For the week of 09/21/2020 to 09/25/2020

• Emmy Award Discussions. 09/21/20. 7:00am
  Howard started the show talking about how he didn't stay up for the entire Emmys but he did see some. Robin said she stayed up as long as she could. She said she made it through the In Memorium. She said she had to bail because she was tired of being preached to. Howard said she stayed up later than he did.

  Howard said he texted Jimmy some gay videos before he went on. He said Jimmy was startled. He said they were pictures of dudes making out and some women who bounce around and shake their asshole in your face. He said Jimmy performs better with a boner. Robin said he did a great job. Howard agreed. Robin said even the commercials were preaching. She said you can't get away from it.

  Howard said we live in dire times and he has heard in past elections that this is the most important vote you can have but he really feels that way now. He said he was a big Bill Clinton fan and he thought we had an orderly world at the time. He said people wanted to come to the United States because we were the crown jewel of the world. He said this is a vital time to be preached to. Robin asked if the people who need that information are into watching the Emmys. Howard said you have to get the information out there any way you can.

  Robin said when she was young her brother was flunking his classes. She said her mother took away TV to punish him. She said she took away the TV from him and from her. Howard said good. Robin said it didn't make sense. She said that she's tired of listening to it. Howard said every year on the Bachelor they talk about how shocking this season is going to be. He said it's never shocking. He said one year just come out and say it's shocking. He said you can't say that every season. He said he thinks this has been the most shocking 4 years. He said it's been a shocking 2020.

  Howard said there are good days and bad in California. He said that things are really bad out there. He said now Oregon too. He said the environment has changed. He said that there are a million things going on.

  Howard said he was thinking they had to be kidding with the Emmys. He said that people do need an escape. He said people want to have something different going on. He said you need a feeling of frivolousness going on. He said he thought during the Emmys this nurse talked about getting COVID and talked about how severe it was. Howard said that was a good thing.

  Howard said Jimmy had to be the true master of ceremonies. He said it was great because they got rid of the nonsense. He said there was no wasting time.

  Howard said Mark Ruffalo gave that speech and his wife was so excited. He said you never see that on the regular show. He said that they showed people with their wives and that was kind of interesting. Robin said one woman had the camera on her after she got her award and she was freaking out and calling for her mom to show her that she won an Emmy.

  Howard said it wasn't the easiest broadcast to pull off but there were very few technical glitches. He said it's tough to get it to sound right. He said he knows from doing this show. He said the Emmy goes to whoever pulled that show off.

  Howard said what bothered him about the Emmys is that E! was doing a red carpet show. He said two of the hosts got COVID and had to pull out. He said that one Giuliana Rancic was one of the women who had to pull out of the show. He said they showed her at parties without a mask on before that. He said they say that this is going to get worse as the weather cools down. He said what concerned him was that people like the cast of Schitt's Creek were all together not wearing masks. He said he hasn't watched that show yet but he will. He said that everyone is watching it and seeing it now that it's on Netflix.

  Howard said what he was trying to say is that when they cut to the Schitt's Creek people it seemed to him that they were wearing masks but then taking them off and talking into the microphones and then hugging. He said it's indicative that the rules are very lax. He said that we can't get rid of the pandemic because of this. He said it's a lack of leadership in his eyes. He said that he saw this guy Dr. Sanjay Gupta talking about the mask thing. He said that the President is saying that you can wear them or not. He said Dr. Gupta said we have to have an effort to produce N95 masks. He said if we had good masks we could go out and we could cut down on COVID. He said he said the President has to get up and say we have to get rid of this thing by wearing masks.

  Howard said he was reading that in Indonesia they punish people who don't wear masks by making them bury their dead. He said we are so far behind the rest of the world. He said no one knows what to do.

  Howard said Giuliana Rancic was running around at parties without a mask on. He said everyone is confused by this whole thing. He said he and his wife are trying to quarantine. He said they have friends who want to drop by to say hi. He said that they don't stay apart if they visit. Robin said you can't stay apart if you're drinking at a party.

  Howard said Vivica Fox was at a party and Giuliana Rancic was out on the water with some people.

  Howard said there's confusion out there about this whole thing. He said even his wife was saying that people are getting together and you think you can do it. He said people stop wearing masks and you think you can stop wearing a mask. He said it's a weird psychology when you don't have leadership. He said the morons take over. He said he had so many morons when he went to school that the morons take over. Robin said the head of the CDC came out and said a mask is better than a vaccine.

  Howard said the morons took over in his school. He said it's like the inmates are running the asylum. He said science is losing to the morons. He said he saw it on the Emmys. Robin said even Jimmy wasn't social distancing at a point in the Emmys.

  Howard said the ahead of the CDC said the mask is a better than a Vaccine and Trump made him walk it back. Howard said the head of the CDC is a scientist and a learned man. He said that the guy who knows nothing about science made him walk it back. He said it's so arrogant to tell him to walk it back. He said keep preaching. He said he knows you don't turn on the TV to hear that but we're in dire times.

  Robin said she's doing the right things and she doesn't need to be preached to. Howard said one of his daughters is a nurse and she sees it every day. He said she's scared out of her mind. He said people aren't wearing masks. He said this is insanity what's going on.

  Robin said she had a friend who got COVID-19. She said he was in a hospital 3 weeks ago. She said she got a picture of him at a restaurant this weekend. Howard said that's his point. He said there is no leadership on this deal. He said there are 200,000 dead and he's sure there will be 200,000 more. He said he's sure of that. Robin said there are people who aren't here now and that could have been prevented.

  Howard said we're waiting for a leader and it's ridiculous what's going on. Robin said there's a woman who was complaining for being kicked off an airplane because her 2 year old refused to wear a mask. Howard said something has to be done where they can partition airplanes. He said to get the economy going it's going to require the leadership that we had with Franklin Roosevelt. He said we have to get behind the scientists.

  Howard said the Post Office was going to mail a mask to everyone in the country and guess who shut that down. Robin said the president thinks there's only one solution to a problem. She said he has to lie to everyone to keep them happy. She said there aren't just two choices.

  Howard said the morons are wining out. He said trust him on this. He said he saw this growing up. He had madness around him all the time. He said you can't let the morons take over. Robin said that always happens.

  Howard said we need leadership. He said he won't preach the rest of the show. He said we are in dire times. He said this Coronavirus is not going away on its own. He said it's going to thrive now that the weather is cooling down. He said everyone is relaxing and thinking they can't get it. He said Sanjay Gupta was right about getting everyone an N95 mask. He said get the plastic masking too. He said the guy from Schitt's Creek didn't have his mask on correctly. He said he had his nose hanging out. He said everyone is walking around doing their own thing and that can't happen. Robin said people can't be trusted to do the right thing. She said that's why she won't go out.

  Howard said the President has said he downplayed the whole thing with COVID-19. He said that there are ways to save the situation and it will require hard work from people. He said over 198,000 people have died from this already. He said he hasn't been preaching lately because he had given up. He said he thought that people would make up their own minds about this. Howard said people aren't taking this seriously. Robin said Jennifer Aniston was 12 feet from Jimmy at the start of the show but then by the end she was right next to him.

  Howard said he likes the people from Schitt's Creek but they were all taking their masks off and hugging. He said it's no joke.

  Robin said that Will said he has a friend who is looking for a heart transplant. Robin said they say that kids who get COVID-19 have to get a full cardiac workup before they can go and play football. Howard said if he was president no one would be doing their own thing. He said you can't just wing it. He said this would be over already if he had any say in it.

  Robin said there was another motorcycle rally. Howard said there were 875 cases in all of Canada yesterday. He said that in the United States there were 36,000. He said in Indonesia they're getting rid of it. Robin said we have to look to Canada for what to do. Howard said Canada used to be bullshit but now they're doing better than we are. Howard said it was U.S.-life. He said now they're laughing at us.

  Howard took a call from fake Arnold Schwarzenegger who said their Governor said they're allowed back in the gym. Howard said that's fine if you follow the rules. Howard spent a little more time talking to fake Arnold.

• RIP Ruth Bader Ginsburg And King Of All Blacks Thoughts On Various Things. 09/21/20. 7:30am
  Howard said King of All Blacks is on the phone. He said he has some new fans lately. He said people liked how he was with Ronnie. He said he'll read some of the comments. He asked King what he has to say. King said that Howard has to talk about this all day. He said Ruth Bader Ginsburg died and this idiot came through and said that he's going to push through someone to replace her. He said it makes him think that Obama didn't fight hard enough to get his nominee through. Howard said Ruth Bader Ginsburg was a great Supreme Court Justice. He said she helped all of us, men and women. He said that she was into equal rights for everyone. He said she voted for very important stuff. Howard said in the 70s women had to have a man co-sign for them if they wanted to buy a house. He said women still needed a man to sign. He said that's what was going on in the 70s. He said that was absurd. He said think about that. He said not everyone shared her opinions. He said now you look back on it and see how crazy it was.

  Howard said here was another thing where if a woman's husband died the wife could get his benefits. Howard said that men would not get Social security benefits and they had to go to work too and take care of the kids. He said Ruth Bader Ginsburg got behind equal rights for men to get those benefits. He said it's that kind of common sense that she had. He said she was a bright woman. He said she went to Harvard and met her husband there. He said these are top people who you want in charge of the Supreme Court. He said it's not the people who only think one way.

  King asked if he sees the big picture. Howard said he has to get out of this discussion. King said he has to say just one thing. Howard didn't let him get it out. King was trying to say this one thing but Howard said he has to get out of this discussion. He said the reason he erupted this morning was because people on the Emmys weren't social distancing or taking the mask seriously. He said it's the lack of leadership that's causing that. He said if you agree with him you're smart.

  Robin said all of the people on the Emmys last night aren't dumb people. She asked why they're confused. Howard said on a national level people should know that we're at war with this virus. He said that you think you can let your guard down. He said you can't do that. He said we need a doctor to tell us what we should be doing. He said you have to wear a mask and you have to have schools set up to teach this way. He said it's good that the celebrities preach but they have to walk the walk too. He said people are confused and letting their guard down. He said that you can't let your guard down or you'll get this thing. He said we don't know the long term effects from this. Robin said there are people who have gotten it and think they're immune. She said they run around without masks on. Howard said that people think they don't have it in their area or they think it's a hoax. Howard said he hears people saying it might be a hoax. He said they just don't know.

  Robin asked why we are so susceptible to false information. Howard said that he'll tell you why. He said there's a mass psychosis going on. He said we have leadership saying you don't need a mask or testing or tracing. He said we're hearing craziness from the leadership. He said it's mass confusion. He said if Sanjay Gupta was president he would tell you that the only way out is to wear a mask every say. He said you have to wear plastic shield masking when you're around kids and teaching. He said that way there wouldn't be confusion. He said people are getting nuts.

  Howard said the people on the Emmys were showing that common sense is gone. He said we're never going to get back to normal if this keeps up.

  Howard said he has to read some feedback about King. He said they released the video of King with the Wack Pack Happy Hour. He said people thought he was great in that. He read some feedback about King being very funny in that video. Howard had a lot of positive comments about that.

  Howard said people are shocked at how good looking Mariann from Brooklyn is. He read a few comments about that.

  King said he just has to say this one thing. He said that he wants people to know what's going on. He said they're trying to put in this Supreme Court Justice so if they have to put off the election that they can say that Trump can put it off. Howard said everyone knows that.

  Howard said he read a story in the paper about another white woman who was pretending to be black. He said you have to hear this. He said this woman had a Muslim sounding name which was CV Vitolo-Haddad. He said she's also one of these people who is known as ''They'' so the article was about how They were pretending to be black. Howard read some details about that. King had some thoughts on that too. He said that you shouldn't feel insulted that a white person wants to be black. Robin said it's not insulting but it's crazy. She said she doesn't care who is black and who isn't. Robin said King is so crazy.

  Howard said he has some tape of this CV person talking. He played a clip for everyone to hear. King said that he wouldn't say that these people are crazy. He said they see something in black people that others don't. King said we need anything to get a leg up. Robin said that he wants someone to validate his worthiness and that's ridiculous. King said they put a stamp on it. Robin said he doesn't need the stamp or the validation.

  King said he feels sorry for this woman. He said black people didn't shun her, white people did. Robin said black people don't shun anyone. King said look at the whit guy who shot up the black church. He said the black people forgave him. Robin said so what. King said he can't stand people who forgive people for killing people. He said it's always a fat black lady who they talk to about that.

  King said he has to dispel this myth. He said they drove to Philadelphia yesterday to get a cheese steak and it was horrible. He said all of the hype is hyped up for no reason. Howard asked why he would drive 2 hours for a cheese steak sandwich during a pandemic. King said he doesn't play that game. He said he has thousands of masks. He said he wears one everywhere he goes. He said his wife was like that too. He said now she's slipping. Robin asked why he drove so far for that sandwich. King said he kept hearing how good it was. Howard said food is so available in this country so you don't have to drive that far for a sandwich. He said you go to a doctor or go make a living he gets but there is no sandwich that good that you have to drive that far for. King said he knows it was so dumb and stupid. He said he couldn't wait to get there. He said he also messed up his new shirt with a stain from it.

  King said he thinks that Obama let us down. Robin said that he did not. She said that the senate confirms the supreme court justice. She said Obama couldn't do anything about it. Howard hung up on King when he was arguing with Robin about that.

  Howard said this woman CV Haddad is totally white and she did make a statement about the whole thing. He said she has what she said in this statement she put out. He said she was asked if she identifies as black and she said she shouldn't have but she did on 3 occasions. Howard read some of the other things she said in the statement.

  Robin said she was filling out some forms a few weeks ago and on the form it asks you your race. She said we take that for granted. She asked why she has to fill that out. Robin said it went far beyond that though. She said it asked her how this was determined. Howard said wow. Robin said she's refinancing something and they asked her that. Robin said they say they're not allowed to discriminate but they ask these questions.

  Howard read what this CV Haddad woman said. He said she says she's Italian and she went along with however people saw her. Howard said that this must be a thing that women like to do. He said that's who keeps getting caught doing it.

• Some Calls And Fan Feedback. 09/21/20. 8:00am
  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he listened to the Adam Levine interview twice because it was so good. He said all of it was incredible. Howard said he knows Adam to be very intense about music. He said there are musicians who don't have a sense of history or have an opinion about it. He said Adam does and he's not afraid to express it. He said he knew he'd be terrific. He said he was great.

  The caller said he has an issue with Robin's laugh. He said it's a fake laugh. Howard said it's not fake. The caller said she giggles at every little thing. Howard said if you worked with him you'd laugh like that too. The caller said there she goes now. Howard said you have to take it or leave it. Fred played a bunch of her laugh clips.

  Howard said Jimmy Kimmel got a lot of great feedback about being on the show. Howard read through some of that. Howard had some feedback about the sex tip that Ronnie gave to Jimmy. He said the fans enjoyed that.

  Robin said they were talking about how Jimmy is the most relateable host in late night when they were promoting him.

  Howard said that Jimmy gave a Baba Booey on the Emmys last night. Robin said she didn't hear that because she went to sleep. Howard had a clip of Jimmy doing that last night on the Emmys.

  Howard said he could have said many things but he went with the traditional Baba Booey. Howard said there are so many mutations of that name. He said it all had to do with Gary not knowing the name of his favorite cartoon character.

  Robin said she's afraid of Baba Booey dying because there aren't any fans out there able to get on the air. Gary said that some guy yelled it out on the street when Chuck Schumer was giving a speech. Howard said there's always a place to yell it out. He said according to Page Six Baba Booey was the password for the Zoom after party for the Emmys. Gary said someone sent him a note saying that when they heard Baba Booey being yelled out it made it feel like the word was back to normal.

  Howard said they did a Bigfoot update last week and they had a bunch of people write in about that. Howard read some of that and people enjoyed that segment. People were talking about how great Shuli is too.

  Howard read some feedback about Gary peeing on his toes to kill the fungus. People were disgusted by that. Howard someone wrote in and said you have to use someone else's urine to do that.

  Howard asked Gary if he has an update on that pee thing. Gary said nothing is happening with it so far. He said he feels silly doing it and he won't ask anyone else to pee for him. Howard said Richard said he will mail him his urine. Gary said he's not interested. He said he almost knocked the can over and he will get kicked out of the house if he does knock it over. Howard said he's not sure where this idea came from but just finish that can and then give up.

  Howard asked how his knee replacement is. Gary said he's about halfway there. He said he can bend it but not quite enough. He said he tired to put on his sock and he hurt himself doing it. He said he's still in physical therapy and the new one is getting better but the old one is getting worse. He said he may have to get the other one done but he has to put it off until after this year.

  Robin asked if Gary is going to therapy or doing it virtually. Gary said he is going there but it's just him and the therapist in the place. He said he does it on a Saturday so there's no one else there.

  Howard asked Gary how man pills he has to take every day. Gary said it was like a dozen in the morning but now he's down to nothing for the knee but he has some intestinal issues now so he has to take something for that. It's just one pill though. He said he had to get his cholesterol down too. Howard told him to just fill his pool up with urine and dunk his whole body in there to cure himself.

• Michael Rapaport Attacks JD And Gary. 09/21/20. 8:15am
  Howard said he also wanted to point out that JD was getting beaten up by Michel Rapaport and now Gary is getting it this week. Gary said that he and Michael played each other this week. He said he's very good but he never does well in the playoffs. He said Michael had a good day yesterday so he was getting a lot of email from him.

  Gary said at one point Michael said that his asshole was leaking from what he had done to him. Howard said the stuff about JD was unbelievable. He said Gary is under a lot of pressure but that doesn't stop Michael.

  Gary said that he realizes that there are two people there with Michael. He said there's a human and the other guy. He told Howard a story about how he had helped Michael out with something but he put that aside and still attacked him after he helped him.

  Howard read some of the emails that Michael sent to Gary. It was all about breaking Gary's asshole and things like that.

  Howard said this all started with the Iron Sheik. He said that he used to do that and always insisted he wasn't gay.

  Howard got JD on and talked to him about what Michael did to him. JD said he won't leave him voicemails but he'll send him voice texts. He said he makes sure he will hear what he has to say. He said it's always very creepy. Howard played some of those creepy messages that Michael left for JD where he went off on him. He was telling JD he wants to pat that pussy he has. He said he's going to kick his fucking ass all weekend long so he has to get that pussy ready so he can pet it.

  Howard said this is what you hear your first night in prison he would imagine. Gary said he has a weird thing with duct tape. He said he used to leave messages about how he was going to duct tape him up and rape him. JD said he used to watch this guy in movies and now he's talking about raping him. Howard said he's telling him to tape up his dick and make it look like a pussy. Gary said in his world it's your duty to do that for him.

  Howard said Michael Tweeted about beating JD and JD replied with a tweet about how he can stop calling him because he wont pick up. Howard said that lead to this message. He played a clip of Michael going off on JD about that tweet.

  Howard said how great would it be if JD actually did it. Robin said that would scare Michael. Howard said he thinks it would. JD said he has tried that and Michael told him not to do that. Howard asked how great it would be if he fell in love with Michael. He said it would be great for the show.

  Howard said JD tried to vote Michael out of the league a few years ago and Michael didn't forget about that. He played a message where Michael went off on JD about that. JD said he knows where JD lives so he can show up there when he's walking his dog and find him. Robin asked if JD even has a dog. JD said no.

  Howard said Michael used to get help from his son playing in the fantasy football league. JD said he doesn't think he has that help now and he's doing fine. Gary said that he doesn't have a job so he has a lot of time to work on it now.

  Howard said JD has won the league before but Michael has never. He played a clip of Michael going off on JD about how his entire team failed him. He said his whole team sucks and he sucks too. Michael talked about how disgusting his teeth are and how dumb his glasses are. He said his teeth are even worse than Gary's are.

  Howard said he doesn't know JD's whole history but this must feel like being back in high school. JD said he got this in elementary school and not so much in high school. He said it does feel like that though. Howard said he must have been bullied. JD said sure.

  Howard said JD got beat up by a girl in school. JD said she was biggest than him so yeah.

  Howard said he heard that JD's Playstation broke and it was under warranty but he went out and bought a new one. Howard asked if he's being frivolous. JD said all he does in life is play that thing. He said he did have a warranty with the store and he could have sent it back to have them look at it. He said he didn't know when he'd get it back. Howard said he's so addicted to it that he had to have it immediately. JD said yes. He said there are daily objectives you have to do in Madden Football so he wants to do that. He said you have to do them daily. He said you get enough that you get certain things. Howard said if you miss them then you fall back? JD said yes. He said you can get coins and buy things in the game.

  Howard said when you look back on your life will you look back and see how much time he wasted on that game and maybe think he should have spent time learning guitar or something. JD said he regrets a lot of things and he will continue to do that forever. Robin said he'll continue to do them though. JD said he's an idiot and he's not sure what to tell her.

  Howard said you'd think he's gotten some expertise in the game. He asked if you actually play games within the game. JD said yes. He said you can go online and play or do missions within the game. Robin asked if he's any good at it. JD said he's better than he was.

  Howard said maybe spend his time directing a film since that's what he wanted to do. JD said he doesn't have a great idea to do a short film. Howard asked why he doesn't at the age of 40. He said he's got to have some kind of idea. JD said he has certain ideas but they don't go far. Howard asked what his ideas are. JD said he has one about mental illness. Robin asked if that's about a guy who sits around and plays games all day long.

  Howard said maybe take one of these online film writing courses and do that instead of playing games. He said learn how to get his ideas on paper. JD laughed and said that's a very good idea. He said he just hasn't done it lately. Howard said he knows something about JD. He said he's 40 years old and he hasn't done it. He asked how often he thinks about this movie thing. JD said a few times a day. Robin said maybe get a legal pad and write stuff down. JD said he has thought of doing that. He said he has just given up. Howard said he has learned that he gives up very easily. He said he heard that he stopped exercising too. He said he has completely stopped working out. JD said he has. He said he has gone wonky with everything.

  Howard said he heard that JD was going to pitch a movie idea to Ted Sarandos from Netflix and Ted had to cancel at the last minute. Howard said if he was going to do that he must have some ideas for the movie. He said he must have something. JD said he doesn't want to get into that. Howard said Ted did agree to meet with him. JD said he did. He said he thinks it was set up as a thing for him to do out there. Robin said he could have pitched. JD said he did have some ideas and stuff and then it got canceled. He said he was at a party and said he didn't know what the formalities of the meeting would be. He said he told this guy what it was and he told him that was more of an elevator pitch. He said you have to lay out the whole story from beginning to finish and he didn't have that.

  Howard said he has done about 30 pitch meetings and he has sold something every time. He said there are all kinds of pitches. He said he did one with Tim Stack and Son of the Beach. He said they did a whole 5 minute scene when they went in to pitch it. He asked JD to give him something from that pitch meeting. JD said he doesn't want to give up his idea. Howard said he was going to with Ted. He asked if he's worried that someone will steal this idea. JD said it's that and maybe sounding like an idiot.

  Robin said Howard has to set this up with coins that he can get in missions he can go on. Howard said he'll give him 5 coins and a mission if he pitches him well. JD chuckled at that.

  Howard said JD's wife is on the phone and wants to defend him. He took the call from the fake wife who sounds a lot like JD. Howard let her talk to JD for a short time.

  Howard asked JD about people playing Madden and doing better than him. JD said there are people who play it for a living and he's not doing that. Fake JD's wife was saying she was sitting on his Playstation and getting off on that. Howard asked the coins are in the game. JD said it's currency in the game. Fake JD's wife asked how many he has. JD said he has over 100,000 at this point. Howard asked if you pay for them. JD said you can purchase points to get better packs or whatever but you get the coins by selling cards on there.

  Howard said he wants to understand this. He said he doesn't understand where the money comes in. JD said you don't have to spend money but you can. Fake JD's wife was talking about how hot this discussion is. JD told Howard about the currency thing and how you can buy points and all of that. Howard didn't understand. He asked why you don't want to win on your own cunning. JD said you can but if you want to have the top level players you can buy your way into it.

  JD said he's not sure how to explain this. Fake JD's wife was moaning the whole time. Howard said JD isn't exercising and he's not working on his movie ideas. Gary said they had JD out there to meet with some other people too. He said there were 3 ideas he had. He said he had a comedy, a documentary and a thriller. He asked what he would have liked to have pitched. JD said the documentary. He said he's fascinated by celebrities who are popular and then disappear out of the spotlight. JD said they're recluses. He said that Axl Rose and some other guy. Gary said it as Sly Stone and some others. JD said he wanted to document them and see why they live like this out of the public eye. Howard asked if it's because they're recluses or are their careers just over. JD said they're recluses.

  Howard said he's not sure where this was going. He asked if he thinks he's reclusive. JD said that's different because Howard is out there expressing himself. Howard said so is Axl Rose when he goes out to perform. Howard asked if he's going to get Axl to do a movie like that if he's out touring. JD said he's not out there doing a lot of media or interviews. Howard said neither is he. JD said alright he's done with this. He said he had a few other people like Terrence Howard.

  Howard said this documentary might be one minute long. JD said that you can interview people who knew these people. Robin said he was just going to irritate these people. Howard asked fake JD if he's working on this. Fred did his JD impression and talked about how he wanted to interview the ''Where's the Beef'' lady. He said maybe Orville Reddenbacher and Kip Winger too.

  Howard and Robin goofed on JD about the whole idea of that movie. Howard made up more stuff that he could talk to the reclusive people about. They aren't that reclusive though.

  Howard said maybe JD should stick to Madden. He said he does work hard on it. He said if he pours that energy into it. Fred was doing his JD impression getting all pissed off at the game. JD said that's literally him yelling at the TV.

  Howard asked JD if he offered him a coin for his Madden game to write a page of script, would that inspire him. JD said no. Howard said between the fantasy football and the video games he spends a lot of time with football not moving a muscle. He said he applauds him for that.

  Howard said JD's wife married him and she must like this stuff. Fake JD's wife said he's very good at it. Howard let her go and took a call from a guy who said JD has to think about evolving or his wife will get bored and leave. He said Howard has taken on all of these other interests and he continues to grow as a person. He said JD keeps regressing. Howard said JD does work very hard all week and he relaxes by playing this game. He said maybe it makes him feel relaxed. JD said he has evolved by drinking wine and liking that. Howard said now he can boil water too. JD said sure he can do that too. He said he can use a lighter now too. Howard said his wife must get turned on by that too. JD said he has done a lot of hiking the last couple of years too. He said he never did that before.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said JD is kind of blowing it because he has the support of Howard Stern. He said he can get him to talk to the right people and all of that. Howard said if JD came to him with an idea and he pitched him he'd throw him right out. He said he doesn't need that burden. JD said he does have friends in the industry and stuff so he's okay.

  Howard said JD has a lot of fans out there. He said that he remembers when JD didn't even brush his teeth. He said now he does. He said he's come a long way. He said he washes his sheets now. He said there were years that JD didn't brush his teeth. JD said his hygiene wasn't the best. Howard said he went months at a time. JD said it wasn't months.

  Gary said that they all loved JD but he had really bad breath and they had to have a discussion about it. He said it was something that had to be dealt with. He said he had to get that out there. Howard said now JD brushes his teeth and has good breath. He said he didn't get laid until he was 25. He asked how often he's getting laid now. JD said a couple of times at least. Howard asked if that's a week. JD said he's fine.

  Howard said he has to have a talk off the air about this. He asked if he's getting laid more than he's beating off. JD said yes. He was getting frustrated saying that he's done with this. Howard said he wants some numbers here. JD said he's not giving numbers.

  Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he thinks when he looks back on his life that things went downhill when he was introduced to marijuana. He said he's laying around playing video games and probably getting stoned. Howard said he's not exercising either. JD said he's not doing the weed thing that much actually. Howard said Jeff knows what he's talking about. Jeff asked JD for his opinion on Big brother. JD said it's not the greatest season. JD said that these people had alliances before they even went into the house so that wasn't good.

  Howard asked Jeff if he has a regular TV or cable. Jeff said he doesn't have cable but he gets good channels. He said it's all in HD. He said everything is picture perfect.

  Howard said he has Richard Simmons on the phone because he wants to be in JD's movie about recluses. The guys were playing clips of Richard making all kinds of weird noises and saying things that had nothing to do with the documentary. Howard said JD will be in touch with him after the show. Richard was crying and asking if he can have a Kleenex please.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said JD isn't being truthful about Madden. He asked how much he has spent on it so far. JD said about $100. The caller said he bets it's more like thousands. He said there are people who spend like $10,000 in a season. JD said over the past 3 years it's probably thousands but not in this one game. The caller said a bundle of coins is like $100. He said JD had to have spent more than that. JD said he's not spending that much. Howard said he's right because he did say that in the last 3 years he's spent thousands.

  Robin said she knows people who work in the video game industry and they know how to get people to spend money. Howard said they like highly manipulatable people. Howard said this caller seems to know JD very well so what else is he lying about. The caller said that he knows what JD likes because he was trolling him for a while on Twitter.

  Howard asked how often JD is masturbating. The caller didn't have that information. Howard said thanks for uncovering whatever that was. Robin said JD studies to get better at Madden. Howard said the boy works hard every week so he can't deny him some fun. He said he knows JD does other things like watching Twitch. Robin asked if he watches Unboxing videos. JD said he has done that too. He said he watched a guy for a half hour trying to put a box in a protective case. Howard said you'd think the guy would try to figure that out ahead of time. Howard said it's a good thing that Francis Ford Coppola wasn't into Madden Football. He said he never would have made The Godfather. He said JD is afraid that people are going to break into his building and kill him. He said he never brings that up on the show. JD said he has had that thought cross his mind. He said you hear people out there buzzing your apartment and you have no idea what they're doing.

  Howard said JD reminds him of a Quentin Tarantino who never would have made Pulp Fiction if he had found Madden. Howard asked if these people are random people or people targeting him. JD said they're random. He said he's not sure what they're looking for but they want something and they might kill him for it.

  Howard said JD has fears of cars driving over him at outdoor cafes. Robin said she gets that one. She asked if he has seen the way they set them up.

  Howard wished JD luck with everything with Madden. He asked what his mission was yesterday. JD said he had to gain 5 yards or something. He said you have to play a game and throw a pass and gain 5 yards. Howard asked if he was successful. JD said he was. Howard said that's good. JD said it's almost like a checklist thing he has to do in his head. Howard said he's doing well and doing great at his job.

  Howard said JD has a good life going on. He said he's drinking wine and spending time with his wife.

  Howard wrapped up and got in a plug for Casper Mattresses for being their show sponsor today. They went to break after that.

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• Music Discussions. 09/21/20. 9:20am
  During the break they played a ''That's what I Call Impacted Feces'' album commercial parody, a phony phone call to a guy using Mad Dog Russo clips, A Beetle channel commercial parody, a phony phone call to a woman using Crazy Alice audio clips, a song parody with JD laugh clips, a Robert O'Neill ''Stern Show Heroes'' bit, a song parody with High Pitch Erik singing about how he's going out during the pandemic, a song parody about Ronnie and King of All Blacks, a song parody about Shuli moving to Alabama, a song Lil Mikey parody about Quarantine, a message from George Takei about Quarantine and Van Halen's ''Hot for Teacher.'

  Howard came back and talked up the song a little bit. He said he was thinking about the Emmys and what he would have done if he had been a presenter. Howard said he was reading Peter Frampton's new book that he got in advance. He said he was talking about the intricacies of playing these riffs. He said that he loves hearing about that stuff. He said he loves Eddie Van Halen videos. He said he watches them online. He said Eddie was at an event with Les Paul and another one where he's at a guitar store playing. He said there are so many videos of him playing with other people. He said he's not with Van Halen and he's just crazy good.

  Howard said what a guitar player. Robin said he was talking about Slash's riffs and not Axl Rose. Howard said he didn't know he said Axl. Robin said Eddie has been pretty reclusive lately so JD should get him in his documentary.

  Howard said one of the fascinating things was that Eddie was a drummer and his brother Alex got better at it so he switched to guitar. He said they had a father who was a musician and helped them. Howard said his dad never talked to him so he had no idea what he did.

  Howard said he was walking around this weekend singing a Beatles song, ''I Am The Walrus.'' He said it was making him mental. He said he loved that album. Robin asked how many albums they did. Howard said there were a lot. Robin said John said they only did 10 but there are 30 in the United States. Howard said maybe he wrote them as individual albums but they had left over stuff. Robin said there was a big mess translating the music from England to the United States so they put them out at different times. Robin said he felt that the British albums were better because that's what they wanted to put out.

  Howard had ''I Am The Walrus'' playing and sang along with it. He talked about some of the odd lyrics in the song. Howard said they also say that the way the song sounds in the beginning was made to sound like a siren. Fred played a siren sound to show how it was similar.

  Howard said he should be able to write a simple song like this. He said maybe Fred could and hand it to him. He said he was singing that song all weekend and that's that.

• New Wendy The Slow Adult Phony Phone Call And Game. 09/21/20. 9:35am
  Howard said he has a new phony phone call. He said Wendy the Slow Adult called in a few months ago and she was upset with Robin over something. He played a clip from the day she called in and went off on Robin about how she thinks she is in love with Howard.

  Howard said they called an internet radio show and made it sound like Wendy was in love with the host. Howard said they must have tried 100 different shows and grey all hung up on Wendy tapes. He said they finally found someone who bit into it and went along with it. He said they put a lot of hours into this one. Howard said there are some guys who are like pitbulls on this show.

  Howard played the new phony phone call where the guys called this internet radio show with Wendy clips. They had her saying that she was in love with the host. The host said that she's not rally in love with him. He said he's married and he's sure that she'd be good for someone else. They had Wendy saying some weird stuff so the host finally hung up on her. The guys called back with clips of Gary the Conqueror complaining that the host was hitting on his wife. The host said she was the one making advances toward him. He said he's married and he wasn't hitting on her. Gary had him repeat after him by saying he wasn't going to hit on her anymore. The host repeated after him to get out of the whole thing. He said he thinks the Coronavirus has been affecting people and especially these two.

  Howard said he doesn't like him making fun of slow adults but okay. He said Wendy is unbelievable. He said Wolfie has been checking in with her and she's very hard to work with if she's not getting paid. Robin said she used to just call but now it's all about money.

  Howard said he has a clip to play where Wolfie calls her. He said just listen to this. He played a clip where Wolfie called and Wendy got upset with him for calling because she didn't get any money. Wolfie said she has to answer some questions to get money. Wendy said she already did stuff and she didn't get money for it. She said she's trying to buy a computer or something. Howard said they have given her a lot of money over the years.

  Howard said Wendy told Wolfie that she has some kind or racket going where she gets paid to mention things on the show for people. Howard played a clip of Wendy telling Wolfie about that. She asked if she can get a plug in for this guy if she mentions his name on the air. She told him not to mention it to Howard. Howard said she's bringing Wolfie into her evil plot.

  Howard said she's like a gangster. He said she has a racket going on and she doesn't want Wolfie ruining it for her. Howard said she can mention names on the air, he doesn't care.

  Howard said he feels like Wolfie is so annoying that Wendy has to get money to talk to him. He said she loves being on the radio so you'd think she'd love to hear from him. He said when Shuli calls they're more into it. Howard got Wolfie on the phone and said that he is kind of flat so maybe it is his delivery that's annoying. Howard said he kind of has that Jon Hein monotone. Howard did his impression of Jon and said its hard to read Wolfie.

  Howard asked if he tried to bribe Wendy and didn't get her the right thing. Wolfie said he did get her the wrong puppet. He said she wanted Kermit the Frog and he got her the wrong one. He said she got really pissed off at him. Howard said ''Idiot.'' He said you'd think she'd be grateful. Wolfie said she's always busy when he calls her.

  Howard said they can make a game out of this. He said they asked her question about money. He said they asked if she knows who is on the bill of a $5 bill. He said he doesn't think she'll know. Robin said no way. Howard played her answer and she said President Trump. Howard said don't give him any ideas.

  Howard said they asked if Wendy knows how many nickels makes up 30 cents. Robins said no way. Howard said he doesn't think so either. Howard played her answer and Wendy said six. She knew the answer so Howard asked if Wolfie was shocked by that. Wolfie said this is why it's fun.

  Howard said they asked if she knows what metal pennies are made of. She said gold. Howard said they asked what machine they get money from. He said she must know this. Robin agreed. Howard played her answer and she knew ATM.

  Howard said they asked Wendy to spell the word ''dime.'' He asked if she spelled it correctly. Robin said no. She spelled it ''Dame.''

  Howard said they asked Wendy to repeat the phrase ''In god we...'' Wendy said ''Hell.''

  Howard said they asked Wendy what bird is on the back of a $1 bill. Wendy said ''Crow.''

  Howard said they asked Wendy if she had a quarter how many pennies you'd need to make 29 cents. Wendy said 30 pennies.

  Howard said they asked Wendy what ATM stands for. Wendy said ''Mother.''

  Howard said they asked Wendy what's worth more, 25 $10 bills or 50 $1 bills. Wendy knew it was the $10.

• More Music Talk. 09/21/20. 9:50am
  Howard took a call from a guy who said he's still bummed that he didn't get to interview Eddie Vedder. Howard said he thinks that he'd be a great interview. He said he thinks that asking him about the songs he wrote would be great. He said he thinks it would be a great interview. The caller said that he thinks he's his generation's Jim Morrison. Howard said he couldn't stand Jim Morrison. He said he didn't get him. He said Eddie is a great guy and he gets him.

  Howard said his dad met some guy up at his recording studio and he had every Doors album given to him and he brought them home to him. He said he never did like them. He said that he thinks he threw out the albums or gave them away. He said he just didn't get their music.

  Howard said it was the same thing with the Grateful Dead. Robin said Rush too. Howard said don't even bring that up. He said they were on in Washington DC and whenever he played a song he had to pick from this card list. He said you had to pick from the front and not the back. He said fuck you to that and when Rush came up he'd put it in the back. He said he never followed the example. He said that he wasn't going to play Rush on his show. He said he was the number 1 show and that's because the other idiots were paying Rush. He said he didn't have the Grateful Dead or Doors.

  Howard said Eddie isn't about carrying on like Jim Morrison. He said that they're very different people. He said he's not in the same category. The caller said that he doesn't even know that much about Jim. He said he was just throwing that out there.

  The caller asked if he feels like he does where he discovers a band and he feels like he discovered them so if his friends like them then he doesn't care so much. Howard said not at all because he didn't have any friends.

  Howard said he did have a friend that he used to hang out with and he was very intelligent about music. He said he was a good dude. He said he's not even sure if he's still alive. He said he assumes everyone is dead. He said sometimes guys from school will contact him and he realizes that he doesn't want to talk to them. He said he did get together with this guy Marty he went to school with. He said there are others who weren't real friends. He said he spoke to Dr. Lou over the weekend. He said he's been friends with him since the fourth grade. He said Lou was good to him when they were growing up. He said there were a lot of assholes who weren't good to him and when he got famous they came crawling to him. He said he was like ''fuck you.''

  The caller asked if he has watched The Social Experiment. Howard said not at all. He said he doesn't care about experiments. The caller said he turned off all social media after seeing that show on Netflix.

  Howard said right before the Emmys he sent Jimmy a gay porn clip. He said he was able to just search it and send it immediately. He said he likes that about the internet. Robin said that's not social media. She said that's Facebook and Instagram.

  The caller said it's actually called The Social Dilemma. He had the name wrong. Howard said he doesn't like experiments.

• Baba Booey Shout Outs And Movie & TV Talk. 09/21/20. 10:00am
  Howard said Robin was talking about Baba Booey earlier. He said that they were talking about the Emmys and how Jimmy mentioned Baba Booey. He said people are still getting it out there in different ways. Robin said she's happy to hear that. Howard said the PGA championship was held last month. He said no fans were in attendance but that didn't stop it. Howard said there were Baba Booeys. He said this is one as Daniel Berger teed off on the 12th hole. He said he's not sure how this happened. He played the clip and someone did yell it out. Robin said it was very far away. JD said they had a fence and fans were able to see through a little hole to see when the players were hitting.

  Howard said his is Brooks Kepka teeing off. He played that and a few Baba Booeys could be heard.

  Howard said he has Tiger teeing off at 13. He had a bunch of Baba Booey shout outs there.

  Howard said Space X sent a rocket up to the Space Station and on the Discovery channel the host was Chris Jacobs and he has made a bunch of Stern Show references in the past. He said he did it during this space craft thing. Howard played the clip of Chris doing a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' reference. Howard said it's still around.

  Howard said Raul Martinez is the host of a morning show and he mentioned the show. Howard played a clip of the guy reading a happy birthday message and it was Howard, Robin and Fred who were mentioned.

  Howard said they were mentioned during ''Days of Our Lives.'' Howard said he was watching the show Lucifer on Netflix and they did a Baba Booey shout out on that show.

  Howard played the ''Days of Our Lives'' clip where this guy was talking to his dead brother's suit and did a Baba Booey. Robin said she used to watch that soap when she was in college. Howard said he can't be tied up watching a show that he has to watch every day.

  Robin said things move so slowly that you can catch up easily. Robin said she saw a movie that Howard might like. She said one was The Courier. She said it's just what Howard would like.

  Howard said it's driving him crazy with Homeland because they have this miscommunication going on. He said the show is making him mental. He said he has 2 episodes left to go and he can't take it. Robin said she watched 2 episodes and gave up. Howard said he thinks he watched Watchmen and he's not sure if he ever finished it. He said he may have to start it over again. Robin said that it is winning a lot of awards.

  Robin said the there movie she wanted to mention was ''Blood and Chocolates.'' She said that was even better than The Courier. Howard asked where that one is at. Robin said it was either Netflix or Prime Video. Howard said she should mention where it came from. He said he has to search with his remote and it's so slow.

  Howard said he likes Denzel Washington as The Equalizer. He said he loves revenge movies and TV shows. He said if he had learned the martial arts and could defend people he'd love to be one of those guys. Robin said if he had he'd end up like Ralph Macchio's character running a car dealership. Howard said he tried to take lessons in Karate but his feet were so dirty that they told him he can't be in there. Howard said his parents goofed on him about it. He did his impression of his parents talking about that time he got kicked out for having dirty feet. Howard was going on and on with his impressions of his parents talking about him as a kid with his dirty feet and long toe nails.

  Howard had his parents telling stories about how he tried to play clarinet as a kid and that didn't work out. He had his mom talking about how the doctor said he was as happy as a mongoloid when he was born. Howard said everything was a nightmare in his house. He said his father would come home complaining about people at work showing him pictures of his baby. He said his dad was like ''Who gives a shit.'' He said he never carried pictures of his kids around with him. He had his parents talking about how they never carried pictures of their children with them.

  Howard had his parents talking about how little they had growing up. They were talking about how awful they had it and how they were thrown out of their apartment and things like that. He had his parents telling their worst stories. Robin asked how they found each other. Howard had his dad telling a story about how he found her at a dance he went to. He had his mother talking about how she went to a dance with her sister and her sister was the beauty. She was a tall woman so she didn't want to be there because no tall guys would be there. She said her sister told her a tall guy would be there and then she saw Ben there. Howard asked if it was love at first sight. He had his dad say ''NOOO!'' He had his mom talking about how he sent her a post card. His dad said if she lived too far he wouldn't have dated her. His mother talked about going on their first date and how upset her father was about that. He didn't want her getting married because he wanted her to stay home and take care of him.

  Howard had his mother talking about how she took Ben out for Chinese food for the first time in his life. Ben was talking about how he liked institutional food and that's what he was used to in the military. Ray talked about how much Ben liked the Chinese food.

  Robin said and then they had Howard. Howard said he has to get out of there. He said look at the time.

  Howard took a call from Ralph who asked if his dad really said he likes institutional food. Howard said he did. He said he's not making this shit up.

  Ralph told Howard to start Watchmen from the beginning. He said it's great. He said he's sure that he stopped watching it because it was coming out an episode a week. Howard said he's probably right. Ralph said 21 Bridges is really good too. He said that's with Chadwick Boseman. He said it's a good cops and robbers kind of movie. He said The Vow on HBO is another good one but that's coming out once a week. He said that show is so fucking good. Howard said he doesn't need that. He said it sounds like a documentary he wouldn't like.

  Howard told Ralph that Jimmy was telling him about Ralph sending him emails right before the Emmys. Howard said Ralph sent him something. He said it's this black guy who has this giant dick. He said everyone has seen this guy. He said he sent it to people and they already knew about him. He said everyone sends Ralph dick pics. He said they think he's gay so they send him that stuff. Ralph said he'll take a look.

  Howard asked if he saw Ralph's penis once. Ralph said he thinks so but he can't remember why. Howard said they were talking and he pulled his sweat pants and underwear down and he saw it. Howard said he's not sure if he saw the whole thing but he saw the base of it. He said something was happening but it didn't even register with him. Ralph asked if he wants him to send him a picture. Howard said no thanks. Ralph said he'll text Robin later.

• Howard's Painting And More. 09/21/20. 10:30am
  Howard got in a plug for Casper for sponsoring the show today. Robin said they have to talk about Colton from The Bachelor tomorrow. Howard said he got a restraining order against him from one of the girls. Howard said he's a weird guy. He said he married them on Ellen when he went on that show. Howard said he's an odd guy but he seems like a nice guy. He said he seems like a deer in the headlights. He said he told him that he wants to be ''in the media'' when he asked him what he wants to do with all of this fame. He said he's not really that kind of guy. He said he had a girlfriend named Cassie who was really cute. Howard said she ended up going out with him but she wasn't that impressed with him. Robin said it didn't last and now she has a restraining order against him. He read some details about what happened with those two and why the restraining order was filed.

  Howard said if he wants to come on the show and explain it he can do that. He said there's nothing worse than a false accusation. He said stalking isn't a funny thing. He said that can be scary.

  Howard took a call from Apples who said he saw Beth's Instagram and there was a picture that he was drawing and he wondered how he sets that up. Howard said he has music playing and he was playing Machine Gun Kelly who will be on Wednesday. He said he had his paints out and all of that. He said the picture was Central Park. He said Beth took the picture and said she was putting it out. He told her to go ahead. He said she thought it was cute how Helen was laying there on his table. Apples asked how big that picture was. Howard said it was 3 inches. He said it's in his sketch book. Apples said he knows exactly where that was in Central Park. Howard said he has to go. Apples asked him to share more of his art. Howard said maybe he will. He said he just finished a big one that he might share. Apples said there's so many bad things going on and it's inspiring to see it. Howard said painting is a great way to pass time in quarantine. He said it's fun and it takes artistic vision. He said he was telling a friend that he needs a hobby so take it up. He said the person said they may try it. Howard ended the show around 10:40am.

• RIP Jackie Stallone. 09/22/20. 7:00am
  Howard started the show talking about how everyone loves ''Hey now!'' He said he was watching Celebrity Family Feud and they had Weezer vs. Fall Out Boy. He said he had never seen that. Robin said that's the one she ran into the other night. Howard said he didn't know they had rock bands going up against each other. He said he's a big Weezer fan. Robin said she's a big fan of both. Howard said it was Fall Out Boy plus Seth Green for some reason. He said they had a woman with Weezer who was playing at the end. He said she was a studio engineer or something. Robin said she saw the final thing where they answer questions and they asked for a month that starts with an A and the band member wasn't able to come up with an answer. Howard said they weren't able to get to August. Robin said April was the number one answer. Howard said he'll have to play that.

  Howard said he woke up around 4am this morning and saw that Jackie Stallone passed away. He said she was 98. He said he doesn't have the obituary in front of him. He said that he didn't have much time to prepare. He said he brings up her name because it was a name that he had forgotten as one of the best guests of all time. He said she was so opinionated. He said she was the mother of Sylvester and Frank Stallone. He said she was a wile character who was married 3 times. He said one time she was on the show and her ex-husband called in and he was fantastic. He said she was kind of a peripheral show business character. He said she worked out in a gym almost until the end of her life. He said she really cared about that. He said she was doing amazing things for a 98 year old. He said she was doing squats with 90 pounds on the bar. He said you're way ahead of the game if you can do that at that age.

  Howard said Jackie's big claim to fame was her son Sylvester and of course Frank. He said she was very proud of her boys. He said she studied astrology and she had coined the term Rumpology. He said she would do a palm reading of your ass. He said he figures all of that stuff is bullshit but she got some kind of vibe from that. He said she loved her on the show.

  Howard said that Sylvester stayed away from the show for years because his mother would say anything on the show. He said she was also one of the founders of GLOW which was the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. He said she was a great beauty. He said she had a great spirit about her too. He said she created the Silver Foxes with Richard Simmons too. He said she was a character that was around and doing a lot of things. He said she claimed to be the astrologer for many people around the world. He said he's not sure if it's true or not.

  Howard said he'll have more clips tomorrow but he just found out about this so they're going to do a tribute. He said there were years when she would come in and she was angry and she'd come in cursing like crazy. He said they'd warn her every time and she would still come in cursing. He said she was always in the middle of business when she came in too. He said she was a great guest.

  Howard said he didn't think that you could have a mother like that and be normal. He said Frank and Sylvester are able to function every day and that's a miracle. He said she would walk in claiming her dogs were psychic too. He said when you're around that kind of craziness it's very difficult to be successful. He said the fact that Sylvester can take a fork and knife and eat by himself is a miracle.

  Howard said one of the things that bothered Jackie was that Frank never got married. He said he wasn't interested in marriage but that bothered Jackie so much. Robin said she wasn't successful at marriage herself. Howard said she got married 3 times. He said he has to play this clip of her. He said this must have turned Frank off to marriage.

  Howard said this is Jackie and her ex-husband talking on the show. The ex-husband had called in. In the clip Jackie cursed and told him to never talk to her again. She used the F-word a few times and they had to hit the dump button on them.

  Howard said he hated terrestrial radio because they weren't able to curse like that. He said that he has a delay button and you can hit it once or twice but then it can't build up. He said he didn't want to hang up but if she kept cursing he'd have to end it. He said he has one other clip to play but he'll have more tomorrow.

  Howard said he has a clip where the husband says her vagina is like a Genoa salami. He played that clip where they were arguing and the ex brought up the salami thing. Howard laughed at that comment.

  Howard said this reminds him about how hard it was to do the show. He said he had to hit buttons and ask people to stop talking. He said that's what's so great about satellite radio. He said he can just shut up and let people go. He said coming there was the best move. He said he can just let it go. He said it was so crazy.

  Howard said rest in peace that wonderful, crazy woman Jackie Stallone. Robin said all she had to do was hear his voice.

  Howard said he saw Jackie on Big Brother years ago. He said she was on with Brigitte Nielsen. He said that she saw Jackie there and said hi and Jackie said ''That's right, my name is Jackie.'' Like she didn't know who Brigitte was.

  Howard said Charles Atlas lived in the home with Jackie too. He said that would have been awesome to have someone like that living there in his house. He said he's not sure he could have handled a mother like Jackie though. He said he knows the boys loved her dearly. He said Sylvester treated her like a queen. He said he loved his mother. He said even when she'd come on the show he wasn't thrilled that she'd say certain things. He said that she was claiming the ex-husband wanted to abort Sylvester. He said that Sylvester never gave her shit for it though. He said she was a queen and they loved that mother. He said they were very protective of her but they didn't make her stop coming on.

  Howard said he never got word from Sylvester asking them to stop having her on. He said he knew she was a character. He said he doesn't think it would be easy to be raised by someone like that. He said he had another kind of crazy in his life. Howard said he would love to talk to those boys about that in a real way, off the air, with no Hollywood bullshit. He said he'd like to know what it was like for them. He said those boys did okay.

  Howard said rest in peace Jackie Stallone. He said they'll pull more clips for tomorrow's show. Robin said they loved when she came on. Howard said she was fantastic. He said when she would walk in he was so happy. Howard read some comments from Frank about his mother. He said she died in her sleep. Howard said he's sorry for their loss. He said that from his end he loved her. He said she was one of the all time great guests on the show. He said she was their RBG. He said she was fantastic. He said he got really sad when he read that. Robin said she almost made it to 100. Howard said she had a good run.

• Top 3 Rock Bands Of All Time. 09/22/20. 7:20am
  Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves the music talk lately. He said he's in his mid-20s but he loves classic rock. He asked Howard for his top 3 rock bands of all time. He said he knows what he's going to say and he may want to reconsider. Howard asked if it's bands or solo artists. The caller said just rock bands. Howard said he has thought about this many times. He said this morning he woke up at 4am and thought about it. He said he is really into music and it disappoints him that he didn't concentrate on playing guitar or piano more. He said he thought about this a lot because he was watching Bruce Springsteen talking. He said he's about 70 or so and he was talking about the impact of Elvis Presley. He said Bruce said he got a guitar and didn't really learn to play right away. He got bored with it or whatever. He said then the Beatles came out and Bruce heard that and called his sister and asked if she had heard them. He said after that he got his guitar and took it seriously.

  Howard said when you ask about the top 3 rock bands it's a specific conversation. He said he could talk about solo artists like James Brown and people like that. He said the Beatles are number 1 of all time. He said they were so innovative. He said they inspired so many. He said the Rolling Stones were inspired by them. He said it's always the Beatles. He said there's no argument there. He said you don't know what you're talking about if you argue about that.

  The caller, Kyle, said that they weren't around all that long and they may not have had that big of an impact. Howard and Robin both said that they had a huge impact and because he's so young he has no idea. Kyle said he thinks there are better bands. Howard asked what his three bands are. Kyle said Led Zeppelin, Queen and the third one is tough for him. He said maybe the Beatles. He said he can't say the Rolling Stones. He said that he doesn't get their music. He said he would say Rush. Howard said that's a dopey list but he's 26 and living in Illinois. He said he gets it.

  Howard asked what Kyle does for a living. Kyle said he's a music teacher. Howard said this is a shame. He said these kids are being steered the wrong way. Howard said he believes the arts should be taught in school. He said you don't even see art classes anymore. He said they are the most important classes. He said math and science are too but art has to be taught. He said they call it artists eyes. He said that once you're open to that then you see the world in a different way.

  Howard said he considers Kyle's job is very important but telling them that Rush is an important band of all time is wrong. He said he's teaching them mediocrity. He said that he's telling him the truth. He said they're like number 9 million. Kyle said there aren't even that many bands. Howard said he has to tell the kids that he's getting this from Howard Stern who knows music.

  Howard said Queen was a good band. He said Brian May has sited the Beatles as an inspiration for Queen. He said you can hear it in their music. He said that he pointed out the White album. He said Kyle has to go listen to that tonight. He said Brian May has said that writing music can be like painting. He said that's what Queen was all about. He said that they learned that from The Beatles.

  Howard asked if Kyle is teaching on zoom or in person. Kyle said it's both. He said he goes 5 days a week with them. He said half are in person and half are home. He said it's kind of a hybrid option. Howard said he's concerned about these children. He said he should be part of his class and teach the kids. Kyle said he doesn't talk too much about rock but when they do he'll let Howard know.

  Howard said the have The Beatles and not Rush or Queen. He said The Beatles built it. He said to invent something brand new is tough. He said there was no one to emulate. He said it was a wasteland. He said that his imagination took him to different places. Howard said the second group on his list is The Rolling Stones. He said they did something so unique. He said they built off of a blues foundation. He said the Beatles wrote their first hit. He said they created masterpieces. He went over some of the great songs that the Stones had. Howard said he should play him some. He said he doesn't get that he doesn't understand the Stones. Howard said hummed some of their song ''Paint It, Black.'' Then he played the song for Kyle. Howard asked if he has ever heard the album Exile on Main St. Kyle said no. Howard asked how you can teach music and not hear that.

  Howard asked what qualifies him to teach music. Kyle said that he went to a private liberal arts school. He said that was called Millikin University. Howard said he's never heard of that. Robin asked how he got qualified to teach music. Howard interrupted and had Fred play more Stones music. Robin asked what Kyle plays. Kyle said he sings and plays guitar. He said he plays piano too.

  Howard asked Kyle to sing. Kyle sang a Bobby Darren song. Howard asked Fred to put the Stones back on. Fred played ''Rocks Off'' and Howard told Kyle to just listen to this. He had Fred play ''Jumpin' Jack Flash.'' He said any version of the song is great. Howard said maybe Kyle should be teaching gym. He let that song play for a bit. Howard said that song gives him the chills. He asked if Kyle gets the chills. Kyle said yes he does. Howard said that's what you want. Robin said Satisfaction is brilliant.

  Howard said Millikin is number 600 on the list of colleges out there. He said there are only 600 colleges out there. Howard told Fred to play ''Rocks Off'' from Exile on Main St. Fred played some of that.

  Howard said after this you can go to The Who or Led Zeppelin. He said now they have to figure out a third band. Howard asked Fred to play anything from Exile on Main St. Fred played ''Tumbling Dice.'' Howard said just play the whole album.

  Howard said now they have The Beatles and the Rolling Stones. He said you have to look at the body of work. He said now they get to number 3. He said that's a tough one because there are so many great ones out there. He said he's going to go with Led Zeppelin. He said that's because of their body of music and when they came out. He said any song on their album is mind blowing. Fred played some ''Whole Lotta Love'' and Howard let that play for a bit. Then he played ''What Is And What Should Never Be.''

  Howard said that this is exciting because the dean of Millikin college is on the phone. It turned out to be Wendy the Slow Adult audio clips. Howard talked to her about Kyle and what kind of student he was. Wendy just laughed when he asked about him. They had her coughing and saying ''yes'' a lot.

  Howard had Fred play more Zeppelin songs. He played some ''Heartbreaker'' and Howard said many women rejected him to this music. He said this is the soundtrack to his life.

  Howard said it's funny whenever this song comes on his balls turn blue. He said he never got laid to any of this music. He said he was left with blue balls to every track.

  Howard said he could sit here all day to prove it. Robin asked Kyle if Howard surprised him at all. Kyle said not at all. He said those were the three he figured he was going with.

  Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to argue about his picks. The caller, Larry, said there is something to debate here. Howard said no there isn't. Larry said that Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone but you're not going to trade him for your iPhone. Howard said he's not sure what he's talking about. Larry said there are 10 other bands that he likes other than the Beatles. Howard asked who's better. Larry said Pink Floyd. Howard said he can't talk to idiots. He said he should go to Millikin college. He hung up on Larry.

  Howard said that he's not sure who would even debate him on this. Robin asked if they have to call Lars again. Howard said maybe Lars can explain it to him. Howard said he's going to bring in Lars, Adam Levine, Bruce Springsteen, Paul McCartney and Robert Plant to discuss this. He said that he'll have the guy from Right Said Fred too. He said he'll have Neil Young, David Crosby, The Spin Doctors, Pete Best and more. He said they'll finally get an answer on this. He said that William Hung and CC Deville will come in too. He said Meatloaf, Simone Dinnerstein too. He kept throwing out names of anyone in music. He had Lou Bega, Kip Winger, Marky Ramone and others. He said all of KISS, George Harrison's sister and a roadie from Abba. He said he'll bring in some country people too. He said they'll get the same answer over and over so it'll be a boring show. He said maybe Dr. Demento will come in to talk about it. He said William Shatner and the Kevin Bacon band. He said Machine Gun Kelly will actually be there tomorrow.

  Howard asked if he has answered Kyle's question. Kyle said yes. He said his next question will be who are the three most underrated bands. He said he's about to go teach now so he'll use Howard's wisdom today. Robin asked what today's lesson is. Howard said it's about how you should never pay money to Millikin college. Kyle said he has to revamp his class today since it was all about Rush but now it'll have to be about the Rolling Stones. Howard said he believes that children are our future. He said what a fucking lyric that is. He said we kind of know that. He asked who else the future would be.

  Kyle asked if he can give him some homework. Howard said no because he knows everything. He said Jon Hein has an issue with his list. Howard said he loves Jon but his music interests aren't that great. Howard said Jon was an SAT instructor before he came on this show. Howard said no one would have hired Jon Hein but he did.

  Howard said Jon loves lists. He said you can see that he's upset about this list. He said he'll allow him to say something but if it's dopey he's going to cut him off. Jon said he agrees with his top 3. He said he's offended by him and Robin disrespecting Rush all the time. Jon said that this guy is a music teacher so he knows something. He said even Richard has said that Rush is good. Howard said their music is okay but it's soulless. Jon said it's not soulless. He said it's so far from it. He said Howard and Robin know maybe two songs. Howard said he has never said this before but he has to tell him now. He said that Jon likes hamburgers with no toppings and that's basically the Rush of hamburgers. Jon said that the band is great. He said he thought Cream was going to be up there on his list. Howard said they are up there but he had to narrow it down to 3.

  Jon said he's very upset that Howard doesn't respect how great Rush is. Howard said there are other bands like Yes that are great bands. He said they have some good stuff. He said he gets the chills from their music but Rush doesn't produce that. He said they're soulless. He said that he hates Steely Dan too. He said if he wants to crash his car into a wall that's what he'll listen to. Howard said they have some good songs but they're not great. He said he can't put Rush or Steely Dan in a top three list.

  Howard told Jon to go away. He asked him who has the best ice in fast food. Jon said Sonic does. He said they have small pellets that never melt. He said it will last you all day long.

  Howard asked Beth to come in to hear this. He said the vacuum is running. He said it'll be nice and clean later. He said she gives him details about the cleaning that she does all day.

  Howard asked what Sonic is. Jon said they're nationwide but mostly in the south. He said they bring you the food out to your car. Howard asked who has the best straws. Jon said it used to be McDonald's but now they have the paper straws that are just awful.

  Howard said he's sure that Meg Griffin would agree with him on the top 3 bands. Howard asked Gary to get her on the phone. Gary said he's going to warn him that she gave him a list of the best drummers of all time and they were names that he's never heard of. He said Hal Blaine was one. Howard said he thinks he was one of his neighbors. Gary said Levon Helm too. Howard told Gary to lose Meg's number.

  Gary said he has the whole list. He read it off to Howard and many of the names weren't recognizable to Howard. Howard said this is his problem with Meg. He said talk about someone you know. He said progressive radio in the 70s and 80s was great but listen to this list. He said you have to play some songs that people know.

  Howard said he was listening to Tom Morello on Lithium there. He said that he plays some stuff that's not that popular but at least you can listen to it. Beth came in and Howard asked her to stay but she said no. Howard told her to stay behind the curtain. He said he just wants her to know what he's doing down there. He told her about talking about the top 3 bands of all time and how the guy said Rush. Beth said it has to be the Beatles and Rolling Stones. Howard asked about her third. She said she didn't want to say the wrong answer. Howard said there is no wrong or right. Jon said that Rush is the wrong answer. Beth said ''Pink Floyd'' so Howard told her to back to cleaning. He said it's actually Led Zeppelin. Howard asked who has the best straws. Beth ran away.

  Howard said Beth loves Toad the Wet Sprocket. He said she likes one of their songs but she thinks she loves the band. Howard asked Fred to play the one big hit. Gary said they were just playing it. Howard said that's not it. He said they have another one. Jon knew it. Fred played ''Fall Down'' but that wasn't it either. Howard said they have another one. Gary said that the one Fred played was a bigger song. Howard said no it wasn't.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said they have Eddie Trunk there at Sirius so get him on the phone. He said he'll dispute this list. Howard said Eddie is a bright guy and he's sure he'd agree with him. Howard said how about if he gets Bruce Springsteen to answer that question. The caller said that Eddie will be more diverse. Howard said you can't take the word of Eddie Trunk over Bruce. Howard said they've all gone nuts. He said he has to get out of this conversation. He told Kyle to go teach his class. Kyle said he hopes to have this discussion again soon. Howard told him not to bother him again with this.

  Howard said Kyle should call back when he graduates a real school. Robin said she was watching a YouTube video about kids who have businesses before high school and they're talking about how useless high school is. Howard said no one likes those kids. He said he doesn't want to hear that.

  Howard said Kyle kept thanking his dad. He said he did that because he paid for that dopey school he went to. Howard said you could blow up the top 500 colleges in this country and Millikin still wouldn't be on the top 100 list.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he should have Nirvana on that list. Howard said they're a great band too. He said they're all great bands.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't disagree much with his top 3 but he thinks Pearl Jam should be in the top 5. Howard said they are a fabulous band. He said it's more relevant now but that's because it's closer to now. He said he really doesn't want to discuss this. Robin said you can all still like who you like. Howard went to break a short time later.

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• Don't Bother Howard With Stuff. 09/22/20. 8:15am
  During the break they played a ''Worst Case Scenarios with JD Harmeyer'' bit, a Jack and Rod show bit where Sal and Richard talked to a guy about what to do with kids during quarantine and they get Zoom bombed by Ronnie clips, a song parody about COVID-19, a song parody about Metamucil, a song parody about Ronnie and Happy Hour, an announcement from George Takei about how he stays so good looking with what comes out of Brad's balls and The Beatles ''Rain.''

  Howard came back and said this song (Rain) can make you cry. He let it play for a little longer. Howard said what a song. He said Paul's bass line on that is great. He said that's enough of music conversations for now. He said Ringo said this was his best drumming for the Beatles.

  Howard said he has to give some updates. He said there's a lot going on. He said thanks to Gardein for sponsoring the show. He spent a minute talking about their food.

  Howard said he got a note the other day that he should have thrown out. He said that the email pertains to mistreatment of animals. He said that it's about a hog farm that mistreats their animals. He said they want his help or publicize this at least. Howard said this woman Amy Serrano wrote to him asking for help. He said that they're reaching out to people trying to get help. He said that they have footage of this farm where the pigs are bleeding and have hernias and things. He said some of them can't walk. He said it's hideous. Robin said they take them and then slice them up for you to eat. Howard said you have to give them some sort of humane life.

  Howard said this woman Amy stormed this hog farm and sat down between pregnant pigs who were locked in metal crates. He said they weren't able to even turn around in their cages. Howard said he read about how they live streamed this for like 7 hours. He said it shed light on this farm. He said Amy was arrested and it caused all kinds of chaos. He said she has to go to court for 7 indictable offenses. He said this is all up in Canada. Robin asked what the charges are. She said she gets that it's not legal to go to the farm like that. Howard said he doesn't have all the answers. He said he felt bad when he got this note. He said they're just trying to get the story out there.

  Howard said if you live with pets you see how sensitive they are. He said they need support for this group to get some sort of justice. Howard said they said you can follow Amy on social media @AmySerrano.

  Howard tied that in with Gardein since they're plant based foods. Howard said people send him stuff even when he asks not to be bothered. He said he has his own problems. He said he was on the phone with his mother for 2 and a half hours yesterday. He said that he had to figure out her life. He said every day he has this stuff going on.

  Howard said he has to sit down and figure stuff out. He said when people ask about this stuff he just wants to ask how they'd figure it out if he was dead.

  Howard said he got a note from someone who was upset about some project they were doing that he wasn't part of. He found out his agent said no to them. Howard said people are all calling him and asking for advice. He said what he if he didn't live. He said he feels like the Messiah sometimes. He said he just wants to be a regular person. He said a regular person just says ''what do you want me to do?'' He said that's what he wants to be able to do. He said his mother needed his help. He did his impressions of his mother and father talking to him.

  Robin said when she was in therapy she asked why she has to fix everything. She said the therapist told her that she's the one who is bothered by it, that's why. Howard said that's right. He said you want to be loved and it's sad. Howard said he and Robin care. He said it sucks for both of them.

  Howard said he couldn't even say that he was upset when his mother asked him for help. He said she has problems and he doesn't apparently. He said that she goes on and on about her mother dying and how she didn't have any underpants. Howard said they gave him this face he has. He said that's his horror.

  Howard said Beth talks about her life and she has a fairy tale life. Howard said Beth dated a guy in high school and her teachers would ask her about him and tell her that he wasn't good enough for her. Howard said this was male teachers who were doing that. Robin said they can tell who a rat is. Howard said his teachers weren't worried about who he was dating. He said even his parents didn't know who he was dating because he wasn't dating anyone. Howard said his teachers didn't even know who he was.

• Bigfoot Update. 09/22/20. 8:30am
  Howard said he has a Bigfoot update. He said Wolfie is talking to a lot of Wack Packers during COVID. He said that he's a Bigfoot Whisperer apparently. He said Bigfoot likes talking to Wolfie.

  Howard said he asked Wolfie to do a follow up on Bigfoot. He said he heard that Bigfoot calls Wolfie like 100 times a day. He said imagine that's who you're getting calls from all day. He said he's off his meds and very talkative. Robin said he has a lot of energy off his medication. Howard said he leaves voicemails and the conversations cover a wide array of topics.

  Howard said this is what Wolfie's voicemail sounds like. He played some of the messages that Bigfoot has left for him. Bigfoot calls and talks about many different things but they're pretty short messages. Howard said he loves that he calls himself Bigfoot or Mark E. Shaw Jr.

  Howard got Wolfie on the line and asked how many times he hears from him a day. Wolfie said it's all day long. Howard said Bigfoot is hard of hearing and when he picks up the phone there's a delay so he gets very upset about that. Howard played a clip of Wolfie calling and trying to get a hold of Bigfoot. Bigfoot keeps asking if anyone is there. Wolfie talks but Bigfoot doesn't hear him. Bigfoot ends up hanging up on him.

  Howard said maybe he's holding the phone upside down or something. Wolfie said that's possible.

  Howard played a clip of Bigfoot telling Wolfie about getting robbed. He said that he was promised that he'd get his cock sucked and this woman did nothing and ripped him off. He said she ransacked his house while he was in the bathroom. He said he was in there 10-15 minutes. Wolfie asked why she asked him to go into the bathroom. Bigfoot said he has no idea.

  Howard said it's a good rule of thumb to never play hide and seek with a crack whore. He asked Wolfie if he ever has a day where nothing happens with Bigfoot. Wolfie said never. He said he has a crisis every single day.

  Howard played a clip of Bigfoot telling Wolfie more about that woman ripping him off. He said that he lost $280 to her when she showed him her ass and cunt. He went off on all women after that.

  Howard said Bigfoot has fallen for this scam multiple times. Wolfie said it's like 3 times in the past 6 months. Robin said the word must be out on the street about how he'll give you all his money if you show him your body.

  Howard said Bigfoot has been asking for the FBI's number lately. He asked what's going in there. Wolfie said he thinks that people are out to get him and he wants the FBI involved to stop it.

  Howard played a clip of Wolfie asking Bigfoot about how he flirts with women. Bigfoot talked about how he talks to women and its basically asking them to show him their tits and things like that. He was talking about giving them his sperm and cumming in their ear and stuff. Howard said he thinks that's all from the Harvey Weinstein dating video.

  Howard asked what Wolfie's real name is. Wolfie said his name is Bob Wolfe and Howard is the one who started calling him Wolfie. Wolfie said he didn't want to get fired from his job so he was using the name Wolfe. Howard said he kind of gave him a personality. Wolfie said it really did.

  Howard said he has to get back to Bigfoot. He said Bigfoot admitted to having sex with the mail man years ago. He said he blew him and stuck his fingers in his ass. He said that he is an open book so he's a great guest. Howard played a clip of Wolfie asking if he's more into guys or girls. Bigfoot said he's more into girls but he goes both ways. Wolfie said it sounds like he's gay for pay. Bigfoot said that's exactly it.

  Howard said that Bigfoot has done other things with guys too. Howard played a clip of him talking to Wolfie about how he's done things with other guys like some guy at a liquor store. He said he gets a blow job and he'll fuck the guy up the ass. He said he'll get a few dollars for that. Wolfie asked if its worth it. Bigfoot said it is.

  Howard said Bigfoot is like the Brad Pitt of Vermont. Robin asked if you'd see that guy and think you wanted him. Howard asked how he met the mailman. He asked what kind of mail he can be getting. Robin said he has to get bills. She said he probably gets the coupons that everyone gets too. Howard said probably.

  Howard said Wolfie got fascinated with Bigfoot and what he gets paid for sexual acts. Howard played a clip where Bigfoot told him how much he can get paid for a hand job. He said he can make 25 bucks doing that. He said a blow job he gets 50 bucks for if he swallows. He said fucking in the ass is another 50 bucks. He said it depends on if he has a rubber on or not and how long he has to go. He said it's 60 with no rubber.

  Howard said that's the pay scale for Bigfoot sex. He said he knows he has a huge penis so word must have gotten out. He said maybe the gay community wants to see it. Robin said this is all going on up in Vermont.

  Howard said Bigfoot is always in fights with his neighbors. He played another clip where Bigfoot was telling Wolfie about what's been going on with his neighbors and how upset he is with them. He said they were pounding on his ceiling so he started slamming things around too. He said he banged pots and pans and started his vacuum. Howard said imagine you live with this guy and this maniac is pounding on your floor. Howard said the worst is when you live in a close situation and your neighbors never go to sleep.

  Wolfie said Bigfoot is convinced that his phone line is tapped so he turns up his TV and radio really loud so they can't tap his calls. Howard said he had a neighbor like that in Hartford. He said all night long they'd be making noise and he had to get up early in the morning. He said he was famous and broke. He said he wasn't able to move.

  Howard said Bigfoot's plan is to have his neighbor punished but it turns on him. Howard played the clip and Bigfoot told Wolfie about how he got in trouble with the police and they said he was doing disorderly conduct. He said grey gave him a $350 fine instead of his neighbor.

  Howard played another clip where Bigfoot was talking about how he has a ghost in his apartment. He said things move around on their own. He said he can move things with his mind without even touching it. Wolfie asked if he has seen a ghost. Bigfoot said he has. He said stuff moves on its own.

  Howard asked why a ghost would want to live there. Robin said it's terrible there. Howard said there are people out there who need a great psychiatrist. He said it's a losing proposition there though. Howard said he has a lot of conversations with Bigfoot about taking his meds but that's boring stuff.

  Howard said last week Bigfoot thought he had spoken to Joe Biden. He played a clip from last week where he talked about that. Howard said they prank called Bigfoot as Joe Biden. He said that's what he was referring to. He said a lot of people asked him to play that call so here it is. He played a clip of one of the guys doing a Joe Biden impression and asking Bigfoot to vote for him. Bigfoot said he's not going to do that and he can go fuck himself. Bigfoot said that he knows he just wants to raise taxes. He told fake Joe that he doesn't like being harassed. Joe asked him what his concerns are. Bigfoot said he has a lot of bugs in his apartment. Joe said they have another infestation and that's the current administration. Joe convinced him to vote for him by the end of the call.

  Howard thanked Wolfie for the good job there. He said he's going to take a break now. They went to break after that.

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• Kanye West Discussions. 09/22/20. 9:00am
  During the break they played a phony phone call the guys made to a woman using ''Flirty Gary'' clips, a song parody about Ronnie being undecided for the election, a George Takei announcement about wearing masks and Aimee Mann & Michael Penn's ''Two Of Us.''

  Howard came back and said he loves this song. He said they're doing a Beatles classic. He wondered what they do all day long. He said it has to be a really romantic life. He said Aimee must be in panties in bed writing music and it sounds good to him. Robin said she's sure it's not like that. She said someone has to cook and clean. Howard said he thought it was interesting that Sean Penn said he hadn't seen his brother in a long time. Robin said brothers aren't always close. She said she's not sure what the age difference is. Robin said he seems to have the same relationship with Michael that Sean does. Howard said he hasn't heard from Michael in a long time. Howard said he has his email. He said you eventually run out of things to talk about.

  Howard said he saw a Kanye West video where he peed on his Grammy. He said seeing someone's urine stream is disgusting. He said the guys forced him to watch it so he'd react to it. He said you wonder why he was doing it. He said clearly the guy cares about Grammys. He said he's the guy who ran on stage when Taylor Swift was finally getting her first Grammy or VMA or whatever. He said he thought it was important enough to interrupt her.

  Howard said it seems like Kanye was peeing on the Grammy because he's pissed off at the record companies. He said he's not sure how they're related but that's what he was doing. He said that poor Grammy is drowning in his urine. He asked what the convoluted logic it here. Robin said he's obviously not thinking clearly.

  Howard said Kanye was also thinking that this reporter from Forbes was a white supremacist. Jason said that he thinks that because the guy thought his running for President was silly. Robin said it can be anyone these days. She said if you say anything they might label you a white supremacist.

  Howard said Twitter gave Kanye a 12 hour time out for posting the guy from Forbes' phone number. Howard said that's funny grey gave him a time out.

  Howard said he wonders what happens to the Grammy after he pees on it. He said someone has to fish it out of there. Robin said maybe he can flush it if he has great plumbing.

  Howard said he's not a rap fan. He said he likes some rap music like the Beastie Boys. He said he likes DMX and some Run DMC too. He said he doesn't know much about Rap but Jason is a huge Kanye fan. He said he can't be a fan of the religious music. Jason said that he was a fan until 2013 or so. He said then it all became religious. He said it's alright but it's not great.

  Howard said in 2019 he was on tour saying that he rejects all of his old music. Howard played a clip of Kanye talking about how his devil music days went right to number 1. He was rambling about why he made that music and how he was asleep when he was making it.

  Howard said this happened to Little Richard too. He said when he started out he was making great music and then he went the religious route. He said don't get religious. Robin said it happened to Al Green too. Howard said how about Elvis. He played some examples of what he started out doing and what he ended up doing.

  Howard said god must not have good taste in music. He played an example of some of Kanye's early work with ''I Love It'' and then his ''God Is'' to show the transformation. He played a couple of his other songs to show the drastic change. Howard said the devil must be like ''I win!''

  Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he thinks that Kim is afraid to be around this guy now. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there. He said she wasn't looking for Jesus Kanye. The caller said he must have a massive schlonger to get past those massive ass cheeks.

• Howard's Work Out And More. 09/22/20. 9:15am
  Howard said he saw a picture of J-Lo with her massive ass cheeks. He said only a man like A-Rod can handle that. He said that Marc Anthony is a skinny fuck like him. He said that he has seen guys who were skinny that had big cocks. He said you're shocked by that. Robin said that she dated a guy like that. She said he was tiny but he had a huge cock.

  Howard said The Daily Mail is great. He said they showed that she's a real woman and didn't touch up her photos. He said that she's not his type. He said she looked like Jon Hein with a vagina. He said he didn't like her when he met her. He said she was snobby to him. He said he doesn't care if she has a problem with him. He said that's her problem. He said he was talking to Marc and she saw him and let out a yelp like she saw the devil. He did an impression of the yelp she gave.

  Howard said she has a beautiful face but he has to knock her down a few pegs. He said that A-Rod will probably be out of there soon.

  Howard took a call from a guy who talked about how great it would be if he got that mail man who Bigfoot was with on the show.

  Howard said he ordered some clothes from Peloton. He said he wanted some work out clothes. He said women have bras that give support and he needs support down there with his balls. He said they don't make a jock strap small enough for his cock. He said that it's like a Silly Putty container size. He said that he doesn't have enough to call it ''junk'' down there. He said he needs a custom bra for his balls.

  Howard said he was doing Peloton the other day and some of the instructors are so awful. He said some are really good but this one was awful. He said he won't even mention her name.

  Howard said he's into Hanna Corbin and Peloton Jenn. He said they're really good. He said they know when you have to stretch and things like that. He said they remind you to keep your knees straight or back straight or whatever. He said he had a woman the other day he had read about online. He said she had a horrible story. He said that she had this life changing thing happen and she started teaching Peloton. He said that he figured she'd be a great teacher. He said she starts in with this new age bullshit. He said he's getting a lecture with all of these cliché's and he doesn't hear one thing about what to do on the bike. He said then she has a DJ working with her. He said the instructor and the DJ are talking about music and they forget they're teaching a class. He said he has no one instructing him. He said she's talking about how everyone smiles in the same language. He asked how that helps him ride a bicycle. He said this heavyset DJ says ''Girl, you're right!'' He said he's sticking with Hanna Corbin and Peloton Jenn now.

  Gary asked if he's heard about the new bike. Howard said he's sticking with the one he has. Robin said that her bike has that. She said the instructor can take it over and change levels for you. Howard said he has a few bikes and now they have a better one. He said he's not buying it. He said he probably will. Robin said of course he will.

  Howard said he doesn't want to die on the bike. He said he gets dizzy when his heart rate gets too high. Robin said she rides her own pace and there are plenty of people who do that. Howard said the instructor tells you to work even harder but he feels like he's going to pass out. He said he's not going to fall off.

  Howard said Beth ordered him some new gear to work out in. He said he's been waiting for a long time for it. He said it's been over a month now. He said the Post office is holding it up. Robin said maybe they didn't have it in stock. She said you have to check that out. Howard said he sees it with Amazon too. He said we're turning into a third world country. He said he won't get into it. Robin said the Post Office says they can handle this vote. Howard said we'll see what happens with that. He said there's going to be a civil war in this country.

• Howard's Uncertain Future At SiriusXM. 09/22/20. 9:25am
  Howard took a call from a guy, Tom, who said he's in and out of the show but he's wondering if this is indicative of his not renewing the show. Howard said he's not comfortable talking about that. He said he doesn't have a new contract yet. He said they're done there at the end of the year with their current contract. Howard said they're done in the middle of December. Howard said he's not sure what's going to be. He said he's being honest. He said he still enjoys doing the show. He said that's what he has to enjoy to keep doing it but he's not sure what's going to happen.

  Howard said he enjoyed working with Jim Meyer and he's retiring now. He said that got him thinking. Howard said he's not sure where they're at with the talks and he's not even sure if they're still going on. He said he's not sure where he'll end up for what's going to be. Robin said Shuli moved on his own. Howard said that had nothing to do with his contract. He said that he can't give you with 100 percent what he'll be doing. He said he'd like to do something in the future and he'd like to keep doing it there at SiriusXM. He said he's not sure what's going to be. He said maybe something will be worked out but he doesn't know.

  Howard said he does sometimes fantasize about being away from radio. He said that Jim says he wants to spend more time with his family but it must be some family. Robin said she never wanted to spend time with her family.

  Howard said he really doesn't know wheat's going to happen. He said he'll end up doing something but he's not sure what. He said he does want to thank the fans for always sticking with him. He said they're always there for him and he tries to be there for them. He said he's not sure what will happen though.

  Robin said she's going to be upset that they didn't have time to think about their last dance with the people who have been there all this time. Howard said they could do a last show where they devote it to the people who work there. Howard said they can hang with them. He said he really doesn't know what's going to be. He said the last conversation he had with his agent he said he hadn't heard from anyone lately.

  Robin said not getting to say a lengthy goodbye is kind of sad. Robin said she thought they'd have a long time to get used to the idea. Howard said he's not saying that they're leaving but he doesn't know what's going on. Robin said if they do leave she just wanted longer to say goodbye. Howard said he's going to ask her to take 3 hours to say goodbye on that last show if they do leave.

  Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that they're not ready to say goodbye to him yet. She said that they can't do it during Corona. She said they have to stick around during Coronavirus.

  Mariann said that you have to cut the strings off the sides of your mask for the birds so she wanted to say that too. She said she's weaning herself off of meat because of Howard too. She said she values what he says about the meat thing. She started to scream so Howard hung up on her. Howard said you can have food that tastes like meat but isn't meat. He said that's great that she's weaning herself off.

  Howard said that he really doesn't know what the fuck is going on with him or the negotiations.

  Howard said if they do leave and they have to do an abrupt goodbye he's going to produce a farewell show. He said they'll put it on Netflix or something. He said they can have a special on a streaming service. He said it'll be a big thing. He said Robin will get her goodbye. He said Baba Booey can finally move to Maine and stare at his family.

• Staff Update: Sal's Dream About Gary's Brother. 09/22/20. 9:35am
  Howard said he has some Staff Update to get to. He said he has a Sal story. He asked Gary what this is. He said it's really weird. Gary said Sal says that his brother came to him and he went to him to let him know that everything is okay. Howard said Sal is off his rocker. Gary said Sal has never met his brother.

  Howard said imagine a guy at work comes to you about this dream he has about your brother. He said Sal feels like he can sense things with trees and things like that. Howard said here is no afterlife. He said you're not going to be reunited with your dog or anything like that. Gary said he agrees with him on that. He said that Sal told him that his brother was watching over him and he had a cape on.

  Howard said imagine Gary's brother is in Heaven, he assumes. He said he has to get in touch with Gary and he chooses someone instead of Robin or someone like that. He said he didn't go directly to Gary either. He said he had to go to Sal.

  Sal said he can explain. He said this is exactly what happened. He said they were in a mansion at a cocktail party. He said it was him and Gary. He said grey were in tuxedos. He said above them there was a balcony and up there was Gary's brother. He said he told Gary that he was there and Gary told him he was dead. He said in the dream he was up there on the balcony and he had on a cape and a big moustache with Rick Moranis style glasses. He said Gary's brother said he had to let Gary know that he's still looking over him. He said there was someone else in the dream who Gary knows and he was in the dream. Sal said he and Gary end up in a glass elevator and it was moving either up or down. He said Gary tells him he spoke to his friend and he believes him.

  Howard cut Sal off and said he's out of his fucking mind. Sal said that if he went to Robin or Howard they would dismiss it because they don't believe. He said he knew that he'd give Gary the message.

  Gary asked if there was a time in the dream where his brother said he wasn't offended by his gay jokes. Sal said that was in there too.

  Howard said this dream is created by all of his bullshit. He said he didn't actually meet Gary's brother. Sal said he did. He asked Gary if his brother ever wore a cape. Gary said no.

  Howard said a dream is people creating movies like Stallone creating Rocky. He said Sal's intense desire to get in good with Gary created this dream. Sal said that might be part of it but it's also to let Gary know that his brother is alive and around him. Howard said Gary's brother didn't visit him and he had a dream and conjured up Gary's brother for psychological reasons that he won't get into. He said then he brings it to Gary who is emotional about his brother. Howard asked if it upset Gary. Gary said it weirded him out. He said he didn't understand it. He said he thinks that his intentions were good. Howard said Sal wants to be special in some way. He said he wants that connection with Gary so this was all made up in his mind.

  Gary said this dream isn't over. He said it sounds sweet but then what happens. Sal said that it took a left turn. He said on the way out there was an orgy going on in the garage and a lady was masturbating on a urinal. Howard said he understands that this was all made up in his mind. Sal said he doesn't think so. Howard said he made up the floating over his bed too. He said if he could actually do any of this he'd be the ruler of the world.

  Sal said if Howard let himself be more open to this spiritual stuff he'd have the same kind of experiences. Gary asked what the orgy had to do with his brother. Sal said he has no idea but he regrets bringing it up because it lessens the rest of the story. Howard said it doesn't make sense.

  Howard took a call from fake Sal's wife who said that she had a dream that his cock didn't look like a dead snail. She said she had a dream that he didn't think he was a psychic too. Howard said she must be fed up with his floating above the bed and all of that. Robin asked if he shares that stuff with his wife. Sal said he didn't share this one.

  Fake Mrs. Governale told Howard more of her dreams and they were about the things her husband has done at work. She said she had a dream that he didn't shove his own foreskin up his ass and things like that.

  Howard said a lot of songs are coming in about Sal. Sal said only this show could go from this beautiful message to shoving his foreskin up his ass. Robin asked if he's regretting things that he's done. Gary said that's a good point. He asked if he has regrets about making jokes about his brother in the roast. Sal said that thinking about how you're going to impact someone is really important. He said he has to think about that. Howard said he doesn't think that he's thinking at all. Robin said she thinks that Sal is trying to get into heaven and this is how he's doing it.

  Howard played a song parody where they had a bunch of funny comments Sal has made over the years.

  Gary said he thinks this is how Sal thinks he can get forgiveness without doing any work. Sal said changing and recognizing your faults is how you do that. Robin asked if he's like Kanye West and he will change and not do things on the show. Sal said you can still be funny on the show. He said he had a mouse in the house and he went out and bought a trap that keeps them alive. He said that he didn't think it was fair to the mouse to kill it.

  Howard took a call from a woman who said that it's like the enlightenment never happened for him. She said that all of these things in his life are because of science. Sal said he totally believes in science. The caller said that dreams are images from yourself. Sal said she's very angry and judgmental. He said he's not angry at her but she's judging.

  Howard said he has to prove to him that he can still work on this show by shoving his foreskin in his ass. Sal said he'll still do that stuff.

  Howard said Cocktober is right around the corner and he's had many ideas for what to do during Cocktober. He said it's very exciting. He said he wants to assure his audience that they have many things coming up.

  Sal said he did jerk off to some old lady orgy. He said there's something about old ladies that he likes. Gary said Sal likes humiliation stuff. He said that's why he likes piss porn. Sal said that's not true. He said piss porn isn't humiliating. He said the women enjoy it. Howard said it's still humiliating to be peed on. Robin said even if they're pretending to enjoy it then it's still humiliation.

  Howard said Sal loved a video where some guy banged a chick who had her head in a toilet seat. Sal said that was where this guy picked the chick up while she was still on his cock and ran into the bathroom and dunked her head in the toilet.

  Howard asked Sal what he thinks the old lady porn stuff is about. Sal said it's realistic. He said they're not perfect looking and he doesn't like fake breasts and fake hair color. Howard asked why he'd jerk off to that. He said he jerks off to women who are not real looking. He said he wants to avoid reality. He said he wants to see fantasy and not cellulite.

  Gary said that there's a guy Sal likes named Rocco. He said that guy does a lot of humiliation stuff. Sal said that he started doing this smacking thing and as soon as he started doing that he didn't like it at all. He said he was also spitting in her face. He said that was disturbing to him. He said when he did ass to mouth that was hot. Howard said he thinks he's had enough of this. Howard said Sal is a hard core porn aficionado. He said he likes a lot of strange stuff.

  Howard took a call from fake Blue Iris who was playing the part of Mildred the old porn lady. Howard asked Sal if he would have banged Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Sal said he wouldn't have. He said he has taste. He said just because you're old doesn't mean you're good looking. He said he wasn't into her. Mildred said that her uterus just fell out. She said she's going to put that back in there. She had everyone laughing at her comments.

  Howard said he thinks he's had enough of Mildred and Sal. He said it's getting late so it might be time to say goodbye. He said on tomorrow's show they get to meet Machine Gun Kelly. He said he's a fan and he didn't even know it. He said he saw him on the Grammys and he was the only one he liked. He played one of his songs. He said he was turned off to his name but what does that have to do with anything. He said that he started signing and playing guitar and he had something. Robin said he's so tattooed that he looks like he still has a shirt on when his shirt is off.

  Howard said they're going to talk to Machine Gun tomorrow about his new album. He said he got a hold of it early. He said he'll have to send it to Robin. He said Machine Gun is dating Megan Fox who is super hot. Robin said she was all over one of his videos. Howard said oh yeah. He said he wonders if it's a hassle for her to be with a young guy like that. He said she has kids. Robin said he might have a kid too. Howard said he thinks he does.

  Howard said the album is called ''Tickets to My Downfall'' and it's good. He said he's not sure what he can play or not. He ended the show around 10:05am.

• Howard's Broken Glasses. 09/23/20. 7:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: An announcement about Machine Gun Kelly being on the show today.

  Howard started the show talking about what an exciting morning it is. He asked how much fun they're having already. Robin asked what's happening. Fred played the horn of happiness. Robin asked what glasses he's wearing. Howard said he broke his glasses this morning and he has to get them fixed today. He said he doesn't like wearing these on camera but it's all he's got. Robin said she knows his look is so important to him. Howard said Beth doesn't like these. He said he wore these for a long time but then changed to his shades.

  Howard said he had a dream last night and Gary's dead brother came to him and said they're going to have a great show today. He said that he said he doesn't really give a shit about Gary and he only visits him because he's famous.

  Howard said Machine Gun Kelly is going to be joining them today. He said he saw him on the Grammys and he liked what he heard. He said he didn't like his name Machine Gun but he saw him perform and he was good. Robin asked what his name means. Howard said when he started his rap career he was doing it in a rapid style so that's the nickname they gave him.

  Howard said he liked this guy on the Grammys. Robin said he's cute. Howard said yes, very much so. He said he is fun to watch play guitar too. Robin said he's fun to listen to. She said he's a loose dude in a loose mood. Fred played a drop of Robin saying ''Big dick energy'' over and over.

  Howard asked if Robin is going to steal Machine Gun from Megan Kelly. Robin said she might have to. Robin said she saw some of his rap stuff and he does rap fast. She said he's quite a performer. Howard said Kelly has a foot fetish so that's why Megan's feet are all over that video she's in.

  Howard said he's looking into something nice for Robin to wear for this guy. He said she should wear a cut top if she wants to seduce him. He said she can try on some outfits if she wants. Robin said her closet is upstairs so she won't be doing that.

  Howard said when he broke his glasses he had to walk upstairs to get the other ones. He said he dreaded that. He said it's just one of those days. He said he almost just wore the broken ones. Robin asked if he'd just use one lens. Howard said he was going to do that.

• Mark David Chapman And Carole Basking Discussions. 09/23/20. 7:05am
  Howard said he has to mention a few things. He said Mark David Chapman killed the greatest human being on the planet, John Lennon. He said he was denied release again. He said Yoko has to go down every couple of years and speak to get his parole denied. Howard said he went to the parole board and this is the 11th time he tried to get out. He said he can't tell the story but he fucked up again at the meeting.

  Howard asked Jon Hein to tell the story. Jon said that the parole board asked him about doing it for the glory of killing someone famous. They tripped him up by saying that infamy brings glory so the parole board denied his parole as soon as they heard that.

  Howard said they have a lot of systems that are broken. He said if you kill someone you should never be released. He said he doesn't care who you are. He said an intentional killing like that is enough. He said Chapman had 3 other targets that he was going to do if he didn't get John. He said that you could be a crybaby and say he was rehabilitated. He said other mentally ill people don't kill people.

  Howard said that he sometimes thinks that in these days where people get to vent on social media and it's really shitty. He said maybe Mark would have been satisfied being a troll on social media. He said maybe that has saved some people in a way. He said Mark apologized and no one bought it.

  Howard said that Carole Baskin is on Dancing with the Stars and the family of the man who used to be married to her put out a commercial. He said the commercial begs the question if this woman did have something to do with his disappearance why are they making jokes about it on the show. Howard said there's a family out there who doesn't have a father. Robin said they're tired of her being welcomed into people's lives. Howard said they're looking for information about their father's disappearance. Howard said Baskin says that she had nothing to do with the guy's disappearance but the family is tired of the whole thing.

  Howard played a clip of the commercial where Don Lewis' family were talking about what happened to their father and how they need to find out what the truth is about his disappearance.

  Howard said that Carole is still denying that she had anything to do with Don's disappearance. Robin said she broke down on Dancing with the Stars because of the way she's been treated. Robin said she had the lowest scores on the show and her crying must have helped because some of the judges saved her.

  Howard said Carole goes on that show and does birthday messages on Cameo but she's upset that she's in the public eye. He said come on.

  Robin said they have some officials who are questioning her about her relationship to this guy's death so there is a lot of murkiness around the whole thing.

• Emmy In Memorium Snubs. 09/23/20. 7:15am
  Howard said he was talking about the Emmys and the In Memorium thing. He said he told Jimmy to put Ken Osmond from Leave it to Beaver on there. He said he actually made it in there. He said apparently some families have to campaign to get their family in there. Howard said Kobe Bryant was snubbed. He said he was on TV so he gets that. Nick Cordero wasn't in it either. He said people were upset about Kelly Preston not being in there too. He said she died this year too. He said people are upset about that. He said Ruth Bader Ginsburg got a tribute. He said she died 2 days before the Emmys. He said if she had died 6 months before he's not sure she would have gotten in there.

  Howard said they were talking about the In Memorium this morning and they were saying that sometimes you're shocked by who died and then they have people you've never heard of. Howard said Rip Taylor was in there and he had totally forgotten about him. He said that Kelly Preston should have been in there.

  Howard said he wants to be famous enough to get into them but he doesn't think he'll be in any In Memorium because he wasn't really on TV. Robin said he was on America's Got Talent. Howard said maybe he will get in there then. He said this one woman, HER, he's really impressed with. He said he read up on HER and she's fascinating to watch. He said that it stands for Having Everything Revealed. He said her name is really Gabriella Wilson. He said she was performing on the show and he thinks he would have rather have watched her perform. Robin said that's not what it was for though. She said it was the In Memorium.

  Howard said he was confused by this HER. He said he wasn't sure if she's one of these Them or They people. Robin said then she wouldn't be a HER. Howard said he didn't know. He played some of her performance on the Emmys.

  Howard said she did a Price song on a tribute show for Prince. Howard played some of that performance too.

  Howard said he remembers when she did this she had this dancer going all over the stage when she was doing it. He said he just wants to see her perform and not have the camera going all over the stage. He said if you can play and sing then just keep the camera on that person. He said it drives him crazy. He said things bother him and he has to speak out. Robin said she could have not had that dancer there.

  Howard said he tells his team when grey have a band in there that they should have a musician direct the show. He said they know who to put the camera on. He said the singer might be dancing and they put the camera on the drummer. He said it drives him crazy.

  Howard said when they had Sammy Hagar in there they had Michael Anthony doing a bass line and they cut to his bass. He said that you can't miss that moment. He said it frustrates the audience. He said he doesn't want to see a dancer on stage when a musician is performing. Robins said HER decided she wanted a dancer. Howard said she didn't want that shot like that. He said maybe for a second. He said not the whole song. Robin said she rehearsed that. Howard said she's out of her mind then.

• Old Sperm, Calls And Fan Feedback. 09/23/20. 7:25am
  Howard said he wanted to mention they found a 100 (50) million year old sperm in amber. Robin said this sounds like something that Mark the Bagger would do. She said it must have been people like that. Howard said it was found inside a female crustacean. He said that it must have mated before getting stuck in amber. Howard said the sperm is so big that it's bigger than the crustacean. He said that it must be like the small intestine.

  Howard said they say the sperm is several times longer than the animal itself. He said they say that fruit flies have the same thing. He said their sperm is larger than the fly. Howard said grey called up Debbie the Cum Lady and she likes sperm so much she wants to drink it every day. He said she wants to have High Pitch Erik's sperm.

  Howard said that they asked Debbie if she wants the 100 million year old sperm. Howard played a clip of Debbie talking about how she'd like to try that. She said she would cut it up and save some of it. She said she was thinking about it on her tongue and it was getting her excited. Howard said there you go. He said enjoy your breakfast. He said she's a trip.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that guy Kyle yesterday was out of his mind and he got his top 3 list from a web site. He said he just wanted to point that out. Howard said a lot of fans wrote in about that top 3 bands list. He said Kyle called in asking what he thought the top 3 bands of all time were. He said it was the Beatles, the Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin.

  Howard said he heard from Lars who said he agrees with his choices and views in that discussion. He said Lars was also happy that Avi from Metallica got another name check.

  Gary said that Dr. Demento heard him mention his name and he sent in a list. He has the Beatles, Frank Zappa and Weird Al Yankovic on his list. Howard said Dr. Demento is being funny and doing shtick. He said he loves Weird Al but maybe he's really demented to be called Dr. Demento. He said he teaches classes at UCLA. He said that his friend Dr. Lou went out there to go to school. He said Lou will call him and tell him he should have been a DJ like him. He said he never had to worry about making a living because he was so smart. He said Lou went through this 6 year med school and he told him that Dr. Demento was working there. He said he was going to take some easy courses and that Dr. Demento course was one.

  Howard said Lou told him he wanted to get some relief from his tough courses so he figured he'd go to UCLA to take some easy stuff. He said it was Dr. Demento teaching a class and he wanted to take that. He said Dr. Demento was teaching a course in jazz. He said Lou figured he just had to listen to some records and go home. Howard said it turns out the tests were really hard and he had to study for them. He said it was supposed to be a relief from science and math.

  Howard said Dr. Demento was busting these kid's balls. He said that he tried to find a class that was easy so he took a course in body language. He said he figured he could make anything up but it turns out it was the hardest class he ever took. Robin said she took an art appreciation class and it was the same thing. She said the tests were really hard.

  Howard said Dr. Demento got a masters degree in all kinds of music. Robin said he was a real student of music. Howard said on radio he was just a strange guy. He said he's not screwing around in class. Howard said he would have been interested in a real list, not Weird Al. He said Frank Zappa wasn't in the top 3 either. He said he was a great talk show guest though. He said he was so entertaining he'd move him into his basement to talk to him if he was still around.

  Howard said a lot of fans wrote in about the lists. Many agreed with him about his top 3. He said people thought Jon Hein was nuts saying that Rush is up there. Howard said there were some fans who were upset he left Rush off the list. Howard said they told him to look up their sales. Howard read a bunch of emails about Rush and how people think they're the best band in history. Howard said that's like saying Foreigner is the best band ever. He asked what you're talking about. He said it's just so silly.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to acknowledge that his music knowledge is spot on but there are some great bands in the U.S. that he has to add to that list. Howard asked why. The caller said it's a critical element in the foundation of music. Howard asked who you remove to replace with someone from the U.S. The caller, Dan, said that he'd put the Beach Boys in instead of the Rolling Stones. He said you can't forget them. He said the Grateful Dead too. Howard said they were mediocre. He said the Beach Boys were mediocre too. He said that everyone is afraid to say that but they weren't great. Robin said he wasn't a ground breaker. She said he wrote nice songs for that era. Howard said it doesn't matter anyway. He said this whole thing is so silly. Dan kept mentioning Pet Sounds and how it influenced a lot of people. Howard said it was ground breaking at the time. He said that it was a full sound that grey had never heard of before. He said that it was something they had never heard before but you can't put them in the top 3. He said Van Halen or Aerosmith before the Beach Boys. He said sometimes he likes listening to Van Halen or Aerosmith more than the Rolling Stones. Howard cut himself off and asked what the hell he's doing for a living.

  Howard said stop calling with your opinions. Robin asked if you can listen to ''Round, round get around I get around...'' Howard said no way. He said that he recognizes their greatness but their music is torture to him. He said leave him alone.

  Howard said it's such a silly argument. He said people write in about it. He took a call from a guy who said they're talking the most influential bands of all time. He asked about Black Sabbath. Howard said they're great but not in the top 3. Howard asked if everyone is going to call with the name of a band. Howard said Metallica is great but he's not going to put them in the top 3. He said even Lars agrees with him. He said he loves Pearl Jam and Soundgarden but he's not putting them in the top 3. The caller said he was just going with changing the face of music or creating a genre. Howard said he's got it. He told him to go back to whatever it is he does all day.

  Howard said this is like he's trapped at a party with bad people. He said there are a lot of great bands out there. He said if he signs to do more shows there, no more phone calls. He said he's putting that in his contract.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said the top 3 best guitarists. Howard said he'll save that for another show.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he understands his list. He said he thinks Zeppelin would be number 1 on the list. He said he hears he doesn't like Rush and he has expressed it in the past. He asked what it is that doesn't appeal to him. Howard said he just has a feeling. He said it's how the sound resonates with him. He said it's just a feeling he has. He said he worked at radio stations where they researched the fuck out of what people wanted to listen to. He said he would go to the Program Director in Washington DC and ask why they played so much Rush. He said that they had cards that they had to go through to play songs. He said he could feel the radios turning off when he would play one of their songs. He said he went to the Program Director and asked why so much Rush. He said the Program Director said that they did research and found that when they play Rush people listen. Howard said he didn't care about what Berkhart Abrams said, the radios are turning off. He said the music was soulless and doesn't move you.

  The caller asked about the song Working Man and blah, blah, blah. Howard said he doesn't want to hear about Rush anymore. He said go talk to Eddie Trunk and talk to him about it. He said he'll talk for hours to you about that. He said you'll be so happy talking to Eddie about this. He said leave him out of this.

  Robin said poor Rush did nothing but put out music and for a week or two they're hearing how bad they are. Howard said Geddy Lee and him look alike. He said that he doesn't want to hurt their feelings. He said this was fun for a day. He said that he can't keep doing this. Howard said leave Rush alone. Howard said he doesn't want to hear about the other bands.

• Jackie Stallone Tribute. 09/23/20. 7:50am
  Howard read some feedback about Jackie Stallone. Howard said he did mention she passed on the show yesterday. He said he can do more of an extensive eulogy for her today. He said he can go back into the archives to pull some clips.

  Howard said Jackie ran away from home at 15 and went off to be in the circus. He said she worked with the Flying Wallendas. He said that she came on the show later in life and she had many interesting stories she told them. Howard said she was part of this Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. He said she came in to talk about GLOW on the show once and she was rapping. He played a clip of her rapping on the show.

  Howard said she was a very successful rapper. He said he also mentioned that she was a fitness expert and she did the Silver Foxes with Richard Simmons. He said they had older people on that. Howard played a clip of Jackie in that.

  Howard said Jackie was into this psychic stuff. He said she was a rumpologist and she would read your rear end. He said she did a reading for the staff. He said she told them to sit on a copy machine and she'd read their ass. He said the great thing is that Fred broke the copy machine when he was copying it. Howard played a clip from that day when he talked about Fred breaking the glass on the copy machine.

  Howard said she did a reading on him and predicted that he'd have a son some day. He said he never did. Howard said he doesn't believe in astrology and especially if you're reading his asshole. Howard played a clip from that day when Jackie gave him his reading and predicted the son.

  Howard said the move with psychics is that they tell you all of the predictions they had before.

  Howard said Jackie said her dogs were psychic too. He said she called into the show about a story that they ran in the Enquirer about her psychic dogs. Jackie said that her dogs said that OJ didn't do it. Howard said he believes her dogs said that.

  Howard said Jackie brought the dogs into the studio and they were dressed in ballerina outfits. He said that Jackie and her ex-husband were on the show and they found more material from that. Howard played some of the audio of Jackie and her ex-husband. Howard played a clip of Jackie talking to him about her ex and how he wasn't able to get it up when he was 28 and now he's dating a 19 year old. Howard said she accused him of beating her and Frank Sr. called in and it was crazy. Howard played the audio of Jackie and Frank Sr. going at each other. Jackie was claiming that he beat her and things like that. She said he never supported his kids and then she said fuck you. Howard freaked out that day when she did that.

  Howard said he played these clips yesterday but he found extended clips. Howard played more of the arguments between Jackie and Frank Sr.

  Howard said that was such good radio. He said he loved her whole affect and the way she spoke. He said he loved her outspokenness. He said that she doesn't care if she's on radio, she just let it all hang out.

  Howard said he played this yesterday too. He said this is where Jackie said that Frank Sr. wanted to abort Sylvester. That's where Frank said that her vagina reminded him of an old Genoa salami.

  Howard said that was the greatest. Robin said they were great fights. She said those two could really take it apart.

  Howard said he loved Jackie Stallone. He said he'd take a Jackie on the show any time over the biggest stars in the world. He said she knew how to be on the radio. Robin said she was just being herself. Howard said you put someone on the radio who is a non-professional and they put on a persona. He said she was the same on and off the air. He said she was no phony. He thanked her for all the great appearances. Fred played Crackhead Bob saying ''Thank you for everything.''

  Howard said he has to take a break. He thanked Mugsy jeans for sponsoring the show today. They went to break a short time later.

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• A New George Takei Phony Phone Call. 09/23/20. 8:05am
  During the break they played a ''Cocktober'' commercial, a Ronnie the Limo Driver Fantasies bit, a phony phone call Sal and Richard made to a guy about buying a hood for a mower, a song parody about wearing a mask, a George Takei announcement about wrestling with Brad and Soundgarden's ''Outshined.''

  Howard came back and took a call from Ralph who said he was just thinking of Jackie Stallone and how she was on the radio while Sylvester was huge. He said that she was saying all of this stuff. He said nothing like this was going on with other shows on radio. He said it was wild. Howard said that's why they loved her.

  Howard said what a remembrance from Ralph. He said when you get a slap on the back from Ralph that's something. He said he just summarized exactly what he had just said.

  Howard said he has to play this. He said that they made a George Takei phony phone call to a sports show. Howard said they took drops of George to ask about himself. Howard played the clip and the guys called into this sports show with clips of George who was calling himself Brad. George asked them to weigh in on the debate about Star Wars or Star Trek. The host said he doesn't like ''none of that shit.'' George clips kept asking who their favorite star is from Star Trek. The host said this is a sports show. They kept going with the clips of George asking if he's a fan of George Takei. The host asked if this is George. George said his name is Brad. He said even if he was stuck in a house he still wouldn't call into this show. The host hung up but they called back. The host was freaking out on him and yelling about him sucking George Takei's dick. He asked if he watched the Cowboys game. They had George speaking in Klingon after that rant.

  Howard said that was something. Robin said that this guy kept saying his name wrong even when George pronounced it correctly.

• Has Bigfoot Done It Game. 09/23/20. 8:15am
  Howard said he also wanted to mention Bigfoot. He said some fans are disgusted by him. He read through some feedback about his interview with Wolfie. Howard read some feedback where people were disgusted by Bigfoot and the things he's been talking about.

  Howard said he has a Bigfoot game where they find out if he has done it or not. He said that they know that he's played Russian Roulette. He said that he has his answer which was yes he has. He said they played and no one got shot that day.

  Howard asked if Bigfoot has ever been on a job interview. Robin laughed and said she just imagined what that would be like. She said he had to have been on one. Howard played his answer and Bigfoot said he has. He said the last one he was on didn't go very well.

  Howard asked if Bigfoot has ever robbed a convenience store. Robin asked if that's shoplifting. Howard said it could be anything. Howard played his answer and Bigfoot said no he has never done that.

  Howard asked if Bigfoot has ever written a check. Robin said yes. Howard played his answer and he said he can't read or write so no he hasn't.

  Howard asked if Bigfoot has ever been in a high speech police chase. Howard played his answer and he said he has. Bigfoot said he had the pedal to the floor and didn't know the police were behind him. Howard said they actually let him off with a warning because they knew something was up with him.

  Howard asked if Bigfoot has ever been to a high school prom. Robin asked if he ever went to high school. She said he can't read or write. She said he does have girls. Howard said he's saying no. Robin said she's saying no. Bigfoot's answer was nope, never.

  Howard asked if Bigfoot has ever had children. Robin said oh my god. She said he's had a lot of indiscriminate sex. Howard said sometimes in a guy's ass. Howard said he says yes. Robin said no. Bigfoot said he has 3 out there somewhere. He said he remembers when grey were born but he hasn't seen them since. He said he doesn't care to see them.

  Howard asked if you'd want him around the kids. Robin said she's just sad they don't have a father.

  Howard asked if Bigfoot has ever stolen a car. Robin said yes. Howard played his answer and he said he has.

  Howard asked if Bigfoot has ever been shot at with a gun. Robin said she thinks so. Bigfoot's answer was yes. He said this guy shot over their heads.

  Howard asked if Bigfoot has ever drunk battery acid. Robin said she hopes not. Howard played his answer and he said he has done that. He said he boiled it and drank it. Howard had Wolfie on the phone and asked why he did that. Wolfie said after he did it he blacked out for like 5 hours. He just wanted to see what it would do to him.

  Howard said Wolfie asked Bigfoot about his kids. He played a clip of Wolfie asking when he last saw his kids. Bigfoot said when they were born. Wolfie asked if he saw all 3 or just 1. Bigfoot said just the first one. Bigfoot sounded like he fell asleep during the conversation. Howard asked if he has narcolespy. Wolfie said he thinks that may have been drug related but he's not sure.

  Howard played a clip of Wolfie asking Bigfoot how many times they pulled the trigger during Russian Roulette. Bigfoot said 3 times. Wolfie asked how many people died that day. Bigfoot said no.

  Howard said Wolfie had to end the interview when Bigfoot fell asleep. Bigfoot said he was drowsy. Wolfie said this was about 2 in the afternoon. He said he's not sure how he's alive after hearing the things he's done in his life.

  Howard said that Bigfoot got bored with Russian Roulette. He said stay on that Bigfoot trail. Wolfie said he will.

  Howard said he has to take a quick break and get to Machine Gun Kelly.

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• Machine Gun Kelly Visits. 09/23/20. 8:35am
  During the break they played a Cocktober preview clip, a phony phone call High Pitch Erik made to the Live with Cathi show, a High Pitch Erik song parody, an announcement about Machine Gun Kelly being on the show today and Rage Against the Machine's ''Killing in the Name.''

  Howard came back and said that's a good band there. He said that he bets Machine Gun Kelly likes them. He said he has a new album out called ''Tickets To My Downfall'' and it's coming out on Friday. Howard said they play him a lot on Alt nation there at SiriusXM. He said he was watching the Grammys and saw him and he really liked his performance.

  Howard said it looks like he just woke up. Kelly said he's so hung over. He said he was playing a beer pong tournament with Post Malone. Howard said he likes that guy too. He asked where they met. Kelly said he met him years and years ago. He said that it was at some place like Rob Kardashian's house. Howard said Post Malone's house looks cool. He said he did this Nirvana tribute thing and it was great. He said he didn't know how talented he was. He said when he started playing Nirvana he didn't realize how gifted he was.

  Howard asked Kelly if they wear masks over there. Kelly said it was a professional Beer Pong league so they all have to be tested. He laughed at how crazy that sounds. He said they all get COVID tested. Howard asked how you get in a league like that. Kelly said they have a belt and all of that. Howard asked who won. Kelly said he can't say because it hasn't aired yet. Howard said it's going to be on TV. He didn't know that.

  Howard said he'd watch that on TV. Kelly said that he had to get up early this week a few times and two were to get tested for COVID and one was for Howard Stern.

  Howard said he thought his name was ridiculous. He said a lot of people take on names on radio. Kelly said he actually took that name from a guy on radio and he had to pay a million bucks for it. He said he was known as MGK but then he had to get the Machine Gun Kelly name.

  Howard said he didn't like the radio names. Kelly said he had never heard his real name. He said he did a show with Cameron Crow and he heard his real name then. He said he was known as Machine Gun Kelly all these years. Howard said his real name is Colson. He asked if anyone called him that. Kelly said his aunt did. He said his parents were missionaries. Howard said it sounds like the most disconnected childhood. Kelly said he grew up in Egypt until he was 6. Kelly said his dad was a missionary. Howard said his mom abandoned him and just split. He said his father ran off and he was living on his own. He said that must have been torture for him. Kelly said he knew his father was in Africa. He said his mom ran off so that's what it was. He said that everyone thought his dreams were way too big. He said he was working at Chipotle and people were wondering what happened to the music thing. He said that he didn't know what they wanted. He said he was kind of like dreaming way too big.

  Kelly talked about seeing the movie American Gangster and borrowing a fur coat from his boss. He said he had these big dreams of having a life like that. He said he was never living in his own real world. He said he was always creating stuff. Howard asked if he was the weird kid. Kelly said he was. He said he was super tall and wore the same clothes over and over. He said they didn't fit him.

  Howard said the only other person who had missionary parents was Katy Perry. He said that whole thing seems odd. He said that if your mom splits and your dad runs off then it seems like no one cares about you. Kelly said he did raise himself. Howard said the kids in school don't offer anything because he's the weird kid. Kelly said in Cleveland they don't think you're going to grow up to be anything. Howard said no one believes in anyone.

  Howard asked if he's smoking weed. Kelly said yeah. He said the weed helps with being hung over. Howard asked when he started smoking weed. Kelly said when he was 11. He said his pops was around when he was around that age but he slept for a long time after his mom left. Howard asked if he hated his mom for leaving. Kelly said he did.

  Howard asked if he ever asked what happened to his mother. Kelly said he just started to address that in his life. Howard asked if she's still around. Kelly said he has no idea where she is. Howard said that's fucked up.

  Howard said he read that he was performing at the Apollo when he was young. Kelly said he was like 18 or 19. He said he got this music check and it was $45 for an amateur night.

  Howard asked if he felt really good after being accepted by a black audience. Kelly said he doesn't see color but he was booed before he even started. He said they see him up on stage and don't think he can do anything but he was an anomaly. Howard said even he would have wondered what the fuck that was. Howard said he's sure a black audience was skeptical of a white kid rapping. Howard said it must have been something to win them over. Kelly said everything he's around is so integrated that he doesn't see it like that.

  Howard said he wanted to ask him about that night at the Apollo when he won and how his mom showed up. Kelly asked how he knew that. Howard said he just knew it. He said he had to be asking what the fuck that was. He said now he's in show business and she shows up. He said that's going to throw him to see her. Kelly said he didn't know until after he did the show. He said it was the first time he signed an autograph. He said he did that and people said that they had just met his mom outside. He said that had to be impossible but his manager went out with him and they found her outside. He said that she looks a lot like him and they were shocked that he even had a mom.

  Howard asked if he said anything to her. Kelly said that he said a couple of things but he doesn't remember what they were. He said it was really quick. He said he told his mom to come by a show and she showed up like 5 or 6 years later. He said she dropped off some pictures of him from when he was a child. Howard asked if he thinks she was trying to win him over. Kelly said she does something fancy with her college degrees so she wants nothing from him. Howard asked how you explain all of this. He asked if he's been in therapy at all. Kelly said this is the first year he's ever considered therapy. He said he doesn't really talk about this stuff. He said he doesn't feel like he cares about it but people around him think he should. He said he has to face it sometime.

  Howard said he's been in therapy for 20 years and it saved him. He said he needed it. Kelly said he's at that point. He said that he might have to do it. He said that feels like one piece of therapy until he finds an actual person he can find to make sense of him.

  Howard said it's hard to find someone who can make sense of you. He said you can feel filled with rage and without that you wouldn't be successful but this guy has to be filled with rage. He said his mother left him. He said that he's never gotten to ask her why she did that to him. Kelly said you can't choose your parents. He said maybe he wasn't in the plan for everyone else.

  Howard said he had Pete Davidson on the show and he loves him. Kelly said he loves Pete too. Howard said he got him into rehab when he needed it. Howard said he would be too bitter to be that loving if he was Machine Gun Kelly. Kelly said when you see a guy like Pete he's like a best friend or a little brother. He said that it was like having a sibling. He said that's a dream you have as a single child. He said Pete was that guy to him. Howard said they met on Wild N Out. Kelly said they did. He said they went out for a night on New Orleans and he was the only other guy who smoked weed. He said he took LSD and went out with Pete. He said that he was out of his god damn mind. He said that was what broke it all in. He said Pete and his friend got him a bazooka case as a gift and it was just an awesome time. He said Pete got him into this movie and they picked him up in a car and there was a woman in the van crying over stuff. He said they went up to Syracuse and he had to be there for 2 days. He said they're driving up there and they're all high on mushrooms. He said they're driving and see cars on the side of the road. He said that they bought cars just sitting on the side of the road. He said that he bought a Camaro and they told him he can't drive it that far but he did it anyway.

  Howard said the bonding with Pete was bonding over drugs. Kelly said not really. Howard said there is a bonding there when you do that stuff. Kelly said that's true. Howard said it's like a rite of passage. He said that he did acid on his own when he was younger and he took too much and had a bad trip. He asked if there was some hesitation to put Pete in rehab because he bonded with him over drugs. Kelly said they bond over a deep dark humor more than the drugs. He said they make terribly timed jokes about things that people think are serious.

  Howard said he read that he got up and played celebrity baseball and he hit a home run. Kelly said that he ran faster than the cameras could keep up with him. He said he wishes he could say who gave him the acid because that's the craziest part of the story. He said this person of all people gave him this acid. He said that he held out this Ziploc bag of stuff and he thought it was so random. He said he was the most random person to ever expect to give this stuff out. Howard asked if it was Oprah. Kelly said it's close. He said that he can't say who it was but it was someone like that.

  Howard said back in the day when he did acid it was called Blotter Acid. Kelly said that he did a tour where he committed to dropping acid once a day. He said one time they were near Missouri and they were in a town where you park overnight. He said they had four things in town and they had a saloon and they changed the letters from all you can eat buffet to ''All you can eat Butt.'' He said they went to a gas station from the bus and they had these hover boards. He said everyone had one at the time. He said they were lame but they all thought everyone would be using them. He said his friend had to use one and they were all walking while he did that. He said they heard this voice of a guy asking what was going on. He said this guy was sitting there by a Pizza Hut and he was thinking he was in the future seeing this hoverboard. He said he asked the guy what he was tripping on and he ended up asking for some of it. He said he has this really pure acid he makes and brings it around the country with him.

  Howard said that he's so uptight that he'd never be able to do acid on camera. He said that he'd be too paranoid. Howard said Kelly is like ''I'll just go with it.'' Kelly said let the good times roll. Howard asked if he's worried that things will fuck up his career. Kelly said he's already fucked up his career a bunch of times. He said he just goes with it.

  Howard asked if he thinks that he was cast as Tommy Lee because of that. Kelly said he auditioned for that role 6 times. He said they had told him that he was the only one for the role but they had to do one more reading. He said he got into a car accident on the way there. He said that he figured he'd get the role and pay for it. He said there was another guy auditioning when he got there. Howard asked why it was that he had to do that. Kelly said they went for 3 years trying to get the film made. He said he was going for Nikki the first time. Howard said he was surprised at how good that movie was. He said he thought it was going to be a goof but it was good. He said Kelly did a good job with it.

  Howard said he knew a guy in radio, Jay Thomas, who said he didn't focus on one thing and he should have done that. Howard asked if he ever thinks that he should just do one or the other. Kelly said everyone looks at it that way. He said that he does one thing and they think he has stopped doing the other. He said that he makes music in different genres and they think he stopped doing the other. He said it's a really narrow minded way of looking at things. Howard said you just do whatever draws you in. Kelly said he's just getting past the Van Gough part of the whole thing.

  Howard asked if he hung with Tommy Lee to get into the role. Kelly said he totally did. He said he would just flop the script on his desk and ask if all of this tuff happened. He said that he'd do goofy stuff that he would teach him. Howard said he's like a Jedi Master. He said he could probably write a book just about that. Kelly said he could write a whole book about the making of that movie and how insane it was.

  Howard asked if he felt like doing the movie was like having a family and when it was over it was like losing his family. Kelly said that's a good way to put it. He said it was like that.

  Howard said that he was like that when he finished Private Parts. Kelly said that was such a sick movie. Howard asked if he ever saw the video where Tommy was driving the boat with his cock. Kelly said of course. Howard asked if he taught him how to do that. Kelly said that was probably the first porn that he ever watched. Howard said you can't bring that up to Tommy, right? Kelly said he thinks you always throw it in the conversation. Howard said his dick is always there. Kelly said that he may have told him that was an awesome move with his dick on the boat. Howard said it was crazy what was going on in that video.

  Howard said all of these guys he hangs out with have big dicks. Kelly said he was around for the whole big dick energy thing with Pete. He said he was crashing in their apartment when that was going on. He said that everyone on the streets was looking at them funny. Howard asked if he was shocked that Pete was dating Ariana and all of these beautiful women. He said he's like America's Sex Symbol. He said it must have been mind blowing to him. Kelly said he remembers when the Ari thing happened and he just looked at Pete like the average American dude is proud. He said he was a symbol of hope. He said he's just one of the guys in the basement and he's made it.

  Howard said there was a lot of angry dudes out there who were upset with Pete. He said he would say that he was proud of Pete. He said it gives America hope. Howard said you don't have to be the best looking guy in the room. Kelly said he is a good looking guy. Howard said he is.

  Howard asked what kind of weed he's smoking. Kelly said he just took it out of an ashtray so he has no idea. Howard said weed is so strong now. Kelly said it really is. He said he's not sure what's going on. He said he went to Puerto Rico and smoked the real stuff down there and it was the way it should be. He said it tasted like nature. He said this stuff tastes like Mango and Root Beer. He said this can't be natural. He said it tastes unnatural. He said it's really powerful. He yelled out asking if there's any more of that.

  Howard said he agrees with him that it's too powerful. He said it's like super weed now. He asked if he smokes it all day. Kelly said he smokes maybe 8-10 blunts a day. He said he gets what Howard is saying though. He said he will smoke and see every bad situation happening. Howard asked if he thinks he'll ever stop all drugs. Kelly said the notion is awesome but he has to figurer things out. He said that's a big part of his process. Howard said maybe it dulls his process. He said maybe it can fuck you up. Kelly said he's 10 years into his career and he has more people paying attention to him now than ever.

  Howard said he did a great job with this new album. He said it's not easy to go from rap to rock. He said he did great. He said this is a big decision to start doing a rock album. He said that he's not into rap but he saw him doing this and he said he can't goof on his name anymore. He said that it had to be a big deal to change. He said his management must have said don't fuck this up. Kelly said no one knows what he's doing. He said that rock doesn't exist in mainstream right now so this is part of the renaissance. He said they'll have to see how this goes. He talked about Travis Barker and they worked on this together. He told Howard how they met and he said he smoked a lot of weed with him. He said he smoked so much he got lost for 2 hours.

  Howard said he's always driving but he said he doesn't have a license. Kelly said a judge took his license away. He said he to too many tickets or violations and they took it away. He said if you drive over a certain speed they give you points or something.

  Kelly said the movie Tokyo Drift came out and he borrowed a car and he wanted to do what they did in the movie. He said he took the car and went out to do that and drove past a cop.

  Howard asked if he thinks he has a death wish. Kelly said he doesn't fight it. He said he's afraid lately because he has thing to live for now. He said he has a daughter. He said that's a really good question. He was pausing for really long when he was thinking about that.

  Howard said he didn't know how to be a good parent based on the way he was brought up. He said Kelly has an even worse childhood. He said he went to therapy to try to learn how to be a better parent. He said that Kelly doesn't know how to handle a kid. He said that's a good motivation if you ask him. Kelly said he's kind of learning as he goes. He said this is the first or second time that someone has thrown therapy at him as a suggestion. He said from where he's from you don't think about that. He said he's from Cleveland and you don't think about that. He said you think of it as some pussy shit. Howard said he looked at it that way too.

  Howard said his album Tickets To My Downfall is really good. He said the title song is great. He played some of the title song and said it would be great to be doing some live shows. He said Travis is fun to watch. He said that it must be killing him to be home. Kelly said he is pretty bummed. Howard said they should be out there performing. He said he and Travis have a great energy.

  Howard said he saw him on the VMAs and he figured he's the guy he'd want to watch. He said Travis is really fun to watch on drums. He said it was really impressive. He said congratulations on all of that.

  Howard said his point about the title track is that he's saying that everyone is waiting to see him fail or die so he should sell tickets to it. Kelly said that's exactly what the title means. He said that the Goodyear Blimp is out there in Los Angeles every day but you forget about it until it catches fire or something. He said that you just want to see it crash and burn.

  Howard said it must be tough to love someone and have girlfriend if you think of the world that way. Kelly said after he made the album he fell in love with someone and he's right. He said he wasn't set up to believe that's something that could exist. Howard said up until Megan he wasn't in love. He said that he had feelings but not true love. Kelly said he didn't know it until he and Megan made eye contact. Howard asked if it was love at first sight. Kelly said it was. Howard said he sees him on Daily Mail every day now. Kelly said his house isn't gated so it's really tough because he has no privacy. He said that the Paparazzi is outside every day now.

  Howard asked why he thinks it is that they're so focused on that part of his life. Kelly said he doesn't know. He said their outfits are good maybe. Howard said he did have a cool outfit on the music awards.

  Howard said he was watching that video he did with Camila Cabello. He said that's a cool song. He asked if he wrote that with her. He said he did write all of his own parts. Howard said it's a good hook. He played some of the song. Kelly said that was the first time he ever really tried singing. He said he was in a punk band as a kid and they make you think that you're not a singer. Howard asked if this is a big fuck you to those people. Kelly said yeah.

  Howard asked if he was playing guitar as a kid. Kelly said he did but he was scared away from it so he started rapping. He said he liked DMX and cold relate to him. Howard asked if Eminem was a hero to him. Kelly said for sure. Howard said he would imagine the Beastie Boys too. Kelly said not so much them but yeah.

  Howard asked if it bothers him that he has this feud with this guy Eminem. He said all he said was that his daughter was hot as fuck. He said he didn't say he wanted to fuck her. He said that he wasn't doing it to hurt him or his daughter. He asked if he has that right. Kelly said he doesn't believe in bringing anyone but Eminem into it. He said Howard doesn't have it wrong but it's just weird. He said that he couldn't pay him to care about this issue. Howard said he has been in a million feuds in his life. He said every day of his life he was in a feud. He said sometimes he didn't even know why he was in a feud. He said he was just being a dick. He said he'd go home at night and he was feeling weird about it. He said he heard that Eminem pulled his music off of Shade45. Kelly said it went beyond that to the label and things got really weird. He said there was a lot of funny money going on behind the scenes. Howard said he was part of that mix over there and that's important to his business. He said that he has to be heard. He said being banned is a harsh punishment. Howard said Eminem is so successful and you wouldn't think he'd care that much.

  Kelly said he's all about not being angry. He said he doesn't want to be that guy who is so angry. Howard said maybe he's jealous. Kelly said he's sure that's what it is. He said he's not going to front on the guy about not being talented. He said he's also not his father so shut the fuck up.

  Howard said they have more in common than grey know. He said their upbringings are so fucked up. He said if they got in a room together they could share those stories and they would drop that shit. Howard said maybe he'll get them together and get them smoking weed together and put it on TV and make a lot of money from it.

  Howard asked if he would buy himself a mansion and tuck Megan away if he could. He said he doesn't have that money yet to hide out George Clooney style. Kelly said he doesn't see him ever not being a people guy. He said he loves being out there and being accessible. Howard asked about where he lives. Kelly said he blew up his address because he had a beef with his neighbor who everyone knows about. He said he was his own worst enemy in that.

  Howard asked if he's a good neighbor. Kelly said he's a terrible neighbor. Howard said that's what he figured. He asked if he's loud. Kelly said he is. He said he has an entire motorcycle shop in his garage and they have to test it out at all times of the night. He said you hear them cheering and starting it up at 2 in the morning.

  Howard said he likes peace and quiet at home. He said all of these dudes build motorcycles in his garage. He asked if he likes that. Kelly said he does. He said it's great to hear people and smell the weed smoke. He said one of his neighbors is Terrence J. He said he had a show on BET. He said that two days ago he had a party and he popped over the fence like that show Home improvement. He said that they have that kind of relationship. He said two days ago he had Kevin Durant or whoever over. He said it's a very funny back yard dynamic.

  Kelly said he loves waking up to tour drama. He said one time their lighting guy peed in the refrigerator thinking it was a toilet. He told Howard that story.

  Howard asked if he surfs. Kelly said that he hates sharks. He said he doesn't like leaving that up to chance. He said he and Howard aren't the type to surf. He said he can just tell. Howard said Kelly knows how to skate board though. Kelly said sure. Howard said he won't surf but he'll take acid at a celebrity baseball game. He said it's really weird.

  Howard said that he loves his neighbor dynamic. Kelly said the one neighbor hates him and they always park in front of his bushes. He said that they have a lot of cars in his driveway. Howard asked who this neighbor is. Kelly said that's Jeff Lewis. He said he's an interior designer. Howard didn't know who that was. He asked if he has ever gone over there to talk tot he guy. Kelly said he sent a bottle of Dom over to him on a skate board. He said he's not even sure that's who the guy is. He said his next door neighbor hates him. He said that he's always sitting out there smoking and looking stressed out. He said he's sorry if he's stressing him out.

  Howard asked if he's ever going to move. Kelly said he needs a gate in front of his house at least. Howard asked if he's a millionaire. Kelly said he is. Howard asked if he could move away from there. Kelly said he could but there's a lot of creative spirits in the house. He said people come over and say that the house is haunted. He said it's really creative for him so he likes it. Howard asked if he has seen ghosts in there. Kelly said everyone who comes over says there are ghosts in there. Howard asked if things move around. Kelly said he did see a six pointed star on the floor. He said he was sitting on the floor in a room that there are always noises in and they saw something on the floor. He said it was a six pointed star and it was carved in. He said he went down to touch it and when you touch it the gloss of the floor was over it. He said it wasn't freshly carved. He said he told Megan about it and told her to come check it out. He said he asked her what she thought it meant. He said they came back and it wasn't there anymore. He said the whole floor was clear. Howard asked if he was tripping or anything. Kelly said no.

  Howard asked what drug he said he did that was like Heroin. Kelly said it was Opana. He said he did it once and he'll never do it again. He said it was a pill and it's like heroin. Howard said it's like a quaalude. Kelly said he got one of those too. He said he got one from back in the day. He said that he took it. He said that he propped his phone up and played guitar while he was on it. He said he thought he had tapped into a Kurt Cobain thing he watched the video the next day and his head was just leaning on his guitar and drool was dripping down while he moaned.

  Howard said he must practice guitar every day. He said he doesn't treat it casually. Kelly said his fingers are always bleeding from playing. He said he picked it up at 25 and started again. Howard asked how old he is now. Kelly said he's 30. Howard said he thinks that he's going to marry Megan and Pete will be his best man. Kelly said he's down with that. Howard said don't let that big dick energy around your girl.

  Howard asked what he should call him. Kelly said that Machine would be cool. Howard asked what everyone else calls him. Kelly said that they call him Kel, Gunner, Colson or Cole. He said he likes Machine.

  Howard said that he got an advance copy of his album and he thinks he has something there. He said he's listened to a bunch of it. He played some ''Bloody Valentine.'' Howard asked if he wrote all of these songs. Kelly said he did. He said he worked with Travis on them.

  Howard asked what happened with the cover of the album and why they had to trash them. Kelly said that he's not sure what happened there. He said that there's something weird going on with the album. He said it was supposed to come out in March but COVID hit and they added new songs to it in the last month or two. He said the cover was cool but someone asked if it was going to be a cool cover or not. He said the universe made him redo it so he went into his back yard and did a photo shoot but he hated that. He said the next day L.A. was burning so there was ash dripping from the sky so they reshot that thing in his back yard again. He said he shot that in his pool. He said he shot this picture that looks so cool. He said it's exactly what the album kind of entails.

  Howard asked Kelly about being friends with Mod Sun. Kelly said he's the guy he did the acid with every day on the tour he mentioned earlier. He said he was the one who he wrote Bloody Valentine with. Howard said he was with Bella Thorne. He said he has a lot of cool friends out there. He said he should move out there. He said that he can hang out with all of these people.

  Howard asked if he believes in god. Kelly said he does and he reconnected to him this year. He said god has been talking to him a lot this year. He said his father died and the last time he saw him was at 4:44. He said that this really weird thing happened. He said his album Hotel Diablo came out and he had a line in the album about his father not being there in a year. He said his father died exactly a year from the time he said it would be a year. He said he climbed to a cliff by his girl's house and she took a picture of him from where she was at. He said he was up there at 4:44 and he came back down and looked back up and there was a hawk sitting there where he was at. He said his aunt was close to him and she came to him in weird ways like shooting stars. He said he and Megan were talking and he was telling her about his aunt and he saw a shooting star. He said that's the way she talks to him. He said that they looked up and saw another one. He said then a toad came and sat with them while they ate dinner outside. He said that he was asking it what it was telling him. He said they went back inside and hear a hurricane was coming. He said they ended up talking to this tree and asked for it to move this storm for one more day so he'd have time with this person for one more day. He said that the storm was heading right at them in Puerto Rico. He said he felt like the whole universe was feeling him fighting for love and then the storm passed by them. He said there's this god energy all around them. He said he's sorry that was so long winded.

  Howard said it has to be hard to be with someone in show business because you have to be away from each other for weeks at a time. He said that can kill a relationship. Kelly said it can. Howard said asking for one more day is hard.

  Howard said he was talking about his dad and he wonders why they sang ''Old Man'' together. Kelly said they never related on music at all. He said they drank together because they're both big drinkers. He said his dad was in the hospital for his liver and he drank himself to death basically. He said that he snuck a bottle into the hospital for him. He said he was asking questions about his birth and things like that. He said he wanted to find out about himself. He said he found out he was born with the umbilical cord around his neck. He said they were talking about that and then Neil Young came up and both of them liked Neil Young. He said his dad wasn't much of a rock and roll guy but they played the song on his cell phone and sang it together while drinking whisky. He said he got in his car two days after he passed and he was screaming. He said he figured the spirits must have come. He said Neil Young came on and the radio turned itself up.

  Howard asked if he can listen to that song ever again or is it too painful. Kelly said it makes him feel. Howard said that song is really intense. He said all of his stuff is intense.

  Howard said it's good that he got to reconnect to his dad at the end. Kelly said it would have been great to have him around now with everything going on. Howard said just call him and he'll tell him he did good. He said he has a lot to be proud of. Howard congratulated him on everything.

  Howard said he has to get out there and hang with him and Megan. He said that he has to be in bed by 8 though.

  Howard said this new album is good. He asked if he wants him to play another track. He asked for his favorite. Kelly said ''Forget Me Too'' or maybe ''Lonely.'' He said that one is written in six so it's a cool bounce. Howard played some of that for him.

  Howard said he has to get to therapy. He said he really needs it. He said if he needs it then Kelly needs it. He said don't go to a woman. He said that this kid is good looking so he needs to go to a dude. Robin said he has mother issues too. Howard said he went to a guy because he would have fucked his therapist. Kelly said he's so madly in love that he can't see doing that. Howard told him to just hang in there.

  Robin asked if he has any more tattoos in the works. She said she's seen him without his shirt on. Kelly said he may keep doing his legs. He said he won't do his face. Howard said that's too hard core. He said if he does a movie he can't have that.

  Howard said he had to cover up his tattoos to do that Tommy Lee movie. Kelly said that he did a scene where he walked out of a club and he did this British accent. He said the director was so upset with him. He said that he had to do this tattoo thing for months. He said they had to cover them up every day for 2 months. He said he fell asleep s they had to put them on while he was asleep. He said on one shot you can see how totally off they are. He said he was doing this accent and the director said he'll take that but just shut the fuck up and walk up the stairs. He said he did it and that ended the movie.

  Howard asked Kelly about working with Halsey on the song ''Forget Me Too.'' He asked if they had a plutonic relationship. Kelly didn't know what that meant. Howard asked if they had sex. Kelly said they didn't. Howard played some of the song.

  Howard said he's got a good album there. He said now they have to get out there and tour. He said he has to make some money with this album. Kelly said that he's not that into money. He said he's not sure he'd ever spend it. Howard said he's into cars and motorcycles though. Kelly said he is but those are quick things. He said he just lost 5 or 6 grand in a glove compartment that a valet took. Howard asked why he left that kind of money in there. Kelly said he gave it to Megan to hold and she put it in there. He said it didn't fit in his pants so he gave it to her. He said he went to see if the money was in the glove compartment and it was gone.

  Howard asked if he got mad at her over that. Kelly said it wasn't her fault, it was his. He said that money doesn't mean that much to him. He said he got robbed of millions for the first 8 years of his career so he has sharpened up. Howard asked who fucked him up. Kelly said it was someone in between management and the label. He said he's not out for anyone though. He said he's not bitter. He said it'll come back to them. Howard said he has to get some of that weed he's smoking because he's way chill.

  Howard asked if he has ever been in fist fights. Kelly said all the time. Howard asked where. Kelly said in bars and stuff. He said he has toxic masculinity around him. Howard said he's handsome and that's where it comes from. Kelly said that might be it. He said he wouldn't say that but it might be. He said that he's come out of things so the universe must be watching out for him. He said that he's had professional fighters come at him and he's not afraid. Howard asked when his last fight was. Kelly said at the Roxy sometimes between his sessions for this album. He said this guy knocked a drink out of his hand or something. Howard said it's jealousy.

  Howard asked if he fucked that guy up. Kelly said he watches Harry Potter when it's cold outside. Howard said he gets it. He said he must have fucked that guy up. Howard said he has to hang out with him.

  Howard asked Kelly if he's into feet. Kelly said he is. Howard said that Megan's feet are in his video for Bloody Valentine. He asked where that comes from. Kelly said that it's a beautiful thing. He said en have big, ugly feet and women don't. Howard asked if he ever smells them. Kelly said he likes looking at them. He said that her pheromones must come from some of those places.

  Howard said he has it all going on right now. He said that he made him a fan. He said he was ready to throw down with him but he likes this guy. He said he understands the guys who want to fight with him. He said now they're bros though. He said he wants to come out and hang with him. He said he wants to meet that toad and the tree he was talking to. Howard said he's sitting in his room painting pictures. He said he has to get out and live a little. He told him not to get too crazy with the acid. He said he took too much as a kid and he saw god too.

  Howard said he wants to come out and play beer pong with Post Malone. He said he wants it all. Howard gave him some plugs for the album and said that some people call him Machine, some call him Kelly. He said some even call him Gunner. He said he knew some Machine Gun Kellys in radio. He said he wants to live with Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande. He said he's sitting home doing this dumb show every day.

  Howard said he told Pete to lock that Ariana down. He said he wouldn't even have to be funny anymore. He said he could just hang with her. He said Pete fucked that up. Kelly said he doesn't know about that.

  Howard said the album title is a good one. He said they play his music there on Alt Nation. Howard said they like him there even if Eminem won't play his stuff. He said they will. Howard said they're on it. Howard told him to give Megan his love. He said he must understand. He said keep Pete away from her.

  Howard asked if she's there. Kelly said she is. Howard said now he wants to start a fight with him. He said no wonder he wants to get back to bed. Howard wondered what's going to go down. Kelly said that Macha Lattes and mediative looks. Howard said that and a pre-nap bang. He thanked Kelly for coming on today. He said congratulations on the album because he did a great job. Kelly said it was great to talk to them. Howard said take that Zoom camera with him into bed and let him see what's happening. Kelly was out of there after that.

  Robin said he's another guy who can function on weed. Howard said he can't do that. He said if you want to do drugs go do them but he can't smoke weed.

  Howard said Megan banged him so good that he's talking to trees now. Robin said that's some life he's having. Howard said he's sitting there eating Gardein meatballs and Metamucil. He said he's not complaining though.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's from Cleveland and he wanted to talk to him about the coffee shop that he opened up there. He said that he was going to tell him toe reach out if he wants to talk. Howard said he lives in L.A. now so he doesn't think he'll be doing that. The caller said they can do it with the telecommunications they have now. Howard thanked him for the call.

  Howard said it does make the pandemic tolerable with the technology they have now. Robin wondered what they did back in 1918 when they had the flu. Howard said he's not sure but they must have had carrier pigeons. He said he has to get out of there. He said Chris Rock will be on Monday. He said he's doing Fargo. Gary said that's on FX. Howard said he thought it was Netflix. Howard said Chris will let them know on Monday. He did a plug for Mugsy Jeans.

  Howard said Robin was really into that guy. Robin said he was cute. Howard said he wishes women looked at him like Robin looked at Machine Gun Kelly. Robin said she can see how Megan fell for him at first sight. Fred played a bunch of drops of Robin saying ''fuck me'' and things like that. Howard said they learned a lot today. He said they learned a lot about Robin too. Howard ended the show around 10:40am.

• Thursday Replay Show: Monday Encore. 09/24/20. 7:00am
  Today's replay show was an encore of the full show from Monday. You can read details for all three shows above. Here's what they played today:
  • Emmy Award Discussions. 09/21/20. 7:00am
  • RIP Ruth Bader Ginsburg And King Of All Blacks Thoughts On Various Things. 09/21/20. 7:30am
  • Some Calls And Fan Feedback. 09/21/20. 8:00am
  • Michael Rapaport Attacks JD And Gary. 09/21/20. 8:15am
  • Music Discussions. 09/21/20. 9:20am
  • New Wendy The Slow Adult Phony Phone Call And Game. 09/21/20. 9:35am
  • More Music Talk. 09/21/20. 9:50am
  • Baba Booey Shout Outs And Movie & TV Talk. 09/21/20. 10:00am
  • Howard's Painting And More. 09/21/20. 10:30am

• Friday Replay Show: Tuesday Encore. 09/25/20. 7:00am
  Today's replay show was an encore of Tuesday's full Howard Stern Show. You can read details for all three shows above. Here's what they played today:
  • RIP Jackie Stallone. 09/22/20. 7:00am
  • Top 3 Rock Bands Of All Time. 09/22/20. 7:20am
  • Don't Bother Howard With Stuff. 09/22/20. 8:15am
  • Bigfoot Update. 09/22/20. 8:30am
  • Kanye West Discussions. 09/22/20. 9:00am
    
  • Howard's Work Out And More. 09/22/20. 9:15am
    
  • Howard's Uncertain Future At SiriusXM. 09/22/20. 9:25am
    
  • Staff Update: Sal's Dream About Gary's Brother. 09/22/20. 9:35am