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Howard started the show talking about how he was listening to that song ''Save Yourself'' by Stabbing Westward. He said he argued with the song though. He said they wrote the song and it was their big song and they put out an album and the record company may have had nothing to do with them after. He said that's what he thinks the case was. He said that they weren't able to save themselves. He said it was the response to another song about mental illness. He said his experience with people is that he can't save people but then he ends up saving them. He said he got pissed off at the song thinking that it was all bullshit. He said he tells people to save themselves and then he ends up saving them. He said he's like the messiah of his family.
They played the song and talked about the lyrics. He said he tells people he can't save them and tells them to save yourself. He said then he ends up saving them. He said he gets this. He said what a beautiful song it is. Robin said you can't even save yourself. Howard said it's fake news.
Howard said he had the worst weekend of his life. Robin said he sounds like he knows everything when he's on the air. Howard said that's why he's in the problem that he's in. He said he can't tell you. He said to all of his Jewish friends he understands it's a big Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. He said that there are a bunch of caveats with the God Loves you thing. He said he looks over you and judges you even though they always say ''no judgment.'' That led to them playing a George Carlin bit where he talks about God and how wacky people's beliefs are. Howard said that was one of the best George Carlin bits ever.
Howard played a bit of Chris Rock's where he was talking about the million man march and the black leaders there including Marion Barry. He said even in their finest hour they had a crackhead on stage. Howard was cracking up listening to that.
Howard said that's such a great bit. He said he has a great delivery too. He talked about how funny that material was. Robin said she quotes Chris all the time. She said there's a lot of truth in those jokes. Howard said that was ''Bring the Pain'' and it was some of the best comedy he's ever seen. He said it's the best hour of comedy he's ever seen.
Howard said he'll ask Chris who he thinks is the funniest person alive right now. He said he was reading that he might go on tour with Dave Chappelle. He said he thinks that's a mistake though. He said comedy fatigue can set in. He said if you go to see a comedian for a solid hour it's great. He said you get too much and it's enough. He said if you go on too long it's not so great. He said it can be great but then it can be too much.
Howard said he has a lot to talk to Chris about today. Robin said she heard he's in therapy for 7 hours a week. Howard said he'll have to ask about that.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked about people getting there on time and if people like Benjy are showing up for the show. Howard said there are two schools of thought. He said he has to admit that during the pandemic you think people aren't really working. Robin said she has seen kids not doing their homework and things like that. Howard said that is so true. He said he knows parents who have that problem. He said they go into the room and the kid is asleep with the Zoom going and the teacher is talking. He said you try to scare the kid and they don't care and the teachers can't do anything about it.
Howard said they do a microphone check with Benjy every morning at 6:50 and he's always there. He said it appears his people are working hard. He said the staff are there on Zoom every morning and that's it.
Fred did his Bobo puppet thing and asked Bobo's question. Then Bobo said he thinks that Benjy won't talk about his age because he's afraid of the number 50. Howard said he has to get out of this. He hung up on Bobo and had Fred do more of his puppet thing. Fred forgot to turn his camera on. Fred Bobo asked if he thinks President Trump will close all of the beaches again to stop the Coronavirus from spreading more. Howard said no because Trump will leave everything open and we'll have a bigger wave of Coronavirus. They played a song parody about hanging up on Bobo.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn. Robin said she has to say there's a show on CNN or HLN called ''What Really Happened'' and they had one about Siegfried and Roy. She said it's amazing. She said you think about how stupid the people who attended their shows were. She said they were never really in charge of those tigers. She said they had no leashes or walls between you and their tigers.
Howard said they would have been locked up in a mental institution in any other world. He said anyone living with a tiger is off their fucking rocker. He said if you think you can live with a tiger you're off your rocker. He said you won't get into a tank with a shark without protection. He said they were out of their minds.
Howard said Robin used to laugh at him when he said that his face was mauled by a tiger. Robin said there is a man who is completely paralyzed by one of their tigers. Robin said a tiger knows where to grab you. they know to get you around your neck to crush your spinal cord and get your corroded arteries. Robin went over what she learned in this special telling Howard about the male and female tigers and what they can do.
Howard said Chris Rock had a good line about that. He said that tiger didn't go crazy, it just went tiger.
Howard said Roy died from Coronavirus. Robin said that was in the special too. She said there is also no such thing as a white tiger. Robin said that it was a recessive gene that any tiger can have.
Mariann said her blood pressure is going through the roof being on hold for him. Howard said Robin is doing a new show called Tiger Talk. He said she's going to reveal all of the people who have tigers. He said she's going to have Carole Baskin on the show. He said it's already number 1 and it hasn't even aired yet. He said she's really lit up about this. Robin said she thought about how crazy this was.
Howard said he was talking to his daughters and Robin sent Debra something. He said he better not talk about it now. He said he'll get in trouble.
Howard got back to Mariann and asked what she wanted to say. Mariann said she texted Chris Rock this morning. She said they were speculating about her on the Wrap Up Show the other say. She said they were going to ask what she would do if he retired. She said she won't go to any other show when he retires. She said she will go off into the sunset if he retires. She said that Maurey Povich just re-signed to do more shows and he's 81. Howard said there's no way he's going to be doing this at 81. He said Maurey must be really bored to keep doing that show.
Howard said the person who wants to retire is the person who has to find guests for that show. He said being Maurey is easy.
Howard said his theory is that Maurey has had it with Connie Chung. He said now she's sitting home so he has to get out of the house. Robin said they used to live on different coasts. Howard said once she moved into the apartment he had to go back to work. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and had Chris Rock on Zoom. Howard asked if he's in a library. Chris asked if he thinks he would have that many books. Howard said he can't read much because his vision is so wonky now.
Howard asked if Chris has trouble reading because of his learning disabilities. Chris said it does take a lot of energy. He said it takes about 40 percent of his brain power to read when it's 4 percent for most people.
Howard said the three things he dwells on are if he had just had a mentor he would have studied guitar, Karate and maybe art. He said that he would have learned painting and stuff. He said his life would have been so different. He said he has this nagging feeling that he cold have been someone. Chris said he could have been somebody. He said he feels the same way.
Howard asked what he's reading. Chris said he's been reading about Elvis Costello. He said there's a lot of self help stuff too. Howard asked if Elvis Costello wrote a book. Howard said he read Frampton's book and the Go Gos too. Chris said he read about the woman Cathy Evelyn Smith wrote.
Howard said they were talking about the shitty internet connection he has. He said he has the worst Wi-Fi ever. He asked how that's possible. Chris said he got divorced and lost a bit. He said those first two years after divorce are tough. Howard said Chris said he took shitty jobs to make money after the divorce. Chris said they weren't shitty. He said he took a book deal. He said that's obvious divorce. Howard asked if he's writing a book. Chris said he is and that's an obvious one. Howard said it's obvious his wife got the modem.
Howard asked if the publisher wanted him to write his life story. Chris said they do. He said he hasn't even gotten to that book yet. Chris asked if he's so famous that he gets to the point where everything that has happened to him is going o be written about. He said he talked to Seinfeld about that. Chris said you get to a point where you're so famous that they'll know everything about his divorce and his marriage. He said there are like six books about Richard Pryor. He said someone is writing this shit down. He said even if you don't know who it is.
Howard said Richard did everything in his life. Chris said it just appeared to be crazy. He said it looked calm.
Howard said he has to do something about his internet. He said he saw him on The View or something and he wanted to call him about how bad it is. He said he has to work on that. Chris said that he told his assistant to do something. Howard said he thought he'd have an IT department with the kind of money he has. Chris said he can't even take a phone call because it's so bad there. Howard asked if he's losing him there. Chris said he has him right now. Howard asked if he's going in and out. Chris said it's okay right now.
Howard said if it gets bad he can call him on the phone. Chris said it's okay right now. Howard asked him to go on his roof and hold an antenna. Chris laughed. Chris asked if they're even on the air. Howard said they're live. He said that's what's so great about this show. He said he can't stand doing a recorded interview. He said then people ask you to edit stuff out. Chris said he had better watch what he says then.
Howard said this look of that room is good. He said he interviewed Jerry Seinfeld and he had all comedy albums in his room. Chris said he liked that. He said he has no awards in his room. Howard asked if he sold them to his wife. Chris said he has them in a nice place for the occasional date that comes by. He said they're in eye contact for that. Howard said he did the same thing when he was dating.
Howard asked if he thinks that the awards are bullshit. Chris said that he thinks the Grammy is cool because of who he's up there with in comedy. He said those mean the most to him.
Howard asked Chris what the deal was with going public with the learning disorder. Chris said he's just an open book. He said he doesn't plan on doing that stuff. He said he doesn't just give to charity when the camera is looking. He said that he's not like ''Make that check bigger.'' He said he's an open book. He said you might as well document it all. He said this is who he is. He said it's also a way of apologizing to people without talking to them. He said that they don't think he likes them and this is why.
Howard said he never thought Chris liked him. He said they'll go to a party and Chris will be there and afterward his wife asks what's wrong with him for not looking at her. Howard said he told her that it must be this learning disorder he has. He said he doesn't get the cues that people give. He said that Chris will tune people out in a conversation and they think he doesn't like them. Chris said he gets that a lot. He said it wasn't that he was tuning them out. He said he got this learning disorder and he suffers from big ego, low self esteem. He said that his self esteem might plummet to the ground and he wont even look at someone like his wife.
Howard said he must have the same thing. He asked if he thought his wife was intimidating or what the fuck happens. Chris said it's hard to explain. He said he just feels not worthy of anyone's attention when he's not working. He said he only has the big ego when he's working.
Howard said this must have to do with his relationship with his parents. Chris said he was born with this thing. He said that he was informed that when he was in like the 7th grade he had a fractured skull and he was out of school for 30 days. He said his jaw was messed up too. He said the doctor told him he probably had a bad concussion and he had suffered head trauma that wasn't tended to. He said that was on top of everything else that was wrong with him. He said it was almost like the football player thing that he has going on with him.
Howard asked if he thinks that it had to do with his parents not getting him. Chris said he's right. He said that it's also the thing they both went through in school. He said he has a childhood trauma that he went through. He said he thinks he has dealt with it but he really hasn't. Howard said being the black kid in a white school had to be tough. He said he was the only white kid in school and he thought if he was black he would be accepted. He said that if he must have thought about that. Chris said he never wanted to be white. He said it was a horrible existence. He said the closest character he can relate to is Tim Robbins in The Shawshank Redemption. He said every day was hell. He said there was a story in the NY Times about kids on Long Island who went to the wrong neighborhood and white kids were chasing them and they were called the N-word. He said it was the most traumatic day of their life and that was just one day for them. He said the cops and the news were there. He said when he was talking to one of his shrinks the other day he was talking about that. He said they had one day like that. He said he can look over his life and say he had 700 days like that from second grade until whenever. He said it was like being in jail and he got his ass beat and he was called racist names. He said that some sexual shit happened. He said he wasn't raped but it was ''rapish.''
Chris said he feels like it was 700 days of that but even if it wasn't, maybe it was 400. Howard said his situation was that he had to be the brave front. He said he got the shit beaten out of him and he thought he was going to die at times. He said he got punched and choked out. He said when no one at home gives a shit that's even worse. Chris said he had the misfortune of having black parents from the south. He said they didn't think it was so bad. He said his mother had the Klan marching through her school. He said her principal was in the Klan.
Howard said that he was having a horrible time too though. He said she's saying he didn't have it so bad and she had it worse. Chris said he didn't tell his parents a lot. He said he was born in 65 in South Carolina. He said he was probably in a segregated part of the hospital. He said by the time he went to school in 71 the kids were still just allowed to go to school with other black kids. He said it was some brand new shit. He said they still call the Triboro bridge the Triboro bridge and it hasn't been called that for 25 years. He said it takes a long time to change things.
Howard said he must remember the names of all the kids who beat him up. Chris said he remembers them all and the teachers who said some crazy shit. He said it would be so easy to hold up a class picture of the kids who called him names. He said he could destroy all of their lives but that would be bad. He said he would be assuming these people haven't changed. He said that's a bad thing. Howard said they probably haven't. Chris asked if they should lose their job if they called him names in 1981. He said he hopes they have changed and he's over it. Chris said he has to move on. He said he can't keep driving himself crazy. He said it would make him meaner than they were. He said he's an adult now so he can control what he says.
Chris said that your sins punish you. He said he thinks that those people are being punished by what they did to him. Howard said he could say that he's past what he went through. He said he doesn't think about those kids anymore but he has an anger in him that he got from going through what he went through. Chris said he used to walk around with anger and a fear. He said he had this squirrel like energy. He said you can't sneak up on a squirrel. Howard asked if he's afraid of the world. He said he is because of what he went through. Chris said he thinks that he's a work in progress. He said that he knows that people aren't going to grab him and demoralize him. He said that this is just in the past 6 or 8 months that he's thinking that.
Chris said he did a move not too long ago and one of his bullies was working security on the movie. He said he won't say his name but he literally one day in school turned him upside down and shook the money out of his pockets. He said that he dropped him on his head. He said he was doing his day and he saw this guy and wondered if he was ''B.'' He said he nodded and he kind of gave him a look and wished that he was doing well. He said he didn't ask for him to be fired. He said he could have been his friend but he's not going to be his friend. He said he isn't going to punish the guy. He said his sin punished him. He said he had to go through that whole day and see him directing a movie and being himself all day. He said he was so close to him but so mother fucking far. Howard said he got his revenge. Chris said it's like Bugs Bunny. He said that Elmer Fudd got really mad at him when he kissed him. He said when someone does you wrong, just give them a kiss.
Howard asked if he's ever asked his mother where she was to protect him. Chris said grey have never addressed it. Howard asked why. Chris said his dad is dead and his mother is just 20 years older than him. He said he cuts her some slack. He said that they were in an era when being around white people was just better. Howard said what a horrible way to be in the world.
Howard said they make you think that everything white is good and black is bad. He said the only reason he knew this is because he thought everything white was bad. He said it was a twisted world in a way. He said that it's the worst to grow up like that.
Chris said his parents sent him to school to be a better person. He said he could brag about going to a white school. He said they had good intentions. He said look at him now.
Howard asked if he went because of bussing. Chris said he thinks so. He said he may have been good in 1st grade. He said he was talking to one of his shrinks and they said he was getting better and he felt like that in the first grade. He said he didn't have so much anxiety in the 1st grade. He said then he got bussed to school and he didn't feel so good.
Howard said he was ridiculed for being into the Beatles and bands like that. He said that the kids thought he was the worst for not liking the music they were listening to. Chris said there were no Beatles records being played in his neighborhood. He said that they didn't even talk about the Beatles until grey broke up. He said none of that existed.
Howard said he went to summer camp and heard the Beatles and stuff and then he'd go to school and get beaten up if he brought them up.
Howard said he was interviewing James Brown once and he said if the kids just knew he'd be in a room with him some day they would have been so impressed.
Chris said he did the show Miami Vice with James Brown. He said that was a long time ago. He said James would show up dressed like James Brown at 5 in the morning. He said he'd have the jump suit and cape on and he had to change into something else. He said he had a guy whose job was to just comb his hair. He said they called him Godfather too. He said it was amazing hanging out with him.
Howard said that Eddie Murphy bit about James Brown was so great. Chris said it really was. He said that he has a great story about talking to James Brown. He told the story that Eddie told about James telling him that no black person has 20 million dollars but Sylvester Stallone does because he's white.
Howard said the last time James was on the show he was upset that his wife didn't have a big ass so grey got her ass implants. Chris said those were the early days of ass implants too. He said that poor thing.
Howard asked if Chris is quarantining correctly. He said he read about how he was with Chappelle and all of that. He said that he'd be nervous traveling and all of that. He said he'd sit tight until the vaccine comes out. Chris said he got this concierge doctor thing for his whole family. He said that he even got it for his ex-wife. He said that his kids would look at him like a monster if he didn't do that and she got sick. Chris said he got them all on this plan. He said he even got her boyfriend tested. He said he gets tested every 3 weeks or something on his own. He said to fly he's been flying private. He said you get the pilots tested and you have no stewardess. He said you get a car that you get into and it has plastic covering it. He said he doesn't have drivers anymore. He said he drives himself. He said Chappelle is doing that too.
Howard asked why he has to be with Chappelle. He asked if he's just going crazy. Chris said he has had this crazy year and he's just in love with Dave. He said he loves the vibe. He said it's laid back. He said he likes being around comedians. He said he's in his house in Jersey and he has to get out. He said he won't say it's boring but... Howard said it is boring. Chris said it's been a weird year. He said he has his diagnosis and his therapy. He said he quit porn. He said he hasn't watched any in 280 days. He said he has stopped with the social media and has someone doing all of that for him.
Chris said when you watch porn your mind gets these dopamine hits and you're in a daze. He said you're not all there. He said there was a time when he was playing video games. He said he replaced that with porn. He said his shrink told him he did it to calm his anxiety. He said he was dealing with a bunch of undealt with trauma. He said he's better at socializing now. He said that's what he was getting at.
Howard asked if he's hanging out with any women at his house or anything. Chris said he's not seeing anyone. Howard asked if he jerks off thinking about something other than porn. Chris said he hasn't jerked off this year. He said he also hasn't had sugar this year. Howard asked if it's not healthy to not jerk off. Chris said he won't say he hasn't been on a date. He said his sexual energy is focused. He said it's for whatever woman he's with. He said that he's 1000 percent there for that one person instead of being all over the place. He said porn isn't bad. He said just for him he needs to focus.
Howard said he's neurotic about health and they say that you need to drain your prostate to keep it healthy. He said he has to jerk off for health reasons. Chris said just go a week and see how much your mind opens up. He said he's 55 and fucks like he's 38. Howard said the next woman he's with is going to need a snorkel. Chris said he's able to focus like he never has been before because of this.
Howard asked if he came to this conclusion on his own. Chris said he did sort of. He said that he's had a lot of shrinks. He said he has a normal shrink who is a guy and then he has a sexual shrink and a men's group he odes. He said then he has a woman for his learning disorder. He said she specializes in that. He said they formed a plan. He said some of this will drop down as the months go by.
Howard said Chris was a guy who didn't think much about therapy. Chris said that he called Howard about a year ago about getting a therapist. He said that he called Howard's therapist to get a recommendation. He said that Howard's therapist didn't want to be his therapist because he didn't want to be beholden to Howard. He said that he admires his therapist. He said that he didn't have anyone in his life like that. He said the crew he has now is really good. He said they call him on his bullshit. He said the thing is that it's a relationship and you have to be absolutely honest.
Howard asked how long it took for him to get real with his therapist. Chris said it didn't take long. He said his therapist knew he wasn't going to be able to do certain things and he was open to making himself a better person.
Howard said he was going to call him a couple of times to see how he was doing. Chris said he was in a bad state when he called him. Howard said he was super worried about him. He said he hoped he had taken his advice. He said what's wrong with him is that he didn't think Chris would want him bothering him asking how it went. He said he should have done that. Chris said that was back in September or so. He said he was really struggling. He said he was in a weird fog. Howard said it must have been hard to call him. Chris said he looks up to him and he's a guy who is edgy as fuck but he went through this metamorphosis and it's still good. He said that's the fear. He said that you don't know if you're still going to be funny if you go through this. He said it's a real fear. He said that Howard walks through life as a skinny guy and he finds broadcasting. He said he gets good at something and it alters your DNA. He said he's so good that you become tall, handsome, cool and people want to be around you. He said he's so good at this one thing that it obliterates reality. Howard said it's hard. Chris said he's not sure he wanted to tinker with that. Howard said you do.
Howard said he walked into his therapists office for the first time and said that he could fuck any woman he wants. He said he had a warped sense of reality. He said he's right that reality gets altered. He asked if he ever thought he was entitled to everything he never had. Chris said that's a double thing. He said part of you thinks that people are supposed to act a certain way around you. He said the boy who was picked on so much makes you think that you don't deserve any of it. He said that you feel unworthy of anything. He said it's crazy. Howard said it is crazy.
Chris said that you think that you deserve a beautiful woman but then you wonder what she's doing there when you do have one. He said that he wonders what kind of psycho wants to be with Chris Rock.
Howard said it is crazy. He said he was thinking about him in show business and how he's getting close to Chappelle. Chris said he loves Dave. He said that he realized that Cosby and Richard Pryor didn't get along. He said that he made a conscious effort to get along with Dave.
Chris said if you were in his last tour and saw the shows it was like a couple of shows that was just him and Dave on stage for a couple of hours. He said they'd just hang out up there on stage together. He said he wishes they had filmed those shows. Howard asked how that works. Chris said they did a little bit of their set material but they just riff and talk about things. He said he will do their versions of topics and stuff.
Howard asked how you deal with it when you start rolling. He said he was in a room with another comedian once and the other comedian wouldn't let him be funny. Howard said he won't say who it was but Chris pointed it out to him. He said Chris had killed and the other comedian just had to show him where that was at. Howard said he imagines that's what it's like being on stage with Dave. He said if the other guy is killing then it can just fuck you up. Chris said maybe early on. He said Dave is just so good. Howard said so are you. Chris said he brings something. He said he's secure with his spot. He said he feels like he's a made man. He said he just loves Dave. He said they're just collaborating and they're both being funny and they both get credit.
Howard said he was reading about Robin Williams and how he went into a depression when Jim Carrey came on the scene. He said that he had a really hard time with his success because he felt like Jim was replacing him. Chris said he never got into that himself. He said he remembers when Dave got hot at first. He said that he had turned down hosting the Oscars like 5 times and Rick Rubin said he should host them. He said he needed to do something to get away from the Dave Chappelle thing. He thought he had to do something different. Chris said he thinks that he's closer to Carlin and Kinison than other comedians.
Howard asked if he sends Bill Maher jokes when he comes up with something that fits him. Chris said not Bill that much but he'll send something to Jimmy Fallon. He said sometimes he will send something to Bill. He said he'll send Seth Meyers something too. He said that he used to get jokes from Leno. Howard asked if he really did that. Chris said it was just once or twice but yeah. He said that he had some good lines for him. Chris said that a lot of times guys will think he can say anything and get away with it. He said sometimes it's just racist or sexist.
Howard said he has a great bit about how he thinks black people are more racist than whit people. He said he thinks about what it was like to write that and perform it for the first time. Chris said it took a few months to get that one right. Howard said it had to be crazy. Chris said he did a black extravaganza show and Cedric the Entertainer was there. He said that he had to follow him. He said there's nothing harder than following him in Oakland. He said he was still working on that bit and he didn't quite have it yet. He said he almost had to get run out of town that night. He said that a few nights later it just clicked. Howard played the bit that he was talking about.
Chris said that newspapers have a deal with Broadway where they won't review the play for a certain amount of time. He said they have a deal with not giving out the ending of a movie. He said they don't respect stand up comedy like that. He said no comedian should be judged in a club. He said they're working on their material there and they are doing that to present their material for their specials. He said when they're in the clubs those are demos. He said you wouldn't take Prince's demos and say they suck. He said they're working on their material. He said in the Comedy Store it's like working out in the gym.
Howard asked Chris about what it was like working out Bring the Pain and if he was worried about his material getting stolen. Chris said he doesn't think about that. He said it's like a smart gun. He said it only works for you. He said it's like KITT on Knight Rider. He said the car only works for that one guy.
Howard asked if he writes down his material like Jerry Seinfeld. Chris said that he does write down notes on a pad. He said things are harder to do now with people having their cell phones. He said that he's had people's phones taken away from them at the Barkley Center. He said that people don't want to pay for that if you can get it for free online. He said they have a company that will hold your phone while you're in the club. He said that they give it back at the end of the show.
Chris said he doesn't want people taking his stuff out of context. He said that he's doing Saturday Night Live next week and he won't have material that he has rehearsed. Howard said he's not sure how they're doing it but they're doing Saturday Night Live. Chris said that they'll see how it goes. He said he's feeling pretty optimistic about it.
Howard asked why he said yes to hosting Saturday Night Live. He said he sensed it was like torture or very difficult. Howard said that they have to do it from different locations and stuff. Chris said he thinks that he's going to be in the studio. He said he isn't one of these guys you see on Ellen every 4 weeks. He said that you don't see him on TV a lot. He said that this is the time. He said after this he'll go back into his cage and work on his next special.
Howard asked if he's talking about Spade when he says he's not on Ellen every 4 weeks. Chris said David is one of his favorite guys on earth. He said that he loves his style of comedy. He said he'll go on a show every few weeks. He said that some guys only go on when they have something to promote. He said Richard Pryor was like that. Howard said his appearances were great on the Tonight Show. Chris said that he's kind of like in that mode. He said some guys go on every few weeks. Chris said it's a big event for him when he shows up. He said Lorne Michaels once said that you can't make an entrance if you never leave. He said Anthony Kiedis said that you have a finite time in the spotlight so be very precious with it. He said being on TV all the time isn't for him.
Howard said he saw Chris was out promoting this Fargo thing and he saw him with his 8 pack abs. He said that must have been tough for him to do. He said that he has to think about everything he's doing and if that was big for him. Chris said that wasn't really. He said that he was just changing honestly. He said that they did the pictures outside. He said someone pointed out that he looked good. He said he wasn't Kevin Hart'ing it. He said he loves Kevin too. He said it was a little more innocent. He said that will be the last time you see his abs. He promised that.
Chris said that older actors used to pose for Playboy to show that they looked good. He said they want to show at 80 that they were hot for a time.
Howard said his stomach is a mess right now. He said he has jelly all over his abs. Chris said that it was one of those things in therapy because he was insecure about his body for years. He said it's hard but you can change your body. He said half of it was working out and the other half was learning to swim. He said learning at 50 is hard.
Howard said he thinks out of all of his accomplishments is learning to swim at 50. He said that he learned very young. He said he thinks it's child abuse not to teach your kids to swim. He said Chris has a great line about learning to swim in a fire hydrant. Chris said that you can't even save your kid if they're drowning. Howard said he didn't want to learn to swim but he's grateful that he did. He said he's tried to learn to swim better and it's very hard to when you're an adult.
Chris said he's still taking lessons but he's not jumping off a yacht. He said he has a good time in a pool now. He said he's getting yacht ready.
Howard asked who teaches you to swim. He said that has to knock your ego down. Chris said you're horrible and you suck. He said it's humbling and embarrassing. He said it's a metaphor for life. He said you have to let go and relax. He said it's wild. He said swimming is a lot of just letting go. He said you float naturally. He said not as much when you're black. He said they have buoyancy issues.
Howard asked Chris about how the women react when he takes his clothes off. Chris said that there's no stripping. He said he's not Orange Juice Jones. He said he's comfortable.
Howard asked Chris why some comedians are called hacks and some are great. He said that prop comedians are held with disdain. He said he's not sure what that's about. He asked Chris why prop comedy isn't as good. Chris said there are jokes that always work. He said that there are topics that always work. He said that bodily functions never fail. He said that there isn't a good shit joke out there. He said they will make you laugh but they're not good shit jokes. Chris said comedy is subjective. He said killing on stage is not subjective. He said if you kill by using hack material then you are a hack. He said if you can kill and get that same laugh with original thought then you're a bad mother fucker. He said Jerry Seinfeld can get the same laughs as the hack can with his original and clean jokes. He said he and Dave talk about that. He said you get graded on your degree of difficulty. He said no hack will attempt something very difficult.
Howard asked why it matters as long as there's laughing. Chris said every comedian has hack jokes. He said they could go through his stuff. He said that there was a joke he had about periods and he had a line about ''This blood's for you'' and just because people were laughing at it didn't mean it was funny. He said he had to learn not to do that joke.
Howard asked if he knew Sam Kinison well. Chris said not well but he did hangout with him. He said he took him under his wing. He said Kinison was a genius. Howard talked to him about the joke he had about starving people moving to where they're food.
Chris said he was doing jokes about crack cocaine and no one was laughing. He said he was like 19 years old and one person was laughing and it was Sam Kinison. He said that Kinison took him out to dinner. He said that he asked him to go to Saturday Night Live with him. He said Run DMC was on that show so he got to see Sam do coke right before he went out there. He said maybe he didn't.
Howard said he witnessed Sam doing coke at a show. He said that he was fine the first show but then he had to do a second show and they had to give people their money back. Chris said that he never opened he same way two nights in a row. He said that he was always building on his night but not Sam. He said this guy every night was different.
Howard asked Chris about Joan Rivers. Chris said she was top 5. He said she was one of the funniest people to roam the earth. Howard asked why she wasn't hacky. Chris said he loved her because she adjusted all the time. He said they were doing a show once and Jay Leno had a joke about Photomat. He said Joan never had material like that. He said she always updated it. He said she would change to meet the times. He said she was always funny. He said she took every appearance seriously. He said she wanted to kill on Regis and Kelly as much as if she was at Madison Square Garden. He said she was Joan Rivers and she throws the fuck down.
Howard said he's happy to hear him say that. He said he thinks she's underrated. He said Ellen Degeneres is too. Chris agreed. He said she's the gay Rosa Parks. He said she came out on TV and no one has done that since. He said on top of that she's a master comedian. Chris said he's glad they're all making a ton of money. He said sometimes money can fuck with the art. He said that if she didn't have all of that money they'd probably see her more. He said it's the money that can fuck it up. He said Ellen is a master. He said her special ''Here and Now'' is one of his favorites.
Howard asked if he thinks Eddie Murphy will ever be able to go on Netflix and get a special out there. He said he'd have to work on the act in clubs for a year or so. Howard asked if he could ever do that. Chris said about a year ago he was planning a tour. He said he was supposed to be doing that right now. He said that when he was trying to lock up buildings Eddie already had some of them locked up. He said that there were plans for him to go out there. He said he didn't want to take the Garden 20 days after Eddie. Chris said he did have buildings on hold. He said if he had Eddie on yesterday he wouldn't have come on today. He said you have to let that simmer down and then he'll come on. He said maybe Eddie will do it. He said it may only take him a month to get it down. He said he's still pretty funny. He said he's the most talented guy to ever do it. He said Richard Pryor is the greatest and Chappelle is on his ass but Eddie is the most talented person to pick up a microphone.
Howard said Eddie has so many tools. He said he can do impressions and tell jokes. Chris said he is the greatest living impressionists and he can tell a dirty joke like no one's business. He said that he would open with a dirty joke while other comedians wait until the end. He said no one ever does that. He said that people go to a show and they see a band that's about to throw down. He said Red Hot Chili Peppers are one of his favorite bands. He said they'll open with ''Give it Away'' sometimes. He said Eddie opens with the dirty stuff and still slays. He talked about some of Eddie's jokes and how brilliant they were.
Howard asked Chris when he knew he was going to be a comic. He said he went through so much stuff growing up. He asked if there was one defining moment on TV or something that got him to realize it. Chris said that he loved Rodney Dangerfield. He said he loved them all actually. He said that Rodney is a great stater kit for comedians. He said kids like to look at young people but even as a kid he loved Rodney. He said you can't deny it. He said you just laugh no matter what. He said Brenner was great. He said Flip Wilson, Cosby, all of those guys. He said he loved Phyllis Diller. Howard said he remembers Rodney going on the Tonight Show and he'd go sit down and continue to do jokes. He said at the end you think he's out of material and he'd just say he was out of jokes. He said that he killed though.
Howard asked if Rodney had joke writers. Chris said he did but he wrote a lot of his own. He said that sometimes he'd fix a joke on stage. He said he has been very fortunate. He said that he was like the kid in A Bronx Tale. He said he got to see the gangster comedians work on their shit. He said he watched Jerry and Rodney and Robin. He said he got to watch Eddie and all of these guys. He said he also got to do it.
Chris said he once got to see Eddie working on his material. He said watching guys like that you see are working on it. He said the not great ones get it and just stop. He said the good ones are always working on it and trying to perfect it. Howard said Sarah Silverman told him that. He said she told him that a lot of them get their act and never work on it again. He said she said they just lose their mojo. Chris said he loves Sarah. He said her live specials are really good. He said he loves to see people get better. He said in the last 8-10 years she's become a great comedian. He said she was always funny but she's one of the funniest people on earth. He said that Kathy Griffin is a great comedian. He said she works at it. He said she really pounds the road.
Howard said it's interesting what he says about Eddie. He said taking notes on his own show is great. He said he reads about the lives of great painters. Chris asked someone for a charger for this thing. He said he was losing power. He said he didn't want his computer to go dead.
Howard said he's glad that he told him that Eddie works on his material. Howard said painters can spend 10 years working on a painting to make it just right. He said it's great to hear that Eddie has to work on his material.
Chris said he's worked on jokes for 20 years. He said in the last special he did there are some jokes in there he worked on a long time.
Howard said Chris did this Fargo. Chris said it's great. He said he watched it last night and he was scared out of his mind.
Howard asked if Chris took acting lessons. He asked if that would fuck him up. Chris said he took acting lessons in the Village. He said he and Kadeem Hardison were in the same class. He said he kind of put it down and then got into movies and stuff. He said that in the last 5 years he met this guy Scott Rudin who has changed his life. He said he did a play and Howard came to that. Howard said he didn't see it. Chris said they were nominated for some Tonys. He said his whole approach to acting changed. He said Scott got him in touch with some people. He said there is this guy who he's been working with and he worked with him on this a little bit. He said that he instilled in him some things that have taken his acting up another notch and he loves it. He said Denzel isn't sweating over it though.
Howard said it's weird like learning to swim. He said you get good as a comic and then go to do a play. He said it could fuck you up. He said there's more pressure on him. Chris said there is. Howard asked if they called him or did he have to audition. Chris said he didn't have to audition. He said he did his Tambourine Netflix special and he got a lot of calls after that. He said that he's very vulnerable in that special. He said he had more movie directors calling him after that. He said he looked like a grown ass man after that. He said that it made them look at him in a different way. He said he's gotten some decent offers.
Howard said Fargo premiered last night. He said that it's on FX. Chris said he's in the whole season. He said this mother fucker pays off. He said that you're going to be like ''Fargo!?'' He said this is the best shit he's ever gotten. He said he was excited he got this part. He said the crazy thing was that he got the job about a year before he started. He said he thought that he was going to lose the job to someone else in that year.
Howard said he's excited to see him and he's very happy for him. Robin said he has an interesting hairdo in that. Chris said that's his real hair too. He said he let it grow. Robin said he almost has a pompadour.
Howard said he believes with this therapy and all of that he thinks this is the new evolved Chris Rock. He said he believes that he could end up married again. Chris said he could again. He said that he's not sure they have to involve the government in this. He said that he just wants to have someone who loves him and wants to take care of him. He said that he can get them insurance and put them in his will and not get married. Robin said she heard someone talk just like this. She asked if he knows who it was. Chris laughed. Howard laughed too. Chris said he has no prospects right now.
Howard asked if Chris has seen anyone that he'd put it out there for. Chris said that there is someone but she just announced she's dating. He mentioned Halle Berry's name. He said she has a guy though. Chris said he's just chillin'. He said that you have to talk to one of his shrinks to date him. He said he just wants to get it right. He said that he requires instructions. He said the payoff is great though. He said if you want to date him you have to see his shrink. Robin asked how many dates they can have before seeing the shrink. Chris said he doesn't need it to have dinner. He said it's only when someone is going to move in.
Howard said it makes perfect sense to get someone to do that. He said that way there is no surprise about why he's missing social cues and things like that. Chris said they would require patience. Howard said he does have a disability. Robin asked if they fail her is she out? Chris said no. He said he's not the boy in the bubble. He said that you can figure it out and it's doable. He said it's not that unusual.
Howard asked if he's on these dating sites. Chris said he was on Rya. He said he just kind of cut it off. He said Rya is like a human slot machine. He said it's literally a human slot machine.
Chris said he loves what Howard's got. He said he wants that. Howard said if he wasn't in therapy he wouldn't have been able to handle this relationship. He said he's happy for Chris. He said that he loves talking to him. He said he's not sure when they'll talk again but he's one of the most naturally funny guys. He said even when he's telling him something serious he's still being funny. He said he was talking in some interview about how great this is for comedy being in therapy. He said that he sees things in black or white. He said Chris has a strong point of view and that makes him funny. He said that he's one of those guys who has that naturally. He said no matter how many hours you put in you can't learn it. He said he really enjoys what he does.
Chris said he can hang out now. He said he wasn't able to do that before. Howard said he was very awkward with Chris and Rick Rubin once at a party. Chris said that he knows what he's talking about. He said that it was hard to function like that. Chris said he'll come out there if he gets tested. Robin asked if he'll let him out there. Howard said he's not letting anyone in there. He said so many people want to come in and he's not letting it happen.
Howard said he could talk to Chris for 1000 hours but he's breaking up. He said he has to thank him for giving them the time. Robin said after COVID they can get together. Howard told Chris to say hello to Beth when he does come there.
Howard gave Chris a plug for Fargo on FX and said you can see him host Saturday Night Live this Saturday on NBC. He said they play his stuff there on SiriusXM's comedy channels too. Howard let him go a short time later. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that is one of the bests bands ever. Robin said they haven't played them in a long time. Howard said he was reading Peter Frampton's new book (Do You Feel Like I Do?: A Memoir) and he talked about opening up for Mountain in the early days of rock.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to talk to him about his upcoming contract. He asked what he's considering. He said that he's going to leave people like him in the dust. Howard said thanks but he's not sure what's going to happen. He said that he's not sure if he'll be there or not. He said that's the honest truth. The caller said it's just a few months away. He asked why he doesn't have an opinion about it. Howard said there's a lot of variables going on there. He said he is secure with his feelings about going on with the show but there's a lot to figure out. He said he really likes SiriusXM and loves what they're doing. He said he's very proud of them. He said he's happy that he left terrestrial radio and went there and they made it. He said he sees this as the future. He said they have even more coming up. He said he knows some of the things they're planning and it's great.
The caller said they sent out a survey recently. Howard cut him off and said he's not vibing with him so he has to let him go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he just found the show recently. He said he's all in on it. He said he was just scanning through the channels recently and found ''Howard 100.'' He said it's the greatest show ever. He said that he did have a quick question about the business though. He asked what they do if they can't come to work for a couple of days. Howard said the way their deal works is that they have to do a certain number of shows so if he can't come to work then he'll cancel for the day and make it up another day.
Howard said Robin went through cancer and only missed one day. He said he yelled at her for missing that one day. Robin said she was sorry but she had cancer. Howard said she got her ass back to work after that. Howard said sometimes you have to do tough love.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been trying to spend time learning to play poker. He asked if Howard has ever done that. Howard said he is a student of poker. He said his favorite player is this guy David Benyamine. He said he looks like a big dummy but he's not. He said he looks like he could be a bouncer. He said he loves that guy's attitude. He said that there are professional poker players who talk too much and they're a pain in the ass. He said this guy David sits down and starts playing. He said he's almost out of the game and then he comes back and zonks you right over the head. He said he has learned a lot from playing poker.
Howard said the best player is Phil Ivy. He said he's not sure how he does this but he can tell what you have in your hand just by looking at you. He said it's really weird. He said that this guy is worth like $100 million from what he's read. He said a lot of poker players look like degenerates. He said there's one guy from England who looks like he's never seen the light of day. He said there are a lot of good players. He said there's a guy named Daniel Negrano who he likes too. He said he's worth like 50 million.
Howard said there's one guy who plays who doesn't speak English. He said that he qualified online and was playing so well that he was able to sit at this table at a tournament. He said he didn't win though because he didn't have experience at the table. He said that you can get into a lot of trouble fast.
Robin said she can't imagine what it's like sitting there and trying to figure out what to do. She said she's not sure how you keep your composure.
Howard said he sat at a professional table once and he got cleaned out so fast. He said he could tell that they all knew that he didn't know what he was doing. He said they all loved him though because they knew he was an easy mark.
Howard there are guys who joke around and then there are guys who wear sunglasses and cover up completely to hide their eyes. He said there was one guy who had a giant wart on his nose. He said there was a woman who was gorgeous who played and she got cleaned out quick. He said he thinks you have to be a big mess to be a professional player. He said this woman was up against this Negrano guy and she asked him what she would do if he were her. He said he just said he just give him all of her money. He said it's very interesting to watch poker.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to thank him. She said during COVID early on she got caught in Costa Rica for 4 and a half months. She said she got to listen to him while she was there. She said today with Chris Rock it was great because they have such a great talk. She said that then Chris yelled out for a power cord. She said she forgot that he wasn't there in studio. She asked if he was worried about how they were going to do the show from home. Howard said he was worried. He said it was very difficult in those early shows. He said it was very difficult to adjust. He said they got microphones and all of that and had to work out a lot of technical issues.
Howard said he spent his entire weekend thinking about what to talk to Chris about today. He said he had a grand plan and he didn't get to a lot. He said he had some clips to play and some music to play. He said he didn't get to all of that. He said to him it's all about preparation. He said there are technical issues like with Chris' Zoom session. He said they have people working on the sound so they put a lot of work into that. Howard said his staff is second to none. He said they have come a long way. He said he's always worrying about the technology.
The caller said it sounds like they're in studio so it's great. She said that she thinks they're spectacular. She said she finds it amazing how perfect it is every day. Howard said Robin had started working from home before COVID. He said he doesn't think anyone realized she was working from home. He said that was on and off for about a year. Robin said it was more than a year. She said they started and stopped a few times. She said it took a lot of listening hard to get it right. She said her hearing got better from that time.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Chris Rock was great. She asked who else can have this. She said that the product, there's nothing like it. She said this show will go into the Smithsonian. She said there are 29 shows left. Howard said when she's on and Fred plays the crow sound its his favorite. Mariann started screaming so he hung up on her. He said she's so sweet.
Robin asked what is going into the Smithsonian. Howard said his Fartman outfit of course. He said they'll have to put Mariann in there too. Robin said maybe his board and chair. Howard said all of Fred's chewed up pens too. He said they'll stuff Benjy and throw him in there. He said the Smithsonian has asked for Sal's foreskin too.
Howard said they will have robin's bra, Gary's trumpet, Elephant Boy's bones, JD's Playstation and more. Robin said all of Ronnie's toys too. Howard said Wendy's used diaper and JD's spoons will be there.
Howard said the fans have written in. He said he wants to thank Untuckit first. He did his commercial for them for sponsoring the show today.
Howard read some fan feedback about Machine Gun Kelly. He said that someone said it was like a therapy session for Machine Gun. Howard said a lot of people wrote in about Sal's dream about Gary's brother. He read a few of those comments.
Howard said the fans love Fred. He said they praise him for doing the JD Puppet. Howard said he likes to keep Fred down so he doesn't praise him but the fans did. Howard read some comments about Fred and the JD Puppet. Howard said he didn't hear JD thank Fred after he goofed on him. Fred said he did not... ingrate. Robin said Fred is getting praised for making fun of him. Howard said Fred is doing a JD puppet impression. He asked who would think of that. Howard asked JD if he wants to thank Fred for making him better on the air. JD thanked Fred for that. Fred did more of his JD impression.
Howard said JD mentioned Madden Football last week. Robin said he has to play every day to meet his objectives. JD said you have to do two challenges and buy a pack which is really nothing. Howard asked JD what that means. JD said you get coins so you can get a pack. Howard asked if it's imaginary money. JD said it is. He said he does the two challenges and he gets the coins. Howard said he's downplaying this but it sounds like he's so good at completing his tasks that he has plenty of dough to spend on packs. JD said not necessarily. He said he doesn't like to buy too many packs. Howard asked JD Puppet what he likes to do. JD puppet said he likes to buy card packs.
Howard asked JD if he's embarrassed by this. JD said he is. He said he's embarrassed by everything he does pretty much. Howard said there's progress.
Howard said he heard JD is regretting playing fantasy football this year. JD said nothing is going well this year. He said everyone is getting injured and things aren't going well. He said he wonders what he's doing and he hates it.
Howard asked JD if he is considering giving up the league. JD said yeah but something happens at the end of the year and he ends up doing it again. He said he completely forgets how miserable he was. Howard said he spends a lot of time working but it's all fake football after the show. He asked where he would be it if gave it all up. JD said he might read a book or something.
Howard said it seems like his fake football league is taking away from his fake football video game. JD said it is. He said he gets shit talked by Michael Rapaport all the time too. Fred did more of his impression of JD.
Gary said that JD must have had a really crappy day yesterday. He said his favorite team tied and that's the worst when it comes to a game. JD went of about that for a minute. He didn't stammer or pause once during that rant.
Howard said JD has lived there in New York for a long time so maybe he should root for the Giants or Jets. JD said there's no way he could do that. Howard said he has lived all over the country and he's a fan of the team that's local. JD said he did that with the Buccaneers in Tampa when he lived down there. He said that he moved to New York and he went back to his favorite team. Howard said the worst part of his life was living in that town he grew up in. He said that when he got to New York things improved for him. He said New York has been nothing but great for him. He said Cincinnati has been nothing but bad for him. JD said it's in his blood. Howard said he's going to choose a team for him. He said he looks like a Jet fan. He said he looks like them. JD said alright.
Howard said that JD's wife recorded some audio of him playing Madden football. Howard played a clip and said that his wife recorded it without him knowing. JD was cursing a lot and getting angry with the game.
Howard said it must have hard for his wife to get sexually aroused after hearing that. Robin asked who he's getting angry with in that clip. JD said it's with himself he thinks.
Fred did his impression of JD playing Madden. JD is making new noises in those games so Fred had those down. Howard said the coach of the Bengals doesn't even care as much about the team as JD does. JD said he's sure he does.
Howard said the next two days are going to be jam packed with things. He said he's got more Benjy in Los Angeles coming up. He said they have a slow adult phony phone call to play. He said he has a lot of things to talk about for the app and things about Sports announcers and what they're up to. He said they'll talk to Ronnie about his inability to pick someone to vote for. Howard said they'll have Trump and Biden on just for Ronnie. He said they're going to debate just for Ronnie. He said it'll only be about issues that relate to Ronnie. Howard said then Ronnie will be able to make up his mind about who to vote for.
Howard asked Ronnie if the fact that Trump didn't pay taxes bothers him at all. Ronnie said he didn't hear about that. He said he was busy with NASCAR over the weekend. He said he wasn't interested in the news. Howard said maybe tomorrow grey can get him to listen. Ronnie said he'll do that. He said his buddy Kurt Busch won over the weekend. He said he had a big celebration there.
Fred did his Ronnie Puppet impression for a bit. Howard asked him a few questions about the NASCAR race and all of that. Howard said Kurt is a big Trump guy so you'd think Ronnie would vote that way. Ronnie said he votes the way he wants to vote. He said if he doesn't want to vote he won't vote. Robin asked what would make him not want to vote. Ronnie said he didn't say he wasn't going to vote. He said he just said if he doesn't want to he won't. They played another ''Undecided'' song about Ronnie.
Howard said it looks like he has more toys in his basement. Ronnie said he hasn't changed any of that. He said that they just have a light on the shelf because the TV guys asked him to do that.
Howard said he heard that Ronnie compares himself to him. Ronnie said all he said was that he called him a liar saying he doesn't know who he's voting for and he said he asked what the difference is between that and him saying that Howard doesn't know if he's signing a new contract. Howard said that analogy is completely wrong. Howard said he would sign if he could but there are other people involved. He said there are people at Sirius who are involved. Ronnie said there are people involved in the election too. Howard said it's not up to just him. He said it's up to SiriusXM too. Ronnie said it's not up to him if he likes a candidate or not. Howard said that it is. He said he either likes them or not. Ronnie said if he doesn't like either one of them then he doesn't have to vote. Robin said you have to exercise your right to vote. Ronnie asked why he would vote for two people he doesn't like.
Howard said he has a reason, your grandchildren. He said you want the world to be right for them. He said you're planting the seeds for their future. He said that we have to do something to stop the melting of the polar ice caps. He said you have to do something for them. He said they'll be dead but your grandchildren have to live on this planet. He said you have all of these things on the table.
Howard said he thinks that he would want his grandchildren to have a place they can live. Ronnie said all of these guys say stuff they'll do but it's all bullshit. Howard said he's right. He said you have to look at the most competent person for the future. Ronnie said he'll listen to the debate tomorrow night. Howard said forget that, tomorrow morning they'll have Trump and Biden on. He said that they're going to talk about nothing but Ronnie issues. He said he'll make them address everything.
Howard said they will resume tomorrow. He said there's a lot on the table for the show tomorrow. Ronnie Puppet said he has a debate for them tomorrow. He said cunt or asshole. Ronnie said it's both to him. Howard said he knows that Ronnie is undecided but there are people on the phone who are also undecided. Howard took a call from Wendy the Slow Adult clips who said she's undecided just like Ronnie. Howard spent a minute talking to her before letting her go.
Howard said that a lot of people don't know this but Wendy is voting for Trump. He said a lot of the slow vote is going to Trump.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he gets thrown off by Ronnie. He said part of the reason he's stuck in the house and miserable is because of Trump. Ronnie said he hears him. Ralph asked how he can even think about voting for him. Ronnie said he never said that he was voting for him. Ralph said Ronnie has kids and he has to give a shit about this stuff. Ronnie said he just said he was undecided. Ralph asked how he can be undecided. Ronnie said he sounds like that other idiot he talked to the other day. Ralph said he knows this isn't helpful. He said he seems like a somewhat intelligent guy and he has to see what this guy is doing and how he lies about all of this stuff. He said he has to be out of his mind. Ronnie said he never said he was voting for him. Ralph hung up.
Robin asked if Stephanie is undecided. Ronnie said she'll have to talk to her about that. Howard said she could say what she's saying. Ronnie said he doesn't talk for her. He said she has her own opinions. Howard asked where she is. Ronnie said she's at work. He said he's not sure if he's decided or not.
Howard spent a minute talking to Ronnie puppet about the vote and Stephanie. Robin wondered if there are any other undecided people on the staff. Howard said he's not sure.
Howard said he thinks that Trump needs to debate more than Biden. He said if he was Biden he'd say he has to come in and show his tax returns to debate. He said Biden wouldn't even have to debate. Robin said she wouldn't even address Trump. She said she'd just say show the tax returns.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Ronnie is a part of the silent majority and he's surrounded by a bunch of liberals. Ronnie said everyone thinks they have him figured out. He said he's not afraid to say who he's voting for or anything like that. Howard said he wouldn't yell at him.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that Ronnie knows the news about Trump not paying his taxes so what does he think about that. Ronnie said that's not cool. King said that Ronnie doesn't even care about that. He said he should say that he hates the guy if he thinks that. Ronnie said he's not going to say something he doesn't mean.
Howard let King and Ronnie go at each other for a few minutes. They argued about each other being phonies and liars. King said that they told him about the taxes thing and Ronnie still doesn't care. Ronnie said he doesn't have to brag about who he is. He said he's just him and that's it. He said King is always bragging about the material things he has.
Howard said Ronnie was in the military and he knows his servicemen died. Ronnie said that's right and when did King serve. King said he's like Trump who avoided it. Howard said Ronnie should vote because all of these guys died for our right to vote. King said that Ronnie is going to vote and he's voting for Trump. Howard said this has gotten out of hand. Ronnie was still screaming at King.
Howard said he doesn't want to know who Ronnie is voting for. He said he's just saying that he's undecided. He said he didn't say he's voting one way or the other. He said that he just thinks you lean one way or the other. Ronnie continued to yell at King about how smart he thinks he is.
King said if they lined Ronnie up with 4 other Trump voters, would he look different than them. Howard said he know educated people who are voting for Trump and a lot of subhumans who are voting for him too. He said it's not one type of voter. He said that's a sad situation when you think it's just one type of person.
Howard said the thing is that he thinks Ronnie is decided because he starts screaming when you ask him about it. Ronnie said he wasn't screaming until they put this shit head on with him. King said as soon as Howard said it was in the news that Trump didn't pay taxes he started yelling. Ronnie said that he didn't hear it because he was watching NASCAR.
Howard said one of the things that Ronnie said was that the country is so broken as the country. He said he's going to vote to change that. He said he's not sure why Ronnie isn't decided on that. King said he's sure that Ronnie voted already. He said he probably sent in his ballot and got it back because it's too early for early ballots.
Howard said Ronnie doesn't go one way or another. He said he voted for Trump but he also voted for Obama, Bush and Clinton twice. King said Ronnie knows what a shitbag Trump has been but he still likes him. Robin said they're never going to get this straightened out. She said she did hear a story about a man who caught his wife cheating and the husband shot the guy and made her decapitate the guy. Robin wondered if they could put that marriage back together. Howard said of course they could.
Howard said that tomorrow they'll have Trump and Biden on for Ronnie. Howard wrapped up and ended the show a short time later. They were done around 10:55am.
Robin said she's not sure if he's been audited but they go after pennies. Howard said he has. He said he's trying to figure out how to rig the system. He said he's so straight he never wants to be audited. He said he knows people who do all kinds of whacked out deductions. He said he has one employer and he has one paycheck. He said he can't hide behind a corporate shell. He said he pays a lot of taxes. He said he will never beat the system.
Robin said when they got into this business she was told to deduct her makeup and all of this. Howard said you can but he can't. He said he's paranoid. He said he doesn't want anyone coming after him. He said he has to get a hair cut so he's not deducting that. He said his father gave him the best advice about taxes. He said he told him if he pays a lot then he made a lot of money.
Howard said he was audited once and there was nothing wrong. He said it was a creepy feeling having it done though.
Howard said he was thinking about how interesting the IRS is. He said it's a fascinating system. He said they give you the money but then come after you. He said they'll have to see what happens with that.
Robin said that she owed money to the Air Force when she left it and they took the money from her before she left. She said they were able to track $500 but not the $100 million.
Howard said he's not sure if something illegal happened or not. He said who knows. Robin said they say that happens in the real estate business all the time. She said they say it's normal to have that happen.
Howard said Robin doesn't know because she's a straight shooter. He said he moved to New York and he had an accountant who said that he thought he owed ''about'' so much. He said that he other owed it or not. He said he didn't want to estimate it. He said he wanted it exact. He said he went to an accounting firm and they told him how they do it.
Robin said she didn't pay taxes for a while at NBC. She said she was very confused and she threw it all in a drawer and never went back to it. She said that she didn't think she could pay them then so she went on for about 5 years. She said she heard news about a soap opera actor going to prison for taxes so she went home and called Don and told him she hadn't paid for 5 years and got it all straightened out. Robin said she could have gone to jail and she didn't owe what Donald Trump owes.
Howard said Robin has had all kinds of issues over the years. He said she had a driver's license issue too. Robin said she lost it because of speeding tickets. She said the judge said they were taking it away from her and she didn't think they could. She said she had no idea that her license had been suspended for a year before that. She said that she had to spend a year without a license. She said she had to get to work and he said that she could drive to and from work and to the motor vehicle department and that was it.
Howard said he used to tell people that she was a criminal and he was working with a criminal. He said she's hard core. He said she could have done serious time. Robin said she could have.
Howard said there's a lot of craziness out there. He said there was one story after another that blew his mind. He said there's a town out there called Swastika, New York. He said they had a big vote about renaming the town or not. He said the vote was taken and they voted to keep the name. He said grey said that the town was named in the 1800s and it wasn't named after Nazis. He said it wasn't based on anything hateful. Howard said they say it was based on it meaning ''Good Fortune.'' Howard said who knows that. He said most people think of it as a hateful thing now.
Howard said if your town Swastika is good fortune then name it Good Fortune. Robin said people don't make sense. Howard said to Jews it doesn't mean good fortune. He said there was nothing good about it.
Howard said there was a town named Dead Negro Hollow in Tennessee. He said somewhere in their history they thought that was a cool name for the town. Robin said they were going to scare the crap out of every black person. Howard said they even changed their name last year. They finally let go of it just a year ago. He said you could drive to Dead Negro Hollow. He said when you name the town that name then you're all in on racism. Robin said that she imagines that the whole town was Clansmen.
Howard said he did some research and the government did step in for a few names. He said they had Jab Creek, Oregon. He said there were over 200 anti-Asian towns and the government said you can't do that. Robin said they won't let you have some license plates but they were getting away with those town names.
Howard said when he was six he heard about Intercourse, Pennsylvania and he was tickled. He said when he turned 7 he was over it. He said there's Climax, Michigan, Butz, Georgia. He said there's a Felch, Michigan. He said that's not offending anyone though. He said there's dick Shooter Idaho. Beaver Lick Kentucky, Booger Hold West Virginia and Peepee Creek Ohio.
Howard said imagine you keep some of these names. He said you know they still walk around there in Dead Negro calling it the old name.
Howard said Shuli was thinking of moving there. He said that was his second choice after Alabama. He said he was going to move to Swastika. He said in Dead Negro Hollow there's no white flight.
Howard said they asked a historian about the naming of Dead Negro Hollow and they were saying that this guy discovered a silver mine there. He said the white people there said fuck you and that he wasn't going to get the silver mine so they took him to a tree and did you know what there. He said they hung him and then named the town after him. He said they didn't keep it quiet, they were proud of the name of the town.
Howard said he thought that was a crazy fucking story. He said there's a bunch of weird shit going on.
Howard said it's unbelievable. He said at least update it to Dead African American Hollow. Robin said it could have been worse. Howard said she's right. He said it could have been the N-word so thanks for not using that.
Howard took a call from the fake Mayor of Swastika, New York which was the guys playing Hitler speech audio clips. Howard spent a minute talking to the clips about the naming of the town. Howard said he is very charismatic this mayor.
Howard said he used to love the guardian Angels down there in the subway. He said that they don't have the budget for the cops.
Howard said the worst story he ever heard was something Richard told him. He said he was in the subway and got into an empty car and sat in a pile of shit. He didn't even see it in the seat. He said he's from Kansas so he's not thinking about shit. He said he sat right in it and got up. He said you'd go home if you were anyone but Richard. He said Richard went to a bar to watch a game. He said he spent the night at the bar instead of going home to change.
Howard asked if the shit stuck to his clothes. Richard said he wiped most of it off but it was still on him. He said it was a 2 hour long trip so he was halfway through it when he got on the L train. He said he wasn't paying attention and people tried to warn him about it. He said he sat right in it because he thought he had an empty spot on the train.
Richard said he wiped his pants off and went to the bar. He said he stayed outside in a corner. Howard said he had human shit all over him. He asked if drinking is that important to him. He answered his own question.
Howard asked if he was drunk when he fell. Richard said he was running and hurt his hand. He said he tripped on the sidewalk and his hand broke his fall. Howard said it looks infected. He said he should go now. Richard said his stomach is queasy too. Howard asked if he has throbbing pain. Richard said yeah. He said he can't move his finger. Robin said it's probably broken. Richard said what are you going to do? He said it's his pinkie so he doesn't use it that much. Howard did his impression of Richard's dad talking to him about that.
Robin said the guy known as the Cake Boss tried to fix his bowling alley pin setter and the pin setter was impaling his hand over and over again until his 16 year old son got a saw and sawed him out of there. Howard asked how he knew to do that. Robin said he just found a saw and started sawing. Robin said they repaired his hand but it's going to take a long time to recover. She said he may lose function in that hand because of that. Howard said he's going to have a Jeff the Drunk situation because of that. Robin said don't say that. Howard said he's impressed that the guy who owns a bakery has a bowling alley. Richard said he's huge.
Howard said what would be cool is that they cut off his hand and give him a replacement that is a cake mixer. He said when people meet him they know he's a baker. Richard said he's like Edward Scissorhands.
Robin said there was a guy who couldn't play piano anymore and they gave him gloves that can make his fingers move so he can play piano again. Howard said he's thinking of getting it. He said it's called the Billy Joel glove.
Richard asked if he can make an announcement. Howard said go ahead. Richard said he's going to be a dad again. Howard said he's the guy who sat in shit and went to a bar. He said that's the guy who is going to be a dad again. Richard said they've been trying for a while. He said they're having another boy. Robin asked how Bubby is going to take it. Richard said they need someone to wear Bubby out.
Howard asked what name will be. Richard said they're going to name him Cameron Chuck Christy. He said the name Chuck is named after someone he lost in his life 19 years ago. Howard asked if they use all Cs. Richard said they do. He said that's just a fun thing they do.
Howard said Richard named his kid, Carson, after a player on the Eagles and the guy isn't having a good year. Richard said his wife gets so pissed about the Eagles.
Howard looked at Richard's wife's Twitter feed and saw her going off about the Eagles. He read through a bunch of her comments. Richard said she might be gunning to be their new coach. Howard asked how she got so into that. Richard said her dad is a huge Eagles fan. Richard said it's like that movie ''Silver Linings Playbook.'' He said she just grew up like that.
Robin said they have a lot of women on the field now. She said they have coaches and officials too.
Howard said he thinks they gave Joe the idea to do that when they asked him to call JD eating his breakfast. Howard played that clip where Joe was doing play by play for JD eating.
Howard said he loves Joe Buck. He said only a professional would have those calorie counts. Richard said that was fun to watch. Howard said he's something.
Howard had some audio of an MMA announcer. He said they weren't doing their thing either for a while. He said he was working for a sex web cam site. He said he was announcing for people who are blind. He said he was announcing live web cam sex shows. Howard said thank god he has sight. He said this is Sean Wheelock announcing a Belle Helen web cam show. He played the clip and Sean was describing what she was doing. Robin was laughing at his play by play. She said you don't get excited over that.
Howard said the best bit would be to have this Sean guy come over and do a play by play of him having sex with Beth. He said Beth gave him the green light last night for sex. He did the play by play himself. He described what they were doing and how he got hard after rubbing her ass and then some tittie. Then he had to make sure the lights were off before he took his shirt off. He called the missionary position and how Beth had to give him the assist to get him into her vagina. He cracked some jokes and Beth told him to shut up and get busy because she has to feed the foster cats. Howard described his necklace bashing into Beth's teeth. Howard said if you look closely you can see a tear falling out of Beth's eye.
Howard said that's the coolest thing ever to call that. He said he's giving that guy Sean a shout out. He said that was for a good cause. He said he's not sure he could beat off to that though. Robin asked if a visually impaired person can call and tell them if that can help them out.
Howard said Sean also calls it when people give money to the women. Howard had another clip of Sean calling the tips during the play by play.
Howard did his impression of him doing that and talking about the top tippers and things like that. Howard said how nice that people tip. He said he'd just watch for free.
Howard said sometimes the performer is so loud that they drown out Sean. He said he doesn't think the blind people care though. Howard played another clip where the web cam model was moaning so loud that it was drowning out Sean's play by play.
Howard said he may want to do this for a living. He said he watches enough porn. He said he could do step mom porn. He said he needs a backdrop for that. He did his play by play for a step mom porn that he was making up. He was doing this while Fred played audio of a woman getting pounded.
Howard said he could do that. Richard said that was great. Robin said he can do that if they don't sign a new contract. Howard said he won't go back to AGT. He said every once in a while he asks Jon Hein how their ratings are and he says they're not doing that well. Howard asked what's going on with that. Jon said they had the finale this week and it was under 6 million viewers. He said last year they had 10 million. Howard said that's awful. He said that's so sad. He said fuck them. He said what he loves is that they'd bring back the old judges and they never even show him in old clips. He asked if they ever do that or have they scrubbed him from history. Robin said she never watches. Howard said he doesn't either. He said he got PTSD watching it. Jon said a lot of people aren't watching it.
Howard said America must miss him. Jason laughed. Howard said they have to miss him. Jason said of course they do. He said the numbers don't lie. He said the numbers are low now. He said he has never seen them show Howard in a past clip. He said they don't show a lot of past video clips period. He said they may not honor their past.
Howard said he likes Howie but he hates Simon. He said he has never seen a happier supermodel other than Heidi. He said she loves that show. He said she parades around and has that camera on her all the time.
Howard said it's really weird that these offspring of famous people get naked on their social media. He said that Heidi and Mel B loved to get dressed up for work. He said he'd come to work dressed and he'd just sit in his trailer waiting for them. He said they had their personal dresser coming to get them dressed.
Howard said Heidi and Mel always had music blasting there. He said he'd ask them to turn it down so they moved him away from them. He said he was aggravated and wanted to work. He said Mel B had a whole team there and her kids. He said that Heidi had her kids there too. He said they'd go to work and he was fucking miserable there. He said he just wanted to judge the acts and give his two cents.
Robin said she did tune in to see how the judges were working and she saw that Howie was the one who got to talk and he looked like he loved it. Howard said Howie asked if he could believe they were being paid to do that. Howard said he did because there's no way he'd do it without being paid well.
Howard said Mel B is probably the only one who was qualified for the job. He said Simon walks around thinking he knows everything. He said he's not sure what he does. He said he doesn't see any talent there. Howard said he was the one who wanted to go home instead of sending someone home.
Howard said he hung him there for 4 years but he doesn't wish them ill. He said ''well'' first but Robin corrected him. Howard said he really doesn't wish them ill. He said he wanted to declare everyone a winner and go home. He said it was hard. He said it was an easy gig but it was hard too. He said if you were honest they'd edit you out. He said he was hard on some people. He said he had to be but then they'd edit his comments out. He said he was asked to ease up at times.
Howard said one time he let loose on a magician and they cut it right out. He said he said to this magician and his assistant and he asked them who the worst act was and he'd get rid of them. He said that the guy refused to bad mouth another magician so he didn't give him a name. He said the assistant said that she'd give a name. He said she gave him the name and he threw the other magician out. He said that he thought that he had done some brilliant TV. He said the producers said they weren't going to use that. He said it was too mean.
Howard said his first day there he made a little kid cry. He said he was rapping. Robin said she was there that day. She said he really thought he had talent. Howard said he thought they were going to take the show away from him that day.
Howard said his wife is there. He asked her to come in but she said she looks so bad. Howard said this is her bad look. Howard said she's vacuuming so much that she has a callus on her hand. He said he won't even touch it. He said she asked him to touch it and ie said there's no way he's going to do that. He said she must be vacuuming wrong. He said she needs a special glove or something.
Howard said he was telling everyone he had a good night last night. He said that's why he's so chipper this morning. Howard asked if she wants to tell America anything. She said no. She said Howard was miserable during AGT. She said that it was really bad. Howard said it was an easy gig but he didn't like it.
Howard said one of their cats will spray. He said they have a series of fences and blockades and clamps. He said they keep putting them up but the cats keep outfoxing them. He said he's not sure how they do it but they can. Beth said it's ridiculous what their house looks like. Howard said he can't even get down there to work. He said he has to get through this maze and the cats are laughing at him.
Shuli told Howard he took his daughter to see Howard at Radio City when Howard was on AGT. He said he could not take his eyes off of Howard because he was so miserable. He said at one point he brought his daughter over and he was so thrilled to see him and he brought her over to his table. He said it was an escape for him.
Howard said he got to sit next to Heidi and someone said that he had it made. He said that she'd bring her kids there and she'd have her kids sitting in his chair. He said that grey took over the whole thing. Robin said they took over the whole stage. Howard said he just wanted to be left alone and sit here. Howard said Mel would have her kids there the same day. Robin said it was kid time during every break they took. Howard said he wanted to know where Seal was to take care of those kids.
Howard said it was just crazy there. Shuli said the other thing was that everyone would grab their phones but not Howard. He said he was so miserable. Howard said Heidi would ask him to take pictures with her and he figured it was for NBC but then he found out that Heidi was doing it for her social media. He said he put a stop to it after that. He said he wasn't doing it if it wasn't for NBC. He said he told her to leave him alone.
Jason said that Howie Mandel is huge on TikTok now. Richard said he got big from doing a video where he spins around in a circle and claps. He said now he's Mr. TikTok. Robin said she hopes they end that all. Howard said he hopes Trump gets rid of TikTok. He said he didn't know that Howie was big on there. He said maybe all of that shit he does is big. Robin said TikTok is a lot of young people. She said anything like that gets viewed again and again.
Gary said TikTok is basically someone doing something and everyone else copies it. He said they took him saying Baba Booey and they had a collection of about 10 people doing that and they had about 30 million views.
Howard said Beetlejuice is big on there too. He said that some kids discovered him and he has a huge following on TikTok. Gary said he knows a guy who has a 13 year old son and they don't even know the show but they know Beetlejuice. He said the kids think Beetlejuice is a legend. Howard said he is. He said some of the clips are from their show and some aren't. He said that he'd dress up as something and come on the show. Gary said one is him dressed as Don King. He said he thinks he saw him marching in a Black Lives Matter march. He said he looked good too. Howard said he always was an activist.
Richard said he saw Beetlejuice with a big beard and it was recent. He said he looked great. Howard asked why he can't come on the show. Richard said he thinks that it was just random people filming him. Shuli said he's a few hours from where he's at and he may go rescue him one day. Howard said he knew there was a reason he moved to Alabama. Robin said he's Wack Pack South. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and talked about the Social Distortion song they had playing. He said he was watching a guy on Facebook. He said this guy is a comedian named Jack Vale and he has this fart machine that he brings with him and he goes around farting on people. He said it's the funniest thing he's seen. He said he probably wasted 2 hours watching him farting on people. Robin said that's a hack move according to Chris Rock. Howard said look up this guy up and you'll laugh your ass off.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she spent 4 years cheering for him on AGT. She said that they do show clips of him on the show. She said she has to talk to him about politics. She asked if she has a platform for a minute. Howard said alright. Mariann said that King of All Blacks is using a bullying tactic. She said that there's a good article in the NY Post about why Biden should be president. She said she wants to know what NASCAR has to do with the vote and Trump. Howard said it has nothing to do with it.
Howard said the whole thing with Ronnie started because he found it hard to believe that he was undecided on his vote. Howard said people are already voting. He said his mom already voted. Howard said Ronnie has to have read enough about Trump or Biden to have made up his mind. He said he's not saying he should be for one or the other but he should have made a choice.
Howard said it did seem weird that Ronnie was undecided and didn't want to talk about it. He said that a lot of fans wrote in about Ronnie and King of All Blacks. He read through some of those comments and people were split between Ronnie and King.
Howard said he just anted to know if he had made a decision. Mariann said she knows that. Howard read more comments from fans and there were some people on King's side and told Howard to keep Ronnie off the show.
Mariann said that the red and blue are attacking each other and that's what's wrong with this country today. Howard said he understands. Howard said a lot of people enjoy when Ronnie gets riled up. He read through more of the fan feedback he had.
Robin said she's afraid that Ronnie is going to have a heart attack and no one will be there for him. Ronnie told her not to worry about it. Howard read some comments about Ralph calling in and people were siding with him and saying that Ronnie is a moron. Ronnie said it's fine. He said they can do what they want. He said if they want to be bullies that's fine with him. He said that's what's wrong with this country too. He said it's all fucking bullshit. He asked who Ralph thinks he is. He said that he just won't tell him who he's voting for. He said it's none of Ralph's fucking business who he votes for.
Howard had both fake Trump and fake Biden on the phone. He let the two of them talk to each other for a minute before getting to Ronnie. Howard said this is all to help Ronnie make a decision. Howard asked if the two of them can agree on anything. Both of them said that they can't believe that Ronnie is undecided.
Howard asked if Ronnie is ready. Ronnie said he's all set. Howard gave the floor to Trump first. Trump told him to be loud and proud about being a Trump supporter. Ronnie said he did vote for him last time. Trump asked what it's going to take to get him on his side. He asked if it's gold plated cock rings or what. Ronnie said he's not looking for that. Trump offered him Melania if he's into that. Ronnie said he'd have a threesome with her and Stephanie.
Howard said Trump has made a strong argument. He said that was impressive. He went to Biden next. He said that people are saying that he's too old for the job. Biden said that anyone seems old next to a man in a room with a bunch of toy cars. He said that he can also draw a clock unlike Ronnie. Ronnie said half the time he doesn't know where he is.
Biden and Trump were telling Ronnie what they were willing to do to get his vote. They were offering up all kinds of things. Howard asked what Ronnie makes of this. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said he's not sure if he'd be into any of that stuff.
Howard said he will speak for Ronnie when it comes to the Coronavirus. He said that he can't go out and yell ''cunt'' like he wants to. He asked them for their take on Coronavirus and what the future looks like. Trump said today he's going to make an executive order saying that this Coronavirus is over as of today so he can go out. Biden said that's preposterous and this is science and he has to listen to that. He said he doesn't want Stephanie buying a casket for him and tiny caskets for his dildos.
Howard said he's going to have them give their closing statements. He asked Biden to go first. He said gave a speech about how the future of their republic relies on their vote. Howard had Trump give his closing statement. Trump said he'll do anything for him. He said that he can't lose the cranky old pervert vote.
Howard asked if Ronnie has made up his mind yet. Ronnie said he's still undecided. He said he's taking it all under consideration. Ronnie said he is leaning toward Trump because of the Cher deal he offered him. He said that's a pretty good bargaining chip as far as he's concerned. Howard asked if Biden can get him Cher. Biden said that Trump slowed down dildo production by 40 percent so that affects Ronnie personally. Trump said production is up on dildos. He said he wins and bye Sad Ronnie, Black Robin and Big Nose Howard.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Biden and Trump. They were still trying to get Ronnie's vote. Howard said that Trump knows how to appeal to Ronnie. Biden said that it's going to be 300 degrees in Las Vegas if they don't do something about global warming. He said his toy cars will melt. Trump said that they have the wettest water in Las Vegas and that's why his hotel is doing so well there.
Howard said that Biden made a good point about the mail service. He said it used to take 2 days and now it takes 2 weeks. Trump said you can have it in 2 hours from Amazon. Trump and Biden kept going trying to convince Ronnie to vote for them. Trump said if any of the Dominican girls at Rick's give Ronnie trouble it's instant deportation.
Howard asked if they have any closing statements. Trump said that promises made and promises kept. He said he will keep all of his promises. He said he's going to make sure that Ronnie is happy. Howard asked if Biden has anything to say. Biden said they'll get Rick's open and get Ronnie back in there.
Howard said there's a lot to think about there. Ronnie said Trump said that too. Howard said that Trump promised him Cher. Trump said he'll get a male Cher impersonator so they can skip the strap on step.
Howard said Trump fucked Melania so is she good in bed. Trump said she invented social distancing about 3 years ago but if you can get her in bed it's amazing.
Howard said he figured that trump would give Ronnie Ivanka. Trump said no way because that's his. He said if they change these biblical laws he can finally marry her. Howard laughed.
Howard asked what their game plan is for tonight. Trump said that Joe doesn't know where he is and he's a mess. He said he's going to run circles around him. He said he won't know what hit him. Biden said that he's going to call him out on his tax returns and call him a nincompoop for what he has done to this country. Howard said he thinks that Trump offered Ronnie a lot of things that he can't deliver on. He said that Biden may have had more realistic things. Howard said Ronnie was impressed with the Trump offers.
Howard asked if Biden fell asleep. Trump called him Sleepy Joe. Biden said that he has to try to fix health care and the country. Trump said he's got to go prepare for the debate. He said this time he'll be prepared.
Howard let Trump and Biden go a short time later. Howard said that was a little preview of what will be happening tonight. He said that Ronnie is thinking about it now so that's good. He went to break after that.
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Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said he knows it's been a while but can they figure out what kid of vacuum his wife uses. He said his wife needs a new one and he wants to know what to use. Howard said Robin turned her onto this thing. Robin said it's the Shark. She said it's cordless and amazing. The caller asked how long the battery lasts. Robin said it's good to go and it charges pretty fast. She said that it lasts like 45 minutes on one charge.
Howard said they have a central vacuum and she uses that too. Howard said it's kind of cumbersome though. He said she uses the Shark as her go to vacuum. He said they're not a sponsor but he will give them a plug. He said they say that Lars will be back on to tell them what the best vacuum is.
The caller asked if he can give his wife a shout out. He said his wife Sadie listens every day. Howard said no one cares. He asked why he has to do that.
Howard said people write in saying they love his top 3 lists. He said he was trying to come up with more. He said he made a note about the best live concerts he ever saw. He said he was thinking about it and he thought about working at K-Rock and how many concerts they went to. He said they went to a lot in the 90s because they were a grunge station. He said Stone Temple Pilots were amazing. He said they had a stage setup that was like a living room. He said that was a great concert.
Howard said he's seen Led Zeppelin, Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones. He said they're an amazing live show. He said he saw ZZ Top. He said John Varvatos had them playing at one of his stores. He said it was mind blowing. He said those three guys live are incredible.
Howard said he was thinking about the live concert that really blew him away. He said the one he thinks about is Nine Inch Nails. He said that's Trent Reznor. He said Metallica with an orchestra was amazing too. He said that was crazy good. He said Trent had an amazing concert too though. He said he was so moved by that concert that it blew his mind. He said it was amazing. He said maybe Nine Inch Nails was the one. He asked the guys to play ''Hurt'' from Nine Inch Nails. He said Trent is kind of normal looking but back in the 90s he looked like he lived in a dungeon and never left the house.
Howard said that Marilyn Manson had a great live show. He said Alice cooper had a great live show.
Howard said he saw some bad concerts too. He said that the worst he ever saw was Prince. He said he was dying to see him and a friend invited him to go down to see him do this private concert. He said that he asked them to turn off all the lights so he was playing in the dark. He said he had to be fucking kidding him. He said he started yelling at them to turn the lights on. He said they turned them on and then Prince had them turn them off. He said he left early because it was such a bummer. He said he could do this at home so he left.
Robin said she went to see Prince once and he played a record on a record player. She said he wasn't even playing live.
Howard said Prince may have been great when you can see him perform. Robin said when she saw him he just stood there playing a record. Howard said that's a listening party. He said they used to do that back in the day. He said he went to one and it was very uncomfortable. Robin said she thought that Prince was going to perform and then she gets there and he's playing a record.
Howard asked what other two concerts does he have. Michael said that Wu Tang Clan was amazing. He said he also has to say that in the 90s he and his friend Juliette Lewis saw the Rolling Stones together. He said that concert was sick. Howard said please no one else call in with their top 3 concerts. He said it's only important what he thinks.
Michael said he was calling in about Ronnie. He said he can't stand dick stain Donald Trump. He said that if Ronnie is voting for him it's like a scarlet letter to vote for him at this point. Howard said he has to stop him here. He said this all came about for another reason. He said he just found it hard to believe that he was undecided. He said that he doesn't care who he's voting for but he doesn't get how he is undecided. Michael said he thinks that Ronnie has concrete in his head.
Howard asked if Michael is working yet. Michael said that Atypical was supposed to start shooting the 28th of October but they're pushing it off to January 13th. He said knock on wood for that date. He said that people are starting to go back to work. He said they're doing some shows and so far so good.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked why Michael is going off on him. He asked how he's a lunatic. Michael said that he buried him and he was done with him. He said he's an iconic caller even though his calls suck. He said he was trying to articulate that sometimes when people beat women that's a form of love. He said that shows he's a dumb fuck.
King said he's just speaking the truth. He said he knows what he's talking about. He said there's evidence for what he's saying. He said Michael is just saying it for his wife or whatever.
Michael asked if his best friend beat the shit out of him and gave him black eyes would that be a form of love or what. King said that's not the same thing.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who went off on Michael calling him a bully.
Howard asked King if OJ really loved Nicole more than any man loved a woman. King said he thinks he was jealous and angry about her cheating on him. Howard said that King thinks that's love. King said that he'll tell you what this is. He said if Nicole Simpson was black they wouldn't be talking about her. He said the second reason is that he loved her and was jealous of her but she was done with him. Robin said so it was love. King said it was on his side. Howard said he chopped her head off so he loves her. King said she didn't want him back.
Gary said OJ beat Nicole long before anything was going on. He said she wasn't cheating the first time he beat her up. He asked him to explain that. King said that he can explain that but he's not giving him excuses. He said he's putting the blame on her for giving mixed messages. Howard asked if he ever thought that Nicole was scared to leave him. King said come on. He said he understands that in some cases but you can't tell him that in all cases it's the same.
Howard asked Michael what he thinks about this. King said he knows what he's going to say. Michael said King sounds dumb and ridiculous. He said if a man beats a woman he is a bitch ass mother fucker and he should get his ass beat.
Howard said he has to stop this for a minute. He said on the phone is Tan Mom who is angry with Michael. Michael said he doesn't know that wack job. Howard put Tan Mom on and she said that all he talks is about racism. She said something but her phone cut out. Howard said she sure told him off. Howard said he has Tan Mom Puppet on to finish that thought. Shuli did his Tan Mom impression and said she just wants to say that she's very upset with what has said today. He cut her off like she cut off a minute ago.
King asked if he can ask Michael one last question. Howard said go ahead. King asked about Ray Rice and if the girl who got beat was a dumb bitch for marrying her. Michael said that he's saying that King is a dumb bitch. Howard said this is a silly question. Howard asked how Michael knows why she married him. King said he already knows. He said she loves him. Robin said maybe she loves money. King said that she was with him before he was playing football. Michael said he ruins everything. King said people can't take the truth.
Howard said he already explained to Michael why they were confused about Ronnie. He said that he just wanted to know why he was undecided.
Howard said on the phone right now is Tan Mom with a better connection. He got her back on and she was telling King he's making no sense. King explained to her about his thoughts on people who hurt each other and if there is love there. Tam Mom said that's not a healthy love. King said he knows that and she has to get out of the relationship but there is love in there somewhere. Tan Mom said it's disgusting to be in a relationship that's abusive. She said she thinks about Howard and Beth. King said she's giving him a sermon. Howard said Tan Mom doesn't like it when people don't make sense.
Howard got Tan Mom Puppet on the line and she was talking to King about all of that too. The puppet wasn't making much sense.
Howard thanked everyone for their calls. He said he needed this. King said he has to go get a new marble base for his shower. Michael said no one cares. He said he's going to be alone. King asked if he should get a straight edge or a bevel. Howard said bevel. Robin said get a waterfall for the shower.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she needs to make a statement on all of this. Mariann went off on Michael and on King. She said both of them are abusers of women. She said case closed. Howard said you can't just say case closed. King said he is not abusive to women. Robin asked if he has no history. King said he has it from years and years ago. Robin said he's an ex-abuser. King said he's not an ex-anything. He said he treats women with respect.
Howard said he heard that King does an impression of Biggie rapping. King said he does. He asked to do it. Howard said go ahead. He muffled his voice and rapped and said that's him rapping through the grave. Howard said that's so stupid.
Howard wished Michael luck at his job when that starts up again. King asked how he goes from an A actor to a B actor. Howard said he is an A actor. He said you can't knock his acting. He said every time he tries to talk this fucking guy talks over him. He hung up on King. Howard said Michael is a very accomplished actor.
Howard said Michael had a big comeback in the fantasy football league there. Michael said he was up against Will Murray. He said what he did was start leaving messages for him starting late last night when he knew he'd be asleep. He said he knew he'd wake up in misery.
Howard asked Will how he felt about that. Will said he saw 4 voice mails this morning when he woke up. He said he was calling him Drippy Dick in the messages.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he thinks he knows where King is going with his calls but he really shouldn't go there. He said that's all he wanted to say.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she is a survivor of abuse and she was very happy to hear Michael going after King like that. She said she had to go through three years of therapy to get through that to get out of the relationship. She said you can't just get up and leave.
Robin said it's like being a victim of being degraded and you don't think you deserve better treatment. Ralph said it's really difficult when you have kids. He said his mom went through stuff and it was horrible. He said you need a support system and not everyone has that. He said that maybe King is trying to be funny. Michael said King wasn't trying to be funny. The caller said it's all about control.
Michael said it's not love and it's just abuse. He said that's why he was so angry when he heard King talking like that. Ralph said it's about the lowest thing a man can do. Howard said this caller, Barbara, will tell you that. Barbara said there were people asking her what she did to make him beat her. Michael asked Barbara if she feels it was okay to attack him when she called in since she said the rest of his calls sucked. Barbara laughed. She said that what her ex learned was that he was being abused. Michael said he didn't think it was okay for her to attack him. Barbara said she has respect for Michael. Howard thanked everyone for their calls and let them go.
Howard said they did ''Good Riddance'' in 1998. He said that was a huge hit at the time. He played some of that performance.
Howard said the most controversial performance was when they were at K-Rock. He said it was their first booking on the show and Gary talked to the record company guys and asked them to do specific songs. He said no one had talked to them and they got upset thinking they were telling them what to do. He said they came in and went berserk cursing on the air. He played some of that performance.
Howard said Hank the Dwarf was on the show that day watching that. Howard said they didn't return to the show for 15 years following that. Gary said Billie Joe still doesn't look at him right to this day. He said he still doesn't trust him. He said Tom Chiusano yelled at him that day because of that performance and he had no control over it. Howard said the dump button ran out that day.
Howard said they have a lot of great performances from those guys. He said they were on the show last year in Los Angeles. He played some of their ''American Idiot'' performance. He said they have tons of great performances. He played a few other clips of various songs they have performed on the show.
Howard said he loves having those guys on the show. He said the first song they ever performed was ''Basket Case'' in 1997. He said he was in heaven hearing that. He played some of that performance. Howard said they did ''Welcome to Paradise'' too. He said that was about some shithole they used to live in.
Howard played some of ''When September Ends'' and explained what the song was about according to Billie Joe. Howard said that he is a great song writer.
Howard said tune into the app and find Green Day. He said it's an hour long special. He said if you love Green Day you'll have some fun with that.
Benjy said that's correct. He said he tried to jerk off to nothing. He said that's almost impossible. Howard asked why put himself through that. Benjy said he thought it was healthier. He said that they say it dulls your senses if you jerk off to porn.
Howard said many years ago when he was a young man he read about the Amish. He said they live in America but they don't use phones and cars. He said he looked into that more and found that they could buy any of their stuff and not have to make it all. He said while he's in this world he's going to take advantage of the technology that's available. He said that Benjy is doing what he does not understand. He said he's not sure why he'd churn his own butter. He asked if he follows what he's saying. Benjy said he does but he thinks that this is mentally healthy for him. Benjy said he found he was having less excitement.
Howard said we live in a golden age of watching other people fuck. He said when he was a young man he didn't have this. He said you can hit a button on a machine and see whatever you want to see. He said you can see step mother and lesbian porn. He said it's all there. He said it's the golden age. He said he wanted to live in a world like this. He said at the World's Fair they said some day you'd be able to see people fucking on a computer. Now you can.
Robin asked Benjy if it takes him longer now to jerk off. Benjy said it does. Howard asked if he reads the porn before bed. Benjy said he's in boxer briefs and a t-shirt. Howard said he must pull them down. Benjy said he reads it and does his thing. He said sometimes it's tough to go back and forth between reading and jerking. He said he'd rather be off porn completely but he ran out of thoughts.
Howard asked if Benjy Puppet is jerking off by reading. Fred did his Benjy impression and talked about how he jerks off. Howard had him read from his book. Benjy Puppet read a fake story and said he was getting aroused.
Howard said he read porn books when he was younger and they were really warped. He said that this one book was about a sex maniac who built a torture chamber. He said this guy gets a mother and daughter in his house and drugs them. He said he chains them to some boards and they're completely bored. He said they're super hot according to the book. He said they're completely locked up and freaking out. He said this guy says he's making them his sex slaves and they have to do what he says. Robin said Benjy is nodding his head like he's read this. Howard said he was reading this as a kid and it was hard core. He said of course 20 pages later these two are being trained how to do each other but then they find they love doing it and they don't want to leave. He said that the guy ends up fucking them and he was doing them a favor by making them do it.
Howard asked Benjy about reading and how long it takes to get through a story. He said it has to be weeks. Benjy said the stories are written by amateurs and they just end with weird endings. He said there are stories about the show in the book. He said one is about Gary seducing a woman. He said he thinks he jerked off to that one.
Benjy said there are some parody pornos out there and he has jerked off to those too. He said he jerked off to himself in a parody video.
Howard said Benjy Puppet is jerking off now. He asked if he jerked off to the Gary video. Benjy said that everyone was in on it. Robin asked if that's why he gave up on porn. Benjy said he was also looking up Jewish porn and he saw a very ugly woman. He said it was actually Sarah Silverman smelling Richard's balls. He said it was under the Jewish Porn section.
Howard said last year they were in Los Angeles during Yom Kippur. He said Benjy went out and started yelling at anyone who was eating. He said Benjy got this guy to force himself to vomit out on the street. Howard played a clip of Benjy talking to this guy and the guy told him what he ate. Benjy told him that it was Yom Kippur and he'd appreciate him regurgitating what he just ate. The guy tried and started gagging.
Howard said that was Benjy's shtick out there. Robin asked how he got him to do that. Benjy said he doesn't know.
Howard said Benjy continued out on the street in L.A. He said he found some tourists and had them apologize for eating. Howard played a clip of Benjy talking to them about Yom Kippur and asked them to apologize for eating on Yom Kippur.
Howard said those people went back to their country thinking L.A. was full of angry Jews. He said they have no idea.
Howard said there are a lot of people in costume out there in L.A. He had a clip of Benjy talking to a guy dressed as Spider-Man about Yom Kippur. Benjy asked the guy to apologize for eating out there. Benjy said that he's just some dude in a costume and not real Spider-Man so he should not be eating on Yom Kippur. Spider-Man said that he's never giving him his real name. He said he's living his life the way he needs to. Benjy said good day sir!.
Howard said that Benjy is great at annoying people. He said that guy was very professional by not breaking character. He said maybe he was really Spider-Man. Benjy said that he may have been spraying spider webs at him and Richard.
Howard thanked Benjy Puppet for his work. He said he likes his beard. He thanked Benjy too. Robin asked if Benjy is going to top masturbating or just stop with the porn. Benjy said he is worried about the prostate so he has to study more about that.
Howard said he was talking to Benjy about therapy. He said he's still seeing his therapist over Zoom and he's not telling her some stuff because he's embarrassed. He said maybe it's not therapy if he can't talk to her. Benjy said she is cute and he finds himself trying to dress nicer. Robin said he is on a date. Benjy said he tries to make her laugh and stuff. Howard said this is why he didn't go to a female therapist. He said he doesn't want to be there trying to seduce people. Robin said you have to be honest in therapy. She said that's what Chris Rock was saying yesterday.
Benjy said that Howard was very nice telling him off the air that he should see a male therapist. Howard said of course. He asked what he's not telling her. Benjy said he's very vague when he tells her things. He said he'll just tell her he's not happy about things. Robin asked if she knows what he's referring to. Benjy said he's not sure how long she's really done this. Robin said this is a total waste of time. Benjy said it feels good to talk to her.
Howard said he wishes him luck with his therapy. He asked if the puppet is in therapy. Benjy Puppet said that he doesn't jerk off to her. He said he just shakes and spurts.
Robin asked what this costs. Benjy said that it's free. He said he can do anything medical until the end of the year and it's covered. Howard asked if she's a college student learning to be a therapist. Benjy said she is very close if she's not graduated. Howard asked what the fuck he's doing. Robin said this is ridiculous. She said they need a tape of this.
Howard said he has to tell him if he ends up fucking her. He asked what he talks to her about. Benjy said he's not happy with his life in a lot of ways. Howard did his impression of the therapist and had her talking sexy to Benjy.
Howard said he heard that Benjy is depressed that he's not organized. He said he's head that for years though. Benjy said he knows his problems. He said he knows when he's not mentally fit but that doesn't mean he can change it.
Howard asked if he wears his cap to cover up that he's bald. Benjy said he does. Howard asked what the fuck he's doing. Benjy asked if he looks good right now. Robin said he looks fine. Benjy said he thinks he's kind of attractive. Robin said okay, she can go with that. Benjy said he knows he looks cute. Robin said she can see his eyes really well and he does look good. Howard said it's true because you can't see how blotchy his skin is.
Howard asked Robin if she would ever fuck Benjy. Robin quickly said no. She said if he wasn't talking she might entertain the idea. Benjy said that would be a great way to end the show.
Howard said it was a great show today. He said call back tomorrow if he didn't get to your call. He wrapped up and gave thanks to Trump and Biden for calling in earlier this morning. He said it was a great debate and his favorite part of the show.
Howard said its funny that Robin would consider fucking Benjy but when she had cancer she didn't let him in her room. Robin said that's right. Howard said maybe Robin has been quarantined too long. Robin said she'll probably never see Benjy in person again.
Howard said Benjy had a dream about going down on Robin. Benjy said he did and this was years ago. Robin didn't think that she ever heard that. Benjy told Robin the story about how she was selling their stuff and showing people that stuff. He said that he started giving her oral. Howard said he saw Benjy do that to a girl once. He said he used a cookie wrapper to protect himself from that woman.
Howard said the weirdest image in his head is Benjy doing that to that woman. He said she had her knees spread and he was in there eating her out. He said it was really weird to see. Gary said that's something he will never get out of his head. He said he was in his boxer shorts that day. Benjy said he's surprised he didn't get naked.
Gary said later on that night he walked by Benjy and he realized that he was getting a hand job and he ejaculated as they locked eyes. He said he was really disgusted by that too. Howard said Benjy found love.
Howard said he remembers yelling at Benjy for doing that. He said he told him to be safe and he said he was and used a cookie wrapper to be safe. Benjy said Howard was right about that. He said Howard was the first one to tell him not to do that stuff.
Benjy said the weird thing about his dream about Robin is that her vagina turned into mashed potatoes. Benjy said that he wrote that all down and he should send them what he wrote about it. Howard said don't send it to him. Robin didn't want it either.
Howard said thank god the strip clubs are closed. He said Benjy isn't out there doing this stuff to people. Benjy thanked Howard for some stuff he has suggested to him and Howard said he's going to end it now. Robin said they were so close to having a good talk with Benjy. Howard ended the show around 10:20am.
Howard said Robin is in a witch's trance. He said she's putting her headphones on now. Robin laughed when she heard that they were on for like 3 minutes. Howard said she was just reading and he thought her camera was frozen. He said he thought his dance was funny. He said he was doing an impression of his Peloton instructor. He said he took a half hour class and this girl claims to be a professional dancer. He said she can pedal and dance and he tries to do it and he almost falls off the bike. He said he'd go flying down if he did what she was doing. He said her name is Hannah Corbin. He said she always says that ''your body isn't Amazon Prime, it can't be delivered in 2 days.''
Howard said Hannah dances on the bike and smiles like she's a little embarrassed by what she does. He said she's telling you that your body isn't that great and it's not going to get better quickly. He said she's super hot because she's been working out since she was in kindergarten.
Howard said he sits there wondering if she has real tits. He said he stares at them and they do jiggle like they're real. He said he likes dancers. He said he had sex with a dancer once. He said it was fun because they're very free and like to have you see their body. He said that he's all covered up but they run around naked.
Howard said he will ask Beth to stand there naked for him and she always says no. He said she's not into that. He said it's so cute. He said he loves it.
Howard said this Hannah says the same things every lesson. She said the Amazon Prime thing and treat your body like it's someone you love. He said she has a few of those. He said you don't get into that kind of shape by sitting and writing all day. He said she's into these rolling core things. He said they're the biggest bunch of bullshit. He said she tells you to take her foam core stretching classes. He said he's doing enough on the bike.
Howard said they have a leader board and you can see how well you did. Howard said he sees that he's like 12,500 out of 13,000. He said he keeps dropping down. He said the more he does the class the lower he drops. Robin said it's not good to look at that list.
Howard said he has yet to see anyone his age in the class either. He said that he's the only one up there. He said most of the people his age are dead.
Howard said Hannah tells everyone about her husband every class too. He said she wants everyone to know that she's married so they'll leave her alone. He said it's kind of like her telling you not to stare at her. He said it's like telling everyone to back off.
Howard said her husband must be super successful. He said he has to be an investment banker or something. He said that he probably showers at the office. Robin said the way she's telling you to follow her around she must expect you not to have a job.
Howard said Benjy used to go to the classes and they have security around the instructors to keep people away from them. He said they bring in the army for that.
Howard said last night Beth got into bed and said they had to watch the debates. He said he was going to get all charged up if he stayed up to watch. He said he's convinced that he's the best debater. He said Beth said they had to watch it. He said he told her to go into another room and watch. He said he knows how he's going to vote already.
Howard said Beth told him to at least start it. He said okay. He said he put on MSNBC and they had Rachel Maddow and everyone there. He said they were licking their chops.
Howard said he really didn't want to watch this thing. He said he wanted to go to bed. He said he's sure most of America watched it. He said you saw Chris Wallace trying to control Trump and he wasn't able to do it. He said Biden was trying to get a word in and he got one in here and there. He said there was a lot of yelling and screaming. He said it looked crazy and wild. He said it was good television.
Howard said he told Ronnie that if you don't know who you're voting for there's something wrong with you. He said nothing new was learned. He said that it's like watching Real Housewives. He said it's two people yelling over one another trying to get a word in. He said it was the Real Housewives of Washington DC.
Howard said that Chris Wallace is like Andy Cohen. He said you know you learned nothing last night. He said The View has less fighting. He said it was a shit show. Robin said it started out as a fight.
Howard said he was debating and then he looks over and sees that Beth is sleeping. He said he's all charged up now and Beth is sleeping.
Howard said they should call off the next two debates. He said you can go online and learn more about each one. He said you know what Trump is going to do. He said you saw the way he handled COVID and the economy. He said Biden you have a pretty good idea of what his ideas are.
Howard said this reminded him of this moment they had with Donald Trump and AJ Benza on the show. He said that AJ was dating a girl and Donald had fucked this girl. He said the two of them started yelling at each other. He said Donald talked about how easy it was to fuck this girl that AJ was dating. Howard played some of that interview where the two of them were talking about that.
Howard said last night was the AJ Benza and Donald Trump fight but with Joe Biden sitting in. He played more of the AJ and Donald debate when they were talking about dating the same woman.
Howard said here's more of the debate. He played another clip of Donald talking about how he heard AJ was venomous to him in his book but he won't read that book.
Howard played clip after clip of the two of them going at each other. AJ said that he was going to try to date his daughter. Trump said that will never happen. AJ wanted to box him.
Howard played a clip where Donald said he didn't even think about AJ having that girl before him and he hopes that he's clean. He said AJ wouldn't feel this way if you won. Donald said that he won his girlfriend from him.
Howard said he thought this argument had way more class than last night's debate. Robin said it did. She said that Donald is a fake bully. She said that the other debater should have been Suge Knight.
Howard said he wasn't sure why they were bothering with the debate. He said it doesn't prove anything. He said that Donald just talks over everyone. He said that Chris Wallace was trying to get Donald under control and it wasn't working. He said there is no need for debate. He said America has already decided.
Howard said around 10 last night he figured he had to get to sleep. He said he turned off the TV and he was all fired up. He said he was debating in his head what he would have said. He said this didn't move the needle for anyone. He said no one's mind was changed.
Howard said they had Ronnie watch the debate and someone watched him watching. He said that Ronnie said he's still undecided. He said that he laughed at some of Biden's stutter but that was about it.
Howard said we have to just have the election and be done with it. He said there's no reason for the debates. He said they're just two guys yelling and trying to get words in.
Howard got Ronnie on and asked if he's still undecided. Ronnie said he decided later on. He said that the debate did help him kind of. Howard asked if there was something that happened that made his decision. Ronnie said nothing really. He said you couldn't hear anyone talk. He said Stephanie was yelling at the TV. He said he was trying to listen and concentrating so he wasn't looking dead. Howard said he watched the video and he didn't move the whole time. He said it did look like he passed away. Ronnie said he didn't pass away.
Ronnie said that he the whole thing didn't make sense to him last night. He said he was getting tweets from people. He said everyone was drinking during the debate. Howard said he has to say that if it swayed his vote then maybe it wasn't worthless. He said there must have been something he heard that triggered him to say he now knows. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Ronnie said that Trump kept throwing out that the economy was doing great. He said he was talking about how it's coming back. He said he just doesn't know. He said he just knows who he's voting for. He said that's all he'll say. He said he's so sick of this politics shit.
Howard said the way he looked at it was that you can't learn anything from the debate when grey yell over each other. Howard said he reads newspapers and things like that to find out what their policies are. He said he has a huge problem with the administration right now. He said his decision was very easy. He said if you want to find out what they're doing you can read and get so much more information. He said the debate is just theater. He said it's good theater but it's just theater.
Howard said he thinks this is the most important election. He said it can't be more important than this.
Ronnie asked what he thinks about this mail in ballot thing. Howard said when Donald says that the doesn't think they're legitimate he offers no proof that anything bad has happened. He said he's the president of the United States and if he was a candidate running he'd want to fix it. He said he should put some money and attention into it to improve it. He said that he's the president and he's complaining about something that they could put money into it to fix it. He said you can't say that Joe Biden is doing a bad job. He said he's the man handling it right now. He said he had 4 years to work on it. He said you don't get to criticize the mail in ballot. He said that there is no proof that it can't work. He said it has worked in the past. He said Trump votes by mail in ballot. He asked what the problem is.
Howard said it's all we've got right now. He said that's what we have to abide by. He said Joe Biden has to abide by it. He said that he personally thinks that Donald is going to be embarrassed by losing and this is his out. He said that it gives him his pride. He will think he won even if he loses.
Howard said Trump had 4 years to do something about the election. He said he could have tried to fix it but we have to have an election and this is what we've got. He said this is what people fought for in all the wars we've been through. He said people died for this right to vote.
Howard said if he were Biden he would have just asked for his tax returns. He said he would have just kept asking for them ask what he's hiding. He said we're not learning anything about the candidates. He said that he knows what Joe has done and he knows who he's going to appoint. He said he knows how he wants to clean up the environment and all of that. He said he knows what Donald is going to do. He said he knows about the wall and removing abortion and the economy and all of that. He said he knows what they're both going to do. He said none of it is earth shattering. He said he made up his mind.
Howard said he wasn't able to sleep thanks to Beth making him watch the debate. He said he turns the TV off and now he's pacing because he's so wired. He said Beth asked what was wrong and he told her he's very concerned about this country. He said he would have walked off that stage in 5 minutes if he was part of that circus.
Howard said everything about that debate made him feel filthy and dirty. He said the country is a mess and we look like clowns internationally. He said that when you're sitting home thinking about moving to Germany there's something wrong. He said Vladimir Putin's dream is coming true with all of this. He said he blames all of those in charge. He said that he loves that we're dismantling the CIA and the Justice Department. He said Putin loves all of this. He said he's cumming in his pants over this.
Robin said we're in a semiconductor war with China and if they win, that's it. She said we're talking about who's your son and where is he.
Howard said he was pacing up and down after that debate. He said he was going to beat off to get to sleep. He said he figured he'd get caught if he did that. He said that it was very quiet in the house. He said he went and read some of Peter Frampton's book (Do You Feel Like I Do?: A Memoir). He said he had his Kindle on and that woke Beth up. He said he can't sleep now. He said he told her what he would have said and she told him to stop debating. He said that she went right back to sleep after that.
Howard said that he had no one to talk to after that. He said he was reading the book and reading about all of Frampton's issues. He said he was going through all of his issues and how he records himself live one night and Peter Frampton Comes Alive is the biggest album ever. He said he goes into the Sgt. Pepper movie and blows up his whole career after that. He said that he rushed out another album and that was the worst album and it fucked everything up. He said this was making him want to hang himself. He said he lost all of the money he made from all of that. He said he had guys taking all of his money. He said that he used to be jealous of this guy. He said now he didn't want to read about it. He said finally Frampton is getting better and then they diagnose him with this IBM. He said he can't play guitar anymore and he's planning a goodbye tour. He said this was worse than the debate. He said he was thinking he was going to get this IBM thing. He said he was feeling like his fingers weren't going to work.
Howard said all of that was going on and he had a toothpick fall into bed so he had to find that with a flashlight. He said if he had just watched Lucifer and didn't watch the debate he would have gone to sleep. He said that debate ruined him.
Howard said he read that Frampton book and he was only reading every other page. Ronnie said the greatest thing was his shrink hypnotized him once and told him to think about something that really relaxed him and that he'd want to think about all the time. He said that he put that thought into his head and it works. Howard said that thought is ''Pussy.'' Ronnie said it wasn't sex. He said he and Stephanie were at a hotel in Laguna Beach. He said they opened up the curtains and they were standing there naked watching guys on surf boards and it was so relaxing. He said when he can't fall asleep he thinks about that and the next thing he knows it's morning. He said it puts him out.
Howard thanked Ronnie for sharing that but it's gross. He said that he does a form of that. He said he tries to lay there and just fall asleep. He said he meditates too. He said last night he was so steamed up that he wasn't able to sleep. He said he's so worried about this country. He said he has kids and he's worried about their future. He said the number one issue is the environment.
Howard said he thinks King of All Blacks wants to congratulate him on making a decision finally. Ronnie said he doesn't care what he has to say. Howard got King on the line. King said he doesn't want to get personal. He said he wants to talk about last night. He said he's being very honest and he enjoyed watching Donald Trump. He said he is entertaining and he'll give him that. He said last night he was so nervous and so beaten down that he's never seen him like that. He asked what's wrong with this guy. Howard cut him off and said he wants him to know that Ronnie has made a decision. King said he had made a decision 3 weeks ago. Howard said he agrees with him but Ronnie said that he has made a decision and now he knows who he's voting for. King said he feels sorry for Trump. He said that's all he feels. He said it's a con. Ronnie said he feels sorry for this guy. He said he doesn't know who he is. He said he wants to be someone he's not and he wants to be other people. King laughed. Ronnie said he's a psychopath.
King said he wakes up smarter than the day before. He said that's true. He said he woke up this morning thinking he was smarter than he was yesterday. He said Ronnie knew before this who he was going to vote for.
Howard asked Ronnie who he thinks King thinks he really is. Ronnie said he has no idea. King said he thinks that he has a name for people like him. Ronnie said King is so fucked up in the head. He said he hopes he goes to therapy but it's obviously not working if he is. King said people have been saying that all his life. He said no one wants to hear what's coming out of his mouth. He said Ronnie is just like them.
Howard said the whole thing is that Ronnie made a decision. Ronnie said he knows who he is. King said he doesn't know who he is. He said he can prove it. Howard asked King who he thinks Ronnie really is. King said he thinks Ronnie is a nice guy. He said he thinks he's afraid to get old so he lives in this world where he's angry that he's getting old but functioning like he's not. He said in his mind he's thinking about how old he is with a young wife. He said it's a very heavy thing to him. He said he won't be there to enjoy his wife. He said that's the root of his anger.
King said watching last night they asked Trump about this Proud Boys thing. Robin asked what this has to do with Ronnie. She said he had better get to the point. Howard said he just asked who the real Ronnie is. Ronnie said that he has talked about Stephanie being younger thing. He said he's not saying anything he hasn't heard on the air.
Ronnie said that King thinks he's a psychic. King said he didn't have to be that to know that when he saw him he bought his suits at Macy's. Howard asked what that tells you. Ronnie asked what's wrong with that. King said it means he has no class. Howard asked if he would buy them there if his father didn't leave him all of that money. King said that's hypothetical. He bragged about 3 suits he has.
Howard said he has to end this so he can get out of this. He asked King what he's trying to say about Ronnie. King said he doesn't care who Ronnie is. He wanted to say something about last night. Howard said he wanted to hear about Ronnie. Ronnie said he's still dumb as shit. King said that he cold never have this brain. He said he couldn't handle it.
Ronnie said he found a place he wanted to be and he has lived with the money he made. He said he didn't have to live off his father's money. King said he's making him sound like a bum. Ronnie said he is a bum. He said he isn't proud of his job. He said King is proud that he got all of his father's money and he can buy that Rolex watch and his Moen faucets and all of that. He said he doesn't have to brag about what he has. He said King doesn't know who the fuck he is because he's fucked up in the head.
Howard said their phones went dead. He said King is gone. Howard said he thinks the whole system is down now.
Howard said he's going to take over for King. He argued with Ronnie about knowing exactly who he is. He said he knows it's not a good impression. He kept going with it though. Howard was talking about the Macy's suit thing and kept asking him not to hang up.
Robin said his line about waking up smarter every morning was funny. Howard was still doing the impression talking about how he knows that Ronnie uses Irish Spring soap. He kept saying ''Don't hang up'' to himself. He asked if he wears Hanes underwear. Ronnie said sometimes. He said he knew it. He kept going with things like that.
Howard said the phones are back up. He got King back on the line. King said he don't do anything so why odes he do this to him. He said that he already knows what Ronnie has. They talked about what kind of TV he has. King said he's the kind of guy with the thing on his roof. He said he probably gets a 75 inch TV that cost $400. He said he knows people like him. Ronnie said he knows people like King too. King said he'd rather have a 32 inch TV that cost $3000. He said that's an OLED screen. He asked if they know what OLED is. Ronnie laughed.
King said that this N-word took him to a jewelry store... Ronnie cut him off and said here he goes with the N-word. Howard said he wants to hear this story. King said he knew this guy already and he knew what he was going to show him. He said it was a big, cloudy diamond. He said it had so many imperfections in it that you couldn't see through it. He said it was the worst thing in the world. He said that he told him to get something nicer but he wanted something big. He said that's the way Ronnie is.
Howard said there's the real debate. He said he thinks that he's heard enough. King asked if he can say one more thing. He said everything he says is important. King started to ask how anyone can vote... Howard said that's enough. He hung up on him.
Howard asked what is going on. He saw Beth come in so he told her that he's mad at her for making him watch that debate. He said that he knew what was going to happen. He said he's smarter today than he was yesterday.
Howard said she made him watch the debate and then she told him to be quiet when he talked about what he would have said if he was Biden. He said then she's asleep. Beth said that she wasn't asleep. She said that he was up and he was using the flashlight in the bed. Howard said he dropped a toothpick and thought it was a bug.
Beth said she's mad at him. She said that Helen was walking around with a plastic toothpick in her mouth. She said that he has to stop that. Robin said he has to get a container for them. Beth said she's mad at him now. She said he sleeps too much too. She said he naps for hours. Howard said he just had to handle a debate and this is what he gets. He said Bang O'clock is off today. Beth laughed and said ''Poor me.''
Howard said Ronnie came to a conclusion about who he's going to vote for. Beth said he has to vote Biden. Howard said they don't know who he's voting for. Beth said that Trump doesn't care about the animals and that makes her cry.
Howard said Beth looks good today. Ronnie said she looks hot. Beth said she's doing her bleaching thing with the litter boxes today. Howard said she's in really good shape from doing all of this. Beth said she had a cute picture of a kitten up on Instagram and someone said the house must smell. She said if you clean the litter box it won't smell. She said their house does not smell. She said they have 19 kittens, 6 fosters and a few other cats. Howard said the house doesn't smell. Robin said it's the litter box that smells, not the animals.
Howard said Beth looks good. Ronnie said that Stephanie wears stuff like that. He said she comes home in her scrubs and she gets into something like what Beth has on and it's awesome. Howard said Fred just told him that he's rock hard.
Howard said there's a song about how he had her a million times but he wants her a million more. Robin said that's the Maroon 5 song.
Howard said the back office thinks this is the best Beth has looked since quarantine started. Beth said if Ronnie wants to talk about the animal issues later she's around.
Howard said it's so hot in there. He said he should take a break. He said he didn't get any sleep.
Howard said here's the Ronnie Puppet. Ronnie Puppet was talking about liking animals like Pussy. He said that he watched the debate and he went to sleep faster than Sleepy Joe. He was talking about being at Laguna Beach and thinking about all of the things he and Stephanie did there. He was goofing on the way Ronnie said bra ''Brar'' and things like that.
Robin asked if Ronnie Puppet made up his mind about the debate. The Puppet said that they didn't ask the right questions. He was talking about sex questions that they should have asked.
Howard said that they can move on with their lives with no more debates. Ronnie asked if they're going to watch anymore debates. Howard said no. He said the whole thing was a fiasco. He said the whole thing started from the start when it was like a boxing match being introduced. Howard said he didn't learn anything from that debate. He said it was entertaining but it was horrible for the country. He said we look like shitheads with that kind of thing.
Howard said people are already voting. He said it's too late for debates. He said the whole country knows the truth already. He said he's going to get rid of this song now. He played the song about Ronnie being undecided. He said that he won't play that anymore. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he always thought this was a great song. He said he doesn't know anything about White Town though. He said he thinks he likes it because this is how he thinks he should be able to sing. He said it sounds like he's doing it through a megaphone. He said he should be able to do that. He tried it with his megaphone.
Howard said every time he hears Bob Dylan sing he thinks he should be able to have a recording career. Robin said he tries too hard. She said that it doesn't take much. She sang ''Hey man nice shot'' and said that's a great lyric.
Howard said he's asked Fred to write him a song but they're always too complicated. He said he was working on this ''War. What is it good for. Absolutely nothing.'' Robin said she thinks she's heard that one before.
Howard said they should have some fun now. He said they need to forget about the debate. He said that they need the sound of happiness. Fred played the horn which was called the sound of happiness by a guy at the Puerto Rican Day Parade.
Howard said that Sal and Richard are still at it making phony phone calls. He said they do a Jack and Rod show bit where they book a guest and they got a guy who is a self proclaimed alien expert. He said they told him he was going to be on the radio and they were doing a special Slow Adult radio show. He said Gary the Conqueror was on with them. He said he didn't get along with the alien expert.
Howard played the Jack and Rod Show bit where Sal and Richard had Gary on with them an they got Danny the Alien Expert on with all three of them. Gary said he's Gary the Conqueror and Danny said he's actually Gary the Messenger. Gary told him he was full of shit. Danny was trying to talk but Gary told him to shut the hell up.
Howard said things were getting really bad so Jack and Rod told Danny to slow things down and act like a slow adult himself. Howard played more of the show and Sal and Richard told Danny to go down to Gary's level and speak like a slow adult.
Howard played more of the audio where Danny went to Gary's level and tried to speak like him. He was doing a bad impression of Gary and Gary asked if he was making fun of him. He said he's not smarter than him. He told him to get the fuck out of here.
Robin said this is not going well. Howard said it fell apart. He said things got really bad after that. He said they planted a caller to tell Danny he was being offensive. Howard played more of that call where the woman called in and went off on Danny for pretending to be a slow adult. Danny said they put him up to this. Jack and Rod said they did not. Gary was calling bullshit on Danny. Danny eventually hung up.
Howard said that was like slow entrapment. He said there you go. He said Gary's performance was so good they just gave him his own channel there at SiriusXM. Robin said he's not afraid to call bullshit.
Howard said the guys found out that Gary is now riding a scooter to get around. He said his feet have gotten so bad that they face opposite directions and he has to go to the doctor every 3 months. He said he's not doing that great. He said he's also vaping now.
Robin asked if he's smoking too. Howard said Shuli can answer that. Shuli said he's not smoking but he is vaping. He said he thinks his new handler got him into that. He said his feet are a real mess. He said they go in all directions. Howard asked how that happens. Shuli said he has no idea. He said that his toe nails never get cut either so grey have to go to the doctor to file them down. He said they're so thick that they have to use a grinder on them. Howard asked why he doesn't go to the podiatrist more often. Shuli said he's got a whole list of things that are going bad. He said he has to get his eyes scraped. He said he has cornea issues. He said his hearing is going and he's almost down to nothing. Howard asked if he can walk like Charlie Chaplain. Shuli said he can but it's hard for him. He said when the sock comes off it looks like people running in all different directions.
Shuli said Gary still talks about wanting to see boobs. Howard said they have to get him some strippers or something. He said he used to get his fill there on the show. Robin asked if the strip clubs are open. Howard said he doesn't think so.
Shuli said that the scooter he has goes like 40 miles per hour. He said his handler has to teach him how to use it. He said he has a kill switch on it so he can stop him if he gets out of control.
Howard said the guys say they can show a picture of his feet if he wants to see it. Howard said he may not want to see that. Robin said she has to see it. Howard told the guys to put it up. Robin let out a loud ''Oh!'' She said they look like vampire toenails. Howard asked if that was Gary the Conqueror's feet or Gary Dell'Abate's. Robin said they're all fungus.
Howard said sports announcers got rusty during the quarantine. He played a clip of an announcer saying ''intercourse'' instead of interaction. Howard did his impression of that guy with the deep announcer voice.
Howard said another announcer had an interesting explanation for a hockey game. He said the guy was squeezing his ''dick'' so hard that he wasn't able to keep control. He meant stick. Howard said these guys are rusty. He said they lose it if they're not constantly announcing.
Howard said an announcer said ''black cocks'' instead of Blackhawks. He played that clip.
Howard said some announcers have gotten so rusty. He said this guy was calling his ex-wife a ''dingbat'' on the air. He played a clip of that guy. Howard said you can't do that these days. The guy talked about this wife parking in the wrong spot. Howard said this guy couldn't possibly be the dingbat. He said he's the smart one and she's the dingbat.
Howard said this guy thinks the microphones are off. He played a clip and the guy used the line ''fag capital of the world'' and it went out over the air. Howard said this guy had to apologize during the game. He played the apology clip too. In that clip he said someone else would be taking over for the rest of the game. He was apologizing and calling the game at the same time. He said he's not sure if he'll be putting on his headset again. He said he begs for your forgiveness. The guy who took over for him said he's a good man and he wishes him luck.
Howard said he liked that there was a home run right in the middle of the apology. He said the guy was removed from the FOX Sports Schedule. He said he had worked there since 1994. Howard said maybe he shouldn't have said ''fag capital of the world.'' Robin said he claims that's not really him but it came out of his mouth.
Howard did his impression of that guy apologizing during the game and calling the home run. He was going on and on making inappropriate comments during the apology.
Howard said that was some apology. He said he was replaced on the air in the middle of the game. Howard went into his impression again and called the game while apologizing for all of his inappropriate comments. He had the guy shoving a baseball bat up his ass as an apology and to show that he wasn't homophobic.
Robin asked how you go home and tell your wife why you're home early. Howard said those old time sports guys... Robin said that she would have said that she had a cough and maybe had COVID and that might have saved him.
Robin said there was a teacher who lost his job as a teacher because he had the whites of his eyes blackened by tattoos. Howard said you have to realize you can't do that as a teacher.
Howard said he got tattoos on his fingers and his agent asked what the fuck he was doing. He said he can do that because he's in radio. He said that there are guys out there who get a ton of tattoos and they can't figure out why they can't get a job. He said you have to earn that. He said that's him talking right now. He said use your head.
Gary said he needs to see what this teacher looks like. He said he won't believe it. Howard took a look and said that guy can't be shocked. Robin said he claims he's been mistreated. Howard said he members Mrs. McKendrick and she was such a sweet old lady. He said she was nice and calm when he'd show up in her class. He said you have to use some common sense.
Howard asked Gary what the reaction is to the debate last night from the staff. Gary said at the beginning everyone was thinking Biden didn't look good but as it went on it was just insanity. He said it ended at like 10:35 and his son called asking it's always like this. He said it's not. He said he was trying to go to bed and he wasn't able to sleep. He said he got his pen out and got high to go to sleep. He said he was so upset about the whole thing. He said he was worked up about how much of an embarrassment it was to this country.
Gary said the only thing Chris Wallace could have said was ''Mr. President, shut the fuck up.'' Howard said they can't do more debates. He said someone has to call it off.
Robin said no one has the balls to say they have to stop it. She said they could have just turned it off and put Love Island back on or something.
Howard asked what happened to Chris Wilding last night. Chris said he felt like he was having an anxiety attack. He said he got drunk last night. Howard said he saw he was tweeting last night. Chris said he wants to live here in this country and if the election goes a certain way he doesn't think he'll able to. He might have to go back to Canada. He said even his rights as a gay person might go away. He said that he sees the way things are going and what might happen if this guy stays in office. He said the consequences are really high.
Howard said he got really bummed out. He said that he didn't want to watch but Beth made him do it. He said that he woke up in a shitty mood. Chris said that it affects everyone and you have to watch. He said that it's a train wreck.
Howard said he thinks everyone knows where it's at. He said that everyone knows where they're going. He said the debate reminded him of the housewives. He said it was embarrassing.
Howard said he really doesn't know what's going to happen. He said they accuse him of doing this to get more money but he's really not sure what will happen. He said he loves working there. He said that he will tell you that they have 30 some shows left. He said if they aren't staying there he believes that this company will be classy and let him say goodbye. He said they will have a proper goodbye if that's the case. He said they'll do 3 shows and do a big farewell. Robin said she wanted longer than that. Howard said he knows that. He said that it's going to be 3 days of glorious goodbye. He said if they go anywhere else they'll inform you of where they're going. He said they'll see what happens.
Howard said he loves Jim Meyer and he's leaving. He said he'll still be around though. Robin said she has to write to him.
The caller said that this is the first time he's felt that he could walk off into the sunset. Howard said he's not sure he's ready for that. He said it would feel weird to do that. He said when he stops on the radio it's going to be even stranger than when Johnny Carson retired. He said it's going to be like he died. He said he'll vanish.
Howard said he's not sure he could do it without an outlet. He said he might take some time off if he does get another gig. He said he'd like to take a few months. He said he's very envious of people who are able to take classes in painting and things. He said that's one thing that's holding him back. He said he likes getting better at it and he'd like to be able to do something like that. Robin asked where he puts the paintings when he's done. Howard said Beth wants to hang his latest painting in the hallway. He said they're going to do that. He said he did a bunch of others that they can do something with. He said maybe he'll send more to Robin. Robin said she'd like that.
Howard said if he can't work things out he'll take a few months off. He said he could end up staying there for a few more years. He said he's not sure what will happen. He said it always happens this way. He said he told his agent to see what he can work out. Robin said this last year has been very strange. Howard said he hopes it's there. He said there are some great guys working there in management. Robin said they weren't even able to get together to have a party. Howard said that's a blessing. Robin said if they're neve going to do this again it's tough. Howard said that he's happy he may never have to throw another Christmas party. He said it's a lovely thing but it's a big pain in the ass for him. He said then he has Benjy saying that he'd rather just have the money. He said there won't be a party this year. He said even if they came up with a vaccine right now he'd still pass on the party.
Howard said the worst part of the party is trying to remember who everyone is. He said he doesn't know who everyone is because they have so many people there. He said he's introduced to Ben Barto and he has no idea who that is. He said he pretends he knows. He said one year he made everyone wear a name tag. He said then the people who work there switch name tags. He said he was calling Ben Barto Gary Dell'Abate the whole night.
Howard said it was easier to find bin Laden than find out that Mark was gone. Robin said he was ever present on the show. Howard said Mark used to be on the show a lot because he had married Martha Raye and he was her 7th husband. He said he was a tabloid star because of that. He said Mark loved every second of that. He said Mark was a hair dresser and then he's married to Martha and he got to know her famous friends and all of that. He said he was real honest about the whole thing.
Howard played a clip from 1992 when Mark was on the show the first time. Howard and Mark talked about marrying Martha and Mark admitted it was about the money or the publicity.
Howard said a lot of people didn't like Mark on the show but others were fascinated by him. Howard said he was one who was fascinated. Howard said Andrew Dice Clay hated Mark and called him a leach. He had a clip of Dice on the show and Mark was defending himself in studio with Dice there.
Robin said that was some debate. Howard said he just wants to say that there were good people on both sides of that debate.
Howard said Mark had a singing career. He said the first song he did was ''Just a Gigolo.'' He played some of that performance. Howard said he tried to explain to Mark that his music was very old school and antiquated. He said Mark thought the style would come back. Gary said Mark was so old fashioned that he'd drop names that were out dated at that time.
Howard said that Martha Raye died in 1994 and Mark inherited $2.4 million from her estate. He said he had a very lavish lifestyle after that. He said he got cosmetic surgery after that. He said he announced it all on the show. Howard played a clip of Mark talking about getting a tummy tuck and having the fat put in his ass. He was getting a testicle reduction too.
Howard said Mark was an amazing guest. He said he was very open about what he would say was his bisexuality. He said that's why he said he married Martha. He said he used to say he loved younger men and older women. He said one boyfriend was named Boris and they called in once and they were taking a bath in buttermilk and vodka. Howard played a clip from that day.
Howard said he thinks a reality show of his life should have happened. He said it never did. Robin said he missed his time. She said reality hadn't popped yet.
Howard said Mark also had a boyfriend named Davide. He said that he was a violinist. He said they performed a song called ''Until Eternity'' in the studio. He played a clip of that performance.
Howard asked if you know how many years that was his ringtone. He said that was also JD's wedding song. Robin said just think that voice was silenced by COPD. Howard said Mark wasn't a smoker either. He said he didn't smoke cigarettes. Gary said Mark's parents smoked and there may have been a lot of smoking in Martha's house.
Howard said the most famous song of Mark's was ''I'm a Gay Papa'' that he did on the show. Howard said Mark had 4 daughters and he had one after Martha Raye. He said he was such a character. He said he came in about the Gay Papa thing and it was the most revealing thing he had ever done. He played some of that song. Howard said this was his Free Bird. Howard said the song was really about Mark and not so much about his kids. He said he just sings about himself in the song.
Howard said that was a fabulous song that they played a lot on the show. He said he used to pitch ideas for the show. He said there were many that he had. He went through a few about Broadway shows and things like that. Gary said he cranked out a lot of songs too. He said his personal music director was Leo De Lion.
Howard said Mark came in once and said he had a meeting with Sirius about getting his own show. Howard played a clip from that day which was years before Howard signed with them. Mark asked if he thinks that there's a future in satellite radio. Howard said there could be but Mark might set them back 50 years.
Howard said Mark wanted to replace him at K-Rock and he did a test show with one of his daughters and sent it into the station. Gary said he remembers him leaning on him to get him an interview there. Robin said he always had a lot of meetings but they were never real.
Howard said Mark tried hard but his projects never came though. He said the last time they saw him was in 2008 and he wasn't the same guy. He said grey talked about death and Mark was still name dropping like crazy. He played a clip from that day. Mark was asking if he would come to his funeral. Howard said he would not go. He talked to Mark about his 2 heart attacks and how he was in a coma for 2 weeks. Mark said he saw Marlene Dietrich when he was in a coma.
Howard said he hopes that somewhere Mark is hanging out with Marlene Dietrich. Howard played a medley of songs that Mark performed on the show over the years.
Howard said Mark was a real character. Robin said they don't make them like that anymore. Howard asked how they can go on in radio when grey don't make them like that. He said he knows that Mark would get a kick out of the fact that they talked about him one more time. Howard thanked Mark for the hours and hours of entertainment he gave them over the years.
Robin said she went to see Mark in a show he did in a restaurant once. She said Mark thought that she loved him after that. She said that Mark tried to get to her personally about things he was doing. She said she didn't want to get into that stream.
Howard asked Gary about his memories of Mark. Gary said that Mark was very generous and he would send him a lot of stuff. He said that he was also very right wing and he thinks he loved Trump but Trump wouldn't have loved him. He said he used to send in a lot of songs about Obama too.
Robin said she met one of Mark's daughters in a store in Los Angeles. She said she spoke to her for a couple of minutes but she wasn't very forthcoming.
Howard said they finally got confirmation that Mark Harris passed away. He said he thought he'd give that news.
Howard said Cocktober kicks off next Monday when Sal does the shaving of the shaft. He said he's kicking off the whole thing. Robin asked who is shaving it. She asked if he's doing it himself. Howard played a commercial for Cocktober.
Howard said Sal does not use shaving cream. He said Robin should know that. Robin said he should be plucking or using shaving cream. Howard said this is the lighting of the torch as you might call it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she is a couple of hours behind with the show since she's on the west coast. Fred played ''Hey now!'' for her and she kept repeating it for a minute. Howard said Hey Now is great. He said it can mean different things. He did a happy one and a sad one and a surprised one for her.
The caller, Bonnie, said she wanted to touch on the whole mail in ballot thing. She said they do mail in there in Arizona and there is a very low percentage of fraud there. He said you can even check to see when it's received. Howard said that's right and it's even more valid than other ways of voting in a way. Howard thanked her for the call.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if the election is playing into his contract talks. She asked if he thinks the government will come after him if Trump gets elected again. Howard said that's a sad statement. He said that if the citizens have to worry about that then we're in Russia. He said we're not America. He said he feels like he was put in an awkward position because he had a relationship with Donald and his family. He said he knew them and had fun with them. He said they had fun on the show. He said that the presidency is really important and you can't just say only positive things if that person is a friend.
Howard said the scary part is that people think that he might have a personal vendetta. He said what a sad statement that is. He said he's just a DJ on the radio. He said that if he's that petty then it's a problem. The caller said he is that petty. Howard said she knows who to vote for then.
Howard said if you think the country is going in that direction then you know what to do. The caller said he's going to imprison his adversaries and Howard has been very critical of him. Howard said he's always been honest about people who have been President. He said the guy shouldn't even be concerned with who he is. He said he has more important things to worry about. Howard said that doesn't influence if he's going to continue on with his radio career or not. He said he doesn't care at this point about who is coming after him or not.
Howard said he had people coming after him for a long time. He said he had the religious right after him for a long time. He said he was in danger at times. He said he was a big fan of Bill Clinton and the government came after him hard even then. He said that even the Liberals come after you. He said it wasn't just right wingers. He said he still loved Bill Clinton and what he did for the country. He said that it was the FCC under Clinton that came after him. He said he has had to deal with all of this. He said they all came together to come after him.
Howard said Bernie Sanders stood up for him when he was being hounded by the FCC. Howard said Al D'Amato told them to back off too. He said that Al said he didn't want them interfering with the radio the way they were doing it. Robin said grey were lonely voices. Howard said he always gives kudos to Bernie and Al. He said he didn't support Bernie for President but he is grateful to him. He said it's the same with Donald. He said he's grateful for all of the great radio he gave them but he's not aligned with him politically at all at this point.
Howard said another man who stood up for him was Mel Karmazin. He said that he stood his ground during the fight with the FCC. He said he can never say a bad word about Mel. He said he was his guy and he saved this show. He said he stood up to the government. He said no one else had the balls to do that.
Howard said he can't sit in fear. He said it is sad that someone would think that the government would come after him. He said that the government isn't running very well right know and it is a scary time.
Howard said think about your best friend that you hang out with. He said you don't want that guy running for president even if he's a fun guy to be around. He said he can separate the two. Robin said she had a great time with Donald at Howard's wedding. She said he leaned over to her and said ''Loser'' when Chevy Chase got up and made his speech. Robin said they cracked up over that.
Howard said it's such a weird world we live in. He said he loves Ronnie. He said he's the life of the party but does he want him running the country? No he doesn't. He said sometimes he doesn't even want him running his car. Howard said that they'll have to see what happens.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling in from Canada where they just made Ayahuasca legal for religious ceremonies. Howard said he has to thank Gardein for sponsoring the show. He said his daughter told him she had chicken to eat and he asked when she's going to stop eating chicken. He said he nagged her to go get some Gardein. Robin said he has to make it for her. Howard said that's what she said to him. He said she had chicken in lasagna.
Howard asked the caller what he wanted to say. The caller, Tony, said that he saw his movie recently and he wondered if he would make a second movie. Fred was doing the ''Hey Now!'' thing and Tony was repeating after the clip each time he played it.
Howard said he's not going to make his own movie. He said that he has been offered a bunch of roles. He said that Private Parts was a tough thing to make. He said it's a lot of work. He said a big star asked him to be in a movie and he said no because he's busy with his radio show. He said he was tempted though. He said it was a wonderful part. He said it involved doing an accent and all of that. He said if he was retired he might do a film but not his own. He said that's unless someone had a great idea. He said he thinks about making Private Parts. He said that he has no regrets about that. He said he has regrets about the radio show every day though. He said that he had such a great experience making that movie. He said the stars were perfect, the director was perfect, the producer was perfect. He said he got everything he needed doing that film. Howard said they hit all the right notes making that film.
Howard said he has to say that when he looks back he has to thank his agent, Don Buchwald, because he read every script with him and put it off until it was just right. He said sometimes he jumps impulsively and Don didn't. He said everyone was treated well there on that movie. He said they brought the movie to test audiences in Seattle of all places. He said it was amazing to see people laughing at his movie in the theaters out there. He said that he realized that they did it. He said it was mind blowing that what he had worked so hard on was getting great laughs.
Howard said he never imagined that he'd get laughs in a theater. He said that he was doing radio and no one saw him. He said that he had never been treated so well. He said on the set of the movie they built him a room to sleep in. He said it was all magical. Robins said there was a woman there with a baby bag and she had everything that he might need in that bag. Howard said he's in therapy because he feels ignored and unloved. He said when he was on that set he felt loved and pampered by the staff there. He said he had a person there who would shave him if he needed it. He said he had to be ready to go on set and work and they had his every need taken care of.
Howard said if anything upset him on the set they were able to take care of his problem. Howard said he did scenes with Allison Janney. He said he did scenes with Paul Giamatti and Mary McCormack was amazing. Tony said Edie Falco was in it. Howard said she was. He said that Kim Jong Un was less pampered than he was on that set.
Robin said there's a man who used to guard his door to make sure he could sleep. Howard said that was Eli Roth who became a big director. He said he wrote the movie that made him famous while sitting outside his door. Howard said he had to get up at 4 in the morning so he was sleeping at Silver Cup Studios. He said he had this really nice room there and Eli would sit outside his room and he'd be scribbling on loose leaf paper. He said he wondered what the fuck he was doing. He said that kid was writing a movie script. He said that he was writing Cabin Fever which was a huge hit movie. He said everything about that movie worked. He said even the guy writing Cabin Fever. Howard said he wasn't playing Madden Football outside his door like some people he knows. He said he won't mention any names.
Howard said he heard about her book and she claims that Kim Jong Un winked at her and he told her that she should ''take one for the team.'' Sarah said that he did that. Howard asked if she did that. Sarah asked if he's feeding his cats food with nuclear fallout in it. Howard said he doesn't think so. Sarah said maybe he has her vagina to thank for that.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Sarah before letting her go. She was insulting Howard and he said he's glad he promoted her book. He said she's a very angry woman.
Ralph said they were talking to Richard yesterday about sitting in shit and going to a bar. He said that he did the same thing but he went to a shop and bought new clothes and got changed and then threw out his clothes. He said there's no way that Richard is smarter than he is. He said he has to do another IQ test. Howard asked what his IQ was. Ralph said he was a 112 and Richard was a 115. He said that there was a 3 point plus or minus. He said statistically they were even. He said Richard broke his hand and he doesn't care because it's just his pinkie that he doesn't use much. He said it's crazy.
Howard said Ralph will never forget that. He said that he gets so upset about the whole thing. He said that he's always bringing up the dopey things Richard does. Robin said this could go terribly wrong if they do that. Ralph said he'll take it either way.
Howard said he thinks that he'd kill himself if he took it and the score was even bigger.
Howard asked Richard if he'll take another test. Richard said he refuses to take another one. He said the score stands the way it is. He said Jason got really bummed that he was just a couple of points above him. He said there was like a 5 point margin of error so he might have been right there too.
Ralph said he knows he can do better than he did. Howard said he thinks Ralph smokes and drinks too much so that might be why he scored lower than he thinks he should have.
Howard said he has a theory about Richard. He said Richard could have been the man to cure cancer but he drank so much that he's killed off so many brain cells that he lost the cure for cancer. Richard said he got an F in P.E. class in school. He said he's never been that smart.
Ralph said he hasn't smoked weed in like a year. He said he's not drinking right now either. He said he's ready to go. He said if Richard is so smart why doesn't he go to the doctor for his infected hand. Richard said it's doing better today. He showed them what it looks like. Richard said he can move it a little so he doesn't think it's broken.
Howard said there won't be a rematch there with the IQ test. He said that they're like Moe and Shemp. Richard said he'll have a sword fight with Ralph if he wants. Howard let him go.
Howard had Shuli on to do the Tan Mom puppet thing. He was saying the show will be on at 14 o'clock. She said that Ryan Phillippe and Stan Hamos never got back to her about it.
Howard asked if Tan Mom watched the debates. Tan Mom said she did see part of it. She said she thinks that Trump is a liar and ''Beeden'' has a shot at it. She said that he thinks that Trump is trying to confuse people with the ballots. Howard asked how she said the other guy's name. Tan Mom said she can't pronounce it. Tan Mom said she thinks she has to go with ''Bedeen.'' She said we're in a roller coaster and noting is coming to an end.
Howard asked Tan Mom puppet what she thinks. She said that she's voting Bidet 2020 all day long. Howard tried to talk to her but real Tan Mom kept interrupting. She seemed to think Howard was talking to her.
Tan Mom told Howard that Ryan said he was just going to watch the show and not be on it. Howard said they called Kim Jong Un to be on the show and he didn't say yes yet but he thinks he'll be on.
Robin said that Tan Mom sounds very excited about the show she's going to do. Tan Mom said it's going to bring some laugher to the people. She said it will be free and it'll be up on YouTube. Howard asked again who she's voting for. Tan Mom said she's going to vote for no one now. Howard said alright.
Howard said on the phone is someone who Tan Mom will love. Howard said it's Michael Jackson the King of Pop. Howard took the call and fake Michael started talking and Tan Mom said ''Oh here we go.'' She said there's no way she'd want him on her show.
Howard said he wishes her luck on the new show. He asked when it is again. Tan Mom said it's on Friday nigh at 8 on YouTube.
Howard asked if Tan Mom puppet is going to sing a little bit on the special. Tan Mom puppet said the people get what they want and what they want is a little bit of Patricia.
Howard let Tan Mom and Tan Mom Puppet go. He said this was a packed show today. Robin said they lost Helen Reddy. She said that they said she was announced as having dementia in 2015 and she has been in some motion picture home since then. Robin said they also lost Mac Davis. Robin said they were both 78. Robin said he wrote ''In the Ghetto'' for Elvis.
Howard said that Moe and Larry were in that home that Helen Reddy was in until they died in 1978. Howard said it sounds like a place he'd like to go.
Robin said that they have to pay tribute to the fire fighters out in California too. She said that the fires are still spreading and they hit a number of wineries and homes out in the Napa area. Robin said these guys are working 24 hour shifts. She said thank you to all of those people fighting fires out there. Howard said Robin just knows how to steal the moment on the show. He said he can't take this. Howard thanked the fire fighters out there in Napa too. He told the guys to cut out Robin's speech and just put his in there.
Howard said he has to tell Tan Mom he ran out of time. He said he's been up since 7. He said he has to go. Tan Mom said she wanted Howard to thank him for bringing up COVID and how people are suffering every day there in Florida. Howard thanked her for that. He said Robin never talks about the people who are suffering like he does. He said he's a hero. Tan Mom said he is a hero. She said he talks about the presidency and all of that. She said he is just a wonderful man. Howard thanked her for that and wished her a great weekend. Tan Mom puppet said tune into her show yesterday. She told Howard that he's the best and his hair looks amazing. Shuli had Robin and Howard cracking up with that impression.
Howard let Tan Mom puppet go after she showed him some tittie. She said that's the good one. Robin said they're not the same. She said she's standing on the other one. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:35am.