Howard said everything was set up yesterday and he went on and turned on his hot water heater and it blew out the entire system.
Howard said he came downstairs this morning and it was all set up. He said he has way more control over the show now. He said he has a lot more computers and equipment there. He said they fixed it all and it was a long process. He said his hot water heater shut it all down when he turned it on. Robin asked what kind of tea pot he has. Howard said he doesn't know.
Howard said this is going to take a while. He said Will's screen has to be compressed a bit. Robin said she's looking at the new blue lights and the signs and things there. Howard said they have two camera shots now too. He said there's no light in there to read though. He said he has to put in some tables and things but they're working on it. He said Thom and Charlie worked on it. He said the whole SiriusXM gang did a great job.
Howard said he had the guys come into the basement to do the work. He said they waited for the two weeks off. He said they worked a week and then they came in with UV lights and Lysol bombs. He said they wore masks and did the installation. He said hopefully he won't get COVID-19. He said they had quite an operation going on. He said this COVID-19 is no joke. He said it's getting worse. He said he read about a 30 year old guy who went to a COVID Party and got it and died.
Howard said there are a lot more cases since their last show. He said he knows people who are living in quarantine like they are and then there are people who are having parties and not socially distancing. Robin said the walls are caving in. She said people are losing their grip on isolation. She said they're not social distancing and not wearing masks.
Howard said he was talking to Will about what he did over vacation. He said he went to the beach and it was very crowded so he was upset. He said he asked why he would go to the beach. He said he can't come into work but he can go to the beach. He asked why he would do that. He said they're protecting him by letting him work at home but he goes to the beach. He said then he does something stupid like going to the beach. He said he might a well go to work. Robin said maybe he has antibodies.
Howard said he has a pal of his who had antibodies for this COVID-19. He said he was tested again recently and he has no antibodies. He said no one knows about this COVID-19. He said it's like he never had COVID-19. He said he can get reinfected. Will said he hasn't heard about anyone who has been infected twice.
Howard asked why he would go to the beach. Will said it was his wife's idea. He said we're all doomed. He said if you go to the beach you'll see. Howard said he sure threw her under the bus quickly. Robin asked how long they stayed there. well said it was too long.
Howard said he looks really red doesn't he? Robin said he is a little bit. Howard said he goes out in the back yard but he covers up. He said Beth yells at him about covering up.
Howard said they have a lot of things to work out there but he has more control over the show. He said he can play songs and sound effects. He said he has a camera to look into his basement. He said he has a good camera like Robin has. Robin said she has a laptop camera. Howard said it's so clear.
Howard asked Robin how her vacation was. Robin said it was good. She said she has a paddle board she uses so she can go out on the water away from people. Howard said Robin is so wacky. He said that he thinks about her talking to her cats and things like that. He said she's all alone over there. He said she could have died early on and no one would have known. Robin said she has people checking on her.
Howard said Robin did a virtual wine tasting with her buddies. He said he was kind of sad about that. Robin said she loves wine and loves her friends. She asked what the problem is. Howard said he was listening to that feed and Robin has friend who are into wine. He said this guy must have roped her into this thing. He said there were like 7 viewers and he was 3 of them. He said everyone wants to be a star doing these things. He said it's like Jada Pinkett Smith. He said speaking of Jada this guy who banged her is a fucking dickwad. He said he got to fuck Jada and she's hot. He said you get to fuck her and then you have to go out and talk about her on some radio show. He said that's going to fuck her kids up. Howard said she was nice enough to bang you and you have to go out and do that. He said he understands they did it multiple times and now she has to explain herself to her husband and family. He said the reason he did it is because he's not famous and this is how he's getting famous.
Howard asked what his reason was for doing it. Robin said she has no idea. She said she just saw the internet blow up over the story. Howard said he got pissed off about it.
Howard said he has fucked a few famous women but he doesn't go around telling you who they are. He said he'd like to but he won't. Robin asked what that would do to their lives. Howard said these poor women would have to deal with that. He said he'd feel bad for them. He said they'd talk about having PTSD.
Howard said he's not sure what this guy does but he's friends with Jada's son. He said that's not cool in his book. Robin said definitely not.
Howard said he saw that Robin was on this virtual wine tasting. He said those two guys really like to talk. He said he hardly got enough of Robin. He had some clips and talked about the wine company that had the wine tasting. He said it was Booker Wines. He said this guy Scott is like Robin's personal sommelier. Robin said they know about great wine and they go around tasting them. Howard said the video is up to 35 whole views now.
Howard said Robin was on the show talking about buying $800 bottles of wine on his dime. He said she can never admit she was wrong doing that. Robin said she has talked about being wrong.
Gary said that he was there that night and Robin thought that Howard should have known what the price was telepathically. Robin said she was wrong and she should have known better.
Howard said he has some clips to play but he's not sure if he should play them. Gary said he should. Howard had a clip of Robin talking about the $800 bottles of wine. Robin was talking about how she was supposed to pick the wine and she didn't know what she was doing. She talked about finding this certain kind of wine and she asked Howard if he wanted something from this place she had been to. She said she ordered one bottle after he said yes. She said it was just one but it was expensive. Robin said she was asked if they wanted another and she said no and he should ask Howard. She thought Howard would look at the price. One of the guys on the chat said that they know what Howard makes so they shouldn't worry about that price. Robin said Howard almost threw up when he saw the bill. She said he never said a word to her until the following Monday when they were at work.
Howard asked who this guy is who knows how to spend his money. He said he doesn't like that guy. He said it was $2400. Howard said he has things he'd like to spend his money on. He said he has noticed a few things. He said people who don't have that much money talk about how generous they'd be if they had money. Robin said that's doing nothing because you don't have the money.
Howard said he had someone ask him for a big ass loan and he said no. He said the guy thought money meant nothing to him. He said that his money meant everything to this guy.
Howard said he remembers the waiter presenting everyone with a label from the wine bottles. He said he knew it was big when he saw that.
Gary said he remembers seeing the bill that night. He said he saw the first digit was a 4 and he knew it was crazy.
Howard said in this next clip Robin talks about losing her voice. He said she went to so many parties that she would lose her voice. Howard played a clip of Robin talking about her voice and how important it is to her. She talked about going out to dinners and there would be 15 bottles on the table. She said they'd be drinking and drinking and she'd wake up on a Sunday morning without a voice. She said she'd get on the air and Howard would ask what was wrong. She said that she had gone to Napa and Howard asked if she was out drinking with ''those guys.''
Howard asked why Robin is blaming them for that. Robin said sometimes you don't know how much you're drinking. She said it happened a couple of times and it never happened again. She said she isn't like Fred and drinking so much she passed out. Gary said Fred only did that once. Howard said thank god for COVID-19. He said she isn't going out now.
Howard said in this clip Robin talked about asking out Paul McCartney. He played the clip and Robin talked about Paul coming on the show and she took her shot. She said she told him she's a vegan and he's a vegan... She said he said he never expected this. She said she figured she should just take her shot.
Howard said she would have been a great Mrs. McCartney. Robin said she wouldn't be there. She said she'd be out on the road with Paul. Howard said he asked Paul for an autograph and he was embarrassed. He said Robin asked him out.
Howard said Robin made a shocking statement about British people on this show. He played a clip of Robin talking about how the British don't usually age very well.
Howard said he heard Robin was tweeting a lot over vacation. Robin said her favorite one was about this story she read where this woman or her friend crapped somewhere. Howard said it was Johnny Depp. Robin said she said she thought she had a hard time saying goodbye. Howard said Johnny is divorcing Amber Heard and he claims that she shit in his bed as a joke. He said it was either her or her friend. He said there is nothing more disgusting than that. He said he knows he's such a weasel that if she did that he'd just clean it up and hope to fuck her again.
Howard said he always thought his life would be so simple of he looked like Johnny Depp. He said it turns out that girls are shitting in his bed. He said he's not having such an easy time.
Howard asked Gary what's going on. Gary said since late April he's been in severe pain with his knees. He said he didn't go to the doctor because of COVID. He said the short version is that he's having a knee replacement in August. He said he has something called an insufficient fracture in his knee. He said he's in so much fucking pain and the operation is 3 weeks away. He said he can't walk so he lays on the couch. He said that he's on an anti-depressant called Cymbalta. He said that he thinks it made him depressed. He said he slept almost the whole vacation.
Howard said he naps all day too. Gary said that his wife asked if that's their future. He said that he promised her that he'll be better once his knee is replaced. He said getting up and down stairs is tough. He said it takes him about a minute to get up and down. He said that he has to go one step at a time. He said he's just waiting for the operation.
Howard asked if he has to do the other knee. Gary said eventually he might. He said he can't really go anywhere because of this. Robin asked where there is to go.
Howard asked if it's true that the antidepressants make the sex drive go away. Gary said actually he has great orgasms. He said they're amazing.
Gary said his whole family is looking at him so sadly. He said it's really bad. Howard asked if he can do Peloton. Gary said no. He said he can't do anything and hasn't for six weeks. He said he did that about six weeks ago but he went out in the car and when he got out his knees buckled.
Robin asked who did his hair. Gary said his wife did. Robin said it looks like a Mohawk. Gary said that it's not.
Howard asked if the kids are at home now. Gary said everyone is there. He said both Lucas and Jackson are there. He said they have a rapid test for COVID-19 now and his son got tested and got the results in 20 minutes. He said they say that they can do the rapid tests all the time but they don't do it all the time.
Howard said Gary is trying to get an inflatable above ground pool. Gary said it's about the size of a hot tub. He said it's about 300 dollars. He said they just built a bunch of houses near them and they all have built in pools. He said his wife asked if he would feel embarrassed by that. Gary said not at all. He said for $300 it's not a bad pool. He said he doesn't give two shits about what people will feel about it.
Gary said he wouldn't be able to get a pool put in now anyway. He said Jason has an above ground pool and he can't get it put in because they can't find someone to do it. He said he thought he found one at a local Walmart but he went there and they said the web site isn't accurate and walked away.
Gary told Howard about how he had to go to seven steps to get approved for this surgery. He said one of them was going to the dentist. He said he feels pretty safe going to the doctor offices.
Gary said here are so many things you put off because of COVID. He said his dog was overdue for his rabies shot.
Howard said he feels bad for the kids. He said he was thinking about the Beatles and how they got started. He said they never would have happened during COVID-19. He said everything is just so fucked up. Robin said everything has stopped other than going to the beach and going out to eat.
Howard said he was reading a story about this great doctor who killed herself because she felt that she couldn't help people enough. He said this is another thing that's going to affect people. He said this woman was a great contributor to society and things are just so fucked up. Robin said this is why she gets upset with people who won't wear masks and go to COVID parties. She said the health care system is being over taxed and people are suffering. She said they're not equipped to take this. Howard said the doctor was Lorna Breen. He said she was kind of flipping out about everything.
Gary said seven weeks ago the governor of Florida was mocking New York. He said now they've got it really bad down there. Howard said he would hear stories about what was going on down there and he wondered why they weren't taking it seriously. He said they knew it was going to sweep like a wave down there. He said now they're completely overrun with it. He said there are still people running around without masks. Robin said they're banning indoor dining down there.
Howard said President Trump just retweeted Chuck Woolery who said that the media is lying about the dangers of COVID. Gary said the stuff Trump focuses on is crazy. He said Charlie Daniels died and he tweeted out about him. He said he won't tweet about all of the other people who have died from COVID-19.
Howard said Florida reported over 15,000 new cases of COVID-19 yesterday. Gary said we're back where we were in March. Howard said when you look at the numbers in Europe and Canada you see they were able to handle it. He said he's not sure what's going on in this country. He said we have to mask up and get rid of it. He said we have to at least flatten the curve.
JD said he is seriously bummed out about this. Howard said he knows the name Kelly Preston but he wasn't sure where from. He said he wasn't able to think of a movie. He asked if he was aware of her because of John Travolta. He said JD pointed out that she was in Twins with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito. He said that he doesn't know any movie that she's been in that has been big for her alone. JD said she was in Space Camp.
Howard said Travolta lost another wife to breast cancer a long time back. JD said Kelly's breasts were really amazing. Howard said it's too soon for that. He said you have to wait a while before you talk about that. Howard said her son died too. He said it's a lot of tragedy there. Robin said there is a lot of tragedy in John's life.
Howard said this COVID-19 is really fucked up. He said he doesn't see a way out of this. He said if there was a vaccine trial everyone on the staff said they wouldn't take it. Robin said one of the things about this is that people won't wear masks and they don't think that people will take the vaccine. She said that happened with the swine flu. She said that people wouldn't take it. She said they made everyone in the miltiary take it to prove it was safe. She said she had to take it. He said he'd offer up the Wack Pack for testing.
Gary said this was the talk of the office the whole vacation. He said Memet found another video where a guy is able to remove a bottle cap with his dick. He said that Memet was wondering how he isn't on America's Got Talent. JD said he was more impressed with what that guy was able to do with his ass.
Howard said he would show this to Robin but she's better off not ever seeing it. Robin said she doesn't want to see it. She said she never even saw that movie where they sewed the people face to ass. JD said that was Human Centipede.
Howard asked what's going on with Memet's hair. Gary said it's looking a little different. Howard said he has been changing it a lot. Memet said he really hasn't. Howard said he wants to get a hair cut but he can't bring himself to do it. He said Beth offered to cut it but he doesn't want her to. He said it's actually looking good four months into this thing.
Memet asked if Howard sleeps in a do rag or anything. Howard said no. He said that he just goes to bed. He said that his hair is all over the place though. Gary said Memet asked him and other people there about what they do about their long hair. Gary said he didn't have an answer but other people on the staff had all kinds of suggestions. Howard said Beth has to wear a pony tail. He said she doesn't like the hair on her neck. He said he thinks that she just lets it out actually. He said she has the ponytail during the day.
Howard asked what this Turbie Twist thing is. Gary said it's a thing that women use. Memet ran to get it. He said it's pink and it's something his girlfriend gave him to use. Memet demonstrated how he uses it. He said the hair gets all over his forehead and it gets in his mouth and shit. He said he finds it hard to believe that Howard doesn't wear something. Howard said he'd tell him if he did.
Howard and Fred gave Memet some advice on what to do. Memet said this is fucking him up. Howard said stick with the Turbie Twist. He said maybe get a different color. Memet said it is temporary.
Gary said Memet must have skin issues. He said that he had these things in the office that he used for his skin when he was on camera. Memet said that he has to use them since they don't use regular makeup.
Howard asked how the rat thing is there in his building. Memet said that they're all dead now. He said the smell was bad for a couple of weeks. He said the building has been emptying out. He said they're staying until at least January. Howard said just sit tight.
Robin asked how the roaches are. Memet said they're bad. He said they might be eating the rats. Gary said the city rats are going after people now. He said they attack people at the outdoor restaurants. Robin said they must have been a big food supply when grey were shut down.
Gary said he heard people are leaving the city in droves. He said he's been toying with the idea to get out of his house and downsize. He said people are getting crazy money for their places up there in the suburbs. He said that he's thinking about selling and then renting until the market crashes again and then he'll buy again.
Howard read that rats are eating each other now. Robin said then they'll get super rats. Memet said that the city has a new policy about homeless being able to do whatever they want. He said they're building full on cities in Manhattan. Howard said he has a good buddy in Manhattan and across the street from him they have a homeless center and there are like 300 people drinking and doing drugs on the street.
Howard asked Beth to come over and try out her mic. He told her they were just bullshitting. Beth got on and asked how it feels. She said grey tried them out last night. Howard said Beth wasn't there last night when the guys asked him to try it out because she was fixing the Air Conditioning. Beth said she's the man of the house. Howard said she was on her knees up in the attic. He said she figured it out.
Robin said Beth's outfit is cute. She said the kittens are more and more adorable every day. She said Beth is so beautiful too. She said it's amazing to see her Instagram account.
Howard said Beth has been working out. He said look at her arms. Beth said she's doing the Hydrow. She said she odes it every other day. Howard said he told her to do that. Beth said she wants to be an instructor. Howard said she's a maniac. Beth said she knows what she'd say to everyone. Howard said he does it for like 10 minutes and she's worn out. He said they have her up to 36 and that's high. He said she says it's not fast enough for her. Howard said she needs some special class or something.
Beth said that she has to go upstairs. She said she feels like Yoda is brewing. Howard said he had diarrhea the other day. He said that people write to them complaining when grey have a pet that is having issues. He said when you get a pet it's going to have issues.
Beth told a story about a family that wanted to give up their cat because their new puppy was making it pee on the dog's bed. She said they took the cat in and it was completely fine. Howard said he hates people like that. He said if you get a pet you have to keep it for life. He said these people were ready to kill the cat because it was scared of their new dog.
Beth said Yoda ate something the other night and he had really bad diarrhea that smelled up the whole upstairs.
Gary said Memet has a question for Beth. Memet asked if Howard really doesn't sleep in a do rag or something. Beth said not at all. Memet told her that his hair is causing his forehead to get bumpy and stuff. Memet showed her what he wears. She asked why. Memet said he finds it hard to believe that Howard doesn't wear anything.
Howard said he and Beth made beautiful love over vacation. Howard said he always asks her if she's sick of him yet. He said he won't climb on top of her if she is. He said then they make love.
Howard said they have to hear what they did. He said there's not much to do there during quarantine. He said he's painting and Beth is cleaning. He said he rewards her with his love making. He said he's reading the news in the morning and he sees that Kissing Booth 2 is coming out on Netflix. JD said ''Oh my god.'' Howard and Beth said they saw part 1. He said they were talking about how they have to watch it. He said Beth wanted to go back and watch the first one. He said that he told her that they cant admit to anyone that they watch this. He said they didn't remember anything about the first one. He said he loves it. He said Beth loved it too. He said thank god she loves it like he does.
Howard said they also watched the movie 365 Days. Gary said it's like porn. Howard said there are people protesting this movie now. He said they're so angry about it. He said it's the most sexist thing. He said it's about this guy in the Mafia who kidnaps the girl and wants to keep her for a year and see if she'll fall in love with him. He said sure enough... He said he doesn't want to ruin it for anyone. He said the movie is horrible but Beth didn't blink during it.
Gary said he has one issue with Kissing Booth. He said Joey King plays 15 and looks 15 but the guy looks like he's 30. He said he looks like he graduated a decade ago.
Howard said he loves that Joey King. He said he can watch anything she's in. Beth said that guy is good too. Beth said she saw that guy was on a show with Zendaya and now he's dating her. Howard said she's hot for him. He said she should be hot for someone like Joey Ramone.
Howard said he should take a break. He said he has to pee. Beth brought him some cherries. Howard said he has chores to do. He said he has to Roomba his bathroom. He said he has the mopping Roomba so he has to put the pad on it and put the liquid in here.
Robin asked where they ever went. Beth said nowhere. Howard said she's so dramatic. Beth said she loves her. Howard said she loves Beth too. Howard did his impression of his mother talking about how great Beth is.
Howard and Beth talked more about Kissing Booth. JD said the guy in the movie is good looking. He said his name is Jacob Elordi.
Robin asked Beth if she built that stuff in the basement. Beth said she didn't do it all. She said she just set up the hot water station. Howard said that's what threw the equipment off this morning. Beth said she knows because he came up asking if the power was out. Howard said he has to take a break.
Beth said Howard told her about Gary's knee yesterday. Gary said it has to be done. Beth said you just have to get through it. Howard said he should go pee. Beth told him to take one call.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Beth says ''Hey now!'' and enjoys it like he does. Howard said she doesn't say it at all. Beth said she says ''Hey lovey.'' Howard said she doesn't do hey now.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked if he can hear him good. Howard said he can. King said he was going to call about Jada Pinkett Smith. He said he wanted to ask why Beth said ''My kitchen'' when she was talking about the cat earlier. Howard asked if they can go back to that first question about Hey Now.
Howard thanked King for the call. King said wait. He said he wanted to talk about Jada. He said that he can't believe that Howard stuck up for her. Howard said it's not about her stepping out. He said the guy who banged her is the one who was wrong. He said that he's going around and busting her and fucking up her marriage and her kids.
King said that guy is a huge R&B star. Howard asked why he would do it then. He asked if he has an album out. King said he might. Howard said he sold her out for an album.
King said Will Smith looks dumb and stupid. He said everyone is clowning him now. He said he looks like a jerk for letting this woman explain why she fucks someone else. Howard said he's not sure why grey put that on Facebook. He said that was peculiar to him. Robin said they do that every week.
Beth said she's getting light headed standing there. Howard asked if she's okay. He said he has to go see if she's okay. He said King made her ill. He said he'll come back. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he listened to a lot of SiriusXM over vacation. He said he loves their service. He said he's into the deep tracks now. He said he was listening to Earle Bailey on there. He talked about how great Tom Morello is on Lithium. He said he was listening to that and figured he should switch it up a bit. He said he went to Deep Tracks and that's like progressive rock. He said he remembers listening to Earle Bailey when he was a kid. He said he wished he could be as good as that guy when he was a kid.
Howard said he had an image of Earle Bailey and what he looked like. He said you should never see what they look like. He said he thought he was a surfer dude but he's really just a regular guy. He said he was listening to him on the Deep Tracks and he was like Wow. He said Meg Griffin was on there too. He said he wrote her a long note after that. He said he worked with her at WRNW, the first station he worked at. He said she went from there to WNEW. He said that she made it big. He said she was getting paid really well to be a DJ there. He said she didn't care about getting paid though and she left.
Howard talked about working at WRNW and how Meg was on and she was so professional sounding. He said that he didn't think he was good enough to work there. He said he didn't know how he could be on the same station. He figured he had the wrong station. He said he got there and she sees that she's super hot too. He said he figured that she'd fall in love with him but she didn't even notice him. He said if he was good on radio maybe he could have scored.
Howard said he wrote Meg this note and told her she still sounds great. He said her delivery is still so great too. He said that he could never be that good of an announcer. He said he had to write her a note because he hadn't been in touch with her for such a long time.
Howard said Beth is fine by the way. He said she got dizzy standing up so long. He said he has to get a chair back in there for her. He said he's going to get some knick knacks to put in there. He said he'll get some stuff out of the archives to put in there. He told Jason to get something for him. He said he needs some of the junk in here.
Robin said she was just reading about this guy in Jersey who died and he had this huge cache of baseball stuff that his family didn't even know about. Robin said that's what Howard's archive should be.
Jason said they have a ton of junk to put there in his basement. He said he was turned on to that show Hoarders after going through all of this stuff. He said it's something else. Howard said he is a hoarder but they have it all in a warehouse. Howard said they should get the Real Doll and put her in there. Gary said he thinks Benjy took it. Jason said he thought it was in two parts. Howard said so many guys fucked her that she probably has STDs.
Howard asked if they saw that a woman on Hoarders was keeping her piss and shit in jugs. Jason said it was piss in jugs and shit on the floor. Howard asked what her reasoning was for that. Jason told Howard about what he saw on the show.
Jason said Richard asked them if they ever eat anything out of the garbage. He said the guys were saying they might grab something a second after throwing it out if it's accidental. He said Richard got something out of the trash like a day later. Richard said it was like an hour later. He said he went and got this sandwich out of the trash later in the day. He said that it was covered by some other trash but it was kind of covered. He said there was no diaper on top of it or anything like that.
Gary said Richard once jizzed between two pieces of glass and gave it to Howard as a gift. Richard said that's back in his office at the studio. Howard said he's such a weirdo. Richard said the band Metallica inspired him to do that with their album cover for Load.
Howard said he heard that Richard ate 25 hot dogs over the weekend of the fourth of July. Richard said he did. He said he ordered a bunch of Nathan's hot dogs. He said it was over the three day weekend he ate all of them. He said they were Nathan's but there's a local place he loves to get them from too.
Fred did his Richard impression talking about the strange foods he eats. Howard said his skin is like a pink hot dog. Robin said he's not blotchy at all. Richard said he tried to get a nice light but it just highlights his greasy skin.
Howard said Mariann is at war with Michael Rapaport. Mariann said he wont stop picking on her.
Howard said they got a lot of feedback about Jon Stewart. He said that Sal got a lot of feedback too. He said that he was crying over that young kid who called in about how much he loves Sal. Jason said that was so weird. Richard said it's emotional when they get nice comments like that. He said they get shit on a lot. Howard said they don't get shit on. He said everyone is proud of them when they make a good phony phone call. He said Sal had such a bad upbringing with his dad so he's very needy when it comes to emotions. He said that this kid called in and Sal had a breakdown on the air. Jason said he didn't know he was so broken inside. Sal said he's not broken.
Howard had a clip of Sal crying over this 13 year old Sammy who called in. Sal was crying over how nice it was to get something positive from this kid. Howard laughed. Robin said he could probably cry again. Howard played another clip of Sal giving Sammy some advice. Howard said Sal reminds him of Donald Trump. He said he's so affected by Charlie Daniels dying because Charlie liked him.
Howard read some positive fan feedback about Sal and Sammy. He had some people who were telling Sal to go fuck himself about that too. Someone told Sammy to choose better heroes.
Richard said Sal usually has his Zoom camera full of vape smoke. Sal demonstrated it for Howard. Howard asked if he can't get off of that. Sal said he can't. He said he's been vaping even more lately with this COVID thing going on. Howard said his lungs are going to be compromised from the vape. He asked when he breaks down and starts doing it. Sal said he lasts about a half hour. Howard said he's one of those individuals who doesn't have a brain that tells you to do something different. He said he has no inner dialog. Sal said that's right. Howard said he's like a baby who takes a nipple in its mouth. Sal said he would say so.
Sal said he knows he has to quit but he can't do it. He said he needs something. He said he tells his brain to shut up. Howard said he does have a brain that talks to him then. Sal said it talks too much actually. Howard asked why he said it doesn't talk to him and now he says it does talk to him. Sal said it does talk but he tells it to shut up. Howard asked what it tells him. Sal said it tells him a lot of things. Jason said they have notes about him saying that he's talking to rabbits and butterflies. Jason said he's also praying for everyone on the show. Sal said he's not that religious but he does pray. He said he stares at a tree when he prays. Howard asked if it's any tree. Sal said it's just a tree in front of him. He said it's in his back yard.
Howard said he heard about this and he thought how funny it would be if a branch fell off and killed him. Sal said he's praying for people who have lost loved ones to COVID and things like that.
Jason said Sal was wondering what the purpose of butterflies it. Howard asked what his thoughts are on that. Sal said he's still pondering that. He said he wonders why there's so much bad in this world but there's so much good too. Richard said he's imagining the butterfly flying through his vape smoke.
Howard asked Sal why butterflies are beautiful but cockroaches aren't. Jason said Sal has said he won't kill any insects anymore. Sal said that's right. He said every insect deserves to live. He said he will kill a mosquito but only because they're evil. Howard asked if he's vegan. Sal said he's not yet. He said that he's taking baby steps.
Jason said Sal has a new turtle as a pet. Sal said they feed the birds in the back yard too. He said his wife got upset that they shit all over the place back there. Howard asked Sal about the spirit world and how his life is affected by that. Sal said that they can affect your thoughts. Robin asked what they're having him do. Sal said that's a good question. He said if you have a dilemma then you can get guidance from your spirit guides. Howard asked if this is the stuff his brain talks to him about. Sal said that it's spirits entering his mind. He said you think it's your mind but it's not. Howard said Sal believes the voices in his head might not be his own. Sal said if you ask for it then yes. Howard asked if there are voices in his head other than his own. Sal said not really. Sal said they're thoughts. Robin said they're so weird that he thinks they're not his own.
Howard asked if Sal has thoughts that he thinks are not his own. Sal said that he might. Robin said Howard should be reaching out. Howard said Sal is not actually meditating. He said he's changing it up to be something it's not. Sal said he does meditate.
Howard asked if Sal would let him hear what these spirits are saying to him right now. Sal said they're not really telling him anything. He said that they say everything is good.
Howard asked if Sal told someone that everyone who has died is behind a wall and protecting us. Sal said he did. He said heaven is right here and it's just another dimension. He said they're all right there with us.
Jason asked Sal to explain his vibration theory. Sal said you get a vibe and that's from someone's vibrations and that's someone's soul. He said it could be a negative vibration like from Harvey Weinstein. Howard asked why spirits are entering his head and not others. Sal said that's because he chooses to do that. He said everyone can do it.
Howard said the big take away from this is that Sal is hearing voices in his head. He took a call from a spirit guide of Sal's. He had one of the guys playing Wendy the Slow Adult clips. Howard asked her a few questions and
Robin asked what this has brought to Sal. Sal said inner peace. He said to sum it up you just have to be good to people. He said he knows there's a lot of decisiveness going on but just do what makes you happy. Richard said his job is to fuck with people. Sal said you have to find levity in this life.
Gary asked if he dies will he have to watch his wife having sex with someone from behind a wall. Sal said it's not like that. Howard asked Sal if he thinks the spirits would be talking to him instead of Sal because he's more important than him. Robin asked if anyone has asked him to get in touch with Howard. Sal said they have asked for autographs.
Jason said Sal says he has a picture of one of these spirit guides. Sal said this orb was flying around him. Jason said he claims he can tell it was his grandfather. Sal said that he zoomed in on it and it looked like his grandfather. Jason said Sal said his mom had an out of body experiences too. Howard said it's enough of this for now.
Howard said his problem with the staff is that they're all scared of COVID but then he hears Will went to the beach. He said he can't come into work but then he goes to the beach. Will said you're allowed outside. Howard said he was on a crowded beach talking to people. Will said he had a mask on. Robin said the mask protects others from you and not the other way around.
Will said he's not going to stay inside for 2 years. He said that he wanted to go out on the beach. Howard said he was right on top of other people. Will said he didn't know that until he got there. He said it was a long drive there.
Sal said he has a doctor friend who says that people are getting reinfected. He said he also says that people are coming from Florida and claiming grey don't have COVID and they fly on a plane. Robin said that Will is acting like there are no cases from people being around others. She said they are spreading COVID. Jason said Will also says that he is still not right from when he had COVID.
Howard took a call from Sal's orb. The orb said that he was just a reflection of a bulb on his camera. He also told Sal that he's going to get cancer from vaping so he should quit.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that everyone is mental on the show but Sal might be the most damaged. He asked if Howard agrees. Howard said Sal had a horrible upbringing. He said he still finds out he has new siblings. He said his father humiliated him. Sal said the cops came to the pizzeria and his father beat the shit out of him in front of the cops. He said they were there because he was prank calling someone and they complained. He said the cops said they were going to tell the woman that it was resolved.
Howard said Ronnie is pretty mental too. He said he's ready to burst. Ralph said they all are now.
Jason said he's been on antidepressants since 2003. He said he's pretty messed up on the inside too.
Howard said Ronnie is off the chart. Ralph said that Sal is the worst. Ronnie got on and said Jason is really out of it. He said just look in his eyes. He said his eyes are like two piece of glass. Sal said that Jason smokes a ton of weed too. He said he doesn't use anything. Howard said he doesn't have a good answer for Ralph. He said they all have their own problems.
Gary asked who is the most well adjusted person on the staff. Howard said he thinks it's Gary. Robin said she odes too. Howard said he always says that. He said he thinks that his father told him how fucked up his mother was and that was a good thing. He said he sat him down at an early age and told him what he was dealing with. Gary said he told him that she was sick in her head and it's not his fault. Howard said that's pretty messed up to hear. He said in her case that's true.
Howard said Gary is very loving and considerate of other people. Ralph said he has eating issues though. He said he's not that well adjusted. Howard said Ralph is pretty messed up too. Ralph said he knows that. He said that he was just saying that Gary has issues too. Howard said he's in pretty good shape.
Howard said Will is pretty fucked up. He said he has such anger issues. He said he has done some whacked out shit. Richard said he's been to baseball games with him. Jason said they went to a game once and had to break up a fight before they even entered the stadium.
Richard said Will almost got into a fight with a third baseman at a Mets and Phillies game. Howard asked if he ever went to the Eagles jail. Will said he never did.
Jason told some stories about Will getting into fights when they were roommates. Will said those are stories from 20 years ago.
JD said that Will jumped on a woman's back at a game once. Will said she wore a Vikings jersey to a Eagles game and deserved it. Jason said that Will would get drunk and bark in women's ears. Will said that was 20 years ago.
Howard said he heard from Chris Wilding that Will gets really friendly when he gets drunk. Chris got on and said that Will is intimidating too. Howard asked if he came on to him. Chris said in the first team building they were out at a Mexican restaurant and they were making Guacamole and he spilled beer on him and he told him to take his pants off. He said he thinks Will is super hot so he was like ''Don't threaten me with a good time.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves all of these guys. He said he has to understand what he sees in Ralph. He said he brings nothing to the show. He said he just picks on people and offers nothing to the show. Howard said he can't argue with that. Ralph asked why he picks up his calls then. Howard said he likes Ralph. Ralph told the caller to fuck off. He said he could give a shit what he thinks. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said he can get to Mariann and Michael Rapaport now. He read some feedback about their battles. There were people taking sides in that battle.
Howard had Mariann back on the phone and she was wondering why he has so much hate for her. Howard said Michael was a guest on the Wrap Up Show and their feud continued when Mariann called into the show. Howard played a clip of Mariann screaming at Michael on the Wrap Up Show. She was screaming at Michael and not letting anyone get a word in.
Robin wondered why he's bothering with her. Mariann said he just wants air time. Howard said both of them accused each other of being a bully. Howard played another clip where Michael called Mariann a bully and Mariann called him a bully.
Howard asked Mariann where they're at. Mariann said he's trying to do an unfollow Mariann. She said he has no career right now so he's picking on her. She said Jon Hein is able to keep her very calm somehow. She said she's going to bury that mother... Howard hung up.
Howard said that's a full update on what's going on. He said when you're off for two weeks they have a lot to catch up on.
Howard said the video of the guy shitting out his own balls out of his ass, don't watch it. Robin said she won't. Richard said he had to watch it. Robin said she's sure that Richard will be trying that himself soon.
Howard said he's reading this name like it's Jizzlain. He said everyone is pronouncing it ''Geelain'' because they don't want to say jizz.
Howard read about how they took away her clothes and bed sheets and forced her to wear paper clothing. He said they don't want another fiasco like with Epstein. He said they're so afraid she's going to get in trouble in jail that they move her to a different jail cell every night. He said he's not sure why they have to do that every night. Richard said they should have a camera on her. Gary said they had one on Epstein. Howard said no one knows what happened to that guy.
Howard said with this Ghislaine they have to put her in a cage. He said he's not sure who is getting into her cell. Jason said he's not a conspiracy person but how did Epstein die. He said he was the most protected person in the world and somehow the cameras got turned off and he died.
Howard said it all sounds crazy to him. Richard said he's afraid that we'll go to war with England if we try to get that prince from over there. Howard said the news goes by so quick that you don't know what will happen in 2 days. Robin said they had a picture of Ghislaine that they cut Trump out of on FOX News and they had to apologize for cutting him out of it.
Howard took a call from Fake Alex Jones who had some things to say about this case. Fake Alex said that Trump is taking them all down to stop the pedophile groups. He said Trump went to one Epstein party and didn't go again because he saw what was going on. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Alex about all of the conspiracy stuff. Howard let him get in his Infowars.com web site plugs and a song parody that he had put together over vacation. Alex did a live commercial read for his wellness supplements too.
Howard let Alex go and talked about how they have to keep this Ghislaine safe in prison. He said they had to lock up Magneto in the X-Men. He said that he was able to bend metal. Jason said his jail cell was all plastic. He said it was suspended in mid air with nothing around it. Howard said that's what they need for Ghislaine.
Jason said that Shuli has a lot of theories about her. Howard got Shuli on and had him talk about what he's heard. Shuli said that she was involve with the Mossad and they might be after her. He said the charges they have against her are kind of strange too. Jason told Howard what he heard Shuli was talking about and had him give details on that. Jason, Shuli and Gary were all in on that conversation.
Howard said this is a shitty theory. Shuli said some of it came from Seany. He said he sends him a lot of this stuff.
Howard said with that big beard he looks like Fidel Castro or Woody Allen in that movie where he had a big beard. Shuli said he thought about going to the barber but he can't do it.
Howard said Shuli has no hair so why go to a barber to cut that off. Shuli said he doesn't want to mess it up.
Howard said he saw that he turned 65 and he was shocked. He asked Fred how his health is. Fred said he's doing okay. He said he has knee problems too but he passed on getting an ACL from a cadaver. He said that was just too much for him. Robin said Fred is very stoic.
Howard asked if Fred had a good birthday. Fred said he did and they had some tuna and key lime pie. Howard said that sounds nice.
Howard played a song about Fred's birthday. He said that was a nice tribute to him. Fred said it was quite moving. Howard said he sees he's in tears just like Sal. Howard said he has to get some young people on the show. He said everyone is getting old.
Howard said he did call Fred and left him a voicemail. Fred said he has shitty cell service. He said he reluctantly calls people back because he might lose the connection. He said he walks up a hill to get better reception. He said that Gary will tell you that he can't hear him.
Gary said they had to call each other 5 times the other day. Fred said he's out on Long Island and he's not sure what's going on out there. He said people might be sucking up the cell service out there.
Howard got in a plug for Gardein for sponsoring the show today. Howard and Robin spent a short time talking about how good their food is.
Robin said she read that Steve Harvey dropped the F-bomb on Celebrity Family Feud. She said that this football player had penis as an answer and Steve said ''What the fuck did you just say?'' Robin said that the Redskins are going to change their name too. Howard said good.
Howard said he thought he was going to talk about dating Scarlet Johansson and he didn't. He said he's glad he didn't because if they break up the book would be dated. He said the book is about how he got to be a comedy writer. He said he's had over 500 sketches on the show and he writes Weekend Update. He said he's very good. He said he's talking to him on Wednesday so he doesn't want to spoil the story but he has one about shitting his pants. He said he has never laughed out loud that much reading a book.
Howard said the other book he read was Jim Carrey's book. He said that's amazing too. He said Jim's book (Memoirs and Misinformation: A novel) is about Jim's life but it's about a character named Jim Carrey. He said some of it is probably true and some might not be.
Howard said he did a lot of listening to Sirius over the vacation. He said the two weeks went by really quick. Howard asked if Robin has anyone in the house. Robin said no. She said she talks to the neighbors over the lake. She said she is happy being alone in the house. He asked if she talks to anyone on the phone. Robin said she's on Zoom a lot. She said she has to take days off from that. She said she is able to ride her bike and she's padding around the bay. She said that a friend told her about going out to eat and how miserable it was going to a restaurant. Howard said he won't go to one. He said he's too freaked out by everything.
Howard said a lot of people have COVID and have no problem and then people have a lot of problems. He said he read or heard a story about someone who falls down because the COVID affected his brain. Robin said she saw a report about how many organs can be affected by COVID. She said it can cause all kinds of problems. Howard said he's too freaked out by it.
Howard said then you read about the people who are dying and they're not all old. Robin said that one 40 year old guy from Broadway had all kinds of problems. Howard said there's a guy who can't smell or taste 4 months after having it. He said these idiots saying it's a hoax is ridiculous.
Robin said the President did wear a mask finally. Howard said he's so upset that Europe has it under control and we don't.
Howard said he read a story about the song Badge by Cream. He said it was on something called Showbiz Cheat Sheet. He played the song and said Eric Clapton had to come up with a song for the band and he wasn't' able to do it. He said he went to George Harrison and asked him to help write a song. He said they wrote it together and the reason it's called Badge is because George scribbled ''Bridge'' on the paper and Eric thought it said Badge.
Howard said because George was with another record company he wasn't able to use his real name for the writing credit. He said it's under a fake name. He said he also read that Ringo came into the room drunk and said something about ''the swans that they live in the park'' and they threw that into the song. He said George said that was just some dumb line that Ringo said and they threw it into the song. Robin said the name was Langelo Mysterioso that George used.
Howard said they're going to end the show and then come back tomorrow and the next day. He said they have 50 shows left after that. They ended the show around 10:25am.
Howard started the show talking about how he's still getting used to his new setup. He said he's going to change a few things. Howard said he's waiting for Jim Carrey to come on. He talked about a bunch of the shows and movies he's been in. He said he'll be with them in a couple of minutes to promote his new book. He said he read it and it's really good. He said he enjoyed the process of reading the book.
Howard said Jim is enough of a creative mind that it forced him to read a book. Robin said he's incredibly inventive. Howard said the book is very inventive and it's called ''Memoirs and Misinformation: A novel.''
Howard said Jim was in Dumb and Dumber and he played The Riddler. Robin said he played Andy Kaufman too.
Gary told Howard that Jim is ready. Howard got to him and said look at him. Jim was talking about how Demi Moore got some crap yesterday because she has a couch and fireplace in her bathroom. Howard said he saw that. He said he never shows the inside of his house. Jim said this is all he shows. Howard said it's beautiful. Jim said it's salvaged wood from an ancient boat. He said he turned it into a Murphy Bed. Howard said that he's hyper aware of things. He said that's what his book is. He said the message he got from his book is that the worst thing to happen is to become laughable. Jim said you have to be humble. He said that his parents gave him the middle name of Eugene to keep him humble. Howard said that is worse than Howard.
Howard said what Demi got into trouble over was her brown carpet. He said people got on her about that. He said they thought it was dirty from the shower water or something. Howard said he would be an asshole if he started tweeting pictures of his house. He said people would get on him too. Jim said you have to. He said everyone is becoming humanized.
Howard said Jim shares all of his art work. He said in his book they get a glimpse of his life. He said he's not sure who the real Jim Carrey is. He said the book Jim buys Charlie Chaplain's cane for a ridiculous amount of money. He asked if the really Jim did that. Jim said he can show him. He got up and got the cane. He said this is actually the cane. Howard said it's much thinner than he thought it would be. Jim said he made the world with that.
Howard asked how he got it. Jim said it was a phone bid. He said he was in the booth upstairs bidding on it. He said all he knows is that he got it. He said you can see the hand marks on it. He said he does value this a great deal but he's not really a collector. He said he also has one of the cameras they used to shoot The Gold Rush. He said as things go that's pretty cool.
Howard said he owns the cane but he makes fun of Nicolas Cage because he's buying swords and things. He said he's goofing on people for buying memorabilia but he buys it too. Jim said that no one can compare to Nicolas. Howard asked if he's friends with him. Jim said for many years he has been. He said he goes with his impulses and just gets it.
Howard said Nic Cage seems to be out of his mind. Jim said he knows what he's doing. He said he's not out of his mind. He said he just wants to grab a hold of everything that he sees is cool. He said he really is the art. He said he becomes the art. He said they inspire each other. He said they have an award called the Obie Dobie award. He said they compete for this thing that they made up and it's gone back and forth a few times. He said he may have won with this new book.
Howard said this sounds like a great relationship with him and Nicolas Cage. He said he was exhausted from reading about it. He said Nicolas put on that ridiculous voice in When Peggy Sue Got Married. He said it could have ruined the movie. Jim said if he hadn't done that then maybe he wouldn't have knocked his tooth out for Dumb and Dumber. He said Nic came in with that thing and Coppola said that real life is stranger than fiction. He said if an actor makes a choice like that then you think he's taking too many chances. He said sometimes it works.
Howard said being on a movie set he knows what he's talking about. Jim said Howard was great by the way. Howard thanked him for that. He said he would do bits and pratfalls and his director would tell him he wasn't good at physical comedy. He said that he gets that the about Charlie Chaplain's cane. He said the way he can manipulate his face and do things like that could have backfired on him. He said it could have buried him but he took chances. Jim said they took chances every day. He said they would howl with laughter watching the dailies. He said if it didn't work it was going to be the end of him. He said that's where he loves to be. He said the book is going to work or it's going to be the end. Howard said it worked for him. He said he read it and he was really laughing. He said at the end where they're fighting aliens and stuff it was great.
Howard said Jim talks about doing motion capture and in that way he's able to talk to Rodney Dangerfield. Jim said that he was. He said he has seen himself as a woman on the internet. He said that motion capture is really interesting.
Howard said he has learned more about him in this book than in any interview. Jim said that you're able to explore things bigger than yourself. Howard said he realized that Rodney Dangerfield to him is a father figure. He said if his real father was able to succeed in show business he would have been like Rodney. Jim said his father and Rodney got along very well. He said his father got to feel the love from Rodney.
Howard said he considers this book to be his dream. He said he talks about being in Rodney's embrace one more time. He said that he really took him under his wing and supported him. Jim said he was great. He said he would hang out in the wings with his balls hanging out of his robe. He said he'd tell him that they were looking at him like he was from another planet.
Howard said Jim talked to Rodney in the hospital when he was dying. He said he said something to him about telling the world. Jim said he told him he was going to tell the world he was gay. He said Rodney was staring off into space and his mouth started shaking like he wanted to say something to him and he saw there was joy and recognition there. He said that the crash team came in and said he hadn't shown any signs like that in a long time. Jim said he was able to bring him back in this book.
Howard said it must be mind blowing to have this relationship with Rodney and see him laying here in the hospital. He said it must have been tough to see that. He said he knew he was so quick and able to do all of that material from that brain. He said you want to be able to download that from his brain. He said he writes about that in the book. Jim said that it's considered a negative but you do want to be able to do that.
Howard said one of the things in Jim's book is that they can almost download that stuff to the internet. He said that Jim talks about if he should let them make movies with his image after he's dead. He said what's great about it is that Jim says yes he will sell out. Jim said if you could have a simulation that's close to someone you love then maybe you'd want to sit with it once in a while. He said that he had a robot concierge at a hotel once. He said it was wild. He said it had a graphic smile and said hello in a computer voice. He said you were able to take things out of its head. He said it was a character in his life.
Howard said during this quarantine he has a Roomba he talks to. Jim said he pictures him riding that thing like a cat. Howard said he loves it.
Howard said Jim writes about being 2 years old and his mother would give him cauliflower and he'd make faces about how disgusting it was. Jim said when he was an infant he's told he would go into facial contortions to get out of eating. He said they tried not to laugh at him but they would. He said he had some plan as an infant to get out of eating. Howard said it's weird that he was doing that so early. He said he was cracking people up at such an early age. Jim said it's a nutty story. He said it's hard to believe.
Howard said he sees him as a guy who is so hard working and that he wanted to make everyone happy and he had such drive to succeed and that was like he willed it to happen. Jim said absolutely. He said he dreamt it up before it happened. He said the book is part of that. Jim said he and Dana were grinding in a room for years writing this book. He said they were bashing heads together about it but it came up with this incredible stuff.
Howard said he thought about how great the book was as he was reading it. He said he thought it was brilliant. He said he was angry that he didn't write it. He said the book is great.
Howard asked Jim more about Rodney. Jim said they became good friends and he had gotten such great gifts from this thing. He said it's hard to believe that they were able to accomplish this book.
Howard asked Jim about the impressions he does and if he did one of The Amazing Kreskin. Jim said he did. He did the impression for Howard and described how he did it. He said he would shake hands really hard like Kreskin did. He said it used to crack people up. He said that Rodney made fun of him for doing that because he wasn't that well known in the states. Howard said grey used to have him on the show and he would shake his hand so hard. Jim said it was very aggressive. Howard said he had to stop having him on the show because it was so hard.
Howard said he was reading the book and a lot of it is about his relationships with women. He said he has this woman named Georgie in the book and he thinks he knows who that is. Jim said he probably doesn't. Howard said he thinks he does. Jim said probably not. He said that Georgie is representative of a star's power. Howard said he looks at this like his nightmare or dream. He said he thinks he loves Hollywood and being successful but he thinks he looks at the world with a lot of disdain. He said Georgie is using him. He said she's after him because of who he is and because he has money. Jim said he invited it in. Howard said it's a mutual use. He said he's using her for her youth and beauty and she's using him. He said she has disdain for him too. Jim said she does turn on him. Jim said he was going to do a hatchet job on her because he knows that you never know who will become a success in this town.
Howard said he's guessing who this woman is but because she's hanging out with him she gets a meeting with Quentin Tarantino for his next movie. He said she goes out and gets Botox and her face has no wrinkles. Howard said she gets the smack in the head when she ruins her moment with Tarantino. Jim said she was talked into it by the doctor.
Howard said Jim writes about this woman who is a Marilyn Monroe impersonator and he has a threesome with her. He said that he learns that she thinks she's in love with him and he dumps her. Jim said that a fuck is never as simple as a fuck. He said that the Jim Carrey in the book is the people's perception of him. He said he's doing it in a wildly exaggerated way. He said it's super fun he hopes. Howard said it's great.
Jim said that he lives down the street from the Marilyn Monroe person. He said that this book is largely about this and he knows that it's the perception of relevance. He said you can get frozen in time. He said that he has changed over the years and he knows that Howard has done that too. He said he's not doing Butt Bongo anymore.
Howard said Jim has reinvented himself. He asked if it's really that horrible. He asked if he thinks about his next movie and things like that. Jim said he has his desires to do things that are special. He said that's why he's where he is now. He said he may disappear for a while. He said he does these things that are his pleasure. He said it's a new branch for him. Howard said it's great.
Howard said he says in the book that the great love of his life was Renee Zellwegger. He said he's assuming that's true. Jim said it's true. He said that he came on his show after they broke up. He said he thinks she's lovely. Howard said he does too. He said he got kind of sad about that. He said he was talking about that and he was almost saying that he shouldn't have fucked that up. He said that was a long time ago. Jim said he doesn't have regret but he does appreciate the people who came through this life and gave him good. He said Linda Ronstadt was another one. He said it may have seemed like a boy toy kind of thing but she treated him with respect. He said she said that he'd be where she is and he'd have to deal with stuff. He said it was a beautiful 8 months. He said they both knew it wasn't going to be forever. He said he has a lot of respect for her. He said she was very helpful with his dad and hooking them up with a tax lawyer and things like that. He said she was a lovely person. Howard said he forgot about that whole thing. Jim said he sent her a note thanking her for that. He said it was a beautiful part of his life and he learned a lot from her.
Howard said he was reading about Linda Ronstadt and the things she did in her life. He said it's amazing that she saw him and didn't think he was a lowly person. Jim said she was so cool. He said they met at the Comedy Store. He said he heard she needed an opening act. He said he did his act and went outside and went right up to her. He said he adored her. He said she told him how good she thought he was. He said she asked him to go on the road and he said no but he'd go out on a date with her. He said he was giving up on a gig just to go out with her. He said that she said okay. Howard said as a guy you need a gig but you want to go out with her instead. He said her mind must have been blown. Jim said it was like that.
Howard asked if Jim sent Renee a copy of the book. Jim said he did. Howard said he also paints Anthony Hopkins to be a bit out there. Jim said he was great too. He said that stuff was just him and Dana taking it to the next level when they were writing.
Howard said it's pretty funny. He said Katie Holmes is mentioned in the book and they can't call Tom Cruise by his name in the book because he's too litigious. Jim said he calls him Laser Jack Lightning in the book. He said he should make that into a movie. Howard said he could make that last part of the book into a movie. He said that he'd love to see that part of the book as a movie. Jim said if he had control over it he would cast himself as his father and maybe Ryan Reynolds or Ryan Gosling as Jim Carrey. He said Christian Bale would be Nic Cage. He said he could have those people do their best Sean Penn or whatever it is.
Howard said he paints Sean Penn to be a gun loving crazy fuck. Jim said you want him by your side when the world is being attacked by aliens.
Howard said it would be great book promotion to have Tom Cruise sue him for saying he's too litigious.
Howard said Kelsey Grammer is in the book and he tries to steal the spotlight in everything he does. He asked if Kelsey hated that part. Jim said he has no idea. He said you cant tell people ahead of time that they're going to be in it. Jim said he thinks Kelsey is a lovely guy and he's talked to him but he wanted to cast him in the book as that character.
Howard said that Oprah is like one of those people who appears to know more than everyone in the room no matter who she's talking to. Jim said he has infinite respect for people like Spielberg and people like that but he leaves the dock not knowing what he's doing. Howard said Tom Hanks is one of those guys who knows how to pick movies and stuff. Jim said he'll never be in that elite club. He said he has that stupid feeling that there's a club and he's fine where he is. He said he's never felt that comfortable.
Howard said there's a scene in the book where Spielberg has his phone camera on him and he thinks he's finally in his frame. He asked if he really is waiting for something like that. He said he thinks that he is a little ticked off that he never got that prize of an Academy Award. Jim said not in the least. He said he doesn't feel like he's missing anything in this world. He said he feels like he's at a banquet and he's stuffed to the gills. He said he feels like he always does and if he doesn't get something then he'll get it in some way some day. He said he's not waiting for Spielberg to come to him. He said he just talks to him and asks more questions about Jaws. He said he is fascinated by the guy and he's incredible. Jim said he's not waiting for anyone. He said he just keeps expanding and planting new ideas.
Howard said the book is really good. He said he loves his view of the business. He said he did some animated stuff. Jim said he loved doing the Sonic movie and playing that part. He said he has seen a lot of changes in the business over the years. He said they wanted to show how this year's reality show host can be next year's tyrant.
Howard said the view of Hollywood in the book is so great. He said you wonder if your team is with you or doing it for some other reason. Jim said they have other motivations. He said you start to feel that. He said if the world starts to change then you really feel it. He said that there was the internet and social media that came around during his career. He said they were freaked out by that. He said he was talking about guns and things he doesn't like and they got scared of all of that. He said maybe rightfully so. He said it does affect the business but he can't watch kids get slaughtered without saying something.
Howard said he admires him for that. He said there's a moment in the book where he talks about John Lennon's corpse and seeing it on TV. He said he talked about putting on lots of makeup so his corpse would look good on TV. Howard said he's going to do that now. Jim said they're going to prop him up like Jesse James when he does. Howard said they'll take his corpse on tour.
Howard said he can tell in the book that he thinks he's upset about some of his movies being ignored by the academy. He said he was also upset about Tommy Lee Jones calling him a buffoon on the set of a movie. He said he hasn't gotten over that. Jim said he was a little lit that night. He said the guy is friggin amazing but he's a curmudgeon. He said that he has that Rhodes scholarship bugging him all the time.
Howard said Jim is promoting the book now from his home. He said he can do that and go on all of these shows to do that. Jim said this is changing everything. He said no one is flying now.
Howard asked what this world is going to be and when is the world going to get back to normal. Jim said when he leaves the house he puts on a mask and he has one on his ass for the people behind him. He said he's not sure what a COVID toot can do. Howard said he's so thoughtful. Jim said he has everyone covered. Howard said that's great that he's so good to people. Robin asked how he ties the mask on down there. Jim said he uses one testicle per side.
Howard asked Jim if he has anyone in his life now during quarantine. Jim said he is receiving love. He said we all need love. Jim said the point of his book is to free himself and the reader from the burden of self.
Howard asked Jim what he's doing during quarantine. He said he must be constantly entertaining himself. He said the stories in his head are enough to keep him busy during quarantine. He said he thinks that he can entertain himself because he's always got the radio show in his head. Jim said he's always been good at being alone. He said he can be anti social. He said the guy down the street may not know he's home for 6 months. He said he disappears for a while to do things like this book. He said in no way is he free. He said he has glimpses of freedom but when he's there it's like nothing else. He said he would never kid anyone into thinking he can hang on to it.
Howard said it must be exhausting to be like that. Jim said he has to feed his brain and have sex and things like that. Howard said it has to be exhausting to be Jim Carrey. He said people have expectations. He said he'd watch him on an award show and he'd be out there doing this wild stuff. He said it's great but it has to be tough. Jim said he can't throw himself into things like the Teen Choice Awards and not do that. Howard said people have such expectations of him and he must have to hibernate like a bear at times. He said he has such pressure on him. He said it has to be exhausting. Jim said he has wild thoughts all the time so he enjoys conversations about art and things like that. He said he doesn't feel like he has to be funny at all. He said some people don't think he's funny. He said funny is his middle finger but he has to use the rest of his hand as well. He said we're complex beings. He said he doesn't feel that pressure. He said he has been met with welcome and gratitude so he appreciates that.
Howard said when Jim has to be real about what he believes that's scarier to him than doing The Mask or something. Jim said it is. He said he loves exploring. He said he loves talking to people about their inner most insane pain and joy. He said we're incredible beings. He said he finds it fascinating all the time.
Howard said it's fucked up that when you get older that you love learning. He said you do that and then you die. He said you wish you could go back in time and learn things that you know now. Jim said he was like that too but he just wanted to get seen and show people he had some kind of magic. He said that was the initial motivation. He said he has felt that and now he wants to make an impact. He said that's an amazing thing that you can do that. He said he has ridiculous goals.
Howard said Jim had posted a picture from Hawaii when they were wanted that they were going to be attacked by North Korea. Jim said this is his face staring into the abyss. He said this was when he was told he had 10 minutes to live. Howard said he has such a look of pain. Jim said it was more like ''Oh, that's weird. Funny way for it to end.'' He said he wasn't upset or anything.
Howard said Colin Jost wrote a book too and he mentions him in the book. He said he's coming on tomorrow. Jim said he's great so say hello. Howard said Colin mentioned a story about Jim pitching an opening of Saturday Night Live with a 4 minute poem. He said Colin talks about how they had to try to get around that and not upset him. Jim said doing that show is so amazing. He said he would have to crack the window because he'd be sweating reading that poem. He said that the cast have such great stuff that you don't want to mess up. He said they stick you in a room and they have this giant stack of things to read. He said you never get to prepare anything. He said they take wild swings at everything. Howard said he would think that he's the dream host of Saturday Night Live. He said he has the impressions and all of that. He said they must be happy with a host like that. Jim said that his dream has always been to have his work reintroduce itself to new generations and last a while. He said he has gotten that in spades. He said he has gotten that like nobody. He said that he has 40 year olds and 50 year olds coming up to him and then 8 year olds coming up to him wanting to see the Grinch face. He said he's working all the time with guys who grew up with him. He said these guys are it for this generation and he's working with them. He said he worked with The Weeknd and he got to see him work in the studio. He said it's such a treat to see him work. He said the purity of what he does is amazing. He said then the guy tells him he's freaking out because The Grinch was the first movie he ever saw. He said it's amazing to be able to feel that.
Howard asked what he does when he goes to the studio to hear the album. He asked if they keep quiet or talk. Jim said you listen to the song and talk about what you love about it. He said he'll spew out things that he's into and they talk about stuff like that. He said he'll share things that he doesn't know about and they share things and it's fun to probe into that stuff.
Howard asked if he can imagine how his father would feel that he's accomplished so much. Jim said that everything is real in the book. He said his feelings are all real. Howard said he did a great job with it. He said he will let him go because he must be exhausted from talking to him. Howard said the book is very funny and very insightful. He said he is a big Jim Carrey fan. He said he loves his movies and his old stand up. Howard asked if he watches his movies. Jim said not in a long time. He said he has it come back to him though. He said that college kids will write to him talking about doing a paper on The Truman Show or something and he looks for that. He said his dream for this book is that people are freed from themselves for a minute. He said he hopes the book gets on a reading list for a school or something.
Howard said he's proud of Jim and his new book. He gave him a plug for the book Memoirs and Misinformation: A novel.
Jim said he loves the way Howard has grown and he loves that they're still together. Howard said he had to read the book on his Kindle. He said he can't read without blowing the letters up huge. Jim said he has an Etch-a-Sketch version coming out soon.
Howard said he's glad that North Korea didn't kill him. Jim said he is too. He said it was a strange feeling. He said that he slipped into this feeling of gratitude for his life. He said he got to live on though.
Howard asked if it would be appropriate to get Jim to give a message of hope from his butt cheeks. Jim both up and sang ''God Bless America'' with his butt cheeks. Robin said his butt looks good.
Howard said he read that Jim is always covered in paint and he paints so he knows that it's not that hard to keep it off of you. He wondered what he was doing with that paint. Jim said Howard is a great painter too. He said he was great early on too. Howard said he's about 6 years into it now. He said he really enjoys it.
Howard said he's going to tell Robin the story about his parents seeing him in the elevator in his building when Jim lived there. Jim told him to tell it. Howard said Jim lived in his building and his parents were over. He said Jim gets into the elevator and he was cool around him. He said he was sitting there being quiet. He said he was hoping Jim didn't steal Beth from him. He said Jim would return her but he was afraid that he'd take her. Howard said he hoped he wouldn't fuck with him.
Howard said his parents are standing there and his father is a huge fan of Ace Ventura. He said Jim is there and he's trying to be Hollywood. He said he was trying to impress Beth. He said his father goes ''I know who that is!'' He said that his mother asks who he's talking about. He said that his father is telling her that he's the guy who talks to the animals. He said that he's trying not to let Jim hear this. He said he's trying to drown out his parents. He said then Jim gets off and he must have thought he was nuts. Jim said not at all.
Howard asked Jim what he's going to do now. Jim said he'll probably pat himself on the back and tell himself he didn't blow it.
Howard asked what happened to his beard. He said he was growing it out for quarantine. Jim said he got sick of it really quick. He said that's his prerogative. He said he won't keep some promises. Howard said he thought quarantine was over when he shaved. He said he almost cost him his life when he went outside thinking it was over.
Howard let Jim go and thanked him for doing this. Jim thanked him too. Howard said he loved the book. Jim said they should get together when it's safe. Howard said maybe in 5 years.
Howard said he'll never forget that story with his parents. He said that they were talking about him right in front of him. He said it was so embarrassing. He said his parents were still talking about him as he left. Robin asked if they ever said hello to him. Howard said he guesses maybe they did. He said he thinks Jim wasn't interacting with them because they were talking about him. He said it was weird and an awful moment. Robin said that's the best. Howard said he had a lot to deal with in that elevator.
Howard said he has to take a break and pish. Robin said you want to see that interview. She said most of the time Jim is in the dark and his face is right there. She said his head is floating around the screen. Gary said he looked like Jambi from Pee Wee's Playhouse. Howard said that whole Demi Moore thing is so weird. He said that she posted that image from her bathroom and got so much crap from it. He said she probably has a huge house and someone is upset about how big it is. He said it was just weird.
Howard said Jim is doing these interviews where he's in a dark room and you just see his head. He said it's very weird.
Howard said when he showed that cane he was shocked at how thin it was. Robin said it looks like something you should throw away. Howard said it looked like a candy cane. He said that's how thin it was. Howard wondered how much he paid for it. Robin said it's worth about $5. Howard said that's about it. He said that's the problem with memorabilia.
Howard said he really did like that book Jim wrote. He said that he thinks Robin would like it. He said he's going to take a break and come back with a lot of stuff.
Howard came back and asked what they were listening to. They told him it was the Will Smith song. Howard said it must have been on his playlist. HE said he must have heard it and liked it at some point. He said that he may have been working out or something and heard it.
Howard said he was talking about Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. HE said his view was that if he had sex with Jada that he'd never bust her. He said he was reading an article that someone sent him and Charlamagne tha God was saying the opposite. HE said that this guy was in his 20s and Jada was having marital problems and she talked to Will and they had a private separation and she saw this guy. HE said this guy went on promoting his new album and said he had an affair with Jada. He said he didn't know much about this story but his reaction was that he thought it was out of line. HE said then Charlamagne tha God said that Jada took advantage of this guy August Alsina.
Howard said what Charlamagne was saying is that she was the bad guy. He said she took advantage of a younger guy. Robin said there's more to the story. She said he had come to Will and Jada because he had substance abuse problems. Robin said while she was helping him then she helped herself. Howard said he didn't know all of that.
Howard said Jason was wondering why he was so on Jada's side in this. HE said he didn't get that. Jason said he was just wondering why he defended her so much. Howard said he thought it was pretty clear. Jason said that they seemed to be in a loving relationship. Howard said he's thinking about it as Howard Stern so he's grateful for any woman who has sex with him. He said that's why he was saying what he said yesterday. HE said that no one wanted to fuck him. He said that's why he was saying that he'd stay quiet.
Jason asked if he ever bragged about it. Howard said of course but not on radio. He said he was a kid when he was bragging.
Ralph said that they're all talking about that stuff and it's something you should just keep to yourself. Howard said it seems like Jada wants to talk about it all on Facebook. Ralph said it looked like Will wanted to cry over it. HE asked why do that to someone. Howard said it's a bad move on their part.
Howard said he's just saying that he's keeping quiet about anyone he had sex with. HE said he's with Beth now and he's no longer looking. HE said he told her they're having sex tonight and he has to have her. Ralph said Howard has some terrific stories he could tell. Howard said Ralph knows a lot. HE said that he was in a lot of relationships and things that weren't relationships. HE said he would talk about them with Ralph. HE said he was the guy he talked to about that stuff. He said that he is married to Beth because of Ralph. He said he met her because of Ralph.
Howard said he has forgotten a lot of stories. He said Ralph might have to remind him of some of them. Ralph said there was that party in L.A. that was something. Howard didn't forget about that one.
Ralph said Jim Carrey was so great. HE said he felt like he got a peek into his mind. He said he's never real on a talk show but this was really interesting. HE said Robin was giggling the whole time and that was great. Howard said Jim's book is a great look into his mind. Ralph said he might read it. He said he might wait for the movie though.
Howard said he really doesn't know that much about Jada Pinkett Smith. He said that's all he'll say there. He said he read the comments from Charlamagne and he was thinking he didn't get the whole story.
JD said he thinks that this guy might have been using that interview to win Jada back. Howard said that's the wrong way to do that. Robin said that's like something JD would do. JD said he's done. Howard said that is a bone head theory.
Howard took a call from Mike in Maine who said that ABC got rid of Tom Bergeron. He asked how much money Howard turned down to take that job. Howard said that Tom and that woman Erin Andrews lost their job on the show. Howard said it was announced that after all the years of Dancing with the Stars that Tom and Erin are gone. Robin asked who they're bringing in. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he thinks the show caught the network off guard. HE said it was never supposed to be that big. Robin said they have classed it up lately. Howard said he thinks that they didn't put a lot of thought into the show at first but he knew it was a hit when he saw it. He said he told Robin it was going to be huge. He said he thinks they grabbed Tom Bergeron from America's Funniest Home Videos. HE said now 20 seasons have passed. HE said Tom had multiple co-hosts and maybe they're trying to give the show a facelift. He said maybe it's an older guy kind of thing. HE said maybe they want a younger host.
Howard said ABC said that ABC says they're going in a new creative direction with the show. HE said Tom was a good host. He said they're probably bringing in someone younger. Robin said they won't bring in someone with personality. Howard said they might bring in someone for women to get worked up over. HE said maybe it'll be someone like Mario Lopez and some half naked chick.
Howard said Gary knows Tom. Gary said he doesn't know anything about this though. He said he thinks they've run out of stars for that show. He said they're down to getting YouTube stars on there.
Howard said that the show has a stink all over it and then you have that old British guy there telling you that you suck. HE said we don't even know who you are. He said then that woman Carrie Ann Inaba is on the show judging you. He said that he'd be asking who they are.
Gary said Howard is a huge fan of the show. HE asked if he remembers anyone who won the show. Howard said there was a woman who won the show the first season. HE said she was hot. HE said it doesn't do anything for careers. Mike said Brooke Burke won. Howard said that wasn't the first season. Howard said Hanna from the Bachelor won last year. Robin said Carlton from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air won. Gary said then he got America's Funniest Home Videos.
Howard said Kelly Monaco was the first winner. Gary said John O'Hurley was a winner too. Howard said some people benefit from it but you have to be down on your luck. He said his favorite season was Chaz Bono. He said that was his season. He loved it. Mike asked where he's been. Howard said he bets he's fucking tons of women. He said he loved Rumer Willis too. He said she wants to be famous and it's not really happening. Robin said Demi Moore and Bruce Willis were in the audience. Howard said Demi was there every week and Bruce seemed like he didn't want to be there so he wasn't there every week.
Howard said Joe Walsh's kid was there and they had to drag him there. He said they shamed him into going. He said his absence was obvious. He said it was like that's what makes a good father, showing up to a reality show.
Howard said he also liked that the costumes were getting skimpier and skimpier with Rumer Willis.
Howard said every once in a while a tittie would pop out live on air. He said that was great. He cant remember who it was but it was worthwhile. JD said it was Melissa Rycroft whose boob popped out. Howard said then Tom Bergeron has to tell her.
Gary said Nancy Grace also had a tit pop out. He said he was just watching it. Robin said she was on some news show when the Casey Anthony case was going on. She said she was on every night. Howard said no one noticed that her tittie popped out.
Howard said he would fast forward through almost everyone on the show. HE said his parents stopped watching the show because she didn't know who anyone was. Howard said he would just fast forward to Rumer Willis if she was on.
Howard said there weren't enough nip slips on the show. Robin said they had Sailor Brinkley on last year. Howard said Christie broke her ankle and then she said she didn't want to disappoint everyone so she got her daughter to fill in. He said all of a sudden Sailor is on and doing it for her mom. He said you can't get better television than that. HE said his mind was racing.
Howard said that nasty British judge was saying they can't give her a pass anymore and she starts crying. He said he liked all of that drama. He said then they eliminated her and she said that wasn't fair. He said that she had a breakdown after that. He said it was pretty great.
Howard said Sean Spicer was terrible on the show. HE said he was on with Sailor. HE said that you'd think Rumer Willis would get work but she didn't. Robin said she was on Empire so she got some work.
Howard said maybe Jon Hein would know what happened with Dancing with the Stars. He said they need more nip slips to get the ratings up. Jon got on and said the ratings did drop. He said the people who are dancing on it aren't that big of a draw. He said they're going to give a new edge to the show. HE said he feels bad for Tom Bergeron. Robin said it wasn't Tom's fault, it was the people who were dancing. Howard said Tom kept the show moving. He said he would come back dancing after a break. He said he dances like a white guy so it was pretty funny.
Howard asked why fire him now and say something. He said they can't do the show now anyway. Jon said it just came out of nowhere really. He said Erin Andrews can't work in sports or on that show now.
Howard asked what Mad Dog is doing now that there are no sports. Jon said all sports shows are talking about what's going to happen when the sports come back. He said some are returning soon. Robin said someone always has COVID. Gary said that they're going to put cardboard cut outs at the stadiums so they're going to try to get some flat Ronnie's in there.
Howard asked what Mad Dog is talking about. Jon said he's talking about what's coming up. Robin said they were spending some time talking about Mahomes getting a new contract. Jon said they have a lot to talk about with the Redskins changing their name and things like that.
Howard asked what's up with the teams that name themselves after American Indians. Jon said a lot of things are changing. HE said the Cleveland Indians are thinking about changing their name. Howard said that they call them Indians and they're called that because Christopher Columbus thought it was in India. He said he's the dummy that came up with that. Gary said the logo for the Indians is really offensive. He said he's not sure how they got away with that as long as they did. Howard said he loves the owner of the Redskins who is so offended that he has to change the name. Robin said as soon as sponsor started to complain he finally got in line. Jon said he finally bowed to the pressure.
Jon said that he has no idea what the Redskins are going to name themselves. Gary said the Warriors might be the name. Howard said that's a good one.
Howard said they should get back to Dancing with the Stars. Mike asked if they offered him the job or not. Howard said no. He said he has been offered shows and game shows that would shock you. Mike said that he'd love to hear a list. He said he wants to know. Howard said he won't do that. He said after America's Got Talent he had a lot of meetings and was offered a bunch of game shows. HE said some of them were so tempting because he loves game shows. He said he wanted to be on the radio because of his face and who he was. HE said a game show wasn't even in his dreams. HE said he doesn't look like a game show host. He said he doesn't have any of the things that those hosts have. HE said he didn't think he could get a shitty game show like that one Wink Martindale had with the dragon on the screen. Robin said Bob Barker had it made. Howard said he'd love to have a job like Bob Barker.
Howard said he had a lot of offers but it's not his thing anymore. He said it would have been weird. He said he's also at the point in his life that this radio show is fine. He said that's enough for him. He said Tic Tac Dough was the Wink Martindale game. He said he had crazy deals and offers. HE said it was going to take up too much time. HE said they said they could do the whole season in 8 days. He said that sounded horrible to him. Robin said he would have been miserable.
Howard let Mike go and said he was reading that Jimmy Fallon went back to his studio at 30 Rock. HE said he has to find out how that works. Robin asked if he's doing it without an audience. JD said they are and everyone is spread out. HE said he's still doing interviews over Zoom. Robin asked what difference it makes. JD said he's not sure what's going on.
Howard said he doesn't think they'll see their studio for at least a year. He said even if they have a vaccine he can't see how things are going to get back to normal. He said it's surging all over the place. Robin asked how it feels to be the laughing stock of the world. She said that Canada is laughing at us. Howard said the whole thing has been mishandled.
Howard said Boston University is thinking of renaming their mascot from Rhett to Rhett the Bulldog. Jason said they're thinking of getting rid of Rhett completely. He said it would be just The Bulldog.
Howard said his son Rob Reiner was on their show once talking about what it was like to watch his dad go to work. He had a clip to play from the interview. He had Rob talking about his dad's writing and how he struggled with coming up with ideas. He said his dad would ask him if he had anything interesting to talk about to get some ideas.
Robin said that TV seasons were 25 episodes long at that time. She said it wasn't easy. Howard said Rob also told them that he pitched a joke to his dad and he was very nervous about it. Howard had a clip of him talking about pitching an idea to Carl and Mel Brooks. He said they actually used the joke he pitched to them.
Howard said he Carl and Mel did a 1000 Year Old Man bit and they ended up doing a record album for this thing they did at parties. HE said this is what they used to do. He played a clip from one of those bits.
Howard said Carl did the movie The Jerk. Howard said Robin actually roasted Carl. Robin said she did a roast with him. Howard said she roasted him too. Robin said he complimented her that night and that meant a lot to her. Howard said it was the Joan Rivers roast. Howard said Robin predicted that Carl would be dead soon. Howard played a clip of her making that jokes about Carl being dead in a couple of weeks. She also joked about how he never topped the Dick Van Dyke Show.
Howard said Carl was amazing so he thought they should mention that. Robin said she was very sad when she read that news. She said that he and Mel Brooks were still the best of friends right up until the end. She said they still saw each other and did things together. She said now Mel is all alone.
Howard said he meant to talk to Jim about Carl this morning. HE said he just forgot. He said he was going to hang out with him after he did the last interview with them.
Howard said Steve Martin and Carl would drive to the set together and write jokes on the way to shoot The Jerk. Howard said Carl was 97 so he had a long life.
Howard said Charlie Daniels, Nick Cordero and Hugh Downs died too. He said Carl was actually 98. He said he had a good long run.
Howard said on the phone is Robin calling from 2021 to tell us what happens in the future. He said he might bail in the middle of this. HE said it may not work out so well.
Howard took the call and Robin was talking about how they still can't leave their homes by next year. She said they did come up with 5 new boner pills but not a vaccine. Future Robin said that she ran out of toilet paper 4 months ago and she's on edge.
Future Robin told present day Robin to zip it when she asked a question. Future Robin said that they're all pulling shit out of their asses like Ronnie did. She said you have to do that in the future.
Howard said this is depressing. He asked who won the Presidential election. Future Robin said that Trump lost and he refused to leave so he got into a fist fight with him and Biden broke a hip so now Trump is President for life.
Howard asked Future Robin more questions and present Robin said that this is depressing. Howard asked what she misses about her old life. Future Robin said she misses the staff at the office. She said she misses rushing past them on her way to her chauffeur. She said she'll never be in a room with anyone ever again so she can say that they can all eat a hot bowl of shit. Robin said she doesn't want to meet Future Robin.
Howard asked Future Robin if there's anyone she doesn't miss. Future Robin said that she doesn't miss JD and that dumb laugh. She talked about how gross Gary was with that phlegm and coughing it up. Howard said what she turns into in the future is very honest. He said she's a monster and he likes it.
Howard asked if Future Robin misses Memet. Future Robin said that he looks like a guy getting a sex change operation and ran out of money in the middle of it. Howard asked if she has anything else to say. Robin said she misses those dumb ass news song parodies. She said she'll stick a foot up an ass of anyone who rhymes boobs with news.
Howard said present day Robin is laughing at Future Robin. He asked if she misses her at all. Future Robin said she misses their time together in the studio. Howard asked if she's being honest. Future Robin made fun of the stuff he complains about all the time and said ''Fuck you pussy boy!'' Howard said this is terrible. He said she has to calm down. Future Robin told him to program his Roomba to pull the stick out of his ass. Howard wished her luck and let her go. She said fuck everybody and ''that's what's happening...'' They had her laughing a lot toward the end there too.
Howard said he's a little aroused by Future Robin. HE said he digs her whole thing. Howard said present Robin is going to have drinks with Future Robin later. He let her go and moved on to more calls.
The caller asked Gary if his kids are doing okay with their uncircumcised penises. Gary said that they are circumcised. He said most of the staff who are uncircumcised have had issues. Howard said Fred takes care of his penis and doesn't have a problem. Gary said Howard doesn't have to clean his penis like that. Howard said he would have people to do that. He said Ralph would do that.
Howard asked Fred if he has had issues. Fred said other than having a ripping incident once he hasn't had any problems. Howard said Sal once spoke at an anti-circumcision protest but then he had his sons circumcised. Robin said Howard has the same logic as Sal. Howard said he does.
Howard asked Sal why he did that with his kids. Sal said he loves it now. Howard asked why. Sal said it was very embarrassing to be circumcised. He said he would have to hide the fact that he was uncircumcised as a kid. HE said as he got older he grew to love his foreskin. HE said it became part of his personality. He said Alfalfa had that hair sicking up and his foreskin is that for him.
Howard asked why he went to the anti-circumcision thing and then had his kids circumcised. Sal said he didn't want them to suffer the way he did. He said he didn't want them to suffer that same humility.
Gary said Sal has had smell issues down there. Sal said he has. HE said that if he skips a shower he could kill a cat with that smell. Howard asked if it smells that bad. Sal said it does. He said he'll get up in the morning and it stinks. He said he washes it in the shower and he does a smell test and sometimes he has to go back into the shower.
Howard asked if he thinks that his foreskin is famous. Sal said he does. HE said he can stretch his foreskin and tuck it in his asshole. Howard asked if he can do it now. Sal said he's not sure if the rules allow it on Zoom. Howard said just give it a try. Sal went ahead and did it. Gary and Howard were laughing. JD let out an ''Oh!'' Gary asked if anyone has an idea of how unhygienic that is. Robin said he wonders why it stinks. Howard said he wants to see his butt with it in there. Sal said he can't make it stay.
Sal did it again and Robin said he has a finger almost two knuckles in. Howard said his foreskin was in there too. Sal said that's why he's proud of his penis.
Howard asked the caller if that helped. The caller, Peter, said he wishes he was having another daughter after that. He said he's not sure what to do. He said he has Fred saying it's okay but then Sal has those issues. Gary asked Fred if he has the smell problem that Sal has. Fred said not at all.
Sal said that Chris Wilding has talked about how bad it smells down there too. Howard said he didn't know that he was uncircumcised. Chris said that he should get his son circumcised. Will said it's all about peer pressure. He said there is no reason to get the kid circumcised. Howard said he knows some men who had issues and had to get it done when they were older. Robin said they don't have any role models here in the States.
Howard asked Chris if he wakes up and catches a whiff. Chris said if he jerks off the night before and doesn't clean it then it might smell fishy. Will said if you take care of yourself you'll be fine.
Chris said he came back from vacation in February and he had some issues. He said he had to show a dermatologist his penis and it was a nightmare. HE said they were going to biopsy his penis. He said that it was really bad and they didn't know what was going on down there.
Sal said he put garlic and yogurt on his penis to get rid of the smell and it got infected down there. Robin asked what doctor told him to do that. It was Google.
Chris said that he was breaking out with pimples on his dick and they would burst. Robin said they have continents full of people who don't have to get circumcised. Chris said that he has been with some guys who have had foreskins that won't pull back. He said the odor from that was really bad. He said you'll never forget that.
Howard said Sal once smeared his cock cheese on his face. He said he might have that audio. Howard found it and played the clip. He said Sal wiped it on his face as a punishment.
After the clip Richard said that smelled worse than road kill that has been sitting around for a long time. HE said he can't eat Ricotta cheese after the Sal thing.
Howard asked Chris what he would advise Peter to do. Chris said he would tell him to get his son circumcised. Will said he should do it now. Chris said he did have the frenulum cut and moved down and that was a nightmare. Howard said no wonder Andy Cohen never called him back. Chris said Andy wishes he could smell his cock.
Howard said this is Alexis who wants to weigh in on this. He took the call and Alexis said she has been with two men who were uncircumcised and she does not want to be with a man who is not circumcised. She said that the smell was bad. She said it looks gross and she would get yeast infection from them. She said that either way you're still horny toads. She said she thinks that parents should do it.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said she's trying to think if she has been with anyone who was uncircumcised. Howard said some of them must have been. Robin said she was with one guy who had just had a circumcision. She doesn't think she has been with anyone who hasn't been circumcised.
Howard asked Chris what he thought about Sal and his foreskin. Chris said he's never seen a foreskin that looks like that. He said his foreskin is very unique. Howard said it's an accomplishment that he's able to get it in his ass. Gary said he was able to pick it out of a lineup. Howard said that's a fiveskin, not a foreskin.
Howard said Will must not have circumcised his son. Will said that he didn't. HE said he was conflicted on it too. He said for the greater good he had to not do it. HE said if we want to change it then we have to start somewhere. Howard said it is a mutilation.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she dated a guy who wasn't circumcised. She said that he got some allergy to her and he had that Phimosis and he wasn't able to pull it back. She said it would be painful for him. She said that a doctor told him to get circumcised and he got it done but they used a hard stitch in there instead of the soft once. She said it never healed properly. She said the head of his penis is always sensitive now. She said he never got used to getting exposed. Chris said he knows what she's talking about.
Ronnie asked what the deal is with Sal having so much skin there. He said it's the weirdest looking cock he's ever seen in his life. Howard asked Chris if he has ever seen that before. Chris said no. He said you could spot that penis from space. He said most doctors would recommend circumcision. He said you can get into trouble with that much extra skin.
Howard said he has a lot of skin hanging over a tiny cock. He said maybe that's what it is. Chris asked if the skin goes back when he gets a hard on. Sal said it will go back a bit but sometimes he has to move it back. He said he can get a full 3 inch stretch out of it.
Richard said when he goes to pee it's a whole process. HE said he would have to wipe his cock down and shove toilet paper in there. He said he always has the paper in there. Sal said he had to do that because there's always dripping in there. Sal showed them what it looks like with the paper in there. Everyone was laughing. Howard said it looks like someone chewed their gum and spit it out. Ronnie asked if it gets stuck in there. Sal said sometimes. Ronnie said that's why it stinks down there.
Sal said he had to go to a urologist once and he had to go in and wash it off when he saw paper stuck in there.
Chris said he goes through a lot of toilet paper just with his dick. Will said women have that issue too. Chris said that Will knows what a pain in the ass it is. Will said he knows but we were made a certain way. He said you don't have to remove your ear drums because you get ear infections. Chris said that people get operations all the time for stuff that they have growing.
Howard said it seems like mutilation to him but he's not sure what he would have done. Gary said he understands where everyone is coming from but it's never been an issue for Fred. He said that if he were in Will's boat it would be very hard for him. He said Will is circumcised and he wouldn't be sure what to tell his son to do. Howard said that Sal is particularly gross. HE said he talks about when he shoots a load he catches it in the ''pouch'' and dumps the load into the toilet. Gary said they worked with a guy who was 40 and had to get circumcised. Robin said you can end up having a problem. She said then you get it fixed. Gary said he doesn't know a lot of guys with those issues.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Sal isn't a great example of this. He said that he's creating the problem. He said he is 41 years old and uncircumcised. He said everything is cool. HE said you take care of it and it's fine. HE said vaginas stink from time to time too. HE said you just have to take care of it.
Gary said that he chose not to make his kids the pioneers like Will did. Will said that he mutilated his kids then. Gary said they don't remember it. Will said that if the kid wants to do it later in life he has the option to do it.
Chris said he has anger toward his mother about not getting it done on him. He said he has a lot of anger because of that.
Howard asked Peter what he's going to do. Peter said he doesn't know yet. He said he'll save this recording and play it for him in 20 years.
Howard took a call from Balls who said he has a problem with circumcision. HE said he has had problems since he was born. HE said they had to carve his cock because of the way it healed. He said he still has problems up until now. He said it's not a good idea.
Howard said he would get paranoid if he had a son and did that to him. He said Balls is saying he always had a problem. HE said that's why the call him Balls. He said his original nickname was going to be penis.
Howard asked if that's really why they call him Balls. Balls said that's not the reason.
Robin said she's confused. She wasn't sure if he was circumcised as a baby or at 7. Balls said it was when he was 7 that it didn't heal right and they had to go in and carve it all up. Howard said that he never should have been circumcised at 7. He said he should have been taught how to clean his cock. He said a lot of doctors don't know what they're doing.
Ronnie asked Sal why he jerks off into his pouch. Sal said that's a good question. HE said at certain times when he's by himself and doesn't have tissues he can do that. He said he can run to the bathroom and dump it out. Howard said why not do it into your hand. Sal said it would make a mess. He said it's easier to close it and dump it. He said it's really convenient. Ronnie said that's why he stinks all the time. Sal said that's true.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that when he was 21 he had a circumcision done. He said it was embarrassing as a kid and he had some issues too. HE said he got it done at 21 and the negative about it is the amount of pain there was from surgery. He said it was the worst pain but he's glad he did it. Howard said that's what he's heard from other guys. He said it's so painful. Robin said that it's tissue full of nerve endings. The caller said he was dating a girl who liked to have sex a lot and she was anxious to get it going again. HE said he put a condom on and it ripped the stitches when he got an erection. He said he has two sons and he had them done and he would do it if he was this guy.
Howard went around the Zoom room and asked everyone yes or no on circumcision. Robin said no, Sal said no, Will said no, Chris said yes, Richard said yes, Fred said no, Ronnie said yes, Gary said yes. Howard said he hates to say it but he would do it. Will said he followed Howard's lead here. Howard said he might be a hypocrite. Howard said he knows there isn't a god up there saying this is what you should do. He said it's all made up. He said it's as wrong as cutting off a woman's clitoris. HE said he thinks would do the circumcision though.
Howard told Peter that it's 100 percent wrong but do it anyway. Robin said get the best medical advice and then make your decision. She said don't listen to these wackos. Richard said that his father is uncircumcised but he got him done because he had some issues.
Ronnie asked if they think it affects how big your cock grows if you get a circumcision. Howard said he thinks something went wrong with his. He said he feels like they cut something off. Robin said it stunted his growth. Howard said it was traumatic.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said they have to ask their pediatrician. She said then you get the answer and think about it. She said don't go by what Sal says.
Howard said he likes that Sal said that he got his sons done because he knew they wouldn't be in radio. Sal said his dick has paid off his mortgage so he's happy he has it.
Howard wrapped up with Peter and said let them know what he does. Peter said he appreciates that.
Howard said he has Jeff the Drunk who wants to sing a tribute to Charlie Daniels. He asked who wants to hear that. Robin said no, Sal said yes, Will said no, Chris said yes, Richard said no and that he'd like to see Sal stick his foreskin in his ass again. Howard asked Fred. Fred said no please. Ronnie said no, Gary said yes and Howard said yes. He said it's 5 to 4 no. He said he has to break the news to Jeff.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that it would have been awesome if he could have done it. Howard said he had to say no. He asked if he was going to do Devil Goes Down to Georgia. Jeff said that's what he was going to do. Howard said he was into it but the votes said no. Jeff said it is Howard's show. Howard thanked him for the call and hung up.
Howard said they should have asked Jeff about circumcision. He wondered if he was. Chris said he is because he got a dick pic from him a while back. Gary said his dick looks like it has atrophied like his arm. Chris said it's kind of grey. He asked if they want to see it. He said Jeff says he's not gay but he might like this. He showed the guys the picture. Howard said ''What the fuck?'' Gary said the one he saw the head of his penis was tuck to the side of his leg. HE said it was very funny. Sal said it looks like a matted thumb.
Howard said it has been a long show. He said they have done a lot today. He said it's hard to walk away from the microphone when so much is going on. Robin said they started off with Jim Carrey and ended with Sal shoving his foreskin in his ass. Howard said they could say that Sal was inspired by Jim Carrey. Sal said he really was. HE thanked Jim for all of that. Robin said that this show does have its highs and lows.
Howard got Jeff back on the phone and asked where he stands on circumcision. Jeff said he's against it. He claims that he has never been cut. Howard said he thought he was circumcised. Jeff said he is uncut. Gary said wait a second. Chris said he didn't show them the wrong dick. Jeff said he has never been cut. Howard said there is no foreskin there. Jeff said that he didn't send him his fucking dick. Chris said that he is cut and doesn't have a foreskin. Fred played the ''You dick!'' Jeff Spicoli clip. Jeff said they have seen his penis and he isn't cut. Chris said he is cut. Howard said he saw a picture of his dick and he is not cut. He said now they have to demand a picture of his dick with today's newspaper next to it. Jeff said Shuli can tell him. Shuli got on and said that is his dick. He said that he is not uncircumcised. He said he's not sure what he's talking about. HE said he sends out so many dick pics that he has a stock photo. He said he got two emails from two women and a guy who said they friended him and he sent out dick pics. Jeff said those people are looking for that.
Howard said what Jeff is saying is that he sent him a dick pic because he felt bad for him that he had to look at High Pitch Erik's cock. Chris asked if that's why he sent him his address. Jeff said he didn't do that. Chris said he did. Howard asked if Jeff is into guys. Jeff said he's not into guys at all. Robin asked why he can't take a picture right now.
Howard said he thinks that Jeff's parents wouldn't care to get him circumcised. Jeff said none of their kids are circumcised. Gary said he thinks that Jeff may not know what they're talking about. Jeff said it's when you get the tip of your dick cut off. He said he knows. Howard said he has to wrap this up. He said Jeff being circumcised doesn't compute to him. He said he's not sure why he's sending his dick pic and address to Chris. Jeff said he didn't do that. Chris said he did send it to him. Jeff said he said that as a joke.
Howard said he loves when Jeff tries to explain things. HE said he doesn't make sense. HE had Shuli do his impression of him for a few seconds. Howard said a lot of gay stuff happens as the result of a joke. He said a lot of prisoners fuck guys after being in jail a long time. He said Jeff has been locked up a long time in that trailer. Jeff said he's not blowing the mail man. Howard said he thinks that Jeff is confused and he thinks he's uncircumcised but he's not. He said that's what he's leaving the show with today. He told Jeff to send Chris a picture of his dick soft and he'll be able to tell him. Jeff said he doesn't need to do that.
Jeff said that he sent them a video of him masturbating and he has no reason to send a picture of his dick. Howard asked what he just said. Shuli did his impression of Jeff talking about whatever it was he just said. Richard said they have to see that video.
Howard let Jeff go and thanked Jeff Shuli for weighing in. He asked what he thinks about all of this. He did more of his Jeff impression and slurred out his comments.
Howard got in a plug for Casper mattresses who sponsored the show today. Howard spent a little more time with Jeff Shuli too.
Howard took a call from a doctor who said that these infections that these people have are fungal. He said they have no idea what they're discussing. HE said they're ruining people with this. He said there is a reason for doing it. He said it creates fungal infections and there is no reason to not get it done. He asked who the fuck Howard is because he's uneducated. Howard said someone asked his opinion and he gave it. He said he did say that we're not born imperfectly. The caller said that Howard cut his nose so why did he do that. Howard said this guy isn't a doctor. The caller said that if you don't want your kid to get ridiculed then get your kid circumcised. Howard said he did say that he would get his kid circumcised so how is he wrong. He hung up on the guy. Everyone was saying that wasn't a real doctor. Ronnie said no doctor would be named Randall. Howard said that's Ronnie logic.
Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Howard started the show talking about how he's still getting used to the new equipment. He heard an echo as he started the show. He said he has various buttons he has to hit. He said they're still at home working. He said he has to get down there earlier to set things up. He said he's a one man lighting crew. He said he has a lot to get ready. He said he used to be a big time broadcaster and now he has to set things up himself. He said he has to turn on the set lights and print things out himself. He said there used to be unions so they weren't allowed to do things like that. He said now he has to do it himself. He said now he misses all of that.
Howard said he has to organize and paper clip his papers. He used to have people to do that for him. He said he doesn't even know who did that for him. He said now he has many chores to do. He said he has to make his own bed in the morning.
Howard asked why he's seeing Sal. He said he doesn't know why someone is fucking around with that camera stuff.
Howard said he has to make the bed and anything Beth asks him to do. He said today he made the bed second. He said he was reading on his phone that SiriusXM is doing all kinds of stuff. He said he read that the stockholders are going to get a residual which is like half a cent or something. He said he has stock in the company so he'll get something. He said he was reading that they bought a podcasting company for like $365 million. He said evidently the ads in podcasts are very lucrative. He said they bought that and Pandora a short while back. Robin asked if their name is going to get longer. Howard said it could.
Howard said he read about this guy Fred Jacobs who used to run some of the ABC radio stations. He said he became a radio consultant. He said he wrote an article about regular radio and how SiriusXM is now their enemy. He said they shouldn't forget it. He said he had 10 reasons why they're a threat to regular radio. He said that was a lot of work. Howard said the article was very complimentary about how the company is running.
Howard said he has some other news about Sirius. He said starting today at noon they're launching streaming channels for new artists. He said that Scott Greenstein went out and formed a relationship with the Beastie Boys, Bob Marley, Jim Gaffigan and others. He said they will have streaming channels for those artists. He said the Prince channel is coming back too. Howard said they're going to have a Queen channel. He played some audio for some of the channels he was talking about. He said Coldplay will have a channel as well as Michael Jackson. He had some of his music to play and some Bob Marley stuff. Howard said they're bringing back Prince too. He played Purple Rain. Robin said that song grabs you from the first second.
Howard said those channels are streaming starting today at noon. Robin said Jim Gaffigan has his own channel too. Howard said he didn't know he was big enough for that. He said he knew he was funny but he didn't know he had enough to have his own channel.
Gary said he had some surgery and he looked like the puppet Madam. Robin said he always wore makeup. Robin said they made a big deal out of him being on their show.
Howard said he has no recollection of interviewing that guy. He said he has been in radio so long. He said people will ask if he remembers having someone on like that and he has no memory of it. He said he can't remember what they did last week. He said if he was in a deposition he wouldn't be able to give them anything. He said he probably knew noting about this guy and had him on because of the way he looked.
Howard said people ask him if he remembers doing things and he says no. He said they used to do so many shows. Robin said she never would have believed it if she hadn't seen the video.
Howard said he thought that Walter Mercado was the kid who banged his teacher. He said that teacher died recently and he thought that was the kid's name. He said that would have been his best guess. Robin said he was the psychic. She said he made tons of money and had exposure around the world. Robin said his manager got him a contract that got him the rights to everything including his own name and brand. She said he lost that name so that's why he disappeared. Howard said he would have guessed he pitched for the Mets or something.
Howard said the teacher who died was Mary Kay Letourneau. He said she went to jail and then ended up marrying that kid. Robin said she wasn't able to stay away from that kid and that's why she went to jail. Howard said he read that the kid married her and then divorced her but he was at her side when she was on her death bed.
Howard said you have to see this movie 365 Days on Netflix. He said they're threatening to take it off the air. He said it's really good though. He said it's about this Mafia guy who is jacked up and good looking and he sees a hot chick and he falls in love with her without knowing her. He said she's super hot and he comes up with the idea to kidnap her and make her fall in love with him. He said this girl is really hot. He said Beth is disgusted with it but she didn't want him to turn it off. He said this can give people ideas to do stuff like this.
Howard said the guy says he's not going to rape this woman but he's going to keep her in his house for a full year and if she doesn't fall for him then she's free to go. Howard said you can see the woman is falling for his looks right away.
Robin asked if it was dubbed or in subtitles. Howard said it was a mix. He said it was all over the place. He said it's one of the worst movies ever made but you can't take your eyes off of it.
Howard said the guy brings in another woman and he shows her what she's missing. He said he lets this woman blow him in front of the kidnapped woman. He said if he did that to his wife she would not be turned on by that. He said this is why the movie is the most wrong movie ever. He said it's most guys fantasy. He said the guy does the porn star move where he grabs the girl's head and jams it on to his cock. He said any normal girl would run for the hills.
Howard said the girl falls for the guy after he takes her shopping and buys her sexy outfits. Robin said what a stupid movie. Howard said she's sold after that. He said it's basically Beauty and the Beast with a guy who isn't a beast. He said the guy is good looking already. He said that this girl falls for him because he goes shopping with her.
Howard said he's not revealing the whole movie. He said you can see it coming from a mile away but it's like soft core porn. He said it's sexy people and they're walking around naked. He said the message is that if you kidnap someone they'll fall in love with you. He said that's why people want it off the air.
Howard said the movie has a zero percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes. He said that means no one liked it. Robin said that's the critics who didn't like it.
Robin said she watched the movie Body Heat for the first time in a long time and that holds up. she said it has William Hurt and Kathleen Turner. She said the movie is very sexy. Howard said he never forgot how sexy William Hurt was.
Howard asked if he even knows their music. Richard said they had a hit with the remake of ''Once Bitten Twice Shy.'' He said there are actually two Great White bands and the one that didn't play this show had to go up and explain that they're not the same band. He said one is called Jack Russell's Great White and the other is just Great White. He said there were two Ratts and two L.A. Guns for a while too.
Howard said the chance of making it in a band are really slim. He said if you have a hit band then just get on stage and make money. He said they just can't fucking do it. He said Van Halen drives him crazy. He said that they just can't get along with Sammy and Michael Anthony. He said to have two Great Whites is insane. He said that they have two of those bands competing now.
Richard said that Skid Row goes out without Sebastian Bach. He said they could make a ton of money if they had him back. Howard said he would love to see a movie about that. He said Sebastian must be a nightmare to work with. Richard said he seems to be a really nice guy. Howard said he does. He said he saw him tie his penis into a knot once on the show. He said that his penis is so long that he can tie it in a knot. Robin said it wasn't just foreskin. She said it was the penis.
Richard said imagine looking that good and being able to tie your dick in a knot. Howard told him to tell him he got fat at least. Richard said not at all. He said he still looks good. Howard said he loves it when guys end up looking worse than he does.
Robin said once she was on a plane and Yngwie Malmsteen was on the flight and he had put on some weight and had a big gut.
Howard said there was no better looking guy than David Lee Roth in the 80s. He said he was in a hotel on the same floor with Van Halen once. He said he saw David at the MTV awards once and he had that long blond hair and he was in good shape. He said he was such a good looking dude. He said he was in a band and he must have had some party. He said now he sees him and he thinks he's better looking than David.
Robin said David was so good looking he'd be on the cover of rock magazines all the time. She said he posed nude on one of them. Howard said Richard had a boner.
Howard said he loves David but he thinks that some women would rather fuck him than David at this point.
Richard said that they were going to get back with David in the 90s and David went off script and said something crazy and the reunion lasted a couple of days and then they got the guy from the band Extreme to be in the band.
Howard said Vince Neil was another guy who was really good looking and now he looks like he's in the 9th month of pregnancy. Richard said they call him Vince Meal online. Howard said he thinks if you put him in a room with Vince and David and some women might find him better looking than them. Gary said Howard would win. He said he saw Vince recently and he still wears the cut off sleeve shirts and stuff and he has a big belly. He said it's not the same guy but he dresses the same.
Howard said he'd love to get in the room with all of those guys from back in the 80s and see who the women would be into. Robin said you can't give their names though because they might want that name to be someone they slept with. Howard said he doesn't think it would matter.
Richard said Vince Neil was asked to get into shape to go out on tour and he started doing it but then the tour got canceled.
Howard said Tommy Lee got some face tattoos. He said he was good looking back then too. He said he thinks some women would want to be with him over Tommy at this point too. He said those guys were so good looking back in the day though. Richard said you had to be good looking to be in a band. He said they used to get goofed on if they weren't good looking. He said Grim Reaper was one of those bands.
Howard said Tommy Lee used to be able to steer a boat with his dick when he was with Pam Anderson. He said she was trying to blow him and his cock was so big she wasn't able to fit it in her mouth. He said it was like being in a car with a third person.
Richard said he had to have loved that the video got out. Howard said of course he loved it. Robin said she's not convinced that he didn't put it out. Howard said they don't know that.
Richard said he would look through the magazines back then to see what the guys were stuffing in their pants. Howard said Tommy wasn't stuffing anything. He said that was his real cock. He said that Tommy's cock was taller than Eric the Actor. He said it had a better personality too. Robin said his face tattoo is not helping.
Howard said Tommy could have paddled a boat with his cock. He said he could get home if he got lost in the water. Richard said he thinks that he could play a drum solo with that thing. Howard said he thinks he did.
Howard said now you see those guys and he might be better looking than a lot of them. Richard said the singer of Great White he definitely is. He said they played that concert where they had the fire and Howard said something about the singer looking like he was in the fire. Howard said he really never heard of Great White until that tragedy. He said then he knew about them.
Howard said Great White played a concert with a crowd that wasn't wearing masks. He said it was in North Dakota and they may not even be in this country at this point. Howard said through no fault of their own the venue only sold 4000 seats to be spaced out but then everyone crowded the stage anyway. He said who knows what the fuck happened there.
Richard said a country singer did something similar that he got flack for. Howard said the people going to the concert should be the ones taking the shit for going. He said it's not all the band's fault.
Gary said the country singer was the one who had only 4000 tickets sold. He said they didn't tell the people to stay apart at the concert.
Howard said what an embarrassing band to die for. He said if you're going to do that then do it for the Stones or Zeppelin if they reunited. Richard said if Stryper got together he wouldn't go but if he was single and not a dad he might.
Howard said it's such an idiot statement to say if you were single that you'd go. Howard said people seem to think that they can go out and get this virus and they'll be okay. He said at first they were afraid of it but then they have this magical thinking that they'll be okay. He said this 30 year old went to a COVID-19 party and thought he'd be fine and now he's dead.
Howard asked if Richard would really go to a concert. Richard said no but if it was outdoors and he was 20 feet away from people he might. Howard said he doesn't want him going out to any concerts. Richard said he's with Howard on that.
Howard said he heard Great White is thinking of playing in a mine field next month. He asked if it's worth going to one of their concerts. Richard said they were too bluesy for him. He said they did that song ''Rock Me'' too. Howard didn't remember that one either.
Howard asked how Richard is doing. Richard said he's good and he's wearing his mask. He said he actually has a Stryper mask. He said his son is so hyper they have to let him run around the back yard. Howard thanked him for the update and let him go.
Howard said Florida had their single highest number of COVID-19 infections reported yesterday. Robin said they could get it under control if everyone just wore a mask. Howard said that's not happening.
Howard said the testing is still a bitch. He said he was reading about that. Robin said she heard one person say they thought they had the disease and it took a week to get the results back. Robin said the whole family ended up getting it because of the wait.
Howard said people are lining up in Texas at one in the morning to get tested. Gary said as of July 3rd Jon Hein had gotten the test and still doesn't have results.
Howard asked Jon why he got tested. Jon said he was going to go out with some friends upstate. Jon said it took 12 days to get the test back. Howard said you can get infected in that 12 days. Jon said that's a long time to wait and if he did have it then he could have spread it to who knows how many people.
Howard said he's going to take a break and then get to Colin Jost. He said he's on Saturday Night Live and he's been there a bunch of years. He said he read his book over vacation and it's fucking great.
Robin said he might want to button up that shirt. She said the shirt is open too much. Howard said Gary told him he likes it. Robin said she does too but it's showing a lot of chest hair.
Howard said he was watching some clips of him with Jim Carrey yesterday and he doesn't like the new camera. He said that he wanted to throw up seeing himself. Howard said he'll pull his shirt down and talk to Colin. He said he read his book and it was really good. He said he couldn't wait to keep reading it. He said that's how good it was. He said he has a whole chapter about shitting. He said that was great. He said they'll talk to Colin next. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said Colin Jost is a guy who has been on Saturday Night Live for a bunch of seasons. He asked how many it has been. Colin said as a writer he's been there 15 seasons. He said he's been doing Weekend Update for like 5 years. Howard said he looks younger in person. Colin said he gets that a lot. He said he didn't realize he looked terrible on TV.
Howard said he doesn't want to punch him in the face like his book title says. Colin said he can imagine he would want to. He said that's a relief to him. Howard said he wishes he looked like him. He said he's jealous.
Howard said he has been telling everyone about his book. He said he read it and he loved it. He said he's not being a phony here. He said he really did enjoy it. He said he and a younger broadcaster write to each other and that guy asked him what he does when he feels burned out on the show to get inspiration. He said he told this guy, Kidd Chris, that he should read Colin's book A Very Punchable Face: A Memoir. He said that he gives a good overview of what it's like to put a lot of work into his career. He said he put so much work into it that they noticed it and he succeeded.
Howard said sometimes he thinks that he has done everything and what else is there to do. He said he was really inspired by this book. Howard said the book really did inspire him.
Howard said Colin mentioned Jim Carrey in his book and he said he's the most committed to sketches. He said they did one where Jim shit his pants for this Black Swan sketch they did. Colin said that he was in a leotard and he screams at the end of it. He said he blew out his bottom and the costume department had to do something because he was going into a sketch 45 seconds later. He said he shit his pants on live TV.
Howard said he wanted to ask him about that but he forgot to. He said Colin is a big fan of Jim's and he heard he wanted to open the show with a 4 minute poem. Colin said it was a 4 minute song. He said he wanted to play Helvis which was Elvis singing about Pecan pie. He said they wanted to see where that went and they figured they'd replace it with some other thing. He said they had a rehearsal with Jim doing that song. He said he came out and did the monologue. He said there was no context at all for the bit. He said he just did it.
Howard said when Jim Carrey walks in and he has all of that talent you can't just say it sounds stupid. Colin said that he was a kid and Jim hosted Saturday Night Live and he did some really funny stuff. He said he did a selling a weight loss product bit and he played a life guard for a hot tub with just one person in it. He said he hadn't hosted in like 20 years when he came back and he was one of his biggest idols when he was growing up so he was all for whatever he wanted to do.
Howard said Jim auditioned for Saturday Night Live and they turned him down. He said that's one of those crazy things. He said he could have been a cast member. Colin said Melissa McCarthy was another one. He said that was crazy to think about.
Colin said he talked to Jim at the show and he knew him from his movies. He said he was like 25 or 27 in Dumb and Dumber. He said he had already been doing stand up for 15 years before that. He said you realize you can have this whole other career and make that choice.
Howard said when you have someone like that on Saturday Night Live it's a godsend. He said when you have to writ for someone like Trump it's tough. He said he thinks he said he didn't have a good sense of humor. Colin said certain hosts for different reasons are tough. He said Lance Armstrong was on in his first year and he pitched an idea where he announced his yellow wrist bands caused wrist cancer. He said Lance said ''fuck no'' to that. He said he had no other ideas for him. Colin said then Trump was tough too. He said he had an idea to do a Rosetta Stone bit where you learn Mexican slurs. He said he had one where he was in the hall of presidents and he's roasting the other presidents.
Howard said he can't imagine writing stuff for Lance Armstrong. He said those are tough assignments.
Colin said Michael Phelps hosted and he wrote a bit for him and then Jared from Subway showed up as a guest. He said he was writing for Michael Phelps and Jared from Subway.
Howard said Colin tells shitting in your pants stories very well. He said the story of him going golfing with his buddies and he shits the front of his pants is so great. He said he went through how it happens and it's a great story. Colin said it's like one of those sports science shows. Howard asked if he was wearing pants or shorts. Colin said it was powder blue shorts. He said it was a white polo shirt and it was at a public golf course. Howard asked how old he was. Colin said he was like 32 so he was way too old. He said it was just a few years ago. Howard said it's crazy.
Howard said he shit his pants at home too. He said he figured that was impossible to do. Howard said Colin was wearing the traditional golfing outfit. He said that he figured he'd be wearing a Hawaiian shirt or something. Colin said there were times when he tried to look like that but people looked at him so he had to dress more traditional.
Howard asked who he was playing with. Colin said grey were not close friends. He said he'll play with whoever is there. He said that he knew some of the people there and didn't know them well at all. He said they're out at the 12th hole which was a par 3. He said they were walking to the next tee. He said he figured he had to do something about this stomach issue he had so he went to pee really quick. He said he went into the woods and he had to violently shit. He said he pulled down his shorts and goes to the bathroom and thinks he's clear of the shorts. He said he didn't get them far enough down. He said he was squatting and he hit the front of the shorts. He said he didn't see that initially. He said there's a deer standing there looking at him and he has to take his shorts and underwear off. He said he's in cleats and a polo shirt. He said he used his underwear to clean up and threw them into the woods. He said he pulls his shorts back up and goes back to the tee. He said this is like 5-10 minutes into it. He said he's there and looks and sees he has coated the front of his pants. He said he pulled his shirt over it but it wasn't long enough. He said he just doesn't know what to do. He said he continued to play. He didn't know what to tell these people so he just kept going. He said he was social distancing. He said he played another 6 holes and then ran to his car and ran home.
Howard said he remembers him wetting his hand with his tongue and wiping the shorts off. He said then it looked like he peed on the shorts. Colin was laughing through all of this. He said that's what it looked like.
Colin said he went to Hawaii with Will Forte and he went there for 3 days. He said he had those days off from Saturday Night Live. He said he wanted to see his friends and have a vacation. He said he got on a night flight home after dinner. He said he was in his rental car and had a 20 minute drive. He said he had to go to the bathroom. He figured he wasn't going to make it so he pulled off on a dirt road. He said it's night and in a tropical rain forest. He said he had terrible diarrhea. He said he wiped off and threw them into the woods. He said he went home after that. He said the next year he went back again. He said they went to the house they rented and Will made him take him to the place where he thinks he went. He said they wanted to search for his underwear. He said he had told them to story. He said after 5-10 minutes Will walks out of the woods with his underpants. He said it was a year later and he found them in the woods. Howard asked if they were petrified.
Howard said Colin must have smelled so bad at the golf course. Colin said he was trying to make jokes about how they must have fertilized the course. Howard said he would be trying to go home immediately. He said it would drive him crazy to think they knew he shit his pants.
Howard said his shitting stories are so great. He said he looks like a guy who wouldn't shit his pants. He said he looks like he's got it together.
Howard said Colin had a story about shitting his pants at a party for the newspaper he worked for at the time. He said he went home and threw his shitty clothes in the laundry and forgot to turn it on because he was drunk. He said the next morning his mother wakes him up and asks what's wrong with him. He said the part he loved about that story is that his brother took such glee that he got in trouble for shitting in the washing machine. Howard said the story was go perfect.
Howard said Colin was living with his parents and he had to travel from Staten Island to the city to go to this good school. He said it was like a 90 minute commute. He said he was just a kid. Colin said he was just 14. He said he's sure it was a debate because that's a long trip. He said there were times when he was coming home in the dark. He said it was dark in the morning in the winter too. He said that things weren't running as regularly at times too. He said there were times he was alone for 2 hours. He said it was really scary at times. He said he's very self aware now. He said he walks in the middle of the street when he walks at night. He said he imagines being robbed and having imaginary money to give these guys. He said he has weird survival things that can help you. He said it was a scary decision to go to school in the city. He said all of his friends went to school in Staten Island.
Howard said he's not sure he'd let his kids do something like that. Colin said an hour of traveling is nothing now. He said he doesn't mind it. He said it almost puts his mind at ease. Howard asked if he ever asks his mom what she was thinking. Colin said she just read the book and she's glad she didn't know all of this stuff was happening. He said that she knew it was a great opportunity for him. He said it was one of the best schools in Manhattan. He said that almost everyone commutes there. He said that they come in from all over the state. He said his mother knew that it would change his life. Howard asked what it's called. Colin said it's Regis. He said you were surrounded by wealthy girl schools and in the middle of the city with no supervision. He said you were with your friends and no one wanted to go back home. He said they'd be in the city until 9 at night because no one wanted to go home.
Howard said Colin didn't start talking until he was 4 years old. He said that's really delayed. He said he talked about how he has been terrified by talking in public. He said that now he's on Saturday Night Live and doing stand up. He said that's the last thing you'd think you'd get into. He said you think he'd get into something like his mother was into. Colin said he thinks that he didn't really think about it until he was writing the book. He said that it was like nature was telling him not to do it and that made him want to do it more. He said he wanted to see it through and get better at it.
Howard asked why it was that he didn't start talking until he was 4. He asked if it was diagnosed. Colin said not that he knows of. He said he wasn't told if it was something diagnosed. He said he's sure that it was terrifying for his parents. He said his mom said that they weren't that worried about it because he made good eye contact. She told him that he seemed to understand what people were saying. He said that there must have been some fear or feeling he had. He said that his therapist helped him get through it.
Howard said maybe it was this Einstein syndrome that delays you from developing. He said Einstein didn't talk until he was like 4 or 5. Colin said he didn't know that.
Howard said Colin was a good athlete too. He said he has excelled at some sports. He said he still has tits though. Howard said he can relate to that. He said he has worked out hard in his life at times and he still had tits. He said he looks down and he has titties. He asked what that is. Howard said Colin talks about being a rower for a year and that didn't get rid of them. Colin said he'd be filling out a B-cup at least. He said he's always been self conscious of it. He said one of the nipples was puffier than the other too. He said he thought he might have breast cancer or something. Howard said he had the same issue. He said he went home to his mother and told her that his nipple was in pain when he pressed on it. He said the doctor told him he could cure it and told him to just stop pushing on it.
Howard said he admires people who go to Harvard. He said Colin went and he wanted to write for the Harvard Lampoon. He said they only take 4 students per semester. Colin said it can be just one or two. He said it's really competitive. He said some people write for 3 years and don't get on. He said they have been doing it their whole college career and don't get on it. He said you spend all this time and have nothing to show for it. He said it's crazy.
Howard said when you go to Harvard people think your future is set. He said his parents must have been freaked out that he wanted to be a comedian. He asked if it was a topic of discussion. Colin said he lived in Russia and learned the language. He said that was a worrying thing already. He said they didn't think he needed that to be a doctor or lawyer. He said he thinks they thought it was a phase when he got into comedy. He said he thinks that even when he was on Saturday Night Live they weren't sure if that was a real thing. Howard said his mom was really accomplished. He said she was one of the first responders during 9/11. He said the buildings collapsed while she was standing there. He said he got chills reading about her. Colin said she's very modest too. He said she doesn't act heroic in real life. He said she's very unassuming. He said she was always there for fire fighters. He said they were there for her too and they were her best friends.
Howard asked if his mom had any medical conditions because of the dust at ground zero. Colin said she does have some lung issues. He said she makes healthy choices and doesn't smoke and things like that. He said she tries to walk every day and tries to do something. He said the COVID thing is a big worry for her. He said that the fire fighters who have compromised respiratory systems are in trouble too.
Howard said it seems like his mom had a very important job. He asked if he felt she was available to him. Colin said she worked six days a week and one of those days she was on call for 24 hours. He said she'd wake them up and tell them that she was going to a fire in the middle of the night. He said there was routine to their lives though. He said she was around more than you'd think she would be. He said the routine of having a dinner on certain days was more important than having an erratic schedule. He said that's what she had. He said she didn't seem absent in any way. He said she did work long hours though.
Colin said his family lived on the same block in Staten Island so he had his grandparents next door. He said they never needed a baby sitter. He said it still felt like a family community.
Howard said Pete Davidson grew up on Staten Island like he did. He asked if his mother knew Pete's dad who died on 9/11. Colin said she did. He said they weren't friends but she knew him through the department. He said she had to give physicals to everyone and had to follow up and clear them for duty. He said she knew him and then part of her job was to tell the families that their family member died in the line of duty. He said she knows that community well and follows up with people. He said some of her good friends are widows of fire fighters and she bonds with them through that.
Howard asked if he and Pete talk about that history. Colin said not really. He said it's just a strange thing that two people from Staten Island ended up on Saturday Night Live. He said they really don't talk about it.
Howard asked if his mom was able to move on with her life after dealing with all of that. Colin said that they are an Irish family so they don't get into feelings and stuff. He said that he's never really asked her about it. He said he and his brother will try to get it out of her but they don't push it. He said he remembers years of her being more distant. He said work was kind of awful for her for a certain time. He said he thinks when you look around and 75 percent of the people you worked with and were friends with were gone, that's nuts. He said she must have missed them and he's not sure how she processed that. He said he should probably ask her.
Howard said maybe his mom was being protective and didn't want to show him her issues. Colin said that's probably it. He said that he's sure she didn't want that being laid on them. Howard said his mom needs a book so grey can share feelings through the books. He said that way they don't have to talk. Colin said that might be the most efficient way to do it.
Howard asked Colin about Harvard and mentioned that he saw Mark Zuckerberg there. Howard said it must be a great way to get into comedy by writing for the Harvard Lampoon. Colin said there were some people that got in on their writing. He said some may have been more natural at it. Howard asked if it came to him naturally or was it a chore. Colin said he never thought about it actually. He said he was funny around his friends but some people are just naturally funny. He said some people have to work at it. He said you see it with people like Seinfeld and Rock. He said they're diligent and that's inspiring. He said they put in this crazy work to get it to be the best it can be. He said they would tell you that so much of that is the hard work they do. He said Jerry still goes into an office and works every day. He said he's a billionaire and still writes every day.
Howard asked Colin about all of the stuff he turned into the Lampoon and if it was heart breaking not to get in. Colin said it was tough. He said he didn't have a thing yet and he didn't have to do it but he knew it was the perfect thing for him to do. He said they kept telling him no and he was so bummed. He said he got really close and that was the worst part. He said he was probably one of the group of the last people who didn't get it. He said they come to tell you in person when you don't get it. He said they're basically telling you that you're not good. He said they seem like they're 40 years old but they're only 2 years older than you. He said they dress up in suits to come and tell you this.
Howard said to get dressed up like that seems sadistic. Colin said he would apologize for not getting it right. He said he'd keep trying but he had to think about it. He said they're very serious about it and they're almost tearing up about it. He said you realize that they're about to go have the best time. He said his roommates went into another room and they thought he was going to get in. He said they come back in and ask how it went. He said it was humiliating.
Howard asked if the writing was bad and if he's gone back and looked at it. Colin said he hasn't. He said maybe his approach to the way he did it was wrong or something. He said he's not sure what it was. He said no one really told him what it was about it that wasn't good enough. He said he figures he must have gotten better to get where he is now. He said if an author writes a great book and later on they hear that their older writing was better it has to hurt.
Howard said Colin talks about how he likes writing for other people even when he doesn't get credit for it. Howard said the book talks about how he has written over 500 sketches for people. He said that people don't know him for that. He said they think he's the news anchor. He said the book is his Academy Awards. He said he feels weird telling you this but he tells you which sketches he wrote. Colin said it's like batting 200 or 250. He said for those 500 he has written maybe 1500 or 2000 that were rejected.
Howard said he put that one sketch in the book that sounded brilliant to him. He said there's a sketch where this mother tells the kids to go to their room and don't have any monkey business. He said the kids go to their room and there are monkeys in there and they are working in there and they have to hide it from the mother. Howard said that sounded brilliant to him. He asked why that doesn't get on the air. Colin said tell Lorne. He said it went to dress rehearsal and he thought it was funny but it got cut. He said Shia LaBeouf was the host and he liked it. He said they staged it and did it. He said at some point the monkeys turn on him and they want to kill Shia off. He said then it trails off like a movie and you see the title Monkey Business.
Howard asked what happens when Lorne tells you that it's getting cut. He said it sounds like a great bit. He asked if there's anyone he can turn to. Colin said no. He said he was just a staff writer at the time. He said he doesn't want to go to the wall for that sketch. He said even now if a sketch gets cut he'll just say he liked that. He said he won't ask for them to please put it on the air. He said you can resubmit a sketch a few weeks later. He said that's a way of telling Lorne that you think it's a good sketch. He said there have been sketches that have made it on like that.
Howard said he can't imagine that writing room at Saturday Night Live. He said it must be crazy. He said there must be a lot of pressure. He said the Harvard Lampoon must have prepared him for that. He said it has to be brutal. Colin said it's super intimidating. He said they have photos of the great people on the wall who did it. He said Chevy Chase and Richard Pryor are in a photo together. He said you have to think it's okay not to lose your mind. He said you learn on the job and assume you'll have bad periods of time. He said when he started there were so many great writers. He said J.B. Smoove was a writer there. He said he's one of the funniest people in the world. He said one time he had to follow J.B. pitching an idea where you were raised under a helicopter so you walk like you're under the blades ducking and yelling. Colin said you're following people who are so funny.
Howard said J.B. told him he was great at pitching but he rarely got anything on the air. He said he has the greatest sketches ever. He said he wants to get them on somewhere. He said that's crazy that he didn't get them on the air. Colin said part of it is that you can have a great idea but you might have to build it out a bit. He said so many people have a great premise but it doesn't turn out right. He said sometimes the host loves them but you can't make a bit work. He said a guest might like it but they just can't work it into a whole sketch.
Howard asked Colin if he turns to someone and asks them to roll with it. Colin said sometimes yes. He said what he loves doing is taking an idea and helps write it with the person who pitched it. He said Keenan pitched an idea where it was ''Yo, Where In The World Is Jackie Chan At?'' He said as soon as he heard that he knew where to go with it. He said it's really satisfying to be able to help out with that and turn it into something.
Howard said there was a bit where Kristin Wiig was in a sketch with someone who lived in a lighthouse. Colin said that was The Rock. Howard said the guy turns out his light in his lighthouse and every time he does that a ship crashes. Howard asked where an idea comes from for that. Colin said his friend John Sullivan was a writer there. He said they went to Puerto Rico and there was an old lighthouse in the town and they saw it and he was just talking about who lives in lighthouses and what do they do in there. He said he wondered how you go on a date in a lighthouse. He said they started joking about it and then they wrote it down. He said they figured they could try it on the show. He said Dwayne loved the idea. He said they had salty sea captains who were stuck on the rocks out there. He said they had fun with that.
Howard said The Rock gets a say in what he likes and doesn't like. Colin said that if you're The Rock and you're the largest man in the world then you might have a say.
Howard asked if he has ever written a sketch that was so good but then you get a host that's not so great and ruins it. Howard asked if he's ever had that. Colin said yes. He said this is partially his fault too though. He said when Elton John hosted the show he had this idea where he would be Weird El like Weird Al but doing parodies of his own songs. He said you'd think you'd want to see that. He said he was so excited about it. Colin said one of the songs was ''Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me.'' He said they did the table read and Elton is reading it and he asked him to meet with him. He said Elton told him it wasn't funny. He said he apologized and he kept saying it wasn't funny. He said it should be but it's not funny. He said he agreed to read it but he didn't think it was funny. Colin said he put all of these references in the songs like Bobby Bonilla and the Mets for Benny and the Jets. He said that Elton John doesn't know who Bobby Bonilla is. He said he was an idiot for putting that in there. He said he'll basically never get to try that again.
Howard said Seth Meyers said Elton John tried to throw out every sketch on that show. He said he said the same thing as Colin.
Howard said Colin showed Seth the first draft of his book and Seth told him to leave some of the stories out. Howard said he'd love to read that first draft. Colin said there was nothing scandalous in there. He said it was more about people who didn't get a job on the show. He said Seth was doing that on a human empathy level. He said he didn't think he should mention some stuff that was negative in someone else's life.
Howard said Seth seems like a good guy. He said he read that he told Seth that he was going to be co-head writer and he had a funny comment for him. He said it seems like it has to be a lot of pressure to have people who are so funny all the time. He said it must be brutal working there. Colin said Seth is such a great man. He said anyone on the cast from that period will tell you that. He said he helped so many writers. He said he did better than anyone. He said it was very inspiring. He said Seth would be encouraging about things he didn't like. He said they were doing things that Seth didn't like but he was happy that they were doing them. He said that Andy Samberg would write something that didn't make sense and Seth wondered what he was doing but encouraged him to keep doing it.
Howard said he read that the head writer doesn't get more pay. Colin said that he didn't but some people might. He said the show doesn't have a giant budget so they can't keep going up. He said he hopes that Che got more pay but he didn't. Howard said he needs a better agent.
Howard said the other thing he talks about is the perfume ad sketch he did with Kristin Wiig. He said it's called Red Flag that warned women about men. He said that was great too. He said he had a lot of funny stuff that got on. Colin said he used to tell his friends when he'd get something on. He said eventually you don't even remember what you got on. He said that most people have no idea what he does.
Howard said the gig on Saturday Night Live is a great gig. He said it seems like people plot when they're going to leave from the first day they're on. He said he thinks that you can stay on there for 100 years and why not. He said it's always about when you're going to leave. Howard said it's like you're a loser if you stay too long to some people. Colin said a thing that Loren says that the people you ever loved on the show did things you loved the most when they were on Saturday Night Live. He said even if they went on to do other things you still love them from Saturday Night Live.
Howard said he's thinking about Bill Murray. He said his movies are great and he's a great actor but the first time he saw him on Saturday Night Live he made a big impact. He said Belushi too. He said he was great in Animal House but he was great as the Samurai guy. He said it really was the best. Colin said sometimes that's just people making their friends laugh when they come up with it. He said it's not structured in a movie. He said you're just trying to make people laugh for 4 minutes.
Howard said Colin wrote that Drunk Uncle bit for Bobby Moynihan. Colin said he wrote it with him. Howard asked how it came about. Colin said they had written this other one together that was like a second hand news guy. He said it was a guy who would hear about something and get all of the facts wrong. He said they wrote that together and it went well so grey wrote something else together. He said Bobby came up with the Drunk Uncle idea and then they went to bed and he woke up in the middle of the night with some ideas. He said Bobby had an incredible way of doing that character. He said it was super deep. He said that's one of the better character's they've had on the show. He said it's a whole crazy journey for an actor like that.
Howard said it has to be weird during COVID-19 to be a comedy writer. He said you don't have that think tank of people working as one brain. He said there would be no Drunk Uncle sketch during this time. Colin said here are things you can do but the spark of working in the same place as someone else is impossible.
Howard asked how he viewed Alec Baldwin doing Trump. He asked if it was good or bad for the cast. He asked if it hurts or helps the cast. Colin said he thinks about it. He said on one hand it helps the cast. He said Alec is good at it and people tune in to see it. He said the rest of the show there is more exposure for the rest of the cast. He said there is a balance there. He said if people come in it takes away air time from the cast. He said it takes away impactful air time at the beginning of the show. He said they get ratings and the ratings are averaged over an hour and a half. He said it's almost insane because people are sleeping by the time Update comes on. He said you want people watching what you do. He said it's also hard with Update because they might not want to cover something that was covered at the start of the show. Howard said he doesn't think he'd be that magnanimous. He said he'd probably be upset.
Howard said he felt bad for Colin about the horrible reviews he got when he started as the anchor on Weekend Update. He said every reviewer was panning him. He said he wanted to hug him. He said some of the best people who did it got panned. He said Norm MacDonald got panned and he got fired for not being funny. He said Colin's was particularly brutal. He said it must make you want to stop talking again. Colin said it did make him want to shut up again. He said it was the internet and they were the first people to start update during social media. He said he doesn't think they had that before. He said the headlines were about how they hated him. He said you'd look up something online like a spots score and you'd see how horrible they thought he was.
Howard said if there was social media when he started out he wouldn't have made it. He said they predict his end pretty quickly. Howard asked if he has to find someone who finds him funny. Colin said he read a lot of stuff at first. He said he had never done this before and he toured for so many years and it was a different thing. He said the audience had fun and he knew it. He said he had never done it on camera like this. He said it was brutal. He said it made him think that he was a bad human. He said he knows it's weird to say but that's how he felt. Colin said no one had ever had any judgment of him before and then everyone did. He said it felt really rough.
Howard asked if he felt embarrassed in front of the other cast members the following week. Colin said it's like you're working at McDonald's and then you come in and say you're going to be Ronald McDonald. He said then everyone is wondering why you're Ronald. He said then you're worried about losing your job at McDonald's and not being the best Ronald. He said he was drinking before shows and thinking he was losing his whole identity. He said he thought he was going to lose everything and be done. He said he felt humiliated in front of friends and those friends are producers and people like that. He said you think they're not going to like you and maybe resent you. He said you feel like you're losing your friends. He said it's really scary when people stop talking to you. He said some people did stop talking to him. He said it was in that show business way. He said people he worked with recommended people to replace him, to him. He said he was like ''fuck you'' and wondering what they were doing.
Howard said you need to have that swagger and then you start getting knocked for doing that job. He said that makes you see who your friends really are. He said it must have been a shitty part of his life. Colin said he didn't have that swagger when he started. He said he thinks that people thought he was over confident. He said they thought he had a smugness that he never thought about. He said he wondered how he came across to people because he had never thought about that before. He said there's such a disconnect there. He said he couldn't believe that people thought he was over confident because he thought he was the worst in the world at this.
Howard asked if he called anyone who had done it before to get their thoughts on it. Colin said no because he was too embarrassed. He said that he felt weird reaching out like that.
Colin said Bill Murray came by the offices once and he told them they had something there and they should keep working at it. He said that Bill gave him an suggestion to not tense up his mouth when he tells a joke. Colin said that was a great piece of advice. He said he didn't realize he was even doing that. He said it was great to hear that from someone like Bill Murray who he loved. Howard said he can see that fucking up his head.
Howard asked if he felt it affected his sketch writing. Colin said in the first year of the show he was doing warm up for the show. He said the rhythm of the show was crazy. He said he had to do a lot of changes in sketches and things like that and then he had to do Update. He said there was no time to settle. He said that he had zero time to do all of that. He said actors have time to settle and you need to do that. He said he had no time to do that. He said he stepped down as head writer for a year or two. He said he didn't tour or anything like that. He said he ended up just focusing on Update. He said he was so used to the other rhythm of the show so he had to do that to get back into it. He said now he can do the rest of it. He said he can spend all of his time doing the opening of the show but he still has to focus on Update.
Howard asked if he ever told Lorne he was going to give up the Update thing and go back to head writer. Colin said he did. He said he thought about leaving the show completely. He said he felt too humiliated to leave one part of the job and stay there. Howard asked how great it was for Lorne not to take that job from him. He said he must have known that it would be okay. Colin said he's very grateful for that time. He said he still thanks Lorne for that occasionally. He said he's also grateful for Che. He said he wouldn't have survived without him. He said Che helped him figure out what they should do. He said he was all in and he's extremely grateful for both of those things.
Howard asked Colin if he ever went to therapy. Colin said he did. He said he also started meditating. He said he would break down sobbing crying during meditating. He said he doesn't keep up on the meditation but he did for a while. He said the crying just came out during that time. He said he never lets emotion show but it came out in those moments. Howard said the Maharishi would talk about it and said that's just stress release. He said that he recommends Transcendental Meditation to people because he's been doing it since he was 18. He said he thinks it's a great tool for people who are creative. He said it's a tremendous release. He said it's almost a pressure valve.
Colin said that he rarely does Transcendental Meditation now but he stopped because he felt he needed the anxiety in his life to be creative. He said he's afraid of meditating regularly because he might lose that drive to be creative. Howard said he isn't a teacher of Transcendental Meditation but it has been said to him that if you're an Army General you're not going to become a pacifist. He said you'll be a better general. He said that's why he keeps up with it regularly. He said some people quit because they start to feel better. He said maybe that's why Colin quit. He said he thinks he should keep up with it. Colin said he should. He said the fact that he and Jerry Seinfeld did it shows that it can work. He said it doesn't numb your edge but that's what he felt.
Howard said he doesn't want to keep him too long because he doesn't want him to shit his pants.
Howard said he thinks Colin is engaged to Scarlett Johansson. He said that he was thinking that he would love to know their love story. He said it wasn't in the book but he was thinking it could ruin the book. He said the book was about how he succeeded in his career. He said he loved all of that part of his life. He said putting the Scarlett stuff in there might date the book. He said if she's just a passing thing in his life then it would date it. He said it might affect his relationships in the future. He said he thinks he did the right thing. Colin said that wasn't his thought process. He said he wanted to keep it not that. He said he didn't want some chapter about how we find love or anything like that. He said he wanted to keep it kind of clean and tell this story up until now. He said maybe in the future he'll tell the other story. He said he wanted this to stay clear of that.
Howard asked if Colin told Scarlett about why he was leaving her out. Colin said he did talk to her about it. He said she wasn't looking for that extra press either. He said she's a very private person and that's why it's sustainable. He said that's part of what attracts him to her. He said she may have been relieved that he wasn't crafting that chapter about their lives.
Howard said that it might be an aphrodisiac for some women to write about them. He said that she didn't want that. Colin said that it was a worry and the lucky thing is that his friends in the cast really liked her beyond her as a host. He said she's a great person. He said he worried about his identity with it and with comedy he was always worried about anything that wasn't comedy. He said he remembers going to the Mark Twain awards thing and Scarlett was there. He said that it was nice for his boss to demand that you go. He said you have to keep your own thing going and keep your lives separate in a way.
Howard said his wife did a TV show where she had to make out with a guy on the show. He said that he remembers the reaction he had to that. He said he was like he never wanted to see that ever again. He said it was fucked up and it fucked his head up. He said he's not sure if he was jealous or what. He said it's difficult to see someone kissing someone else even if it's acting. Colin said it hasn't really happened with him yet. Howard said Adam Driver with her in Marriage Story. Colin said he's not sure they kissed in that. Howard said you never know what can happen on a set. He said it's really hard. Colin said he'll have to push her into more animated stuff. Howard said even the Avengers stuff might be too much. Colin said maybe 10 years ago it would be devastating but he's at a point where he thinks if someone wants to be with someone else they're going to be together. He said you have to accept it. He said he's let go of some of that. Howard said he says that publicly too but it's all in his head.
Howard said he'd tell her not to do more love scenes due to COVID-19. He asked how he's doing during quarantine. He said he and Beth haven't' left the house in 4 months. He said they are really close. Colin said that he and Scarlett are the same way. He said they hadn't spent more than a week together in the same place. He said it's been great though. He said they're engaged but this is more marriage than going through a wedding. He said they're into this groove and it's been great.
Howard asked if he's been doing his share of the work. Colin said he is cleaning with some needed motivation. Howard asked if they use cleaning people eat all. Colin occasionally. He said they do a deep clean in a careful way. He said he's a messy person and she's a neat person so he's getting better at that and trying hard at it.
Howard said he was thinking about how actors are better on Saturday Night Live than comedians sometimes. He said he was thinking that about Scarlett. He said sketches are really an acting thing. Colin said he thinks that's true. He said they can do both so well. He said you want some of the scenes to have real drama or real acting. He said he thinks that's why it works. He said Matt Damon is a great actor and a great comedic actor. He said the way he yells is funny. He said it's not easy to yell and be funny. He said Will Ferrell can do it and Chris Farley too. He said Matt Damon is good at it.
Howard said the one guy who was really great on the show was Bill Hader. He said Dan Aykroyd was a great utility player on Saturday Night Live. He said he could do it all. He said he had a great humility about him. He said Hader is so great when he did that Vietnam vet puppet sketch.
Howard asked if Colin ever gets jealous of a great sketch like that. Colin said he does. He said that his friend Rob Klein wrote that with Zach Canan. He said that sketch is perfect. He said it was such a great episode when Bill came back to do the show. He said Bill is so good at deep impressions and he can play a straight man too. He said he admires it when someone can do it that well. Howard said it has to be a great loss when someone like that leaves the show. Colin said you're happy he found success on another level but you do miss them. He said you don't take people for granted but you do miss them.
Howard asked if he's going to leave after this season. Colin said he doesn't know. He said he's not sure. He said the COVID stuff has affected how he feels about it. He said being away from people that make you laugh in that way for this long really makes you appreciative. He said it's the job and the routine of being at work. He said you have to run into people in the hallway there. He said you have to be with people you love. He said in L.A. you might go months without seeing people like that. He said it's great to have a job like that.
Howard said he's got a great book and it's great that he can write something like that at his age. He said he really loved the honesty in the book. He said he had him laughing a lot. He said there were so many great stories in there. He said one was about hosting the Emmys. He said he should have said no to the Emmys. He said they wouldn't let him do what he wanted to do. He said he describes it as a bit of a diaster. He said he pitched a lot of funny stuff but they weren't interested in that. Howard asked if he ever thought about just walking away. Colin said grey didn't have the confidence or status to make decisions like that. He said they felt like they were hanging on. He said they had the attitude of ''Thanks for having us.'' He said Che was so much smarter about it. He said he wasn't sure about doing it. He said Che said he never dreamed of hosting the Emmys. Colin said he convinced him to go along with it. He said it's hard to make something like that your own.
Howard gave Colin a plug for his book A Very Punchable Face: A Memoir and congratulated him on that. He thanked him for coming on today. Colin said he's so grateful that he read it and liked it. He said he'll come on any hour of any day. Howard said he's sorry he kept him so long. He said he probably has to go to the bathroom. Colin said he does. Robin asked him to stand up to show his pants to see if he made a mess in them. Howard said if he ever does shit his pants again he should come on and tell the story. Colin said he will because no one else is giving him that offer. Howard let him go after that.
Robin said it's so funny he had more than one story about shitting his pants. Howard said he's probably shit his pants like 100 times in his life.
Howard said the critics were really brutal about him when he started Weekend Update. He said that was really tough for him. He said Bill Murray was the loosest guy on the show. He said it looked like he didn't care. He said it was remarkable. He said Colin's book is really good. Robin said it sounds like a tutorial for what you should do.
Howard said Colin tried out for the Harvard Lampoon and kept getting rejected. He said that's crazy. He said he didn't even get into it about how he had to re-audition to get his job back on Saturday Night Live. He said he spells all of that out in the book. He said he also talks about the sketches he wrote on Saturday Night Live that you don't know about.
Howard said he didn't realize how long they went. He said he kept Colin on way longer than he thought. He said he can take a break and get to some calls and a few more things. He said he has a lot of stuff to get to. Howard said he was looking forward to Colin Jost. He said he didn't disappoint. Howard got in a plug for Peacock who sponsored the show today. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that they have this cool thing the TV guys came up with for cast members who were on Saturday Night Live. He said it's all of these guys talking about being anchors on Weekend Update. He said you should check it out on the app.
Howard said he should take some calls. He said they've been busy this week. He said a lot of people wrote in about the circumcision stuff. He said people wrote in about Jim Carrey. He read some of those comments about Jim.
Howard said a lot of people liked Future Robin on the show. He read some of those comments from the people who enjoyed that bit. Someone asked for that to happen every week.
Howard read some of the comments they got about the circumcision conversation grey had yesterday. He said a lot of people wrote on about Sal's penis since that came up too. Howard read a bunch of comments about his unusual looking foreskin.
Howard said Sal wanted to play a game today with his foreskin. He said he wants them to guess how many pennies he can fit in his foreskin pouch. Sal said they're in already. Howard asked if it concerns him that they're handled by people and he's putting them inside his penis. Sal said it's worth the risk. He said he doesn't give a shit. Howard asked him to move so they can see it. Sal showed what he had going on and Gary said that lump on the side is the pennies.
Howard had Robin guess how many are in there. Robin said 20. Howard said they're pretty big and that's a lot. He said maybe they'll ask others how many are in there. He asked Gary how many he's going with. Gary said he's going off of what a roll looks like. He said he thinks it's 26.
Howard said the maximum amount is 50. He said he has to believe that this is the worst thing to ever happen to Abraham Lincoln's image. Sal said he hopes his kids don't come downstairs. Robin asked if it hurts at all. Sal said this thing has been dead for years so it doesn't feel a thing. Howard asked if he's worried about infection. Sal said he washed the pennies. Gary said he's worried about them going back out into circulation. Sal said Gary's feet are already infected. Gary said he doesn't' carry coins with his feet.
Howard asked Fred how many pennies he thinks are in there. Fred said he's going with 15 max. Howard asked how many he can fit in his. Fred said he has never thought about sticking anything in there.
Howard went to Chris Wilding next. He said he's been around more penises than anyone there. Chris said that it's an incredible skill he has. He said he's going with all 50.
Howard said he has seen Sal stick other things in there. He said there were quite a few. He said he can't imagine he has more than 7 but he's going with 10. He said this is insane. He said he fit a dreidel and a nut cracker in there. He said he's sticking with 10.
Howard asked if Richard wants to guess. Gary said he shouldn't be allowed to play. Richard said they have all put something in Sal's cock at some point. Howard said only Richard has. He asked if that's an unfair advantage. Richard didn't think so. Howard asked him how many he thinks are in there. Richard said 32. He said it's very stretchy.
Howard said the only other person to guess is Benjy. He said he had his hand around Sal's cock one time. Benjy said he's going to go with all 50.
Howard ran down the numbers everyone gave. He asked Sal how many are in there. Sal let all of the pennies fall out. Howard asked how it feels now. Sal said it's itchy. He said he had 21 in there. Robin said she won. Howard said those pennies will be sent to her home. Robin said no thank you. Sal said Robin won his dick flop pants. Howard said Sal was peeling back his foreskin there and he wondered what was going on there. Sal said it was just his foreskin. He said he may have been able to fit one more in there but it would have been tough. He said it was fairly easy to get them in and not back out. Howard asked if his car keys popped out too. Sal laughed.
The caller asked what he thinks about Bubba the Love Sponge being on AM radio. Howard said that's not a bad thing. He said a lot of AM stations have talk stations. The caller said it's only in Detroit. Howard asked if he's laughing because he thinks it's a bad thing. The caller said Bubba also said he's the King of All Media. Howard said the radio industry is so fucked up right now that it's hard to have a job. He said he likes Bubba so what can he tell him.
The caller asked what about it being on AM in Detroit. Howard said he's not sure what this guy is thinking. The caller said he was on satellite and went from that to being a podcaster to being on AM radio. Howard asked if he thinks Bubba should be embarrassed to be on AM radio. Howard said Rush Limbaugh is on AM radio. He said he's successful. He said if you have an impact on ratings then you can make a lot of money. He said one of the most listened to stations in New York City is 1010 WINS. He said that's an AM station. He said he has nothing bad to say about it. The caller asked if Bubba talked to him about his move to AM. Howard said he did email with Bubba during vacation and Bubba said that he was mailing him something. He said they didn't talk about this whole thing.
Howard got back to Sal and Robin was saying that she feels ripped off that she won but she's not getting a prize.
Howard asked Chris if he's still gay after seeing this. Chris said that it's embarrassing. He said it gives a bad name to the uncircumcised. Sal said it makes people proud to be uncircumcised.
Howard said the rest of the email was about Memet's Turbie Twist. He read some of that feedback. He had a bunch about that Turbie Twist thing.
Howard said people wrote in about Gary's upcoming knee surgery. He said people were upset about that. He read some of the comments in support of Gary. Howard said one guy suggested getting both of them done at the same time. Gary said that's too much.
Gary said that people keep telling him he'll be fine but he knows people who have gone in for less and didn't come out of it. He said he's going to tell Mary where all of the passwords and things are. Robin said she had major surgery and she didn't even do that.
Howard said Gary also described how he was taking Cymbalta for depression. He said that he thinks that his knee pain may come from something other than what he thinks. Gary said the national arthritis foundation recommends that medication. Howard said the fact that it works is interesting. Howard read some feedback about Gary taking Cymbalta and having explosive orgasms. He said people were disgusted by that. Gary said that Mary doesn't even know that they're explosive. He said that's because he's exploding into tissues.
Howard said Michael Rapaport left a message for Gary after hearing about the knee surgery. He said he was taking some vicious shots at Gary in the voicemail. He played some clips of Rapaport going after Gary and goofing on him about being a monkey. He said his doctor should replace his knee caps with his giant teeth. Howard said that was vicious. Howard asked Sal if he helped him out with that. Sal said he did not but he was very impressed.
Howard said he remembers calling Joan Rivers before her last surgery and he told her she'd be fine. He said Gary will be fine too.
Howard said Robin took a hit on the virtual wine tasting thing. He said people really came down on her for that. He read some comments about that craziness.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to get the word out about a Army soldier named Vanessa Guillen whose body was found dismembered. He said no one is talking about her and he wanted to get the word out. Howard said he's not sure what the story is there so he feels weird making a comment. Robin said it took a long time to find her. She said they're not sure what happened to her but they questioned one guy who killed himself after that so they're investigating what's going on there. The caller said it sounds like the whole unit is trying to cover it up. He said if you want to learn about the rights of the soldiers being fucked up then read this thing called A Soldier's Home by Matthew R. Goober. He said you'll find out why we have to help our soldiers.
Howard said nothing has been done for our service members. He said everyone talks a good game but they aren't doing jack shit. The caller said that the soldier's lives are turned over more than anyone's thanks to what's going on now. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he once stole an ambulance in Las Vegas. He said it was because of the Ambien he was taking at the time. He said this was back in 2017. He said he went to get off of another drug and they gave him Ambien there. He said he had filled the script and he had a few drinks and the next thing he knew he was in a hospital in northern Las Vegas. He said he was in the hospital and they gave him a pain pill for the pain he had after he got shot. He said about 5 or 6 minutes later he got up and decided to leave the hospital. He said he walked outside and outside there was a running and locked ambulance in the parking lot. He said he was going to do whatever he had to do to get back home. He said he got in the ambulance and looked for more stuff to take to do the drive. He said a few minutes later he took off from the hospital. He said the Stratosphere looks like the airport so he headed that way and it was the wrong way. He said he sees a sign for beer cheese fries and he had to try them now. He said he pulls over and goes there. Howard said he's all over the place. The caller, Richard, said that he is a jazz pianist and that's how his life is. He said it's all improvisation.
Richard said the next thing he knows the cops have him surrounded. He said they tackle him and take him to jail. He said he tells them that he was former KGB and if they don't release him the whole United States will collapse. He said they didn't like that. He said the put a spit mask on him and kept him there about 30 minutes to simmer down. He said then they say they're going to get him help and they transferred him to a psychiatric facility. He said he got out bail free and went to that ward for about a week. He said then the story made news. He said the treatment center was willing to take him back so that's what he did and he got off of all of the charges.
Howard said he's not sure where to comment on this. He said he's been able to avoid all of this stuff by not drinking with Ambien and all of that. He said he doesn't have this craziness in his life. He said he did take Ambien at times but he decided that he didn't need it. He said that he doesn't care if he doesn't get to sleep.
Howard said he's not sure what to tell Richard. Robin asked if things are better now for him. Richard said they have gone up and down but things are somewhat good now.
Howard thanked Richard for the call. He said he's not sure what to say about this. Robin said he's totally out of control. Richard said he has had those beer cheese fries so he gets it.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he was checking out Peacock and it's great and free. He said they have a lot of great stuff on it. Howard said he'll check it out. Ralph said it's on Apple TV. Howard said he doesn't know how these things work because of his AV system. He said his Apple TV has to be rebooted every night. Ralph said that's ridiculous. He said his Apple TV goes through 3 things, that's the problem. Howard said he's had it with this. He said it's a whole thing every time he uses his TV. Howard went through the problems he has with it.
Ralph asked if he has one TV where he spends most of his time. Howard said yes. Ralph said he should have one extra Apple TV on an extra input to be a fail safe. Howard asked why he cant find someone who can do that for him. He said the guy who put in this system says he has an old system. Gary said Howard has to do it himself. Gary said that it's very easy to set it up. Robin said it's not as easy as you think.
Jason said they skipped a bunch of steps there. He said if you have an Apple TV it won't be set up with your sound system. Ralph said his TV works every time. He said he put it all in and it all works. Howard said he's jealous. He said he talks to Gary and he can set it all up no problem. Gary said he has Apple TV, Roku and the Amazon Fire Box (Cube). He said you can talk to it and it switches everything for you.
Howard said he makes more money than Gary and he knows that for a fact. He asked how he has all of that. Gary said they're like 99 bucks and 50 bucks. He said it's not expensive.
Gary said he can talk to his system and ask it to show him the camera in his driveway and he can even talk to his kids out there. Howard said if he's such a genius then come over and set something up for him. Gary said that system he has is so complicated that it seems like it was created to give them more work. Howard said he tells this guy it doesn't work and he has a lot of ''that's because...'' He said there's too much because. He said it's a nightmare.
Howard said don't charge money for something that doesn't work. He said he has to pay for it to be fixed all the time. He let Ralph go and said he just upset him about that.
Robin said her's is complicated too. She had to have someone come over to reboot her system too. Howard said he has to call this person to get his system rebooted too. He said he finally asked how the fuck this person was rebooting it. He said he had it on his phone and he asked him to give that to him so he can do it himself. Robin said she should be able to do her's too.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing a song that was so loud he could barely be heard. Howard did his Steve Langford impression saying ''Sour... Sour...'' He eventually hung up on him. He said he is a weirdo. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:55am.