Howard said he was up at 3 in the morning watching the Bruce Lee Documentary. He said it's something called 30 on 30. Robin said that's an ESPN show. Howard said he learned a lot about Bruce Lee. He said he wanted to know about the Kung Fu. He said they had tapes of him giving demonstrations. He said he would walk up to a guy and punch him in the chest and the guy went flying like 17 feet. He said he took Karate and the Sensei would have him punch him and he went flying. He said he had another guy who had him flip him even though you knew you weren't doing anything.
Howard said here was a scene in a movie where Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris went at it and they said it was like Muhammad Ali taking on someone. He said he wasn't sure if he was able to take someone on or if it was all acrobatic. He said Chuck Norris had to be defeated by Bruce Lee in the movie. He said the movie was pretty cool. Robin said she has to see that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said there was a lot in the paper about him this weekend. Howard said he knows. Mariann said that she has to bring it up. She said it's so over the top. She said it opens your eyes when you see it. She said it was done with humor and they make mistakes in life. She said it was a bit of a spoof of a spoof. She said she loves him and she has faith in him. She asked if she said it correctly.
Howard said that's very sweet of her. He said he'll explain what she's talking about. He said he checked in with Ronnie over the weekend and he brought it up with him. He said Ronnie said they were saying he was a racist in the paper. He said Ronnie explained that there's this story about him being a racist. He said Donald Trump Jr. and some other guy uncovered that he did a crazy show 30 years ago. He said they ''exposed'' him for wearing blackface. Howard said Don Jr. and this other guy found out he did the craziest show in the history of radio. He said it was about sex and race. He said he can't think of a topic he didn't take on. He said he was insane on the radio back then. He said he would bring up any topic you brought up. He said they had the channel 9 show and he'd bring up this stuff. He said Ted Danson and Whoopi Goldberg did this thing and he did a sketch about it. He said this wasn't even done in a back room. He said it was on TV and radio. He said that there are probably thousands of hours of stuff like this. He said he has a friend in a Nazi uniform yelling about the Jews. He said Fred would dress up like Kurt Waldheim Jr.
Howard said he has used every racial slur and talked about everything on TV and radio. He said all of this stuff has been secretly videotaped on radio and TV. He said they said that the shocking news to him was that Don Jr. had to uncover this. He said that his dad must be putting him up to this because he's been bad mouthing him. He said that the NY Post says that they have sicked their dogs on him. He said they uncovered things that aired on TV and radio 30 years ago. Robin said they're crack investigators.
Howard said the bigger point he's going to make is that about 20 years ago he went into psychotherapy. He said he went into it because his marriage was falling apart and he had a tough time with his personal life. He said he was insane. He said that he was unhappy and he didn't like the way he was communicating. He said he couldn't live with the sex all the time. He said he came to discover that he was demanding your full attention. He said that he went on MTV and had his pants down. He said it was something in him that was a drive like you wouldn't believe. He said he wanted to succeed on radio. He said emotionally it was costing him a lot. He said he had the FCC after him and the KKK after him threatening his life. Howard said here was a lot going on.
Howard said over the years he did change the show. He said a lot of people are pissed off at him now that he's not doing that stuff he used to do. He said they think he got soft. He said he realized that he can't do that anymore. He said he has evolved and changed.
Howard said the big headline is this. He said he wouldn't do things the same way he used to. He said he thinks that Don Jr. and Donald should go into therapy. He said that attacking him during Coronavirus and the Black Lives Matter thing is ridiculous. He said if you want to ''expose'' him for what he has done on radio and TV is ridiculous. He said that it's all out there. He said there is no show that is as wacky as his show. He said some would say that he was insane. He said he did that stuff for attention. He said he's not a hater. He said he's excited about being on radio. He said he's all for gay rights and the changes coming out of Black Lives Matter. He said there might be real change in the air now.
Howard said he actually forgot about that bit they did 30 years ago. He said he goes back and cringes at that stuff he used to do. He said he can't stand some of the stuff he did. He said a lot of the stuff they did he just doesn't like so they don't replay it. He said that Donald Trump didn't think anything about it back when he was appearing on his show. He said Don Jr. did the show. He said he was saying that he was disappointed in him for changing but now he's complaining about what he did before he changed. He said he's not sure what he wants him to do. He said maybe they need to change.
Howard said they leaked material that was on TV. He said he remembers when Don Jr. couldn't wait to take a picture with him after doing the show.
Howard said the breaking news is that he was insane and out of his mind back then. He said all the old shows prove it. He said he heard they're thinking about ''leaking'' the movie Private Parts next. He said everything he did he never did behind the scenes. He said it always did it on the air.
Howard said after they solve the pandemic they can come after him. He said he's paid a ton of money to fix himself. He said that if they do more digging they may find that he was fired from a lot of radio stations.
Robin said there was some backlash for her because of this. Howard said it was all her fault. Robin said she has been a proponent of free speech and she made a vow to herself a long time ago that one word won't keep her out of a room. She said she knows who she is and what she stands for and she was showing that it doesn't mean anything about you, that word. She said it never meant anything about you or her.
Howard said he has ''uncovered'' something else where he dressed as Michael Jackson and molested a child too. He said he didn't leave anything out of that show. He said he was an equal opportunity offender.
Howard said he had a guy who wanted to fire him for being anti-Semitic but that was the only reason. He didn't have a problem with anything else he did. Howard said he doesn't like some of those old shows. He said he did them and he owns it. He said he wasn't embraced by the Nazi groups or anything like that back then.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is ludicrous that they're coming after him. Howard said he has been critical of Trump and he didn't know what they would do but this is it. He said he was talking to his kids who want to fight with Don Jr. He said he told them they don't need that. He said the old him would have had that on in 2 minutes. Robin said oh god yes. Howard said he thought it was a good bit but he wants to protect them.
The caller said don't apologize. Howard said he's not. He said he did it on TV and radio. The caller said he has evolved and people know that if they read his book that he was equal opportunity for everyone. Howard said he was insane back then. He said he was talking about everything. He said things were fucking crazy on his show back then. He said it got too crazy and he had to go into therapy. He said he thought he could still do a good show and communicate a different way. The caller said he has done a great job at it. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said this was shocking to him. Robin said she thought that they were kind of quiet about everything. She said it was interesting to her that there were no tweets about him. She said he went silent in this area. Howard said he has been attacked by the government before. He said it almost ended his career 57 times. He said he has been through all of that.
Howard had fake Donald Trump on the phone and he was talking about how he hears that he's attacking his son now that he's found some great information on him. Howard said he won't get into it about Don Jr. and the things he knows about him. He said he wishes he'd just stop killing animals. He said he killed some rare sheep recently. Fake Donald said that they did some research and found some great intel on him.
Howard said he's confused about everything going on. He asked Donald what's really going on with the protests and him talking about Antifa and all of this. Fake Trump said he's calling her Auntie Tifa and not giving them respect. Fake Trump and Howard talked about the 75 year old guy who was knocked over by the police and how Donald is saying that he's in Antifa.
Howard said he heard that he had trouble drinking water and walking down steps at West Point. Trump said it was a slippery ramp and he didn't have any trouble. He said he walked with total care. He said his hands are so big that he can't hold a little cup of water. He said he was being delicate because his hands might crush the cup.
Howard let Donald go a short time later. Robin said she doesn't think that Biden would be worried about a disk jockey working in his basement. Howard said Seth Meyers is coming on and he's working from his attic. He said he was telling Gary that it's driving him nuts.
Howard asked if Robin saw Dave Chappelle's special on Netflix. Robin said she did and it was brilliant. Howard said it really was.
Howard took a call from a guy who said all hair Howard Stern the President of the United States. He asked who is Vice President. Howard said Robin is. The caller said he's with that.
The caller asked if they have King of All Blacks cut off whenever he uses the N-word. He said he's the king of the N-word. Howard said he does use that word a lot. Robin said he has done that a long time. She said he's pretending to be from the ghetto.
Howard said he was busy with that this weekend. He said he was bothered by the idea that the Trumps were busy with him. He said that's according to the NY Post. He said that his message today is ''Evolve, man.'' Robin said he must have done some things before he got on radio. Howard said he was invisible before that. He said he was so desperate for attention that he may have developed the craziest show. Robin said he was probably completely ignored. Howard said as a child, yes. He said he was crazy. He said he remembers his psychiatrist asking why he was starved for attention. He said he didn't have parents who paid attention to him. Robin said that can be a bad thing if they pay too much attention to you.
Howard said he wanted to go on Letterman with a dead horse and his producers told him he can't do that. He said that he wanted to go on and have everyone look at him like he was the greatest. He said that he eventually went into therapy and found out that it was causing damage in his life. He said he can't ignore things that might hurt people. He said he lost his marriage because of how insane he was. He said he might have been insane. He said he doesn't know. He said he thought he was a revolutionary.
Robin said when he did the Right Said Fred thing she thought he was out of his mind. Howard said he was. He said he loved Metallica and shit all over them at the MTV awards. He said that's when he knew he was insane. He said some people loved it. He said watching an insane person can be fun. He said he can't say any of this was done behind closed doors. He said it was all done on TV and radio. He said he doesn't show this stuff because it's painful to him. He said he has a lot of love in his heart now. He said he's thinking about our county and this George Floyd who got choked out. He said he hopes that this whole George Floyd thing brings change to this country.
Howard said he watches Joe Scarborough in the morning and when he saw the President talking about how he might have killed someone he was like ''Whoa!'' He said that's crazy. He said they really went after him.
Howard got Ronnie on to talk about what's going on in his life. Howard said he may never hang out with Trump again. He said he's too mean.
Ronnie said he has some personal life shit going on so things are tough. Howard said a lot of fans are trying to cheer him up. He said that they mailed him spoons to dig the shit out of his ass. Ronnie said the other day he got an Amazon package and it had some of those long spoons you use for eating ice cream. He said this person ''Curtains'' sent it to him. Howard said that's very thoughtful.
Howard asked Ronnie if he has new glasses. Ronnie said they're the same ones. He said he wore some sunglasses the other day that the guys were making fun of.
Howard said he thought Ronnie got a lot of feedback last week but he didn't have any there. He read some feedback about Pete Davidson. He had a lot of positive comments about the interview.
Howard said a lot of people think the same thing about face masks as he does. Robin said the governor is warning that they could shut down some areas because people are getting crazy.
Howard said he knows a woman in Florida who was confronted in the store and asked why she was spreading fear by wearing a mask. He said it's insanity out there. Robin said these are people who really need help.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't want to bring the show down but his brother died on a cruise ship because he wasn't able to get off. He said he had someone ask if they were annoyed by wearing masks. He said they told him that they are all for it because of this. He said the best thing about COVID is that Benjy is out of the studio.
Robin said there was a woman who was talking about mask wearing and how kids think it's not cool so they're trying to change that. Howard said he's in the sanity movement. He said he used to be insane but he's working his way to being sane. Ronnie asked who isn't insane. Robin said she's not.
Howard read about how many new cases of COVID-19 there are. He said that's what he's worried about and not worried about things he did 30 years ago.
Robin said she saw images of people out together and not wearing masks. Ronnie said that they have these restaurants opening now and people are going ballistic.
Howard said Beth read him a story about how they traced like six cases to a restaurant in Florida that had opened. He said Central Park was packed this weekend too. He said he saw that in the paper. He said it's crazy how many people are out there. Robin said they had the worst outbreak in New York so you can't mess around.
Howard said he has a song about Ronnie's hard turd. He played the song about his doody problem.
Ronnie said he heard that Jon Hein had a similar problem that he had. Howard got Jon on to talk about that. Jon said he never used his fingers to get his shit out but he did have that problem. Jon said he went to a health care problem and they put him in an ambulance and he told him what he was in there for. He said they took him to a hospital and he went into triage and there were people bleeding around him. He said a nurse came in and they rolled him on his side and tried to get it out. He said they stuck their hand in there to try to get it out. He said that didn't work. He said they had a doctor come in and he wasn't able to help. He said they gave him an enema and they eventually helped get it out. He said Ronnie described it like giving birth. He said the feeling of that thing coming out was the greatest ever. He said that it was like the size of his fist. He said it could not fit out the hole.
Ronnie was laughing. He said look at what he had to go through. He said he was able to get it out himself. He asked how long he suffered from it. Jon said it was hours. Ronnie said he was able to get it out and he took a nap after that. Jon said he was pushing as hard as he could and nothing was coming out. Howard said Jon should write a book about this instead of old TV shows.
Ronnie Puppet had a spoon for getting shit out. Howard said he has Seth Meyers coming on soon so he has to take a break. Howard asked how Fred is doing. Fred said he's good. Howard said he has to take a break. He said they have to talk about the ending of the Sopranos and what the guys on the staff were talking about. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he loves this song. He wondered what happened to Royal Blood. He said he thought they were going to have more hits. Robin said it's not a rock time.
Howard said Seth Meyers is joining them this morning. He said he has some exciting news. Howard said he looks like he's had a hair cut. Robin said she doesn't think so. Seth said he had to flip his part about a month into the pandemic. Howard said someone asked him to find out if he's had a hair cut. He said Seth is making a big deal out of this. He said he's doing his 1000th show. Howard asked who he took over from. Seth said it was Fallon. He said Jimmy took over for Jay and he took over for Jimmy. Howard said people said he wouldn't make it to 1000 shows. He said he thinks Trump said that. He said he did tweet that he's untalented. Seth said it's great company.
Howard said he's doing his show from his attic. He said his wife wants him in his basement. He said she feels it's quieter there and he's out of the flow of the house. He asked why Seth is in the attic. Seth said they don't have a basement. He said he started in the hallway. He said he thought it was going to last a week. He said that the attic is the only room that no one walks through. He said he has lights and a tripod up there. He said it's fairly quiet but it's very cold in March and like a sauna now. He said he has a fan up there. He said this isn't a house they spent a lot of time in. He said they have never been there at this time of year.
Howard said he has known from the start that this isn't going to be over with for a long time. He asked how Seth got it so wrong. Seth said he didn't know how New York was going to have to shut itself down. Howard asked about doing the show from home and how he went into the house and he was in a hallway and he was balancing his phone on his iPad. He asked why no one from NBC came to him and set him up with better equipment. Seth said that's a good question. He said NBC is owned by Comcast and you'd think they could get him the highest speed internet and all of that. He said that they don't appear to have looked into any of that.
Howard asked if he asked why they don't set him up. Seth said the first month they didn't want anyone in the house. Howard said they haven't had anyone in there. He said Sirius sent over very basic equipment and it was like he was in a space ship. He said they coached him how to work everything. He said he won't let anyone in the house. He said Beth came down and sanitized everything too. He said he'd feel so abandoned if he was Seth. He said they won't help him. Seth said they have lights now and a bunch of microphone solutions. He said they are working on it. He said every day he will shoot things up there and he has to upload things to Dropbox. He said it takes a long time to get the files up there. He said he needs more internet. He said they have to get it to people who can work on it. He said they have to download it and upload it back. He said it's not the most efficient process. He said when they improve the quality of the video it slows things down even more.
Howard said Seth must be doing his own makeup too. Seth said he does but he doesn't have any on now. Howard said he has good skin and looks good. He asked what he has to do when he does it. Seth described what he has to do and Howard was shocked that he cares about his look. Seth said he does. He said that people hear him complaining about doing this stuff and they laugh because the young people have been doing YouTube for years and they don't care about that stuff.
Howard said Seth said that just picking out a shirt is exhausting to him. Howard said he has given up on that. He said he sees this as being a prisoner of war. He said that he's wearing the same shirt every show and doesn't care anymore. He said he wouldn't have done well in war.
Seth said his goal is to just not wear the same shirt in the same week. He said he would have to iron the shirt and things like that. Seth said they have to do the show earlier now. He said they used to tape at 6:30 but now they have to be done by 3. He said that he's writing at a level of intensity that he didn't have to before. He said he has to do the show and then he realizes that he has to iron his shirt.
Seth said he has a teleprompter app that he has to load up and figure out the speed of that. He said that he never had to do anything like that in the studio. He said there are times he has to do things over again. He said if you've talked too fast and the prompter isn't caught up to you then it's a problem. He said it's stressful.
Howard said Seth loves a live audience. He said it has to be tough for him without an audience. He said he must be stressed out. Seth said he has found a freedom to doing things and writing in tangents and asides. He said the best jokes play to silence so you can put in some bad ones. He said the attic shows all play the same. He said you can put in some whimsy that you wouldn't put in.
Howard said he has done radio so he figures people are laughing at everything. He said he's never had a live audience to play to. Seth said that he has a pretty fast cadence so he hasn't slowed down at all. He said he might be getting 2 or 3 minutes more per show every night.
Howard said he was at the point in his career where he had a person to shush people when he was trying to take a nap in the office. He said he had a setup second to none. He said now he's printing his own notes and emptying his own garbage. He said now he's back to doing what he was doing as a kid in his basement. He asked what the point of becoming a big star now is.
Seth asked if his kids are with him. Howard said they are not. He said they get together and Zoom. He said they're all out of state except for one. Seth said his kids don't have any care for what he's doing and he feels like a guy who got fired from his job and he's lying about what he's doing for work.
Howard said you can impress your kids when they can come to work with you and now he's in his attic. Seth said they had wasps up there. He said he has never silently sat up there for long. He said he's confident there are squirrels in the wall. He said that he won't bring it up with his wife Alexi. He said they may end up having the walls torn up so he won't do anything about it until they're out of there.
Howard said he can't deal with that kind of stuff either. He said his wife has to take care of it. He said you don't want anyone up there in his house either.
Seth said they upgraded their modem when this all started and they had to bring a cable guy into the house. Seth said the silver lining is that he gets to see the kids after doing the show. He said he's with them from 4 o'clock on.
Howard said he knows people who hate their kids now that they have spent so much time with them.
Seth said it's nice to have a door to close and be by yourself. He said that's all been taken away by this. Robin asked how he gets into the attic. She asked if he has to pull down a ladder. Seth said he wishes it was like that. He said if it was he would film a new opening to his show. Howard said he should film that anyway. He said that would be the best. Seth said it's just really steep stairs.
Howard asked which kid he likes the best. Seth said he never thought he'd like the 2 year old as much as the 4 year old but he's in bloom right now. He said he goes back and forth.
Howard said he can't imagine being home all day with a 2 and 4 year old. He asked what he's doing the rest of the day. Seth said from 9 to 4 he's doing the show. He said they have a Zoom call once a day around 10:45. He said they do guests at 2 and 2:45. He said then he does the monologue. Howard asked if he finds it challenging to talk to people over Zoom because of the audio quality. Seth said he hoes he's doing a good job at being a subject. He said he has found that guests are better at jumping in than people who aren't used to it. He said it's not as much fun for sure. He said you have to tell them to look at their camera so they're not even looking at you.
Seth asked Howard about this. He said that he's suing his wife's computer. He said she has like 100 tabs open and he's afraid to close them. Howard said don't do it. He said if anything messes up on Beth's computer it's a nightmare for him. He said don't mess with it.
Howard asked Seth about how many guests he has a night. Seth said they do 2. Howard said he has jokes that he can't read because he's a white male on his show. He said he has a black female tell some of the jokes. Howard said they have two women on the show to do some of the jokes he can't do. Seth said they have a gay and Latina female as well as a black female. He said they pitched the idea to tell those jokes and it's a lot of fun.
Seth said he might have to shut down the email on his wife's computer. He got another notification. Howard said that's not bothering him so leave it.
Howard said he has an app that lets you just talk into it to take notes. He said it's called Brain Toss. He said he knows he crashed their servers last time. Howard asked Seth how he does his writing. Seth said they have 6 or 7 writers who write monologue jokes. He said they cut down from 100 to about 10. Howard asked why it's so low. Seth said that you have to write a bunch to open your brain up to writing. He said that they just let them do their thing. Howard asked if he gets 20 amazing jokes will he keep it down at 10. Seth said no. He said he can't say they have gotten higher than 15. He said that would be high even for Weekend Update. He said that exhaustion can set in. He said 15 is about the cap that people can be patient for.
Howard said he thinks people don't realize how much it takes to write that much. Seth said he's not good at writing those kinds of jokes. He said that he has a guy he took from Saturday Night Live and he thinks the other writers learn his discipline.
Howard asked what the writers do to write jokes. He asked if they read the papers and come up with one liners. He said he would suck at that. Seth said there is some truth to the fact that they will read the papers. He said there are people who will read the setups and then email them to the writers. He said if there's a typo in the setup none one of the writers will fix it. He said that shows the laziness of the writers.
Howard asked Seth about how he does the camera setup. Seth said he has an iPad on a tripod. He showed Howard how it's all set up in there. He said their lighting designer talked him through how to set it up in there. He said he loads up his prompter app during the day. He said the part of the day he doesn't miss in the studio is that time when he'd read through 200 jokes out loud. He said he would mark the ones he liked with a highlighter. He said there would be 180 jokes that he didn't like and he had to do that in front of people who wrote them.
Howard asked Seth if the writers argue with him over the jokes. Seth said they do not. He said he just reads faster than a person should read. Howard asked if he's the king in that room do the writers laugh at their own jokes. Seth said no. He said if a joke bombs then another writer will laugh at how bad it bombed. He said that a writer will ask if a joke is funny and another writer will tell him not to write it but he does it anyway.
Howard said he can't imagine what it must be like for those writers to have a joke rejected. Seth said when he was on Saturday Night Live the worst part of it was the table read on Wednesday. He said that is the judgment of your peers. He said a comedian can walk off stage and think the audience just didn't get it. He said he has a great respect for the writers being in a room of their peers. Howard said it must be a stomach turning moment.
Howard asked if he has writers who don't have funny material for weeks at a time and does he keep track of it. Seth said he doesn't keep that in his mind. He said by the time he gets to the monologue he won't keep track of who wrote them. He said by the end he's putting very little thought into it.
Howard said he doesn't have to look at anyone when they write for him. He said he just goes through it and picks out what he wants. Seth said he's out of that stuff now too. He said he has a head writer who goes through it all. He said maybe the writers are doing better now that they're not being judged by their peers.
Howard said maybe the future will be not working in the office and working from home. Seth asked if he misses the office camaraderie. Howard said he thinks he's getting a little depressed. He said he is getting sad and missing that human contact. He said he doesn't see a lot of people every day and that was his one time he got to see people.
Seth said being the boss is good because you can ask the guys about a TV show. He said that he misses that part. He said he has no shooting of the shit like he used to.
Howard said they get together at 6 in the morning and they do a rundown of things that the guys are thinking about. He said he misses the way they used to do things in the office. He said he misses Gary and Jason doing their thing in the meeting. He said on Zoom it's very regimented. He said they tried something new this morning that was kind of fun. He said they went through the news and they were able to do it. He said it's not quite the same though.
Howard said that people are craving going out so much and talking to people that they're going out to get their hair cut and that's one of the most dangerous things you can do. Seth asked when Howard is going to get his hair cut. Howard said he's not sure but his hair is losing its thing. Howard said he would love to see Seth have a man bun. Seth said he had one back in the day. He said he lived in Europe and he grew his hair long and had a man bun. Howard said he can see that.
Howard said he's not sure what he's going to do about his hair. He said he was just thinking about J.B. Smoove and how he was a writer for Saturday Night Live. He said he told him that he was a killer at going into the writing meetings and he would break up the room with his material. He said J.B. said most of his stuff didn't make it to air. Seth said J.B. was a stone cold killer with his pitch on Monday. He said that's where he'd give a one or two line idea. He said J.B. had a stand up energy so he'd do it that way. He said that he'd go back to the well with the same stuff pretty often. He said he would pitch things like Batman goes to the dry cleaner and gets Superman's outfit and things like that. Howard said J.B. had a bit he pitched where this detective would do his job by tasting people's urine. He said he thought that was pregnant. Seth said there was one that he pitched where this woman got ''butt pregnant.''
Howard said there was another one where this guy had to wear two eye patches. He said he thought that was brilliant too. Seth said he met Larry David and he told him that he loved that he got the essence of J.B. on TV. He said that there are scenes on Curb Your Enthusiasm where J.B. will pitch a bunch of ideas. He said that he left the show as a legend at Saturday Night Live. He said he was the greatest pitcher ever. Howard said he loves that guy. He said he's really happy he's on Larry's show. He said he saw him at a Knick game and he was in the third row. He said J.B. told him that makes him hungry and he won't do his job if he's in the first row. He said he's fucking phenomenal.
Seth said there was a time on Saturday Night Live when NBC would pay for lunch. He said J.B. would order two lobsters for lunch and he'd save one to take home for dinner. He said they had a writer's strike and one of the things they had to cut back on was the lunch. He said they made them buy their own lunches after that strike. He said after that they never went to the Palm again.
Howard said his father had a recording studio and he would have to buy lunch for the people there. He said he'd come home miserable complaining about the free lunches he had to buy for people.
Seth said he was an intern at Comedy Central and he'd go edit with the guys and they would tell you to order whatever you wanted. He said it is a real reminder that people in the arts will take advantage of it immediately. Howard said they had a Bagel Wednesday at work for a while. He said Benjy would take a shopping bag home with him. He said that would cause havoc there in the office.
Seth said his first year at Saturday Night Live they had sandwiches out. He said that he didn't get paid much so he grabbed some sandwiches to take home. He said the other writers had him open up the bag to show what he was taking and it was so sad.
Howard said Gary was telling him that Seth's philosophy was to take questions from the audience to warm up. He said that if he had something like that he's not sure if he would want to go out and do that if he's not on camera. He said they might not be all that excited. Seth said he talked to Kimmel about that and he told him to just try it. He said what he does is come out and welcome the audience. He said he has very soft jokes the tells the same way and he can gauge them that way. He said he likes to find out before the show what kind of audience he has. He said he might be able to adjust the show based on that.
Seth said late in the show they take questions. He said the music setup takes a long time so they do that during that. He said they were doing it every night. He said it's good to be able to go out there and do that for people who come out to see you.
Howard said he heard that people still ask how Stefon is doing. Seth said that everyone who asks that thinks they're the first person to ask that question. He said Seinfeld used to get questions like ''How's Elaine?'' and he'd tell people that she's not a real person. He said he could do that but he's too nice.
Howard asked what Seth thinks about that special that Dave Chappelle has out. Seth said he's amazing. They talked about how he kills it every time and he's so prolific. Seth said that he's so comfortable and you don't realize how long he goes because he's so relaxed. He said it's so hard to concentrate on something like that for 30 minutes. He said it was amazing.
Howard asked if Seth has been Zooming with Fred Armisen and Bill Hader. Seth said not too much actually. He said they want to do more Documentary Now.
Howard asked how you go back to having a live audience now. Seth said that it takes a long time to build an audience. He said that it has to be tough now. He said that here were stand up specials that were scheduled to be taped. He said that it's really scary. He said not everyone has the ability to do what Dave is doing.
Howard said he had Pete Davidson on the show the other day. He said he's basically living in the basement at his mom's house and his movie is released On Demand. Seth said it is nice that they're not at their mom's house. Seth said he has Pete on today. He asked if he liked his movie. Howard said he did. He said it was a tough topic to cover. Seth said that Pete has talked about it in his act and creatively for a long time. He said he thought that Pete was so good and you have to be a good actor to hang with Marisa Tomei. He said Bill Burr is really good and maybe one of our best actors out there. Howard said he knows Bill from doing stand up and he did that very well. He said Marisa is very good too. He said you have to hold your own.
Seth said that Bill is so great at comedy and he didn't want to see him be great at something else. He said he was really good though. He said he forgot it was Bill Burr on screen.
Howard asked Seth if he gets paranoid about Trump. He said he tweeted about him recently about a bit he did 10 years ago at the Correspondent's dinner. Seth said he pays attention to so many things that most people can't pay attention to when you're president. He said that he thinks the greatest thing is that Saturday Night Live turned on him. He said for them to turn against him is the best. He said he has tweeted more about Alec Baldwin because that's a real slap in the face.
Howard said Seth is there to brag in a sense. He said this is Seth saying he has done 1000 shows. Seth said tonight will be 1001. He said he really can't believe it. Howard said to have a thousand of anything on TV is remarkable. He said TV is a snake pit. He said you either get ratings or don't. He said the network likes you or doesn't. He said you don't know what you're going to get. He said it's really an accomplishment. Seth said he feels very lucky. Seth said that the network executives were congratulating them and it was shocking because most of them weren't there when they started.
Howard asked if Seth will get into a feud with Meghan McCain since she called him out on something. Seth said he's not going to get into a feud. Howard asked who the bigger star is, Seth or Meghan. Seth said it depends on where you're at.
Howard said Seth's wife worked as a District Attorney. Seth said she works for a non-profit now. He said she's the handyman of the house now. He said when something breaks the kids go to her. He said that they don't think he knows where the batteries are.
Howard said he has no masculine traits in him. He said he's more woman than man in the relationship. Seth said he knows what that's like. He said his wife's dad rides a motorcycle and knows how to drive a boat. He said he doesn't know how to do that stuff. He said he was playing video games in his 30s. He said her brother came over to fix things at his house while he was playing video games.
Howard said he was out with a masculine friend of his and they got a flat tire. He said he was trying to act like he's involved and he has no idea how to change a tire. Seth said he and Alexi got a flat tire once and they were in Connecticut and had no service on their phone. He said she went into a diner to call AAA. He said that there was a mechanic there who came out with her and the last thing he expected to see was a man sitting there. He said he had a dog with a sweater on and he's playing Scrabble on his phone. He said the guy had to ask him to get out of the car so he could change the tire. He said he didn't even know he had to get out.
Howard said he knows how he missed out on the manly stuff. He said his dad was never around for him to do things like that. Seth said his dad was around. He said he's an incredible father. He said he's incredibly smart. He said when his dad did a house project he did nothing but curse. He said that they'd try to leave the house when he had to do something around the house. He said that Alexi's father is able to do that stuff without cursing. Seth said his dad would curse just hanging a picture. He said that's why he'd rather hire someone to hang a picture around the house. He said he gets his sense of humor from his father though. He said he gets a lot of things from him and they're all good. He said there's no reason to think that he's going to be better at golf than he is. He said that's why he won't play.
Howard said his father had a lot of great attributes about him too. He said that he was talking to Beth about that. He said that's enough about their fathers.
Howard congratulated Seth on his 1000th show. He gave him some plugs. Seth said he hopes that Howard gets to that number one day. Howard said he's trying to forget about all of those old shows now.
Seth said now he can go tell his wife she got 5 emails while he was on the air. Howard said it would be great if he read them and found out she has a boyfriend. Howard said hopefully he'll get some air up there in the attic.
Howard asked if Seth has seen anyone since being locked up. Seth said they have had some people come to their lawn and stand at a distance. Howard said be careful. Seth said the one thing about social interactions is that you don't know if it's going to kill you. Howard said it's crazy what's going on out there. Seth said on the there hand he gets to find out what his friend is up to. Howard let Seth go a short time later.
Howard said Seth is a good guy. He gave him another plug for his TV show. He said that guy has a lot of history with Saturday Night Live and all of those guys he hung out with. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said the guy singing that last song was Constantine Morales. He said he's been recording song parodies for them. He said he was on American Idol. Robin said she remembers him. Robin asked what his shirt says. Howard said it says ''Freedom.'' He said Beth got it for him. He said it's a John Varvatos shirt. He said she knows he'll wear it if it's from John. He said he doesn't even know what he likes. He said he may have worn it last Wednesday. He said Beth told him to just wash it or rotate through his stuff. He said he doesn't smell so he can wear it again.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he went to school for theater and he wanted to see if he needs any extra hands on his team. He said he can do impressions and he's looking for a job. Howard asked what kind of impressions he can do. The caller, Mike, said he can do the Ghost of Johnny Carson. He did the voice. Howard asked how old he is. Mike said he's 27. Howard said how about doing a Seth Meyers voice. Mike did more of his Carson voice. Robin asked if that's the best he has. Howard said he's just warming up. He did some High Pitch Erik too. Mike did Howard's mother and father too but Howard said this is reminding him of America's Got Talent. He said they'd edit out his comments on this stuff on the show.
Mike did his Alex Jones impression too. Robin asked why he's doing people they already have to do those voices. Howard said a lot of young guys start out doing stuff like that. He said he's trying to show he has a proclivity for doing impressions. He said he doesn't have original ones or material.
Howard said you have to sit and listen to people and keep trying to do it. He said then you have to write material for them. Mike said he's a copycat and he's been in the house for 3 months watching a lot. Howard asked if he has ever heard Sour Shoes. Mike did his Sour Shoes impression and did an impression of Sour doing his Gary impression.
Howard asked what Mike does for a living. Mike said he was a server and bartender. He said he's out of work right now. He said his brother has a condition where his organs are reversed. Howard said he thinks Fred has something like that. Fred said it's no big deal.
Howard told Mike to keep working at it. He said he's not ready for the big time yet. Mike thanked him for that. He said he had a last ditch attempt at that so he threw it out here. Howard let Mike go a short time later.
Howard said he thinks he was kind of diplomatic about that. Robin said Mike has to hone in on something for himself. Howard said Mike's brother's condition is called Situs Inversus.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he was watching golf and they can have live tournaments in 5 weeks. Howard said they're going to have an audience? Jeff said yes and Robin said no. Jeff said yes, that's what they said. Fred played a snoring sound. Howard said he's trying here. He said that sounds insane to him. Jeff said that's what he thought.
Jeff said he's getting a urinal installed this week. Howard said alright. He said he read that he's having his house renovated. Robin said it's not a house, it's a trailer. Jeff said the floor is wood rotted and he had to tear out the whole floor. He said he figured he might as well out in a new bathroom. He said he's putting in a walk in tub. Howard asked who is paying for all of this. Jeff said Cameo. Howard said it's doing well for some people. He said that they did pretty well today. Jeff agreed.
Jeff said he was out shopping on Friday and there was an older man with no mask talking to an older lady and he was covering up what he was saying to her. He said that he was saying that ''we can't say the N-word anymore...'' and they all started laughing. Howard said here you go. Fred played more snoring sounds. Howard said he has to hang up on him. He said the show just dies when he calls in.
Jason got on and said he sat and thought about it and they telegraphed that it was going to happen all season. Jason said that they were talking about what happens when you die a few episodes before the ending. He said they talked about how things just go to black and there you go. He said he can't believe that everyone is so worked up about it.
Chris Wilding got on and said that he's bullshitting. He said that's not what an ending should be.
Howard asked JD what he thinks. JD said he liked the ending and the fact that people are still talking about it today shows how great it was. He said that you don't hear anyone talking about Breaking Bad. Howard said the reason they don't talk about Breaking Bad is because it had a real ending. He said The Sopranos didn't have a real ending. Howard said Jason had the wrong quote from that episode where they talked about things going to black. Jason said that's not true. He told Howard the quote again and said that Howard was given the wrong information.
Howard had Jon Hein on to talk about the ending and he said he wants a real ending. He said that was not a real ending with The Sopranos. He said he was looking to see if his cable was disconnected when it went to black.
Jon and JD were going back and forth arguing about the ending. Jason was yelling and Chris was trying to get in on it too.
Robin said they come into a diner and they start spraying bullets and Tony is there with the whole family. She asked if they all die too. Howard said that's what they want to know. Robin said she doesn't know what happened because she never saw anything.
Memet came on and said that he has the headline but not the rest of the article. He read the article that Jason was quoting. He said in the next sentence they say that Bobby never said that it all goes to black. Jason said that he's reading something different. Jason gave his information and said that they did have that line in the episode he was talking about. Memet said he would bet $500 that he never said that. Jason told him to get the clip.
Howard said the answer is that you need an ending for a TV show. He said you can say it was a cut to black but that's lazy. He said they should have shown what happens to that family. JD said no ending is good enough. Howard said bullshit. JD said there may have been talk about doing a movie or something so they left it open ended. Jon asked why he's defending it. Chris said he's all artsy fartsy, that's why.
Howard said Ralph has some thoughts on this too. Ralph got on and said that the show was brilliant. Howard said it was. Ralph asked how he could fuck it up all the sudden. He said that you have to think of it that way first of all. He said Tony's whole life is living on the edge. He said you don't know what's going to happen. He said it goes to black and it gives you that feeling of what Tony was feeling. Howard said he wants to have a real ending. He said that it was a faux pas. Chris said it was a ''fuck you.''
Chris and Ralph got into it with each other and argued over the ending. Ralph said he's felt the same way from the last show. He said his rap has never changed. Chris said he got his opinion from watching some YouTube video. Ralph said that's bullshit.
Howard said they say that Bobby never said that line that Jason said he did. Jason said that's fine. Howard said they copped out at the end. Ralph said it wasn't a cop out.
Ralph said there was that movie Memento that Howard loved. He said it was very confusing and it gave you that feeling of confusion. Howard said he doesn't remember it very well. Ralph said Guy Pierce was in it. Robin said the guy had a condition where he couldn't hold on to memories. Howard said he's getting that condition from old age.
Howard said he got sent a picture of Ralph in a store and he has his mask on his chin. Ralph asked what store. Chris said it's that restaurant with his buddy. Howard said he has it pulled down. Chris said last week he said he was making it up and someone ratted him out and it wasn't him. Ralph said he has no idea what he's talking about. Ralph said it's fake news. Chris said he hates a liar.
Howard played the clip from the Sopranos with Bobby Bacala not saying the line that Jason thought he did. Howard said everyone bailed out on him. He said everyone left. Ralph said he's still there. Howard said he can go. Someone said he has an angle bracelet on. Howard said he just hung up on him.
Howard said he has a picture someone sent him of Ralph with his mask on his chin. He said he has it pulled down on his chin. He said he's not wearing his mask. Chris said that's the same day that he took the picture with a friend at a restaurant and he said there was no way he had it on.
Howard said he sees people around Ralph. He said there aren't tons but there are some. He said someone noticed that Ralph wears an ankle bracelet. He said JD asked if that's to identify him if he dies or something. Howard said he's not sure what happened to Ralph. He said he's not calling back. Chris said he might be beating off to the Sopranos ending.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it's obvious that Tony was whacked at the end. He said the people walking into the episode are people that he wronged all season. He said he knew that's how it was going to end. Howard said so show it.
Howard talked about some other stuff from the Sopranos and quoted a scene. He had Ralph back on after that. He asked about his ankle bracelet. Ralph asked what he's talking about. Howard said he has his mask down in this photo and JD pointed out he has an angle bracelet on. Ralph said it's a piece of string. Howard said JD asked if it's for medical reasons. He said he said no and said he likes to accent his pretty legs and ankles. Ralph said yeah, what's wrong with that?
Howard asked what's going on with that. Ralph said it's just something he's done forever. He said he's had it a long time. Howard asked if he's going to get him to wear one too. Ralph said he wears it in the summer. He said that when you're a kid you put a key on your ankle when you go to a water park. Howard said he's not doing any of that. Ralph said he doesn't know then.
Ralph said another great ending was the show Lost. He said he knows Howard didn't like that. Howard said no.
Howard took a call from fake Charlie Sheen who said he's not wearing a mask. He said people are really uptight. He said how about a smooch from Charlie Sheen. He had a woman screaming. Howard said this is the kind of impression that guy who called in earlier should be doing. Charlie kept doing his thing and Howard said he should hang up, he's off his game today.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was a double for James Gandolfini on the show. He said they shot 5 endings over a period of a week. He said they didn't say which one was going to be used. He said it was a shock to all of them too. He said they did it because they were thinking about making a movie or bringing the show back. Howard said that's a lame thing. He asked what the other endings were. The caller, Donald, said there was one where Jimmy (Tony) got shot outside the restaurant. He said he doesn't remember the others. He said that he was flipping through his book recently and Henry Hill wasn't in there. Howard said he's done thousands of interviews. He said he thinks he did put something in there of Henry's.
Howard asked if this is the guy who used to call in to argue with Henry. Donald said no but he did call in and wanted to take Henry's part on the show. Donald said he kept in touch with Henry over the years after being in Goodfellas. He said he was going to be on Howard's show with Henry. Donald said they have a lot to talk about. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Howard said you learn something every day. He got in a plug for Gardein who sponsored the show today.
Howard said he has a lot of things to get to tomorrow. He said they have to pace themselves. He thanked Seth Meyers for coming on today. Robin asked if they can put the Sopranos thing to rest. She said the ending isn't going to change based on their opinion. Howard said they talk about that stuff on their Zoom meetings. Robin said it's not going to change so just keep it to yourself.
Howard said he's still thinking that she was right about the Village People firing the cop. He said they learned that was a joke.
Howard said that Robin said goodbye to TMZ. Robin said that was for the guy who said he was quitting NASCAR over their Confederate flag ban. Howard said it's a perfect time to get rid of it with no NASCAR races going on. He asked if they will really abide by that. Robin said she thinks people go there with that flag. She said there was some sponsor who decked a car out in a Confederate flag. Robin said they have banned that.
Howard said the south lost the war and they were on the wrong side of history with slavery. He asked why hold on to that flag. Robin said the President said he doesn't want to change the names of bases for those named after confederate generals but he usually says he doesn't like losers. Howard said that's right. He said they were on the wrong side of history. Robin said they fought against the United States Army.
Gary said people yell out that it's part of their heritage. Howard said they were losers though. He said they lost the war. Howard said it's not cool to have a flag for the losing side of a war. He said that they started the war and they lost.
Howard said when a team loses a big game they throw out the shirts that were made because they can't sell them. He said he doesn't understand why they'd want this flag. Robin said someone was talking about how you want to name a school after someone you can look up to but when you name a military base after a losing general what message does that send?
Howard said someone wrote in about Sarah Silverman's photos they were talking about last week. Howard read through some of that. People were writing in about how it's the Mons Pubis and not hair like Ralph thought it was.
Howard read some fan feedback about mask wearing since they discussed that last week. Howard ended the show around 10:20am.
Howard said he has friends who have family over and talk about traveling. He said it's all social stuff. He said they have to be with people. Robin said she had a group do a drive by of her house. She said they were all in a car and they were smooshed in there. She said they had no masks or anything. She said it was two families and they drove by and she spoke to them in the car.
Howard said Memet was saying that 2 out of 5 people up by him are not wearing masks. Robin said there were six people in the car that drove by her house.
Howard asked where the guys are. He said this is kind of fascinating. He asked Gary what he was saying. Gary said the town next to him there's apartment buildings and they have a lot of young people. He said no one wears a mask there. He said in Connecticut you can eat outside and no one is wearing a mask. He said the places are packed. Robin said they have to socially distance the table. Gary said they do but there's not an empty seat.
Jon Hein said they drove through the town and it looked like nothing was happening. He said the only people with masks were the people working there in the restaurants. He said it was mostly young people and it was like it was just a regular day. He said he's where Memet is and about half the people are wearing masks. He said they're selfish and only thinking about themselves and thinking about today. Jon said it will affect them and they have no one to blame but themselves.
Howard said there are people who get this thing and they can't get rid of the symptoms. Gary said Will had it in Mid-March and he still has stomach issues. He has a friend who still can't smell. Howard asked what's with his stomach. Will said it's making noise and it's unsettled all the time. He said it's not where it was before Corona. He said he's wondering if this is where he's going to be the rest of his life.
Robin said she has a friend who has a brain fart often. She said things just drop out once in a while.
Howard said he figured if he got he flu it would suck and it would go away. He said this ain't the flu. He said people are acting like it's done with.
Robin said she wants to know about the rules for restaurants because it seems like you just have to wear a mask until you get to your table.
Howard said Sal's dad still has to use oxygen after his Coronavirus case. Howard said someone was saying to Jason that this Coronavirus is caused by 5G. Jason said he was getting a delivery and this guy said this was a hoax and he just yes'd him. He said he started backing away and the guy said it's caused by 5G and he just backed away. He said he felt like Billy Bush with Trump.
Howard said one of the guys, Derek, ate at a restaurant over the weekend. Derek told him about what it was like up there in Connecticut. He said that you take your mask off when you sit and you get a paper menu so you can throw it out. He said it felt like being back to normal.
Howard said it sounds like you're playing Russian Roulette when you go out. He said you're not protecting the server when you don't have a mask on. Howard said he's not sure how to get back to normal but this doesn't seem like it's going to work.
Howard said his friends ask when he's going to go out again but he doesn't know. He said he's not going to get this thing. He said he's getting lonely a bit. He said it does seem a little weird. He said they haven't seen anyone. He said he doesn't want to go through COVID-19 at all.
Robin said after her history of working from home she doesn't want to feel bad again. She said she's feeling great now and doesn't want to go through any of that.
Howard said he was talking to his mother last night and told her about Robin going through cancer and how strong she was. He said she has the strength of 50 people. He said he never heard her complain even at the height of her chemotherapy. Robin said she heard Howard complain. Howard said of course he was. He said he was so tired of getting up so early. Robin said she had to hear him complain about America's Got Talent killing him while she had cancer.
Howard said he really was miserable doing America's Got Talent. He said he was watching his life waste away. He said he's not sure if it was that or the endless hours of doing it and then seeing stuff edited out. He said that must have been it. He said they said they were protecting him because he was coming off too mean. He said he's not going to tell someone they have talent if they have no talent. He said he was being honest.
Howard said he would throw in some nice comments eventually just so he could get on TV once in a while. Howard said one of the producers told him to bust some balls on someone. He said he did that with some magicians. He said he turned them against each other. He said he had to get rid of one and told them to tell him why he should get rid of the other guy. He said he did that and got them going at each other and the producers said they can't use it. He wondered what he was doing there.
Robin said she just can't be sick again. Howard said when they're in the middle of being bashed does she think about how she just beat cancer. He said he thinks she beat it. Robin said she has. She said that it was 8 years and Dr. Agus was talking about how she's still kicking butt. Howard said he told his mother that Robin is cancer free and she said that's fabulous. Howard said he told her that you're never really free of it. He said he was knocking on wood and all of that.
Howard said he's superstitious and he has to knock on wood. He said he thinks he can affect her in some way.
Robin said Dr. Agus told her not to die from something else because she has this licked. Robin said the most chilling statement was that they were going to ''try to keep her alive'' when she got diagnosed. She said she thought she was done with that.
Howard said they take their cats to the vet and put them trough stuff to keep them alive and then they last a month. He said you go through all of this stuff to keep yourself alive for another month and its not worth it. Robin said she thought she was going to have to do this stuff every 6 months or so.
Howard said Robin was so amazing going to work every day even through the cancer thing. He said she came into work and she would fall and he heard about it and thought she should stay home. He said he would be a whimpering baby with that. Howard did his impression of his mom talking about what a blessing Robin is.
Howard said he thought his mother was going to start talking about herself. He said Robin had to deal with a lot of things in her life. He said she had her dad to deal with too. He said she must have had an epiphany about how nothing must bother her. Robin said she did think about how she can't take it and thought about dying. She said that she thought nothing bad could happen to her again because such a bad thing happened to her.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks she was crazy because she was crazy or because her parents drove her crazy. Robin said she looked crazy when she used to have crazy reactions to things. She said her actions were so outrageous that she looked crazy. She said she would scream about someone dropping a pin on the floor. Robin said she might have felt threatened by something and she could get really crazy.
Robin said someone had broken into her car and she was going home that night and she had a broken window and glass on the seat. She said this person approaches her car to do the window squeegee thing and she told that guy that someone is going to die tonight and don't let it be you. She said she could have this Tony Soprano deadly kind of thing come out of her. She said she scared homeless people a lot. She said she had to go to the Laundromat once and she scared a woman there. She said she was like that and didn't want people messing with her.
Howard said he can remember calling people close to him and talking about how pissed off Robin was at him and he wasn't sure why. He said he wasn't going to ask why. He said he just let it blow over.
Gary said there were days where Robin would get angry and they had this guy who was there working with them and he heard her freaking out about her umbrella going missing and he just gave her his. Robin said that was in the K-Rock lobby. Gary said he remembers her swinging a coffee pot around because it was empty and screaming about how there was no coffee.
Howard asked if that all came from her not being paid attention to by her parents. Robin said that was a rage. She said she was thinking that this was someone not doing their job. Howard asked if that came from her being angry about her parents. Robin said oh yes. Howard said she was driven crazy by a lack of love. Robin said also no skills to handle any kind of accidents or mishaps. She said it was the basics of life.
Howard said most kids can go to their parents and get help but she wasn't able to do that. Robin said he did leave her alone eventually. She said she told him that he had to kill her or she'd kill him. She said that you get crazy power when you think you can kill someone. She said that she knew she was really screwed up after that. She said she couldn't say anything to anyone else. She said she told him that she needed help and the problem was that he knew that he'd be exposed if she did get the help she needed. She said he chose to help himself instead of helping her.
Howard asked if she went to anyone with her problems. Robin said that would have opened up a can of worms. She said she never did. She loved her teachers but she didn't share.
Howard asked if her dad ever felt shame for what he did. Robin said he did. She said that she realized apologies didn't work when she asked him for one. She said he gave the most eloquent apology to her and then he asked if that was enough. She said it was not enough. She said it really means nothing because you suffered all those years.
Howard asked if she ever forgave him. Robin said she did. She said that she has worked on herself over the years. She said you have to separate the two things. She was just a kid and she didn't do anything to make it happen. Howard said he thinks that he was an annoying kid and he annoyed the shit out of his parents. Robin said she separated the two and she doesn't think that about herself.
Robin said she knows that it's not a child's fault that something happens to them. She realizes that it wasn't her fault when she can look at a child like that.
Howard asked her dad was treated poorly as a child. Robin said he was. She went through some of the things that he had to deal with. Howard said that's the worst.
Howard said he has had people who have had cancer in their lives and it's relatively few. He said he has never seen anyone with the fortitude that Robin has. He said maybe it was from what she has been through her whole life. robins said she gets over it all and she thinks that nothing can defeat her. Howard said he thought that she was going to have a really hard time. He said that she said if she dies she dies. He said he told her she can't die because ''what about me?'' Robin said that was terrible. She said that was like the worst day of her life when he said that they have to continue. She said she's going to cry now. She said she won't say what he said but Howard made her live. She said she was so pissed at him for being in her life. She said she's supposed to be the most independent person and he was making her change her mind. She said that he meant so much to her that she had to stick around.
Howard said he was trying to help his mother last night because she has been through some tough times lately. He said that it's been challenging for her. He said his father had a stroke and he isn't the same anymore either. He said he can't come on the air anymore because of that. He said his parents used to love coming on the air. He said his mom is still pretty good but she has to care for his father. He said it's tough for her.
Howard said his mother said that she has been with his father for 60 some years. He said he was talking to his mother about this stuff and he gets sad about it. He said he talks about Robin so she can hear that someone has this inner strength and fortitude. He said if he had Robin's childhood he would be on anti-depressants. He said there's no way he'd have her attitude. Robin said she thinks she can get out of anything if she can get out of that mess she was in. She said once she got out she felt free.
Howard said Robin said it was therapy that helped her out. Robin said she had great mentors in her life. She said she would break all the time with Howard. She said there was a lot of pressure there. Howard said doing this radio show is like walking on the Grand Canyon on a wire. He said you're talking off the top of your head and trying to make people laugh and get ratings. He said that's high pressure. He said he must have made Robin crazy.
Robin said it was the situation they were in and not Howard. She said they were constantly doing things at work to make things okay so they could keep doing it.
Howard said he didn't think he was going to survive Robin's cancer. Robin said that's why she had to stick around. Howard said he was in therapy and his therapist told him he has to prepare for the worst. He said there was no way he was going to do that. He said he thought if he did enough of his OCD things that he'd keep her around. He said he thought he'd be fucked if Robin was gone. Robin said he made her stick around. Howard said he has never seen people face cancer like this. He said Robin was very brave. He said he's never seen braver. Howard said he didn't understand what brave was until he saw how Robin handled it. He said he used to call Dr. Agus all the time asking if she was going to be okay. He said he was very optimistic. Robin said he was the one who slapped her around on the phone and told her she could do it.
Robin said she was pissed that she was on this health thing and she still got sick. Howard said he blamed all of those things for her cancer. He said he figured that her coffee enemas and things like that caused it. He said he knew she shouldn't have been doing all of that shit. He said he had to blame something and that was it. He said he blamed her witchcraft and coven and all of that.
Robin said she felt betrayed by her body. Howard said he blamed her traveling and the guy rubbing rocks on her belly in Peru. He said he had it all figured out. He said he has to blame something for all of that. He said it was the Peru guy and the Ayahuasca and the stuff she put up her ass.
Howard said when this happened to Robin he realized that we're human and they're all going to fucking die. He said he was blaming everything Robin ever did for giving her cancer. He said he blamed her race car driving. Robin said Dr. Agus told her she had to act like a sick person. She said she had to act like she was fine.
Howard said he and Robin said they would not talk about this on the air while it was going on. Howard said he thought that every nut job would come out and write to her telling her what to do. He said they would hammer away at her. He said he thought it would be best if they didn't talk about it.
Howard said Robin called one day and said there was a reporter trying to get her to talk about her cancer. She said that he knew that she was sick. Howard said he told her to slam the door on the guy and get away from him. Howard said that was the ugliest thing. He said he'd like to write a book about that guy's life. Robin said he was pitiful. Howard said he thinks he saw a movie about a reporter like that who had to go knock on doors like that.
Howard said he told his mother about Robin and how positive she was through the whole thing. He said if they could bottle that kind of energy for everyone who has cancer then they'd all survive.
Howard asked what her chances were. Robin said she never asked. She said that they did tell her they would try to keep her alive and that was tough to hear. She said they said she might live for a few years and she didn't want to go through that and only have a few years. Howard said he can't imagine that. He said it's an unbelievable story.
Howard said Robin must be shocked she had this attitude. Robin said she never thought they were going to be defeated at their job and she had the same attitude with this.
Howard said he thinks that if they had never met that he wouldn't have been successful. He said his father told him how great Robin was when he started out with her. He said that they went through so much together. He said then they tell him she has cancer and he didn't want to do this anymore if anything happened to her. He said it wouldn't be the same. He said he'd have to go back to America's Got Talent. He said he's not sure how he'd do the show without her.
Howard said he can't imagine having anyone else to talk to on the air. He said Robin is the best. Robin thanked him for that.
Howard said he told his mother that Robin is a gem. He said that's why he works with her. He said if she ever wrote a book that's what she should write about.
Robin said Dr. Oz once asked her how she knew how to talk to her doctors. He said she didn't know but she was an advocate for herself. She said she didn't just sit there and let them tell her what was going to happen.
Howard said his attitude was that someone had to be an advocate for Robin. He said if someone is facing cancer right now the scariest part is knowing what the best place is to go. He said he started making phone calls and called up Brad Grey who was the head of Paramount Pictures. He said he thinks he was the guy he called to get some advice from. He said he doesn't know why he called him because he didn't know he had cancer. He said Brad had it and it came as a shock to him when he died from it. Howard said he didn't know his history but he knew that Brad was great to him and very supportive of him and his career. He said maybe he had heard he was well connected. He said he asked him for advice. He said the other person he spoke to was his friend Pat. He said he ended up getting in touch with Dr. Agus through Brad. Robin said they called him together. She said that Howard found him and they called him together.
Howard said he thinks he had conspired with Dr. Agus ahead of time. Robin said she remembers him talking about the message he got and how they got him to call them because of that. Howard said his fear was that Robin wouldn't listen to Dr. Agus. He said she liked him right away. Robin said she cursed out her surgeon before he worked on her. She said she thought about not letting him work on her after that. Howard said that was good that she cursed him out. Robin said she wanted him to know what was unacceptable to her.
Howard said that was the part where they said they were going to take out half her insides and she was going to have to maybe get a permanent colostomy. He said she'd never be able to shit or piss again on her own. He said Robin said that was unacceptable and she wasn't going to do that. Howard said she yelled at the guy. Robin said she was cursing him out. She said he told her it was going to be okay and she said that she knew it wasn't because she was a nurse. She said she called him the M-F word and told him that he can't tell her that.
Howard said they did a 12 hour surgery and most of that may have been them trying to keep her from having a colostomy. Robin said she had no idea that it was going to last as long as it did. She said that she told him that she was going to have the life that he gives her after he told her that she was going to have the life she wants.
Howard said he remembers being on the phone with her friend Susan while Robin was in surgery. He said he made a deal with her to give him updates. He said she was getting updates from the doctor. Howard said she would call him hourly and give him updates. He said that she told him it wasn't going to be good and he had to prepare himself. He said he would cry like a baby. He said he was sobbing on the phone to Susan and he was so ashamed. He said it was really weird to him. He said he was crying in the shrink's office too. He said he had such shame about crying and being sad. He said the shrink told him that's okay. He was pushing away emotion all these years and not letting anyone near him. He said the thought of losing her drove him over the edge. He had never had anything like that before. He said his shrink told him that's just being human. He said he didn't know that because he had never had that in his life.
Robin said Howard told her she could live with this stuff no matter what she had happen to her. She said she figured she might have to accept this and that. She said that her boundaries were widening for him. She got pissed at herself.
Howard said he's sitting there talking about this and he didn't know he was going to do this. He said that he's never seen anyone on the planet who had a better attitude. He wonders what it is. Robin said she thinks it was Dr. Agus telling her she had to act like a sick person. She said she just went back to being herself. She said she wasn't herself feeling sick and vulnerable. She said she had to get up and just let the rubber hit the road.
Howard said she was back up on her feet quickly after the surgery. Robin said she had some time off during vacation. She said that helped. Howard said he went to the hospital the next day or something. Robin said he was there the next day. Howard said he had to worry about infecting her. He said he remembers going in and Artie was there. He said he hadn't seen him since he left the show. He said he thinks Fred showed up too. Robin said there were other people there. Howard said Robin was laughing and entertaining everyone. He said he thinks he told her to conserve her energy. He said her attitude was just insane.
Howard said he remembers telling everyone to give her some room and he thought that's what he'd want. He said he was trying to think for her. Robin said it was funny because they get you out of bed shortly after you wake up. She said this physical therapist came in that morning and told her that she had to get out of bed and walk down the hall. She said the more you walk the better you'll be for recovery. She said they walked for 5 minutes or something and she got back in bed. Robin said she figured that walking was the best way to get out of there. She said she met her in the hall the next day. She said the therapist said she must not need her and she never saw her again. Robin said she would just walk to get out of that place.
Howard said Robin had this large tumor in her and it blocked her from peeing. Robin said she was tired all the time too. She said that the tumor blocked her urethra too. Howard said she could have thought it was just from getting older. Robin said she thought she was going to snap out of it.
Robin said she didn't have any other symptoms from the tumor. Howard said it was quickly after that when she had surgery. Robin said it was within a week. Howard said Robin had this grapefruit sized tumor and he wondered how she can make all of these decisions. He said it was like trying to read a menu when you're down and out. He said Pat told him that's why she needs an advocate. Howard said he was told he has to find someone and that's when he found Dr. Agus. He said this is the best advice for someone who has cancer now. He said you need someone to help make the decisions.
Howard asked Robin how many years it's been. Robin said the surgery was May 23, 2012. Howard said he's going to do the math. He did the long math and was having some trouble coming up with the amount of time. Robin helped him figure out it's been 8 years.
Howard said she just had a scan and she's good. Robin said she feels great. Howard said they should have Dr. Agus on the show again. He said that he wants to ask if he has ever seen anyone fight cancer the way Robin did. He said she was all happy go lucky. Robin said you have to have fun while you're here. She said she wasn't going to be miserable. Howard said he's spent his whole life being miserable.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said this was the best beginning of the show he's heard in a long time. He said he enjoyed this conversation. Howard said he does not know how to express his appreciation for Robin after all these years. He said he has told her on the phone how much he loves her but he wishes he could give this kind of positive energy to his mother. He said he wishes he could inject this positive attitude Robin has into his mother. He said Robin has always had that attitude. He said it's dynamic and you can't bottle it.
Robin said she thinks about one time when they were at WNBC and she was reduced to tears by his Meredith person there. She said she had to run to the ladies room and pull herself together. She said she splashed water on her face and put on her imaginary armor. She said Howard was expecting her to be a mess abut she went in there and said ''Lets do a show.''
Howard said what they attempted to do to Robin there at WNBC was so fucking crazy. He said he has never explained how crazy they tried to make her. He said he's tying that together with her father. He said Robin was a nurse and she switched careers. He said that she got into radio and all of a sudden they're at WNBC. He said they didn't hire Robin at first there. He said he finally got them all reunited there. He said that the only person who can control him was Robin. He said that's what he told them at WNBC. He said he wanted Robin there with him.
Howard said he got Robin there and the guys told him that he had to behave if they got her there. He said that Robin was actually his strength. He said she was going to make him worse to deal with. Howard said he had this guy Neil who was a great guy there. He said he was teamed up with him and he had no chemistry with him. Howard said Robin was the one he wanted to do the show with.
Howard said their plans were so devious there. He said the people in the news room decided she wasn't a professional news person because she didn't do things the way they did. Howard said it was boring radio to do it that way. He said they all sound perfect and he didn't want that.
Howard said they decided to break Robin. He said they tortured her psychologically there. He said they told her she can't read and they wanted to send her to a coach. He said he just wanted to do the show the way he wanted to do it. Howard said he asked them to leave them alone. He said they were number one in under a year in Washington. He said it didn't matter if Robin didn't sound like everyone else doing the news.
Howard said he was right about it because look at the way people do the news today. He said they do it like he and Robin did it.
Robin said that she thought about how she could kill Meredith with a pen. She said that she talked about it on the air once and she had to go back to the news room with her. Howard said everyone there was against them there at WNBC. Howard said he felt like he had done the best and worst thing to Robin by getting her there.
Howard said Randy Baumgarten was a great guy there at WNBC. He said John Hayes told him that he had to get Robin in line and get her to sound like a news person. He said he had this vision of radio sounding great and fantastic but they didn't get it. He said Robin had that great attitude there like she did with cancer.
Robin said she would walk into the news room and Meredith would say her name as soon as she walked in. Robins said she would tell her something horrible about herself and this went on and on. Robin said one day she told Meredith that she doesn't know what she's doing. She said that she told her she won't speak to her for 30 days after that. She said for those 30 days she would mark the day on her calendar. She said at the end of those 30 days she called her into her office.
Howard said he felt guilty bringing her there because of the way they treated her. He said Bill Maher's dad worked there and he treated Robin very well. He said that he'd tell her to hang in there. Robin said she loved Bill's dad. Howard said he was sweet about it. He said that not everyone was that nice. He said Bill Maher's dad was a good guy. He said he always just loved his father for that. He said he was a very competent news man. He said the fact that he'd lean into Robin and tell her to hang in there means a lot to him. He said he can't describe what a nightmare those people where. Robin said they were real good at making you feel bad. Howard said that should have been their slogan.
Gary said he'd go back to talk to Robin and there was that mean girls kind of vibe. He said they had the engineers back there and they hated their show too. He said that Robin and this woman would sit next to one another and not look at each other. He said it was very upsetting.
Howard said he wonders how they didn't crack. He said at his lowest points he'd go to Robin and think that he can't do this anymore. He said Robin would tell him they can't be defeated by these assholes. He said it was a struggle. He said Fred was great for Robin too. Robin said she cried on his shoulder a lot.
Howard said he wasn't able to relieve the tension on his stomach there. He said it was like being in school and getting ready to take a beating. He said that same feeling was the one had at NBC radio. He said he'd get on the subway to go to work and he was thinking about the beating he was about to take at work. He said he knew they'd be told they suck. He said Robin's energy really helped.
Howard said that's why when he got the news about Robin's cancer he was so upset. He said they had finally gotten to a good place there at Sirius. He said he's not sure what was worse, cancer or NBC. He said Robin put the same energy into both. He said that he wishes he could bottle whatever it is Robin has. He said maybe it's just attitude. He said she said they were going to survive this no matter what.
Robin said she couldn't let them take this away. Howard said at K-Rock things were so much better. He said Mel was a good boss. He said he was the kind of guy who told them to just go do their thing. He said he was a great guy and just incredible.
Howard said he doesn't have the secret to beating cancer. He said he has never seen anyone battle like Robin did. He said he wishes he had that in him. He said he's just a big pussy.
Robin said she's happy her parents were bad at it. She said it made her who she is. She said she got a great set of qualities from it. She said she got this strong because she had to.
Robin said she has seen people who were treated great as kids and they can't take it. She said they crumble.
Howard took a call from a guy who congratulated Robin on going 8 years. He said time flies. The caller said the fans knew it was serious. He said congratulations on kicking cancer's ass. He said he lost his wife on April 28th. He said she fought so hard and she never lost her positive attitude. He said the show has helped him through it. He said the show was a constant in their lives. He said he would go to bed and wake up with the show.
Howard said he didn't mean to bring everyone down. The caller, Pete, said this helps. He said that his wife never lost her fight but the disease was just too much. Howard said it's hard to watch someone go through that.
Howard said he's sorry to hear he lost his wife. Pete thanked him for putting on the show that gives them laughs and diversions. Howard said Robin is single so maybe he'd be interested in her. Pete said he'll leave his contact information so Robin can contact him in a couple of weeks.
Howard said he should take a break. He said they have a lot to get to today. He said he has an Underdog update and a Sour Shoes update. He said he has some preachers talking about Coronavirus too. Howard got in a plug for Blackened American Whiskey and had JD help with that. Howard talked about making whiskey sours when he was younger. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that's a great song to come back to. He asked if that was an accident or intentional. He said it's such a great song. He said he was watching that show Songland that Adam Levine produces. He said song writers come on and pitch their songs to famous artists. He said he's fascinated by song writing. He said the songs are so vapid and they don't write anything like this song. He asked Robin if she watches that show. Robin said she does and she loves it. Howard said he was saying that the reason they're not great song writers is because they don't write songs like this. He said the lead singer, Art, broke down crying writing this song. Howard said a lot of song writers can't write on this level. Robin said she wonders what's missing from songs. Howard said it's the heart.
Howard got Jeff the Drunk on the phone and said they were talking earlier and Jeff was complaining that he can't get on the show on Twitter. He said he's not sure what he's doing. He said he doesn't want to get too into it but he has like 50 phone lines and they're packed.
Howard said this isn't Jeff actually. He said this is another Jeff. He said he'll get to him in a second. He said Jeff the Drunk has been trying to get on and he can't drop whatever he's talking about to speak to him. Robin said you'd think that he'd take a couple of days off after his awful call yesterday.
Howard asked Shuli what Jeff is complaining about. Shuli did his Jeff impression reading his tweets about not being able to get through to the show. Howard said that's why they love him apparently.
Howard said Tan Mom just got out of the hospital. He asked Shuli what's going on there. Shuli said she had hip surgery. Howard got Tan Mom on the phone and said she's kind of down in the dumps. She said she had a second hip surgery and it popped out twice as she was standing. She said she had to go to the hospital 4 times in a month. She said she's trying to stay upbeat but it's tough.
Howard said he has friends who have had hip surgery and they make it sound like it's not so bad. Howard said they replace your whole hip and he's not sure how people recover so quickly.
Tan Mom said she has to walk with a walker right now. She said he can't sit still in bed. Howard said they have Tan Mom puppet there. Shuli did his Tan Mom impression with his puppet on camera. Howard spoke to the puppet for a short time and Tan Mom was laughing at the bit.
Howard asked if Tan Mom is doing okay. Tan Mom talked about something that she's getting done for free. Robin said she said she's getting free teeth. Tan Mom said she's getting free veneers. She said that she's very grateful about that. She said there's a lot to talk about.
Howard asked Memet what she's talking about. Tan Mom said she's not trying to plug, she's trying to stay positive.
Memet said that he's been in touch with her lately and she told him a crazy story about how she was in a car and her hip popped out of place and into her private area. He said it slipped out and pushed against her vagina. Howard asked if it popped out of her vagina. Tan Mom said it was the most painful experience she's ever felt. Robin asked if they had to go into her vagina to pop it back in. Tan Mom said yes. Tan Mom puppet said that it was the most painful and awesome experience ever.
Howard said tan Mom is having another Pay Per View event. He said JD is refusing to cover it unless they force him to. JD said the shows have been such a mess and they're not that entertaining. He said he's tired of it. He said they're going to talk about tanning. Howard said that might be fascinating. Tan Mom said that it's going to be good and she hopes JD will watch it.
Howard asked if Tan Mom has an agenda. Tan Mom said that the show is about islands and about tanning. She said that if you have pale skin you have to go into a tanning booth before you go into the sun. She said there's a lot more to it than you know.
Howard said he's looking at JD's face and he thinks he has to make him watch it. JD said he's waiting to see how long before she does that Glossy song again. Howard said JD can watch that or he can spend the night watching gay porn. JD had to think about that. He said it depends on the gay porn. Howard said it's male. JD said he knows that. He said he might be able to get some audio out of that. Gary said JD and Richard used to watch gay porn just for fun. He said that they'd laugh the whole time. He asked what was so funny about it. JD said guys are just weird looking during sex. He said it's just funny.
Howard said when Eric the Actor had his American Idol show he made JD watch that. He said he feels bad for him. He asked JD which was worse, Tan Mom or Eric. JD said Eric was entertaining abut the shows were like 3 or 4 hours long. He said the Tan Mom show lasts just 30 minutes or so. He said that you can take that.
Tan Mom said they're going to talk about the tanning thing and going to islands and all of that. She said it's not just talking. Robin asked what else they do. Tan Mom said that it is just talking.
JD said Adam Barta is the guy who puts himself out there. He said he leads the way. He said they want more of Tan Mom. Tan Mom said okay to that. She said they're going to be in the same room so they won't have the issues they had last time.
Howard asked JD if he's going to watch this. JD said he will. He didn't sound so thrilled about it.
Howard said Tan Mom is an expert on tanning. He said what a glow she has. He asked if she remembers the time she knew it was her thing. He asked how it all came about. Tan Mom said she has loved being in the sun since she was a kid. She said she didn't want things to happen the way it did but she knew she cold make a lot of money like this. She said her name became a household name over something bad. She said she wishes it was positive.
Howard said he asked her when she knew she was into tanning and she ended up talking about her daughter. He said he's not sure how they got there. Howard said maybe answer the question instead. He said he thinks that she just got into it as a kid. Tan Mom said that's it. She said she knows she runs on a bit.
Howard asked Tan Mom Puppet a question and she went on and on with a rambling answer. Shuli was doing his great impression of her and had her slurring her words and rambling.
Howard said Tan Mom did say something about making money by tanning. Tan Mom said that she has traveled all over the place and she realized she could make money when she was about 18. She said she would promote things outside of Tanning salons. She said she was making money selling lemonade and things like that. She said she was rolling in the money for the ice cream man. Robin cracked up. Howard said he might have to tune into this special. He said he might have to see it.
Tan Mom Puppet said that they will ask her one question and it'll take up the whole special. Robin said it looks like the Tan Mom Puppet has a balm on her lips. Tan Mom Puppet said it's Turtle Wax.
Howard asked Tan Mom what the best thing to put on your lips is. Tan Mom said it's zinc. She said that's what she uses. Howard said he's predicting that the special is going to last a few seconds after that answer.
Tan Mom Puppet asked Robin what zinc is. Tan Mom was laughing. Howard said that's the stuff they put in her head for the metal plate. Tan Mom said that was a really terrible situation. Howard said she should do a special about her plate in her head. Tan Mom said she has pain in her head from that. She said she feels completely different.
Howard said he remembers that Tan Mom hung up in the middle of her last special because her WiFi was so bad last time. Tan Mom said that was not on purpose. She said that she was trying to make it louder and she did the wrong thing. She said she apologizes for doing that.
Howard said he's looking forward to her special. He said he would love to hear one about the plate in her head too. Tan Mom said that would be excellent. She said maybe a half hour mini series about it.
Howard asked Tan Mom Puppet if her tit is hanging out of her shirt. Tan Mom Puppet said she can't get it back in. Robin said that happened during her special last time. Tan Mom said that she did that accidentally. JD said her tits look good actually. He apologized and said ''breasts.'' Tan Mom said they can wrap up on that. Howard said the special is this Friday. He said he loves that JD has to watch it for his job.
Howard asked if she's going to have any nudity this time on the show or is it family friendly. He said he's sure that the fans will be able to figure out how to get it.
Tan Mom blurted out something about how to get tickets and Tan Mom Puppet was doing an impression of that. Tan Mom had to say it slowly and said it was Stage It Tickets. Shuli kept doing the impression of her saying it really fast an unintelligible.
Howard asked Tan Mom if she will talk about tanning nude. Tan Mom said she should talk about that. Robin said he just extended the show. Howard asked if she tans her privates. Tan Mom said of course she does. She said she tans the whole thing and doesn't cover up. She said she's not dried up down there either. Howard asked if she tans her butthole. Tan Mom said she doesn't do that. Howard asked if she has thought about doing it. Tan Mom said that's not a factor. She said you get horny down there tanning. She said that you get hot down there but she forgets what it's called. She said you get out of there and you want to go have sex. She said people have sex in the tanning salon all the time. She said that she won't answer if she has done it. She said that you can do it in there.
Howard asked if she touches her clitoris while she's in there. Tan Mom said she will not answer that. Howard asked Tan Mom Puppet if she answers those questions. Tan Mom Puppet said that you have to be careful if you're a squirter in a tanning booth. Tan Mom said ''Oh my god.'' Howard asked where they can see Tan Mom Puppet online. Shuli did his impression of her rattling off the web site for the special.
Robin asked if Tan Mom is home. She said she is. She said she's in her bed at home. She said she has things lined up to do but she's not mobile yet. She said she's using the walker and working on getting up. Tan Mom Puppet said she's working on a show called the Six Million Dollar Tan.
Howard let Tan Mom go and took a call from a woman who said that she loves that she gets to be smart when Tan Mom is on. Beth came in and gave Howard his strawberries. She ran right out.
Howard said just keep the negativity down. Jeff said you have to stay positive. Howard asked Jeff the Drunk Puppet some questions. Howard said he sees that Shuli has a picture of Jeff hanging up in his house. Shuli said he does.
Howard thanked Jeff and the puppet for adding nothing to the show today. Howard said it's great to have Jeff on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he feels like Jeff is the Benjy of the Wack Pack. He said it brings the show right to a halt. Howard said that's why he got rid of him so quickly.
The caller, Anthony, said that he's trying to date a woman and he's only been in touch with her on the phone and online. He said she has vocal fry and he can just think about Howard. Howard said he tried dating for a while and he ended up back in a long term relationship. He said he met her a year to he day of getting divorced. He said he's not in the dating game, he's in the marriage game. Robin said she told him he was the marrying kind. Howard said he didn't know that about himself. Robin said that Howard thought she didn't know him as well as she thought she did. Howard said the smartest thing he did was marry Beth. He said he's very happy. He said people ask for dating advice but he hasn't dated that much.
Howard said he did get mad at Robin for saying he was the marrying type. He said that he tried to talk to Bill Maher about that dating life. He said that he thought he could be like that and women would put their dreams and beliefs aside for him and have fun with him. He said that he wanted to have constant fucking and variety. He said he thought that's what he wanted. He said he figured they'd get tired of each other and a new crop of women would come around for him. He said he thought he'd be like a cult leader with women around him all the time. He said talk about a delusion. He said what a delusional asshole. Robin said he had it all mapped out.
Howard said you have to feel bad for the women. He said that if someone is going along with that you have to feel for them and want to wake them up. He said it's this delusional guys have. He said you think you can go pick out a few women and have this kind of relationship.
Howard said vocal fry drives him crazy. He told Anthony that if she's hot you might not care. He said if she's a 10 then you can overlook it. He said he can forgive it for now. He said that would really drive him nuts though. He demonstrated what vocal fry sounds like.
Howard said it seems to be mostly women who have it but he has heard some men with vocal fry. He asked Anthony how hot this woman is. Anthony said she's pretty hot. He said she wants to go out to a restaurant and a bar. He said no one is wearing masks down where he lives in Ft. Lauderdale. Howard said we are going to have such a surge. He said we're not going to get back to normal for a year or two. He said he's no medical expert but he sees a big surge coming.
Robin said they think that 200,000 Americans will be dead by October. Howard said no one is willing to wear a mask. Robin said they say that everyone should be wearing an N95 mask. She said they want you to wear masks that will protect you from others and the other way around. Howard said that makes sense. Howard said he feels like they're in a loony bin right now. He said over 18,000 new cases were reported yesterday. He said just wear a mask. He said just start with a bandana. Howard asked how we're going to get people in an N95 mask.
Howard said this ain't the flu. He said it doesn't make sense. Robin said they say that all of this opening and false sense of confidence is going to cause problems. Howard said he sounds like an old fuddy duddy. He said he was talking to a pal the other night and he said he saw some family members. He said they were going to get in a car and go somewhere. He said they're going to die. He asked if it's worth the risk. He said he likes to see people too but he's not going to kill himself to go see them.
Howard said he's not sure what to tell Anthony about this vocal fry. He said maybe ask her to stop talking like that. He said that will insult her and send her away. He said she will say she doesn't do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has dealt with this vocal fry thing. Howard asked him what he has to say. Dave was speaking with vocal fry and told him there is no such thing as vocal fry. He said he just has to tell her that he likes her for who she is.
Robin asked when they take their masks off if they go on a date. Howard said he would have them both get tested and then put the woman in the extra room for a couple of weeks. He said they skip the dating and all of that shit and get into living together. He said they go right into that. Anthony said he'll have to try that.
Robin said they say that you should avoid kissing and anything with an exchange of fluids. Robin said that means just banging or using hands. Howard said he'd have him rub her tits and have N95 masks on and then put it in and there you go. Howard said sex is going to become obsolete very soon.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who asked about the picture that Shuli has and which one it is. Howard said Jeff has his tongue out. Jeff said Shuli said that his brother wanted it and it turns out that Shuli really wants it. Shuli said he offered it to his brother and he turned it down. He said he's a big fan of the show and it's the one thing he turned down. Shuli said his wife wants to throw it out and she's wanted to do that for years.
Robin asked why he didn't give it to Jeff. Shuli said he's sure it won't be a pain in the ass for him to get it to him. Howard said how about driving upstate and bury it in a shallow grave.
Howard said the city of New York gave tips for getting kinky. He said they say wear a face mask and use barriers like a wall to have sex. He said he thinks they're talking about a glory hole.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he can't believe that he's still thinking about this Coronavirus. He said the government has all of this worked out. He asked how many people have died from this Coronavirus. Howard said we're over 100,000 in this country alone. The caller said since all of the rioting crap going on they say don't do this and that but look at all of these people out there who are not dying. Howard said it takes a while for it to show up. Robin said it takes 2 weeks. The caller said it's been months they've been protesting. Howard said it's been like 2 weeks or so.
Howard said he hates to generalize but it always sounds like guys like this (with a southern accent) who think there's nothing going on. He asked if the caller is a scientist. The caller said he's not but if you really think about it you see that this is the government doing this. Howard said most people would want to hear from a doctor like Dr. Fauci or something. The caller said he drives a truck around the country every day and he sees things. He said they're up there in New York sitting in their offices. He said they don't see the big picture. Howard said he's right about that. He said at the end of the say this guy thinks this is a government plot based on nothing.
Howard said he knows some people who died from this. He said he's not alone though. He said he has Wild West Pete on the phone to talk him about this. Howard took that all and Pete talked to the other caller, Robin, about their conspiracy theories.
Howard asked Robin and Pete about gravity and if they believe in that. Robin said he does. Howard asked if the earth is round. Robin said yes. He said they're getting away from this. He said they're making jokes about all of this and it's not the same thing.
Robin Quivers asked Robin from Texas if the whole world is plotting together. Robin from Texas said they're trying to create a mass worry about everything. He said they have this protesting crap going on too. He said they always have to have something going on. Howard said that is true. He said there is always something going on. Robin asked if they keep them under control with that. Robin from Texas said it could be. Howard said this guy could probably kick his ass. He said if he was in person he'd probably agree with him.
Robin said there are over 400,000 deaths worldwide. She said that she wonders what else this guy has figured out. Howard asked Robin from Texas a question but he wasn't there. Howard asked if Robin is there. He wasn't answering. Howard said he swears that he didn't hang up on him.
Howard asked if he should do the Underdog thing today or wait until tomorrow. Robin said they need time to get through it. Howard said he can wait until tomorrow.
Howard said people complain about Bobo. Ralph said he can't stand Bobo but he likes not being able to stand him.
Howard got Jeff on the line and said he thinks that there's something charming about him being so bad on the show. Jeff said he is interesting. He said he is very interesting. Ralph asked in what way. Jeff said in every way possible.
Howard asked Ralph about Underdog. Ralph said she's weird and Howard can make her interesting. He said that Jeff can't be made interesting. Howard said Underdog thinks that it's wrong to honor Dracula at the wrong time of the month. Robin said she missed some Dracula day and couldn't believe she missed it.
Ralph said he doesn't not like her or like her. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ralph is the worst Wack Packer. The caller said Ralph is very entertaining but he is by far the worst Wack Packer because he incites everyone. He said he is the worst at that. Howard said they all have different definitions. He said that Ralph thinks that Jeff is the worst Wack Packer. Ralph said that he has to clear up the Sarah Silverman thing. He said he never said she wasn't hot. He said it just looked like she wasn't shaved down all the way. Jeff said he knew what he was doing.
Robin said Jeff is sitting on some interesting information. She said he doesn't know it. Howard said they have to pull it out like Ronnie's doody. Robin said she wants to know about Jeff remodeling his trailer. She said he has a lot of information about that but he won't talk about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Ralph is gay. Howard said Ralph has never said he is. He said all he can tell you is that he has said he is not gay. The caller said he always says he has a friend who won't admit he's gay. He said that must be Ralph. Howard said he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
Howard said he loves Richard Simmons and he said he's not gay. Howard said he believes that because why would someone lie? Robin said congratulations to the LGBTQ community because you can't fire someone for being gay. Howard said Ralph was celebrating that yesterday and he's not sure why.
Howard said if Ralph wants to call in and say if he's gay or not that's up to him. The caller said he just assumed he was gay. Howard said he did fail a lie detector test when they tested him once. Robin said that's right.
The caller said he has a gay cousin who is less gay than Ralph. Howard said that's something. Robin asked the caller if he has ever met someone he thought was gay that wasn't. The caller said no. Howard said if Ralph was gay he believes he would say he was. The caller said he has free magic beans to sell him if he believes that. Howard said he doesn't think Ralph has ever had a girlfriend but he is straight. He said he always takes people at their word. He said if he said he was straight he'd believe it. The caller said his cousin just texted and said he's with Ralph right now.
Robin asked if he believes Ralph would make a big announcement on the show if he was gay. Howard said he does. He said he is a free spirit. He said he says he's straight so he believes him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to weigh in on Jeff the Drunk. He said he has to tell him that whenever he hears him he never tunes out. He said just hearing Shuli making fun of him is great. He said that ''High Pitch Seany'' is another story. He said he changes the channel when he's on. Howard said there you go.
Howard said they covered a lot today. He said Ralph reminds him of Rock Hudson. He said he's very masculine and a real man. Robin said Rock was gay. Howard said he knows that people like to bust his balls but he's a very honest guy. He said he never doubts him when he tells him what's going on. He said it's really none of his business. He said if you're gay you're gay. He said it's none of his business. He said just live your life and let people live their lives.
Howard said he's very proud of that Supreme Court Justice who is very conservative and came out in favor of protecting the rights of the gay community.
Howard had Ralph back on the phone and he said he was enjoying that conversation. He said he liked the way he compared him to Liberace or Richard Simmons. Howard said that was Rock Hudson. Ralph said he liked that the caller said his gay cousin is less gay than him. Robin said even if Ralph is in bed with a gay man right now, if he says he's straight, he's straight. Howard said even if he had a finger up a guy's ass right now he's straight. Howard said he's confident that he will find love with a woman one day. Ralph was laughing. He said he's tried and love is a bad thing for him. Robin said it seems like women are making the bad decisions in that case. Robin said some woman went to his apartment and she was digging him until she saw his apartment. Ralph said he was just having fun with her.
Howard said she didn't like the Pam Anderson poster he had hanging. Ralph said it was right there as you walked in the door. He laughed as he talked about that.
Howard said Ralph had a bad upbringing too. He said he has many problems. Ralph said he does. He said everyone has problems. He said he listens to people talking about losing their father and he grew up with one and it was awful. He said you can get fucked up either way. He said you don't know what you're going to get. Howard said maybe he should try a guy. Robin said he hasn't been able to get it to work with women. Howard said that's the back story of Ralph.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Ralph is straight and there's something sexy about him. She said she just thinks that he's very picky. Ralph said he is very picky. Howard said she has him down to the letter. Mariann said he's very artsy and they have something about them that makes them love life. Howard said she has him figured out. Mariann said she and Ralph shared some licorice. She said he made her a bracelet that she adores. Ralph said he really likes her and thinks she's a sweetheart. Mariann said he has a very kind heart. Howard hung up on Mariann and thanked Ralph for calling in. He said it's time to end the speculation. He said Ralph says he's straight.
Howard said Chris Wilding thins Ralph is gay though. Chris said he knows he's gay for him for sure. Howard said he did ask Ralph about him and he said he's just a friend. Chris said there is some sexual tension there. He said they hang out and they say that Ralph looks at him like a piece of meat. Howard told Ralph to call back.
Chris said he's not into Ralph that way. He said it would be weird to hang out with him if Ralph was into him. He said the guys in the back bring it up to him because he doesn't see it.
Howard had Ralph back on the line and told him what Chris was just saying. Chris said he wasn't the one saying that he was into him. He said the other guys point it out to him. He said that Ralph has said that he would blow him. Howard said they joke about that too. Ralph said he's not really into blow jobs.
Ralph said he really likes Chris and there is no attraction there. He said he isn't into him that way. He said he swears there's nothing there. He said that he thinks Chris is really funny and they do laugh a lot together.
Howard said he thinks that Ralph is straight. He said he used to photograph people's feet on the subway and it was always women's feet. Ralph said that was one random picture and it was a fashion thing. He said it had to do with her shoes or her dress. He said he didn't do it regularly.
Howard said he can see why people would think Ralph is gay. He said they had a staff poker game and Ralph spent the whole game trying to tickle him. Ralph said that's not gay. Robin said that's about as creepy as taking pictures of women's feet.
Howard said he used to play poker in college and he doesn't recall anyone trying to tickle him. Chris said he was at the wrong poker game. He said Ralph was doing that to try to get him to drop his cards or something. Howard asked if he was into it. Chris said he doesn't like tickling. He said he doesn't think Ralph was invited back since then. He said he was banned by Jason like Howard banned him.
Howard said Ralph says he is not gay. Ralph said that's right. Chris said he thinks he's gay but whatever he says is what he says. He said he thinks maybe Ralph is the Q in LGBTQ. He said that means questioning and he might be questioning. He said everyone has to do what's good for them. He said some guys don't want that label and he gets that. Ralph said he has that label already. Chris said he's kind of like David Bowie in that way. Howard said he is but with a big berry on his face. Ralph said he's David Berry.
Howard asked what Chris thought about his ankle bracelet. Chris said that's one way to show the boys that he's there and ready. Howard asked if that's what it is. Ralph said sure it is. Howard said he thinks they've had enough of guessing at Ralph's sexuality. Howard said next time they're alone Chris should tell Ralph that he would bottom for him. Chris said that he thinks that Ralph would want to be a bottom. Ralph said maybe they should wrestle and find out.
Howard said how about the Harvey Weinstein case and how they say his penis is deformed and being written about. He said they say he suffers from something called Fournier's gangrene. Howard asked who gets gangrene at this point. Gary said they say that it's all or most of his testicles were removed. He said you'd think that would make you less horny.
Robin said she just saw a picture of that disease. Howard said he doesn't want to see that. He said this whole thing is weird. Howard read the article and said this is why women were able to describe his penis. Gary asked if Howard wants to see a picture. Howard said he'll pass. He said he doesn't want that in his head today.
Howard said this Fournier's gangrene was named after a guy who had it. He said he would never name it after something like that. He said his family would be upset if he did that. He did his impression of his mother talking about that.
Gary said that in the Jeffrey Epstein documentary they describe his penis as being egg shaped. He said they all describe it in the special. He said they say Roger Ailes had a penis that looked like chopped meat. He said that Michael Jackson had vitiligo so what's up with these people?
Howard said he'd like to know how you get gangrene down there. He said at some point in his life he wants to just give up and get fat. He said that he was thinking he could do that but now he's thinking that there's no way he wants gangrene cock. Gary said they say that you can get a nick on your penis and it can get infected. He said Harvey may have been so fat he couldn't see what was going on down there. Robin said if you have diabetes you don't know what's going on. Ralph said Harvey wasn't that fat. He said he had to know what was going on down there. Gary said he's not so sure about that.
Howard said they say you can get the gangrene from excessive masturbation. He said he should cut down.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who says he treated a guy with gangrene balls. Howard took the call and the guy said that he worked in a wound care center and they had a patient who had this disease. He said they say it can get in through your pores and it can get away. Howard asked if Chris shaves his balls. Chris said he does and he had an ingrown hair that was the size of a marble. He said it scared the shit out of him.
Howard asked the caller what happened to the guy. The caller said he didn't ask how he got the problem but every time he came in he was white in the face. He said he had to remove the bandages around his balls and they had to pack inside the scrotum. He said they had long strips of bandages that helped soak up the infection. He said sometimes they'd get dried out. The caller said the white bandages would get stuck and they'd basically turn to jelly. Chris said he and Ralph are straight now.
Howard thanked the caller for the call. Robin said the other thing you have to consider is that gangrene smells. She said you have to know something is going on down there.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik and told him he has to be careful. Erik said he shaves his balls with his man groomer and he makes sure the hair is off his balls. Ralph asked who is interested in them. Erik said Chris is. Chris said he's done with him. Howard said Erik had gout. Erik said he doesn't have it now. He said he's very careful. He said he's very clean down there by his balls too. Howard said he has to be careful.
Chris said Erik has big balls and a tiny shaft. Erik talked about shaving for Chris down there. Erik said he doesn't have an ankle bracelet because he doesn't want to be like him. Howard asked if he thinks Ralph is gay. Erik said he's gay ''without a fact.''
Erik said he's not gay because Debbie the Cum Lady wants him. Ralph said Erik wants guys though. He said he doesn't want Debbie. Howard said he guarantees that he'd get hard if Chris was rubbing his leg. Erik said how about he has Chris and Debbie in the same night. Robin said maybe no one wants to sign up for that.
Howard said he has Gangrene on the phone and he wants to talk to Erik. Howard took the call and Gangrene said he's going to pass on Erik. He said he wants nothing to do with him. He said he's staying away from that situation down there. Erik said good because he doesn't want him. Gangrene said he also thinks Ralph is gay.
Howard thanked the guys for calling in. Erik told Howard to go out for a walk. He asked if Beth recorded him yelling at people this weekend. Howard said he didn't yell at anyone. He said he just yells under his breath when people don't wear masks.
Gary told Howard he should have Jon Hein on to explain because he has a lot of thoughts on it. Howard got him on and Jon said they haven't gotten rid of all of the apps. He said they have gotten rid of HBO Go. He said they still have HBO Max and HBO Now. Howard said he's not sure why the have it split up like that.
Jon explained what HBO Max is and how that has more than just HBO. Howard said he's not sure what he had. Gary said if you have HBO then you get HBO Max free for a year. He said it's kind of like their Netflix. Howard asked what he has to do to get the Khaleesi naked. Jon said you can see it on both HBO and HBO Max. Howard said they did the right thing by getting rid of the other app.
Gary said he started watching a show he didn't watch this year. He said he went in to watch it in HBO Now and it was gone. He said it's still super confusing. He said he had to get HBO Max.
Howard said thank god they work for a company that's one name and not confusing at all... Sirius XM Pandora. Howard said they simplified it. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:50am.
Robin said in Connecticut they're letting people eat indoors. Howard said JD sent over some tape of some Coronavirus Orange County Crazies. He said there were a bunch of people in California who were talking about Coronavirus. He said a bunch of residents there were going to complain about having to wear masks in public at a public meeting. He said it's one person after another complaining about it like there's some conspiracy against them.
Howard said this thing got out of hand at one point and a doctor had to resign over it. He said she got so many death threats that she had to quit. He said she was the person who made it mandatory to wear masks. Gary said they were heckling her and gave out her home address and they had a poster of her with a Hitler moustache. He said they were tormenting this woman.
JD said her name was Dr. Nicole Quick. Howard said he thinks the person who took over after her had to quit too. Howard said it was a very quiet and well spoken man and he seemed like a gentle soul. He said he was saying you must wear your mask and the people were like ''Fuck you!'' JD said it was like that. Robin said she can't believe there's footage of this.
Howard said imagine you become a doctor and you try to advise the town. He said he just wants to help and tells people not to take off their masks. He said then he gets a ''fuck you.'' Robin said all you have to do is wear a mask. It's not that much. Howard said they're not asking people to do crazy things. He said they get angry at them like it's a lynching. Robin said that people act the same everywhere.
Howard said this poor guy wants to do something good in a nice town like Orange County. He said next thing you know COVID comes and they want to kill you for making a suggestion.
Howard said he was reading an article about happiness and they say that Americans are the most unhappy in 40 years. He said he wants to say that he was a leader in this movement. He said he was a leader early on. He said what a weird survey to be holding at this time. He said the country is falling apart and they're asking if people are happy. He said he looks at his staff and wonders who is happy. He said maybe Steve Nowicki but no one else. He said that Steve is getting laid like crazy.
Howard said he never knew what it meant to be happy. He said he remembered one day when he was 5 years old when he had this feeling of being happy for maybe a couple of hours. He said that he was insanely joyous and happy but that's the only time he ever felt that way. He said he was 5 years old. He said it was like Haley's comet and it hasn't come around since. He said he looks at other people and they seem happy but he doesn't know what that would be.
Robin said she doesn't see many happy people. Howard said he gets why the poll shows that people aren't happy. Howard said he's not completely miserable. He said he paints and has fun doing that. He said he's doing something that is completely taking up his mental power. Robin asked if that is fun. Howard said it's not for him. He said he wants to be good at it so he puts a lot of stress on himself. Robin said that's what she used to love about riding horses and skiing. She said that you can't think of anything else. Howard said that's what we're doing. He said we're looking for things to do. He said he knows Ronnie is miserable right now. He said he's trying to block things out. He said he loves pussy and NASCAR. He said his girlfriend is gone all day working and he's sitting at home. He said there's no NASCAR. He said he's been with him when there's none of that around and he's miserable.
Howard said Ronnie had these big plans to go retire after this year. He said he doesn't need him as a driver right now. Ronnie said he sold the car. Howard said he's sitting in his basement and this is not what he expected his old age to be. Howard said Ronnie feels like his time is running out and he has nothing to do. Ronnie said the time is ticking. Howard said he imagined he'd be house hunting in Vegas. Ronnie said that got put on hold. He said they have to see with that. Ronnie said there is NASCAR though. He said you can't go to the races but there is racing. He said everything is skeleton crew. He said the guy who wins has no one around him. He said it's like a cum shot but nothing comes out.
Howard said Ronnie was talking about how he doesn't have much time left so he was going to move to Vegas and get a house there. He said they were about to do that. Ronnie said they were supposed to go April 15th to look at houses. He said that never happened.
Howard said he knows Ronnie is depressed because he loves driving and he's not even going out and doing that. He said even he wonders what the point of driving around is now. Ronnie said if you don't have a destination there's no reason to do it.
Howard said Ronnie lost another 2 pounds because he's depressed. Ronnie said he's only working out an hour a day and he's cleaning the house. He said he hasn't been eating any shit food. He said he's dropping weight from that. He said he actually feels better. He said he's lost 11 pounds or so and he feels good.
Howard said Ronnie was ready to start a new life out in Vegas. Ronnie said she wants that to happen more than ever. Robin said you can't really go anywhere. Ronnie said you can but he's leery about getting on a plane. Robin said the numbers are spiking in Vegas. Ronnie said he knows but that's because more people are coming out of their house and getting tested. He said he doesn't know what to do.
Howard asked if Ronnie got tested. Ronnie said they both did and they both tested negative. He said the testing is supposed to be free but he got a bill for $333. Robin said that's crazy. Ronnie said Stephanie is handling it for him. He said she's good at yelling at people on the phone. Howard said it's best to give it to her. He said he's seen Ronnie on the phone.
Howard said Ronnie is too nervous to go to a restaurant now. He said he really misses it though. Ronnie said they keep putting off phase 2 of opening. Howard said he can't go out. He said it could be curtains for him if he gets this COVID-19.
Howard said Ronnie is no spring chicken. He said neither is he. Ronnie said he wouldn't go right away. He said he has a friend, Mike, who has been living on take out and delivery. He said it's rough when you have a big restaurant. Howard said it's hard enough to run a restaurant without COVID-19. Ronnie said he has a big place that used to be busy all the time. He said he lost a lot of business because of this. He said it's been a big hit to him.
Howard said Ronnie has to stay home until his funeral. Ronnie said that's great. Howard said he feels like the state of the world is horrible right now. He said you can't go out anywhere though. Robin said you can't drink on a flight anymore. Ronnie said he doesn't drink on flights. He said Stephanie does.
Howard talked to Ronnie Puppet and he was saying that his penis is sad. He said he just sits around waiting for the Grim Rapist to show up. He talked about how depressed he is. He was going over the stuff he used to do in the good old days.
Howard said he heard that Ronnie has been even more subdued on the Zoom meetings. He said even when the hot girls are on he's very calm. Robin said the girls must think that they're losing their looks. Ronnie said the girls don't even come on anymore. Howard said the fire has gone out.
Ronnie said he keeps busy around the house. He said there's a lot to do. He said he gets up and stays on the show for a few hours. He said he has so much to do around there. Howard asked how much fucking they're doing. Ronnie said usually Stephanie is off Friday, Saturday and Sunday. He said her Friday is Thursday. Howard said he loves that ''her Friday is Thursday.'' Ronnie said it is. Howard said he has some great quotes from Ronnie. He said something about his brain affecting him mentally. He said that is mental so he's not sure how it affects your brain mentally. He said he's worried about Ronnie. He said he had a whole game plan for Vegas. He said he was going to have some fun out there. Robin said he could have been mayor out there by now. Ronnie said the plans aren't done yet. He said Stephanie wants to go out there even more than ever. He said she wants to go out there now and get it done so they can come right back.
Robin said it's all depressing. Ronnie said it is. He said he gets these phone calls that aggravate you too. Howard asked what's going on there. Ronnie said he has a lot of stuff going on. Howard said he knows it's personal shit. Ronnie said he's dealing with that too. Ronnie said Sal has been his hero through that. Howard said he never thought he'd hear that. Ronnie said Sal is his hero.
Howard said now you know Ronnie's brain has been affected mentally. He said Sal is his hero. Robin said that's rock bottom. Howard said now you know he's hit the bottom of the barrel when Sal is his hero. Ronnie said Sal has been great and very helpful. He said that's all he can say. Howard said there's nothing wrong with that.
Howard said he pictured these guys getting on and sharing a brain. He said he loves that imagery. He asked how long he's been speaking to Sal. Ronnie said it was almost every day but not right now. Howard said when Sal is your rock, you've hit rock bottom. Ronnie said he was talking to Sal 3 or 4 times a day. Howard said that's like the blind leading the blind. Robin said people are speechless over that.
Howard said some of the guys noticed that Ronnie and Donald Trump have something in common. Stephanie was about to go to work so Ronnie told her to come over. Howard let Ronnie Puppet talk to her a little bit and he got all worked up over how hot she is. Howard said Ronnie Puppet and Ronnie love women. The puppet was getting all worked up and didn't sound so depressed. He wrote a poem about Stephanie's pussy. He said it's pink and it doesn't stink.
Howard said Ronnie Puppet isn't letting her speak. He said he gets crazy over hot chicks. Ronnie Puppet said he has a puppet boner. Stephanie said she's never done that before.
Howard said he's worried about Ronnie. He said he's not yelling and carrying on. He said some of the life has been sucked out of him. He asked what Stephanie thinks. Stephanie said that he's busier in the house than she's ever seen him. She said he can't complain about that. She said when she's home it's really nice. She said she likes sitting at home and sitting still. She said that they have nice talks now.
Howard asked if there is less sexuality going on lately. Stephanie said she is exhausted from work and there are other reasons too. She said maybe they can say. Ronnie said no. Stephanie said she has her own issues going on and it's nobody's fault. She said she just has some stuff going on. Stephanie said it's tapering but they're working on it.
Howard said the bottom line is that Ronnie is getting less vitamin P. Ronnie let her know he was saying vitamin pussy. He said that on the weekends it's fine. He said they have Friday and Saturday night so things are going fine. Stephanie said they still have a great relationship.
Howard said he heard that things are on hold with Vegas. He said she has to keep him locked up in that house. He said don't get on a plane. Stephanie said that they want to wait until it's safe. She said she's pushing for it because she has been working so hard. She said her hospital has been really busy. She said there wasn't an empty cage there this week. She said she needs a break to do just nothing. She said she doesn't want to risk their health though. She said that you don't stop for breaks at work because the animals are important for them. She said they don't want to put them at risk either.
Howard said he has never seen her in her hospital outfit. He asked what they call those. They said scrubs. Howard said she looks so young in them. He said she is beautiful and he knows Ronnie loves her. He said thanks for keeping his spirits as high as they can be. Stephanie said she thinks that he's just calm and not partying it up that much.
Howard said Ronnie hasn't said cunt in front of her at all today. Ronnie said he can't say it in front of her. He said he has to pay her a dollar every time he does. He said his friend Mike will say it and he has to pay her like $100 by the end of the night. He said she gives the money to charity for the animals.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who had a question for Stephanie. Mariann asked if she's pregnant. Stephanie said no. Mariann said she was just figuring from what they were saying that she might be. Ronnie said she has a personal issue going on that they don't want to talk about on the air. Mariann said she's adorable and they make a great couple.
Howard asked if her vagina is okay. Ronnie said it's fine. He said it's always wet. He said there is no problem there. He said sometimes it takes a little while to get it going but that's why they have porn.
Howard said he knows a lot of women who don't like porno but Stephanie is into it. She said that she likes it. Ronnie said she likes girl on girl stuff. Howard said he's very impressed with her. Ronnie puppet was talking about the cunt jar and Ronnie told him he'll have to donate to that jar. Ronnie puppet said it a few more times and told them to put it on his tab.
Howard said Ronnie has all of that NASCAR stuff on his walls. He said it must be all NASCAR. Ronnie said he has other stuff hanging down there. He said that they'll do the tour one day. Howard said he sees signs that say DuPont. Ronnie said that's a replica hood of a NASCAR. He said it was Jeff Gordon's sponsor. He said he has a lot of Kurt Busch stuff hanging too. Howard said he sees a lot of toys down there. Ronnie said they're collector cars, not toys.
Howard asked Stephanie if she likes that stuff down there. Stephanie said that people have their thing. She said she's fine with it. She said they confine it to one room. She said if it was all over the house it would be a different story. Ronnie said she collects stuff too. She said she puts sand in the little vodka bottles from the plane. Stephanie said that's not weird. She said it's cute and endearing. Ronnie said she collects little horses too.
Howard asked if they ever say to each other take down the cars and horses and maybe play with each other. Ronnie and Stephanie both said no.
Howard asked Ronnie Puppet what he makes of this. He said that the cars are not toys. He said the toys are what go in his ass.
Howard let Stephanie go off to work. He said that they have time to get out to Vegas and enjoy a couple of years there. As soon as she left Ronnie puppet started yelling out ''cunt.''
Howard said that Ronnie and Trump have this in common. He said they both say ''Believe me'' a lot. He played a few examples of both of them saying that. Ronnie laughed when he heard it.
Howard said Mark Roberge from the band OAR made that observation. Howard said that his mom says ''Believe you me.''
Howard said here is a phony phone call using Ronnie's voice too. He said that they sped up his voice and did something. Will said it's a Jack and Rod show and they had Ronnie Zoom bombing them. Howard said he interrupts the whole interview. He played the call where Sal and Richard talked to this psychologist about keeping kids entertained. During the interview they had Ronnie interrupting with a bunch of ''cunt'' comments. The psychologist didn't know what was going on. The guys told him they might be getting Zoom bombed. They had Ronnie interrupting and going nuts.
Howard let Ronnie go after that. Ronnie Puppet had a NASCAR helmet on and it was sponsored by Depends. Howard didn't know who it was at first so Ronnie Puppet had to let him know what was going on. Howard said that's the Ronnie he loves. He said that's the happy go lucky Ronnie.
Howard said this was from June 2nd. He played some clips from the meeting where people were complaining about the masks and the pandemic. One guy said it was a ''planned-demic.''
Howard said this board is trying to save lives. He said that the medical person there is saying they have to wear a mask and these people harassed this medical expert so much she had to resign. He said she was getting death threats because she's trying to help. He said the mask thing was mandatory and they threatened her over that.
Howard said this is like what they would do to abortion doctors. He said they threaten them until they quit.
Howard said another person complained that they can't understand their pharmacist because they're wearing a mask. Howard played that clip where the woman was going on and on complaining about that. Robin said she could call them on the phone and get her answers there.
Howard said he's so depressed about this country. He said in World War II people were able to give up so much. He said that they had food rationed and things like that. He said we had to manufacture stuff for the military and they didn't complain. He said they sent their sons off to war. He said now you have to wear a mask outside and people complain. He said that they're mildly inconvenienced and they complain. He said there's a civil war in this country between smart people and dumb people and they're losing to the dumb people. Robin said the smart ones lose because there are more dumb ones.
Howard said they lucked out that the Kent family found Superman. He said if they had another family find him it would have been a different story. Howard said Jor-El was trying to get off of Krypton with his wife and son but he wasn't able to get it done. He said that now they say that Jor-El was able to pick out the family for his son. Robin said they could have had an evil Superman if he had the wrong family.
Howard said in London in World War II they had a mandatory lights out to save the country. He said he imagines now that people here would keep their lights on in defiance of the rules.
Howard said one guy claims that face masks murder people. He played a clip of the guy talking about kids dying from wearing masks and running in school. The guy said it's proven that the masks don't help. Robin said there's another genius.
Howard said on June 9th some of the nuts worked George Floyd into their speeches. Howard played a clip of a woman asking why George Floyd can have 3 funerals but her mother can only have 5 people in attendance. Howard asked how you even answer that.
Robin said come on Russia, take us over. She said we need someone in power to make something happen.
Howard said one of the people was complaining about not getting eye contact from one of the supervisors on the board. Howard played a clip. She went on to complain about her not getting the eye contact more than anything else. Robin said she told him that people are crazy. She said that is crazy behavior.
Howard said another woman complained that the Coronavirus is over so there's no reason to do this. Howard played a clip of her talking about going to Nevada and there's no one wearing masks there. She said the lock down is over so they don't have to wear masks. Howard said they sound like teenagers talking about how they can't be grounded.
Howard said another woman complained that they can't see people smile now so they have to get rid of the masks. Howard played a clip of that woman talking about how many smiles we're missing out on because of the masks.
Howard said he remembers one time Fred smiled at him and he was very uncomfortable. Robin said she wishes people could see themselves.
Howard said another woman wanted the board of supervisors to be indicted over this whole thing. Howard played the clip of that woman going crazy over that. Howard said imagine being married to her. He said what a yenta.
Howard said if he was on that board he doesn't know if he could do it. He said he'd be like fuck all of you. He said don't wear a mask and just die. Howard said this would be a great Broadway musical. He said it's like Footloose but the mental 2020 one. Howard had some music playing and made up a song like a musical would have about that.
Howard said there were some pro-mask people at this meeting. He said this well spoken person finished and the other people started heckling them. Howard played a clip of that person speaking and then the mask haters were saying grey can't hear her because she had a mask on.
Howard said the weirdest part of this thing was some medical people saying grey shouldn't have to wear masks. He played that clip and said that's really strange. He said he must not wear a mask at work.
Howard said as of Sunday they had 304 more cases reported in Orange County. He said they got their way and everyone got bullied so that's it. He said now a couple more deaths from it too. He said way to go Orange County.
Robin said there was a woman in a deli there in New York City and someone said to the employees there that she wasn't wearing a mask and when they did say something to her she coughed in their face. Howard said we've lost more people to this virus than we did in all of World War II.
Howard said they say that Piven took down his Zoom option. He said maybe he stopped. Jason said he had it up for days and yesterday it was down. Howard said maybe he got shit for it. Jason said maybe he got one and that was enough.
Howard said he might pay the 15 grand to find out if Turtle was a nice guy in real life. Howard said it sounds like that Chris Farley bit where he asked Paul McCartney questions.
Howard said there are other people on there. He said Perez Hilton is on there. He said Sinbad is on there too. Robin said she thinks that he's asking for 2 grand. Howard said it's $250. He said that's very reasonable. Howard said Dr. Drew is on there and you get 10 minutes with him. Robin asked how much it costs to yell at Drew. Howard asked what she thinks. Robin said 500. Howard said it's $707.
Howard said that Gilbert Gottfried charges $750. He said that he's had trouble getting characters out of Gilbert so he would say you probably just get Gilbert but the thoughtful Gilbert. He said he has talked to him off camera and it's not great. He said you want to talk to him when he's on.
Howard said Ian Ziering is on Cameo. He asked how much. Robin said he has to be like 250. Howard said he's the star of Sharknado. He said he's $1000 for 10 minutes. Howard said Lance Bass is $1250 and Andrew Dice Clay is $1400.
Howard wondered if this will get to the Wack Pack and have Bobo and High Pitch Erik on Zoom meetings. Robins said she's sure Erik could get $250.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has been a nurse for 8 years and she cries when she hears this Orange County stuff. She said she's so upset about people being so flippant about this pandemic. She said it's nowhere near over and she thanks Howard for talking some sense on the radio. She said she doesn't mean to bring him down but he makes her laugh every day.
Howard said this caller is a health care worker in the midst of this thing. He said she's watching people dying and suffering. He said she's probably going to have PTSD after this. He said that's why she's so furious. The caller, Robin, said that she doesn't like that the President is spreading lies about this and people think they can just do what they want to do. She asked what the big deal is about wearing a mask. Howard said it's really not a big deal. He said just put the fucking mask on and make the sacrifice for the country.
Robin said there was a comedian saying that people say they're patriots until they're asked to do something to save the country. She said they're not real patriots.
Howard took a call from one of the guys who was doing an impression of someone who was upset about having to wear a mask and crying over that. Howard let the caller Robin go. He said he knows he has important work to do.
Howard got Sal on and talked about how sickened he was by hearing Ronnie talking about how great he is. Ronnie said he has been the biggest help ever over the past few months. Ralph asked if he gave him advice or something too. Ronnie said no but he has a friend who is a doctor and he has been helping him with his situation. Ronnie said he hates to bother the doctor so Sal is in touch with him and he relays it to him.
Howard said it is kind of weird that Ronnie has a life and death situation going on and Sal is the person in the middle of it. He said that Sal is the connection to this whole thing and it's just weird. He said Sal can barely say regular words so imagine what it would be like to have him trying to relay those messages. Howard did his impression of Sal relaying medical information to Ronnie. The guys were all goofing on Sal about that.
Howard said now the guy who is your connection is the guy who beat off to his aunt shitting. Sal said stop it. Howard did more of his Sal impression and had him relying the medical information.
Howard said Sal had the lowest IQ of the staff that were tested. Sal said it was still normal. Howard said he imagines Ronnie sitting by the phone and calling Sal to get the information. He said he dials the phone and then Sal picks up. He said Sal is probably watching piss porn while he's taking that call. Sal asked how he knew that. Howard went on with the description and did his impression of Sal piking up and saying he was in the middle of something so he has to call him back.
Ronnie said where were a couple of times that Sal did say he had to call him back because he was in the middle of something. Howard went on and on about Sal watching piss porn and having to call Ronnie back.
Howard said Sal is vaping into his pouch by this point and Ronnie is asking him for information. He said then Sal gives him the information and Sal is his hero. He said he'd rather jump out a window.
Howard said this is like in the Godfather. He said he prays to god that Ronnie's relative isn't putting his life on Sal. Howard said you cut to Sal's end and he's fucking a shampoo bottle while his wife is out cutting the lawn. He said the phone is ringing and then Sal makes Ronnie wait a little longer to get his information. Sal said he has his tissues right here.
Howard said Sal is there figuring out how many M&M's he can shove in his pouch. He said he figures Sal gives him the information and he's just making shit up. Sal said he copies and pastes the doctor's texts. He said he tried to translate it for Ronnie but now he copies and pastes it.
Ralph said he was jerking off the other day to something on his iPad and his mother tested him. He said it popped up on the screen so he had to stop. Howard said he had to do that when his daughter texted him.
Howard got Ralph back on the line. Ralph said he was very touched by that discussion they had yesterday. Howard read some feedback about Ralph and the discussion they had about his sexuality yesterday. Howard said some think he's a gay may because of the things they talked about yesterday. Howard had some people talking about the things that
Howard said there were people who think that Ralph is a straight man. Howard said he's one of them. He read through some feedback from fans who think he's straight. Howard said some think he's very feminine but not gay. Howard said he has seen Ralph's penis and balls. He said he doesn't remember how but he did see that. Robin asked how he forgets. Howard said he just knows he saw it and it was very nice. Robin asked if he was traumatized. Howard asked how he saw it. Ralph said he'll talk to him later. Howard said he thinks he was in his dressing room. Ralph said he just said ''Hey, look at this, man.'' Ralph said he really doesn't remember. Howard said he thinks he was blowing Ralph and he saw his dick and balls. He said he knows he's seen his penis and balls. Ralph laughed. He said he thinks he has seen Howard's too. He said it wasn't embarrassing or anything. Howard said he must have Bill Cosby'd him. Ralph said there's a lot of grey area.
Howard said the best story ever was that Ralph said his body hair was kind of gross. He said he asked why and Ralph said he should trim it. Ralph said it was all overgrown and he was doing a shoot soon so he told him he should shave it. Howard said Ralph is paid to give him advice. He said he was looking him over and said he had too much hair. He said he thought about shaving the lower part of his belly but Ralph told him to shave the upper part and leave the lower hairs longer. He said he asked Ralph how he knows this. He said Ralph told him to shave it down so they went out back in the back yard to shave him down. He said the kids were at school and his wife wasn't home. He said they went on the back deck and figured the hair would just blow away. He said he had a gate so no one would come in.
Howard said the only guy around was this contractor who was advising him on some construction on his house. Ralph said that guy was there off and on a lot. He said they didn't know he was there. Howard said they were doing a lot of work on the house at that time. He said the guy was there every day. He said he was a real salt of the earth kind of guy. He said he never knew where he was at.
Howard said Ralph had his short shorts on and he starts shaving him down by his belly. He said Ralph was on his knees and he has these big clippers he's cutting his belly hair with. He said he's showing him how to shave his hair. He said he looks up at one point and this very masculine guy goes ''Oh, oh, I'm sorry.'' He said he must have thought Ralph was blowing him.
Beth came in so Howard told her the story. She had never heard it so Howard cut himself off and told her not to listen to the show. Howard asked if she thinks Ralph is gay. Beth said she always has from the day she met him.
Howard said he should tell the story about Ralph an Beth meting. Howard said she should stick around to comment on it.
Howard said he met Beth because of Ralph. He said he'll put it that way. He said he's grateful for him helping out with that. He said this is crazy. He said he had a rough day on Long Island this day. He said he spent the day with his kids out on Long Island and he really didn't want to go out. He said Ralph was a good friend and he invited him to the Mercer Kitchen. He said Ralph told him to come out. He said it was like 10 at night and he was driving home in the rain. He said he was so fucked up that he didn't want to go out. He said Ralph convinced him to go. He said this was birthday party that they were throwing at the restaurant.
Howard said Ralph said they were going to go out to a club after the dinner and he needed him to get him good seats. Howard said he drove in and he wasn't even dressed right. Beth said he was wearing a wife beater and cargo pants. She said that he was very disheveled. Beth said he should not have been wearing that to that restaurant. Howard said that's not a way to pick up chicks. He said he didn't have Arnold Schwarzenegger arms.
Howard said he goes to Mercer Kitchen and he sees Ralph sitting there. He said he's sitting next to the hottest woman he's ever seen. Howard said that's Beth. Beth said that Christine was next to him. Howard said just deal with being hot. He said he sat next to some Australian guy. Beth said it was a South African guy who was her date. Howard said the guy had an accent that he didn't understand. He said they had some great food there and he was shoveling it in like he had never eaten before.
Howard said he sat down and ate and then he sees this woman next to Ralph. He said long story short Beth and Ralph were talking. Beth said she and Ralph had a great conversation and she felt like she had just found her new best friend.
Howard said he can save the rest of the story about how he and Beth met for another day. Beth said she and Ralph were talking about clothes and things that a date would not talk about. She said that she thought he was gay from that second she met him. She said she has never changed her tune on that.
Howard said he was crazy about Beth and he told Ralph about that. He said Ralph tells him that he didn't want to say anything but he kind of cock blocked him that night. He said he thought Beth was his girl that night. Ralph said that's not the way it went. He said this is his interpretation of this.
Howard said Ralph told him he broke the bro-code that night. Howard said he whisked Beth back to his apartment but nothing happened that night. He said he just wanted to show her his pad. He said he was a gentleman. Beth said he walked her home. Howard said he did all the right things.
Howard said he had a conversation with Beth about Ralph after that. Ralph said he just said he didn't know if he was trying to pick her up or anything. He said he was just checking in with him. Howard said he was right. He said that if he was in the middle of connecting with her that he had fucked it up. He said he doesn't do that to his friend. He said he felt guilty about it. He said he went to Beth after that and told her what happened. He said Ralph kind of came down on him about the whole thing. He said Beth looked at him and said Ralph is gay so what is he talking about. Howard said he told her he's not gay and she didn't believe it. He said she thought he was going to be a friend and that was it. Beth said she loved him from the second they met. She said she still loves Ralph.
Howard said he had to ban Ralph from their house. He said Beth asks every year if they can lift the ban. He said it comes up every summer. Howard said it's never going to be lifted. He said Ralph threw up in their house and basically shit all over their house. He also insulted their friends. Howard said he told Beth that he hates not having him there but he's just fucking nuts.
Howard said he felt guilty for stealing Beth from Ralph but she calmed him down when she said she thought he was gay. Beth said she was falling madly in love with Howard from the time she met him. Beth was near tears so Howard asked what's wrong. Beth said she thinks that Walter is not doing well and she's having a bad morning. Howard said Walter has been with them the longest. He said he's like his boyfriend. He said he's the love of his life. He said he's constantly grooming him. Robin asked how old he is. Beth said he might be 14 or 15. Howard said nothing can happen to him.
Beth asked if Ralph is gay. Ralph said no. Beth said she's only seen him with one girl and her name was Bianca. She said they named their dog after her. Howard said she worked in a strip club. Howard said he took Ralph and his girlfriend out to dinner at Nobu. He said it was very expensive. He said he ordered the food for them and the first course comes out and Bianca goes ''Ewwww!'' She said she doesn't eat raw fish. He said she was grossed out by the food. Beth said then she was sitting on the table with a Bento box. Howard said she sat on the table and he doesn't remember that but Beth does.
Howard said they got chocolate cake at the end of the meal and she went ''Ewwww!'' again. He said that it was gooey in the center. Beth said the next morning they called Ralph and she left in the middle of the night or something. Ralph said he doesn't think so. He said he brought her to the New Year's eve party. Howard said needless to say they never got together with her again.
Ralph asked why they named their dog after her. Beth said that was her fake stripper name so it wasn't like her real name. Ralph said that's right.
Howard said he's going to argue that Ralph is straight. He said he has no reason to lie about it. Beth said she doesn't know in this day and age.
Howard said Beth has excellent gaydar. He said she has been able to pick people out that he didn't know were gay. Howard said Ralph was very supportive when he met Beth. Ralph said he was a big fan from the beginning. He said he told Howard to just focus on her and stop with everyone else. Howard said he knew he had it good and had to lock it down. Beth said it's been over 20 years. Robin asked where the time went. Ralph said he can't believe they've been in this pandemic so long. He said it's almost July already.
Howard said he felt guilty about stealing Beth away from Ralph. He said he has to thank Ralph for being so supportive from the start. He said he really should have asked if he had something going no with her. Ralph said he could have pulled him to the side. Howard said it would have sucked if he had left her alone with Beth. Robin said thank god he forgot all about bros.
Beth ran off to do some work around the house. Howard said the other day he found a table with dust on it and he pointed it out to Beth. He said that he ended up cleaning it himself though. He said he was just joking around with her.
Howard read more feedback about Ralph and had one email about how Sandra Bernhard had told a story about a threesome that she had with Ralph. Ralph said she was making that up. He said he was friendly with her and she was just joking around.
Howard said grey took a vote in the office and JD is the only one who thinks he's straight. Ralph said that's worse than asking Sal for advice. JD said that now that he heard Beth he thinks that Ralph is gay. He said she knows him better than anyone and if she think he's gay then he has to go with that.
Howard said Beth has thought he was a gay man from the start. He said he told her that he's straight but she insisted that he's gay. Ralph said he loves all of this conjecture and talk about this. JD said he tried to talk to Ralph about this at their Christmas dinner once. He said they were drunk though so he didn't get any answers.
Howard said he was going out with someone every night and Ralph pulled him aside and told him to relax a bit. He said he was on a fucking frenzy. He said Ralph told him he goes out like one night a week. He said then Beth tells him he's gay and he's like no wonder he was telling him that.
Gary said Jon Hein and he have discussed this a bit. He said they think Ralph is just up for a good time in general. He said he doesn't think he's gay but if there's a good time to be had then it might happen. He said he thinks it won't ruin it for him if there are guys there with some girls.
Gary said there was a time when Ralph was hanging out with transsexuals a lot. Ralph said he was friendly with that Dana for a long time. He said he never did anything with her though. He said he met a lot of girls through her actually.
Jon Hein said he thinks that Ralph is up for a good time no matter who it is. He said that he has always thought of him as being fluid. He said that he might be up for a good time with whoever it is.
Gary said grey were at Howard's house for a concert once. He said Ralph was very drunk and he wouldn't look at this woman in real life if he wasn't drunk. He said she was like 20 years older than him and they were making a scene on the dance floor.
Howard asked the guys in the room if they think Ralph has sucked a dick. Robin said yes. Gary said yes. Jon said yes. Ralph asked what kind of vote this is. Howard asked JD. JD said he says yes too.
Howard went to Ronnie next. Ronnie said he thinks that he agrees with Gary and Jon. He said if there's something going down at a party Ralph is in. He said he's up for anything. He said if the party is going in that direction then Ralph is in. Howard asked if there is anyone who thinks that he has not sucked a dick. Fred played cricket sounds.
Howard asked Chris Wilding if he thinks Ralph has done that. Chris said he wouldn't be shocked if he has never done it but he's almost certain that someone has sucked Ralph's dick. He said that's the way around the bi-sexual thing. Ralph made a joke where he said ''a fag blew me.'' Robin told him to stop using that word. Ralph said it was a joke. Howard said they were in a restaurant once and Ralph was yelling out the F-word (fag) and he asked him to stop. He said grey don't know if anyone there in the restaurant is gay.
Gary said Benjy has a definitive thought on this. Howard went to him and Benjy said he thinks Ralph has sucked a dick and he's gay and he's very good at it. Howard asked him for more on that. Benjy said sometimes you just know things for sure. He asked if Howard thinks he could blow Ralph. Howard said no. He said Chris is more his type.
Benjy said he's positive he could fuck Ralph. Ralph said there is zero chance of that happening. He said there's no way that he's touching Benjy.
Benjy said that he's been groped by Ralph at a party. He said every guy has been groped by Ralph at a party. Ralph said they're being ridiculous now. JD said that he saw Ralph touch Chris Wilding's cock in a restaurant. Chris said that was out in L.A. Howard asked how that happened. Chris said L.A. is a blur. He said he forgot about that. JD said everyone saw it. Chris said Ralph made him grab his cock. JD said it was very odd. He said it was at Sal's birthday dinner. Will said that it was very odd. He said his hand stayed there for a full minute.
Howard said the Hulk wants to vote. He got him on the line and Hulk said he knows he has sucked a cock.
Howard took a call from a woman, Dorothy, who said Ralph is a gay man and he's the worst kind of gay. She said with the laser pointer and the way he insulted the female staffers makes him a sexist pig. Ralph said she's a dumb cunt. Howard told him to take it easy. Howard said he's going to calm this down. Ralph told her to put her teeth back in. Howard let Dorothy go.
Howard took a call from Apples who told him to just come out of the closet. He said love is love. Ralph said he can't disagree with him. Apples said he could do whatever he wants if he came out. Howard said he's done with this. He said it's enough already.
Jason said she was actually in the crowd holding up the flag. He said someone took a picture and it went viral.
Howard said after that her life changed. He said she ended up in jail. Jason said the police raided her house several times. He said she was in custody and getting death threats constantly.
Howard asked what her name is. He said he wants to remember. Robin said her name is Sarah Hegazi. Howard said this woman moves to another country to get away from what was happening to her. He said she ended up killing herself. Gary said she moved to Canada. He said she wrote her last words about how the world has been greatly cruel but she forgives.
Howard said he would punish Egypt for this. He said they claim to be so modern. He said we give them so much money. He said we aren't the world police but do we have to send them money? Howard said at least we're trying to move in the right direction here. He said we're not perfect but we're trying.
Howard said that he's not saying that our country isn't fucked but that's wrong. He said he has some audio of Pat Robertson blaming the gays for Coronavirus. Howard had the guys play that audio.
Howard said we give Egypt 1.3 billion a year for their military. He said fuck them. He said that we should cut them off.
Howard said he read about the torture this girl Sarah went through. He read some of the details in the article. He said they had her in a cell and the other female prisoners were encouraged to molest her. Robin said it's very odd that they want them to do that when being gay is illegal. Howard said those countries are so repressed. He said they need to send them some porn.
Howard said this is just so awful. He said he was thinking about how fucked up things are around the world. He said he was thinking about how dark it is.
Howard said he thought back to when he was a kid and the Vietnam war was going on. He said he thinks he was a sweet kid but he was afraid to leave his house. He said he was not a fighter. He said he had to fight every day when he went to school. He said he lost every fight he had. He said he doesn't think he won one.
Howard said he liked to sit in his room and play with puppets. He said when he got really lonely he tried to learn chess. He said no one was too excited about him when he was young. He said no one was really that proud of him either.
Howard said it was like he was in quarantine as a kid. He said he sat in his room a lot. He said he was really bad at chess when he learned how to play. He said the other thing he liked to do was a show into his tape recorder. He said he played characters into the tape recorder. He said even those shows were shitty. Robin said they weren't that bad.
Howard said that was his life pretty much. He said he started to get older and became aware of the Vietnam war. He said he figured it would be over by the time he was draft age. He said he got older and older and his mother hinted around that he could be drafted and he'd learn to use a gun and fight. He said he figured that he'd get over there and they'd know karate and they'd beat the shit out of him. He said he was a guy who liked to play with puppets. He said he was so immature. He said he didn't even want to go off to college. He said he can't imagine if he had to go off to the military at 18 years old. He said this is what his country would have expected from him. He said he didn't even know if he hated these people who wanted communism. He said he was starting to shit his pants.
Howard said then he was watching TV and taking an interest in the war. He said his mother wanted him to move to Canada to avoid it. He said up until then he didn't even know how to dress himself. He said his mother told him a story the other night about how she had to take him shopping and she asked if he liked a jacket. He said as long as she liked it he didn't need to try it on. Howard said he didn't even know. He said he didn't have an opinion on his clothes.
Howard said he didn't want to shoot the Vietcong. He said that's all he knew. He said he couldn't see surviving that. He said he can imagine going over there and getting shot immediately. He said he would have had PTSD from just having to show the other guys his dick in the shower in boot camp.
Howard said he was watching TV and seeing the protests over the war. He said he was a scared kid and he was seeing the protests where they were trying to protect people like him. He said there were other assholes who were like ''fuck you protesters.'' Howard said his whole life would have changed if he had to go over and fight.
Howard said people like Jane Fonda saved people like him from going to war. He said they were out there protesting to stop that war.
Howard said he went on the protests and it worked. He said they got Nixon to end the war. He said the draft was ended and the people in the streets got real change.
Howard said his friend called the other day asking about the protests going on now and he was complaining about them. He said he told this friend that there is some black kid thinking about how great this is. He said this might change something for that kid. He said his friend said he didn't look at it that way. He said this friend is a little dopey but he got through to him.
Howard said he loves this country and that you can have protests like that. He said we should be protesting what's going on in Egypt. He said that poor girl killed herself because of the way they treated her. He said the comments from the paper over there said that this is what happens to you when you're an atheist. He said the world is fucked. Robin said even when this is going on there is progress happening. Howard said that's good but he thinks about history and how if the Germans had done something about the Jews being shoved on the mystery trains that they could have changed the world.
Howard said he wishes he could have been the guy who held the megaphone out there protesting the Vietnam war. He said he can't even change a tire on a car. He said imagine him in Vietnam.
Robin said China and India are fighting over a border. She said that's what happens when we aren't policing the world. She said we're not around taking care of things. He said we're not out there making sure that they're not doing that.
Howard said imagine he goes over to Vietnam with his height. He said the Vietcong would see him and want to keep him around just to shoot at him and see him running from the bullets.
Howard took a call from a woman who thanked him for standing up about Egypt. She said she agrees that we should take a hard look at the money we give them. Howard said it's crazy. He said at least the Supreme Court here stood up for gay rights. Robin said the White House was against the ruling and they're not that choked up over gay marriage.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked how close he was to going to Canada to avoid the Vietnam thing. Howard said he thinks that he was in the lottery but he was near the end. He said his number wasn't that great but by the time he was the age they had just ended the draft. He said his whole career would have been sidelined if he had to go. Howard said he had other ambitions of getting on radio and he needed a lot of practice.
Bobo said he joined the National Guard back then. Howard said he remembers that. Bobo said he did his duty and served his country. Bobo Puppet said that he peeled potatoes. Howard said he doesn't knock that at all. He said he did his service.
Bobo said yesterday's show was so compelling hearing them talking about Robin. He said keep fighting that fight. He said they learned that Robin is crazy too. Howard said we'll leave it at that.
Bobo said he has to get one more thought out. He said if Alex Trebek passes the torch grey should have a female host. He said that Jenny McCarthy would be a good choice. Robin said thank you to Bobo for pointing that out. Bobo Puppet had a few suggestions for the host too. Howard had Fred doing the Bobo sniff and doing it so it was like a song. Bobo puppet was throwing out name after name for the new host.
Howard said he likes when Bobo Puppet does his sniffling thing to Led Zeppelin. Fred did that and said he ran out of air. Howard had him keep going with other songs.
Howard said thanks to Bobo and Bobo Puppet. He let them go after that. He said they've done enough show today. He said they never took a break. He said he never got to Underdog. He said they have next week.
Howard got in a plug for Blackened American Whiskey since they sponsored the show today. That led to Howard talking to JD about how he's doing. JD said he's doing okay. They talked about the theme nights he and his wife have. Howard said that beard is something. He said it looks like it smells. JD said it's getting annoying. He said he might shave it. Robin said he has to trim it at least. Howard said he's not getting into a long discussion now. He said he has to end the show. Howard ended the show around 10:10am.