Howard said he had a friend driving into the city yesterday and they were removing mail boxes from the street. He said they were taking away the place where you drop your letter. He said this is going on as they're sitting there on their fat asses. Robin said they're taking the mail counting machines out of the post offices too.
Howard said his buddy Donald has to stop this. He said evidently mail is for liberals. He asked what's happening in this country. He said he orders stuff on Amazon and it doesn't come for 2-3 weeks. He said if this is making America Great he just doesn't get it. Robin said this guy in there is going to do that but not in time for the election. Howard said he's so depressed for his country. He said he's not sure how this isn't a major crime going on now. He said we depend on mail for so many things. He said there should be revolution in the streets. Robin said there were protests in front of that guy's house. Howard said this isn't like Watergate. He said they did that in private. He said this is in the open and they know no one is going to do a thing about it. Howard said he just doesn't get it.
Robin said we used to care but now we sit back and watch it happen. Howard said it's the republican senators who are sitting there letting this happen. He said we're third world now.
Howard said when he was growing up there was this guy who hosted Wonderama and his name was Sonny Fox. He said he loved the guy. He said he loved Sandy Becker too and he was a kid's show host. He said he loved Soupy Sales too. He said Chuck McCann was great too. He said all of these guys did kid's shows.
Howard said he used to send out his radio show tapes to these guys at program directors. He said there was one guy who called himself Sonny Fox and he wasn't the same guy. He said he wondered how you do that. He said he was confused. He said the guy Sonny Fox who worked out of Florida and Philadelphia died at 71. He said he wrote letters to this guy asking him to work at WYSP. He said he remembers trying to get through to him and maybe even knocked on his door trying to get a job down there.
Howard said he was so stupid and naive that he sent this guy a tape right out of college. He said he was like a guy in a mental institution sending the guy the tape. Howard said he heard Sonny died and he wondered if he was the same TV guy. He said he looked it up on the internet and grey say they are the same guy. He said they had it wrong though. He said it wasn't the same guy. He said he looked at pictures of them and they weren't the same guy.
Howard said Sonny maintained a career most of his adult life in radio. He said most guys don't go the distance. He said they burn out and go into another business. He said that most guys get out of the business. He said this Sonny Fox was a radio host and he died at 71. Robin said he was actually 73. Howard said he heard he was working at SiriusXM on the comedy channel. He said he never knew that. He said he could have met him there. He said he just knew he wanted to be that guy when he was starting out.
Howard said the Sonny Fox who hosted Wonderama is 95 and still alive. He said this Sonny Fox was 73 and died. He said he never got to meet the guy but he'd like to hear what he did on his show. He said he asked JD to try to find him a clip.
Howard said he must have had a deep voice for radio. Robin said they say he had a nasal drawl. Howard said his real name was James Warren Rowley.
Howard said maybe the grim reaper got the wrong guy. He said he might have meant to get the Wonderama guy.
Howard said he would like to hear Sonny Fox. He said he was his hero because of this great job he had. He said he just heard his name though. He said he never heard his show. He said he bets he has a ballsy deep voice. He said they also say that Sonny and his co-host had a band and they opened up for known groups. He asked how great that is. Robin said that's pretty good. Howard said think of all of the money they're leaving on the table not going out on tour with Ozzy and Metallica.
Howard asked JD if he was able to find any audio. Gary said he needs about 10 more minutes. Howard asked if he mailed away for it.
Howard said that America's Got Talent gig he had was a cake walk. He said you know you're happening when you have that job. He said you can goof on anyone who was on that show but if they're paying you to sit there and tell people if they have talent or not then you're big. He said Heidi is a beautiful girl but he's not sure what talent she has. He said all she was able to do was talk in his ear and annoy the shit out of him. He said that gig is so easy that even Heidi was able to do it. He said she didn't understand a comedian and how comedy works. He talked about how she would stick to her opinion and not let things go. She talked about how a comedian wasn't funny for kids and not let that go.
Howard said if they're paying you to sit there and judge a show then you're happening. He said he couldn't take the schedule though. He said if he could have judged from home over Zoom he would be fine. Robin said now he'd like that job. Robin asked how they're doing that show. Howard said he's not sure. He doesn't watch because he feels weird about the whole thing. He said once you've been on a show you don't want to see it. He said they paid him a lot of money to do pretty much nothing but it took a lot of hours to do that nothing.
Howard said he was paid to sit next to a gorgeous girl and tell people if they had talent or not. He said there were some things that annoyed him about the show. He said Howie annoyed him when he would monologue for 20 minutes. He said he'd say something and they'd cut it out of the show. He said he learned his lesson.
Robin asked if he saw that Simon Cowell broke his back. Howard said he did. He said he saw he was on an electric bike that goes 95 miles per hour. He said the guy is a scum bag but he doesn't wish him death. He said he hates seeing Howie having to kiss Simon's ass. He said he thinks he calls him boss. He said Simon is hardly the boss there. He said he owns such a small percentage of the show. Robin said you'd think he was the whole thing. Howard said not at all.
Howard said he had to leave that show because he realized that money isn't everything that counts. He said his time was disappearing. He said it was too much time that he was wasting there. He said he had to stop.
Howard said he didn't want to do more bits with Howie, Heidi and Mel B. He said they had too many bits they did back stage. He said he just wanted to stay locked in his room and nap while they did that stuff. He said he hated the shtick.
Howard said he would have given up all of that money just to stay in his room and sleep. He said he felt horrible because they were so nice and sweet over there. He said even NBC was nice to him. He said they all asked him to go to the Snapple suite. He said they would have Howie pop out of a cake for Heidi or something. He said he had to go in there and mix it up with them.
Howard said they asked him to go into that room to get his hair done instead of doing it in his dressing room. He said he didn't want to do it but they insisted so he would do it. He said he'd get his hair hot ironed and it was embarrassing. He said Heidi and Mel would try to do his hair for him and they'd burn his hair. He said then Howie is jumping out of a cake. He said he just wanted to hide in his room. He said he had to get off that show.
Howard said Jason Raff and this woman there were so nice. He said he can't remember her name. He said she was so lovely. He said it was Samantha he thinks. He said he's so bad with names. He said she would come in and talk in that British accent. He said she'd ask him to go out and watch Howie light himself on fire. He said he'd sit there not laughing like Lurch.
Howard said he realized the show was becoming a drag and he turned down the money and got out. Robin said he stopped the traveling. Howard said he asked them why he had to travel and why the people couldn't come to New York instead. He said they changed the whole show for him. He said the first year he did it he was wondering what the fuck he was doing going around the country. He said he didn't need that.
Howard said he pulled into Austin, Texas and they had this SXSW thing going on. He said he had no idea what it was. He said he pulled in and he was so tired. He said he slept for 2 hours yesterday afternoon. He said he's sure he'll be dead soon. He said he's sleeping so much now. He said you remember when your elderly grandfather slept all day and that's like what he's doing now. He said he lays there like a lummox. He said then it takes him 2 hours to wake up.
Howard said in Austin he gets there and all he hears is music playing. He said he was told that's the afternoon concert. He said it's 2 and a half hours long. He said they said it goes on at night too. He said he didn't go there for the music. He said he had to get out of there. He said he was in Texas where they were essentially torturing him. He said he wanted to just sleep. He said he can't be the only one who wants to sleep.
Howard said he wanted to kill himself. He said he wanted to jump out the window being there. He said normally he'd be fucking Heidi or Mel B but he's married and happily married. He said he's on the road not fucking anyone. He asked what the point is.
Howard said he remembers when they decided to do the show from New Jersey and he wanted to stay in New York. He said he couldn't take it.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he really was miserable doing that show. He said the other three loved doing the bits. Howard said he's not putting it down. He said Howie loves to do that stuff and that's fine. He said Heidi he's not sure what she does. He said she looks terrific. Ralph said she was great. Robin said they keep hiring her. Howard said she's gorgeous. He said it's a stretch that she's judging someone's talent. He said she goes to Vegas a lot and sees shows there so she thinks she's a judge.
Ralph said Howard was so miserable. He said everyone was having a party other than Howard. Howard said even Howie asked if he could believe that they were being paid to do that. Howard said he wanted his pay doubled to do it. Howard said they pay you a lot of money. He said he thinks they gave Howie a plane to fly him around. Ralph said they would hop on that plane and fly right out of there.
Howard said when Howie signed his deal he got them to give him a plane to get him to this comedy gigs. He said he got a private plane as his deal. He said Mel B and Heidi didn't get a plane but they would hitch a ride with Howie. He said Mel asked Howie to fly with him and he said sure. He said Howie would tell them when he was leaving and they had to show up on time. He said Mel would show up an hour or two late. He said Howie came to him complaining about it. He said he just told him to leave her. He said he thinks he was afraid of her. He said she was really Scary Spice. He said that she was told to show up on time or he'd leave. Howard said he'd just leave.
Howard said he went to Mel and knocked on the door and told her that Howie was leaving with or without her and she hopped to it. Robin asked if they had the kids on there too. Howard said they had all of their kids at these shoots. He said he was outside waiting for these performers to do their thing and he was outside freezing waiting for them to show up. He said he went to sit in his chair and Heidi's kids were in his chair. He said the kids were sitting and laughing at him that he wasn't able to sit. He said he told them to get out of his chair. He said Heidi is laughing and taking video of him for her social media.
Howard said there was nothing cute about those kids. He said they were just misbehaving. He said he doesn't want to put up with that at work. He said he saw it all.
Ralph said Howie's private plane was anything but private. He said it was full of people. Howard said Howie started flying regular planes to get some privacy.
Howard said he did four years over there and had to get out of it. He said you just sit around waiting for people to do their act. He said the people would kiss his ass because he was a judge. He said he knew that hours of his life were passing him by. He said his wife saw how miserable he was and she told him that he had to get out.
Ralph said it was all of the down time that made him nuts. He said he saw that. He said everyone else was having a party and socializing. He said Howard wanted to get the job done and get out.
Howard said if he was single and banging some of the women there it would have been a party. He said he thinks he would have fucked Ralph if he was single. He said he thinks what did it was when they asked him to get his hair done in that Snapple room. He said he had to get out after that.
Howard said Ralph loved being there. He said he hung up on him because he was being annoying talking under him. He said Ralph loved it though.
Howard said Simon Cowell is on the phone. He took the call from fake Simon who was in the hospital talking about how he should be up and stealing wives in no time. Howard said he saw that he was close to being paralyzed. Simon said the doctors said he'll be fine but Howard's face is in critical condition. He said maybe Howard can come back and he can steal his job again. Howard said he saw they got Kelly Clarkson to fill in for him. He said they would never call him to do it. He said he called the guy out for being a shithead so Simon would never allow it anyway.
Simon had a few more lines about Howard's looks. Howard shot back at him with his own lines about what a scum bag he is. Simon said he cut his face in the fall and lost 2 ounces of Botox in the crash. Howard and Simon went back and forth with a bunch of insults.
Howard said he's had enough. He said bye to Simon. Simon gave him another ''fuck you.'' Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said this was just a publicity stunt. She said they should have paid him more there. Howard said he had enough of that show so he had to get out. He said it didn't have to do with money. Mariann said his cheeks are bigger than his man boobs.
Howard said Mariann sent him a Cameo. He said she bought one from someone. He asked Robin who it was. Robin guessed High Pitch Erik. Howard said it was Dr. Now from My 600 Pound Life. He said he has it to play for her. Mariann said he was so sweet and kind and she loved it. Howard said you can't even understand the guy. He said Mariann got this for him. Mariann said she paid $200 for that. Howard said imagine this cost you 200 bucks. Howard played the clip and Dr. Now was sending him a message for Mariann and wishing him luck.
Howard said for $200 you'd think that he could pre-read the stuff Mariann asked him to say. Mariann said she thought it was so nice. Howard said you can barely understand what he's saying.
Howard said he wouldn't want his doctor doing Cameos. He said he wants him to be professional. He said meanwhile he's doing stomach reduction surgery and he does skin removal surgery and things like that. He said he does that and Cameos. Mariann said that's his specialty. She said he's there from the beginning to the end. Howard said he should be specializing in one thing. He said he's doing Gastric Bypass and doing the skin removal to.
Mariann said he only has 40 more shows left there. She was starting to ramble so Howard hung up on her. He replayed the Dr. Now Cameo and goofed on that. Howard said there must not be such a thing as a bad take with this guy.
Howard said when he started watching My 600 Pound Life they used to have subtitles for this guy. He said he must have gotten upset about it and they stopped the subtitles and now he has no idea what he's saying. Howard said this guy should not be reading. He said the guy is a no bullshit kind of guy. He said he tells these fat people that they're eating too much and he knows it from how much they don't lose. Howard said the fat people say he doesn't know how hard it is to lose weight.
Howard said the guy's office is in a strip mall. Robin said this all sounds so wrong to her. Howard said you should see the walk of shame to his office. He said they put them on a scale they weigh cattle on. He said they have to shower nude in the first 10 minutes and someone has to wipe their ass on camera. Robin said she can't even tune into that show. She said they have them talking to the camera and they're always trying to sit on a couch or chair but they look like they're lying down. Howard said every show is the same. He said it's a fat person talking about the horrible life they've had and why they're overweight. He said they have all been traumatized and they have to eat. He said they're all naked and they can't get on the toilet so they go in a bucket. He said he loves this show. He said then they talk about how their spouse has to towel them down and wipe their asshole. He said one person sat on a toilet and the toilet snapped.
Robin said she saw one show where there were two sisters. Howard said there was one woman who had her forehead getting fat because the fat ran out of places to go. He said that was called the 1000 Pound Sisters. Robin said one had to go somewhere and they weren't able to get her into an empty van. Howard said that's every week.
Howard talked about how the show goes and how the people eat so much. He said he loves the show. He said there's always a 14 day car ride to get to where Dr. Now is. He said he doesn't like watching the men though. He said he skips them and watches the women. He said the obese women have a skinny boyfriend who looks anorexic. He said it's a great show. Howard said the show has been on for 11 seasons now. He said it's a good show.
Howard said he remembers Bubba the Love Sponge telling them how he had to wipe his ass using a stick and a towel to get up in his ass when he was fat. He said he told him he should make a show about that and they actually did one.
Howard found the notes so he just went on with it. He said that Eric the Actor wanted to travel to New York City and he told him that if he wanted to come on the show he had to mail himself to the show. He said he thought that would be funny but Eric didn't want any part of that. Robin said these days they probably wouldn't get Eric in the mail.
Howard said he told Eric another idea was to fly him there with 100 balloons tied to his chair. He said Eric got so mad at him for even suggesting that. He said he thought he was for real. Howard played a voicemail that Eric left for them after that idea was thrown out there. Eric said he could be killed doing that. Howard said he asked him to come in and he'd fly him in the studio and then open a window and let him fly out. Howard said this was an ongoing bit on the show.
Howard said they tried to get Eric to do this and Robin compared the stunt to David Blaine. Howard played a clip from that day when Robin told Eric that he could be like David. Eric told him that was never going to happen.
Robin said David Blaine did take the idea. Howard said the fans would write Eric about it and he hated it until the day he died. He said he was hoping that David would say that he was doing it to remember Eric the Actor. He said David said the movie The Red Balloon is what inspired him. Howard said he believes that. Robin said come on.
Howard said he can't wait to see this stunt. Robin asked if he believes he's really going to do it. Howard said he thinks he will. Robin said it's a trick. Howard said he's a David Blaine fan. Robin said he's doing it on his YouTube channel. Howard said people are making money there. Robin said she didn't know he had a YouTube channel.
Howard said he met Sumner at dinner one night. He said he was pocket change to that guy. Robin said she met him at a tennis match or two. She said he'd show up at the CBS box at the matches. She said he would say hello to her. Howard said he was probably briefed on who was there.
Howard said he would hear stories about Sumner. He said he was with a hooker in a hotel room once and he had to hang with one hand on a ledge to live. He said he got burns on his body. He said he's not sure what the whole story was. Gary said he heard the hooker part of the story but no one was able to prove it. He said he heard another story about having 2 women living with him and his right side was paralyzed so he would have to take his one arm and swing it over on them. He said he really must have wanted to get laid.
Howard said he heard that Sumner didn't get along with his daughters. Gary said he heard that he took two women in and they thought they were going to get all of his money. He said he heard the daughter got in touch with the housekeeper and she found out what they were doing and got the locks changed and got everything back before they could take it from her father.
Robin said she heard a story about how he was offering flight attendants to just touch him for money.
Howard said CBS was suing him and he was going to get fucked if they went to court. He said that they said he went on air and talked about them when he was leaving the company. He said Les Moonves came up with this idea to sue him. He said he went into his office and cried over that. He said he felt really betrayed. He said he did a great job for them and they wanted to fuck him over. He said he was going to fuck with Les so bad to end it and that worked to end the lawsuit.
Howard said he ran into Sumner and he heard Sumner calling his name in this restaurant. He said Sumner wanted to say hello and wish him the best in his new venture on satellite. Howard said it was obvious that he had no clue he was suing him. He said he just walked out. He said he was like fuck this guy and he'll see him in court.
Howard said he has some audio of Sumner talking about how satellite radio won't be successful. He played the clip and Sumner was talking about satellite and Howard's deal and how he doesn't wish them bad luck but he thinks they have a big road before making Sirius successful.
Howard said Mel Karmazin had the last laugh. He said you can see Sumner was obsessed with Mel. Howard said that fuck could have just wished the guy well. He said that he never said he would be back some day. He said he didn't have that much of a dialog. He said fast forward to today and their stock is almost 6 whole dollars. Robin said it has been up there once in a while. Howard said it's just over 6 now. He asked who's laughing now. He said he predicts they'll be $6.50 some day.
Howard said he heard that Sumner was in bad shape. He said that poor guy. He said he just wanted women. He said his daughter was a buzz kill. He said he likes how he's an expert. He said he didn't think XM would be successful. He said he had to be corrected that he went to Sirius.
Robin said she met him and he was with one of his wives but not the original. She said that he was in his late 70s or early 80s by then. She said his wife noticed she was wearing this necklace and she interrupted him and asked where she got it. She said Sumner tried to continue his sentence and the wife told him to shut up because she's talking. Howard said he has to take a break but he has some clips from a Water of Life Symposium where these people like to drink their own urine.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what his three point plan was for Les Moonves. Howard said he can't say what the third thing is. He said the first plan was go talk about Les in a press conference. He said he called that press conference immediately. He said he talked to the news papers and got himself on the David Letterman show. He said he wore the ''I Hate Les Moonves'' shirt and talked about him the whole time. He said the second part was fucking Julie Chen in front of Les. He said he was kidding about that. He said the second part was actually to release some information on Les. He said he's not sure what the second part was. He said the third part was the information he had on him. He said phase three he never got to. He said he told Les he was going to do it and Les must have thought it wasn't worth it. He said he will fuck you back if you fuck with him. He said he's not going to sit back and take it while you're suing him for nothing.
Howard said this stuff was known and he was going to bring someone on the show to talk about it. He said this person was going to come on air and talk about this stuff. He said he let Les know that and then the lawsuit was over. He said he ended it as soon as he knew this was going to happen. He said he was pissed. He said this was all for nothing. He said there was no reason to sue him. He said it was all so dumb.
Howard said he doesn't want to say what it was because it involves someone else who is still alive. He said that he knew Les would cave. He said he started caving after the Letterman thing. He said he just went on TV and talked about what a dick Les was. He said he knew the case would be dropped soon.
Howard said Letterman loved him on his show bashing his boss. He said he was beside himself with glee. He said Les was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He said he didn't think it was going to be that bad but it was.
Howard said he remembers thinking he didn't sound anything like that and he didn't know how he was going to get on radio. He said he would try to sound like that and it didn't work. He said he would walk into stations trying to sound like that and it didn't work.
Howard said he eventually found a job paying him like $4 an hour. He said he was making $96 a week. He said the government was still taking taxes from that. He said the cleaning person there at the station was making more than him. He said he was just about broke. He said his father would yell at him about that. He did his impression of his dad yelling at him about that.
Howard played more of the Sonny Fox clips and talked about the voice lessons he took and how it didn't really help. He said the only place he was able to find was the $4 an hour job.
Howard said he was hopeless. He said he'd go visit these stations and everyone sounded like this guy Sonny Fox. Howard played more audio of Sonny. Howard talked about the guys he interviewed with and how even they had deeper voices than he did. Fred played some clips of High Pitch Erik doing his deep voice to make it sound like that's what Howard sounded like going into those places.
Howard said he would lie about working at WNTN where he only worked for 2 weeks. He said he said he had experience working there even though it was only 2 weeks.
Howard said he is a poster boy for hard work. He said he put in thousands of hours to just sound normal on radio. He said Sonny Fox probably sounded good from day one. Howard played more of Sonny's tapes. He said he wanted to sound like that when he was on radio. He said he wanted to be on radio but he sounded nothing like that.
Howard said he would hang with guys like that. He said this guy at WBLM in Maine was named Jim Jeffries. He said he remembers talking to him up there. He said Jim came out sounding like that. He said he would try to lower his voice and the guy would wonder why he wanted to work there. He said that guy turned him down. He said he wasn't able to get a job in Bangor, Maine.
Howard said Sonny Fox died and it reminded him of his early days. He said he wanted him to hire him but it wasn't in the cards. He said he didn't know he was working there at SiriusXM. Robin said maybe he wasn't there in the city. She said maybe he was in Miami. Howard said he thinks they're having a funeral for him and Mr. Clock will be there. He said the other weird story is that Cousin Brucie was working there and he left SiriusXM at the age of 84 to go work for a radio station. He said he's guessing that someone said they had better get Cousin Brucie there because he represents 50s, 60s and 70s music. He said he was probably being paid too much. Howard said he's just guessing but he probably asked for a new contract and they may have said no. He said when he left there WABC said they would give him a show on their AM station on Saturday nights. He said it'll be called the Cousin Brucie Saturday Night Party. He asked who is going to tune into that? He said he likes Brucie and he said he misses being on AM radio. He said Brucie said he misses doing commercials. Howard said that's like playing football because you like concussions.
Howard said it's like doing a knock against satellite radio. He said Brucie is 84 and went to work at another radio station. Howard said Richard said he saw Brucie's cock and it's huge. He said that's Richard's thing. He said he would go take a peek in the bathroom when he'd see someone famous in there.
Gary said here were partitions in the bathroom so he had to be looking over it. Howard said guys with big dicks love when you see it.
Richard got on and said Brucie was next to him and he just saw it out of the corner of his eye. Howard asked if he went over to him. Richard said he walked over to Brucie. Howard said he can't pee if that happens. Richard said he was thinking he might get to see a famous wiener. He said he saw him shaking his arm real hard like he was doing a whip or lasso and it turns out that's because his dick was so big. He said he was going by the motion of his arm and didn't really see his dick that much.
Howard asked Richard how many dicks he's seen in there. He said he's pee shy and he presses his body into the urinal. He said he ends up peeing all over his pants. He said his dick barely gets out of his fly. Richard said if he saw him in there he'd go right over to him. Howard said this is why he likes quarantine. He said no one sees his dick. He said even in a stall he's nervous. He said he has trouble peeing.
Howard said his father had no problem peeing in public. He said he would get upset with him when he wasn't able to pee. He said he'd be squirming in his seat and his father would yell at him. He said he'd say no one was looking at his cock but there are guys like Richard who do look. Richard said he would love to see his cock. He said he has seen his pubes. Howard said he isn't packing much. He said he has nothing but then he gets hard and he has six inches. Richard said show it to him then. Howard said he's not showing it to anyone but his wife.
Howard said Cousin Brucie is gone from Sirius now. He said he's off to WABC. Howard did his impression of Brucie. He said the guy is 84 and still wants to work. Howard said he has to be out of radio before he's 84. Howard said that guy must love spinning records. Robin said there aren't even records anymore. Howard said he must pre-record it all.
Howard said he took a picture with Brucie once and he put up his fist like it was a fake fight. He said it was so lame. He said he likes the picture though. He said he's not sure he even put his fist up while Brucie did.
Howard said here are a couple of pluses with this pandemic. He said he doesn't have to run that gauntlet of the SiriusXM lobby. He said famous people think you want to talk to them but he doesn't give a shit. He said he hears people call his name and it'll turn out to be someone with some degree of fame. He said they assume he wants to stop and take a picture. He said the publicist will ask him to take a picture. He said he would say he's late for a doctor appointment. Richard said sometimes they'd pull him into their radio show.
Howard asked where Robin is. Robin said she's trying to get back to him. She said that everything went dark there. She said she may have had a brown out or something.
Howard asked Richard how he liked Metallica last week. Richard said it was great. He said he was listening again over the air and it sounded incredible. He said it was amazing. Howard played one of their songs. He said they're really nice guys. Richard said they really are. He said he was able to get a lot out of James who doesn't talk much usually. Howard said that was a lot of fun. He said he likes them so much. Robin said it was great to have a live band back. Howard said it felt like old times. Richard said Lars' drums sounded great. Howard asked what kind of drums he has. Richard said he plays Tama. He said he thinks he had a Gretch kick drum in the studio. Howard said he loves talking to musicians. Howard said he has to take a break and play this urine thing. He asked if Richard heard it. Richard said it's right up his alley but people will be grossed out by it. Howard went to break right after that.
Howard came back and asked what happened to these guys. He said this song was good. He said he thinks they had a follow up that sounded exactly the same. He said this was a good song though. Robin said it's funny that their name was Big Country and their song was ''In a Big Country.'' Howard said that would be like the Beatles first song was ''Beetles are bugs'' or something.
Howard said Bad Company had a song called ''Bad Company.'' Gary said he remembers Alison Steel talking about Bad Company's song Bad Company off their Bad Company album. Howard did that talk up and said he'd be locked up in a mental institution if he did that.
The guys played ''Bad Company'' off of the Bad Company album by Bad Company. Howard talked it up a little bit. Howard said most guys on radio don't care if you know what they're talking about as long as they sound good saying it.
Howard asked Mr. Clock what time it is. Fred played Sour Shoes saying ''Noine'' as Gary Dell'Abate.
Howard said a lot of people wrote in about Metallica and about Sal from last week. He said they liked Sal talking about ''Rush and Roulette'' last week. Howard read some of the comments people had about Sal.
Gary said that his friend told him that his 16 year old son is into the show now and he asked if Sal is that stupid. Howard said you can't write that stuff. He said you can't write ''Rush and Roulette.'' Robin said the best thing was the way he broke it down to teach him. Howard said Sal loves to learn.
Howard played a song parody about Sal and his lack of history knowledge. Howard said that's called ''Don't Know Much.''
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he has to defend his brothers and sisters in the postal service. He said he doesn't like people saying they're hiding mail. He said he worked in a service center and it's a federal offense to hold back mail. Howard said this is actively being done. He said it's not a debate. He said that Trump admits that they're doing this. He said it is going on and there's no question about it. Bobo said they have a US Postal Inspection service. Howard said that doesn't exist anymore. He said they're removing the mail boxes they have on the street. Bobo said the point he wants to make is that the mail in ballot thing is stupid. He said if you're able you go to the polling places. Howard said this fucking guy doesn't get it.
Howard said they're doing this in the open. He said we have a great mail system in this country and it was working great. He said it's being fucked with because of the election. He said he's not sure who is for this no matter who you're voting for. He said they're telling people to go home even if the mail isn't going out. He said there's a tremendous backup of mail. He said it's being done to discredit the election. Robin said they say that absentee ballots are fine but you can't have mail in voting. Howard said this is so fucked up. He said he thought the country was fucked up but now it's really fucked up.
Howard said they could sit and talk about this all day but it's like banging your head into a wall.
Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Underdog about her birthday and what she had planned for it. Underdog said she was hoping to be in a parade that she's in every year and it's not happening this year.
Howard said whenever Shuli calls her he tries to get her to play a game and she always refuses. He said this time she agreed to play. He said the game was asking her if she would go to dinner with her enemy, Howard Stern, or something really horrible.
Howard said Shuli made up ridiculous things and asked her what she would do. Howard had Shuli on to talk about all of this.
Howard played a clip of Shuli asking Underdog if she would rather go to dinner with Howard or someone with Coronavirus. She said neither one. She started to freak out when he said she had to pick one. She said she can't go with either one. Howard said everything is so literal with her. He said she thinks it's real. He said Shuli should have told her it's a hypothetical. Shuli said he's done it so many times with her and she freaks out every time. He said it's like 9/11 with her. Howard said it's just a game. Shuli said that's what he tells her.
Howard said the next choice was Howard or Charles Manson. Underdog said neither one of them. She said Charles Manson died 2 years ago. Howard said she just had to pick one.
Howard said the next one was Howard or a Possum with Rabies. Underdog said neither one again. She said she's not sure if there's a vaccine against rabies. Shuli said she just won't pick Howard over any of these things.
Howard said it's like Sophie's choice and she won't pick one. Shuli said she is so afraid of Howard that she won't pick him. She said she talks about the reality of the other choice. Robin said she has to pick the other one then. Howard said Robin is trying to be rational over there.
Howard said Robin and Shuli know how to play the game. He played another one where Shuli asked Underdog if she would pick Howard or Osama bin Laden. Underdog said that she didn't hear what he said. He had to repeat that. She went with neither one. Robin said they get the same answer every time. Howard said she has no concern that this is boring radio.
Howard said Underdog has her TV on and she has to mute it the middle of the call to hear what he's saying.
Howard said they asked Underdog if she would rather go out with Howard or Satan. She said neither one. Shuli told her she did great with that game. Shuli said he has to end the calls with a giggle from her. Howard said happy birthday to Underdog. He had a song to play with clips of her freaking out and singing. Howard said Shuli has to call her back and ask Howard or a bucket of AIDS blood. He said he loves that every answer was ''neither one.''
Howard said Shuli is clean shaven now. He said he was growing a big beard and he likes this new look after shaving it off. Shuli said his mom called him and he went out and got a hair cut and a shave. Howard sang some quick lines about him looking like Aqualung to the riff from the song of the same name.
Howard asked why Shuli's mom has such power over him. Shuli said he has no idea. He said she called him upset about his look. He said she was really mad. Howard said when he had the beard he looked more edgy. He said he could have used that in his act. He said he had that look. Shuli said now he looks like he's doing a new comic's taxes.
Howard said it's amazing the power a mother has. Shuli said Howard's mother had a problem with his earring. Howard said she did. He did his impression of his mother talking to him about that. He had her talking about how that is her ear. Howard said he did take it out.
Robin said Howard got his ears pierced again and she noticed. Howard said he realized that he can do what he wants. He said she really freaked out about the tattoos. He said he told her that they look cool. She said he was born perfect and he ruined it. Howard said she made him feel like he was killing her. Shuli asked if it ever made him feel bad. Howard said not really.
Howard asked Shuli how old he is. Shuli said he's 45. Howard said some people thought he looked like a funny Fiddler on the Roof kind of guy. He said not many comics look like that. He said he could have come out singing the song from the musical.
Howard said anyone who thinks the Jews run the world, just go watch that Fiddler on the Roof. He said that guy didn't have it good. Howard said Shuli looked like a Jewish Caveman. He said he remembers seeing Fiddler on the Roof and thinking about what a horrible existence that was.
Howard said Shuli had a look going. He said he looked like Sheik Mohammed the Joke Man. Shuli said he did stand up 3 weeks ago for the first time in 6 months. He said they did it outdoors. Howard asked if people need comedy that bad that they'll risk their life. He said that's insane. Robin said it worked for Dave Chappelle.
Shuli said High Pitch Erik showed up. He said he saw a dumpster on fire in the background and it turns out it was Erik throwing out a half lit cigar in the dumpster. He said everywhere he goes it's a disaster. Shuli said Erik was wearing a mask but it was below his nose and it was still barely hanging on.
Shuli told Howard that Erik bought another car. He said he got rid of the rental and bought a second car. Robin asked if he understands they're not investments. Howard said of course he knows that. Howard let Shuli go and moved on to the urine thing.
Howard said they sent Mike Trainor and Memet to this symposium. He got Mike and Memet on to talk about this. Mike said that the people didn't seem that strange until they found out what they were into. Howard said that he expected people who were as dumb as a farm animal. Memet said you'd think they were completely normal people. Mike said they're all vegan and take care of themselves.
Howard said the founder of the event is named King. He said he found pee drinkers from around the country and it's based on some bible verse where they think they're telling you to drink your own pee but it's drinking from your own cistern and own well.
Howard said this woman says drinking her pee cured her glaucoma and Multiple Sclerosis. Howard played the clip and she said that you can choose what it will cure. She said she had MS and she got rid of it by drinking her own water.
Robin asked how they smelled. Memet said you could smell urine on their breath as they spoke. Howard said he likes the music playing the background. Memet said you'd think this was in a street alley but this was in a casino and there was a Barry Manilow concert in the same place that week.
Howard played another clip of a woman talking about how she drinks and rubs urine on her skin. She said that she doesn't call in bathing in it but she rubs it in her skin and in her hair. She said she uses it to brush her teeth and puts it in her eyes.
Mike said they think that it can cure just about anything. Howard played another clip of a woman talking about how she drinks pee and how she's doing something different for herself and she tells her mom that she won't force it on her kids. She said when they're ready to do it she's there for them.
Howard said imagine that Robin's parents were into drinking pee on top of everything else. Robin said she could have gotten them locked up for that.
Howard played a clip of a guy who was talking about how he got introduced to this whole thing. He said a friend talked to him about how he was doing it and how he peed in a cup and said this was for him. He said he took the glass and drank it. He said he went crazy when he saw it. He said that's how he was introduced to it. Memet asked if Howard can imagine staying friends with someone who did that.
Howard asked if the guys learned that the real pros can pee into their own mouth without a cup. Memet said he didn't see them do that.
Howard said this gets worse. He said Robin isn't grossed out yet. Howard played a clip of a guy talking about how he was looking on YouTube to find out how to detoxify his body and he found this urine therapy thing. He said he has gotten rid of virtually every health problem he had. He said he now lives in a 5D world. Howard said this guy also says this urine therapy has a long history. Howard played more of that guy talking about how the cherubs peeing in the fountains in Europe is telling you to drink your own urine.
Howard said this is where it gets really gross. He said a bunch of people drank their urine in front of Memet. He played some audio of the people doing that and saying that they say you are what you eat. One woman said she had some shrimp and it tastes clean to her. Howard asked if she was gulping it down. Memet said that he felt her cup spilling on the floor and he was wearing shorts so it was landing on his legs. He said he was trying to be polite so he didn't say anything to her about it.
Howard said she's gulping that. He asked if she drank the whole cup. Memet said she did. Memet said this was the brownish yellow pee too. He said it wasn't the clear kind of pee. He said they like the morning pee that comes out really dark. Robin asked if they do this all day. Memet said some do but some just drink it in the morning.
Howard said the founder of the group was very passionate about this. He said this guy was very charismatic according to Memet. Howard asked how many people were there. Memet said about 50 were there and that's more than he thought would be there. Howard said that's a good take.
Howard said that King talks about how you should take baths in your own urine. Howard played the clip of King talking about that. He was talking about using it in his eyes instead of Visine and things like that.
Memet said when you hear there's a urine drinking convention you think it's white people but it was 80 percent black. Mike said for some reason this event was heavily African American. He said if you research it on the internet it's a more even mix of people.
Howard said King says the taste of your pee tells you everything you need to know about your body. Howard played a clip of King talking about how your body can tell you everything about your body. He was talking about that like any double talking guy would say.
Howard said this woman showed up with a bottle of 2 year old pee that was almost black. Mike said she was drinking out of a Solo cup and he had to go talk to her. Howard played the clip and the woman was talking about how her pee is brown like Coca Cola. She said it's finer when it's aged like a fine wine. She said that it's coming from within and your past and you get the opportunity to get your stem cells back in your body.
Howard asked what kind of fucking bullshit this is. He asked where she gets that information. Memet said probably on YouTube. Howard said they said the smell was overwhelming. Mike said they were waving the cup under his nose in the next clip.
Howard said this woman is there with her 2 year old piss and King is there with her. Memet said the guy doesn't even flinch. He said this sludge is being poured out and he doesn't flinch. Howard played a clip of the woman pouring that dark pee out and she says it smells earthy. Mike said he smelled it and he wasn't here yet. King said it has a woodsy smell.
Howard asked where Robin went. Robin said she had to go pee with all of this talk of pee. She said she forgot to bring a cup.
Howard said in this clip the King gulps down the woman's 2 year old pee. Howard said this is aged pee that's black. Memet said it's the color of Coca Cola like she said it was. Howard said this is the King drinking it. Howard played a clip and you could hear him gulping it down saying it tastes like seafood.
Howard asked how you don't vomit with that. Robin said if you have to drink the pee it's not much of a scam. She said she would think it was but he's drinking it and talking about how it tastes.
Howard said next the King introduced a woman who pees on grapes and serves them to people. Howard played the clip and the woman talked about how she grows these grapes with her own pee. She said her body tells her what it needs and doesn't need. She said that things don't taste good anymore so it tells you what you need and don't need. She said the grapes she has taste sweeter and better than regular grapes. Howard said Mike actually tried one. Mike said he was trying to be polite. He said that's just fertilizer. He said that it was gross that he ate one. Memet said there was no way he was going to eat one. Mike said it tasted like a good grape to him.
Howard said they converted Mike. Mike said they did. Memet said he won't turn down any food. Mike said this was a year ago.
Howard jokingly said Fred used to shit on his cucumbers and he'd eat them. He said there's nothing wrong with that.
Howard said the things these people are saying doesn't makes sense. Memet said they did look healthy. He said you'd think they'd look really unhealthy. Mike said they have a healthy lifestyle other than the pee and they think it's the pee that's helping.
Howard said these people get up on the stage and talk about what this has done for them. Memet said this was the toughest thing he has ever had to do because he had to be up by the stage and hide his facial expressions. Howard played a clip of the people talking about what this urine thing has done for them.
Howard said this convention went on for 3 days. He said it was just 35 bucks. Mike said you have to bring your own drink to it. Howard said everyone drank their pee when King told them to. Memet said this is the Pee Note speech. Howard played the clip of King talking to his crowd of 50 people about their ''memory water'' and then had everyone drink.
Memet said they will be there again this September in the same casino. He said King doesn't believe that COVID is a real thing. He said one woman brought her daughter to the convention. He said if his dad or mom did that he'd think it would ruin their relationship forever.
Howard said King composed the music they heard earlier. Memet said it's really good. He said it's been stuck in his head ever since he was here. Howard played the song and said it's pretty good.
Howard said he shouldn't have to do this but they contacted a medical professional and Dr. Steve who works there at SiriusXM responded. He played a clip of the doctor saying that's just nuts. He said urine is waste that the body decided it needed to do without. He said there are no studies that were done that says ingesting your own urine is good for you. Howard said he must be trying to get all of the urine for himself.
Howard took a call from Paul Bobo who is a kidney doctor. Paul Bobo said that if your kidneys shut down you have to go on dialysis to get rid of this stuff. He said if you stop peeing you're dead in a week. He said that stuff is what your body needs to get rid of. Paul said you may not be reabsorbing some of those toxins so that's probably how they don't die. He said they need it to get out in the first place.
Howard said it's amazing what's going on in this country. He said people think they know better than doctors and they have no credible information. Paul said if you stop peeing you're dead in a week. Howard said listen to Paul Bobo and don't drink your own urine. He said he once told Fred to eat his diarrhea and he started doing it regularly and now he can't stop.
Memet said that 60 Minuets will probably take this idea and make a big deal out of it. He said they'll probably win an Emmy for it. Howard gave Memet a fake award for his work on this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he worked in a place where this guy asked him for his urine and he would give it to him for some extra money. Howard said there are some freaks out there. He said it could have been a sexual thing or maybe he wanted clean piss for drug tests or something. The caller said the guy paid him to ejaculate in a cup too. He said he did that for a couple extra dollars. He said he would rub it on himself.
Howard said he had a friend who donated to a sperm bank when they were in college. He said that guy was getting ridiculous amounts of money to do that. He said they'd give him like $70 a shot. He said he knew they didn't want his sperm though. He said he thought about the moral issues too. He said he didn't want a lot of kids running around with his sperm. He said if someone asked him to give up his pee or something he would be too freaked out by it. Robin said it's just pee. She said that he'd be out 70 bucks. Howard asked Robin if someone asked her to do it would she do it? Robin said she wouldn't.
Howard asked Memet and Mike if they would do it. They said they might. Howard said if someone said to him that he'd get 40 bucks for a cup of pee he's not sure what he would do. Mike said if they're just drinking it he thinks that's okay.
Howard asked the caller if he ever thought he shouldn't do it. The caller said he was creeped out by it. Howard asked if he's a good looking guy. The caller said he thinks he is. Howard said the guy probably wanted him and his semen. He said he never gets asked to do that kind of thing. He said no one looks at him and says they want his pee.
Memet asked if Howard has ever taken a picture with a fan and they try to use him to promote something. Howard said they have used things he's said on the air but he shuts it down. Memet said they took a picture with him and Mike and now they use it on the web site for this group.
Gary said that a woman took a picture with Howard once and used it on her psychic network ads. He said Ed O'Neill had the same thing happen to him with the same woman.
Howard asked Gary if he remembers his foot fungus. Gary said he still has it and he's thinking about giving it a try now. Howard said try it out and see what happens. Robin said they do say that you should pee on someone who is stung by a jellyfish. Howard said he thought there was an episode of Friends or Seinfeld where someone had to pee on someone. No one confirmed that.
Howard asked Gary to give it a try and see what happens. Gary said he has it on both big toes so he'll see what happens. Howard said this guy says he just pissed on the and it went away. Gary said he really will try it and see what happens.
Howard said Gary is always out in his pool and doesn't leave. He said his toes are marinating in his pool.
Mike said they found a guy online who had eye issues so he pissed in eye goggles and soaked his eyes in urine. Howard said Chuck Berry pissed on a girl and it burned her eyes.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a chemist and your body is expelling toxins so you're just concentrating them each time they come out. He said they're just making it worse and worse. He said it has to be really bad for you. Howard said this is like the Jews for Jesus. He said people want to be special and have super powers. He said they want to be different. He said the Jews for Jesus are way out there. He said the Jews don't believe that Jesus was a thing. He said all of the other bullshit is the same but the Jews are waiting for the Messiah. He said you see these Jews not being noticed so grey can't stand that no one gives a shit about them so they do this Jews for Jesus thing. Gary said he thinks the same thing about flat earthers. He said they just want to be noticed. Robin said she thinks it's people who can't make friends.
Howard said he was reading about hate groups. He said they say that these people aren't necessarily racists but they get into this group where they're accepted and they find people who talk to them. Howard said they spend most of their time doing other things instead of talking about hate. Mike said these people did seem to be pretty close.
Memet said this King guy would be huge if he did something other than the urine. He said he has talent. Mike said it was a fun time there too.
Robin said they say that it may take months of foot soaks to get rid of foot fungus. Howard said this guy said it takes a week. Gary said the guy said he just peed on it. He said he'll give it two weeks and see what happens.
Howard said he was right about Friends. He said Courteney Cox's character gets peed on because of a Jellyfish. Howard said it was a funny episode from what he remembers. He said that Joey tried but he wasn't able to do it so Chandler had to do it.
Howard said good job to the boys. Robin said she read about a guy who soaked his toes in urine and Surfactant to get rid of his toenail fungus. Gary said this is the kind of stuff you find on the internet. Howard said he was grossed out by Gary's nails. He said he was in his pool with these things. Gary said he's tried a lot of things. He said his podiatrist tried an electrical thing that shocks your toes. He said it really hurt and it didn't work. Mike said if the piss works he'll be at this convention next month.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this was disgusting but he wants to see if Gary tries this he should do it on just one toe. He said that way they can find out if it works. Gary said he'll take a picture today and then do it for two weeks and they'll see what they have.
Howard told Gary to show Robin his toes. Gary said hold on. He tried to show Robin. Gary said it's hard to do. He showed it to everyone and they were all grossed out by it. Robin said it's almost off his foot. Gary said he tried to wear just socks around the house at Howard's house and here was no hiding it by the pool. Howard said he saw it in all its glory.
Robin said she's been dreaming about getting together with people and she was dreaming about getting together with Gary and his family. Gary said that's so interesting because every year Robin sends the kids a Christmas gift. He said they kind of know of Robin but don't know her. He said the kids really want to meet her so he was going to invite her over. Robin said she's had 3 or 4 of those dreams. Howard said that's a nightmare. He said he's been there and yelled at the door for Beth to come down so they could go.
Gary said they had a 4 piece music group playing at the house and Howard slammed the door on them because it was too loud. Howard said it was because it was too loud to talk to people. He said they can have a concert or have people talk, not both.
Gary said Howard and Beth showed up at exactly the start for the party. Howard said they eat early so of course they're going to show up on time if the party starts at 7. Howard said he gets there and they have an orchestra playing in the back. Gary said it was just four people. He said they had a Michelin rated chef there. Howard said so what, serve food on time.
Howard said Benjy was there. Fred too. Robin said Artie was there. Gary said Artie showed up late. Howard said at least he had someone to talk to when Artie was there. He said you know Fred. He said he had to talk to Benjy and Fred. Fred said it's not him, it's just Howard. Howard said he loves Fred, don't get him wrong. Howard said he doesn't think Fred is on topic when he talks.
Howard said you go through Gary's house and he has an obsession with microphones and everything is a microphone. He said he has 50 of them around his office. He said he's not even an on air guy. Gary said he has just 3 microphones. Howard said he had radios and microphones all over. Gary said there are just a couple. He said there's really not that much.
Howard said Gary should collect old toothbrushes. He said it shouldn't be microphones. Howard said Gary is giving him a tour of the house and his microphones. He said he was happy to be there but he thinks you just eat and leave. He said he spent a lot of time waiting around. He said each course had a half hour wait. Gary said they did a wine pairing that night. Howard said just give him some wine and food and he's out of there. Gary said it was a windy day that day and the door slammed so he thought he had slammed it. He said he thinks it was the wind.
Gary's son came in and he told him he's on the air. Gary said his son went up to school and came back already. Howard said he just hugged him. Gary said Mary was supposed to talk to him about that. Howard said Lucas was just up there and came back down and gave him a hug and kiss. Gary said he did. Robin asked if he's going or staying. Gary said he's supposed to wear a mask. He said he's going around the block to get a rapid test. Howard said he should go into the bathroom and pee on himself. Gary said he should just suck his own dick.
Howard said this is what he doesn't understand about COVID. He said he believes he should be quarantined. He said that he's not willing to take any risks. He said he loves his kids but they have said they can't see each other because they're not quarantined together. Howard said Gary is quarantined and his son just came back from going up state and he hugs him. He said he doesn't get it. Gary said this is the text she sent him this morning. He said she asked him to wear a mask and to get tested.
Howard asked if Gary is panicked about this. Gary said no. Howard had Lucas get on the microphone. He was wearing a mask this time. Howard asked him why he would come in after going away and hug him hello. Lucas said it was just impulse. He said in his defense the text never went through. Robin said they talked to him last week and he said he knows how to be careful. Lucas said he wasn't thinking. Howard asked why he's back already. Lucas said he has to pick up a U-Haul and get the rest of his stuff. He said he's going for it. He said he is pretty freaked out. He said he get there and there were a bunch of shirtless guys playing beer pong. Howard said he could have it right now and he could have given his father COVID. He said he's no spring chicken. Lucas said he wasn't thinking and he's sorry. Howard said coming soon is Gary's obituary. Howard said there are a lot of people who aren't following the rules. Gary said Mary is nervous too. He said grey just had this discussion this morning.
Lucas said he has no excuse. He said he just came in and saw his dad and he wanted to hug him. Howard said Gary just coughed. Gary said nothing is going on. He didn't cough. Howard said Gary is a great dad and everyone wants to hug him. Robin said she never wanted to hug her dad like that. Lucas said he was a great dad. Howard told Lucas to go get a test. Lucas said he can't believe he just did that. Howard said Lucas is a young guy and he has to think about his dad being older. Lucas said he agrees with him and he apologized to Gary. He said he will write him a very good eulogy with those hands. He said wear a mask and don't be an idiot like him. Gary said that he doesn't like what happened but his son is on his way to get a test.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this sounds like such a pain in the ass with Howard not wanting to be with people. Howard said he doesn't have friends really and he doesn't like to spend time at someone's house. He said it's inconsiderate to have people over and not serve them in a timely manner. Robin said it sounds like Gary was trying to make it a nice night. Howard said it started too late. He said have people come at 6 instead of 7. The caller was laughing at him. Howard said he can't spend 17 hours at Gary's house waiting for dinner.
Gary asked if he could spend 3 hours with Billy Joel. Howard said Billy has been over to his house and he has told him he likes coming over because they're in and out in an hour. He said that they have the food out when he gets there. He said they get things going immediately. He said they spend an hour together and they're out of there. He said that's it.
Gary asked Howard how much time he spent out at dinner with Jerry Seinfeld earlier this year. Howard said they placed their order before talking. He said they didn't spend a lot of time out to dinner. He said they told the waiter not to wait around and get things done quickly for them.
Gary said this sounds like what he complains about when he says his father did this to him as a child. Howard said it is. He said he has become his father. He said it was miserable growing up like that.
Robin said she knows Howard's quirks and she works around them. She said she had him over and had food waiting for him at the door.
Howard said when he has a Christmas party for these guys they have food and drinks ready to go as soon as they come in. He said he's been to people's houses and they have nothing but nuts for food when he gets there. He said then you get talked out before dinner and you're stuck at a table with people.
Gary said they talked about this on the Wrap Up Show a couple of weeks ago. He said he complains about no one talking to him at a party but he says he doesn't want to talk to people. Howard said he wants to have conversation but while he's eating. He said he doesn't want to stick around. He said he wants to condense his fun. He said they must have things they want to do. He said he can't be the only crazy one.
Gary said he and Robin went to Amsterdam and they went to a restaurant and spent about 4 hours there. Howard asked why they would wanted to do that so long. He said he's not going to sit there that long. He said Gary's house was like that. He said it took so long for the food. Gary said they started at 6 and by 9 Howard was done. Howard said he had to drive home. He said it was at least and hour drive home. Robin said he didn't even have to drive. She said he could sleep in the car.
Gary said people didn't sit next to Howard that one day because no one wanted to be the person who ruined his lunch. Howard said he enjoys talking to people but just for a limited time.
Howard said he is happy to talk but at the right time. Gary asked how they know when the right time is. Howard said within the course of the evening. Robin said yes dad. She said no one knows when to talk to him just like he didn't know when to talk to his dad.
Howard said it would have been nice if Gary's house was 2 hours and not 5. Gary said it was just 3. Howard said he just wanted to get out of there. He said he cut that symphony short too. Gary said it was suddenly Hoard's party. He said he didn't need to be involved anymore. Howard said Gary didn't need to be involved.
Fred played some orchestral music and then played a slamming door sound and cut the music off.
Gary said he doesn't want to put Fred on the spot but did he feel the night was going too slow. Howard asked why he'd put him on the spot. Fred said Howard has a different way of doing things. Howard said Fred is the first one to leave at the Christmas parties. He said he's not that different from him.
Howard said when he was at Gary's it felt like a kidnapping. He said he felt like a hostage. Fred did his Gary Puppet thing and had him calling out for Lucas. Howard said he's a good kid but they have to talk to him about that stuff. Gary said he thought they did. He said he didn't know he was going to be there. Gary Puppet said Lucas is the sweetest super spreader.
Howard said Gary's house was very nice. He said the party was fine. Howard said he felt like he was in that movie 365 Days being at Gary's house. He said they should get out of there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that story never gets old. He said he knows he thinks COVID-19 is everywhere but the world is still spinning and people are out doing what they have to do. He said people are working at the grocery stores and things like that. He said he's got a kid going to school in Florida. He said he's nervous but the world still spins. Howard said all he's saying is that Lucas should have been wearing a mask and not expose the family. He said of course people are working but they're taking precautions. Howard said COVID-19 is everywhere. The caller said of course you have to wear a mask. He said you can tell kids things but it goes in one ear and out the other. Howard said you have to have a talk with the kids about this. He said the world was spinning during the bubonic plague too. He said the question is if you're going to be in this world or not after it's over.
Gary said in the news there were stories about going back to school and how this stuff is spreading.
Howard said some people are so lax about this whole thing and they've given up. He said that's what he's saying. He said he had fun at Gary's house and he's just saying that it could have been 3 hours shorter. Gary said that would have been zero time. Howard said Robin would have been annoyed too. Gary said she would have loved it.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that caller was an idiot. He said that's a cavalier attitude. He said Lucas is a good kid and appears intelligent. He asked why intelligent people are being so stupid. Howard said they already went over that. He said they had a full show today. He said his whole life just passed in front of his eyes. He wished Gary luck with the toe fungus. He said let them know how it goes. Gary said he will.
Howard said as long as he's talking about piss he heard that Will Murray peed all over his bed the other night. Will got on and said he was dreaming of peeing and he actually peed in the bed. He said his wife was in the bed and they had to change the sheets. Howard said he has had that feeling but he's never done that. Will said he has no idea what happened but he hasn't done it since. He said they had a plastic covering under the sheets so they lucked out there. Gary said the best part is that they changed he sheets and then the wife told the kids the next day. Howard said he can't believe that. He said he should look into it. Will said if it happens again he will.
Howard wrapped up and got in a plug for Zip Recruiter who sponsored the show today. He ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started the show asking what they want to do first thing this morning. He asked if Robin wants a phony phone call. She was all for it. Howard said they're going to talk to George Takei from his home where he's in quarantine. He said they're going to see the nude painting of Brad that George has talked about before. He said this was when Brad was a thinner man. Robin asked where it is. Howard said it's over his bed. Robin laughed. Howard said he's being serious. He said he saw a preview of it and it is a nude painting.
Howard did his George Takei impression and Fred played some clips of George's laugh. Howard had George talking about how Brad got out of shape over the years. He talked about him being like a race horse when he met him.
Gary asked if Howard wants to show this painting to Robin now or later. Howard said they video taped it so they can see it live since George can't figure out how to get it on his camera when he calls in. Howard said it's odd looking at the painting because Brad is nude and he looks pretty hairy and swarthy. Robin asked if they are golden hairs. Howard said he looks like a baby walrus. He said he has dark hair. Robin said George used to talk about his fine hair. Howard said he was talking about his camp counselor. He was talking about all of this in his George Takei impression.
Howard had George talking about how Brad is a swarthy Greek looking thing. He said they'll also get to see George's Kyoto that he puts on before wrestling Brad. Robin asked what he's talking about. Howard said it's actually a Yukata, not a Kyoto. He said this allows him to have maximum movement when he wrestles.
Howard said George also has a Sulu shirt where he's got his captain rank. He said they have a bunch of things to show today. He said he's ruining it by talking about it now. Robin said that was all fake stuff on that fake TV show. Howard did his George voice talking about his time on Star Trek and how they gave him a promotion to captain. Howard said he told him that he got booted off the Enterprise after that promotion so that wasn't good for his character. Howard said they promoted him and then Sulu was barely in the movie.
Howard said he remembers that Star Trek movie too. He said they flash to him as captain and then you never see him in the movie again. He said George was happy about that promotion. Robin said Bill didn't want him to be captain. Howard said they say he's going to be Admiral in the next movie and he won't be in it at all. He said that's like if he got out of radio in the movie Private Parts.
Howard said they're going to talk to George today. He said they haven't checked in with him lately so they'll be doing that today. Robin said he's getting up there in age so he has to be careful. Howard said he's 83 now.
Howard said Chris Harrison from The Bachelor is a good guy from what he can see. He said that he has this job and he has it made with that job. He said Chris won the TV host lottery. He said hosting America's Got Talent requires more hours than that show. He said all he says for the whole season is about 5 lines. Howard went over those 5 lines and said he barely does anything on the show. Robin said he's on for about 20 minutes the whole season.
Howard said this guy won the TV host lottery. He said the greeter at Walmart has a more complex job. Howard said as a guy in radio he sees cush jobs like that and he thinks about how if you're lucky enough to get one like that you're lucky. He said he thinks about Chris Booker. He said Chris wanted to get a show like America's Got Talent or American Idol. He said that's like heaven. He said they don't get into announcing to work hard. He said they want an easy job.
Howard said this guy Chris Harrison was told they figured out how to do The Bachelor for the next season. He said they were going to quarantine everyone and it'll all take place in the house. He said they wanted Chris to do that quarantine thing with everyone. He said they had it all figured out. He said no one leaves until love happens.
Howard said Chris Harrison's son is going to college. He said he went to college himself and his father paid for it and he was grateful. He said Chris drove his son to college and he moved him in. He said his father came to visit him once a year instead of driving him there. He said Chris went up to this school and he's probably around all of the kids. He said they told him at the Bachelor that they have quarantined everyone and he can't be there for the taping now. He said he had to be tested and be in isolation for 14 days. He said imagine if he's the guy who spreads it there. He said this dummy blew it. He said now he's sitting it out.
Howard said they took this girl JoJo to host the show while Chris isn't there. He said they tape the whole season in a couple of weeks so he may miss most of the show. Howard said he was taught never to take vacations because you can lose your job. He said this girl is going to do as good a job as Chris and he's going to lose his job.
Howard said that Chris' kid goes to school in Texas where there are hot spots of COVID-19. He said use your fucking head. He said he could have lost his gig because of that.
Howard said it would be great if JoJo is better at hosting than Chris. He said what a dummy. He said his wife could have driven his kid to school. He said he has a gig and he could have told the kid that. Howard said his father didn't drive him to college. He said he drove himself.
Howard asked why you're sending your kid to go to school in Texas. He said he's going to get COVID. Howard said he knows a guy who is doing home schooling. He said his friend is home and the wife watches the kids and she's like thank god the kids have school now. Howard said they have Zoom school. He said the first day she goes into the kitchen to make food or something. He said the daughter is in second grade and the mom tells her to sit there on Zoom. He said the kid runs off and goes into the pool. He said she's not even supposed to be in the pool unattended.
Howard said he heard about the Democratic National Convention speeches. He said he was busy watching a movie with Josh Duhamel and Leslie Bibb in it. He said they loved it. He said they love movies like that. Robin said the Hallmark channel makes horrible movies like that. She said he'd love every one of them. Howard said they saw a Mandy Moore movie that was great too. He told Robin about that. He said it was called ''A Walk to Remember.''
Howard said he was watching that Josh Duhamel movie and missed the Democratic National Convention stuff. He said Josh was married to that Fergie. He wondered what happened to her. He said she's so talented. He said she wasn't a good announcer but she's a great performer. He said he saw her on New Year's Rockin' Eve and she wasn't that great. He said you have to be careful with the gigs you take.
Howard said the Netflix Movie was called ''The Lost Husband.'' He said Beth told him not to tell anyone they watched it. Robin said no one listening is going to watch that. Howard said the young ladies might.
Howard said he might have watched the Democratic National Convention but he didn't know it was on. He said he watched Governor Cuomo's speech this morning. Robin said she wondered why he's not the candidate. Howard said the guy is an intelligent guy. He said he has no lack of vocabulary. He said he just loves that guy. He didn't watch the convention but it's hardly a convention. He said they're ripping out the mailboxes so we can't vote and they have to do the convention from their bedrooms. He said it's just crazy.
Robin said the other thing is that the guy says he's slowing down the mail but then he says he wants to make the post office great. Howard said he saw Cuomo saying it's possible to get rid of COVID. He said they wear masks and you can reduce the virus and get it under control. He said 5 people must have watched this speech. He said everyone must be watching Netflix instead.
Howard said he has a phony phone call to play. Robin said before they do that she wanted to talk about The Bachelor. She said she wants to know what's going on with The Bachelorette. Howard said she was someone he wasn't that excited about. He said they chose her before COVID. He said she has been on the show before and she went out and dated and fell in love and left the show. He said she was out in the first 2 weeks. He said this was an opportunity for diversity so now they have this black woman on the show. Robin said she heard something was going on and she wasn't able to tell what it was. Howard said now there's diversity there. Robin asked if we only have black and white people in this country. Howard said evidently yes.
Howard said they called a religious radio show and they're all upset about COVID-19 interfering with their rights. Howard said here's the call. He played the call where the guys called in as Ralph who brought up the COVID-19 thing and how they're being told what they can do. The host said they're trying to control us. ''Ralph'' was going crazy over the rules they're supposed to follow. He said no government is going to tell him what he can and can't do. He said he wants to go to his local gay bar and make out with his boyfriend and that's what he's going to do. He said open the schools, bars and bath houses. The host said that's where he draws the line. ''Ralph'' also said that he wants to continue his transition to a woman so open up the elective surgeries. The host wasn't happy about that either. He wondered what they were trying to do. He said he rebukes Satan and casts him out. He said leave this place. They said they had to reset and come back after a break.
Howard said he loves that. He said he liked that the caller's name was Ralph. Robin said the guy was so happy he had a caller he could sympathize with. Howard said you know it's a shitty show when they're excited they have a caller. Howard said he has to take a break and then get to more. He said they have a lot to get to today.
Howard came back and said he really misses the person in charge of his hot water. Robin said it seems to be a problem. Howard said he likes to boil his water and he did that out there. He said he looked in his cup and he's had it in there a while so there was sediment in it. He said now he doesn't have any water. He said he ran out to get a bottle of water and he wasn't able to heat it up. He said he's running the whole thing himself now.
Howard said everything he's handling is being mishandled. He said he needs people to help. He said he should have cleaned that pot out. He said he wishes Beth would do it but he can't load her up with more stuff. Robin said he could just rinse the thing out himself. Howard said he's not going to do it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his family had two parties. He said one was for a 90 year old and one was for a 22 year old. He said no one was required to wear a mask. He said for the 22 year old everyone had to wear a mask but no one at the 90 year old party did. He said he's not sure what kind of sense that makes.
Howard said there is a plague happening and he has friends who laugh at them for quarantining. He said the call up asking if they're still not seeing anyone. Howard said they want to stay alive and not get sick. He said he knows some people have no symptoms and some get it really bad. He said that they're not willing to play ''Rush and Roulette'' (like Sal called it). Howard said people are so out of control and he's not sure what it is. He said the heat must be melting people's brains. He said you can't have parties. He said parties are a thing of the past. He said they blow.
Howard said people are like children. He said imagine dying for a shitty birthday party. He said people say they need their freedom. He said they'll have it if we just get this thing under control. Robin said some people think this is going to go away after the election. Howard said if Trump wins he's going to go on saying this is just bullshit. He said Biden is going to have to hunker down and have a talk with the country and get this thing under control and beat this war.
Howard took a call from Pocket who said that he hasn't hugged his dad in 6 months. Howard said that's right. Pocket said his dad doesn't get a ton of affection. Robin said sure but he's alive. Pocket said he's following the rules.
Howard said a year or two ago they started tracking how many times people call in. He said Pocket has called in 1073 times. He said it means he has called into the show over 1000 times. He said the big winner isn't Bobo there. He said it's actually Mike from Maine. He said he has 2330 calls to the show.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine and told him how many times he's called. Mike said he didn't know it was that high. Howard told him to get a life. Howard said Bobo has 1592 calls. Mike asked about Apples. Howard said he's not sure.
Beth came in and Howard tried to talk to her but she was on her way out already. Howard said they should talk about the movie they watched. He said they already brought it up. Beth said she liked the Mandy Moore movie better. Howard said Beth is hiding behind a curtain. He said she's wearing a tittie top. Beth said it's a night shirt. Howard asked if it's bang o'clock today. Beth said sure. Howard said he's going to get laid today. Howard said he's so excited.
Howard said look at his hot water. He showed Beth how gross it was. Howard told her not to get him a new one. He said don't worry about it. Beth said no one is washing that pot. Howard said he'll wash it later. He said she gets disgusted that he doesn't clean anything.
Mike said that most people wait to get out of office before asking to be on a monument. Howard told him to hold on. He said he'll take care of the pot. He said she does everything around there. Howard said he's in charge of his own hot water. He said she's going to clean it. He said she'll resent him now.
Beth said she already cleaned out the pot. She said it's filthy down there. She was asking what things were on the floor. She said there's dirt on the floor. Howard said he's going to clean it today. Beth said she's going to clean it. Howard said it's just paper. Howard said he's going to clean it. He said he has a cleaning regimen. He said he'll take care of it. Beth was saying ''Oh my god'' when she saw what was on the floor there. Howard said now the place will get cleaned. He said he'll take care of it.
Howard asked Beth not to do all of this. He said this is good that he's saying this. He said he's embarrassed that the studio is so dirty. He said if he could just get her to dust the studio. He said maybe she can do the show and he'll go upstairs. Robin said Howard can take care of the cats.
Howard said Beth cleans out the litter box and the cats run right in to take a shit or piss. He said they should give it a few minutes.
Howard asked Mike what he was saying. Mike said he was talking about the president asking to get a monument and saying he thinks he belongs on Mt. Rushmore. He said he's an egomaniac and no one ever criticizes him.
Beth came back and asked where the thermos is. Howard said it's upstairs. Beth saw a hair on a toothpick and it was upsetting her. She said it's filthy back there. Howard said he'll clean it. He said it would be upsetting if she came down to clean in there. Beth laughed and said she'll do it later.
Howard said he uses the best toothpicks. He said they're called Doctors Brush Picks. He said they're plastic and he saves them to put in the recycle. Robin said he doesn't take them away and leaves they laying around. Howard said he does so he can bring them up to put in recycle. Robin said he needs a recycle bin there. Howard said he does. Howard said tell Beth to get that. He said he's so lazy that he doesn't want to get one. He said he'll ask Beth for one but she will wonder why she's getting involved. He said it turns into a whole thing and then he doesn't have ''bang o'clock.'' He said he tried to get it yesterday and she said no. He said it was the end of her period and she said no.
Howard said he wants bang o'clock now. He said he's all for it even if she's ending her period. He said the other day Beth told him no bang o'clock. He said he jerked off one day so he had a couple of days to build up some steam. He said he's at the age where he has to do that. He said it sure frees up a lot of time. He said he beat off 2 days ago and he's ready to go today. He said he's all set.
Howard said he's going to clean the studio after the show is over. He said he's going to get the vacuum and clean up. Robin said get a waste basket too. Howard said Beth hates his toothpicks. He said it's gross to see them laying around. He said he doesn't want some bird to choke on his toothpick. Robin asked what that bag is over there. Howard said that's what he puts his trash in. He said he puts paper in there. He said he waits until it's full so he can bring it up. He said who cares what it looks like while they're in quarantine.
Robin said she has a bin in her room and she puts her stuff in that. Howard said he has a bin too. Robin said he could empty it. Howard said he can't believe he has to do all of this shit. He said he has to be free to do his art. He said he can't be encumbered to clean.
Mike asked if he's not taking Speech Impediment Man's calls because he's a right wing guy or because his calls aren't good. Howard said he hasn't called as far as he knows. He said he doesn't know that he's right wing. He said he has a bunch of people waiting to get on the air and he doesn't see his calls. Howard said he's not avoiding him. He said he's a good caller. He said he doesn't give a shit who he votes for. He said that doesn't bother him. He said there are a lot of people who are for Trump, who cares? He said he takes Bobo's calls all the time and he's a Trump supporter.
Mike said Speech Impediment Man will post a fake news story even though he hates ''fake news.'' He said he will post a story from a parody web site and think it's real news. Howard said he can't get to everyone who calls in so he's not avoiding his calls. Howard asked why Mike is so obsessed with the guy. Mike said he just finds him interesting and his calls aren't getting through anymore. Howard said he's a bozo. He said he's not avoiding his calls. He said he forgot about Speech Impediment Man until Mike brought him up. He said he doesn't spend his days thinking about you guys.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if he's still on the Peloton. Howard said yes. The caller said she just got one and she likes Jenn like Howard does. Howard said he's on Peloton and takes classes from Hannah Corbin and Jenn. He said that Hannah is a good teacher like Jenn is. He said she's super hot and she won't lower her pants to show her belly button. He said she wears a tittie top but won't show her belly button. He said she has work out pants on but they're pulled up high. He said they must have a rule there about the belly button.
Howard said this Hannah keeps telling everyone that she's a professional dancer. Howard asked where she's dancing. He said he'd like to see her dance. He said maybe she shows her belly button there. Howard said she gets on and dances around and it's not an easy thing to do. He said she's dancing around and then she starts laughing because it's ridiculous. He said she wants to have a shtick so she dances on the bike. He said he thinks dancers are great in bed. He said she's a good teacher. He said she tells you how to have better posture and things like that. He said he burned like 500 calories the other day. He said he was satisfied with that. He said he burned off a whole bagel. He said then he goes and eats like a horse. He said he eats dried figs. He said Beth keeps getting them. He said they come from Turkey. He said they're 50 calories for just one. He said he pops them in like candy. He said there goes his 500 calorie loss.
Howard said he likes Hannah Corbin. He said they must have teleprompters for them to read off of. He said they say the same thing every time. He said he wishes they would just talk. He said she could get on and say she's married and has no desire to touch any of the sweaty fucks who are in her class. He said she could tell everyone that she's not going to fuck anyone in the audience so get over it.
Gary said he knows he's a gross and fat man but every time he takes her ride he thinks that she's eye fucking him. He said he feels like she's flirting with him. Howard said she does have that look. He said he gets that too. He said she's coming on to him. Howard said Hannah is from Portland, Oregon. He said she is a ballet dancer. He said that's what he should be doing. He said his mother wanted him to do ballet. He said he was such a douche. He said that would have been a great place to score. Howard said his sister too lessons and his mother told him to do it. He said he was already an outcast though. He said his sister loved it. He said everyone would think he was gay if he took that class. He said his mother asked what's wrong with that. He said she was right and he should have taken those classes. Robin said the straight dancers get all the girls. Howard said maybe he would have been good at it.
Howard read more about what Hannah has done with her dancing career. Howard said he's never heard of any of this. Robin said she recognizes some of that. She said that it's not a huge profession. Howard said they say she was on E! too. He said he started E! and he should tell her that. He said she's been on a bunch of shows. He said that all sounds impressive.
Howard said you get that bike and you get a lot of lessons. He said he doesn't take any with dudes. He said he's not interested. He said it's just Jenn and Hannah though. He said a lot of the women are British and they mumble so he can't watch. He said he can't hear them so he has to turn the volume up.
Howard said she should just change her name to Ellen Dice Clay and go out and do her thing. Howard said he was doing a funny rap about the whole thing. He said JD sent him a news story from E! where they were debating his advice to Ellen. Robin said they're like the CNN of show business. Howard said he has audio to play. He said the women got it all wrong.
Howard played the clip and they played audio of Howard talking about how she should continue to be a prick. The three women discussed that clip and got it all wrong. They didn't get that he was joking in the clip. The women were talking about the tough place Ellen is in and how she will have to repent for what she did.
Howard said he wanted to call in and let them know it was a joke. He said he wasn't telling her to be a prick for real. He said it was a joke. He said Robin was laughing in the background of the clip. He said he thought it was hysterical that they were treating it like it was real advice.
Howard said they're trying to make something out of nothing there. He said it was a joke. Robin said she wonders what they went to school for and where they went.
Howard said if E! wants to discuss this more he thinks that Ellen should change her name to Ellen the Butcher and feed her fans to pitbulls. He said that they can play music while the fans are being eaten by animals.
Howard took a call from a guy who mentioned another Peloton teacher. He said that Howard should check her out too. Howard said it sounds like this guy is on the brink. Robin said this is like sharing porn. Howard said Gary said it's like going to a whore house and picking out your girl. Howard said he'd like to try other instructors but he likes Jenn and Hannah. The caller said Jess King is great. Howard asked if he's calling from prison. He said he sounds like he's doing something bad while he's doing Peloton. He did an impression of the caller getting all creepy about Jess King.
Howard let the caller go but he continued to do a creepy impression of the guy talking about Jess King. Robin said she gets the feeling that the instructors are in danger.
Howard took a call from a woman who said he just made her day by taking her call. She said he should try Cody Rigsby on Peloton. Howard said no way. Howard said she's in love with Cody Rigsby. He said he's not going to take any dude's class. He said he wants to look at a woman. He said he doesn't want to fuck Cody Rigby. He said he likes a lady.
Howard said Hannah is a trained ballet dancer and now she's teaching Peloton. He said he wants to hear real conversation about how her husband's cock ripped her open the night before or something like that. Robin said no one ever talks about things like that.
Howard took a call from fake Cody Rigsby who said he wants him to take his class so he can whip his dick out and things like that. Howard said he's not taking his class.
Howard said he has to do Peloton today. He said he does it 3 days a week and this is one day he does it. He said he has to keep the weight off. He said he gains weight too easily.
Howard read some of Hannah's Peloton bio. He said she said something about dancing on a bunch of silks. He said he wouldn't know what that is except he watches Dancing with the Stars so he does. Howard said that's a thing apparently.
Howard played the clip and Alex was screaming about freedom and how their freedom is being taken away with this. Howard said he was screaming at 14 year old kids who were fascinated by him. Robin said she'd love to know who he married. Howard played more of the audio of Alex screaming about this virus being a power grab hoax. Howard said the kids are there wondering what this old guy is doing.
Howard asked if Robin cares that Alex is going to join them right now from his bunker. Robin said okay. Howard got fake Alex on the line and Alex was talking about this being victory against the COVID-19 hoax. Howard talked to Alex about that for a few minutes. Fake Alex was rambling on and on about some wacky conspiracy theories about 5G and COVID-19.
Robin said she has no idea what he's talking about. Howard said Alex is going to give them a tour of his bunker there. Alex showed off some of the stuff he has down there. He said he has 3 years worth of Liberty Food Buckets down there. He had a bunch of other things he showed off too.
Howard thanked Alex for calling in. Alex said he has a big announcement to make. He said they are launching InfoWars Jr. He had a theme song for that. He had a preview of what the show would be like for the kids. It was like Nickelodeon but with Alex's wacky spin on it. Alex got in a bunch of plugs for his various products after that.
Howard said he can see that he's bulked up so he must be on some supplement. Alex said he and his wife were doing some things in the bedroom but they're Christian so he won't talk about that. Alex had his guys take him to break. They had some crazy InfoWars.com audio.
Howard said at the end there that was Jeffrey Epstein's ghost playing Van Halen's guitar. He said you have to see that on the App. He said hopefully they'll have that up tonight.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who has been on hold for the past 2 days. Howard said he wants to ask about what piss pucks he uses in his urinal. Howard asked who cares. Jeff said he has a urinal now and he wants to hear what he uses. Howard asked Jeff if he put one in his trailer. Jeff said he already has it hooked up but he's having it moved. He said the urinal is being moved. He said it's over to the left and he can barely fit his leg where it's at. He said he wanted to be able to piss so he doesn't piss all over the fucking place.
Howard said he has a urinal in his house. He said it's amazing that a guy with no job can have one. He said if he lived in a trailer he'd just piss outside. Robin said just piss inside. Howard said he has guys over to his house who piss all over the floor. He said he feels like naming names on the air. He said they're such slobs. He said he has to say that a urinal is a great way to pee. He said you can make sure the house is clean. He said it's a great thing. He said some people are against it but it's good. Robin said they went with the toilet because everyone can use it. She said they didn't know that every man wouldn't be able to hit it.
Howard said sometimes pee just comes out and goes the wrong way. He said it's ''Rush and Roulette'' when you pee. Gary said Sal just informed him that his wife had to give him a tutorial about how to pee in the toilet. He said he must have been missing a lot. Howard said if you have a toilet then just sit down and pee. He said that way it won't go all over. Howard let Jeff go and said that wasn't so bad.
Howard asked Sal what the lesson was. Sal said his wife would bring him into the bathroom and show him the droplets of pee. He said he learned to place his legs over the toilet bowl so he's standing over it. He said that way you're not standing back. He said the drips fall in the bowl instead of on the floor. Howard said just sit down and pee. Howard said that way there's no drippage. He said here should be urinals in new homes now.
Howard said Chris Wilding and Ronnie worked on this thing. He said they would fight in the studio so it was tough to work on. Howard played some clips of Ronnie and Chris working on a song and Ronnie was yelling at Chris.
Howard said the tension was so high they had to put and end to the production. He said it was all funny but they had to put an end to it. Howard played another clip where Chris and Ronnie were arguing about it on the air a while back.
Howard said he put this thing on hold and said forget the musical. He said about a month ago he asked if Chris could get Ronnie back into it. He said he asked them to work on it but make it about COVID-19 and being in quarantine. He said they're trying it again and this song is called ''Fuck You COVID.'' He played the song after that. Ronnie sings about how he misses yelling ''cunt'' to everyone he sees and things like that. Then he sings ''Fuck you COVID.''
Howard said there you go. He said tell him you wouldn't go see that on Broadway. Robin said that was awesome. She said she didn't think they'd ever work together again. Howard said there was plenty of agida making that song. He said it sounds good when it's all done but it's not easy. He said they have some outtakes from that song. He played some clips of Chris trying to get Ronnie to sing his lines right. Ronnie was having a tough time with some of the lines. He was calling someone a cunt. Robin asked if he really did that. Howard said yes.
Howard said Ronnie now claims he has no friends and only acquaintances. Howard said he's trying to be like him. He said he knows he has friends out there. He said he goes to visit these friends. Howard asked Ronnie why he's saying that. He said it's just not true.
Howard said he's acting like he has no friends. He said he doesn't have to be like him. Ronnie said he's just breaking balls. He said he knows he has friends. He said he's just breaking balls. Howard said Ronnie is all red from being in the sun. Ronnie said it's the light over his head. He said it makes him look red. Howard asked if he's broadcasting from a bordello. Ronnie said it's the light over his head. He said it's right there over him.
Howard said Ronnie also tweeted ''Wet Tuesday'' this morning. Ronnie said that's because it was raining last night. He said it was like all of a sudden it started raining. He said they were watching The Sopranos and a flash of light came into the living room. He said then the skies opened up for a half hour there. He said it was insane. Howard said maybe he should be ether weatherman. He said that it was actually Wet Monday. Ronnie said it's still wet out though. Ronnie Puppet came on and talked about the wet stuff and yelled out some ''cunts.''
Howard said next up they're going to talk to George Takei. Ronnie said he should check out this show called Selling Sunset on Netflix. He said they have hot chicks selling houses in California. He said it's really good. He said it's funny shit. Gary said it's really good.
Howard said he's going to go to George Takei's house now. He let Ronnie go. Howard said good job to the Ronnie Puppet.
Howard got in a plug for Sketchers who sponsored the show today. They went to break after that.
Howard came back singing along with the I'm Too Sexy song. Howard asked what happened to these guys. He said they don't make music like this anymore. He said they met these guys on the show. Robin said that was the scariest Howard had ever been. She said she felt like he was possessed by the devil back then. Howard said he can dance to this song. He said just let your body go. Robin said that's what Hannah Corbin says. Howard said he thinks they were too sexy for the music business.
Howard said they love George Takei. He said he's their announcer and he's a pioneer. He said he looks good sitting home in quarantine. Howard asked how old he is. George said he's 83. Howard said he looks good. George said Howard does too. He said Robin has turned into a blonde. Robin said she did. George said he's changed the color of his hair too. He said he's a silver fox. Howard asked if he used to color his hair. George said yes he did. He said he used to dye it. Howard said he looks younger with the grey hair. He said it softens his features. He said when he was coloring it the look was unnatural. He said what 80 year old guy has dark hair. George said he was only in his 60s when he was doing that. He said when he celebrated his 80th birthday he had an absolutely memorable party. Howard asked what happened. George said it was the celebration and not the after party with Brad.
Howard asked what happened at the birthday party. George said they had a club terrace there and Brad invited all of their friends other than you guys. Howard said Brad knows they don't go anywhere. George said the place was packed with friends and there were maybe 40 friends there. He said it would be illegal today. He said it was a complete surprise to him. He said that was his entry into his Octogenarian times. He said that's when he stopped with the hair.
Howard said George looks good and he hasn't had any plastic surgery. George said he believes in moisturizer. Howard asked what he uses. George said it's a stem cell thing they have. He didn't remember the name. Howard asked if they use baby blood on his face. He said he looks damn good. Howard said the grey ads a softness to his face.
Howard said George walks and does push ups and sit ups every day. He wondered what's going to do him in. He said he has to be super careful with this COVID-19 thing. George said they are in complete quarantine. He said they give themselves 45 minutes in the morning to walk. He said then they're home 24/7 in the house. Robin asked if they wear masks. George said not in the house but on the walk absolutely. He said in their neighborhood they have a home owner association that put up signs asking people to wear a mask. Howard said that's good.
Howard said he might get lucky and be asymptomatic but people of a certain age can die from this. George said they keep one car charged to go out on the weekend. He said they just drive for an hour and come back. He said these walls are their home most of the time.
Howard said they say a lot of couples are having a hard time in quarantine. He said he used to get away from Brad. He asked if he's having trouble as a couple now. George said they do bicker. He said that's the way it was before though. Howard asked what they bicker about. George said it's everything. He said he had to bicker about getting him there on time. Howard asked why that is. He said he agreed to come on. George said it's because it's Brad and not someone else. He said if it's his agent he'll be there on time. He said he expects him to do that.
Howard asked about the cleaning around the house. He asked if they have someone to do that. George said they had a housekeeper and they're still paying her. He said she won't come but they still pay her. George said she has to live so they're keeping up the payment. He said they have to take over for her.
Howard asked if he's doing the work or is Brad doing it. George said he'll let him imagine him doing it. He said he is still the bread winner. He said he's been doing some work and he's not sure if he can talk about it. He said his friend Stan Zimmerman and another friend are writing a wonderful and hilarious play called Silver Foxes. He said it's hilarious but also a human comedy. Howard asked how he's going to do this. George said they're putting it together for producers on Broadway. He said they're in rehearsal for that on Zoom.
Howard asked what George is doing around the house. George said he has a lot of things going on and that's keeping him busy. He said the Japanese American people there are talking about going on a pilgrimage to the places they were incarcerated during the war.
Howard asked where Brad is right now. George said he has no idea. He said they bought a single story house and sold their 3 story townhouse. He said this house sprawls all over so grey have a very large house. He said they have this system to get a hold of each other. He started ringing a bell. Howard and Robin were laughing. Brad showed up a few seconds later.
Howard asked Brad to get on the microphone. Howard asked George to give him an ear phone. Howard asked if he is not getting resentful of George. He said he's not doing the house work. George said he does some. Howard said poor Brad. Brad said he flashes back to 1986. He said he never did toilets so he's been doing them for 35 years. George said Adelia does it. brad said she's not doing it now though.
Howard said they're a power couple and now George is sitting there like the king and not doing the work. George said he's constantly working. Brad said what he said is accurate but George is lousy at doing the work. He said the only thing he can do is talk so there you go.
Howard said he hopes he treats Brad like the prince he is. Brad said he doesn't. He said his food isn't right and he has to complain to him about that. Howard said he's kidding him. Howard said he's such a pampered man. Brad said he wanted vegetarian food and he had to heat it up for him yesterday. Howard said he feels like Brad is being abused. He said he makes his own lunch and doesn't make Beth do it. He said he can do that stuff himself. George said he can do it too. He said Brad insists on doing it. He said he is very possessive and controlling and dictatorial.
Howard said this is insanity. Brad said George basically reads the newspaper and watches MSNBC all day and he does everything else around the house. Howard said he should be helping Brad out. George said he does. Howard said then he expects his Sunday wrestling. Brad said that's not as frequent as it used to be. George said he is a bit older now. He said age takes its toll. He said it's much more delightful and relaxing. Howard asked if Brad feels like a maid now. Brad said for years he was his business manager and he is used to doing the management stuff. He said that's the busy work. He said he wanted George to have the life to be able to think about what he has to think about. Howard said he lets him do his thing but in the bedroom can he turn around and be equals in there. Brad said not to deflect but they have this warmth and intimacy that's pretty special. He said they hold hands while they watch TV and they always kiss each other.
Howard said the real Sunday ritual has diminished though. He asked if George is still jerking off in the shower. George said ''Shhhh'' and Brad said he does take long showers. He said it's easier for him to do it himself because when he tries to do it then it takes too long.
Howard said maybe it's happening twice a month. brad said it is about that much. George agreed. Howard said George claims he can't cum but he can when he's alone. He said he's worried about their relationship. Brad said he won't take Viagra. George said they can overcome so he doesn't want to take that.
Howard said this painting of Brad is something George has had a very long time. George said he looks great in it. Howard said he does. He said he has an erection. Brad said it is not an erection. Howard showed off the painting and Brad is nude in it. George said that's him up there on the wall. Howard said what a painting that is.
Howard asked if George stares at the painting when Brad jerks him off. George said he lies there while he fondly looks back on the past.
Howard said the other thing he wanted them to show is this Yukata that George wears to make love making easier. George said by the time they get to that the Yukata is off. He said it's a nice thing to wear around the house and that's what he used to wear. He said he comes straight from the shower to the bedroom so there they are. He said he doesn't wear that now. Howard said that's Brad's reward for his cleaning the house. He said he has to drop the broom and get down to business.
Howard asked if they Yukata is for the wrestling. George said it's a summer Kimono and that's what they would wear in Japan on a summer evening.
Howard said Brad gets to fuck George and then clean the shower. George had something else to show. He said when they were younger they used to Cosplay. He had a mesh tank top and no bottom. George had him show that to Howard. Howard said he would wear that with no bottom. George said that's right. He said the top would come off during wrestling.
Howard said George also has a Captain Sulu shirt to show off. He said he's not sure why George celebrates that. He said it makes no sense to him. He said he became captain but he's not in the movie because of that. Brad said he wasn't on the bridge anymore either. George said he saved the aging Captain Kirk in that movie.
Howard said speaking of Captain Kirk, they know how he feels about William Shatner. He said that Shatner got another divorce and he's in his 80s. George said he's almost 90. Howard asked if this vindicates him. He said he has always said he was a difficult man. He asked if he has any comment on that. George said he is an elderly man now. He said he picked on him for a long, long time. He said the charitable instinct in him has come out so he's going to be kinder to him. He said it's an ancient tradition to respect their elders so he'll show him some kindness and charity.
Howard said all he can think about is Brad's cock after seeing that painting. He claims he wasn't erect but he must have been semi erect. George said he has turned his waist around so he doesn't see that part. Howard said he has his penis sticking out in that painting. Brad said the setup for that was that they have the full frontal nudes at the Japanese National Museum. Howard asked if he posed for that. George said he did. Howard said the painting is very realistic. Brad said he took a full week of afternoons to paint that.
Howard asked if George was there and if he was nervous that the artist would seduce him. George said he trusted the artist. Brad said he did praise his body. Howard said George could not get enough of Brad back then. Brad said George was a hot man in those years too. Howard said he knows. He said he saw him in that Star Trek episode when he had his shirt off. He said he was magnificent. He said they are a power couple.
Howard said George has said that he wants him to get back into that condition. He asked if he would do that. George said that Brad was a runner and he would come in a half hour before him in the long runs. He said he stopped shortly before they got together. He said he completely quit and started eating donuts and candies. George said he had his foot surgery and he had to stop running too. He said he had to walk and Brad wouldn't walk with him either. He said he tripped one day and fell and got some abrasion on his knee and showed Brad that. He said ever since then he has gone walking with him.
Howard asked if Brad sold George a bag of goods and took that body away from George. Brad said when he got committed to George he didn't need to look his best so he let it all fall apart. He said now he's stuck with him anyway so if he wants another donut, he has another donut.
Howard asked George if he felt he was deceived with that body. George said yes. Howard said this is what the play should be about. He said they have such a commitment to each other. He said they're one of his favorite couples. George said the play is kind of about that.
Howard asked why there is no nude painting of George. George said because he's an actor and he knows what can happen if there is something like that. Brad said he has some nudes of George that aren't in the public domain. He said they had gone to a nude beach and he has some pictures from there. Howard asked if he would release them if he did something wrong. Brad said yes, that's why he's stayed with him all these years.
Howard asked if Brad has the bigger cock in the relationship. George said yes. He said he didn't know this was going to be a confessional today. Brad said he's 3 inches taller than George so it's about the proportions. Howard said he must be thicker too. George apparently confirmed that to Howard.
Howard said maybe they should have a sword fight. George said maybe they have. Howard said maybe they should stop bickering. George said they have done that for 35 years.
Howard asked if Brad wishes that George had a bigger cock. Brad said George has taught him that Buddhism part of life ''it is what it is'' so he goes with that.
Howard said the update is that they are both quarantined and Brad is keeping George as the star and keeping him working. George said he gets his marching orders every morning from Brad. He said he dictates down what he has to do. Brad said if he didn't book recoding sessions George would just read the NY Times all morning.
Gary said that grey sent out the equipment to set up for them and Brad did all of the work. He said George came in and sat down. He said his nickname is ''Brader'' and he yelled his name out and Brad came running in to help him out with the equipment. Brad said he's always listening to George.
Howard said George couldn't live without Brad. He said he has infantalized him in a way. Robin said he has made himself indispensable. Howard said he's like his parents in a sense. He asked if he's not giving Brad the full love he could give him. George said if he didn't love him his life would be very inconvenient. Brad said he feels his love. George said they don't have to justify their love. Brad said George is out of clean white socks so he has to wash them as soon as they're done there.
Howard said his wife takes care of him too. He said he feels guilty that she's doing most of the work. He said she doesn't think George feels guilty at all. George said he does. He said he lets him know that he appreciates it very much. Brad said he can vacuum the whole house and he won't say anything. George said he has though.
Howard said he has learned that you have to say something. He said Beth said to him the other day that she vacuumed the whole house. He said you have to acknowledge that. George said he does that frequently. Brad said he doesn't. George said he doesn't listen to him. He said he ignores him.
Howard said Beth changes the sheets every week and he tells her he appreciates that. George said he's making him look like he's unappreciative. He said he does acknowledge that. Brad said that he does tell him when the soup is hot. Brad said George calls him Char Woman. Howard asked why he would do that. George said he doesn't do that. He said he used to refer to his mother as that and Brad took that on. He said that doesn't come from him.
Howard asked where the bell ringing came from. George said that's Brad. Brad said he doesn't want him hurting his money making machine by yelling for him. He said that he'll use it for little things now. He said it used to be important things. Howard asked what George will use it for and if he keeps ringing it. George said Brad is the one who suggested it. He said he brought it to him and said ring it when he needs him. Brad said he thinks it's funny to ring the bell now. Howard asked if his marriage would be over if he got a bell for Beth. Brad told him to try it out. He said she might like it.
Howard asked where they met. George told Howard they were in a gay running club. He said he met Brad there and he was running too fast so he asked him after the run to train him for the marathon. He said they would meet before their run training. Howard asked if Brad knew he had other intentions for him. Brad said he did. He said he asked if he liked theater. Howard asked if it was dangerous joining that club. George said it was high risk but the other guys in the group had the same risk. He said some of the guys recognized him but they wouldn't tell on him. Brad said they were afraid the National Enquirer would tell on them.
Howard asked how he leaned about a gay running club. Brad said they were in throw away newspapers. George said he saw it in there and he thought he might check it out. Howard said he would hate to see a return to those times. George said grey are out now and that won't happen. Howard asked if he was nervous when he came out. George said it was in 2005 when the California Legislator asked for the marriage equality bill in California. He said it was record setting. He said when Arnold ran for governor he said he was all for that. He said that he vetoed it and he was outraged. He said they found out about it and they cut to a shot of young people on Santa Monica boulevard venting on him and they felt the same way.
Howard asked if Brad was out to his family. Brad said he was in the magazine publishing business and half the people were gay. He said some of them were out. Howard said it's so nuts that they had to hide.
Howard asked when Brad knew he had to have George sexually. Brad said the first time they consummated it was after the Los Angeles marathon in 1986. George said that's not the way he remembers it. Howard asked what he remembers. George said he had a recording he did for Miami Vice and he had to go to the studio and before that they were playing around at the town house. He said one thing led to another and they started wrestling. He said he thinks that was the best dubbing job he ever did. Howard said the wrestling thing is an odd thing to him. George said he's a tactile person. Howard asked why he has to wrestle. George said he likes to feel and squeeze. Howard asked if Brad was like ''what's with this fucking guy?'' Brad said they were in his bed the first time and he remembers the springs squeaking.
George said he remembers being on the floor. Robin said maybe they weren't in the same room. Howard asked if George was the first man Brad was in love with. Brad said he was in his late 30s and George was in his 40s. He said they had other relationships but not the kind of love he had for George.
Howard asked if he was excited about taking on this famous guy. Brad said he was just another unemployed actor to him. Howard said gay marriage still isn't recognized in Japan. George said there is a small area there that does recognize it. He said step by step they will get there. He said it will come.
Howard asked if they are friends with any of their ex's. Brad said he is. George said that he had a bad breakup with a guy that he never heard from again. He said he dumped that guy. He said he was abusive and he will not take that so he had to break up with that guy. Howard asked if he was beaten up. George said he tried to be but he put a stop to that. Brad said George will get very upset if you try to slap him. George said he got violent and he pushed him out the door and slammed it. He said that ended it.
Howard said they have a great relationship. Robin said this is a beautiful relationship and you can't look at it and think anything else. Howard said people who are angry at them for being gay and married they are just jealous. He said it's people who are green with envy.
George said this administration is still trying to keep transgender people from serving. He said they are willing to lay their lives on the line for us and this man in office is a coward. He said he's a draft evader and he has big opinions about military service. He said he's a disgrace. Howard said he doesn't care if someone wants to be a man or a woman. He said if they're willing to risk their life for this country he's all for it.
Howard asked who loves the other more, George or Brad. Brad said he has thought about that but not recently. He said he thinks there are no words to say. Howard said that's a cop out answer. Howard asked George. George said he knows himself best and he loves Brad very much. He said he knows Brad loves him too. Howard asked who loves the other more. George said he doesn't have the basis for answering that. Brad said George is 17 years older than him and he knows that he'll leave before him. He said he'll be by himself. George said his grandmother lived 104 birthdays. He said he's competitive. Brad said he thinks he'll be left beyond though so he might love him more. Howard said he never thought of it that way. He said he has been willing to say that he loves him so much that he knows he'll be alone and he stays with him. Howard said he's 100 percent correct. George agreed. He said it's also possible that Brad could go before him and he'd be alone. He said the thing is they provide for each other. He said they have made sure that they'll be okay if one goes before the other.
Howard asked if they have ever opened up to let another person come into their relationship. George said he has all he needs with Brad.
Howard said he's getting a glimpse into their lives and this is very interesting. He said he got to see Brad's penis in that painting. He said the love he sees is very inspirational. He said he's demanding now that when he does pass that he can have the Brad Dating Game on this show. George laughed. He said he wants Brad to be happy. He said they have a name for his nurse. He said they refer to him as Enrique. Howard said it seems that Brad has no knowledge of that. George said oh yes he does.
Howard asked if Brad has to go make George his breakfast. George said he already has. Brad said he already laid out his weekly vitamins for him. Howard told Brad to take that bell and burn it. He said if Beth saw that he'd be out the window. George said this is already donated to the Japanese American museum.
Howard asked where his Star Trek memorabilia is. Brad said it's all in the museum. George said grey accumulated a ton of collectibles so the museum wanted it and they donated it. Howard said he donated all of his Star Trek stuff there. He said he sees a record album of Leonard Nimoy and Shatner's album. George said they missed that somehow. He said the Sulu outfit is a great generator of visitors there at the museum. He said Star Trek fans are attracted to it and the Japanese American museum people don't understand who these people are and why they're showing up. Howard asked when grey will hang that painting of brad up. George said after he's gone.
Howard asked if Brad is upset about not getting anal from George. Brad said they have tried it and there's too much commitment. He said it takes a lot of preparation. Howard said they both don't like it. He asked if they both tried it in their ass. George said Brad was strongly against it and he had to convince him to try it. He said he did try it but he was against it. Brad said he hasn't against it. George said oh yes he was. Brad said they were able to find positions that were faster to get it over and done with.
Howard said he feels that George would have liked to have had Brad on the top. George said he would but Brad's not very adventuresome. Robin asked what the other things were that they wanted to try. George said she's a woman and she wouldn't know.
Howard said there are things that should be shared with a couple in private. He said ass eating is never off the table. George laughed. Howard said he is asked if he knows anyone who is happily married and he will mention George and Brad. George said he's not wrong about that.
Howard gave the guys some plugs and said that there is a stamp acknowledging a Japanese sculptor that George Dedicated at the US Postal Service. Howard said George also has a graphic novel for They Called Us Enemy. He said that depicts what happened during World War II. George said it's a comic book really. He said that boy is him on the cover. He said he wanted to reach the young readership and he loved comic books as a young boy. He said he wanted to reach people this way. George said they have some interest in that book to be a TV series as well. He said that would be a mini series. Howard said that's great.
Howard asked Brad if he ever imagined that George would be introducing him to famous people. Brad said in 1966 he was looking at his black and white TV and he saw George on the screen. He said he was a boy and he remembers seeing him on TV. He said that was wild. Howard asked if he was sexually excited in seeing him. Brad said he was an attractive man. He changed that to ''is an attractive man.''
Howard said George has a great attitude and he'll be in the studio and grab a penis or two. He asked if Brad ever gets jealous of that. Brad said they have to show that it's okay to enjoy sexuality and not feel embarrassed about it. He said George is raunchy at times but it's mostly on Howard's show. Howard said he knows. He said he gets blamed for it all. Howard said these two are fantastic. He said they had a whole big argument about circumcision on the show and he wanted to ask them about that. He asked what they think. George said they are both uncircumcised. He said they are respectful of the beliefs of everybody. He said it's infinite diversity. He said Brad's parents were agnostic. Brad said they were just white trash.
Howard said he figured they were both circumcised. He asked if they have any issues with their penises. George said you should clean it every morning in the shower. Brad said he's never had a problem. He said most people like it. He said George likes it. Howard asked if it's like a gift when the foreskin goes back. George said yes. He said it's like a package that has been protected just for him. He said there it is, plump and ready and glistening.
Howard said this has been fascinating. George said he thought he knew them. Howard said grey cleared up this circumcision thing. He said Brad's penis is just fine. Howard asked if they ever wanted to have kids together. George said they did but back then they couldn't get married. He said they had no security to offer and they didn't think that would be fair to a child. George said his surrogate children he has are his nephew and niece. He said his nephew lives nearby and he has kids so they're like their grand kids. He said they are the only people they allow to visit them. George said they meet by the guard gate and they don't come into the house. He said his nephew's wife has cooked meals for them. He said his grand niece cooks cookies for them too.
Howard asked if Brad cooks for George. Brad said they get meals that he heats up but Robin said that's just reheating. George said he is a cook himself but the kitchen is a mess after he cooks.
Howard said Jimmy Fallon sent over pizza recently and he turned down eating it. He said he's afraid of COVID. George said they are in a vulnerable group. Howard said he hopes that nothing ever happens to George. He said he's something special. George said he plans to beat his grandmother's age of 104. He said he wants to make it until 105 at least. Howard said Brad will drop dead if he has to take care of a 105 year old George Takei.
Howard said Benjy wants to be adopted if they want a son. George said he's too old. Howard said they are an amazing couple. He said they are the couple of couples. He said the two of them are magnificent. He said he appreciates them inviting them into their house.
George told Howard about going to a resort together and the waters were crystal clear. He said they had thatched hut rooms out on the water. Howard asked how he ended up with naked pictures there. George said it wasn't nude there but they had boys that will take you out to a deserted island. He said that's where you can get nude. He said the boys paddle off and they were alone there. He said they spent the afternoon there and they got sunburned all over. He said it was terrible that night.
Howard asked what they would see George doing in those photos. Brad said he was just smiling at the camera and standing there. He said it wasn't anything sexual. Howard said he pictures George spread eagle in the pictures. Brad said George was actually working while they were out there. He said he was translating something for the director of a movie.
Howard asked how many nudes Brad has of George. Brad said it's a few. Howard said they must be very tasteful nudes.
Howard said he's glad they're taking precautions during this COVID-19 thing. He said he doesn't want anything happening to George who is a national treasure. Howard said George had better thank Brad for the work he does. He said he should talk about how clean the sheets feel. George said he does comment on that. He said Brad is acting like he's totally insensitive to that. George said Brad doesn't pay attention to him when he does thank him.
Howard said these two are love birds and they are a great example at how to conduct a marriage. He said he wants to thank them. He said pay attention to what George is doing professionally. He said he has this graphic novel called They Called Us Enemy and it's available on Amazon right now. Howard thanked them again for spending time with them. George said they miss them and New York. Howard asked if he has any words for William Shatner. George said let him live long and... impoverished.
Howard said he has Bill on the line now to talk to George. Fake Shatner said he hopes he's wearing a mask out there. He said it's very dangerous out there. He said they have to stick together and stay friends. Fake Shatner said they share a very special thing. George said he just told Howard deep down inside the glimmer of charity has come out. He said he appreciates Bill and the character he created. He said he appreciates his longevity. He hopes he enjoys the rest of his life. Fake Shatner said they have both said things to each other. He said George has said a lot of things about him. George said that's not Bill saying that. Fake Shatner said ask him something only he would know. George asked what his second wife's name is. Fake Shatner said he just wanted to call to make amends. He said the Coronavirus has put a lot of things in perspective. George asked what his second wife's name was. Fake Shatner said he doesn't remember that, he is pretty old. Howard said that's enough of that. Howard said George was right that wasn't really Shatner. George said her name was Marcy Shatner. He said she had a part in the very first Star Trek movie. He said she was part of the crew.
Howard let George and Brad go after that. He thanked them again for calling in. George said he's looking forward to seeing them again in person some day.
Ralph said that was a great interview. He said that might be the best one with George so far. He asked to see the painting thing on the app. Howard said it will all go up on the app. He said he finds it fascinating that they say he wasn't erect in that painting. He said it sure looked like it was to him.
Howard did more of his impression and talked about how great that was. Ralph asked how weird it is that they don't fuck and they're a gay couple. Robin asked why he finds it weird and what he knows about gay couples.
Howard said that the painting will be up on the app. He said you will see young Brad on there. Ralph asked if he can print it out and hang it on his wall. Howard said he's going to talk to George about making Giclees of them for people to buy. Howard said then everyone can have one.
Howard said they should get the photos and make cardboard standees of him to put in the stadiums during games.
Howard said he could have spent all day talking to them. He said just wait until you see the video of George ringing that bell and Brad comes running in.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was a great interview. He asked if he has ever thought about animating his interviews. Howard said sure. He said just get the SiriusXM app. He said the app is terrific. He said you'll enjoy it. He said the app is working very well. He said there are about 20 times that Brad's face is priceless in that interview. He said it's a great way to see that interview.
Howard said Metallica is on the app now too. He said you will cum in your pants when you see that if you're a fan. He said that's all up on the app now. He said he's going to put a rush on the Brad thing. He said the unedited picture will be up there too. He said that is tasteful art. He said it's not like Sal sticking his own dick up his ass.
Howard let Ralph go after that. He said he sent Ralph a message as his father. He said they were going back and forth sending audio messages to each other. He did his impression of what he was doing as his dad. He said he'd send one and Ralph would send them back.
Howard said he's had enough of Ralph now. He said he has to fix some things in the studio so he's out of there. He ended the show around 10:40am.
Howard said he remembers working with him on The Larry Sanders Show. He said he played Hank Kingsley. Robin said they took the show off and they did decide to do some rebooting of the show he was on with Jason Bateman. Robin said he went to work with them but she's not sure if anything came of that.
Howard said his alarm went off this morning and it's so annoying that Apple won't have a cascading alarm. He said it just comes on. He said he tried writing to Tim Apple about it. He said he was sleeping beautifully and having a dream that was driving him nuts. He said he gets up a couple of times every night to pee. He said he gets a boner and it wakes him up. He said he stands up and he has to wait for it to soften up a bit. He said he's at the urinal with a boner waiting for it to go down.
Howard said he doesn't touch his penis at night. He said he pulls his underwear down and holds his penis up with the underpants. He said that way he doesn't have to do a full scrub down in the sink. He said he pees and then goes back to sleep. He said he figures he can't sleep but then he's out. He said he loves sleep.
Howard said at the end of the show yesterday he had something to eat and then took a nap. He said he was woozy after that so he crawls to his computer. He said he sits there staring at it.
Howard said he was reading about the Black Crowes. He said if you Google Jimmy Page and the Black Crowes you can see them performing together and Chris sings in his own style and he's envious of the way he performs. He said he has this move where he doesn't look stupid dancing around. He said Mick Jagger has that move too. He said he was in some shape back in the day. He said he would run all over the stage during some songs and he was in a full sprint and singing. He said to be able to do that is amazing for an older man.
The guys played some of the performance he was talking about with Chris and Jimmy Page. Howard said he loves this. He said he has a Leno show performance too. He said this is his favorite. He said this is the ''Wanton Song.'' He said Chris is one of the greatest front men ever. He said he's skinny and has no belly hanging over. He said he's the perfect lead singer. He said Jagger was the same way. Robin said one concert she saw he wore an outfit he wore 30 years before and it still fit. Howard said he likes that they're average height. Howard let the song play a little longer.
Howard said he woke up from his nap and had to wake up so he was watching that. He said the thing that drives him crazy is that the Black Crowes were so good that Jimmy Page wanted to go on tour with them. He said Jimmy wanted to join their band essentially. He said they were out touring and doing everything they had been doing before the crash and burn. He said one book said that Chris was going nuts and the brother was saying that wasn't his thing so they fucked it all up. He said Jimmy had enough of it and couldn't deal with it so it was over. He said that drives him crazy. He said they could have toured for 20 years with Jimmy. Howard said then he was thinking maybe that's why Chris was so great as a front man. He said he just didn't give a fuck.
Howard said Chris is one of the best front men of all time and they're not in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Robin said they're not. Howard said that's complete bullshit.
Howard said another band who should be in the hall of fame is the Go-Gos. He said Belinda Carlisle and all of the others should be in there. He said they were an all girl group and they were the first to have a number one album. He said there's a great documentary about them on Showtime. Gary said he saw it and it was good.
Howard said The Go-Gos fucked everything up too. He said they were a tight band but then Belinda got pissed off about not getting the same money as the rest of the girls. He said they sold enough albums and they were popular enough that they should be in the hall of fame. He said Pat Benetar should be in there too. He said in the 90s Chris Cornell was a great sounding guy and Soundgarden isn't in the hall of fame either. He said it's bullshit anyway.
Howard said he did induct Jon Bon Jovi though. He said he knew he was going to ask him to do that and he dreaded it. He said they knew the band before they hit it big. He said he loves Jon and the band. He said he knew Jon was going to ask him when he wrote him an email and said he was going to be calling him. He said he knew exactly what that was going to be.
Howard said Jon wanted to wait outside his psychiatrist's office. He said he was going to get in the car with him outside the place. Howard said he remembers Jon getting in the car and Jon was there. He said his driver Terry told him he was there. He said he was going to walk around the block and hope he was gone. He said he got in the car and Jon gave him that baby face. He said he's a cute guy and started in about how there's nothing better in the world to him and he was waiting so long to get in. He said he didn't want anyone else to induct them other than him. He said he told the hall of fame he wanted Howard Stern. Howard said he just asked where he needed to be. He said he was praying he was wrong but he was right.
Howard said he was so miserable having to go to Cleveland for that. He said his therapist told him he should enjoy that. Howard said he just can't. He said he complained through the whole weekend about that. He said poor Beth had to hear about it. He said he wanted to go to sleep right after he did his thing. He said Beth stayed for a while. He said he went right to bed and left her there. He said he doesn't mind listening to The Cars but he wasn't going to sit there through the band talking. He said he liked Ric Ocasek and his wife. He said every band member had to make a speech and they don't realize that no one cares. He said the drummers and shit have to talk. He said they have an axe to grind because they've never been noticed. He said Beth went out to a post party and hung out. He said she was out until 1:30 in the morning.
Robin said don't tell her that Beth feels the same way about it as he does. Howard said she does. He said he does believe that she's the same as him. Robin laughed.
Howard said it was important to Jon so he came through for him. He said if he had a band he'd be like ''fuck them.'' He said Jethro Tull isn't even in the hall of fame. He said it's a stupid organization. He said Soundgarden and The Go-Gos aren't in. He said the Black Crowes aren't in there either and they sold a ton of albums.
Howard said sometimes they honor the old guys at the hall of fame. He said he doesn't get that. Robin said Howard likes some of those old guys.
Howard said he walked in and sat down and quoted something but he can't remember it. He said they put up the picture of Brad nude on social media and the app.
Howard said they got a lot of fan feedback about the interview. He said Jimmy Kimmel wrote in about the interview and how Ralph brought up the rear. Robin said they are going to have a Fast Times at Ridgemont High table read. She said Jimmy is going to be part of that. Howard said Jimmy took the summer off but he's still working. He said he was telling him about the pressure of doing the Emmys and how he'll be at that table read. He said he'd be like ''fuck that.'' Robin said that's not even a paying gig.
Howard said Jimmy is like that. He said he can't say no to anything. He asked what he has to do with Fast Times at Ridgemont High. He doesn't understand that. He said he just says no to everything. He said every friend of his asks him to cut birthday messages and things like that.
Howard said he always rubs it in with Jimmy. He said he'll do a thing like that and then the people he did it with will go on Fallon's show instead of his.
Howard said Jimmy has the whole summer off. He said he's been relaxing. He said he's doing some fun shit. He said Jimmy will be on in September. He said he's going to yell at him about quarantine. He said he's going to this table read thing too. Robin wondered how they're going to do that.
Howard said they have friends who have dinner parties all the time and grey say they're all very careful and they're fine. Howard said you know they're not. Howard said he sees pictures from the parties and everyone is on top of each other. He said they're all close. He said he's not interested. Robin said every school that goes back has Coronavirus. Howard said everyone is ready to drop dead. Robin said they said at Notre Dame they had 19 percent of the kids get Coronavirus. Howard said they don't know what to do so they have everyone go back. Robin said they had tons of people in a dorm room and a couple dozen people got Coronavirus.
Gary said if his son's school goes out of business he has half a degree. He said he ash to keep them in business. Howard said he can't even go to class so why send him off to school. He said they will have to do it by Zoom. Gary said he's probably right. He said he'll ask him to come home if that happens. He said they have to pay for the dorm room for a whole year. Howard said wherever he's going to school is ridiculous. He said there is no hybrid. Gary said he was telling him that he may have to go to classes on Saturday and Sunday. He said they might have to do things with two sets of classes.
Howard said he heard Gary can't jerk off anymore. He said he had a knee replacement and he's afraid to fuck his wife. He said he went to jerk off and he wasn't able to get anything to come out. Gary said he got a boner and that was it. He said he starts the day off with 14-15 pills and something is fucking with that part of his system.
Robin asked what the pills are for. Gary said there's a bunch of antibiotics and stool softeners and stuff. He said that he wasn't able to go and he had to take the stool softener. He said he had a hard time going and then he took more and it was like he was locked shut and then locked open.
Howard said he was taking a medication for a little while and it was affecting his penis. He said as soon as he knew that it was affecting that he was off the medication. He said he would rather die than not have a nice boner. He said he had an alternate medication and everything was fine after that. He said he got it back after that.
Gary said Mary went out to walk the dog and the kids were out so he had a limited amount of time so he wondered how much time he'd put into it. Gary Puppet was talking about all of the porn he was looking at. Gary said he was able to get hard but he wasn't able to finish. Howard said Gary used to get hard on stage. He said they were on stage doing a show and Gary got a boner. He said there was a naked girl on stage and Gary got a boner. Gary said it was more than a naked girl. He said they were finding people for the New Years Eve pageant and this girl went down on another girl on stage. Robin said he got a boner when he was holding a limbo stick once. Howard said he's like a Neanderthal. He said he loves women. Gary said he used to get a boner when they did the Sybian thing.
Howard said Gary had sex with a girl and she puked and Gary kept going. Gary said Mary hates this story. He said they were having sex and they were drunk as shit. He said they were doing it doggy style and she was writhing around. He said then he heard her vomiting against the wall. He said he may have stopped or maybe he didn't. Gary said he remembers now that they stopped and they were at her apartment so they went to her roommate's bed to finish. He said she didn't want to clean up right away.
Robin said in Rio de Janeiro they were having a Zoom meeting and one of the members started having sex. Robin said when the guy finished he got back on the meeting and the meeting went on for another four hours.
Gary said there was a college class going on and this guy got on camera after taking a shower and he had his dick out.
Howard said maybe she has HPV in her throat. Melissa said no to that too. Howard asked if she was Hitler in a past life. She said no to that. Howard said he really doesn't want cancer in the cheek. He said he can't talk like that. He did an impression of Melissa.
Howard asked if she lives near power lines. She said no to that. Howard asked if she's obese. She said no to that too. Howard asked her to say no again because he likes the way she says it. She did that for him.
Howard asked how she knew she had cancer of the cheek. Melissa said she went to the doctor and they took a biopsy. Howard asked what was wrong with her cheek. She said it was swollen and that's when they did the biopsy. Howard asked what causes cancer of the cheek. She said that's what she wants to know too. Howard said even if it was your ass cheek you don't talk through that.
Howard asked Melissa if she wants to date Benjy. She said no even though she's single. Howard asked if they did a good job with the surgery. She said they did. She had to do Chemo and radiation too. Howard asked if she's going to be okay. She said she is. Howard asked if it spread anywhere. She said no. Howard said he bets it was hereditary. Melissa said a couple of people had cancer in her family but not in the face. Howard said people think he has cancer of the face but that's just the way he looks.
Howard asked Melissa if she has ever been in a relationship. She said she has had boyfriends and stuff. Howard asked how long it's been since she had sex. She said it's been a while. Howard asked if she'll get her speech back. Melissa said she's working on it with a speech therapist.
Howard asked why she sounds like that. He asked if they removed her tongue or something. She said no. Robin said here are nerves in there. Howard said she's been through a lot. Melissa said she has. Howard asked if she would rather have more cancer or date Benjy. Melissa said she'd rather have a second round of cancer.
Howard said even JD found love so maybe Melissa will too. Howard asked if she wears a bikini. She said she wears a one piece. Howard said he's trying to figure out who she can date. Howard said maybe The Bachelor. She said she'd do that.
Howard said he can set her up with Speech Impediment Man. He got him on the line and Speech Impediment Man said he'd take her out. Howard told him to talk to her. Melissa said she's in Massachusetts so it's a bit of a problem. Speech Impediment Man said he'd fly there from California. He asked if he's guaranteed sex. She said she's not sure about that. Speech Impediment Man asked if she has ever dated a guy wearing blue tights. She said no. Howard said how about acting like a gentleman. Speech Impediment Man asked what she'd like to do on a date. She said maybe dinner. Speech Impediment Man asked what she likes to eat. Melissa said anything pretty much. She said she likes Italian.
Howard asked Speech Impediment Man why he's going around saying that he won't pick up on him because he's a Trump supporter. Speech Impediment Man said that he got some emails from fans who said that's why he wasn't taking his calls. Howard said he didn't even know he was for Trump. He said he can't take his call every time he calls in. He said he takes a few calls every show and that's it. He said if he can't get to him then he can't get to him. Speech Impediment Man said sometimes he can't even get to the screener. Robin said that's because there are a lot of callers.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Dan who was talking sort of like Speech Impediment Man and said he'd go out with Melissa. He said he's not too far from her. Howard was trying to hang up on him a short time later and wasn't able to get rid of Dan.
Howard said he thinks he's lost control of all the phones. He wished Melissa luck with her health. He said they're sending her a lot of love. Speech Impediment Man said peace and love. Howard let the two of them go after that.
Howard said life is tough. He said it's just not right that a 43 year old woman has to go through that. He said he has to take a break and get to a lot of stuff. He said he has updates and fan mail. He said he has to clean out the computer and things like that. He said they have recent Stern Show in the media and more. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that's Robin's boyfriend Hozier. Robin said she thinks that he's singing to her. Fred played a bunch of Robin drops saying odd things. Howard asked where this guy is at. Robin said he was on Ellen and he has some songs other than this but they weren't this big.
Howard read some fan feedback about the Water of Life convention clips. Howard said the audience was sickened by the whole thing. He read some of the comments about that. People were talking about how disgusted they were with the whole thing.
Howard said Gary is starting to pee on his own feet to cure his toe fungus. He said he did it last night for the first time. Gary said he did it this morning too. He said it's not as easy as you think. He said he thinks it's hitting it enough to do something. He said he took a picture and if it works it'll be amazing. Howard said his wife is upset with him for peeing in the shower. Gary said she asked if he's going to clean up in there. He said they all pee in the shower. He said he uses shampoo to clean up the bottom of the shower. Robin said he has a steam cleaner so use that to clean it. Gary said he doesn't have one.
Howard read some comments about the urine drinkers and how they're the kind of people who cause the health problems in the world. Howard had a couple of comments about that.
Howard read some fan feedback about Gary's party and the discussion they had about that. Howard had a bunch of comments about that. Howard said he was a way more pleasant guest than they think he was. He said he just left when it was appropriate.
Howard played a clip of Underdog talking about how she was supposed to meet the creator of Underdog but he chickened out. She said he died a few years ago so she'll never meet him. Howard said that's funny that she thinks it was all about her.
Howard said Suzanne goes on to talk about how she dresses up as other characters and Cat Woman is the one for this year because she has a milestone anniversary. In the clip Underdog was talking about how she originated in 1940 so she's 80 years old this year.
Howard said he's imagining her in a skin tight outfit. Howard played another clip of Suzanne talking about Cat woman why she became cat woman. She was talking about how she can purr by rolling her R's.
Howard said it's too bad she won't come on this show. He said they'll never have this kind of stuff live on this show. He said Shuli is their contact with her. He asked Shuli how often he calls her. Shuli said it's usually twice a week. He said she has his cell number now so she calls him a lot. He said she calls about mindless anniversaries and things. He said she tells him to save his kids teeth when grey fall out so grey can bring them to show and tell. Howard asked if that's something that happened to her. Shuli said it's more about being honest with your children. He said she thinks you can't tell kids to be honest and then lie to them. Howard said if he lies about a tooth fairy then he's being a dick head. Shuli said he's being like her parents.
Shuli said that she told her 5 year old brother that here was no such thing as Santa. His phone rang and he said that's Jeff the Drunk. Howard asked if he hears him on the air and has to call. Shuli said it's probably about not being able to get on the air. He said High Pitch Erik is the worst. He said he would get on the air and he'd get texts about what they were talking about in the studio.
Howard played a clip of Suzanne talking about Cat Woman and how she has been paroled so she can do acts of kindness. She told the host that's her own version of the story for Cat Woman.
Howard said she says words in an odd way. He said she'll say words loudly like ''Paroled.'' Shuli said she drops down too with some words. He did his impression of her and demonstrated what he was talking about. Shuli said he'll bring up Howard's name and she'll tell him that he's not to be trusted. Howard said he kind of likes it this way. He said it might be better that she doesn't want to do the show. He said she gets crazy when they bring up his name.
Shuli said he has some good audio coming up from her. He said she feels that the real story about Vlad the Impaler isn't out there so she has her own version. He said they sat down to record this and it was 55 minutes for part 1. Shuli lost his train of thought. Howard said he's right about Dracula because the host of the show tried to do an impression and Suzanne was not happy about it. He played a clip of Suzanne getting upset about the impression. She said he wouldn't talk anything like Bela Lugosi.
Shuli told Howard that they were recording that Vlad thing and she asked where this was going to air. He said he told her it was going to air on Howard's channels and she started freaking out. He said he said to her that she knows he works there and he's told her that for years. He said Suzanne said she didn't want people to know she was back on his show. Howard asked what she thinks Shuli is. Shuli said she thinks that he's a news reporter assigned just to her.
Howard said this guy had Suzanne on his show and the conversation turned to Howard Stern. He said that she did not have good things to say about him. Howard played the clip and Suzanne said that Howard came and desecrated her life 4 years before she was on some show. She said he and his stooges contacted her to be on his Saturday night TV show. She said she didn't get to do her homework on that show. She said he will pay when he has to answer to God.
Howard said that she came on his show and her best friend is Shuli. He said he's one of his top stooges. Howard asked how long he's been there. Shuli said 15 years. Howard said tell everyone how he can't look him in the eye. Shuli said he gets beaten for doing that. Robin said next time he talks to her he should introduce himself as Howard Stern's stooge.
Howard played a clip of Suzanne talking about the sins that Howard Stern has done in his life. She said he has gotten away with real ''super villianry'' and abusing freedom of speech. She said that he is also indecent. She said he would dress immodestly. She said that she saw his book Private Parts in a book store and he was holding up a blanket to cover up his side. She said he was showing too much skin. Howard said he thinks that she was licking her chops over that body of his.
Howard said Suzanne gave a shout out to her friend in Latin. Shuli said that's a great move because no one knows what she's talking about. Howard played a clip of Suzanne doing her Latin thing and explaining what she just said. She was giving very special thanks in Latin.
Howard said she could get paid a lot of money on Cameo giving messages in Latin. Howard did an impression of what that would sound like. Shuli did his impression of her doing that too. He had her speaking in Latin and freaking out.
Howard said she's not better than Eric the Actor but she's right up there with Wack Packers. Robin asked if they think she's a virgin. Howard and Shuli said absolutely. Robin wondered if that bothers her. Howard said he thinks she would like romantic love. Shuli said she has been in love. He said she talks about these two dudes who were both behind this Dracula fascination she has. He said she puts together this one woman dance show and she invites the two guys and it's huge for her. He said neither of them showed up to the show and she was crushed by that.
Howard played a clip of the host of that radio show asking Suzanne what trait she dislikes about herself. Suzanne said she yelps when she gets upset about something. Robin said that's not looking very deeply at your shortcomings.
Howard said Suzanne ended the interview talking about Green Eggs and Ham. She was saying that March 2nd and the 17th are the right days to do the green eggs thing. She said you can add green food coloring into scrambled eggs to make them green.
Howard said kudos to the Will Keenan show in Cape May, New Jersey for that interview. He said they got that all on tape for them.
Howard said Jeff the Drunk is on the line for Shuli. He asked Jeff why he would call Shuli while he's on the air. Jeff said his calls all go to voicemail and he was trying to prove that. Shuli asked why he can't just leave a message. Jeff said it's full and he can't leave a message, ever. He said it's been this way for months. Howard said Shuli doesn't work for him so he doesn't have to take his calls. Jeff said even if he wanted to leave a message he cant. Howard said it's probably full from him calling every 5 minutes. Jeff said it's from Erik, not him. Howard asked Jeff what he needs. Howard said he's looking at Shuli's phone on Zoom now and it's not full. Shuli said it is full but it's full of Underdog, Tan Mom, Sour Shoes and others. He said this is just over the past 24 hours. He asked Jeff what he had to talk about. Howard said Jeff hung up.
Shuli said Jeff is a baby. He said he would be out shopping and he'd get a call from Jeff and all he was asking was ''what's going on?'' Howard played a song parody about how boring Jeff is.
Howard took Jeff's call again and Jeff was yelling about how he's not wrong. Howard said he is wrong. Jeff said Howard is wrong and Shuli is wrong. Howard asked what he had to tell him that was so important. Jeff said he was just making a point that he can't leave a message. Howard asked what the message was about. Jeff said it was about not being able to leave a message. Howard said he wanted to call Shuli and leave a message that he can't leave a message. Jeff said that's it. Howard said he must have called him for a reason the first time. He asked what he called him about when he wasn't able to leave a message. Jeff said that was months ago.
Howard asked what the message was. Jeff said he can't remember. He said that the message today was about how he can't leave a message. Howard said there was a point that he called to leave a message and he wasn't able to leave one so what was that about. Jeff said he called to tell him Shuli's wrong and he's right.
Jeff told Howard he got his urinal in and he has a night light in it. Howard said he would like that actually. Howard said he has to take another break. He said he has a bunch of things to talk about.
Howard said he has Herman on the phone from heaven. He took the call and Herman said he has a lot of time to talk since he has nothing to do up there. Howard asked him about going to the rally and not social distancing. Herman said he is now from 6 feet under. Howard asked about the rally and Herman said he didn't get it at the rally, he got it from a pizza that Jimmy Fallon sent him. He said he was just joking and of course he got it from the rally.
Herman asked if he watched the Democratic National Convention convention last night. Howard said he did not. Herman said he'd like Robin Ophelia to march for him across his back. He said that she said she's playing a character on the show and he's only playing a horny man who is infatuated with her.
Howard said the point is that he's not bitter from his death. Herman said he hopes Trump wins. He said that he had literally one black supporter and he killed him. He said Chappelle can't even write shit that good. Howard said Trump should have protected him at that rally. Herman said he is unique. Howard wrapped up with fake Herman. Herman said he wants to remind all of his listeners to please wear a mask. Howard said that's a great thing to end on. Herman said that masks are for pussies. He said his real last message is to tell High Pitch Erik that he'll see him soon. Howard said he'll take a break and bring the guys in. He said they're taking a little break so they have their Labor Day phony phone-a-thon on Labor Day weekend. He said that's 3 days of phony phone calls. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about the Collective Soul song. Howard said they all know who they're singing about in that song. Robin said yeah, Benjy. Howard asked how Benjy is doing. He asked if he's alright. He said someone told him that he decided to see a psychiatrist and he chose her because she was hot. He said then you wonder if she's a real psychiatrist. Howard said now he's not thrilled because he saw that she's married.
Benjy got on and Howard said it looks like he lost some weight. Benjy said he's down to 207 and a half. Howard asked how heavy he was. Benjy said he was 240 about a year ago. He said he was up to 270 at one point. Howard said he's using some discipline. He said good for you.
Howard asked Benjy about starting therapy next week. Benjy said he wanted to start again and he wanted someone on his insurance. He said you don't have a lot to go on other than descriptions on Psychology Today. He said she had a nice face so he figured she'd be nice to talk to on Zoom. Howard said then he found out she's married. Benjy said she's a young woman right out of college. Howard said Benjy is pretty perfect so why does he need therapy. Benjy said he likes therapy. He said he has trouble making decisions. He said it can take months. He said he wanted to get an umbrella earlier in the year and it took him weeks to decide on one.
Howard asked if it's a problem or is it just something he wants to change. Benjy said it does make his life worse so he ends up doing nothing instead of doing something. Benjy said he has two storage units full of stuff and that's because of the decision making. Howard said he's not sure that's the real problem. Benjy said it is something he wants to improve. Benjy said that he's also scared of death. He said you live like you're immortal trying to make the right decision.
Howard asked the Benjy Puppet about going to therapy. Benjy Puppet said he wants to get less blotchy. Howard said they have this puppet and Benjy grew a beard so grey don't look alike anymore. He said that's typical of Benjy.
Benjy told Howard that he had an older psychiatrist a while back and he told her that he picked her because he didn't want to seduce her. He said she told him that they were absolutely not having sex.
Howard asked if Benjy is dying his beard. Benjy said he is. Howard said it's very unnatural looking. Howard said he hears things about Benjy and how he picked up a girl on the street the other day. He said Benjy just doesn't think the rules apply to him. He said the cases have gone down in New York and he thinks that everyone who was supposed to die has died already. Benjy said he wears a mask when he goes out. He said that they talk about how great a job Cuomo did getting it down. He said that he thinks the most vulnerable have died already. Howard said that more would have died if he hadn't taken the steps he did. Benjy said he doesn't know that. He said he thinks it's ridiculous that they're yelling at Florida and Texas. Howard said they're not wearing masks. Benjy said they went through the same thing. Howard said they were enjoying a low level of COVID when New York was having high numbers. He said that they didn't think there was a problem when they had a problem there in New York. He said they warned them that they had to wear masks and they didn't listen. Howard asked what about that doesn't make sense to him. Benjy said asking them to please stay home would be nice. Howard said he's had enough of Benjy.
Benjy said that they're talking about how Trump is doing a terrible job but Cuomo is doing a great job. Howard said he said there is no leadership in this country. He said there's no one saying ''wear a mask.'' He said the guy is saying if you wear a mask you're a pussy. Benjy said he's wearing a mask. Howard said Benjy makes statements that are dopey. Benjy said he's not letting him respond. Howard explained the Texas and Florida thing.
Benjy asked what his point is. Benjy said that it's not cause and effect. Howard said of course it is. He said the way it's spread is through talking and you can knock it down by wearing a mask. Benjy said he doesn't think a mask will stop this. Howard asked why he would say something so dopey. Benjy said it might slow the spread but not stop it. Howard said he better get 10 psychiatrists. He said he can't have a thought process that says it's not proven to prevent COVID. Benjy said that most people will say it will decrease the spread. Robin said knowledgeable people have said that if everyone wore a mask they would cut it down. Benjy said it prevents a percentage of the droplets that come out. Howard said maybe his weight loss was from his brain.
Howard said he was talking to Mike Trainor and he said that Benjy has been very hostile lately. Mike got on and said he loves Benjy but he's worried about him more than anyone eon the staff. He said he snaps at people. Benjy asked if he does. Mike said that he has responses about the whole COVID thing that are over the top. Benjy said that the guys said that they figured everyone has already died. Benjy said he thinks most of the most vulnerable have already died and that's why the numbers are down. Howard said the numbers have died down because many people... Benjy cut him off. Howard said he guarantees his psychiatrist will give up her job after 5 appointments with him. Benjy said she has already moved some appointments around.
Howard said that Benjy's thought process is way out there. Benjy said that he didn't say everyone has died already. He said a lot of the deaths were from that group.
Gary said people think he's hostile because someone cracked a joke yesterday about adoption and Benjy freaked out on Richard for making a comment about adoption. Benjy said they joke about him being adopted and he loves his parents so he was just joking around about that. Howard said good talking to you Benjy. He said now they know how he is. Benjy said he'll see them in another 40 pounds.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked why he's even entertaining this with Benjy. Howard said he was just talking about how he found out about Benjy picking that therapist because of her looks. He said he wanted to talk to him like a regular guy and it didn't work. He said he'll try that again in a few months. Ralph said he can't be that fucking stupid. He said it has to be a bit. Howard said he doesn't get it. He said he's not sure if he's real or not.
Ralph asked Benjy how he can think the masks don't help. He said if everyone wore a mask they would clear it up in 4-6 weeks. Benjy said there are tons of doctors who would say what he says. He said they will say it won't end it but it will reduce it. He said he's not saying not to wear a mask. He said two years ago they would have been great too.
Howard said people are morons so you have to make people wear masks. Benjy said to say it will end it in 4-6 weeks is wrong. Howard said they have gotten it under control in other countries. He said that's what we need to do.
Howard asked if Ralph has been arguing with Benjy on Twitter. Ralph said he said something to him and made a crack and Benjy got angry with him. Benjy said he said something to him so he said something back. Benjy said he's new to watching TV and Ralph said something to him about that. Ralph said he should be watching TV as part of his job. Benjy said he watched The Kissing Booth and loved it like Howard did. He said he's not joking about that either. Howard let Benjy go after that. He also let Benjy Puppet go.
Robin said please mark this day on the calendar to make sure we don't do this for another 3 months. Howard said how about 6 months. He said he really does go into this thinking that Benjy is a smart guy but then he does that mask thing and he zones out. He said he really does try. Robin said she didn't expect it to go that way either. Howard said he likes Benjy very much and he's trying to work with him. He said it's kind of like eating fast food. He said you try it a few months and then realize it's not that great. He said then you go back to it in a few months and try it again.
Robin said she hopes the therapist wears some ear plugs and nods her head. Howard said she has already canceled some appointments. He said he does love Benjy though.
Howard took a call from a woman who said he's being too tough on Benjy. It was Wendy the Slow Adult clips. The guys were playing her saying she wanted more Benjy. They had her coughing and saying ''yes'' to all of Howard's questions. Howard asked question after question and Wendy answered yes to everything. He asked if she is Benjy's soul mate. She said yes to that. Howard asked if he should run for public office. Wendy's answer was yes. She said hi to Jimble Kimble too. Howard asked her to stay on topic. Wendy said yes to dating Benjy during the pandemic even if he has COVID-19. She said she likes his beard color and his weight loss. She liked him in the Sharknado movies too.
Howard asked if they have asked every conceivable Benjy question there ever was. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if they should clean out the computer or talk to her the rest of the show. Wendy clips said yes.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's on her way to care for her 86 year old mom and she missed a few minutes. She said his point is so ridiculous. She said that New York had more cases than some countries around the world. She said people flew in from all over the place and they had no response from the federal government. She said they said it was going to disappear by February or March. She said Cuomo flattened the curve by shutting everything down. She said shame on Florida and Texas for not doing that. She said Cuomo did what the Federal government should have done. Howard said the man is a hero as far as he's concerned. He said he's a leader. He said it's not fun to be a leader. He said thank god for this guy and what he's trying to do. Howard said if he was leaning that way he'd blow this gentleman.
The caller said all we have right now is masks. Howard said putting Jared Kushner in charge, he's not sure what went on there. He said the response has been ''it'll go away soon.''
The caller said her daughter went to South Carolina and she came home and quarantined for 2 weeks. She said she took a test and it took 2 and a half weeks to get the results. Howard said she has said enough. He told her it was very well said.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's the one person in the audience who loves Benjy and he was so proud of him until that something in his head snaps and he fucks it all up. He said he's a lovable moron. Howard said he likes Benjy and he is an interesting character. He said he hops the therapy works for him.
Howard asked Gary what they're going to hear first. Gary said Sal has a game to play called Ronnie Offensive Sex Tips. Sal got on and said that he has clip of some of the more offensive things that Ronnie wanted to do sex tips about. Howard played a clip of a bunch of Ronnie's sex tips he's done in the past.
Sal said this game is where they ask Ronnie to do sex tips about things and they have to guess if he would do them or not. He said the first one is a pedophile sex tip. Howard said he doesn't think he'd do that. Howard played a clip of Ronnie responding to that and saying he's not doing that.
Howard said they were right. He said way to go Ronnie. Howard said this game isn't very hard. Sal asked if Ronnie was willing to record fucking someone in a coma sex tip. Howard said he thinks he would. Robin said that's rape. She said no way. Howard played the clip and it was Ronnie doing a sex tip about doing someone in a coma. Howard said he got one up on Robin with that one.
Sal asked if Ronnie was willing to record a sex tip about how a priest could molest a boy. Robin said she's going with yes. Howard said no. Howard played the clip and Ronnie was doing a sex tip for how priests can molest boys. Howard asked why he would record that. Ronnie said it's funny. He said it was a joke. Howard said he doesn't know about that.
Howard said Ronnie is so sexed up. He asked what the difference is between that and a pedophile. Ronnie said he has different views on different things. He said it means that the priest thing is like the Priest and Boy bit. He said it's a bit and a joke. Howard said that pedophilia is the same thing as a priest molesting a boy. Ronnie said this was a joke though. Gary said in this one the priest is the buffer. He said the pedophile thing would be Ronnie doing it so that's different.
Howard said Ronnie has a bunch of VHS tapes with porn on them. Ronnie said he keeps them in the boiler room. Howard asked how they work after being in there. Ronnie said he picks out a collection and brings them up. Howard said his bookshelf has zero books on it. He said it's full of NASCAR shit. Ronnie said when he bought the shelf it was for books, DVDs, CDs or VHS tapes. He said that's why he bought it.
Jason asked how long he's had this stuff. Ronnie said some of it is really old. He said they have some amateur porn. He said they got it way before the show got this stuff. He said he used to order it through the mail. Howard asked if he has a VHS player. Ronnie said he doesn't. He said it's just on the book shelf. He said one of the tapes is pulled out a little bit and you can't even use it.
Howard said there's so much free porn out there on the internet. He said he still has his DVD player and still uses it. Ronnie said he does use the DVD player. He said he likes that because you get it on a big screen instead of the computer. Gary said you can cast your computer to any huge screen. Ronnie said he knows that but you want that stuff immediately. Gary said it's faster than going to the boiler room. Ronnie said he has a supply upstairs. He said he puts some stuff back and takes out the new stuff. He said Stephanie likes the girl on girl stuff so he has that for her. Howard asked if he ever gets tired of the same DVDs. Ronnie said he has like 100 of them. He said they used to get boxes of this shit at K-Rock. He said he'd take it home and save it.
Jason asked if he uses it to jerk off. Ronnie doesn't jerk off. Ronnie said he and Stephanie watch it together.
Howard said he'd imagine that she'd like the young woman, old man porn. He said that maybe they should be fucking around with some other girls. Ronnie said he won't say they have or haven't. The guys said that means he has. Ronnie said he's not saying yes or no.
Howard asked if Stephanie is more into girls than guys. Ronnie said she may have experienced it or not. Shuli said he saw them in a strip club in Florida and they were picking out girls like they were picking out lobsters in a restaurant. Ronnie said they enjoy their sex life and enjoy doing it together.
Howard asked if Ronnie would be upset if Stephanie had sex with a girl behind his back. Ronnie said he probably would be upset. He said he's sure that she's had a good time with the girls when she has gone out.
Gary said Chris has a bone to pick with Ronnie. Chris got on and said he doesn't buy when guys say they don't jerk off. Ronnie said he has jerked off with Stephanie. He said he can count on one hand the number of times he's jerked off alone while he's been with her. Chris said he doesn't believe that she wants it when he wants it. Ronnie said he has done that like 5 times. He said she just went through a health thing and she wasn't in the mood but she made sure he was taken care of. Howard asked if he told her she had to jerk him off. Ronnie said he didn't make her do anything. He said she came to him. He said it was her idea. He said it was 6 weeks and she made sure he was taken care of. Howard asked what she did. Ronnie said he didn't have to jerk off. He said she did it for him. He said she'd do it when they went to bed.
The guys were asking a lot of questions like where he finishes. Ronnie said wherever he finishes. Shuli sounded disgusted.
Chris said he thinks that Jon Hein is bullshitting about never jerking off. He said he believes Jon Hein's story about 80 blow jobs.
Howard asked why Jon would lie about the jerking off. Gary said he knows Jon loves hot women and he thinks he'd talk about it. He said he likes that Tatiana Maslany from Orphan Black. Howard said he thinks Jon jerks off but he keeps it quiet because he doesn't want his wife to know.
Jon got on and said that it's a difficult discussion to have right now because of where he's at. Howard asked if he thinks his wife would be upset if he said he jerks off. Jon said no. He said he is telling the truth about that. He said Howard has talked about refraining from it. Howard said he has tried but he didn't last. Robin said he lasted about 2 days. Howard said he doesn't bother Beth with that all the time. He said he takes care of himself.
Howard asked what happened to the Ronnie game. He said they were playing and got sidetracked.
Gary asked when Jon last jerked off. Jon said he can't remember. Chris asked if that's beneath him to do that. Jon said that has nothing to do with it. Shuli asked if it upsets him that Gary has a list of women that he'd jerk off to. Jon said not at all. He said that Tatiana is a great actress.
Jon said he and his wife are very compatible and he never really watches porn either. Howard asked Jon who he is attracted to other than Tatiana. Jon said Olivia Wilde, Elle McPherson... He said he's trying to think of others.
Howard asked Ronnie who he's into. Ronnie said there was a show on FOX that he can't remember the name of. He said the guy's father was a murderer. He said the sister on that show was gorgeous. Howard said that was Prodigal Son. Howard said he got sick of that show. Ronnie said he watched just to see that chick (Halston Sage).
Howard said they have to get back to the game. Sal asked if Ronnie was willing to record how to take a load to the face. Howard said he thinks that would be gay to Ronnie. He said he's going to say that Ronnie said no. Howard had the clip play and Ronnie said no to taking loads to his face.
Sal said they asked Ronnie if he would do a sex tip for fucking a nuclear holocaust victim. Robin said she's going to say yes. Howard played the clip and it was Ronnie doing the sex tip for that.
Sal asked if Ronnie will do a tip for a dead NASCAR driver. Howard said no way. Robin said she's saying no as well. Howard played the clip and Ronnie said no way he's doing that because he'll be banned from ''Daytoner'' if he did.
Howard said how about one more and they're done. Sal said he'll pick out a random one. He asked if Ronnie would be willing to do a having sex with a dog sex tip. Howard said yes. Robin said no way. Howard played the clip and Ronnie was doing a sex tip on how to fuck a dog. Howard cut it off before it finished. Howard said it scares him that he knows him so well.
Mariann asked if the George Takei Line was ''I was ravenous.'' Howard said it wasn't that. He said he was doing his voice all day yesterday though. He did his impression of George and how he was walking around all day doing that after the interview.
Howard said he wrote an email to the guys for coming on yesterday. He said it was great. He said he got a lovely note back and that was great. He said the fans love them too. Robin said absolutely. She said she loves watching the two of them together.
Howard read some fan feedback about George and Brad. He had a bunch of positive emails from the fans about the interview. He said they loved the William Shatner call and said whoever it was doing that impression was very good.
Howard said this is odd. He said the real Shatner tweeted a back handed compliment for George. Howard read the quote. He wondered if it was from the real Shatner. Jason said it was his account that tweeted it out.
Howard said that there are people who still aren't sure if Ralph is gay or not. Howard read some feedback about that.
Howard said the fans were writing in about Metallica and the video they released of their performances. Howard read some of that feedback. He said people were happy that they were able to have them performing like that on the show. Howard said it really is amazing they are able to do that. He said people are Zooming but there must be other companies that do that. Jason and Robin said there are a bunch. Robin said Zoom is so big that people are using ''Zoom'' like they use the word Kleenex. Sal said they went from $60 a share to over $200 a share. Gary asked how they make money. Jason said there are paid accounts. Howard said you want that paid account.
Jason said that Microsoft and Google turned their video conferencing into a Zoom like look. Howard said he has a friend who asked why he didn't use this other service and he told him that Zoom just works better.
Howard read more about Metallica and what the fans were saying. Howard said that people wrote in about the Alex Jones bit they did. He said the fans loved that. He said go to the app and see for yourself what was happening. He said it's a full blown puppet show going on there.
Howard had Ronnie conduct the game. Ronnie said they'll play a clip and he has to guess if it's a firework or a girl getting fucked. They played a clip and it was a strange noise. Howard guessed it was a firework. Robin agreed. Howard played the clip and it was a firework. Howard said his cats go into hiding when they light these things off. Robin said her cats are fine. Howard said his dog Bianca used to freak out too. Gary said his dog goes into their closet and shakes while it's going on.
Howard had Ronnie do the next one. They played a clip of a woman screaming. It was obvious it was a woman screaming. Robin and Howard both got it right saying it was a woman having sex.
Ronnie had them play another one. It was obviously a firework. Howard said this game might be too easy. Howard had them play another one. They played another one and it sounded like a firework but it was a woman having sex.
Howard said now it's getting interesting. Ronnie had them play clip 13. They played one and Howard said firework. Robin guessed it was a woman. Howard said it has to be a firework. They played the clip and it was a woman having sex. Howard had them play that a couple of times.
Ronnie had the guys play another clip. Howard and Robin both said it was a firework. They were wrong. It was a woman screaming with a really high pitch sound. Robin said she has never heard a human make a noise like that.
Ronnie had the guys play another clip. Howard said that's a woman. Robin said firework. It turned out to be a woman making an odd noise. Robin said if people don't think humans are animals just listen to that.
Howard took a call from Ralph and told him that people thought he was gay for wanting that painting of Brad. Ralph said first of all you hardly see anything in the painting. Hard said he thought there was a whole penis there. Robin said that little thing is his penis. Howard said that's big. Ralph said he hardly sees it. Howard said he thought it was the thing above the pillow. It was actually a shadow. Howard said he had it wrong.
Ralph said he has to say that Zoom shows that Apple has blown it again. He said they let Zoom take control of video conferencing and they pretty much invented it. He said come on retards, make something. Howard said Ralph hasn't made anything but sitting at home and he's calling them names.
Howard said he's sorry he got them all hyped up to see Brad's penis and it turns out it's just a shadow. He said he thought it was a huge cock. He said no wonder George said it wasn't erect. Howard said he must have been imagining cock. Robin said maybe he should look into that. Howard said maybe he needs a psychiatrist.
Howard asked Gary if that's it. Gary said they have more to do but he's not sure how much more time he wants to spend.
Howard had Ronnie give them another clip. They played a screaming sound and Howard and Robin said firework but Robin changed it to woman. They played the audio and it was a firework screaming.
Howard said maybe they can do Jason's package and get out of there. Jason said he has some show references on shows and you know they're really listening to the show because they're so inside. He said they talk about the Benjy Vortex and back in 2016 they had a guy drop a Benjy Vortex reference. He had Howard play the clip of Mark Grant doing that. Gary said he does the Wrap Up Show all the time. Howard said it might be better to drop something more recognizable.
Jason said he has another one where a reporter does Richard's dad during a news report. The guys played the clip and the weather guy was doing the impression. Howard said no one pays attention to the weather on radio shows.
Jason said Horatio Sanz played a character where he calls into the show in a scene on ''Black Monday.'' Gary said that show takes place in the late 1980s.
Jason said there's an animates series called Big Mouth and they had to put together a montage because they have so many references. He had the guys play that. They had a bunch of ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' a ''Whoa, whoa, whoa stop the clock'' and a bunch of others.
Howard said he never knows what anyone is talking about in these animated shows. Gary said that one is phenomenal. He said that it's about kids discovering their sexuality. He said it's based on one of the guys cumming in his pants when he was a kid on a date.
Jason said that the Harley Quinn cartoon on HBO Max is really good. He said it's not for jerking off but it's really good.
Jason had another clip from a news program that read a happy valentine's day message from Sal to Richard and showed a picture of them while they did it. They played that and Howard said there are a lot of fans out there.
Howard said their annual labor day Phony-Phone-A-Thon is on for this Labor Day. He said its on Saturday, Sunday and Monday over Labor Day. He said it's 3 days of nonsense.
Howard got in a plug for Gardein who sponsored the show today. The guys all spent a little time talking about how good their food is. They were sharing stories about the stuff they've tried. Howard ended the show around 10:30am.