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Howard started the show talking about how he wants to die because he's so sick. He said it's time for him to go. He said he's so sick with a low grade fever. He said he's got a 100.9 fever and it's killing him. He said he's walking around with his legs hurting. He said he doesn't know what he has. He said he doesn't think he has COVID. He said he's going to get tested today maybe. He said he doesn't think he has it. He said he won't go into his whole story but he thinks it's not COVID. He said he hasn't left his house for a year. He said he stupidly left his house on Thursday to go to the dentist and eye doctor. He said that was his first mistake. He said he got sick coming home from the eye doctor. He said it would take 2 days for COVID to kick in. Robin said it could be psychological. Howard said he has a fever though. Robin said you can do that to your body. Howard said no. He said stop it, it's enough. He said she's torturing him. Robin said she has a pain in her hip and as soon as she wants to go to the doctor it stops.
Howard said he's been sleeping all day. He said he has some major issue. Robin asked where he's going now. Howard said he shouldn't have gone out anywhere. He said he hasn't been sick for an entire year. He said leaving his house was a mistake. He said he never should have gone. He said he learned his lesson and he'll never leave his house again. He said he's so miserable. He said it's just enough fever to wreck his life. Robin said she hears it in his voice. Howard said everything is horrible. He said he's sweating right now.
Howard said he will do the show because he doesn't want to do a makeup show. He said he doesn't want to give up a good day. He said it's gross though. Robin said she hasn't had anything other than some minor stuff. Howard said same there. He said he thinks he got aggravated when he was getting his teeth cleaned or something. He said he thinks he was looking for a reason. He said his mother was like that. He said don't tell his mother that he got sick. He went into his impression of his mother asking him what he did wrong.
Howard said he's convinced he has a blood disorder and he's convinced he's dying. Robin asked where he came up with that. Howard said he has his own theory. He said he doesn't need the internet for that. He said that's the last place he needs to go.
Howard said he has a few things he can do today. He said Rush Limbaugh talked about how he was dying when he got cancer. He said he could have told everyone that he was bullshitting the fans all along. He said he went out being Rush all the way.
Howard said he has to get to this Tan Mom thing. He said they didn't do this on President's day. He took a call from his boss (fake) Jennifer Witz who told him that he has to give 24 hours notice if he wants to take a day off. Howard said he knows that. Jennifer said that Tom Morello did 32 shows last night alone. She said that he can take a day off but he'll have to make it up by working 24/7 through May.
Howard said he has a 100.9 fever and it's sometimes just 100. He said it's really not that bad. Jennifer told him to wipe himself off with a towel and make her laugh.
Howard said Jim Meyer would have felt bad for him. He said Jennifer just wants him to work.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's checking to see if maybe it's allergies. Howard said he doesn't believe in allergies. He said he doesn't have any. The caller said maybe he's been locked up too long and his immune system is taking a hit. Howard said maybe that's it. He said he's allergic to humans.
Howard said he's really bummed out. He said poor Beth has to deal with him saying he thinks this is it. He said he wanted to be straight up with Robin when she texted yesterday. Robin said she felt bad for him. She said she thinks about him having a wonderful time all the time. Howard said never think of him that way.
Howard said he just told her that he's sick and he's not going to be typing to anyone. He said he feels like E.T. at the end of the movie. He said he needs his mausoleum. He said he doesn't even have one yet. He said he has a friend who has one and he wants to be buried above ground too. He said it's happened when people get buried alive. He said doctors don't know what the fuck they're doing. He said he's going to wake up in a casket. He said he doesn't want to go out that way. He said if wakes up in a mausoleum he'll go back to his life. He said he won't be buried under ground. Robin said he doesn't have one yet so he could be buried under ground. Howard said he's leaving Beth enough so she can get one for him. He said just put him in the house above ground. He said he just has to be above ground.
Howard said just recently there was some dude who went to the morgue and he ended up waking up. He said the guy woke up in the morgue. He said it was just a couple of months ago. He said he could have ended up under ground. Howard said the guy was lucky and someone found him.
Howard asked the caller if she's ''Dry Lisa.'' She said she is. Howard said she's the one who called in about her dry vagina. Robin said that didn't stick in her head. Howard asked how her vagina is. Lisa said that it's dry.
Howard said he remembers that she wasn't having sex with her husband. Lisa said that's still the case. Howard said that poor guy. Lisa said she was wondering about a tool Robin mentioned. Robin said it was a dilator. Howard said she sound so lovely that he can't believe that she has a dry vagina. Lisa said it is sad. She said it might not be too dry if life changes a little bit.
Howard said he knew a woman who had a dry vagina who would use that dilator thing and it helped. He said they have to do that to keep their vagina open. Howard said even women who were born a woman can use it. Robin said it can be too small and too tight. Howard said he thinks she's just not turned on by her husband. He said if she was with Brad Pitt she'd be fine. Lisa said maybe he has a point there. She said if her husband was doing the right thing she might be ''Moist Lisa.''
Lisa said that her husband wasn't doing the right thing for her. She said she has friends over all the time and it's like having 5 husbands. She said that her husband wants a divorce. She said he can't take it. She said she took it for more than 27 years. She said he wants a divorce so he's got it. Howard said he has to see a picture of her. Lisa said if he saw a picture of her... She was rambling so Howard gave up on the call and said she's kind of incoherent today. He said he can't take it. He said he's not sure how a guy can be married to her. He said she was driving him crazy. He said he feels like he's in an episode of Laverne and Shirley. He said she was drying out his ears.
Howard said he remembers talking to her and it was kind of interesting. He said not today though. Robin said she doesn't think it went this way last time. Howard said he remembers how interesting it was last time. He said they tried to help her out.
Howard played the clip of Tan Mom saying that he was chopping wood or he was going to hang someone.
Howard said they asked her who said ''Read my lips, no new taxes.'' Howard said it was George H.W. Bush but will she know that. Robin said she should. Howard said she can't. Howard played her answer and Tan Mom thought it was Trump.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom who the current Vice President is. She said she thinks it's that black lady Kamala Harris. Howard said he didn't know it but she's also Asian and black. Robin said her mother is from India. Howard said he didn't know that was Asian. Robin said yes it is.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom who the current commander in chief is. He wondered if she'll know what that means. Robin said she may think it's a military thing. He played her answer and Tan Mom said there is no commander in chief.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom who the President was after George Washington. Howard said he knows it's John Adams but most people won't know. Howard played her answer and she said it might have been Lincoln. She said she thinks he was before Washington.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom which president was a peanut farmer. Howard played her answer and she knew it was Carter.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom who the first female Vice President was. Robin said she just said her name. Tan Mom didn't know that one.
Howard said that was for President's day. He said he was thinking about how a lot of kids have to learn from their parents so he's thinking her kids are learning that information from her. Robin said she worried about them before but she's really worried about them now.
Howard said he was watching a Ramones performance on Facebook. He said it was really good. He said Joey Ramone never got a break. He said that he was a really good front man and singer. He said they never had the financial success that some bands enjoy. He said that you have to hear this performance. He played some of the song that he watched on Facebook. The Ramones were covering ''Time Has Come Today.''
Howard said Joey was so great on the show. He said he died at the age of 49. He said it's the anniversary of his death on April 15th. He said Joey took singing really seriously. He said he took lessons and did breathing exercises. He said he really worked hard on that. He said he thinks the guys in the band looked at him like a diva but you have to be like that. He said meanwhile he got sick and died.
Howard said Joey was born with a tumor on his back and it was removed from him just weeks later. He said he was fucked up from birth. He said that led to infections and stuff. Robin said life is weird.
Howard said he's going to take a break. Robin said she feels bad that Facebook knows how he is. She said she doesn't relate to any of this stuff at all on Facebook. Howard said you have to go and find this stuff. He said he has great videos of rock musicians. He said they know he likes revenge movies too. He said that's all he sees on there. He said that he watches that stuff like it's a TV channel now. Robin said she can't do that. She said she gets thrown out of Facebook from time to time and she's not sure why. She said that when she can't get back in she's not upset about it. She said she's in that period now. She said she's out of Facebook and Instagram. Howard said he knows that Facebook isn't cool but he likes to look at women he wanted to date and see how they aged. He said he sees that he saved himself a lot of aggravation. Howard said he looks like a bus hit him but he thinks that they didn't age well. Robin said she doesn't care about any of that stuff. Howard said he does. He said he likes to see people he wanted to have sex with and people like that. He said then you hit this button every day and he doesn't even know what it's called. He said it basically plays you clips of things they think you'll like. He said there's a lot of great music performances that he likes. He said it's good stuff for him. He said in between those they have clips of people beating each other up from movies. He said that's the stuff he likes to see.
Howard said he thinks bagpipe is hard to play. Robin said she was told it was easy. Howard said he doesn't get it.
Howard said on St. Patrick's day he was going to do this. He said he has a bunch of bagpipe players ruining great songs. He played a clip and had Robin guess what it was. Robin had no idea. Howard said it's Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne. Robin said that was horrible. Howard played it along with the real song.
Howard said that sound is so bad. Robin said it's awful. Howard played another song and had Robin guess what it was. She had no idea. Howard said it was U2 ''I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For.'' He played the two together.
Howard said the only time he saw bagpipes being used right was in a Billy Joel concert. Robin said she thought he was going to say Joan Rivers funeral. Howard said that was actually good. He said they had the police bagpipe band playing. He said cops really like bagpipes for some reason. He said his uncle Bob was a cop but he was a Jew. He said they wondered what the fuck was wrong with him. He said he got to be a sergeant but they busted his balls because he was a Jew. He said he had been around a while and should have been a captain but there was no way they were going to let that happen. He said they're not looking for Jews to take over the police department. He said his uncle was a great cop. He said there was a guy walking down the street with a machete and swinging it at people. He said his uncle was in a squad car and he told him to put it down and the guy took a swing at him. He said he put 5 right in the guy's belly and that was the end of that guy.
Howard said he was thinking about his uncle and if he liked bagpipes. Robin said he probably did. Howard said he knows a lot of cops love them.
Howard played another bagpipe song and asked if Robin knows that one. Robin said she recognized that one. Howard said she must know that one. Robin said it's ''Sweet Child O' Mine.'' Howard said she got it. He played it along with the real song. Howard said every bagpipe player sounds like he's drunk.
Howard played another song and Robin said that's Rod Stewart. She knew the tune but not the name of the song. Howard said it's ''DO you think I'm Sexy.'' Robin had recited the lyrics so she got it right.
Howard played a clip and it was obviously a porn Santa. Robin knew it. Howard said she's really good at this. He said the game sounds good on paper.
Howard played another one where a Santa was talking to a woman and it was obviously porn. Robin just laughed.
Howard played another one that Robin got right with a porn Santa. Howard said this is actually not a porn Santa. He said that was a real Santa. He said he has the answer key and he got it wrong.
Howard wrapped up the game and did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Howard came back and sang along with the song that was playing. Howard said that's Thunderclap Newman. Robin asked if he's sure about that. Howard said that's who it is. Robin said she forgot who it was. Howard said he needed a radio name like that. He said she should have been Thunderclap Stern.
Howard asked who is more famous, Human Newman or Thunderclap Newman. He said it might be Human Newman. He said that he's not sure how people come up with their names. He said Stormy Daniels is one he wonders about. He said he's not sure how she came up with that. He said he'd want a cute name and not ''Stormy.'' Robin said maybe it was supposed to depict something about her being wild in bed. Howard said right. He said she must be wild in bed if she fucked Trump. Robin said she's wild. Howard said think about the reality of fucking Trump with that big belly and the golf pants. Howard said that's a rough assignment.
Howard said Andy Thunderclap Newman died in 2009. He said that Eric Clapton helped them get started.
Howard said they gave Ronnie a psychiatric exam and they can talk about that. He said Ronnie has nothing to hide from that. He said that's why they love him. He said he can play that for Robin. Robin said she would love that. Howard said Gary has a bunch of those ''Karen'' clips. He said it's white women who lecture you. Howard said they're super annoying women.
Howard said they have men who are like that too. Gary said they're called Kevins. Robin said she has to know what's going on with Ronnie.
Howard said they figured that Ronnie's life has been tough during quarantine. He said now he's suck inside all day and freaking out. He said the only thing he has all day are his thoughts. He said they know how dangerous that can be. He said he admits he's depressed. He lost a couple of pets and he sees time slipping away. Howard said he gets it. He said that is something to be depressed about. He said they decided to find out what's going on with him mentally.
Howard said they sat Ronnie down with a PhD in clinical psychology and they did it safely. He said he is worried about Ronnie but the doctor had an analysis.
Howard said first up is Ronnie worrying about his fiancee abandoning him for a younger guy some day. He said that's what happened to his father. He played a clip of Ronnie talking about that with the psychologist. Ronnie said his father had a younger woman and she stuck with him but eventually she split. He said that's what he worries about with Stephanie.
Howard said Ronnie is 71 and Stephanie is in her 30s. He said that's a definite concern. Robin said that's because he watched his father go through it. Howard said Ronnie likes to fuck and if he turns 75 and can't function anymore he gets why he's nervous.
Howard played another clip where Ronnie talked about taking things out on Stephanie when something goes wrong. He said she's around so he takes his frustrations out on her verbally. He said he told her the other night to leave him alone because he was in a bad mood.
Howard said he wants her to stay with him in the house but not annoy him. He said they once attended a joint therapy session and it ended in a disaster. He played a clip of Ronnie talking about that mess. Ronnie said that he didn't like the way the therapist talked to him and took Stephanie's side.
Howard said imagine what that must be like. He said he walked in and the woman said hello and he didn't like that. He said within 3 minutes he told her to fuck off and left. He asked what her evaluation could have been. He said she probably told Stephanie to get out of the relationship.
Howard asked Ronnie what could be so bad about the woman saying hello. Ronnie got on and said you had to be there. Robin said she wishes she could have been there. Howard asked if he can do an impression of that. Ronnie said it was a long time ago. He said it just set him off. He said it was okay but her attitude didn't sit right with him. He said then he tried to discuss something with her and she jumped on him like a ton of bricks. He said he thought they were there to talk about things and not have her jump on him.
Howard said it's very unusual for a therapist to meet with the partner. He said that Stephanie must have asked. Ronnie said the therapist asked to meet him. Howard said maybe she thought Stephanie was delusional with the stories she was telling.
Howard asked Ronnie what happened. Ronnie puppet (Fred) said he told her to go fuck herself. Ronnie said he thought she was kind of friendly but the way she came across made it seem like it wasn't going to be a good deal. He said he walked in and sat down and they got into a conversation and right away she jumped on him like a pail of shit. He said it was very uncomfortable. Howard said maybe she just wanted to meet the guy this woman was dating. He said maybe it threw her off. Ronnie said whatever dude. He said it wasn't cool.
Howard said if he had a woman in her 30s who was dating a 70 year old he'd want to meet the guy too. Ronnie said he didn't want to ruin it for her so he walked out. Robin asked if she stuck with that therapist. Ronnie said she still goes to her.
Howard asked what happened when she came out to the car. Ronnie said he apologized and told her why he acted the way he did. He said he explained that to her and Stephanie was fine with it. He said she didn't understand why he stormed out but she understood that he was uncomfortable. Howard said he wonders what she thought of him. Ronnie said he doesn't know and doesn't care.
Howard asked if he ever thinks he's too sensitive. Ronnie said he doesn't know, maybe. He said he felt like he couldn't win in there. He said what he said meant nothing to that woman. Howard asked what they were trying to work out. Ronnie said he'd rather not talk about it. Howard said he's dying to know. He said to get him to go must have been something heavy. Ronnie said Stephanie had a different therapist and he loved her. He said he would call her and talk to her about their issues and it was fine.
Howard asked if Ronnie thinks that she tells this therapist everything about the dildos and all of that. Ronnie said he has no idea. Howard said maybe that's why she wanted to meet him. Ronnie said he has no idea and he never went back to her after that. He said that when Stephanie came out she told her how he felt and that was it. He said they left it at that.
Howard said maybe the issue was Ronnie washing his asshole out in the sink. Ronnie said it wasn't that. Howard said this relationship belongs in a medical journal.
Howard said he has more to play. He said they sent Ronnie to this therapist. Ronnie said he loved that chick. He said they were on Zoom for about an hour and a half.
Howard said there's a moment when he got creepy with the therapist. Howard played the clip and the therapist said that he's been very honest with her. She said she appreciates that and he's probably shared more than he has in other sessions. She thanked him for that. Ronnie said she made him feel comfortable. He said she's hot to look at so maybe that's part of it. He said he's being serious. The therapist asked in what way. Ronnie said it's hard to say. He said it may not have been that cool if she was 80 and wrinkled.
Howard asked if she was that hot. Ronnie said she was like an 8 or 9. Howard said everything with Ronnie is like going to Rick's Cabaret. Ronnie said she was very good about letting him get his stuff out there by himself. He said the more he talked to her the more comfortable he got with her.
Howard asked if the woman that Stephanie goes to is good looking. Ronnie said she's good looking but it was just the way she came across.
Howard said this doctor said this was the first person to ever flirt with her in a session. Ronnie said she just made him comfortable.
Howard said after the session the doctor talked to Wolfie about what happened. The therapist said that she thinks that Ronnie is afraid of being let down and that's where this anger must be coming from. She also said she has never had a patient tell her that she's hot. She said it was unsettling to her. She said it was flattering but unsettling.
Howard said she quit the business shortly after Ronnie. Ronnie said he doesn't think so.
Howard played a clip of the therapist talking about how Ronnie may have a Paranoid Personality Disorder. In the clip she explained what that is and how Ronnie feels that people are out to get him and he goes through life with this underlying feeing of suspicion about people. She said that he operates as if people are out to cause him harm.
Howard said he believes she's right about that. Ronnie said he relates to that. He said his father was like that too. He didn't put much trust in a lot of people. Howard said what a session. Ronnie said he enjoyed it. He said he was very relaxed and calm after that. He said it was really good.
Howard said it would probably be hard for him to go to a good looking woman like that. Ronnie said he's probably right. Howard said he'd be hitting on her all the time. Howard sand Fred did their Ronnie voices and goofed around with that idea.
Ronnie said he wasn't looking at her that way during the session. He said she made him feel really comfortable. Howard did more of his Ronnie voice and talked about the hot therapist. Fred was in on that too.
Howard said he liked how Ronnie said her looks made him feel comfortable. He said he wouldn't have been comfortable with an ugly therapist.
Howard talked about how this was like going to a strip club. He said there used to be a guy in this strip club they went to and he was in there to help guys clean up before going home. He said he'd help get the glitter and stink off before you went home. He said he was called The Doctor. He said they had extra pants and t-shirts for guys to change into. Howard said the guy was at Scores when they went there.
Gary said the guy may have thought he was a real doctor. He said he had prostate issues and this guy gave him some stuff to put in his drink. He said he thought about it on his way home and said here was no way he was going to take that stuff. Howard asked what happened to that guy. Ronnie said he has no idea.
Howard said the guy had all kinds of things he'd do to help you out. Ronnie said they lost touch with that guy when they moved over to Rick's. Howard said they should do a documentary about the guy. He said he was really interesting. Ronnie said that guy made a fortune working there. He said he got great tips. Howard said he must have because he had all of this stuff to help guys out. He said guys must have tipped like $100 when he'd give them new sweat pants.
Ronnie said the guy must have been in his late 20s or early 30s. Howard said he had a lot of fixes for the guys. Ronnie said the guy would tell you if something was wrong and show you what it was. He said he'd check you out and asked if you were going home. He said he made sure you were presentable.
Howard said this guy had all kinds of things like mints and chocolates and then he had the stuff to help with the jizz stains and things like that. He said he could get rid of glitter too. He said they had weight over there so they told Lonnie ''No glitter'' and they made sure there was no glitter. He said that was great. He said that guys don't care about glitter. He said he's not sure why girls wear it. He said it only gets guys into trouble. He said this guy is an interesting story. He said before he knows it he's building up a clientele. He said he has all of this going on and it's quite remarkable. Ronnie said he'd even sell you one cigarette. He said he had his own little store set up in there.
Howard said he remembers the guy and he was ready to work. He said he doesn't get the glitter thing. Ronnie said that the dresses the girls would wear had it on them and it would come off. He said glitter isn't a thing that much anymore.
Howard said you have to go home after all of that to be a father. Robin said you had to go home to dinner. Ronnie said they'd have the parties and you'd walk out and it was 3 in the afternoon. He said you walk out and can't even see because you were in the dark so long. He said it was like opening the lid to a coffin.
Gary said that they would be done at 3 in the afternoon. He said the guys would be hammered too. He said Mary saw a homeless guy sleeping on the corner and it turned out to be Ralph. Robin said she passed him on that day too. She said she remembers that. Howard said that Ralph was on the street sleeping and he wondered why he did that. He said he thought maybe he was drinking too much. Gary said he found his way to the station but not quite. He said he was kind of slouched down with his hoodie up and he was just missing that sign that says he needs money for food. Howard said he was right outside the station. Robin said he was around the corner.
Howard said he has to thank Ronnie for sharing his therapy session. He said he'd like to hear more of that. Ronnie said he would do that. Howard asked if it was harder knowing that they were taping it. Ronnie said not really. He said she was great.
Howard replayed the clip where Ronnie told the therapist how hot she is. Howard replayed the clip of the therapist talking about how uncomfortable that was for her to hear.
Howard said Ronnie must hear ''comfortable'' when she said that she felt uncomfortable. Ronnie said at the end of the session they were talking and it was really good. Robin asked why she said she was uncomfortable. Ronnie said that's not his problem. He said maybe Wolfie made her uncomfortable with his voice.
Howard took a call from Pocket who said that this is all pretty funny but how many times do you need to hear that Ronnie is crazy and Sal is stupid. Howard said she didn't say crazy. He said he's got a paranoid personality disorder. Howard let Pocket go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he digs it when Ronnie is on the show but with all that's going on in the last 4-6 years how does he not get that women don't want to hear that they're hot in a clinical setting. He asked how he doesn't get it. He said she said it was unsettling and uncomfortable. He said her voice cracked because she was in fear. Ronnie said everyone is a psychiatrist or psychologist. He said people like this need more therapy than he'll ever need. He said all he's doing is calling into this show. The caller said he works 50 hours a week. He said he just told him that he likes him. Ronnie said he doesn't give a fuck if he likes him. He said he doesn't have to. Howard said he likes that his security guy has this personality disorder.
The caller said what Ronnie did is what's wrong with our culture. Ronnie said yeah, he's the one ruining the whole culture. Howard said he's the only patient who ever told her she was hot. Ronnie said he's glad.
The caller asked if Nick Cannon asked if he can use his fist logo on his Podcast. Howard said he has no idea. He said that fist isn't his. He said Nick can have it, it's fine.
Howard said he sees that Apples is on the phone and has a legitimate question for him. Ronnie said that's fine. Howard took the call and Apples asked if Ronnie if he eats a lot of fast food. He said he's basing this on his Instagram feed. Howard asked what he's saying. He asked if he sees a lot of fast food in the Instagram. Ronnie said he's going to stop him there. He said he's been blocked from Stephanie's feed. He said he's getting this from other people. He said Stephanie eats McDonald's. He said she brings it home. He said he doesn't eat it himself. He said now stay out of his fucking life.
Apples brought up something else she was up to and Howard said he has to go. He said he has no idea what he's talking about. Ronnie said there was something she was doing with TikTok and leggings or something and dancing around the house. He said this guy is so obsessed with his house it's unbelievable.
Howard took a call from Bobo who told Apples to leave Ronnie alone already. He said it's enough. He said stop it already because he's embarrassing himself.
Apples asked if they have seen Bobo's disturbing goatee. Howard asked why he has a goatee. Bobo said that's his look. He said he likes the way he looks. Apples said it's like a chin strap goatee. Robin said she can't wait to see this. Howard said someone said that he bleached it like Guy Fieri and he has no idea who that is. Robin said he's a cook. Bobo said he does his own thing. He said he didn't copy him.
Howard saw a picture of Bobo and said that really is disturbing. He asked where people can see this. Apples said he must put some dye in here. Howard said he died it all black except a strip in the middle. He said that's not natural. Bobo said the grey is. Howard said he left that grey spot. He said it's like a pencil thin goatee and its dyed jet black until you get to the chin area. He said it's a tiny area hanging down. He said that's why America is so weak. He said men are spending time on their facial hair. Bobo said he had his shaved head so he's trying to change things up. Howard asked why. Bobo said he's just experimenting with different looks. Robins said this one went wrong.
Howard said this thing looks so odd. He said it's pencil thin and then there's jet black and this tiny grey patch. He said it looks odd. Ronnie said if he had a little piece under his lip it would look a lot better. He said it goes too far.
Howard said women must look at it like he's too busy with that facial hair. He said it's so unnatural looking. He said if he were a woman he'd wonder what's wrong with that guy.
Howard said the guys are all saying that he definitely ripped of this Guy Fieri guy. Ronnie said it's just a weird thing. Howard said what a dumb look to rip off. He said it's not like Guy is ever going to look good. Robin said Guy figured he will never look good so he just looks funny. Howard said Bobo is making all the wrong choices.
Howard asked Apples to leave Ronnie alone now. He let him go after that. Ronnie said the guy asked his followers to watch their social media stuff so he can report on it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wants to defend Ronnie. He said that guy Apples is really weird. He said he might have a case there to call a private eye or something. Howard said he should call someone. The caller said Apples looks like a big serial killer or something. Howard said he has a Ronnie and Apples song parody. He played that.
Howard said it is weird that no one thought to check on him. Robin said he seemed to be fine but just sleeping on the street.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's no big fan of Apples but Bobo is giving advice about following Ronnie but he showed up to the hospital when Howard's kid was born. Howard said that was one of the creepiest things to happen in his life. He said he's had a lot of creepy things happen and doesn't talk about it. He said Bobo showed up with his parents at the hospital. He said his parents are so strange that they said they didn't want to be rude to the man. He said that his father too.
Robin said her mother would give out her number to people who called asking for it. She said that she could have said no but she didn't. Howard said you don't have to give it out though. Howard said Bobo is a lunatic. He said he's not sure what was going on that day. He said he didn't know Bobo at that point. He said he thinks he knows him but he didn't know who he was. He said his kids told him not to go but he showed up anyway.
Howard said that woman Dry Lisa is into Ronnie. He said the guys were telling him that. Ronnie said he's sure he could get her wet. Howard said he probably could. Howard said that would be a great bit on the show. He asked if he could get her there without touching her. Ronnie said he thinks he could.
Howard got Dry Lisa back on the phone and said she wouldn't take him from Stephanie. She said that Ronnie is a good looking guy. She said she's listening and she's not sure why they bust his balls. Howard said she told the guys that she thinks he'd be good at oral sex. Lisa said yes she did. She said she thinks he's very experienced and she thinks he'd be good. Ronnie said he could get her to cum without eating her pussy out. He said he'd eat her asshole. He said she'd cum like the moon. He said one afternoon with him she'd want to be fucking all the time.
Howard said that she's really into Ronnie. He said he's already gotten her wet. Lisa was asking if she can get evaluated by this woman who evaluated Ronnie. Howard said she's normal. Lisa said no one is normal.
Howard asked Lisa if Ronnie came over to her one afternoon would she be into it. Lisa said she would. Howard said he has to know what she looks like. Howard said he heard that she lost like 70 pounds. Lisa started yelling at her dog. She said she knew something was up when she came back into the house. She was rambling again so Howard said he has to get her back on track.
Howard said that they need to see a picture of this woman. He asked how old she is. Lisa said she's over 40. Howard asked her to be up front. Lisa said she's over 40. Howard said she has to say. She said she's 50. Howard asked if she said 60. Lisa said she's 50 going on 80. Howard asked if she'd let Ronnie do his thing with her. She said he's not coming over. Ronnie said he's coming alright.
Howard took call from Lisa's dog who said she's crazy and fucking insane. Howard said they'll check with Stephanie and find out if it's okay with her that Ronnie can lick her asshole. Lisa said alright. She sounded like she didn't believe he was coming over.
Howard let Lisa go and said they have Dry Connie on now. The caller was like Dry Lisa but it was a guy doing a female voice talking about this dry vagina thing.
Howard said Ronnie has turned into quite a stud. He said he guarantees that Ronnie could get that Lisa wet. He said he believes that. He said Ronnie is good. He said he's patient too. He said even if she thinks she can't do something like anal he'd just take his time with her. Ronnie said you just get them relaxed and let them watch some TV and get into it. Howard said he lets his cock rest on her asshole. Ronnie said that the pre-cum drips in there and lubes it up.
Howard said they gave Ronnie an advice segment and he has some advice on what a woman should do if she's not into fingering. In the clip Ronnie said that some women aren't into that and the guy should find another area to rub instead of fingering her. He said he had a girl who loved getting fingered really fast. He said this woman may want to try that.
Howard said he's like a creepy Ann Landers. Ronnie said that's fun taking questions from the fans. Howard asked what he did with that girl with the fast fingering. Ronnie said the faster you went the more she'd blow her load. He said she'd cum even more if you went even faster. He said if your hands are in water a to you get wrinkled fingers. He said his middle finger would wind up being like that. He said she'd be drenched.
Ronnie said this was like being a machine with his finger going in and out. He said it was nuts. Howard asked why he left her. Ronnie said that was his first love and she was on fire. He said she was the one who went to the all girls catholic school.
Ronnie said one time they were at her house and her brother and sister were supposed to be out. He said they came home when they were in her bedroom. He said he hid in her closet and she came running in and got him out of the house. He said he was like 14-15 years old at the time. Howard said he must have been able to fuck like 15 times a day back then. Ronnie said he can do it like twice a day now. He said they do it at night before bed and sometimes in the morning. He said it's like 7-8 hours later. Howard said he has an unbelievable libido.
Robin asked if Ronnie ever had a drought. Ronnie said he would beat off a lot. He said that he never really had a drought. He said he was with her for a while and they were on and off a lot. He said then he had a girlfriend at 16-17.
Howard asked if he was really in her wet pussy so long that his finger was wrinkled. Ronnie said she loved it.
Howard said he has the woman on the phone who Ronnie fingered. It was Chris Wilding doing his Blue Iris voice as ''Mildred.'' She said in her old age she got Parkinson's disease and she can't stop shaking now. She said Ronnie was a great lover but now she's really fucked up. She said she feels like he's still in there.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he'd like to thank that caller who pointed out that Robin didn't stop. He said that was really odd that she didn't stop. He asked why that is. Robin said it was in Manhattan. Howard asked why he was sleeping on the street. Ralph said he was stupid drunk and he was in the area of the station where he was parked. He said he had to go to the bank and after he got his money he sat in the bank and passed out there. He said they threw him out and he passed out on the street. Howard said imagine what he was drinking to pass out like that. Ralph said those were great times back then. Robin said she knew what they had done that day. She said that Ralph was there sleeping on the street. Howard said no one stops for any reason in Manhattan if you're driving.
Howard thanked Ronnie for the updates. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said he was watching that TV show on Disney called ''The Winter Soldier and something...'' Jon said it's the Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Howard said he's never heard of them. He said anything super hero he'll watch. He said that one thing they do is put in endings in the credits. He said he's not sure what they call that. Robin said sometimes it's a preview of the future movies. He said he's watching that show and he's not sure if he should keep watching it. He said he's not sure if he's going to miss something. He said he doesn't think it's that big a deal but someone has to explain it to him.
Howard said he remembers going to movie theaters and he went by himself once. He said he just wanted to get out but he had to sit and watch the credits. He said he thought he might miss something. He said he's not sure why they do that. He said if they have something good just put it in the movie.
Howard said there's no reason for him to sit through the credits. He said he paid good money for the movie. He said he was watching the credits in the TV show and he didn't see anything. He said there was nothing there. He said it's so annoying.
Robin said she tried the Superman and Lois show but she wasn't that into it. She said it was mediocre. She said it's the same thing that they've seen before. Howard said it's a new story. Robin said it's not the same story but it's about the same thing. She said that they should just be happy about their fucking powers. She said she's tired of that story. Howard said it's not the same story. Robin said there was another show where a super hero had two kids and one had powers and one didn't. She said it's the same thing.
Robin said there was a Gilligan's Island Marathon on MeTV and it was so dumb but so funny. She said she didn't realize how stupid the show was.
Howard said he's been watching The Walking Dead and it's really good this season. He said he likes American Idol too. Howard said someone passed out on the show. He said she went down like Fred did at his Bachelor Party.
Howard said Lionel Ritchie and that Luke guy went up on stage. He said they do that on reality shows to make people feel better. He said that Howie Mandel would bolt up on stage before he had the chance to. He said Howie was right up there. He said that you had to be quick. He said those are the best reality TV moments when you give advice. He said in the final season he was on he saw a guy back stage looking upset about something so he went over and told him to hang in there. He said he knew the camera guy was there with him and he thought they would use it. He said they never aired it. He said he's not sure what happened there. He said maybe they showed it but it was condensed. He said people love it when you pretend to care.
Howard said he remembers Howie running on stage. He said he must have had motorized shoes. He said on reality shows when they talk about letting someone go they talk about people and they don't really talk about anyone specific. He said they'd just pre-record stuff and cut it in. Robin said she remembers watching the last week that Conway girl was on and they were talking like that. Howard said he didn't like talking like that but that's the way they did it. He said there are certain moments when the camera is on and you see someone in trouble and you have to bolt on stage. He said at times it looked like musical chairs. He said Mel B would run up there too.
Howard said in his final season he didn't get up for anything. He said he was done by then. He said he wasn't moving out of his chair. He said he wanted to be the judge that didn't do anything. He said one time he tried to get camera time and Howie tackled him and got up on stage before him.
Howard said Mel B and Heidi eventually started going on stage. He said he was like ''fuck this.'' Robin said Nick Cannon would get that occasionally. Howard said Nick was good at it. He said that was his strength. He said he used to think that it would be so great if Howie, Heidi and Mel B got into a fight and started tackling each other.
Howard said this woman on American Idol passed out. He said people were criticizing Katy Perry for not running up there but she just had a baby. He said that Luke and Lionel can't do anything. He said they just wanted to look like heroes. He said Lionel came down and told the girl who was standing there that he knows she was shook up but she has to hang in there. He said he gave her a lecture. He said Lionel and Luke were like the Three Stooges when they were pretending to be doctors. He said they weren't able to do anything for that girl.
Robin said she knows they were talking to the dad to go give the girl a hug. Howard said Katy wasn't able to do anything for the girl so she stood there. He said he doesn't get why people were upset with her. Robin said she saw Katy crawling across the floor for something. She said she was on her hands and knees crawling in. Robin said that Luke Bryan called her to come over and she had him get on her back and ride her or something. Howard said he fast forwards through that stuff. He said they wanted him to do that on America's Got Talent. He said he didn't want to do it. He said he didn't think anyone gave a shit. He said Katy will pretend to be a pony and ride people around.
Howard said he had to get out of that show. He said he can't try to get attention like the other judges did. He said that Katy could give Howie a run for his money. He said that Howie would have something planned and they would ask him to react to it. He would say no.
Howard said that he hated doing the bits on America's Got Talent. He said he was hired to be a judge so that's the job he wanted to do. He said he wasn't seen as a team player. He said Simon Cowell got his job back after he said he would do all of that. Howard said he wanted to be the guy who didn't react to that stuff. He said they saw him as being belligerent. He said he had an image to protect so he told them that. He said it doesn't go with his general attitude on his radio show. He said they didn't want to hear that.
Howard said he didn't want to be included in all of that stuff. He said he wanted to sit there and be the guy who was too cool for the room.
Howard said when he joined America's Got Talent Piers Morgan had pranks pulled on him by Howie. He said he pulled Howie aside and told him if he did that to him he'd punch him in his nose so hard that he'd die. He said he warned him that this would happen. He said he's a Howie Mandel fan but he's not going to let him prank him. He said he knows he would have punched him out if he had pulled the pranks he pulled on Piers. He said he would go for the nose because that's what he learned in Karate class. He said that he's not going to see the humor in it. He said he and Howie had no problem after that.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that was the show when they would come to him with stupid ideas. He said it was great when he didn't go along with it. He said that they had a bit where Howie hired a Mariachi band to bother him. He said that was like a nightmare. Howard said Howie thought that they should have this shtick where he annoys him. He said Howie didn't annoy him though. He said if he had taunted him he would have punched him out. He said that would have been funny to do on the show.
Howard said they'd come in and ask him to do bits when he was about to eat. Howard said that was the worst time to ask him. He said he was eating stuff he doesn't like because he's trying to keep his with off. He said his life is a misery. Ralph laughed and said he was so miserable. Howard said he really was.
Howard said he liked the judging but he had to leave that show. He said he had to wait around all day. He said everything was a problem. He said he didn't want to be there. He said he'd had enough. Robin said they had to do setups for the bits they did. Howard said they had to wait for the water skiing squirrel to do it at night. He said he just wanted to go home.
Howard said the other talent loved him because he moved them after. He said one day they were outside and he said he was leaving at 5 even though they wanted to shoot after sunset. He said they can shoot he show without him if they have to. He said meanwhile he's waiting 7 hours in the cold for some guy to shoot himself out of a canon.
Robin said the one time she was there they were setting up for a bunch of guys to drive a bus into a concrete wall. She said that took a lot of setup.
Howard said they could have just been judges and judged. He said they were wasting time with the other stuff. He said no one cares. Robin said she's glad he gave that up. She said it wasn't good for him. Howard said it's better that he's not on that show.
Howard read some fan feedback about their discussions about Jeopardy and someone said he should be the host. Howard said that's the last thing he needs in his life.
Howard said people were writing in about how he's too hard on Gary. He said come on. He read some of that feedback where people told him to lay off of Gary. Howard said Gary needs his help to be a better employee. Howard said he and Gary are both devoted to each other. He said that they're fine.
Howard said finally they had a lot of feedback about Sal. He read some of the mail they got about Sal and how wacky he sounded last week. Howard said someone explained that it's a new transactional religion that Sal is getting into. Howard said most of the mail was about what an idiot Sal is.
Howard said he can actually get in touch with Sal in an alternate universe where Sal is a genius. He said they're able to contact alternate universes. He said the strangest thing is that he found a genius Sal. He took the call from genius Sal in the alternate universe. Genius Sal said in his world he's working on a nuclear fusion device and it will be prevalent everywhere there when it's done. He said that his partner Richard can taste alcohol through his anus and that's genius.
Howard asked Genius Sal about being caught doing something that embarrassed him in his office one night. Howard asked if he was masturbating. Sal said he wasn't, he was working on a COVID cure in his spare time.
Howard said Dumb Sal has some out there views on the after life and how the dead leave dimes for you. Genius Sal said that it's more likely that people drop dimes because they're small and practically worthless. Howard said Sal also said that he levitated in his bed. Genius Sal said he's thinking that it was actually something they call ''Dreaming.'' Howard said he's going to let Genius Sal go. Sal said he's going to call a Pizzeria if he wants to listen in. Howard said he'd love that. Sal called in and ordered a pizza and that was it. Sal said that was hilarious. Howard said that's Genius Sal. He asked where the prank was in there. Genius Sal said he's picking up the pizza but they're still going to get a tip. Howard said he's somehow missing dumb Sal. He said it turns out he hates both of them.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:20am.
Howard said he slept for 3 hours after the show yesterday. He said he watched some American Idol and he's just so miserable when he's ill. Robin said he doesn't have different compartments to turn on and off in his brain. Howard said Tom Morello has 47 different shows to listen to. He said go listen to those.
Howard said he had to take a shower this morning. He said he was sweating all over the place. He said now his hair is wet and looks horrible. Robin said it looks okay to her.
Howard said he built this house he's in. He said the whole house has mood lighting and it's not bright. He said he can't see a thing when he's trying to do his hair. He said he's wearing sunglasses and he can't see anything. He said he wears them to hide his ugly face. He said he has to wear them to cover it up. He said when you design a house they decided that it should be dim light. Robin said they could have bright and mood lighting with different switches. Howard said his mood lighting is almost complete darkness. He said he can't see his hair. He said his mirrors are all smoked too so you can't see anything in them.
Howard said he called a guy to help him out with the lighting in the house. He said he wants some light in there. He said he's walking into walls like Mr. Magoo. He said he can't see anything in there. He said he's trying to prepare for the show and he can't see. He said he's trying to hit the buttons on the wall and nothing is happening. He said he paid for this. He said he poured money into that place. Robin said everything is just aggravating to him. Howard said nothing works but it looks good. He said he has no TV and it's a fucking nightmare. He said it's ridiculous.
Howard said he wishes he hadn't spent so much money. He said he can sit in the dark for no money. Robin said he has no excuse.
Howard said he has his boss Jennifer Witz on the phone. He said she runs the company they work for. Howard took her call and fake Jennifer said if this show sucks he's going to have to make it up. Howard asked what it's like running a company as a woman. Jennifer said that people wonder what she looks like so that makes it tough. She said it's tough out there.
Howard said he was thinking that she was doing a good job there. He said the company seems to be running well. He said he likes her attitude. He said she comes off like a drill sergeant. Jennifer said that Howard just has to concentrate on his job and she'll work on getting more customers. Howard said they'll make the dick jokes and she'll keep buying more companies.
Howard said if she fails at her job they'll say that it should have been a man in her position. He said she has to succeed. He said her plan is to buy more and more companies. Jennifer said that Spotify can eat their shit. She said that by 2025 the company will be called SiriusXM Pandora Stitcher Apple Moderna Pfizer... Howard said she really is a cheerleader. He said she's on fire and she's really into her job.
Howard said he likes working for a woman. He said he sees everyone as a coworker. He said she is the boss though. He said that they are working for her and not with her.
Howard said Robin is distracted now that her computer is on. He said she has to get away from that. He wondered what it is that they have to compare themselves to other's spouses. Robin said that guy looks like a guy who takes walks. Howard said he has a big belly himself even though he works out. He said that he can't work out now and he can't do sit ups and push ups. He said he's not sure what he's doing. He said there's no reason to work out. He said Beth is the one he'll be with until he dies no matter what. That's unless she leaves him.
Howard said he doesn't want to get so old that he's a drag. He said he didn't know how it can get really horrible. He said that he met Beth when he was in his 40s. He said he didn't know he was going to be a mess in 20 years. He said he didn't trick her but he feels bad for her. He said when he's sick he's miserable. He said he's not sure who would want to live with him. He said his pants are clammy right now. He said he's not sure why anyone would want to be with him. He said he has this fear of turning into a mess.
Howard said he's kind of obsessed with Robin Williams doing himself in because he didn't want to be a burden to anyone. He said he was a brilliant comic and actor. He said what ended up happening to the guy. He said he killed himself because of what was happening to him. He said what a horror. He said what a disaster that is. He said he gets it though. He said he gets a cold and he's ready to jump out a window. He said he doesn't want to be a drag on anyone.
Howard said he wants to live forever with a reasonably good outlook. He said his father is 97 and nothing bothers him. He said he's had a couple of strokes and he's fine. He said he's having a great time. Robin said he thinks he is. Howard said he knows he is. He said no matter what happens he's so stoic. He said he doesn't care.
Robin said she was talking to Captain Dennis and he was talking about how you want to work out at 50 and then you fall off a cliff and you can't do what you want to. Howard said he's a mess after trying to work out. He said it's all a waste of time. He said it's stupid and ridiculous. He said life is hard. Robin said she told Dennis that she's not sure when she's going to lose another faculty. Howard said people say he's lucky that his parents have had a long life. He said he's not sure that's right. He said he's not sure what will be but he could end up a mess. He said they're going to out live him and that's his worst nightmare.
Howard said he watched American Idol a day late. He said he's annoyed by the show. He said they run that show the way they ran America's Got Talent. He said they do this thing on the show where the contestants come up and they're all nervous. He said they have a girl from Iowa or somewhere like that and they barely speak properly and she's really good but they do this thing where they make it sound like they're going to let the person down but then they tell them they're moving on to the next round. He said it's not even a good misdirect. He said they make it seem like they're not moving on but then they do. He said it's been done before. He said they keep doing it year after year. He said they have to stop it and do something else.
Howard said they have these stories on the show that are unbelievable. He said they have these horrible stories and it seems like no one can have a good voice if they don't have a horrible story. Howard said Lionel Ritchie is 71 and he can't be getting any joy out of that misdirect thing. Howard said they had a girl on who was so talented last year. He said she was living on a subway or something. He said she didn't have food or clothes and she looked fantastic by the end of the season. He said her name was Just Sam. He said that she was talented but so what. He said you never hear her name now. He said you don't hear her new music. Robin said she never hears that name. Howard said he might be back on the subway. Robin asked what happened to the record contract. Howard said no one makes money with that.
Howard said she was a talented girl. He said she was on American Idol so big deal. He said he thinks she's living with Benjy now. He did his Benjy impression for a second.
Robin said that Eric the Actor had a modeling contest where the winner was going to live whit him. Howard said he was going to put all of this attention on her and she'd have to live with him. He said he doesn't think he got one person to enter that contest. He said no one was willing to live in his house.
Howard said he has no idea where any of these American Idol winners are at now. He said he had their names written down because he can't pull them out of his head.
Howard said they do this thing on Idol where they tell someone they did great but they don't think they're ready yet... to go home so you're moving on to the next round.
Howard said he had to bail on that show early. He said on America's Got Talent they have it worse than on American Idol. He said they're not doing well on America's Got Talent. He said there are people on America's Got Talent who work in a circus. He asked when you last saw a circus? He said one year they had a guy who was balancing bowling balls on his head. He said just make the guy the winner and do something for him.
Robin asked where that guy is who had the entire theater stringed up to play. Howard said he's parking cars somewhere.
Howard said he remembers being back stage and having so much food that looked like a soup kitchen. He said it was depressing back there. He said then he has to fuck with them on stage. He said you have to tell them the opposite of what you're really going to say.
Robin said she walked back stage and saw a guy icing his balls because he gets kicked in the nuts. Howard said his name was Horse. He said that he wanted that guy to win. He said this guy Piff the Magic Dragon was great. He said his dragon outfit looked horrible. Robin said it was worse than Yucko's. Howard said they should have taken that water skiing squirrel and feed it to him.
Howard said they made you come up with your own lines to make the kids feel like they were going to be kicked off but then they move on. He said things came out awkwardly. He made up some lines that he could have used.
Howard said they still do that stuff on American Idol. He said Lionel didn't make sense doing it. He said it sounded really strange. He said it sounded like he was senile. Howard said the guy moves very well for a 71 year old. He said he doesn't have a wrinkle in his face. Robin said she's not sure what happened here. Howard said it doesn't look natural to him. Robin said you never know.
Howard said these kids are 16 years old and it's bordering on abusive. He said then the kids thank Mr. Ritchie. Robin said she thinks about America's Got Talent and how they're trying to get through Heidi Klum. Howard said she's very nice but he had trouble with her being a judge. He said she's a model and doesn't have any experience in judging. He said he'd zone out when she talked. He said that he wasn't seduced by her beauty. He said there was a point in his life when he would have fucked her brains out. He said that he doesn't know if she was attracted to him but she did say that she wanted to come into his room to learn to meditate. He said maybe she wanted to fuck.
Howard said he told Heidi that you can't learn meditation from him. He side he gave her a number for the Transcendental Meditation organization and told her to call that. He said she wanted him to teach her. Robin said it could have been a come on. Howard said he knows back in the day that he would have fucked her. He said he would be lucky to get a kiss from her never mind put his penis inside her. He said he looks like a bent over snail. He said he told her to call the meditation school. He said when he was on the prowl he would have told her that the first step is making out. He said then they get naked and put their genitals together.
Howard said he just thought that it would have been the talk of the whole set if that had gone down. Robin said they would have been all over the news. Howard said he's sure she'd want out of that relationship after the first time. He said she'd realize that he doesn't know how to use his cock.
Howard said he's glad he was in a relationship and he was able to appreciate it. He said it would have been complicated if that had happened. He said that he has flashbacks to that show like PTSD. He said that he was watching Idol and thinking about America's Got Talent.
Howard said they should have done it in a different way on American Idol. He said they don't have to make it sound like they don't have a shot at moving on. He said it doesn't make sense they way they do it. He said it's so wicked. He said they should have a revolt on that show. Robin said he must not have put much thought into it. Howard said he doesn't think that Lionel makes a lot of money on that show. He said one person makes all the money and the rest get lower numbers. He said Luke Bryan probably makes nothing. He said he's sure Katy Perry is getting $15-20 million. He said that Luke is lucky to be on the show. Howard said he knew that they had given him all the money on America's Got Talent and he heard someone was coming on board over there and he knew that wasn't happening because they didn't have any money to pay the guy. He said that's how these shows work. He said they get one credible name and Katy Perry is that one on American Idol.
Howard said he's looking at a headline about the pay over at Idol. He said it has to be off by about $10 million. He said they say Lionel is the third highest paid on that show at $10 million and Luke is $12 million.
Howard said when Mel B and Heidi heard that Howie had a plane they wanted to get on that. He said everyone was piled in there. He said that he had to take them and their kids with him on his plane. He said Howie said he felt bad and had to offer it to them.
Howard said Howie once told him a story about how he was flying in and Mel B showed up an hour late. He said he would have left if he was Howie. He said that his plane became like an Uber. He said Howie is a really nice guy and he told him he has to lay down the law and let them know that they have to show up on time. He said he thinks Heidi was on time. He said he thinks she knew enough. Howie didn't want to rock the boat.
Howard said he did Howie a favor and talked to Mel about showing up on time. He said she showed up on time after that. He said things worked out. He said he loves laying down the law. He said he laid it down for all of them one summer. He said he told them he didn't want to be there and he told them that he was out of there and he was going to begin taping at a certain time. He said he was going to leave at a certain time and everyone hopped to. He said that he shouldn't have to do that but he did.
Howard said he's always the prick but he was honest. He said he doesn't want to spend his whole life at America's Got Talent. He said he wanted to get in and out of there.
Robin said they had one category on American Idol and she figured none of them were going to make it. She said it was Alternative or Folk or something. She said they were singing songs in a way you've never heard a person sing. She said it was just a couple of weeks ago. She said it was horrible. Howard said he doesn't remember that.
Howard said it's so demoralizing the way they do things on that show. Robin said the way they had it set up they had to walk past the judges to walk out the door to get home. Howard said the way people lose is generally nice. He said apparently they don't have that much to do. He said it's like Medicated Pete who never wanted to go home.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he just hired John Tizzy to perform at his engagement party. He said that he was on the season that Howard was on with Sharon. He said he's a comedian and ventriloquist. He said he was actually pretty funny. He said that he hired him for a party for $600. Howard said that's great. He said it's show business and it's better than nothing. The caller said the guy was really funny. Howard said the guy is killing it for $600. He said show business is rough.
Howard said he doesn't remember who won America's Got Talent when he was there. He said that's how relevant it was. He said he remembers a dog act one year. He said that's all he remembers. Robin said he had a bunch of dogs. She wondered if they all live in the same room.
Howard said he remembers his friend Pat told him he went to Rhode Island and he saw the dogs performing at a carnival. He said it's not like your world changes when you win America's Got Talent. He said American Idol hasn't changed anyone's life in a long time. He said it did for Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood and a couple of others but that's it. He said they had an impact early on. He said now they don't.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard is the only one who never needed America's Got Talent. He said Howie needs that show. He said when Howard got off he stopped watching. Howard said he had negotiating powers because he didn't need the job. He said it was great because they flew in and had a meeting with him and said they think he'd be a good judge. Howard said they had a meeting with his agent and they offered him some low number. He said that he wasn't going to do it for that. He said he wanted to make some good money. He said they waited a couple of months trying to wear him down. He said they thought they could wear him down but that didn't happen. He said he never called them back. He said they came back and had a better offer but it was still shitty. He said he told them to knock it off. He said then they came back with a real offer.
The caller said that they're trying to get younger people to watch and no one knows who Lionel Ritchie is. Howard said the guy has a lot of talent. He said he has written some of the biggest songs in the country. The caller asked why Howard would surround himself by putting himself in that group. He said the people who don't like Howard are going to look at him like he needs that gig. Howard said he didn't put that much thought into it. He said he thought it would be funny to be on that show.
Howard said he doesn't even need to do what he's doing right now. He said this is what he does so he's doing it. He wondered why he is doing it.
Howard said someone told him that in his last season the winner was a British ventriloquist and he has no idea who that was. He said it's all meaningless. He said people are going around beating up Asian people and we're worried about these shows. He said it's all meaningless.
Robin wondered who it is that goes around killing Asian people because they hear that this virus came from an Asian country. Howard said that's what happens when you have a president going around saying it's the ''Hong Kong Flu.'' He said that's why he appreciates this Biden so much. He said that he didn't do jokes about the flu or anything like that. He said he doesn't want jokes from the President and no attacks on his fellow senators. He said he just wants a report like a CEO of a company. He said he's talking about what we've done and where we're going. He said boring is the new exciting.
Howard said Trump dropped by a wedding at Mar-A-Lago and he's making appearances now. He said he's happy about that. He said go speak wherever you want. He said there was a film of Trump showing up at this wedding and he started rambling on about Biden and how bad the country is doing now that he's gone. He said just get up there and say how exciting the wedding is and give some marriage advice. He said he's been married a bunch of times. He said Trump is insane. He had some audio of Trump going on and on with his talk about the border and China and all of that.
Howard said Trump has no idea what's going on with Iran. He said he's at a wedding doing all of this. He said it's like a drunk Best Man speech. He did his impression of Trump rambling on and not making sense. Howard said he's doing this at a wedding where they're 10 minutes away from doing the Electric Slide. Howard played more of his speech where Trump was going on and on about how horribly things are going at the border. Howard said he'd pull him off stage with a giant cane if this was his wedding.
Howard said they say that it took over 400 words before he acknowledged the bride and groom at this wedding. He said the sad thing is that he would be good at a wedding if he was talking like Ronnie. He said he could rate the bride and give advice on sticking a tongue up her asshole. He said if he was being Trump it would be fun. He said he could rate the bridesmaids. He said that's what he would be good at.
Howard said Trump should let it all go and talk about grabbing pussy. Robin said he should go back to being the great Donald Trump. Howard said he should tell everyone that anything is possible in marriage.
Howard said there's a web site where you can book Trump. He said maybe they should book him. Robin said she can't play well with assholes who try to destroy her country. Howard said they won't book him then. Robin said she used to play with him under protest but not anymore.
Howard said he found it odd that they did the interview here they did. He said you don't want to hear people complaining about life when they're in that setting. He said it was the nicest place in the world and they were complaining. He said that Sharon was worked up over the whole thing and said that Piers isn't racist and Sheryl got upset with her over that. He said after that he's not sure what happened. Robin said Sharon came on and said she didn't think that Piers was racist. She said they have a morning meeting on the show and they go over what they're going to talk about. She said Sharon was not let in on what was going to happen on a portion of the show. Howard said they ganged up on her. Robin said she says she was set up by CBS. She said she hadn't prepared herself and she offended everyone.
Howard said the show is called The Talk but you better not say too much. Robin said Julie Chen had something to talk about and she had to leave the show. Howard said she took herself off the show but that's when she should have been on the show. He said she left when people finally wanted to hear from her.
Howard said they should call the show The Small Talk. He said they don't really talk about anything but polite stuff. He said when you talk people do get into arguments. He said he thinks they made a real blunder with that. Robin said the thing she said that offended everyone was that she told them not to cry. She said she said that to Sheryl. Robin said she had cried before and Sharon told her not to cry again. She said then the show went off the air.
Howard said the show was off the air for a month. He said they're going to pay Sharon $10 million. He said they have more or less ruined her career so they should pay her. He said she can't go on any shows anymore. He said that's weird to him. He said he likes Sharon. He said that no one on that show is as interesting as Sharon.
Howard said they're going to bring the show back and they won't talk about Sharon. He said that's why the show sucks. He said they'll make a statement that's very vague. He said then they'll move on to some other bullshit.
Robin said she was watching some newscast and people were talking about Sharon and being insensitive about it. She said one of the commentators said something about Leah Remini but said her name wrong.
Howard asked Jon how the ratings were on that show. Jon said they're not that great. He said the show is coming back on April 12th and that will be over a month since it went off the air. He said CBS released a statement and it's just like what Howard said it would be. He read the statement to Howard.
Howard wondered what this ''listening sessions'' is in the statement. Jon said it's nothing. Howard said America is great. He said in order to fix this problem they have ''listening sessions.'' He said he's been listening to things his whole life and he's no better off. He said they must bring in an expert to listen or something. Jon read more of the statement. Howard said it sounds like they have it under control. He said they're going to settle everything now. He said it's all so stupid. Robin said we live in the dumbest time in humanity. Howard said people see things differently than you do and you have to accept that. He said the healthiest thing would have been to have a show the next day and talk about all of that. He said call him crazy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was wondering if Dr. Agus would do an Agus Hour on Howard 101. He said he'd like to get an update on COVID. Howard said he talked to Dr. Agus yesterday about the vaccine and what you can and can't do after being vaccinated. He said it was such clarity he gave him. He said that would have been good on the air. He said he doesn't want to repeat stuff because he gets it wrong but he will have him back on. He said it was really good the way he put it. He said Dr. Agus calmed him down about being sick. He said he was told he can't have COVID and he's probably sick from just going out of the house after so long. Howard said he also told him that he thinks he's dying and has a blood disorder and Agus told him he doesn't. Howard said he has to take a break. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said this is Sheryl Crow with The Chicks. He said they used to be The Dixie Chicks but now it's just The Chicks. He sang along with the song a bit.
Howard said he had no idea what this song was about. Robin had just explained it to him. Howard said that's fucked up and sad. Robin said it's a sad song. Howard said he had no idea it was a sad song. He said this was live in Central Park.
Howard said tomorrow they have Bob Odenkirk coming on. He said he's anxious to talk to him. He said that he's on Better Call Saul and he has a new movie that's amazing. He said Bob is better than Keanu Reeves in this action movie. He said he's really good. Howard let out a belch. Robin asked where that came from. Howard said he's waiting to feel better. He said he hadn't made doody in 2 days and thought that would make him feel better. He said he figured his body was all fucked up and he'd shit out all the evil. He said the bowl was full after 2 days. Robin sounded grossed out. Howard said he thought he'd get better after that but he was still sick. Robin said there's probably more to come out. Howard said he's got all of these theories.
Howard said the movie that Bob Odenkirk is in is called ''Nobody'' and he'd recommend it to everyone. He said it's a great movie. He said the guy is like Superman.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call and he'll get into some other stuff. He said this call is so stupid. He said it's a great call but it's so stupid. He said they called a radio show and Chris does good impressions of old people. He said he plays both old people in the call. He said they're living in an old age home and they got vaccinated so they're fucking. He said they end up calling a radio show.
Howard played the call where the old people called in and talked about getting their vaccines and now they're fucking. Chris did both voices for the old man and old lady. They said they're fucking like rabbits now. They talked about trying a gerbil up the ass and it's still in there. The radio show had questions about it all and didn't hang up on them. He stuck through them shitting out the gerbil and all of that. The host eventually let them go and one of the other people on the show wondered about why the gerbil.
Howard said that Sharon Osbourne is going to join that show now. He said that Chris was doing all the voices like Eddie Murphy. Robin said he was able to pull it off. Howard said good job to Chris. He said he does a lot of funny voices. He said they had a zoom party and he was making him laugh. He said that was the Christmas party. Robin said she doesn't think she ended up in a room with Chris that day. Howard said it was just silliness.
Howard said this caller is like Ronnie Jr. Howard asked him to get off of speaker phone. Blaine, Dave, got off speaker but it sounded the same. Howard said it sounds the same to him. He said it's weird sounding. He said you know this guy is a tough guy. He said if you go to bachelor parties and you're in charge of the girls you have to be an animal yourself. He asked how tough this guy is. Blaine said he did that and he wants to speak to Ronnie. Howard asked if he can kick ass. Blaine said he can. Howard asked if he has beaten guys up. Blaine said he has. He said he was the first guy to see who they hired. He said he wants to talk to Ronnie about all of that.
Howard asked how old he is. The guy said he's 48. Robin said he wants to go tip for tip with Ronnie but it was the girls who were working on him. Howard said this is the weird thing. He said if he's running a service and he has this guy doing the protection on the girls he doesn't think he'd want him doing stuff with them. Blaine said he was told what to do by his bosses. He said they were serious people.
Howard said no one gets fucked with in this guy's life. He said he must fuck people up. Blaine said he won't say anything about that. Howard said this is a real tough guy. He said that he's probably been in 500 fights. He said that's like your 10,000 hours. He said this guy will kick your ass. Blaine said he has never lost a fight. Howard said he's guessing he started around the age of 9. Blaine said he won't get into it all.
Howard said if he was a mob guy and he had girls working for him... Blaine said he never said he worked for the mob. Howard said he's not saying he did. He said he's just talking about finding a guy who can protect his investment. He said he'd find a guy like this who can keep everything going. Howard asked how tall he is. Blaine said he's 6 foot. He said he's 225 pounds. Howard said he's probably ripped. He said he could beat the shit out of you. Howard asked if he knows Karate. Blaine said he trained in MMA. Howard said this is a tough guy. He said he knows Brazilian and Mui Thai stuff.
Howard asked Blaine if the girls were hot. He said they are. Howard asked if they feel close to him because he's their protector. Blaine said they do. He said it all happened. He said put him on a lie detector test. Howard asked if he just fucks. Blaine said you have to be there to take girls to certain locations and you stay out there and wait. He said if they go past the time you break the door down if you have to. Howard said some of the girls must be there to just fuck. Blaine said that if they don't call him he knows he has to break a door down. Howard asked how many times he had to break a door down. Blaine said not that many times. He said it was usually CEOs and sports guys who had the escorts. He said it wasn't cheap to get them. Howard said they're basically hookers. He asked what kind of money they can make doing that. He asked what a date cost. Blaine said they could get $500 an hour. He said you take their money and give it to the head guy and he'd get a cut of it. He said the girls were safe. He said no one would mess with the girls.
Howard asked if the guys know that he's waiting out there. Blaine said his car never left the parking lot. Howard said that would be creepy knowing he was out there. Blaine said their safety was the first priority. He said that he would go up if they went over their time. Howard asked how long you wait. He said 5 minutes. He said if they don't call back he knows they're in trouble.
Howard asked the caller when he had to break down the door. He asked what was happening. The caller said if someone was late. Howard asked what he saw when he broke it down. He said sometimes you'd get a freak who was way past their time. He said he'd have to knock the shit out of them. Howard said he'd shit his pants after that. Blaine said if Howard was there he'd let him do whatever. He said he'd let him go.
Howard asked Blaine about testing the girls and what would make them bad. Blaine said that he'd just tell them they weren't good enough. Howard asked what it was that made them bad. He said it could be smell or something like that. He said it could be no enthusiasm. Robin had suggested that. Howard asked if he ever flunked a girl for having an ugly vagina. Blaine said he would do that. Howard said he's talking about the look down there like too much meat. Blaine said he's been through that so many times. He said some guys like that. He said it's about getting the customers.
Howard said if he was in change of that he'd do it like American Idol and do the misdirect. Blaine said that he's had to do that many times.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone named Shane who says he's even tougher than Blaine. He took the call and one of the guys was doing an impression of Blaine talking about how he'd kick his ass. They went back and forth with this low, monotone voice.
Howard asked Blaine about firing a girl for not being good in bed it must be devastating. Blaine said they get a lot of small town girls who have never done this before. He said he feels sorry for them at times. He said that must just be him. Howard said he's a softie. Blaine said that he worked at a place that the girls never got a second chance. Howard said he has the feeling that when they got fired they disappeared.
Blaine said that he's not doing this anymore. He said he had to retire. He said he was working with some bad people. Howard asked what happened. Blaine said he got in deep and he had to get out. He said that he had kids and everything and he had to get out. Howard asked how he makes a living now. Blaine said he lives a double life. He said he makes over six figures now. Howard said he was bringing in a nice paycheck. Blaine said he was. He said once he got in too deep with certain organizations you just know you have to do your job. He said he did that for the people he worked with. He said he can't mention their names at all. Howard said don't you dare. He said they don't want to know their names.
Howard said all he's saying is that he doesn't know anyone in any organization and he doesn't want to know. He said he has all the respect for people. He said he's not going to say anything.
Robin asked how he got out. Blaine said he just said his time was up and he had to go back to his job and family. Howard said he had a dream job where he was banging chicks and testing them out for the boss. He said if Howard saw these women he'd be drooling. Howard asked why the women don't get a wealthy husband instead of doing a job like that. Blaine said he's not sure. He said he just knows that he'd meet them at the bus station downtown and pick them up. He said they were from small towns and wanted to make some money. He said they made a lot of money. He said $10,000 a week isn't a bad gig.
Howard asked if the girls ever confided that they were upset about the guys who they were fucking. Blaine said they did. He said one girl who he dated was telling him that it was disgusting and she had to throw up. He said she did what she had to do. He said these women were 10s. He said they were smoking hot. He said he had to get out because of that.
Howard asked if they were like Michelle Pfeiffer 10s. Blaine said they were. He said he had to get out of it. Robin asked if he misses it. Blaine said he doesn't care now.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone named Dane who says he's tougher than Blaine. Blaine said he knows what he's doing here. Howard got Dane on and they had another staffer doing an impression of Blaine and talking tough with him. Blaine told him to go back to his boyfriend. Howard said he's sure that he'd cry his eyes out of he had to fight Blaine. Dane was a tough talker but Blaine didn't seem to think he was that tough. He said that was probably one of his actors doing that. Howard said he's probably right. Howard said all of the guys there are all tough on the phone.
Howard said if Blaine wants to talk to Ronnie he'll put him on. Blaine said he's on Ronnie's side. He said he's not on Apples or Bobo's side. He said he's on Ronnie's side. Howard got Ronnie on and let the two of them talk. Blaine said he's on his side. Ronnie said he appreciates that.
Howard said this guy seems to be like a bother from another mother. Howard said he's not sure what he wants to talk about. Blaine said maybe pussy techniques. Ronnie said okay. Blaine said that he wants to talk about what he does and what Ronnie does. Howard asked what Blaine would do if he had a Dry Lisa kind of situation. Blaine said he agrees with him about the pussy but not the ass stuff. He said he would suck the clit until she can't stand it anymore. Ronnie said a lot of girls don't like that. He said they don't like when you suck on their clit. He said they like when you put your thumb on it and go around it gently.
Ronnie said that the girls this guy was with were getting paid to do something so they just waned to get out. Blaine said he has the wrong impression. He said he's a straight up guy and he would do everything with them but with more texture. Ronnie asked what the texture was. Blaine disappeared. Howard said maybe he insulted him. Howard asked if Blaine is there. He wasn't answering. Ronnie said he's not sure why this guy would call in and talk about all of this. Howard said maybe his bosses heard him on the phone and took care of him. Ronnie said he's not sure why he would give out that much information. He said it kind of spooked him. He said he has a pretty recognizable voice. Howard said he hopes he's okay. He said he hopes he's not getting fitted for cement shoes. He said if he's out there he thanks him for calling in. He said the way he disappeared was kind of weird. Howard said some guy is probably giving him a talking to.
Fred had The Godfather theme playing and Howard was doing his Godfather impression talking to Blaine. Ronnie said he has a family and kid too. He said he's not sure how he's out there doing all of this. Robin said he said he was living a double life.
Howard said he thinks that Dane is still available to talk. He said he says he's even tougher than Blaine. Ronnie asked if he sucks the clit like Blaine. Howard said that was getting good. He said that was getting good until his phone went dead. He said that he was afraid that Blaine was going to get upset with Ronnie when he brought up the clit sucking thing.
Howard said he has an associate of Blaine's on the phone to explain where he went. Howard took the call and a guy said everything they heard never happened if you know what he means. He said Blaine is taking a little bit of a vacation. He said he could talk to Ronnie but Blaine is doing real well. Howard said this show is so fucked up. He said he hopes Blaine is okay. Robin said he retired. Howard said this guy guarantees that he's okay. The caller said Blaine is taking a little vacation, that's all. Howard let that guy go and said that was Blaine's associate.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they can get Blaine to go kick Ralph's ass. Howard said he's not interested in that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this guy doesn't get any pussy. He said he might have gotten an Ice Road Trucker or something but that's it. He said this guy isn't getting any pussy and he doubts that he can fight. Howard said he sounded pretty convincing to him. He said the stories he told sounded real to him. He said this guy doesn't believe it. The caller said he has heard it all. He said he works security at the projects and he's heard it all. Ronnie said you don't call in and brag about that stuff. He said you keep it quiet. Howard said maybe after all these years he didn't get to talk about it and now he has the chance to. Ronnie said he was saying that he never really hurt anyone but he said he beat the shit out of people. Howard said maybe he meant that he never killed anyone. He said that's how these guys think.
Howard asked Ronnie if he can imagine that was his job. He said that would be wild. The caller asked where you put in an application for that. Robin said maybe Zip Recruiter is the place.
Howard took a call from Apples who said he would like to apologize to Ronnie and his new friend Blaine. He said he feels like he's overstepped his bounds. Howard asked what the fuck he's talking about. He hung up on Apples. Howard said that guy Blaine was not a friend of Apples. Ronnie said not at all. He said he doesn't have very many fans.
Howard said there you go. He said that was a crazy phone call. He said he's not sure what happened to Blaine.
Howard said he got a lot of feedback about Ronnie in the fan mail. He said he was on the show yesterday. He said a lot of people had an issue with Ronnie telling the therapist that she was hot. Ronnie said she said she was flattered. Howard said she said it was flattering but she was uncomfortable. Ronnie said he heard that.
Howard said Blaine is back. He asked what happened. Blaine said he has on idea he just got cut off. Blaine said he was just calling in to stick up for Ronnie. Ronnie said he gets that but he doesn't get why he'd be talking about all of this stuff on the air. He said he has a pretty recognizable voice. He said he's just saying that he doesn't get it. He said usually you keep that stuff to yourself. Blaine said he was telling old stories.
Howard asked Blaine what he was talking about with the texture thing earlier. Blaine said that he got cut off around that time. He said that he likes texture. He said he likes to do the clit thing. Ronnie said he likes to see what the person is into. He said he explores different things. Howard said he knows that they're all men here but he doesn't get the asshole licking thing. Blaine said sometimes girls like that. Howard said he doesn't care about that. He said he's not going back there. Ronnie said you make sure that they're clean. Howard asked how far up you stick your asshole. Ronnie said he keeps going as long as they're moaning about it. Blaine said he understands that.
Howard asked how you inspect an asshole. Blaine said it's just from a look. Robin asked if you use a flashlight. Blaine said you can see it for yourself. He said it's not rocket science. He said he'd do a taste test down there. He said if there's a smell he's out of there.
Ronnie asked where the foreplay is. Blaine told Ronnie what he does down there. Ronnie said that sounds about right. He said you have to work the asshole thing in there. Blaine said they have to ask for it. Ronnie said he doesn't wait for anyone to ask for anything. He said he explores to see what they're into. Howard said Robin isn't going to ask for her asshole to be eaten. Ronnie said he'd have her on her stomach and he'll start snuggling up to them and he'll work into that to see if they're going to be into it. Robin said he's like an ass whisperer.
Fred did his Ronnie Puppet voice and did some dirty talking. Howard said Ronnie is saying there are some differences between them. Ronnie said he's nothing like Blaine. He said he's doing things differently. He said you can tell if a girl is enjoying something or not. He said you know when to stop if she's not and to move on to something else.
Howard asked if he has ever stuck his tongue in a woman's ass and she freaked out so he had to stop. Ronnie said never. Howard said he has already read the situation then. Ronnie said that they moan and some girls will open their ass even further for you so you can get in deeper. Ronnie said sometimes they get on their knees so you get better access. He said she'll spread her asshole open for you. He said that's how you know she's enjoying it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that this is a horror show... help! She said it's 9:37 and a horror show. She said she's not turned on by this and please call the police. Howard said that's just one person.
Howard asked Blaine what he thinks about what Ronnie just said. He said he seems to know what he's talking about. Blaine said they don't all like that.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said this guy is kind of a fucking creep and he's with that last caller. He said this is all pretty creepy. Blaine told him to fuck off. Ralph said that this guy is almost a rapist. He said the girls had to fuck him to get work. Blaine told him never to say that to him again. Robin said she knows that this party is over now. Howard said they were just starting to get into it. Blaine said he never sleeps on the street.
Howard said both of these guys are sexual. Blaine said he doesn't need Ralph coming in and shooting his mouth off. Howard said he'd never do that to Blaine. He said he's not interested in doing that.
Robin wondered if Blaine is as sexual as Ronnie is. Blaine said he is with one woman now and he's having sex every couple of days. Howard said Ronnie fucks every day. Ronnie said not quite but he would if he could. Howard said Ronnie has tremendous libido. Blaine said he never said he was done. Howard asked Blaine to call back some day. He said it was interesting to hear him sharing his tips. Blaine said he thinks Robin is beautiful and he'd do better than Lenny Dykstra. Robin said that's a low bar.
Howard said that he has Caine on the phone and he wants to talk about what he's up to. He had another guy doing a Blaine impression and talking about sex stuff and eating ass. He had some shitting sounds plying as he did that. Howard let Caine go and then let Blaine go a short time later.
Howard said there's a lot going on out there and he's not sure he wants to know about that stuff. Robin said they got a view into world they don't know about.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said this guy Blaine is a creepy bastard. Howard said that's not him talking, that's High Pitch Erik. Erik said that was creepy. Howard protected him by hanging up on him.
Howard said he doesn't think that he'd say that to a therapist. Ronnie said he was just being honest. He said it was at the end of the session. He said he just answered her question and he's not going to lie to her. Robin said he didn't have to volunteer that information. Ronnie said she did ask why he felt so comfortable. He said that's why it was and he's not sure why that's a problem. He said he was honest.
Howard played the clip where the therapist said he was very honest and Ronnie said that part of it could be that she's very attractive. He said he's not sure why but he felt comfortable with her.
Howard said he could have said that it was her skills as a therapist that made him relaxed. Ronnie said it was everything. He said it was the way she asked questions and her looks. Howard did his impression of Ronnie being creepy with her. Ronnie said he never got creepy with her during the session. Howard said they can hear her shuffling in her purse for mace.
Howard said Apples called in during Ronnie's segment and the fans didn't like it. He said the fans really don't like Apples. Howard read some feedback about that. Howard said a lot of people seem to side with Ronnie on that.
Howard said the fans enjoyed the ''ask Ronnie'' segment they did. He said they wrote in about that. He said if you have more questions for him then write in. Howard said Ronnie is having a hard time during COVID and he heard he doesn't sleep more than an hour at a time. Ronnie said it depends on the night. He said he tries just laying there when he wakes up but he can't get back to sleep. He said the next thing he knows it's 3:30 in the morning and he's up again.
Howard said he lays there and he will fall asleep. He said that's what his mother taught him to do. He said he does fall back asleep. Ronnie said it can be very trying. He said that your brain goes crazy sometimes. He said that things go through his head and he thinks about things he has to do and wants to do and his brain eventually goes back to sleep.
Howard said Ronnie feels overwhelmed right now. Ronnie said it's about moving and selling the house and all of that. He said he'll be fine. He said the whole process of selling the house and packing up and moving isn't easy. He said he's moving across the country.
Howard said he has some notes about Ronnie's stress and what he's going to do with the show. Ronnie said he'd love to stay on and do something with the show. He said he has a whole setup that he can move to the new house. He said that's not a problem. He said it's everything else.
Howard said he has a note saying that Ronnie feels that his life should be more joyous. Ronnie said he never said that. Jason said he wrote that note and he may have misread the situation. Ronnie said he's happy about what's going on and he can't wait for it to be done. Jason said he's the idiot there and Howard shouldn't feel that he was the wrong one there.
Howard asked Jason how much weight he's lost. Jason said 34 pounds. He said that this is the worst time of day for him. He said he gets hungry now. Howard asked Jason about what he had for dinner. He told Howard about his Nutrisystem meal that he had last night. He said it's good food but it's just boring. Howard said that was a lot more exciting than anything he eats.
Howard asked about what he had for breakfast. Jason went through all of that and said that he gets to have a snack in 35 minutes. He said that he has a whole snack counter that he can pick from. He said they have all kinds of stuff that he can choose from. He said you have to understand what he left behind. He said he made a whole chicken last night but he didn't eat the whole thing like he would have in the past. He said he had to cut off 4 ounces for himself. He said he was weighing it on the scale. Howard asked if he ever cheats. Jason said he never goes over the limit of what the diet tells him. Howard said he should weight about 7 pounds right now based on this story. He said he's surprised he hasn't lost more. Jason said he agrees. He said he should weigh 50 pounds right now. He said he also got a Hydrow. Howard said Beth works out with that every day and loves it. Jason said he likes it too.
Howard thanked Jason for the update. He said they got an update on him. He said they have to keep going with the fan questions for Ronnie. He said Ronnie likes doing that. He said his expertise seems to be sticking his tongue up someone's asshole. He said that he does have a younger woman in his life and he must be keeping someone happy.
Howard said he has the newest installment of Ask Ronnie. He played that bit where Ronnie was asked by a virgin about how good it feels to have sex and if it will hurt the first time. Ronnie gave his thoughts on that. He said that he's been watching porn and it seems like the girls in porn are in pain when they're getting fucked.
Howard said he studies porn like it's game film. He did his impression of Ronnie talking about that and asked if you can imagine him taking notes about that. Ronnie said it's kind of scary to watch this stuff. He said that the girls are screaming and crying and it looks like they're in pain. He said he doesn't think they're enjoying it. He said they're doing a job that they may not enjoy. Howard said he's feeling good that he doesn't have a big penis and he's not hurting anyone with it.
Howard let Ronnie go and said that he and Robin got some email about the bagpipe discussion they had. He said he played a game with Robin about the bagpipe thing. He said many listeners wrote in about songs that use bagpipes. He said there are some good songs that use them. He said there's Paul McCartney and AC/DC who have used them. He said they're good songs. He played a couple of those songs. Howard said they're still a little irritating. Howard said there are some songs that use them effectively. He played some Korn ''Shoots and Ladders'' too.
Howard said Bobo was on yesterday and they talked about his ridiculous goatee. He said they got a lot of feedback about that. He read through some of that negativity.
Jeff said he got his shot on Sunday. It was his second shot. Howard said he really has no idea what he's talking about. Jeff said he doesn't speak that bad, come on. Howard said he heard that. He thanked him for the call. He said he's glad he's safe with the shot and all of that. Jeff told him to have a happy Easter.
Jeff said that people tell him that he goes on Instagram and people ask why he doesn't call in. He said he calls in every day. He said he tells them that. Howard asked what he was talking about. Jeff said he just wants people to know he calls in every day. Howard said that's right, he calls in every day and they can't get to him every day. He said his big topic is the same thing every time he does get on. He said he complains about not being on the show. Jeff said he hangs up on him every time. Jeff said he used to be a big part of the show and now he's not. He said it's bullshit.
Howard said he picked up the phone today and talked to him about his shot. He said then he says that he's calking the show every day. Howard said it's the same call every fucking time about not getting enough time. Robin said he has nothing to talk about when he does call in. Howard said they don't need an update on him having nothing going on in his life. Robin asked what they're supposed to do with that. Jeff said he got his house painted. Robin said this is what you call your neighbor about, not a radio show.
Howard said Jeff was claiming that he got a hand job from a woman in the hospital after his car accident. He said he claims she jerked him off when he had a catheter in. Jeff said it happened when he was 18. Howard said at least something happened. He said he had a story there that he didn't tell on the air. Howard said he doesn't care when it happened. Howard said he feels bad because he seems to be a sweet guy. He said he feels bad for him. He said he's trying to work with the guy.
Howard asked Jeff which arm they gave him his shot in. Jeff said it was in his good arm. Howard said he'd think they'd put it in the dead arm. Jeff said it was his good arm and he didn't feel any pain. Howard said that's good to hear. Robin asked which one he got. Jeff said he got Pfizer. Howard said that was a successful call.
Howard said it's enough show today. He said he's worn out. Robin thanked him for soldiering through it. Howard said he was going to take a sick day but his job doesn't work like that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked why he doesn't have sick days. Howard said he sets his schedule but then it throws things off so he's rather just come into work and do the show. Mariann said that he's a trooper. She said that Howard did America's Got Talent and he made the fans feel great when he showed up to do that. She gave the names of the people who won when he was there and Howard hung up on her. He said that he's been informed that the show is over. He did a live commercial read after that. They ended the show around 10:20am.
Howard started the show talking about the pandemic and how a lot of broadcasts are getting fucked up with technical difficulties. He said he's been having medical difficulties himself. He said Robin is giggling at his problems. He said he never laughed at her's. He said it's kind of offensive. Robin asked for him to accept her apologies. Howard said he may have to throw her off the show like Sharon Osbourne. Robin said she has no defense. Howard said if they did that on this show they'd have no one left. He said he'd be gone. Howard said they created a show called The Talk and they don't let people talk.
Howard said he has some clips to play. He said the people who have the hardest time are the news programs. Robin said one of these guys who does the news was walking around in his house without pants on. She said he only dressed the top of himself. She wondered who would do that.
Howard said people think they can work from home and get away with stuff like that. He said it's not like putting on pants is such an effort. He said even he was getting dressed and he has some nice jeans for work. He said when he's not on the air he wears jeans that are big and baggy and Beth hates them. He said he wears them around the house though. He said even today he was going to wear those bad jeans and something nice on top. Robin said he'd still have pants. Howard said it never occurred to him to not wear pants. He said they would see his penis and ass if he didn't wear pants. He said you don't take that chance when there's a camera on.
Robin said you think this guy is really intelligent but then this happens and you don't want to get your news from him.
Howard said this guy Craig Melvin threw it to this guy Ken Delianian. He said he lost connection with the control room and this is what happened. Howard played the clip and when Craig threw it to Ken he said ''shit... fuck...'' and got cut off. Howard said the anchor guy just said he thinks they lost him there. Howard said he didn't lose him, they could hear him very clearly say shit and fuck.
Howard said later that day Ken said he had hung up on the control room and didn't know his microphone was on. Howard said that's not a good explanation. Howard said he didn't hang up on anyone.
Howard said Greg Gutfeld didn't know they were back from break and he stated singing about how he had to use the bathroom. Howard played that clip next. Greg had no idea he was on the air and sang about how he had to pee.
Howard said he should have said something non-FOX News. He said that would have been interesting. He said he could have said something nice about immigrants or Trans people.
Howard said George Takei went on CNN and he was upset about the anti-Asian violence. He said he's been through the worst of it in his life. He said he got on CNN and every time he got into it something kept buzzing during the interview. Howard said he felt bad for George because he wants to be taken seriously. He said this buzz just cuts him off. Howard said at one point he asked for Brad to come help fix it. Howard played the clip and George would start talking and then this deep buzz cuts into his talking. Howard said he thinks it was so boring that CNN started playing sounds. Howard played more of the clip and the buzz kept interrupting George. He kept apologizing and the host said it was fine.
Howard said he bets they never went back to him. He said they were probably like ''fuck this.'' Howard said poor Brad had to try to fix it. He said he probably walked in half naked from Sunday's activities. Howard said George had a big moment and that happens to him. Fred played some buzzing sounds as Howard was doing his George impression. Howard had George talking about wrestling with Brad and things like that. He had him telling the host about how that works.
Howard said people are so stupid that they don't know they're muted on Zoom. He had some audio of people telling others that they're muted. He played a montage of people being told they're on mute and have to unmute.
Howard said they're dummies. He said you have to practice. Robin said they don't know any better. Howard said everyone is like their grandmother and doesn't know how to work this thing. He said he takes a Zoom class for different things like art. He said there are always people who don't know how to use it. He said they hold up class by not knowing. He said they think they don't have the same things on Zoom as others do. He said no one has time for this shit.
Robin said she's had meetings where people don't know how to use other platforms. She said she's one of those people. Howard said he's had that happen too.
Howard said this woman has a feature on a news program in Kansas City. He said she's the meteorologist. He said they have ''Caturday Night Forecast'' and she features people who send in pictures of their cats. He said someone sent in a picture of a cat named ''Kitler.'' He said you can see where this is going. He said the cat has a Hitler moustache. He said if you're on a TV station you have to know that's not for TV. He said this got through the producer and even the woman who did the bit. He said that she was saying the cat had a Charlie Chaplain moustache. He said this is the best fuck up ever. Howard played the clip of this woman talking about Kitler the cat. Howard said she's an idiot. He said the phones lit up immediately after that. He said it wasn't Charlie Chaplain but Kitler. He said about 5 minutes later the cat was adopted by Mel Gibson.
Howard said that woman got on the air the next day and apologized. He said she was probably wondering why she has to do that when she's the meteorologist in Kansas City. He said this woman probably wants to be a reporter but she can't even figure out this Kitler thing. Howard played the clip and she sounded bummed out before she got to the apology. In the clip the woman said she didn't mean to offend anyone with that picture and she's deeply sorry. She said she will make sure that doesn't happen again.
Howard said that happened a little read right off the teleprompter. He said there could be a movie in this. He said they should send in a picture of Harvey Meowstein. He said get a big fat cat or send in a Bill Clawsby. He said they should do it. Robin said she won't catch on. Howard said they'll send in a Meowsolini cat picture. He said how about Kitty Sandusky or Kitty Jong Un. He said he'd love to know the back story for that whole thing. Robin said she was very happy through her weather forecast but then something must have gone on after the forecast. Howard said they probably told her what an idiot she was. Howard said this woman probably thought she didn't do anything wrong. He said those were some clips of the technical difficulties during the pandemic.
Howard said he's going to talk to Bob Odenkirk later in the show. He did a live commercial read quickly.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Blaine was a phony. He said he works in security and you don't talk about that stuff if you do that. He said he's never talked about that stuff. He said he thinks that guy just wanted to talk about women. Howard said he thinks that the guy was just being open with him and not everyone has the same code. He said that he felt like it was real stuff.
The caller, Joe, said he works with a lot of women in the night club industry but if he had any of his guys trying to hook up with the women he'd have a problem with it. He said he hasn't met a lot of tough guys from Canada either. Howard asked if Joe knows a lot of martial arts. Joe said he does. He said he doesn't brag about it though. He said he has had people ask him about what he has done and he doesn't talk about it.
Howard said he feels like his life would have been a lot better off if he could have handled himself. He asked when he started learning Karate stuff. Joe said he had a lot of older brothers and he had to learn it pretty young. He said it just kind of came to him. He said most of it is just talking. He said you can talk your way out of a situation. Howard said that's not what he's interested in. He said he has to go. He let Joe go after that.
Howard said if he had someone to teach him how to fight he would have learned how to defend himself. He said he would have sucked in the beginning but he could have taken classes. Robin said he would have been like Daniel-san. Howard said he's convinced that guy is no good at Karate. He said he even walks funny. He said he needs walking lessons. He said he doesn't believe that he can beat up that guy in the Karate tournament. He said there's no way that happened in The Karate Kid. He said he beat up Johnny. He said Johnny looks like he could have knocked him out by breathing on him. He said Johnny should have walked into the ocean after being beaten by that guy.
Howard said he could have learned to defend himself and gotten through high school. He said maybe his whole life would have been different. He said that or tougher guys would have come and beaten him up.
Howard wondered if Ralph Macchio ever learned karate at all. Robin said she's not sure but maybe they switched to a stunt guy when they did those scenes. Robins said that he never built up any muscle if he did. Howard said he ended up looking like him. He said if your whole career is this movie about Karate then go out and learn it. Howard said then he wins the All Valley Tournament. He said that should be shut down if that's the case.
Howard said Ralph Macchio looks like he does. He said he's ''skinny fat'' like him. He said he looks dumpy.
Howard said they're coming back with a new season of that and he will watch it. He said he likes that show.
Howard said he has a bunch of people on the phone who think Blaine wasn't the real deal. He took another call from a guy who said Blaine was a douche bag. He said the guy was really creepy and talking about picking up girls at the bus stop and things like that. He said that's creepy enough and then he's talking about being a tough guy. He said real tough guys don't do that. He said real tough guys know there are people who are just as tough as they are.
The caller said he knows how tough it is to work out and get back into shape when you're older. He said that he has a hard time himself. He said that you learn all of these skills just in case something comes up. He said that all of the Karate guys get the shit beat out of them in MMA and things like that. He said Karate is like dancing and it's not a great defense.
Howard said he took Karate with his daughters for a while. He said one of them is a black belt. He said he had to learn Kata but they don't follow that. He said he did this dancing and had to get out of it. He said he's not going to do that if someone is beating the shit out of him.
Howard said his daughters were really good at it. The caller said you can't tell someone that's not the right move to make. Howard said you don't signal the guy that you're going to crane now. The caller said that shit is so stupid. He said he feels like he could work up some energy to fight some Millenials who are so soft. He said he had a guy who said he was going to beat the shit out of him and he looked at him and asked what he thinks he'll be doing while he's beating him up. He said the guy backed down.
Howard said there's a movie he likes that has Vin Diesel in it. He said it was a bunch of guys in a bar and there's a skinny guy who is looking for someone. He said they ask who the fuck he thinks he is. He said the guy sits down with Vin and tells him to take care of the guys. He said Vin walks up to the tough guys and Vin says ''500.'' He said they ask what he just said and Vin says that 500 fights is what you need before you can call yourself a tough guy. He said then Vin goes ''So you think you're a tough guy.. I've fought 500 fights and never been knocked out once...'' He went on and on with the lines from the movie. He said that he's paraphrasing it all. He said then he gets into a fight and he has a big Jewish star tattooed on his arm. He said that Vin is playing the Jewish guy. He said then he tells the guy that he learned from all of those fights this... and head buts the guy to knock him out.
The caller said it takes a long time to learn how to do that head but thing. He said in boxing they teach you to stay focused looking at a person. He said that way you can see the punch coming and not get hit with it. He said if you flinch you get hit. He said it takes a lot of practice.
The caller said the best scene is where Steven Seagal beats the shit out of a whole bar full of people. Howard said there are some great scenes in his movies. He said he beats up a whole bunch of people with a pool ball in a bag. He said he loves all of that. Howard said the caller go after that.
Howard said he feels like he wouldn't have been such a pussy if he had taken lessons. He said the Vin Diesel movie he was talking about was ''Knock Around Guys.'' He did more of his impression of Vin in the movie and recited some of the lines from it.
Howard said that's that. He said he's having Bob Odenkirk on today and he's in this movie ''Nobody'' and he plays a douche bag but he's a tough guy who beats the shit out of everyone. He said he's a master assassin and he can kill everyone rapidly. Robin said he's trying to keep his home life stable and sane. Howard said he thinks he felt bad for himself and he didn't want to look like a pussy in front of his son so he beats these guys up. Robin said it was his daughter crying that led to triggering him. Howard said he beats the shit out of everyone in the movie. Robin said that scene in the bus was the one where you knew he wanted to beat someone up. Howard said they took his daughter's kitten bracelet and that's what set him off. He said he'd love to be able to do that and beat guys up.
Robin said in all of these movies they don't show any damage. She said in ''Nobody'' they show the damage on Bob's character.
Robin said they call him the mastermind of Watergate and that was no good for anyone so maybe he wasn't such a mastermind. Howard said he stated out as an FBI guy and he was there until 1962 and he became a patent lawyer. He said the guy is a bright guy. He said he joined the Nixon campaign and became one of the leaders of the plumbers unit. He said that they ran things against Nixon's enemies. He said that he hatched a bunch of crazy ideas or Nixon. Howard went over some of the crazy stuff he came up with. He said none of the plans were carried out. Robin said most of the time they ignored what he was saying because it was so off the wall.
Howard said he was a mastermind that was off the wall. He said he finally got to do the Watergate break in. He said that they planted some stuff at the Watergate and they went back to do more and they got caught. He said Robin is right about the mastermind thing. He said he wasn't such a mastermind. Robin said that it bothers her when people miss that note about how he got caught so he wasn't so masterful.
Howard said Liddy got indicted and he refused to testify. He said he felt like all of the other guys were rats. He said he got 6-12 years but he only served 1 year. He said President Carter let him out and he's not sure why that is. Robin said he should explain that to them.
Robin said Liddy loved Hitler. She said that he was obsessed with him. Howard said that should have been a red light. Robin said yes. She said after that the idea of this one guy changing this whole nation is what he liked about it. She said he started modeling himself after that. He said he killed a rat and ate it to get over his fear of rats.
Howard said Liddy got out of prison and wrote some spy thrillers. He said he got a radio show and they had him on and people thought he was good. He said his radio show was on in Washington and they had him follow them there. He said they had trouble keeping the ratings up. He said they were on in the morning and they put on G. Gordon Liddy and he was doing very well for the first year. He said he had a certain charm. He said he wasn't really political. He said he would talk about tough guy stuff. He said what did him in was Rush Limbaugh. He said when Rush stated getting popular with politics they told Liddy to get political. He said they drummed it into him and he became more and more like Rush. He said it wasn't organic for him so it was more of a tough guy thing for him. He said you'd call him up and ask about tough guy stuff. He said his ratings dropped when he got political. He said he did well with his show until about 2012. He said he was still doing his show until then. He said he was in his 80s by then.
Robin said he would go on the talk show circuit and he did that with Timothy Leary. Howard said Liddy got on the air once and said he would do target practice with pictures of Bill and Hillary Clinton. He said he was investigated after saying that. He said you can't say that on the air. Robin said he was kind of out there.
Howard said Liddy had some interesting theories. He said he wasn't a tough looking guy but he did talk about how tough he was. He said he wanted a big woman when he was looking for a woman and he picked his wife based on how big she was and how good she was at math.
Howard said they're going to play some G. Gordon Liddy stuff on Sternthology today. He said Liddy would and him his calendars with the women and guns. He said he'd sign it to him. Robin said that was one of the appearances on the show that he came in for. Howard said he was very excited about it. He said he had a calendar with women holding guns. Howard had one from 2001 and Gordon said that this woman in the calendar was his new producer. Howard said that calendar was for charity. He said that he remembers it because he worked in their company. He said the charity was St. Jude's Children's Hospital. He said when they got it they refunded it because they wanted nothing to do with it. He said the calendar was called ''Stacked and Packed.'' Robin said he didn't understand that it was inappropriate to do that.
Howard said he has a bunch of these calendars. He asked Jason how many of these things he has. He said they want to throw out a bunch of this. Jason said they still have it but it's in the garbage pile. He said they have one from 2001, one from 2003 and 2 copies from 2006. He said he also has a copy of his book in hard copy that's signed to Howard.
Howard wondered if anyone would want that stuff. He said he calls this segment ''Does Anyone Want My Garbage?'' He said he had a nutty idea to have a Howard Stern museum but no one is going to see that. He said that he'd have this stuff hanging on the wall. He said it was the worst calendar.
Howard took a call from a guy, Matt, and asked if he wants his G. Gordon Liddy calendars and book. Matt said he would. Howard said that's great. He said he'll send it to him. He said he's a fan so he'll send it to him. Robin asked what he's going to pay for that. Howard said nothing. He said he's giving it to him for free.
Howard said he has to figure out how to get this stuff to Matt. Jason said he'll talk to the guy about getting it to him. Howard put Matt on hold. Jason said it's hard to get the full pack all at once so that was cool to give it all to him.
Howard said he has a nice bonus. He said the 2001 calendar will be useable in 2029. He said it'll match up to that year. Robin said you just have to ignore the year. Howard said Jason can give him the whole storage room if he wants to. He said just send him the keys. He said he'll let him take what he wants.
Robin asked if any of this stuff has value. Howard said he used to think so. He said that's why he was saving all of this stuff. He said he got this storage that was air conditioned. He said he thought it had to be protected. He said he would pay this crazy amount of money to save it all. He said then he woke up out of a coma a couple of years ago wondering what the fuck he's doing. He said he looked at the bill he pays every month and wondered what he's doing. He said he wanted to figure out what he could do with this stuff. He said he didn't want it anymore. He said he went to the guys and told them to throw it all out. He said the guys wanted to see if there was anything they should save. He asked Jason if anything is worth saving. Jason said they did find stuff about saving but Howard wanted to throw it all out. He said there are some things that staffers wanted so they're saving that. He said now Howard is paying to store garbage until they can throw it all out.
Howard said that he sees people on the phone who want the G. Gordon Liddy stuff. He said he gave it all to Matt.
Jason said he has more stuff to ask Howard about saving. Howard said that's fine but he gave that Liddy stuff to Matt from New Jersey. Robin said that you hear stories about stuff that was valuable and was found at a garage sale or flea market. Robin said this one person saw a blue bowl that was one of only 6 that exists in the world. Howard said he has no blue bowls in his archive. Howard said it's really just a garbage dump. Robin said that blue bowl was worth over a million dollars.
Howard asked Jason what he has. Jason went over some of the stuff that he has in the archive and if wants to save it. Howard told him to just throw it out. He had some animation art but Howard told him to give that to Gary. Gary didn't want it either. Howard said he can throw that out. Jason had one thing that he wanted to save.
Jason said they have all of the paintings of Gary that they did in the 90s. Howard said that can go. Jason said he wants that. Gary said he'll take all of those. Robin said he'll have a big bon fire. Gary said he will burn them.
Jason said he could probably open up a Drew Friedman display. Howard said anything from Drew he wants to save. He said he'll keep that stuff. He said he's one of the best artists he's ever seen.
Jason said they have a picture of Howard in a crown of thorns. Howard said that's from the Rolling Stone cover that they refused to use. He said that they thought people would be offended. He said that's what it's all about. Howard said they shit canned the idea and years later they had Kanye West do it and they had no problem with it. Robin said maybe it has to do with his skin color. Howard said he didn't even know Kanye was black. Robin said it's a very fine line what you can get away with.
Howard said he had done this cover and he has the photograph. He said it was taken by Mark Selleger. Jason said it might be. He said they have another photo of Howard between the legs of a woman holding a radio. Howard said he doesn't think he wants any of that. Jason said they have a note about how great he looks in it. Howard said maybe he'll keep it. He said he's not sure what he would do with it. Robin said one day his children will have to go through it. Howard told Jason to throw it out.
Jason said he has a framed NY Times Book review when Private Parts was number 1. Howard said he doesn't care about that. He said throw that out. He said throw it all out. He said keep the Drew Friedman stuff but that's it. He said Jason must know what to do.
Howard said they'll go over more of this on a future show. Jason said he has great news for him. He said after this last list they're done. He said they can't throw it all out yet. He said they have to send someone in to throw it all away. Howard said he's still paying the bill. Jason said by the end of the contract they'll be done. He said they're past the hardest part.
Howard said he wants to get out and lay there in his mausoleum like a big dummy.
Howard said rest in peace G. Gordon Liddy. He said he made it to 90 and had a good run. Robin said he had a son and a daughter too. Howard said he bets they were good in math. He said Liddy had a pretty good run and he was quite a character.
Howard said he was going to play a great phony hone call they made to Liddy with Crackhead Bob. Howard said this is great. He said he was doing his radio show and they called in when he was doing his show from Israel. He said they called in and told him that Bob was a big fan of his and they had him trying to talk to Crackhead Bob. He said it's really good. Howard played that call and talked about how tough it is to hang up on a caller like that. Howard did his impression of Liddy talking to Crackhead Bob. Howard said you don't know how to get out of it. Fred was playing clips of Crackhead Bob as Howard talked to them as G. Gordon Liddy.
Robin said she's wondering why they sent Liddy to Israel to do his show. Howard said he probably wanted to go there and he convinced the station to send him there. Howard said he probably never left his studio and just pretended to be there. Howard said rest in peace G. Gordon Liddy. He went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said they probably play this at Mar-A-Lago before Trump comes out. He said this is Montell Jordan. He said he thinks he's into this Lil Nas X. He said he's not a big rap guy but he likes this one song he does. He said he was reading about this guy and how he's doing everything he can to piss everyone off. He said it's working because he's gay and he's black. Robin said he put out a sneaker with a drop of blood and people are outraged.
Howard said this song sounds very musical to him. He played ''Montero'' and said he likes this.
Howard said he can hear them playing this at Mar-A-Lago too. He said this is something he might listen to. He said he loves that he's pissing everyone off. He said he likes that religious people have a problem with him because he's gay. He said it feels like a throw back to when Ozzy Osbourne was getting attention for being demonic. He said this guy is getting it all now. Robin said Nike is upset about the sneaker too because they had nothing to do with it.
Howard said this kid is making everyone uncomfortable because the version of gay is like Liberace and closeted this kid is out there. He said the religious right is saying that you're going to hell and this kid is embracing it. He said this guy is singing about fucking and sucking and blowing Satan. He said you have to hand it to the guy for creating something that you know is going to piss off the world. He said the whole thing is just fantastic.
Howard said he still doesn't get why people can't just turn this stuff off. He said it's entertainment. He said you can turn it off. He said you don't have to listen to it. Robin said she was watching a hearing with Facebook and other tech companies and they were talking on Capitol Hill and they were talking about creating a Facebook for your kids. She said they were like ''What!?'' Robin said they don't want to parent so they want to do away with all of this stuff.
Howard read more of the press release and said listen to this bullshit. He said they're not making sense. Robin wondered if they'll have to change back to Entercom at some point. Howard said it doesn't matter at this point.
Gary said he's looking at an explanation of what that press release said. He said they explain what the name means and where it came from. Gary said they say that it's not just a change of sign but a sign of change. Howard said remind him to never do business with them. He said somewhere in America there's a boardroom of morons patting themselves on the back over that name change.
Howard said that they say that they've outgrown their name. Howard said we'll have to see about that. He said good for him. Howard said he wishes him luck with the new name. He said he thought the name Entercom was a good name. He said that he hears Audacy and doesn't get it. He said Entercom sounded big and important. Robin said a name is important.
Robin said the other day they put out a press release that Volkswagen was changing their name to ''Voltswagen'' and people thought it was real. Howard said you can't do that. Robin said Volkswagen said they weren't doing it and it was a phony press release.
Howard said that he doesn't know the man who runs Audacy but he wishes him luck. He said it doesn't sound like the right move to him.
Howard said the head of Audacy is on the phone now. He took the call and it was actually the public relations director who sounded a lot like Beetlejuice. The guys were playing clips of Beetlejuice saying nonsense.
Howard said he would love if this company took the Entercom name. Robin said they could say that it's not only a change of sign but a sign of change. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said his is his moves like Jagger. He said he and Robin saw him in Philadelphia. He said he remembers him doing this and rising his shoulders up when he was dancing.
Howard said he has Bob Odenkirk there. He said he has so much to talk to him about. He said he's the star of this movie ''Nobody'' that's fucking great. He said it's very nice to meet him. Bob said it's great to meet him too. He said he's been a fan for so many years. He said he's a fan of the whole crew there. He said he loved hearing him talk about how much he liked ''Nobody.'' He said it's a pretty small film and it was just people sweating it out in Winnipeg. Howard said it's a ballsy movie to make in the same way that maybe they didn't think Saul would become this big character. He said the notion of this guy being a Martial Arts guy is funny. He said when he was asked about the movie he asked what it was. He said he heard the premise and said he'd watch that. He said the movie makes total sense when you see it. He said he got in shape and he beats the shit out of these fuck heads. He said that's his fantasy. He said he'd love to be able to do that. Bob said that's what it's all about. He said it's the mild mannered guy who can kick ass. He said it's rarely played by a mild mannered person. He said it's usually Jason Statham with glasses on.
Howard said his fantasy in life is being able to handle himself like that. Bob said he trained for 2 and a half years to do this. He said some of the guys who come through that place are actual fighters. He said they're scary guys. He said one guy is from the Mossad. Howard said there's always someone from the Israeli something there.
Bob said this guy taught him knife fighting. He said this guy was a Navy SEAL. He said he gave him one phrase called ''Stir the soup'' where you use the knife to stir around.
Howard asked if he learned how to do the gun thing. Bob said they train you with real guns and they want you to react like you have a real gun. He said that they want you to feel that. He said you get on set and you get a bunch of fake guns and you have to invent stuff. He said it's kind of fun invention on set.
Howard said you have to learn choreography. Bob said yes. Howard said Bob came up with the idea for the movie. Bob said it was his idea initially but the guy who wrote it is this guy who wrote John Wick. He said the last 45 minutes of the movie is very violent. He said that the bus scene is in that part. He said he wanted to show that he could go all in on it. He said that became fun and light hearted in that part.
Bob said he wondered if he could do an action movie. He said he had these feelings about break ins at his family's homes there in Los Angeles. He said that it helps to lock your doors. Howard said he figured that he'd have a lot of security. Bob said he had one break in that was particularly traumatic. He said he can't say who the person is but he wondered if he should have done more and if he could have done more. He said it left him with a lot of anger and frustration. He said he did what the movie shows in the start. He said he didn't engage with this person. He said you can't help but feel you should have done more. He said everyone tells you to run if you're attacked. He said even the great fighters tell you to get away if you can. He said he's sure some of these people have killed people and they tell you to run.
Howard said as a man you want to do that but you don't know if they have weapons. He said he you feel emasculated if you don't do something. Bob said it doesn't matter that you kept the damage to a minimum. He said some part of you wants to beat the living shit out of that person for doing what they did.
Howard said it's so great when he tells his family to lock up in the basement and he takes control. He said the kids look at him like he's Superman. He said that is so great. He said he loves that moment in the movie. He said he wishes he had those powers too.
Howard asked Bob when he pitches that movie and needs to get money for it, do they look at him like he's nuts. Bob said he thought he'd get thrown out of the room. He said that would have been fine since he's done a lot of comedy. He said that everybody he went to, starting with his manager, said they see what he means. He said he was saying that the character he plays in Better Call Saul is kind of that kind of character. He said he's sort of a super hero. He said when you get to know him he's got a good heart. He said he's trying to find his good place in the world. He said everything but the fighting was there. He said that he is a fan of Howard's work because he's one of the funniest people in his life on earth. He said he'll always appreciate the laughs he's given him. He said he just thought that the people know him as Saul Goodman or Jimmy McGill and he figured adding the fighting would be good. He said they went to some producers and they talked to people and Howard knows how this works. He said it's not easy to get a movie made. He said it's usually just something you talk about doing. He said he was getting in shape. He said he was 58 when he was doing it. He said that he knows there was some potential for embarrassment. He said he knew there was a chance of that. He said he was working out and surrounded by the best stunt actors in the world. He said Keanu was there and Jason Statham walks through and says hello. He said he was in the corner sucking. He said you can see how bad you are in the mirrors in there.
Howard asked if he felt like he was being laughed at. Bob said he was. He said that they did the bus scene because these guys commit their lives to doing this stuff. He said they sit around all day thinking about action moves and what they can do. He said they're always engaged in their art. He said after a year and a half of training he was told he had to cut back on his speed. He said that's when he knew he was doing it right.
Howard said there's a great bus fight scene and it's very good. He said he gets messed up too and doesn't walk away unscathed. Bob said that was part of it from the start. He said he wanted to get hurt just like a real dad. He said that's what happens to a real dad.
Bob said there's a line in the movie about giving him back the kitty cat bracelet and someone asked how you get that angry over that. He said raise two kids and you'll know. He said that you look at that family and the wife and husband are miles apart. He said life just grinds you down. He said they're just kind of numb to each other. He said you have the son who is a teenager looking at dad like he's an asshole. Howard said he solves it all by beating the shit out of everyone in that movie. Bob said it brings you peace.
Howard said he did his own stunts and he did it Jackie Chan style. Bob said he loves Jackie Chan. He said he watched one of his movies with is kids and they loved it. He said that he was talking to an actor about training and this guy looked at him and said they have stunt men who can do that and he didn't have to do it. He said it hit him that he didn't have to do it. He said he doesn't think it would have been anything like the experience it is if he had stunt men doing it.
Howard said Keanu Reeves doesn't seem like a tough guy but he's seen him training and he can really handle a gun. He said it shows up somehow in a movie when he's reloading a gun. Bob said he never got that great with guns. He said he got close and good enough for screen. He said he focused more on the fighting for this movie.
Bob said he would focus more on guns but they scare the shit out of him. He said you have to practice for hours. He said hand to hand fighting is more fun for him. He said it can be very complex and you have to hit it just right. He said he just likes it. Bob said in a way it's like sketch writing that he did most of his career. He said that the scenes are like a sketch that lasts 5 minutes. He said if you can be clever within it and take a turn then it's great. He said he doesn't want to give it all away. He said he gets tossed out of the bus and that's one of his favorite things. He said he could have left and gone home after that.
Howard said you talk about training and everything you do and it can become an obsession. He said that this movie may have helped him work out his aggression with the break in at home. Bob said he thinks he did. He said that he felt like it was cathartic. Bob said you have to get the hell out of the house if something happens. He said the truth is if you've done these moves you have something. He said he remembers thinking that the second time it happened he wondered what would happen if he punched someone. He said at least you know how to move your body in that way in the past few years. He said here is some value in it but he hopes it never happens.
Howard asked if the training got him to think more about things when he goes into certain situations. Bob said not really. He said he got the feeling that physical interaction isn't fun. He said that the tough guys tell you that you don't want to do it. He said you don't want to be in a fight. He said he might be able to fight back but you don't do that if you're smart. He said you chill out and back up. He said if you've done training it is a good thing. He said boxing is a great thing to get your heart rate up. He said he used to wonder why Garry Shandling was into it. He said he can see now it's using your brain and body together. He said so much exercise is moving your body over and over and it's boring. He said if you can mix thinking in there it makes it more exciting.
Howard said in the movie he has a great relationship with his father. He said his father is another tough guy and he has a great love affair with him. He said he sees it as a father who passed on his knowledge to him and brought him into his world. He said he had the opposite of that in his real life. He said in a way his father was horrible. He said he left him when he was 12. Bob said he was so happy when his father left. He said he was smiling for days. He said it was the greatest thing ever. He said he was free and didn't have this weird energy at home anymore. He said that it was a giddiness that stayed with him for a long time. He said it's better to have a good dad.
Howard asked if he ever confronted his father. Bob said he did once. He said he had an altercation with his mom and he did have a pushing contest with him. He said he thinks about that and smiles. He said in the end it would have been nice to have gotten some guidance from a father. He said the guy was immature but he could be funny too. He said he would tell bar jokes. He said he spent a lot of time in bars. He said he doesn't like those type of jokes actually. He said he liked Benny Hill and Hee Haw. He said he wasn't into either.
Howard said he hears so many of these stories with comedians. Bob said he tried to get back in touch with his father. He said he got a call from his dad once and he tried to tell him he didn't understand him. He said he was wondering what was happening there. He said he didn't know what was going on. He said he went and saw his dad and it was an opportunity to think maybe he could connect with the guy. He said he was 22 years old at the time. He said he hadn't seen him since he was like 15 or so. He said it turns out that it was no. He said he wasn't able to connect. He said it was just a zero.
Bob said that Howard had David Spade on recently and talked to him about his dad. He said that was very interesting. Bob said it was a weird bad time for him when he was growing up.
Howard asked if Bob drinks. Bob said he did in high school and then around 20 he stopped. He said that he went to college early. He said he stopped until he was 32 or 33. He said he has a drink once or twice a month now.
Howard asked why he went to college early. Bob said it was really nothing. Howard said he was very smart. He said he read a lot. He said he thinks that helped. Bob said yeah it did.
Howard asked Bob why he chose to be a sketch comedian. He said he didn't want to be a stand up. Howard said he thinks he's responsible for some of the funniest sketches on TV. He asked why not stand up. Bob said he did try it. He said there was a comedy boom around 81 or 82. He said stand up was just insanity. He said everyone had to have it in their club or bar. He said there was work to be had. He said if you could write just a few things you could get work. He said that he sucked at it though. He said that's why he changed. He said that he'd make himself laugh a couple of times. He said he knew it right away. He said you have to have a clarity in your voice. He said stand ups have a very refined voice. Bob said he just can't do that with himself. He said he'll laugh about something in his life and make up a joke that's absurd. He said that his character was just a mess. Howard said he's intrigued with the comics he knows. He said they always see something and they hammer away at it. He said if you're not clear on your point of view then you won't be a successful stand up. Bob said he knew that and he wanted to be in Monty Python. He said that's what he wanted to do.
Howard said when you want to do that you go to Second City. He said Bob did that and didn't think that was right for him. He said he met Robert Smigel and he went to Saturday Night Live and he brought him there. Howard said he has had a lot of jobs in his life and he has had a chip on his shoulder. He said Bob went to Saturday Night Live and he meets Lorne Michaels. He said that he must have wondered who the fuck this guy thought he was. Bob said that's the first thought he had. Howard said Bob regrets his time there because he didn't embrace it and have fun. Bob said it's all about insecurity. He said it's great to be young and be sure you're right. He said he's sure Howard was right about radio and how it could be.
Bob said that he does think he was right but he wasn't right for the show at the time. He said that he didn't understand himself and didn't enjoy and embrace it like it was. He said that show is a behemoth that just moves forward and you have to hop on or get out of the way. He said there are people who had their corner there on the show. He said he could have made it work that way for himself. He said that there were many people who were able to do that there. He said he thinks he wanted his voice but more purely done. He said he wanted everyone to be intense. He said he just wanted it to represent their personalities. He said it's not that and it's an institution that needs to serve the whole country. He said it was just transitioning into that when he got there. He said that he wanted to reinvent it but that wasn't for him to do. He said he was a dick to Lorne and he made wisecracks to him in meetings. He said he should have been a waiter and he was making the wise cracks.
Howard said he remembers Lorne calling and asking if he wanted to be a host on Saturday Night Live. He said he walked into his office and said he wanted his writers to write his sketches for him. He said he was mouthing off to this guy and it's his show. He said Lorne was looking at him like he was an idiot. He said he's embarrassed by who he was then. He said that's what he's describing. He said he must cringe thinking about what he did to Lorne. Bob said Lorne loves great writers and great writing. He said he let him stay there for 4 years. He said he didn't contribute a lot and he was making wise cracks. He said you need to have that feeling to be able to do what you do. He said Howard knows what that's like.
Bob said he went to Los Angeles and he had learned to write sketches thanks to everyone he was around at Saturday Night Live. He said they were all better than he was and he learned from that. Bob said he came to L.A. and he was a huge asshole. He said he was so certain that he was a genius. He said everyone agreed and he hadn't done anything to prove that yet. He said he enjoyed being snooty and being so sure of himself. He said in the end you have to believe that about yourself if you're going to do something new.
Howard asked if he freaked out that he wasn't making that money he was making at Saturday Night Live. Bob said he wasn't. He said he had the confidence that he knew he'd be okay. He said even in his worst days he thought that he could figure out a way to make money from these fools.
Howard asked if he has run into Lorne to apologize. Bob said he hasn't and he's not sure what Lorne would do with that. He said he told Lorne he wanted to leave and he was okay with that.
Howard asked if he was shocked when Conan got a shot on TV. Bob said he was. He said he remembers playing basketball with him at a high school. He said he thought it was a hoot. He said Conan asked if he'd want to host a shot like Letterman. Bob said he wasn't sure why he was asking him about that. He said he wasn't famous yet. He said he had done a lot of performing and more than he had. He said he thought about it for 2 seconds and didn't care about other celebrities enough to do it.
Howard said some people are just made for doing that kind of show. Bob said they really are. Bob said that there are people who can do that. He said they're talking about his movie ''Nobody'' today and he doesn't feel like he had to push his feelings out when he did this movie.
Howard asked if he was relaxed on camera when he was on the Garry Shandling show. Bob said not at all. He said he was playing a character based on his own manager. He said that he was playing a pretty intense guy so he had that to keep him feeling safe.
Bob said that he was always asked to be bigger when he was playing a part. He said he hated that note and he knew it was right too. He said it wasn't until he got to this chapter that he's in now that he got comfortable. He said that he didn't feel like he had to get bigger when he started playing Saul. He said he knew his energy could work in that context.
Howard said Vince Gilligan didn't make him audition at all. He was just a fan of his from Mr. Show. Bob said that's what Vince was a big fan of. Howard said he's not sure why Mr. Show wasn't bigger. He said that it was like the best kept secret on HBO. He said he wrote some brilliant stuff on there. He said he wrote this sketch about the story of Everest and it was brilliant. Howard said Google it and see it. He said Bob wrote it and it was very funny. He said that he was able to script this thing and do it all. He said it should have been a bigger show. Bob said it was intense and weird. He said they went wherever they wanted with that. He said he and David Cross did it and he thinks if they did it today it would have been massive. He said people are very aware of a strong voice now. He said if you let something live in a corner for a while it can find an audience.
Bob said Breaking Bad was like that. He said it wasn't a hit right out of the box. He said it was almost canceled after the second season. He said he had never seen it before he did the show. He said he was asked to do the show and his agent told him he should do it. He said he was saying no to everything at the time. He said he had only seen the billboard and he called a friend to find out what the show was about. He said he was going to do the show and take that cash. Howard asked if it was good money or did he just take what the fuck they had. Bob said it was just what the fuck they had. He said it was his own fault. He said he has gone to Vegas a few times and Blackjack is too much math for him so he doesn't think about the money thing too much. Howard asked how he manages his money then. Bob said you get a business manager. He said he won't name names but he had the same one Johnny Depp had. He said he got into a real hole there. He said it was okay actually.
Bob said he called a friend who had seen Breaking Bad. He said no one was watching that show and they were all watching Mad Men. Howard said if he was offered a role on a show he'd think that he'd go out and watch it. Bob said he did watch it on the flight to Albuquerque. He said he watched like 10 minutes of it. He said he knew it was a drama. He said he saw that his character was kind of funny so he had to find that zone. He said then he dialed it in when he got into a room with Bryan Cranston. He said he was doing a master class two feet from his face. He said he had to amp up his game. He said he figured it out.
Howard said he can't imagine what that was like. He said this was a great role and it was such great writing. Howard asked if he was able to change up his lines at all. Bob said not at all. He said this is adult drama work. He said that he tried to do it exactly as written. He said he got the first script and tried writing his own stuff in the margins. He said he didn't know Vince at all or even know the show. He said he figured he should try to be an actor and stop that. He said he just went with the script. Howard said that's a very mature thing to do. He said he had to do the same with his movie. He said it was liberating when he went with the script and memorized it. He said he had to make it come to life. Bob said it's like doing a trick. He said you did something transformative and that's what's great about the job. He said that's what's cool about it.
Bob said the hardest thing for him in this drama transition is to lose some irony. He said that it's the hardest thing to do to have real emotions. He said Howard has become more earnest and straight forward and he has gotten good at it. He said it's a rewarding thing to do. He said you don't do it in a cheap way but to really transmit that emotion isn't easy. He said it's a trip to be able to do it and become someone else for a while. He said that's the trick of acting.
Howard asked if he ever has nightmares about almost turning down Better Call Saul. Bob said he does. He said his kids convinced him to do it. He said the situation they talked about with the intruder in the house was not something they got over in a day. He said it created some very serious issues for the family. He said they were still dealing with the resonance of that. He said his kids were just a little too young to be leaving. He said that had to do with his own dad and he knew they were going to shoot in Albuquerque. He said that he didn't want to leave them at 15 and 13 or 16 and 14. He said they were 14 an 12 actually. He said he didn't want to leave them for a great length of time. He said his wife has to work and she has a business so he had to let her do her thing. He said she manages a lot of celebrities and many have the have been on Howard's show. He said that she loves doing her job and she hunts for people on YouTube. He said getting them famous makes her happy. Bob said that he said no to doing the show. He said he got a call on a Friday and said no and then on Sunday morning he got the call from his manager Mark who said that he wanted to make sure that he was really saying no. He said that he told him he was. He said he didn't think the kids were old enough to leave. He said he got off the phone and his son asked if he really wasn't going to do the show. He said his son said they were going to disappoint a lot of people. Bob said that they were strangers but yes. He said his son said that some of those people were his friends. He said that his daughter told him that he should do the show. He said she said that if he were to do the show then how bad would it be if it was bad. Bob said he told her it wouldn't be bad but it could be a misfire. He said that it was this great team of writers. He said that it could have been a big shit the bed and a joke for all time. Bob said to some extent he was right. He said there had to be some excellence in there. He said he told his daughter that and she told him to do it. Bob said that he was going to say yes but the deal went up so he was ready to say yes and the deal was for more.
Howard said so many times a sequel bombs. Bob said it didn't even occur to him how badly he could be failing. He said he didn't get it until he saw the billboard go up on Vine. He said that everyone was going to sample it and check it out. He said if they didn't do a good job this is it. He said he still didn't care though. He said he really didn't give a shit. He said there's some part of him that doesn't care. He said he's sure it would have been hard but it wouldn't matter that much.
Howard said that's healthy in a way. He said that keeps you in a movie like ''Nobody'' because he doesn't care if people buy it or not. Bob said he gave it his all and he was fully aware that it could have been an embarrassment. He said he has done that a number of times in his life and he's good at taking that risk. He said that he gave it everything he had. Howard said he gives a shit but he doesn't get scared off by the imaginary reaction.
Howard asked how much it bothers him that this movie could generate over $100 million that this is coming out during a pandemic. He said that people aren't going to the theater. He said he's sure it could have made over $100 million. Bob said he's going to make him cry but go on. Howard said the movie works and it's great. He said it's the number one movie but no one is going. Bob said he went to see it on Saturday night. He said they were selling a lot of tickets and people did cheer and laugh at the right moments but there weren't a lot of people in the theater. He said that he walked out and the audience had enjoyed it. He said the staff told him that they had sold out. He said he didn't know that was a sell out but that's as many seats as they could sell.
Howard said his wife loved the movie. She doesn't know who Bob is from Breaking Bad or Better Call Saul. Howard said she was saying that he's kind of hot. He said he pulled it off. He said that you have to see how awful this is because of the pandemic. Bob said we're all trying to get out of that and he thinks they help by getting people in the theater. He said they have a good time in there.
Howard asked how we see that movie. Bob said he's kind of divorced from that side of the business. He said it came out great. Howard said he thinks they might want a sequel. Bob said he would do that. He said he continues to train. He said he's writing a comedy piece with David Cross but he would happily do more action. He said he loves doing it.
Howard said Bob is in ''Nobody'' and the movie will be available On Demand on April 16th. He said it's in theaters now.
Howard asked Bob if he'll do this again with him. He said he kind of skipped over a lot. He said he could do a whole segment about the Van down by the river sketch that he did with Chris Farley. He said it's hard to get to everything. He said he wanted to ask about one other sketch he did. He said it was the Grumpy Old Man that Dana Carvey did. He said that's very simple and funny. He said it's so great. He said it must be upsetting that he didn't get to do it himself on screen. Bob said he could have done it but Dana made it sweet.
Howard said the other bit he did on Saturday Night Live was ''Da Bears'' sketch. He said that whole series of sketches was great. Bob said he doesn't really have that accent. Howard said yes you do. Bob asked if he really does Howard said it's not strong but it's there.
Howard said the other sketch he wrote with Smigel is the McLaughlin Group. Bob said he loved contributing to that. Howard said it was brilliant sketch comedy. Bob said it was an unhinged loopiness that doesn't get on Saturday Night Live very often. He said that was just off in the stratosphere of kooky insanity. Howard said Dana Carvey is so great. He said he feels like he should be the biggest star in the world. Bob said he's with Howard there. He said that he may not like to work all the time. He said that he thinks America is missing something there. He said that Dana is so funny and he's one of the funniest people alive. Howard said Bob did so many great things on the show. He said he wrote the Inspirational Speaker bit alone in an apartment. He said that one is one of the things that came out just like that and perfect. He said Chris elevated it to another level.
Howard asked if he ever saw Chris do it in person. Bob said he did a coach character that was really funny and he had some of the gestures. He said he took that and went home and wrote out that sketch. He said he remembers writing it. He said that there were hippies who hung out on a bridge down by the river. He said Tony Robins was becoming big around the time and he pictures that place in his home town with the inspirational speaker down by the river. He said his daughter asked him what the most fun he's had in show business was and it was doing that sketch with Chris right in your face on stage. He said that he wouldn't stop until he made every actor laugh on stage.
Howard asked what it's like to write something like that and see everyone laughing so much on stage. Bob said that he's never seen an audience go from an audience to worshiping a guy in 4 minutes. He said they went for enjoying a show to thinking that's the funniest guy they've seen on planet earth. He said it's crazy. He said to think that he contributed to that in some way on Saturday Night Live is crazy.
Howard said he must be a generous person. He said he wouldn't be able to do that. Bob said Chris was such a great person and everyone was moved to know him. He said he made them all feel more human. He said he had a gift.
Howard said Bob wrote the most iconic bit on the show. Bob said that was on the show after he left. Howard said he didn't know that. Bob said that sketch was on the show the year after he left. Bob said in his final year there on Saturday Night Live he was able to contribute. He said he was able to help Spade, Farley and Sandler with their stuff. He said he was thankful that he was finally able to help. He said he left and they did the sketch the next year.
Howard said Conan was on and he told a story about being sent into a room with George Steinbrenner and pitching him a sketch. He said George yelled at them the whole time. Bob said Jeremy Irons yelled at him too. He said that he really yelled at him. He said Jeremy was really mad and he was right to be. He did his impression of Irons telling him what they were doing wrong with him on the show. He said he was really made. Bob said he taped it with a little recorder. He said Jeremy was right and it wasn't a great monologue. He said he played the tape for people and he's probably got it but it's at the bottom of a pile somewhere.
Howard said he wanted to talk to him about having Kristin Wiig as a babysitter. He said his wife must be very secure. He said she's hot. Bob said his father was never around but he must have done something right for his 7 kids.
Howard said there's a million stories he wanted to get to. He said next time he has to come on and tell them about pitching a sketch to Steven Seagal. Bob said he'll tell that story. He thanked Howard for having him and enjoying that movie. Howard said he really did like it. He said he doesn't bullshit about that stuff. He said he loved it so much that he'll watch it again. He said it's his fantasy. He said Bob does a very convincing bad ass.
Robin said she wants to say that the thing she loves is how he conveys what the character is thinking when he's not saying anything. She said when he's on the bus and those guys come on the bus it's the greatest moment. Howard said he has to say that unlike Steven Seagal Bob can lift his leg. Howard gave him some more plugs and let Bob go. He said it was an honor and a pleasure. He said he's a good guy unlike his dad.
Howard said that movie is so good. Robin said that he's so good in it. She said you wonder why they picked him when you hear he's the one but then you see it and you see why.
Howard asked if they forgot anything. Robin said she doesn't think so. Howard said he had to get a belch in before he left. Robin said she wanted to say she loves him. She said that she wanted to say she loves everyone but especially Howard. She said she was just overwhelmed and said she had to say that. Howard said Bob was talking about how important it was for him to relax during a performance. He said he spent many years in radio trying to do the same thing. He said that was before Robin came along. He said he wanted to be fully relaxed. He said he wanted to be so relaxed that he doesn't know if he said it in real life or not.
Howard said he remembers not being relaxed on radio and he wasn't able to relax. He said Fred is so relaxed that he's masturbating. He said to be serious for a minute Bob was saying that he got better when he was relaxed. He said when he stared to relax on radio it was when he met Robin. He said she relaxed him. He said she was such a good person to play with that he became relaxed. He said she was his conduit to being relaxed.
Howard said he met Robin on the phone and he had a nice conversation with her. He said it took some time but then things clicked. He said Robin was the catalyst for getting him in the right zone to become the performer he wanted to become. He said he loves Robin. He said she made him a great performer. Robin said it wasn't like she didn't want him. She knew that. She said what she would do is sit in the news room preparing to come back and she would listen to Howard. She said she would wonder how she could make it better. She said she knew he was so talented but she wanted to help make it better. Robin said if she was going to be there she wanted to make it better. Howard said she did and that's what he's saying. He said he would notice it when she wasn't there. He said it was better when she was there. Robin said she didn't want to interrupt anything or stop anything. She said she wanted to make it better.
Howard said it's good they're ending this on a high note. Howard said find someone you appreciate and let them know you love them. Robin said it was an honor and a joy in her life when she was able to contribute.
Howard asked if they should tell Fred they love him. Robin said of course they should. Howard told Fred he loves him. Fred said that was very sweet with Robin. Robin said they both love Fred. She said he's like a maestro. Howard said he likes Fred's glasses. Fred said they're his $100 Lenscrafters glasses. Howard said he's thinking of getting something like that. He said he thinks he'll be able to see something. He said he wants some Mr. Magoo glasses. Fred said he sees it a lot now. He said Kurt Sutter has huge ass glasses. Howard said Kurt is a tough guy. He said he wouldn't fuck with him. Howard said he's going to draw the line at Fred with the love today. Fred did his Gary Puppet voice and said he had better say he loves him.
Howard asked if anyone loves Benjy. Robin said she and Benjy have been having a text love fest. She said that he got her number back when she was in the hospital. She said he kept the number and once in a while he sends her a text. She said last week they talked about animals and their short term love affair with them. She said Benjy texted her and said he loved hearing that term ''Short term love affair.'' Robin said she thanked Benjy for that and they had the bet over Jon Hein so he reached out to her about Venmo. Howard said he thinks she's making a huge mistake. He said no offense to Benjy but she's going to go down the rabbit hole with him and she'll want to get out eventually and she won't be able to. He said now she's encouraging him to write to her. Robin said oh no. She said she takes back everything she said.
Howard said he loves everyone there. He asked if Robin figured out how to pay Benjy. Robin said she sent him a Venmo payment. Howard said he's not sure what that is. Robin said it's a way to pay someone. Howard said just send him money. Robin said she can't stuff it through this machine. Robin said she still owes Sal. Sal said he emailed her last week. He said he sent her his Venmo information. He said Howard should try it because it's very convenient. Howard said he's not going to do that. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:45am.