Howard said he had read or heard that there were no black nominees and the voters are all white. Howard said they did have a black nominee and he won. Howard said he was getting confused by the whole thing. He said Beth was half asleep and he was wondering what they were talking about and asking her about it. He said the second one was won by a black guy too. He said it turns out it was about how there are no black voters. Robin said she still doesn't know who the Hollywood Foreign press is. She said it's an enigma to her. Howard said it's a mystery to him.
Howard said he has some things he can play from the show. He said this was the black gentleman winning the first award. He said that was Daniel Kaluuya. He said his microphone wasn't working. He played a clip.
Howard said that guy was British and the next guy who won was British too. Robin said she had no idea that guy was British. She said he never has an accent in any movie she sees. Howard said most of the winners were either black or British or both. He said he's not sure what the controversy was. He said that he missed the whole thing. He said he was trying to figure out what he missed there.
Howard said the whole show was so boring. Robin said it's really bad with no audience. she said that you usually watch to see people getting drunk with each other. Howard said his wife likes to see the actresses walk out in the hot outfits. He said you want to see tittie and leg. He said it's very disappointing to see people on Zoom. He said he's kind of sick of Zoom even though they can't do the show without it. Robin said it was hollow and not special. She said it was actually bad television.
Robin said she missed what Sacha Baron Cohen said. Howard said he has that clip. He said a couple of things happened there. He said they think Al Pacino fell asleep. He said he has him on the phone. He said it's no problem getting him on the phone. He said he's an older guy now but he met him at a party and he can get him on the phone. Howard picked up the phone and someone was snoring.
Fake Al woke up and asked if he won. Howard said they caught him sleeping on camera last night. Al said that his broom froze last night. He said he wasn't sleeping. Howard said it's called Zoom, not Broom. He said he doesn't mean to question him but he has to say something. Al said those awards have really gone down hill. Howard said he thinks it's a sign of the times. He asked why he thinks they went down hill. Al said when he was a young man he used to attend those awards when it was the golden era. He said they used to have movies like the Godfather and things like that. He said now they give it for Frances McDormand shitting in a bucket. Al said she shit right into a Home Depot bucket and that wins. Al said that no one told him back in his day to forget studying his lines. He said that you have to be able to walk into a KFC and shit in a bucket. Howard said Frances has done more than that. He said the whole movie wasn't about her defecating in a bucket.
Howard said if Al shit in a bucket it would be very memorable. Al said that he's an artist. He said he actually has to take a shit and maybe he should film it and give himself a nomination. Al said he'll film that mother fucker. Howard said he's so right. He said the movies he did were great. He said he knows he has to go to the bathroom but he did some great movies like The Godfather and that movie where he robbed a bank. Al said that was Dog Day Afternoon. Howard said he knows he has to shit so he'll let him go. Howard gave him a ''Hooo ahhh...'' Al did it and said he just shit his pants. He said he has no idea what he ate but it came out. He said he's turned into Wendy over there. Howard said he must listen to the show if he knows Wendy.
Howard let Al go and got back to the Golden Globe clips. He said that Tracy Morgan was being goofed on for giving out an ward for ''Soul'' and he called it ''Sal.'' Howard said he thought that was funny. He played a clip of Tracy announcing ''Sal.''
Howard said there was some new confusing thing they tried. He said they would cut to a commercial and they'd have people talking to one another for the next nomination. Robin said she thought it was odd that they would show an actor and then keep them up on the screen during the winner's speech. She said that was interesting. Howard said it's hard with these award shows.
Howard said the E! network had a 2 hour red carpet show with barely a red carpet. He said it was hosted by Nina Parker, Sarah Hyland and some guy. Howard said that they were the hosts of the red carpet show and they kept saying the word Tea. He said it means gossip. He said he's not sure what that means and why they're using it. He said we don't need a new word for gossip. He said things annoy the fuck out of him. Howard said he'd get mad at Robin if she said that. He said he'd tell her to stop it. Howard played a clip of the hosts talking about the ''T'' or ''Tea'' or whatever it was. The hosts kept saying it whenever they'd talk about gossip.
Howard said he doesn't know about that. Robin asked where that started. Howard said he doesn't like it. He said Gary was telling him his wife has used it. He said he told him he hopes he put a stop to that.
Howard said the other big news was from the gang there who told him that Jodie Foster accepted her award from her bedroom and her wife was in bed with her. Robin said she did see them together. She said she went to sleep around that time. She said she saw it for a second. Howard said that's rare because for a long time they had no idea she had a wife. Howard said he doesn't care about the speech but he does want to see the video. Robin said she was really not camera ready but her wife was dressed up.
Howard asked if they were scissoring or anything or were they just laying there or what. He said that he heard about it and was wondering how John Hinckley feels now. He said he was trying to impress Jodie Foster by shooting the President. He said that he must feel like an idiot. he said he'd love to do a show where he finds women who would date John Hinckley. Robin had mentioned that he had a few women who did date him.
Howard said it's remarkable that he has women who will date him. He said it really is a man's world. He said that his mother would say that to him when he was growing up. He said she was right. He asked what kind of person you have to be to date John Hinckley. He said that Manson had women too. He said that he wasn't able to get women for years and he figured he'd better be quiet about that. Robin said even Ted Bundy was dating. Howard said it's a tough world out there. Howard said you have to be really desperate to date a John Hinckley. He said some woman has seen something in him. Howard said that was a big deal to the guys there when they saw Jodie Foster and her wife there.
Howard said imagine you're dating someone and she leaves you for John Hinckley. He said that used to drive him nuts when his mother would say it was a man's world. He said he bets that Boston Bomber guy is rolling in pussy. He imagined the kind of letters he'd get from women.
Howard said they put that Boston Bomber on the cover of Rolling Stone. He said people were upset about that. He did his impression of a woman talking about how into the guy she was. He had her talking about how cute he is and how she was into seeing people's legs flying into the air. Fred played a computer keyboard sound as the woman was writing to the bomber guy. She used all kinds of bomb references as she was writing this letter to the bomber.
Howard said the Boston bomber is getting more pussy than he ever did. Robin said he would if he could get to it. Howard did more of his impression of the woman writing the letter.
Howard said it really is a man's world. He said not for him but for other men. He said it's really weird.
Howard said before he gets off the Golden Globes he has to see what else he has. He said he's not sure how he got off on this stuff. He said he's off on the Boston Bomber. He said he hopes that guy is in hell in that prison where he's at. He said he hopes someone is working him out in prison. Robin said she has no idea.
Howard asked what would be worse, your daughter is dating John Hinckley or the Boston Bomber. Robin said she would think the Boston Bomber would be the worst. Howard said he thinks she's right. He did more of his impression of a woman who would date one of those guys. He had the woman talking about the passion the guy had and how she was looking for a guy like that. He said he wants to interview the parents of the person who dates someone like that. He said that's who he really wants. He had the woman talking about how she'd dating half of ISIS.
Robin said The Bachelor doesn't seem so bad after that. Howard said he and his kids get on Zoom and talk on the weekend and they were talking about Chris Harrison leaving The Bachelor.
Robin asked if they think he should have lost his job. Howard said he understands that he really fucked up and said some things that he shouldn't have. He said he's just a dopey guy and he's trying to be profound. Robin said it was ABC who let him talk about that stuff so maybe they should be fired. Howard said Chris should have just said he sits and watches people fuck in the fantasy suite. He said he's not supposed to talk about that stuff. He said he was racesplaining to a black woman. He said he's the guy from The Bachelor. He said that he's not supposed to comment on that stuff. He said he just loves when he says ''This is the final rose.'' He said other people just aren't good at it.
Howard said Chris could promise to never talk about anything but that Bachelor rose thing and he could get his job back. He said it would be funny if they didn't replace him but have a Flat Chris Harrison like their Flat Ronnie. He said they could just have a virtual Chris Harrison. He said his daughter's wanted him out of there so he was like ''Oh no.''
Robin said they had a replacement for Chris and he's going to handle the final rose. Howard asked about John Hinckley as the new host. He said that would combine all of that together.
Howard said this new host is Emmanuel Acho. He said he's a former football player.
Howard said Chris Harrison isn't on Cameo anymore. He said they took him off of there too. Robin said he was on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune. Howard asked if Chris should get a shot at hosting again. Robin said he has to make a Sal type apology. Howard said he likes Chris and didn't know his views on race. Robin said they never should have known them. Howard said how about put him on a plantation and let him learn there. Howard said how about they starve the racism out of him.
Howard asked Robin what she really thinks about this. Robin said there's no difference between Chris before and after that interview he did. She said he was doing the job and he can still do the job he was doing. She said that he never should have been asked about racism.
Howard said The Bachelor is a show where strangers come to fuck according to Bill Maher. He said what's great is that the show was getting criticized for never having a black bachelor but then they got one and that got them into more trouble. Robin said it got them into more trouble than ever.
Howard said he has an idea. He said how about Chris Harrison converts to the nation of Islam. Robin said he can't do that. Howard said he can picture him getting in and wearing that bow tie. He said that he'd always have his fist up and always have that bow tie.
Howard asked if that would do anything for the guy. He said they'll see what happens. Howard asked if Robin thinks Chris could make a comeback. Robin said she thinks so. Howard said hosting isn't so easy. He said just look at what's going on over at Jeopardy. He said they knew Alex was dying for 2 years and they could have had a smooth transition of power with someone else. Robin said if they had been working on that it would have been a diaster. She said when people found out they would have been outraged.
Howard said he did go and watch some Jeopardy with Ken Jennings hosting. He said he wasn't bad for an amateur. He said he wasn't a professional announcer. He said now they have the Executive Producer of the show filling in for Alex. He said he was better than Ken but even he wasn't professional. He said there are plenty of guys who could be hosting that show. He said it's very much contingent upon the delivery of the host. Robin said you shouldn't be thinking about the host. Howard said she's right.
Howard said he has a bet with Jon Hein about the host of the show. He said that Ken Jennings hosted for 2 weeks and now the Executive Producer is hosting. He said that they have to have a smooth talking guy hosting the show.
Howard said that JD was talking about his issues with Ken Jennings. JD said he has a thing with his voice. He did an impression of that bit of a speech impediment he has.
Howard had a clip of Ken Jennings doing his thing on the show. He said it's too annoying. Howard said he has a clip of Alex doing his first show and he was very professional sounding. Howard said he was moving fast and it was good even on the first show.
Howard said that back in the day the had guys like Bob Barker, Bill Cullen and other radio guys doing those jobs. He said they had such great guys like Gene Rayburn and guys like that who were so smooth. He said radio guys have so little hope but hey can do those jobs hosting game shows. He said that they just have to keep working on their announcing. He said that Jim Kerr should be hosting Jeopardy. He said he ash that smooth delivery. He said Ryan Seacrest never messes up on the shows he hosts. Robin said Dick Clark used to host game shows. Howard said he did. He said he was smooth.
Howard said Bob Barker started out in radio. He said those guys are good at their job. He said look at how smooth Alex was on his first Jeopardy show. Howard played more of Alex and then some more of Ken Jennings. JD said he talks like he's giving a tour of the studio or something.
Howard got Jon on and asked if he still thinks he's going to be the permanent host of Jeopardy. Jon said he'll double the bet. He said he wants to go 100 with JD. He said that JD agreed with him at one point. JD said that was before he hosted. He said it's gone down hill since. Jon said okay. Robin asked if he sees a difference. Jon said he does. He said he gets all of their raps but he still thinks that Jeopardy is all about the game and not about the host. Howard said that's wrong. Howard said hosting is where you disappear because you're so good at the job. He said you play along and you don't want to be thinking about the host. He said you need a professional announcer. He said Bob Eubanks was a DJ and they got him to host The Dating Game. He said you weren't thinking about him as the host. He said he was good at the job. He said it makes the show seem more important when you have a good announcer. He said the standards have gone down on game shows. He said he wants to make America go back to picking radio announcers as the hosts of these shows. He said stop trying to reinvent the wheel.
Howard said Tom Bergeron would be fabulous on Jeopardy. He said he's a little better than the nerds but not a lot. He said he's king of the dipshits. He said he's no nerd. He said by the way Tom Bergeron never go on Access Hollywood and discuss race relations.
Howard said Monty Hall was the perfect host. He said if you asked him about race relations he would have said leave me aloe. He said that if you ask someone on a game show to go off script hey fuck it up all the time. He said they have to make someone like Spider Harrison the host of Jeopardy. Robin said how about Shadoe Stevens. Howard said he was great on Hollywood Squares. He said no one thought about him during the show. He said that's what makes a great host.
Howard said Art Fleming was a great radio guy before he got into hosting a game show. He said that he was a great announcer. He said they asked him what he thinks of an Antebellum party and he says he just reads cards and goes home. He said that he won't talk about reparations for slavery.
Howard said they got a hold of Chris Harrison for an hour and he should have kept quiet but he just had to talk. He said that he should have been like the road Runner running through the wall when they asked about that stuff.
Howard said Ken Jennings is a software engineer before Jeopardy. Robin said they don't talk to people.
Howard said you have to hear this. He said Ralph was kicked off of Twitter so he gave him a segment called Beef of the Week and it's about Ken Jennings. Howard played a clip of Ralph talking about how Jeopardy sucks now with Ken Jennings hosting. He said he had no voice and no presence. He said he's not sure what was going on at ABC the past 2 years. He said they knew Alex was dying. He went off on Vanna White too.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Ken Jennings is very good and she thinks that people on social media are going off on him. She said that JD has no reason to comment on that. Howard said Mariann says that Ken is good. Mariann said that Ken is going to be there for a very long time. She said she's committed to him. She said that Bill Maher said that Chris Harrison shouldn't have lost his job. She said he was so right. She said that his girls should have asked why he watches The Bachelor too. Howard said they know him better than anyone.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he heard Jon is handing out $100 bills so he'd like to take one. Jon said he gets what they're saying but the ratings have gone up every week that he hosted. He said that they're not going to walk away from that.
Howard asked if he's saying that the two weeks he hosted so far are the highest. Jon said that he hosted more than 2 weeks. He said the ratings are there. He said they weren't higher than when Alex hosted but they have been going up. Howard said they could say that he took them down. Jon said he is improving every week and he thinks he'll be the next host. Ralph said he'll bet him on that. Jon said he'll take that. Howard said now he has $100 with him, JD and Ralph. Ralph said the Executive Producer is better. Jon said he was a game show host.
Ralph said he will give him the top 5 list of hot chicks at the Golden Globes. He said he'll wait for him to watch it. Howard said he wants to hear it now.
Howard said that the ratings slipped in the last week of Ken Jennings hosting. Jon said they have increased every single week. He said he's reading it right now. He said he should look that up.
Howard said he wants to hear this list Ralph has. He asked if he's starting with number 5. Ralph said he is. He said it was tough. He said it was between Gal Gadot and Tina Fey. He said Tina beat out Gal for number 5. Howard said Tina Fey is so hot. JD said he thinks that Amy Poehler looked smoking hot. Howard asked JD what he would do to her sexually. JD said he would do whatever she wanted to do. Howard asked if he'd give it to her anally. JD said he's not into that. Howard asked JD if Amy asked him to eat her ass would he do that. JD said yes. He said if she didn't shower in 2 days he's not going to do that. Howard asked if he would do it if she said she only had a slight odor. JD said this fantasy doesn't sound very good. He said this whole thing is very weird for him.
Howard said imagine that Amy asks JD to do something like put peanut butter in her ass. JD said no. Ralph said do something to her. JD said he'd fuck her and then fuck her from behind and stuff like that. Robin gave him a look and said that's why he doesn't do this stuff. Howard said this sounds like a prison rape.
Howard said Ralph is giving his top 5 women at the Golden Globes. He said he thinks Tina Fey looked great. He said he's not sure how old she is but she looks really good. He said you don't think she can be because she's funny. He said you expect her to be wearing flats. Robin said she keeps the glasses too. She said that she's intellectual and hot. Ralph said the glasses are dirty.
Howard asked who is at number 4. Ralph said Margot Robbie. Howard said she looked good.
Ralph said at number 3 he has Andra Day. He said at number 2 was Amanda Seyfried. He said she's always hot. He said at number 1 he has that Anya Taylor-Joy. He didn't know her name so the guys had to fill him in. JD said she looked okay. He said Amy looked better than her. Ralph said he's crazy. He said you can't compare the two.
Howard asked if JD would fuck Amy over that Queens Gambit chick. JD said he would. He said she looked amazing. He said that Anya isn't his type.
Howard said that JD gave them a list of his favorite porn movies. He had a list of the type of things he likes to see in porn. Howard read the list and JD had one where he described a woman doing cowgirl. He said that he also likes to see POV of a guy looking at a woman giving oral. He said he likes doggy style too. He said at number 4 is tit fucking. Howard asked if JD would do that to Amy. JD said he would if she wanted. Ralph said he didn't know that people really did that in real life. He said you only see that in movies. Howard asked JD if he has done that. JD said he has. Robin asked if that was fun. JD said it was fun for him.
Howard said he doesn't think Robin would hold still for that. Robin said she's not going to sit there like a mixing bowl and let him squirt stuff on her chest. Howard said he's going to hold those things together and fuck them. He did his impression of JD doing that.
Howard said he's imagining that these women have huge titties that JD did this to. He asked if they have at least a C or D. JD said yes. Howard asked if he asks them if he can put the lube on them. JD said he hasn't done this in a long time. He said he has done it straddling and also sitting down. He said that she's able to move her boobs up and down. He said she's on her knees and bent over and moves her boobs up and down. Howard asked how he asks about lubing it up. JD said she might drool down there. Ralph sounded grossed out by that. Howard asked if he's with Wendy with her drooling. JD said no.
Howard went through the whole thing with JD and asked what the girl is doing and how she drools on her own tits and how that works. JD said it can lead to other things or it can finish him off. Ralph said he would think that he'd do it with her on her back. He said JD is doing it while sitting. Howard said he has to meet the girl who did that with JD. JD said that's alright. Howard asked if it was a one nigher or a girl he dated. JD said probably both. Ralph said she probably killed herself.
Howard said JD was sitting in a chair and these women are unbelievable doing this for him. Howard said the woman wraps her boobs around his penis. He said that he'd think that he'd hold on to a woman like that. JD laughed. He said he'd rather not get into it but he may have paid for some of that or someone may have paid for him. He said it may have happened in back rooms. Howard said he gets it now. He said that girl is now dating John Hinckley Jr. He said he's just kidding of course.
Howard took a call from fake JD's wife who was giving a list of the hottest guys. She said John Candy, Ken Jennings, Jonah Hill and... Howard said that's enough of that. JD said they're very successful men. Howard said good for JD.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along with ''Give it Away'' a little bit. He said his is the best song they ever did. He sang some ''Hey now'' in there too. He said everyone loves Hey Now.
Howard said he never played the Sacha Baron Cohen clips from the Golden Globes. He said Ralph had Tina Fey right up at number 5. He said that's rare for a hot girl list from Ralph. Robin said what an honor. Howard said she must be feeling really good today. He said she really did look good. Robin said she's not sure what happened the rest of the evening but she was wearing a tuxedo kind of thing at the start of the show and her's was very good looking. Howard said she looked good in the mini dress. He said his wife says that it's best not to show all parts but just show one part. He said Tina went with her legs so that was good. He said she looked really good and his mind was wandering. He said he was thinking about what a package she is. He said you think she's great but maybe she's depressed walking around the house trying to come up with more ideas.
Howard said he was listening to the band Haim over the weekend and he was listening to this song ''The Steps'' that they do. He played some of the song for Robin. Robin said she doesn't know this song. Howard said he was thinking that it would be hot to be with one of them. He said they can write songs and they would be downstairs rehearsing. He said you get to bang one of them. He said that's sexy.
Robin said Maren Morris is married to a song writer so they have a new song out where they sing together. Howard said the reality with him would be her needing to concentrating on him 24 hours a day. Robin said tat Howard could never have a relationship with Tina Fey working away from him for a month at a time. Howard said he'd need her around all the time. He said he and his wife haven't seen other people in a year now. He said March 12th is the day. He said he tells her that he doesn't get enough time with her and he needs more but they're locked in a house together. He said he wants too much. He said he's an intense guy. He said he feels like he needs to be handcuffed to her.
Howard said their friends ask when they're coming out of the house. He said Beth likes being in there too. Robin said she got annoyed with him though. Howard said she did say that he's too intense. He said that he does need her though. He said he and Tina Fey would never last together. He said she wouldn't be around enough.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's thinking about JD and the tittie fucking thing with Robin. He said he can't get enough of that. Howard said just imagine JD sticking that penis in there. He said Robin would draw the line there with that. Howard was doing his JD impression asking Robin to drool on her titties. Howard asked what the strangest thing a guy has ever asked Robin to do. Robin said a guy has never asked her to do anything strange. Howard said he's so conventional in bed. He said he thinks she'd be bored. Robin said she just wants to get it done. Howard said he'd just want to get it done so they can watch ''I Am Jazz.'' Robin said she doesn't know about that. Howard said he and Beth were talking and they'd want someone like Jazz as their child. He said that she's very delightful and a sweet kid. He said that she's going to Harvard.
Howard said that Jazz got into Harvard and some other school you've never heard of and she doesn't know which one to pick. He said of course you pick Harvard. Howard said if you go there you have it made. He said Jazz has to go to Harvard. Robin said not every bit school works for every person. Howard said he doesn't care. He said if he was smart enough to get in there he would have been roommates with Tom Morello. Robin said Tom isn't that old. Howard said Conan O'Brien then.
Howard said Harvard used to have mixers and he would hear about them when he was going to Boston University. He said that women would go crazy over that. He said they wanted to date someone going to Harvard. Howard said that they would announce the mixer and Boston University would empty out. He said all of the women would drive up to Harvard. He said he wishes he could have gone there. He said he could have been like Superman. He said women would be looking for the lube for their titties.
Howard said Jazz is choosing between Harvard and Pomona. He said that's just 35 miles outside of LA. He said she wants to major in being a loser. He said that's some choice there. He said it's not the University of Pennsylvania and Harvard. He said go to Harvard.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who asked if he'd rather be stranded on deserted island with Gary or Fred. Howard picked Gary. Robin said she'd take Fred. Howard said Fred would eat him. Robin said Fred could build a shelter and find food. Howard said he knows that Fred could do all of that. He said Gary talks. He said Fred barely says anything. He said if the island is desolate he's going with Gary. He said if he's really stranded Fred would be the handy guy. He said you'd go cuckoo talking to Fred for 2 days. He said with Gary's teeth you could open up some coconuts. He said he finds Gary interesting. He said Fred would be crafty but then you'd have to talk to him.
Howard said he forgot about that. He said that he did wonder who says something like that.
Howard said that Gary sent him something that Rick Dees sent over and he had Rick's email. He said that he asked if that was his email. He said Gary told him that it was and he never told him that Rick has been sending these lovely emails over the years about how great the show is. Gary said he has forwarded them to him. Howard said he's never gotten them. Gary said yes he has. He said Michael is a piece of shit. He said that this is just douchy. He said he just said he doesn't want to bring up anything bad but then he brings this stuff up. He said that he just woke up this morning to fuck with him and he should admit that.
Michael said this is so angry and attacking. Howard said he had forgotten about Gary shitting all over his parade that day. Howard said this was coming back for 5 more years and Gary did tell him that not everyone was happy about it. He said people online weren't happy about it. Howard said he let it go though. Michael said that's good. He said it's nice that he's not suppressing it.
Gary went off on Michael and Michael went back at him calling him an animal. Howard said he doesn't know what it is that makes him forget about that stuff. He said he forgot completely about it. He said maybe that's how he was trained as he was young.
Michael and Gary went back and forth arguing about that and Michael denied that he just called in to stir this stuff up. Howard said he did forget about it. He asked Gary why he did it that day. Gary said he thought it would be interesting to talk about it that day. He said that was a mistake on his part.
Howard asked if Michael thinks that Gary secretly hates him and is envious of him. Michael said if he was on that island with Gary he would sleep with one eye open. Howard said he might be right. He said he'd have to go with Fred maybe.
Howard asked Gary how his knees are doing. Gary said they're great. He said the blisters are all gone and he's doing 40 minutes on the elliptical and doing really well. He said that they still hurt a little bit but that's the healing. He said he takes the dog for walks and stuff and he's feeling great. He said he's doing much better than he was before. Howard let Michael go after that.
Howard said this weekend he was in his office playing tapes of Gary's audio book. He said he was playing it and saying to himself ''Who would buy this book? It's torture.'' He said it was crazy that he put this book out. He said he was playing the clips and his wife was trying to take a nap. He said he's not sure if she was listening or not. He said she asked ''What is that?'' and he told her what it was. He said it was the They Call Me Baba Booey book. He said she asked who would buy that. He said that's what he thought.
Howard said Gary is turning 60 so he thought it would be interesting to play those clips. He said that he asked the guys to send over a bunch. He said this is the part of the book where Gary talks about getting distracted while hearing radio countdowns while mowing the lawns in the neighborhood. Howard played the clip where Gary talked about that. Howard said he's playing this in his office and Beth had to ask what he was listening to. He said he got to like the 4th clip when she finally asked what it was.
Howard said Gary has had such a boring life that he wrote about mowing the lawn and listening to songs on a countdown. Fred did his Gary puppet thing and had him talking about how it took him a year to mow a lawn.
Howard said no one liked Casey Kasem either. He said Gary said he liked that. Gary said he did like hearing the facts. Robin said she likes that he talked about propping the radio up on his mower handle. Howard said there are so many details in there.
Howard played another clip of Gary talking about an art class he was in and how he listened to music in that class. He was talking to a girl in class about who sings all of those songs.
Howard said he has to ask Gary a question. He asked when he brought that manuscript to the editor what did they say to him. He asked if they said it was like seventh grade stuff. Gary said this is exactly what they wanted. Howard said it's crazy. He said it's all meaningless. He said he knew Band on the Run was Paul McCartney. He said this is Gary's opportunity to write a book and this is what he wrote. Robin said that Gary remembers what he was wearing back then. Howard said he can't even remember his last fight with Gary. He said Michael Rapaport had to remind him.
Howard said Gary claims that he did most of the audio book in one take. He said that's how good he is at reading.
Howard said this is a clip of Gary talking about how being a clerk at Record World was the best job he ever had. He said that would be one sentence in most books. He said Gary did a whole chapter about it. He said he does a whole paragraph about what the store looked like. Howard played a clip of Gary talking about that.
Howard said he's reading a book about a guy who was in the army and you can't put it down. He said this book that Gary wrote is incredible. Gary puppet talked about the lighting in the record store and went on and on about that.
Howard said he has always wondered where guys who worked at Record World got their lunch. He said now he knows thanks to Gary's book. Gary talked about getting their lunch at Woolworth's.
Howard played more audio of Gary talking about working in the store and what that was like. Gary said he has to admit that some of this is hard to defend. Howard said Gary doesn't talk about working with Joel Rifkin but he did. He said he remembers eating and shitting and what albums came in but not working with Joel Rifkin. Gary said he really doesn't remember it that well. He said nothing happened.
Howard said the book company that put the book out closed down. He said that was Spiegel & Grau. Gary said the book is still available. Howard said this audio book is over 7 hours long.
Howard said that Gary is so proud of his knowledge of music. He played a clip where Gary talked about how proud he was that he could name songs if someone asked about them in the store.
Howard said he's bragging about knowing music but he never made any of his own. Howard took a call from Gary Audio book who was going on and on about working at Record World. Howard cut him off and said thank you. Gary clips kept going.
Howard said he's out of his mind thinking that he would want to be on a deserted island with Gary. Gary said he's right because he has no skills and he realizes that when he watches The Wilds. He said he could be Howard's personal jukebox on the island though.
Fred did his Gary puppet reading the book and Howard had to cut him off. Howard asked Gary why he remembers all of this but not Joel Rifkin. He asked if the other guys knew a lot too. Gary said they worked well as a team. Howard said this stuff is wild. He said that he chased his wife right out of the room.
Howard said in this clip Gary talks about being ''that guy'' and this is the full story behind it. Howard played the clip where Gary talked about ''that guy'' and that's when he said he left the room and Beth got fed up too. Howard played more of the clip where Gary talked about how proud he was of being able to tell people what songs they were looking for.
Howard said if he hadn't tapped Gary to be producer of the show he thinks he would still be at Record World. He said this skill is so useless. Howard did his impression of Gary talking about that stuff. Gary Puppet got in on that too.
Howard said Jon Hein feels he could beat Gary at music history. Gary said it would be ''Stump the Booey.'' Howard said now Gary is backing out of it. Gary said he's not backing out. He said he said he'd be happy to play him but they want him to play for stakes that he didn't want to deal with. He said they say the loser can't ever vote for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ever again. He said he's not going to play for that.
Howard asked Jon if he thinks he can beat Gary. Jon said he feels confident. He said that he would give it a shot. Robin asked if he can tell what song it is from a few notes. Jon said he thinks so. Howard said Jon lit up at this idea of putting up stakes. Howard said he thinks it's a good bet. Gary said he wasn't interested in doing this and he didn't know here would be consequences. Jon said they could do it for a shorter period of time. Gary said he would do it for a year. He said he'd give up his vote for one year. Howard said okay then the winner gets to vote the way he wants to with both votes. He said the loser has to vote the way the winner wants. Gary said he would go with that.
Gary said he's not sure about Iron Maiden but Jon would let them in. Jon said he would consider them. He said Gary is more into hip hop than he is and he's more into heavy stuff. He said it all depends on who is on the ballot.
Gary said Tom Morello made him think that he should go back and listen to metal more and he appreciated what he had to say.
Howard said Gary Audio book is back on the phone. He took the call and Gary was going on and on about how many records came in box at Record world and how many Michael Jackson Thriller albums they sold when that came out.
Howard said he thinks on his dying day that's what's going to go through his mind. He said he'll be thinking about Gary. They played a song parody where they played clips of Gary talking about that stuff.
Howard said he knows that's what will be going through his mind that day. He said it's fabulous. Gary said thank you.
Jon said he was going to say that Gary is amazing with the details. He said he can tell you song title and artist but Gary has so many other details. Howard said he would feel bad if that was his thing. He said he'd feel bad if he was that guy. Gary said Howard is one of a kind so of course he'd be upset to be him. Howard said take up guitar playing or something. He said you just practice every day for 8 hours a day.
Howard asked when Gary's birthday is coming up. Gary said on March 14th. Howard said he met him when he was a young man. Gary said he was 23 at the time. Howard said Gary has been with him all this time. Howard said Boy Gary is now 60. He said that's mind blowing to him. Robin said he is ''that guy'' now. Howard said he's looking forward to Gary and Jon going at each other in Stump the Booey. He said they're going to do a super edition of the game. Gary said he's already practicing. He said he goes on Spotify and he'll play the songs until he gets one that he doesn't know. He said then he'll write it down. He said he's practicing.
Howard asked Jon what he's doing to practice. Jon said he dos something similar to Gary. He said that he also does this thing where the song stops after 10 seconds. He said that Gary is the champ and so many songs start off with a horrible synthesizer and they all sound alike. He said he's going to give it his best shot and hopefully he'll take down the champ.
Howard said this is like a test. He said he took the Stanley Kaplan practice test for the SAT tests and didn't do very well. He said that he didn't think he had any ability to take these SAT tests. He said his parents sent him to this practice test thing. He said they were all going to improve their scores. He said to prepare they give him a big list of things to study. He said he remembers the first word in this book being Dogmatic. He said that he didn't know what it meant. He said he had to look it up. He said he had to memorize that. He said they tell you to go out and use that word. He said he memorized that word and it took him a week to work on this. He said he was banking on it being on the test. He said he took the SAT and there was no Dogmatic in there. He said he went down 100 points after talking that practice test. He said that this girl Marjorie went with him and they all went up 1000 points. He said the more you study the less you know. Robin said that's not the moral of the story. Howard said his father wanted to rip his head off. He said that class wasn't cheap. He said it wasn't a help either.
Howard did impressions of his mother and father talking about the SAT tests and the practice tests. He said his father always let him know how hard it was to make money. Gary asked if he said to him that he wasted his money. He said that's like calling him stupid. Howard said that's why he has to make fun of Gary for an hour.
Howard said in honor of Gary's birthday he has a Flirty Gary phony phone call. He said that he could write a book about that. He said everyone loves a good Flirty Gary call. He said that Gary will call and give the worst pick up lines. He said this is an education. He said he gives them lines that anyone would hang up on but they love them. Gary said his wife hates the lines. He said he will say them and she hates it. He said he played her one of the calls and she didn't think it was funny at all. He said he doesn't know what she thinks.
Howard said in October they called a woman who he got in contact with on a small penis dating site. Howard played some of that call where they had Gary using his pick up lines on her and she was going along with them.
Howard said whenever he hears this routine he wonders who these women are. Robin said they are desperate. Howard said they put Gary's picture up on Grindr once and they had to shut it down because he got so many messages. Gary said he didn't know that. Howard said gay men love Gary. He said imagine the life he'd be having if he was gay. Robin said he'd be dead from the action he got.
Howard said there's a web site for the Insane Clown Posse fans that are called Juggalos. He said they wondered how Flirty Gary would go over on their dating site. He said they set him up as Violent G. He said they connected Gary with a woman named Toy. He said this is the call. He played the call where Gary comes on to her with some Juggalo talk and pick up lines. Toy was laughing and seemed to like all of the corny lines he had for her. The call went on for a few minutes and Toy seemed to want more. Flirty Gary said he really has to go.
Howard said no wonder he could never get women. He said that he has to tell him that he never strikes out. He said this woman is super good looking too. He said she put up with that crap and she's in love with him. He asked why he never strikes out. Gary said that you just have to be dumb but funny. Robin said she would have been out at ''Hello, hello.''
Howard said he has to know what they like about Gary. He said they called Toy after and she was practically gushing over him. He had some audio of Toy talking about how great he was. Wolfie was the one doing the interview with Toy about Flirty Gary. She said she loved that he was so open and fun. She said that was fire to her.
Gary said he was looking at a picture of her and he's wondering what would happen if he showed up. He said she's beautiful. Howard said Gary was saying he asked his wife if she wanted to make out on Valentine's day. He said she said no. Howard said he's thinking if he became Flirty Gary he'd have an endless party. He asked if that drives him nuts. Gary said he doesn't because he can't imagine he and Toy would have a future together. He said they might have fun but it wouldn't last long.
Howard said he's looking forward to Gary and Jon doing the Stump the Booey thing. He said his money is on Gary. Robin said her's too. Howard said he's going to bet with people that day. He said he's not sure who will bet against Gary but he will bet. He said it's going to be Booey Vs. Foody. Howard said JD says he'll bet against Gary. He said that's because Jon and JD are best buddies. JD said that Gary said that he's not as sharp as he once was. Gary said he might be playing them. JD said he'll do it just for the action then.
Howard said he wants to do a try out with Jon to see if he can get just 7 out of 10. Gary said Jon is very good and if he beats him it'll be like by one. JD said he might have some knowledge of the inner workings of how things work there. Gary said he has a list of like 10 songs that he doesn't know and they never turn up in the contests. Howard said that's his point. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along with the Lennon song a little bit. He said he doesn't know the lyrics very well but you get the point. Robin said his music is timeless. She said that it's still relevant today.
Howard said John Lennon once wrote that he was sick of reading what big headed politicians had to say. He said he wonders what he would have thought of Trump. He said that Ted Cruz had the balls to get up and joke about going to Cancun. He said he must think they'll still reelect him down there in Texas.
Howard said he was looking at this new head of the CIA that Biden put in. He said he was thinking about Saul from Homeland. He said he wonders if the guys are really like that in the real CIA. He said they have to be able to read through the real bullshit and scams. He said it must be like the movies. Robin said she thinks that they're doing the same thing on the other side. Robin said we were hacked and had bots put into major technology and find out what they already found out.
Howard said this guy William Burns will figure it out. He said he's not sure where this guy came from but you're not supposed to know. He said there are people who will come over here and fuck with you. He said he hopes this guy is like Saul. Robin said that guy was in jail and things. Howard said that's true. He said Claire Danes has saved the country many times and people still hate her.
Howard said he's watching the show Clarice and she does that same voice that Jodie Foster did. He said she didn't need to do that. He said that she has solved every single problem in that show so far. Robin said she can see things other people can't see. Howard said the great part is that they all hate her for figuring it all out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he remembers that early on in 2020 he said this pandemic was going to go on for like 18 months and everyone thought he was nuts. Howard said he makes predictions and he is right sometimes. He said that this could go on for another 6 months. He said that people did ask how long this was going to last and he said at least 18 months. He said they're hoping that by the end of the summer it might be over. He said that would be around 18 months. He said he hopes he's right. He said there are mutations.
Howard asked if the caller's real name is Keegan. Keegan said it is. Howard said he sounds like a young guy. Robin said he just told him he's 23. Howard said he missed that. Howard said he hopes that this will only be 18 months. Robin said people are already planning spring break trips. Howard said he's hoping that the economy will get strong too. He said that people will have stimulus checks and all of that.
Robin said she watched Coming 2 America. Howard said he wasn't able to watch it. Robin said she finally figured it out. Howard said his didn't load. He said they fucked up. Robin said he's in for a treat. She said he's going to love it. she said she was laughing out loud all by herself. She said Eddie Murphy is such a funny guy. Howard said he was afraid to watch it. He said Coming to America was a great movie. He said Arsenio will be on the show tomorrow.
Howard said he was thinking maybe they shouldn't have made the movie because it was such a great movie. He said that he will ask Arsenio about it tomorrow but he heard that Eddie wanted Tracy to play his son. He said that would have been hysterical. He said that he would have been too old for it. Robin said Tracy is in it. Howard said he knows. Robin said this movie is about him going to find his son and it's a romantic comedy. She said so was the first one. She said they managed to have written a story where Eddie is practically in every scene and that's what you need. Robin said the barbers are still alive and look the same as they did in the first one. Howard said he's looking forward to it now.
Howard said they got some fan feedback about Tom Morello. He read through some of that. He said he had a gas talking to that guy. Howard read about some of the things they talked about in that interview.
Howard said they got some feedback about the gender reveal parties they discussed last week. Howard said people agreed with him about what he said about that.
Howard said they played a clip of Ronnie having a brain fart on the air. He said they got a lot of feedback about that. Howard said some people wrote in about how he may be showing signs of early dementia and he should have someone keep an eye on him when he moves to Las Vegas.
Howard said Ronnie is fine. Robin said he's a fascinating medical experiment. Howard read more feedback about Ronnie and how people think he needs to chill instead of freaking out.
Howard said he hopes Ronnie will be okay. He asked if he's okay. Ronnie got on and said he's fine. Howard asked if his brain has frozen at all. Ronnie said they asked him more questions on Friday but it was fine. He said they were asking him question after question and he was fine. Robin said that's good to know.
Howard said finally Bobo was in the email. He said people are still angry at him for his calls to the show. He read some feedback about how no one cares about his topics for the show.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he was hit with ''shrap-mel'' again. Howard read more feedback about Bobo and people do like that it leads to the song parodies that they play. Bobo said you can't please everyone. Robin said Bobo can't please anyone.
Howard asked if it's true that his family wants him out of the house and that's why he calls the show. Bobo said he's in the house now. He said he's in his office today so case closed.
Bobo said that he has a lot to say about this Tiger Woods accident. He said that he was probably driving too fast and he should have been in a lower gear. He said it was ''Driwer ewwor.'' Bobo said some people go down hills in neutral. He said you never do that. Howard thanked him for the call. Robin said she hopes that Tiger takes Bobo along with him when he's able to drive again. Bobo said he should never drive himself around again and should get a driver. Howard ended the show around 10:20am.
Howard started the show talking about the opening song he has where he and Rob Zombie sing together. He wondered who played guitar on it. He said he didn't know about this guy John 5. He said they sang over a track and maybe it was John. He said that he was on Facebook last night and he was watching stuff and you go down a rabbit hole. He said the next thing he knew he was on YouTube watching John 5 playing songs. He said it was like an hour long and it was this guy John 5 playing guitar and he was quite excellent. He said they have these old guitars at the Hard Rock and this dude let John 5 play them. He said he was freaking out playing the guitars. He said he spent his whole night watching that. He said he was handed guitars from the Hard Rock collection and playing them.
Robin asked if he was just trying them out. Howard said he's so good he'd start playing songs that were played on those guitars. Howard said the riffs are pretty complicated but this John 5 knew them. He said to pull them up that quickly seemed pretty complex to him. He said he's not a guitar player so he doesn't know but the guy would just play a song. He said he was really good.
Howard said he looked John 5 up and found out he used to play for Marilyn Manson. He said he got his name because he sat down with Marilyn who gives people names like that. He said he always thought if you were in his band you'd get your first name from a female iconic film star and then a serial killer's name. He said all of the guys had names like that. He said it was women and then a serial killer.
Howard said all he knows is he's into John 5 now. He said he was just playing on these guitars and it was fascinating. Robin asked how he ended up in rob's band. Howard said he thinks he just plays with him sometimes. He said he refers to him as ''Zombie'' and not even Rob. Robin said they have to refer to him as Zombie too.
Howard said this is what he does in his spare time. He said it's quite good. He gave the video name that was really long and ended with ''This will blow your mind.'' Howard said the guys were all talking about how great it was that they were able to do this.
Howard said at one point they were talking about the guitars and one of them was Paul Stanley's and they were talking about the buttons and pick ups and stuff on it. He said they were talking about so many different types of guitars too. He said they got into the details about that stuff.
Howard said he got obsessed with why John 5 left Marilyn Manson. He said he had to know. He said he had a big falling out with Marilyn and John said that Marilyn's personal life clashed with his professional life. He said they parted company and he kept his name John 5. He said that wasn't enough detail for him. Robin said it is for her. Howard said he wants to know what they had a falling out about.
Robin said Marilyn has a lot of problems of his own now. Howard said he knows that. He said John continues to work with Rob. He said they collaborate on albums now. Howard said that's how he spent his night.
Robin asked if he had anything to do with The great American Nightmare. Howard said he thinks so. He said when Rob opened the birthday show John was there.
Howard said yesterday he sat down to watch and the movie had no audio. He said they reloaded the movie and it still had no audio. He said it's Amazon studios and they still don't know how to do this thing. He said he can't be doing this. He said he gets grumpy and frustrated from it all. He said watching a movie shouldn't be like diffusing a bomb. He said he can't do this anymore. He said he doesn't want to see movies in advance. Robin said she doesn't have the PIX system and every time they send her something it's a different process. She said she has to try to play them and they don't work for her either.
Howard said he's not going to watch movies in advance anymore. He said he can't do it. He said he was all upset and started watching the Golden Globe Awards last night. He said he got all angry about that. He said he saw someone winning from The Crown. He said he loved that show. He said he wanted to hear what the guy had to say but they started playing music to play the guy off. He said he sat through such horse shit to see this show and he wanted to hear the speech and they cut him off. He said he's getting agida again. He said this guy had to wrap it up and he can't hear him because of the fucking music. He said it makes him insane.
Howard said at the end of the night they had Sacha Baron Cohen there with this wife and you never see him with her. He said he wins and he starts to say something funny about Rudy Giuliani and Trump and all of that and then they play him off. He said he was like ''You mother fucker...'' He said they have Sacha Baron Cohen up there and they cut him off. He said you have to commit to letting people speak. He said you can't do that. He said it drives him nuts. He said everything does. He said that he's trying to watch a movie and then watching this and it's upsetting him. He said his wife told him he has to relax.
Howard said he had to do homework for the show too and then Beth brings up Bang O'clock. He said that shocked the hell out of him. He said she was asking if he was clean and showered. He said that she asked if he was clean, clean, clean because that's what models are known to be. He said he got into the room for Bang O'clock and she wasn't sure he was ready for it because he was so upset. He said once he's in there he was so excited. He said that he had to wrap it up quick to get back to his homework though. He had to squeeze it in. He said he had to tell himself that he had better enjoy it. He said he was there for it. He said he did slow down because he had that image of JD getting his cock spit on by some woman.
Howard said he decided that he was going to have a hard boiled egg for lunch. He said he can't have caffeine or alcohol anymore. He said he's gaining weight and has a belly now. He said he's not enjoying things. He said his father used to refer to the big belly as a ''boyach.'' He went into his voice and then did his mother's voice when they talked to him about being overweight. He said he knows they were in bed talking about his weight and how fat he was. He said he didn't need them in his head talking about that.
Howard was doing his parent's voices talking about his weight and what they eat. Ben and Ray were telling him to control his portions. He said the lecturing he got. He said now they had something to attack him with. He said he had heard them attacking fat people. He said his father would talk about how they had no self control.
Howard said he put on the weight in Washington DC because he was so stressed. He said his parents saw his weight gain and called him into their bedroom to talk about that. He said that they were asking about his weight and the stretch pants he was wearing. He had his father talking about wearing a belt and putting it around his mouth. He said his mother's tuchus wasn't so small. He said there was plenty of jelly there. He said they were telling him about how out of control he was. He said his mother would talk about him being a meditator and how he should be taking care of his health.
Howard said he had full on PTSD after being yelled at. He said he went home after a few years and they yelled at him so it all came back to him. He had his mother and father going on and on about what's going on with him and what he's eating.
Howard said they would tell him they don't eat like that. He said he'd tell them he has dessert and they would say they never had dessert. Robin said that's like the worst possible thing you could do. Howard said you're all stressed out and that's the big worry. Howard had his mother talking about how they never kept any of that in the house. He said he's still shell shocked from that conversation.
Howard said now he's about 6 pounds over his goal weight. He said he got on the scale this morning and he was 6 pounds up. He said he came downstairs and said he can't eat as much. He said Beth said he looks good. He said his weight is up though. He said she told him to go up and take a dump and lose a few. Howard said he told her he doesn't take a dump. He said his parents would say ''move your bowels'' and that would creep him out. He said that this conversation he had took place in 1982 and it's like it was yesterday to him. He said it was such a mistake to go visit them. He said he walks downstairs the next morning and his father is saying ''Look who it is, Miss America.'' He said he's singing the Miss America song to him. He said that was humiliating. He said he's chubby and a woman to them. He said he's being emasculated in his parent's house.
Howard said he was told he did have to lose weight and they kind of did him a favor by doing that. Robin said he uses that tactic on others to get them to change. Howard said if he had to go through it then everyone else who meets him has to go through it too. He said if you want to lose weight just let him get a hold of you. He said it works. Howard said shaming works. He said he was shamed his whole life.
Howard said yesterday was such a busy day. He said that John 5 can really play.
Howard asked the caller to start over. The caller asked if he saw that Marilyn Manson and John 5 playing together and Marilyn kicks him and John 5 is yelling ''Come on!'' at Marilyn. Howard said that's getting what you paid for when you go to a concert like that. He said when they're ready to kick each other's ass that's great. He said that he'd worry about John hurting his hands in a fight. He said just get the fuck out of there. He said he'll have to look for that video.
Howard said he likes stuff like that. He said a fight is great at a concert. He said his mom would walk out and ask what's wrong with you two. He said he's so tortured.
Howard said he was watching the Golden Globes and it pisses him off when they play the music. He said you have to buy into the fact that people are going to give speeches and they just have to go with it. He said one of the most frustrating things for him was working at WNBC. He said they didn't know what they wanted to be. He said he had a job there and they didn't know what to do with him. He said they wanted to get him out of Washington DC and they hired him there in New York. He said he figured they'd want him to do what he was doing in Washington there in New York.
Howard said he didn't want to be on AM radio but he went there to tear up the town. He said he knew he was ready for it. He said he had his act down to a science. He said that he knew he'd be the biggest hit on the planet. He said this guy Douglas Kiker did a hit piece on him and said he was disgusting and he was going to ruin people's children. He said then NBC fired some of the guys who hired him. He said he was fucked. He said they wanted to get him to quit so they didn't want him to talk on the air. He said the station was such a conglomeration that didn't know what it wanted to be. He said they had a news department that was as good as the all news station. H said they weren't a news station though. He said they had these personalities on the station that they didn't let talk. He said they had music all over the place and they'd interrupt that with the news. He said it was all bullshit nonsense.
Howard said they were dummies over there. He said they didn't know what they wanted to be. He said that Douglas Kiker called his show ''barnyard radio.'' He said n one could see the naked women on the show because it was radio. He said they sent a lawyer down to see if they actually did and it was a whole fiasco.
Howard said his point is that if you're going to have an award show then let people speak. He said they're an award show. He said if you're a radio station then just be one thing. He said that's it. He said they still don't get it.
Howard said everything he gave that company they didn't appreciate. He said he was giving them all of this great stuff like gargling men's semen and they didn't appreciate it. He said they should have come in and told him it was genius.
Howard said they played off some of the people he wanted to watch on the Golden Globes. He said he wanted to see Sacha Baron Cohen's speech.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that he didn't know that Winston Churchill was a painter. He said he thinks that Howard is far superior to him when it comes to painting. He said that some of his stuff might sell for huge amounts. Robin said the reason Churchill's paintings sell high is because it was Winston Churchill who painted them. She said it didn't have to do with his talent. Howard said he has a book about how to paint watercolor and it's quite charming. He said anyone can paint but it's not the same with music. He said in the art world there's a lot of fakes. He said it's a very complicated world. He said Winston was a very good painter for a Prime Minister. He said he wasn't great but it was okay. He said Hitler was a better painter than Winston was.
Howard said there's a world of celebrity painters out there. He said Tony Bennett is one who is very good. He said it's varied in how good it is but he studied art. He said Angelina Jolie was given a Winston Churchill and she sold it and got 11.5 million for it. He said that Bob Dylan is a painter too and he has seen his stuff sell very high. He said he's no critic but he saw he got like 90,000 for a painting and it was very childish if you ask him. He said it was primitive. He said they get a lot for them because of who he is.
Bobo said he likes Stallone's paintings. Howard asked if he sells them. Bobo said he believes he does. Howard said he has never sold a painting. He said he would if he was going to do it for charity but he's not interested in that. He said he thinks he might be better than Winston Churchill but he's not sure. He said he could probably sell a painting that's a bucket of paint on a canvass. He said that he could probably get a lot for that. He said he won't do that though. He said he would be embarrassed to do that. He said he'd want to do his best work to sell. He said Winston Churchill was a very decent painter. He said he doesn't think he sold them.
Howard said he likes painting and showing people who are friends of his. He said that's what he likes to do. He said imagine 11.5 million for a painting. He said that's pretty amazing.
Bobo said that he has to say something that he called him out for. He said that Winston Churchill came out with the term ''sheep in sheep's clothing'' and he knew he had heard it somewhere. Howard said that Bobo heard it wrong. He hung up on him before Bobo could argue more about it. They played a song parody about Bobo's horrible calls after that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard had a clip of a guy who wasn't able to get over the mistake and kept saying it. Howard said no one ever had to say insurrection until January 6th. He said it was throwing everyone. Howard said if you say it twice you must be doing it for attention.
Howard had some CNN announcers getting it wrong too. Howard played the clip and said that's so great. He said it's officially an epidemic. He said that they can't say insurrection. He said they obviously have erection on the brain.
Howard said he has a representative being interviewed on CNN and she got it wrong too. Robin asked why they can't stop themselves before it happens. Howard said it's very much like an actual erection, it's hard to stop.
Howard said over at MSNBC Willie Geist caught himself mid erection and got it right. Howard played a song parody about the insurrection, erection thing. Howard went to break after doing a live commercial read.
Howard came back and said that's Lady Gaga who had that crazy thing with her dog walker being shot and her dogs stolen. He said how about that dog walker. He said he went down fighting for those dogs. He said he heard the audio of that guy and he was screaming and stuff. He said he'd be screaming even louder than him if he was that guy. Robin said TMZ had the video and the people were just watching the guy get shot and no one did anything. Howard said it was probably a security camera. He said he doesn't think they'd just stand there. He said he has the audio.
Howard played the audio of the guy screaming and then being shot. He said he was holing on to those dogs and tried to keep one. Robin said one ran back to the guy. Howard said that guy was a dedicated guy. He said he tried to hold on to those dogs He said he's pretty brave. Robin said the dogs have been returned. Howard said that whole story is weird to him. He said Lady Gaga put out a half a million dollar reward for the dogs. Howard said some woman found the dogs tied up on the side of the road a few miles from where they were stolen. Howard said the whole story is weird. He said he thinks the cops aren't' going to give up until they find the guys who did it. Robin said they're shooting people over dogs.
Howard said what's amazing is that these French bulldogs and English Bulldogs should be outlawed. He said they're very difficult animals to maintain because of all of the inbreeding. He said they can't breed them now. He said they have all kinds of issues. He said breathing for them is like breathing through a straw. He said they struggle their whole lives. He said he wishes people would stop buying them. He said just get a regular dog. He said if he had to get one now he'd get one from a shelter. He said bulldogs need a lot of care. He said they had one and Beth spent a lot of time taking care of Bianca. He said he felt bad for the dog. He said they're always itchy and can't even lick their own asshole. He said he's not sure what it is but his cats love to lick each other's assholes. Robin asked why humans don't do that. Howard said he has never done it and he'd never ask a woman to do that to him.
Howard said Beth got him some shoes to wear around the house and he doesn't wear socks with them. He said the shoes are getting really smelly and Beth noticed the other day. He said he wants to get a second pair. Robin said they need time to breathe. She said he has to give them a rest. Howard said you should smell it. He said it's not pleasant.
Howard said all of the cats came over to smell the towel he had put down on the couch. He said they were all smelling it. He said everyone was involved with the doody. He said it was like they sent out a bulletin about the doody.
Howard said cats are smart. He said you have to hear this. He said this one cat that has to be fed steamed chicken. He said this cat has issues. He said the cat always ate it but one day the cat didn't want it. He said the cat refused to eat it and the other cats refused it too. He said it turns out that chicken had an expiration date that had passed. He said they knew it was bad. He said that's how smart they are. He said now they're his food tasters. He said it's unbelievable.
Apples said he put that video out there. Ronnie said it was Stephanie who put it up. He said that they took some video and he told her to take it down. Howard asked if this is where they're playing cards and they're getting loaded. Ronnie said they were just sitting around getting loaded. Howard said Stephanie was acting up and the old folks were getting upset that she was being boisterous. Howard said he got that video. Ronnie said this guy has to make something out of it.
Howard had the audio to play. He said Stephanie is having a good time. Ronnie said there was no reason to video it so he took the phone away from her. He said she was so fucked up that she didn't even know she had posted it. Howard said Stephanie was so cute in it because she was like a little girl hanging out with the old people. Howard played the audio where Ronnie knocked the phone out of her hand. Howard asked if he grounded her over that. Ronnie said no he didn't.
Howard said that Ronnie is getting so annoyed in this tape. Ronnie said he was trying to ignore her.
Howard said he likes that she calls Ronnie a dickol. Ronnie said it's dick hole. Apples told him that too. Ronnie told Apples to try to do more things for the show instead of calling in with shit like this. He said he's a stupid fuck. He said he's a pussy as fuck head.
Howard said Apples is a stand up comic. He said he has some videos. Ronnie said no he's not. He asked if he has seen those videos. Howard said he has. He had some examples of his stand up. Howard asked Ronnie not to scream so much and just talk normally. He played some audio of Apples doing some stand up about Ronald McDonald. He had a joke about how his cock isn't as white as his face. Ronnie asked what that even means. Howard said it means that his cock isn't as white as the makeup. Ronnie asked if this is a joke you have to think about for 25 minutes. He said no one was laughing in that clip. He said there are three girls who laugh but they laugh through the whole thing.
Apples said those clips are over 10 years old. He said he has sent more clips from like 2 years ago. Howard said this is Apples talking about his cousin's fake tits. He played that one and Apples was doing this bit about saying ''Hey titties'' instead of ''Hey cousin.''
Ronnie said these are not jokes. He said if Howard thinks they're funny that's fine. Howard said maybe his delivery needs some work. Apples said that stuff is 10 years old. He said he has sent the guys more current stuff that gets laughs. Apples said he can take the ribbing from Ronnie.
Howard said Ronnie is making some phony phone calls and doing some comedy. He said he did them on his own. Ronnie said some people helped him edit them. Howard said he felt so good about them that he thought that they might replace Richard with him. Ronnie said he was just joking around about that. Howard said when Ronnie does this impression of Barry White he thinks it's really good. Ronnie said he does that to check out the microphone in the morning. He said he was just goofing around with it. Howard said he decided to make a phony phone call with that voice. He said he defies you to get through it. Howard played the call where Ronnie's character called a mattress store. He said this is Ronnie doing his thing. In the clip Ronnie was asking for a firm mattress because he and his woman get it on every night and he needs something that can handle it. The guy at the store went along with it.
Howard said he had to listen like 7 times because he kept zoning out every time. He said Ronnie didn't keep doing the Barry White voice. He said he goes into a southern guy. Howard said he's not sure what's going on in this call. He said it's like he's really shopping for a mattress. Ronnie was talking to the guy in his regular voice by this time. He tried to go back into that deep voice but he had already talked to the guy in his regular voice.
Howard said after he heard that he was like Fuck Richard, I'm firing him. He said that he wanted Ronnie to go full time. He asked Ronnie what the hell that was. He said he has phony phone calls now and Apples has his stand up. He said everyone is branching out.
Howard took a call from fake Barry White but the guy was so bad he hung up immediately.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said he hates Apples because he's so boring. He said he doesn't have any content. He said he only has Ronnie to talk about. Howard said he hung up on Apples. He said he didn't think the whole thing was so bad with him. He said he's not sure what to make of all of that. Ronnie asked why he calls in. Howard said he sees it gets him some attention. He said he has a thing now. Howard said he should get him back on the line.
Erik said he's getting the vaccine tomorrow. Howard asked why he's getting it if he's not eligible. Erik said that he has intellectual disabilities. Howard said in other words he's stupid. Howard said whatever it is that's good, get the vaccine. He said he has a long list of people who could get it based on that. He said some of them are on the staff. Erik said he's getting the first one tomorrow. Howard said he wonders which one he's getting. He said there are so many that he could get. Erik said he'll call in on Monday to let him know.
Howard had Apples back on the phone and asked if this is his thing to call in about Ronnie now. Apples said if he needs to be the head of his internet security then yes. Howard said he's not in charge of anything. He asked if this is going to be his thing now. Apples said he doesn't want to take on Ronnie. He said he's observant and likes to see what's in the background. He said he's just commenting. Howard said he sees his role as Ronnie's Jane Goodall. He said she would watch the gorillas and Apples can do that with Ronnie. Robin said that they had people who did that with people. She said Wolfie would watch Gary and he worked that into a job.
Howard asked Erik why he hates apples so much. Erik said he's like a stalker and he has no content. Robin said that's a bad thing to do right Erik? Erik said he hasn't threatened anyone in a long time. Howard said he has to wrap this all up. He went over what was going on here with everyone and who hates who. Howard asked if Apples is such a fan then how come he didn't mention that it's almost the 5 year anniversary of Ronnie getting engaged to Stephanie. Robin asked if Ronnie knows it's been 5 years now. Ronnie said that it was all over social media yesterday. He said he can't help but know.
Ronnie said once the house is done and they move to Vegas this will all be done. He said there's too much pressure with COVID and the house and all of that. He said there's too much going on.
Howard asked if Ronnie is secretly hoping to die before he marries again. Ronnie said no. He said he will gladly do it once they're settled. Howard said Jon Hein told him he doesn't think they'll ever get married.
Howard got Jon on and asked why he thinks that. Jon said he thinks that they're more married than some married couples at this point. He said he knows Stephanie wants that but they don't need it. He said they don't need to do anything for their relationship. He said he thinks they're so happy as is that they don't need to do it. He said in his eyes they're already like a married couple.
Howard asked Ronnie how soon the wedding would be in Vegas. Ronnie said once the house is settled then maybe 6 months after. Howard said he's saying within 6 months they'll be married. Ronnie said they'll have something planned out. Howard said even when he moves there's still going to be shit going on. He said there were 4 years before this that they could have gotten married. Ronnie said the world changed and screwed everything up.
Howard said there could be problems with the house or work. He asked if they will delay the wedding more. Ronnie said no. He said they're going to get settled out there and then they'll get married. Howard said he thinks the house won't be ready and they won't be able to move for a year. Ronnie said they'll be out there this summer. He said like July or so they'll be out there. Howard said then the countdown will begin. Apples asked if it'll be a Christmas wedding. Ronnie told him to shut up.
Howard asked if he'll have people from the show there. Ronnie said he will. He said it won't be a huge wedding. He said it'll probably be 100 people. Howard said he thinks Robin might be one. Jon said when JD got married he and Ronnie were on the list but then they were taken off. He said he doesn't think Ronnie would do that though.
Howard said he knows that Kurt Busch is going to be his best man. Ronnie said it's going to be his son.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he predicts that Ronnie won't get married. He said he's not selfish. He said he thinks he'll die soon and doesn't want to saddle her with legal stuff. He said that's in the back of his mind. Howard said if they get married she'd get it all. King said he thinks that Ronnie is thinking about her and he's sad about the whole thing. Howard said now everyone has predicted.
King said he's booked to get the vaccine. He said that the fire chief got him an appointment after recognizing him from the show. He said he has to thank Howard for that. He said he's wanted to get the shot for so long and now he's getting it. Ronnie told him not to worry. He said he got both shots and he's done. King asked if you still have to wear a mask outside. Howard said of course you do. Robin asked why he's so unaware of what people are saying. King said he's not sure why you'd have to wear a mask. Howard said you can still be a carrier. He said you can bring it into someone's home. He said you still don't want to get COVID. He said you won't die from it if you have the vaccine. Robin said you can still get it but you may not have to go to the hospital. King said he's getting the Moderna version which is like the Bentley version of the vaccine. Ronnie said that's the one he got too. King said that he did not. He said he wants to see his paper. King said they made the Johnson and Johnson version for the black people. Howard asked King what he's talking about. King was comparing the vaccines to cars. He said if you get the Johnson and Johnson that's going into Toyota or Honda instead of the Bentley or Mercedes Benz of vaccines. Howard said you want to get vaccinated with whatever you can get. He said you'll be protected. He said don't listen to this guy.
Howard jokingly said that he doesn't believe that Ronnie got the Moderna either. Ronnie said he can show him the paperwork. King was still arguing that the Moderna and Pfizer are for the upper crust and that's why they're the best. Howard thanked him for that and wrapped up with Apples and King. Apples said he can't wait to be there at Ronnie's wedding. He said he sees it happening soon. Howard said it would be great if he had him there as the comic. Ronnie said he wants people to show up and not leave.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he's excited to have Arsenio Hall on. He said he's in one of his favorite movies of all time ''Coming to America'' and now ''Coming 2 America.'' Howard said it's been a long time since they've been in the same room together. He said he spends so much time in his life going back and observing his talk show. He said he had so much great stuff in there. He said Arsenio had his show and when he had it he couldn't appreciate it. He said he was jealous of anyone who had any audience. He said he has to apologize for that. He said he missed out on how great his show was. He said he watches him now and he appreciates it. He said he had Prince on once and he was at his best. He said he came on the show and did 5 songs. He said that's a sign of support. He said that was a loving gesture and it was some of the best performing Prince ever did. He said the sound quality was great on his show too. He said he must agree.
Arsenio said he does. He said he wanted the whole hour and he was amazing. He said he would come in and kind of produce the show. He said once they put reviews in the piano and set them on fire. Arsenio said that you say that these guys are kind of normal and Prince really was. He said that Prince would ask him what he does at night and he'd come out with him when he told him where he went. He said you'd go out and have drinks at this club and they went out to that club. He said Prince was real supportive of him.
Arsenio said hello to Robin and said the last time he saw her was when she was with Sam Kinison. Howard said he wants to talk about that. He said that he's probably responsible for Sam and Jessica Hahn fucking. He said he wants to talk to him about that and about his father and being raised by a guy who preached for a living. Howard said he wants to stick to Prince for now though.
Howard asked what happens at these after hour clubs and what makes it enticing. Arsenio said he has only been twice. He said once was to see what it was about and the other was with Prince. He said it's all kind of scary. He said you go in through a gate and they lock it behind you. He said once you get inside it's like being at the Playboy mansion without Hugh Hefner. He said these places were illegal clubs but they needed that in L.A.
Howard said Arsenio was on TV at the time and it has to be pandemonium when they show up. Arsenio said they showed up and Prince jumped in the car with him and just a driver. He said he had an acrylic cane. He said he didn't smoke weed or anything that he was doing there. He said he asked what he wanted to drink and Prince said he wasn't fucking with any cups in that house. He said he might not drink at Subway. He said he's got his cane and he's looking around the room. He said the strippers start showing up and they're amazed that Prince is there. He said that Eddie would never have gone to an after hours club with him. Howard asked why that is. Arsenio said that Prince was enamored with the DJ and the girls. He said Eddie is just a guy who he jokes with about not leaving the house during the pandemic but Eddie has been practicing for that for the past 30 years. He said Eddie would never go to a house like that even during the day.
Howard said he's the biggest Eddie Murphy fan and he thinks Arsenio did a great interview with him. He said he likes how he waits for the gold to come out of Eddie. He said Arsenio asked Eddie about Elvis and he told him there's no way he'd want to be in the room with him now and he got him to admit that. He said it was a great moment. Arsenio said he thinks that Eddie would have choked Elvis.
Arsenio asked if he has ever interviewed Eddie. Howard said he did early on in his career. He said he didn't have time. He said that he grew up in Roosevelt like Eddie did. He said he had that in common. Arsenio said there's a lot of famous people who grew up there. Howard said Dr. J was from there and he claimed to be from Freeport and not Roosevelt. Arsenio said there's a plaque there in Roosevelt that mentions Dr. J. Howard said he really did grow up there.
Howard said Eddie came on the show and they were talking about Roosevelt and all of that. He said he must have said something that upset him but he's not sure what it was. He said he hates that and he would love to get him in there. Arsenio said they'll have to get him in there for Coming to America 4. Howard said he's said that Coming to America was one of his favorite movies of all time.
Arsenio said that they were at a screening once and Eddie was there talking to someone from Entertainment Tonight and the woman asked if it was a good idea to do a second movie. He said they were at another place where they got coffee and Eddie gave the woman a $100 tip and she still told him not to fuck up her movie. Howard said he would think Eddie would have the same hesitance. He said that he made this iconic movie and you want it to stand alone. He said if you make a bad sequel it can ruin things for people. He asked if Arsenio knew the first one was going to be a hit. Arsenio said he thought it was a funny fish out of water script. He said it was John Landis who said they should be the people they meet when they come to America. He said that's when they thought about doing the characters. He said that Eddie talked him into doing that character thing in the movie. He said one day Eddie's mom was on the set and she said she wasn't sure about it. He said that scared him. He said the second script came about and Eddie called him and he said he liked the idea that he had sex with someone and got high and all of that. He said then Eddie said he wanted to have Tracy Morgan to be his son. Howard said that would have been funny as hell. Arsenio said that froze him. He said they look about the same age though so that was messing it up. He said that you try to do things with a certain decorum. He said that maybe for number 3 Morgan Freeman can be his son. He said you'd have to do something like that. Arsenio said that they did know that Tracy should be in the movie even if it's not the son. He said he's just funny. He said he should be on the set of every movie just to be there.
Howard said he was doing this interview with Eddie and he brought out Michel Jackson to give an award. He said it could have ruined things but it was a bizarre thing that just worked. He said Michael didn't want to sit down and he just wanted to give an award. Arsenio said Michael would call and you'd think someone was doing a joke. He said you'd hang up. He said if he had hung up on Michael he could have just said ''fuck you'' and never call back. He said he'd call and tell him what he liked about the show. He said Michael came by the set once and didn't want to come on. He said he was wearing a mask back in the day and he was way ahead of the curve with his music and with the germ thing. He said another time Michael warned him he was coming by and he wanted to come on the air. He said they arranged this award exchange. He said it would have gotten a lot of clicks if he was going on today.
Howard said when you look back on this today it's something to see that he was the first black man with his own late night talk show. Arsenio said that Howard had talked about doing that show but he got the job. Howard said he looks back on his career with a lot of regrets and some of that is with him and his show. He said he has done a lot of therapy and he can go back and look at his show and see what he was doing there. He said he had a nice relaxed attitude. He said he gave people time to respond to a question. He said he must have been thinking about winning in the ratings but he just did it the way he wanted to. He said David Bowie did the show and he watched that. He said he did some songs and didn't do any of his hits. He said you want them to do their hits but they let him do what he wanted. Howard asked if he was thinking that people were going to tune out. Arsenio said you are concerned about that. He said for as many people who might love a song there are more people who want to see someone like Judith Light talk about her book. He said his first week he had Bobby Brown on and he did his hits. He said the ratings were big. He said Prince didn't do any of his hits once when he went to see him. He said that you do want them to do their hits. He said you can't ask them to do them though. Arsenio said he was just glad to get someone like Bowie.
Howard said Prince was so good to him. He said he did Purple Rain and Lets Get Crazy and brought out the hits. He said he was really doing it for him. Arsenio said he came 3 times and did 3 separate hours.
Howard said Eddie came on and did an impression of a shitty talk show guest. He said he was giving one word answers and Arsenio was laughing. He said he knew that he was doing that. Arsenio said Cosby did that to him once too. He said he was messing with him. Howard said is's so much pressure to have a talk show. He said he thinks about Bill Clinton playing Sax on the show. He said he was amazed.
Howard said Arsenio was delivering the goods for a syndicated show. He said the perception was that he wasn't doing enough. Arsenio said they wanted him to be more conservative so he'd get the Johnny Carson audience when he left. He said that Ice Cube wanted to come by and give him a copy of ''Fuck the Police'' on the show but they can't even say their name on the show. He said that they fought him on who he became. He said he wanted to be the guy who was for the audience that wasn't watching the rest of the shows. He said that Oprah just started liking Rap this month. Howard said one of the greatest shows was Chuck D and Flavor Flav on the show and they were talking about real stuff on the show. He said that the affiliates must have been wondering what the hell he was doing.
Arsenio said that Ice T wanted to come on and perform Cop Killer and people were freaking out about that. He said he had to explain that he's not really a cop killer.
Howard said Ed McMahon would call Arsenio and suggested guests that he might want to have on because they weren't Tonight Show guests. Arsenio said he would. He said that he never pushed Bill Burr on the show. He said that they wanted him to have on Usher Raymond. He said they used last names. He said the interesting thing to him was that Johnny didn't hate him. He said that he didn't want any part of Q-Tip on the show. Howard said maybe he was taking the pressure off of Johnny by having those guests on the show.
Howard said Arsenio is a good stand up comic. He said being on the Tonight Show would have been a big deal for him. He said Johnny would not put him on though. He said that must have been painful for him. He asked what kind of feedback he got about that. Arsenio said there was a guy named Jim Mcally who would come to the Comic Strip to find comics for the show. He said that he didn't think that he was a Carson kind of guy. He said he was more of a Letterman guest. He said that he did make his debut on Letterman. He said that Joan Rivers would put him on the Tonight Show on Mondays but Johnny would never take him. He said Joan would get upset with him when he took over her show. Howard said he wants to talk more about that.
Howard said he adored Joan Rivers. He said that Joan would have him on any time. He said that was great for him. Arsenio said he had been seen so much over there that it was easy. He said that he got on and interviewed with Johnny eventually. He said he announced the following week that he was doing a talk show. He said if he had done that the same week he wouldn't have gotten on the show. He said that he was from Cleveland and he made it on the Tonight Show. He said that he finally met him during the commercial and he did a coin trick for him. He said he'd smoke a cigarette and they really got along. He said that night was very special for him. He said that everyone in Cleveland wanted to be Jim Brown but he wanted a Botany 500 Johnny Carson suit. He said he and his dad went out shopping and he got that suit for going to church and he wore it every Sunday.
Howard said what's weird is that a young black kid was fantasizing about being Johnny Carson. He said he must have had people telling him he couldn't do it. He said he was also under pressure from people like Spike Lee who called him an Uncle Tom. He said he's trying to bring in a mass audience and there's that going on. He asked why that was happening. He asked if they're friendly now. Arsenio said today they'd call that click bait. He said that he may not have booked Spike soon enough. He said he didn't act quick enough. He said it's been 30 years and he thinks Spike didn't get on when he wanted to and he called him out in that way. He said it would have been an advantage to have him on. He said he thinks Spike snapped too quick. Howard said you only have so much time to book guests on a show. He said you can't please everyone. He said it's a hurtful attack. Arsenio said it was always a problem. He said he was ''too black'' for FOX and ''too white'' for Ebony magazine. He said that he walked out every night smiling but he was tortured. He said that he's good with Ice Cube now but back then he wanted to have them on the show Ice wrote a song about him. He said he didn't know his name rhymed with anything but then he found out when he put him in a song. He said he rhymed his name with bicentennial. He said now Ice is big and he gets it now. He said he knows what he was going through now that he's in that business. He said he had to slip Dolly Parton in there between other guests.
Howard said he had 6 years on the air and he had to do it syndicated. He said CBS had nothing in late night so they had Arsenio. He said he lost a bunch of stations when Letterman moved to CBS. He said he had people calling him too black or an Uncle Tom. He asked if the pressure got to him. Arsenio said he couldn't afford to say fuck it. He said he had to pay bills. He said at a certain point about 5 years in he saw numbers eroding a bit. He said he loved acting and he had to do this show every night. He said he had to watch movies or read books every night. He said he saw the ratings eroding and he figured 6 years was a good run. He said he wrote a letter to this guy about moving on and he ended up becoming a father and trying to get back into the business later on. He said it's tough because it doesn't wait for you.
Howard asked if he regrets not sticking with it. Arsenio said sometimes you don't have a choice. He said that you're fortunate to have a vehicle and if he wants a house the size of Howard's he might have stuck around a little longer. Robin said that nothing ever came to fill that void when he left. She said nothing followed him.
Howard said he would have thought there would be more to follow after Coming to America. Arsenio said Eddie made a point about that. He said he was on a Zoom call with Oprah and he told her that the Saul character takes 4 hours of makeup to do. He said Oprah didn't know that was Eddie in makeup. He said he's had Jesse Jackson tell him he didn't know they were the barbers in the movie. He said that it's a thankless job if they don't know that's you under the makeup.
Howard said one of the most touching shows he ever had was the Sammy Davis Jr. show. He said he gave him his due on that show. He said Sammy was there saying he couldn't believe that he was there with a black man hosting a late night show. He said he thinks Sammy was trying to give him thanks. He said that Sammy was saying that he was being called out for his blackness too. He said he was so open about it and he thinks it touched him. Arsenio said it was amazing. He said you don't know how that day is going to work out. He said he and Eddie would go to his house and he'd show off his gun collection. He said they were classic old Colt 45s and things like that. He said Sammy had a theater in his house and they watched Cocoon there. He said Sammy always told him that he was a Carson guest. He said the first time he showed up to do his show he wanted to go say hello. He said Sammy was doing his own makeup. He said they had a great conversation where Sammy told him all the things he needed to hear from him. He said he even told him some great stories about people peeing in his drink and people trying to paint him and things like that. He said one time he went to a Vegas club where he was working and someone asked them to refill the pool because a black man was swimming in it. He said Sammy said he was sorry for not being there sooner. He said he was having problems with his throat and wasn't able to sing. He said he would do two segments or whatever he wanted. He said when he was on the couch he looks at the band and asks them to do ''Time after Time'' in D. He said his band was thinking Cyndi Lauper so they didn't know. He said that Sammy starts singing the right song and he went into the song with the band. He said Sammy got up and did the song with the band. He said Sammy said he should have done a rehearsal. He said he apologized for not giving him 100 percent. Howard said he remembers him saying he would come back and perform more and have their bands mix together. He said he was a great talent too.
Howard asked if he was competitive with the other late night guys. He said the booking was the tough part. Howard said some of the best moments on Letterman were when he had on Liberace who was a ''Carson guy.'' He said it was great to see guys like that on other shows. He said that's what was great about Sammy being on Arsenio's show. Arsenio said he used to love that stuff. He said when he mentioned Dolly Parton to his staff they thought he was crazy. He said that everyone loves that Whitney Houston song ''I Will Always Love You'' and Dolly wrote that. He said he had her on to perform that. He said she was so nervous she came out and sat in his chair. He said he sat on the couch and it was great. He said he loved doing things like that. Howard said he saw Desi Arnaz Jr. do that on Letterman once and it was great.
Howard asked what his relationship is like now with Jay Leno and what happened back then. Arsenio said he remembers being the fault in that conflict. He said there was a magazine that asked him about the competition with Letterman and Jay. He said he talked about how he knows Jay very well. He said he compared them to the Clippers and Lakers. He said he was going to try to kick his ass and they took that kick his ass thing and put that on the cover. He said that you have to earn bookings. He said when you can give someone the numbers there won't be booking wars.
Howard said there's always the people who said that you can only do their show and not other people's shows. Arsenio said that's a power move. He said he never was able to do that. He said the same shit was going on when he came back to do the show at CBS. He said they got a call from a daytime host who didn't want them to do his show until 2 weeks later. He said now it's harder because there are more hosts. He said they have late night and daytime hosts.
Howard said he wants the guest last. He said he's good enough that he can have a great show even if he's last. He said he guarantees that they'll be better. He said it shows a lack of confidence to make them do your show first. Arsenio said he felt like he was an individual and he felt that if he did things the way he wanted to do them it worked. He said he had Clinton wearing his sunglasses and things like that. He said he was doing things differently than the other hosts. He said he's like a different engine in a car.
Howard asked if he would say hey to Jay if he was out. Arsenio said they were cool before he said that thing that was on the cover of the magazine. He said Jay taught him to ride a motorcycle and they played video games together. He said when you're eon the back of a motorcycle there's no way not to look effeminate. He said that he and Jay worked together too. He said you move past that stuff. He said he wishes he and Howard had met again before today. Howard said he knows. He said he feels the same way.
Howard said he loves watching his old shows. He said he did so many great things on there. He said he was watching him with Mariah Carey on her first TV appearance. He said what a voice and what a beauty she was. Arsenio said that was an example of just staying in your lane and things will come. He said he was out and a friend told him to look at this girl who was fine as a mother fucker. He said he grew up hearing that song about Tommy Mottola. He said he thought it was Tommy with that girl. He said Tommy came over when he saw them looking at them. He said he gave him his card and he was all excited about that. He said that he asked if that was his girl and he said it was just a client. He said Tommy told him that she's a singer and he should listen to the cassette tape. He said it was the song Vision of Love. He said he went to his car and likened to it and called him the next day. He said Johnny didn't want her on the show so he had to break her on his show. He said he put her on immediately. He said that he didn't want them changing their mind.
Howard said it must piss him off that he broke her and then she goes and does Johnny. He said he gave her the break. He said it's so frustrating. Arsenio said it was hard. He said he did his reboot and he tried to get people who he had on the first time and they weren't answering the phone. Howard said they should make a list and really get on their case. Arsenio laughed. Howard said it's just so crazy. Arsenio said he understands it's just business. He said he sees those people and they hug him but he was canceled because of their ass. He said it's just business though.
Howard said Arsenio was like social media back in the day. Arsenio said he had people on the show and that was like tweeting. Howard said that power is intoxicating. He said he had all of these beautiful women around him and it must have been insane with people coming on to him. Arsenio said it was intoxicating. He said he had a lot of fun. Howard said he bets he did. Arsenio said he just found out that when he was between marriages they both dated the same girl. Arsenio said he knows Howard knows who it is. He said it was a good time. Howard said that was a crazy year for him. He said who knows what they were doing. He said maybe they were in the same room together for all he knows. Arsenio said every year was like that for him. He said his woman is in the other room so he'll go light on this. Howard said he knows it's intoxicating that anyone wants you. He said you get tricked by that shit too. He said someone likes you and it's all you wanted your whole life.
Arsenio said he was growing up in Cleveland and he came to this town and a girl says she's coming over and bringing a friend. He said when that goes down you're like ''Oh yes!'' He said they're in his new condo and these girls are snorting blow off of each other's stomach and he's like ''I've arrived. Howard said you have to keep your head on straight during that. He said you can lose yourself.
Howard said Arsenio grew up in Cleveland and that's almost like how he grew up. He said his father was very tough on him. He said he knows Arsenio had it really tough because his parents divorced when he was just 6. Arsenio said his father was a Baptist preacher. Howard said that must have left a big hole in his heart. He said that father hunger is part of that whole thing he had in L.A. Arsenio said his therapist has gotten into that a few times. He said one day he came home and all of their stuff was on the sidewalk. He said they had to move to Grandma's house. He said he stayed with her and they lived with her for a long time while his mom got her life together. He said he was 2 blocks from Dad and he'd visit him. He said there were so many days he wishes he could ask him one more question or just hug him. He said he doesn't remember a lot of that in his youth. He said he has seen Magic kiss his kids. He said his dad never did that with him. He said he turned out alright but when you come to this town there's a needy side in you that makes you react to love in certain ways.
Howard asked if it's hard for him to be alone in bed at night. He asked if he's still that lonely kid. He said maybe that's wanting to grab every woman. He said it all goes back to your father. Arsenio said he was an only child and he was a geek and a kid doing magic tricks. He said no one came close to wanting to give him any pussy. Howard said so many good comics start out with magic. He said Steve Martin wrote a great book about that. Arsenio said he read that. Howard said it allows you to get on stage and that's how you can work into comedy. Arsenio said there have been a few like that. He said when he was a magician he would do Dove magic. He said that he stopped doing that and he'd do other stuff and talk to people in the crowd. He said there was this guy named Hank Morehouse who told him that he was a good magician but he would be famous when he puts the birds away and just talks. He said he was just a kid and he was making jokes and that guy was right about getting rid of the birds and just talking. He said that guy recognized that and the magic was just window dressing for his act.
Howard said he loves that bit he does with Eddie about having ventriloquist dummies. Arsenio said that if you get Eddie in the right place he has Paul Mooney dummy. He said there's nothing like smoking a joint and Eddie pulls out that dummy and does the impression. He said you just sit there talking to the dummy. He said Eddie has the puppet asking what you're smoking and things like that. Howard said that sounds like the greatest thing ever. He asked why it's Paul Mooney. Arsenio said Eddie loves Paul. He said he has a couple of dolls but they're not famous people. Howard asked if he's a good ventriloquist. Arsenio said he's horrible. He said it would be like him doing a magic trick and the dead bird falls out of his jacket. He said you don't even look at Eddie's lips during that though. Howard said he'd give anything to see that act. He said that his voice is so distinctive and he thinks it would be just too funny. He said he must piss his pants with that. Arsenio said he does. He said Paul is under the weather and he wants to give him a shout out. He said he has done so much for the black community.
Howard said Paul wrote for Richard Pryor. Arsenio said he did and he gets credit for a great joke on the back of one of his albums. He said when he met him he was blown away.
Howard asked if Arsenio is still good at magic. Arsenio said you start doing it again when you become a dad. He said he gets to do tricks for his kids and their friends. Howard said he wishes he was good at stuff like that. He said he wanted to do magic for his kids.
Howard said when you're growing up in Cleveland and he must have thought that he must have friends who were working and doing something in their lives. Arsenio said he went to New York and he went to the Catskills for the first time. He said he asked for some bacon and orange juice for breakfast. He said he had no idea that he was ordering the wrong thing. He said those rooms were so important. He said you learn toe work a dinner room and work a crowd that wasn't a young black crowd. He said that he had to be able to make anyone laugh that you put in front of him. Howard said he bets the first 100 times he went on he tanked. Arsenio said absolutely. Howard said it takes bravery to stand there and not get a laugh.
Arsenio said he remembers the old comedy guys who were around helping him out and teaching him. He said there's a good side out there in the comedy world.
Howard asked if his father wanted him to do something other than comedy. Arsenio said he wanted him to be a preacher. He said they were watching Soul Train once and his father told him that Chaka Kahn was in Hollywood and he wanted him to know that. He said he wanted him to be a preacher so when he got to do that in Coming to America he wished his father was there. Howard asked if that was an impression of his father. Arsenio said a little bit. He said part of it is this guy who would do a sermon based on one word. He did some of that impression for Howard. Arsenio said that's what his father would do at times too. He said he has a bunch of family members who are preachers. He said did his impression of some of those family members who have a unique way of preaching.
Arsenio said his dad had this thing where his dad would do this thing where he would sort of sing as he was talking. He said that kind of stuff would blow him away. He said the ladies would go crazy in the church too. He said you could get laid if you want to as a preacher.
Howard asked if it was a scandal when his parents divorced. Arsenio said oh yeah. He asked if he thinks he cracked from the women coming on to him. Arsenio said absolutely. He said he remembers the biggest problem being that his mom was much younger than his dad. He said his dad's best friend had a daughter and his dad's best friend said she needed a job this year and his dad gave her a job. He said that was his mom. He said they fell in love with the Monica Lewinsky of the church. Howard said it must have caused a rift between his dad and his hunting buddy. Arsenio said it did. He said all of his other daughters from a previous marriage didn't like her and people in the church didn't like her. Arsenio said his wife is much younger than him so it must be genetic. Howard said it might be that way with every guy.
Howard said Arsenio's father ran off with another woman and that must have been tough on his mother. Arsenio said it was. He said they were very hard core Baptists. He said you weren't allowed to dance in his house. He said that older relationship didn't work. Howard asked if he was turned off to religion from what he saw. Arsenio said he has problems with church sometimes but he's still religious. He said that's a long story.
Howard said you know the religious right are full of shit and it must make him crazy. Arsenio said he knows older ladies who give their last bit of income to pastors and that makes him sad sometimes. He said there are televangelists who don't deserve that. He said we should be helping those women instead. Howard said it's all crazy.
Howard asked if his father got to see his success. Arsenio said he passed away right after he graduated from Kent State. He said he got to see him on TV as a magician once. He said they flew him to New York to do the show called Soul. He said they just did a documentary about that show and his dad got to announce that he was going to be on television. He said that was the show he was going to be on. Howard said that's probably the closest he got to an I love you.
Howard asked Arsenio how he stopped himself from fucking up as a father without having a role model. Arsenio said you always want to be better than the previous generation. He said he thought his dad was a good father but that had nothing to do with him and his mom not getting along. He said that what he tries to do is try to be better at things. He said he tries not to forget to tell his son he loves him. He hugs him so he doesn't forget. He said he didn't get to do that with his father. He said he tries to make up for the things that were voids in his life.
Howard asked if he talks about this in therapy. Arsenio said he had to get into the commitment thing. He said he had to work on that. Howard said you can have a lot of different women but you get to a point where you don't need someone telling you how great you are. Howard asked how long he's been in this relationship. Arsenio said he's been together since his son was 2. He said they've been together for 18 years. He said that she was a great help in giving him stability during that period. He said life is perfect for him. He said he's absolutely not single. He said during the pandemic is when you find out how good that relationship is.
Howard said he has to compliment him on his special he did a few years ago. He said he talks about peeing as you get older. He said he has that issue. He said you pee and then wash up and you have to pee again. He said it's such a great routine. He asked if he's doing a lot of stand up now and is that where he wants to be in his career. Arsenio said right before the pandemic he was. He said that's right before he did Coming 2 America. He said that they shot a lot of that in Rick Ross' house. He said that was all shot in Atlanta at Rick's house.
Howard said they have to talk about Coming 2 America. He said that he and Eddie are very close. He said Arsenio loves Eddie. He said they continue to be close after all this time. Arsenio said they are. He said he gets him. He said they leaned this whole thing together. Howard said he imagines that he was a young stand up and Eddie was trying to make it as a stand up. Howard said there must not have been a lot of black comedians around. Arsenio said there weren't but Paul Mooney was round. He said one time Eddie's mother had told him that she saw this guy on Solid Gold and they looked like they could be brothers. He said that Keenan Wayans had heard that and he introduced them. He said that Eddie said to him that he didn't look like him at all. He said they went into the club after that.
Howard asked if he was intimidated by Eddie. Arsenio said that now he's the comedy GOAT but he met him when he was coming up. He said Richard Pryor was his hero and friend. He said he understood Eddie because he knew Richard. He said Richard taught him the most about understanding this town. He said not a lot of people were kissing his ass at the end. He said that Howard has Beth and Robin and he knows who his friends are. He said this town won't be there in the end. Howard said Richard lost his ability to talk and he imagines that everyone abandoned him. He asked what he did. Arsenio said he would jump over the fence and go to his window and just hang out with him. He said he went to see one of Eddie's movies and took him to see that at Paramount. He said he asked Richard where he wanted to go and that's what he wanted to do. He said that made Eddie happy too. He said he'd ask Richard what he wanted to do and there were people he missed. He said he wanted to see Quincy Jones and he'd drive him to the house and sit him there to hang out. He said one time Richard wanted to meet Steve Harvey. He said Richard said he thinks he kind of looks like him. He told him he was right and he got a hold of Steve and had him over to his house.
Howard said he just talked to Steve off the air recently. He said he's a really smooth comic and he doesn't know if he gets his due. He said he must have been beside himself when he got to hang with Richard. He said it must be weird too. Arsenio said you have to kind of talk to Richard and tell him stories. He said he would laugh and respond. He said he was funny to the last day on this earth. He said he took him to a comedy award show once and someone in the balcony said ''We love you Richard!'' and he asked ''Well suck my dick then!'' He said he was still Richard until the end.
Howard asked Arsenio if comedy is like music and can you will yourself to be like Richard or do you just have it or not. Arsenio said he thinks that you can work on the craft. He said to go to the next level you have to have it in you. He said there's a fifth gear that Richard, Eddie, Bill Burr, Chappelle and other guys have that makes them go to another place. Howard said Chappelle is so good that he looks like he's working off the top of his head. Arsenio said he has never seen a stand up as competent as Bill Cosby was. He said we know him for other things now but back then he was a brilliant comic.
Howard asked if he writes down his jokes like Jerry Seinfeld does. Arsenio said he does have to work them out. He said he will do them a hundred times to work them out. He said that Bill Cosby could do a show the same night and record it. He said that he could talk about what happened on his show early in the evening and kill.
Howard asked if he's good on time. Arsenio said as long as he doesn't pee on himself he's fine.
Howard asked Arsenio about working on The Apprentice and winning the show. He said he would love to read a book about his time on his talk show. He said even The Apprentice is fascinating. He said he had 74 million people vote for him. He asked if he's shocked by all of that. Arsenio said that Kimmel sent him money when he was there. He said they all sent him money and he won. He said he did all of the things you're supposed to do. He said you called him Mr. Trump and never talked about Ivanka. He said that's something that Clay Aiken told him. He said don't do Ivanka jokes. Howard said no one came to him and told him to refer to him as Mr. Trump. Arsenio said he just fell in line with everyone. He said they got along on the show and then after the show he did a pageant for him and he got to talk to him about the birther thing. He said he talked to him about that and he gave him the black spiel that anyone would give him. He said that he thought he was just pushing buttons but he looked at him like he was a fucking idiot and asked if he thinks he's really from here. He said he had detectives working on it and he'd have stuff for everyone really soon. He said much later he pulled away from that but it dawned on him that when he said that he may have believed it or he was just a diabolical racist. He said it was strange.
Arsenio said he got a letter from Trump where he mentioned that he wasn't mentioned in an interview and that was very odd too. He said that he did fine on The Apprentice but after that things weren't so good. He said a lot of people didn't want him to do that show. He said he had relatives who didn't speak to him for a while after he did it. He said they didn't want him doing the show because of things that Trump had done in the past. He said that Trump doesn't ask you to be on the show. He said he had people from Burbank asking him to be on the show. He said he just did the show to make some money for the Magic Johnson Foundation.
Howard said Arsenio got shit for a lot of things his whole career. Arsenio said that his resignation letter was written before he had the Minister Farakhan interview. He said there were a lot of people who didn't want him to do that interview and it was from both sides. He said that he thought it would be interesting for his audience. He said he did the best he could with that but he's no Howard. He said he wanted to do the best job he could and he tried.
Howard said he had Trump at his wedding. He said that he finds that he never listens to anyone. He said he's shocked he listened to that whole birther thing. Arsenio said he did that thing where he raises his hand to stop you from talking. He said he was shocked by what he said about the whole Obama thing. He said you couldn't have believed that. Robin said he came there once and had the idea to do blacks vs. whites. Howard said he wanted to see him do it.
Howard said when he would interview Trump early on he knew to call him Mr. Trump because it would open him up. He said he ate it up. Arsenio said he thinks he won the show because his prep was good. He said he talked to Piers Morgan and he told him to learn everything he could about Donald. He said if you can say something about him when you're talking to him you can get his attention. He said he was trying to win that fucking show so that's what he would do.
Howard asked if he really asked Trump if he thought he was from Cleveland or Zaire. Arsenio said he did that and Donald gave him a smile like he knew it was a joke.
Howard asked Arsenio about meeting OJ Simpson in a bathroom once and called him Juice. Arsenio said he was out one night and OJ came over to him and some guys he was hanging out with. He said they were doing shots that they called Mike Tyson shots. He said OJ came over and bought them a tray of them. He said he got sloppy drunk with them. He said OJ was there alone and then Nicole came over and it was like he was there looking out for her. He said it was Nicole and Fay Resnick. He said that when Nicole walked away OJ said something that sends shivers up his spine now. He said OJ said ''I've tried to live without her but he cant.'' He said that's what he told him before Nicole died. He said that was really weird.
Arsenio said OJ came to the show once and he had put on Priscilla Presley and Leslie Nielson to promote Naked Gun. He said that OJ wanted to be on the show. He said he didn't know the guy could kill a mother fucker. He said that was the first time. He said he would have fucked him up.
Howard said maybe he should do stories about OJ for a book. He said it's too much. He said he's seen so much. Howard said this pandemic must be driving him nuts. He said he must love this interaction with people.
Howard said Arsenio was responsible for Jessica Hahn and Sam Kinison getting together. Robin said she was there when they did the battle of the preachers. Howard said they must have been great doing that bit. He said that Jessica must have gotten wet hearing all of that.
Arsenio said that last year a network tried to do a show called Dueling Pastors and he saw the pilot. He said that they would give people time to preach as like a game show. He said that they were doing what they did that night for Robin that night.
Howard asked if he could get into makeup and go into a church and do something like Sacha Baron Cohen and throw in something fucked up. Arsenio said the first thing that came to mind is that it would be funny but he might to go hell for it. He said that's his father. He said Rick Baker did the makeup for Coming to America. He said that Rick told them that people would not know it was them. He said he asked them to just walk as 2 old guys and they did that around the Paramount lot. He said Eddie hit on an old lady that didn't know he was Eddie. Howard said imagine that. He said someone should have been there with a camera. He said that's a golden moment.
Howard asked if Rick Baker was there doing the makeup himself or was someone else there. Arsenio said he was there. He said now they have a guy named Mike Marino who does it and he was just 9 when the movie came out.
Howard said he hasn't been able to see the movie yet because the PIX System is fucked up for him. He said Robin saw it and loved it. Arsenio said he thinks they did a good job with it. He said he wasn't fishing for compliments but they did amazing things with the makeup. He said he gets to play the part of this Shamen guy. He said that Eddie found out that it was six hours of makeup and didn't want to do it. He said he went to New York and did that Dave Chappelle thing at Radio City and Eddie wanted him to play that part. He said his schedule didn't work out so he wasn't able to do it. Arsenio said he got to do it instead.
Howard asked if you can sleep in that makeup or do you have to stay up. Arsenio said you have to stay up and not lay down. Howard asked if they have to immerse your head in that stuff to get a mould of your face. Arsenio said it's horrible. He said he's not a wussy but that's the one thing he can't handle. He said he almost cried. He said it's plaster all over you and straws to breathe out of. He said it feels like death. He said he hated it.
Howard asked what you do the whole time. Arsenio said he held someone's hand. He said he's not sure whose it was but he was squeezing their hand. He said it could have been a guy but he has no idea. He said the best part is when they cut it off your face. He said the whole thing lasts about 45 minutes. Howard said you hope they know what they're doing with all of that. He said here have been horrible accidents with people not knowing what they're doing. Arsenio said the guy doing him told him about an actor who was so frightened that he shit himself. He said he didn't tell him who it was.
Howard said Arsenio said that he would not share a trailer with Eddie because he's annoying. He said it does get boring there on the set. He said Eddie is the opposite of him so he does things differently. Arsenio said that Eddie sits in one place and he sits in another. He said Eddie doesn't ask you what you want to watch. He said Eddie just watches what he wants to watch. He said there was this thing called Mononeon and this guy plays bass and he'll score guitar and bass to conversations. He said that it's not the shit that you'd watch for six hours. He said you don't want Eddie telling you what to watch.
Howard said that it must bother you when he's like that. Arsenio said the following day they had separate trailers.
Howard said that there are people in his life who he can get caught up in. He said that he has learned to recognize that you don't do that to friends. He said it's nice that Eddie will give up control at times. Arsenio said they do watch movies that he wants to watch at times now. He said sometimes their girlfriends are in the room and they don't last long when they watch this stuff.
Howard asked if they shot this movie during the pandemic. Arsenio said they had shot it and came home on Thanksgiving. He said this all broke out a few months later.
Howard said that he loves that Louie Anderson was in Coming to America. Arsenio said they were forced to put him in it. He said the movie company thought they needed a white guy in it. Howard said they had a list and Arsenio won't say who the other two white guys were. Arsenio said that he will never tell him who they were. He said that he doesn't want to say who Louie beat out. He said that he thinks they would be upset if they found out. He said that the girl he and Howard were mutually involved with is the other person he won't mention.
Robin asked why Louie got the part. Arsenio said that he remembers John Landis showing him the list and he knew who Louie was. He said he was a veteran who was always nice to him in the comedy scene. He said that he was funny and had a great delivery and he held this handkerchief and it was such a great style he had. He said he as glad he was able to point to that name on the list.
Howard said when he was presented with the script he must have wanted to see what it was with the sequel. He asked if he thought about not doing it at any time. Arsenio said that Eddie waited a long time to do it. He said there were people who would have parties where they dressed like them from the first movie. He said he'd show Eddie things where people were dressing up as them and doing things based on the movie. He said Eddie saw that the movie wasn't going away. He said Eddie came to him with the idea and it was 4 years from that day that they worked on it. He said he let him read it 4 years later. He said that he knows Eddie has been burned by bad writing so he knew he wasn't going to do it until it was right.
Howard said they're putting it on Amazon Prime. He asked if that's disappointing to him. Arsenio said that it's complicated. He said he didn't expect the business to change like this. He said he loves that Amazon is rescuing them so people can get to see this thing. He said he's running out of shit to watch so he knows people need things to watch. He said it was weird because his girl held up the phone and it was a Deadline article about the movie. He said it was like being traded to Amazon. He said Paramount didn't call and warn them about it. He said Eddie had to get back to him when he asked about it. He said he's glad that someone will be able to see the movie because they worked really hard on it. He said this is the only way to turn lemons into lemonade. He said they were thinking about holding it until 2022 at Paramount. He said that you have to get it out there when it's fresh. He said we don't even know that theaters will be right in 2 years. Howard said if they had canned it then it could have ruined it. He said it would have sucked for them too. He said they're ready to promote it now too. Arsenio said it came out good and some of the things in the movie lend themselves to coming out now. Robin said they put a lot of work into it and it's really well done. She said Paramount made a movie and Amazon took it over. She said you can tell. Arsenio said don't leave at the end either. He said stick around. He said it never ends.
Howard said he has spent 4 days trying to see the movie and his technology doesn't work. Howard gave Arsenio a plug for the movie that comes out this Friday. He said he's on their comedy channel there on SiriusXM and he's got a Netflix special to watch too. Howard gave him plugs or all of that.
Arsenio asked if they can end in this way. He said he has a lot of people who said he had Howard beat up when he did his show. Howard said he had nothing to do with that. He said he was a young punk maniac and he was escorted out of the building. He said Arsenio had nothing to do with all of that.
Howard said he wanted to talk to Arsenio about Eddie going back to do comedy. He said he don't think he will because he was so great. Arsenio said he wanted to do a thing with all of the comics from the movie and he wanted to call it Coming All Over America. He said he thinks if there wasn't a pandemic that they would have been able to get him out there. He said he's not sure what will happen now.
Howard said they would expect so much from Eddie if he went out. He said that he'd have to kill from the start. He said it's too much pressure. He said one thing great is that they got him out to talk about this movie and he's out there doing some interviews.
Arsenio said he misses doing stand up. He said it's cathartic. Howard asked if he's writing stuff. Arsenio said he is. He said he had the legal pad there with him. He said he's go that on his iPhone too. He said he sees things and writes it all down. Howard said he has so many legal pads that they think he's a lawyer now.
Howard asked how much of that ends up in his act. Arsenio said he has to go through a lot of it. He said that he has stuff written down that he has no idea what it was. Howard said he has the same problem with his show when he writes stuff down.
Howard said he's so glad that he got him on the show today. He said he wanted to tell him he loves him and his show was great. Arsenio said he has no idea that he was so excited to be on. He said that Howard said that he hoped he had died at one time. He said if he had died he wouldn't have been able to do this interview. He said now they're friends. Howard said he has to let him know that he was such an angry young man that it had nothing to do with him. He said it was anyone in show business that had any kind of career. He said he was even mad at Letterman who had him on his show. He said it was a lonely place and a bullshit place to live. He said that he regrets it but that's who he was. He said he did a lot of therapy to find out that he doesn't hate Arsenio, he loves him. He said that he appreciates him coming on. He said he really appreciates it and he wishes him success with that movie. He said he hopes that he will be able to watch it eventually.
Arsenio said he thought they could send him a link to watch. Howard said yes. He said you must see Coming 2 America this Friday on Amazon prime. He said the first one was one of his favorite movies of all time. He said that Semmi is such a great character in the movie. Arsenio said he takes a lot of abuse in this one. He said everyone hates him in this movie. Robin said the James Earl Jones relationship with Semmi is amazing.
Howard asked if Arsenio is a weed guy and what does he love about it. Arsenio said it's just so incredible to be his age and be where he's from. He said that he was able to smoke around someone like Michael Jackson who had great weed. He said that it's weird. He said that he was living in Cleveland and this guy asked where he lived. He said that there was a weed house near where he lived. He said the weed house was his house. He said his mother's boyfriend was the weed guy and he had no idea. He said now it's so cool to be able to walk into a store and pick out weed like you're picking out jewelry. He said you forget that it's not like that around the country. He said he has to smoke so it's like a cocktail for him. Howard asked if it's better buying it in a parking lot or in a store. Arsenio said he loves coming out of the weed man's apartment. He said that it's too easy buying it from a store.
Howard asked if he ever did his show high. Arsenio said he had to smoke when he was finished. He said he did a show with George Lopez and he asked what was wrong. He said he only did 6 minutes and he had no idea. He said he never smokes before going on stage.
Howard said what a great comic George Lopez is too. He asked if there are guys that he won't follow on stage. Arsenio said he hated following Howie Mandel. He said he was a beast and got crazy laughs. He said he hated following him. Howard said he would watch him on Merv Griffin and he thought the guy was insane. He said he killed and that's the kind of guy you don't follow.
Arsenio said that he thinks Robin finally had to pee. Howard said she must have. Robin wasn't there. Arsenio said that he's putting pressure on the base to keep from peeing. Howard said he appreciates he came on. Arsenio said he can't wait to be in studio. Howard said he can't wait. He said he has so many more questions. He gave him more plugs and wrapped up with Arsenio. He thanked him again for coming on. Arsenio said he feels like Sally Field thinking that they really like him. Howard thanked him again and said he really does love him. Howard let him go. Robin said she wasn't able to wait.
Howard let Arsenio go and said that Robin has seen the movie and thought it was great. Howard said he's sure it must be good if Robin loved it. Robin said everyone in it is so funny. Howard said he was talking about Arsenio's 2019 Netflix special too. He said that's really good. He ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started the show talking about today's ''Around the World with the Wack Pack'' special they're doing. He had a special intro that he played for that. He said he was going to ask what was on your mind but it's really about what's on his mind. He said he was watching the governor of Texas who is such a mess. He said they have to get rid of him down there. He said they just came off this disaster with the power grid and now he's saying they're taking the mask mandate away. He said Biden just came out and said we have to be vigilant about this virus and this guy says no one needs to wear a mask anymore and they're fully open. Robin said she's not sure why the mask has to go. Howard said it's all about ''freedom'' there. He said if he's living there he's wondering what this guy is going to liberate. He said now you can drive as drunk as you want, no more seatbelts or getting pulled over for drinking and driving. Robin said how about smoking indoors again. Howard said no more clothing anymore. He said then he rips off his clothes and his tiny penis is there.
Howard said how about Governor Abbott does away with speed limits and all of that. He said he's all for weapons but open carry is kind of Mad Max for him. He said he's not going to be doing that. He said he has no problem if you want to hide that thing. He said down there murder is no longer against the law. He said fans of his who are in Texas should know there were 50,000 new cases of COVID in this country. He said don't listen to this guy. He said listen to the president and Dr. Fauci and wear your mask. Robin said listen to science since your governor isn't taking care of you.
Howard said he was on Twitter this morning. He said he loves following Seth Rogen. He said he's so great with this weed stuff. He said he doesn't take it himself but he loves drug culture. He said he loves people who love weed. He said they treat it like it's a woman. He said Seth's big tweet this morning was that for 10 years he's been fantasizing about having a weed company. He said he looks like he's been sampling a lot and lost a lot of weight too. He said he's so into it that he does pottery and makes stuff just for weed like ashtrays. He said he's so into weed.
Howard said he loves Seth. He said that he's been trying to come up with this weed company and he put time into it. He said that he didn't just come out with it immediately when it was legalized. He said that he was speaking to Cheech and Chong and they said he was too into weed. He said this morning he's announcing that he has his own weed company. He said he had this ice cream cone looking thing that was filled with weed. He said he used to buy weed in college and high school and all he could afford was $5 at a time. He said he would get seeds and a little bit of stuff that was smokeable. He said he was told to strain out the seeds but then he'd have nothing left to smoke. He said Seth was showing how good the weed was and it was nice and soft and had juices coming out of it. He said it almost made him want to get back into weed. He said he's not a weed guy but it looked fantastic. He said it all comes in a tin that's stackable. He said this is the weed that Seth smokes. He said he always says it's Sativa and he has no idea what that is. He said Seth has this weed that he named. Robin said she thought she heard something about Pancake Ice. Howard said that's it. He said he named it like he did in Pineapple Express. He said this guy is such an expert on weed. He said he's probably there helping grow it. Robin said he's like the Juan Valdez of weed.
Howard said he can't wait to talk to Seth again about this. He said he loves it. He said Seth was talking about how this is the weed he smokes all day. He said he's not sure how he functions. He said he says it has 35 percent THC. He said they told JD to smoke like 2 percent and this is up to 35. He said that they'll eventually get to 100 percent. Howard said he names his weed after weather strains. He said he's not sure what that's all about but that's how they do it. He said he was very excited for him. He said it was so Cheech and Chong for him. He said he's living it. He said he's not even in a movie.
Howard said getting back to the governor of Texas this guy is a mad man. He said he's consumed with this guy. He said people in Texas beware. He said he's going to keep wearing a mask even when this pandemic is over. He said he's been healthy all this year because he's been away from people.
Howard said they say that children are going crazy being away from the other kids. He said he would have loved this as a kid. He said it would have saved his life. He said he was in a horrible school. Robin said he would have been trapped at home though. Howard said if his parents had gotten him a small apartment he would have been fine. He said he was wondering what would have been worse, being with his parents or being at school. He said he was talking to Beth about this earlier. He said that going to school was the worst part of his life. He said he was wondering what it would have been like being trapped with his parents. He said they would be staying home all day too. He said he'd want his father to go to work.
Howard said maybe he was better off going to school and fighting. He said it sobered him up. He said he wouldn't have wanted to be trapped in the house with his parents. He did an impression of his mother talking about how tough things were for them.
Howard said he would have to make a choice between his mother talking about suffering and going to school and fighting. He had his mother talking about how tough her life was and how he had no idea what it was like for her.
Howard said he was on the phone with his psychiatrist all day yesterday. He said he would have to continue that on next time. He said he was always in fights in school. He said he was like 6'2'' and people expect you to win every fight. He said fight announcers would say that he has the reach so he should be able to win. He said he was being beaten by women 5'1'' tall. He said he can hear the call now. He was doing an impression of the announcer talking about how things were going horribly wrong as he was getting beaten in the head on the ground.
Howard said the pain of the fight goes away but the things his mother put in his head are in there for his whole life. He said he would have been better off going to school and not staying home with his parents during a pandemic.
Howard said what he was saying is that the people in Texas are in big trouble. He said he hopes some smart people wake up and vote Ted Cruz and this governor out. Robin said they're not the only state that's doing this. Howard said there's a new conspiracy theory that the snow was fake down there. He said that's a legitimate conspiracy theory. He said that's what they think down there. Howard said the NY Times did a story about people believing that this riot at the Capitol was actually Antifa people doing the attack. Howard said they followed the trail to where this started and it led back to radio shows where these guys put the conspiracy out there. He said it made it to FOX News and places like that. He said that it blows up into all of that. He said this story that the snow had something to do with Bill Gates is crazy. He said it's always Bill Gates. He said it's wild. He said there's this guy who runs the FBI being questioned and he was asked about Antifa. He said there was zero evidence that nothing other than Trump supporters were there. He said this is the head of the FBI. Howard said these wacky Senators who are mostly Republicans go to CPAC and say there were people there at the riots who weren't trump supporters. He said he's not sure how they sleep at night.
Howard said the whole world is wacky right now. He said he's glad he's hiding out at home. He said the latest conspiracy is that the snow in Texas was fake. He said they were trying to melt the snow with lighters and stuff and they claim it doesn't melt so it's not real. He said this is a clip of these idiots doing all of this. He said if you know anything about snow it doesn't drip. He said it turns to vapor and that's what they learned in science class. He said that they take a snowball and they don't see any water so they don't get what's happening. Robin said it gets smaller though. Howard said they just don't get it.
Howard played a clip of a woman blow drying the snow. She kept saying there are no drips.
Howard said then there are these people who blame Bill Gates. He said this guy is the most philanthropic guy out there. He said he gives a crazy amount of money to charity. He said that the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation does so much for people. He said if we weren't living in a country of schmucks they'd probably be blowing the guy. Howard said this is a clip of people blaming Bill Gates for the ''fake snow.'' Howard played the clip and this woman was talking about how this snow doesn't melt but if you put it in the microwave it sparks. They were saying this isn't water. Howard said he's not sure how they make the jump to Bill Gates with all of this.
Howard took a call from a guy in Texas who said it's a loony bin down there. He said there are idiots in government and idiots taking calls from them. He said now the mask thing is going away and now everyone is going to go out without masks on. He said his wife is a teacher and she has to do her job with this. He said the biggest disease carrying thing in history is a kid. Howard said this guy Abbott is something. He said they have to be convinced that the guy is an idiot. He said Ted Cruz looked like an idiot too. He said maybe shit will get more normal down there. The caller said that it's not just one guy. He said there are a lot of idiots down there. He said it's fucking crazy there. Howard told the guy to hang in there.
Howard said he has to present the other viewpoint. He said he has Alex Jones calling in via Zoom. He took the call from Fake Alex who was rambling on and on with his conspiracy theories and blaming Bill Gates for the fake snow in Texas. Howard said he's not sure how they get that tie in down there. Alex explained it to Howard with his wacky theory. Howard said he's trying to get this. He said he thinks he's saying that the snow is real but then they put the story out that it's fake to make his side look bad. Alex said it's something like that. He went on to tell a story about his father and the things he knew that were secrets.
Howard said it looks like his business is thriving. He said he looks like he's doing well. Alex said he's doing well and he doesn't have to bow to Satan.
Howard said he doesn't get how they get to the Bill Gates stuff. Alex was starting to explain it and then he got a call from Bill Gates who was Satan on a thrown of needles. That led into a live commercial read for some of Alex's InfoWars.com products.
Howard said he has one more question for him. He said he noticed that there's something called Vitamin O. He asked if that's real. Alex said it gives you Alpha Male strength. He said that they want you to give up on God and listen to Soros and Gates.
Howard asked who is worse, Bill Gates or George Soros. Alex thought about it for a second and went back and forth on which one to pick. He said that he would say Gates works for Soros so Soros is the greatest. He said you can't discredit the fact that Bill Gates ordered $60,000 of hot dogs to his hotel room and hot dogs means children. Howard said he remembers years ago he was saying that shrimp were turning gay so this is some change.
Howard asked who he would rather watch have sex, Hillary Clinton or Nancy Pelosi. Alex said he will answer quickly. He said that he does a family show. He said he would rather see Nancy Pelosi. He said he has nightmares about Hillary. He got in more plugs for his show and said he has Reptilian Tom Hanks calling gin later and he has a lot more to get to. Howard said the snow is real in Texas.
Howard let Alex go after his crazy InfoWars thing played. Howard said his whole set just collapsed.
Robin said that there are people who have said they see their family being taken over by these conspiracy theories and they don't know what to do. Howard said he has cop friends who are convinced that the Antifa thing is real. He said he doesn't know what to do. Robin said there were people who turned in their parents for going to the Capitol because they were so blown away by it.
Howard said at some point a newspaper quoted their fake Alex Jones. He said it turned out it was something Alex had actually said but it was from their stick puppet who said it. He said it's getting very confusing out there.
Howard took a call from another guy calling in from Texas. He said he's getting frustrated down there. He said this no more mask thing is crazy. He said Abbott isn't worried because he's probably vaccinated and they'll treat him like they treated Trump for his COVID. He said you get who you elect and you get what you deserve.
The caller said he's lived in Texas all his life but he's ready to move. He said he's tired of it. Howard said when you think the snow is fake you have to give up. He said he's not sure how you live in a crazy town like that. He said if his neighbors all thought the snow was fake he'd have to get out too. He said he'd pack up and leave in the middle of the night.
Howard said we're really into some crazy stuff. He said they don't believe what they see out their windows.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has two kids and one has some cancer in her leg. She said she's all vaccinated and she feels great but now this is going on down there in Texas and it's making her crazy. Howard said they're trying to get this virus under control and end it but now this guy is making it impossible. Howard wished the woman luck with it all down there in Texas. Robin said there are places that got back to normal life without a vaccine. She said we have the most cases in the world and we're handling it the most poorly of all the countries in the world.
Robin said she can't see the world before this. Howard said he knows. He said it seems like 100 years ago.
Howard said he wants to get to the Wack Pack stuff. He said he has the staff coming in with updates on the Wack Pack.
Howard said he heard that Stevie Wonder spoke to Oprah and he said that he's moving to Ghana because of the way things are here. He said he wants his grandchildren to be respected and he thinks he's referring to race. He said he heard Stevie talking about this in the 90s talking about moving to Africa. He said that this country does have issues with race but kids also love food and things like that. He said Ghana isn't the best place to move. He said the LGBTQ community is under fire in Ghana. He read a story about what's going on there and how bad things are there. He said he's recommending that maybe Stevie should move to Canada instead of Ghana. He said that's what he would do. Robin said she's not sure where to move. She said things are crazy around the world. She said he might as well stay here. Howard said maybe he should move to Mars. Robin said they have to wait for that to be built before they can go there. Robin said she heard about some guy who is sending people to the moon.
Howard said this guy he knows said just move Stevie to Florida and he'll think he's in Ghana. Howard said he thinks he'd know.
Howard said he stated watching Lucifer and Beth started watching it and liked it so he has to watch with her. He said he thinks that he might have to sign up for Paramount Plus. Robin said he will have it if he has CBS All Access. Robin said they had a great show called Mr. Mercedes on Peacock. She said then they had another show that she can't think of. She said this guy was a border patrol guy who got caught up in all of this stuff. She said there's also a show called Snowfall that's amazing on FX. Howard said there's not enough shows for Robin. Robin said there's a lot on Peacock that she likes. She said there are things on CBS All Access she likes too.
Howard said he has a calendar service that tells him when these things are coming out. Robin said she forgets about shows that she started and just forgot to watch.
Howard said he saw a movie that he liked. He said it was Brittany Runs a Marathon. He said he thought the previews were shit but he liked the movie. He said she didn't get skinny enough for him but it was good. He said it was too real for him. He said he liked the movie a lot. He said he paints so that takes up a lot of his day. He said he doesn't have time for too much. Robin said he has to see ''The Only living Boy In New York.'' She said she thinks that's on Prime.
Howard said he has dropped a pound. He said he was on lock down yesterday. He said he's getting into that danger zone with his belly hanging over the belt. He said his hips are getting large like a woman too. He said he ate a hard boiled egg with a small potato. He said that's it. He said he microwaved it so long that it looked like a golf ball when it was done.
Howard said his Peloton instructor is so hot and she gives these affirmations when she's doing the class. He said he hates hearing about her husband though. He said he even Googled the husband to see if he was good looking. He said he thinks that he's better looking than the husband and that's pathetic. He said that's really not good. He said the instructor said this thing twice about something that he took to heart. He said that he was thinking about that.
Howard said he hasn't seen his parents in over a year now. He said he would go to see them and they'd shove him out the door within like 10 minutes. He said that they'd be checking the time and get him out of there quickly. He said that he has a similar experience but they can't tolerate him. He said he spends half the day getting to them and they kick him out.
Howard read some feedback about the Arsenio interview. He got a lot of positive feedback about that.
Howard said someone wrote in about how this was one of the best interviews ever on the show. He read a few comments about how great it was.
Howard read some feedback about Apples and Ronnie. He said the listeners are finding Apples annoying. He read some feedback about how annoying Apples can be. Howard read some of that feedback and people were saying he has to stop taking his calls and Ronnie has every right to be angry with him.
Howard said that everyone agreed that Ronnie's prank call as Barry White was awful. Robin said she kept wondering where the prank was. Howard read some of that negative feedback about the call.
Howard said he has another phony phone call that Ronnie made. He said the only reason he didn't play it yesterday is because it's worse than the other one. He said he called and auto shop about his broken petcock. He said it is so bad. He said he listened to it and Ronnie thinks it's good. He said Ronnie told Sal he thought that it was so good that they might fire Sal and Richard and hire him to do phony phone calls. Howard said Ronnie claims he was kidding but he thinks he was serious.
Howard said when he listened to these off the air he found himself zoning. He said it's so fucking boring that he's not sure how he could approve it. Robin said they can stop it. Howard said they have to commit and listen to the whole thing. He said you need to hear how horrible it really is. Robin said she likes doing that. She said when they say a movie is so bad she has to see how bad it is and watch the whole thing.
Howard said this call is so bad it's going to turn off the whole audience and they'll all tune out.
Howard said Ronnie was complaining that his call wasn't better received. Robin said this is a shock to him. Howard said it is. He said he has to issue a warning about this call. He said if you're driving you should pull over in case you fall asleep during the call. He said he almost did when he was previewing it.
Howard said this Petcock thing is a 14 year old reference to something they talked about on the show. He said that was something in his car that they talked about 14 years ago. Howard said they told Ronnie to go off and make a phony phone call and he came up with everything. He said this petcock thing is in a car that controls the flow of liquid and Ronnie thought using the word ''cock'' was brilliant.
Howard said he's going to say goodbye to the listeners now because it's so boring. He said come back later for Wackapedia. Howard played the call that Ronnie made to this auto shop and he asks about the petcock thing and he's not able to get any liquid through it. The shop guy asked if it was part of his radiator. Ronnie said he's not getting any fluid out of his cock. They went back and forth with Ronnie shortening it to cock instead of petcock.
Howard said that was it. Robin said thank goodness it was short. Howard said maybe Robin didn't get it. He said cock means penis. He said there you go.
Howard took a call from a guy and asked how he thought that went over. The caller said he missed some of it. Howard said he told you that's what happened to him too. He said he heard the beginning and then his brain started hurting. He said it's short too. Howard said that guy doesn't even know that he was pranked. He said the call didn't go anywhere. He said this guy thinks Ronnie is going to show up to get his petcock fixed.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks it's great to live in Texas and have a life unlike the rest of the country. Howard asked if she approves of people not wearing masks. He said he would love to hear her point of view. He asked if she thinks the snow is fake too. He asked if she thinks it's okay that the CDC is saying that we have to be careful but this governor is the one taking away the mask mandate. The caller said they're no worse off than the rest of the country and they've been open all this time. The caller said the lock down versus the not lock down shows it's not that different. Howard said that we have mutations now and they're begging us to wear masks to stop that. The caller said if the mask wearing works so well then it would stop. Howard said it doesn't work because of people like her. The caller said they've been working and the kids have been in school since April. Howard said they have to stop the pandemic. He said she must want it to last forever. The caller said we can't just live our lives. Howard let her go and told her to hang in there. He said yesterday close to 58,000 people were tested positive in the country yesterday. He said 1300 people died. He said this woman just has to be free. He said that woman is the problem. He said they don't get it. Robin said she doesn't get that what they do down there spreads to the rest of the country.
Howard said he has to get to this Wackapedia. He said they sit down and find out what's going on with the Wack Pack. He said it's so simple. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about the Gary virginity thing and how you always have to wait a while before it happens again.
Howard introduced the song that was playing and said he went into this business to do that. He said it's so strange.
Howard said they were talking about Gary and Stump the Booey the other day. He said they were talking about how Jon Hein would like to play music trivia against Gary. He said guys love to trash talk. He said he was on Team Gary but he's not sure how good Jon is so he's not sure why that is. He said they should test Jon out to see how good he is. He said he put together about 5 songs for Jon to try. He said he wants to see if he has any ability at all. He said they know Gary is good at it. He said his head is filled with useless information. He said they have to see if Jon's is too.
Howard said he thinks that Jon ate so much fast food that he lost a lot of brain cells. He said he was watching This is Us and two of the characters went to Dairy Queen. He said they had this shake that's called a Snickers shake. He said it has chopped up pieces of Snickers in it. He said the character Beth wanted that after she gave birth. He said the thought of that blew his mind. He said he'll never have that in his life but it sounded so good to him. He said he can't have chocolate anymore. He said that thing had to be 3000 calories. He said he would like to just have one before he dies. He said he might have one on his way out.
Howard asked if Jon has had that. Jon said he has had an Oreo Blizzard but not the Snickers. He said you can get a very small size to try it. Howard said he doesn't' like small size anything. He said if he's going to do it he's going all in. He said these two were sipping on it and he wanted to kill himself. He said those two are skinny so they're not eating that stuff.
Howard said he wants to die after living a long life fairly healthy. He said then the doctor tells him that he's going to die and he can go eat that Snickers Blizzard all he wants. He said he'd have 3 days left to eat nothing but Blizzards.
Howard said his parents are in their 90s and he wonders why they don't just get a bottle of wine and drink it all they want. He said his mother says she's ready to go and it's been enough after having a cold. He said that any little thing she's ready to go. He said she's been doing this to him since high school. He said she has to be kidding him at this point. He said it's enough already. He said just do it or shut up. He said he'd come home from school and his mother would be talking about how she didn't want to go on. He said he was just a kid and he'd heard enough after 15 times. He said she's saying it's too much for her. He said how about just down a bottle of wine and enjoy it. He said he'll order them a Snickers Blizzard. He said he wants to live so he won't eat that but his mother says she's ready to go so why not try it.
Howard said he thinks his father should drink whisky if he wants to but his mother says he turns red if he does. He said who cares, he's 97. He said let him turn red.
Robin asked if they have enjoyed their lives at all. Howard said he's not sure and he doesn't want to get into it. Howard was doing his impression of his mother talking about how they have enjoyed their life and Howard has had it very good. Howard said he worked up the courage to ask her once about dad not really liking him. He said she said ''Look... I knew something was going on...'' Howard said he thought that was good. He said he was getting some confirmation. He said that she said she loves him and his father loves him and then she asked what all of this carrying on is about. He said she didn't have a mother and all of that. Howard said he will never ask if they were happy. He said he can't take it. He had his mother talking about how life is meant to be miserable.
Howard said he's not sure how he got on that. Jon said they were talking about the Blizzard. Howard said he has Jon Hein audio book on the phone. He wanted to talk about Dairy Queen. Howard took the call and the guys played clips of Jon talking about the history of Dairy Queen.
Howard asked if he has anything about the blizzard. Jon clips went on and on about Dairy Queen. Howard said he's had enough. He hung up on audio book Jon.
Howard said Jon Hein has diabetes. He said Jon used to wake up and have 4 blueberry Pop Tarts. Jon said they were frosted Blueberry. Howard said he had a pint of ice cream every night too. Jon said he used to have fruit for lunch and sometimes he would have a pint of ice cream. He said he was losing weight doing that but he didn't know he had diabetes. He said he lost 30 pounds in a month and then they diagnosed him with diabetes. He said he was 26 or 27 at the time. Howard said life is a bitch. Jon said he had no idea.
Howard said he's about to test Jon on his music knowledge. He said he sees that Ham Hands Bill and High Pitch Erik have both gotten the COVID vaccine. He took a call from Ham Hands Bill who said that he is vaccinated. Bill said he got the Moderna vaccine and he's getting his second shot on the 16th of this month.
Howard said High Pitch Erik is vaccinated too. He said that's good news for fans of Erik. He said he's one of the most valuable assets of the show. He said he's good for the economy because he spends that Cameo money. He got Erik on and asked how that went. Erik said he got the Pfizer vaccine and he feels fine. He told Howard how it went at 8 this morning. He said his next one is March 24th.
Erik asked if he wants to hear from Low Pitch. Howard said he would. He asked him how he's doing. Low Pitch said that he has no underlying conditions so he didn't need the vaccine. Howard went back and forth with High and Low Pitch Erik asking questions. He found out Low Pitch isn't into guys like High Pitch is. He said that he's into women like Jenny McCarthy and Jennifer Aniston. High Pitch said he's into Donnie Wahlberg. Howard asked if Low Pitch would be into Robin. Low Pitch said that he loves black women and he loves big breasts on black women.
Howard asked if he would tittie fuck Robin. Low Pitch said he would. Howard asked if Erik has had any dreams about Donnie lately. High Pitch said he still masturbates to him on Blue Bloods. Howard asked if he freezes the picture so he doesn't finish when a commercial is on. Erik said he does DVR the show so he can pause it where he wants to. Howard asked if Low Pitch pauses it on Jennifer Aniston images. Erik said he does. He said he doesn't even have to touch himself and he's finishing. Howard asked High Pitch if he can do that with Donnie and Chris Wilding. High Pitch said not Chris Wilding but Donnie for sure.
Howard asked why he never sees Low Pitch around High Pitch. High Pitch said that he lives in a different place. The two Eriks were saying they live in different places but they do hang out.
Howard asked the two Eriks what they think of each other. Low Pitch said he loves High Pitch. He said they agree on many things. He said they agree that Apples shouldn't be picking on Ronnie. Howard asked High Pitch if he's into Low Pitch. Low Pitch started to talk so Howard had to remind him he was talking to High Pitch.
Howard said to sum up Erik has been vaccinated. He asked if Low Pitch is vaccinated. Low Pitch said he's not yet. He said he has no underlying conditions and he's too young. Howard said alright guys. High Pitch said his 50th birthday is coming up soon. Howard asked if Low Pitch is going. Low Pitch said it depends on what day it is. Howard said this is great. He said he thinks that Erik should have a threesome with Donnie and Low Pitch. Low Pitch said he's not into that. He said he does watch Blue Bloods but he doesn't watch with High Pitch.
Howard said he has to let them go. Ham Hands said something about Jon and Gary's competition and what the loser should have to get farted on by Will the Farter when they're back in the studio.
Howard said Jon Hein thinks he can Stump the Booey and there's a lot on the line. He said Gary and Jon have agreed that the loser will have to give up their voting rights to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Howard said this is just practice for Jon today. He said Jon will have to give him the exact name and artist.
Howard played a clip and asked Jon if he knows what this is. Jon said he has it. He said it's ''You Belong to the City'' by Glenn Frey. Howard said very good.
Howard played another song and Jon said he thinks he has it. Howard played the clip again. He gave him a hint about where it peaked on the charts. Jon said he thinks it's ''I Can't Drive 55'' by Sammy Hagar. Howard said that's right. He said very good.
Howard played another clip for Jon and he got it immediately. He said it was ''Heat of the Moment'' by Asia. Howard said that's right. He said it's a horrible song.
Howard played the next song and Jon said that it's ''I Think We're Alone Now'' by Tiffany. Howard said he couldn't be more right. He said he actually likes this song.
Howard said this is it. He said if he gets this one he's good. He played another clip and Jon said it's ''Puttin' on the Ritz'' by Taco. Howard said he's good. He said he had to play this at NBC. Jon said he hated this song. Howard said he did too. He said he had to play it just about every day on his show. Howard talked the song up like he was at WNBC.
Howard said what a horrible job. He asked what he was thinking. Fred played a jingle from WNBC for Howard's show. Howard had Fred do that again so he can try that talk up again. He did that and tried again but it wasn't working for him. Howard tried one more time but there was a delay. He talked the song up after the jingle though.
Howard said it says that JD and Chris are willing to put money on Jon after that. Howard asked Gary if he was able to get all of those. Gary said he did and he doesn't think they were that hard. Robin asked if there's a tie what do they do. Howard said there won't be a tie. He said it might take a whole show to get through the game. He said they have nothing but time to fill. He said he'd love it if it went the whole show.
Howard said in the past Gary missed ''I Can't Drive 55'' when he was tested. He said Jon got it right away. Gary said he won't miss it again. Howard said he's going to get to this Wackapedia thing. He said they have to take a break first. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and talked up the song like a DJ at WNBC. He said he really should get to this Wack Pack stuff. He said he has a guy on the phone who went to the January 6th protest. He said he'd leave her if he was this guy. Howard took the call and the guy said his wife went but didn't storm the capitol. He said he needs some advice. He said before the election she was buying food and backup generators and things that they'll never use. Howard said he has to be totally candid. He said he bought a backup generator and food too. He said that he did everything but go to January 6th so far. The caller said it's more than that.
The caller said his wife is into the conspiracy theory thing and she's gone down that rabbit hole. He said she doesn't think the snow is fake or anything like that but she believes other stuff. Howard asked if she believes that Antifa thing and all of that. The caller said yes. Howard asked what she says about Bill Gates and why is he the evil guy. The caller said he thinks he's just an easy target because he's so rich. Howard asked if his wife is hot. The caller said she has had two kids and he does love her and they've been together for 20 years. He said she's also the bread winner in the family. Howard said he has to stay with her then.
Howard asked the guy if he has a job. The caller said he was laid off about a year ago. Howard said he has to stay then.
Howard asked what he's looking for. The caller said that they have young kids and she's very intelligent and strong willed so there's no turning her from where she's gone. He said that there's no reasoning with her. He said she has like minded friends and family who back her up. Howard asked what he wants from him. The caller said he feels stuck. Howard said he is stuck. He said when you live with a crazy person, and she is, it's very hard to do anything without fucking up the whole scene.
Howard said Gary's mother was crazy and his dad pulled him aside and told him that she was nuts. He said you don't want the kids becoming conspiracy theorists. He said they might. He said this guy is stuck. He said he can't leave. He said he has to be there for the kids but he has no money. He said maybe she'd have to give him support. The caller said he can't even think that far down the road. He said that this has only intensified after the election. Howard said if everyone was normal they could have her committed. He said that they might be as wacky as she is there in the hospital. He said that half the country is off their rocker.
Howard said even if they find out Trump was like Al Capone and cheated on his taxes it's going to be tough to find him guilty because so many people are nuts now.
Howard asked the caller if he's thought about faking his death. He said if his wife wasn't on the same page as him he'd be out of there. He said he doesn't want to make light of this but if she's that much of a nut then he should tell her that he turned gay because of the fluoride in the water. He said that he could get out of there. Howard said this guy Tim has a real problem. He said if the person you're with is buying into all of this nuttiness then it's hard. He said that we have the CDC telling us that we need to wear masks and the FBI telling us there were only Trump supporters at the riots on January 6th. He said we're in Nuttyville. Tim said that there are stories about these people not believing institutions and they think that these things are false. Howard said you can't take her someplace to have her deprogrammed.
Tim said that in the last 10 years she voted for Hillary in the primary. He said there's been a shift and a huge shift. He said there is hope but not big hope. He said that he appreciates what he had to say about his kids too. Howard said you can't just tell them that their mother is a nut job.
Howard asked Gary what his father told him. Gary said it was awesome. He said that he was about 6 and his mother was in the hospital. He said his father told him that she was sick but sick in the head and it's not her fault. Howard said he loves that story.
Howard said there was an NPR story about how to deprogram people like this who are cult followers. Robin said maybe he should get the book about that. Gary said they say you're supposed to hug them and give them love because they're just living in fear. He said they're fearful and grabbing on to these things.
Howard asked Tim how good she is in bed. He said sometimes crazy is crazy in bed. Tim said unfortunately that doesn't correlate in his situation. He said that this is just a sad thing for him and he's doing what he can to keep his kids protected from it. He said he and his oldest kid don't talk about how nutty his wife is but they kind of get that she's nutty.
Howard took a call from a woman who had to divorce her husband after 14 years of marriage because of this. The caller said that her husband had a ton of ammo and a bunch of guns and his mental capacity was going down. She said she got an EPO on him and they let him give his guns to his mother and get them back. She said what happened is that he kept going down and down and the kids were really worried. She said they were going to go to counseling and they were going to try to support daddy. She said that he ended up being violent so they had to leave.
Tim said maybe they can hook up. He said he's only about an hour and a half away. Howard said Tim has to get a job at some point. Tim said he knows. He said it's tough when you have to take care of the kids. Howard said it is tough.
The female caller said that Tim and the kids need counseling. Tim said they have considered that. Howard said maybe that's the answer there. He said for the sake of the kids and Tim they should get some counseling. Howard wished them luck and wrapped up with Tim.
Howard said he's going with Memet first. He said that they put Sal into a job interview once and Sal was horrible in it. He said they put Tan Mom in with an interviewer and wait until you hear this. He said Memet moved out of Manhattan. Memet said they moved out of the city. Howard said now where they live they have some girl who lives next door and she's running around naked by her window. Memet said this is more his girlfriend's thing. He said he did see her naked once outside. He said that his girlfriend isn't a big fan of that.
Howard said he heard that Memet's girlfriend says that he's obsessed now. Memet said the girl is fine and she seems like a nice person. He said she looks pleasant. He said he has to be careful what he says. Howard asked him to wink twice if she's a 10. Memet said he won't be winking. Howard said he heard that she was hot and she might be filming internet porn. Memet said that his girlfriend thinks that she might be doing that.
Howard said that Memet looks out his window and sees this girl. He said all of a sudden she's out there naked. Memet said that she's about 1/3 of the age of Tan Mom and the Tan Mom tapes are really good. He said he's not sure what good is going to come out of this. Howard said this is life so it's good radio. Howard said Memet is looking out the window and he can be accused of looking at this girl. Memet said that it caused some tension there for a while but things are good now. Howard said what he saw was a girl dancing naked. Memet said he will be honest for a moment. He said that he thinks the problem is that he saw her naked one time and didn't tell his girlfriend about it right away. He said he casually mentioned it later and he lied about it and that got him in trouble. He said that he'd be a creep if he told her right away. Howard said he should have told her immediately. He said that's what he would have done.
Howard said he has to play it like he thinks she's nuts and she's not that hot. He said you have to be grossed out by her labia being pierced. Memet said his girlfriend is a knock out and she's way out of his league.
Gary said he hasn't seen fear in someone's eyes like that in a long time. He said something is going on with Memet. He said now he's afraid to speak. He said he looks terrified. Memet said he's not. Gary said he is. Howard said it caused problems. Howard asked what he thinks is going on next door. Memet said you'd have to hear from his girlfriend. He said he only sees her dance a little bit in front of the phone. He said that his girlfriend thinks that she's doing OnlyFans or something like that. Howard said he's seen it more than once. Memet said he only saw her naked one time. He said he may have looked away right away. He said he didn't sit there watching her. He said his work desk is right by the window. Howard said Sal would have watched. Sal said he'd still be watching and you'd never hear from him.
Howard asked Mary to get in there and talk about this with them. Mary came in and Howard said he sees a beautiful woman there. He said he's not sure why he'd be watching. Mary said this girl is like 19 years old but Memet said she's like 29. He said they looked her up. Howard said Mary thinks something is going on with this girl dancing around naked. He said she finds it a problem with Memet if he keeps watching. Mary said she is worried about his work if he keeps watching her. She said she has a view out her window where this man urinates outside and it's disgusting. She said that it's all yellow and bloody. Howard said she's being serious about this. He said that this guy is peeing out there. Mary said this guy wants people to see his struggle. She said she thought about bringing him cookies or something. She said she was telling Memet that they should do something but then she saw him jerking stuff. Memet said that he thought it would be bad for her to do that.
Howard said it sounds like they moved to a homeless shelter. Memet said it's actually a nice neighborhood. Howard said maybe they should switch offices. Mary said she understands why Memet looks at her. She said that he saw her naked and he had seen her doing her dance on TikTok. She said that she does it for like 2 hours at a time.
Mary said that there must be 100 other New Yorkers who have seen her and she has done things like that herself. She said that she wanted to put up a sign saying that he can see her. She said maybe she'd buy some curtains. Howard said that would only invite trouble if you hung signs. He said don't do that. Robin said don't get involved with either of the window people.
Howard asked Mary where they can see her naked. He said that he's happily married so he's not sure he'd want to see that but where can they see that. He said every stupid thing he's ever done is on the internet so maybe she should be too.
Howard said it's unbelievable what's going on out there. Mary said with quarantine going on you see the same people every day. She said that she gets that people would be interested in seeing that. Howard said he wants to come visit her based on that description. Memet said she was naked just once. Mary said he closes the door so she doesn't bother him when it's closed. she said she could be naked all the time for all she knows.
Howard said there's no going back in time now. He said that next time he should include Mary in the viewing. He said Mary is very attractive herself so there's no competition there.
Robin said they shouldn't choose where they live next. Howard asked if they have any wedding plans. Mary showed here was no ring on her finger. she said they have no plans and they're just trying to get through quarantine. Memet said this is a good test for them. He said if she can make it through this with him they can get through anything. He said this has been a trial by fire since they moved in together about a month before this whole thing started.
Howard said he has Memet's inner voice on the phone. He took the call and the inner voice was talking about how obsessed he is with this girl. Howard said this is terrible and it backfired. He hung up within seconds.
Howard said he hopes that ring gets on her finger and this works out. Howard said whatever Mary is doing is working. He said Memet has a lot of fear in him and she's gotten him in line. Howard said that maybe call them if they need another place to live.
Howard said Tan Mom was told to wear professional attire and she wore a sun dress and a lot of perfume. Howard said when you go for a job interview your nipples shouldn't be visible. Memet said she does enjoy showing off her body.
Memet said in the next clip she was asked how she deals with workplace conflict. Howard played the clip and Tan Mom said we all snap and don't get in her face. She said she'd ask the person why she's staring at her. She said that pisses her off. She said if you want to look at her then say something nice or stop staring.
Howard said she's already made up a fight with an imaginary co-worker. Memet said in the next clip there's some crying involved. He said he would say don't cry at work but he didn't cry during the job interview. He said that she cries in this clip. Howard played the clip and Tan Mom was asked what her biggest weakness is. She said she's too nice. She broke down crying when she talked about problems she had in 8th grade. She said she doesn't like mean people.
Howard said so far nothing has gone well with this job interview. Memet said you should have a reasonable expectations for a salary. He said she doesn't. Howard played the clip and Tan Mom was talking about what she'd want and it was $300,000 at least. She said she'd prefer $500,000. She said she can offer anything and everything beside sex.
Memet said sometimes interviewers will ask out of the box questions. He said that she asked what kind of musical instrument she would be. Tan Mom said she would be a pianist. She said she loves the opera. She started to sing to the interviewer. Then she started going on and on about the horrible things in the world and how frustrated she gets seeing it on TV.
Howard asked who would hire her. Memet said this all wraps it up. He said when the job interview is done you have to give yourself a review. He said Tan Mom gave herself a 6. Howard played the clip where Tan Mom talked about how well she thought she did. She was talking to Wolfie about that and he said that she felt that she was honest and confident and she would hire herself if she was the boss.
Howard said that went so well she already spent her first paycheck based on half a million a year. Robin asked why Sal was laughing because he was worse. Howard said Sal was so bad.
Memet said Tan Mom even critiqued the job interviewer. Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to Tan Mom about that. Tan Mom said she was lacking in the question area and she didn't know what to ask her. She said she didn't know what she was doing and she probably hasn't done this before. She said she was nice though. She said she's not perfect but she could do a better job than her.
Memet said this is the H.R. Person giving her review of Tan Mom's interview. Howard played the clip and the woman said she was confused by Tan Mom and she didn't know what she was telling her and she wasn't very coherent when she was talking at times. She said it was a little bit challenging. She said that it was a first for her when she broke down crying. She said that she would give her maybe a 4 on a scale of 10. Robin said she's very generous.
Howard thanked Memet for the update. He said that includes the naked woman outside his window. He said he might have to visit to see that.
Howard said he has to pee so he has to take a break. He said he loves when Fred plays the clip of Tan Mom trying to say Ariana Grande. Fred played that and Howard said she put no effort into that. Howard said he found himself saying that over the weekend. He said it led to a song. He played the song and went to break.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said something about Memet being a douche bag. He said he has the most punchable voice he's ever heard. He said he's not even a man. Howard said he was in hot water with the girlfriend. He said maybe they can watch together and get turned on. Howard said he didn't handle it well but he thinks maybe he'll improve next time. The caller said he blew that chance already.
The caller asked if he thinks he's jerking off more or less or the same as a regular year. Howard said that's a good question. He said he'd say the same. The caller said that he would say things are about the same with sex too. Robin said she thinks he's having more. Howard said he's very happy. He said being locked in the house is the safest for him. He said that he would have loved to have been home when he was a kid. Robin said she doesn't think he would have been happy. She said there would be no relenting access to him. Howard said he thinks he'd have to be in his own pad. He said that would be a different story.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's a nurse in Cleveland and she heard the caller talking about the wife earlier. She said that she's losing friends over the mask wearing thing. She asked if Howard and Robin are losing friends. Howard said she sounds upset about this. The caller said her friend won't talk to her anymore and she's been friends with her since they were 8.
Howard said he and Robin talk about this off the air. He said he has lost friends. He said their IQ has been revealed to them and it's a big turn off. He said yes he has. He said it's more than one. He said it's many. Robin said she feels that one person is prodding her and they seem to think it's a joke. She said they know how she feels about things and they will send her a meme or a picture of something about their political beliefs. She said she's wondering if they're trying to get her to throw them out of her life.
Howard said it's people who are close and they want to keep throwing their stupidity in your face. He said they're convinced they're right. He said it's just wild. Robin said she doesn't discuss her feelings with them unless they bring it up. She said they constantly insert it where it wasn't even mentioned.
Howard said these people just can't help it when they bring it up. Howard said it's anti science and it's just so dumb. He said that they don't believe the government and they think they know better than scientists and the CDC. He said it's endlessly stupid. He said the caller isn't alone. He said it's really weird. He said it never fails.
The caller said this is a real thing losing friends over it. Howard said it's even casual friends on social media. He said they unfriend people when they see the lunacy.
Howard said Jason was mocking Ted Cruz about leaving Texas during the crisis with a photo of Governor Christie and Tan Mom thought that he had posted a picture of himself and told him he was looking well.
Howard and Tan Mom were going back and forth trying to talk but Tan Mom thought something was wrong with her phone. Howard said he can hear her but can she hear him. She said she can so Howard asked if he can hear her.
Howard said her job interview went terrible. Tan Mom said it really was terrible. Howard asked what happened there. Tan Mom said she gets very intimidated when she's talking to people. She said that comes from her childhood. Howard said that he wants to give her another chance. He said hell ash her the same question that the interviewer asked and see if she has learned from that.
Howard asked Tan Mom how she would handle workplace conflict. Tan Mom said that she would fire the person.
Howard asked Tan Mom the musical instrument question again. Tan Mom said she would still be a piano but she would sing. Robin said you don't sing if you're a piano. Howard said she's interrupting an interview. Howard asked Tan Mom about the instrument thing again but her phone started to get muffled so he let her go a short time later. Howard said they all love Tan Mom and that was fascinating. he said he feels like he could get any job after hearing that.
Howard said how about that Tan Mom song. Robin said she listened to the whole thing because it was great listening to that. Howard said it was very catchy. He said if you can't say Ariana Grande they just say it the Tan Mom way. He played the song again.
Howard said if that doesn't go to the top of the charts he doesn't know what will. He said they had so many more reports but they have run out of time. He said they'll get to Sal and his Medicated Pete's mom update on the next show. He said that there's always another show. He said that song was just fantastic. He said Memet looked out his window and the woman was dancing naked to that.
Howard said one example is Jeff the Drunk doing a duet with Carley Simon on the show. Howard played some of that performance.
Howard said they'll also be playing the time High Pitch Erik met Donnie Wahlberg in the studio. He played a little bit of that.
Howard said they give you little bits of information about those shows. He said that part of the special they have one Wack Packer who all of the stars want to meet. He said that's Beetlejuice of course. He said Beetlejuice is never excited to meet them. He said this is just a little taste of that. He had a clip of Beetlejuice meeting Gilbert Gottfried and Beetlejuice couldn't have cared less. He played some of that moment when Beetlejuice kept saying ''Goo' of' you'' over and over. Howard said Beetlejuice hated Gilbert.
Howard said he thought for sure that Beetlejuice would have been excited to meet John Stamos. He said Beetlejuice actually walked out of the studio when he came in. John asked for a hug and Beetlejuice walked right out.
Howard said he walked right out and said ''fuck this guy.'' Howard said Beetlejuice takes shit from no one. He said it's weird because he has a small head and he keeps big stars from getting a big head. He said he did hit it off with Snoop Dogg though. He said that they recently recorded the smash hit ''Beetle in the House'' so that went very well. He played some of that song.
Howard said Snoop is a genius. He said the image of Beetlejuice going behind the shed is something. He said Snoop is his favorite rapper. He said that he talks about taking him behind the shed and pulling his little drawers down. He said he told Snoop he's a genius. He said some guys can do it in one take and Snoop said it was his life long dream to sing about Beet's balls. Howard said this special is something. He said it's going to be great.
Howard said this is a moment that Robin won't remember. He said that Snoop tried to rap with Fruity Nutcake the Rappin' Granny. He said Snoop had a tough time grooving with her. Howard played a clip from that segment on the show. Granny was going on and on with her rap and Snoop wasn't able to get a word in.
Howard said Granny was a mic hog and she didn't let Snoop get a word in. Howard said rest in peace Rappin' Granny. He said she died in 2015 at the age of 92.
Howard said this is one last moment he has to play. He said that Jimmy Kimmel would throw parties for him and he'd talk about it on the air. He said Jimmy came on the show and he wanted to throw a party for him. He said Tan Mom was the guest of honor that day. He said she came in and said that she wasn't a fan of Jimmy Kimmel. He played a clip of Tan Mom going off on Jimmy. She said she doesn't think he's funny.
Howard said that you'll hear things that you won't remember on this special. He said it's WackTastic. He said he'll be hosting the show. He said he put a lot of man hours into it. He said if you don't listen you can't listen to them anymore. He said you can hear those moments and more next week on Howard 101. Howard said they look forward to that. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:35am.