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Howard started the show talking about how they have a lot of excitement this morning because Ronnie will be hypnotized. He said they did this a couple of years ago and Ronnie came in his pants. Robin said a lot of things happened. Howard said he was coming on to Jason Statham and more. Robin said he didn't exactly explode.
Howard said Ronnie was under and there was a big sex scenario and then he said ''Uh oh'' and had to run into the bathroom. He had a clip to play from that day. He said this is Ronnie running out of the studio that day. He said he came in his pants that day. He said he's hypnotized right now and he admitted that. He said it took Scott Schmaren a while to get him hypnotized today but he finally got it out of him.
Howard played the clip where Ronnie ran out of the studio that day. Howard said he zipped right out of the studio. He said he's the horniest and most hypnotizable man in America. Robin didn't remember that.
Howard said they have a while line up of things to do with Ronnie today. He said they'll give him a trigger word of NASCAR and he'll think he's being pegged with a dildo in his ass. He said they're going to make him a woman and let him evaluate the guys in the office. He said that should be fun. He said they're also going to make his dick grow so big he'll be able to suck his own dick and kiss it. He said when he's a girl he's going to see hard penises in front of him and he'll love it. He said they're going to take him back in time when he's watching his parent's threesome. Robin said they'll be able to find out what he actually did.
Howard said he loves that they can use hypnotism to fuck with Ronnie. He said it's such a powerful thing to use and this is what they use it for. Howard said they have Stephanie in the room with Ronnie today because they have to make sure someone is there. He said that they're also going to have Ronnie turned on by King of All Blacks and Ronnie will want to piss all over him. He said they're going to have him acting like he's Rush Limbaugh too. He said that should be interesting. He said he won't know what to do.
Howard said it's going to be a really big show today. He said they can bring that on any time they want. He said they're ready to go now. He said Gary said he's so out of it that his head is back and he's almost asleep.
Howard said he likes to think that he can't be hypnotized because he's so smart. He said that he thinks that it can't work on a smart person. Robin said she has been hypnotized. She said that she was only able to get a post hypnotic suggestion for certain things. She said that she woke up when the guy tried to get her to do something she didn't want to do. Howard said Sal and Ronnie are the two guys on the staff who can get hypnotized so what does that say?
Howard said Caitlyn was a complete lunatic when it came to politics. He said she was almost anti LGBTQ. He said that the people she supported weren't for trans rights. He said that the gay movement hasn't embraced her persona. He said it doesn't correlate. He said he's not sure what this political thing is. He said it's all over the place. Robin said it makes her suspicious about how smart she is and how much she knows. She said if you don't know that conservatives are anti-gay then you don't know.
Howard said she has people working with her from the Trump campaign. He said he's not sure why you'd do that if you're trans. He said here are people out there who want to kill you for being trans so she might want to rethink that. He said he's not sure who's voting for her.
Robin said she has such a lack of electability. Howard said he won't laugh off anything in California. He said they had Arnold Schwarzenegger. He said he got really lucky that he had Gary Coleman running against him. He said that it was a limited choice of who to vote for. Robin said what cracks her up is that when it's a regular election you have to be a politician but in a recall election it can be anyone.
Howard said Caitlyn was in an accident and killed a woman so that could hold her back too. He said Ted Kennedy was able to win after his accident though. He said we'll see what happens.
Howard said someone told him that Caitlyn is on Cameo getting $2,500. He said the videos are like 7 seconds long too. He had some examples of her videos for her fans. Howard played some of those examples. They were kind of short. Howard said he thought you'd get something longer for that kind of money. He played another one where Caitlyn gave some advice about how to make it to 24.
Howard said he likes that it's $2,500. He said he'd start off with a ''Hey sucker...'' if he was making that kind of money. He started to play another one and wondered who is paying for these things. He said he's had enough. Robin said people have money to waste on that. Howard said maybe the stimulus checks are paying for it. He said you just need two.
Howard had Fake Caitlyn Jenner on the phone to talk so he picked up on her. He talked to her about being on The Masked Singer and about transgender rights and things like that.
Howard asked Caitlyn how she's going to run for governor. Caitlyn started to sing for him and said she's going to say shit like that when she's asked a question.
Howard asked why Caitlyn sang a song that she's not in touch with on The Masked Singer. Caitlyn said a lady never tells her age and she's into those songs. She said that's like Hey Jude. Howard said he was shocked that she chose that song.
Howard said he saw her on YouTube and she was getting makeup done. He said she has her own YouTube channel. Caitlyn said she's like a 6'4'' Olivia Jade. Howard said he was watching YouTube and they have a lot of ads on there. He said he paid for YouTube Premium and he has no commercials now. Robin said she would rather have the commercials and skip them after 5 seconds. Howard said it's worth having it so there are no commercials. He said he likes it that way. Howard said he didn't know you could pay not to have them.
Howard asked Caitlyn if she feels guilty about charging $2,500 for a birthday message on Cameo. Caitlyn said she always starts them off the same way. She said people really relate to them. Howard asked what she's wearing right now. Caitlyn said he's the worst. Howard said they should get a little sexy right now. Caitlyn said she just got her toes done and she has nothing on under her robe. She said he's making her blush. Howard asked how big her titties are. Caitlyn said she might be governor of California and this is what he's asking about. She said she's between a D and a G. Howard said she has to rub one of her titties against the phone. Caitlyn took one out and rubbed it against the phone. She said this is the greatest thing. She kept rubbing them on the phone. Howard said he can hear it. Caitlyn said that's her tit.
Howard asked if she has fucked around at all sexually since she became a woman. Howard let her go before she could answer. Howard said let them know if she's running for governor.
Howard said he has so much to tell Robin. He said that he's so spoiled. He said he has a box of tissues in there and he was having trouble getting one out of the box and wanted to yell at someone. He said he's spoiled. Robin said he has been for a long time. She said she was going to ask him a question about making his own bed in the morning. Howard said he does during the pandemic. Robin said he told her he gave that stuff up a long time ago when she asked before the pandemic. Howard said he never had to open tissues at Sirius. He said he had someone there to do it for him. He said he never even had to get out of his own chair. He said he needs a bell. He said when the pandemic is over he has to get Baba Booey in there to get him stuff.
Howard said everything aggravates him. He said that it has to be perfect. He asked Robin if he was like that when they first met. Robin said he used to drive them around in his Valiant. Robin said Howard would try to do things. She said every time they drove around they got lost. Howard said he had a bad sense of direction. He said before Ronnie he'd drive the same place every day and get lost every time. He said something is wrong with him.
Robin said it always became a disaster whenever he did anything. Howard said he's not proud of it. He said he's working with a psychiatrist on all of that.
Howard said he never even had an ATM card. Robin laughed. Howard said he blames his parents. Robin asked what they did. Howard said nothing and that's the point.
Howard said Manhattan is the easiest place to live because it's on a grid. He said it's very simple. He said he can't figure it out. He said people can tell him where they want to meet and he has no idea how to get there. He said that he'd die from starvation if they left him to find his own way home.
Howard said he had a fit yesterday. He said he went on Facebook. He said hew wanted to see how bad his high school friends were aging. He said he's friends with people from different eras in his life. He said he thinks he's aging horribly but then he sees them and they're much worse. He said he looks at women who have rejected him in the past to see what they look like. He said that they should have fucked him back then.
Howard said he's friends with Ted Utz who they worked with in the past. He said that he hasn't spoken to Ted in like 40 years ago. Robin said she has probably spoken to him more. Howard said he hasn't seen him since back then when they went to see Led Zeppelin together. Robin said she used to run into him at the rock and Roll Hall of Fame dinners. Howard said he was good on radio. He said he became a GM and got off the air. He said he's not sure how he did that but he thinks he's retired and in a rock band now.
Howard said he decided to get on Facebook and he never really goes on it. He said don't bother trying to friend him. He said it's just for his kids. He said that he was told that his account had been suspended. He said he was told he was impersonating a celebrity. He said that he wondered who he was impersonating. He said he didn't know what was going on.
Howard asked what Robin is drinking. Robin said she has a green juice. She said it's vegetables. Howard said he thinks she should drink water and eat vegetables. He said he should get off her case. Robin said Howard was eating all wrong and he's going to tell her what to do? Howard said he got his blood taken on Thursday and the tests came back normal. He said that he was happy about all of that.
Howard said he's been eating normal and he's got a lot of energy. He said the new meals he's eating is really helping. He said he's trying all of this new stuff and he's like a new man. He said that nutritionist helped.
Howard said getting back to Facebook he was being accused of impersonating a celebrity. He said they told him to write them and they'll send a special code to put in. He said he figured it was a scam or maybe not. He said they don't care that Russia interfered with the election but they care about a celebrity. He said that's kind of good but why do they care so much about that. He said it said they would send a code to him. He said he did what they asked and he got the code. He said then they asked him for a photo of himself. He said they wanted one without anyone else in it. He said it had to be him alone. He said that he has no pictures of himself available. He said he told Beth what was going on and he said he was just going to go online and find one. He said Beth gave him one she had. He said the picture was him holding their cat Belle. He said he told her that he can't have anyone else in it. He said she said it was just a cat. He said he has no other pictures of himself available so he just tried that.
Howard said he sent them the picture. He said then they wrote back that he had to send a driver's license or a passport. He said they said they have the right to keep it for up to a year. He said they must think he's Sal. He said he's not giving them any of this stuff. He wondered what the point of all of this is. He said he only goes on Facebook to see how bad people have aged. He said it's that or to talk to Ted Utz. He said that they stared asking for all of that and he gave up. He said he doesn't want his account if they have to have all of that. Robin said that is all of your identity and they can be you.
Howard said they're such assholes over there. Robin said if they kicked her off she wouldn't want to be on anymore. Howard said he gave them his phone number and proved it was him. He said it's bullshit. He said he's giving up his account so fuck it. He said his people looked into it and they think it's a legitimate thing.
Howard said he doesn't care that much. He said the only thing he cares about is having his own name on Facebook. He said he somehow got on their radar. He said that it sounded like a scam. Robin said she can't believe that he was doing all of that. Howard said he went as far as the picture with the cat. He said that's been posted on Instagram before. He said that he's not going to spread his ass cheeks and gape for them.
Howard said the first girl on The Crown was kind of hot but the second one was kind of not hot.
Howard said the guy's big claim to fame is that he pushed the monarchy toward modernization. He said that he said a lot of dumb shit in public though. He said he was kind of like Sal.
Howard said that there are people who were hated in his family and when they die they talk about how great they were. He said this one guy he knows is broken hearted now that his wife is gone but he hated her when she was around. Robin said no one can give a personal anecdote about this Prince Philip.
Howard read about some of the dumb things that Prince Philip has said in public. He had a bunch of really dumb comments that he has made in public. There were some racist comments and some very insensitive comments. Howard said they used to call him Prince Rickles.
Howard said Don Rickles wife passed away. He said she was a very nice woman. He said he just read her obituary a couple of weeks ago.
Howard said he had a thought for a movie. He said Prince Philip and DMX died on the same day and they can switch bodies. He said that DMX would be fucking the queen and Prince Philip would be singing DMX songs and using the N-word.
Howard said he's dead and some people are trying to connect that to the Oprah and Prince Harry and Meghan Markle interview. He said they think he was so upset about it that it killed him. Howard said now they can blame the racist comments on him. Robin said it sounds like it fits with what Howard was reading.
Robin said the talk was about Prince Harry and if he'll go back to see the family for the funeral. Howard said he thinks Harry will realized he fucked up in a couple of years and go back. He said he was reading about how Prince Philip retired from his job at 96 years old. He said he was thinking that would be like Ralph saying he was retiring from his job. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
King said he has something to tell him about weed. Howard let out a sigh and told him to call him later. Howard said he's such a bad caller because he always says he's going to tell him about something instead of just telling him about it. He said he's been calling in for like 20 years and he still does this. He said he's actually kind of interested in hearing what he has to say but he always does this. He did his impression of King telling him he has something to talk about instead of just getting to it. He said when that guy started calling in he thought he was trying to trace his calls like he was in the FBI or something. He said he's going to take a break and pish. He said he suggests everyone do the same. He said he doesn't want to break when they do the Ronnie thing. He went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said earlier this year they hypnotized Sal and he started talking to Leslie West in Heaven and things like that. He said they did a lot. He said Scott is back to hypnotize Ronnie. He said last time they did this Ronnie came in his pants because things got so sexy for him. Howard said he's no spring chicken so it's amazing that he's cumming at all.
Howard said the last time they did this was in 2014 or so. He played a clip from back then when Ronnie was talking about some girls he was watching get it on on front of him. He was cracking up while he was telling everyone about playing Naked Monopoly.
Howard said Scott also made Ronnie think he was a woman. He played a clip from that part of the hypnotism. Ronnie was playing the part of a 28 year old woman named Jamie.
Howard said he's going to introduce you to Scott Schmaren. He said he helps people quit smoking in his every day life. Scott said he does all kinds of things to help people. Howard said Ronnie is already relaxed and hypnotized. Robin said he's looking more and more like Papa Smurf. She said she wouldn't say that if he was awake.
Howard said they have come up with an agenda and they're going to get to it. Scott said he has a list there. Howard said he wants to do number 1 first. Scott said he can mention what it is. Howard said when he says the word NASCAR Ronnie is going to feel like he's getting pegged in the ass. Howard asked Ronnie if he likes this whole thing. Ronnie said he does. He said that he was thinking about weird shit just now. He said that he was thinking about a lot of fun stuff. He said he was thinking about the block party shows and how much fun they were. He said he was out there just having fun and doing crazy stuff. He said it was weird fucking stuff. He said he was listening to his own heart beating in his headphones just a few minutes ago. He said that his mouth is very dry too.
Howard asked if Ronnie watched NASCAR this weekend. Ronnie said of course he did. Ronnie was acting weird as he said that. Howard said he just asked about NASCAR. Ronnie said his ass hurts. Howard said he's not sure what's happening. Ronnie said he watched it on Saturday and Sunday. He asked what Howard is doing to him. Howard said he's just asking about NASCAR. Scott was cracking up at this. Howard asked if Ronnie is getting hard. Ronnie laughed and said no. He said he was before though.
Howard asked if he can describe what's going on. Ronnie said it feels like something is going up his ass. He said it's crazy. Howard asked if he's getting aroused. Howard mentioned NASCAR again and Ronnie was reacting to it. Howard said everything with him is NASCAR, NASCAR, NASCAR. Ronnie said he can't sit anymore. He had to stand up. Scott was cracking up. Howard said don't shit your pants. Ronnie said he doesn't know what's going on. Howard mentioned NASCAR again. Ronnie was laughing too. He said something is going up his ass. He said he's not doing anything.
Howard said he's trying to have a conversation with him. Ronnie asked what he's doing to him. He kept saying NASCAR and Ronnie laughed and asked what he's doing to him. Robin asked what's wrong and why he keeps jumping up. Ronnie said he wishes he knew. Howard said now he's talking NASCAR and he's acting silly. Ronnie was standing so Howard asked him to sit. Howard threw out NASCAR A bunch more. Ronnie asked what he's doing to him.
Howard said they should do their thing and let Ronnie relax. Ronnie was cracking up. Howard asked what's going on. Ronnie said that he's not sure. Howard said he wants to know what happened in NASCAR this weekend. Ronnie let out a yell and asked what's wrong with him. He said he's just asking about NASCAR. He said he has no idea what he's doing. Howard said they should never undo this. Howard asked him about what happened this weekend in NASCAR again. Ronnie was cracking up. Howard asked what happened in NASCAR this weekend. Ronnie kept letting out the yelp and laughing.
Howard said he doesn't get what's going on with him. Ronnie said he doesn't either. Howard let out a slow ''NASCAR'' and Ronnie asked what he's doing to him. Howard said he's not doing anything. Howard asked what happened with Kurt Busch this weekend in NASCAR. Ronnie let out a yelp again so Howard had Scott relax him again and had him close his eyes. Ronnie was all caught up in his wires and stuff.
Howard said everyone calm down. Scott put Ronnie back under and had him close his eyes. He put him back into his hypnotic state. He said his butt is feeling much better now. He said when he reaches the count of 3 he's going to be a smoking hot horny chick. He said Howard has him in the studio to evaluate the male employees there. He said he wants him to give his honest opinion of them. He brought him out.
Howard said hi to the hot girl that Ronnie was supposed to be. Ronnie was laughing. It wasn't working so Scott put him back under and tried to get him to become that girl. He put him deep under and brought him out as this girl. Scott told Ronnie what he was going to be when he came out and gave him detailed information.
When Ronnie came out of it this time Howard said she's very cute. Ronnie was calm and said thanks. She said her name was Angelina. Howard said she's one of the hottest women he's ever seen. She said she was 32 years old and she doesn't wear a bra because she likes her nipples to show through her shirt. Howard said she's so hot that he's thinking about leaving his wife. He asked if she wears underpants. Angelina said she wears thongs. She said they're black because they make your ass look better. Howard asked if she's shaved. Angelina said she has a little bit of a bush. She said she loves to have sex. Ronnie was laughing as he said that.
Howard asked how many guy's she's slept with in her life. Angelina said not many. She said she likes to have long term stuff. She said she loves bringing women into the bedroom though. She said she likes to eat their pussy and asshole. She said she does everything. Howard asked if she's always masturbating. She said she does and she's up for anything. Howard asked if he could ever get in her pants. Angelina said he has beautiful blue eyes. She said she's attracted to him. She laughed and said that he has no idea what she'd do to him. Angelina said she'd get all of her tools out for him. She said she would blindfold him and he wouldn't know what was going on. Howard asked if she'd put her tits in his mouth. She said that would be later on. Angelina said that she'd have Howard clear his calendar because they'd be at it so long. She kept saying ''Man'' like it was just Ronnie talking to Howard as a girl.
Howard asked who she looks like that's famous. Howard said he wants to know who people tell her she looks like. Angelina told Howard to tell her. Howard asked what she's wearing. Angelina said she has a blue sun dress on. Howard asked how tall she is. She said she's 5'8''. Howard asked if she squirts. She said she does with the right guy or girl. She said that girls know how to make girls squirt. Howard asked her to tell him. Angelina said that they know exactly what to do. Howard asked if she has ever made a sex tape with another girl. Angelina said no.
Howard asked if she'd blow him and swallow his load. Angelina said of course. Howard said she's so hot. He said she's into fucking and she's so good looking. Howard asked if she'd let him tittie fuck her. Angelina said that's all down the road. She said that's why he'd have to clear his calendar. Howard asked if he can stick his dick in her ass. She said he might get to do that.
Howard asked Angelina to tell him who she'd fuck the brains out of on the show. Angelina thought about it and said that Jon Hein is kind of a big boy. She said that he's like Gorilla man. She said she'd be afraid that he'd rip her apart. Howard asked why she doesn't shave her whole bush. She said she likes a little down there. She said she makes little designs down there like a heart shape.
Howard asked Angelina to describe the taste of a perfect load. She said not too salty but a little fruity tasting. Scott was laughing. Howard asked Angelina if she thinks that Jon Hein would stretch her out. Angelina said she's not sure how big his dick is. Howard asked how big a dick has she taken. Angelina said she doesn't measure but she's had some that don't fit all the way in. Howard asked if he thinks that Gary would be good at it. Angelina said that she thinks he would be. Howard asked if she prefers circumcised or not. She said she likes them circumcised.
Howard asked if Angelina wears a bikini. She said that she wears a thong right up the crack of her ass. Howard asked if Sal's dick grosses her out. She said a little bit yeah. She said it's like Gumby. She wondered who could fuck something like that.
Howard asked Angelina who on the staff she'd fuck. Angelina said that she has to think about that. Howard asked if Benjy is gross to her. Angelina said he's like a Teddy bear. She said he's not her type but maybe after a couple of cocktails. Howard asked what her type is. Angelina said that Benjy seems sweet and he might go the extra mile for her.
Howard asked what type of man she's into. Angelina said that she'd have to say rugged. She said her throat is very dry right now. She said she's into bad boys. She said she doesn't want to be smacked around at all. Howard asked who she really wants to fuck on the staff. She said that he's kind of behind the scenes and they may not know who it is. She said he's smoking hot. She said it's Mike Pearlman. Howard asked what she would do to Mike. Angelina said that he's rugged and he's a bad boy. Howard asked if she'd fuck his brains out. Angelina said he would be a weekend with her. Howard asked where the best place to cum on her is. She said on her boobs and nipples. Howard said she's his kind of gal. Howard asked what she thinks Mike's cock looks like. Angelina said it's probably pretty damn good.
Howard said it was good talking to her. Angelina said she would fuck Will too. She said she'd fuck him hard because he needs a good fucking. Howard said Will seems like a sad sack. Angelina said that he's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Will got on with the guys and Angelina came on to him. Will said she seems like enough woman for him. Angelina said that he needs someone like her with someone else so they can double team him. She was talking about sucking Will's balls. She said she has a friend in mind named Gina. She said they would suck his dick and balls and he'd never make it into their vaginas. Howard said Will needs his pipes cleaned. Howard asked if Scott can make this happen by hypnotizing Will.
Howard said he can get Mike Pearlman on now too. Howard asked if Angelina wants to see him. Angelina said Mike wouldn't be in the same room with them. She said that he'd only get her and Will would get Gina and her.
Howard got Mike Pearlman on and Angelina laughed and said here he is. Mike and Angelina talked a little bit about tanning and stuff. Angelina said she can tell that Mike is afraid of her. Howard had Mike show her his bullet scars. Mike did that. Howard said that's where Mike got shot. Howard asked what she'd do to that scar. She said she can't say. Howard asked why Gina can't go into the room with her. Angelina said that Mike is just for her.
Howard asked if Angelina would fuck Fred. Angelina said that Fred rides a motorcycle so he's cool. She said that he drives a cool car too. She said that she might have to experiment with both of them.
Howard said it sounds like she wants a relationship with mike. Angelina said no. She said that she doesn't need to get locked up. Howard said she might fall in love though. Angelina said she doesn't think so. She said she's 32 years old and no one locked her down yet. Howard said Mike has a dynamic personality. He said just look at the way he's talking to her.
Howard asked Angelina if she wants to have kids with Mike some day. Angelina said no to that too. Robin asked if anyone on the staff is marriage material. Angelina said she never thought about it. Howard said he doesn't think that she'd fuck JD. Angelina said JD is the type you get locked up with. She said you fuck him once and he won't let you out of the house. JD said that's really funny and told her to stop it.
Howard said JD is too clingy. Angelina said that JD just wants love. She said she can't give him what he wants. Howard asked JD to talk sexy to Angelina. Angelina said if she gave him her pussy he'd probably be on her doorstep every night waiting for more. Howard asked if she has an innie or outie pussy. Angelina said it's an innie. She said JD would be done with her in 2 pumps. JD said she might be right.
Howard asked JD to give Angelina some sex talk. JD started to talk and Angelina laughed at him. Howard asked if Angelina thinks that Chris Wilding has a big dick. She said she has heard stories. She said that she heard that Jason Kaplan has the biggest dick in the office. She said she's heard he has a cock like an elephant. Howard asked if she would fuck Jason for that big cock. Angelina said she would try it out. She said it would be like a one night stand and there would be a lot of liquor.
Howard asked Jason how big his dick is. Jason said he doesn't want to ruin the fantasy. Howard had Jason talk to Angelina. Jason said he is very girthy. He said he has to wear the bigger condoms because of that. Howard said Jason is beet red right now. Jason said no one has talked about his dick like this in a long time.
Howard had Jon Hein get on with Angelina. Jon asked why he scares her. Angelina said that he's just massive. She said he's wide and scary to her. Jon asked if she thinks he'd crush her in a way. Angelina said maybe if he just laid back and let her blow him it would be nice. Howard said his wife is tiny and she survives his mass. He said maybe if he comes in from behind. Angelina said that might work. She said she's into relaxing sex. She said she doesn't know how to explain it but he's massive. She said she can't wrap herself around it. Howard said Jon doesn't masturbate so when he fucks he fucks hard. He said he'd be going in for the kill. Howard said that Jon is a lot to handle. He said he's diabetic too. Angelina said that doesn't affect her. Jon and Angelina went back and forth talking about that mass thing. Angelina said that she's not sure how to explain it but it's scary to her. Howard said he would take that mass if he were a woman. Angelina laughed.
Howard said Benjy is very wide and she said she would do him. Angelina said Benjy is very gentle. She said that Jon is like... Howard said ''an animal.'' Angelina said that's it. She said she didn't want to say that. She said she just can't wrap herself around that. Howard said he gets it. Howard said don't take offense to that Jon. Angelina said she's not sure why Howard put Jon in this position.
Howard said he gets that she's saying that Jon is gross. Angelina said she never said that. Howard said she said he was like a gorilla. Angelina laughed. Jon said he gets it. Howard said he'd fuck Jon over Benjy any day.
Howard put Benjy on with Angelina because he said he wanted to kiss her. Benjy got on and said he just wants to kiss her so fucking badly. Angelina said he can tell by those puffy eyes how gentle he would be. Benjy said he wants to kiss her neck so bad right now. Angelina said that her pussy is dripping for him right now. Benjy said she's so fucking wet right now. Howard told Fred to call the cops. They were getting really deep into the sex talk. Benjy was whispering to Angelina telling her how good her ass tastes. Howard asked if Benjy is hypnotized too. He said he's going to throw up. He said they were hot together. Howard said Benjy knows how to talk to Angelina. Angelina said she told him before how sweet and kind and quiet he was. Howard told them to go get a room. Howard thanked Benjy for that. He said he beat out Jon Hein there.
Howard had Scott put Ronnie back under and asked him to get to some more things. He said number 6 is what he wants to do. Scott said he can do that. He put Angelina back under and had Ronnie come back as the new Rush Limbaugh. He has an audience of millions of people and he's going to share his political views.
Scott brought Ronnie out and Ronnie was the new Rush Limbaugh. Howard said they have the new Rush on the show today. Howard said his name is Rush Jr. Howard asked what his new show is about. Ronnie was acting like a talk show host and saying that anyone can call in with any topic. He said they don't discriminate against anyone. Howard asked how he feels about all of the big issues right now. Rush Jr. said that he's all over the map with his politics right now. He said he's lost. Howard laughed. He said he figured that would happen. He said he knew this was going to go this way. Robin asked what he feels about the stimulus package. Rush Jr. said that he makes too much money so he doesn't get any of that.
Howard asked Rush Jr. about COVID and if it's real or not. Rush Jr. said it's real. He said that people should get the vaccine. He said that he's been vaccinated. Howard asked about the trans kids and if they should be able to play sports. Rush Jr. said they should be able to do whatever they want. He said they can join the military or anything they want.
Robin asked if he knows about Meghan and Prince Harry. Rush Jr. said who gives a shit about that. He said no one gave a shit about that interview.
Howard said he has to try one more thing. He asked Scott to put Ronnie back under and do number 5. Scott did his thing and put Ronnie under and Ronnie let out a ''I see pussy'' as he was doing that. Ronnie said he's recalling things he saw before. Howard said who gives a shit about that.
Howard asked Scott put him under so he can be turned on by King of All Blacks. He said he's so turned on that he wants to urinate on King. He asked if he'll be a man or a woman. Scott said it can be either. Howard said maybe as a woman then. Howard had him do his thing. Scott put Ronnie under and told him when he comes out he'll be a woman who is attracted to King of All Blacks and just hearing his voice turns him on. He said she'll want to piss on him just hearing his voice. He said she'll be so hot for him that she'll want to piss on him to fulfill his fantasies.
Howard talked to the new woman that Scott had turned Ronnie into. Ronnie said her name is Kathy. She said she's wearing skin tight yoga pants and a tank top with no bra. Howard said that's gorgeous. Howard asked what color that is. Kathy asked if he can see her nipples poking through. Howard said he can. He said he can see her vaginal lips too. Kathy said of course. Howard asked if she does that on purpose to tease the men. Kathy said for sure. Howard said he sees vagina. Kathy said it's there. Howard said there's no trace of a bush down there. Kathy said she's as clean as a whistle.
Howard asked how old Kathy is. She said she's a little older. She said she's 42. Howard said she means 32. She said no, 42. She said maybe Howard should get someone else on. Howard said he was just kidding around.
Howard got King of All Blacks on the phone and he said this is rough. Howard asked Kathy what she thinks about King of All Blacks. Kathy said that she doesn't know him very well. She said she only knows his voice. Howard said King likes to be peed on. King said yeah, some nice, warm piss. Kathy said he's such a turn on. King asked what she drank this morning. She said she drank her banana protein drink. King said he likes that. He asked what she's doing tonight. She said she didn't now. King said she should be saying ''nothing.'' King told Kathy that she should start peeing on him from the bottom and then the crescendo is on his face. Howard said he thinks he's had enough.
Howard tanked Kathy for coming on the show. Kathy said that she was offended by that. Howard said this is unbelievable. He asked Kathy more questions and threw out a NASCAR which made Ronnie jump. Howard said Scott is remarkable. He said he was able to hypnotize people over Zoom. He said he's very good at this.
Howard asked if he can return Ronnie back to normal. Scott said he can and he will take that NASCAR out of his mind. Howard threw out another NASCAR comment and Ronnie let out a grunt.
Howard said Scott can hypnotize himself by listening to his own voice. Scott said he can. He said that people are struggling right now and he works with people all day long that have horrible issues. He said he has to keep himself centered and focused so he does that. Howard said he's terrific. Robin said she wishes he could hypnotize half the country. Scott said she might mean ''unhypnotize'' them.
Howard asked if Ronnie is the easiest to hypnotize. Scott said everyone is hypnotizable but he's very highly suggestible. He said that highly suggestible people will do whatever you ask them to do. Howard said he's not sure how he does it but he's very good at it. Howard asked if Ronnie is sleeping right now. Scott said he was doing very good earlier before the show. He said he was remembering some good times from Miami.
Howard thanked Scott for doing this and gave him a plug for his web site UltimateVisionaryMind.com. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and sang along with ''Wild Thing'' a little bit. He said this a great version of this song. He let that play for a bit.
Howard wondered what would have happened if he had lived. Robin said it could have been bad. Howard said he doesn't think so. Howard asked if Robin thinks he'd be doing Cameo now. Robin said she would hope so but sometimes the drug thing goes very badly. Howard did his impression of Jimi doing a Cameo birthday message and then appearing on The Masked Singer.
Howard said it would be like charity gigs that he'd be doing with people like Elton John. He said it could be really sad and he'd be the new host of Jeopardy.
Howard said the song Wild Thing was written by... Robin said The Hollies. Howard said it was the Wild Ones. He said it was written in 1965.
Howard said Robin thinks that things could have been bad if Jimi had lived. Robin said it could have been really bad. Howard did a bit where they were evaluating Jimi on Dancing with the Stars. He said it could have been so bad that he could have been a judge on American Idol. Robin said he could have ended up as a contestant on American Idol. Howard said The Trogs made Wild Thing a hit. He said shame on Robin.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's a Yoga teacher so he asked her how that's working out. She said she's doing work outs in her back yard now. She said she had to get creative when it came to that. Howard said he has to figure out how to do the Yoga stuff by looking at the screen. He said he should just watch a video once and then figure it out. He said he can't watch and do it at the same time. He said he has been told by Yoga instructors that he's the worst. Robin said she has seen people who can't even lift their legs. Howard said this guy told him he was the worst. Robin said they shouldn't tell you that. She said it's about getting into the pose. Howard said this guy pulled him aside and told him how bad he was. He said he swears to her that he did that.
Howard thanked the Yoga teacher for the call. She said she'd like him to come to one of her Zoom classes. Howard let her go. He said that he and his wife went to a spa once and he wanted to try this Yoga thing out. He said he went and the guy spent like a half hour or hour with him and it was a horrible experience.
Howard said he had a bad attitude too. He said he was told to be aware of his body but he can't stand being aware of his body.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they need a reality show with Bengelina. Howard said that was something with Benjy and Angelina. Howard said he was blown away with that whole thing when Ronnie said ''I see pussy.'' He said this guy is 71 years old and that's all that's on his mind. He said he wasn't told to see pussy. He said he just blurted it out. He said it's like The Sixth Sense. He said Ronnie sees pussy instead of dead people. He said it's remarkable how much Ronnie loves pussy. He said he's consumed with it.
Howard said this guy closes his eyes and he sees pussy. He said it wasn't anything but pussy. He said just think about that. He said the guy is 71. Robin said just imagine being inside that head. Howard said poor Jon Hein took a shot to the chin in that one.
Howard took a call from Pocket who asked if Ronnie wasn't into Pegging before they started fucking with him. Howard said you have to see this stuff on the App. He said he hasn't mentioned the app lately. He said watching Ronnie with this NASCAR pegging thing is something to see. He said you have to see it. He said Ronnie was jumping up when he'd say NASCAR. Robin said he really felt it.
Howard said it's always a home run when they have a sexual scenario. Howard said he knew that the Rush Limbaugh thing would go poorly. He said he told the guys that it wouldn't work. He said he knew it wasn't going to work and he was right.
Howard said Benjy and Ronnie are the power couple. Robin said he was also talking about bringing in another girl for Will. Howard said Will does seem very stressed out. Pocket asked what the process is with all of that. Howard said someone came up with the pegging idea. He said that worked out. He said that he imagines that sound coming out when someone gets something in the ass.
Howard said he felt like Angelina wanted Mike Pearlman all to herself but Will needed two pussies. He said he was like a doctor telling him to take two pussies and call her in the morning.
Howard said you'll be amazed when you see this on the app. Robin said Ronnie's voice changed more than Caitlyn Jenner's voice after the transition. Howard did his impression of Ronnie's voice changing. Howard let Pocket go after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that people have been trying the edibles thing and her daughter told her to try it. She said she tried a tiny brownie and she fell asleep and then got up to go pee and she's old. She said she had bubbles in her head and she went to the bathroom and she took weeks to get there. She said then she started choking her dog but she fell back asleep thankfully. She said it was horrible. Howard said he has friends who can eat that stuff like TicTacs. He said he never has fun on that stuff. He said he wishes he could but he can't do it. The caller said they tell you that you'll be relaxed but not her.
Howard asked how old this caller, Sabrina, is. She said 57. Howard said she sounds 90. He said she sounds much older. He said it's a weird thing. Howard said he has Modina on the phone who said that she ate edibles too. He took a call from Chris Wilding who was doing the voice for Modina. She said she shit her pants when she took edibles. He was doing the old person voice and doing a bit of an impression of Sabrina.
Howard said it seems like people are having fun doing that stuff but he can't have fun. He said he's with Sabrina. He asked why she has a vibrating bed. He said she mentioned that. Sabrina said it helps with her anxiety. She said it doesn't affect her nether regions at all. She said her husband died a few years ago so she needs that. Howard thanked her for sharing that all with them.
Robin said she once took valium to help her out and at the very moment she had that for the first time nothing could have bothered her at the time. She said she was like ''Wow!''
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he wanted Scott Schmaren to admit that you have to be kind of dopey to fall for this. He said to feel something in your ass you have to be. Howard said maybe he should take a shot at it. Ralph said it would never work on him. Howard said you don't know that. Ralph said it's not going to happen. He said Ronnie would fall for anything.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked if any of the guys feel lie they're being left out when Ronnie picks the guys. Howard said that's a good question.
Howard played the clip where Alex was talking about the puppet show that Howard Stern did on his show ended up being quoted in this article. Alex said he's not the one doing the puppet voice. He said to take the words of a puppet and say it's him then it's disinformation.
Howard said the thing is that they quoted the real Alex Jones talking about how the vaccine has HIV in it. He said Alex was denying that he ever said that. He played a clip from his show where he said that and then the puppet repeating that on their show.
Howard said this is why it's puppet gate. He read the quote from DailyMail where they quoted the puppet and said it was Alex saying it. Howard said that was the puppet's interpretation of what Alex said. Howard said they have quoted Alex a lot on the show with that puppet. He had a compilation of them quoting him with the puppet. Howard said he thought Nowicki was just a genius but it turns out he's just quoting the real Alex Jones.
Howard got fake Alex Jones on to talk about all of this. Fake Alex was talking about all of that stuff and then had Dr. Fauci on the show like he was satan. Howard said he loved that Fauci puppet he had. Alex took a call from King of All Reptilians who had a shitty phone connection like King of All Blacks. They had King playing the part too.
Howard said he has the same problems he has on his show. He said his show is plagued just like his is with the bad phone connections. Alex said he changed the world or radio with his show and this is the kind of stuff you have to deal with. He said 5G is ruining the shows. He said 5G is so dangerous. Fake Alex was going on and on with the conspiracy theories about that and more.
Howard asked Alex more questions and he was telling stories like Howard has told on his show for years and making them about him instead.
Howard asked if he has a message for his audience. Alex went right into a live commercial read for his products. Howard thanked him for calling in. He said he's sorry that he was quoted in the DailyMail like that. He said he thinks that they've cleared all of that up today. Alex gave a plug for his Wrap Up Show and went right into it like it was Howard's Wrap Up Show.
Howard said that was very good and he liked that. Robin said their puppet is better than a Popsicle stick.
Howard said just imagine that he turned down The Terminator and how upset he must have been about that. Howard said the real OJ is now following JD on Twitter. He asked JD when that happened. JD said he and his wife were out and driving home and the video went out about an hour before that. He said that he saw that he was following him back after that. He said ''Oh no'' out loud and told his wife that it had just happened. Howard said he thinks that JD loves that. He said OJ only follows 34 people and JD is one of them. JD said that doesn't help. Howard did his OJ voice and talked about following him. He said this could turn out real bad. JD said he's not happy about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they had better send Ronnie over to JD's to watch over him with that whole OJ thing going on. Howard said he'd like to see Ronnie fight OJ.
Howard read some feedback about the prank call they made to Tan Mom with Ham Hands Bill. He said the call was hilarious and the audience agreed. He read through some of the feedback they got about that call. Someone pointed out that even after all these years Tam Mom still calls Memet by ''Lemet.'' Howard replayed the call where Ham Hands played the part of Antonio Banderas calling Tan Mom.
Howard said the details of Ronnie's sex life continue to fascinate the audience. He said they talked about them last week. He read some feedback about those discussions. People were commenting on his pre-cum stories and things like that.
Howard said they should have hypnotized Ronnie Puppet today. He said he just got a note saying that he's still hypnotized. Howard went to the Ronnie Puppet and he was hypnotized to think he was a girl. Fred did the voice and talked real quiet and creepy. Howard said NASCAR to him and the puppet reacted like Ronnie did. Angelina Puppet was talking about how she has half a shaved pussy and half like ZZ Top. She also told them that she wears a thong to the beach. She said it's made out of licorice so if anyone wants to eat her ass they can eat both at the same time.
Howard said NASCAR to Angelina Puppet a few more times and then got out of the bit. He read more feedback about Ronnie.
Howard said this guy should not be texting his wife. He said he has friends who text both of them so it doesn't look like they're hitting on her. He said he has people who have hit on her right in front of him though. He said that's such an insult.
Howard said if the wife wants to be with the friend then let him take it on. He said if she wants to leave you then you're better off. Robin said it's not good that the wife didn't tell the guy. Howard asked what the guy is saying to his wife. Tony said that he was saying they should do lunch if there's no one else around. He said he also said that he knows how she looks at him and it escalated from there. He said that's where he lost his mind.
Howard asked if he has asked the wife about it. Tony said he did. He said she said she didn't think much of it. He said she was also concerned that he was going to get angry and get physical. Howard said he believes her. He asked what's with this dude. He said you can't beat him up. He said if your wife isn't into you then you can't help that. He said he wouldn't be friends with that guy though. He said he'd love to try to get the guy on the phone and he'll confront him. Tony said he probably would get on the air. He said the guy has an open relationship with his wife. He said that he may not care about what he does. He said he'd love to get him on the air.
Howard said he'll get him on the air and he'll tell the guy up front what they want to talk about. He said he'll say to him that they know what he's up to. Robin said it would be great to get her phone and text the guy. Tony said he's not sure that would be good. Howard said maybe he should get the wife on. Tony said she's on a conference call right now. He said they can't get her on but she might come on at another time. Howard said this is like a soap opera.
Howard asked Tony if he wants them to try to track this guy down. Tony was up for it so Howard put him on hold and had Gary take care of that. Howard said just be done with this guy. Tony agreed.
Howard said he's not sure if this guy will come on the air or not. He asked Gary what he's going to say. Gary told Howard he'll tell him about what Tony said and he'll ask him if he's okay coming on the air. Howard said he sees that Tony hung up. He said this is very hard to coordinate. He said this stuff is interesting.
Robin said she knows of a couple that had a best friend couple and one of the guys had a relationship with the other wife and then they broke up the marriages. She said the other two started comforting each other and now they're married. Howard said this is a soap opera.
Howard said he has had guys hit on his wife in front of him. He said they'll say that they don't get it. He said there was another time that Beth got up and this guy ran in after her and started tickling her in the elevator. He said it's crazy.
Robin said they must think less of her than they do of Howard. Howard said guys are horrible.
Howard asked Gary what's going on. Gary said Tony is back on and he doesn't have the other number now but he can get it later. Howard got Tony back on and said forget it. Tony said he took him out of his contacts when he got pissed. Howard said don't go beat the guy up. He said just tell him to go fuck himself and leave it at that. Tony said okay. Howard said he should just tell his wife not to keep secrets from him either. Tony said he appreciates that. He said Howard tells it straight and he's a happy man thanks to this and the Metamucil advice he gave. Howard said don't get uptight if the wife leaves you either. He said he'll help hook him up if he has to. He said keep calm. He said all guys are scumbags. Howard let him go after that.
Robin said it happens too many times when people go run off with other people. Howard said that's just dudes.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that her husband thinks it's hot when she gets hit on. She said they don't have an open relationship but they go to the strip clubs and she lets him play. She said that he knows she's not going anywhere. Howard asked who she looks like. She said she's like 5'2'' and 110 pounds but she's not sure who she looks like. Howard said maybe a young Paula Abdul. The caller, Casey, said she doesn't have that Hispanic look. Howard said how about a young Angelina Jolie. Casey said she was told she looks like Felicity. Howard said that's a good look. He said he used to watch that show.
Howard said he has to get out of there. He said he'd done enough show. Robin said she's not sure who has a relationship like that where they can entertain texts from another couple. Howard said sometimes you're so in love with a person you don't want to let go. He said it's complicated.
Howard went into his impression of his parents and had them reacting to him moving home after separating from his wife.
Howard said today's show was filled with a lot of stuff. Robin said that Ronnie was amazing. Howard said if Facebook is listening he is Howard Stern. He said he's not sending them his birth certificate. He said that's ridiculous.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she just wanted to say that today was a little rough and she wanted to thank them for the Ronnie thing this morning. Howard said he loves that stuff. He said he learned a lot about women thanks to Ronnie. He said he thinks that Scott could hypnotize him every day and that's what they could do with him.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:45am.
Howard said he was fine with it because John will be a day older and just a little bit less good looking. He said that he can wait 2 weeks if he wants to. He said he told his wife about it and started laughing. He said she was wondering what he could be up to as well. He said maybe he got neurotic about the TV show and had to change something up. He said maybe he sees other shows as more important.
Howard said maybe Stamos had the same thing happen and he's exhausted from trying to fill it. He said all of these fountain pen nuts love this pen. Robin said she went on YouTube and watched some of this pen stuff Howard is watching. She said she lasted maybe a minute with Adventure Denali. She said she was showing her pets and bouncing back and forth between these things. She said she wondered why she would bother with all of this. She said she wasn't learning anything. Howard said she's wrong. She said if you're into journals and pens she's an authority. Howard said she's not a processional though. Robin said she has to get to the point. Howard said you can fast forward through all of that. Robin said she wanted to know what she was all about and it's all just B.S.
Howard said don't ruin this for him. He said it's joyous for him and she's trying to ruin it for him. He said it's Robin and Ralph.
Howard said he went on the Brian Goulet web site and they say that this Pilot pen filling is effortless. He said he needs a co-pilot. He said he needs a co-Pilot pen. Robin said he should just have someone fill it for him. Howard said he was thinking about it.
Howard said he likes to watch American Idol on Monday nights. He said Beth wasn't into it but now she is. He said she asked him to wait for her to watch it. He said now he has to wait for her. He said he tries to find shows she doesn't like so he can watch on his own. He said she takes a while to get into bed. He said by the time she gets into bed it's too late to watch it. He said he's so fucked up that everything bothers him. He said he's so irritable. He said that's the only way to describe him. He said he feels like he's running out of time. He said he just wants to watch American Idol. He said he spent an hour of his life trying to fill a pen. He said he just wanted to try this pen. He said if you want to fill it all the way you have to figure out a way to recycle the ink. He said there are surgeons that have less complicated lives than his.
Robin said if you're buying a fountain pen you have nothing to do. Howard said the ink he had was red. He said it was Noodler's ink. He said the ink was all over the place and it was too full. He said he had no ink in the thing and it was all over him and all over everything. He said he wanted to take it all and throw it out the fucking window. He said he should have a staff to fill his pens for him. He said he wants to do things on his own though. Robin said he starts by trying to fill a fountain pen.
Howard said Paula Abdul was a judge on American Idol last night because Luke Bryan tested positive for COVID-19. He said of course he did. He said people are running around like nothing is wrong. He said he read an article about how people don't want to take the vaccine and 40 percent of the military doesn't want to take it. He said a doctor he knows was telling him that Pfizer isn't good for one of the variants. Howard said we're all doomed. Robin said we're all going to die of COVID because we'll destroy the efficacy of the vaccine because we won't take it.
Howard said it was the 20th anniversary of Joey Ramone's death and he was thinking about him. He said Joey was just 49 when he died. He said he was thinking about how good he was on the show. He said he always thought that Joey was a great singer. He said he just got sad thinking about Joey. He said he wanted to start the show talking about Joey.
Howard said they had Dee Dee Ramone, Johnny Ramone and others. He said that they had them on the show and they'd come on and talk politics. He said Joey was liberal and Johnny was conservative. He said they had Tommy Ramone too. He said Joey was Jeffrey Hymen. He said they were all friends and the liked the name Ramone so they adopted that name based on Paul McCartney using that as a pseudonym.
Howard said Joey was born with a rare tumor on his back. He said when he was a baby they removed that tumor and later on he had OCD and schizophrenia. He said that he had a bunch of demons. He said he drank and did drugs a lot. He said he thinks that may be what made him die young. He said he looks for a reason for dying young.
Howard said Joey was also the original drummer in the band. He said that their big song was Blitzkrieg Bop. He played some of that. Howard said they played this song in every live show they did. He said he thinks their songs have become more popular as time has gone by. Howard played some ''I Wanna Be Sedated.'' He said that Joey used to use steam for his voice and one night he was in Jersey and steaming his throat and the boiling water exploded and scalded him. He said he went on and did the show and spent a week in the hospital after the show. Robin said that's amazing. Howard said he was a trooper. He had second and third degree burns on his face and body.
Howard said there's the song ''Pinhead'' and that was in the famous movie ''Private Parts.'' He said that's the scene where he's doing a dance to it and the General Manager is staring at him. Howard said they wrote the song after seeing the movie ''Freaks'' where they had a pinhead. He said that was an old fashioned name for people who had Microcephaly. He said that's what Beetlejuice has. He said that he saw that movie when he was growing up and he never thought to write about that.
Howard said in the movie Freaks whenever the freaks welcomed in an new member the said ''Gooble Gobble we accept her.'' He said Joey took that and wrote ''Gabba Gabba hey.'' Robin said that's amazing. Howard said they should do that when they take calls. He said they can say ''Gooble Gobble we accept you.'' He said they can do that when they get a new Wack Packer. He said the last one they inducted was Marfan Mike. He said they didn't say that for him though.
Howard said Joey really was a genius. He said they never got into a conversation with them. He said he has a clip from 1985 when Joey was on the show for the first time. Howard played the clip and Joey was talking about how nervous he was. Howard got a sweatshirt from him. Joey had his tour manager with him too. He talked about how he knew Howard was a sick guy when he saw him on Letterman.
Howard said he sounded a little bit like Rodney Dangerfield. Robin said a little bit.
Howard said Joey once left a message for Gary on his answering machine. He said Gary almost deleted it because he didn't know the voice. He said Gary claims that he and Joey dated the same woman. He said he asked Gary who that was and Gary said she was really cute but he wouldn't know her. He said he kept saying how cute she was. Gary said he said she was hot not cute. Howard did his impression of Gary as he talked about that.
Gary said he doesn't think they were dating at the same time. He said he went first an then she dated Joey. Howard said he doesn't think he'd want to follow Joey. He said no offense to Joey. He said he's not sure what to think about that. He said that woman must have had really unique taste. Gary said he was listening to that message Joey left and he was about to delete it and his roommate said that might be Joey Ramone. He said he was the one who made him save that. Howard played that message that Joey left where he was mumbling and said ''Welcome to my nightmare...''
Robin said she could hear Howard clearing his throat during that clip. Howard said he turned off his microphone. He said he had no idea that it was coming through. He said he didn't know he was still on the air. Gary said he thought it was Fred goofing on him. Howard said he had no idea.
Robin said she thought she heard it yesterday too. Howard said he can clean that up in post but he'll play it again. He played the clip of Joey on the show for the first time. Howard said he's really pissed right now. He said he's about to blow up. He said he has to calm down.
Howard played the answering machine message again where Joey mumbled out his message that didn't make much sense. Howard said he's sorry that he was in the middle of that and hacking up phlegm on microphone. He said you guys weren't supposed to hear that. He said you should think he's invincible and never has phlegm. Robin said lots of people didn't hear that part so he's still invincible to them. Howard said this is all John Stamos' fault because he had to reschedule.
Howard said this is a fight that Joey and Marky Ramone had on the show. He said that things got really ugly. They were calling each other drunks and saying they wear wigs and stuff like that. Howard played a clip of the two of them arguing over the phone and saying that they're drunks and wear wigs and all of that.
Howard said that was so great. He said they really went at it. Robin said they tried to end the feud but it always turned into a fight. Howard said this is what happens in rock bands. He said before they hung up they got them to apologize to each other but it was tough. Howard played a clip where they were going to apologize but then they didn't do it. They counted down and then said nothing but tried again and said they were sorry.
Howard said what a great moment. He said he had a production company for a while and he got sick of it and bailed on everything. He said he optioned on Rock and Roll High School. He said that was a musical comedy featuring the Ramones. He said he was going to do a remake. He said they had a song for the show. He said that he was going to remake that and he got sick of the whole production company thing so he bailed. He said that every minute he was sitting at home getting calls about all of this stuff. He said his head was spinning from doing the radio show and it was just too much for him. He said he was like a mogul sitting there and he had to take meetings. He said he was like ''fuck you'' and said this was a disaster. He said he had no idea what it was going to be like. He said he though he just had to put his name on things and get money. He said you actually have to work.
Howard said he thought he was going to be like Dick Clark but Dick didn't have the FCC on his ass and things like that. He said it turns out that even if all of the stuff was a big hit you never get paid. He said you never see jack shit. He said he wondered what he was doing. He said they had 3 seasons of ''Son of the Beach'' and they told him he'd make money after doing more shows and not off of that one. He said he had young kids and he was on the phone and writing. He said you have to be single to have a career like that. He said it was a lot of work. He said you don't have a free minute when you have a job like that. He said he was getting up at 3 or 4 in the morning and commuting into the city. He said that's why he was jealous of Oprah. He said she got people to write her magazine. He said she didn't have to do work on that. He said that magazine is gone now. Robin asked if it's really gone. Howard said he never sees it. Robin said she has but not lately.
Howard said Oprah had a job there at Sirius and she never showed up there. He said she had her friends doing stuff on the show. He said then she gets into Weight Watchers and she doesn't even lose weight. He said that's why he's jealous of her.
Howard said he had two cartoons in production. He said he sold it all. He said he was good at selling. He said that he walked into a meeting once and made something up and the guy bought it. He said he told his agent he had to get out because he couldn't handle it. He said he was going to kill himself. He said Oprah does it right. He said she has a TV network and never shows up. He said she sits in her house. Howard said he had to get rid of the Howard Stern Production Company. He said he could have hired executives to run it. He said he wondered who that would be and what they'd do with his stuff. He said he's too much of a control freak to have a production company. He said he had to get out of it.
Howard said Oprah must have found the right person. He said she doesn't seem to give a shit. He said you pay her to put her name on stuff. He said he finds it amazing that Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have deals in Hollywood now. He said Harry doesn't have any experience in that. He said this Meghan found the princes thing to be boring and now they're getting production deals. He said Harry is ''Chief Impact officer'' now. He said he wants that title.
Howard said The Ramones had a lot of hit songs. He said they had ''Rockaway Beach'' and played some of that. Howard played some of ''The KKK Took My Baby Away'' too. He said that Joey always wrote great songs. He said this was about Joey having a girlfriend stolen from him by Johnny who was a conservative. Howard said Johnny went on to marry that girl. He said Joey was in love with this girl and Johnny steals her and Joey writes a song about how the KKK took her away from him. He said Joey's brother has said that it's not about that. He said he claims that Joey dated a black woman had the parents were dead set against it so he was calling his parents the KKK. He said the story is great either way.
Howard said he loved that they covered the Spider-Man theme song. He played some of that. Howard said he liked this cover of ''Time Has Come Today'' too. He played some of that.
Howard said he was thinking about Joey and Beth walked into his office. He said he was thinking about all of this and he told Beth this story. He said she got goose bumps. He said that this is a heart breaking story. He said that Joey had cancer at the end and the story is that he died while listening to the U2 song ''In a Little While.'' He said Joey is close to the end and laying in his bed and asked to hear that song. He said as the song ended Joey passed away. Howard played some of the U2 song. Howard said it's sad to hear that. He said Joey wanted to hear a song as his final thing. He said that's an amazing but sad story. Robin said it's a great ending to a movie. Howard said he read somewhere that they are making a movie about Joey. He said that would be a great ending.
Howard said a great ending would be Joey wanting to hear his show one last time.
Howard thanked Joey for the great radio he did with them. He said it's been 20 years since he passed. Robin said he was a great guest. Howard said when they do induct another Wack Packer they will say ''Gooble Gobble we accept you.'' He played a clip from the movie ''Freaks.'' Howard said he bets Meg Griffin didn't even know the story about where that Gabba Gabba thing came from in the song.
Howard said that Green Day was known as Sweet Children when they started out. Robin said she had no idea. Howard said she'll do very well at this game then. Howard asked if she knows what Maroon 5 was known as. He just said it was Cara's Flowers.
Howard said Robin has to guess the real name now. He said that he'll give her multiple choice. He asked which band was named Polka Talc Blues Band. He gave her a few choices and Robin said it might be Blues Traveler. Howard said it was actually Black Sabbath. He said the name came from Talcum Powder that Ozzy's mother used.
Howard asked what went by Tony Flow and the Magically Majestic Masters of Mahem. Robin said she'll say it's the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Howard said she's right.
Howard asked what band was known as Atomic Mass. Howard gave Robin a few choices. Robin said it was AC/DC but it was Def Leppard. Howard said Robin has to take an article of clothing off now. Robin said she wasn't aware that was the rule. Howard gave Robin some history on the band name change.
Howard asked Robin if she wants to play anymore. Robin said she'll never be right. Howard said The Bee Gees were known as Rattlesnake. He gave some history on that name too.
Howard said Pink Floyd was known as The Tea Set. He played some of their music and gave Robin the history of that name. He said what a horrible name that was. He said that the Pink Floyd name came from some old blues singers that the guys listened to. He played some Pink Anderson and Floyd Castle. Howard said that's how they became Pink Floyd.
Howard said the band Mookie Blalock became Pearl Jam. Robin had guessed that one correctly. Howard said he thinks they talked to Eddie Vedder about that. Robin said she's not sure. He said they wanted to be known as Pearl but they added the Jam later.
Howard said that the band Rat Salad became what. He gave Robin a few choices and she guessed it was Nirvana. Howard said it was actually Van Halen. He said that she has to get nude now. He said Eddie was a huge fan of the Black Sabbath song ''Rat Salad'' so they wanted to name the band after that. Howard said then they became Van Halen and the rest is history. He played some of their song ''Panama'' and talked about David Lee Roth and the outfits he used to wear. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that he got the shittiest Thermos. He said that he might be doing it wrong. He said he has boiling water in there and now it's ice cold. He said you have to press down on the top to close it. He said it's harder than loading a fountain pen. He said he needs people. He said he managed to boil water this morning but now it's cold. Howard said he doesn't know what happened to America.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said he hasn't called Bubba much lately. He said he's a Howard Stern Fan more than anything. He said that Bubba posted something about how they all have COVID but they're going to do a show today. He said he didn't hear the show but they did post something about that so he was wondering if he has it or is he getting people to tune in. Howard said they email each other once in a blue moon just to say hi. He said that Bubba loves radio stunts so his theory is that he's either bull shitting or he has it. He said you know that Bubba isn't paying attention to the rules. Robin said absolutely not.
Howard said Bubba is a chunky guy. Robin said he has a pre-existing condition. Howard said he used to weigh like 400 pounds and had his wife wipe his ass with a towel. He said Bubba should have had the vaccine. He said if you're overweight you should have gotten it.
JD said he has a bit of an update on this. He said that Bubba does his show on Twitch and for the past few minutes he was talking about how he wanted to go home because he wasn't feeling well. He said he had a nebulizer in his mouth and now the show has gone off the air so he may have gone home. Howard said he hopes he'll be alright. He said he may have it. He said when you're heavy set it can do you in.
Howard said that the whole show has COVID from what he's reading. He said Bubba loves being on the air. He said they all have it so they can't give it to each other. Robin said now it doesn't matter. Howard said he's going to do what he does. He said he hopes he'll be alright. Robin said it's nothing to play with and she hopes he takes it seriously. Howard laughed. Robin said COVID will make you take it seriously because pretty soon he won't be able to breathe.
Howard said if he got COVID you wouldn't see him for the whole year of 2021. He said he goes for walks and things like that but people there don't wear masks. He said these people go out running and they run right on top of you. He said they breathe on you. Robin said they're spewing droplets. Howard said they say if you're vaccinated you won't get it but you can get the variant. Robin said you can still get COVID because the vaccines aren't 100 percent effective.
Mike said that he knows a guy whose wife got it but he never did. He said that not everyone gets it. Robin said you don't know if you're one who wont' get it. Howard said we're all going to get it and die. Robin said she'll be there all by herself. Mike said there's a college up there that's fining people for not wearing masks. Howard said he doesn't know what to say about all of that. He said he's protecting other people when he wears a mask. He said he's not sure if he's protecting himself. Robin said you are. Howard asked if they have figured out if you can get it from touching things. Robin said they say you don't have to disinfect your house the way we were. She said that's unless someone sick has been in the area.
Howard said he's not sure what to do. He said he really doesn't want to talk about this. He said it's impossible out there because people don't give a shit. Robin said Dr. Fauci said don't take off your masks. Howard said that he was out somewhere and this guy said he wasn't wearing a mask because he had COVID. Robin said you can still get it even if you've had it. Mike said he'd wear a mask no matter what. Robin said this new variant is out there and young people are more susceptible to it. Howard said Beth has rules about who she's going to hang out with. He said he's throwing in the towel because if she gets sick he's going to get sick. Howard said she's hanging out with people who have gotten the vaccine. Robin said they say it's okay to hang out with people who have the vaccine and be maskless. Howard said he's following the rules and Beth is the problem. Robin said if she's only seeing people who are vaccinated then it's okay.
Howard said he thinks he has it now that Bubba has it. Mike said that Bubba is like a bull. He said when he gets knocked on his ass he really gets knocked on his ass. He said that he has done shows in the past when he's sick. Howard said if anyone can beat COVID it's Bubba.
Mike said he's hosting a comedy show next week and he's not sure if he should wear a mask or not. Robin asked how close the audience is. Mike said he'll be around people for a couple of hours. Howard asked who is so desperate for comedy that they have to see Mike from Maine. He said imagine you get COVID going to a Mike from Maine show. He asked how embarrassing that would be.
Howard said he didn't even know Mike was a comedian. He asked him to tell him a joke. Mike went into one of his bits and Howard said that's pretty funny so maybe he'll go to his show and die for it.
Howard read some stats about how many people got COVID and died from it yesterday. He said he just has to go see Mike from Maine doing a comedy show though. Robin said just wear your mask.
Howard said he went to see the comedy show and now he's in the hospital listening to a U2 song.
Howard said Beth's friend is on the phone. He took the call from the friend who was coughing and talking about what they're doing together. She said she has a little fever and she needs some Tylenol. They were eating Lucky Charms together. Howard hung up on her and said he's already paranoid enough.
Robin said they keep saying it'll just be a little while longer. Howard said he is and he feels like he's losing the battle. He said he will talk to her off the air about it. He said they don't have to get into it now.
Howard said there's another time when Fred yelled at Ethel about spraying feces everywhere after a religious show prayed for Ethel's constipation to go away.
Howard said in this new one Fred and Ethel (Sal and Richard) called a show to talk about getting vaccinated live on the air. He played the call where they called in and Ethel gave Fred the vaccine but it turned out to be a dog's hookworm medicine. Howard said Fred got weird side effects and the host tried helping them out. Howard played more of the call where Fred said he was getting really itchy. The host told him how to take an oatmeal bath to get rid of that. Fred was drinking out of the toilet like a dog. The host told him to keep hydrated. Fred licked the toilet water and Ethel said she has colitis so that was shit. Then Fred was licking his own balls and sniffing Ethel's ass. The host told them not to come on and waste her time like that.
Howard said then they called back and Fred was now transformed into a rabid dog after taking the hookworm medication. Howard played the call and they had the dog barking clips playing and the host told them it was their own god damn fault. The host got pissed and said that was the weirdest fucking call she's ever taken.
Howard said when he's around those guys he has to take a break too. He said it's exhausting. Robin said it was very entertaining. Howard said he just got a call from Paramount pictures and they want to turn that into a movie.
Howard said he has to say that you should not inject hookworm medication into yourself and turn yourself into a dog.
Howard took a call from Apples who said he loved Ronnie's bit yesterday. Fred kept playing the ''Hey now!'' clip and Apples kept responding to it. Howard said come on Apples. He said stop it. Apples said that he loved the bit yesterday and he wished that they could have taught him to forgive him. Howard said he's tired of him and Ronnie fighting. He said it's enough of that.
Apples said that Ronnie drove a 1000 horsepower Mercedes over the weekend and he wanted to know more about it. Howard said this drive Ronnie nuts that he sees this stuff. He said he's not sure if he should explain it to Ronnie that if you put something out there you're putting it out for everyone to see. He said maybe stop doing it if Stephanie is the one doing it.
Howard said he saw an article about Khloe Kardashian putting a picture out and she got upset that her assistant did this because she wasn't photoshopped. He said she was yelling and screaming at the assistant. He said you put this stuff out there and you can't have it both ways. She said if you don't like the comments you can't complain about it.
Howard got Ronnie on and asked about the Mercedes. Ronnie said he's not sure how this guy is seeing stuff if he's blocked from seeing it. Apples chuckled. Ronnie said he doesn't care if he loves him or not. He asked how he sees it if he's blocked. Apples said there's a lot of ways to see it.
Ronnie said he did drive a Mercedes and he did put it up there himself. Apples said he thought it was awesome. He asked if it was a CL63. Ronnie said don't worry about what it was. He wasn't going to tell him. apples said he thinks it was fucking cool. He said he'll stop looking if he wants him to. Ronnie said this guy is a sick man and a weirdo. Howard asked why he won't say what kind of car it was. Ronnie said the guy is a weirdo stalker and he doesn't want to answer his questions.
Howard asked why Ronnie won't tell him what it was. Ronnie said the guy who sent he video can tell him. He said he doesn't want to talk to this guy. He said he started this the wrong way and he wants nothing to do with this guy. He said he won't tell him what kind of car it was. Howard asked what it was. Ronnie said he's not going to answer him either. He said it was completely customized.
Howard asked if anyone else can ask him about the car. Ronnie said he doesn't know what Howard sees in this guy. He said it's just to aggravate him. Howard said he's wrong. He said he got mad at Apples. He said he just asked him about his social media posts. Ronnie said it's the way the guy did it. He said he doesn't want to get into it. He said the guy is just a weirdo.
Howard asked if Ronnie heard about Bubba. Ronnie said he did. He said those guys don't follow the rules. Apples said he got vaccinated yesterday. He said they can go fishing now. Howard said this is like Ronnie's Lex Luthor. Ronnie said he's right. He said he has no idea. He said that he doesn't even know how bad it is. Howard said it's so bad that he won't even say what kind of car it was.
Apples asked what kind of car is the best he's ever driven. Ronnie didn't answer. Howard asked what the coolest car is. Ronnie said it was Kurt Busch's Ford GT that he drove in the Gold Rush Rally. Apples asked what NASCAR tracks he's driven. Ronnie didn't answer. He said he's not answering this guy. Robin asked the same question. Ronnie said he's driven on Pocono a bunch and down in Florida once.
Apples said that he's driven Atlanta and Darlington. He said they have that in common. Ronnie said they have nothing in common.
Howard asked if Ronnie would help Apples out if he was in a room with someone dying and he had to help with CPR. Ronnie said he's not that much of a dick that the wouldn't help the guy who was dying. He said that if it was Apples dying he'd hang the phone up and rip the wires out of the wall.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he doesn't hate anyone but he thinks it's sending the wrong message that Ronnie is posting videos of himself having a good time in a Mercedes. He said it's not fun time yet. He said the numbers are up and the variants are out there. He said don't post stuff like that. Ronnie said his friend is vaccinated and Stephanie is vaccinated. He said they were going somewhere and they were all wearing masks. Ralph said that someone may see that and think that they're not and go out and do something stupid.
Howard said Apples did have a conversation with Ronnie sort of. He said that Stephanie has stopped up her social media. He said she posted a video of them eating at a restaurant without masks on. Ronnie said they were eating. He said that he isn't sitting outside to eat when it's 50 out. Robin said stay home then. She said the most likely places to catch COVID are at indoor restaurants and bars. Ronnie said he got vaccinated and he wears a mask.
Apples said that he thinks that Stephanie's social media is blowing up since he started all of this. He said you have to see what she's up to. Howard said he's seeing all of this even though he was blocked. Apples said he is. He said there are ways around that. He said Ronnie is a lucky man to have her in his life. Ronnie said the guy is a friggin weirdo.
Howard said Apples loves him and love studying him. Ronnie said it's not normal. Howard asked if he would mind if Apples jerked off to Stephanie. Ronnie said he doesn't care what people do. He said he probably does. He said he probably jerks off to him.
Apples said that Stephanie wants to get a dog so they should get one. Ronnie said that they'll get dogs when they move. He said they'll have plenty but they're not doing anything right now. Howard asked how many dogs they'll get. Ronnie said they'll probably have 2 dogs and a cat. Howard was relaying the messages between Apples and Ronnie.
Robin asked how the house is coming. She said that Apples probably wants to know. Ronnie said he's not answering that. Ronnie said it's great. He said they don't have a date for moving yet. He said they have a few offers on their house now. Howard said that the house will sell when they see all of that NASCAR stuff in his room. He asked if he would leave that there. Ronnie said he's not leaving it.
Apples asked Ronnie to wish his mother good health since she has cancer. Ronnie said that Howard can do that if he wants. Ronnie said everyone wishes her good heath. He said the whole show does. Howard said she might be the one telling him about his social media. Ronnie kept saying the whole show wishes her the best. Howard said he should wish her the best too. Ronnie wouldn't say it.
Ronnie said this guy is so stupid for bringing that up. He said he's making a bit out of his mother having cancer and that shows what an asshole he is. He said he's a fucking dope and he'll do anything for air time. He said his mother should spit in his face.
Howard said he has a question. He asked if Ronnie would travel back in time and kill Apples as a baby. Ronnie said that's a dumb question. He said the guy is making a bit out of his mother having cancer. He said the guy is a moron.
Howard asked if he would travel back in time and prevent Apples mother and father from having sex so they wouldn't have him. Ronnie said yes he would do that. Howard asked if he would fuck Apples' mother. Apples was laughing. Ronnie said the guy is such a fucking asshole.
Howard asked Ronnie if he ever hopes that Apples catches COVID-19. Ronnie said he wouldn't wish that on anyone. He said this guy is just a moron. He said the guy may not think so but he is a fucking moron. He said he made a bit out of his mother having Cancer. Howard said he has to agree with Ronnie on that. Ronnie said everyone sees right through that bullshit.
Apples asked Howard if Simon Cowell's mom had cancer would he wish her well. Howard said he'd tell him not to make a joke about it. He said he'd tell him there's something wrong with him.
Howard said lets say the Pandemic is over and he has a bikini contest he's hosting. He asked if he would let Apples attend. Ronnie said he wouldn't. Howard said he thinks that's enough of this. Ronnie said it's definitely enough.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said he hates this mother fucker Apples. He said he doesn't add anything to the show and he isn't talented like he and Ronnie are. Howard said he has to agree that they are talented. Howard asked what Low Pitch Erik thinks of Apples. Low Pitch Erik said he hates Apples too.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who wasn't there when he picked up. Howard said he can't take this guy and his phone connection.
Howard asked if Ronnie heard the show yesterday. Ronnie said he didn't listen. He said he remembers being on with Scott getting hypnotized and parts of stuff. He said he remembers pain in his ass and stuff. He said he remembers talking like a woman and some of that. He said he doesn't remember a lot of it.
Howard said he has to talk to him seriously about this. He said that hypnotism is powerful. Ronnie said it's great for him. He said he met with Scott on Sunday about the pre-hypnotism thing. He said he was having trouble sleeping and whatever he did he got him to sleep like a baby. He said he slept all the way through the night. He said he didn't even get up to piss once.
Ronnie said he has more feelings for Stephanie now too. He said he has more than he ever has. He said he didn't ask Scott to do that but somehow that worked out that way.
Howard said Gary was telling him that he was recalling a lot of loving memories with Stephanie. He said that Gary heard that when he was talking to Scott. He said maybe the hypnotic thing made all of that come to the forefront of his brain. Ronnie told a story about being in Florida and how they had a crazy night of sex down there.
Howard said he got a note saying that Scott did say to Ronnie that he will feel happier and feel more loving toward Stephanie after he was done. He said that this shit does work. Ronnie said he slept like the dead last night too. He said that he's usually up and out when her alarm goes off. He said he will be up and making the bed and stuff until she's out of the shower. He said she had to come and wake him up this morning. Howard said it's pretty amazing.
Howard said the first thing they did with Ronnie was the ass thing with the mention of NASCAR. He said Ronnie wasn't even able to sit in his chair with that. Robin said he kept looking under the chair and asking what he was doing to him. Ronnie said he remembers jumping out of the chair but he didn't know why. He said he had to run to the bathroom after the show and take the biggest dump you ever saw. He said it was crazy. Howard said it's unbelievable what was going on.
Howard took a call from Apples mom who was in the hospital. She asked if Ronnie will be friends with her son. Ronnie said he'll her that but he's not sure if he can go through with it.
Howard got back to the hypnotism thing and told Ronnie what they did with him yesterday. He said they had him playing the part of a woman. Ronnie said he remembers a little bit of that. He said that he didn't remember the details about how old she was or things like that. Howard told him some of the details about what he was saying as Angelina. Ronnie said he heard some of that from Stephanie. Howard said he and Benjy were talking sex and stuff. Ronnie said he remembers parts of talking like a girl but not who he was talking to or what he was saying.
Ronnie said he loves the hypnotism. He said he wishes he could do it every day. Howard read some feedback from the fans about what happened yesterday. He said the fans are looking for a whole channel of hypnotized Ronnie.
Howard read some feedback about Ronnie as Angelina talking about Gary's big lips eating her out. Ronnie said he doesn't remember that at all. Ronnie was cracking up when Howard told him what he said about Gary's lips.
Howard said what they have to do next time is ask if Angelina would fuck Apples. Ronnie asked him to please leave him out of any of his shit. Howard said he was talking about Mike Pearlman yesterday and he wanted him all to himself as a girl. He said he was talking about how hot it was that he got shot.
Jon Hein got on and talked about what Ronnie was saying about him when he was Angelina yesterday. Ronnie said that Jon is a big guy. Howard said someone called him ''Rongelina'' as that character. Howard asked Jon if he walked around feeling kind of rejected. Jon said that he did finish last and he must have those feelings in his head. Ronnie said he is a big guy but there's nothing wrong with that. Jon said Ronnie wanted no part of him. He said that he sounded intimidated by him. Ronnie said he is a big dude. Jon said he didn't mind Jason at all and he's a big guy. Robin said that he and Benjy were into each other. Ronnie said he hears Benjy talking about women and he sounds very sensual. He said he must remember all of that when he's under.
Howard had a montage from the Wrap Up Show where they had some clips of Ronnie evaluating the staffers. Howard played the clip and they had Ronnie talking about all of the staffers he brought up yesterday.
Howard said that Jon thinks that his McDonald's is the best one around. Jon said it's tough to find a good one. He said that it's like calling customer service and finding someone who knows something. He said you want to talk to that person all the time.
Howard said Jon is more worried about the service than the food. Jon said the food is pretty much the same but they get it right at this place. Ronnie said they're probably going to make it even worse by making it all automated. He said the one that they had was one where you wait and they make it fresh for you. Howard said he's like Debbie Downer now.
Howard asked if Jon has thought about running a McDonald's. Jon said he has actually. He said he was thinking about buying a franchise. Howard asked what he would improve. Jon said he would make sure the orders are right and people get in and out as quickly as possible. He said he'd make sure it's clean and he'd like to get people to know what they want when they order. He said he'll educate the customer. He said if they look lost they go to a different line and the veterans would go to another line.
Howard asked Jon how he'd feel if they start pondering when they get in the wrong line. Jon said he'd have someone escort them into the beginner line. He said you should know what you want or go to a different line. Howard said you should have an idea of what's on the menu if you have been there before.
Howard said they renovated that McDonald's because they were afraid Jon's ass wouldn't fit through the door because he's been going there so much.
Howard asked if he feels he's been wasting his time there. Jon said he did write a book about it. He said he would have scenes put up so people can see their meal being made. Robin said they have to keep that line moving.
Howard said you have to spot the beginners. He asked if Jon won't touch his fries until he finishes his burger. Jon said that is true. He said he will hold off until he's done. Howard said he likes both tastes at the same time. Jon said he's been doing this since he was a kid and he's not sure why.
Howard said it's weird how people eat. He said he knew people who would eat their turkey dinner one food at a time instead of mixing it together.
Howard said Jon likes to box people out of the line until he gets his order. Jon said he wants to make sure the order is right and he will have them repeat it back to him and then he'll take one step to the right but he waits for his food to come. He said if you don't do that they can forget about you. He said that he has a special order so that can get messed up. Howard asked what he gets. Jon said he gets a double quarter pounder with no cheese. He said nothing on it. He said it should take like 3 second to make. He said they're just putting patties on the bun. He said if he's in the drive-thru he'll check his order before moving. He said that he knows that's annoying but he wants the right order.
Howard asked if he'll move out of the way if they ask him to. Jon said that he waits for the order to be done right. Howard was playing the part of the guy taking the order and asking Jon to move but Jon won't move.
Jon said one of the most embarrassing things was when he went to order and they recognized him and put the order in without him saying a word. He said the other thing they'll do is throw in an extra medium fry if they mess up his order. Howard asked if would eat that. Jon said sure.
Ronnie asked what he'll do if they change it all to the automated thing. Jon said you can order in the app and you can customize it there. He said it's specifically what you want. He said he really likes that because they bring the food out to you. He said he wants it fast and accurate. He said they have promos where they offer free food on certain days. He said if you order wrong them it's your fault though.
Howard said that Jon would get really angry if he got pickles or something on his food when he ordered. Jon said he would ask them to get the correct order if the interns brought the wrong thing. Robin said that's the kind of boss he'd be. She said his employee turnover would be ridiculously high.
Howard asked if you can just take the pickles off if you get them. Jon said he can deal with that but anything that gets mixed into the burger is what he can't take.
Howard said Jon wanted an apple in the morning so go figure. He had Jason tell the story. Jason said that Jon would be upset if his apple was bruised. He said he wouldn't get too angry but this kid who used to get it for Jon said he would get way too upset about it.
Howard said that's the kind of thing that interns had to do there. He said they must go home and tell their parents about what hey have to do there and that's what their parents are paying for.
Jon and Jason talked about things that went on in the office there when they were at work. Howard said he heard that Jason would snap his fingers and ask the interns to get him coffee. Jason said that's not true. Howard said he's just saying what he was told.
Jon said the meal he orders is 1200 calories. Howard had asked about that earlier.
Howard asked if Ronnie eats that shit. Ronnie said no. He said Stephanie eats it. Robin said Jon Hein has been going so long that regular restaurants bother him. Howard said he knows because he took him out and he tanked up on McDonald's before.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he knows what Jon is saying because he has a local McDonald's that's run like shit. He said that he'd go to one of Jon's places. He said that you have to order special because they make it more fresh than other burgers.
Howard said he used to go to Roy Rogers every day and he didn't care if it was already made. He said he had to get off of all of that because his health took a down turn. He said he was up at like 235 pounds.
Ronnie asked if Jon takes the food home or eats it there. Jon said he takes it home. He said that it stays hot enough for him. He said that it all stays in the bag.
Howard asked if Jon ever walks home from McDonald's and dips into the fries. Jon said he tries hard not to. He said that he likes to have a complete meal at one sitting.
Jon said he's not sure why Howard doesn't have it once in a while. Howard said he could but he doesn't like the health aspect of it. He said it's not good for you. He said he could but he doesn't do it.
Howard took a call from Jon Hein Audio Book who wanted to add to this. He took the call and the guys played clips of Jon talking about ordering at a drive-thru.
Howard said Jon might want to think about just going once in a while. Jon said he goes to other fast food places occasionally. Ronnie said he should try an insulated bag like Howard's food used to come in.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was at a McDonald's and he wanted some extra sauces and he was told he had to pay for them. He asked if Jon would charge for that. Jon said not if it was a reasonable request. Ronnie said that's because the guy ordered through a machine. He said if it was ordered through a person it would be different.
Robin said that Jon would be like Gus Fring at the chicken place in Breaking Bad.
Howard read more comments about the show yesterday where people talked about what was really creepy with Ronnie and Benjy. Howard said they should play the show back for Ronnie and just watch his face as it's happening.
Ronnie said he gave Stephanie a big hug and made out with her before she left. He said that's what was going on thanks to that hypnotism.
Howard read some feedback about King of All Blacks and someone said it's his own fault for picking up on the guy. Howard took a call from King who said that it wasn't his fault this morning when he wasn't there. King said he went on Ronnie's Instagram and the second video he had semi-gloss on his walls and it was so tacky. Robin said ''Oh my god.'' King said that someone who drives a Mercedes would never have semi-gloss on their walls. He said it should be flat. He said the moulding should be semi-gloss. He said that's how the paint should be. Howard said he's laughing at Ronnie's walls because it's not classy. Howard said this is what Ronnie opens himself up to.
King said he's not saying that it's better or not but it should be flat paint. He said he should know that. Ronnie said he didn't know that and people should be allowed to do what they want. King said walls like that are for the projects. He said that they do that so they can clean the walls easily. He said he's not sure why Ronnie would do that. Ronnie said they didn't paint the walls. He said the painter did it. He said he doesn't have to live up to his expectations.
Howard said Ronnie likes tacky shit. He said his limo had Playboy stuff all over it when he met him. Ronnie said it's all really tacky.
King asked if Robin has semi-gloss walls. Robin said no she doesn't but Ronnie wants it so that's why they make it. She said some people do.
Howard asked if he put it on the walls in Vegas. Ronnie said no. He said that's not what they wanted in the new house. He said when he painted this house that's what he wants. He said things change.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's fine to paint with semi-gloss if the walls are done right. Ronnie said it was a long time ago and it was bright colors. He said it was in back then.
Howard read some feedback about the Alex Jones bit they did yesterday. He said the fans loved it because the puppet got on and was upset about the real Alex Jones and it got very confusing.
Howard said Ronnie and Alex Jones were the big hits on the show yesterday. Ronnie said that Stephanie was so impressed with the Alex Jones set. He said that she thought it was crazy. Robin said she was a great help yesterday. She said she really pitched in. Howard said she really did and she was a good sport.
Howard asked Ronnie if he'll speed up the date of their wedding now. Ronnie said once they move and settle in Vegas they'll do it right away out there. He said within maybe 6 months or so they'll do it. He said he may have to get hypnotized again. Howard thanked Ronnie for all of that.
Howard asked Ronnie wants to apologize to anyone for rejecting them as Angelina. Ronnie said not to Jon. He said that he is a big guy. He said he's not saying he's fat but he's a big dude. He said he would think a girl might feel she's going to get crushed. Robin said he was very sensitive as a young woman. Ronnie said he's sorry if he upset anyone as a woman.
Howard said tomorrow John Stamos will be on. Robin said they were wondering why one girl was partially shaved and one girl was fully shaved. Howard said Kathy was fully shaved. He said that's a good question but maybe for another day. He said he has to end the show. Howard wrapped up the show and ended it around 10:15am.
Howard started the show talking about OJ Simpson after Fred played some drops of OJ. Howard told him to quiet down over there. He said he's trying to do a show. He said what a great way to start the show. He also had some JD clips playing with the OJ clips. Howard said the Juice is loose. Robin said they have enough drops that he could be there every day.
Howard said there was a comedian who said that he had never said ''Juice'' in his life until he met OJ and then it was ''Hey Juice!'' Someone said it was Arsenio who did that bit.
Howard said he wonders how he'd handle running into Donald Trump. He said he despises what he's doing but he used to be friends. He said that he wanted to be a dictator and rig the election. He said the entire 4 years was insane. Robin said it's still happening. Howard said he's not sure what he'd do if he ran into him. He said he's not sure if he'd say fuck you or just say ''Oh hey!'' He said he's not sure if it would be appropriate to say how he feels. Robin said that's like the OJ thing and if you should say that he killed two people. She said they actually had that OJ moment when he stuck his head in the door. Howard said he was just OJ when he stuck his head in the door. Robin said that he had been accused of domestic violence already. She said she just smiled like a Cheshire cat.
Howard said he told a story about Woody Allen on the air. Robin said she never heard that. Howard said he's just kidding, he doesn't have a story. Robin said she was with Woody and Soon Yi at Madison Square Garden. She said that she saw someone talking to him and Soon Yi had to try to whisper to him who he was talking to.
Howard said he ran into Jim Carrey in the elevator once when he had his parents with him and they started talking about who he was while he's standing there. He said that he had to apologize to Jim about all of that. He said that couldn't have felt good for Jim. He said they're talking about who he is right in front of him. His mother didn't know who he was so his father was telling her. Howard said he's had that where someone doesn't know who he is. He said it's embarrassing.
Howard did his impression of his parents talking about Jim in front of him. Howard had his mother asking who it was and what his name is.
Robin said she was in an airport with Hugh Jackman once. She said she was just sitting there and Hugh came in and he was sitting in an aisle. She said some guy sits next to him and says he knows him but then asks who he is. Howard said you know the guy is famous but you may not recall his name. Howard said that's when they start talking about you. He did more of his parents talking about Jim. Robin said the guy was asking what character Hugh Jackman plays.
Howard said he's kind of famous but there are parts of the country where he's pretty much unknown. He said he doesn't like to go to those places. He said he's not that famous in Texas or New Mexico. He said he doesn't like to go there. Robin said he doesn't want to go to Hawaii because he didn't have a good time. Howard said he doesn't want to get into that. He said they were too into him there.
Howard said there are parts of the country where people don't know people from the Northeast. He said he doesn't go to those places because he doesn't want to have to explain who he is and what he does. He said he's had that happen to him at parties.
Howard said he used to work in Washington DC and he would come to New York and hear about Imus. He said he hated that. He said you're famous in a small radius. He said that's the worst. He said he'd come home to New York and he's run into someone like Al Bernstein who told him how great Imus was doing. He said it was Imus blowing up radio. He said you need the kind of fame like David Lee Roth had where he'd go to deep into a forest in South America and they knew who Van Halen was. He said he'd go to the Amazon and hike for days and not see a person. He said then he climbs to the top of a mountain and comes upon a village. He said he goes into the village and there are natives there and they know who he is.
Howard said he's not sure why they were talking about this. He said he was talking about his parents and Jim Carrey. Robin asked if he introduced them. Howard said he did tell them this was Jim and this was his mom and dad. He said then his father said he knew who that is. He said then he tells his mother who he is from ''that movie.''
Howard said Jim didn't seem too thrilled about that. He said he wasn't too happy. Robin said it's not a fun feeing to be talked about like that. Howard said he tried to make a joke about it but Jim didn't seem to happy about it. Howard said his parents don't know.
Howard said this guy Colton was a virgin when he was on The Bachelor. He said some people thought that he might be gay. He said he didn't think that at all. Robin said he was the head of the movement. Howard said Colton actually married him and Beth on Ellen.
Howard said this whole thing is being promoted as a very intimate interview. Robin said it has to be that he's gay or that he's a woman. Howard said they keep saying that it's going to be ''Colton in his own words.'' Robin said they should have taken the day off. Howard said they should have rescheduled Stamos for that.
Howard said he's guessing that he's gay. He said that he remembers Ricky Martin going on TV to announce he was gay and everyone knew already. Robin said there was that Clay Aiken who did the same thing. She said he announced that and they were thinking that wasn't news.
Howard said the big announcement in their lifetime was when Bruce Jenner became Caitlyn Jenner. He said that was huge. He said that was bigger than the moon landing.
Howard said it would be kind of funny if this guy Colton is just doing a promotion for The Bachelor and this is nothing. Howard said he had better not say that he's suffering from depression. He said everyone is depressed. He said he's sick of that being a thing. He said he could come out with something about abuse as a child. He said he could be on meds or something but he doesn't want to hear about that. He said he could be in rehab or something and he doesn't want to hear about that. He said maybe if he was injected with hookworm medication and he became a dog he'd want to hear that.
Howard said his first thoughts were gay. He said that people are going to be speculating now. He said this guy Dylan has figured it out. He took the call and the guy said that he thinks he's announcing he's taking Chris Harrison's position. Howard said that could be it. He thanked him for the call. He said that maybe his big announcement is that he uses vegetables to masturbate or he got a nose job. Howard cracked himself up with that. Robin laughed too.
Howard said he's not sure what the big announcement is but he's hoping for gay. Robin said it has to be bigger than that for her. She said she'll start throwing tomatoes if that's it.
Howard said this whole thing is a big announcement. He said it has to be something. Robin said that he finally got that girl he was crying over. She said they lived together for a while and she took out a restraining order against him. Howard said maybe he's not gay. Robin said you can still get a restraining order against a gay person. Howard said he's not sure why she'd need it if he's gay. Robin said that it may have been a stalker-ish situation.
Gary said that a restraining order may be over compensating. He said that's what one of the staff came up with. Howard said the promos are calling it deeply personal.
Howard said he was watching American Idol last night and they put people's age up on the screen. He said they had a 28 year old next to a 15 year old and that makes you look even older. He said this girl's job was ''Hair model.'' He said if that's a real job he should have had that. He said he was calling bullshit on that job. He said he's never heard of such a thing. He said he'd love to be a hair model. He said if he was on American Idol he'd ask to see a pay stub from when she was a hair model. He said she has nice hair but he has awards for his hair. He said he has gotten 4 hair awards.
Howard said his hair is good looking but the rest of him is gross. He said he has good feet too. He said that's it. He said everything in between is gross.
Robin said she has heard of hand models. She said you see them and you see that they can't be a model for anything else.
Howard said this guy Colton wrote a book. He said in the book he says that he was taught that he was straight when he did The Bachelor. Robin said Howard is probably right about the big announcement.
Howard said he has Colton on the phone to make his announcement. He took the call and Colton said he wanted to prove that he can suck his own dick. He started to do that.
Howard said he'd like people to come on the show and make a big announcement. He said that's what he wants. He said it would have been great if Ellen Page had come on the show to announce she was becoming Elliot Page. He said Stamos better have a big announcement today.
Robin said that she would think that they'd all have to quarantine for 2 weeks. She said they have to make sure that they're all safe. Robin said that Luke Bryan brought it to the show. Howard said they had a guest judge and it was Paula Abdul. He said she was sitting there. He said he gets nervous when she talks. He said everything she says seems like it might go wrong. He said she just gives accolades to everyone no matter how good or bad they are. He said the kids are so young that maybe they can't crush them. He said it would be great if they did that.
Howard said Paula Abdul must be so desperate to do the show. He said that this guy had COVID and she's going in there anyway. He said she was so excited to be there. Robin said she was reading what she has done since leaving that show. She said they were all jobs given to her by Simon Cowell. She said she has been a judge on The Masked Singer. She said no wonder she ran back to Idol.
Howard said if he was asked to go judge on America's Got Talent when someone got COVID-19 there's no way he'd go back.
Howard said he can't be a gay virgin. Robin said maybe before The Bachelor he had sexual relations as a gay male. Howard said he would think so. He said the guy had to know when he was gay.
Howard said Chris Wilding says this is a big win for the gay community. He asked Chris why that is. Chris said he's a very hot guy. He said that's big in the gay community.
Chris said he's getting into Colton now that he knows this. Howard asked if he jerks off to gay may or any man. Chris said he jerks off to any man. He said that Colton is in that world though so he thinks that he might be able to get someone like that. He said he sees him hooking up with Andy Cohen. He said he would jerk off to that combo.
Robin said she's not sure being with someone who pretends is the best thing. Howard said maybe he'll straighten things out now. Chris said going on a show like that is kind of strange.
Howard said it would be wild if he went into a relationship with Brad and George. Howard said George could be his gay Sensei. Howard said how about Elliot Page and Colton. Chris said that would be hot.
Robin wondered if he's at all bi. Howard said he thinks he's all gay. He said some of those girls were super hot and he was scaling a fence to get away from them. Chris said he's done that. He said he has gone out windows to escape women. Howard said maybe Ralph and Colton would be a great couple. Chris didn't think so.
Howard said he seems to remember Colton going into the fantasy tent with Taisha and she came out kind of disappointed. He said that he might have to watch that whole season over again.
Howard said he thought Colton was gay when he watched the show. He said it's very rare that someone that good looking doesn't have sex with a woman in college. He said he was a football player. Chris said it's like that Liberace thing where he was just too busy to find a woman.
Robin said she saw a picture of Mike Douglas sitting with Liberace and Little Richard. Howard said he watched that video. He said that Liberace and Richard talked about how they weren't able to find wives because they're so busy. Howard said that Mike Douglas was clueless about the whole thing.
Howard said then they're off camera and talking about not finding a woman because it's hard to find one. Chris did his Liberace impression and said ''It's raining pussy and I can't get wet.''
Howard was doing his Liberace and Little Richard impressions talking about not being able to find women for various reasons.
Robin said when she saw that picture she thought that must have been Mike Douglas' Cocktober. Howard was still doing his impression of Richard and Liberace talking about how picky they are finding women. Howard and Chris were cracking up.
Howard asked how old Chris was when he came out. Chris said he didn't come out officially. He said he just started dating guys. He said he was against the whole coming out thing. He said that you're basically telling your family that you like penis. He said it's kind of archaic. He said they can fill in the blanks.
Howard said he heard that Chris is jerking off like 4 times a day. Chris said he is to get some sleep. He said that's the only thing that seems to help. Howard asked if he can do it 4 times in a night. Chris said he can do it once and that won't take. He said he has to do it again in the middle of the night and that's the only thing that works. He said he goes on his phone and looks at gay porn sites.
Howard asked how old he is. Chris said he's 32. Howard said he could jerk off that much at 32. Chris said he has a cum rag that he uses so it's got like 4 loads in it. He said he just about passes out when he's doing it so he has to use the rag instead of tissues.
Howard asked Chris how it works with this guy he's been jerking off with. Chris said he met this guy 3 or 4 years ago. He said he came in from Panama. He said this is the guy who gave him anal. He said that he can see himself having a long term relationship with him. Howard said forget that for now. He said he has the big announcement from Colton. Chris said the thing is that he and this guy jerk off together. He said that's the story. Howard said he's smart about jerking off. He said he's street smart about it.
Howard played the clip of Colton making his big announcement. In the clip Colton said that this year has been a lot for people. He said it's made a lot of people look in the mirror and see who they are. Robin said he did have COVID so maybe it turned him gay.
Howard played more of the clip and Colton said that he's hated himself for a long time and he's gay. He said he came to terms with that earlier this year. Howard said he ate a gay bat and it turned him gay. He said he went into some kind of gay fog after getting COVID. Howard let the clip play and Colton said the next step in all of this was to let people know.
Howard said he wishes he had made the announcement there. He said they'd know if he was a bottom already.
Howard and Chris talked about how some guys come out and their voices has changed. Howard did an impression of what that might have sounded like.
Howard played more of Colton and Robin Roberts. Robin was asking him about being on The Bachelor and deceiving people on there. Howard said it would have been so great if he had been stereotypical gay and asked Robin about her fashion.
Howard wondered if Colton will be excommunicated from Bachelor Nation. He said they could have him on Bachelor in Paradise and have some guys there for him. He said they can have gay couples on the show. Robin said all this time they thought there was no diversity on the show but it turns out there was.
Howard played more audio of Colton talking about being on The Bachelor and how he handled all of that. He said he could have handled it all better. Howard said he should have gone with the COVID explanation. He said that he could have said he was confused. Chris said that he did surround himself with a bunch of women. Howard said he did jump over a fence to escape them. Chris said it's bad when you're not into it and you don't know how to get out of it. He said the only way to do it is to tell her you're gay.
Howard played more of Colton talking about how he's not sure if this ever would have come out if he hadn't been on The Bachelor. Howard said he should have gone with the COVID-19 explanation and said that turned him gay.
Howard played a clip of Colton talking about how he prayed to God thanking him for making him straight when he got the job on The Bachelor. He said he knew he was gay in high school. Chris said they fill their heads with this religious bullshit.
Howard said it's not a bad thing to be gay so get over it. Chris said it's not. Robin said he doesn't have to justify it. Chris said he thinks he doesn't have to apologize for this because those women will get over it. Howard said imagine his prayers. He said now the guy can have a good life. Robin said that she's not sure why he wasn't able to come out. Howard said when you're in that world of coaches and players it's not easy. He said he's not sure what his mom and dad are like and what that's like. He said he probably wanted to be straight so he could be part of that whole religious family. He said it's hard.
Howard said he imagines his prayers being that he hopes he can stop vomiting when he looks at Playboy. He said God has answered his prayers. He said that he gets rock hard in the locker room and he prays that he get be helped.
Robin said he knew he was gay in high school so he had to have acted on it. She said he had to be a straight virgin but not a gay virgin. Howard and Chris talked about his musculature and stuff like that.
Howard thanked Chris for his thoughts on that. Chris said welcome to Colton into the gay community. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said he's not sure why people pray to god to make them straight. He said it's never worked. Howard said he was talking about American Idol earlier and they had to break in and talk about Colton. He said he was talking about how desperate Paula Abdul had to be to go back to American Idol. He said they didn't even say that Luke Bryan has COVID-19. He said Ryan just said he was ill. He said that they had someone drop out of the competition too. He said they didn't say why. He said this kid was like the front runner and he had to drop out. He said that was a story they didn't explain.
Howard said he was ready to tune out but he had to stick with it because he's got so much time invested in the show. He said he's such a weirdo. He said he sometimes thinks he's alone in all of this. Robin said she's not watching the whole show. She said she tunes in for a few things.
Howard said they're celebrating something on the show. He said that he wants Robin to explain why he's super famous. Robin said that these morning shows cater to the famous for their ratings. She said when they do a promo they put in all of the famous people they have on. Robin said this morning they had Howard Stern on CBS Sunday Morning. She said they use Howard to promote themselves. Howard said he did pray to god to be famous enough to be on CBS Sunday Morning. He said he didn't have any noticeable talent but the prayer worked. Robin asked why he listens to him and not gay people. Howard said he doesn't know.
Howard said they're celebrating the 25th anniversary of Sal being on the show. He said he's wondering if he's responsible for the biggest fuck ups on the show or is Gary? He asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said Gary might be more but Sal has to have the biggest. Howard said all next week on Howard 101 they will know once and for all. He said they're going to have a special where they have head to head stuff between Gary and Sal running all week.
Howard said they were putting this special together and they noticed that both Sal and Gary has trouble with pronunciation. He played some examples of Sal and Gary fucking up. He had a clip of Sal screwing up ''Prevalent.'' Howard said this drove him insane. He said Gary was talking about his favorite candy and said ''Recies pieces.'' He said he gave him some convoluted explanation about not being able to say ''Reese's Pieces.'' Howard played the clip and Gary gave that explanation and pissed Howard off with that.
Howard said at least Sal admits he's dumb. He said Gary refuses to do that. He said he's not sure why Gary would do that. He said both of them drive him crazy. He said you think this is an easy thing to settle but it's not.
Howard said Gary and Sal don't respect his boundaries either. He said that Gary once let Carol Miller on the show when she was recovering from Whooping Cough. He played some audio from the show that day. Howard said that was unbelievable. He said every fan will want to tune in for this. Howard said that Gary let someone in who had Whooping Cough.
Howard said in 2005 Sal asked if he could crash at his apartment one night. Howard said he thought he as goofing around but he was serious. Howard played a clip from that day when Sal asked to stay over so they can watch Survivor together. Sal asked why they can't hang out and get to know each other better. Howard said there's something about him that's odd.
Howard said that's the truth. He said he's not even sure Sal should be working with him. He said the thing with him is that he barely lets anyone into his home. He said he's not going to let Sal in there. Robin said he had it in his head that it should happen. Howard said he probably figured he hired his stalker so why not let him in his home.
Howard said both Gary and Sal have screwed up a lot. He said Gary fell asleep at his desk and got caught. He played a clip from that day when Howard played the tape for him after Gary denied being asleep.
Howard said the jury would convict in that case. He said he was out and dreaming.
Howard said that was bad but Sal getting caught masturbating at work was really bad. Robin said that is bad. Howard played a clip from the day when Sal explained what happened. He thought he had his office door locked and Thom walked in on him because he had a key.
Howard wondered if Sal likes getting caught. Robin said he has been caught a lot jerking off. She said it's not just there, it's everywhere. Howard said it's tougher to fire him now that they're working from home. Howard asked who has ever gotten a warning at work about jerking off. Robin said she has never been in a situation like that. She said she remembers Sal jerkin off while wearing a wig at home. Howard said he was in a lesbian chat room doing that.
Howard said the message is to tune in and hear this special next week on Howard 101. He said that it's a very special Howard Stern Show special. He played a song parody for the screw up special.
Howard said the vaccine isn't 100 percent effective. He said the virus isn't leaving and things will never get back to normal. He said there will be a new normal eventually. He said that not everyone is going to get vaccinated. He said that some people are going to refuse to get it. Robin said they have the Johnson and Johnson thing now to have ammunition for that argument.
Howard said that Rachel Maddow was talking about how you don't do this for yourself, you do it for others. He said if you think you're invincible then you're wrong.
Howard said he wrote to Bubba yesterday about getting COVID. He said Bubba is really sick. He said it's not a bit. He said Bubba was doing okay and he took a test and it came out negative. He said he went on the air to do the show and he said he felt horrible. He said he had a 103.5 fever and that's very high for an adult. He said Bubba wasn't able to get through the show. He said he thought he might have to go to the hospital. He said he has some tape of what happened on his show. He played a clip of Bubba doing the show and talking about how he may not make it through the whole show. One of the guys said he can make it. He said he's like a Gorilla. Bubba said that he goes through like an hour or two of an excruciating headache every morning. Howard said he doesn't even sound like Bubba.
Howard said he's not sure what went on there but he thinks they all tested positive for COVID. He said some of the staffers tested positive too. He said that Bubba's last test was negative but he still feels sick. He said his temperature was 103.2 and he had trouble thinking straight. Howard played some audio of Bubba talking about how bad he feels. One of the guys was telling him he'll be fine by the weekend.
Howard asked JD what's going on there. JD said that's his doctor telling him that. Howard said Bubba is sitting there with a nebulizer to open up his lungs. He said he had to get off the air early. He played a clip of that part of the show. Bubba said that he's not thinking clearly. Bubba said he's out of there. He said it still hurts to breathe deep but he can breathe a little bit. The doctor told him that it should help out with the fever too. Bubba ended the show after that.
Howard said this is what the future is going to sound like with people on portable ventilators. He said everyone on the show sounds like an expert. Robin said they all have it but they know what to do now.
Howard said Bubba said he was thinking of going to the hospital and he hopes he does. Robin said he should have stayed on the steroid he was on. Howard said that's because of the negative test. He said he hopes that he's okay. Robin said this is what's going on in America. She said people are sick walking around getting other people sick.
Howard played the song called ''Drown in the Sun.'' He said the computer performed all of the instruments. He said the singer is the only thing from the cover band. The song did sound a little Nirvana like.
Howard said the computer also wrote a Jimi Hendrix song. Howard said this is called ''You're Gonna Kill Me.'' Howard played that and it also sounded sort of Jimi Hendrix like.
Robin said this is awful. She said A.I. doesn't match the human element. Howard said Kaia Gerber is dating the computer so he's not sure what Robin is talking about. Howard said they're having so much fun today.
JD said whatever. He said he just did it this morning. He said someone brought it up before the show and he can bring up his Twitter and still see what he's up to but he wanted to block him. He said he doesn't need that. He said it was just very odd. Howard said that he's going to get a knock on his door some day from OJ. Howard said you have to feel like a real loser when JD blocks you. He said that's really going to upset OJ. He did his impression of OJ knocking on JD's door and calling him a nerd and threatening to kill him. Howard said now he's woken up OJ. JD said he might have to get some security then.
Howard did more of his impression of OJ and had JD role play with him. JD was telling OJ to stay away from him and he's going to call the cops. OJ was telling him it's not OJ, it's Nordberg. JD told him to stay away from him. OJ called him a pussy. JD called him a murderer. OJ told JD that he was found innocent. JD said ''Accused murderer'' instead.
Howard knocked on his door as a baseball card delivery guy but it was OJ. JD said they're not friends. OJ kept asking to be friends. JD said he's not opening the door. OJ knocked on his door with a wine delivery. JD refused to open the door. OJ knocked as Ronald McDonald with a Filet-O-Fish. JD told him to go away. Howard said now he's really on OJ's radar. JD said he's done with this. He said this isn't fun. OJ knocked on the door as a cam girl and a Door Dash guy. JD told him to get out of there. Howard did more of the OJ knocking on his door thing. He was pretending to be Samantha Bee and having a Stove Top delivery. He was asking him to open the door now. He threatened to cut his head off if he didn't open that door. JD cracked up at some of that stuff. Howard wrapped up and did a live commercial read before going to break.
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Howard came back and said this is the best Paul McCartney song. He took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said this is the best thing to happen to her in a long time. She said that John Stamos is so great. She said that Howard would win over him but not by much. She said it's just by a hair.
Howard said it's time to say hello to John Stamos. He said he was last on the show in 2016. Howard said he has to do the math to figure out how long ago that was. He did the long math the way he always does. He said it's been 5 years.
Howard said first of all he's in some kind of recording studio. John said that the guy who used to live there had a recording studio because he was a record producer. He said he produced for Glee and things like that. He asked when they were there. Howard said he was there and saw John a couple of years ago. Howard said he's not sure when that was. Robin said it was 2019 maybe.
John thanked Howard and Robin for saying nice things about his show. He said that he got a call from Howard asking him to pick up and it was so nice to hear from him about that. He said it meant a lot to him. Howard said they'll talk about the show but they have a lot to catch up on. He said the reason he called him was because he saw his new TV show on Disney+ and he thought it was great. He said the show is ''Big Shot'' and it's a show they really watched. He said he plays a basketball coach and he's really good in it. John said that the call meant so much to him. He said David Kelly is a big fan of the show and they should have him on.
Howard said he put the call into John and he and Beth got on with him. He said that John thought that the only reason he was calling is because something had happened to Ralph. John said he did think something had happened to him. Howard said he's not sure that he would call him about that. He said he'd probably have to call him.
Howard said this part was really good for John. He said he wanted to touch base with him. He said John wanted to Facetime with him. He said that John showed him his kid and the kid is even better looking than he is. He said his wife is better looking than both of them. He said he said to Beth that this is some family he has. He said that he wanted to put a bag on his face. He said his family looks good so Facetime is good for him. He said his wife looked amazing. He said Facetime isn't for him.
John said that he hopes that Howard gets to talk to his wife more. He said she's so down to earth like Beth is. He said she's super grounded. He said she's listening to Howard now and she wasn't a listener before. He said Ralph came out wand stayed with them for a while. He said he was there for like 3 weeks. He said he'd come home and Ralph would help out around the house.
Howard said John has had a lot of women in his life and he should write a book about that. He said that it was wild to him because John would say to him that he had to find his Beth. He said he always said that to him. He said he thought he was full of shit. He asked John what happened in his life that led to this marriage. He said that he could have more and more women if he wanted. John said that's not the way it works. Howard said he had to come to this maturity somehow.
John said the sobriety helped. He said his mind got very clear. He said Fred once told him to knock it off when he said he wanted to find a Beth. He said that he realized he had to put everything he had into it. He said when he met Caitlin he was doing the show SVU. He said he was playing a guy who was very egotistical and he had 42 children. He said he was poking holes in condoms and Caitlin was one of the women he was with on the show. He said they exchanged numbers but she was getting married. He said about 7 years later she came to Fuller House and they reconnected there. He said he put everything into that relationship. He said that's sort of what happened.
Howard asked if it was therapy that helped him out. He asked if he realized he was the problem. John said yes. He said that Howard has always talked about therapy. He said when his father passed away he was having a tough time and he thinks they set him up with a therapist. He said he balled his head off in those sessions. He said his dad had a stroke and he never recovered. He said that Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt were dating or something and Helen asked if he had ever thought about therapy. He said he hadn't. He said that Helen suggested going and then his dad had a stroke.
Howard said he thinks that when you have the looks and success that people tell you that you have a perfect life and it might be tough to take him seriously. John said it may be. He said he got a DUI and he had to go to rehab. He said that helped too. He said it's been six years since rehab so it worked for him. He said he got scared. He said it was getting bad so he was going to lose everything he had. He said if he told himself that he had done everything and if he died it was no big deal. He said now he has it all and this was the end game.
Howard asked if he ever got to the bottom of what was making him do substances. John said he was very lonely and just carrying on with these women. He said he was sad that he got divorced and that went on. He said his dad died and his mom died so that broke his heart. He said a friend told him that they were worried about him when his mom died. He said things are great now. He said that his life is great. He said everything you've ever dreamed of can come true. He said he has been handed everything in his life and he would have been a fool to throw it all out.
Howard said he once said to him that he has it made because he'll go down in history. He asked if he feels like he never got that one movie that would make him huge. He said he has had a lot of success. He said he's been in the Beach Boys and he's had an acting career. John said he went to do a lot of theater and they came to see him. He said that was great too. He said he felt like he was satisfied doing all of that. He said he got to do theater and do some films. He said he doesn't think all of that bothered him. Howard said Clooney got these movies and he's a handsome leading man type. He said that John is thinking about him going down in history. He said he seemed kind of focused on that. John said Howard is the best at what he does. He said there are a lot of great actors and actresses. He said that Howard is just the best at what he does. He said Howard can do anything he wants to. He said he's painting and all of this other stuff. He wondered how he does it.
Howard said for him being excellent at something is important. He said he has to be the best at it. He said that's why he was thinking of John. John said he found out in therapy that he was getting by on 60 percent or so. He wasn't giving it his all. He said he didn't think he was trying his hardest. He said that's what he was doing with his relationships. He said there's a great speech in the show where he tells the girls to do their best. He said that's what it's all about. He said the writers on the show are great. Howard said he thinks this is going to be great for him because it's such a good show.
Howard said John has a wife and kid and he's sober now. He said he had trouble taking it seriously that he had a problem because he treats stuff so casually. He said he was in the Beach Boys. He said he plays it kind of low key. He said he didn't even know he played drums and guitar. He said he didn't know he sang. John said he played drums at his wedding. Howard said he didn't know this about him. He asked when he got into playing. John said he was going to be a musician or an actor so he was playing since he was a kid. He said the Beach Boys were his idols. He said that he met them and he was told to come back after the show. He said this was in 81 or 82. He said he was chased into the dressing room and Mike Love saw that and told them to get him on stage. He said he played with them in 1984 at the Washington Monument. He said it was insane. He said Jimmy Page was playing guitar there.
Howard asked if he has to rehearse with them or what. John said their whole thing is unorthodox. He said he got some great stories from Mike Love. He said they were writing songs for Charles Manson. He said he moved in and never left just like Ralph. He said Dennis had to move out of his own house. He said that things just aren't done normally with that band. He said he kept on drumming for them. He said that Carl Wilson was a beautiful soul and he was a task master and would tell him to watch his elbow for time. He said it just grew and grew over time.
Howard asked if he gets to hang with Brian Wilson at all. John said he does. Howard asked if he had to approve of him to be in the band. John said he was gone for a while and he came back in the 90s. He said that they had so many people on the stage that he didn't notice. He said Brian came back and they thought that he was good for him so he was hanging out with him. He said Brian would start writing a song and he would give out parts. He said he wet his pants when he was told what to do.
Howard said that means that you're at a master level if Brian Wilson is into you. He said that's pretty heady stuff. He said that's an amazing career when you think of it. John said that if he wrote a book he'd have so many stories like that. He said he gets to talk to Howard Stern.
Howard said he feels like he has had deep relationships with people in show business. He said he had a relationship with Don Rickles. He said he has trouble making relationships with older men. He said his father was kind of cold to him. He said if he knew enough about that he may have been able to have older men mentor him. He said he was thinking that maybe his sobriety was about that. He said he has a relationship with Mike Love who is 80 now. John said that he had the greatest relationship with his father. He said he was his hero. He said he was always the coolest dude to him. He said losing him was really heavy. He said he passed away and he started gravitating toward these older men. He said Don was such a great guy and he was so grateful for the way Howard treated him. He said it meant a lot to him. He said they were so good together. He said Don loved it.
Howard said he was shocked that he never picked on him. He said even when they were on Letterman he wouldn't say a bad word about him. He said he went to dinner with him one night and he was vicious to people but not to him. He said he never understood that and doesn't know what to make of it. John said that he loved Howard and he listened to his show. He said that he did get some flack for some stuff later in his life. He said he'd go to Vegas and his wife would tell him to stop saying the ''f a g g o t'' word. He said Don would do funny things with that word and the night before he saw Elton John and he asked if the kids were gay because the parents were gay. Howard said he was an older man and he used to get laughs with that stuff. He said he didn't know that the world had changed around him.
Howard said the weird thing with John is that he's able to hang out with the guy. He said he was comfortable with that. He said he's not and he's not sure why. John said he got Don when no one cared about him. He said he just got to hang out with him and showed him some attention. He said that he would bring people around him who loved him and then he had a resurgence. He said that they would talk on the phone for hours. He said that he was so glad he got to meet Caitlin.
John asked how old Howard's parents are. Howard said they're in their 90s. He said that he went into therapy thinking that's what parents were. He said he wanted to be a good father and a good husband. He said that they broke down his sense of the world. He said he thought he was entitled to the world. He said he's not sure what John was doing but he thought he was doing something.
John said he has to grab something. He got up and disappeared for a second. Robin wondered if he had to give up women as part of the sobriety. John said he didn't have that problem.
Howard said that the guys sent him the new show and they should just release it all at once. He said releasing it one a week is ridiculous. He said they should put them all out. He said he should talk to Disney about that. John said Howard should talk to his buddy Bob Iger about that.
John said that his therapist told him that he should realize just how great he has it. He said he told him his life is like a porpoise orgy.
Howard said he heard that Jennifer Lawrence was stalking him so how does he turn that down. John said he thinks he was in a relationship at the time. He said that he didn't know about it until he saw her talking about it on a talk show. He said he doesn't think that she was that into him. Howard said she was stalking him so she must have been.
Howard said he's not interested in show business at all. He said he was at a wedding that John was at and he was so not into it. He said it was star studded and he just had to get the fuck out of there. He said his wife wanted to stay but it wasn't fun for him. He said he's not sure why.
John said he's not into that either. Howard said John has a book in him. He said even early on people were attracted to him. He said he knew Liberace. He said that he used to go to gay parties and guys would parade him around. John said that Howard once asked him about what it's like to walk into a room and have everyone think that he's the most handsome guy in the room. Howard said people look at him and think he's the ugliest guy in the room. John said he never thought about it like that.
Howard asked if Liberace was in love with him when he met him. John said that he's not sure. He said he has had women who have gone a little far. He said he did a movie with Vanity and he was like 19. He said she reached under the table and started jerking him off. He said he was like ''Oh so this is show business.''
Howard said that's so funny he said that. He said he was out to diner with some guys and this guy had a girlfriend who was very good looking. He said he got up from the table and this other guy tells him that this girl was jerking him off under the table. Howard said he's never had that happen to him. He said he can't imagine what that's like.
John said his dad didn't think he could get ''any girl'' that he wanted. He said that his father made him work at his restaurant over the weekends. He said the show started airing and he wanted to quit but his father made him keep working. He said his father wrote this letter to him and it was all about how much he loved him.
John asked when he realized that people respected him. Howard said he never had that moment. He said that John has had a real show business career. He said he has photos with so many different people. He said that he thinks he's experienced it all. He said that if you make it in show business you get to hang out with all of these people like Bowie. He asked how he met him. John said he didn't know him very well. He said he just got to hangout with him one night. He said he was shorter than he thought and he was sober at the time.
Howard asked what the attraction was to the substances he used. John said there was ecstasy in the 90s. He said that they used to have so much fun. He said he and Howard got in a Bentley after smoking pot one night. Howard said that night was really scary. He said he smoked weed at the top of Mr. Chow's. He said the next thing he knows there were Paparazzi around and he was told not to act high. He said Rick Rubin got them into his car and they went down the street the wrong way. John said that was the same night he went to the Playboy mansion with Howard. He said he thinks it was just the two of them. Howard said he was invited to watch a movie there. John said that he was afraid they were going to get kicked out because they were goofing on it.
John said Howard took him to Scores for the first time. He said that he remembers that. Howard asked if he could get high and do a show. John said he felt like he needed alcohol to do good. He said he thinks he could have done better if he had stopped drinking sooner. He said that he still has to work at it. He said to do that as an actor it takes a while to trust yourself. He said that he has to trust the writing too. He said he got that with this new show.
Howard asked what he means when he has to trust the writing. He said he's not an actor so he's not sure. He said John is working with David Kelly and he must trust him and become the character. John said 100 percent. He said he wasn't worrying about changing it or making it work for him. He said he's worked with a lot of great writers over the years. He said that some of them weren't so great. He said that Jack Klugman taught him about what to do. He said that Jack would throw scripts out. He said that he finally learned to trust and not move around so much. He said he also learned not to mess around with the girls off camera.
Howard said he was going to ask about that. He said the show is called ''Big Shot'' and it premieres this Friday on Disney+. Howard said that he thought that he didn't need that shit around him with the girls on the show. He said that he finds it interesting that he stays away from them so he doesn't get too familiar with them. John said he was also an unlikable character so he wanted that to be the way he was. He said that they had to shut down around COVID during the shoot. He said this guy lets go of his preconceptions of what the girls are. He said he just lets it go. Howard said it kind of mimics his life now. He said he's learning how to relate to the girls and he opens up to the daughter on the show. He said it shows tons of heart. Robin said you can see his confusion and how the choices aren't that easy.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Brian Wilson impression. Howard told him he's a genius. Howard said he thought John would like that.
John showed Howard what he got off his wall earlier. He said his dad never wrote or said he loves him that much. He said that his mother would say it but not so much with his father. He said he was doing a movie and he got this letter from his dad and he had written out this letter. He said that he found it later on. He read the letter to Howard that his dad had written to him after he took his parents to Yugoslavia. The letter was about how many great moments he had given him. Howard asked if that kills him that his dad isn't around to meet his son. John said it does. He said he named his son after his dad. He said the kid is great and more like his mom.
Howard asked if he thinks of his father every time he says his son's name. John said sometimes. He said it's hard.
Howard said John may not have told the story about Jimmy Page playing with the Beach Boys. He said Jimmy asked him a question that he didn't know the answer to. John said they played Philadelphia first. He said he was best friends with the guitar player and he thinks he was about 19 or 20. He said they were playing with one of Jimmy's guitars and he got to sit with Jimmy Page. He said Jimmy asked what key they play songs in. He said that Jimmy was yelling at him about the keys they were playing in. He said he was saying he can't play in those keys.
Howard asked who the best drummer to ever live was. He asked if it was John Bonham. John said he was great. He said there is no best though. He said that there's a lot of great players. He said Taylor Hawkins lives down the street from him. He said that he got to play with Fogerty. He said that his daughter was hit by a car and he went to say hi to her because she was a fan. He said Fogerty came over with his daughter to his house and he was playing with his band. He said he asked John to play with his band and he came back for another party and played again at the party. He said he played a Credence song with him. He said then Bruce Springsteen got up and did like 10 songs with them. He said he wanted to play John's songs and not Bruce songs.
Howard said John Fogerty is a great performer. He asked how you play if you're not that familiar with his songs. John said that you can get through it. He said he loves Howard's fascination with musicians. He said he should learn to play guitar. Howard said six years ago he was at a fork in the road. He said he wanted to be good at playing guitar. He said he wanted to be good at painting too. He said he started studying the guitar and painting but he realized he had to pick just one. He said that he wishes he had more time in his life. He said that painting was more important. He said he's good at it but he wants to get better at it. He said he feels like he's running out of time.
Howard said that letter from his father is so great. He said if his father had written that to him he'd melt. He said that it's so great that his father took the time to write that to him. He said that's really important to hear that from another man. He said framing that is a great idea.
Howard said he writes to his kids and he feels very close to them. He said he's trying to be a better father. He said that's why he went to therapy. John asked what those tools were. Howard said you have to put narcissism aside. He said you have to put that away and let the kids be the number one thing. He said that's part of it. He said there's more to it than that. He said he always went to events for them. He said there's so much to it. He said he wishes in school they'd teach kids how to be parents. John agreed.
Howard asked John about when this whole thing was going down with Lori Loughlin. He asked if he just shut up and avoided the whole thing. John said he did. He said that he tried to hide from it. He said he thinks that it's all behind them now. He said it was a hard thing. He said she's one of his best friends. He said that she's the last person you'd think would be going to jail. He said it should have been him or Jodi. He said he called Lori at one point during the whole thing and she said she was trying to figure it all out. He said that her husband was arrested and she thought that her phone might be bugged. He said she was all over the news and he told her that it was all over. He said she didn't even know it. He said he's not sure what happened here. John said it was hard on them. Howard said it's hard on you too. He said that people wanted to see if he'd defend her. Howard said John doesn't know what to say.
Howard said he always thinks that if something like that is going on they don't want to be bothered. He said he wouldn't have picked up the phone. He said he wouldn't know what to say. John said he didn't know what to say either. He said Howard is a good friend in a different way. Robin said he's good because he's not aware of it.
John said that Howard is the one who was talking about his show like his mother would. He said that was a great friend thing to do. Howard asked what happened to their relationship then. John said he feels like Howard never wants to be bothered. He said he wrote Howard a letter after he was on Letterman. He said he should frame that. Howard said he will. He said that he should get some of what he needs from that letter. Howard said he still has it because he emailed it to him. John said he feels like he's bothering Howard so that's why he hasn't been on in a while. He said he doesn't want to bother him. He said he's not in New York much and Howard doesn't reach out much. Howard said maybe it's his fault and he should reach out more.
John said he did reach out after the whole rehab thing. Howard said he should reach out more. He said he didn't know about that.
Howard said he was thinking that he didn't want to introduce him to his son because he didn't want him to see ugly people. John said that Howard underestimates his looks. He said he has great feet. He said it's Beth and Howard's feet. Howard said that's all the pictures they have in the house.
Howard said John Stamos has done it all. He said he should write a book. He said he won't because he can't tell it all. Robin said the stories he told today are great. She said he could start with those. Howard said he has to spill his guts if he writes a book. John said he's not sure how to do it. Howard said he will sit down with him and drug him so he spills his fucking guts about what went on in that bachelor pad. John said Howard has a way of getting people to say anything. He said he appreciates him having him on today.
Howard said they have to say that John's new show is very heartwarming. He said he wishes they'd just release them all at once though. He said that if it was shitty he would have just watched one episode and told him he watched all of them. Robin said this show is not what she usually likes but this is so well done. John said that they told him that if they release them all at once it's like the conversation stops. Howard said they're wrong. Howard said he forgets to watch stuff if they release that stuff weekly. He said he has issues with their downloading too. He said they have to work on that. He said that this show is so good that people will watch it. He said that they have to release it all at once.
Howard said he thinks the show is so good that it'll get picked up for another season.
Howard said that John's boyfriend is on the phone. John thought it was Ralph but it was High Pitch Erik. Howard asked Erik if he had to get rid of either John or Donnie Wahlberg on a sinking boat, which would it be. Erik said he'd get rid of Donnie. Howard asked what Erik would do to John sexually. Erik said he would give him a reach around. He said he can play with his too. John said that won't happen. Erik said he'd cum all over him. John said they were doing so well with this interview.
Howard asked if Low Pitch Erik is into him too. Erik went into his low voice and said he's into John too. He said on Friday it's his 50th birthday. Howard said he got to talk to John for his birthday then.
Howard said that he knows he's doing a lot of publicity. He said he did Kimmel last night. John said he did. He said that he thought it would be funny if Guillermo disappeared and showed up at his house. He said they shot a whole day of the two of them going out and doing things. He said that he asked his wife to get a horse over to the house and they did that and the horse freaked out. He said Jimmy was great. He said that he's gotten to a place where he can just be so funny.
Howard said he saw he did the Kelly and Regis show too. John said that Regis died. Howard said he meant Ryan Seacrest. John said he tried to broker a meeting with Howard and Ryan years agog. Howard said Ryan has been on the show. He said he knows he goofs on the guy but he's doing fine. Howard asked if he's friendly with him. John said he is friends with him. He said he's been around him for like 40 years now.
John asked when Howard is going to be happy with his success. He asked if he's satisfied. He said he has to be. Howard said he's not sure what the question is. He said that he feels like there's more he could have done but it is what it is. John asked what it is. Howard said recently in the past 7 years he's been offered opportunities that are mind blowing. He said he has been offered dream jobs. He said that he has had to say no. He said he values having time to himself and with his wife and kids. He said there's not a enough time to do everything he wants.
Howard said he has had movie offers and game show offers. He said it blows his mind that he was offered this stuff. He said he is happy with what he's done in his life with radio. Robin asked if it was too late in life. Howard said it's not. He said he's fine and this is about John and not about him.
John asked if he has interviewed everyone that he wanted to in his career. Howard said no. He said he'd like to talk to Mick Jagger. He asked if John knows him. John said he has met him but he's not that close. He said that he was with Rebecca at the time and they said she could meet him but not him. Howard asked if Caitlin gets that too. John said that she doesn't see it. He said it's like Beth.
John asked how long Howard has been married. Howard said they've been married since 2008 but together for 20 years. He said that it's all about therapy for him. He said he learned how to be a good husband. He said he just adores that woman. He said he's been locked in that house with her for a year and he thinks he's not seeing her enough. John asked how he can be a better husband. Howard said he has to have this discussion off the air. He said that it's about saying no to yourself. He said that he was able to do it with his substance abuse.
John said that it was never at the level that Howard thought it was. He said he learned a lot in therapy. He said that he went down a different route and Caitlin was that route. Howard said you have to think about the other person more than yourself. He said it's hard. He said he thinks his life got better when he met Beth. He said you have to give up some things to do that but it was worth it.
John said he had a scene in the show where there were all of these girls in school girl outfits and he thought about how he's getting too old for this. Howard said that's what you have to get over. He said you have to stop being on the prowl. He said it's liberating to get past that.
John said most of what he was doing was about getting laid. He said now he's moved on from that and he has it all. Howard said it can become a distraction and it becomes your whole life. Robin said it was like he was in a frenzy. John said it took him too long to learn that but he finally did.
Howard said Bill Maher doesn't get monogamy. He said he doesn't get the whole marriage thing. John said he did think that we're not meant to be alone. He asked if Robin has anyone. Robin said she's alone and she loves it. She said she believes there are people who are meant to be alone. She said she has very good friendships but she never wanted that.
Howard said John said that he no longer has to shower or brush his teeth. He said he's just joking. He said he'd never say that.
John said Robin looks great. He said it was just so great to see them today. John said that it was wild that he had Trump at his wedding. Howard said he loved having him there. He asked if he gets political. John said that he loved the way Howard handled it. He said he's never been into politics until this last administration. He said that he had to get involved after that. Howard said when you have a kid you have to think about that.
Howard said John's wife made him take down all of the naked women from his house. John said he had a picture of Marilyn Monroe that was hanging up. He said there may have been a couple of others. He said she doesn't get jealous anymore. He said she doesn't care about his career or anything.
Howard said that they should stay in touch. He said it's been too long. Robin asked if he misses John. Howard said he does. He said he calls but he has a fear. John said that was the most powerful call. He said his hero called him and said he liked his show. He said Robin was great too about it. Howard said when the Pandemic is over they'll go out to eat and he'll jerk him off under the table.
Howard gave John some plugs for the new show ''Big Shot.'' John said that Beth talked to him about how a coach changed her life. Howard said she did. He said she said it really moved her because she played high school basketball and she loved it.
Robin said the show really is great. She talked about how much she liked it. She liked the casting and all of that. Howard said the girls all look like they're the right age unlike it is in porn. That led to Howard and John talking about porn. Howard said he watches on YouPorn and they have step brothers and sisters having sex and things like that. He asked where John is seeing brother and sisters having sex. John said he's not seeing that.
Howard asked if he's not watching porn at all. John said he didn't say that. He said it can help you sleep. Howard said it's good to know he still jerks off. John said they've heard it all and done it all... and then they go on another 20 minutes. Howard gave him another plug for the new show and said they should keep in touch. Howard congratulated John on his marriage and child and sobriety. John said he thinks that they would be better friends if Jimmy Kimmel didn't take his place. Howard said they'll talk about that next time.
Howard said it's been a long show and they've done it all. He said that he has someone on the phone who thinks that they can steal John away from his wife. He took the call and the guys were playing some Wendy the Slow Adult clips. Howard stuck with that for a few seconds and bailed.
Howard said they really did a lot on today's show. He went through some of that stuff and ended the show around 10:50am.