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Robin asked if he did his hair this morning. Howard said he saw his mother for the first time in a year yesterday and she asked what was going on with it. He said she asked when he last had a hair cut. He said it's not that easy with the pandemic. He said she told him with his hair he has to cut it. He said he couldn't wash it this morning because his bathroom is infested with ants. He said he's not sure what's going on but it's so gross he has to get someone in there to take care of it. Robin said they always have something going on in that house.
Howard said he put his glasses down and had an ant crawling on it. He said he had them on his arm too. He said there's something going on and letting them in there. He said Beth cleaned the bathroom and none of it worked. He said fuck that and let a guy with chemicals in there.
Howard said he saw his parents and they're 97 and 94 years old and look a mess but they were making fun of his hair. He said his dad was telling him that he looks like some guy. He said he told him he was like a musician. He said his mother was basically saying that he's ugly. He said he knows he looks like shit. He said his hair grows fast and he has to get a hair cut. He said he's not sure when that will happen. He said with the ants and all of this. Robin said it was great he saw his parents. Howard said sure it was. He said it's been a year but so what.
Robin asked if they were happy to see him. Howard said everyone is nervous. He said they were just waving goodbye. He said he gave them a hug but he was nervous. He said he doesn't like going near people anyway. He said he didn't hug them. He said wait another 2 years.
Howard said he felt kind of ugly yesterday. He said it was kind of depressing seeing his parents after a year. He said they're so old. He said he remembers his father bounding up the steps after work but not anymore. He said his mother used to complain with verve. He said now she's got less energy. He said he told her she looked great and she was talking about how bad his hair looks. He was doing his impression of them as he was talking about that.
Howard said he figured he had better get a hair cut. He said what a mistake it was to broadcast on TV. He said they started out on E! and then they had Howard TV. Robin said that Howard is the only one who could ruin radio by putting cameras on it.
Howard said now you can see his hair on the app. He said he's barely holding on. He said he's mental and physical now. He said he's a broken man. Robin asked when he went to see them. Howard said it was in the morning. He said he was nervous about being in their place. He said he told them he was coming and said he wanted to sit outside. He said his mother wasn't into going outside. He said he went inside with them. Robin asked about opening a window. Howard said there was no opening the windows with them either. He said it was too nuts. He said she was afraid that people would recognize him if they sat out. Howard said he has a mask on. He said his mom told Beth she looks beautiful. He said that she always gets that. He had his mother talking about how lucky he is. He said Beth never gets criticized.
Howard said his parents are talking about how great Beth looks and then talking about how bad his hair looks. He said his father said he looks like a musician and he has no idea which one but figured it was Geddy Lee.
Howard said he talked to his dad about the news. He said he was asking if he reads the paper. He did his impression of his dad talking about Biden and Trump with him. He said that's the whole conversation. He said his dad was talking about something he has no idea about. He said he was trying to figure it out. He said he thinks he was talking about one of his doctors.
Howard said then he was pissed about the dentist. He said during the pandemic he wanted to go to the dentist and his mother stopped him. He said he told his mom to tell him the dentist went on vacation. He said he stopped bothering her. He said finally they went to the dentist and it turned out he had a chipped tooth. He said he was probably uncomfortable. He said his dad stared in with him about that. He did his impression of him talking about that.
Howard said he had Wayne Segal take care of his dad's car and had it towed away. He said that he had to get it away from him. He said that he buys all of the cars for them so he did that. He said that he had Wayne rig it so it looked like it was broken. He said that his dad won't buy a car so he didn't have to worry about him getting another one. Howard said you don't expect to live until 97. Robin said that he worked less in his life than he's not worked. Howard said he worked until 57 and then retired. He said he has been retired ever since.
Howard said it was depressing. He said then he went home and his bathroom was filled with ants. He said he had ants on his face. He said he wasn't able to wash his hair. He said he has to do something with it.
Robin asked when the ants arrived. Howard said it was the other day and it wasn't so bad. He said then they got worse. He said Beth doesn't want to put anything down because they have the cats. He said he has to get rid of them though. He said they have to get someone in there to take care of it. He said his has never happened before. He said they got them once when they had cat food in a certain area. He said he thinks that the shrubbery is the cause of it this time. He said Beth is working on getting someone there. Robins said she has Captain Dennis to help her with things like that. He said he told Captain Beth to get rid of these things.
Howard said everything seems out of control. He said his parents talk so loud that he can hear what they say when he leaves. He said a couple of years ago he stood outside and listened. He said he heard his dad talking about how terrible he looks. He said then the neighbors hear that and hear how bad he looks. He did his impression of them talking about how bad he looks.
Howard said they only visited for about 25 minutes. He said that's about as long as they can take. He said his dad was asking what time it was as soon as they got in there. He said his dad just wants to be by himself. He said they don't talk that much. He said his dad tries to hear what's going on. He said he knows lunch is coming up soon so he asks what time it is. He said his dad loves lunch. He had his parents talking about what they love to eat.
Howard told Robin not to look her up because he loses her when she searches on her computer. Robin said that can't be the right name. Howard said she has 10,000 subscribers. He said that's a lot. He said that he was watching her talking about this leather journal cover and she was talking about it like it was a person. He said she was talking about how beautiful ''he'' was. He said that these women are orgasmic over this.
Howard said he has started writing in a journal but he doesn't like doing it. He said this girl is so happy talking about it. He said she loves it. He said he loves it. He said that he finds it relaxing. He said he has all of her stuff. He said he has to get on this web site with the leather journals. He said that he wanted to get this Sheik Sparrow journal but they're all sold out. He said he's watching all of this stuff and trying to buy it all. He said it's all handmade stuff. He said they're also into traveler's notebooks. He said he was cleaning all of his pens yesterday too. He said he cleaned them in the bathroom. He said another sink he uses broke so he has to get that fixed. He said everything is breaking down.
Howard said he has to get a skylight fixed in the house too. He said that's leaking. He said that he has to get rid of the ants. He said that's making him nuts. Robin said he went on vacation once and had ants in the room and he got right out of there. Howard said that was in Turks and Caicos. He said what a shithole that was. He said he had to get out of there. He said they had cans of stuff with skull and crossbones on it to get rid of the ants. He said he and Beth got out of there in 2 days. He said he calls it Ants and Caicos. He said everywhere he goes there's ants. He said he spent a lot of money on that place. He said he didn't even try to get a refund. He said he just gave up.
Howard said he learned his lesson years ago about not leaving the house. He said his mother was talking about how she doesn't know and he asked her what she doesn't know. He said she didn't know. He said that she's always been depressed. He said he taught her to ride a bicycle because she didn't know how to ride one. He said that she got on it and she loved riding it around. He said she eventually figured out it was too dangerous. He said she was on pills for a year or two and she was a completely different person. He said he liked her when she was on those pills. He said that she became an inhalation therapist. He said she was cleaning out the mucus from people's lungs.
Howard said for a while his mother was on the antidepressant and then she found Transcendental Meditation. He said then she got happy from that. He said she found a natural way to be happy. He said that she's 94 now so nothing wears off that. He said he learned a good lesson yesterday. He said he learned that you want to go out and live your life now and not wait until 94 or 97. He said fuck it. He said you don't want to die in your 30s, 40s, 50s or 60s. He said maybe when you get to 80 something you might want to check out. Robin said she knows some spry 90 year olds. She said she knows that person who drives herself to Florida every year. Howard said you want to be spry or maybe check out. He said it's been a rough couple of days honestly. Howard said it's nasty business. Robin said that was his March madness.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he looked up this AdventureDenali and she does this thing with her hands and she overacts. He said her hands are flying around. Howard said he loves her and he doesn't want to be negative about her. He said she's his joy. He said he's going to visit his parents and enjoying AdventureDenali. He said that she was making him happy. He said it was all so great to watch. He said don't make fun of her and leave her alone. Ralph laughed and said he'll leave her alone.
Robin said she wondered who they made this stuff for. She said it's for Howard. Howard said he finally finds someone he likes and Ralph is talking about overacting with her hands. He said he sucks the joy out of everything.
Howard said he likes this girl and Brian Goulet. He said he wants them to marry and adopt him. He said Ralph is complaining about her hands. He said that he can't even have Ralph over to his house because of his behavior. He said he had to fuck it up by getting drunk and banging on his neighbor's door asking where Howard lives. He said that he vomited on himself and then his washing machine is full of peas and carrots. He said he had to clean his clothes in there. He said Ralph left his cigarettes on the counter and put a big burn mark on the counter. He said that's the kind of guy Ralph is.
Howard said he can't even get the guy out of his house when he wants him out. Robin said he's a squatter. Howard said he's Aggravation Denali. He said that he used to wonder who watches the unboxing stuff. He said now he knows. He said he's watching it now.
Howard said he's a mess. He said it distracts him though so that's good. Robin said she would know it's over for her if she started watching that stuff. Howard told her not to ruin it for him. He said he likes the pen thing and the journaling. He told Robin about some of the pens he's buying. He said he will show her tomorrow and then she can have him locked up in a mental institution.
Howard said he heard about what's going on in Manhattan. He said the homeless are shitting all over the place. He said he has a friend who has a homeless woman who shits between cars right outside his place. Howard said they're mentally ill and we're over run. He said that everyone is mental now.
The caller said it doesn't have a smell and it's pet safe. Howard said thanks for that tip. He said that this guy is his AdventureDenali of ant killing. He asked if he's on YouTube. The caller said not yet but he's thinking about it now.
Robin said she saw some boxes in her bathroom and maybe that's what Captain Dennis put in there. Howard said he has to tell Beth about this stuff.
Howard said this stuff is called Max Force FC Bait Gel. He said that's what he needs.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to bitch about Michael Rapaport posting messages to make someone look bad. He said that he'd love to hear Ralph's opinion on that. The caller said he'd never post private messages like he did. Howard said he's not sure what he's talking about. He said he kind of zoned out. He said this guy is all over the place.
Howard said Michael Rapaport was all over his news feed this weekend. He said he was suing a thing called Barstool Sports. He said that he had a show on there and went on and said something about ''stoolies'' who are fans of Barstool Sports. He said he thinks he said they're idiots if they call themselves stoolies. He said Barstool got upset and apparently fired him. He said Rapaport started talking shit about Barstool and they started selling a shirt with Rapaport on the shirt with a big herpes sore on his face. He said that they got him back. He said Rapaport gets pissed off and says he's going to sue them for saying he has herpes. He said it didn't even say he has herpes. He said it was just a sore on his face.
Howard said Rapaport had this big lawsuit going and evidently the judge ruled that it was bullshit and threw the case out.
Beth came in and asked if she wants the bug guy to come today or get the stuff. Howard said they need to do both. He said they have to take action. He said that his poor wife is covered in ants right now. He said he was so mad yesterday. He said everything went wrong. He said that he tries to chill for an hour by turning his phone off. He said that Beth can have it on all day. He said he hates it. He said he hates texting. He said he turned it off and then later in the evening he turns it back on and there's a text saying ''Bang o'clock'' and he missed it. He said it was hours that he missed out on. He said that she could have called him or stopped by. He said she knows that he turns off his phone.
Robin said she knew he turns off his phone. Howard said of course he does. He said he can't ignore it. He said if it rings he has to answer it. He said he loves Beth so much. He said he's not sure what he'd do without her. He said she looks good too. He said he feels he just looks terrible. He said he's feeling like Ronnie now. He said they were laying in bed watching American Idol. He said it's getting to the important stuff now. He said they're down to the final 24. He said they were going to watch John Stamos' new TV show. He said it's really good. He said he's coming on the show soon to talk about that. He said the show is Stamos as a coach. He said it's really good. He said that he watched the first episode and thought it was really good. He said he's caught up in it now. He said he hadn't spoken to John in a while and gave him a call. He said John was upset that he hadn't called him in years. He said that they were just joking around. He said he got married and didn't invite him to his wedding. He said they got past all of that and he told him he really liked the show. He said it's charming. He said it's called ''Big Shot'' and it's on Disney+. He said John is getting older now and he likes that. He said he Facetimed with him and he showed him his wife and kid and where he's living. He said he thought he was in heaven. He said that John is really good looking and he's with his son who is even better looking than him. He said he's a young kid but you can tell. He said he got off the phone with him and he was cover in a wool cap and a winter coat. Robin said she hates Facetime. Howard said it was invented for people like John.
Howard said he was thinking that Stamos was going to be fucking the women on the show but he thinks he's done. He said John used to have all of these women in his house but now he's done. He said he settled down. Robin said she went out to lunch with him once and the girl got up and went to the bathroom and John told her not to tell her about the play because he had another woman he was dating.
Howard said he's happy for John. He said he told him he was and he really wasn't happy. He said in the pilot there's at least 5 references to how good looking the guy is. He said that he'd never have that if he was in a show. He said the show is a sweet show.
Howard said he should get back to Rapaport. He said the news was that you never sue someone for putting out a herpes shirt. He said that's what the news was all about. He said Rapaport lost the lawsuit. He said for some reason Rapaport has a relationship with Kevin Durant. He said Durant plays for the Brooklyn Nets. He said that they DM each other. He said it seems to him that he broke the bro-code. He said he was DM'ing with Kevin and this herpes stuff comes out. He said that Kevin and Rapaport going back and froth and Kevin called Rapaport some names. He said that they were probably play fighting like Rapaport likes to do with people. He said he likes to shit talk. He said that Rapaport published the DMs. He said that they happened a couple of months ago and the Nets met with Durant over the language he used. He said that they could fine him over the laughing he used. He said on Friday they fined him $50,000. He said that he bets that Rapaport didn't care about the homophobic stuff. He said he talks to Gary like that all the time.
Gary said what set Rapaport off was the line about his wife not respecting his bitch ass. Gary said Rapaport said that he went over the line when he brought up his wife. Howard said Rapaport goes after Gary's wife all the time. Gary said yes but only about her dating a monkey.
Howard said then Rapaport must have felt bad and issued an apology. He played the audio of Rapaport talking about what happened and how he'd never talk to friends like that. He said that's not the way he banters. He said it's not locker room talk. He said he caught him on a bad day and it all got blown out of proportion. He said that he has had to learn to deal with stuff like that and he feels bad about it and they have to move forward.
Howard said they have to be fair. He said Michael does do all of that shit talking. He has some examples. He played some audio of Rapaport going off on people on the show and other people. Everything he said he doesn't do in that apology they had examples of him doing.
Robins said maybe he doesn't hear himself. Howard said don't act like you don't do that stuff. He said that's your shtick. Robin said he's been doing it for years on this show. Howard said now he's being called a rat for doing this. He said he's not sure if he'll even call in about this. He said maybe he won't.
Gary said he texted Rapaport and he hasn't responded. He said that he may just want to be left alone.
Howard said he doesn't get why he's saying he doesn't do this to people. Robin said he's even saying that he isn't really friends with Durant. Howard said he's not sure what the fuck is going on. Gary said they made a video together. He said they are friends. He said he thinks he's realized he fucked up and he's not sure what to do.
Howard said he can dish it out but can't take it. He said he's the same as he is. He said he can dish it out too but he can't take it. Gary said when the herpes shirt came out he came on the Wrap Up Show and he told him he bought one of the shirts and he got upset with him about that. He said he asked him not to talk about it. He said Rapaport does have some rules. Howard said so he can shit talk Gary but no one can do the same to him. Gary said he once got a call from Rapaport saying that he was outside his window with duct tape and he was going to sneak into his house and fuck him in the ass. He said he figured he could actually be outside.
Howard said Rapaport says that some things are off limits but then he can do whatever he wants to Gary. Gary said he can't say what he wants off limits because he'd go off on him either way.
Howard said that Gary was talking about how he thinks he's friendly with Rapaport. Gary said they are but there's a civility when they go out to eat. He said whenever he's out in L.A. they go to the same place. He said they talk like normal human beings. He said he thinks there's a nice guy in there but then he calls the show and calls him a monkey and says he should die. He said he wonders where that comes from.
Howard said Rapaport is all upset about Barstool putting a picture out of him with the sore on his face and then he throws a picture of the owner of Barstool with him getting fucked in the ass. Gary said that he thinks that he's going to lose work over that photo of him with that sore.
Gary said someone just put up a picture of Michael with that thing on his face. He said it was a real thing. He said it's almost like a twin on his face. Howard said he wants to see. Jason put it up for him. Robin let out a ''Whoa!'' when she saw it. She said it's big but not like Herpes. Howard said whatever it is you can't win a lawsuit. He said he saw the image they used and it was a cartoon. Howard said he'd be pissed if someone put up his Direct Messages. Robin said he didn't put up his side of the conversation. Howard said thought he did. Robin said the guy on the phone said he took his side out.
Howard said he doesn't understand the full impact of this but if he's not calling in he must not be happy about it. He said people are pissed about the Durant stuff. He said he's a beloved guy in the league. Gary said he might be the second best player right now. Howard asked who the first is. Gary said Steph Curry probably.
Howard said he thinks Rapaport didn't think this all through very well. Gary said they had Rapaport on to talk about Matt Berry and how he wasn't able to respond to him in the way that Rapaport talks to him. He said Rapaport said this is the way he's going to talk to him and Berry had to stop coming on the show. Howard said this is all so crazy.
Howard said Mariann is worked up over this. He took Mariann from Brooklyn's call and she said this is so great and she told him to come out. She said shame on him. She said last year at this time he said she had Coronavirus and she didn't. She said this is great to hear. She said she doesn't trust him at all. She was very happy about all of this.
Howard said he has no feeling for the Nets. He said he loved the Knicks from the time he was a boy. They talked about where they moved from and how they used to play for the ADA. Gary had some history for Howard about that stuff. He said they're doing well this year too. Howard said he misses going to the games. He said he doesn't want them to get too good because then he won't be able to get tickets.
Howard said he was hoping that Rapaport would call in but he must not want to talk about it. He said he might be hurting. He said he may be getting a lot of shit thrown his way. He said take your time getting on.
Howard said he was watching a CNN interview where they asked his transgender advocate what pronoun she wanted them to use. She said ''She and her.'' He said this transgender person was really attractive. He said if you get started on hormones early you can really get that look down. He said the only downside to getting on the hormones early is your peen gets super small. He said when you get your vagine they don't have enough to work with. He said you can look like a born woman if you start the hormones early enough.
Howard said people in the Arctic consider ''Eskimo'' to be derogatory. He said they prefer to be called Intuit or Enoch. He said it turns out Robin was right. He said that he was ready to move to Alaska to get a job in radio. He said that was his point. He said he would have learned what's derogatory if he had moved there. He said he was so bad on radio that he's sure they wouldn't have hired him there. He said he tried to get a job in Maine and he was turned down. He said now a kid can turn on their iPhone and have a show. Robin said its crazy what kids can do these days. Howard said he had to learn his craft and work for his job. He said that now it's just easy and he hates it. He said he used to be the guy but now anyone can do it.
Howard said the problem is that to get noticed you have to do crazy stuff. Robin said not this 19 year old she's see. She said the kid is having a lot of success.
Howard said the guys said that this trans woman he saw may be Raquel Willis. He said they might be right. He said that she was born a man. Robin said she loves how he's amazed by this stuff. Howard said they have perfected this trans thing. He said she looks like a woman.
Howard said he was thinking about how good looking she was. He said that they were talking about transgender women playing sports and stuff. He said you have to cut the shit. He said that Jazz wanted to play soccer but they wouldn't let her play. Robin said she heard Martina Navratilova talking about this. Howard said they should just cancel sports. He said just go do whatever and do it in whatever league you want. Robin said maybe trans people could start their own league. Howard said he'd love to watch that.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who knew more about the weed thing in New York. Jeff said it's like California but they won't be able to get it like they do in California. He said it'll be a while but they will be able to buy it eventually.
Howard said he likes Seth Rogen a lot and he started his own weed company. He said Seth and Snoop are two guys who should have their own weed stores. He said they came out and talked about smoking it even when it was kind of taboo in Hollywood. Howard said he doesn't smoke weed but he's for legalization of it. He said when he saw Seth's weed he was shocked at how good it looked. He said it was soft and gooey. He said before he drops dead he feels like he should try his weed. He said he's not sure he could handle it though.
Howard asked Jon Hein what he has. Jon had the details about the weed laws there in New York. He said you'll eventually be able to get deliveries at home and you can grow personal use plants in your home. Howard said it's about time. He asked Jon if he smokes. Jon said he has but not now. Howard said he's not sure why anyone would be against it. He said it's going to be a gateway to other drugs if it's legal or not.
Robin asked what's going to happen to people who are in prison already. Jeff said they will all be released. Howard said he doesn't know about that. Jeff said he heard that on the news. Howard said they should be. Robin said people in Colorado have been locked up and haven't gotten out. Howard said they have to let them out.
Jon said it means a lot of income for the state so that's why they're excited about it. Howard said he knows people who smoke and there are still some people who prefer to buy weed illegally. He said he would go to a store in a minute. He said he'd rather get it wrapped up nicely.
Howard asked Gary what he thinks. Gary said he has bought it legally in California. He said that it's not cheap. He said they charged him $120 because it's taxed so high. Howard said people might still get it illegally then because they can save money.
Howard asked Jason if he would continue going to a weed dealer. Jason said it's worth it to pay the tax. He said the choices you have and the control over what you're getting is there. He said he'd pay that tax. He said he does worry about his weed guy though. He said he will abandon him for the legal stuff. Howard asked if he has talked to his weed guy about it. Jason said he has and he's kind of laid back about the whole thing. He said he has had this guy for 10 years and he's so on time and he's just great. He said he did tell him that if he's looking to invest in something he might go in on it with him. Howard said this guy knows how to run a business.
Howard asked how much Jason was spending a month with him. Jason said it was $700 a month. Howard said he's imagining he's not clearing the 700. He asked what his profit is. Jason said he'd imagine maybe 300 a month. He said he's not sure if he's claiming that stuff on his taxes.
Jon told Howard about how they are going to start expunging people who were charged but it doesn't say that they will be released from jail.
Howard asked Jeff if he's going to buy from the store if he can. Jeff said he thinks he would. Robin said his weed guy had better look for a different profession. Howard said Jeff has no money so he can't imagine who he was going to. Jeff said you can't really buy shitty weed anymore. He said it's all pretty good. He said you used to get all stems and seeds. Howard said that's what he used to get when he was young and buying that stuff. He said it would rip the paper and it would pop like fireworks.
Howard said he used to like the weed back then because it didn't give you a huge high. He said he just wanted to look cool so he smoked it.
Jeff asked Howard to leave him on hold so he can listen to the show. Howard said he likes to do that. He said he's Jeff so he's special. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said this is a great cover. He let it play for a little bit. He said what a good song. He said he once tried so sing it and hurt himself.
Howard took a call from a woman who said her son was born a girl but identifies as a girl now. She said he was born female and came out to her a few years ago. She said she identifies as a boy now. She said this happened when he was 13. She said that she'll always respect that. She said they just started hormone therapy a few weeks ago.
Howard said now this is the religious freak issue that they're taking up. He said just let people be who they want to be. The caller said that now they're trying to take away the hormone therapy from kids. She said she has a healthy and happy son now. Howard said that people don't get that. He said it might wake them up when the kid is suicidal. The caller said she'll never understand that.
Howard said it's just affecting the person who is going through it so just let them be. The caller agreed. Howard said he's proud of her for getting it. He thanked her for the call and let her go.
Howard said he's so sick of so called religious people who don't act like it. Robin said the Pope was for gay people but then he came out saying they can't marry people who are committing sin. Howard said he must have gotten feedback about how people feel and he changes his tune.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who said if Michael Rapaport doesn't call in he should be banned from the show. He said he's been helping his career for a few years now. He said he did a TMZ interview and now he's not calling Howard. Howard said that he will probably call in at some point.
Howard said he was in bed watching American Idol last night and Beth was talking about how handsome Ryan Seacrest looks. He said he doesn't need to hear that. He said he's probably a good guy but he doesn't like people who get to announce just because they're good looking. He said its just annoying. He said his wife told him how good looking he was and he said he's really not. Robin said his hair is getting long. Howard said Beth likes that look where he's not so groomed looking.
Howard said that he was thinking about how good looking Lionel Ritchie looks. He said he's 71 and he gets up and starts dancing around. He said he feels like he has to get up and move around when Katy and Luke are dancing. He said for a 71 year old he moves real good. He said he looks good even though he's obviously had work done. Robin said she never would have thought he was 71. She said she had to look him up.
Howard asked if Robin has been watching this news about Matt Gaetz. Robin said of course. She said you can't avoid it. Howard said he didn't like that guy so he's glad. He said he was reading about how he may have had a relationship with a 17 year old and paid for travel over state lines. He said that's where they get you. He said he may have paid for sex from some women too. He said he claims these are false claims. He said he's not sure who he thinks is trying to extort money from him. Robin said they say it's his father they're trying to extort.
Howard said a few hours after the allegations came out he was on Tucker Carlson's show. He said that he tried to give him a softball interview but then Matt tried to throw him under the bus. He had some audio from the show where Matt brought up how this has happened to Tucker too. Howard played the clip where Gaetz said that Tucker had been accused of something that he didn't do so he knows how it feels. Howard said you can tell the guy was shook up. He said that he must know that it's something different because it was someone he had never met.
Howard said he wasn't done there. He said he tried to say that he went out with this girl to dinner with him. He played the clip where Gaetz said that he had gone to dinner with Tucker and ''a friend'' who was harassed by the FBI. Tucker said he doesn't remember that at all.
Howard said if he were Tucker he'd never want to have that guy on the show again. He said he backed off. He said he's more worked up about Pepe Le Pew being taken out of Space Jam.
Howard said when you're on Tucker Carlson they're throwing you a softball. He said that the only one who can get out of that kind of shit is Trump. He said he'd be calling it fake news and claiming he had never met this woman. He said that he will tell you he doesn't know Stormy Daniels. He said that he'd just say she's too ugly. He said these other guys don't know how to get it done and just deny, deny, deny. He said that Trump called Stormy a horse face. He said that's how you deny it.
Howard said Trump won't take responsibility for anything. He said that he called Ted Cruz's wife ugly and Ted bent over and took it. He said he kissed Donald's ass after he did that.
Howard said Gaetz did the wrong thing and got into even worse shit. He said it didn't work.
Howard took Michael's call and said that he saw more news on him than ever before. He said he was the news. Michael said it was pretty crazy. Michael said he just woke up so he doesn't know what's been said yet. He said hearing that he should interview him like Eric Andre. Howard asked him if he has gotten fucked in the ass by a gorilla. Michael laughed at that.
Howard said he did his best to explain all of this earlier this morning. He said the laws are very clear about parody and he knew he was going to lose the case. Michael said there's more going on with the case and the defamation part will be appealed. He said they are going to trial. He said that it goes beyond what Howard mentioned. He said there were things about him beating women and things like that. He said he was accused of other things and that's what brought up the defamation thing.
Howard said in other words he's going to court over the firing. Michael said yes. Howard said he also found it shocking that he'd release that stuff that Kevin Durant sent him. Michael said he's not friends with Kevin and they've only met once. He said he gets DMs from people where they threaten him and insult him. He said he takes those and roasts people. He said they call it the Shame Game. He said Durant reached out to him and he wanted to do the Shame Game with him. He said they did that game and it's online. He said that's how he knows him. He said he reached out to him a as fan and he met him as a fan. He said he's never seen him again and never spoke to him again. He said they don't have each other's numbers or anything.
Howard said he's not sure why he would be upset when he does the same thing to people. Michael said not to friends. He said he and Booey do that sometimes but he can look at Gary and talk to him as a person. He said he considers him to be a friend. He said he doesn't know Kevin Durant. He said that when someone says they're going to spit in your face and mentions his wife that's not right. He said he was dealing with a lot that day and he hit him at the wrong time. He said he brought up his wife and that was going over the line. He said he didn't look at him as Durant, he looked at him as someone threatening him and his wife. He said if he knew it was going to turn into what it did over this 5 day debate maybe he wouldn't have done it. He said that they're not friends. He said he doesn't threaten to spit in Gary's face or anything like that.
Howard said he has to play him some audio. He said he played this earlier this morning. He had some clips of him shit talking Gary and other people when he claimed he doesn't do that to friends.
Howard said he enjoys his trash talking. Michael asked if that's him. Howard said he's sure that's him. Michael said he doesn't recall that. Howard said that's the stuff he said to Gary and JD. Michael said he doesn't remember that. He said it didn't sound like him. Howard said he's sure of it.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on here but Kevin Durant had to pay a $50,000 fine. He asked if he would offer to pay that for him. Michael said fuck no. He said he feels bad that the whole thing turned into what it did. He said that he will be fine. He said there are ramifications that hit him too. He said you don't mention someone's wife when you don't know them. He said that's what Durant did to him.
Howard asked if he regrets anything he said about Gary in the past. Michael said no. He said he doesn't regret anything he said about that fucking gorilla. Howard asked if he regrets anything he said about JD. Michael said not at all.
Gary got on and said that he's not sure why Michael thinks this is funny to him. He said he's not sure why when someone asks him not to talk about certain stuff like with Matt Berry but then he turns around and does the same thing and it's somehow a different thing. Michael said this is a lawsuit and the Matt Berry stuff is a different story. He said there were other people messing with Matthew.
Howard said that what Gary is saying is that if you tell someone that something is off limits and then he doesn't do the same for someone else you can't have it both ways. Michael said that it wasn't just him with Berry. He said other people were bringing it up too.
Howard asked if anything will change with him and if he has been banned from the NBA games at all. Michael said not at all. He said one time he brought a broom with him to a game and that didn't go over very well. Howard said it might be weird if he shows up to a Nets game. Michael said he doesn't think so. He said there's no official ban from the NBA or anything. He said he's been told they can't hook him up with tickets now because of the broom thing. He said he can be more open when he's on sports shows. Michael said that he got his court side seats taken away after he said something about the Knicks.
Howard said it appears that he can dish it out but he can't take it. Michael said he can take it. Gary asked if he regrets giving out his private messages. He said he'd be bummed if someone did the same thing to him. Michael said this isn't a text. He said it's not a private thing. He said if you threaten him then he's going to expose it.
Howard said Michael loves mixing it up so he must love this attention. Michael said he doesn't. He said that when he calls the show he's an exaggerated version of him. He said that this is a learning experience for him. He said this is the maddest his wife has ever been with him. He said when it goes beyond that then he's not happy. He said his mother wasn't happy with it either. He said that he's playing a character when he calls the show so he's a different person.
Howard said he doesn't think that Durant was talking about his wife in a negative way. He said it was about how she doesn't respect Michael. Michael said it's the way he was talking about spitting in his face and things like that. He said he's probably the only person he'd really want to fight. He said he wasn't afraid of him at all.
Howard read the quote from Durant where he mentioned his wife. He said it wasn't so bad. Michael said don't mention his wife. Gary said that Michael says that he's not sure how his wife stays with that gorilla. He asked if that's just them being pals. Michael said he's not sure he ever said that. Howard said he used to trash Brent's wife on the air all the time too. Michael said he's not sure what he's talking about. Gary said that he has just mentioned his wife and he's saying you can't even mention a guy's wife.
Michael said that he just mentioned Brent since he left the show. He said that's odd that he's bringing it up now. Howard said you can't say that you don't mention a wife but he did it. Gary said he's wondering how he can mention his wife but no one can mention Michael's wife. Michael said if you're offended by what he said in the context of the show he's sounding like a bitch. Gary said he's deflecting now. He asked why it's okay for him to mention his wife. Michael said he's mentioning her in the context of Gary being Baba Booey.
Howard said Gary is a good sport and never wanted to sue him. Michael said that if Gary wants to play a game then he'll play a game. He said that he met a friend of his out in L.A. named Scott. He said that Gary asked why he never mentions he has a black wife because he would have more street cred. Gary said that he didn't say that. He said Michael thinks that he can say more shit than he normally could because he has a black wife. Michael said that he called into the show because he feels like he's a friend of the show. He said now Gary is pulling this.
Gary said he'll answer Michael's question after he answers his question about the wife thing. He asked why it's okay for him to talk about his wife. Michael said it's always complimentary when he talks about his wife. Michael said he never talks about her. Gary said he has a million times. He said he'll go back and get the audio if he has to. Michael called Gary a Long Island racist fuck. He said that he'll play games if he wants to. They went over the thing that Gary said about Michael and how he feels that he can get away with more than he can because of who he's married to.
Howard said they should get on topic. He said he wants to know if he's banned by the NBA and if he's upset about the brouhaha that he's caused. Michael said he has not been banned but he will be more careful when he deals on social media. Howard asked if he'll apologize to Kevin Durant at all. Michael said he doesn't know how to get in touch with him. He said that he thinks that the clip he played articulates how he feels about the whole thing.
Howard asked if he will continue to threaten to butt rape Gary. Michael said if he means Baba Booey then yes. He said that he only does that to Baba Booey. He said he won't do that to Gary. Gary said it's not like he can tell the difference.
JD said that Michael claims that he can take it but he has told him that he's going to spit in his knot and things like that and he comes back at him with gay stuff himself and he asks him to stop. Michael said that's because he sent out a porno video on the group chat and everyone told him to stop it.
Howard asked if Michael can take it or is it a double standard. Michael said all he did was ask them not to talk about the lawsuit. Howard asked what that thing was on his face that they were goofing on. Michael said the short version is that he has something called ulcerative colitis. He said that he's had it since he was a teenager. He said this stuff he was taking was making the condition worse. He said that he had this thing on his face and it wasn't going away because his body wasn't healing itself. He said that it was his immune system not working right because of this medication he was on. He said he went to doctors and they were concerned about it. He said that medicine gave him lung issues too. He said it was a serious thing so that's what it was.
Howard asked if Gary is friends with Michael or not. Gary said he doesn't need to sit and talk with Michael. He said he doesn't want to be in the Michael Rapaport business. He said he just wants to be left alone.
Howard asked Michael what he's feeling. Michael said as a fan of the show when he hears Gary humiliate Howard he will call in. He said when he hears him talking about shitting softballs he'll call in. He said he will continue to call in about that stuff. He said he does that because he's Baba Booey.
Gary said for a working actor he seems to have all of this extra time. Michael said he's working on A-Typical right now and he's coming to New York soon to work on another show. He said he's never stopped working. He said he's so fucking dope that he can be himself and call into the show when he's working. He said he can still call in and ask about his big brown teeth.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who wanted to ask a question. King said he didn't like that shot he took at Howard a while ago. Howard said he's not sure what the shot was. Gary said he knows what it was. He tried explaining it but Michael was talking over him and King was talking over Michael. Howard said the shot was about not talking about Brent leaving the show. He said that wasn't a shot. He said he's not offended by that. Howard said he's not offended by it.
Howard asked King what he has to say. King said he's not sure who Michael thinks he is telling Howard how to run his show. He said that Michael is a white guy who marries a black woman and he's jealous of all black men. Howard said he didn't know he was married to a black woman. King said it's weird that he married a black woman. Howard asked why it's weird. King said it's just weird when you hear about a white person with a black person. Howard said it's really not.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said this is all ridiculous and there are so many worse things they should be worried about. He said that they're arguing about a cold sore. Howard said that there's more to it than that.
Robin asked what it was that he's suing Barstool Sports about. Howard said he thinks it had something to do with him saying that the name stoolies is stupid. Michael said he's not going to talk about the lawsuit at all. He said that's not happening. Robin said she'd stake her reputation on it starting from something stupid. Michael said he'll explain it all when the suit is over. He said that's all he's going to say about it.
Howard said he thought that Michael put out a shirt where he was fucking the owner of Barstool Sports. Michael said that's not true and he has the wrong information.
Michael asked what his shot was at him. Howard said it was the Brent thing. Howard said he makes it a policy of not bringing that stuff up. Michael said that he was just saying that there are people who work on the show who have asked him to mention it possibly. He said he knows that when people leave the show they don't talk about them. Howard said that's because they're not there to give their side. He said if you're not there then you don't exist. Howard said if you're there then you exist. He said if you're not then you don't. He said it's not his job to keep the ball rolling.
Gary said Michael didn't sell a shirt of him fucking the guy in the ass, he gave it (the photo) away for free. Michael said that's wrong again. Gary said that he did post a picture. Michael said that's correct. He said it had nothing to do with a t-shirt.
Howard thanked Michael for calling in and giving them an update. Michael went off on Gary again. Howard said he has to be willing to take it if Gary comes at him again. Michael said he will. Howard said there's no apologizing to anyone. Michael said that he thinks he came off very well during this interview.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who went off on Michael for saying that she had COVID last year. Howard asked Michael if he has anything to say to her about that. Michael said the thing about the COVID was before it was a real thing. He said he already apologized for that. Michael said that they have to pull the date of that. He said that he sticks with his statement about her being a bat. Howard said that Michael came on the air and answered all the questions. He said he mixed it up with Baba Booey and King of All Blacks and even him. He said he also mixed it up with Mariann. Michael said he's on his way to work on the fourth season of A-Typical. He said he's on his way right now actually. Howard said he can't wait to see what happens when he crosses paths with Kevin Durant. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said he was going to play the Oprah Audiobook. He said maybe he should. He said that they need some levity. Howard asked JD what he was trying to say to Michael. JD said he was trying to bring up the way he can't take it when he brings up the gay sex stuff. He said he couldn't take it when he brought it up.
Howard said Michael had a song about JD a while back. He played the song about JD that he had out.
Howard said JD called Michael and said if he was going to fuck him what was he going to wear. JD said he did that and Michael told him to back off.
Gary said he doesn't hate Michael but he thinks there's a line in his head that the whole world has and they don't. Robin said that he said that he's playing a character when he says these things. Gary said he looked into a text message thing they had and he was asking him about where he lives and they had this long conversation about it. He said he's not sure if that was him talking to him as Gary or as Booey.
Howard said Robin is also a character on the show. Robin said she plays the same person every time though. Howard said he's confused.
Howard said it takes Richard like 17 hours to make her say something so short. Robin said he had to edit clips together to make her say ''basket.'' since she didn't actually say it. Howard said Richard is on fire lately. He said he had 3 months off for paternity leave and now he's back to work.
Howard had more clips to play. Howard played a few more wacky clips where they had Oprah talking about sucking on Stedman's package and things like that.
Howard asked where Richard is. He said hew wants to know how he gets her to say ''Jizz.'' Richard got on and said that things are hectic over there but it's all good. Howard asked what the kid's name is. Richard said the name is Cameron. He said that it's Cameron Chuck. He said Chuck is the name of a friend of his who passed away.
Howard asked how he got Oprah to say Jizz. Richard said this was a collaboration and someone else was helping with it. He said he's not sure where it came from but it might have been like a name of Jeff and her saying ''is''. Howard asked how long it takes to do something like this. Richard said they wrote them and it took maybe a week and a half or two weeks. Howard said they're hard to make. Richard said you can go through and they're all transcripts so it's easier than it used to be. He said the Sarah Palin one was him listening to 8 hours of her and then he had to take out every word.
Howard said this is a master class in immaturity. Richard said the thing is that you can search words through the transcript and they can write anything they want her to say. He said you used to have to work with what they said in the book. He said now you can make them say anything.
Howard played another clip where Oprah talked about her bush and how Stedman calls her cunt a delicious meal. Howard said a week and a half it took to do that. He said that's great.
Howard said Oprah gave some behind the scenes details about her interview with the Royals. Howard played that one and she talked about having Prosciutto up her ass and shit it out after the interview. Howard asked Richard how they get her to say Prosciutto. Richard said they saw she said it and they figured they had to put it into something.
Howard played a couple more clips that the guys had come up with. They had her talking about Prince Harry and Easter celebrations. They had her talking about weird things that she had done at Easter time. They had one that went on and on. Richard said that they wanted to see if they could make one so long that Howard might give up on it. He said he stuck with it so he appreciate that.
Howard said that was a good one. He said they had a lot of details in there. He went over a lot of the things that they had Oprah saying in that one. Howard and Robin were talking about he details in that one and comparing notes. They had so many details about weird stuff.
Howard said good job to Richard on that. Richard said it was a team effort so thanks to the whole team. He said he missed Howard and Robin so much. He said he's so glad to see them. Robin said she was wondering how he was doing but they can't contact hi because he's on leave. Richard said he heard that but they could have texted him. Howard said he was going to call but no way. He said the only thing he heard about him on Paternity leave is that he got a house and he has an animal kingdom there. He said he got a vacuum cleaner that vacuums deer shit. Richard said it's like a shop vacuum. He said it picks it up but it won't pick up beer shit. He said they're out in New Jersey now. He said that they had ants too and they had to get traps to get rid of them. He said by day 2 they saw them laying there dead so it works pretty quick.
Howard said the only thing he heard was that deer shit thing and vacuuming it up. He said he keeps his back yard cleaner than his house. He said he also heard that he was peeing into bottles so he could sprinkle it around the yard to keep deer away. Richard said it works and his dad told him about it. He said that his dad did it to keep coyotes away from their house.
Howard said he heard that Richard has also befriended a raccoon and he was going to tell him not to do that. Richard said he did that back when he lived in a storage unit. He said he'd give it cat food and it would let him pet it and stuff. He said they're so cute. Howard asked why some animals are okay. He said the deer they want out of there. Richard said it's the crapping part that he's got a problem with. He said the raccoon doesn't seem rabid so he's okay with it. Robin said he could get rabid and come back.
Howard said one of the things his wife taught him over Easter was that people get Easter lily and they can kill cats. Robin said all lilies are poisonous to cats. She said she thinks that's what happened to her cat Brangelina. She said she was perfectly healthy and she got sick and both of her kidneys failed. She said that she thinks it was from the flowers that people sent her when she was sick.
Howard said Beth also told him about pet bunnies that people abandon after getting them for Easter. He said that they release them outside and they have no way of surviving out in the wild. He said don't get your kids bunnies. Robin said he should have warned people before.
Howard did a live commercial read and ended the show around 10:20am.
Howard started the show talking about Rob Zombie's new album. He said he has it on vinyl. He said he doesn't have anything to play it on though. He said maybe he'll give it to Gary. He asked if Gary is a fan. Gary wasn't there and didn't answer right away.
Howard said going out on the street and having people try to say Dell'Abate is great. He said they can't get it. He said they get the ''Dell'' part right. Fred was playing clips of people trying to say the name.
Howard asked Gary about the vinyl and he said he'd take it. Gary asked if he wants a record player. Howard said no. He said he doesn't like it. He said when record players were a thing he hated them. He said they were all bad and the records would warp. He said it wasn't perfected and it was horrible. He said he would get records and they were warped. He said sometimes he'd take the record out and it was already warped. He said it was horrible. He said he has flashbacks to handling vinyl at radio stations. He said he didn't have time to be careful with the records. He said he was trying to segue songs and it was nerve wracking. Robin said how about when they went to albums and they had to find the song in the middle of the album.
Howard said vinyl is a piece of shit. Gary said Howard's hatred comes from that. He said he never had the opportunity to use it as a consumer. Howard said he had a record player in high school and it was horrible. He said the sound was bad and it sucked.
Howard said Rob's album is called ''The Lunar Injection Kool Aid Eclipse Conspiracy'' and it's a billboard hit. He said he does a cool thing on the new album and mixes movie clips with the music. He said he wondered if they were real clips or did he make them up. He said he doesn't know movies well enough. He said that's his thing. He played an example from the album.
Howard said he talks to Rob at home and he seems normal but then you hear this stuff that's going on in his head. He said he's got some dark stuff in there. He said he thought he'd just give him a plug for the new album today.
Howard said everyone was suggesting what to do yesterday. He said they brought in a professional killer. He said this guy showed up at 10 in the morning and he was up there for about 20 minutes. He said he killed those mother fuckers dead. He said he doesn't know what he did but he took care of it. Robin said she has the same thing with Captain Dennis. She said he gets the job done.
Howard said this guy came in and did his thing and took care of it like John Wick. He said that this guy sprayed whatever he sprayed and told them to wait an hour before going in there. He said they were gone when he was done. He said this stuff is apparently non-toxic. He said the ants die but people don't.
Howard said he and Beth were in bed watching American Idol and they didn't even know about the March Madness games going on. He said he felt like ants were all over him and they turned on the lights and there was nothing there. He said they were having flashbacks. He said he went in there and there were no ants in the bathroom. He said he didn't have anything on his feet or anything. He said he was so happy. He said those ants should just stay outside where they belong. He said they had an ant holocaust going on in his bathroom.
Howard said he has no idea where they were coming in from. He said the guy thinks they came in around the pipes. He said they really don't know. He said nature finds a way to destroy everything. He said we're not supposed to be here with our houses and stuff. He said the ants tried to beat him but they lost. He said they tried.
Howard said it's like the Palestinian's and the Israelis. He said they want you to move but you're not going to. He said ants have a million places to go and they aren't going to be in his bathroom. He said he understands way they'd show up at Richard's or JD's house but not his house. Robin said she won't bother insects if they don't bother her. She said once they get on her they die. Howard said he will even rescue insects. Robin said she does that too. She said if it lights on her then that's it. Howard said he doesn't feel bad about killing ants at all. Robins said they'd just be more of a problem. Howard said he's not sure what they ate but they loved it in his bathroom. He said he'd go in there to pish and they'd be all over him.
Howard said Beth does their laundry and he'd put it on the floor to bring it into the washing machine. He said she got upset because the ants would get into the clothing. He said he was getting skeeved out. He said ants aren't cute. He said some insects are cute but not ants. He said he doesn't feel bad for ants.
Howard said he gets that they're nature's clean up crew but he didn't need that in his bathroom.
Howard said he had a yogurt this morning. He said he's having the full fat yogurts. He said he used to eat the low fat. He said in the morning he has to do the radio show so he has to eat something easy. He said he used to have granola and that's gone. He said now he has blueberries and chia seeds now. Robin said she was doing that too. Howard said they look like ants. He said he wondered if they were moving when he saw them.
Howard said for lunch he's having salad and veggies. He said they say he might have to eat chicken once in a while. He doesn't like eating birds though. Howard said he's eating Tofu now too. Robin said that can be a problem for women. She said that it's full of estrogen. Howard said he has titties now. He said he has a B-cup. He said he's been eating this stuff and he felt very virile. He said it was bang o'clock and he told Beth they had to go. He said she had just done the Hydrow. He said she did 2 30 minute sessions. He said that Beth said he banged like a teenager yesterday. He said the chia seeds got him pumped.
Howard said his body is sexy now but he's got a woman's chest. He said that he wanted to write down whatever he ate and send it to this nutritionalist. He said she told him he doesn't have to do that.
Robin asked if his blood sugar was high. Howard said everything was off. He said she asked if he drinks and he said he hasn't had one in years. He said he doesn't drink coffee or anything like that. He said they took him off of all of that. He said the potato was killing him evidently. Robin said she heard him talking about that and wondered what was going on.
Howard said he has a plan now. He said he was told he can have some protein bread once in a while. He said that he wants black and white. Robin said she wondered why it's called Protein Bread. Howard said that's the name of it. He said just eat what he says. He said never mind that, don't listen to what he says.
Howard said Protein Bread is now like his ice cream. He said he bought a loaf of it and he thought it was good. He said she told him that he can have it once in a while. He said the loaf may last him his whole 5 year contract. He said today he has his lunch all planned out. He said he's having 3 eggs and vegetables. He said he's going to make an omelet. He said he will have 2 whole eggs and an egg white. He said he has to get up to 100 grams of protein. Robin asked why he's taking out the one yolk. Howard said he's doing what he was told to do.
Howard said he knows that his kids would be livid if he fucked the maid and had a kid. He said Arnold just did it and didn't worry about it.
Howard said Sal's dad has kids that keep showing up every year. He said that he was fucking all over the place like there's no tomorrow. He said things worked out just fine for him. He said he's still with Sal's mom.
Howard said Mad Dog Russo will be his guest today. He said he has an opinion on everything. He said he has a theory about why he hasn't had him on in a long time. He said he loves Mad Dog as a guest and he has a lot to talk about. He said that he thinks that Sour Shoes does such a great impression that they don't need him anymore. He said that's just so absurd. He said that they have such odd opinions about how he runs the show. Howard said Michael Rapaport did that yesterday. He said he brought up the Brent thing and how he doesn't talk about him since he left the show. Howard said everyone thinks they know how to do radio and they do these podcasts that are with people who aren't that interesting. He said he listens to some and they're just not interesting. He said he has tried to listen and he can't get through them. He said not everyone had a show back in the day. He said now everyone has a show but not many people are listening. Robin said there's something called club house and they have to be invited into it. She said she tuned in and hated it. She said that she still has the app on her phone and winds up in some room with someone droning on about something and she gets out.
Howard said if you want a big audience then you have to build a crowd around you. He said if you have fame and an audience then you can monetize it and make some money. He said he doesn't like listening to people on the internet.
Howard said he was on America's Got Talent for four years and left. He said they don't talk about him since he left. He said that's why he's not talking about Brent. He said they don't want to remind you of people who were there in the good ol' days. He said they're moving on and moving forward with the show. He said you don't talk about people who left the show in show business.
Howard said don't listen to the noise of the internet. He said people don't know what's in his brain. He said people have no idea how to run a radio show. He said they're in their basement writing about him. Robin said these generations from the Baby Boomers on have had outlets to all of this stuff. Howard said the internet made it easy to talk about what's wrong and right with the show. He said that if you listen to the masses you will never be successful.
Howard said he is never shocked with what Robin is up to. He said that she told him she wanted to spin plates like they do in the circus. He said nothing shocks him about her.
Howard said Seth Rogen is officially a Titan of weed. Robin asked if he really wants to be a part of the weed business. Howard said he doesn't want to profit off of substance. He said he's for the legalization of all drugs though. He said he knows people have problems. He said that you read about some countries where they have done this and you read about what's going on there. He said here have only been like 2 overdoses in the past 10 years. He said all of the horrible things you think about legalized drugs isn't true. He said there are addicts and they'd be addicts either way.
Howard said he has no problem with the weed business or alcohol business. He said he doesn't want to be into it himself. He said Seth seems to be having so much fun. He said he looked into it and it's $60 for an eighth. He said he makes high end lighters for like $250 and he's selling those. He said people want to be like Seth so the buy those things. He said he's even selling vinyl. He said you buy an album that goes along with your high. He said they have special albums to go with the types of weed. He said it's all sold out apparently.
Howard had a clip of Seth Rogen talking about weed and how to smoke it without over doing it. Howard said imagine setting an egg timer for 15 minutes to take one hit. He said no one is going to do that.
Howard said he would smoke weed in high school and take 3 hits before it hit him. He said then he got so fucked up that he never smoked weed again.
Howard asked if he's going to have a make believe conversation with Seth Rogen or not. Will said he can do it. Howard said he'll try this out. Howard took a call from fake Seth Rogen who was talking about how this has turned into work for him now. Howard said he wishes he could try his pot but it makes him too paranoid. Fake Seth laughed after every thing he said. He was telling Howard he has a weed for his paranoia.
Howard said he's like the Elon Musk of weed. Seth said he has weed for every problem you have. He was telling Howard about all of the stuff he has and how they work.
Howard said he feels very self conscious about his face and he wishes he had a weed that made him feel handsome. Seth said he has an actual pot for that for him to put over his head. Howard said he has to have one for his penis size. Seth said he has one for that too. He said that he will eat so much that he won't ever see his dick again after growing his belly.
Howard said he is the Willy Wonka of weed. He said that was a great fake conversation. Fake Seth said that he made out with Charlize Theron. Robin said that was a movie. Seth said it was. He said he got to make out with her though. Howard asked if he's writing any other movies like that. Seth said he's writing one where he and Emily Ratajkowski make out. Howard said he was thinking back about 15 years ago when Tommy Chong got busted for selling bongs and went to jail for it. He said now they're talking about weed and selling it. He said Tommy did like a year in jail for that. Robin said she thinks it was more than that. Howard said he hopes that his record is expunged. He said he loves that guy.
Howard wrapped up with fake Seth and let him go a short time later. Seth made sure to mention that he made out with Charlize Theron before he left.
Howard said the real Seth is booked for May 10th so he'll ask him some of these questions.
Howard said Tommy Chong spent 9 months in prison for selling bongs over the internet. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he hasn't been following the saga with Jeopardy. He said they're trying out hosts and he hears that Dr. Oz was the best so far. He said that he's engaging and knows how to read the questions from what he's heard. He said he hasn't seen him yet. Robin said she hasn't either. Howard said last night they had Aaron Rogers on and he's a football player who he doesn't know very well. He said he's not sure how he is as a broadcaster but people said he wasn't so good.
Howard asked Jon Hein what he thought of him. Jon said he was a little stiff. He said he was okay though. Jon said Dr. Oz did a nice job but he out off a lot of people. He said he knows Will likes him. He said he thinks that Ken is going to be the guy though. Howard said he will not be the host. He said he doesn't think he's got it. He said he's not a regular viewer of Jeopardy though.
Howard asked Will what he thought. Will said Aaron Rogers wasn't very good. He said Dr. Oz was good and Ken Jennings wasn't that great. He said he thinks Jon is blinded by the guy. Jon said he knows what they're saying but he thinks Ken is going to be the guy. Howard said you have to have the voice. He said you can't have a bad delivery. He said it gets annoying. He said Alex Trebek was good because he read like a robot. Robin said his voice varied though. She said that he had some movement with his voice but it wasn't over the top. Howard said he was a professional. Robin said he was also a great human being. She said she here's a homeless shelter with his name on it.
Howard said he's watching American Idol last night and he wondered how Ryan Seacrest is hosting that and Kelly and Ryan. He said that he's doing both shows and they're on opposite coasts. Jon said that they may be recording some stuff. He said he thinks last year he almost dropped dead from exhaustion. He said he was doing so much. Howard said he must be there live on Sunday and Monday night. He said he and Beth were trying to figure it out. He said they must go live at 5 in California. He said he must do the show for 2 hours and then fly home and sleep on the plane.
Will said that his eye popped out from exhaustion last year. Howard said it really did. Robin said maybe he's an alien.
Howard said Ryan would be a good host on Jeopardy. Robin said he's too smiley for her. Jon said he's still doing his radio show too. He said Anderson Cooper is the next host and he might be good. Howard said he could be good. Will asked if that would ruin his credibility as a news host. Howard said he doesn't think so.
Howard said he has the key ingredient which is that white hair. He said that he's got that gravi tas. He said that Alex had that moustache that everyone loved. Howard said he lost that when he got cancer and he didn't look like Alex Trebek anymore.
Howard asked how Ryan Seacrest does a radio show and all of this other stuff. He said he gets girlfriends who all leave him and he must just love working. Robin said he probably moves them in and he's never home. Howard said they probably wonder how they're going to move on and progress. He said he must be very money motivated. He said he must take jobs so make money. He said that he hears people wondering how he's making so much money and he makes more money then them because he's more talented than they are.
Howard said he thinks that Ryan looks at himself and thinks this is remarkable that he's working so much and he's just keeping it up. Robin said she has a feeling they're going to find out he was on massive drugs or something some day. Howard said he doesn't think so. Robin said doing so much is going to lead to something.
Jon said he thinks that Ryan took advantage of every chance he had to do shows. Howard said he thinks that he wants to be like Dick Clark. He said he wants to know how he does all of this stuff at one time. Robin said they have to be flying him back and forth. Howard said he must be able to sleep on the plane. Robin said that or he's taking drugs to knock himself out and wake himself up. Jon said he's non-stop working and he must just pass out.
Howard wondered what his end game is. He said the end game for him is fucking. He said he seems to just work. Robin said not everyone wants a love story where it ends up two people being together. Howard said there's a story about him growing olive oil trees so he can start a company. He said he's not sure what he's doing.
Howard said he wants to know how Ryan does the morning show and American Idol. Robin said he has to be there. Howard wondered how he's doing it all though. He wondered if he would come on and answer the questions. He said he may not come on because he's goofed on him too much.
Jon read a story in the Hollywood Reporter about Ryan's schedule. He said he is flying back and forth non-stop. Howard said Idol is on Sunday and Monday night so how is that going on while Kelly and Ryan is going on. He said it sounds like he's flying Sunday and Monday. He said that's crazy if he's doing that. Jon said he thinks he could do that.
Gary said he doesn't think that Ryan is against doing the show but he's so busy that he can't find time to do it. He said the time he was on they had to simulcast with him doing his show.
Howard said he wants him on to find out what his schedule is. He said he can't imagine what that's like to coordinate. Robin asked why he would do it all. She said he had all of this stuff in Los Angeles and he took a job in New York. Howard said they offered it to him so he took it. He said maybe his eyeball popped out because of that flying.
Howard said he was reading his fountain pen and it said don't fly with it full because it'll explode. He said that might be what happened with Ryan's eye.
JD said he thinks that they pre-tape a lot of stuff because yesterday's Kelly and Ryan was pre-taped. Howard said that's her show though so she could fuck him up. Jon said it is on ABC so maybe he has some global contract. Howard said he bets that Kelly and Ryan hate each other. Robin said she doesn't think she's read anything like that. Howard said he thinks that she's had it with him and he can tell.
Howard said he asked Beth if he's too much for her to deal with. He said she did say that he's a lot to handle. He said that he told her she's a lot to handle too but she's really not. He said she was listing the things that make it hard to handle him. He said he didn't know what else to say. He said that he told her that she was a lot to handle with the pet rescue but it's really not a lot to handle.
Howard said he felt bad that he's a lot to handle. He said he's very negative. He said that he thought that people lied to him when they said he was a lot to handle. He said he thought he was fun but he's really not. He said he knows that now.
Howard said people are upset with him for telling Jason to throw stuff out from his archives. He said he has been saving stuff from the show for years. He said it got overwhelming. He said he has warehouses full of shit. He said the fans are saying they'll take some of this stuff. He read some of that feedback where the fans were saying they'll take it.
Howard said Richard Christy was inspired by him telling Jason to throw stuff out so he made a phony phone call with clips. Howard played the call and Richard called an antique store and had Howard telling the person to throw it all out as Richard read stuff to the woman what he had. Howard would tell him to throw it out and then Richard would throw it in the wood chipper after the woman told him what it was worth. The woman would say it's worth a fortune and Howard would say throw it out and it would end up in the wood chipper. The woman eventually called them morons and hung up.
Howard said they got a lot of feedback about Ronnie and what he's going through in his life. Howard read through some of that. Howard said the fans are supporting him with all of that. Howard said someone said hey like this ''Ask Ronnie'' bit they're doing now. He said that he's like the new Dr. Ruth.
Howard said he has a new Ask Ronnie since the fans asked for it. Howard played the bit where Ronnie was asked about what technically counts as having sex when you're with a woman. Ronnie gave his thoughts on what sex with a woman technically is when it's woman on woman. He said Stephanie likes it but she would rather have a dick. He said he told her that a transvestite would be the best thing for her.
Howard said all of that life experience is paying off for him. He said Ronnie should write romance novels based on how sexy he is.
Howard said they got a ton of email about Michael Rapaport's appearance yesterday. He said they had a big media blast over the Kevin Durant thing. Howard said they got a lot of hate mail from all directions. Howard read through some of that. Howard said that Michael took a bit hit there. He said some fans think he shouldn't have called in because it didn't help him out. Howard said some people are saying that they think Michael is now in the Wack Pack. He read some of that feedback.
Howard said Gary went back and pulled some clips of Michael mentioning his wife in some of his attacks. He said Michael was claiming he doesn't do that but in the clips he does bring up his wife. Howard played a clip where Gary and Michael were going back and forth about their wives. Michael said that was below the belt when Gary brought up his wife. Howard said he does enjoy these feuds. He said he loves all the nonsense.
Howard said he has to make sure he has time to do this. He said he has some time before Mad Dog.
Howard said he hates April Fools day. He said that people do pranks that aren't witty at all. He said they think it's funny but it's not. He said people think it's stupid and people just do dumb shit. He said he's always hated it. He said that he really hates it when news anchors do it.
Howard said some people do things that get the police involved. He said there's no reason to do that. He played a clip of a news anchor reading a story about the police surrounding a home after hearing a shooting had happened. It turns out a woman did an April fools joke and said she was shot. That led to the police being called in. In another report a woman called in an active shooter at her workplace and the cops were called there too. Howard said they should be jailed for life for that stupidity. Howard said he's not sure how that's a joke.
Howard said local morning shows love jokes like this. He said on one show a woman told a story about a prank she pulled on her boyfriend. She said that she had hidden his Jeep in their garage and she'll tell him that it was stolen when he can't find it.
Howard said he doesn't know who is watching the news for this. He said that woman really just pranked herself by saying they leave their keys in their car.
Howard said this woman was on a show to give prank ideas and she was talking about messing with kids and their toothpaste. Howard played the clip and said this should be illegal. The woman was talking about how she gets an Oreo and you scrape off the white with a knife and you put toothpaste in the Oreo. She was also talking about putting mustard in their toothpaste. Howard said he wanted to call social services on this woman after hearing that.
Howard said his parents were weird with him but he doesn't knows about this woman. He did his impression of his parents talking about pulling pranks on him. He had them peeing in his lemonade and things like that. He had Ben saying he'll never trust another person in his life. He had Ben talking about putting a live cobra in his toilet and how funny that will be when Howard sits on it.
Robin said that woman was talking about how her kids are on alert because they know her. Howard said that's right. He had his parents talking about more things they could prank him with. Howard said that's really weird.
Howard said this woman on a CBS station had an April Fools prank where she said they called her mom saying that they got exposed to COVID. She said she told her it was April Fools. Howard said they're fucking weirdos. He said it's always dangerous to let a news person expose their real personality.
Howard went back into his parents voices and had himself calling her claiming he has COVID.
Howard said he has a clip of a meteorologist fake sneezing on someone. In the clip the guy said he has done that and sprayed water on them to make them think they got hit with the sneeze. Howard said that guy is lucky he's alive. He said he'd kill the guy if he did that to him. He said he hates pranks like this.
Howard had a montage clip of the awful April Fools pranks that happened on news programs. The pranks were all really lame.
Howard said he's going to throw up. He said he can't take it. He stopped the clip. He said fuck you to April Fools. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said Christopher ''Mad Dog'' Russo is there. He said he's got a show called Unleashed. He said he has a podcast too. He said it's available on the SiriusXM App.
Howard said you have to love him. Mad Dog asked how his favorite crew is doing over there. Howard said he can't see him. Mad Dog said he can't see him either. Gary said he's having internet issues. He said he was there a minute ago.
Howard said he heard that Mad Dog thinks that he hasn't had him on in a while because Sour Shoes does such a good impression that they don't need him. He said that's not true. He said he just waits for him to contact him and when he's ready to come on he will be on. Mad Dog said that they do such a great job with Sour that they might have enough of him. He said he has thrown that out as a theory. He said he hasn't been on the show since 2016. He said that's 5 years. He said that there is no one he would rather be interviewed by than Howard. He said he feels disappointed by that. He said Howard sends him nice letters and photographs and he really likes that. They fixed the video issue in the middle of that.
Mad Dog said that he did think that he got his fill of him through Sour Shoes. Howard said he likes Mad Dog and his presentation on the air. He said he's not a sports guy though. He said he doesn't know what he's ranting about most of the time. He said he didn't even know the NCAA stuff was on last night.
Howard asked if Mad Dog ever gets sick of sports and thinks it's taking up too much of his time. Mad Dog said all the time. Howard said it's like so much time watching guys play sports. Mad Dog said 100 percent. He said he would say that the pandemic broadened his horizons. He said he had to do a show during the pandemic and he turned his attention to music and books. He said he watched Netflix shows and things like that. He said that he was watching The Crown and ''Ozarks'' and more. He said he does get burned out by sports. He said last year he had to do radio and he had to talk about something other than sports.
Howard said he figured he could have handled a variety of topics. He said that he liked him on Letterman and things like that because he was opinionated. He said that can make a great broadcaster. He said he didn't need to be just a sports guy. Mad Dog said he appreciates that. He said he did a few different kinds of shows during the pandemic. He said that he never would have done an entire hour with Roger McGuinn from The Birds if the pandemic wasn't going on.
Howard said he was thinking about how chess could be a sport. Mad Dog said he's not sure about the physical part but the mental part yes. He said they did a good job of showing that in The Queens Gambit.
Howard said he was making a point this morning about podcasts. He said what sets Mad Dog apart from other broadcasters is that he wouldn't be on radio if he didn't get ratings. He said that he had to work for it and be compelling. He said he thought that the combination of Mad Dog and Mike together was a great combo. He said he was the loud one and mike brought it down to a normal level. He said it was almost like music to him. He said he thinks that Mike should have fought to keep him as part of his team. He said they made life easier for each other. Mad Dog said he agrees. He said he has had Mike on recently. He said he had him on for an hour just a few weeks ago. He said they talked about a lot and he thinks they were a great team. Howard said he thinks so too. He said he doesn't think Mike valued Mad Dog enough. He said he had a teammate and when you have people attacking you to have a good teammate is important. He said it gets you pumped up. He said he thinks Mike didn't value that. Mad Dog said he thinks he does now. He said that Mike won't come out and do accolades on him but he thinks he does feel that way. He said that's not his thing. Mad Dog said he may not admit it but he thinks Howard is right. He said as a team they had something that was significant. He said leaving and coming to SiriusXM was hard for him. He said he wouldn't have come there if Howard wasn't there. He said he knew the company was going to be okay with Howard working there. He said that he also agrees with him on the podcast thing. He said that everyone does one and they don't know how to get the flow right. He said none of these guys know how to do it. He said there are so many of them too. He said everyone has a podcast and they get lost in the mix. He said to stay on radio and to make it like Howard has is almost more of a complement than being a flash in the pan. Mad Dog asked when his first job was. Howard said 1977 or 76. He said he was on real radio. Mad Dog said that's almost 5 decades. He said if you can stay relevant that long is remarkable. Mad Dog said that Howard went to Sirius and he left something that he knew was going to be good and he went to a new venue and got people to go with him. He said that's very hard to do. He said he did it because he felt confident that he could pull it off. He said Howard was the first to do it. He said everyone who followed him there knew it.
Howard said he doesn't put anything into any hall of fame. He said that Mike Francesa has been inducted into the radio hall of fame but why hasn't Mad Dog been inducted. Mad Dog said he thinks that it might be better that he doesn't get it. He said that he has Howard supporting him and that counts more than the hall of fame. He said 3 years ago he was upset about it though. He said that it doesn't bother him and Howard has helped him out with that.
Howard said Mike had a great thing with him but the two of them should be in the hall of fame together. He said you'd have to honor both. Mad Dog said he shouldn't tell Howard this but if he did get that honor he's going to ask Howard to make a speech. Howard said he has a dream and his dream is that he never gets into the radio hall of fame. Howard said he would not make a speech for him. He said he would just bitch and moan to Robin about it and how Mad Dog has ruined his life.
Howard said he happens to adore him as a broadcaster. He said he would be honored to see him in the hall of fame. He said he would feel hypocritical showing up to inducted him into something like that. He said he'd get up there and say something that people would hate. Mad Dog said he won't ask him but he was thinking about it.
Howard said he thinks that he should ask Sour Shoes to induct him. Either that or Mike. Mad Dog said maybe Joe Buck. Howard said he's a good guy too. Mad Dog said he's not just saying this but he would want Howard to do it. He said now he won't ask now that he has heard this. Howard said he thinks David Letterman would be great to ask. He said he has nothing to do. He said he speaks to him once in a while and he'd jump at the chance. Mad Dog said that's why Howard is brilliant. He said he would ask him. Howard said David is plenty busy but he thinks he'd do it for him.
Howard said he must miss that show. He said David Letterman's show had a certain Gravi Tas. He said he was asked to do it and not Mike. Mad Dog said that to be on Dave was a tremendous thrill. He said he has a kid at Wisconsin who is going to be a good radio host. He said that he loves to watch Howard and Rickles on together on Letterman. He said it was a great show. He said that Rickles was great. He said Letterman was very significant to his early part of his career. Howard asked if Mike was upset about not being on with him. Mad Dog said he thinks so. He said that he didn't think that Mike would have done it because that was his thing. He said that Dave was very significant for him.
Mad Dog said in 2003 he had a book out and Dave was going to promote it. He said the first time he went in there and got bumped for Demi Moore. He said a couple of weeks later he got bumped for Courtney Love. He said he got a phone call a week later and it was Dave calling to apologize for bumping him twice. He said that he asked him to do the show. He said from that point on they gave him two segments on the show. He said that was such a great thing to do. He said he didn't even have to call him.
Howard said Dave knows how difficult it is to do radio. He said he knows how difficult it is to hold an audience. He said that he also knows that he gave up work to do the show. Mad Dog said he was really impressed by that.
Mad Dog said that Howard and Dave were the biggest media guys out there. He said Howard carried Dave when he was on. He said he misses Dave. Howard said he does too. He said if you were tapped to do this show it meant something. Mad Dog said he agrees.
Mad Dog said he knows he'll be put in the radio hall of fame some day when they run out of people. He said he may ask Howard to do it but Dave is next. He said he'll go to Dave if he gets inducted.
Howard said Jon Bon Jovi came to him asking him to induct him into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He said he was miserable the whole time. He said he had to fly to Cleveland to do it. He said he doesn't want to be in the radio hall of fame. He said he begged them not to induct him. Mad Dog said he should probably feel the same way.
Howard said is pisses him off that Mad Dog wasn't inducted with Mike. Mad Dog asked if he had a good time at the Rock and Roll hall of fame. Howard said he did not. He said his wife did. He said that he was miserable the whole time. Mad Dog asked how he can't enjoy that. Robin said he went back to his room almost immediately after the induction. Howard said he had to get his sleep.
Mad Dog said that he didn't know that Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young was his favorite band. Howard said they are a great band. He said he had each one of those guys on the show. He said that they are such a great band. He said it's mind blowing what they have done. He said there's nothing to compare it to now.
Howard said he wants to test his music knowledge. He said that he has heard him wax poetic about Karen Carpenter. He asked who he thinks is the best drummer of all time, John Bonham, Neal Peart or Karen Carpenter. Mad Dog said that he left out a few. He said he didn't know the 60s as well as he should have. He said that there was this Laurel Canyon special on Epix and he was so drawn to the Birds and so many other bands. He said that he can't get enough of 60s music. He said he's really into Dylan too.
Howard said he thinks he loves Laurel Canyon because you can't think of any other place that has attracted so many talents. He said they sat around together partying. He said they all banged each other and wrote songs together and did drugs together. Howard said that doesn't happen anymore. Mad Dog said he wishes he was born in the 60s. He asked if Howard thought about going to Woodstock in 69. Howard said he was 15 or so at that time and he went across country in a bus with a bunch of kids. He said the next summer he would have been around at that time. He said that he missed it by a year.
Mad Dog asked when he got into Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. Howard told him about when he got into them. Mad Dog said that he had Roger McGuinn on the show and he was playing songs on guitar. He said he never has this on his show. He said he was on the show playing for an hour. He said he was playing all sorts of songs. He said he got such a kick out of that. He said it was the best interview he has ever done in his life. He said that he got so wrapped up in the music. Howard said interviewing musicians is so great. He said it's something of another world. He said they're tapped into their emotions and they can write songs from that. He said that you hear the process they use and it's just amazing.
Mad Dog talked about how into Dylan he is. He said he's a 61 year old watching Dylan in the 60s and he got such a kick out of that. Howard said he mentioned the Traveling Wilburys. He said he loves watching them perform. He said that they never even got to tour. He said that he loves watching their videos on YouTube.
Mad Dog said this is all where he turned into a radio host. He said that without the pandemic he wouldn't be able to talk about all of this stuff. He said he became a better host thanks to the pandemic.
Howard said he loves music but knows nothing about sports. Mad Dog said he just knew sports and nothing about music until last year. He said from 1964 to 1975 he was lost musically.
Howard said he had his head up his ass when it came to music. He said he can appreciate anyone who can write a song. He said that anything would be great. He said he told Rick Dees he even thinks Disco Duck is amazing.
Mad Dog asked how David Crosby was on the show. Howard said that David Crosby was amazing on the show. He said that he came on once and got himself into trouble. He said he was one of the best guests ever. He said he suffers no nonsense. He said that he doesn't want nonsense in the interview. He said he's done it all so he doesn't want to hear the nonsense.
Mad Dog asked if he's into books. He said he has to read ''Rock Me ON The Water.'' He said it came out on March 23. He said that he's having the author on next Wednesday.
Howard said he thinks that he might be able to keep doing his show from home. Mad Dog said that he thinks so. He said it takes him 17 hours a week to commute to Sirius. He said that's 17 hours a week he could stop traveling. He said that's a lot of hours a week on the railroad. He said that he thinks that his wife would like to get him out of the house occasionally. He said that being done at 6 and not needing to get on the train would be nice. He said that there is an element missing from not going to work but it is nice to be able to get up later and do the show. He said he can take a 6 mile run or something after work. Howard said he can still run huh? Mad Dog said he can. He said he gets pain in his hip at times but that's about it.
Howard asked Mad Dog if he colors his hair. Mad Dog said he actually doesn't. Howard said neither does he.
Mad Dog asked if he misses being in the city. Howard said he has to say that doing the show from home gives him a healthier outlook. He said Manhattan is rough. He said it's a young man's city. He said that he never really liked being there. He said this will keep him in the game longer. Mad Dog said they all appreciate him staying on. He asked if he thought about retiring. Howard said he was struggling with what he was going to do. He said he did think about retiring. He said doing the show from home gave him a renewed energy. He said he wasn't ready to walk away either. He said this is his identity and he has a great audience and has had a great career. He said he thinks this really is the last contract. He said he can't imagine doing this another time. Mad Dog said he can't be thinking about it now. He said he has 4 more years to go. Howard said you start to do the math and you don't know what you'll be like in 5 years.
Mad Dog said Howard is into painting and stuff like that. Howard said he is doing stuff but it's diminishing. He said he can't run because he has too many problems from it. He said he has a Peloton but his ankle is bothering him. He said it blows up so he had to stop doing that. He said he has to walk now instead of running. He said it's kind of lame.
Mad Dog asked if he has any dogs. Howard said he doesn't now. Mad Dog said he has two. He said he can go on a walk with the dogs. He said he plays golf and stuff like that too. He said when he can't do that he knows he'll be in trouble. He said he plays tennis too. He said he has to do that to keep himself mentally okay.
Howard said he knows that he lied Don Imus. Mad Dog said he had to because he helped him get a job on WFAN. He said that he always appreciated that.
Mad Dog said that 2020 was a bad year for deaths in sports. He said how about Kobe. Howard said that was tragic. Mad Dog asked if he thinks about the end. Howard said constantly. Mad Dog said he does too. Howard asked if he wants to be buried or cremated. Mad Dog said that's a good question. He said he hadn't thought of it. He said he thinks being buried. Howard said he's going in a mausoleum. He said that he's afraid that he'll still be alive and they'll try to bury him. He said if he's alive he wants to be able to get out.
Howard said the human brain can't think about death for more than 15 seconds. Mad Dog said he tries not to think about it. He said at 61 you do think about it. He said he went out for his 60th birthday and went to Scotland to play golf with a bunch of guys. He said 5 of them were on a British Airways on June 25th. He said at 8:30 at night the pilot had a problem and they had to make an emergency landing in Gander. He said they asked them to assume the crash position. He said they were at 35,000 feet and had to dump the fuel and make this emergency landing. He said they were in gander for 17 hours before they were able to take off again. He said he figured that god was going to give him a few more years after that. He said he took a Valium when that was going on. He said he was with 5 buddies and they were all about the same age. He said the fact that he wasn't alone helped. He said there is nothing scarier than being at 35,000 feet and hearing that. He said they had to cut the power and he wasn't able to move his seat. He said it was really scary at the time. He said he figured that he'd get another 20 years if he got through that. He said he was so happy getting there and he had no problem getting on another plane. He said it was very scary.
Howard asked why they can't give everyone their own parachute on a plane. He said that would be the best thing to do. Mad Dog said he would do that if he had to. Howard asked if he prayed. Mad Dog said he sure did. Howard asked if he knew he was religious. Mad Dog said of course he did. He said that he asked his friend how he was feeling and he wasn't feeling good about it. He said that really concerned him because he's usually so stoic.
Howard asked what he thinks about athletes who thank God after they win. Mad Dog asked why they don't thank him when they lose. He said he doesn't pay too much attention to it.
Mad Dog said the one game that was great was this Gonzaga game. Howard said how about this guy Tom Brady. He said the guy is older and winning. He said he goes to another team and proves he doesn't need Belichick. Mad Dog said Howard did such a great job with that Brady interview. He said he was a great interview too. He said he had to answer. Howard said he knows he was kind of burnt out on Brady but he has to admit this was good. Mad Dog said absolutely. He said they were really in trouble but he turned them around and brought them to the Super Bowl. He said they did what they had to do. Howard asked if he's the best athlete ever. Mad Dog said here are others who would have to be up there. He said he is the greatest winner of all time.
Howard asked if Brady's success takes away from Belichick's success. Mad Dog said a little bit. He said most of the great teams in history were a great combination of coach and quarterback. He said that most of the great teams are in sync. He said what Brady was able to do was go somewhere else and the coach wasn't a hall of famer. He said he still won. He said Belichick lost his hall of fame quarterback and he is yet to prove that he can win without that. He said that Belichick will never quit. He said he's 68 and he will never quit. He said he's going to keep trying until he can win.
Howard asked if Mad Dog was jealous of Mike's relationship with Parcells. Mad Dog said he was. He said he was also jealous of Mike working at CBS and working with Jim Nance. He said he was a big dude there at CBS. He said he was 29 at the time and he was basically Mike's water boy. He said it took him years to get over that but he did.
Howard asked if the guys he took to Scotland were sports guys. He asked who they were. Mad Dog said they were just normal guys. He said none of them were in sports or the media.
Howard asked what the trip looked like. He said they just want to golf all day so he gets that. Mad Dog said he never talks about his wife Jean on radio. He said he took 12 people with him and he had to rent a helicopter to get 5 guys who were stuck in New Foundland. He said that it was a long flight and it cost him a fortune. He said his wife told him to just do it. He said it was 25 grand to do it. He said that he gives his wife a ton of credit.
Howard asked if it's okay to go away from his wife for a trip like that. Mad Dog said yes. He said that you have to get away from your spouse at some point.
Mad Dog said it was a hell of a trip. He said that they took a bus to travel together. He said it was great. Robin said it sounds horrible.
Howard asked Mad Dog where he's at with this transgender thing. He said that this Jazz he watches wanted to play soccer. He said that he thinks that she should have been able to play. Mad Dog said that they have that issue up in Connecticut. He said that he's not sure how he feels about it. He said it's a really tough call. Howard said this is how he should feel. He said that if one of his kids was transgender and wanted to play on the girl's team then she should be allowed to play. Robin asked about professional sports. Howard said who cares it's all the same thing.
Mad Dog said you have to look at it like a competitive advantage thing. He said he wouldn't like it if it was competitive advantage. He said if the person has that then it's not fair. He said if doctors and science say there is no advantage he'll leave it at that.
Howard said he wants to know how he feels about the Michael Rapaport thing. Mad Dog said Rapaport was wrong for releasing the Durant stuff. He said he didn't like that aspect of it. He said he's not sure why he got involved with that whole thing. He said it was wrong and Durant shouldn't have been fined. Howard said he agrees with that.
Howard asked Mad Dog if he thinks the Nets are going to win the championship this year. Mad Dog gave his thoughts on them and what they've been up to. He got worked up during that talk.
Howard asked Mad Dog why the Knicks can't do what the Nets did. He said they could get some good players to bring them up. He said he hopes they don't do it because then he won't be able to get seats. Mad Dog said they haven't been able to recruit a star. He said the stars want to play with the stars. He said that's why they can't get the big names.
Howard asked Mad Dog about Tiger woods. He said he thinks he has a psychological issue. Mad Dog said he thinks his issue is his parents. He said that his father was a pain in the neck. He said they did a great job of creating a champion. He said that he's the greatest golfer of all time other than Nicklaus. He said he thinks his issue is that he grew up sheltered and then got fame. He said there's a lot going on there. Howard asked why he didn't push his kids into that kind of life. Mad Dog said you have to have that passion to begin with. He said that he has always wished that his 3 boys would be into something like that. He said you can't push them into it. He said you can't create the passion for them. He said they have to have the passion. He said he was the parent who was too passionate.
Howard said he hit it on the head. He said he would take his daughters to karate and he wanted them to be the next Bruce Lee. He said you can't push them too hard. Mad Dog said that you have to have the passion. He said he did what he could but they didn't have that passion.
Howard said he thinks you can will yourself to be a great athlete. Mad Dog said he agrees. Howard said Eddie Van Halen willed himself to be as great as he was. He said how about that 2 second mention at the Grammys. Mad Dog said he heard about that but didn't see it. Howard said he should have been honored at the Grammys. Mad Dog said he agrees. He said you have to lead your kids but they have to find their way. He said he doesn't think Tiger had that normal childhood. He said he was just playing golf all day long and that caused trouble later in his life.
Howard said he was watching his son doing broadcasting and he has a little bit of his dad in him. He said that he was shocked at how relaxed that kid was. Mad Dog said he has a chance to be good. He said Ben Carton called him up. He said he had his son Colin on the show and Ben asked if he thinks that his son would want to go on with his won over the holiday. Mad Dog said that people think that it was a nepotism thing but of course his son wants to do that. He said he didn't listen. He said he did 2 hours of show and he has got some personality. He said his son is turning 19 this month.
Howard said his kids don't want anything to do with radio. He said they have their own thing. He said god bless them for that. Mad Dog said he told his kids that he was coming on and Colin told him to make sure to tell him about his rant. Howard said he saw it. He said he was impressed with it too. Howard played a clip of Colin going on this rant just like his dad. It sounded like an impression of his dad.
Howard said he has to see where he's at on a couple of issues. He asked about Piers Morgan being critical of Meghan Markle the Oprah interview. He said he thought some of that was a little peculiar. He asked if he's following all of this. Mad Dog said he is aware. He said that he's not sure how Meghan Markle didn't know what she was getting herself into. He said that's absurd. He said that she dated this prince for a year. Howard said he would love to be a princess. Mad Dog also said that if you want people to feel sorry for you don't live next to the Pacific ocean. He said try living in Yonkers.
Howard asked Mad Dog what he thinks about A-Rod and J-Lo thing. Mad Dog said that A-Rod needs her more than she needs him. He said that A-Rod isn't playing sports anymore so he's not going to be on TV if J-Lo isn't with him. He said he'd stay with her if he were him. Howard said that's an excellent analysis.
Howard asked if Mad Dog is watching this Woody Allen thing. Mad Dog said he did watch the first 3 shows about that. He said that he believes Mia Farrow and it's all very creepy. He said that Mia has like 14 kids so she's nuts too. He said the whole thing is a mess. He said if he's asking if Woody is guilty of doing what he did with Dylan then he'd say yes. Howard said he thinks that Mia Farrow is a lovely woman and Woody is very talented but you don't mess around with your girlfriend's daughter. He said that's wrong no matter what.
Howard said this is the most important interview they've done in a long time. He said that he has every opinion ready. He asked Mad Dog what the better movie is, Godfather or Godfather II. Mad Dog said he thinks because of the novelty of it and it was the first one he'd say Godfather 1 is probably better than 2. He said they're both great. Howard said it's very hard to pick one over the other.
Howard asked Mad Dog about who is going to win the title of Jeopardy host. He gave his thoughts on the hosts he's seen and then Mad Dog said that he doesn't know enough about it. He said that Aaron Rogers should stick to playing football though.
Howard asked Mad Dog if Margot Robbie or Emily Ratajkowski is hotter. Mad Dog didn't know either of them. They spent a short time talking about TV and acting. Howard said the best TV show of all time is The Sopranos. Mad Dog said he just watched ''Night Of.'' He told Howard what that was about. He said it was a really good show.
Howard ask if people should invest in baseball cards. He said he doesn't like it. He said his kid JD who works there is busy investing in baseball cards. Mad Dog said he never did that as a kid. He said he doesn't like the idea of it. He said you can't do anything with it and you can't get into it.
Howard asked if Mad Dog will try Seth Rogen's weed. Mad Dog said he shouldn't say this but he takes gummies to calm down a bit once in a while. Howard said you have to be careful with them. Mad Dog said it takes 40 minutes to hit you. He said you have to do it when you have 5 hours to watch a ball game or something. He said he occasionally does that.
Howard asked if he totally veges out. Mad Dog said he does. Howard asked if he can do one show on a gummy. Mad Dog said he should try that one day. He said how about he and Howard do it at the same time. Howard said that might be a good idea. He asked how much is in these things. Mad Dog said he gets goofy on it. He said you can't take the whole thing though. He said he takes half the thing and takes it after a show on a Friday night or something. Howard asked if the wife gets into that. Mad Dog said no. He said he will take a walk with the dogs or something.
Howard said he should do that on his show and build it up for a couple of weeks. He said he should do the whole gummy too. Mad Dog said maybe during the summer when nothing is going on. He said that maybe he'd be more creative with a gummy. Howard said give it a try.
Howard asked where he gets his gummies from. Mad Dog said he got some as a gift for Christmas. He said he's not sure where that person came up with it. He said you can't take them to the airport. He said he doesn't commit the crime but he will partake in the crime if you give it to him. He said he thinks the brand name on it is Hummies or something like that.
Howard said Mad Dog has been very open today about things. He said everyone loves Chris Mad Dog Russo. He said he has had a long career and he's very opinionated. He said he has an opinion about everything. Howard said this was all good stuff today. They ended up talking about Tiger Woods for another couple of minutes when Robin brought him up again.
Howard said they have to come up with a name for his son Colin. He said he can't be Mad Dog. He said he has to do his own thing. Howard gave Mad Dog some plugs for his radio show and his podcast ''Digging up the Past.''
Mad Dog asked Howard not to wait another 5 years. Howard said he can come on whenever he wants to. Mad Dog said how about once a year. Howard said any time he wants to be on. Howard said how about come back in 2022 on April 6th. Mad Dog said they can do that. Howard said he will call him. Mad Dog said he can't tell him how much he appreciates being on. Howard said he has to be on gummies next time. Mad Dog said he'll do that. He said this stuff he got is lasting a long time. He said he can't do it every day.
Howard asked if the kids know that he's doing the gummies. Mad Dog said that they got them for him actually. He said that they know about it.
Howard asked if he's afraid that he's going to do this gummy show and go berserk and get naked on radio or something. Mad Dog said not impossible. He said that what he will do is play Bob Dylan shows until the cows come home. Howard said good. Mad Dog said he'll play all of the Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young songs too. Howard said he likes this game plan very much. He said when he does it it's going to be a big hit for him. He said after that maybe he can do a show on Meth. Mad Dog said lets not get carried away.
Mad Dog told Howard and Robin not to go anywhere and keep doing the good shows. Robin asked if there's any chance that he will show up forgetting his pants while doing a broadcast. Mad Dog said at home it's possible. He said you don't think about it broadcasting from home. Howard said a lot of people do that these days. Mad Dog said sometimes he tries to dress up so he takes the day more seriously. Howard said he wears his work clothes every day. He said that he has to feel like he's doing it for a reason.
Mad Dog said that he has a nice shirt on but he wanted to feel comfortable and he has shorts on. Howard said Robin was just wondering if she'd ever see his penis. Robin said it's amazing what she's seen.
Howard wrapped up with Mad Dog and gave him his plugs again. He said he's going to get that book he suggested. He said they should start a book club. Mad Dog said that's a great idea. He said they should do that. Howard said don't yell at him when they get into their book club. He said he has to take a gummy before talking about the books.
Howard said that SiriusXM CEO Jennifer Witz is on the phone before he goes. Howard had fake Jennifer on the line and she said that their stock just went up from 2 cents to 2.4 with this interview. Howard let her go a short time later. He let Chris go too.
Howard said that the stock is actually at $6.30 someone just told him. He said Chris is a good guy. He said he always liked seeing him in the hall. He said the one thing is that he shakes his hand so hard. He said it was too hard. He said one good thing with the pandemic is that hand shaking is over. Robin said she's done with it.
Howard said he went somewhere the other day and someone shook his hand. He said he had the lotion and got his hands clean. He said he didn't have time to think about it before it happened. Robin said she wanted to talk to Howard about that stuff in the new age of the vaccine. Howard said they're done with hugging. Robin said that's the safest thing you can do. She said you can turn your head and there's no hand to hand contact. Howard said he saw his father for the first time in a year and he didn't want to do any of that.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show aroudn 10:50am.
Howard started the show talking about the 25 years of Sal. He said there's always a good Sal moment on the show. He asked if Sal is around. Sal said he is. Howard said he can't believe it's been 25 years. Sal said it's crazy. Howard said they're going to celebrate that today. Robin asked if he's worked for this. Howard said yes. Robin said she's been there too long.
Howard said he understands that Sal is talking about the vaccine. He asked if he's vaccinated. Sal said yes. Howard asked Sal what he is when his age group is called. Sal said ''eligible.'' Howard said he passed the test. He said Wolfie swears he was saying he was ''legible.'' He said that he's glad he said eligible. Sal said fire Wolfie because he just wasted their time.
Howard said he trusted Wolfie but he didn't have any tape of it. Howard said he thought he had an open for the show today. He said that he might be ''legible'' to be fired. Howard asked Wolfie to be more fastidious in his work. He said make sure Sal is saying legible. Wolfie said he heard him say it. Sal asked if it's on tape. Wolfie said that he doesn't have tape. He said it was in their morning meeting.
Howard asked if he had him repeat it or did he just go with one. Wolfie said he didn't say it again. He said he just said it and he let it lay there. Howard asked how he thinks he could get it right now if he didn't say it right then. Howard asked if Sal figured it out. Sal said he has a tough time with eligible. He said he recalls speaking to Wolfie and correcting himself immediately. He said if he screwed it up he wasn't aware of it. He said he always screws it up so he slows down and says it right. He said he knows that's one of those words he screws up.
Howard said Wolfie should have taped him to have it for posterity. Wolfie said he understands his mistake. Howard said it's something when Sal outsmarts you. Even Sal said it's crazy. Howard said they will be celebrating Sal next week on the show.
Howard said Ryan was doing the E! red carpet thing too but he gave that up. He said he was so overworked that his eyeball popped out of his head like a year ago. Howard said they have people call into his radio show with things to talk about and they stretch this thing out for an entire 6 hour show. He said this guy has it right. He said they're the idiots for working too hard. He said the audience doesn't give a shit apparently. He said they play the music and they talk about one subject for 6 hours.
Howard said he's jealous because that guy makes a lot of money. He said he found out he's worth like $350 million. He said that he believes that because Siri told him that. He said he was out for a walk and asked and that's the answer he got. He said people were driving by seeing him asking about what Ryan is worth. He said think about that $350 million empire.
Howard said Ryan was doing the same subject that they did on his radio show on the Kelly and Ryan show. He said he was talking about how cheese is good for you. He said on the next day show they were talking about foods that are bad for you instead of good for you. He said that's what the whole 6 hour show turns into. He said he's kind of interested to know what they are. Howard said he has so many notes about things. He said they could be just talking about shit that's bad for you.
Howard said he had stopped eating all birds and red meat. He said last night he was told by the nutritionist that he has to eat chicken and turkey a couple of times a week. He said he's going to do it but he's not sure what it'll be like. He said he hasn't had it in so long. Robin said she has to do it and she was vegan before her problems. She said she hadn't eaten any animal product in a long time and she found she was almost passing out at the start of the show. Howard said he found that out too. He said he had almost no energy. Robin said the first thing was that she wasn't able to walk from the microphone after the show. She said she ordered an omelet. She said she needed protein. She said she was revived after eating some egg. She said it was awful at first. She said even the smell would bother her.
Howard said now he's back on the top of the food chain. He said watch out. He said no birds are staying in his yard anymore. Robin wondered if Sal is eating birds. Howard said he talks to them and then eats them.
Howard said all the other vegetarians are fine but not him. He said he's not sure what's going on. Robin said she was fine until she had her big operation. Howard said his refrigerator is full of all kinds of stuff. He said there's no room for Beth's stuff now. He said she's annoyed. He said she says she needs some space in there. He said he wishes she'd come in and talk about that. He said she laughs at him. He said she found Lucky Charms with Frosted Flakes. He said that it's a combo. He said she is beside herself. He said she eats it silently and in private. He said she won't eat it when he's around. He said when he's eating his lunch she's eating 20 chocolate covered almonds. He said she's full on back into chocolate. He said she disappears when he goes upstairs after the show. He said she has a stash of gummy bears she was eating. He said she looks younger than ever and she's thin and never eats any real food. He said maybe he should be eating that stuff. He said look at her and then look at him. He said she looks like a goddess. He said she never worries about any of that.
Howard said he told the nutritionist about all of that. He said he told on her. He said she eats like she's 7 years old.
Robin asked what she eats for lunch. Howard said she'll have a grilled cheese or something. He said she likes Pierogis. He said she's eating that and he's throwing together his lunch from his 10 million Tupperwares.
Robin asked where he's getting his chicken from. Howard said from some place that makes you feel like it's ethical. He said he's just going to get it.
Robin said she was eating meat while she was out promoting her cook book. She said she still uses the recipes though when she is eating vegetables.
Howard read more about Ryan Seacrest's schedule. He talked about how he does the Kelly and Ryan show. Howard said he still thinks he has a better life than Ryan. He said all of that commuting is too much. He said he just has one show to deal with and Ryan has like 15.
Robin said that guy Tom Joyner had shows that he was flying to and he finally figured out that he didn't have to fly to each location and did them from one place.
Howard said there's the answer about Ryan. He said that you just wing it. Robin said he's not really known for being funny like Jimmy Kimmel or someone. Howard said if he was as good looking as him and had that voice he wouldn't be doing this shit. He said he'd be doing what Ryan is doing. He said he'd be asking what kind of cheese you eat. He said Sal wouldn't be working there. He said his life would be easier.
Howard said with his face he had to figure out something. He said no one was putting him on TV.
Robin said most radio people are funny looking. Howard said if they had a beauty pageant with radio guys he'd probably win. He said you've seen him. He said that Rick Dees was a good looking guy. He said he was funny too. He said he had a novelty song too. He said he had stuff going. He said he's not sure where he is but they do write each other once in a while. He said he wants to ask Rick where he is now. He said he had a huge radio career and wants to know where he is now. He said he had a career like Ryan Seacrest and he lost it to Ryan it seems.
Howard said on American Idol they had that Bobby Bones guy. Robin said that's the guy that Nikki Glaser talked about banging. Howard said he's not sure what he is. He said he tells the kids the same shit every time. He said he tells them to take their hands out of their pockets. He said he has no idea what to tell them about their voice. He said the guy has no idea what to tell them. He said this guy is a nice looking kid and he thinks they're telling Ryan if he screws up then they'll replace him with Bobby Bones. He said he could take over his whole empire like that.
Howard said Bobby Bones is there to remind Ryan that he could lose it all. He said imagine Nikki Glaser blowing that guy. He said he didn't really know who he was but now he knows they're grooming him to replace Ryan if he becomes an asshole. Robin said they do have to think ahead so good for them.
Howard said Jim Kerr was a great radio guy and when he saw him the first time he was shocked at what he looks like. He said he sounded like the coolest guy ever.
Howard said they should tell the story about shopping for his parents. He said he'll tell the story.
Howard asked what Beth had. She said that she had Frosted Flakes with Lucky Charms in it. She had almond milk in it so that made her feel better about it. Howard said he was told to drink regular milk with cereal. Howard said he's not eating cereal though so he's not having that.
Beth said that she wasn't able to find her almond milk this morning because of Howard's stuff in the fridge. Howard said he was told to chop up small stuff to eat. Beth said there are 57 Tupperwares in the fridge. Howard said he has leftover stuff from the day before. He said he has a whole system going with his new diet and he has no room for Beth. Beth asked if she can have a shelf. She said she just needs room for diet ginger ale and orange juice and a couple of other things. Howard said of course she can have a shelf. Beth said she has to label everything in there. She said there are so many things in here.
Howard said his diet is really annoying her. He said he has to do a whole preparation thing now. Robin said he can't eat fast food. She said it's all bad for you. Howard said he never should have done a blood test. Beth said they would have been back to normal if he hadn't gotten that test.
Howard asked what she has for lunch. Beth said chocolate coated almonds. She said they come in a huge container. She said she has vegan gummy bears for a snack. Howard said for dinner she has grilled cheese and things like that. He said she picks out the yolk of an egg. He said that's ridiculous. He said just make egg whites. Beth said tonight she's having pancakes for dinner. She said they'll be blueberry pancakes. Howard said every night she says to him that she's not enjoying her dinner.
Howard asked how she feels about eating chicken. She said she's not happy about that but she feeds the cats chicken and stuff. She said she might need her own refrigerator. Howard said the cat's chicken is in the refrigerator. He said she can't tolerate that.
Beth said they have a wild turkey outside. Howard said they do and he's running around. Beth said she's running away from Howard.
Robin told Beth about how she had to start eating chicken and things like that after her big operation. She said she had to do that because she had no energy. She said that's how badly Howard needs the protein. Howard said the nutritionist told him he has to. Beth said they're not going to eat beef though. Howard said he won't do that.
Howard said he got all depressed about his parents. Beth told him to tell a story. Beth said they visited his parents last weekend. Howard said it was horrible. Beth said she had the best time. She said she loves his parents. Howard said it's sad to visit them. He said it's sad to see them.
Howard said he told his mother to take a walk and she said they went to the bank. He said that's not going for a walk. Howard did his impression of his parents talking about going out to the bank.
Howard said he gets sad. Beth asked if he told the story about what they said about his hair. Howard said he did. He said his mother asked what was going on with his hair. He said that they talked about how great Beth looks and then ask about his hair. He said that his father must be wondering how he got her.
Howard said his mother was talking about how his hair had no shape. He said she told him he needed some shaping. Beth told him he is on camera so he should do something. Howard said he just wanted to get out of there. He said he stands by their door so he can get out of there. He said that his father wanted to know what time it was and they were there for like 25 minutes. Beth said she thinks that they logged an hour there.
Beth asked where Helen is. Howard said she's fine. He said he and Helen are going to eat chicken together. Beth asked if they're done. Howard said no.
Howard said he has to talk about more stuff. He said his mother is always emptying out the house. He said she's preparing for death. He said she says she's ''ready to go.'' He said that she has been saying that for years. Beth asked where he gets that from. Howard said they know.
Howard said it's kind of sad to see his parents in that shape. He said that his mother asked if he wanted stuff from their house. He said she had this incense burner and asked if he wanted it. He said he said he did want it. He said that he got it years ago from her. He said he was using it to burn incense when he paints. He said he liked having it around. He said Beth marches in and tells him that she's reading him something. He said it turns out that it's worse than smoking 3 packs of cigarettes. She said it's equivalent to smoking that much. She said she felt so bad about that. She said she knows that Howard loves it and his mom loved it too. She said that she hated sharing that but she had to.
Howard said his mother loved burning it too. He said he had special stuff he was burning that his mom told him about. He said he's not having any fun.
Howard said Beth tells him this and he was throwing it all out. He said that Beth told him to save it. He said it was over after she told him the news. He said it's amazing that incense is deadly and Lucky Charms are fine. He said that he's not sure how she does it. Beth said it's the Hydrow. Howard said she feels great. Beth said she has never felt better.
Howard said Beth's body is better than ever. He said he looked her over the other day at bang o'clock. Beth said he always leaves a light on. She said she notices that. Howard said he wants to look at her. He said she can't look at him. He said it's exciting to look at him. He said he gets worked up over that.
Howard said Beth has to promise that she won't marry anyone else if he dies. Beth said she won't visit him in his mausoleum. Howard said he has to be put in there. Howard asked if she can lock herself in the house and never leave if he dies. Beth laughed.
Howard said he's thinking about Beth and Ryan Seacrest. He said she was into his look the other night. Howard said she pointed out that his pants were tight and she wondered if he was stuffing.
Howard said the study that was done about incense was done by a tobacco company. He said there you go. He said that he threw out all of that stuff and kept the burner. He said now it's collecting dust like the rest of the shit in his house.
Howard said they went over to his mother's place and they were talking about the incense. He said he told his mom about how it's no good for you. He did his impression of his mother and father as he was telling the story. Howard said she told him that she stopped burning that stuff years ago. He said it makes a mess. Howard said she had to be kidding him. Beth said she had given him the burner because she had stopped burning it. Howard said everyone is out to get him.
Howard said his mother has this move. He said she doesn't have the internet. He said she says she loves to sleep in this men's t-shirt that she got years ago. He said she told Beth this story. He said she told Beth about how much she loves the shirt and how it has holes in it. She went and got it to show her. Howard said she came marching out with the shirt and it has holes in it. He said she says she's looked everywhere for a replacement. He said that she hasn't gone out to any store to look for it. Beth said she went to a store like 3 years ago.
Howard said his mother is complaining and almost crying. He said Beth looks at the shirt and it's a Lacoste men's shirt. He said that Beth got on the internet when they got home and found it immediately.
Helen pulled out Howard's headphones so Beth figured they should go. Howard let her and Helen go after that. Howard said she likes to have the cats in all of their life.
Howard said what his mother really wanted was Beth to search for the shirt. He said she says that's not what she's looking for but you know that's what she wants. He said you know what that's all about. He said his father told them to look up his shoes too. Howard said he asked what size he is because the shoes were so bad that the label wasn't readable. He said they ordered a bunch of shoes for him and the shirts for his mother. He said he got the call last night about the stuff showing up. He said his mother said it was like Christmas there. He said they were complaining that they got too much. He said they're happy now though. He said his mother got her shirt and his father got his shoes.
Howard asked how old Lex is. She said she's 30. Howard put her on with Ronnie. Lex said she feels like he's full of shit sometimes with Stephanie. She asked how far he really goes. Ronnie asked what she means. Lex asked if they like to role play. Ronnie said they're into heavy sex and that's it. Lex said she's the queen of role play. Howard said maybe he's into that. Lex said she'd like to run some scenarios by him. Ronnie told her to do it now. Lex said she was thinking that he could pretend that he's a baby calf and she's the mother and her tits are dropping down like udders and he comes up suckles on them. Ronnie said that sounds like it could be fun. Howard said it sounds like a lot of fun to him.
Howard asked Lex what she looks like. Lex said all of her great features come in pairs. She said she looks like Christina Applegate or Jennifer Aniston. She said she's a fucking weirdo. She said she's 5'7'' and 131 pounds with a tight ass. Howard said alright then.
Lex said she wants to role play where she smothers Ronnie in Twinkies and gravy and gross food. Howard said that's not hot. He said no offense but that's not hot. Lex said it can't all be hot. She said that she has one more scenario. She said that she'll be Ryan Seacrest and Ronnie will be a 19 year old Twink and she sucks him off with a strap on. Howard said Ryan isn't gay and who wants to suck on a dildo. He said she's losing him on this. Lex asked what's wrong with a little weird.
Howard said if the girl wants to walk in dressed in a school girl outfit that's hot. Lex said that's so 1991. Howard said there's nothing wrong with that.
Lex threw out another scenario where she's a young school girl and she comes in to suck off a washed up 71 year old limo driver. Ronnie said she had better go find one. She asked if he's into feet. Ronnie said he's not. She gasped.
Ronnie said how about he comes to her house and just sticks his dick in her ass. She said she'd have to check with her husband on that. She said her husband wants to fuck Stephanie. Ronnie said that's not happening. Lex asked when his birthday is. Ronnie said it's in October. She said he's very obsessive. She said she knew he was a Scorpio.
Howard asked what Lex does for a living. She said she sells some feet pictures and does some phone sex stuff. Howard said it was nice hearing from her. He sounded like he wanted out of the conversation. He said he she wasn't that interesting. Ronnie said she started off good. Howard said she was talking about there husband. He said she could have played up her looks. He said that she was too chatty. He said he just wanted her to shut up. He said she should have talked about being fully shaved and things like that. Howard said he and Ronnie should role play. Howard said she said she had really big tits and nice eyes. He said so does Benjy.
Everyone was doing an impression of her talking about her sex scenarios. Howard took a call from Alex who said that he wanted to role play with Ronnie. It was a guy doing a female voice.
Howard said sex doesn't need to be that complicated. He said guys just want to stick it in and have sex. Ronnie said that's not true. Howard said just have some fun and that's it. Ronnie said he had some fun last night. He said it wasn't anything crazy. He said they were watching some TV and Stephanie was laying on her side. He said she was just laying there and he was checking her ass out. He said he was giving her a massage. Howard asked if she was nude. Ronnie said they sleep naked. He said they love that shit. Howard said that's wild. Ronnie said that she loves it when he massages her. He said he was tickling between her ass cheeks. He said that they were going on with this for about 25 minutes. Howard asked if they were watching the TV. Ronnie said he wasn't paying attention. He said she was watching some shit on Netflix.
Howard asked how he gets back to the crack of the ass and what he's doing there. Ronnie said she has this spot that turns her on back here. He said it's at the top of her ass crack. He said it gets her really worked up. He said it's right at the top of the crack. Ronnie said whoever gets her next will have some notes about that. Howard said it must be like another clit. Ronnie said there's just something there that works her up. Howard said maybe she's just trying to watch some TV and she wants him to leave her alone. Ronnie said she likes the massage. He said if she didn't like it she would tell him. He said she will let him know if she doesn't want to be bothered. He said she'll start bucking like a bronco. He said he knows when she doesn't want it.
Howard asked what he did next. Ronnie said he moves in and his dick is hard and he slides it in between her ass cheeks. He said it's her time of the month so the find out other ways to have a good time. Howard asked if he puts his head in her ass. Ronnie said he kind of put it in between her ass cheeks. Howard said so he used the cheeks like a bun with his dick like the hot dog. Ronnie said that's right. He said that he gets so turned on that he has a lot of pre-cum coming out like a lubricant. He said it's not dry down there at all.
Howard said this is a 71 year old and he's jerking himself off with ass cheeks. He said most 71 year olds just go to bed. He said Ronnie is inventive. He asked where he finishes. Ronnie said in her ass. He said it's like a hot dog roll and it's like mustard. Howard said wow. Ronnie said he gets up to clean it up. He said she doesn't want to get it on the sheets. Howard asked if he ever gets any ass juice down there. Ronnie said she's so clean that it's never a problem.
Howard said there must be some ass juice. Ronnie said he only sees pussy juice. He said it's not ass juice. Howard asked if he ever accidentally puts it in her ass. Ronnie said it has to be a special occasion. He said that it might be after she's had some drinks.
Ronnie said on Sunday night she was watching a show and he was half asleep. He said there was a sex scene on TV and the next thing he knew they were fucking. He said she rolled over and that was it. He said they did it fast and he went back to sleep. Howard said he's cumming constantly. He said it's unbelievable. Ronnie said that's why it's great to sleep naked. He said it happens quick. Howard said he loves TV at night but he'd have a problem if someone was fucking his butt cheeks while he was watching TV. He said he can't combine the two. He said he wants to relax and watch TV.
Howard said Ronnie is so sexed up. Ronnie said he knows when to stop. Howard asked how many nights this is going on. Ronnie said last night was a rarity. He said that he usually leaves her alone during the week. He said last night he's not sure what was going on. He said that he just did it. He said she will pull him closer if she's into it.
Ronnie said he likes to hug her like a Teddy bear. He has one hand on a boob. He said that she's great and he loves her a lot. Howard said it sounds like they're having a good time. He said that he's impressed with Ronnie. He said he's so sexed up at this point in his life. He said he's not dead himself but he's not doing it as much as he is.
Howard said he doesn't think that Ronnie has than many interests. He said its just sex. Ronnie said that she comes home in her scrubs and he'll sneak into the bedroom when she's changing and she doesn't know he's in there. He said he'll be in the doorway and she'll turn around and tell him he scared the fuck out of her.
Howard said Ronnie is like a cave man. He said he has so many interests that he stays busy but Ronnie is just thinking about sex. He said it's all about sex for Ronnie. He said he's not sure who follows someone around the house like that. Ronnie said it's great. He said it's great to look at her in the bedroom with all the lights on.
Ronnie said that Stephanie will go into he bathroom with only panties on. He said that she will be in there cleaning her face and he can see her from the bed. He said she'll be bending over and things like that and he'll be watching. He said she knows that she's messing with him. He said that she will only do that later in the week. He said during the week on work nights she wears uglier stuff. He said that she wears old grandma outfits on Monday and Tuesdays.
Howard said sometimes he sees Beth taking a bath and she'll tell him to get the fuck out. He said he leaves her to her private time. He said he won't stand there watching her.
Ronnie said he'll just hop in the shower with her and start soaping up his dick. He said she tells him he's out of his mind. Howard asked if she ever wants to do stuff when he soaps it up. Ronnie said not really. He said those are work days. He said he'll get up on the weekends and let her sleep. He said he doesn't want to wake her up.
Howard said he imagines what's going through Robin's head hearing all of this. Robin said it's like having a rabid dog in your house. She laughed. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Ronnie talking about all of that stuff.
Ronnie said he'll be standing there holding his dick when she's in the mirror cleaning up. He said she'll tell him he's an asshole. Howard and Fred did more of their impression of Ronnie. They were getting all creepy talking about this stuff. Howard was talking about the hot dog and bun thing that Ronnie had mentioned earlier. They brought up a lot of the details that Ronnie gave earlier.
Howard said Ronnie is his hero. He said he's staring at a puppet while this is all going on.
Ronnie said a lot of people don't like to hear this stuff. Howard said it's just sex. Ronnie said it's fun. He said they have a good time. Howard said don't let them get to you. Ronnie said no way.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he was turned on to Foy Vance when Ed Sheeran was on the show. He said Ed said he was into Foy and he started listening to it. He said it's really good.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a great idea for a new calendar. He said he loves the Helen Rose calendar and he thinks that having Beth in it would be great. He said Robin too.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked what he thinks about innie vs. outie vaginas. Howard said they've talked about that before. He said some women have no roast beef outside. The caller asked if guys care. Howard said not this guy. He said he has no problem either way. He said the aesthetically more pleasing thing is not to have all of that roast beef outside. Robin said they're beef curtains. Howard said it's best not to have them but it really doesn't matter to him. He said he's never really noticed.
The caller said she and her friend have outies and they were stressing out about it. She said it's a hereditary thing so they can't help it. Howard asked Victoria if he can ask some questions. He wanted to know what she looks like. Victoria's friend Sarah got on and said that she's 39 and Victoria is 31. They're both single. Sarah said she has a boyfriend. She said she thinks she'll get engaged soon.
Howard asked if they're both naked. They said they're not right now. They said they were just checking each other out a few minutes ago.
Howard asked what they're wearing. Victoria said her vagina got puffy because of surgery she had for a tummy tuck. She said she was talking to Sarah about that and she showed her. Howard asked what Sarah looks like. They were talking over each other. Victoria said Sarah is very hot. She said she has big boobs and is like 5'3'' with dark hair. Sarah said she's 5'1''. She said her vagina is out. Howard asked if they have been drinking. They said they have. Sarah said that Victoria looks like Megan Fox. She's 120 pounds and 5'6'' tall. Victoria said she's 127 with triple Ds.
Howard asked what they were wearing. There was talk of tank tops and yoga pants. Howard asked if they have kissed. They said no. Victoria said that it hasn't happened but she's not against it.
Sarah said that Victoria is a superfan of Howard's. Howard asked Sarah to ask Victoria to kiss her. She kept talking about how much she loves Howard. Howard said he's not sure what's going on. Howard said just ask the other girl to kiss her. She said she's not sure if she wants to do that.
Robin said she thinks the call is breaking up now. Howard said the other one is so drunk they don't know what's going on. Sarah said that Victoria really loves Howard. Sarah asked for a peck real quick. They did that but she said it would be weird to get into it any more than that.
Howard asked if this girl has ever been with a girl. She said both of them have but not with each other. Howard said they should get fucking crazy and do something.
Howard asked how much of an outie they have. I think it was Sarah saying that it's not that much. Howard asked if they have a long piece like those people who have ear lobes that hang down. She said it's just out and not in. Sarah said she's older than Sarah and she feels proud about her's looks. Howard asked if they're both shaved. Sarah said they are.
Howard had Sarah explain what it looks like. She had Victoria show it and she told Howard what it looks like. She said the lips are small and taught. He said that the inner part shows but it doesn't hang at all. She said she's staring at it right now. Howard ask if she's touching it. Sarah said not at all. Howard told her to touch it. She said her lisp are perfect but not hanging at all. Howard asked if you can see her clitoris. He said try to find that. Sarah said she's not going to do that.
Howard took a call from Mark and Dave who were comparing their penises. Howard kept them on for a few seconds and let them go.
Howard asked how her asshole looks. Victoria said oh my god. Howard said that she should tell her to bend over and tell him how her asshole looks. Sarah asked her to bend over. She was apparently doing it and Sarah said it's like the perfect pink color. Howard asked if there's any hemorrhoids. Sarah said she has never seen an open cheek more than that. She said there's no hair or hemorrhoids in there. Howard said everything sounds good to him. He said that was a lot of fun.
Howard said if he was there he's sure he could get something going on there. Sarah said that they're so much fucking fun. She said she's about to drink more and snort another line. Howard said he figured something like that was going on.
Howard asked if they ever check each other for lumps for cancer. Sarah said that she does check her every month. Howard asked them to check now. He said these two are a party. Robin asked if they have anywhere to go today. Howard said hey obviously don't. Howard said he's going to let them go. He said don't worry about the look of your vagina. He said men don't really care. Robin said they only care about the smell. Howard said if a guy cares then he really only likes penis.
Howard said they were having a lot of fun. He said that High Pitch Erik is worked up about that whole thing. He said that he could probably get out to California. He picked up on Erik and he said he cold get out there. He said they were in Seal Beach. He said that's right near Long Beach. Howard asked what Erik would do with them. Erik said he'd have a threesome with them. Howard asked to talk to Low Pitch. Erik went into that voice and talked to Howard about what he'd do to those two. He said he'd tickle their asses and play with their tits. He said he'd eat their pussy and asses. He said he'd do coke off their asses. Howard told High Pitch Erik this is how you talk about sex. Erik said he loves Donnie Wahlberg though.
Howard talked to Low Pitch again about what he'd do to the girls. Howard asked High Pitch Erik if this is all gross to him. Erik said that it is. He said he likes Donnie. Howard said he's going nuts from all of this. He said that he has to stop. He thanked High and Low Pitch for calling in and let ''them'' go. Howard played a song parody about the two Eriks.
Howard said Tan Mom celebrated her birthday last week. He said they told her that Antonio Banderas was a fan so they had Ham Hands Bill call her as Antonio. He said they wanted to see if Tan Mom would catch on. He said he has the results for you. Howard played the clip of Bill calling Tan Mom. He asked Robin if she thinks Tan Mom will catch on. Robin said she's not sure about that. Howard played the clip and Sal called Tan Mom telling her they had Antonio Banderas on the line to talk to her. Tan Mom sounded happy about that. Bill got on with her and asked her to go out for a drink. Tan Mom sounded like she was into it. Bill started talking about what he'd do to her by smelling her butt cheeks and things like that. Tan Mom got upset when she said that she's not going to bend over because she has a bad back. She hung up on Bill. Howard said they call him ''Hamtonio'' lest anyone think that was the real Antonio.
Howard said that call was so over the top that they tried it with another celebrity. He said they called Tan Mom with Bill playing Woody Allen. Howard said this is Bill playing Woody Allen. Howard played the clip and Sal called her again and told her that they had Woody Allen on the line. Bill still sounded like himself but Tan Mom didn't seem to notice at first. It didn't take her long to figure out it was the same guy. She said she's hanging up. She said this is the Antonio Banderas guy. She said she's not doing anything that he asked her to do earlier. She said she's sick of his dick talk. Robin said that's great that she figured out it was Antonio Banderas.
Howard had Bill on the phone and told him that was a great impression. Bill said that call went on for like 20 minutes. Howard said they had to cut it down to air it. Howard said he did an excellent job.
Bill said there are some things on TV that he has to tell him about. He said there's a woman doing commentary in the NCAA that he should hear. He said there was another thing in an MMA Fight where one of the fighters was missing a finger and they had to stop the fight to try to find it. He said next thing they know it was stuck in the glove. He said they had to reattach that finger. Robin said she heard about that fight. Howard said he'd like to see that. He said he never knows where to see that. Robin said he has to call Ham Hands to find out. Howard asked where you see that. Bill said it was online. Howard had to hang up because that explanation was going on and on.
Howard said he lies that Bill is goofing on a deaf girl. He said he's in a wheelchair. He said he won that son parody contest and won a Jet Ski and he came in to get it in his wheelchair.
Howard said they interviewed Bill's nurse and she's an angel. He said Bill has been in a wheelchair since the age of 28 after a motorcycle accident. Howard said he would be bitter if he was in a wheelchair after a motorcycle accident. Howard said he'd be like Jeff the Drunk and wondering why me. He said Bill keeps going. He said Bill doesn't care that this woman has to wipe shit out of his ass. He said he can't think of a worse job than that.
Howard said Bill takes Metamucil now and the nurse was even wondering what the hell he's doing. He said he even sent a photo of one of his doodies. He said they reacted to that doody picture back in November. He played a clip from that show where they all saw the giant shit he took.
Howard said Robin has seen a lot of doody and she was shocked. Robin said she blanked that out. Howard said Sal got in touch with this nurse, Maria, who has been taking care of Bill for 14 years. He said this is her talking about what she does for Bill. Howard played the clip and she said she has to clean his pee bottle. She said that Monday, Wednesday and Friday he makes number 2 and she has to clean him up. She said it's difficult to clean that up. She said sometimes her gloves break. She said it smells bad too so she has to wear a mask. She said she has to help him shower too.
Howard said that poor woman. He said she's been doing that for 14 years. He said she's been double masking for 14 years. He said he wanted to give her a hug after hearing that. He said listen to this lovely woman. He said you can't get people born in this country to wipe his ass. He said they think they're too good.
Howard played another clip where Sal talked to Maria about people who are worse than Bill. Maria talked about a guy who makes a doody and he puts it on the wall. She said she has to clean that up.
Howard said when he heard Trump giving Rush Limbaugh the medal of freedom he thought about Maria. He said this is who should get that medal of freedom. He said that's what keeps America great, that woman.
Howard said they asked Maria about Bill's pervy side. He played a clip of Maria telling Sal that he shows it to her all the time. He said she sees that and leaves the room. She said she doesn't want to see that. Sal asked if he ever makes a mess by touching himself. Maria said sometimes she sees a stain in the bed. She said she asks to see his hands. She said that Bill says he did nothing. Howard said Beth thinks he's a lot to deal with. He said she doesn't know.
Howard played another clip where Sal asked her about Robin straddling a patient one time to make him feel like a man. Maria said that's like a hooker and she shouldn't have done that. Robin said that's good to know.
Howard said that Sal asked Maria about the Howard Stern Show. He played a clip of Maria talking about how she likes Howard's voice and it's too sexy for her. Sal asked if she would go on a date with Howard. She said yes. Howard said now you're talking honey. He said in a few years he might need someone to clean his doody.
Howard took a call from Tan Mom who said that Antonio Banderas was not a nice guy. Howard said they thought it would be nice to have him call her. Tan Mom said he was asking her to do a lot of weird things. She said it was a lot of fun though. Howard said he's a fabulous actor though. Tan Mom said she just wanted to thank them for the birthday thing.
Howard asked if Antonio should call her again. Tan Mom said no. Howard said happy birthday to her. Robin asked if she has a boyfriend like she said in the call. Tan Mom said that she does and Memet knows the whole story. She said they'll know the story soon. Howard asked Memet what's going on there. Memet said he was told that she was dating this guy via her phone. He said that the guy is in New Jersey and she's in Florida. He said that he only shows his penis on camera when she's with him. He said that he won't let anyone call him at home. He said he thinks it's a scam and it might be dangerous.
Howard asked Tan Mom if she's ever heard the expression ''catfished.'' Tan Mom said no. Howard said this guy could be a fake. He said that you don't know if this guy is ''Antonio.'' Tan Mom said that's why she talked to Memet about it. Howard said he's being serious now. He said that this guy might be up to some kind of scam. He said if he doesn't show his face on Facetime then he might be trying to scam her. Howard asked if she thinks that he could be running a scam on her. Tan Mom said that's why she's talking to Memet. Memet said that every time he thinks he's getting through to her he hears a few days later that she's still doing stuff with him.
Howard asked if they're having phone sex. Tan Mom said she's not answering those question. Howard said he's trying to help here. He asked if she touches herself. Tan Mom said she can't answer that. Howard said that must be a yes. Tan Mom said that she needs help. Memet said he hears that they get on Facetime and she hasn't been in a passionate relationship for a long time so this guy is taking advantage of her. He said that he could record it and use it. Howard asked what this guy is having her do. Memet said he thinks that she's having sex over the phone and she's showing her stuff. Tan Mom said no, no, no. Howard asked if she showed her vagina to the guy. Tan Mom said she swears she did not. She said no bottom parts. She said she showed her breasts. Howard asked if she pushed them against the computer screen. Tan Mom said she did. Howard said this guy could ruin her reputation. Tan Mom said she gets it now. Memet said they don't want her to get chopped up by this guy or something. He said the guy refuses to talk to him. He said he's trying to find out if he's a good guy.
Howard asked what this guy is going to do when he sees her. Tan Mom said they will do stuff. She said they talked about having intercourse and stuff. She said they know what it would be.
Memet said that she can't have a conversation with the guy about normal things. He said he has his penis out and that's it. Howard asked Tan Mom if he ever said he wanted her to watch TV and let him put his penis between her ass cheeks and use his mustard as natural juices. Tan Mom said no. Howard said it must not be Ronnie then. Tan Mom said now the whole world knows what's going on with her.
Howard said that he has her boyfriend on the line right now. He took a call from one of the guys in the back who said he's having plastic surgery for her and that's why he's not showing his face. Tan Mom asked if this is that Banderas guy all over again. Howard let him go after she said that.
Howard said the guy who Tan Mom is with looks like Bradley Cooper. Howard said a guy like that would show her his face. Tan Mom said she has seen him on Facetime. She said that was just a photo he sent her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to date Tan Mom. That didn't go over very well with her.
Howard said he has Prince Harry on the phone because he wants to date her. Howard took the call and one of the guys was doing a British accent and told her that he was going to leave Meghan Markel for her. Tan Mom said she won't go with him. Howard said she's crazy. Harry asked if she can send him some unmarked bills to his account in the Cayman Islands. Tan Mom said this is fucked up. Howard let Harry go after that.
Howard said Tan Mom is looking for a man and when these guys get on and say they're going to do this stuff it turns her on but you have to be legitimate. He said she has to slow it down.
Memet said if this guy is real then he challenges him to call him and let him know that he's real. Tan Mom said that she talked to Memet about it and she knows that it could be a scam. She said she has gone back and forth. Howard said Memet was scammed and went to the woods to meet a woman but it turned out to be a guy. Memet said he never actually went. He said he did get catfished though. He said he was about to go on a bus to meet someone and he was stopped. He said that's why he's alive today.
Howard said it would be kind of sad if this is a real guy who just doesn't want to be on the Howard Stern Show. He said Tan Mom needs love but not this kind of love. He let her go after that. He said he worries about Robin too. He said he doesn't want her being catfished.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that they took this gay imagination cap and put it on JD for that bit. He said that was a very involved answer. Robin said it sounded like he was in love.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they've had quite a trajectory this morning. He said they went from the girls checking out each other's vaginas to Tan Mom. Robin said it's been all sex, all day. Howard said they should have higher aspirations than that on this show.
The caller said that Ronnie was probably chomping at the bit to get in on that conversation. Howard said if he was in the room with them he would manage them a whole different way.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was going to ask about his wife eating that garbage. He asked how annoying that is. Howard said he is jealous that he can't do that. Robin said she still drinks coffee and wine and all of that. Howard said that's why she can't relate to him.
Howard took a call from a woman calling in from New Mexico. Howard said he went there and it was nice. He said he found out that New Mexico and Mexico are not the same place. The caller said Howard was in a dream of her's and it was wonderful. Howard asked if he was sucking out her blood like a vampire. She said no but she did catch him looking at her and she peeked at him and he came out and took off his clothes and jumped in the pool and he had a rock hard body. She said it was wonderful.
Howard asked if she's an attractive woman. She said she thinks she is but she's a little older. Howard said most women who dream about him are older and maybe a little over weight. He said she might have a cute face. She said she's not overweight. He said it was nice to be in her dream then.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he enjoyed that interview with Mad Dog yesterday. Howard said he really likes him. He said he doesn't listen to his show much because he's not into sports but he really likes him when he talks to him. He said he used to see him on Letterman and wondered what country he was from with that odd accent. He said he's not sure what that's about.
Howard read some feedback about the Mad Dog interview. He said some fans thought that it was Sour Shoes. He read some feedback about that.
Howard said the big news was that Chris was on weed gummies. He said the fans wrote in about that. He read some feedback about that.
Howard said he loves Mad Dog too because he had an answer for all of his questions. He said that he's not wishy washy. He had a montage of him going wild with his answers. He said the Wrap Up Show put that together.
Howard said that was the great Mad Dog Russo. Robins said the other thing that was interesting was the plane thing where he said he had popped a Valium.
Howard said that he also talked about his new diet on Tuesday. He read some feedback about that. He said the fans told him to just listen to the nutritionist and not to Robin. Robin said he was once told that cucumbers were good for him and what happened. Howard said his daughter told him that so he was eating a lot. He said he went and got a colonoscopy and the doctor told him he was eating too many because the seeds were in his colon.
Robin said the other thing was salmon. Howard said he ate that for years for lunch and dinner. He said he was told that his white blood cell count was down. He said it turns out that his mercury levels were at a 34 and should have been like at a 7. He said he had mercury poisoning. Robin said don't tell her not to tell him to be moderate. She said Tofu will kill you. She said you have to eat in moderation.
Howard read some feedback about Richard's new prank call they played yesterday. Howard said they had fake Seth Rogen on and someone suggested that hey have him interview the real Seth. He said maybe they'll do that when Seth is on.
Howard said this whole Jeopardy host thing is out of control. Robin said Aaron Rogers isn't so bad but he has no timbre in his voice. She said he doesn't quite have it in his voice. Howard said Alex Trebek had a great voice. He said it can't get in the way on a show like that. He said you can't have a voice too high or too low either. He said it has to be just right.
Howard said that some people wrote in about the Jeopardy hosting thing. He had some comments about what Jon Hein has said about that. He said he may have to tune in to see Aaron Rogers hosting. Robin said he'll be back on tonight. Howard said he should read the question like he's calling a football play. He said that might work.
Howard asked if Robin thinks that he could play Jeopardy and do well. Robin said she thinks he played celebrity Jeopardy and did okay. Howard said you always got the impression that Alex Trebek was smart like that. Robin said he did carry it off very easily. Howard said Aaron actually won Celebrity Jeopardy. He said so did Robin. Howard said they should try Robin out on that show. He said she'd be terrific. Robin said don't call because she doesn't want it. Howard said that's how you do it. He said that's what he did with America's Got Talent. He said they couldn't beg him enough to do it.
Howard said it pisses him off when he sees all of these people going on spring break and things like that. He said we're so close to getting rid of this thing. He said we have to mask up and get this under control. He said guys like this are suffering. He said everyone is suffering. Robin said we could reopen. Howard told Josh to hang in there. Josh said his mother won't see anyone. He said she's staying home. He said it's hard. Howard said absolutely. He said people are so selfish. He said it'll get better. He said half the country is filled with morons and we have a situation that needs to be dealt with. He said they just don't get it.
Howard said he has some examples of what people are up to. He said down in Texas they interviewed a guy celebrating St. Patrick's day and he thinks this whole thing is over. Howard played the clip and the guy was talking about how much easier it is not to wear a mask.
Howard said a lot of college students went off to spring break. He had some audio of some college kids talking about how COVID is basically gone in Florida. Howard said it's not gone. He said Florida has the highest incident of the new variant. He said it's not over.
Howard had a clip of a guy talking about how he didn't care about COVID and he's down there from Boston because they don't need to wear masks there.
Howard said this YouTuber posted a video of fans stopping him on the street and no one was wearing a mask. In the clip the guy said that no one is wearing masks and he knows people are going to comment. He said shut the fuck up about that because you wouldn't be wearing a mask there either.
Howard said 405,000 people have viewed that. He said he hates that the guy has fans.
Howard said he has another YouTuber who asked fans what they would do during the pandemic. He played the clip and the spring breakers were saying they have to eat some butt and have sex. They didn't care about the pandemic. Everyone was saying it was bullshit
Howard said he thinks Dr. Fauci said just go out and ''be me.'' He said that close to 1,000 people died from the Coronavirus yesterday in the U.S.
Ralph said the second best was the Executive Producer. He said Aaron Rogers was the next best. He said Katie Couric and Ken Jennings are the next. He said Katie wasn't that good so he'd have go with Ken above her. He said that Ken still comes in at the worst at the bottom. Howard said Ralph is working hard making lists over there. He said congratulations on the list and let him go. Howard said he's obviously very busy making lists. Howard said he thinks they have done enough show today. He said John Stamos will be on the show next week. Robin said that she watched his show ''Big Shot'' and she loved it. She said she only got to see 3 episodes but they were great. She said the kids are great and the casting is great. She said he's doing some acting and she thought it was a really good show. She said she doesn't like mushy stuff unless it's done well and this was done well. She congratulated John on the work he did. Robin said he has the hair of the gods and his hair line never moves. Howard said they'll talk to John next week.
Howard said JD feels guilty about living OJ Simpson. He said you have to hear this. He played a clip of JD talking about how funny and charismatic OJ is in movies. They even had a song about it that JD asked them not to create.
Howard said JD also has a problem with loving Woody Allen movies. JD said he doesn't love OJ. He said he liked his character Nordberg. He said that the Naked Gun movies were great. Howard said he only saw them once and didn't know that was his character's name. Robin said she isn't doing an OJ Simpson film fest.
Howard asked JD if it's okay to love Harvey Weinstein movies or is he feeling guilty about that. JD said it is jarring to see his name come up but there are some great films that he produced. He said he was more the money man and didn't write them.
Howard asked if he has a hard time with the Cosby show. JD said he never really watched that. He said he doesn't seek out Woody Allen movies. Howard asked if he has a problem with Mel Gibson movies. JD said he can still watch some of his movies. Howard asked if he can still eat at Subway. JD said he hasn't eaten there in a while. Howard said they didn't know in their defense.
Howard said there you go. He said he will watch a Mel Gibson movie. JD said he never said he has no problem with the guy. Howard asked if he can watch Penn State games. JD said he doesn't watch them anyway.
Howard asked if Nordberg should have his own movie. JD started laughing so hard he was barely able to speak. He said it just hit him funny when he said that. Howard said JD loves his boff. JD said he's not sure if he'd want to see that. Robin said he should put together a Nordberg film festival. JD said he's only in 2 movies. Robin said maybe he can get him on the phone for that. JD said maybe if the Zuker brothers got together and made a movie with him he'd watch it.
Howard asked JD about Nordberg rolling down the steps at dodger stadium and if that was really OJ. JD said he thinks that was a doll of some sort. Howard said he could reenact that scene with the real OJ and throw him down the stairs.
Howard asked JD if he would watch Nordberg in a movie if the plot was Nordberg killing his wife. JD said he can't imagine watching that. He said he wouldn't want to see him kill his wife. Robin said OJ should always play a guy who kills his wife in every movie he's in.
Howard asked if JD can listen to a record produced by Phil Spector. JD said he's not sure he would have listened to many of the things he has produced. Howard said he was convicted of killing a woman. Robin asked if he listens to the stuff he produced with The Beatles. Howard said he does. He said he doesn't like what Phil did but he listens to The Beatles
Howard asked who is worse, Phil Spector, Woody Allen or OJ Simpson. JD said he would say that he'd take Phil out of there because he thinks it was an accident. Howard said Phil wishes JD was on the jury. JD said that's a tough call. Howard said he has an answer. He said ultimately it's OJ. He said he took a life if he actually did that. JD said it was two. He said he'd probably go with OJ too.
Robin asked about Robert Blake. Howard said he was found innocent. Robin said so was OJ. Howard said that's why he can watch Nordberg the movie. Howard asked if JD watches Roman Polanski movies. JD said he has but he isn't his favorite director or anything.
Howard asked JD who is worse, Harvey Weinstein or Bill Cosby. JD said Harvey Weinstein. He said he thinks he's worse than Cosby. Howard said he thinks his head is going to explode. He said that Mad Dog was quick with his opinions. He said JD has trouble with his decisions. He said he is getting answers out of this guy today. He thanked JD for that. He said they're all bad so leave it at that.
Howard said it's all horrible. He said just close your eyes and try to wish it all away. Robin said pretend that life is beautiful.
Robin said there's going to be a new Kung Fu show with an all Asian cast. Howard said he's there. Robin said we wouldn't have accepted an Asian before. Howard said the original series was written for Bruce Lee but Hollywood decided that they had to have David Carradine play the part. Robin said they tried to make him look Asian. Howard said it was ridiculous. Howard said he will watch this new one.
Robin said that there's a new movie about Pinocchio and it looks amazing. Howard said he's not sure he's going to like that. He said he doesn't like when toys come to life. He did his Soupy Sales voice talking about that. Howard said the new Kung Fu is on the CW and it premieres tonight. Howard said he'll be watching with his penis in his wife's butt. Robin said that's Ronnie's thing.
Howard said he was going to tell Robin about Broadway and how they want to open by September. He said he's not sure that will happen. Robins said they hope to have people vaccinated by the summer. Howard said they're thinking of bringing Game of Thrones to Broadway. He said if you want to be real about that then have it all in the dark. He said they say it would take place before The Khaleesi. He said that's a big mistake. He said they have to have nudity like they did in Hair. He said they have to get someone naked in there. He said he didn't love that show but everyone was naked and that's why he checked it out. He said doing that show without The Khaleesi is like doing Baywatch without Pam Anderson.
Howard started making up songs for the musical about the Khaleesi when she stopped getting naked. He said he'd watch a musical about that. He said that would be a good show.
Robin said that Marissa Tomei was on Broadway and once in a while she would get naked. She said that she went to see it with Ralph and he hoped she would get naked. She said that was one of the nights she did it.
Howard said he went to see Hair with his parents and he was so embarrassed by the whole thing. He said they wanted him to see it. He said the girls came out naked on stage with full bush. He said they were front row center and he thought he was going to get poked in the eye with those bushes.
Robin said Marissa was dancing around when she was naked on stage. Howard said he doesn't think he'd go to see the Game of Thrones on Broadway. Robin said she thinks it would be a mess. Howard said he started watching King Kong vs. Godzilla. He said it was a mess so he gave up on it. He said King Kong was talking to a deaf girl with sign language so he didn't like that. He said now he's identifying with Kong. He said then they were talking about Godzilla only attacking people when something bad is going on in the town. He said he's a good guy until bad people are doing bad things. He said King Kong is having sign language with a deaf girl. He said he didn't finish it. He said it was bullshit. He said the effects were good but then they started with the bullshit.
Howard said how about Godzilla vs. Nordberg. Robin said Nordberg would probably win. Howard said he'd sneak up behind Godzilla. He said he really has to end the show. They wrapped up around 10:40am.