laughed about it. She said then the women he had to be serious with. Howard made up more stuff that Toobin could have said to the people he was apologizing to.
Howard said if Toobin would like to do an interview there he's got a lot of disgusting questions for him. Howard said that's the story there. He said kudos to Alisyn Camerota. Howard made up more of the Toobin apologies and had him jerking off while he was doing that.
Howard was having a conversation with Robin as Toobin. He was jerking off the whole time. Howard had Toobin calling and asking people questions about his balls being too saggy and things like that.
Howard said they have real questions for him. He said they're not afraid to ask. He said he has a lot of people calling in about this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Pee Wee Herman was busted for masturbating in a theater. He said that shit was funny and he lost his show for quite a long time. Howard said there's a difference there. He said that he's a big Pee Wee fan. He said that he's not sure what that theater was. Robin said it was a porn theater. Howard said you're going to run into problems if you do that. He said he hosted a kid's show even though it was really for adults.
Howard said maybe he'll take a break here. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and talked about what a great song this Green Day song is. He said that Billy Joe told him about how he came up with that song. He said if he was in a band he'd have so many fucking pedals to hit. He said he loves seeing guitar players hitting the pedals. He said he'd have like 30.
Howard said he'd kill himself if he jerked off and someone saw him doing it. Robin asked if he has ever sat down with his computer for a meeting and without pants. Howard said no. He said he wears shorts and feels weird about that.
Howard said Brain Stew is about Methamphetamine. Robin said he describes it so well in the song. Howard said it's a perfect song.
Howard heard a knock at the door. It was fake George Takei who wanted to talk about James Corden. Fake George talked about how great he was in Cats. George sang a song for Howard and said he loves James. Howard said he appreciates when James comes on the show. He said they'll talk about late night TV and more. Robin asked if he's back in the studio. Howard said he is. He said he's back in the studio but no live audience yet.
Fake George asked if he can get him booked on Carpool Karaoke. Howard said he's not much of a singer. George said he sings in his play. Howard said no one knows about that play. George sang a bit for Howard and told Howard to sing along. Howard said no one knows that play. He said he has to tell him that he's not sure why his musical closed. He said he'll be sure to say hello to James for him.
Howard said Ned Beatty also died. He said that he was in ''Deliverance'' with Burt Reynolds and that made such an impression on him. He said that scene he was in was so disturbing. He said that these hillbillies tied Ned to a tree and fucked him in the ass and made him squeal like a pig. He said he thought he had to learn Karate after seeing that. He said he didn't want that happening to him.
Howard said Burt Reynolds shows up to kill those guys after they fucked Ned's character. He played some audio of the scene he was talking about.
Howard said what's really weird about that scene is that it turned Fred on when he went to see it with him. He said that Fred has to be really sick. Robin said you can never forget that scene. Howard said the hillbillies were really dirty. He said they looked like people you might encounter where Richard Christy grew up. Howard did his Richard impression and talked about those guys being his friends.
Robin said Ned was 83. Howard said Ned said that a lot of people would yell out ''squeal like a pig'' when he was out. He said he was proud and didn't bow his head when they would do that.
Howard said Benjy says he grew up in the place that the movie took place. He asked where that was. Benjy got on and cleared his throat and said he grew up in South Carolina. He said it was in northeast Georgia that the movie took place. He said he was in South Carolina but it was close to Georgia. Howard said he didn't grow up there then.
Benjy said the banjo guy was a real guy. Howard said he knew that story. He said Benjy grew up in the area where the movie was shot but he was in a different state. He said great story. Robin said he had no story there at all. He just grew up next to the state it took place in.
Howard said Richard must have known guys who fucked people in the woods. Richard said pretty close. He said he knew of a guy who grew up where he lived and this guy banged a sheep in front of some people after getting drunk. He said that's as close as he knows he's gotten to something like that.
Howard said he never understood going to a state fair. He said he went once because he thought they had women who would show everything in this tent. He said that he got together with some guys and went to this fair. He said they all worked together so they went to this Wayne's County Fair. He said it was] right over the border from New York in Pennsylvania. He said it was a lot of weird looking people. He said they had a freak show there and the main show was a sex show. He said they had a bunch of hillbilly types there. He said these women got up and they weren't all that attractive. He said no one had a flat belly there. He said all of a sudden they got naked. He said the guys were all hooting and hollering. He said this one girl took everything off and showed everything. He said she was spreading open her vagine. He said then she goes to the front of the stage and guys start licking her vagina. He said they gave her oral. Howard said he thought that was fucked up. He said they were all trading off. He said that had to be a nasty ass vagina.
Howard said he was with two black guys he worked with and they were from Florida. He said they were just nice guys. He said they saw what was going on and they didn't believe it. He said they ran to the front of the stage to lick her vagina. He said these white dudes freaked out. He said the striper told them to get the fuck out of there. He said his friends started laughing though. He said you didn't know what they were going to do but they were laughing. He said they left to get out of there and not deal with it.
Howard said he saw everything there. He said he saw racism and a woman's vagina getting eaten out in one moment.
Richard said he's never heard of something like that at a fair. Howard said it was at Wayne's County Fair. He said it was traumatic. He said that he just kind of left after that. He said there were some hard core racists there. He said they didn't want those black guys ruining that pussy for them.
Howard said he remembers that the stripper slapped the black guy. He said he put out his tongue and she slapped him in the face. Howard said that's when the trouble began. Howard said the world is so fucked up.
Howard said he's seen some nutty shit in his life. He said he hasn't thought of this stuff in years. He said that his friends lived in Dade County, Florida. He said he's not sure what happened to them.
Howard took a call from the woman who was in the tent that day. It was Chris doing is old porn lady impression. Howard spent a minute talking to her about that.
Howard said he has to take another break. He said he has one more death he has to mention. He said that Tim Stack let him know that Lisa Banes died. He said she was in Son of the Beach. He said she was walking in the city and she got hit by a vehicle and died from her injuries. He said they say she was hit by a motor scooter of some type. He said she hit hear head on the ground and died from a brain injury. He said Tim Stack is still living in Son of the Beach so when anything happens to an actor from the show he has to say something. He said he's thinking of doing a Son of the Beach reunion like the Friends reunion. He said they'll have to see what happens with that.
Howard said he has to take a break so he can talk to James Corden. He asked Siri what his net worth is. It came back with 12 million. Howard said he's kind of shocked by that. He said he thought it would be a lot more.
Howard said he really should do a Son of the Beach reunion and treat it like the Friends reunion. He said they can have everyone back who was in the show. He said they can bring back the guest stars and have Robin Thicke on since his father passed away. He said he can have Gilbert back as the rabbi. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and asked what happened to these guys. He said he thinks they came into the studio and did that song. Robin said that they were still together. Howard said it wasn't that long ago that they were there. Howard said he loves that song. He said he's not sure what other songs they've done. He said the music business is so weird.
Howard said James Corden is there. He said he's lost so much weight. James asked if he's talking to him. Howard said he looks like a new man. James said he lost about 35 pounds but he has a way to go. Howard said he loves weight loss TV shows. He said he's loving seeing Rebel Wilson's weight loses too. He said they say she lost about 50 stone. He said he's not sure how much that is. James said that's about 15 pounds a stone. Howard said he loves weight loss stories. He asked how he feels. James said he feels like he's getting better. He said he still has a way to go but he's really bad at it. He said there are so few hours in the day that are his own. He said he has 3 young kids and the show to do. He said he has an hour here and he's doing something that he hates. He said he should just be lying down.
Howard said James is working very hard. He said he's doing the Peter Rabbit movie and doing Broadway shows and all of this. He said he's right about the day. He said that he has his day fly by too. He said before he knows it he has to go to bed. He said he has to take a 45 minute walk and get with the weights and he despises it. He said he's absolutely right. James said he doesn't trust personal trainers either. He said he has gone through maybe 75 of them in his life. He said they don't want you to lose the weight too fast. He said they will start with your brain and they ask if you're ready to go. He said they say they're going to get you going and then they'll put an elastic band around your knee and have you do something simple. He said that's not going to burn 40 pounds. He said that's like a pound a week. He said they get paid by the hour so of course they don't want it to go fast.
Howard asked if he has bought new clothes. James said he has 3 sections in his closet. He said he's enjoying dipping into the good stuff but he still has a way to go. Howard said it's all about what you eat. He said you have to cut down on what you eat. James said he thinks dieting is wrong. He said the notion of going on a diet is wrong. He said that plants the seed that you're going to come off of it. He said you want to return to where you were some day. He said he has been on every diet in his life. He said he's done the whole thing. He said that this WW thing is working for him. He said that it removed the notion of him being on a diet. He said this is going to be the rest of his life. He said he can have bad days and get back to it.
James said that his hands will reach for food that he doesn't want. He said the best thing he could do is strap his hands to his body to stop them from reaching.
Howard said they used to sell a belt that they said would dissolve fat. He said his father sued to say that they should put it around their mouths and it would work. James said that his brain and body knows not to eat that piece of cake but his hands still reach for it.
Howard said he gets bored when he goes out and he ends up eating the bread on the table. He said of course he's going to do that because he's bored.
Howard asked James about going on Weight Watchers and if it's true that he has Oprah's number. James said he didn't know that he had her number. He said they did a talk about weight loss and the journey. James said that people will see him on TV tonight but they're not going to see this big weight loss. He said he's not The Rock over there. He said that he doesn't look good, he just looks better.
James said he and Oprah did this talk over Zoom for a live web chat thing for WW. He said that they were talking about this and Oprah called after. He said the number came up and he didn't think about it. He said he saved that number as Oprah thinking that it probably wasn't her number. He said then on the show one night they were talking about businesses they could start and their drummer asked if Oprah started a brand of O-Tels. He said they were joking around about that and they wondered how they could get to her. He said he said on the show that he had a number that might or might not be her. He said they called and she picked up. He said he thought this was the worst thing to do to her. He said she was pretty incredible. He said that she picked up that day and didn't know it was him until she picked up.
Howard said he'd have a lot of paranoia about making a call like that. James said thankfully she handled it well. He said that she sent a text saying that was hilarious so it turned out okay.
Howard said the weight loss is fantastic. He said keep up the work. James said it's a journey.
Howard said he had Ariana Grande on the show last night and she did a dance number with him. He asked if he feels funny contacting someone like her and asking her to do something like that. James said he doesn't feel funny. He said he doesn't make the ask. He said they have an idea and they contact her people and they get back to them saying that she loved the idea. He said she's one of the people who comes through for them and does stuff for them on the show. He said on the day they film he thanks someone like that through the whole day. He said it took 5 or 6 hours to do it so she was there for the whole thing. Howard said she has to learn the song and the moves. He said that's a big ask.
Hard asked if James finds in the ratings that it affects the ratings. James said he has no idea what the ratings are. He said they do get a lot in the YouTube views. He said they'll get a lot more in that. Howard asked why he doesn't look at the ratings. James said he can't adjust that so why bother. He said the show is on at 12:37 at night so he can't move that needle. He said that's almost impossible at that hour of night. He said all he can be in charge of is making as good a show as they can. He said he keeps track of how many countries the show is on in and YouTube numbers and stuff. He said the overnight ratings don't bother him. He said he can't control that stuff. He said he's never looked at it.
Howard said there's so much competition now and it's a game of who is going to be the guest that night. He said it's not just contingent on the host. He said it's about the guest. He said it has to be brutal for the bookers of those shows. James said he thinks Howard is right about that. He said there's too many shows and not enough people. Howard said now Ariana Grande will get calls asking why she didn't do other shows. He said the other shows start complaining about it.
James said there was a rule that shows won't follow guests. He said they made a rule up at the beginning that they'll follow anyone. He said some people only have so many stories and anecdotes. He said that if he wants to see Chris Pratt promoting his movie in Germany he can watch it on the internet. He said that they have to try to be as original as they can be.
Howard said James is back in the studio but no audience yet. He said that he would have thought that he'd say that it would be so liberating that he'd never want one again. He said he knows he loves the audience though. He said he hates it himself. James said it's not the worst thing ever. He said that he is relieved that through the whole election cycle they didn't have that. He said trying to talk about that in front of 200 people wouldn't have been fun. He said their audience is a lot of younger people. He said they have a lot of tourists and they don't know about all of that stuff. He said sometimes he'd tell jokes to people who had no idea about the story or what the joke was.
James said he did the show from his garage for a while and that was not fun. Howard said for him it's heaven. James said Howard may never go back to the studio. Howard said he loves the isolation. He said he understands. James said people want to see him though. Howard said they can see him. James said that his trips to New York are great when he gets to sit with Howard for an hour and a half. He said he knows that Howard may not want to do it but the guests really enjoy that time in his orbit. Howard said he will go back to the studio at some point. He said they're trying to figure it all out.
Howard said he was wondering how cooperative CBS was with him. He said that Seth Meyers said that NBC was so bad with him. He said they put time into Fallon and other shows but not his show. He said he had to set up his own stuff in his place. He asked if James had support. James said he couldn't have asked for more. He said the bosses he has are very supportive. He said that they haven't fallen down at all. He said they talk shit about them but it comes from a place of love. He said Stephen's show is on before theirs and they have 600 people there in the theater but they're still in the studio with no one there and masks on. He said they have a west coast CBS, Viacom thing. He said he quite enjoys that bit of fun they can have. He said they're sort of a juvenile younger brother who is having as much fun as they can.
Howard asked if he's getting sick of people who are so upset about the food they serve in this bit they do on his show. He said they feed people odd foods that they may not know about and people are upset that they're making fun of different ethnic foods. James said they just want to make a show about fun and joy. He said the next time they do that bit they'll do it differently. James' connection cut out. Howard said he hates when he loses a guest.
Howard said he's back. James' audio was still gone. Howard said it would be great if he started masturbating like Jeffrey Toobin.
Howard got James back but he was on the phone this time. James said he called on speaker phone. Howard said his Wi-Fi just dropped out. James said he thinks he can see him now. Howard said he sees him but can't hear him.
James said he was talking about something and wondered how much he heard. Howard asked if people are just being too sensitive about stuff. James said that's not for them to say. He said next time they do that bit they won't use any of those foods. He said their show is about joy and love so they don't want to upset anyone. He said they gave Anna Wintour a pizza covered in cheeseburgers. He said they don't want to upset people so they'll do it differently.
Howard said James had a hit TV show over in England and he went back recently to have a reunion. He asked if he pines away for the old days before all of the bullshit. He asked if he loves living there or does he miss home. He said that people were saying that he's British and shouldn't be hosting the Friends reunion. James said he just doesn't read any of that. He said what he can work out is that when you do a job like this you're either the best in the world or you're shit. He said neither of them are true. He said that's dangerous for you. He said all he's trying to do is provide a good life for his family. He said he's living a mad adventure in America. He said he's not sure how long he's going to live there. He said they have family far away and they do miss them. He said that's been hard. He said they do love what they're doing there though. He said they have to talk about educating their kids and things like that though.
Howard asked James about someone like Chrissy Teigen who is having a tough time right now. He asked how he'd handle it if she asked to come on the show. James said he doubts that it would be his show that she'd call for something like that. He said that they are the place you go after dinner or a show. He said that's what they have tried to create. He said if she wanted to come on and talk about things like that he thinks he'd be open to hearing all about it. He said he can't imagine that's where they would want her to appear. Howard said it's a tricky thing. James said they are all flawed. He said that's how he feels. He said there are slip ups behind and ahead of us. He said he's not sure what the story is with Chrissy. He said he doesn't read. He said he doesn't have any Twitter or Instagram on his phone. He said he feels like it's the most powerful thing in the world to have that phone in our pockets. He said that it should just be looked at in times of purpose. He said he's not sure what the story is there but he'd be open to hearing about it.
Howard asked if he really doesn't read the news. James said that he gets a spreadsheet of the news stories in the email from that day. He said he may go look at something on his phone if he has to. He said that it's more fun to think about something and try to remember it than Google it. He said it's a great use of your mind.
Howard said this is amazing to him. He said he's like an Amish guy. He said that he wants to live in simpler times. He said it's amazing because he's a curious guy and he wants to know what's going on. James said he will go and read the NY Times and things like that. He said you don't have to have it constantly coming at you.
James asked if he has seen the Bo Burnham special. Howard said he hasn't but he's heard about it. James said that he makes some great points about the internet. He said the internet is amazing but he's not sure we have to live in that all the time. He said we've all realized that human interaction and connection is what binds us all. He said you can have it all. He said if you can't go outside and be with people and form new friendships what's the point? Howard said he knows what he means. He said he thinks he needs to be with some people. He said his daughters are able to visit now and he feels that is necessary. He said that this vaccine is the best thing to happen. He asked how he feels about the people who won't take it. James said he actually does know about that. He said there are people in Britain who won't take it. He said he can't completely understand that. He said he's not sure how this has been politicized. He said wearing a mask is political now. He said he'll never get his head around that.
Howard asked if he is aware that Ben Affleck and J-Lo are back together. James said of course he is. Howard asked what he makes of that. He said he feels like it's a terrible idea. James said he thinks they have to do what their heart desires. He said he doesn't know. Howard said it didn't work the first time. James said his dad once said to him that a bad shoe always pinches. He said he told him that after he told him he was thinking of getting back together with an ex-girlfriend. He said you might try to fit the wrong size shoe and then they start to hurt you because they're the wrong size. He said then you put them in the closet and don't put them back on for a year. He said then you see them a year later and think they're the best. He said they feel great at first but then you realize that they don't fit when you're walking home in agony again.
Howard said his father sounds like a wise man. James said he is a wise man. Howard said the sense he gets from James is that he's a very evolved guy. He said he doesn't get angry about anything. He said James has admitted that he had a big head when he was in England and had that hit show. He said he went out to get lessons on how not to be an asshole. He asked how bad he was. James said it wasn't horrific. He said he was maybe 10 degrees out of where he was. He said that he broke up with a girlfriend and he got this show offer and he ran with it. He said he didn't know how long it was going to last so he had to go out and drink and staying in place he shouldn't have been staying. He said he was doing things that kids do when they go to university. He said it was a strange thing where people tell you that you're great and you think you're more of a dude than you really are. He said he was doing work that he didn't think was good enough. He said some friends asked what he was doing. He said he sat with a therapist for the first time and he can see the room now. He said he remembers him asking why he was there. He said he used to be a better man and he's not sure what happened. He said over the next months there was a change. He said he reset himself and reconnected with his family and friends. He said you get famous and you feel this feeling that some people must try to chase their whole life. He said he is a different person today.
Howard said he relates to that. He said fame was intoxicating to him. He said that he wasn't the belle of the ball. He said he was awkward and he had a lot of issues. He said he wasn't a ladies man and he became famous. He said he thought it was the greatest thing to happen to him. He said if he wasn't famous he may have had a miserable life. He said he craved attention and wanted to be accepted. He said he thinks a lot of people would benefit from going to therapy. James said he can't think of anyone who wouldn't benefit from talking to someone. He said things would come out in therapy that he didn't expect to come out. He said people evolve and change. He said what's the point of being the same person you were 10 years ago. He said you have to keep evolving and keep checking yourself.
Howard asked if he only did therapy for 6 weeks. James said it was longer than that but he felt a change after 6 weeks. He said he went for about a year. He said he still checks himself occasionally.
Howard said he's been in therapy for 25 years. He said he's in this thing trying to straighten himself out for 25 years. He said he wants to be cured. James said he doesn't think there is a cure.
James said he loves the experience of talking to Howard. He asked Robin how Howard has evolved over 10-15 years. He said the evolution is seismic to him. Robin said he's a completely different person than he was when she started working with him. Howard asked how that is. Robin said he's approachable and he has compassion for people and thinks about what he's doing now instead of acting and regretting it. She said he has regrets. She said he's reflective at this point and he appreciates things more than he ever has. She said he won't say he's happy but he does appreciate things more now. Howard said it has been a 25 year process. He said he's envious of people like James and Robin who can go for a year to therapy and be cured.
James said that his life is a sequence of thinking about what his life would be like if he does things. He said that he just keeps looking to the next thing. He said Jim Carrey said an amazing thing about fame. He said you have to construct a new version of yourself to get famous and then you have to either reveal to people who you really are or you will kill the person you actually are and maintain that construct forever. He said he thinks what Howard has done is asking people to accept who he is. He said Howard talks about that in his book. He said he talked about doing the big NBC show and all of that.
Howard asked where he heard that Jim Carrey story. James said it may have been in an article he read. He said he thinks he read it in a magazine on a plane. He said he could be wrong about that but he thinks that's true.
Howard asked what's going on with him and Prince Harry. He said that's his dear friend. He said that he's a guy he would hang out with. James said he's known him for a while. He said he hasn't hung out with him lately but he isn't too far. He said that he is quite profound when he talks about mental health and all of that. Howard said it's hard to do what he did with his family by waling away with his wife. He said that's a ballsy thing to do but it must be killing him inside. He said it can't be easy what he's going through. James said he can't imagine any of it's easy for him. He said he hasn't really spoken to him in any way. He said he knows that must be disappointing to him. Howard said he needs to talk to him about that.
Howard said Harry has to be tortured inside with everything he's gone through. James said he thinks there's so much attention on him and his family. He said to speak on such a thing he'd feel completely uneducated to do such a thing. He said the Harry stuff they did on his show is a great reflection on who he thinks he is.
Howard asked if he feels like Oprah was trying to steal his friendship with Harry. James said not at all.
Howard said he has this Peter Rabbit thing out now. He said that seems like a great job. James said it absolutely is a great job. Howard said it's not something that will piss anyone off. He said people got upset with him when he played a gay man in a movie. He asked what he feels about that. James said it's everyone's right to express how they feel about anything. He said he loved being a part of that film. He said there were some lovely things said about it. He said he will be grateful for being in a film about acceptance and love. He said it was a really special time and the message is great. He said it was a good time in his life filming it. Howard said he thinks that it's acting so if you play a character it doesn't matter if you're the person you're playing. James said that Howard is entitled to his opinion. He said that other people are entitled to theirs as well. He said he understands it. He said if we all look at things opinions are valid then we'd be better off. He said he hopes that your day is better off if you accept all of that. He said it's alright to have a difference of opinion. He said it's not okay if it's something that's causing hatred or cursing harm. He said that's disgusting and awful. He said his feeling is if someone feels something and they want to share it then that's great. He said he loves Howard for sharing how he feels.
Howard said he was offered a movie role before COVID and the character was gay. He said he turned it down for other reasons. He said that he didn't feel he wanted to act at that point. He said it never entered his mind that he couldn't play the part of a gay man. He said that never occurred to him. James said he spoke to the director of the movie and he guided him through it. He said they had an entire cast that was gay actors playing straight and straight actors playing gay roles. He said it's okay to voice your opinions about it either way.
Howard said he's writing a role for him now and he's wondering if he would take that role as a gay man. James said he would read it and think about it. He said he'd talk it over with him like he did with the director the last time.
Howard said he can't believe that no one has asked him to voice a cartoon. James said there's no way that he hasn't been asked. Howard said he actually has turned down roles. He said he turned down one that would shock the hell out of him. He said he can't tell him what it was though. He said it was weird but he was going to play a gay rabbit.
Howard said James plays the role of Peter Rabbit. He said that has to be fun. He said he doesn't have to get all dolled up for the role. He said it's a great thing to get into. He said that it could take off and he could be talking big bucks. James said they might be bucks to him but they'd be small bucks to Howard. He said he loves doing it. He said it's a dream. He said the film was directed by a great director and he would be in a room with him and he loved being in his orbit. He said that they recorded the film like 28-30 times over the course of it. Howard asked if he refused to audition for it. James said Will had seen him in a play and he had met him before the movie. He said he didn't have to audition.
Howard asked what his voice is as a rabbit. James said it's slightly higher register. He said that it's not too far off of his regular voice. Howard said there has to be great money in this. He said it's already making money so this is fantastic. James said it's doing very well. He said the first one did well too. He said it's great and he's proud that they waited for it to be in theaters. He said he has young kids and he loves movies where the kids are enjoying it and he's enjoying it at the same time for a different reason. He said he likes that about it.
Howard said he had young kids at one time and he wasn't able to let them listen to the radio show. He said James has young kids and they can enjoy this film. James said they couldn't care less. He said that a friend said to him that Tom Holland would be a great Peter Rabbit.
Howard asked James if they offered him a lot of money for this second film. James said he's British and he hates talking about money. He said it's very embarrassing. Howard said before he came on he asked Siri what his net worth is. He said it said he's worth $12 million. He said he was shocked by that. He said he has to be worth more than that. James said he wouldn't know. He said he really doesn't know. He asked if Howard knows what he's worth. Howard said to the penny. He said he checks it all. Howard asked if he trusts people to handle his money. James said he has a rough idea of what's coming in and going out. He said he never got into that. He said that he just wanted to be entertaining someone. Howard said he was the same way. He said he has to keep a lid on this and keep track of his money. James said next time he's on they'll have to get into it. Howard said he counts his money during each commercial break. James said he's like a guy looking at Crypto currency. Howard said he's going to call him off the air and find out what's going on there. James said he's sure his guidance would be beneficial.
Howard asked if he ever goes out to dinner with Harry Styles. James said he has. Howard asked who pays. James said they switch on and off.
Howard said he didn't know he cared that much about the Friends cast. He said there was a moment in the special where he asked if they're all in touch and Matthew Perry says that no one ever calls him. James said he's sure he was kidding about that. Howard said he's not sure about that. James said he thinks that he was joking. He said he's always joking. Howard said he thought he was being very real. He said no one was talking about Matthew. James said he got the feeling they're all very tight and they're in constant contact. He said he thinks that's a very tight 6. He said that he was very impressed with how they interact with each other.
Howard asked how he got that gig. He said that seems like a job he might not want to do. He said there's such an expectation there. James said he never saw it as an interview. He said he saw it as almost being a moderator. He said he was very surprised when they asked him to do it. He said he was just there to move the ball around. He said the show was about the six of them coming back to visit Friends. He said he was just there to usher things through.
Howard said it's smart of him to do things that way. He said he did it the right way. James said he didn't want to be the host of the show. He said he wasn't sure how much of the show that he was actually on.
Howard asked if he watched the show. James said he did. He said the show meant a lot to him so he wanted to see it. He said nostalgia is very powerful. He said that it's more powerful than anything brand new. He said to see that level of joy in the six of them was quite powerful.
Howard asked James if he's going to get back to Carpool Karaoke again. James said when they allow the to. He said he hopes to be able to do that by September or so. He said they have to find someone who would be willing to do it.
Howard asked James if he sensed that Britney Spears was crying for help when she did the show. James said she was great on the show. Howard asked if she asked him to help her get away from her father at all. James said not at all. He said he will say that his experience with her was great. Howard said he was a Free Britney guy so he was wondering if she did turn to him. James said that was like 4 years ago so maybe things weren't that bad.
Howard recapped some of the interview and went over the therapy that he got and said he was cured in 6 weeks. James said it was longer than that. Howard said he's having a great time and he's in this new Peter Rabbit movie. He asked what it costs to make something like that. James said he's not sure. He said he's not sure if it's more than $15 million.
Howard said he was watching the CNN show about late night shows and he thought he should have been in more of it. James said he hasn't seen it. Howard asked if there's some talk show he watches to get himself inspired or someone to confide in. James said that there's no one he'd turn to in terms of advice. He said that he's turned to someone about talk show advice is Kimmel. He said he is a real fan of his. He said that came out of an organic kind of conversation. He said he's the only person he's asked advice of. Howard asked if he was generous. James said Howard knows him so he knows he is. He said everyone is. He said he knows Howard wants there to be some competitive angst there but there is none. He said they're all supportive of each other. He said they all know what the job is like so they can relate. He said they've all been kind to him and he hopes they'd say the same about him.
Howard said he's friends with almost everyone in late night. He said he knows the real guys. He said he has heard them say a few things. He said he knows the truth.
Howard asked why he thinks Ellen is leaving the business. James said he thinks that she always knew she was going to end it after this contract. Howard said that they all say that. He said then they sign a new contract. James asked when Howard signed last. Howard said he signed one almost a year ago. He said it was during the pandemic. He said he kept saying he was done with this bullshit but he signed a new one for 5 years. James asked what it is that keeps him doing it. Howard said he's afraid to walk away from it. He said it's become such a part of his life that if he walked away he'd miss it too much. He said he got nervous and thought that he can't walk away from it. He said his therapist asked why he can't admit that he enjoys it. He said he must enjoy it. James said that's a profound thing. He said he understands what he's feeling. He said that he wants to do more and paint all day. He said that he might be only completely present here with the show for 3 hours a day. He said if you can be here and now then that's what you need. He said that next week might not even come. He said you have to be here and now. He said that you can be at peace with being successful. He said it's okay to do this for as long as he wants to do it. He said we're all in it with him.
Howard said it'll be interesting to see how long James does his show. He said he thinks that he's doing what he likes and he can do so many things on that show. He said it's a perfect gig for him. He said maybe just keep doing it until they tell you that you can't do it anymore. James said you have to be ready for that day. He said you have to be ready for the next adventure.
Howard said he has one last question. He said James has two people on but he can only have one on as a guest that night. He asked if it would be Beyonce or Taylor Swift. James said Taylor has been on before so he would have to pick Beyonce. He said she's never been on the show before.
Howard said he wants to hear about the stiffs on the show. He said he wants to know how has nothing to say on his show. He said he can't wait to have that discussion with him. James said it doesn't happen as much as it used to. He said people are more savvy than they used to be.
Howard asked if he would rather have Paris Hilton or a kangaroo on. James said he would pick Paris. Howard said he would too. Robin said she'd pick the kangaroo.
Howard asked if he would have Caitlyn Jenner on. James said he has before and he would again. Howard said he loves James. He said he's going to see Peter Rabbit. He said it looks good. He said there's no sex in it even though they're the most sexual animals. James said there are jokes that allude to it in the movie.
Howard gave James some plugs and wrapped up with him. He said Peter Rabbit is in theaters now. Howard asked if he would eat rabbit in a restaurant. James said he has tried it in the past but he wouldn't try it again. He said he's trying to carve the meat out of his diet the best he can. Howard asked if he would be on the side of Britain or on our side in a war. James said he would be on Britain's side. He said if you lived in London and came from America he'd be on America's side. James said that he's not sure he has to worry about a war between them so he's fine saying that. Howard said if there's a war he's going to have to come out there. James said if they need him in that war then we're all in trouble.
Howard let James go and wished him the best of luck. He asked if Robin can believe he'd be on Britain's side. Robin said that's hard to believe that he'd pick up arms against them. Howard said he can picture the headline in the Daily Mail ''James Corden Hates America.'' He said he's very enjoyable to talk to. Robin said he thinks about his answers.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks it's true that he doesn't know his net worth. Robin said she does.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that James got Howard to admit that he likes the audience. Howard said of course he does. He said that's no revelation. Mariann said some days he comes in and makes it sound like he doesn't. She said that he was cranky with her yesterday. Mariann said she appreciates it very much hearing that. Howard said he can't get a word in with her. He said he'd be a fool to say he doesn't feel a deep connection with the audience. He said sometimes when she's yapping away he feels like he has to jump out a window.
Howard said he doesn't like when people who are dopey call in and say they can't take the vaccine. He said meanwhile they're on heroin.
Howard talked about how angry he is a lot of the day thinking about people who won't get the vaccine. Robin said she's not good at that either. She said people are in a fantasy land where they don't even deal with facts. Howard said he can't stand hearing people make up stuff. He said they think magnets will attach to their heads because of the vaccine.
Howard said he would love to be Magneto. He said he was watching that X-Men movie last night where they killed Magneto's family. He went over the plot with Robin and talked about what a pussy this Magneto is in that movie. He said he doesn't even stick to his convictions.
Howard said he loves that guy who plays Magneto. Robin said that's Fassbender. She didn't remember his first name. Fred said it's Michael. Howard talked about some of the other characters in the X-Men.
Howard said lets pretend it's 2035 and he's calling Fred. Fred said he's busy, call back later. Howard said he just wants to say hello. Fred told him to call back next week. Howard said thinks a lot. He said things backfired. He said he will call Robin and Fred. He said he's not sure he'd even call Gary. Fred said Gary will call him. Howard said he really doesn't think he'd speak to Gary. He said he's not sure what they'd talk about. Gary said they can talk about what he's listening to or what he's watching. Howard said he's not talking about that now. He said maybe he would talk to him. He said he would take his call if he called. He said he can berate him over his new hobbies.
Howard said he guarantees that the cast of friends don't speak all the time. Robin said Jennifer and Courteney talk. Howard said he's not sure they're even that close. Gary said he thinks that the girls are friends but not with the guys so much. He said they might think they're gross. Howard said he thinks Jen, Courteney and Lisa talk. He said that he's not keeping tabs on other guys. Gary said all he does is keep tabs. He said he likes to know who is up to what. Howard said Robin can tell him. Robin said no one tells her any gossip. Howard said he fills her in on the gossip.
Howard said they should get out of there. Robin said you know Sal will always take his call. Howard said he can talk to him about eating an apple and connecting to the universe. He said that he'll call Stephanie and talk to her about missing Ronnie. He said he's going to get caught in that Las Vegas heat and melt on the sidewalk. Howard asked the guys to check the temperature out there in Vegas before they go. Fred said it's 93 and it's 8:09 in the morning there. Howard said he's worried about Ronnie. Robin said there's a drought there. Howard said he's worried for him. He said maybe he will call Ronnie when he's retired.
Howard ended the show a short time later around 11:10am.