Howard asked if he has cheated yet. Jason said he has not. He said that he was watching football yesterday and he wanted to eat but he didn't. He said there was nothing there to shove into his mouth. Howard asked if he threw food out before he started Nutrisystem. Jason said he ate it all before he started. Howard said he never understood that logic. He said it's like guys who go into rehab and do all the drugs they can before they go. Jason said he didn't go on a binge but he did eat half a bag of Ruffles if he had to.
Howard said if he could lose 9 pounds a week that would be great. Jason said he knows that the first 15 come off fast but then it slows down. Robin said if he lost it that fast he'd have a lot of hanging skin. Jason said he'd kill to have hanging skin. He said he wants to lose 100 pounds. He said he wants to get down to 200 from 305.
Howard said he wants to see him in a Speedo this summer. He said he knows he used to work in a fast food restaurant when he was a kid. He said he used to show up to work and he was the employee of the month all the time. He said that he was asking if he could eat all he wanted when he worked there. He said Jason said if you do get a burger or something you have to pay for it. Jason said if he was working he'd have to pay for lunch but he could make it the way he wanted. He said he could cook it and sneak extra stuff on it. Jason said he'd put down a whole thing of chicken. He said the food leftover went home with him. He said he could go down and get a bacon double cheeseburger in the middle of the night if he wanted.
Jason said that Friday nights were his night to close up so that's when he'd bring the food home. Howard said he was getting a nice stash.
Howard wondered if the people who run the company worried about employees taking food home. Jason said he did suggest not making food after 10 because they were throwing so much away. He said they wanted to stick to the system. He said if there wasn't enough chicken they had to throw down more and threw it out if no one came in.
Jason said he was doing the least creepy things there. He said that he wasn't doing anything but taking food home. He said here were others doing worse. He got sexually harassed there. He said he was very skinny back then. Robin sounded shocked that he was skinny at one time. Jason said he was 16 at the time. He said this guy there sexually harassed him. He said this guy cornered him and said he looked nice in his outfit. He said he kept getting closer and closer to him until he wasn't able to move. He said he asked what the guy was doing and told him to get away from him. He said the guy was leaning in and he had a sleeve of cups in his hand and started hitting him in the head with it. Then he went back to work.
Howard asked if the guy was hot as George Clooney. Jason said he was not. Howard said he's like the Brad Pitt of Roy Rogers. He said he had less back hair and more head hair back then.
Jason said he lost his virginity to a girl he worked with there. He said it was a big part of his life.
Howard said they have Jason down to under 1000 calories a day on NutriSystem. He asked what he would want to eat now if he had a choice. Jason said he would have a cheeseburger. He said a real one and not one like McDonald's or something. Howard said he has a theory about him. He said he had to protect himself against all of these men. Jason said thank you to that. Howard said he was too hot so he made himself less hot.
Howard said Gary told him a story about a manager he had. Gary got on and said that he worked at a Roy Rogers too and people stole so much. He said that they would steal money from the cash register. He said they would steal food and throw it in a bag for someone who only paid for French fries.
Howard said he wouldn't do that to a place that was paying him to work there. He said that doesn't make sense. Robin said that people who work there don't think that deeply. Howard said he's way too honest.
Robin said that people work there don't have that much common sense. She said everyone is fucked up.
Howard asked Gary to tell his story. Gary said the manager was like 24-25. He said the people showed up for work and this guy told everyone that someone robbed the store so he was outside in his car bleeding. He said that the cops figured out that he hit himself in the head with a hammer after stealing the money himself.
Howard asked if they had benefits there. Gary said no way. He said if you did the job that Jason did then you'd get $2.45 an hour. He said the base pay was like 2.35. Howard said he was making $10 an hour working in a plumbing supply house. He said you got really dirty in there. He said it was a lot of filthy stuff. He said it was pretty gross. He said if he was making 2.35 an hour he might have been more upset.
Jason said most people worked at Roy Rogers to get their friends free food. He said that's the main thing. Howard said he needed cash when he was working. He said he had a little bit of an allowance but it was pretty meager.
Howard said he can't believe that his job was less glamorous than fast food. Gary said one of the worst things was that they were across from the Nassau Colosseum. He said when the Grateful Dead came they had to put everything away because the fans would come and steal everything. Howard said they attract some crowd. Gary said they were on the road and they would take the toilet paper because of that. Gary said they would steal everything even the ketchup containers.
Howard said the Grateful Dead had a lot of unusual fans. He said he would live his life for the Stones before the Dead. Robin said they all had their own Tie Dye shirt businesses.
Howard said Jon Hein Audio book is on the phone to talk about the Roy Rogers thing. He took the call and the guys played audio of Jon talking about Roy Rogers from his audio book.
Howard said Jon always gives the details that no one is looking for. The guys kept playing the audio of Jon reading facts about the business. Howard said he doesn't want to say anything negative about the book but he thinks he'd rather be sexually harassed by the guy at Roy Rogers. The clips went on and on so Howard hung up.
Gary said the ultimate indignity of working there was having to wear a cowboy outfit and say things like ''Howdy partner'' and ''Happy Trails'' when people came in. Robin said she doesn't remember hearing that when they went there. Howard said he and Robin used to go to Roy Rogers a lot. He said he was like 250 pounds at the time. He said maybe it was a racial thing. He said it was mostly black employees there. He said he thinks they had a hard time convincing them to say things like that. He said they never got anything like that.
Gary said he was working there from 77 to about 1980. He said Jason said they had cut all of that by then. Jason said here was nothing cowboy there when he was there. Howard said he doesn't remember any of that either.
Howard said he would have been great at that telling people to eat before the ''Injun's'' attack. He said he would have been all in.
Howard had Jon Hein Audio Book back on the phone. He said he has a story about a 7th birthday at Roy Rogers. Howard took the call where Jon talked about his own 7th birthday party that was held at Roy Rogers. That story didn't last long and the guys kept playing the audio they played earlier. He talked about how much he loved the fried chicken there.
Jason said that the yellow batter they put the chicken in was gross. He said Jon would be shocked if he saw that.
Robin wondered why they didn't make it like all of these other fast food places.
Howard said he would have had a whole routine if he was working there. Jason said he would have been employee of the year if he had worked there. Jason said he was very lucky that he was able to work the register. Howard said maybe because he had C-cups he was put up there. He said he wants to see pictures of him skinny. Jason said he'll find him one.
Howard was doing his southern accent and talking to the customers like he was working there at Roy Rogers.
Robin asked if Jason lost his virginity in the store. Jason said it wasn't in the store but it was with someone who worked there.
Gary said that the other weird thing about the one he worked at was the weird calendar that they had. He said they figured out that every second Thursday people got paid at the hospital nearby. He said they would come in and get chicken that night so they had to have a lot of extra ready to go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he used to work at a gas station when he was like 13 on and girls would come in and they'd get free gas from him. He said that he'd get blow jobs and things like that from them. Howard said that's nice. He said blow jobs are like the new wampum. Howard asked the caller, Todd, if his boss came and asked where the money was. Todd said that he never really paid attention to the money drop. He said even if they were short here and there the guy didn't care. Howard said that's cool then.
Howard asked if he's a good looking dude. Todd said he thinks he's handsome. Howard said he doesn't know that he would have gotten a free blow job for gas. He said he thinks the girls would have run out of gas. He said this guy may have been good looking and got the girls.
Howard told Todd that this girl knows him and she's on the phone. Howard took the call and the guys were playing clips of Wendy the Slow Adult as one of the girls. Todd laughed when he heard Wendy answering Howard's questions with a ''yes'' every time. Howard said you know how the routine goes.
Todd said his first girlfriend would come there and let him bang her in the front room where people could see. Howard said he never had anything like that in his life.
Howard took a call from Chris Wilding who was doing his ''Mildred'' impression saying that she gave Todd a blow job to get gas. She said he fucked her in the ass on the hood of her car. She said that she took off her Depends to make it more pleasurable.
Todd said his dad is a long time fan and he was a Vietnam vet. Howard said he was going to say no until he said that he's a vet. Todd said a few nice words to his father about what a great guy he is.
Howard said he would usually hang up on the guy but he threw in the Vietnam vet. He said that he didn't want to look like a real dick.
Howard played a clip of Katie Couric talking about Trump and the people who are buying the garbage that they're being fed about Trump. She said that they almost need to deprogram these people who are in the cult of Trump.
Howard said that there's a story in the NY Post about that and they're saying that maybe she shouldn't be allowed to host Jeopardy. He said no one has ever been vetted this much for a game show. He said that Jimmy Kimmel hosts that Millionaire game and he's pretty anti-trump. He said that this is an example of blatant sexism. He said that Ken Jennings did some bad tweet 100 years ago and he's still being allowed to host. He said he's not sure why game show hosts are being held to a higher standard. He said that those jobs were for failed weathermen. He said that Family Feud was hosted by Richard Dawson for years and that was the worst thing you could do back then. He said he used to make out with the women on the show.
Howard said he was talking to Steve Harvey and told him how good he is as the host of Family Feud. He said he's not making out with the guests on his show.
Howard said conservatives hate Katie Couric because she exposed Sarah Palin for being ignorant. He said you couldn't ask an easier question than what kind of newspapers you read. They said it was a ''gotcha'' question.
Howard told Katie to hang in there and don't let them intimidate her. He said that they have other guest hosts like Aaron Rogers coming up too. Howard said he didn't see the game yesterday but this is Tom Brady's 10th Super Bowl. Robin said that's what she was talking about and he's not on the Patriots again. Howard said he has to feel good about that. He said he's gone to Tampa and he's still going to the Super Bowl. He said Kansas City is the favorite by 3.
Howard read about more of the hosts who are coming up on Jeopardy. He said they have Bill Whittaker too. Howard said he could be good. Howard said Alex Trebek was great but he had a weak moment when he'd interview the guests. He said that they were clearly telling him to ask the guests certain questions. He said hew as great at hosting though. He said he was good.
Howard said another person filling in is Mayim Bialik. He said that he thinks she was on their show. Gary said she was.
Howard said Tom Brady has reached the playoffs in 19 of the 20 years he's played. He said the only year he didn't make it was when he was injured.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's listening about the Katie Couric thing and the Trump cult thing. Howard said you are. He said it's not that you're in a cult, you're just stupid. The caller said that he's getting insulting when he does that. Howard said you're stupid if you back Trump. The caller said at the end he screwed up. Howard said here are 400,000 people dead and she voted for him. He said he didn't want to tell people there was a pandemic. She said that he was trying not to panic people. Howard said please stop listening to the show. She said she's going to keep listening. Howard said he's calling upper management and they're going to track her radio. She said that's the problem. Howard said that he wants her account closed. The caller said that she just renewed so please don't do that. She said she did it just for Howard.
Howard let the caller go and got back to the Jeopardy talk. Howard said he wanted George Stephanopoulos to host that show. He said he's not even on the list.
Howard said the history of the Foo Fighters is a long one on the show. Robin guessed it was 1999 when they came in. Howard said it was 98 actually. He said she's on a roll lately. Howard said the first time they were on they performed ''Everlong'' acoustically for the first time ever. Howard played some of that performance. Howard said he asked Dave to do that acoustically and Dave had never done it. He said it was such a huge hit that his management asked if they could release that version of the song. He said he was like ''Sure!'' Robin said they got radio play everywhere with that.
Howard said the Foo Fighters are eligible for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this year. Gary said when they do get in Dave will have been inducted for the second time.
Howard said the guys always gave great performances on the show. He played some of their ''Learn to Fly'' performance. He said they're getting their own channel there. He said that's great. He said he's hoping to have the guys on the show next month too. He said they're in talks for that.
Howard said he does the Peloton thing and this one teacher, Hannah Corbin, is ethnic but he's not sure what she is. He said she has this accent that she has when she says ''Okay'' and he feels like she's appropriating that ''Okhaay'' thing. He said that she'll look at the leader board and she'll say that. He asked Robin to do it. Robin did that for him. Howard said she's hot so she gets away with it.
Howard played more Foo Fighters songs and talked about the Foo Fighters radio that's premiering on February 3rd on channel 105. He said that will be on the app too. He played a medley of songs. Robin said she loves this song (My Hero). Howard said that's what he's talking about.
Howard said his favorite song is ''The Sky is a Neighborhood.'' He played some of that. Howard asked if Robin knows what this song means. Robin said she just wants to go there where a neighborhood makes sense. Howard said he thinks that it's all of the birds and things flying around that make a neighborhood. He said things live up in the sky.
Howard said he made the big announcement. He did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said what a great song. He said this is when music was real. Robin said she knows what this song is about. She said it's very clear. Howard said he loves a clear song. Howard said this was the time of Richard Nixon and John wasn't happy with Nixon. He said these songs helped bring down Nixon and the Vietnam war. He said it was no bullshit back then. He said there was not Steve Bannon and Michael Flynn getting pardons.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to see if he can get that woman who said she voted for Trump so he can grab her by the pussy. He said we all knew that Trump was going to fuck up in the end. He said we knew it. Howard said we're fucked thanks to him. He said he thinks Biden can undo a lot of the bullshit. Robin said people on FOX found something else to be angry about and riled people up about it. Howard said we're doomed. Robin said we have nothing but fools in the news room and people in high power.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he lost his mother last Friday at a nursing home. He said she was 91. He said he blames COVID but she didn't have it. He said he hasn't seen her since March of 2020. He said he was only 5 minutes away from her. He said you could go up to the window and all of that. He said he doesn't blame the staff for closing it down but he could hear her slipping away month after month. He said she stopped eating and then they had to put her on hospice. He said he was able to visit after that. He said that she lasted until Friday and she went peacefully. He said that he blames all of this COVID stuff for that. He said that people have to do simple things like wear a mask. He said he's wearing one for you and not for himself. Howard said of course. The caller said just stay away from each other.
Howard said this anti science bullshit going on in this country is upsetting. The caller said the religious right is praying for this stuff to go away instead of doing the right thing.
Howard said he doesn't want to get into this more so he let the caller go. Howard said he loves Larry King and he died from COVID. Robin said he was great fodder for the show. Howard said that he was a great farter too. He said that they think that Larry farted on his own show. He played some clips.
Howard said he'd like to say a few words about Larry King. He said back in the day when Larry was on radio there weren't a lot of big stars. He said that people still listen to regular radio but the best guys on radio made very little money. He said Larry had the first syndicated show. He said he would listen to him a lot. He said he'd be driving into work in Hartford and heard Larry's show. He said he was on Mutual Radio. He said that was a big success for someone to have a show like that syndicated. He said Larry took over for Long John Neville. He said that was a long time ago. He said he used to listen to that guy too. He said he was a real radio announcer.
Howard said he loved talk radio. He said Long John died and Larry got his job. He said that's how that worked.
Howard said Larry died from COVID. He said he was 87. He said he knows that the anti science crew would tell you not to wear a mask. He said they'd make fun of Biden wearing a mask. He said that's why he's voting for him. He said that's what you're supposed to wear. He said we're probably doomed anyway.
Howard said that Larry King got out of the ICU and he was doing better. He said he thought he was going to beat COVID. He said this guy would pull through any kind of disease. He said that he had all kinds of things wrong with him and he beat everything. He said now he's dead from COVID. He said it sounds like he almost beat it. Robin said he did get out of the ICU. Howard said everyone thought he was like Michael Meyers and they weren't able to kill the guy.
Howard asked what Michael Meyers was. Robin said he couldn't be killed but she's not sure why. She said he had some kind of super natural ability. Howard said Larry was sort of like that. He said the last time he was on the show he looked a little rickety but he still had all his marbles and got around.
Howard said he loved Larry but he also loved goofing on the guy. Robin said they used to make fun of his ''dot, dot, dot'' stuff. Howard said he loved that ''My Two Cents'' bit he did. He said that's what they'd make fun of. Howard said it was crazy. He said he used to see this column and it was crazy. He said he did read it so he must have liked it. He said it was like random thoughts that Larry had. He said he'd say something about how Jell-O was one of the all time greats. He said that he wanted in on something like that.
Howard read some of Larry's thoughts and said he came up with his own ''My Three Cents'' bit. He did his version of Larry's bit.
Howard said this will be a tribute to Larry eventually. He read more of his ''My Three Cents'' stuff.
Howard said that he could have a whole column like that if he wrote things down in his day. He kept going with the bit and came up with more and more simple comments about his day.
Howard said he knows he was on the radio and he doesn't remember Larry being a big influence on him but he did hear his show. He said he admired what he did with his show having it syndicated. Robin said someone made something of an overnight show. Howard said he did. Howard said one time he fell asleep on the air doing his show. He said he doesn't have the clip though. He said that was pretty cool though.
Howard said he knows that Albert Brooks would call into his show and do characters. He said he follows Albert on Twitter. He said that he wrote about that. He said he'd do fake voices and stuff. He said you'd hear Larry on radio on the way into work. Robins said Howard even did the show. Howard said he did his TV show. Robin said he did his radio show. She said he went to Washington on the train and went to do his show. Howard said wait a second. He asked why he'd go on a train. Howard said he never went on a train. Robin said maybe he flew. She said she thought that he took the train.
Gary said his memory is that he did the radio show and Larry didn't hear himself. He said that was Mutual radio in New York right after K-Rock. Robin said that it was Washington DC because Howard asked her to stay at his house. Howard asked why he would do that. Robin said he had just had a baby. Howard said oh. He said he has no recollection of that. Robin said they sat up in bed and listened to him. Howard said he doesn't remember that. He said he's sure it was horrible.
Robin said it was amazing for them at the time. Howard said Robin was like his wife and had to watch the kids at the time. Robin said they were so afraid of everything that they asked her to come over.
Howard said he doesn't recall that. He said he wishes he could. He said he'd have a full career. Howard said he did his CNN show. He said he remembers that. He said CNN fired the guy and they had a tribute to him over the weekend.
Howard said they replaced Larry with Piers Morgan. He said he liked the guy but people watching apparently didn't. He said he's not sure why that is. He said he thought he was good.
Robin said she's not a Piers Morgan fan. Howard said he is. Robin said she's very happy for him and Piers. She said one of the reasons she doesn't like him is because he introduced Paul McCartney to Heather Mills. Howard asked if she cares that much. Howard said he doesn't. Robin said she does.
Howard said he liked Piers on America's Got Talent. He said that Howie would make fun of him on the show and he liked that. He said Howie tried to do that with him and he told him not to do that to him or he'll have his fans destroy him. He said they got along just fine after that. He said he wasn't going to be the butt of his jokes on that show. He said he'd go down that path but he would win. He said he never loses. He said Howie backed off.
Howard said he loved it when Howie goofed on Piers. Robin said she doesn't think that Piers liked it.
Howard said Piers wrote about Larry and how he and Larry got along until they had a falling out over the CNN thing. He read more of Piers' post about Larry and what a great host he was.
Howard said he thought that Larry could have done more prep for his guests. He said they never really broke any news on the show. He said a lot of times he didn't even know who the fuck you were. He said that he liked Larry a lot though. Robin said he was a great character. She said he was very busy socializing during the day. She said he'd have lunch at the same restaurant every day.
Howard said Larry would take pictures with every celebrity and put them on his wall. He said he thought that was funny. He said he's taken pictures like that but he rarely looks at them. He said that's not his thing. H said he has interviewed Dave Grohl many times but he doesn't have any hanging up. Robin said she has one picture of her an a celebrity. Howard guessed it was Muhammad Ali. Robin said that's right. Howard said it's not him, it's Muhammad Ali.
Howard said most guys who started in radio are weirdos. He said he's included. He said that Larry is kind of scary in a way. He said he was really struggling and got arrested for writing bad checks. He said he met a guy who said he hated Larry King because he borrowed money from him and never paid him back. Howard said he had a sketchy beginning. Robin said that Jerry Springer was like that too. Howard said he has to admit that his life is pretty straight and narrow off the air. He said he never did anything illegal or ripped anyone off.
Howard said he will get to some positive stuff eventually. He said Larry wrote a book and wrote that he knew Sandy Koufax and he grew up with him and would get ice cream with him. He said they tracked down Sandy one time and asked about that and he said he didn't know Larry King. He said it was confusing with Larry. He said that he was a good speaker too and you wondered if his stories were real or not.
Howard said Larry came on there once and said he put on a long record and went to have a romance with a woman. He said that he's not sure if that was real or not.
Howard had a clip of Larry falling asleep on his show. He played that clip and Larry didn't answer the caller when the caller asked him a question. He sounded like he had just woken up.
Howard said doing overnights is tough. He said he used to do that and he hated it. He said he had to be a morning guy. He said he admired Larry for doing that show overnight. He said he's not sure how he stayed awake.
Howard said Larry's real name was Lawrence Harvey Zeiger and they told him he didn't have a good name for radio so they saw ''King Mattress'' in the newspaper and changed it to Larry King. Howard said if Larry had moved his finger one inch over his name would have been Larry Mattress.
Howard said he would goof on Larry but he thinks that Larry had a good sense of humor about it. He said he and Larry admired each other. Robin said Larry was one that Captain Janks used to prank all the time. She said that Larry would pretend that he didn't know who Howard was.
Howard had a clip of Larry talking to Colin Powell and they had no delay at the time. Howard played the clip and a caller mentioned something about Larry's invasion of Robin Quivers crotch.
Howard played a clip where Captain Janks calls into Larry's show when Macaulay Culkin was on the show and threw out Howard's name.
Howard went through more of Larry's history and how he got his big break on the air. Robin said that all of these things are like a fairy tale. Howard said it was a liquor store that he got his name from, not a mattress store.
Howard read about Larry's syndicated show and how that grew. He played a clip of Larry talking to David Letterman on the 12th anniversary of Larry's show.
Howard said that he has a nice clip of Larry when he was talking to him once. He said he asked Larry to tell him about radio and Larry told him about his first day at CNN. Howard played that clip where Larry talked about how he fell in love with doing his CNN show from the minute he started it.
Howard said Larry was famous for being married 8 times. He said that was crazy to him. Robin said he married one woman twice. Howard said he married his 4th wife two times. He said his sixth wife he proposed to on their first date. Howard said Larry and his wife Shawn King divorced in 2019. Howard said Larry was quite the ladies man. He said that he should get Beth down there to talk about the story he has about Larry. Robin said he told that story on the air. Howard said Larry was a cocksman and getting a good looking woman was way too important to him. He said he thinks that he was shocked when a woman looked at him so he'd marry them.
Howard said that Larry thought being married that many times was normal. He said that he wasn't able to see how people could stay together that long. Howard said he thinks that it was a self esteem issue for Larry. He said he can relate to that. He said that he had to lock Beth in when he met her. He said he's not going to do better than that. He said you have to have some common sense. He said she was the home coming queen of her high school. He said the home coming queen is going out with him. He said he had to make a commitment to her.
Howard said he was a kid who sat in his bedroom all alone through high school. He said Larry must have been beside himself when an attractive woman came on to him. He said he wasn't a well thought out dude.
Howard said he called Beth 12 hours after their first meeting. He said he wanted to go out on a date with her. He said he knew that she wasn't going to sleep with him for a month so he had to get started. He said he wanted to get the six dates done in one day. He said he had it all figured out.
Howard said he should get Beth down there. He said the new iPhone doesn't turn off. He said that they took the magnet thing out. He said she might be busy with the new cats they have there. Howard texted her to come down. He said she's going to say she's not dressed and doesn't look good. Howard texted her and waited for her answer.
Howard said he hates texting. He said he should call her. He said she said she won't come on because she looks awful. Howard called her to get her to come on. He said he'll have to badger her. He said he'll be back. She wasn't picking up. Howard said that did not work out.
Robin said Howard should tell the story then. Howard said he wishes she would come down. He said that it would be better if she was in there. He said she looks like a 9.9 instead of a 10.
Howard said that he should tell her they won't put her on camera. He said he'll lie to her about that. Howard texted that to her. He said he hates typing on this thing. He said it makes you feel illiterate. He waited for her response. He said she said no again.
Howard said that he could guilt her into it by saying he has to make a living for them. Howard said he won't bug her. He said when a woman says no she means no. Robin said that's for sex.
Howard said the story was... He said he'll text her that he's having a medical issue and she'll come down. Robin said don't do that. She said some day he'll really need help and she won't know.
Howard said the story was that he went on Larry King's show to promote something. He said that he had been on a couple of times. He said it was worthless to go on the show because it didn't sell anything. He said he liked Larry though so he went on. He said Beth came with him because they were going out to dinner after. He said she was all dressed up. He said Larry saw her and he moved right in on her like he didn't even see him. He said Larry was hanging around the room while he was in makeup. He said that Larry must have thought he had a shot with her. He said that it's not as good a story without Beth there. He said it was getting creepy. He said he wasn't too concerned with Larry but he'd be talking to him but looking at Beth. He said it was very obvious. He said he should have focused on him instead. He said that Larry must have been thinking that he's on TV and Howard is only on radio so he cold get her. He said that a lot of guys think they can get Beth because they see how he looks. He said they think they're better looking than him.
Howard said he went on air and they were about 2 seconds from going on air and Larry asked where Beth was. He said he told him that she was in the green room. He said Larry got up out of his chair and took her by the hand and brought her into the studio. He said she didn't want to be on the air and Larry insisted that she sit next to him while he does the show. He said he was really working it.
Howard said he knows that Larry was trying to show off. He said all he wanted to talk about was that Larry was all heated up over Beth.
Howard said he was telling that Larry King story. Beth said they were going out to a fancy place after that show. She said that's why she was dressed up. She said they had to get dressed up because of where they were going.
Howard asked where they saw him first. Beth said it was in the makeup room. She said Larry came in and shut the door with her in there alone. She said they were talking a lot and she asked if they had to start the show. She said he was very flirtatious but he wasn't inappropriate at all. She said he was asking her about her family and all of that. She said she thinks she could have gotten him. Robin said that they didn't have to move Howard and Toni into another room.
Beth said the best part of the story was that they were knocking on the door to get Larry on air and then she saw no the monitor that they had a chair set up for her next to him. She said she was busy with Larry while Howard was ready to go on the air.
Beth said that Larry came over to give her a hug and kiss goodbye too. She said she was charmed by him. She said she can see how he had all of these wives. She said he wasn't her type though. Howard asked why Larry needed to close the doors. Robin said he knows why. Beth said he was so sweet. She said that she must be his type. Beth said that they weren't married so why not.
Howard said he doesn't feel sad about his death anymore. He said he knows he didn't do anything inappropriate. He said it's not like he was hitting on her right before he did an interview with him. Beth wondered what the interview would have been if she sat there. Howard said he thought she sat there. Beth said that she got out of there and didn't go on the air. Howard said Larry was looking at her when he'd be asking him questions.
Howard said they have friends that won't look at him. He said they look at Beth the whole night. Beth said she won't mention who it is but this one guy took her hand and asked what she was doing with him. Howard asked who did that. Beth said he knows who did that. Howard said he didn't know the guy grabbed her hand. Beth said he did take her hand. She said Howard knows who it is. Howard said fuck him.
Howard said she gets that all the time. Beth said that was in her day. She said she hasn't been out of the house in a year. Howard said that she still has it though. He said she still looks cute.
Beth said that they watched some bad movies over the weekend. Howard said they were so bad. He said it had a good cast but it was so bad. Beth said it was one of those Sundance movies. Howard said they love the TV show with ''Tammy and Amy''. Beth asked if Robin likes Bridgerton. Robin said she loves it. Howard said they started watching that together and he didn't like it. He said Beth didn't either but then Beth went off and watched it on her own. He said that he would have watched it with her. Beth said she still has 2 episodes left. Howard said he's going to watch shows without her. He said that he'll do that with The Bachelor.
Howard said he needs to get a hair cut. He said that they're waiting for the COVID thing to be over. He said his hair is a mess in the morning so he found some products that he uses to get it under control. He said this stuff stinks to high heaven. Beth said it smells like sandalwood mixed with baby powder.
Beth asked if she's done. Howard said not yet. He said her life is very strange. He said she's never had a guy break up with her. Beth said she did have one. She said he knew that she was interested in someone else.
Howard said his point was that Beth walks into a room and Larry King is shutting doors and locking her in a room. He said he wanted her to sit next to him on the air while he did the show.
Howard said Beth had an airline pilot see her and have her help him land the plane. Beth said that she sat on his lap.
Howard said that when Beth was suspended from high school she had a guy visit her every day. Beth said she's not talking about that. She said this fruit stand guy would give her free bananas every morning. She said he gave him the magazines she was in for free too. She said she'd give him money even though he didn't want it.
Beth said that she got 15 copies of the paper one time when she and Bianca were in it. She said the next day she was in the paper being shown buying the 15 copies of that paper.
Howard said that Beth's life is like that all the time. He said that every guy hits on her. Beth said not every guy. Howard said bullshit. He said it is every guy. He said he has had guys who are with their wives and they still hit on her. Howard said he's writing down a name now. He said don't say the name. Beth said that guy did. Howard said it's ridiculous.
Howard said when he met Beth she told her mother about him. Beth said she did and she hung up the phone on her. She said she knew she had met ''the one'' with Howard. Howard said that he never imagined that he'd have a life like this. He said that she wasn't even born yet when he was fantasizing about his life.
Howard took a call from a woman who said her husband is a quiet guy and he was screaming. She said she ran up to see what it was and he was screaming about what good looking woman Beth is.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wants to thank Beth for the Helen Rose T-shirt. She said she loves that the money went to a good cause and that it's Howard's painting. Beth said she's wearing her's right now.
Robin said she bought 2 of the shirts for herself and they went to a friend somehow. She said that she doesn't have it because she couldn't tell them that it wasn't for them. Beth said it was a limited edition and she thought it would be nice for Christmas. She said it sold out in a week. Robin said she knew that and she had 2 but then they were gone. Beth said it's a painting that Howard did and they're going to do it on a canvass tote too. Howard said that painting came out great. He said it looks cute on Beth and he's imagining Robin in one.
Howard said the big story was Larry King hitting on Beth. He said the nerve of that guy thinking he could steal his girlfriend. Beth said he was just flirty and fun. She said he was charming. Howard said Larry holding her hand was really strange.
Howard said he has to thank her for leaving the studio that day. He said it would have been weird to have her there during that interview. He said she read the signals right. He said that's why he loves her. He said that a lot of guys think they can be Beth's boyfriend. He said it's a lot of work. He said it's not as easy as it looks. He said she's the greatest and all but guys are always hitting on her so you have to have some ego to be with her. He said he's pretty cool about stuff. He said that's why he locked her in. Beth said these are the overalls she wore on their first date.
Howard said that he's always boned up around her. He said the last time she kind of pushed him off of her. Beth said that she was doing the kitten's feeding. Howard said she didn't need to do that. He said she could have waited 10 minutes. Beth said they have to plan better. She said not 3 o'clock feeding time. Howard asked her to schedule him in. Howard said he wants to do it today. Beth said he has meetings today. Beth asked about 4 today. Howard said he'll meet her at 4 and she'll get it. He said it'll be great. He said he hast' had it in a while so he may explode.
Howard said they have two new cats they were playing with over the weekend. He said this one is named Princess Noel. Beth said she's a Fancy Black cat that looks like a Bombay. Beth said she got an email from a woman who thought that she had a dead cat in her window well. She said it was frozen during the snow storm. She said she had her take her to the vet and Dr. Jackie told her that this cat was going to die. She said Jackie said she saw she has the will to live so they kept her alive. She said she has no teeth and she's only about 2 years old. She said she's completely shaved and no teeth. She said she has to spoon feed her 4 times a day. Beth said this other cat they have, Ashley, has frostbite on it so they had to remove some of her ear. She said they have Gertrude too and she flew 26 hours with another cat and she found the other cat a home. She said that she has some interesting stories.
Howard said that he had to do a commercial for Hydrow. He wishes she was there for that. Beth said that she loves it. She said she loves her instructors too. Howard said she's ripped from doing a half hour a day doing it. Beth said she does it 5 days a week. She said she doesn't do any other exercise. She said she smiles the whole time she's doing it.
Howard said they have to work on Beth's feet. He said she has a peasant woman in Peru's feet. He said they have to work on that. He said she looks so cute in that outfit. He said they should move bang o'clock to noon.
Beth ran off and said everyone think about them at 4. She said everyone should join them at home at 4 and everyone can do it. Howard said he's going to last about 8 seconds with her. He said just wait for that.
Howard said that they had some great times with Larry on the show. He said he felt honored to be a kindred spirit. He said he was honored to talk to him on the show. Robin said she thinks Larry warmed up to him. Howard said he let his ego go and things became a mutual love fest.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this whole thing is screwed up and having Dr. Agus on last week was great. He said that he's in the TV business and he would have lunch with Larry King and George Slaughter the past few years. He said he was the young guy there and it was always interesting stuff with them. He said Larry was always looking at the girls when they walked by. He said he was a great guy.
The caller asked how Robin sent those shirts to someone else accidentally. Howard said everything in her private life is like that. He said she always has something wild going on. He said he's given up on trying to unravel her life. Robin said she never did figure out how the shirts went to those people. Howard said they have to go to her house so how did they end up going to her home. Howard said she must have sent them to them. Robin said she doesn't handle these things. She said someone must have assumed. Howard said someone else mailed them to someone else. Robin said yeah.
Howard said that Larry was on the show in 2014 and he talked about how he wanted to be frozen after death. Howard said he's the same way. He said he wants to live on. Robin said Larry didn't intend to die. Howard said he wants to be frozen too. Howard played a clip of Larry talking about being frozen after death.
Howard said Larry had a will that said he wanted to be buried in Beth's underwear drawer. Howard said he was a great cocksman.
Howard said he did love Larry King. He said condolences to his family. He said that his kids had some nice things to say about their father. He said a couple of his kids died recently. Robin said not that recently. She said they died in the same year though. Howard said he will be missed. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said when he was a little boy he was listening to the radio and some song was on and the guy says ''Sing it honey!'' He said he thought that was the greatest thing he's ever heard. Robin said Elvis did that when a woman was back up singing for his song. Howard said that was a good tape.
Howard said a lot of fans have been writing them. He said it's so long ago that the inauguration took place. He said he was all charged up over that. Robin said she was excited about it too. Howard said it was just last week but it seems so long ago.
Howard said he feels like this country was leaderless the past 4 years. He said it was like being in the Twilight zone. He said he found it very uplifting to see the Biden thing. Howard said that there are Trump supporters who think it's the end of the world. He had some audio of a Trump supporter crying over the flags that Biden had at the inauguration. Howard said those were the flags of the 50 states. He said that she's got some conspiracy theory about that.
Howard said that a lot of Trump supporters are turning on him because he's leaving them hanging after the Capitol riots. He said that they were hoping to get pardoned for their crimes. Howard said they had some really wacky thoughts on what he was going to do if he had taken over the country. Robin said they thought he was some kind of messiah. Howard played that woman crying again and she was saying she hopes Trump has a plan. Robin said he has no plans for anything.
Howard said this is what Katie Couric was talking about when she said we need to deprogram the cult followers.
Howard said that the Trump followers thought that he had some kind of plan to free them if they were arrested. He said they feel duped, used, lied to and robbed. Robin said they were. Howard said now they feel like the rest of us.
Howard said when he watches Bill Maher a lot and he was saying that we don't want Biden outside catching a cold so why have the inauguration outside. Robin said we want to lock him in a box and keep him safe. Howard said when he watched it he was thinking how important it was. He said he's wondering how Trump was feeling. He said that they had all of those Hollywood people there and Trump must have been upset. Robin said that Lady Gaga did so great. Howard said all Trump wanted was to be accepted by the Hollywood elite. He said he loves that but acts like he doesn't. He said it must have killed him.
Howard said he never thought anyone could top Whitney Houston doing the Star Spangled Banner but Lady Gaga did so great. He said that it was freezing cold out and it can't be easy to do that. He played some of her performance.
Howard said that he got chills from that. Fred played Robin singing the song too. Howard said her's is the greatest. He let that play a little bit. Howard asked how she developed that. Robin said she doesn't know.
Howard said that was beautiful. He said if he ever becomes President she's going to be performing that. He said she'll be in that big dress like Lady Gaga was wearing.
Howard said he called Robin off the air and talked about the relief he was feeling. He said he felt like this black cloud was lifted off the back of this country and this creature was out of our lives. He said that we came so close to this country having a dictator. He said that he never thought that we'd come so close to losing America. He said that he got worked up over Kamala and President Biden and that 21 year old poet laureate.
Howard said that the whole inauguration was so well planned and organized. He said it came off flawlessly. He said the new press secretary was so good and she talked about what was going to happen and there was no lying. He said it was so transparent.
Robin said that she heard about Wanda Sykes putting that up and asking what is this woman doing and saying she had never seen anything like this. Howard said it's bringing back orderliness and letting Fauci speak and things like that. He said Biden was just so good. He said he was a little upset about Judge Sotomayor mispronouncing Kamala's name. He played a clip of that.
Howard said what was so nice was that no one was wearing a moose head or anything like that. He said Jennifer Lopez was singing there at the inauguration too. He said he saw Alex Rodriguez there too. He said he's not sure what his job is. Robin said she's seen him on Shark Tank. She said he's a businessman now. Howard asked if Jennifer was singing or lip syncing. Robin said she thinks she was lip synching. Howard said she did hit some good notes. He said if she was singing live it was very good.
Howard said he liked seeing every nationality represented. He said it felt like people were coming together. He said that J-Lo and A-Rod were there. He said that it seems like he just shows up everywhere with J-Lo. He said maybe just stay out of a few things. Robin said that he's with her everywhere she goes but it's not the other way around.
Howard said A-Rod's business advice should be that you should learn to hit a white ball with a bat. Robin said that he had a show where he tried to save people's businesses.
Howard said it was nice to see Garth Brooks there. He said that must have been to let people know that he's a republican who went against Trump. He said he has a lot of problems with the republican party right now and he's not sure if he could ever vote for one again. Howard said Garth Brooks looked like he worked at Roy Rogers. He said he's not sure if he can really be a cowboy. He said he feels like he's a make believe cowboy. He said maybe lose that.
Howard said he thought the poet Amanda Gorman was great too. He played some audio of her doing her reading. Howard asked the guys if the saw anything about her having a speech impediment. Jon Hein got on and said that she wasn't able to pronounce her R's. Howard said she overcame that and became this poet laureate. He said he's looking into that job too. Howard said Bobo has some hope out there. He said she spoke like him. Howard played more of her speech. Howard said she says that listening to Hamilton the musical helped her with her R's.
Howard said he thought Amanda was really cute with that ribbon in her hair. He said that Oprah helped her out with the jewelry she was wearing. He said that they should do something like that.
Howard said they had a thing at night that night too. He said he's become a bigger and bigger fan of Bruce Springsteen as time goes on. He said that he performed out there in the cold and did a great job. Howard played some audio of Bruce doing his thing in that special. Howard said he's not sure where Bruce got that accent from. He said he's from Jersey. He said that's not a Jersey accent.
Howard said he likes it when they have just Bruce and his wife performing. He said the E Street Band has too many people in it.
Howard asked Gary where the accent comes from. Gary said it's only 45 minutes from New York City so he's not sure where that came from. Howard said it had to be killing Trump to see that. Robin said she doesn't think he was watching. Howard said he had to be upset about it. He said that's what he wanted. He said you know it killed him even though he acts like it didn't. He said it would be so nice if he was just honest about something.
Howard played more of Springsteen's performance. Howard said it takes so many balls to do that with just a guitar. He said it's beautifully emotional. He said he watched this like 17 times. Robin asked where the prayer is that he said he was going to say. Howard said the whole dream is the prayer.
Howard said this was so uplifting. He said he was so happy. He said he called his kids and said there is hope. He said they'll get the vaccine distributed and it'll all work out.
Howard said then Jon Bon Jovi did a nice version of ''Here Comes the Sun.'' Robin said she hasn't heard that yet. Howard said he wrote Jon a note about that. He said he did a really good job with that. He said Jon wrote him back and said he really wanted to do that song. He said that was very fitting for the whole inauguration. Howard played some of that performance.
Howard said Trump wasn't even able to get a tribute band for the E Street Band. He said they booked the B street Band and they backed out of doing his inauguration. Howard asked how great it would have been if he had just impersonators there at his inauguration.
Howard said that this was so uplifting. He said Dave Grohl did a song with the Foo Fighters. He said he was doing Times Like These and then the band kicks in. He said Dave is kicking ass. He played some of that performance too.
Howard said that he's always amazed that Dave can sing when he yells like that. He said now he's singing quieter and it still sounds good. He said his hair is really long too. Robin said he hasn't gotten a hair cut either. Howard said this was pretty emotional. He said Trump wasn't able to get the Z Street Band. Howard said every song took on even more importance for that inauguration.
Howard said then Katy Perry closed it out with ''Firework'' and the place exploded with fireworks. He said that was just kind of to smush it in Trump's face. He played some of Katy's performance. He said he thinks that Orlando Bloom was there with her. He said that all he could think about was his big cock.
Robin said there were no teams going to the White House the past 4 years and things like that. Howard said that it was very odd and it was like all the entertainment was taken out of there. Howard was making up more tribute bands that would have been at Trump's inauguration like the Almond Brothers and the band U3.
Howard said it was a good crowd there at the inauguration. He said he has to see who Trump had. He said he had a piano guy. He said he had the Silhouettes, Toby Keith and Jackie Evancho. He said Tony Orlando too. Robin said oh wow. Howard said ''Paul McCarthy'' and ''Elton Jack'' too. Howard said look what time it is. He said he's spending his whole day in his basement.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she was balling her eyes out after he played the Lady Gaga stuff. She said the 1000 Pound Sisters are great and he should have them on the show. Howard said he's very obsessed with them. He said that he likes them because they're really sweet people. He said a lot of their fans say negative things about them and hurt their feelings. He said they're very shy women. He said they do a YouTube meet and greet on an upcoming show and they're afraid that someone is going to make fun of them. He said they're very sweet people. He said he feels really bad about Tammy. He said she's 650 pounds. He said that she was at 595 and she gained that weight in a month. He said Tammy is so heavy that her forehead is fat. He said he's never seen that.
Howard said he'd watch them 24/7 if he could. He said he loves Tammy and Amy. He said he thinks they think the world is against them. Robin asked if he has ever invited them on the show. Howard said he doesn't think he'd have them on. He said they get upset when you ask them questions about their weight and he doesn't want to upset them. The caller said that people would laugh their asses off if he had them on. Howard said that's enough of that. He said he loves watching that show.
Howard said he has to compliment Benjy because even though he's fat he has a thin forehead.
Howard read some fan feedback about Ralph being banned from Twitter last week. He said that they talked about him being on Welbutrin and things like that too. He said Ralph told him he's getting off of that stuff. He read about what people were saying he got banned from Twitter for. Some people were comparing Ralph to Benjy with the way he answers questions without answering them directly.
Howard read some feedback about Mariann from Brooklyn calling Ralph and Chris Wilding ''Mean Girls.'' Howard said Mariann left them a scathing voicemail about Ralph and Chris too. He said he'll play that right now. In the message Mariann was saying that the party she had was not a super spreader and she said everyone was tested and everyone was fine. She was going on and on about Chris and Ralph not being nice people.
Howard took a call from Mariann who said that other people say that Ralph has underlying issues and he's like a rat now. She said that Ralph wasn't wearing a mask when he went out and Chris ratted him out too. She said they're not good together. Howard said she has a memory like an elephant remembering all of that stuff. Mariann said she wants the show to be a positive influence. She said she has to defend herself. She was going on about Ralph and what he was doing and Howard cut her off. He said America is even more divided than ever.
Howard said on Wednesday he listed the songs that make him depressed and got some fan reaction from that. He read through some of those comments. He said he fans sent in their suggestions for songs that upset them. He read through some of those and played some clips.
Howard said the staff went through and found songs that depress him and the list goes on and on. He played clip after clip of songs they found that he's said depress him. Howard said that this list goes on and on and on. Robin said there's no end to sad songs.
Howard took a call from Ralph and asked if he's off his Welbutrin. Ralph said he is. He said he watched some TV shows this weekend. Howard asked if he feels his friendship with Chris Wilding is a negative influence because he's at war with Mariann. Ralph said he's not part of this war. He said she keeps bringing this stuff up. He said that he got mad at Ronnie for not voting for Biden and she inserted herself into this whole thing so that's when he brought up the super spreader party she had. He said that he was ready to drop it into the new year. He said he has always liked her but she's the one who keeps bringing it up. He said she must feel so guilty about that party that she's lashing out. He said that she also hit Chris over some stuff. Howard said it's odd that Mariann isn't on the phone. He said there she is. Ralph said he doesn't think she's a nice lady anymore.
Howard got Mariann on and said she always liked Ralph too. She said that this went back with this super spreader thing. Ralph said he got upset with her over the party. Mariann said that Chris was the one in his hear with that.
Howard got Chris on to talk about that too. Ralph said Chris did alert him to it. Mariann said that she is shaking now. She said that she could care less about Chris. She said that she and Ralph never had an issue before Chris came into this. She said that Ralph was always good to her.
Chris got on and said that her post was on public Instagram. He said if you have a super spreader even then hide it. He said she's like a drunk driver who got stopped by the cops and she says she didn't kill anyone so what's the issue?
Howard asked if Mariann is still friends with Ralph or not. Mariann said she likes Ralph a lot but she'll never like Chris. Chris said she's a kook. He said she did something wrong and she can't admit to it. Mariann asked where he's been the whole time. She said he's a punk. Chris said shame on her for having that party. Mariann said the super spreader thing didn't go anywhere. Chris said he hopes Biden puts people like her in jail.
Howard cut them off and said that they are very upset. Ralph said Mariann might have a point about him being a nice guy before Chris came along. Chris said that she's the one who keeps bringing this stuff up. She said she's not a nice person. He said she's evil. Howard said there's so much going on so maybe they can get to it tomorrow.
Howard said Ronnie thinks that Ralph has cut him out of his life because of Trump. Ralph said he couldn't be more wrong about that. He said he felt weird about calling him about that.
Ronnie got on and said that he thought Ralph was cutting him out of his life because of his voting for Trump even though he doesn't know who he voted for. Ralph said this is so last year. Ronnie said he didn't even say anything to him about it. Ralph asked why he's yelling. Ronnie said he's just telling him what's going on. He said he never said he wasn't his friend. Howard asked if he is friends with him. Ronnie said he's not friends with someone who isn't friends with him. He said Ralph is the one who said he's not friends with him.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on here. He said he asked if he's friends with Ralph. Ronnie said no. He said obviously not. Howard asked if he's friends with Ronnie. Ralph said if he wants to be his friend then yes. He said that it's up to Ronnie. Howard said now he's turning the tables on him. Howard asked if he's his friend or not. Ralph said it sounds like they're not. He said he was upset going into the election and he thought that he was on the wrong side of history and he thought that he should be on the right side. He said he was trying to talk to him as a friend in a harsh way. He was trying to help.
Howard said it seems like Ralph is friends with Chris and Chris is friends with Ralph but Ronnie and Ralph aren't friends. He said high school never ends even when you're 70 like Ronnie.
Howard asked Chris if he's friends with Ronnie. Chris said he thinks they are. Ronnie said they have talked off the air and they are.
Howard asked if Ralph has to call him off the air. Ronnie said he doesn't have to call. Ralph said he's going to call. Ronnie told him not to bother. Howard went through the friends list and tried to figure out who is friends or not. Mariann got on and went off on Chris again. Chris said it's a pandemic and he's staying home. Mariann told Ralph to be himself and be authentic. She told Chris that he must be so bad at sucking cock that people never come back to him. Mariann and Chris went off on each other even more. Mariann wouldn't stop talking. Chris said he'll such her husband's dick and turn him gay.
Howard said he's trying to talk to Mariann but she won't listen. He said she's not friends with Chris. Mariann said that she's not delusional.
Howard took a call from Michael Rapaport who said this is bringing him so much joy and optimism. He said that he has to bow down to Mariann for calling Chris a lousy dick sucker.
Howard said he has Annemarie from Queens on the phone. He took the call and had the Mariann impersonator going off on Mariann.
Mariann and Chris went off on each other again. They were talking over each other and Howard tried to get things under control. Mariann was still yelling when he hung up on her. Howard said there must be hope for Ralph and Ronnie. He said it seems like Michael and Mariann have made up. He went through the list of people who are friends and aren't friends.
Chris said he's a lot of things but he's not a lousy dick sucker. He said he gets rave reviews. He said it's just untrue. Robin said they don't have anyone who can tell them how Mariann sucks dick other than her husband. Howard said Chris has a 5 star review on Yelp for dick sucking.
Howard got back to fan feedback and read through more of that. He had some about the Trump impersonator who was on last week and how great he was with the fake Biden. Howard said that the guy who played that Trump was John Di Domenico. Will confirmed that's who it was.
Howard said that all of the Trump impersonators got together to perform a farewell song. He played the song with all of the guys who have played him over the past 4 years.
Howard said they're all available to do their thing at a cut rate now that the impersonation isn't that valuable now.
Howard took another call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she got Chris' Achilles heel with that lousy dick sucking thing. She said she really got him with that.
Howard read more fan feedback and had some about Lala Brooks calling into the show last week.
Howard said a lot of people wrote in about Jason's diet too. He said he's sticking to it so far. He said some people want him to record it when he falls off the wagon. Robin said one other person died over the weekend. She said it was Hank Aaron. Howard said that's right. Robin said he was a great man and a gracious man. She said he was 86. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about how much he loves the ''Hey now!'' thing. He said Scott Schmaren will be on today. He said he's working on Sal right now. He said they work well together. He said Scott will talk about hypnotism and take Sal out and see what they can do with him. Robin said he's the best subject ever. Howard said they have a few ideas and they'll see what they can pull off. He said he can vouch that hypnotism works. He said when Scott hypnotized Sal to think that his penis was missing it got so scary he had to bring an end to it. He played a clip from that day when Sal thought that his cock was gone and freaked out.
Robin said she still can't believe that. Howard said Sal was shaking so bad he thought he was going to have a heart attack. Robin said she thinks he cried. Howard said he was freaking out about it. He said he really thought he was gone. He said that was hypnotism's finest hour.
Howard said the other one was when Scott was in back in 2013 and had Sal go back into his past lives. He said he figured that he'd figure out he was a king or queen but Sal fount out he was a turtle. He said that says something about Sal. Robin said he still said not too long ago that he wants to be a dog.
Howard played a clip from the show when Sal found out he was a turtle. Howard said it turned out his past lives were as boring as his current one. He said he always loves that. He said Sal is already pre-hypnotized. He said they can't do it live on air because it might hypnotize someone in their car.
Howard had the guys bring Scott on. Howard said this is Scott Schmaren the hypnotist. Howard said people have trouble believing that this is real but he's seen it happen on the show and it's very real. He asked why people don't believe it's a real science. Scott said that he thinks part of it is movies and the media. He said people think hypnosis is a man with a goatee waving a watch in front of your face. He said it's a natural state of mind though. He said if you watch a movie and you feel the emotions of the characters it's a form of hypnosis. He said it's a hypnotic state. Howard said it's true about the goatee thing and asked if Scott has ever had one. Scott said he actually has.
Scott said he used to be 360 pounds and he was able to lose that weight with hypnosis. He said that has transformed every part of his life.
Howard asked if it's hard to learn how to become a hypnotist. He asked if they have to be intuitive or empathic. He said he'd like to be able to do it. Scott said Howard already does. He said it's all about the hours you put in. He said anyone can learn to play the piano but it's hard to play it well. He said the skill isn't difficult but it's what you do with it once you get there that's important.
Scott said Howard said a great hypnotist. He said that he gives suggestions to people. He said people come in with a wall up and then he asks them something and their wall comes down. He said there's a mental confusion and Howard's suggestions make that stuff come out of their mouth.
Howard said he's seen him do amazing things with Ronnie and Sal on the show. He asked how he could learn that. Scott said there are people out there who teach it. He said Howard could learn to do it easily. He said he's already got the skills.
Howard asked if scientists study this or is it a parlor room trick to them. Scott said this a normal practice in Europe. He said it's a regular form of therapy over there. He said some of the greatest therapists in history have used hypnosis. He said that it's more than putting someone in a state of mind. He said he can reach in and get that spiritual connection with people. He said there are some who are amazing and some who aren't.
Howard said that he would be afraid to give someone over and have them be unscrupulous. Scott said that most people fail at making change because they fail at a conscious level. He said they're trying to do something that's in their subconscious mind. He said that your mind can sabotage something like a diet. He said you have to step past that and get to the subconscious mind.
Howard said Scott said he won't hypnotize Jason because he thinks that he wants to be fat. Scott said he never said that. He said that he would love to work with Jason. He said he has seen a lot of people like Jason. He said that he's already miserable. He said that he said he wants to lose a certain weight but what is he going to do after that. He said if you change the pictures in your head of who you want to be then it starts driving toward that picture.
Howard said he read about Mike Tyson who went to a hypnotist and he was taught to see himself as a winner and they claim it made a difference.
Howard asked Scott if he thinks it's going to get more and more scientifically explored or will it always be this thing that people don't believe in. Scott said you'll always have people who don't believe in it. He said it's used by a lot of people who are CEOs and athletes. He said we do a lot of things subconsciously that you learn to do over time. He said it's like driving a car. He said there's no thought process in driving a car and you don't really think about what you're doing.
Howard asked if he helps people with smoking and things like that. Scott said he does very few stage shows. He said a lot of what he does is therapeutic. He said lately people are stressed out of their minds and he's able to help them. He said PTSD is a hypnotic state. He said that people are reliving that state of mind and they're having the physical symptoms of it being real.
Howard said he heard Bobo wasn't coachable. Scott said that's when he had to write his essay and he called asking for help. He said he told him he wrote out this essay and he gave him some advice. He said Bobo didn't really follow his advice. He said that he's just who he is. He said that's what makes him Bobo.
Howard said Scott worked with Sal before the show and Sal is in the green room saying that Leslie West wants to get a message to his brother. He said Sal is already doing things. Gary said he's channeling Leslie. He said Sal looked stoned when he saw him and he was saying that Leslie was talking to him. He said that he asked if he's now a medium. He said Sal thinks he's in another realm and Leslie is holding stuff that needs to go to his brother.
Howard said he knows one of the things they asked him to do was hypnotize Sal into thinking he has the ability to contact the dead. Scott said he already thinks he is. Robin said give him something harder. Scott said he gave him more ability to connect. He said he was talking about his squirrel adventure and things like that.
Howard said they're going to bring Sal in soon. He said they're going to increase Sal's ability to communicate with the squirrel he met outside his home. Scott said he can become the squirrel too. Howard said Sal will become Elvis when he dies on the toilet. Scott said they have to be careful with that one. He said they don't want Sal dying for real. He said he might have a problem with that like he did with his cock going missing.
Howard said maybe they should be careful with that Elvis thing. He said Sal really freaked out about the cock thing. He said it was so real. Robin said Sal isn't that good an actor. Scott said it was very real. He said people are still saying the election was fake so things are very weird.
Howard asked if he can make Sal think he's Robin's father and he's molesting Robin. Scott said that's really creepy though. Howard said it is. He said Robin will set him straight. He said she doesn't take shit from anyone.
Howard said he's going to bring Sal up on Zoom and then they'll do something. Scott said his voice will be the strongest he hears. He said Gary is already communicating with him. Gary said Sal now says that Leslie is a spirit guide and a gate keeper. He said he might be able to bring more people over from the other side. He said Sal told him that Larry King is too fresh to bring over. He said they can throw out names to see what happens. Scott said they can try to talk to John Lennon since Howard has always wanted to do that.
Howard said Scott is at UltimateVisonaryMind.com.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he was hypnotized and did some stuff on stage. Howard said they'll have to have him on sometime to be hypnotized. Robin said Bobo said he was the best Elvis ever and came in second. Howard said today they're going to deal with Sal today.
Howard said they're going to bring in Psychic Sal to see what he's up to. Sal came on and Scott got him ready by telling him to close his eyes and take a slow deep breath in. He went through all of that and had Sal go deep into that hypnotic state he was in earlier. He told him he's going to be amazing.
Howard asked Sal if he's speaking with Leslie West. Sal said he is. Howard asked what he's telling him. Sal said he's there and he's like the greatest guy ever. He said he's so loving and caring. He said he's telling him he's got his back. He said if they break his balls on the show this is all good and all fun. He said Leslie is back to where he was in the 70s. He said he can walk again but he's got a bit of a belly and that was his favorite time in his life. He said that he's saying religion is bullshit. Howard said it sounds like he's in heaven though. Sal said he is but religion is bullshit. He said we're all one. He said Leslie loves Howard and the show very much.
Sal said Leslie has a box he wants to get to his brother. Howard asked if Leslie has wings. Sal said no but he's wearing a white button shirt. He said it's like what a waiter would wear. He said he's wearing black pants and long hair and his skin looks great. Howard asked if being dead is better than being alive. Sal said he just said there's no comparison.
Scott asked what's in the box. Sal said that it's like a jewelry box and it's got something in it that his brother needs to have. He said he's not sure why but it's aqua blue or green. He said he says he has to make sure his brother gets it. He said there's something else too. He said Leslie had a collection of guitars. He said there's one guitar that's locked away and it's not in his collection. He said he loved it so much that he kept it separate from the guitars he played all the time. He said he sees it in a closet. He said Leslie wants it out.
Howard asked Sal if he'll change his views on religion now that Leslie has said it's all bullshit. Sal said he's just confirming what he thought about it. Howard asked if they can talk to Hitler while he's there. Sal said Leslie says no way. He said that he's in a different realm and it's cold and dark and he has trillions of years to go to enlighten himself. Sal said Leslie said there's no way, no how.
Scott asked Sal to have Leslie sit down with him. Sal said that this guitar that Leslie is looking for is a guitar from Prince. Howard asked Gary to check with Leslie's wife about that.
Scott said that if they have Leslie sit down they can try to get Hitler in there. Sal said there's no way to make that happen. Howard said how about Nicole Brown Simpson. Scott had Sal check into that. Sal said that he's checking now. He said Nicole is there now. Howard asked how she's looking. Sal said she looks great. He said that her concern is her children. He said she doesn't care about the media or who was caught. Sal said that it's just turned into a circus and it's ridiculous. He said they know who did it and they'll have to deal with it when they enter the next realm. He said the focus is on the circus and not her kids and that's who is suffering. He said she wishes she could reach out to her kids. Sal sounded like he was crying as he relayed the message. He said none of the circus of the media matters and they have to put all of that behind them.
Howard said Sal seems to be feeling a tremendous pain. Sal said she hurts so much for her kids and she wants nothing to do with anything but her kids. Howard asked if she has any message for OJ. Sal said she wants nothing to do with OJ or opinions about OJ. He said that her death was her death and that's it. He said all she cares about is her kids.
Howard asked if she cares about OJ being on twitter. Sal said she's saying that all of it doesn't matter. Howard said this is amazing. He said that he's talking to Nicole. Sal said she's hurting so much. He said she's not angry. He said she just wants to be with her children.
Howard asked what Nicole is wearing. Sal said nothing but he can only see her face. He said there's nothing else there. He said she's making him aware that what she's wearing isn't important.
Howard asked if Nicole has seen Johnny Cochran up there. Sal said she has no problem with him because he was just doing his job. He said he's in a different area up there so he's learning from what he has done. He said she doesn't fault him for what he's done.
Howard asked if Nicole knows that Bruce Jenner is a woman now. Sal said she laughed and said that doesn't matter. He said it's the first time she has laughed.
Howard said Gary spoke to Leslie West's wife and she laughed at the whole thing about the guitar in the closet. Sal said here is a guitar that is separated and she has to look for it. He said that it's something about Prince and loving Prince.
Howard asked Sal about Eric the Actor and if he can contact him. Scott said he wants to make it easier for him. He had Sal take a deep breath and went into his hypnotic state again. Scott wanted him to just communicate with them directly through his heart. Sal made some grunting noises. Scott said the other thing was that Leslie could connect him with other people.
Howard said he'd like to connect with Eric the Actor. Sal said he can see him. He said he's glowing. Howard said ''Ack, ack'' to Eric. Sal said he laughed and said it back to him. He said he can walk and he speaks normally. He said Eric looks 6 feet tall and he has great hair and looks. He said his face is the same but it's much more handsome. Howard asked who wants to talk to him then. Sal said he's saying he got his fill while he was on earth. He said Howard made him happy and he's glad he was able to be on the show. He said he's very happy now. Howard said he can't be happy. He asked if he's really Eric the Actor. Sal said that it is. He said that's ridiculous. Howard asked if Johnny Fratto is there. Sal said he's not. He said Eric is in great shape.
Sal said Eric wants Howard to know that he's beyond great. He said he thinks that would make him happier. Howard said it does make him happy. He said he wants him to know that he's not angry about the ''ack, ack'' thing. He said he knows that Howard thinks about him all the time and he's doing great in heaven. He said that he's heard Howard say it in his mind that he knows that he's in heaven. He said it's exactly what he envisions for him. Sal said he's showing him that's exactly how he is now.
Howard said he wants to talk to another person and that's John Lennon. Sal said that's a big one. Scott said maybe he can ask Leslie to help with that. Sal said he's talking to Leslie now. Scott was trying to help but Sal was working on it.
Sal said that Leslie said that just because they're all rock stars doesn't mean they're all hanging out in heaven. Howard said Leslie can choose someone if he wants. Howard said how about Dawn Wells. Howard said how about Valerie Harper because she had a secret word they shared. He said he's the only person who knows it. He said he'll freak out if he can tell him what that word is. He said Regis or Kurt Cobain would be great too.
Howard said that Valerie was on the show and they came up with a word only they would know. He said it's such a random word. Sal said she's there with Leslie. Howard said how about Eddie Van Halen or Jimi Hendrix. Sal said Leslie is there and Valerie is there but not saying anything. Howard told him to have her give him the word they came up with. Sal said Leslie says this won't be as easy as he thinks. He said that Valerie is trying to send him clues to the word.
Howard said he's telling her to just cut the shit and give the word. Sal said he's got the word and he's second guessing it. He said there's wood in the word. Scott told him to just go with it. Sal said the word is an object. Howard asked if he's sure it's Valerie Harper. Sal said she's saying it but he's feeling it out. Sal said the word is a wooden object. He said it's a big tree with this object tied into it. He said it's a broom. Howard said that's it. He said Sal is amazing. He said that sarcastically. He said Sal is really in contact with the dead. Sal sad it could be tree bark. He said he sees the tree and the bark. Howard said tree bark is the word. He said a broom too.
Scott had Sal relax and go deeper and think with his heart and not with his head. Howard said he wants him to contact Robin's dad. Scott went through this thing and Sal said that Valerie reconnected and said the word. He said he has it now. Sal said the whole time she was there with Leslie she was wearing that bonnet thing on her head. Robin said it was a kerchief. Sal said she was wearing that like she did in her show. Sal said that was the word that she and Howard shared. She said that she's wearing this thing and the word is kerchief. Howard said he's amazing. He said that's the word. He said he got it. He said he's so wrong. Sal said that he knows Howard is saying he's wrong so the audience doesn't think he's right. Howard said sure. Sal said Valerie said that Howard won't let it be known on the air because he has a show to run.
Howard asked if Scott can help him contact Robin's dad. Scott had Sal go into his deep hypnosis again. He had him clear his heart and mind again. He had him put Leslie on pause for a few minutes. He told Sal to see the figure of Robin's father coming through the door. He had him step into his body and have him communicate through him.
Howard asked if Mr. Quivers is there. Sal said he is. He said he had a nickname for Robin. He said it was Robbie. Robin said she doesn't remember a nickname. Sal said he never called her Robin. Scott asked if he has a message for her. Mr. Quivers said he did a lot of drinking. Robin said that's true. He said he was angry for 23 out of 24 hours a day. He said he didn't sleep much so it was only when he was sleeping that he wasn't angry. Mr. Quivers said he was an angry son of a bitch. He said he was so angry. He said he hated himself. Scott asked what his biggest regret was. Mr. Quivers said he hated himself and he abused Robin because he wanted someone to feel his pain. He said it wasn't sexual. He said it was selfishness to pass his pain on to her. He said he wanted her to be as miserable as him.
Howard said that's pretty heavy. Sal asked if it was very hot in her room a lot. Robin asked what room. Sal said he's so angry and miserable and he drank so much that he was always hot. He said he was sweating a lot. Robin said he did sweat a lot. Sal said his forehead is wet like he just ran a marathon. He said when Robin saw him like that she knew to stay away. Robin said everyone did.
Howard asked if Mr. Quivers wants to apologize. Sal said there's no apology in the world. He said Mr. Quivers is totally remorseful. He said he's so remorseful and going through a lot on the other side for the pain he inflicted on Robin. He said that he just wanted her to have a fucked head like he did. Howard asked Mr. Quivers if he freaked out when Robin became a G-cup. Sal said that Robin's father is straight faced and all business. He said he's not laughing at those jokes. Howard said he wasn't joking. Sal said he has a wall up for anything sexual. He said it was all about inflicting pain to make her mind like his mind. He said her father has said the damage is done and the only way she can heal is for herself. He said that he could say he's sorry but the scars are still there. He said he's working on his problems now. He said he knows that it won't fix things.
Howard said it sounds like he's a highly evolved guy. Robin said he did apologize to her while he was still alive. Sal said the apology is useless. He said he's done it a billion times and it's useless.
Robin asked if he knows how she's doing now. Sal said he does. He said that she's good on the outside but terrible on the inside. Robin said she's good on the inside. She said don't tell her how she is. Sal said that what her dad did to her has not been resolved. Robin said she's 100 years old and barely remembers her childhood. She told him to stop it. Robin said she's happy now. Howard said she's speaking to a moron.
Sal said that he would come home and sit down sweaty and that was Robin's life. Robin said that wasn't her life. She said that's her life according to Sal.
Howard asked what else they can do with Sal. Scott said how about a conversation with a squirrel. Howard had him do his thing. Scott had Sal relax and got him ready for the squirrel talk. Scott had Sal forget about everyone else and clear them from his space. Sal said he's wipe out from Robin's dad. Scott told him to tap into that energy he has and re-energize himself. Sal was still talking about Robin's father and how horrible things were with his family. He said he was abused so much. Howard asked what they did to him. Sal said he was locked up and beaten all the time. He said he was beaten worse than a dog. Robin said here we go. Sal wouldn't let that go. Howard said he has to let it go.
Scott said he has to let him go. Sal said he's going now and thanking him. He said he said he's very sorry.
Scott told Sal to get to the squirrel thing. He said he wants him to imagine the squirrel and the door opening and he's able to communicate with him in English. He said he wants him to imagine putting his hands on the squirrel's head and lifting it up and placing it on his head. He said the squirrel's thoughts become his thoughts and his thoughts become the squirrel's thoughts. He said everything they say makes sense to both of you.
Sal said the squirrel is there and it's amazing. He said the eyes are like black onyx. Howard asked the squirrel what he was doing outside of Sal's house. Squirrel said that he was trying to tell him that we're all connected and everything is alive. He said rocks and sand are alive. He said every step you take and every move you make is connected. He said we have to respect everything and everyone. Howard asked why a squirrel would tell Sal all of this. He said why not come to his house instead. The squirrel said that he goes to those who seek answers. He said Sal seemed and Howard does not seek. He said that's fine to have your beliefs but Sal wanted to seek more. The squirrel said that there are many things that can convey these messages. Howard asked if he's a male or female squirrel. He said he's male. Howard asked if he has impregnated a lot of other squirrels. The squirrel said he has sex as many times as he can. Howard asked if he has a tiny cock. The squirrel said that he does have a fitting penis. He said he doesn't have an ego over genitalia. Howard asked how he attracts others. The squirrel said he leaves scents. He said he'll leave nuts or seeds around and he'll try to preserve some food and leave it for a female to have her come over and eat as well.
Howard asked if when they have sex is it like a rape or is it consensual. The squirrel said it's consensual. Howard asked if he likes a big bushy tail or a big ass. The squirrel said he likes any squirrel. Howard asked if there are homosexual squirrels out there. The squirrel said he did have another squirrel ejaculate on him. He said that he wasn't sexually attracted to him though. He said he was very horny and he needed to relieve himself. He said they don't view it as homosexual.
Howard asked how he got the load off of him. The squirrel said he just left it there. He said it didn't stay there that long. He said maybe 7-10 days. He said it finally cleared itself off.
Howard asked if he has enough acorns for the winter. The squirrel said he's in a great area. He said there's so much great stuff out there. He said that he's very happy. He said he loves the bird feeders out there. He said he leaves some food behind for the birds. Howard said it sounds like a Disney movie by Sal's house.
Howard said this has been amazing. He said he wanted to talk to Joan Rivers and others but how long can this go on. Scott said they can ask if there's anyone who wants to get through to him. Howard said goodbye to the squirrel.
Scott had Sal turn up his powers and try to hear if there's someone or something that wants to come through for anyone there. Sal said someone is there on Howard's father's side of the family. He said this woman's name is like a Mary or something. Howard said he has no Mary. He said it's his life, not Sal's life. Howard asked how the fuck he says Mary. He said he must have cleared his mind too much. Howard told Sal to tell her to fuck off. Sal said that she's telling Howard to stop fighting with spirituality. She said it does exist and he has to stop it. She said you don't just die in a box and he has to stop fighting it every night.
Howard asked why she was carrying a pocket book. Sal said she has on a white sweater with a pocketbook. He said she's very proper and very elegant. Howard asked if she has a great ass. Sal said he can't tell. He said she has normal sized tits. Howard said he knows who she is. He said that's Mary. Sal said she has just one message for him. She said the afterlife does exist. Howard said that's what Sal came up with, a Mary who told him to cut it out.
Scott asked if Leslie is still there. Sal said he is and he's loving this. He said he's like a guardian angel to him. He said Leslie just told him that he and Howard had a great relationship and it didn't matter how long they went between talking. He said that it was never an issue if they didn't talk.
Howard said he's trying to shut Sal up now. He said that Scott put on an amazing display. He said that they got to hear a lot from the other side. He said they never did get to speak to Hitler. He said he wanted to know if Joan Rivers is okay. Sal said she's great. He said Joan is saying that she died from the dumbest thing but it was meant to be and it was her time. He said she's very happy but she knows it's a bummer for everyone out there. Sal said it was part of her path and it was so ridiculous that it must have been planned. Sal said that there was a lot of shenanigans going on in the room when she died. He said she's happy though.
Howard said they spoke to Mary whoever the fuck that was. He said Scott proved that this is real. He said that they're able to talk to a squirrel. He said if anyone out there needs help then check out Scott. He said that's your man. He said that he can't even believe it. He said go to UltimateVisonaryMind.com.
Howard took a call from Sal's wife who asked Scott to hypnotize him into not watching piss porn anymore.
Howard said this was a lot of fun. Scott said he could spend a lot of time with his staff. Howard said this was great.
Gary said he was in the green room with Sal and he had this tissue with him and then he took it and wiped his ear with it and then blew his nose with it again. He said it was odd. Sal said he was under hypnosis. Gary asked if that's when he gets gross. Sal said maybe. He said Gary's brother is there and just said that Gary is an asshole.
Sal said that he did contact Gary's brother again in a dream. He said he wants him to open up and communicate with him more openly. He said Gary has cut him off. Howard said that this was great and thanked Scott for doing this again. Scott thanked him for having him.
Howard said that was interesting. He said that Sal didn't get in touch with Valerie Harper. He said that wasn't the right word. Robin said he's so much like a psychic you'd see on TV. She said he was talking about how he was seeing wood and then he came up with the broom thing. Howard went into a live commercial read an then went to break.
Howard came back and said he wanted to get in touch with Marilyn Monroe but they were too busy with everyone else that Sal was talking to. He said everyone was very reasonable and it reflected on Sal's dopey thoughts on the afterlife.
Howard said that yesterday Beth was on and they were talking about Bang o'clock. He said Beth said yesterday at 4 they were going to have Bang o'clock. He said that was on his mind all day long. He said he had to adjust his day. He said he ate lunch and fell asleep. He said he woke up around 2 or so in the afternoon. He said he had to work out a bit and had work to do. He said he had to get a move on. He said he has a treadmill so he got on that and got some of that jelly off of his belly. He said that he was walking on that and watching the show FBI. He said he loves that show. He said it's so good. Robin said she hardly watches anything on network television. Howard said it's a good show. He said it seemed like it was based on a woman on the show but she's barely on it now.
Howard said this woman is good on the show but they don't have her on enough. He said she's super hot and she's dating a guy on the show and he's not happy about that. He said that he's not sure what her name is but she's really hot. He said she needs more undercover work where she's in hot clothes too.
Howard said he was watching FBI and he only had half of it. He said the game went long on Sunday so it didn't tape the whole thing. He said he eventually got it. Robin said she's sorry she missed that game. Howard said her name is Missy Peregrym. He said he can't believe that's her real name. He said he would have guessed anything but that name. He said she's very pretty but she dresses so bad on the show. He said that they have to get her under cover and into some skimpy outfits.
Jon Hein got on and said that is her real name and she's been in a bunch of things. He said she played a gymnast in a movie called Stick It. Howard said he has to see that. Jon said she was the cool gymnast in that. Robin said she saw some of that but not the whole thing. Jon said he thinks it's right up Howard's alley.
Howard said it sounds like his kind of movie. Robin said she was in Smallville Vengeance Chronicles. Howard said that sounds like a CW type of thing and he doesn't think any nudity was in that. Robin said she also played Heidi Fleiss in a movie. Howard said there's nothing sexual going on in FBI. He said they have the same formula every week. He said that all of her male coworkers have no sexual interest in her. He said you've got to be fucking kidding him. He said everyone would be looking at her.
Howard said he really likes the show FBI. He said there's another one that's a spin off of that one and it's FBI something else. He said every episode of that starts the same. He said the guy is a single father and the show starts off the same every week. He said the father and daughter fight and then he comes home and he talks calmly with his daughter. He said it's the same formula every week. He said the guy doesn't date at all. He said the show is ''FBI: Most Wanted.'' He said it's just awesome the way the guy solves every crime. Robin said she's not interested in the personal lives of the people on those shows.
Howard asked Ronnie if he watches FBI. Ronnie said he watches both. He said that Missy was on a show called The Rookies and the uniform is her thing. Howard said she looks like she'd be hot in a good outfit. He said they should put her in a bikini. Ronnie said the partner guy has the hots for her but he won't let it out. He said he can't stand the boyfriend. Howard said he should put the move on her.
Robin said it seems like he and Ronnie are on the same wave length so they should talk after the show. Howard said he thinks that they should put her into something sexy. He said she's not always at work. Ronnie said she was always in shit outfits on the show. He said she's never dressed sexy. Ronnie said she never puts her hair down or anything either. He said she's always dressed and not hot. Howard said he's not sure why she was never in a hot outfit. He said she's always got her hair pulled back tight too. Ronnie said she looks like Ruth Buzzy with her hair pulled back like that. He said they have to ''hotter her up.''
Howard said he can see an episode where a serial killer is killing prostitutes and they take this Missy and she'd have to go under cover as a prostitute. He said that she'd have her hair down and a tittie dress on. Robin said maybe he can be a guest writer on the show. Howard said he's giving them all of these ideas for free. Robin said they should stop watching TV since they're getting so pissed off. Howard said he likes the show but it could be better.
Howard talked to Ronnie Puppet about the show FBI. Fred was coming up with ideas for the show in his creepy Ronnie voice.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they're way late to the Missy Peregrym party. He said she had a show called Rookie Blue. He said it was about rookies going through the police department. He said that everyone was hot on the show. He said that 60 percent of the show was her in a tank top and solving crimes. He said one of the girls was a lesbian. He said that's the show that Howard is looking for. Howard asked where he can get that. Ronnie said it's on one of those cable channels.
The caller asked if Howard is into the Chicago night of TV. He told Howard about all of those shows and tried to explain one of the shows but Howard cut him off.
Howard said Netflix has the NCIS shows. He said he never watched them before. He said that they do NAVY crimes. He said it's the same thing on there with this woman who has the biggest rack and she's super skinny.
Howard said he's never watched all of these shows but he's been told that he'd like the show SVU and things like that. He said he wants to see these shows that he missed. He said he and Ronnie also watch SEAL Team with David Boreanaz. The caller said he's a fat NAVY SEAL. Howard said he's good. He said he should be more ripped though. He said he should lose 15.
The caller asked if Howard ever saw the show Vikings. Howard said he has no interest in that. Robin said she liked that show. Howard said that's the last thing he wants to watch. He said he doesn't care about Vikings.
Howard said he likes crime shows. He said he and Ronnie watch another show too. He said he's not sure what it was. Howard said SVU is on Hulu so he'll try watching that on there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Missy was on a show called Van Helsing or something. Howard said he saw that. He said they didn't make her hot in that either. He said he watched that show but bailed on it because it got so bad. He said that she ends up in these things that end up being dead ends.
Howard said they must hire her thinking they can get her into hot outfits but then she gets difficult. The caller said maybe she's like the Khaleesi. Howard said maybe that's it.
Howard said maybe she's not that hot. The caller said she's hot. Ronnie said she has a good body. He said you see it in Rookie Blue. He said that she's out with the boyfriend in a scene and she wears kind of hot outfits.
Howard said they say that she had a child in April of 2020 so maybe she's afraid to be in bra and panties because of that. Ronnie said they put her under cover then so she wasn't on the show a lot around that time. He said they brought in another girl who took her place.
Howard said he thought she was going to go under cover and she'd get hot. Robin said she went under cover to have a baby. Howard said she came back and she's wearing shitty outfits again.
Howard thanked Ronnie and the Puppet for that. Ronnie Puppet said he has an idea for a show called TWAT. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him to see the movie Stick It if he wants to see Missy's body. The caller said that he saw the police giving tickets to people who weren't wearing masks in his area so he's happy to see that going on. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard took a call from a guy who was jerking off to Missy Peregrym. It was one of the staffers doing a bit.
Howard said he doesn't know what's going on in this country over this COVID. He said that there are people angry about wearing masks. He said that over 421,000 people are dead from this virus and people still refuse to help their fellow brothers. He said if you let your guard down this can happen. He said that he knows they want to visit family but this is serious business. He said he goes through this with his mother and father. He said that he basically runs their lives at this point. He said his mother thinks she needs people around her. He said he tries to talk to her but she tells him not to scare her. He said he has to scare her. He said she's in her 90s. He said his father is in his 90s. He said they're going to die id they get this COVID. He did his impression of his mother talking to him about this.
Howard said that she tells him that he's driving her crazy with this negativity. He said she thinks he's the bad guy. He said he got them not to leave their place. He said it's like wrestling with an alligator.
The caller said that his dad came over and spent the night for 2 days. He said it was incorporating his brothers family in there that did it. Howard said he could pass it along to his father too.
Robin said that they say the reason they have these variants is because people are exposing themselves to so much of this. Howard said he sees these celebrities flaunting their vacations. He said he looks at this and wonders what kind of brutish message that is. He said people are dying and out of work over this and they flaunt this vacation stuff. He asked how out of touch you must be to do that.
Howard said what you do is stay home and hunker down like everyone else. He said that's how you show people what to do. Howard said if you go on vacation keep it to yourself and don't post it on Instagram. He said just show America you're staying home. Howard said he hasn't left his house since March. He said he wanted to go take some pictures the other day. He said he thought about it and didn't go out. He said that he's not going to end up like this guy Jason fighting for his life in the hospital.
Robin said she's having the feeling that she'll get COVID before the vaccine. Howard said that's a legitimate paranoia. He said there's a cure there and it was so poorly planned out that we can't get it. He said he's hoping that Biden is able to get it out to everyone. He said it's ridiculous that this guy got COVID and there's no telling what his life will be like later.
Howard said you have to be serious about this whole thing. He said stop with the ''fake news'' shit. He said he's not sure what happened in this country. He said there used to be a small minority of people who were kooks but it seems like most of the country is kooky now.
The caller, Jason, said that he was told that a lot of the staff won't take the vaccine. Howard said his daughters are in the health care field and they've been vaccinated and happy about that.
Howard said that he's happy that Jason is doing alright. Jason said that he was told that he was very lucky. He said that people have to listen to their body a little more. He said he tried to fight this thing off. He said that his family had to drop him off at the hospital and they may never see him again.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's in the Hartford area and he works in the health care field and it's scary out there. He said that he has patients like that guy who just called in. He said there are people who have no medical history at all and they get COVID and they come in with this stuff and it's amazing how it affects people. Howard said it's ruining healthy people and they have no idea of what this will do over the long term.
Howard said he was talking to a friend of his in Florida and he was saying that every restaurant is open down there. He said they have one place where everyone goes and gets COVID. He said a lot of people have no reaction to it but you don't know what's going to happen. He said you talk to people and they think it wasn't going to be this bad and they have no idea. He said it's so sad.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's in the hospital right now. The caller said he is in the hospital and this is no joke. He said he had work related injury and he went in and got tested for COVID and tested positive. He said that he had a blood clot in his knee because of it. He said he has to lose his right leg now. Howard said oh god.
Howard asked where this guy is. He was calling from Indiana. Howard tried to figure out what he was saying. The caller, Terry, said that it was a blood clot from COVID. He said that the clot was further complicated because of COVID. Howard asked if he was being careful wearing a mask or was he being frivolous about it. The caller said he has to wear a mask at work. He said he was very diligent about that. He said that they're not N95 masks but they do have to wear something over their face. Howard asked if he was careful at home too. Terry said he didn't go anywhere. Howard said he's sorry about his leg. He said he's glad he called in. He said that he's warning people about this. He said too many people are treating it like it's nothing.
Howard said he's not sure how they got into this after talking about Missy Peregrym.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he worked on the set of FBI. He said that Missy was great. He said one time it was cold out and they ran out of ear muffs and Missy came out wearing a bra on her head to keep her warm. Howard said they should put that on the show.
Howard said he was trying to talk about Bang O'Clock yesterday but he got sidetracked. He said he has to take a break and then get to that. He said he just likes hearing conversation with Ronnie about Missy and her outfits. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he wishes Jimi had lived or they had talked to him with Sal. Robin said this music never gets old. Howard said it never does. He said he thinks even young punks can get into it.
Howard said he has so much to talk about. He said there's a guy on the phone who says that he worked at McDonald's with Missy Peregrym. He said he doesn't believe that she worked there. He said he's calling bullshit on that story. The caller said that he worked there with her up in Canada. He said she lived across the street from him. He said he dated one of her best friends. He said that the last time they talked was in like 2013. He said now he can't even get in touch with her. Howard asked what she did at McDonald's. He said she worked the drive-thru. He said he was the manager there for a while. He said every guy there wanted her. He said she dated a guy named Ryan and they didn't know how he got her. Howard said everyone thinks they can get a girl like that. He said every guy thinks her boyfriend is going to be a douche. He said that's the way guys think. Howard said guys are all the same. He said they're no different.
Howard asked if he was shocked that Missy ended up a star. The caller said not really because they grew up in Vancouver and that's a big TV and movie area. He said that she broke up with that guy Ryan and ended up dating Ben Roethlisberger. Howard said that's funny. Howard said that story Beth told yesterday is like that. He said he could have lost Beth to Larry King. He said that would have been it for him if that happened. He said that he would have been in a mental institution the rest of his life.
Howard said he and Beth are so nuts. He said that he was feeling bad about the Larry King Obit. He said that he read all of his books and stuff. He said that he hopes that people understood that he still loved Larry but that story yesterday was something they wanted to tell. He said that he gets no respect. He said that people still hit on Beth in front of him. Howard said he gets no respect.
Howard said he was stalking to Beth about it last night and she told him about 20 more stories about guys hitting on her. He said it's like a fucking pandemic. He said he really loved Larry King and what he did. He said he's really sad he's gone. Robin said she knew he had to go sometime so she was prepared. Howard said he thought he was going to make it.
Howard said if Larry King steals your woman then she was never yours to begin with. He said he thinks guys look at him and wonder why she's dating Fartman and they think they can get her too.
Howard said he complained to Beth yesterday about their way of talking about sex calling it Bang O'clock. He said that they agreed they were going to have bang o'clock at 4 o'clock yesterday. He said people were writing in asking what happened. He said that he ate lunch, took a snooze and woke up at 2. He said he had to take a shower first. He said that he worked out and had a lame work out. He said that she told him it was getting close to 4. He said she said they could get started earlier if he was ready. Howard said he said ''Oh! Okay!'' He said he whipped through that work out and got off the treadmill. He said he was down for Bang O'Clock.
Howard said that he cleaned up in the bathroom and shoved a bar of soap in his ass to make sure things were clean. He said he brushed his teeth again and got some gel in his hair. He said he made sure not to put on cologne. He said that's a rookie mistake with his wife. He said that's trying too hard. He said he used to do that on his balls. He said it was too much and Beth called him out on it.
Howard said he cleaned up and he was ready by 3:40. He said he wanted to get the ball rolling. He said Beth asked if he really said that. He said he didn't know what he was doing.
Howard said he put the blinds down and he kept it up just enough to he could see Beth. He said he likes looking at her. He said he's a visual guy. He said he told her she looks good. He said that she said she doesn't so they go back and forth with that. He said he thinks she just wants it impossible to see him in the room. He said they argue about the lighting as foreplay.
Howard said they got in bed and they were thinking that other people might take up Bang O'clock at the same time. He said he really didn't know. He said he told Beth that was a great thought. He said John and Yoko would have a bed in for peace. He said that Ringo says Peace and Love at a certain time. He said he's thinking that Bang O'Clock should be a thing during the pandemic. He said maybe this will be a thing. He said he was thinking that it was a good thing to try it.
Howard asked Gary what happened with him. Gary said that his wife knows what Bang O'Clock is and he told her about it and she said he's usually in a meeting at 4 and laughed and walked away when he said he could move things around. He said that she made a face too. Howard said why not bang at 4. He said that she could be more playful about it. Gary said she wanted to be on her own schedule.
Howard said he was thinking that they could cure the world one load at a time.
Howard said they did it around 3:40. Robin said everyone else missed the party then. Howard said he didn't last long. He said they hadn't done it in a while so he was done quickly.
Howard asked Robin if she used her fingers and got herself going at 4. Robin said she missed it because she was busy. She did wonder if they had it at 4. Howard said the one person who texted him was Ralph. He read the text and Ralph said he was busy from 4 to 4:20 with J O'clock. He said that was jerk o'clock apparently.
Gary said he didn't jerk off. He said if too much time goes between having sex you don't work at peak performance. He said the more you do it the better you can be. Howard asked why you have to sell it. He asked if Mary isn't into it. Gary said he's gotten a little fat. He said that they still enjoy it. Howard said he worries about that with Beth. He said they have been together for over 20 years so it's not the same frequency. He said you do start to wonder. Robin asked if the excitement is there. Gary said it is for him. He said he tells her that they should do it more.
Howard asked if Gary has to push for it or does she say she needs it. Gary said he pushes more because he's a guy. He said there's never a minute that he's not interested. He said that she could wake him up at 3 in the morning and he'd be into it.
Howard said every once in a while they should have a mass Bang O'Clock in the world. Robin said he could help Gary a lot with that. Howard played a Bang O'Clock song parody.
Howard said Will Murray doesn't think that Gary and Mary have had sex since the Christmas break. Robin asked why he has a theory on that. Will said that he thinks Gary isn't feeling very good right now and Mary doesn't seem interested in sex. Gary said that all of the above are not true. He said that they have had sex since Christmas for sure. Howard said there goes that theory. Gary said Will has alternative facts.
Howard said people wrote in about the Bang O'clock thing. He read some feedback where people asked how that went. He had a guy write in about being jealous thinking about that.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said no offense to Gary but he thinks his wife isn't into him anymore. He said he thinks they've moved into a different stage of life. Gary said King is a fun guy but he needs to get air time with this stuff. He said he makes up a ridiculous premise just to get on the air. Howard said you'd think that Mary would have gone along with the Bang O'Clock thing. Robin said she thinks about the time they got it on in the coat room at a party. King asked how long ago that was. Gary didn't get a chance to answer. Howard said a woman vomited while having sex with Gary once. He said she kept going after.
Howard said what he thinks is weird is that Jon Hein and his wife have more sex than Gary does. He said that's what he gets from the rumblings he hears. He said he thinks that Jon and Debbie have more sex.
Howard asked Will why he thinks that. Will said he was asked these questions and he looks like he's thinking about this a lot. He said he thinks that Jon doesn't masturbate so his wife must be helping him out with that. King asked why Jon's wife is attracted to him. He said he gets Beth being into Howard but he doesn't see the sexual attraction with Jon. Gary said he has to defend his friend. Howard said Will thinks that Jon eats a lot of pussy. Will said he can see Jon being into that. Gary laughed. Will said he thinks that Jon can get very kinky.
Howard said Will was saying in his sex life he gives his wife oral when he's in trouble. Will said she likes things to be reciprocated. He said that he'll ask for something and she'll want something in return.
Jon said he didn't realize Will had access to the cameras in his house. He said he and his wife are very happy and satisfy each other.
King asked if Jon eats her ass out or what. He said he doesn't see the attraction there. He said physically he doesn't see it. Jon asked King what he thinks she's sticking around for. He said of course he has to do things like that for her. Then he said he doesn't have to do that.
Howard said Chris thinks that Jon has a big, thick cock. He said that might be what she's sticking around for. Howard said Gary has a big beer can cock too. King asked why his wife laughs it off when he asks her to do it. Gary asked King why he can't understand why a woman can love Jon Hein based on his looks. He said people fall in love for other reasons. King said that when you look at a couple he tend to lead toward the woman and wonder why she likes him. He said that's what goes through his mind. He said he wonders ''what the fuck'' when he looks at Gary and Jon.
Howard said this is insulting to the guys. He said that's enough of this. Jon said he wants to tell King that he and Gary know that their wives are better looking than they are. He said they have pretty great relationships though. He said it can happen and it can be done.
Howard said Chris is trying to get in on this. He said that he believes that Gary's dick is very dark in color. Howard said he can describe it. He said he saw it and it was pretty girthy. He said it was dark too. Gary said it's really not. Howard said his balls were almost black. Chris asked Howard for more details. Howard said he was parading around in the locker room. He said he was jealous too because he can't do that.
Howard asked Chris how he can tell a guy has a big dick. Chris said he's good at judging that. He said he thinks that Jon's might be bigger and he might be more aggressive than Gary. Jon said he's a decent size. Gary asked why they're taking the word of a lousy dick sucker. Chris said he'll come over and suck his cock and see how lousy he is.
Howard asked what Chris thinks about Will. Chris said that he thinks he's average like Will has said but he probably has a good looking penis aesthetically.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks about men like this. Robin said if she was thinking about a man as a romantic partner she might think about it.
Gary said he sees Chris and thinks he's average size. Will said Chris has said that he has 7 inches. Chris said a lot of small guys like that have huge cocks. Howard said he's seen that in porn movies.
Howard said Chris got a lot of feedback yesterday when he and Mariann were going off on each other. Howard read through some of that feedback. Howard said Mariann left a voicemail where she wanted to make yesterday national lousy suck a dick day. She said Chris can be the leader of the pack for that. Chris said that he really does have to blow her husband. He said that he'll have to do that after he gets vaccinated. He said he doesn't want to do it but he has to blow him and turn him gay. He said he'll sleep in her bed and wear her clothes while he does it if he has to. He said he'd like to skip the linea and go ahead and get the vaccine so he can do that.
Howard took a call from a guy, Max, who said that Chris is a very sensual guy. He said he dated him a couple of years ago for a couple of months. He said he's an amazing lover and he's great at giving head. He said he'd stick a finger up his butt if he asked for it. Howard asked Chris if this is legit. Chris said he knows Max. He said he doesn't remember him sounding so gay though. He said hi to Max.
Howard asked if Chris swallows. Max said he does. He said he's one of the best dick suckers he's known. Chris said that they went out for a couple of months. He said he didn't ask him to call in either. Max said he just wanted to be his backer. He said that he thinks that he has more than 7 inches too. He said that it might be closer to 8.
Howard asked Max how long it would take Chris to make him orgasm. Max said that it takes him a while to cum but Chris could get it done in 10 minutes. Chris said they blew each other a lot. Howard said that's romantic. Chris said it was.
Howard asked why it ended. Max said that he was younger and he had to go finish up his degree in Austin. Chris said he ghosted him. Max said he did not. Chris said he did but it's okay.
Howard asked what the real reason was. He said it sounds like Chris got dumped. Chris said the relationship ran its course. He said he didn't go out of his way to contact him either. He said he's a nice guy though. Max said he did try to get back into his life. Chris said he did but it was kind of weird. He said Chris didn't admit that he ghosted him. He said he wouldn't admit it. He said that he felt like something was going on in his life that he didn't know about and it freaked him out. Max said that's true. He said he's like 3 and a half years sober. He said he was getting his life together. He said he'd love to reconnect with Chris.
Howard asked Max where Chris would land in the list of men who have blown him. Max said in the top 3. He said he's the second or third best blow jobs he's ever gotten. Chris said he'd like to know who number 1 is. Max said that Chris is the one that he'd like to connect with again. He said he loves his dark sense of humor.
Howard asked if he ever tongued his asshole. Chris said he's not sure if he ever did that. He said he's not sure what the other guys could have done with him that made him better. Howard said the other guys may have been more appealing. Max said he did say that but he wishes he hadn't.
Howard asked Max if he's better looking than Chris. Max said not at all. He said he doesn't feel that way at all. Howard said maybe the should hook up again. Chris said he can go find number 1 and 2. Howard said just hook up with him if he feels he's the love of his life. Chris said they'll see after COVID. Max said he'd like that.
Howard said maybe there's hope here. He thanked Max for the call. Max thanked them for helping him get through the darker times in his life. Howard said that's enough of a commercial for Chris' blow jobs. He said he did feel bad for him after Mariann wrote in.
Howard said Benjy picked this therapist for her looks and he never confided in her. He said he was treating it like a date. He said he thinks he was hoping he could fuck her. He said he would give anything to interview that therapist to find out why she dumped him. Robin said he definitely needs help.
Howard read some notes about this therapist. He said that the therapist dumped Benjy and told him to find another therapist. He said when Benjy did see her he'd complain about his sleeping and organization issues. He said he has issues with perfection too. He said there's no evidence of that at work. Benjy said he's misunderstanding that. He said you often get paralyzed with indecision when you're a perfectionist. Howard said Benjy is the one who is wrong about that. He said he considers himself to be a perfectionist and that's not what Benjy is talking about.
Howard said Benjy told the therapist what he does for a living and he has talked about her on the air. He said that he told her why he picked her too. Howard said this is highly unusual to be dumped like that. He asked what she told him. Benjy said she hasn't fully dumped him yet. He said that she brought up the idea of finding someone else for him. He said she canceled on him yesterday. He said she said that she wants him to think about being with someone else. Benjy said it felt a little sad to him.
Howard asked if it concerns him that she finds him so unbearable that she can't stand him. Howard asked if she's a psychologist or psychiatrist. Benjy said he doesn't think she's either. Howard asked why he'd pick someone like that. Benjy said she is a therapist and she has a degree in social work he thinks.
Benjy said that part of him is thinking that maybe she's being sincere and someone could help him better. Benjy said he was with a really high therapist a couple of years ago and it was the same thing. He said he'd feel great talking in therapy and that feels good but he never feels he has any changes.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Benjy feels he's so precise about everything but he has no idea what her degree was in. Benjy said that he wanted to remember so he could be correct. The caller asked if they can imagine the fear this lady was feeling. He said she had to have caught on. Howard said Charles Manson's therapist never quit. He said Benjy must be really dark.
Benjy said he didn't even open up about working on the show. Howard asked if she asked what he did for a living. Benjy said she may have and he didn't want to talk about it right away. Howard said this is crazy.
Robin asked if he really wants to change or is this a past time for him. Benjy said he does want to change. He said he doesn't like being without his cap and he has taken that off in front of her. Howard said there it is then. Benjy said he'll ask her if she wants to be on the show. He said he's been in therapy before and he would play clips for the therapist and she'd laugh. Howard said he would love to interview this therapist. He said ask her today or whenever and he wants to get to the bottom of this whole thing. He said it has to be a great story. He said she must have been freaked out by him like the caller said.
Howard said he's like the only guy who does an impression of Cousin Brucie. He said the guys made a call with that impression too. He played the call the guys made to a phone sex line using that Cousin Brucie impression.
Howard said the guys took his impression of Pat Robertson and called a super homophobic radio show with that impression. He played some of that call.
Robin said after January 6th she can't even laugh at this stuff anymore. Howard said that the guys took some clips of him doing an impression of Benjy stuck in a bathroom stall and they called a plumber with those. He played the clip of Sal making the call to a plumber where Howard was doing his impression of Benjy being trapped on a toilet. The plumber said he might need more help than he can give. He told Sal to call 911. Sal called back and said he needs his help. The plumber told him to call 911 and lose his number.
Howard said that's the guys using his impressions and making phony hone calls.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said to suggest that Chris should go back with that guy who said he finds 2 other guys more attractive than him is ridiculous. He said fuck him. He said he doesn't think that guy is any prize himself. Howard said he was calling in to defend Chris' blow jobs so that was nice. Ralph said that he left him for 2 better looking guys. Howard said if Ralph doesn't act quickly Chris is going to be with other guys so shit or get off the pot.
Howard said Ralph jerked off yesterday at 4. Ralph said it was a good time to jerk off. He said he had meditated at 3 and he gets horny when he does that. He said it was a good time to do it. He said he looked at some porn after and finished himself off.
Howard said they had a full show today. He said they started off with Sal and his hypnotism. He said there was a lot going on there. He said they were in touch with a lot of dead people. He said what was beautiful was Robin letting to work out her issues with her dad. Robin said Sal also contacted that Mary person in his life. Howard said he's pretty sure no Stern was ever named Mary.
Howard said tomorrow they'll be talking to Kevin Hart. He said it'll be a big show tomorrow. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:35am.
Howard started the show talking about how he loves that Kevin Hart routine where he talks about how his wife can have money or a guy who can give it to her good. He said he's like the hardest working guy in show business. He said he'll talk to him about that today. He said he won't do this now so he'll hold off on that until later. He said he was about to talk about it but he gets up at like 3 in the morning and does his work out and then hits the business trail. He said he has a lot going on.
Howard said Kevin is probably worth 10 billion dollars. Robin said there's nothing wrong with that. Howard said he wants some inspiration today. He said he'll try to suck up to him to get in on some of those ventures. Robin said last time he was there he said he bought into Tommy John underwear. Howard said he likes them too but he just bought the underwear. He said Kevin bought into that Hydrow company. He said he's afraid to do stuff like that. He said his father wanted to invest in Kentucky Fried Chicken but his mother convinced him not to. He said he blames her for them not being millionaires. He said he could have had Donald Trump type inheritance. Robin said he just had to step over and do it. Howard said he knows.
Howard said he's going to wait to get into that Kevin Hart stuff. Robin said this should motivate him to do stuff since his father didn't. Howard said they convinced him that 9 times out of 10 when you do invest you lose money. He said that his father had a recording studio and he did research into doing some upgrades. He said he needed money and a bicycle company bought into it and his father got stock in the bike company. He said he thought it was going to be a big boom with bicycles. He said it had become huge at the time. He said all he got was stock. He said they paid for the renovation. He said his father was really happy about it. Then every bike company went through the roof except for this one. He said after his father closed the deal Consumer Reports came out and in last place was this bike company. He said if you want a really shitty bike go to this company.
Howard said his life got a lot worse after that. He said his father wasn't happy about that. He did an impression of his father complaining about the whole thing. He said the bike company went out of business and his father had to figure out how to buy back the company and all of that. He said it was a nightmare.
Howard said his father would freak out about his mother telling him not to buy into the KFC thing. He said it was crazy. He said he knew his life was going to get worse. He said his father would become more distant. Robin said he's been afraid that he'll make a mistake and his money will disappear.
Howard said he loves plant based food like Gardein. He said he thinks that people will eat more and more of that type of food. He said it tastes like meat. He said if he took a couple of bucks and bought into it maybe he'd make money. He said he has a feeling it would be like his father and the bicycle company. He said it's hard to make money so he doesn't want to risk what he's made.
Robin said she got into a car in Los Angeles about 4 years ago and the guy driving told her to buy into Beyond Meat. She said she wasn't going to take advice from him. Howard said he may have had a good suggestion. He said that company is one that Kevin Hart owns. Robin said he must have listened to the guy. Howard said it went up 25 percent in the market yesterday. Robin said they just made a deal with Pepsi so the money is pouring in. Howard said that's a big deal.
Howard said he's not looking to spend money on things like that. He said he wants to save his money. He said he has to ask Kevin how much he loses. He said no one wins 100 percent of the time. He said he doesn't want to burn out the topic.
Howard said he was watching this video of Kevin and Jimmy Kimmel doing a thing there they were playing basketball. He said Jimmy is in better shape than he is. He said he'd bet that he has over 20 percent body fat and Jimmy is less than that. He said he'll be so depressed if that's the case.
Howard said he watched this whole Olivia Jade thing. He said the guys said it was like 15 minutes long but it may have been even longer. He said she was in her bed journaling. He said then she feeds her dog. He said he watched her doing all of this.
Howard said he watched her making coffee. He said he has no idea why but he watched it all. Robin said he must be reliving his childhood and being left out. Howard said Olivia Jade made her coffee and then her breakfast. He said he figured she made eggs with toast and a bagel with cream cheese or butter on it. He said he didn't think she was actually eating that. He said her kitchen was really nice too. He said he was wondering how she pays for all of this. He said it was like a nature documentary. He said he was watching a natural chick in her natural habitat.
Howard said then Olivia Jade gets into this bra top to work out. He said she had on these super tight yoga pants on and her sneakers were super clean. He said she's constantly looking at herself and fixing her hair. He said she has her hair falling in her face all the time and she has to move it. He said she went to work out on a treadmill and that stuff too. He said then she has to edit her videos. He said she comes back later and says she forgot how hard it is to edit her videos.
Robin said this is insufferable. Howard said she says that she knows how lucky she is that she gets to make videos. He said she says it is tiring though. Robin said that sounds like a complaint to her.
Howard said she even talked about doing that Red Table Talk thing. He said she wasn't going to answer questions about that in her own video. He said she told people to go watch that Red Table show. He said then she made dinner and things like that. He said she showed her day in quarantine.
Howard said for him to get famous he had to put on a Fartman outfit and convince station managers to do stuff. He said it was exhausting to be famous. He said now kids show what they're wearing in bed and they get famous. Robin said she saw a video of two guys who listen to rock music and they show their reactions to it. Howard said he's not into that but he knows who she's talking about.
Howard said some guys just sit and play video games all day and they get famous. He said that Kevin talks about how they took fame away and that's what he's talking about. He said it's social media and all of that. He said he hates social media. Robin said they do unboxing videos and get famous.
Howard said Olivia took some chicken and broccoli and cooked it in the oven. He said she had some side dish she made too. He said she burned the broccoli and she had some crackers with the chicken. He said he was interested in all of this. Robin said he's still fascinated by this after going to therapy for how long. Howard said he has to admit that he was into it. He said he doesn't bring it up with his therapist.
Robin said Ellen had this Amanda Gorman on and she's amazing. She said just watching her talk to Ellen was fascinating. She said she's incredible. Robin said she told a story about hearing Michelle Obama yelling at Barack to stay away from people and then she went over and gave her a big hug. She said this girl was interesting, not Olivia Jade.
Howard said Olivia Jade had avocado and seaweed instead of the broccoli that she had burned. He said she roasted it into a cracker. Howard played some audio from the Olivia Jade video.
Howard said you watch her writing her affirmations in a book. He said being a hot chick seems to be a lot of fun. Robin said she's probably miserable. Howard said she doesn't look miserable.
Howard said this is Olivia complaining about how tough it is to edit her videos. He played some audio of her talking about that.
Howard said she's a good editor. He said she really is interesting in those videos. Robin asked if he believes she's really doing it. Howard said he does. He said maybe she has some dude who does it for her. Robin said she probably has a company that does it for her.
Howard played another clip of Olivia talking about loving what she does. Howard said meanwhile her mother was cleaning a toilet in prison.
Howard said he loved that whole video. He said imagine you're a Pakistani woman who sees that and you've lived your whole life having one meal a day and have 10 children. He said then you see that. He said you were sold off for a cow and then you see Olivia Jade saying you have to do what you love. He said she's always thanking the audience for watching you too. He said it gets you more viewers. He said she should have cut to her father in prison getting beaten with a food tray. Howard said he and Robin should edit those videos. He said they could put stuff like that in there.
Howard said they could have video of some kid looking for food in feces while Olivia is burning her broccoli and throwing it away. He said he did watch all of that video and enjoyed it. He said he should tell his psychiatrist but he's too ashamed.
Howard played some audio of Olivia talking about the Red Table Talk show and how many questions were answered there. He laughed as that played. He said it's just great. He said she's not getting into anything deep in these videos.
Howard said she's suffering with the editing of her videos but there are people around the world who don't have clean drinking water or they've suffered with Malaria. Howard said he watched it and he knows it's ridiculous but what is he going to do. Howard said he's so glad he's not 15 now. He said it would be tough getting into radio now. He said he'd be in his bedroom showing how he makes his dinner and no one would give a shit. He said he'd be jerking off hoping for someone like Olivia Jade to be his girlfriend. He said if he wanted to be famous today he'd be dancing on TikTok.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him to go upstairs and open Beth's purse and find his tiny balls. He said he can't believe any grown up man is watching this shit. Howard said that's what he's watching. He said he's not into sports. The caller said it's baffling that he's into this. He said it's not appropriate to tell people to watch this stuff. Howard said maybe he'll make a video like that for his fans. He said he'll talk about what he eats and show how he cleans his blueberries and makes his hot water.
Howard said he's going to do it and make a video. He said if he showed his ritual of how he cuts his toe nails he'd have a million viewers. He said he thinks a good video would have been him making the bed this morning. He said that would be good. He said he's not sure how Olivia Jade does all of that. He said she must have gear. Robin said she probably has good lighting. Howard said it's probably better than their stuff. He said being famous is worthless now according to Kevin Hart.
Howard said the Twitter account is @RightWingWatch. He said that's where they get this stuff from. Howard played some audio of Pat Robertson saying that God spoke to him. He said if someone else said that they'd be locked up because they're mentally ill. Howard played more of that audio where the religious kooks were saying that Trump was going to win the election. It was one after another saying they were sure he was going to win.
Howard said imagine that hillbilly is getting messages from God. He said if he said that Robin would have him locked up. He said there are certain places you can do that and people will send you money. He said it's remarkable how many marks and dupes there are in this country. He said now they have to explain why God lied to them. He said this is a pastor from Waco, Texas who explains what a prophecy is. He said he basically tells his followers that they're idiots for listening to what he said. Howard played the audio and the guy was rambling about the prophecy thing and how it's a setting in motion of what can happen. He said just because something is prophesied doesn't mean it's going to happen.
Howard said that sounds like when Benjy is late and he's explaining why he's late. He said he loves how people are saying yes sir that's what it is. He said some of these prophets apologized for what they said but this guy said that they should not apologize because that's wrong. Howard played some audio of this guy talking about prophesying and how this guy came and stole this guy who died after making a prophecy. He said stop apologizing because satan is a their.
Howard said if you make a 50/50 bet and lose you just blame it on Satan. He said all of these guys have excuses for what happens. He said that the people buy into it. He said they don't get that these guys are goofing on you. He said they're like snake oil salesmen.
Howard said all of this is the moron segment of the people out there. Robin said people can write a check and keep a roof over their heads but they can't figure out what's real or not. Howard said you can't change stupid. He said his father used to tell him that.
Howard said he could have made millions speaking in tongues. He played another clip of this pastor blaming the media for the election outcome. He asked if they have told the truth in the past 4 years. The crowds said no.
Howard said that all of that is gobbledygook. He said this guy predicted Trump would win but he didn't say that God told him that. Howard played the audio where the guy said that he didn't say it was the word of the lord. It came from a tree. He said he just said he believes with all of his heart that Trump would remain president.
Howard asked who he's yelling at. He said he can't believe people get into that. Howard did his impression of those guys just talking bullshit.
Howard said this guy says that Mitch McConnell got an Illuminati hand signal when he was doing something. Howard played some audio of that guy talking about all of that nonsense.
Howard said that there are a ton of these guys. He said he has so many clips. He said that a lot of these guys had egg on their face so there was a lot of scrambling going on. He said this guy had group prayer over Zoom. He said that was responsible at least. He said it sounds like a Ronnie meeting. Howard played the clip and the guy was talking about praying for Biden to come clean about the election.
Howard said that it's such a great story that there's a god who speaks to these people and there's a devil down below. They can blame either one for whatever happens. He said that it gives a comfort to people. He said it's a children's story but people continue to believe it. Howard played more of the audio of the Zoom meeting where people were talking over each other. Some of them were speaking in tongues. Howard said that's a Zoom prayer. Fred played the Grandpa Al Lewis ''Bla, bla, bla'' clip over that.
Howard said that these people are so nuts that they think Mitch McConnell is in the Illuminati and switched sides.
Fred played a Seth Rogen clip after that. Robin said that Seth is in a twitter fight with Ted Cruz. She said all of his responses to Ted are ''Fuck you racist.''
Howard said there was a scoreboard that showed a 2 45 2 and this preacher thought that Trump was going to have 2 terms. He said this other guy tried to reverse the election results with music. He said he prayed and spoke in tongues to reverse the election results. He said it's pretty awesome. Howard played the clip of the song this guy performed.
Howard did his impression of that guy speaking in tongues because he has nothing to say. He said it's crazy.
Howard said he had more tapes but how much more can you take. He said so much of the country has gone insane. Robin said it has been for a long time. She said she calls on the mental health professionals and asked where they are. Howard said they're more tired than Olivia Jade.
Robin said she went to one of those kind of churches when she was young. She said she had to sit there with the crazy adults jumping up and down and doing all of that. Howard did more of his impression of the guy singing the song while speaking in tongues.
Robin said she knew it was a scam because she'd watch it and wonder what was going on. She said one day a guy was in a fit because Jesus had entered him and he stepped on her food and then said ''Oh, excuse me.'' She said she knew it was a joke after that.
Howard did more of his speaking in tongues thing and said a bunch of nonsense from song lyrics and threw in some Baba Booey and Hit 'em with the Hein stuff too.
Robin said in her church she'd ask what was going on and her mom would tell her what they were happy. Howard said his mom used to send him to religious training every week. He said that she never had it but he had to be insufferably bored in his life. Howard kept going into that speaking in tongues thing and he'd say all kinds of nonsense. He said it's fucking crazy.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has to tell him that she is laughing her ass off. She said she's a Jewish girl who went to Hebrew school. She said that she never imagined listening to someone talk like that. She asked if Howard can imagine a Jewish person listening to that. Howard said it's all crazy.
The caller said he just made her day today. Howard said it's the same bullshit going on in Washington. He said he thought Rand Paul had some sense but he's up there saying that it's unconstitutional to impeach Trump after that insurrection. He said that everything is crazy right now. He said we have to pray that this all goes away some day.
Howard played a clip of a preacher talking about the wind blowing in Washington DC and how the winds of change are upon this nation and we won't go backwards. Howard said it's like Sal being in charge of his religious beliefs. Robin wondered if Sal thinks this stuff is nonsense but what he believes is true.
Howard said Sal was crazy talking to Nicole Brown. Sal said he was gushing tears in a second. Robin said he's crazy, that's how that happened. Sal said he's sure he tapped into Nicole Brown.
Howard said Sal tapped into Leslie West and his wife Jenny told him that Sal gave her a great laugh yesterday. He said he has to find that note he got from her. He said he'll have to find it during the commercials. He said she said that it just cheered her up hearing that Sal thing. He said that she could almost hear his loud guffaw when Sal was talking about some of that stuff.
Howard read some fan feedback about Sal and what he did yesterday on the show. He had some comments about when Sal was speaking as a squirrel. He talked about how he had a load from another squirrel on his side for about a week. Howard read some comments about how real hypnotism is. Howard said that people really liked Scott Schmaren and think he deserves an award for what he's done as a guest on the show. Howard said that he couldn't agree more about how good he is on the show.
Howard said he has this highlight moment from yesterday when Sal channeled Nicole Brown Simpson. He played a clip of Sal breaking down crying when he was speaking to her. Robin said even Sal can't believe that. Sal said he was wondering who that guy was.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said Sal really believes that stuff and you hear it in his voice. He said he thinks he'd pass a lie detector believing that stuff. He said he's a treasure to the world. Howard said a lot f the fans are calling Sal the Moronic Medium. He said that he may have his own show soon.
Howard took a call from Apples who asked if Robin believed for a second that Sal was really speaking to her father. Robin said not at all. She said he was off with the alcoholism thing and everyone sweats. Howard said don't believe for a second that Sal has psychic powers. He said please don't feed into that. He said a broken brain is right twice a day. He said Sal sees signs all over the place and he has a song parody about that. He played the song. He thanked Sal for the entertainment yesterday.
Howard went into a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he ran into Billy Squier a couple of years ago. He said it was good to see him. He said he never cared about the way he rolled around in the bed in that video. He said that he was really talented. He said that he was talking to him but didn't bring that video up. He said he knew Billy back in the 80s when he worked in Detroit.
Howard said people from Detroit have a weird accent. He said he was watching Dax Sheppard on Ellen and he figured he must be from Detroit or Michigan at least. He said this kid he knew in Detroit had that accent. He said it turns out Dax is from that area. He said it's such a strange accent. He said it's really unique. He said he wishes he had an example of it. He said that it's weird with the Boston accent and the NEW York accent. Robin said Baltimore has one too. Howard said Pittsburgh has one. He said that Beth can do it. He said she does it really well. He said next time she's down there he'll have her do it. He said if you ask ''where are the bowls'' it turns into ''werebowls.'' Howard said he thought Boston was weird but Pittsburgh is really strange.
Howard said for those people who watch The Bachelor he has an update. He said Beth is concerned with the Bachelor licking his lips before kissing the girls. He said he also keeps his eyes opened when he kisses a girl. He said most people close their eyes. Robin said everyone does. Howard said all of the staff close their eyes. He said the only explanation is that he's on TV and he's kissing 30 different women so he must look to see who he's kissing. He said some of the women on that show are so bat shit crazy that he'd keep his eyes open too.
Howard said that he kissed a lot of crazy women in his life. He said he didn't have high standards. He said no one was looking to party with him before he got famous. He said he got into that with his shrink. He said he's sure that no one likes to be with him in person. He said that he doesn't think that people enjoy being with him.
Howard said that no one enjoyed him growing up. He said he had to get on radio and become something new for people to enjoy him. He said he doesn't believe that anyone is enjoying him when they're with him. Robin said he's an absolute pleasure. Howard laughed. Robin said she does believe that. Howard said most people don't like being around him and he doesn't like being around people. Robins said he sends off a vibe. Howard said of course he is.
Howard said it hasn't been an easy life for him. He said no one would talk to him when he was growing up. He said he was astounded by that.
Howard said he can only recall turning down one woman. He said she was quite plump. He said that he wasn't into her and he knew it wasn't going to go anywhere. He said that she was a nice looking girl but there was something there. He said that he turned down one other girl because her breasts smelled. He said they were making out and he unbuttoned her shirt and wanted to kiss her titties. He said that there was a smell there. He said that he decided to stop now and not go any further. He said that she was a good looking woman too. He said he wasn't able to get the smell out of his nose. He said it was like two bags of garbage on her chest. He said he wasn't sure what it was.
Howard said there were a couple of times that he turned down a person. He said that he can't say he never turned down anyone. He said he has turned down girls in high school. He said he was 17 and a friend tried to get him to hook up with a 13 year old. He said that guy had real trouble getting girls. He said he wasn't a real friend. He said he was just an acquaintance.
Howard said most of the time he wouldn't turn down a girl. He said there weren't many objections. He said it was hard work getting someone to like him. He said he wasn't a likeable guy. Howard said he saw a lot of ugly mother fuckers with good looking women growing up.
Howard said the Bachelor kisses with his eyes open. He said no one on the staff said that it's not normal. He said JD and Jason said they take a peek though. He said that JD has caught himself on occasion opening his eyes to take a peek. He said he thinks he must be fantasizing about it because he's only had a few women. JD said in instances of kissing a woman, not multiple women.
Howard said he doesn't have a possession like that. He said Robin bought him a Fountain pen by Pelican and he loves that pen. He said that's one of his favorite things. He said he's sure that Robin doesn't remember getting that for him. Robin said she does.
Howard said he feels so bad for JD with that spelling bee trophy. He had some audio of JD talking to Wolfie about why it means so much to him.
Howard said in 4th grade he won an all state writing award. He said he threw that away. JD said it took him a long time to throw away his little league trophies. He said this thing is the only thing he could think of when he was asked about it. Howard said JD said that's the first thing he'd grab if here was a fire in his apartment.
Howard said they asked JD if he would sell that trophy for $1000. JD said he'd rather have the trophy. He said anything below $100,000 he'd turn down. Howard played a clip of him talking about that.
Howard said he remembers the trophy he won for writing. He said his mother walked in the room and asked what that was collecting dust in his room. He said she complained that she had to dust it. He said she told him to throw it away and she was right. He said he'd throw that thing out if he were JD.
Robin said she had a letter jacket for a scholarship and she has no idea where that is. Howard asked JD to spell pathetic. JD said okay.
Howard said that can't be a good memory for him. He said he was kind of nerdy and not popular in school. JD said that's why it means more to him. Howard asked if he would be upset if his wife accidentally broke that trophy. JD said he would probably try to glue it back together. Howard asked if he can't think of something better than that in his adult life. JD said there are things from family and his wife. Howard told him to name one. JD said he can't think of one.
Howard said he wants to see his spoons. JD said he has them but they're kind of nasty. He said he has a Goofy spoon and a Universal Studios spoon there.
Howard asked JD puppet how he's doing. Fred went into his impression and talked about the girl he had do the peanut butter thing and that's one of his favorite possessions.
Howard said he likes it when the puppet talks to JD directly. Fred did some of that too.
Howard said Wolfie spoke to Jon Hein about his favorite possessions. He said that they peaked in their early ages. He said they assumed it would be fast food related but Jon said it was the baseball he hit as a kid. Howard played the audio of Jon talking to Wolfie about that.
Jon said it also meant something to him because his father was so happy when he saw him hit that ball. He said he thought he was going to be a pro baseball player after that.
Howard said he sees that JD has a baseball on his shelf there. JD said he's not sure what that is. He said he thinks it's just a ball he had. He said it's just there.
Howard said his advice to both of them is to take the 100 grand for those things if they're offered the money.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they noticed that The Bachelor opens his mouth so wide that it goes down on their chins. Howard said he noticed that too. He said that he's no expert but he knows that you start with your mouth closed. Robin said he's a terrible kisser so maybe he has no chemistry with any of those women. Howard said he knows women hate that open mouth thing. He said that you shouldn't even tongue kiss with women. He said just keep your mouth closed. He said calm down. The caller said it is gross.
Howard said he went to kiss Beth goodbye and he opened his mouth and jammed his tongue in there. He said she was freaked out by that.
Howard took a call from a guy who kept asking how they're doing so Howard was about to hang up. The caller said he called because he wanted to know if he remembers that Long John Neville's co host was Candy Jones. Howard said he did. The caller said that they were the first ones to do the alien thing and had people on the show who had encounters and all of that. Howard said that's great to be known for that. He said there's nothing else to talk about. Howard said he wasn't a huge fan of Neville's but he did listen to him occasionally.
The caller asked if he was into Gene Sheppard. Howard said he wasn't into those stories he would tell. He said he wasn't into Gene. He did his impression of Gene telling his stories.
The caller asked if he was an Alex Bennett guy. Howard said he was more a Bob Grant guy but Alex was very talented too. The caller said Bob Grant was genius. He said that he had tremendous knowledge. Howard said he was the best radio he ever heard. He said it was the greatest radio.
Howard said he has to go. He said this guy is all charged up. He wasn't able to talk without him talking over him.
Howard said Bob Grant was great with talk radio. He said there were so many guys who had radio shows and they could talk. He mentioned some other guys too. He said that there were guys with tremendous knowledge. He said Leon Lewis was great. He said Bernard Meltzer was good. He said he ate sardines during his show. He said his father would listen to him and complain that he would give advice on other things that he didn't know about. He said his father would be going off on this guy for that and freaking out about it. He said everything irritated his father. He said he was so nervous and wishing that they'd put Bob Grant on.
Howard said that he met Robin and he had to have something other than just the news. He said he had to be able to interrupt the news with his opinions. He said that all came from his father freaking out about the news. He said he had voices in his head telling him what to do. He said everything was radio to his father.
Howard did an impression of what the Bernard Meltzer show sounded like and giving the advice he'd give. He said that guy's show became ''What's your problem'' and that's when he became Dr. Meltzer. Howard said that's when his father said that he didn't know anything. He said Meltzer had a doctorate so he was called Doctor. Howard said he has to get to Kevin Hart. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about the song he had playing. He said he dances to that. He said he'll do that later for Robin. Howard said he and Beth are having a dance party at home. He said they've been locked up so long that he stared dancing with her when she came into the room the other day. He said that you should see him dance. Robin said she has.
Howard said Kevin Hart is there. He said he's such a big star. He said he's the biggest name in comedy right now. He said he's so busy doing everything. Robin said she hears other comedians saying ''Fuck Kevin Hart'' so he must be doing well.
Howard said it's good to see Kevin. Kevin said it's good to see him too. Howard said he has a mural behind him. He asked if that's a painted mural. Kevin said he has a shit load of them around his house. He told Howard who is in that one. He said he has them all. Howard asked who paints them because it must inspire him. Kevin said it does. He said he guy ie Leyland Sharp. He said he has the people who have opened the doors and paved the way for what he does now.
Howard said he thinks Ellen is very underrated. He said she deserves a place on his wall. Kevin said he agrees. He said she didn't do it for 20 years and got back up and did great. Howard asked why it's so hard. Kevin said it's hard to keep it up if you step away from it. He said you have to figure out the rhythm out again. He said you have to have a purpose behind the set. He said you have to built it. He said that takes time. He said it can take 8 months to a year to get it where you want it. Kevin said that you're your own toughest critic too. He said you're trying to get to a place of old and you have to be new too. He said it's a difficult balance.
Howard said he imagines that Eddie Murphy hasn't come out with a new special yet because he has to work on the act. Kevin said that the plateau that he reached is insane. He said he knows Eddie very well and he's wondering what else he's going to do. He said he has to enjoy it and he's not going to win if he's going to be judged on his past. He said he's still compared to his specials of old. He said they want him to go back to the old material. He said you grow up and mature and change. He said you constantly evolve. He said the stuff that was dope for you back then isn't what it is now. He said you don't do the crazy stuff you used to do. Kevin said you don't want to throw things in people's faces so you have to be careful what you open up about now. He said it's either too much or too less. He said it's a game.
Howard said it's a shame because Eddie Murphy was so great and he wishes people weren't so judgmental. He said that there's such pressure to be better than you were. He said that people will say that he was better back then. He said that it can literally clam a guy up and shut them down. Kevin said people have always been judgmental but now they have a platform to get it out to everyone. He said you never heard it in the past. He said now you know what everyone is saying about you. He said it can be a thing of discouragement. He said some people care and some don't. He said what he's been able to do is figure that you're never going to be able to please them all. He said if you're happy doing what you do then just do it. He said you will never please everyone. He said that will never happen.
Howard said that's so highly evolved. He said he has been in therapy for 20 years and he has tried to engrain that he doesn't have to come on here and prove himself every day as long as he's happy with himself. He said if he thinks he did a good job then that's enough. He said they get caught in the fame game. He said he thinks that's why Eddie won't do stand up.
Kevin said he has talked to Eddie. He said he's a friend and a mentor. He said he'll ask why he doesn't get on stage and Eddie says maybe. He said that Dave Chappelle deserves the crown right now. He said he's on a different playing field with his approach to the craft. He said if you sit in a room with Eddie you will laugh from the beginning of the day to the end. He said he loves to be funny and joke and laugh. He said there's just no want or reason to want to step back into that place until he feels like he's ready for that moment. He said why do it if he doesn't want to do it yet. He said he doesn't need to do it right now. He said Eddie wants to make sure that he's at the top of his game if or when he does it again.
Howard said Eddie has money and a life and family now. Kevin said he doesn't think it's the success and money. He said that their job takes them away. He said they're able to be present when you have the money. He said that you have to put that time and energy into what you've built and that thing is family and love and friendship. He said when you look at the household and the wife and kids it becomes a thing of needing to be there. He said you worked hard to be there and now you need to be there. He said when you flip flop and see what happens when you are around it's a talent. He said that becomes a new love and craft and joy. He said people can lose perspective of that. He said that he gets to see his kids when they come home from school. He said he and his kids can play in the back yard together now.
Howard said he has a hard time hanging out with people he idolized. He asked if he can be himself around someone like Eddie Murphy. Kevin said there's the shock period when you can't believe your surroundings. He said you see all of these guys you know from comedy and they're hanging around you. He said then there's a moment when you realize that those people are just good people. He said they're just themselves. He said a light bulb goes off and you realize that they're allowing you in their circles because they see the good in who you are. He said it's not just the talent. He said when that happens you don't even think about the success side. He said if he sees Eddie or Rock or Chappelle it's the individual you think about. He said it's not the star. He said he's been lucky enough to get great advice and guidance and direction in his life. He said they tell him to make sure he checks on himself.
Howard asked if he feels great hanging out with Eddie and feels like he has to keep up. Kevin said you just have to step back. He said you give the respect that's deserved and due when you're around legends like that. He said it's not about you. He said it's not about the younger guy. He said you're there to listen and be a sponge. He said that's not the effort. He said his task isn't to be on his A game. Howard said that's not how he feels.
Howard said he got to go to Steve Martin's house and he felt like he had to be on his A game. He said every word out of Steve's mouth is funny and he's not even trying. He said he may not even know how brilliant he is. He said he's wondering why he's at dinner with this guy. He said he's contributing nothing to him and he felt inadequate. He said it's crazy.
Kevin said that he went to dinner one night. He said it was Chappelle, Chris, Eddie and Tucker. He said they all went to dinner and they went to Mastros in Beverly Hills. He said they all sat down and had this great dinner. He said that he realized it was so great because they were all listening to Eddie give stories with pizzazz and personality. He said they were all dying laughing. He said no one was trying to one up the story or anything. He said they were feeding off of Eddie's energy. He said that was them bowing down to the GOAT. He said that they all sat around and listened to Eddie and joked and laughed with Eddie. He said they shared a bond but it was one of respect. He said they were looking at him like he was the reason why they can sit at that table. He said there were people who were big before him but Eddie made it Rock and Roll. He said that the only two comedians who got to that point where it was an event were Eddie and Andrew Dice Clay. He said that's who's responsible for that.
Howard asked Kevin about the guys who have to do the one upmanship thing. He said that there are guys who do that and could have ruined that night. Kevin said that he knows why. Howard said he was in a room with a guy who had to do that. He said that he kept having to joke and he wouldn't just shut the fuck up. Kevin said that his assessment is that it's very hard to make it. He said there's always one guy like that. He said that it's always just one. He said that if you look at it there's just one fucking guy who is big. Howard said right now it's Chappelle. Kevin said that the other sea of people who are funny and have talent are looking for their opportunity. He said every room can be an opportunity in their minds. He said they think they can make it. He said if you're on your A game then you might get a shot. He said that you think that's what could happen. He said there's nothing wrong with thinking that way. He said it's about getting seen an known. Howard said that's a great explanation. He said he gets it now. He said everything is an audition for those guys.
Howard said he's looking at Bernie Mac over his shoulder. He said he thinks that guy was the funniest he's ever heard. He said he had a great delivery. He said he could make the phone book funny. He said sometimes he didn't understand what Bernie was saying but it was musical. Kevin said on the Kings of Comedy there was a period when Bernie wasn't closing. He said he was going second to last. He said he was a feature. He said it came to the point where he had to go last because you never wanted to follow him. He said that he destroyed every room he performed in. He said that there was nothing left after he did his set. He said you may get laughs but it wasn't the laughs that the crowd was able to give. He said he'll always have a place on his wall in his home. Howard said he died too young.
Howard asked Kevin if he had to follow Bernie Mac would he ever just say fuck this and not go out after him. Kevin said that you have no choice. He said you don't have stage opportunities like that come along often. He said if someone has to go out there you have to go out when you have the chance. He said Dave Attell bumped him once at the Comedy Cellar. Howard said that he's a killer. Kevin said he had to go after Dave and it wasn't good. He said he laid a dud up there. He said he understood that he just wasn't there yet. He said he had to get better. He said you have to paint a picture up on stage and you have to have the control up there. He said if you don't have that control then you aren't doing your job. He said he learned that after following Attell. Howard asked if he bombs and figures he has to come up with something. Kevin said you improve and you know that you have to do that by doing the work. He said it became the shitty spots that he had to keep doing.
Howard said that he watches these specials and most of the comedy seems to be getting 10 minutes on stage. He said it's constant waiting around. He said that it's brutal. Kevin said it's like when you watch old gladiator movies and you had the King who would judge. He said he'd judge and give a thumbs up or down. He said that there was one person dictating the future of the person. He said stand up is the only thing that's like that. He said it's the only thing that you are judged by as soon as you start out. He said you have to go through an individual who is deemed to be a comedy expert but they may not know what comedy is. He said they are the one person to give you that chance. Howard asked if that's like Mitzy Shore. Kevin said he has a list of people who are like that. He said you know some of those people don't know fucking funny. He said he knows that those people should not be doing that job but he has to figure out that route. He said it's a big punch in the kidney.
Howard asked if Kevin ever went to someone and said ''I told you that you should have put me on.'' Kevin said he has never reached that level of anger or aggression. He said they have to live with that the rest of their lives knowing that they never got that close to him.
Howard asked Kevin about a story that Chris Rock told about how his kids don't think he's funny but they love Kevin Hart. Howard said that was very big of him to say that. He said that they don't remember him that much but they know Kevin. He asked if that made him happy. Kevin said the acceptance of your peers is the best part of that. He said that he got the nod from him. He said you can read reviews or whatever. He said that people show him love and it's almost an emotional thing for him. He said he decided to do what he's doing because of that person and when they tell you that it's dope and funny as shit it means a lot.
Howard said that he's spoken to Chris off the air and he will be talking about something heavy and dead serious and he's laughing at him. He said that he doesn't even know that he's being funny. He said that he just knows how to make it funny. Kevin said that Chris has consistently worked too. He said he's always worked. He said he's done it all too. He said he's a guy who has never not worked. He said that some comics grab it correctly and use it to their advantage. He said Chris has taught him how to diversify. He said that he didn't know that they could do some things. He said Chris taught him that. He said that he didn't know that writing, producing and directing was an option. He said that's where you start to see that people around you are weapons and blueprints.
Kevin said that the businessman he is came from pieces of all of those X-Men. He said it's incredible. Howard said it can be heart breaking. He said he hates this story but he loves Don Rickles. He said that story makes his heart break for him. He said that it's a horrible story. He said it was a bad night.
Kevin said he'll tell the story. He said Don Rickles is a guy who his audience probably knows. He said that he's not trying to defame him. He said he came up in an era where his aura on stage was racially based. He said he was a comedian who went there. He said it was about black people and how they were perceived. He said he went to a Vanity Fair party and he was on the rise himself. He said he was becoming Kevin Hart. Kevin said he used to be the guy you had to snap your fingers to try to remember who he was.
Kevin said that Don Rickles wanted to meet him at this party so he went to meet him. He said that he thought that was great. He said he went over and Don had his own table there at the party. He said Don gets up and he was being briefed on who he was. He said that he knows what that's like. He said he may or may not know who he is. He said Don calls him over and grabs his cheek and says ''You look like a little monkey!'' He said that he's not going to say that he's the most sane person in the world. He said he can be a hot head. He said he just got called a monkey by a white man. He said that he can't just ask what the fuck he just said. He said that the people around him looked uncomfortable. He said he just sat there and said he wanted to come and say hi. He said Don told him to keep on going. He said he knew that it was unintentional racism. He said it wasn't done with the intent to hurt or diminish, it was his bit. He said he was doing his bit. He said he did his bit on the guy who they told him was coming over. He said he was trying to be funny by calling him a little monkey. He said he laughs at it today but not back then.
Howard said he loves Don and he knows he's old school. He said in a way maybe the older guys get threatened by the younger guys. He said maybe it was him putting him in his place.
Kevin said that his friend Keith Robinson talks about how you can tell the success of a person by the way they dress. He said they were famous at a time and they never let go of that time and year when they were at their best. He said there are some people who will tip you with a quarter at the airport because that's what they remember being the tip back when they were at their best. He said in his mind he was in his time and his aura. He said he was still in his bubble. He said he doesn't know that those jokes are stock, weird jokes. He said it was racism but back then it wasn't a big deal.
Kevin said now he has a great story. He said that he knows that there's a nice way to go about correcting someone. He said that he has been prepared for those moments over his life.
Howard said that story broke his heart so much. He said he admired Don so much. He said he thinks he might be right about that best year thing. He said rock stars are like that when they still wear the same thing they were wearing 20 years before. Kevin said it's a tough thing. Robin said sometimes it looks like Halloween.
Howard said he was talking about Kevin this morning. He said he does this bit that he loves so much about being famous. He said when he became famous he was on the radio and he had to do a lot of work to get there. He said he had to prove himself. He said it was a very elite thing. He said Kevin does this bit about everyone being famous now. He said he's watching this Olivia Jade and she's one of those people. Kevin said that he does this bit where he says that you took his fame from him. Kevin said he says they fucked him.
Kevin said he did this special and he did it during the pandemic. He said he had to be honest in it. He said it was about giving honesty about today's times and have people really look at it. He said the thing about fame is that it was the best job in the world. He said if you didn't have it you wanted it. He said now it's not the same thing. He said fame is fucked up and people don't want it. Howard said they ruined it. Kevin said that's a lot of shit there. He said everyone gets the title now. He said that people don't understand what fame is anymore. He said these rooms are different now. He said they shouldn't be the same but it's like you can demand to be the same.
Kevin said he's on radio now. He said imagine if he came in there and said he needs 80 plus mill a year. He said he can't have the same expectations that Howard has because they're not at the same level. He said that today's time those things are blurred and people just don't get it. He said it's a really weird thing. Howard said he agrees. He said he has famous friends who call him thinking he runs SiriusXM. He said that they think that he can get them on the air there and they want $50 million.
Kevin said he admires and respects anyone who is hustling out there. He said the way to win at it is to figure it out. He said that you have to figure out how to provide for yourself. He said if you can figure it out then kudos to you. He said that we get upset at people for having an opinion today. He said that we've lost the true value with my opinion versus your opinion. He said people hate each other over their opinions. He said we've lost it over that. He said when people get back to having that logic it's fine.
Kevin said he had a lady interviewing him and she told him that she never liked him but she finds him interesting. Kevin said it's okay that she didn't like him and he's fine with that. He said he understands that. He said it's not going to affect his tomorrow. He said he thinks today that's the case that your opinion is going to affect tomorrow.
Howard said he loves the routine he does about having a man out there earning and you can either have that or a man who fucks good. He said he loves that routine so much. He said if your wife asks why you're not fucking as good as you used to then you tell her to look around at the house. Kevin said he's tired. He said you have to pick one. He said you can have money or a good dick. He said when he was laying pipe and giving good dick he had nothing. He said he had time and that's it.
Howard asked Kevin what happens in his life when he talks about his kids. He said Bernie Mac used to do that. He asked if he has to go to his wife and kids or does he just say this is what he does and they have to live with it. Kevin said his family understands what he does but you have to be conscious of today. He said that he makes sure his kids understand. He said he'll ask them what they like and don't like. He said he'll ask if it makes them uncomfortable. He said he'll change things if they don't like it. He said that he talks to his kids and he doesn't want them to be uncomfortable. He said when he does this stuff this is a representation of who he is. He said that he has reached new heights of relationship with his kids. He said that same woman who interviewed him asked if he would ever get back to talking about anything else other than his family. He said he asked her if she thinks he's out on adventures. He said he goes home and talks to his kids so that's where his material is coming from. He said he's a comedian for people who are in these type of environments. He said if you don't have kids then you may not get it and maybe he's not your guy. He said there are people out there who are for you.
Howard said he relates to what he's saying. He said he had 3 kids early on when he was starting out. He said he'd talk about his personal life in a way and he didn't ask for permission. He said he assumed his radio career had to come first. He didn't give a fuck who was collateral damage. He said that was a mistake in his life. He said that he likes that he asks his kids about what they like and don't like. He asked if he thinks the kids can be honest about that. He said that's a tough thing. Kevin said his kids are fucking honest. He said they don't give a fuck about his fame. Howard said his kids are Heaven and Hendrix. Kevin said they're the oldest. He said they have this thing and they're able to speak their minds. He said they have a free speaking zone where he has to stay quiet and let them get things off their chest. He said there's no cursing allowed but they can speak their minds. He said he can't respond in anger either. He said he has to listen to it and give a rebuttal. Howard said he's sure his parents did that for him. Kevin said there was no free speaking zone for him.
Howard asked Kevin a hypothetical. He said he writes the best joke and the kids tell him he can't use it. He asked what he'd do. Kevin said he would have to drop it. He said it's about showing them that they matter. Howard said wow. Kevin said he has to be understanding. He said that might piss him off but the best thing he can do is show them that they matter.
Howard said he will delete things on the radio to protect the people he loves. He said when you're young you have to make a living and just do it. He said that's not fair to your family. He said it's really difficult. Kevin said that Howard is part of the 1 percent. He said he's part of the people who get to be the best at what they do. He said less than 1 percent reach that level. He said people will never understand what comes with that. He said that people will never get that. He said that success and fame and addiction for more is something people won't understand. He said they don't understand that machine and that mind set. He said you're so high above and people can't see it. He said now that they're up there they can fly and adjust and just fly.
Howard said there's a lot of jealousy too. He said they're always second guessing you too. He said it's constant. He said if you whine about it too much then they get upset with that. Kevin said you can't win. He said that people have so much hate for you and it turns out it's one sided. He said he has no care about what anyone else is doing. He said he throws out love for those people. He said the more opportunities out there the more people will have a chance.
Kevin said if it's one sided then the person has to do this thing with their self. He said if you have a one sided fight then it starts to look ridiculous. He said if you fly above it the better you look. He said when you talk about the hate he just responds with positivity. He said he's going to continue to do his thing at a high level.
Howard said he has a lot of things to talk about with him. He said that Kevin is doing something with SiriusXM now. He said he's not sure how he has time for his family because he's doing so much. He said he watched the show he did with Jimmy Kimmel and he took him out to work out with the Harlem Globetrotters. He said that doing that show alone has to take a lot of time. Kevin said he's good at prioritizing his time. He said that show is What the Fit. He said he has Cold as Balls and Celebrity Game Face too. He said that he's doing seasons and he makes a season in 3 weeks. He said they do that in 3 weeks but then he goes into movie production for 3 months. He said then he'll do another 3 weeks but with family. He said they'll do another reason of another show and then the next movie or whatever. He said it's all scheduled. He said that he weaves in radio into all of that. He said that he'll do it in the early morning or at the end of his day. He said his schedule is intense and strict. He said there's no wiggle room in there.
Howard asked if he worries about burning out. Kevin said he's not sure how long he's going to do this. He said he's 41 years old and he has reached the crazy high level that he's reached. He said that he will tell Howard honestly. He said that Howard forces people to be real on his show. He said the end game is that his business is matching his talent. He said Hart Beat productions is his business. He said they make good money with that. He said he has a streaming network with NBC Universal. He said they have that and the world of radio. He said he has shows on that channel there. He said that runs with or without him. He said he has these entities that act as a circle and you can let that run with or without you. He said you'll see less and less of him and his companies will continue to run.
Howard asked if he thinks that could go away without him. He said he's the face of the company. He said people might want him out there to keep those businesses running. Kevin said that it is but it isn't. He said that he can't get the respect of the other talent if his projects he produces aren't quality. He said if he produces a lot of stuff for himself and he can show that it's high quality then he can implement anybody into this system that's proven to work.
Howard asked if he has a number in his head that he can reach and get out. Kevin said that he does. He said that it's ''peong'' which was the fastest sound in the world. Howard said he made like $59 million doing stand up last year. He said that's a tremendous amount of work to make that kind of money. He said he just does that act and beats it into the ground. He said that's a tremendous work ethic. He asked what number will get him where he can stop. Kevin said he can't say the number. He said that will piss people off. He said it's more about the resume that's attached to it. He said it's about the book that he's writing. Howard asked how close he is to the number. Kevin said he's close. Howard said it's amazing his wife gets any dick at all. Kevin said he's trying to get there as fast as he can.
Howard asked if he's 5 or 10 years or one year away from it. Kevin said if he can get to the age 50 and be able to look back at it and enjoy grand kids and holidays and things like that then he'll be happy. He said maybe the pain in his knees will kick in at 50. Howard said it'll start at 60. He said he'll be okay in his 50s.
Howard asked if his kids are going to have a life with money or are they going to have to get jobs. Kevin said that they want to have jobs. He said they're going to work hard for their money. He said he wants the kids to know what goes into the business. He said his son loves the creative side of movies and he's taking a liking to that. He said he's going to help them out that way and show them how things work. He said they don't take things for granted and he's most proud of that.
Howard said he's running out of time so he has to make this announcement about what he's doing with SiriusXM. He said he has 10 million things to ask about though.
Howard asked Kevin about putting his money into plant based foods and that was Beyond Meat. Howard said these companies are really doing well. He said he read that company went up like 25 percent. He said Kevin is an investor and he owns part of the company. Kevin said that's through Hart Beat Ventures. He said that they're a venture capital company. He said he looked at the world of investment and stocks and took a dive in to see what it was like behind the scenes. He said the black culture wasn't taught how to handle money and he's trying to get into that. He said that they have check cashing places all over the black communities for a reason. He said he started this VC to get into the business to figure it out. He said he's doing what he never thought was possible. He said that he'll invest in things he truly believes in. He said they want success so the more people that invest the more they're able to get to their goal. He said when you look into this stuff that we use every day then you see that you should be able to put your money into it. He said those doors are open and they're not aware of that because it was never explained to them.
Howard asked how he's doing with all of those investments. Kevin said that he's having a very good return for a VC. He said that he's able to have a very comfortable thing there. He said that he's making a name for Hart Beat Ventures. Howard said he's made him feel horrible today. He said he's a lazy mother fucker compared to Kevin. He said it's unbelievable what he's up to. He said he's an inspiration.
Howard said now he's making this announcement. He said next time he's on he'll talk to him about his work out and stand up. He said they need another 3 to 4 hours. Kevin said he's got it. Howard said he has to find time between his meetings to fit him in. He said that he has a list of movies that he's up to. He said he thinks this is the guy. He said he has this list of movies that's staggering.
Howard said Kevin has partnered with SiriusXM and they're launching 3 new shows on Laugh Out Loud Radio, channel 96. He said they have a podcast called Inside Jokes with Kevin Hart. He said each week is another interview with another comic. He said Jerry Seinfeld is the guest this week. He said Jerry is great. Kevin said he's such a good guy. He said he loves him.
Kevin said they have some great comics on and they learn a lot from these guys. Howard said he loves this. He said he loves hearing about guys who achieve success. He said he loves hearing the process. He said it's like what Kevin did today.
Howard said the first guest is Jerry Seinfeld and the show is on at 8 today. He said they have many more guests coming up like Bill Burr. He said that he has two new shows coming up on his channel too. He went through all of that and said that Kevin's new show is continuing to expand. Howard said it means less dick for Mrs. Hart. Howard said he's going to send her a vibrator to take care of her. Kevin said he loves that.
Howard said he didn't get to talk about a lot of things. He said that he didn't get to talk to him about this journal he keeps. He said he had some notes about Kobe Bryant and he knows that Kevin knew him personally. He said he has so many things he wanted to talk about. He asked about him having COVID and how he's feeling now. Kevin said he's good. He said not everyone is going to be like that. He said he knows it's real and it's not affecting people the same. He said he understands why it's being taken as serious as it is. He said they need to have 3 hours together. He said they can do it from 2am to 5am. Howard thanked him for coming on and gave him some more plugs.
Robin said he's so full of energy. Howard said he makes him feel bad about himself. He said he made one movie ad Kevin has made like 87. He said he thinks he gets up at 4am and works out and gets off to the races.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who had been waiting on hold for hours. Howard said he's giving him the last word. Jeff said he wanted to leave him with a nice thought. He said he joined Howard and Beth for Bang O'clock on Monday. Howard asked who he banged. Jeff said he just whacked off. Howard said good for you. Jeff said he was looking at his iPad around quarter of 4. He said he got nice and hard and went back to his urinal and bumped it out. Howard asked if he jerks off into a urinal. Jeff said he does. Howard said that's gross. Howard asked how vile that was. He said it's all disgusting.
Jeff told them to have a good weekend. Robin said find someone to love. Howard said they went from the hardest working man in show business to the laziest man in show business.
Howard said he'll take another call. He took one from Balls who said he wanted to say that he didn't know much about Kevin but it was a great interview and he learned a lot about what a great guy Kevin is. He said it was an awesome interview. Howard said he's easy to talk to. He said he has 36.6 million Twitter followers. He said that's amazing right there. Robin said that's a whole other business right there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he has any thoughts about the flu vaccine since he's pushing the whole COVID thing. Howard said that he was one of these guys who thought that everything had to be natural. He said he didn't want to put anything into his body. He said then he read Dr. Agus' books and he was talking about science and how people are living longer now because of science. He said that's cool but it's science that helps us live longer. He said he knows that people have a problem with it but the flu vaccine helps you. He said he hasn't missed a flu vaccine in the last 10-15 years. He said he got into it after reading Dr. Agus' books. He said that science is so great. He said he's trying to break through to the stupidity out there. He said they have a very bright audience so getting the word out to them is one thing but there are people who are paranoid and stupid that they become anti-science. He said he's trying to do his part but he thinks it's useless some days.
Howard said he got a letter the other day from someone who took offense to what he said about how stupid some people are in the world. He said that he was an anti-masker and he said he wanted to kill him. He said that's the other thing. He said they want to kill you if they don't agree with you. Robin said that's what Kevin was saying about opinions earlier. She said that's where they've gotten to.
Howard said just wearing a mask is common sense. He said these religious guys are making up fairy tales and he's concerned about the IQ points out there. He said we should be getting smarter. Robin said it seems like we're devolving. She said we may be walking on all fours again soon.
Howard said just get the flu vaccine and get the COVID vaccine when you can. Robin said people in some countries wear a mask for their fellow man. Robin said here we just get it and let people die.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Eddie Murphy and asked if he thinks that he had his time like Don Rickles did. Howard said that anyone who works for a living trying to be funny has to evolve. He said things change and you change as a person. He said what Kevin was saying was spot on.
Howard said he thinks that Don Rickles was a loving and caring man. He said that he said what he said to Kevin and that broke his heart. He said he saw Don at a party and he was brutal. He said it was funny but this thing with Kevin just laid an egg. He said he gets why Kevin would have that pain after meeting one of his comedy heroes. He said he loved what Kevin said about how he would have handled it today.
Howard said Eddie Murphy must feel a lot of pressure. He said that he'd be compared to what he did in the past. He said it's just too much evaluation. Robin said Howard has to deal with that too. She said that they compare him to what he was in the 80s. Howard said he has completely changed and he knows he's not for everyone. He said that he has to be himself. He said that Kevin was right about people who can't change with the times. Robin said rock stars are the perfect example. She said she was on a plane with Yngwie Malmsteen once and he was dressed like he was in the 80s.
Howard took a call for Mariann from Brooklyn who was defending Don Rickles and saying she doesn't think he would change his act. Howard said Don was a gentle man and he doesn't think he meant anything by it.
Mariann asked when they're going to get to some stuff like The View and one of Gwyneth Paltrow's candles blowing up. Howard said that he'll talk about that next show.
Howard read some fan feedback about Mariann's fight with Ralph and Chris Wilding. He had one guy saying that he'd rate Chris' dick sucking if they want him to. Howard said he heard that JD thinks that Chris would be a good dick sucker too. He had JD get on to explain that. JD said that he thinks that he's a very giving guy and he would be very good at that. He said Mariann gives off that mother vibe. Howard said he's pretty sure his mother didn't do that very well based on the angry look on his father's face all the time.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he thinks that Chris or Mariann would be a better dick sucker. Howard said he's pretty sure that Mariann would be very loving with him.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he loved that Kevin turned down the Oscar's. Howard said they didn't even talk about that. He said they have to get to that next time. Ralph said he loved the interview but he didn't like that he was making the finance thing about black people. He said it's not just black people. He said it's white too. Howard said he knows the black community. He said he knows white people who aren't well educated on that either. He said his father tried to teach him about putting money away. He said he understood being frugal. He said he learned a lot from his father about the depression and how important it is to save money. He said what Kevin was referring to was that there was no exposure to anything. Robin said that the check cashing place is like their bank in some communities. She said they didn't go to the bank.
Howard said Kevin was saying he had some bad examples in his community. Robin said that she had someone tell her that all she knew about money was that it was given to her by the government. She said that was when she was in the Big Sister program.
Howard said that Kevin knows what he's talking about. Ralph said he knows that but he's saying that a lot of white people are dopey when it comes to money too.
Howard asked Ralph who the better dick sucker is, Chris or Mariann. Ralph said he has no doubt that it's Chris. He said he has a passion for it like Mariann has for Howard. Howard took another call from Mariann who said that JD can't even make a full sentence so she's not sure what he's talking about. She asked if they're talking about her dick sucking in the back office. JD said they are. Mariann said she is a great dick sucker. Ralph asked her to tell them how she does it. Mariann said that's very personal. She asked how Ralph knows how good Chris is. Ralph said he can just tell.
Howard said Benjy told him that her blow jobs would be way too aggressive. Mariann said they should all take a poll next week and figure out how great she might be. She asked Robin how good she'd be. Robin said she thinks she'd be great. Howard said Robin isn't that great at it. He said he thinks that she'd admit that.
Howard asked JD to talk about this theory he has about Ralph. He said he thinks that Ralph and Chris have joke phone sex and Ralph probably touches himself during it. JD said he wasn't sure about that but he thinks that one of them is attracted to the other. He said that Ralph may be attracted to Chris and they may have jokey phone sex. Howard said he thinks he knows what that would sound like. He did an impression of Ralph and made up what that would sound like. He said he kind of does that with Ralph sometimes.
Howard said JD thinks they might do that but does he cum during it. JD said no but he thinks that he finishes after the call. Ralph asked if Chris thinks he's joking around but he's not. JD said yes. Howard asked JD if he thinks that Chris isn't interested in Ralph but Ralph is interested in him. JD said he thinks Chris sees Ralph as a friend but he could possibly be a hook up but nothing serious.
Howard asked if he's saying that Ralph and Chris are like their Ross and Rachel. JD said yes. Howard asked if he thinks something has happened between them already. JD said it's possible. JD said he doesn't remember everything that he's talked about on air or not. He said something may have happened in private.
Howard said he got a note saying that Ralph and Chris text each other about getting in and out of the shower. He asked what that is. Ralph and Howard got into the creepy sex talk again.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn's husband (High Pitch Erik) who said she gives the best blow jobs. Howard asked if he's disguising his voice. Erik said he's not. He said she gives the best Italian blow jobs. Chris got on and said he's going to suck him off.
Howard asked what it's like when that guy High Pitch Erik comes over to his house. Erik said Mariann loves him so much. Howard said he sees him as a big load. He asked what's so great about him. Erik said she's the mother to him and he's a genuine guy. Howard told him to talk in his regular voice. Erik said he's a good guy.
Howard asked Erik how bad he wants a blow job from Chris. Erik said not at all. He said he hasn't been nice to Mariann. Howard told Erik to go back into the voice as Mariann's husband. Erik did that for a little longer talking about the blow job thing from Mariann. Howard asked him about foreplay and things like that and Erik didn't seem to have a clue about what actually happens. Erik said he heard that Chris is a ''lazy'' dick sucker. Chris told him it's ''lousy'' so keep up the bit at least.
Howard asked what Mariann's vagina tastes like. Erik said it's like vanilla ice cream. Howard said it was nice talking to him. He asked Erik if he's doing alright. Erik said he is. He said he got his flu vaccine last week. Howard said he sounds interviewing when he's talking in that deep voice. He said he thinks he could train himself to talk like that. Erik said it hurts when he does that. Robin asked what they'd do with him if he had that voice. Howard said sometimes they could get a call from Low Pitch Erik. Erik said he'll try that next week. Howard said sure. Howard said hello to Low Pitch. Robin said he sounds like just a guy when he does that. Howard said he likes that. He said maybe he can call in next week as both. Erik went back and forth trying it out. Howard asked High and Low Pitch about each other. Erik was going back and forth with the low and high pitch voice. Erik got confused at times when he'd go between the two voices. Howard said it's two voices and one brain cell.
Howard asked Erik if he has any plans this weekend. He kept going between the voices. Howard let High and Low Pitch Erik go and told them to call in next week. Erik said have a good weekend with both voices. Howard said he's getting good at this. He asked Low Pitch if he thinks that High Pitch is gay. Low said that he loves Donnie Wahlberg but that's his prerogative. Howard asked both of them who they want to fuck and High picked Donnie and Low picked Jenny McCarthy.
Howard asked High and Low how much they make on Cameo. High said that's private. He said that Low Pitch may start doing it. Howard asked Low if he wants to get into that. Erik said he has to email the guy to find out if he should do that.
Howard said Low Pitch is dating Miley Cyrus. He said he's sure people didn't know that.
Low Pitch and High Pitch both told Howard the interview with Kevin Hart was great. Howard let them both go after that. Ralph said he has a talent all of a sudden. Howard said he was really good. They played a High Pitch Erik song parody after that. Howard said who knew that Erik was Rich Little.
Howard asked Chris what he wanted to say. Chris said that he and Ralph have never done anything physically. He said they joke around a lot. He said that they were talking about the sexy talk thing earlier and they do that. Howard asked if he thinks that when he's joking around that Ralph is manipulating his penis. Chris said he doesn't think so. He said that would be weird. Ralph said if he did that it would be really sad. He said it's nothing sexual. Chris said it got weird when they were watching that Aaron Carter video together online. Ralph said that was weird because Chris was sitting next to his mom while he was watching that.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he has a problem with Ralph because white people don't have money either but it's not the same as black people not having money. He said it's not the same thing. Ralph said what Kevin was talking about was understanding the financial world. Ralph and King didn't agree. Howard let King go a short time later.
Howard thanked everyone and wrapped up the show. They were done around 11:25am.