Howard started the show wishing every father out there a happy father's day. He said he's not going out to parties and socializing like all of his friends. He said he Zoomed with his 3 daughters for Father's day. Robin said she figured that's what he'd be doing. Robin asked if they would be allowed in his house. Howard said they were talking about that and they wouldn't let him in their houses. He said his kids make sense.
Howard asked if Robin hears that noise. Robin said she has fans blowing. Howard said she might have to turn those off. Robin said she'll do that. Howard said maybe it's there where he is. He said he thinks it's him and not her. The A/C vent was blowing in there. He said he has to go turn it off.
Howard said the microphones are so sensitive that they pick it up. He said it might get too hot in there. Robin said that's why she had her fans on. Howard asked if she can hear that. Gary said he can't hear anything. Howard said it's driving him nuts. Robin said it might be those headphones he has. Howard said he hears everything that happens on this show. He said it's off now. Howard said now he'll be hot.
Robin asked if he can see this. She had an article in the Daily News that she wrote with someone else. Howard said he looks forward to learning from her. Howard asked if anyone gets the newspaper anymore. Robin said she has Dennis picking up some papers because that's in there but she hasn't been getting it lately.
Howard said he used to go out and buy the paper if there was something nice about him in them but he ended up throwing them all away. He said he had a warehouse full of stuff and now he throws it all out. He said it seems important to keep at the time but then he found that it's not important to keep.
Howard said he was archiving stuff and then he would go overboard and get 5 copies of the papers. He said he does the same with things like shoes he likes. He said he buys too much of things he likes. He said he cuts an article out and archives it and then there are 9 other copies sitting around. He said they're backup copies but you find that you have too many. Robin said she has copies of old magazines he was in. She said she was moving 2 years ago and found a box with a Rolling Stone that he was on the cover of. Howard said he has 25 of those. Robin said if you need one she's got one.
Howard said Jason has a rundown of the stuff they have gone through in his storage. Jason said they're almost done going through it. He said they're deciding what to throw away and what to keep. He said well over 90 percent of it has ended up in the garbage pile. Howard asked if they have thrown it out yet. Jason said they haven't yet because it's just on paper right now.
Howard said he's paying to save that stuff right now. Robin said he's a hoarder. Howard said he is. He said he thought he was stealth but he bought an apartment sized storage space. He said he had an idea to have a museum for the show some day but then he thought about it and he figured he was delusional. He said he figured they had to be the archivists and keeper of this stuff. He said he looks back about how ridiculous it was. He said they have warehouses full of shit now.
Howard said at one point they figured they had to have air conditioning and have it all in archival boxes and stuff like that. He said it's all in there. Jason said it's all numbered and organized. Howard said years ago in the 80s he hired a woman to set up an archival system for him. He said it wasn't just a poster from Private Parts, it was 50 copies. He said it's all going to go in the garbage now. Robin said it's still sitting there. Howard said the plan is to get it in the garbage.
Robin asked why they can't throw it out. Jason said before COVID he was supposed to go look at it but he's not sure if he can even get in there right now. Howard said put on a HazMat suit and go in there. Jason said whatever he wants. Howard said they have it all very well organized.
Jason said they have Miss America danglers and does he want to guess how many they have. He said it was promotional things. Howard said he would say there are 1000. Jason said they have at least 735. He said they come up one at a time and not in a group of 735. Howard said he knows what happened there. He said each of those danglers has its own apartment in the storage unit. He said it's irritating him that he has to pay to store that stuff. Howard said he's saying that you don't want this stuff. He said no one wants it. He said he has 700 of them because he figured that they would run out and no one would have them.
Jason said he keeps old calendars that they've gotten over the years. He said they were from various years from 1998 and on. Howard said he doesn't want to make the decisions about that stuff. He said if someone sent him a signed calendar they threw it in the archive. He said it's another word for garbage pail.
Jason said he has things to ask him about. Howard said just throw them out. He said he doesn't care what it is. He asked what they are. Jason asked about the 1995 MAD Magazine where he's on the cover. Howard asked if it's the actual magazine. Howard said he's the wrong one to ask about that. He said that he has to do the Marie Kondo thing and ask if it makes him happy. Howard said it was a thrill to be on the cover. He said the magazine has sat in a storage facility for probably 20 years. Howard said he has to do the math to figure out how long it's been in there. Jason said he thinks it's 25 years.
Howard said if it's one copy of the magazine with him on the cover. Jason said that he has it digitized so this would be the physical copy. Howard said he thinks he should keep it.
Jason asked about a flag that was flown above the US embassy in Iran in 1997. Howard said they can't throw the flag away. He said don't keep it though. He said give it to a Bobo type who would appreciate it. Robin asked if it's in a box or something. Jason said he might have a picture. He said he thinks it's in a thing that's in the shape of a triangle. He said it comes with a certificate of authenticity.
Jason said people have named stars after Howard and he had a whole pile of those saved. He said those got thrown out. He said they have a bunch of Soupy Sales stuff that he's had for years. Howard talked about the stuff that Jason mentioned and there was a Soupy Sales Society Button. Howard said it was huge. He said he wore that as a kid. He said he's going to say that they should just throw it all out. He said offer it to Soupy's son. He said he was jealous of Soupy's son growing up.
Gary said there is something in the archive that is very valuable. He said it's the dumbest thing in the world but someone sent umbrellas with the fist logo on them. He said the umbrellas are the best. He said as soon as you walk inside it's dry. He said that he would like those. Howard jokingly said those are the most important things in the archive to him. He said they can throw them out or give them away. Howard said he doesn't remember them at all. Will said he left his on a train and it was the worst day of his life. He said they're great.
Howard said over the years with the success of the show they would have people get in touch with him and they wanted to get into business with him. He said he said no to everything. He said he said no to t-shirts and umbrellas, chairs and more. He said his agent thought that was ridiculous to get into. He said he thought that some fans might want a t-shirt but his agent said no. He said the few bucks you make are not worth it. He said he had integrity. He said he's sure that he'll go down in history for that integrity. He said that there were not items on the market. He said they'd get samples like this umbrella. He said that he would keep some in the archive and give some out to the guys. He told the guys they can have those umbrellas.
Gary said over the weekend Kurt Cobain's guitar sold for $6 million. He asked if he worries that something he has will be that valuable. Howard said no.
Robin said she went to a David Bowie exhibit and saw sketches that he made of his costumes and things like that. She said they were fascinating to see. Howard said he's not that important. He said no one cares about radio performers. He said his microphone isn't going for $6 million. He said it might go for $6.
Howard said he has saved things over the years but it's all garbage. Robin said Yoko was saving stuff that John Lennon had. Howard said he knows that but his stuff is all useless.
Jason said they do have an empty water bottle from the Howard Stern Film Festival. Howard said throw that out.
Howard said he played Elvis with shit in his pants and he thinks he has that costume. He said no one wants that. He said throw it out.
Jason said there's something from Howard's childhood that's a red egg with a Godzilla in it. He said no one knows where it came from or what it's from. Howard said throw it out. Howard said it looks like something someone sent him and they threw it in there. He said throw that out.
Howard said just throw everything out. He said take the egg and shove it up Ronnie's ass. He said this was all a big mistake.
Gary said they had something in Howard's office for years. He said when Steve Nowicki was a fan he sent a diorama of the studio. Howard said throw it out. He said Steve made this diorama of the studio and it was beautiful. Gary said he was so obsessed with the show that he researched the microphone to make sure it was right. He said it was the ramblings of a mad man but it's amazing to look at. Howard said throw it out or give it to Steve.
Howard asked where Steve is. He asked what's wrong with him. Steve said he was a huge fan of the show and wanted to find a way in and that kind of worked out. He said they can throw it out. Gary asked about the details he told him about. Steve said that it was set up to the 2012 studio and he had the right microphone in it and the right color walls and all of that. Howard said he doesn't even know what kind of microphone he uses. Steve knew it and said he's still using that same microphone today.
Howard asked Steve about the different microphones he's used over the years. Steve went through the history and told him about using them upside down and right side up and all of that. Robin said Howard should be afraid of him. Howard said that is scary detail.
Howard said he should offer this stuff up to Steve. He said he might appreciate it. Steve said he'll take any gear they have. Howard said he has warehouses full of this shit. Steve said he would put it in his apartment and stare at it. He said if he has radio equipment and desks that he can use he'll take it. He said he can fit some of that stuff in his apartment.
Howard said he can have all of this junk. He said he'll back up the truck. He said it's crazy what he's paying to store this stuff.
Jason said that the video storage takes up the space of 3 Costco aisles alone. Howard said it turns out that this stuff is not valuable. He said it's the stuff you don't save that's valuable.
Gary said he was cleaning his house and found a box of 50 video tapes of behind the scenes stuff from Private Parts. He said that he mailed that to him and now they have it. Howard said that's something worthwhile. He said it would be interesting to him and maybe seeing a documentary about it. Gary said it's been in his basement for 25 years. He said he actually had it in his attic. He said he watched them 25 years ago and submitted notes on it. He said that he just kept them. He said when he moved he kept taking them with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he doesn't auction this stuff off and give the money to charity. Howard said he doesn't think it's worth the time and money. He said if someone has a problem with this stuff he gets the blame. He said he's not going to deal with that.
Howard said he doesn't want to be in the sales business. He said he just wants this stuff out of his life. He said he's been paying for this stuff for years and years. He said he has over 700 danglers that he doesn't need. He said he could have kept just one.
Robin said when you have a garage sale things are sold as-is. Howard said he's going to have a big sale and then the newspaper calls asking what it sold for. He said the headline will be that the danglers sold for 3 cents and he's a washed up fucking radio guy. He said he doesn't want to be that guy.
Howard said he'll give this stuff to this guy for free. The caller asked if he can have the Private Parts shit. Jason said they have 16 sleeves of Private Parts cups. The caller said he will take that. Howard said he doesn't want to tie up the staff giving him the cups. He said a month from now he'll hear from him saying that they never sent the cups. He said he's so tired of everyone that he doesn't want to do something nice. Howard said he doesn't want thee people in his life. He said he wants all of this stuff burned.
Gary said they can hire a company to come in and handle all of this. Howard said he doesn't want to pay another 10 cents to store this stuff. He said he doesn't want to hear what it sold for and see articles about it. He said he doesn't want to be evaluated monetarily.
The caller said he should do it for the animal shelters out there. Jason said that it would cost Howard between $300 and $400 to have the archive company to go in and get it. Howard said they have a special individual who has to go in and get it. He said they have to be licensed to do that. He said this person has to be bonded and they have to go in and get it. Howard said it's going to cost him like $500 to give this guy paper cups. He said he's done and that's it.
The caller said if the Beatles did this Howard would buy it all. Howard said he's not going to give it out. He said they're going to throw it all away.
Jason said they look at this as if it's worth it and also see that he has to pay to keep it. He said he has an autographed image of a water skiing squirrel from America's Got Talent. He said Howard is paying for that. Howard said he has to explain that. He said if someone hands him something it goes to the archives. He said he was shooting America's Got Talent and they had to wait for the sun to go down to shoot this show. He said he didn't want to be there. He said the audience knew they weren't going out there at night. He said they could say that it was pre-taped but they had to shoot it at night. He said he had to sit there waiting for a squirrel to water ski. He said he would have given it the prize right then just to be able to go home. He said his whole life was ticking away. He said he has a wife and children and hobbies. He said he was there with Heidi, Howie and Mel and waiting for a squirrel to water ski.
Howard said he remembers the squirrel coming out and looking at his watch so he could get out of there. He said he just wanted to go home and get out of there. He said he was going to sit through one take and not more. He said the squirrel did the water ski thing and it was pretty good. He said he put it through. He said if he can water ski he has a shot to win. He said then he thought about how he has to sit outside to see it perform every time. He said it's going to do the same thing every week. He said it's almost impossible to get near these things. He said if you can train a squirrel to get on a pair of skis that animal should win the show.
Howard said he was thinking about how Heidi didn't even have an act and she had no business judging the squirrel. He said he remembers going home and seeing that the average life span of a squirrel is a year or something. Robin said that can't be. Howard said it was something like 12 months. He said the act lasted like 40 years and they had many Twiggys.
Howard said he went on and said this was a fabulous act with the squirrel. He said he wanted to put him through to the next level. Robin said they say that they live 5-10 years. Howard said he remembers reading up on it and he was impressed with the squirrel.
Howard said the owner of the squirrel sent him that photo. He said when he gets that stuff the staff saves it and it goes right into the archives. He said he's paying to house that stuff. He said it was boxed in archival material and put into an air conditioned room. Jason said it has numbers and notes and dates on it. Howard said he has to pay people to archive it and give it numbers and all of that. He said they're adults wasting their lives with this stuff. He said the bottom line is that they should throw that stuff out.
Howard said he has to take a break and then talk to Charlize Theron. He said she has a new movie out that's great. He said he has to talk to her about that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he loves Van Halen and loves Charlize Theron. He said look at her. Charlize was on video and said she's so bad with these Zoom things and she doesn't know when she's on or not. She said she apologizes for anything.
Charlize asked how he's doing. Howard said he's a recluse anyway. He said he's been quarantines most of his life. He said it's not all that different. Charlize asked how Robin is doing. Robin said she had to quarantine when she was on Chemo so he got used to it a while ago. Charlize said they're pros at this.
Howard said all of their friends are getting together and having parties. He asked how Charlize is approaching this. Charlize said this goes without saying because the loss and pain is horrible. She said that she was looking for some time home and she had gone on that award cycle and it was 3-4 months of trying to get her movie out into the world. She said she just wanted to be home and not go anywhere for a while. She said she wanted to see her kids and then this thing happened. Robin said it's all her fault. Charlize said she was just thinking that so she apologizes.
Howard asked if she prayed to god for that. Charlize said he knows she doesn't pray to god for that. Howard asked who she does pray to. Charlize said she will say prayers to humanity at times. She said she sees how people behave and she sends out those prayers.
Howard said it doesn't seem that big a sacrifice to wear masks but people won't wear them. Charlize said she never understood people who would say they are sick and then put their hand out to shake it. She said she agrees with Howard on this. She said that it's like a puffing of the chest that our President is engaging in out there in the outside world. She said we have information that can keep people safe and it's infuriating. She said that it's an unnecessary amount of infections. She said we should be thinking about a lot of stuff like that right now.
Howard asked if it's a super bummer to have to wear a mask when you have a face like she does. He said that she's so beautiful that it's a shame to have to wear a mask. He said he looks better in a mask than he's ever looked. Charlize laughed. She said he has put a lot of thought into it. She said she wants to keep herself and everyone else safe so that's why she wears a mask.
Charlize said that she's hearing people complaining about wearing a mask for a short time while doctors and nurses are wearing them 24 hours a day. She said you can wear one to the grocery store. Howard said they say if everyone wears a mask it drops down the spread by 85 percent.
Howard and Charlize talked about why Trump is doing what he's doing by not wearing mask. Howard said he really doesn't know why he's doing it but maybe it's because of the election.
Howard said he was thinking about Charlize's life. He said he felt bad for her. He said he saw in the paper or somewhere that she went out food shopping. He said there were ton of Paparazzi photos of her. He said that it must be tough when every move is under s scrutiny. Charlize said her life is very hard. She said that she knows which photo it was. She said she bought a bunch of sugar drinks and it was to shut her kids up during this period. She said it was a bunch of sodas and things that she had purchased.
Howard asked if she is aware that she's being photographed so much. He asked if one would be enough. She said she wishes that they had that kind of common sense. she said it's all so stupid that they care. She said that her kids are going to adopt that kind of attitude as well. She said her kids will see people taking pictures and they'll point it out to her. she said they just get through it.
Howard said he's very private and he would hate having that around him all the time. He said he isn't ready to be scrutinized like that. He said he would be very pained by all of that. Charlize said he should let all of that go. She said when the kids are in school they get up around 5:40 to get ready for school. She said that she remembers being in a nail place or something and there was a tabloid laying there and it had a picture of Gwen Stefani with her kids getting on the bus. She said she was hugging her son and next to her was a photo of her in sweat pants with the label still hanging on them. She said that people must know that they're just regular people trying to make a bus. Howard said it's not because people are commenting on her clothes and all of that.
Howard said she must go crazy over this stuff. Charlize said she really doesn't. She said she can switch it off. She said that just talking about them gives them a hard on. She said they should just forget about them. She said the whole idea of the whole thing is just so stupid.
Howard said he figured that this would keep them from taking photos of people like Charlize. He said it hasn't stopped though. Charlize said that it's funny that they're following her to Whole Foods now. She laughed.
Howard asked if Charlize is in lock down with her two kids. Charlize said it's her mom too. She said her mom lives just a couple of blocks away. Howard asked if that's it and she has no one else in the house. Charlize it is. She said it was interesting because she had to do laundry and clean the house up. She said that her kids have to help out too. She said the kids now know how to fold their socks up and all of that. She said she has so many photos of her kids working around the house now. She said grey can load a dishwasher perfectly too.
Robin said their home schooling is doing chores. Charlize said that's a great thing to know how to do. She said that's what they've been learning to do.
Howard said he and Beth keep the place clean and they get on each other's nerves when they make a mess. Howard said he cleaned his bathroom and he was so upset that he had to dirty up his sink by washing his hands in the clean sink.
Charlize asked if he has OCD. Howard said he does. He said it's terrible OCD. Charlize asked if it has gotten worse with this. Howard said it has. He said he can't get out of it and it's the worst thing in the world. He said it's torture. He said he's so paranoid about touching things. He asked how she's doing. Charlize said this is the worst thing to do to people with OCD. She said she's doing better now but she went through a period where she was overly concerned about things. Charlize said she thinks that she might need some help because she thinks you can't touch anything. She said she won't touch anything now. She said she turns lights on with her elbows. She said she tells the kids not to touch anything.
Howard said he ordered a box from Turkey to put his art supplies in. He said he had the thing sitting in the garage for a week. He said his wife wiped it down when it came in and he still won't go near it for a week. He said it's crazy. Charlize said Beth is a saint. Howard said she has no idea.
Howard asked if Charlize got a hair cut. Charlize said it was actually really short and now it's growing back and getting long again. She said her kids don't want to see her with the short hair again.
Howard said that Betrayal of Megyn Kelly (Bombshell) was insane. He said there were times that he thought she looked like Megyn Kelly. He said that she really had it down. He said it was an incredible performance. He asked how mad she is at Renee Zellweger for beating her. Charlize said she's so angry. She told Howard to stop it. She said that she feels that Howard isn't a bullshitter and she takes that to heart. Howard said that performance was mind blowing.
Howard said when she prepares for that part she must have to watch thousands of hours to get it down. He said it's a tough role to get. He said that everyone knows what she looks and sounds like. He said to pull it off it has to be perfect. Charlize said to her if you're going to tackle those stories you have to get the voice down. She said that the sound was the thing for her. She said she was reading it in her own voice and there was no magic in it. She said Jay Roach had her figure it out for herself. She said Jay was so supportive during the whole thing. She said her job is sort of all about OCD. She said you're either in the gym 5 hours a day learning a fight skill or you're listening to someone's voice for 5 hours a day to get into the cadence of their speech. She said she loves doing that. She said she would have her on in the car and drive around talking over her.
Howard said he compares it to painting. He said you can give up the painting or you can push through it to make it perfect. He said that's the difference between good and great actors. He said you don't give up on every little detail. Charlize said there is a switch in her brain that tells her if she should not do something if she's not going to be able to do it 100 percent.
Howard asked if she ever thinks about giving up on a part. Charlize said that not every part is going to be exact. She said that it's not a documentary. She said that some days are a lot harder than others. She said it can be demoralizing. She said that you have the idea that you can do it. She said she worked with this incredible voice coach on that show and she had a really bad day. She said that she wasn't able to find the sound that day. She said the voice coach left and left a note on her table that said ''Your inner/outer Megyn Kelly is still here just around the corner.'' She said that's the shit that gets you through the day.
Charlize said she was panicking because she busted a vocal chord trying to get it right. She said she was panicking because time was running out and she was relying on her body to get it right. She said if you can't control it then you freak out a little bit.
Howard asked about how she damaged her vocal chord. Charlize said she strained it and she had to go on vocal rest after that. Howard said he has known actors who have had to do that and they suck everyone into it.
Howard said he has had paranoia about his voice during this career. He said it becomes an obsession. He said that's the instrument you use to make a living. He said it can make you crazy.
Charlize asked if they remember hearing their voice for the first time on a voice recording. Howard said he does. Charlize said she didn't have a radio show but she heard her voice back on a recording and she was blown away. She said she's not sure how people listen to it. Howard said Charlize has a nice voice. He said he understands what she's talking about though. He said he hated the way he sounded when he got on radio. He said he was looking for a sound and it was hard to find. He said you don't hear what other people hear.
Charlize said she would love to have Robin's voice. Howard said he loves her voice. He said she sounds so professional. Robin said he never told her that.
Howard said he thinks that Charlize would have liked the Academy Award if she had won it. He asked if she wanted to get up and scream when Renee Zellweger won. Charlize said that movie was great. She said that it's never felt that way to her. She said that it's not that big of a deal to win or not. She said there's a part of her that thinks that she shouldn't even be there. She said she feels very lucky to be able to go there as one of four women there. She said that she's a jaded bitch with a lot of things but with that she's super grateful.
Howard asked if she had a speech written in case she did win. Charlize said she didn't. She said she had an idea of what she would have said but she didn't write anything. Howard asked if she was just going to wing it. Charlize said absolutely.
Howard asked if she gets paralyzed when she gets nominated. He said that she is playing a comic book super hero next with this movie she has coming out. He asked if she feels she has to do something as great as the Megyn Kelly thing. Charlize said The Old Guard felt like something that she should do. She said she wanted to find something to challenge herself. She said it came at the perfect time. She said she likes the physical challenge of these movies. She said she wanted a change after the Megyn Kelly movie and she wanted to kick ass so she did this.
Howard said Charlize is good for 2 movies a year to star in. He said in Old Guard she must have trained her ass off. He asked how much training she had to do. He said she kills everyone in the movie. Charlize said Howard loves that. Howard said he's such a pussy in real life that he would love to be able to kick ass.
Howard asked if 2 movies a year is about all she can do. Charlize said that most of what she does comes through her company and she doesn't want to work that much. She's producing movies. Howard said she has to be a businesswoman to do that. He asked how she's pulling all of that off. He said he'd be having a nervous breakdown if he had to do that. Charlize said she's a woman and they can do that kind of shit.
Charlize said they have grown the company in the past few years. She said they have kicked out 2 movies a year. She said they have a television side that's active too. She said they have a constant churn of things in the works. She said that they're still in development during this lock down.
Howard asked if Charlize is constantly reading scripts in bed. Charlize said she does read a lot. She said she doesn't read at night anymore because her eyesight is so bad. She said that she's in a place where she can watch The Bachelor at night and have a glass of wine. She said she prioritizes.
Howard said they produced Mindhunter on Netflix. Howard said he loved that one. He said it was the best. He said he could ask her a million questions just about that.
Howard said this new movie is going to be on Netflix. He said it seems like she's killing herself. He said she's training for this movie and she's breaking her thumbs and ribs and it's really intense. Howard asked why she's damaging herself when she's so beautiful. Charlize said the thumb injury wasn't that bad. She said it was a fluke accident. She said she grabbed a guy and her thumb got stuck in his wardrobe and he turned and it tore the ligament in her thumb. She said even with a stunt double it wouldn't have changed that.
Charlize said that the first action film she did she hurt herself pretty bad on. She said they wanted her to be doing stuff that was really hard to do so they trained her with people who were double jointed and weird. She said she wasn't going to be able to do that. Howard said she almost got paralyzed doing Aeon Flux. She said she had no business doing back springs. She said you can't learn that in 3 months. She said she has her strengths and they have to figure out how to work with that.
Howard said he loves this kind of movie. He said when she's training that hard and beating people up does she think in real life she could kick someone's ass. Charlize laughed. She said no. she said that she doesn't think that she could without taking a martial arts class. She said she thinks that if something did happen that she has a sense of calm and she would rely on that. She said that doesn't make her skilled. She said she thinks that she'd have something but she'd wonder what she'd hit him over the head with and not go hand to hand combat.
Howard said he took karate and he thought that he could beat someone up. Charlize said that builds your confidence. Howard said he could never beat someone's ass. He said she must think that she could beat someone's ass. He said he thinks she could beat him up. Charlize said she thinks that for her she has a great amount of respect for the skill. Howard asked Charlize about the many action movies she's done and how he thinks that she's one of the number one action stars. He asked who she watches on screen and sees and doesn't buy it. Charlize said she's not going to say. She said that for years it was frustrating for her because she loved those action movies. She said her mom loved them too. She said she started out and wanted to do one but there were no women playing those parts. She said that you come across a Seagal video where he's fighting in Japan and he's really not doing anything. She said he's just acting it all out. She said she has no problem talking shit about him because he doesn't have any respect for women. She said he's just shoving people by the face and all of that. She said that it makes her feel good about knowing that hey have changed that industry as a whole. She said she feels that women have been a huge part of that. She said they can fight smarter and they can be part of an emotional story telling.
Howard said he thinks that guys will say they can't buy a woman in a role like that. He said they don't think twice about it now. He said it really has changed.
Howard asked when her movie is coming out on Netflix. Charlize said it's July 10th. Howard said the movie is The Old Guard and it's about these people who are like vampires. He said they live forever and don't die. Charlize said they are immortal. Howard said grey beat up shithead throughout the centuries. He said Charlize's character has been alive for like 6000 years.
Howard said he doesn't want to die because he doesn't want Beth dating some asshole. He said he doesn't want to be stuck watching all of that. Charlize said he's assuming that he'll be stuck somewhere watching. Charlize asked if he is intrigued by that. She said she can't imagine anything worse than living forever. She said she wants to be around for her kids but living forever isn't a good thing. She said she wouldn't want to outlive her kids or anything like that. She said that there is a certain amount of pain and loss that you can get through. Howard said he's looking at her in the movie thinking about how lonely she would be. Charlize said you are alone if you live forever. She asked why any of this matters. She said that it can go away tomorrow. She said that's why it matters.
Howard said he's just going to go away into oblivion. He said he wishes he cold live forever and beat people up. He said if you live forever you'd be worth a billion dollars. He said that they're not into money in the movie. He said that they fight people for 6000 years and nothing got better ether. Charlize said that's the bummer of it all. Howard said people will love this movie. He said he got an advance copy and he gets excited about that. He said it was Super Hot Charlize Theron fighting people. He said that she got maximum hot and then she lives forever. He asked why she didn't freeze at 12 years old.
Charlize said it's great that he thinks that a woman in her mid-40s is super hot and that's the prefect level. Howard said she really is maximum hot. He said if he was her he'd be looking at himself in the mirror all day. Charlize said that's what she'd going to do right after this so hurry the fuck up.
Howard said it's almost a waste that some guy is not quarantined with her doing all kinds of things to her. He asked if she's single again. He said he knows that she almost got married to Sean. Charlize said that's not true. She said that's such bullshit. Howard said she seemed like a great catch. Charlize said they dated and that was it. She said it was a relationship and they were exclusive but it was barely a year. She said they never moved in or anything. She said she was never going to marry him. She said she never really wanted to get married. She said that's not important to her.
Charlize said her life is full of love right now. She said she has two loves. Howard said he's not talking about kids. He said the touch of a man and the way he looks at you... Robin said this is getting creepy. Howard said she must miss a man around. Charlize said she has never been lonely. She said that there is no need in her that drives her to find a man. She said she likes being set up on dates. She said she doesn't think she could live with a man again. She said that shed have to have him live next door or something. Howard said he finds guys to be gross. He said she told Jimmy Kimmel a story about going on a date with a guy and things were going great and then he says to her to make out with his nose. Howard asked what kind of idiot would do that with a Charlize Theron. He said that men are out of their minds.
Charlize said she found out that's a thing to make out with your nose. Howard asked what that is. He said that's disgusting. Charlize said she's fascinated by that kind of thing. She said that she thinks about how she would rather deal with poop than snot. Howard said he's not into that whole ass thing. He said that he'd never put his tongue up there and he wouldn't want a woman doing that to him. He said it would be the talk of Hollywood if she was with him. He said imagine that they were lovers and she put her tongue in his ass. Howard said she's a nice woman and he would never subject her to that. He said he knows what goes on back there. Charlize said she wouldn't recommend doing that unless you're in a relationship and you have a detailed sheet on the hygiene back there.
Charlize said that she has a gag reflex with snot. She said there is something there that makes her want to puke and poop doesn't do that. She said that's what she was talking about.
Howard said he can't imagine asking a woman to make out with his nose. Charlize said this was long before she was anything. She said that he was more of a guy with stature than she was. she said she was just another girl he was taking out to dinner. Howard said he's never heard such a crazy story either way.
Howard asked where Charlize is. She said she's in her office. She was showing some stuff she had in her office.
Howard said Charlize is all business and there is no man in her life, is that where she's at. Charlize said she learned from the last time on the show that people are tired about hearing about her dating life. She said that she does what everyone else is doing out there. She said she's having fun. She said she can have a fun text exchange with someone. She said she's not sure if they're going to fuck. Robin said maybe she doesn't need it. Howard said grey all need it.
Howard asked if she has had any relationship over Zoom. Charlize said god no. She said she can sustain during lock down. She said she doesn't have to do a Zoom date.
Howard said that Charlize is all alone with her kids. Charlize said they're at Grandma's actually. She said she didn't want to take the chance with them being around. Howard asked if she's a good mother. Charlize said thinks she is. She said she works hard at that. She said she doesn't want to fuck that up. She said she checks in with herself when she's a mother. She said she doesn't assume she has all the answers. She said she'll check in with people when she has questions.
Howard said he's learned a lot about Charlize and he loves checking in with her. Robin asked if he can do a Charlize Theron impression. Howard did a woman's voice and said he can.
Howard said he learned that Charlize loves stunts and hates snot. He said she is alone romantically and that's why she's obsessed with The Bachelor. Charlize said he's off track now. Howard said that show is the best on the planet. Charlize said she loves to see people in their own habitat. She said she loves the Housewives shows on Bravo too. She said that it's the best TV on. Howard asked she watches My 600 Pound Life. Charlize said she does. Howard said he loves to see people losing weight. Charlize said she loves to see people trying to get fixed. She said that's what people with OCD want to see.
Howard asked if this is the first time she's putting out a movie on Netflix before being out in theaters. Charlize said it is for her bur they did a movie a few years ago called ''Brain on Fire'' that she produced.
Howard said he loved the movie. He said he loves anything with comic books. He sad that she was trained by the guy who trained Keanu Reeves. Charlize said his name is Danny Hernandez.
Howard asked how good she is with a gun. Charlize said she's not great around guns. She said that she has trauma with guns but she likes that she's forced to do that for movies. she said it can start off rough for her but then she gets into the logistics and she enjoys it. She said she's not a fan of trying to shoot real ammunition. She said she has trained with blanks and then tried real ammo. She said she has no desire to shoot with real ammunition. Howard said it's not the same thing. He said a real bullet has kickback and you have to learned to shoot the real thing. Charlize said for her she's never going to be comfortable shooting a real gun. Howard asked if she owns any real guns. Charlize said she won't talk about that.
Howard said Charlize has done it again. He said she's rocking Hollywood hard. He said that she's made a movie that he loved. He said she made that Megyn Kelly movie that he loved too. He said that this movie ''The Old Guard''' will be out on July 10th on Netflix. He said she'll be by the TV watching it with you when it comes out. He asked if she'll be watching it. Charlize said she will try to fit it into her mirror watching of herself. She said she'll figure it out.
Howard asked if she is doing a performance when she's talking to him. He said that she grew up in south Africa so is she ding a performance of herself or is this the way she speaks. Charlize said she has sounded like this way longer than she did when she had an accent. Howard asked what she sounded like when she had an accent. Charlize said she could barely speak English. She said she was cleaning out her garage and she found disks from her old VHS tapes that she had. She said she was modeling and things back then and she sent them to some people and they couldn't believe it was her. She said she had to learn to speak like this and it was very soon after that. She said it was a very long time ago. She said she had to do a South African accent and she had to get a dialect coach. She said if she goes back there it will come back but she doesn't speak like that now. Howard said this is the real her then. Charlize said it is. She said it sounds weird but this is her. She said it's exhausting to get through life doing things like getting dressed up to go to the bus stop. She said that's not her. She said that's okay though.
Charlize said the sun is coming up and she feels like they've done an all nighter. Howard said he's going to speak to her in her native language. He did some clicks and she said that was very inappropriate. She said the way she spoke was more like Dutch.
Howard said he loved the new movie. He said he thinks everyone in his audience will love it. He thanked her for sticking around so long doing this interview. He said he knows they went long. He told her to stay safe and well. He let her go after giving her another plug. He thanked her over and over for giving them all that time.
Howard said Charlize says she doesn't need a man. Robin asked if that's intimidating. Howard said he's used to it coming from Robin. He said for a long time he didn't believe her. He said he thought she was waiting for him. He said he thinks Charlize is waiting for him too.
Howard said it's amazing that she has no accent and speaks so well. He said that he finds that very impressive. He said if he had to move to a foreign country at 16 he wouldn't be able to learn the language. Robin said at 16 it's easier than he thinks. Howard said he took Spanish at 16 and it wasn't easy.
Howard said this new movie is really good. He said he loves action flicks like that. He said he'd love to live for a thousand years. Howard said Charlize is something else. Robin said she's doing it all. Howard said good for her.
Howard said he was watching the Paparazzi following her around and it's crazy now many picture they take of her. He said he doesn't think he could live his life like that. He said he's famous but people don't follow him around like that. He said he once went to a nail salon to get his nails done and some woman took pictures that ended up in the NY Post. He said he didn't want to be an asshole and tell her to stop. He said he'd look like a real douche bag if he had said something. He said it was really creepy that she was taking the pictures. He said it was embarrassing. He said this woman working on his feet was Chinese and her name was Linda. He said that wasn't her Chinese name. He said he felt bad for her having to rub his disgusting feet. He said she was clipping his feet. He said she was a lovely woman. He said then he saw the kid taking pictures with her iPhone. He said he wanted to say something but then he thought better of it. He said hew as upset and then he saw the pictures a day later in the NY Post. He said you think ''Who cares'' but he does. He said that he hates seeing himself in pictures. He said this was not good.
Howard said when he sees Charlize Theron in pictures he understands why people want to see her. He said he'd be horribly self conscious about being photographed so much.
Howard said he would be so afraid of messing something up and getting bonked on the head by the door or something. He said it has to be crazy for Charlize.
Robin said she thinks about Jennifer Aniston because everything she does is scrutinized. She said you have to live your life though. Howard said no you don't. He said just sit in your house.
Howard said Charlize was a delightful woman. He said the movie is fun. He said if every movie was super heroes and people were beating everyone up he'd watch every one. Robin said he liked that Megyn Kelly movie. Howard said he did.
Howard said he's going to take a break and then come back and wrap things up. He asked what Robin thinks. Robin said it depends on what he has on his desk. Howard said he has email and things like that to get to. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked if he's on. He said it's hard to tell these days. He said he was yelling into the microphone if he was on. He said maybe he was and maybe he wasn't. Robin said she didn't have her headphones on. She said she's not sure if they're on even now. Howard said they are.
Howard said this song is so good. He asked how they come up with something like this. He said the 90s were something with music. He said it was amazing with the bands that were around. He said he listens to Lithium on Sirius all the time. He said it's just so good. He said it's weird because he grew up with 60s and 70s music but he likes the 90s music.
Howard said it's so sad that Chester Bennington from Linkin Park killed himself 3 years ago. Robin said Howard wants to live forever. She said he wasn't listening to what Charlize was saying about that. Howard said he would lose people but he'd meet new people. He said it would be interesting.
Howard said yesterday was Father's day. He said Chris Cornell's daughter was sharing stories on a show. He said they had Chris on the show about 3 times or so. He said he was a real gentleman. He said he sees him singing with his daughter and it kills him. He said he thinks he didn't kill himself. He said something happened. He said he doesn't think he could kill himself when he sings like that with his daughter. Fred played the song Howard was talking about where Chris and Toni sing ''Nothing Compares 2 U.''
Robin said that DL Hughley passed out on stage while doing a show and it turns out he had COVID-19. Howard said he has to have Dr. Agus on the show tomorrow. He said he has to find out what's going on because he's so confused by what's going on. He said he's more confused now than he was in the beginning. He said he doesn't get how you go out to eat and sit outside or whatever. He said he's not going to leave his house until there is a vaccine.
Howard asked what was going on with DL Hughley. Robin said they were in a club somewhere socially distancing. Howard said DL said he didn't have any symptoms. He said he's afraid of this thing so he's not going out. He said DL didn't have any symptoms but he still passed out from it. Robin said people are acting crazy right now. She said they have video after video of people screaming at people for not wearing masks and people just saying that you're an idiot for wearing masks. She said they're carrying on like mental patients.
Howard said wearing a mask for him is a godsend. He said that he's horrible looking and you might be able to get a date if you wear a mask.
Howard said their friends are still asking them to come out. He said he isn't going out because he and Beth are both afraid of this virus. He said people are going out to people's houses. Robin said his own kids aren't even allowed to come over to his house. Howard said they're all in quarantine. He said the whole thing is so weird. He said he asked Dr. Agus to come on tomorrow. Robin said that's good because it is getting confusing.
Howard said he has to ask if they can go to a party at someone's house. He said he's still at the stage of wiping boxes down. He said they're taking it really seriously.
Howard said Dr. Fauci was saying that he can't believe the anti science mentality here in this country. Robin said people are screaming about wearing masks like their life depends on not wearing it. Howard said it seems like there are more insane people than sane ones in this country.
Gary said there's a video of an old man who didn't have a mask on going into a store and insisting he didn't need one. He said it was like he went there to argue with people. Robin said that is not normal behavior.
One of the guys had the audio of the guy at the store going in and not wearing the mask. People were telling the guy that he has to wear one and he insisted that he didn't have to. People were laughing at the guy when he got knocked over trying to rush in. Gary said that was more visual. He said people were laughing because the guy fell over.
Howard said people wrote in about the clips they played last week from Orange County. Howard read some of that feedback. He had a bunch from people who live there in Orange County.
Howard had some audio of a woman at a Ventura county meeting where she was talking about why she doesn't have to wear masks. She was bragging that she's a Trump republican and she started singing ''God Bless America'' at the end of her rambling speech. Robin asked if she sounds okay. Howard said she sounds very worked up.
Howard said the Governor of California issued an order that says all California residents have to wear masks. He said it doesn't seem like that big of a deal to him.
Howard read more fan feedback about the discussion they had about Ronnie. They had a bunch of positive feedback about that and Fred's Ronnie Puppet.
Howard read some feedback about Sal being Ronnie's hero. Howard had a few comments from people about that.
Howard said the other thing that was big on the show last week was Ralph's sexuality. He said that most people think he's gay. He said some think he's straight but some think he's bisexual. Howard read a few of those comments. Robin said there's no end to that discussion.
Howard said he got a report that there was another Zoom happy hour and Ralph went. He said he kept taking his shirt off and played with his nipples. Robin said he must like this speculation.
Howard said Sal checked in with her yesterday on Father's day. He said it turns out that her father died a few years ago. He played a clip of Debbie talking about the shit that her family had to go through and how her father always backed her up and standing up for her. That led to Howard talking about how he cant imagine his parents standing up for him. He did his impressions of his mom and dad as if they were standing up for him in a weird family situation. Howard's parents were having a whole conversation about him eating cum like Debbie the Cum Lady.
Howard said Debbie the Cum Lady had a very active sex life as a teenager and her father supported her the whole time. Howard played another clip of Debbie talking about how her father defended her after an unusual sexual thing that happened. Debbie talked about some of those sexual things that she did and how her father never did come down on her over that stuff.
Howard said his father never would have let him get away with anything like that. Sal said that he was aware of her lifestyle and whenever she got in trouble he defended her. Howard said he wishes his dad had been that accepting of him. He went into his dad's voice again and talked about how crazy it is to eat cum.
Howard played a clip of Debbie the Cum Lady talking about how she tried to have sex with a cousin. She said that didn't happen. She said she has thought about her uncle sexually but nothing happened there either. Robin said it sounds like she doesn't like the blood relatives.
Howard said it says there that she blew a cousin's boyfriend at a family reunion. Howard played that clip where she explained what happened there.
Howard said she sounds like she has learned a lot in life. Gary said imagine the shame of the father having to change the flights for everyone because she blew that guy. Howard said always love your children no matter what happens. Sal said she's a saint by blowing everyone. Howard said good work Sal.
Howard got in a plug for Mugsy Jeans who sponsored the show today.
Howard asked Bobo what ''epic-center'' means. Bobo gave his explanation of it. He said people don't understand what it means to go outside on a windy day. He said people are going to get this Coronavirus when the wind blows it around and it gets into your membrane.
Bobo said it's really a shit show down there. He said there's nowhere to go. He said he's stuck down there. Howard kept using ''epic-center'' with Bobo and Bobo had no idea he was saying the wrong thing. Howard said Bobo has astounded them once again.
Howard read about how many new cases of COVID-19 there were in Florida over the weekend. It was over 3,000.
Howard asked if the Epcot Center is the Epic Center of Disney World. Bobo said that the Epic Center is the essence of the core. He said it's horrible down there now. He said the governor is making it worse.
Howard asked Bobo puppet what he thinks about this. Bobo Puppet said that it's at travesty and a mockery. He said his skull is the empty center.
Howard said he heard Bobo gave blood the other day and they had a hard time finding a vein. Bobo said he had to go back the next day after drinking some fluids. Howard wondered if he would start saying ''epic-center'' if he gave blood. Howard asked if he should tell Bobo what he's thinking her or just hang up. Robin said tell him.
Howard told Bobo that it's ''epicenter'' and not ''epic-center.'' Bobo said he was probably getting epic from somewhere. Howard said the word is actually ''epincenter.'' He said he should say that instead of epic. Bobo said that makes sense.
Robin asked Bobo to say the story one more time with that word. Bobo called it the ''epincenter'' of the Coronavirus. Howard asked Bobo to get it right because he has it wrong. He said it's actually ''epinmcenter'' but the M is silent. He had Bobo repeat the word. Robin said he can just say it's the epinmcenter and not say it's the core as well.
Howard asked if Bobo Puppet wants to say something. Bobo Puppet said some other words that were all wrong.
Bobo said that Ralph has been on the show for so many years and he's never shared any stories about the women he has dated. Howard said maybe he's a gentleman and he doesn't talk about the women he has dated. Bobo said he doesn't think so.
Howard asked Bobo what the core is. Bobo said it's the ''epinmcenter.'' Howard let him go after that. He said he thinks they should end the show now. He said they did the best job they could. He said they'll have an update from Dr. Agus and he had a bunch of other things to get to. He said there's a lot going on. Robin said don't forget to read her Op-Ed piece in the Daily News today. Howard said you will get a lot of wisdom there. Howard got in another plug for Mugsy Jeans and ended the show around 10:30am.
Howard started the show asking Robin if he sounds different today. Robin said yes. Howard said he doesn't know what he did. He said tomorrow they're going to upgrade his equipment so he can be more wonderful. He said people are going to come in with HazMat suits and do a number in there. He said there's a bunch of things falling apart down there. He said he has things on tables and cardboard boxes and they tumble down on him. He said it's apparent that they need one good visit where the guys come in and set everything up. He said he'll get better tables. He said everything is wobbly and he has to be careful.
Howard said they're going to try to get better cameras down there too. He said they're going to make it look more like a set. He said he looks ridiculous. He's all fuzzy looking. He said he'd rather not be on camera at all but they do have an app and people enjoy seeing the interviews. He said they can't do the band thing now though.
Howard said the late night shows are having bands on. He said they do a pre-produced thing with bands. He said it's not a real in studio performance. He said that's one thing he liked about having a band in the studio. He said it was a lot of fun. He said he does miss that aspect of the show. He said it doesn't feel like a live element when they do it off site.
Robin said some of those interviews that are pre-taped on the late night shows do come off kind of strange. She said it's not as immediate as you'd like. Howard said he'll have a team down there and he's going to hide in hibernation for two weeks.
Howard said he's having Dr. Agus on today because he's so confused by this COVID-19 thing. He said Rachel Maddow had a chart on her show that showed that the curve was never flattened like we should have been able to do. He said in New York it was flattened for a little while. He said people are getting back to work and he fears it's going to go back up.
Howard said they said that they had 26,000 new cases of Coronavirus in this country yesterday. He said if you looked at the graph you can see that the virus isn't going away. He said it didn't get the memo. He said he has Dr. Agus coming on today because he has to find out what he thinks about this. He said he tried to talk to him the other day and he was in the middle of a conference about the virus.
Howard said Robin told them about this vacuum cleaner called the Shark and Beth got one. He said what a vacuum cleaner it is. Robin said she can recommend appliances now. Howard said he tried it the other day and it's crazy. He said it's really good. He asked what genius developed it. He said it runs on batteries and there's no cords or anything. He said it's like it's pulling you along with it. Robin said it does pull you.
Howard said they tried vacuuming with a regular vacuum and then did the Shark. He said it pulled up stuff that the other vacuum missed.
Howard said according to the NY Times there were over 30,000 new cases of Coronavirus in this country. He said that's going up. He said they have to talk to Dr. Agus about what they should and shouldn't be doing. Robin said she saw some things they're doing out on Long Island by opening up more things. Howard said in Manhattan they're doing the same. He said on Columbus Avenue people are outside eating. He said it's gross because it's filthy and there are cars going by. He said what they've done to help the restaurants is create more space for them. He said they use parking spots for tables now. He said you're sitting in the street eating.
Howard said it's not like the streets are that clean. He said the exhaust brings out the flavor of the food.
Howard said the other news is that some theaters are opening and they were saying you don't have to wear masks because they didn't want to be political. Howard said this is crazy. He said you wear a mask you cut down on the spread. He said that's what medical people are saying. He said he never wants to go back to a movie theater. He said of all the things he misses it's not going to a movie theater. He said he always hated being around people eating, talking and coughing.
Howard said he broke down and went to see a movie and he hated being there. He said he has done things like make weird noises to keep people from sitting near him. He said make noises like a disabled person and they won't come near you. Robin said she went to a theater where this kid would hoot real loud. Howard said he'll do that next time he goes to a theater. Fred played some hooting sounds including JD's laugh.
Howard said he worked with Cerebral Palsy kids so he thinks he was trying to be like that. He said you can't be too obvious about it though. Robin said you can be because that kid was whooping up a storm.
Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult almost cleared out the Jamie Foxx town hall because she had shit her pants. He said she had basically a one on one with Jamie.
Howard said Beth wasn't with him when he went to see that movie where he made noise. He said it was a Spider-Man movie so she didn't want to see it. He said not one person noticed it was him. He said he had a hoodie on. He said he was a little pissed off about that.
Howard said shitting your pants can really get people to stay away from you. Robin said you can have the liquid ass stuff. Howard said then he'd have to smell it though. He said he can't use that. He said if he did that and his voice he could clear out the place.
Howard said he's going to hang up on Mariann but he has to do an update on her and Michael Rapaport. Mariann said she saw that Gilbert Gottfried had a Bat Mitzvah for his daughter and some family member was on Zoom naked and didn't know it. Howard said Memet did something like that in their meetings. Gary said a senator did something like that and showed her titties.
Howard said Michael Rapaport and Mariann got into a fight a few months ago and Michael was joking about her having Coronavirus. He said that Mariann got really upset about that. He had a voicemail from Mariann going off on Rapaport about that. Howard played that clip and Mariann was really upset about that. She was putting some curse on him in the call.
Howard said Rapaport heard that and he asked Sal to put him on the phone with Mariann. Howard said Sal called Mariann and told her he had a special guest for her to talk to and she got really excited not knowing it was him. Howard played the call Sal made to Mariann and she was freaking out getting all worked up about this surprise. Then Michael gets on and Mariann went off on Sal and said fuck you Michael Rapaport. Michael apologized to her about saying she got the Corona. She went off on him and he told her to just accept the apology. He told her to shut up and let him apologize and she eventually hung up on him.
Howard said Sal tried getting her back on the phone but they were both pissed. He said that everyone was angry. Howard played another clip of Sal talking to Michael and Mariann and they were yelling at Sal.
Howard said Sal eventually got them to calm down and Michael and Mariann called a truce. Then Michael said that they have to get together to come down on Gary. Mariann freaked out on him about doing that. Michael went off on Gary calling him a monkey and then calling Mariann a crow.
Howard said it went up from there. He said that Michael wants him to stop talking about Mariann. He played another clip where Michael and Mariann went off on each other and Michael told Mariann that he's going to get her black balled from the show. She eventually hung up on him again.
Howard said he senses sexual tension there between those two. Robin said they have the ability to argue at a loud volume for a long time.
Howard said that's just one of the controversies going on. He said there are a lot of people waiting to do something and they're like the new Donnie and Marie. Robin said that never would have happened before this.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who asked if he has seen the pictures of Jamie Foxx getting bulked up to play Mike Tyson in a movie. Howard said he'd love to see that movie. He said when that guy takes on a part he gets into it. He said he hasn't seen the pictures of him yet. Robin said she just heard about the movie the other day. She said she saw the pictures and his arms look scary.
Mike asked if he thinks that the part could go all wrong. Howard said that won't happen. He said Jamie takes that stuff seriously. He said him playing Tyson will probably win him another Academy Award. Robin said they're supposed to have it warts and all with Mike.
Mike said that he heard that Mike is thinking about getting back in the ring too. Robin said she saw him working out and he has that tattoo on his face and now he has grey hair and a beard.
Howard said the sad thing with boxers is that they go back to the well and end up with Parkinson's or something. He said he's not up on his Mike Tyson latest stuff. He said he hopes he stays out of the ring.
Howard said he didn't know about Jamie Foxx. He said he didn't know they were shooting movies. He said Michael Keaton is in talks to play Batman again. He said you wonder how that can work but they have an elderly Batman in some of the comics.
Howard asked Will what it's like to be a legend. Will said it's different. Howard said he thinks his asshole will be in the Smithsonian some day. Robin said it should be.
Howard said Will has the ability to powerfully fart on command. He said he was last on the show to give a 21 fart salute last year to promote his book Howard Stern Comes Again. He played some of the farts from that 2 minute 21 fart salute.
Howard said he was in the studio for this. He said they also had Will's mother on the show. He said she was on in 2009 and 2012. He said this is sad but his mother passed away in January. He said that he believes she died from COVID-19. He said that he found his mother topless in the house. Will said it was at her house down the street. He said he went down to check on her and she was fine the day before. He said she was topless in her room when he found her.
Howard asked why she was topless. Will said he found her. Howard said he means why does he think she was topless. Will said he assumes that she went to the bathroom and had a spell or something. He said that she likes to lay in bed with her top off.
Howard asked how they looked. He said he saw his mother's and it was traumatic. He said he remembers his mother and she was a great guest on the show. He said she had a great sense of humor.
Howard had a clip from 2009 where Will's mom talked about how he was born without an asshole. He played the clip of her talking about that. Will's mom said he was born without a rectal opening.
Howard said there it is. He said his father used to fart on his mother and she talked about that too. Howard played the clip of Will's mom talking about her husband farting on her.
Howard said Will's powers are genetic and also man made. He said they built him an asshole that somehow functions with the loud farts. Will said it's like the best of both worlds.
Howard said Will the Farter's mom came on the show once and let Will fart in her face so she could win some money. He had some audio of Will farting on Priscilla's face and Priscilla talking about it after.
Howard asked if there was anything better than that. Will said that she was great about that. He said that she did a lot of bizarre stuff that made people laugh. Howard said his mother wouldn't have had any part of that. He said that Will's mom was a lot of fun.
Will said Howard's parents are both still alive. Howard said they are. Will said his mom had him when she was like 41 so she was older.
Howard said Will never told his mom that he was that Brutal Master character. He asked if she ever learned that. Will said that she kind of found out because on a long road trip he'd get calls and she'd ask who it was. He said his cousins would spill the beans on him. He said she didn't know too much about it but she was filled in on what was going on.
Howard said Will refused to tell his mom about that character on the show. He had a clip where Will wasn't saying what Brutal Master is. She didn't want to know anyway.
Howard said they played a game with Priscilla on the show back then. He played a montage of the game they played with her on the show. Howard asked her to spell, do math and other things. She got a lot of the answers wrong.
Howard said during the game Will gave his mom a good blast. He played some audio of that. Priscilla said that stinks. Howard was cracking up.
Howard said there was never a relationship between mother and son that was like that. He said not another mom could do that routine with him. He said she was a special woman. Will said she was always there for him. He said she did do a lot of crazy stuff.
Howard said Will thinks that she died from COVID-19. Will said before she died he heard about the COVID-19 thing and he believes it was that because she went to Vegas on a Tuesday and when she came back she was sick. He said she came back on a Friday and she said she was okay. He said he could tell she was coughing. He said he and his friend remember that. He said they took her to a store and she crapped herself there. He said he didn't say anything to her at the time. He said he dropped her off and his sister told him to check on her that Saturday. He said he went in and she was laying on the couch and she told him that she was okay and she loves him. He said he went out the door and that was it. He said when people are sick he stays away from them. He said the next day she was like that. He said he got sick, Joe got sick and another guy got sick too. He said his chest was really heavy and his eyes were bothering him. He said it was just a very weird illness. He said his friend Joe passed out from it. He said this other girl wasn't showing symptoms but she may have been Asymptomatic.
Howard asked if they did an autopsy to find out if it was COVID-19. Will said they said it was cardiac arrest but they weren't testing for COVID-19 back then.
Howard said they say rest in peace to Priscilla. He said he hopes she's in a better place. Will said she's in his cabinet. He showed Howard her ashes. He said the day before she went she took a picture. He showed that to Howard. He had her ashes there too. Howard said that's very sweet.
Howard said Will is prepared to fart Taps for his mother. Howard said this is very difficult for him to do. He said on the last show they found out he has to get surgery on his ass. Will said he thinks he has prolapsed hemorrhoids. He said he can go and he has nothing but blood come out. He said it's been going on for 4 years but it comes and goes. He said he thinks that the hemorrhoids get filled up and emptied.
Howard said Will is delaying the surgery because of COVID-19. Will said they did close down a lot of the places and he wasn't able to make an appointment anyway. Howard asked if he's afraid that this is going to affect his farting. Will said he hates operations. He said when he went to do a birthday party once and he had whatever this was pop out and not pop back in. He said he had to go to the bathroom and pop it back in.
Howard asked if part of his income is from doing birthday parties? Will said this was for a guy who was like 40. Howard said he gets it. He said his routine is to lay on his back and fart for the crowd. He asked if he's nude when he does this. Will said no. Howard said this is like a singer having something clog up his throat. Will said it is. He said the surgery could help him and get him back to where he was in his 20s.
Howard said if they can operate on this and get him fixed but they tell him he can never fart again, would he stop or just say ''fuck it.'' Will said he would say ''fuck it'' and keep doing it. He said he's known for it and he's on YouTube and Cameo. He said he has to continue to do it regardless.
Robin asked Will if the doctors told him what he needs to do. Will said he was halfway there and he knows that it's a prolapse. He said that they could tell him that he has the worst scenario.
Howard asked what it costs to get him to a birthday party to fart. Will said it was $1500 plus travel. Howard said that's pretty good money. Howard asked how long the performance is. Will said he goes out and does his thing. Howard asked how long it was. Will said maybe 10-15 minutes tops.
Howard said he was a fan of his mom and he asked him to perform Taps for her. Robin said that may not be safe. Will said it should be. He said he does it all the time.
Will did his thing and sucked in some air. Howard asked if he wants to turn toward his mother. Will said his chair may squeak more if he does turn. He sucked in the air and warmed up his farting. He said that it wasn't working the way he hoped it would. He said that wasn't good. Will was moving around having a hard time getting it out. Will said he can perform but it's the angle he's at. He said something popped out. He said the angle was giving him issues.
Howard said Will is now on his back. Will moved and sucked in air into his asshole. He let some farts but it wasn't really Taps. Howard said it was a beautiful tribute to his mom. He said that was pretty sweet. He told Robin that was Taps. Robin said she wasn't sure. Will had to suck the hemorrhoid back in.
Howard said he thinks his mother would have been proud of that performance. Will said he thinks that she's always there with him. He said he walks downstairs and thinks she lives there with him now. He said he hears weird noises and stuff at night. He said he wonders why she'd be after him but she was a prankster so maybe it is her. Howard asked if he's saying that he believes his mother lives in the house and she's haunting him. Will said not haunting but her presence is there. Will said he thinks about what he saw finding her dead and that will never go away. Will said it could have been a lot worse. He said he tries to sleep and it'll pop into his mind. Howard asked if he sees her in the house. Will said no. He said that she used to do something with pennies and she would throw a penny at him and say ''Heads up!'' He said that after she died he kept finding pennies. He said he saved a bunch in a drawer.
Howard said it's a sad day today. He said he blew out his hemorrhoid and he will hopefully get that fixed. He said he won't give up farting ever. He said he would recommend listening to his doctors though. Howard said they say goodbye to Priscilla and thanks for doing Taps for her. Howard said keep them updated on his surgery and all of that. Will said he will. Robin told him not to take too long to get to it. Will said he wont. Howard said that when blood is coming out that's not good. Will said the blood is always bright red so it should be okay. Robin said he's now a doctor. Will said he does a lot of research.
Howard said Will is on Cameo and he's also Brutal Master for those gay men out there who want to contact him. Robin asked if there have been a lot of calls. Will said there have and they might be giving him their stimulus checks. Howard asked Will about what he does with those men. Will said his shirt may come off but he's rarely totally nude. He said it's called Fin-Dom which is financial domination. He said these people like to be made to give him money.
Howard asked how a guy can get his pants off. Will said sometimes when he's doing the webcam thing he gets a lot of money and if it's up to like 500 bucks he'll do it. He said if there are a lot of people in his room he will do it.
Howard asked Will about something he did with a guy where he wanted him to make a doody. Will said on Cameo this guy will request 5 things back to back. He said he wants to be called names and it's always the same thing. He said it's 99 percent funny and he wonders what's wrong with these people. He said that's the service he provides.
Howard said Will's mom may have known what he did or maybe not. He said he wishes him well. Robin said she finds it interesting that people are giving him their stimulus check.
Howard said he wants to say that Brutal Master has no bad reviews. He said he fills a need with people apparently. Robin said congratulations. Howard said they weren't able to find one bad review. Will said they always tell him they liked it. He said he hasn't had a bad review yet. He said he second guesses himself all the time so he expects one.
Howard said Will is not a gay man. He said he claims to be heterosexual. He said he has mentioned a girlfriend. Will said he's single right now. Howard said he's got the farting going and the Brutal Master thing going. Robin said Cameo too.
Howard said Will has never turned down a request. He said there are a lot of prudes out there but not Will.
Howard thanked Will again and said he's sorry to hear about his mom. Will said she's in a better place. Howard asked how anyone would be unhappy being on a shelf in his apartment. Howard let Will go after that. He said that prolapsed thing is something else. Howard said the blood is red so don't worry about it.
Robin said she loves all of these guys who do research. Howard asked how many times she has read that you shouldn't do your own research. He said that's what Will went right to. Howard said his mother used to put up with him farting in her face. He said it was some of the best television they've ever created. He said he hopes he gets his surgery or has a doctor at least look at it.
Howard said they're going to take a break and get to Dr. Agus later. He said he has a bunch of things to do. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked if this is Puddle of Mudd. Robin said she's not familiar. Gary said it is. Howard said it's a pretty good song.
Howard said a lot of fans wrote in about Charlize Theron being on the show yesterday. He read a few comments about her. He said she's like the number 1 action hero in movies these days. He said that's if you add up all the money her movies have made. He said she dissed Steven Seagal yesterday. He said he does enjoy his movies. He said he does that hand thing and smacks people and they just fall down. Robin said it's like the air knocks them down. Howard said that's some wacky Kung Fu thing he's doing.
Howard read more comments about Charlize's interview and said the audience was so in love with her and just hearing her made them fall for her.
Howard said a bunch of people wrote in about his archives that they talked about yesterday. He said he has to store this stuff and has kept it cataloged. He said they had to save it all for history. He said now he has woken up out of his coma and is dumping everything.
Howard read some comments about the archives and people were telling him to sell it. Howard said most of it is junk. He said he doesn't want to be involved in distributing it. He said he doesn't want to hear the comments if they don't like what they get. He said he doesn't want any of it. He wants it all in a dumpster.
Howard said he's not going to save all of that junk. He said Jason was listing the wacky things he has been saving. He said he had 750 danglers from the Miss America the book. He said it was something they gave away when he was out promoting the book. He said he had 750 of them that he's been paying to store. Howard said someone asked how they can get one. He said listen, he's throwing this stuff out. He said he's not getting started with it. Robin said he can get it free if he can find that dumpster. Robin said that stuff will never get thrown out. Howard said Jason said they were about to throw it out but COVID-19 hit and they were delayed. Jason said he doesn't think they'll even let them in at this point.
Howard said Jason took over and figured out what they want to save and throw out. He said he didn't even want to be consulted. He said he figured if they don't see anything super valuable then throw it away. Howard said yesterday was the tip of the iceberg. He said just throw it away. Jason said they are almost done. He said they have a few hundred items left. He said they're going to incinerate some of the stuff.
Howard said there is a dangler on sale on Ebay for 23.99. He said he's fine with burning up that stuff.
Jason said he heard from people who really want that American Flag from the Embassy. Howard said he can give that to someone if he doesn't want to throw it away. He said the problem with this process is that they have thousands of things. Jason said it really is thousands. Howard said it's in an archival storage unit. He said it's nicer than an apartment.
Howard said if the audience asks for this stuff it's going to cost a fortune. He said dealing with the public is horrible. He said everyone always has a problem. He said people will be calling him names if he sells them something. He said they'll complain about everything. He said there is an asshole for every situation like you would not believe.
Jason said they have a lot of signed things from celebrities. He said they don't have any authentication for it. He said if they send it out they won't have that and people will say it's not legit. Howard said he doesn't want to hear from the audience. He said he's heard enough.
Howard said his point is that he loves the audience and he wishes he could let people take it for free. Robin said they could have a bin like Walmart does. Howard said that would go wrong. Robin said people will get hurt. Howard said he wants all of this junk gone. He said burn it.
Jason said Bobo came up there and got a bunch of stuff and threw some of it away and sold some of it. He said Bobo is a huge fan of the show and he did that.
Howard said Robin called him a hoarder. He said she's right. He said he keeps buying more and more space. He said he's saving everything. Robin said he can afford storage so that's why it's there and not his house.
Jason said they have hundreds of self published books that people sent to the show. Howard said people would make their own books and grey would write him and send him a copy. He said he has been keeping them. He said if it was autographed they'd keep them and now he has thousands. He said it's crazy. He said now they have opened it up to look at it and people are wondering why he's saving this stuff. He said he has no idea. He said it's in archival storage with archival paper between all of the pages. Jason said they also have a digital copy of all of it.
Gary said all of the books are about things no one cares about. He said that the people will send the book in and then they dedicate them to Howard. He said they would mention Howard and someone from the show in the book and they thought they had to save it all. Howard said they documented everything. He said it's all worthless junk.
Howard said one of the books was about how to play games at work to make the day go by faster. He said that was probably autographed. Jason said he won't say the authors but he has a book that's the celebration of mule hair. He said he has erotic coloring books, a book about 50 ways to poop. Robin said he saved them. Howard said he didn't save them, he put them in the archives.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he'll give him a million for his stuff. Howard said no because it's all junk. The caller said it's not. He said he can make more than that with it. Howard said maybe he could. The caller said it's worth millions. Howard said maybe it is.
The caller said if there was a way to get it all online he'd blow up the internet. Howard said it's not going to happen. He said no matter what he did they'd be upset. He said even if he gave it away he'd get complaints. He said he's just getting rid of it all and it's done.
Gary said there's a book by Harlan Coben who has mentioned him in many of his books. He asked if he feels he has to save those. Howard said no. He said it's not important stuff in history. He said it's insanity what he's done. He said it's crazy to archive all of this stuff. He said he's ashamed that he has saved all of this stuff.
Gary said there are many published books that mentioned Howard. He said they have saved those. He mentioned a few and Howard said he likes those guys but to save it all doesn't make sense. He said he's not sure what to do with it all.
Howard said Bobby Bones mentioned him and so did Charlemagne the God. He said he thought it was great to save but he doesn't know what he was thinking. He said it's 40 years of this and he hasn't used any of it.
Howard said he doesn't even know where the archive is. He said they have it all in the computer and he can stroll through it but he doesn't even do that. He said even when he was writing his book he thought he'd need the archives. He said he didn't need it. He said this stuff is in a better place than the mausoleum that he'll be buried in. Howard said his junk is treated better than his rotten corpse.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has been a fan ever since he was a teen. He said he wanted to talk about the archives. He said he thinks it's a great thing he did. He said he is a national treasure and the Smithsonian has Julia Child's stuff set up. He said they should contact them. Howard thanked him for that but they're throwing it all out. He said that's it.
Jason said not everything is getting thrown out. He said they found the original FCC licenses that Howard had. Robin said that doesn't take up much room. Howard said that he would save. He said he's not even sure why. Jason said the original Jackie and Gary puppets are being saved too. Howard said that's what he wants to save.
Jason said they have a lot of stuff that fans sent in like awards. He said that they got one award that was broken and shattered and they keep that one and the replacement. Howard said it's all wrapped in archival paper and boxed in archival boxes. Howard said he would hire people to take care of all of this stuff. He said he told them to save it all.
Howard said he should take all of the awards and put them on a shelf. He said some guy wants to pay a million bucks for that stuff. He said there is no way he's going to make that money back. Jason said they have set pieces from big sets but they're ripped and torn. Howard said throw it all out.
Howard took a call from a guy who got cut off as he was about to speak. Howard said he may have hung up on himself. He said it looks like the equipment may have failed. He said that's why they're doing an upgrade. He said the broadcasts will sound a lot better after that.
Robin asked if he still has the magic trick. Howard said his buddy Neil Drake may have it. He said he thinks he has it. He said it's probably in the archives. He said he used to saw a woman in half and he paid like 13 grand for that trick. Jason said he doesn't think they came across that. Howard said he thinks he talked to Neil about it and gave it to him. He said blood would gush out of the thing and it looked real. He said they had chopped up meat that would come out too. He said it looked like meat and bones were crushing through. He said they even took her away in an ambulance at the end of the show. He said it sounds lame but people fell for it.
Howard said he forgot about the trick and Neil was in charge of it back in the day. He said that it was so difficult to hire women who were short enough to get in the box. He said they're like athletes. He said they had to find people and they weren't available so it was a pain in the ass.
Gary said that was a huge pain in the ass. He said they had 4 women who they rotated through and he had to get chicken entrails for the meat. He said he and Fred had to clean it every night and it smelled really bad. Howard said that's what Neil said. He said the blood packs were a pain in the ass. He said sometimes grey wouldn't open up and he'd go home bummed out. He said he wondered what the fuck was wrong with him.
Gary said they would do two shows and they would get done around 2 in the morning and he'd put it all in the wash and then go back on a Saturday night to do it again. He said they didn't even have 4 sets of scrubs to do two nights in a row.
Howard said he told Neil to get rid of it so he must have done that. He said that was 13 grand and it was considered cheap back then. He said the first couple of shows went to paying that off. He said it might have been the first 3 shows that paid for that magic trick. He said what a dumb career.
Gary said they had to go to a house to learn how to make the trick work. He said they had to sign paperwork that said he couldn't reveal how it worked. Howard said he will never tell anyone because he did sign that contract. He said he really didn't know how it worked anyway. He said the girl got in there and he did his thing. Gary asked if they're not allowed to talk about it. Gary said there were things about it that were really dumb. Howard said don't talk about it.
Howard asked if the phones are working now. He said it seems like the system went down. Howard asked if Rob is there. He went to another call and it wasn't working. Howard said that's okay.
Howard wondered if he has enough time to do an Underdog update before getting to Dr. Agus. Robin said it depends on how long she talked. Howard said she went on a radio show and she talked quite a bit. Jason told Howard they have to do something with the phones during a break. Howard said he should do that and get to Dr. Agus. Jason said that sounds great but he's not sure if Dr. Agus is ready. Gary said he'll be ready soon. Howard said he's going to take a break then. He said he can just sit there and talk about his dumb archive for another hour if he has to. He said maybe tomorrow he'll have Jason give a list of the dumb things he has kept all these years. They went to break after that.
Howard said he has Dr. Agus on. He said he has some setup over there. He said he has a better one than he does. Robin said look at that. she said it's very professional. Howard asked how he got that hookup. Dr. Agus wasn't coming through. Gary said he just checked him during the break. He said he sounds great now.
They said he has to unmute his iPad. Dr. Agus came back and he was on. Howard said all of that equipment he has and he can't even work it. He asked if CBS hooked him up. Dr. Agus said they did. He said they came in and set it up in the morning and it was ready by the afternoon. Howard said the audio is really good with the good video. Robin said he has some timbre in his voice too. Dr. Agus said it has finally come out.
Howard said Dr. Agus is a real doctor and a professor of medicine at USC. He asked what he does there. Dr. Agus said that he has undergrads, medical students and more. He said they're getting old and they have to teach the new generation. Robin asked if he has hours where kids can come talk with him. Dr. Agus said yes he does. He said they discuss science and projects and more. He said he thinks the new generation is really excited about science. He said there's a real passion for it all of a sudden. Howard said thank god. He said it's such an idiotic world we live in now. He said he needs someone to figure stuff out.
Howard said he told Dr. Agus he went back and read his book The Lucky Years: How to Thrive in the Brave New World of Health and he suggests getting 7 hours of sleep and have plenty of sex. Dr. Agus said that's right but do them at different times. Howard said yes. He said he found Beth sleeping during sex the other day.
Howard said sex is a way of keeping your body regulated and happy. Dr. Agus said that's right. Dr. Agus said that doctors were dying from not getting enough sleep. He said we do need to get plenty of sleep.
Howard said his mother used to tell him about how to sleep if he felt he wasn't able to. He said just lay there and it will happen. Howard said at least your body is resting. Dr. Agus said regularity in sleep is a good thing. He said that a study was done about waking kids up at the same time every day and they found that it's best to have regular sleep. Howard said many parents can't put their kids to sleep. He said they can't close the door on them and tell them to go to bed. Dr. Agus said it's funny times we're living through now. He said they're sitting home and watching YouTube and they don't have the same exhaustion they used to.
Howard said Dr. Agus has this thing where you can get a text from him every morning. He said it's a regular update at (310) 299-9322. He asked if he texts every morning. Dr. Agus said he does it 4-5 times a week. He said if someone texts back he'll answer them. He said this is a real thing and he will text back. He said his job is to educate and get the information out there.
Howard said he's having Dr. Agus on today because every morning he's seeing crazy things going on. He said nothing has changed and this hasn't gone away. He said scientists tell us to wear masks and it will knock it down by huge numbers. He said if you do then you only have an 18 percent chance of getting it. He said he knows we have to get back to work and all of that but it seems to him that people want to get together and have parties. He said he's still quarantined. He said a party isn't that important to him to die for.
Dr. Agus said that we stayed at home and did very little for a few months. He said now the rules aren't very clear about what to do. He said we have a free for all. He said if we all wore masks then it would go away. He said in Japan they all wear masks and they have gotten it to go away. He said everyone over there wears a mask. He said here in the United States you tell people to wear masks and grey don't do it. He said that we have certain rules to keep everyone safe but we have the Bill of Rights. He said that in 2 months we're all going to have to wear masks and it would have saved a lot more lives if they had started doing it earlier.
Howard said he doesn't understand how this has become a political thing. He said they say that if you're wearing a mask your against the President and all of that. He said he doesn't get why people don't want to get rid of this thing. He said it's stressing him out. Dr. Agus said it really does make no sense. He said that people are forgetting about COVID-19 and we're still seeing 1000 deaths a day in this country.
Howard said he has friends who want to come over and say hello to him. He said he's doing his part by staying home and not spreading or getting this thing. He said that people are having parties and he's not sure how they social distance. He said they're touching cups and food and all of that. He asked why that is so important.
Dr. Agus said he thinks there is a middle ground. He said we have to live our lives. He said outdoors there's almost no spread of the virus. He said during the day the UV light diminishes the virus. He said if you get together outside and keep your distance then it's alright. Howard asked about touching the food and dishes and all of that. He said you hope the chef is wearing a mask. He asked if it can transmit. Dr. Agus said he hopes that they're washing hands. He said that it's very rare to get it from surfaces. He said early on they didn't know the behavior if the virus. He said spreading from surfaces is very low. He said that they have found that's a fact. Howard said in the beginning they thought you had to wash everything down and keep it in quarantine for days. Dr. Agus said it is very rare to get it that way. He said that he can't say there is no chance though.
Howard asked if he would go to someone's house for a party. Dr. Agus said it depends on whose house it is. He said he and his wife went to dinner with friends. He said that they are willing to risk it for some people. He said that you want to be around people that you trust are like you.
Howard asked if he would get in an Uber with a driver with a mask on. Dr. Agus said he would not. He said the ventilation is not good enough. He said being outdoors has crazy ventilation. He said it's very hard to spread outdoors. Howard asked if he would trust someone to come into his house to clean. He said he and Beth are cleaning now. Dr. Agus said there need to be rules. He said the way to do it is to have someone clean a room and not go in there after them for a few hours. He said leave a window open for those few hours.
Dr. Agus said that Howard likes being a hermit but we have to act like this for the next 6 months. Howard asked if he can avoid Coronavirus for the next six months is that going to be some milestone. Dr. Agus said in the early fall they're going to have the beginnings of a vaccination program. He said they will start by vaccinating the elderly and health care workers and then the whole country. He said it may not be around the country by then but in the big areas that are vulnerable they can start. He said they will be able to get it across the country. He said they will have drugs that will be helpful by then too. He said those drugs are coming. He said that if you do get it then you won't end up on a ventilator.
Robin asked if they will have to get a flu shot and a Coronavirus shot. Dr. Agus said the hope is that you don't get sick. He said he hopes that they will have drugs that will lessen the affect of the Coronavirus.
Howard asked what he thought of the 60 Minutes piece where they take blood of people who had Coronavirus and they were Asymptomatic and when they put it in people who had it they improved in a few days. Dr. Agus said he hates to say it but it was a bit of a misleading story. He said that the scientists are taking antibodies and making something that will be a new drug. He explained what they did on that show and said that the person who got better could have gotten better on their own.
Howard said that there are new cases every day around the country. He asked if people got together in one unified country and said put on your mask, no matter where you are, that we can get the COVID to go away. He said everything would improve in our lives and we won't do it in this county. Dr. Agus said we need people to step up and normalize this behavior. He said he wears a mask every day and his patients wear one. He said you can't get into his building unless you wear a mask.
Howard asked what kind of mask he should wear. He said he has that medical mask but not the N95. He said his mask moves up and down and doesn't stay on the face very well. He said the problem is that he's protecting them but they're not protecting him in his neighborhood.
Dr. Agus said he had to buy a bunch of masks to figure out what felt right. He said that he wears the medical masks at work. He said we are protecting others by wearing a mask. He said there are people who have to give up something by wearing those masks. He said we are at war with this virus and we have to stick up together to win. Howard said he wishes we could all just agree to wear a mask. He said the numbers would drop like crazy.
Dr. Agus said it takes about 1000 particles to get to you. He said speaking causes about 30 to 40 particles. He said wearing a mask cuts that down by a very large amount and he'd be able to speak to Howard for 10 hours before he'd be at risk. He said you have to be at a close distance to spread it. He said if you wear a mask you won't spread it at all.
Howard asked what Dr. Agus says about people who think they can't be reinfected. Dr. Agus said that immunity lasts 3-4 months. He said right now they really don't know. He said it's hard to figure that out because they don't have enough data. He said he thinks that you can get reinfected but he's not sure when. He said they don't know yet and they're learning as they go. He said the rules are changing all the time. He said they don't know about the vaccine either. He said it may last 6 months or maybe a year.
Howard said he hates that the country is not unified. He said he's wearing a mask and he knows people who aren't wearing masks. He said he has never seen so much confusion.
Howard asked if Dr. Agus would get a haircut at this point. Dr. Agus said if you did it outdoors it's much safer. He said it's not safe right now to go indoors. He said if you're outdoors it's safer. He said there's no good answer there. He said it's doable if it's outside.
Howard said he has a friend who went to get a test and they were not able to get one anywhere. He said even the medical person he knew wasn't able to get him tested. He asked if testing is not being done. Dr. Agus said testing is being done but it takes a day or 2 to get it back and that's too long. He said the new tests are coming out and they will be quicker. He said that they can tell you while you're there if you're positive. He said it still requires a big energy to get there. He said the tests are very reliable and more tests will be coming out soon. He said science will win out.
Howard said if you knew in 10 minutes if you have it or not then you could get a hair cut. Dr. Agus said that you could have that virus in your body and not know it. He said that's what they care about. He said the point of care tests are going to be out over the summer and that will make a big impact against the virus.
Howard asked if you go for a run or bike ride should you wear a mask. He said he had a guy ride right by him and he wasn't wearing a mask. Dr. Agus said that you should go to an area where here aren't people and you don't have to wear a mask. He said if there are people walking around then wear a mask.
Howard said he took his mask down when people weren't around. He said as soon as he sees someone he puts the mask on out of respect to them. He said this guy running ran right by his face with no mask on. He said he could have put it on for 2 minutes to protect him.
Dr. Agus said that we're in trouble if we don't step up. He said we can win if we do step up.
Robin asked Dr. Agus what he thinks about people saying the masks are bad for you and your immune system isn't working the right way if you wear one. Dr. Agus said that's just not true. He said you have to find a mask that fits right and feels comfortable and it's good. Dr. Agus said he and his family have different masks because they have different faces and feelings. He said the masks work and the data is there to prove it.
Howard asked Dr. Agus about going to the dentist for teeth cleaning and things like that. He said he won't go right now. He said he won't go to the eye doctor unless it's an emergency. Dr. Agus said that the notion that Howard likes getting his teeth cleaned is very strange to him. Howard said he misses it. He said he likes getting them cleaned. He said he won't get hair cut or go to the doctor or dentist. Dr. Agus said they have it set up so you never walk by someone in a hallway. He said that they give out masks in the garage and you park your own car. He said you go in and walk out to your car when you're done. He said they are able to do it safely. Howard said not every office is like that. He said that he's a cancer specialist and he has to do it that way.
Howard asked what is necessary to go to. He said his mother has a glaucoma situation and he asked her to wait as long as she can. He said the longer you wait you might be saving your life. He asked if he's being crazy. Dr. Agus said anything elective at 90 years old is something to put off. He said only do what's necessary. He said people who are lower risk can go to things like that. Dr. Agus said it's good to get your blood tested and things like that. He said there are going to be people who are going to die because they didn't go to the doctor during this time. Howard said he would go to the doctor if he wasn't feeling good but now he might put it off because of the risk.
Howard asked if there is any sign that the Coronavirus is getting weaker over time. He said this is the same Coronavirus that was there 4 months ago, right. Dr. Agus said classically they do get weaker over time. He said when you look at this one it has changed a bit but it's not weaker. He said you'll see a lot of things on the internet about how strong it is. He said it's not changing that much. He said it is what it was and it hasn't changed. He said the medical infrastructure is prepared now. He said that's what has changed. He said we know how to prevent it and how to wear PPE. He said we're in a better place than we were a few months ago but the virus is the same.
Howard asked if he hears people saying they don't have the virus where they live. He said he has friends in Arizona who say it's not there. Dr. Agus said the virus is everywhere in the country. He said they're seeing it in parts of the country that they didn't see before. He said they're having their peak while other areas are dropping.
Howard asked if we'll be able to eat bats after this is all over. Dr. Agus said many of the viruses we got have come from domesticated animals. He said that this is going to make us change the way we do things. He said we'll be much safer going forward from here.
Howard asked if he thinks in the fall we're going to have this ''second wave'' that they're saying we will. Dr. Agus said that we have to get rid of the first wave. He said that is still going. He said people who say there will be a second wave don't know what they're talking about. He said we don't know right now what's going to happen.
Howard said Dr. Agus thinks there's a good chance of a vaccine in a few months. Dr. Agus said the vaccines are real. He said the university that has a vaccine is Oxford and they are the least tech university. He said they had a head start on this vaccine and they popped in the COVID-19 and it appears to be working. He said our government is manufacturing a vaccine to have it ready for the fall. He said there will be a vaccine but they aren't sure it it's going to work. He said there are 5 being manufactured and 2 or 3 may work and we'll all be safe and able to go back to work.
Howard said that people are wondering if there will be football in the fall and if you can go to school in the fall. He said we don't know yet. Dr. Agus said we have to change our behavior and he doesn't know if they're going to do that. He said that going outdoors is good and we may not spread it so much if you're outside. He said when he sees behavior like bars being packed that's not good. Howard said that's what they're doing in Florida. Dr. Agus said he hates to see that. He said that people who say that you have to wear masks are getting death threats. He said that's not right. He said we're trying to protect people from dying.
Robin said that there are people getting their information from strange places out there. Howard said he thinks it's clear what he's saying. He said he is going to wear his mask and continue to social distance. He said he's going to pray to god that people will be willing to wear masks. He said just wear the mask and bring the numbers down.
Howard said he also found that he may have to take some risks. He said if he doesn't have to do something he's going to stay quarantined. He said he won't be going to dinner parties. He said he'd rather not take that risk. He said that's too risky for him.
Dr. Agus said pray for scientists. He said grey can win and they are out there working on cures and medications. Howard gave him a plug for that text number. He said feel free to text him and ask questions.
Howard asked Dr. Agus about this church that President Trump is speaking at that claims they have an air system that can get rid of COVID-19. Dr. Agus said that's just not true and they shouldn't be saying that. He said an air system can't get rid of it.
Howard thanked Dr. Agus for coming on the show today. He let him go and said that Beth signed up for that text thing and she thinks it's his real text number.
Robin said you have to stop complaining about wearing masks because you can't breathe. She said they're listening to quacks.
Howard said he's very clear on what he needs to do. He said it's not that complex. Robin said she was always sure she was staying in until there's a vaccine. Howard said he and Robin are able to work from home. He said there are people who can't do that. He said there are people who are letting their employees working from home. He said some people who drive or have to go out so the mask and the glove is the thing. He said distancing is another thing. He said he gets embarrassed when he's outside and wearing a mask. Robin said she wasn't clear on that. She said she's not sure if you still have to social distance with the mask on. Howard said you do. He said he even said you have to social distance at a barber shop. He said that sucks because his look is rapidly going downhill.
Gary said he has someone in his life that's very important to him and they got sick. He said this person is someone he'd risk going to visit to see what's going on. He said that he has to get on a plane to go visit. He said he wanted to get tested to find out if he can do that. He said there should be a national web site to tell you where to get tested. He said he tried to find something like that. He said he started making calls and everyone was saying that they don't do testing. He said one place said you had to have symptoms. He said another place said you can get a test if you don't have symptoms but you need a note from a doctor.
Gary said he wanted to find out what his insurance company said. He said they can't tell him where to get tested. He said there's a bit chain that tests and his friend said that they're not reliable. Gary said he spent an hour and 20 minutes on the phone and still doesn't have any answers. He said he's driven to do this so he's not sure what other people are thinking when they try to get tested.
Howard said this guy can't get tested and he has friends who are somewhat connected. He said he told Gary afterward that he has to not go. He said this person doesn't need him there. He said it would be good for that person but then you risk getting sick yourself. He said you could give this relative COVID-19. Gary said he found out that the area is such a hot spot right now that he wouldn't be able to go anyway. He said that only the spouse can see the person if they're in the hospital.
Howard said there is so much confusion out there and people are getting weary and rundown over it. He said that's why he had Dr. Agus on today. He said for the sake of America and for the sake of the audience just wear a mask. He said convince your friend to wear one too. Robin said it doesn't matter what your politics are, the mask helps.
Gary said there aren't ''millions of beautiful tests'' out there either. Howard said the testing thing was disheartening to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him to give out his phone number like Dr. Agus. Howard said unlike Dr. Agus, he's a scum bag. He said he won't give his number to anyone. He said he hates texting. He said most of the time he records what he says and sends it to people. He said he hates typing into the iPhone and all of that. He said he doesn't even carry his phone with him anymore because he hates it so much.
Robin said Howard is going to be miserable without his technology. Howard said he Zooms with people now. He said he likes that technology.
Howard thanked their sponsor for today's show which was Casper mattresses. He wrapped up and ended the show around 9:55am.
Howard started the show talking about his alarm going off this morning. He said he uses his iPhone as an alarm clock. He said it should have a cascading alarm that goes from soft to loud. He said he feels it's a mistake not to have that. He said it doesn't seem like a big deal to be able to do that. He said that phone is so powerful it should be able to do that. Robin said she's shocked he can't do that. Robin said she uses her phone as an alarm too. She said it's just loud. She never thought about complaining about it. Howard said he figured that Captain Dennis just came in and woke her up.
Howard said he thought that Jon Stewart had retired. He said he made another movie. He said he has a farm out in New Jersey and they save animals there. He said he got into it when someone found some stray goats and had them brought to his farm. He said the movie features a lot of cows so maybe they came from his farm. He said the movie is called ''Irresistible.''
Howard said Jason wrote to him that Android phones allow cascading alarms. He asked if he bought an app for that or does the phone just do it. Jason said he's using the built in app that came with the phone. He said it's an alarm and a timer and stopwatch. Howard asked why Apple doesn't do that. Jason said he thinks that they do it because they won't put anything into their phone until it's working 100 percent but Android is willing to take risks. He said that can be frustrating because sometimes things won't work right.
Howard asked Jason for some reasons for why Android is better than iPhone. Jason gave a few reasons like being more customizable. He said there are so many manufacturers that make them too. He said you can get cheap ones or high end phones. He said you're not tied into just Apple.
Howard asked who the real innovator is in phone technology. Robin said he hasn't gotten to all 5 reasons for having Android. Howard said he's ready to hang himself after just 2 reasons. Howard said there are 10 million other channels to tune into if you're ready to hang yourself too.
Howard asked Jason what other reasons he has for getting an Android. Jason said it's customizable. Howard said he said that already. Howard said Apple owners like their watches and things like that but Android has had that for years. Jason said he likes Apple stuff but he thinks the phones are better on Android. Howard asked how he gets everything to work with his phone and his Apple computers. Jason said they use apps that work across the board.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Apple phone has a cascading alarm. He said you can go into the clock settings and there is a ''bedtime'' setting that will cascade. Howard had the guy walk him through it to set it up. Howard said he doesn't get up at the same time every day. The caller said you can set it for every day. Howard thanked the guy for the call.
Howard said they should have it set up so you can set the alarm every time. He said he doesn't want to do that whole thing. He thanked the guy for the call and Fred played some ''thank you'' clips that Wolfie got of a guy getting his balls smacked.
Howard said he's watching the show and Beth walks in after doing the cat rounds. He said she gets in and asks what he's watching. He said she laughs at him when he tells her.
Howard said the actress who plays Stargirl is 21 but she looks maybe 16. Robin said it's good acting. Howard said it's like Jamie Foxx becoming Mike Tyson. Howard said this girl is young looking but wears belly shirts. He said he guesses it's okay to look at her then.
Howard said he asked Jon Hein about Stargirl and what the ratings are. He said Jon told him he might be the only one watching. Jon said there are maybe a million people watching.
Howard said Luke Wilson has this giant robot and it keeps getting its ass kicked. Robin asked what powers she has other than this staff. Howard said she's a good gymnast so she flips around on the staff. He said she can do anything with that staff. He said she's good unless it gets knocked out of her hand. Then she's fucked.
Howard said someone threw something at the staff and it blew up but then came back together and helped her again. He told Robin not to watch it because she won't want to work with him again.
Howard said he won't talk to Jon Stewart about watching this show because he'd laugh at him. Howard said he thinks Jon told him he likes those kind of shows last time he was on. Robin said maybe he was trying to humor him. Howard said maybe he was.
Howard asked Ronnie if this depression drove him to write this poem. Ronnie said he was talking to one of the writers and he was told he should write a poem. He said it wasn't really the depression. Howard said he sounds different now. He's not the same Ronnie. Ronnie said he's actually good because he got laid last night and it was great.
Ronnie said it is depressing lately. He said his friend opened up his restaurant the other night and he didn't go. Howard said good. Ronnie said he thought about doing a drive by but he thought about what's going on with Stephanie and all of that they don't want to be around people they don't know. He said being in a restaurant isn't a great idea.
Ronnie said they have a race at Pocono and he can't go to that and hang out with his friend there so it's all fucked up. Howard said he thinks that's a good thing when he can just sit at home and have an excuse. He said Ronnie is suffering though. He said he's like a grounded teenager now.
Howard said Ronnie had a miserable existence driving people around. He said that's a tough gig. Robin said the hours are crazy too. Ronnie said it was crazy. Howard said his life wasn't great. He said he had to drive kids around in the limo and the kids would boss him around. He said there were days when he first met him that he'd complain about working a prom the night before.
Ronnie said he had one group that was the worst he ever had. He said in all the years he did proms he had mostly good kids. He said the last year he did it he had a group that had a cooler in the car. He said they said it was only soda. He said they were stoping at houses to take pictures. He said they got louder and louder and the radio was blasting out the roof of the car. He said they're driving into the city to go to the prom and they're on the Long Island Expressway and they're going nuts. He said he finally had enough and took the cooler out. He said that he told them this was their prom and that's as far as they're going. He said they were saying they can do whatever they want. He said he told them to call their parents to come and get them. He said he sat there and the parents were calling him and asking what this was. He said he told them their kids were drinking and they said ''so what.'' He said he told the parents he was going to take them to the prom and leave them there. He said he did that and that was the end of it. He said it was the end of him doing proms too.
Howard said Ronnie got on the air and got very popular. He said at 70 he was living the dream. He said he has a hot young fiancee and things are going great. He said then COVID-19 took it all away. He said now he's sitting in his house and can't go out. He said he'd be out there eating and carrying on and screaming out ''Cunt'' if he was able to go out.
Howard said Ronnie was going to Mexico for weddings and stuff. Ronnie said it was great but now he's sitting there thinking too much. He said he has too much time to think. He said now he's over 70 and heading for 71 and wondering how much more time he has left. He said now he has to sit there and do nothing.
Robin said this is his good time being used up. Howard said he was friends with Kurt Busch and going on the Gold Rush Rally and all of that. He said don't ask what was going on. He was in movies and hanging out with Adam Sandler and going to an Aerosmith concert and hanging out on stage.
Howard said Ronnie was having a great time and living the life. He said don't ask how great it was. He said he was like Rodney Dangerfield. He said that Ronnie was having a great time and he's 70 years old and he can enjoy the rest of his life. He said then COVID-19 hits. Ronnie said he has that right.
Howard said Ronnie's shit hardened up because he's sitting around too much. He said this is only month 3. He said this is going to go on and on in our third world country. Ronnie said he's going to break eventually. Howard told him to hang in there.
Ronnie said they had to cancel trips twice already to Vegas. He said it sucks. Howard said now Ronnie is a housewife and a nurse to his animals. He said his fiancee goes to work and he's maintaining the house. Ronnie said he has a load of laundry in already. He said Sunday and Wednesday is laundry day there.
Howard said he went from big shot to housewife. Ronnie said that's right. He said he's watering the lawn at night too. Howard said he went from Mr. Strip Club to Mr. Mom.
Howard said Ronnie is depressed and he gets it. Ronnie said he wrote this poem yesterday and he told John about it over the weekend. He said he wrote this poem in about 10 minutes yesterday. He said he wasn't into it before that. He said then it just came out. Howard said most of his poetry is about pussy. Ronnie said yeah.
Howard said this came pouring out of him. Ronnie said it did. He said he wrote the first word sand then he just came out. He said it's not the greatest but it's his. Howard said some of the best songs in history were written in 10 minutes.
Howard said this is Walt Dim Whitman or Ronald Mund. He had him read his poem. Ronnie said it's called The Virus. In the poem he talks about the virus in the poem and having symptoms and going to work in the city. He talks about passing out and ending up in the hospital.
Howard said that was like God was talking right through him with that. Robin said that's the best poem he's ever written. Howard asked Ronnie Puppet if he has been working on anything. Fred went into a poem Ronnie Puppet had written. His poem was about getting Stephanie to squirt and moving to Vegas.
Howard asked Ronnie about the part of the poem where he goes to the boss's door. He asked why he has to be exposed to the virus. Ronnie said he feels like shit and it's too late. Howard asked why he would tell him to his face. Ronnie said he doesn't know he has Coronavirus in the poem. Howard said just go to the hospital and don't bother him. Ronnie said thanks. He said if he passed out he'd walk right over him and out of his office.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Grim Ronnie is bumming him out. He said ever since he told him he has to quarantine he's been bummed out. Howard said Ronnie is done. The caller told him not to give up.
Howard said Ronnie has a lot on his mind. Robin said he has too much time to think. Ronnie said he wakes up in the middle of the night and he can't remember what the dreams were that woke him up. He said there's shit piling on his head all the time. He said everyone is going through this but this is his end of it.
Howard said he doesn't know what to say to cheer him up. He said he understands the position he's in. Ronnie said he and Stephanie spend a lot of time talking and sitting outside. He said that's been good.
Howard said he heard that his brain isn't tired enough at night so that might be why he's having the dreams. Ronnie said he just thinks too much.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he would switch places with Ronnie in a second. He said he runs across people all the time at these warehouses when he drives his truck and he can't even get tested. Ronnie said he works for a guy who put him on the air and he's very lucky.
Howard said there were over 33,000 new cases of Coronavirus reported in this country yesterday. He said we're a third world country at this point. Robin said they're starting to allow travel in Europe soon but this country isn't one of the countries they can travel to.
Howard asked who is calling Ronnie. Ronnie said there's an asshole who got his number and he calls all the time. He said he's going to have him charged with harassment. Ronnie said he calls all the time.
Howard told Ronnie to pick up. Ronnie did and the guy hung up. He said the guy is a big telephone tough guy.
Howard said they say there are drive up strip clubs now. Ronnie said that's no fun. He said they opened up down in Florida. Howard said the cases are all going up around the country. He said no one believes the NY Times though.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked him for having Dr. Agus on yesterday. He said he's full of angst and that guy is a breath of fresh air. He said he wishes the country had leadership like him. He said they had over 5,000 new cases down there in Texas. He said he's on his way to a meeting where they have optional masks. He said he doesn't want to be that person who doesn't go. Robin asked if he feels okay not wearing a mask. The guy said he was one of 3 people out of 20 who was wearing a mask. He said it was a working lunch and there was a guy who coughed and put his napkin back on the table.
Howard said we're now ashamed of telling people to get out of the room. He said this is why Texas, Florida and all of these states are going up. He said that he's sorry he had to go through that.
Howard thanked Ronnie and Ronnie Puppet for coming on. He said he was talking to his aunt Mildred last night and his father is turning 97 next month. He said she's younger than him but still in her 90s. He said he asked her how she's doing and she said she's being safe and sticking to her routine. He said she gets up every day and gets dressed and sticks to her routine. He said she was very happy about that. He said you don't want to hear that people are giving up. Ronnie said he still puts on Mambo every day.
Howard said New York State had less than 600 new cases of Coronavirus. He said in Florida they had over 3000. He said that nothing is changing down there. Ronnie said grey had a thing about Miami yesterday and they had hundreds of people in a bar and no one was wearing a mask of any kind.
Howard said in Texas they had just under 5500 new cases. He said multiply that by who knows how many. Ronnie told Robin to be careful down where she's at because it's bad there too. Robin said she's not going anywhere.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he fell down yesterday. He said he had to call 911. Robin asked if he can;t get up. Jeff said no. Howard said this guy calls 911 so much. He said it's like his own personal concierge. He said he has fallen many times and calls 911. Jeff said he told them not to send an ambulance. He said he didn't hurt himself but he needed help getting up.
Howard asked if he had a neighbor he could call instead. Jeff said he tried calling his niece but she was away camping. He said they tried to get someone to come over but it didn't work. He said he had to call 911.
Howard asked if they know Jeff by this point. Jeff joked that they do know him by his first name. Robin asked what made him fall over. Jeff said he ran into his chair. Howard said he's a drunk. Jeff said he wasn't drinking. He said he wasn't fucking drunk. Howard said that's even worse. Robin asked what made him fall. Jeff said he was going to the bathroom.
Howard asked if he was high from smoking weed. Jeff said yeah but that had nothing to do with it. He said he got off balance from walking quickly. Robin asked if he can't roll over. Jeff said not with his dead arm. Howard said he has to go. Robin said he wasn't always calling 911 for this stuff. She said he must be out of shape. Howard said when they send a team to help him out it must cost him money. Jeff said yeah. Howard said he has to figure out a better way. He said 911 is for emergencies. Jeff said he realizes that. Howard said he's clogging up the lines for people who need real help.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they deal with this all the time. He said grey go on these runs all the time and grey could be held up from a fire down the street or something. Howard told Jeff to stop all of that and come up with a better plan. Robin said smoke on the toilet instead. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said there's a channel called Lithium and this guy Tom Morello from Rage Against the Machine hosts a show that's really good. He said he listens to the channel all day and he comes on with his mom and she's a super radical woman. He said Tom talks about music and how he got to hang with Joan Jett and stuff like that. He said he tells really good stories and does a music show. He said it's refreshing because he plays whatever he wants to. He said he's really good. He said they should hire him full time.
Howard got Jon Stewart on and asked where he's at in his house. Jon said he's in his attic in his house. Howard asked if that's his farm. Jon said the farm is about 20 minutes from the house. He said it's a large farm. He said they have the animals on the property so they have someone there all the time.
Howard said Jon used to host the Daily Show and everyone knows who he is. He said he and his wife bought a place in Jersey and they take in animals that need to be saved. He said they have saved goats that have escaped from places and cows that got out of slaughterhouses and things like that. Howard said he loves that Jon is doing it. He said it's a 45 acre farm. Jon said they farm stuff on about 10 actress of agricultural too. He said it's a lot of work.
Howard asked if the cows in the movie are his cows. Jon said they actually don't have any cows. He said they have a manure load they can have on the property and they can't have that. He said goats and sheep are a lot easier on acreage because they don't have the same manure load. He said he'd guess that he's lost about 80 percent of his audience at this point. Howard said not at all. Jon said maybe 92 percent. He went into more manure load talk and said they have to balance that all out.
Howard asked if the town would stop him from having a cow at this point. Jon said they do have to sign a covenant there. He said they have to say that they won't have pigs within 20 feet of the property line.
Howard said they say that pigs are able to understand commands like a dog and does he have an emotional attachment to them. Jon said sure. He said they're individuals. He said they're not having long conversations with them but they are playful and happy. He said they're everything you love about animals. He said it's sheep, goats and all of them. He said sheep are crazy. He said you sit down and they all come over to you and want you to pet them. He said it's astonishing that when you spend time with them and see their personalities. He said they have a fainting goat that is old and he's the dominant guy in the herd. He said they have more sheep than anything. He said this goat, Levi, will come over and take the attention away from the sheep. He said he starts pounding everyone away.
Howard asked if they have to feed them or do they feed on the grass. Jon said grazing isn't enough. He said they have to feed them something other than that. He said they feed pigs twice a day. He said they have salt licks and mineral licks too. He said the animals aren't particularly healthy and they are fragile. He said the end up with pneumonia and things like that. He said its like running a nursing home. He said they're all fragile and they all have their own stories. He said they have people there to take care of them. He said he gets the pleasure part of it and he'll help out around the farm. He said he's not the one doing the full farmer in blue jeans thing. He said they have people who understand how to care for them.
Howard asked if he is deluged with requests to help. Jon said yes. Howard said it must be heartbreaking. Jon said it is. He said animal rescue isn't the most efficient way of doing animal agriculture. He said it's like spitting in the ocean. He said it's an overwhelming issue. He said it's the same with cats and dogs too. He said that they're very passionate about what they're doing though. He said it's a long term thing. Jon said they know that they can't make people change the way they eat so this is a personal thing for them. Howard said we have to look at what we're doing with animals. Jon said just look at the pandemic and you see that. He said that the live markets in China and other things and we do have to look at that. He said the way that animals are treated and dealt with is a breeding ground for these viruses and pandemics.
Howard said he wants to know more about the farm thing. Jon said there are others that have more insight than he does. He said he's not the best advocate for this. Howard said his impression about where he was at was that he was retired. He said he didn't know he made a new movie. Jon said he thought he was done too. He said he likes to work. He said he was tired of that one grind. He said he wanted to do different things. He mentioned an animation studio he was running.
Howard asked what animated studio he was working on. Jon said he wanted to do real time animation. He said he wanted to do a parody news station with real time animation. He said they found this animation render engine called Octane that does it in real time. He said they were going to do that through motion capture and render it immediately. He said he built this whole thing and then about a year and a half into it they realized that the technology wasn't there yet and the tech for HBO wasn't there yet either.
Howard said he wrote an animated show called Howard Stern the High School Years. He said he sold them and he was going to animate them. He said they wanted to do a cheap animation that wouldn't have worked. He said it was like a million dollars for a half hour episode. He said they haven't gotten there yet. Jon said animators will spend 4 days making an old man's eyes to have enough pathos to make you cry while watching ''Up.'' He said he was asking them to have that done by 2. He said they were trying to get it so they could have improv actors act it all out. He said it wasn't capturing it with the comedy aspect. He said the other problem is that the actor was looking at the camera and no one was home. He said it was like Uncanny Valley. He said at a certain point it will happen and they will be able to do it right and do it in a way that makes sense. He said they had a lot of fun trying to figure it out but it was a bear.
Howard asked if it's a bummer when it fails like that. Jon said it was fun but no one walks into it wanting it to fail. He said Howard knows that you can branch out and do things other than what he does. He said it's just about having a career. He said that it's about making shit in the hopes that people will want to watch it.
Howard said he told his wife he was having Jon on the show and he was thinking about how he picks a lane but then he goes into another one. He said he thought he was a great stand up and then he went into hosting. He said he thought he was great at that. He said then he changed it again and walked away from that and did the farming thing. He said he admired that. He said now he's writing and directing movies. He said he always surprises him.
Howard said he thought he hated doing stand up but he did some stuff with Chappelle. Jon said he bores easily. He said he does a variety of things so he never gets really good at it. He said he never masters it.
Howard said Jerry Seinfeld explains stand up to him. He said that he says it requires a slavish devotion to writing jokes every day. Jon said to get to that level that Jerry and Chappelle are at you do have to do that. He said he can go back to 1989 and watch something Jerry did and still laugh his ass off. He said he's the best craftsman working. He said Dave Chappelle is just on a different level. He said Bill Burr is on another level too. He said to feed stand up you have to step outside of that factory mentality that Howard is talking about. He said it can turn into a factory like job if you do it the way Howard was saying.
Howard said you look at Jay Leno. He said he used to go see him and he was the most outrageous. He said then he became a TV host and he got homogenized. He said that when these guys focus on stand up it somehow propels them into another level. Jon said that Chris Rock will go off and do something else but when he wants to do stand up he will plan out a tour for 9 months and hone that material to get it to the place he wants it. He said then he's done and he'll move on and do other things. He said the singular focus has to have a time horizon on it or you lose your mojo. He said you have to almost focus it on something else. He said Dave Chappelle is astonishing at the way he creates. He said they will be on tour for a couple of weeks and by the time they get back he has 20 minutes on something that happened to them in a restaurant. He said that he is one of the most astonishing stand ups he's ever been around.
Howard said it seems like Jerry writes down everything on a pad and tries it out. He said Dave will make stuff up on the spot. He said maybe one isn't better than the other. He asked what Jon does. Jon said you need the audience. He said Dave is like a Jazz artist and he goes out there and just creates. He said he operates like that.
Howard asked Jon if he has an act right now. He said he's out of touch. Jon said he just takes his bits that he did back in the Bush years and switches out some names. Jon said you're always thinking of new things. He said he has a decent sense of when a bit has legs or not. He said he has done it long enough that he can stand up on stage and stitch together some old stuff with new musings. He said he can do that for a week and end up with a tighter group. He said you have to do it a bunch to get it down.
Howard asked if it drives him crazy that he's not at the top of his game in stand up. Jon said that Howard is top of his game because he focuses on that one thing. Jon said he is very self critical and he doesn't do just one thing.
Howard said he didn't even know he was doing this movie. He said he thought he was on a farm sticking his arm up a cow's ass or something. Howard said Jon doesn't sit around thinking about the Daily Show and doing that at this time when there is so much news. He said he needed to express something with this film so he did that. He asked how he did it. Jon said when they did Private Parts it's like anything else. He said you do a first draft and file it down. He said that it's the art of creating. He said he gets joy from making things. He said he remembers back when he was doing the Daily Show and people asking if he was nervous about taking over the show. He said his option was not to do anything. He said that he had to take his chances. He said there's a reason why he's not still bartending in Trenton, New Jersey. He said that he has something to contribute. He said a lot of this is luck so you get to continue to do that for a career and over time your growth as a human goes into your art. He said you hope the things you make are still of interest to people.
Howard said he must worry about the criticism that he might get. Jon said the movie is getting some negative reviews. He said some of it is positive. He said that with the Daily Show it's not the same. He said that grey were reacting to things you say and it's a lot of churn.
Howard asked if it's paralyzing that people are yapping about things being good or bad all day. Jon said it can be draining. He said we all talk shit. He said that it's become a game. He said you can't wear it too hard. He said when the movie is released they have an embargo on the reviews. He said they have screenings and advance copies and all of that. He said you think you know how people are going to receive it. He said they were feeling good about how it was going to go. He said when it drops you're watching that Rotten Tomatoes score like it's the Dow Jones Industrial. He said you're riding that hard. He said if it comes up low or lower than you thought it makes you feel nauseous. He said you pay your money and you take your chances.
Jon said the thing that worried him the most was his kids. He said they're teenagers and you want them to be proud of you. He said when you make something you want them to know. He said daddy hasn't been a star for a while now. He said it was exciting for them when he was working on it. He said he had to come down at dinner and tell the kids that his movie has been reviewed and there have been some punches thrown. He said that he wanted them to know just in case their pals threw them some shit. He said he was really sorry about that. He said the kids went online and started quoting the reviews. He said it was like ''Stewart's film is anything but Irresistible.'' Jon said it broke his mood a bit. He said that this moment we're in also adds to people's upset.
Howard said Jon is a victim of his own success. He said that he puts out a movie and he thinks he has it all figured out. He said they're looking at it like it's the Daily Show but it's something he probably wrote 2 years ago. Jon said it was more than that. Jon said he's not a victim of anything. He said he doesn't have a bone in his body that goes ''Whoa is me.''
Howard said he thinks that the lesson he taught his kids is more than anything. He said he showed the kids that he did this thing for a living but he doesn't take it too seriously. He said he wasn't making them miserable and carrying on about the reviews. He said he applauds him for that. He said that's really good parenting there. Jon said that was his plan all along.
Howard said his father would come home all angry and he took it out on him. Jon said if he was raising Howard it might have come out differently. Howard said that's probably true. Jon said one of the biggest things is that he can be very defensive. He said he was raised in a critical environment. He said it creates a reflux to attack if you've been attacked. He said its kind of like stand up. He said that he was good with hecklers. He said you show no mercy like Braveheart. He said you can dismantle someone in a comedy club and it's humiliating for them. He said his life has been a journey of going from obnoxious to witty. He said he's trying to tame and learn about the things inside him. He said that he's working on that and your biggest fear is saddling your children with your demons. Howard said that's right.
Jon said he doesn't like to be wrong because it embarrasses him. He said he has tried not to do that. He said when you do that then you have an epiphany. He said he realizes that people worked so long on this movie and he's upset that they dropped it at the wrong time. He said that he feels that if you watch the movie you'll like it. He said not everybody but a lot will.
Howard said if he gets a bad comment on something he thinks that no one likes him. He said even his wife. He said he projects it all on other things if he gets something negative. He said Jon is pretty strong willed. He said when you're the writer and director he has to get Steve Carell to do a good job and all of that. He said he even has this guy who looks like Fred Norris in the movie. Jon said that's Chris Cooper.
Jon said his picture was on the back page of the NY Post when his late night show got canceled and they had him as a target. He said he has done things in his career where he thought he had made it. He said he got on Letterman and he still lived in an apartment where he had a hole n the floor where he could see rats. He said he got his show canceled and everyone lost their job. He said you feel that and it burns but he can still write jokes. He said that the thing he feared the most didn't dismantle him.
Jon said it's taken him a long time to figure out the balance in his life. He said he worked his ass off to get there. He said if you allow it to be driven by demons and bitterness it's not going to work. He said he knows people who have had incredible success but they haven't enjoyed it because they're so bitter. He said that you wonder how much better this shit could have worked out for them. He said they still lash out about stuff and it's not clear why.
Howard asked why it is that people are like that. He asked if it's going back to the age old thing that they were fucked by their parents. Jon said when a baby doesn't know anything else exists but it then it has to learn that things don't revolve around them. He said you can get that or you try to bend the world to revolve around you. Howard said that's narcissism. Jon said that's ultimately what that is. He said sometimes it doesn't work out for you unless you're the President.
Howard said these people will freak out because that path is supposed to be perfect for them and there isn't supposed to be failure for them. Jon said lets take Trump as an example. He said he is the ultimate victim. He said he has no real bump in the road. He said it's always ''poor little billionaire President.'' He said he's not sure what he's so mad about that he has to lash out. He said he thinks he's a counter puncher but he doesn't know what's really an attack or just not enough praise. He said he's attacking FOX News and that's like a 24 hour a day rim job channel for him. He said even that's not enough for him. He said you begin to realize there is not enough for him. He said it's about the deep abscess in him. He said that he has his name on buildings and shits in a gold toilet. He said he's wondering why people are so mean to him. Jon said just suck it up. He said that's a deep flaw in that guy. He said that's why it's so difficult to have in that position at this moment.
Howard said it has to be a shitty way to live. Jon said he would think it is but then again he's a billionaire president. He said it has to be fun too. Howard said if there was a news network that compliments him all day and then one thing during that day throws you off that has to be a hard way to live.
Jon said this is a guy who had sex with an adult film star right as his wife had a baby. He said he pays her off not to say anything and uses money from his election fund to pay her off. He said the guy gets off and his lawyer goes to jail for him. He said the guy thinks he's invincible. He said he's never held to account. He said that what you learn is that you can be reckless. He said he's like that guy in that movie ''Unbreakable'' where he just walks away. He said that's the lesson.
Howard said he thinks in the new movie that his philosophy is that the guys in Washington aren't as smart as the people in the Hinterlands. He said he thinks that he has disdain for the people who manipulate behind the scenes. Jon said he does have that disdain but it's not about people being better than others. (Jon gave a long explanation that I wasn't able to follow. I apologize.)
Howard said one of his favorite things in the movie was that Carell had this girl on the farm and you are led to believe that he is going to get his younger chick. He said the idea is that she turns to him and asks if he's out of his fucking mind. He said he loves that. He said he thought he was going there but Jon went the other direction.
Howard said it has to be disappointing on some level that there hasn't been a big premiere. He said that it has to be disappointing. Jon said it may be one of the worst effects of this pandemic. He said he sees all of these people on the front lines dying but he doesn't get to have his big premiere. Jon said the promotion is actually the worst part of this whole thing. Howard said the movie is a great movie for people who are in their home. He said you can buy it On Demand. Jon said it is. Howard said it's an interesting way to sell a movie. Jon said it's different for sure.
Howard said it can't open in any theaters. Jon said he can't imagine how a theater would do it. He said we know in the Northeast that you don't want it in your area. He said you might think that no one is sick but he can't imagine having it in a theater.
Howard asked Jon if he's socializing at all. Jon said he's not a social person at all. He said he's a bit of a recluse. He said in some ways for them hunkering down is good because they knows where the kids are. He said they don't get hair cuts and they don't have people cleaning the house. Howard said it looks like he had a hair cut. Jon said he looked like Einstein or Christopher Lloyd from Back to the Future. He said he just cut it down a bit. He said he was getting ''Jew Fro'' really bad.
Howard said his hair is a mess. He said Beth said she would cut it but he's just going to let it go. Jon said that's what hats are for. He said they're for pandemics. He said what's really crazy about this pandemic is that they're near that age where they say you might want to stay in. He said he's 57. Howard said he's almost 10 years older than him so he's really freaked out. Jon said Jews age like avocados. He said they go bad in like 3 minutes.
Jon said he was reading about the 1918 pandemic and what it was like for them back then. He said they told people to stay in if you can and socially distance. He said grey said wear a mask if you go out. He said this was 100 years ago and it's the same thing. He said he hopped the advice would be different. He said you hope it would seem like a different time but it was the same 102 years ago. He said that we don't have any better advice. He said that's what frightened him about this.
Howard said it drives him crazy that people aren't wearing masks. Jon said it became politicized in a way that was surprising to him. He said he has had operations before and the doctor wears a mask. He said he's doing it for a reason. He said he's not a left wing lunatic. He said it's to stop the spread of infection.
Howard said he had Dr. Augs on the show yesterday and they talked about how wearing a mask can cut back the spread to 18 percent. He said that people are acting like they have to remove an arm.
Jon said he is not a particularly skilled bomb maker but he still can't go on a plane with more than 3 ounces of fluids.
Howard asked if he read that he is teaching himself how to play the drums out on the farm. Jon said he is. Howard asked why the drums. He said the drummer doesn't get the girls. Jon said he gave that up a long time ago. He said he has a small drum set. Howard asked why the drums though. Jon said when he left the show he knew his brain wasn't the kind that should be left alone for very long. He said it goes from thinking he had a nice career to thinking he failed everyone. He said he was burnt out and he wanted to challenge himself with other things. He said he found a guy who was a drummer and now he's a good friend. He said he went on YouTube and learned different stuff. He said learning guitar was going to be a long slog. He said to be able to pluck Blackbird would have taken a really long time. He said he knows how to bang on shit with a stick.
Howard asked if the fantasy is to get good enough to impress someone or play with a band or something. He said he learned guitar to play on radio. He said he has to have an end game here. Jon said it does sound pretty lame when he puts it that way.
Howard asked Jon who he thinks is the best drummer. Jon said he liked James Brown's drummer Clyde Stubblefield.
Howard said he has been painting for about 5 years now. He said he constantly wonders if he's a beginner or if he's as good as other artists. He said he wonders where he is in all of that. He said he's not sure why it's a hang up. Jon asked if Robin has any hobbies like that. Robin said she gives them all up before she gets good. She said she just tries it out and then moves on. Howard said he sends his paintings to Robin. He said her hobby is hobbies. He said her hobby is hobbies.
Howard said Jon's movie is premiering this Friday On Demand. He said the movie is called ''Irresistible.'' He said he has to make some money or it'll be bad for his self esteem. Howard asked if Brad Pitt is the guy who put up the money for this movie. Jon said no. He said it's his production company. He said the company is called Plan B. He said there are two guys that run it day to day. He said grey were the ones he was dealing with.
Howard said that he had to think about people putting up money for anything he ever had to do and he had to do well for them. Jon said that's why he likes to go low budget.
Howard asked Jon about writing the script and getting Steve Carell for it. Jon said he wrote it for Steve. He said he had him in mind from the start. He said Steve read it and said he wanted to do it so then they were able to get all of the other people.
Howard said at one point in the movie they go to CNN and about 17 pundits are on the screen at the same time. He said that was a great mockery of what goes on.
Howard said he likes that Joe Scarborough and Mika were in the movie. He asked if he went to FOX News or anyone. Jon said he didn't want to be overly populated with that. He said they had CNN, FOX and MSNBC and they had the same woman playing the part. He said that's the fun stuff that you'll pick up on if you watch carefully. He said he thinks it's funny.
Howard said the movie takes place in Wisconsin but they didn't shoot it there. Jon said he would have loved to have shot it there but the people who give you the money tell you where to shoot it. He said he did it in Georgia because they give you a huge tax break there.
Howard asked Jon what is next for him. He said he has done it all. He said he has done stand up, hosted a show that shook the world and more. He asked Jon what it was like doing a show like that because it really was powerful. He asked if he was ever threatened in ways that got people to tell him to stop fucking with them or else. Jon said of course. He said death threats are not new. Howard asked if people would fuck with him. Jon said the death threats came from people around the country that were fired up. He said they took stands about things that were polarizing. He said that they didn't get threats from the President about taking him out with a smart bomb or anything. He said he was called down to the White House a few times.
Howard asked why he was called to the White House. Jon said it was during the Obama years. He said they were like an island on that channel and that's the way they wanted it. He said that he used to talk about how when they left the show the people in the writer's room were the only friends they were going to have. He said the White House was concerned that they were making people cynical with their constituency. He said everything is funny until it's your guy. He said everyone has their defensiveness about criticism. He said that's fine but that was the general tenor for why he was called down to the White House.
Howard said he must have been weird for him. He said if he made a comment about the left they tell him he's out of his lane. Jon said they were clearly on the left but the right likes to pretend that they don't suffer from the same thing. He said the big thing in the world right now is language policing. He said the right likes to pretend that the left is intolerant. He said it's all nonsense and all shit. He said the right says they're for free speech but Trump wants to sue CNN for a poll they took.
Howard said he sees that it's getting late. He said he can see that Jon is drinking something there. Jon said he has a coffee. Howard said he had to stop drinking coffee. He said he doesn't drink or smoke either.
Howard asked Jon about a blackboard he has behind him with wrestler names on it. Jon said this is his kid's playroom from when they were little. He said they got older and they have retired to their own rooms. He said he's up there with their old stuff. He said he's just too lazy to erase it.
Howard said he has to sum up. Jon said he has to say this was fun to talk to them. Howard said this has been great. He said that the last time he was on they were talking about Louis C.K. and stuff like that. Howard asked if he's watching Stargirl on the CW. Jon didn't know what that was. Howard said he knows he watches those shows. Jon said they watched The flash and Arrow. Howard said he no longer watches those. He said he's on Stargirl. Jon wanted to guess what it is. He said a young hot girl comes from another planet... Howard said no. He said it is a young girl who looks young enough to be his granddaughter. He said he won't waste his time with that.
Howard went over what they covered with Jon today. Robin asked if he ever watches The Daily Show now. Jon said not on a regular basis. He said he checks in on occasion. He said he didn't even watch it when he was on it. He said it revs him up. He said he has been impressed when he has watched it. He said he'll see clips and he's impressed. Howard asked if he has a financial interest in it. Jon said no but that would be nice.
Howard said Jon has said that Trevor Noah has elevated the show to some place that he never could have gotten it. Jon said the evolution of the show was opening their eyes to the realities of the business that's around them. He said they were a bunch of white guys making fun of things and evolving past that took a long time. He said that the people they hired were interns and they came from a certain socioeconomic area. He said that it took a long time to fix. He said that they started paying interns and that brought in a much more diverse group. He said they had veterans come in to work and learn about the business too. He said they found the veterans to work for the show. He said what they used to do was diversity for diversity sake. He said they weren't changing the system doing it that way. He said they had to change the way they did things. He said even he didn't see what they were doing wrong. He said he'd get called out on things and he was defensive about it.
Howard said that's a really good fucking point. Jon said it took 16 years to change things over there. He said for Trevor it's something that already flows through him. He said that it makes the show better. He said the show was better. He said it became stronger. He said they were better and they weren't as shallow when they changed things. He said the show grew exponentially from those other voices. He said it took longer than it should have.
Jon said that Long Island is the perfect microcosm of this. He said Howard grew up there. He said the mindset is that black people are responsible for their own poverty. He said that they say if they just pulled themselves up by the bootstraps they'd be fine. He said when the vets came back from the war they had the G.I. Bill and black people were not allowed to buy in Levittown. Robin said they had a clause that said it could destroy the housing value. Jon said they were not allowed to buy into those neighborhoods. He said as they're building equity in Levittown people in Hempstead and Roosevelt were losing value. He said there were racist policies that created the projects. He said it didn't just happen, it was built purposely.
Howard said he's listening to Jon making so much sense and he's taking drum lessons. He said he has to stop that. Jon said you can imagine how bad he is at the drums. He said a neighbor stopped by the other day and said that she hears their son playing and he's getting better.
Howard said he misses hearing Jon's voice on TV. He said he has to sum up again. He said he has said so much. Jon said he has probably said too much. Jon said he's sure that he's going to hear that he has been going on too long when he's out promoting this movie. Howard said he's going to be glad he got away from the Daily Show. He said he looks good and he imagines him directing that movie in his chair with a megaphone.
Howard asked if he likes telling Carell to take it down a notch. Jon said that man made his job so easy.
Howard asked if he's ever tempted to work in his own movies. Jon said he's not bathed in glory in the movies he's been in.
Howard said this has been good to catch up with Jon. Howard said he does think about how decent Jon Stewart is. He said if he had friends that's the kind of guy he would want to be his friend. Jon said if he wasn't a recluse he would be his friend. Howard said he is one of his heroes. He gave him more plugs for the movie and let Jon go.
Howard said he went to a friend's house for dinner in his back yard once. He said there was an actor there and he can't remember his name. He said it was the kid from Dawson's Creek. He said he played Pacey. He said he was sitting there and he figured he'd go talk to him. He said he was also on that show on FOX called Fringe. He said he loved that show too. He said they were all sitting around and not talking. He said he was dating Diane Kruger at the time. Robin said his name is Joshua Jackson. Howard said that would have been a good thing to ask him. He said he thought about not asking the guy a question but then he changed and asked how they met. He said Josh and Diane told him their story. He said he ended up asking about Dawson's Creek and he figures he was out there for about 2 hours asking questions. He said it was really interesting. He said he spent time doing an interview that his audience would have liked. Howard said his wife told hi it was fascinating. He said he felt really close to the guy and thought that he'd be a friend. He said he never heard from him again. He said it must have been a nightmare for the guy. He said he must have hated the discussion. He said he felt really bad about doing that. He said he probably had a horrible night.
Howard said he's sure that everything he does is wrong. He said he doesn't think Josh enjoyed the talk. He said he must have thought he was grilling him like a Yenta.
Robin said Howard never turns this off. Howard said he would go to parties and he would be miserable. He said it dawned on him that he should meet one person and have a real conversation. He said that's what he does to this day. He said he won't circulate. He said he just talks to one person. Howard said this is what he would do if he was at a party with Jon Stewart. He said he'd just talk to him for an hour and 45 minutes.
Howard said he got together with Jerry Seinfeld and they had a great conversation. He said Jerry wanted to talk about what his plans are for his future. He said he ended up asking Jerry about his future though. He said that was very nice of Jerry to do that for him though.
Howard said that people wrote in and agreed with Michael Rapaport about Mariann being a bully. Howard read some of those comments. He had some from the other point of view too. Someone said they hope that Rapaport dies from COVID-19 so they can celebrate with his family.
Howard had Mariann back on the line and she was defending herself again over the comments that Michael Rapaport had about her. Howard read her some other comments they got about the feud. Howard said she did take a little bit if a hit in the email. Mariann said she didn't look to latch on to him. She said he latched on to her. Howard let her go off on him for a short time.
Mariann was going on and on so Howard hung up on her. She mentioned the piece in the Daily News that Robin wrote so Howard read some feedback about that article. She got a lot of nice comments about it. Howard said he's sure you can find that article online.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to follow up on the Sean Penn interview. He asked if he would make his book now or would he be the number one interview. Howard said if you spend time listening to that it was a pretty mind blowing commentary on that guy and what he's up to. He said he didn't know a lot about the guy. He said the problem with putting out the book is that he's still interviewing people. He said Sean was great on the show.
Howard said he thinks the same about Jon Stewart. He said he has been coming on the show since back in the day. He said he's a great thinker too. He said he thought what he said to his kids about the movie was great. He said he just seems like a really good dude.
Howard took a call from a 12 year old, Sammy, and asked what this quarantine is like for him. Sammy said that it's not too hard at this point. He said he stays 6 feet from his friends.
Howard asked Sammy what he's doing this summer. Sammy said he used to go to camp and play travel baseball. He said he's able to play that this summer so he's been practicing. Howard asked how that works. He asked if they have to wear masks. Sammy said everyone but the batter has to wear a mask. He said no one is allowed in the dugout. He said they have to stay outside. Howard asked if he's hoping the virus prevents the start of school or does he want to go back. Sammy said he wants to go to school but not get sick. He said they may do 1 or 2 days of school a week or maybe half days. Howard said it's all speculation at this point.
Howard asked if Sammy is an innocent or is he getting into girls yet. Sammy said he's an innocent. Howard said being into girls ruined his life. He said it's good to stay the way he is.
Sammy said he's a big fan of his and he used to watch him on America's Got Talent. He said he remembers hearing Sal hypnotized and losing his penis. He said he has listened to his show every day since then.
Howard asked Sammy if he's able to listen to Jon Stewart or does he want to hear more things like Sal being hypnotized. Sammy said he can listen to the whole show. He said it's really interesting. He said he likes hearing about other people.
Howard said he when he was 12 it was rough for him. He said at 13 his nose started to grow. He said he should try to enjoy this year if he can. Howard said he had a girlfriend at that age and he was still cute.
Howard asked Sammy which of his staffers he likes and dislikes. Sammy said he likes Sal a lot. Howard asked if that's because he's like a 12 year old to him. Sammy said kind of. He said that he hears Sal a lot but he forgets some of the other names. Howard asked about Mariann from Brooklyn. Sammy said he likes listening to her but she screams a little so it's hard to listen.
Howard asked about High Pitch Erik. Sammy said he's funny. He said Jeff the Drunk is funny too. He said it's funny like the names they give people. Howard said Tan Mom is another one. Sammy laughed. Howard asked if he likes Bobo. Sammy said he never remembers listening to him. Howard said neither does he.
Howard asked if Sammy wants to talk to one of the big stars on the show. Sammy said sure. He asked to talk to Sal. Howard got Sal on and Sal said he got teared up listening to this. He said you get beat up all these years and you get emotional when someone likes you.
Sal told Sammy that a lot of children should be like him. He said he's crying there. Howard said he's never seen him cry like that. Sal said it's really nice. He said with all the bullcrap going on it's nice to hear that you have a positive impact on someone. He said that the kid isn't affected by people's opinions. He said it makes him feel good.
Howard said not even Sal's father liked him. He said generally people do not like him. Robin said he changed Sal's life. Howard told Sammy not to look up to Sal when he grows up. He said he is damaged.
Howard said he has about 50 things he could tell Sammy about Sal but he won't do that. Sal asked if he likes the prank calls. Sammy said he does. Howard said he won't bring up the stuff about Sal's aunt. Sal said stop it. Howard asked if he remembers Sal wearing a laser helmet to help grow his hair. Sammy said he does. He said he laughs at him a lot.
Howard said Sal believes that he leaves his body and astral projects to the star and the moon. He said imagine your friend said that to you. Sammy said he'd say ''sure, whatever you think'' if his friend did that.
Howard asked Sammy to tell Sal to stop vaping. Sammy said he should stop. Sal said he'll do his best for him. He said it's not easy though.
Howard thanked Sammy for calling in. He thanked him for making him cry. Sal said of all things to make him cry that was it.
Howard let Sammy go and said he was going to tell him about Sal watching his aunt shit and jerking off in the bathroom closet. Sal said that he went in there to watch his cousin and his aunt came in.
Howard took a call from Ralph who wondered if Sammy still likes Sal now that he's crying like a pussy. Howard said that he was shocked by that reaction. He said you might be laughing at Sal like Ralph is. Howard said Sal was starved as a child for affection. He said he got that little crumb of affection from Sammy and that made him cry. He said the only crumbs Sal got as a kid were from the bread that his father broke over his head.
Howard sang a song to Sal and Fred played some of Sal's famous lines from the show. Howard said Sammy was the cure for his affliction. He said he threw him an anchor. He said he chose him over High Pitch Erik.
Howard said this is a monumental day for Sal. He said he has spent his life trying to tie his foreskin into a knot. He said Sammy may have saved him from that. Howard let Ralph go and thanked Mariann too. She was on the phone and talking about how great Sammy was. Howard hung up no her in the middle of that. Sal said he speaks Sammy's name.
Gary said it's not just that Ralph thinks he hears it. He said last year they got 541 complaints about fireworks but this year it's already over 11,000 complaints. Gary said he's not sure what's going on. He said it's all over the place that they're happening.
Gary said people are having Roman candle fights in the streets too. He said he read about that. Sal said Richard used to do that all the time.
Howard said Richard told them that he used to do something with fireworks. Richard got on and said he would stick them in his pants. Gary asked what he did on the bus. Richard said they put black cats in the trash can and they filled it with smoke and the driver drove off the road. Howard said he heard he blew a hole in the floor and his parents just put a couch over the hole. Richard said he did that with black powder and a toilet paper roll. He said his mom told him to just put the chair over the hole.
Richard told Howard he has already planned a trip to get fireworks. Howard said please don't. He said now is not a good time to go to the hospital with your hand blown off.
Robin asked Richard if he felt good for Sal. Richard said he got teared up for Sal when he heard that. Howard said their love for each other is so moronic. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:30am.