For the week of 10/04/2021 to 10/08/2021

• Missing Coffee, David Lee Roth's Retirement And More. 10/04/21. 7:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: An announcement about Jake Gyllenhaal being on the show today.

  Howard started the show talking about how he wasn't sure if he was on the air. He said maybe he was on when he wasn't talking. He was being told he was talking to himself. He said he started the show like a minute ago. He said that's okay because it wasn't anything that good. He asked what happened to Robin. Robin said she had some noise on the other setup and she had to figure out what to plug into what. Howard said you have to go ''Testing, testing... ONE TWO.'' Robin said she got rid of whatever it was. She said she had to change connections and figured it out. She said she was told to switch to the other set up like she knew how to do it.

  Howard said he's pretty sure if his dad wasn't his dad he'd never be friends with him. He said he's basing that on the tape of his dad testing for proper modulation. He played that drop and said he's pretty sure if he was in broadcasting and heard that guy he's not going to be friends with him. Howard had Robin turn off her microphone to try and find a hum. He said no one can hear it anyway so who cares.

  Howard said that hum is annoying. He said every time he talks it goes away. He said they should end the show now. Robin said she's not sure what else to do. Howard said now it sounds good. Robin said she didn't do anything. Howard said it's whenever she talks. Robin said she'll stop and go home. Howard said he just has to ignore it.

  Howard said he needs coffee and misses it so much. He said he hadn't been drinking it that much but that jolt of caffeine got him going in the morning. He said he was ready to broadcast when he'd drink that stuff. Robin said he'd gulp it down and get a full blast of it. Howard said it was black coffee with nothing in it. He said he was shot out of a cannon with that Dunkin Donuts coffee. He said he had a giant cup he'd drink. He said it was the size of a swimming pool. Robin said it was huge.

  Howard said he loved it. He said he'd get on the air and feel like a young man. He said he wanted to get on the air. He said the doctor told him maybe he could drink it or maybe not. He said he just stopped drinking it. He said no alcohol, no coffee, no chocolate.

  Robin asked if she saw that David Lee Roth decided to retire. Howard said he's upset about that. He said David spoke to a reporter and he has some of the audio of that. He said David is one of the greatest front men that ever lived. He said he loves David and Sammy Hagar. He said he thinks that David was the ultimate showman. He said Sammy was more relateable because he was more of a musician. He said that he never saw David with Van Halen live but he felt like he was unrelateable to him. He said you see Sammy on stage and you can relate to him. He said you know you can't be David Lee Roth.

  Howard said when he was in Detroit on WWWW, which had the shittiest call letters, he was on the same floor as Van Halen when they were in town at a hotel. He said that they were the original Van Halen at the time. He said girls were lined up for them. He said the girls would line up for the band wearing those stockings with the seam going up the back of the leg like David sang about in the song. He said that he was pulling into this station and girls were just lined up for the band. He said the night before they were up there banging on his door thinking he had something to do with the band. He said he was just the morning man at W4. He said the girls had never even heard of the station. He said you should have seen what was going on in those hotel rooms. He said David looked like a god. He said it was such a strong image. He said the guys looked like they were having the time of their lives. He said it seemed unreal to him. He said they weren't relateable though.

  Howard said David gave this interview saying he's retiring. He said he's not sure if he's pulling a Who kind of situation and coming out of retirement but he says he's doing 5 shows in Vegas and that's it. He said he thinks the shows aren't selling out. He said that he felt bad for the dude. He said he read somewhere that he was opening for KISS and Gene Simmons fired him from the tour saying he didn't sing good enough for a KISS tour. He said that's not cool. He said he's not sure what that is. He said David is pissed at him for something and he's not sure what he did to him. He said David has it in for him and hates him. He said he's a David Lee Roth fan though. He said his morning show failed and he had wished him luck with it when he started. He said he didn't wish him any harm. He said he's not sure what the bug up his ass is but he's not the only one. Howard said he invited the guy on the show a few times to figure out what was wrong but he's not sure why he won't come on. He said he hung out with David out there in the Hamptons once. He said they had a nice night. He said he's not sure what it is. He said he's a sweet man.

  JD said he thinks something is going on with David and this isn't a Who kind of thing. He said David recorded his side of the conversation and whatever it is doesn't sound great. Howard said he heard that Gene Simmons said he kicked him off the tour for not singing well. He said this is a guy who wears clown makeup. He said he thinks that Gene sings some songs. He said he never got into KISS. He said he thought it was a goof.

  Sal said Gene sings at least 5 or 6 songs in concert. He said he sings God of Thunder and Rock and Roll All Night. Howard said for some reason Gene was giving David shit. He said he's not sure what was going on there.

  Howard said Gene compared David to a bloated Elvis laying on the bathroom floor. He said he later apologized. He said he loves David. He said he announced he's retiring and he read about it and found the audio.

  Howard said that this is from the Las Vegas Review Journal. He read some of David's comments about why he's retiring. He said he thought that it was to sell tickets but maybe not. He said that Van Halen died with Eddie Van Halen. He said Eddie was always Eddie. He said without him you don't have Van Halen. He said he's the star of that band.

  Howard read what David said about throwing in ''the shoes'' and why he's doing it. David said he's figuring that his time might be short on this planet. Howard said that made his heart sink. He said he thought he was younger than him. He said they might be the same age. He said it's freaky when you get up into that age range. He said you're talking about not being here anymore. He said David is going to be 67 this year. He said he thought he was his age.

  Howard said David is doing shows in Las Vegas and might not be selling shows out. He said that's too bad. He said he feels bad for the guy. He read more about what David said and he was talking about how he'll miss y'all so stay frosty. Robin said it sounded like he was saying that being on stage is cutting his time short.

  Howard had audio to play and JD told him he has clearer audio. Howard played the clip of David talking about his retirement. He was talking about Eddie passing and how he might not have a lot of time left himself. He said his doctors and handlers compelled him to address that every time he goes on stage he endangers that future. He said he has 5 more shows to do and they're doing it like he and Ed used to do. He said this is classic in your face Van Halen and that's it. He said it's been an amazing run and he has nothing bad to say about anyone.

  Howard said it sounds like some health issues and here might be a lot going on there. He said it sounds like he's doing shows with Alex Van Halen. Howard said that kind of leveled him hearing that. He said that he's throwing in the shoes. He said he gets depressed. He said that he was saddened by that. Robin said she was shocked too. She said she didn't see that coming. Howard said that he might be sick of the shit like Gene Simmons talking about his singing and stuff like that. Robin said that shouldn't have happened. Howard had Gene's apology for his comments. He said maybe David was having some vocal trouble. He said he doesn't have to fuck with David.

  Howard said David might just be figuring out how many years he has left. He said that Bruce Springsteen and John Mellencamp released a song about how many summers they may have left. He said that's depressing stuff. He said that you don't know how many years you have left when you get up there in age. Howard played the song Springsteen and Mellencamp released called ''Wasted Days.'' Howard said he was talking to someone about how you don't annunciate all the words and he was right. He said all of these guys do that. He played more of the song and got bummed out by it.

  Howard said he got sad with the David Lee Roth news. He said he's no sure why David has beef with him but it's kind of cool to think he thinks about him enough to hate him. Robin said he could affect him in some way so it might mean something. Howard said people are afraid to tell him why he's their enemy. He said David never explained it to him. He said he knows he took his job on some of the stations when he left K-Rock. He said maybe in some way he blames him for not succeeding. He said maybe he blames him. Robin said maybe the fans got to him. Howard said the people on the internet can start a fight in 2 seconds. He said maybe they did that.

  Howard said he did reference David's show once in a while. He said he goofed on some of the stuff he did. He said he was told he brought in palm trees to the studio and things like that. He said maybe that was it.

• Howard And Beth's Anniversary. 10/04/21. 7:30am
  Howard said his anniversary was this weekend. He said he was so busy. He asked Robin how long he's been married. Robin said it was in October. Howard said she didn't even wish him a happy anniversary. Robin said she thinks it's been 12 years. Howard said it's 13. He said she was close. He said he's been with Beth for 21 years. He said they had their anniversary and they had bang o'clock. He said that was the day before though. He said that he was told he could have it that day or the next day but not both. He said he took it when he could get it.

  Howard said Beth wants him to finish this painting he's working on and he doesn't have enough time. He said that he's taking his time with this thing he's working on. He said that most people his age are retired and they can paint all day and all night. He said a lot of people take that up as a hobby. He said they can paint day and night and they're getting better than him. He said he's very competitive. He said he wants to be the best. He said these people are getting better than him. He said that they have retired and they've booked out. He said they paint full time.

  Howard said he gets maybe 2 or 3 days to paint and just a couple of hours. He said life gets in the way. He said he's not painting that much. He said Beth tells him to finish this thing. He said she has to sit there and watch him paint to make sure he's working on it. He said he tells her that he'd be lost without her. He said he went for a walk the other day and he doesn't know how to get back home. He said they walk the same way every day and she wonders what he'd do without her. He said he doesn't know. He said it's crazy. He said he can't do anything without her. Robin said he's very dependant. Howard said he is very upset with himself. He said that he doesn't like this. He said he has to be a man at some point instead of a child. Robin said he might only have minutes left according to that Mellencamp song.

  Howard said he doesn't think he's ever going to be normal. Robin said she's not sure what normal is. She said she doesn't think anyone is normal. Howard said they get the advance on Bachelor in Paradise. He said that show is crazy.

  Robin asked if he does anything for Beth. Howard said he got her a nice gift that's personal and it's something she loves. He said that he does a lot for her. Howard said Beth wants to see Bachelor in Paradise so that's what they watch together. He said it's a 3 hour finale situation. He said they watched the show and broke it up into 2 segments. He said they finished after dinner. He said the finale is a tear jerker. He said it was a great day. He said he loved it.

  Howard said after 21 years together he still loves being with her. He said he still gets butterflies in his stomach with her. He said that's what everyone should have. He said he had to remind her that it was their anniversary. He said it's usually the other way around. He said that she didn't even get him a card. He said she's like the dude in the relationship.

  Howard said this ring Beth has is still fucking him up. He said it's this ring that Jimmy Kimmel got for them. He said it measures your sleep and exercise. He said then it emails you if you're sitting on your ass too long. He said he knows he sits on his ass too long. He said that they went on their walk at 8am and Beth had already walked 1.8 miles in the house. He said that she did that just vacuuming and taking care of the cats. He said then the ring tells you to move around a bit. He said that ring would be hounding him if he was wearing it. He said he can't use it.

  Howard said Beth had already done 5.3 miles by the time they did their walk. He said this was at 10 in the morning. He said then she gets on the Hydrow. He said she did 8.1 miles that day. He said she wasn't like that before the ring. He said now she sees she's at 6 miles and she panics.

  Robin said even if she has done 5 miles by 8 or 9 in the morning the thing is going to tell her to move around. Howard said he put the ring on for a minute and the thing called him Fatso.

• Hustlers And Social Media. 10/04/21. 7:45am
  Howard said that he goes online and watches people playing chess. He said lately there are really hot white chicks showing up in the park where the guys play chess. He said that they're hot and they're showing off their bodies. He said they pretend they don't know anything about chess. He said they play the old black guys in chess and they ask questions like they don't know how to play. He said the old guys are trying to make a couple of bucks. He said they tell them how to play and the girls are just scamming them. He said that this woman is like a master. He said that by the end of the game the old guys are check mated and then the girl reveals that she's not a regular player. He said it seems kind of racist in a way. Robin said if the guy is out there hustling people then he can get hustled.

  Howard said they're not doing anything but trying to make a few bucks. Robin said they're hustling just like the girls are. Howard asked what the white girl's agenda is. Robin said they're both hustlers. She said if men want to get sucked in by boobs then this is what's going to happen. She said that women aren't these precious little things. He said boobs get you all hot and bothered and this is what happens to you. She said there are old men who see some boobs and lose all their money. Howard said he didn't know that.

  Howard said he doesn't like it because it's at the expense of other people. Robin said everything is at the expense of other people.

  Howard said he hasn't been going on social media because he hates reading about what people say about him. He said that Beth has an account so she can show the cats she's trying to adopt. He said that she's only on there for that. He said Beth comes running up to him and tells him what people wrote. He said he doesn't want to know but she tells him what they say to her. He said she told him about posting about this cat Etta Jane that they have. He said she asked what could be better than her. He said people are being very sweet and then this guy writes to her that ''the fact that we all know that she's banging other dudes and Hampton's Howie can't figure it out.'' Howard said they go to his account and see he has kids and a wife and all of that. Howard said this guy is spending his time doing that when he has a family. He said the ''Hampton's Howie'' comment is supposed to insult him somehow.

  Howard said it's kind of cool that people can be jealous of him. He said they think he has it made by calling him Hamptons Howie. He said that they think everything was just handed to him. He said that his early days were very bleak. He said he drove a Valiant.

  Howard said this guy tells Beth that she's banging other dudes and then Beth's followers were going after him. He said that she's just trying to save some cats and that's it. He said that's her whole fucking agenda. Howard said he got slammed so bad he may have taken down his account. He said that was it. He said this guy's account was @HRH_Chris_Joseph

  Howard said he told Beth that he doesn't think she's banging other dudes because she'd have to do it in a way that would be like magic. He said that guy seemed like a decent guy when you see his posts before that. He read some of the guy's information and he has a dog and he looks like a nice guy. He said he's not sure where this stuff comes from. Robin said he just had to be that asshole. Howard said this guy believes in god but he tells Beth that she's banging other dudes. Robin said people say incongruous things and contradict themselves in the same sentence.

• Sports Talk With Gary. 10/04/21. 7:55am
  Howard said Gary told him that the Yankees are in the playoffs. He said they made it in by the skin of their teeth. He said that they get a one time thing with the Boston Red Sox. He said it's a do or die thing. He said he really has no idea about sports though so he's not sure how all of that works.

  Robin said she was watching football and the Buccaneers were playing the Patriots and that was the first time Tom Brady had gone back to the Patriots stadium. Robin said she didn't see the whole game though. She said that she had to go to sleep. Howard said a real man would have stayed awake. Gary said Brady won but it was very close. He said that they won 19-17 or something.

  Howard said Gary told him that the Jets and Giants won too. Gary went through all of that with Howard. Howard said fuck those teams. He said they win a game and then you think they're going to turn around but then they lose. He said you get false hope.

  Howard said he's shocked that a New York team can't pull it together. He said they have so much money. Gary said it's ownership. Robin said she was really enjoying the game last night but she doesn't care about the Jets and Giants. She said she might become a Tampa Bay fan. Howard said you can't do that. He said she's jumping on the bandwagon. He said you sit there with the Jets and Giants.

  Howard asked if Robin is wearing something for Jake today. He said she's showing her bare shoulders. Robin said she was thinking about how he said he hopes to be married some day. Howard said he wishes her luck and hopes he falls for it. He said he's never seen her dressed for a guest like that before.

  Howard said he was reading up on Jake and he has some good looking girlfriend. He said with Robin's shirt she may have a shot. He said she could turn his head. Robin asked if she should just throw in the shoes. Howard said he ain't marred yet so don't give up.

  Howard said Jake is dating a French model and she's some good looking girl. He said Jake went to the Tony's with his new girlfriend. He said that's how he found out about her. He said he Googled her. He said that they were dressed alike. Robin said it might be over then if that's what they're doing.

  Howard said he's a good looking dude. He said he was watching movie on Netflix. He said that they were watching it and he asked if Beth thinks he's good looking and she was like ''Oh yeah!'' right away. He asked how she can be into him and into Jake. He said they have nothing similar. Howard said the movie is called The Guilty. Robin said it's mostly Jake in that movie.

  Howard said one of the voices in the movie was Riley Keough. He said that she was in that show he really liked called ''The Girlfriend Experience.'' He said that show was so good. He said she was so hot.

  Howard said he was busy with TV over the weekend. He said one of the movies Jake was in was Spider-Man Homecoming. He said he was Mysterio. He said he has so many streaming services. He said he figured he had it for free somewhere. He said he was searching for it and someone said it was on Hulu. He said it said on there that he didn't have the right Hulu. He said he thought he had what he needed. He said they want you to pay $60 a month for this service to get that. Robin said he could have just rented it. Howard said he got pissed and gave up.

  Howard said you need Hulu with live TV to watch Spider-Man. He said he didn't have that so he didn't get to see it. He said he has to ask him about that movie though. Robin said she liked the movie Code Source that he was in. She said she thinks that's what it was called. Howard said he thought she said Cold Sores. Robin said he was great in that. She said it was a very complicated plot but she loved that movie.

  Howard said Jake started acting in high school. He said he played Tevia in Fiddler on the Roof. He said he may have to act that out with him. He sang some of the songs from that play.

  Robin said she also watched the Sopranos prequel. Robin said she liked it. Howard said he liked it but he was trying to figure out who was who in the movie. Robin said she was doing that too. She said some of them were Tony's guys and they were older than Tony. She said that Big Pussy was a lot older. Robin said she could tell that David Chase took the reins and did his thing.

  Howard did some live commercial reads and took a break.

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• Music And TV Discussions. 10/04/21. 8:15am
  After the break they played Dead or Alive's ''You Spin Me Round'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and sang along with Dead or Alive. He said he used to like the song but he doesn't think he likes it now. Robin said it must have been a bad year for him. Howard asked what else they have. He said Pete Burns died in 2016. He said that they must not be listening to him. They played Smashing Pumpkins instead.

  Howard said he missed Saturday Night Live over the weekend. He said he watched some clips on YouTube. He said they did the opening thing with a guy doing a Biden impression. He said he saw Casey Musgraves was the musical guest. He said they said she did her performance naked so he checked that out. He said she was in low lighting and the guitar was blocking her vagine and titties. He said she was sitting there very sexy. He said that he had a feeling she was wearing a bathing suit or something. He said she had to have something on. Robin said she missed that. Howard said he's not sure what song that was but they said it was a scene inspired by Forest Gump. He said that he didn't remember that in the movie. Robin said she didn't think of that movie when she saw that. She said she read about it.

  Robin said that it was Robin Wright's character in the movie that wanted to be a singer. Howard said Robin Wright was so hot. He said that she's still hot. Robin said they had no idea that she was referring to that movie. Howard said he used to flirt with nudity in his career. He said he was nude on the cover of Private Parts. He said that he had his hands over his peen. He said he didn't need a guitar to cover that thing. He said he remembers shooting that cover. He said he didn't need girls seeing that he had nothing under his hands.

  Howard said he was proud of the shape he was in back then. He said he just needed a thumb to cover his cock. He said he was a douche thinking he was sexy back then. He said maybe he was a little bit.

  Howard said you have to not work to be in good shape. He said just look at the people on Bachelor in Paradise. He said this one guy walks around showing off his cock the whole time on that show. He said that his cock and balls are in your face. He said they're all in bathing suits other than this guy. He said the guy is 40 and he's got his cock and balls out. He said the guy doesn't have a job but if he does he's not putting any effort into it. He said last year they had a guy on the show who lived in a van. He said this girl fell in love with him and said she'd live in the van with him. He said being good looking has its advantages. He said this one guy this year won't put his fucking clothes on. He said no one will tell him. He said the guy is all tattooed up and you had better have a job that allows that. He said he can't imagine what he's doing that he can be tattooed and have his cock and balls out. He said there's a girl fighting with other girls on the show to get that guy. He said they say he's a boy band manager. He said the girls are falling for all of that.

  Howard said he couldn't believe this guy was walking around naked. He said even if he had a big cock he's not sure he would be walking around like that. He said he would have shown it to Robin over the years if she had asked to see it. He said he would have let her touch it too. He said if it was big he'd let her play with it. He said he'd let her manipulate it. He said if he had a big cock he'd keep it quiet and maybe once in a while he'd show it. Robin said it is crazy that no one says anything. She said if the girls were walking around like that they'd tell her to cover up.

  Howard said he knows how that all ends. He said that he won't ruin it for Robin. Robin said there's a podcast called ''For the Right Reasons'' about the show. Howard said he might have to check that out.

• Shatner In Space And More. 10/04/21. 8:30am
  Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said he misses him. He asked if Robin has any moisture left in her vagina after thinking about Jake all weekend. Howard asked what kind of question that is. He asked if there is any moisture left. Robin said she's ever ready. Howard hung up on Mike.

  Howard said that William Shatner is going to go into space. He said he's 90 years old. Howard said TMZ says that he'll go up in Jeff Bezos' Blue Origin in November. He said that he finds that hard to believe. Robin said he must have to go now. Howard said he's not in any shape to go up there. He said he ash to pish every 10 minutes. Robin said they might have something you can go in. She said you can't have liquid floating around in zero gravity.

  Fun George Takei knocked on the door and came on to talk about Shatner going into space. George was talking about what an awful person Shatner is and how he's probably doing this just to sell more autographs. Howard asked if George thinks he should be the one going into space. Fun George said that he'd be willing to go on that journey. He rang his bell and asked where his telescope is. Howard said that's what's going on.

  Howard took a call from a woman who said she heard about Shatner going into space and she wants to see his toupee floating around in space. Fun George said it would look like a squirrel floating in space. Howard said he's not sure this feud is ever going it end between George and Bill. Fun George said Bachelor in Paradise sounds wonderful. He wanted to book a flight there to see the men with their dongs hanging out.

  Howard said Bill Shatner has a new album out called ''Bill.'' He said it's more spoken music. He played one of the songs where Bill sings about seeing the Apollo moon mission.

  Fun George said that he has an album out too. He told Howard about some of the songs that he has and made up a song. Howard said George and Bill will be at Comic-Con this year in New York. He said that Bill charges $20 more per autograph than George does. Fun George rang his bill and told him to et his autographs ready to go.

  Howard said he has a bunch of other stuff there. Robin said she was thinking about going to space and how unappealing that was to her. She said now they have this company that's making huge balloons that can float you up to space and it takes 12 hours to get up there. She said you're in first class accommodations the whole time. She said that sounds more accommodating to her. Howard said it sounds like the Hindenburg. He said Robin isn't doing any of that. He said he's not sure when they're ever going to get out again. He said he can't figure out what's going on. Robin said this new Merck pill might help. Howard said Dr. Fauci says that people may not be able to get together around Christmas. Howard said that people are getting sick even after being vaccinated. Robin said some people are just asymptomatic. Howard said if these idiots would just get vaccinated we'd be fine. Robin said now teachers in New York can't go to work without being vaccinated. Robin said one airline has made all employees get vaccinated.

  Howard said he was getting upset about the women in Texas not being able to get abortions. He said we have to have an election where there is no electoral college. He said they have to get rid of that. He said if guys could get pregnant they'd have abortion clinics on every corner.

  Howard said it's crazy what's going on. Robin said that women will never have rights as long as we have this patriarchal society. Howard said if dudes got pregnant you'd be able to get an abortion at 7-Eleven. He said that guys would be freaking out.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Robin looked so nice in a photo he saw of her recently. Howard said she looks good all decked out for Jake today. The caller asked how many times Howard has tapped into that. Howard jokingly said many times. He said you don't tap into a woman like that.

• Greta Thunberg, Calls And More. 10/04/21. 8:45am
  Howard said the climate activist Greta Thunberg made a speech and she has a new catch phrase of ''Blah, blah, blah.'' He played a clip of her making a speech.

  Howard asked how old she is now. Robin said she must be 17 or 18. Howard said she's 18. He said they hire her to speak and she just yells at people. Robin said she's so right though. She said ''Blah, blah, blah'' is all we hear. Howard said he likes that new catch phrase. They played it a bunch.

  Howard wondered if Greta is dating. He said she sounds like she'd really put him in his place. Fred kept playing the ''Blah, blah, blah'' while Howard was asking her questions. Howard said she definitely wouldn't be dating the naked Bachelor. He said it's crazy.

  Howard took a call from Apples who said that he has to give much love to Robin for asking the great question with Mick Jagger. He asked Robin if she'd bring him to Ronnie's wedding. Howard asked if she'd do that. Robin said she might get banned from the wedding. Howard said that's a brilliant idea. He said the whole wedding would be ruined. He said he was thinking about it and he's not sure why Ronnie gets so bent out of shape with Apples. Robin said Ronnie feels that he's a stalker. Howard said Apples is not a stalker. He said he just comments on what he posts online. He said don't put it up if you don't want people commenting. Robin said Ronnie gets upset with the stuff about Stephanie. Howard said tell her not to put it up then.

  Howard got Ronnie on and Ronnie said that if he was doing the same thing to him he'd be upset too. He said Apples is the same as the guy who was giving Beth a hard time. He said Apples is an asshole. Apples said that he does the same thing what Beth and watches her stuff. He said he appreciates Howard's art and all of that. Ronnie said he's a fucking asshole. He said Howard only brings him on to bust his balls. Howard said no he doesn't. Ronnie said that he just did that with the Robin bringing him to the wedding thing. Howard said Ronnie would have to learn to love Apples. Apples said that he might marry Robin and he'd be around all the time. Ronnie said no one would marry him. Apples said that he's been married twice. Howard asked if they ran off on him. Apples said that one of his wives went Lesbian. Ronnie laughed. He said he wasn't able to satisfy her so she had to leave. Apples asked if he's going to get a pre-nup. Ronnie told him not to worry about him. He said he's dog shit under his shoe. Apples said if he had met him before all of this stuff he wouldn't be like that. Ronnie said just his voice makes him want to shit and throw up at the same time.

  Howard said he knows Stephanie loves him but he has to be careful with his money. He said he might need to get a pre-nup. He said he may have talked to him about this in the car. He said that he may have his shit together on that. He said he's protective of Ronnie so he did have that conversation. He said he gave him a good talking to. He said Ronnie knew what to do. He said he's no one's fool.

  Apples asked if they went to a NASCAR school or something together. Howard said forget it. He said Ronnie doesn't like him. He said if he marries Robin then maybe he'd be in. Ronnie said he'd lose Robin's number if she did that. He said she'd be really upset if she married him. Apples said that she'd be very satisfied. Howard said he thinks he has to get Robin to marry Apples just to bring him to Ronnie's wedding. Howard asked if Ronnie has ever seen him. Ronnie said he has and he looks like a fucking hillbilly. He said that he wears jeans up to his belly button.

  Howard said he ash to go to talk to Jake Gyllenhaal. Ronnie said the movie was very different. He said it was good. Apples said they didn't even have different locations for it. Howard said they shot it in 16 days. He said he has to take a break and get to Jake.

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• Jake Gyllenhaal Visits. 10/04/21. 9:00am
  After the break they played a drinking tip from Richard Christy bit, a phony phone call to a flower shop using clips of Gary from his ''take me back'' video, a Jon Hein fast food song parody, a Howard Stern Show song, a phony phone call Richard made to an internet sports radio show using clips of his dad and a song that I didn't get.

  Howard came back and said he has Jake Gyllenhaal sitting in with him today. Howard asked where he's been. Jake said it's been about 5 years now. He said he wants to visit him in person. He said he forced him to call from his bedroom. Howard said he can't figure it out. He said he sees he's out working. He said he saw that he's going to be working with Jessica Chastain. He asked if he's met her. Jake said that he has known her for a long time.

  Howard asked what you do when another actor isn't that good. Jake said maybe he means ''not present.'' He said sometimes the plan they have coming in isn't that smart. He said that he just rolls with everything. He said you just go with the mistakes. He said if someone is awkward then you just roll with it. Howard said this is his career they're talking about. He asked if he would go to a director and complain. Jake said that's a power you have in movies. He said on stage it's different. He said you can cut around things in a movie. He said when you have that one moment you can play in that space. He said if the director is skilled enough they can work with it. He said he's been in that situation. He said sometimes someone might freeze up and you have to just work with them and loosen them up. He said some people come in with a plan and you have to work them out of it.

  Howard said he's thinking back to working in Private Parts and he was thinking about a scene he did. Jake said that movie was so good. Howard said thanks but there was a scene they did that never worked so they had to cut it out. Jake said they had a scene with Brando that Coppola was able to edit to work. He said there's always something working. He said you just have to find the solution.

  Howard said a good editor is worth a million bucks. Jake said that a good cinematographer and director too.

  Howard said he's thinking about Brando and how he'd show up not knowing his lines so he'd have them written down or have someone reading them to him. He asked Jake if that pisses him off. He said it's disrespectful to the other actors. Jake said everyone has their own way. He said he struggles with lines. He said he struggles with lines they need in a movie and he'll ask for them to be posted on a wall or something. He said you have to get through a day.

  Howard said Jake never went to an acting school or anything. He said he just went into it. Jake said yeah. He said it just sort of came to him easily. He said he remembers the feeling on stage and how he felt natural up there. He said it might be a sign of mental illness. Howard said it's crazy that he felt like that.

  Jake said he played the scarecrow in Wizard of Oz when he was like 8 or 9 years old. Howard asked when he did Fiddler on the Roof. Jake said he never did it. He said he was supposed to but he did a movie instead. He said that's a big regret in his life that he didn't get to play Tevia.

  Howard said he would have had such a great time in high school if he could have been that comfortable on stage. He said that it was quite eye opening to him when he was getting work and working 16 hours a day.

  Howard said he can't imagine being 15 years old and it comes down to you performing well. He said at 15 he was jerking off to Gilligan's Island. Jake said that was still happening.

  Howard asked what the story was about him being told he had to be a better listener when he was doing his thing in that movie. Jake said they can cut around your bad shit and make it work. He said you want to get into a role and really act. He said he was doing it and yelling and screaming and Chris told him that he had to be a better listener. He said he was just yelling and screaming at him. He said he had to listen to Chris and he took that and made it so he wasn't acting. He said as Chris talked it pissed him off and he was riding the big wave. He said it was the best advice he ever got from an actor.

  Howard said he did a scene where he did a pratfall and Betty Thomas told him physical comedy wasn't for him. He said he was embarrassed by the fall. He said you have to go for it but if you get self conscious you get to be a wooden board. Jake said he doesn't think any of that is wrong. He said he doesn't think that you're doing anything that bad. He said just let it out. He said he does scenes where he thinks that it sucks and it's just wooden but they tell you on the other side of the monitor that it was amazing. He said you just roll with it.

  Howard asked if they're saying it to him because of who he is or is it real. Jake said that they might be doing it because of who he is. He said a good director will tell you the real thing. He said he sees himself as a team captain. He said he will find out what the truth is.

  Howard said a shitty director might not catch shitty performances. Jake said that would be a shitty director. Howard asked who is a great director. Jake said he's worked with a lot of great ones. Howard asked who blew him away and he knew that they were great. Jake said he's been in frustrating relationships and the movie turns out great. He said that you just have to do what you do. He said he loved working with Sam Mendez on Jarhead. He said that was what he needed at the time. He said he had to shave his head for that movie. He said he loved working with Antoine Fuqua too. He said he doesn't think he'd worked with any shitty directors. He said there have been shitty times on set but he doesn't think he'd had a shitty director.

  Howard asked Jake about playing Mysterio and if he had to go in front of the whole Marvel group to ask if he can have a beard for the character. Jake said the length of it was something he had to work with. He said that they did want the beard but they were very in control over the length of it. He said there was an ease in those movies. He said they just go with it.

  Howard said Jake is very good in his movies. He said he sometimes wonders if he's happy. He said he probably wants to be in Spider-Man because he can get a whole new audience. He said he got to do a lot in that movie but it's a lot of green screen time. He said he imagines that it wasn't challenging to him. He said he's not sure how he really feels. Jake said that acting is very hard. He said it's not just physical. He said that world is very large and he joined it when it was already a train moving. He said he usually comes in early on but in that he came in late. He said you have to deliver. He said they move with ideas and it's really creative. He said if someone has a better idea they'll change and entire day around that idea. He said he loved it. He said the first day of shooting he remembers Tom Holland and Sam Jackson on set. He said there was someone else in that scene and he remembers not being able to remember his lines. He said he was the wooden board there. He said he was asking Tom to help him out. He said Tom told him to just relax and it was all good. He said he finally did but he loves that world and he wanted to do a good job.

  Howard said he never wanted to go to a good radio station. He said he went to places that were failing. He said he didn't want to take over high ratings. He said he didn't want to take them down. He wanted to bring them up.

  Howard said Jake must have been horrified not being able to remember his lines. He asked if he ever works on a couple of things at the same time and mixes up lines. Jake said he has. He said he had to do a play and it took hundreds of times to feel at ease on stage.

  Howard said this new movie he did called ''The guilty'' must have been tough to do. He asked if he had to block everyone out of his life to get into that. He said he had to remember all of those lines in the movie. He said he imagines that could fuck his life up. Jake said that he was thinking about what Howard was saying about him and radio. He said he went after honest things. He said he wants that whenever he's working. He said that he has to give himself a wide berth and he has to set aside time to chip away at a script. He said he'll do things that allow him to have that space. He said David Lynch said you have to give yourself that time. He said that everyone in his family was a huge support during that time. He said it's a selfish thing. Howard said he has to do that with the radio show. He said he can't stop thinking about what he has to do to get to the next place. He said early on that fucked up every relationship he had. He said you can't be half in. He said you have to be all in.

  Jake said you do and a lot of that focus is on your career. He said that's taken him a long time to understand. He said he's very ambitious and they're all focused in their family. He said this pandemic has made him realize what he has put aside in his life.

  Howard asked if he thinks that he can't be a father because of the focus on his career. Jake said that he thinks he'd be a good husband and a father. He said that's what he wants and he has fulfilled a lot of things in his career. He said he doesn't think he could have said that before. He said he sees his sister and how the marriage and family has deepened her work. He said you either get more shallow or more deep and you have to incorporate those things into your life to have that. Jake said he has seen his sister raise two incredible girls and it's not just her but her husband too. He said it gives him hope for their future.

  Howard said the world seems so dangerous now and he's not sure what kind of world we're handing over to them. He said it makes him even more upset about things. Jake said his 15 year old niece is pretty fierce. He said it's in a beautiful way. He said she has eradicated single use plastics in their life and if she sees it then you're done.

  Howard said he was thinking about the Marvel universe and how great Robert Downey Jr. is. He said Jake worked with him on a movie before he got Iron Man and he had just gotten it at the time. He asked if he was shocked when he heard that he got Iron Man. He said no one was banking on him. Jake said he wasn't able to get insured on the movie they did together. He said Robert was driving himself to the movie set every day. He said David Fincher had to insure Robert himself he thinks.

  Howard asked if it's great to see him rise from the dust and become one of the biggest stars in show business. He said it must be amazing to witness. Jake said it shows you that you never know what's going to happen tomorrow. He said you don't know who you're talking to and who they could be tomorrow. He said you see all of this stuff in the business and you never know who you could do wrong and miss out on a part. Jake said that Robert has like 1000 choices when you do a scene with him. He said that's how good he is.

  Howard said he's thinking about Heath Ledger and Brokeback Mountain. He asked if he got close to him after he did the movie. Jake said he did become close to him. He said there are a lot of times when you're friends and you carry that work with you. He said it is your life when you do something like that. He said he and Heath were friends before and after. He said it was a crazy experience.

  Howard asked what happened with that movie. Jake said that you just don't know why it happens. He said it just hit at that time and it was the exact right time. Howard asked if he thinks that movie could be made now with two straight actors. Jake said he thinks about that and the answer is probably no. He said he looks at it now and how it paved an opportunity. He said for a year after that they were talking about what his sexuality was. He said that he had to ask everyone to chill out. He said just look at the movies he did after that and you'll see what he was trying to do.

  Howard asked if you do a role like that and they try to get him into a more macho role. Jake said no. He said that movie was a massive success. He said everyone got so much attention from it. He said it offered so many opportunities. He said that he was like 26 at the time and it was a while ago. He said he was still trying to figure out his identity. He said there was a lot going on.

  Howard asked if anyone told him not to take the role. Jake said people were asking him what he was doing. He said he just saw a beautiful story and he was working with Ang Lee. He said that's what he saw in it. He said he didn't think about the sexuality part of it. He said he had gay people in his life growing up. He said maybe he took it for granted. He said that everyone was talking about it and it just showed him the power of movie making.

  Howard said this new movie is great and he doesn't think that it would be made if Netflix wasn't around. He said he read that they shot this thing in 11 days. Jake said that's true. He said that the shortest one he had done before was like 28 days with Donnie Darko. He said that this one was 11 days. He said that he wanted to do it in 48 hours. He said he wanted to memorize it all and just shoot it all in two days. Howard said this movie is all Jake. Jake said he's sorry about that. Howard said the ending is great. He said he didn't see that coming. He said the woman on the phone is played by Riley Keough. He said he's in love with her. He asked if he ever saw her in The girlfriend Experience. Jake said oh yeah. He said he has to see her in Zola. He said he'll be done after seeing that.

  Howard said that Jake did a movie with Jennifer Aniston. He said it must have been torture for him. Jake said it was but it wasn't. He said that there were moments when he had to figure it out when he was in bed with her. Howard said he got boners in every scene he did with a woman. He said that he can imagine that it can be embarrassing. He said he must have had a conversation with her about his protrusion. Jake said he's not sure if he had that conversation with her. He said that sex scenes are very awkward and you have to do things choreographed and it's like a fight scene. He said that doesn't turn him on. He said he remembers a pillow being used but he doesn't think that he had that conversation. Howard said the pillow must have saved him then. He asked who taught him that. Jake said he thinks it was Jennifer's suggestion. He said that she might have suggested it before they began. He said he thinks that she said she was just going to put a pillow there.

  Howard said before the pandemic Jake was working on a play. Jake said they had just finished it when that hit. He said they were going to go to London to do a play over there and then the pandemic hit. He said around that time they shut down the theaters over there in London.

  Howard asked if his agent asks why he does plays when there's so much more money in movies. He asked if the play is more enjoyable. Jake said his agent knows that he's very joyous on stage. He said that you have to know your horse. He said he needs that as a playing ground and you want to have that. He said on a movie you don't have that energy coming at you like you do in a play. He said it wakes his whole body up. He said that's what you get. He said his agent knows that he craves that stuff. He said he fills up from that.

  Howard asked if he ever gets upset with someone in the theater eating or anything. Jake said that it's nice when someone does that. He said the other night his sister premiered her movie at a film festival and a woman sitting next to him had her phone go off. He said she picked it up on speaker. He said that he considered that kind of disruptive in the area. He said this woman was a doctor and she fell asleep right after she picked up. He said she did apologize. He said if you're on stage it's a great story to have. He said he wants to be able to talk about that stuff.

  Howard asked about going to the Tony Awards and if he was upset that he lost. Jake said he is a grown up and he tries to act like one. He said in that case he doesn't know. He said he does want to win. He said that he put a lot of work into that play. He said they got nominations for 4 Tony's. He said that he wasn't really upset. He said he knows the kid who won and he used to help him run lines. He said he was happy for him.

  Howard asked how he found this guy to run lines with him. Jake said his theater agent. Howard said this fucking kid beat him for the Tony. Jake said yeah he's great. Howard asked if he had a speech prepared. Jake said he had something in his mind but he wasn't that prepared. He said he threw his arms around Andrew when he went up. He said everyone has their time. Howard said he'd act like that too. He said he'd pretend he was happy for the guy. Jake said he has no reason to be pissed about it. He said that he doesn't know.

  Howard said he thinks that this girl is it for him He said he saw his girlfriend and this must be it. He said he will get married. He said he's really out there. He said he's in love with this girl. He said he must want to settle down with her. He said he'd do that if he were him. He said this is a quality woman if you ask him. He said he doesn't know her that well. Jake said that she is a quality woman. He said he loves her so much. He said that he doesn't think she enjoys all of the other stuff. He said he just adores her. He said it was great to have her there at the Tony's. He said his family is close and they all go out together. He said that his sister pulled her out on the red carpet and none of them are really into that. He said that she's like family.

  Howard said the key to getting to him is getting to his sister. He said it's over if you don't get the sister. Jake said he thinks it's that way with a lot of brothers. He said that you have a sibling and you have to get them before you can go on.

  Howard said he was dating a woman and his sister was shaking her head no. He said that he didn't want her doing that. Howard said he's saying Jake will be married in a year. He said he thinks they'll see some kids in 2 or 3 years. Jake said he can tell he's serious when he's grabbing the microphone.

  Howard said it seems like Jake is happy. He said this new movie ''The Guilty'' is out now. He said he gets to shine in this thing. He said he really does and he's a good actor. He said he must be pleased with it. Jake said they shot it in 11 days and there are things he'd like to change but he's very proud of it. He said they made it in October of 2020. He said that it was the second wave of this pandemic and they weren't making movies. Howard said he was shocked to watch him. He said its hard to hold someone's attention that long. He said it's good. Jake said now you know what it feels like to be him for an hour and a half. He said that this movie is pretty intense. He said there are actors on the other end of the line. He said if you take up the audience's imagination they picture what's happening.

  Robin asked if they were going for the tension if they had shot the movie in 48 hours. Jake said yes. He said he also wanted to get the movie done quickly so a director could come in and do it and not spend a lot of time doing it. He said he produced it and he was trying to figure out how to get the time down.

  Howard asked how he remembers his lines and if he had to study it for months. Jake said he did. He said he was part of the production and he was involved a lot. He said he wanted to shoot the movie in 7 days. He said he had 85 pages memorized. Howard said Netflix must have loved it too. He asked how that works with selling it to Netflix. Jake said they sold it to Netflix first. Howard asked if he goes in and pitches it or do they just make it because he's involved. Jake said they had the script so he went in and pitched it. He said Antoine got involved and they went in and pitched it. He said they were ready to go with it right away. He said they wanted to make it since the pandemic was going on. Howard said the movie is good and he likes to think about cops and what the fuck they have to go through. He said watching a 911 operator doing his thing reminds you of that. He said you wonder if someone is real on that line and how to respond to it. He said you have to have all of these skills being a cop. He said the movie really brings that out. He said you feel the pressure of what it's like to be a cop. Jake said it's the 911 operator job that they have to give a shout out to. He said they don't get to hear the end of the call and what happens. He said they spend a few minutes talking to someone and they don't know the outcome. He said it was about mental health of people who are calling and about the mental health of the operator taking the call. Jake this guy is trying to help but he's not. Robin said you see that he's in trouble too. Howard said it's a really cool movie. He said it's called ''The Guilty'' on Netflix.

  Howard asked where Jake is right now. He said he's out on Cape Cod. He said he's just chilling out there. He said he's fishing with friends. He said that's what he did over the weekend. He said he had to relax before doing Howard's show. He said that's the biggest thing he had to do so he had to be relaxed for it. Howard asked if they eat the fish or throw them back. Jake said it depends on the size. He said he fishes for sport and it's nice to have fresh fish. Robin asked if he does the gutting. Jake said of course he does. He said he has these two hands for that. He said he got sea bass yesterday and did it all himself.

  Howard asked if it's good that he dropped out of Columbia. Jake said he's not going to say backing out of school is a god idea but he's okay. He said he'd be smarter if he had finished school. Howard said it would be cool to be able to go back in time and try it over again. Jake said that he feels so grateful for not spending the beginning of his career paying off loans. He said that's the one advantage. He said that he has no debt. He said he does wish he could go back to school. He said that maybe one day he will.

  Howard said this whole fantasy of Robin and Jake being together isn't going to happen. Robin said he broke her heart. Howard asked what you're going to do. Jake said he'd cook Robin anything any time. He said he'd do the same for Howard. Howard said he used to fish with Jimmy Kimmel. He said they had this full pond with fish in it and he was guaranteed to catch something. He said one day a swan chased them. He said they were rowing like mad men. He said he felt too bad fishing to keep doing it.

  Howard asked if he fishes on a boat. Jake said that's what he's been doing lately. He said there were some big swells out there yesterday. He said he's been marking it more a part of his life. He said he likes the calm. He said it wasn't so calm yesterday. He said he was very Jewish yesterday out there. He said he just wanted to head back in.

  Howard said the movie is The Guilty and he didn't even ask how he's going to do movies with the whole pandemic. He said he doesn't understand it all. He said he hasn't left his house in 2 years now. He said he doesn't get it. He said he's not doing anything and he's out of shape and a mess. Jake said he looks pretty damn good. Howard said it's all smoke and mirrors. Jake said he's pulling it off. He asked if he pulls himself up by holding the microphone. Howard said he does let out a grunt when he sits and his shrink tells him he hears that. Jake said he's been doing that since he was 11. Howard said he can't believe that his parents let him go act at 15.

  Howard asked what Jake is doing to stay in shape. Jake said he just tries to run and bike and some strength workouts. He said as you get older you have to maintain. He said he runs a lot. He said over time you get injuries. He said it's just diet at a certain point. Howard asked what he benches. Jake said he doesn't know. He said he doesn't do it that often. He said he mixes it all up so he keeps the fun in it.

  Howard asked if he can kick someone's ass. Jake said it depends on his opponent. Howard said he knows what he means. He said he's never met an opponent who can't beat him up. Jake said he's sure that's the same for him.

  Howard said he's going to let Jake out of there because he has to fish. He also told him to say hi to his girlfriend. He said he's a fan if you know what he means. He said it's a pleasure to talk to him. He said he learned a lot today. He said watch ''The Guilty'' because it's good. Jake thanked Howard for putting him on the show. He said it's always fun. He said he's always a gentleman. Howard said not always but he tries.

  Howard asked if he's going to fish today. Jake said he's doing nothing today. He said he's trying to learn to do that. Howard said keep Robin in mind if things don't work out for him with his girlfriend. Howard said Robin put on a new outfit for him today. Jake said he didn't see her the whole time. Robin said they don't want them to see each other. Jake said that she looks better now than she has in years before. Robin said she's on Howard's diet.

  Howard said Robin was touching herself the whole time so he left her off the screen. Robin said now he's not being a gentleman. Howard let Jake go a short time later. Jake was still on trying to figurer out how to get out of there. Howard said you know they're going to talk about him after so he wants to stay on.

• Fan Feedback And More. 10/04/21. 10:20am
  Howard said he's tired. He said they'll get together tomorrow and have Brandi Carlile do a couple of tunes. He said on Wednesday they'll get to Debbie and Jeff the Vomit Guy. He said they have the Long Island Medium special clips he wants to play. He said he's all worked up over that. He said he wants to vent on that whole thing. He said imagine on 9/11 telling people that she's in touch with their family who died on 9/11. Howard said that's just a shitty thing to do.

  Howard said Gary has his Summer of Karens thing to do. He said they had the Wack Pack get in on this Cuckold story so they'll get to that too.

  Howard said a bunch of people wrote in about the Mick Jagger interview last week. He said a lot of people said a lot of nice things. He said Jillian Barberie and Captain Janks checked in on that. He said he didn't know Janks was still around. Robin said maybe he's busy having sex. She said he did come out late. Howard said he did. He said he finally came out as gay and he's having fun now so good for him.

  Howard said Gary got a lot of praise for getting Mick Jagger on the show. He said Mick was staying in North Carolina and some family went to see him. He said they said it was a great show. Howard said Mick was saying he was in a hotel in North Carolina and some street preacher was keeping him up. He said this guy wrote him about it and he knew about that preacher. He said that the local news did a story about the crazy street preacher. Howard had some audio of this guy on the news.

  Howard said no offense to that TV channel but don't encourage these guys. He said that they'll start yelling in front of a hotel. Robin said he's not even saying that much. She said he just repeats the same two lines. Howard said this guy must be loud if it's keeping Mick up in the penthouse. He said it woke him up. Howard said here are guys like that out on every corner in New York. He said you just want to tell them to get a job.

  Howard said to get these guys to shut up you give them money. He said he'd give the guy 50 bucks to get away from his window if he were Mick Jagger. He said he had a huge show to do.

  Howard said that they have to cover this guy on the news. He said there's nothing cute about that guy. He said by the way there are 50 billion guys like that out there. He said he doesn't watch local news anymore. He said he watches MSNBC and networks like that. He said Nicole Wallace looks good. He said there's a bunch of people on there that he finds attractive. He said Mika is attractive too. He said he likes Joy Reid. He said she's working on her look every day. He said he likes every one of them.

  Howard said the women on Bachelor in Paradise look good. He said tune in to see that. He said the dudes show up in board shorts and one guy shows up naked.

  Howard said he had to stop watching the local news. Robin said there is one channel where they give you a story of substance as the final story. She said they did one about the guys who carry the bodies at the military cemeteries and how they saved a woman from drowning and then went on to finish their jobs. Robin said they didn't even want to be interviewed. Howard said he'd be all over that story and it would just be about him. He said that sounds like a good newscast. He said they give you 90 minutes of bad news and a minute of good news.

  Howard said that they had a guy call into their show who wanted to jump off a bridge and he called himself a hero and the news covered it that way. He said you can't do that today. He said he can't call a press conference now.

  Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said big props to Gary for that Mick Jagger interview. She said she listened to it 100 times. She said happy anniversary to him too. She was going on and on so Howard hung up on her. He said she's been on edge for hours. Howard said he knew she ran out of steam when she repeated herself about the anniversary. He said that's when he knows to hang up. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:35am.

• Books, Beth And Instagram. 10/05/21. 7:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: An announcement about Brandi Carlile being on the show today.

  Howard started the show talking about how good this Rob Zombie song is. He said he really digs that guy. He said he's very handsome. Robin asked how he sees his face. Howard said he has a beard so that's kind of rude. He said he's very talented. He said he can paint and draw and sing. He said he's quite a man. He said that's the guy right there.

  Howard said he can see that Robin covered her shoulders today. Robin said she didn't want to show them to Brandi Carlile. Howard said she'll be dropping by later. He said she wrote a great book called Broken Horses. He said she has an album out with the same name. He said he loves that kind of stuff. He said she grew up dirt poor and she started young and she was filled with insecurity and didn't think she'd be successful. He said she's best buddies with Elton John now and she was a Joni Mitchell fan and she's friends with her too. He said he read her book and Dave Grohl's book too this summer. He said Paul McCartney has a book coming out too. He said there are a lot of great books out. He said anything rock and roll he'll read.

  Howard said he didn't read a lot in school but he did read two books. He said the white kids were reading books but he was too traumatized to get into it by then.

  Howard said he was just talking to his wife this morning. He said he ate breakfast. He said she has a handful of almonds for breakfast. He said she's like super woman. He said he learns from her. Robin said maybe she's a vampire. Howard said he knows what she eats every morning. He said by the time they go on their walk she's already walked like 2-3 miles inside the house. He said he's not sure how she does it.

  Howard said Beth has some yogurt too. He said they're small though. He said she has dinner and she'll eat whatever she wants. He said she had pancakes and eggs the other night. He said that she thought she ate so much. He said she had 2 pancakes and a couple of eggs. He said that was it for the day. He said she has the body to prove it works. He said she has the best body on any human being he's seen. He said he's not sure how he got so lucky. He said she should be married to Brad Pitt or Jake Gyllenhaal or someone like that. He said Rob Zombie too.

  Howard said Beth barely drinks any water. He said she has no water all day. He said they tell you to drink half your body weight in water and she's not doing that. He said he doesn't know how she does it. He said she can put it all together though. He said she doesn't have an ounce of fat on her. He said she's 5'10'' and she might weigh a buck and a quarter at the most. He said it's not the kind of skinny that looks gross like he does. He said she's got curves and stuff and the weight is distributed right. He said he's not sure that she ever shits. He said she might shit like a bird here and there. He said he's a lucky dude. Howard said if she's making doody then it's the size of a Tic Tac.

  Howard said his wife was on the internet this morning. He said she had a breakdown yesterday because Instagram was down. He said that Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp were down.

  Howard said he was watching Nicole Wallace yesterday and she looks really good. He said he's not sure what her body is doing but her face looks good. He said she looks really sexy. He said she's on MSNBC. Robin said she noticed a lot of those women are getting makeovers. Howard said the only one who never changes is Rachel Maddow. He said his wife said if she put on some pearl necklaces she'd look better. He said he told Rachel that and she just laughed.

  Howard said he put on the news and he was having a great laugh. He said all the congress people want to go after Facebook and regulate all of that. He said that used to be him. He said that they wanted to regulate his show. He said better him than me. He said he thought he was being funny and cutting edge but then the religious right and liberal left came together and wanted him gone. He said they all wanted him gone. He said they were really going after him. He said even the liberals were going after him because they said he was bad for children. He said for a couple of years he thought he was going to be done. He said Robin would have had a career but not him. He said Robin cleans up nice. He said he would have been a Walmart greeter.

  Howard said he didn't have any bank either. He said he was close to being out of his career and he didn't have money savings. He said he was going to have to really hustle. He said it would have gotten bad really quick.

  Howard said he was going to have to have a conversation with the kids and tell them to get a job to pay for college. He said the government and religious right were coming after him. He said Mel Karmazin said fuck these guys and told him it wasn't so bad. He said they kept him on the air. He said that Mel told him not to worry. He said Mel was great. He said that they were threatening to take away licenses and stuff and Mel stuck with him. Howard said Mel retired but he owes him a lot. He said he's very grateful.

  Howard said here were a bunch of preachers and pastors who were coming after him. He said that he had all of them coming after him. He said now they're after Facebook. He said he loves Facebook so he's not sure where all of this conspiracy theory stuff comes from. He said he just watches revenge videos on there. He said that Ralph sent him a clip. He said it's one guy who beats up guys with his umbrella. He said it's so great. He said it's a British dude who does the beating up. He said he should know the name of the movie. Robin said it's the Kingman or something. Howard said it's the Kingsmen. He said he's turning into his grandfather not being able to remember.

  Howard said he and his dad used to get his grandfather Cortisone. He said he had terrible arthritis. He said that they had to get him the Cortisone. He said he used to talk to his grandpa and he'd grunt at him. He said then he'd hand him some money. He said he never spoke English. He said his father somehow got a connection to Cortisone and he would have to go over and shoot him up. He said he used to go with his dad to shoot him up. He said it was pretty sad.

  Howard said his grandpa thought that all of his money was stolen from him so his father got an empty bank book and wrote in it that he had 2 million dollars. He said that kept him from worrying. He said he's not sure why his grandfather wasn't able to get Cortisone. He said he could ask his mother about it. He said that's a whole other story. He said his father kept the stuff in a white paper bag. He said he's not sure why he had to be a part of it but he did. Robin asked how old he was. Howard said he was near high school. He said maybe 13 or 14. He said it was not a pleasant end. He said that's not how he wants to go.

• RIP Alan Kalter. 10/05/21. 7:25am
  Howard said Beth told him that Alan Kalter died. He said he was David Letterman's announcer. He said Beth was feeling sentimental because she worked on the Letterman show. He said she was modeling and she got hired through her agency to play sketches where she played Alan's wife on the show. He said that he had never seen any of those sketches. He said he wants to see them but she won't show them to him. He said she would play Alan's hot wife. He said Beth said to him that she worked with Alan a lot. He said she said he was never a creep. She never felt bad around him. He said there's a lot of guys who are creeps around her. He said that she never had that with Alan. He said men have a low bar. He said if you're not a creep that's a rare thing.

  Howard said Beth told him that he was never inappropriate or anything. She said he was just a gentleman. She said he was always very nice. Howard said he was 78 years old. Howard said he was thinking about how he's getting older and he's figuring out how much longer he has. He said if you live to 78 you've beaten the odds. He said that's the age you start going. He said that's it. He said he knows there's nothing after this.

  Howard said he should ask Beth if she wants to come down to talk about Alan. He said sometimes she's in the mood. He said he'll give her a call and ask. He said that's the fastest way to get her down there.

  Howard called her Cindy when she picked up. Howard said he renamed her a while ago. He said she doesn't like that. He said she looks like a Cindy to him. He said that she looks like a heather or a Cindy. He said she took the name Cindy. He said he calls her that on their anniversary card. He said that she yelled at him when he called her that just now.

  Beth came in and Howard told her she looks cute. Beth said she does not and she's not going to be on camera. Howard said she does look cute. Beth asked if he missed her. Howard said he was telling Robin about the theory about her name and how her mother named her and she doesn't look like a Beth to him. He said she's a Cindy or a Heather. Beth said that you can't have a fancy first name with her last name Ostrosky. She said that it's stern now so it's different. She said this is so stupid. She said this is what they talk about on their walks.

  Howard said they stayed up late last night watching TV. Beth said it's the best TV show right now. She said it's called Love on the Spectrum. She said it's season 2 and it's so good. Howard said he told Beth that they might be making fun of the people with autism. He said he loves the show though. Beth said it's so good. She said she doesn't think they're making fun. Robin said she saw the preview for it and she knew that was the show they watch.

  Howard said Robin is sweeter to him when Beth is there. He said she'd be busting his balls if she wasn't there. Howard said the kids have it tough. Beth said she loves the Michael character.

  Howard said he was talking to Beth about her name and how he'd never name her Beth. He said he saw a Cindy and a Heather. Beth said she can't even associate those names with herself at all. Howard said he's not thinking about either of them. Beth said the other choice was Kate with her mother. Howard said he thinks that her name isn't that hot. He said he renamed her Cindy and he's been calling her that. He said he likes that better than Beth. Howard said Beth likes it.

  Beth said that her mother had a story about why she named her Beth. Howard said she was named after this great woman who inspired her mother. He said that they called her mother and asked why she named her Beth. Beth said it was a lady who sold them a couch and that's where she got the name from. Howard said she was just a woman who sold them a couch. He said that was bullshit and that name is not befitting his wife. He said that's when he renamed her Cindy. He said he asked Judy about the name and it was just some saleswoman named Beth. Howard said Beth's head was spinning the rest of the walk.

  Howard said he was talking about Alan Kalter. Beth said she just wrote to the woman who booked her on the show. She said that she was the one who coordinated the match between her and Alan on the show. Howard asked how she had the tapes and never showed them to him. Beth said that's because Vinnie gave them as a wedding gift. She said she has to find it. Howard said it must be a wedding gift for both of them.

  Howard said they started dating and Beth got kicked off the Letterman show. He said she's so nice. Beth said they didn't use her anymore. Howard said Beth would get to be on the Letterman show and she had that regular sketch. He said that she loved it. He said she would tell him that it was so much fun going there. He said it was a good pay day too. Beth said the pay wasn't bad. She said being there was so cool. Howard said when word got out they thought that he might tell something that goes on back stage and they got rid of her. He said he was heartbroken about that. He said he was going to call Letterman to ask about it. He said he tells him that he had no idea. He said Jill must have known. Beth said that she's a friend.

  Howard said she can't say a bad word about anyone. Beth said they were talking about bad breath this morning and they were talking about some people. Howard said some day they're going to have a real conversation on the air.

  Howard said Beth told him this morning that Alan Kalter had died. Beth said that he was so kind to her. She said that she'd be dressed in very revealing dresses and they were kind of intimate scenes that she'd do with him. She said that Alan was always so respectful. She said that he'd come and say hi to her. She said that he knew she was dating Howard so he'd ask about that and her family and all of that. She said he was just lovely. Howard said he never said anything to her. Beth said his eyes never went past her eyes. She said she loved working with him. She said she was sad to see that he had passed.

  Robin said they should make a special note about guys like that. Howard said Robin has her stories but Beth has stories. He said if she wrote a book about what's been done to her it would be wild. He said she has had a lot of things done to her.

  Howard said Beth should be Cindy Beth. He said she looks like a Cindy Ann maybe. He said that's her middle name. He said he was telling Robin about how little water she drinks and all of that. Beth said she feels like she's allergic to almonds. She said she has a burning with her lips. She said she's not sure what's going on. Howard said she never eats any fruit. Beth said she hasn't put anything on her lips for 3 months now and they feel like they're inflamed. She said they burn. She said she thought it was organic wine. She said she's not sure if she has an allergy to nuts.

  Howard said the doctor told her to go to an allergist. He said that his mother freaked out and said that she might be allergic to the cats. He did an impression of his mother asking about the burning lips thing. He said his mother is an expert in illness and what to say. He said that his mother told her to stop kissing the cats. He said she thinks it's the cats that she's allergic to. Howard said his mother keeps asking about it even though they tell her she's fine. He said she still asks about it so she knows something.

  Howard said he thinks that she's not drinking water and eating fruits and vegetables. Beth said she is having problems. Howard said he told Robin about what she eats. Beth said she eats the biggest dinner ever. Howard said she had like 2 pancakes and 2 eggs. He said that's nothing after walking 8 miles and doing the Hydrow. Beth said it works for him. Howard said he can't tell her how lucky he is to have her. He asked who is better than her. He said she is the most beautiful woman he's ever seen.

  Howard answered a knock at the door. It turned out to be Alan Kalter from heaven. Beth said it's too soon for that. Fake Alan said that Beth had an ass he'd eat ice cream out of. He said he can say that now that he's dead. Howard cut him off after that. Howard said Alan would be happy with what Beth said today. Beth said that she feels sad for him. Howard said he's not sure what got him. He said he'd like to know. He said who knows though.

  Howard said Beth has to eat something. Beth said she's getting light headed. Robin said that's a real problem. She said your blood pressure goes down when you stand up. Howard said she used to pass out while modeling. Beth said it happened a lot. She said that's from standing a lot. Howard said that business is so fucked up they'd just prop her back up.

  Beth said she fainted once and she had to recover quickly. She said she lost her color and they just put more makeup on her. Robin said she has to eat more. Howard said he has to cut his calories and get back in shape. Beth said he looks great. She said he has a belly but he looks amazing. She said he had a belly when they met. She said he looks amazing and she's attracted to him. She said she doesn't mind the belly. Howard said she has the best body on a human being and he loves being with her.

  Howard said he can't believe that Alan never did anything to her. He said that's amazing. Beth said he was a gentleman. Howard said you can't say that about that many guys.

  Beth asked what they have coming up. Howard said they have Brandi Carlile coming in later. He said he and Robin have things to do too.

  Howard took a call from a woman who said the skin on her lips was peeling off and she wanted to tell Beth that she went to an allergist and the only thing that worked was Aquaphor twice a day. Beth said she tried that and it didn't work. Howard said his mom used to do that too.

  Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he loves the way they love on each other. He said he knows people hate it. He said his question for Beth is that with all of this love if Howard passes she will never be in another relationship. Beth said she never thinks of a day in her life without Howard. She said he can't imagine being with anyone else. Howard said she will. Beth said Howard will live to 105. King said that's not a good sign. Howard told him to stop stirring up trouble. King said he just wants her to say that she won't be with anyone. Beth said Howard would want her to be happy. Howard said not that happy. He said he's thinking of some zero belly fat dude with her. Beth said she'll be 90 by then. Howard said everyone stay away from his woman.

  Beth said his hair looks flat. Howard said he's not sure why it does that. Beth said that he just has to fluff it. Howard said he put so much gel in there.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he met Alan a few times and his wife Peggy was a research consultant so that's how he met him. He said Alan would come with his wife and he'd help her out. He said he was a really nice guy.

  Howard said Letterman issued a statement about Alan. He said Bob Morton brought in tapes of people to audition and he heard Alan's voice and hired him right away.

  Howard said he has to go. Beth said she has to go too. Howard said he has more people on the phone with lip advice. Beth said if you have any suggestions then email her foster account. Howard said that's not the right road to go down. He said people will scare the shit out of her with their stories. Howard said he has shit going no and he's not mentioning it on the air. He said if your asshole itches then they tell you that their uncle died of a heart attack after their asshole itched.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he adopted a bunch of cats from them. Beth said she knows them. The caller said his wife has a lot of food allergies as an adult and she has to go to an allergist to figure out what it is. He said that they'll test with all kinds of foods. He said it could be a food that they weren't allergic to before. Howard said Beth won't go. Beth said she will. She asked how the cats are doing. The caller said they're doing well. He told Beth to try calling his wife about the food allergies. Howard asked what the food is she was allergic to. The caller said it's apples. He said it's turned into celery and cantaloupe and things like that. He said it's weird that it came out of nowhere. Beth said she's getting to the big 5-0 soon too.

  Beth said that they have adopted out close to 1600 cats. She said those cats that they adopted out were in the first 10. She said she knows all of the families that have adopted. Robin said that's incredible.

  Howard said he has so many people on the phone who want to help with the lip thing. He said you get older and things happen. He said Beth is always running out of there. He said the second date he tried to kiss her and she laughed and ran off. He said she's been running away from him ever since.

  Howard said this guy on Bachelor in Paradise who runs around naked is out of his mind. Beth said a couple of the girls liked it. Howard said he has a ton of people on the phone who want to talk about the allergies.

  Beth asked if they have talked about Bachelor in Paradise. Howard said he can't talk about it yet. He said he's trying to figure out what the best show is. Beth said Love on the Spectrum is. She said she loves that show. Howard said he loves all of that stuff. He said he doesn't watch baseball or football at all. He said he doesn't care about that. He said he wants Love on the Spectrum any day of the week.

  Howard asked what that shirt is. Beth said it's a Who t-shirt. She said she's friends with Pete Townshened. Howard said she met him years ago. Beth said today is the day she does the bleach out of the litter boxes. Howard asked how many miles she's done today. Beth didn't have her phone. She said that she probably hasn't done that much yet today.

  Beth ran off to work with the cats. Howard told her not to take off her pants. He said the other day one of the cleaning women was there and he was kidding around with Beth and told her to take her pants off. He said the cleaning woman was right there when he said it.

• Tony Bennett Discussions. 10/05/21. 8:00am
  Howard said that's about it for what he wanted to talk about. He said he was going to talk about Tony Bennett. Robin said they had him on 60 Minutes. Howard said he's done the show a bunch of times. He said he's a great painter and he's like 95 years old. He said they had Tony on the Billy Joel special they did. He said that Billy loves Tony so that was a home run when he showed up. Howard said it made Billy's day and his day too.

  Howard said he was reading about how Lady Gaga works with Tony sometimes. He said he read that he has Alzheimers. He said he thought he was still working. He said the weird thing is that Tony will work with Lady Gaga and he can't remember her name. He said that he can remember every lyric when he performs. He said then he will know her name out on stage. He said the part of the brain that deals with music is the one that deals with emotion. He said he's able to know her name on stage but then he forgets it off stage.

  Robin said that Tony hadn't said her name in months or weeks and then when he was on stage he introduced her and knew her name. Howard said then you think that he's bullshitting. He said then they get off stage and he forgets. Robin said this was his last show. She said that Anderson Cooper did this piece. She said they were sitting in Central Park a few days later and he had to remind him of the show he did. Robin said he had no memory of the concert. Howard said that's so sad. He said he was always so sweet on the show. He said his son is so devoted to him too.

  Howard said it's so sad. He said they were saying that his wife doesn't know he has Alzheimers. Robin asked how you'd know that. Howard said his grandpa had the same shit. He said it was such a fucking drag. He said that he got angry about it. He said his grandpa had a shit life. He said he had it as bad as it gets. He said the children all died and he had more children and worked in a sweat shop and all of this. He said he was working in horrible conditions. He said it was just crazy stories.

  Howard said his grandpa thought this woman he married was cheating on him. He said he'd scream and yell about it. He said it was just crazy stuff. He said what a life.

  Robin said you hear these stories and you see that we're living in the lap of luxury. Howard said the guy would just yell at him and scare the shit out of him. He said he didn't speak English to him so he didn't know what he was saying. He said it was scary. He said his mother told him he was the sweetest man. He said he had no idea.

  Howard said life used to be real hard. He said that he was laughing about people suffering when Facebook and Instagram went down. Robin said people were freaking out around the world. Howard said that's when you know you have it too good. Howard said he has to take a break.

• Whoopi Goldberg Staying On The View. 10/05/21. 8:15am
  Howard said he has to get to Brandi Carlile later and people are wondering what's happening in Cocktober. He said they were busy this week but it's coming next week. He said this year they want to see stupid penis tricks so if you're 18 or older then you can mail them at cocktober@howardstern.com with your stupid penis tricks. He said do that before the 17th. He said they will have a celebration this month.

  Howard said NBC has an app called Peacock and they have a ''Peacocktober'' thing going on and they may not know what they're saying.

  Howard said Whoopi Goldberg has signed with The View again. He said he didn't think she was going to stay there that long but she's sticking around. Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Whoopi. Howard congratulated her on the new contract. Howard spent a few minutes talking to fake Whoopi about The View and played some clips of Whoopi arguing with Meghan McCain on The View.

  Howard said he has to tell you that he thought she added a nice energy to the show. Whoopi said she misses that energy. She said she likes the peace and quiet too though.

  Whoopi said she has to take a hit off her vape to calm down. She did that and said that's her magic flute. Howard said he just wanted to congratulate her on staying on. Whoopi asked if he has any suggestions for a replacement for Meghan. Howard said maybe Britney Spears. Whoopi said she might be good. Howard said how about Caitlyn Jenner. Whoopi said maybe not because it would give her a migraine to talk to her every day. Howard said how about Barbara Walters. He said he'd watch that. Whoopi said maybe because no one would know what she's going to say. Howard said maybe Marjorie Taylor Greene or Olivia Jade. Howard said how about Oprah. Whoopi asked if he's high. Howard said no. Whoopi said they don't have that kind of money. Howard wrapped up with Whoopi after she took a few more hits off her vape pen. The hits were cracking Robin and Howard up. Howard said he has to tune in today because she's going to be fierce. He said whatever she's got he needs. Whoopi told him to come over and spend some time with her.

  Howard let Whoopi go after she took a few more hits. They closed the door a couple of times but she kept taking hits. Howard said the door isn't working. He said he still hears her. Howard did some live commercial reads and went to break.

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• Fixing Mushu Peaches. 10/05/21. 8:30am
  After the break they played a ''Barack Obama Fucks Hard podcast'' bit and Hozier's ''Take Me To Church'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and said that's Hozier. He asked where the follow up song is. Robin said he had a couple of hits. She said they just don't hear them. Howard said that's Robin's guy. Robin said that Lorde is coming out with a new album. She said she's finally putting one out. Howard said it's a tough business. Howard said that's why he admires Brandi. He said she's got an album of new songs and covers.

  Howard said he was busy with the cats last night. He said that he vowed that he would brush Walter, their cat, so he ran downstairs and said he was going to do that. He said she told him to brush Mushu Peaches too. He said that they took this cat in and the cat won't go to anybody. He said no one could approach her at all. He said they adopted her. He said she's scared of people. He said if there's something bad happening in the house you can't even do anything to save her. He said that he made her his project. He said that he would sit there with food and have her come over to him. He said he did this for an hour at a time. He said he could be making good money with that hour. He said he put that time into this cat.

  Howard said he would sit there like Buddha with treats in his hand. He said he would bring her closer and closer to him. He said some days she would stare at him and not get closer to him. He said she'd be salivating looking at it. He said this goes on for months. He said that he knew it was going to work and she'd go for it some day. He said he told her that he'd never hurt her or treat her bad. He said he did this over and over. He said this was turning on his wife. He said that he never got laid more than when he was doing this training routine.

  Howard said his friend Pat would talk to him about this cat thing. He said he hasn't seen Pat in like 2 years now. He said they talk on the phone but that's it. He said they talk about stuff on the phone and talk about how they have no problem with homosexuality but they're totally straight.

  Howard said months later Mushu starts eating out of his hand. He said then he took his right hand and tried to pet her a little bit. He said he kept creeping the treats into his lap. He said now he has a cat who hates Beth but loves him. He said this cat hates Beth and Beth can't believe it. He said he laughs about it the whole time. He said she's miss cat but this cat loves him and not Beth. He said it kind of backfired on him because Mushu got fat and now when she takes a dump it's loose and the doody gets caught in the fur. He said he's the only one who can get close to her so he's the one who smells the doody in the hair.

  Howard said Beth told him that he had to do something about the doody. He said he had to look at it and found it. He said he had to check out there. He said Beth told him he had to figure out something. He said he used the brush to try to get it out of there. He said it was caked in there. He said he got the brush and hit a vein of doot. He said it got on the brush and it released the doody smell. He said he was in too far and wasn't able to back out. He said Beth told him to keep going. He said it reactivated the whole smell like it was fresh doody. He said he had to be careful with that so he didn't scare her off. He said he slowly did it and got it out of there.

  Robin said they're over feeding the cat. Howard said that's not him. He said he's not in charge of that. He said she's criticizing Beth now. He said she had better be careful. He said Beth doesn't eat but she over feeds the cat. Robin said now you have to trim the hairs too. Howard said now Beth chases that cat like Rocky chased the chicken in the first Rocky movie. He said that she was able to trim the hair. He said that's why the cat hates Beth and not him. He said he calms her down after Beth chases her. Howard said it's awesome.

  Howard said he gives Mushu the good stuff and Beth upsets her. Robin said it's shameful that he enjoys that. Howard said that's what he was busy doing with Mushu Peaches. He said this is what he's busy with. He said that's why he had to reduce their schedule. He said Mushu won't sit on his lap but he can pet her now. He said it's pretty crazy stuff.

• Bad Breath Discussions. 10/05/21. 8:50am
  Howard asked if he should take a break now. He said he might have time for a call. He said he was reading about Katie Couric's new book and how she wrote that Les Moonves has bad breath. He said he's been in a room with the guy before and never smelled bad breath. He said he can think of some people who had the worst breath. He said Robin has the best. He said he never smelled anything on her. Robin said she never smelled anything on Howard either. Howard said the funny thing with people with bad breath complain about people with bad breath. He said he has a friend who complains about bad breath but the guy has the worst breath himself. Robin said maybe he smells his own breath and thinks it's other people. Howard said maybe she's right. Howard said this guy's breath smells like a shit sandwich. He said you leave the room and it lingers with you. He said it's stuck in your nostrils. He said some of these people love to get up close. He said that's what Katie complained about in the book. He said that he has smelled some doodies that are better that his friend's breath. Robin knows what he's talking about. Robin said oh yeah.

  Howard said he uses those Doctor's Toothpicks to clean his teeth. He said he thinks that's how he keeps it under control. Robin said there has to be something else going on in those people's mouths. She said it must be something in their body. Howard said he went to the dentist and was all masked up and all of that. He said he sat in the chair and the hygienist had a mask and a plastic thing on. He said this world we live in is crazy. He said he hasn't seen Robin in years. He asked if it's been 2 years. Robin said not yet. She said that it was March of 2020 that they went into quarantine. Howard said they have to get to Brandi Carlile. He said on the bright side he hasn't seen Benjy in 2 years. He said he'd like to see Robin. He said he does miss the gang. He said he's getting crazy sitting there by himself.

  Howard said he's digging Billie Eilish. He said that she had a concert in Texas and she was going to cancel it. He said that with the abortion bill and all of that she was going to cancel it. He said maybe he'll play the audio of that speech she made tomorrow. Robin said she wrote the new James Bond theme song. Howard said he knew that. Howard said Brandi Carlile is promoting her new album. He said they're going to do two songs. He went to break after doing a live commercial read.

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• Brandi Carlile Performs Live. 10/05/21. 9:00am
  After the break they played Chris Cornell's cover of ''Imagine'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and said their guest today is Brandi Carlile and the Twins Phil and Tim. He said there she is. He said they're looking good. He said they're in their L.A. studio. Howard said he hasn't been out there in a while. He said he won't leave his basement so at least they're getting out. Howard asked if they enjoy it out there. Brandi said it is good to get out once in a while. Howard said he saw her on CBS Sunday Morning with her ranch. He asked how big it is. The guys said it's like 100 acres. Howard said he would love that. He said his wife couldn't handle it but he'd love it. He asked if they have a lake on the property. Brandi said that she has a pond but it's looking kind of haggard. She said they have streams and stuff running through it.

  Howard asked if they don't have to see anyone but their own universe. Brandi said it's about 45 minutes from Seattle so it's not too far. She said they can tap into that if they want to but mostly they don't. She said they don't even go out to eat. Howard said they can go weeks without seeing anyone. Brandi said that's right.

  Howard asked if they think that when they retire they could live there and not see anyone but family. Brandi said not her. She said she has to be on stage in front of people. She said at home she has to be with people too. She said she doesn't do alone time. She said it's just a respite being out there.

  Howard said he loved her book Broken Horses. He said he felt like he got to know her. He said she had some sad life. He said she had a lot of trauma. He said that she had to deal with being gay and then the church refused to baptize her. He said he hates that they deal with gay people like that in church. Brandi said it can be pretty oppressive. She said that she has heard from people who went through conversion therapy and all of that. She said she likes hearing how not alone she is. Howard said that her brother wasn't able to take the gay stuff so he didn't stick with her performing. Howard said that's so sad. Brandi said that she and her brother look at each other's lives and see that they have been able to do have it all. She said her brother lives in an even bigger piece of property than she does.

  Howard said Brandi and the Twins take this very seriously. He said with The Joke and the music and the work they have done has turned people on to them. Howard said then they win 5 Grammys and then COVID hits. He said that they were o their way. He said they had sold out Madison Square Garden. He said they were going to have major bucks coming in. Brandi said she's still open for that. Howard said she hasn't made a lot of money. Brandi said she still has to work. Howard said right before COVID they were doing really well and then everything stops. He said they had to go back to the compound. Howard said that they were so close. He asked what it was like for her.

  Brandi said that she had just turned 40 and she was talking to Bonnie Raitt. She said that she had this latter day success like she did. She said they were ready for it. She said they were so ready and then they were interrupted.

  Howard said that it was so close. He asked if Bonnie helped her. Brandi said she did. She said they talked through it. She said it was tough to get through some stuff. She said they had some sold out shows that got her really hyped. She said their shows were all sold out as they came up on COVID. She said then that happened and it was like some cosmic joke. Howard said it was like 15-20,000 seats sold out.

  Howard said she reminds him of Bonnie Raitt. He said he doesn't know if she likes him. Brandi said she's sure she does. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said she has relationships with these people and it must be great. He said she has friendships with Bonnie, Elton John and Joni Mitchell. He said that has to be great.

  Howard said there's a picture of Brandi on stage with Dolly Parton and it's amazing that she's up there with her and she looks like she's on cloud 9. Brandi said she was. Howard asked what that was like for her. Brandi said she's so beautiful and she felt like she was in the palm of her hand. She said she'll never forget that moment. Howard asked how that even came about. Brandi said it was her idea to sing it together. She said she had asked her to perform with her at a festival. She said she asked Dolly to come out and she agreed to do it. She said that she has a voicemail from her about agreeing to do it and she'll keep that forever. She said it was so great doing that show with her.

  Howard said the harmonizing that they did together was so great. Brandi said she had been harmonizing with her since she was 7 and Dolly didn't even know it. Howard said he gets goose bumps just thinking about it. Brandi said she's glad it happened when it did.

  Howard said that she thinks that ''I Will Always Love You'' is one of the greatest songs ever written. Howard threw in a few other songs that she thinks are right up there. Howard said there are a lot of songs that are great.

  Howard said Tim and Phil are great too. He said they must sit at home just singing Simon and Garfunkel. The Twins said they have been doing The Sound of Silence. Howard asked if they can do it now. He said he'd like to hear that. He asked if they need preparation. The Twins said they can do some of it. Howard had them give it a try. The Twins did a little bit of The Sound Of Silence for Howard.

  Howard said that is good. He said what's great is that they gave him goose bumps and tears in 30 seconds. He said that's why he loves talking to musicians. He said it's like having a super power.

  Howard said he saw a video of them busking with Dave Grohl. Brandi said that was surreal. She said they got a busking license and she went out to do that with Dave. She said it was really surreal because when you're in a place where you used to hope to make 40 bucks and now you're with Dave Grohl, it's just crazy. Howard asked if anyone threw money in the guitar case. Brandi said that they moved a guy out of that spot and they gave the money to that guy.

  Howard said he's not sure how she has the guts to go out and do something like that at a young age. Brandi said that Howard has some cojones too. Howard said not like they do.

  Howard said they did this concert for them over the summer. He said Elton John was a huge influence on her. He said that now she's at the point that she can call him and do songs with him. He asked what that's like for her. Brandi said she's getting less and less nervous. She said Elton is like everything you'd hope and expect him to be. She said he curses a lot and he's also very upstanding and moral. She said he's really empathetic and he's quick to laughter and all of that. She said she picked a good one.

  Howard said that Elton suggested to her that she call her book ''Rug Muncher.'' He asked if that's the kind of guy he is. Brandi said he is. She said that he's really fun. She said he's very vile and she loves that.

  Howard asked what it means when Elton says that she's like a Home Depot lesbian. Brandi said that she helps people work on stuff and he calls her that. Howard said the serious part of the business is that she was stuck on a song and she asked if Elton could help. Brandi said it was actually Bernie Taupin. She said he was very restrained about it. She said he told her to stick on the track she was on. Howard said the song ''Broken Horses'' is what she's talking about. Howard said Bernie was open to it. Brandi said he had been sending her lyrics and his instinct was to know it was autobiographical. She said he's a cowboy so he was happy to help with it.

  Howard said she has a great group behind her today. Howard said they have Nicki, Kylene and Josh behind her. Brandi introduced everyone and told Howard they all tour together.

  Howard asked why they chose to do Madman Across the Water out of the whole Elton John concert. Brandi said she thought Howard would like it. She said the song is rhythmically good. Howard asked who the Madman across the water is. Brandi said that she thinks he's a man of great wisdom who is being laughed at and not being fully appreciated for his genius. She said he can kind of take it.

  Howard and Brandi went through some of Elton's songs and talked about some of their favorites. Brandi sang some ''My Father's gun'' and Howard played some of the actual song. Howard said as a kid she went through an Elton John phase where she dressed up like him. Brandi said they had pageants where girls would dress up so she ended up trying it out like Elton. She said she convinced her mom to let her dress up in a white suit. She said she did that and her mom helped her out with the look. Howard said it sounds like she was very sportive. Brandi said she was. She said it was a big moment for her.

  Howard said Brandi likes to dress up for the audience. He said he talked to Jerry Seinfeld about getting dressed up for the night. He said he wants the audience to think it was a special night. Brandi said it is a big deal for her too and she wants the audience to feel that. She said that's when the energetic things can happen.

  Howard asked if Brandi would be comfortable in a dress on stage. Brandi said she would be okay in that more than other feminine clothes. She said it can be subtle stuff that makes her miserable. She said she won't do it anymore. Howard said he's surprised to hear she wore a dress to her wedding. He said he didn't think that was her.

  Howard asked how things are with her wife. Brandi said they're great. She said that she's her best friend and the person she wants to be around the most. She said she's also the person she argues with late into the night. Howard said he read about how she had a hard time sleeping and she got into taking stuff to sleep and then she had to get over that. He said once her wife started traveling with her it all stopped. He said having that person with you helped her. He said it was all fucking her up. Brandi said it was fucking her up. She said she never ate and she was so thin. She said she was so far up her own ass. She said she needed to sleep and she would be groggy and tired and she'd have to take stuff to get through shows. She said then she met Catherine and she told her to start eating and getting sleep. She said that she listened to everything she said.

  Howard said that sounds like a great love story. He said he thinks what's hot is that for a year they talked before getting together. He said Catherine was working for Paul McCartney and she met her through her job. Howard said hey talked for a year so it was a slow burn. Brandi said one day things just changed. She said she hadn't seen her for 6 or 7 months. She said she walked on her tour bus one day and she realized that everything was different. She said that she was just switched and she was totally infatuated with her. Howard said that's shocking to him. Brandi said it's really complicated. Howard asked if Catherine had the hots for her. Brandi said she told her that she lacked substance. She said that she spent a lot of her life only being attracted to masculine women. She said it didn't occur to her. She said that she didn't think it was her persuasion. She said that one day she saw her and she just knew that nothing was going to be the same again. Howard said he doesn't understand that. He said she's right though. He said her wife is like a lipstick lesbian. He said she's gorgeous and super femme. Brandi said that she'll surprise him. She said that she's so hot that she won't wear makeup and she looks like she is wearing it.

  Howard asked if she's more in love with her than she is with her. Brandi said that she is in love in a different way. She said she's not sure how to explain. She said she doesn't ever want to be away from her. She said she wants to be around her all the time. Brandi said she knows that she's in love with her but she can have her own time away from her. She said she has some fortitude that she doesn't have and she finds that intoxicating. Howard said he's the same way. He said he feels like he can't take 2 steps without his wife. He said it makes him sad to think about how attached he is. He said it might be too much for her. Brandi said she knows exactly what he means. She said they're the lucky ones.

  Howard said they will fall apart if they ever lose their spouses. Brandi said that the song Vampire that Jason Isbell has haunts her because he sings about how we may have to spend some days alone. She said that may end up being what happens to them.

  Howard said that Brandi wasn't a big fan of Joni Mitchell but her wife was into her. Howard said she's the reason that she got into her. Brandi said that's right 100 percent. She said that it was a deal breaker for her wife that she wasn't into Joni.

  Howard said he heard that she covers Joni's whole album in concert. Brandi said that she has done that and Joni came out to see them with Elton John. Howard asked if Phil and Tim get nervous doing that. One of the guys said not really but he knows he should. Howard asked if they're so good that they don't get nervous. Brandi said you ave to do stuff that scares you. Howard said imagine doing the whole album Blue with Joni and Elton there. He said Bonnie Raitt too. Howard said that's insane. Brandi said it was pretty stupid. Howard asked if Bonnie is still out performing. Brandi said she's killer. Howard asked if they know how to do the slide guitar thing. The guys said they can't do it like Bonnie can.

  Howard said he's excited for them to do ''Madman Across the Water.'' Howard asked if everyone knows their parts. Everyone said they do. Howard had them go into the song.

  After the song Howard said he didn't want that to stop. Robin said that could have gone on for hours. Howard said that's so beautiful. He said he was thinking about Brandi and if she practices guitar every day. Brandi said she never touches it. She said Tim plays all day and all night. Howard said he'd think you have to play every day to be at that level. He said it's really great. He said they hit notes that must be hard to hit. He said she must be able to hit every note. Brandi said she thinks she can hit most notes. She said there are things that she'd have to practice. She said she gets off on trying to hit those complicated notes in other people's songs.

  Howard said you can over power a song so you have to hold back at times. Brandi said it's easier now than it was when she was younger. She said she knows how to control it now. She said she used to come out and just blast it. She said she just loves performing.

  Howard said he was talking to someone, maybe Chris Martin, who said that you don't articulate every word. He asked if you should blur some of the words. Brandi said that sounds a bit more cerebral than she can fathom. She said she just goes out and opens up emotionally.

  Howard asked about how the string players made a living before. One of the guys said he's been playing with Brandi for 16 years now. He said it's been a while now. Howard said this rock shit is much better than classical. Brandi said that she remembers the first time he got in the van and they had to tell him to pace himself.

  Howard said they have an album out now called In These Silent Days. He said he thought it was the same as the book name but it's not. He said that it has a song called Broken Horses on it though. Howard said it must be good that they were able to spend time together making this album during quarantine. Brandi said it did push the families together and they were able to write this album. She said she finished her book too. She said they were able to live stream and do things during quarantine.

  Howard said he loves the song ''Mama Werewolf'' and how when you're a parent you can still fuck things up. Howard said he thought he could be a great dad but he realized he had a lot of shit to work on when he went into therapy. He said you don't know how wrong things can go. Brandi said she has to have psychotherapy to write music. She said she's been going for 20 years. Howard said he has too. Brandi said pretty much to the same person too. Howard said if you can afford it you should do it.

  Howard played some of the song ''Mama Werewolf.'' He said he wishes people were more in touch with that in their lives. He said there is a werewolf inside all of us. Brandi said you want to pass on the good parts of your family. She said that you might not know that you're passing things on that you don't want to. She said you want them to tell you if you're fucking them up early. Brandi said her parents were very big on communicating. She said they wanted her to talk to them. Howard said that song really hits him.

  Howard said the new song they're doing is called ''Right on Time'' and he didn't realize it but Courteney Cox directed the music video for the song. Brandi said she's culty like they are and she sort of fell in love with her and when Courteney heard the song she acted out the video for her. She said she told her what the song was about for her and acted it out. She said she was really uncomfortable with it because she can't act so she wasn't sure how to do it. She said she had to learn how to open her eyes under water and things like that. She said it was one of the most cathartic things she has done.

  Howard asked how they met Courteney. Brandi said they met her through a stylist. She said they just hit it off when they met. Howard said that she's a pretty damn good musician too. Howard said he jammed with her one night. He said it was a disaster. He said he only plays Hang On Sloopey but she was playing drums.

  Howard asked if Brandi was attracted to Courteney at all. Brandi said that she wasn't at the time but she sees how beautiful she is.

  Howard said this song is from the new album and it's called ''Right On Time.'' Howard asked where Brandi was going. She went to the piano. Howard said she's a show off now. He said he didn't know she played piano. Brandi said of course if she likes Elton John she has to play. They went into the song after that.

  After the song Howard and Robin said they got the chills. Howard said that song is a hit. He said he smells a hit. He said that's an important song. He said it might be another Hang on Sloopey. He said that he's not sure how they do it.

  Howard asked if Brandi wrote that on piano. Brandi said she did. She said that she has a piano in her barn and she just rapped on the book a few days earlier and she hit on that song. Brandi told Howard that if she could paint like Howard does she would think she had a super power. Howard said when he hears a song like that and you talk about it happening in 10 minutes it sounds impossible. He said it was like a quickie. Brandi said it was. She said she was thinking about Catherine being so strong during the quarantine and all of that. She said all of that led to an explosive moment and she thinks about what we're made of and she wanted to do a song that was as intense and meaningful to her. Howard said they fought over being home and not knowing what the future was going to be. He said it ended in a fight. Brandi said sure, many of them. Howard asked what the fight was about. Brandi said the song is about something happening as a result of fear. She said you can't show fear too much around the kids. She said you have to keep things together and it's petty things that turn into a confrontation. She said it wasn't right but it was right on time. She said something had to happen. She said she imagines other relationships had the same thing. She said things were still happening and people were losing people, kids were being born and all of that. Howard said it is a scary time. He said things scare the shit out of him too. Brandi said it's good to say that and get it out.

  Howard said he likes what Billie Eilish did getting up and talking about how she almost canceled her show because of what's going on in Texas. He said he's proud of her. Brandi said they love her. She said that she has never met her but she loves her.

  Howard said that song was something. He said he's glad he backed them early on. Brandi said that she has heard non stop that Howard talks about them and that's an honor to them. She said there are a lot of men and straight people out in the crowd now. Howard said she needs everyone under that tent. He said they're just so good. He said it's embarrassing backing people and they go nowhere. He said they're really great. He said what a performance that was. He said that will stay with him a long time. He said he's not sure how they do it so early. Brandi said she had to get up at 3 and exercise this morning. Howard said they're the best. He said he loves them. He said check out their new album. He said you heard a piece of it today. He gave them some plugs for the album and thanked them for being there and doing this. They thanked Howard too. Howard let them go a short time later.

  Robin said that was something. Howard said it was amazing. He said that Brandi performed with the remaining members of Soundgarden and said she would be part of the band if they wanted her. He said that Phil and Tim would have to be part of that too. He said Brandi is an amazing talent. He said the bitch of it for her is that her career hit into high gear when COVID hit. He said that was tough. Howard said it breaks his heart.

  Howard said he wanted to ask her about how much the hundred acres costs out there. Robin said there are places it doesn't cost that much. She said they are near a city. Howard asked Gary if he can ask what it will cost for 100 actress in Seattle. Gary tried to get them on to find out.

  Howard said he read about how Mike McCready from Pearl Jam lives up there on the compound too. He said that they could get a bunch of people they know to live up there in their compound too. He said they can get all of the radio guys out there. He said they can have Kidd Chris, Booker, Cousin Brucie, Meg Griffin and others. Robin said she would love a place with horses.

  Gary said he has Brandi back. Howard asked Brandi what it costs to get 100 acres up in Seattle. Brandi said that she's not sure because it took like 20 years to get it all. She said maybe 250 grand for 5 acres. Howard said he can't do the math. He asked about Mike living up there too. Brandi said he lives in a yurt. She said that they let her design it. She said they just ride 4 wheelers up there and hang out. She said they had a piece of land out there that was next door so they have a place right there.

  Howard asked if he can come see this place. He said he wants to house hunt out there. He said he wants to get in on it. Brandi said that would be so fun. Howard said the fun never ends with him. He said she has no idea.

  Howard said he was talking about Soundgarden too. He said she doesn't have time for that. Brandi said she loves that band so much. She said she loved Chris too. She said she feels so connected to them. She said that it feels like heaven when they play together. She said she hopes they can do more. She said they're open to it too.

  Howard asked who the person was that didn't show up to do Black Hole Sun. Brandi said she's not sure but she has a feeling it was Axl Rose. Howard said he was supposed to do the song and he didn't show up. He said he thinks he could do a good job with that song. Brandi said of course. She said that he didn't show up and she did the song instead. She said that the twins came to do the back up vocals. She said they stayed up until 4 in the morning thinking that things would never get better in their careers.

  Howard asked if she knew Chris at all. Brandi said she didn't but she saw one of their last shows. Howard said he has to send her clips from the show when Chris was on. He said he was a nice guy and a handsome guy. He said talk about going to rock star school. He said he had it all. Brandi said what a loss.

  Howard said today's show was so great. Brandi said that they have to come see her in November at Carnegie Hall. Robin said she'll work on getting Howard there. Howard said she's going to do the whole album ''Blue'' there. Brandi said she'll do more than that. She said they can be her guests. Howard asked if she'd be insulted if he showed up in a HazMat suit. Brandi said not at all. She said she would be surprised. She said that she's only going to do that ''Blue'' that one time there so that's it. She said this is going to be it. Robin said they can build a bubble there. Howard said he hasn't left his house. He said he hasn't had a cold in 2 years. He said it's unbelievable. He said people are a pain in the ass.

  Howard asked if she can come to his house and perform the whole album ''Blue'' in his back yard. He said maybe just his wife and a few friends. He said he's going to let her go. He said he knows that she got up early. Brandi said she's eating a Dunkin Donuts Boston Cream so she's fine. Howard asked if Eddie Vedder ever visits Mike at the Yurt. Brandi said no but she did hang out with him the other day and it was killer. She said she flubbed one lyric though so she'll never forgive herself. She said she screwed it up and it's all over the internet now but she can't forgive herself. Howard said he hates that feeling. She said that she and Howard have a lot in common actually. Howard said she might go cuckoo if she's hanging around him. He said that his shrink can talk him down pretty quickly if he's having problems.

  Brandi said she was a disaster. Howard asked what she means by that. Brandi said she just lived inside her head. She said she's past all of that now. She said she has those damn kids now so she doesn't think about herself.

  Howard asked how old her daughter Evangeline is. She said she's 7. Howard said he loved that age with his kids. Brandi asked if she should stop at 2 kids or have more. Howard said he stopped at 2 but then he had one more and she's a great kid. He said he should bring them to her show. He said Ashley is a big Joni Mitchell person. He said he's going to let her go finish her donut.

  Howard said thanks for coming on today and told Brandi how amazing she is. Howard said he wants to get back out to L.A. to the studios out there. He said he wants to go out there to visit his daughter. He said they could do a few shows out there. He said there are people running around not worrying about the COVID thing. Robin said they were outdoors. Howard said they weren't. He said they had a green room outside.

• Fan Feedback, Chess And More. 10/05/21. 10:40am
  Howard said he should end the show. He said Brandi was spectacular. Robin said she had chills when she hit that note. Howard wondered if she never plays at home or plays all the time for the kids.

  Howard said he's looking at the phones and people have questions. He went through some of the comments and questions that were on the screen. Howard said go get that new album.

  Howard said someone wants to play chess against him. He said he's been trying to play online but people are such assholes. He said that he was playing a guy the other day and he was playing blitz chess. He said that someone from Argentina or Scotland was playing. He said he was kicking this guy's ass really bad. He said this guy had 5 minutes on the clock and he didn't resign. He said he just left the game and let the 5 minutes run out. He said he made him wait until that 5 minutes ran down. He said he wanted to fly to Argentina to kick the guy's ass.

  Howard said he's not sure what the difference is but he didn't want to give him the satisfaction of beating him. He said he was so busy he didn't have time to play chess. He said the guy is a troll. He said he will never visit Argentina.

  Howard said that guy was a douche. He said you have to man up and show that you can lose. He said he hopes that shitty yurt he lives in falls on the guy.

  Howard said he got off yelling and screaming. Robin said she can't figure out why he can't find someone to play against who has integrity. Howard said it's online. He said if he knew who he was playing the guy would probably want to play against him another time. He said that's the bullshit with fame.

  Howard took the call from the guy who wanted to play against him. He said he's sure that Greg would beat his ass. Greg said it would be cool to play his idol. Howard said he's not going to do it. He said that everyone on the internet is an asshole. He said they cheat so what's the point. He hung up on Greg.

  Robin said he needs a club. Howard said he used to play in a club and he got beaten by a 12 year old. He said this little punk beat him and he left humiliated.

  Howard said they should get out of there. He said they can talk more tomorrow. He said that Robin dated a guy who played chess. He said that he never got to play him. Robin said they did play on the air but that didn't work. Howard asked if she ever hears from him now. Robin said when she's done with someone she's done.

  Howard said he gets curious about people he dated and wonders how they are. He said that he didn't have negative feelings. Robin said she didn't either. She said that she just moves on. Robin said she had one guy who thought that they could rekindle things but there was no way that was happening. Robin said she has had dinner with ex boyfriends before but they just seem like friends and not love interests.

  Howard thanked Brandi again for coming on today. He gave her some plugs. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:55am.

• Ronnie Discussions. 10/06/21. 7:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: An announcement about Cocktober celebrations happening today.

  Howard started the show talking about Cocktober and singing along with the song parody they had for the show theme song. Howard said he was laughing a lot about Ronnie earlier. He said he got an email from Jimmy Kimmel yesterday and it all started then. He said he was doing his thing and he saw that Jimmy wrote ''He really has a way with words.'' He said Ronnie wrote ''Yeeeeah! IT'S TITTY TUESDAY!!!!'' He said Ronnie wrote it in all caps of course. He said he wrote Jimmy back and said something back and they were going back and forth about him. He said he was writing about Ronnie being so out of touch. He said Jimmy wrote that Ronnie knows what he likes and he won't let the world get in the way of it. He said he loves titties and in the middle of the week. He said he's right.

  Robin said Ronnie isn't running anything and doesn't have employees to abuse. Howard said Jason was reading what Ronnie was writing the rest of the week. He said Jason said on 9/11 he wrote something. He said you have to hear this.

  Jason said he capitalizes most of his stuff. He said he wrote a comment on 9/11 and some of it was in caps and some not. Howard said sometimes Ronnie just posts an oily ass on Twitter. He said he's not sure how long before he will have an inappropriate tweet. Jason said that Ronnie did tell someone to fuck off pretty soon after posting on 9/11. Jason said he asked someone why they tagged him in another tweet on 9/11. He said then he was posting a lot of NASCAR stuff. He said it's either that or tits.

  Howard said what Ronnie is up to now is something pervy. He said he just became aware of it this morning. He said he used to tell people it was Titty Tuesday and people would respond with photos. He said it turns out that he gets titty pictures and keeps them to himself. He said he doesn't retweet them. He said it's like it's all for him. Ronnie said he puts them out. Jason said he only posts one. Ronnie said he favorites them. He said that's what he does. He said if you do that then people see them. Jason said they should take his blue check mark away from him.

  Howard said he's not sharing them. Ronnie said he is. He said that's bullshit. Howard asked if he has it wrong. Jason said not at all. He said he puts out the highlight of the week and that's it. Ronnie said you do see them. Jason said it doesn't put them out if you only favorite them. Ronnie said they go on his page. Howard said he doesn't even know what he's doing. Ronnie said it shows what he likes on his page. Howard said he wants to see those pics if he's following him. He said if you retweet them everyone sees them. He said if you favorite it then they don't see it. Ronnie said they do. Howard said he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. Ronnie said okay then he doesn't know what he's doing.

  Ronnie said all he knows is that his friend Jimmy is obsessed with him. Howard said they do talk a lot about him. He said Ronnie was tweeting out that it was Titty Friday and Thong Friday on the same day. He asked how he can have that. Ronnie said you can have them on the same day. He said sometimes you have to mix it up.

  Jason said Ronnie keeps it consistent when he does the same things on each day of the week. He said that it's always Good Munday and then Titty Tuesday. Howard asked if he ever thinks that he should calm down a little bit with that stuff. He said his grand kids might be watching that stuff. Ronnie said they know what's going on.

  Fred did his Ronnie puppet voice and had Ronnie making up other days. Howard asked why he's still in the rental house. Ronnie said they're in there until the end of October. He said they're moving into the new place after that. Howard said he asked the guys what's going on with him. Ronnie said he's doing fine. He said everything is great there.

  Howard said the guys said to him that Ronnie is waiting for his furniture. He said he thought he bought new stuff. He said it turns out that he's still waiting for his old furniture. Ronnie said it went into storage. He said it's stored in New York. Howard asked why he didn't store it in Vegas. Ronnie said you have to hire two moving companies. Howard said he'd still have to move it to storage. He said he'd still have to pay twice. Ronnie said no you don't. He said he paid one price for this storage. He said it's the same company. He said you have to give notice. He said then they move it across country.

  Howard said JD said to him that they're going to find Brian Laundrie before they find Ronnie's furniture. Howard said he thought that was funny. He said he wanted to get Dog the bounty hunter on that. Ronnie said they're so smart.

  Howard said he knows what happened. He said he went out last night so he's cranky. Ronnie said he didn't go out last night. He said he went out Monday night. He said he went to dinner. Howard asked how late he was out. Ronnie said he was back at 10 to 8. He said everyone knows his fucking business. He said they have it all figured out. Howard said Ronnie must have been drinking. Ronnie was he didn't drink at all. Fred was making fun of Ronnie and Ronnie said he'll be laughing at everyone when they have 10 feet of snow out there.

  Howard said he heard Ronnie didn't have a garbage can to put his garbage in because it got stolen. Ronnie said he found one. He didn't want to talk about it so he moved on.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie has pictures of him that he doesn't want him to show or what. He asked why he licks his ass. He said his attitude is shit. He said he doesn't get why he has him on. He said no one talks to Howard that way. Howard said Ronnie knows. Ronnie told the guy to go fuck himself. He said they're all over his back so he's fighting back. He told the guy he's a jealous fuck. The caller said he's on fire every time they talk to him. He said he's genuinely interested and Ronnie gets pissed every time. Ronnie told him to stop listening and go drive his car. Howard said he did make Ronnie a star and he does kind of comes off a little harsh.

  Howard answered a knock on the door and it turned out to be fake Dan Rather who was outside of a U-Haul on 95. He said it's labeled ''Lets fuck some whores'' so it must be Ronnie's. He told Howard what appears to be in there and it was stuff that might be Ronnie's. Dan said there is a large bottle of lube and it got on the engine. He said that a cock ring got stuck in the lighter outlet and caused a small fire. Howard let Dan go after that.

  Howard said he has an article about something that might be a goof. He said it says that men who ejaculate 21 times a month slash their risk of prostate cancer by a third. Howard said he doesn't think he does it that much. He said Ronnie may not even do that. He asked Ronnie how many times a week he fucks. Ronnie said it depends on how tired Stephanie is. He said it's at least 3 times a week. Howard said that's just 12 times a month then. He said he's not sure who is hitting 21. He said he could probably hit 21 but he's not sure how he'd get there. He said he could bang Beth and then do it himself the next day. He said then he won't want to bang her for 3 nights. He said Ronnie says he can bang every day. He said he can't do that. He said he has to take a day between. Howard said he has to think these things through.

  Howard asked if Ronnie gets close to 21. Ronnie said he did try to figure it out in August and he came up with something like 14 or 15 times that month. Howard said he's not sure how anyone is getting to 21 if Ronnie isn't getting there.

  Howard said maybe younger guys are getting there. He said as you get older you risk prostate cancer. He said they're saying you have to get the poison out. He said your load is killing you. Robin said Dr. Agus says that these bodies were only supposed to last 40 years. Howard said someone said we're in a meat suit and that freaked him out. He said that's all we are. He said we're just meat with a brain inside.

  Howard said if Ronnie only gets to 17 then there's no hope for him. He said his dad never had prostate cancer and he figured he must have been jerking it off a lot. He said he had a lot of spank material.

  Howard said Ronnie said the most sexual guy he knows and he's not hitting that number. He said when he was younger he must have been blowing loads all over. Ronnie said he must have been that way all the time. He said he got caught by his father with a chick when he was like 10 or 11 years old. He said they were dry humping on the couch. Howard asked how often he thinks about sex. Ronnie said with Twitter you can go in the bathroom and look at pictures. He said there are sites you can see live porn. He said it's all free. He said there are 2 minute sex scenes that you can watch. He said he'll check it out while he's taking a dump. He said it's all over and it's crazy stuff. He told Howard and Robin about some of the stuff he watches.

  Howard asked if he likes the black dudes fucking white girls with big dicks. Ronnie said it's just weird to see how big their dicks are and the girls just take them in. He said they take the whole thing in. He said it looks like they're in so much pain they're about to die. He said you can see sometimes that bulge in their stomach when they're getting fucked. Howard said he wishes something would poke through when he did it.

  Howard asked if he thinks it's a racist thing where they have black guys fucking white chicks. Ronnie said they're not all like that. Howard said the guys who are into that though. Ronnie said there's a site called StoneRock where they have all kinds of porn. He said there's also Brazzers. He said they put up a lot of shit.

  Howard asked what Ronnie thinks it means psychologically that white guys like to see big cocks on black guys going into white chicks. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said he'll joke around with Stephanie and he'll show her one of the clips he she thinks it's ridiculous. He said she'll say it hurts and shit. He said that he doesn't know what the deal is.

  Howard asked if he ever gets embarrassed by what he watches. Ronnie said not at all. Howard said he does. He said he tells Beth he doesn't do that stuff. Ronnie said he doesn't jerk off. He said he just watches it to get worked up for Stephanie.

  Howard said Ronnie follows something called UberDrivingSlut on Twitter. Ronnie said she fucks guys in the back of her car. He said they fuck on the hood of the cab or whatever. Howard asked if she's hot. Ronnie said she's alright. He said she seems older to him.

  Howard asked if every clip is her fucking in the car. Ronnie said sometimes she takes them home.

  Howard asked about some of the other people that Ronnie follows on Twitter. Ronnie told Howard about some of them and one of the girls may have worked at Scores years ago. He didn't remember exactly who they were. Howard said Ronnie is so sexed up.

  Howard asked Ronnie if he would say that titties and chicks are his number 1 thing other than NASCAR. Ronnie said he would say that it is. He said he would think so. Howard asked if he would say that 50-60 percent of the day he thinks about sex. Ronnie said maybe. He said he'll be watching TV and it'll pop into his head. Howard said his libido is incredible. He said that he thinks about painting or chess most of his day but this guy is all about sex.

  Robin said Howard is thinking about the women on TV too. Howard said it's not 50 percent of his day though. He said it's really amazing what he can do.

  Howard said he doesn't know anyone like Ronnie. Robin said that he doesn't talk to everyone though. She said these executives get kicked out of their jobs because of what they do at work. Ronnie said he's not doing anything like that. Robin said they must be thinking like Ronnie at work though. Howard said Charlie Rose was showing his cock at work so that's wild. He said he thinks about Charlie sometimes. He said that dude had a pedigree. He said he had his own show and all of this stuff going on. He said then you think about it and he just wants to be Ronnie. Ronnie said that's what he should have been doing instead of having his cock out.

  Howard said Ronnie is honest about it all. He said a lot of dudes are walking around in private with their junk out. He said they're doing weird shit. Ronnie said he only does it at home with his girl. Howard said Beth asked if he thinks they'll ever get married and he said no. He said he thinks that ship has sailed. He said they got engaged how long ago? Ronnie said he doesn't remember. He said it's got to be 4 or 5 years. He said he thinks that's it.

  Howard said Ronnie doesn't hide his perviness. Ronnie said it's not that pervy. He said he doesn't do that stuff at home. He said there are ways of letting out your sexual shit without being a weirdo about it.

  Howard asked if Ronnie watched the Yankees and Red Sox yesterday. Ronnie said no. Howard said he was watching Morning Joe and Mika this morning and they were talking about the Yankees and Red Sox. He said they go on for 15 minutes about things he doesn't care about. He said get to the news instead of baseball. He said he doesn't give a fuck.

  Ronnie said he does that with NASCAR. Howard said he'll never understand that. He said he drove for a living and he likes to watch guys driving around in a circle. He said he told him to get away from it. He said Ronnie loves it though. Ronnie said he went to a race out there already. He said that was a couple of weeks ago.

  Howard asked how long you sit there watching cars going around and around. Ronnie said he hung out with Kurt Busch. He said then they get into the suite with food and drinks and all of that. He said you're on top of the track and you can hang out and have a good time. Howard asked if he watches the race. Ronnie said definitely. Robin asked how long they are. Ronnie said they were there for close to 4 hours. Howard said he puts it on TV and it seems to go on forever. Ronnie said they got rained out this weekend so they didn't run the race until Monday.

  Howard said you know it's not a sport if Kurt can hang with Ronnie before the race. He said that football players aren't doing that.

  Howard asked who was there in the suite with him. Ronnie said it was friends and sponsors. Howard said the live he's given this guy is wild. He said it's like he gave him eternal life like a vampire. He said he's hanging out in the suite like it's nothing. Ronnie said he's just answering his questions. He said he's not sure why he's putting it down. Howard said don't be so nasty with him. He said he gave him a life that kings don't live. Ronnie said he's not hanging with Kurt in the booth.

  Howard said when he goes on a TV show he doesn't hang with anyone. He said he needs to prep. Ronnie said it's like 2 hours before the race that he hangs with Kurt. He said he has obligations so he can't hang with them. He said he has to go do things with sponsors and families and friends.

  Howard said Ronnie is so nasty to him because he has a lot of famous friends now. He said he's the one getting him in the door. Ronnie said Howard isn't into NASCAR though so why would he bring that up. Howard said he really gets what he just said. Ronnie said he got to be friends with Kurt through Kevin Harvick. Howard asked if he was hanging with them before the show. Ronnie said he gets him all riled up.

  Howard said Ronnie told Kurt that he can't remember the last time he was invited by Howard to a luxury suite. Ronnie said he kicked him out of his house before he even got there.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that he's like Ronnie and he can't stop thinking about sex all day long. He said he would say that he beats off like 40-50 times a month. Ronnie said he would rather wait to have sex so he's not beating off. The caller said he's hitting that number. Howard said he's low for the prostate number. Ronnie said he thinks he's fine. He said everything is working fine. Howard said it's just about the study. Ronnie said he'll work on it. The caller said he has a wife and he gets her like 7-8 times a month. The rest is jerking off.

  Howard said the experts are saying that you have to do it like 21 times. He said guys are gross.

  Ronnie said Stephanie came to him the other night and asked how he's so horny all the time. Howard said that's what he keeps asking. He asked what Ronnie said. Ronnie said she has this new thing now. He said they're in this place temporarily so when they're watching TV she'll disappear and she'll come out with no bra on and panties. He said that he blames her for being so horny. Howard said he blames his wife too. He said she wears something sexy to him and he tells her that they have to have sex. He said that she isn't dressed in something fancy but it turns him on. He said she wears it to turn him off but it doesn't work.

  Ronnie said the funny part is that the bedroom they sleep in is against the wall so they bang up against the wall when they're doing it. He said now he takes her to the guest bedroom so they're not up against a wall. He said that's where they end up doing it. He said they do it on the couch too. He said it's kind of a condo townhouse. Howard said you can hear right trough the wall. He said it's so annoying.

  Ronnie said one of the America's Got Talent people who was on when Howard was on the show. He said they live downstairs from them so they're always rehearsing. He said they can hear them at 5 in the morning rehearsing. Howard said fuck them. He said he lived with people like that. He said he was at war with them. He said he had to get out of that place. He said he was so pissed.

  Ronnie said they have a lot of transient people there in this place. Howard asked if the America's Got Talent people know Ronnie. Ronnie said the guy who rented the place to them told them about it. He said they had just moved in a couple of months before them.

  Howard said he was out for a walk the other day and this guy came running up to him. He said he called his name and said he knew him from America's Got Talent and he was a contestant. He said he changed his life and he wanted to thank him. Howard said he did remember the guy. He said he's a mentalist. He said he was really good. He said Beth was saying they should go check him out when this COVID thing is over. He said he can't remember his name. He said the guy was really nice about it. He said he changed his life. He said this guy is doing great from what he heard. Howard said he was shocked. He said he started a conversation with him. He said he asked when he started the act and he said he was like 11.

• Missing People And Dancing With The Stars. 10/06/21. 7:55am
  Howard wrapped up with Ronnie. He said he's waiting on his furniture out there in Vegas. He said they have Dog the Bounty Hunter on the case trying to find it. He said he was thinking about this Dog the Bounty Hunter thing and what a circus that whole Brian Laundrie thing is. He said they keep turning up dead bodies instead of finding this Brian guy. He said he's not sure what it is but they keep finding bodies. He said everyone is looking for attention for these missing person cases. Robin said there is an epidemic of women being killed and disappearing that doesn't get attention. Howard said she's right. He said the bodies are turning up left and right.

  Robin said when they find a serial killer who kills prostitutes they usually kill a lot before they find them. Howard said they get tips on this stuff and find more bodies in the areas that they're looking for Brian Laundrie. Howard said bodies keep turning up.

  Howard said for every white chick that goes missing they find 50 other bodies in different ethnicities.

  Howard answered a knock on the door and it turned out to be fake Harrison Ford who was up in his plane looking for Gabby Petito. He said people think he's a tired old man but he's going to show them. He was talking to Howard and fell asleep before the sound of his plane going down came on.

  Robin said they're making another Raiders of the Lost Ark movie with him in it. Howard said he never really got into those. He said they may have waited too long to get to it.

  Howard said he and Beth were watching that Love on the Spectrum show. Robin said she's been watching Squid Games. Howard said that turned him off so he didn't watch it. Robin said she's oddly compelled to watch it. She said the Netflix stock is going up because of it. Robin said it was number 1 in 90 countries. She said that means that more people had to subscribe and that's where Netflix was struggling.

  Howard said he knows a lot of people use other people's logins for Netflix. Robin said that they have started to crack down on that.

  Howard said they say that NBC News is reporting that there have been Brian Laundrie sightings. He said they say that they have multiple sightings in North Carolina. They haven't been able to find him yet though. Robin said she has seen the pictures and you can't tell if it's him or not.

  Howard said this guy is kind of a survivalist. He said that he might be able to make it out in the woods. He said he doesn't think he's getting out of this whole thing though.

  Howard said he was watching Dancing with the Stars and it was Britney Spears night. He said that they had a lot of songs that he's never heard of. He said that he knew Toxic. He said there were a couple he knew but not all of them. Howard and Robin talked about the stuff they knew. Howard said people get charged up when they dance to songs they know. Fred played some of the songs they were talking about.

  Howard danced to some of the songs Fred was playing. He said he's happy she's free. He said that her father sounds like a real trip. He said he knows a lot of fucked up dudes in show business and their parents don't have a conservatorship. He said it's a girl thing. Robin said that her father was willing to give it all up and she got engaged as soon as that was done. Howard said the first thing he saw her do was get on Instagram fully naked. He said the body looks nice. He said she's so naked on Instagram that it's almost like illegal porn. He said you can't see the vagine. He said that she's so naked that it's like when criminals are taking photos and they don't know it. He said she looks nice.

  Robin said her whole argument was that she wants to get married and have more kids. Howard said it looks like every day is titty Tuesday over there.

  Robin said on Dancing with the Stars Olivia Jade did a great dance last night. Howard said who cares though. He said that people resent what she did to get into college. He said he won't get into that whole story. He said the first lady up was a woman who danced on Broadway. He said she's a professional dancer. He said she's been on Broadway dancing. He said there's another woman who was a kid dancer. He said that Spice Girls woman is a dancer too. He said it's ridiculous.

  Robin said that Olivia Jade never studied anything. She said she pulled off a great tango last night. Howard said great. He said that's our country. He said you cheat to get into college and then live your best life on Dancing with the Stars. He said it's not Dancing with the Dancers. He said he's calling bullshit. He said he got all steamed up about it but then he turned on Love on the Spectrum. He said he bitches about everything but those kids trying to find love are autistic and it has to be tough. He said the shit they have to go through is tough.

  Howard said he watches the show and it makes you grateful for what you have. He said what these people go through is tough. He said it's a fucking drag. He said they all want love. Howard said they have this one chick on the show who almost passes for having no situation. He said then it comes out. He said a lot of these people will date whoever they can and don't care if it's a man or woman. Robin said maybe there aren't preferences and most of us don't explore. Howard said he's not feeling any gayer being without society for 2 years.

  Howard said this women on the show figures out how to get them dates and she's way nicer than anyone he's ever met.

  Howard said the parents are great with the people too. Robin said you have to be or it doesn't work.

  Howard said the worst part of the show is the parents. He said that you wonder who will watch the kids when they pass. Robin said she sees that all the time. She said they keep them in a dependant state their entire lives. Howard said that's how he was kept. He said he has no idea what's going on. He said he's pretty sure he's on some kind of spectrum. Robin said just look at how contagious COVID is and two people got it on Dancing with the Stars and they were vaccinated. She said this guy is dancing in the dark because he's stuck in a room with COVID. Howard said they took a Peloton instructor to dance on that show. He said they can't get real celebrities to go on that show.

  Howard said he has to take a break. He said he'll come back after a few words. He did a live commercial read and went to break.

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• Nicula's Tantric Sex Annoys Howard. 10/06/21. 8:20am
  After the break they played a phony phone call Sal and Richard made to a taxi service using Dr. Ruth audio clips. They played a Triumph the Insult Comic Dog intro for Cocktober and Bad Company's ''Can't Get Enough.''

  Howard came back and said he can't sand when people sing along to the songs at concerts. Robin said she sings at concerts. She said that she was singing so loud at a Paul McCartney concert that Jennifer Aniston turned around to see who it was. Howard said he turns and looks at people too. He said he paid to hear the concert, not you. Howard said this is such a good song. He said he hates when the lead singer points his microphone at the crowd. He said the guy is a good singer though.

  Howard took a call from a guy named Nicula so he asked what that means. The guy explained what it means in India. He said he's not Indian himself but he was given that name by a guy from India. Howard asked what's up. Nicula said he has a lifestyle that stops you from ejaculating because it can drain men's nutrients. He said that it shows a big difference in their life. He said he only ejaculates once every 90 days or so. He said that he's married and he can last as long as he wants in the bedroom. He said when you ejaculate all the time it drains you. Howard said now he's making up science. The guy said he's not. Howard said he is.

  Howard said even before the Mick Jagger show he was going to beat off so he could sleep but he didn't do it so he could stay on his game. He said they were reading about what doctors are saying about how to keep you from getting prostate cancer. He said it has nothing to do with the psychology of the whole thing. He said they're saying it's better to get that shit out of you. Nicula said he gets that but there are studies that show that too much ejaculation is not good. Howard asked where those studies are. Robin said there are studies. Howard asked if they're on Facebook. Nicula said there are medical studies that show that it's not good. Howard said he doesn't care. He said the study he believes is the one that says that if you ejaculate more then you have less chance of getting prostate cancer.

  Howard asked Nicula if he teaches guys to not ejaculate. Nicula said he teaches Tantra. Howard said he knows what that is. He said this guy doesn't cum for 90 days and then fucks his wife and he can last for more than a half hour. Nicula said oh yeah.

  Robin said he's saying that he can have full sex and not ejaculate. Howard said there's something wrong with this guy then. He asked why anyone would want to do that. Nicula said anyone who wants to retain their energy. Howard said get the fuck off his phone. Robin asked what he has done for them with that energy. Nicula said he's taking care of his wife and teaching other guys how to do it. Howard said he doesn't have time for this. He let Nicula go. Howard took some calls from fake callers who were goofing on Nicula.

• Tina's Threesome Update. 10/06/21. 8:35am
  Howard took a call from a woman, Tina, who said that she called a couple of weeks ago about the threesome. She said that she has an update about the threesome that she had. Robin corrected her on her grammar and Howard said forget about trying to teach people that. He said it's okay because Tina is hot and she's having a threesome.

  Tina said they had a girl come over a couple of weeks ago and she went down on her. She got into that much of the story and Howard and Robin were talking about how the grammar thing gets them right out of it. Howard said she's a lot smarter off the air.

  Howard asked Tina if she's really hot. Tina said she could send a picture in. Howard said he just wants guys to get into it. Tina said her boyfriend yelled at her for not explaining herself last time. She said she's cute and she gets hit on every time she goes out. She said she's Armenian so she has that exotic look. Howard said he had a date with a chick in college who was Armenian. He said she squirmed around a lot when they made out. He said he had to get out of there. He said it was weird. Howard said he ended up kicking her out. He said he just got weirded out.

  Tina said the girl they were with was acting weird. She said that she was moaning while jerking her boyfriend off. She said that they finished things up to get rid of her. Howard said that's crazy.

  Tina said the girl went down on her and then her boyfriend was fucking her from behind. She said that she ended up moaning and they found it weird so there was a time when they weren't touching her at all. She said it was weird the way she kept moaning. She said they were looking at each other and she almost started laughing at her moaning at nothing. Howard said maybe she was turning into a wolf.

  Howard said Ronnie saw a picture of this Tina. Ronnie said he didn't see her. He said he was just commenting to someone that Armenian chicks have hairy pussies. He said that's all he was saying. Tina said not at all. She said they have hair all over their bodies so they do have to maintain. Howard said he was about to goof on Ronnie but he was right. He said he's a fucking genius. Ronnie said you have to check out these porn sites.

  Tina said when she called in last time she talked about Ronnie and her boyfriend said that he'd watch Ronnie fuck her. Howard asked if he'd just watch. She said that he likes to watch her be with another guy so he'd just watch. She told Howard about what she's done with guys in front of her boyfriend. Howard said he'd be so upset if Beth did that. He said he can't do that. He said he doesn't think Ronnie wants that. He said he'd want her in the room with Stephanie but not with another dude. He said he has his own ideas. Ronnie said it's kind of creepy while a guy is doing that. Howard said that's Ronnie saying that it's creepy. He said even Ronnie thinks her boyfriend is a creep. Tina said that he doesn't jerk off. She said she'll blow him after the other guy is doing her.

  Ronnie said he wonders what happened to that guy who was waiting for weeks to do the threesome. Howard said he's sure nothing happened there.

  Howard asked Tina what happened with this girl. Tina said she got this girl from Tinder and they went upstairs. She said she usually has the girl make her cum first. Howard asked how you trust that she's not trying to rob the house with some dude. Tina said that's funny he said that. She said the house is kind of large and they have security cameras around the house. She said they're not concerned with that. She said her boyfriend has had that before. She said that he had the boyfriend of this girl come try to rob him but the cameras and the dog scared him off. She said she wouldn't do it if they didn't have cameras.

  Howard asked if she had a conversation with her beforehand. She said that they did flirt on the app. She said within 15 minutes of getting her in the house they were doing stuff. Howard said that's crazy. He said this is with COVID going on too. He said Chris Rock is the funniest dude. He said he just got over COVID and he said it's almost as hard as being black but not quite as hard. He said people are taking all kinds of risks.

  Howard said this girl comes over and Tina takes her to the bedroom. Howard asked what she was wearing. Tina said it was just a shirt and jeans. She said the panties are always cute. She said she had matching panties. Howard asked who she looked like. Tina said Alyssa Milano. Howard said that's pretty good. He said imagine grabbing a girl that looks that good off the internet. He asked if she had a nice body. Tina said she did. Howard said no one ever looks like Mama Cass in these stories. He said they look like Alyssa Milano and Charlize Theron.

  Howard asked how tall the girl was. Tina said like 5'6'' or 5'7'' or so. She said she was taller than her. Howard said then you bring her upstairs and then ask her to take her clothes off? Tina said they start kissing and touching boobs and stuff. She said then they take shirts off and kissing boobs. She said then she takes her pants off. She said the boyfriend was downstairs so they can get familiar with each other.

  Howard asked if they smoked any weed together. Tina said she doesn't do that stuff. She said her boyfriend does a little. Tina said then her boyfriend came in and he'll slide it into the other girl. She said then the party is on. Howard said this is no bullshit. She said she's okay with it as long as there's a condom. She said there's no kissing going on so it's not intimate. Robin laughed. Tina said that guys need to mate so it's not personal for a guy to fuck a girl. She said that it's different if a woman is doing a man. Howard said that he gets very emotional if he puts his penis in a girl. He said he feels very intimate when his penis is inside of her. Ronnie said he does too.

  Tina said that she doesn't let him kiss her. He just does it doggy style. Howard said he's in love with a girl as soon as he's doing it doggy style. He said she's playing with fire. Ronnie said the making out part is the fun part. Howard said if Stephanie is making out with another chick he can't just put his dick in there. Ronnie said he wants the whole thing. He said it's not fun for him.

  Howard said he respects that women want him behind them. He said that way they don't have to see his face. Robin said he's too funny.

  Howard said it's unbelievable what she's saying. He asked if it's just a one shot deal. Tina said it is and it lasts an hour or two. She said it's more her than him. She said when he's done he wants her out. She said they just do it once. She said it's typically that way. She said her boyfriend is great in bed and has a big dick so she doesn't want them falling for each other.

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked Tina about her boyfriend liking to watch her get fucked by other guys. Tina said yes. The caller said he's so far opposite of that. He said Howard has said he's not in that way too. He asked Tina where he's coming from with that. He asked how that turns him on. Howard said there is no explanation. He said you either dig it or not. He said that if he was with a woman he doesn't want another dude in the room. The caller said that he just wants to know what it is that gets him off. Tina said that she's his woman and he's watching her play with another guy so he's thinking that he's allowing her to do things with the other guy. She said it's a form of control. She said he explains it so much better. She said her boyfriend dominates her and claims her back.

  Howard said her boyfriend is on the line. He said this is for real. He got Paul on the line and that was Tina's boyfriend. Howard had the caller ask Paul about this whole thing. Paul said it's just sexy as fuck. He said he doesn't know what it is. He said it's just the sexiest thing in the world. He said there are guys who ask her to marry them right away. He said that people tell him to marry her. He said most people have a normal relationship and they have sex for 50 years of their life. He said that you're on repeat every day. He said everyone wants that but no one wants that. He said that you want to go outside the box. He said everyone watches porn and want that stuff. He said he's doing it. Howard said no one really wants that. Paul said that women think about what it would be like. He said if they see a guy or a girl they're into they'll bring them in and have some fun.

  Howard asked how big his dick is. Paul said it's 8 inches. robins said she thought he said 18. Paul said it's the size of a RedBull can. Howard asked if the girl was hot last night. Paul said she was weird. He said she was sucking his dick and groaning. He said she was making these noises. Howard said she probably couldn't breathe with the big cock in her mouth. Paul said she was groaning like animals do when they eat. He said it was weird. Howard said he would get weirded out by that too. Howard let Tina and Paul go after that.

• Congress Comes Together And The Cuckold Life. 10/06/21. 9:00am
  Howard said he has something that they might be interested in. He said there are men who enjoy watching their wives getting off with men. He said Wolfie recently interviewed some people who live the cuckold life. He said there's communities for everything out there. He said he's really enjoying this congress thing where they can't agree on anything but this Facebook stuff. He said everyone hates each other in congress except on this. He said they're all getting together on this Facebook and internet stuff so they can regulate it. He said it's all about social media. He said he thinks this is great because they used to do this to him. Robin said the other day they said they should get together on this on live TV. Howard said it's both the lefties and the religious right. He said they tried to get him off the air and it's such a bullshit issue. He said it's all about what they can do where all of them seem united. He said this is it. He said everyone was against Howard Stern back then. He said they thought he was the problem with this world. He said they're all going out and doing stuff in secret. He said they all ganged up on him and tried to get rid of him. He said it looked like curtains for him.

  Howard said he survived it and he chose to do 50 times worse than what they thought he could do. He said now Mark Zuckerberg is going through it. He said this sis what he went through. He said what Mark did was say bring on the regulations because he knows it's never going to happen. Robin said no matter what they do they can't get him. She said these are his own studies that they're bringing back to him. Howard said this is what he should have done. He said he should have studied his show and said he knows what to do.

  Howard said he was trying to burn down the house when they came after him. He said he figured if they were going to get him he was taking it all down. He said he was told that he'd be fired if he did certain things so he did them. He said the people at WNBC told him he was going to get fired if he did Bestiality Dial-A-Date so he did it. He said it was a dumb bit. Robin said the FCC got upset with them just talking about a guy playing piano with his penis. Howard said no one could see it other than him and Robin. He said that it was theater of the mind. He said then the NBC lawyer came down to see it and he said ''fuck you'' and told him to get out of the studio. He said he did what he wanted and he got fired.

  Howard said what he was saying is that he was America's common enemy. He said no one stood up for him other than Bernie Sanders and Al D'Amato. He said Anthony Weiner did too actually. He said he might have been whacking off to it. He said those three stood up for him. He said he will always dig those guys. He said D'Amato was a conservative. He said that Weiner was a liberal and Bernie was there too and he's not sure what he is. He said some would call him a communist.

  Howard said now they went to satellite and they fucked them all up. He said they don't have any control over that. He said thank god for the internet. He said now they can focus on that. He said they all love it and can't solve any problems meanwhile. He said they can't come together on bridges and roads but they do for social media. He said they can't get anything done but going after Facebook. He said he fucking loves Facebook. Robin said they even say it's hard for them to grasp what Facebook is. They just know they have to get rid of it. Howard said it's all about the lying that's going on. Robin said they put it on the kids. She said it's always about the kids.

  Howard said all the dummies are reading the ''fake news'' and getting all riled up.

  Howard said Wolfie met this couple and the woman is named Fawn. He said you don't hear that name much these days. He said it's Fawn and her partner Fritz have been dating for over 20 years. He said they have never had sex. He said Fritz loves to be humiliated by Fawn. He said that includes being forced to watch her have sex with other men. He said they're called Bulls. He said they like to humiliate the cuckold. Howard said he has some clips to play.

  Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to Fawn about what she does. She said she has a lover that she has sex with on a cage that Fritz gets into. She said they make fun of him.

  Howard said imagine some dude being into that. Robin said if they have never had sex then they're not boyfriend and girlfriend. Wolfie said the guy is in a cage under the mattress while she's getting banged. He said there are so many of these sex sites that you can get all of that stuff at.

  Howard said this is Fritz talking about what she does to him. In the clip Wolfie asked what he has been forced to do. Fritz said that he has had to consume her urine and she has eaten cum out of her ass. He said she has put her tampon in his mouth and made him suck on it. He said he's never had to eat it though.

  Howard and Robin said ''wow'' to that. Howard said if he was a woman and he had a guy like that he'd make him do chores and stuff. He said he wouldn't pay the guy. Howard asked if the woman is good looking. Wolfie said she is. He said that this guy will do anything he's told to do. He said she has him under her spell.

  Howard said imagine eating her out after another guy fucks her. Wolfie said the guy thinks that the build up to sex is better than the sex itself. He said he just thinks about it all the time.

  Howard said Wolfie called some of the Wack Pack to ask if they can be the bull in this relationship. Howard said High Pitch Erik fucked everything up. He said this is a slam dunk but he fucks it up. He said they told him to be aggressive but he was overboard aggressive. He said he got nutty. Howard played a clip of Erik talking to Fawn and telling her what he would do to her. He was getting too aggressive. Erik said he was going to stab the guy. He said he's an alpha male and he would stab him and beat the shit out of him.

  Howard said nothing turns a couple on more than getting stabbed. Robin said she had a feeling that he was going to get violent. Howard said he always does that. He said Fawn and Fritz were not impressed. He said they gave him a 1 on a scale of 10. He had some audio of Fawn talking about how she didn't like that one. She said he has no idea what a cuckold is. She said it's a hot thing but he was threatening him. She said he didn't know. Howard said Erik just can't get it right. Wolfie said they coached him and he still didn't get it right.

  Howard said next up was Jeff the Vomit Guy. He said he always blows it too. Howard played some audio of Jeff talking to Fawn and Fritz. He said Jeff gets off on women vomiting and he didn't take long to let them know about that. Jeff said he was going to make her vomit and he was going to get off and get a second load into her after she vomits. Fritz said that's disgusting. Jeff said that was erotic to him. He said the more he gets of that the more jerking off there is and the more cum there is.

  Howard said that guy is a fucking maniac. Wolfie said he's a loser's loser. Howard said he's a bore too. Howard said Jeff did better than Erik. He got a 3 on a scale of 10.

  Howard said he was listening to these in his office and Beth walked in. He said she asked what he was listening to. He said he told her not to worry about it. He said she doesn't get into that stuff.

  Howard said last up is Ass Napkin Ed. He said they weren't sure how he'd do. He said it turns out he was kind of a natural at it. He played the clip and Ed told them what he would do to them. Ed said that he wants her to blow him and he'll spit it out and make him drink it. Fritz said he has done that before. Ed told Fritz what he was going to have to do and said he would make him cook for them and things like that. Fritz said that he would do that.

  Robin said he really was a natural. Howard said it was love at first disgusting sight. He said they had the X-factor. He said he knew what to say. Howard said Ed even asked Fritz to lick his ass worms. Howard said he's like a super hero. He said he's like Ant-Man telling him what to do for his worms. He said you'd think the guy would ask what he means by that. In another clip Fawn did ask what the worms were. Ed explained they're like pinworms. She suggested that Fritz should lick his ass then. Ed was all for it.

  Howard said he thought the ass worms would slow them down but not with Fawn. He said she was ready to work them into the whole thing.

  Howard said Fritz and Fawn rated Ed. He played a clip and Fawn said he's halfway there. She said he's like a 5 or 6. She said he was engaged and wanted to get involved. She said that's why he would be the best bull for her and Fritz. Fritz rated him a 6. He said that's if they dropped the ass worms whatever they were.

  Howard did his Ass Napkin Ed impression and had them rating him. Robin said that they gave him a 5 and 6. Howard had Ed telling them that he had a spider living in his ass crack too. He had rats, worms and spiders in there according to Howard's impression. He said he has a family of grubs living under his balls.

  Howard said Ed came in first place there. He thanked Wolfie for the report. Robin asked where he found them. Wolfie said there's a whole creepy community out there. He said the guy they played the ''Thank you, thank you'' clip from knew them. He said that's how he found out about them.

• Gretchen's COVID Scare And Kooks Speaking At School Board Meetings. 10/06/21. 9:30am
  Howard took a call from a woman who said she got the vaccine and she had COVID before. She said she had it in February of 2020. She said she got COVID going into the city on the train and coming back out on the Jitney. She said she has it pretty bad. She said she's been sick for like 2 weeks now. She said this is really real and she's really sick. Howard said he has to thank her for calling in. He asked if she has the Delta variant. The caller, Gretchen, said she's not sure because they didn't tell her. She said what she's seeing is that she had both vaccines and had COVID before and she's wearing a mask and going into the city and coming back home. She said that it's not just fine out there. She said it's very real that she has it and she's very sick.

  Howard asked what her symptoms are. Gretchen said that she has had something different every day. She said her eyes, feet and other parts are attacked every day. She said she has swelling and she can't breathe very well. She said she can feel the vaccine trying to fight it. She said she has congestion and things like that. She said she had the vaccine so she thinks that is helping. She said she'd be in the hospital if she didn't. She said she can feel it going through her body. She said she had it in 2020 and she's not sure why she's so susceptible to it. Howard said it's everywhere and that's why. He said he's so glad she called in. He said he wants his wife to hear this. He said she went out to lunch and he was nervous about it. He said it's a bitch. He said Chris Rock even had it. He said this is what people are saying. Gretchen said she has kids and she had to move her son away from her to make sure he doesn't get it. She said she wanted Howard to know all of this.

  Robin said there are a lot of people who think if they had COVID they don't have to get the vaccine. Gretchen said she was just on public transportation and she got it. She said they're not separating people anymore. She said this isn't gone yet. Howard said he has such a problem with the people who won't get the vaccine. He said they have to make people get it. He said they're not doing what's right for their country. He said it's all about the kids but the people who don't get vaccinated aren't for the kids. He said they're making the virus stronger.

  Howard said the TV shows are back and people are running around at games and stuff. He said this virus knows how it's going to defeat us and it's going to win.

  Gretchen said she feels like she'd be in the hospital if she didn't have the vaccine. She said you need to get it just to help fight it. Howard said the virus is winning. He said we're losing the war. He said he doesn't mean to be crude but are you good looking? Gretchen said she's wearing a t-shirt with panties on. Howard said that's healthy. He said that's good to help fight the virus. Howard asked who she looks like that's famous. Gretchen said she's trying to think. She said people have said she looks like Sheryl Crow. Howard said that's nice. He said that's a good look. Howard let Gretchen go a short time later.

  Howard said don't get him started with this stuff. He said he doesn't mean to quote the numbers but over 700,000 Americans have died from COVID already. Robin said only 56 percent if fully vaccinated. Howard said they had close to 100,000 new cases reported yesterday. Robin said in Alaska they have to make decisions on who to let die in hospitals because they're overwhelmed.

  Howard said this mother of 4 has died at the age of 40 after bragging that she was mask free. He read the article about the woman who died on September 15th. He said she had been battling COVID-19 and she was a mother of 4. He said she had been posting anti-vaccination and anti-mask before she got COVID and died.

  Howard said now they have a GoFundMe for her funeral expenses. Howard said those poor kids.

  Robin said its shocking that teachers are losing their jobs for not getting vaccinated. She said these people were in charge of teaching kids.

  Howard said he has tape of assholes who get up and yell and scream about COVID and masks. He said they're all scientists. He said they know everything. Howard said the country is divided and these meetings are getting really kooky. He said these people really shine at these events. He said it's so annoying. Howard said anyone intelligent out there won't be tolerated now.

  Howard said this is a clip from Lee County, Florida where this guy linked wearing masks to child sex trafficking. He said you can't see their faces so it shows the school board is for sex trafficking. Howard said this guy is basically calling them pedophiles for protecting kids with masks. He said all the good people are being scared to serve the public.

  Robin said look at Dr. Fauci. Howard said look at the people who stood up to Trump after the vote. He said he's sending out his minions to scream and yell at them that they know where they live. He said the kooks are going to take over. He said it's scary.

  Howard played a clip from another school board meeting where this woman said that there is no proof that this virus exists. She said that they will not experiment on her children. She said they only answer to god. She said if they vote yes then they're voting against humanity. She said that 800,000 children disappear in this country and there is no virus. The woman begged them to vote no on this. She said Trump won. Howard said he's not sure what's in the water in Kansas City.

  Howard said it's weird how they're tying it all in to Hollywood. Howard said he was mentioned in some article that said he's on the phone every day with Biden and planning how to kill people. Robin said she saw that. She said that it's Howard, Nancy Pelosi and Biden. Howard said he's never met those two but he'd like to.

  Howard said this woman claimed that Christians were going to take out all the demonic people on school boards across the country. Howard said he'd want to get off the board if he was listening to this. In the clip the woman was going off on her demonic rant and saying that the police who are in on this are going down as well. She said that they're all going down. They had to cut her microphone off.

  Howard said that came out of Lee County Florida as well. He did his impression of that woman and had her rambling about all of that nonsense.

  Howard said this is like when the Joker gets out of Arkham and gets the prisoners to team up. He said they should play these people off like they do at the Academy Awards. He said they should all be taken out in straight jackets. He said he almost wants to sit on a board and play people off with the Twilight Zone music. He said they don't do that anymore. He did his impression of a woman speaking and Fred played the Twilight Zone music.

  Howard played another clip of a guy screaming and yelling about his conspiracy theories. Howard said they think they can get more attention if they scream and yell. Fred played the Twilight Zone music as they were playing those clips.

  Howard said some people are so angry and crazy that they can't stay on message. He said this is a mom speaking at a school board meeting. He said the agenda was supposed to be about COVID but she was more concerned about a book that was available to kids. He played the clip and the woman mentioned this book and quoted some stuff in the book that was available in the high school. She was rambling on and on about the term ''corn hole'' that was mentioned in the book. They turned her microphone off but she kept going and going.

  Howard said it's pretty depressing all of this. Robin said yeah because we didn't know all of these nuts lived among us.

  Howard said this woman was kicked out of a Nordstrom Rack for not warning a mask. He said that she refused to give her name. He said she went viral for that. He played a clip of the police talking to her and she refused to give her name. She said that she is a woman of god and she did not sign up for this. She said she's sick of being bullied. They told her to turn around and put her hands behind her back.

  Howard said that lady was a candidate for the school board. He said she lost thank god. Robin said they will eventually get in. She said that's the problem.

  Howard said you can't see it but when you find these things he checks to see if the women are hot and they never are. He said it may not matter to Robin but it does to him. Robin said we're losing our democracy and our land. She said that they're going to take over. Howard said he starts to think they're making sense when they're hot.

  Howard said some people give a list of weird names. He said this is kind of funny. He said this is from Richmond, Virginia. He said the school board guy had to read them. He said they had Phil McCracken and Ophelia McCock and names like that. He said they tired to get Donkey Dick and Wanker in there too. He said they even slipped in Aaron Sorkin for some reason. Robin said that's because some people think he's a big liberal. Howard played the clip and the guy was reading names not knowing they were fake.

  Howard said he fully supports this fan going to a school board meeting in Illinois. He said they sprinkled in several show things. Howard played that clip and the guy got in some mentions of Jon Hein, Howard, Robin, Ronnie's ''stop the clock,'' George Takei things, Gary's ''Noine'' and things like that. Robin said they were well used references.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was on a school board before and it's kind of sad to hear all of this. He said it's sad listening to all of this. He said it takes 3 or 4 hours to go through it. He said he didn't last long because of all of the nonsense that you have to deal with. He said people won't wear masks and things like that so they have to shut them down. He said it's crazy times.

  Howard said once the school board gets taken down they ruin the school. He said the board is important and it shows that people are concerned at the school. He said then these whackos come in threatening you with physical harm. He said we're doomed. He said smart people with real jobs don't have time for this. He said we're letting the kooks take over. He said people don't stand up to do the right thing. He said the kooks are taking over and once that happens then come up with the best plan you can because it'll be like the Walking Dead out there. He said these people are assholes.

  Robin said she was listening to a guy from Great Britain and he was saying that the environment for invention is great here in the United States. She said that's why all of this innovation comes from here. She said once these people take over there won't be any innovation in the world. Howard said they're going to ruin our democracy. He said the minority is going to rule the majority. He said that's what we have going on here. He said we have to deal with the Mitch McConnell assholes out there because of that. He said we have too much representation for these little fucking states that are barely states. He said Hillary won the election by nearly 3 million votes and she didn't become president.

  Howard said these nuts think the pandemic isn't real. He said the dipshits are going to inherit the earth. He said he's not sure what to tell you to do. Robin said when they get in charge the usually have a ''kill the intellectual'' campaign. She said you wipe out anyone smarter than you. Howard said he won't worry since he got such low SAT scores. He said he purposely scored 900 on his tests.

• Calls And Fan Feedback. 10/06/21. 10:10am
  Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked how he can't sing at a concert. She said she sings. Howard said he has to set her straight. Howard said it's rude to sing. He said that people stand up to sing just to prove they know the words to a song. He said they want to show off. Mariann said he's wrong. Robin said you can play the record at home to yourself. Robin said at the concert it's the audience and the performer. Howard said he's not there to hear you sing along with Billy Joel. He said he doesn't want to hear you singing. He said he can't hear Billy over Mariann. Mariann asked how Billy could do a show and see people sitting there like a mummy. Howard said he caught himself singing and mouthed the words instead. He said imagine hearing Mariann singing behind you. Mariann was singing along to the song that Howard was playing. Howard hung up on her in the middle of that.

  Robin said she had Diana Ross come over to her at a dinner after the show and she told her that she really enjoyed seeing her enjoying her. Howard said she has a good voice at least. He said he'll listen to her.

  Howard said unless you're Brandi Carlile don't sing. He said he got a lot of mail about Brandi on the show. He said what a powerhouse that was. He said he should do some mail and get out of there.

  Howard said that people wrote in about Beth's lisp and the problems she's having. He said that he has someone on the phone who wants to talk about it. Howard took the call and the woman said it might be a yeast infection in the mouth and it can come from wearing a mask and low iron and things like that. She said she may have that iron deficiency. Howard said the dermatologist said it was contact dermatitis. He said he has been kissing her and he's worried that he's going to get it. The caller said she loves what they do for the cats. She said she loves them truly. Howard thanked her for that. He said he'll give his wife the tip.

  Howard said he went to his dentist last week and they have that locked down there. The caller said they do all of that stuff there too. Howard said his guy had it buttoned down. THE caller said that you're pretty safe at the dentist. Howard said from what he's read the can't trace anything back to any dentist visits. He said you should go. He said he felt pretty safe. He said he's not going to let his teeth fall apart.

  Howard said the dentist always tells him how clean his teeth are and they treat him like a little kid. He said he's so proud of himself. The caller asked what that routine is. Howard said he uses these Doctors Brush picks. He said he has them all over the house. He said he takes this thing and always has one in his mouth. He said he saves them and puts them in the recycle. He said they tell him that some people are disgusting when they show up at the dentist. He said he's not going to be one of them.

  Howard said Jason went to one of Tom Petty's last concerts and this is what you heard. He played a clip that Jason recorded there. Jason was yelling and screaming and singing along with the song. Howard said he's proving he knows all the words. He said he's pretty sure he could kick his ass. He said he gets annoyed at concerts and people are singing but he never says anything to anyone. He said he just turns around all defeated. He said he yelled at a guy once and his buddy Pat was there. He said he was a big shot because Pat could stick up for him.

  Howard said he loves watching the clips on Facebook where they have revenge stuff. He said he wants to see that and not conspiracy theories and masks. He said he wants to see weak looking people beat up other people. Howard said the algorithm makes sure he gets what he wants. Robin asked if he knows what that means. Howard said he does. He said he has been watching the hearings.

  Howard said he's not Sal. He said he didn't play this. He said Sal keeps saying he gets messages from birds. He said he has gotten so into the birds that he knows what kind of bird it is. He said they thought that he was bullshitting but it turns out he can identify the birds. He said he figured it out. Howard played a clip and Sal identified all of the birds they played for him. He said they gave him a bunch of birds to choose from and he got them all right.

  Howard said Sal doesn't know here the potato famine happened but he knows birds. He said he has been working on bird calls too. He said that's what he told him. Robin asked if he can do any bird calls. Sal did one which he said was a mocking bird. Howard asked what this is. He whistled and asked what that is. Sal said that's a parakeet. Howard did a parrot telling Sal he's an asshole. He said Sal was impressive with that bird stuff.

  Howard asked Sal what he says to the birds. Sal said he greets them in the morning. Howard said try doing some work.

  Howard said people wrote in about Jake Gyllenhaal. He said people wrote in about his movie too. He read some of that. Howard said that women talk about how good looking he is and how he has a great personality. He said it's really all about his looks. He said he had a good personality and it didn't matter. Robin said if she couldn't see him then she wouldn't be so attracted to him. Howard said that's what he's saying.

  Howard said he and Beth had their anniversary the other day. He said some people wrote in about that. He said people said that it's obviously real love after all this time. Howard said life is hard and love is important. He said Robin has him so she has love too.

  Howard said someone wrote in about Apples the caller. He said that he loved that conversation with him about Robin taking him to Ronnie's wedding as her plus 1. Howard read some of the feedback about that discussion. Someone said they can throw Lucky Charms at the wedding. Howard said that it would be wild if Robin fell in love with Apples and she married him. He said Ronnie would have to accept him. He asked if that's possible at all. Robin said she has never seen Apples and she's never been moved by him like she was with Jake Gyllenhaal. Howard asked if he looked like Jake would that help? Robin said that might change things. Howard said he has to get a picture of Apples. He said that Robin is good about what she's attracted to. Robin said she does have a wide range. Howard said she could fall for him. Fred played some clips of Robin talking about penises and stuff.

  Howard said Robin has been all over the spectrum. He said that he's going to get a picture of Apples for her. Howard said some people think Apples is weird and a stalker. He read through some of those comments. He said some people think he's a weirdo.

  Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to talk about Beth's problem. She said that she would suggest going to the dentist and it can be a yeast infection. She said she's a big fan of what they do with the cats too. Howard said a lot of people are saying it could be this yeast infection. He said it's painful but you don't really see it. He said Beth never goes to the doctor. He said she doesn't want to year it. He said she'll go eventually.

  Howard said he took Beth off of alcohol. He said she was drinking this new wine so he said it could be that and got her off of it.

  Howard read some feedback about Brandi Carlile and The Twins. He spent a little time talking about the songs and playing some audio of one of the songs she performed.

  Howard said his nips get hard hearing that song. He said he gets goose bumps. Robin said she ha them on her arms. She said her nips didn't get involved. Howard said he wants to see. He said he guarantees they're hard. He said look at his. He said that song has such an effect on him. He said it's right from the start. Howard said he's like a woman right now. He said his nips just cut through his shirt.

  Howard said he doesn't think of Brandi as country but some people think it is. He played some more audio from her performance of the Elton John song. People wrote in about how great that was too.

  Howard said he will never go to a concert with Robin again if she sings. Robin said she has been to a concert with him. Howard said she didn't sing though.

  Howard said people were wondering about Cocktober and why they're not celebrating it. Howard read some comments about that. He said they're looking for people to have a penis contest.

  Howard said Constantine Morales wrote a new Cocktober song. He said he went in with Steve Nowicki and did a new song. He played the song for Robin.

  Howard said not everyone was excited for Cocktober. He said some fans were praying for November. He read some comments about that. He said some people want warning before they talk about cock. He said someone said that the whole year is about cock so what's the difference.

  Howard said that some people like the new drop of Greta Thunberg saying ''Blah, blah, blah.'' Fred played that a few times. Howard said people like how he comes in with that. Howard asked if he's going to retire the other Greta clip. Fred said not at all. Fred played her saying ''How dare you!'' too. He said they're working on a new song parody with her saying ''Blah, blah, blah.'' He said it's not done yet but he played it. Howard read more comments about the drops and Fred threw them in again. Robin said that her name is pronounced ''Tunberg'' not ''thun.'' Howard said that he sees Thunberg and that's how he says it.

  Howard read more comments about Beth's problem with her lips. He said she'll figure it out eventually. He said she might have to take a multi vitamin. He said she might just be low on something. Howard said all of the celebrities are getting B vitamin in their asses out in Hollywood. He said that's what he saw out there a couple of years ago. He said he's not going to do that. Robin said they think they get so much energy from it. She said she got one and felt no different.

  Howard said they've done enough show for the day. He said they went over their allotted time. He did a live commercial read and wrapped up the show. They were done around 10:50am.

• Thursday Replay Show: Monday Encore. 10/07/21. 7:00am
  This morning's replay was an encore of Monday's Howard Stern Show. You can read details for all three live shows above. Here's what they played this morning:
  • Missing Coffee, David Lee Roth's Retirement And More. 10/04/21. 7:00am
  • Howard And Beth's Anniversary. 10/04/21. 7:30am
  • Hustlers And Social Media. 10/04/21. 7:45am
  • Sports Talk With Gary. 10/04/21. 7:55am
  • Music And TV Discussions. 10/04/21. 8:15am
  • Shatner In Space And More. 10/04/21. 8:30am
  • Greta Thunberg, Calls And More. 10/04/21. 8:45am
  • Jake Gyllenhaal Visits. 10/04/21. 9:00am
  • Fan Feedback And More. 10/04/21. 10:20am

• Friday Replay Show: Tuesday Encore. 10/08/21. 7:00am
  This morning's replay show was an encore of Tuesday's Howard Stern Show. Details for all three live shows are above. Here's what they played today:
  • Books, Beth And Instagram. 10/05/21. 7:00am
  • RIP Alan Kalter. 10/05/21. 7:25am
  • Tony Bennett Discussions. 10/05/21. 8:00am
  • Whoopi Goldberg Staying On The View. 10/05/21. 8:15am
  • Fixing Mushu Peaches. 10/05/21. 8:30am
  • Bad Breath Discussions. 10/05/21. 8:50am
  • Brandi Carlile Performs Live. 10/05/21. 9:00am
  • Fan Feedback, Chess And More. 10/05/21. 10:40am