Howard started the show talking about how he can't read what's on the phones or screens. He said grey should play a song and they'll fix those problems. He said they'll be back in 2 seconds. He said this is part of reality of working from home. He had the guys play something. They played Nirvana's ''Smells like Teen Spirit.''
Howard came back a couple of minutes later and said he's in a shitty mood. He said not because of this but because of his lack of sleep. He said he had a lot of shit on his mind last night so he was up at 3 in the morning. He said now he's all aggravated and annoyed. He asked if they remember when he had people to fix things for him. Robin asked how many years ago that was. Howard said this shit is getting old.
Robin said they have problems and they have to fix them too. Howard said he wanted to boil some water but the machine he has for that blew out the equipment. He said he hates everything. He said he loves the kettle but hates having to think of the name of it. He said it takes a lot of power to work and it blows things out there. Robin wondered why it requires so much power. Howard said they should invent one that takes less. Robin said they should be able to do that. Howard said he used to have a whole team to heat his water. He said he wants to go get some water but he has to leave that part of the house to get it. He said it's out past this curtain and to the right up the stairs. Howard asked where his water woman is and where his shusher is. Robin said if they were there he'd b running from them.
Howard said he had people to staple things for him. He said now he has no one. He said he used to get to yell at someone if his hot water wasn't right. He said he had to text Beth asking for some cups for the hot water.
Howard said he had to organize his notes and listen to the guys and then boil water but he never got the water done. Robin said he has to sit up and sit down. Howard said he could have gotten it during the Rob Zombie song but he didn't think people wanted to sit through that whole song.
Howard said he used to have someone to check on his pens. He said now he has pens, markers and a bottle of Purell in the same cup now. He said all of his cups are dirty. He said Beth tells him to bring them up and she'll clean them. He said he's too tired to do that.
Robin said she had recommended this machine to him and they work great at keeping the dust out of the room. Howard said he doesn't have a Captain Dennis to help clean the filers. He said he had those air purifiers but they take work to maintain. He said he opened this thing up and he it had these instructions that made him dizzy. He said they need the filters cleaned every few days. He said he told Beth to throw them out. He said Robin doesn't have to do any of that. He said that she's not doing anything to them.
Howard said he had to Roomba his bathroom and it was picking up a lot of hair. He said that's one of his chores. He said he's supposed to be talent and he's not supposed to be doing all of this stuff. Robin said people would have their heads chopped off for not doing that stuff. Howard said if he knew he had to fix his equipment in his basement he'd be selling cars. He said that's much easier.
Howard said when he first got on radio he was running everything in that small station in Westchester. He said he didn't have to clean though. He said now it's worse than when he started in radio. He said they have to work out the technical problems. He said they are lucky grey get to work from home. He said he's trying to stay positive.
Robin said that she thought he was going to lose it earlier. Howard said he just want some water. He said he hates asking Beth to do anything for him. He said she does so much already. He said he hates asking her for a coffee cup. He said she does enough around there. He said she's handing 90 percent of the cleaning around there. He said today she's cleaning the sheets.
Robin said you'd think that they had 50 people there. Howard said he keeps saying making the ''beds'' but they have just one bed. He said that people thought they caught him saying that Beth sleeps in a different bed. He said they have cats and they don't let them sleep in their bedroom. He said one of the cats came in while they were changing the sheets and Beth took a picture. He said she posted it and people thought he was lying about them not letting the cats in there. He said he got annoyed and almost started posting.
Howard said he didn't have time to get a coffee mug this morning so he asked Beth to get it. He said he's also on the rag. He said it's his time of month. He said he gets his period still at his age. He said everyone at his age is in menopause. He said it's so great.
Howard said when Natalie joined the band they already had the name of the band. He said they were thinking about changing the name back in 2003. He said they were going to change it to MEN because it's Marty, Emily and Natalie. He said they could just call themselves The. He said that they don't pick great names.
Howard said Natalie wrote him over the weekend because she wanted to come on the show. He said then she said that she recorded a new version of the Rob Zombie song. He asked if she can do that. He said it's not easy to do. He played some of the song and Robin said she loves that. She said they should use that once in a while.
Howard said Beetlejuice also came up with a new song. He said that they got him in the studio again. Howard asked where that song is. The guys let him know but he was having trouble getting to it. Will got on and told him how to scroll up. Howard said fuck you in a joking way.
Howard had the new Beetlejuice song and played that. They had Beetlejuice singing ''Get Your Beet On.'' They had his vomiting sound as part of the song.
Howard asked why she got the cup. Beth said she was listening waiting to hear Natalie. She heard he wanted one. Howard said he should set up the water thing every morning. Beth said she can bring it to him. Howard said he can't ask her to do more for him. He said she does enough for him. He said he was doing Peloton the other day and she was lugging carpet upstairs. He said it was a full carpet. He said she was hauling it up and he was doing Peloton and didn't want to stop. Beth said she asked him to carry the carpet down with her and 5 days went by and it was still there. She said she had to carry it down.
Howard said he saw the rug and he asked what she wanted to do with it. He said she wanted to bring it down. He told her not to yet. He said he asked her to wait a day. He said he waited and then she walks in and she's a martyr. He said she brought it down herself. He said she told him not to do anything with it. He said she wont communicate what she wants. He said he asks her to tell him what she wants done so he can do it. Howard said if he brought the carpet down she would have told him not to.
Beth said his water is getting cold. Howard told her to stay. She wanted to leave. Howard said she can go get the chair up in the garage. She said she was going to pass out from standing too much.
Howard said he had his shirt off the other day and he looks flabby. He said he can't do sit ups because he's too tired. He said if she let him carry stuff around he'd look like Rocky.
Howard said he doesn't know what to do. He said he's going to give her a reward and have sex tonight. Beth asked if he told everyone what they did. Howard said they got an advance of Kissing Booth 2. He said they watched the first one to catch up and then watched the second one. He said they heard him talking about it last week. He said it's so embarrassing that they love it. He said 1 is better than 2. He said 2 is great though. He said the first one was great. He said they should make a series out of it.
Howard said Beth asked him how old he is when they watched it. He said they watched it in bed and they went to sleep after. Beth said she's going to change the sheets and she has a lot to do today. Howard said he'd like to see the sheets tucked in. He said he was just joking about that.
Beth said to say high to Natalie for her. She said she loves the new album. Robin said she heard some of it and it's really good. Beth said that everything she does is great.
Howard let Beth leave after that. Howard said she's so tan and that's not good. He said it's ridiculous. He said she's so tan. Robin said she must have gotten a lot of sun. Howard said it's not good to be in the sun. He said his dermatologist told him to wear suntan lotion indoors. He said Dr. Agus tells him to get some sun because he's low on vitamin D. He said it's so confusing.
Howard said his dermatologist is the whitest guy he has ever seen. He said he thought about taking a vitamin D supplement but he was told not to.
Howard said he's so tired. He said Jimmy is trying to kill him. He said Beth tells him about the food and he tells her to throw it out. He said Beth loves pizza. He said they can't eat that. He said she said it was like 7 boxes of pizza. He said they have been quarantined from March 12th and they let stuff quarantine in the garage for a few days. He said that they don't know who made it. He said Jimmy didn't make it and bring it over.
Robin asked if they came in regular boxes. Howard said no. He said it didn't have the pizza guy on it but they were brown boxes. He said they weren't regular boxes.
Howard said it was nice of Jimmy to send the pizza over but he doesn't know who brought it over and how it got there. He said the box from Sirius was there for 5 days and this pizza shows up. He said Beth wanted to eat it so she brought the boxes in. He said she brought them all in. He said they looked really good. He said they had all kinds of different pizzas.
Ralph said Beth could have gone out and gotten a piece on a plate in the garage. Howard said if Beth gets Coronavirus then he's going to get it. He said he doesn't want it.
Howard said Beth was looking at the pizza and wanted to eat it. He said he wanted some too but he had to be strong. He said Beth took a bite and she said ''Mmmm!'' He said it was that sound that you make when it's really good. He said he gets it. He said he had to stand his ground. He said he shouldn't have let her out of there.
Howard said she ate the pizza and froze the rest of it. He said it almost destroyed his marriage. Robin asked if he was getting food from restaurants. Howard said he has a tight plan to get the food in there. He said Beth touches everything. He said she won't microwave her food. He said they have a bit of a tiff over this stuff.
Howard asked Beth to come down and bring a chair with her. He said she needs to talk about this.
Howard asked Ralph what he wanted to say. Ralph said he was thinking about how horrible this must be for him. He said he had people to do everything for him. Howard said he was treated like a quadriplegic and now he has to do everything himself. He said he had to do nothing but his own pleasures. He said suddenly he doesn't have Ralph organizing his underwear.
Robin asked if Ralph had the clothing organized for days of the week. Howard said he did. He said he's not sure how he's doing it. He said he's like Eddie Murphy in the movie Coming to America. He said he had to go work at a McDowell's in the movie. He said that he used to ask Beth to dress up like a French Maid for fun and now she's actually using that outfit to clean the house.
Howard said he would have moved that carpet for Beth but she didn't tell him where to put it. He said he went down the stairs the other day and saw a Poland Spring bottle on the steps. He said he didn't know what it was for. He said he didn't know if she was saving it for something. He said Beth said to him that he walked right by it and didn't bring it down. He said he assumed she had it there for a reason. He said he asked her where she wanted the carpet and she didn't want it moved. He said it's very confusing to him.
Howard said he asked Beth if he wanted him to move it and she said no. He said if he did move it then he'd be wrong for moving it. Robin said he knew she wanted it moved. Howard said she told him not to take it down. Robin said she said not right now. Howard said she didn't want it taken down. He said he's a reasonable guy and he's always right. Ralph said he is in this case.
Howard said he moved the Roomba the other day and put it on the docking station. He got all worked up and frustrated. Robin said they have this thing called communication. Howard said he would talk to Beth about it but he can't read her mind. He said she thinks he's the Long Island Medium or something.
Howard said the other day he left a note by the dishwasher and told her he put some things in there. He wasn't sure if she knew he did that.
Robin asked how he takes care of his nails and toe nails. Howard said Beth does that for him. He said he's like a cat. He said his vision has changed as he's gotten older. He said he can't see his toe nails so Beth has to help with those. He said he can do his finger nails. He said he gets out of the shower and he puts his foot up on the counter and his balls and dick are hanging there. He said his belly is big. He said he looks at his clipper and he tries to do it himself. He said he would cut too close to the base and he'd bleed. He said he can't see the nails. He said he was doing it by intuition.
Howard said Beth has agreed to cut his toe nails. He said that she just does the toes. He said he has to shower first. He said then she clips them. He said he tells her how bad he feels for her to do that. He said she doesn't care.
Howard said he can't ask her to do more for him. He said that's why he won't ask her to bring him water. He said she's ripped from doing house work. He said he sees people who work out at the gym and don't do anything at home. He said they're lazy fucks. He said Beth isn't lazy at all.
Howard said he was working out when Beth was moving that carpet. He said he wasn't able to stop. He said he was in Hannah Corbin's class on Peloton. He said Hannah is an ex dancer and she only wears the tittie tops. He said she never shows her belly button though. He said they must have a rule over there about that. He said she should lower her stretch pants to show it. He said she has a great body and she's not showing it. He said if she showed her belly button the class would be more fun. He said sometimes she dances on the bike and he has to admit it's pretty sexual. He said then she'll talk about her husband and she's cock blocking everyone. He said no one wants to hear about her husband. Howard said they must glue her pants to her body so they don't slip down.
Howard said Hannah was asking the people in the class to get her an invite over to Jenn Sherman's house. Howard said he was thinking about how she's giving him another job to do and he's not going to do that. He said he's doing whatever she tells him to do on this thing.
Howard said Hannah was talking about the moves to make and she odes this move that he demonstrated to Robin. He said then she brings up her husband. He said she's basically telling him that she's not into him because she has a husband.
Howard said Hannah is pretty hot though. Ralph asked who is hotter. Howard said they're both hot. He said he likes them all. He said he won't take any classes with male instructors. He said he can't do that. He said that they have a lot of diversity there at Peloton. He said he only wants to work out with the women though.
Howard asked Benjy if he ever takes Hannah's class. Benjy got on and said he does know her. He said he has a picture with her. He said he took her class in person. Benjy said she seems like a robot to him. He said she's too perfect to him. He said she's always happy too. Howard said he needs someone like him. He said he likes her because she's very up all the time. Gary said that he feels like she's flirting with him. He said she has that look where she bats her eyelashes. Howard said then she mentions her husband.
Gary said this thing is laid out like a brothel. He said Howard was right about that. He said they have everyone laid out for you to pick from. Howard said he has to have the audio turned up loud because some of the women have accents. He said that he can't understand what they're saying.
Howard said they tell you to drink 100 ounces of water a day and he can't do that. He said he'd be up pishing all night. Ralph asked if there are people in the class working out. Howard said there used to be. Gary said Jenn does it from her house now. Howard said that's way hotter. He said he has to find out what this Hannah Corbin's husband is up to. He said he was thinking of Benjy when she said you have to drink half your body weight in water. He said that Benjy would have to drink a swimming pool.
Benjy said that they have to have a sign that says please don't touch your instructor in the class.
Howard asked Benjy if he's afraid to go on a date during COVID-19. Benjy said sort of. He said he worries about it but he takes some precautions. Benjy said things aren't that different out there now. He said that there are people in bars and stuff. Howard said he heard the girl met him and quickly left. Benjy said he has had several dates. He said one date recently asked how he was getting home halfway into the date. He said she had lasted about 15 minutes or so. He said he has had some good dates though. Howard asked if he was crushed. Benjy said for a second but it doesn't bother him that much. Howard said that's because he's ill. Ralph said he'd never leave the house again.
Howard said he's so glad he's not dating on apps. He said he can look good in some pictures but when the girl sees him in person it's different. He said that even Robin was shocked when she saw him in person after seeing a photo of him. He said she didn't think it was the same person. Robin said that's right.
Howard said his Detroit publicity photo from WWWW was magnificent. He said he looked like Brad Pitt. He said Robin wanted to see him and she thought it was going to be a problem working with him. He said she meets him and asks where the guy is who was in the photo. He said she thought it was someone different.
Howard said you know what Benjy does on a date. Robin said Benjy has his beard shaved and he has a cap pulled over most of his face.
Howard asked if Benjy is coloring his beard. Benjy said he puts henna in it. Gary said that's the definition of coloring. Howard said it's food coloring. Ralph said this is one of those assholes who is out at bars. He said he's fucking stupid.
Howard said Ralph has to carry mace with him because he yells at people not wearing masks. Ralph said he hasn't had to use it yet. Benjy asked where he's going that's different than where he's going. Ralph said they have posted signs in this promenade area where they ask you to war masks and people aren't wearing masks. He said just wait until the fall when everyone is going to die.
Howard said he has a dear friend who was in the city and he walks into his building and the door man is wearing a mask. He said he goes to the elevator and this guy isn't wearing one. He said this guy is an older man. He said he asked the guy to social distance himself from him and he did that but he wasn't wearing a mask. Howard said people are just dicks.
Howard said that Ralph wanted to talk to the mayor directly and they hung up on him when he called. Ralph asked if it's a law to have to wear a mask or not. He said that's what he wanted to know. He said no one is enforcing it. He said he can't leave the house and it's aggravating as fuck.
Howard said it sounds like dating during Coronavirus it must be cheaper. Benjy said that he still has to buy stuff. He said you can still go to an outdoor bar. He said you sit outside but you still have to buy drinks.
Howard asked if Benjy has gotten laid during Coronavirus. Benjy said no and he's not sure if it's because of Coronavirus or not. Ralph said of course it is. Howard asked if the women are out of there within a half hour of the date. Benjy said sometimes it is.
Howard asked how he gets to the date. Benjy said he will take an Uber or a bike. Howard said Benjy is going to get Coronavirus. Ralph said he hopes so. He said he deserves it.
Howard said Chuck was a good looking guy and he was okay at hosting a game show. He said he wasn't a big success though. He said he's become ultra political. Robin said he's been that way a long time. She said this didn't just start.
Howard said Chuck Wollery tweets out this thing about how everyone is lying about COVID-19. He said that he says everyone like doctors and politicians are lying about it. He said he thinks they're lying for political reasons. He said Trump retweeted that. Howard asked if you can imagine this guy with the IQ of a fly tweeting about this.
Howard said it proves that COVID has a sense of humor. He said Chuck tweets the other day that COVID-19 is real and it's here. He said his son ended up getting it. He said his son tested positive for the virus and now he's shut down his account. Robin asked if the President retweeted that. Howard said he did not. He said you have to love the COVID virus and it's sense of humor. Robin said it did it in a big way telling him to shut up in a big way.
Gary said he's sure that he shut it down because Trump would have had to have explained what he retweeted. Someone said they heard that Twitter shut it down for some of the other things he said.
Howard said he loves that story about the girl leaving the date after 15 minutes. Robin asked about the good dates. Benjy said that one of his dates wanted to kiss but not with their masks off so the rubbed masks together. Ralph said if she was really into him then she would have just ripped the mask off.
Benjy said he went on one date and got lost in her building. He said some guy started chasing him and she had to come down and save him. He said he ended up in the back of the building and she had to come chase the guy away. Howard said he doesn't get the story. He said he doesn't care anyway.
Howard said he loves this story about Johnny Depp and Amber Heard's divorce. He said Johnny claims that either she or her friend shit in his bed. He said he loves that story. Howard said he thinks if he was dating her he would have put up with that when he was younger. Robin asked how bad he could have been for her to do that. Howard said she claims she did it because she thought it was funny.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Benjy wasn't able to get to work on time because he was agoraphobic but he's going on dates during COVID. Howard said he's right. He said Benjy is strange. Gary said when they have their meetings on Friday Benjy is always out doing something. Howard asked why they let him in on the meetings. Gary said it's actually the Happy Hour. He said that he'll put his phone in the basket of the bike he's riding and it's kind of cool at first but then you want to throw up from watching it.
Robin said Benjy probably doesn't have much to do but he decides to go out and do that stuff. Howard said Benjy almost got into a fight during one Happy Hour. Gary said a guy went by and someone almost hit his dog and Benjy asked what his fucking problem was. He said the guy confronted him and Benjy backed right down.
Howard said you have to be very careful. He said he yells at people and he yells so they can't hear him.
Howard said he has to take a break but he has something to play. He said this would have been Chris Cornell's birthday today. He said he would have been 56. He said he's always been a fan of his. He said he has been hearing more and more of their stuff on Lithium and he's just so good. He said he performed ''Black Hole Sun'' on their show once. Howard played some of that. Fred played Robin singing along with that. Howard said he loves his cover versions. He said he did covers of a bunch of songs for them too. He played some of those covers.
Howard said Chris covered Guns N' Roses ''Patience'' and his wife released that for them to premiere on their show. He said that she asked if they wanted to be the first ones to play it. He said this is from 2016. He said he'll share that with you as they go to break. He played the song as they went to break.
Howard came back and asked why he can't hear Robin. Robin said she had her mic off. She said she was laughing at his dancing.
Howard said Natalie Maines will be with them. He said she's with The Chicks which is formerly The Dixie Chicks. He said they have a technical problem right now and Gary is working on that. He said The Chicks have a new album out called Gaslighter and it's the first one in 14 years. He said they came in with Natalie when she had a solo album out. He said The Chicks put out an album 14 years ago. He said he think they had one record left in their deal with Sony. He said all of the women were divorced and angry so they wrote a bunch more songs. He said they went berserk. He said the album has gotten rave reviews.
Howard said he has a lot to talk to Natalie about. He said she isn't afraid to voice her opinion. He said she'll speak out against the President or Bobo or whoever. He said she spoke out about Iraq and she was right about that. He said there's an article in the NY Times with Colin Powell and that was very interesting. He said that it's important to throw in that the NY Times is a wonderful paper. He said that it looks into things and they reveal things. He said he's still impressed with their reporting. He said the same about the Washington Post.
Robin said she's requesting that the world take us off the super power list. She said we are too stupid to be a super power. She said no one is turning to us for advice on anything. Howard said he heard rumors that people are going on dates to bars.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he understands it's hard to be the old Howard Stern and get guests to come on. He said he wants him to go back to being the old Howard Stern. He said that saying ''retard'' would be one thing. Howard said he's gone through many changes in his career. He said he's trying to evolve as a person and he's comfortable with doing what he's doing. He said if people think he sucks that's fine. The caller said he never said that. Howard said that the word ''retard'' didn't stand the test of time. He said that he's heard from people who have retarded children who were called ''retards'' and that's not cool. He said that he sat down and thought about it. He said the word is fucked up. He said he figured he shouldn't be using it. He said he can't bank his career on it. Howard said he feels really good about not using that word. Robin said elevate yourself. Howard said he feels good not doing that anymore and making people feel bad.
Robin said they were counting how many pennies Sal had in his pouch last week so Howard hasn't gone that high brow. Howard let the caller go after that. Howard said trust that if he does the show longer he's going to change even more. He said get sued to it. He said he really doesn't give a fuck anymore. He said he's going to do what makes him happy and hope it makes you happy whoever you are.
Howard said the rumor he heard is that she's as crazy as he is during Quarantine. He said she hasn't left the house like he hasn't. Natalie said she listens to Howard and she follows what he says. She said she wouldn't have allowed the pizza boxes. Howard said Beth wins every argument. He asked if it's weird to her that people say they're quarantining but they go out and party with friends and things like that. Howard said it's crazy to him.
Natalie said people just don't get it. Howard said it's so crazy. He said he and Robin are fully quarantined. Natalie said she feels alone out there. Robin said they're with her always.
Natalie said that their name The Chicks, is not offensive. Howard said Dixie Chicks wasn't something she came up with. He said it was her partners who came up with it and she joined the band. He said it wasn't her idea to name it. Natalie said when she joined the band they wanted to change the name and she told them the one thing they had that was working was their name. She said they had wanted to name the band the Dixie Chickens after a Little Feet song.
Howard asked if Natalie thought the band was bad and she had to elevate them. Natalie said it wasn't her kind of music. She said she didn't listen to country music. She said they were Western Swing though. She said she knew who they were because her dad knew them. She said she loved Marty and Emily's ability with their instruments. She said you don't see many women play like that. She said she thought they cold do something cool.
Howard said he read that the Dixie Chicks were just The Chicks now he wondered if some people would be offended by ''chicks.'' Natalie said she thinks it's a cool thing. She said that it's better than Broads. She said that Beetlejuice said chicks in the song earlier.
Natalie said that she was on a fund raiser thing with Joe Biden and it was cool to hear him saying The Chicks too.
Natalie said that she saw that Sean Spicer had tweeted about the word Chicks being offensive and he thought that it would be best to just call them ''The.'' Howard said maybe he's not that original coming up with it himself.
Howard said the three Chicks on this album are all divorced and they have kind of created a fantastic new album. He said this is what happens with song writing. He said some of the best songs come out of personal pain. He said that this is a super painful kind of emotion that was brought out. He said the songs are great but there is pain in them. Natalie said that everyone is drawing from their own lives and she was going through that at the time. She said there is pain but it wasn't just pain. She said there are songs for women and there is empowering stuff in there. Natalie said it kind of takes you through a journey. She said it's not all pain. She said it is raw. She said they were writing it in real time as they were going through it. She said she was at least. She said it was revealing and cathartic. She said it was like therapy for her.
Natalie said when the album was going to be released she had to think about who was going to hear it. Howard said some song writers will disguise stuff and you have to think about who it's about. He said he was listening to one of the songs and she sang about one dude going on a boat. He said it was called ''Tights on my Boat.'' He said he's assuming it's all true. Natalie said that part isn't true. She said that was just for fun. Howard said the guy is cheating on his wife and he lies and lies. He said this is the song ''Gaslighter.'' He played some of the song and she sings about this lying guy in it.
Howard said she's singing about how he knows what he did on the boat and how he's lying. Howard said that maybe it was panties on the boat and not tights. Howard asked who even wears tights anymore. He said this song is really raw and she's pissed and angry. Natalie said that anger comes from pain. Howard said he almost picked up the phone to find out how much pain she was in.
Howard said the band owed Sony one more album and they were going to do cover versions of songs. Natalie said that was early on and they realized they weren't going to be allowed to do that. She said they have been under contract since 1995 and they had just one more to release. She said they were going to cover Patty Griffin songs and their manager said they can't do that.
Howard said that the thing she loves is music but she wants to end this thing in 2 weeks. Natalie said they waned to be free agents and get a good contract since they have one from 1995 and it's not that great. Howard said he would think that they had a decent deal back then. He asked how that happened. Natalie said people were still getting ripped off. She said Sony was the only one interested in them though. She said if you got a major label offer you were taking it. She said that now there are so many outlets for your music it's better for the artist for sure.
Howard said back then they had to sign for 7 albums. He said they must have made a lot of money off of them. Natalie said she's sure they did. Natalie said their first single really took off and Sony was surprised by that. She said she thought that Sony was going to give them something nice for their success. She said the mail man came to the door and she got this little box from Sony Music. She said she thought it had keys to a car in it or something. She said it was designer soaps. She said she called her manager asking if that's all they're getting. She said she wanted at least a free TV. She said a couple of weeks later they got TVs but she had to beg for it.
Howard asked Natalie about the deal she had and if she thought it was going to be better. Natalie said they knew that making money you had to go on tour. She said that having Sony behind them helped. She said they weren't looking to make it rich off of the album sales. She said the contract they had they didn't get paid on. She said they had to sue Sony to get paid. Howard said if you get soap from them you must assume they think you smell. He said he should send his staff soap. He said it's like a locker room in there.
Howard asked if it's true in the record business that if you go on a show and you have to have your instruments brought in they take that out of your contact. Natalie said it is taken out of your account until you're in the black. She said that at least they're willing to let you go a million dollars in the hole. She said they must believe in you. She said if you don't make that money back they are out that money. She said there is some risk on their side. She said now they can do promotion from home so it's easier on them. She said she has to dress up from the waist up to do things now and it's so annoying.
Howard said people assume you're rolling in dough but it's not like that. He said it sounds like a horror scene. He asked if they're done with Sony now. Natalie said they'll allow them to put an offer out there. She said they'll have to field offers and see what they can do.
Howard said they have to dive into this album ''Gaslighter.'' Howard said that when couples have a divorce sometimes you can't talk about it. Natalie said there is an NDA there. She said that she was going through things and Marty and Emily have been divorced. She said it wasn't all about her but she was the one going through it. Natalie wondered if they'll play this interview in court. She said she's not sure how much she can get into things but there is a first amendment thing there. Natalie said she's not into talking about what's personal. She said she has two sons and that's more than what most kids have to have the world know. She said she feels like she has pushed the envelope already. Howard said it must be weird to promote this album and not be able to talk about this stuff. He said it has to be tough.
Howard said he was thinking that her ex husband might start a band called The Dicks and write songs about her. Natalie said that would be fine.
Howard said he thinks Natalie has had it with dudes. He said she's pissed. He asked if she's young and beautiful and talented. He said some dude is going to put some move on her when they get out of this pandemic. He asked if she's bitter. Natalie said not at all. She said it's been over 20 years since she dated. She said it feels really strange now. She said she's not sure how to flirt. She said she's not closed off to that but she is closed off to marriage. Howard said he got remarried though. He said you can make that pronouncement but you don't know.
Natalie said she's like Robin in a way and she's fine being alone. She said she has her kids and that's all great. She said she won't go backwards.
Howard said she sings about how it's been too long since someone's body has been tangled with her's. He read the lyrics from ''Texas Man'' and said that's kind of pessimistic. Natalie said it's just honest. Howard said she has had two kids and her body has been traveled. He played some of the song.
Howard said that she sings about being ready. Natalie said that's her version of flirting. Howard said she's going to have her choice of guys. He said some guy will hop into bed with her and fuck her. Natalie said she'll see about that. Howard said she'll be back in the saddle again. Natalie said she might move Flat Ronnie up to her bed tonight.
Howard asked Natalie about another song and Natalie said that she didn't write the lyric he was talking about in that one. It was the song about the tights on the boat. Howard played some of that song.
Howard said don't get a divorce. He said it's a nightmare. Natalie said that song is fun. She said they were just playing with that. She said the first lyric in the song is ''I hope you die peacefully in your sleep... Just kidding.''
Howard asked if she has to prepare the kids for something like that. Natalie said she did talk a bit about it with them. She said her oldest is more open to it. She said she hasn't played it for them. She said they have heard some of the songs but not all of them. She said her youngest is 16 and you let them come to you to talk. She said they are great kids and they've been with her during quarantine. She said that her son Slade graduated a year ago and he's into music. She said the kids aren't going back to school. She said that there is no leadership... She said don't get her started. She said she feels that California has better leadership than some other states but it's crazy that they have a leader like this. She said it's really murder because he's ignoring things and speaking lies. She said it's unbelievable.
Natalie asked Howard about this judges son getting murdered yesterday. Howard said it's horrible. He said she had a lot of things she presided over. He said judges have to be protected or we don't have a society.
Howard said things are crazy here. He said half the country thinks we have to wear masks and the other half don't. He said it's crazy. Natalie said people still aren't doing the right thing. She said everyone has their own rules. Howard said he understands people going to work and taking precautions there. He said to go to a dinner part isn't right. He said just sit home. He said that you go and listen to people drone on at a dinner party.
Howard got back to the album and played some of her song ''Young Man.'' He said this is pretty personal too. He said this is about her sons. Natalie said the one thing you want your kids to hear from you during a divorce, according to her therapist, is that they're not burdened with the things that you are. She said they can take the things they like and get rid of the things they don't.
Howard said this is a song called ''Sleep At Night.'' He played that one and went over some of the lyrics where she sings about this woman that she might have known. Natalie said she can't talk about this. Howard asked if she thinks she'll end up in court over this record. Natalie said she hopes not. She said it took 2 and a half years to get a divorce. She said she doesn't want to go in via satellite. Howard asked if she ever shit in his bed. Natalie said she didn't write about it. Howard played the song and said it's beautiful music. He said he loves this song. Natalie said this was the first one she wrote for the record.
Howard asked how she can get into this. Natalie said that she loved the song that he wrote for Beth. She said that Jack Antonoff was her producer too. Howard said he didn't know this but she met Jack at their Birthday Bash show. Natalie said they were talking and his studio was right around the corner from the apartment she had there. Natalie said Jack asked her to come over and write with him and they did work on some stuff there. She said that his way of writing songs is such a great way of doing it. She talked about how that worked for her. She said the flow was so much better for her with Jack.
Howard said he didn't know that producers worked like that. Natalie said that Rick Rubin was a lot of pre-production. She said that now everyone has a home studio and it's easy and cheap to start at home. She said it's way more easy that way.
Howard asked Natalie about how she and Jack worked together. Natalie said that she will come up with grooves she likes and she likes Miley Cyrus kind of songs so she'll try to do something like that. She said Jack will tap on a drum machine and he comes up with stuff in a minute and a half. She said he'll have a beat loop going. Howard asked if the music or lyrics come first. Natalie said it depends but she likes to have a melody before she comes up with the words.
Howard said he imagines it must be tough to come up with a song because they can sound ridiculous at first. Natalie said with the three of them they have no problem working like that. She said they thought they were going to record this record the hip hop way with a different producer on every song. She said she's not super social but if she finds someone she likes she never lets them go. She said they had written with some other people but then with Jack it felt so comfortable that they stuck with him. She said he's like a brother and you can joke around with him. She said every time Jack was adlibbing lyrics he'd sing about fire and burning it up and tearing it down. She said they'd ask him about what that's about.
Howard said if he had won so many Grammys like Rick had then it must be weird to switch it up to Jack. Natalie said they only made one album with Rick. She talked about some of the other people they worked with over the years. Howard said it's an amazing album. He said he heard that she had the word Gaslighter written down in a book. Natalie said that she came to know it in therapy and then it was brought up with Donald Trump. She said its not actually a word but they have kind of made it up. She said you hear it all the time now.
Howard asked how often she goes to therapy. Natalie said she is not going during quarantine. She asked if she does it via Zoom. Howard said he is. Natalie said she's all fixed just like Robin is. Howard said Robin thought she was cured and left therapy. Howard said everyone is cured but him. He said he's not sure he'll ever get out of it.
Natalie asked if they're going to get Robin's news back any time soon. Howard said they will. He said it's been very challenging doing the show from home. He said they've had challenges getting things done. He said they are working on getting back to everything. He said right now they're not doing it. Natalie said she really misses that. Howard said he really doesn't know what's going on in the world without that.
Howard said the album is called Gaslighter and it's available now. Howard said the one thing he misses is that Natalie would be in the studio performing for them. He said he loves that kind of thing and misses it. He said it's so satisfying. Natalie said they look forward to it because there is no better live performance sound broadcast than Howard's show. She said it's a dream to come on his show. Howard said they worked on that for so long. He said they had to get it right for the bands that came in there. He said they finally got there and now they can't have anyone in. He said he congratulates them on their success.
Howard asked if her favorite song is ''Not Ready To Make Nice.'' Natalie said it was but there are a lot of songs on this new album that are close to her. She said that they had to get that song out back then and that song works for so many people. She said she loves that song. Howard played some of it.
Howard asked if the fans should get rid of their Dixie Chicks shirts and memorabilia. Natalie said they were thinking about that. She said they were meeting with people about what they were going to do. She said they were asking if they should change it on the old pressings of albums or keep the name on that. Natalie said they said no. She said they know who they are and what they have in their hearts. She said they're not racist and they didn't name themselves that for that reason. She said they're not from the Dixie area. She said it was just a word and she didn't think about the history behind it. She said she didn't think about how it would make black people feel. Natalie said they didn't want to make a big deal out of it so they just did it. She said they're just trying to live up to it. She said The Chicks is such abetter name and she's surprised they didn't come up with it sooner. She said maybe they should have gone by the name Howard. Howard said he would have loved that. He said he thought there would be two songs named after him on this album.
Natalie said they're lucky grey got the name The Chicks. She said they were thinking about going to MEN with Marty, Emily and Natalie. Howard said maybe name it The Washington Redskins Chicks. Natalie said there was a cartoon about that where they had the Redskins being renamed ''The Washington Dixie Chicks.''
Howard said he knows that she got into a big brouhaha when she showed up with Beyonce at the Country Music Awards. Natalie said they hadn't been to a lot of award shows and they went to this one. She said they worked with Beyonce the week before and it was awesome to work with her. She said she's a perfectionist and she's amazing to work with. She said there were camera guys there working with her on angles and things. She said they had never seen that before. She said the song was really long like 6 minutes. She said she did amazing and they got racist assholes bombarding their web site after that. She said they caved in and took the performance down but put it back up within 24 hours. She said that they had gotten the best ratings with her performance and took her down because of those racist assholes. Howard asked if she would perform with her again at the Country Music awards. Natalie said she didn't think she would have done it then but she will only do it with Beyonce from now on.
Howard asked if she gets nervous performing with Beyonce. Natalie said they prepare and rehearse a lot. She said Beyonce is the consummate professional and you don't want to let her down. She said they just have to do it right.
Howard said he loves that Taylor Swift says that Natalie is her hero. She said that she ended up working with her on one of her songs on her last album. He said it must be nice to be a mentor in a way. Natalie said it is. She said it makes you feel old when someone like that grew up on your music. She said that they get their strength from having three of them. She said Taylor came up and made it big so young. She said that Taylor was letting a board room tell her what to do and not do. She said that she just went ahead and did things on her own without listening to them. She said that takes guts.
Howard said he thinks about how everything Taylor does is so scrutinized. He said there must be so much money on the table and she must need some sounding board. Natalie said she is in a good place. She said she's not sure how old she was when she started but when someone starts so early they have so many voices in their head. She said you don't know how to figure out who you are. She said you should be able to talk about whatever you want to talk about in your own music.
Howard asked if she would talk to her about that. Natalie said she hasn't but she would. Howard said you have parents who hover so much that they don't teach you to think for yourself. He said he saw that documentary with her where she's in the board room asking about being able to talk about politics. He said that you can't think for yourself if you have that going on. He said that's crazy.
Natalie said she was looking for the video of Sal putting his foreskin in his asshole but she wasn't able to find it. Howard said they haven't put that up yet. He said that he was able to stick it up his own ass and it was fucking amazing. Natalie asked if he can do it live now. Howard said he might be able to. Sal got on and said he can't believe he's doing this for a Grammy winner.
Howard said the bad thing about this is that if you see it, you can never unsee it. He said he's still in shock from it. Sal took his shirt off and Natalie was cracking up. Sal took his penis out and stretched out his foreskin. Howard said Natalie is going to end up with women after this. Natalie said the divorce didn't turn her off to men but this might do it.
Howard had Sal do his thing. Natalie said it looks like he has just one ball. He showed the other one. Sal shoved his foreskin into his ass and Natalie was cracking up. She said he didn't hold it there. She said he held it in there last week. Sal said he did tuck it in there. Howard asked why he didn't do that. Sal said he took a doody this morning and didn't want to get mud on the foreskin.
Howard asked Natalie if this is everything she dreamed. Natalie said it was different. She said that she had seen his foreskin but she didn't know he could stretch it so far. She said it was incredible.
Howard asked if Natalie has ever seen anything like that. Natalie said no and she's on email chains where people send her stuff that's really crazy. She said that Sal twisted it at the top like a Chinese Yo-Yo. Howard asked why he twists it like that. Sal said he has the ability to do that. Natalie said he's completely shaven too. She said she has never seen that. Howard asked Natalie to explain that it's a complete turn off to women. Natalie said that maybe young people aren't turned off to that. Howard said it's just Sal who does that.
Natalie asked why Sal shaves like that. Sal said Richard did it and he thought it looked better that way so he started shaving. Howard asked why he shaves his chest hair too. Sal said Ed Torian once told him he had farm animal tits. He said he thought it made a shadow on there and now it looks nice and clean. Natalie asked how often he shaves. Sal said he does it every time he showers. Howard asked if he shaves his asshole too. Sal said he shaves his back. He said he does shave his asshole too. Howard asked how he dos it. Sal showed how it looked. He showed a hemorrhoid. Sal said he once nicked that with a razor. He said it stung for days. Howard said Sal is available for virtual birthday parties just in case anyone is interested.
Howard asked Natalie if she's interested in Sal at all. Natalie said no but she's very sorry about that. She said that did not turn her on at all. Howard asked if that's the first penis she's seen since she divorced. Natalie said not on screen.
Howard asked if Natalie is going to date. Natalie said she can't imagine she would online date. She said she's not that hungry or thirsty. Howard said she'll probably end up with someone famous. Natalie said she has it down to two people, Jake Gyllenhaal or Bradley Cooper. Howard said he can hook her up with Bradley. He said he'd like to know what it's like to be one of those two.
Howard asked how she's feeling about the Wack Pack. He asked if she still likes High Pitch Erik. She said she likes Erik but she misses Eric the Actor. She said she still loves him so much. She said that she feels lucky to have been able to engage with Eric the Actor and be part of his history. She said she loves all the Wack Pack.
Natalie said her older son wanted her to get more info on Beetlejuice. She said that he's vague on Beetlejuice and what's going on with him. Howard said Beetlejuice used to come in with his manager. He said he used to live with his manager for some time. He said he thinks that his mom decided he should live at home with her and his sister. He said she has him home and locked down a bit. Natalie asked how that happened and how he's looked down so much. Howard said he thinks he came to his manager's house for a week or two and he'd be allowed to come up there to his studio.
Shuli got on and Howard was shocked by his beard. Howard said it's shocking to see it looking like that. Shuli said Beetlejuice is kind of on lock down and they're not taking their calls anymore. He said they won't even give them a number. He said they have tried to reach out but his mom is adamant about not letting him do anything. Natalie said he's like the Richard Simmons of the show. Howard said his mom is very responsible. He said that he heard he was spotted at a Black Lives Matter rally. Shuli said he has a resurgence on TikTok and people are sharing videos and pictures of him on there. He said a lot of young people are discovering him for the first time and he's a super star. Howard said Beetlejuice is a super star and more people are discovering him. He said he's always out there.
Natalie asked if any Wack Packers have gotten COVID. Shuli said as far as he knows none of them have. Howard said Natalie was critical of Jeff the Drunk and Bobo. She asked where she stands on them. Natalie said Bobo is a complete liar. She said he moved to Florida a while back and she saw him on the road doing a video while driving and he lied about it when they asked him about it. She said she saw it with her own eyes and Bobo lied about it.
Howard took a call from Bobo and asked him what he has to say about this. Bobo said he has to say this. He said she's wrong about that and he was not driving at the time. He said he wasn't driving at the time, he was parked. Natalie said she saw him driving. She said she saw the other cars moving beside him. She said he was driving. Bobo said he was parked. That led to Fred doing his Bobo puppet thing.
Bobo said he practices what he preaches and he didn't do what she claims she was doing. He added ''case closed.''
Howard asked Natalie where her Grammys are located in the house. He asked if they're on a piano in her house. Natalie said you'd have to make it into her bedroom. Howard said she's a firecracker. Natalie said she used to have them on a piano downstairs but some worker came to work on something in the house and he saw them and said something about how she really has a thing for horns. Howard asked if they're well made awards. Natalie said not at all. She said they're really shitty. She said they chip easy and they are sometimes put together crooked. She said when you go to the hall of fame you see that they used to make them very nice but now they're just crappy. She said they're not like they used to be.
Howard said it seems to be odd to have the Grammys in your bedroom. Natalie said she doesn't like to be braggy. She said anyone she has in there will know what she has already. Howard said when he was single he should have put his awards in his bedroom.
Howard wondered if Bradley Cooper would be impressed. Natalie said that there's only one way to find out.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she's glad Natalie called out the biggest liar in the world. Bobo said he doesn't do that. Mariann said it's all about Bobo now and he's lying. Bobo said he would take a lie detector test on that one. Howard said now Bobo is calling Natalie a liar.
Howard asked what Natalie thinks about Jeff the Drunk. Natalie said that she loves all of the Wack Packers and she holds out hope for Jeff every time he calls in but he has to get something going other than complaining about Howard not picking up on him. Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he would love to sing for her. Howard said no but Jeff wanted to sing ''The Devil Went Down to Georgia.'' Robin said he wanted to do that last week and they voted no on that. Jeff started his music and sang the song anyway. Robin said that sounds like gibberish.
Howard asked where Shuli is to do his impression of this. Shuli got back on and did his impression of Jeff's bad singing. Howard hung up on Jeff a short time later. Howard and Natalie agreed it was horrible. Shuli did more of his impression of the performance.
Natalie said they did American Nightmare and she wanted him to play the whole thing. She said that she did a ''Bye for Now'' thing in that song. Howard said he loves that she did that. He said he'll play the whole thing tomorrow morning.
Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult has a question for Natalie. He played a clip of Wendy talking about face masks and how she doesn't wear one because there isn't virus in her area. She said it's far away from them in Florida. Natalie said that she does wear a ''space mask.''
Howard gave Natalie a plug for the album and said you can hear her on The Highway channel 56 there on Sirius. Natalie said she'll send a copy on vinyl to Gary.
Howard took a call from Apples who asked if she has a favorite caller and if he can go on a date with her. Howard asked if he's single. Apples said he went through a divorce as well. Howard asked if he wants to get to know her first. Apples said that he wants to get to know her. Howard said he thinks she should hook up with one of the fans. Natalie said it would be good to have someone compatible. Apples said he listened to ''March, March'' and he cried a little bit. Howard said there you go, what more are you looking for. Natalie said he sounds like a pussy. She said she was just kidding. Natalie said she wants a real man. Apples said he drives a big truck. He said he looks like the cop from Stranger Things. Howard said he's a good looking guy. Natalie said she'll look into it.
Howard said Natalie Apples is a good name. Natalie said maybe Apples Natalie. Howard said if you want a man and one of the listeners they can put her out there and have her pick one. He said she can go on a date when this whole COVID thing is over.
Howard let Natalie go and she signed off with a ''Bye for now.'' Howard said that was a lot of fun. He said her new album is really good. He said she might end up in court if she says too much about her ex-husband. He said this is a girl who knows how to talk. He said you know it's serious.
Howard tanked his sponsor Netsuite who sponsored the show today. He said they had a lot to get to today but they ran out of time. He said he has fan feedback and all kinds of stuff to get to. He said they'll get to it tomorrow. He ended the show around 10:20am.
Howard started the show talking about Natalie Maines cover of ''The Great American Nightmare'' they were playing to start the show. Howard said he just saw the best interview with David Letterman. Robin asked where he saw that. Howard said it was on the SiriusXM app. He said it was the one he did with Dave. He said he ended up watching the whole interview. He said he really likes the app. He said it's really good. He said he doesn't use it all that much but he tuned in to hear Deep Cuts. He said it wasn't there on his radio. He said he wanted Deep Cuts so he went on the app where he can get it. He said he went right to their channels first. He said he found that David Letterman interview and it was really good. He said it was fun. He said he likes that app and that you can find any video you want. He said they get stuff up there quickly.
Robin asked if Sal was up there. Howard said not yet. He said they have to decide if they really want that up there. He said Sal is like a nudist. He said he's really free with his body.
Howard said he's happy that Katy Perry is coming on the show. He said she was on about 12 years ago. He said it was 2008 when she was last on. He said she was still a kid back then. He said she came on and did ''I Kissed a Girl'' on the show. He played some of that song.
Howard said he watches her on American Idol too. He said he can't stand anything else. He said he can't take his eyes off her. He said he was reading up on her and she has over 100 million followers on Twitter. He said he and Robin have spent their life on radio and he has nowhere near that many people listening. He said that she must have 1/3 of the country listening to her music. He said at their highest they were at about 25 million listeners. He said that she's like a radio station that never existed. He said he'd sell advertising on that and just live off of that. He said he has to talk to her about that. Robin said you have to get the right advertisers for that. Howard said he's thinking Squatty Potty and things like that. He said maybe Hydrow and Gardein too. He said that's crazy to have 100 million followers. He said he had 25 million listeners and it was huge.
Robin said that the 100 million can't all be with her at all times. Howard said they all get notifications when she posts something. Robin asked how you use that though. Howard said you just do ad reads. Robin said it would be product placement kind of things.
Howard said Mark Zuckerberg was out surfing and everyone is goofing on him because he put on a lot of sunscreen. He said he had it all over his face but the dude looks like he's in shape. He said he's not all nerdy and stuff. He said he's not sure what he wants to put his face up for. He said he looks like a Mime in this picture.
Howard said they also say that the Columbian cartel is killing people who don't wear masks. He said they're going to have Chad and J.T. on the show tomorrow. He said they tried to hand out free masks and they were attacked. Howard said they were just going out asking if anyone wanted masks and they were attacked. He played a clip of the guys out trying to do that and people were saying Coronavirus is a bullshit lie and things like that. They had people yelling at them for trying to hand out masks.
Howard said that was Chad and J.T.. He said he was reading the comments under their feed and people were saying that really intelligent people are full of self doubt. He said morons are the ones who are super confident. He said they say it with conviction and you feel like they're crazy. He said they're yelling and screaming. Robin said he was just offering masks and you can just say no thank you.
Howard said he loves that argument that you don't have to wear a mask. He said we're all in this together and you do have to wear one to stop this virus. He said we're all trying to knock this thing down so we can get the economy back. Robin said one guy said it was bullshit and shutting down the economy is ridiculous but he won't wear a mask to bring it back.
Howard said these people don't like Dr. Fauci either. He said he should play this clip. He said you have to hear this. He said COVID-19 is on the rise in the states that didn't think it was real. He said it's coming and they're all like Chuck Wollery. He said when you get it then it's not fake anymore.
Howard said in Palm Beach county grey made wearing masks in public mandatory. He said people are so angry down there. He said this woman gets really worked up about it. He played a clip of the woman talking about how anyone who makes you wear a mask is committing a crime against god. She was going on and on about a bunch of conspiracy theories.
Howard said she sounds like Alex Jones on helium. He said you can't escape her imaginary friend.
Howard played another clip of a guy who said that you can take that mandatory mask wearing rule and shove it up your ass. Howard said you can't have everyone deciding when to wear a mask. He said people can't seem to determine when to wear a mask. Howard said he's saying to wear one but only when you want to. He said that's what his kids would say to him as toddlers. He said they'd say they'd do something but not now. Robin said he claims to be an adult but he's acting like a child.
Howard said we need one big knock out punch against the virus. He said this guy goes on and on for quite some time. He said Tucker Carlson claims there's no proof that wearing a mask helps. He played some audio of Tucker talking about that. Howard said that was from May 28th. He said back in March he said the opposite. Howard played that clip where Tucker was talking about how masks really do work and everyone knows that.
Howard said maybe his shtick is to say the opposite of what people are saying. He said if you don't wear a mask then they should lock you up for 10 years. He said then everyone is on the same page. He said we can't get these morons to wear a mask.
Howard said he goes for a walk and if no one is in his eyesight he can take his mask off. He said if he sees someone he puts it on. He said he feels like an idiot because no one else is wearing one though. He said he gives up.
Howard said baseball player Aubrey Hoff is another one who thinks they're taking away his freedom by making him wear a mask. Howard played a clip of that guy talking about why he won't be forced to wear a mask in a grocery store. Howard said this guy hits a ball with a bat and he'll tell you what to do.
Gary said they all met him at Bubba's wedding. He said he hung out at the bar and had drinks with him. Howard said he's sure he's a man's man but he's talking about masks taking away your freedom. Aubrey was going on and on about how you can't live in fear your whole life and be forced to wear a mask.
Howard played more of the audio of Aubrey talking about not being able to see smiles of people at the grocery store. Howard said how about worrying about Russia messing with our election. He said if that keeps up you won't be able to vote. Howard said he has seen people smile and a lot of people have shitty teeth.
Howard played more of Aubrey's rambling rant and tried to explain it to him why he's wrong.
Howard said Will had Coronavirus so he asked how his stomach is. Will said he still doesn't feel good. He said even Chris Cuomo is talking about how he still doesn't feel right. He said it sucks. Howard said it's not fun. Robin said she read a story about a kid who went to a party and came home and infected his whole family.
Howard said when the cases spiked in California this guy went on a conspiracy theory rant. Howard played some audio of Aubrey talking about that and how this is a plan to crash the economy to get rid of Donald Trump. Howard said that's not what this is at all. He said he likes a good economy. Aubrey said that you're all sheep and he's fucking pissed. He said we've all turned into robots. Howard said baseball players... no offense but... Robin said they're trying to hit a little ball with a big bat. Howard said he's worked out with some baseball players and he wouldn't get his medical advice from any of them.
Howard asked JD what's up. He froze before he could say anything. Howard tried to get him back. He said if he has something to say he wants to listen. He said Zoom must have tanked.
Howard said these are people trying to advise people on Coronavirus. Robin said he calls people sheep but he's trying to get people to go along with him.
Howard said Little Mikey has a good mask wearing song. He played the song parody from Mikey where he sings about wearing a mask to get this under control.
JD got back on and said that his internet fucked up. He said Aubrey Hoff tweeted yesterday that this is brilliant for Trump to wear a mask because that will make the left say that wearing one isn't a good idea. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there. He asked why they think that the mask isn't effective. He said they say it helps stop the spread when people wear them. JD said that they think that it's fake news like Trump always says.
Howard said he's not sure what they believe. JD said there's a lack of empathy in this country. Howard said there was an article in the NY Times about how people were nervous at first but then they didn't get it and they thought it was okay and now they feel invincible. He said even if they get it they think it's going to be like the flu. He said they say it attacks your lungs and can put spider webs in your lungs and you can't breathe and then you get put on a ventilator and you're dead. Robin said they say that sometimes you don't have time to get to the hospital.
Howard said people are too fragile to cope with reality. Howard said he's not sure what happened to his country. He said it's like the morons took over. He said when he was in school it was full of morons. He said he just wanted to get out to get away from the morons. He said he figured there would be a day that he could get out. He said he was just biding his time to get out. He said he just had to get to 18 years old. He said he packed his U-Haul and got out of town after that. He said he bolted and got to work. He said he got a job and did anything he could do.
Howard said if they could just separate the morons and put them in one or two states. He said make him President and he'll do that. He said the morons think they're free by not wearing a mask. He said they don't understand patriotism. He said that we can get through this if we all wear masks. Robin said they're doing the best they can.
Howard said there was a great article in the NY Times about a woman who was in a hate group and now she's someone who has seen the light and she's very loving. He said she spends her life helping people of various races. He said she was a white supremacist. He said they were trying to figure out why she was so full of hate. He said there are a lot of really lonely people out there and in hate you can make friends. He said you're alienated and you feel down and you don't fit in but you have people embracing you in this hate group. He said she was meeting guys and she was accepted in that hate group. He said that's what it was about. He said it wasn't even that much about hate. Howard said then she gets out of the hate and she's great.
Howard said there's a lot of talk about Minister Louis Farrakhan and some people think he's hateful. He said the appeal is that if you don't have a family to help you out this guy gives you free meals. He said that's how some people get involved with this kind of thing. Robin said gangs work that way too. She said next thing you know you have a gun and you're shooting someone.
Howard said in his neighborhood there were kids on welfare and there were 3 or 4 families in one house. He said a lot of people turned to hate groups. He said in Nick's podcast they were trying to figure out who is running the record business. He said they were talking about how the Jews might be running the record business. Howard said he'll tell you that it's people who run the record business. He said it's not Jews, it's people. He said its the people who are screwing you, not the Jews. He said that if you have a record company then you're screwing people. He said Sony isn't run by the Jews. He said it's a Japanese company. He said that he has worked in radio and worked for Disney. He said that wasn't the Jews. Howard said he got beat up by black people growing up but he didn't hate all black people. He said that it was just people who were beating him up. He said it's weird that people don't know this.
Howard said he tried to call Nick and he has a lot of love for him. He said he'd sit with Nick at America's Got Talent and the days went on and on sometimes. He said they'd sit and talk and he had his crew with him and there were black people and maybe even Jewish people hanging out with him. He said that he didn't find Nick to be a hateful kind of guy. Robin said there was a lot of talk about Melanin in that discussion. Howard said his head was spinning listening to that. Robin said it sounded like a lot of bullshit to her. She said the worst part of it was when he was talking about laying some knowledge on you and she's like ''Oh please.''
Howard said it sounds like black people are like solar panels because they get power from the sun and other people get skin cancer. Howard said he hopes Nick is okay. Robin said he apologized and then got attached by black people. She said maybe he just turned off his phone. Howard said he's a good kid. He said he has a feeling what's going on but he doesn't want to get into it.
Robin said sometimes you have to look internally and determine what your emotional feelings are and what your business is. Howard said he read that Nick was trying to kill himself. He said he really is a sweet guy. He said one call from him and he'll straighten him out.
Robin said Bobo claimed he didn't do it. Bobo said he just said he wasn't driving. Howard said he claimed to be parked. Bobo said he was not moving. Robin said he lied. Howard said Natalie said he was driving and he said he was pulled over and parked. He said Bobo was driving but he was at a red light. He said that's lying. Bobo kept saying he wasn't driving. Howard said he was driving. Bobo said the car wasn't in motion. Howard said he wasn't in Park so he did lie. Bobo said he didn't lie. He said it was a miscommunication. Robin said that was him speaking that was a miscommunication.
Howard asked if he taught his students that posting a video is okay to do at a light. Bobo said no. He said he's not sure what Natalie was talking about. He said he's not sure what he was doing when she saw him.
Howard said he's confused. He asked what would be so important to text at a red light. Bobo said that he doesn't remember what it was. He said that it if it was something telling him he had to get home or something he'd do that. He said that he knows a light is 2 and a half minutes long so he knows how much time he has. He said that doesn't make it right though. He said that's the only time he has done it. Robin said it's the only time they caught him. Howard said Natalie caught him. He said she caught him in a lie yesterday. Bobo said no she didn't.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she will stay calm but every conversation he has he back pedals. She said that he has to just admit he did it. She said last night on Twitter he posted a video of himself throwing water on a lizard. She said she went at him over that. Bobo said that wasn't animal abuse. Mariann said it was. She said that he lied about her too. Bobo said they have enough going on with Coronavirus that she doesn't have to pile on him. Mariann said that she didn't make him call in. She said that she tells him he shouldn't lie. Bobo said he has never texted on the road.
Howard said Bobo is telling him that as a driving instructor that it is legal to get to a red light and text. Bobo said no. He said he admits he was wrong but he didn't break any laws. Robin said he was technically driving when he was at a red light. Howard said when you are at a red light you still have to look around to see what's happening around you.
Ronnie got on and asked where he found this thing about texting at a red light. He said it's bullshit. He said if you're behind the wheel of a car then you can't text. He said it's illegal. Bobo said only when the car is in motion. Howard said that texting at a red light is legal according to something he read. He said that they do say it's legal to do it. He said it's dumb. Bobo said he agrees that it's not the right thing to do but it is legal. He said he has done it but not often. He said that he might have sent a quick text at a light. Howard said he's not sure making a video is legal. He said that's what Natalie saw.
Bobo said that he used to see Bubba doing that stuff while driving. He said he doesn't do that. He said he texts when he's stopped. Howard let Bobo go after that.
Howard said that was awesome. He asked if Beth was down there. He said they got a lot of email about the pizza. He said he should take a break. He said he has a ton of stuff for you.
Howard said he saw it growing up that they were in trouble. He said they had some good politicians when he was growing up. Robin said even if they were in different parties they worked to make the country better. Howard said her generation is going to be really fucked up but he'll be in a better place called a mausoleum. Howard said Beth was asking him if he really wants to be in there with a straw. He said he doesn't want a straw, he wants it open so he can escape if he's still alive.
Howard said he and Beth have great conversations. He said that they were talking about their cats and how if something happens to her he can't give away the cats. He said he told her that if something happens to her his new wife will take care of them. He said that didn't make her happy but he wanted to assure her that the cats would be taken care of.
Howard said he told Beth that he'd look for someone like Tyra Banks to marry him. He said maybe Emily Ratajkowski would make a good wife too.
Howard said he got a lot of fan feedback about the Chris Cornell song they played yesterday. He said it was really nice of his wife to send that song over for them.
Howard said he was listening to the REM song ''What's the Frequency, Kenneth'' and that made him think about Dan Rather getting punched in the face and the guy asked ''What's the frequency Kenneth.'' He said they wrote a song about that and no one even remembers what it was about. He played some of the song and Robin was thinking that the guy would get thrown out of the band if he came up with the idea to make a song about that.
Howard said he was thinking about Katy Perry being a solo artist so she doesn't have to worry about the rest of the band. Howard said REM also did the song about Andy Kaufman. He said that was pretty cool too. He played some of that song too.
Howard said he loves Andy Kaufman. He said he goes back and watches him on Letterman often. He said he tries to ask Dave about those interviews and he doesn't want to talk about the old shows. Robin said she read about how miserable he was after every show. Howard said you'd think he could look back no it with some joy now. Robin said he doesn't want to do that apparently.
Howard said they got a lot of fan feedback about Natalie Maines. He read through a bunch of those. He said a lot of people enjoyed her cover of The Great American Nightmare. He said people loved Apples hitting on her too.
Howard said Sal did that thing with his foreskin and people were shocked that he did it and wondered if he talks to his family about it and if he washes his hands after doing it. Howard asked Sal if he can answer those questions. Sal said he doesn't talk about it with the family. He said he pretends it never happened and he does wash his hands. He said yesterday he did not right away but he did eventually wash them. He said the first time he did it he washed his hands immediately. Yesterday he did not. Howard asked if the family uses that computer. Sal said this is strictly his. Howard asked if his fingers smell like ass or dick. Sal said they smell good now. Robin asked if he locks the room. Sal said it's not a room. He said it's under the stairwell and his wife will come down to do the laundry. Howard played a song parody about Sal's cock.
Howard said that's a very nice song. He said Sal did that whole stunt and you know he's walking around touching things. Sal said he made the kids their breakfast and all of that. Howard thanked Sal for that.
Howard said Jimmy Fallon sent him a bunch of pizza and he didn't want to bring it into the house. He said the fans think he's out of his mind. He read through some of that feedback. He said that people do think that his COVID-19 fears are way out of line. He read about that and said that nothing makes sense. He said he did send something to his parents but they took precautions with that. He said they were very careful about that and it was nothing like getting pizza.
Howard said he has a whole protocol about getting food. He said that it's not the same as getting 7 pizzas and not knowing where they came from.
Howard read some feedback about the Chris Cornell song that they played yesterday. Howard said Chris was great. He said they thank his wife for letting them debut the song.
Robin asked if he will ever eat any of that pizza. Howard said no. He said Beth ate it. Robin said he might as well eat it.
Howard said Gary has a dilemma. He said he's not sure if he should send his son to college. Gary got on and told Robin what's going on there. He said he has to pay for an apartment and he's not sure that his son will be going to class. He said he won't be in a dorm room but he'll be in an apartment. He said he doesn't want his son to get sick. Howard said kids had no problem staying away from him when he was in college.
Howard asked Gary what he's doing. Gary said that they're taking it day by day. He said every day is a new day. He said he's not sure what will happen. He said he can't tell his son what will happen in 3 weeks. He said the school is going to do contact tracing and test everyone with quick tests. He said he can only listen to what they're saying.
Howard said Gary gets on a Zoom call with the dean of the college. Gary said it's 1000 people and the dean has been answering questions. He said he has been on two of those calls. Howard said in Animal House it was Dead Wormer. He said in Back to School it was Dean Martin.
Howard said Gary has weird rules. He said that he had people over on the fourth of July. Gary said he did and it was family and they stayed outside. He said he had 10 people over. He said it was a small group and they stayed outside. Howard said he was just busting his balls. Robin asked if they went inside to use the bathroom. Gary said they did but it's a bathroom just for that and they cleaned it before and after. Howard said he really has to take a break and get back to this. Howard said he has to think about this dilemma.
Howard said he has a lot to talk to Gary about but he doesn't want to bump into Katy Perry. He said he heard Gary shared a pipe with someone and used alcohol on it. He said he's breaking all the rules but he's worried about his son. Gary said he did share a pipe. He said he took one of those wipes and then took a hit. He said that was stupid and he admits it. He said he was drunk at the time. Howard said he'll get to this after. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked what happened to the Staple Singers. Robin said they're all very old now but Mavis was at the Prince tribute. Howard said that's right.
Howard said the last time Katy Perry was on was in August of 2008. He said now it's 2020 and that was like 30 years ago. He said hi to Katy who sang to him to start. Howard said her new album ''Smile'' drops on August 14th. Katy said she's about to drop a baby too. Howard asked how that's going. Katy said that 2020 is the year that when you make plans God laughs. She said she has a couple of ideas for what she's going to do when that date comes. She said it's coming very soon.
Katy said it's very early there and she did not brush her teeth or shower for her. Howard thanked her for getting up early. He said he knows that it's tough when you're pregnant and about to drop. Howard said if she had the baby on the air he could be her coach. He said that would be very good for his ratings and listenership. Howard asked if she's having any contractions. Katy said no.
Howard asked if she's reading a lot of books about this pregnancy thing. Katy said not really. She said she has helped with a couple of births and she knows what it's like. She said she has a little bit of an education. Howard asked if she can jump up and down to get it started.
Howard said it must be tough to be this pregnant. Katy said she feels super blessed and she's had an easy one. She said that she's 5'8'' and she has big bones and she can handle it. She said she's very active. She said Orlando is always talking about how he barely notices she's pregnant. She said that if the baby is anything like her she'll be late.
Howard asked if she's nervous that she could poop herself when she's having the baby. Katy said that she has seen her sister do this so she knows what it's going to be. She said nothing phases Orlando and they're ready for any of that.
Howard said he met Orlando at a party. Katy said that he thinks they're best friends. She said that he thinks they have great rapport with each other. Howard said they did at this party. He said he had a very nice talk with Orlando. He said this kid should be very attractive. Katy said with Karma you never know. Howard said he and Orlando had a bonding thing going on and he can see why she fell for him. Katy said he's 43 and he's so fit. She said her brother is also 45 and fit. She said they were talking about testosterone and they were working out together. She said he's all about he mind, body spirit so that's what attracted her to him. Howard said he was teasing him about his penis picture. He said he's nude and Katy isn't. Katy said he tried to get her there and she was like ''Nah.''
Howard asked if she asked Orlando why he was doing it. Katy said they were in Europe and he wanted to fit in with the locals. She said it was the end of the trip. Howard said he had the strangest reaction to it. He said he hoped that she put some suntan lotion on it. Katy said he was talking about Twitter just days before it. She said that they were talking about Pirates of the Caribbean and then he was number one trending on Twitter. She said she wanted it to stop.
Howard said he's one of the best looking guys he's seen in person and he has this huge penis. He said he has it all. He said he prayed for a big penis as a kid and he never did get it. He said Katy prayed for big breasts as a kid and she got that. He said she was blessed.
Howard said he was talking to Robin about Katy and what blew his mind was that she has over 100 million followers on Twitter or Instagram. He said that's incredible power. He said he's in radio and 25 million is huge. He said having that many is like having a TV network. Katy said you should see how they treat you when you write ''your'' in the wrong way. She said she stopped drunk tweeting in 2014. She said that the tight rope was getting tighter. She said everything will be held against you. She said it's all receipts. She said she hopes and prays that they can live in a world where they can grow and make mistakes and learn from them. She said that's the only way you learn. She said she has fallen on her face a lot. She said that there is a leveling that happens and people want control and they have it. She said it's been interesting for her.
Howard said he grew up in the 60s and they had no social media. He said no one was attacked like they are now on social media. Katy said heavy is the head that wears the crown.
Howard asked Katy about her life and if she feels its normal. Katy said she would like to be able to go to Oxford and be able to continue her education. She said she was just on the track from 9 years old singing. She said she feels like she did all of that and got to check a lot of boxes. She said that she's 35 now and she's ready for a child to come into her life. She said she's ready to step into this role and she wants to further her education in psychology and philosophy.
Katy said they went to this course where you rewire your neuropathways. She said that it's kind of hippy dippy to some people but you rewire the negative paths and habits you have and don't understand. She said it's like another 10 years of therapy but it changed their lives. She said it set her up for motherhood. She said before that she wasn't sure she was ready for it. She said she had no idea what she was going to do. Howard said you have to be careful now with COVID-19 going on and all of that. He said you have to protect the kid and there is so much to worry about. He said it's enough to be a new mom and then you have that.
Robin asked if they are alone or do they have people coming in. Katy said they are calculated risk and they are alone a lot so it constantly feels like a party. She said they have her sister and her family and their mother and father. She said that everyone is a mask wearer so they're a kind group.
Howard asked about the therapy thing and if there are other people there. Katy said it's a week long and there are about 39 other people there. Howard said they must be exited to see Katy Perry there. Katy said they're not. She said most people don't want to be there to begin with. She said you're offline and you're not reachable. She said everyone is there for wholeness. She said that it's a life or death kind of situation. She said she was very conscious about keeping a low magnetism and not making it about her. She said they were there for work. She said people didn't even know it was her until the end. She said it wasn't about celebrity at all.
Howard said it's a good thing he wasn't here. He said he would have tried to get close to them there. Katy said he would have loved this therapy. Howard said he might have.
Howard said when she was on the show she had just released the song ''I Kissed a Girl'' and she did it live in the studio. Howard played some of that performance and said it was great. Howard said she had this great vibe about her and she was really coming into her own. He said she didn't even know what her future was going to be. He said he wondered if it was going to be a one hit wonder kind of thing or what. Howard asked if it was a great time in her life or was it really intense trying to come up with another hit. Katy said she can't believe she hasn't been on the show since then. She said Howard is such a good interviewer. She said it's taken her 12 years to realize that.
Katy said she had been rejected so much and she was just so happy that things were happening for her. She said that she had been working at it since she was 15 or 16. She said she knew she had more in her arsenal to show. She said she just wanted to show people what she had. She said she was foaming at the mouth.
Howard said she told him about a record deal she had and the record company didn't like the sound so they threw it out. Katy said there were the Kelly Clarksons and Avril Lavignes back then and they had a sound. She said Billie Eilish is big now so there will be a trend to replicate that. She said there is only one Billie Eilish though. Howard said grey do chase that sound and you can't do that. He said it won't work. He said the frustration must have been mind blowing. Katy said she made up for it. Howard said she really did. He played some of her hit songs that she's had over the past 12 years. Howard said there are so many songs.
Howard said the video where she's frolicking with that dude who looks like Orlando... He asked if anything went down. Katy said no. She said it was completely professional. She said she may have been dating or engaged to her ex-husband. Howard asked how that's going. Katy said Howard missed that whole section. Howard said he was shocked by that. He said he worried about her during that time. He said he hoped she knew what she was doing. Katy said she was in her mid 20s and she hadn't been pushed down the staircase of life yet. She said that she feels much better now.
Howard played more of Katy's songs and said that he pictured her making the video with Snoop Dogg and how there must have been a ton of weed around. Katy said when they were making the song there was. She said she had a contact high from that. She said that she's not a big weed person. She said that 7 out of 10 times it's good but then the three times it's her in a corner rocking herself to sleep. She said she wouldn't hit Snoops weed at all.
Howard asked when you write these hits does it happen fast? Katy said it depends. She said she's a lyricist and melody person. She said that takes time. She said that's a slower burn kind of process. She said she is influenced by a beat. Howard said Natalie Maines was talking about that yesterday. He said he thought they started with a guitar but they actually start with a beat. Katy said you just start humming along with it and then the words will come. She said that you do a pass that's just a melody like that and the you fill in the lyrics. Howard said that's what Paul McCartney told him. He said he used Scrambled Eggs in a song when he was writing it. Katy said there are people who use gibberish to write. She said that she has a friend who does that. She said he'd do gibberish and then it would stick and he'd use it.
Howard asked if you feel embarrassed doing the gibberish thing. Katy said you can not. She said you have to dare to suck. She said no idea is a bad idea. She said you go through so many edits to get to this beautiful narrative. She said she had a lyric in Teenage Dream that was going really left about being a mom in a minivan. She said that she was so glad she didn't put that in the song because it wasn't sexy. She said that there's a song out now called Smile and she had to get that story right. She said that's the opus of the record and it was about the journey over the past 2 years to get there. Howard played some of that song.
Howard asked if she still feels the pressure of writing a song to make it a hit. He said she must feel she has to deliver to the record company. He asked it's too much pressure to put out a record. Katy said this one was interesting to do because it's during a pandemic and a racial revolution and an election year. She said she's pregnant too. She said that she wasn't planning on all of that. She said there's a lot of pivoting this year. She said she was clinically depressed and she had a change in her career. She said the last record didn't meet her expectations. She said this got her out of the loop where she felt she had to have number one songs all the time. Howard asked how she got to that point. He said that the feeling to be number 1 and to have all eyes on you is hard. Howard said he had that kind of feeling when he was on radio. He said he wanted to be heard by everyone. He said he had to get to a place in therapy to know that there is room for other people. He said he'd see people on TV and hate them because they were doing better than him. He said he had to have all of the attention.
Katy said she never felt like it just had to be her. She said she never felt invited to the party. Howard asked if she felt that way her whole life. Katy said she did. Howard said he figured she was the it girl in high school. Katy said she didn't fit in at all. She said she was a wanderer. She said she was focused on music but she never felt it could only be her in the music industry. She said she had no balance. She said Howard is playing the hits and they've only gotten to about 20 percent of them. She said she had no idea how to take care of herself at home. She said she had to do a lot of work to get out of the loop.
Howard asked if she felt like she didn't deserve it or felt like a fraud. Katy said she works really hard at her job and she knows she's not fraudulent. She said she never felt like she was a fraud. She said she didn't feel like she fit in. She said a lot of artists start from a place of pain. She said that it's a need they have and she was desperate to prove she was going to make something of her life. Katy said her dreams were so big from the time she was 9. She said people would roll their eyes at her when she said she wanted to be huge. She said at 13 she had a shirt that said ''Pop Star'' on it. She said she almost willed it to happen. She said that you have to have the talent and then put in the hard work and have the right timing too.
Howard said here are so many people who don't put in the hard work. He said that's what it's like on American Idol. Katy said she's working hard and she's in her third trimester with this baby. She said she is working really hard at home. She said she is a mom on the move as they say. She said she feels like her fans see that she's doing the work for this record and then there will be a transition when the baby comes.
Howard said that she says that Smile is about the two years that were really dark in her life. Howard said she's a sad clown on the cover of her album. He said clowns aren't happy people. Katy said she's going to reclaim clowns this year. She said the origin of the clown and court jester is a playful kind of thing. She said that she lost that in her career. She said a smile is an indication of mental health. She said you can see it if you take a moment to look at your friends. She said there are so many ways to observe where people are at. She said she had lost her smile. Howard said he never smiles in pictures. He said a smile really does indicate where you're at mentally.
Howard asked if the happiness and 2 years of clinical depression was bad. Katy said she had tried to avoid the really dark depression by making music. She said you eat and work and get a new boyfriend and shop. Howard asked if she was on mediation. Katy said she was and she was ashamed. She said she wrote 'Firework'' and she was depressed. She said she felt like she had sprained her brain. Katy said that she had broken up with Orlando and she wasn't getting high off her own supply anymore. She said she felt like she needed crutches for her brain. Howard asked what that means by not getting high off your own supply. Katy said you create art and you're excited for people to see it and when it's not received by the world well that doesn't feel good. She said she had already gotten to the peak of the mountain and the view was getting redundant. She said the universe told her it was time for some leveling.
Howard asked if she drove the people away from her because of that depression. Katy said Orlando is the only one who can handle it. She said she showed him all of it and he's still not phased by it. She said that's why he's perfect for her. She said she's a lot. Howard said his mother was depressed and he felt it was his obligation to keep her laughing. He said for Orlando to take that on is a lot for him. Katy said they weren't together through all of that. She said she went to therapy and went through the Hoffman process. She said he had gone through that a year before her. She said he came back being a sage and a Buddha and he was more evolved. She said she was so far behind him spiritually. She said she did the work and she was able to do it because she was more stable.
Howard asked what they had her on. Katy said it was an anti-depressant. She said she thinks that they both know that there are amazing tools you can access like Transcendental Meditation which she's been doing for 10 years. She said that alone is a mind cleaner. She said that's a big help for serotonin. Howard asked if Orlando meditates. Katy said all the time. Katy said she has a lot of tools she can use now. She said if she feels like she's going to have a dip she will do meditation and maybe some therapy. She said she'll do what she has to do.
Howard asked if she goes to a male or female therapist. Katy said they have both. Howard asked if she has identified her trauma. Katy said that she thinks as a creative brain they are more prone to have anxiety and depression. She said it might not be on the same lobe or whatever. She said that she pinpointed most of it from a lack of what she didn't get. She said she had to make up for what she didn't get. She said she has a lot of understanding and she has done a lot of forgiving over the past 2 and a half years.
Howard said when she has a feud with Taylor Swift does that throw her into a depression too. He said that she wants to be loved. He said people even think she'll break up with Orlando so that must put her into a depression. Katy said that wasn't a catalyst for it. She said she is a seeker of truth and sometimes it takes time for the truth to get there. She said that she looks at her life and in a couple of decades time will tell her story. She said she's trying to do everything the best she can. She said she will always make mistakes though. She said that she's glad that she and Taylor have made up and can move on.
Howard said he would rather fight someone than have to deal with that torture that women have to deal with. Katy said they have the capacity to create life and god gave them more feelings. She said she thinks it will take a conscious effort to evolve the narrative of women. She said they pit artists against other artists and you never see guys fighting like that. She said it's never Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber fighting.
Howard said ''Swish, Swish'' came out of that feud with Taylor. He said it can create a good song. Katy thanked him for saying that. Howard asked if she was talking about that as a basketball kind of thing. Katy said it was kind of a winning kind of reference. She said Nikki Minaj just announced she's pregnant last night. Howard played some of that song. He asked how she picks who to work with on a song like that. He said that she worked with Nikki Minaj on that one. Katy said it depends on the vibe of the song. She said that worked out great.
Howard said he was thinking about Taylor Swift yesterday. He said he watched a documentary about her and she had to go into a board room to get approval to get political. He said that if you have that then you can forget about how to do things on your own. Katy said they all have their own team and it's your tribe and troop that you trust to help. Howard asked who her troop is. Katy said it's her manager and her press team. He said that she doesn't have a group of yes men. She said she has really intelligent people who can help her learn constantly. She said they have said no lots of times. He said that's healthy discourse. She said it's like the election. She said that four years ago she was so vocal about it and she had this Spidy sense that shit could go wrong. She said she will be that way for this election too.
Howard asked if she thinks she can really sway someone in an election. Katy said her parents voted for Trump and they're republicans. She said that she had to make a choice to agree or disagree with them or not have parents. She said they have been through it and they have compassion for each other and they have been to family therapy together. Howard asked if she has ever asked them not to bring up Trump. Katy said she can deal with it but it takes longer sometimes. She said that it's healthy discourse to talk about it. She said there is so much noise on both sides and everyone is just yelling. She said she has been able to have thoughtful and good conversation with her mom. She said they sent terms and conditions and they're able to speak. She said they have seen good growth from it.
Howard asked if Katy has asked why her parents are so into Trump. Katy said they're born again Christians and they have stuck to a set of rules. She said there was an article about how we have to take our blinders off and stop following the rule so strictly. Katy said growing up in that atmosphere she just wanted authenticity. She said they wanted her to just buy faith and not question anything. She said that's why she turned into an artist she's sure.
Howard said with some religious people it's all about abortion and if you think that this side can take care of that then they're going to go that way. Katy said there are things that have to happen to have a successful country and if they don't happen in this order then we're all screwed.
Howard said he's not sure that the planet will survive humans. He said that we're ruining everything. He said it must be tough to be pregnant during this time.
Howard said he watches American Idol every week and it's because of Katy. He said she's fascinating to look at. He said she always wears something interesting. He said he wants to ask her about whose idea it was for her to go on that show. He said to go on that show he can imagine the advisors weighing in on it. Howard asked if that's what it was like. Katy said it had been circling her for a long time. She said she was on tour a lot and she was backing off of that so she had more time to do something like that. Katy said they have so much fun on that show. She said they love being mentors and having this lottery ticket in their pocket to make people's lives. She said this show actually makes stars. She said they have people getting signed with record deals and they have songs that chart. She said it's not Kelly Clarkson singing ''A Moment Like This'' but that was 20 years ago or less. She said they have a slower burn but they create stars.
Howard said the woman who won this year was a great story. He said she came in dressed like a street person. Katy said she sang on the subway. Howard said she came in a dress halfway through the season and she looked like a star. Katy said she leaned into it. Howard said she had more talent than anyone else on the show. He said the show is so much more than that though. He asked if Katy ever wants to tell the kids that they just don't have that star factor. Katy said they don't lie to them but they let them down gently. She said she can identify with some of those people. She said she only ever wanted to help people in music. She said that it helped her growing up and she would put on her favorite song and it would help her relate or dance through it. She said Idol is amazing because if you see it then you see that these kids have something in them and if you give it a few years they will pop up somewhere.
Katy told Howard that she has done other things than this solo thing. She said she did all kinds of odd jobs. Howard said it must be great to be a solo artist. He said that it would be tremendous security to have a band though. Katy said she doesn't know. She said she was never in a band that had success. She said she is the captain of the ship but she has co-captains and team mates. He said she is running things in a way but not all on her own. She said that if things do go wrong then it's all on her.
Howard said he doesn't think that she likes Lionel Richie that much. He said he thinks that she kind of ignores him a lot. He said that she's tickled by Luke but not so much Lionel. Howard said he's a famous guy who is always looking to get into her shtick. He said he thinks she's annoyed by him. Katy said she is just embodying one of his daughters. She said that she has tremendous respect for him. Howard asked if he's annoying though. Katy said that she just referenced him in a song. Howard asked why not him. Katy said Lionel has like 75 teeth. She said she's never seen him down. She said that if he turns serious it's something else. She said that they talk about their heroes and he tells them stories about hanging out and the friendship. She said he has a lot of stories. She said he's like the guy you want to let you down. She said when he lets you go then you believe it.
Howard asked if she's going to stick with the show. Katy said she will stay as long as they want her. She said she has fun doing it. Howard said she is getting paid well to do the show. He said that they might not even pay that Luke guy to do the show. Howard asked if anyone talks about the kind of money she's making. Katy said it's not always reported correctly. She said those things are to be taken with a grain of salt. Howard asked if it embarrasses her to make that kind of money. Katy asked why. Howard said people reported on his salary on America's Got Talent. He said that people would bring it up and he thinks there was a bit of a problem with people getting envious. Katy said that she works hard on that show and why not have someone like her getting paid well. She said she wants to be part of the show and she wanted to help reinvent it with ABC. She said that they had already done so many on FOX and they wanted to make it fresh and cool for ABC. She said one of the executive producers, Trish, was so fantastic. She said they get along really well. She said they respect each other's viewpoints. She said they both strategize all the time. She said she's glad she's able to be part of the show.
Howard said in 2018 she was the highest paid woman in the business. Katy said that they have a very high tax rate in California. Howard said she should move to Florida so they can take care of that.
Howard said the new album is out and it's called Smile. He asked what she's going to do about marrying Orlando. He said this COVID is fucking everything up. He said they have to plan something. Katy said you can't plan in 2020 because everything gets canceled. Robin said she can't get married just once. Katy said she never heard of the other wedding. Howard said he read about a couple. He said he read they were going to marry in Japan during the summer. Katy said they have to take things one week at a time.
Howard asked what Orlando is doing. Katy said he's sleeping in the other room. She said that he has a six pack and she looks like Shrek right now. She said your partner is supposed to put on some weight with you. She said not him. Howard said of course not. He said he has to be prefect. Katy said she thinks he ages backwards. She said he gets up at 8 and chants. Howard asked if its in the nude. She said no. Howard said he bets that he's naked for an hour in the morning looking at himself in the mirror. Katy said they have two dogs and one of them has gone missing. She said that he's been out looking for the dog. Katy said the dog is curious and he loves to sniff things. She said he's still intact with his balls. She said that people have opinions about doing that to dogs. Howard told her to get him in there so he can straighten him out. He said of course he should neuter the dog. Katy said he's having a really tough time right now so keep him in your prayers.
Howard said Katy's new album is her baby until the baby comes. Katy showed Howard her baby bump and said when this one comes she's not going to care who the fuck Katy Perry is and she's just going to want to be fed.
Howard review what they talked about and talked about how happy Katy seems to be. He said she got her smile back and things are going well for her.
Howard said he was talking about how Ryan Seacrest has to quit some of his jobs. He said he passed out on American Idol. He said that he has some drive. Katy said that she has learned balance in her life and she hopes that others can too. She said that Ryan has a niece and he sees how great that is. She said they want him to come to more dinner parties but he goes to bed so early. Howard asked who her friends are these days. He said he saw that Jennifer Aniston was the baby's godmother. Katy said that's a reach. She said they're close but she's not the godmother. Howard said Robin would be a great one. Katy said they're not even there yet. She said they have ideas for names but they haven't set that in stone. Howard asked about the names. She said Howardina is one. Howard said he would love that. He asked if that's the worst name ever. He asked what names they're thinking about. Katy said it won't be Apple but she would say that the ideas are names that are timeless or artistic. She said they could be creative or a banker. Howard said how about Lionella. Katy said that Orlando's name is actually Orlando Jonathan Blanchard Copeland Bloom. She said that she might be the only one who can say it correctly.
Howard said he was thinking that she should take his name. Katy said she will because Bloom is poetic. Howard asked when she gave herself the name Perry. Katy said her mother's maiden name was Perry.
Katy said they would love to have Howard over at some point if he's ever out there. Howard said he would love to see what's going on out there. Katy said she's always dreaming very large. Howard said he stopped dreaming a few years ago. He said he's very happy that she's where she is now. He said she's a big star.
Katy asked if this was good. Howard said they can review. He went over everything they went over today. He said that was a big deal talking about Orlando's penis. Katy said she had a feeling that would be a topic for Howard. Howard said he thinks it went very well. Katy said they have to do this more than every 10 years. Robin said she would love to know why they were rejected all these years. Howard said they could have trashed Russell Brand but they didn't go there. Katy said she just wants the best for people. Howard said everyone has been in a relationship that sucks. He said every woman who dated him was in one.
Howard said they didn't talk about the Super Bowl. He said they can talk about that another time. Howard said she tattooed her finger for that. Katy said that she has a few that you can't see. She said they're all hidden so you don't see them all the time. Howard asked why the Super Bowl. He said she's had way more bigger successes. Katy said the Super Bowl in this country is a huge deal. She said she still has that huge tiger that she was brought out on. Howard said just throw it out. He said he's learning that about all of the stuff he has in storage. He said he's taking it and throwing it all out.
Howard said he has to let Katy go because she must have to pee. She said no but she would like to go back to bed. She said it was very nice to speak with him. Howard played her out with her song ''Daisies.'' Howard asked her to give Orlando a big kiss for him. Katy said she will give him a big sloppy one. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said that was a good looking woman. Katy said she didn't even brush her teeth or shower for him. Howard said she still looks great.
Howard said he was thinking about how comforting it must be to have two incomes. He said they both make great money. He said he'd love that. He said he's as straight as can be but he was swooning over Orlando. He said he's a dangerous guy. He said if he had half the looks he has the world would be his oyster. Howard said he wishes Beth could look at a body like he has instead of his body.
Gary asked if he would have the personality he has if he did have those looks. Howard said he looks more pregnant than Katy. He said she showed her belly and she looks good.
Howard said he has to talk to Beth to turn her on. He said it's not his looks that turn her on. He said his feet are his best feature. He said Beth posted something with his feet in them last week. He said she knows his best feature. He said women were talking about his nice feet. He said he'd trade in those feet for the worst feet just to look like Orlando Bloom. Robin said he may not be a good person at all.
Howard asked if he would be an evil superman if he had those looks. Robin said he would and he'd be horrible. Howard said she's right. He said they'd all suffer. Robin said she would be jealous and not be able to work with him. Howard said she'd jump out a window.
Ralph said he has to say that he kind of dismisses Katy's music and how she doesn't have a brain in her head but now he wants to check out Idol. He said he's kind of interested in her now after hearing that interview.
Robin said she was thinking about watching Idol again too. Howard said he watches every season. He said the girl who won this year was really good. He said she looked like a street person at the start of the season but then she changed.
Howard said he thought it was a funny idea to do America's Got Talent when they asked him to. He said his agent was against it at first but then they took a meeting. He said he was passionate about it and Don got into it. He said he thought it would be weird to do it. He said then they came back with a shitty offer for money and he didn't want to do it. He said they played hard ball with him and he didn't play along with that. He said he was sitting around for a couple of months and didn't hear from them. He said then it got close to air date and they came up with some money. Ralph said he loves that he stopped running around the country and made them bring the auditions to him.
Howard said they made him another shitty offer to do the show and he told them to leave him alone. He said he didn't want to do it. He said they wanted him to go to Texas and there was no way he was going there. He said they went away again and then his agent called and said they were coming around. He said then he was ready to do this thing. He said he can imagine they had to empty a Brinks truck to get her on Idol. He said Lionel Richie wasn't doing anything so they didn't have to pay him that much. He said that Luke guy no one even knew. He said there's people on that show who should be judging him. He said Katy was playing in the big leagues.
Robin said that she was looking at the big curtain Katy had. Howard said she was hiding Orlando behind that. Ralph said she was keeping him from Howard. Howard said that guy has a huge cock. Robin said he really is so good looking and he had to shave off all his hair for a movie and he was still beautiful. Howard said Katy had better chain him down. He said he imagines she has to chain down that cock like King Kong. Ralph said Howard would be running around naked all the time if he had that big cock.
Howard said he knows that guy walks around chanting in the house naked. He said he knows a woman who married a guy who is in league with Orlando. He said this guy came over to his house and he had his ass crack hanging out and his shirt showing his abs. He said this guy wants to be naked. He said he doesn't hang out with those people anymore. He said Orlando is completely nude on a boat. He said he would never do the show with clothes if he had a dick like that. Howard said he would be nude on camera if he had a big cock like that. He said that's why he's never been naked on film. Ralph said if he was good looking then he never would have been funny. Howard said who cares about funny if you're good looking. He said he's hung like a pimple, it's ridiculous.
Howard said he sees why people fall for Orlando Bloom. He said he's a good looking kid. He said his wife had to tell him who he was when he met him the first time. He said the guy is very interesting. He said he wants to be boring and well hung. He said what he wants is for people to get excited that he's in the room because he's handsome.
Ralph said he knows a lot of good looking people who lose their looks and it's not a pretty picture. Howard said there are some guys who think that these guys are ''mysterious'' but they turn out to be just stupid. He said Orlando was charming though. He said he figured he was going to go charm his wife.
Robin said Katy was fun today. Howard said she was. Howard let Ralph go after that. Robin said Katy has a real Marilyn Monroe vibe to her. Howard said she's good looking and she can sing. Howard said he could handle her. Robin said she wouldn't be carrying rugs downstairs for him.
Howard went into his impression of his mother and had her talking about how he didn't do that much for her like he claimed. He had her talking about how difficult her life was. He had her talking about how she had to clean his dirty underpants and all of that.
Howard said goodbye to his mother and she said that she had to prepare him for life with that small penis and that face. Howard said it's been a tough life.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that he has to stop downgrading himself. She said she's seen him on Beth's Instagram and he's breath taking. She said he's looking incredible. Howard said he has to get Beth to hear that. The caller said she knows already.
Howard said he had to masturbate yesterday. He said he had sworn it off because he wants to have sex with his wife. He said he had built up a load over a couple of days. He said that she had her period though. He said that he had been saving up. She said Beth's period came early. He said he watched a mom and her step son. He said he looked more like her father. Howard said this woman walks around in short shorts and a top with her belly showing. He said her boobs are pouring out of the shirt. He said the son comes home and says he has a headache. He takes some aspirin which turns out to be boner pills. He said the guy gets a boner and the step mom comes into his room and he turns over so she won't see it. Howard said she tells him to lay on his stomach so she can give him a massage. Robin said that'll help. Howard said the step mom ends up rubbing his asshole almost. He said then she has him on his back and pulls his underwear down and massages his penis. He said it ends up in her mouth and then he's done and doesn't know what happens after that. He said then he had to clean up and delete his history. He said he covers the eye on the camera so no one can see him. Robin said that they say don't close the laptop with the camera covered or you can damage the machine. Howard said he uses an iPad. He said he knows what he's doing. He said he's got many years of practice hiding from his mother. He said he turned to a professional early on.
The caller said that Howard should have kept his shirt unbuttoned after Robin told him to button up. Robin said he needed to button up.
Howard asked Sue what she looks like. Sue said she isn't good looking at all. She said she knows how this show goes. Howard asked what she weighs. The caller, Sue, said 165 so Howard said goodbye. He said that he does appreciate the compliment though.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who could barely be heard. King changed something and sounded fine. King said that he has to compliment Howard and Beth. He said they have been in the house all this time and haven't gone anywhere really. He said they're still laughing and giggling with each other. He said that's pretty cool. Howard said he told Beth the other day that he's so appreciative of her. He said they are quarantined and they enjoy each other's company. He said they weren't even looking at him. He said they were watching the Where Are They Now: My 600 Pound Life. He said there are a lot of successes going on out there. He said some people lose the weight and you wonder why they bothered. He said one woman looked fabulous. Howard said they still joke around and have fun. King said they still like each other. Howard said he really likes Beth.
Robin said King has called in with advice for Howard and if he had taken it then this would not be happening. She said his advice is terrible. King said don't end on that note. Howard said he has to end the show. King said he just wants to say this. He said this is the down side. He said if something awful happens then he will be heart broken. He said he won't want to love. Howard said he's right. He said part of his therapy has been opening up to loving and if he does lose her then he would be heartbroken. Robin said she thinks what he was trying to say is that King would not be upset if his wife died. Howard said that's right.
Howard got in a plug for Gardein who sponsored the show today. Howard said he has to go pee and he'll be in there for like 15 minutes. Robin said he's like a horse. Howard said he is clearing the whole show for tomorrow. He said he has so many things to get to. He said he will get to phone calls and Chad and J.T. will check in but other than that they have an empty morning. Robin said she wants to talk about Ryan Seacrest because he broke up with his girlfriend and he's off traveling and meeting people. Howard said that's why his eye almost popped out of his head on American Idol. He said he has no animosity toward the guy but you do have to say no to a few things. He said that he ain't relaxing. He said he still has ants in his pants. He said if he was his management team he'd tell him to calm down a little bit. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:40am.
Howard said he had trouble sleeping last night. He said he was watching Star Girl. Robin said that was an editor's pick on some service. She said it may have been Apple TV. She said she saw that it was there and thinking about Howard watching it.
Howard said he was talking to Katy Perry yesterday and mentioned watching shows like that and she gave him an odd look. He said he likes shows that young girls like.
Robin said Howard didn't like high school and he keeps trying to recreate those times so he can have a good time like they do. Howard said he and his wife like the same kind of TV so it's good. He said they like Kissing Booth and Kissing Booth 2.
Howard said he took a class in college and it was basically watching Ingmar Bergman movies. He said he feels bad that his father had to pay for that. He said he graduated magna cum laude and he had taken classes that weren't that impressive. He said he got a degree in bullshit. He said he got out of college and he was wandering the streets with resumes. He said he heard from no one because it was so bad. He said he majored in communications. He said that was even bullshit. He said you'd think that he had some experience in TV or radio but he really didn't.
Howard said the classes were asking what you thought of these Ingmar Bergman movies. He said you'd talk about the movie and the professor would tell you that was very good when you explained it. He said he was told how profound he was. Robin said they were bullshitters too. Howard said now he's busy watching Kissing Booth 1 and 2. He said that's what he's doing with that degree.
Howard said his dad would tell him to go get a job after he'd explain what something meant in a movie. He said it was bullshit.
Howard said he wanted to be on radio but the college had no classes on radio. He said they had a radio station but it went nowhere. He said it was just going into the dormitory. He said it was a little better than taking a string and two cups and talking to Robin. He said he would have had better experience talking into a tape recorder.
Howard said he took 4 years of that and didn't know how to sound on radio. He did an impression of himself sounding like Kermit the Frog in his early days. Howard said those classes did nothing for him.
Howard said they would spend half a year talking about the radio stations and the companies that owned them. He said he had a job at WNTN in Newton, Massachusetts. He said he was so bad that the guy said he wasn't going to pay him. He said the guy was right. He said he wasn't good.
Howard said he asked his dad to buy him a car because he got a job. He said he told him it was at WNTN but he wasn't able to get there. He said it was in the suburbs. He said his dad got him a Dodge Polara. He said the car took up half a block. He said it was huge. He said his dad had a friend who owned the car and he wanted to unload it. He said his friends called it ''Big Beauty.'' He said he had to have them save him a spot on the street to park it in. He said he got the car and he was out of a job 2 weeks later.
Howard said he still had the car and he would look for radio stations in the worst places in the world. He said he would go to Pittsfield, Massachusetts looking for a job. He said he went to WBLM in Maine and they said he wasn't good enough. He said you can imagine what was going on up there.
Howard said his father paid for college and the car and based on what he's shelling out for them now they got the better end of the deal. He said what he has to pay for people is insane. He said he spends money on his own but he's careful with his money.
Howard said he would go to these stations and tell them that he had seen many Ingmar Bergman movies in school. He said they wouldn't know what he was talking about. He said he was magna cum laude. He said most of these guys didn't even go to college. He said they had good voices for being on radio. Howard did his impression of the guys he was talking to.
Howard said he applied for a job in Alaska because things were so bad. He said he never heard from them. Robin asked if he sent a tape. Howard said he did. He said they had people no the air who couldn't talk. He said they didn't get back to him. He said he figured he was going to live in an igloo the rest of his life. He didn't even get an interview up there.
Howard said life goes full circle. He said now he's in his basement doing radio and beating off in his bedroom.
Robin said people were upset that Jeff Bezos made like 13 billion in a day. Howard said he's not upset about that. He said no one handed him the money. He said he made selling books online a business. He said he was just going to sell you books. He said if you thought of that you wouldn't even do it. He said it sounds like a dumb idea. He said it was no lock that it was going to be successful. He said Jeff Bezos didn't waste his time watching Ingmar Bergman movies.
Howard said he has nothing against Jeff Bezos making that kind of money. He said he made his life easier. He said he hates shopping. He said he orders books from this guy and you can read some of the book without even paying for it. He said he ordered a book the other day. He said it was about organizing your life. He said he likes reading about that. He said it was some kind of brain scientist and he wanted to check out his book. He said he was bored out of his skull reading it. He said he didn't buy the book, he just read the free part and gave up.
Howard said he heard that Richard gets all of his groceries from Amazon. Robin said people thought Jeff was profiting from the pandemic but it's not like that. She said he had a company that was able to deliver during this pandemic.
Howard said he doesn't have those bad feelings for people like that. He said he would like to have that kind of money but the guy busted his balls for that. He said this is what America is. He said that you can be a success if you bust your balls. He said he didn't inherit it.
Howard said he saw Jeff Bezos' wife running around. He said she really hit the lottery with that guy. He said you can look like Benjy and Emily Ratajkowski would want to fuck you if you have Jeff Bezos money.
Howard said that Facebook guy made a lot of money too. He said there are some things he doesn't agree with but the guy worked hard for that money. He said he's not against him.
Howard said CBS Sunday Morning is good. He said he doesn't know about this story with Kim Novak. He said he has looked at a lot of art work by famous people and they claim to be painters but for the most part it's horrible. He said for some reason when people paint they feel anything goes. He said that Robin has a friend named Simone Dinnerstein who took piano lessons to learn how to play. He said you have to do that when you learn to draw and paint. He said most people aren't willing to put the time in to learn. He said at the end of the day it might be signed by a famous name but they really didn't put any time in. He said they have no talent in that area but you can call a straight line art. He said in terms of skill level and learning to draw in perspective they won't do it. He said it's bullshit.
Howard said some celebrities are good. He said Winston Churchill was good. He said he wasn't great but he was good. He said there are certain celebrities who have big shows. He said their paintings are atrocious. He said people pay crazy money for the name. He said he doesn't know what they're thinking. He said this is what it is. He said most people paint and draw on a second grader level. He said the schools stop teaching art so when you learn to draw it doesn't progress. He said he sees these people drawing stick figures.
Howard said there are some people who can paint. He said Tony Bennett isn't bad. Mariann said Jim Carrey is good. Howard said Kevin Nealon is good. He said he paints and he's really good. He said there are some famous people who can do it. He said Justin Theroux is good too. Robin asked about Jimmy Kimmel. Howard said he's really good at caricatures.
Gary said the Kim Novak stuff is really good. He said Jason came in one day and told him that he was moved by her paintings. He said he looked at it and they are very good. Robin asked how you see with 89 year old eyes. Howard said that's a problem. He said that's why he wishes he had started earlier.
Howard said he is still an amateur. He said he wishes he had more time to learn. Robin said she has seen his paintings and they're quite amazing to her. Howard said they're really not. He said there are people out there who are struggling and they're really good.
Mariann said that he's too hard on himself. Howard said there are people who will blow your mind.
Mariann asked how she can love the show more than she has. She said the shows have been incredible lately. Howard hung up on her in the middle of her saying something about Steve Brandano.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he has seen that Kim Novak stuff and it's okay but not impressive. He said he doesn't get Howard because he downplays the art he does. He said the thing he sent him was mind blowing to him. He said the way he studies is amazing. He said he has applied himself and he's not sure why he tortures himself. He said he has found this great thing and just celebrate it. Howard asked who wants to be mediocre. He said we strive for greatness. He said if you do something you have to be the best at it. He said he does enjoy doing it. He said there are times when he lays down paint and he obsesses over it. He said he's afraid he's going to fuck it up.
Ralph said Howard is all about that book that says you have to put in a thousand hours to be good at it. Howard said it's 10,000 hours. Robin said Ralph would have been good at something if it was only 1000.
Howard said Ralph took a beating in the email. He read some of the feedback he got about Ralph going off on Benjy for going out and dating during the pandemic. Howard said Ralph has put in 10,000 hours of getting hate mail. He read a bunch of comments and Ralph said these are all just stupid people. He said Howard has said it himself that a lot of the listeners are just dumb. Howard had some fans telling him to limit Ralph's time on the show. Howard said there you go. Ralph said ''thanks mom.''
Howard said Bobo got it worse in the mail. He said the fans are livid with him. He said they think he's a liar. Howard read some of that feedback and they say that if you have a CDL then you aren't supposed to hold your phone at all even if you're at a red light.
Howard said Ralph was on the phone with city hall reporting people who aren't wearing masks. Robin said he can make some citizen's arrests. Ralph said he is working on something. Howard said Ralph was hoping that Benjy gets COVID because of the mask thing. Ralph said he's one of the reasons that he can't see his fucking family because he's running around acting like it's okay. Howard said he does not understand people who are anti-mask. He said we have a wacky country full of wacky people who should live on Moron Island.
Ralph said all you have to do to help cut back on this virus is wear a fucking mask and they can't even do that. He said you don't have to wear it 24 hours. He said just wear it outside when you're around people.
Howard said imagine you're working in a hospital and risking your life and you see that people aren't willing to wear masks. Ralph said these health care workers are working like 48 hours and they're surrounded by death.
Benjy got on and said he does wear a mask. He said people have seen him on the street and he's wearing a mask. He said Jon Hein saw him. Howard said when he was at the bar he wasn't wearing one. Benjy said when he was at the curbside bar he wasn't when he was drinking. He said he does wear one when he's walking around. Benjy said Ralph was the one who was photographed without one. Ralph said that was fake news. He said he always wears a mask and it's a beautiful mask. Howard said they all get it, it's enough with the mask talk.
Howard let Ralph go and got Bobo on the phone. He read the feedback he got about Bobo and the phone at the red light thing. Howard read one where a guy said that if you have a CDL license you can't hold your phone no matter where you are driving. Bobo said he has to clarify. He said Natalie Maines would go on his Periscope and see him there. He said he would be parked and he'd have cars on the left and right of him. He said that's what she saw. He said she went out and discredited him. He said that's fact.
Howard read another email about how even when you're stopped you are in control of that car and can't hold a phone. Bobo said that he doesn't like someone discrediting him like that. He said he never did what Natalie said he did. He said he has admitted to things and he didn't do what she claimed.
Howard read more email about Bobo and someone asked for them to bring back the unfollow Bobo thing. Bobo said you're not doing your job if you don't have people hating on you. He said that's what Triple H said in the WWE. Robin said that doesn't make sense.
Bobo said he drove a million miles in all conditions and he did fine. He said he drove a tractor trailer. Howard said he loves that his words of wisdom come from wrestlers. Robin said he didn't even get that right.
Bobo said Triple H said that you're not doing your job if you don't have people hating you. He said that's what he was saying.
Bobo said down in Orlando they're testing vaccines in clinical trials and they're paying $900. He said he won't do it. He said some idiot will do it. Howard said those are brave people who will try that. He hung up on Bobo. Fred was doing his Bobo puppet voice and quoting other WWE wrestlers.
Howard asked if they want a Bobo song. He said he thinks there's one. He eventually found one about Bobo. It was about Bobo being a schmuck.
Howard said he has a woman on the phone who refuses to wear a mask. He said her name is Bree. Howard took the call from the fake caller who said that they're ruining her life by talking about wearing masks. She said her mom won't let her go to the beach without a mask because she's listening to the show. She said she has amendment rights that say she doesn't have to wear a mask. Howard said it's not that hard to wear a mask. Bree said that people can't see your face so it's ugly people who are wearing them. She said that they say that masks are bad and you can suffocate wearing them.
Howard said Benjy wants to know if Bree is single. Bree said ''Ewwahhh...'' She said that's gross. Howard said he has to get out of this conversation.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to make a comment about Bezos and guys making tons of money. He said there's no problem with that but the companies aren't paying taxes. He said that's what he has a problem with. Howard said Bezos isn't in control over that. The caller asked why it's fair for that. Howard said it's not fair and that's why he has a problem with what goes on in this country sometimes. He said that is bullshit. He said they're on the same page with him on that. Howard said he's fine with a flat tax. He said religions should be paying taxes too. He said they're the biggest racket on the planet. He said all churches and religions should be paying taxes. He said they're the same as weight watchers. He said they have meetings where they sell you hope. He said it's just another business.
Howard said there is an unfair quality to all of this. He said they should have a flat tax. He said especially the religions. He said he reads about churches settling pedophila cases with the money that they have tax free. He said we pay those settlements because they're paying the taxes. Howard said churches got tax payer money for COVID-19 relief. He said they basically got to pay off their pedophila cases with that money. Howard said he doesn't care what religion it is, they should all be paying taxes.
Howard said this porn was a step mom and her son. He said he didn't really finish the story. He said he feels bad for the dad in that story. He said the story line is so sad. He said this poor schmuck married this woman and she's home all day parading around in little shorts and her tits are out with no bra. He said she's showing her wares to everyone. He said this guy leaves his son home with his step mom.
Howard said he has to remind you that he graduated magna cum laude in communications. He said that's why he can tell this story so well.
Howard said this dad is out and his son is home and comes home to his step mom. He has a headache and takes some pills that turn out to be boner pills and not aspirin. He said the whole thing was wacky. He went through the story about how the mom gets him into bed and he has a boner. He said the kid is on his back and the step mom comes in to help him out. She rubs his back and then his front.
Howard said what he left out was the kid says that his dad needs boner pills with this woman. He said the mom says that his penis is so much better than his father's. He said that it was bad enough that she was with the step son. He said then she insults the dad. Howard said he felt so bad for the guy. He said that was the kicker to the story that he left out. He said porn is in a really dark place.
Howard said he wanted to find the father and tell him what was going on. He said sometimes in the porn you find out the father was in the closet watching.
Howard said these days porn stars are staying home and doing porn from there. He said the porn industry is taking a big hit from that. He said he really has to take a break.
King said he wanted to clarify something. He said when a man abuses a woman it's a form of love in a weird way. Howard said it's a form of control because he's insecure. King said it's love. Howard said that's not it. He said he's not confident in his manliness. He said that's an idiotic statement. King said he's not condoning hitting women. He asked if the guy in his porno came in and beat up his wife, would that be justified. Howard said no. He said that you're not justified in beating up a woman for any reason. He said if she wants to fuck someone else then she's going to do it. He said that's not love beating her up. King said that's different. Howard said it's the same.
Howard said lets say that you beat up a woman. He asked if she's going to love you. King said she won't do it again. Howard said that's dopey. King kept trying to justify it but Howard said this is silly and he can't take it. He hung up on King. He said that being loving is not hitting someone. Robin said love doesn't hurt.
Howard took a call from a guy who said King is doubling down on hitting your wife and that's crazy. He asked if it turns Howard off when a guy chokes a woman in porn and he has gold chains on his wrist and all of that. Howard said it does. He said he hates when these guys are supposed to be 20 and they look 45. He said the one he watched the other day had a guy who wasn't even close to high school. He said he had greying temples. He said he also doesn't like tattoos on the man or the woman. He said it looks so bad on video. He said women have to stop tattooing themselves if they're going to be in porn.
Howard said the people should also try to look their best and try to get a good night's sleep the night before the shoot. Gary talked about how they have a girl who's supposed to be inexperienced at sex but she's got a vaginal piercing and huge fake tits. He said that takes away from it when you see that.
Robin asked if Howard has seen this Machine Gun Kelly guy who is with Megan Fox. She said he has so many tattoos that it looks like he's still wearing clothes when he takes his clothes off. Howard said some chicks must dig that.
Howard took a call from guy who said he has to stop picking up on King of All Blacks. He said the guy is a wife abuser. Howard said he's right. He said King told him the other day that women will leave if you stop beating them. He said all of his ideas don't work. Robin said if Howard had listened to his advice then he never would have had this great marriage. Howard said he is really strange. Howard said he also said that if he gets COVID then it's his wife's duty to get it with him.
Gary said King has called the show many times to tell Howard to forbid Beth from doing things she wants to do. Gary said if he had listened to him she would have been gone 10 years ago.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she doesn't get why he likes story lines in porn. She said she goes right to the sex part. Howard said she sounds like a guy. Howard said he's more like a woman and he needs that story line. He said he can't just watch sex. He said he needs to know why the sex occurred. He said sometimes he blows a load during the story before the sex part.
Howard took another call from King of All Blacks who said that he doesn't abuse his wife. Robin asked why he's always calking in about it. King said he had something else to talk about that's very relevant. He said a man who does that and gets overboard does love her. He said she has to leave him but don't say he doesn't love her. Howard said he doesn't love her and he is a child. King said that's not true. Howard said he's talking about himself and he's insecure about himself and he doesn't like it when someone goes out without him liking it. King said he's not condoning the beating thing. Howard said he's not sure what the argument is. He said he's disagreeing with him there and that is not love.
King said on the other side of the coin they aren't giving the power to the woman to leave the guy. He said they go back to the guy because it's love. Howard said they're scared. He said it's not love. Howard said sometimes they feel so worthless that they put up with it. King said they're making the woman the victim all the time. Howard said if you hit someone in the face with a bat you're a victim.
Howard asked King if a pedophiles loves the kids they're with. King said he's going somewhere else with that. He said no. Howard said why are they doing it then. King said come on.
Howard asked King about a guy seducing a young boy and if the guy loves that kid. King said that's a different scenario. Howard asked if he thinks the guy is in love with the kid. King said he's not in love and he's just in love with the gratification he's getting. Howard asked if a man is in love with a woman if he punches her in the face. King said this is a different thing. Howard said a man who punches and chokes a woman is not in love with her. He said he's a woman hater. King said you have to give him the scenario.
Howard said lets say a guy comes home to his wife who is dressed nice to go out to a movie with her friends. He said the guy hits her. King said he loves his wife. Howard said the guy who molests a boy doesn't love the boy but the guy who punches his wife in the face loves his wife. King said in that scenario, yes. King said he just has to clarify. He said that some people aren't as smart as him. Howard said he isn't that smart.
King said he has to get this out so don't hang up. He said he knows Howard's wife loves him. He said if his wife did what he just said in that scenario then he is smart enough to stop himself from hitting his wife. He said not everyone can do that. Howard said he is happy for his wife to go out and have fun. King said he's lying. Howard said he's not lying. Howard said what King is doing is outdoing Kanye in the crazy. King said get outtta here. He said that guy is crazy. Howard said he's had enough of this. King begged him not to hang up.
Robin said that if you can justify striking a person over doing something you don't like, that's not love, that's possession.
Howard gave King another scenario where a guy is walking past a gay bar and sees two guys kissing passionately. He said he takes a bat to them and beats them up. King said that guy hates them. Howard asked why that is. King said he's offended by it and thinks it's disgusting. Howard said wrong. He said this guy hates that he hasn't had that kind of love and passion so why should they be happy when he's not happy. King said he's wrong. He said he disagrees with him on that. Howard said that's what it's about in this scenario.
Howard said when you see a woman in a relationship where the guy takes a baseball bat to his wife that's not love. He said it's insecurity about the guy not thinking he can control that woman. King was still arguing about it. Howard said next week he's going to discuss the merits of stoning a person in public. He hung up on King.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he has to stop having him on the show. He said King isn't making sense and he sounds stupid.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he agrees with Ralph and can't believe that but he does. He said what King is saying is love is ridiculous. He said it's power and control. He said they're in situations that they can't escape. He said that's why these people stay in horrible situations. He said King is and idiot. Howard thanked him for the call and went to break.
Howard came back and talked about how good that song is. He said he wishes he could write a song like that. Robin asked what happened to that band. Howard said no one knows.
Howard asked if Robin heard Kanye West do his abortion meltdown. Robin said she heard portions of it. She said she has a problem watching someone who is mentally ill as entertainment. Howard said they built a career on that. He said he knows what she means. He said he is in the middle of a breakdown. He said he loves that he's running for president. Robin said when he's not in one of these phases he can make sense. She said he was on a Letterman interview once and he was very rational at the time. Howard said you can have a full break and not know it. Robin said now he doesn't know what to do. Howard said Kanye is somewhere in the mid-west and he was there with a group of guys who weren't wearing masks. He said Chappelle was there and he was trying to help. He said then Kanye asked Dave to say something funny. He said then Chappelle thought it was a bad idea going out there.
Howard said Kanye said he wasn't running for President and now he is. He said he's running against Trump apparently. He said he went into a rant about how he was almost aborted and how he almost aborted his kid. He said it was crazy. He said then you expect the authorities to come and take him somewhere. Robin said they can't catch you when you have a lot of money. Howard said his wife was trying to get him committed on a 5150 or something.
Howard played a clip of Kanye yelling about how his mom saved him and his dad wanted him aborted. He was yelling about how they almost killed their daughter. Howard said he has a whole crew that was nodding in agreement with him.
Robin said she also heard he was demanding quiet around him. He said he wants you to listen quietly to everything he says. Howard said he thought it was a rally for his run for President. He said then it turned into this.
Howard said he tweeted something about Cris Jenner last night and called her Cris Jong-Un. He said that was pretty witty. He said he was also talking about how she shouldn't be putting her daughters in Playboy.
Robin said now Kanye is talking about how they have to move the family out to Montana. Howard said that's a sure sign of crazy. He said someone has to get a hold of that situation.
Howard said Ronnie said he saw some Flat Ronnie's in the stands at some games. Jon said that some of the players are wearing masks out in the field. He said the some umpires are wearing masks too. He said they are all worried about getting it because they could be out for 2 weeks or more. He said they have to be tested every day. He said if someone gets sick and it runs through the team then the season is over. He said in Canada they refused to let the Blue Jays play in their stadium. He said they'll be playing in Pittsburgh instead. He said that's nuts.
Howard asked if they can censor who the cut outs are. He said maybe they can have Harvey Weinstein and Jeffrey Epstein cut outs there. Robin said how about Jerry Sandusky. Jon said there are cut outs of dogs and cats. Howard said he's thinking real hard core hijinks. Jon said they may not know who Sandusky is if they get a casual shot of him.
Howard said he heard that Jon shit his pants. Jon said he did. He said he was in his car and he thought he had to fart. He said he did fart but it was more than a fart. He said he was heading home but got stuck in traffic. Howard asked if he thought it was just something stuck in his ass. Jon said he did. He said when he got home it looked like when a baby explodes in a diaper. Jon said he threw his jeans and underwear off in the garage. He said he went into the house and his wife saw him heading to the basement and said ''Tough day, huh?''
Howard said he has been taking Metamucil and he was in his bathing suit the other day. He said he farted and it was more than a fart. He said it felt very watery. He said he got back to the house and the bathing suit had some netting in it and some ass juice had worked its way out. He said he doesn't think it smelled bad but he did put it into the sink like his mom used to do. He said he scrubbed the juice out of it. Jon said he knew that his pants had no future. He said that's why he threw them out.
Jon said he was hoping that he was in the clear but it turns out he wasn't. Howard said everyone around him was wearing a mask after he shit his pants.
Gary said he had a stomach virus for a few days when the quarantine started. He said his stomach has not been right since. He said he'll be okay for a couple of weeks and then he has issues again. He said he has ''sharted'' 3 times during quarantine. He said one of them was about 10 minutes before the Tom Brady interview. He said he was in the bathroom trying to clean himself. He said it happened about a week ago too. He said he took his underpants and scrubbed them. He said then Mary came in and went ''Oh come on, really?''
Howard said he thinks Gary is being very affected by this quarantine. He said he thinks he's really depressed with the knee thing and quarantine. He said he had a bad stomach and he's just bummed out. Gary said he is. He's also on medication. Gary said one of the things he takes is Potassium. He said that he noticed the past couple of times that it's not digesting. He said the pill came out in full. He said he's not sure how that's possible.
Ronnie said he loves that they laugh at him for pulling shit out of his ass. He said Gary is shitting his pants all the time.
Gary said he sharted last week while he was on the couch. Howard said it might be COVID. Gary said it could be. He said that it was 11 days of stomach issues. Will said he thinks Gary might have given it to him. Gary said Will may have given it to him. Robin said that Gary will be tested before surgery. Gary said he doesn't think he has it now.
Howard said they went to the Wack Pack an asked them what they think about the Washington Redskins changing their name. Robin said you're supposed to just say ''Washington Team'' and not mention the name.
Howard said they asked Mark the Bagger what they should call the new team. Mark came up with the Washington Homos. Mark is a Philadelphia fan so he didn't care about that. Howard said Mark has had a few interesting moments with men so he's going out of his way to act super macho. Robin said it is over compensating.
Howard said Bigfoot is confused by the whole situation. He thinks Redskin is a term for black people. Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to Bigfoot about that. Bigfoot thought that the name was about black guys and not Native Americans. Howard said he thinks that what Bigfoot said was horribly racist but he's not sure what he said.
Howard played a clip of Wendy the Slow Adult talking about the Redskins and coming up with another name for the team. Wolfie asked her what name would be more appropriate. Wendy said how about the Washington Retards. She said her mom calls her retarded all the time so why not?
Howard said Wendy thought it was silly that native Americans were offended. Howard had some clips of Wendy talking about how stupid it is that they're getting upset about the name now. She said they're just pretending because they don't know what's going on in the world.
Howard said Medicated Pete wants them to be called the Washington Chicks. He said he had some logic for that. He played a clip of Pete talking about how that has a hook and a name to it. He said it's something you can grab on to. Pete said the Philadelphia Eagles aren't really birds so why can't Washington be chicks. Howard said that's logic. He said they're a group of dudes and they're not birds.
Howard said what's so great in this cancel culture is that you can't cancel someone from the Wack Pack. He said the Giants aren't really giants. He said they just go by the name.
Howard said Ham Hands Bill was sending dozens and dozens of names for the Redskins. He had some audio of Bill talking about some of those names. Howard said how about the ''Redkins.'' He said they could go by that. He said he can see the owner changing it to that. Howard played Ham Hands Bill going on and on with different names for the team. The list went on and on. Howard said he almost jumped out the window listening to that last night. Howard said he thinks Bill just opened the dictionary and started reading from it.
Howard said they called an internet sports show and had a guy getting turned on by the sports talk. Howard played the clip where the guys called this internet sports show and had a guy talking about how excited he is for sports to start up again. He got all worked up hearing about baseball. The host of the internet show kept asking him to stop. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he's dancing to this song. He was doing an Egyptian thing to the Prince song. Robin said he's just moving his hands and arms. Howard said he learned to dance after seeing his Peloton instructor dance.
Howard said he's excited about today's how because the Party Bros will be joining them in a moment. He said that's Chad Kroeger and J.T. Parr. He said they go to town council meetings and demand things. Robin said they keep going instead of just going once. Howard said this is their life's work.
Howard said Chad and JD shot to stardom when they stood up at the L.A. City Council had shred their feelings about house parties. Howard had some audio of that. He also played a clip from 2017 when they went to San Clemente and asked for a Paul Walker statue to be put up in the city.
Howard said Chad and J.T. got a lot of attention in 2019 when they proposed a Shmoll relocation. Howard played some audio of that.
Howard said a Shmoll is someone who is a good friend but they turn out to be lame so they need to get them to hang out somewhere else.
Howard said one of his favorite moments was when Chad and J.T. were on FOX News on the show Waters World. He said they were on the show and Jesse would get their take on all kinds of subjects. He said they wanted to talk about small dongs last time they were on. He played a clip where Jesse asked them about the Super Bowl and how they celebrate. Chad and J.T. went on to talk about small dongs instead. They announced grey both have small dongs.
Howard said he thinks Jesse wanted to be cool with them but as soon as the small dong thing came up then he wasn't into them. Howard said there's a rumor that they were banned from that show. He said they can ask about that.
Howard said Chad and J.T. are big proponents of wearing masks. He said they tried handing out masks to people and people were turning them down and some got angry. He said they got over a million views with that video. Howard said he's all for outing these selfish assholes who won't wear masks. Howard played some audio of the guys trying to hand out masks and people getting angry with them claiming it's all a lie.
Howard said the boys are always out there taking it to the street. Howard brought the guys on and said hello to them. He said they're still welcome there even if they're not on FOX. Howard asked the guys how they're doing. They said they're doing fine and ready to get into it. Howard said J.T. has a ton of books in his house. He said he didn't peg him as a reader. J.T. said that's his mom's house. He said reading is dank though. Howard said he likes watching things instead of reading. He said he agrees with him that it's dank.
Howard said he was shocked they were thrown off of FOX when they brought up the small dong thing. He said he welcomes that movement. Chad said they were just trying to go on a big platform and be honest about their little hogs. He said it's apparently uncouth to talk about that. He said they're proud of it. Howard said it's funny how you work out and get bigger but the dong never gets bigger.
Chad and J.T. talked about how they work out and they never get it bigger either. Howard said they could leave their legs out of the workout and maybe it would look bigger. Chad said that it boosts testosterone when you work out. He said J.T. is the master of working out. J.T. said he loves throwing steel above his head. He said it's important to look jacked and feel jacked like Henry Theroux said.
Howard said some guys don't work out their legs so they can fit into skinny jeans. He said they look disproportionate. Howard said he learns a lot from these younger guys. He said he didn't know that Henry Theroux worked out with kettle bells.
Howard asked the guys what they were trying to say on FOX News. He said that he's embarrassed by his small penis even in front of his wife. J.T. said they're trying to fight small dong hate. He said if they can just keep admitting it then they can help people. Howard asked Chad how small he is. Chad said he's not inverted but it's like a thumb tack. Robin asked if he's ashamed. Chad said he's fired up on it.
Howard asked if they have seen the statue of David. He said he didn't have a big dong and people liked him. J.T. said most of the dong pieces in antiquity are small dongs. Howard said back in the olden days it was good to have a small dong. He said you never see a big dong.
Howard said back in the old days women who were fat were attractive. He said now they get goofed on. He said maybe the penis thing will change. Howard asked who is smaller between Chad and J.T.. J.T. said he thinks he's smaller. Chad said he thinks he's smaller. J.T. said he has to be kidding. J.T. said his is more missile and Chad's is more mushroom. He said they're beautiful either way.
Howard asked if they have big balls. Chad said J.T. has huge balls. J.T. said that's so nice.
Howard asked the guys what's going on with beer pong. He asked if they're playing now. Chad said they knew it was in hot water with COVID around. He said they learned you can't trade out a HazMat suit each round. He said they tried it with spectators. J.T. said he had an idea that lets beer in but not let particulates out. He said it's like a one way mirror in a cop show.
Howard asked Chad if his dad is upset that he's not in the medical field like he is. Chad said he thinks his dad has come around. He said he had to be a stoke lord and he thinks his dad is kind of getting it. They had to explain what ''stoke'' means to Howard.
Howard asked what they're doing in quarantine about food. Chad said they went to Costco and got hot dogs. He said Howard may not know it but you can freeze meat. Howard said he didn't know that. Chad said he's trying not to be reliant on stores so he got a rooster to lay some eggs. He said they're just waiting for it to start laying the eggs.
Howard asked if they're having a hard time with isolation. Chad and J.T. said they are. J.T. said when he moons now there's no one around to gafah.
Howard asked Chad and J.T. about their friends and if they have caught the Coronavirus. Chad said his buddy Will got it in London. He said he's got antibodies now so he's hitting all the ragers out there for antibodies. Robin said they can't go though. J.T. said they were sick like 2 years ago so they just have had Coronavirus. He said they have a friend who got Coronavirus after going to a party. He said they had to cancel their trip to Ibiza too. Howard said that sounds like fun. Chad said that's what inspired them to go hand out masks in Huntington.
Howard said that mask thing was something else. He said it looked like some of these guys wanted to punch them. Chad said that JD picked up his sandals because he was ready to run.
Howard said he thought J.T. would beat the shit out of those guys and not run. J.T. said there was a time when he might have been ready to do that but he doesn't want to fight someone with anger. He said he doesn't want the guy to breathe on him if they're wrestling.
Howard said the guys must have a lot of groupies. Chad said he has a girlfriend actually. J.T. said he has herpes and a little dong too. He said he tells the women that early on. He said it hasn't been that much of an obstacle.
Howard asked the guys how they're doing with masturbation during this whole thing. Chad said his girlfriend lives at home so he has to drill himself. He said he'll put on a special about solar flares and just crank. He said he watches all of that good stuff. Howard said they're so interesting.
Howard said the guys are unbelievable with what they're up to. Howard asked how they think Trump is handling this whole Coronavirus thing. J.T. said he doesn't follow national politics too closely. He said Trump does seem a little immature. Chad said he's not wearing a mask all the time and he's putting Melania at risk and that's not cool. He said she's so hot. Howard asked if they think he has a little dong. J.T. said he thinks he has an overbearing big dong.
Robin asked if they're going to hand out more masks. Chad said they are. He said that they thought the supply chain was boned up but then they found out that people just think they suck.
Howard said they got over a million views with that first video. He said he thinks they have a future. Chad said that he's glad they have been putting that positive message out there.
Howard said he can imagine them making big movies with Netflix or someone. Chad said that would be a dream. Howard said J.T. just passed out when he said that. He said his eyes went dull. J.T. said that was pretty intense to see his dream described like that. He said it almost made him cry. He said to step into those shoes would be great. He said it would be really special to be able to do that.
Chad said they have been reshooting scenes from Fast and Furious. Howard asked who plays Vin Diesel. Chad said J.T. does. Howard said he has a similar personality. He said he can see why he plays Vin.
Howard said h wanted to tell them face to face how proud he is of them for this activism. He said for them to be on the front lines handing out free masks is great. He said America is applauding them. He said grey should get the medal of freedom some day. Chad said that means so much. J.T. said he gets where people are coming from. He said he didn't want to wear a cup in little league but then one of the guys got drilled and now he's super pro-cup.
Howard asked the guys if they get high a lot during this whole thing. J.T. said he and his mom smoke pot sometimes. He said not as often as he thinks. He said he's doing a bowl a day or so.
Howard said he has some people on the phone who have some questions for them. Howard said maybe he can take those calls.
Howard took a call from a woman named Lisa and asked if she has a good base tan. The guys were wondering. Lisa said not right now. She said she has sun burn on her back right now. Howard said you want a nice glow on a woman. J.T. said he has studied that a lot and you have to use the right UV protection. Howard asked Lisa what she wants to say. Lisa thanked the guys for going around trying to give out masks. She said they put themselves on the line. She said it's disgusting to hear people who won't wear masks and try to fight them. She asked what age group is blaming the kids for going out and spreading it. Howard said he's kind of zoning out on Lisa. Howard said she seems to be rambling a bit. Lisa apologized for that. Howard asked if she knew that the boys had small dongs would she have sex with them. Lisa said she was just going to get on that. She said size doesn't matter. She said that she's not sure what it is about size. Howard asked about J.T.'s herpes. She said he can keep that. J.T. said no worries. Howard hung up on her and said he has to meet her husband. He said he's afraid to take another call.
Howard said you can follow the guys on social media. He said that You can find them @ChadGoesDeep and @JTParr14
Howard took a call from a guy who said he'd like to jerk these guys off with his thumb and forefinger. Howard asked the guys what they think about the gay thing. Chad and J.T. talked about how small they are and how this guy would barely see it. The caller was getting worked up hearing about that.
Howard said everyone loves these guys. He said he has a small penis but it grows to like 6 inches. Chad and J.T. said that's great. Howard said he was asking them about their growth. J.T. said he never knows where to measure from. Howard said he used to measure from under his balls. He said last time he measured he measured from the base of his penis. The guys said that's a big dong. Chad said his is maybe 4-5. Howard said that's a lot of growth. Howard said when he was growing up he'd start measuring from New Jersey.
Howard said he thinks everyone feels good about young people now. He said that they have to let them know what happens next time they try to hand out free masks. Chad and J.T. said they love coming on the show. Howard said that he's going to start slinging some steel over his head thanks to J.T.'s suggestion.
Howard said those guys are so inspirational. He said for them to care so much is inspiring. Robin said it's really incredible. She said they should talk to young people more often. She said they have their head in the right spot.
Howard took a call from Lisa again and she said that she's sorry she even called. Howard asked why. Lisa said that she doesn't judge Howard and she's not sure why he was judging her. She said she made an asshole out of herself and she just called to talk. She asked if he has empathy. She said he was talking about how no one does but he doesn't seem to have empathy. Howard said he has empathy but he's doing a radio show and people have to get to the point. Lisa said he felt bad for her husband. She asked how he knows who her husband is. She said she feels bad for his wife and having to deal with him. Howard said he feels bad for her too.
Howard said now Lisa is doing a good phone call because she's getting to the point. She said that's because he pissed her off. She said she wasn't to the point and she knows what she did wrong. She said she just wanted to give a buzz because her husband has been listening to him for 30 years. She said she gets a kick out of him telling these stories to her. She said that all he does is listen to him. Howard asked if he's there now. Lisa said he's actually working and listening to Howard. She said that he doesn't know she's calling but he probably recognizes her by her voice.
Howard said his audience wants to be entertained so he's in a quandary all the time. He said he could have hung up on her.
Howard said he can see what the fans think about this situation. Howard took a call from a guy who said he's sure Lisa is a nice woman and all of that but there is something about her speech pattern that's grating. He said he's having a physical reaction to her. He said he can't stand it. He said he feels terrible saying that because he is an empathetic person. Lisa said it's probably her voice. The guy said that it's just grating. Lisa said the men are always around her and when she does try to get something in it goes around and around.
Howard took a call from a fake caller named Sabrina who sounded a lot like Lisa. It was one of the staffers doing an impression of her. Howard let them talk for a minute.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to be Lisa's husband and asked if they can hear what he has to deal with every day. He said he wants to jump out a window every day. Lisa said that wasn't her husband. She said her husband doesn't sound like that. She said that he doesn't want to jump out a window.
Howard asked what's happening in Lisa's house. She said her rescue dog is playing with a toy and she won't leave her alone. Howard asked the dog to squeak the ball twice if she wants to get out of the house. Lisa asked the dog to squeak it. She told Howard to have a good day. She said don't worry about small penises.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that this is the reason a lot of women don't have women friends. She said Lisa is annoying and a nag. She said that she is grating and this is why women don't want to be friends with other women. Howard thanked her for the call even though it wasn't very nice.
Howard took another call from Sabrina the fake caller who had pets making noise in her apartment too. Howard said this woman is amazingly like Lisa. Lisa said the other woman was saying she's annoying and should hang out with more men. Sabrina was making all kinds of pet noises while Lisa was talking.
Lisa said she doesn't care about chit chat. Howard asked Sabrina if she does. She said she's not into that either. It sounded like Sabrina had a pig in her apartment.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Lisa's voice is so sexy being all deep and grating. He said that her husband should be home taking care of her. He said he'll take care of Sabrina if she wants. Howard asked if Lisa's husband is taking care of her sexually. Lisa laughed and said he's not getting any from her. She said the poor man has carte blanche to do what he wants. She said she lost her mojo after going through menopause.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Lisa was going to ask the Party Bros what age group those guys were turning down the masks. He said he wanted to know. Howard said he sensed that the audience couldn't handle her anymore. Lisa said that she did want to ask them that. Howard said he saw the video and a lot of the angry people were older people. He said maybe in their 50s and 60s. He said it wasn't kids. He said it was really angry men.
Howard asked Lisa how old she is. She said she's over 50. Howard asked when she last had sex. She said probably over 300 days. She asked if he's going to ask her to go have sex. Howard asked if she ever masturbates. Lisa said she has no desire for that. Howard asked when she last had an orgasm. She said probably the last time she had sex with her husband. She said she's basically dead down there now. Robin asked if they have sex on birthdays and stuff. Lisa said no. Howard asked if her vagina is very dry. Lisa said it is. Howard asked if she has to open that thing up with a device. He said he's serious about that because older women have problems sometimes. He said they have to use a metal device to crank it open. Robin said she's never heard of that. Lisa said she hasn't either.
Howard asked if she had to use a gel or something to get it open when she had sex last. Lisa said no. She said she'd need a whole gallon of gel to get it in there. Howard asked how her husband was able to get it in there. Lisa said it was moist. Howard asked if he went down on her. Lisa said yes. She said he knows how to eat a good vagina. Howard said he sounds like a good guy and you'd think she'd do something for him. Lisa said she should probably do something for him but she won't go to the doctor.
Howard asked if Lisa has a moustache. Lisa said no. She said she has hair on her legs but not a moustache. She said she has a little hair on her lip. She said her husband loves her just he way she is.
Howard asked what Lisa weighs. She said she's 90 pounds and 4'11'' tall. Howard said if she has big boobs she'd fall right over.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's on team Lisa. He said he thinks she should be on all the time instead of Apples. He said Lisa the Nag is better than Sycophant Apples.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's on board with Lisa too. He said she could be another Wack Packer. Howard said he's intrigued with Lisa too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he called off his wedding after this. He said if this is what his life is going to be like he doesn't want it.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he was against her earlier but now she's one of the best callers. He said as soon as she called back and got annoyed with Howard it was great. He said at 4'11'' then she is up for being in the Wack Pack. Howard said he imagines that being that short is difficult. He said often they get ignored. Lisa said that's true. She said that Howard is never ignored. Howard said he'd love to stand next to her and get a picture. He asked if she's ever confused for a little person. Lisa said not at all.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that a woman's vagina can close. She said she had cervical cancer last year and they removed pretty much everything from her. She said she had to use a dialator so it won't close up. Robin said she had a medical issue though. Howard said he knew a woman who had to use one and she didn't have a medical procedure. Robin asked what the woman is doing. Howard said the damn thing wasn't working. The caller said it can shrink or close up completely. Howard said Lisa's vagina might be closing up. Robin said she has no sex drive. Howard said she needs the jaws of life down there.
Howard said he would suggest giving her husband some affection. Robin said how about a hand job. Lisa said maybe some oral too. She said that he's going through his changes as well. Howard said she should talk dirty to her husband and give him that stimulation. Lisa said sure. She said when you get older is sex as important? She said a lot of people over 50 don't have great sex lives.
Howard asked if she ever had sex with anyone else before her husband. Lisa said she has. Howard said he has to get out of there. Lisa said they need pills for the women like men have pills. She said they need a pink pill. She said that there are some pills out there but she's not sure what's in them. Howard tried to let Lisa go but she was going off on people not wearing masks so he let her rant for a short time. Fred played some patriotic music over her as she was on that rant.
Howard said Lisa is so popular that she overloaded the phone system. Lisa said it's probably people who want to fight about wearing masks. She said there are people going to party after party and then try to come up to her husband. She said she asks him not to come near her after that. Howard said she's right and hitting it on the head. Lisa said people don't want to listen.
Howard said he just got a call from Pandora who wants to give Lisa her own Podcast. He said she's said it all. He took a call from another Lisa who said she'll listen to this Lisa over King of All Blacks any day.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they should put Lisa the Nag in the Wack Pack. Howard said he's not into that name. He said maybe Dry Lisa. Howard said maybe Low Libido Lisa or Moist Lisa. Gary said how about Once a Year Moist Lisa. Howard said that's hard to say. He said he likes Dry Lisa. Lisa said her husband used to call her Spenderela. He said he changed it to that because she doesn't really spend a lot of money. Howard said he gets it, he said it's like calling a fat guy ''slim.'' Lisa said she doesn't like shopping and things like that. Howard asked if she ever wears anything sexy. Lisa said she does. She said her body was all muscle but then she got the virus and she lost so much weight that she feels like she lost all of her muscle.
Howard said he don't realize she had the virus. Robin said she did mention it a few times. Howard asked if she shaves down there. She said she does buzz it. Howard let her go and said ''Bye Dry Lisa.'' Lisa said she'll keep that name until her husband calls. Robin said he'll call her Dry Lisa too. Lisa said that will stick. She told everyone to wear masks.
Howard said you have to get into her flow when she talks. He said he had to hang up on her the first time. He said she was going on and on. He said then they slowed down and got into it with her. He said he can't imagine her husband came up with the name Spenderela because she doesn't spend. He said come on. He said he gets a kick out of guys like that who put the name into the phone like that. He said he knows guys like that who put their wives in their phone with a different name.
Howard said he would have bet a million bucks that she didn't shave her bush. Robin said a lot of women want to look good down there but don't want to have sex. Howard said Spenderela doesn't spend money. He said she's 90 pounds and 4'11''.
Howard said they can get to all of the other stuff he wanted to get to next week. He said the Bigfoot stuff is really good.
Howard thanked their sponsor Mugsy Jeans for sponsoring the show today. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:25am.