For the week of 05/10/2021 to 05/14/2021

• Mother's Day, Saturday Night Live And More. 05/10/21. 7:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: An announcement about Seth Rogen being on the show today.

  Howard started the show talking about how he was going to call Robin over the weekend but time got away from him. He said he wanted to talk to her about a few things. He said it was just the usual gibberish though. Robin asked what made him so busy. Howard said he was just busy like she's busy. He said he was busy with the show and he had things going on. He said the Pandemic is loosening up so he was getting stuff done around the house. He said it was also Mother's day so he was talking to the kids. He said he talked to his mom.

  Robin said she just saw a whole thing about a woman who lost her job at 72 and the son's job was to bring joy into her life. He said they did road trips and she learned to hip hop dance and they jumped out of a plane together. She said they just knocked things off her bucket list. She said the mother said all she wanted to do was spend time with her son. Robin said she wondered if that's what every mom really wants.

  Howard said he used to give his mother stuff but he got yelled at for that. He said his daughter brought his mom some flowers and she was fine with that. He said when he gave them to her she had a problem with it. He said she complained about the bugs that came out of the flowers. He said he started sending chocolates and she complained about that too. He said he just sends a card now. Robin said she was wondering if he does that. Howard said he does. He did his impression of his mom thanking him for that.

  Howard said he called his mom and told her that he loves her and she's a terrific mom. He said he doesn't get heavy with it. He said he tells her that she's the best mom he could ask for. He said then she says she tried the best she could. He did his impression of her as he was telling Robin about what she said to him.

  Howard said his mom was asking about going to the psychiatrist. He said she wonders if she comes up. He said he tells her that she's the best mom he could have asked for. He said that he's just bullshitting her but he wanted to say something nice to her on Mother's day. He said he can't just say hello and hang up.

  Robin said Saturday Night Live can give you a complex. She said they had their mom's on. Howard said it was shocking how much some of them look like their mothers. He said at first he thought it was a joke. He said he thought Kate McKinnon was dressed up as her mom. He said then it was Aidy Bryant who looked like her mom. He said he doesn't know everyone's name on the show. He said he knows Pete, Colin and Michael Che. He said he knows Keenan too. He said he thought that some of the people looked exactly like their moms. He said he would made more of a joke out of it but it was interesting to see. Robin said they have done that the past few years. She said you look at Elon Musk's mom and you think she must be the best mom in the world. Howard said his mom looked really classy. Robin said she did. She said she looked like she was born in a manor. Howard said she looked like she was born in France. He said you could tell that she was put together and she was somebody.

  Howard said he didn't get to watch Saturday Night Live. He said he forgot to watch it on Sunday and he ended up watching American Idol instead. He said he did see the monologue that Elon Musk did. He said he read that the cast didn't want him on but he thinks it was Michael Che who said that he didn't know what was wrong with white people hating their billionaires. He said that black people love their billionaires. He said he started thinking about that and white people do hate people who are successful.

  Howard said he thinks there were a few things that Elon did that the cast didn't agree with. He said some of it was that he was against the mask thing when the pandemic started. Howard said he's not sure what it all was but he did watch the beginning of the show. He said he did see the monologue and he thought he was pretty good at that. He said he was pretty loose as a goose. Robin said he is loose as a goose. Howard said he didn't see him in a sketch yet but he thought the monologue was good.

  Robin said he's known for saying and doing crazy things. Howard asked what kind of name that ''Elon'' is. Robin said you have to look at his mother about that. Howard read some details about her and she was a model and she has two masters degrees. He said that she didn't look like a regular mom. He said any mom who modeled at 15 isn't a mom. He said his mom always reminded him that she looked like a ''real'' woman. Howard did his impression of her telling him that. He had her telling him that real women look like her and his sister.

  Howard said he was into Playboy so his mom made sure to tell him that real women don't look like that. She told him they were freaks in that magazine. Howard had her telling him what real breasts look like and that they have cellulite and all of that.

  Howard said his mom wanted him to know that real women are the norm. He said his mom had the biggest panties. He said he could have built a sail boat with them and escaped a deserted island with them. He went back into his impression of his mom and had her telling him that real women want to make you puke when you're with them.

  Howard said getting back to Saturday Night Live he's not sure what all of the hoopla was about. He said that usually you don't know what the hosts's politics are. Robin said he did point out that OJ was a host twice on the show.

• RIP Tawny Kitaen. 05/10/21. 7:15am
  Howard said he has something sort of OJ related. He said he got an email from Dan Forman who used to produce their channel 9 show. He said he let him know that Tawny Kitaen died at 59 years old. Howard said when they had their old TV show she would do the show. He said they didn't say what got her but he read that she had some substance abuse issues. He said that he has some facts about her to read. He said everyone knew her from the Whitesnake videos. He said she was in like 3 or 4 of them. He said she danced around in see through outfits. He said she was so beautiful and so sexy. He said she was something of a ballerina dancer as she was growing up. He said when you saw her on MTV you thought this is some woman. He said that her real name was Julie Kitaen. He said what a brilliant move to make it Tawny. He said he's not sure what kind of name that is. He said it was almost Tawny Kitten.

  Howard said Tawny was in a movie and then some TV shows. He said that she had studied ballet and gymnastics. He said when MTV hit she got in that video ''Here I GO Again'' and everyone remembered that video. He said you can't think about that song without thinking about her. He said at least he can't. He said Whitesnake put her in a few more videos after that. He said it was the same formula. He said David Coverdale would be there with bigger hair than Tawny and staring at her. He said what a fucking video. He said everyone said that they should be married and they tried it. He said that they got married and stayed married for 2 years. He said what a disaster that was. Robin said big hair isn't a reason to marry for. Howard said if they had kids they would have had great hair.

  Howard said Tawny was also in a Ratt video before the Whitesnake video. He said she dated the lead singer of Ratt too.

  Howard said he had Tawny on the show in the late 90s and then she wasn't on for a few years. He said she was co-hosting a show called America's Funniest People and ABC told her she couldn't do his show. Howard had a clip of Tawny telling him about this clause she had in her contract about not doing his show. Howard asked if you can imagine that. He said here have been a couple of people who did the show like Carmen Electra. He said she got a make up contract and he didn't see her for a while. He said it turned out she was also told not to do the show.

  Howard said that he saw Tawny at Donald Trump's wedding to Marla Maples. He said OJ Simpson was there and Tawny was there. He said he was standing there at the wedding and Gary reminded him of this. He said he mentioned that OJ was there at the wedding. He said he asked Tawny if he she knew him and she said no. Then OJ came over and grabbed Tawny and dipped her and started making out with her. He said it turned out they were there together. Gary said the rumor was that Nicole found a receipt for some jewelry that OJ may have bought for Tawny.

  Howard said Tawny eventually told him that she and OJ fooled around together. He said she also didn't believe that OJ did the murder thing. Howard had some audio of them talking about that on the show. Tawny told Howard that he never raised a hand to her.

  Howard said he cold have been in big trouble just talking to Tawny at the wedding. He said he could have mistaken that friendship for something other than that. He said it's a good thing he didn't get on his bad side.

  Howard said when Tawny was on the show in 2003 she was in the middle of a court battle with her husband Chuck Finley. He said here was talk about domestic violence and she went to jail. He said that she talked about all of this on the show. He had a clip of Tawny talking about Chuck. She told Howard about what happened in the car and how he grabbed her and pulled her leg and shook her around. She said she kicked him and that's what happened. She said the police came and arrested her instead of Chuck.

  Howard said in the court documents Chuck accused her of being suicidal and keeping knives under the bed. Howard had some audio of Tawny talking about what it was like being married to Chuck. She said it was the darkest thing for her. She said she went through a lot with him and she got hooked on Vikodin do deaden the pain.

  Howard said she looked so hot that day. He said he thought about how she wasn't getting satisfied. He said there's only one man who can make her feel beautiful. He said that was him. He said that he can make her feel beautiful. He said she may have been too open on that interview. He said that the judge made her apologize for the comments she made on the show.

  Howard said Tawny went on to do some celebrity reality shows. He said she was a sweet person. He said she was very open and very beautiful. He said she's dead at 59. He said he feels very sad for her after reading all of this stuff.

  Howard said the legend is that David Coverdale wanted another model to be in the video and they found Tawny and said she was the one instead of Claudia Shiffer.

  Robin asked where David Coverdale is. Howard said he read something that he said about her in the paper. He said David said all of the right things. He said that Jewish people love to point out that she was Jewish. He said they think all Jewish girls look like him so they love to point that out.

• Seth Rogen And Emily Blunt Previews. 05/10/21. 7:30am
  Howard said Seth Rogen is going to be on the show today. He said he wrote a book that he loves. He said it took 3 years to write it. He said it took 3 years because he wrote it himself. He said that they'll get to him in a couple of hours. He said he'll be half unconscious when they get to him. He said the book is very candid and open. He said he tells some stories in the book that are just fantastic. He said he's looking forward to talking to him.

  Howard said Emily Blunt will be on the show tomorrow. He said he watched the movie ''A Quiet Place II'' and he loved it. Robin said she had to go through so much to get to that movie that she feels like a criminal. She said they really don't trust her with that movie. Howard said it took like 45 minutes to get the movie to him. He said he has a problem with his equipment. He said he has a home theater and he turns it on and it doesn't work. Robin laughed. Howard said Beth laughs just like Robin. He said it cuts right through him. He said she knows how much he spent on this equipment. He said that he thinks he's going to see this movie and it shouldn't be this hard to see a movie like that. He said that they ended up watching the movie on a regular old TV. He said he wanted to see it in his home theater. He said it's all useless equipment in there.

  Robin said that she was brought a DVD so she could watch it but she was told she had to destroy it and take a picture of it and then send it back to them when she was done.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he's looking forward to Seth Rogen today. He said he just bought some of his weed. He said that it's pretty strong stuff. He said that he can smoke some on the air if he wants. Howard said go ahead. He said he'd like to hear it. The caller lit up and smoked some. Then he turned into Seth Rogen. His voice changed and he was laughing like Seth. Howard said that this is some weed to make him sound just like Seth. Howard said he just took a hit of some Pancake Ice and now he sounds like Seth. The caller, Jeff, said that he also has a beard and is wearing glasses just like him too. Howard said he sounds amazingly like Seth. He asked if this is a feature or a bug in the system. Jeff said he's getting a little bit paranoid. Howard said he should try writing a movie right now. His phone got cut of. Howard said he must be so high that they lost him.

  Howard said if Jeff is still listening, don't smoke Snoop Dogg's weed unless you want to be a rapper. Robin said that you wonder if you can write movies after smoking that weed.

• Chinese Rockets And Other Scary Things. 05/10/21. 7:40am
  Howard said that he was really bummed out over this Chinese rocket that crashed back to earth. He said there are so many satellites in space. He said he had no idea how many there were. Robin said this rocket was to get some stuff up there for their space station. Howard said they had no idea where this rocket was going to fall. He said they had no idea where it could land. He said it could have landed on land but it ended up going into the Indian ocean. Robin said they said it was like 3 tractor trailer's worth of weight coming back down. Howard said you think it's not that much but it was a lot. He said China insisted the risk was low but can we really trust the Chinese government?

  Howard read some details about the rocket and how it broke up as it reentered the atmosphere. He said it ended up crashing just east of the Maldives. He said he was really upset about this. He said if you send a rocket up there has to be some law about not having it crash into the earth. Robin said that they say this happens too much. Howard said he didn't want debris from a Chinese rocket landing on him. He said he can imagine dying from that. He said it turned out fine but that was just luck. He said they weren't sure where it was going to land.

  Robin said that the Russians and Chinse have better hackers than we do. She said that's what she's worried about. Howard said we have some but they may not be as good. Robin said they say what we're going to retaliate but she never hears about what that retaliation is.

  Howard said he read a story in the paper a few weeks back and it was in the NY Times. He said it will freak you out about the future. He said there are so many things that are going to affect the world. He said this is from the intelligence agencies. He said they knew COVID was coming so they know what's coming. Howard said every 4 years they put out global trends to see where the world is headed. He said in 2008 they warned that a global pandemic was coming. He said the Obama administration had planned for it but Trump's administration got rid of the plan. He said that's because Obama was into it. He said that's why he doesn't get why people think Trump's 4 years were so great. He said they had a plan to handle a pandemic and Trump got rid of it.

  Howard said they say the pandemic will reverberate for years. He said they say that the world in 2040 may be even more divided by then because of global warming and pandemic and more. Howard said they say that putting money into these agencies to avert disasters won't work because we're so divided. Howard said they say that people are gravitating to like minded groups and that will divide us even more. He said they say that governments are coming under more pressure and it's going to mean more political volatility. He said you may start your own government with your friends in the future.

  Howard read more of this article and said that experts in Washington are reading this and it looks so gloomy for the future. He said they also go into the environment and all of that. He read what they had to say about that and the lies that spread online. He said China is on the rise and it's such a horrible report. He said he's skipping pages of it but it was so bad. He said he got the shakes reading it.

  Robin said this is the worst case scenario. She said we could fix it if we could stop going down that path. Howard said you can't stop it because of the misinformation out there. Robin said people in Congress know the real deal. Howard said look at what they were doing to Liz Cheney. He said that it's all because she won't say that the election was unfair.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard has the cyber security thing wrong. He said there's public security and the government. He said there's also the internet of things that isn't securable. Howard asked if the talent is there to stop hackers or not. Robin said there's already a war going on there. The caller said that they've been struggling with talent for years. He said that some of these organizations are treated like a business. He said there are people being groomed to move into that talent. Howard asked who is grooming them. The caller said that there's a lot of intellectual property theft going on so that's a big problem. Howard said things are pretty bleak. Robin said President Biden started a fire storm when he said that he wanted to give away the rights for the vaccine and the companies are freaking out about that. Howard said that's fucked up.

  Howard said he might have to run for President with The Rock. Robin said she was talking to some friends of her's and they heard that Howard was giving advice to The Rock and Matthew McConaughey and they thought that he had really spoken to them. Howard said a bunch of articles came out about that discussion they had. He said that people didn't understand that he was just giving advice and the articles made it seem like he gave advice directly to them.

• Beth's Photo, The Pandemic And Some Calls. 05/10/21. 7:55am
  Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she was following all of this stuff and she ordered her Helen tote from Beth's Furry Friends. She mentioned this picture that Beth posted where she was in her bra and panties. Howard said he snapped a picture of her doing this with the kittens and he told her to put it out. He said that people think it's glamorous what she does but this is reality. He said she got kitten stuff on her clothes so she had to take her clothes off to handle it. He said it's her full time job to take care of these cats. He said that she put the photo out and she looked super fucking hot in her bra and panties. He said that she gets so full of kitten poop that she has to take her clothes off.

  Howard said that it was almost pornographic. He said he thinks that it may have been misinterpreted. He said it was a hot picture. Robin asked what this Helen Rose tote is. Howard said the tote is really cute and they have his painting of Helen on it. Howard said he has to break down what Mariann is talking about. Robin said she really didn't have any idea what it was.

  Howard said there was an article about this COVID and how it's on its way to being an endemic which is something that will never end. He said that this country has to get to 90 percent vaccinated to get us to herd immunity now. Howard said he's not sure what the fuck is wrong with people.

  Howard said you have to think about your fellow man and get the vaccine. Robin said she has friends who haven't been vaccinated yet and they want to hang out with her. Howard said he wants to know who her friends are. He said she has to find other friends. Robin said she has plenty who are vaccinated. She said she will hang out with those people but not the ones who are anti-vax. Howard asked why she's friends with them. He said they're idiots. Robin said this is just coming out now. She said COVID has shed the light on a lot of things. She said she's only seeing the friends who have been vaccinated. She said she won't see the non-vaccinated people.

  Howard said anyone who is anti-vax is pro-COVID. He said that they want Robin to die. Robin said that she saw a video of people who were convinced that vaccines were no good for people but they had friends who showed them that there was great evidence that they were good for you and they eventually got vaccinated.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he was on the first nuclear submarine and he wanted to let Howard know that he got COVID at Sturgis last year. He said his step father had Leukemia and stuff. He said he got the shot because of Howard. He said he's not a pussy so he got the shot. He said that he wants a patch that says he got it in 2021 because he had a patch saying that he isn't a pussy and went to Sturgis in 2020. Howard let him go a short time later.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he just got back from the hospital 2 and a half weeks ago. He said he had COVID. He said he had it for a couple of days at home and he didn't know what it was. He said he was in for 2 weeks and then his wife went in and she didn't make it home. He said that she passed on the 17th. Howard asked how old she was. The caller said she was 54. He said he's 55. He said they took all of the precautions. He said that he wasn't anti-vaccine but they were going out and stuff like that. He said they wore masks every time, everywhere. He said they were very careful but they still ended up with it. Howard said that's a terrible story.

  Howard said he sees that Robin's friends are calling in. He said it's just Wendy's voice saying no and yes to every question. Howard went into a live commercial read and went to break after that.

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• Howard Wonders ''What If'' About His Past. 05/10/21. 8:15am
  After the break they played a ''Hand job Connie'' story with Ronnie the Limo Driver and Sammy Hagar & The Circle covering ''Whole Lotta Love.''

  Howard came back and said he was listening to Leslie West trying to make himself sad listening to music. He said Beth walked in and said he was practically in tears. He said that he likes to feel sad listening to music. He said he likes to feel. He said Beth told him to stop playing the sad stuff. Howard said he was listening to Leslie and thinking about how all of that talent is gone now. He said he just felt sad. He said he was listening to a School of Fish song that destroyed him too. He said he doesn't even know what the song is about and it makes him cuckoo. He said he was thinking about his career and what could have happened if he didn't do things. He said he was thinking about the mistakes he could have made and he got all freaked out.

  Robin said that they kept going even after everything they went through. Howard said the stuff he was bumming about was before he even met Robin.

  Howard said the thing is that he was in college and got a job. He said he has told this before but this is what was freaking him out. He said he was in his senior year and walked into WNTN in Newton, Massachusetts. He said they were on from sunrise to sunset. He said that's because there are bigger signals that can come in at night. He said it's very complicated. He said this station was really cool. He said the DJs were able to play whatever they wanted. He said the General Manager was a kid who went to school at his college. He said that this is what he was obsessing over this weekend. He said there was no need for this station and they were on their last legs. He said this guy Wolf was hired there and he gave him a tape and the guy listened to it and hired him. He said he called his dad to help him get a car. He said he had a job in radio and his dad got him a car to help him out. He said the car was a Dodge Polaris that looked like a tank. He said that he gets the car used and he gets this job.

  Howard said his tape must have sounded good because of his edits. Howard said he got on the air and he was so bad. He said that he did another show the next day. He said he was there for 2 weeks and never got better. He said the guy looked at him and said he was fired and said he was terrible. He said the guy's last name was Wolf. He said he doesn't recall his first name. He said this guy was right about him being terrible. He said he wasn't able to get it together. He said it was worse than you can imagine. He said it was the worst radio show in the country. He said he's sure all of the other DJs were upset that they had to works with him. He said it must have been demeaning to them.

  Howard said he was told he was so bad and he wasn't going to pay him a dime. He said that the guy even asked what he's going to do about it if he doesn't pay him because he was so bad. Howard said Ted Utz gets to him and tells him about this group that writes each other because they worked at another station together. Howard said he got the shakes just thinking about it. He said he lost this job and then got hired at WRNW by some miracle. He said that he turned down that job. He said that he went back to the guy and said he made a terrible mistake and asked for another shot. He said look at all the mistakes he made. He said what if he had lost faith in himself. He said that he could have ruined everything. He said he started to panic thinking about what could have gone wrong. He said he didn't like thinking about all of this.

  Howard said he didn't want to talk about WRNW. He said that he's still torturing himself over this stuff. Robin said he is torturing himself. Howard said some of the people he hired at WRNW went on to do things. He said this guy Curtis K was one guy that he hired. He said he's dead now. He said this is all so horrible. He said that he remembers hiring that guy. He said he had a beautiful voice. He said he put him on the station. He said he was the worst Program Director. He said he needed the money though. He said he got $250 a week to be the Program Director.

  Howard said this guy Donald J Barnett was the guy who hired people and they went on to be successful. He said he would hire people and they did nothing. He said never be a Program Director. He said the industry has no respect for them. Howard said this station KROQ had a Program Director named Kevin Weatherly and they treated him like shit while he worked for them.

  Howard said he was the Program Director at this station and he was told to just play mellow rock. He said that sounded easy to him. He said any mellow song he'd just put on. Howard said what a nightmare that all was. He said that he had nothing else going on. He said this lovely guy Bill Nozzle was a lovely guy. He said radio is so horrible that they don't have money to pay people. He said none of these guys were getting paid well. He said that they'd get like $3 for a commercial read. He said they were going to bankrupt them with that kind of pay. He said they had to get out of that station. He said he had to move on to Hartford. He said Bill hired him there at WCCC. He said he left there dejected and he got a second chance there. He said he got $250 a week to be on radio 6 days a week.

  Howard said he's not sure if they picked the music there. Fred said they had a card system there. Howard said he was shaking thinking about all of this. He said what if he didn't get that job. He said it was such a nutty career. He said it was all so horrible. He said he got OCD from all of that. He said that it must have worked. He said the rituals must have made it happen for him. Robin asked if ever got to practice putting records on. Howard said he did that at the college radio station. He said he was still bad at it. He said his hands shook because he was so nervous. He said he was filled with angst. He said he doesn't like to think about the early days.

• Donnie Vie, New Phony Phone Call And Fan Feedback. 05/10/21. 8:35am
  Howard asked if Robin remembers him talking about Donnie Vie from Enuff Z'Nuff. Robin said yes. Howard said Donnie heard him talking about him and he's still singing and he sent along a version of ''Instant Karma'' for him. He said Donnie is still singing in a band and he has a great voice. Howard played the song for Robin. He said that Donnie said that they released a video for that song last year. He said he's doing well apparently.

  Robin said he should go on The Vice or something to get some recognition. Howard said that would be demeaning to him. He said it would be insulting. Robin said it might get his career going. Howard said he's got more talent than any of those people on The Voice. He said that he's not going to audition on the show. Robin said you have to do what you have to do. Howard said she's bullying Donnie. Robin said there's also America's Got Talent. Howard said oh my god. He said no offense to Howie and Heidi but don't do that show. He said Donnie doesn't need that. He said imagine Heidi Klum judging Donnie. He said she'd tell him he's too old. Howard went off on Simon Cowell while he was talking about that show.

  Howard said he loves phony phone calls. He said they were talking the other day about Colton from The Bachelor. He said the guys called a religious show and chopped up his voice. He said that they had him saying that COVID made him gay. He said they called this show and the religious show took the call and stuck with it. Howard played the call and the hosts took his call and when he said that he got COVID and now he's gay they were right there with him and seemed to believe it. They had Howard saying dirty stuff and one of the hosts kept telling him to shut up when he'd say something about gay stuff. Then they started speaking in tongues. They had Howard speaking in tongues too. Howard eventually became straight again. The hosts were crying and saying thank you Jesus a lot.

  Howard said what a journey. Robin asked if they were serious. Howard said he doesn't know. He said they must be. He said he loves that.

  Howard said so many people have written about what went on last week on the show. He read some feedback about George Takei and Brad being on the show.

  Howard had some feedback about George turning down some song parodies that they wanted him to do last week. He said some of the fans were upset by the news.

  Howard said they have some of the songs that George has done in the past. He had one song that he did with the Gay Men's Choir. Howard said he forgot about that one. He played the Christmas song and asked how he forgot that. Robin said she did too. Howard played ''Brad's Big Balls'' too.

  Howard said they heard from Fun George last week too. He had Fun George on the line to talk about last week. Fun George was talking about how he had a good time talking to No Fun George. He rang his bell to get Brad because he was slipping out of his chair again. Howard read some feedback about Fun George and had Fun George ringing his bell. Howard said it comes off at elitist to ring a bell. He said we don't do that anymore. Fun George said he has to take Brad out for his daily exercise. Howard said his Brad doesn't seem to respond to his bell. Fun George said that he might have it out of tune.

  Howard said he liked how Brad was annoyed with Fun George and said he didn't even know if the real George was circumcised or not.

  Howard read more feedback about Fun George and how great he was. Fun George talked about how much he loves his Brad and asked him to come blow him now. Howard said he knows how much he loves his nipples being manipulated and all of that. Fun George said ''Tickle my tits'' and demanded that Brad come in again. He kept ringing the bell but there was no Brad.

  Howard asked Fun George if he has a message he wants to get out there. Fun George said that he thinks he should sing some song parodies about sex. He sang one about cumming on his sweet bunghole.

  Howard said during the recording session they had with real George he got upset with Brad over the way he rang the bell. He played the clip and George didn't like the way he rang the bell. He told Brad ''No!'' when he rang it. They had to do a take over again because of the bell ring. Howard asked Fun George to show them how to ring it the right way and the wrong way. Fun George showed them the right way by ringing it loud and hard to get Brad to respond. Howard let Fun George go a short time later.

  Howard said the listeners were turned off by Ass Napkin Ed. He read some feedback about Ed. Howard said people are fascinated by his health issues. He read some of that and said that Wolfie found out that Ed has a medical condition that makes him need to take a lot of naps. He said he has Necrophilia. Wolfie asked what the cure is for that. Ed said he doesn't really know. He said they don't give him anything for that. He started moaning and it sounded like he was about to fall asleep. Howard said the name is actually Narcolepsy. Robin said he doesn't even have that. She said he's just a drunk.

  Howard said he loves having Seth on the show and he wants to get to him. They had to take a break first.

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• Seth Rogen Visits. 05/10/21. 9:05am
  After the break they played a phony phone call Richard made to a pizzeria with Sal as an auctioneer placing the order. They also played a Beetlejuice song parody, Joe Buck doing play by play on JD eating breakfast, George Takei giving advice on social distancing and more.

  Howard came back and said that Seth Rogen's book is worth getting. He said the book is out now and it's called Yearbook. He said he read it in 2 days and he felt like he was hanging out with Seth when he read it. He said he did a great job. Seth said that's what he was trying to do with the book. He said he just wanted it to sound like he was hanging out and telling stories.

  Howard asked if he had help writing it or did he do it himself. Seth said he did it himself. He said he didn't know he could have help. Howard said he has written some books and he knows how difficult it is. He said it's like torture. He said you read and re-read and then re-write. He said it must have been hard. Seth said the book is about a year and a half late. He said he remembers being on vacation like 2 years ago on New Years and he was trying to write it and he was imagining the worst things that people would say about you. He said that he re-writes trying to circumvent that. He said it took forever. He said when Quarantine hit he finally had 3 months to finish it. He said it was March, April, May and June that he finished it up.

  Howard said he remembers the publisher telling him to take as much time as you need but then they start putting pressure on you. He said he didn't think his book was ready yet and you feel like you're disappointing everyone. Seth said he feels bad about missing deadlines by massive amounts of time. Howard said they do pay you an advance. He said they want you to get it done. He said you want to but there is a process. Seth said they paid him to write a good book, not a fast book. He said he just wanted it to be good. He said with their movies there's more infrastructure. He said you have to get people on board with your ideas. He said with the book he was just upsetting one man instead of a whole group of people like you do when a movie is delayed.

  Howard said he loved the story about how difficult that whole movie thing was with Sony and the Kim Jong Un thing. He said they wanted to blow up his head but they wanted to just put a fire effect in front of him. He said that was the big finale of the movie. He said it was funny and they were able to get it in there. He said he made it very clear that they had worked so hard on the movie and everyone was so cowardly about it. He said it comes across in the book.

  Seth said it doesn't happen a ton. He said they make movies for a smaller amount of money so they can do things more creatively. He said that it can bother him when that happens. He said people fuck with their shit for no good reason and that's what's upsetting. He said that work represents them and their sensibilities. He said you want to do something in a certain way and then they change it and it becomes distressing when they want to do that. He said they hired you to do something in a certain way and then they change it. He said there were a lot of changes to that movie. He said it was really strange.

  Howard said he wrote about that so well. He said he wrote about the FCC and how they were ruining his show. He said you don't want people to think you're lame. Seth said ending that movie with a flaming head was not the way people would have wanted it to end. He said they'd think that was the way he was thinking and it's not.

  Howard said when that movie came out the movie studio wanted him to go out and lie about the movie and he saw his name in the book as one of the interviews that he was going to have to do. He said that they wanted him to go out and say things about the movie that just wasn't true. Seth said that they wanted him to say that it was his choice to change the movie. He said it's a fucked up thing to ask someone and he didn't do it. He said he said yes at first but then he changed his mind while he was on MDMA. He said that he went in the next morning and talked to the head of Sony about how he won't lie about the movie. He said they finally caved on that one.

  Howard said he's amazed by so many things that he has made decisions on while he's been high. He said that he's surprised by his honesty. He said that he names people in the book. He asked if he was nervous writing it. He said he thinks that about 10 people are going to dislike him over this book. He said he loves that he didn't censor himself. He said some of the stories make people look really stupid. Seth said he's not sure but he thought it makes people look dumb but he looks dumb a lot too. He said there are some people he goes harder at. He said that he's thinking about it damaging their career. He said that he doesn't care if people don't like him. He said that's okay with him. He said he sees these people very rarely. He said that he may never see them again.

  Howard asked if he gets nervous that he might run into Nicolas Cage in a restaurant some day. Seth said he's not sure how these people will absorb this stuff. Howard said it's such a great story. He said he has met Nicolas Cage. He said he's very eccentric. He said he is a great actor though. Seth said he wanted him to be in The Green Hornet movie. Howard said he wanted him in the movie and he has so many great stories about that movie. He said Nicolas did this audition for the movie and he didn't think it was good for the movie. Seth said there's a lot of Nicolas Cages in movies. He said there's great ones and not so great ones. He said the dude takes big swings. He said that they heard that he wanted to have hair tattooed on his head and big lips. He said then they heard he didn't want to do the hair thing for the movie because he wanted to do it in real life. He said he burst out laughing when they heard that but then he realized it was real. He said then they heard that he wanted to play a white Jamaican guy character. He said that set off a lot of alarms for them. He said they were thinking that it might be a world of trouble that they didn't want to get involved with. Seth said they had a meeting about it and they ended up going to his house and having a meeting where he went into this whole thing in character and none of it had to do with the script at all. He said he did this whole thing and landed it like he did a back flip. He said everyone looked to him to see what the reaction should be. He said he was so uncomfortable that he just didn't know what to say. He said he just thanked him and said that's not how they pictured the character. He said Nicolas got instantly sullen. He said that they all sat down for dinner and Nic got up and left. He said he said he had to go do something and just left. He said it was kind of like a brisk wave and a walk out the door. Seth said now he looks back on it and think maybe they should have just gone for it.

  Howard said he makes a great observation in his book. He said he wrote it down and underlined it in the book. He said he was talking about the craziness in Hollywood and how musicians are even crazier. He said that's a brilliant observation. Howard said Seth says that actors set up this whole world and they have to interact with the movie crew and all of that. He said musicians can set up their own universe and they're even wackier than actors. He said he's 100 percent right. He said there's no reality to a musician's life. Seth said he must see it in the studio when they come in. He said that the staff must see it behind the scenes. Seth said that when you act you have to be in a scene with someone for hours a day. He said a musician never has to be in that situation. He said being in a car with James Corden is the most normal thing they have to do.

  Howard said you read about the life of someone like Prince who had these bizarre eating habits. He said he would eat dinner at 5 in the morning and show up in purple robes and high heels on. He said that was treated like normal. Seth said he'd get rid of people if they didn't agree with him.

  Howard said Seth said that he was at the Grammys and he saw how strange it can be. Seth said he has been at the Oscar's and all of that. He said that going to the Grammys was much different. He said when you see what goes on there compared to the Oscars it's shocking.

  Howard said he has had it happen to him back stage so he knows what it can be like. He said Seth talked about seeing Beyonce back stage and he went to talk to her. He said the bodyguard came up to him and put his arm out to keep him away from her. He said that's humiliating. Seth said he was drinking a screwdriver and he dumped it all over himself when the bodyguard came over. He said then a PA came over and told him he had to go on stage. He said he had to position his arms to cover up the stain. He said he found a picture of himself presenting and his arms are in an awkward position. He said that the same thing happened worth him and Lil Wayne at the MTV awards. He said he went over to say hi and he was kept away from him. He said this giant man kept him from going anywhere near him. Howard said this is a bizarro world. He said they get away with all of that.

  Howard said Seth brings up his Jewishness in the book and it's in a very casual manner. He said he writes about it so well. He said he brings up Bob Dylan and James Caan in the book. Seth said that Bob is a rock star Jew so that's not a regular thing. He said that there's literally only 2 in history.

  Howard said he talks about summer camp in the book too. He said he talks about how Jews love to put their kids in places where they can mate with other Jews. Seth said that they don't care where it is either. He said as long as they're Jewish they're fine with it. Seth said he went to summer camp and they got lost and almost died. Howard said he loved that story. He said he was a camp counselor and he was in charge of kids who were close to his age. Seth said there are some 15 year olds who are more mature than some 18 year olds.

  Howard said Seth talks about running into Eddie Griffin in an elevator. He said he's not very complimentary about his comedy in the book. He said he bashes him pretty good. Seth said that he did scream an anti-Semitic tirade against him so that can sway the way you feel. Howard said he doesn't think Eddie would think that he's anti-Semitic.

  Howard said Seth talks about that in the book. Seth said that they were in Las Vegas for a hotel opening. He said they were in the elevator with Eddie and Eddie said that they won't make any of his movies but they will make his movies because he's Jewish. He said he went on a Hollywood Jew run. Howard said he even told him to ask some of his Jew friends to make his movie. Seth said that he looks back and those are the words that ring in his ears. He said it was a fucked up story. He said his wife was there and she's also Jewish. Howard said it's fucked up. He said Eddie thinks that he's just as funny as Seth so he should have his movies made. Howard said Seth worked hard to get where he is though.

  Howard said that he has a great story about being at the Academy Awards right after Heath Ledger had died. He said he won an Oscar and his mother went up and accepted his award. He said Seth gets in the elevator later and Heath's mother is in the elevator. Seth wanted to find the right words and then he said this. Seth said he said ''Congratulations.'' Howard said he wanted to say something. Seth said that's just your instinct when you see someone holding an Oscar. He said he has replayed that in his head over the years. He said the best he can come up with is that it's instinct when you see someone holding an Oscar. He said that was very awkward.

  Seth said he thought about the Eddie Griffin thing and he doesn't think he would have written it if he thought it would hurt his career. He said that doesn't stop you from having a great career in Hollywood. He said that Mel Gibson is still working away. He said he's not looking to hurt anyone's livelihood. Robin said she doesn't think anything is going to change because they're still not making his movies.

  Howard said the kicker to the Nic Cage thing is that James Franco played a white rapper and Nic got in touch with them after that. Seth said that Nic wanted to talk to them and they got that message. He said his manager said they wanted to talk and they thought it was going to be about this movie. He said they sat down and Nic asked if they told James about the meeting they had. He said they wondered if that character was based on the meeting they had. Seth said they told him no and Nic obviously didn't believe him. He said Nic ended up walking out of that meeting early too. He said he would work with Nicolas Cage. He said he's a hard guy to nail so he's not sure if he would work with him or not.

  Howard said he wanted Steven Chow to play a character in the movie and he wanted to play a guy with AIDS in the movie. Seth said he's one of his favorite film makers of all time. He said he was determined to jam it in there. He said what he learned is that his story telling sensibility was much different than theirs. He said he wanted to play Kato in the movie and he'd have AIDS. He said he also wanted the suit that he wore to control the Green Hornet. He said Kato would pretend to have AIDS and it was a very confusing thing.

  Howard said all of these people who are so successful in Hollywood you meet and sometimes it's great but most times it's just too fucking weird. He said there's so much weirdness. He said Tom Cruise is a great actor. He said that he writes about how Tom was thinking bought getting into comedy. He said that Tom wanted to get into comedy so he wanted to have a meeting with Seth. He said that's the real comedy. He said he hopes they make a movie out of his book. He said it's so great. He said Seth had to pee so bad that he had to pee into a Snapple bottle to meet with Tom. He said Tom has cameras all over his property so it's probably on video. Seth said he was on his way up there and he had to pee so bad. He said that he had this long snaking driveway so he stopped and peed in a bottle. He said when he left he saw a red light in the woods and there was a security camera pointing right to where he peed and left the bottle.

  Howard said the meeting was really bizarre. He said he's heard from people who have met Tom and he doesn't push the Scientology thing on them. He said he was pushing it on Seth though. Seth said that he'll never forget the wording he used. Seth said that he'll see every Tom Cruise movie and he loves them. He said he was meeting with him when he was still with Katie Holmes and it was peak Tom Cruise time. He said he had just jumped on the couch with Oprah and all of that. He said Tom had his trial but no one had seen his trial and they weren't sure if this child was real or not. He said it was a mystery.

  Seth said he got to meet Katie and their baby and all of that. He said that was a lot of pressure. He said that he had a meeting for hours. He said a little bit into the meeting Tom brought up the Scientology thing. Howard said Tom said that he had been made to look crazy because he was against the pharmaceutical companies. Seth said that was a surprising thing to hear. He said that he also said that you should see what they do his friend Louis Farrakhan. He said it was all so shocking. Seth said that Tom wanted to have 20 minutes to tell him what the whole Scientology thing was really all about. He said he was saying that if he let him tell him that he'd be like ''No fucking way!'' Seth said that he was wondering if they were going to bite on this or not. He said he wasn't sure if he was going to get converted or not. He said thank god they didn't get into it with him and stuck to just talking about movies. He said he and Judd Apatow agreed that they should just stick to movie talk.

  Howard said he was wondering how difficult it is to be in Hollywood. He said everyone seems nuts. He said it has to be difficult. Seth said he doesn't know any other industry so he's not sure. Howard said he hears from lawyer that other lawyers are nuts too.

  Howard said that Seth has had meetings with Spielberg and George Lucas too. Howard said you must think that George Lucas is so together but then he spouts off this stuff in his book and you must be disillusioned. Seth said he started so young that he assumed that it was his age that made him miss something. He said that he was surrounded by a lot of brilliant people. He said he though they must know something. He said he realizes now that they didn't know anything. He said that only in recent years he became that age and now he knows what was really going on. He said no one knows shit at all. He said he read Obama's book and you assume you'll be surrounded by smarter and smarter people and it just doesn't happen. He said it's the same people you've been around your whole life.

  Howard said Seth wrote about smoking a joint before his meeting with Spielberg. He said that he thinks that he's ruining his life doing that but he just does it. Howard asked why Spielberg called him. Seth said he wanted to make a movie about a video gamer who saves the world with his skills. He said that was the idea and they were kind of working on a similar idea on their own. He said that a few years later he released ''Ready Player One.'' He said Spielberg came into the meeting with George Lucas and that's like the most miraculous thing that can happen. Howard said Lucas was wearing an all denim outfit. Seth said he's not sure why but that's what a lot of wealthy men end up wearing. He said Jay Leno does that too.

  Howard asked why Lucas was so weird. Seth said it was like 2011 or 2012 and people thought the world was going to end because of the Aztec calendar. He said that they sat down and Lucas is with them while Spielberg is on a call. He said he and Evan are with George and he goes into this thing about the world ending in 2012. He said they thought he was joking but they don't think he was. He said nothing about the conversation implied there was any comedy about it. He said he thinks he really thought the world was going to end in 2012. He said that he also implied that he has a spaceship. He said that he had some contingency plan to leave the planet. He said that you look at him and you think that if anyone has it then it's a billionaire who is obsessed with space. He said it seemed believable to him.

  Howard said maybe that's why he sold Star Wars to Disney. He needed the money to build his space ship. Howard asked if his whole reality was shattered after that. He asked if he told him where he was going to fly to. Seth said he never did. He said that Evan asked to get a seat on it and George said no. He said that's what made him think it wasn't a joke. He said if it was a joke he'd tell them sure you can have a seat and ride shotgun.

  Howard said that his book is wonderful. He said it's not all about celebrity stories. He said he wrote about growing up. He said he got on stage at the age of 12 and did stand up. He said he wrote about the material he had back then which was about his grandparents. He said he was irritated by them and he wrote material about them. He said his act was good at that age. Seth said he thinks that show he references in the book is on YouTube somewhere. He said his grandparents were tough. He said his grandmother doesn't know where or when she was born. He said that she'd steal everything. He said they'd go out for dinner and find a nice plate at a restaurant and it would end up in her house. He said his grandfather was the same with McDonald's napkins and ketchup.

  Howard said that he wrote one story about how he was doing stand up and Seinfeld wanted to do a set and he bumped him. Seth said that he was doing this show at the Improv and the Comedy Store. He said he was doing sets to audition for this comedy thing in Canada. He said he gets to the Improv and it's early. He said it was like 6 or 7 at night. He said the crowd was terrible. He said that no one was doing very well. He said right before he goes on he's told by his manager that Seinfeld is there and he had to go on after him. He said he didn't want that. He said he wanted to get on stage before him. He said then Seinfeld walks in. He said he comes in out of a Porsche. He said he steps out and walks in as he's being introduced. He said Jerry destroyed and he was doing material that he had done his whole career. He said he was standing in the back like ''Fuck this guy!'' He said he was like ''How dare he do this...''

  Howard said Seth had flown from Canada to Los Angeles. Howard asked if he has met Jerry. Seth said he was on Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. He said it was like the 7th season so he wasn't clamoring for him to be on it. He said it was like they were just looking for someone to sit in the car with him. He said the car they had for him was some piece of shit. He said that he didn't want to waste a good car on him. He said it didn't go well and it was very uncomfortable. He said he couldn't stop sweating. He said he was just so uncomfortable.

  Howard asked if it was just not them vibing. Seth said he thinks it's two people who just didn't vibe with one another. He said you can see it in that episode. He said he told Jerry that story and he didn't think anything of it.

  Howard said it's that kind of honesty that he loves in his book. He said his dad had Tourettes. Seth said he does too. He said that it's not bad though. He said he controls it very well. He said he's very fidgety. He said that weed helps to relax that.

  Howard asked if the weed relaxes the Tourettes. Seth said it does and his dad once gave a quote about how he feels that weed relaxed every cell in his body. He said he agrees with that. He said that it has an effect on him that stabilizes him in a way.

  Howard said Seth described weed in the book in an interesting way. He said he said that weed helps him get through life in a more pleasant way. He said that it's like sneakers on your feet. He said that you don't question your brain but this weed helps him out. Seth said that it really does. He said that people don't think about their brains that much. He said people don't like thinking about your brain health. He said that you wonder how you keep your body healthy but you don't talk about your brain. He said you can do things to keep your brain healthy. He said that on one stigmatizes exercising your body. He said they do with your brain. He said the truth is that we have ways of making the rest of your body more comfortable. He said we should have more for the brain. He said that we need to create things to wipe the shit off our asses but then you say something is wrong with your brain and people stigmatize that. He said people like Tom Cruise think you should not need tools to fix your brain.

  Howard said just this past weekend there was an article in the NY times about the research going into Ecstasy. He said there was also something about diets and how they find that brain health is affected by food. He said he's right about the brain. Seth said you don't like to think about it. He said it's so mysterious that it puts people off. He said people just don't like to think about it. He said doctors don't even teach brain health. He said it's just not a thing they talk about.

  Howard said the most brilliant line in his book is about his first weed experiences. He said his friends loved Slurpees and they eventually went to the doctor and he was told that he was pre-diabetic. He said then he said ''But aren't we all?'' Howard said that's brilliant.

  Howard said he has some shitting stories in the book too. He said he loves stories like that. He said he has no shortage of them. Howard said Seth met his wife Lauren and he wanted a girlfriend all his life. He said you just want someone to love you and care about you. Seth said he wanted to be in a relationship. Seth said he finally gets this girlfriend and very early in the relationship his friend Nick Stoller had a bachelor party in Mexico. He said they tell you not to drink the water down there or have vegetables washed in water down there. He said he had some salad down there. He said he went back to L.A. after the party and his girlfriend picked him up. He said she spent the night so it was all very exciting. He said she was working at the time at Universal. He said he'd walk her out to her car every morning. He said he got up that morning and got dressed. He said he looked at himself like he was doing it. He said then he shat his pants like no human ever should. He said it was like a full and complete shit. He said then Lauren pops her head in the door and asked if he was ready to go. He said he wasn't able to tell her that he had just shat his pants. He said he thought that might turn her off.

  Seth said that he walked her down and he thinks that she had no idea that he had shat his pants. He said he's not sure how he did it but he got her to her car. He said he was hoping that her car was close but it was not. He said the last thing you want to do is walk a block in shit. He said that you're just wondering what's happening down there. He said he got her to her car and she drove away and she never found out about it. He said somehow he got away with it. Howard said he got away with murder.

  Howard said he knows he's kept him a long time but he has so many great stories. Howard said he wrote jokes for a Mohel. Seth said that this guy asked him to write some jokes for him and he wasn't sure what he needed them for. He said he knew that a Mohel cut the tips off of babies penises. He said that he didn't know if that's the kind of jokes he should be writing. He said the guy did in fact want jokes to break the ice a bit. He said he was going to get paid $50 a joke. He said that he'd pick him up after school to work with him. He said he told his friends about what was going on. He said the guy pulled up in a Ferrari. He said his friends told him not to get in the car.

  Howard said he was going to make $500 and buy a ton of weed with that money. Seth said he was going to buy shrooms actually. He said his friends told him not to get in the car so he was like why? He said they told him that his life is based on little kids dicks and he's got a Ferrari and that's what kids are into. Seth said he wasn't even thinking about that. He said that he thought that he was about to make $500. He said that the guy didn't do anything but try to rip him off. He said he only wanted to give him $50 for the jokes that he wanted to use. He said that's bullshit. He said he knew the guy had money based on the car he was driving. Howard asked what the jokes were. He said that he wrote them at a younger age. Seth said the guy still tells them. He said that's how he found them. He said that he had one about oiling up the chain saw before starting. He said he had another one about a kid that age surviving a knife fight. He said that he was just a teenager writing this stuff. He said he ultimately paid him the $500. He said he has been told that this guy is still telling the jokes to this day. He said he's been using them since 1996.

  Howard said Seth's book is called Yearbook. He said he has lists in the book of his favorite fast foods. He said that he got burned by a Burger King Whopper. He said that he got on a plane and had a strange reaction to the Whopper. Seth said he was hung over and had eaten a weed brownie too so that may have had something to do with it. He said that he didn't think that he could feel worse than he did eating that Whopper. Seth said that he was at the airport and not feeling good. He said it was early in the morning and he thinks that Burger King is the worst of the fast food places. Howard said Jon Hein agrees with him on that. Seth said that their best instinct is to call their best burger a ''whopper.'' He said the place must be run by crazy people. Howard said he used to enjoy Burger King and Roy Rogers.

  Seth said he had noticed that they had something called an Angry Whopper. He said that it had some spice in it. He said that he thought it might help him realign his body. He said he downed it and it did make him feel better. He said he was sweating like a crazy amount after eating this thing. He said he fell asleep on the plane and was awoken by a flight attendant who was screaming that he was having a seizure. He said that was very startling to hear. He said the woman was convinced he had a seizure but he felt fine. He said then a guy showed up and said he was a doctor. He said he checked on him and he said he felt fine. He said he was all confused by the whole thing. He said they checked him out and he turned to the woman beside him and asked if he had a seizure. She said she didn't think so but he was very sweaty. He said they landed and they had an ambulance waiting for him. He said he knew then that he couldn't do this anymore. He said he told the what he had eaten to be honest with them. He said that's all that was wrong.

  Howard went over Seth's list and put Chik-Fil-A on the list but put in a disclaimer that they're full of religious bigots so he won't go there. Howard said fast food drives him nuts. He said here used to be a Wetsons and they had White Castle too. He said Wetsons was there before McDonald's and they didn't make it. He said he should write a book about that. Seth said that would be a weird turn for his second book.

  Howard said his book is great. He said that he had a story about smoking weed and wanting to sell it. He said he got jumped and the story was wild. He said some people tried to rip him off. He said it turned out one of his friends had turned him in. Seth said it was a crazy story. He said he and his friend wanted to sell weed and this guy at school was a kid they weren't so nice to. He said he was kind of an asshole at the time. He said they were told they could buy 60 grams of weed from another high school. He said the kids wanted to meet in this part at 11 at night. He said they were worried they were going to get robbed. He said he remembers getting ready to go to this meet and his sister was going to drive. He said he brought his nun-chucks with him. He said no one has ever used the to defend themselves. He said that he was wearing a hoody with a front pocket that he put them in. He said they get to the meeting and asked if the wanted to sample the weed. He said they were like yeah. He said they got a joint and only they smoked it. He said the other guys didn't smoke it. He said they were convinced that it was laced with something like angel dust.

  Seth said then they lured them behind the school in an alley. He said they went to the alley and as soon as they get there the guys pull out butcher knives like a foot long. He said the guy's wording was like ''You guys are getting fucking jacked!'' He said that's when he knew it was doing wrong. He said that he didn't want his friend to pull out his baseball bat and turn it into a brawl. He said he was afraid that they'd die there. He said they ended up running away. Howard said they were smart. Seth said that they ran and it all happened so fast that his friend didn't run right away. He said the guys ended up stealing a necklace from his friend. He said his friend was so unhappy about that. He said the guy who arranged this whole thing was the guy who set it up. He said they brokered a deal to buy that necklace back from those guys. He said about 3 years ago his friend is at a party and this guy Billy is there. He said that guy admitted that he set them up and he felt bad about it so he told his friend what he had done.

  Howard said it's an incredible story. He said now here he is with his own weed company. He said he was thinking about this and he thinks that he'll be a billionaire from weed. Seth said that would be great. Howard said he follows him on Twitter and he has some nice stuff. Seth showed some of the weed they sell and he said they sell big buds. Howard said it looks nothing like what he got when he was smoking weed. Seth said this stuff sells for $65. He said he goes through one a day or so. Howard said that would last him a month.

  Howard said he thinks people trust him and he thinks that he'll do well with the weed sales. He asked how involved he is in it. Seth said hugely. He said that he spends as much time on that as he does on movies and stuff.

  Howard said he remembers people telling him not to talk about smoking weed. He said that Seth talks about it and he's very open about it. He said he's always been very up front about it. He said he likes his honesty. Seth said he wanted to create something great. He said hew wanted it to reflect his sensibilities. He said that's why they spent 10 years working on it. He said he wanted it to be a good product. He said he thought that they should have a product that's considered very thoughtful. He said if something is presented that way it makes it seem less illicit and less controversial. He said it's like any other great product that's being sold. Seth said they put a lot of thought into it.

  Howard asked if they had to go to venture capitalists to get money for it. Seth said that they did it all on their own. He said it's just him and a few other people who are the owners of the company. Seth said they do need to federally legalize it. He said they're still putting people in jail for weed and that's fucked. He said he thinks people don't understand why it's illegal. He said it never should have been made illegal. He said it's very upsetting.

  Howard said he was trying to get to the money thing and how you should never put your own money into a business. Seth said this is the only thing he really has done that with. He said he wanted complete control over this. Howard asked how much of an investment they have to put into it. Seth said it is a lot. He said it's in the millions. He said it's something that he sees as a very unique opportunity that he has a lot of control over. Howard asked how many guys went into it with him. Seth said there's like 5 founders and maybe 15 total working at the company. He said they may go out and raise money to get into it more. He said they also have home goods that they sell. He said it's such a strange business. He said it was all an experiment in complete autonomy. He said you can't just do that with a movie.

  Howard asked what kind of boss he is and if he would let his employees smoke weed at the job. Seth said of course they can. He said if they do their job that's fine. He said he'd be very hypocritical if he was like that.

  Robin asked if he's the president of the company. Seth said it's a small team who makes all the decisions.

  Howard said that he was thinking about Seth this morning and he has been having this conversation for a long time. He said something controversial happens every time he's promoting something. He said that he was asked about James Franco and the sexual allegations out there. He said that he's encountering that himself. He said it's very difficult when you have to deal with that stuff. He said he was thinking about his responses and how he can't be friends with someone who has that stuff going on. He said that he was very honest about it. Seth said it's very tough. He said that it is shitty but he's not a victim in any of this. He said he understands that it's part of who he is telling people he is and he wants to be that. He said he doesn't want to avoid questions. He said he wants to be as honest as he can. He said his life is great and he has a job he loves. He said that he gets picked apart a lot in his career. He said that goes along with the territory and that's an okay tradeoff.

  Howard asked if it's every okay to just say you don't want to talk about it. Seth said there are some things that he won't talk about. He said that his fans want to hear about some things so he will talk about them if he thinks they want to hear about it. He said it's tough enough to do interviews and he'd rather not think about the things that he won't talk about.

  Howard said he loves the book so much because he feels that he was so honest in it. He said he's had such an interesting life. He said it's weird too when they ask about James Franco and then he actually talks about it. He said he has to pick up the phone and tell him that you can't be friends. He said he's not sure how to navigate this shit. Seth said he's not sure either. Howard said he admired his stance and that he didn't avoid the question. Seth said he can't avoid any question really. He said he was just honest.

  Howard said there's a lot of stuff in this book that he didn't get to. He said you should read it and you'll enjoy it. He said there's a whole thing about Cum Dumpsters 2. He said that he'll leave that as a teaser. He said he talked about the AVN awards and how Meryl Streep is a great actor but she never took 6 cocks in her ass.

  Howard said he could talk to him for 17 hours but he knows he has other thins to do. He said that he's terrific. Seth said Howard is too. He said he's glad that he read the book and that he referenced him in it. Howard said he's never read a book so fast. He said he's not a big reader of books. He said he was enjoying the book and he was upset when it was over.

  Howard said that he's also got the weed thing going. Seth said go to HousePlant.com to find out more about that. Howard said that he's not sure if he would ever have been able to do all of this if he had kids. Seth said that's the reason he can do all of this. Howard said it all demands a lot of time. He said that his wife is okay with not having kids too. Seth said she is. He said they love not having kids. He said they lay in bed on Saturday morning watching TV naked. He said no one has as much joy with their kids as they have without kids.

  Howard said that it's not easy having kids. He said you have to make them the priority. Seth said there are plenty of them out there. He asked who looks at the planet and thinks we need more people here.

  Howard said he has one final stat. He said Seth has been coming on the show since 2008 and he has been on 17 times. Seth said some of his close family hasn't even had that many visits from him. Howard said that he loved when he came in with Snoop in L.A. Seth said he smoked some weed with Snoop that was so strong that he had to go home and sleep. Howard asked if he has seen him since. Seth said he has not. He said he's hoping that he'll record for his audio book though. He said he thinks that's going to happen.

  Howard said the book is great. He said that he really enjoyed it. He gave him some more plugs and wrapped up with Seth. He let him go a short time later.

  Howard said that Robin has to read the book. Robin said she will and she's going to watch the show he did with Jerry Seinfeld. She said she can't wait to see him tell the story and Jerry not caring. Howard said the stories are told very well in the book. He said he'll have Seth on the show whenever he wants. He said he came downstairs to do the show today and he saw that he was talking about his relationship with James Franco. He said it had to be painful for him to end that friendship. Robin said it must have been. Howard said that Seth wasn't thrown by any questions asked by that interviewer. He said he's very honest and he's always admired that. He said he's very authentic.

  Robin said she loved the story about Nic Cage. She said the one time he came on their show he was dressed like Elvis. Howard said he had a weird voice in Peggy Sue Got Married. He said that was just fucking weird. He said that's really out there for an actor. He said then he read this book and saw what he wanted to do in the movie with Seth. He said that there were a lot of other great stories he didn't get to. He said they'll be back tomorrow with more. Howard said he should say goodbye. Robin asked if people are will with them. Howard said they think they left. Howard said he has had to pee for the last half hour. He ended the show around 11:15am.

• Where In The World Is Handjob Connie? 05/11/21. 7:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: An announcement about Emily Blunt being on the show today.

  Howard started the show singing ''There's now business like show business'' along with ''The Great American Nightmare'' and calling it a mash up. He said people love that. Robin asked when that will be coming out. Howard said it's slated for later in the summer. He said he just keeps innovating like a machine.

  Howard said they had an exciting morning yesterday. He said he had a friend call to ask about the show yesterday and he asked about if he thinks he could ever get Handjob Connie on the show to talk to him. He said that's the woman that Ronnie was talking about. He said he was feeling proud of himself about the show yesterday and it all comes down to Handjob Connie. He said it is a great story. He said Ronnie told that story yesterday. He said it was a young woman who was in high school with Ronnie. He said who knows what she did in her life and she's probably in her 70s now. He said he's not sure if they could track her down. He said he probably would have bumped Emily Blunt if they could have found her.

  Howard said when he tells Beth about this stuff she just knows it's Ronnie he's talking about.

  Howard asked if Ronnie has ever tried to find Connie. Ronnie said he knows her last name. He said he hasn't seen her since he was 18 probably. He said he has no idea what has happened to her. Howard said maybe she's in charge of the federal reserve. Ronnie laughed.

  Howard asked Ronnie to recap who Connie is. Ronnie said that this girl didn't go to his school but she wasn't far. He said somehow he found out about this girl through a friend. He said the guy came to him and told him about this girl you call up and tell her you heard about her through a friend. He said you'd meet up with her in a place and park and then she'd blow you. He said she wouldn't even talk. He said it was just hello and goodbye.

  Howard asked if she was good looking. Ronnie said she was okay looking but kind of plain. He said she was average. He said she'd be in jeans and a t-shirt or whatever. He said you'd pick her up and go to a quiet spot. He said he had a spot that he liked. He said there were stores and an alleyway street. He said he'd park behind a store and she'd jerk you off and stare in your face as she did it. He said she had her own tissues that she'd take you load in. He said then she'd get out of the car and leave without saying anything. Howard laughed when he heard that.

  Ronnie said no one even knew where she lived. Howard asked if you were allowed to touch her. Ronnie said no. Howard asked if she showed titty. Ronnie said not at all. He said she didn't use lube or anything. He said she was good. He said at that age it didn't matter.

  Howard asked how many times he saw her. Ronnie said maybe 5 or 6 and then she disappeared. He said that he's not sure what happened to her. Howard said maybe she got killed. He said when he hears that story his friend was very nice to give him her number. Howard said he would have called her every day and he wouldn't want her to wear out. Ronnie said some days she wasn't into it. He said you'd have to call another day and you'd luck out.

  Howard wondered what a psychiatrist would say about that. He said she jerked off strangers and never said a word. Ronnie said she would say hi. He said she was very strange. He said it was crazy. He said she had this blank stare on her face so it was very strange. Howard asked if she was a slow adult. Ronnie said she didn't seem that way. He said when you saw her in person she wouldn't talk though. He said on the phone she was fine. He said she just didn't talk.

  Howard asked if she ever charged for it. Ronnie said no. He said it was wild and great. Howard said he's picturing a ''Nell'' type of character. Ronnie said when his friend told him about it he didn't believe it. He said he thought it was a goof or a real weirdo. He said she was weird but you wouldn't run away from her. He said if you saw her on a street you wouldn't run. He said she wasn't ugly at all.

  Howard asked if she knew her name was Handjob Connie. Ronnie said she didn't. He said they kept that to themselves. Howard asked if he ever fell for her. Ronnie said not at all. He said he had a girlfriend. He said the funny part is that his girlfriend lived near that area. He could have gotten caught but he didn't care back then.

  Howard asked if it was a good hand job. Ronnie said it was. He said it was great. He said at that age you don't care who it is touching your dick. Howard said he would have died for a hand job Connie. He said he would have fallen in love with her. He said he may have tried to date her. He said it would have ruined everything.

  Robin said when you get further into the relationship you look around the room and wonder how many guys she's jerked off. Howard said he'd get upset about that.

  Ronnie said she didn't seem like the kind of girl who would get involved with anyone. He said she was very into herself. Robin wondered how it all got started. Howard said it's a weird act to do something like that. He said at that age he would have cum if she just touched his pants. He said she wouldn't have even gotten to his dick. Ronnie said it didn't take long. He said that she'd just get out and walk away.

  Howard said the friend who gave him the number was a nice guy. He said he wouldn't have shared it. Ronnie said he used to hang out with this guy a lot. He said they came across some weird situations. He said they had their driver's licenses and they would cruise areas where girls hung out. He said one night they went past this diner where these girls hung out. He said they picked up two girls there and made a date with them and picked them up Friday night. He said they went to a drive in movie and they were all in the same car. He said they're making out with them and this friend had a sheet with him and hung it up in the car between the front and back seat. He said he had tape holding it up. He said he made a partition and had separate rooms in the car. He said he couldn't see the movie because he was in the back.

  Howard asked if he lost touch with that guy. Ronnie said he direct messaged him about 3 or 4 months ago. He said they ended up talking on the phone a bit. He said his name is Mike.

  Howard said it's funny because he had some good experiences. He said he had bad ones. He said he and a friend learned about this party line where you could dial numbers and tons of kids would be on. He said you'd hear a girl and the guys would all ask her to call them privately. He said it was like Lord of the Flies. He said they got a girl to call them privately and they were asking her about how many girls there were and all of that. He said they told them to meet them behind the high school. He said they weren't able to get there until Midnight. He said they were find with that. He said they went to the high school and a car pulls up and it's a bunch of guys who were going to beat them up.

  Howard said he figured if the girls didn't see him he'd be okay. He said girls in real life didn't want to see him but he figured maybe this would be different. He said Ronnie didn't know if Connie was going to be a knife wielding maniac.

  Ronnie said she only did it in the day time. He said it wasn't at night. He said if you go out at night you have to have the lights on. He said he thinks that she wanted to see your dick. He said she had this stare on her face that was scary. He said she'd just give you this blank face. He said she'd stare at your dick as you came. He said it felt good though.

  Howard asked if Ronnie passed her number along. Ronnie said not at all. He said they kept it between 4 or 5 people. He said that's it for them but maybe there were others they didn't know about. Howard said it would be great if she became a urologist.

  Howard took a call from fake Senator Bernie Sanders who said that she's in DC now and she's giving hand jobs to everyone there. Howard let him go after a short time.

  Howard said it would be great if they could find Connie. He said it would be interesting to hear her side of the story. He said she'd be in her 70s own. Ronnie said she could be 69 or 70.

  Howard said he told Beth the story and she thought that she'd do it for money. He said Beth didn't want to hear the whole story.

  Howard took a call from a woman who said that something was clearly wrong with this woman. He said she had to have some kind of issue. He said she may have been abused or something to do something like that. Howard said he's sure that she had a healthy family life. Howard said he's sure that she had a normal life and it was perfectly normal what she was doing. The caller said that Ronnie called her a weirdo so that's not right. Ronnie said he didn't say she was a weirdo. He said she was just strange. Howard said she's not there so they're not insulting her.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that this chick must have been on the spectrum. He said he can't understand how Ronnie could have done that. He said he was as horny as the next guy but there's no way he could have done this. Ronnie said she was normal other than staring at you. Robin said it reminds her of The Godfather where you brought the girl a Cannoli to get sex. Ronnie said this guy wouldn't have turned it down. Howard said he might be right.

  Ronnie said once they got their cars they had CB radios and they used to meet girls that way. He said it was nuts. Howard said Ronnie lived a whole other life than he did. Robin said he must love cars because he got so much pussy from them.

  Ronnie said you'd get in touch with girls on the CB radio and sometimes you'd meet them and they were disappointing at times. He said sometimes they'd find some good ones. Howard asked if they were ever catfished. Ronnie said never. He said they had this club on channel 1 and they knew who was on there. He said they never got fooled.

  Howard asked if Ronnie ever fucked any of these girls. Ronnie said he met one girl behind her house and messed around with her but he didn't have sex. Ronnie puppet said that he got a blow job in the sand box in the back yard. He said her name was Fuck Face Phoebe.

  Ronnie said he met his friend on CB radio. He said his name was Shit Box Ritchie. Howard said he's the guy who shit in a box when he was driving his limo. He said he had to shit and he shit in a box while this rabbi was in his house getting changed. Howard said he rang the doorbell for the rabbi and asked if he could use his bathroom and the guy told him no. Ronnie said he forgot that part. Howard said Ritchie went back to the car and shit in a box he had in the car. Ronnie said he took this box and emptied it out and shit in that and the whole car stunk. Howard said he's forgetting another part of the story. Howard said Ritchie is shitting in the box and the rabbi is knocking on the window. He said he had to get out of the car and fling the shit out. He said the Rabbi got in the car and the smell was lingering in there.

  Ronnie said those were good times. Howard said Ronnie had a whole underground of women on CB radio.

  Howard asked if Ronnie would be cool with her being on the show. Ronnie said sure. Robin asked what if she's on the spectrum. Ronnie said who cares. He said he didn't know if she was. He said he just knew that she gave him a good hand job.

  Howard said that's too much. He said that's the greatest. Ronnie said those were fun times.

  Howard said they don't know where Connie is but they're on it and looking for her. He said with any luck they'll be able to find her.

• Ronnie's Hypnotism Sessions. 05/11/21. 7:35am
  Howard said Ronnie has been using Scott Schmaren's audio tapes and it's been helping him out with his life. Ronnie said it's awesome. He said he talked with Scott a few times and he got some tapes that he listens to when he needs to calm down. He said he passes out before the end of the tape. He said that he almost passes out from being so relaxed.

  Howard asked if this is at night. Ronnie said it's during the afternoon when he does it. He said if he's really fucked up he does it twice in the morning sometimes. He said he's able to go to sleep with no problem. Robin asked what has him so upset. Ronnie said it's a lot of pressure going on right now. He said there's a lot going on. He said it works great and even Stephanie will tell you how much it's helped him. He said now he doesn't scream about shit. He said he just deals with it.

  Howard said Stephanie says that he's more caring and loving with her since he started this. Robin said whenever Ronnie and Stephanie try to do something together they get into a fight. Robin asked if they wouldn't have that problem now. Ronnie said they don't fight. He said that wasn't serious. He said it was just joking around.

  Howard asked who helped him out more, Scott or Connie. Ronnie said it's Scott. He said he loves it.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he misses his time one on one with Ronnie in the car. He asked Ronnie if he misses Howard. Howard said he does like Ronnie very much. He said he enjoyed the conversations that he had with him in the car. He said that he had a lot of those stories like he just told. He said the stories are really bizarre. He said he can't even tell them on the air. He said he and Ronnie have a long history. He said that he doesn't miss the part of him driving around and bouncing him around in the limo in traffic. Robin said that might be gone now with the Scott Schmaren stuff. Howard said that he doesn't miss the driving in the car. Ronnie said he's not sure if he could do it anymore. He said he can't deal with the traffic in the city. He said that he's been away from it for so long that he's gotten used to it. He doesn't miss that at all.

  Howard said Ronnie was very good at his job and he took it very seriously. He said driving in the city is very harrowing. He said it's so fucking difficult to drive there. He said people get upset with you and it's a nightmare. He said he doesn't miss that at all. He said he does miss hanging out with Ronnie though. He said he feels close to him. He said he has known him for 30 some years. Ronnie said it's 35 now.

  Ronnie said he misses that stuff too. He said they do talk off the air now though. He said that's unlike Robin who never calls him back. Ronnie said she used to answer the phone before the pandemic. He said as time has gone along she has put it off longer and longer. He said she won't even call him back now. Robin said she does want to call him back and she hasn't erased his message so she has a reminder.

  Howard said Robin is so busy she has no time in her day for phone conversations. He said she's like a mogul. Robin said she got so busy during the pandemic and now she goes out occasionally and it's taking up her time.

  Howard said the point he's making is that they're going to try to find Handjob Connie. He asked what will happen if they find out she's running a big company or something. They joked that she's running Netflix and she's Hand Job Sarandos.

• Fan Feedback. 05/11/21. 7:45am
  Howard said the other day they played a tape of Ronnie talking to Dry Lisa. He said he was surprised at how good looking she is. Ronnie said he saw that picture and she was. Howard said Lisa is very dry in the vagina and they had Ronnie call her and he got her wet. Ronnie said people only heard small parts of that conversation. He said it went on for over an hour. Howard said he needs to hear more of that. He said they got some fan feedback about that. He ready through some of that. Some people thought that Ronnie was cheating on Stephanie in that call. Ronnie said she knew that he was doing that call with Lisa. He said he's not sure if she knows the extent it went to. He said she never asked him about it. He said he would tell her though.

  Howard said he was thinking about it and if Stephanie had phone sex for an hour with a listener Ronnie would be upset. Ronnie said he would be. Howard said they have a listener named Soft Bob who needs to get off so they can have her call him.

  Ronnie asked if Lisa's husband knows about this. Howard said she's not on the phone so they can't get an update. Ronnie said that it seems like Wolfie has a constant thing with her so maybe he can find out. Howard said they'll look into that.

  Howard said they're going to look into finding Handjob Connie. He let Ronnie got after that.

  Howard said the fans wrote in about Monday's show when Robin talked about her friends who won't get vaccinated. Robin said it's like a thinning of the herd for her. Howard read some comments about those people who won't get vaccinated. Howard said the fans really care. Robin said she's not a judgmental person but it might be time to end all of those things with those people. She said it's not a lot of friends, just one or two.

  Howard said someone wrote in about Seth Rogen's interview yesterday. He had a lot of positive comments about that.

  Howard read an email where someone said that Seth and George Takei's laughs are similar. Howard played a clip of both of their laughs to hear how they were alike. Howard said another fan said that Seth sounds like a high functioning JD. He didn't really agree with that. Howard played a clip of JD trying to complete a thought and then Seth trying to do the same but he was able to actually answer a question. Howard said that guy was way off on that one.

  Robin said she saw the Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee and you can tell that they cut around a lot of awkward silences. Howard said he meant to do that too. He said he'll have to check that out. Robin said that story about Jerry getting Seth bumped at the comedy club wasn't even included in that show. Howard said it was a great interview yesterday so he thanked Seth for that.

• Wolfie's Mom Will Get Vaccinated. 05/11/21. 7:50am
  Howard said he has an update on Wolfie's mom, Barb, who decided to get her vaccination shot. He said that he had her on last week to convince her to get it. He said that Barb showed up to get vaccinated and she showed up wearing her MAGA cap. He said that the bad news was that they weren't administering the first dose. He said she went to her pharmacy and found out that she can't get it because she got the shingles vaccine. He said she is scheduled to get it in two weeks and she's going to get it because of what they told her.

  Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to Barb about what changed her mind. Barb said that she trusted Robin because of her background. She said she's going to get the Johnson and Johnson vaccine. She said the other thing is that she wanted to see her grand kids. She said that hey can hang out when that's done. Wolfie's mom said she may want to stay a weekend at his house. Wolfie told her not to get too crazy. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.

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• Some Calls And Cheap Trick. 05/11/21. 8:00am
  After the break they played Ronnie's ''Handjob Connie'' story, a ''Ass Napkin Ed Two Sided Toothbrush'' commercial parody, a George Takei announce about Trump and COVID and The Beatles ''You Know My Name (Look Up the Number).''

  Howard came back and sang along with the song a little bit. He said people have often asked why John Lennon wrote this. He said he thought of it as a mantra. He said he just wanted to keep saying that line. He said he would chant that a lot and he saw it written on a phone book and decided to write the song.

  Howard took a call from Mike in Maine who said he loves Seth Rogen and he's one of the most genuine guests. He said he's definitely going to buy his book. Howard said it's a great book. He said he saw a good review of it in his news feed.

  Howard took a call from a guy who may have been sleeping. He hung up on him pretty quickly.

  Howard said he has a lot to get to so forget that. He said he has a Cheap Trick exclusive for you. He said that he loves their music and he loves a lot of their songs. He played a few examples. Howard said that he loves Rick Nielson's guitar and the drummer and the singer Robin Zander. He said that he loves the song ''Surrender'' too. He played some of that and tried to figure out the lyrics. Robin helped with that.

  Howard said whenever he heard the ''Me and Bobby McGee'' song he wondered what the lyrics ''Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.'' He said he still doesn't know what it means. He said that everyone must know what it is but him. He said he's embarrassed to not know it. He said he says it slowly and still can't figure it out. Robin tried to explain it and Howard was thinking it was something completely different. Robin said that possessions can hold you back and if you get rid of them they you can have freedom. Howard said he still doesn't get it.

  Howard said in Wandavision they had Vision saying something about what love is. He recited the line and Robin said that's an easy one. She explained it to Howard. He said that maybe that's because she took Ayahuasca. He said he might have to do that.

  Howard said that line about ''Love means never having to say you're sorry.'' He said he has no idea what that means. Robin said she doesn't either. Howard said he said it to his kids and they didn't know what he was talking about. Robin said people don't go around saying that. Howard said you have to be man enough to say you're sorry so he's not sure what that is.

  Howard said this is why he doesn't like poetry. He said no one knows what they're talking about. He said Paul Simon is a great song writer. He said one of the best songs he ever wrote was The Boxer. He recited one of his lyrics and said he has no idea what he's saying. He said he's too literal to be a song writer. Robin had an explanation for the lyric that Howard was confused by. Howard said his head is going to explode.

  Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who sad that Seth was great yesterday. She said that Connie the Hand Job queen was doing what they did back in the 50s and 60s. She said that it's a whole different ball game now. She said she's on Team Connie. Howard said you know as well as he does that even back then a girl passing around her number and jerking men off is dangerous. He said that's taking your life into your own hands. He said that's not typical. Mariann said she's not saying she was 100 percent there but parents didn't tell their children about that kind of thing. She said her mom didn't talk to her about sex.

  Howard asked if Mariann ever did that hand job thing. Mariann said not at all. She said sex wasn't on her mind at that time. She said she was a goofy teenager.

  Howard said he has so many regrets. He said that there was a station he worked at many years ago and this woman worked there who was very pretty. He said she came up to him and offered him a hand job after his show was over. Howard said he was wondering if she was for real. He said he was married at the time. He said that it was in his head that it was a nice gesture. He said she'd hear him talking about sex on the air and she was quite loving about it. He said of course he didn't do it. He said he was thinking about how he didn't do that but he should have. He said it would have been great. He said it also would have been very weird. He said he has a conscience. He said it would just be weird. He said he thinks things through unlike Ronnie. He said he thinks too much about the other person.

  Howard said there was a girl who wanted to show him her vagina when he was maybe 10-12 years old. He said he didn't think it was right so he got out of there before it happened. Mariann said that Connie may have had a different thing growing up. She said that she may have had more of a sex mind.

  Howard said he realized that he let Mariann back stage and she may have given him a hand job if he had wanted one. Mariann said that she has nice hands and you can ask her husband about that. She said she respects Howard so much. She said she loves everything about him. Robin asked if she would turn down the hand job. Mariann said never! Howard hung up on her when she screamed that out.

  Robin said in the hospital she worked in there was rampant sex going on. She said that she wasn't into that. She said she didn't want to be part of all of the gossip. Howard said he knows a nurse who straddled a patient. Robin laughed. Howard said she was a fabulous woman. He said she went on to be Handjob Connie.

  Howard said cheap Trick released their new album ''In Another World'' last month and they recorded two new videos for them. He said he watched it last night and they did some great stuff. He said that he loves watching those guys. He said the videos are up on the app. He said they did it just for them. Howard said that these guys have been big Beatles fans. He said they did a cover of ''Gimme Some Truth'' and he'll play some of that. Howard played it and they dedicated it to Howard.

  Howard said they did a great job. He said he'd give them a hand job. He said he wishes he could play guitar like that. He said maybe if he had practiced enough. He said the band sounds great.

  Howard said Rick Nielson is 72. He wondered if he knew Handjob Connie. Howard played the other song they did for them and they dedicated that one to Robin. Howard said they're still rockin'. He said go check out the videos.

• Relationships And A Wendy The Slow Adult Game. 05/11/21. 8:25am
  Howard said they'll be talking to Emily Blunt soon. He said they made a sequel to A Quiet Place and it's really good. Robin said this is so well written. Howard said her husband wrote it. He said that she's a great actress and her husband wrote this movie ''A Quiet Place'' and she did the movie for him. Howard said if he had written it and it was a piece of shit that got her laughed out of the business then it could have ruined their relationship. Howard said instead John Krasinski is hotter. He said that he did the Jack Ryan TV show and he's really hot right now too. He said they're both doing really well. Robin said she didn't know that he was so good when he was on The Office. Howard said he proved himself. Robin said Emily was right about him.

  Robin said that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez did the movie Gigli together and they broke up when it failed. Howard said that they're back together. Robin said she can't believe that. Howard said women were saying to him that J-Lo just broke up with A-Rod and she's already back with Ben. He said it's kind of shocking that they got back together so quickly. Howard said there was a story about how Ben has been writing her love letters since February. He said that story was leaked this morning. He said they're making it seem like she did air out her vagina and didn't just jump back into bed with him.

  Howard said he's going to tell you something. He said going back and revisiting relationships never works. He said Ben wasn't into her back then and he left her. He said she should just leave it alone. Robin said they called off their wedding the day before the wedding. Howard said don't go back. He said he thinks about his relationships and you never go back.

  Howard said they're saying that we may never get herd immunity because of these idiots in this country who want to say ''Heil Trump.'' He said they won't get the vaccine. Robin said it boggles the mind. She said she gets so sad for her country when she thinks about the dopes who live here and don't understand freedom.

  Howard said these people don't read about what's going on around the world and how the vaccine is just fine to take. He said that they went to Wendy the Slow Adult to find out why she's not vaccinated. Howard played a clip of Wendy talking about how she can't handle the vaccination. She said she's not afraid to get a shot but she will have her mom explain it to her. Howard said her mom thinks that she's getting influenced by people on YouTube chats. He said that she's a slow adult so he doesn't hold it against her. Robin said that she hopes that regular people hear this and realize how they're acting.

  Howard said they have a game to play to find out what she really believes. He said Wendy's mom thinks that Wendy had COVID in January so she doesn't need the vaccine.

  Howard asked if Robin thinks Wendy believes the earth is flat. Robin said she thinks that she'll say it's round. Howard said she's wrong. She said Wendy believes the earth is flat. He played a clip of Wendy explaining that. She said it's flat because of earthquakes.

  Howard asked if Wendy believes the moon is made of cheese. Robin said this is ridiculous. She said she has to have known something. She said she will say she knows it's not made of cheese. Howard said she's right. Wendy said there's no such thing.

  Howard asked if Wendy believes Goofy is a real creature that exists. Robin said she'll say that she thinks it's not real. Howard said she actually does believe that he's a real creature. Howard played her answer and Wendy said she thinks he's real and lives at Disney World.

  Howard asked if Wendy believes that Climate Change is real. Robin said of course not. Howard played her answer and Wendy said she does believe it's real.

  Howard asked if Wendy believes that Donald Trump lies. Robin said no. Howard told her to give him another answer. Robin said yes. Howard played Wendy's answer and she said that he does lie but who gives a shit. She said everyone lies.

  Howard asked if Wendy believes in Santa Claus. Robin said yes. Howard played the answer and Wendy said yes. She said when she was a kid he used to call to check up on her and her sister.

  Howard asked if Wendy believes that the United States killed Osama bin Laden. Robin said she's going to say she doesn't think that's true. Howard played the answer and Wendy said that it could have been someone dressed up like him.

  Howard asked if Wendy believes that aliens are real. Robin said she will say yes. Howard played her answer and Wendy said they are real because we were created as aliens when we were born.

  Howard asked if Wendy believes that Vampires are real. Robin said she's going to say yes. Howard played Wendy's answer and she said that they are real. She said she has seen a bat fly in the air and that bat turned into a man.

  Howard said here you go. He said Robin did very well. Robin said look at what's happening in her world and it's all real.

• Caitlyn Jenner Interview Clips. 05/11/21. 8:45am
  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was going to bring up the hand job Connie thing but he just heard Wendy say she saw a bat turn into a man. Howard said he was like holy shit when he heard that last night.

  The caller said that he was getting so warm in the stomach hearing about Connie this morning. He said he hopes they can find her and bring this stuff to the surface. Howard said he's heard that story many times. He said he's heard it maybe once a year for 30 years now. He said he's heard it in one form or another. Robin said Ronnie is re-living that story over and over. Howard said they hired Dan Rather to lead the investigation into finding Connie. The caller said it was good to hear Ronnie so happy about it.

  Howard said he's not sure if he wants to get into this Caitlyn Jenner thing. He said she sounds so out of touch with what's going on. Robin said she has been out of touch for a very long time. She didn't even know she was a woman for a long time. Howard said that she calls herself a passionate disrupter in a campaign video she put out. Howard said it's all so poorly thought out. He said she went on Sean Hannity's show and changed that term to something else. Howard played a clip of Caitlyn talking about how she thinks she's more of a thoughtful disrupter. She said she thinks she has common sense. Howard said in one day she changed that.

  Howard said Caitlyn was talking about how she was at her hanger the other day and talking about homeless people there in California. He said she never said that they have a problem and she has a plan for it. He said she's just upset that her friends are leaving because of them. Howard played a clip of Caitlyn talking about her neighbor leaving because of the homeless there. Howard said her main complaint about the homeless is that they're disgusting instead of worrying about why they're homeless. He said she has not one solution to it. Howard did his impression of Caitlyn talking about the homeless and how she can still see them when she flies in her private plane that took off from her private hanger.

  Robin asked if Sean asked what she's going to do about it. Howard said he's not sure. He said he didn't see the whole thing. Howard said at one point she said that she was pro-illegal immigration. Howard said Sean had to correct her. Howard played a clip of that moment from the interview.

  Robin asked how Sean Hannity sleeps at night. She asked if he's working with Scott Schmaren too.

  Howard heard a knock at the door. It turned out to be fake Caitlyn Jenner. Howard talked to her about the homeless that she was calling freaks. Fake Caitlyn was talking about the homeless and how they can get themselves a home by doing things like getting into the Olympics or something. Howard said at one point she said she was an idea person and she didn't care if you're democrat or republican she'll listen to what you have to say. She had no ideas of her own but she'll listen to other people's ideas.

  Howard said Sean looked very uncomfortable doing the interview. He said he even flew out to California to do the interview.

  Howard said that if Fake Caitlyn was doing the interview at the FOX news building she wouldn't have a bathroom to use there. Fake Caitlyn said that she doesn't think she should be going into the women's bathroom because she takes massive shits. She said that she would love to send Robin some shoes that she got that don't fit. She asked if Robin is a size 14. Robin said not even close.

  Howard let Fake Caitlyn go and did a live commercial read and went to break.

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• Emily Blunt Visits. 05/11/21. 9:00am
  After the break they played a ''Who's High Pitch'' song parody and a JD song parody.

  Howard came back and said that Emily Blunt is in A Quiet Place II. He said it comes out on May 26th in theaters. Emily said she's in Spain doing a movie right now. She said she's in a Western and she doesn't have to lose her accident for this one. She said it's called The English. She said she didn't know this but in the 1870s they started cattle herding and she's coming over to seek revenge on an Englishman.

  Howard asked how the vaccination thing works. Emily said she is vaccinated but she's been walking on this for years. She said that she liked the script so much that she just agreed to do it right away. She said they were supposed to start in August but it kept getting pushed and pushed and now they're starting tomorrow.

  Howard said Beth watched A Quiet Place II with him. He said she really loved it. He said it's a scary movie. He said the whole COVID thing is like a horror movie. He said it's kind of a perfect movie for COVID. Emily said it's kind of eerie how people can relate to this. She said that your neighbors are there to help and it's really eerie. Emily said they had to pull this from the theaters last year. She said that people said it was so fucking crazy that the movie is representative of this time we're in.

  Howard said the first movie came out of nowhere and it made over $300 million. He said when that came out he had a lot of thoughts about it. He said he knows her and John. He said that when couples work on movies they may not survive it. He said that it could have ruined her career. Emily was laughing about it. Howard said it really does happen. Emily said when they decided to work together people did say that they would be divorced before the end of the movie. Howard said he thinks he said it. He said that they went out to dinner and he thought that they weren't going to make it. He said who knew that John could write and direct like that. Emily said that she didn't even know. She said that she was telling John who to cast in the movie and he didn't do it. She said that she took the role. She said she read the script on the plane and she had a cry. She said it was really astonishing. She said that she asked if he wanted her to do it with him and he was thrilled about that. Howard said of course. He said he did write it with her in mind. Emily said he did.

  Howard said no one knew that John could write and direct like this. Emily said she told him to get a great DP. She said that he was brilliant. She said that he knew what to do with the cameras and all of that. Howard said that she was probably thinking he was nuts for writing a movie. Emily said she was pregnant and they had just had their second baby. She said that she has always known that John is supremely talented. She said she knew that he was more than just Jim from The Office. She said that the business is a business of pigeon holing. Howard said John proved himself when he wrote and directed this movie. He said he gets why she's with him now. Emily said she got it. Howard said he thought he hypnotized her and got her to marry him.

  Howard asked how he knew how to write a script. Emily said he wrote Promised Land with Matt Damon before so he knew how to write. She said she didn't know he had this in him. She said none of them did.

  Howard asked Emily to talk about how it was when the first movie came out. He said it must have been great. He said that she didn't even have to talk that much in the movie. He said that it came out and did $300 million. He said the love making must have been done immediately. Emily laughed and said it was pretty cool. She said that they were showing the movie at South by Southwest and no one knew what was coming. She said people were silent watching the movie. She said she has never had an experience like that. She said they were laughing during the movie because they were so nervous. She said there's a gun cock at the end of the movie and people wanted to rip the chairs out of the floor. She said it was so thrilling. She said she felt that thing happen on social media where people were talking about it. She said they were astonished that it did as well as it did.

  Howard asked if the love making was wild. Emily laughed. Howard said when a movie makes that much it has to be great. Emily said they don't talk about money like that being from England. Howard asked if they did anything special when it did so well. Emily said that she's not sensible with money. She said neither is John. She said she thinks they got themselves out of debt. Howard said it's mind blowing to make that much. He said if you make over 100 million it's life changing. He said if you do 300 million it has to be really mind blowing. Howard said his movie wasn't like that. He said this had to be really heady. Emily said it is. She said the movies are like family members for them. She said that the movie had this meteoric life. She said she has a hard time when people like a movie she's in. She said she has a hard time associating with it.

  Howard said the first movie was a big hit and she won a SAG award for it. He said then John says he has an idea for a second one. He said she must have told him not to press his luck. He said that she said that this is when he became her husband for real. He was just joking about that.

  Howard asked if Emily thought that this was going to be fun making the second one. He said the movie was set to come out right before the pandemic hit. He said they had all gone out and done interviews and were ready for the movie to come out. Howard said he knows it would have been a blockbuster in theaters. He said it has to be heartbreaking. Emily said it sucked on so many levels. She said it was surreal for them and for everyone. She said it had to be weird for Howard too. She said it was so strange but everyone was in a misbelief. She said John knew they were going to have to pull the movie 2 weeks before it was coming out. She said he decided to pull it. Howard said he paints and he's very proud of what he paints. Emily said he's very good. Howard thanked her for that. Howard said when you have a movie come out you want everyone to see it. Emily said she's not sure how to even describe it. She said she's been waiting for people to see it for over a year now. She said that she never tells people to see her movies. She said this one is such an inspired sequel and she's so proud of it. She said it's surreal what went on with it. She said she did Kimmel's show and she was going to do James Corden's show and she heard that they were pulling the movie. She said she still did his show and pretended that the movie was coming out even though she knew it wasn't.

  Howard asked if Emily feels like theaters will come back and that she's a movie star and she can still be one. Emily said she's doing a TV series now so she's not worried about that. She said that films are so much the same these days that you have lost the interesting narratives in film. She said with streaming you can go back to resurgence of movies. She said there's no pressure there. She said she doesn't mind what's happening. She said she does believe that there will always be big event movies that you have to see in the theater. She said she loves going to the theater and she wants to keep going. She said she thinks that people want to go back. She said that people are going to see movies in theaters again. She said we need to start creeping back to the land of the living.

  Howard said the movie is coming out in theaters this weekend. Emily said it will be in there for 45 days solely. She said that Paramount have been very collaborative with that. She said this was made for theaters. She said we'll see what happens. She said it's kind of a test dummy so they'll have to see what happens.

  Howard said he was watching the movie and figured they could have fucked it up. Howard said he thinks that her assessment if the movie business is good. He said all of the movies open on the same weekend. He said that when Crocodile Dundee came out it had to build up. He said they made the movie a hit. He said that doesn't happen anymore. He said with streaming services and all of that they might end up doing really well. Emily said you get more people to see them. She said they have more depth and intrigue to them. Emily said no one expected A Quiet Place to do well. She said it had depth though so it did well.

  Howard asked Emily if she thinks that her career is do big now that she gets an insane amount of scripts. He asked if she passes on something does she think that she's making the right choice and not making a mistake. He said she was offered the part of Black Widow in the Marvel films. He said that she turned it down because she's so busy. Emily said she was contracted to do Guliver's Travels. She said she didn't want to do that. She said she wasn't sure if the super hero realm was good for her. She said the Guliver's thing she had to do an optional picture and she turned down some of the suggestions. She said that she was sort of forced to do it. She said that was heartbreaking to her too. She said that was tough for her. She said she takes such pride in what she does and she didn't have a choice in that.

  Howard asked if they had to have her do a movie in a certain amount of time when she had this optional picture deal. Emily said that she had to get it from being over her head. She said that you hope that the hand isn't forced. She said that she cares about all of her choices she makes. She said you don't know why a movie catches fire. She said when she turns something down she doesn't feel bad after it does well.

  Howard asked if Emily shows up on the set and does her best when she goes to Guliver's Travels. Emily said of course she does. She said that it irked her heart for it to have happened in the first place. She said she makes the best of it when she is in a situation like that.

  Howard asked if she ever thinks about going to the head of the movie company and tries to reason with them. Emily said she wishes she had. She said she was much younger then and she would do that now. She said that she also wanted to get rid of this optional picture thing so she did it. She said that was 10-11 years ago and that may not happen now. Howard said he didn't know that they were doing that with people. Emily said that she was an unknown person at the time and she was emerging and they were banking on her being good and maybe do another movie with her after The Devil Wears Prada.

  Howard asked if she ever stays up late at night and thinks about all of the land mines she could have stepped on in her career. He said he had that the other night. He said he was thinking about what he did in his past and what could have screwed things up. Emily said she thinks about that all the time. She said she remembers wanting to go to Westminster because her sister went there. She said that she wasn't able to get in there and she was so upset. She said she went to another university and she met her agent there. She said he's still her agent and that never would have happened if she hadn't gone to that university.

  Howard said he plays that ''what if'' game and it drives him crazy. He said he tries not to do that. Emily told him not to.

  Howard asked if Emily was afraid that John was a stalker when she met him because he saw The Devil Wears Prada so many times before they met. Emily said that it was kind of odd. She said he knew the movie so well.

  Emily said that she and John drank a lot of McCallum whisky while making A Quiet Place. She said that there was a scene they did and she got upset with him over something and she remembers arguing with him quietly on the set. She said they did have a squabble about that and she won that argument.

  Howard said one of the things in the movie is that these things are attacking people. He said we don't know what they are. He asked if she has to make a back story about them so she has a theory about them so her character has something to believe. Emily said she's not like that. She said all you need to know is that they invade. Howard asked if she ever asked John where they came from. Emily said they didn't come from here so they must have come from outer space. Howard said you do see a flash in the sky. Emily said you don't want to get into all of that because it bores the audience. Robin said the part that she loves is that you don't know.

  Emily said she remembers talking to Chris McQuarey who said that you don't need to know and you don't have to explain everything.

  Howard said he hasn't seen the movie she did with Tom Cruise. Emily said she thinks that he'd like it. Howard said he's not sure how he's missed that film. Emily said Tom is brilliant in it. She said he's a total coward in it and he's funny and like Wile E Coyote. Howard said he's going to get that movie this weekend. He said he thinks he'd like that.

  Howard asked Emily about when she got that movie if she is as nervous as she was on Saturday Night Live. Emily said that they had a vomit bucket there at Saturday Night Live right inside the door as you're about to walk out. She said that they told her that people have thrown up before they go out. Howard asked if they told her who has thrown up. Emily said they didn't. Howard said he thinks she knows who threw up. Emily said she really doesn't. Howard said he'd think going on set with someone like Tom Cruise that tit would make her nervous. Emily said she was scared for that one. She said she had to be in really good shape for that movies. She said she was in training for 3 months before that. She said she was bricking it and she was scared. She said she thought it was going to be a boys club kind of movie. She said she was treated like gold on that movie. She said she still has an injury from that movie but it was amazing to do it.

  Howard asked Emily about going on the set on a boys club kind of movie that she's left out. Howard asked if that has happened to her. She said early on it did but not lately. She said you can get what you want and get your point across but you have to dance around a lot. She said that you can be nice about it but you can't be too direct. She said that she always gets there now. She said she feels she can be much more direct now and it won't be taken the wrong way. Emily said she thinks that she's earned her stripes at this point. She said people are more open to that now. She said on Edge of Tomorrow she felt like they respected her.

  Howard asked if Emily has been asked to do a sequel to that movie. Emily said they want to but it would be very expensive. She said she would love to do it. She said until they figure out what's going on with the industry they can't do it. She said they have to figure out what people want to see. Howard said he thinks the big blockbusters are a thing of the past now. He said they may not be able to get movies into the theater. Emily said no one knows what to do right now because things are so uncertain.

  Howard said people are afraid to go to theaters with the pandemic going on. He said if its on streaming they can get more people to see it. Emily said people are flooding back to theaters so she thinks that it'll be fine. She said that it's not a bad thing to truncate the release to theaters. He said that people want to get back to theaters. She wondered if theaters are any more unsafe than planes. She said it was wild. She said that's why John wanted to try to get people back into theaters.

  Howard said when he has an idea he can get it on radio the next day. He said John spent so much time on this film and he can imagine the frustration from it. He said that they had to sit on this film for a year. He said that they have to worry about so much. Emily said at times it was a neurotic mess. She said that Howard knows what that's like. She said John is very pragmatic and they were just going to wait and it would come back. Howard said good for him. Emily said he didn't lose sleep over it.

  Robin said over in Asia they have had good responses to movies opening. She asked if that's helpful. Emily said it is.

  Howard said he has had thoughts of doing things on radio and he's afraid that someone else will think of it. He said that made him want to get it on the air right away. He said he would have a take on the news or something and he was afraid that someone would have the same idea.

  Howard asked Emily if it's true that John and Emily are going to be in the Fantastic Four movie. He said that would be great. Emily said that she feels like Howard is trying to split them up. Howard said he's not. Emily said that story is not true. She said it's just a rumor. Howard asked if she's too good an actress to take that role. Emily said no. Howard said that she could have been the Black Widow in the Marvel movies. He said that maybe the whole genre is beneath her. Emily said it's not though. She said she was obsessed with Iron Man and she wanted to work with Robert Downey Jr. She said that she's not sure if super heroes are for her. She said she doesn't like them. She said they're not up her alley. She said it's exhausting that there are so many out there. She said that she's not saying she wouldn't play one but it would have to be really interesting to her. She said that movies leave her feeling cold and she can't get in there.

  Howard asked about The Joker. She said that wasn't really a super hero movie. She said that these movies just aren't for her. Howard said Robert Downey Jr. is so great as Tony Stark and he should have won an Academy Award for that. He said that he made you care about that character. Emily said she agrees. She said it's hard to make a big event theatrical movie that everyone wants to see. She said it's wrong to overlook those movies. Howard said Martin Scorsese said that they're not cinema. He said that's wrong too.

  Howard said he's sure that Emily would have been good in Queens Gambit. He asked if she loved that. Emily said she did love it. Howard said what about The Crown. Emily said she loved that too. She said she mainlined that. Howard asked if she sees those shows and think about how she would have played it. Emily said not at all. She said she knows how hard it is to play a role and she's not going to think like that. She said John was talking to Paul Thomas Anderson about a movie and they were talking about a film that John said he didn't like and Paul told him not to say that because they need to take those big swings. She said you make a movie with the best intentions and maybe it doesn't work out but she tries not to shit talk other movies that much because she knows how hard it is to make a good movie.

  Howard said there are some performances that just aren't good. He said it's not shit talk. He said you're an actress and you're constantly evaluating.

  Howard asked Emily who she looks up to that inspired her. Emily said that she looks at Meryl Streep and she think's she can do just about anything. She said she's amazing. Howard said that makes her a better actress too. Emily said she's like a wild animal. She said that she had so many things thrown at her that she fell over. She said she loves working with Benicio too. She said that he's one of her favorite people to work with. She said there are so many she wants to work with.

  Howard asked about working with The Rock and what that was like. Emily said that he's one of her favorite people on earth. She said that the interesting thing is that when you do meet him you think that he's going to be this huge personality. She said he's very quiet and shy when you meet him. She said Dwayne Johnson the most polite man she has ever met in her life. She said he gets put in these movies that are to accommodate his size and image. She said that he was very good in this Jungle Cruise movie. She said he's a joy to work with.

  Howard said you have to be careful of those situations. Emily said she thought he was so funny in Get Smart and she grew up watching those kind of movies. She said that she just wanted to do this movie with him.

  Howard said that she said something interesting about meeting The Rock. Howard said that she was saying that she had to get into his sense and sensibility. Howard asked if you stop knowing who you really are when that happens. Emily said she thinks that she's always going to try to try to be friends with people that she thinks are going to be a challenge. She said she wants to find a way in because she loves people and she wants to know their idiosyncrasies. She said she's not sure why but she's fascinated. She said she loves her job because of that. Howard said he doesn't know the real Howard. Emily said that's not true. Howard said it is. He said he tries to figure out how people just know who they are. Emily said she wants to have the best experience with people and she has to get to know them. She said she can't work in a place of conflict. She said she doesn't work well in toxic environments.

  Howard said he has trouble believing that she grew up a stutterer. He said he's not hearing it at all. He said he doesn't hear a hesitation at all. He asked if she's cleared of being a stutterer. Emily said the interesting thing is that it only arises in certain situations. She said if she has to pitch an idea and pressure gets to her. She said that happens. She said she stuttered a lot when she was pregnant. She said that if she's really tired she stutters too. She said she stutters on the phone too. She said that you can't substitute your name so you have to do gymnastics in your head to keep your flow as even as possible. She said she stutters on her own name so when she calls somewhere that they ask her what her name is she knows she's going to stutter. Howard said maybe just change her name. Emily asked what a good name would be. Howard said how about Sue Reed. Emily said not that name.

  Howard said she needs a nickname like The Rock. Emily asked what that name could be. Howard said he has to think about that. He said that she got teased a lot with that name. He said it's really tough with Blunt as a last name. Emily said she thought she should have a more ''actory'' sounding name. She said her dad didn't want her to change it. She said she's glad she didn't. She said it sticks in your mind. Howard said everyone who made fun of her knows her now. He said that if she became The Cunt like The Rock then she'd have it. Emily said they should pitch that to Disney to put it on the poster. She said it could be The Rock and The Cunt.

  Howard said that she could be The Krunt with her last name and John's last name. She said that they do sign their Christmas cards The Krunts.

  Howard asked Emily if she was on a boat that was sinking and there are two men in the boat with her. He said Benicio Del Toro and The Rock are in the boat and one has to be thrown off for her to survive. He asked who it would be. Emily said she knows that Benicio can swim but DJ is very big so he might just sink. Howard said that he knows that the headline in the paper tomorrow will be ''The Cunt Says Kill Benicio Del Toro.''

  Howard said Ralph saw A Quiet Place II. He picked up and asked how he saw that. Ralph said there was a premiere last year and he got to see it. He said it has to be seen in a theater. Howard let Ralph go after that.

  Howard said he has a big screen in his house and he sat down to watch the movie and he had no audio. He said he and Beth had to see it so he had to go to his smaller TV. He said the moral of the story is don't install a home theater because they never work. Howard said Emily has done it again and charmed his audience. Howard said John is so lucky to be married to her. He said that it has to be great to have her as a wife. He said that she does it all.

  Howard did an impression of Emily and she said she doesn't like that. Howard said he's so bad at doing accents. He said she's really good though. Emily said she got practice doing that because of her stutter.

  Howard went over some of the things that Emily talked about today and mentioned that Seth Rogen had a Tom Cruise story yesterday about him trying to recruit him into Scientology. He said Emily has never had that. Emily said that maybe he just thought she was a cunt and coined that phrase.

  Howard said Emily did a great job with A Quiet Place II and her husband was great as ''Tom Ryan''. Emily said it's Jack Ryan. Howard said he likes Tom Ryan better. Robin asked if Emily what it was like hanging out with Howard of the air. Emily said that she has seen Howard like that and he is a delight and he's very curious. She said she loves talking to him off and on radio. She said she thinks that he's a doll. She said she loves talking to him. Howard said that's hard to believe that anyone loves him but he appreciates that. He said when they were on holiday together he didn't think she liked him that much. He said he didn't think she wanted to talk to him. Emily said that he and Beth did their own thing. She said they were asleep by 8. She said she liked that about them. She said they were all just being idiots and Howard was like a dad going to bed at 8.

  Howard said Emily is much younger than him and Jimmy and Molly were there too. He said they stay up until midnight and drink. He said you have no idea who Emily Blunt really is. Emily said they'd be going to bed as Howard was going out for a walk with Beth. She said that she didn't know how to identify with him on vacation. She said she'd rather do it at dinner. Howard said someone made the suggestion to wake him up out of bed and Beth told them that Howard would kill them. He said she talked them out of it. Emily said Beth knows her customer. She said she stole that phrase from her. Howard said Beth said to him the other day that ''he's a lot.''

  Howard said that Emily is so delightful. He said that the movie is so good. He said just go see it. Robin said that sequels are hard and this one works. Howard said he asked Jimmy Kimmel if it was good before he saw it. He said Jimmy told him it was safe to watch. Howard said that he thinks that the marriage will stay together. He said John lasted through two movies with her. He said that Emily is telling the truth about him going to bed at 8. He said he likes A Quiet Place and people not making noise. He said he thinks that he'd like that kind of world. Howard wrapped up with Emily and let her go.

  Howard said she's a successful actress and a beautiful woman. He said everyone hates hi on vacation. He said Jimmy invited him to this thing. He said he told him that Emily and John would be there. He said he knew that they were going to hate being with him. He said that he was on a different schedule than they were. He said people go on vacation with him and they think it will be great. He said these people don't get their heart started until 10 or 11. He said he wants lunch by then. He said they're not happy with him and then dinner doesn't happen until late. He said then he rushes through dinner and he goes to bed. He said no one wants to go on vacation with him. He said he's not fun to be around. He said Jimmy is a lot of fun.

  Howard said he remembers talking to Emily and John and he tired to start a conversation with them. He said he could see that she was freaked out by him. He said maybe he was uptight because he thinks she's so gorgeous and talented.

  Howard asked Robin if she thinks that Emily really likes The Rock that much. Robin said she has seen him in some things and he's very charming. She said she can see that. Howard said he used to come on the show but he stopped when he got big. He said now is the time for payback. Gary said that he got on the show the first time when Elephant Boy asked if he could bring in a wrestler friend. He said that was The Rock. Howard did his Elephant Boy impression talking about that.

  Howard said he's not sure what to even call The Rock. He said he's DJ and The Rock. Howard said he's enamored with Emily.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Blunt or Ratajkowski is his go to. Howard said Blunt. He said he remembers seeing Ratajkowski in that video with Robin Thicke and thinking that there might be more to her than he thinks. Howard said Emily Blunt is super good looking and can act. He said there's no comparison. He said Ratajkowski must be a headache. He said he can't even imagine that. He said he's a very happy man with Beth. He said they're going to call it a day. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:30am.

• Howard's Hero Liz Cheney. 05/12/21. 7:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: An announcement about celebrating the 5th anniversary of Medicated Pete revealing his large penis on today's show.

  Howard started the show talking about saying that Liz Cheney might be his hero and he never thought he'd say that. Robin said you can't lead a group that's leaving you. Howard said she's the most conservative politician ever. He said she went ahead and said that the election was not rigged and the GOP is going off the rails. He said she's talking about how all of these people are reviewing the election and they're all saying it wasn't rigged. He said she's telling them to stop bowing to Trump and stop being afraid to say the truth. He said she's going to get kicked out of her position in the republican party. Robin said they say she's going to lose that seat too.

  Howard said it's very strange to him. He said it's as if these guys are saying if they don't win an election then it's rigged. He said Trump whined the whole time that the election was rigged if he didn't win. He said then he won the election and he seemed shocked. He said that he claims that he won by more than the votes said he did. He said the whole logic is weird. He said now he claims he lost because it was rigged. He said all of these guys are so afraid of him that they won't say that it wasn't rigged and tell him to just run again. Robin said she's not sure why he's allowed to run again. She said the system doesn't work.

  Howard said he's not sure why these guys are willing to throw away the whole democracy. Robin said they're changing laws because he lost the election. Howard said he finds it all very frightening.

  Robin said in Arizona they're still counting the votes. She said someone is funding it and they're trying to find ballots that don't belong in the count. She said they haven't found any but they're still counting.

  Howard said the republicans are so afraid of losing power that they're afraid of Trump and won't speak out against him. Robin said we're losing the cyber war and falling behind in many things and our country is going to fail at some point because of this stupidity. Howard said they say that we don't have the power to fight the cyber war and Biden had to come out and say that we have to build a better way to fight it. He said we have to have the top people to beat this stuff. He said then the right says we don't want to spend the money to do that.

  Howard said he thought Liz Cheney speaking out was great. He said she seems to be a rational person. He said it's really weird that he has to praise someone for saying that.

• Caitlyn Jenner Discussions. 05/12/21. 7:10am
  Howard said the tother weird thing is Caitlyn Jenner. He said he doesn't care if you're transgender or whatever. He said if that makes you happy then he's happy for you. He said they went up to Caitlyn Jenner and asked her if she voted in the last election. He played a clip and Caitlyn said she didn't even vote. She said that there's on reason to vote for a republican president in California. She said the only thing she worries about out there is the propositions. She said she wasn't able to get excited about it and just played golf. She was asked how to get people excited to vote for her. She said that she's cute and adorable.

  Howard said that he's not sure how you can run for office if that's the way you think. Howard said first of all she's not even that hot.

  Howard said the wackier thing is that it turns out that the records were checked and she did vote. He said he's not sure what's going on there. He said she was kind of dumb when she was Bruce and she didn't get any smarter becoming Caitlyn.

  Howard had Fake Caitlyn on to talk about that. Fake Caitlyn said it must be the hormones. Robin said that maybe a golf ball hit her in the head that day.

  Fake Caitlyn said she learned how to queef. She let one rip for Howard. Fake Caitlyn said that she may have shit her pants doing that. Howard said they say that she has 6 percent of the votes out there in California. Fake Caitlyn said that they did some polling and found she just went up to 7 percent.

  Fake Caitlyn said that she's going to do another queef. She let one rip and said the phone was right there at her vagina. Howard asked if she has an elephant trapped in there.

  Howard said you have to be careful because everything is so new that you can damage yourself. Fake Caitlyn said that she was told not to queef for a while.

  Howard asked if she's ever tried to queef a whole song. Fake Caitlyn said she can try that now. She played Hail to the Queef. She ran out of steam pretty quick.

  Howard said her lady voice is getting better every day. Fake Caitlyn said she tries to keep it up there. Robin asked if she's going to be in a debate with other candidates. Fake Caitlyn said she hopes not because that would be really bad.

  Howard said he's not sure if republicans or democrats are going to like her. He said it's a weird combo. Fake Caitlyn said it's very hard. She said they had George Takei on last week and he's constantly slamming her. She said she just wants to be loved and liked. Howard said he wants to find out who the 6 percent are who will vote for her. He said forget Handjob Connie. He said he wants to find these people. He said it's a very strange thing to lie about not voting in the last election. Fake Caitlyn said she certainly won't say who she voted for.

• Beth Annoyed Howard. 05/12/21. 7:20am
  Howard let Caitlyn go and took a call from a woman who said that she really loves the show and she wanted to let them know that. Howard said that he will take that in and enjoy it.

  Howard said they're going to have Arnold Schwarzenegger on the show today and hypnotize him like they did with Ronnie.

  Howard said he and Beth had an argument while watching Family Feud last night. He said that they were giving the number one answer for one of the segments and Beth started talking. He said he interrupted her and said that they just waited all this time and she talked over it. Robin asked if they have a DVR they can rewind on. Howard said not on that TV. He said it's crazy but he had to do that with that TV. He said he got so upset. He said it really matters to him what the number 1 answer is. He said you don't talk when they're giving that answer. He said she said she didn't think she was ever annoying to him. He said she wasn't until that day. He said they did make up after that.

  Howard said he may have been sexually frustrated. He said Beth was wearing something he liked and he wanted to fuck. She said no. He said this was before The Feud. He said that she said she won't tell him what's going on but no sex. He said she told him that she just got her period. He said that fucking period comes. He said he asked when she's going to go through menopause. He said he didn't care about the period. He said he wanted her. She cares though. He said he wanted to make a mess but she didn't.

  Howard asked Robin if she has ever done that. Robin said she has. Howard said she's his kind of gal. He said he hears her. He said lets make a mess. Robin said not at the height of things. She said at a less active time maybe.

  Howard said they say that women are more sexually sensitive during their period. Robin said that can be true and you can be free because you're not going to get pregnant.

  Howard said women have looked for an excuse to not have sex with him so she was triggering him with that. He said he's heard every excuse there is. He said he got irritable after the Feud thing. He said he likes to think that he could in that show but sometimes he doesn't know the number 1 answer. He said he can't believe it when he doesn't know it.

  Howard said he has a weird story. He said to put a cap on the Feud story is that you just don't talk during that number 1 answer. He said he and Beth love this show called Shtisel. He said it's great. Robin said she thought it was Shitsle. Howard said it's Shtisel. He said she's like the person why says ''smuck'' instead of schmuck. Robin said she knows the right way to say that.

  Howard said when he went to get an apartment for the first time he got this place in Yonkers that was a real shithole. He said he had to meet with the owner to get her approval to live there. He said she likes Jewish people so they were kind of ''wink, wink'' when you meet with her. He said he met with the woman and she asked if he was Jewish. He said just look at him. He said that he looked at his wife and asked if she was Jewish. He said she was but she was from Boston so the woman said that's not a real Jew. He said he thought that was the funniest line. He said she did let them get the apartment. He said what a shithole that was.

  Howard said that woman should have been kissing his feet to take this place. He said it was such a dump. He said it was on a main road and the railroad was across the street. He said you heard trains coming by every 10 minutes. He said then he had to be the right Jew to take the place. He said it was crazy.

  Howard said he and Robin went to look for an apartment and she was kept out of those places because she was black. Robin said they kept looking at places that weren't built yet. Howard said he found some places to look at and they went to look at them and they brought them to a different place that wasn't built yet. He said that he figured they were being messed with racially. Robin said they were looking for like 2 or 3 weeks. Howard said it's such a drag. He said they had to jump through hoops just to get a place. Robin said she had never tried to find a place there before. She said she didn't want to have to put cabinets on the wall. She said she just wanted to move in. Howard said he got really angry and was ready to start writing letters.

  Howard said he told the guy that Robin was really famous. He said he tried that but it didn't work. Howard said he had to pull the guy to the side and asked what the hell was going on. He said he even told him that Robin was Whitney Houston. He said he believed it for a while. He said he should have told him that she was Handjob Connie.

  Howard said he had a weird thing happen with Beth. He said they were listening to Coffee House on Sirius. He said they have changed their format a little bit. He said they always have that on in the house. He said it's great for parties and stuff. He said this song came on and Beth had such a reaction to it that she said she was changing the channel. He said she was so upset with the channel that she changed it. He said it said on the display ''Change the channel.'' He said the song was called ''Change the Channel'' by Mia Gladstone. He said she must have made a song just to make people change the channel. He said it's so weird. He said that has never happened before. Howard played some of the song for Robin. Howard said Beth changed the channel. He said they were so shook up that the name of the song was change the channel that they never changed the channel. He said Sal would say that's a sign. He said he thinks the song is growing on him now. Howard said that she has another song called Cancel Your Subscription.

• Calls And Robin's Cancer Diagnosis Anniversary. 05/12/21. 7:35am
  Howard took a call from a woman who said she loves Robin. She said she loves them both but Robin more. She said that she's been an inspiration the past few months. She said that she knows that everyone should get the vaccine. She said that she got her second one on February 18th and it literally saved her life. She said she had a mammogram in November and she got her second shot on the 18th. She said she had a large lump in her right breast after the shot. She said people thought that was from the shot. She said it was on the other side so she went to the doctor and they did a biopsy and found it was breast cancer. She said that her doctor told her that if she didn't have that shot it could have been years before they found it. She said the shot saved her life.

  Howard said he is a big proponent of getting the shot. He said that he doesn't think one thing has to do with the other. The caller said that the doctor told her that she may have found it eventually but not as soon as she did. Howard said he's not sure how the shot had anything to do with this. He said she may have discovered the lump either way. Robin said she's saying that it excited the lymph node and did make it larger. The caller said it went from the size of a pea to the size of a baseball in like an hour. Howard asked if she's really only 51 years old. He said she sounds more like 90. The caller said that she really is but she has had some Chemo treatments. Howard let her go a short time later.

  Howard said that he has to mention Robin's miracle anniversary. He said he woke up to this text today. He said it was 9 years ago yesterday that she was diagnosed with cancer. He said he gets chills from that. He said that it was really bleak for Robin. He said he read this anniversary text and he remembers what it was like for him when he found out. He said if you don't believe in miracles you should. He said she got the worst kind of cancer she could get and the worst diagnosis. He said that Robin's attitude is what got her through it. He said she was unbelievable. He said she was down at times but she carried on in a way that saved her life he thinks.

  Robin said that Howard got her through that initial period of the first 2 weeks. SHe said if that hadn't happened she's not sure what would have happened. She said she was convinced that she couldn't go through it. Howard said it brought back a lot of incredible memories. He said he doesn't even want to think of it. He said there are miracles and Robin is a walking miracle. He said it's been 9 years. Robin said they never said anything to her other than the doctor saying that they were going to try to save her life. She thought the surgery was supposed to save her life. Howard said it's such a great thing that she took it on and her attitude was just so great. Robin said she still remembers those conversations they had. She said it was the worst thing. She said they had to make a lot of decisions and it was all rushed. She said it was a horrible situation to find yourself in. She said she was very lucky.

  Howard said when he told Fred about the diagnosis and Fred went out and bought a shovel. He said he was ready to put her in the ground. Fred said it was a gold shovel.

• Fake Arnold Hypnotized. 05/12/21. 7:45am
  Howard said he's going to bring on Arnold Schwarzenegger. He said he's going to have him hypnotized by Scott Schmaren. Howard got fake Arnold on and told him what they were going to do. He said he's going to take a commercial break and then get to this hypnosis. He said they're going to turn him into a woman like they did with Ronnie. Arnold said they can give it a try but he thinks this is crazy. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.

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• Howard Disgusted By Porn. 05/12/21. 7:55am
  After the break they played a phony phone call with clips of Gary yelling at a guy to take another hair brush in his ass, a Triumph the Insult Comic Dog Stern Show promo, a ''Benjy Bronk Fast Forward Button'' commercial parody, a George Takei message for the producers of Jeopardy and Marvin Gaye's ''Let's Get It On.''

  Howard came back and said this is a sexy song. He said it was amazing with Caitlyn on earlier queefing. He said he didn't know she could do that.

  Howard said they were talking during the commercials and they have proof that America is a nation of degenerates. He said the most important thing was to get back to the Kentucky Derby after quarantine. He said that the most degenerate thing you can do is bet on horse racing. He said that and porn are the most important things in America. He said he was watching some porn yesterday and he was so disgusted by it that he wasn't able to jerk off. He said he was so disgusted he just gave up. He said he decided to wait for Beth to be off her period.

  Howard said this video was a girl who is with her mother and step father and she's home from school. He said she's wearing the typical school outfit. He said the father says to her that they're doing construction in the house and she has to sleep in the bedroom with her parents. He said there's no couch in the house apparently. He said the father is gross looking. He said they have too many tattoos. He said the daughter goes along with this and she goes into bed with the high heels and the school girl outfit. He said that she must have gone to the same school as Handjob Connie. He said the father is looking at her ass so you know there's going to be trouble.

  Howard said they go to bed and the father is on his side and the mother is already asleep. He said the girl comes in with her top off. He said the father tells her to put a top on. He said she goes to sleep between the parents and that's already weird. Robin said the mother could have been in the middle. Howard said exactly.

  Howard said the father looks the girl over like a wolf. He said he touches her vagina over the panties. He said this was creepy even with him. He said he loves step everything porn. He said Seth Rogen even wrote in his book that most porn is about step parents and their step kids.

  Howard said these three are stacked like 3 horny sardines. He said the girl is so asleep that the dad is pulling her panties to the side and she's not waking up. He said he's watching this and thinking that it's really disturbing. He said it's just not right. He said that the guy was playing with her titties and he just got out of it. He said he didn't want to see that. He said this girl was asleep. He said he had just had it. Robin asked if it was an FBI sting operation he was watching. Howard said even Robin's father never went with that construction going on in her bedroom excuse.

  Howard said they never have the mother participating in any of this. He said she's asleep and an idiot. Howard said from now on it's only wholesome porn.

• Fake Arnold Hypnotized... Part 2. 05/12/21. 8:05am
  Howard said he has to get to Arnold. He said they have him in the other room. He said he's told he's fully hypnotized. He said if he says ''maid titties'' then he will think he's a woman. Howard had Fake Arnold come back in. Arnold was very relaxed and when Howard asked how his ''maid titties'' are he went into a woman's voice. Arnold said her name is Ariana. Robin said that's a beautiful name. She thanked Robin for that. Howard asked Ariana how she looks. She said she looks like a sexy milk maid with big farm jugs. She said they say she looks like the Swiss Miss girl on the box or Pippi Longstocking. She said Howard is very handsome. She said his voice is very sexy. Howard thanked her for that. He said she sounds like a sensuous woman. Ariana said she likes to experiment. She said she might like to try anal. Howard said Robin could teach her a lot about that.

  Howard asked Ariana if she has large breasts. Ariana said she hasn't measured them lately but she has 34-D cups. Howard said he could see her in a titty dress. Ariana said she hardly has any muscles. She said that guy Arnold goes to the gym but she stays home and does yoga.

  Howard said that she's a charming girl. He said she's winning him over. Howard said he likes that she's petite. Ariana said she has puffy areolas. Howard asked if she shaves herself. Ariana said that she likes to have a clean slate down there. Howard said he's getting the picture.

  Howard asked Ariana if she's attracted to Sal. Ariana said she has seen him on the show before and she would love to get her hands on his huge foreskin and peel it back like opening a present on Christmas morning. She said she heard he likes to make food and asked if he would toss her salad. She got turned off thinking about his cock cheese and that he wears make up.

  Howard asked Ariana about Richard. Ariana said she likes a strong musk so that's okay that he doesn't shower so much. She said he looks like Michael McKean and a pumpkin had a baby. She said it's creepy that he likes the horror movies too.

  Howard asked about Baba Booey. Ariana said she has very sensitive nipples so Gary's teeth might bite her too hard. Howard asked about Ronnie and if she's attracted to him. Ariana said he has a bush moustache and that might be too prickly on her lady parts. She said that she's also afraid of the dildo going from his ass to her vagina. She said she doesn't want him to hurt her. She said that would be going too far.

  Howard asked Ariana about JD and if she's attracted to him. Ariana said he's kind of boyish but that's okay. She said he's kind of like the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

  Howard asked about Benjy. Ariana said that she'd have to be hypnotized and be drunk to be with him. She said she's not sure that it would work on her. She said she'd have to be drunk for sure.

  Howard asked if she's into Robin at all. Ariana said she's not into vaginas at all. She said that's disgusting.

  Howard asked about Ralph and if she's attracted to him. Ariana said she thinks she's good either way. She said she wishes him luck on his journey. She said he's kind of hard to read.

  Howard asked if Ariana is attracted to Fred. Ariana said that he's hot riding motorcycles. She said she wants to ride with him up the coast to the tip and back. Howard said you can go with Fred and stare off for 10 minutes and drive back.

  Howard said that he's going to change her back to Arnold now. Howard thanked her for visiting. He asked if she has any last words. Ariana said she's thinking of Fred with her tits flapping in the breeze. Howard said she's everyone's fantasy.

  Howard said ''Maid titties'' again and Arnold came back. He asked what the hell is going on there. He said he remembers some of what happened and how his tits were flapping in the breeze. He said that he didn't know that would work. He asked if he was hot. Howard said he was. He said he wasn't happy about the Ronnie dildo being in his ass. Howard thanked Arnold for coming on. Arnold came as he thought about all of that stuff.

• Fan Feedback And Howard's Misery. 05/12/21. 8:25am
  Howard let Arnold go and got to some fan feedback. He read a few things about Emily Blunt's interview yesterday. Howard said Beth was listening to it and she said that the story was true about him going to bed around 8 while everyone else was up late. Beth warned them not to wake him up or he'd kill them. Howard said he's not fun. He said he hasn't been invited back. He said that he goes to bed at 8 no matter who he's with. He said that they're fun people and it would be fun to stay up but he just goes to sleep. He said that's just the way he is. He said it's all nonsense to him. He said never invite him on a vacation. He said he doesn't even think about trying to power through it to have some fun. He said he's not sure what he'd miss.

  Howard said he has never vacationed with other couples before. He said he gets up early and has breakfast at 4 or 5 in the morning. He said he and Beth go for a walk after that. He said he wants to enjoy the day. He said when he was 10 years old he wanted to stay up all night. He said he's not sure why it's so great as an adult.

  Robin said he didn't stay up to see. Howard said if Emily was going to be naked at night because she drank too much that might be worth staying up for. He said that's not going to happen though. He said that he'd go on vacation and he'd be ready for lunch at 11 and everyone else is just getting up and getting their vitamin B shot.

  Howard said they would want to go out to eat at like 8 or 9. He said that's just not fun for him. He said he doesn't get it. He said it's not fun staying up at night. He said he eats around 5. He said no one is there when he's out. He said he doesn't drink either. He said he's always hungry. He said he doesn't eat all day. He said he waits for dinner. He said that they can eat and have drinks with dinner. He said it drives him crazy when they go out and the couples want to have drinks first. He said he can deal with his reality while they can't.

  Howard said they stayed in this house that was rented and the accommodations were horrible. He said he's not sure why he'd want to go somewhere. Robin said to live less well. Howard said one of the couples gets the best bedroom. He said that he wants the good bedroom. He said he's older. He said he sees mice walk by in his bedroom. Robin told him to stop it.

  Robin said it sounds like Jimmy can handle just about anything. Howard said Jimmy is able to relax more than he is. He said he's a great guy. He said they were going to go to Italy with them but he backed out. He said he doesn't want to do that. He said that he doesn't want to have to wait to have dinner with them. He said he just wants to have dinner with Beth. He said he doesn't need groups of people. He said he's not into that. He said these people make bad decisions. He said they're not what he wants to decide. He said he can't let go.

  Howard said he knows he's not fun and he tells them that they don't want to go away with him. He said you don't want to be with him because he's not a pleasant human being. He said he's not a fun guy. He said Ronnie is a fun guy. Howard said just ask Baba Booey how fun he is. He said he ruined his party. He said he fixed everything there. He said Gary had this nice party and he had an orchestra there and had them out on the patio so he shut the door. He didn't care if they weren't able to hear them.

  Gary asked if someone invited you to a dinner and start it at 7 when do you expect it to be over. Robin said maybe 9. Howard said the cocktail hour went until about 8 and that's when he's miserable. He said he had to talk to Gary's guests. Gary said it was just the staff. Howard said that's right and he sees them all day.

  Howard said they had this lovely dinner and he didn't care. Gary said he started the party at 6 and dinner at 7. He said Howard was screaming for dessert at 8:42. Howard said he couldn't take it. He said he just wanted to pull up at his house and have dinner handed to him in a bag and leave. He said he went to a dinner party once and they said he was ''hangry'' while he was there. He said he admits that he's a terrible guest. Gary said if they say be there at 6 people show up at 6. He said Howard showed up at 5:40. Howard said he wanted it to get going. He said he would have come in but Beth said that's rude and they had to wait. He said he got in the car and says that it wasn't fun being there but Beth said she wanted to have dessert.

  Howard said if he got there early he would have been in and out before anyone eve saw him. He said the idea of a party isn't fun for him. He said he's having his own party at home. He said he watches Feud, FBI and all of those shows. Robin said they have a guy hosting Jeopardy this week and he's really good. She said it's Bill Whittaker. Howard said you have to get professionals in there. He said forget Ken Jennings.

  Howard said no more parties Gary. Robin said Howard threw a party for her a couple of years ago. She said that she didn't thinks she had to worry because the dinner would be short. She said they got there at 6 or something and it went on and on and she didn't leave until 10. She wondered how this was a Howard party. Howard said he's not sure how that happened. Gary said that Howard will leave his own party at his own house. Howard said he will. He said that he read that Hugh Hefner used to do that. Robin said maybe it's an OCD thing with him. Howard said it could be. Robin said she once watched him and saw him about to make his escape and she stopped him. SHe said as soon as her attention was diverted he was gone. Howard said that's just what he does. He said if people are having a good time he's not going to ruin it. He said he just slips out the door and that's it.

  Howard said Robin threw him a party once and she had him at the table of honor. He said he ended up sitting alone. He said no one wanted to sit with him. He said you'd think that people would want to sit with him but they run away. Robin said it was odd. She said he was sitting alone. Gary said he left him alone there because he has complained about him talking his ear off. He said he thought that he'd give people the opportunity to talk to him but no one did.

  Howard said he's no fun. He said Jimmy hasn't given up on him. He said he still wants to go on vacation with him. He said he likes having Jimmy over to his house. He said he's a good guest. He said if he wants to come to his house he's fine with that. He said Jimmy is like a potted plant and knows how to hang.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he's curious about his relationship with Beth and if he feels like he's smothering her. He asked if he thinks that's bad for the relationship. Hard said not at all. He said he's an easy going guy in a relationship. He said Beth can stay up if she wants to. Robins said he left Beth at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame dinner. Howard said he was there under protest. He said he loved Jon Bon Jovi but he wanted to say no to all of that. He said his therapist said he might have fun going. Howard said that wasn't going to happen. He said this guy had to give him a pep talk like you wouldn't believe. He said he went and he was miserable there. Robin said he arranged to have Bon Jovi inducted first so he could get out of there. Howard said he did that. He said he wanted to be taped first so he could get out of there. He said he couldn't believe that he had to got to Cleveland. He said that was crazy.

  Howard said he got to the hotel and he heard noise. He said he wasn't able to sleep. He said Beth tried to calm him down but it wasn't working. He said it was ridiculous how they built that hotel. He said he doesn't think that the builders spend one night in those rooms. He said he had a noise machine and he could hear voices over that. He said it wasn't as noisy as he thought it would be but he went crazy. He said he had to stay in the hotel because it was near where the hall of fame was. He said he had to do a rehearsal and he wasn't able to hear anything. He said he's such a miserable man. He said he should have Jeff Bezos money. He said he'd buy up every room in the hotel if he had that kind of money. Robin said one of her friends was part of a hotel situation and some king or sultan would come to the Plaza and take the entire floor. Howard said that's not good enough for him. He said he wants the above floor. Robins said this was the top floor and he would rip out everything in the entire floor and they would redecorate it like his house. Howard said he likes that. He said that guy must have some money to do that. Robin said he had a plane to fly himself and then a plane for the entire house. Howard said that's living. Robin said he had live flowers in every room and they were changed out every day. Howard said he doesn't like flowers. Robin said she knows that. Robin said one day they had to get flowers in the bathroom before he got there. Howard said he's not that intense.

  Howard said he had a shusher at the old studio. He said he had a hot water person too. He said he didn't have time to boil water.

  Howard said he got to the hall of fame and he watched Bon Jovi do their thing. He said then The Cars came on. He said he wanted to watch that but he had to go to bed. He said he just told Beth he didn't want to be there and he went to his room. Howard said he's not smothering Beth at all. He said she gets to go out and do what she wants. He said he goes to bed and she can do her thing.

  The caller, Chris, said that it sounds just as important to spend time away from each other as much as time with the person. Howard said he's not married to her to be away from her. He said he wants her to be with him. He said he's happy at home. He said he's not looking to vacation with people. He said you're just torturing him.

• Handjob Connie Theories And Rock Hall Of Fame Talk. 05/12/21. 8:50am
  Howard said they got a lot of mail about Handjob Connie. Howard read some of the feedback about her. A lot of people wrote in about how funny that story was. Howard said listeners have some suspicions about that whole thing. Someone did some math about the year car Ronnie was driving and the age that he claimed he was. The math didn't add up there.

  Howard read an email from someone who said that Connie may have been a man because she never let the guys touch her or see her body. Howard said that got him thinking. He said he had a horrible feeling about that. He said that he was thinking that she may have died when she got in the car with the wrong guy. Robin said she was thinking that someone else was taking the call and then this girl would show up and not speak.

  Howard said Chris Wilding was thinking that Connie was a man too. Robin said she just stared and never said a word. Howard said it's possible. He

  Howard took a call from a woman who said that she was at the induction ceremony for Bon Jovi and Howard did a great job there. Howard said he's a performer. He said once he's on stage he does his job. He said he was doing it for the band. He said he put on a good attitude and made his speech and that's it. Robin said it can only last while he's on stage. The caller said he did a great job. She said her hotel room was really loud and she had to change her room so she gets it. Howard said Beth can sleep in a car with other people in it.

  The caller said they announced the new inductees for the hall of fame. Howard said he actually voted in it this year. He said he got the ballot and he figured maybe he'd vote this year. He said he thought he was too cool and famous to vote. He said he got very angry about it. The caller asked if everyone he voted for got in. Howard asked the guys for the list. Howard said he has the list.

  Howard said Foo Fighters he voted for. He said Tina Turner he voted for. He said The Go-Gos he voted for. He said he doesn't think he voted for Jay Z or Todd Rundgren. He did vote for Rage Against the Machine. He said Carole King got in and he voted for her too.

  Howard said Rage didn't get in. He said Foo Fighters got in though. Howard let the caller go after that. Robin said that Jon voted twice because he beat Gary in the contest. Howard said he was trying to remember who was on the list. He said Devo and some others were on the list. He said Chaka Kahn was on the list and he may have voted for her.

  Howard went off on psychics and said that he knew a woman who said she didn't go to therapy but she would call her psychic six times a day. Howard said he watched this show called Couple's Therapy and it's really good. He said the therapist is kind of cute. He said they have one gay couple and they lay it all out there. He said he was torn about the show. He said he's not sure what real therapist would allow this on TV. He said you can't have real therapy on TV. He said she's a really good therapist but it's criminal to put them on TV. Robin said that's what she told Dr. Drew about Celebrity Rehab.

  Howard said they were trying to find Handjob Connie. He said they're taking it seriously. Howard played a commercial for how they're looking for her. They're asking if you have any information on her then call 833-STERN-SHOW. Howard said they have gotten 7 calls so far and people are saying that it's Ted Sarandos' wife. He said that was just a jokes. Howard said they have hired Dan Rather to find her and he's out in the field doing a report on what his search is like. Howard took the call from fake Dan who gave an update on the search. He was at the site where Ronnie got his hand job 55 years ago.

  Fake Dan asked a woman about Handjob Connie and she just stared at him and she's undoing his zipper now. He said she's not jerking his penis. He asked if she cupped the balls and spit on the head. Howard said that's too much detail. He asked if Mr. Rather will take this seriously and find Connie. Dan said he will and he's going to spend a few more hours with this woman.

  Howard said he believes that he can find Handjob Connie. He said he just became the story. Howard let him go.

  Howard said a lot of fans were excited about Cheap Trick being on the app. He read some comments about that.

  Howard said the fans liked the Wendy the Slow Adult game they played yesterday. He read some feedback about Wendy and the game.

  Howard said Wendy has a birthday coming up on Saturday the 15th. He said he wants to wish her a happy birthday. He played her a birthday song parody. Robin asked how old she'll be. Howard said that's rude to ask that about a woman's age.

  Howard said he has some exciting news. He said a woman is on the phone claiming to be Handjob Connie. Howard took the call and it was a guy saying his real name is Frank. He said he was out of his mind at the time. He said he remembers Ronnie calling him up and he'd go meet him and jerk him off. He said he was out of his mind at the time.

  Howard asked what his life is like now. Frank said he's just into working on cars and playing football. He said he was confused back then. Howard asked if he would give Ronnie a hand job now. Frank said sure for old times sake. Howard let him go and said he doesn't think that was really Handjob Connie. They went to break after Howard did a live commercial read.

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• More Music Talk. 05/12/21. 9:20am
  After the break they played a phony phone call fake Joe Biden made to Wendy the Slow Adult, a George Takei message about Colton Underwood and Hole's ''Malibu.''

  Howard came back and said here's a little Hole. He said he was thinking about Courtney Love yesterday when he was listening to Lithium. He said he was thinking about how good that band was. He said that they had a great album. He wondered what happened to her. He said just listen to this song. Robin said that there was a lot of fighting with Billy Corgan and after that there was no more Hole. She said that it was that and the death of Kurt Cobain. Howard said that Billy worked on this with her. He said she wrote those songs and he wrote with her. He said Courtney said she wrote this for Stevie Nicks and Billy made it so good that she kept it for herself.

  Howard said that if he was voting in the top 100 on Lithium he'd vote for this song. He said he missed out on that voting. Howard said Gary was asking why he didn't vote for Todd Rundgren. He said he told him some stories about what he worked on and he said he just didn't know that stuff. He said he shouldn't have been given a ballot. Gary said you don't have to do research. He said it's in the booklet they sent you. Howard said he didn't read it. He said he voted for who he thought should be in the hall of fame based on who he likes.

  Howard said they made up a lot of categories for the hall of fame. He said it's a way of getting people into the hall of fame that didn't have that much success getting in. He said they've been trying to get Kraftwerk in for years. He said no one ever votes for them. He said no one cared. He said they came up with a category to get them in there. He said they got in this year for ''early influence.'' Gary said they were the godfather of electronic dance music. Robin said she doesn't want them in there then.

• Gary's New Hobby. 05/12/21. 9:25am
  Howard said Gary's new thing is that he joined a group on Facebook who love Scotch. He said that's his new hobby. Gary said he's not buying cases of wine he won't drink like Robin. Howard said everything Gary does annoys him. He said he had to go to vinyl parties and now he's joining Scotch groups. He asked what he knows about it. Gary said it's whiskey from Scotland. He said that he prefers smoother Scotch and not the peaty Scotch. Robin asked what that means. Gary said it has to do with the area of Scotland where it comes from.

  Howard said this is what annoys him about Gary. He said he doesn't know what the peaty thing means. Gary said it's a harsher taste than a smoother Scotch. Howard said he has to get his hands on him. Gary said he's not participating in the group.

  Robin asked what he likes. Gary said he likes something called Hibiki from Japan. He said he also bought some Johnny Walker Gold that was changed. He said they did something to it and they were discontinued it for a while. He said that it didn't taste the same. He said he found a guy who had six bottles of the old stuff and he bought that from him.

  Howard told Gary to tell Robin how he drinks this Johnny Walker gold. Gary said you put it in the freezer and you take it with some chocolate. He also doesn't like big ice cubes because he likes the small cubes to dilute it a little bit. He said he doesn't like the big cubes. Howard asked if he really likes the taste of it. Gary said he does. He said he just joined a Scotch of the month club. Howard asked if the bottles last forever. Gary said he has friends over and he'll drink with them. He said he has a Johnny Walker Blue Ghost in Rare that's like $500 a bottle. He said he has some Hibiki that's around the same price.

  Howard asked what they're paying Gary that he can afford that. He said he didn't know they were paying that much.

  Howard asked how they justify charging that much. Gary said it's the aging. He said that $500 is the top of his limit. He said he won't pay more. He said he just knows what he likes.

  Howard asked if he organizes it like he does with his vinyl. Gary said he has it in a cabinet and it's not organized. Howard asked how his weight is. Gary said it's good. He said he was up to a ridiculous number like 225. He said he put on about 15 when he had his knee problem. He said he took some weight off but has to get rid of another 12 to get where he wants to.

  Howard asked when he drinks this Scotch. Gary said it's on a night when Mary might have some wine. He said he might have 3 glasses of Scotch. He said he got some special glasses to have it in. He said he will fill the glass about half way. He said he has some ice in there to melt. He said he's sure people will call and complain about how he drinks it.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said Gary is a loser because he doesn't know shit about Scotch. He said he needs to write an audio book about what he knows about it. He said Peat isn't an area in Scotland. He said that he used to work in a liquor store because that's the kind of guy who buys the most expensive shit. Gary said he didn't say that Peat is a region of Scotland. He said he was told that the peatyness comes from this area. The caller said that it comes from Islla and it's an island off the coast of Scotland and that's where the smoky whisky comes from. He said that Johnny Walker blue stuff is what they would sell and laugh their asses off at. Gary said he knows. He said that people think it's over rated. The caller said Gary doesn't know shit about Scotch. Howard asked if he's saying that he's a rube. The caller said he is a rube. He said he doesn't know Scotch. Gary said everyone thinks they're an expert. Howard said this is what he imagines going on in the Facebook group. Gary said it is what goes on. He said they get this guy in there and he thinks he knows everything.

  Howard asked Gary what this peatyness means. Gary said that it's a flavor. He said it's a very strong and harsh flavor. He said it's not smooth. He said it's smoked and not smooth. Robin said that smoked doesn't mean it's not smooth.

  Howard took a call from fake Gary's wife who said she just drank all of his Scotch. She told him to shut the fuck up already. She sounded drunk and said she loves the peatyness. She said that Gary knows all about everything. She said he has a list.

  Gary said he never said he was an expert. He said he just said he likes it. Howard said he tried to use that peatyness word and he didn't know what he meant. He said it's just harsher and that's what he meant.

  Howard said he wants to get out of this. He took a call from a guy who said he used to sell Scotch. He said he used to go to Scotland and when he was over there they said that they ship the shit to the Americans because they don't know any better. He said he loves the show and loves Gary too.

  Howard said he knows nothing about it. He told Gary to tell it to the wall. He said his father drank Scotch and it was disgusting. He said he can't imagine anyone liking it. Gary said his dad would come home and his mom would start yelling and his dad would keep drinking and pouring and pouring. He said he'd have the J&B bottle there and he'd just keep pouring them. Howard asked if she got upset with him. Gary said his father would do this move where he'd take the paper and hold it up like a wall. He said his mother would take the appear and ball it up and throw it at him. Howard said his dad was a good guy. He said he can't imagine what that was like for him. Gary said his dad came home every night and tried not to engage her. He said it went to shit every night.

  Howard asked if he would try to talk her down. Gary said he would. Howard said that's the greatest. He said that he knows what to get Gary on his birthday now. He said he can get him some Scotch.

• Ass Napkin Ed, Will The Farter And More On Cameo. 05/12/21. 9:45am
  Howard said they're taping a special today and he has to end the show on time. He said the show is called Howard Stern A to Z. He said it will be on in a few months.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Ass Napkin Ed bit with Chris Wilding was brilliant. He said that he laughed his ass off. He said every time Chris is on he's brilliant. Howard said he really is. He said he's glad he brought up Ass Napkin Ed. He said he's trying to get over the word ''Peaty'' though. He said that really threw him off.

  Howard said what they do on a regular basis is check Cameo. He said it's a crazy thing where celebrities sell themselves to give birthday messages. Robin said it's gotten bigger and bigger since the pandemic. Howard said that a friend of his told him it's paying off and turning into a big business. Howard said that's not right to charge your fans for birthday messages. He said there has to be a better way to make money. He said he thinks it's absurd. He said it's also brought out this Ass Napkin Ed who has a Cameo. He said he charges $19. He said that's a realistic price. He said he went on and watched some of the videos. He said he does this thing with his eyes and they start to bug out of his head. He said this is worth $19.

  Howard said he has no idea what he said in this one. He said here's what you get. He played a clip of Ass Napkin Ed doing a message for someone and he was just mumbling and rambling and said he hopes they're doing okay. He sounded kind of out of it. Howard said they have to categorize this stuff. He said this was supposed to be a pep talk.

  Howard said you can buy a message from Mandy Moore on the same site you get on from Ass Napkin Ed. Robin said you would be amazed at the list of people who are on Cameo now. Howard said it's not good for their career. He said it's a mistake to charge your fans for this stuff.

  Howard played more of Ass Napkin Ed doing this Cameo for someone named Matt. Howard said you get your money's worth out of this. Robin said he hasn't said a complete word yet. Howard said he thinks it's worth $19. He said he likes it. Ass Napkin Ed was going on and on and threw out a Baba Booey to ya. He was still trying to get the guy's name right by the end of it.

  Howard wondered if he thinks he nailed it by the end of the video. Howard said you're missing the visual of his eyeballs popping out of his head. He said he thought he was going to bend over and show his asshole with worms coming out of it.

  Howard said the other person on Cameo is Will the Farter. He said he's still going at it. He said he was having ass problems but he's still doing it. He said his visual is great. He played a message that he recorded for a guy. Howard said Will charges 50 bucks. He said that he was born without an asshole. He had to have surgery to make him an asshole. He said he has this special ability to fart super loud. He said he makes money off of this. He said he could get surgery but he won't do it because he's afraid that they'll ruin his farting.

  Howard played the message that Will recorded where he farts for this guy Ben. Howard said the guy is risking his life doing this now. He said he has blood coming out of his ass from this sometimes. He said farts are just funny. He said his sound wet all the time so it sounds like he's about to shit his pants. He said he shit in their studio once. He said they didn't leave because of the pandemic. He said it was because of that.

  Howard played more of Will's message where he farted out a happy birthday song. Howard said he thinks there's construction going on. He said he loves that guy. Robin said that's at lest worth $19 but Ass Napkin Ed isn't worth that.

  Howard said he has a few more to play today. He said Chris Tucker has a Cameo. He said he charges $1000. He said his message was 16 seconds. He said for a thousand bucks it should be longer. He played the message where he wished a guy a happy birthday.

  Howard said that Dennis Rodman is on there. He charges $750. He said he watched this like 3 times and he has no idea what he was talking about. Howard played the message where Dennis is talking about how much he loves Vladimir Putin. He said he's not sure if someone hit him in the head or what. In the message Rodman is calling himself D-Rod and talking about the person being Russian and saying that he should tell Putin he loves him.

  Howard said he thinks he said he loves Putin's style. Robin said she's not sure what he was saying. Howard said he's not sure for sure he said that but it sounded like it. He said that's why he loves Dennis. He said he grew up in America and he has no idea what he's saying. He said when you think about the history of this country this is our top Korean diplomat.

  Howard said this guy he found is the best. He said he's The Great Khali. He said he was in a few movies and he was a wrestler. He said he can't tell who the Cameo is for or what this was about. He said it cost someone $100. He played the clip and the guy was mumbling his way through the message. It wasn't clear at all. Howard said wrestling must be real because he seems to have a concussion. He said there's nothing fake going on there.

  Howard said that he should do an impression of that guy and just mumble. He said people would think he's lost his mind. He said he always thought that Andre the Giant was hard to understand but this Great Khali is really hard to understand. He played more of his unintelligible message.

  Howard said he also found Kevin Sorbo on there. He said that he's another one who has turned into a hard core Trump guy. Robin said he's a religious conservative guy. Howard said he charges $80. He said he was Hercules years ago. He said he tries to be a regular guy but then at the end he's against masks and talking about that. He said if you want a message from him maybe that's what you want. He played the message and he was talking about how he's not anti-mask but he's pro-face. He said he's tired of the masks. He was about to get into the mask thing but then stopped himself.

  Howard said he wants to see that guy in a mask. He said he's sure the people who paid him didn't want to hear him giving his thoughts on all of that.

  Howard took a call from fake Great Khali who was mumbling the same way that the clip was. He was going on and on about something but it was all unintelligible.

  Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that Cameo has been very good to him. He said he was on for about a year and made $18,000. He kept asking if they could hear him. Howard asked if he can hear him. King said he never stopped being on Cameo. Howard told him to get off the phone. He hung up on him.

  Howard said King is $45 on Cameo. He said he wanted to find out why he stopped doing it. Robin said he said he hasn't stopped. Howard said it's amazing. He said he actually tuned out of his own show when he called in.

  Howard said Michael Che will be on the show next Tuesday. He said that he thinks he has a book out or something. Gary said he has a special coming out. Howard wrapped up the show and ended it around 10:15am.

• Thursday Replay Show: Monday Encore. 05/13/21. 7:00am
  This morning's replay show was an encore of Monday's Howard Stern Show. You can read details for all three live shows above. Here's what they played this morning:
  • Mother's Day, Saturday Night Live And More. 05/10/21. 7:00am
  • RIP Tawny Kitaen. 05/10/21. 7:15am
  • Seth Rogen And Emily Blunt Previews. 05/10/21. 7:30am
  • Chinese Rockets And Other Scary Things. 05/10/21. 7:40am
  • Beth's Photo, The Pandemic And Some Calls. 05/10/21. 7:55am
  • Howard Wonders ''What If'' About His Past. 05/10/21. 8:15am
  • Donnie Vie, New Phony Phone Call And Fan Feedback. 05/10/21. 8:35am
  • Seth Rogen Visits. 05/10/21. 9:05am

• Friday Replay Show: Tuesday Encore. 05/14/21. 7:00am
  This morning's replay show was an encore of Tuesday's Howard Stern Show. You can read details for all three live shows above. Here's what they played this morning:
  • Where In The World Is Handjob Connie? 05/11/21. 7:00am
  • Ronnie's Hypnotism Sessions. 05/11/21. 7:35am
  • Fan Feedback. 05/11/21. 7:45am
  • Wolfie's Mom Will Get Vaccinated. 05/11/21. 7:50am
  • Some Calls And Cheap Trick. 05/11/21. 8:00am
  • Relationships And A Wendy The Slow Adult Game. 05/11/21. 8:25am
  • Caitlyn Jenner Interview Clips. 05/11/21. 8:45am
  • Emily Blunt Visits. 05/11/21. 9:00am